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diff --git a/old/teacp10.txt b/old/teacp10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8e9e6f9 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/teacp10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9513 @@ +Project Gutenberg Etext of Over the Teacups, by Oliver W. Holmes +#4 in our series by Oliver W. Holmes + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. 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Holmes + + + + +PREFACE. + +The kind way in which this series of papers has been received has +been a pleasure greater than I dared to anticipate. I felt that I +was a late comer in the midst of a crowd of ardent and eager +candidates for public attention, that I had already had my day, and +that if, like the unfortunate Frenchman we used read about, I had +"come again," I ought not to surprised if I received the welcome of +"Monsieur Tonson." + +It has not proved so. My old readers have come forward in the +pleasantest possible way and assured me that they were glad to see me +again. There is no need, therefore, of apologies or explanations. I +thought I had something left to say and I have found listeners. In +writing these papers I have had occupation and kept myself in +relation with my fellow-beings. New sympathies, new sources of +encouragement, if not of inspiration, have opened themselves before +me and cheated the least promising season of life of much that seemed +to render it dreary and depressing. What particularly pleased me has +been the freedom of criticisms which I have seen from disadvantageous +comparisons of my later with my earlier writings. + +I should like a little rest from literary work before the requiescat +ensures my repose from earthly labors, but I will not be rash enough +to promise that I will not even once again greet my old and new +readers if the impulse becomes irresistible to renew a companionship +which has been to me such a source of happiness. + +BEVERLY FARM, Mass., August, 1891. + +O. W. H. + + + + + + +OVER THE TEACUPS. + +I + +INTRODUCTION. + +This series of papers was begun in March, 1888. A single number was +printed, when it was interrupted the course of events, and not +resumed until nearly years later, in January, 1890. The plan of the +series was not formed in my mind when I wrote the number. In +returning to my task I found that my original plan had shaped itself +in the underground laboratory of my thought so that some changes had +to be made in what I had written. As I proceeded, the slight story +which formed a part of my programme eloped itself without any need of +much contrivance on my, part. Given certain characters in a writer's +conception, if they are real to him, as they ought to be they will +act in such or such a way, according to the law of their nature. It +was pretty safe to assume that intimate relations would spring up +between some members of our mixed company; and it was not rash +conjecture that some of these intimacies might end in such attachment +as would furnish us hints, at least, of a love-story. + +As to the course of the conversations which would take place, very +little could be guessed beforehand. Various subjects of interest +would be likely to present themselves, without definite order, +oftentimes abruptly and, as it would seem, capriciously. +Conversation in such a mixed company as that of "The Teacups" is +likely to be suggestive rather than exhaustive. Continuous discourse +is better adapted to the lecture-room than to the tea-table. There +is quite enough of it, I fear too much,--in these pages. But the +reader must take the reports of our talks as they were jotted down. +A patchwork quilt is not like a piece of Gobelin tapestry; but it has +its place and its use. + +Some will feel a temptation to compare these conversations with those +earlier ones, and remark unamiably upon their difference. This is +hardly fair, and is certainly not wise. They are produced under very +different conditions, and betray that fact in every line. It is +better to take them by themselves; and, if my reader finds anything +to please or profit from, I shall be contented, and he, I feel sure, +will not be ungrateful. + + +The readers who take up this volume may recollect a series of +conversations held many years ago over the breakfast-table, and +reported for their more or less profitable entertainment. Those were +not very early breakfasts at which the talks took place, but at any +rate the sun was rising, and the guests had not as yet tired +themselves with the labors of the day. The morning cup of coffee has +an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the +afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce. The +toils of the forenoon, the heats of midday, in the warm season, the +slanting light of the descending sun, or the sobered translucency of +twilight have subdued the vivacity of the early day. Yet under the +influence of the benign stimulant many trains of thought which will +bear recalling, may suggest themselves to some of our quiet circle +and prove not uninteresting to a certain number of readers. + +How early many of my old breakfast companions went off to bed! I am +thinking not merely of those who sat round our table, but of that +larger company of friends who listened to our conversations as +reported. Dear girl with the silken ringlets, dear boy with the +down-shadowed cheek, your grandfather, your grandmother, turned over +the freshly printed leaves that told the story of those earlier +meetings around the plain board where so many things were said and +sung, not all of which have quite faded from memory of this +overburdened and forgetful time. Your father, your mother, found the +scattered leaves gathered in a volume, and smiled upon them as not +uncompanionable acquaintances. My tea-table makes no promises. +There is no programme of exercises to studied beforehand. What if I +should content myself with a single report of what was said and done +over our teacups? Perhaps my young reader would be glad to let me +off, for there are talkers enough who have not yet left their +breakfast-tables; and nobody can blame the young people for +preferring the thoughts and the language of their own generation, +with all its future before it, to those of their grandfathers +contemporaries. + +My reader, young or old, will please to observe that I have left +myself entire freedom as to the sources of what may be said over the +teacups. I have not told how many cups are commonly on the board, +but by using the plural I have implied that there is at least one +other talker or listener beside myself, and for all that appears +there may be a dozen. There will be no regulation length to my +reports, - no attempt to make out a certain number of pages. I have +no contract to fill so many columns, no pledge to contribute so many +numbers. I can stop on this first page if I do not care to say +anything more, and let this article stand by itself if so minded. +What a sense of freedom it gives not to write by the yard or the +column! + +When one writes for an English review or magazine at so many guineas +a sheet, the temptation is very great to make one's contribution +cover as many sheets as possible. We all know the metallic taste of +articles written under this powerful stimulus. If Bacon's Essays had +been furnished by a modern hand to the "Quarterly Review" at fifty +guineas a sheet, what a great book it would have taken to hold them! + +The first thing which suggests itself to me, as I contemplate my +slight project, is the liability of repeating in the evening what I +may have said in the morning in one form or another, and printed in +these or other pages. When it suddenly flashes into the +consciousness of a writer who had been long before the public, "Why, +I have said all that once or oftener in my books or essays, and here +it is again; the same old thought, the same old image, the same old +story!" it irritates him, and is likely to stir up the monosyllables +of his unsanctified vocabulary. He sees in imagination a thousand +readers, smiling or yawning as they say to themselves, "We have had +all that before," and turn to another writer's performance for +something not quite so stale and superfluous. This is what the +writer says to himself about the reader. + +The idiot! Does the simpleton really think that everybody has read +all he has written? Does he really believe that everybody remembers +all of his, writer's, words he may happen to have read? At one of +those famous dinners of the Phi Beta Kappa Society; where no reporter +was ever admitted, and which nothing ever leaks out about what is +said and done, Mr. Edward Everett, in his after-dinner speech, quoted +these lines from the AEneid, giving a liberal English version of +them, which he applied to the Oration just delivered by Mr. Emerson: + + Tres imbris torti radios, tres nubis aquosae + Addiderant, rutili tres ignis, et alitis Austri. + +His nephew, the ingenious, inventive, and inexhaustible. Edward +Everett Hale, tells the story of this quotation, and of the various +uses to which it might plied in after-dinner speeches. How often he +ventured to repeat it at the Phi Beta Kappa dinners I am not sure; +but as he reproduced it with his lively embellishments and fresh +versions and artful circumlocutions, not one person in ten remembered +that he had listened to those same words in those same accents only a +twelvemonth ago. The poor deluded creatures who take it for granted +that all the world remembers what they have said, and laugh at them +when they say it over again, may profit by this recollection. But +what if one does say the same things,--of course in a little +different form each time,--over her? If he has anything to say worth +saying, that is just what be ought to do. Whether he ought to or +not, it is very certain that this is what all who write much or speak +much necessarily must and will do. Think of the clergyman who +preaches fifty or a hundred or more sermons every year for fifty +years! Think of the stump speaker who shouts before a hundred +audiences during the same political campaign, always using the same +arguments, illustrations, and catchwords! Think of the editor, as +Carlyle has pictured him, threshing the same straw every morning, +until we know what is coming when we see the first line, as we do +when we read the large capitals at the head of a thrilling story, +which ends in an advertisement of an all-cleansing soap or an all- +curing remedy! + +The latch-key which opens into the inner chambers of my consciousness +fits, as I have sufficient reason to believe, the private apartments +of a good many other people's thoughts. The longer we live, the more +we find we are like other persons. When I meet with any facts in my +own mental experience, I feel almost sure that I shall find them +repeated or anticipated in the writings or the conversation of +others. This feeling gives one a freedom in telling his own personal +history he could not have enjoyed without it. My story belongs to +you as much as to me. De te fabula narratur. Change the personal +pronoun,--that is all. It gives many readers a singular pleasure to +find a writer telling them something they have long known or felt, +but which they have never before found any one to put in words for +them. An author does not always know when he is doing the service of +the angel who stirred the waters of the pool of Bethesda. Many a +reader is delighted to find his solitary thought has a companion, and +is grateful to the benefactor who has strengthened him. This is the +advantage of the humble reader over the ambitious and self- +worshipping writer. It is not with him pereant illi, but beati sunt +illi qui pro nobis nostra dixerunt, -Blessed are those who have said +our good things for us. + +What I have been saying of repetitions leads me into a train of +reflections like which I think many readers will find something in +their own mental history. The area of consciousness is covered by +layers of habitual thoughts, as a sea-beach is covered with wave- +worn, rounded pebbles, shaped, smoothed, and polished by long +attrition against each other. These thoughts remain very much the +same from day to day, from week to week; and as we grow older, from +month to month, and from year to year. The tides of wakening +consciousness roll in upon them daily as we unclose our eyelids, and +keep up the gentle movement and murmur of ordinary mental respiration +until we close them again in slumber. When we think we are thinking, +we are for the most part only listening to sound of attrition between +these inert elements of intelligence. They shift their places a +little, they change their relations to each other, they roll over and +turn up new surfaces. Now and then a new fragment is cast in among +them, to be worn and rounded and takes its place with the others, but +the pebbled floor of consciousness is almost as stationary as the +pavement of a city thoroughfare. + +It so happens that at this particular tine I have something to tell +which I am quite sure is not one of rolled pebbles which my reader +has seen before in any of my pages, or, as I feel confident, in those +of any other writer. + +If my reader asks why I do not send the statement I am going to make +to some one of the special periodicals that deal with such subjects, +my answer is, that I like to tell my own stories at my own time, in +own chosen columns, where they will be read by a class of readers +with whom I like to talk. + +All men of letters or of science, all writers well known to the +public, are constantly tampered with, in these days, by a class of +predaceous and hungry fellow-laborers who may be collectively spoken +of as the brain-tappers. They want an author's ideas on the subjects +which interest them, the inquirers, from the gravest religious and +moral questions to the most trivial matters of his habits and his +whims and fancies. Some of their questions he cannot answer; some he +does not choose to answer; some he is not yet ready to answer, and +when he is ready he prefers to select his own organ of publication. +I do not find fault with all the brain-tappers. Some of them are +doing excellent service by accumulating facts which could not +otherwise be attained. Rut one gets tired of the strings of +questions sent him, to which he is expected to return an answer, +plucked, ripe or unripe, from his private tree of knowledge. The +braintappers are like the owner of the goose that laid the golden +eggs. They would have the embryos and germs of one's thoughts out of +the mental oviducts, and cannot wait for their spontaneous evolution +and extrusion. + +The story I have promised is, on the whole, the most remarkable of a +series which I may have told in part at some previous date, but +which, if I have not told, may be worth recalling at a future time. + +Some few of my readers may remember that in a former paper I +suggested the possibility of the existence of an idiotic area in the +human mind, corresponding to the blind spot in the human retina. I +trust that I shall not be thought to have let my wits go wandering in +that region of my own intellectual domain, when I relate a singular +coincidence which very lately occurred in my experience, and add a +few remarks made by one of our company on the delicate and difficult +but fascinating subject which it forces upon our attention. I will +first copy the memorandum made at the time: + +"Remarkable coincidence. On Monday, April 18th, being at table from +6.30 P. M. to 7.30, with ________and ________ the two ladies of my +household, I told them of the case of 'trial by battel' offered by +Abraham Thornton in 1817. I mentioned his throwing down his glove, +which was not taken up by the brother of his victim, and so he had to +be let off, for the old law was still in force. I mentioned that +Abraham Thornton was said to have come to this country, 'and [I added +he may be living near us, for aught that I know.' I rose from the +table, and found an English letter waiting for me, left while I sat +at dinner. d copy the first portion of this letter: + + +'20 ALFRED PLACE, West (near Museum) +South Kensington, LONDON, S. W. +April 7, 1887. + +DR. O. W . HOLMES: + +DEAR SIR,--In travelling, the other day, I met with a reprint of the +very interesting case of Thornton for murder, 1817. The prisoner +pleaded successfully the old Wager of Battel. I thought you would +like to read the account, and send it with this.... + +Yours faithfully, + +FRED. RATHBONE.'" + +Mr. Rathbone is a well-known dealer in old Wedgwood and eighteenth- +century art. As a friend of my hospitable entertainer, Mr. Willett, +he had shown me many attentions in England, but I was not expecting +any communication from him; and when, fresh from my conversation, I +found this letter just arrived by mail, and left while I was at +table, and on breaking the seal read what I had a few moments before +been; telling, I was greatly surprised, and immediately made a note +of the occurrence, as given above. + +I had long been familiar with all the details of this celebrated +case,, but had not referred to it, so far as I can remember, for +months or years. I know of no train of thought which led me to speak +of it on that particular day. I had never alluded to it before in +that company, nor had I ever spoken of it with Mr. Rathbone. + +I told this story over our teacups. Among the company at the table +is a young English girl. She seemed to be amused by the story. +"Fancy!" she said,--"how very very odd!" "It was a striking and +curious coincidence," said the professor who was with us at the +table. "As remarkable as two teaspoons in one saucer," was the +comment of a college youth who happened to be one of the company. +But the member of our circle whom the reader will hereafter know as +Number Seven, began stirring his tea in a nervous sort of way, and I +knew that he was getting ready to say something about the case. An +ingenious man he is, with a brain like a tinder-box, its contents +catching at any spark that is flying about. I always like to hear +what he says when his tinder brain has a spark fall into it. It does +not follow that because he is often wrong he may not sometimes be +right, for he is no fool. He treated my narrative very seriously. + +The reader need not be startled at the new terms he introduces. +Indeed, I am not quite sure that some thinking people will not adopt +his view of the matter, which seems to have a degree of plausibility +as he states and illustrates it. + +"The impulse which led you to tell that story passed directly from +the letter, which came charged from the cells of the cerebral battery +of your correspondent. The distance at which the action took place +[the letter was left on a shelf twenty-four feet from the place where +I was sitting] shows this charge to have been of notable intensity. + +"Brain action through space without material symbolism, such as +speech, expression, etc., is analogous to electrical induction. +Charge the prime conductor of an electrical machine, and a gold-leaf +electrometer, far off from it, will at once be disturbed. +Electricity, as we all know, can be stored and transported as if it +were a measurable fluid. + +"Your incident is a typical example of cerebral induction from a +source containing stored cerebricity. I use this word, not to be +found in my dictionaries, as expressing the brain-cell power +corresponding to electricity. Think how long it was before we had +attained any real conception of the laws that govern the wonderful +agent, which now works in harness with the other trained and subdued +forces! It is natural that cerebricity should be the last of the +unweighable agencies to be understood. The human eye had seen heaven +and earth and all that in them is before it saw itself as our +instruments enable us to see it. This fact of yours, which seems so +strange to you, belongs to a great series of similar facts familiarly +known now to many persons, and before long to be recognized as +generally as those relating to the electric telegraph and the slaving +`dynamo.' + +"What! you cannot conceive of a charge of cerebricity fastening +itself on a letter-sheet and clinging to it for weeks, while it was +shuffling about in mail-bags, rolling over the ocean, and shaken up +in railroad cars? And yet the odor of a grain of musk will hang +round a note or a dress for a lifetime. Do you not remember what +Professor Silliman says, in that pleasant journal of his, about the +little ebony cabinet which Mary, Queen of Scots, brought with her +from France,--how 'its drawers still exhale the sweetest perfumes'? +If they could hold their sweetness for more than two hundred years, +why should not a written page retain for a week or a month the +equally mysterious effluence poured over it from the thinking marrow, +and diffuse its vibrations to another excitable nervous centre?" + +I have said that although our imaginative friend is given to wild +speculations, he is not always necessarily wrong. We know too little +about the laws of brain-force to be dogmatic with reference to it. I +am, myself, therefore, fully in sympathy with the psychological +investigators. When it comes to the various pretended sciences by +which men and women make large profits, attempts at investigation are +very apt to be used as lucrative advertisements for the charlatans. +But a series of investigations of the significance of certain popular +beliefs and superstitions, a careful study of the relations of +certain facts to each other,--whether that of cause and effect, or +merely of coincidence,--is a task not unworthy of sober-minded and +well-trained students of nature. Such a series of investigations has +been recently instituted, and was reported at a late meeting held in +the rooms of the Boston Natural History Society. The results were, +mostly negative, and in one sense a disappointment. A single case, +related by Professor Royce, attracted a good deal of attention. It +was reported in the next morning's newspapers, and will be given at +full length, doubtless, in the next number of the Psychological +Journal. The leading facts were, briefly, these: A lady in Hamburg, +Germany, wrote, on the 22d of June last, that she had what she +supposed to be nightmare on the night of the 17th, five days before. +"It seemed," she wrote, "to belong to you; to be a horrid pain in +your head, as if it were being forcibly jammed into an iron casque, +or some such pleasant instrument of torture." It proved that on that +same 17th of June her sister was undergoing a painful operation at +the hands of a dentist. "No single case," adds Professor Royce, +"proves, or even makes probable, the existence of telepathic +toothaches; but if there are any more cases of this sort, we want to +hear of them, and that all the more because no folk-lore and no +supernatural horrors have as yet mingled with the natural and well- +known impressions that people associate with the dentist's chair." + +The case I have given is, I am confident, absolutely free from every +source of error. I do not remember that Mr. Rathbone had +communicated with me since he sent me a plentiful supply of mistletoe +a year ago last Christmas. The account I received from him was cut +out of "The Sporting Times" of March 5, 1887. My own knowledge of +the case came from "Kirby's Wonderful Museum," a work presented to me +at least thirty years ago. I had not looked at the account, spoken +of it, nor thought of it for a long time, when it came to me by a +kind of spontaneous generation, as it seemed, having no connection +with any previous train of thought that I was aware of. I consider +the evidence of entire independence, apart from possible "telepathic" +causation, completely water-proof, airtight, incombustible, and +unassailable. + +I referred, when first reporting this curious case of coincidence, +with suggestive circumstances, to two others, one of which I said was +the most picturesque and the other the most unlikely, as it would +seem, to happen. This is the first of those two cases:-- + +Grenville Tudor Phillips was a younger brother of George Phillips, my +college classmate, and of Wendell Phillips, the great orator. He +lived in Europe a large part of his life, but at last returned, and, +in the year 1863, died at the house of his brother George. I read +his death in the paper; but, having seen and heard very little of him +during his life, should not have been much impressed by the fact, but +for the following occurrence: between the time of Grenville +Phillips's death and his burial, I was looking in upon my brother, +then living in the house in which we were both born. Some books +which had been my father's were stored in shelves in the room I used +to occupy when at Cambridge. Passing my eye over them, an old dark +quarto attracted my attention. It must be a Bible, I said to myself, +perhaps a rare one,--the "Breeches" Bible or some other interesting +specimen. I took it from the shelves, and, as I did so, an old slip +of paper fell out and fluttered to the floor. On lifting it I read +these words: + +The name is Grenville Tudor. + +What was the meaning of this slip of paper coming to light at this +time, after reposing undisturbed so long? There was only one way of +explaining its presence in my father's old Bible;--a copy of the +Scriptures which I did not remember ever having handled or looked +into before. In christening a child the minister is liable to forget +the name, just at the moment when he ought to remember it. My father +preached occasionally at the Brattle Street Church. I take this for +granted, for I remember going with him on one occasion when he did +so. Nothing was more likely than that he should be asked to +officiate at the baptism of the younger son of his wife's first +cousin, Judge Phillips. This slip was handed him to remind him of +the name: He brought it home, put it in that old Bible, and there it +lay quietly for nearly half a century, when, as if it had just heard +of Mr. Phillips's decease, it flew from its hiding-place and startled +the eyes of those who had just read his name in the daily column of +deaths. It would be hard to find anything more than a mere +coincidence here; but it seems curious enough to be worth telling. + +The second of these two last stories must be told in prosaic detail +to show its whole value as a coincidence. + +One evening while I was living in Charles Street, I received a call +from Dr. S., a well-known and highly respected Boston physician, a +particular friend of the late Alexander H. Stephens, vice-president +of the Southern Confederacy. It was with reference to a work which +Mr. Stephens was about to publish that Dr. S. called upon me. After +talking that matter over we got conversing on other subjects, among +the rest a family relationship existing between us,--not a very near +one, but one which I think I had seen mentioned in genealogical +accounts. Mary S. (the last name being the same as that of my +visitant), it appeared, was the great-great-grandmother of Mrs. H. +and myself. After cordially recognizing our forgotten relationship, +now for the first time called to mind, we parted, my guest leaving me +for his own home. We had been sitting in my library on the lower +floor. On going up-stairs where Mrs. H. was sitting alone, just as I +entered the room she pushed a paper across the table towards me, +saying that perhaps it might interest me. It was one of a number of +old family papers which she had brought from the house of her mother, +recently deceased. + +I opened the paper, which was an old-looking document, and found that +it was a copy, perhaps made in this century, of the will of that same +Mary S. about whom we had been talking down-stairs. + +If there is such a thing as a purely accidental coincidence this must +be considered an instance of it. + +All one can say about it is that it seems very unlikely that such a +coincidence should occur, but it did. + +I have not tried to keep my own personality out of these stories. +But after all, how little difference it makes whether or not a writer +appears with a mask on which everybody can take off,--whether he +bolts his door or not, when everybody can look in at his windows, and +all his entrances are at the mercy of the critic's skeleton key and +the jimmy of any ill-disposed assailant! + +The company have been silent listeners for the most part; but the +reader will have a chance to become better acquainted with some cf +them by and by. + + + + +II + +TO THE READER. + +I know that it is a hazardous experiment to address myself again to a +public which in days long past has given me a generous welcome. But +my readers have been, and are, a very faithful constituency. I think +there are many among them who would rather listen to an old voice +they are used to than to a new one of better quality, even if the +"childish treble" should betray itself now and then in the tones of +the overtired organ. But there must be others,--I am afraid many +others,--who will exclaim: "He has had his day, and why can't he be +content? We don't want literary revenants, superfluous veterans, +writers who have worn out their welcome and still insist on being +attended to. Give us something fresh, something that belongs to our +day and generation. Your morning draught was well enough, but we +don't care for your evening slip-slop. You are not in relation with +us, with our time, our ideas, our aims, our aspirations." + +Alas, alas! my friend,--my young friend, for your hair is not yet +whitened,--I am afraid you are too nearly right. No doubt,--no +doubt. Teacups are not coffee-cups. They do not hold so much. +Their pallid infusion is but a feeble stimulant compared with the +black decoction served at the morning board. And so, perhaps, if +wisdom like yours were compatible with years like mine, I should drop +my pen and make no further attempts upon your patience. + +But suppose that a writer who has reached and passed the natural +limit of serviceable years feels that he has some things which be +would like to say, and which may have an interest for a limited class +of readers,--is he not right in trying his powers and calmly taking +the risk of failure? Does it not seem rather lazy and cowardly, +because he cannot "beat his record," or even come up to the level of +what he has done in his prime, to shrink from exerting his talent, +such as it is, now that he has outlived the period of his greatest +vigor? A singer who is no longer equal to the trials of opera on the +stage may yet please at a chamber concert or in the drawing-room. +There is one gratification an old author can afford a certain class +of critics: that, namely, of comparing him as he is with what he was. +It is a pleasure to mediocrity to have its superiors brought within +range, so to speak; and if the ablest of them will only live long +enough, and keep on writing, there is no pop-gun that cannot reach +him. But I fear that this is an unamiable reflection, and I am at +this time in a very amiable mood. + +I confess that there is something agreeable to me in renewing my +relations with the reading public. Were it but a single appearance, +it would give me a pleasant glimpse of the time when I was known as a +frequent literary visitor. Many of my readers--if I can lure any +from the pages of younger writers will prove to be the children, or +the grandchildren, of those whose acquaintance I made something more +than a whole generation ago. I could depend on a kind welcome from +my contemporaries,--my coevals. But where are those contemporaries? +Ay de mi! as Carlyle used to exclaim,--Ah, dear me! as our old women +say,--I look round for them, and see only their vacant places. The +old vine cannot unwind its tendrils. The branch falls with the decay +of its support, and must cling to the new growths around it, if it +would not lie helpless in the dust. This paper is a new tendril, +feeling its way, as it best may, to whatever it can wind around. The +thought of finding here and there an old friend, and making, it may +be, once in a while a new one, is very grateful to me. The chief +drawback to the pleasure is the feeling that I am submitting to that +inevitable exposure which is the penalty of authorship in every form. +A writer must make up his mind to the possible rough treatment of the +critics, who swarm like bacteria whenever there is any literary +material on which they can feed. I have had as little to complain of +as most writers, yet I think it is always with reluctance that one +encounters the promiscuous handling which the products of the mind +have to put up with, as much as the fruit and provisions in the +market-stalls. I had rather be criticised, however, than criticise; +that is, express my opinions in the public prints of other writers' +work, if they are living, and can suffer, as I should often have to +make them. There are enough, thank Heaven, without me. We are +literary cannibals, and our writers live on each other and each +other's productions to a fearful extent. What the mulberry leaf is +to the silk-worm, the author's book, treatise, essay, poem, is to the +critical larva; that feed upon it. It furnishes them with food and +clothing. The process may not be agreeable to the mulberry leaf or +to the printed page; but without it the leaf would not have become +the silk that covers the empress's shoulders, and but for the critic +the author's book might never have reached the scholar's table. +Scribblers will feed on each other, and if we insist on being +scribblers we must consent to be fed on. We must try to endure +philosophically what we cannot help, and ought not, I suppose, to +wish to help. + +It is the custom at our table to vary the usual talk, by the reading +of short papers, in prose or verse, by one or more of The Teacups, as +we are in the habit of calling those who make up our company. Thirty +years ago, one of our present circle- "Teacup Number Two," The +Professor,--read a paper on Old Age, at a certain Breakfast-table, +where he was in the habit of appearing. That paper was published at +the time, and has since seen the light in other forms. He did not +know so much about old age then as he does now, and would doubtless +write somewhat differently if he took the subject up again. But I +found that it was the general wish that another of our company should +let us hear what he had to say about it. I received a polite note, +requesting me to discourse about old age, inasmuch as I was +particularly well qualified by my experience to write in an +authoritative way concerning it. The fact is that I,--for it is +myself who am speaking,--have recently arrived at the age of +threescore years and twenty,--fourscore years we may otherwise call +it. In the arrangement of our table, I am Teacup Number One, and I +may as well say that I am often spoken of as The Dictator. There is +nothing invidious in this, as I am the oldest of the company, and no +claim is less likely to excite jealousy than that of priority of +birth. + +I received congratulations on reaching my eightieth birthday, not +only from our circle of Teacups, but from friends, near and distant, +in large numbers. I tried to acknowledge these kindly missives with +the aid of a most intelligent secretary ; but I fear that there were +gifts not thanked for, and tokens of good-will not recognized. Let +any neglected correspondent be assured that it was not intentionally +that he or she was slighted. I was grateful for every such mark of +esteem; even for the telegram from an unknown friend in a distant +land, for which I cheerfully paid the considerable charge which the +sender doubtless knew it would give me pleasure to disburse for such +an expression of friendly feeling. + +I will not detain the reader any longer from the essay I have +promised. + +This is the paper read to The Teacups. + +It is in A Song of Moses that we find the words, made very familiar +to us by the Episcopal Burial Service, which place the natural limit +on life at threescore years and ten, with an extra ten years for some +of a stronger constitution than the average. Yet we are told that +Moses himself lived to be a hundred and twenty years old, and that +his eye was not dim nor his natural strength abated. This is hard to +accept literally, but we need not doubt that he was very old, and in +remarkably good condition for a man of his age. Among his followers +was a stout old captain, Caleb, the son of Jephunneh. This ancient +warrior speaks of himself in these brave terms: "Lo, I am this day +fourscore and five years old. As yet, I am as strong this day as I +was in the day that Moses sent me; as my strength was then, even so +is my strength now, for war, both to go out and to come in." It is +not likely that anybody believed his brag about his being as good a +man for active service at eighty-five as he was at forty, when Moses +sent him out to spy the land of Canaan. But he was, no doubt, lusty +and vigorous for his years, and ready to smite the Canaanites hip and +thigh, and drive them out, and take possession of their land, as he +did forthwith, when Moses gave him leave. + +Grand old men there were, three thousand years ago! But not all +octogenarians were like Caleb, the son of Jephunneh. Listen to poor +old Barzillai, and hear him piping: "I am this day fourscore years +old; and can I discern between good and evil? Can thy servant taste +what I eat or what I drink ? Can I hear any more the voice of +singing men and singing women? Wherefore, then, should thy servant +be yet a burden unto my lord the king?" And poor King David was +worse off than this, as you all remember, at the early age of +seventy. + +Thirty centuries do not seem to have made any very great difference +in the extreme limits of life. Without pretending to rival the +alleged cases of life prolonged beyond the middle of its second +century, such as those of Henry Jenkins and Thomas Parr, we can make +a good showing of centenarians and nonagenarians. I myself remember +Dr. Holyoke, of Salem, son of a president of Harvard College, who +answered a toast proposed in his honor at a dinner given to him on +his hundredth birthday. + +"Father Cleveland," our venerated city missionary, was born June 21, +1772, and died June 5, 1872, within a little more than a fortnight of +his hundredth birthday. Colonel Perkins, of Connecticut, died +recently after celebrating his centennial anniversary. + +Among nonagenarians, three whose names are well known to Bostonians, +Lord Lyndhurst, Josiah Quincy, and Sidney Bartlett, were remarkable +for retaining their faculties in their extreme age. That patriarch +of our American literature, the illustrious historian of his country, +is still with us, his birth dating in 1800. + +Ranke, the great German historian, died at the age of ninety-one, and +Chevreul, the eminent chemist, at that of a hundred and two. + +Some English sporting characters have furnished striking examples of +robust longevity. In Gilpin's "Forest Scenery" there is the story of +one of these horseback heroes. Henry Hastings was the name of this +old gentleman, who lived in the time of Charles the First. It would +be hard to find a better portrait of a hunting squire than that which +the Earl of Shaftesbury has the credit of having drawn of this very +peculiar personage. His description ends by saying, "He lived to be +an hundred, and never lost his eyesight nor used spectacles. He got +on horseback without help, and rode to the death of the stag till he +was past fourscore." + +Everything depends on habit. Old people can do, of course, more or +less well, what they have been doing all their lives; but try to +teach them any new tricks, and the truth of the old adage will very +soon show itself. Mr. Henry Hastings had done nothing but hunt all +his days, and his record would seem to have been a good deal like +that of Philippus Zaehdarm in that untranslatable epitaph which may +be found in "Sartor Resartus." Judged by its products, it was a very +short life of a hundred useless twelve months. + +It is something to have climbed the white summit, the Mont Blanc of +fourscore. A small number only of mankind ever see their eightieth +anniversary. I might go to the statistical tables of the annuity and +life insurance offices for extended and exact information, but I +prefer to take the facts which have impressed themselves upon me in +my own career. + +The class of 1829 at Harvard College, of which I am a member, +graduated, according to the triennial, fifty-nine in number. It is +sixty years, then, since that time; and as they were, on an average, +about twenty years old, those who survive must have reached fourscore +years. Of the fifty-nine graduates ten only are living, or were at +the last accounts; one in six, very nearly. In the first ten years +after graduation, our third decade, when we were between twenty and +thirty years old, we lost three members,--about one in twenty; +between the ages of thirty and forty, eight died,--one in seven of +those the decade began with; from forty to fifty, only two,--or one +in twenty-four; from fifty to sixty, eight,--or one in six ; from +sixty to seventy, fifteen,--or two out of every five; from seventy to +eighty, twelve,--or one in two. The greatly increased mortality +which began with our seventh decade went on steadily increasing. At +sixty we come "within range of the rifle-pits," to borrow an +expression from my friend Weir Mitchell. + +Our eminent classmate, the late Professor Benjamin Peirce, showed by +numerical comparison that the men of superior ability outlasted the +average of their fellow-graduates. He himself lived a little beyond +his threescore and ten years. James Freeman Clarke almost reached +the age of eighty. The eighth decade brought the fatal year for +Benjamin Robbins Curtis, the great lawyer, who was one of the judges +of the Supreme Court of the United States; for the very able chief +justice of Massachusetts, George Tyler Bigelow; and for that famous +wit and electric centre of social life, George T. Davis. At the last +annual dinner every effort was made to bring all the survivors of the +class together. Six of the ten living members were there, six old +men in the place of the thirty or forty classmates who surrounded the +long, oval table in 1859, when I asked, "Has there any old fellow got +mixed with the boys? "--11 boys" whose tongues were as the vibrating +leaves of the forest; whose talk was like the voice of many waters; +whose laugh was as the breaking of mighty waves upon the seashore. +Among the six at our late dinner was our first scholar, the thorough- +bred and accomplished engineer who held the city of Lawrence in his +brain before it spread itself out along the banks of the Merrimac. +There, too, was the poet whose National Hymn, "My Country, 't is of +thee," is known to more millions, and dearer to many of them, than +all the other songs written since the Psalms of David. Four of our +six were clergymen; the engineer and the present writer completed the +list. Were we melancholy? Did we talk of graveyards and epitaphs? +No,--we remembered our dead tenderly, serenely, feeling deeply what +we had lost in those who but a little while ago were with us. How +could we forget James Freeman Clarke, that man of noble thought and +vigorous action, who pervaded this community with his spirit, and was +felt through all its channels as are the light and the strength that +radiate through the wires which stretch above us? It was a pride and +a happiness to have such classmates as he was to remember. We were +not the moping, complaining graybeards that many might suppose we +must have been. We had been favored with the blessing of long life. +We had seen the drama well into its fifth act. The sun still warmed +us, the air was still grateful and life-giving. But there was +another underlying source of our cheerful equanimity, which we could +not conceal from ourselves if we had wished to do it. Nature's +kindly anodyne is telling upon us more and more with every year. Our +old doctors used to give an opiate which they called "the black +drop." It was stronger than laudanum, and, in fact, a dangerously +powerful narcotic. Something like this is that potent drug in +Nature's pharmacopoeia which she reserves for the time of need,--the +later stages of life. She commonly begins administering it at about +the time of the "grand climacteric," the ninth septennial period, the +sixty-third year. More and more freely she gives it, as the years go +on, to her grey-haired children, until, if they last long enough, +every faculty is benumbed, and they drop off quietly into sleep under +its benign influence. + +Do you say that old age is unfeeling? It has not vital energy enough +to supply the waste of the more exhausting emotions. Old Men's +Tears, which furnished the mournful title to Joshua Scottow's +Lamentations, do not suggest the deepest grief conceivable. A little +breath of wind brings down the raindrops which have gathered on the +leaves of the tremulous poplars. A very slight suggestion brings the +tears from Marlborough's eyes, but they are soon over, and he is +smiling again as an allusion carries him back to the days of Blenheim +and Malplaquet. Envy not the old man the tranquillity of his +existence, nor yet blame him if it sometimes looks like apathy. +Time, the inexorable, does not threaten him with the scythe so often +as with the sand-bag. He does not cut, but he stuns and stupefies. +One's fellow-mortals can afford to be as considerate and tender with +him as Time and Nature. + +There was not much boasting among us of our present or our past, as +we sat together in the little room at the great hotel. A certain +amount of self-deception is quite possible at threescore years and +ten, but at three score years and twenty Nature has shown most of +those who live to that age that she is earnest, and means to +dismantle and have done with them in a very little while. As for +boasting of our past, the laudator temporis acti makes but a poor +figure in our time. Old people used to talk of their youth as if +there were giants in those days. We knew some tall men when we were +young, but we can see a man taller than any one among them at the +nearest dime museum. We had handsome women among us, of high local +reputation, but nowadays we have professional beauties who challenge +the world to criticise them as boldly as Phryne ever challenged her +Athenian admirers. We had fast horses,--did not "Old Blue" trot a +mile in three minutes? True, but there is a three-year-old colt just +put on the track who has done it in a little more than two thirds of +that time. It seems as if the material world had been made over +again since we were boys. It is but a short time since we were +counting up the miracles we had lived to witness. The list is +familiar enough: the railroad, the ocean steamer, photography, the +spectroscope, the telegraph, telephone, phonograph, anesthetics, +electric illumination,--with such lesser wonders as the friction +match, the sewing machine, and the bicycle. And now, we said, we +must have come to the end of these unparalleled developments of the +forces of nature. We must rest on our achievements. The nineteenth +century is not likely to add to them; we must wait for the twentieth +century. Many of us, perhaps most of us, felt in that way. We had +seen our planet furnished by the art of man with a complete nervous +system: a spinal cord beneath the ocean, secondary centres,-- +ganglions,--in all the chief places where men are gathered together, +and ramifications extending throughout civilization. All at once, by +the side of this talking and light-giving apparatus, we see another +wire stretched over our heads, carrying force to a vast metallic +muscular system,--a slender cord conveying the strength of a hundred +men, of a score of horses, of a team of elephants. The lightning is +tamed and harnessed, the thunderbolt has become a common carrier. No +more surprises in this century! A voice whispers, What next? + +It will not do for us to boast about our young days and what they had +to show. It is a great deal better to boast of what they could not +show, and, strange as it may seem, there is a certain satisfaction in +it. In these days of electric lighting, when you have only to touch +a button and your parlor or bedroom is instantly flooded with light, +it is a pleasure to revert to the era of the tinder-box, the flint +and steel, and the brimstone match. It gives me an almost proud +satisfaction to tell how we used, when those implements were not at +hand or not employed, to light our whale-oil lamp by blowing a live +coal held against the wick, often swelling our cheeks and reddening +our faces until we were on the verge of apoplexy. I love to tell of +our stage-coach experiences, of our sailing-packet voyages, of the +semi-barbarous destitution of all modern comforts and conveniences +through which we bravely lived and came out the estimable personages +you find us. + +Think of it! All my boyish shooting was done with a flint-lock gun; +the percussion lock came to me as one of those new-fangled notions +people had just got hold of. We ancients can make a grand display of +minus quantities in our reminiscences, and the figures look almost as +well as if they had the plus sign before them. + +I am afraid that old people found life rather a dull business in the +time of King David and his rich old subject and friend, Barzillai, +who, poor man, could not have read a wicked novel, nor enjoyed a +symphony concert, if they had had those luxuries in his day. There +were no pleasant firesides, for there were no chimneys. There were +no daily newspapers for the old man to read, and he could not read +them if there were, with his dimmed eyes, nor hear them read, very +probably, with his dulled ears. There was no tobacco, a soothing +drug, which in its various forms is a great solace to many old men +and to some old women, Carlyle and his mother used to smoke their +pipes together, you remember. + +Old age is infinitely more cheerful, for intelligent people at least, +than it was two or three thousand years ago. It is our duty, so far +as we can, to keep it so. There will always be enough about it that +is solemn, and more than enough, alas! that is saddening. But how +much there is in our times to lighten its burdens! If they that look +out at the windows be darkened, the optician is happy to supply them +with eye-glasses for use before the public, and spectacles for their +hours of privacy. If the grinders cease because they are few, they +can be made many again by a third dentition, which brings no +toothache in its train. By temperance and good Habits of life, +proper clothing, well-warmed, well-drained, and well-ventilated +dwellings, and sufficient, not too much exercise, the old man of our +time may keep his muscular strength in very good condition. I doubt +if Mr. Gladstone, who is fast nearing his eightieth birthday, would +boast, in the style of Caleb, that he was as good a man with his axe +as he was when he was forty, but I would back him,--if the match were +possible, for a hundred shekels, against that over-confident old +Israelite, to cut down and chop up a cedar of Lebanon. I know a most +excellent clergyman, not far from my own time of life, whom I would +pit against any old Hebrew rabbi or Greek philosopher of his years +and weight, if they could return to the flesh, to run a quarter of a +mile on a good, level track. + +We must not make too much of such exceptional cases of prolonged +activity. I often reproached my dear friend and classmate, Tames +Freeman Clarke, that his ceaseless labors made it impossible for his +coevals to enjoy the luxury of that repose which their years +demanded. A wise old man, the late Dr. James Walker, president of +Harvard University, said that the great privilege of old age was the +getting rid of responsibilities. These hard-working veterans will +not let one get rid of them until he drops in his harness, and so +gets rid of them and his life together. How often has many a tired +old man envied the superannuated family cat, stretched upon the rug +before the fire, letting the genial warmth tranquilly diffuse itself +through all her internal arrangements! No more watching for mice in +dark, damp cellars, no more awaiting the savage gray rat at the mouth +of his den, no more scurrying up trees and lamp-posts to avoid the +neighbor's cur who wishes to make her acquaintance! It is very grand +to "die in harness," but it is very pleasant to have the tight straps +unbuckled and the heavy collar lifted from the neck and shoulders. + +It is natural enough to cling to life. We are used to atmospheric +existence, and can hardly conceive of ourselves except as breathing +creatures. We have never tried any other mode of being, or, if we +have, we have forgotten all about it, whatever Wordsworth's grand ode +may tell us we remember. Heaven itself must be an experiment to +every human soul which shall find itself there. It may take time for +an earthborn saint to become acclimated to the celestial ether,--that +is, if time can be said to exist for a disembodied spirit. We are +all sentenced to capital punishment for the crime of living, and +though the condemned cell of our earthly existence is but a narrow +and bare dwelling-place, we have adjusted ourselves to it, and made +it tolerably comfortable for the little while we are to be confined +in it. The prisoner of Chillon + + "regained [his] freedom with a sigh," + +and a tender-hearted mortal might be pardoned for looking back, like +the poor lady who was driven from her dwelling-place by fire and +brimstone, at the home he was leaving for the "undiscovered country." + +On the other hand, a good many persons, not suicidal in their +tendencies, get more of life than they want. One of our wealthy +citizens said, on hearing that a friend had dropped off from +apoplexy, that it made his mouth water to hear of such a case. It +was an odd expression, but I have no doubt that the fine old +gentleman to whom it was attributed made use of it. He had had +enough of his gout and other infirmties. Swift's account of the +Struldbrugs is not very amusing reading for old people, but some may +find it a consolation to reflect on the probable miseries they escape +in not being doomed to an undying earthly existence. + +There are strange diversities in the way in which different old +persons look upon their prospects. A millionaire whom I well +remember confessed that be should like to live long enough to learn +how much a certain fellow-citizen, a multimillionaire, was worth. +One of the, three nonagenarians before referred to expressed himself +as having a great curiosity about the new sphere of existence to +which he was looking forward. + +The feeling must of necessity come to many aged persons that they +have outlived their usefulness; that they are no longer wanted, but +rather in the way, drags on the wheels rather than helping them +forward. But let them remember the often-quoted line of Milton, + + "They also serve who only stand and wait." + +This is peculiarly true of them. They are helping others without +always being aware of it. They are the shields, the breakwaters, of +those who come after them. Every decade is a defence of the one next +behind it. At thirty the youth has sobered into manhood, but the +strong men of forty rise in almost unbroken rank between him and the +approaches of old age as they show in the men of fifty. At forty he +looks with a sense of security at the strong men of fifty, and sees +behind them the row of sturdy sexagenarians. When fifty is reached, +somehow sixty does not look so old as it once used to, and seventy is +still afar off. After sixty the stern sentence of the burial service +seems to have a meaning that one did not notice in former years. +There begins to be something personal about it. But if one lives to +seventy he soon gets used to the text with the threescore years and +ten in it, and begins to count himself among those who by reason of +strength are destined to reach fourscore, of whom he can see a number +still in reasonably good condition. The octogenarian loves to read +about people of ninety and over. He peers among the asterisks of the +triennial catalogue of the University for the names of graduates who +have been seventy years out of college and remain still unstarred. +He is curious about the biographies of centenarians. Such escapades +as those of that terrible old sinner and ancestor of great men, the +Reverend Stephen Bachelder, interest him as they never did before. +But he cannot deceive himself much longer. See him walking on a +level surface, and he steps off almost as well as ever; but watch him +coming down a flight of stairs, and the family record could not tell +his years more faithfully. He cut you dead, you say? Did it occur +to you that he could not see you clearly enough to know you from any +other son or daughter of Adam? He said he was very glad to hear it, +did he, when you told him that your beloved grandmother had just +deceased? Did you happen to remember that though he does not allow +that he is deaf, he will not deny that he does not hear quite so well +as he used to? No matter about his failings; the longer he holds on +to life, the longer he makes life seem to all the living who follow +him, and thus he is their constant benefactor. + +Every stage of existence has its special trials and its special +consolations. Habits are the crutches of old age; by the aid of +these we manage to hobble along after the mental joints are stiff and +the muscles rheumatic, to speak metaphorically,--that is to say, when +every act of self-determination costs an effort and a pang. We +become more and more automatic as we grow older, and if we lived long +enough we should come to be pieces of creaking machinery like +Maelzel's chess player,--or what that seemed to be. + +Emerson was sixty-three years old, the year I have referred to as +that of the grand climacteric, when he read to his son the poem he +called "Terminus," beginning: + + "It is time to be old, + To take in sail. + The God of bounds, + Who sets to seas a shore, + Came to me in his fatal rounds + And said, 'No more!'" + +It was early in life to feel that the productive stage was over, but +he had received warning from within, and did not wish to wait for +outside advices. There is all the difference in the world in the +mental as in the bodily constitution of different individuals. Some +must "take in sail" sooner, some later. We can get a useful lesson +from the American and the English elms on our Common. The American +elms are quite bare, and have been so for weeks. They know very well +that they are going to have storms to wrestle with; they have not +forgotten the gales of September and the tempests of the late autumn +and early winter. It is a hard fight they are going to have, and +they strip their coats off and roll up their shirt-sleeves, and show +themselves bare-armed and ready for the contest. The English elms +are of a more robust build, and stand defiant, with all their summer +clothing about their sturdy frames. They may yet have to learn a +lesson of their American cousins, for notwithstanding their compact +and solid structure they go to pieces in the great winds just as ours +do. We must drop much of our foliage before winter is upon us. We +must take in sail and throw over cargo, if that is necessary, to keep +us afloat. We have to decide between our duties and our instinctive +demand of rest. I can believe that some have welcomed the decay of +their active powers because it furnished them with peremptory reasons +for sparing themselves during the few years that were left them. + +Age brings other obvious changes besides the loss of active power. +The sensibilities are less keen, the intelligence is less lively, as +we might expect under the influence of that narcotic which Nature +administers. But there is another effect of her "black drop" which +is not so commonly recognized. Old age is like an opium-dream. +Nothing seems real except what is unreal. I am sure that the +pictures painted by the imagination,--the faded frescos on the walls +of memory,--come out in clearer and brighter colors than belonged to +them many years earlier. Nature has her special favors for her +children of every age, and this is one which she reserves for our +second childhood. + +No man can reach an advanced age without thinking of that great +change to which, in the course of nature, he must be so near. It has +been remarked that the sterner beliefs of rigid theologians are apt +to soften in their later years. All reflecting persons, even those +whose minds have been half palsied by the deadly dogmas which have +done all they could to disorganize their thinking powers,--all +reflecting persons, I say, must recognize, in looking back over a +long life, how largely their creeds, their course of life, their +wisdom and unwisdom, their whole characters, were shaped by the +conditions which surrounded them. Little children they came from the +hands of the Father of all ; little children in their helplessness, +their ignorance, they are going back to Him. They cannot help +feeling that they are to be transferred from the rude embrace of the +boisterous elements to arms that will receive them tenderly. Poor +planetary foundlings, they have known hard treatment at the hands of +the brute forces of nature, from the control of which they are soon +to be set free. There are some old pessimists, it is true, who +believe that they and a few others are on a raft, and that the ship +which they have quitted, holding the rest of mankind, is going down +with all on board. It is no wonder that there should be such when we +remember what have been the teachings of the priesthood through long +series of ignorant centuries. Every age has to shape the Divine +image it worships over again,--the present age and our own country +are busily engaged in the task at this time. We unmake Presidents +and make new ones. This is an apprenticeship for a higher task. Our +doctrinal teachers are unmaking the Deity of the Westminster +Catechism and trying to model a new one, with more of modern humanity +and less of ancient barbarism in his composition. If Jonathan +Edwards had lived long enough, I have no doubt his creed would have +softened into a kindly, humanized belief. + +Some twenty or thirty years ago, I said to Longfellow that certain +statistical tables I had seen went to show that poets were not a +long-lived race. He doubted whether there was anything to prove they +were particularly short-lived. Soon after this, he handed me a list +he had drawn up. I cannot lay my hand upon it at this moment, but I +remember that Metastasio was the oldest of them all. He died at the +age of eighty-four. I have had some tables made out, which I have +every reason to believe are correct so far as they go. From these, +it appears that twenty English poets lived to the average age of +fifty-six years and a little over. The eight American poets on the +list averaged seventy-three and a half, nearly, and they are not all +dead yet. The list including Greek, Latin, Italian, and German +poets, with American and English, gave an average of a little over +sixty-two years. Our young poets need not be alarmed. They can +remember that Bryant lived to be eighty-three years old, that +Longfellow reached seventy-five and Halleck seventy-seven, while +Whittier is living at the age of nearly eighty-two. Tennyson is +still writing at eighty, and Browning reached the age of seventy- +seven. + +Shall a man who in his younger days has written poetry, or what +passed for it, continue to attempt it in his later years? Certainly, +if it amuses or interests him, no one would object to his writing in +verse as much as he likes. Whether he should continue to write for +the public is another question. Poetry is a good deal a matter of +heart-beats, and the circulation is more languid in the later period +of life. The joints are less supple; the arteries are more or less +"ossified." Something like these changes has taken place in the +mind. It has lost the flexibility, the plastic docility, which it +had in youth and early manhood, when the gristle had but just become +hardened into bone. It is the nature of poetry to writhe itself +along through the tangled growths of the vocabulary, as a snake winds +through the grass, in sinuous, complex, and unexpected curves, which +crack every joint that is not supple as india-rubber. + +I had a poem that I wanted to print just here. But after what I have +this moment said, I hesitated, thinking that I might provoke the +obvious remark that I exemplified the unfitness of which I had been +speaking. I remembered the advice I had given to a poetical aspirant +not long since, which I think deserves a paragraph to itself. + +My friend, I said, I hope you will not write in verse. When you +write in prose you say what you mean. When you write in rhyme you +say what you must. + +Should I send this poem to the publishers, or not? + + "Some said, 'John, print it;' others said, 'Not so.'" + +I did not ask "some" or "others." Perhaps I should have thought it +best to keep my poem to myself and the few friends for whom it was +written. All at once, my daimon--that other Me over whom I button my +waistcoat when I button it over my own person--put it into my head to +look up the story of Madame Saqui. She was a famous danseuse, who +danced Napoleon in and out, and several other dynasties besides. Her +last appearance was at the age of seventy-six, which is rather late +in life for the tight rope, one of her specialties. Jules Janin +mummified her when she died in 1866, at the age of eighty. He spiced +her up in his eulogy as if she had been the queen of a modern +Pharaoh. His foamy and flowery rhetoric put me into such a state of +good-nature that I said, I will print my poem, and let the critical +Gil Blas handle it as he did the archbishop's sermon, or would have +done, if he had been a writer for the "Salamanca Weekly." + +It must be premised that a very beautiful loving cup was presented to +me on my recent birthday, by eleven ladies of my acquaintance. This +was the most costly and notable of all the many tributes I received, +and for which in different forms I expressed my gratitude. + + + TO THE ELEVEN LADIES + +WHO PRESENTED ME WITH A SILVER LOVING CUP ON THE + TWENTY-NINTH OF AUGUST, M DCCC LXXXIX. + +"Who gave this cup?" The secret thou wouldst steal +Its brimming flood forbids it to reveal: +No mortal's eye shall read it till he first +Cool the red throat of thirst. + +If on the golden floor one draught remain, +Trust me, thy careful search will be in vain; +Not till the bowl is emptied shalt thou know +The names enrolled below. + +Deeper than Truth lies buried in her well +Those modest names the graven letters spell +Hide from the sight; but, wait, and thou shalt see +Who the good angels be + +Whose bounty glistens in the beauteous gift +That friendly hands to loving lips shall lift: +Turn the fair goblet when its floor is dry, +Their names shall meet thine eye. + +Count thou their number on the beads of Heaven, +Alas! the clustered Pleiads are but seven; +Nay, the nine sister Muses are too few,-- +The Graces must add two. + +"For whom this gift?" For one who all too long +Clings to his bough among the groves of song; +Autumn's last leaf, that spreads its faded wing +To greet a second spring. + +Dear friends, kind friends, whate'er the cup may hold, +Bathing its burnished depths, will change to gold +Its last bright drop let thirsty Maenads drain, +Its fragrance will remain. + +Better love's perfume in the empty bowl +Than wine's nepenthe for the aching soul +Sweeter than song that ever poet sung, +It makes an old heart young! + + + +III + +After the reading of the paper which was reported in the preceding +number of this record, the company fell into talk upon the subject +with which it dealt. + +The Mistress. "I could have wished you had said more about the +religious attitude of old age as such. Surely the thoughts of aged +persons must be very much taken up with the question of what is to +become of them. I should like to have The Dictator explain himself a +little more fully on this point." + +My dear madam, I said, it is a delicate matter to talk about. You +remember Mr. Calhoun's response to the advances of an over-zealous +young clergyman who wished to examine him as to his outfit for the +long journey. I think the relations between man and his Maker grow +more intimate, more confidential, if I may say so, with advancing +years. The old man is less disposed to argue about special matters +of belief, and more ready to sympathize with spiritually minded +persons without anxious questioning as to the fold to which they +belong. That kindly judgment which he exercises with regard to +others he will, naturally enough, apply to himself. The caressing +tone in which the Emperor Hadrian addresses his soul is very much +like that of an old person talking with a grandchild or some other +pet: + "Animula, vagula, blandula, + Hospes comesque corporis." + + "Dear little, flitting, pleasing sprite, + The body's comrade and its guest." + +How like the language of Catullus to Lesbia's sparrow! + + +More and more the old man finds his pleasures in memory, as the +present becomes unreal and dreamlike, and the vista of his earthly +future narrows and closes in upon him. At last, if he live long +enough, life comes to be little more than a gentle and peaceful +delirium of pleasing recollections. To say, as Dante says, that +there is no greater grief than to remember past happiness in the hour +of misery is not giving the whole truth. In the midst of the misery, +as many would call it, of extreme old age, there is often a divine +consolation in recalling the happy moments and days and years of +times long past. So beautiful are the visions of bygone delight that +one could hardly wish them to become real, lest they should lose +their ineffable charm. I can almost conceive of a dozing and dreamy +centenarian saying to one he loves, "Go, darling, go! Spread your +wings and leave me. So shall you enter that world of memory where +all is lovely. I shall not hear the sound of your footsteps any +more, but you will float before me, an aerial presence. I shall not +hear any word from your lips, but I shall have a deeper sense of your +nearness to me than speech can give. I shall feel, in my still +solitude, as the Ancient Mariner felt when the seraph band gathered +before him: + + "'No voice did they impart + No voice; but oh! the silence sank + Like music on my heart.'" + +I said that the lenient way in which the old look at the failings of +others naturally leads them to judge themselves more charitably. +They find an apology for their short-comings and wrong-doings in +another consideration. They know very well that they are not the +same persons as the middle-aged individuals, the young men, the boys, +the children, that bore their names, and whose lives were continuous +with theirs. Here is an old man who can remember the first time he +was allowed to go shooting. What a remorseless young destroyer he +was, to be sure! Wherever he saw a feather, wherever a poor little +squirrel showed his bushy tail, bang! went the old "king's arm," and +the feathers or the fur were set flying like so much chaff. Now that +same old man,--the mortal that was called by his name and has passed +for the same person for some scores of years,--is considered absurdly +sentimental by kind-hearted women, because he opens the fly-trap and +sets all its captives free,--out-of-doors, of course, but the dear +souls all insisting, meanwhile, that the flies will, every one of +them, be back again in the house before the day is over. Do you +suppose that venerable sinner expects to be rigorously called to +account for the want of feeling he showed in those early years, when +the instinct of destruction, derived from his forest-roaming +ancestors, led him to acts which he now looks upon with pain and +aversion? + +"Senex" has seen three generations grow up, the son repeating the +virtues and the failings of the father, the grandson showing the same +characteristics as the father and grandfather. He knows that if such +or such a young fellow had lived to the next stage of life he would +very probably have caught up with his mother's virtues, which, like a +graft of a late fruit on an early apple or pear tree, do not ripen in +her children until late in the season. He has seen the successive +ripening of one quality after another on the boughs of his own life, +and he finds it hard to condemn himself for faults which only needed +time to fall off and be succeeded by better fruitage. I cannot help +thinking that the recording angel not only drops a tear upon many a +human failing, which blots it out forever, but that he hands many an +old record-book to the imp that does his bidding, and orders him to +throw that into the fire instead of the sinner for whom the little +wretch had kindled it. + +"And pitched him in after it, I hope," said Number Seven, who is in +some points as much of an optimist as any one among us, in spite of +the squint in his brain,--or in virtue of it, if you choose to have +it so. + +"I like Wordsworth's 'Matthew,'" said Number Five, "as well as any +picture of old age I remember." + +"Can you repeat it to us?" asked one of The Teacups. + +"I can recall two verses of it," said Number Five, and she recited +the two following ones. Number Five has a very sweet voice. The +moment she speaks all the faces turn toward her. I don't know what +its secret is, but it is a voice that makes friends of everybody. + + "'The sighs which Matthew heaved were sighs + Of one tired out with fun and madness; + The tears which came to Matthew's eyes + Were tears of light, the dew of gladness. + + "'Yet, sometimes, when the secret cup + Of still and serious thought went round, + It seemed as if he drank it up, + He felt with spirit so profound:' + +"This was the way in which Wordsworth paid his tribute to a + + "'Soul of God's best earthly mould.'" + +The sweet voice left a trance-like silence after it, which may have +lasted twenty heart-beats. Then I said, We all thank you for your +charming quotation. How much more wholesome a picture of humanity +than such stuff as the author of the "Night Thoughts" has left us: + + "Heaven's Sovereign saves all beings but Himself + That hideous sight, a naked human heart." + +Or the author of "Don Juan," telling us to look into + + "Man's heart, and view the hell that's there! " + +I hope I am quoting correctly, but I am more of a scholar in +Wordsworth than in Byron. Was Parson Young's own heart such a +hideous spectacle to himself? + +If it was, he had better have stripped off his surplice. No,--it was +nothing but the cant of his calling. In Byron it was a mood, and he +might have said just the opposite thing the next day, as he did in +his two descriptions of the Venus de' Medici. That picture of old +Matthew abides in the memory, and makes one think better of his kind. +What nobler tasks has the poet than to exalt the idea of manhood, and +to make the world we live in more beautiful? + +We have two or three young people with us who stand a fair chance of +furnishing us the element without which life and tea-tables alike are +wanting in interest. We are all, of course, watching them, and +curious to know whether we are to have a romance or not. Here is one +of them; others will show themselves presently. + +I cannot say just how old the Tutor is, but I do not detect a gray +hair in his head. My sight is not so good as it was, however, and he +may have turned the sharp corner of thirty, and even have left it a +year or two behind him. More probably he is still in the twenties, +--say twenty-eight or twenty-nine. He seems young, at any rate, +excitable, enthusiastic, imaginative, but at the same time reserved. +I am afraid that he is a poet. When I say "I am afraid," you wonder +what I mean by the expression. I may take another opportunity to +explain and justify it; I will only say now that I consider the Muse +the most dangerous of sirens to a young man who has his way to make +in the world. Now this young man, the Tutor, has, I believe, a +future before him. He was born for a philosopher,--so I read his +horoscope,--but he has a great liking for poetry and can write well +in verse. We have had a number of poems offered for our +entertainment, which I have commonly been requested to read. There +has been some little mystery about their authorship, but it is +evident that they are not all from the same hand. Poetry is as +contagious as measles, and if a single case of it break out in any +social circle, or in a school, there are certain to be a number of +similar cases, some slight, some serious, and now and then one so +malignant that the subject of it should be put on a spare diet of +stationery, say from two to three penfuls of ink and a half sheet of +notepaper per diem. If any of our poetical contributions are +presentable, the reader shall have a chance to see them. + +It must be understood that our company is not invariably made up of +the same persons. The Mistress, as we call her, is expected to be +always in her place. I make it a rule to be present. The Professor +is almost as sure to be at the table as I am. We should hardly know +what to do without Number Five. It takes a good deal of tact to +handle such a little assembly as ours, which is a republic on a small +scale, for all that they give me the title of Dictator, and Number +Five is a great help in every social emergency. She sees when a +discussion tends to become personal, and heads off the threatening +antagonists. She knows when a subject has been knocking about long +enough and dexterously shifts the talk to another track. It is true +that I am the one most frequently appealed to as the highest tribunal +in doubtful cases, but I often care more for Number Five's opinion +than I do for my own. Who is this Number Five, so fascinating, so +wise, so full of knowledge, and so ready to learn? She is suspected +of being the anonymous author of a book which produced a sensation +when published, not very long ago, and which those who read are very +apt to read a second time, and to leave on their tables for frequent +reference. But we have never asked her. I do not think she wants to +be famous. How she comes to be unmarried is a mystery to me; it must +be that she has found nobody worth caring enough for. I wish she +would furnish us with the romance which, as I said, our tea-table +needs to make it interesting. Perhaps the new-comer will make love +to her,--I should think it possible she might fancy him. + +And who is the new-comer? He is a Counsellor and a Politician. Has +a good war record. Is about forty-five years old, I conjecture. Is +engaged in a great law case just now. Said to be very eloquent. Has +an intellectual head, and the bearing of one who has commanded a +regiment or perhaps a brigade. Altogether an attractive person, +scholarly, refined has some accomplishments not so common as they +might be in the class we call gentlemen, with an accent on the word. + +There is also a young Doctor, waiting for his bald spot to come, so +that he may get into practice. + +We have two young ladies at the table,--the English girl referred to +in a former number, and an American girl of about her own age. Both +of them are students in one of those institutions--I am not sure +whether they call it an "annex" or not; but at any rate one of those +schools where they teach the incomprehensible sort of mathematics and +other bewildering branches of knowledge above the common level of +high-school education. They seem to be good friends, and form a very +pleasing pair when they walk in arm in arm; nearly enough alike to +seem to belong together, different enough to form an agreeable +contrast. + +Of course we were bound to have a Musician at our table, and we have +one who sings admirably, and accompanies himself, or one or more of +our ladies, very frequently. + +Such is our company when the table is full. But sometimes only half +a dozen, or it may be only three or four, are present. At other +times we have a visitor or two, either in the place of one of our +habitual number, or in addition to it. We have the elements, we +think, of a pleasant social gathering,--different sexes, ages, +pursuits, and tastes,--all that is required for a "symphony concert" +of conversation. One of the curious questions which might well be +asked by those who had been with us on different occasions would be, +"How many poets are there among you?" Nobody can answer this +question. It is a point of etiquette with us not to press our +inquiries about these anonymous poems too sharply, especially if any +of them betray sentiments which would not bear rough handling. + +I don't doubt that the different personalities at our table will get +mixed up in the reader's mind if be is not particularly clear-headed. +That happens very often, much oftener than all would be willing to +confess, in reading novels and plays. I am afraid we should get a +good deal confused even in reading our Shakespeare if we did not look +back now and then at the dramatis personae. I am sure that I am very +apt to confound the characters in a moderately interesting novel; +indeed, I suspect that the writer is often no better off than the +reader in the dreary middle of the story, when his characters have +all made their appearance, and before they have reached near enough +to the denoument to have fixed their individuality by the position +they have arrived at in the chain of the narrative. + +My reader might be a little puzzled when he read that Number Five did +or said such or such a thing, and ask, "Whom do you mean by that +title? I am not quite sure that I remember." Just associate her with +that line of Emerson, + + "Why nature loves the number five," + +and that will remind you that she is the favorite of our table. + +You cannot forget who Number Seven is if I inform you that he +specially prides himself on being a seventh son of a seventh son. +The fact of such a descent is supposed to carry wonderful endowments +with it. Number Seven passes for a natural healer. He is looked +upon as a kind of wizard, and is lucky in living in the nineteenth +century instead of the sixteenth or earlier. How much confidence he +feels in himself as the possessor of half-supernatural gifts I cannot +say. I think his peculiar birthright gives him a certain confidence +in his whims and fancies which but for that he would hardly feel. +After this explanation, when I speak of Number Five or Number Seven, +you will know to whom I refer. + +The company are very frank in their criticisms of each other. "I did +not like that expression of yours, planetary foundlings," said the +Mistress. "It seems to me that it is too like atheism for a good +Christian like you to use." + +Ah, my dear madam, I answered, I was thinking of the elements and the +natural forces to which man was born an almost helpless subject in +the rudimentary stages of his existence, and from which he has only +partially got free after ages upon ages of warfare with their +tyranny. Think what hunger forced the caveman to do! Think of the +surly indifference of the storms that swept the forest and the +waters, the earthquake chasms that engulfed him, the inundations that +drowned him out of his miserable hiding-places, the pestilences that +lay in wait for him, the unequal strife with ferocious animals! +I need not sum up all the wretchedness that goes to constitute the +"martyrdom of man." When our forefathers came to this wilderness as +it then was, and found everywhere the bones of the poor natives who +had perished in the great plague (which our Doctor there thinks was +probably the small-pox), they considered this destructive malady as a +special mark of providential favor for them. How about the miserable +Indians? Were they anything but planetary foundlings? No! +Civilization is a great foundling hospital, and fortunate are all +those who get safely into the creche before the frost or the malaria +has killed them, the wild beasts or the venomous reptiles worked out +their deadly appetites and instincts upon them. The very idea of +humanity seems to be that it shall take care of itself and develop +its powers in the "struggle for life." Whether we approve it or not, +if we can judge by the material record, man was born a foundling, and +fought his way as he best might to that kind of existence which we +call civilized,--one which a considerable part of the inhabitants of +our planet have reached. + +If you do not like the expression planetary foundlings, I have no +objection to your considering the race as put out to nurse. And what +a nurse Nature is! She gives her charge a hole in the rocks to live +in, ice for his pillow and snow for his blanket, in one part of the +world; the jungle for his bedroom in another, with the tiger for his +watch-dog, and the cobra as his playfellow. + +Well, I said, there may be other parts of the universe where there +are no tigers and no cobras. It is not quite certain that such +realms of creation are better off, on the whole, than this earthly +residence of ours, which has fought its way up to the development of +such centres of civilization as Athens and Rome, to such +personalities as Socrates, as Washington. + +"One of our company has been on an excursion among the celestial +bodies of our system, I understand," said the Professor. + +Number Five colored. "Nothing but a dream," she said. "The truth +is, I had taken ether in the evening for a touch of neuralgia, and it +set my imagination at work in a way quite unusual with me. I had +been reading a number of books about an ideal condition of society,-- +Sir Thomas Mores 'Utopia,' Lord Bacon's 'New Atlantis,' and another +of more recent date. I went to bed with my brain a good deal +excited, and fell into a deep slumber, in which I passed through some +experiences so singular that, on awaking, I put them down on paper. +I don't know that there is anything very original about the +experiences I have recorded, but I thought them worth preserving. +Perhaps you would not agree with me in that belief." + +"If Number Five will give us a chance to form our own judgment about +her dream or vision, I think we shall enjoy it," said the Mistress. +"She knows what will please The Teacups in the way of reading as well +as I do how many lumps of sugar the Professor wants in his tea and +how many I want in mine." + +The company was so urgent that Number Five sent up-stairs for her +paper. + +Number Five reads the story of her dream. + +It cost me a great effort to set down the words of the manuscript +from which I am reading. My dreams for the most part fade away so +soon after their occurrence that I cannot recall them at all. But in +this case my ideas held together with remarkable tenacity. By +keeping my mind steadily upon the work, I gradually unfolded the +narrative which follows, as the famous Italian antiquary opened one +of those fragile carbonized manuscripts found in the ruins of +Herculaneum or Pompeii. + +The first thing I remember about it is that I was floating upward, +without any sense of effort on my part. The feeling was that of +flying, which I have often had in dreams, as have many other persons. +It was the most natural thing in the world,--a semi-materialized +volition, if I may use such an expression. + +At the first moment of my new consciousness,--for I seemed to have +just emerged from a deep slumber, I was aware that there was a +companion at my side. Nothing could be more gracious than the way in +which this being accosted me. I will speak of it as she, because +there was a delicacy, a sweetness, a divine purity, about its aspect +that recalled my ideal of the loveliest womanhood. + +"I am your companion and your guide," this being made me understand, +as she looked at me. Some faculty of which I had never before been +conscious had awakened in me, and I needed no interpreter to explain +the unspoken language of my celestial attendant. + +"You are not yet outside of space and time," she said, "and I am +going with you through some parts of the phenomenal or apparent +universe,--what you call the material world. We have plenty of what +you call time before us, and we will take our voyage leisurely, +looking at such objects of interest as may attract our attention as +we pass. The first thing you will naturally wish to look at will be +the earth you have just left. This is about the right distance," she +said, and we paused in our flight. + +The great globe we had left was rolling beneath us. No eye of one in +the flesh could see it as I saw or seemed to see it. No ear of any +mortal being could bear the sounds that came from it as I heard or +seemed to hear them. The broad oceans unrolled themselves before me. +I could recognize the calm Pacific and the stormy Atlantic,--the +ships that dotted them, the white lines where the waves broke on the +shore, --frills on the robes of the continents, --so they looked to +my woman's perception; the--vast South American forests; the +glittering icebergs about the poles; the snowy mountain ranges, here +and there a summit sending up fire and smoke; mighty rivers, dividing +provinces within sight of each other, and making neighbors of realms +thousands of miles apart; cities; light-houses to insure the safety +of sea-going vessels, and war-ships to knock them to pieces and sink +them. All this, and infinitely more, showed itself to me during a +single revolution of the sphere: twenty-four hours it would have +been, if reckoned by earthly measurements of time. I have not spoken +of the sounds I heard while the earth was revolving under us. The +howl of storms, the roar and clash of waves, the crack and crash of +the falling thunderbolt,--these of course made themselves heard as +they do to mortal ears. But there were other sounds which enchained +my attention more than these voices of nature. As the skilled leader +of an orchestra hears every single sound from each member of the mob +of stringed and wind instruments, and above all the screech of the +straining soprano, so my sharpened perceptions made what would have +been for common mortals a confused murmur audible to me as compounded +of innumerable easily distinguished sounds. Above them all arose one +continued, unbroken, agonizing cry. It was the voice of suffering +womanhood, a sound that goes up day and night, one long chorus of +tortured victims. + +"Let us get out of reach of this," I said; and we left our planet, +with its blank, desolate moon staring at it, as if it had turned pale +at the sights and sounds it had to witness. + +Presently the gilded dome of the State House, which marked our +starting-point, came into view for the second time, and I knew that +this side-show was over. I bade farewell to the Common with its +Cogswell fountain, and the Garden with its last awe-inspiring +monument. + +"Oh, if I could sometimes revisit these beloved scenes! "I exclaimed. + +"There is nothing to hinder that I know of," said my companion. +"Memory and imagination as you know them in the flesh are two winged +creatures with strings tied to their legs, and anchored to a bodily +weight of a hundred and fifty pounds, more or less. When the string +is cut you can be where you wish to be,--not merely a part of you, +leaving the rest behind, but the whole of you. Why shouldn't you +want to revisit your old home sometimes?" + +I was astonished at the human way in which my guide conversed with +me. It was always on the basis of my earthly habits, experiences, +and limitations. "Your solar system," she said, "is a very small +part of the universe, but you naturally feel a curiosity about the +bodies which constitute it and about their inhabitants. There is +your moon: a bare and desolate-looking place it is, and well it may +be, for it has no respirable atmosphere, and no occasion for one. +The Lunites do not breathe; they live without waste and without +supply. You look as if you do not understand this. Yet your people +have, as you well know, what they call incandescent lights +everywhere. You would have said there can be no lamp without oil or +gas, or other combustible substance, to feed it; and yet you see a +filament which sheds a light like that of noon all around it, and +does not waste at all. So the Lunites live by influx of divine +energy, just as the incandescent lamp glows,--glows, and is not +consumed; receiving its life, if we may call it so, from the central +power, which wears the unpleasant name of "dynamo."' + +The Lunites appeared to me as pale phosphorescent figures of ill- +defined outline, lost in their own halos, as it were. I could not +help thinking of Shelley's + + "maiden + With white fire laden." + +But as the Lunites were after all but provincials, as are the tenants +of all the satellites, I did not care to contemplate them for any +great length of time. + +I do not remember much about the two planets that came next to our +own, except the beautiful rosy atmosphere of one and the huge bulk of +the other. Presently, we found ourselves within hailing distance of +another celestial body, which I recognized at once, by the rings +which girdled it, as the planet Saturn. A dingy, dull-looking sphere +it was in its appearance. "We will tie up here for a while," said my +attendant. The easy, familiar way in which she spoke surprised and +pleased me. + +Why, said I,--The Dictator,--what is there to prevent beings of +another order from being as cheerful, as social, as good companions, +as the very liveliest of God's creatures whom we have known in the +flesh? Is it impossible for an archangel to smile? Is such a +phenomenon as a laugh never heard except in our little sinful corner +of the universe? Do you suppose, that when the disciples heard from +the lips of their Master the play of words on the name of Peter, +there was no smile of appreciation on the bearded faces of those holy +men? From any other lips we should have called this pleasantry a + +Number Five shook her head very slightly, and gave me a look that +seemed to say, "Don't frighten the other Teacups. We don't call +things by the names that belong to them when we deal with celestial +subjects." + +We tied up, as my attendant playfully called our resting, so near the +planet that I could know--I will not say see and hear, but apprehend +--all that was going on in that remote sphere; remote, as we who live +in what we have been used to consider the centre of the rational +universe regard it. What struck me at once was the deadness of +everything I looked upon. Dead, uniform color of surface and +surrounding atmosphere. Dead complexion of all the inhabitants. +Dead-looking trees, dead-looking grass, no flowers to be seen +anywhere. + +"What is the meaning of all this?" I said to my guide. + +She smiled good-naturedly, and replied, "It is a forlorn home for +anything above a lichen or a toadstool; but that is no wonder, when +you know what the air is which they breathe. It is pure nitrogen." + +The Professor spoke up. "That can't be, madam," he said. "The +spectroscope shows the atmosphere of Saturn to be--no matter, I have +forgotten what; but it was not pure nitrogen, at any rate." + +Number Five is never disconcerted. "Will you tell me," she said, +"where you have found any account of the bands and lines in the +spectrum of dream-nitrogen? I should be so pleased to become +acquainted with them." + +The Professor winced a little, and asked Delilah, the handmaiden, to +pass a plate of muffins to him. The dream had carried him away, and +he thought for the moment that he was listening to a scientific +paper. + +Of course, my companion went on to say, the bodily constitution of +the Saturnians is wholly different from that of air-breathing, that +is oxygen-breathing, human beings. They are the dullest, slowest, +most torpid of mortal creatures. + +All this is not to be wondered at when you remember the inert +characteristics of nitrogen. There are in some localities natural +springs which give out slender streams of oxygen. You will learn by +and by what use the Saturnians make of this dangerous gas, which, as +you recollect, constitutes about one fifth of your own atmosphere. +Saturn has large lead mines, but no other metal is found on this +planet. The inhabitants have nothing else to make tools of, except +stones and shells. The mechanical arts have therefore made no great +progress among them. Chopping down a tree with a leaden axe is +necessarily a slow process. + +So far as the Saturnians can be said to have any pride in anything, +it is in the absolute level which characterizes their political and +social order. They profess to be the only true republicans in the +solar system. The fundamental articles of their Constitution are +these: + +All Saturnians are born equal, live equal, and die equal. + +All Saturnians are born free, --free, that is, to obey the rules laid +down for the regulation of their conduct, pursuits, and opinions, +free to be married to the person selected for them by the +physiological section of the government, and free to die at such +proper period of life as may best suit the convenience and general +welfare of the community. + + +The one great industrial product of Saturn is the bread-root. The +Saturnians find this wholesome and palatable enough; and it is well +they do, as they have no other vegetable. It is what I should call a +most uninteresting kind of eatable, but it serves as food and drink, +having juice enough, so that they get along without water. They have +a tough, dry grass, which, matted together, furnishes them with +clothes sufficiently warm for their cold-blooded constitutions, and +more than sufficiently ugly. + +A piece of ground large enough to furnish bread-root for ten persons +is allotted to each head of a household, allowance being made for the +possible increase of families. This, however, is not a very +important consideration, as the Saturnians are not a prolific race. +The great object of life being the product of the largest possible +quantity of bread-roots, and women not being so capable in the fields +as the stronger sex, females are considered an undesirable addition +to society. The one thing the Saturnians dread and abhor is +inequality. The whole object of their laws and customs is to +maintain the strictest equality in everything,--social relations, +property, so far as they can be said to have anything which can be so +called, mode of living, dress, and all other matters. It is their +boast that nobody ever starved under their government. Nobody goes +in rags, for the coarse-fibred grass from which they fabricate their +clothes is very durable. (I confess I wondered how a woman could +live in Saturn. They have no looking-glasses. There is no such +article as a ribbon known among them. All their clothes are of one +pattern. I noticed that there were no pockets in any of their +garments, and learned that a pocket would be considered prima facie +evidence of theft, as no honest person would have use for such a +secret receptacle.) Before the revolution which established the +great law of absolute and lifelong equality, the inhabitants used to +feed at their own private tables. Since the regeneration of society +all meals are taken in common. The last relic of barbarism was the +use of plates,--one or even more to each individual. This "odious +relic of an effete civilization," as they called it, has long been +superseded by oblong hollow receptacles, one of which is allotted to +each twelve persons. A great riot took place when an attempt was +made by some fastidious and exclusive egotists to introduce +partitions which should partially divide one portion of these +receptacles into individual compartments. The Saturnians boast that +they have no paupers, no thieves, none of those fictitious values +called money,--all which things, they hear, are known in that small +Saturn nearer the sun than the great planet which is their dwelling- +place. + +"I suppose that now they have levelled everything they are quiet and +contented. Have they any of those uneasy people called reformers?" + +"Indeed they have," said my attendant. "There are the +Orthobrachians, who