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diff --git a/27272.txt b/27272.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..10a65dd --- /dev/null +++ b/27272.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5742 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Roy Blakeley's Camp on Wheels, by Percy Keese Fitzhugh + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Roy Blakeley's Camp on Wheels + +Author: Percy Keese Fitzhugh + +Illustrator: Howard L. Hastings + +Release Date: November 15, 2008 [EBook #27272] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROY BLAKELEY'S CAMP ON WHEELS *** + + + + +Produced by David Garcia, Carla Foust and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + +Transcriber's note + + +Minor punctuation errors have been corrected without notice. A few +printer errors have been corrected and are listed at the end of the +book. All other inconsistencies are as in the original. The author's +spelling has been maintained. + + + + +[Illustration: A LITTLE DOG SCOOTED BETWEEN PEE-WEE'S LEGS. + +_Roy Blakeley's Camp on Wheels._ _Page 53_] + + + + + ROY BLAKELEY'S + CAMP ON WHEELS + + BY + PERCY KEESE FITZHUGH + + _Author of_ + + TOM SLADE, BOY SCOUT, TOM SLADE WITH THE COLORS, + TOM SLADE WITH THE FLYING CORPS, + ROY BLAKELEY, ETC. + + Illustrated by + HOWARD L. HASTINGS + + Published with the approval of + THE BOY SCOUTS OF AMERICA + + GROSSET & DUNLAP + + PUBLISHERS :: NEW YORK + + Made in the United States of America + + + + + COPYRIGHT, 1920, BY + GROSSET & DUNLAP + + + + +CONTENTS + + CHAPTER PAGE + + I BREWSTER'S CENTER 1 + + II THE HOUSING PROBLEM 5 + + III "A WIDE-AWAKE LOT" 11 + + IV A WILD NIGHT 17 + + V SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA 21 + + VI THE BIG B 30 + + VII ON TO SKIDDYUNK 34 + + VIII LABOR TROUBLES 38 + + IX SANDWICHES 45 + + X SCOUT HARRIS 51 + + XI WE MEET THE CHEERFUL IDIOT 59 + + XII ON THE SCREEN 64 + + XIII AN INVITATION 70 + + XIV PEE-WEE ON SCOUTING 75 + + XV TO THE RESCUE 81 + + XVI UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER 87 + + XVII A WILD-CAT RIDE 92 + + XVIII THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD 100 + + XIX WESTY 107 + + XX TAKING IT EASY 112 + + XXI THE SHERIFF ARRIVES 118 + + XXII RAILROADING 123 + + XXIII CRAZY STUFF 127 + + XXIV UP IN THE AIR 132 + + XXV IN THE DARK 137 + + XXVI WALTER HARRIS, SCOUT 144 + + XXVII "POTS" 150 + + XXVIII "SEEN IN THE MOVIES" 154 + + XXIX "FOILED" 159 + + XXX OUR PATROL "SING" 166 + + XXXI FLIMDUNK SIDING 170 + + XXXII EXPLORING 177 + + XXXIII OUR YOUNG HERO 181 + + XXXIV THE TRAIN 186 + + XXXV THE PROFITEERS 190 + + XXXVI A FRIEND IN NEED 200 + + XXXVII TENDERFLOPS AND OTHER FLOPS 206 + + XXXVIII ALL ABOARD 213 + + + + + ROY BLAKELEY'S + + CAMP ON WHEELS + + + + +CHAPTER I + +BREWSTER'S CENTRE + + +Maybe you think just because scouts go camping in the summer time, and +take hikes and all that, that there's nothing to do in the winter. But +I'm always going to stick up for winter, that's one sure thing. + +Anyway, this story isn't exactly a winter story, it's a kind of a fall +story--lightweight. Maybe after this I'll write a heavyweight winter +story. Dorry Benton (he's in my patrol) says that if this story should +run into the winter, I can use heavier paper for the last part of it. +That fellow's crazy. + +Believe _me_, there's plenty happening in the fall and in the winter; +look at nutting and skating and ice-boating. Only last winter there were +two big fires here in Bridgeboro and one of them was the High School. +Gee whiz, what more could you want? + +But the best fire I ever went to was when the Brewster's Centre railroad +station burned down. That was three or four years ago, and the railroad +decided that as long as there was going to be a big war in Europe, they +wouldn't build a new station. + +It won't do you any good to look on the map for Brewster's Centre, +because you won't find it. Even with a microscope you couldn't find it. +The reason you can't find it is, because it isn't there. I guess the men +who made the map couldn't make a small enough dot. That's one thing I'm +crazy about--maps. But I hate geography--geography and cough mixture. +But I'm crazy about apple dumplings. + +Anyway, you'll have to take my word for it that Brewster's Centre is +four or five stations above Bridgeboro. There isn't any man named +Brewster. He went out West about fifty years ago. I guess he forgot to +take his centre with him. Anyway, it's up there. I guess nobody wants +it. + +There are about a dozen people up in Brewster's Centre who go to the +city; gee, you can't blame them. So the railroad put an old passenger +car on a side track up there and boarded up the under part so you +couldn't see the wheels, just the same as on a lunch wagon. They +partitioned off part of the inside of it for a ticket office and made a +window in the boards, and the rest of the car was a waiting-room. There +was a stove in the corner. It was like the Pennsylvania Station in New +York, only different. They used the same old sign that used to be on the +regular station and it looked funny sprawling all over the side of that +car. It said: + + Buffalo 398 Mls.--BREWSTER'S CENTER--N. Y. 30 Mls. + +You'd think that Brewster's Centre was the centre of the whole earth. +Anyhow it showed two different ways of getting away from there. It's a +wonder it didn't tell how far it is from Brewster's Centre to Paris. I +guess the moon is about 'steen billion miles from Brewster's Centre. But +one thing, there's a place where you get dandy ice-cream cones up there. + +That's all there is to this chapter. It isn't much of a chapter, hey? +But it's big enough for Brewster's Centre. It's a kind of a prologue +chapter. It's like Brewster's Centre, because nothing happens in it. The +only thing that ever happened up there was the fire, and that happened +three or four years ago. You can't even smell the smoke in this chapter. +But just you wait and see what happens. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +THE HOUSING PROBLEM + + +Now comes a _lapse of three years_--I got that out of the movies. Maybe +if you've read all about our adventures you'll remember how my patrol, +the Silver Foxes, hiked home from Temple Camp last summer. Believe me, +that was some hike. The other two patrols came home later by boat. They +said they had more fun without us. I should worry about _them_. + +The second night after we were all home I started around to the church +to troop meeting and I met Pee-wee Harris coming scout pace down through +Terrace Street. He's one of the raving Ravens. He was all dolled up like +a Christmas tree, with his belt axe hanging to his belt and his scout +knife dangling around his neck and his compass on his wrist like a wrist +watch. + +I said, "You look like a hardware store. Where are you going? To chop +down the North Pole?" + +He said, "There's bad news waiting for us at troop meeting." + +"Well, it'll have to wait till we get there," I told him; "I wouldn't go +scout pace hunting for bad news." Cracky, if that kid was on his way to +the electric chair he'd go scout pace. + +"We've got to give up the troop room," he said; "Doctor Warren told my +mother to-day. The men are going to use it for a club." + +"Good night!" I told him; "why should they use a club? We'll get out +without any trouble; peace at any price." + +"It's a sociable club," he said. + +"Well," I told him, "I wouldn't want to get hit with a club no matter +how sociable it is." + +"It's going to be called the forearm club," he said. + +Gee, I had to laugh. "You mean forum," I said. "What are you trying to +do? Scare the life out of me with clubs and forearms?" + +When we got to the troop room all the fellows were standing around, and +Mr. Ellsworth, our scoutmaster, was there to tell us the worst. + +He said, "Scouts, you'll all remember that this pleasant meeting place +was put at our disposal by Doctor Warren to be used by us until it +should be needed for other purposes." (This is just what he said, +because I asked him to write it out in my troop book afterwards.) +"Doctor Warren now informs me that the plans for building a new church +being postponed on account of the cost of labor and materials, the use +of this room practically every night in the week is imperative. Since we +are not actually a part of the church, I think we should insist on +relinquishing it in favor of the many church activities for which this +old building is all too small. We shall presently find another home. I +am sure that every scout in this troop will join me in expressing our +gratitude to Doctor Warren and his good people for their interest in us +and their hospitality. I am in hopes that the room in the Public Library +where the Red Cross ladies worked may be available to us. Meanwhile, we +have the great scout roof over our heads--the blue heaven." + +"Believe me," I said, "that great scout roof is all right, only it leaks +like the dickens. Anyway, we should worry; we'll find a place." + +So that night we spent taking down our pictures and all our birch bark +ornaments, and packing our books and getting ready to move. We were up +against the housing problem, that's what Westy Martin said. + +The next day was Saturday. That's the thing I like best about +school--Saturday. So I went into the city to get a new scout suit on +account of my other one being all torn from our long hike from camp. I +came home on the Woolworth Special, that's the 5.10 train. On the train +I met Mr. John Temple. He's the man that started Temple Camp. He lives +in Bridgeboro and he owns a lot of railroads and things. Anyway, he did, +only the government took them. He should worry, he's going to get them +back. He's head of the bank, too. Gee, I hope nobody takes that away +from him. I've got fifty-seven dollars in that bank. He used to be mad +at the scouts, but then he found out that he was mistaken and he went +off and built Temple Camp just out of spite to himself, kind of. +Whenever he sees me he's awful nice. + +He said, "Well, Roy, how are the scouts getting on?" + +I said: "Believe _me_, they're not getting on, they're getting _out_. We +can't use the lecture room in the church any more. If we don't get the +room where the Cross Red Nurses were, I don't know where we'll meet +We'll meet in the sweet by and by, I guess." + +He just began to laugh and he said: "Property and real estate are hard +to get just now. Rentals are pretty high." + +"Gee whiz," I told him, "I wouldn't care if it was real estate or +imitation estate or any other kind if there was only a room on it." + +He said, laughing all the while, "Well now, I have an idea. How would +this strike you? They're finishing the new station up at the Centre. +What do you think of that old car for a meeting place? Just for a while, +you know, till you can find a regular place somewhere. It has a stove +and seats and.... How would that strike you?" + +Oh, boy! + +"It strikes me so hard it makes a black and blue spot," I said; "and +that wouldn't be so far to go for meetings." + +He said: "Oh, you wouldn't have to go up there for meetings. If I can +arrange to get it for you, I'll have it brought down to Bridgeboro. I +don't know where you could put it or just how you would move it away +from the tracks, but it could be done." + +_Oh, bibbie_, wasn't I excited! "We could put it in the field down by +the river," I said; "oh, it would be simply great!" + +Mr. Temple just laughed, and he said, "Well, don't count too much upon +it. Uncle Sam has a say in all these things nowadays. But I think +perhaps I can arrange matters. The car is no use up there; it isn't of +much use _anywhere_. I'm afraid the difficult part would be in moving it +away from the tracks when we got it to Bridgeboro. However, we'll see." + +I was so excited that when we got to Bridgeboro I stayed on the train +and went on up to Brewster's Centre just to take a look at the car. As +long as I was up there I thought I might as well get an ice-cream cone +at that place I told you about. Then I hiked it home. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +"A WIDE-AWAKE LOT" + + +In a couple of days I got a letter from Mr. Temple. It came from his +office in New York. This is what it said: + + DEAR ROY: + + I have arranged with the railroad people to let you boys have the + Brewster's Centre Station car. You will please accept it as a gift + to your troop from myself. + + The freight which passes through Brewster's Centre somewhere around + 10 P.M. will take it on Friday night and leave it on the siding at + Bridgeboro. I am going to talk with Mr. Ellsworth about the means + of moving it from there to a suitable location. + + I am informed that the new station will be opened Friday morning, + so if you and your companions wish to take possession Friday + afternoon, you may do so. But do not make any alterations or + bother the local agent until he gives you permission to go ahead. + + I hope the troop will find this makeshift meeting place suitable + till conditions are more favorable for finding a permanent + headquarters. + + Best wishes to you. + + JOHN TEMPLE. + +Oh, boy, isn't he a peach of a man? I bet we hiked up to Brewster's +Centre a dozen times before Friday. I guess Pee-wee thought the station +would run away. He couldn't even wait till it got down to Bridgeboro, +but asked the girl ticket agent if it would be all right for him to +bring some things up, and good night! he showed up Thursday afternoon +with his moving picture outfit and a lot of other stuff. + +On Friday morning the new station was opened. It had a nice little +ticket office for the girl to read novels in. So on Friday afternoon we +all went up and took the boarding away from under the car and piled it +inside, because we thought we might use it again. The part that was +boarded off for a ticket office was at one end, and in the other part +the seats were left just the same as in a regular car. It was nice in +there, especially for meetings where somebody had to talk to us, only in +our troop most always everybody is talking at once, especially Pee-wee. +He talks so fast that he interrupts himself. + +After we got the windows washed and the boards from underneath piled +inside and the little ticket office all cleaned out, it was about six +o'clock. Westy Martin (he's in my patrol) said it would be a lot of fun +for some of us to stay and come down in the car. + +"I'll stay!" Pee-wee shouted. + +"How about _you_?" Westy asked me. + +I said: "We're going to have apple turnovers for dessert to-night, but I +should worry, I'll stay." + +Most of the fellows had to go home on account of their lessons, but I +didn't have any lessons, because my teacher had to go to a lecture. +That's the only thing I like about lectures. Westy always does his +lessons right after school, before he goes out. Then in case he gets +killed his lessons are done. He's a careful kid. Anyway, all of us hate +to do lessons on Saturday, because that's scouting day. + +The fellows that said they'd stay were Pee-wee Harris and Wig-Wag +Weigand (they're both raving Ravens), and Connie Bennett of the Elks (he +wears glasses), and Westy Martin, and dear little Roy Blakeley, that's +me. I use glasses, too--when I drink ice-cream sodas. The rest of the +troop went home and they said they'd all be down at the siding near the +Bridgeboro Station early in the morning. + +Westy had his camp outfit along and we had a lot of fun that night +cooking supper in that old car. Westy and Pee-wee went up to the store +and got some eggs and stuff, and I made a dandy omelet. I flopped it +over all right and Connie Bennett said it would do for a good turn, +because I hadn't done any good turn that day. Pee-wee just turned around +a couple of times and said that was his--he should worry. + +After supper we took a little hike in the woods but we didn't stay very +long, because we were afraid that freight might come along ahead of +time. Safety first. When we got back we sat around on the plush seats +waiting for the freight and jollying Pee-wee. + +It got to be about half-past ten, but still the freight didn't come. +Every little while one of us would go out and hold an ear down to the +track and listen. You can hear a train about ten miles off that way. + +"If it's coming at all it must be coming on tiptoe," I said. + +"Or else it's wearing rubbers," Wig answered back. + +"Maybe it's stalking a cow that's on the track," I said, "and has to +sneak along quietly. We should worry." + +Pretty soon we began getting sleepy. Pee-wee said he wasn't exactly +sleepy, but he guessed he'd lie down a little while. That was the end of +_him_. If there had been an earthquake it wouldn't have stirred him. The +only thing that could have awakened him would have been his own voice, +only he doesn't talk in his sleep. + +Pretty soon Wig said it was funny how Pee-Wee could fall asleep so easy +and he guessed he'd just sprawl on one of the seats and _think_. Good +night! but didn't he snore while he was _thinking_. All of a sudden +Westy went sliding down to the floor and I dragged him up on the seat +again. He was dead to the world. + +"Believe _me_," I said to Connie; "what do you know about that? I'll +laugh if that freight comes along and gives us a good bunk. Look at +that trio, will you?" He just didn't answer me at all. + +"G-o-o-d night!" I said to myself; "wake me early, mother dear." + +All of a sudden I happened to think of something that Mr. Temple said in +a speech about the scouts being such a wide-awake lot. Gee whiz, I +laughed so much that I just lay down on the seat and held my sides. + +That's the last that _I_ remember. I guess I fainted from laughing so +hard. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +A WILD NIGHT + + +Now I'll tell you just exactly what happened while I was lying on that +seat. Charlie Chaplin came to me and he said, "General Pershing says for +you to get off of that barrel." I said, "I won't get off of the barrel +till I finish eating this apple." Then he said, "If you don't get off +the barrel, we'll shoot the barrel out from under you." + +So then General Pershing and Charlie Chaplin began wheeling a whole lot +of cannons so as to make a big circle around me. And all the while +Douglas Fairbanks was standing there laughing. Then they began shooting +at the barrel, and every time a cannon ball hit the barrel it would +joggle and almost shake me off. Sometimes the barrel stood up on edge +and then a cannon ball would knock it back again and it would go dancing +every which way with me on it. I had to hang on for dear life. Pretty +soon I got mad (gee whiz, you couldn't blame me) and I threw the core +of the apple at General Pershing, and he began to laugh. He said, "Never +hit me!" + +Pretty soon the barrel got knocked over sideways and I was sprawling all +over it trying to keep on top while it rolled down a hill. All the while +Charlie Chaplin was running after me and trying to hook me with his cane +and somebody shouted, "What does it say on the waybill? Look on the +waybill!" And I could hear a sound like whistling. Then, good night! all +of a sudden I went kerflop off the barrel. Just then a man shouted, "All +on!" I guess he meant all _off_. Anyway, I didn't care, because I was +lying in an automobile and jogging along awful nice and easy. + +In the morning I was lying on the floor of the car with my arm around +Connie Bennett's leg. Every one of those four fellows was dead to the +world. I pushed up the shutter that had slipped down, like they always +do, and looked out of the window. Right outside was a barrel. But I +didn't see General Pershing. There was a big field right near, and over +farther was a lake. It was a dandy lake, with woods on the opposite +shore. There were big high mountains, too, all bright on top, because +the sun was coming up over them. + +I went out on the platform and looked up the track. I could see way far +off till the tracks went to a point. The car was on a siding. Not very +far off I could see smoke curling up and I knew there must be a house +there somewhere. On the other side from the lake was a store with a +platform in front of it. It wasn't open yet. + +I went in and washed my hands and face at the water cooler, then went +out and looked again. But there wasn't anything to see, only the lake +and the woods and the smoke curling up among the trees, and the store +right near. I got out and looked at the side of the car. There was the +big sign sprawling all over it. + + Buffalo 398 Mls.--BREWSTER'S CENTER--N. Y. 30 Mls. + +That place wasn't Bridgeboro, that was one sure thing. Because, gee +whiz, I know Bridgeboro when I see it. And it wasn't Brewster's Centre, +either. + +I went in and began shaking Pee-wee, but it wasn't any use. Then I gave +Westy a good shove and I shouted at him, "Wake up, the plot grows +thicker. We're somewhere, but I don't know where. We're lost, strayed or +stolen. Wake up, your country needs you." + +He sat up in the seat, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Then he said, kind +of half asleep, "I--s--s--s--a--t--day? Wha'--we--doin'--a--a--a--here?" + +I said, "It's Saturday, and we're here because we're here. But I don't +know where. There's a lake and a lot of woods and some mountains." + +"Le's see 'em," he said. + +"Look out of the window," I told him. + +He just yawned, "Where are they? Outside?" + +"They're on the landscape," I told him; "come on, we'll go and stalk +them before they sneak away. Get up, you lazy ..." + +Just then Connie Bennett rolled over and sat up and tried to keep his +eyes open while he looked out of the window. + +"Wass become Bridgeboro?" he said. + +"It just went out to get some rolls for breakfast," I said; "it'll be +right back." + +"Where are we at?" he wanted to know. + +"Search _me_," I told him; "all I know is I was rolling down a hill on a +barrel and Charlie Chaplin was running after me. There's the barrel out +there now." + + + + +CHAPTER V + +SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA + + +As soon as I mentioned Charlie Chaplin's name, Pee-wee woke up. Charlie +Chaplin is one of his favorite heroes; George Washington, Napoleon, and +Charlie Chaplin--and Tyler's milk chocolate. + +"Where are we?" he began shouting. "There's a lake! Look at the lake! +What's that lake doing here?" + +"That lake has got as much right here as you have," I told him. + +Of course, as soon as Pee-wee began shouting Wig Weigand woke up, and +after the whole four of them were through stretching and gaping, we had +a meeting of the General Staff. + +I said, "Something happened in the night. The first thing for us to do +is to find out where we are. We can't go home till we know where we have +to go from." + +"I don't care where we are," Pee-wee shouted; "the first thing is to +have breakfast." Cracky, he's like all the Ravens; always thinking +about eats. + +"We can't eat breakfast till we know where we're eating it," I told him; +"we've got to find out where we're at." + +"You make me tired," he shouted; "will you answer me one question?" + +"Sure, ask me an answer and I'll question you," I said. + +"Are we in the Brewster's Centre Railroad Station or not?" he yelled. + +"Sure we are," Westy said. + +"Then we know where we are, don't we?" Pee-wee came back. "A location is +a place, isn't it?" + +"Yes, but where's the station?" Connie piped up. + +"Pee-wee's right," I said; "we should worry about where the Brewster's +Centre Station is. We're on the earth, aren't we?" + +"Sure we are," Wig said. + +"All right," I told him; "we don't know where the earth is, do we?" + +"It's right here," Westy said. + +"Yes, but where is _here_?" I shot back at him. + +"Search me," Westy said. + +"Just the same as if you say a place is _up_," I told him; "how high is +up? Suppose the lights go out, where do they go? How do _we_ know? But +anyway, we know they go out." + +"Sure, that's rhetoric," Pee-wee shouted. + +"You mean logic," I told him. "Nobody really knows where he's at. Even +the smartest man in the world doesn't know where he's at. What do _we_ +care? Just because the earth is in the Solar System, that doesn't say we +have to tell where the Solar System is, does it? We're in the Brewster's +Centre Railroad Station and the Brewster's Centre Railroad Station is +somewhere in France--I mean somewhere in the Solar System. Secretary +Hines has charge of the railroads--he should worry. Come on, let's get +breakfast." + +We only had enough stuff to last for about one meal, so we put all our +money together and counted it up. We had forty-two cents, and an eraser, +and a subway ticket, and a little hunk of icing from a piece of cake, +and a trolley zone ticket, and two animal crackers. I dumped the money +and the hunk of icing and the two animal crackers into Connie's hand +(because he's our troop treasurer anyway). "Here," I told him; "food +will win the war, don't waste it." + +I made some coffee and then we fixed two of the seats facing each other +and two of the fellows sat on one seat and two on the other with a piece +of board between them. + +There was a red flag on that car and I used it for an apron. Some chef, +hey? The heating stove was in the little ticket office and I just passed +the tin cups out through the window, and each time I called "one coffee" +and slapped it down on the counter. I guess I'll be a waiter in Child's +after I'm not a child any more--that's a joke. Anyway, it was lucky we +had some Uneeda crackers; we needed them enough, believe _me_. + +After breakfast, Westy said, "There ought to be a town somewhere around +here." + +"Look around and see if you can see it," I told him; "maybe it ran away +when it saw us coming." + +He and Connie were just going to start out looking for the town, when a +man came along and went up the steps of the platform in front of the +store. I guess he kept the store. He had a big straw hat on and one +suspender over his left shoulder. He had a little beard like a billy +goat. When he got up on the platform he stood there staring at us. +Pretty soon a couple more men came and they all stood there in front of +the store, staring. + +"I think we're pinched," Westy said. + +"I wonder how much we can buy for forty-two cents in that store," +Pee-wee wanted to know. + +"About forty-two cents' worth," I told him. + +"That won't keep us alive for one day," he said. + +"Are you thinking about lunch already?" I asked him. "You should worry +about lunch. All we have to do is to send a telegram to Bridgeboro and +Mr. Temple will have another freight pick us up. We can be back there by +to-night. I don't know where we are, but if we got here in