declaim against the shameful abuse of the left +arm and hand, and insist on restoring their perfect equality with the +right. Then there are Isopodic societies, which insist on bringing +back the original equality of the upper and lower limbs. If you can +believe it, they actually practise going on all fours,--generally in +a private way, a few of them together, but hoping to bring the world +round to them in the near future." + +Here I had to stop and laugh. + +"I should think life might be a little dull in Saturn," I said. + +"It is liable to that accusation," she answered. "Do you notice how +many people you meet with their mouths stretched wide open?" + +"Yes," I said, "and I do not know what to make of it. I should think +every fourth or fifth person had his mouth open in that way." + +"They are suffering from the endemic disease of their planet, +prolonged and inveterate gaping or yawning, which has ended in +dislocation of the lower jaw. After a time this becomes fixed, and +requires a difficult surgical operation to restore it to its place." + +It struck me that, in spite of their boast that they have no paupers, +no thieves, no money, they were a melancholy-looking set of beings. + +"What are their amusements?" I asked. + +Intoxication and suicide are their chief recreations. They have a +way of mixing the oxygen which issues in small jets from certain +natural springs with their atmospheric nitrogen in the proportion of +about twenty per cent, which makes very nearly the same thing as the +air of your planet. But to the Saturnians the mixture is highly +intoxicating, and is therefore a relief to the monotony of their +every-day life. This mixture is greatly sought after, but hard to +obtain, as the sources of oxygen are few and scanty. It shortens the +lives of those who have recourse to it; but if it takes too long, +they have other ways of escaping from a life which cuts and dries +everything for its miserable subjects, defeats all the natural +instincts, confounds all individual characteristics, and makes +existence such a colossal bore, as your worldly people say, that +self-destruction becomes a luxury." + + +Number Five stopped here. + +Your imaginary wholesale Shakerdom is all very fine, said I. Your +Utopia, your New Atlantis, and the rest are pretty to look at. But +your philosophers are treating the world of living souls as if they +were, each of them, playing a game of solitaire, --all the pegs and +all the holes alike. Life is a very different sort of game. It is a +game of chess, and not of solitaire, nor even of checkers. The men +are not all pawns, but you have your knights, bishops, rooks,--yes, +your king and queen,--to be provided for. Not with these names, of +course, but all looking for their proper places, and having their own +laws and modes of action. You can play solitaire with the members of +your own family for pegs, if you like, and if none of them rebel. +You can play checkers with a little community of meek, like-minded +people. But when it comes to the handling of a great state, you will +find that nature has emptied a box of chessmen before you, and you +must play with them so as to give each its proper move, or sweep them +off the board, and come back to the homely game such as I used to see +played with beans and kernels of corn on squares marked upon the back +of the kitchen bellows. + +It was curious to see how differently Number Five's narrative was +received by the different listeners in our circle. Number Five +herself said she supposed she ought to be ashamed of its absurdities, +but she did not know that it was much sillier than dreams often are, +and she thought it might amuse the company. She was herself always +interested by these ideal pictures of society. But it seemed to her +that life must be dull in any of them, and with that idea in her head +her dreaming fancy had drawn these pictures. + +The Professor was interested in her conception of the existence of +the Lunites without waste, and the death in life of the nitrogen- +breathing Saturnians. Dream-chemistry was a new subject to him. +Perhaps Number Five would give him some lessons in it. + +At this she smiled, and said she was afraid she could not teach him +anything, but if he would answer a few questions in matter-of-fact +chemistry which had puzzled her she would be vastly obliged to him. + +"You must come to my laboratory," said the Professor. + +"I will come to-morrow," said Number Five. + +Oh, yes! Much laboratory work they will do! Play of mutual +affinities. Amalgamates. No freezing mixtures, I'll warrant + +Why shouldn't we get a romance out of all this, hey ? + +But Number Five looks as innocent as a lamb, and as brave as a lion. +She does not care a copper for the looks that are going round The +Teacups. + +Our Doctor was curious about those cases of anchylosis, as he called +it, of the lower jaw. He thought it a quite possible occurrence. +Both the young girls thought the dream gave a very hard view of the +optimists, who look forward to a reorganization of society which +shall rid mankind of the terrible evils of over-crowding and +competition. + +Number Seven was quite excited about the matter. He had himself +drawn up a plan for a new social arrangement. He had shown it to the +legal gentleman who has lately joined us. This gentleman thought it +well-intended, but that it would take one constable to every three +inhabitants to enforce its provisions. + +I said the dream could do no harm; it was too outrageously improbable +to come home to anybody's feelings. Dreams were like broken +mosaics,--the separated stones might here and there make parts of +pictures. If one found a caricature of himself made out of the +pieces which had accidentally come together, he would smile at it, +knowing that it was an accidental effect with no malice in it. If +any of you really believe in a working Utopia, why not join the +Shakers, and convert the world to this mode of life? Celibacy alone +would cure a great many of the evils you complain of. + +I thought this suggestion seemed to act rather unfavorably upon the +ladies of our circle. The two Annexes looked inquiringly at each +other. Number Five looked smilingly at them. She evidently thought +it was time to change the subject of conversation, for she turned to +me and said, "You promised to read us the poem you read before your +old classmates the other evening." + +I will fulfill my promise, I said. We felt that this might probably +be our last meeting as a Class. The personal reference is to our +greatly beloved and honored classmate, James Freeman Clarke. + + +AFTER THE CURFEW. + +The Play is over. While the light +Yet lingers in the darkening hall, + +I come to say a last Good-night +Before the final Exeunt all. + +We gathered once, a joyous throng: +The jovial toasts went gayly round; +With jest, and laugh, and shout, and song +we made the floors and walls resound. + +We come with feeble steps and slow, +A little band of four or five, +Left from the wrecks of long ago, +Still pleased to find ourselves alive. + +Alive! How living, too, are they +whose memories it is ours to share! +Spread the long table's full array, +There sits a ghost in every chair! + +One breathing form no more, alas! +Amid our slender group we see; +With him we still remained "The Class," +without his presence what are we? + +The hand we ever loved to clasp, +That tireless hand which knew no rest, +Loosed from affection's clinging grasp, +Lies nerveless on the peaceful breast. + +The beaming eye, the cheering voice, +That lent to life a generous glow, +whose every meaning said "Rejoice," +we see, we hear, no more below. + +The air seems darkened by his loss, +Earth's shadowed features look less fair, +And heavier weighs the daily cross +His willing shoulders helped as bear. + +Why mourn that we, the favored few + +Whom grasping Time so long has spared +Life's sweet illusions to pursue, +The common lot of age have shared? + +In every pulse of Friendship's heart +There breeds unfelt a throb of pain, +One hour must rend its links apart, +Though years on years have forged the chain. + +So ends "The Boys,"--a lifelong play. +We too must hear the Prompter's call +To fairer scenes and brighter day +Farewell! I let the curtain fall. + + + + +IV + +If the reader thinks that all these talking Teacups came together by +mere accident, as people meet at a boarding-house, I may as well tell +him at once that he is mistaken. If he thinks I am going to explain +how it is that he finds them thus brought together, whether they form +a secret association, whether they are the editors of this or that +periodical, whether they are connected with some institution, and so +on,--I must disappoint him. It is enough that he finds them in each +other's company, a very mixed assembly, of different sexes, ages, and +pursuits; and if there is a certain mystery surrounds their meetings, +he must not be surprised. Does he suppose we want to be known and +talked about in public as "Teacups"? No; so far as we give to the +community some records of the talks at our table our thoughts become +public property, but the sacred personality of every Teacup must be +properly respected. If any wonder at the presence of one of our +number, whose eccentricities might seem to render him an undesirable +associate of the company, he should remember that some people may +have relatives whom they feel bound to keep their eye on; besides the +cracked Teacup brings out the ring of the sound ones as nothing else +does. Remember also that soundest teacup does not always hold the +best tea, or the cracked teacup the worst. + +This is a hint to the reader, who is not expected to be too curious +about the individual Teacups constituting our unorganized +association. + + +The Dictator Discourses. + +I have been reading Balzac's Peau de Chagrin. You have all read the +story, I hope, for it is the first of his wonderful romances which +fixed the eyes of the reading world upon him, and is a most +fascinating if somewhat fantastic tale. A young man becomes the +possessor of a certain magic skin, the peculiarity of which is that, +while it gratifies every wish formed by its possessor, it shrinks in +all its dimensions each time that a wish is gratified. The young man +makes every effort to ascertain the cause of its shrinking; invokes +the aid of the physicist, the chemist, the student of natural +history, but all in vain. He draws a red line around it. That same +day he indulges a longing for a certain object. The next morning +there is a little interval between the red line and the skin, close +to which it was traced. So always, so inevitably. As he lives on, +satisfying one desire, one passion, after another, the process of +shrinking continues. A mortal disease sets in, which keeps pace with +the shrinking skin, and his life and his talisman come to an end +together. + +One would say that such a piece of integument was hardly a desirable +possession. And yet, how many of us have at this very moment a peau +de chagrin of our own, diminishing with every costly wish indulged, +and incapable, like the magical one of the story, of being arrested +in its progress + +Need I say that I refer to those coupon bonds, issued in the days of +eight and ten per cent interest, and gradually narrowing as they drop +their semiannual slips of paper, which represent wishes to be +realized, as the roses let fall their leaves in July, as the icicles +melt away in the thaw of January? + +How beautiful was the coupon bond, arrayed in its golden raiment of +promises to pay at certain stated intervals, for a goodly number of +coming years! What annual the horticulturist can show will bear +comparison with this product of auricultural industry, which has +flowered in midsummer and midwinter for twenty successive seasons? +And now the last of its blossoms is to be plucked, and the bare stem, +stripped of its ever maturing and always welcome appendages, is +reduced to the narrowest conditions of reproductive existence. Such +is the fate of the financial peau de chagrin. Pity the poor +fractional capitalist, who has just managed to live on the eight per +cent of his coupon bonds. The shears of Atropos were not more fatal +to human life than the long scissors which cut the last coupon to the +lean proprietor, whose slice of dry toast it served to flatter with +oleomargarine. Do you wonder that my thoughts took the poetical +form, in the contemplation of these changes and their melancholy +consequences? If the entire poem, of several hundred lines, was +"declined with thanks" by an unfeeling editor, that is no reason why +you should not hear a verse or two of it. + + + THE PEAU DE CHAGRIN OF STATE STREET. + + How beauteous is the bond + In the manifold array + Of its promises to pay, + While the eight per cent it gives + And the rate at which one lives + Correspond! + + But at last the bough is bare + Where the coupons one by one + Through their ripening days have run, + And the bond, a beggar now, + Seeks investment anyhow, + Anywhere! + +The Mistress commonly contents herself with the general supervision +of the company, only now and then taking an active part in the +conversation. She started a question the other evening which set +some of us thinking. + +"Why is it," she said, "that there is so common and so intense a +desire for poetical reputation? It seems to me that, if I were a +man, I had rather have done something worth telling of than make +verses about what other people had done." + +"You agree with Alexander the Great," said the Professor. "You would +prefer the fame of Achilles to that of Homer, who told the story of +his wrath and its direful consequences. I am afraid that I should +hardly agree with you. Achilles was little better than a Choctaw +brave. I won't quote Horace's line which characterizes him so +admirably, for I will take it for granted that you all know it. He +was a gentleman,--so is a first-class Indian,--a very noble gentleman +in point of courage, lofty bearing, courtesy, but an unsoaped, ill- +clad, turbulent, high-tempered young fellow, looked up to by his +crowd very much as the champion of the heavy weights is looked up to +by his gang of blackguards. Alexander himself was not much better,-- +a foolish, fiery young madcap. How often is he mentioned except as a +warning? His best record is that he served to point a moral as +'Macedonian's madman.' He made a figure, it is true, in Dryden's +great Ode, but what kind of a figure? He got drunk,--in very bad +company, too,--and then turned fire-bug. He had one redeeming +point,--he did value his Homer, and slept with the Iliad under his +pillow. A poet like Homer seems to me worth a dozen such fellows as +Achilles and Alexander." + +"Homer is all very well far those that can read him," said Number +Seven, "but the fellows that tag verses together nowadays are mostly +fools. That's my opinion. I wrote some verses once myself, but I +had been sick and was very weak; hadn't strength enough to write in +prose, I suppose." + +This aggressive remark caused a little stir at our tea-table. For +you must know, if I have not told you already, there are suspicions +that we have more than one "poet" at our table. I have already +confessed that I do myself indulge in verse now and then, and have +given my readers a specimen of my work in that line. But there is so +much difference of character in the verses which are produced at our +table, without any signature, that I feel quite sure there are at +least two or three other contributors besides myself. There is a +tall, old-fashioned silver urn, a sugar-bowl of the period of the +Empire, in which the poems sent to be read are placed by unseen +hands. When the proper moment arrives, I lift the cover of the urn +and take out any manuscript it may contain. If conversation is going +on and the company are in a talking mood, I replace the manuscript or +manuscripts, clap on the cover, and wait until there is a moment's +quiet before taking it off again. I might guess the writers +sometimes by the handwriting, but there is more trouble taken to +disguise the chirography than I choose to take to identify it as that +of any particular member of our company. + +The turn the conversation took, especially the slashing onslaught of +Number Seven on the writers of verse, set me thinking and talking +about the matter. Number Five turned on the stream of my discourse +by a question. + +"You receive a good many volumes of verse, do you not?" she said, +with a look which implied that she knew I did. + +I certainly do, I answered. My table aches with them. My shelves +groan with them. Think of what a fuss Pope made about his trials, +when he complained that + + "All Bedlam or Parnassus is let out"! + +What were the numbers of the + + "Mob of gentlemen who wrote with ease" + +to that great multitude of contributors to our magazines, and authors +of little volumes--sometimes, alas! big ones--of verse, which pour +out of the press, not weekly, but daily, and at such a rate of +increase that it seems as if before long every hour would bring a +book, or at least an article which is to grow into a book by and by? + +I thanked Heaven, the other day, that I was not a critic. These +attenuated volumes of poetry in fancy bindings open their covers at +one like so many little unfledged birds, and one does so long to drop +a worm in,--a worm in the shape of a kind word for the poor +fledgling! But what a desperate business it is to deal with this +army of candidates for immortality! I have often had something to +say about them, and I may be saying over the same things; but if I do +not remember what I have said, it is not very likely that my reader +will; if he does, he will find, I am very sure, that I say it a +little differently. + +What astonishes me is that this enormous mass of commonplace verse, +which burdens the postman who brings it, which it is a serious task +only to get out of its wrappers and open in two or three places, is +on the whole of so good an average quality. The dead level of +mediocrity is in these days a table-land, a good deal above the old +sea-level of laboring incapacity. Sixty years ago verses made a +local reputation, which verses, if offered today to any of our first- +class magazines, would go straight into the waste-basket. To write +"poetry" was an art and mystery in which only a few noted men and a +woman or two were experts. + +When "Potter the ventriloquist," the predecessor of the well- +remembered Signor Blitz, went round giving his entertainments, there +was something unexplained, uncanny, almost awful, and beyond dispute +marvellous, in his performances. Those watches that disappeared and +came back to their owners, those endless supplies of treasures from +empty hats, and especially those crawling eggs that travelled all +over the magician's person, sent many a child home thinking that Mr. +Potter must have ghostly assistants, and raised grave doubts in the +minds of "professors," that is members of the church, whether they +had not compromised their characters by being seen at such an +unhallowed exhibition. Nowadays, a clever boy who has made a study +of parlor magic can do many of those tricks almost as well as the +great sorcerer himself. How simple it all seems when we have seen +the mechanism of the deception! + +It is just so with writing in verse. It was not understood that +everybody can learn to make poetry, just as they can learn the more +difficult tricks of juggling. M. Jourdain's discovery that he had +been speaking and writing prose all his life is nothing to that of +the man who finds out in middle life, or even later, that he might +have been writing poetry all his days, if he had only known how +perfectly easy and simple it is. Not everybody, it is true, has a +sufficiently good ear, a sufficient knowledge of rhymes and capacity +for handling them, to be what is called a poet. I doubt whether more +than nine out of ten, in the average, have that combination of gifts +required for the writing of readable verse. + +This last expression of opinion created a sensation among The +Teacups. They looked puzzled for a minute. One whispered to the +next Teacup, "More than nine out of ten! I should think that was a +pretty liberal allowance." + +Yes, I continued; perhaps ninety-nine in a hundred would come nearer +to the mark. I have sometimes thought I might consider it worth +while to set up a school for instruction in the art. "Poetry taught +in twelve lessons." Congenital idiocy is no disqualification. +Anybody can write "poetry." It is a most unenviable distinction to +leave published a thin volume of verse, which nobody wanted, nobody +buys, nobody reads, nobody cares for except the author, who cries +over its pathos, poor fellow, and revels in its beauties, which he +has all to himself. Come! who will be my pupils in a Course,--Poetry +taught in twelve lessons? That made a laugh, in which most of The +Teacups, myself included, joined heartily. Through it all I heard +the sweet tones of Number Five's caressing voice; not because it was +more penetrating or louder than the others, for it was low and soft, +but it was so different from the others, there was so much more +life,--the life of sweet womanhood,--dissolved in it. + +(Of course he will fall in love with her. "He? Who?" Why, the +newcomer, the Counsellor. Did I not see his eyes turn toward her as +the silvery notes rippled from her throat? Did they not follow her +in her movements, as she turned her tread this or that way? + +--What nonsense for me to be arranging matters between two people +strangers to each other before to-day!) + +"A fellow writes in verse when he has nothing to say, and feels too +dull and silly to say it in prose," said Number Seven. + +This made us laugh again, good-naturedly. I was pleased with a kind +of truth which it seemed to me to wrap up in its rather startling +affirmation. I gave a piece of advice the other day which I said I +thought deserved a paragraph to itself. It was from a letter I wrote +not long ago to an unknown young correspondent, who had a longing for +seeing himself in verse but was not hopelessly infatuated with the +idea that he was born a "poet." "When you write in prose," I said, +"you say what you mean. When you write in verse you say what you +must." I was thinking more especially of rhymed verse. Rhythm alone +is a tether, and not a very long one. But rhymes are iron fetters; +it is dragging a chain and ball to march under their incumbrance; it +is a clog-dance you are figuring in, when you execute your metrical +pas seul. Consider under what a disadvantage your thinking powers +are laboring when you are handicapped by the inexorable demands of +our scanty English rhyming vocabulary! You want to say something +about the heavenly bodies, and you have a beautiful line ending with +the word stars. Were you writing in prose, your imagination, your +fancy, your rhetoric, your musical ear for the harmonies of language, +would all have full play. But there is your rhyme fastening you by +the leg, and you must either reject the line which pleases you, or +you must whip your hobbling fancy and all your limping thoughts into +the traces which are hitched to one of three or four or half a dozen +serviceable words. You cannot make any use of cars, I will suppose; +you have no occasion to talk about scars; "the red planet Mars" has +been used already; Dibdin has said enough about the gallant tars; +what is there left for you but bars? So you give up your trains of +thought, capitulate to necessity, and manage to lug in some kind of +allusion, in place or out of place, which will allow you to make use +of bars. Can there be imagined a more certain process for breaking +up all continuity of thought, for taking out all the vigor, all the +virility, which belongs to natural prose as the vehicle of strong, +graceful, spontaneous thought, than this miserable subjugation of +intellect to the-clink of well or ill matched syllables? I think you +will smile if I tell you of an idea I have had about teaching the art +of writing "poems" to the half-witted children at the Idiot Asylum. +The trick of rhyming cannot be more usefully employed than in +furnishing a pleasant amusement to the poor feeble-minded children. +I should feel that I was well employed in getting up a Primer for the +pupils of the Asylum, and other young persons who are incapable of +serious thought and connected expression. I would start in the +simplest way; thus:-- + + When darkness veils the evening.... + I love to close my weary.... + +The pupil begins by supplying the missing words, which most children +who are able to keep out of fire and water can accomplish after a +certain number of trials. When the poet that is to be has got so as +to perform this task easily, a skeleton verse, in which two or three +words of each line are omitted, is given the child to fill up. By +and by the more difficult forms of metre are outlined, until at +length a feebleminded child can make out a sonnet, completely +equipped with its four pairs of rhymes in the first section and its +three pairs in the second part. + +Number Seven interrupted my discourse somewhat abruptly, as is his +wont; for we grant him a license, in virtue of his eccentricity, +which we should hardly expect to be claimed by a perfectly sound +Teacup. + +"That's the way,--that 's the way!" exclaimed he. "It's just the +same thing as my plan for teaching drawing." + +Some curiosity was shown among The Teacups to know what the queer +creature had got into his mind, and Number Five asked him, in her +irresistible tones, if he wouldn't oblige us by telling us all about +it. + +He looked at her a moment without speaking. I suppose he has often +been made fun of,--slighted in conversation, taken as a butt for +people who thought themselves witty, made to feel as we may suppose a +cracked piece of china-ware feels when it is clinked in the company +of sound bits of porcelain. I never saw him when he was carelessly +dealt with in conversation, --for it would sometimes happen, even at +our table, --without recalling some lines of Emerson which always +struck me as of wonderful force and almost terrible truthfulness:-- + + + "Alas! that one is born in blight, + Victim of perpetual slight + When thou lookest in his face + Thy heart saith, 'Brother, go thy ways + None shall ask thee what thou doest, + Or care a rush for what thou knowest, + Or listen when thou repliest, + Or remember where thou liest, + Or how thy supper is sodden;' + And another is born + To make the sun forgotten." + +Poor fellow! Number Seven has to bear a good deal in the way of +neglect and ridicule, I do not doubt. Happily, he is protected by an +amount of belief in himself which shields him from many assailants +who would torture a more sensitive nature. But the sweet voice of +Number Five and her sincere way of addressing him seemed to touch his +feelings. That was the meaning of his momentary silence, in which I +saw that his eyes glistened and a faint flush rose on his cheeks. In +a moment, however, as soon as he was on his hobby, he was all right, +and explained his new and ingenious system as follows: + +"A man at a certain distance appears as a dark spot,--nothing more. +Good. Anybody, man, woman, or child, can make a dot, say a period, +such as we use in writing. Lesson No. 1. Make a dot; that is, draw +your man, a mile off, if that is far enough. Now make him come a +little nearer, a few rods, say. The dot is an oblong figure now. +Good. Let your scholar draw the oblong figure. It is as easy as it +is to make a note of admiration. Your man comes nearer, and now some +hint of a bulbous enlargement at one end, and perhaps of lateral +appendages and a bifurcation, begins to show itself. The pupil sets +down with his pencil just what he sees,--no more. So by degrees the +man who serves as model approaches. A bright pupil will learn to get +the outline of a human figure in ten lessons, the model coming five +hundred feet nearer each time. A dull one may require fifty, the +model beginning a mile off, or more, and coming a hundred feet nearer +at each move." + +The company were amused by all this, but could not help seeing that +there was a certain practical possibility about the scheme. Our two +Annexes, as we call then, appeared to be interested in the project, +or fancy, or whim, or whatever the older heads might consider it. +"I guess I'll try it," said the American Annex. "Quite so," answered +the English Annex. Why the first girl "guessed" about her own +intentions it is hard to say. What "quite so" referred to it would +not be easy to determine. But these two expressions would decide the +nationality of our two young ladies if we met them on the top of the +great Pyramid. + +I was very glad that Number Seven had interrupted me. In fact, it is +a good thing once in a while to break in upon the monotony of a +steady talker at a dinner-table, tea-table, or any other place of +social converse. The best talker is liable to become the most +formidable of bores. It is a peculiarity of the bore that he is the +last person to find himself out. Many a terebrant I have known who, +in that capacity, to borrow a line from Coleridge, + + "Was great, nor knew how great he was." + +A line, by the way, which, as I have remarked, has in it a germ like +that famous "He builded better than he knew" of Emerson. + +There was a slight lull in the conversation. The Mistress, who keeps +an eye on the course of things, and feared that one of those panic +silences was impending, in which everybody wants to say something and +does not know just what to say, begged me to go on with my remarks +about the "manufacture" of "poetry." + +You use the right term, madam, I said. The manufacture of that +article has become an extensive and therefore an important branch of +industry. One must be an editor, which I am not, or a literary +confidant of a wide circle of correspondents, which I am, to have any +idea of the enormous output of verse which is characteristic of our +time. There are many curious facts connected with this phenomenon. +Educated people--yes, and many who are not educated--have discovered +that rhymes are not the private property of a few noted writers who, +having squatted on that part of the literary domain some twenty or +forty or sixty years ago, have, as it were, fenced it in with their +touchy, barbed-wire reputations, and have come to regard it and cause +it to be regarded as their private property. The discovery having +been made that rhyme is not a paddock for this or that race-horse, +but a common, where every colt, pony, and donkey can range at will; +a vast irruption into that once-privileged inclosure has taken place. +The study of the great invasion is interesting. + +Poetry is commonly thought to he the language of emotion. On the +contrary, most of what is so called proves the absence of all +passionate excitement. It is a cold-blooded, haggard, anxious, +worrying hunt after rhymes which can be made serviceable, after +images which will be effective, after phrases which are sonorous; all +this under limitations which restrict the natural movements of fancy +and imagination. There is a secondary excitement in overcoming the +difficulties of rhythm and rhyme, no doubt, but this is not the +emotional heat excited by the subject of the "poet's" treatment. +True poetry, the best of it, is but the ashes of a burnt-out passion. +The flame was in the eye and in the cheek, the coals may be still +burning in the heart, but when we come to the words it leaves behind +it, a little warmth, a cinder or two just glimmering under the dead +gray ashes,--that is all we can look for. When it comes to the +manufactured article, one is surprised to find how well the metrical +artisans have learned to imitate the real thing. They catch all the +phrases of the true poet. They imitate his metrical forms as a mimic +copies the gait of the person he is representing. + +Now I am not going to abuse "these same metre ballad-mongers," for +the obvious reason that, as all The Teacups know, I myself belong to +the fraternity. I don't think that this reason should hinder my +having my say about the ballad-mongering business. For the last +thirty years I have been in the habit of receiving a volume of poems +or a poem, printed or manuscript--I will not say daily, though I +sometimes receive more than one in a day, but at very short +intervals. I have been consulted by hundreds of writers of verse as +to the merit of their performances, and have often advised the +writers to the best of my ability. Of late I have found it +impossible to attempt to read critically all the literary +productions, in verse and in prose, which have heaped themselves on +every exposed surface of my library, like snowdrifts along the +railroad tracks,--blocking my literary pathway, so that I can hardly +find my daily papers. + +What is the meaning of this rush into rhyming of such a multitude of +people, of all ages, from the infant phenomenon to the oldest +inhabitant? + +Many of my young correspondents have told me in so many words, +"I want to be famous." Now it is true that of all the short cuts to +fame, in time of peace, there is none shorter than the road paved +with rhymes. Byron woke up one morning and found himself famous. +Still more notably did Rouget de l'Isle fill the air of France, nay, +the whole atmosphere of freedom all the world over, with his name +wafted on the wings of the Marseillaise, the work of a single night. +But if by fame the aspirant means having his name brought before and +kept before the public, there is a much cheaper way of acquiring that +kind of notoriety. Have your portrait taken as a "Wonderful Cure of +a Desperate Disease given up by all the Doctors." You will get a +fair likeness of yourself and a partial biographical notice, and have +the satisfaction, if not of promoting the welfare of the community, +at least that of advancing the financial interests of the benefactor +whose enterprise has given you your coveted notoriety. If a man +wants to be famous, he had much better try the advertising doctor +than the terrible editor, whose waste-basket is a maw which is as +insatiable as the temporary stomach of Jack the Giant-killer. + +"You must not talk so," said Number Five. "I know you don't mean any +wrong to the true poets, but you might be thought to hold them cheap, +whereas you value the gift in others,--in yourself too, I rather +think. There are a great many women,--and some men,--who write in +verse from a natural instinct which leads them to that form of +expression. If you could peep into the portfolio of all the +cultivated women among your acquaintances, you would be surprised, I +believe, to see how many of them trust their thoughts and feelings to +verse which they never think of publishing, and much of which never +meets any eyes but their own. Don't be cruel to the sensitive +natures who find a music in the harmonies of rhythm and rhyme which +soothes their own souls, if it reaches no farther." + +I was glad that Number Five spoke up as she did. Her generous +instinct came to the rescue of the poor poets just at the right +moment. Not that I meant to deal roughly with them, but the "poets" +I have been forced into relation with have impressed me with certain +convictions which are not flattering to the fraternity, and if my +judgments are not accompanied by my own qualifications, distinctions, +and exceptions, they may seem harsh to many readers. + + +Let me draw a picture which many a young man and woman, and some no +longer young, will recognize as the story of their own experiences. + + +--He is sitting alone with his own thoughts and memories. What is +that book he is holding? Something precious, evidently, for it is +bound in "tree calf," and there is gilding enough about it for a +birthday present. The reader seems to be deeply absorbed in its +contents, and at times greatly excited by what he reads; for his face +is flushed, his eyes glitter, and--there rolls a large tear down his +cheek. Listen to him; he is reading aloud in impassioned tones: + + And have I coined my soul in words for naught? + And must I, with the dim, forgotten throng + Of silent ghosts that left no earthly trace + To show they once had breathed this vital air, + Die out, of mortal memories? + +His voice is choked by his emotion. "How is it possible," he says to +himself, "that any one can read my 'Gaspings for Immortality' without +being impressed by their freshness, their passion, their beauty, +their originality?" Tears come to his relief freely,--so freely that +be has to push the precious volume out of the range of their +blistering shower. Six years ago "Gaspings for Immortality " was +published, advertised, praised by the professionals whose business it +is to boost their publishers' authors. A week and more it was seen +on the counters of the booksellers and at the stalls in the railroad +stations. Then it disappeared from public view. A few copies still +kept their place on the shelves of friends, --presentation copies, of +course, as there is no evidence that any were disposed of by sale; +and now, one might as well ask for the lost books of Livy as inquire +at a bookstore for "Gaspings for Immortality." + +The authors of these poems are all round us, men and women, and no +one with a fair amount of human sympathy in his disposition would +treat them otherwise than tenderly. Perhaps they do not need tender +treatment. How do you know that posterity may not resuscitate these +seemingly dead poems, and give their author the immortality for which +he longed and labored? It is not every poet who is at once +appreciated. Some will tell you that the best poets never are. Who +can say that you, dear unappreciated brother or sister, are not one +of those whom it is left for after times to discover among the wrecks +of the past, and hold up to the admiration of the world? + +I have not thought it necessary to put in all the interpellations, as +the French call them, which broke the course of this somewhat +extended series of remarks; but the comments of some of The Teacups +helped me to shape certain additional observations, and may seem to +the reader as of more significance than what I had been saying. + +Number Seven saw nothing but the folly and weakness of the "rhyming +cranks," as he called them. He thought the fellow that I had +described as blubbering over his still-born poems would have been +better occupied in earning his living in some honest way or other. +He knew one chap that published a volume of verses, and let his wife +bring up the wood for the fire by which he was writing. A fellow +says, "I am a poet!" and he thinks himself different from common +folks. He ought to be excused from military service. He might be +killed, and the world would lose the inestimable products of his +genius. "I believe some of 'em think," said Number Seven, "that they +ought not to be called upon to pay their taxes and their bills for +household expenses, like the rest of us." + +"If they would only study and take to heart Horace's 'Ars Poetica,'" +said the Professor, "it would be a great benefit to them and to the +world at large. I would not advise you to follow him too literally, +of course, for, as you will see, the changes that have taken place +since his time would make some of his precepts useless and some +dangerous, but the spirit of them is always instructive. This is the +way, somewhat modernized and accompanied by my running commentary, in +which he counsels a young poet: + +"'Don't try to write poetry, my boy, when you are not in the mood for +doing it,--when it goes against the grain. You are a fellow of +sense,--you understand all that. + +"'If you have written anything which you think well of, show it to +Mr.______ , the well-known critic; to "the governor," as you call +him, --your honored father; and to me, your friend.' + +"To the critic is well enough, if you like to be overhauled and put +out of conceit with yourself,--it may do you good; but I wouldn't go +to 'the governor' with my verses, if I were you. For either he will +think what you have written is something wonderful, almost as good as +he could have written himself,--in fact, he always did believe in +hereditary genius,--or he will pooh-pooh the whole rhyming nonsense, +and tell you that you had a great deal better stick to your business, +and leave all the word-jingling to Mother Goose and her followers. + +"'Show me your verses,' says Horace. Very good it was in him, and +mighty encouraging the first counsel he gives! 'Keep your poem to +yourself for some eight or ten years; you will have time to look it +over, to correct it and make it fit to present to the public.' + +"'Much obliged for your advice,' says the poor poet, thirsting for a +draught of fame, and offered a handful of dust. And off he hurries +to the printer, to be sure that his poem comes out in the next number +of the magazine he writes for." + + +"Is not poetry the natural language of lovers?" + +It was the Tutor who asked this question, and I thought he looked in +the direction of Number Five, as if she might answer his question. +But Number Five stirred her tea devotedly; there was a lump of sugar, +I suppose, that acted like a piece of marble. So there was a silence +while the lump was slowly dissolving, and it was anybody's chance who +saw fit to take up the conversation. + +The voice that broke the silence was not the sweet, winsome one we +were listening for, but it instantly arrested the attention of the +company. It was the grave, manly voice of one used to speaking, and +accustomed to be listened to with deference. This was the first time +that the company as a whole had heard it, for the speaker was the +new-comer who has been repeatedly alluded to,--the one of whom I +spoke as "the Counsellor." + +"I think I can tell you something about that," said the Counsellor. +"I suppose you will wonder how a man of my profession can know or +interest himself about a question so remote from his arid pursuits. +And yet there is hardly one man in a thousand who knows from actual +experience a fraction of what I have learned of the lovers' +vocabulary in my professional experience. I have, I am sorry to say, +had to take an important part in a great number of divorce cases. +These have brought before me scores and hundreds of letters, in which +every shade of the great passion has been represented. What has most +struck me in these amatory correspondences has been their remarkable +sameness. It seems as if writing love-letters reduced all sorts of +people to the same level. I don't remember whether Lord Bacon has +left us anything in that line,--unless, indeed, he wrote Romeo and +Juliet' and the 'Sonnets;' but if he has, I don't believe they differ +so very much from those of his valet or his groom to their respective +lady-loves. It is always, My darling! my darling! The words of +endearment are the only ones the lover wants to employ, and he finds +the vocabulary too limited for his vast desires. So his letters are +apt to be rather tedious except to the personage to whom they are +addressed. As to poetry, it is very common to find it in love- +letters, especially in those that have no love in them. The letters +of bigamists and polygamists are rich in poetical extracts. +Occasionally, an original spurt in rhyme adds variety to an otherwise +monotonous performance. I don't think there is much passion in men's +poetry addressed to women. I agree with The Dictator that poetry is +little more than the ashes of passion; still it may show that the +flame has had its sweep where you find it, unless, indeed, it is +shoveled in from another man's fireplace." + +"What do you say to the love poetry of women?" asked the Professor. +"Did ever passion heat words to incandescence as it did those of +Sappho?" + +The Counsellor turned,--not to Number Five, as he ought to have done, +according to my programme, but to the Mistress. + +"Madam," he said, "your sex is adorable in many ways, but in the +abandon of a genuine love-letter it is incomparable. I have seen a +string of women's love-letters, in which the creature enlaced herself +about the object of her worship as that South American parasite which +clasps the tree to which it has attached itself, begins with a +slender succulent network, feeds on the trunk, spreads its fingers +out to hold firmly to one branch after another, thickens, hardens, +stretches in every direction, following the boughs,--and at length +gets strong enough to hold in its murderous arms, high up in air, the +stump and shaft of the once sturdy growth that was its support and +subsistence." + +The Counsellor did not say all this quite so formally as I have set +it down here, but in a much easier way. In fact, it is impossible to +smooth out a conversation from memory without stiffening it; you +can't have a dress shirt look quite right without starching the +bosom. + +Some of us would have liked to hear more about those letters in the +divorce cases, but the Counsellor had to leave the table. He +promised to show us some pictures he has of the South American +parasite. I have seen them, and I can assure you they are very +curious. + +The following verses were found in the urn, or sugar-bowl. + + CACOETHES SCRIBENDI. + + If all the trees in all the woods were men, + And each and every blade of grass a pen; + If every leaf on every shrub and tree + Turned to a sheet of foolscap; every sea + Were changed to ink, and all earth's living tribes + Had nothing else to do but act as scribes, + And for ten thousand ages, day and night, + The human race should write, and write, and write, + Till all the pens and paper were used up, + And the huge inkstand was an empty cup, + Still would the scribblers clustered round its brim + Call for more pens, more paper, and more ink. + + + + +V + +"Dolce, ma non troppo dolce," said the Professor to the Mistress, who +was sweetening his tea. She always sweetens his and mine for us. He +has been attending a series of concerts, and borrowed the form of the +directions to the orchestra. "Sweet, but not too sweet," he said, +translating the Italian for the benefit of any of the company who +might not be linguists or musical experts. + +"Do you go to those musical hullabaloos?" called out Number Seven. +There was something very much like rudeness in this question and the +tone in which it was asked. But we are used to the outbursts, and +extravagances, and oddities of Number Seven, and do not take offence +at his rough speeches as we should if any other of the company +uttered them. + +"If you mean the concerts that have been going on this season, yes, I +do," said the Professor, in a bland, good-humored way. + +"And do you take real pleasure in the din of all those screeching and +banging and growling instruments?" + +"Yes," he answered, modestly, "I enjoy she brouhaha, if you choose to +consider it such, of all this quarrelsome menagerie of noise-making +machines, brought into order and harmony by the presiding genius, the +leader, who has made a happy family of these snarling stringed +instruments and whining wind instruments, so that although + + Linguae centum sent, oraque centum, + +notwithstanding there are a hundred vibrating tongues and a hundred +bellowing mouths, their one grand blended and harmonized uproar sets +all my fibres tingling with a not unpleasing tremor." + +"Do you understand it? Do you take any idea from it? Do you know +what it all means?" said Number Seven. + +The Professor was long-suffering under this series of somewhat +peremptory questions. He replied very placidly, "I am afraid I have +but a superficial outside acquaintance with the secrets, the +unfathomable mysteries, of music. I can no more conceive of the +working conditions of the great composer, + + 'Untwisting all the chains that tie + The hidden soul of harmony,' + +than a child of three years can follow the reasonings of Newton's +'Principia.' I do not even pretend that I can appreciate the work of +a great master as a born and trained musician does. Still, I do love +a great crash of harmonies, and the oftener I listen to these musical +tempests the higher my soul seems to ride upon them, as the wild fowl +I see through my window soar more freely and fearlessly the fiercer +the storm with which they battle." + +"That's all very well," said Number Seven, "but I wish we could get +the old-time music back again. You ought to have heard,--no, I won't +mention her, dead, poor girl,--dead and singing with the saints in +heaven,--but the S_____ girls. If you could have heard them as I did +when I was a boy, you would have cried, as we all used to. Do you +cry at those great musical smashes? How can you cry when you don't +know what it is all about? We used to think the words meant +something,--we fancied that Burns and Moore said some things very +prettily. I suppose you've outgrown all that." + +No one can handle Number Seven in one of his tantrums half so well as +Number Five can do it. She can pick out what threads of sense may be +wound off from the tangle of his ideas when they are crowded and +confused, as they are apt to be at times. She can soften the +occasional expression of half-concealed ridicule with which the poor +old fellow's sallies are liable to be welcomed--or unwelcomed. She +knows that the edge of a broken teacup may be sharper, very possibly, +than that of a philosopher's jackknife. A mind a little off its +balance, one which has a slightly squinting brain as its organ; will +often prove fertile in suggestions. Vulgar, cynical, contemptuous +listeners fly at all its weaknesses, and please themselves with +making light of its often futile ingenuities, when a wiser audience +would gladly accept a hint which perhaps could be developed in some +profitable direction, or so interpret an erratic thought that it +should prove good sense in disguise. That is the way Number Five was +in the habit of dealing with the explosions of Number Seven. Do you +think she did not see the ridiculous element in a silly speech, or +the absurdity of an outrageously extravagant assertion? Then you +never heard her laugh when she could give way to her sense of the +ludicrous without wounding the feelings of any other person. But her +kind heart never would forget itself, and so Number Seven had a +champion who was always ready to see that his flashes of +intelligence, fitful as they were, and liable to be streaked with +half-crazy fancies, always found one willing recipient of what light +there was in them. + +Number Five, I have found, is a true lover of music, and has a right +to claim a real knowledge of its higher and deeper mysteries. But +she accepted very cordially what our light-headed companion said +about the songs he used to listen to. + +"There is no doubt," she remarked," that the tears which used to be +shed over 'Oft in the sully night,' or 'Auld Robin Gray,' or 'A place +in thy memory, dearest,' were honest tears, coming from the true +sources of emotion. There was no affectation about them; those songs +came home to the sensibilities of young people,--of all who had any +sensibilities to be acted upon. And on the other hand, there is a +great amount of affectation in the apparent enthusiasm of many +persons in admiring and applauding music of which they have not the +least real appreciation. They do not know whether it is good or bad, +the work of a first-rate or a fifth-rate composer; whether there are +coherent elements in it, or whether it is nothing more than 'a +concourse of sweet sounds' with no organic connections. One must be +educated, no doubt, to understand the more complex and difficult +kinds of musical composition. Go to the great concerts where you +know that the music is good, and that you ought to like it whether +you do or not. Take a music-bath once or twice a week for a few +seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water-bath +is to the body. I wouldn't trouble myself about the affectations of +people who go to this or that series of concerts chiefly because it +is fashionable. Some of these people whom we think so silly and hold +so cheap will perhaps find, sooner or later, that they have a dormant +faculty which is at last waking up,--and that they who came because +others came, and began by staring at the audience, are listening with +a newly found delight. Every one of us has a harp under bodice or +waistcoat, and if it can only once get properly strung and tuned it +will respond to all outside harmonies." + +The Professor has some ideas about music, which I believe he has +given to the world in one form or another; but the world is growing +old and forgetful, and needs to be reminded now and then of what one +has formerly told it. + +"I have had glimpses," the Professor said, "of the conditions into +which music is capable of bringing a sensitive nature. Glimpses, I +say, because I cannot pretend that I am capable of sounding all the +depths or reaching all the heights to which music may transport our +mortal consciousness. Let me remind you of a curious fact with +reference to the seat of the musical sense. Far down below the great +masses of thinking marrow and its secondary agents, just as the brain +is about to merge in the spinal cord, the roots of the nerve of +hearing spread their white filaments out into the sentient matter, +where they report what the external organs of hearing tell them. +This sentient matter is in remote connection only with the mental +organs, far more remote than the centres of the sense of vision and +that of smell. In a word, the musical faculty might be said to have +a little brain of its own. It has a special world and a private +language all to itself. How can one explain its significance to +those whose musical faculties are in a rudimentary state of +development, or who have never had them trained? Can you describe in +intelligible language the smell of a rose as compared with that of a +violet? No, -- music can be translated only by music. Just so far +as it suggests worded thought, it falls short of its highest office. +Pure emotional movements of the spiritual nature,--that is what I ask +of music. Music will be the universal language,--the Volapuk of +spiritual being." + +"Angels sit down with their harps and play at each other, I suppose," +said Number Seven. "Must have an atmosphere up there if they have +harps, or they wouldn't get any music. Wonder if angels breathe like +mortals? If they do, they must have lungs and air passages, of +course. Think of an angel with the influenza, and nothing but a +cloud for a handkerchief!" + +--This is a good instance of the way in which Number Seven's +squinting brain works. You will now and then meet just such brains +in heads you know very well. Their owners are much given to asking +unanswerable questions. A physicist may settle it for us whether +there is an atmosphere about a planet or not, but it takes a brain +with an extra fissure in it to ask these unexpected questions,-- +questions which the natural philosopher cannot answer, and which the +theologian never thinks of asking. + +The company at our table do not keep always in the same places. The +first thing I noticed, the other evening, was that the Tutor was +sitting between the two Annexes, and the Counsellor was next to +Number Five. Something ought to come of this arrangement. One of +those two young ladies must certainly captivate and perhaps capture +the Tutor. They are just the age to be falling in love and to be +fallen in love with. The Tutor is good looking, intellectual, +suspected of writing poetry, but a little shy, it appears to me. +I am glad to see him between the two girls. If there were only one, +she might be shy too, and then there would be less chance for a +romance such as I am on the lookout for; but these young persons lend +courage to each other, and between them, if he does not wake up like +Cymon at the sight of Iphigenia, I shall be disappointed. As for the +Counsellor and Number Five, they will soon find each other out. Yes, +it is all pretty clear in my mind,--except that there is always an x +in a problem where sentiments are involved. No, not so clear about +the Tutor. Predestined, I venture my guess, to one or the other, but +to which? I will suspend my opinion for the present. + +I have found out that the Counsellor is a childless widower. I am +told that the Tutor is unmarried, and so far as known not engaged. +There is no use in denying it,--a company without the possibility of +a love-match between two of its circle is like a champagne bottle +with the cork out for some hours as compared to one with its pop yet +in reserve. However, if there should be any love-making, it need not +break up our conversations. Most of it will be carried on away from +our tea-table. + +Some of us have been attending certain lectures on Egypt and its +antiquities. I have never been on the Nile. If in any future state +there shall be vacations in which we may have liberty to revisit our +old home, equipped with a complete brand-new set of mortal senses as +our travelling outfit, I think one of the first places I should go +to, after my birthplace, the old gambrel-roofed house,--the place +where it stood, rather, -- would be that mighty, awe-inspiring river. +I do not suppose we shall ever know half of what we owe to the wise +and wonderful people who confront us with the overpowering monuments +of a past which flows out of the unfathomable darkness as the great +river streams from sources even as yet but imperfectly explored. + +I have thought a good deal about Egypt, lately, with reference to our +historical monuments. How did the great unknown mastery who fixed +the two leading forms of their monumental records arrive at those +admirable and eternal types, the pyramid and the obelisk? How did +they get their model of the pyramid? + +Here is an hour-glass, not inappropriately filled with sand from the +great Egyptian desert. I turn it, and watch the sand as it +accumulates in the lower half of the glass. How symmetrically, how +beautifully, how inevitably, the little particles pile up the cone, +which is ever building and unbuilding itself, always aiming at the +stability which is found only at a certain fixed angle! The Egyptian +children playing in the sand must have noticed this as they let the +grains fall from their hands, and the sloping sides of the miniature +pyramid must have been among the familiar sights to the little boys +and girls for whom the sand furnished their earliest playthings. +Nature taught her children through the working of the laws of +gravitation how to build so that her forces should act in harmony +with art, to preserve the integrity of a structure meant to reach +a far-off posterity. The pyramid is only the cone in which Nature +arranges her heaped and sliding fragments; the cone with flattened +Surfaces, as it is prefigured in certain well-known crystalline +forms. The obelisk is from another of Nature's patterns; it is only +a gigantic acicular crystal. + +The Egyptians knew what a monument should be, simple, noble, durable. +It seems to me that we Americans might take a lesson from those early +architects. Our cemeteries are crowded with monuments which are very +far from simple, anything but noble, and stand a small chance of +being permanent. The pyramid is rarely seen, perhaps because it +takes up so much room; and when built on a small scale seems +insignificant as we think of it, dwarfed by the vast structures of +antiquity. The obelisk is very common, and when in just proportions +and of respectable dimensions is unobjectionable. + +But the gigantic obelisks like that on Bunker Hill, and especially +the Washington monument at the national capital, are open to critical +animadversion. Let us contrast the last mentioned of these great +piles with the obelisk as the Egyptian conceived and executed it. +The new Pharaoh ordered a memorial of some important personage or +event. In the first place, a mighty stone was dislodged from its +connections, and lifted, unbroken, from the quarry. This was a feat +from which our modern stone-workers shrink dismayed. The Egyptians +appear to have handled these huge monoliths as our artisans handle +hearthstones and doorsteps, for the land actually bristled with such +giant columns. They were shaped and finished as nicely as if they +were breastpins for the Titans to wear, and on their polished +surfaces were engraved in imperishable characters the records they +were erected to preserve. + +Europe and America borrow these noble productions of African art and +power, and find them hard enough to handle after they have succeeded +in transporting them to Rome, or London, or New York. Their +simplicity, grandeur, imperishability, speaking symbolism, shame all +the pretentious and fragile works of human art around them. The +obelisk has no joints for the destructive agencies of nature to +attack; the pyramid has no masses hanging in unstable equilibrium, +and threatening to fall by their own weight in the course of a +thousand or two years. + +America says the Father of his Country must have a monument worthy of +his exalted place in history. What shall it be? A temple such as +Athens might have been proud to rear upon her Acropolis? An obelisk +such as Thebes might have pointed out with pride to the strangers who +found admission through her hundred gates? After long meditation and +the rejection of the hybrid monstrosities with which the nation was +menaced, an obelisk is at last decided upon. How can it be made +grand and dignified enough to be equal to the office assigned it? We +dare not attempt to carve a single stone from the living rock,--all +our modern appliances fail to make the task as easy to us as it seems +to have been to the early Egyptians. No artistic skill is required +in giving a four-square tapering figure to a stone column. If we +cannot shape a solid obelisk of the proper dimensions, we can build +one of separate blocks. How can we give it the distinction we demand +for it? The nation which can brag that it has "the biggest show on +earth" cannot boast a great deal in the way of architecture, but it +can do one thing,--it can build an obelisk that shall be taller than +any structure now standing which the hand of man has raised. Build +an obelisk! How different the idea of such a structure from that of +the unbroken, unjointed prismatic shaft, one perfect whole, as +complete in itself, as fitly shaped and consolidated to defy the +elements, as the towering palm or the tapering pine! Well, we had +the satisfaction for a time of claiming the tallest structure in the +world; and now that the new Tower of Babel which has sprung up in +Paris has killed that pretention, I think we shall feel and speak +more modestly about our stone hyperbole, our materialization of the +American love of the superlative. We have the higher civilization +among us, and we must try to keep down the forth-putting instincts of +the lower. We do not want to see our national monument placarded as +"the greatest show on earth," --perhaps it is well that it is taken +down from that bad eminence. + +I do not think that this speech of mine was very well received. It +appeared to jar somewhat on the nerves of the American Annex. There +was a smile on the lips of the other Annex,--the English girl,--which +she tried to keep quiet, but it was too plain that she enjoyed my +diatribe. + +It must be remembered that I and the other Teacups, in common with +the rest of our fellow-citizens, have had our sensibilities greatly +worked upon, our patriotism chilled, our local pride outraged, by the +monstrosities which have been allowed to deform our beautiful public +grounds. We have to be very careful in conducting a visitor, say +from his marble-fronted hotel to the City Hall. --Keep pretty +straight along after entering the Garden,--you will not care to +inspect the little figure of the military gentleman to your right. -- +Yes, the Cochituate water is drinkable, but I think I would not turn +aside to visit that small fabric which makes believe it is a temple, +and is a weak-eyed fountain feebly weeping over its own +insignificance. About that other stone misfortune, cruelly reminding +us of the "Boston Massacre," we will not discourse; it is not +imposing, and is rarely spoken of. + +What a mortification to the inhabitants of a city with some +hereditary and contemporary claims to cultivation; which has noble +edifices, grand libraries, educational institutions of the highest +grade, an art-gallery filled with the finest models and rich in +paintings and statuary,--a stately city that stretches both arms +across the Charles to clasp the hands of Harvard, her twin-sister, +each lending lustre to the other like double stars,--what a pity that +she should be so disfigured by crude attempts to adorn her and +commemorate her past that her most loving children blush for her +artificial deformities amidst the wealth of her natural beauties! +One hardly knows which to groan over most sadly,--the tearing down of +old monuments, the shelling of the Parthenon, the overthrow of the +pillared temples of Rome, and in a humbler way the destruction of the +old Hancock house, or the erection of monuments which are to be a +perpetual eyesore to ourselves and our descendants. + +We got talking on the subject of realism, of which so much has been +said of late. + +It seems to me, I said, that the great additions which have been made +by realism to the territory of literature consist largely in swampy, +malarious, ill-smelling patches of soil which had previously been +left to reptiles and vermin. It is perfectly easy to be original by +violating the laws of decency and the canons of good taste. The +general consent of civilized people was supposed to have banished +certain subjects from the conversation of well-bred people and the +pages of respectable literature. There is no subject, or hardly any, +which may not be treated of at the proper time, in the proper place, +by the fitting person, for the right kind of listener or reader. But +when the poet or the story-teller invades the province of the man of +science, he is on dangerous ground. I need say nothing of the +blunders he is pretty sure to make. The imaginative writer is after +effects. The scientific man is after truth. Science is decent, +modest; does not try to startle, but to instruct. The same scenes +and objects which outrage every sense of delicacy in the story +teller's highly colored paragraphs can be read without giving offence +in the chaste language of the physiologist or the physician. + +There is a very celebrated novel, "Madame Bovary," the work of M. +Flaubert, which is noted for having been the subject of prosecution +as an immoral work. That it has a serious lesson there is no doubt, +if one will drink down to the bottom of the cup. But the honey of +sensuous description is spread so deeply over the surface of the +goblet that a large proportion of its readers never think of its +holding anything else. All the phases of unhallowed passion are +described in full detail. That is what the book is bought and read +for, by the great majority of its purchasers, as all but simpletons +very well know. That is what makes it sell and brought it into the +courts of justice. This book is famous for its realism; in fact, it +is recognized as one of the earliest and most brilliant examples of +that modern style of novel which, beginning where Balzac left off, +attempted to do for literature what the photograph has done for art. +For those who take the trouble to drink out of the cup below the rim +of honey, there is a scene where realism is carried to its extreme, +--surpassed in horror by no writer, unless it be the one whose name +must be looked for at the bottom of the alphabet, as if its natural +place were as low down in the dregs of realism as it could find +itself. This is the death-bed scene, where Madame Bovary expires in +convulsions. The author must have visited the hospitals for the +purpose of watching the terrible agonies he was to depict, tramping +from one bed to another until he reached the one where the cries and +contortions were the most frightful. Such a scene he has reproduced. +No hospital physician would have pictured the straggle in such +colors. In the same way, that other realist, M. Zola, has painted a +patient suffering from delirium tremens, the disease known to common +speech as "the horrors." In describing this case he does all that +language can do to make it more horrible than the reality. He gives +us, not realism, but super-realism, if such a term does not +contradict itself. + +In this matter of the literal reproduction of sights and scenes which +our natural instinct and our better informed taste and judgment teach +us to avoid, art has been far in advance of literature. It is three +hundred years since Joseph Ribera, more commonly known as +Spagnoletto, was born in the province Valencia, in Spain. We had the +misfortune of seeing a painting of his in a collection belonging to +one of the French princes, and exhibited at the Art Museum. It was +that of a man performing upon himself the operation known to the +Japanese as hararkiri. Many persons who looked upon this revolting +picture will never get rid of its remembrance, and will regret the +day when their eyes fell upon it. I should share the offence of the +painter if I ventured to describe it. Ribera was fond of depicting +just such odious and frightful subjects. "Saint Lawrence writhing on +his gridiron, Saint Sebastian full of arrows, were equally a source +of delight to him. Even in subjects which had no such elements of +horror he finds the materials for the delectation of his ferocious +pencil; he makes up for the defect by rendering with a brutal realism +deformity and ugliness." + +The first great mistake made by the ultra-realists; like Flaubert and +Zola, is, as I have said, their ignoring the line of distinction +between imaginative art and science. We can find realism enough in +books of anatomy, surgery, and medicine. In studying the human +figure, we want to see it clothed with its natural integuments. It +is well for the artist to study the ecorche in the dissecting-room, +but we do not want the Apollo or the Venus to leave their skins +behind them when they go into the gallery for exhibition. Lancisi's +figures show us how the great statues look when divested of their +natural covering. It is instructive, but useful chiefly as a means +to aid in the true artistic reproduction of nature. When the, +hospitals are invaded by the novelist, he should learn something from +the physician as well as from the patients. Science delineates in +monochrome. She never uses high tints and strontian lights to +astonish lookers-on. Such scenes as Flaubert and Zola describe would +be reproduced in their essential characters, but not dressed up in +picturesque phrases. That is the first stumbling-block in the way of +the reader of such realistic stories as those to which I have +referred. There are subjects which must be investigated by +scientific men which most educated persons would be glad to know +nothing about. When a realistic writer like Zola surprises his +reader into a kind of knowledge he never thought of wishing for, he +sometimes harms him more than he has any idea of doing. He wants to +produce a sensation, and he leaves a permanent disgust not to he got +rid of. Who does not remember odious images that can never be washed +out from the consciousness which they have stained? A man's +vocabulary is terribly retentive of evil words, and the images they +present cling to his memory and will not loose their hold. One who +has had the mischance to soil his mind by reading certain poems of +Swift will never cleanse it to its original whiteness. Expressions +and thoughts of a certain character stain the fibre of the thinking +organ, and in some degree affect the hue of every idea that passes +through the discolored tissues. + +This is the gravest accusation to bring against realism, old or +recent, whether in the brutal paintings of Spagnoletto or in the +unclean revelations of Zola. Leave the description of the drains and +cesspools to the hygienic specialist, the painful facts of disease to +the physician, the details of the laundry to the washerwoman. If we +are to have realism in its tedious descriptions of unimportant +particulars, let it be of particulars which do not excite disgust. +Such is the description of the vegetables in Zola's "Ventre de +Paris," where, if one wishes to see the apotheosis of turnips, beets, +and cabbages, he can find them glorified as supremely as if they had +been symbols of so many deities; their forms, their colors, their +expression, worked upon until they seem as if they were made to be +looked at and worshipped rather than to be boiled and eaten. + +I am pleased to find a French critic of M. Flaubert expressing ideas +with which many of my own entirely coincide. "The great mistake of +the realists, " he says, "is that they profess to tell the truth +because they tell everything. This puerile hunting after details, +this cold and cynical inventory of all the wretched conditions in the +midst of which poor humanity vegetates, not only do not help us to +understand it better, but, on the contrary, the effect on the +spectators is a kind of dazzled confusion mingled with fatigue and +disgust. The material truthfulness to which the school of M. +Flaubert more especially pretends misses its aim in going beyond it. +Truth is lost in its own excess." + +I return to my thoughts on the relations of imaginative art in all +its forms with science. The subject which in the hands of the +scientific student is handled decorously,--reverently, we might +almost say,--becomes repulsive, shameful, and debasing in the +unscrupulous manipulations of the low-bred man of letters. + +I confess that I am a little jealous of certain tendencies in our own +American literature, which led one of the severest and most outspoken +of our satirical fellow-countrymen, no longer living to be called to +account for it, to say; in a moment of bitterness, that the mission +of America was to vulgarize mankind. I myself have sometimes +wondered at the pleasure some Old World critics have professed to +find in the most lawless freaks of New World literature. I have +questioned whether their delight was not like that of the Spartans in +the drunken antics of their Helots. But I suppose I belong to +another age, and must not attempt to judge the present by my old- +fashioned standards. + +The company listened very civilly to these remarks, whether they +agreed with them or not. I am not sure that I want all the young +people to think just as I do in matters of critical judgment. New +wine does not go well into old bottles, but if an old cask has held +good wine, it may improve a crude juice to stand awhile upon the lees +of that which once filled it. + +I thought the company had had about enough of this disquisition. +They listened very decorously, and the Professor, who agrees very +well with me, as I happen to know, in my views on this business of +realism, thanked me for giving them the benefit of my opinion. + +The silence that followed was broken by Number Seven's suddenly +exclaiming,-- + +"I should like to boss creation for a week!" + +This expression was an outbreak suggested by some train of thought +which Number Seven had been following while I was discoursing. I do +not think one of the company looked as if he or she were shocked by +it as an irreligious or even profane speech. It is a better way +always, in dealing with one of those squinting brains, to let it +follow out its own thought. It will keep to it for a while; then it +will quit the rail, so to speak, and run to any side-track which may +present itself. + +"What is the first thing you would do?" asked Number Five in a +pleasant, easy way. + +"The first thing? Pick out a few thousand of the best specimens of +the best races, and drown the rest like so many blind puppies." + +"Why," said she, "that was tried once, and does not seem to have +worked very well." + +"Very likely. You mean Noah's flood, I suppose. More people +nowadays, and a better lot to pick from than Noah had." + +"Do tell us whom you would take with you," said Number Five. + +"You, if you would go," he answered, and I thought I saw a slight +flush on his cheek. "But I didn't say that I should go aboard the +new ark myself. I am not sure that I should. No, I am pretty sure +that I shouldn't. I don't believe, on the whole, it would pay me to +save myself. I ain't of much account. But I could pick out some +that were." + +And just now he was saying that he should like to boss the universe! +All this has nothing very wonderful about it. Every one of us is +subject to alternations of overvaluation and undervaluation of +ourselves. Do you not remember soliloquies something like this? +"Was there ever such a senseless, stupid creature as I am? How have +I managed to keep so long out of the idiot asylum? Undertook to +write a poem, and stuck fast at the first verse. Had a call from a +friend who had just been round the world. Did n't ask him one word +about what he had seen or heard, but gave him full details of my +private history, I having never been off my own hearth-rug for more +than an hour or two at a time, while he was circumnavigating and +circumrailroading the globe. Yes, if anybody can claim the title, I +am certainly the prize idiot." I am afraid that we all say such +things as this to ourselves at times. Do we not use more emphatic +words than these in our self-depreciation? I cannot say how it is +with others, but my vocabulary of self-reproach and humiliation is so +rich in energetic expressions that I should be sorry to have an +interviewer present at an outburst of one of its raging geysers, its +savage soliloquies. A man is a kind of inverted thermometer, the +bulb uppermost, and the column of self-valuation is all the time +going up and down. Number Seven is very much like other people in +this respect,--very much like you and me. + +This train of reflections must not carry me away from Number Seven. + +"If I can't get a chance to boss this planet for a week or so," he +began again, "I think 1 could write its history,--yes, the history of +the world, in less compass than any one who has tried it so far." + +"You know Sir Walter Raleigh's 'History of the World,' of course?" +said the Professor. + +"More or less,--more or less," said Number Seven prudently. "But I +don't care who has written it before me. I will agree to write the +story of two worlds, this and the next, in such a compact way that +you can commit them both ,to memory in less time than you can learn +the answer to the first question in the Catechism." + +What he had got into his head we could not guess, but there was no +little curiosity to discover the particular bee which was buzzing in +his bonnet. He evidently enjoyed our curiosity, and meant to keep us +waiting awhile before revealing the great secret. + +"How many words do you think I shall want?" + +It is a formula, I suppose, I said, and I will grant you a hundred +words. + +"Twenty," said the Professor. "That was more than the wise men of +Greece wanted for their grand utterances." + +The two Annexes whispered together, and the American Annex gave their +joint result. One thousand was the number they had fixed on. They +were used to hearing lectures, and could hardly conceive that any +subject could be treated without taking up a good part of an hour. + +"Less than ten," said Number Five. "If there are to be more than +ten, I don't believe that Number Seven would think the surprise would +be up to our expectations." + +"Guess as much as you like," said Number Seven. + +"The answer will keep. I don't mean to say what it is until we are +ready to leave the table." He took a blank card from his pocket-book, +wrote something on it, or appeared, at any rate, to write, and handed +it, face down, to the Mistress. What was on the card will be found +near the end of this paper. I wonder if anybody will be curious +enough to look further along to find out what it was before she reads +the next paragraph? + +In the mean time there is a train of thought suggested by Number +Seven and his whims. If you want to know how to account for +yourself, study the characters of your relations. All of our brains +squint more or less. There is not one in a hundred, certainly, that +does not sometimes see things distorted by double refraction, out of +plumb or out of focus, or with colors which do not belong to it, or +in some way betraying that the two halves of the brain are not acting +in harmony with each other. You wonder at the eccentricities of this +or that connection of your own. Watch yourself, and you will find +impulses which, but for the restraints you put upon them, would make +you do the same foolish things which you laugh at in that cousin of +yours. I once lived in the same house with the near relative of a +very distinguished person, whose name is still honored and revered +among us. His brain was an active one, like that of his famous +relative, but it was full of random ideas, unconnected trains of +thought, whims, crotchets, erratic suggestions. Knowing him, I could +interpret the mental characteristics of the whole family connection +in the light of its exaggerated peculiarities as exhibited in my odd +fellow-boarder. Squinting brains are a great deal more common than +we should at first sight believe. Here is a great book, a solid +octavo of five hundred pages, full of the vagaries of this class of +organizations. I hope to refer to this work hereafter, but just now +I will only say that, after reading till one is tired the strange +fancies of the squarers of the circle, the inventors of perpetual +motion, and the rest of the moonstruck dreamers, most persons will +confess to themselves that they have had notions as wild, conceptions +as extravagant, theories as baseless, as the least rational of those +which are here recorded. + +Some day I want to talk about my library. It is such a curious +collection of old and new books, such a mosaic of learning and +fancies and follies, that a glance over it would interest the +company. Perhaps I may hereafter give you a talk abut books, but +while I am saying a few passing words upon the subject the greatest +bibliographical event that ever happened in the book-market of the +New World is taking place under our eyes. Here is Mr. Bernard +Quaritch just come from his well-known habitat, No. 15 Piccadilly, +with such a collection of rare, beautiful, and somewhat expensive +volumes as the Western Continent never saw before on the shelves of a +bibliopole. + +We bookworms are all of us now and then betrayed into an +extravagance. The keen tradesmen who tempt us are like the fishermen +who dangle a minnow, a frog, or a worm before the perch or pickerel +who may be on the lookout for his breakfast. But Mr. Quaritch comes +among us like that formidable angler of whom it is said, + + His hook he baited with a dragon's tail, + And sat upon a rock and bobbed for whale. + +The two catalogues which herald his coming are themselves interesting +literary documents. One can go out with a few shillings in his +pocket, and venture among the books of the first of these catalogues +without being ashamed to show himself with no larger furnishing of +the means for indulging his tastes,--he will find books enough at +comparatively modest prices. But if one feels very rich, so rich that +it requires a good deal to frighten him, let him take the other +catalogue and see how many books he proposes to add to his library at +the prices affixed. Here is a Latin Psalter with the Canticles, from +the press of Fust and Schoeffer, the second book issued from their +press, the second book printed with a date, that date being 1459. +There are only eight copies of this work known to exist; you can have +one of them, if so disposed, and if you have change enough in your +pocket. Twenty-six thousand two hundred and fifty dollars will make +you the happy owner of this precious volume. If this is more than +you want to pay, you can have the Gold Gospels of Henry VIII., on +purple vellum, for about half the money. There are pages on pages of +titles of works any one of which would be a snug little property if +turned into money at its catalogue price. + +Why will not our multimillionaires look over this catalogue of Mr. +Quaritch, and detain some of its treasures on this side of the +Atlantic for some of our public libraries? We decant the choicest +wines of Europe into our cellars; we ought to be always decanting the +precious treasures of her libraries and galleries into our own, as we +have opportunity and means. As to the means, there are so many rich +people who hardly know what to do with their money that it is well to +suggest to them any new useful end to which their superfluity may +contribute. I am not in alliance with Mr. Quaritch; in fact, I am +afraid of him, for if I stayed a single hour in his library, where I +never was but once, and then for fifteen minutes only, I should leave +it so much poorer than I entered it that I should be reminded of the +picture in the titlepage of Fuller's "Historie of the Holy Warre: +"We went out full. We returned empty." + +--After the teacups were all emptied, the card containing Number +Seven's abridged history of two worlds, this and the next, was handed +round. + +This was all it held: + +After all had looked at it, it was passed back to me. "Let The +Dictator interpret it," they all said. + +This is what I announced as my interpretation: + +Two worlds, the higher and the lower, separated by the thinnest of +partitions. The lower world is that of questions; the upper world is +that of answers. Endless doubt and unrest here below; wondering, +admiring, adoring certainty above. --Am I not right? + +"You are right," answered Number Seven solemnly. "That is my +revelation." + +The following poem was found in the sugar-bowl. + +I read it to the company. There was much whispering and there were +many conjectures as to its authorship, but every Teacup looked +innocent, and we separated each with his or her private conviction. +I had mine, but I will not mention it. + + + THE ROSE AND THE FERN. + +Lady, life's sweetest lesson wouldst thou learn, +Come thou with me to Love's enchanted bower: +High overhead the trellised roses burn; +Beneath thy feet behold the feathery fern, +A leaf without a flower. + +What though the rose leaves fall? They still are sweet, +And have been lovely in their beauteous prime, +While the bare frond seems ever to repeat, +"For us no bud, no blossom, wakes to greet +The joyous flowering time!" + +Heed thou the lesson. Life has leaves to tread +And flowers to cherish; summer round thee glows; +Wait not till autumn's fading robes are shed, +But while its petals still are burning red +Gather life's full-blown rose! + + + + +VI + +Of course the reading of the poem at the end of the last paper has +left a deep impression. I strongly suspect that something very much +like love-making is going on at our table. A peep under the lid of +the sugar-bowl has shown me that there is another poem ready for the +company. That receptacle is looked upon with an almost tremulous +excitement by more than one of The Teacups. The two Annexes turn +towards the mystic urn as if the lots which were to determine their +destiny were shut up in it. Number Five, quieter, and not betraying +more curiosity than belongs to the sex at all ages, glances at the +sugarbowl now and then; looking so like a clairvoyant, that sometimes +I cannot help thinking she must be one. There is a sly look about +that young Doctor's eyes, which might imply that he knows something +about what the silver vessel holds, or is going to hold. The Tutor +naturally falls under suspicion, as he is known to have written and +published poems. I suppose the Professor and myself have hardly been +suspected of writing love-poems; but there is no telling,--there is +no telling. Why may not some one of the lady Teacups have played the +part of a masculine lover? George Sand, George Eliot, Charles Egbert +Craddock, made pretty good men in print. The authoress of "Jane +Eyre" was taken for a man by many persons. Can Number Five be +masquerading in verse? Or is one of the two Annexes the make. +believe lover? Or did these girls lay their heads together, and send +the poem we had at our last sitting to puzzle the company? It is +certain that the Mistress did not write the poem. It is evident that +Number Seven, who is so severe in his talk about rhymesters, would +not, if he could, make such a fool of himself as to set up for a +"poet." Why should not the Counsellor fall in love and write verses? +A good many lawyers have been "poets." + +Perhaps the next poem, which may be looked for in its proper place, +may help us to form a judgment. We may have several verse-writers +among us, and if so there will be a good opportunity for the exercise +of judgment in distributing their productions among the legitimate +claimants. In the mean time, we must not let the love-making and the +song-writing interfere with the more serious matters which these +papers are expected to contain. + +Number Seven's compendious and comprehensive symbolism proved +suggestive, as his whimsical notions often do. It always pleases me +to take some hint from anything he says when I can, and carry it out +in a direction not unlike that of his own remark. I reminded the +company of his enigmatical symbol. + +You can divide mankind in the same way, I said. Two words, each of +two letters, will serve to distinguish two classes of human beings +who constitute the principal divisions of mankind. Can any of you +tell what those two words are? + +"Give me five letters," cried Number Seven, "and I can solve your +problem! F-o-o-1-s,--those five letters will give you the first and +largest half. For the other fraction"-- + +Oh, but, said I, I restrict you absolutely to two letters. If you +are going to take five, you may as well take twenty or a hundred. + +After a few attempts, the company gave it up. The nearest approach +to the correct answer was Number Five's guess of Oh and Ah: Oh +signifying eternal striving after an ideal, which belongs to one kind +of nature; and Ah the satisfaction of the other kind of nature, which +rests at ease in what it has attained. + +Good! I said to Number Five, but not the answer I am after. The +great division between human beings is into the Ifs and the Ases. + +Is the last word to be spelt with one or two s's? "asked the young +Doctor. + +The company laughed feebly at this question. I answered it soberly. +With one s. There are more foolish people among the Ifs than there +are among the Ases. + +The company looked puzzled, and asked for an explanation. + +This is the meaning of those two words as I interpret them: +If it were,--if it might be,--if it could be,--if it had been. One +portion of mankind go through life always regretting, always whining, +always imagining. These are the people whose backbones remain +cartilaginous all their lives long, as do those of certain other +vertebrate animals,--the sturgeons, for instance. A good many poets +must be classed with this group of vertebrates. + +As it is,--this is the way in which the other class of people look at +the conditions in which they find themselves. They may be optimists +or pessimists, they are very largely optimists,--but, taking things +just as they find them, they adjust the facts to their wishes if they +can; and if they cannot, then they adjust themselves to the facts. I +venture to say that if one should count the Ifs and the Ases in the +conversation of his acquaintances, he would find the more able and +important persons among them--statesmen, generals, men of business-- +among the Ases, and the majority of the conspicuous failures among +the Ifs. I don't know but this would be as good a test as that of +Gideon,--lapping the water or taking it up in the hand. I have a +poetical friend whose conversation is starred as thick with ifs as a +boiled ham is with cloves. But another friend of mine, a business +man, whom I trust in making my investments, would not let me meddle +with a certain stock which I fancied, because, as he said, "there are +too many ifs in it. As it looks now, I would n't touch it." + +I noticed, the other evening, that some private conversation was +going on between the Counsellor and the two Annexes. There was a +mischievous look about the little group, and I thought they were +hatching some plot among them. I did not hear what the English Annex +said, but the American girl's voice was sharper, and I overheard what +sounded to me like, "It is time to stir up that young Doctor." The +Counsellor looked very knowing, and said that he would find a chance +before long. I was rather amused to see how readily he entered into +the project of the young people. The fact is, the Counsellor is +young for his time of life; for he already betrays some signs of the +change referred to in that once familiar street song, which my +friend, the great American surgeon, inquired for at the music-shops +under the title, as he got it from the Italian minstrel, + + "Silva tredi mondi goo." + +I saw, soon after this, that the Counsellor was watching his chance +to "stir up the young Doctor." + +It does not follow, because our young Doctor's bald spot is slower in +coming than he could have wished, that he has not had time to form +many sound conclusions in the calling to which he has devoted himself +Vesalius, the father of modern descriptive anatomy, published his +great work on that subject before he was thirty. Bichat, the great +anatomist and physiologist, who died near the beginning of this +century, published his treatise, which made a revolution in anatomy +and pathology, at about the same age; dying soon after he had reached +the age of thirty. So, possibly the Counsellor may find that he has +"stirred up" a young man who, can take care of his own head, in case +of aggressive movements in its direction. + +"Well, Doctor," the Counsellor began, "how are stocks- in the measles +market about these times? Any corner in bronchitis? Any syndicate +in the vaccination business?" All this playfully. + +"I can't say how it is with other people's patients; most of my +families are doing very well without my help, at this time." + +"Do tell me, Doctor, how many families you own. I have heard it said +that some of our fellow-citizens have two distinct families, but you +speak as if you had a dozen." + +"I have, but not so large a number as I should like. I could take +care of fifteen or twenty more without: having to work too hard." + +"Why, Doctor, you are as bad as a Mormon. What do you mean by +calling certain families yours?" + +"Don't you speak about my client? Don't your clients call you their +lawyer? Does n't your baker, does n't your butcher, speak of the +families he supplies as his families?" + +To be sure, yes, of course they do; but I had a notion that a man had +as many doctors as he had organs to be doctored." + +"Well, there is some truth in that; but did you think the old- +fashioned family doctor was extinct, a fossil like the megatherium?" + +"Why, yes, after the recent experience of a friend of mine, I did +begin to think that there would soon be no such personage left as +that same old-fashioned family doctor. Shall I tell you what that +experience was?" + +The young Doctor said be should be mightily pleased to hear it. He +was going to be one of those old-fogy practitioners himself. + +"I don't know," the Counsellor said, "whether my friend got all the +professional terms of his story correctly, nor whether I have got +them from him without making any mistakes; but if I do make blunders +in some of the queer names, you can correct me. This is my friend's +story: + +"My family doctor,' he said, "was a very sensible man, educated at a +school where they professed to teach all the specialties, but not +confining himself to any one branch of medical practice. Surgical +practice he did not profess to meddle with, and there were some +classes of patients whom he was willing to leave to the female +physician. But throughout the range of diseases not requiring +exceptionally skilled manual interference, his education had +authorized him to consider himself, and he did consider himself, +qualified to undertake the treatment of all ordinary cases- It so +happened that my young wife was one of those uneasy persons who are +never long contented with their habitual comforts and blessings, but +always trying to find something a little better, something newer, at +any rate. I was getting to be near fifty years old, and it happened +to me, as it not rarely does to people at about that time of life, +that my hair began to fall out. I spoke of it to my doctor, who +smiled, said it was a part of the process of reversed evolution, but +might be retarded a little, and gave me a prescription. I did not +find any great effect from it, and my wife would have me go to a +noted dermatologist. The distinguished specialist examined my +denuded scalp with great care. He looked at it through a strong +magnifier. He examined the bulb of a fallen hair in a powerful +microscope. He deliberated for a while, and then said, "This is a +case of alopecia. It may perhaps be partially remedied. I will give +you a prescription." Which he did, and told me to call again in a +fortnight. At the end of three months I had called six times, and +each time got a new recipe, and detected no difference in the course +of my "alopecia." After I had got through my treatment, I showed my +recipes to my family physician; and we found that three of them were +the same he had used, familiar, old-fashioned remedies, and the +others were taken from a list of new and little-tried prescriptions +mentioned in one of the last medical journals, which was lying on the +old doctor's table. I might as well have got no better under his +charge, and should have got off much cheaper. + +"The next trouble I had was a little redness of the eyes, for which +my doctor gave me a wash; but my wife would have it that I must see +an oculist. So I made four visits to an oculist, and at the last +visit the redness was nearly gone,--as it ought to have been by that +time. The specialist called my complaint conjunctivitis, but that +did not make it feel any better nor get well any quicker. If I had +had a cataract or any grave disease of the eye, requiring a nice +operation on that delicate organ, of course I should have properly +sought the aid of an expert, whose eye, hand, and judgment were +trained to that special business; but in this case I don't doubt that +my family doctor would have done just as well as the expert. +However, I had to obey orders, and my wife would have it that I +should entrust my precious person only to the most skilful specialist +in each department of medical practice. + +"In the course of the year I experienced a variety of slight +indispositions. For these I was auriscoped by an aurist, +laryngoscoped by a laryngologist, ausculted by a stethoscopist, and +so on, until a complete inventory of my organs was made out, and I +found that if I believed all these searching inquirers professed to +have detected in my unfortunate person, I could repeat with too +literal truth the words of the General Confession, "And there is no +health in us." I never heard so many hard names in all my life. I +proved to be the subject of a long catalogue of diseases, and what +maladies I was not manifestly guilty of I was at least suspected of +harboring. I was handed along all the way from alopecia, which used +to be called baldness, to zoster, which used to be known as shingles. +I was the patient of more than a dozen specialists. Very pleasant +persons, many of them, but what a fuss they made about my trifling +incommodities! Please look at that photograph. See if there is a +minute elevation under one eye.' + +"'On which side?' I asked him, for I could not be sure there was +anything different on one side from what I saw on the other. + +"'Under the left eye. I called it a pimple; the specialist called it +acne. Now look at this photograph. It was taken after my acne had +been three months under treatment. It shows a little more distinctly +than in the first photograph, does n't it?' + +"'I think it does,' I answered. 'It does n't seem to me that you +gained a great deal by leaving your customary adviser for the +specialist.' + +"'Well,' my friend continued, 'following my wife's urgent counsel, I +kept on, as I told you, for a whole year with my specialists, going +from head to foot, and tapering off with a chiropodist. I got a deal +of amusement out of their contrivances and experiments. Some of them +lighted up my internal surfaces with electrical or other illuminating +apparatus. Thermometers, dynamometers, exploring-tubes, little +mirrors that went half-way down to my stomach, tuning-forks, +ophthalmoscopes, percussion-hammers, single and double stethoscopes, +speculums, sphygmometers,--such a battery of detective instruments I +had never imagined. All useful, I don't doubt; but at the end of the +year I began to question whether I should n't have done about as well +to stick to my long tried practitioner. When the bills for +"professional services" came in, and the new carpet had to be given +up, and the old bonnet trimmed over again, and the sealskin sack +remained a vision, we both agreed, my wife and I, that we would try +to get along without consulting specialists, except in such cases as +our family physician considered to be beyond his skill.'" + +The Counsellor's story of his friend's experiences seemed to please +the young Doctor very much. It "stirred him up," but in an agreeable +way; for, as he said, he meant to devote himself to family practice, +and not to adopt any limited class of cases as a specialty. I liked +his views so well that I should have been ready to adopt them as my +own, if they had been challenged. + + The young Doctor discourses. + +"I am very glad," he said, "that we have a number of practitioners +among us who confine themselves to the care of single organs and +their functions. I want to be able to consult an oculist who has +done nothing but attend to eyes long enough to know all that is known +about their diseases and their treatment,--skilful enough to be +trusted with the manipulation of that delicate and most precious +organ. I want an aurist who knows all about the ear and what can be +done for its disorders. The maladies of the larynx are very ticklish +things to handle, and nobody should be trusted to go behind the +epiglottis who has not the tactus eruditus. And so of certain other +particular classes of complaints. A great city must have a limited +number of experts, each a final authority, to be appealed to in cases +where the family physician finds himself in doubt. There are +operations which no surgeon should be willing to undertake unless he +has paid a particular, if not an exclusive, attention to the cases +demanding such operations. All this I willingly grant. + +"But it must not be supposed that we can return to the methods of the +old Egyptians--who, if my memory serves me correctly, had a special +physician for every part of the body--without falling into certain +errors and incurring certain liabilities. + +"The specialist is much like other people engaged in lucrative +business. He is apt to magnify his calling, to make much of any +symptom which will bring a patient within range of his battery of +remedies. I found a case in one of our medical journals, a couple of +years ago, which illustrates what I mean. Dr. ___________ of +Philadelphia, had a female patient with a crooked nose,--deviated +septum, if our young scholars like that better. She was suffering +from what the doctor called reflex headache. She had been to an +oculist, who found that the trouble was in her eyes. She went from +him to a gynecologist, who considered her headache as owing to causes +for which his specialty had the remedies. How many more specialists +would have appropriated her, if she had gone the rounds of them all, +I dare not guess; but you remember the old story of the siege, in +which each artisan proposed means of defence which be himself was +ready to furnish. Then a shoemaker said, 'Hang your walls with new +boots.' + +"Human nature is the same with medical specialists as it was with +ancient cordwainers, and it is too possible that a hungry +practitioner may be warped by his interest in fastening on a patient +who, as he persuades himself, comes under his medical jurisdiction. +The specialist has but one fang with which to seize and bold his +prey, but that fang is a fearfully long and sharp canine. Being +confined to a narrow field of observation and practice, he is apt to +give much of his time to curious study, which may be magnifique, but +is not exactly la guerre against the patient's malady. He divides +and subdivides, and gets many varieties of diseases, in most respects +similar. These he equips with new names, and thus we have those +terrific nomenclatures which are enough to frighten the medical +student, to say nothing of the sufferers staggering under this long +catalogue of local infirmities. The 'old-fogy' doctor, who knows the +family tendencies of his patient, who 'understands his constitution,' +will often treat him better than the famous specialist, who sees him +for the first time, and has to guess at many things 'the old doctor' +knows from his previous experience with the same patient and the +family to which he belongs. + +"It is a great luxury to practise as a specialist in almost any class +of diseases. The special practitioner has his own hours, hardly +needs a night-bell, can have his residence out of the town in which +he exercises his calling, in short, lives like a gentleman; while the +hard-worked general practitioner submits to a servitude more exacting +than that of the man who is employed in his stable or in his kitchen. +That is the kind of life I have made up my mind to." + +The teaspoons tinkled all round the table. This was the usual sign +of approbation, instead of the clapping of hands. + +The young Doctor paused, and looked round among The Teacups. "I beg +your pardon," he said, "for taking up so much of your time with +medicine. It is a subject that a good many persons, especially +ladies, take an interest in and have a curiosity about, but I have no +right to turn this tea-table into a lecture platform." + +"We should like to hear you talk longer about it," said the English +Annex. "One of us has thought of devoting herself to the practice of +medicine. Would you lecture to us; if you were a professor in one of +the great medical schools?" + +"Lecture to students of your sex? Why not, I should like to know? I +don't think it is the calling for which the average woman is +especially adapted, but my teacher got a part of his medical +education from a lady, Madame Lachapelle; and I don't see why, if one +can learn from a woman, he may not teach a woman, if he knows +enough." + +"We all like a little medical talk now and then," said Number Five, +"and we are much obliged to you for your discourse. You are +specialist enough to take care of a sprained ankle, I suppose, are +you not?" + +"I hope I should be equal to that emergency," answered the young +Doctor; "but I trust you are not suffering from any such accident?" + +"No," said Number Five, "but there is no telling what may happen. I +might slip, and get a sprain or break a sinew, or something, and I +should like to know that there is a practitioner at hand to take care +of my injury. I think I would risk myself in your bands, although +you are not a specialist. Would you venture to take charge of the +case?" + +"Ah, my dear lady," he answered gallantly, "the risk would be in the +other direction. I am afraid it would be safer for your doctor if he +were an older man than I am." + +This is the first clearly, indisputably sentimental outbreak which +has happened in conversation at our table. I tremble to think what +will come of it; for we have several inflammable elements in our +circle, and a spark like this is liable to light on any one or two of +them. + +I was not sorry that this medical episode came in to vary the usual +course of talk at our table. I like to have one--of an intelligent +company, who knows anything thoroughly, hold the floor for a time, +and discourse upon the subject which chiefly engages his daily +thoughts and furnishes his habitual occupation. It is a privilege to +meet such a person now and then, and let him have his full swing. +But because there are "professionals" to whom we are willing to +listen as oracles, I do not want to see everybody who is not a +"professional" silenced or snubbed, if he ventures into any field of +knowledge which he has not made especially his own. I like to read +Montaigne's remarks about doctors, though he never took a medical +degree. I can even enjoy the truth in the sharp satire of Voltaire +on the medical profession. I frequently prefer the remarks I hear +from the pew after the sermon to those I have just been hearing from +the pulpit. There are a great many things which I never expect to +comprehend, but which I desire very much to apprehend. Suppose that +our circle of Teacups were made up of specialists,--experts in +various departments. I should be very willing that each one should +have his innings at the proper time, when the company were ready for +him. But the time is coming when everybody will know something about +every thing. How can one have the illustrated magazines, the +"Popular Science Monthly," the Psychological journals, the +theological periodicals, books on all subjects, forced on his +attention, in their own persons, so to speak, or in the reviews which +analyze and pass judgment upon them, without getting some ideas which +belong to many provinces of human intelligence? The air we breathe +is made up of four elements, at least: oxygen, nitrogen, carbonic +acid gas, and knowledge. There is something quite delightful to +witness in the absorption and devotion of a genuine specialist. +There is a certain sublimity in that picture of the dying scholar in +Browning's "A Grammarian's Funeral:"-- + + "So with the throttling hands of death at strife, + Ground he at grammar; + Still, through the rattle, parts of speech were rife; + While he could stammer + He settled Hoti's business--let it be-- + Properly based Oun + Gave us the doctrine of the enclitic De, + Dead from the waist down." + +A genuine enthusiasm, which will never be satisfied until it has +pumped the well dry at the bottom of which truth is lying, always +excites our interest, if not our admiration. + +One of the pleasantest of our American writers, whom we all remember +as Ik Marvel, and greet in his more recent appearance as Donald Grant +Mitchell, speaks of the awkwardness which he feels in offering to the +public a "panoramic view of British writers in these days of +specialists,--when students devote half a lifetime to the analysis of +the works of a single author, and to the proper study of a single +period." + +He need not have feared that his connected sketches of "English +Lands, Letters and Kings" would be any less welcome because they do +not pretend to fill up all the details or cover all the incidents +they hint in vivid outline. How many of us ever read or ever will +read Drayton's "Poly-Olbion?" Twenty thousand long Alexandrines are +filled with admirable descriptions of scenery, natural productions, +and historical events, but how many of us in these days have time to +read and inwardly digest twenty thousand Alexandrine verses? I fear +that the specialist is apt to hold his intelligent reader or hearer +too cheap. So far as I have observed in medical specialties, what he +knows in addition to the knowledge of the well-taught general +practitioner is very largely curious rather than important. Having +exhausted all that is practical, the specialist is naturally tempted +to amuse himself with the natural history of the organ or function he +deals with; to feel as a writing-master does when he sets a copy,-- +not content to shape the letters properly, but he must add flourishes +and fancy figures, to let off his spare energy. + +I am beginning to be frightened. When I began these papers, my idea +was a very simple and innocent one. Here was a mixed company, of +various conditions, as I have already told my readers, who came +together regularly, and before they were aware of it formed something +like a club or association. As I was the patriarch among them, they +gave me the name some of you may need to be reminded of; for as these +reports are published at intervals, you may not remember the fact +that I am what The Teacups have seen fit to call The Dictator. + +Now, what did I expect when I began these papers, and what is it that +has begun to frighten me? + +I expected to report grave conversations and light colloquial +passages of arms among the members of the circle. I expected to +hear, perhaps to read, a paper now and then. I expected to have, +from time to time, a poem from some one of The Teacups, for I felt +sure there must be among them one or more poets,--Teacups of the +finer and rarer translucent kind of porcelain, to speak +metaphorically. + +Out of these conversations and written contributions I thought I +might make up a readable series of papers; a not wholly unwelcome +string of recollections, anticipations, suggestions, too often +perhaps repetitions, that would be to the twilight what my earlier +series had been to the morning. + +I hoped also that I should come into personal relations with my old +constituency, if I may call my nearer friends, and those more distant +ones who belong to my reading parish, by that name. It is time that +I should. I received this blessed morning--I am telling the literal +truth--a highly flattering obituary of myself in the shape of an +extract from "Le National" of the 10th of February last. This is a +bi-weekly newspaper, published in French, in the city of Plattsburg, +Clinton County, New York. I am occasionally reminded by my unknown +friends that I must hurry up their autograph, or make haste to copy +that poem they wish to have in the author's own handwriting, or it +will be too late; but I have never before been huddled out of the +world in this way. I take this rather premature obituary as a hint +that, unless I come to some arrangement with my well-meaning but +insatiable correspondents, it would be as well to leave it in type, +for I cannot bear much longer the load they lay upon me. I will +explain myself on this point after I have told my readers what has +frightened me. + +I am beginning to think this room where we take our tea is more like +a tinder-box than a quiet and safe place for "a party in a parlor." +It is true that there are at least two or three incombustibles at our +table, but it looks to me as if the company might pair off before the +season is over, like the crew of Her Majesty's ship the Mantelpiece, +--three or four weddings clear our whole table of all but one or two +of the impregnables. The poem we found in the sugar-bowl last week +first opened my eyes to the probable state of things. Now, the idea +of having to tell a love-story, --perhaps two or three love-stories, +--when I set out with the intention of repeating instructive, useful, +or entertaining discussions, naturally alarms me. It is quite true +that many things which look to me suspicious may be simply playful. +Young people (and we have several such among The Teacups) are fond of +make-believe courting when they cannot have the real thing, - +"flirting," as it used to be practised in the days of Arcadian +innocence, not the more modern and more questionable recreation which +has reached us from the home of the cicisbeo. Whatever comes of it, +I shall tell what I see, and take the consequences. + +But I am at this moment going to talk in my own proper person to my +own particular public, which, as I find by my correspondence, is a +very considerable one, and with which I consider myself in +exceptionally pleasant relations. + +I have read recently that Mr. Gladstone receives six hundred letters +a day. Perhaps he does not receive six hundred letters every day, +but if he gets anything like half that number daily, what can he do +with them? There was a time when he was said to answer all his +correspondents. It is understood, I think, that he has given up +doing so in these later days. + +I do not pretend that I receive six hundred or even sixty letters a +day, but I do receive a good many, and have told the public of the +fact from time to time, under the pressure of their constantly +increasing exertions. As it is extremely onerous, and is soon going +to be impossible, for me to keep up the wide range of correspondence +which has become a large part of my occupation, and tends to absorb +all the vital force which is left me, I wish to enter into a final +explanation with the well-meaning but merciless taskmasters who have +now for many years been levying their daily tax upon me. I have +preserved thousands of their letters, and destroyed a very large +number, after answering most of them. A few interesting chapters +might be made out of the letters I have kept,--not only such as are +signed by the names of well-known personages, but many from unknown +friends, of whom I had never heard before and have never heard since. +A great deal of the best writing the languages of the world have ever +known has been committed to leaves that withered out of sight before +a second sunlight had fallen upon them. I have had many letters I +should have liked to give the public, had their nature admitted of +their being offered to the world. What straggles of young ambition, +finding no place for its energies, or feeling its incapacity to reach +the ideal towards which it was striving! What longings of +disappointed, defeated fellow-mortals, trying to find a new home for +themselves in the heart of one whom they have amiably idealized! And +oh, what hopeless efforts of mediocrities and inferiorities, +believing in themselves as superiorities, and stumbling on through +limping disappointments to prostrate failure! Poverty comes +pleading, not for charity, for the most part, but imploring us to +find a purchaser for its unmarketable wares. The unreadable author +particularly requests us to make a critical examination of his book, +and report to him whatever may be our verdict,--as if he wanted +anything but our praise, and that very often to be used in his +publisher's advertisements. + +But what does not one have to submit to who has become the martyr-- +the Saint Sebastian--of a literary correspondence! I will not dwell +on the possible impression produced on a sensitive nature by reading +one's own premature obituary, as I have told you has been my recent +experience. I will not stop to think whether the urgent request for +an autograph by return post, in view of the possible contingencies +which might render it the last one was ever to write, is pleasing or +not. At threescore and twenty one must expect such hints of what is +like to happen before long. I suppose, if some near friend were to +watch one who was looking over such a pressing letter, he might +possibly see a slight shadow flit over the reader's features, and +some such dialogue might follow as that between Othello and Iago, +after "this honest creature" has been giving breath to his suspicions +about Desdemona : + + "I see this hath a little dash'd your spirits. + Not a jot, not a jot. + ............. + "My lord, I see you're moved." + +And a little later the reader might, like Othello, complain, + + "I have a pain upon my forehead here." + +Nothing more likely. But, for myself, I have grown callous to all +such allusions. The repetition of the Scriptural phrase for the +natural term of life is so frequent that it wears out one's +sensibilities. + +But how many charming and refreshing letters I have received! How +often I have felt their encouragement in moments of doubt and +depression, such as the happiest temperaments must sometimes +experience! + +If the time comes when to answer all my kind unknown friends, even by +dictation, is impossible, or more than I feel equal to, I wish to +refer any of those who may feel disappointed at not receiving an +answer to the following general acknowledgments: + + +I. I am always grateful for any attention which shows me that I am +kindly remembered. --II. Your pleasant message has been read to me, +and has been thankfully listened to. --III. Your book (your essay) +(your poem) has reached me safely, and has received all the +respectful attention to which it seemed entitled. It would take more +than all the time I have at my disposal to read all the printed +matter and all the manuscripts which are sent to me, and you would +not ask me to attempt the impossible. You will not, therefore, +expect me to express a critical opinion of your work. --IV. I am +deeply sensible to your expressions of personal attachment to me as +the author of certain writings which have brought me very near to +you, in virtue of some affinity in our ways of thought and moods of +feeling. Although I cannot keep up correspondences with many of my +readers who seem to be thoroughly congenial with myself, let them be +assured that their letters have been read or heard with peculiar +gratification, and are preserved as precious treasures. + + +I trust that after this notice no correspondent will be surprised to +find his or her letter thus answered by anticipation; and that if one +of the above formulae is the only answer he receives, the unknown +friend will remember that he or she is one of a great many whose +incessant demands have entirely outrun my power of answering them as +fully as the applicants might wish and perhaps expect. + +I could make a very interesting volume of the letters I have received +from correspondents unknown to the world of authorship, but writing +from an instinctive impulse, which many of them say they have long +felt and resisted. One must not allow himself to be flattered into +an overestimate of his powers because he gets many letters expressing +a peculiar attraction towards his books, and a preference of them to +those with which he would not have dared to compare his own. Still, +if the homo unius libri--the man of one book--choose to select one of +our own writing as his favorite volume, it means something,--not +much, perhaps; but if one has unlocked the door to the secret +entrance of one heart, it is not unlikely that his key may fit the +locks of others. What if nature has lent him a master key? He has +found the wards and slid back the bolt of one lock; perhaps he may +have learned the secret of others. One success is an encouragement +to try again. Let the writer of a truly loving letter, such as +greets one from time to time, remember that, though he never hears a +word from it, it may prove one of the best rewards of an anxious and +laborious past, and the stimulus of a still aspiring future. + +Among the letters I have recently received, none is more interesting +than the following. The story of Helen Keller, who wrote it, is told +in the well-known illustrated magazine called "The Wide Awake," in +the number for July, 1888. For the account of this little girl, now +between nine and ten years old, and other letters of her writing, I +must refer to the article I have mentioned. It is enough to say that +she is deaf and dumb and totally blind. She was seven years old when +her teacher, Miss Sullivan, under the direction of Mr. Anagnos, at +the Blind Asylum at South Boston, began her education. A child +fuller of life and happiness it would be hard to find. It seems as +if her soul was flooded with light and filled with music that had +found entrance to it through avenues closed to other mortals. It is +hard to understand how she has learned to deal with abstract ideas, +and so far to supplement the blanks left by the senses of sight and +hearing that one would hardly think of her as wanting in any human +faculty. Remember Milton's pathetic picture of himself, suffering +from only one of poor little Helen's deprivations: + + "Not to me returns + Day, or the sweet approach of even or morn, + Or sight of vernal bloom, or summer's rose, + Or flocks, or herds, or human face divine; + But cloud instead, and ever-during dark + Surrounds me, from the cheerful ways of men + Cut off, and for the book of knowledge fair + Presented with a universal blank + Of Nature's works, to me expunged and rased, + And wisdom at one entrance quite shut out." + +Surely for this loving and lovely child does + + "the celestial Light + Shine inward." + +Anthropologist, metaphysician, most of all theologian, here is a +lesson which can teach you much that you will not find in your +primers and catechisms. Why should I call her "poor little Helen"? +Where can you find a happier child? + + +SOUTH BOSTON, MASS., March 1, 1890. + +DEAR KIND POET,--I have thought of you many times since that bright +Sunday when I bade you goodbye, and I am going to write you a letter +because I love you. I am sorry that you have no little children to +play with sometimes, but I think you are very happy with your books, +and your many, many friends. On Washington's Birthday a great many +people came here to see the little blind children, and I read for +them from your poems, and showed them some beautiful shells which +came from a little island near Palos. I am reading a very sad story +called "Little Jakey." Jakey was the sweetest little fellow you can +imagine, but he was poor and blind. I used to think, when I was +small and before I could read, that everybody was always happy, and +at first it made me very sad to know about pain and great sorrow; but +now I know that we could never learn to be brave and patient, if +there were only joy in the world. I am studying about insects in +Zoology, and I have learned many things about butterflies. They do +not make honey for us, like the bees, but many of them are as +beautiful as the flowers they light upon, and they always delight the +hearts of little children. They live a gay life, flitting from +flower to flower, sipping the drops of honey-dew, without a thought +for the morrow. They are just like little boys and girls when they +forget books and studies, and run away to the woods and the fields to +gather wild-flowers, or wade in the ponds for fragrant lilies, happy +in the bright sunshine. If my little sister comes to Boston next +June, will you let me bring her to see you? She is a lovely baby and +I am sure you will love [her]. Now I must tell my gentle poet good- +bye, for I have a letter to write home before I go to bed. From your +loving little friend, + +HELEN A. KELLER. + + +The reading of this letter made many eyes glisten, and a dead silence +hushed the whole circle. All at once Delilah, our pretty table-maid, +forgot her place,--what business had she to be listening to our +conversation and reading? --and began sobbing, just as if she had +been a lady. She could n't help it, she explained afterwards,--she +had a little blind sister at the asylum, who had told her about +Helen's reading to the children. + +It was very awkward, this breaking-down of our pretty Delilah, for +one girl crying will sometimes set off a whole row of others,--it is +as hazardous as lighting one cracker in a bunch. The two Annexes +hurried out their pocket-handkerchiefs, and I almost expected a semi- +hysteric cataclysm. At this critical moment Number Five called +Delilah to her, looked into her face with those calm eyes of hers, +and spoke a few soft words. Was Number Five forgetful, too? Did she +not remember the difference of their position? I suppose so. But +she quieted the poor handmaiden as simply and easily as a nursing +mother quiets her unweaned baby. Why are we not all in love with +Number Five? Perhaps we are. At any rate, I suspect the Professor. +When we all get quiet, I will touch him up about that visit she +promised to make to his laboratory. + +I got a chance at last to speak privately with him. + +"Did Number Five go to meet you in your laboratory, as she talked of +doing?" + +"Oh, yes, of course she did,--why, she said she would!" + +"Oh, to be sure. Do tell me what she wanted in your laboratory." + +"She wanted me to burn a diamond for her." + +"Burn a diamond! What was that for? Because Cleopatra swallowed a +pearl?" + +"No, nothing of that kind. It was a small stone, and had a flaw in +it. Number Five said she did n't want a diamond with a flaw in it, +and that she did want to see how a diamond would burn." + +"Was that all that happened?" + +"That was all. She brought the two Annexes with her, and I gave my +three visitors a lecture on carbon, which they seemed to enjoy very +much." + +I looked steadily in the Professor's face during the reading of the +following poem. I saw no questionable look upon it,--but he has a +remarkable command of his features. Number Five read it with a +certain archness of expression, as if she saw all its meaning, which +I think some of the company did not quite take in. They said they +must read it slowly and carefully. Somehow, "I like you" and "I love +you" got a little mixed, as they heard it. It was not Number Five's +fault, for she read it beautifully, as we all agreed, and as I knew +she would when I handed it to her. + + + I LIKE YOU AND I LOVE YOU. + + I LIKE YOU met I LOVE YOU, face to face; + The path was narrow, and they could not pass. + I LIKE YOU smiled; I LOVE YOU cried, Alas! + And so they halted for a little space. + + "Turn thou and go before," I LOVE YOU said, +` "Down the green pathway, bright with many a flower + Deep in the valley, lo! my bridal bower + Awaits thee." But I LIKE YOU shook his head. + + Then while they lingered on the span-wide shelf + That shaped a pathway round the rocky ledge, + I LIKE YOU bared his icy dagger's edge, + And first he slew I LOVE YOU,--then himself. + + + + +VII + +There is no use in burdening my table with those letters of inquiry +as to where our meetings are held, and what are the names of the +persons designated by numbers, or spoken of under the titles of the +Professor, the Tutor, and so forth. It is enough that you are aware +who I am, and that I am known at the tea-table as The Dictator. +Theatrical "asides" are apt to be whispered in a pretty loud voice, +and the persons who ought not to have any idea of what is said are +expected to be reasonably hard of bearing. If I named all The +Teacups, some of them might be offended. If any of my readers happen +to be able to identify any one Teacup by some accidental +circumstance,--say, for instance, Number Five, by the incident of her +burning the diamond,--I hope they will keep quiet about it. Number +Five does n't want to be pointed out in the street as the extravagant +person who makes use of such expensive fuel, for the story would soon +grow to a statement that she always uses diamonds, instead of cheaper +forms of carbon, to heat her coffee with. So with other members of +the circle. The "Cracked Teacup," Number Seven, would not, perhaps, +be pleased to recognize himself under that title. I repeat it, +therefore, Do not try to identify the individual Teacups. You will +not get them right; or, if you do, you may too probably make trouble. +How is it possible that I can keep up my freedom of intercourse with +you all if you insist on bellowing my "asides" through a speaking- +trumpet? Besides, you cannot have failed to see that there are +strong symptoms of the springing up of delicate relations between +some of our number. I told you how it would be. It did not require +a prophet to foresee that the saucy intruder who, as Mr. Willis +wrote, and the dear dead girls used to sing, in our young days, + + "Taketh every form of air, + And every shape of earth, + And comes unbidden everywhere, + Like thought's mysterious birth," + +would pop his little curly head up between one or more pairs of +Teacups. If you will stop these questions, then, I will go on with +my reports of what was said and done at our meetings over the +teacups. + +Of all things beautiful in this fair world, there is nothing so +enchanting to look upon, to dream about, as the first opening of the +flower of young love. How closely the calyx has hidden the glowing +leaves in its quiet green mantle! Side by side, two buds have been +tossing jauntily in the breeze, often brought very near to each +other, sometimes touching for a moment, with a secret thrill in their +close-folded heart-leaves, it may be, but still the cool green sepals +shutting tight over the burning secret within. All at once a morning +ray touches one of the two buds, and the point of a blushing petal +betrays the imprisoned and swelling blossom. + + +--Oh, no, I did not promise a love-story. There may be a little +sentiment now and then, but these papers are devoted chiefly to the +opinions, prejudices, fancies, whims, of myself, The Dictator, and +others of The Teacups who have talked or written for the general +benefit of the company. + +Here are some of the remarks I made the other evening on the subject +of Intellectual Over-Feeding and its consequence, Mental Dyspepsia. +There is something positively appalling in the amount of printed +matter yearly, monthly, weekly, daily, secreted by that great gland +of the civilized organism, the press. I need not dilate upon this +point, for it is brought home to every one of you who ever looks into +a bookstore or a public library. So large is the variety of literary +products continually coming forward, forced upon the attention of the +reader by stimulating and suggestive titles, commended to his notice +by famous names, recasting old subjects and developing and +illustrating new ones, that the mind is liable to be urged into a +kind of unnatural hunger, leading to a repletion which is often +followed by disgust and disturbed nervous conditions as its natural +consequence. + +It has long been a favorite rule with me, a rule which I have never +lost sight of, however imperfectly I have carried it out: Try to know +enough of a wide range of subjects to profit by the conversation of +intelligent persons of different callings and various intellectual +gifts and acquisitions. The cynic will paraphrase this into a +shorter formula: Get a smattering in every sort of knowledge. I must +therefore add a second piece of advice: Learn to hold as of small +account the comments of the cynic. He is often amusing, sometimes +really witty, occasionally, without meaning it, instructive; but his +talk is to profitable conversation what the stone is to the pulp of +the peach, what the cob is to the kernels on an ear of Indian corn. +Once more: Do not be bullied out of your common sense by the +specialist; two to one, he is a pedant, with all his knowledge and +valuable qualities, and will "cavil on the ninth part of a hair," if +it will give him a chance to show off his idle erudition. + +I saw attributed to me, the other day, the saying, "Know something +about everything, and everything about something." I am afraid it +does not belong to me, but I will treat it as I used to treat a stray +boat which came through my meadow, floating down the Housatonic,--get +hold of it and draw it ashore, and hold on to it until the owner +turns up. If this precept is used discreetly, it is very +serviceable; but it is as well to recognize the fact that you cannot +know something about everything in days like these of intellectual +activity, of literary and scientific production. We all feel this. +It makes us nervous to see the shelves of new books, many of which we +feel as if we ought to read, and some among them to study. We must +adopt some principle of selection among the books outside of any +particular branch which we may have selected for study. I have often +been asked what books I would recommend for a course of reading. I +have always answered that I had a great deal rather take advice than +give it. Fortunately, a number of scholars have furnished lists of +books to which the inquirer may be directed. But the worst of it is +that each student is in need of a little library specially adapted to +his wants. Here is a young man writing to me from a Western college, +and wants me to send him a list of the books which I think would be +most useful to him. He does not send me his intellectual +measurements, and he might as well have sent to a Boston tailor for a +coat, without any hint of his dimensions in length, breadth, and +thickness. + +But instead of laying down rules for reading, and furnishing lists of +the books which should be read in order, I will undertake the much +humbler task of giving a little quasi-medical advice to persons, +young or old, suffering from book-hunger, book-surfeit, book- +nervousness, book-indigestion, book-nausea, and all other maladies +which, directly or indirectly, may be traced to books, and to which I +could give Greek or Latin names if I thought it worth while. + +I have a picture hanging in my library, a lithograph, of which many +of my readers may have seen copies. It represents a gray-haired old +book-lover at the top of a long flight of steps. He finds himself in +clover, so to speak, among rare old editions, books he has longed to +look upon and never seen before, rarities, precious old volumes, +incunabula, cradle-books, printed while the art was in its infancy,-- +its glorious infancy, for it was born a giant. The old bookworm is +so intoxicated with the sight and handling of the priceless treasures +that he cannot bear to put one of the volumes back after he has taken +it from the shelf. So there he stands,--one book open in his hands, +a volume under each arm, and one or more between his legs,--loaded +with as many as he can possibly hold at the same time. + +Now, that is just the way in which the extreme form of book-hunger +shows itself in the reader whose appetite has become over-developed. +He wants to read so many books that he over-crams himself with the +crude materials of knowledge, which become knowledge only when the +mental digestion has time to assimilate them. I never can go into +that famous "Corner Bookstore" and look over the new books in the row +before me, as I enter the door, without seeing half a dozen which I +want to read, or at least to know something about. I cannot empty my +purse of its contents, and crowd my bookshelves with all those +volumes. The titles of many of them interest me. I look into one or +two, perhaps. I have sometimes picked up a line or a sentence, in +these momentary glances between the uncut leaves of a new book, which +I have never forgotten. As a trivial but bona fide example, one day +I opened a book on duelling. I remember only these words: +"Conservons-la, cette noble institution." I had never before seen +duelling called a noble institution, and I wish I had taken the name +of the book. Book-tasting is not necessarily profitless, but it is +very stimulating, and makes one hungry for more than he needs for the +nourishment of his thinking-marrow. To feed this insatiable hunger, +the abstracts, the reviews, do their best. But these, again, have +grown so numerous and so crowded with matter that it is hard to find +time to master their contents. We are accustomed, therefore, to look +for analyses of these periodicals, and at last we have placed before +us a formidable-looking monthly, "The Review of Reviews." After the +analyses comes the newspaper notice; and there is still room for the +epigram, which sometimes makes short work with all that has gone +before on the same subject. + +It is just as well to recognize the fact that if one should read day +and night, confining himself to his own language, he could not +pretend to keep up with the press. He might as well try to race with +a locomotive. The first discipline, therefore, is that of despair. +If you could stick to your reading day and night for fifty years, +what a learned idiot you would become long before the half-century +was over! Well, then, there is no use in gorging one's self with +knowledge, and no need of self-reproach because one is content to +remain more or less ignorant of many things which interest his +fellow-creatures. We gain a good deal of knowledge through the +atmosphere; we learn a great deal by accidental hearsay, provided we +have the mordant in our own consciousness which makes the wise +remark, the significant fact, the instructive incident, take hold +upon it. After the stage of despair comes the period of consolation. +We soon find that we are not so much worse off than most of our +neighbors as we supposed. The fractional value of the wisest shows a +small numerator divided by an infinite denominator of knowledge. + +I made some explanations to The Teacups, the other evening, which +they received very intelligently and graciously, as I have no doubt +the readers of these reports of mine will receive them. If the +reader will turn back to the end of the fourth number of these +papers, he will find certain lines entitled, "Cacoethes Scribendi." +They were said to have been taken from the usual receptacle of the +verses which are contributed by The Teacups, and, though the fact was +not mentioned, were of my own composition. I found them in +manuscript in my drawer, and as my subject had naturally suggested +the train of thought they carried out into extravagance, I printed +them. At the same time they sounded very natural, as we say, and I +felt as if I had published them somewhere or other before; but I +could find no evidence of it, and so I ventured to have them put in +type. + +And here I wish to take breath for a short, separate paragraph. I +have often felt, after writing a line which pleased me more than +common, that it was not new, and perhaps was not my own. I have very +rarely, however, found such a coincidence in ideas or expression as +would be enough to justify an accusation of unconscious plagiarism,-- +conscious plagiarism is not my particular failing. I therefore say +my say, set down my thought, print my line, and do not heed the +suspicion that I may not be as original as I supposed, in the passage +I have been writing. My experience may be worth something to a +modest young writer, and so I have interrupted what I was about to +say by intercalating this paragraph. + +In this instance my telltale suspicion had not been at fault. I had +printed those same lines, years ago, in "The Contributors' Club," to +which I have rarely sent any of my prose or verse. Nobody but the +editor has noticed the fact, so far as I know. This is consoling, or +mortifying, I hardly know which. I suppose one has a right to +plagiarize from himself, but he does not want to present his work as +fresh from the workshop when it has been long standing in his +neighbor's shop-window. + +But I have just received a letter from a brother of the late Henry +Howard Brownell, the poet of the Bay Fight and the River Fight, in +which he quotes a passage from an old book, "A Heroine, Adventures of +Cherubina," which might well have suggested my own lines, if I had +ever seen it. I have not the slightest recollection of the book or +the passage. I think its liveliness and "local color" will make it +please the reader, as it pleases me, more than my own more prosaic +extravagances: + + +LINES TO A PRETTY LITTLE MAID OF MAMMA'S. + +"If Black Sea, Red Sea, White Sea, ran +One tide of ink to Ispahan, +If all the geese in Lincoln fens +Produced spontaneous well-made pens, +If Holland old and Holland new +One wondrous sheet of paper grew, +And could I sing but half the grace +Of half a freckle in thy face, +Each syllable I wrote would reach +>From Inverness to Bognor's beach, +Each hair-stroke be a river Rhine, +Each verse an equinoctial line!" + + +"The immediate dismissal of the 'little maid' was the consequence." + +I may as well say that our Delilah was not in the room when the last +sentence was read. + +Readers must be either very good-natured or very careless. I have +laid myself open to criticism by more than one piece of negligence, +which has been passed over without invidious comment by the readers +of my papers. How could I, for instance, have written in my original +"copy" for the printer about the fisherman baiting his hook with a +giant's tail instead of a dragon's? It is the automatic fellow,--Me- +Number-Two of our dual personality,--who does these things, who +forgets the message Me--Number--One sends down to him from the +cerebral convolutions, and substitutes a wrong word for the right +one. I suppose Me--Number--Two will "sass back," and swear that +"giant's" was the message which came down from headquarters. He is +always doing the wrong thing and excusing himself. Who blows out the +gas instead of shutting it off? Who puts the key in the desk and +fastens it tight with the spring lock? Do you mean to say that the +upper Me, the Me of the true thinking-marrow, the convolutions of the +brain, does not know better? Of course he does, and Me-Number-Two is +a careless servant, who remembers some old direction, and follows +that instead of the one just given. + +Number Seven demurred to this, and I am not sure that he is wrong in +so doing. He maintains that the automatic fellow always does just +what he is told to do. Number Five is disposed to agree with him. +We will talk over the question. + +But come, now, why should not a giant have a tail as well as a +dragon? Linnaeus admitted the homo caudatus into his anthropological +catalogue. The human embryo has a very well marked caudal appendage; +that is, the vertebral column appears prolonged, just as it is in a +young quadruped. During the late session of the Medical Congress at +Washington, my friend Dr. Priestley, a distinguished London +physician, of the highest character and standing, showed me the +photograph of a small boy, some three or four years old, who had a +very respectable little tail, which would have passed muster on a +pig, and would have made a frog or a toad ashamed of himself. I have +never heard what became of the little boy, nor have I looked in the +books or journals to find out if there are similar cases on record, +but I have no doubt that there are others. And if boys may have this +additional ornament to their vertebral columns, why not men? And if +men, why not giants? So I may not have made a very bad blunder, +after all, and my reader has learned something about the homo +caudatus as spoken of by Linnxus, and as shown me in photograph by +Dr. Priestley. This child is a candidate for the vacant place of +Missing Link. + +In accounting for the blunders, and even gross blunders, which, +sooner or later, one who writes much is pretty sure to commit, I must +not forget the part played by the blind spot or idiotic area in the +brain, which I have already described. + +The most knowing persons we meet with are sometimes at fault. Nova +onania possumus omnes is not a new nor profound axiom, but it is well +to remember it as a counterpoise to that other truly American saying +of the late Mr. Samuel Patch, "Some things can be done as well as +others." Yes, some things, but not all things. We all know men and +women who hate to admit their ignorance of anything. Like Talkative +in "Pilgrim's Progress," they are ready to converse of "things +heavenly or things earthly; things moral or things evangelical; +things sacred or things profane; things past or things to come; +things foreign or things at home; things more essential or things +circumstantial." + +Talkative is apt to be a shallow fellow, and to say foolish things +about matters he only half understands, and yet he has his place in +society. The specialists would grow to be intolerable, were they not +counterpoised to some degree by the people of general intelligence. +The man who knows too much about one particular subject is liable to +become a terrible social infliction. Some of the worst bores (to use +plain language) we ever meet with are recognized as experts of high +grade in their respective departments. Beware of making so much as a +pinhole in the dam that holds back their knowledge. They ride their +hobbies without bit or bridle. A poet on Pegasus, reciting his own +verses, is hardly more to be dreaded than a mounted specialist. + +One of the best offices which women perform for men is that of +tasting books for them. They may or may not be profound students,-- +some of them are; but we do not expect to meet women like Mrs. +Somerville, or Caroline Herschel, or Maria Mitchell at every dinner- +table or afternoon tea. But give your elect lady a pile of books to +look over for you, and she will tell you what they have for her and +for you in less time than you would have wasted in stupefying +yourself over a single volume. + +One of the encouraging signs of the times is the condensed and +abbreviated form in which knowledge is presented to the general +reader. The short biographies of historic personages, of which +within the past few years many have been published, have been a great +relief to the large class of readers who want to know something, but +not too much, about them. + +What refuge is there for the victim who is oppressed with the feeling +that there are a thousand new books he ought to read, while life is +only long enough for him to attempt to read a hundred? Many readers +remember what old Rogers, the poet, +said: + +"When I hear a new book talked about or have it pressed upon me, I +read an old one." + +Happy the man who finds his rest in the pages of some favorite +classic! I know no reader more to be envied than that friend of mine +who for many years has given his days and nights to the loving study +of Horace. After a certain period in life, it is always with an +effort that we admit a new author into the inner circle of our +intimates. The Parisian omnibuses, as I remember them half a century +ago,--they may still keep to the same habit, for aught that I know,-- +used to put up the sign "Complet" as soon as they were full. Our +public conveyances are never full until the natural atmospheric +pressure of sixteen pounds to the square inch is doubled, in the +close packing of the human sardines that fill the all-accommodating +vehicles. A new-comer, however well mannered and well dressed, is +not very welcome under these circumstances. In the same way, our +tables are full of books half-read and books we feel that we must +read. And here come in two thick volumes, with uncut leaves, in +small type, with many pages, and many lines to a page,--a book that +must be read and ought to be read at once. What a relief to hand it +over to the lovely keeper of your literary conscience, who will tell +you all that you will most care to know about it, and leave you free +to plunge into your beloved volume, in which you are ever finding new +beauties, and from which you rise refreshed, as if you had just come +from the cool waters of Hippocrene! The stream of modern literature +represented by the books and periodicals on the crowded counters is a +turbulent and clamorous torrent, dashing along among the rocks of +criticism, over the pebbles of the world's daily events; trying to +make itself seen and heard amidst the hoarse cries of the politicians +and the rumbling wheels of traffic. The classic is a still lakelet, +a mountain tarn, fed by springs that never fail, its surface never +ruffled by storms,--always the same, always smiling a welcome to its +visitor. Such is Horace to my friend. To his eye "Lydia, dic per +omnes" is as familiar as "Pater noster qui es in caelis" to that of a +pious Catholic. "Integer vitae," which he has put into manly +English, his Horace opens to as Watt's hymn-book opens to "From all +that dwell below the skies." The more he reads, the more he studies +his author, the richer are the treasures he finds. And what Horace +is to him, Homer, or Virgil, or Dante is to many a quiet reader, sick +to death of the unending train of bookmakers. + +I have some curious books in my library, a few of which I should like +to say something about to The Teacups, when they have no more +immediately pressing subjects before them. A library of a few +thousand volumes ought always to have some books in it which the +owner almost never opens, yet with whose backs he is so well +acquainted that he feels as if he knew something of their contents. +They are like those persons whom we meet in our daily walks, with +whose faces and figures, whose summer and winter garments, whose +walking-sticks and umbrellas even, we feel acquainted, and yet whose +names, whose business, whose residences, we know nothing about. Some +of these books are so formidable in their dimensions, so rusty and +crabbed in their aspect, that it takes a considerable amount of +courage to attack them. + +I will ask Delilah to bring down from my library a very thick, stout +volume, bound in parchment, and standing on the lower shelf, next the +fireplace. The pretty handmaid knows my books almost as if she were +my librarian, and I don't doubt she would have found it if I had +given only the name on the back. + +Delilah returned presently, with the heavy quarto in her arms. It +was a pleasing sight,--the old book in the embrace of the fresh young +damsel. I felt, on looking at them, as I did when I followed the +slip of a girl who conducted us in the Temple, that ancient building +in the heart of London. The long-enduring monuments of the dead do +so mock the fleeting presence of the living! + +Is n't this book enough to scare any of you? I said, as Delilah +dumped it down upon the table. The teacups jumped from their saucers +as it thumped on the board. Danielis Georgii Morhofii Polyhistor, +Literarius, Philosophicus et Poeticus. Lubecae MDCCXXXIII. Perhaps +I should not have ventured to ask you to look at this old volume, if +it had not been for the fact that Dr. Johnson mentions Morohof as the +author to whom he was specially indebted. --more, I think, than to +any other. It is a grand old encyclopaedic summary of all the author +knew about pretty nearly everything, full of curious interest, but so +strangely mediaeval, so utterly antiquated in most departments of +knowledge, that it is hard to believe the volume came from the press +at a time when persons whom I well remember were living. Is it +possible that the books which have been for me what Morhof was for +Dr. Johnson can look like that to the student of the year 1990? + +Morhof was a believer in magic and the transmutation of metals. +There was always something fascinating to me in the old books of +alchemy. I have felt that the poetry of science lost its wings when +the last powder of projection had been cast into the crucible, and +the fire of the last transmutation furnace went out. Perhaps I am +wrong in implying that alchemy is an extinct folly. It existed in +New England's early days, as we learn from the Winthrop papers, and I +see no reason why gold-making should not have its votaries as well as +other popular delusions. + +Among the essays of Morhof is one on the "Paradoxes of the Senses." +That title brought to mind the recollection of another work I have +been meaning to say something about, at some time when you were in +the listening mood. The book I refer to is "A Budget of Paradoxes," +by Augustus De Morgan. De Morgan is well remembered as a very +distinguished mathematician, whose works have kept his name in high +honor to the present time. The book I am speaking of was published +by his widow, and is largely made up of letters received by him and +his comments upon them. Few persons ever read it through. Few +intelligent readers ever took it up and laid it down without taking a +long draught of its singular and interesting contents. The letters +are mostly from that class of persons whom we call "cranks," in our +familiar language. + +At this point Number Seven interrupted me by calling out, "Give us +some of those cranks' letters. A crank is a man who does his own +thinking. I had a relation who was called a crank. I believe I have +been spoken of as one myself. That is what you have to expect if you +invent anything that puts an old machine out of fashion, or solve a +problem that has puzzled all the world up to your time. There never +was a religion founded but its Messiah was called a crank. There +never was an idea started that woke up men out of their stupid +indifference but its originator was spoken of as a crank. Do you +want to know why that name is given to the men who do most for the +world's progress? I will tell you. It is because cranks make all +the wheels in all the machinery of the world go round. What would a +steam-engine be without a crank? I suppose the first fool that +looked on the first crank that was ever made asked what that crooked, +queer-looking thing was good for. When the wheels got moving he +found out. Tell us something about that book which has so much to +say concerning cranks." + +Hereupon I requested Delilah to carry back Morhof, and replace him in +the wide gap he had left in the bookshelf. She was then to find and +bring down the volume I had been speaking of. + +Delilah took the wisdom of the seventeenth century in her arms, and +departed on her errand. The book she brought down was given me some +years ago by a gentleman who had sagaciously foreseen that it was +just one of those works which I might hesitate about buying, but +should be well pleased to own. He guessed well; the book has been a +great source of instruction and entertainment to me. I wonder that +so much time and cost should have been expended upon a work which +might have borne a title like the Encomium Moriae of Erasmus; and yet +it is such a wonderful museum of the productions of the squinting +brains belonging to the class of persons commonly known as cranks +that we could hardly spare one of its five hundred octavo pages. + +Those of us who are in the habit of receiving letters from all sorts +of would-be-literary people--letters of inquiry, many of them with +reference to matters we are supposed to understand--can readily see +how it was that Mr. De Morgan, never too busy to be good-natured with +the people who pestered--or amused-him with their queer fancies, +received such a number of letters from persons who thought they had +made great discoveries, from those who felt that they and their +inventions and contrivances had been overlooked, and who sought in +his large charity of disposition and great receptiveness a balm for +their wounded feelings and a ray of hope for their darkened +prospects. + +The book before us is made up from papers published in "The +Athenaeum," with additions by the author. Soon after opening it we +come to names with which we are familiar, the first of these, that of +Cornelius Agrippa, being connected with the occult and mystic +doctrines dealt with by many of De Morgan's correspondents. But the +name most likely to arrest us is that of Giordano Bruno, the same +philosopher, heretic, and martyr whose statue has recently been +erected in Rome, to the great horror of the Pope and his prelates in +the Old World and in the New. De Morgan's pithy account of him will +interest the company : "Giordano Bruno was all paradox. He was, as +has been said, a vorticist before Descartes, an optimist before +Leibnitz, a Copernican before Galileo. It would be easy to collect a +hundred strange opinions of his. He was born about 1550, and was +roasted alive at Rome, February 17, 1600, for the maintenance and +defence of the Holy Church, and the rights and liberties of the +same." + +Number Seven could not contain himself when the reading had reached +this point. He rose from his chair, and tinkled his spoon against +the side of his teacup. It may have been a fancy, but I thought it +returned a sound which Mr. Richard Briggs would have recognized as +implying an organic defect. But Number Seven did not seem to notice +it, or, if be did, to mind it. + +"Why did n't we all have a chance to help erect that statue?" he +cried. "A murdered heretic at the beginning of the seventeenth +century, a hero of knowledge in the nineteenth,--I drink to the +memory of the roasted crank, Giordano Bruno!" + +Number Seven lifted his teacup to his lips, and most of us followed +his example. + +After this outburst of emotion and eloquence had subsided, and the +teaspoons lay quietly in their saucers, I went on with my extract +from the book I had in hand. + +I think, I said, that the passage which follows will be new and +instructive to most of the company. De Morgan's interpretation of +the cabalistic sentence, made up as you will find it, is about as +ingenious a piece of fanciful exposition as you will be likely to +meet with anywhere in any book, new or old. I am the more willing to +mention it as it suggests a puzzle which some of the company may like +to work upon. Observe the character and position of the two +distinguished philosophers who did not think their time thrown away +in laboring at this seemingly puerile task. + +"There is a kind of Cabbala Alphabetica which the investigators of +the numerals in words would do well to take up; it is the formation +of sentences which contain all the letters of the alphabet, and each +only once. No one has done it with v and j treated as consonants; +but you and I can do it. Dr. Whewell and I amused ourselves some +years ago with attempts. He could not make sense, though he joined +words he gave me Phiz, styx, wrong, buck, flame, quiz. + +"I gave him the following, which he agreed was 'admirable sense,'-- +I certainly think the words would never have come together except in +this way: I quartz pyx who fling muck beds. I long thought that no +human being could say this under any circumstances. At last I +happened to be reading a religious writer,--as he thought himself,-- +who threw aspersions on his opponents thick and threefold. Heyday +came into my head; this fellow flings muck beds; he must be a quartz +pyx. And then I remembered that a pyx is a sacred vessel, and quartz +is a hard stone, as hard as the heart of a religious foe-curser. So +that the line is the motto of the ferocious sectarian who turns his +religious vessels into mud-holders, for the benefit of those who will +not see what he sees." + +There are several other sentences given, in which all the letters +(except v and j as consonants) are employed, of which the following +is the best: Get nymph; quiz sad brow; fix luck,--which in more sober +English would be, Marry; be cheerful; watch your business. There is +more edification, mare religion, in this than in all the 666 +interpretations put together." + +There is something very pleasant in the thought of these two sages +playing at jackstraws with the letters of the alphabet. The task +which De Morgan and Dr. Whewell, "the omniscient," set themselves +would not be unworthy of our own ingenious scholars, and it might be +worth while for some one of our popular periodicals to offer a prize +for the best sentence using up the whole alphabet, under the same +conditions as those submitted to by our two philosophers. + +This whole book of De Morgan's seems to me full of instruction. +There is too much of it, no doubt; yet one can put up with the +redundancy for the sake of the multiplicity of shades of credulity +and self-deception it displays in broad daylight. I suspect many of +us are conscious of a second personality in our complex nature, which +has many traits resembling those found in the writers of the letters +addressed to Mr. De Horgan. + +I have not ventured very often nor very deeply into the field of +metaphysics, but if I were disposed to make any claim in that +direction, it would be the recognition of the squinting brain, the +introduction of the term "cerebricity" corresponding to electricity, +the idiotic area in the brain or thinking-marrow, and my studies of +the second member in the partnership of I-My-Self & Co. I add the +Co. with especial reference to a very interesting article in a late +Scribner, by my friend Mr. William James. In this article the reader +will find a full exposition of the doctrine of plural personality +illustrated by striking cases. I have long ago noticed and referred +to the fact of the stratification of the currents of thought in three +layers, one over the other. I have recognized that where there are +two individuals talking together there are really six personalities +engaged in the conversation. But the distinct, separable, +independent individualities, taking up conscious life one after the +other, are brought out by Mr. James and the authorities to which he +refers as I have not elsewhere seen them developed. + +Whether we shall ever find the exact position of the idiotic centre +or area in the brain (if such a spot exists) is uncertain. We know +exactly where the blind spot of the eye is situated, and can +demonstrate it anatomically and physiologically. But we have only +analogy to lead us to infer the possible or even probable existence +of an insensible spot in the thinking-centre. If there is a focal +point where consciousness is at its highest development, it would not +be strange if near by there should prove to be an anaesthetic +district or limited space where no report from the senses was +intelligently interpreted. But all this is mere hypothesis. + +Notwithstanding the fact that I am nominally the head personage of +the circle of Teacups, I do not pretend or wish to deny that we all +look to Number Five as our chief adviser in all the literary +questions that come before us. She reads more and better than any of +us. She is always ready to welcome the first sign of genius, or of +talent which approaches genius. She makes short work with all the +pretenders whose only excuse for appealing to the public is that they +"want to be famous." She is one of the very few persons to whom I am +willing to read any one of my own productions while it is yet in +manuscript, unpublished. I know she is disposed to make more of it +than it deserves; but, on the other hand, there are degrees in her +scale of judgment, and I can distinguish very easily what delights +her from what pleases only, or is, except for her kindly feeling to +the writer, indifferent, or open to severe comment. What is curious +is that she seems to have no literary aspirations, no desire to be +known as a writer. Yet Number Five has more esprit, more sparkle, +more sense in her talk, than many a famous authoress from whom we +should expect brilliant conversation. + +There are mysteries about Number Five. I am not going to describe +her personally. Whether she belongs naturally among the bright young +people, or in the company of the maturer persons, who have had a good +deal of experience of the world, and have reached the wisdom of the +riper decades without losing the graces of the earlier ones, it would +be hard to say. The men and women, young and old, who throng about +her forget their own ages. "There is no such thing as time in her +presence," said the Professor, the other day, in speaking of her. +Whether the Professor is in love with her or not is more than I can +say, but I am sure that he goes to her for literary sympathy and +counsel, just as I do. The reader may remember what Number Five said +about the possibility of her getting a sprained ankle, and her asking +the young Doctor whether he felt equal to taking charge of her if she +did. I would not for the world insinuate that he wishes she would +slip and twist her foot a little,--just a little, you know, but so +that it would have to be laid on a pillow in a chair, and inspected, +and bandaged, and delicately manipulated. There was a banana-skin +which she might naturally have trodden on, in her way to the tea- +table. Nobody can suppose that it was there except by the most +innocent of accidents. There are people who will suspect everybody. +The idea of the Doctor's putting that banana-skin there! People love +to talk in that silly way about doctors. + +Number Five had promised to read us a narrative which she thought +would interest some of the company. Who wrote it she did not tell +us, but I inferred from various circumstances that she had known the +writer. She read the story most effectively in her rich, musical +voice. I noticed that when it came to the sounds of the striking +clock, the ringing of the notes was so like that which reaches us +from some far-off cathedral tower that we wanted to bow our heads, as +if we had just heard a summons to the Angelus. This was the short +story that Number Five read to The Teacups:-- + + +I have somewhere read this anecdote. Louis the Fourteenth was +looking out, one day, from, a window of his palace of Saint-Germain. +It was a beautiful landscape which spread out before him, and the +monarch, exulting in health, strength, and the splendors of his +exalted position, felt his bosom swell with emotions of pride and +happiness: Presently he noticed the towers of a church in the +distance, above the treetops. "What building is that?" he asked. +"May it please your Majesty, that is the Church of St. Denis, where +your royal ancestors have been buried for many generations." The +answer did not "please his Royal Majesty." There, then, was the +place where he too was to lie and moulder in the dust. He turned, +sick at heart, from the window, and was uneasy until he had built him +another palace, from which he could never be appalled by that fatal +prospect. + +Something like the experience of Louis the Fourteenth was that of the +owner of + + + THE TERRIBLE CLOCK. + +I give the story as transcribed from the original manuscript:-- + +The clock was bequeathed to me by an old friend who had recently +died. His mind had been a good deal disordered in the later period +of his life. This clock, I am told; seemed to have a strange +fascination for him. His eyes were fastened on it during the last +hours of his life. He died just at midnight. The clock struck +twelve, the nurse told me, as he drew his last breath, and then, +without any known cause, stopped, with both hands upon the hour. + +It is a complex and costly piece of mechanism. The escapement is in +front, so that every tooth is seen as it frees itself. It shows the +phases of the moon, the month of the year, the day of the month, and +the day of the week, as well as the hour and minute of the day. + +I had not owned it a week before I began to perceive the same kind of +fascination as that which its former owner had experienced. This +gradually grew upon me, and presently led to trains of thought which +became at first unwelcome, then worrying, and at last unendurable. I +began by taking offence at the moon. I did not like to see that +"something large and smooth and round," so like the skull which +little Peterkin picked up on the field of Blenheim. "How many +times," I kept saying to myself, "is that wicked old moon coming up +to stare at me?" I could not stand it. I stopped a part of the +machinery, and the moon went into permanent eclipse. By and by the +sounds of the infernal machine began to trouble and pursue me. They +talked to me; more and more their language became that of +articulately speaking men. They twitted me with the rapid flight of +time. They hurried me, as if I had not a moment to lose. Quick! +Quick! Quick! as each tooth released itself from the escapement. And +as I looked and listened there could not be any mistake about it. I +heard Quick! Quick! Quick! as plainly, at least, as I ever heard a +word from the phonograph. I stood watching the dial one day,--it was +near one o'clock,--and a strange attraction held me fastened to the +spot. Presently something appeared to trip or stumble inside of the +infernal mechanism. I waited for the sound I knew was to follow. +How nervous I got! It seemed to me that it would never strike. At +last the minute-hand reached the highest point of the dial. Then +there was a little stir among the works, as there is in a +congregation as it rises to receive the benediction. It was no form +of blessing which rung out those deep, almost sepulchral tones. But +the word they uttered could not be mistaken. I can hear its +prolonged, solemn vibrations as if I were standing before the clock +at this moment. + +Gone! Yes, I said to myself, gone,--its record made up to be opened +in eternity. + +I stood still, staring vaguely at the dial as in a trance. And as +the next hour creeps stealthily up, it starts all at once, and cries +aloud, Gone! --Gone! The sun sinks lower, the hour-hand creeps +downward with it, until I hear the thrice-repeated monosyllable, +Gone! --Gone! --Gone! Soon through the darkening hours, until at the +dead of night the long roll is called, and with the last Gone! the +latest of the long procession that filled the day follows its ghostly +companions into the stillness and darkness of the past. + +I silenced the striking part of the works. Still, the escapement +kept repeating, Quick! Quick! Quick! Still the long minute-hand, +like the dart in the grasp of Death, as we see it in Roubiliac's +monument to Mrs. Nightingale, among the tombs of Westminster Abbey, +stretched itself out, ready to transfix each hour as it passed, and +make it my last. I sat by the clock to watch the leap from one day +of the week to the next. Then would come, in natural order, the long +stride from one month to the following one. + +I could endure it no longer. "Take that clock away!" I said. They +took it away. They took me away, too,--they thought I needed country +air. The sounds and motions still pursued me in imagination. I was +very nervous when I came here. The walks are pleasant, but the walls +seem to me unnecessarily high. The boarders are numerous; a little +miscellaneous, I think. But we have the Queen, and the President of +the United States, and several other distinguished persons, if we may +trust what they tell about themselves. + +After we had listened to Number Five's story, I was requested to read +a couple of verses written by me when the guest of my friends, whose +name is hinted by the title prefixed to my lines. + + LA MAISON D'OR. + + BAR HARBOR. + +>From this fair home behold on either side +The restful mountains or the restless sea: +So the warm sheltering walls of life divide +Time and its tides from still eternity. + +Look on the waves: their stormy voices teach +That not on earth may toil and struggle cease. +Look on the mountains: better far than speech +Their silent promise of eternal peace. + + + + +VIII. + +I had intended to devote this particular report to an account of my +replies to certain questions which have been addressed to me,-- +questions which I have a right to suppose interest the public, and +which, therefore, I was justified in bringing before The Teacups, and +presenting to the readers of these articles. + +Some may care for one of these questions, and some for another. A +good many young people think nothing about life as it presents itself +in the far horizon, bounded by the snowy ridges of threescore and the +dim peaks beyond that remote barrier. Again, there are numbers of +persons who know nothing at all about the Jews; while, on the other +hand, there are those who can, or think they can, detect the +Israelitish blood in many of their acquaintances who believe +themselves of the purest Japhetic origin, and are full of prejudices +about the Semitic race. + +I do not mean to be cheated out of my intentions. I propose to +answer my questioners on the two points just referred to, but I find +myself so much interested in the personal affairs of The Teacups that +I must deal with them before attacking those less exciting subjects. +There is no use, let me say here, in addressing to me letters marked +"personal," "private," "confidential," and so forth, asking me how I +came to know what happened in certain conversations of which I shall +give a partial account. If there is a very sensitive phonograph +lying about here and there in unsuspected corners, that might account +for some part of my revelations. If Delilah, whose hearing is of +almost supernatural delicacy, reports to me what she overhears, it +might explain a part of the mystery. I do not want to accuse +Delilah, but a young person who assures me she can hear my watch +ticking in my pocket, when I am in the next room, might undoubtedly +tell many secrets, if so disposed. Number Five is pretty nearly +omniscient, and she and I are on the best terms with each other. +These are all the hints I shall give you at present. + +The Teacups of whom the least has been heard at our table are the +Tutor and the Musician. The Tutor is a modest young man, kept down a +little, I think, by the presence of older persons, like the Professor +and myself. I have met him several times, of late, walking with +different lady Teacups: once with the American Annex; twice with the +English Annex; once with the two Annexes together; once with Number +Five. + +I have mentioned the fact that the Tutor is a poet as among his +claims to our attention. I must add that I do not think any the +worse of him for expressing his emotions and experiences in verse. +For though rhyming is often a bad sign in a young man, especially if +he is already out of his teens, there are those to whom it is as +natural, one might almost say as necessary, as it is to a young bird +to fly. One does not care to see barnyard fowls tumbling about in +trying to use their wings. They have a pair of good, stout +drumsticks, and had better keep to them, for the most part. But that +feeling does not apply to young eagles, or even to young swallows and +sparrows. The Tutor is by no means one of those ignorant, silly, +conceited phrase-tinklers, who live on the music of their own +jingling syllables and the flattery of their foolish friends. I +think Number Five must appreciate him. He is sincere, warmhearted,-- +his poetry shows that,--not in haste to be famous, and he looks to me +as if he only wanted love to steady him. With one of those two young +girls he ought certainly to be captivated, if he is not already. +Twice walking with the English Annex, I met him, and they were so +deeply absorbed in conversation they hardly noticed me. He has been +talking over the matter with Number Five, who is just the kind of +person for a confidante. + +"I know I feel very lonely," he was saying, "and I only wish I felt +sure that I could make another person happy. My life would be +transfigured if I could find such a one, whom I could love well +enough to give my life to her,--for her, if that were needful, and +who felt an affinity for me, if any one could." + +"And why not your English maiden?" said Number Five. + +"What makes you think I care more for her than for her American +friend?" said the Tutor. + +"Why, have n't I met you walking with her, and did n't you both seem +greatly interested in the subject you were discussing? I thought, of +course, it was something more or less sentimental that you were +talking about." + +"I was explaining that 'enclitic de' in Browning's Grammarian's +Funeral. I don't think there was anything very sentimental about +that. She is an inquisitive creature, that English girl. She is +very fond of asking me questions,--in fact, both of them are. There +is one curious difference between them: the English girl settles down +into her answers and is quiet; the American girl is never satisfied +with yesterday's conclusions; she is always reopening old questions +in the light of some new fact or some novel idea. I suppose that +people bred from childhood to lean their backs against the wall of +the Creed and the church catechism find it hard to sit up straight on +the republican stool, which obliges them to stiffen their own backs. +Which of these two girls would be the safest choice for a young man? +I should really like to hear what answer yon would make if I +consulted you seriously, with a view to my own choice,--on the +supposition that there was a fair chance that either of them might be +won." + +"The one you are in love with," answered Number Five. + +"But what if it were a case of 'How happy could I be with either'? +Which offers the best chance of happiness,--a marriage between two +persons of the same country, or a marriage where one of the parties +is of foreign birth? Everything else being equal, which is best for +an American to marry, an American or an English girl? We need not +confine the question to those two young persons, but put it more +generally." + +"There are reasons on both sides," answered Number Five. "I have +often talked this matter over with The Dictator. This is the way he +speaks about it. English blood is apt to tell well on the stock upon +which it is engrafted. Over and over again he has noticed finely +grown specimens of human beings, and on inquiry has found that one or +both of the parents or grandparents were of British origin. The +chances are that the descendants of the imported stock will be of a +richer organization, more florid, more muscular, with mellower +voices, than the native whose blood has been unmingled with that of +new emigrants since the earlier colonial times. --So talks The +Dictator. --I myself think the American will find his English wife +concentrates herself more readily and more exclusively on her +husband,--for the obvious reason that she is obliged to live mainly +in him. I remember hearing an old friend of my early days say, +'A woman does not bear transplanting.' It does not do to trust these +old sayings, and yet they almost always have some foundation in the +experience of mankind, which has repeated them from generation to +generation. Happy is the married woman of foreign birth who can say +to her husband, as Andromache said to Hector, after enumerating all +the dear relatives she had lost, + + 'Yet while my hector still survives, + I see My father, mother, brethren, all in thee!' + +How many a sorrowing wife, exiled from her native country, dreams of +the mother she shall see no more! How many a widow, in a strange +land, wishes that her poor, worn-out body could be laid among her +kinsfolk, in the little churchyard where she used to gather daisies +in her childhood! It takes a great deal of love to keep down the ° +climbing sorrow' that swells up in a woman's throat when such +memories seize upon her, in her moments of desolation. But if a +foreign-born woman does willingly give up all for a man, and never +looks backward, like Lot's wife, she is a prize that it is worth +running a risk to gain,--that is, if she has the making of a good +woman in her; and a few years will go far towards naturalizing her." + +The Tutor listened to Number Five with much apparent interest. "And +now," he said, "what do you think of her companion?" + +"A charming girl for a man of a quiet, easy temperament. The great +trouble is with her voice. It is pitched a full note too high. It +is aggressive, disturbing, and would wear out a nervous man without +his ever knowing what was the matter with him. A good many crazy +Northern people would recover their reason if they could live for a +year or two among the blacks of the Southern States. But the +penetrating, perturbing quality of the voices of many of our Northern +women has a great deal to answer for in the way of determining love +and friendship. You remember that dear friend of ours who left us +not long since? If there were more voices like hers, the world would +be a different place to live in. I do not believe any man or woman +ever came within the range of those sweet, tranquil tones without +being hushed, captivated, entranced I might almost say, by their +calming, soothing influence. Can you not imagine the tones in which +those words, 'Peace, be still,' were spoken? Such was the effect of +the voice to which but a few weeks ago we were listening. It is hard +to believe that it has died out of human consciousness. Can such a +voice be spared from that world of happiness to which we fondly look +forward, where we love to dream, if we do not believe with assured +conviction, that whatever is loveliest in this our mortal condition +shall be with us again as an undying possession? Your English friend +has a very agreeable voice, round, mellow, cheery, and her +articulation is charming. Other things being equal, I think you, who +are, perhaps, oversensitive, would live from two to three years +longer with her than with the other. I suppose a man who lived +within hearing of a murmuring brook would find his life shortened if +a sawmill were set up within earshot of his dwelling." + +"And so you advise me to make love to the English girl, do you?" +asked the Tutor. + +Number Five laughed. It was not a loud laugh, she never laughed +noisily; it was not a very hearty laugh; the idea did not seem to +amuse her much. + +"No," she said, "I won't take the responsibility. Perhaps this is a +case in which the true reading of Gay's line would be + + How happy could I be with neither. + +There are several young women in the world besides our two Annexes." + +I question whether the Tutor had asked those questions very +seriously, and I doubt if Number Five thought he was very much in +earnest. + + +One of The Teacups reminded me that I had promised to say something +of my answers to certain questions. So I began at once: + +I have given the name of brain-tappers to the literary operatives who +address persons whose names are well known to the public, asking +their opinions or their experiences on subjects which are at the time +of general interest. They expect a literary man or a scientific +expert to furnish them materials for symposia and similar articles, +to be used by them for their own special purposes. Sometimes they +expect to pay for the information furnished them; at other times, the +honor of being included in a list of noted personages who have +received similar requests is thought sufficient compensation. The +object with which the brain-tapper puts his questions may be a purely +benevolent and entirely disinterested one. Such was the object of +some of those questions which I have received and answered. There +are other cases, in which the brain-tapper is acting much as those +persons do who stop a physician in the street to talk with him about +their livers or stomachs, or other internal arrangements, instead of +going to his office and consulting him, expecting to pay for his +advice. Others are more like those busy women who, having the +generous intention of making a handsome present to their pastor, at +as little expense as may be, send to all their neighbors and +acquaintances for scraps of various materials, out of which the +imposing "bedspread" or counterpane is to be elaborated. + +That is all very well so long as old pieces of stuff are all they +call for, but it is a different matter to ask for clippings out of +new and uncut rolls of cloth. So it is one thing to ask an author +for liberty to use extracts from his published writings, and it is a +very different thing to expect him to write expressly for the +editor's or compiler's piece of literary patchwork. + +I have received many questions within the last year or two, some of +which I am willing to answer, but prefer to answer at my own time, in +my own way, through my customary channel of communication with the +public. I hope I shall not be misunderstood as implying any reproach +against the inquirers who, in order to get at facts which ought to be +known, apply to all whom they can reach for information. Their +inquisitiveness is not always agreeable or welcome, but we ought to +be glad that there are mousing fact-hunters to worry us with queries +to which, for the sake of the public, we are bound to give our +attention. Let me begin with my brain-tappers. + +And first, as the papers have given publicity to the fact that I, The +Dictator of this tea-table, have reached the age of threescore years +and twenty, I am requested to give information as to how I managed to +do it, and to explain just how they can go and do likewise. I think +I can lay down a few rules that will help them to the desired result. +There is no certainty in these biological problems, but there are +reasonable probabilities upon which it is safe to act. + +The first thing to be done is, some years before birth, to advertise +for a couple of parents both belonging to long-lived families. +Especially let the mother come of a race in which octogenarians and +nonagenarians are very common phenomena. There are practical +difficulties in following out this suggestion, but possibly the +forethought of your progenitors, or that concurrence of circumstances +which we call accident, may have arranged this for you. + +Do not think that a robust organization is any warrant of long life, +nor that a frail and slight bodily constitution necessarily means +scanty length of days. Many a strong-limbed young man and many a +blooming young woman have I seen failing and dropping away in or +before middle life, and many a delicate and slightly constituted +person outliving the athletes and the beauties of their generation. +Whether the excessive development of the muscular system is +compatible with the best condition of general health is, I think, +more than doubtful. The muscles are great sponges that suck up and +make use of large quantities of blood, and the other organs must be +liable to suffer for want of their share. + +One of the Seven Wise Men of Greece boiled his wisdom down into two +words, --NOTHING TOO MUCH. It is a rule which will apply to food, +exercise, labor, sleep, and, in short, to every part of life. This +is not so very difficult a matter if one begins in good season and +forms regular habits. But what if I should lay down the rule, Be +cheerful; take all the troubles and trials of life with perfect +equanimity and a smiling countenance? Admirable directions! Your +friend, the curly-haired blonde, with florid complexion, round +cheeks, the best possible digestion and respiration, the stomach of +an ostrich and the lungs of a pearl-diver, finds it perfectly easy to +carry them into practice. You, of leaden complexion, with black and +lank hair, lean, hollow-eyed, dyspeptic, nervous, find it not so easy +to be always hilarious and happy. The truth is that the persons of +that buoyant disposition which comes always heralded by a smile, as a +yacht driven by a favoring breeze carries a wreath of sparkling foam +before her, are born with their happiness ready made. They cannot +help being cheerful any more than their saturnine fellow-mortal can +help seeing everything through the cloud he carries with him. I give +you the precept, then, Be cheerful, for just what it is worth, as I +would recommend to you to be six feet, or at least five feet ten, in +stature. You cannot settle that matter for yourself, but you can +stand up straight, and give your five feet five its --full value. +You can help along a little by wearing high-heeled shoes. So you can +do something to encourage yourself in serenity of aspect and +demeanor, keeping your infirmities and troubles in the background +instead of making them the staple of your conversation. This piece +of advice, if followed, may be worth from three to five years of the +fourscore which you hope to attain. + +If, on the other hand, instead of going about cheerily in society, +making the best of everything and as far as possible forgetting your +troubles, you can make up your mind to economize all your stores of +vital energy, to hoard your life as a miser hoards his money, you +will stand a fair chance of living until you are tired of life,-- +fortunate if everybody is not tired of you. + +One of my prescriptions for longevity may startle you somewhat. It +is this: Become the subject of a mortal disease. Let half a dozen +doctors thump you, and knead you, and test you in every possible way, +and render their verdict that you have an internal complaint; they +don't know exactly what it is, but it will certainly kill you by and +by. Then bid farewell to the world and shut yourself up for an +invalid. If you are threescore years old when you begin this mode of +life, you may very probably last twenty years, and there you are,--an +octogenarian. In the mean time, your friends outside have been +dropping off, one after another, until you find yourself almost +alone, nursing your mortal complaint as if it were your baby, hugging +it and kept alive by it,--if to exist is to live. Who has not seen +cases like this,--a man or a woman shutting himself or herself up, +visited by a doctor or a succession of doctors (I remember that once, +in my earlier experience, I was the twenty-seventh physician who had +been consulted), always taking medicine, until everybody was reminded +of that impatient speech of a relative of one of these invalid +vampires who live on the blood of tired-out attendants, "I do wish +she would get well--or something"? Persons who are shut up in that +way, confined to their chambers, sometimes to their beds, have a very +small amount of vital expenditure, and wear out very little of their +living substance. They are like lamps with half their wicks picked +down, and will continue to burn when other lamps have used up all +their oil. An insurance office might make money by taking no risks +except on lives of persons suffering from mortal disease. It is on +this principle of economizing the powers of life that a very eminent +American physician, --Dr. Weir Mitchell, a man of genius,--has +founded his treatment of certain cases of nervous exhaustion. + +What have I got to say about temperance, the use of animal food, and +so forth? These are questions asked me. Nature has proved a wise +teacher, as I think, in my own case. The older I grow, the less use +I make of alcoholic stimulants. In fact, I hardly meddle with them +at all, except a glass or two of champagne occasionally. I find that +by far the best borne of all drinks containing alcohol. I do not +suppose my experience can be the foundation of a universal rule. Dr. +Holyoke, who lived to be a hundred, used habitually, in moderate +quantities, a mixture of cider, water, and rum. I think, as one +grows older, less food, especially less animal food, is required. +But old people have a right to be epicures, if they can afford it. +The pleasures of the palate are among the last gratifications of the +senses allowed them. We begin life as little cannibals,--feeding on +the flesh and blood of our mothers. We range through all the +vegetable and animal products, of nature, and I suppose, if the +second childhood could return to the food of the first, it might +prove a wholesome diet. + +What do I say to smoking? I cannot grudge an old man his pipe, but I +think tobacco often does a good deal of harm to the health,--to the +eyes especially, to the nervous system generally, producing headache, +palpitation, and trembling. I myself gave it up many years ago. +Philosophically speaking, I think self-narcotization and self- +alcoholization are rather ignoble substitutes for undisturbed self- +consciousness and unfettered self-control. + +Here is another of those brain-tapping letters, of similar character, +which I have no objection to answering at my own time and in the +place which best suits me. As the questions must be supposed to be +asked with a purely scientific and philanthropic purpose, it can make +little difference when and where they are answered. For myself, I +prefer our own tea-table to the symposia to which I am often invited. +I do not quarrel with those who invite their friends to a banquet to +which many strangers are expected to contribute. It is a very easy +and pleasant way of giving an entertainment at little cost and with +no responsibility. Somebody has been writing to me about "Oatmeal +and Literature," and somebody else wants to know whether I have found +character influenced by diet; also whether, in my opinion, oatmeal is +preferable to pie as an American national food. + +In answer to these questions, I should say that I have my beliefs and +prejudices; but if I were pressed hard for my proofs of their +correctness, I should make but a poor show in the witness-box. Most +assuredly I do believe that body and mind are much influenced by the +kind of food habitually depended upon. I am persuaded that a too +exclusively porcine diet gives a bristly character to the beard and +hair, which is borrowed from the animal whose tissues these stiff- +bearded compatriots of ours have too largely assimilated. I can +never stray among the village people of our windy capes without now +and then coming upon a human being who looks as if he had been split, +salted, and dried, like the salt-fish which has built up his arid +organism. If the body is modified by the food which nourishes it, +the mind and character very certainly will be modified by it also. +We know enough of their close connection with each other to be sure +of that, without any statistical observations to prove it. + +Do you really want to know "whether oatmeal is preferable to pie as +an American national food"? I suppose the best answer I can give to +your question is to tell you what is my own practice. Oatmeal in the +morning, as an architect lays a bed of concrete to form a base for +his superstructure. Pie when I can get it; that is, of the genuine +sort, for I am not patriotic enough to think very highly of the +article named after the Father of his Country, who was first in war, +first in peace,--not first in pies, according to my standard. + +There is a very odd prejudice against pie as an article of diet. It +is common to hear every form of bodily degeneracy and infirmity +attributed to this particular favorite food. I see no reason or +sense in it. Mr. Emerson believed in pie, and was almost indignant +when a fellow-traveller refused the slice he offered him. "Why, +Mr.