one night, we +can get back in one day, can't we? Anybody that knows anything about +geometry can tell that. You should worry, we won't starve." + +"What'll you say in the telegram?" he wanted to know. + +"_Lost, strayed or stolen. Tag, you're it. Come and find us._ How would +that do?" I asked him. "We'll send it in your handwriting, then they'll +know who it's from." + +_Good night_, you should have seen that kid. He jumped up on one of the +seats and began shouting, "Do you think I'm a _quitter_? Do you think +I'm going to send and ask anybody to take me home?" + +"You're a raving Raven," Westy began, laughing. + +"Do you think a raving Raven--I'm _not_ a raving Raven," Pee-wee just +yelled, he was so excited; "you think you're funny, don't you? Do you +think I'm a big baby?" + +"Not so very big," Connie said. + +Pee-wee just stood there, yelling at us, "If _you_ want to send word +home, go ahead. You admit yourself you're somewhere--don't you?" + +"Shout a little louder and they'll hear you in Bridgeboro," Wig said; +"and then we won't have to wire them." + +"It isn't up to us, is it?" Pee-wee yelled. "Some train or other brought +us here. When they find out they made a mistake, let them take us away +again. What do we care? It's none of our business. It's up to the +colonel, I mean the general or whatever you call him, of railroads. We +can get along all right; we're scouts, aren't we?" + +"How about school?" Westy said. + +"How are they going to get the school here, all the way from +Bridgeboro?" Pee-wee shouted. + +"That settles it," Connie said. + +"Sure it settles it," Pee-wee shouted; "and besides, Monday is Columbus +Day--and Monday night, too. That's a holiday." + +"There are a lot of Knights of Columbus, but there's only one Columbus +Day," Westy shouted at him. + +"They'll find out where we are in three days, won't they?" Pee-wee +screamed. "_I_ say let's stay here. _I_ say let's be too proud to send +for help." + +"Sure, we should worry," I said. + +"That's what _I_ say," Connie shouted. + +"Scouts don't ask for help, do they?" Pee-wee yelled at the top of his +voice. + +I said, "No, but believe me, scouts like to eat. I know one scout that +does, anyway. What are we going to eat between now and next Monday or +Tuesday or Wednesday?" + +"We'll find a way," Pee-wee shouted. "Maybe they'll pick us up to-night, +you can't tell. Anyway, I'm not going to be a quitter. Whenever I have +to do anything I can always find a way. We can have a movie show, can't +we? We can charge ten cents. We can have it to-night. You needn't sign +_my_ name to any telegrams." + +"How can we have a movie show when there isn't any town here?" Westy +wanted to know. + +"We'll find the town," Pee-wee shouted; "it must be somewhere." + +Connie said, "Oh, it's probably somewhere." + +"Sure it is," Pee-wee hollered; "and I've got that Temple Camp film in +the machine. Remember about those scouts that were lost for a week in +the Maine woods? We're not as bad off as they were, are we?" + +"Sure we're not," I said; "this is only the main line. Maybe it's only a +branch line." + +"Do you mean to tell me that scouts can't get along when they're lost on +a branch line?" he wanted to know. "Scouts can do anything, can't they? +If I have to do something, I just do it. If I can't do it, I do it +anyway. I can find a way, all right." + +"Bully for you! Hurrah for P. Harris!" we began shouting. + +"Do you think I'm going to starve?" he screamed. + +"Gee whiz, it never looked that way to me," I said. + +"Why should we go home while we're waiting?" he yelled at us. + +"Look out, you'll fall off the seat," Connie said. + +"We're here because we're here, you can't deny that!" the kid fairly +screeched, all the while hanging onto one of those cage things they put +bundles in, so he wouldn't fall off. "And I say we just stay here until +they take us back in what-do-you-call-it--triumph--and put us where we +belong. This is our station. No matter where it is, it's our station. +We're good at tracking. If there's a town we'll trail it." + +"If it's hiding we'll find it," I shouted; "hip, hip and a couple of +hurrahs for P. Harris, scout!" + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +THE BIG B + + +So we decided that we wouldn't send any telegrams or anything, and that +we'd stay right there in Brewster's Centre Station till the railroad +took us away and put us where we belonged. We said it was up to them. +Westy's mother knew he had his "eats" outfit along, and I guess all our +families knew about there being a stove and coal in the car. Anyway, you +can bet that scouts' mothers don't worry about them when they're away. +Gee whiz, my mother worries more about me when I'm home, because I +always eat a lot of pie and cake when I'm home. And I'm always using the +'phone. + +We all said it would be a lot of fun to camp out in that car and to just +not pay any attention to what had happened. When we got home, we'd be +home. We decided on some poetry that we'd send to the Bridgeboro _News_ +when we got back. It isn't much good, but anyway, this is it: + + We started out to wander, + We didn't mean to roam. + We're here because we're here, + And when we're home we're home. + + We hope they'll come and get us, + But we're not in a hurry. + We've got forty-two cents and a movie outfit, + We should worry. + +That isn't much good, is it? Anyway, we decided that the next thing to +do was to find out if there was a town anywhere around. There wasn't any +railroad station, that was sure. Now all the time that we were having +that rumpus in the car, those men stood over there on the platform in +front of that store, staring and staring and staring. + +Pretty soon they all came over and the man with one suspender said, +"Thar be'nt no growed-up man along o' you youngsters, be there?" + +Westy told him no. + +Then he looked us all over, very easy like, and he said, "Yer chorin' on +the railroad?" + +I said, "We're boy sprouts and this is Brewster's Centre." + +He said, "Brewster's Centre? Whar?" + +I said, "Right here in this car." + +He just looked all around and then he said, "They haint cal'latin' on +changin' the name of this here taown ter Brewster's Centre, be they?" + +"'Cause that won't go here," another one of the men said. "We wuz +promised a station, but we haint goin' ter have no changin' of names. +The railroad folks tried that down ter Skunk Hollow, settin' up a +jim-crack station, all red shingles and fancy roof, and callin' it Ozone +Valley. But they can't come any of that business up here." + +"After Eb Brewster, too," the other man said; "and him crazier'n a +loon." + +"Hadn't ought ter be thirty mile nuther," the man with one suspender +said; "that three oughter be an eight. Noow York is eighty mile on the +rail." + +They all stood there squinting up at the _Brewster's Centre_ sign, and +all of a sudden I had a thought and I whispered to the fellows, "Don't +spoil the plot, it's growing thicker. Let me do the talking." + +One of the men said to the others, "I alluz allowed Eb was jest talkin' +crazy when he said haow he had friends amongst them big railroad +maganates. But the taown haint never goin' to stand fer this, it +haint." + +Then I spoke up and said very sober-like, "What _used_ to be the name of +this town?" + +The man said, "'Taint youster; _'tis_. This here taown is Ridgeboro, +Noow York, and so it'll stay, by thunder!" + +"Good night!" I said, and all the fellows started to laugh. + +Because then I knew how it was. We must have been picked up by the wrong +train--a train going the other way. And the conductor must have had +_Ridgeboro_ instead of _Bridgeboro_ on his paper. Oh, boy, that was some +bull. And just as luck would have it, the people of that place were +expecting the railroad to give them a new station. I didn't know where +the old station was; I guessed there wasn't any. + +Connie whispered to me, "Who do you suppose Eb Brewster is?" + +"Search _me_," I told him; "but I bet he'll be tickled to death to find +that the town is named after him." + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +ON TO SKIDDYUNK + + +I didn't want him to ask us any more questions, so I said I guessed we'd +go and look for the town if he would tell us where we could find it. He +got kind of mad at that, because that was the town right there, and all +the while we didn't know it. Gee whiz, how could _we_ tell? He said some +day that town would be as big as Skiddyunk and that once upon a time New +York had only one store, too. + +"It has one store three or four now," I said. + +Then he told us that Skiddyunk was about one mile along the track and +that we'd see it as soon as we got around the bend. I guess Ridgeboro +was just kind of on the edge of Skiddyunk. Gee whiz, if the railroad was +going to give it a station, that station ought not to be a car. A +wheelbarrow would be good enough. + +"I wish we had some money, I know that," Connie said, as we were +walking along the ties. "That's the only thing that's worrying _me_." + +"Same here," I told him, "but we're going to have a lot of fun here, +believe me; I can see it coming." + +"Keep your eyes peeled and see if you see a train coming," Westy said. +Can you beat that fellow? Oh, but he's a reckless boy--not. + +"Careful Carl," I said. + +"What do you do with all the money you spend?" Connie wanted to know. + +"Oh, I save it," I told him; "ask me another one." + +"Who do you think Eb Brewster is?" Pee-wee piped up. + +"He's the man the town is named after," I said; "good night, there's +going to be some fun around this way. I'm glad I'm not the railroad." + +"I bet those men will take that sign down," Wig said. + +"I bet they'll put it up again, then," I told him. + +"Are you going to tell them the station is for them?" Pee-wee asked me. + +"A scout is truthful," I said; "why should I tell them that? I'm just +going to keep still and see what happens. I may decide to name the car +after Eb Brewster. I should worry. We can name it after anybody we want +to name it after, can't we? Jiminetty, I'm glad we're here; we dropped +in at the right place." + +"One thing, I'm glad Monday's Columbus Day," Pee-wee said. + +"Believe _me_" I told him, "Columbus never discovered anything like +this. I could kind of read in that man's face, the one with the +suspender----" + +"He didn't have the suspender on his face," Pee-wee shouted. + +"Take a demerit for that, and stay after school," I told him. "I could +kind of read in that man's face, that there is going to be some fun in +Ridgeboro." + +"A tempest in a teapot, hey?" Westy said. + +"You ought to apologize to the next teapot you meet," I shot back at +him. "Teapots aren't so small." + + * * * * * + +Pretty soon we got around the bend and then we could see the Skiddyunk +Station. It was a regular station with a platform and everything, all +fancy kind of. + +"It makes the poor little Brewster's Centre Station look like a dollar +and a quarter," Connie said. + +I said, "I haven't seen a dollar and a quarter for so long that I can't +tell, but the Brewster's Centre Station has traveled; that's what +counts." + +Before we got to the station we saw where tracks branched off from the +tracks we were following, so we knew that all the trains that passed +Skiddyunk didn't pass Ridgeboro. I guess they didn't bother with that +place much. At the Skiddyunk Station we got a time table and found that +only one train a day passed Ridgeboro. It didn't go much further than +Ridgeboro. I guess it got sick, hey? It only went as far as Slopson. +Then we asked the express agent about freight trains and he said that a +freight train went along that branch line every three days. He said +there wouldn't be another one going east till Tuesday morning. + +Oh, boy, weren't we glad! + +"I'll miss French and civil government," Westy said. + +Connie said he'd only miss history. + +"I'll lose English and geography," I said; "but I won't miss them. Come +on up the main street and let's see if we can find an ice-cream store." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +LABOR TROUBLES + + +Skiddyunk was a nice town only, one thing, there were industrial +disturbances there. Maybe you know what those are, hey? The boy that +delivered the newspapers was on a strike. He was on a sympathy strike, +that's what the man in the candy store told us. He was on a sympathy +strike on account of the steel strikers. He read in a book that car +wheels are made out of compressed paper sometimes, and as long as some +of them were made out of steel, too, he decided he wouldn't deliver the +papers that Saturday, on account of the newspaper being printed on +paper. Gee whiz, I don't see how a paper could be printed on anything +else except paper. That paper only came out twice a week, because there +wasn't much news in Skiddyunk. + +As long as we only had forty-two cents we decided it was best to buy +five ice-cream cones, because then we'd have only seventeen cents left +and we couldn't send a telegram. Pee-wee said it was best not to have +any temptation to send a telegram. + +We asked the man in the candy store if he thought the people who lived +in Skiddyunk would come to a movie show in Ridgeboro that night. He said +they would if they knew about it, only he didn't see where we could have +it there. So then we told him about our car. + +He said, "Is it a movie theatre?" + +"You said it," I told him; "it moves all over. Even the Strand Theatre +in New York doesn't move so much. And anyway," I said, "are there any +fish in that lake?" + +He said if there were only as many people up there in Ridgeboro as there +were fish in the lake that Ridgeboro would be as big as New York. + +"Good night!" I said. + +He said they just stood in a row up there waiting to be caught. He said +nobody had to starve around that way, if he had a fish-hook. + +I said, "I wouldn't eat a fish-hook no matter how hungry I was." + +He was a nice man, that fellow in the candy store. He started to laugh +and he said he guessed we wouldn't starve, because he could see we were +a wide-awake lot. + +"You ought to have seen us last night," Wig said; "we reminded ourselves +of Rip Van Winkle." + +So then he told us it would be good for us to see Mr. Tarkin who printed +the Skiddyunk _News_. First we got some fish-hooks and a ball of cord +and then we had five cents left--a cent each. Never laugh at poverty. +Then we went to the place where the Skiddyunk _News_ was printed and +asked for Mr. Tarkin. He was in a little bit of an office with papers +all over the floor. + +I said, "We're boy scouts and our railroad car that we're going to use +for a troop room is on a side track up at Ridgeboro, because it was +brought there by mistake and we want to have a movie show in it +to-night." I told him all about the whole thing, just how it happened, +and I asked him if he thought the people would come. + +Pee-wee piped up and said, "We have pictures of Temple Camp where we go +in the summer, and they show scouts doing all kinds of things--rowing +and cooking and hiking and climbing trees and eating." + +Mr. Tarkin said, "And eating, eh?" + +"Sure, and snoring," Pee-wee said. Cracky, I could hardly keep a +straight face. + +"There's a picture showing me peeling potatoes and another one where I'm +stirring soup," the kid told him, "and a lot of other peachy +adventures." + +Mr. Tarkin said, "I should call the soup picture a _stirring_ adventure. +I'm afraid that potato peeling scene would be too thrilling for our +simple people." + +"Anyway," I said, "if we could help you on account of the strike maybe +you'd be willing to help us let the people know--maybe." + +"If they don't know they can't come, can they?" Pee-wee said. + +Mr. Tarkin just sat back and laughed and laughed and laughed. Jiminies, +you wouldn't think he had labor troubles, the way he laughed. Then he +began asking us a lot of questions about the scouts and he asked us if +most of them were like Pee-wee. He said they didn't have any scouts in +Skiddyunk. + +After a while he kind of sobered up and he said, "I wonder if the boy +scouts would make good strike-breakers?" + +"Sure we would," Pee-wee shouted; "breaking things is our middle name." + +"He even breaks the rules," I said. + +"When there isn't anything to break, he _makes_ breaks," Westy said. + +Then Mr. Tarkin told us how the boy that delivered the papers was on a +strike. He said it wasn't much of a sympathy strike, because nobody had +any sympathy for him. He said that boy wanted a one-hour day and an hour +and a half for lunch. I couldn't tell whether that man was jollying us +or not. Anyway, the papers weren't delivered, that was one sure thing, +and he told us that if we would deliver them for him, he'd boom our +movie show, so that people would be standing up in that car. + +"Believe _me_," I told him; "they _usually_ stand up in the cars down +our way." + +Then he told us that the boy that was on a strike could deliver all the +papers himself because he had a flivver, but that he'd let all five of +us do it because we had to walk and because we didn't know the streets +in that town. + +I said, "You leave it to us." + +So then he gave us a list of all the people that had papers delivered at +their houses and we made five routes. I took all the papers for Main +Street and Westy took all the papers for three other streets and Connie +and Wig took the rest, all except a few scattered around in different +parts of town, and Pee-wee took those, because he makes a specialty of +scout pace. I thought that maybe we'd have trouble about finding some +places, but what did _we_ care? It was early. + +While we were planning all about how we'd do, Mr. Tarkin called me into +the room where they did the printing and showed me a handbill he had +made up. He said, "As long as you're a scout I guess you'd better write +the copy for this yourself, and I'll have it set up and run off while +you're getting ready to start out. Then you can slip one into every +paper you deliver. How does that strike you?" + +"Oh, it'll be great!" I said. + +Then he said I mustn't write too much, because there wasn't much time to +set it up. This is what I made up and I could have made a better one +only I was in such a hurry. First I was going to take it out into the +office and ask the fellows about it, but I decided I wouldn't because +they were busy mapping out their routes. Anyway, I didn't want Pee-wee +to know what I said about him. + + _ATTENTION!_ + + Big Movie Show in Boy Scout Traveling + Theatre Opposite Store in Ridgeboro. + + TO-NIGHT. + + ADMISSION TEN CENTS. + + See the Boy Scouts in Their Native Haunts. + + Swimming, Tracking, Racing, Eating, + Diving, Stalking, Snoring! + + See Scout Harris in His Stirring Soup-Stirring Feat! + + ONLY TEN CENTS! + TO-NIGHT. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +SANDWICHES + + +When we got back from delivering the papers, Mr. Tarkin said he had a +good idea but that he was afraid that maybe we wouldn't like it. He +said, "Do boy scouts believe in advertising? What is your opinion of +sandwiches?" + +I said, "We eat 'em alive. Do you want us to advertise some new kind of +ham?" + +"No, sir," he said; "I'm going to suggest a plan for advertising your +movie show. Something _striking_." + +Then he began laughing and he brought out a couple of big placards about +as big as window-panes. They had fresh printing on them, all in great, +big letters, and this is what they said: + + _TO-NIGHT!_ + Boy Scout Movie Show in Railroad Traveling + Movie Palace. One Night Only. + _RIDGEBORO RIDGEBORO_ + TEN CENTS. + DON'T MISS IT! + +He said, "Now this is a sandwich." + +Pee-wee just stood there gaping at it and I said to him, "What's the +matter? Do you want to eat it?" + +The two big placards were tied together at the top with a rope and Mr. +Tarkin slipped them over Pee-wee so that one covered the front of him +and the other covered his back. You couldn't see anything but his head +and his feet. Mr. Tarkin began laughing and the fellows all screamed. + +"Now you're a sandwich man," Mr. Tarkin said; "you're the inside part." + +"You're a hunk of cheese," I said. + +"You're a sardine," Connie shouted. + +_Oh, boy_, you should have seen Pee-wee! He just stood there looking all +around him, his head sticking up from between those two big placards, +while the rest of us danced around him, just hooting. Crinkums! It was +the funniest thing I ever saw. Even Mr. Tarkin was laughing so hard he +could hardly speak. + +"Walk over to the window and back again," he said. + +Honest, I can't tell you about it. I just sat on the counter and +screamed. Westy had his arms folded and he was just doubled up, +laughing. Pee-wee strutted around and you couldn't see any part of him, +except just his head. It was as good as a circus. + +"Smile and look pretty," I said. + +"Our young hero," Connie giggled. + +"Let's see you go scout pace," Wig said. + +"Advancing stealthily," I said; "our young hero charged upon the hooting +multitude and----" + +"Look at him turn around," Wig laughed; "look at him try to read it. Oh, +save me!" + +Pee-wee was swinging around like a sailing ship in the wind and craning +his neck and trying to read the printing. All of a sudden he lifted the +whole thing off. + +"Do you think I'd wear that thing?" he yelled. "What do you think I am?" + +"If you'd just stroll up and down Main Street with that," Mr. Tarkin +said; "it would attract attention----" + +"G--o--o--d _night_! You _said_ it!" I just blurted out. + +"I wouldn't do it!" Pee-wee shouted "Do you think I'm a dunce? Do you +think I'm going to march up and down Main Street with that thing on, +like a--like a scarecrow--with all you fellows laughing at me?" + +"You look too sweet for anything," Westy told him. + +"You think you're so smart," Pee-wee shot back; "why don't _you_ do it?" + +"I'm too big," Westy said; "Connie's the best looking; let _him_ do it." + +Connie said, "After you; sandwiches always disagreed with _me_." + +"You make me tired," Pee-wee yelled; "I've seen you eat a dozen!" + +"Let Roy do it," Connie said. + +"I'd be tickled to death," I told him, "only I'm patrol leader and I +have to be dignified." + +"Well, you won't catch _me_ doing it," Pee-wee shouted. + +"Same here," Connie said. + +"You all make me tired," I told them; "afraid of being laughed at!" + +Just then Mr. Tarkin asked me to carry a bundle of paper into the +printing shop in the back of the office, and as soon as I got in there I +saw about a dozen or so of those placards in a big waste paper box. I +asked the printing man why he had printed so many, and he said they were +only proofs or kind of samples that he made while he was trying to print +a good one. + +"Oh, boy," I said to myself; "I'll fix that bunch." + +So I went out into the office and I said, "I suppose all you crazy +Indians claim to be good sports. Maybe some of you know how to be good +losers. Suppose we draw lots and see who goes up and down Main Street as +a sandwich man. I'll make five slips of paper and the one who draws the +one with number three on it will have to go out. What do you say?" + +First nobody was willing, because each fellow said that if he went out, +all the other fellows would laugh at him. + +"You should worry," I said; "I'll fix it so nobody laughs at anybody +else--positively guaranteed." + +"How can you be sure?" Pee-wee wanted to know. + +"You leave it to me," I told him; "nobody will have anything on anybody +else. Absolutely, positively guaranteed. If not satisfied bring your +sandwich in and get it exchanged for a hunk of pie." + +So then I tore five slips of paper and I put a _three_ on every one of +them. I knew how to handle that bunch. + +"I'll draw first," Pee-wee shouted. + +Good night, you should have seen that kid when he drew number three! All +the fellows began kidding him and saying he was unlucky. Then came +Connie, and _he_ drew three, and then Wig and, oh, boy, I just can't +tell you about it. Each fellow stood there staring at his little slip +and I drew the last one. + +"There you are," I said; "we're all stung and everybody's got the laugh +on everybody else. So what's the use of laughing at all? That's logic." + +"Sure it is," Pee-wee yelled; "how can anybody laugh at anybody when +everybody is laughing at everybody else?" + +"It can't be did," Connie said. "We're all stung, Roy too." + +"You can't laugh at anybody," Pee-wee piped up, all the while hoisting +those big placards up over his head, "unless the person you laugh at has +got something about him that you can laugh at that nobody else has about +him that anybody else can laugh at----" + +"You're talking in chunks," Westy said. + +"If everybody gets a prize then it isn't a prize, is it?" Pee-wee +screamed. + +"Sure, you can do that by long division," I told him. "Come on and let's +start the parade." + + + + +CHAPTER X + +SCOUT HARRIS + + +That was some parade! The whole five of us marched up and down Main +Street looking as sober as we could, Pee-wee strutting along at the head +of the line and every now and then getting his feet tangled up with the +edge of the big frames, and stumbling all over himself. + +"Don't laugh," I said; "every one of us is as bad as another, if not +worse; keep a straight face and march in step; the public is with us." + +Oh, boy, you ought to have seen the people laugh. I guess mostly they +laughed because we kept such straight faces, except when Pee-wee +stumbled all over himself; then we had to howl. Everybody stopped and +stared at us and read the signs and laughed. + +Pretty soon we passed an automobile full of girls that was standing in +front of a store. They were camp-fire girls, because they had on khaki +middies or whatever you call them with kind of, you know, braid things +like snakes around their necks. One of them had a banner that said _Camp +Smile Awhile_. + +Pee-wee turned around and whispered, "Did you see that girl smile when +she looked at me?" + +"Smile!" I said, "that's nothing; the first time I ever saw you I +laughed out loud. Keep your eyes straight ahead and look pretty--as if +you were posing for animal crackers." + +When we got to the corner, Pee-wee turned around and marched back, just +because he wanted to pass those girls again. He made himself as tall as +he could, so as he wouldn't trip over the placards. Honest, he looked +just like a turtle standing up on its hind legs and waddling along and +poking its head around this way and that. + +"Don't laugh," he said, just as we passed the girls. + +"Oh, _isn't_ he just too _cute_ for _anything_!" one of them said. + +"Isn't he just a little dear!" another one said. + +"Oh, me, oh, my," I whispered to