________ ," said be, "what is pie made for!" If every Green +Mountain boy has not eaten a thousand times his weight in apple, +pumpkin, squash, and mince pie, call me a dumpling. And Colonel +Ethan Allen was one of them,--Ethan Allen, who, as they used to say, +could wrench off the head of a wrought nail with his teeth. + +If you mean to keep as well as possible, the less you think about +your health the better. You know enough not to eat or drink what you +have found does not agree with you. You ought to know enough not to +expose yourself needlessly to draughts. If you take a +"constitutional," walk with the wind when you can, and take a closed +car against it if you can get one. Walking against the wind is one +of the most dangerous kinds of exposure, if you are sensitive to +cold. But except a few simple rules such as I have just given, let +your health take care of itself so long as it behaves decently. If +you want to be sure not to reach threescore and twenty, get a little +box of homoeopathic pellets and a little book of homeopathic +prescriptions. I had a poor friend who fell into that way, and +became at last a regular Hahnemaniac. He left a box of his little +jokers, which at last came into my hands. The poor fellow had +cultivated symptoms as other people cultivate roses or +chrysanthemums. What a luxury of choice his imagination presented to +him! When one watches for symptoms, every organ in the body is ready +to put in its claim. By and by a real illness attacked him, and the +box of little pellets was shut up, to minister to his fancied evils +no longer. + +Let me tell you one thing. I think if patients and physicians were +in the habit of recognizing the fact I am going to mention, both +would be gainers. The law I refer to must be familiar to all +observing physicians, and to all intelligent persons who have +observed their own bodily and mental conditions. This is the curve +of health. It is a mistake to suppose that the normal state of +health is represented by a straight horizontal line. Independently +of the well-known causes which raise or depress the standard of +vitality, there seems to be,--I think I may venture to say there is, +--a rhythmic undulation in the flow of the vital force. The "dynamo" +which furnishes the working powers of consciousness and action has +its annual, its monthly, its diurnal waves, even its momentary +ripples, in the current it furnishes. There are greater and lesser +curves in the movement of every day's life,--a series of ascending +and descending movements, a periodicity depending on the very nature +of the force at work in the living organism. Thus we have our good +seasons and our bad seasons, our good days and our bad days, life +climbing and descending in long or short undulations, which I have +called the curve of health. + +>From this fact spring a great proportion of the errors of medical +practice. On it are based the delusions of the various shadowy +systems which impose themselves on the ignorant and half-learned +public as branches or "schools" of science. A remedy taken at the +time of the ascent in the curve of health is found successful. The +same remedy taken while the curve is in its downward movement proves +a failure. + +So long as this biological law exists, so long the charlatan will +keep his hold on the ignorant public. So long as it exists, the +wisest practitioner will be liable to deceive himself about the +effect of what he calls and loves to think are his remedies. Long- +continued and sagacious observation will to some extent undeceive +him; but were it not for the happy illusion that his useless or even +deleterious drugs were doing good service, many a practitioner would +give up his calling for one in which he could be more certain that he +was really being useful to the subjects of his professional dealings. +For myself, I should prefer a physician of a sanguine temperament, +who had a firm belief in himself and his methods. I do not wonder at +all that the public support a whole community of pretenders who show +the portraits of the patients they have "cured." The best physicians +will tell you that, though many patients get well under their +treatment, they rarely cure anybody. If you are told also that the +best physician has many more patients die on his hands than the worst +of his fellow-practitioners, you may add these two statements to your +bundle of paradoxes, and if they puzzle you I will explain them at +some future time. + +[I take this opportunity of correcting a statement now going the +rounds of the medical and probably other periodicals. In "The +Journal of the American Medical Association," dated April 26,1890, +published at Chicago, I am reported, in quotation marks, as saying, +"Give me opium, wine, and milk, and I will cure all diseases to which +flesh is heir." + +In the first place, I never said I will cure, or can cure, or would +or could cure, or had cured any disease. My venerated instructor, +Dr. James Jackson, taught me never to use that expression. Curo +means, I take care of, he used to say, and in that sense, if you mean +nothing more, it is properly employed. So, in the amphitheatre of +the Ecole de Medecine, I used to read the words of Ambroise Pare, Je +le pansay, Dieu le guarist." (I dressed his wound, and God cured +him.) Next, I am not in the habit of talking about "the diseases to +which flesh is heir." The expression has become rather too familiar +for repetition, and belongs to the rhetoric of other latitudes. And, +lastly, I have said some plain things, perhaps some sharp ones, about +the abuse of drugs and the limited number of vitally important +remedies, but I am not so ignorantly presumptuous as to make the +foolish statement falsely attributed to me.] + +I paused a minute or two, and as no one spoke out; I put a question +to the Counsellor. + +Are you quite sure that you wish to live to be threescore and twenty +years old? + +"Most certainly I do. Don't they say that Theophrastus lived to his +hundred and seventh year, and did n't he complain of the shortness of +life? At eighty a man has had just about time to get warmly settled +in his nest. Do you suppose he doesn't enjoy the quiet of that +resting-place? No more haggard responsibility to keep him awake +nights,--unless he prefers to retain his hold on offices and duties +from which he can be excused if be chooses. No more goading +ambitions,--he knows he has done his best. No more jealousies, if he +were weak enough to feel such ignoble stirrings in his more active +season. An octogenarian with a good record, and free from annoying +or distressing infirmities, ought to be the happiest of men. +Everybody treats him with deference. Everybody wants to help him. +He is the ward of the generations that have grown up since he was in +the vigor of maturity. Yes, let me live to be fourscore years, and +then I will tell you whether I should like a few more years or not." + +You carry the feelings of middle age, I said, in imagination, over +into the period of senility, and then reason and dream about it as if +its whole mode of being were like that of the earlier period of life. +But how many things there are in old age which you must live into if +you would expect to have any "realizing sense" of their significance! +In the first place, you have no coevals, or next to none. At fifty, +your vessel is stanch, and you are on deck with the rest, in all +weathers. At sixty, the vessel still floats, and you are in the +cabin. At seventy, you, with a few fellow-passengers, are on a raft. +At eighty, you are on a spars to which, possibly, one, or two, or +three friends of about your own age are still clinging. After that, +you must expect soon to find yourself alone, if you are still +floating, with only a life-preserver to keep your old white-bearded +chin above the water. + +Kindness? Yes, pitying kindness, which is a bitter sweet in which +the amiable ingredient can hardly be said to predominate. How +pleasant do you think it is to have an arm offered to you when you +are walking on a level surface, where there is no chance to trip? +How agreeable do you suppose it is to have your well-meaning friends +shout and screech at you, as if you were deaf as an adder, instead of +only being, as you insist, somewhat hard of hearing? I was a little +over twenty years old when I wrote the lines which some of you may +have met with, for they have been often reprinted : + + The mossy marbles rest + On the lips that he has prest + In their bloom, + And the names he loved to hear + Have been carved for many a year + On the tomb. + +The world was a garden to me then; it is a churchyard now. + +"I thought you were one of those who looked upon old age cheerfully, +and welcomed it as a season of peace and contented enjoyment." + +I am one of those who so regard it. Those are not bitter or scalding +tears that fall from my eyes upon "the mossy marbles." The young who +left my side early in my life's journey are still with me in the +unchanged freshness and beauty of youth. Those who have long kept +company with me live on after their seeming departure, were it only +by the mere force of habit; their images are all around me, as if +every surface had been a sensitive film that photographed them; their +voices echo about me, as if they had been recorded on those +unforgetting cylinders which bring back to us the tones and accents +that have imprinted them, as the hardened sands show us the tracks of +extinct animals. The melancholy of old age has a divine tenderness +in it, which only the sad experiences of life can lend a human soul. +But there is a lower level,--that of tranquil contentment and easy +acquiescence in the conditions in which we find ourselves; a lower +level, in which old age trudges patiently when it is not using its +wings. I say its wings, for no period of life is so imaginative as +that which looks to younger people the most prosaic. The atmosphere +of memory is one in which imagination flies more easily and feels +itself more at home than in the thinner ether of youthful +anticipation. I have told you some of the drawbacks of age; I would +not have you forget its privileges. When it comes down from its +aerial excursions, it has much left to enjoy on the humble plane of +being. And so you think you would like to become an octogenarian? +"I should," said the Counsellor, now a man in the high noon of bodily +and mental vigor. "Four more--yes, five more--decades would not be +too much, I think. And how much I should live to see in that time! +I am glad you have laid down some rules by which a man may reasonably +expect to leap the eight barred gate. I won't promise to obey them +all, though." + +Among the questions addressed to me, as to a large number of other +persons, are the following. I take them from "The American Hebrew" +of April 4, 1890. I cannot pretend to answer them all, but I can say +something about one or two of them. + +"I. Can you, of your own personal experience, find any justification +whatever for the entertainment of prejudice towards individuals +solely because they are Jews? + +"II. Is this prejudice not due largely to the religious instruction +that is given by the church acid Sunday-school? For instance, the +teachings that the Jews crucified Jesus; that they rejected him, and +can only secure salvation by belief in him, and similar matters that +are calculated to excite in the impressionable mind of the child an +aversion, if not a loathing, for members of 'the despised race.' + +"III. Have you observed in the social or business life of the Jew, +so far as your personal experience has gone, any different standard +of conduct than prevails among Christians of the same social status? + +"IV. Can you suggest what should be done to dispel the existing +prejudice?" + +As to the first question, I have had very slight acquaintance with +the children of Israel. I shared more or less the prevailing +prejudices against the persecuted race. I used to read in my hymn- +book,--I hope I quote correctly,-- + + "See what a living stone + The builders did refuse! + Yet God has built his church thereon, + In spite of envious Jews." + +I grew up inheriting the traditional idea that they were a race lying +under a curse for their obstinacy in refusing the gospel. Like other +children of New England birth, I walked in the narrow path of Puritan +exclusiveness. The great historical church of Christendom was +presented to me as Bunyan depicted it: one of the two giants sitting +at the door of their caves, with the bones, of pilgrims scattered +about them, and grinning at the travellers whom they could no longer +devour. In the nurseries of old-fashioned Orthodoxy there was one +religion in the world,--one religion, and a multitude of detestable, +literally damnable impositions, believed in by uncounted millions, +who were doomed to perdition for so believing. The Jews were the +believers in one of these false religions. It had been true once, +but was now a pernicious and abominable lie. The principal use of +the Jews seemed to be to lend money, and to fulfil the predictions of +the old prophets of their race. + +No doubt the individual sons of Abraham whom we found in our ill- +favored and ill-flavored streets were apt to be unpleasing specimens +of the race. It was against the most adverse influences of +legislation, of religious feeling, of social repugnance, that the +great names of Jewish origin made themselves illustrious; that the +philosophers, the musicians, the financiers, the statesmen, of the +last centuries forced the world to recognize and accept them. +Benjamin, the son of Isaac, a son of Israel, as his family name makes +obvious, has shown how largely Jewish blood has been represented in +the great men and women of modern days. + +There are two virtues which Christians have found it very hard to +exemplify in practice. These are modesty and civility. The Founder +of the Christian religion appeared among a people accustomed to look +for a Messiah, a special ambassador from heaven, with an +authoritative message. They were intimately acquainted with every +expression having reference to this divine messenger. They had a +religion of their own, about which Christianity agrees with Judaism +in asserting that it was of divine origin. It is a serious fact, to +which we do not give all the attention it deserves, that this +divinely instructed people were not satisfied with the evidence that +the young Rabbi who came to overthrow their ancient church and found +a new one was a supernatural being. "We think he was a great +Doctor," said a Jewish companion with whom I was conversing. He +meant a great Teacher, I presume, though healing the sick was one of +his special offices. Instead of remembering that they were entitled +to form their own judgment of the new Teacher, as they had judged of +Hillel and other great instructors, Christians, as they called +themselves, have insulted, calumniated, oppressed, abased, outraged, +"the chosen race" during the long succession of centuries since the +Jewish contemporaries of the Founder of Christianity made up their +minds that he did not meet the conditions required by the subject of +the predictions of their Scriptures. The course of the argument +against them is very briefly and effectively stated by Mr. Emerson: + +"This was Jehovah come down out of heaven. I will kill you if you +say he was a man." + +It seems as if there should be certain laws of etiquette regulating +the relation of different religions to each other. It is not civil +for a follower of Mahomet to call his neighbor of another creed a +"Christian dog." Still more, there should be something like +politeness in the bearing of Christian sects toward each other, and +of believers in the new dispensation toward those who still adhere to +the old. We are in the habit of allowing a certain arrogant +assumption to our Roman Catholic brethren. We have got used to their +pretensions. They may call us "heretics," if they like. They may +speak of us as "infidels," if they choose, especially if they say it +in Latin. So long as there is no inquisition, so long as there is no +auto da fe, we do not mind the hard words much; and we have as good +phrases to give them back: the Man of Sin and the Scarlet Woman will +serve for examples. But it is better to be civil to each other all +round. I doubt if a convert to the religion of Mahomet was ever made +by calling a man a Christian dog. I doubt if a Hebrew ever became a +good Christian if the baptismal rite was performed by spitting on his +Jewish gabardine. I have often thought of the advance in comity and +true charity shown in the title of my late honored friend James +Freeman Clarke's book, "The Ten Great Religions." If the creeds of +mankind try to understand each other before attempting mutual +extermination, they will be sure to find a meaning in beliefs which +are different from their own. The old Calvinistic spirit was almost +savagely exclusive. While the author of the "Ten Great Religions" +was growing up in Boston under the benignant, large-minded teachings +of the Rev. James Freeman, the famous Dr. John M. Mason, at New +York, was fiercely attacking the noble humanity of "The Universal +Prayer." "In preaching," says his biographer, "he once quoted Pope's +lines as to God's being adored alike 'by saint, by savage, and by +sage,' and pronounced it (in his deepest guttural) 'the most damnable +lie.'" + +What could the Hebrew expect when a Christian preacher could use such +language about a petition breathing the very soul of humanity? +Happily, the true human spirit is encroaching on that arrogant and +narrow-minded form of selfishness which called itself Christianity. + +The golden rule should govern us in dealing with those whom we call +unbelievers, with heathen, and with all who do not accept our +religious views. The Jews are with us as a perpetual lesson to teach +us modesty and civility. The religion we profess is not self- +evident. It did not convince the people to whom it was sent. We +have no claim to take it for granted that we are all right, and they +are all wrong. And, therefore, in the midst of all the triumphs of +Christianity, it is well that the stately synagogue should lift its +walls by the side of the aspiring cathedral, a perpetual reminder +that there are many mansions in the Father's earthly house as well as +in the heavenly one; that civilized humanity, longer in time and +broader in space than any historical form of belief, is mightier than +any one institution or organization it includes. + +Many years ago I argued with myself the proposition which my Hebrew +correspondent has suggested. Recognizing the fact that I was born to +a birthright of national and social prejudices against "the chosen +people,"--chosen as the object of contumely and abuse by the rest of +the world,--I pictured my own inherited feelings of aversion in all +their intensity, and the strain of thought under the influence of +which those prejudices gave way to a more human, a more truly +Christian feeling of brotherhood. I must ask your indulgence while I +quote a few verses from a poem of my own, printed long ago under the +title "At the Pantomime." + +I was crowded between two children of Israel, and gave free inward +expression to my feelings. All at once I happened to look more +closely at one of my neighbors, and saw that the youth was the very +ideal of the Son of Mary. + + A fresh young cheek whose olive hue + The mantling blood shows faintly through; + Locks dark as midnight, that divide + And shade the neck on either side; + Soft, gentle, loving eyes that gleam + Clear as a starlit mountain stream; + So looked that other child of Shem, + The Maiden's Boy of Bethlehem! + + --And thou couldst scorn the peerless blood + That flows unmingled from the Flood, + Thy scutcheon spotted with the stains + Of Norman thieves and pirate Danes! + The New World's foundling, in thy pride + Scowl on the Hebrew at thy side, + And lo! the very semblance there + The Lord of Glory deigned to wear! + + I see that radiant image rise, + The flowing hair, the pitying eyes, + The faintly crimsoned cheek that shows + The blush of Sharon's opening rose, + Thy hands would clasp his hallowed feet + Whose brethren soil thy Christian seat, + Thy lips would press his garment's hem + That curl in wrathful scorn for them! + + A sudden mist, a watery screen, + Dropped like a veil before the scene; + The shadow floated from my soul, + And to my lips a whisper stole:-- + Thy prophets caught the Spirit's flame, + From thee the Son of Mary came, + With thee the Father deigned to dwell, + Peace be upon thee, Israel!" + + +It is not to be expected that intimate relations will be established +between Jewish and Christian communities until both become so far +rationalized and humanized that their differences are comparatively +unimportant. But already there is an evident approximation in the +extreme left of what is called liberal Christianity and the +representatives of modern Judaism. The life of a man like the late +Sir Moses Montefiore reads a lesson from the Old Testament which +might well have been inspired by the noblest teachings of the +Christian Gospels. + + + Delilah, and how she got her name. + +Est-elle bien gentille, cette petite? I said one day to Number Five, +as our pretty Delilah put her arm between us with a bunch of those +tender early radishes that so recall the rosy-fingered morning of +Homer. The little hand which held the radishes would not have shamed +Aurora. That hand has never known drudgery, I feel sure. + +When I spoke those French words our little Delilah gave a slight, +seemingly involuntary start, and her cheeks grew of as bright a red +as her radishes. Ah, said I to myself; does that young girl +understand French? It may be worth while to be careful what one says +before her. + +There is a mystery about this girl. She seems to know her place +perfectly,--except, perhaps, when she burst out crying, the other +day, which was against all the rules of table-maiden's etiquette,-- +and yet she looks as if she had been born to be waited on, and not to +perform that humble service for others. We know that once in a while +girls with education and well connected take it into their heads to +go into service for a few weeks or months. Sometimes it is from +economic motives,--to procure means for their education, or to help +members of their families who need assistance. At any rate, they +undertake the lighter menial duties of some household where they are +not known, and, having stooped--if stooping it is to be considered-- +to lowly offices, no born and bred servants are more faithful to all +their obligations. You must not suppose she was christened Delilah. +Any of our ministers would hesitate to give such a heathen name to a +Christian child. + +The way she came to get it was this: The Professor was going to give +a lecture before an occasional audience, one evening. When he took +his seat with the other Teacups, the American Annex whispered to the +other Annex, "His hair wants cutting,--it looks like fury." "Quite +so," said the English Annex. "I wish you would tell him so, -- I do, +awfully." "I'll fix it," said the American girl. So, after the +teacups were emptied and the company had left the table, she went up +to the Professor. "You read this lecture, don't you, Professor?" she +said. "I do," he answered. "I should think that lock of hair which +falls down over your forehead would trouble you," she said. "It does +sometimes," replied the Professor. "Let our little maid trim it for +you. You're equal to that, aren't you?" turning to the handmaiden. +"I always used to cut my father's hair," she answered. She brought a +pair of glittering shears, and before she would let the Professor go +she had trimmed his hair and beard as they had not been dealt with +for many a day. Everybody said the Professor looked ten years +younger. After that our little handmaiden was always called Delilah, +among the talking Teacups. + +The Mistress keeps a watchful eye on this young girl. I should not +be surprised to find that she was carrying out some ideal, some fancy +or whim,--possibly nothing more, but springing from some generous, +youthful impulse. Perhaps she is working for that little sister at +the Blind Asylum. Where did she learn French? She did certainly +blush, and betrayed every sign of understanding the words spoken +about her in that language. Sometimes she sings while at her work, +and we have all been struck with the pure, musical character of her +voice. It is just such a voice as ought to come from that round +white throat. We made a discovery about it the other evening. + +The Mistress keeps a piano in her room, and we have sometimes had +music in the evening. One of The Teacups, to whom I have slightly +referred, is an accomplished pianist, and the two Annexes sing very +sweetly together,--the American girl having a clear soprano voice, +the English girl a mellow contralto. They had sung several tunes, +when the Mistress rang for Avis,--for that is our Delilah's real +name. She whispered to the young girl, who blushed and trembled. +"Don't be frightened," said the Mistress encouragingly. "I have +heard you singing 'Too Young for Love,' and I will get our pianist to +play it. The young ladies both know it, and you must join in." + +The two voices, with the accompaniment, had hardly finished the first +line when a pure, ringing, almost childlike voice joined the vocal +duet. The sound of her own voice seemed to make her forget her +fears, and she warbled as naturally and freely as any young bird of a +May morning. Number Five came in while she was singing, and when she +got through caught her in her arms and kissed her, as if she were her +sister, and not Delilah, our table-maid. Number Five is apt to +forget herself and those social differences to which some of us +attach so much importance. This is the song in which the little maid +took part: + + + TOO YOUNG FOR LOVE. + + Too young for love? + Ah, say not so! + Tell reddening rose-buds not to blow! + Wait not for spring to pass away,-- + Love's summer months begin with May! + Too young for love? + Ah, say not so! + Too young? Too young? + Ah, no! no! no! + + Too young for love? + Ah, say not so, + While daisies bloom and tulips glow! + June soon will come with lengthened day + To practise all love learned in May. + Too young for love? + Ah, say not so! + Too young? Too young? + Ah, no! no! no! + + + + +IX + +I often wish that our Number Seven could have known and corresponded +with the author of "The Budget of Paradoxes." I think Mr. De Morgan +would have found some of his vagaries and fancies not undeserving of +a place in his wonderful collection of eccentricities, absurdities, +ingenuities,--mental freaks of all sorts. But I think he would have +now and then recognized a sound idea, a just comparison, a suggestive +hint, a practical notion, which redeemed a page of extravagances and +crotchety whims. I confess that I am often pleased with fancies of +his, and should be willing to adopt them as my own. I think he has, +in the midst of his erratic and tangled conceptions, some perfectly +clear and consistent trains of thought. + +So when Number Seven spoke of sending us a paper, I welcomed the +suggestion. I asked him whether he had any objection to my looking +it over before he read it. My proposal rather pleased him, I +thought, for, as was observed on a former occasion, he has in +connection with a belief in himself another side,--a curious self- +distrust. I have no question that he has an obscure sense of some +mental deficiency. Thus you may expect from him first a dogma, and +presently a doubt. If you fight his dogma, he will do battle for it +stoutly; if you let him alone, he will very probably explain its +extravagances, if it has any, and tame it into reasonable limits. +Sometimes he is in one mood, sometimes in another. + +The first portion of what we listened to shows him at his best; in +the latter part I am afraid you will think he gets a little wild. + +I proceed to lay before you the paper which Number Seven read to The +Teacups. There was something very pleasing in the deference which +was shown him. We all feel that there is a crack in the teacup, and +are disposed to handle it carefully. I have left out a few things +which he said, feeling that they might give offence to some of the +company. There were sentences so involved and obscure that I was +sure they would not be understood, if indeed he understood them +himself. But there are other passages so entirely sane, and as it +seems to me so just, that if any reader attributes them to me I shall +not think myself wronged by the supposition. You must remember that +Number Seven has had a fair education, that he has been a wide reader +in many directions, and that he belongs to a family of remarkable +intellectual gifts. So it was not surprising that he said some +things which pleased the company, as in fact they did. The reader +will not be startled to see a certain abruptness in the transition +from one subject to another,--it is a characteristic of the squinting +brain wherever you find it. Another curious mark rarely wanting in +the subjects of mental strabismus is an irregular and often sprawling +and deformed handwriting. Many and many a time I have said, after +glancing at the back of a letter, "This comes from an insane asylum, +or from an eccentric who might well be a candidate for such an +institution." Number Seven's manuscript, which showed marks of my +corrections here and there, furnished good examples of the +chirography of persons with ill-mated cerebral hemispheres. But the +earlier portions of the manuscript are of perfectly normal +appearance. + +Conticuere omnes, as Virgil says. We were all silent as Number Seven +began the reading of his paper. + + + Number Seven reads. + +I am the seventh son of a seventh son, as I suppose you all know. It +is commonly believed that some extraordinary gifts belong to the +fortunate individuals born under these exceptional conditions. +However this may be, a peculiar virtue was supposed to dwell in me +from my earliest years. My touch was believed to have the influence +formerly attributed to that of the kings and queens of England. You +may remember that the great Dr. Samuel Johnson, when a child, was +carried to be touched by her Majesty Queen Anne for the "king's +evil," as scrofula used to be called. Our honored friend The +Dictator will tell you that the brother of one of his Andover +schoolmates was taken to one of these gifted persons, who touched +him, and hung a small bright silver coin, either a "fourpence +ha'penny" or a "ninepence," about his neck, which, strange to say, +after being worn a certain time, became tarnished, and finally +black,--a proof of the poisonous matters which had become eliminated +from the system and gathered upon the coin. I remember that at one +time I used to carry fourpence ha'pennies with holes bored through +them, which I furnished to children or to their mothers, under +pledges of secrecy,--receiving a piece of silver of larger dimensions +in exchange. I never felt quite sure about any extraordinary +endowment being a part of my inheritance in virtue of my special +conditions of birth. A phrenologist, who examined my head when I was +a boy, said the two sides were unlike. My hatter's measurement told +me the same thing; but in looking over more than a bushel of the +small cardboard hat-patterns which give the exact shape of the head, +I have found this is not uncommon. The phrenologist made all sorts +of predictions of what I should be and do, which proved about as near +the truth as those recorded in Miss Edith Thomas's charming little +poem, "Augury," which some of us were reading the other day. + +I have never been through college, but I had a relative who was +famous as a teacher of rhetoric in one of our universities, and +especially for taking the nonsense out of sophomorical young fellows +who could not say anything without rigging it up in showy and +sounding phrases. I think I learned from him to express myself in +good old-fashioned English, and without making as much fuss about it +as our Fourth of July orators and political haranguers were in the +habit of making. + +I read a good many stories during my boyhood, one of which left a +lasting impression upon me, and which I have always commended to +young people. It is too late, generally, to try to teach old people, +yet one may profit by it at any period of life before the sight has +become too dim to be of any use. The story I refer to is in +"Evenings at Home," and is called "Eyes and No Eyes." I ought to +have it by me, but it is constantly happening that the best old +things get overlaid by the newest trash; and though I have never seen +anything of the kind half so good, my table and shelves are cracking +with the weight of involuntary accessions to my library. + +This is the story as I remember it: Two children walk out, and are +questioned when they come home. One has found nothing to observe, +nothing to admire, nothing to describe, nothing to ask questions +about. The other has found everywhere objects of curiosity and +interest. I advise you, if you are a child anywhere under forty- +five, and do not yet wear glasses, to send at once for "Evenings at +Home" and read that story. For myself, I am always grateful to the +writer of it for calling my attention to common things. How many +people have been waked to a quicker consciousness of life by +Wordsworth's simple lines about the daffodils, and what he says of +the thoughts suggested to him by "the meanest flower that blows"! + +I was driving with a friend, the other day, through a somewhat dreary +stretch of country, where there seemed to be very little to attract +notice or deserve remark. Still, the old spirit infused by "Eyes and +No Eyes" was upon me, and I looked for something to fasten my thought +upon, and treat as an artist treats a study for a picture. The first +object to which my eyes were drawn was an old-fashioned well-sweep. +It did not take much imaginative sensibility to be stirred by the +sight of this most useful, most ancient, most picturesque, of +domestic conveniences. I know something of the shadoof of Egypt,-- +the same arrangement by which the sacred waters of the Nile have been +lifted, from the days of the Pharaohs to those of the Khedives. That +long forefinger pointing to heaven was a symbol which spoke to the +Puritan exile as it spoke of old to the enslaved Israelite. Was +there ever any such water as that which we used to draw from the +deep, cold well, in "the old oaken bucket"? What memories gather +about the well in all ages! What love-matches have been made at its +margin, from the times of Jacob and, Rachel downward! What fairy +legends hover over it, what fearful mysteries has it hidden! The +beautiful well-sweep! It is too rarely that we see it, and as it +dies out and gives place to the odiously convenient pump, with the +last patent on its cast-iron uninterestingness, does it not seem as +if the farmyard aspect had lost half its attraction? So long as the +dairy farm exists, doubtless there must be every facility for getting +water in abundance; but the loss of the well-sweep cannot be made up +to us even if our milk were diluted to twice its present attenuation. + +The well-sweep had served its turn, and my companion and I relapsed +into silence. After a while we passed another farmyard, with nothing +which seemed deserving of remark except the wreck of an old wagon. + +"Look," I said, "if you want to see one of the greatest of all the +triumphs of human ingenuity, one of the most beautiful, as it is one +of the most useful, of all the mechanisms which the intelligence of +successive ages has called into being." + +"I see nothing," my companion answered, "but an old broken-down +wagon. Why they leave such a piece of lumbering trash about their +place, where people can see it as they pass, is more than I can +account for." + +"And yet," said I, "there is one of the most extraordinary products +of human genius and skill,--an object which combines the useful and +the beautiful to an extent which hardly any simple form of mechanism +can pretend to rival. Do you notice how, while everything else has +gone to smash, that wheel remains sound and fit for service? Look at +it merely for its beauty. + +See the perfect circles, the outer and the inner. A circle is in +itself a consummate wonder of geometrical symmetry. It is the line +in which the omnipotent energy delights to move. There is no fault +in it to be amended. The first drawn circle and the last both embody +the same complete fulfillment of a perfect design. Then look at the +rays which pass from the inner to the outer circle. How beautifully +they bring the greater and lesser circles into connection with each +other! The flowers know that secret,--the marguerite in the meadow +displays it as clearly as the great sun in heaven. How beautiful is +this flower of wood and iron, which we were ready to pass by without +wasting a look upon it! But its beauty is only the beginning of its +wonderful claim upon us for our admiration. Look at that field of +flowering grass, the triticum vulgare,--see how its waves follow the +breeze in satiny alternations of light and shadow. You admire it for +its lovely aspect; but when you remember that this flowering grass is +wheat, the finest food of the highest human races, it gains a +dignity, a glory, that its beauty alone could not give it. + +"Now look at that exquisite structure lying neglected and disgraced, +but essentially unchanged in its perfection, before you. That slight +and delicate-looking fabric has stood such a trial as hardly any +slender contrivance, excepting always the valves of the heart, was +ever subjected to. It has rattled for years over the cobble-stones +of a rough city pavement. It has climbed over all the accidental +obstructions it met in the highway, and dropped into all the holes +and deep ruts that made the heavy farmer sitting over it use his +Sunday vocabulary in a week-day form of speech. At one time or +another, almost every part of that old wagon has given way. It has +had two new pairs of shafts. Twice the axle has broken off close to +the hub, or nave. The seat broke when Zekle and Huldy were having +what they called 'a ride' together. The front was kicked in by a +vicious mare. The springs gave way and the floor bumped on the axle. +Every portion of the wagon became a prey of its special accident, +except that most fragile looking of all its parts, the wheel. Who +can help admiring the exact distribution of the power of resistance +at the least possible expenditure of material which is manifested in +this wondrous triumph of human genius and skill? The spokes are +planted in the solid hub as strongly as the jaw-teeth of a lion in +their deep-sunken sockets. Each spoke has its own territory in the +circumference, for which it is responsible. According to the load +the vehicle is expected to carry, they are few or many, stout or +slender, but they share their joint labor with absolute justice,--not +one does more, not one does less, than its just proportion. The +outer end of the spokes is received into the deep mortise of the +wooden fellies, and the structure appears to be complete. But how +long would it take to turn that circle into a polygon, unless some +mighty counteracting force should prevent it? See the iron tire +brought hot from the furnace and laid around the smoking +circumference. Once in place, the workman cools the hot iron; and as +it shrinks with a force that seems like a hand-grasp of the +Omnipotent, it clasps the fitted fragments of the structure, and +compresses them into a single inseparable whole. + +"Was it not worth our while to stop a moment before passing that old +broken wagon, and see whether we could not find as much in it as +Swift found in his 'Meditations on a Broomstick'? I have been +laughed at for making so much of such a common thing as a wheel. +Idiots! Solomon's court fool would have scoffed at the thought of +the young Galilean who dared compare the lilies of the field to his +august master. Nil admirari is very well for a North American Indian +and his degenerate successor, who has grown too grand to admire +anything but himself, and takes a cynical pride in his stolid +indifference to everything worth reverencing or honoring." + +After calling my companion's attention to the wheel, and discoursing +upon it until I thought he was getting sleepy, we jogged along until +we came to a running stream. It was crossed by a stone bridge of a +single arch. There are very few stone arches over the streams in New +England country towns, and I always delighted in this one. It was +built in the last century, amidst the doubting predictions of staring +rustics, and stands to-day as strong as ever, and seemingly good for +centuries to come. + +"See there!" said I,--"there is another of my 'Eyes and No Eyes' +subjects to meditate upon. Next to the wheel, the arch is the +noblest of those elementary mechanical composites, corresponding to +the proximate principles of chemistry. The beauty of the arch +consists first in its curve, commonly a part of the circle, of the +perfection of which I have spoken. But the mind derives another +distinct pleasure from the admirable manner in which the several +parts, each different from all the others, contribute to a single +harmonious effect. It is a typical example of the piu nel uno. An +arch cut out or a single stone would not be so beautiful as one of +which each individual stone was shaped for its exact position. Its +completion by the locking of the keystone is a delight to witness and +to contemplate. And how the arch endures, when its lateral thrust is +met by solid masses of resistance! In one of the great temples of +Baalbec a keystone has slipped, but how rare is that occurrence! One +will hardly find another such example among all the ruins of +antiquity. Yes, I never get tired of arches. They are noble when +shaped of solid marble blocks, each carefully beveled for its +position. They are beautiful when constructed with the large thin +tiles the Romans were so fond of using. I noticed some arches built +in this way in the wall of one of the grand houses just going up on +the bank of the river. They were over the capstones of the windows,- +-to take off the pressure from them, no doubt, for now and then a +capstone will crack under the weight of the superincumbent mass. How +close they fit, and how striking the effect of their long +radiations!" + +The company listened very well up to this point. When he began the +strain of thoughts which follows, a curious look went round The +Teacups. + +What a strange underground life is that which is led by the organisms +we call trees! These great fluttering masses of leaves, stems, +boughs, trunks, are not the real trees. They live underground, and +what we see are nothing more nor less than their tails. + +The Mistress dropped her teaspoon. Number Five looked at the Doctor, +whose face was very still and sober. The two Annexes giggled, or +came very near it. + +Yes, a tree is an underground creature, with its tail in the air. +All its intelligence is in its roots. All the senses it has are in +its roots. Think what sagacity it shows in its search after food and +drink! Somehow or other, the rootlets, which are its tentacles, find +out that there is a brook at a moderate distance from the trunk of +the tree, and they make for it with all their might. They find every +crack in the rocks where there are a few grains of the nourishing +substance they care for, and insinuate themselves into its deepest +recesses. When spring and summer come, they let their tails grow, +and delight in whisking them about in the wind, or letting them be +whisked about by it; for these tails are poor passive things, with +very little will of their own, and bend in whatever direction the +wind chooses to make them. The leaves make a deal of noise +whispering. I have sometimes thought I could understand them, as +they talk with each other, and that they seemed to think they made +the wind as they wagged forward and back. Remember what I say. The +next time you see a tree waving in the wind, recollect that it is the +tail of a great underground, many-armed, polypus-like creature, which +is as proud of its caudal appendage, especially in summer-time, as a +peacock of his gorgeous expanse of plumage. + +Do you think there is anything so very odd about this idea? Once get +it well into your heads, and you will find it renders the landscape +wonderfully interesting. There are as many kinds of tree-tails as +there are of tails to dogs and other quadrupeds. Study them as Daddy +Gilpin studied them in his "Forest Scenery," but don't forget that +they are only the appendage of the underground vegetable polypus, the +true organism to which they belong. + +He paused at this point, and we all drew long breaths, wondering what +was coming next. There was no denying it, the "cracked Teacup" was +clinking a little false,--so it seemed to the company. Yet, after +all, the fancy was not delirious,--the mind could follow it well +enough; let him go on. + +What do you say to this? You have heard all sorts of things said in +prose and verse about Niagara. Ask our young Doctor there what it +reminds him of. Is n't it a giant putting his tongue out? How can +you fail to see the resemblance? The continent is a great giant, and +the northern half holds the head and shoulders. You can count the +pulse of the giant wherever the tide runs up a creek; but if you want +to look at the giant's tongue, you must go to Niagara. If there were +such a thing as a cosmic physician, I believe he could tell the state +of the country's health, and the prospects of the mortality for the +coming season, by careful inspection of the great tongue, which +Niagara is putting out for him, and has been showing to mankind ever +since the first flint-shapers chipped their arrow-heads. You don't +think the idea adds to the sublimity and associations of the +cataract? I am sorry for that, but I can't help the suggestion. It +is just as manifestly a tongue put out for inspection as if it had +Nature's own label to that effect hung over it. I don't know whether +you can see these things as clearly as I do. There are some people +that never see anything, if it is as plain as a hole in a grindstone, +until it is pointed out to them; and some that can't see it then, and +won't believe there is any hole till they've poked their finger +through it. I've got a great many things to thank God for, but +perhaps most of all that I can find something to admire, to wonder +at, to set my fancy going, and to wind up my enthusiasm pretty much +everywhere. + +Look here! There are crowds of people whirled through our streets on +these new-fashioned cars, with their witch-broomsticks overhead,--if +they don't come from Salem, they ought to,--and not more than one in +a dozen of these fish-eyed bipeds thinks or cares a nickel's worth +about the miracle which is wrought for their convenience. They know +that without hands or feet, without horses, without steam, so far as +they can see, they are transported from place to place, and that +there is nothing to account for it except the witch-broomstick and +the iron or copper cobweb which they see stretched above them. What +do they know or care about this last revelation of the omnipresent +spirit of the material universe? We ought to go down on our knees +when one of these mighty caravans, car after car, spins by us, under +the mystic impulse which seems to know not whether its train is +loaded or empty. We are used to force in the muscles of horses, in +the expansive potency of steam, but here we have force stripped stark +naked,--nothing but a filament to cover its nudity,--and yet showing +its might in efforts that would task the working-beam of a ponderous +steam-engine. I am thankful that in an age of cynicism I have not +lost my reverence. Perhaps you would wonder to see how some very +common sights impress me. I always take off my hat if I stop to +speak to a stone-cutter at his work. "Why?" do you ask me? Because +I know that his is the only labor that is likely to endure. A score +of centuries has not effaced the marks of the Greek's or the Roman's +chisel on his block of marble. And now, before this new +manifestation of that form of cosmic vitality which we call +electricity, I feel like taking the posture of the peasants listening +to the Angelus. How near the mystic effluence of mechanical energy +brings us to the divine source of all power and motion! In the old +mythology, the right hand of Jove held and sent forth the lightning. +So, in the record of the Hebrew prophets, did the right hand of +Jehovah cast forth and direct it. Was Nahum thinking of our far-off +time when he wrote, "The chariots shall rage in the streets, they +shall justle one against another in the broad ways: they shall seem +like torches, they shall run like the lightnings"? + +Number Seven had finished reading his paper. Two bright spots in his +cheeks showed that he had felt a good deal in writing it, and the +flush returned as he listened to his own thoughts. Poor old fellow! +The "cracked Teacup" of our younger wits,--not yet come to their full +human sensibilities,--the "crank" of vulgar tongues, the eccentric, +the seventh son of a seventh son, too often made the butt of +thoughtless pleasantry, was, after all, a fellow-creature, with flesh +and blood like the rest of us. The wild freaks of his fancy did not +hurt us, nor did they prevent him from seeing many things justly, and +perhaps sometimes more vividly and acutely than if he were as sound +as the dullest of us. + +The teaspoons tinkled loudly all round the table, as he finished +reading. The Mistress caught her breath. I was afraid she was going +to sob, but she took it out in vigorous stirring of her tea. Will +you believe that I saw Number Five, with a sweet, approving smile on +her face all the time, brush her cheek with her hand-kerchief? There +must have been a tear stealing from beneath its eyelid. I hope +Number Seven saw it. He is one of the two men at our table who most +need the tender looks and tones of a woman. The Professor and I are +hors de combat; the Counsellor is busy with his cases and his +ambitions; the Doctor is probably in love with a microscope, and +flirting with pathological specimens; but Number Seven and the Tutor +are, I fear, both suffering from that worst of all famines, heart- +hunger. + +Do you remember that Number Seven said he never wrote a line of +"poetry" in his life, except once when he was suffering from +temporary weakness of body and mind? That is because he is a poet. +If he had not been one, he would very certainly have taken to +tinkling rhymes. What should you think of the probable musical +genius of a young man who was particularly fond of jingling a set of +sleigh-bells? Should you expect him to turn out a Mozart or a +Beethoven? Now, I think I recognize the poetical instinct in Number +Seven, however imperfect may be its expression, and however he may be +run away with at times by fantastic notions that come into his head. +If fate had allotted him a helpful companion in the shape of a loving +and intelligent wife, he might have been half cured of his +eccentricities, and we should not have had to say, in speaking of +him, "Poor fellow!" But since this cannot be, I am pleased that he +should have been so kindly treated on the occasion of the reading of +his paper. If he saw Number Five's tear, he will certainly fall in +love with her. No matter if he does Number Five is a kind of Circe +who does not turn the victims of her enchantment into swine, but into +lambs. I want to see Number Seven one of her little flock. I say +"little." I suspect it is larger than most of us know. Anyhow, she +can spare him sympathy and kindness and encouragement enough to keep +him contented with himself and with her, and never miss the pulses of +her loving life she lends him. It seems to be the errand of some +women to give many people as much happiness as they have any right to +in this world. If they concentrated their affection on one, they +would give him more than any mortal could claim as his share. I saw +Number Five watering her flowers, the other day. The watering-pot +had one of those perforated heads, through which the water runs in +many small streams. Every plant got its share: the proudest lily +bent beneath the gentle shower; the lowliest daisy held its little +face up for baptism. All were refreshed, none was flooded. +Presently she took the perforated head, or "rose," from the neck of +the watering-pot, and the full stream poured out in a round, solid +column. It was almost too much for the poor geranium on which it +fell, and it looked at one minute as if the roots would be laid bare, +and perhaps the whole plant be washed out of the soil in which it was +planted. What if Number Five should take off the "rose" that +sprinkles her affections on so many, and pour them all on one? Can +that ever be? If it can, life is worth living for him on whom her +love may be lavished. + +One of my neighbors, a thorough American, is much concerned about the +growth of what he calls the "hard-handed aristocracy." He tells the +following story:-- + +"I was putting up a fence about my yard, and employed a man of whom I +knew something,--that he was industrious, temperate, and that he had +a wife and children to support,--a worthy man, a native New +Englander. I engaged him, I say, to dig some post-holes. My +employee bought a new spade and scoop on purpose, and came to my +place at the appointed time, and began digging. While he was at +work, two men came over from a drinking-saloon, to which my residence +is nearer than I could desire. One of them I had known as Mike +Fagan, the other as Hans Schleimer. They looked at Hiram, my New +Hampshire man, in a contemptuous and threatening way for a minute or +so, when Fagan addressed him: + +"'And how much does the man pay yez by the hour?' + +The gentleman does n't pay me by the hour,' said Hiram. + +"'How mosh does he bay you by der veeks?' said Hans. + +"'I don' know as that's any of your business,' answered Hiram. + +"'Faith, we'll make it our business,' said Mike Fagan. 'We're +Knoights of Labor, we'd have yez to know, and ye can't make yer +bargains fist as ye loikes. We manes to know how mony hours ye +worrks, and how much ye gets for it.' + +"'Knights of Labor!' said I. 'Why, that is a kind of title of +nobility, is n't it? I thought the laws of our country did n't allow +titles of that kind. But if you have a right to be called knights, I +suppose I ought to address you as such. Sir Michael, I congratulate +you on the dignity you have attained. I hope Lady Fagan is getting +on well with my shirts. Sir Hans, I pay my respects to your title. +I trust that Lady Schleixner has got through that little difficulty +between her ladyship and yourself in which the police court thought +it necessary to intervene.' + +"The two men looked at me. I weigh about a hundred and eighty +pounds, and am well put together. Hiram was noted in his village as +a 'rahstler.' But my face is rather pallid and peaked, and Hiram had +something of the greenhorn look. The two men, who had been drinking, +hardly knew what ground to take. They rather liked the sound of ,Sir +Michael and, Sir Hans. They did not know very well what to make of +their wives as 'ladies.' They looked doubtful whether to take what +had been said as a casus belli or not, but they wanted a pretext of +some kind or other. Presently one of them saw a label on the scoop, +or longhandled, spoon-like shovel, with which Hiram had been working. + +"'Arrah, be jabers!' exclaimed Mike Fagan, 'but has n't he been +a-tradin' wid Brown, the hardware fellah, that we boycotted! Grab +it, Hans, and we'll carry it off and show it to the brotherhood.' + +The men made a move toward the implement. + +"'You let that are scoop-shovel alone,' said Hiram. + +"I stepped to his side. The Knights were combative, as their noble +predecessors with the same title always were, and it was necessary to +come to a voie de fait. My straight blow from the shoulder did for +Sir Michael. Hiram treated Sir Hans to what is technically known as +a cross-buttock. + +"'Naow, Dutchman,' said Hiram, 'if you don't want to be planted in +that are post-hole, y'd better take y'rself out o' this here piece of +private property. "Dangerous passin'," as the sign-posts say, abaout +these times.' + +"Sir Michael went down half stunned by my expressive gesture; Sir +Hans did not know whether his hip was out of joint or he had got a +bad sprain; but they were both out of condition for further +hostilities. Perhaps it was hardly fair to take advantage of their +misfortunes to inflict a discourse upon them, but they had brought it +on themselves, and we each of us gave them a piece of our mind. + +"'I tell you what it is,' said Hiram, 'I'm a free and independent +American citizen, and I an't a-gon' to hev no man tyrannize over me, +if he doos call himself by one o' them noblemen's titles. Ef I can't +work jes' as I choose, fur folks that wants me to work fur 'em and +that I want to work fur, I might jes' as well go to Sibery and done +with it. My gran'f'ther fit in Bunker Hill battle. I guess if our +folks in them days did n't care no great abaout Lord Percy and Sir +William Haowe, we an't a-gon' to be scart by Sir Michael Fagan and +Sir Hans What 's-his-name, nor no other fellahs that undertakes to be +noblemen, and tells us common folks what we shall dew an' what we +sha'n't. No, sir!' + +"I took the opportunity to explain to Sir Michael and Sir Hans what +it was our fathers fought for, and what is the meaning of liberty. +If these noblemen did not like the country, they could go elsewhere. +If they did n't like the laws, they had the ballot-box, and could +choose new legislators. But as long as the laws existed they must +obey them. I could not admit that, because they called themselves by +the titles the Old World nobility thought so much of, they had a +right to interfere in the agreements I entered into with my neighbor. +I told Sir Michael that if he would go home and help Lady Fagan to +saw and split the wood for her fire, he would be better employed than +in meddling with my domestic arrangements. I advised Sir Hans to ask +Lady Schleimer for her bottle of spirits to use as an embrocation for +his lame hip. And so my two visitors with the aristocratic titles +staggered off, and left us plain, untitled citizens, Hiram and +myself, to set our posts, and consider the question whether we lived +in a free country or under the authority of a self-constituted order +of quasi-nobility." + +It is a very curious fact that, with all our boasted "free and equal" +superiority over the communities of the Old World, our people have +the most enormous appetite for Old World titles of distinction. Sir +Michael and Sir Hans belong to one of the most extended of the +aristocratic orders. But we have also "Knights and Ladies of Honor," +and, what is still grander, "Royal Conclave of Knights and Ladies," +"Royal Arcanum," and "Royal Society of Good Fellows," " Supreme +Council," "Imperial Court," "Grand Protector," and "Grand +Dictator," and so on. Nothing less than "Grand" and 11 Supreme" is +good enough for the dignitaries of our associations of citizens. +Where does all this ambition for names without realities come from? +Because a Knight of the Garter wears a golden star, why does the +worthy cordwainer, who mends the shoes of his fellow-citizens, want +to wear a tin star, and take a name that had a meaning as used by the +representatives of ancient families, or the men who had made +themselves illustrious by their achievements? + +It appears to be a peculiarly American weakness. The French +republicans of the earlier period thought the term citizen was good +enough for anybody. At a later period, "Roi Citoyen"--the citizen +king was a common title given to Louis Philippe. But nothing is too +grand for the American, in the way of titles. The proudest of them +all signify absolutely nothing. They do not stand for ability, for +public service, for social importance, for large possessions; but, on +the contrary, are oftenest found in connection with personalities to +which they are supremely inapplicable. We can hardly afford to +quarrel with a national habit which, if lightly handled, may involve +us in serious domestic difficulties. The "Right Worshipful" +functionary whose equipage stops at my back gate, and whose services +are indispensable to the health and comfort of my household, is a +dignitary whom I must not offend. I must speak with proper deference +to the lady who is scrubbing my floors, when I remember that her +husband, who saws my wood, carries a string of high-sounding titles +which would satisfy a Spanish nobleman. + +After all, every people must have its own forms of ostentation, +pretence, and vulgarity. The ancient Romans had theirs, the English +and the French have theirs as well,--why should not we Americans have +ours? Educated and refined persons must recognize frequent internal +conflicts between the "Homo sum" of Terence and the "Odi profanum +vulgus" of Horace. The nobler sentiment should be that of every true +American, and it is in that direction that our best civilization is +constantly tending. + +We were waited on by a new girl, the other evening. Our pretty +maiden had left us for a visit to some relative,--so the Mistress +said. I do sincerely hope she will soon come back, for we all like +to see her flitting round the table. + +I don't know what to make of it. I had it all laid out in my mind. +With such a company there must be a love-story. Perhaps there will +be, but there may be new combinations of the elements which are to +make it up, and here is a bud among the full-blown flowers to which I +must devote a little space. + + + Delilah. + +I must call her by the name we gave her after she had trimmed the +Samson locks of our Professor. Delilah is a puzzle to most of us. +A pretty creature, dangerously pretty to be in a station not guarded +by all the protective arrangements which surround the maidens of a +higher social order. It takes a strong cage to keep in a tiger or a +grizzly bear, but what iron bars, what barbed wires, can keep out the +smooth and subtle enemy that finds out the cage where beauty is +imprisoned? Our young Doctor is evidently attracted by the charming +maiden who serves him and us so modestly and so gracefully. +Fortunately, the Mistress never loses sight of her. If she were her +own daughter, she could not be more watchful of all her movements. +And yet I do not believe that Delilah needs all this overlooking. If +I am not mistaken, she knows how to take care of herself, and could +be trusted anywhere, in any company, without a duenna. She has a +history,--I feel sure of it. She has been trained and taught as +young persons of higher position in life are brought up, and does not +belong in the humble station in which we find her. But inasmuch as +the Mistress says nothing about her antecedents, we do not like to be +too inquisitive. The two Annexes are, it is plain, very curious +about her. I cannot wonder. They are both good-looking girls, but +Delilah is prettier than either of them. My sight is not so good as +it was, but I can see the way in which the eyes of the young people +follow each other about plainly enough to set me thinking as to what +is going on in the thinking marrow behind them. The young Doctor's +follow Delilah as she glides round the table,--they look into hers +whenever they get a chance; but the girl's never betray any +consciousness of it, so far as I can see. There is no mistaking the +interest with which the two, Annexes watch all this. Why shouldn't +they, I should like to know? The Doctor is a bright young fellow, +and wants nothing but a bald spot and a wife to find himself in a +comfortable family practice. One of the Annexes, as I have said,. +has had thoughts of becoming a doctress. I don't think the Doctor +would want his wife to practise medicine, for reasons which I will +not stop to mention. Such a partnership sometimes works wonderfully +well, as in one well-known instance where husband and wife are both +eminent in the profession; but our young Doctor has said to me that +he had rather see his wife,--if he ever should have one,--at the +piano than at the dissecting-table. Of course the Annexes know +nothing about this, and they may think, as he professed himself +willing to lecture on medicine to women, he might like to take one of +his pupils as a helpmeet. + +If it were not for our Delilah's humble position, I don't see why she +would not be a good match for any young man. But then it is so hard +to take a young woman from so very lowly a condition as that of a +"waitress" that it would require a deal of courage to venture on such +a step. If we could only find out that she is a princess in +disguise, so to speak,--that is, a young person of presentable +connections as well as pleasing looks and manners; that she has had +an education of some kind, as we suspected when she blushed on +hearing herself spoken of as a "gentille petite," why, then +everything would be all right, the young Doctor would have plain +sailing,--that is, if be is in love with her, and if she fancies +him,--and I should find my love-story,--the one I expected, but not +between the parties I had thought would be mating with each other. + +Dear little Delilah! Lily of the valley, growing in the shade now,-- +perhaps better there until her petals drop; and yet if she is all I +often fancy she is, how her youthful presence would illuminate and +sweeten a household! There is not one of us who does not feel +interested in her,--not one of us who would not be delighted at some +Cinderella transformation which would show her in the setting Nature +meant for her favorite. + +The fancy of Number Seven about the witches' broomsticks suggested to +one of us the following poem: + + + THE BROOMSTICK TRAIN; + OR, THE RETURN OF THE WITCHES. + +Lookout! Look out, boys! Clear the track! +The witches are here! They've all come back! +They hanged them high,--No use! No use! +What cares a witch for a hangman's noose? +They buried them deep, but they would n't lie, still, +For cats and witches are hard to kill; +They swore they shouldn't and wouldn't die, +Books said they did, but they lie! they lie! + +--A couple of hundred years, or so, +They had knocked about in the world below, +When an Essex Deacon dropped in to call, +And a homesick feeling seized them all; +For he came from a place they knew full well, +And many a tale he had to tell. +They long to visit the haunts of men, +To see the old dwellings they knew again, +And ride on their broomsticks all around +Their wide domain of unhallowed ground. + +In Essex county there's many a roof +Well known to him of the cloven hoof; +The small square windows are full in view +Which the midnight hags went sailing through, +On their well-trained broomsticks mounted high, +Seen like shadows against the sky; +Crossing the track of owls and bats, +Hugging before them their coal-black cats. + +Well did they know, those gray old wives, +The sights we see in our daily drives +Shimmer of lake and shine of sea, +Brown's bare hill with its lonely tree, +(It wasn't then as we see it now, +With one scant scalp-lock to shade its brow;) +Dusky nooks in the Essex woods, +Dark, dim, Dante-like solitudes, +Where the tree-toad watches the sinuous snake +Glide through his forests of fern and brake; +Ipswich River; its old stone bridge; +Far off Andover's Indian Ridge, +And many a scene where history tells +Some shadow of bygone terror dwells, +Of "Norman's Woe" with its tale of dread, +Of the Screeching Woman of Marblehead, +(The fearful story that turns men pale +Don't bid me tell it,--my speech would fail.) + +Who would not, will not, if he can, +Bathe in the breezes of fair Cape Ann, +Rest in the bowers her bays enfold, +Loved by the sachems and squaws of old? +Home where the white magnolias bloom, +Sweet with the bayberry's chaste perfume, +Hugged by the woods and kissed by the seal +Where is the Eden like to thee? + +For that "couple of hundred years, or so," +There had been no peace in the world below; +The witches still grumbling, "It is n't fair; +Come, give us a taste of the upper air! +We've had enough of your sulphur springs, +And the evil odor that round them clings; +We long for a drink that is cool and nice, +Great buckets of water with Wenham ice; +We've served you well up-stairs, you know; +You're a good old -fellow--come, let us go!" + +I don't feel sure of his being good, +But he happened to be in a pleasant mood, +As fiends with their skins full sometimes are, +(He'd been drinking with "roughs" at a Boston bar.) +So what does he do but up and shout +To a graybeard turnkey, "Let 'em out!" + +To mind his orders was all he knew; +The gates swung open, and out they flew. +"Where are our broomsticks?" the beldams cried. +"Here are your broomsticks," an imp replied. +"They've been in--the place you know--so long +They smell of brimstone uncommon strong; +But they've gained by being left alone, +Just look, and you'll see how tall they've grown." +--And where is my cat? "a vixen squalled. +Yes, where are our cats?" the witches bawled, +And began to call them all by name: +As fast as they called the cats, they came +There was bob-tailed Tommy and long-tailed Tim, +And wall-eyed Jacky and green-eyed Jim, +And splay-foot Benny and slim-legged Beau, +And Skinny and Squally, and Jerry and Joe, + +And many another that came at call, +It would take too long to count them all. +All black,--one could hardly tell which was which, +But every cat knew his own old witch; +And she knew hers as hers knew her, +Ah, did n't they curl their tails and purr! + +No sooner the withered hags were free +Than out they swarmed for a midnight spree; +I could n't tell all they did in rhymes, +But the Essex people had dreadful times. +The Swampscott fishermen still relate +How a strange sea-monster stole thair bait; +How their nets were tangled in loops and knots, +And they found dead crabs in their lobster-pots. +Poor Danvers grieved for her blasted crops, +And Wilmington mourned over mildewed hops. +A blight played havoc with Beverly beans, +It was all the work of those hateful queans! +A dreadful panic began at "Pride's," +Where the witches stopped in their midnight rides, +And there rose strange rumors and vague alarms +'Mid the peaceful dwellers at Beverly Farms. + +Now when the Boss of the Beldams found +That without his leave they were ramping round, +He called,--they could hear him twenty miles, +>From Chelsea beach to the Misery Isles; +The deafest old granny knew his tone +Without the trick of the telephone. +"Come here, you witches! Come here!" says he,-- +"At your games of old, without asking me +I'll give you a little job to do +That will keep you stirring, you godless crew!" + +They came, of course, at their master's call, +The witches, the broomsticks, the cats, and all; +He led the hags to a railway train +The horses were trying to drag in vain. +"Now, then," says he, "you've had your fun, +And here are the cars you've got to run. + +The driver may just unhitch his team, +We don't want horses, we don't want steam; +You may keep your old black cats to hug, +But the loaded train you've got to lug." + +Since then on many a car you'll see +A broomstick plain as plain can be; +On every stick there's a witch astride, +The string you see to her leg is tied. +She will do a mischief if she can, +But the string is held by a careful man, +And whenever the evil-minded witch +Would cut come caper, he gives a twitch. +As for the hag, you can't see her, +But hark! you can hear her black cat's purr, +And now and then, as a car goes by, +You may catch a gleam from her wicked eye. + +Often you've looked on a rushing train, +But just what moved it was not so plain. +It couldn't be those wires above, +For they could neither pull nor shove; +Where was the motor that made it go +You couldn't guess, but now you know. + +Remember my rhymes when you ride again +On the rattling rail by the broomstick train! + + + + +X + +In my last report of our talks over the teacups I had something to +say of the fondness of our people for titles. Where did the anti- +republican, anti-democratic passion for swelling names come from, and +how long has it been naturalized among us? + +A striking instance of it occurred at about the end of the last +century. It was at that time there appeared among us one of the most +original and singular personages to whom America has given birth. +Many of our company,--many of my readers,--all well acquainted with +his name, and not wholly ignorant of his history. They will not +object to my giving some particulars relating to him, which, if not +new to them, will be new to others into whose hands these pages may +fall. + +Timothy Dexter, the first claimant of a title of nobility among the +people of the United States of America, was born in the town of +Malden, near Boston. He served an apprenticeship as a leather- +dresser, saved some money, got some more with his wife, began trading +and speculating, and became at last rich, for those days. His most +famous business enterprise was that of sending an invoice of warming- +pans to the West Indies. A few tons of ice would have seemed to +promise a better return; but in point of fact, he tells us, the +warming-pans were found useful in the manufacture of sugar, and +brought him in a handsome profit. His ambition rose with his +fortune. He purchased a large and stately house in Newburyport, and +proceeded to embellish and furnish it according to the dictates of +his taste and fancy. In the grounds about his house, he caused to be +erected between forty and fifty wooden statues of great men and +allegorical figures, together with four lions and one lamb. Among +these images were two statues of Dexter himself, one of which held a +label with a characteristic inscription. His house was ornamented +with minarets, adorned with golden balls, and surmounted by a large +gilt eagle. He equipped it with costly furniture, with paintings, +and a library. He went so far as to procure the services of a poet +laureate, whose business it seems to have been to sing his praises. +Surrounded with splendors like these, the plain title of "Mr." Dexter +would have been infinitely too mean and common. He therefore boldly +took the step of self-ennobling, and gave himself forth--as he said, +obeying "the voice of the people at large"--as "Lord Timothy Dexter," +by which appellation he has ever since been known to the American +public. + +If to be the pioneer in the introduction of Old World titles into +republican America can confer a claim to be remembered by posterity, +Lord Timothy Dexter has a right to historic immortality. If the true +American spirit shows itself most clearly in boundless self - +assertion, Timothy Dexter is the great original American egotist. If +to throw off the shackles of Old World pedantry, and defy the paltry +rules and examples of grammarians and rhetoricians, is the special +province and the chartered privilege of the American writer, Timothy +Dexter is the founder of a new school, which tramples under foot the +conventionalities that hampered and subjugated the faculties of the +poets, the dramatists, the historians, essayists, story-tellers, +orators, of the worn-out races which have preceded the great American +people. + +The material traces of the first American nobleman's existence have +nearly disappeared. The house is still standing, but the statues, +the minarets, the arches, and the memory of the great Lord Timothy +Dexter live chiefly in tradition, and in the work which be bequeathed +to posterity, and of which I shall say a few words. It is +unquestionably a thoroughly original production, and I fear that some +readers may think I am trifling with them when I am quoting it +literally. I am going to make a strong claim for Lord Timothy as +against other candidates for a certain elevated position. + +Thomas Jefferson is commonly recognized as the first to proclaim +before the world the political independence of America. It is not so +generally agreed upon as to who was the first to announce the +literary emancipation of our country. + +One of Mr. Emerson's biographers has claimed that his Phi Beta Kappa +Oration was our Declaration of Literary Independence. But Mr. +Emerson did not cut himself loose from all the traditions of Old +World scholarship. He spelled his words correctly, he constructed +his sentences grammatically. He adhered to the slavish rules of +propriety, and observed the reticences which a traditional delicacy +has considered inviolable in decent society, European and Oriental +alike. When he wrote poetry, he commonly selected subjects which +seemed adapted to poetical treatment,--apparently thinking that all +things were not equally calculated to inspire the true poet's genius. +Once, indeed, he ventured to refer to "the meal in the firkin, the +milk in the pan," but he chiefly restricted himself to subjects such +as a fastidious conventionalism would approve as having a certain +fitness for poetical treatment. He was not always so careful as he +might have been in the rhythm and rhyme of his verse, but in the main +he recognized the old established laws which have been accepted as +regulating both. In short, with all his originality, he worked in +Old World harness, and cannot be considered as the creator of a truly +American, self-governed, self-centred, absolutely independent style +of thinking and writing, knowing no law but its own sovereign will +and pleasure. + +A stronger claim might be urged for Mr. Whitman. He takes into his +hospitable vocabulary words which no English dictionary recognizes as +belonging to the language,--words which will be looked for in vain +outside of his own pages. He accepts as poetical subjects all things +alike, common and unclean, without discrimination, miscellaneous as +the contents of the great sheet which Peter saw let down from heaven. +He carries the principle of republicanism through the whole world of +created objects. He will "thread a thread through [his] poems," he +tells us, "that no one thing in the universe is inferior to another +thing." No man has ever asserted the surpassing dignity and +importance of the American citizen so boldly and freely as Mr. +Whitman. He calls himself "teacher of the unquenchable creed, +namely, egotism." He begins one of his chants, "I celebrate myself," +but he takes us all in as partners in his self-glorification. He +believes in America as the new Eden. + +"A world primal again,--vistas of glory incessant and branching, +A new race dominating previous ones and grander far, +New politics--new literature and religions--new inventions and arts." + +Of the new literature be himself has furnished specimens which +certainly have all the originality he can claim for them. So far as +egotism is concerned, he was clearly anticipated by the titled +personage to whom I have referred, who says of himself, "I am the +first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest +philosopher in the Western world." But while Mr. Whitman divests +himself of a part of his baptismal name, the distinguished New +Englander thus announces his proud position: "Ime the first Lord in +the younited States of A mercary Now of Newburyport. it is the voice +of the peopel and I cant Help it." This extract is from his famous +little book called "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones." As an inventor +of a new American style he goes far beyond Mr. Whitman, who, to be +sure, cares little for the dictionary, and makes his own rules of +rhythm, so far as there is any rhythm in his sentences. But Lord +Timothy spells to suit himself, and in place of employing punctuation +as it is commonly used, prints a separate page of periods, colons, +semicolons, commas, notes of interrogation and of admiration, with +which the reader is requested to "peper and soolt" the book as he +pleases. + +I am afraid that Mr. Emerson and Mr. Whitman must yield the claim of +declaring American literary independence to Lord Timothy Dexter, who +not only taught his countrymen that they need not go to the Heralds' +College to authenticate their titles of nobility, but also that they +were at perfect liberty to spell just as they liked, and to write +without troubling themselves about stops of any kind. In writing +what I suppose he intended for poetry, he did not even take the pains +to break up his lines into lengths to make them look like verse, as +may be seen by the following specimen: + + WONDER OF WONDERS! + +How great the soul is! Do not you all wonder and admire to see and +behold and hear? Can you all believe half the truth, and admire to +hear the wonders how great the soul is--only behold--past finding +out! Only see how large the soul is! that if a man is drowned in the +sea what a great bubble comes up out of the top of the water... The +bubble is the soul. + +I confess that I am not in sympathy with some of the movements that +accompany the manifestations of American social and literary +independence. I do not like the assumption of titles of Lords and +Knights by plain citizens of a country which prides itself on +recognizing simple manhood and womanhood as sufficiently entitled to +respect without these unnecessary additions. I do not like any +better the familiar, and as it seems to me rude, way of speaking of +our fellow-citizens who are entitled to the common courtesies of +civilized society. I never thought it dignified or even proper for a +President of the United States to call himself, or to be called by +others, "Frank" Pierce. In the first place I had to look in a +biographical dictionary to find out whether his baptismal name was +Franklin, or Francis, or simply Frank, for I think children are +sometimes christened with this abbreviated name. But it is too much +in the style of Cowper's unpleasant acquaintance : + + "The man who hails you Tom or Jack, + And proves by thumping on your back + How he esteems your merit." + +I should not like to hear our past chief magistrates spoken of as +Jack Adams or Jim Madison, and it would have been only as a political +partisan that I should have reconciled myself to "Tom" Jefferson. +So, in spite of "Ben" Jonson, "Tom" Moore, and "Jack" Sheppard, I +prefer to speak of a fellow-citizen already venerable by his years, +entitled to respect by useful services to his country, and recognized +by many as the prophet of a new poetical dispensation, with the +customary title of adults rather than by the free and easy school-boy +abbreviation with which he introduced himself many years ago to the +public. As for his rhapsodies, Number Seven, our "cracked Teacup," +says they sound to him like "fugues played on a big organ which has +been struck by lightning." So far as concerns literary independence, +if we understand by that term the getting rid of our subjection to +British criticism, such as it was in the days when the question was +asked, "Who reads an American book?" we may consider it pretty well +established. If it means dispensing with punctuation, coining words +at will, self-revelation unrestrained by a sense of what is decorous, +declamations in which everything is glorified without being +idealized, "poetry" in which the reader must make the rhythms which +the poet has not made for him, then I think we had better continue +literary colonists. I shrink from a lawless independence to which +all the virile energy and trampling audacity of Mr. Whitman fail to +reconcile me. But there is room for everybody and everything in our +huge hemisphere. Young America is like a three-year-old colt with +his saddle and bridle just taken off. The first thing he wants to do +is to roll. He is a droll object, sprawling in the grass with his +four hoofs in the air; but he likes it, and it won't harm us. So let +him roll,--let him roll + +Of all The Teacups around our table, Number Five is the one who is +the object of the greatest interest. Everybody wants to be her +friend, and she has room enough in her hospitable nature to find a +place for every one who is worthy of the privilege. The difficulty +is that it is so hard to be her friend without becoming her lover. I +have said before that she turns the subjects of her Circe-like +enchantment, not into swine, but into lambs. The Professor and I +move round among her lambs, the docile and amiable flock that come +and go at her bidding, that follow her footsteps, and are content to +live in the sunshine of her smile and within reach of the music of +her voice. I like to get her away from their amiable bleatings; I +love to talk with her about life, of which she has seen a great deal, +for she knows what it is to be an idol in society and the centre of +her social circle. It might be a question whether women or men most +admire and love her. With her own sex she is always helpful, +sympathizing, tender, charitable, sharing their griefs as well as +taking part in their pleasures. With men it has seemed to make +little difference whether they were young or old: all have found her +the same sweet, generous, unaffected companion; fresh enough in +feeling for the youngest, deep enough in the wisdom of the heart for +the oldest. She does not pretend to be youthful, nor does she +trouble herself that she has seen the roses of more Junes than many +of--the younger women who gather round her. She has not had to say, + + Comme je regrette + Mon bras si dodu, + +for her arm has never lost its roundness, and her face is one of +those that cannot be cheated of their charm even if they live long +enough to look upon the grown up grandchildren of their coevals. + +It is a wonder how Number Five can find the time to be so much to so +many friends of both sexes, in spite of the fact that she is one of +the most insatiable of readers. She not only reads, but she +remembers; she not only remembers, but she records, for her own use +and pleasure, and for the delight and profit of those who are +privileged to look over her note-books. Number Five, as I think I +have said before, has not the ambition to figure as an authoress. +That she could write most agreeably is certain. I have seen letters +of hers to friends which prove that clearly enough. Whether she +would find prose or verse the most natural mode of expression I +cannot say, but I know she is passionately fond of poetry, and I +should not be surprised if, laid away among the pressed pansies and +roses of past summers, there were poems, songs, perhaps, of her own, +which she sings to herself with her fingers touching the piano; for +to that she tells her secrets in tones sweet as the ring-dove's call +to her mate. + +I am afraid it may be suggested that I am drawing Number Five's +portrait too nearly after some model who is unconsciously sitting for +it; but have n't I told you that you must not look for flesh and +blood personalities behind or beneath my Teacups? I am not going to +make these so lifelike that you will be saying, This is Mr. or Miss, +or Mrs. So-and-So. My readers must remember that there are very many +pretty, sweet, amiable girls and women sitting at their pianos, and +finding chords to the music of their heart-strings. If I have +pictured Number Five as one of her lambs might do it, I have +succeeded in what I wanted to accomplish. Why don't I describe her +person? If I do, some gossip or other will be sure to say, "Oh, he +means her, of course," and find a name to match the pronoun. + +It is strange to see how we are all coming to depend upon the +friendly aid of Number Five in our various perplexities. The +Counsellor asked her opinion in one of those cases where a divorce +was too probable, but a reconciliation was possible. It takes a +woman to sound a woman's heart, and she found there was still love +enough under the ruffled waters to warrant the hope of peace and +tranquillity. The young Doctor went to her for counsel in the case +of a hysteric girl possessed with the idea that she was a born +poetess, and covering whole pages of foolscap with senseless +outbursts, which she wrote in paroxysms of wild excitement, and read +with a rapture of self-admiration which there was nothing in her +verses to justify or account for. How sweetly Number Five dealt with +that poor deluded sister in her talk with the Doctor! "Yes," she +said to him, "nothing can be fuller of vanity, self-worship, and +self-deception. But we must be very gentle with her. I knew a young +girl tormented with aspirations, and possessed by a belief that she +was meant for a higher place than that which fate had assigned her, +who needed wholesome advice, just as this poor young thing does. She +did not ask for it, and it was not offered. Alas, alas! 'no man +cared for her soul,'--no man nor woman either. She was in her early +teens, and the thought of her earthly future, as it stretched out +before her, was more than she could bear, and she sought the presence +of her Maker to ask the meaning of her abortive existence. --We will +talk it over. I will help you take care of this child." + +The Doctor was thankful to have her assistance in a case with which +he would have found it difficult to deal if he had been left to, his +unaided judgment, and between them the young girl was safely piloted +through the perilous straits in which she came near shipwreck. + +I know that it is commonly said of her that every male friend of hers +must become her lover unless he is already lassoed by another. Il +fait passer par l'a. The young Doctor is, I think, safe, for I am +convinced that he is bewitched with Delilah. Since she has left us, +he has seemed rather dejected; I feel sure that he misses her. We +all do, but he more seriously than the rest of us. I have said that +I cannot tell whether the Counsellor is to be counted as one of +Number Five's lambs or not, but he evidently admires her, and if he +is not fascinated, looks as if he were very near that condition. + +It was a more delicate matter about which the Tutor talked with her. +Something which she had pleasantly said to him about the two Annexes +led him to ask her, more or less seriously, it may be remembered, +about the fitness of either of them to be the wife of a young man in +his position. She talked so sensibly, as it seemed to him, about it +that he continued the conversation, and, shy as he was, became quite +easy and confidential in her company. The Tutor is not only a poet, +but is a great reader of the poetry of many languages. It so +happened that Number Five was puzzled, one day, in reading a sonnet +of Petrarch, and had recourse to the Tutor to explain the difficult +passage. She found him so thoroughly instructed, so clear, so much +interested, so ready to impart knowledge, and so happy in his way of +doing it, that she asked him if he would not allow her the privilege +of reading an Italian author under his guidance, now and then. + +The Tutor found Number Five an apt scholar, and something more than +that; for while, as a linguist, he was, of course, her master, her +intelligent comments brought out the beauties of an author in a way +to make the text seem like a different version. They did not always +confine themselves to the book they were reading. Number Five showed +some curiosity about the Tutor's relations with the two Annexes. She +suggested whether it would not be well to ask one or both of them in +to take part in their readings. The Tutor blushed and hesitated. +"Perhaps you would like to ask one of them," said Number Five. +"Which one shall it be?" "It makes no difference to me which," he +answered," but I do not see that we need either." Number Five did +not press the matter further. So the young Tutor and Number Five +read together pretty regularly, and came to depend upon their meeting +over a book as one of their stated seasons of enjoyment. He is so +many years younger than she is that I do not suppose he will have to +pass par la, as most of her male friends have done. I tell her +sometimes that she reminds me of my Alma Mater, always young, always +fresh in her attractions, with her scholars all round her, many of +them graduates, or to graduate sooner or later. + +What do I mean by graduates? Why, that they have made love to her, +and would be entitled to her diploma, if she gave a parchment to each +one of them who had had the courage to face the inevitable. About +the Counsellor I am, as I have said, in doubt. Who wrote that +"I Like You and I Love You," which we found in the sugar-bowl the +other day? Was it a graduate who had felt the "icy dagger," or only +a candidate for graduation who was afraid of it? So completely does +she subjugate those who come under her influence that I believe she +looks upon it as a matter of course that the fateful question will +certainly come, often after a brief acquaintance. She confessed as +much to me, who am in her confidence, and not a candidate for +graduation from her academy. Her graduates--her lambs I called them +--are commonly faithful to her, and though now and then one may have +gone off and sulked in solitude, most of them feel kindly to her, and +to those who have shared the common fate of her suitors. I do really +believe that some of them would be glad to see her captured by any +one, if such there can be, who is worthy of her. She is the best of +friends, they say, but can she love anybody, as so many other women +do, or seem to? Why shouldn't our Musician, who is evidently fond of +her company, and sings and plays duets with her, steal her heart as +Piozzi stole that of the pretty and bright Mrs. Thrale, as so many +music-teachers have run away with their pupils' hearts? At present +she seems to be getting along very placidly and contentedly with her +young friend the Tutor. There is something quite charming in their +relations with each other. He knows many things she does not, for he +is reckoned one of the most learned in his literary specialty of all +the young men of his time; and it can be a question of only a few +years when some first-class professorship will be offered him. She, +on the other hand, has so much more experience, so much more +practical wisdom, than he has that he consults her on many every-day +questions, as he did, or made believe do, about that of making love +to one of the two Annexes. I had thought, when we first sat round +the tea-table, that she was good for the bit of romance I wanted; but +since she has undertaken to be a kind of half-maternal friend to the +young Tutor, I am afraid I shall have to give her up as the heroine +of a romantic episode. It would be a pity if there were nothing to +commend these papers to those who take up this periodical but essays, +more or less significant, on subjects more or less interesting to the +jaded and impatient readers of the numberless stories and +entertaining articles which crowd the magazines of this prolific +period. A whole year of a tea-table as large as ours without a +single love passage in it would be discreditable to the company. We +must find one, or make one, before the tea-things are taken away and +the table is no longer spread. + + + The Dictator turns preacher. + +We have so many light and playful talks over the teacups that some +readers may be surprised to find us taking up the most serious and +solemn subject which can occupy a human intelligence. The sudden +appearance among our New England Protestants of the doctrine of +purgatory as a possibility, or even probability, has startled the +descendants of the Puritans. It has naturally led to a +reconsideration of the doctrine of eternal punishment. It is on that +subject that Number Five and I have talked together. I love to +listen to her, for she talks from the promptings of a true woman's +heart. I love to talk to her, for I learn my own thoughts better in +that way than in any other "L'appetit vient en mangeant," the French +saying has it. "L'esprit vient en causant;" that is, if one can find +the right persons to talk with. + +The subject which has specially interested Number Five and myself, of +late, was suggested to me in the following way. + +Some two years ago I received a letter from a clergyman who bears by +inheritance one of the most distinguished names which has done honor +to the American "Orthodox" pulpit. This letter requested of me "a +contribution to a proposed work which was to present in their own +language the views of 'many men of many minds' on the subject of +future punishment. It was in my mind to let the public hear not only +from professional theologians, but from other professions, as from +jurists on the alleged but disputed value of the hangman's whip +overhanging the witness-box, and from physicians on the working of +beliefs about the future life in the minds of the dangerously sick. +And I could not help thinking what a good thing it would be to draw +out the present writer upon his favorite borderland between the +spiritual and the material." The communication came to me, as the +writer reminds me in a recent letter, at a "painfully inopportune +time," and though it was courteously answered, was not made the +subject of a special reply. + +This request confers upon me a certain right to express my opinion on +this weighty subject without fear and without reproach even from +those who might be ready to take offence at one of the laity for +meddling with pulpit questions. It shows also that this is not a +dead issue in our community, as some of the younger generation seem +to think. There are some, there may be many, who would like to hear +what impressions one has received on the subject referred to, after a +long life in which he has heard and read a great deal about the +matter. There is a certain gravity in the position of one who is, in +the order of nature very near the undiscovered country. A man who +has passed his eighth decade feels as if be were already in the +antechamber of the apartments which he may be called to occupy in the +house of many mansions. His convictions regarding the future of our +race are likely to be serious, and his expressions not lightly +uttered. The question my correspondent suggests is a tremendous one. +No other interest compares for one moment with that belonging to it. +It is not only ourselves that it concerns, but all whom we love or +ever have loved, all our human brotherhood, as well as our whole idea +of the Being who made us and the relation in which He stands to his +creatures. In attempting to answer my correspondent's question, I +shall no doubt repeat many things I have said before in different +forms, on different occasions. This is no more than every clergyman +does habitually, and it would be hard if I could not have the same +license which the professional preacher enjoys so fully. + +Number Five and I have occasionally talked on religious questions, +and discovered many points of agreement in our views. Both of us +grew up under the old "Orthodox " or Calvinistic system of belief. +Both of us accepted it in our early years as a part of our education. +Our experience is a common one. William Cullen Bryant says of +himself, "The Calvinistic system of divinity I adopted of course, as +I heard nothing else taught from the pulpit, and supposed it to be +the accepted belief of the religious world." But it was not the +"five points" which remained in the young poet's memory and shaped +his higher life. It was the influence of his mother that left its +permanent impression after the questions and answers of the +Assembly's Catechism had faded out, or remained in memory only as +fossil survivors of an extinct or fast-disappearing theological +formation. The important point for him, as for so many other +children of Puritan descent, was not his father's creed, but his +mother's character, precepts, and example. "She was a person," he +says, "of excellent practical sense, of a quick and sensitive moral +judgment, and had no patience with any form of deceit or duplicity. +Her prompt condemnation of injustice, even in those instances in +which it is tolerated by the world, made a strong impression upon me +in early life; and if, in the discussion of public questions, I have +in my riper age endeavored to keep in view the great rule of right +without much regard to persons, it has been owing in a great degree +to the force of her example, which taught me never to countenance a +wrong because others did." + +I have quoted this passage because it was an experience not wholly +unlike my own, and in certain respects like that of Number Five. To +grow up in a narrow creed and to grow out of it is a tremendous trial +of one's nature. There is always a bond of fellowship between those +who have been through such an ordeal. + +The experiences we have had in common naturally lead us to talk over +the theological questions which at this time are constantly +presenting themselves to the public, not only in the books and papers +expressly devoted to that class of subjects, but in many of the +newspapers and popular periodicals, from the weeklies to the +quarterlies. The pulpit used to lay down the law to the pews; at the +present time, it is of more consequence what the pews think than what +the minister does, for the obvious reason that the pews can change +their minister, and often do, whereas the minister cannot change the +pews, or can do so only to a very limited extent. The preacher's +garment is cut according to the pattern of that of the hearers, for +the most part. Thirty years ago, when I was writing on theological +subjects, I came in for a very pretty share of abuse, such as it was +the fashion of that day, at least in certain quarters, to bestow upon +those who were outside of the high-walled enclosures in which many +persons; not naturally unamiable or exclusive, found themselves +imprisoned. Since that time what changes have taken place! Who will +believe that a well-behaved and reputable citizen could have been +denounced as a "moral parricide," because he attacked some of the +doctrines in which he was supposed to have been brought up? A single +thought should have prevented the masked theologian who abused his +incognito from using such libellous language. + +Much, and in many families most, of the religious teaching of +children is committed to the mother. The experience of William +Cullen Bryant, which I have related in his own words, is that of many +New England children. Now, the sternest dogmas that ever came from a +soul cramped or palsied by an obsolete creed become wonderfully +softened in passing between the lips of a mother. The cruel doctrine +at which all but case-hardened "professionals" shudder cones out, as +she teaches and illustrates it, as unlike its original as the milk +which a peasant mother gives her babe is unlike the coarse food which +furnishes her nourishment. The virus of a cursing creed is rendered +comparatively harmless by the time it reaches the young sinner in the +nursery. Its effects fall as far short of what might have been +expected from its virulence as the pearly vaccine vesicle falls short +of the terrors of the confluent small-pox. Controversialists should +therefore be careful (for their own sakes, for they hurt nobody so +much as themselves) how they use such terms as "parricide" as +characterizing those who do not agree in all points with the fathers +whom or whose memory they honor and venerate. They might with as +much propriety call them matricides, if they did not agree with the +milder teachings of their mothers. I can imagine Jonathan Edwards in +the nursery with his three-year-old child upon his knee. The child +looks up to his face and says to him,--"Papa, nurse tells me that you +say God hates me worse than He hates one of those horrid ugly snakes +that crawl all round. Does God hate me so?" + +"Alas! my child, it is but too true. So long as you are out of +Christ you are as a viper, and worse than a viper, in his sight." + +By and by, Mrs. Edwards, one of the loveliest of women and sweetest +of mothers, comes into the nursery. The child is crying. + +"What is the matter, my darling?" + +" Papa has been telling me that God hates me worse than a snake." + +Poor, gentle, poetical, sensitive, spiritual, almost celestial Mrs. +Jonathan Edwards! On the one hand the terrible sentence conceived, +written down, given to the press, by the child's father; on the other +side the trusting child looking up at her, and all the mother +pleading in her heart against the frightful dogma of her revered +husband. Do you suppose she left that poison to rankle in the tender +soul of her darling? Would it have been moral parricide for a son of +the great divine to have repudiated the doctrine which degraded his +blameless infancy to the condition and below the condition of the +reptile? Was it parricide in the second or third degree when his +descendant struck out that venomous sentence from the page in which +it stood as a monument to what depth Christian heathenism could sink +under the teaching of the great master of logic and spiritual +inhumanity? It is too late to be angry about the abuse a well-- +meaning writer received thirty years ago. The whole atmosphere has +changed since then. It is mere childishness to expect men to believe +as their fathers did; that is, if they have any minds of their own. +The world is a whole generation older and wiser than when the father +was of his son's age. + +So far as I have observed persons nearing the end of life, the Roman +Catholics understand the business of dying better than Protestants. +They have an expert by them, armed with spiritual specifics, in which +they both, patient and priestly ministrant, place implicit trust. +Confession, the Eucharist, Extreme Unction,--these all inspire a +confidence which without this symbolism is too apt to be wanting in +over-sensitive natures. They have been peopled in earlier years with +ghastly spectres of avenging fiends, moving in a sleepless world of +devouring flames and smothering exhalations; where nothing lives but +the sinner, the fiends, and the reptiles who help to make life an +unending torture. It is no wonder that these images sometimes return +to the enfeebled intelligence. To exorcise them, the old Church of +Christendom has her mystic formulae, of which no rationalistic +prescription can take the place. If Cowper had been a good Roman +Catholic, instead of having his conscience handled by a Protestant +like John Newton, he would not have died despairing, looking upon +himself as a castaway. I have seen a good many Roman Catholics on +their dying beds, and it always appeared to me that they accepted the +inevitable with a composure which showed that their belief, whether +or not the best to live by, was a better one to die by than most of +the harder creeds which have replaced it. + +In the more intelligent circles of American society one may question +anything and everything, if he will only do it civilly. We may talk +about eschatology, the science of last things,--or, if you will, the +natural history of the undiscovered country, without offence before +anybody except young children and very old women of both sexes. In +our New England the great Andover discussion and the heretical +missionary question have benumbed all sensibility on this subject as +entirely, as completely, as the new local anaesthetic, cocaine, +deadens the sensibility of the part to which it is applied, so that +the eye may have its mote or beam plucked out without feeling it,--as +the novels of Zola and Maupassant have hardened the delicate nerve- +centres of the women who have fed their imaginations on the food they +have furnished. + +The generally professed belief of the Protestant world as embodied in +their published creeds is that the great mass of mankind are destined +to an eternity of suffering. That this eternity is to be one of +bodily pain--of "torment "--is the literal teaching of Scripture, +which has been literally interpreted by the theologians, the poets, +and the artists of many long ages which followed the acceptance of +the recorded legends of the church as infallible. The doctrine has +always been recognized, as it is now, as a very terrible one. It has +found a support in the story of the fall of man, and the view taken +of the relation of man to his Maker since that event. The hatred of +God to mankind in virtue of their "first disobedience" and inherited +depravity is at the bottom of it. The extent to which that idea was +carried is well shown in the expressions I have borrowed from +Jonathan Edwards. According to his teaching,--and he was a reasoner +who knew what he was talking about, what was involved in the premises +of the faith he accepted,--man inherits the curse of God as his +principal birthright. + +What shall we say to the doctrine of the fall of man as the ground of +inflicting endless misery on the human race? A man to be punished +for what he could not help! He was expected to be called to account +for Adam's sin. It is singular to notice that the reasoning of the +wolf with the lamb should be transferred to the dealings of the +Creator with his creatures. "You stirred the brook up and made my +drinking-place muddy." "But, please your wolfship, I couldn't do +that, for I stirred the water far down the stream,--below your +drinking-place." "Well, anyhow, your father troubled it a year or +two ago, and that is the same thing." So the wolf falls upon the +lamb and makes a meal of him. That is wolf logic,--and theological +reasoning. + +How shall we characterize the doctrine of endless torture as the +destiny of most of those who have lived, and are living, on this +planet? I prefer to let another writer speak of it. Mr. John Morley +uses the following words: "The horrors of what is perhaps the most +frightful idea that has ever corroded human character,--the idea of +eternal punishment." Sismondi, the great historian, heard a sermon +on eternal punishment, and vowed never again to enter another church +holding the same creed. Romanism he considered a religion of mercy +and peace by the side of what the English call the Reformation. --I +mention these protests because I happen to find them among my notes, +but it would be easy to accumulate examples of the same kind. When +Cowper, at about the end of the last century, said satirically of the +minister he was attacking, + + "He never mentioned hell to ears polite, " + +he was giving unconscious evidence that the sense of the barbarism of +the idea was finding its way into the pulpit. When Burns, in the +midst of the sulphurous orthodoxy of Scotland, dared to say, + + "The fear o' hell 's a hangman's whip + To haud the wretch in order," + +he was oily appealing to the common sense and common humanity of his +fellow-countrymen. + +All the reasoning in the world, all the proof-texts in old +manuscripts, cannot reconcile this supposition of a world of +sleepless and endless torment with the declaration that "God is +love." + +Where did this "frightful idea" come from? We are surprised, as we +grow older, to find that the legendary hell of the church is nothing +more nor less than the Tartarus of the old heathen world. It has +every mark of coming from the cruel heart of a barbarous despot. +Some malignant and vindictive Sheik, some brutal Mezentius, must have +sat for many pictures of the Divinity. It was not enough to kill his +captive enemy, after torturing him as much as ingenuity could +contrive to do it. He escaped at last by death, but his conqueror +could not give him up so easily, and so his vengeance followed him +into the unseen and unknown world. How the doctrine got in among, +the legends of the church we are no more bound to show than we are to +account for the intercalation of the "three witnesses" text, or the +false insertion, or false omission, whichever it may be, of the last +twelve verses of the Gospel of St Mark. We do not hang our +grandmothers now, as our ancestors did theirs, on the strength of the +positive command, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." + +The simple truth is that civilization has outgrown witchcraft, and is +outgrowing the Christian Tartarus. The pulpit no longer troubles +itself about witches and their evil doings. All the legends in the +world could not arrest the decay of that superstition and all the +edicts that grew out of it. All the stories that can be found in old +manuscripts will never prevent the going out of the fires of the +legendary Inferno. It is not much talked about nowadays to ears +polite or impolite. Humanity is shocked and repelled by it. The +heart of woman is in unconquerable rebellion against it. The more +humane sects tear it from their "Bodies of Divinity" as if it were +the flaming shirt of Nessus. A few doctrines with which it was bound +up have dropped or are dropping away from it: the primal curse; +consequential damages to give infinite extension to every +transgression of the law of God; inverting the natural order of +relative obligations; stretching the smallest of finite offenses to +the proportions of the infinite; making the babe in arms the +responsible being, and not the parent who gave it birth and +determined its conditions of existence. + +After a doctrine like "the hangman's whip" has served its purpose,-- +if it ever had any useful purpose,--after a doctrine like that of +witchcraft has hanged old women enough, civilization contrives to get +rid of it. When we say that civilization crowds out the old +superstitious legends, we recognize two chief causes. The first is +the naked individual protest; the voice of the inspiration which +giveth man understanding. This shows itself conspicuously in the +modern poets. Burns in Scotland, Bryant, Longfellow, Whittier, in +America, preached a new gospel to the successors of men like Thomas +Boston and Jonathan Edwards. In due season, the growth of knowledge, +chiefly under the form of that part of knowledge called science, so +changes the views of the universe that many of its long-unchallenged +legends become no more than nursery tales. The text-books of +astronomy and geology work their way in between the questions and +answers of the time-honored catechisms. The doctrine of evolution, +so far as it is accepted, changes the whole relations of man to the +creative power. It substitutes infinite hope in the place of +infinite despair for the vast majority of mankind. Instead of a +shipwreck, from which a few cabin passengers and others are to be +saved in the long-boat, it gives mankind a vessel built to endure the +tempests, and at last to reach a port where at the worst the +passengers can find rest, and where they may hope for a home better +than any which they ever had in their old country. It is all very +well to say that men and women had their choice whether they would +reach the safe harbor or not. + + "Go to it grandam, child; + Give grandam kingdom, and it grandam will + Give it a plum, a cherry and a fig." + +We know what the child will take. So which course we shall take +depends very much on the way the choice is presented to us, and on +what the chooser is by nature. What he is by nature is not +determined by himself, but by his parentage. "They know not what +they do." In one sense this is true of every human being. The agent +does not know, never can know, what makes him that which he is. What +we most want to ask of our Maker is an unfolding of the divine +purpose in putting human beings into conditions in which such numbers +of them would be sure to go wrong. We want an advocate of helpless +humanity whose task it shall be, in the words of Milton, + + "To justify the ways of God to man." + +We have heard Milton's argument, but for the realization of his +vision of the time + + "When Hell itself shall pass away, + And leave her dolorous mansions to the peering day," + +our suffering race must wait in patience. + +The greater part of the discourse the reader has had before him was +delivered over the teacups one Sunday afternoon. The Mistress looked +rather grave, as if doubtful whether she ought not to signify her +disapprobation of what seemed to her dangerous doctrine. + +However, as she knew that I was a good church-goer and was on the +best terms with her minister, she said nothing to show that she had +taken the alarm. Number Five listened approvingly. We had talked +the question over well, and were perfectly agreed on the main point. +How could it be otherwise? Do you suppose that any intellectual, +spiritual woman, with a heart under her bodice, can for a moment +seriously believe that the greater number of the high-minded men, the +noble and lovely women, the ingenuous and affectionate children, whom +she knows and honors or loves, are to be handed over to the experts +in a great torture-chamber, in company with the vilest creatures that +have once worn human shape? + +"If there is such a world as used to be talked about from the pulpit, +you may depend upon it," she said to me once, "there will soon be +organized a Humane Society in heaven, and a mission established among +'the spirits in prison.'" + +Number Five is a regular church-goer, as I am. I do not believe +either of us would darken the doors of a church if we were likely to +hear any of the "old-fashioned" sermons, such as I used to listen to +in former years from a noted clergyman, whose specialty was the +doctrine of eternal punishment. But you may go to the churches of +almost any of our Protestant denominations, and hear sermons by which +you can profit, because the ministers are generally good men, whose +moral and spiritual natures are above the average, and who know that +the harsh preaching of two or three generations ago would offend and +alienate a large part of their audience. So neither Number Five nor +I are hypocrites in attending church or "going to meeting." I am +afraid it does not make a great deal of difference to either of us +what may be the established creed of the worshipping assembly. That +is a matter of great interest, perhaps of great importance, to them, +but of much less, comparatively, to us. Companionship in worship, +and sitting quiet for an hour while a trained speaker, presumably +somewhat better than we are, stirs up our spiritual nature,--these +are reasons enough to Number Five, as to me, for regular attendance +on divine worship. + +Number Seven is of a different way of thinking and feeling. He +insists upon it that the churches keep in their confessions of faith +statements which they do not believe, and that it is notorious that +they are afraid to meddle with them. The Anglo-American church has +dropped the Athanasian Creed from its service; the English mother +church is afraid to. There are plenty of Universalists, Number Seven +says, in the Episcopalian and other Protestant churches, but they do +not avow their belief in any frank and candid fashion. The churches +know very well, he maintains, that the fear of everlasting punishment +more than any or all other motives is the source of their power and +the support of their organizations. Not only are the fears of +mankind the whip to scourge and the bridle to restrain them, but they +are the basis of an almost incalculable material interest. "Talk +about giving up the doctrine of endless punishment by fire!" +exclaimed Number Seven; "there is more capital embarked in the +subterranean fire-chambers than in all the iron-furnaces on the face +of the earth. To think what an army of clerical beggars would be +turned loose on the world, if once those raging flames were allowed +to go out or to calm down! Who can wonder that the old conservatives +draw back startled and almost frightened at the thought that there +may be a possible escape for some victims whom the Devil was thought +to have secured? How many more generations will pass before Milton's +alarming prophecy will find itself realized in the belief of +civilized mankind? " + +Remember that Number Seven is called a "crank" by many persons, and +take his remarks for just what they are worth, and no more. + +Out of the preceding conversation must have originated the following +poem, which was found in the common receptacle of these versified +contributions: + + + TARTARUS. + +While in my simple gospel creed +That "God is Love" so plain I read, +Shall dreams of heathen birth affright +My pathway through the coming night? +Ah, Lord of life, though spectres pale +Fill with their threats the shadowy vale, +With Thee my faltering steps to aid, +How can I dare to be afraid? + +Shall mouldering page or fading scroll +Outface the charter of the soul? +Shall priesthood's palsied arm protect +The wrong our human hearts reject, +And smite the lips whose shuddering cry +Proclaims a cruel creed a lie? +The wizard's rope we disallow +Was justice once,--is murder now! + +Is there a world of blank despair, +And dwells the Omnipresent there? +Does He behold with smile serene +The shows of that unending scene, +Where sleepless, hopeless anguish lies, +And, ever dying, never dies? + +Say, does He hear the sufferer's groan, +And is that child of wrath his own? +O mortal, wavering in thy trust, +Lift thy pale forehead from the dust +The mists that cloud thy darkened eyes +Fade ere they reach the o'erarching skies! +When the blind heralds of despair +Would bid thee doubt a Father's care, +Look up from earth, and read above +On heaven's blue tablet, GOD IS LOVE! + + + + +XI + + The tea is sweetened. + +We have been going on very pleasantly of late, each of us pretty well +occupied with his or her special business. The Counsellor has been +pleading in a great case, and several of The Teacups were in the +court-room. I thought, but I will not be certain, that some of his +arguments were addressed to Number Five rather than to the jury,--the +more eloquent passages especially. + +Our young Doctor seems to me to be gradually getting known in the +neighborhood and beyond it. A member of one of the more influential +families, whose regular physician has gone to Europe, has sent for +him to come and see her, and as the patient is a nervous lady, who +has nothing in particular the matter with her, he is probably in for +a good many visits and a long bill by and by. He has even had a call +at a distance of some miles from home,--at least be has had to hire a +conveyance frequently of late, for he has not yet set up his own +horse and chaise. We do not like to ask him about who his patient +may be, but he or she is probably a person of some consequence, as he +is absent several hours on these out-of-town visits. He may get a +good practice before his bald spot makes its appearance, for I have +looked for it many times without as yet seeing a sign of it. I am +sure he must feel encouraged, for he has been very bright and +cheerful of late; and if he sometimes looks at our new handmaid as if +he wished she were Delilah, I do not think he is breaking his heart +about her absence. Perhaps he finds consolation in the company of +the two Annexes, or one of them,--but which, I cannot make out. He +is in consultations occasionally with Number Five, too, but whether +professionally or not I have no means of knowing. I cannot for the +life of me see what Number Five wants of a doctor for herself, so +perhaps it is another difficult case in which her womanly sagacity is +called upon to help him. + +In the mean time she and the Tutor continue their readings. In fact, +it seems as if these readings were growing more frequent, and lasted +longer than they did at first. There is a little arbor in the +grounds connected with our place of meeting, and sometimes they have +gone there for their readings. Some of The Teacups have listened +outside once in a while, for the Tutor reads well, and his clear +voice must be heard in the more emphatic passages, whether one is +expressly listening or not. But besides the reading there is now and +then some talking, and persons talking in an arbor do not always +remember that latticework, no matter how closely the vines cover it, +is not impenetrable to the sound of the human voice. There was a +listener one day,--it was not one of The Teacups, I am happy to say, +--who heard and reported some fragments of a conversation which +reached his ear. Nothing but the profound intimacy which exists +between myself and the individual reader whose eyes are on this page +would induce me to reveal what I was told of this conversation. The +first words seem to have been in reply to some question. + +"Why, my dear friend, how can you think of such a thing? Do you +know--I am--old enough to be your--[I think she must have been on the +point of saying mother, but that was more than any woman could be +expected to say]--old enough to be your aunt?" + +"To be sure you are," answered the Tutor, "and what of it? I have +two aunts, both younger than I am. Your years may be more than mine, +but your life is fuller of youthful vitality than mine is. I never +feel so young as when I have been with you. I don't believe in +settling affinities by the almanac. You know what I have told you +more than once; you have n't 'bared the ice-cold dagger's edge' upon +me yet; may I not cherish the".... + +What a pity that the listener did not hear the rest of the sentence +and the reply to it, if there was one! The readings went on the same +as before, but I thought that Number Five was rather more silent and +more pensive than she had been. + + +I was much pleased when the American Annex came to me one day and +told me that she and the English Annex were meditating an expedition, +in which they wanted the other Teacups to join. About a dozen miles +from us is an educational institution of the higher grade, where a +large number of young ladies are trained in literature, art, and +science, very much as their brothers are trained in the colleges. +Our two young ladies have already been through courses of this kind +in different schools, and are now busy with those more advanced +studies which are ventured upon by only a limited number of +"graduates." They have heard a good deal about this institution, but +have never visited it. + +Every year, as the successive classes finish their course, there is a +grand reunion of the former students, with an "exhibition," as it is +called, in which the graduates of the year have an opportunity of +showing their proficiency in the various branches taught. On that +occasion prizes are awarded for excellence in different departments. +It would be hard to find a more interesting ceremony. These girls, +now recognized as young ladies, are going forth as missionaries of +civilization among our busy people. They are many of them to be +teachers, and those who have seen what opportunities they have to +learn will understand their fitness for that exalted office. Many +are to be the wives and mothers of the generation next coming upon +the stage. Young and beautiful, "youth is always beautiful," said +old Samuel Rogers,--their countenances radiant with developed +intelligence, their complexions, their figures, their movements, all +showing that they have had plenty of outdoor as well as indoor +exercise, and have lived well in all respects, one would like to read +on the wall of the hall where they are assembled,-- + + Siste, viator! + Si uxorem requiris, circumspice! + +This proposed expedition was a great event in our comparatively quiet +circle. The Mistress, who was interested in the school, undertook to +be the matron of the party. The young Doctor, who knew the roads +better than any of us, was to be our pilot. He arranged it so that +he should have the two Annexes under his more immediate charge. We +were all on the lookout to see which of the two was to be the favored +one, for it was pretty well settled among The Teacups that a wife he +must have, whether the bald spot came or not; he was getting into +business, and he could not achieve a complete success as a bachelor. + +Number Five and the Tutor seemed to come together as a matter of +course. I confess that I could not help regretting that our pretty +Delilah was not to be one of the party. She always looked so young, +so fresh,--she would have enjoyed the excursion so much, that if she +had been still with us I would have told the Mistress that she must +put on her best dress; and if she had n't one nice enough, I would +give her one myself. I thought, too, that our young Doctor would +have liked to have her with us; but he appeared to be getting along +very well with the Annexes, one of whom it seems likely that he will +annex to himself and his fortunes, if she fancies him, which is not +improbable. + +The organizing of this expedition was naturally a cause of great +excitement among The Teacups. The party had to be arranged in such a +way as to suit all concerned, which was a delicate matter. It was +finally managed in this way: The Mistress was to go with a bodyguard, +consisting of myself, the Professor, and Number Seven, who was good +company, with all his oddities. The young Doctor was to take the two +Annexes in a wagon, and the Tutor was to drive Number Five in a good +old-fashioned chaise drawn by a well-conducted family horse. As for +the Musician, he had gone over early, by special invitation, to take +a part in certain musical exercises which were to have a place in the +exhibition. This arrangement appeared to be in every respect +satisfactory. The Doctor was in high spirits, apparently delighted, +and devoting himself with great gallantry to his two fair companions. +The only question which intruded itself was, whether he might not +have preferred the company of one to that of two. But both looked +very attractive in their best dresses: the English Annex, the rosier +and heartier of the two; the American girl, more delicate in +features, more mobile and excitable, but suggesting the thought that +she would tire out before the other. Which of these did he most +favor? It was hard to say. He seemed to look most at the English +girl, and yet he talked more with the American girl. In short, he +behaved particularly well, and neither of the young ladies could +complain that she was not attended to. As to the Tutor and Number +Five, their going together caused no special comment. Their intimacy +was accepted as an established fact, and nothing but the difference +in their ages prevented the conclusion that it was love, and not mere +friendship, which brought them together. There was, no doubt, a +strong feeling among many people that Number Five's affections were a +kind of Gibraltar or Ehrenbreitstein, say rather a high table-land in +the region of perpetual, unmelting snow. It was hard for these +people to believe that any man of mortal mould could find a foothold +in that impregnable fortress,--could climb to that height and find +the flower of love among its glaciers. The Tutor and Number Five +were both quiet, thoughtful: he, evidently captivated; she, what was +the meaning of her manner to him? Say that she seemed fond of him, +as she might be were he her nephew,--one for whom she had a special +liking. If she had a warmer feeling than this, she could hardly know +how to manage it; for she was so used to having love made to her +without returning it that she would naturally be awkward in dealing +with the new experience. + +The Doctor drove a lively five-year-old horse, and took the lead. +The Tutor followed with a quiet, steady-going nag; if he had driven +the five-year-old, I would not have answered for the necks of the +pair in the chaise, for he was too much taken up with the subject +they were talking of, to be very careful about his driving. The +Mistress and her escort brought up the rear,--I holding the reins, +the Professor at my side, and Number Seven sitting with the Mistress. + +We arrived at the institution a little later than we had expected to, +and the students were flocking into the hall, where the Commencement +exercises were to take place, and the medal-scholars were to receive +the tokens of their excellence in the various departments. From our +seats we could see the greater part of the assembly,--not quite all, +however of the pupils. A pleasing sight it was to look upon, this +array of young ladies dressed in white, with their class badges, and +with the ribbon of the shade of blue affected by the scholars of the +institution. If Solomon in all his glory was not to be compared to a +lily, a whole bed of lilies could not be compared to this garden-bed +of youthful womanhood. + +The performances were very much the same as most of us have seen at +the academies and collegiate schools. Some of the graduating class +read their "compositions," one of which was a poem,--an echo of the +prevailing American echoes, of course, but prettily worded and +intelligently read. Then there was a song sung by a choir of the +pupils, led by their instructor, who was assisted by the Musician +whom we count among The Teacups. --There was something in one of the +voices that reminded me of one I had heard before. Where could it +have been? I am sure I cannot remember. There are some good voices +in our village choir, but none so pure and bird-like as this. A +sudden thought came into my head, but I kept it to myself. I heard a +tremulous catching of the breath, something like a sob, close by me. +It was the Mistress,--she was crying. What was she crying for? It +was impressive, certainly, to listen to these young voices, many of +them blending for the last time,--for the scholars were soon to be +scattered all over the country, and some of them beyond its +boundaries,--but why the Mistress was so carried away, I did not +know. She must be more impressible than most of us; yet I thought +Number Five also looked as if she were having a struggle with herself +to keep down some rebellious signs of emotion. + +The exercises went on very pleasingly until they came to the awarding +of the gold medal of the year and the valedictory, which was to be +delivered by the young lady to whom it was to be presented. The name +was called; it was one not unfamiliar to our ears, and the bearer of +it--the Delilah of our tea-table, Avis as she was known in the school +and elsewhere--rose in her place and came forward, so that for the +first time on that day, we looked upon her. It was a sensation for +The Teacups. Our modest, quiet waiting-girl was the best scholar of +her year. We had talked French before her, and we learned that she +was the best French scholar the teacher had ever had in the school. +We had never thought of her except as a pleasing and well-trained +handmaiden, and here she was an accomplished young lady. + +Avis went through her part very naturally and gracefully, and when it +was finished, and she stood before us with the medal glittering on +her breast, we did not know whether to smile or to cry,--some of us +did one, and some the other. --We all had an opportunity to see her +and congratulate her before we left the institution. The mystery of +her six weeks' serving at our table was easily solved. She had been +studying too hard and too long, and required some change of scene and +occupation. She had a fancy for trying to see if she could support +herself as so many young women are obliged to, and found a place with +us, the Mistress only knowing her secret. + +"She is to be our young Doctor's wife!" the Mistress whispered to me, +and did some more crying, not for grief, certainly. + +Whether our young Doctor's long visits to a neighboring town had +anything to do with the fact that Avis was at that institution, +whether she was the patient he visited or not, may be left in doubt. +At all events, he had always driven off in the direction which would +carry him to the place where she was at school. + +I have attended a large number of celebrations, commencements, +banquets, soirees, and so forth, and done my best to help on a good +many of them. In fact, I have become rather too well known in +connection with "occasions," and it has cost me no little trouble. +I believe there is no kind of occurrence for which I have not been +requested to contribute something in prose or verse. It is sometimes +very hard to say no to the requests. If one is in the right mood +when he or she writes an occasional poem, it seems as if nothing +could have been easier. "Why, that piece run off jest like ile. +I don't bullieve," the unlettered applicant says to himself, "I don't +bullieve it took him ten minutes to write them verses." The good +people have no suspicion of how much a single line, a single +expression, may cost its author. The wits used to say that Ropers,-- +the poet once before referred to, old Samuel Ropers, author of the +Pleasures of Memory and giver of famous breakfasts,--was accustomed +to have straw laid before the house whenever he had just given birth +to a couplet. It is not quite so bad as that with most of us who are +called upon to furnish a poem, a song, a hymn, an ode for some grand +meeting, but it is safe to say that many a trifling performance has +had more good honest work put into it than the minister's sermon of +that week had cost him. If a vessel glides off the ways smoothly and +easily at her launching, it does not mean that no great pains have +been taken to secure the result. Because a poem is an "occasional" +one, it does not follow that it has not taken as much time and skill +as if it had been written without immediate, accidental, temporary +motive. Pindar's great odes were occasional poems, just as much as +our Commencement and Phi Beta Kappa poems are, and yet they have come +down among the most precious bequests of antiquity to modern times. + +The mystery of the young Doctor's long visits to the neighboring town +was satisfactorily explained by what we saw and heard of his +relations with our charming "Delilah,"--for Delilah we could hardly +help calling her. Our little handmaid, the Cinderella of the +teacups, now the princess, or, what was better, the pride of the +school to which she had belonged, fit for any position to which she +might be called, was to be the wife of our young Doctor. It would +not have been the right thing to proclaim the fact while she was a +pupil, but now that she had finished her course of instruction there +was no need of making a secret of the engagement. + +So we have got our romance, our love-story out of our Teacups, as I +hoped and expected that we should, but not exactly in the quarter +where it might have been looked for. + +What did our two Annexes say to this unexpected turn of events? They +were good-hearted girls as ever lived, but they were human, like the +rest of us, and women, like some of the rest of us. They behaved +perfectly. They congratulated the Doctor, and hoped he would bring +the young lady to the tea-table where she had played her part so +becomingly. It is safe to say that each of the Annexes world have +liked to be asked the lover's last question by the very nice young +man who had been a pleasant companion at the table and elsewhere to +each of them. That same question is the highest compliment a man can +pay a woman, and a woman does not mind having a dozen or more such +compliments to string on the rosary of her remembrances. Whether +either of them was glad, on the whole, that he had not offered +himself to the other in preference to herself would be a mean, shabby +question, and I think altogether too well of you who are reading this +paper to suppose that you would entertain the idea of asking it. + +It was a very pleasant occasion when the Doctor brought Avis over to +sit with us at the table where she used to stand and wait upon us. +We wondered how we could for a moment have questioned that she was +one to be waited upon, and not made for the humble office which +nevertheless she performed so cheerfully and so well. + + + Commencements and other Celebrations, American and English. + +The social habits of our people have undergone an immense change +within the past half century, largely in consequence of the vast +development of the means of intercourse between different +neighborhoods. + +Commencements, college gatherings of all kinds, church assemblages, +school anniversaries, town centennials,--all possible occasions for +getting crowds together are made the most of. "'T is sixty years +since,"--and a good many years over,--the time to which my memory +extends. The great days of the year were, Election,--General +Election on Wednesday, and Artillery Election on the Monday +following, at which time lilacs were in bloom and 'lection buns were +in order; Fourth of July, when strawberries were just going out; and +Commencement, a grand time of feasting, fiddling, dancing, jollity, +not to mention drunkenness and fighting, on the classic green of +Cambridge. This was the season of melons and peaches. That is the +way our boyhood chronicles events. It was odd that the literary +festival should be turned into a Donnybrook fair, but so it was when +I was a boy, and the tents and the shows and the crowds on the Common +were to the promiscuous many the essential parts of the great +occasion. They had been so for generations, and it was only +gradually that the Cambridge Saturnalia were replaced by the +decencies and solemnities of the present sober anniversary. + +Nowadays our celebrations smack of the Sunday-school more than of the +dancing-hall. The aroma of the punch-bowl has given way to the +milder flavor of lemonade and the cooling virtues of ice-cream. +A strawberry festival is about as far as the dissipation of our +social gatherings ventures. There was much that was objectionable in +those swearing, drinking, fighting times, but they had a certain +excitement for us boys of the years when the century was in its +teens, which comes back to us not without its fascinations. The days +of total abstinence are a great improvement over those of unlicensed +license, but there was a picturesque element about the rowdyism of +our old Commencement days, which had a charm for the eye of boyhood. +My dear old friend,--book-friend, I mean,--whom I always called Daddy +Gilpin (as I find Fitzgerald called Wordsworth, Daddy Wordsworth),-- +my old friend Gilpin, I say, considered the donkey more picturesque +in a landscape than the horse. So a village fete as depicted by +Teniers is more picturesque than a teetotal picnic or a Sabbath- +school strawberry festival. Let us be thankful that the vicious +picturesque is only a remembrance, and the virtuous commonplace a +reality of to-day. + +What put all this into my head is something which the English Annex +has been showing me. Most of my readers are somewhat acquainted with +our own church and village celebrations. They know how they are +organized; the women always being the chief motors, and the machinery +very much the same in one case as in another. Perhaps they would +like to hear how such things are managed in England; and that is just +what they may learn from the pamphlet which was shown me by the +English Annex, and of which I will give them a brief account. + +Some of us remember the Rev. Mr. Haweis, his lectures and his violin, +which interested and amused us here in Boston a few years ago. Now +Mr. Haweis, assisted by his intelligent and spirited wife, has charge +of the parish of St. James, Westmoreland Street, Marylebone, London. +On entering upon the twenty-fifth year of his incumbency in +Marylebone, and the twenty-eighth of his ministry in the diocese of +London, it was thought a good idea to have an "Evening Conversazione +and Fete." We can imagine just how such a meeting would be organized +in one of our towns. Ministers, deacons, perhaps a member of +Congress, possibly a Senator, and even, conceivably, his Excellency +the Governor, and a long list of ladies lend their names to give +lustre to the occasion. It is all very pleasant, unpretending, +unceremonious, cheerful, well ordered, commendable, but not imposing. + +Now look at our Marylebone parish celebration, and hold your breath +while the procession of great names passes before you. You learn at +the outset that it is held UNDER ROYAL PATRONAGE, and read the names +of two royal highnesses, one highness, a prince, and a princess. +Then comes a list before which if you do not turn pale, you must +certainly be in the habit of rouging: three earls, seven lords, three +bishops, two generals (one of them Lord Wolseley), one admiral, four +baronets, nine knights, a crowd of right honorable and honorable +ladies (many of them peeresses), and a mob of other personages, among +whom I find Mr. Howells, Bret Harte, and myself. + +Perhaps we are disposed to smile at seeing so much made of titles; +but after what we have learned of Lord Timothy Dexter and the high- +sounding names appropriated by many of our own compatriots, who have +no more claim to them than we plain Misters and Misseses, we may feel +to them something as our late friend Mr. Appleton felt to the real +green turtle soup set before him, when he said that it was almost as +good as mock. + +The entertainment on this occasion was of the most varied character. +The programme makes the following announcement: + + Friday, 4 July, 18-. + + At 8 P. M. the Doors will Open. + Mr. Haweis will receive his Friends. + The Royal Handbell Ringers will Ring. + The Fish-pond will be Fished. + The Stalls will be Visited. + The Phonograph will Utter. + +Refreshments will be called for, and they will come,--Tea, Coffee, +and Cooling Drinks. Spirits will not be called for, from the Vasty +Deep or anywhere else,--nor would they come if they were. + +At 9.30 Mrs. Haweis will join the assembly. + +I am particularly delighted with this last feature in the preliminary +announcement. It is a proof of the high regard in which the +estimable and gifted lady who shares her husband's labors is held by +the people of their congregation, and the friends who share in their +feelings. It is such a master stroke of policy, too, to keep back +the principal attraction until the guests must have grown eager for +her appearance: I can well imagine how great a saving it must have +been to the good lady's nerves, which were probably pretty well tried +already by the fatigues and responsibilities of the busy evening. I +have a right to say this, for I myself had the honor of attending a +meeting at Mr. Haweis's house, where I was a principal guest, as I +suppose, from the fact of the great number of persons who were +presented to me. The minister must be very popular, for the meeting +was a regular jam,--not quite so tremendous as that greater one, +where but for the aid of Mr. Smalley, who kept open a breathing-space +round us, my companion and myself thought we should have been +asphyxiated. + +The company was interested, as some of my readers maybe, to know what +were the attractions offered to the visitors besides that of meeting +the courteous entertainers and their distinguished guests. I cannot +give these at length, for each part of the show is introduced in the +programme with apt quotations and pleasantries, which enlivened the +catalogue. There were eleven stalls, "conducted on the cooperative +principle of division of profits and interest; they retain the +profits, and you take a good deal of interest, we hope, in their +success." + +Stall No. 1. Edisoniana, or the Phonograph. Alluded to by +the Roman Poet as Vox, et praeterea nihil. + +Stall No. 2. Money-changing. + +Stall No. 3. Programmes and General Enquiries. + +Stall No. 4. Roses. + +A rose by any other name, etc. Get one. You can't expect to smell +one without buying it, but you may buy one without smelling it. + +Stall No. 5. Lasenby Liberty Stall. +(I cannot explain this. Probably articles from Liberty's famous +establishment.) + +Stall No. 6. Historical Costumes and Ceramics. + +Stall No. 7. The Fish-pond. + +Stall No. 8.Varieties. + +Stall No. 9.Bookstall. +(Books) "highly recommended for insomnia; friends we never speak to, +and always cut if we want to know them well." + +Stall No. 10. Icelandic. + +Stall No. 11. Call Office. +"Mrs. Magnusson, who is devoted to the North Pole and all its works, +will thaw your sympathies, enlighten your minds," etc., etc. + +All you buy may be left at the stalls, ticketed. A duplicate ticket +will be handed to you on leaving. Present your duplicate at the Call +Office. + +At 9.45, First Concert. + +At 10.45, An Address of Welcome by Rev. H. R. Haweis. + +At 11 P. M., Bird-warbling Interlude by Miss Mabel Stephenson, +U. S. A. + +At 11.20, Second Concert. + + NOTICE ! + +Three Great Pictures. + +LORD TENNYSON. G. F. Watts, R. A. +JOHN STUART MILL G. F. Watts, R. A. +J0SEPH GARIBALDI Sig. Rondi. + + NOTICE ! + +A Famous Violin. + +A world-famed Stradivarius Violin, for which Mr. Hill, of Bond +Street, gave L 1000, etc., etc. + + REFRESHMENTS. + +Tickets for Tea, Coffee, Sandwiches, Iced Drinks, or Ices, Sixpence +each, etc., etc. + +I hope my American reader is pleased and interested by this glimpse +of the way in which they do these things in London. + +There is something very pleasant about all this, but what specially +strikes me is a curious flavor of city provincialism. There are +little centres in the heart of great cities, just as there are small +fresh-water ponds in great islands with the salt sea roaring all +round them, and bays and creeks penetrating them as briny as the +ocean itself. Irving has given a charming picture of such a quasi- +provincial centre in one of his papers in the Sketch-Book,--the one +with the title "Little Britain." London is a nation of itself, and +contains provinces, districts, foreign communities, villages, +parishes,--innumerable lesser centres, with their own distinguishing +characteristics, habits, pursuit, languages, social laws, as much +isolated from each other as if "mountains interposed " made the +separation between them. One of these lesser centres is that over +which my friend Mr. Haweis presides as spiritual director. Chelsea +has been made famous as the home of many authors and artists,--above +all, as the residence of Carlyle during the greater part of his life. +Its population, like that of most respectable suburbs, must belong +mainly to the kind of citizens which resembles in many ways the +better class,--as we sometimes dare to call it,--of one of our +thriving New England towns. How many John Gilpins there must be in +this population,--citizens of "famous London town," but living with +the simplicity of the inhabitants of our inland villages! In the +mighty metropolis where the wealth of the world displays itself they +practise their snug economies, enjoy their simple pleasures, and look +upon ice-cream as a luxury, just as if they were living on the banks +of the Connecticut or the Housatonic, in regions where the summer +locusts of the great cities have not yet settled on the verdure of +the native inhabitants. It is delightful to realize the fact that +while the West End of London is flaunting its splendors and the East +End in struggling with its miseries, these great middle-class +communities are living as comfortable, unpretending lives as if they +were in one of our thriving townships in the huckleberry-districts. +Human beings are wonderfully alike when they are placed in similar +conditions. + +We were sitting together in a very quiet way over our teacups. The +young Doctor, who was in the best of spirits, had been laughing and +chatting with the two Annexes. The Tutor, who always sits next to +Number Five of late, had been conversing with her in rather low +tones. The rest of us had been soberly sipping our tea, and when the +Doctor and the Annexes stopped talking there was one of those dead +silences which are sometimes so hard to break in upon, and so awkward +while they last. All at once Number Seven exploded in a loud laugh, +which startled everybody at the table. + +What is it that sets you laughing so? said I. + +"I was thinking," Number Seven replied, "of what you said the other +day of poetry being only the ashes of emotion. I believe that some +people are disposed to dispute the proposition. I have been putting +your doctrine to the test. In doing it I made some rhymes,--the +first and only ones I ever made. I will suppose a case of very +exciting emotion, and see whether it would probably take the form of +poetry or prose. You are suddenly informed that your house is on +fire, and have to scramble out of it, without stopping to tie your +neck-cloth neatly or to put a flower in your buttonhole. Do you +think a poet turning out in his night-dress, and looking on while the +flames were swallowing his home and all its contents, would express +himself in this style? + + + My house is on fire! + Bring me my lyre! + Like the flames that rise heavenward my song shall aspire! + +He would n't do any such thing, and you know he wouldn't. He would +yell Fire! Fire! with all his might. Not much rhyming for him just +yet! Wait until the fire is put out, and he has had time to look at +the charred timbers and the ashes of his home, and in the course of a +week he may possibly spin a few rhymes about it. Or suppose he was +making an offer of his hand and heart, do you think he would declaim +a versified proposal to his Amanda, or perhaps write an impromptu on +the back of his hat while he knelt before her? + + My beloved, to you + I will always be true. + Oh, pray make me happy, my love, do! do! do! + +What would Amanda think of a suitor who courted her with a rhyming +dictionary in his pocket to help him make love?" + +You are right, said I,--there's nothing in the world like rhymes to +cool off a man's passion. You look at a blacksmith working on a bit +of iron or steel. Bright enough it looked while it was on the +hearth, in the midst of the sea-coal, the great bellows blowing away, +and the rod or the horse-shoe as red or as white as the burning +coals. How it fizzes as it goes into the trough of water, and how +suddenly all the glow is gone! It looks black and cold enough now. +Just so with your passionate incandescence. It is all well while it +burns and scintillates in your emotional centres, without articulate +and connected expression; but the minute you plunge it into the +rhyme-trough it cools down, and becomes as dead and dull as the cold +horse-shoe. It is true that if you lay it cold on the anvil and +hammer away on it for a while it warms up somewhat. Just so with the +rhyming fellow,--he pounds away on his verses and they warm up a +little. But don't let him think that this afterglow of composition +is the same thing as the original passion. That found expression in +a few oh, oh's, eheu's, helas, helas's, and when the passion had +burned itself out you got the rhymed verses, which, as I have said, +are its ashes. + +I thanked Number Seven for his poetical illustration of my thesis. +There is great good to be got out of a squinting brain, if one only +knows how to profit by it. We see only one side of the moon, you +know, but a fellow with a squinting brain seems now and then to get a +peep at the other side. I speak metaphorically. He takes new and +startling views of things we have always looked at in one particular +aspect. There is a rule invariably to be observed with one of this +class of intelligences: Never contradict a man with a squinting +brain. I say a man, because I do not think that squinting brains are +nearly so common in women as they are in men. The "eccentrics" are, +I think, for the most part of the male sex. + +That leads me to say that persons with a strong instinctive tendency +to contradiction are apt to become unprofitable companions. Our +thoughts are plants that never flourish in inhospitable soils or +chilling atmospheres. They are all started under glass, so to speak; +that is, sheltered and fostered in our own warm and sunny +consciousness. They must expect some rough treatment when we lift +the sash from the frame and let the outside elements in upon them. +They can bear the rain and the breezes, and be all the better for +them; but perpetual contradiction is a pelting hailstorm, which +spoils their growth and tends to kill them out altogether. + +Now stop and consider a moment. Are not almost all brains a little +wanting in bilateral symmetry? Do you not find in persons whom you +love, whom you esteem, and even admire, some marks of obliquity in +mental vision? Are there not some subjects in looking at which it +seems to you impossible that they should ever see straight? Are +there not moods in which it seems to you that they are disposed to +see all things out of plumb and in false relations with each other? +If you answer these questions in the affirmative, then you will be +glad of a hint as to the method of dealing with your friends who have +a touch of cerebral strabismus, or are liable to occasional paroxysms +of perversity. Let them have their head. Get them talking on +subjects that interest them. As a rule, nothing is more likely to +serve this purpose than letting them talk about themselves; if +authors, about their writings; if artists, about their pictures or +statues; and generally on whatever they have most pride in and think +most of their own relations with. + +Perhaps you will not at first sight agree with me in thinking that +slight mental obliquity is as common as I suppose. An analogy may +have some influence on your belief in this matter. Will you take the +trouble to ask your tailor how many persons have their two shoulders +of the same height? I think be will tell you that the majority of +his customers show a distinct difference of height on the two sides. +Will you ask a portrait-painter how many of those who sit to hint +have both sides of their faces exactly alike? I believe he will tell +you that one side is always a little better than the other. What +will your hatter say about the two sides of the head? Do you see +equally well with both eyes, and hear equally well with both ears? +Few persons past middle age will pretend that they do. Why should +the two halves of a brain not show a natural difference, leading to +confusion of thought, and very possibly to that instinct of +contradiction of which I was speaking? A great deal of time is lost +in profitless conversation, and a good deal of ill temper frequently +caused, by not considering these organic and practically insuperable +conditions. In dealing with them, acquiescence is the best of +palliations and silence the sovereign specific. + +I have been the reporter, as you have seen, of my own conversation +and that of the other Teacups. I have told some of the circumstances +of their personal history, and interested, as I hope, here and there +a reader in the fate of different members of our company. Here are +our pretty Delilah and our Doctor provided for. We may take it for +granted that it will not be very long that the young couple will have +to wait; for, as I have told you all, the Doctor is certainly getting +into business, and bids fair to have a thriving practice before he +saddles his nose with an eyeglass and begins to think of a pair of +spectacles. So that part of our little domestic drama is over, and +we can only wish the pair that is to be all manner of blessings +consistent with a reasonable amount of health in the community on +whose ailings must depend their prosperity. + +All our thoughts are now concentrated on the relation existing betwen +Number Five and the Tutor. That there is some profound instinctive +impulse which is drawing them closer together no one who watches them +can for a moment doubt. There are two principles of attraction which +bring different natures together: that in which the two natures +closely resemble each other, and that in which one is complementary +of the other. In the first case, they coalesce, as do two drops of +water or of mercury, and become intimately blended as soon as they +touch; in the other, they rush together as an acid and an alkali +unite, predestined from eternity to find all they most needed in each +other. What is the condition of things in the growing intimacy of +Number Five and the Tutor? He is many years her junior, as we know. +Both of them look that fact squarely in the face. The presumption is +against the union of two persons under these circumstances. +Presumptions are strong obstacles against any result we wish to +attain, but half our work in life is to overcome them. A great many +results look in the distance like six-foot walls, and when we get +nearer prove to be only five-foot hurdles, to be leaped over or +knocked down. Twenty years from now she may be a vigorous and active +old woman, and he a middle-aged, half-worn-out invalid, like so many +overworked scholars. Everything depends on the number of drops of +the elixir vitae which Nature mingled in the nourishment she +administered to the embryo before it tasted its mother's milk. Think +of Cleopatra, the bewitching old mischief-maker; think of Ninon de +L'Enclos, whose own son fell desperately in love with her, not +knowing the relation in which she stood to him; think of Dr. +Johnson's friend, Mrs. Thrale, afterward Mrs. Piozzi, who at the age +of eighty was full enough of life to be making love ardently and +persistently to Conway, the handsome young actor. I can readily +believe that Number Five will outlive the Tutor, even if he is +fortunate enough rather in winning his way into the fortress through +gates that open to him of their own accord. If he fails in his +siege, I do really believe he will die early; not of a broken heart, +exactly, but of a heart starved, with the food it was craving close +to it, but unattainable. I have, therefore, a deep interest in +knowing how Number Five and the Tutor are getting along together. Is +there any danger of one or the other growing tired of the intimacy, +and becoming willing to get rid of it, like a garment which has +shrunk and grown too tight? Is it likely that some other attraction +may come into disturb the existing relation? The problem is to my +mind not only interesting, but exceptionally curious. You remember +the story of Cymon and Iphigenia as Dryden tells it. The poor youth +has the capacity of loving, but it lies hidden in his undeveloped +nature. All at once he comes upon the sleeping beauty, and is +awakened by her charms to a hitherto unfelt consciousness. With the +advent of the new passion all his dormant faculties start into life, +and the seeming simpleton becomes the bright and intelligent lover. +The case of Number Five is as different from that of Cymon as it +could well be. All her faculties are wide awake, but one emotional +side of her nature has never been called into active exercise. Why +has she never been in love with any one of her suitors? Because she +liked too many of them. Do you happen to remember a poem printed +among these papers, entitled "I Like You and I Love You" + +No one of the poems which have been placed in the urn, --that is, in +the silver sugar-bowl,--has had any name attached to it; but you +could guess pretty nearly who was the author of some of them, +certainly of the one just, referred to. Number Five was attracted to +the Tutor from the first time he spoke to her. She dreamed about him +that night, and nothing idealizes and renders fascinating one in whom +we have already an interest like dreaming of him or of her. Many a +calm suitor has been made passionate by a dream; many a passionate +lover has been made wild and half beside himself by a dream; and now +and then an infatuated but hapless lover, waking from a dream of +bliss to a cold reality of wretchedness, has helped himself to +eternity before he was summoned to the table. + +Since Number Five had dreamed about the Tutor, he had been more in +her waking thoughts than she was willing to acknowledge. These +thoughts were vague, it is true,--emotions, perhaps, rather than +worded trains of ideas; but she was conscious of a pleasing +excitement as his name or his image floated across her consciousness; +she sometimes sighed as she looked over the last passage they had +read from the same book, and sometimes when they were together they +were silent too long,--too long! What were they thinking of? + +And so it was all as plain sailing for Number Five and the young +Tutor as it had been for Delilah and the young Doctor, was it? Do +you think so? Then you do not understand Number Five. Many a woman +has as many atmospheric rings about her as the planet Saturn. Three +are easily to be recognized. First, there is the wide ring of +attraction which draws into itself all that once cross its outer +border. These revolve about her without ever coming any nearer. +Next is the inner ring of attraction. Those who come within its +irresistible influence are drawn so close that it seems as if they +must become one with her sooner or later. But within this ring is +another,--an atmospheric girdle, one of repulsion, which love, no +matter how enterprising, no matter how prevailing or how insinuating, +has never passed, and, if we judge of what is to be by what has been, +never will. Perhaps Nature loved Number Five so well that she +grudged her to any mortal man, and gave her this inner girdle of +repulsion to guard her from all who would know her too nearly and +love her too well. Sometimes two vessels at sea keep each other +company for a long distance, it may be daring a whole voyage. Very +pleasant it is to each to have a companion to exchange signals with +from time to time; to came near enough, when the winds are light, to +hold converse in ordinary tones from deck to deck; to know that, in +case of need, there's help at hand. It is good for them to be near +each other, but not good to be too near. Woe is to them if they +touch! The wreck of one or both is likely to be the consequence. +And so two well-equipped and heavily freighted natures may be the +best of companions to each other, and yet must never attempt to come +into closer union. Is this the condition of affairs between Number +Five and the Tutor? I hope not, for I want them to be joined +together in that dearest of intimacies, which, if founded in true +affinity, is the nearest approach to happiness to be looked for in +our mortal, experience. We mast wait. The Teacups will meet once +more before the circle is broken, and we may, perhaps, find the +solution of the question we have raised. + +In the mean time, our young Doctor is playing truant oftener than +ever. He has brought Avis,--if we must call her so, and not +Delilah,--several times to take tea with us. It means something, in +these days, to graduate from one of our first-class academies or +collegiate schools. I shall never forget my first visit to one of +these institutions. How much its pupils know, I said, which I was +never taught, and have never learned! I was fairly frightened to see +what a teaching apparatus was provided for them. I should think the +first thing to be done with most of the husbands, they are likely to +get would be to put them through a course of instruction. The young +wives must find their lords wofully ignorant, in a large proportion +of cases. When the wife has educated the husband to such a point +that she can invite him to work out a problem in the higher +mathematics or to perform a difficult chemical analysis with her as +his collaborator, as less instructed dames ask their husbands to play +a game of checkers or backgammon, they can have delightful and +instructive evenings together. I hope our young Doctor will take +kindly to his wife's (that is to be) teachings. + +When the following verses were taken out of the urn, the Mistress +asked me to hand the manuscript to the young Doctor to read. I +noticed that he did not keep his eyes very closely fixed on the +paper. It seemed as if he could have recited the lines without +referring to the manuscript at all. + + + AT THE TURN OF THE ROAD. + +The glory has passed from the goldenrod's plume, +The purple-hued asters still linger in bloom; +The birch is bright yellow, the sumachs are red, +The maples like torches aflame overhead. + +But what if the joy of the summer is past, +And winter's wild herald is blowing his blast? +For me dull November is sweeter than May, +For my love is its sunshine,--she meets me to-day! + +Will she come? Will the ring-dove return to her nest? +Will the needle swing back from the east or the west? +At the stroke of the hour she will be at her gate; +A friend may prove laggard,--love never comes late. + +Do I see her afar in the distance? Not yet. +Too early! Too early! She could not forget! +When I cross the old bridge where the brook overflowed, +She will flash full in sight at the turn of the road. + +I pass the low wall where the ivy entwines; +I tread the brown pathway that leads through the pines; +I haste by the boulder that lies in the field, +Where her promise at parting was lovingly sealed. + +Will she come by the hillside or round through the wood? +Will she wear her brown dress or her mantle and hood? +The minute draws near,--but her watch may go wrong; +My heart will be asking, What keeps her so long? + +Why doubt for a moment? More shame if I do! +Why question? Why tremble? Are angels more true? +She would come to the lover who calls her his own +Though she trod in the track of a whirling cyclone! + +--I crossed the old bridge ere the minute had passed. +I looked: lo! my Love stood before me at last. +Her eyes, how they sparkled, her cheeks, how they glowed, +As we met, face to face, at the turn of the road! + + + + +XII + +There was a great tinkling of teaspoons the other evening, when I +took my seat at the table, where ail The Teacups were gathered before +my entrance. The whole company arose, and the Mistress, speaking for +them, expressed the usual sentiment appropriate to such occasions. +"Many happy returns" is the customary formula. No matter if the +object of this kind wish is a centenarian, it is quite safe to assume +that he is ready and very willing to accept as many more years as the +disposing powers may see fit to allow him. + +The meaning of it all was that this was my birthday. My friends, +near and distant, had seen fit to remember it, and to let me know in +various pleasant ways that they had not forgotten it. The tables +were adorned with flowers. Gifts of pretty and pleasing objects were +displayed on a side table. A great green wreath, which must have +cost the parent oak a large fraction of its foliage, was an object of +special admiration. Baskets of flowers which had half unpeopled +greenhouses, large bouquets of roses, fragrant bunches of pinks, and +many beautiful blossoms I am not botanist enough to name had been +coming in upon me all day long. Many of these offerings were brought +by the givers in person; many came with notes as fragrant with good +wishes as the flowers they accompanied with their natural perfumes. + +How old was I, The Dictator, once known by another equally audacious +title,--I, the recipient of all these favors and honors? I had +cleared the eight-barred gate, which few come in sight of, and fewer, +far fewer, go over, a year before. I was a trespasser on the domain +belonging to another generation. The children of my coevals were +fast getting gray and bald, and their children beginning to look upon +the world as belonging to them, and not to their sires and +grandsires. After that leap over the tall barrier, it looks like a +kind of impropriety to keep on as if one were still of a reasonable +age. Sometimes it seems to me almost of the nature of a misdemeanor +to be wandering about in the preserve which the fleshless gamekeeper +guards so jealously. But, on the other hand, I remember that men of +science have maintained that the natural life of man is nearer +fivescore than threescore years and ten. I always think of a +familiar experience which I bring from the French cafes, well known +to me in my early manhood. One of the illustrated papers of my +Parisian days tells it pleasantly enough. + +A guest of the establishment is sitting at his little table. He has +just had his coffee, and the waiter is serving him with his petit +verre. Most of my readers know very well what a petit verre is, but +there may be here and there a virtuous abstainer from alcoholic +fluids, living among the bayberries and the sweet ferns, who is not +aware that the words, as commonly used, signify a small glass--a very +small glass--of spirit, commonly brandy, taken as a chasse-caf‚, or +coffee-chaser. This drinking of brandy, "neat," I may remark by the +way, is not quite so bad as it looks. Whiskey or rum taken unmixed +from a tumbler is a knock-down blow to temperance, but the little +thimbleful of brandy, or Chartreuse, or Maraschino, is only, as it +were, tweaking the nose of teetotalism. + +Well,--to go back behind our brackets,--the guest is calling to the +waiter, "Garcon! et le bain de pieds! "Waiter! and the foot-bath! +--The little glass stands in a small tin saucer or shallow dish, and +the custom is to more than fill the glass, so that some extra brandy +rung over into this tin saucer or cup-plate, to the manifest gain of +the consumer. + +Life is a petit verre of a very peculiar kind of spirit. At seventy +years it used to be said that the little glass was full. We should +be more apt to put it at eighty in our day, while Gladstone and +Tennyson and our own Whittier are breathing, moving, thinking, +writing, speaking, in the green preserve belonging to their children +and grandchildren, and Bancroft is keeping watch of the gamekeeper in +the distance. But, returning resolutely to the petit verre, I am +willing to concede that all after fourscore is the bain de pieds, +--the slopping over, so to speak, of the full measure of life. I +remember that one who was very near and dear to me, and who lived to +a great age, so that the ten-barred gate of the century did not look +very far off, would sometimes apologize in a very sweet, natural way +for lingering so long to be a care and perhaps a burden to her +children, themselves getting well into years. It is not hard to +understand the feeling, never less called for than it was in the case +of that beloved nonagenarian. I have known few persons, young or +old, more sincerely and justly regretted than the gentle lady whose +memory comes up before me as I write. + +Oh, if we could all go out of flower as gracefully, as pleasingly, as +we come into blossom! I always think of the morning-glory as the +loveliest example of a graceful yielding to the inevitable. It is +beautiful before its twisted corolla opens; it is comely as it folds +its petals inward, when its brief hours of perfection are over. +Women find it easier than men to grow old in a becoming way. A very +old lady who has kept something, it may be a great deal, of her +youthful feelings, who is daintily cared for, who is grateful for the +attentions bestowed upon her, and enters into the spirit of the young +lives that surround her, is as precious to those who love her as a +gem in an antique setting, the fashion of which has long gone by, but +which leaves the jewel the color and brightness which are its +inalienable qualities. With old men it is too often different. They +do not belong so much indoors as women do. They have no pretty +little manual occupations. The old lady knits or stitches so long as +her eyes and fingers will let her. The old man smokes his pipe, but +does not know what to do with his fingers, unless he plays upon some +instrument, or has a mechanical turn which finds business for them. + +But the old writer, I said to The Teacups, as I say to you, my +readers, labors under one special difficulty, which I am thinking of +and exemplifying at this moment. He is constantly tending to reflect +upon and discourse about his own particular stage of life. He feels +that he must apologize for his intrusion upon the time and thoughts +of a generation which he naturally supposes must be tired of him, if +they ever had any considerable regard for him. Now, if the world of +readers hates anything it sees in print, it is apology. If what one +has to say is worth saying, he need not beg pardon fur saying it. If +it is not worth saying I will not finish the sentence. But it is so +hard to resist the temptation, notwithstanding that the terrible line +beginning "Superfluous lags the veteran" is always repeating itself +in his dull ear! + +What kind of audience or reading parish is a man who secured his +constituency in middle life, or before that period, to expect when he +has reached the age of threescore and twenty? His coevals have +dropped away by scores and tens, and he sees only a few units +scattered about here and there, like the few beads above the water +after a ship has gone to pieces. Does he write and publish for those +of his own time of life? He need not print a large edition. Does he +hope to secure a hearing from those who have come into the reading +world since his coevals? They have found fresher fields and greener +pastures. Their interests are in the out-door, active world. Some +of them are circumnavigating the planet while he is hitching his +rocking chair about his hearth-rug. Some are gazing upon the +pyramids while he is staring at his andirons. Some are settling the +tariff and fixing the laws of suffrage and taxation while he is +dozing over the weather bulletin, and going to sleep over the +obituaries in his morning or evening paper. + +Nature is wiser than we give her credit for being; never wiser than +in her dealings with the old. She has no idea of mortifying them by +sudden and wholly unexpected failure of the chief servants of +consciousness. The sight, for instance, begins to lose something of +its perfection long before its deficiency calls the owner's special +attention to it. Very probably, the first hint we have of the change +is that a friend makes the pleasing remark that we are "playing the +trombone," as he calls it; that is, moving a book we are holding +backward and forward, to get the right focal distance. Or it may be +we find fault with the lamp or the gas-burner for not giving so much +light as it used to. At last, somewhere between forty and fifty, we +begin to dangle a jaunty pair of eye-glasses, half plaything and half +necessity. In due time a pair of sober, business-like spectacles +bestrides the nose. Old age leaps upon it as his saddle, and rides +triumphant, unchallenged, until the darkness comes which no glasses +can penetrate. Nature is pitiless in carrying out the universal +sentence, but very pitiful in her mode of dealing with the condemned +on his way to the final scene. The man who is to be hanged always +has a good breakfast provided for him. + +Do not think that the old look upon themselves as the helpless, +hopeless, forlorn creatures which they seem to young people. Do +these young folks suppose that all vanity dies out of the natures of +old men and old women? A dentist of olden time told me that a good- +looking young man once said to him, "Keep that incisor presentable, +if you can, till I am fifty, and then I sha'n't care how I look." I +venture to say that that gentleman was as particular about his +personal appearance and as proud of his good looks at fifty, and many +years after fifty, as he was in the twenties, when he made that +speech to the dentist. + +My dear friends around the teacups, and at that wider board where I +am now entertaining, or trying to entertain, my company, is it not as +plain to you as it is to me that I had better leave such tasks as +that which I am just finishing to those who live in a more +interesting period of life than one which, in the order of nature, is +next door to decrepitude? Ought I not to regret having undertaken to +report the doings and sayings of the members of the circle which you +have known as The Teacups? + +Dear, faithful reader, whose patient eyes have followed my reports +through these long months, you and I are about parting company. +Perhaps you are one of those who have known me under another name, in +those far-off days separated from these by the red sea of the great +national conflict. When you first heard the tinkle of the teaspoons, +as the table was being made ready for its guests, you trembled for +me, in the kindness of your hearts. I do not wonder that you did,--I +trembled for myself. But I remembered the story of Sir Cloudesley +Shovel, who was seen all of a tremor just as he was going into +action. "How is this?" said a brother officer to him. "Surely you +are not afraid?" " No," he answered, "but my flesh trembles at the +thought of the dangers into which my intrepid spirit will carry me." +I knew the risk of undertaking to carry through a series of connected +papers. And yet I thought it was better to run that risk, more +manly, more sensible, than to give way to the fears which made my +flesh tremble as did Sir Cloudesley Shovel's. For myself the labor +has been a distraction, and one which came at a time when it was +needed. Sometimes, as in one of those poems recently published,--the +reader will easily guess which,--the youthful spirit has come over me +with such a rush that it made me feel just as I did when I wrote the +history of the "One-hoss Shay" thirty years ago. To repeat one of my +comparisons, it was as if an early fruit had ripened on a graft upon +an old, steady-going tree, to the astonishment of all its later- +maturing products. I should hardly dare to say so much as this if I +had not heard a similar opinion expressed by others. + +Once committed to my undertaking, there was no turning back. It is +true that I had said I might stop at any moment, but after one or two +numbers it seemed as if there were an informal pledge to carry the +series on, as in former cases, until I had completed my dozen +instalments. + +Writers and speakers have their idiosyncrasies, their habits, their +tricks, if you had rather call them so, as to their ways of writing +and speaking. There is a very old and familiar story, accompanied by +a feeble jest, which most of my readers may probably enough have met +with in Joe Miller or elsewhere. It is that of a lawyer who could +never make an argument without having a piece of thread to work upon +with his fingers while he was pleading. Some one stole it from him +one day, and he could not get on at all with his speech,--he had lost +the thread of his discourse, as the story had it. Now this is what I +myself once saw. It was at a meeting where certain grave matters +were debated in an assembly of professional men. A speaker, whom I +never heard before or since, got up and made a long and forcible +argument. I do not think he was a lawyer, but he spoke as if he had +been trained to talk to juries. He held a long string in one hand, +which he drew through the other band incessantly, as he spoke, just +as a shoe maker performs the motion of waxing his thread. He +appeared to be dependent on this motion. The physiological +significance of the fact I suppose to be that the flow of what we +call the nervous current from the thinking centre to the organs of +speech was rendered freer and easier by the establishment of a +simultaneous collateral nervous current to the set of muscles +concerned in the action I have described. + +I do not use a string to help me write or speak, but I must have its +equivalent. I must have my paper and pen or pencil before me to set +my thoughts flowing in such form that they can be written +continuously. There have been lawyers who could think out their +whole argument in connected order without a single note. There are +authors,--and I think there are many,--who can compose and finish off +a poem or a story without writing a word of it until, when the proper +time comes, they copy what they carry in their heads. I have been +told that Sir Edwin Arnold thought out his beautiful "Light of Asia" +in this way. + +I find the great charm of writing consists in its surprises. When +one is in the receptive attitude of mind, the thoughts which are +sprung upon him, the images which flash through his--consciousness, +are a delight and an excitement. I am impatient of every hindrance +in setting down my thoughts,--of a pen that will not write, of ink +that will not flow, of paper that will not receive the ink. And here +let me pay the tribute which I owe to one of the humblest but most +serviceable of my assistants, especially in poetical composition. +Nothing seems more prosaic than the stylographic pen. It deprives +the handwriting of its beauty, and to some extent of its individual +character. The brutal communism of the letters it forms covers the +page it fills with the most uniformly uninteresting characters. But, +abuse it as much as you choose, there is nothing like it for the +poet, for the imaginative writer. Many a fine flow of thought has +been checked, perhaps arrested, by the ill behavior of a goose-quill. +Many an idea has escaped while the author was dipping his pen in the +inkstand. But with the stylographic pen, in the hands of one who +knows how to care for it and how to use it, unbroken rhythms and +harmonious cadences are the natural products of the unimpeded flow of +the fluid which is the vehicle of the author's thoughts and fancies. +So much for my debt of gratitude to the humble stylographic pen. It +does not furnish the proper medium for the correspondence of +intimates, who wish to see as much of their friends' personality as +their handwriting can hold,--still less for the impassioned +interchange of sentiments between lovers; but in writing for the +press its use is open to no objection. Its movement over the paper +is like the flight of a swallow, while the quill pen and the steel +pen and the gold pen are all taking short, laborious journeys, and +stopping to drink every few minutes. + +A chief pleasure which the author of novels and stories experiences +is that of becoming acquainted with the characters be draws. It is +perfectly true that his characters must, in the nature of things, +have more or less of himself in their composition. If I should seek +an exemplification of this in the person of any of my Teacups, I +should find it most readily in the one whom I have called Number +Seven, the one with the squinting brain. I think that not only I, +the writer, but many of my readers, recognize in our own mental +constitution an occasional obliquity of perception, not always +detected at the time, but plain enough when looked back upon. What +extravagant fancies you and I have seriously entertained at one time +or another! What superstitious notions have got into our heads and +taken possession of its empty chambers,--or, in the language of +science, seized on the groups of nerve-cells in some of the idle +cerebral convolutions! + + +The writer, I say, becomes acquainted with his characters as be goes +on. They are at first mere embryos, outlines of distinct +personalities. By and by, if they have any organic cohesion, they +begin to assert themselves. They can say and do such and such +things; such and such other things they cannot and must not say or +do. The story-writer's and play-writer's danger is that they will +get their characters mixed, and make A say what B ought to have said. +The stronger his imaginative faculty, the less liable will the writer +be to this fault; but not even Shakespeare's power of throwing +himself into his characters prevents many of his different personages +from talking philosophy in the same strain and in a style common to +them all. + +You will often observe that authors fall in love with the imaginary +persons they describe, and that they bestow affectionate epithets +upon them which it may happen the reader does not consider in any way +called for. This is a pleasure to which they have a right. Every +author of a story is surrounded by a little family of ideal children, +as dear to him, it may be, as are flesh-and-blood children to their +parents. You may forget all about the circle of Teacups to which I +have introduced you,--on the supposition that you have followed me +with some degree of interest; but do you suppose that Number Five +does not continue as a presence with me, and that my pretty Delilah +has left me forever because she is going to be married? + +No, my dear friend, our circle will break apart, and its different +members will soon be to you as if they had never been. But do you +think that I can forget them? Do you suppose that I shall cease to +follow the love (or the loves; which do you think is the true word, +the singular or the plural?) of Number Five and the young Tutor who +is so constantly found in her company? Do you suppose that I do not +continue my relations with the "Cracked Teacup,"--the poor old fellow +with whom I have so much in common, whose counterpart, perhaps, you +may find in your own complex personality? + +I take from the top shelf of the hospital department of my library- +the section devoted to literary cripples, imbeciles, failures, +foolish rhymesters, and silly eccentrics--one of the least +conspicuous and most hopelessly feeble of the weak-minded population +of that intellectual almshouse. I open it and look through its +pages. It is a story. I have looked into it once before,--on its +first reception as a gift from the author. I try to recall some of +the names I see there: they mean nothing to me, but I venture to say +the author cherishes them all, and cries over them as he did when he +was writing their history. I put the book back among its dusty +companions, and, sitting down in my reflective rocking-chair, think +how others must forget, and how I shall remember, the company that +gathered about this table. + +Shall I ever meet any one of them again, in these pages or in any +other? Will the cracked Teacup hold together, or will he go to +pieces, and find himself in that retreat where the owner of the +terrible clock which drove him crazy is walking under the shelter of +the high walls? Has the young Doctor's crown yet received the seal +which is Nature's warrant of wisdom and proof of professional +competency? And Number Five and her young friend the Tutor,--have +they kept on in their dangerous intimacy? Did they get through the +tutto tremante passage, reading from the same old large edition of +Dante which the Tutor recommended as the best, and in reading from +which their heads were necessarily brought perilously near to each +other? + +It would be very pleasant if I could, consistently with the present +state of affairs, bring these two young people together. I say two +young people, for the one who counts most years seems to me to be +really the younger of the pair. That Number Five foresaw from the +first that any tenderer feeling than that of friendship would intrude +itself between them I do not believe. As for the Tutor, he soon +found where he was drifting. It was his first experience in matters +concerning the heart, and absorbed his whole nature as a thing of +course. Did he tell her he loved her? Perhaps he did, fifty times; +perhaps he never had the courage to say so outright. But sometimes +they looked each other straight in the eyes, and strange messages +seemed to pass from one consciousness to the other. Will the Tutor +ask Number Five to be his wife; and if he does, will she yield to the +dictates of nature, and lower the flag of that fortress so long +thought impregnable? Will be go on writing such poems to her as "The +Rose and the Fern " or "I Like You and I Love You," and be content +with the pursuit of that which he never can attain? That is all very +well, on the "Grecian Urn" of Keats,--beautiful, but not love such as +mortals demand. Still, that may be all, for aught that we have yet +seen. + + +"Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave +Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare; +Bold lover, never, never, canst thou kiss, +Though winning near the goal,--yet do not grieve; +She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss, +Forever wilt thou love, and she be fair! + + ......................... + +"More happy love! more happy, happy love! +Forever warm, and still to be enjoyed, +Forever panting and forever young!" + + +And so, good-bye, young people, whom we part with here. Shadows you +have been and are to my readers; very real you have been and are to +me,--as real as the memories of many friends whom I shall see no +more. + +As I am not in the habit of indulging in late suppers, the reader +need not think that I shall spread another board and invite him to +listen to the conversations which take place around it. If, from +time to time, he finds a slight refection awaiting him on the +sideboard, I hope he may welcome it as pleasantly as he has accepted +what I have offered him from the board now just being cleared. + + + + .......................... + + + +It is a good rule for the actor who manages the popular street drama +of Punch not to let the audience or spectators see his legs. It is +very hard for the writer of papers like these, which are now coming +to their conclusion, to keep his personality from showing itself too +conspicuously through the thin disguises of his various characters. +As the show is now over, as the curtain has fallen, I appear before +it in my proper person, to address a few words to the friends who +have assisted, as the French say, by their presence, and as we use +the word, by the kind way in which they have received my attempts at +their entertainment. + +This series of papers is the fourth of its kind which I have offered +to my readers. I may be allowed to look back upon the succession of +serial articles which was commenced more than thirty years ago, in +1857. "The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table" was the first of the +series. It was begun without the least idea what was to be its +course and its outcome. Its characters shaped themselves gradually +as the manuscript grew under my hand. I jotted down on the sheet of +blotting paper before me the thoughts and fancies which came into my +head. A very odd-looking object was this page of memoranda. Many of +the hints were worked up into formal shape, many were rejected. +Sometimes I recorded a story, a jest, or a pun for consideration, and +made use of it or let it alone as my second thought decided. I +remember a curious coincidence, which, if I have ever told in print, +--I am not sure whether I have or not,--I will tell over again. I +mention it, not for the pun, which I rejected as not very edifying +and perhaps not new, though I did not recollect having seen it. + +Mulier, Latin for woman; why apply that name to one of the gentle but +occasionally obstinate sex? The answer was that a woman is +(sometimes) more mulish than a mule. Please observe that I did not +like the poor pun very well, and thought it rather rude and +inelegant. So I left it on the blotter, where it was standing when +one of the next numbers of "Punch" came out and contained that very +same pun, which must have been hit upon by some English contributor +at just about the same time I fell upon it on this side of the +Atlantic. This fact may be added to the chapter of coincidences +which belongs to the first number of this series of papers. + +The "Autocrat" had the attraction of novelty, which of course was +wanting in the succeeding papers of similar character. The +criticisms upon the successive numbers as they came out were various, +but generally encouraging. Some were more than encouraging; very +high-colored in their phrases of commendation. When the papers were +brought together in a volume their success was beyond my +expectations. Up to the present time the "Autocrat" has maintained +its position. An immortality of a whole generation is more than most +writers are entitled to expect. I venture to think, from the letters +I receive from the children and grandchildren of my first set of +readers, that for some little time longer, at least, it will continue +to be read, and even to be a favorite with some of its readers. Non +omnis moriar is a pleasant thought to one who has loved his poor +little planet, and will, I trust, retain kindly recollections of it +through whatever wilderness of worlds he may be called to wander in +his future pilgrimages. I say "poor little planet." Ever since I +had a ten cent look at the transit of Venus, a few years ago, through +the telescope in the Mall, the earth has been wholly different to me +from what it used to be. I knew from books what a speck it is in the +universe, but nothing ever brought the fact home like the sight of +the sister planet sailing across the sun's disk, about large enough +for a buckshot, not large enough for a full-sized bullet. Yes, I +love the little globule where I have spent more than fourscore years, +and I like to think that some of my thoughts and some of my emotions +may live themselves over again when I am sleeping. I cannot thank +all the kind readers of the "Autocrat" who are constantly sending me +their acknowledgments. If they see this printed page, let them be +assured that a writer is always rendered happier by being told that +he has made a fellow-being wiser or better, or even contributed to +his harmless entertainment. This a correspondent may take for +granted, even if his letter of grateful recognition receives no +reply. It becomes more and more difficult for me to keep up with my +correspondents, and I must soon give it up as impossible. + +"The Professor at the Breakfast Table" followed immediately on the +heels of the "Autocrat." The Professor was the alter ego of the +first personage. In the earlier series he had played a secondary +part, and in this second series no great effort was made to create a +character wholly unlike the first. The Professor was more outspoken, +however, on religious subjects, and brought down a good deal of hard +language on himself and the author to whom he owed his existence. I +suppose he may have used some irritating expressions, unconsciously, +but not unconscientiously, I am sure. There is nothing harder to +forgive than the sting of an epigram. Some of the old doctors, I +fear, never pardoned me for saying that if a ship, loaded with an +assorted cargo of the drugs which used to be considered the natural +food of sick people, went to the bottom of the sea, it would be "all +the better for mankind and all the worse for the fishes." If I had +not put that snapper on the end of my whip-lash, I might have got off +without the ill temper which my antithesis provoked. Thirty years +set that all right, and the same thirty years have so changed the +theological atmosphere that such abusive words as "heretic" and +"infidel," applied to persons who differ from the old standards of +faith, are chiefly interesting as a test of breeding, being seldom +used by any people above the social half-caste line. I am speaking +of Protestants; how it may be among Roman Catholics I do not know, +but I suspect that with them also it is a good deal a matter of +breeding. There were not wanting some who liked the Professor better +than the Autocrat. I confess that I prefer my champagne in its first +burst of gaseous enthusiasm; but if my guest likes it better after it +has stood awhile, I am pleased to accommodate him. The first of my +series came from my mind almost with an explosion, like the champagne +cork; it startled me a little to see what I had written, and to hear +what people said about it. After that first explosion the flow was +more sober, and I looked upon the product of my wine-press more +coolly. Continuations almost always sag a little. I will not say +that of my own second effort, but if others said it, I should not be +disposed to wonder at or to dispute them. + +"The Poet at the Breakfast Table" came some years later. This series +of papers was not so much a continuation as a resurrection. It was a +doubly hazardous attempt, made without any extravagant expectations, +and was received as well as I had any right to anticipate. It +differed from the other two series in containing a poem of +considerable length, published in successive portions. This poem +holds a good deal of self-communing, and gave me the opportunity of +expressing some thoughts and feelings not to be found elsewhere in my +writings. I had occasion to read the whole volume, not long since, +in preparation for a new edition, and was rather more pleased with it +than I had expected to be. An old author is constantly rediscoving +himself in the more or less fossilized productions of his earlier +years. It is a long time since I have read the "Autocrat," but I +take it up now and then and read in it for a few minutes, not always +without some degree of edification. + +These three series of papers, "Autocrat," "Professor," "Poet," are +all studies of life from somewhat different points of view. They are +largely made up of sober reflections, and appeared to me to require +some lively human interest to save them from wearisome didactic +dulness. What could be more natural than that love should find its +way among the young people who helped to make up the circle gathered +around the table? Nothing is older than the story of young love. +Nothing is newer than that same old story. A bit of gilding here and +there has a wonderful effect in enlivening a landscape or an +apartment. Napoleon consoled the Parisians in their year of defeat +by gilding the dome of the Invalides. Boston has glorified her State +House and herself at the expense of a few sheets of gold leaf laid on +the dome, which shines like a sun in the eyes of her citizens, and +like a star in those of the approaching traveller. I think the +gilding of a love-story helped all three of these earlier papers. +The same need I felt in the series of papers just closed. The slight +incident of Delilah's appearance and disappearance served my purpose +to some extent. But what should I do with Number Five? The reader +must follow out her career for himself. For myself, I think that she +and the Tutor have both utterly forgotten the difference of their +years in the fascination of intimate intercourse. I do not believe +that a nature so large, so rich in affection, as Number Five's is +going to fall defeated of its best inheritance of life, like a vine +which finds no support for its tendrils to twine around, and so +creeps along the ground from which nature meant that love should lift +it. I feel as if I ought to follow these two personages of my +sermonizing story until they come together or separate, to fade, to +wither,--perhaps to die, at last, of something like what the doctors +call heart-failure, but which might more truly be called heart- +starvation. When I say die, I do not mean necessarily the death that +goes into the obituary column. It may come to that, in one or both; +but I think that, if they are never united, Number Five will outlive +the Tutor, who will fall into melancholy ways, and pine and waste, +while she lives along, feeling all the time that she has cheated +herself of happiness. I hope that is not going to be their fortune, +or misfortune. Vieille fille fait jeune mariee. What a youthful +bride Number Five would be, if she could only make up her mind to +matrimony! In the mean time she must be left with her lambs all +around her. May heaven temper the winds to them, for they have been +shorn very close, every one of them, of their golden fleece of +aspirations and anticipations. + +I must avail myself of this opportunity to say a few words to my +distant friends who take interest enough in my writings, early or +recent, to wish to enter into communication with me by letter, or to +keep up a communication already begun. I have given notice in print +that the letters, books, and manuscripts which I receive by mail are +so numerous that if I undertook to read and answer them all I should +have little time for anything else. I have for some years depended +on the assistance of a secretary, but our joint efforts have proved +unable, of late, to keep down the accumulations which come in with +every mail. So many of the letters I receive are of a pleasant +character that it is hard to let them go unacknowledged. The extreme +friendliness which pervades many of them gives them a value which I +rate very highly. When large numbers of strangers insist on claiming +one as a friend, on the strength of what he has written, it tends to +make him think of himself somewhat indulgently. It is the most +natural thing in the world to want to give expression to the feeling +the loving messages from far-off unknown friends must excite. Many a +day has had its best working hours broken into, spoiled for all +literary work, by the labor of answering correspondents whose good +opinion it is gratifying to have called forth, but who were +unconsciously laying a new burden on shoulders already aching. I +know too well that what I say will not reach the eyes of many who +might possibly take a hint from it. Still I must keep repeating it +before breaking off suddenly and leaving whole piles of letters +unanswered. I have been very heavily handicapped for many years. It +is partly my own fault. From what my correspondents tell me, I must +infer that I have established a dangerous reputation for willingness +to answer all sorts of letters. They come with such insinuating +humility, --they cannot bear to intrude upon my time, they know that +I have a great many calls upon it,--and incontinently proceed to lay +their additional weight on the load which is breaking my back. + +The hypocrisy of kind-hearted people is one of the most painful +exhibitions of human weakness. It has occurred to me that it might +be profitable to reproduce some of my unwritten answers to +correspondents. If those which were actually written and sent were +to be printed in parallel columns with those mentally formed but not +written out responses and comments, the reader would get some idea of +the internal conflicts an honest and not unamiable person has to go +through, when he finds himself driven to the wall by a correspondence +which is draining his vocabulary to find expressions that sound as +agreeably, and signify as little, as the phrases used by a +diplomatist in closing an official communication. + +No. 1. Want my autograph, do you? And don't know how to spell my +name. An a for an e in my middle name. Leave out the l in my last +name. Do you know how people hate to have their names misspelled? +What do you suppose are the sentiments entertained by the Thompsons +with a p towards those who address them in writing as Thomson? + +No. 2. Think the lines you mention are by far the best I ever +wrote, hey? Well, I didn't write those lines. What is more, I think +they are as detestable a string of rhymes as I could wish my worst +enemy had written. A very pleasant frame of mind I am in for writing +a letter, after reading yours! + +No. 3. I am glad to hear that my namesake, whom I never saw and +never expect to see, has cut another tooth; but why write four pages +on the strength of that domestic occurrence? + +No. 4. You wish to correct an error in my Broomstick poem, do you? +You give me to understand that Wilmington is not in Essex County, but +in Middlesex. Very well; but are they separated by running water? +Because if they are not, what could hinder a witch from crossing the +line that separates Wilmington from Andover, I should like to know? +I never meant to imply that the witches made no excursions beyond the +district which was more especially their seat of operations. + + +As I come towards the end of this task which I had set myself, I +wish, of course, that I could have performed it more to my own +satisfaction and that of my readers. This is a feeling which almost +every one must have at the conclusion of any work he has undertaken. +A common and very simple reason for this disappointment is that most +of us overrate our capacity. We expect more of ourselves than we +have any right to, in virtue of our endowments. The figurative +descriptions of the last Grand Assize must no more be taken literally +than the golden crowns, which we do not expect or want to wear on our +heads, or the golden harps, which we do not want or expect to hold in +our hands. Is it not too true that many religious sectaries think of +the last tribunal complacently, as the scene in which they are to +have the satisfaction of saying to the believers of a creed different +from their own, "I told you so"? Are not others oppressed with the +thought of the great returns which will be expected of them as the +product of their great gifts, the very limited amount of which they +do not suspect, and will be very glad to learn, even at the expense +of their self-love, when they are called to their account? If the +ways of the Supreme Being are ever really to be "justified to men," +to use Milton's expression, every human being may expect an +exhaustive explanation of himself. No man is capable of being his +own counsel, and I cannot help hoping that the ablest of the, +archangels will be retained for the defence of the worst of sinners. +He himself is unconscious of the agencies which made him what he is. +Self-determining he may be, if you will, but who determines the self +which is the proximate source of the determination? Why was the A +self like his good uncle in bodily aspect and mental and moral +qualities, and the B self like the bad uncle in look and character? +Has not a man a right to ask this question in the here or in the +hereafter,--in this world or in any world in which he may find +himself? If the All-wise wishes to satisfy his reasonable and +reasoning creatures, it will not be by a display of elemental +convulsions, but by the still small voice, which treats with him as a +dependent entitled to know the meaning of his existence, and if there +was anything wrong in his adjustment to the moral and spiritual +conditions of the world around him to have full allowance made for +it. No melodramatic display of warring elements, such as the white- +robed Second Adventist imagines, can meet the need of the human +heart. The thunders and lightnings of Sinai terrified and impressed +the more timid souls of the idolatrous and rebellious caravan which +the great leader was conducting, but a far nobler manifestation of +divinity was that when "the Lord spake unto Moses face to face, as a +man speaketh unto his friend." + + +I find the burden and restrictions of rhyme more and more troublesome +as I grow older. There are times when it seems natural enough to +employ that form of expression, but it is only occasionally; and the +use of it as the vehicle of the commonplace is so prevalent that one +is not much tempted to select it as the medium for his thoughts and +emotions. The art of rhyming has almost become a part of a high- +school education, and its practice is far from being an evidence of +intellectual distinction. Mediocrity is as much forbidden to the +poet in our days as it was in those of Horace, and the immense +majority of the verses written are stamped with hopeless mediocrity. + +When one of the ancient poets found he was trying to grind out verses +which came unwillingly, he said he was writing + + INVITA MINERVA. + +Vex not the Muse with idle prayers,-- +She will not hear thy call; +She steals upon thee unawares, +Or seeks thee not at all. + +Soft as the moonbeams when they sought +Endymion's fragrant bower, +She parts the whispering leaves of thought +To show her full-blown flower. + +For thee her wooing hour has passed, +The singing birds have flown, +And winter comes with icy blast +To chill thy buds unblown. + +Yet, though the woods no longer thrill +As once their arches rung, +Sweet echoes hover round thee still +Of songs thy summer sung. + +Live in thy past; await no more +The rush of heaven-sent wings; +Earth still has music left in store +While Memory sighs and sings. + + +I hope my special Minerva may not always be unwilling, but she must +not be called upon as she has been in times past. Now that the +teacups have left the table, an occasional evening call is all that +my readers must look for. Thanking them for their kind +companionship, and hoping that I may yet meet them in the now and +then in the future, I bid them goodbye for the immediate present. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext of Over the Teacups, by Oliver W. Holmes + diff --git a/old/teacp10.zip b/old/teacp10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6df653f --- /dev/null +++ b/old/teacp10.zip diff --git a/old/teacp11.txt b/old/teacp11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f1d0c9f --- /dev/null +++ b/old/teacp11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9582 @@ +Project Gutenberg Etext of Over the Teacups, by Oliver Wendell Holmes +#4 in our series by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (The Physician and Poet) + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. 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Hart +and may be reprinted only when these Etexts are free of all fees.] +[Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales +of Project Gutenberg Etexts or other materials be they hardware or +software or any other related product without express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.10/04/01*END* + + + + + +This etext was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net> + + + + + +OVER THE TEACUPS + +by Oliver W. Holmes + + + + +PREFACE. + +The kind way in which this series of papers has been received has +been a pleasure greater than I dared to anticipate. I felt that I +was a late comer in the midst of a crowd of ardent and eager +candidates for public attention, that I had already had my day, and +that if, like the unfortunate Frenchman we used read about, I had +"come again," I ought not to surprised if I received the welcome of +"Monsieur Tonson." + +It has not proved so. My old readers have come forward in the +pleasantest possible way and assured me that they were glad to see me +again. There is no need, therefore, of apologies or explanations. I +thought I had something left to say and I have found listeners. In +writing these papers I have had occupation and kept myself in +relation with my fellow-beings. New sympathies, new sources of +encouragement, if not of inspiration, have opened themselves before +me and cheated the least promising season of life of much that seemed +to render it dreary and depressing. What particularly pleased me has +been the freedom of criticisms which I have seen from disadvantageous +comparisons of my later with my earlier writings. + +I should like a little rest from literary work before the requiescat +ensures my repose from earthly labors, but I will not be rash enough +to promise that I will not even once again greet my old and new +readers if the impulse becomes irresistible to renew a companionship +which has been to me such a source of happiness. + +BEVERLY FARM, Mass., August, 1891. + +O. W. H. + + + + + + +OVER THE TEACUPS. + +I + +INTRODUCTION. + +This series of papers was begun in March, 1888. A single number was +printed, when it was interrupted the course of events, and not +resumed until nearly years later, in January, 1890. The plan of the +series was not formed in my mind when I wrote the number. In +returning to my task I found that my original plan had shaped itself +in the underground laboratory of my thought so that some changes had +to be made in what I had written. As I proceeded, the slight story +which formed a part of my programme eloped itself without any need of +much contrivance on my, part. Given certain characters in a writer's +conception, if they are real to him, as they ought to be they will +act in such or such a way, according to the law of their nature. It +was pretty safe to assume that intimate relations would spring up +between some members of our mixed company; and it was not rash +conjecture that some of these intimacies might end in such attachment +as would furnish us hints, at least, of a love-story. + +As to the course of the conversations which would take place, very +little could be guessed beforehand. Various subjects of interest +would be likely to present themselves, without definite order, +oftentimes abruptly and, as it would seem, capriciously. +Conversation in such a mixed company as that of "The Teacups" is +likely to be suggestive rather than exhaustive. Continuous discourse +is better adapted to the lecture-room than to the tea-table. There +is quite enough of it, I fear too much,--in these pages. But the +reader must take the reports of our talks as they were jotted down. +A patchwork quilt is not like a piece of Gobelin tapestry; but it has +its place and its use. + +Some will feel a temptation to compare these conversations with those +earlier ones, and remark unamiably upon their difference. This is +hardly fair, and is certainly not wise. They are produced under very +different conditions, and betray that fact in every line. It is +better to take them by themselves; and, if my reader finds anything +to please or profit from, I shall be contented, and he, I feel sure, +will not be ungrateful. + + +The readers who take up this volume may recollect a series of +conversations held many years ago over the breakfast-table, and +reported for their more or less profitable entertainment. Those were +not very early breakfasts at which the talks took place, but at any +rate the sun was rising, and the guests had not as yet tired +themselves with the labors of the day. The morning cup of coffee has +an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the +afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce. The +toils of the forenoon, the heats of midday, in the warm season, the +slanting light of the descending sun, or the sobered translucency of +twilight have subdued the vivacity of the early day. Yet under the +influence of the benign stimulant many trains of thought which will +bear recalling, may suggest themselves to some of our quiet circle +and prove not uninteresting to a certain number of readers. + +How early many of my old breakfast companions went off to bed! I am +thinking not merely of those who sat round our table, but of that +larger company of friends who listened to our conversations as +reported. Dear girl with the silken ringlets, dear boy with the +down-shadowed cheek, your grandfather, your grandmother, turned over +the freshly printed leaves that told the story of those earlier +meetings around the plain board where so many things were said and +sung, not all of which have quite faded from memory of this +overburdened and forgetful time. Your father, your mother, found the +scattered leaves gathered in a volume, and smiled upon them as not +uncompanionable acquaintances. My tea-table makes no promises. +There is no programme of exercises to studied beforehand. What if I +should content myself with a single report of what was said and done +over our teacups? Perhaps my young reader would be glad to let me +off, for there are talkers enough who have not yet left their +breakfast-tables; and nobody can blame the young people for +preferring the thoughts and the language of their own generation, +with all its future before it, to those of their grandfathers +contemporaries. + +My reader, young or old, will please to observe that I have left +myself entire freedom as to the sources of what may be said over the +teacups. I have not told how many cups are commonly on the board, +but by using the plural I have implied that there is at least one +other talker or listener beside myself, and for all that appears +there may be a dozen. There will be no regulation length to my +reports,--no attempt to make out a certain number of pages. I have +no contract to fill so many columns, no pledge to contribute so many +numbers. I can stop on this first page if I do not care to say +anything more, and let this article stand by itself if so minded. +What a sense of freedom it gives not to write by the yard or the +column! + +When one writes for an English review or magazine at so many guineas +a sheet, the temptation is very great to make one's contribution +cover as many sheets as possible. We all know the metallic taste of +articles written under this powerful stimulus. If Bacon's Essays had +been furnished by a modern hand to the "Quarterly Review" at fifty +guineas a sheet, what a great book it would have taken to hold them! + +The first thing which suggests itself to me, as I contemplate my +slight project, is the liability of repeating in the evening what I +may have said in the morning in one form or another, and printed in +these or other pages. When it suddenly flashes into the +consciousness of a writer who had been long before the public, "Why, +I have said all that once or oftener in my books or essays, and here +it is again; the same old thought, the same old image, the same old +story!" it irritates him, and is likely to stir up the monosyllables +of his unsanctified vocabulary. He sees in imagination a thousand +readers, smiling or yawning as they say to themselves, "We have had +all that before," and turn to another writer's performance for +something not quite so stale and superfluous. This is what the +writer says to himself about the reader. + +The idiot! Does the simpleton really think that everybody has read +all he has written? Does he really believe that everybody remembers +all of his, writer's, words he may happen to have read? At one of +those famous dinners of the Phi Beta Kappa Society; where no reporter +was ever admitted, and which nothing ever leaks out about what is +said and done, Mr. Edward Everett, in his after-dinner speech, quoted +these lines from the AEneid, giving a liberal English version of +them, which he applied to the Oration just delivered by Mr. Emerson: + + Tres imbris torti radios, tres nubis aquosae + Addiderant, rutili tres ignis, et alitis Austri. + +His nephew, the ingenious, inventive, and inexhaustible. Edward +Everett Hale, tells the story of this quotation, and of the various +uses to which it might plied in after-dinner speeches. How often he +ventured to repeat it at the Phi Beta Kappa dinners I am not sure; +but as he reproduced it with his lively embellishments and fresh +versions and artful circumlocutions, not one person in ten remembered +that he had listened to those same words in those same accents only a +twelvemonth ago. The poor deluded creatures who take it for granted +that all the world remembers what they have said, and laugh at them +when they say it over again, may profit by this recollection. But +what if one does say the same things,--of course in a little +different form each time,--over her? If he has anything to say worth +saying, that is just what be ought to do. Whether he ought to or +not, it is very certain that this is what all who write much or speak +much necessarily must and will do. Think of the clergyman who +preaches fifty or a hundred or more sermons every year for fifty +years! Think of the stump speaker who shouts before a hundred +audiences during the same political campaign, always using the same +arguments, illustrations, and catchwords! Think of the editor, as +Carlyle has pictured him, threshing the same straw every morning, +until we know what is coming when we see the first line, as we do +when we read the large capitals at the head of a thrilling story, +which ends in an advertisement of an all-cleansing soap or an all- +curing remedy! + +The latch-key which opens into the inner chambers of my consciousness +fits, as I have sufficient reason to believe, the private apartments +of a good many other people's thoughts. The longer we live, the more +we find we are like other persons. When I meet with any facts in my +own mental experience, I feel almost sure that I shall find them +repeated or anticipated in the writings or the conversation of +others. This feeling gives one a freedom in telling his own personal +history he could not have enjoyed without it. My story belongs to +you as much as to me. De te fabula narratur. Change the personal +pronoun,--that is all. It gives many readers a singular pleasure to +find a writer telling them something they have long known or felt, +but which they have never before found any one to put in words for +them. An author does not always know when he is doing the service of +the angel who stirred the waters of the pool of Bethesda. Many a +reader is delighted to find his solitary thought has a companion, and +is grateful to the benefactor who has strengthened him. This is the +advantage of the humble reader over the ambitious and self- +worshipping writer. It is not with him pereant illi, but beati sunt +illi qui pro nobis nostra dixerunt,-Blessed are those who have said +our good things for us. + +What I have been saying of repetitions leads me into a train of +reflections like which I think many readers will find something in +their own mental history. The area of consciousness is covered by +layers of habitual thoughts, as a sea-beach is covered with wave- +worn, rounded pebbles, shaped, smoothed, and polished by long +attrition against each other. These thoughts remain very much the +same from day to day, from week to week; and as we grow older, from +month to month, and from year to year. The tides of wakening +consciousness roll in upon them daily as we unclose our eyelids, and +keep up the gentle movement and murmur of ordinary mental respiration +until we close them again in slumber. When we think we are thinking, +we are for the most part only listening to sound of attrition between +these inert elements of intelligence. They shift their places a +little, they change their relations to each other, they roll over and +turn up new surfaces. Now and then a new fragment is cast in among +them, to be worn and rounded and takes its place with the others, but +the pebbled floor of consciousness is almost as stationary as the +pavement of a city thoroughfare. + +It so happens that at this particular tine I have something to tell +which I am quite sure is not one of rolled pebbles which my reader +has seen before in any of my pages, or, as I feel confident, in those +of any other writer. + +If my reader asks why I do not send the statement I am going to make +to some one of the special periodicals that deal with such subjects, +my answer is, that I like to tell my own stories at my own time, in +own chosen columns, where they will be read by a class of readers +with whom I like to talk. + +All men of letters or of science, all writers well known to the +public, are constantly tampered with, in these days, by a class of +predaceous and hungry fellow-laborers who may be collectively spoken +of as the brain-tappers. They want an author's ideas on the subjects +which interest them, the inquirers, from the gravest religious and +moral questions to the most trivial matters of his habits and his +whims and fancies. Some of their questions he cannot answer; some he +does not choose to answer; some he is not yet ready to answer, and +when he is ready he prefers to select his own organ of publication. +I do not find fault with all the brain-tappers. Some of them are +doing excellent service by accumulating facts which could not +otherwise be attained. Rut one gets tired of the strings of +questions sent him, to which he is expected to return an answer, +plucked, ripe or unripe, from his private tree of knowledge. The +braintappers are like the owner of the goose that laid the golden +eggs. They would have the embryos and germs of one's thoughts out of +the mental oviducts, and cannot wait for their spontaneous evolution +and extrusion. + +The story I have promised is, on the whole, the most remarkable of a +series which I may have told in part at some previous date, but +which, if I have not told, may be worth recalling at a future time. + +Some few of my readers may remember that in a former paper I +suggested the possibility of the existence of an idiotic area in the +human mind, corresponding to the blind spot in the human retina. I +trust that I shall not be thought to have let my wits go wandering in +that region of my own intellectual domain, when I relate a singular +coincidence which very lately occurred in my experience, and add a +few remarks made by one of our company on the delicate and difficult +but fascinating subject which it forces upon our attention. I will +first copy the memorandum made at the time: + +"Remarkable coincidence. On Monday, April 18th, being at table from +6.30 P. M. to 7.30, with ________and ________ the two ladies of my +household, I told them of the case of 'trial by battel' offered by +Abraham Thornton in 1817. I mentioned his throwing down his glove, +which was not taken up by the brother of his victim, and so he had to +be let off, for the old law was still in force. I mentioned that +Abraham Thornton was said to have come to this country, 'and [I added] +he may be living near us, for aught that I know." I rose from the +table, and found an English letter waiting for me, left while I sat +at dinner. A copy the first portion of this letter: + + +'20 ALFRED PLACE, West (near Museum) +South Kensington, LONDON, S. W. +April 7, 1887. + +DR. O. W. HOLMES: + +DEAR SIR,--In travelling, the other day, I met with a reprint of the +very interesting case of Thornton for murder, 1817. The prisoner +pleaded successfully the old Wager of Battel. I thought you would +like to read the account, and send it with this.... + +Yours faithfully, + +FRED. RATHBONE.' + + +Mr. Rathbone is a well-known dealer in old Wedgwood and eighteenth- +century art. As a friend of my hospitable entertainer, Mr. Willett, +he had shown me many attentions in England, but I was not expecting +any communication from him; and when, fresh from my conversation, I +found this letter just arrived by mail, and left while I was at +table, and on breaking the seal read what I had a few moments before +been; telling, I was greatly surprised, and immediately made a note +of the occurrence, as given above. + +I had long been familiar with all the details of this celebrated +case, but had not referred to it, so far as I can remember, for +months or years. I know of no train of thought which led me to speak +of it on that particular day. I had never alluded to it before in +that company, nor had I ever spoken of it with Mr. Rathbone. + +I told this story over our teacups. Among the company at the table +is a young English girl. She seemed to be amused by the story. +"Fancy!" she said,--"how very very odd!" "It was a striking and +curious coincidence," said the professor who was with us at the +table. "As remarkable as two teaspoons in one saucer," was the +comment of a college youth who happened to be one of the company. +But the member of our circle whom the reader will hereafter know as +Number Seven, began stirring his tea in a nervous sort of way, and I +knew that he was getting ready to say something about the case. An +ingenious man he is, with a brain like a tinder-box, its contents +catching at any spark that is flying about. I always like to hear +what he says when his tinder brain has a spark fall into it. It does +not follow that because he is often wrong he may not sometimes be +right, for he is no fool. He treated my narrative very seriously. + +The reader need not be startled at the new terms he introduces. +Indeed, I am not quite sure that some thinking people will not adopt +his view of the matter, which seems to have a degree of plausibility +as he states and illustrates it. + +"The impulse which led you to tell that story passed directly from +the letter, which came charged from the cells of the cerebral battery +of your correspondent. The distance at which the action took place +[the letter was left on a shelf twenty-four feet from the place where +I was sitting] shows this charge to have been of notable intensity. + +"Brain action through space without material symbolism, such as +speech, expression, etc., is analogous to electrical induction. +Charge the prime conductor of an electrical machine, and a gold-leaf +electrometer, far off from it, will at once be disturbed. +Electricity, as we all know, can be stored and transported as if it +were a measurable fluid. + +"Your incident is a typical example of cerebral induction from a +source containing stored cerebricity. I use this word, not to be +found in my dictionaries, as expressing the brain-cell power +corresponding to electricity. Think how long it was before we had +attained any real conception of the laws that govern the wonderful +agent, which now works in harness with the other trained and subdued +forces! It is natural that cerebricity should be the last of the +unweighable agencies to be understood. The human eye had seen heaven +and earth and all that in them is before it saw itself as our +instruments enable us to see it. This fact of yours, which seems so +strange to you, belongs to a great series of similar facts familiarly +known now to many persons, and before long to be recognized as +generally as those relating to the electric telegraph and the slaving +`dynamo.' + +"What! you cannot conceive of a charge of cerebricity fastening +itself on a letter-sheet and clinging to it for weeks, while it was +shuffling about in mail-bags, rolling over the ocean, and shaken up +in railroad cars? And yet the odor of a grain of musk will hang +round a note or a dress for a lifetime. Do you not remember what +Professor Silliman says, in that pleasant journal of his, about the +little ebony cabinet which Mary, Queen of Scots, brought with her +from France,--how 'its drawers still exhale the sweetest perfumes'? +If they could hold their sweetness for more than two hundred years, +why should not a written page retain for a week or a month the +equally mysterious effluence poured over it from the thinking marrow, +and diffuse its vibrations to another excitable nervous centre?" + +I have said that although our imaginative friend is given to wild +speculations, he is not always necessarily wrong. We know too little +about the laws of brain-force to be dogmatic with reference to it. I +am, myself, therefore, fully in sympathy with the psychological +investigators. When it comes to the various pretended sciences by +which men and women make large profits, attempts at investigation are +very apt to be used as lucrative advertisements for the charlatans. +But a series of investigations of the significance of certain popular +beliefs and superstitions, a careful study of the relations of +certain facts to each other,--whether that of cause and effect, or +merely of coincidence,--is a task not unworthy of sober-minded and +well-trained students of nature. Such a series of investigations has +been recently instituted, and was reported at a late meeting held in +the rooms of the Boston Natural History Society. The results were, +mostly negative, and in one sense a disappointment. A single case, +related by Professor Royce, attracted a good deal of attention. It +was reported in the next morning's newspapers, and will be given at +full length, doubtless, in the next number of the Psychological +Journal. The leading facts were, briefly, these: A lady in Hamburg, +Germany, wrote, on the 22d of June last, that she had what she +supposed to be nightmare on the night of the 17th, five days before. +"It seemed," she wrote, "to belong to you; to be a horrid pain in +your head, as if it were being forcibly jammed into an iron casque, +or some such pleasant instrument of torture." It proved that on that +same 17th of June her sister was undergoing a painful operation at +the hands of a dentist. "No single case," adds Professor Royce, +"proves, or even makes probable, the existence of telepathic +toothaches; but if there are any more cases of this sort, we want to +hear of them, and that all the more because no folk-lore and no +supernatural horrors have as yet mingled with the natural and well- +known impressions that people associate with the dentist's chair." + +The case I have given is, I am confident, absolutely free from every +source of error. I do not remember that Mr. Rathbone had +communicated with me since he sent me a plentiful supply of mistletoe +a year ago last Christmas. The account I received from him was cut +out of "The Sporting Times" of March 5, 1887. My own knowledge of +the case came from "Kirby's Wonderful Museum," a work presented to me +at least thirty years ago. I had not looked at the account, spoken +of it, nor thought of it for a long time, when it came to me by a +kind of spontaneous generation, as it seemed, having no connection +with any previous train of thought that I was aware of. I consider +the evidence of entire independence, apart from possible "telepathic" +causation, completely water-proof, airtight, incombustible, and +unassailable. + +I referred, when first reporting this curious case of coincidence, +with suggestive circumstances, to two others, one of which I said was +the most picturesque and the other the most unlikely, as it would +seem, to happen. This is the first of those two cases:-- + +Grenville Tudor Phillips was a younger brother of George Phillips, my +college classmate, and of Wendell Phillips, the great orator. He +lived in Europe a large part of his life, but at last returned, and, +in the year 1863, died at the house of his brother George. I read +his death in the paper; but, having seen and heard very little of him +during his life, should not have been much impressed by the fact, but +for the following occurrence: between the time of Grenville +Phillips's death and his burial, I was looking in upon my brother, +then living in the house in which we were both born. Some books +which had been my father's were stored in shelves in the room I used +to occupy when at Cambridge. Passing my eye over them, an old dark +quarto attracted my attention. It must be a Bible, I said to myself, +perhaps a rare one,--the "Breeches" Bible or some other interesting +specimen. I took it from the shelves, and, as I did so, an old slip +of paper fell out and fluttered to the floor. On lifting it I read +these words: + +The name is Grenville Tudor. + +What was the meaning of this slip of paper coming to light at this +time, after reposing undisturbed so long? There was only one way of +explaining its presence in my father's old Bible;--a copy of the +Scriptures which I did not remember ever having handled or looked +into before. In christening a child the minister is liable to forget +the name, just at the moment when he ought to remember it. My father +preached occasionally at the Brattle Street Church. I take this for +granted, for I remember going with him on one occasion when he did +so. Nothing was more likely than that he should be asked to +officiate at the baptism of the younger son of his wife's first +cousin, Judge Phillips. This slip was handed him to remind him of +the name: He brought it home, put it in that old Bible, and there it +lay quietly for nearly half a century, when, as if it had just heard +of Mr. Phillips's decease, it flew from its hiding-place and startled +the eyes of those who had just read his name in the daily column of +deaths. It would be hard to find anything more than a mere +coincidence here; but it seems curious enough to be worth telling. + +The second of these two last stories must be told in prosaic detail +to show its whole value as a coincidence. + +One evening while I was living in Charles Street, I received a call +from Dr. S., a well-known and highly respected Boston physician, a +particular friend of the late Alexander H. Stephens, vice-president +of the Southern Confederacy. It was with reference to a work which +Mr. Stephens was about to publish that Dr. S. called upon me. After +talking that matter over we got conversing on other subjects, among +the rest a family relationship existing between us,--not a very near +one, but one which I think I had seen mentioned in genealogical +accounts. Mary S. (the last name being the same as that of my +visitant), it appeared, was the great-great-grandmother of Mrs. H. +and myself. After cordially recognizing our forgotten relationship, +now for the first time called to mind, we parted, my guest leaving me +for his own home. We had been sitting in my library on the lower +floor. On going up-stairs where Mrs. H. was sitting alone, just as I +entered the room she pushed a paper across the table towards me, +saying that perhaps it might interest me. It was one of a number of +old family papers which she had brought from the house of her mother, +recently deceased. + +I opened the paper, which was an old-looking document, and found that +it was a copy, perhaps made in this century, of the will of that same +Mary S. about whom we had been talking down-stairs. + +If there is such a thing as a purely accidental coincidence this must +be considered an instance of it. + +All one can say about it is that it seems very unlikely that such a +coincidence should occur, but it did. + +I have not tried to keep my own personality out of these stories. +But after all, how little difference it makes whether or not a writer +appears with a mask on which everybody can take off,--whether he +bolts his door or not, when everybody can look in at his windows, and +all his entrances are at the mercy of the critic's skeleton key and +the jimmy of any ill-disposed assailant! + +The company have been silent listeners for the most part; but the +reader will have a chance to become better acquainted with some cf +them by and by. + + + + +II + +TO THE READER. + +I know that it is a hazardous experiment to address myself again to a +public which in days long past has given me a generous welcome. But +my readers have been, and are, a very faithful constituency. I think +there are many among them who would rather listen to an old voice +they are used to than to a new one of better quality, even if the +"childish treble" should betray itself now and then in the tones of +the overtired organ. But there must be others,--I am afraid many +others,--who will exclaim: "He has had his day, and why can't he be +content? We don't want literary revenants, superfluous veterans, +writers who have worn out their welcome and still insist on being +attended to. Give us something fresh, something that belongs to our +day and generation. Your morning draught was well enough, but we +don't care for your evening slip-slop. You are not in relation with +us, with our time, our ideas, our aims, our aspirations." + +Alas, alas! my friend,--my young friend, for your hair is not yet +whitened,--I am afraid you are too nearly right. No doubt,--no +doubt. Teacups are not coffee-cups. They do not hold so much. +Their pallid infusion is but a feeble stimulant compared with the +black decoction served at the morning board. And so, perhaps, if +wisdom like yours were compatible with years like mine, I should drop +my pen and make no further attempts upon your patience. + +But suppose that a writer who has reached and passed the natural +limit of serviceable years feels that he has some things which be +would like to say, and which may have an interest for a limited class +of readers,--is he not right in trying his powers and calmly taking +the risk of failure? Does it not seem rather lazy and cowardly, +because he cannot "beat his record," or even come up to the level of +what he has done in his prime, to shrink from exerting his talent, +such as it is, now that he has outlived the period of his greatest +vigor? A singer who is no longer equal to the trials of opera on the +stage may yet please at a chamber concert or in the drawing-room. +There is one gratification an old author can afford a certain class +of critics: that, namely, of comparing him as he is with what he was. +It is a pleasure to mediocrity to have its superiors brought within +range, so to speak; and if the ablest of them will only live long +enough, and keep on writing, there is no pop-gun that cannot reach +him. But I fear that this is an unamiable reflection, and I am at +this time in a very amiable mood. + +I confess that there is something agreeable to me in renewing my +relations with the reading public. Were it but a single appearance, +it would give me a pleasant glimpse of the time when I was known as a +frequent literary visitor. Many of my readers--if I can lure any +from the pages of younger writers will prove to be the children, or +the grandchildren, of those whose acquaintance I made something more +than a whole generation ago. I could depend on a kind welcome from +my contemporaries,--my coevals. But where are those contemporaries? +Ay de mi! as Carlyle used to exclaim,--Ah, dear me! as our old women +say,--I look round for them, and see only their vacant places. The +old vine cannot unwind its tendrils. The branch falls with the decay +of its support, and must cling to the new growths around it, if it +would not lie helpless in the dust. This paper is a new tendril, +feeling its way, as it best may, to whatever it can wind around. The +thought of finding here and there an old friend, and making, it may +be, once in a while a new one, is very grateful to me. The chief +drawback to the pleasure is the feeling that I am submitting to that +inevitable exposure which is the penalty of authorship in every form. +A writer must make up his mind to the possible rough treatment of the +critics, who swarm like bacteria whenever there is any literary +material on which they can feed. I have had as little to complain of +as most writers, yet I think it is always with reluctance that one +encounters the promiscuous handling which the products of the mind +have to put up with, as much as the fruit and provisions in the +market-stalls. I had rather be criticised, however, than criticise; +that is, express my opinions in the public prints of other writers' +work, if they are living, and can suffer, as I should often have to +make them. There are enough, thank Heaven, without me. We are +literary cannibals, and our writers live on each other and each +other's productions to a fearful extent. What the mulberry leaf is +to the silk-worm, the author's book, treatise, essay, poem, is to the +critical larva; that feed upon it. It furnishes them with food and +clothing. The process may not be agreeable to the mulberry leaf or +to the printed page; but without it the leaf would not have become +the silk that covers the empress's shoulders, and but for the critic +the author's book might never have reached the scholar's table. +Scribblers will feed on each other, and if we insist on being +scribblers we must consent to be fed on. We must try to endure +philosophically what we cannot help, and ought not, I suppose, to +wish to help. + +It is the custom at our table to vary the usual talk, by the reading +of short papers, in prose or verse, by one or more of The Teacups, as +we are in the habit of calling those who make up our company. Thirty +years ago, one of our present circle--"Teacup Number Two," The +Professor,--read a paper on Old Age, at a certain Breakfast-table, +where he was in the habit of appearing. That paper was published at +the time, and has since seen the light in other forms. He did not +know so much about old age then as he does now, and would doubtless +write somewhat differently if he took the subject up again. But I +found that it was the general wish that another of our company should +let us hear what he had to say about it. I received a polite note, +requesting me to discourse about old age, inasmuch as I was +particularly well qualified by my experience to write in an +authoritative way concerning it. The fact is that I,--for it is +myself who am speaking,--have recently arrived at the age of +threescore years and twenty,--fourscore years we may otherwise call +it. In the arrangement of our table, I am Teacup Number One, and I +may as well say that I am often spoken of as The Dictator. There is +nothing invidious in this, as I am the oldest of the company, and no +claim is less likely to excite jealousy than that of priority of +birth. + +I received congratulations on reaching my eightieth birthday, not +only from our circle of Teacups, but from friends, near and distant, +in large numbers. I tried to acknowledge these kindly missives with +the aid of a most intelligent secretary; but I fear that there were +gifts not thanked for, and tokens of good-will not recognized. Let +any neglected correspondent be assured that it was not intentionally +that he or she was slighted. I was grateful for every such mark of +esteem; even for the telegram from an unknown friend in a distant +land, for which I cheerfully paid the considerable charge which the +sender doubtless knew it would give me pleasure to disburse for such +an expression of friendly feeling. + +I will not detain the reader any longer from the essay I have +promised. + +This is the paper read to The Teacups. + +It is in A Song of Moses that we find the words, made very familiar +to us by the Episcopal Burial Service, which place the natural limit +on life at threescore years and ten, with an extra ten years for some +of a stronger constitution than the average. Yet we are told that +Moses himself lived to be a hundred and twenty years old, and that +his eye was not dim nor his natural strength abated. This is hard to +accept literally, but we need not doubt that he was very old, and in +remarkably good condition for a man of his age. Among his followers +was a stout old captain, Caleb, the son of Jephunneh. This ancient +warrior speaks of himself in these brave terms: "Lo, I am this day +fourscore and five years old. As yet, I am as strong this day as I +was in the day that Moses sent me; as my strength was then, even so +is my strength now, for war, both to go out and to come in." It is +not likely that anybody believed his brag about his being as good a +man for active service at eighty-five as he was at forty, when Moses +sent him out to spy the land of Canaan. But he was, no doubt, lusty +and vigorous for his years, and ready to smite the Canaanites hip and +thigh, and drive them out, and take possession of their land, as he +did forthwith, when Moses gave him leave. + +Grand old men there were, three thousand years ago! But not all +octogenarians were like Caleb, the son of Jephunneh. Listen to poor +old Barzillai, and hear him piping: "I am this day fourscore years +old; and can I discern between good and evil? Can thy servant taste +what I eat or what I drink? Can I hear any more the voice of +singing men and singing women? Wherefore, then, should thy servant +be yet a burden unto my lord the king?" And poor King David was +worse off than this, as you all remember, at the early age of +seventy. + +Thirty centuries do not seem to have made any very great difference +in the extreme limits of life. Without pretending to rival the +alleged cases of life prolonged beyond the middle of its second +century, such as those of Henry Jenkins and Thomas Parr, we can make +a good showing of centenarians and nonagenarians. I myself remember +Dr. Holyoke, of Salem, son of a president of Harvard College, who +answered a toast proposed in his honor at a dinner given to him on +his hundredth birthday. + +"Father Cleveland," our venerated city missionary, was born June 21, +1772, and died June 5, 1872, within a little more than a fortnight of +his hundredth birthday. Colonel Perkins, of Connecticut, died +recently after celebrating his centennial anniversary. + +Among nonagenarians, three whose names are well known to Bostonians, +Lord Lyndhurst, Josiah Quincy, and Sidney Bartlett, were remarkable +for retaining their faculties in their extreme age. That patriarch +of our American literature, the illustrious historian of his country, +is still with us, his birth dating in 1800. + +Ranke, the great German historian, died at the age of ninety-one, and +Chevreul, the eminent chemist, at that of a hundred and two. + +Some English sporting characters have furnished striking examples of +robust longevity. In Gilpin's "Forest Scenery" there is the story of +one of these horseback heroes. Henry Hastings was the name of this +old gentleman, who lived in the time of Charles the First. It would +be hard to find a better portrait of a hunting squire than that which +the Earl of Shaftesbury has the credit of having drawn of this very +peculiar personage. His description ends by saying, "He lived to be +an hundred, and never lost his eyesight nor used spectacles. He got +on horseback without help, and rode to the death of the stag till he +was past fourscore." + +Everything depends on habit. Old people can do, of course, more or +less well, what they have been doing all their lives; but try to +teach them any new tricks, and the truth of the old adage will very +soon show itself. Mr. Henry Hastings had done nothing but hunt all +his days, and his record would seem to have been a good deal like +that of Philippus Zaehdarm in that untranslatable epitaph which may +be found in "Sartor Resartus." Judged by its products, it was a very +short life of a hundred useless twelve months. + +It is something to have climbed the white summit, the Mont Blanc of +fourscore. A small number only of mankind ever see their eightieth +anniversary. I might go to the statistical tables of the annuity and +life insurance offices for extended and exact information, but I +prefer to take the facts which have impressed themselves upon me in +my own career. + +The class of 1829 at Harvard College, of which I am a member, +graduated, according to the triennial, fifty-nine in number. It is +sixty years, then, since that time; and as they were, on an average, +about twenty years old, those who survive must have reached fourscore +years. Of the fifty-nine graduates ten only are living, or were at +the last accounts; one in six, very nearly. In the first ten years +after graduation, our third decade, when we were between twenty and +thirty years old, we lost three members,--about one in twenty; +between the ages of thirty and forty, eight died,--one in seven of +those the decade began with; from forty to fifty, only two,--or one +in twenty-four; from fifty to sixty, eight,--or one in six; from +sixty to seventy, fifteen,--or two out of every five; from seventy to +eighty, twelve,--or one in two. The greatly increased mortality +which began with our seventh decade went on steadily increasing. At +sixty we come "within range of the rifle-pits," to borrow an +expression from my friend Weir Mitchell. + +Our eminent classmate, the late Professor Benjamin Peirce, showed by +numerical comparison that the men of superior ability outlasted the +average of their fellow-graduates. He himself lived a little beyond +his threescore and ten years. James Freeman Clarke almost reached +the age of eighty. The eighth decade brought the fatal year for +Benjamin Robbins Curtis, the great lawyer, who was one of the judges +of the Supreme Court of the United States; for the very able chief +justice of Massachusetts, George Tyler Bigelow; and for that famous +wit and electric centre of social life, George T. Davis. At the last +annual dinner every effort was made to bring all the survivors of the +class together. Six of the ten living members were there, six old +men in the place of the thirty or forty classmates who surrounded the +long, oval table in 1859, when I asked, "Has there any old fellow got +mixed with the boys?"--11 boys whose tongues were as the vibrating +leaves of the forest; whose talk was like the voice of many waters; +whose laugh was as the breaking of mighty waves upon the seashore. +Among the six at our late dinner was our first scholar, the thorough- +bred and accomplished engineer who held the city of Lawrence in his +brain before it spread itself out along the banks of the Merrimac. +There, too, was the poet whose National Hymn, "My Country, 't is of +thee," is known to more millions, and dearer to many of them, than +all the other songs written since the Psalms of David. Four of our +six were clergymen; the engineer and the present writer completed the +list. Were we melancholy? Did we talk of graveyards and epitaphs? +No,--we remembered our dead tenderly, serenely, feeling deeply what +we had lost in those who but a little while ago were with us. How +could we forget James Freeman Clarke, that man of noble thought and +vigorous action, who pervaded this community with his spirit, and was +felt through all its channels as are the light and the strength that +radiate through the wires which stretch above us? It was a pride and +a happiness to have such classmates as he was to remember. We were +not the moping, complaining graybeards that many might suppose we +must have been. We had been favored with the blessing of long life. +We had seen the drama well into its fifth act. The sun still warmed +us, the air was still grateful and life-giving. But there was +another underlying source of our cheerful equanimity, which we could +not conceal from ourselves if we had wished to do it. Nature's +kindly anodyne is telling upon us more and more with every year. Our +old doctors used to give an opiate which they called "the black +drop." It was stronger than laudanum, and, in fact, a dangerously +powerful narcotic. Something like this is that potent drug in +Nature's pharmacopoeia which she reserves for the time of need,--the +later stages of life. She commonly begins administering it at about +the time of the "grand climacteric," the ninth septennial period, the +sixty-third year. More and more freely she gives it, as the years go +on, to her grey-haired children, until, if they last long enough, +every faculty is benumbed, and they drop off quietly into sleep under +its benign influence. + +Do you say that old age is unfeeling? It has not vital energy enough +to supply the waste of the more exhausting emotions. Old Men's +Tears, which furnished the mournful title to Joshua Scottow's +Lamentations, do not suggest the deepest grief conceivable. A little +breath of wind brings down the raindrops which have gathered on the +leaves of the tremulous poplars. A very slight suggestion brings the +tears from Marlborough's eyes, but they are soon over, and he is +smiling again as an allusion carries him back to the days of Blenheim +and Malplaquet. Envy not the old man the tranquillity of his +existence, nor yet blame him if it sometimes looks like apathy. +Time, the inexorable, does not threaten him with the scythe so often +as with the sand-bag. He does not cut, but he stuns and stupefies. +One's fellow-mortals can afford to be as considerate and tender with +him as Time and Nature. + +There was not much boasting among us of our present or our past, as +we sat together in the little room at the great hotel. A certain +amount of self-deception is quite possible at threescore years and +ten, but at three score years and twenty Nature has shown most of +those who live to that age that she is earnest, and means to +dismantle and have done with them in a very little while. As for +boasting of our past, the laudator temporis acti makes but a poor +figure in our time. Old people used to talk of their youth as if +there were giants in those days. We knew some tall men when we were +young, but we can see a man taller than any one among them at the +nearest dime museum. We had handsome women among us, of high local +reputation, but nowadays we have professional beauties who challenge +the world to criticise them as boldly as Phryne ever challenged her +Athenian admirers. We had fast horses,--did not "Old Blue" trot a +mile in three minutes? True, but there is a three-year-old colt just +put on the track who has done it in a little more than two thirds of +that time. It seems as if the material world had been made over +again since we were boys. It is but a short time since we were +counting up the miracles we had lived to witness. The list is +familiar enough: the railroad, the ocean steamer, photography, the +spectroscope, the telegraph, telephone, phonograph, anesthetics, +electric illumination,--with such lesser wonders as the friction +match, the sewing machine, and the bicycle. And now, we said, we +must have come to the end of these unparalleled developments of the +forces of nature. We must rest on our achievements. The nineteenth +century is not likely to add to them; we must wait for the twentieth +century. Many of us, perhaps most of us, felt in that way. We had +seen our planet furnished by the art of man with a complete nervous +system: a spinal cord beneath the ocean, secondary centres,-- +ganglions,--in all the chief places where men are gathered together, +and ramifications extending throughout civilization. All at once, by +the side of this talking and light-giving apparatus, we see another +wire stretched over our heads, carrying force to a vast metallic +muscular system,--a slender cord conveying the strength of a hundred +men, of a score of horses, of a team of elephants. The lightning is +tamed and harnessed, the thunderbolt has become a common carrier. No +more surprises in this century! A voice whispers, What next? + +It will not do for us to boast about our young days and what they had +to show. It is a great deal better to boast of what they could not +show, and, strange as it may seem, there is a certain satisfaction in +it. In these days of electric lighting, when you have only to touch +a button and your parlor or bedroom is instantly flooded with light, +it is a pleasure to revert to the era of the tinder-box, the flint +and steel, and the brimstone match. It gives me an almost proud +satisfaction to tell how we used, when those implements were not at +hand or not employed, to light our whale-oil lamp by blowing a live +coal held against the wick, often swelling our cheeks and reddening +our faces until we were on the verge of apoplexy. I love to tell of +our stage-coach experiences, of our sailing-packet voyages, of the +semi-barbarous destitution of all modern comforts and conveniences +through which we bravely lived and came out the estimable personages +you find us. + +Think of it! All my boyish shooting was done with a flint-lock gun; +the percussion lock came to me as one of those new-fangled notions +people had just got hold of. We ancients can make a grand display of +minus quantities in our reminiscences, and the figures look almost as +well as if they had the plus sign before them. + +I am afraid that old people found life rather a dull business in the +time of King David and his rich old subject and friend, Barzillai, +who, poor man, could not have read a wicked novel, nor enjoyed a +symphony concert, if they had had those luxuries in his day. There +were no pleasant firesides, for there were no chimneys. There were +no daily newspapers for the old man to read, and he could not read +them if there were, with his dimmed eyes, nor hear them read, very +probably, with his dulled ears. There was no tobacco, a soothing +drug, which in its various forms is a great solace to many old men +and to some old women, Carlyle and his mother used to smoke their +pipes together, you remember. + +Old age is infinitely more cheerful, for intelligent people at least, +than it was two or three thousand years ago. It is our duty, so far +as we can, to keep it so. There will always be enough about it that +is solemn, and more than enough, alas! that is saddening. But how +much there is in our times to lighten its burdens! If they that look +out at the windows be darkened, the optician is happy to supply them +with eye-glasses for use before the public, and spectacles for their +hours of privacy. If the grinders cease because they are few, they +can be made many again by a third dentition, which brings no +toothache in its train. By temperance and good Habits of life, +proper clothing, well-warmed, well-drained, and well-ventilated +dwellings, and sufficient, not too much exercise, the old man of our +time may keep his muscular strength in very good condition. I doubt +if Mr. Gladstone, who is fast nearing his eightieth birthday, would +boast, in the style of Caleb, that he was as good a man with his axe +as he was when he was forty, but I would back him,--if the match were +possible, for a hundred shekels, against that over-confident old +Israelite, to cut down and chop up a cedar of Lebanon. I know a most +excellent clergyman, not far from my own time of life, whom I would +pit against any old Hebrew rabbi or Greek philosopher of his years +and weight, if they could return to the flesh, to run a quarter of a +mile on a good, level track. + +We must not make too much of such exceptional cases of prolonged +activity. I often reproached my dear friend and classmate, Tames +Freeman Clarke, that his ceaseless labors made it impossible for his +coevals to enjoy the luxury of that repose which their years +demanded. A wise old man, the late Dr. James Walker, president of +Harvard University, said that the great privilege of old age was the +getting rid of responsibilities. These hard-working veterans will +not let one get rid of them until he drops in his harness, and so +gets rid of them and his life together. How often has many a tired +old man envied the superannuated family cat, stretched upon the rug +before the fire, letting the genial warmth tranquilly diffuse itself +through all her internal arrangements! No more watching for mice in +dark, damp cellars, no more awaiting the savage gray rat at the mouth +of his den, no more scurrying up trees and lamp-posts to avoid the +neighbor's cur who wishes to make her acquaintance! It is very grand +to "die in harness," but it is very pleasant to have the tight straps +unbuckled and the heavy collar lifted from the neck and shoulders. + +It is natural enough to cling to life. We are used to atmospheric +existence, and can hardly conceive of ourselves except as breathing +creatures. We have never tried any other mode of being, or, if we +have, we have forgotten all about it, whatever Wordsworth's grand ode +may tell us we remember. Heaven itself must be an experiment to +every human soul which shall find itself there. It may take time for +an earthborn saint to become acclimated to the celestial ether,--that +is, if time can be said to exist for a disembodied spirit. We are +all sentenced to capital punishment for the crime of living, and +though the condemned cell of our earthly existence is but a narrow +and bare dwelling-place, we have adjusted ourselves to it, and made +it tolerably comfortable for the little while we are to be confined +in it. The prisoner of Chillon + + "regained [his] freedom with a sigh," + +and a tender-hearted mortal might be pardoned for looking back, like +the poor lady who was driven from her dwelling-place by fire and +brimstone, at the home he was leaving for the "undiscovered country." + +On the other hand, a good many persons, not suicidal in their +tendencies, get more of life than they want. One of our wealthy +citizens said, on hearing that a friend had dropped off from +apoplexy, that it made his mouth water to hear of such a case. It +was an odd expression, but I have no doubt that the fine old +gentleman to whom it was attributed made use of it. He had had +enough of his gout and other infirmties. Swift's account of the +Struldbrugs is not very amusing reading for old people, but some may +find it a consolation to reflect on the probable miseries they escape +in not being doomed to an undying earthly existence. + +There are strange diversities in the way in which different old +persons look upon their prospects. A millionaire whom I well +remember confessed that be should like to live long enough to learn +how much a certain fellow-citizen, a multimillionaire, was worth. +One of the, three nonagenarians before referred to expressed himself +as having a great curiosity about the new sphere of existence to +which he was looking forward. + +The feeling must of necessity come to many aged persons that they +have outlived their usefulness; that they are no longer wanted, but +rather in the way, drags on the wheels rather than helping them +forward. But let them remember the often-quoted line of Milton, + + "They also serve who only stand and wait." + +This is peculiarly true of them. They are helping others without +always being aware of it. They are the shields, the breakwaters, of +those who come after them. Every decade is a defence of the one next +behind it. At thirty the youth has sobered into manhood, but the +strong men of forty rise in almost unbroken rank between him and the +approaches of old age as they show in the men of fifty. At forty he +looks with a sense of security at the strong men of fifty, and sees +behind them the row of sturdy sexagenarians. When fifty is reached, +somehow sixty does not look so old as it once used to, and seventy is +still afar off. After sixty the stern sentence of the burial service +seems to have a meaning that one did not notice in former years. +There begins to be something personal about it. But if one lives to +seventy he soon gets used to the text with the threescore years and +ten in it, and begins to count himself among those who by reason of +strength are destined to reach fourscore, of whom he can see a number +still in reasonably good condition. The octogenarian loves to read +about people of ninety and over. He peers among the asterisks of the +triennial catalogue of the University for the names of graduates who +have been seventy years out of college and remain still unstarred. +He is curious about the biographies of centenarians. Such escapades +as those of that terrible old sinner and ancestor of great men, the +Reverend Stephen Bachelder, interest him as they never did before. +But he cannot deceive himself much longer. See him walking on a +level surface, and he steps off almost as well as ever; but watch him +coming down a flight of stairs, and the family record could not tell +his years more faithfully. He cut you dead, you say? Did it occur +to you that he could not see you clearly enough to know you from any +other son or daughter of Adam? He said he was very glad to hear it, +did he, when you told him that your beloved grandmother had just +deceased? Did you happen to remember that though he does not allow +that he is deaf, he will not deny that he does not hear quite so well +as he used to? No matter about his failings; the longer he holds on +to life, the longer he makes life seem to all the living who follow +him, and thus he is their constant benefactor. + +Every stage of existence has its special trials and its special +consolations. Habits are the crutches of old age; by the aid of +these we manage to hobble along after the mental joints are stiff and +the muscles rheumatic, to speak metaphorically,--that is to say, when +every act of self-determination costs an effort and a pang. We +become more and more automatic as we grow older, and if we lived long +enough we should come to be pieces of creaking machinery like +Maelzel's chess player,--or what that seemed to be. + +Emerson was sixty-three years old, the year I have referred to as +that of the grand climacteric, when he read to his son the poem he +called "Terminus," beginning: + + "It is time to be old, + To take in sail. + The God of bounds, + Who sets to seas a shore, + Came to me in his fatal rounds + And said, 'No more!'" + +It was early in life to feel that the productive stage was over, but +he had received warning from within, and did not wish to wait for +outside advices. There is all the difference in the world in the +mental as in the bodily constitution of different individuals. Some +must "take in sail" sooner, some later. We can get a useful lesson +from the American and the English elms on our Common. The American +elms are quite bare, and have been so for weeks. They know very well +that they are going to have storms to wrestle with; they have not +forgotten the gales of September and the tempests of the late autumn +and early winter. It is a hard fight they are going to have, and +they strip their coats off and roll up their shirt-sleeves, and show +themselves bare-armed and ready for the contest. The English elms +are of a more robust build, and stand defiant, with all their summer +clothing about their sturdy frames. They may yet have to learn a +lesson of their American cousins, for notwithstanding their compact +and solid structure they go to pieces in the great winds just as ours +do. We must drop much of our foliage before winter is upon us. We +must take in sail and throw over cargo, if that is necessary, to keep +us afloat. We have to decide between our duties and our instinctive +demand of rest. I can believe that some have welcomed the decay of +their active powers because it furnished them with peremptory reasons +for sparing themselves during the few years that were left them. + +Age brings other obvious changes besides the loss of active power. +The sensibilities are less keen, the intelligence is less lively, as +we might expect under the influence of that narcotic which Nature +administers. But there is another effect of her "black drop" which +is not so commonly recognized. Old age is like an opium-dream. +Nothing seems real except what is unreal. I am sure that the +pictures painted by the imagination,--the faded frescos on the walls +of memory,--come out in clearer and brighter colors than belonged to +them many years earlier. Nature has her special favors for her +children of every age, and this is one which she reserves for our +second childhood. + +No man can reach an advanced age without thinking of that great +change to which, in the course of nature, he must be so near. It has +been remarked that the sterner beliefs of rigid theologians are apt +to soften in their later years. All reflecting persons, even those +whose minds have been half palsied by the deadly dogmas which have +done all they could to disorganize their thinking powers,--all +reflecting persons, I say, must recognize, in looking back over a +long life, how largely their creeds, their course of life, their +wisdom and unwisdom, their whole characters, were shaped by the +conditions which surrounded them. Little children they came from the +hands of the Father of all; little children in their helplessness, +their ignorance, they are going back to Him. They cannot help +feeling that they are to be transferred from the rude embrace of the +boisterous elements to arms that will receive them tenderly. Poor +planetary foundlings, they have known hard treatment at the hands of +the brute forces of nature, from the control of which they are soon +to be set free. There are some old pessimists, it is true, who +believe that they and a few others are on a raft, and that the ship +which they have quitted, holding the rest of mankind, is going down +with all on board. It is no wonder that there should be such when we +remember what have been the teachings of the priesthood through long +series of ignorant centuries. Every age has to shape the Divine +image it worships over again,--the present age and our own country +are busily engaged in the task at this time. We unmake Presidents +and make new ones. This is an apprenticeship for a higher task. Our +doctrinal teachers are unmaking the Deity of the Westminster +Catechism and trying to model a new one, with more of modern humanity +and less of ancient barbarism in his composition. If Jonathan +Edwards had lived long enough, I have no doubt his creed would have +softened into a kindly, humanized belief. + +Some twenty or thirty years ago, I said to Longfellow that certain +statistical tables I had seen went to show that poets were not a +long-lived race. He doubted whether there was anything to prove they +were particularly short-lived. Soon after this, he handed me a list +he had drawn up. I cannot lay my hand upon it at this moment, but I +remember that Metastasio was the oldest of them all. He died at the +age of eighty-four. I have had some tables made out, which I have +every reason to believe are correct so far as they go. From these, +it appears that twenty English poets lived to the average age of +fifty-six years and a little over. The eight American poets on the +list averaged seventy-three and a half, nearly, and they are not all +dead yet. The list including Greek, Latin, Italian, and German +poets, with American and English, gave an average of a little over +sixty-two years. Our young poets need not be alarmed. They can +remember that Bryant lived to be eighty-three years old, that +Longfellow reached seventy-five and Halleck seventy-seven, while +Whittier is living at the age of nearly eighty-two. Tennyson is +still writing at eighty, and Browning reached the age of seventy- +seven. + +Shall a man who in his younger days has written poetry, or what +passed for it, continue to attempt it in his later years? Certainly, +if it amuses or interests him, no one would object to his writing in +verse as much as he likes. Whether he should continue to write for +the public is another question. Poetry is a good deal a matter of +heart-beats, and the circulation is more languid in the later period +of life. The joints are less supple; the arteries are more or less +"ossified." Something like these changes has taken place in the +mind. It has lost the flexibility, the plastic docility, which it +had in youth and early manhood, when the gristle had but just become +hardened into bone. It is the nature of poetry to writhe itself +along through the tangled growths of the vocabulary, as a snake winds +through the grass, in sinuous, complex, and unexpected curves, which +crack every joint that is not supple as india-rubber. + +I had a poem that I wanted to print just here. But after what I have +this moment said, I hesitated, thinking that I might provoke the +obvious remark that I exemplified the unfitness of which I had been +speaking. I remembered the advice I had given to a poetical aspirant +not long since, which I think deserves a paragraph to itself. + +My friend, I said, I hope you will not write in verse. When you +write in prose you say what you mean. When you write in rhyme you +say what you must. + +Should I send this poem to the publishers, or not? + + "Some said, 'John, print it;' others said, 'Not so.'" + +I did not ask "some" or "others." Perhaps I should have thought it +best to keep my poem to myself and the few friends for whom it was +written. All at once, my daimon--that other Me over whom I button my +waistcoat when I button it over my own person--put it into my head to +look up the story of Madame Saqui. She was a famous danseuse, who +danced Napoleon in and out, and several other dynasties besides. Her +last appearance was at the age of seventy-six, which is rather late +in life for the tight rope, one of her specialties. Jules Janin +mummified her when she died in 1866, at the age of eighty. He spiced +her up in his eulogy as if she had been the queen of a modern +Pharaoh. His foamy and flowery rhetoric put me into such a state of +good-nature that I said, I will print my poem, and let the critical +Gil Blas handle it as he did the archbishop's sermon, or would have +done, if he had been a writer for the "Salamanca Weekly." + +It must be premised that a very beautiful loving cup was presented to +me on my recent birthday, by eleven ladies of my acquaintance. This +was the most costly and notable of all the many tributes I received, +and for which in different forms I expressed my gratitude. + + + TO THE ELEVEN LADIES + +WHO PRESENTED ME WITH A SILVER LOVING CUP ON THE + TWENTY-NINTH OF AUGUST, M DCCC LXXXIX. + +"Who gave this cup?" The secret thou wouldst steal +Its brimming flood forbids it to reveal: +No mortal's eye shall read it till he first +Cool the red throat of thirst. + +If on the golden floor one draught remain, +Trust me, thy careful search will be in vain; +Not till the bowl is emptied shalt thou know +The names enrolled below. + +Deeper than Truth lies buried in her well +Those modest names the graven letters spell +Hide from the sight; but, wait, and thou shalt see +Who the good angels be + +Whose bounty glistens in the beauteous gift +That friendly hands to loving lips shall lift: +Turn the fair goblet when its floor is dry, +Their names shall meet thine eye. + +Count thou their number on the beads of Heaven, +Alas! the clustered Pleiads are but seven; +Nay, the nine sister Muses are too few,-- +The Graces must add two. + +"For whom this gift?" For one who all too long +Clings to his bough among the groves of song; +Autumn's last leaf, that spreads its faded wing +To greet a second spring. + +Dear friends, kind friends, whate'er the cup may hold, +Bathing its burnished depths, will change to gold +Its last bright drop let thirsty Maenads drain, +Its fragrance will remain. + +Better love's perfume in the empty bowl +Than wine's nepenthe for the aching soul +Sweeter than song that ever poet sung, +It makes an old heart young! + + + +III + +After the reading of the paper which was reported in the preceding +number of this record, the company fell into talk upon the subject +with which it dealt. + +The Mistress. "I could have wished you had said more about the +religious attitude of old age as such. Surely the thoughts of aged +persons must be very much taken up with the question of what is to +become of them. I should like to have The Dictator explain himself a +little more fully on this point." + +My dear madam, I said, it is a delicate matter to talk about. You +remember Mr. Calhoun's response to the advances of an over-zealous +young clergyman who wished to examine him as to his outfit for the +long journey. I think the relations between man and his Maker grow +more intimate, more confidential, if I may say so, with advancing +years. The old man is less disposed to argue about special matters +of belief, and more ready to sympathize with spiritually minded +persons without anxious questioning as to the fold to which they +belong. That kindly judgment which he exercises with regard to +others he will, naturally enough, apply to himself. The caressing +tone in which the Emperor Hadrian addresses his soul is very much +like that of an old person talking with a grandchild or some other +pet: + "Animula, vagula, blandula, + Hospes comesque corporis." + + "Dear little, flitting, pleasing sprite, + The body's comrade and its guest." + +How like the language of Catullus to Lesbia's sparrow! + + +More and more the old man finds his pleasures in memory, as the +present becomes unreal and dreamlike, and the vista of his earthly +future narrows and closes in upon him. At last, if he live long +enough, life comes to be little more than a gentle and peaceful +delirium of pleasing recollections. To say, as Dante says, that +there is no greater grief than to remember past happiness in the hour +of misery is not giving the whole truth. In the midst of the misery, +as many would call it, of extreme old age, there is often a divine +consolation in recalling the happy moments and days and years of +times long past. So beautiful are the visions of bygone delight that +one could hardly wish them to become real, lest they should lose +their ineffable charm. I can almost conceive of a dozing and dreamy +centenarian saying to one he loves, "Go, darling, go! Spread your +wings and leave me. So shall you enter that world of memory where +all is lovely. I shall not hear the sound of your footsteps any +more, but you will float before me, an aerial presence. I shall not +hear any word from your lips, but I shall have a deeper sense of your +nearness to me than speech can give. I shall feel, in my still +solitude, as the Ancient Mariner felt when the seraph band gathered +before him: + + "'No voice did they impart + No voice; but oh! the silence sank + Like music on my heart.'" + +I said that the lenient way in which the old look at the failings of +others naturally leads them to judge themselves more charitably. +They find an apology for their short-comings and wrong-doings in +another consideration. They know very well that they are not the +same persons as the middle-aged individuals, the young men, the boys, +the children, that bore their names, and whose lives were continuous +with theirs. Here is an old man who can remember the first time he +was allowed to go shooting. What a remorseless young destroyer he +was, to be sure! Wherever he saw a feather, wherever a poor little +squirrel showed his bushy tail, bang! went the old "king's arm," and +the feathers or the fur were set flying like so much chaff. Now that +same old man,--the mortal that was called by his name and has passed +for the same person for some scores of years,--is considered absurdly +sentimental by kind-hearted women, because he opens the fly-trap and +sets all its captives free,--out-of-doors, of course, but the dear +souls all insisting, meanwhile, that the flies will, every one of +them, be back again in the house before the day is over. Do you +suppose that venerable sinner expects to be rigorously called to +account for the want of feeling he showed in those early years, when +the instinct of destruction, derived from his forest-roaming +ancestors, led him to acts which he now looks upon with pain and +aversion? + +"Senex" has seen three generations grow up, the son repeating the +virtues and the failings of the father, the grandson showing the same +characteristics as the father and grandfather. He knows that if such +or such a young fellow had lived to the next stage of life he would +very probably have caught up with his mother's virtues, which, like a +graft of a late fruit on an early apple or pear tree, do not ripen in +her children until late in the season. He has seen the successive +ripening of one quality after another on the boughs of his own life, +and he finds it hard to condemn himself for faults which only needed +time to fall off and be succeeded by better fruitage. I cannot help +thinking that the recording angel not only drops a tear upon many a +human failing, which blots it out forever, but that he hands many an +old record-book to the imp that does his bidding, and orders him to +throw that into the fire instead of the sinner for whom the little +wretch had kindled it. + +"And pitched him in after it, I hope," said Number Seven, who is in +some points as much of an optimist as any one among us, in spite of +the squint in his brain,--or in virtue of it, if you choose to have +it so. + +"I like Wordsworth's 'Matthew,'" said Number Five, "as well as any +picture of old age I remember." + +"Can you repeat it to us?" asked one of The Teacups. + +"I can recall two verses of it," said Number Five, and she recited +the two following ones. Number Five has a very sweet voice. The +moment she speaks all the faces turn toward her. I don't know what +its secret is, but it is a voice that makes friends of everybody. + + "'The sighs which Matthew heaved were sighs + Of one tired out with fun and madness; + The tears which came to Matthew's eyes + Were tears of light, the dew of gladness. + + "'Yet, sometimes, when the secret cup + Of still and serious thought went round, + It seemed as if he drank it up, + He felt with spirit so profound:' + +"This was the way in which Wordsworth paid his tribute to a + + "'Soul of God's best earthly mould.'" + +The sweet voice left a trance-like silence after it, which may have +lasted twenty heart-beats. Then I said, We all thank you for your +charming quotation. How much more wholesome a picture of humanity +than such stuff as the author of the "Night Thoughts" has left us: + + "Heaven's Sovereign saves all beings but Himself + That hideous sight, a naked human heart." + +Or the author of "Don Juan," telling us to look into + + "Man's heart, and view the hell that's there!" + +I hope I am quoting correctly, but I am more of a scholar in +Wordsworth than in Byron. Was Parson Young's own heart such a +hideous spectacle to himself? + +If it was, he had better have stripped off his surplice. No,--it was +nothing but the cant of his calling. In Byron it was a mood, and he +might have said just the opposite thing the next day, as he did in +his two descriptions of the Venus de' Medici. That picture of old +Matthew abides in the memory, and makes one think better of his kind. +What nobler tasks has the poet than to exalt the idea of manhood, and +to make the world we live in more beautiful? + +We have two or three young people with us who stand a fair chance of +furnishing us the element without which life and tea-tables alike are +wanting in interest. We are all, of course, watching them, and +curious to know whether we are to have a romance or not. Here is one +of them; others will show themselves presently. + +I cannot say just how old the Tutor is, but I do not detect a gray +hair in his head. My sight is not so good as it was, however, and he +may have turned the sharp corner of thirty, and even have left it a +year or two behind him. More probably he is still in the twenties, +--say twenty-eight or twenty-nine. He seems young, at any rate, +excitable, enthusiastic, imaginative, but at the same time reserved. +I am afraid that he is a poet. When I say "I am afraid," you wonder +what I mean by the expression. I may take another opportunity to +explain and justify it; I will only say now that I consider the Muse +the most dangerous of sirens to a young man who has his way to make +in the world. Now this young man, the Tutor, has, I believe, a +future before him. He was born for a philosopher,--so I read his +horoscope,--but he has a great liking for poetry and can write well +in verse. We have had a number of poems offered for our +entertainment, which I have commonly been requested to read. There +has been some little mystery about their authorship, but it is +evident that they are not all from the same hand. Poetry is as +contagious as measles, and if a single case of it break out in any +social circle, or in a school, there are certain to be a number of +similar cases, some slight, some serious, and now and then one so +malignant that the subject of it should be put on a spare diet of +stationery, say from two to three penfuls of ink and a half sheet of +notepaper per diem. If any of our poetical contributions are +presentable, the reader shall have a chance to see them. + +It must be understood that our company is not invariably made up of +the same persons. The Mistress, as we call her, is expected to be +always in her place. I make it a rule to be present. The Professor +is almost as sure to be at the table as I am. We should hardly know +what to do without Number Five. It takes a good deal of tact to +handle such a little assembly as ours, which is a republic on a small +scale, for all that they give me the title of Dictator, and Number +Five is a great help in every social emergency. She sees when a +discussion tends to become personal, and heads off the threatening +antagonists. She knows when a subject has been knocking about long +enough and dexterously shifts the talk to another track. It is true +that I am the one most frequently appealed to as the highest tribunal +in doubtful cases, but I often care more for Number Five's opinion +than I do for my own. Who is this Number Five, so fascinating, so +wise, so full of knowledge, and so ready to learn? She is suspected +of being the anonymous author of a book which produced a sensation +when published, not very long ago, and which those who read are very +apt to read a second time, and to leave on their tables for frequent +reference. But we have never asked her. I do not think she wants to +be famous. How she comes to be unmarried is a mystery to me; it must +be that she has found nobody worth caring enough for. I wish she +would furnish us with the romance which, as I said, our tea-table +needs to make it interesting. Perhaps the new-comer will make love +to her,--I should think it possible she might fancy him. + +And who is the new-comer? He is a Counsellor and a Politician. Has +a good war record. Is about forty-five years old, I conjecture. Is +engaged in a great law case just now. Said to be very eloquent. Has +an intellectual head, and the bearing of one who has commanded a +regiment or perhaps a brigade. Altogether an attractive person, +scholarly, refined has some accomplishments not so common as they +might be in the class we call gentlemen, with an accent on the word. + +There is also a young Doctor, waiting for his bald spot to come, so +that he may get into practice. + +We have two young ladies at the table,--the English girl referred to +in a former number, and an American girl of about her own age. Both +of them are students in one of those institutions--I am not sure +whether they call it an "annex" or not; but at any rate one of those +schools where they teach the incomprehensible sort of mathematics and +other bewildering branches of knowledge above the common level of +high-school education. They seem to be good friends, and form a very +pleasing pair when they walk in arm in arm; nearly enough alike to +seem to belong together, different enough to form an agreeable +contrast. + +Of course we were bound to have a Musician at our table, and we have +one who sings admirably, and accompanies himself, or one or more of +our ladies, very frequently. + +Such is our company when the table is full. But sometimes only half +a dozen, or it may be only three or four, are present. At other +times we have a visitor or two, either in the place of one of our +habitual number, or in addition to it. We have the elements, we +think, of a pleasant social gathering,--different sexes, ages, +pursuits, and tastes,--all that is required for a "symphony concert" +of conversation. One of the curious questions which might well be +asked by those who had been with us on different occasions would be, +"How many poets are there among you?" Nobody can answer this +question. It is a point of etiquette with us not to press our +inquiries about these anonymous poems too sharply, especially if any +of them betray sentiments which would not bear rough handling. + +I don't doubt that the different personalities at our table will get +mixed up in the reader's mind if be is not particularly clear-headed. +That happens very often, much oftener than all would be willing to +confess, in reading novels and plays. I am afraid we should get a +good deal confused even in reading our Shakespeare if we did not look +back now and then at the dramatis personae. I am sure that I am very +apt to confound the characters in a moderately interesting novel; +indeed, I suspect that the writer is often no better off than the +reader in the dreary middle of the story, when his characters have +all made their appearance, and before they have reached near enough +to the denoument to have fixed their individuality by the position +they have arrived at in the chain of the narrative. + +My reader might be a little puzzled when he read that Number Five did +or said such or such a thing, and ask, "Whom do you mean by that +title? I am not quite sure that I remember." Just associate her with +that line of Emerson, + + "Why nature loves the number five," + +and that will remind you that she is the favorite of our table. + +You cannot forget who Number Seven is if I inform you that he +specially prides himself on being a seventh son of a seventh son. +The fact of such a descent is supposed to carry wonderful endowments +with it. Number Seven passes for a natural healer. He is looked +upon as a kind of wizard, and is lucky in living in the nineteenth +century instead of the sixteenth or earlier. How much confidence he +feels in himself as the possessor of half-supernatural gifts I cannot +say. I think his peculiar birthright gives him a certain confidence +in his whims and fancies which but for that he would hardly feel. +After this explanation, when I speak of Number Five or Number Seven, +you will know to whom I refer. + +The company are very frank in their criticisms of each other. "I did +not like that expression of yours, planetary foundlings," said the +Mistress. "It seems to me that it is too like atheism for a good +Christian like you to use." + +Ah, my dear madam, I answered, I was thinking of the elements and the +natural forces to which man was born an almost helpless subject in +the rudimentary stages of his existence, and from which he has only +partially got free after ages upon ages of warfare with their +tyranny. Think what hunger forced the caveman to do! Think of the +surly indifference of the storms that swept the forest and the +waters, the earthquake chasms that engulfed him, the inundations that +drowned him out of his miserable hiding-places, the pestilences that +lay in wait for him, the unequal strife with ferocious animals! +I need not sum up all the wretchedness that goes to constitute the +"martyrdom of man." When our forefathers came to this wilderness as +it then was, and found everywhere the bones of the poor natives who +had perished in the great plague (which our Doctor there thinks was +probably the small-pox), they considered this destructive malady as a +special mark of providential favor for them. How about the miserable +Indians? Were they anything but planetary foundlings? No! +Civilization is a great foundling hospital, and fortunate are all +those who get safely into the creche before the frost or the malaria +has killed them, the wild beasts or the venomous reptiles worked out +their deadly appetites and instincts upon them. The very idea of +humanity seems to be that it shall take care of itself and develop +its powers in the "struggle for life." Whether we approve it or not, +if we can judge by the material record, man was born a foundling, and +fought his way as he best might to that kind of existence which we +call civilized,--one which a considerable part of the inhabitants of +our planet have reached. + +If you do not like the expression planetary foundlings, I have no +objection to your considering the race as put out to nurse. And what +a nurse Nature is! She gives her charge a hole in the rocks to live +in, ice for his pillow and snow for his blanket, in one part of the +world; the jungle for his bedroom in another, with the tiger for his +watch-dog, and the cobra as his playfellow. + +Well, I said, there may be other parts of the universe where there +are no tigers and no cobras. It is not quite certain that such +realms of creation are better off, on the whole, than this earthly +residence of ours, which has fought its way up to the development of +such centres of civilization as Athens and Rome, to such +personalities as Socrates, as Washington. + +"One of our company has been on an excursion among the celestial +bodies of our system, I understand," said the Professor. + +Number Five colored. "Nothing but a dream," she said. "The truth +is, I had taken ether in the evening for a touch of neuralgia, and it +set my imagination at work in a way quite unusual with me. I had +been reading a number of books about an ideal condition of society,-- +Sir Thomas Mores 'Utopia,' Lord Bacon's 'New Atlantis,' and another +of more recent date. I went to bed with my brain a good deal +excited, and fell into a deep slumber, in which I passed through some +experiences so singular that, on awaking, I put them down on paper. +I don't know that there is anything very original about the +experiences I have recorded, but I thought them worth preserving. +Perhaps you would not agree with me in that belief." + +"If Number Five will give us a chance to form our own judgment about +her dream or vision, I think we shall enjoy it," said the Mistress. +"She knows what will please The Teacups in the way of reading as well +as I do how many lumps of sugar the Professor wants in his tea and +how many I want in mine." + +The company was so urgent that Number Five sent up-stairs for her +paper. + +Number Five reads the story of her dream. + +It cost me a great effort to set down the words of the manuscript +from which I am reading. My dreams for the most part fade away so +soon after their occurrence that I cannot recall them at all. But in +this case my ideas held together with remarkable tenacity. By +keeping my mind steadily upon the work, I gradually unfolded the +narrative which follows, as the famous Italian antiquary opened one +of those fragile carbonized manuscripts found in the ruins of +Herculaneum or Pompeii. + +The first thing I remember about it is that I was floating upward, +without any sense of effort on my part. The feeling was that of +flying, which I have often had in dreams, as have many other persons. +It was the most natural thing in the world,--a semi-materialized +volition, if I may use such an expression. + +At the first moment of my new consciousness,--for I seemed to have +just emerged from a deep slumber, I was aware that there was a +companion at my side. Nothing could be more gracious than the way in +which this being accosted me. I will speak of it as she, because +there was a delicacy, a sweetness, a divine purity, about its aspect +that recalled my ideal of the loveliest womanhood. + +"I am your companion and your guide," this being made me understand, +as she looked at me. Some faculty of which I had never before been +conscious had awakened in me, and I needed no interpreter to explain +the unspoken language of my celestial attendant. + +"You are not yet outside of space and time," she said, "and I am +going with you through some parts of the phenomenal or apparent +universe,--what you call the material world. We have plenty of what +you call time before us, and we will take our voyage leisurely, +looking at such objects of interest as may attract our attention as +we pass. The first thing you will naturally wish to look at will be +the earth you have just left. This is about the right distance," she +said, and we paused in our flight. + +The great globe we had left was rolling beneath us. No eye of one in +the flesh could see it as I saw or seemed to see it. No ear of any +mortal being could bear the sounds that came from it as I heard or +seemed to hear them. The broad oceans unrolled themselves before me. +I could recognize the calm Pacific and the stormy Atlantic,--the +ships that dotted them, the white lines where the waves broke on the +shore,--frills on the robes of the continents,--so they looked to +my woman's perception; the--vast South American forests; the +glittering icebergs about the poles; the snowy mountain ranges, here +and there a summit sending up fire and smoke; mighty rivers, dividing +provinces within sight of each other, and making neighbors of realms +thousands of miles apart; cities; light-houses to insure the safety +of sea-going vessels, and war-ships to knock them to pieces and sink +them. All this, and infinitely more, showed itself to me during a +single revolution of the sphere: twenty-four hours it would have +been, if reckoned by earthly measurements of time. I have not spoken +of the sounds I heard while the earth was revolving under us. The +howl of storms, the roar and clash of waves, the crack and crash of +the falling thunderbolt,--these of course made themselves heard as +they do to mortal ears. But there were other sounds which enchained +my attention more than these voices of nature. As the skilled leader +of an orchestra hears every single sound from each member of the mob +of stringed and wind instruments, and above all the screech of the +straining soprano, so my sharpened perceptions made what would have +been for common mortals a confused murmur audible to me as compounded +of innumerable easily distinguished sounds. Above them all arose one +continued, unbroken, agonizing cry. It was the voice of suffering +womanhood, a sound that goes up day and night, one long chorus of +tortured victims. + +"Let us get out of reach of this," I said; and we left our planet, +with its blank, desolate moon staring at it, as if it had turned pale +at the sights and sounds it had to witness. + +Presently the gilded dome of the State House, which marked our +starting-point, came into view for the second time, and I knew that +this side-show was over. I bade farewell to the Common with its +Cogswell fountain, and the Garden with its last awe-inspiring +monument. + +"Oh, if I could sometimes revisit these beloved scenes! "I exclaimed. + +"There is nothing to hinder that I know of," said my companion. +"Memory and imagination as you know them in the flesh are two winged +creatures with strings tied to their legs, and anchored to a bodily +weight of a hundred and fifty pounds, more or less. When the string +is cut you can be where you wish to be,--not merely a part of you, +leaving the rest behind, but the whole of you. Why shouldn't you +want to revisit your old home sometimes?" + +I was astonished at the human way in which my guide conversed