Westy who was just in front of me. +"Pee-wee's got them started. Isn't he the little heart-breaker?" + +He marched back again when we got to the other corner, standing up as +high as he could, so as to lift the placards and looking straight ahead +of him with a sober face. + +"_Oh_, I think he's just as _cute_ as he can _be_," one of the girls in +the auto said. + +Just then a little dog came running out of one of the stores and scooted +between Pee-wee's legs and _good night_, down he went, sprawling on the +ground with one leg kicking through one of the big placards and his arms +all mixed up in the rope. + +"Watch your step," I said. I just couldn't help it. + +"Where's that dog?" Pee-wee yelled, all the while trying to straighten +things out and get up. "I'll--I'll----" + +"A scout is always kind to animals," Wig said; "the poor little dog was +in a hurry, that was all." + +"That dog was going scout pace," I said; "you should worry." + +By now, Pee-wee was all tangled up with the two big placards and the +rope that had held them together, and the whole business, Pee-wee, +placards, rope and all, looked like a double sailor's knot having an +epileptic fit. Laugh! We simply screamed. + +"Get up, you're blocking the traffic," I said. + +"It's got around my leg," he shouted. + +"That's what you get for trying to show off," Westy told him. "Talk +about your soup-stirring scene! It can't be mentioned alongside of +this." + +By now, Pee-wee had managed to scramble to his feet, and he stood there +staring around as if he didn't know what had struck him. One of the +placards was all torn and muddy and hanging by one rope and the other +piece of rope was wound around his leg. Honest, I never knew that one +little dog could make such a wreck. + +"You look as if you'd been torpedoed," Wig said; "stand still till we +brush you off. Turn around and smile and look pretty." + +By that time all the girls had gotten out of the auto and were crowding +around Pee-wee, brushing him off and asking him if he was hurt. + +"Oh, it's _just_ too _bad_," one of them said; "his nice khaki jacket is +torn. I'm going to fix it. We've got needles and thread and everything +right in the machine, because we're on our way to camp." + +"I don't need to have it fixed," Pee-wee said; "I can fix it myself. +Scouts can do everything like that." + +"Yes, but they can't sew," the girl said. + +"Sure, they can do everything," Pee-wee told her. "Maybe you think," he +said, all the while pounding the dust out of his clothes, "maybe you +think that just because I fell down--gee, that could happen to the +smartest man--even--even--_Edison_----" + +"Sure," I said, "lots of times Edison fell down." + +"Scouts can do anything," Pee-wee said. I guess after what had happened +he wanted to let those girls know that just because a scout fell down, +it didn't prove he wasn't smart. + +"Hurrah for P. Harris," I said. + +"Oh, is _he_ P. Harris?" one of the girls said; "Oh, isn't that +_glorious_! Is he the one that stirs soup?" + +By that I knew they must have seen one of the handbills. + +"Oh, we're _all_ coming to-night to see him stir it," she said; "our +camp is just across the lake from Ridgeboro. Don't you think Ridgeboro +is a _poky_ old place? We'll canoe over. We're camping over the holiday +and we call our camp, _Camp Smile Awhile_. Isn't that just a _peachy_ +name?" + +Connie said, "I should think a girls' camp ought to be named _Camp +Giggle a Lot_." + +"Oh, aren't you _perfectly terrible_!" one of them said; "the _idea! Is +it ten cents to get in? Have you really got a railroad car of your _very +own_? Oh, I think that's just simply _scrumptious_. I wish I were a +boy." + +"That's nothing," Pee-wee said; "we hike hundreds of miles. Once we got +lost on a mountain--we didn't care. We were lost two days. We could have +been lost three if we'd wanted to." + +"Only what's the use of being extravagant?" I said. + +"Once I fell down a cliff forty feet high," Pee-Wee said; "that's +nothing." + +"Oh, and didn't you _kill_ yourself?" one of the girls wanted to know. + +"Sure he did," Westy said; "but he's all right now." + +"It's fine being a boy," Pee-wee said; "gee, I feel sorry for girls." + +"Oh, and you can sew, too?" one of them asked him. "And cook?" + +"Cook!" I said. "He used to be the chef in the Waldorf Castoria." + +"Scouts have to know how to do everything," Pee-wee told her; "because +suppose a scout is alone in the woods; he has to cook his dinner, +doesn't he? He has to know how to do everything for himself, see? +That's why I'll sew this jacket myself. That's what you call +resourcefulness. A scout has to be full of that, see?" + +"Oh, I think it's just _wonderful_!" the girl said. + +"That's nothing," Pee-wee told her; "you can even cook moss and eat it +if you're lost and hungry. Once I went two days without food." + +"You mean two hours," Connie said. + +"Anyway, it was _two_ something or other," Pee-wee shouted. + +"Most likely it was two minutes," I told the girl. + +"And you came all the way out here _alone_? Oh, isn't that perfectly +_adorable_! And you're going to give a show to earn money----" + +"So we won't perish," Pee-wee said. + +"Which?" Westy asked him. + +"Perish," he said; "don't you know what perish means?" + +"And will the pictures show you doing all those things?" one of the +girls wanted to know. + +"Sure," Pee-wee said; "maybe you'll get some good ideas from them, only +you mustn't scream when you see one of the fellows fall out of a tree +into the water, because that's nothing. That's one thing scouts don't +do--scream." + +But believe me, that was one thing scouts did do the very next day. I +did, anyway; I screamed till I had a headache. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +WE MEET THE CHEERFUL IDIOT + + +They said they would surely canoe across that night and take in the show +and so we told them we'd see them later. Westy gave Pee-wee one of his +sign placards and we marched up and down Main Street for about an hour, +till we got hungry. Then we decided that as long as everybody in +Skiddyunk knew about our show, we'd go back to Ridgeboro and catch some +fish. Mr. Tarkin told us that as long as everybody had laughed so much +and had seemed to take so much interest, he guessed our show was a safe +investment and that if we needed a couple of dollars or so to carry us +through, he'd let us have it. But we didn't take it, because scouts like +to rely on themselves, and we knew there were lots of fish in that lake. + +When we got back to Ridgeboro, the man that owned the store came and +gave us a telegram. He said a boy on horseback had brought it from the +office in Skiddyunk. This is what it said: + + "Just learned of unfortunate error of freight conductor. Don't be + afraid or worried. Have wired money to Skiddyunk. You can get + eastern train there at three. Parents informed. Keep cool. + + "JOHN TEMPLE." + +"Just our luck," Westy said; "we've got to go home." + +"What!" Pee-wee shouted. + +"_Keep cool_," I said; "that means _you_." + +"Are you going to answer it?" he wanted to know. + +"Absolutely, positively," I told him; "and I'm going to send it +collect." + +"If you think I'm going home," Pee-wee yelled, "you've got another +think. A scout is not a quitter. We've got things coming our way now--do +you think I'm going to admit----" + +"Come on in the car and we'll make up an answer," I said, "and I'll sign +it, because I'm patrol leader." + +So this was the answer we made up and Westy and Connie went back to +Skiddyunk with it, while the rest of us were fishing. + + "Cannot make afternoon train. Are giving big movie show in car + to-night. Great excitement. Expect to clear thirty dollars. Will + not desert car. Expect us when you see us. Good fishing. Love to + all. We should worry. + + "ROY (S. F.)" + +When Westy and Connie got back, they had fifty dollars that Mr. Temple +had sent, but we decided we wouldn't use a single cent of it, just so as +to show him that we could look after ourselves. Anyway, we should bother +about fifty dollars, because we had a big string of perch and some +catfish. + +It was about the middle of the afternoon when we got the fish cooked +and, believe me, we were good and hungry. After the meal was over, we +were sprawling around in the car before starting to get ready for the +show, when all of a sudden we heard somebody speaking outside, and then +in came a little man with an awful funny face and a funny little cap on. +He wore spectacles way down near the end of his nose and he was smiling +and seemed awful happy, but there was something funny about his eyes. I +guess he wasn't more than about thirty years old, but he looked awful +funny and his eyes were bright and queer like. + +He said, "How _do_ you do." And then he started to shake hands with all +of us. He said, "I called twice this morning, but you weren't here. And +now I have found you and I'm delighted, and I suppose you wonder who I +am, eh?" Then he looked all around and put his finger to his lips and +said, very secret like, "My name is Ebenezer Brewster and I'm a poet. I +have written a little poem to thank you boys for the great honor you +have done me, in naming the village after me. Shh! There is opposition. +The public is scandalized. There is likely to be a riot. I am not +appreciated--shh." + +"Six or seven people wouldn't make much of a riot," I told him. "If they +start any riot here, we'll put the village in the car and take it away +with us." + +"That's a very good idea," he said, "a _very_ good idea. Did you +graduate from a public school?" + +I said, "No, I have my ideas made to order; they last longer." + +He said, "_Much_ longer, that's my idea exactly. And they fit better. +Would you like to hear the poem?" + +"Go ahead, shoot," Westy said. + +So then he took a paper out of his pocket and read what was on it, and +this was it: + + "There are eleven people here, + Nine chickens and a rooster; + The village it is named for me, + I'm Ebenezer Brewster." + +Connie came over and whispered to me, "Where are we, anyway? I feel like +Alice in Wonderland. He's a cheerful idiot. He thinks we named this town +after him. This is _some_ comedy." + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +ON THE SCREEN + + +That fellow didn't stay long and he went away very sudden like, just the +same as the way he came. We told him to come to the movie show and he +said he would. We decided that he was kind of crazy, but anyway, he was +awful nice about it, and gee whiz, if you're happy, what's the +difference whether you're crazy or not? He was happy all right, and he +seemed to be mighty proud, because he thought the town was named after +him. So we let him think so. + +By six o'clock we had everything ready for the big show. We fixed the +apparatus so that the lens cylinder stuck through the ticket window, and +that way the operator (that was Pee-wee, because the machine belonged to +him) could be all by himself in the ticket agent's room. We hung the +screen at the other end of the car, and turned all the seats facing that +way. + +The man over in the store came and watched us and got friendly. I guess +he knew how it was by that time, and he wasn't afraid that the name of +the village was really changed. He gave us some cakes and we had cakes +and fried perch for supper. They were dandy cakes, with jam in them. +There were seven of them and only five fellows, but anyway, Pee-wee +hadn't done any good turn that day, so he ate three. That was so none of +the rest of us would get a stomachache. That's the way with Pee-wee, +he's always thinking about some one else. + +All the while we were eating supper, we could see smoke curling up out +of the woods across the lake, and we guessed that was where the girls +had their camp. + +"I bet they're getting supper now," Connie said. + +Pee-wee said, "Maybe some of us ought to borrow that store man's boat +and row over after them, because girls can't row or paddle very well. It +would be a good turn." + +"_Good night_," I said; "didn't you just eat three peach cakes and call +that a good turn? You should worry about the girls. Probably they know +how to row and paddle better than you do." + +"You make me tired," he yelled; "scouts are supposed to do things for +them, and show them how to do things." + +"Well, they'll see you doing enough things on the screen," I told him; +"girls aren't as helpless as you think they are. Come on, help get +ready." + + * * * * * + +At about half-past seven, people began coming and I could see that we +were going to have a big house, I mean a big car. First an automobile +full of people arrived and then a lot more who had walked from +Skiddyunk. Then a couple more automobiles came and pretty soon there +were a half a dozen of them parked around the car, and the seats inside +the car were full. Westy stood on the platform collecting ten cents from +each one and letting them through, past the screen. Oh, boy, there was +some crowd. + +Pretty soon the store man came over and said that as long as the weather +was so warm, it would be a good idea to open the car windows and have +standing room outside. So he gave us some boxes and barrels and things +to put outside the windows for people to stand on. All the people out +there paid their ten cents just the same and they laughed and said it +was a lot of fun. Some of them were summer people, I guess; holdovers. +The girls from _Camp Smile Awhile_ came over in two canoes and a +rowboat. + +When there wasn't space for another head to stick through a window, I +got up in front of the screen and made a speech. This is what I said: + + "Ladies and gentlemen, we thank you for coming to see our show, and + we hope you'll like it. I guess maybe I ought to tell you about + Temple Camp, then you'll understand the pictures better. + + "Temple Camp is where lots of scouts go in the summer. It's near + the Hudson. Maybe you've heard about all the different things that + scouts learn how to do. So these pictures will show you some of + those things. + + "Some of the things are hard, but some of them are easy, like + eating and things like that. Especially desserts. So now the show + will begin." + +First we flashed the sentence that is in the handbook: + + A SCOUT IS HANDY AND USEFUL + +and then came the picture of Pee-wee with a big white apron on, +standing in front of the stove in the cooking shack, stirring a big +boiler full of soup. I heard one of the girls say, "Oh, _isn't_ he +simply too cute for _anything_!" Then we flashed another sentence that +said: + + A SCOUT IS SKILFUL + +and then came the picture of Pee-wee standing at the kitchen table, +rolling dough. Everybody applauded and the girls said it was wonderful, +but that anyway, the Boy Scouts was started before the Camp-Fire Girls +was, and so they had had more time to learn things. I heard one lady say +it was _splendid_ how scouts got to be self-reliant, on account of +learning the domestic arts. + +Oh, bibbie, I just had to laugh, because that was the one thing that +Pee-wee didn't know anything about at all--cooking. The only thing that +kid knew about domestic arts, was eating. He was a good ice-box +inspector and pantry-shelf sleuth. He could track a jar of jam to its +dim retreat, but when it came to cooking--_good night_! The only reason +we had him in those pictures was because he was so small and looked so +funny. + +The next sentence we flashed said: + + A SCOUT IS QUICK + +and the picture showed Pee-wee flopping a wheat cake and catching it in +the frying pan again. Honest, when we were trying to get that picture up +at Temple Camp, the whole floor was covered with wheat cakes and there +was one on Pee-wee's head like a Happy Hooligan cap. But the audience +didn't know that. There are lots of things you don't see in the movies. +It takes about twenty wheat cakes to get a good picture of Scout Harris +flopping one. + +The regular cook wasn't there the day we got that picture. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +AN INVITATION + + +That was the comedy sketch and Pee-wee was so puffed up over his screen +success that he could hardly work the machine. I guess he felt as if he +were a regular Douglas Fairbanks. + +"Did you hear what those girls were saying?" he whispered to me behind +the screen. "Did you hear what the one with the red sweater was saying? +About a scout being so resourceful? Did you hear her?" + +"Oh, you've got the town eating out of your hand," I told him; "you're a +regular Mary Picklefoot. You're such a swell cook you ought to cook for +Cook's Tours." + +"Did you hear what one of them said about how I rolled the rolling pin?" +he whispered. + +"She said you were the finest roller she ever saw," I said, in an +undertone; "shh, you've got them going. There's no use trying to stand +up against the Boy Scouts of America." + +"Didn't I tell them scouts have to be resourceful?" he whispered "Did +they notice how I flopped it?" + +"They said you were the floppiest flopper they ever saw," I told him. +"Go ahead and give them some deep stuff." + +So then we reeled off some pictures of good stunts at Temple Camp. One +showed scouts doing fancy diving from the springboard, and there were a +couple showing the races on the lake. The people seemed to like them a +lot. Some of the pictures had Pee-wee in them and then there was a lot +of applause. There was one showing the forest fire near camp; it was the +best of all and everybody said so. + +After the show, when the people were going, they all said it was fine +and asked us a lot of questions about Temple Camp and scouting. Pee-wee +got down off the car and stood around with his sleeves still rolled up +and his jacket off, and everybody talked to him. Believe me, he was a +walking advertisement for the scouts. I heard him telling one man that +scouts had to have plenty of initials. + +The man said, "What?" + +"Initials," Pee-wee told him; "it means starting to do things of your +own accord, see?" + +The man laughed and he said, "Oh, you mean _initiative_." He said +Pee-wee was worth ten cents not counting the movie show. + +After most everyone else had gone, the girls all crowded around Pee-wee +before they went back to their canoes. Oh, you should have seen that +kid! The girl in the red sweater said, "My name is Grace Bentley and my +friends want me to tell you what a perfectly _lovely_ time we've had. +And we think it's just _wonderful_ how boy scouts are so, you know, what +you may call it----" + +"Sure," Pee-wee said; "resourceful, that's what you mean." + +She said, "But you must remember that the Camp-fire Girls are new and +we'll catch up to you yet." + +"Oh, sure," Pee-wee said; "you'll catch up with us. All you have to do +is try. First I couldn't learn scout pace. Gee, don't get discouraged. +If you want to do a thing just make up your mind that you'll do it. And +if you can't do it, do it anyway." + +Gee, the rest of us just stood there trying to keep from screaming, +while Pee-wee stood in the center of that crowd of girls, looking about +as big as a toadstool, and giving them a scout lecture. + +"All you have to do is try," he said; "did you notice where I was diving +from the springboard?" + +"Oh, I thought it was just _dandy_," a girl said. + +"That was nothing," Pee-wee told her; "it looks hard, but that's +nothing. There's no such word as fail; that's a what d'ye call it, a +maxwell." + +"You mean a Ford," Connie said. + +"He means a Pierce-Arrow," Westy shouted. + +"He means a maxim, don't you?" the girl named Grace said. "And I think +it's a perfectly _splendid_ maxim." + +"That's nothing," Pee-wee piped up; "I know a lot of maxims. I've got a +collection of them." + +"He catches them in the woods," I said. + +"Don't you get discouraged," Pee-wee shouted. + +"No, we won't," Grace said; "and don't you mind them, either. They're +just teasing you. And we want to ask you if you'll do us a favor--a good +turn. Will you?" + +"_Sure_ I will," he said, very manly; "what is it?" + +"We want you to _promise_ to come over to _Camp Smile Awhile_ to-morrow +and cook dinner for us. And we want to ask all the rest of you boys to +come, too. We're just a lot of _greenhorns_ about cooking; isn't it +_shameful_ to have to admit it? But we've got everything over there, +food and utensils, and you can make us up a _feast_ and we'll spend the +afternoon visiting. Say you will. Will you?" + +_G--o--o--d night!_ I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my feet. _Oh, +boy_, you should have seen Pee-wee's face. You just ought to have seen +it. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +PEE-WEE ON SCOUTING + + +"Absolutely, positively," I said; "he'll be there at ten-thirty. Do you +want him to bring references?" + +"We should say _not_," Grace Bentley said; "the _idea_! What we saw in +the pictures was reference enough." + +_Good night_, you should have seen Pee-wee's face. He just stood there, +gazing about as if he were in a trance. + +One of the girls said, "Won't it be _adorable_! We're going to have +chicken." + +"Cooking chicken is his favorite indoor sport," Westy said. "How do you +like your roast chicken; fried or stewed? It's all the same to him." + +I took out my scout note-book and made believe to write things down. +"We'll just make up the menu," I said. + +All of a sudden Pee-wee came out of his trance and shouted, "You mean +me?" + +"Menu," I said; "yes, they mean you." Then I said, "Would you like to +have the fried potatoes stewed, or would you prefer to have them mashed +with the skins on?" + +One of the girls said to Pee-wee, "Don't you mind him, he's just _too_ +silly." + +"Do you prefer your fried eggs in the shells, or would you like them +roasted in ice-water? It doesn't make any difference to him," Connie +said. + +"Don't you pay any attention to them," Grace Bentley said to Pee-wee; +"some of us will come over in the boat for you to-morrow morning, and +when the dinner is ready, we want all of you to come, won't you?" + +"Sure, we'll hike around the shore," I said, "and get up good appetites. +We'll be there at about twelve-sixty. We'll come around the longest way, +so we'll get good and hungry." + +"Oh, that will be just _lovely_," they said, "and we'll have a perfectly +scrumptious time. Do you like pie? We've got a whole big jar full of +mince meat." + +"You have to be careful about mince pie," Pee-wee said; "it's better, +maybe, not to eat mince pie." + +"Who's a coward?" Westy piped up. "Do you think a scout is afraid of a +piece of mince pie?" + +"Oh, it will be just _dear_," another one of the girls said, and then +they all crowded around Pee-wee and began saying, "You'll _surely_ be +ready, won't you? We'll come over for you at ten o'clock. And we'll have +everything ready for you. We've got lots of flour and seasoning----" + +I said, "What kind of seasoning; summer or winter?" + +They told Pee-wee not to mind us, and that we probably wouldn't stop +talking till our mouths were busy doing something else. + +"What--what--time did you say you'd come?" he began stammering. + +"At ten o'clock, and you'll be ready, won't you?" + +"I--ye--yes," he stammered out. + +"Positively?" Grace Bentley said. + +"You--you can--you know, you never--kind of--maybe--you never can be +sure of anything," he blurted out. + +"But say you'll _surely_ come," she hammered at him. "Will you?" + +He said, "I guess--sure--yop." And he looked all around as if he was +going to start to run. + +"Absolutely, positively guaranteed," I told them; "a scout can be +_trusted_." + +So then we helped them off with their boat and their canoes, and they +started across the lake in the dark. We said we'd paddle them over and +then hike back through the woods, but they wouldn't let us, because +there wasn't room enough and anyway, they said they wanted to show us +that there were some things girls could do. They rowed and paddled +pretty good, too; I have to admit it. + +Pee-wee didn't go down to the shore with the rest of us, but just stood +where he was, like a statue. He was in a kind of a trance, I guess. + +As we came near him, Westy said, "Of course, they don't row very well, +or paddle either, but they're _trying_. All they have to do is to +_try_." + +"Oh, sure," I said; "if you can't do a thing, just go ahead and do it +anyway. You have to be resourceful. You have to have plenty of +_initials_." + +"Now you take making dressing for roast chicken, for instance," Connie +said; "all you have to do is to know how. It's a cinch." + +"And if you don't know how," I said; "do it anyway. It's as easy as +pie." + +"Oh, pie's a cinch," Wig said. + +"Those girls will learn," I said; "they shouldn't get discouraged." + +"They should be pitied, not blamed," Westy said. + +All of a sudden Pee-wee exploded. He sounded like a munition factory +going up. "You think you're smart, all of you, don't you!" he hollered. + +"A scout is smart," Westy said. + +"A scout can do anything," I said. + +"He is resourceful--it's in the handbook," Wig said, very sober like. + +"It's in the handbook--it's in the handbook--it's in the handbook," +Pee-wee fairly yelled, "that a scout has to be----" + +"Helpful," I said; "he has to be helpful to women." + +"You make me sick!" he fairly shrieked. + +"You'll be the one to make _us_ sick," Westy put in. + +"Do you think I'm going to do that?" he fairly screamed; "do you +think--do you think--do you think----" + +"Three strikes out," Connie shouted. + +"Do you think I'm a _fool_?" Pee-wee finished. + +"_A scout's honor is to be trusted_," I said; (that's scout law number +one) "_if he were to violate his honor----_" + +"You make me tired," Pee-wee yelled; "a scout has got to be +_cautious_--it says so--he's got to leap--I mean look--he's, he's got to +consider others--just because somebody that ought to know how to do a +thing that he doesn't know how to do asks somebody to do something that +the other person won't learn to do if the other person does it for him, +because that isn't being resourceful, if somebody else does that thing +for you, and so the other person doesn't learn how to do it himself--do +you mean--do you mean to tell me--that that's being a good scout?" + +"Sure it is," I told him; "it's just the same as if a person that wants +to do something, doesn't do it because if he does, he won't. Why then, +how could the other person do something that somebody else wanted +another person not to do----" + +"You'd have to have a crowbar," Westy said. + +"Pee-wee's right and we're wrong, as he usually is," Connie shouted. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +TO THE RESCUE + + +We made the plush seats up into beds that night and, oh, didn't we +sleep, with the breeze blowing in through the windows! It was dandy. + +In the morning none of us said anything about dinner. That was funny, +because most always that's the principal thing we talk about on Sunday +mornings, especially at Temple Camp. Once Wig said that he guessed the +hike around the lake through the woods would make us good and hungry, +and I noticed Pee-wee didn't say anything. He was so still you could +hear the silence. + +Along about ten o'clock we saw the boat coming over. Two of the girls +were in it, and each of them was rowing with one oar. The boat went +swirling around in circles. + +"That's what they call the waltz stroke, I guess," Connie said; "they'd +get along better if they had some dreamy music." + +Westy gave me a sly wink and said, "If you can't do a thing, do it +anyway." + +Pee-wee stood on the shore with a scowl on his face watching them. The +girls were Grace Bentley and another one they called Pug Peters. They +have awful funny nicknames for each other, girls do. They flopped +against shore about fifty feet from where they intended to land, and +they giggled as if they thought it was a lot of fun. + +"This boat reminds me of a balky horse," Pug Peters said. + +"It reminds me of a pin wheel," I told her. + +"Oh, you needn't talk," she said; "you started to go about five miles +south and you landed eighty miles west--in your old car." + +"Scouts aren't afraid of long distances," I told her; "they don't bother +with little five-mile runs." + +"Is he ready?" Grace Bentley asked. + +"A scout is always ready," Westy told her; "that's his middle name." + +"And we're not going to let him row, either," Pug Peters said. + +"Aren't you afraid he'll get dizzy?" I said. "Remember his little head +is full of recipes; two heaping teaspoonfuls to a half cup of milk----" + +"Never you mind, Walter," she called to Pee-wee (because that's his real +name), "you just get right in." + +Oh, boy! Laugh! I just sat down on the bank and began to roar. Pee-wee +didn't care anything about rowing. He didn't care about anything, I +guess. He was in a state of cromo, or whatever you call it. He just got +in and sat down in the stern seat as if he was going to be executed. + +"Aren't you going to show them how to row?" Connie called out, as the +girls stood up in the boat, each with an oar, trying to push off. + +But Pee-wee wasn't going to show them anything. + +"We'll show _him_ we can do something," they said. + +Pretty soon they got off and the last we saw of Pee-wee he was sitting +like a nice little boy scout in the stern of the boat. Every time the +boat swerved around in a circle, we could see his face, all sober and +scowling. The boat went every which way, one girl giving a long pull and +the other breaking her stroke and almost losing her oar. But what cared +they, yo, ho? Sometimes the boat seemed to be coming back to us, and +then we could see Scout Harris sitting there with his knees together, +looking fierce and terrible, like Billikins with a grouch. The rowing +wasn't much of a joke to him. + + * * * * * + +We allowed about an hour and a half for hiking around through the woods. +We didn't think it would take that long, but we knew the land was low +and we guessed that the lake might run into marshes. Safety first. But +we found a trail in the woods and it was easy going. So the way it +happened, we got to _Camp Smile Awhile_ a little before twelve instead +of at one. It was lucky for _Camp Smile Awhile_ that reinforcements +reached the bloody scene in time to save the day--I mean the dinner. + +The first thing we saw was a good-sized tent and the next--oh, +_Christopher Columbus_, what a sight! Talk about the West Front! + +There were girls sitting all around on the ground, simply screaming. +Close to the fireplace, that was made out of stones, stood Pee-wee with +a great big white apron on that went right down to his feet. + +"It--it--would have been all right if I hadn't tripped," we heard him +say; "that could happen----" + +"Look at him," I said to the fellows; "only look at him. He looks like +the end of a perfect day." + +All over his hair was yellow stuff, and there was flour on his face and +all over his stockings and shoes. There were big black smootches on his +face, too. He had a can in one hand and a girls' curling iron in the +other and a big greasy frying pan under one arm. + +We were about a hundred feet off, among the trees, and we just stood +there staring and trying not to scream. + +"This is terrible," Westy said; "what do you suppose happened?" + +"What's he doing with the curling iron?" Wig whispered. + +I just leaned against a tree and shook and shook till my head ached. + +I said, "I don't know what he's doing with the curling iron, but I +think--wait a minute till I can speak--oh, oh, oh--I _think_ he tripped +over the apron while he was trying to flop an omelet and the omelet came +down on his head. Don't speak to me!" + +"He's suffering from shell shock or something," Connie said. + +"Not shell shock, _omelet_ shock," I told him; "this is--gh--gh--astly. +I wonder what became of the ch--ch--ch--icken!" + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER + + +Then we all marched in, just as if nothing had happened--you know, kind +of careless like. + +Westy said, "Good morning, it's a beautiful afternoon this evening. Is +dinner ready?" + +The girls just couldn't speak, they were laughing so hard. Two of them +were trying to pluck the feathers out of a couple of chickens, and by +that I knew the worst hadn't happened. But they weren't paying much +attention to their work; they were just bending backward and forward and +screaming. + +"L--l--look at him!" Grace Bentley just blurted out; "it's too +_excruciating_!" + +I said, "Pee-wee, don't ever quote the handbook to me again. '_A scout +is kind._' You have deliberately murdered that poor omelet. Don't ever +say you don't believe in frightfulness." + +"You make me tired!" he yelled. "Didn't you tell me the way +to flip--flop--didn't you say to catch--didn't you say to +toss--graceful----" + +"I said to toss it up gracefully," I told him, "and to let it turn over +in the air and then to catch it _inside_ the pan. But tell me this, +_please_, so I can die in peace; what are you doing with the curling +iron?" + +"He was going to open--he was going to open--a--a--can," the girl they +called Billie said, all the while trying not to laugh; "oh, dear me!" + +"He wanted us to cut the chicken up to fr--fr--fr--fr--_fry_!" Grace +Bentley screamed. + +"Oh, he's a regular cut-up," Connie told her. + +"He sm--sm--_ashed_ the potatoes so they--oh, just look at them!" one of +the others managed to blurt out. + +The kettle full of mashed potatoes looked as if a bomb had fallen into +it; there were gobs of mashed potatoes all around on the trees and +ground for about ten feet. It looked like a snowstorm. + +"He flavored the onions with mosquito dope--cit--citronella," Pug Peters +shrieked. + +"Sure," Wig said; "a scout is resourceful." + +"You all make me tired!" Pee-wee yelled; "how can you flip when you +trip----" + +"Walter," I said, very gentle and kind like, "take off your apron and +ask for an armistice. It's your only hope; unconditional surrender. +Here, give me the frying pan; look at the grease all down your leg, +you're a sight." + +I began gathering up the gobs of omelet from his head and his shoulders, +while the girls sat on the ground all around and just laughed and +laughed. Honest, I thought Pug Peters would have a fit, she laughed so +hard. Grace Bentley nearly had hysterics. + +"How can you--tell me this----?" Pee-wee yelled; "how can you +trip--flip--if you flop--I mean trip--you make me sick. That could +happen----" + +"Sure, it could happen to Edison," I said; "you should worry. Get your +apron off and your face washed before some of us die." + +Poor kid, he was a wreck. We washed him up and brushed and cleaned his +suit the best we could and collected all the odds and ends of omelet. +Westy wanted to try to fit them together like a picture puzzle. That +omelet looked like the map of Europe after the war. But one thing, the +chickens were saved. In another ten minutes, I suppose, odds and ends +of chicken would have been flying in the air. + +Pug Peters said she was sorry, because she had been wanting to eat some +of that omelet to see how it tasted. She said it had maple syrup in it. +_Good night!_ Grace Bentley told us there was peppermint extract in it, +too. Anyway, it had an awful death. + +From all we heard, about the only thing Pee-wee didn't use for flavoring +was fountain pen ink. There was a bottle of glue there and I don't know +how he happened to miss that. The mashed potatoes were flavored with +strawberry, but they weren't so bad. The onions had a funny taste, too; +kind of like pineapple. He had made some fried muffins, the same way +that I usually did, and Westy and Connie and I had a good game of one +o'cat with one of them. Westy knocked a home run and even that didn't +break it. + +As soon as the girls could manage to talk straight, they got busy +plucking the chickens and we cut them up and fried them. Pee-wee retired +from his strenuous career of cook and just sat by and watched us. He +didn't say much. A scout knows when to keep still. + +Maybe you think we didn't have a good dinner, but mm-_mmm_, that +chicken was good. We boiled some more onions and added them to the +others, so the pineapple flavoring wasn't so strong, and I flopped some +flapjacks. I can make a flapjack do three summersaults and catch it. We +ate the muffins, too, even though they were hard, because scouts are +supposed not to be scared of things that are hard. They tasted sweet +kind of, like marshmallows, and we decided that Scout Harris had used +powdered sugar by mistake, instead of flour. Anyway, he said powdered +sugar and flour looked alike. Especially we thought that was what he had +done, because the sugar can had flour in it, and we put flour in our +coffee. But anyway, it wasn't coffee. It was Indian meal. We should +worry. + +The girls were awful nice and I guess they were glad of everything that +happened, because it made so much fun. Pee-wee didn't lose his pull with +them, anyway, that was sure. They said he was _just simply +excruciating_. Pug Peters said that anyway, the principal thing was for +a scout to know how to eat, and Pee-wee didn't fall down there, you can +bet. + +A scout is hungry. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +A WILD-CAT RIDE + + +Now you'd think that after what happened, our young hero, P. Harris, +wouldn't go hunting for any more glory for a couple of days. But late +that very afternoon, he performed one of his most famous feats. It was +an accident, but anyway, he scooped up all the credit. That's always the +way it is with Pee-wee; things go his way, and then all of a sudden, zip +goes the fillum, he's a boy hero. + +After dinner that afternoon, we took a walk through the woods with the +girls and helped them get some birch-bark, because they wanted to make +birch-bark ornaments. It's dandy taking walks on Sundays. We got some +hickory nuts, too. I said we'd climb the trees, because girls couldn't +do things like that and scouts could climb. I said, "A scout is a +monkey." + +"Girls can do lots of things, too," Pee-wee piped up, oh, so nice and +gallant; "do you mean to tell me girls aren't monkeys--too?" + +"Don't, you'll start my head aching again," I told him. + +"Oh, you said we were monkeys," Pug Peters said; "you're perfectly +_horrid_." + +"I mean, because on account of climbing," he said; "because they know +how to climb. I mean, _you_ know, the ones that know how to climb----" + +"Baboons," Westy said. + +"Sure," Pee-wee piped up; "_No_, not baboons, you make me sick!" + +"We accept your apology," I told him. + +Every time Pee-wee opens his mouth he puts his foot in it--and then +blames somebody else. + +Late in the afternoon we left the girls at their camp. We said we'd come +over to see them next day--that was Columbus Day. But the way it +happened, we didn't see them again until a long time afterwards, and +that's going to be in another story. So if you like girls, you'd better +be sure to get the next story. Gee whiz, I used to make fun of girls, +but anyway, I like them a lot. Pee-wee says they're so kind of hospital; +he means hospitable. And I'll always remember _Camp Smile Awhile_, you +can bet. Because we had more than a good smile there; we had a good +laugh. Girls are all right. + +Then we hiked along the woods' path that led around the lake, back to +Ridgeboro. Our car looked mighty nice and cosy, you can bet, as we came +along. + +"We're having a mighty good time here," Connie said; "I'll be sorry when +we have to drag ourselves away." + +"We don't have to drag ourselves away," I told him; "all we have to do +is to sit still and be dragged away." + +"This is the life," Westy said. + +Connie said, "Sure, life on the rails; it's got life on the ocean wave +beaten a hundred ways. When do you suppose they'll pick us up?" + +"Tuesday morning is the first freight," I told him. "There's a passenger +train to-morrow night, but it doesn't stop here, see?" And I showed him +the time table. + +"We should worry," I said; "we've got nearly twenty dollars from the +movie show. I've got Mr. Temple's fifty sealed up in an envelope; we're +supposed to forget that. Guess I might as well keep the time table, +hey?" + +"I bet it's fun living on the railroad," Wig said. + +"I'd like to be a brakeman," Pee-wee shouted. + +"That would be a good job for you," I told him; "you make so many +breaks. I think you ought to be cook on a dining car." + +"It's dangerous working on a railroad," Connie said; "lots of men lose +their lives; sometimes they lose their hands or their fingers, too." + +"If you lose your life, what's the use of keeping your fingers?" Westy +said. + +"Sure," I said; "they would only be a nuisance." + +"But I mean it," Connie said; "I heard that. If a man works on a +railroad long enough he gets killed." + +"If he lives long enough he dies," I said. + +"There's a large percentage of mortality," Connie said. + +"A large which of whatness?" I asked him; "stand up and speak clearly so +all the class can hear." + +"All right," he said; "it's true." + +"It's all right if you have your private car," Wig said. "All you have +to do is to sit back and take it easy." + +"Sure, if you're in your private car it's all right," Connie said. + +By that time we had come to the car and Pee-wee was the first one to go +up the steps. Now I don't know whether maybe it was because we had been +talking about railroading that Pee-wee thought he'd play brakeman, but +anyway, like the crazy kid he was, as soon as he was on the platform he +grabbed the wheel that's connected with the brake and turned it out of +its ratchet and twirled it around, shouting, "All aboard! All aboard!" + +"Let that thing alone," I said, as the rest of us passed into the car. + +"There isn't any spark in it," he shouted. Crinkums, that kid is crazy. + +He followed us into the car and we all sprawled down into seats, because +we were good and tired. + +Westy said, "Oh, boy, it's good to sit down. I wonder if our friend Eb +Brewster was here. Next stop is the Land of Nod. I don't want any +supper." + +"_G--o--o--d night!_" Connie said; "I'll be hanged if we're not moving." + +Just then, I looked out and saw the closed up store sneaking slowly +away. + +[Illustration: WIG AND I GRABBED THE WHEEL AND TURNED IT AS FAST AS WE +COULD. + +_Ray Blakeley's Camp on Wheels._ _Page 97_] + +"Bye-bye, Ridgeboro," Wig shouted; "see you later." + +By now the car was moving along at a pretty good clip. The store was +'way behind us and we were rolling sweetly down a grade into a kind of +jungle of bushes and tree stumps. + +"Good night!" I said; "The plot grows thicker. Where are we at?" + +We fell all over each other getting out to the platform, and Wig and I +grabbed the wheel and turned it as fast as we could, tightening up the +chain. + +"I thought you said it didn't have any spark in it," I said to Pee-wee. + +"I--I _thought_ it didn't," he blurted out; "where are we going?" + +"Ask me something easy," I said; "get out of the way. Grab hold of this, +Westy, and pull for all you're worth." + +We had the chain tight now and it was only a case of pulling the brakes +tight against the wheels, but, oh, boy, that takes some strength. We +were rolling along an old pair of rails that were buried under grass and +bushes and sometimes we couldn't even see them. It was a regular jungle. +I guess maybe they used to back freight cars down there after lumber. +But it must have been a long time ago, because the stumps were old and +the place was all overgrown. Anyway, that track that we had been left on +was more than just a switch siding, that was sure. + +First I didn't mind so much, because things like that are all in the +game, and I thought it would be easy to stop the car. There was hardly +any grade at all where the train had left us, that was sure, but it +doesn't take much of a grade to start things moving on tracks. I guess +that's why they always tighten the brakes when they leave a car. And if +there's one person that knows how to start things, it's Pee-wee. That's +his favorite recreation. + +Anyway, now we saw that we were in a pretty bad fix. The grade was good +and steep now and we were moving pretty fast, and no matter how hard we +pulled on the wheel, it didn't seem to make the car slow down. I have to +admit I was getting a little scared. I guess the other fellows were, +too. + +"Maybe the thick brush will slow us down," Westy said; "it's awful +thick, ahead." + +"Not when we've got a start like this," I told him; "we're just cutting +it all to pieces." + +"Maybe one of us could jump off and put a log on the track," Pee-wee +said. + +"Yes, and what would happen to the car, and us maybe?" Connie asked him. +"You've done mischief enough for one day. _Look ahead there!_" + +Jumping Christopher! There, about a hundred feet in front of us was a +road crossing the tracks and a little further, beyond the road, was some +water. I guess it was an arm of the lake. Anyway, the tracks ran right +downhill to the very edge of it. The car was going too fast for us to +jump off now. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD + + +Nearer and nearer we rolled, all the while yanking for dear life on the +wheel. All of a sudden I had a thought. + +"Run through to the back platform and if the wheel there is loose, +tighten up that one, too. Quick!" I said. + +Connie and Westy ran pell-mell through the car and I heard the jangling +of the chain there and I could hear Connie say, "Quick! Pull +hard--_harder_!" + +Then, after a few seconds the car began slowing down. + +"Pull with all your might," I said to the fellows with me; "you fellows, +too," I called out; "she's letting up; pull--_hard_!" + +The car kept slowing down. + +"_Yank! Hard!_" Connie called through to us, "and hold on. Brace your +feet." + +The car moved slower, slower; then stopped. + +"Kick the ratchet-pin in--hurry up!" somebody said, and I pushed it into +place with my foot. + +"All right, let go." + +The car was standing right square across the road, but anyway, that was +better than being in the water. Any port in a storm, hey? + +I guess our nerves were all pretty much unstrung, anyway, I know my +hands were good and sore. + +"I thought we were goners," Westy said; "this is a nice place to stop. +It's good they don't have any traffic cops here." + +"I should worry where we stop," I said; "it's better than the lake. We +stopped here because we stopped here. I never knew that Brewster's +Centre had so much pep in it. This old station will go up in the air +next. What do you say we get an anchor?" + +"Where are we?" Pee-wee piped up. + +"We're _here_, that's all I can tell you," I said. + +"If you want to know where _here_ is, look in the geography." + +"We're neither here nor there," Westy said; "look at my hands, they're +all blisters." + +"Where do we go from here?" Connie wanted to know. + +"I guess we take a southwesterly course and flow into the sink," I told +him. + +"Brewster's Centre ran away from home," Wig said. "Lost, strayed or +stolen. We don't know where we are; we're in the middle of the road. +Just like we said before, we're here, because we're here." + +We all sat down on the steps of the platform and Wig started singing: + + "Oh, there was the Duke of Yorkshire, + He had ten thousand men; + He marched them up the hill, + And he marched them down again. + And when they're up, they're up, + And when they're down, they're down; + And when they're only half way up, + They're neither up nor down." + +Pretty soon, while we were sitting there, we all started to make up +words to the same tune, and after a while this is what we got to +singing: + + "Oh, there was young Pee-wee Harris (Cook), + That ran a movie show. + He loosed the brake of a station-car, + To see where he would go. + And when he'd roll, he'd roll, + And when he'd stop, he'd stop. + And he stopped right in the middle of the road, + Where there wasn't any traffic cop." + +"Suppose an automobile should come along," Connie said. + +"That's a very good idea," I told him; "suppose one should." + +Westy was sitting up on the top step and he said, "Oh, Sister Anne, +Sister Anne, I think I can see one scooting along through the woods, the +other side of the lake." + +"Let it scoot," I said; "the only way it can get past here is to do a +couple of double flops like Pee-wee's omelet." + +"It can't get around on account of the woods," Pee-wee said. + +"Right the first time, as usual," I told him. "_Over the top_ is the +only way. I hope it's a high-grade car, because a low-grade car could +never get over such a high place." + +"We had a narrow escape," Wig said + +"If the machine doesn't stop, we'll stop it," Connie put in. + +"Sure," I said, "we have a good argument." + +"Brewster's Centre is getting to be a famous name," Westy said. + +Connie said, "Sure, we're getting to be known in all the highways and +byways--especially the highways. What do you say we give a movie show +right here?" + +"Vetoed," I told him. + +We sat on the platform steps talking and jollying each other; what did +we care? Be it ever so much in the wrong place, there's no place like +home. Maybe you've read stories about boys running away from home for +adventures, but our home was a good sport, it went with us. It had a +good name, too, Brewster's Centre. Because it was right plunk in the +center of the road. + +Pretty soon Westy shouted, "Here comes the car. See it? You can see it +right through the trees. It's green and red." + +"It'll be black and blue if it tries to get past here," Wig said. + +It was a great big touring car and its bright brass lights and trimmings +were all shiny on account of the sun setting and shining right on them. +It came rolling along, about fifty miles an hour, out from the woods, +and then even faster as it hit it up along the straight road. Oh, boy, +didn't it just eat up the miles! + +I guess it must have been getting over the ground at about sixty per, +when it began slowing down and stopped about a dozen yards from our car. +Oh, bibbie, that was some peachy machine. + +There were two young fellows in it, and I could see that they were +pretty tough looking. Both of them wore sweaters and one had on one of +those peaked caps like tough fellows in the movies always wear. They +waited just a minute and spoke to each other very excited like. Then +they both looked around, back along the road. + +Next, the fellow with the cap jumped down in a big hurry and looked back +along the road, better than he could do in the car. He seemed awful kind +of scared and excited. He came over toward us, walking kind of sideways, +you know, tough. + +He said, "What's the matter here? Why don't they move this car? Yez are +blockin' up the road, yez are. Where's the en-jine?" + +I wasn't scared of him. I said, "The en-jine is having a nap. Don't talk +so loud or you'll wake it up." + +"Yez are a pretty fresh lot, ain't yez?" he said. "Where's the men +belongin' ter this she-bang, anyway? Yez is blockin' traffic." Then he +looked up the road again and said to the other fellow: "Don't see +nuthin' of 'em, do yer? Keep your eyes peeled." He seemed awful nervous +and in a hurry. + +Just then I noticed Westy get up and step down off the car. "Get them +inside if you can," Westy whispered as he passed me. + +I didn't know for the life of me what he meant. But there's something +about Westy, he's awful kind of thoughtful. Maybe you've read how a +scout is supposed to be observant. Well, that's Westy all over. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +WESTY + + +I said to the fellow, "The railroad hasn't got anything to do with this +car; it belongs to us. And you can bet we weren't thinking about where +it stopped, either. It's better to be here than in the lake." + +He just shouted to the other fellow, "Come here, hurry up!" Then he +craned his neck and looked back along the road. The other fellow got +down from the auto in a hurry and came to the car, looking behind him +all the while. + +One thing, I could see that those fellows were scared and in a terrible +hurry, and I decided that probably they had stolen the machine. I +thought that, not only because they were always looking back, because +they might have expected to be chased just for speeding, but because +they were so tough looking. Anyway, they were pretty low-grade fellows +to be in such a high-grade car, that was one sure thing. Besides, I +knew that the fellow that was running that car wasn't the regular +chauffeur, because the regular chauffeur of a car always kind of slides +out very easy without rubbing against the steering gear. One thing sure, +you can always tell if a man is used to running a car, especially some +particular car. + +Both fellows were on the platform now, and the one that came first said, +"What yez doin' here; blockin' the road?" + +I guess I shouldn't have told them anything, but I said, "We rolled down +from near the store up there and it was lucky we managed to stop right +here, or we'd have been in the lake. It's no easy job managing those +brakes." + +"No?" he said, kind of funny, and then looked at the other fellow. + +Then they both went inside and I could see one of them looked out of the +window up the road, while the other threw his cap on the floor and put +on Connie's scout hat that was hanging in the car. He whispered to the +other fellow and then the other fellow turned around and grabbed Wig's +hat off his head and put it on his own head. + +"Run her down, that's the only thing," one of them said; "and blamed +quick about it, too. You kids git off'er this car if you don't want to +be drowned." + +I saw what they were going to do. They went out on the other platform +and kicked the ratchet out and let the wheel spin. But the car didn't +move. Then they came through to do the same thing to the other one. They +were going to start the car and jump off. I knew it would start right +away, because the grade was so steep. I stood right there in the aisle, +blocking their way and I said: + +"This car belongs to us and you're not going to run it into the lake. +Maybe you heard of Mr. John Temple; he gave it to us. If you start it, +you won't be able to stop it. Maybe it's worth more than that auto for +all you know. Anyway, it is to us, and you're not going to run it into +the lake--you're not." + +He just swore and hit me in the face and I went staggering against one +of the seats. Everything went all whizzing around and for a couple of +seconds my head buzzed so that I couldn't stand up straight. But even +still I wasn't scared of him and I followed them and the other fellows +out onto the other platform. + +"Git off the car, all of yez," I heard one of them say. + +My head was buzzing and I felt awful cold and queer like, but I had +sense enough to notice Westy sitting there on the railing of the +platform, dangling his legs. I guess he must have been waiting there. As +long as I live, I'll never forget how calm and quiet he was, and not +scared of them at all. I was so dizzy from the crack on the head that +fellow gave me, that I had to hold on to the railing and Westy looked as +if he were shaking as he sat on it. But it was only because I was dizzy. +I saw the two fellows grab the wheel and Connie and Pee-wee and Wig jump +off the car. But Westy didn't move, only sat there swinging his legs and +kind of smiling at those two. + +"You're a couple of big cowards, that's what you are," he said; "to hit +a fellow his size. And you're a couple of crazy fools, too. That's what +you are; a couple of low down fools and cowards--and thieves." + +For just a second they let go the wheel and stared at him, but he didn't +move; just sat there watching them and swinging his legs. + +"And what's the use of going to all that trouble?" Westy said. "You'll +only make it worse for yourselves. Do you think that boy scouts are +fools, just because you can hit one of them on the head and knock him +out of your way? I've got two good snapshots of both of you and I hid +the camera, and if you choked me, I wouldn't tell you where it is. See? +That old Pierce-Arrow is here because it's here. See? And it's going to +stay here, too. I just threw your spark plugs into the lake. If you +hadn't been a couple of big fools you wouldn't have stepped inside this +car. _Steal a Pierce-Arrow!_ You make me laugh. You couldn't even get +away with a Ford." + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +TAKING IT EASY + + +And he just sat there, swinging his legs and laughing. It was as good as +a circus to see him. + +"Go ahead, run," he said; "it won't do you any good. Sink this car in +the lake if you want to. That'll just mean a longer time in jail. We +should worry. You thought a boy scout didn't know how to hit back, +didn't you? Let's see you start the machine. You're a couple of circus +clowns, that's what you are. You ought to be a pair of villains in the +movies. Head hurt much, Roy?" + +"Not so bad now," I told him. + +Gee whiz, those fellows didn't wait long. Before Westy was finished +speaking they were off the car and headed into the woods. That was the +last we saw of them, then. + +"Did you ever hear of a thief stopping to have his picture taken?" Westy +asked. + +"If they'd have only stayed a little longer, we could have got them in +the movie camera and we could have a play called _The Robbers' +Regret_," Pee-wee piped up, "or, _The Missing Spark Plugs_." + +"Oh, they're not missing," Westy said; "they're just hiding, disguised +as an oil can. Waste not, want not, hey?" + +Do you know what that fellow had done--all while we were in the car? Talk +about a scout being quick! He had got the snapshots while those two +fellows were on the platform. Then he had hid the camera in the bushes. +But he wanted to make sure that they wouldn't find the plugs, so he put +them into an oil can that he had found under the hood of the machine and +tied a piece of wire to the can. He tied the other end of the wire to +the root of a bush on the shore. And all that he did while the fellows +were in the car. What do you know about that? + +So now he just fished them up and cleaned them out and put them back +where they belonged. Then we all sat in the Pierce-Arrow waiting to see +what would happen next. Right in front of us was that old car with the +sign all along its side. + + Buffalo 398 Mls.--BREWSTER'S CENTER--N. Y. 30 Mls. + +Pretty soon we got to singing, and for a little while everybody was +singing something different from everybody else, but after a few minutes +we got settled down to this: + + "There was the Brewster's Centre car, + That traveled here and there; + It had a lot of adventures, too, + And we don't have to pay any fare. + And when it's here, it's here, + And when it's there, it's there; + And when it isn't any place, + Why then it's everywhere. + And if it isn't on the ground, + You'll find it up in the air; + And if it goes to the moon or Mars, + A plaguey lot we care!" + +"You can talk about tents and log cabins and house-boats and things," +Connie said; "but I'm for that old car. It's stood by _us_." + +"Stood!" I said. "Good night, it hasn't stood very long anywhere; not +since we had it." + +"It's full of pep," Connie said. + +"Always on the go," I told him; "it's different from other cars. It +reminds me of Pee-wee. I wonder where we'll go next." + +"Sure, I wonder what's the next step in our itinerary," Connie said. +Boy, but that fellow is some high brow. + +"Our whaterary?" I asked him. + +"Anyway, it's nice sitting here," Wig said. + +"I wonder who it belongs to?" Pee-wee said. "I bet it belongs to a rich +millionaire." + +"Yes, or a poor one," Connie said. "There's only one thing I don't like +about this Pierce-Arrow, and that's that I don't own it. Otherwise, it's +all right." + +"There's one thing _I_ don't like about it," I said. + +"You're crazy!" Pee-wee shouted. "What don't you like about a +Pierce-Arrow?" + +"One great objection," I said. + +"You must be crazy," he yelled. "You can bet I haven't got any +objections to a Pierce-Arrow." + +"That's because you're not as honest as I am," I said. + +"Who? Me?" he hollered. + +"The only thing I have against this machine is that it's stolen," I +said. "I'm funny that way." + +"You make me sick," Pee-wee said. + +"I'd feel the same way about a flivver," I said. + +"If you took a flivver, that wouldn't be stealing," Connie said; "it +would be shoplifting." + +"Sure, or pickpocketing," Wig said. + +"Do you know the only way to tell if a man has a Ford?" I asked Pee-wee. +"Search him. Look how the sun is going down." + +The Brewster's Centre sign was all bright on account of the sun setting. +It was getting dark and kind of cold and it made me homesick, sort of. +It seemed funny to see that car standing there across that strange road, +with the lake on one side and the thick woods on the other. The woods +were beginning to look dark and gloomy, and the arm of the lake was all +steel color. I was glad on account of that sign, because it seemed +friendly, like. That's one thing about an automobile, it doesn't seem +friendly, like. But boats do. And the old car did, that was one sure +thing. + +Mostly scouts don't care much about railroads, because they like the +water and they like to hike. But anyway, that old car was friendly. +Especially it seemed friendly on account of the sun going down and the +day beginning to die and it getting cold. You can talk about boats and +motorcycles and tents and leaf shelters and all those things, but +anyway, none of them were as good as that old car. And don't you +forget, either, that it was Westy that saved it for us. If it hadn't +been for him, it would have been in the lake. + +He's one real scout, Westy is. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +THE SHERIFF ARRIVES + + +We were singing that crazy stuff that we had made up, when all of a +sudden, along came an automobile with four men in it, and stopped right +behind us. We heard one of them say, "Why, that's the car, now." + +They all jumped down and came around the big Pierce-Arrow and stood +staring up at us. They stared at the Brewster's Centre car, too; I guess +they didn't know what to make of it. + +One of the men said, "What's all this? What are you boys doing with that +machine?" + +As long as none of the other fellows said anything, I spoke up and said, +"We're boy scouts and we're sitting here." + +"Boy scouts!" he said, all flabbergasted. + +"Right the first time," I told him; "we rescued this car from two +fellows that were trying to get away with it. You see that railroad car? +That belongs to us." + +"We're going to have a deed to it," Pee-wee shouted. + +"Sure," I said; "a dark and bloody deed. We just happened to be there, +because we rolled down the grade from Ridgeboro. Believe me, I've been +through eight different grades in school, but this one was the worst I +ever saw. We came near taking a header into the lake, but we got the +brakes on just in time. You get a fine view of the car from here, don't +you?" + +"I'm the sheriff of this county," the man said. "You say you stopped +this machine?" + +"We can stop any machine, even a Rolls-Royce," I told him. + +"Yes?" he said. + +"You'd better ask this fellow how it was," I said, pointing to Westy. + +"We stopped them, that's all," Westy said. That was just like him. + +"Well then, _I'll_ tell you," I said. "When they said they couldn't get +by, they wanted to run our car down into the lake. What did they care?" + +"But we _foiled_ them," Pee-wee shouted. + +"Foiled them, hey?" the sheriff said. Gee, he couldn't help smiling. + +Then I just grabbed Westy's head and pulled it where the men could see. +"When they were on the railroad car," I said, "this fellow took the +spark plugs out of the machine and hid them in the lake." + +One of the men blurted out, "What!" + +"That's nothing," Pee-wee started; "once----" + +"He got a couple of snapshots of them, too," I said; "maybe they'll be +of some use to you." + +"Hey, Mister, can this machine do eighty miles an hour?" Wig piped up. + +"Seventy," the man said. + +"_Y--a--a--h!_ What did I tell you?" Connie said, giving him a rap on +the head. + +"Maybe you'll be able to catch them, hey?" Connie said. "Anyway, I hope +so, because one of them hit this fellow a good whack on the head." + +"So?" said the man. "Well, we'll take care of that pair. It won't be +hard, with their pictures. They're a couple of the most desperate auto +thieves and highwaymen in this state. You boys did a fine thing. You +deserve great credit." + +"That's nothing," Pee-wee said; "once when----" + +"Which way did they go?" the men asked. + +So then we told them all there was to tell, and about our car, and about +how we were brought out to Ridgeboro by mistake. They were in so much +of a hurry that I thought they'd just let our car roll down into the +water, so that they could get by. But anyway, they didn't do that. I +guess they liked us, because we did them a good turn. + +As soon as Westy gave them the film out of his pocket camera, they +lifted a big heavy log across the tracks near the water. They said they +thought they could let the car roll easily against that, without any +danger of its going on down into the water. You bet we were nervous till +we saw them do it, and then we realized that probably those thieves +could have done the same thing, except that they didn't care anything +about other people's property. + +The men thought that the two fellows would cut through the woods and +come out at a town named Skunk Hollow. Ozone Valley, that was the new +name of it. So we all went in the two cars to that place, because a +train stopped there at about half-past eight, and they thought that +maybe those fellows would take the train. + +I don't know which went faster, the automobiles or Pee-wee's tongue. +Anyway, Pee-wee's tongue was running on high. He sat behind me in the +big machine, wedged in between two big deputy sheriffs, and he told +every heroic act that scouts have done since the movement started. +Blamed if I know how he finds those things out, but he does. He gave +them Westy's whole history and told how Tom Slade won the gold cross and +how burglars and highwaymen weren't safe any more, on account of the Boy +Scouts. Every time they told him it was wonderful, he would say, "That's +nothing," and come right back with a five reeler. Oh, boy, I thought I'd +die, but I guess the sheriffs liked it. Anyway, they laughed a lot. + +Pee-wee told them about a scout in the dismal north (that's what he +called it) that rescued a maiden. He told them a maiden was something +like a girl, "only more kind of pale and weak and helpless, like." I +nearly doubled up. + +But anyway, he didn't mention cooking. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +RAILROADING + + +When we got to the Ozone Valley station, there wasn't anything there, +but the ozone and a couple of milk cans. The men searched all around in +the woods and under the freight platform, but they couldn't find the two +fellows. + +"Don't you get discouraged," Pee-wee told them; "often I couldn't find +things and then later they'd turn up." + +"Oh, they'll turn up," the sheriff said; "and they'll _go_ up, too. Just +give us a chance to get those films developed." + +Pretty soon the train came along, going toward Skiddyunk. It was a way +train and I guess it stopped every now and then to change its mind. It +had a couple of baggage cars and a couple of freight cars and a +refrigerator car and one passenger car at the end. There were only a few +people in the car. + +The sheriffs searched the whole train, but they couldn't find the two +fellows anywhere. They even searched the refrigerator car, but I didn't +think they'd be there, because they were fresh enough without going on +ice. + +The conductor was a big fat man; he was awful nice. When the sheriffs +told him about us, he laughed and said, "That's funny; I have a bill for +that car; I'm going to pick it up to-night." + +I said, "We heard there wasn't a freight on the Slopson Branch till +Tuesday morning. We don't exactly want to go back yet." + +He said, "Well now, Sonny, you see I haven't got any say about it. I get +a bill and that's all there is to it. There might be a freight out of +Slopson to-morrow or the next day, and then again, there might not. You +could come near sending the whole of Slopson by Parcels Post. I've heard +about you kids and I've got word to look after you. You're mighty lucky +you didn't all go kerflop into the lake." + +"How soon is there another train through here?" the sheriff asked him. + +"Twelve-fifteen, if she's on time," the conductor said; "she's a through +from Buffalo." + +"Believe me," I said; "that's one town I know something about--Buffalo. +I'll never forget Buffalo, 398 Mls." They all laughed. + +"She doesn't stop here, does she?" the sheriff asked. + +"Stops at Skiddyunk for water," the conductor said. "She passes us down +at Red Hill siding." + +The sheriff said, "I guess two of us had better watch the station here +and be on the safe side in case she slows down, and the other two will +go down in one of the machines and keep an eye out at Skiddyunk. They +might get on there. We'll probably beat you to Skiddyunk, but if we +don't, nab 'em if they get on. They're going to try to get away from +these parts, I know that." + +I was just thinking we'd have to hike back along the road to our little +Home Sweet Home, when the conductor said, "Hop on, you boys." + + * * * * * + +When we got to Skiddyunk, the sheriff and one of his men were already +there. But there wasn't any sign of the two fellows. Then the train +started backing up along the Slopson Branch and the two sheriffs stayed +on it. Pretty soon we were back almost to where we had started from. +There wasn't any station at Ridgeboro, but the sheriffs looked all +around the closed-up store, in the wood-shed and under the platform. +Then the train backed down the siding and very gently bunked into the +Brewster's Centre car. There were men swinging lights and shouting to +each other, while one coupled our car to the train. Then there was a lot +more shouting and swinging lights and then we started. + +We stood on the back platform of our own car and I could see the moon +just beginning to shine on the part of the lake that we were moving away +from. The wheels rattled, rattled; and it seemed kind of as if the car +was saying _so long, so long, so long_---- + +Pretty soon, away across the lake, we could see a light and we knew it +was the fire at _Camp Smile Awhile_. Then we passed the store that was +all closed up tight and I said, "so long, store. So long, _Camp Smile +Awhile_." And while we stood out there on the back platform, the wheels +kept saying, "S'long, s'long, s'long, s'long, s'long...." + +Gee whiz, I was sorry. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +CRAZY STUFF + + +One thing sure, those auto thieves weren't on our train; they didn't get +on at any of those three places, Ozone Valley or Ridgeboro or Skiddyunk. +The two sheriffs got off at Skiddyunk again, to keep a watch when the +late train came through. The Skiddyunk Station was all dark. As we left +it the wheels kept saying, "s'long, s'long," and pretty soon we couldn't +see it at all, and I knew that the country where we had had so much fun +was way back there in the dark and that probably we'd never see it any +more. + +That was a single-track railroad and as we stood on the back platform, +we could see the two shiny rails going away back into the dark. + +"Let's go and sit down," I said; "I'm tired." + +We had a shoe box full of eats that the girls at _Camp Smile Awhile_ had +given us and, yum, yum, those sandwiches were good. + +Pretty soon a brakeman came staggering through, holding onto the seats. +He had a red lantern and he hung it on the back platform. "So's the +flyer won't bunk her nose into us," he said. + +"Reg'lar private car, you kids got," he said. + +I said, "When do you think we'll get to Bridgeboro, New Jersey?" + +"Depends on the out trains from New York," he said; "we get in about +three. No telling how long you'll stand in the yards. If you're picked +up pretty quick, you ought to be home in time for breakfast. But there's +no telling with a dead special." + +I said, "You don't call this car a dead one, do you? You ought to have +seen the adventures it had." + +He laughed and said, "A dead special is a pickup. It ain't carried +straight through. It's picked up and laid down and picked up. See?" + +"We should worry when we get home," I said. + +"You'll get there," he said, nice and pleasant; "don't you worry." + +"Worry?" Connie said. "That must be a Greek word; I never heard it." + +He was an awful nice fellow, that brakeman. + +Pretty soon we were all sprawling on the seats, started on our favorite +indoor sport, jollying Pee-wee. The train went through a pretty wild +country and sometimes we could look way down into deep valleys, and +sometimes mountains went right up straight from the tracks and seemed +like walls outside the windows. + +Wig said, "To-morrow is Columbus Day." + +"Right the first time," I told him; "I wish we weren't going to get home +'till Tuesday." + +"What's the difference between Tuesday?" Connie wanted to know. + +"Is it a conundrum?" I said. + +"No, it's an adverb, I mean a proverb," he said. + +"Tuesday and _what_?" Pee-wee shouted. + +"Tuesday and nothing," Connie said; "just Tuesday. Ask me the answer to +it." + +"You're crazy," Pee-wee shouted; "what's the answer to it?" + +Connie said, "There isn't any answer. Want to hear another? How many +onions are there?" + +"Where?" Pee-wee yelled. + +"Anywhere," Connie said. + +"That shows how much sense you have," the kid screamed. + +I laughed so hard I nearly fell off the seat. + +"What's the cause of tears?" Connie said right back at him. + +"What?" Pee-wee asked him. + +"Crying," Connie said. "Why is the sky blue?" + +"Why is it?" the kid shouted. + +"It isn't," Connie said; "look out of the window, it's black." + +"That isn't a riddle," Pee-wee shouted. + +"It's a fact," Connie said; "what's the answer to a question?" + +"You make me tired," the kid screamed; "what kind of a question?" + +"Any kind," Connie said; "how fast is a mile?" + +"A mile isn't fast, you crazy Indian!" Pee-wee screamed at him. "That +shows----" + +"All right, how slow is it then?" Connie asked him. "Suppose I have my +picture taken." + +"Well, what?" the kid blurted out. + +"Nothing," Connie said. + +"You said, suppose you had your picture taken," Pee-wee screamed. + +"All right, suppose I did; what of it?" Connie laughed. + +"He's got a right to have his picture taken, hasn't he?" I said. "You +can take mine if you'll bring it back." + +"You're all crazy," Pee-wee shouted; "you don't know a riddle when you +see one. Do you call those riddles? A riddle is something where you ask +a question and the answer, kind of, means something else." + +[Illustration] + +"Precisely," Westy said; "the same as somewhere is a place you get to, +by going to it. Deny it if you can." + +"Well, there's one place I'm going to," Connie said; "and that's +asleep." + +"If you don't mind, I'll go with you," Wig said. + +I don't know how it is, but just before we turn in, we always have a lot +of nonsense like that. I bet you think we're crazy. Pretty soon Westy +and I were the only ones awake. He's so careful he never goes anywhere +without thinking it over beforehand--not even to sleep. If he were going +to go crazy, he'd have to think it all over beforehand and count ten +first. Talk about watching your step; he has his chained. And he always +remembers where he puts things, too. He never even loses his temper. I +don't lose mine much, but gee whiz, I mislay it sometimes. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +UP IN THE AIR + + +"This is a pretty wild country," Westy said; "it's all mountains. Do you +hear the echo of the engine?" + +Just as clear as could be, I could hear the sound of the engine echoing +back from the mountains; the chugging and rattling sounded double, like. +Then, pretty soon, it kind of died away. + +After about half a minute, Westy and I just sat staring at each other, +listening. + +"That's funny," he said; "it seems to be going farther away." + +"It sounds like the trains when you hear them at Temple Camp," I said. + +He said, "That isn't our train, it's another train; it's over that way. +We didn't hear it before, on account of ours." + +I guess neither of us said anything for about half a minute, and all the +while we could hear the rattling of the train, away off somewhere. + +I said, "Westy, we're slowing down; it feels kind of funny; do you +notice?" + +"How?" he said. + +"We're slowing down and there isn't any knocking of the cars against +each other." + +We both listened and all the while we could hear the rattling of a train +far away. + +"It feels just the same as it felt when we rolled down the siding," I +said; "I don't know, kind of funny--easy like." + +He opened the window and then shouted, "_Look, look!_ This car's all +alone. Look off there." + +Away ahead of us, but a little over to one side, we could see a bright +spot moving along and little bright dots in back of it. I knew it was +the brightness thrown by a headlight and the lights showing through car +windows. It was _our_ train scooting along around the mountains. Our car +kept slowing down very easy sort of, as if there was nothing pulling it +or holding it back either. I knew the feeling, because I had been on +that car when it was like that before. It went slower and slower and +slower and then the wheels sounded different--sort of hollow, kind of. +Then the car just crawled along and at last it stopped. + +"Look down," Westy said; "I can't see the ground. Do you hear water +rushing?" + +I looked out of the window and down, down, down, till I couldn't see +anything but just the dark. But I could hear water way down there. + +"We're on a high bridge," I said. + +Just then the wind blew strong and it brought the noise of that train +near again. And it shook the bridge, too, ever so little. + +Westy said, "Roy, we're a couple of hundred feet up. You know just how +the water in Black Gully sounds up near Temple Camp. That's over two +hundred feet." + +"What happened, do you suppose?" I asked him. + +"Coupling broke, I guess," he said. "Let's have one of those lifters +from the stove." + +We dropped one of the iron lifters and listened to hear it fall. But all +we could hear was a little splash, away far down. + +"This bridge must be terribly high," Westy said; "feel how it shakes in +the wind." + +"This is a dickens of a spooky place to be," I told him; "especially in +a strong wind." + +"You said it," Westy answered. + +Gee whiz, I've often felt kind of shaky going over a high bridge in a +train, but to be left standing in the middle of one; _oh, boy_! + +"Let's go and see what happened," he said. + +We got the red lantern from the back platform of the car and went +through to the other platform and held it down. There was nothing at all +beneath us, except ties very far apart, and the rails and the heavy +steel runners outside the rails. The coupling was broken, all right. I +guess that coupling must have been an old timer. + +"Hang the lantern on the rail," Westy said, "while I get down and see +what happened." + +"Look out what you're doing," I said; "there's two or three hundred feet +of space below you. Watch your step." + +He lay on the platform so as to be able to reach down and look down +where the coupling was, and find out just what had happened. + +"Hold the light down," he said. + +Gee, I can't tell you just how it happened. Westy says he was to blame +and I say I was to blame. He said he knocked the lantern out of my hand, +but, gee whiz, I should have kept it out of his way. Anyway, it went +tumbling down and it went so far that it looked like just a little red +speck. It stayed lighted till it crashed away down in the bottom of +that place. And the light turned yellow and spread a little bit, then +went out. I guess the oil spilled on a rock down there. Anyway, it +looked like miles. + +Westy was breathing hard and I guess I was, too. He said, "Have you got +that time table? What time did our conductor say that train from Buffalo +comes through?" + +I said, "About midnight. We're in a pretty bad fix. I guess I'd better +wake the fellows up, hey?" + +We were both pretty serious. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +IN THE DARK + + +I guess you know that was an old out-of-date car, because anyone would +know that the railroad people wouldn't use a good car to stand on a side +track for a makeshift station. Gee whiz, we didn't care about that, we +even liked it, because it was old-fashioned and kind of ramshackle; it +made it seem like a good place for camping. And if it hadn't been for +that old stove in the corner of it, we could never have bunked in it and +cooked our meals. Crinkums, I like old things, but not old worn-out +couplings. Nay, nay! + +Another thing, the only lights in that car were three lamps along the +top, but they weren't exactly lights, because the lamps were broken. +Just the brass things were there. There was just one good lamp in a side +bracket in the ticket agent's place, and when we started away from +Brewster's Centre that was full of oil. But we used it all up on +Saturday night in Ridgeboro and we couldn't get any at the store the +next day, on account of it being Sunday. We were going to get some on +Monday morning, but you see we were picked up Sunday night. So now the +only light we had was a little flashlight belonging to Connie Bennett. + +I said, "Westy, this is the worst fix we were ever in. I never thought +about anything like this when I said it was a lot of fun being pulled +all over the country in this car. Feel how the bridge shakes in the +wind; it's kind of spooky like, hey? If it only wasn't so dark. That +makes it worse, not being able to see where you are at all. Listen, do +you hear a train?" + +"Nope," he said, all the while listening; "I guess it's just because +you're scared." + +"Anyway, there's no use wasting time," I told him; "let's wake up the +fellows." + +That was some job. We had to roll Pee-wee off the seat onto the floor +and then roll him out into the aisle. I guess they didn't know what we +were talking about first, but when they knew about it, they sat up all +right. We just sat there talking in the pitch dark. + +"What good is the flashlight?" Connie asked us. "It won't show far +enough and the battery won't hold out for more than about a half an +hour. I hear a train now." + +No one said a word; just listened. "I heard that," Westy said; "it isn't +a train." + +"One is likely to crash into us any minute," Wig said; "I'd rather jump +and be done with it--the suspense." + +"Do you call that using your brains?" Pee-wee shouted. Gee whiz, when +you come right down to it, I have to admit that kid is a bully little +scout. + +"You couldn't walk the ties even if we could," Wig said; "you can't take +a long enough step." + +"Well, then, _you_ walk them and I'll stay here," the kid said. + +I reached across in the dark and hit him a good rap on the shoulder. +"That shows there's one thing about scouting you don't know, Kiddo," I +told him. "A scout troop is just as strong as its weakest member, just +the same as a chain is as strong as its weakest link. We _will_ use our +brains, right up to the last minute. Don't get scared." + +We all listened to a sound we heard far off. + +"I'm not scared," Pee-wee said. And even in the dark I could see his +eyes looking straight at me and they looked awful brave and clear, kind +of. + +"No use getting excited," Wig said. "Why couldn't we break up some wood +and start a fire a few feet away from the car?" + +"Listen!" Connie said; "shh----" + +"Maybe it would stop a train, but it would surely burn the bridge down," +Westy said. "The ties are wooden. There's enough wood to curl the steel +all up into a mess of wreckage. And all that might happen before the +train came along." + +"Could we walk the ties?" Wig asked. "Even if they're far apart we might +help Pee-wee----Listen!" + +"Don't be all the time scaring me," I said, kind of mad, like. Because I +was getting good and scared, and rattled. "Let's see your light, +Connie." + +I held the light to the time table. "There's no station anywhere around +here, I guess," I said; "but that flyer ought to come along pretty +soon----" + +"I hear it now," Wig said. + +"No, you don't," I told him; "what's the use of getting us all excited? +Sit still. If it comes along, all we can do is to go out and lie flat +on the ties and trust to luck. Any fellow that wants to hang by his +hands, can do it. It would be pretty hard lifting ourselves up again +though. But the flyer isn't coming yet." + +"I hear a whistle," Wig said. + +"No, you don't hear a whistle," I told him; "that's an owl down there in +the woods. Don't you know the call of an owl?" + +"How about freight trains?" Connie asked. + +I said, "I don't know anything about freight trains; they're not on the +time table. Of course, we're up against it, but what's the use of going +all to pieces? If any fellow wants to try walking the ties, he can do +it. It would be hard enough in the daytime. On a dark night like this, +he'd just go crashing down into all those rocks and water, that's all. +Maybe the chances are against us, but I say, let's stick together." + +"That's what I say," Pee-wee shouted; "we've always stuck together. I +say _stick together_." + +"Bully for you, Kid," I said. + +"We had a lot of fun anyway," he said; "and I always voted for you for +patrol leader. I'm not scared." + +I got up, because I just couldn't sit there any more. Every time the +wind blew and the car rattled, it gave me a start. I put my arm over +Pee-wee's shoulder and I said, "I've jollied you a lot, Walt." + +"I don't mind that," he said; "and besides, a scout is brave." + +"You're a better scout than any of us, I guess," I told him. + +Then I went out onto the platform, because I just couldn't keep still. I +remembered what Connie had said about all the men that lose their lives +working on railroads. Anyway, Pee-wee was right, we had had a lot of +fun. I guess we never thought about the other side of it. I looked away +down into the dark and I could just hear the water splashing on the +rocks. I had to grab hold of the railing when the wind blew. I looked +away off along the tracks, but I couldn't even see where the bridge +ended; only I could see a kind of a big patch of dark that was blacker +than the regular dark, and I thought it was a mountain. I guessed maybe +a headlight would show suddenly around that. Connie came out, but didn't +say anything, and then went back through to the other platform. I could +hear frogs croaking, away down. + +"Going to watch?" I called after him. + +He said, "We're going to hang from the ties when we hear it." + +"All right," I told him; "it's awful dark. I can't see a thing." + +I heard one of the fellows inside say that maybe the wind would start +the car, but I knew that was crazy talk, because a bridge is always +level. I made up my mind that I'd hang from one of the ties and clasp my +hands around it. I knew that it would be hard pulling myself up and +scrambling onto the bridge again; _all_ of us wouldn't manage it, that +was sure. It seemed kind of funny that probably we wouldn't have a full +patrol any more. I wasn't exactly scared but, kind of, I didn't like to +hear those frogs croaking way down there. It sounded so spooky. + +I heard Westy say, "So long, Roy, if I don't see you again." + +I called in for him to keep the kid near him. He was always my special +chum, Westy was.... + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +WALTER HARRIS, SCOUT + + +All of a sudden, somebody was standing near me on the platform and +clutching my arm. It was Pee-wee. + +"Look out you don't fall, Kid," I told him. + +"I didn't tell any of them," he whispered. "Listen, I've got an idea. I +was--all the while I was trying to use my brains. But anyhow, I don't +know just how we can do it, but you can find a way, so then really it'll +be _your_ idea. Shh--I want the fellows to think it's your idea; see? +Shh! Why can't we use the movie apparatus, some way; why can't we? And +flash it to them." + +"You said it!" I fairly yelled. + +"Shh--h," he whispered; "I always voted for you; listen, it's _your_ +idea, see? Because I don't know just how----" + +Oh, boy, I just grabbed that kid around the neck, till I could feel his +curly head right tight close to me. + +"What should I '_shh_' about?" I shouted. "You little brick! What are +you whispering about? _Pee-wee's hit it!_" I just fairly shouted. "We're +all right. Get in the car," I yelled at him, and I gave him a push. +"Telling your patrol leader to shut up, are you?" + +Then I called him back again, I just couldn't help it, and I grabbed him +around the neck and I just held him that way. + +"You _bully_, _tip-top_ little scout," I said; "you--you little Silver +Fox! You--you've saved all of us." + +"And we can _always_ stick together, hey?" he said. + +"Sure,--oh, sure," I told him; "you bet!" + +Gee whiz, all we needed was the idea. All the rest of the ideas came to +us quick enough. + +"There's oil in the movie lamp," Wig yelled. + +"Break one of the windows," I said; "_quick_." + +"What for?" + +"Never mind what for. Get a piece of glass," I hollered. "Pick out two +long sticks--hurry up." + +It didn't take us long to decide just how we'd do. + +"Two _long_ ones," I said; "don't be listening for trains." + +Crash went a window. "I've got a good piece," Pee-wee yelled. + +"All right, blacken it with the movie lamp," I told him. + +Oh, boy, we were some busy crew. The wood that had been nailed up under +the car in Brewster's Centre was in long strips, and we hauled a couple +of the longest ones out double quick. It wasn't exactly my idea, what we +did; it was all of our ideas, I guess. We planned it out while we were +hustling. + +One of those long strips we stuck out of the window and then held it up +outside. One end of it was inside the car, resting on the seat, and the +other end pointed up as straight as we could hold it outside. It reached +up past the roof. Two of us held it that way, while two others did the +same thing with another one through the window just opposite. So you see +those two long strips stuck up, one on either side of the roof. They +didn't stand up straight on account of sticking down through the +windows, but they slanted away from each other up above. It took four of +us to hold them that way. + +[Illustration: SPRAWLING RIGHT ACROSS THAT SHEET WAS THE WORD _STOP_. + +_Roy Blakeley's Camp on Wheels._ _Page 150_] + +While we were doing that, Pee-wee had the little movie lamp turned up so +it smoked and he held the piece of glass over it until it was all black +with soot. Pee-wee was all black with soot, too. A scout is thorough. In +two minutes more, I guess, he would have been disguised as a negro. + +"Turn it down," I said; "that's enough. Are you game to climb up on the +car? Get the sheet and the rope, quick." + +Pee-wee was game for anything. You never saw him back down, did you? Not +even--but never mind. That's a thing of the past. In five seconds that +little monkey was up on top of the car with the screen cloth and the +rope that we always used to hang it from. I called up out of the window +for him to look out. + +"I don't see any trains," he shouted down. + +"I mean look out for yourself," I said. "Tie the rope across from one +stick to the other as high as you can reach," Wig shouted; "and be +careful when you stand up." + +"That's nothing," Pee-wee shouted. + +In less than half a minute the sticks stood up all right without being +held, and we knew that they were tied together and bent enough toward +each other so that they would stand up good and solid. Then we told him +to sit down, because we didn't want him standing and reaching up to fix +the sheet. + +"I'll go up," I said. + +When I got up on the roof, Pee-wee and I hooked the sheet to the rope +all the way across and tied it to the sticks at the bottom, so it +wouldn't blow. Then we dangled the end of rope down past the window just +below, and the fellows tied the movie apparatus to it, and we hauled it +up. There was a kind of a tank lying flat on the roof and fastened +tight, and we stood the apparatus close against that, and kept close to +it ourselves to keep from slipping and falling off. Jiminies, I've heard +of tramps riding on the tops of cars like that, but believe me, I +wouldn't want to be on the top of one while it was going. + +With my little finger I printed the word STOP in good big black letters +on the smoked glass. + +"Listen," Pee-wee said; "shh; do you hear a train?" + +I listened. "I guess it's just the fellows down in the car," I said. +"Have you got matches?" + +"I've got four pockets full of them," he said. Even then I had to laugh. +A scout is thorough. + +"Listen," he said; "I think it's a train." + +Away off I could hear a rattling sound, very low and quick--_tkd_, +_tkd_, _tkd_, _tkd_, _tkd_, _tkd_, _tkd_, _tkd_; then all of a sudden a +long, shrill whistle. And I could hear it again, very low, echoing from +the mountains. + +"_She's coming!_" Connie shouted up. + +"We should worry," I hollered down. + +But just the same my hand trembled as I put the piece of glass into the +apparatus, and held it there in place. + +There wasn't any sign of light anywhere, the cloth stayed as dark as +pitch. + +"What's the matter?" Pee-wee asked, all breathless. + +"It doesn't work," I said. I could hardly speak, and cold shudders were +going all through me. + +Away far off, there came a big patch of light on one of the mountains, +so that we could even see the trees off there. It was from the headlight +of a locomotive that we couldn't see yet. I guess it was coming around +the mountain. + +"All right?" Westy called up out of the window. + +"It doesn't work, Westy," I said. + +I could hardly speak, my throat felt so queer, sort of. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +"POTS" + + +"Did you take the cap off?" Westy called up. Thoughtful little Westy! + +"G--o--o--d night," I said; "I never took the cap off the lens +cylinder." + +"Maybe that was the reason," Pee-wee said, in that innocent way of his. + +"It's just possible," I said. + +I took off the cap and, oh, _Christopher Columbus_, wasn't I happy! +Sprawling right across that sheet was the word STOP in good big letters. +Believe me, that was my favorite word. STOP. It showed far enough in +both directions for an engineer to see it in time to come to a full +stop. + +"Will they see it?" Pee-wee asked me, all excited. + +"If the engineer isn't dead, he'll see it," I told him. + +"Maybe we ought to have said _please_, hey? A scout is supposed to be +polite," he said. I just had to sit back and laugh, right there on the +roof of that car. Cracky, but that kid is a scream. + +One funny thing was that from the train the word would show wrong side +around. It would show the right way from one direction and the wrong way +from the other direction. + +"It will read POTS," I said. + +"Maybe he won't stop, hey?" the kid asked me. + +"Sure he will," I said; "how does he know how big the pots are? It will +knock him silly when he sees that." + +Even beyond the screen, away over against a hill, we could see the word +POTS printed very dim and small. Only the P was wrong side around. + +But anyway, safety first; so I kept moving the glass so the word danced +around. An engineer who couldn't have seen that must have been blind. + +Pretty soon, along she came, and we could see the headlight now, good +and clear, and hear her thundering along as if she should worry about +anything. _Rattle_, _bang_, she went, and roaring and clanking as if +she'd be glad to trample the whole world down and never even stop to +take notice. _Slam_, _bang_, she came along, and we could see the +mountains as plain as day, brightened up by her headlight. + +I just held the glass, moving it around, and I have to admit I was a +little kind of nervous, sort of. + +_Slam bang, slam bang!_ She came along and we could hear the rattling +and clanking echoing from the mountains, and the racket was all mixed +up. Sparks of light were flying up out of the smokestack and we could +hear the rails clanking, clanking.... + +Then the sound of the clanking changed. Then it died down, and there was +only the steady rattle, rattle.... + +She was slowing down. + +"We've got her, Kid," I said; "sit still, you'll only fall off. We've +got her eating out of our hands." + +"Clank, clank, clank--clank--clank," she went; then "s-s-s-s-s-s...." + +She had stopped. + +There she stood, puffing and puffing, part on the bridge, and part back +in the dark. The locomotive seemed like a big lion that had just been +going to spring at us. + +"Hurrah!" we heard the fellows down in the car calling. + +"P-f-f-f-f-f-f," the locomotive went. + +"Let _me_ do it! Let _me_ do it!" Pee-wee yelled. + +I took the piece of glass out and leaned back against the tank. All of a +sudden I saw something else sprawled all over the sheet. It was the +right way around, too, for the engineer. I guess Pee-wee had been +carrying it in his pocket. Anyway, there were spots on it where the soot +had been wiped off. But it was easy to read it, and this is what it +said: + + MUCH OBLIGED, MISTER + +Honest, can you beat that kid? + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +"SEEN IN THE MOVIES" + + +I guess the fellows down in the car must have seen the notice where it +was printed kind of faint like, against a hill, because they couldn't +have seen it on the screen. Anyway, they set up a howl and began +shouting up out of the windows. They're a crazy bunch. + +"Show them Pee-wee peeling potatoes! Show them Pee-wee flopping +flip-flops!" they began yelling. + +"Show them the one of me stirring soup," the kid said, grabbing me by +the arm; "that's the best one!" + +I said, "You crazy Indian, do you think those people in the flyer are +there to see a movie show? Keep still, here come a couple of men with +lanterns." + +"They're going to penetrate the mystery," Pee-wee said. I guess he got +that out of some book, hey? _Penetrate the mystery._ + +I said, "As long as they didn't penetrate this car, I'm satisfied." + +We could see two lights bobbing along toward us from the train. Even +with lanterns it must have been a pretty risky job, walking those ties. +All the while Pee-wee and I were taking down the sheet, and as soon as +we loosened it from the sticks, the fellows down in the car pulled them +in. + +"Look how clear it shows against the hill, now the sheet isn't up," I +said to Pee-wee. + +I guess you know what I meant, all right. Even through the sheet the +printing had shown kind of dim against a hill in back of the train, but +with the sheet taken down it showed pretty clear and it seemed awful +funny. And besides, now that the sheet was down we had a good look at +the train; the light from the movie apparatus seemed to shine right +along the tops of the cars. + +All of a sudden, Pee-wee grabbed me by the arm and said, "Look! _Look!_ +On the top of the second car. Look! Do you see? Right beside that long +sort of a boiler thing." + +I looked, and then, for once, I had sense enough to do the right thing +in a hurry. I closed the shutter in the apparatus. + +"Did you see them?" Pee-wee whispered, all excited. + +"Sure," I said; "two men." + +They were lying on the top of the car, right close against a big, long +thing like a boiler. It was much bigger than the thing on our car. One +was lying on one side of it, and the other one on the opposite side. The +reason I shut the light off in such a hurry was because I didn't want +them to know they were seen. + +"Are they train robbers?" Pee-wee whispered to me. "Are they +highwaymen?" + +"They're high enough to be highwaymen," I told him. + +"Maybe they're bandits, hey?" he said. + +"I hope so, for your sake," I told him. "I hope they're a couple of +pirates, but I guess they're only tramps. Come on, let's go down." + +We dangled the movie apparatus down and the fellows took it in through +the window. Then they came out on the platform and helped the kid and me +down. That was a pretty hard job, believe _me_. Just as we got our feet +on terra what d'ye call it.--I mean terra cotta[A]--that Latin for +platform--anyway, you know what I mean--as soon as we got our two feet +(I mean four feet) on the platform, the two men with lanterns had just +reached it. + +One of the men said, "What's all this? What are you doing here, anyway? +Who are you?" Gee whiz, it sounded like an examination paper. + +Whenever we get mixed up with grown-up people it's usually me--I mean +_I_--that has to do the talking. Pee-wee usually helps though. So I gave +the men our regular motto. + +I said, "We're here because we're here. Ask me something easy. This is +the Comedy of Errors." I said that because we have the Comedy of Errors +in school and I just happened to think of it. + +I guess the man was the fireman; anyway, he had on a jumper. He walked +into the car and looked all around with his lantern and the other man +looked all around, too, trying to size us up, I guess. + +The fireman said, "Comedy of Errors, huh?" + +Pee-wee said, "Sure, that's in Shakespeare." + +"Well, it's mighty gol darn lucky you had a movie machine along," the +fireman said. "You youngsters have had a _mighty narrow_ escape." + +"Why shouldn't it be a narrow escape?" Connie said. "It's a narrow +bridge. Anyway, where do we go from here?" + +"There's a couple of men lying on the top of one of your cars, too," +Pee-wee said; "we could see them by the light." + +"Tramps, I guess," the brakeman said. He didn't seem to be surprised. + +So then we told them all about how it was with us--our adventures with +the car and all that. They said we had a bad coupling and that it was no +wonder it had parted. + +"We should worry," I told him; "scouts stick together, even if couplings +part. But anyway, we'd like to get off this bridge." + +The fireman said it wouldn't be a bad idea. + +FOOTNOTE: + +[Footnote A: He probably meant terra firma.] + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +"FOILED" + + +Pretty soon they went back to the train and then, after about ten +minutes, the engine began puffing and coming toward us ever so slow. It +seemed as if it hardly moved. + +"I think we're going to get a good bunk in the nose," Wig said. + +"Good night," I told him; "I hope it doesn't pick up speed." + +"I'd rather see it pick up anything than that," Connie said. + +"Suppose it had hit us at full speed," Pee-wee said. + +"It would have been a home run all right," I told him. + +Even with that locomotive just creeping along toward us, it scared me. +It seemed as if it couldn't touch our car without banging it into +splinters. But that engineer knew what he was doing all right. The train +came along so slowly you could hardly tell it was moving, and sometimes +it stopped and started again. Pee-wee said it was going scout pace. But +it was more like a snail's pace, I guess. + +Pretty soon it stopped just about ten feet from us and the headlight +brightened up the whole car. I could feel the bridge tremble a little, +sort of keeping time with that great big locomotive, as it stood there +puffing and just kind of throbbing. And I thought how all that engineer +would have to do was pull a handle and--_g--o--o--d_ night! He was +sitting, looking out of the window, sort of calm and easy, smoking a +pipe. Connie called up to him and said, "Hey, Mister, have a heart and +don't start anything." The engine just went, "_pff_, _pff_, _pff_," very +slow. We could even feel the heat of it. + +Somebody called out for us to get inside the car and stay there. A man +went through our car with a red lantern and kept swinging it on the +other platform. I could see men swinging red lights way in the back of +the train, too. Some people on the train tried to get out, but the +railroad men made them get on again. I could hear a lady crying that +there was going to be a bad collision. Cracky, I never heard of a good +one, did you? + +The men between the front of the engine and our car had a long iron bar, +sort of, and they had one end of it fixed in a sort of coupling just +above the cow-catcher. It was pretty hard keeping us off the platform, +so we saw everything they did. The other end of that bar they held up so +it stuck out like a shaft, and then the engine moved about an inch, then +stopped, then moved about another inch, then stopped. Gee whiz, I was +glad I wasn't down there with those men. _Yum_, _yum_, I like +sandwiches, but I don't like being the middle part of one. Then all of a +sudden, _bunk_. + +The men climbed up on our car and in a minute, chu chu, along we went +ever so slow, the engine pushing us. + +When we were off the bridge, the train stopped and the men on the other +end of our car went away along the tracks, swinging their lanterns. Gee, +it's all right to say a bridge is strong, and I guess that one was, all +right, but me for the good solid earth. It feels good underneath you. + +Pretty soon the conductor and a lot of passengers came along to take a +look at us. What did _we_ care? Everybody said we were _wonders_ to +think about using the movie apparatus and they were laughing. I guess it +was at the word _pots_, hey? One man said we were prenominal,[B] or +something or other like that--I should worry. + +Pretty soon we noticed a little crowd of people outside the second car, +so we went up that way to see what was the matter. A couple of men were +just coming down off the platform and each of them was holding a man by +the collar. The men they were holding had on scout hats. I took one look +and _g--o--o--d_ night! Those two fellows were the automobile thieves. + +"_What--do--you--know--about--that?_" Connie whispered to me. + +"And the train people never knew they were up there until we told them," +Westy said. + +I guess the two men were detectives. Anyway, just as they stepped off, +they let go the one man and one of them said, "Now you two hoboes beat +it, and the next time either of you is caught riding on this road, +you'll do time for it There's the road----" + +_Jiminetty!