with +me. It was always on the basis of my earthly habits, experiences, +and limitations. "Your solar system," she said, "is a very small +part of the universe, but you naturally feel a curiosity about the +bodies which constitute it and about their inhabitants. There is +your moon: a bare and desolate-looking place it is, and well it may +be, for it has no respirable atmosphere, and no occasion for one. +The Lunites do not breathe; they live without waste and without +supply. You look as if you do not understand this. Yet your people +have, as you well know, what they call incandescent lights +everywhere. You would have said there can be no lamp without oil or +gas, or other combustible substance, to feed it; and yet you see a +filament which sheds a light like that of noon all around it, and +does not waste at all. So the Lunites live by influx of divine +energy, just as the incandescent lamp glows,--glows, and is not +consumed; receiving its life, if we may call it so, from the central +power, which wears the unpleasant name of 'dynamo.'" + +The Lunites appeared to me as pale phosphorescent figures of ill- +defined outline, lost in their own halos, as it were. I could not +help thinking of Shelley's + + "maiden + With white fire laden." + +But as the Lunites were after all but provincials, as are the tenants +of all the satellites, I did not care to contemplate them for any +great length of time. + +I do not remember much about the two planets that came next to our +own, except the beautiful rosy atmosphere of one and the huge bulk of +the other. Presently, we found ourselves within hailing distance of +another celestial body, which I recognized at once, by the rings +which girdled it, as the planet Saturn. A dingy, dull-looking sphere +it was in its appearance. "We will tie up here for a while," said my +attendant. The easy, familiar way in which she spoke surprised and +pleased me. + +Why, said I,--The Dictator,--what is there to prevent beings of +another order from being as cheerful, as social, as good companions, +as the very liveliest of God's creatures whom we have known in the +flesh? Is it impossible for an archangel to smile? Is such a +phenomenon as a laugh never heard except in our little sinful corner +of the universe? Do you suppose, that when the disciples heard from +the lips of their Master the play of words on the name of Peter, +there was no smile of appreciation on the bearded faces of those holy +men? From any other lips we should have called this pleasantry a + +Number Five shook her head very slightly, and gave me a look that +seemed to say, "Don't frighten the other Teacups. We don't call +things by the names that belong to them when we deal with celestial +subjects." + +We tied up, as my attendant playfully called our resting, so near the +planet that I could know--I will not say see and hear, but apprehend +--all that was going on in that remote sphere; remote, as we who live +in what we have been used to consider the centre of the rational +universe regard it. What struck me at once was the deadness of +everything I looked upon. Dead, uniform color of surface and +surrounding atmosphere. Dead complexion of all the inhabitants. +Dead-looking trees, dead-looking grass, no flowers to be seen +anywhere. + +"What is the meaning of all this?" I said to my guide. + +She smiled good-naturedly, and replied, "It is a forlorn home for +anything above a lichen or a toadstool; but that is no wonder, when +you know what the air is which they breathe. It is pure nitrogen." + +The Professor spoke up. "That can't be, madam," he said. "The +spectroscope shows the atmosphere of Saturn to be--no matter, I have +forgotten what; but it was not pure nitrogen, at any rate." + +Number Five is never disconcerted. "Will you tell me," she said, +"where you have found any account of the bands and lines in the +spectrum of dream-nitrogen? I should be so pleased to become +acquainted with them." + +The Professor winced a little, and asked Delilah, the handmaiden, to +pass a plate of muffins to him. The dream had carried him away, and +he thought for the moment that he was listening to a scientific +paper. + +Of course, my companion went on to say, the bodily constitution of +the Saturnians is wholly different from that of air-breathing, that +is oxygen-breathing, human beings. They are the dullest, slowest, +most torpid of mortal creatures. + +All this is not to be wondered at when you remember the inert +characteristics of nitrogen. There are in some localities natural +springs which give out slender streams of oxygen. You will learn by +and by what use the Saturnians make of this dangerous gas, which, as +you recollect, constitutes about one fifth of your own atmosphere. +Saturn has large lead mines, but no other metal is found on this +planet. The inhabitants have nothing else to make tools of, except +stones and shells. The mechanical arts have therefore made no great +progress among them. Chopping down a tree with a leaden axe is +necessarily a slow process. + +So far as the Saturnians can be said to have any pride in anything, +it is in the absolute level which characterizes their political and +social order. They profess to be the only true republicans in the +solar system. The fundamental articles of their Constitution are +these: + +All Saturnians are born equal, live equal, and die equal. + +All Saturnians are born free,--free, that is, to obey the rules laid +down for the regulation of their conduct, pursuits, and opinions, +free to be married to the person selected for them by the +physiological section of the government, and free to die at such +proper period of life as may best suit the convenience and general +welfare of the community. + + +The one great industrial product of Saturn is the bread-root. The +Saturnians find this wholesome and palatable enough; and it is well +they do, as they have no other vegetable. It is what I should call a +most uninteresting kind of eatable, but it serves as food and drink, +having juice enough, so that they get along without water. They have +a tough, dry grass, which, matted together, furnishes them with +clothes sufficiently warm for their cold-blooded constitutions, and +more than sufficiently ugly. + +A piece of ground large enough to furnish bread-root for ten persons +is allotted to each head of a household, allowance being made for the +possible increase of families. This, however, is not a very +important consideration, as the Saturnians are not a prolific race. +The great object of life being the product of the largest possible +quantity of bread-roots, and women not being so capable in the fields +as the stronger sex, females are considered an undesirable addition +to society. The one thing the Saturnians dread and abhor is +inequality. The whole object of their laws and customs is to +maintain the strictest equality in everything,--social relations, +property, so far as they can be said to have anything which can be so +called, mode of living, dress, and all other matters. It is their +boast that nobody ever starved under their government. Nobody goes +in rags, for the coarse-fibred grass from which they fabricate their +clothes is very durable. (I confess I wondered how a woman could +live in Saturn. They have no looking-glasses. There is no such +article as a ribbon known among them. All their clothes are of one +pattern. I noticed that there were no pockets in any of their +garments, and learned that a pocket would be considered prima facie +evidence of theft, as no honest person would have use for such a +secret receptacle.) Before the revolution which established the +great law of absolute and lifelong equality, the inhabitants used to +feed at their own private tables. Since the regeneration of society +all meals are taken in common. The last relic of barbarism was the +use of plates,--one or even more to each individual. This "odious +relic of an effete civilization," as they called it, has long been +superseded by oblong hollow receptacles, one of which is allotted to +each twelve persons. A great riot took place when an attempt was +made by some fastidious and exclusive egotists to introduce +partitions which should partially divide one portion of these +receptacles into individual compartments. The Saturnians boast that +they have no paupers, no thieves, none of those fictitious values +called money,--all which things, they hear, are known in that small +Saturn nearer the sun than the great planet which is their dwelling- +place. + +"I suppose that now they have levelled everything they are quiet and +contented. Have they any of those uneasy people called reformers?" + +"Indeed they have," said my attendant. "There are the +Orthobrachians, who declaim against the shameful abuse of the left +arm and hand, and insist on restoring their perfect equality with the +right. Then there are Isopodic societies, which insist on bringing +back the original equality of the upper and lower limbs. If you can +believe it, they actually practise going on all fours,--generally in +a private way, a few of them together, but hoping to bring the world +round to them in the near future." + +Here I had to stop and laugh. + +"I should think life might be a little dull in Saturn," I said. + +"It is liable to that accusation," she answered. "Do you notice how +many people you meet with their mouths stretched wide open?" + +"Yes," I said, "and I do not know what to make of it. I should think +every fourth or fifth person had his mouth open in that way." + +"They are suffering from the endemic disease of their planet, +prolonged and inveterate gaping or yawning, which has ended in +dislocation of the lower jaw. After a time this becomes fixed, and +requires a difficult surgical operation to restore it to its place." + +It struck me that, in spite of their boast that they have no paupers, +no thieves, no money, they were a melancholy-looking set of beings. + +"What are their amusements?" I asked. + +"Intoxication and suicide are their chief recreations. They have a +way of mixing the oxygen which issues in small jets from certain +natural springs with their atmospheric nitrogen in the proportion of +about twenty per cent, which makes very nearly the same thing as the +air of your planet. But to the Saturnians the mixture is highly +intoxicating, and is therefore a relief to the monotony of their +every-day life. This mixture is greatly sought after, but hard to +obtain, as the sources of oxygen are few and scanty. It shortens the +lives of those who have recourse to it; but if it takes too long, +they have other ways of escaping from a life which cuts and dries +everything for its miserable subjects, defeats all the natural +instincts, confounds all individual characteristics, and makes +existence such a colossal bore, as your worldly people say, that +self-destruction becomes a luxury." + + +Number Five stopped here. + +Your imaginary wholesale Shakerdom is all very fine, said I. Your +Utopia, your New Atlantis, and the rest are pretty to look at. But +your philosophers are treating the world of living souls as if they +were, each of them, playing a game of solitaire,--all the pegs and +all the holes alike. Life is a very different sort of game. It is a +game of chess, and not of solitaire, nor even of checkers. The men +are not all pawns, but you have your knights, bishops, rooks,--yes, +your king and queen,--to be provided for. Not with these names, of +course, but all looking for their proper places, and having their own +laws and modes of action. You can play solitaire with the members of +your own family for pegs, if you like, and if none of them rebel. +You can play checkers with a little community of meek, like-minded +people. But when it comes to the handling of a great state, you will +find that nature has emptied a box of chessmen before you, and you +must play with them so as to give each its proper move, or sweep them +off the board, and come back to the homely game such as I used to see +played with beans and kernels of corn on squares marked upon the back +of the kitchen bellows. + +It was curious to see how differently Number Five's narrative was +received by the different listeners in our circle. Number Five +herself said she supposed she ought to be ashamed of its absurdities, +but she did not know that it was much sillier than dreams often are, +and she thought it might amuse the company. She was herself always +interested by these ideal pictures of society. But it seemed to her +that life must be dull in any of them, and with that idea in her head +her dreaming fancy had drawn these pictures. + +The Professor was interested in her conception of the existence of +the Lunites without waste, and the death in life of the nitrogen- +breathing Saturnians. Dream-chemistry was a new subject to him. +Perhaps Number Five would give him some lessons in it. + +At this she smiled, and said she was afraid she could not teach him +anything, but if he would answer a few questions in matter-of-fact +chemistry which had puzzled her she would be vastly obliged to him. + +"You must come to my laboratory," said the Professor. + +"I will come to-morrow," said Number Five. + +Oh, yes! Much laboratory work they will do! Play of mutual +affinities. Amalgamates. No freezing mixtures, I'll warrant + +Why shouldn't we get a romance out of all this, hey? + +But Number Five looks as innocent as a lamb, and as brave as a lion. +She does not care a copper for the looks that are going round The +Teacups. + +Our Doctor was curious about those cases of anchylosis, as he called +it, of the lower jaw. He thought it a quite possible occurrence. +Both the young girls thought the dream gave a very hard view of the +optimists, who look forward to a reorganization of society which +shall rid mankind of the terrible evils of over-crowding and +competition. + +Number Seven was quite excited about the matter. He had himself +drawn up a plan for a new social arrangement. He had shown it to the +legal gentleman who has lately joined us. This gentleman thought it +well-intended, but that it would take one constable to every three +inhabitants to enforce its provisions. + +I said the dream could do no harm; it was too outrageously improbable +to come home to anybody's feelings. Dreams were like broken +mosaics,--the separated stones might here and there make parts of +pictures. If one found a caricature of himself made out of the +pieces which had accidentally come together, he would smile at it, +knowing that it was an accidental effect with no malice in it. If +any of you really believe in a working Utopia, why not join the +Shakers, and convert the world to this mode of life? Celibacy alone +would cure a great many of the evils you complain of. + +I thought this suggestion seemed to act rather unfavorably upon the +ladies of our circle. The two Annexes looked inquiringly at each +other. Number Five looked smilingly at them. She evidently thought +it was time to change the subject of conversation, for she turned to +me and said, "You promised to read us the poem you read before your +old classmates the other evening." + +I will fulfill my promise, I said. We felt that this might probably +be our last meeting as a Class. The personal reference is to our +greatly beloved and honored classmate, James Freeman Clarke. + + +AFTER THE CURFEW. + +The Play is over. While the light +Yet lingers in the darkening hall, + +I come to say a last Good-night +Before the final Exeunt all. + +We gathered once, a joyous throng: +The jovial toasts went gayly round; +With jest, and laugh, and shout, and song +we made the floors and walls resound. + +We come with feeble steps and slow, +A little band of four or five, +Left from the wrecks of long ago, +Still pleased to find ourselves alive. + +Alive! How living, too, are they +whose memories it is ours to share! +Spread the long table's full array, +There sits a ghost in every chair! + +One breathing form no more, alas! +Amid our slender group we see; +With him we still remained "The Class," +without his presence what are we? + +The hand we ever loved to clasp, +That tireless hand which knew no rest, +Loosed from affection's clinging grasp, +Lies nerveless on the peaceful breast. + +The beaming eye, the cheering voice, +That lent to life a generous glow, +whose every meaning said "Rejoice," +we see, we hear, no more below. + +The air seems darkened by his loss, +Earth's shadowed features look less fair, +And heavier weighs the daily cross +His willing shoulders helped as bear. + +Why mourn that we, the favored few + +Whom grasping Time so long has spared +Life's sweet illusions to pursue, +The common lot of age have shared? + +In every pulse of Friendship's heart +There breeds unfelt a throb of pain, +One hour must rend its links apart, +Though years on years have forged the chain. + +So ends "The Boys,"--a lifelong play. +We too must hear the Prompter's call +To fairer scenes and brighter day +Farewell! I let the curtain fall. + + + + +IV + +If the reader thinks that all these talking Teacups came together by +mere accident, as people meet at a boarding-house, I may as well tell +him at once that he is mistaken. If he thinks I am going to explain +how it is that he finds them thus brought together, whether they form +a secret association, whether they are the editors of this or that +periodical, whether they are connected with some institution, and so +on,--I must disappoint him. It is enough that he finds them in each +other's company, a very mixed assembly, of different sexes, ages, and +pursuits; and if there is a certain mystery surrounds their meetings, +he must not be surprised. Does he suppose we want to be known and +talked about in public as "Teacups"? No; so far as we give to the +community some records of the talks at our table our thoughts become +public property, but the sacred personality of every Teacup must be +properly respected. If any wonder at the presence of one of our +number, whose eccentricities might seem to render him an undesirable +associate of the company, he should remember that some people may +have relatives whom they feel bound to keep their eye on; besides the +cracked Teacup brings out the ring of the sound ones as nothing else +does. Remember also that soundest teacup does not always hold the +best tea, or the cracked teacup the worst. + +This is a hint to the reader, who is not expected to be too curious +about the individual Teacups constituting our unorganized +association. + + +The Dictator Discourses. + +I have been reading Balzac's Peau de Chagrin. You have all read the +story, I hope, for it is the first of his wonderful romances which +fixed the eyes of the reading world upon him, and is a most +fascinating if somewhat fantastic tale. A young man becomes the +possessor of a certain magic skin, the peculiarity of which is that, +while it gratifies every wish formed by its possessor, it shrinks in +all its dimensions each time that a wish is gratified. The young man +makes every effort to ascertain the cause of its shrinking; invokes +the aid of the physicist, the chemist, the student of natural +history, but all in vain. He draws a red line around it. That same +day he indulges a longing for a certain object. The next morning +there is a little interval between the red line and the skin, close +to which it was traced. So always, so inevitably. As he lives on, +satisfying one desire, one passion, after another, the process of +shrinking continues. A mortal disease sets in, which keeps pace with +the shrinking skin, and his life and his talisman come to an end +together. + +One would say that such a piece of integument was hardly a desirable +possession. And yet, how many of us have at this very moment a peau +de chagrin of our own, diminishing with every costly wish indulged, +and incapable, like the magical one of the story, of being arrested +in its progress + +Need I say that I refer to those coupon bonds, issued in the days of +eight and ten per cent interest, and gradually narrowing as they drop +their semiannual slips of paper, which represent wishes to be +realized, as the roses let fall their leaves in July, as the icicles +melt away in the thaw of January? + +How beautiful was the coupon bond, arrayed in its golden raiment of +promises to pay at certain stated intervals, for a goodly number of +coming years! What annual the horticulturist can show will bear +comparison with this product of auricultural industry, which has +flowered in midsummer and midwinter for twenty successive seasons? +And now the last of its blossoms is to be plucked, and the bare stem, +stripped of its ever maturing and always welcome appendages, is +reduced to the narrowest conditions of reproductive existence. Such +is the fate of the financial peau de chagrin. Pity the poor +fractional capitalist, who has just managed to live on the eight per +cent of his coupon bonds. The shears of Atropos were not more fatal +to human life than the long scissors which cut the last coupon to the +lean proprietor, whose slice of dry toast it served to flatter with +oleomargarine. Do you wonder that my thoughts took the poetical +form, in the contemplation of these changes and their melancholy +consequences? If the entire poem, of several hundred lines, was +"declined with thanks" by an unfeeling editor, that is no reason why +you should not hear a verse or two of it. + + + THE PEAU DE CHAGRIN OF STATE STREET. + + How beauteous is the bond + In the manifold array + Of its promises to pay, + While the eight per cent it gives + And the rate at which one lives + Correspond! + + But at last the bough is bare + Where the coupons one by one + Through their ripening days have run, + And the bond, a beggar now, + Seeks investment anyhow, + Anywhere! + +The Mistress commonly contents herself with the general supervision +of the company, only now and then taking an active part in the +conversation. She started a question the other evening which set +some of us thinking. + +"Why is it," she said, "that there is so common and so intense a +desire for poetical reputation? It seems to me that, if I were a +man, I had rather have done something worth telling of than make +verses about what other people had done." + +"You agree with Alexander the Great," said the Professor. "You would +prefer the fame of Achilles to that of Homer, who told the story of +his wrath and its direful consequences. I am afraid that I should +hardly agree with you. Achilles was little better than a Choctaw +brave. I won't quote Horace's line which characterizes him so +admirably, for I will take it for granted that you all know it. He +was a gentleman,--so is a first-class Indian,--a very noble gentleman +in point of courage, lofty bearing, courtesy, but an unsoaped, ill- +clad, turbulent, high-tempered young fellow, looked up to by his +crowd very much as the champion of the heavy weights is looked up to +by his gang of blackguards. Alexander himself was not much better,-- +a foolish, fiery young madcap. How often is he mentioned except as a +warning? His best record is that he served to point a moral as +'Macedonian's madman.' He made a figure, it is true, in Dryden's +great Ode, but what kind of a figure? He got drunk,--in very bad +company, too,--and then turned fire-bug. He had one redeeming +point,--he did value his Homer, and slept with the Iliad under his +pillow. A poet like Homer seems to me worth a dozen such fellows as +Achilles and Alexander." + +"Homer is all very well far those that can read him," said Number +Seven, "but the fellows that tag verses together nowadays are mostly +fools. That's my opinion. I wrote some verses once myself, but I +had been sick and was very weak; hadn't strength enough to write in +prose, I suppose." + +This aggressive remark caused a little stir at our tea-table. For +you must know, if I have not told you already, there are suspicions +that we have more than one "poet" at our table. I have already +confessed that I do myself indulge in verse now and then, and have +given my readers a specimen of my work in that line. But there is so +much difference of character in the verses which are produced at our +table, without any signature, that I feel quite sure there are at +least two or three other contributors besides myself. There is a +tall, old-fashioned silver urn, a sugar-bowl of the period of the +Empire, in which the poems sent to be read are placed by unseen +hands. When the proper moment arrives, I lift the cover of the urn +and take out any manuscript it may contain. If conversation is going +on and the company are in a talking mood, I replace the manuscript or +manuscripts, clap on the cover, and wait until there is a moment's +quiet before taking it off again. I might guess the writers +sometimes by the handwriting, but there is more trouble taken to +disguise the chirography than I choose to take to identify it as that +of any particular member of our company. + +The turn the conversation took, especially the slashing onslaught of +Number Seven on the writers of verse, set me thinking and talking +about the matter. Number Five turned on the stream of my discourse +by a question. + +"You receive a good many volumes of verse, do you not?" she said, +with a look which implied that she knew I did. + +I certainly do, I answered. My table aches with them. My shelves +groan with them. Think of what a fuss Pope made about his trials, +when he complained that + + "All Bedlam or Parnassus is let out"! + +What were the numbers of the + + "Mob of gentlemen who wrote with ease" + +to that great multitude of contributors to our magazines, and authors +of little volumes--sometimes, alas! big ones--of verse, which pour +out of the press, not weekly, but daily, and at such a rate of +increase that it seems as if before long every hour would bring a +book, or at least an article which is to grow into a book by and by? + +I thanked Heaven, the other day, that I was not a critic. These +attenuated volumes of poetry in fancy bindings open their covers at +one like so many little unfledged birds, and one does so long to drop +a worm in,--a worm in the shape of a kind word for the poor +fledgling! But what a desperate business it is to deal with this +army of candidates for immortality! I have often had something to +say about them, and I may be saying over the same things; but if I do +not remember what I have said, it is not very likely that my reader +will; if he does, he will find, I am very sure, that I say it a +little differently. + +What astonishes me is that this enormous mass of commonplace verse, +which burdens the postman who brings it, which it is a serious task +only to get out of its wrappers and open in two or three places, is +on the whole of so good an average quality. The dead level of +mediocrity is in these days a table-land, a good deal above the old +sea-level of laboring incapacity. Sixty years ago verses made a +local reputation, which verses, if offered today to any of our first- +class magazines, would go straight into the waste-basket. To write +"poetry" was an art and mystery in which only a few noted men and a +woman or two were experts. + +When "Potter the ventriloquist," the predecessor of the well- +remembered Signor Blitz, went round giving his entertainments, there +was something unexplained, uncanny, almost awful, and beyond dispute +marvellous, in his performances. Those watches that disappeared and +came back to their owners, those endless supplies of treasures from +empty hats, and especially those crawling eggs that travelled all +over the magician's person, sent many a child home thinking that Mr. +Potter must have ghostly assistants, and raised grave doubts in the +minds of "professors," that is members of the church, whether they +had not compromised their characters by being seen at such an +unhallowed exhibition. Nowadays, a clever boy who has made a study +of parlor magic can do many of those tricks almost as well as the +great sorcerer himself. How simple it all seems when we have seen +the mechanism of the deception! + +It is just so with writing in verse. It was not understood that +everybody can learn to make poetry, just as they can learn the more +difficult tricks of juggling. M. Jourdain's discovery that he had +been speaking and writing prose all his life is nothing to that of +the man who finds out in middle life, or even later, that he might +have been writing poetry all his days, if he had only known how +perfectly easy and simple it is. Not everybody, it is true, has a +sufficiently good ear, a sufficient knowledge of rhymes and capacity +for handling them, to be what is called a poet. I doubt whether more +than nine out of ten, in the average, have that combination of gifts +required for the writing of readable verse. + +This last expression of opinion created a sensation among The +Teacups. They looked puzzled for a minute. One whispered to the +next Teacup, "More than nine out of ten! I should think that was a +pretty liberal allowance." + +Yes, I continued; perhaps ninety-nine in a hundred would come nearer +to the mark. I have sometimes thought I might consider it worth +while to set up a school for instruction in the art. "Poetry taught +in twelve lessons." Congenital idiocy is no disqualification. +Anybody can write "poetry." It is a most unenviable distinction to +leave published a thin volume of verse, which nobody wanted, nobody +buys, nobody reads, nobody cares for except the author, who cries +over its pathos, poor fellow, and revels in its beauties, which he +has all to himself. Come! who will be my pupils in a Course,--Poetry +taught in twelve lessons? That made a laugh, in which most of The +Teacups, myself included, joined heartily. Through it all I heard +the sweet tones of Number Five's caressing voice; not because it was +more penetrating or louder than the others, for it was low and soft, +but it was so different from the others, there was so much more +life,--the life of sweet womanhood,--dissolved in it. + +(Of course he will fall in love with her. "He? Who?" Why, the +newcomer, the Counsellor. Did I not see his eyes turn toward her as +the silvery notes rippled from her throat? Did they not follow her +in her movements, as she turned her tread this or that way? + +--What nonsense for me to be arranging matters between two people +strangers to each other before to-day!) + +"A fellow writes in verse when he has nothing to say, and feels too +dull and silly to say it in prose," said Number Seven. + +This made us laugh again, good-naturedly. I was pleased with a kind +of truth which it seemed to me to wrap up in its rather startling +affirmation. I gave a piece of advice the other day which I said I +thought deserved a paragraph to itself. It was from a letter I wrote +not long ago to an unknown young correspondent, who had a longing for +seeing himself in verse but was not hopelessly infatuated with the +idea that he was born a "poet." "When you write in prose," I said, +"you say what you mean. When you write in verse you say what you +must." I was thinking more especially of rhymed verse. Rhythm alone +is a tether, and not a very long one. But rhymes are iron fetters; +it is dragging a chain and ball to march under their incumbrance; it +is a clog-dance you are figuring in, when you execute your metrical +pas seul. Consider under what a disadvantage your thinking powers +are laboring when you are handicapped by the inexorable demands of +our scanty English rhyming vocabulary! You want to say something +about the heavenly bodies, and you have a beautiful line ending with +the word stars. Were you writing in prose, your imagination, your +fancy, your rhetoric, your musical ear for the harmonies of language, +would all have full play. But there is your rhyme fastening you by +the leg, and you must either reject the line which pleases you, or +you must whip your hobbling fancy and all your limping thoughts into +the traces which are hitched to one of three or four or half a dozen +serviceable words. You cannot make any use of cars, I will suppose; +you have no occasion to talk about scars; "the red planet Mars" has +been used already; Dibdin has said enough about the gallant tars; +what is there left for you but bars? So you give up your trains of +thought, capitulate to necessity, and manage to lug in some kind of +allusion, in place or out of place, which will allow you to make use +of bars. Can there be imagined a more certain process for breaking +up all continuity of thought, for taking out all the vigor, all the +virility, which belongs to natural prose as the vehicle of strong, +graceful, spontaneous thought, than this miserable subjugation of +intellect to the-clink of well or ill matched syllables? I think you +will smile if I tell you of an idea I have had about teaching the art +of writing "poems" to the half-witted children at the Idiot Asylum. +The trick of rhyming cannot be more usefully employed than in +furnishing a pleasant amusement to the poor feeble-minded children. +I should feel that I was well employed in getting up a Primer for the +pupils of the Asylum, and other young persons who are incapable of +serious thought and connected expression. I would start in the +simplest way; thus:-- + + When darkness veils the evening.... + I love to close my weary.... + +The pupil begins by supplying the missing words, which most children +who are able to keep out of fire and water can accomplish after a +certain number of trials. When the poet that is to be has got so as +to perform this task easily, a skeleton verse, in which two or three +words of each line are omitted, is given the child to fill up. By +and by the more difficult forms of metre are outlined, until at +length a feebleminded child can make out a sonnet, completely +equipped with its four pairs of rhymes in the first section and its +three pairs in the second part. + +Number Seven interrupted my discourse somewhat abruptly, as is his +wont; for we grant him a license, in virtue of his eccentricity, +which we should hardly expect to be claimed by a perfectly sound +Teacup. + +"That's the way,--that 's the way!" exclaimed he. "It's just the +same thing as my plan for teaching drawing." + +Some curiosity was shown among The Teacups to know what the queer +creature had got into his mind, and Number Five asked him, in her +irresistible tones, if he wouldn't oblige us by telling us all about +it. + +He looked at her a moment without speaking. I suppose he has often +been made fun of,--slighted in conversation, taken as a butt for +people who thought themselves witty, made to feel as we may suppose a +cracked piece of china-ware feels when it is clinked in the company +of sound bits of porcelain. I never saw him when he was carelessly +dealt with in conversation,--for it would sometimes happen, even at +our table,--without recalling some lines of Emerson which always +struck me as of wonderful force and almost terrible truthfulness:-- + + + "Alas! that one is born in blight, + Victim of perpetual slight + When thou lookest in his face + Thy heart saith, 'Brother, go thy ways + None shall ask thee what thou doest, + Or care a rush for what thou knowest, + Or listen when thou repliest, + Or remember where thou liest, + Or how thy supper is sodden;' + And another is born + To make the sun forgotten." + +Poor fellow! Number Seven has to bear a good deal in the way of +neglect and ridicule, I do not doubt. Happily, he is protected by an +amount of belief in himself which shields him from many assailants +who would torture a more sensitive nature. But the sweet voice of +Number Five and her sincere way of addressing him seemed to touch his +feelings. That was the meaning of his momentary silence, in which I +saw that his eyes glistened and a faint flush rose on his cheeks. In +a moment, however, as soon as he was on his hobby, he was all right, +and explained his new and ingenious system as follows: + +"A man at a certain distance appears as a dark spot,--nothing more. +Good. Anybody, man, woman, or child, can make a dot, say a period, +such as we use in writing. Lesson No. 1. Make a dot; that is, draw +your man, a mile off, if that is far enough. Now make him come a +little nearer, a few rods, say. The dot is an oblong figure now. +Good. Let your scholar draw the oblong figure. It is as easy as it +is to make a note of admiration. Your man comes nearer, and now some +hint of a bulbous enlargement at one end, and perhaps of lateral +appendages and a bifurcation, begins to show itself. The pupil sets +down with his pencil just what he sees,--no more. So by degrees the +man who serves as model approaches. A bright pupil will learn to get +the outline of a human figure in ten lessons, the model coming five +hundred feet nearer each time. A dull one may require fifty, the +model beginning a mile off, or more, and coming a hundred feet nearer +at each move." + +The company were amused by all this, but could not help seeing that +there was a certain practical possibility about the scheme. Our two +Annexes, as we call then, appeared to be interested in the project, +or fancy, or whim, or whatever the older heads might consider it. +"I guess I'll try it," said the American Annex. "Quite so," answered +the English Annex. Why the first girl "guessed" about her own +intentions it is hard to say. What "quite so" referred to it would +not be easy to determine. But these two expressions would decide the +nationality of our two young ladies if we met them on the top of the +great Pyramid. + +I was very glad that Number Seven had interrupted me. In fact, it is +a good thing once in a while to break in upon the monotony of a +steady talker at a dinner-table, tea-table, or any other place of +social converse. The best talker is liable to become the most +formidable of bores. It is a peculiarity of the bore that he is the +last person to find himself out. Many a terebrant I have known who, +in that capacity, to borrow a line from Coleridge, + + "Was great, nor knew how great he was." + +A line, by the way, which, as I have remarked, has in it a germ like +that famous "He builded better than he knew" of Emerson. + +There was a slight lull in the conversation. The Mistress, who keeps +an eye on the course of things, and feared that one of those panic +silences was impending, in which everybody wants to say something and +does not know just what to say, begged me to go on with my remarks +about the "manufacture" of "poetry." + +You use the right term, madam, I said. The manufacture of that +article has become an extensive and therefore an important branch of +industry. One must be an editor, which I am not, or a literary +confidant of a wide circle of correspondents, which I am, to have any +idea of the enormous output of verse which is characteristic of our +time. There are many curious facts connected with this phenomenon. +Educated people--yes, and many who are not educated--have discovered +that rhymes are not the private property of a few noted writers who, +having squatted on that part of the literary domain some twenty or +forty or sixty years ago, have, as it were, fenced it in with their +touchy, barbed-wire reputations, and have come to regard it and cause +it to be regarded as their private property. The discovery having +been made that rhyme is not a paddock for this or that race-horse, +but a common, where every colt, pony, and donkey can range at will; +a vast irruption into that once-privileged inclosure has taken place. +The study of the great invasion is interesting. + +Poetry is commonly thought to he the language of emotion. On the +contrary, most of what is so called proves the absence of all +passionate excitement. It is a cold-blooded, haggard, anxious, +worrying hunt after rhymes which can be made serviceable, after +images which will be effective, after phrases which are sonorous; all +this under limitations which restrict the natural movements of fancy +and imagination. There is a secondary excitement in overcoming the +difficulties of rhythm and rhyme, no doubt, but this is not the +emotional heat excited by the subject of the "poet's" treatment. +True poetry, the best of it, is but the ashes of a burnt-out passion. +The flame was in the eye and in the cheek, the coals may be still +burning in the heart, but when we come to the words it leaves behind +it, a little warmth, a cinder or two just glimmering under the dead +gray ashes,--that is all we can look for. When it comes to the +manufactured article, one is surprised to find how well the metrical +artisans have learned to imitate the real thing. They catch all the +phrases of the true poet. They imitate his metrical forms as a mimic +copies the gait of the person he is representing. + +Now I am not going to abuse "these same metre ballad-mongers," for +the obvious reason that, as all The Teacups know, I myself belong to +the fraternity. I don't think that this reason should hinder my +having my say about the ballad-mongering business. For the last +thirty years I have been in the habit of receiving a volume of poems +or a poem, printed or manuscript--I will not say daily, though I +sometimes receive more than one in a day, but at very short +intervals. I have been consulted by hundreds of writers of verse as +to the merit of their performances, and have often advised the +writers to the best of my ability. Of late I have found it +impossible to attempt to read critically all the literary +productions, in verse and in prose, which have heaped themselves on +every exposed surface of my library, like snowdrifts along the +railroad tracks,--blocking my literary pathway, so that I can hardly +find my daily papers. + +What is the meaning of this rush into rhyming of such a multitude of +people, of all ages, from the infant phenomenon to the oldest +inhabitant? + +Many of my young correspondents have told me in so many words, +"I want to be famous." Now it is true that of all the short cuts to +fame, in time of peace, there is none shorter than the road paved +with rhymes. Byron woke up one morning and found himself famous. +Still more notably did Rouget de l'Isle fill the air of France, nay, +the whole atmosphere of freedom all the world over, with his name +wafted on the wings of the Marseillaise, the work of a single night. +But if by fame the aspirant means having his name brought before and +kept before the public, there is a much cheaper way of acquiring that +kind of notoriety. Have your portrait taken as a "Wonderful Cure of +a Desperate Disease given up by all the Doctors." You will get a +fair likeness of yourself and a partial biographical notice, and have +the satisfaction, if not of promoting the welfare of the community, +at least that of advancing the financial interests of the benefactor +whose enterprise has given you your coveted notoriety. If a man +wants to be famous, he had much better try the advertising doctor +than the terrible editor, whose waste-basket is a maw which is as +insatiable as the temporary stomach of Jack the Giant-killer. + +"You must not talk so," said Number Five. "I know you don't mean any +wrong to the true poets, but you might be thought to hold them cheap, +whereas you value the gift in others,--in yourself too, I rather +think. There are a great many women,--and some men,--who write in +verse from a natural instinct which leads them to that form of +expression. If you could peep into the portfolio of all the +cultivated women among your acquaintances, you would be surprised, I +believe, to see how many of them trust their thoughts and feelings to +verse which they never think of publishing, and much of which never +meets any eyes but their own. Don't be cruel to the sensitive +natures who find a music in the harmonies of rhythm and rhyme which +soothes their own souls, if it reaches no farther." + +I was glad that Number Five spoke up as she did. Her generous +instinct came to the rescue of the poor poets just at the right +moment. Not that I meant to deal roughly with them, but the "poets" +I have been forced into relation with have impressed me with certain +convictions which are not flattering to the fraternity, and if my +judgments are not accompanied by my own qualifications, distinctions, +and exceptions, they may seem harsh to many readers. + + +Let me draw a picture which many a young man and woman, and some no +longer young, will recognize as the story of their own experiences. + + +--He is sitting alone with his own thoughts and memories. What is +that book he is holding? Something precious, evidently, for it is +bound in "tree calf," and there is gilding enough about it for a +birthday present. The reader seems to be deeply absorbed in its +contents, and at times greatly excited by what he reads; for his face +is flushed, his eyes glitter, and--there rolls a large tear down his +cheek. Listen to him; he is reading aloud in impassioned tones: + + And have I coined my soul in words for naught? + And must I, with the dim, forgotten throng + Of silent ghosts that left no earthly trace + To show they once had breathed this vital air, + Die out, of mortal memories? + +His voice is choked by his emotion. "How is it possible," he says to +himself, "that any one can read my 'Gaspings for Immortality' without +being impressed by their freshness, their passion, their beauty, +their originality?" Tears come to his relief freely,--so freely that +be has to push the precious volume out of the range of their +blistering shower. Six years ago "Gaspings for Immortality" was +published, advertised, praised by the professionals whose business it +is to boost their publishers' authors. A week and more it was seen +on the counters of the booksellers and at the stalls in the railroad +stations. Then it disappeared from public view. A few copies still +kept their place on the shelves of friends,--presentation copies, of +course, as there is no evidence that any were disposed of by sale; +and now, one might as well ask for the lost books of Livy as inquire +at a bookstore for "Gaspings for Immortality." + +The authors of these poems are all round us, men and women, and no +one with a fair amount of human sympathy in his disposition would +treat them otherwise than tenderly. Perhaps they do not need tender +treatment. How do you know that posterity may not resuscitate these +seemingly dead poems, and give their author the immortality for which +he longed and labored? It is not every poet who is at once +appreciated. Some will tell you that the best poets never are. Who +can say that you, dear unappreciated brother or sister, are not one +of those whom it is left for after times to discover among the wrecks +of the past, and hold up to the admiration of the world? + +I have not thought it necessary to put in all the interpellations, as +the French call them, which broke the course of this somewhat +extended series of remarks; but the comments of some of The Teacups +helped me to shape certain additional observations, and may seem to +the reader as of more significance than what I had been saying. + +Number Seven saw nothing but the folly and weakness of the "rhyming +cranks," as he called them. He thought the fellow that I had +described as blubbering over his still-born poems would have been +better occupied in earning his living in some honest way or other. +He knew one chap that published a volume of verses, and let his wife +bring up the wood for the fire by which he was writing. A fellow +says, "I am a poet!" and he thinks himself different from common +folks. He ought to be excused from military service. He might be +killed, and the world would lose the inestimable products of his +genius. "I believe some of 'em think," said Number Seven, "that they +ought not to be called upon to pay their taxes and their bills for +household expenses, like the rest of us." + +"If they would only study and take to heart Horace's 'Ars Poetica,'" +said the Professor, "it would be a great benefit to them and to the +world at large. I would not advise you to follow him too literally, +of course, for, as you will see, the changes that have taken place +since his time would make some of his precepts useless and some +dangerous, but the spirit of them is always instructive. This is the +way, somewhat modernized and accompanied by my running commentary, in +which he counsels a young poet: + +"'Don't try to write poetry, my boy, when you are not in the mood for +doing it,--when it goes against the grain. You are a fellow of +sense,--you understand all that. + +"'If you have written anything which you think well of, show it to +Mr.______ , the well-known critic; to "the governor," as you call +him,--your honored father; and to me, your friend.' + +"To the critic is well enough, if you like to be overhauled and put +out of conceit with yourself,--it may do you good; but I wouldn't go +to 'the governor' with my verses, if I were you. For either he will +think what you have written is something wonderful, almost as good as +he could have written himself,--in fact, he always did believe in +hereditary genius,--or he will pooh-pooh the whole rhyming nonsense, +and tell you that you had a great deal better stick to your business, +and leave all the word-jingling to Mother Goose and her followers. + +"'Show me your verses,' says Horace. Very good it was in him, and +mighty encouraging the first counsel he gives! 'Keep your poem to +yourself for some eight or ten years; you will have time to look it +over, to correct it and make it fit to present to the public.' + +"'Much obliged for your advice,' says the poor poet, thirsting for a +draught of fame, and offered a handful of dust. And off he hurries +to the printer, to be sure that his poem comes out in the next number +of the magazine he writes for." + + +"Is not poetry the natural language of lovers?" + +It was the Tutor who asked this question, and I thought he looked in +the direction of Number Five, as if she might answer his question. +But Number Five stirred her tea devotedly; there was a lump of sugar, +I suppose, that acted like a piece of marble. So there was a silence +while the lump was slowly dissolving, and it was anybody's chance who +saw fit to take up the conversation. + +The voice that broke the silence was not the sweet, winsome one we +were listening for, but it instantly arrested the attention of the +company. It was the grave, manly voice of one used to speaking, and +accustomed to be listened to with deference. This was the first time +that the company as a whole had heard it, for the speaker was the +new-comer who has been repeatedly alluded to,--the one of whom I +spoke as "the Counsellor." + +"I think I can tell you something about that," said the Counsellor. +"I suppose you will wonder how a man of my profession can know or +interest himself about a question so remote from his arid pursuits. +And yet there is hardly one man in a thousand who knows from actual +experience a fraction of what I have learned of the lovers' +vocabulary in my professional experience. I have, I am sorry to say, +had to take an important part in a great number of divorce cases. +These have brought before me scores and hundreds of letters, in which +every shade of the great passion has been represented. What has most +struck me in these amatory correspondences has been their remarkable +sameness. It seems as if writing love-letters reduced all sorts of +people to the same level. I don't remember whether Lord Bacon has +left us anything in that line,--unless, indeed, he wrote Romeo and +Juliet' and the 'Sonnets;' but if he has, I don't believe they differ +so very much from those of his valet or his groom to their respective +lady-loves. It is always, My darling! my darling! The words of +endearment are the only ones the lover wants to employ, and he finds +the vocabulary too limited for his vast desires. So his letters are +apt to be rather tedious except to the personage to whom they are +addressed. As to poetry, it is very common to find it in love- +letters, especially in those that have no love in them. The letters +of bigamists and polygamists are rich in poetical extracts. +Occasionally, an original spurt in rhyme adds variety to an otherwise +monotonous performance. I don't think there is much passion in men's +poetry addressed to women. I agree with The Dictator that poetry is +little more than the ashes of passion; still it may show that the +flame has had its sweep where you find it, unless, indeed, it is +shoveled in from another man's fireplace." + +"What do you say to the love poetry of women?" asked the Professor. +"Did ever passion heat words to incandescence as it did those of +Sappho?" + +The Counsellor turned,--not to Number Five, as he ought to have done, +according to my programme, but to the Mistress. + +"Madam," he said, "your sex is adorable in many ways, but in the +abandon of a genuine love-letter it is incomparable. I have seen a +string of women's love-letters, in which the creature enlaced herself +about the object of her worship as that South American parasite which +clasps the tree to which it has attached itself, begins with a +slender succulent network, feeds on the trunk, spreads its fingers +out to hold firmly to one branch after another, thickens, hardens, +stretches in every direction, following the boughs,--and at length +gets strong enough to hold in its murderous arms, high up in air, the +stump and shaft of the once sturdy growth that was its support and +subsistence." + +The Counsellor did not say all this quite so formally as I have set +it down here, but in a much easier way. In fact, it is impossible to +smooth out a conversation from memory without stiffening it; you +can't have a dress shirt look quite right without starching the +bosom. + +Some of us would have liked to hear more about those letters in the +divorce cases, but the Counsellor had to leave the table. He +promised to show us some pictures he has of the South American +parasite. I have seen them, and I can assure you they are very +curious. + +The following verses were found in the urn, or sugar-bowl. + + CACOETHES SCRIBENDI. + + If all the trees in all the woods were men, + And each and every blade of grass a pen; + If every leaf on every shrub and tree + Turned to a sheet of foolscap; every sea + Were changed to ink, and all earth's living tribes + Had nothing else to do but act as scribes, + And for ten thousand ages, day and night, + The human race should write, and write, and write, + Till all the pens and paper were used up, + And the huge inkstand was an empty cup, + Still would the scribblers clustered round its brim + Call for more pens, more paper, and more ink. + + + + +V + +"Dolce, ma non troppo dolce," said the Professor to the Mistress, who +was sweetening his tea. She always sweetens his and mine for us. He +has been attending a series of concerts, and borrowed the form of the +directions to the orchestra. "Sweet, but not too sweet," he said, +translating the Italian for the benefit of any of the company who +might not be linguists or musical experts. + +"Do you go to those musical hullabaloos?" called out Number Seven. +There was something very much like rudeness in this question and the +tone in which it was asked. But we are used to the outbursts, and +extravagances, and oddities of Number Seven, and do not take offence +at his rough speeches as we should if any other of the company +uttered them. + +"If you mean the concerts that have been going on this season, yes, I +do," said the Professor, in a bland, good-humored way. + +"And do you take real pleasure in the din of all those screeching and +banging and growling instruments?" + +"Yes," he answered, modestly, "I enjoy the brouhaha, if you choose to +consider it such, of all this quarrelsome menagerie of noise-making +machines, brought into order and harmony by the presiding genius, the +leader, who has made a happy family of these snarling stringed +instruments and whining wind instruments, so that although + + "Linguae centum sent, oraque centum, + +"notwithstanding there are a hundred vibrating tongues and a hundred +bellowing mouths, their one grand blended and harmonized uproar sets +all my fibres tingling with a not unpleasing tremor." + +"Do you understand it? Do you take any idea from it? Do you know +what it all means?" said Number Seven. + +The Professor was long-suffering under this series of somewhat +peremptory questions. He replied very placidly, "I am afraid I have +but a superficial outside acquaintance with the secrets, the +unfathomable mysteries, of music. I can no more conceive of the +working conditions of the great composer, + + "'Untwisting all the chains that tie + The hidden soul of harmony,' + +"than a child of three years can follow the reasonings of Newton's +'Principia.' I do not even pretend that I can appreciate the work of +a great master as a born and trained musician does. Still, I do love +a great crash of harmonies, and the oftener I listen to these musical +tempests the higher my soul seems to ride upon them, as the wild fowl +I see through my window soar more freely and fearlessly the fiercer +the storm with which they battle." + +"That's all very well," said Number Seven, "but I wish we could get +the old-time music back again. You ought to have heard,--no, I won't +mention her, dead, poor girl,--dead and singing with the saints in +heaven,--but the S_____ girls. If you could have heard them as I did +when I was a boy, you would have cried, as we all used to. Do you +cry at those great musical smashes? How can you cry when you don't +know what it is all about? We used to think the words meant +something,--we fancied that Burns and Moore said some things very +prettily. I suppose you've outgrown all that." + +No one can handle Number Seven in one of his tantrums half so well as +Number Five can do it. She can pick out what threads of sense may be +wound off from the tangle of his ideas when they are crowded and +confused, as they are apt to be at times. She can soften the +occasional expression of half-concealed ridicule with which the poor +old fellow's sallies are liable to be welcomed--or unwelcomed. She +knows that the edge of a broken teacup may be sharper, very possibly, +than that of a philosopher's jackknife. A mind a little off its +balance, one which has a slightly squinting brain as its organ; will +often prove fertile in suggestions. Vulgar, cynical, contemptuous +listeners fly at all its weaknesses, and please themselves with +making light of its often futile ingenuities, when a wiser audience +would gladly accept a hint which perhaps could be developed in some +profitable direction, or so interpret an erratic thought that it +should prove good sense in disguise. That is the way Number Five was +in the habit of dealing with the explosions of Number Seven. Do you +think she did not see the ridiculous element in a silly speech, or +the absurdity of an outrageously extravagant assertion? Then you +never heard her laugh when she could give way to her sense of the +ludicrous without wounding the feelings of any other person. But her +kind heart never would forget itself, and so Number Seven had a +champion who was always ready to see that his flashes of +intelligence, fitful as they were, and liable to be streaked with +half-crazy fancies, always found one willing recipient of what light +there was in them. + +Number Five, I have found, is a true lover of music, and has a right +to claim a real knowledge of its higher and deeper mysteries. But +she accepted very cordially what our light-headed companion said +about the songs he used to listen to. + +"There is no doubt," she remarked," that the tears which used to be +shed over 'Oft in the sully night,' or 'Auld Robin Gray,' or 'A place +in thy memory, dearest,' were honest tears, coming from the true +sources of emotion. There was no affectation about them; those songs +came home to the sensibilities of young people,--of all who had any +sensibilities to be acted upon. And on the other hand, there is a +great amount of affectation in the apparent enthusiasm of many +persons in admiring and applauding music of which they have not the +least real appreciation. They do not know whether it is good or bad, +the work of a first-rate or a fifth-rate composer; whether there are +coherent elements in it, or whether it is nothing more than 'a +concourse of sweet sounds' with no organic connections. One must be +educated, no doubt, to understand the more complex and difficult +kinds of musical composition. Go to the great concerts where you +know that the music is good, and that you ought to like it whether +you do or not. Take a music-bath once or twice a week for a few +seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water-bath +is to the body. I wouldn't trouble myself about the affectations of +people who go to this or that series of concerts chiefly because it +is fashionable. Some of these people whom we think so silly and hold +so cheap will perhaps find, sooner or later, that they have a dormant +faculty which is at last waking up,--and that they who came because +others came, and began by staring at the audience, are listening with +a newly found delight. Every one of us has a harp under bodice or +waistcoat, and if it can only once get properly strung and tuned it +will respond to all outside harmonies." + +The Professor has some ideas about music, which I believe he has +given to the world in one form or another; but the world is growing +old and forgetful, and needs to be reminded now and then of what one +has formerly told it. + +"I have had glimpses," the Professor said, "of the conditions into +which music is capable of bringing a sensitive nature. Glimpses, I +say, because I cannot pretend that I am capable of sounding all the +depths or reaching all the heights to which music may transport our +mortal consciousness. Let me remind you of a curious fact with +reference to the seat of the musical sense. Far down below the great +masses of thinking marrow and its secondary agents, just as the brain +is about to merge in the spinal cord, the roots of the nerve of +hearing spread their white filaments out into the sentient matter, +where they report what the external organs of hearing tell them. +This sentient matter is in remote connection only with the mental +organs, far more remote than the centres of the sense of vision and +that of smell. In a word, the musical faculty might be said to have +a little brain of its own. It has a special world and a private +language all to itself. How can one explain its significance to +those whose musical faculties are in a rudimentary state of +development, or who have never had them trained? Can you describe in +intelligible language the smell of a rose as compared with that of a +violet? No,-- music can be translated only by music. Just so far +as it suggests worded thought, it falls short of its highest office. +Pure emotional movements of the spiritual nature,--that is what I ask +of music. Music will be the universal language,--the Volapuk of +spiritual being." + +"Angels sit down with their harps and play at each other, I suppose," +said Number Seven. "Must have an atmosphere up there if they have +harps, or they wouldn't get any music. Wonder if angels breathe like +mortals? If they do, they must have lungs and air passages, of +course. Think of an angel with the influenza, and nothing but a +cloud for a handkerchief!" + +--This is a good instance of the way in which Number Seven's +squinting brain works. You will now and then meet just such brains +in heads you know very well. Their owners are much given to asking +unanswerable questions. A physicist may settle it for us whether +there is an atmosphere about a planet or not, but it takes a brain +with an extra fissure in it to ask these unexpected questions,-- +questions which the natural philosopher cannot answer, and which the +theologian never thinks of asking. + +The company at our table do not keep always in the same places. The +first thing I noticed, the other evening, was that the Tutor was +sitting between the two Annexes, and the Counsellor was next to +Number Five. Something ought to come of this arrangement. One of +those two young ladies must certainly captivate and perhaps capture +the Tutor. They are just the age to be falling in love and to be +fallen in love with. The Tutor is good looking, intellectual, +suspected of writing poetry, but a little shy, it appears to me. +I am glad to see him between the two girls. If there were only one, +she might be shy too, and then there would be less chance for a +romance such as I am on the lookout for; but these young persons lend +courage to each other, and between them, if he does not wake up like +Cymon at the sight of Iphigenia, I shall be disappointed. As for the +Counsellor and Number Five, they will soon find each other out. Yes, +it is all pretty clear in my mind,--except that there is always an x +in a problem where sentiments are involved. No, not so clear about +the Tutor. Predestined, I venture my guess, to one or the other, but +to which? I will suspend my opinion for the present. + +I have found out that the Counsellor is a childless widower. I am +told that the Tutor is unmarried, and so far as known not engaged. +There is no use in denying it,--a company without the possibility of +a love-match between two of its circle is like a champagne bottle +with the cork out for some hours as compared to one with its pop yet +in reserve. However, if there should be any love-making, it need not +break up our conversations. Most of it will be carried on away from +our tea-table. + +Some of us have been attending certain lectures on Egypt and its +antiquities. I have never been on the Nile. If in any future state +there shall be vacations in which we may have liberty to revisit our +old home, equipped with a complete brand-new set of mortal senses as +our travelling outfit, I think one of the first places I should go +to, after my birthplace, the old gambrel-roofed house,--the place +where it stood, rather,-- would be that mighty, awe-inspiring river. +I do not suppose we shall ever know half of what we owe to the wise +and wonderful people who confront us with the overpowering monuments +of a past which flows out of the unfathomable darkness as the great +river streams from sources even as yet but imperfectly explored. + +I have thought a good deal about Egypt, lately, with reference to our +historical monuments. How did the great unknown mastery who fixed +the two leading forms of their monumental records arrive at those +admirable and eternal types, the pyramid and the obelisk? How did +they get their model of the pyramid? + +Here is an hour-glass, not inappropriately filled with sand from the +great Egyptian desert. I turn it, and watch the sand as it +accumulates in the lower half of the glass. How symmetrically, how +beautifully, how inevitably, the little particles pile up the cone, +which is ever building and unbuilding itself, always aiming at the +stability which is found only at a certain fixed angle! The Egyptian +children playing in the sand must have noticed this as they let the +grains fall from their hands, and the sloping sides of the miniature +pyramid must have been among the familiar sights to the little boys +and girls for whom the sand furnished their earliest playthings. +Nature taught her children through the working of the laws of +gravitation how to build so that her forces should act in harmony +with art, to preserve the integrity of a structure meant to reach +a far-off posterity. The pyramid is only the cone in which Nature +arranges her heaped and sliding fragments; the cone with flattened +Surfaces, as it is prefigured in certain well-known crystalline +forms. The obelisk is from another of Nature's patterns; it is only +a gigantic acicular crystal. + +The Egyptians knew what a monument should be, simple, noble, durable. +It seems to me that we Americans might take a lesson from those early +architects. Our cemeteries are crowded with monuments which are very +far from simple, anything but noble, and stand a small chance of +being permanent. The pyramid is rarely seen, perhaps because it +takes up so much room; and when built on a small scale seems +insignificant as we think of it, dwarfed by the vast structures of +antiquity. The obelisk is very common, and when in just proportions +and of respectable dimensions is unobjectionable. + +But the gigantic obelisks like that on Bunker Hill, and especially +the Washington monument at the national capital, are open to critical +animadversion. Let us contrast the last mentioned of these great +piles with the obelisk as the Egyptian conceived and executed it. +The new Pharaoh ordered a memorial of some important personage or +event. In the first place, a mighty stone was dislodged from its +connections, and lifted, unbroken, from the quarry. This was a feat +from which our modern stone-workers shrink dismayed. The Egyptians +appear to have handled these huge monoliths as our artisans handle +hearthstones and doorsteps, for the land actually bristled with such +giant columns. They were shaped and finished as nicely as if they +were breastpins for the Titans to wear, and on their polished +surfaces were engraved in imperishable characters the records they +were erected to preserve. + +Europe and America borrow these noble productions of African art and +power, and find them hard enough to handle after they have succeeded +in transporting them to Rome, or London, or New York. Their +simplicity, grandeur, imperishability, speaking symbolism, shame all +the pretentious and fragile works of human art around them. The +obelisk has no joints for the destructive agencies of nature to +attack; the pyramid has no masses hanging in unstable equilibrium, +and threatening to fall by their own weight in the course of a +thousand or two years. + +America says the Father of his Country must have a monument worthy of +his exalted place in history. What shall it be? A temple such as +Athens might have been proud to rear upon her Acropolis? An obelisk +such as Thebes might have pointed out with pride to the strangers who +found admission through her hundred gates? After long meditation and +the rejection of the hybrid monstrosities with which the nation was +menaced, an obelisk is at last decided upon. How can it be made +grand and dignified enough to be equal to the office assigned it? We +dare not attempt to carve a single stone from the living rock,--all +our modern appliances fail to make the task as easy to us as it seems +to have been to the early Egyptians. No artistic skill is required +in giving a four-square tapering figure to a stone column. If we +cannot shape a solid obelisk of the proper dimensions, we can build +one of separate blocks. How can we give it the distinction we demand +for it? The nation which can brag that it has "the biggest show on +earth" cannot boast a great deal in the way of architecture, but it +can do one thing,--it can build an obelisk that shall be taller than +any structure now standing which the hand of man has raised. Build +an obelisk! How different the idea of such a structure from that of +the unbroken, unjointed prismatic shaft, one perfect whole, as +complete in itself, as fitly shaped and consolidated to defy the +elements, as the towering palm or the tapering pine! Well, we had +the satisfaction for a time of claiming the tallest structure in the +world; and now that the new Tower of Babel which has sprung up in +Paris has killed that pretention, I think we shall feel and speak +more modestly about our stone hyperbole, our materialization of the +American love of the superlative. We have the higher civilization +among us, and we must try to keep down the forth-putting instincts of +the lower. We do not want to see our national monument placarded as +"the greatest show on earth,"--perhaps it is well that it is taken +down from that bad eminence. + +I do not think that this speech of mine was very well received. It +appeared to jar somewhat on the nerves of the American Annex. There +was a smile on the lips of the other Annex,--the English girl,--which +she tried to keep quiet, but it was too plain that she enjoyed my +diatribe. + +It must be remembered that I and the other Teacups, in common with +the rest of our fellow-citizens, have had our sensibilities greatly +worked upon, our patriotism chilled, our local pride outraged, by the +monstrosities which have been allowed to deform our beautiful public +grounds. We have to be very careful in conducting a visitor, say +from his marble-fronted hotel to the City Hall.--Keep pretty +straight along after entering the Garden,--you will not care to +inspect the little figure of the military gentleman to your right.-- +Yes, the Cochituate water is drinkable, but I think I would not turn +aside to visit that small fabric which makes believe it is a temple, +and is a weak-eyed fountain feebly weeping over its own +insignificance. About that other stone misfortune, cruelly reminding +us of the "Boston Massacre," we will not discourse; it is not +imposing, and is rarely spoken of. + +What a mortification to the inhabitants of a city with some +hereditary and contemporary claims to cultivation; which has noble +edifices, grand libraries, educational institutions of the highest +grade, an art-gallery filled with the finest models and rich in +paintings and statuary,--a stately city that stretches both arms +across the Charles to clasp the hands of Harvard, her twin-sister, +each lending lustre to the other like double stars,--what a pity that +she should be so disfigured by crude attempts to adorn her and +commemorate her past that her most loving children blush for her +artificial deformities amidst the wealth of her natural beauties! +One hardly knows which to groan over most sadly,--the tearing down of +old monuments, the shelling of the Parthenon, the overthrow of the +pillared temples of Rome, and in a humbler way the destruction of the +old Hancock house, or the erection of monuments which are to be a +perpetual eyesore to ourselves and our descendants. + +We got talking on the subject of realism, of which so much has been +said of late. + +It seems to me, I said, that the great additions which have been made +by realism to the territory of literature consist largely in swampy, +malarious, ill-smelling patches of soil which had previously been +left to reptiles and vermin. It is perfectly easy to be original by +violating the laws of decency and the canons of good taste. The +general consent of civilized people was supposed to have banished +certain subjects from the conversation of well-bred people and the +pages of respectable literature. There is no subject, or hardly any, +which may not be treated of at the proper time, in the proper place, +by the fitting person, for the right kind of listener or reader. But +when the poet or the story-teller invades the province of the man of +science, he is on dangerous ground. I need say nothing of the +blunders he is pretty sure to make. The imaginative writer is after +effects. The scientific man is after truth. Science is decent, +modest; does not try to startle, but to instruct. The same scenes +and objects which outrage every sense of delicacy in the story +teller's highly colored paragraphs can be read without giving offence +in the chaste language of the physiologist or the physician. + +There is a very celebrated novel, "Madame Bovary," the work of M. +Flaubert, which is noted for having been the subject of prosecution +as an immoral work. That it has a serious lesson there is no doubt, +if one will drink down to the bottom of the cup. But the honey of +sensuous description is spread so deeply over the surface of the +goblet that a large proportion of its readers never think of its +holding anything else. All the phases of unhallowed passion are +described in full detail. That is what the book is bought and read +for, by the great majority of its purchasers, as all but simpletons +very well know. That is what makes it sell and brought it into the +courts of justice. This book is famous for its realism; in fact, it +is recognized as one of the earliest and most brilliant examples of +that modern style of novel which, beginning where Balzac left off, +attempted to do for literature what the photograph has done for art. +For those who take the trouble to drink out of the cup below the rim +of honey, there is a scene where realism is carried to its extreme, +--surpassed in horror by no writer, unless it be the one whose name +must be looked for at the bottom of the alphabet, as if its natural +place were as low down in the dregs of realism as it could find +itself. This is the death-bed scene, where Madame Bovary expires in +convulsions. The author must have visited the hospitals for the +purpose of watching the terrible agonies he was to depict, tramping +from one bed to another until he reached the one where the cries and +contortions were the most frightful. Such a scene he has reproduced. +No hospital physician would have pictured the straggle in such +colors. In the same way, that other realist, M. Zola, has painted a +patient suffering from delirium tremens, the disease known to common +speech as "the horrors." In describing this case he does all that +language can do to make it more horrible than the reality. He gives +us, not realism, but super-realism, if such a term does not +contradict itself. + +In this matter of the literal reproduction of sights and scenes which +our natural instinct and our better informed taste and judgment teach +us to avoid, art has been far in advance of literature. It is three +hundred years since Joseph Ribera, more commonly known as +Spagnoletto, was born in the province Valencia, in Spain. We had the +misfortune of seeing a painting of his in a collection belonging to +one of the French princes, and exhibited at the Art Museum. It was +that of a man performing upon himself the operation known to the +Japanese as hararkiri. Many persons who looked upon this revolting +picture will never get rid of its remembrance, and will regret the +day when their eyes fell upon it. I should share the offence of the +painter if I ventured to describe it. Ribera was fond of depicting +just such odious and frightful subjects. "Saint Lawrence writhing on +his gridiron, Saint Sebastian full of arrows, were equally a source +of delight to him. Even in subjects which had no such elements of +horror he finds the materials for the delectation of his ferocious +pencil; he makes up for the defect by rendering with a brutal realism +deformity and ugliness." + +The first great mistake made by the ultra-realists; like Flaubert and +Zola, is, as I have said, their ignoring the line of distinction +between imaginative art and science. We can find realism enough in +books of anatomy, surgery, and medicine. In studying the human +figure, we want to see it clothed with its natural integuments. It +is well for the artist to study the ecorche in the dissecting-room, +but we do not want the Apollo or the Venus to leave their skins +behind them when they go into the gallery for exhibition. Lancisi's +figures show us how the great statues look when divested of their +natural covering. It is instructive, but useful chiefly as a means +to aid in the true artistic reproduction of nature. When the, +hospitals are invaded by the novelist, he should learn something from +the physician as well as from the patients. Science delineates in +monochrome. She never uses high tints and strontian lights to +astonish lookers-on. Such scenes as Flaubert and Zola describe would +be reproduced in their essential characters, but not dressed up in +picturesque phrases. That is the first stumbling-block in the way of +the reader of such realistic stories as those to which I have +referred. There are subjects which must be investigated by +scientific men which most educated persons would be glad to know +nothing about. When a realistic writer like Zola surprises his +reader into a kind of knowledge he never thought of wishing for, he +sometimes harms him more than he has any idea of doing. He wants to +produce a sensation, and he leaves a permanent disgust not to be got +rid of. Who does not remember odious images that can never be washed +out from the consciousness which they have stained? A man's +vocabulary is terribly retentive of evil words, and the images they +present cling to his memory and will not loose their hold. One who +has had the mischance to soil his mind by reading certain poems of +Swift will never cleanse it to its original whiteness. Expressions +and thoughts of a certain character stain the fibre of the thinking +organ, and in some degree affect the hue of every idea that passes +through the discolored tissues. + +This is the gravest accusation to bring against realism, old or +recent, whether in the brutal paintings of Spagnoletto or in the +unclean revelations of Zola. Leave the description of the drains and +cesspools to the hygienic specialist, the painful facts of disease to +the physician, the details of the laundry to the washerwoman. If we +are to have realism in its tedious descriptions of unimportant +particulars, let it be of particulars which do not excite disgust. +Such is the description of the vegetables in Zola's "Ventre de +Paris," where, if one wishes to see the apotheosis of turnips, beets, +and cabbages, he can find them glorified as supremely as if they had +been symbols of so many deities; their forms, their colors, their +expression, worked upon until they seem as if they were made to be +looked at and worshipped rather than to be boiled and eaten. + +I am pleased to find a French critic of M. Flaubert expressing ideas +with which many of my own entirely coincide. "The great mistake of +the realists," he says, "is that they profess to tell the truth +because they tell everything. This puerile hunting after details, +this cold and cynical inventory of all the wretched conditions in the +midst of which poor humanity vegetates, not only do not help us to +understand it better, but, on the contrary, the effect on the +spectators is a kind of dazzled confusion mingled with fatigue and +disgust. The material truthfulness to which the school of M. +Flaubert more especially pretends misses its aim in going beyond it. +Truth is lost in its own excess." + +I return to my thoughts on the relations of imaginative art in all +its forms with science. The subject which in the hands of the +scientific student is handled decorously,--reverently, we might +almost say,--becomes repulsive, shameful, and debasing in the +unscrupulous manipulations of the low-bred man of letters. + +I confess that I am a little jealous of certain tendencies in our own +American literature, which led one of the severest and most outspoken +of our satirical fellow-countrymen, no longer living to be called to +account for it, to say; in a moment of bitterness, that the mission +of America was to vulgarize mankind. I myself have sometimes +wondered at the pleasure some Old World critics have professed to +find in the most lawless freaks of New World literature. I have +questioned whether their delight was not like that of the Spartans in +the drunken antics of their Helots. But I suppose I belong to +another age, and must not attempt to judge the present by my old- +fashioned standards. + +The company listened very civilly to these remarks, whether they +agreed with them or not. I am not sure that I want all the young +people to think just as I do in matters of critical judgment. New +wine does not go well into old bottles, but if an old cask has held +good wine, it may improve a crude juice to stand awhile upon the lees +of that which once filled it. + +I thought the company had had about enough of this disquisition. +They listened very decorously, and the Professor, who agrees very +well with me, as I happen to know, in my views on this business of +realism, thanked me for giving them the benefit of my opinion. + +The silence that followed was broken by Number Seven's suddenly +exclaiming,-- + +"I should like to boss creation for a week!" + +This expression was an outbreak suggested by some train of thought +which Number Seven had been following while I was discoursing. I do +not think one of the company looked as if he or she were shocked by +it as an irreligious or even profane speech. It is a better way +always, in dealing with one of those squinting brains, to let it +follow out its own thought. It will keep to it for a while; then it +will quit the rail, so to speak, and run to any side-track which may +present itself. + +"What is the first thing you would do?" asked Number Five in a +pleasant, easy way. + +"The first thing? Pick out a few thousand of the best specimens of +the best races, and drown the rest like so many blind puppies." + +"Why," said she, "that was tried once, and does not seem to have +worked very well." + +"Very likely. You mean Noah's flood, I suppose. More people +nowadays, and a better lot to pick from than Noah had." + +"Do tell us whom you would take with you," said Number Five. + +"You, if you would go," he answered, and I thought I saw a slight +flush on his cheek. "But I didn't say that I should go aboard the +new ark myself. I am not sure that I should. No, I am pretty sure +that I shouldn't. I don't believe, on the whole, it would pay me to +save myself. I ain't of much account. But I could pick out some +that were." + +And just now he was saying that he should like to boss the universe! +All this has nothing very wonderful about it. Every one of us is +subject to alternations of overvaluation and undervaluation of +ourselves. Do you not remember soliloquies something like this? +"Was there ever such a senseless, stupid creature as I am? How have +I managed to keep so long out of the idiot asylum? Undertook to +write a poem, and stuck fast at the first verse. Had a call from a +friend who had just been round the world. Did n't ask him one word +about what he had seen or heard, but gave him full details of my +private history, I having never been off my own hearth-rug for more +than an hour or two at a time, while he was circumnavigating and +circumrailroading the globe. Yes, if anybody can claim the title, I +am certainly the prize idiot." I am afraid that we all say such +things as this to ourselves at times. Do we not use more emphatic +words than these in our self-depreciation? I cannot say how it is +with others, but my vocabulary of self-reproach and humiliation is so +rich in energetic expressions that I should be sorry to have an +interviewer present at an outburst of one of its raging geysers, its +savage soliloquies. A man is a kind of inverted thermometer, the +bulb uppermost, and the column of self-valuation is all the time +going up and down. Number Seven is very much like other people in +this respect,--very much like you and me. + +This train of reflections must not carry me away from Number Seven. + +"If I can't get a chance to boss this planet for a week or so," he +began again, "I think 1 could write its history,--yes, the history of +the world, in less compass than any one who has tried it so far." + +"You know Sir Walter Raleigh's 'History of the World,' of course?" +said the Professor. + +"More or less,--more or less," said Number Seven prudently. "But I +don't care who has written it before me. I will agree to write the +story of two worlds, this and the next, in such a compact way that +you can commit them both to memory in less time than you can learn +the answer to the first question in the Catechism." + +What he had got into his head we could not guess, but there was no +little curiosity to discover the particular bee which was buzzing in +his bonnet. He evidently enjoyed our curiosity, and meant to keep us +waiting awhile before revealing the great secret. + +"How many words do you think I shall want?" + +It is a formula, I suppose, I said, and I will grant you a hundred +words. + +"Twenty," said the Professor. "That was more than the wise men of +Greece wanted for their grand utterances." + +The two Annexes whispered together, and the American Annex gave their +joint result. One thousand was the number they had fixed on. They +were used to hearing lectures, and could hardly conceive that any +subject could be treated without taking up a good part of an hour. + +"Less than ten," said Number Five. "If there are to be more than +ten, I don't believe that Number Seven would think the surprise would +be up to our expectations." + +"Guess as much as you like," said Number Seven. + +"The answer will keep. I don't mean to say what it is until we are +ready to leave the table." He took a blank card from his pocket-book, +wrote something on it, or appeared, at any rate, to write, and handed +it, face down, to the Mistress. What was on the card will be found +near the end of this paper. I wonder if anybody will be curious +enough to look further along to find out what it was before she reads +the next paragraph? + +In the mean time there is a train of thought suggested by Number +Seven and his whims. If you want to know how to account for +yourself, study the characters of your relations. All of our brains +squint more or less. There is not one in a hundred, certainly, that +does not sometimes see things distorted by double refraction, out of +plumb or out of focus, or with colors which do not belong to it, or +in some way betraying that the two halves of the brain are not acting +in harmony with each other. You wonder at the eccentricities of this +or that connection of your own. Watch yourself, and you will find +impulses which, but for the restraints you put upon them, would make +you do the same foolish things which you laugh at in that cousin of +yours. I once lived in the same house with the near relative of a +very distinguished person, whose name is still honored and revered +among us. His brain was an active one, like that of his famous +relative, but it was full of random ideas, unconnected trains of +thought, whims, crotchets, erratic suggestions. Knowing him, I could +interpret the mental characteristics of the whole family connection +in the light of its exaggerated peculiarities as exhibited in my odd +fellow-boarder. Squinting brains are a great deal more common than +we should at first sight believe. Here is a great book, a solid +octavo of five hundred pages, full of the vagaries of this class of +organizations. I hope to refer to this work hereafter, but just now +I will only say that, after reading till one is tired the strange +fancies of the squarers of the circle, the inventors of perpetual +motion, and the rest of the moonstruck dreamers, most persons will +confess to themselves that they have had notions as wild, conceptions +as extravagant, theories as baseless, as the least rational of those +which are here recorded. + +Some day I want to talk about my library. It is such a curious +collection of old and new books, such a mosaic of learning and +fancies and follies, that a glance over it would interest the +company. Perhaps I may hereafter give you a talk abut books, but +while I am saying a few passing words upon the subject the greatest +bibliographical event that ever happened in the book-market of the +New World is taking place under our eyes. Here is Mr. Bernard +Quaritch just come from his well-known habitat, No. 15 Piccadilly, +with such a collection of rare, beautiful, and somewhat expensive +volumes as the Western Continent never saw before on the shelves of a +bibliopole. + +We bookworms are all of us now and then betrayed into an +extravagance. The keen tradesmen who tempt us are like the fishermen +who dangle a minnow, a frog, or a worm before the perch or pickerel +who may be on the lookout for his breakfast. But Mr. Quaritch comes +among us like that formidable angler of whom it is said, + + His hook he baited with a dragon's tail, + And sat upon a rock and bobbed for whale. + +The two catalogues which herald his coming are themselves interesting +literary documents. One can go out with a few shillings in his +pocket, and venture among the books of the first of these catalogues +without being ashamed to show himself with no larger furnishing of +the means for indulging his tastes,--he will find books enough at +comparatively modest prices. But if one feels very rich, so rich that +it requires a good deal to frighten him, let him take the other +catalogue and see how many books he proposes to add to his library at +the prices affixed. Here is a Latin Psalter with the Canticles, from +the press of Fust and Schoeffer, the second book issued from their +press, the second book printed with a date, that date being 1459. +There are only eight copies of this work known to exist; you can have +one of them, if so disposed, and if you have change enough in your +pocket. Twenty-six thousand two hundred and fifty dollars will make +you the happy owner of this precious volume. If this is more than +you want to pay, you can have the Gold Gospels of Henry VIII., on +purple vellum, for about half the money. There are pages on pages of +titles of works any one of which would be a snug little property if +turned into money at its catalogue price. + +Why will not our multimillionaires look over this catalogue of Mr. +Quaritch, and detain some of its treasures on this side of the +Atlantic for some of our public libraries? We decant the choicest +wines of Europe into our cellars; we ought to be always decanting the +precious treasures of her libraries and galleries into our own, as we +have opportunity and means. As to the means, there are so many rich +people who hardly know what to do with their money that it is well to +suggest to them any new useful end to which their superfluity may +contribute. I am not in alliance with Mr. Quaritch; in fact, I am +afraid of him, for if I stayed a single hour in his library, where I +never was but once, and then for fifteen minutes only, I should leave +it so much poorer than I entered it that I should be reminded of the +picture in the titlepage of Fuller's 'Historie of the Holy Warre,' +"We went out full. We returned empty." + +--After the teacups were all emptied, the card containing Number +Seven's abridged history of two worlds, this and the next, was handed +round. + +This was all it held: + +After all had looked at it, it was passed back to me. "Let The +Dictator interpret it," they all said. + +This is what I announced as my interpretation: + +Two worlds, the higher and the lower, separated by the thinnest of +partitions. The lower world is that of questions; the upper world is +that of answers. Endless doubt and unrest here below; wondering, +admiring, adoring certainty above.