_ I didn't wait for him to say any more. I just went right up +to that detective and I said, "Mister, those men are worse than tramps; +they're not tramps at all; they're thieves; they stole an automobile; +hurry up, you'd better catch him." + +Oh, boy, didn't he grab hold of that fellow again! The fellow must have +seen some of us, because he was just starting to run when, zippo, that +detective had him by the collar again. The other one hadn't been let go +even, so he was safe. + +By that time passengers from the train were crowding around and Pee-wee +was right in the center, shouting, same as he always does. +"They're--they're desperate--culprits----" he said; "we _foiled_ them +once before--we did----" + +All the passengers were laughing. Even the conductor and the detectives +were laughing. I was laughing so hard, I couldn't speak. + +He just shouted on, "You can say what you want about robbers and bandits +and--and all things like that being bad--in the movies--but anyway, I +don't care how many censors there are--you've got to admit that the +movies are all right--they can--what d'ye call it--they can reveal +identities, they can----" + +Then Westy spoke up. He said, "This is our little mascot; he's +harmless." Then he told all about how our car was stalled on the road +and how the thieves got away. Westy always has his wits about him when +he talks, that's one thing. + +One of the detectives said, "Can you boys positively identify this +pair?" + +"Haven't they got our hats?" I said. "Sure we can identify them." + +The two thieves looked at us as if to try to scare us, but what did _we_ +care? They made a big fuss and said they were only tramps, but it didn't +do them any good, and nobody believed them. Because all those people +could see we knew what we were talking about, especially Westy, because +he's always so sober, like. And besides, they knew that we were the ones +who had first discovered them on top of the car, and I guess they saw +that we had some sense, because on account of our flashing the signal in +that way. + +Anyway, you can bet those two fellows didn't get away. The men took them +into the baggage car and that was the last we saw of them, because after +the train started we had to stay in our own car, on account of the +engine being between us and the train. That was the only thing that kept +Pee-wee from giving a movie show. + +But the fireman came in to see us, because he knew how to climb all over +the engine. He told us that those fellows had handcuffs on, and he got +all our names and addresses, because he said we'd have to come back and +be witnesses. But we never did, because the fellows confessed. Gee whiz, +I would have liked to go back again. Maybe it wouldn't have been so much +fun though, hey? I guess maybe I wouldn't have liked to. It's no fun +seeing people sent to jail. But anyway, one sure thing, they had no +right to steal a Pierce-Arrow. Even they wouldn't have had any right to +steal a Ford. + +But anyway, who'd want to steal a Ford? + +FOOTNOTE: + +[Footnote B: Phenomenal is probably what the man said.] + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +OUR PATROL "SING" + + +So you have to admit that there were two thieves that really got caught +in the movies. Mr. Ellsworth says that movies with thieves and robbers +and pistols and things are no good. But if it hadn't been for that movie +outfit, good night, where would we have been, I'd like to know? And +where would those thieves have been? + +Anyway, pretty soon the excitement was all over, except that Pee-wee +kept things going. Nothing but an earthquake would stop _him_. It was +pretty bright in our car on account of the headlight from the engine. We +moved along so slowly that I guess I could walk just as fast. The +fireman paid us a good visit. He was an awful nice fellow. He could bend +his left thumb way back. He said he would be an engineer pretty soon. +Jiminy, I hope he's one by now. + +He told us that the engineer was going to push us as far as Flimdunk +Siding and leave us there and that another train would pick us up the +next day. He said both our couplings were rusted out and no good and one +of them would have to be fixed before we could be taken on. + +He said, "We can't push you far like this; 'tisn't safe and we have to +just crawl." + +"Flimdunk suits _us_ all right," I told him; "we're not particular. +Columbus didn't know where he was going anyway, and to-morrow's Columbus +Day. We should worry." + +He said he guessed Number 23 would pick us up. + +"_Good night!_" I told him, "that means more adventures. I suppose +that's the skiddo special. Probably we'll be dumped off a cliff. All in +the game." + +He laughed and said that probably we wouldn't have any more trouble, +because Number 23 made a quick run straight to Jersey City. + +"What does it want to go to Jersey City for?" Wig asked him. + +He said, "Well, it doesn't stay there long." + +"I don't blame it," Connie piped up. + +He told us that when we got to Jersey City a Northern local would pick +us up and drop us at Bridgeboro. + +"All right, just as you say," I told him. + +Anyway, we weren't going to worry about it. When we got home we'd get +home, that was all. And when we didn't, we wouldn't. + +After the fireman went away, we fixed two seats facing each other and +sprawled all over them. I guess we were getting pretty sleepy. + +"Shout to the engineer to turn off that headlight and we'll go to +sleep," Wig said. + +"Let's make some turnovers first," Pee-wee said. + +"All right, _you_ make them," I said. + +Then followed a big chunk of silence. + +All of a sudden Connie started singing: + + "We stood on the bridge at midnight." + +"Keep your feet off me," I said; "what do you think I am? A door-mat?" + +"Let's make up another verse," Wig said. + +"Let's put Flimdunk in it!" Pee-wee shouted. + +Pretty soon all of us were singing: + + "We stood on the bridge at midnight, + We stood on the bridge at midnight, + We stood on the bridge at midnight." + +Then somebody sang: + + "We came near getting a bunk, + We came near getting a bunk." + +Then we all sang: + + "We stood on the bridge at midnight, + We came near getting a bunk; + We came near getting a bunk; + We came----" + +"We flashed them POTS!" Pee-wee yelled. + +"Now we're on our way to Flimdunk," Westy said. + +So pretty soon this is what we were all singing: + + "We stood on the bridge at midnight, + We came near getting a bunk; + We flashed them POTS for an S--O--S, + Now we're on our way to Flimdunk." + +Gee whiz, I have to admit we're a crazy bunch in our patrol. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +FLIMDUNK SIDING + + +After a little while, Pee-wee fell asleep, but the rest of us stayed +awake, because we wanted to see what kind of a place we were going to +stop at. + +For about fifteen or twenty minutes the engine pushed us awfully slow, +then we stopped, and a couple of men went between our car and the engine +and did something to that long iron bar. We watched them from the +platform. Then one of the men went through our car to the other platform +and the other one stayed on the platform near the engine. Another man +started along the track with a lantern. + +"The plot grows thicker," I said; "what's going to happen now?" + +"Search me," Connie said; "look around and see if you see Flimdunk +anywhere--not inside the car, you crazy Indian." + +I was looking inside the car for it. + +"How could we tell it if we saw it?" Connie asked us. + +"Can't you tell a village when you see one? It'll look like a young +town," Westy said. + +"The fireman didn't say anything about a town anyway," I told them; "he +just said Flimdunk Siding." + +"Maybe that man is swinging the lantern so the town can get off the +track," Wig said; "anyhow, I bet something is going to happen." + +It was pitch dark all around, except that the headlight of the +locomotive made a long shaft like a searchlight 'way far ahead, and we +could see the man walking along the track in that shaft, swinging his +lantern. Our car was all bright, too. It seemed awful lonesome where he +was going, far ahead in the dark. The locomotive kept going _pfff, pfff, +pfff_, just like a horse stamping his foot, because he's in a hurry to +start. It seemed kind of as if it didn't want to wait. + +"Have we come to the siding?" I asked the man on the platform. + +"You'll have to take the switch," he said. + +"We wouldn't take anything that didn't belong to us," Connie said; +"you'll have to give it to us if you want us to take it." + +"I don't care so much about having one, anyway," I said. I guess that +man thought we were crazy. + +"We'll give you the run," he said. + +"I wouldn't blame you for doing that if we took the switch," Wig told +him. Gee, he had to laugh. + +Pretty soon the man who was far ahead began swinging his lantern around +in a circle. Then the engine gave a kind of a quick, shrill whistle, and +we started again. We went a little faster than before and then, all of a +sudden, we saw the engine standing quite a way off, and already the men +on our car were turning the hand brakes. Our car was rattling along all +by itself. In about half a minute, _kerlick, kerlick_, it went on a +switch and then the men began yanking on the brake handles for all they +were worth. + +But I knew that old car all right, and its brakes were pretty near as +bad as its couplings. + +"Oh, merrily, merrily on we roll," Connie began singing. + +"What's the matter with this plaguey old boat?" one of the men said, all +the while bracing his feet and pulling and pulling on the wheel. + +"It likes to go off on a hike by itself," I said; "you should worry. +When it stops, it stops." + +"Well, it better stop pretty soon," he said, "or else----Here, get hold +of this wheel, you kids, and pull." + +"Them brakes got about as much bite in 'em as a ki-oodle," the man said; +"how old is this old scow? 'Bout a hundred, I guess." + +"This old car is all right," I told him; "a scout must have respect for +age--page something-or-other-scout handbook. We may be old ourselves +some day. What do we care, yo ho?" + +He said, "Well, I hope the brakes on your tongue will work better than +they do now." + +"The pleasure is mine," I told him. + +Two of us were pulling away as hard as we could, helping one of the +trainmen, two were helping the man on the other platform, and Pee-wee +was sleeping peacefully inside with his head on the floor and one of his +legs sprawled up over the seat. + +As well as I could see, we were rolling merrily along a track that +branched away from the main track. I thought that, because I couldn't +see the full blaze of the engine's headlight any more, and I knew we +were verging away from the railroad. + +"Talk about prodigal sons," Westy said; "when this old car gets back +home, they ought to kill the fatted calf for it." + +"Good night," I told him; "if the fatted calf gets on the track, he'll +be killed all right." + +"Oh, boys, where do we go from here?" Wig began singing. + +But those trainmen didn't seem to think it was much of a joke. All of a +sudden, we went rattling through an opening in a fence and I saw a +couple of big white things near us. + +"They're tents," Westy said. + +By now the car was slowing down and pretty soon it stopped right in +front of a big dark thing--a kind of a building. If we'd have gone fifty +feet more, we'd have bunked our nose right into it. + +The trainman said, "That's the craziest old set of brakes I ever saw. +You'll have to be contented to stay right here, that's all; +twenty-three'll back in after you." + +"Contented is our favorite nickname," I told him; "is this Flimdunk, +with the fence around it? It's a good idea--the place can't run away. I +hope they'll like us." + +"Do you think we're intruding?" Westy said. + +I guess those trainmen set us down for a lot of idiots. Anyway, they +didn't have to tell us so, because we admit it. They said that the +brakes were worn off so much that they didn't press hard against the +wheels, only sort of gentle, like. They were nice polite brakes. + +One of the trainmen said he'd leave us a lantern so we could see to +talk; then they went back out through the fence and I could see their +lanterns making circles in the dark. Pretty soon we could hear the +engine puffing and all of a sudden, it gave a loud, shrill whistle. It +sounded as if the train was coming very slowly up toward the switch, but +in about a couple of minutes we could hear it rattling along, farther +and farther away, and going faster and faster. + +"So long, old flyer," Westy called. + +I said, "Listen! Listen to the sound it makes--_tk-ed, tk-ed, tk_----It +seems as if it's saying, 'twenty-three for yours,' doesn't it?" + +"Skiddo, flyer!" Connie shouted; "anyhow, you were foiled by the Boy +Scouts." + +That word _foiled_ reminded us of Pee-wee, so we went inside and looked +at him. I guess the stopping of the car had shaken him up some. His +head was way underneath the seat, one of his arms was halfway up on the +seat and one of his legs was on the movie outfit in the aisle. + +It was a sight for a painter. I mean a sign painter. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + +EXPLORING + + +"What do you say we explore the neighborhood?" Wig said. + +"What do you say we put a block in front of the wheels?" I said. "Safety +first." + +"This seems to be a kind of a walled city, like China," Connie said. "I +can see a kind of a shadow. Do you suppose that's the fence going all +the way around?" + +"Sure it is," I told him; "all we have to do is shut those big gates and +the car will never get away. Only China isn't a city, if anybody should +ask you." + +"What's the difference?" he said. "Nobody's likely to ask me." + +"This is a very mysterious place," Westy said; "I, for one, would like +to know where we're at." That's just the nice way he talks. It's caused +by his bringing up. + +I said, "Oh, dear me, _I for two_, would be delighted to ascertain." + +"Where do you think we are?" he said. + +"That's easy," I told them; "I know where we are." + +"Where are we?" Wig wanted to know. + +"We're here," I told him. + +"Yes, but what is this?" + +"It's a place, that's all I know," Connie piped up. + +"Come on, let's wake up the kid," Wig said; "and take a stroll around. +It looks to me like a ball field or something like that. Anyway, those +are tents over there." + +We didn't dare to start out without Pee-wee, so we shook him up and +dragged him up and down the aisle and played football with him, and at +last he let out a long groan and we knew we had him started. + +"Wh-a-a-t--where--am I?" he yawned. + +"We were just going to have a game of one o'cat with you," I told him; +"wake up, it's twenty years later; the peace treaty has just been +signed." + +"Who signed it?" he gasped. + +"I did," I said; "come on, get up." + +If you can once get him on his feet, he usually stays up. I said, +"We're in a land of mystery; we've got Alice in Wonderland tearing her +hair from jealousy. I think we're in somebody's back yard." + +"Where's the train?" he asked. + +"It went down the street to get a soda," I said. + +That opened his eyes all right. "Can you get sodas around here?" he +shouted. + +We got hold of a chunk of wood and blocked one of the car wheels and +then started out. We couldn't see very well in the dark, but we made out +that the high fence went all the way around a great big flat field. +There was a kind of a wide road around near the fence. The tracks ran +right up under that building that we had seen ahead of us, into a kind +of a tunnel. We saw it was an ice-house, and I guess ice was loaded onto +cars there. + +The two white things that we had seen were tents and there was a light +in one of them, but we didn't go in. There were little buildings around, +but they were closed up. There was a kind of a big platform with a +railing around it. In another place there was a long shed full of cows. +There were kind of things like mess boards all around, only some of them +were too high for mess boards. + +"I give it up," I said + +"It's a cross between a barn-yard and a picnic ground," Connie said. + +Westy said, "I think it's an aviation field." + +"Sure," I told him; "how stupid of me. And the cows are aviators." + +"What do you say we follow the fence around?" Westy said. + +"What do you say we don't?" I said. "Come on, let's go back and I'll +cook some fritters and then we'll get our suits off and have a good +sleep, and to-morrow we'll see what we see." + +We were all pretty sleepy, so we decided to do that. If we had taken a +little hike all the way around near the fence, the terrible thing that I +am going to tell you about now, would never have happened. You had +better get ready for it, because it's one of the most terrible things +that I ever told. When you hear about it, you'll turn cold and your hair +will stand up. Even now whenever I think about it, I just shake. That's +the word--_shake_. + +Yah, hah! You thought I was going to tell it in this chapter, didn't +you? + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + +OUR YOUNG HERO + + +Now it was so dark that we had some trouble finding our car, and before +we got to it, we passed a funny kind of a little shack with a high porch +in front. It didn't look exactly like a place to live in--gee, I +couldn't tell you exactly what it did look like. But anyway, it was all +closed up. As we passed it, we heard voices inside, but we were too +sleepy and hungry to pay any attention. + +All of a sudden our young hero paused and, _you_ know, stood riveted to +the spot where he stood. Anyway, if he wasn't riveted he was nailed +down. + +"_Listen! Hark!_" he said. + +"We're harking," I said; "what is it?" + +"Shh-h," he whispered and held his hand to his ear. + +"What's the matter; have you got an earache?" Connie asked him. + +"Break it to us gently," I said; "let us hear the worst." + +"Shhh, listen!" he said. "Somebody's being killed." + +"How tragic!" Wig said. + +"It isn't tragic at all," Pee-wee said; "listen----it's true." + +"Have it your own way," I told him. + +"In that little house," he whispered, all the while going back on +tiptoe; "hark--shh." + +We all followed him back, giggling, because we had been through things +like this before with our boy hero. Believe me, Dauntless Dan of the +Dauntless Dan Series has nothing on Scout Harris. In front of the little +shack we all stood stark still, listening. + +"Do you hear it?" Pee-wee whispered. "It's a bitter struggle." + +The first sound that _I_ noticed was a sound as if a chair was falling +over. Then I heard a man's voice say, "I'll choke you till you tell me. +Are you ready to speak?" Then another voice said, "Never!" + +Pee-wee said, "Shh, what did I tell you?" + +We were all pretty interested by that time. Pretty soon a kind of a +high, squeaky voice said, "Do you think I'm afraid of you--you +big----" Then it seemed as if the voice was just kind of choked off, +because there were stifled cries, sort of, and all the while a gruff +voice saying, "Are you ready to take that back? This is your last +chance--I'll teach you----" And all the while that other voice kept +crying and yelling, and it seemed just as if the person must be +struggling. + +"It's a child," Westy said, all excited. + +"He's strangling it to death," Pee-wee whispered, so scared and excited, +that his voice was hoarse. And just then we could hear a long kind of a +gurgle and a man's voice saying, "I'll teach you! I'll teach you!" And +then the two voices seemed to be mixed up together. + +"Wait here," Pee-wee said, and off he started, pell-mell for the tent +where there was a light inside. + +In ten seconds he was back with a couple of men, and shouting, "_In that +shack! In that shack! A man is murdering somebody in that shack! Hurry +up!_" + +By that time we were all pretty scared, I guess. The two men vaulted up +on to the platform and pushed the door open and we stood outside looking +up over the edge of the platform. All of a sudden Westy said, +"_What--do--you--know----_" + +That was all he could say. He just vaulted up himself with the rest of +us after him. And there we all stood in the doorway, only Pee-wee pushed +his way inside. + +_Jiminetty!_ I almost fell in a fit, I laughed so hard. "Save me," I +said to Westy, "before I fall off the platform." + +But Westy was laughing too hard to save anybody. + +Right there in front of us in a little room, there was a man in his +shirt sleeves sitting on the side of a kind of a sleeping bunk. Sitting +on one of his knees was one of those big funny-looking dolls with a +black face and a big, square mouth that works by a hinge. The doll was +straddling the man's knee and one of its legs was dangling down on +either side. + +"What's the big idea?" the man said. + +Both of the other men were laughing so hard, they couldn't speak, but +one of them pointed at Pee-wee. Our young hero just stood there, +panting, all out of breath, and gaping like an idiot. + +"I--I--eh--I didn't know you were a ven--a ven-----" he blurted out. "I +thought you were murdering somebody--I--I did." + +The man just looked at him and smiled; then he began to laugh. He said, +"I consider that a compliment, my young friend; you're welcome. Sam, +tell the young gentleman he is welcome." + +The big fancy doll said, "You're welcome." And, gee whiz, it sounded +just as if it came out of his own throat. Pee-wee just stood there +staring at Sam, and Sam sat there on the ventriloquist's lap, staring +very bold at Pee-wee. + +"Tell the young gentleman we were having a rehearsal," the man said; and +Sam said, "We were having a rehearsal." + +Pee-wee just stood there not saying a word, and gaping at Sam and at the +man. All of a sudden we heard a cat meowing right near. + +"Look out, you're stepping on the cat," the man said to Pee-wee. Pee-wee +moved his feet as if he were in a trance and looked down. + +But there wasn't any cat at all. + +Gee, that man was a wonder. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +THE TRAIN + + +That man's name was Pedro De Vail, and he was French, only he was born +in Hoboken. He was the greatest ventriloquist in the whole world. He +said so, and gee whiz, he ought to know. Westy said that when he said +anything, it counted for a whole lot, because he could say it in half a +dozen different voices. But, oh, boy, Pee-wee lost his voice entirely. +Anyway, Mr. Pedro said it didn't make any difference, because he had a +lot of voices to spare. I guess he kind of liked Pee-wee. + +As long as we were there we made him a call, and I guess he'd be pretty +good at stalking, because he could imitate all the animals and birds, +and he could make you think he was sawing wood. He said that the place +where we were was the Fair Grounds, and that the next day the Firemen's +Carnival was going to start there. He said it was going to last three +days. He said he always went to County Fairs and Carnivals and things +like that. He told us that Flimdunk was about a couple of miles away. + +We told him all about our adventures and about the Brewster's Centre +car. I said, "As long as we're here, I'm glad of it, because we can take +in the Carnival. I hope that train twenty-three doesn't come until late +to-morrow; I hope it doesn't come until to-morrow night. Better late +than sooner." + +He said, "Well, there are going to be big doings to-morrow--races, +balloon ascension, murders and everything like that. But I'm afraid you +boys are going to be disappointed. There's a train comes through here +about four or five in the morning, going east. I think that'll be the +one to pick you up." + +We went back to our car feeling pretty glum about it. Jiminies, you +couldn't blame us. What was the good of being left at a carnival in the +middle of the night and taken away again before daylight? That's one +thing I don't like about railroads; they do just as they please. They +push you and pull you around and take you away again before you want to +go. + +"Why can't they let us spend Columbus Day here?" Westy wanted to know. + +"When did the brakeman say it would come?" Connie asked. + +"Hanged if _I_ remember," I said; "but I knew how it would be when I +heard that the train would be Number Twenty-three. I'll never trust that +number." + +"And races and everything, too," Wig said. + +"Sure, and a balloon ascension," Connie began grouching. + +"Maybe he's mistaken," I said; "we've had pretty good fun, anyway." + +"You call it fun, starting away just when the fun is going to begin?" +Pee-wee piped up. + +I guess we didn't know what to think or what to expect. Anyway, I knew +that the train that had left us there would telegraph to some place or +other about us, that was all I knew. When another train stopped for us, +we'd just have to go. + +"Anyway, let's have something to eat and turn in," I said; "we'll just +have to trust to luck." + +One sure thing, we all felt pretty bad, because the next day was a +holiday and there'd be lots of fun at that Carnival. I made some rice +cakes and then we fixed the seats and turned in. + +I don't know how long I had been asleep, but what made me wake up was +the whistle of a locomotive. Westy woke up, too, and we both listened. + +"It's coming," he said. + +"The game is up," I told him. + +Pretty soon we were all awake, listening. The train was backing down +along the branch track and coming nearer and nearer to us. We could +hear the engine puffing, and the sound of wheels going _ker-lick_, +_ker-lick_, as the train backed in very slowly. Gee whiz, I was +feeling sore. + +"Come on out on the platform," Westy said. + +"This railroad makes me sick," Connie grouched. + +"Why couldn't they wait until to-morrow night?" Wig wanted to know. "I +thought we were going to have a good day's fun." + +Out on the platform all we saw was a man sitting on the railing in the +dark. + +"Where's the pesky old train, anyway?" I said. + +"Train?" the man said; "what train?" + +Then he just reached forward and ruffled up our young hero's hair. + +I was all flabbergasted. "Mr. _Pedro_!" I just blurted out. + +"I thought I'd pay you back, that's all," he said. + +Oh, boy, couldn't that man imitate a train! + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +THE PROFITEERS + + +When we went out in the morning the surprise was mutual. Gee, it was +_especially_ mutual. There was a crowd outside the car, staring up at +it. It must have looked funny standing there with BREWSTER'S CENTRE +sprawled all over it. There were all kinds of people in that crowd. One +of them was a woman who was a fortune teller. She had on a dress with +all spangles on it. Her name was Princess Mysteria. I wanted to ask her +when the train would come for us and if we'd have any more adventures, +but Westy wouldn't let me, because it cost twenty-five cents. He said +he'd rather spend the twenty-five cents for licorice jaw-breakers and +then we'd _know_ what was happening to us. Gee whiz, you don't need any +fortune teller after eating licorice jaw-breakers. + +All around in that place men were opening booths and putting up tents +and getting counters ready, so they could sell peanuts and lemonade and +ice-cream cones and canes and fancy glass jars and other things to eat +and drink--not canes and glass jars. There was a merry-go-round, too, +and it had an organ that played _We're on our way_. + +"Jiminies," Westy said; "I don't know where anyone would expect to get +to, riding on a merry-go-round." + +Pretty soon a man came up to us and asked us how we got there. I guess +he was one of the head men of the Carnival. + +I said, "Isn't this Flimdunk Siding? We're supposed to stay here until a +train picks us up." + +He said, "Yes, but this car has no business inside the fence; this is +the old ice-house freight siding. They should have left you standing out +near the main line." + +I said, "Yes, but this car has something to say about it, too, and it +wouldn't stop, so here we are. Don't blame us, blame the car. That's the +way it is with railroads, they don't care about anybody's rights." + +"That ain't the main entrance you came through," he said; "that gate was +open so stuff could be brought in on the freight cars." + +"It's all the same to us," I told him; "we're here, because we're here." + +He said, "Well, you'll have to pay your admission or be put out." + +Connie said, "How are you going to put this car out? If you once get it +started it may roll all the way back onto the main track and we'll die a +horrible death." + +"Yes, and then you'll be sorry," Pee-wee said. + +The man said, "Well, this car hasn't got any right on the grounds, +that's all." + +I said, "Mister, I don't know what we can do, unless we get a couple of +those elephants from the merry-go-round to drag it away." + +Pretty soon two other men came along and they all stood there talking +about what they had better do, and we sat on the steps of the platform, +listening to them. + +"You seem to be live wires, leastways," one of them said. + +"Sure," I told him; "we were struck by lightning when we were kids." + +Then they whispered together for about a minute and after that the man +who seemed to be a head man said, "Well, as long as the car's here, +we'll let it stay here and you youngsters can scamper about and enjoy +yourselves. 'Long as the car's standing idle, we'll use it for a +concession booth." + +They went away talking about it and we started asking each other what +they meant, because we were beginning to get a little scared, sort of. +We didn't want to give up our car. Pretty soon Mr. Pedro came along and +we told him all about it. + +He said he was on our side. This is just what he said; he said, "These +people are a crew of bandits. Do you know how much I'm paying for that +little shanty? Fifty dollars for the three days. Do you know how much +the Princess is handing over for the space where she has her little +tent? Seventy dollars, cold cash. She says if she'd known it would be +anything like that, she'd never have come." + +Westy said, "I should think she would have known it, on account of being +a fortune teller." + +"What they're going to do," he said, "is to turn this car over to that +Punch and Judy man and he'll run an indoor show and whack up with them +on a fifty per cent basis. Look at _me_? I have to give an outside show +and pass the hat. You're in a robbers' den here, boys; they're all +profiteers. You take a tip from me and stand on your rights." + +"Sure," I said, "and we'll stand on our car platform, too." + +He said, "These fellows know your couplings are in bad shape and will +have to be fixed before you're taken away. They know you'll be here all +day at the shortest. Why, they're getting twenty cents for a glass of +milk down yonder--it's awful. These people will corner the United States +currency before the day's over." + +Westy said, "But anyway, this car has no right here, we have to admit +that." + +Mr. Pedro said, "Well, that's a fine legal question and I don't know +what the Supreme Court would say about it. As you said, you're here, +because you're here. I think that's a pretty strong argument." + +"I invented it," Pee-wee shouted. + +Mr. Pedro said, "The car has no right here, but you have a right in the +car; you're part of the car, see? They can put the car off the grounds +(if they know how), but they can't put you out of the car. You can stay +in your car and do anything you please in your car, and nobody can stop +you. If they start the car they'll have to take the consequences." + +"That's what you call technology," Pee-wee shouted; "it's a +teckinality.[C] What do you say we give a movie show?" + +"Me for some breakfast," I said. + +We wrote a couple of notices on pages out of my field book and fixed +them on the doors of the car. They said: + + "This car is the property of the First Bridgeboro, N. J., Troop + B. S. A. + + "Trespassing forbidden." + +Mr. Pedro came over and told us that if anybody went in that car while +we were gone, he'd call up a lawyer in Flimdunk. + +As long as we didn't have much left to eat we went over to a shack and +got some coffee and doughnuts. _Good night!_ The coffee was twenty cents +a cup, and the doughnuts were ten cents each. Then we had a ride on the +merry-go-round, and after that we had some ice-cream cones. Those cones +were fifteen cents each and even the ice cream didn't go down into the +cone, like in Bennett's at home. + +Westy said, "The biggest part of those doughnuts were the holes in +them." + +"Sure," I told him; "the price of holes has gone up; it's simply +terrible the high price of emptiness." + +Wig said, "I was always crazy to see a robbers' cave and now I see one." + +We went out through the main entrance, because we wanted to go to +Flimdunk and send telegrams to our homes, so our mothers and fathers +wouldn't worry. + +"It's only a couple of miles," Westy said. + +"There's one funny thing about riding on a merry-go-round," Connie +started in; "no matter how long a ride you take, you never have to come +back." + +"That's because you're already back," I told him. + +He said, "Yes, but you _go_, don't you?" + +"Sure you do," Pee-wee said. + +"Then how do you get back without coming back?" Connie shot at him. + +"That's technology," I said. + +"You make me tired," Pee-wee screamed; "suppose all the time you're +going you're coming back, too? Let's see you answer that." + +"Oh, that's different," Wig said. + +"Just the same as when our young hero flies up in the air," I told them. + +"And foils a murderer," Connie said; "tell him he's a cute little boy +scout, Sam." + +"Do you know what I'd do if I had my way?" Pee-wee shouted. + +"How many guesses do we have?" I asked him. + +"I'd foil those profiteers, that's what I'd do," he said. "Fifteen cents +for a cone! I can get three cones for that." + +"And still you wouldn't be satisfied," Westy told him. + +"Well, if I had your way with me, I'd give it to you," I told him; "but +I left it home on the piano." + +"Did you hear what that doughnut-man was saying about overhead +expenses?" the kid shouted. "I looked up, but I didn't see any. There +wasn't even a roof." + +Laugh! I thought I'd fall in a fit. + +"You can bet I know an overhead expense when I see one," he said, all +the while trudging along the road, "and there wasn't any there." + +"Overhead expenses are inside," Westy said; "they're the expenses of +running a business. It might be the price of a carpet for the floor, +see?" + +"All you need is a pair of white duck trousers and your diploma with a +pink ribbon around it," I told him. "Who in the world taught you all +that? You must be studying accountancy." + +"A whatancy?" Connie asked. + +"That shows how crazy you are," Pee-wee yelled; "how can a carpet that +you walk on be overhead? Tell me that!" + +"That's easy," I told him; "isn't the roof underfoot? You stand on the +roof and it's underfoot. Your overhead expenses may be down in the +cellar. Just the same as a scout can do a good turn while he's walking +straight ahead. Deny it if you dare?" + +"You're crazy," Pee-wee fairly screamed. + +"I admit it," I told him. + +After we had walked a little way, Westy said, "Just the same, Pee-wee's +right, the same as he usually isn't. It would be a good stunt for us to +foil those profiteers." + +"Only we haven't got any tinfoil," I said. + +"Shut up, you're the worst of the lot!" Pee-wee yelled at me. "We've got +eighteen dollars left from the movie show, haven't we? I say let's buy +some flour and sugar and eggs and cinnamon and ink and glue and make +tenderflops and _foil_ the profiteers; that's what _I_ say!" + +I said, "If it wouldn't be too much trouble, I'd like to know how you're +going to use ink and glue making tenderflops. They'd be kind of sticky, +wouldn't they?" + +"Sure," Westy said, "and they'd be a kind of a blackish white, using +ink." + +"He means fountain-pen ink," Connie said, "that's more digestible, it's +thinner." + +"You're crazy!" the kid yelled. "Wouldn't we have to make signs and glue +them up? You can't print with cinnamon or flour, can you? I say let's +get all the stuff we need and have Roy make tenderflops and I'll stand +on top of the car and shout that they're all smoking hot, and for +everybody to be sure to get them for they're only the small sum of two +for a cent. I just happened to think of it," he said, "it's an +insulation." + +"You mean inspiration," Westy said. + +"You know what I mean," Pee-wee hollered. + +"Suppose you should flop off the top of the car?" I asked him, because +there's no telling what may happen when Pee-wee gets to shouting. + +"We'd charge extra for that," Connie said. + +FOOTNOTE: + +[Footnote C: Technicality is probably what was meant.] + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + +A FRIEND IN NEED + + +Now I'll tell you about tenderflops, because I'm the only one that goes +to Temple Camp who knows how to make them. I guess you know what a +tenderfoot is; it's a new scout. He's supposed to be tender, see? So a +tenderflop is a flip-flop that's named after a tenderfoot, because it's +supposed to be tender. There are no such things as tough scouts, so of +course, there can't be any such things as tough tenderflops. That's what +you call logic. + +Now the way that you make tenderflops is with flour and salt and water +and cinnamon. You can use eggs if you want to, but you don't have to. +Once I tried peanut butter in them, but they weren't much good. If you +put a little maple syrup in, that makes them sweet. Once I made some at +home when Charlie Danforth was there and I put wintergreen in, and my +sister Marjorie said that was the reason he never came any more. +Cinnamon is better; safety first. + +Now the way I usually do is, just when they're frying and beginning to +get kind of nice and toasted, sort of, I press my scout badge down on +them and that makes a kind of a trade mark on them. It says BE PREPARED. +That's our motto. It doesn't mean anything about the tenderflops. + + * * * * * + +In about an hour, back we came along the road with a big bag of flour +and a bag of salt and a couple of big jugs of maple syrup and some +cinnamon. We had on scout smiles, too. + +"Down with profiteering," Connie shouted. + +"Pee-wee forever!" I said. "Hurrah, for Hoover, Junior! Food will kill +the profiteers, don't taste it--I mean waste it." + +We had to pay admission fees to get in, but what did _we_ care? We knew +the government was on our side, because wasn't the government arresting +profiteers? + +Believe me, we had some triumphal march across the grounds to our car. I +had a bag of flour over my shoulder and my jacket was all white and my +face, too. I guess I looked like a clown. I should worry. The cinnamon +made the smallest bundle, but we had Westy carry it, because Pee-wee +likes cinnamon. Safety first. We had Pee-wee carry the glue, because if +he ate that, it would only stick his mouth shut. Believe _me_, we were +some parade. + +There were a lot of automobiles parked outside the grounds by that time, +and the place was filled with people. The animals on the merry-go-round +were running away as fast as they could, and girls were screaming for +fear they'd fall off--you know how they always do. There were men +shouting for people to come and see their shows for a dime, ten cents, +and there were shooting galleries and everything. Sandwiches were thirty +cents and the bread on them was stale, because Wig bought one. There was +a brass band playing, too. + +A lot of people were looking up at our car; I guess they were wondering +about it; and just as we were pushing through the crowd, a couple of the +head men came down off the platform and one of them said: + +"What are you going to do with all that stuff, you boys?" + +Westy said, "We're going to make cakes and sell them. We're going to do +it inside the car." + +We all just laid down our bundles and stood around, kind of scared and +disappointed. But anyway, the people who were standing around saw that +we were scouts, and most all of them were smiling at us. + +The man said, "Well, I guess you've got another guess. You just pack +that stuff in there, and go about your business if you don't want to get +into a heap of trouble. We'll look after this car." + +I guess Westy was kind of flabbergasted, so I spoke up and said, "We've +got a right inside of our own car. We've got a right to cook in there if +we want to. What harm does that do? Haven't we got a right to try to +reduce the cost of living? If you want to start this car going, go ahead +and do it, but I tell you beforehand that the brakes don't work. And you +can keep off of our car, too." + +The man said I was an impudent little some-thing-or-other, and he was +just starting to pick up the bag of flour when, good night, all of a +sudden a little man stepped out from the crowd. All I noticed about him +was that he had a cigar in his mouth and his hat was kind of on the +side. But, oh, boy, I heard his voice good and plain. + +He said, "Look here, _you_. What's all this trouble about? You mustn't +think you can browbeat these boys, because you _can't_. See? I'm telling +you the law and you can take it or leave it just as you like. If you've +got any kick, go to the railroad. If you're not satisfied to wait until +this car goes away, start it going. You stand between those two tracks +or on the platform of that car, and you're on the property of the United +States Railroad Administration. I'm a lawyer and I'm telling you that. +It's you that happens to be here, not these boys. Here's a crowd of +people being fleeced--eating sandwiches that aren't fit to throw to a +dog and drinking red lemonade that would die of shock if it saw a lemon. +Twenty cents for a cup of coffee that they ought to pay me a dollar for +drinking! Now you boys just climb aboard and let's see what you can do. +You've got the American people in back of you. I've heard about you +scouts; now let's see what you can do. Get aboard and get busy. You're +here, because you're here----" + +"That's just what we said," Pee-wee shouted. + +"All right," the man said; "climb up and I'll take care of the legal end +of it. I'm for the Boy Scouts to the last ditch. I once tried a case +just like this. Let 'em talk to the car. Climb up and see what you can. +I don't believe you know how to boil water!" + +He just sat down on the lowest step of the platform and stuck his hat on +the side of his head awfully funny, and lighted his cigar. Everybody +began laughing. The people were all on our side, that's one sure thing, +anyway. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII + +TENDERFLOPS AND OTHER FLOPS + + +"He's right," Pee-wee whispered to me; "that's a good argument. Because +if a thing is somewhere where it shouldn't be, if it isn't there on +purpose, why then if somebody gets into it that doesn't belong on that +place, but belongs in it, he's trespassing just as much, because anyway, +if he took it away it wouldn't be there. See?" + +"Absolutely, positively," I told him. "It's as clear as mud." + +"Reduce it to a common denominator," Westy said. That fellow is always +thinking about school. + +"We should bother our heads," I said. "Here we are; even the Supreme +Court couldn't deny that." + +"They don't have to deny it, we admit it," Connie said. + +"We'll stand on our rights!" Pee-wee shouted. "We'll stand on our +he----" + +[Illustration: PEE-WEE WAS SHOUTING ON THE ROOF OF THE CAR--"THEY'RE ALL +RED HOT!" + +_Roy Blakeley's Camp on Wheels._ _Page 207_] + +"Sure, we'll stand on our heads," Wig said. "Anything to please you." + +"Our hereditary rights!" the kid yelled. + +"All right, get up and stand on the top of the car," I told him, "and +shout. We'll do the rest." + +We made a paper hat for the kid and tied a towel around his waist for an +apron, because we wanted him to look like a chef. I gave him a saucepan +from Westy's kit and told him to wave it around while he was talking, +because I thought, kind of, it might make the people hungry. + +Pretty soon we could hear him marching back and forth on the roof of the +car, and shouting at the top of his lungs. Even before I got the stove +hot there was a big crowd standing all around outside, laughing. + +He kept shouting, "_Here they are! They're all smoking hot! The +celebrated Boy Scout tenderflops! Flopped by the only original Boy Scout +flopper! They're one cent each! Eat one and you'll never eat another--I +mean you'll never eat anything else! O-o-o-o-oh! They're all red hot! +The kind we eat around the camp-fire! Only one cent! None genuine unless +stamped BE PREPARED! The famous scout tenderflops! They melt in your +mouth! They MELT in your MOUTH!_" + +"Good night!" I said to the fellows; "listen to him." + +By that time I was frying them six at a clip, while Connie and Wig and +Westy were passing them around on pieces of board and scooping in the +money. All of a sudden I heard Pee-wee's voice; it seemed to be in the +stove. I opened the lid and heard him calling down the stovepipe, "Send +me some up here so I can be eating them; it'll make the people hungry." + +"That's a good idea," Wig said; "let's all be eating them, and let's +look kind of happy every time we take a bite. It pays to advertise." + +We passed a saucepan full of them up to Pee-wee and charged them up to +advertising. Westy said, "That's what you call overhead expense." + +Believe me, that kid was some overhead expense, all right. + +"You have to demonstrate," he shouted down. + +"You're a pretty good demonstrator," a man called up to him. + +I was laughing so hard I could hardly fry the cakes fast enough. There +was a big crowd outside, just scrambling for them, and we had Westy's +aluminum coffee-pot about half full of pennies. Up on the car, Pee-wee +was strutting up and down, waving the saucepan with one arm and holding +a cake in his other hand and shouting, "_O--oh, to taste one! Just to +TASTE one! Watch me eat one! Mm-mmm! They're one cent each! None genuine +unless stamped BE PREPARED!_ Send up some more, you fellows!" + +After a little while we stopped to rest, and we asked Mr. Pedro to come +in and have lunch with us. In the afternoon we went around the grounds +and had some rides on the merry-go-round and tried our luck throwing +baseballs at a negro man. I won a Japanese doll. We found out that the +price of sandwiches had gone down to ten cents. Waffles were selling two +for a cent and going begging--that's what a man told us. He said +crullers were off the market. The coffee-man wanted to buy tenderflops +wholesale from us, but we wouldn't sell him any. Believe me, we had all +the visitors at that place eating out of our hands--that's no joke +either; it's true. + +About four o'clock I mixed up all the stuff we had left. Already we had +eight dollars and we had only spent about four. So we had over four +dollars' profit. It would have been bigger, except for the overhead +expense. It costs a lot to advertise. + +On toward evening the crowd was even bigger. That was because everybody +was telling everybody else to see the Boy Scouts selling stamped cakes +from their private car. We were a what-do-you-call-it--an institution. + +All of a sudden came the grand climax. I was just laying the last +tenderflops on the boards and trying to scrape enough stuff out of the +pan to make just two or three more, when I saw a wagon stop right +alongside the car. Oh, please excuse me a minute while I laugh! + +Now we had seen that wagon most all afternoon, because a man was using +it to cart sawdust from the ice-house and sprinkle it on the race-track. +I suppose he did that on account of the races which were going to be at +five o'clock. + +Anyway, he got down from his wagon and came over to the platform and +said, "Let's try a couple of them floperetts I'm hearin' so much about." + +I said, "Is this your last load?" + +He said yes, it was, and that after he got it sprinkled on the track, he +was coming back for more floperetts--that was what he called them. + +That man ate a whole board full and I called up to Pee-wee, "There isn't +any more batter, so we're on the home stretch. Shout good and loud and +tell them it's their last chance." + +Just at that very minute I heard a locomotive whistle. + +"Good night," I said; "I bet it's twenty-three for us." + +"What's the difference?" Westy said; "there's no more batter, anyway, +and I'm tired out." + +"We have a coffee-pot full of money," I told him. + +After I had fried the last tenderflop, I went outside to take a good +rest. It was hot working over that stove. Up on the car, Pee-wee was +stamping back and forth, waving the pan and screaming for all he was +worth. + +"Look!" I said to the fellows; "just take one look at him. Get your +kodak, Westy." + +"_Only a few more left!_" Pee-wee was yelling. "_One cent while they +last! None genuine_----" and so on, and so on. + +By that time I could see a freight train backing in toward us. It was +coming very slow and a couple of men from it were running ahead to open +the gates. It just crept along--hardly moved. There were men on top and +one turning the brake handle. + +One of them called out, "Watch your step there, you kid!" + +"_They're all smoking hot!_" Pee-wee yelled, and never paid any +attention to him. + +"Brace your feet, Sonny," the man shouted. + +Pee-wee didn't pay any attention, just kept marching up and down, waving +the pan and yelling, "_There are no more tenderflops to be flopped! Your +last chance! Get a flop_----" + +And then, good morning sister Jane, there was just a little bunk and +there was Pee-wee swinging the saucepan and trying to balance himself on +one leg. + +"_Get--get a flop----_" he was shouting. + +And then, all of a sudden, around he went, and off the roof, _kerflop_ +into the load of sawdust. + +It was the end of a perfect day. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII + +ALL ABOARD + + +The sawdust was all wet on account of there being ice in that ice-house, +and it stuck all over our young hero's clothes and face, so he looked as +if he were covered with very coarse sandpaper. + +We hauled him out and stood him up, saucepan and all. Even he had a +tenderflop with a big bite out of it in one hand, and it was all covered +with wet sawdust like some new kind of frosting. The crowd went crazy. I +thought one of those trainmen would have a fit, he laughed so hard. + +I said, "Never mind, Kid, you died for a good cause; only don't open +your mouth, or you'll swallow about a quart of sawdust." + +Oh, boy, it makes me laugh whenever I think of it. Westy had a headache +from laughing. His mother said it was from eating tenderflops, but _I_ +was the one that heard him laugh. + +Anyway, that was the end of our adventures. + +We cleaned our young hero up and brushed him off, but every time he +spoke that night, he said he tasted sawdust. + +The train people fixed our coupling and in about an hour we were rolling +merrily out through the gates on the end of that long freight train. I +guess it couldn't have been Number Twenty-three, because nothing +happened. Anyway, I bet the profiteers were glad to get rid of us. +Pee-wee said we "dealt them a mortal blow." Westy said we "felled them +to the ground with a frying pan." + +Anyway, we had twenty-seven dollars, counting what we made out of the +movie show, and not counting the fifty that Mr. Temple had sent us. That +wasn't so bad when you remember that we had only forty-two cents when we +started. + +Sometime that night we were left in the freight yards at Jersey City, +but we were all too sleepy to notice anything. Anyway, what's the use of +being awake when you're in Jersey City. Early in the morning, a Northern +local picked us up, and pretty soon we were rattling along the shore of +our own river. You can bet it looked good to us. At about half-past +seven, we were left on the sidetrack near the Bridgeboro Station. + +"All the commuters will be coming down for the seven fifty-two," Wig +said "Let's get up on the roof and give them a Scout Sing." + +It looked good, after that crazy trip, to see all the things that we +knew so well. There was Bennett's candy store, and there was the Royal +Movie Theatre just around the corner. Pretty soon people began +straggling along for the seven fifty-two, and a lot of them stood about, +gaping at our car with its sign. + +Buffalo 398 Mls.--BREWSTER'S CENTER--N. Y. 30 Mls. + +So we all got up on the roof and sat there in a row, singing. People +down below waved to us and Connie's father shouted hello to us, but we +got to singing so loud, we couldn't hear all the things that people +said. Everybody down there knew us, and we knew they knew we were crazy, +so we didn't care. + +"_All together!_" Wig said. + +"_Go!_" Connie shouted. + + "We started out to wander, + We never meant to roam; + We went, because we went, + And now we're home, we're home. + We're going to go to school, oh, joy! + But we're not in a hurry; + We've got twenty-seven dollars and a railroad car; + WE SHOULD WORRY!" + + * * * * * + + THE END + + * * * * * + +Transcriber's note + + +The following changes have been made to the text: + +Page 156: "Just as we go our feet" changed to "Just as we got our feet". + +Page 206: "him. "it's as clear" changed to "him. "It's as clear". + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Roy Blakeley's Camp on Wheels, by +Percy Keese Fitzhugh + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROY BLAKELEY'S CAMP ON WHEELS *** + +***** This file should be named 27272.txt or 27272.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/2/7/27272/ + +Produced by David Garcia, Carla Foust and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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