--Am I not right? + +"You are right," answered Number Seven solemnly. "That is my +revelation." + +The following poem was found in the sugar-bowl. + +I read it to the company. There was much whispering and there were +many conjectures as to its authorship, but every Teacup looked +innocent, and we separated each with his or her private conviction. +I had mine, but I will not mention it. + + + THE ROSE AND THE FERN. + +Lady, life's sweetest lesson wouldst thou learn, +Come thou with me to Love's enchanted bower: +High overhead the trellised roses burn; +Beneath thy feet behold the feathery fern, +A leaf without a flower. + +What though the rose leaves fall? They still are sweet, +And have been lovely in their beauteous prime, +While the bare frond seems ever to repeat, +"For us no bud, no blossom, wakes to greet +The joyous flowering time!" + +Heed thou the lesson. Life has leaves to tread +And flowers to cherish; summer round thee glows; +Wait not till autumn's fading robes are shed, +But while its petals still are burning red +Gather life's full-blown rose! + + + + +VI + +Of course the reading of the poem at the end of the last paper has +left a deep impression. I strongly suspect that something very much +like love-making is going on at our table. A peep under the lid of +the sugar-bowl has shown me that there is another poem ready for the +company. That receptacle is looked upon with an almost tremulous +excitement by more than one of The Teacups. The two Annexes turn +towards the mystic urn as if the lots which were to determine their +destiny were shut up in it. Number Five, quieter, and not betraying +more curiosity than belongs to the sex at all ages, glances at the +sugarbowl now and then; looking so like a clairvoyant, that sometimes +I cannot help thinking she must be one. There is a sly look about +that young Doctor's eyes, which might imply that he knows something +about what the silver vessel holds, or is going to hold. The Tutor +naturally falls under suspicion, as he is known to have written and +published poems. I suppose the Professor and myself have hardly been +suspected of writing love-poems; but there is no telling,--there is +no telling. Why may not some one of the lady Teacups have played the +part of a masculine lover? George Sand, George Eliot, Charles Egbert +Craddock, made pretty good men in print. The authoress of "Jane +Eyre" was taken for a man by many persons. Can Number Five be +masquerading in verse? Or is one of the two Annexes the make. +believe lover? Or did these girls lay their heads together, and send +the poem we had at our last sitting to puzzle the company? It is +certain that the Mistress did not write the poem. It is evident that +Number Seven, who is so severe in his talk about rhymesters, would +not, if he could, make such a fool of himself as to set up for a +"poet." Why should not the Counsellor fall in love and write verses? +A good many lawyers have been "poets." + +Perhaps the next poem, which may be looked for in its proper place, +may help us to form a judgment. We may have several verse-writers +among us, and if so there will be a good opportunity for the exercise +of judgment in distributing their productions among the legitimate +claimants. In the mean time, we must not let the love-making and the +song-writing interfere with the more serious matters which these +papers are expected to contain. + +Number Seven's compendious and comprehensive symbolism proved +suggestive, as his whimsical notions often do. It always pleases me +to take some hint from anything he says when I can, and carry it out +in a direction not unlike that of his own remark. I reminded the +company of his enigmatical symbol. + +You can divide mankind in the same way, I said. Two words, each of +two letters, will serve to distinguish two classes of human beings +who constitute the principal divisions of mankind. Can any of you +tell what those two words are? + +"Give me five letters," cried Number Seven, "and I can solve your +problem! F-o-o-1-s,--those five letters will give you the first and +largest half. For the other fraction"-- + +Oh, but, said I, I restrict you absolutely to two letters. If you +are going to take five, you may as well take twenty or a hundred. + +After a few attempts, the company gave it up. The nearest approach +to the correct answer was Number Five's guess of Oh and Ah: Oh +signifying eternal striving after an ideal, which belongs to one kind +of nature; and Ah the satisfaction of the other kind of nature, which +rests at ease in what it has attained. + +Good! I said to Number Five, but not the answer I am after. The +great division between human beings is into the Ifs and the Ases. + +"Is the last word to be spelt with one or two s's?" asked the young +Doctor. + +The company laughed feebly at this question. I answered it soberly. +With one s. There are more foolish people among the Ifs than there +are among the Ases. + +The company looked puzzled, and asked for an explanation. + +This is the meaning of those two words as I interpret them: +If it were,--if it might be,--if it could be,--if it had been. One +portion of mankind go through life always regretting, always whining, +always imagining. These are the people whose backbones remain +cartilaginous all their lives long, as do those of certain other +vertebrate animals,--the sturgeons, for instance. A good many poets +must be classed with this group of vertebrates. + +As it is,--this is the way in which the other class of people look at +the conditions in which they find themselves. They may be optimists +or pessimists, they are very largely optimists,--but, taking things +just as they find them, they adjust the facts to their wishes if they +can; and if they cannot, then they adjust themselves to the facts. I +venture to say that if one should count the Ifs and the Ases in the +conversation of his acquaintances, he would find the more able and +important persons among them--statesmen, generals, men of business-- +among the Ases, and the majority of the conspicuous failures among +the Ifs. I don't know but this would be as good a test as that of +Gideon,--lapping the water or taking it up in the hand. I have a +poetical friend whose conversation is starred as thick with ifs as a +boiled ham is with cloves. But another friend of mine, a business +man, whom I trust in making my investments, would not let me meddle +with a certain stock which I fancied, because, as he said, "there are +too many ifs in it. As it looks now, I would n't touch it." + +I noticed, the other evening, that some private conversation was +going on between the Counsellor and the two Annexes. There was a +mischievous look about the little group, and I thought they were +hatching some plot among them. I did not hear what the English Annex +said, but the American girl's voice was sharper, and I overheard what +sounded to me like, "It is time to stir up that young Doctor." The +Counsellor looked very knowing, and said that he would find a chance +before long. I was rather amused to see how readily he entered into +the project of the young people. The fact is, the Counsellor is +young for his time of life; for he already betrays some signs of the +change referred to in that once familiar street song, which my +friend, the great American surgeon, inquired for at the music-shops +under the title, as he got it from the Italian minstrel, + + "Silva tredi mondi goo." + +I saw, soon after this, that the Counsellor was watching his chance +to "stir up the young Doctor." + +It does not follow, because our young Doctor's bald spot is slower in +coming than he could have wished, that he has not had time to form +many sound conclusions in the calling to which he has devoted himself +Vesalius, the father of modern descriptive anatomy, published his +great work on that subject before he was thirty. Bichat, the great +anatomist and physiologist, who died near the beginning of this +century, published his treatise, which made a revolution in anatomy +and pathology, at about the same age; dying soon after he had reached +the age of thirty. So, possibly the Counsellor may find that he has +"stirred up" a young man who, can take care of his own head, in case +of aggressive movements in its direction. + +"Well, Doctor," the Counsellor began, "how are stocks in the measles +market about these times? Any corner in bronchitis? Any syndicate +in the vaccination business?" All this playfully. + +"I can't say how it is with other people's patients; most of my +families are doing very well without my help, at this time." + +"Do tell me, Doctor, how many families you own. I have heard it said +that some of our fellow-citizens have two distinct families, but you +speak as if you had a dozen." + +"I have, but not so large a number as I should like. I could take +care of fifteen or twenty more without: having to work too hard." + +"Why, Doctor, you are as bad as a Mormon. What do you mean by +calling certain families yours?" + +"Don't you speak about my client? Don't your clients call you their +lawyer? Does n't your baker, does n't your butcher, speak of the +families he supplies as his families?" + +To be sure, yes, of course they do; but I had a notion that a man had +as many doctors as he had organs to be doctored." + +"Well, there is some truth in that; but did you think the old- +fashioned family doctor was extinct, a fossil like the megatherium?" + +"Why, yes, after the recent experience of a friend of mine, I did +begin to think that there would soon be no such personage left as +that same old-fashioned family doctor. Shall I tell you what that +experience was?" + +The young Doctor said be should be mightily pleased to hear it. He +was going to be one of those old-fogy practitioners himself. + +"I don't know," the Counsellor said, "whether my friend got all the +professional terms of his story correctly, nor whether I have got +them from him without making any mistakes; but if I do make blunders +in some of the queer names, you can correct me. This is my friend's +story: + +"My family doctor,' he said, "was a very sensible man, educated at a +school where they professed to teach all the specialties, but not +confining himself to any one branch of medical practice. Surgical +practice he did not profess to meddle with, and there were some +classes of patients whom he was willing to leave to the female +physician. But throughout the range of diseases not requiring +exceptionally skilled manual interference, his education had +authorized him to consider himself, and he did consider himself, +qualified to undertake the treatment of all ordinary cases--It so +happened that my young wife was one of those uneasy persons who are +never long contented with their habitual comforts and blessings, but +always trying to find something a little better, something newer, at +any rate. I was getting to be near fifty years old, and it happened +to me, as it not rarely does to people at about that time of life, +that my hair began to fall out. I spoke of it to my doctor, who +smiled, said it was a part of the process of reversed evolution, but +might be retarded a little, and gave me a prescription. I did not +find any great effect from it, and my wife would have me go to a +noted dermatologist. The distinguished specialist examined my +denuded scalp with great care. He looked at it through a strong +magnifier. He examined the bulb of a fallen hair in a powerful +microscope. He deliberated for a while, and then said, "This is a +case of alopecia. It may perhaps be partially remedied. I will give +you a prescription." Which he did, and told me to call again in a +fortnight. At the end of three months I had called six times, and +each time got a new recipe, and detected no difference in the course +of my "alopecia." After I had got through my treatment, I showed my +recipes to my family physician; and we found that three of them were +the same he had used, familiar, old-fashioned remedies, and the +others were taken from a list of new and little-tried prescriptions +mentioned in one of the last medical journals, which was lying on the +old doctor's table. I might as well have got no better under his +charge, and should have got off much cheaper. + +"The next trouble I had was a little redness of the eyes, for which +my doctor gave me a wash; but my wife would have it that I must see +an oculist. So I made four visits to an oculist, and at the last +visit the redness was nearly gone,--as it ought to have been by that +time. The specialist called my complaint conjunctivitis, but that +did not make it feel any better nor get well any quicker. If I had +had a cataract or any grave disease of the eye, requiring a nice +operation on that delicate organ, of course I should have properly +sought the aid of an expert, whose eye, hand, and judgment were +trained to that special business; but in this case I don't doubt that +my family doctor would have done just as well as the expert. +However, I had to obey orders, and my wife would have it that I +should entrust my precious person only to the most skilful specialist +in each department of medical practice. + +"In the course of the year I experienced a variety of slight +indispositions. For these I was auriscoped by an aurist, +laryngoscoped by a laryngologist, ausculted by a stethoscopist, and +so on, until a complete inventory of my organs was made out, and I +found that if I believed all these searching inquirers professed to +have detected in my unfortunate person, I could repeat with too +literal truth the words of the General Confession, "And there is no +health in us." I never heard so many hard names in all my life. I +proved to be the subject of a long catalogue of diseases, and what +maladies I was not manifestly guilty of I was at least suspected of +harboring. I was handed along all the way from alopecia, which used +to be called baldness, to zoster, which used to be known as shingles. +I was the patient of more than a dozen specialists. Very pleasant +persons, many of them, but what a fuss they made about my trifling +incommodities! Please look at that photograph. See if there is a +minute elevation under one eye.' + +"'On which side?' I asked him, for I could not be sure there was +anything different on one side from what I saw on the other. + +"'Under the left eye. I called it a pimple; the specialist called it +acne. Now look at this photograph. It was taken after my acne had +been three months under treatment. It shows a little more distinctly +than in the first photograph, does n't it?' + +"'I think it does,' I answered. 'It does n't seem to me that you +gained a great deal by leaving your customary adviser for the +specialist.' + +"'Well,' my friend continued, 'following my wife's urgent counsel, I +kept on, as I told you, for a whole year with my specialists, going +from head to foot, and tapering off with a chiropodist. I got a deal +of amusement out of their contrivances and experiments. Some of them +lighted up my internal surfaces with electrical or other illuminating +apparatus. Thermometers, dynamometers, exploring-tubes, little +mirrors that went half-way down to my stomach, tuning-forks, +ophthalmoscopes, percussion-hammers, single and double stethoscopes, +speculums, sphygmometers,--such a battery of detective instruments I +had never imagined. All useful, I don't doubt; but at the end of the +year I began to question whether I should n't have done about as well +to stick to my long tried practitioner. When the bills for +"professional services" came in, and the new carpet had to be given +up, and the old bonnet trimmed over again, and the sealskin sack +remained a vision, we both agreed, my wife and I, that we would try +to get along without consulting specialists, except in such cases as +our family physician considered to be beyond his skill.'" + +The Counsellor's story of his friend's experiences seemed to please +the young Doctor very much. It "stirred him up," but in an agreeable +way; for, as he said, he meant to devote himself to family practice, +and not to adopt any limited class of cases as a specialty. I liked +his views so well that I should have been ready to adopt them as my +own, if they had been challenged. + + The young Doctor discourses. + +"I am very glad," he said, "that we have a number of practitioners +among us who confine themselves to the care of single organs and +their functions. I want to be able to consult an oculist who has +done nothing but attend to eyes long enough to know all that is known +about their diseases and their treatment,--skilful enough to be +trusted with the manipulation of that delicate and most precious +organ. I want an aurist who knows all about the ear and what can be +done for its disorders. The maladies of the larynx are very ticklish +things to handle, and nobody should be trusted to go behind the +epiglottis who has not the tactus eruditus. And so of certain other +particular classes of complaints. A great city must have a limited +number of experts, each a final authority, to be appealed to in cases +where the family physician finds himself in doubt. There are +operations which no surgeon should be willing to undertake unless he +has paid a particular, if not an exclusive, attention to the cases +demanding such operations. All this I willingly grant. + +"But it must not be supposed that we can return to the methods of the +old Egyptians--who, if my memory serves me correctly, had a special +physician for every part of the body--without falling into certain +errors and incurring certain liabilities. + +"The specialist is much like other people engaged in lucrative +business. He is apt to magnify his calling, to make much of any +symptom which will bring a patient within range of his battery of +remedies. I found a case in one of our medical journals, a couple of +years ago, which illustrates what I mean. Dr. ___________ of +Philadelphia, had a female patient with a crooked nose,--deviated +septum, if our young scholars like that better. She was suffering +from what the doctor called reflex headache. She had been to an +oculist, who found that the trouble was in her eyes. She went from +him to a gynecologist, who considered her headache as owing to causes +for which his specialty had the remedies. How many more specialists +would have appropriated her, if she had gone the rounds of them all, +I dare not guess; but you remember the old story of the siege, in +which each artisan proposed means of defence which be himself was +ready to furnish. Then a shoemaker said, 'Hang your walls with new +boots.' + +"Human nature is the same with medical specialists as it was with +ancient cordwainers, and it is too possible that a hungry +practitioner may be warped by his interest in fastening on a patient +who, as he persuades himself, comes under his medical jurisdiction. +The specialist has but one fang with which to seize and bold his +prey, but that fang is a fearfully long and sharp canine. Being +confined to a narrow field of observation and practice, he is apt to +give much of his time to curious study, which may be magnifique, but +is not exactly la guerre against the patient's malady. He divides +and subdivides, and gets many varieties of diseases, in most respects +similar. These he equips with new names, and thus we have those +terrific nomenclatures which are enough to frighten the medical +student, to say nothing of the sufferers staggering under this long +catalogue of local infirmities. The 'old-fogy' doctor, who knows the +family tendencies of his patient, who 'understands his constitution,' +will often treat him better than the famous specialist, who sees him +for the first time, and has to guess at many things 'the old doctor' +knows from his previous experience with the same patient and the +family to which he belongs. + +"It is a great luxury to practise as a specialist in almost any class +of diseases. The special practitioner has his own hours, hardly +needs a night-bell, can have his residence out of the town in which +he exercises his calling, in short, lives like a gentleman; while the +hard-worked general practitioner submits to a servitude more exacting +than that of the man who is employed in his stable or in his kitchen. +That is the kind of life I have made up my mind to." + +The teaspoons tinkled all round the table. This was the usual sign +of approbation, instead of the clapping of hands. + +The young Doctor paused, and looked round among The Teacups. "I beg +your pardon," he said, "for taking up so much of your time with +medicine. It is a subject that a good many persons, especially +ladies, take an interest in and have a curiosity about, but I have no +right to turn this tea-table into a lecture platform." + +"We should like to hear you talk longer about it," said the English +Annex. "One of us has thought of devoting herself to the practice of +medicine. Would you lecture to us; if you were a professor in one of +the great medical schools?" + +"Lecture to students of your sex? Why not, I should like to know? I +don't think it is the calling for which the average woman is +especially adapted, but my teacher got a part of his medical +education from a lady, Madame Lachapelle; and I don't see why, if one +can learn from a woman, he may not teach a woman, if he knows +enough." + +"We all like a little medical talk now and then," said Number Five, +"and we are much obliged to you for your discourse. You are +specialist enough to take care of a sprained ankle, I suppose, are +you not?" + +"I hope I should be equal to that emergency," answered the young +Doctor; "but I trust you are not suffering from any such accident?" + +"No," said Number Five, "but there is no telling what may happen. I +might slip, and get a sprain or break a sinew, or something, and I +should like to know that there is a practitioner at hand to take care +of my injury. I think I would risk myself in your bands, although +you are not a specialist. Would you venture to take charge of the +case?" + +"Ah, my dear lady," he answered gallantly, "the risk would be in the +other direction. I am afraid it would be safer for your doctor if he +were an older man than I am." + +This is the first clearly, indisputably sentimental outbreak which +has happened in conversation at our table. I tremble to think what +will come of it; for we have several inflammable elements in our +circle, and a spark like this is liable to light on any one or two of +them. + +I was not sorry that this medical episode came in to vary the usual +course of talk at our table. I like to have one--of an intelligent +company, who knows anything thoroughly, hold the floor for a time, +and discourse upon the subject which chiefly engages his daily +thoughts and furnishes his habitual occupation. It is a privilege to +meet such a person now and then, and let him have his full swing. +But because there are "professionals" to whom we are willing to +listen as oracles, I do not want to see everybody who is not a +"professional" silenced or snubbed, if he ventures into any field of +knowledge which he has not made especially his own. I like to read +Montaigne's remarks about doctors, though he never took a medical +degree. I can even enjoy the truth in the sharp satire of Voltaire +on the medical profession. I frequently prefer the remarks I hear +from the pew after the sermon to those I have just been hearing from +the pulpit. There are a great many things which I never expect to +comprehend, but which I desire very much to apprehend. Suppose that +our circle of Teacups were made up of specialists,--experts in +various departments. I should be very willing that each one should +have his innings at the proper time, when the company were ready for +him. But the time is coming when everybody will know something about +every thing. How can one have the illustrated magazines, the +"Popular Science Monthly," the Psychological journals, the +theological periodicals, books on all subjects, forced on his +attention, in their own persons, so to speak, or in the reviews which +analyze and pass judgment upon them, without getting some ideas which +belong to many provinces of human intelligence? The air we breathe +is made up of four elements, at least: oxygen, nitrogen, carbonic +acid gas, and knowledge. There is something quite delightful to +witness in the absorption and devotion of a genuine specialist. +There is a certain sublimity in that picture of the dying scholar in +Browning's "A Grammarian's Funeral:"-- + + "So with the throttling hands of death at strife, + Ground he at grammar; + Still, through the rattle, parts of speech were rife; + While he could stammer + He settled Hoti's business--let it be-- + Properly based Oun + Gave us the doctrine of the enclitic De, + Dead from the waist down." + +A genuine enthusiasm, which will never be satisfied until it has +pumped the well dry at the bottom of which truth is lying, always +excites our interest, if not our admiration. + +One of the pleasantest of our American writers, whom we all remember +as Ik Marvel, and greet in his more recent appearance as Donald Grant +Mitchell, speaks of the awkwardness which he feels in offering to the +public a "panoramic view of British writers in these days of +specialists,--when students devote half a lifetime to the analysis of +the works of a single author, and to the proper study of a single +period." + +He need not have feared that his connected sketches of "English +Lands, Letters and Kings" would be any less welcome because they do +not pretend to fill up all the details or cover all the incidents +they hint in vivid outline. How many of us ever read or ever will +read Drayton's "Poly-Olbion?" Twenty thousand long Alexandrines are +filled with admirable descriptions of scenery, natural productions, +and historical events, but how many of us in these days have time to +read and inwardly digest twenty thousand Alexandrine verses? I fear +that the specialist is apt to hold his intelligent reader or hearer +too cheap. So far as I have observed in medical specialties, what he +knows in addition to the knowledge of the well-taught general +practitioner is very largely curious rather than important. Having +exhausted all that is practical, the specialist is naturally tempted +to amuse himself with the natural history of the organ or function he +deals with; to feel as a writing-master does when he sets a copy,-- +not content to shape the letters properly, but he must add flourishes +and fancy figures, to let off his spare energy. + +I am beginning to be frightened. When I began these papers, my idea +was a very simple and innocent one. Here was a mixed company, of +various conditions, as I have already told my readers, who came +together regularly, and before they were aware of it formed something +like a club or association. As I was the patriarch among them, they +gave me the name some of you may need to be reminded of; for as these +reports are published at intervals, you may not remember the fact +that I am what The Teacups have seen fit to call The Dictator. + +Now, what did I expect when I began these papers, and what is it that +has begun to frighten me? + +I expected to report grave conversations and light colloquial +passages of arms among the members of the circle. I expected to +hear, perhaps to read, a paper now and then. I expected to have, +from time to time, a poem from some one of The Teacups, for I felt +sure there must be among them one or more poets,--Teacups of the +finer and rarer translucent kind of porcelain, to speak +metaphorically. + +Out of these conversations and written contributions I thought I +might make up a readable series of papers; a not wholly unwelcome +string of recollections, anticipations, suggestions, too often +perhaps repetitions, that would be to the twilight what my earlier +series had been to the morning. + +I hoped also that I should come into personal relations with my old +constituency, if I may call my nearer friends, and those more distant +ones who belong to my reading parish, by that name. It is time that +I should. I received this blessed morning--I am telling the literal +truth--a highly flattering obituary of myself in the shape of an +extract from "Le National" of the 10th of February last. This is a +bi-weekly newspaper, published in French, in the city of Plattsburg, +Clinton County, New York. I am occasionally reminded by my unknown +friends that I must hurry up their autograph, or make haste to copy +that poem they wish to have in the author's own handwriting, or it +will be too late; but I have never before been huddled out of the +world in this way. I take this rather premature obituary as a hint +that, unless I come to some arrangement with my well-meaning but +insatiable correspondents, it would be as well to leave it in type, +for I cannot bear much longer the load they lay upon me. I will +explain myself on this point after I have told my readers what has +frightened me. + +I am beginning to think this room where we take our tea is more like +a tinder-box than a quiet and safe place for "a party in a parlor." +It is true that there are at least two or three incombustibles at our +table, but it looks to me as if the company might pair off before the +season is over, like the crew of Her Majesty's ship the Mantelpiece, +--three or four weddings clear our whole table of all but one or two +of the impregnables. The poem we found in the sugar-bowl last week +first opened my eyes to the probable state of things. Now, the idea +of having to tell a love-story,--perhaps two or three love-stories, +--when I set out with the intention of repeating instructive, useful, +or entertaining discussions, naturally alarms me. It is quite true +that many things which look to me suspicious may be simply playful. +Young people (and we have several such among The Teacups) are fond of +make-believe courting when they cannot have the real thing,-- +"flirting," as it used to be practised in the days of Arcadian +innocence, not the more modern and more questionable recreation which +has reached us from the home of the cicisbeo. Whatever comes of it, +I shall tell what I see, and take the consequences. + +But I am at this moment going to talk in my own proper person to my +own particular public, which, as I find by my correspondence, is a +very considerable one, and with which I consider myself in +exceptionally pleasant relations. + +I have read recently that Mr. Gladstone receives six hundred letters +a day. Perhaps he does not receive six hundred letters every day, +but if he gets anything like half that number daily, what can he do +with them? There was a time when he was said to answer all his +correspondents. It is understood, I think, that he has given up +doing so in these later days. + +I do not pretend that I receive six hundred or even sixty letters a +day, but I do receive a good many, and have told the public of the +fact from time to time, under the pressure of their constantly +increasing exertions. As it is extremely onerous, and is soon going +to be impossible, for me to keep up the wide range of correspondence +which has become a large part of my occupation, and tends to absorb +all the vital force which is left me, I wish to enter into a final +explanation with the well-meaning but merciless taskmasters who have +now for many years been levying their daily tax upon me. I have +preserved thousands of their letters, and destroyed a very large +number, after answering most of them. A few interesting chapters +might be made out of the letters I have kept,--not only such as are +signed by the names of well-known personages, but many from unknown +friends, of whom I had never heard before and have never heard since. +A great deal of the best writing the languages of the world have ever +known has been committed to leaves that withered out of sight before +a second sunlight had fallen upon them. I have had many letters I +should have liked to give the public, had their nature admitted of +their being offered to the world. What straggles of young ambition, +finding no place for its energies, or feeling its incapacity to reach +the ideal towards which it was striving! What longings of +disappointed, defeated fellow-mortals, trying to find a new home for +themselves in the heart of one whom they have amiably idealized! And +oh, what hopeless efforts of mediocrities and inferiorities, +believing in themselves as superiorities, and stumbling on through +limping disappointments to prostrate failure! Poverty comes +pleading, not for charity, for the most part, but imploring us to +find a purchaser for its unmarketable wares. The unreadable author +particularly requests us to make a critical examination of his book, +and report to him whatever may be our verdict,--as if he wanted +anything but our praise, and that very often to be used in his +publisher's advertisements. + +But what does not one have to submit to who has become the martyr-- +the Saint Sebastian--of a literary correspondence! I will not dwell +on the possible impression produced on a sensitive nature by reading +one's own premature obituary, as I have told you has been my recent +experience. I will not stop to think whether the urgent request for +an autograph by return post, in view of the possible contingencies +which might render it the last one was ever to write, is pleasing or +not. At threescore and twenty one must expect such hints of what is +like to happen before long. I suppose, if some near friend were to +watch one who was looking over such a pressing letter, he might +possibly see a slight shadow flit over the reader's features, and +some such dialogue might follow as that between Othello and Iago, +after "this honest creature" has been giving breath to his suspicions +about Desdemona: + + "I see this hath a little dash'd your spirits. + Not a jot, not a jot. + ............. + "My lord, I see you're moved." + +And a little later the reader might, like Othello, complain, + + "I have a pain upon my forehead here." + +Nothing more likely. But, for myself, I have grown callous to all +such allusions. The repetition of the Scriptural phrase for the +natural term of life is so frequent that it wears out one's +sensibilities. + +But how many charming and refreshing letters I have received! How +often I have felt their encouragement in moments of doubt and +depression, such as the happiest temperaments must sometimes +experience! + +If the time comes when to answer all my kind unknown friends, even by +dictation, is impossible, or more than I feel equal to, I wish to +refer any of those who may feel disappointed at not receiving an +answer to the following general acknowledgments: + + +I. I am always grateful for any attention which shows me that I am +kindly remembered.--II. Your pleasant message has been read to me, +and has been thankfully listened to.--III. Your book (your essay) +(your poem) has reached me safely, and has received all the +respectful attention to which it seemed entitled. It would take more +than all the time I have at my disposal to read all the printed +matter and all the manuscripts which are sent to me, and you would +not ask me to attempt the impossible. You will not, therefore, +expect me to express a critical opinion of your work.--IV. I am +deeply sensible to your expressions of personal attachment to me as +the author of certain writings which have brought me very near to +you, in virtue of some affinity in our ways of thought and moods of +feeling. Although I cannot keep up correspondences with many of my +readers who seem to be thoroughly congenial with myself, let them be +assured that their letters have been read or heard with peculiar +gratification, and are preserved as precious treasures. + + +I trust that after this notice no correspondent will be surprised to +find his or her letter thus answered by anticipation; and that if one +of the above formulae is the only answer he receives, the unknown +friend will remember that he or she is one of a great many whose +incessant demands have entirely outrun my power of answering them as +fully as the applicants might wish and perhaps expect. + +I could make a very interesting volume of the letters I have received +from correspondents unknown to the world of authorship, but writing +from an instinctive impulse, which many of them say they have long +felt and resisted. One must not allow himself to be flattered into +an overestimate of his powers because he gets many letters expressing +a peculiar attraction towards his books, and a preference of them to +those with which he would not have dared to compare his own. Still, +if the homo unius libri--the man of one book--choose to select one of +our own writing as his favorite volume, it means something,--not +much, perhaps; but if one has unlocked the door to the secret +entrance of one heart, it is not unlikely that his key may fit the +locks of others. What if nature has lent him a master key? He has +found the wards and slid back the bolt of one lock; perhaps he may +have learned the secret of others. One success is an encouragement +to try again. Let the writer of a truly loving letter, such as +greets one from time to time, remember that, though he never hears a +word from it, it may prove one of the best rewards of an anxious and +laborious past, and the stimulus of a still aspiring future. + +Among the letters I have recently received, none is more interesting +than the following. The story of Helen Keller, who wrote it, is told +in the well-known illustrated magazine called "The Wide Awake," in +the number for July, 1888. For the account of this little girl, now +between nine and ten years old, and other letters of her writing, I +must refer to the article I have mentioned. It is enough to say that +she is deaf and dumb and totally blind. She was seven years old when +her teacher, Miss Sullivan, under the direction of Mr. Anagnos, at +the Blind Asylum at South Boston, began her education. A child +fuller of life and happiness it would be hard to find. It seems as +if her soul was flooded with light and filled with music that had +found entrance to it through avenues closed to other mortals. It is +hard to understand how she has learned to deal with abstract ideas, +and so far to supplement the blanks left by the senses of sight and +hearing that one would hardly think of her as wanting in any human +faculty. Remember Milton's pathetic picture of himself, suffering +from only one of poor little Helen's deprivations: + + "Not to me returns + Day, or the sweet approach of even or morn, + Or sight of vernal bloom, or summer's rose, + Or flocks, or herds, or human face divine; + But cloud instead, and ever-during dark + Surrounds me, from the cheerful ways of men + Cut off, and for the book of knowledge fair + Presented with a universal blank + Of Nature's works, to me expunged and rased, + And wisdom at one entrance quite shut out." + +Surely for this loving and lovely child does + + "the celestial Light + Shine inward." + +Anthropologist, metaphysician, most of all theologian, here is a +lesson which can teach you much that you will not find in your +primers and catechisms. Why should I call her "poor little Helen"? +Where can you find a happier child? + + +SOUTH BOSTON, MASS., March 1, 1890. + +DEAR KIND POET,--I have thought of you many times since that bright +Sunday when I bade you goodbye, and I am going to write you a letter +because I love you. I am sorry that you have no little children to +play with sometimes, but I think you are very happy with your books, +and your many, many friends. On Washington's Birthday a great many +people came here to see the little blind children, and I read for +them from your poems, and showed them some beautiful shells which +came from a little island near Palos. I am reading a very sad story +called "Little Jakey." Jakey was the sweetest little fellow you can +imagine, but he was poor and blind. I used to think, when I was +small and before I could read, that everybody was always happy, and +at first it made me very sad to know about pain and great sorrow; but +now I know that we could never learn to be brave and patient, if +there were only joy in the world. I am studying about insects in +Zoology, and I have learned many things about butterflies. They do +not make honey for us, like the bees, but many of them are as +beautiful as the flowers they light upon, and they always delight the +hearts of little children. They live a gay life, flitting from +flower to flower, sipping the drops of honey-dew, without a thought +for the morrow. They are just like little boys and girls when they +forget books and studies, and run away to the woods and the fields to +gather wild-flowers, or wade in the ponds for fragrant lilies, happy +in the bright sunshine. If my little sister comes to Boston next +June, will you let me bring her to see you? She is a lovely baby and +I am sure you will love [her]. Now I must tell my gentle poet good- +bye, for I have a letter to write home before I go to bed. From your +loving little friend, + +HELEN A. KELLER. + + +The reading of this letter made many eyes glisten, and a dead silence +hushed the whole circle. All at once Delilah, our pretty table-maid, +forgot her place,--what business had she to be listening to our +conversation and reading?--and began sobbing, just as if she had +been a lady. She could n't help it, she explained afterwards,--she +had a little blind sister at the asylum, who had told her about +Helen's reading to the children. + +It was very awkward, this breaking-down of our pretty Delilah, for +one girl crying will sometimes set off a whole row of others,--it is +as hazardous as lighting one cracker in a bunch. The two Annexes +hurried out their pocket-handkerchiefs, and I almost expected a semi- +hysteric cataclysm. At this critical moment Number Five called +Delilah to her, looked into her face with those calm eyes of hers, +and spoke a few soft words. Was Number Five forgetful, too? Did she +not remember the difference of their position? I suppose so. But +she quieted the poor handmaiden as simply and easily as a nursing +mother quiets her unweaned baby. Why are we not all in love with +Number Five? Perhaps we are. At any rate, I suspect the Professor. +When we all get quiet, I will touch him up about that visit she +promised to make to his laboratory. + +I got a chance at last to speak privately with him. + +"Did Number Five go to meet you in your laboratory, as she talked of +doing?" + +"Oh, yes, of course she did,--why, she said she would!" + +"Oh, to be sure. Do tell me what she wanted in your laboratory." + +"She wanted me to burn a diamond for her." + +"Burn a diamond! What was that for? Because Cleopatra swallowed a +pearl?" + +"No, nothing of that kind. It was a small stone, and had a flaw in +it. Number Five said she did n't want a diamond with a flaw in it, +and that she did want to see how a diamond would burn." + +"Was that all that happened?" + +"That was all. She brought the two Annexes with her, and I gave my +three visitors a lecture on carbon, which they seemed to enjoy very +much." + +I looked steadily in the Professor's face during the reading of the +following poem. I saw no questionable look upon it,--but he has a +remarkable command of his features. Number Five read it with a +certain archness of expression, as if she saw all its meaning, which +I think some of the company did not quite take in. They said they +must read it slowly and carefully. Somehow, "I like you" and "I love +you" got a little mixed, as they heard it. It was not Number Five's +fault, for she read it beautifully, as we all agreed, and as I knew +she would when I handed it to her. + + + I LIKE YOU AND I LOVE YOU. + + I LIKE YOU met I LOVE YOU, face to face; + The path was narrow, and they could not pass. + I LIKE YOU smiled; I LOVE YOU cried, Alas! + And so they halted for a little space. + + "Turn thou and go before," I LOVE YOU said, +` "Down the green pathway, bright with many a flower + Deep in the valley, lo! my bridal bower + Awaits thee." But I LIKE YOU shook his head. + + Then while they lingered on the span-wide shelf + That shaped a pathway round the rocky ledge, + I LIKE YOU bared his icy dagger's edge, + And first he slew I LOVE YOU,--then himself. + + + + +VII + +There is no use in burdening my table with those letters of inquiry +as to where our meetings are held, and what are the names of the +persons designated by numbers, or spoken of under the titles of the +Professor, the Tutor, and so forth. It is enough that you are aware +who I am, and that I am known at the tea-table as The Dictator. +Theatrical "asides" are apt to be whispered in a pretty loud voice, +and the persons who ought not to have any idea of what is said are +expected to be reasonably hard of bearing. If I named all The +Teacups, some of them might be offended. If any of my readers happen +to be able to identify any one Teacup by some accidental +circumstance,--say, for instance, Number Five, by the incident of her +burning the diamond,--I hope they will keep quiet about it. Number +Five does n't want to be pointed out in the street as the extravagant +person who makes use of such expensive fuel, for the story would soon +grow to a statement that she always uses diamonds, instead of cheaper +forms of carbon, to heat her coffee with. So with other members of +the circle. The "Cracked Teacup," Number Seven, would not, perhaps, +be pleased to recognize himself under that title. I repeat it, +therefore, Do not try to identify the individual Teacups. You will +not get them right; or, if you do, you may too probably make trouble. +How is it possible that I can keep up my freedom of intercourse with +you all if you insist on bellowing my "asides" through a speaking- +trumpet? Besides, you cannot have failed to see that there are +strong symptoms of the springing up of delicate relations between +some of our number. I told you how it would be. It did not require +a prophet to foresee that the saucy intruder who, as Mr. Willis +wrote, and the dear dead girls used to sing, in our young days, + + "Taketh every form of air, + And every shape of earth, + And comes unbidden everywhere, + Like thought's mysterious birth," + +would pop his little curly head up between one or more pairs of +Teacups. If you will stop these questions, then, I will go on with +my reports of what was said and done at our meetings over the +teacups. + +Of all things beautiful in this fair world, there is nothing so +enchanting to look upon, to dream about, as the first opening of the +flower of young love. How closely the calyx has hidden the glowing +leaves in its quiet green mantle! Side by side, two buds have been +tossing jauntily in the breeze, often brought very near to each +other, sometimes touching for a moment, with a secret thrill in their +close-folded heart-leaves, it may be, but still the cool green sepals +shutting tight over the burning secret within. All at once a morning +ray touches one of the two buds, and the point of a blushing petal +betrays the imprisoned and swelling blossom. + + +--Oh, no, I did not promise a love-story. There may be a little +sentiment now and then, but these papers are devoted chiefly to the +opinions, prejudices, fancies, whims, of myself, The Dictator, and +others of The Teacups who have talked or written for the general +benefit of the company. + +Here are some of the remarks I made the other evening on the subject +of Intellectual Over-Feeding and its consequence, Mental Dyspepsia. +There is something positively appalling in the amount of printed +matter yearly, monthly, weekly, daily, secreted by that great gland +of the civilized organism, the press. I need not dilate upon this +point, for it is brought home to every one of you who ever looks into +a bookstore or a public library. So large is the variety of literary +products continually coming forward, forced upon the attention of the +reader by stimulating and suggestive titles, commended to his notice +by famous names, recasting old subjects and developing and +illustrating new ones, that the mind is liable to be urged into a +kind of unnatural hunger, leading to a repletion which is often +followed by disgust and disturbed nervous conditions as its natural +consequence. + +It has long been a favorite rule with me, a rule which I have never +lost sight of, however imperfectly I have carried it out: Try to know +enough of a wide range of subjects to profit by the conversation of +intelligent persons of different callings and various intellectual +gifts and acquisitions. The cynic will paraphrase this into a +shorter formula: Get a smattering in every sort of knowledge. I must +therefore add a second piece of advice: Learn to hold as of small +account the comments of the cynic. He is often amusing, sometimes +really witty, occasionally, without meaning it, instructive; but his +talk is to profitable conversation what the stone is to the pulp of +the peach, what the cob is to the kernels on an ear of Indian corn. +Once more: Do not be bullied out of your common sense by the +specialist; two to one, he is a pedant, with all his knowledge and +valuable qualities, and will "cavil on the ninth part of a hair," if +it will give him a chance to show off his idle erudition. + +I saw attributed to me, the other day, the saying, "Know something +about everything, and everything about something." I am afraid it +does not belong to me, but I will treat it as I used to treat a stray +boat which came through my meadow, floating down the Housatonic,--get +hold of it and draw it ashore, and hold on to it until the owner +turns up. If this precept is used discreetly, it is very +serviceable; but it is as well to recognize the fact that you cannot +know something about everything in days like these of intellectual +activity, of literary and scientific production. We all feel this. +It makes us nervous to see the shelves of new books, many of which we +feel as if we ought to read, and some among them to study. We must +adopt some principle of selection among the books outside of any +particular branch which we may have selected for study. I have often +been asked what books I would recommend for a course of reading. I +have always answered that I had a great deal rather take advice than +give it. Fortunately, a number of scholars have furnished lists of +books to which the inquirer may be directed. But the worst of it is +that each student is in need of a little library specially adapted to +his wants. Here is a young man writing to me from a Western college, +and wants me to send him a list of the books which I think would be +most useful to him. He does not send me his intellectual +measurements, and he might as well have sent to a Boston tailor for a +coat, without any hint of his dimensions in length, breadth, and +thickness. + +But instead of laying down rules for reading, and furnishing lists of +the books which should be read in order, I will undertake the much +humbler task of giving a little quasi-medical advice to persons, +young or old, suffering from book-hunger, book-surfeit, book- +nervousness, book-indigestion, book-nausea, and all other maladies +which, directly or indirectly, may be traced to books, and to which I +could give Greek or Latin names if I thought it worth while. + +I have a picture hanging in my library, a lithograph, of which many +of my readers may have seen copies. It represents a gray-haired old +book-lover at the top of a long flight of steps. He finds himself in +clover, so to speak, among rare old editions, books he has longed to +look upon and never seen before, rarities, precious old volumes, +incunabula, cradle-books, printed while the art was in its infancy,-- +its glorious infancy, for it was born a giant. The old bookworm is +so intoxicated with the sight and handling of the priceless treasures +that he cannot bear to put one of the volumes back after he has taken +it from the shelf. So there he stands,--one book open in his hands, +a volume under each arm, and one or more between his legs,--loaded +with as many as he can possibly hold at the same time. + +Now, that is just the way in which the extreme form of book-hunger +shows itself in the reader whose appetite has become over-developed. +He wants to read so many books that he over-crams himself with the +crude materials of knowledge, which become knowledge only when the +mental digestion has time to assimilate them. I never can go into +that famous "Corner Bookstore" and look over the new books in the row +before me, as I enter the door, without seeing half a dozen which I +want to read, or at least to know something about. I cannot empty my +purse of its contents, and crowd my bookshelves with all those +volumes. The titles of many of them interest me. I look into one or +two, perhaps. I have sometimes picked up a line or a sentence, in +these momentary glances between the uncut leaves of a new book, which +I have never forgotten. As a trivial but bona fide example, one day +I opened a book on duelling. I remember only these words: +"Conservons-la, cette noble institution." I had never before seen +duelling called a noble institution, and I wish I had taken the name +of the book. Book-tasting is not necessarily profitless, but it is +very stimulating, and makes one hungry for more than he needs for the +nourishment of his thinking-marrow. To feed this insatiable hunger, +the abstracts, the reviews, do their best. But these, again, have +grown so numerous and so crowded with matter that it is hard to find +time to master their contents. We are accustomed, therefore, to look +for analyses of these periodicals, and at last we have placed before +us a formidable-looking monthly, "The Review of Reviews." After the +analyses comes the newspaper notice; and there is still room for the +epigram, which sometimes makes short work with all that has gone +before on the same subject. + +It is just as well to recognize the fact that if one should read day +and night, confining himself to his own language, he could not +pretend to keep up with the press. He might as well try to race with +a locomotive. The first discipline, therefore, is that of despair. +If you could stick to your reading day and night for fifty years, +what a learned idiot you would become long before the half-century +was over! Well, then, there is no use in gorging one's self with +knowledge, and no need of self-reproach because one is content to +remain more or less ignorant of many things which interest his +fellow-creatures. We gain a good deal of knowledge through the +atmosphere; we learn a great deal by accidental hearsay, provided we +have the mordant in our own consciousness which makes the wise +remark, the significant fact, the instructive incident, take hold +upon it. After the stage of despair comes the period of consolation. +We soon find that we are not so much worse off than most of our +neighbors as we supposed. The fractional value of the wisest shows a +small numerator divided by an infinite denominator of knowledge. + +I made some explanations to The Teacups, the other evening, which +they received very intelligently and graciously, as I have no doubt +the readers of these reports of mine will receive them. If the +reader will turn back to the end of the fourth number of these +papers, he will find certain lines entitled, "Cacoethes Scribendi." +They were said to have been taken from the usual receptacle of the +verses which are contributed by The Teacups, and, though the fact was +not mentioned, were of my own composition. I found them in +manuscript in my drawer, and as my subject had naturally suggested +the train of thought they carried out into extravagance, I printed +them. At the same time they sounded very natural, as we say, and I +felt as if I had published them somewhere or other before; but I +could find no evidence of it, and so I ventured to have them put in +type. + +And here I wish to take breath for a short, separate paragraph. I +have often felt, after writing a line which pleased me more than +common, that it was not new, and perhaps was not my own. I have very +rarely, however, found such a coincidence in ideas or expression as +would be enough to justify an accusation of unconscious plagiarism,-- +conscious plagiarism is not my particular failing. I therefore say +my say, set down my thought, print my line, and do not heed the +suspicion that I may not be as original as I supposed, in the passage +I have been writing. My experience may be worth something to a +modest young writer, and so I have interrupted what I was about to +say by intercalating this paragraph. + +In this instance my telltale suspicion had not been at fault. I had +printed those same lines, years ago, in "The Contributors' Club," to +which I have rarely sent any of my prose or verse. Nobody but the +editor has noticed the fact, so far as I know. This is consoling, or +mortifying, I hardly know which. I suppose one has a right to +plagiarize from himself, but he does not want to present his work as +fresh from the workshop when it has been long standing in his +neighbor's shop-window. + +But I have just received a letter from a brother of the late Henry +Howard Brownell, the poet of the Bay Fight and the River Fight, in +which he quotes a passage from an old book, "A Heroine, Adventures of +Cherubina," which might well have suggested my own lines, if I had +ever seen it. I have not the slightest recollection of the book or +the passage. I think its liveliness and "local color" will make it +please the reader, as it pleases me, more than my own more prosaic +extravagances: + + +LINES TO A PRETTY LITTLE MAID OF MAMMA'S. + +"If Black Sea, Red Sea, White Sea, ran +One tide of ink to Ispahan, +If all the geese in Lincoln fens +Produced spontaneous well-made pens, +If Holland old and Holland new +One wondrous sheet of paper grew, +And could I sing but half the grace +Of half a freckle in thy face, +Each syllable I wrote would reach +From Inverness to Bognor's beach, +Each hair-stroke be a river Rhine, +Each verse an equinoctial line!" + + +"The immediate dismissal of the 'little maid' was the consequence." + +I may as well say that our Delilah was not in the room when the last +sentence was read. + +Readers must be either very good-natured or very careless. I have +laid myself open to criticism by more than one piece of negligence, +which has been passed over without invidious comment by the readers +of my papers. How could I, for instance, have written in my original +"copy" for the printer about the fisherman baiting his hook with a +giant's tail instead of a dragon's? It is the automatic fellow,--Me- +Number-Two of our dual personality,--who does these things, who +forgets the message Me--Number--One sends down to him from the +cerebral convolutions, and substitutes a wrong word for the right +one. I suppose Me--Number--Two will "sass back," and swear that +"giant's" was the message which came down from headquarters. He is +always doing the wrong thing and excusing himself. Who blows out the +gas instead of shutting it off? Who puts the key in the desk and +fastens it tight with the spring lock? Do you mean to say that the +upper Me, the Me of the true thinking-marrow, the convolutions of the +brain, does not know better? Of course he does, and Me-Number-Two is +a careless servant, who remembers some old direction, and follows +that instead of the one just given. + +Number Seven demurred to this, and I am not sure that he is wrong in +so doing. He maintains that the automatic fellow always does just +what he is told to do. Number Five is disposed to agree with him. +We will talk over the question. + +But come, now, why should not a giant have a tail as well as a +dragon? Linnaeus admitted the homo caudatus into his anthropological +catalogue. The human embryo has a very well marked caudal appendage; +that is, the vertebral column appears prolonged, just as it is in a +young quadruped. During the late session of the Medical Congress at +Washington, my friend Dr. Priestley, a distinguished London +physician, of the highest character and standing, showed me the +photograph of a small boy, some three or four years old, who had a +very respectable little tail, which would have passed muster on a +pig, and would have made a frog or a toad ashamed of himself. I have +never heard what became of the little boy, nor have I looked in the +books or journals to find out if there are similar cases on record, +but I have no doubt that there are others. And if boys may have this +additional ornament to their vertebral columns, why not men? And if +men, why not giants? So I may not have made a very bad blunder, +after all, and my reader has learned something about the homo +caudatus as spoken of by Linnxus, and as shown me in photograph by +Dr. Priestley. This child is a candidate for the vacant place of +Missing Link. + +In accounting for the blunders, and even gross blunders, which, +sooner or later, one who writes much is pretty sure to commit, I must +not forget the part played by the blind spot or idiotic area in the +brain, which I have already described. + +The most knowing persons we meet with are sometimes at fault. Nova +onania possumus omnes is not a new nor profound axiom, but it is well +to remember it as a counterpoise to that other truly American saying +of the late Mr. Samuel Patch, "Some things can be done as well as +others." Yes, some things, but not all things. We all know men and +women who hate to admit their ignorance of anything. Like Talkative +in "Pilgrim's Progress," they are ready to converse of "things +heavenly or things earthly; things moral or things evangelical; +things sacred or things profane; things past or things to come; +things foreign or things at home; things more essential or things +circumstantial." + +Talkative is apt to be a shallow fellow, and to say foolish things +about matters he only half understands, and yet he has his place in +society. The specialists would grow to be intolerable, were they not +counterpoised to some degree by the people of general intelligence. +The man who knows too much about one particular subject is liable to +become a terrible social infliction. Some of the worst bores (to use +plain language) we ever meet with are recognized as experts of high +grade in their respective departments. Beware of making so much as a +pinhole in the dam that holds back their knowledge. They ride their +hobbies without bit or bridle. A poet on Pegasus, reciting his own +verses, is hardly more to be dreaded than a mounted specialist. + +One of the best offices which women perform for men is that of +tasting books for them. They may or may not be profound students,-- +some of them are; but we do not expect to meet women like Mrs. +Somerville, or Caroline Herschel, or Maria Mitchell at every dinner- +table or afternoon tea. But give your elect lady a pile of books to +look over for you, and she will tell you what they have for her and +for you in less time than you would have wasted in stupefying +yourself over a single volume. + +One of the encouraging signs of the times is the condensed and +abbreviated form in which knowledge is presented to the general +reader. The short biographies of historic personages, of which +within the past few years many have been published, have been a great +relief to the large class of readers who want to know something, but +not too much, about them. + +What refuge is there for the victim who is oppressed with the feeling +that there are a thousand new books he ought to read, while life is +only long enough for him to attempt to read a hundred? Many readers +remember what old Rogers, the poet, +said: + +"When I hear a new book talked about or have it pressed upon me, I +read an old one." + +Happy the man who finds his rest in the pages of some favorite +classic! I know no reader more to be envied than that friend of mine +who for many years has given his days and nights to the loving study +of Horace. After a certain period in life, it is always with an +effort that we admit a new author into the inner circle of our +intimates. The Parisian omnibuses, as I remember them half a century +ago,--they may still keep to the same habit, for aught that I know,-- +used to put up the sign "Complet" as soon as they were full. Our +public conveyances are never full until the natural atmospheric +pressure of sixteen pounds to the square inch is doubled, in the +close packing of the human sardines that fill the all-accommodating +vehicles. A new-comer, however well mannered and well dressed, is +not very welcome under these circumstances. In the same way, our +tables are full of books half-read and books we feel that we must +read. And here come in two thick volumes, with uncut leaves, in +small type, with many pages, and many lines to a page,--a book that +must be read and ought to be read at once. What a relief to hand it +over to the lovely keeper of your literary conscience, who will tell +you all that you will most care to know about it, and leave you free +to plunge into your beloved volume, in which you are ever finding new +beauties, and from which you rise refreshed, as if you had just come +from the cool waters of Hippocrene! The stream of modern literature +represented by the books and periodicals on the crowded counters is a +turbulent and clamorous torrent, dashing along among the rocks of +criticism, over the pebbles of the world's daily events; trying to +make itself seen and heard amidst the hoarse cries of the politicians +and the rumbling wheels of traffic. The classic is a still lakelet, +a mountain tarn, fed by springs that never fail, its surface never +ruffled by storms,--always the same, always smiling a welcome to its +visitor. Such is Horace to my friend. To his eye "Lydia, dic per +omnes" is as familiar as "Pater noster qui es in caelis" to that of a +pious Catholic. "Integer vitae," which he has put into manly +English, his Horace opens to as Watt's hymn-book opens to "From all +that dwell below the skies." The more he reads, the more he studies +his author, the richer are the treasures he finds. And what Horace +is to him, Homer, or Virgil, or Dante is to many a quiet reader, sick +to death of the unending train of bookmakers. + +I have some curious books in my library, a few of which I should like +to say something about to The Teacups, when they have no more +immediately pressing subjects before them. A library of a few +thousand volumes ought always to have some books in it which the +owner almost never opens, yet with whose backs he is so well +acquainted that he feels as if he knew something of their contents. +They are like those persons whom we meet in our daily walks, with +whose faces and figures, whose summer and winter garments, whose +walking-sticks and umbrellas even, we feel acquainted, and yet whose +names, whose business, whose residences, we know nothing about. Some +of these books are so formidable in their dimensions, so rusty and +crabbed in their aspect, that it takes a considerable amount of +courage to attack them. + +I will ask Delilah to bring down from my library a very thick, stout +volume, bound in parchment, and standing on the lower shelf, next the +fireplace. The pretty handmaid knows my books almost as if she were +my librarian, and I don't doubt she would have found it if I had +given only the name on the back. + +Delilah returned presently, with the heavy quarto in her arms. It +was a pleasing sight,--the old book in the embrace of the fresh young +damsel. I felt, on looking at them, as I did when I followed the +slip of a girl who conducted us in the Temple, that ancient building +in the heart of London. The long-enduring monuments of the dead do +so mock the fleeting presence of the living! + +Is n't this book enough to scare any of you? I said, as Delilah +dumped it down upon the table. The teacups jumped from their saucers +as it thumped on the board. Danielis Georgii Morhofii Polyhistor, +Literarius, Philosophicus et Poeticus. Lubecae MDCCXXXIII. Perhaps +I should not have ventured to ask you to look at this old volume, if +it had not been for the fact that Dr. Johnson mentions Morohof as the +author to whom he was specially indebted.--more, I think, than to +any other. It is a grand old encyclopaedic summary of all the author +knew about pretty nearly everything, full of curious interest, but so +strangely mediaeval, so utterly antiquated in most departments of +knowledge, that it is hard to believe the volume came from the press +at a time when persons whom I well remember were living. Is it +possible that the books which have been for me what Morhof was for +Dr. Johnson can look like that to the student of the year 1990? + +Morhof was a believer in magic and the transmutation of metals. +There was always something fascinating to me in the old books of +alchemy. I have felt that the poetry of science lost its wings when +the last powder of projection had been cast into the crucible, and +the fire of the last transmutation furnace went out. Perhaps I am +wrong in implying that alchemy is an extinct folly. It existed in +New England's early days, as we learn from the Winthrop papers, and I +see no reason why gold-making should not have its votaries as well as +other popular delusions. + +Among the essays of Morhof is one on the "Paradoxes of the Senses." +That title brought to mind the recollection of another work I have +been meaning to say something about, at some time when you were in +the listening mood. The book I refer to is "A Budget of Paradoxes," +by Augustus De Morgan. De Morgan is well remembered as a very +distinguished mathematician, whose works have kept his name in high +honor to the present time. The book I am speaking of was published +by his widow, and is largely made up of letters received by him and +his comments upon them. Few persons ever read it through. Few +intelligent readers ever took it up and laid it down without taking a +long draught of its singular and interesting contents. The letters +are mostly from that class of persons whom we call "cranks," in our +familiar language. + +At this point Number Seven interrupted me by calling out, "Give us +some of those cranks' letters. A crank is a man who does his own +thinking. I had a relation who was called a crank. I believe I have +been spoken of as one myself. That is what you have to expect if you +invent anything that puts an old machine out of fashion, or solve a +problem that has puzzled all the world up to your time. There never +was a religion founded but its Messiah was called a crank. There +never was an idea started that woke up men out of their stupid +indifference but its originator was spoken of as a crank. Do you +want to know why that name is given to the men who do most for the +world's progress? I will tell you. It is because cranks make all +the wheels in all the machinery of the world go round. What would a +steam-engine be without a crank? I suppose the first fool that +looked on the first crank that was ever made asked what that crooked, +queer-looking thing was good for. When the wheels got moving he +found out. Tell us something about that book which has so much to +say concerning cranks." + +Hereupon I requested Delilah to carry back Morhof, and replace him in +the wide gap he had left in the bookshelf. She was then to find and +bring down the volume I had been speaking of. + +Delilah took the wisdom of the seventeenth century in her arms, and +departed on her errand. The book she brought down was given me some +years ago by a gentleman who had sagaciously foreseen that it was +just one of those works which I might hesitate about buying, but +should be well pleased to own. He guessed well; the book has been a +great source of instruction and entertainment to me. I wonder that +so much time and cost should have been expended upon a work which +might have borne a title like the Encomium Moriae of Erasmus; and yet +it is such a wonderful museum of the productions of the squinting +brains belonging to the class of persons commonly known as cranks +that we could hardly spare one of its five hundred octavo pages. + +Those of us who are in the habit of receiving letters from all sorts +of would-be-literary people--letters of inquiry, many of them with +reference to matters we are supposed to understand--can readily see +how it was that Mr. De Morgan, never too busy to be good-natured with +the people who pestered--or amused-him with their queer fancies, +received such a number of letters from persons who thought they had +made great discoveries, from those who felt that they and their +inventions and contrivances had been overlooked, and who sought in +his large charity of disposition and great receptiveness a balm for +their wounded feelings and a ray of hope for their darkened +prospects. + +The book before us is made up from papers published in "The +Athenaeum," with additions by the author. Soon after opening it we +come to names with which we are familiar, the first of these, that of +Cornelius Agrippa, being connected with the occult and mystic +doctrines dealt with by many of De Morgan's correspondents. But the +name most likely to arrest us is that of Giordano Bruno, the same +philosopher, heretic, and martyr whose statue has recently been +erected in Rome, to the great horror of the Pope and his prelates in +the Old World and in the New. De Morgan's pithy account of him will +interest the company: "Giordano Bruno was all paradox. He was, as +has been said, a vorticist before Descartes, an optimist before +Leibnitz, a Copernican before Galileo. It would be easy to collect a +hundred strange opinions of his. He was born about 1550, and was +roasted alive at Rome, February 17, 1600, for the maintenance and +defence of the Holy Church, and the rights and liberties of the +same." + +Number Seven could not contain himself when the reading had reached +this point. He rose from his chair, and tinkled his spoon against +the side of his teacup. It may have been a fancy, but I thought it +returned a sound which Mr. Richard Briggs would have recognized as +implying an organic defect. But Number Seven did not seem to notice +it, or, if be did, to mind it. + +"Why did n't we all have a chance to help erect that statue?" he +cried. "A murdered heretic at the beginning of the seventeenth +century, a hero of knowledge in the nineteenth,--I drink to the +memory of the roasted crank, Giordano Bruno!" + +Number Seven lifted his teacup to his lips, and most of us followed +his example. + +After this outburst of emotion and eloquence had subsided, and the +teaspoons lay quietly in their saucers, I went on with my extract +from the book I had in hand. + +I think, I said, that the passage which follows will be new and +instructive to most of the company. De Morgan's interpretation of +the cabalistic sentence, made up as you will find it, is about as +ingenious a piece of fanciful exposition as you will be likely to +meet with anywhere in any book, new or old. I am the more willing to +mention it as it suggests a puzzle which some of the company may like +to work upon. Observe the character and position of the two +distinguished philosophers who did not think their time thrown away +in laboring at this seemingly puerile task. + +"There is a kind of Cabbala Alphabetica which the investigators of +the numerals in words would do well to take up; it is the formation +of sentences which contain all the letters of the alphabet, and each +only once. No one has done it with v and j treated as consonants; +but you and I can do it. Dr. Whewell and I amused ourselves some +years ago with attempts. He could not make sense, though he joined +words he gave me Phiz, styx, wrong, buck, flame, quiz. + +"I gave him the following, which he agreed was 'admirable sense,'-- +I certainly think the words would never have come together except in +this way: I quartz pyx who fling muck beds. I long thought that no +human being could say this under any circumstances. At last I +happened to be reading a religious writer,--as he thought himself,-- +who threw aspersions on his opponents thick and threefold. Heyday +came into my head; this fellow flings muck beds; he must be a quartz +pyx. And then I remembered that a pyx is a sacred vessel, and quartz +is a hard stone, as hard as the heart of a religious foe-curser. So +that the line is the motto of the ferocious sectarian who turns his +religious vessels into mud-holders, for the benefit of those who will +not see what he sees." + +"There are several other sentences given, in which all the letters +(except v and j as consonants) are employed, of which the following +is the best: Get nymph; quiz sad brow; fix luck,--which in more sober +English would be, Marry; be cheerful; watch your business. There is +more edification, more religion, in this than in all the 666 +interpretations put together." + +There is something very pleasant in the thought of these two sages +playing at jackstraws with the letters of the alphabet. The task +which De Morgan and Dr. Whewell, "the omniscient," set themselves +would not be unworthy of our own ingenious scholars, and it might be +worth while for some one of our popular periodicals to offer a prize +for the best sentence using up the whole alphabet, under the same +conditions as those submitted to by our two philosophers. + +This whole book of De Morgan's seems to me full of instruction. +There is too much of it, no doubt; yet one can put up with the +redundancy for the sake of the multiplicity of shades of credulity +and self-deception it displays in broad daylight. I suspect many of +us are conscious of a second personality in our complex nature, which +has many traits resembling those found in the writers of the letters +addressed to Mr. De Horgan. + +I have not ventured very often nor very deeply into the field of +metaphysics, but if I were disposed to make any claim in that +direction, it would be the recognition of the squinting brain, the +introduction of the term "cerebricity" corresponding to electricity, +the idiotic area in the brain or thinking-marrow, and my studies of +the second member in the partnership of I-My-Self & Co. I add the +Co. with especial reference to a very interesting article in a late +Scribner, by my friend Mr. William James. In this article the reader +will find a full exposition of the doctrine of plural personality +illustrated by striking cases. I have long ago noticed and referred +to the fact of the stratification of the currents of thought in three +layers, one over the other. I have recognized that where there are +two individuals talking together there are really six personalities +engaged in the conversation. But the distinct, separable, +independent individualities, taking up conscious life one after the +other, are brought out by Mr. James and the authorities to which he +refers as I have not elsewhere seen them developed. + +Whether we shall ever find the exact position of the idiotic centre +or area in the brain (if such a spot exists) is uncertain. We know +exactly where the blind spot of the eye is situated, and can +demonstrate it anatomically and physiologically. But we have only +analogy to lead us to infer the possible or even probable existence +of an insensible spot in the thinking-centre. If there is a focal +point where consciousness is at its highest development, it would not +be strange if near by there should prove to be an anaesthetic +district or limited space where no report from the senses was +intelligently interpreted. But all this is mere hypothesis. + +Notwithstanding the fact that I am nominally the head personage of +the circle of Teacups, I do not pretend or wish to deny that we all +look to Number Five as our chief adviser in all the literary +questions that come before us. She reads more and better than any of +us. She is always ready to welcome the first sign of genius, or of +talent which approaches genius. She makes short work with all the +pretenders whose only excuse for appealing to the public is that they +"want to be famous." She is one of the very few persons to whom I am +willing to read any one of my own productions while it is yet in +manuscript, unpublished. I know she is disposed to make more of it +than it deserves; but, on the other hand, there are degrees in her +scale of judgment, and I can distinguish very easily what delights +her from what pleases only, or is, except for her kindly feeling to +the writer, indifferent, or open to severe comment. What is curious +is that she seems to have no literary aspirations, no desire to be +known as a writer. Yet Number Five has more esprit, more sparkle, +more sense in her talk, than many a famous authoress from whom we +should expect brilliant conversation. + +There are mysteries about Number Five. I am not going to describe +her personally. Whether she belongs naturally among the bright young +people, or in the company of the maturer persons, who have had a good +deal of experience of the world, and have reached the wisdom of the +riper decades without losing the graces of the earlier ones, it would +be hard to say. The men and women, young and old, who throng about +her forget their own ages. "There is no such thing as time in her +presence," said the Professor, the other day, in speaking of her. +Whether the Professor is in love with her or not is more than I can +say, but I am sure that he goes to her for literary sympathy and +counsel, just as I do. The reader may remember what Number Five said +about the possibility of her getting a sprained ankle, and her asking +the young Doctor whether he felt equal to taking charge of her if she +did. I would not for the world insinuate that he wishes she would +slip and twist her foot a little,--just a little, you know, but so +that it would have to be laid on a pillow in a chair, and inspected, +and bandaged, and delicately manipulated. There was a banana-skin +which she might naturally have trodden on, in her way to the tea- +table. Nobody can suppose that it was there except by the most +innocent of accidents. There are people who will suspect everybody. +The idea of the Doctor's putting that banana-skin there! People love +to talk in that silly way about doctors. + +Number Five had promised to read us a narrative which she thought +would interest some of the company. Who wrote it she did not tell +us, but I inferred from various circumstances that she had known the +writer. She read the story most effectively in her rich, musical +voice. I noticed that when it came to the sounds of the striking +clock, the ringing of the notes was so like that which reaches us +from some far-off cathedral tower that we wanted to bow our heads, as +if we had just heard a summons to the Angelus. This was the short +story that Number Five read to The Teacups:-- + + +I have somewhere read this anecdote. Louis the Fourteenth was +looking out, one day, from, a window of his palace of Saint-Germain. +It was a beautiful landscape which spread out before him, and the +monarch, exulting in health, strength, and the splendors of his +exalted position, felt his bosom swell with emotions of pride and +happiness: Presently he noticed the towers of a church in the +distance, above the treetops. "What building is that?" he asked. +"May it please your Majesty, that is the Church of St. Denis, where +your royal ancestors have been buried for many generations." The +answer did not "please his Royal Majesty." There, then, was the +place where he too was to lie and moulder in the dust. He turned, +sick at heart, from the window, and was uneasy until he had built him +another palace, from which he could never be appalled by that fatal +prospect. + +Something like the experience of Louis the Fourteenth was that of the +owner of + + + THE TERRIBLE CLOCK. + +I give the story as transcribed from the original manuscript:-- + +The clock was bequeathed to me by an old friend who had recently +died. His mind had been a good deal disordered in the later period +of his life. This clock, I am told; seemed to have a strange +fascination for him. His eyes were fastened on it during the last +hours of his life. He died just at midnight. The clock struck +twelve, the nurse told me, as he drew his last breath, and then, +without any known cause, stopped, with both hands upon the hour. + +It is a complex and costly piece of mechanism. The escapement is in +front, so that every tooth is seen as it frees itself. It shows the +phases of the moon, the month of the year, the day of the month, and +the day of the week, as well as the hour and minute of the day. + +I had not owned it a week before I began to perceive the same kind of +fascination as that which its former owner had experienced. This +gradually grew upon me, and presently led to trains of thought which +became at first unwelcome, then worrying, and at last unendurable. I +began by taking offence at the moon. I did not like to see that +"something large and smooth and round," so like the skull which +little Peterkin picked up on the field of Blenheim. "How many +times," I kept saying to myself, "is that wicked old moon coming up +to stare at me?" I could not stand it. I stopped a part of the +machinery, and the moon went into permanent eclipse. By and by the +sounds of the infernal machine began to trouble and pursue me. They +talked to me; more and more their language became that of +articulately speaking men. They twitted me with the rapid flight of +time. They hurried me, as if I had not a moment to lose. Quick! +Quick! Quick! as each tooth released itself from the escapement. And +as I looked and listened there could not be any mistake about it. I +heard Quick! Quick! Quick! as plainly, at least, as I ever heard a +word from the phonograph. I stood watching the dial one day,--it was +near one o'clock,--and a strange attraction held me fastened to the +spot. Presently something appeared to trip or stumble inside of the +infernal mechanism. I waited for the sound I knew was to follow. +How nervous I got! It seemed to me that it would never strike. At +last the minute-hand reached the highest point of the dial. Then +there was a little stir among the works, as there is in a +congregation as it rises to receive the benediction. It was no form +of blessing which rung out those deep, almost sepulchral tones. But +the word they uttered could not be mistaken. I can hear its +prolonged, solemn vibrations as if I were standing before the clock +at this moment. + +Gone! Yes, I said to myself, gone,--its record made up to be opened +in eternity. + +I stood still, staring vaguely at the dial as in a trance. And as +the next hour creeps stealthily up, it starts all at once, and cries +aloud, Gone!--Gone! The sun sinks lower, the hour-hand creeps +downward with it, until I hear the thrice-repeated monosyllable, +Gone!--Gone!--Gone! Soon through the darkening hours, until at the +dead of night the long roll is called, and with the last Gone! the +latest of the long procession that filled the day follows its ghostly +companions into the stillness and darkness of the past. + +I silenced the striking part of the works. Still, the escapement +kept repeating, Quick! Quick! Quick! Still the long minute-hand, +like the dart in the grasp of Death, as we see it in Roubiliac's +monument to Mrs. Nightingale, among the tombs of Westminster Abbey, +stretched itself out, ready to transfix each hour as it passed, and +make it my last. I sat by the clock to watch the leap from one day +of the week to the next. Then would come, in natural order, the long +stride from one month to the following one. + +I could endure it no longer. "Take that clock away!" I said. They +took it away. They took me away, too,--they thought I needed country +air. The sounds and motions still pursued me in imagination. I was +very nervous when I came here. The walks are pleasant, but the walls +seem to me unnecessarily high. The boarders are numerous; a little +miscellaneous, I think. But we have the Queen, and the President of +the United States, and several other distinguished persons, if we may +trust what they tell about themselves. + +After we had listened to Number Five's story, I was requested to read +a couple of verses written by me when the guest of my friends, whose +name is hinted by the title prefixed to my lines. + + LA MAISON D'OR. + + BAR HARBOR. + +From this fair home behold on either side +The restful mountains or the restless sea: +So the warm sheltering walls of life divide +Time and its tides from still eternity. + +Look on the waves: their stormy voices teach +That not on earth may toil and struggle cease. +Look on the mountains: better far than speech +Their silent promise of eternal peace. + + + + +VIII. + +I had intended to devote this particular report to an account of my +replies to certain questions which have been addressed to me,-- +questions which I have a right to suppose interest the public, and +which, therefore, I was justified in bringing before The Teacups, and +presenting to the readers of these articles. + +Some may care for one of these questions, and some for another. A +good many young people think nothing about life as it presents itself +in the far horizon, bounded by the snowy ridges of threescore and the +dim peaks beyond that remote barrier. Again, there are numbers of +persons who know nothing at all about the Jews; while, on the other +hand, there are those who can, or think they can, detect the +Israelitish blood in many of their acquaintances who believe +themselves of the purest Japhetic origin, and are full of prejudices +about the Semitic race. + +I do not mean to be cheated out of my intentions. I propose to +answer my questioners on the two points just referred to, but I find +myself so much interested in the personal affairs of The Teacups that +I must deal with them before attacking those less exciting subjects. +There is no use, let me say here, in addressing to me letters marked +"personal," "private," "confidential," and so forth, asking me how I +came to know what happened in certain conversations of which I shall +give a partial account. If there is a very sensitive phonograph +lying about here and there in unsuspected corners, that might account +for some part of my revelations. If Delilah, whose hearing is of +almost supernatural delicacy, reports to me what she overhears, it +might explain a part of the mystery. I do not want to accuse +Delilah, but a young person who assures me she can hear my watch +ticking in my pocket, when I am in the next room, might undoubtedly +tell many secrets, if so disposed. Number Five is pretty nearly +omniscient, and she and I are on the best terms with each other. +These are all the hints I shall give you at present. + +The Teacups of whom the least has been heard at our table are the +Tutor and the Musician. The Tutor is a modest young man, kept down a +little, I think, by the presence of older persons, like the Professor +and myself. I have met him several times, of late, walking with +different lady Teacups: once with the American Annex; twice with the +English Annex; once with the two Annexes together; once with Number +Five. + +I have mentioned the fact that the Tutor is a poet as among his +claims to our attention. I must add that I do not think any the +worse of him for expressing his emotions and experiences in verse. +For though rhyming is often a bad sign in a young man, especially if +he is already out of his teens, there are those to whom it is as +natural, one might almost say as necessary, as it is to a young bird +to fly. One does not care to see barnyard fowls tumbling about in +trying to use their wings. They have a pair of good, stout +drumsticks, and had better keep to them, for the most part. But that +feeling does not apply to young eagles, or even to young swallows and +sparrows. The Tutor is by no means one of those ignorant, silly, +conceited phrase-tinklers, who live on the music of their own +jingling syllables and the flattery of their foolish friends. I +think Number Five must appreciate him. He is sincere, warmhearted,-- +his poetry shows that,--not in haste to be famous, and he looks to me +as if he only wanted love to steady him. With one of those two young +girls he ought certainly to be captivated, if he is not already. +Twice walking with the English Annex, I met him, and they were so +deeply absorbed in conversation they hardly noticed me. He has been +talking over the matter with Number Five, who is just the kind of +person for a confidante. + +"I know I feel very lonely," he was saying, "and I only wish I felt +sure that I could make another person happy. My life would be +transfigured if I could find such a one, whom I could love well +enough to give my life to her,--for her, if that were needful, and +who felt an affinity for me, if any one could." + +"And why not your English maiden?" said Number Five. + +"What makes you think I care more for her than for her American +friend?" said the Tutor. + +"Why, have n't I met you walking with her, and did n't you both seem +greatly interested in the subject you were discussing? I thought, of +course, it was something more or less sentimental that you were +talking about." + +"I was explaining that 'enclitic de' in Browning's Grammarian's +Funeral. I don't think there was anything very sentimental about +that. She is an inquisitive creature, that English girl. She is +very fond of asking me questions,--in fact, both of them are. There +is one curious difference between them: the English girl settles down +into her answers and is quiet; the American girl is never satisfied +with yesterday's conclusions; she is always reopening old questions +in the light of some new fact or some novel idea. I suppose that +people bred from childhood to lean their backs against the wall of +the Creed and the church catechism find it hard to sit up straight on +the republican stool, which obliges them to stiffen their own backs. +Which of these two girls would be the safest choice for a young man? +I should really like to hear what answer yon would make if I +consulted you seriously, with a view to my own choice,--on the +supposition that there was a fair chance that either of them might be +won." + +"The one you are in love with," answered Number Five. + +"But what if it were a case of 'How happy could I be with either'? +Which offers the best chance of happiness,--a marriage between two +persons of the same country, or a marriage where one of the parties +is of foreign birth? Everything else being equal, which is best for +an American to marry, an American or an English girl? We need not +confine the question to those two young persons, but put it more +generally." + +"There are reasons on both sides," answered Number Five. "I have +often talked this matter over with The Dictator. This is the way he +speaks about it. English blood is apt to tell well on the stock upon +which it is engrafted. Over and over again he has noticed finely +grown specimens of human beings, and on inquiry has found that one or +both of the parents or grandparents were of British origin. The +chances are that the descendants of the imported stock will be of a +richer organization, more florid, more muscular, with mellower +voices, than the native whose blood has been unmingled with that of +new emigrants since the earlier colonial times.--So talks The +Dictator.--I myself think the American will find his English wife +concentrates herself more readily and more exclusively on her +husband,--for the obvious reason that she is obliged to live mainly +in him. I remember hearing an old friend of my early days say, +'A woman does not bear transplanting.' It does not do to trust these +old sayings, and yet they almost always have some foundation in the +experience of mankind, which has repeated them from generation to +generation. Happy is the married woman of foreign birth who can say +to her husband, as Andromache said to Hector, after enumerating all +the dear relatives she had lost, + + "'Yet while my hector still survives, + I see My father, mother, brethren, all in thee!' + +"How many a sorrowing wife, exiled from her native country, dreams of +the mother she shall see no more! How many a widow, in a strange +land, wishes that her poor, worn-out body could be laid among her +kinsfolk, in the little churchyard where she used to gather daisies +in her childhood! It takes a great deal of love to keep down the +'climbing sorrow' that swells up in a woman's throat when such +memories seize upon her, in her moments of desolation. But if a +foreign-born woman does willingly give up all for a man, and never +looks backward, like Lot's wife, she is a prize that it is worth +running a risk to gain,--that is, if she has the making of a good +woman in her; and a few years will go far towards naturalizing her." + +The Tutor listened to Number Five with much apparent interest. "And +now," he said, "what do you think of her companion?" + +"A charming girl for a man of a quiet, easy temperament. The great +trouble is with her voice. It is pitched a full note too high. It +is aggressive, disturbing, and would wear out a nervous man without +his ever knowing what was the matter with him. A good many crazy +Northern people would recover their reason if they could live for a +year or two among the blacks of the Southern States. But the +penetrating, perturbing quality of the voices of many of our Northern +women has a great deal to answer for in the way of determining love +and friendship. You remember that dear friend of ours who left us +not long since? If there were more voices like hers, the world would +be a different place to live in. I do not believe any man or woman +ever came within the range of those sweet, tranquil tones without +being hushed, captivated, entranced I might almost say, by their +calming, soothing influence. Can you not imagine the tones in which +those words, 'Peace, be still,' were spoken? Such was the effect of +the voice to which but a few weeks ago we were listening. It is hard +to believe that it has died out of human consciousness. Can such a +voice be spared from that world of happiness to which we fondly look +forward, where we love to dream, if we do not believe with assured +conviction, that whatever is loveliest in this our mortal condition +shall be with us again as an undying possession? Your English friend +has a very agreeable voice, round, mellow, cheery, and her +articulation is charming. Other things being equal, I think you, who +are, perhaps, oversensitive, would live from two to three years +longer with her than with the other. I suppose a man who lived +within hearing of a murmuring brook would find his life shortened if +a sawmill were set up within earshot of his dwelling." + +"And so you advise me to make love to the English girl, do you?" +asked the Tutor. + +Number Five laughed. It was not a loud laugh, she never laughed +noisily; it was not a very hearty laugh; the idea did not seem to +amuse her much. + +"No," she said, "I won't take the responsibility. Perhaps this is a +case in which the true reading of Gay's line would be + + "How happy could I be with neither. + +"There are several young women in the world besides our two Annexes." + +I question whether the Tutor had asked those questions very +seriously, and I doubt if Number Five thought he was very much in +earnest. + + +One of The Teacups reminded me that I had promised to say something +of my answers to certain questions. So I began at once: + +I have given the name of brain-tappers to the literary operatives who +address persons whose names are well known to the public, asking +their opinions or their experiences on subjects which are at the time +of general interest. They expect a literary man or a scientific +expert to furnish them materials for symposia and similar articles, +to be used by them for their own special purposes. Sometimes they +expect to pay for the information furnished them; at other times, the +honor of being included in a list of noted personages who have +received similar requests is thought sufficient compensation. The +object with which the brain-tapper puts his questions may be a purely +benevolent and entirely disinterested one. Such was the object of +some of those questions which I have received and answered. There +are other cases, in which the brain-tapper is acting much as those +persons do who stop a physician in the street to talk with him about +their livers or stomachs, or other internal arrangements, instead of +going to his office and consulting him, expecting to pay for his +advice. Others are more like those busy women who, having the +generous intention of making a handsome present to their pastor, at +as little expense as may be, send to all their neighbors and +acquaintances for scraps of various materials, out of which the +imposing "bedspread" or counterpane is to be elaborated. + +That is all very well so long as old pieces of stuff are all they +call for, but it is a different matter to ask for clippings out of +new and uncut rolls of cloth. So it is one thing to ask an author +for liberty to use extracts from his published writings, and it is a +very different thing to expect him to write expressly for the +editor's or compiler's piece of literary patchwork. + +I have received many questions within the last year or two, some of +which I am willing to answer, but prefer to answer at my own time, in +my own way, through my customary channel of communication with the +public. I hope I shall not be misunderstood as implying any reproach +against the inquirers who, in order to get at facts which ought to be +known, apply to all whom they can reach for information. Their +inquisitiveness is not always agreeable or welcome, but we ought to +be glad that there are mousing fact-hunters to worry us with queries +to which, for the sake of the public, we are bound to give our +attention. Let me begin with my brain-tappers. + +And first, as the papers have given publicity to the fact that I, The +Dictator of this tea-table, have reached the age of threescore years +and twenty, I am requested to give information as to how I managed to +do it, and to explain just how they can go and do likewise. I think +I can lay down a few rules that will help them to the desired result. +There is no certainty in these biological problems, but there are +reasonable probabilities upon which it is safe to act. + +The first thing to be done is, some years before birth, to advertise +for a couple of parents both belonging to long-lived families. +Especially let the mother come of a race in which octogenarians and +nonagenarians are very common phenomena. There are practical +difficulties in following out this suggestion, but possibly the +forethought of your progenitors, or that concurrence of circumstances +which we call accident, may have arranged this for you. + +Do not think that a robust organization is any warrant of long life, +nor that a frail and slight bodily constitution necessarily means +scanty length of days. Many a strong-limbed young man and many a +blooming young woman have I seen failing and dropping away in or +before middle life, and many a delicate and slightly constituted +person outliving the athletes and the beauties of their generation. +Whether the excessive development of the muscular system is +compatible with the best condition of general health is, I think, +more than doubtful. The muscles are great sponges that suck up and +make use of large quantities of blood, and the other organs must be +liable to suffer for want of their share. + +One of the Seven Wise Men of Greece boiled his wisdom down into two +words,--NOTHING TOO MUCH. It is a rule which will apply to food, +exercise, labor, sleep, and, in short, to every part of life. This +is not so very difficult a matter if one begins in good season and +forms regular habits. But what if I should lay down the rule, Be +cheerful; take all the troubles and trials of life with perfect +equanimity and a smiling countenance? Admirable directions! Your +friend, the curly-haired blonde, with florid complexion, round +cheeks, the best possible digestion and respiration, the stomach of +an ostrich and the lungs of a pearl-diver, finds it perfectly easy to +carry them into practice. You, of leaden complexion, with black and +lank hair, lean, hollow-eyed, dyspeptic, nervous, find it not so easy +to be always hilarious and happy. The truth is that the persons of +that buoyant disposition which comes always heralded by a smile, as a +yacht driven by a favoring breeze carries a wreath of sparkling foam +before her, are born with their happiness ready made. They cannot +help being cheerful any more than their saturnine fellow-mortal can +help seeing everything through the cloud he carries with him. I give +you the precept, then, Be cheerful, for just what it is worth, as I +would recommend to you to be six feet, or at least five feet ten, in +stature. You cannot settle that matter for yourself, but you can +stand up straight, and give your five feet five its--full value. +You can help along a little by wearing high-heeled shoes. So you can +do something to encourage yourself in serenity of aspect and +demeanor, keeping your infirmities and troubles in the background +instead of making them the staple of your conversation. This piece +of advice, if followed, may be worth from three to five years of the +fourscore which you hope to attain. + +If, on the other hand, instead of going about cheerily in society, +making the best of everything and as far as possible forgetting your +troubles, you can make up your mind to economize all your stores of +vital energy, to hoard your life as a miser hoards his money, you +will stand a fair chance of living until you are tired of life,-- +fortunate if everybody is not tired of you. + +One of my prescriptions for longevity may startle you somewhat. It +is this: Become the subject of a mortal disease. Let half a dozen +doctors thump you, and knead you, and test you in every possible way, +and render their verdict that you have an internal complaint; they +don't know exactly what it is, but it will certainly kill you by and +by. Then bid farewell to the world and shut yourself up for an +invalid. If you are threescore years old when you begin this mode of +life, you may very probably last twenty years, and there you are,--an +octogenarian. In the mean time, your friends outside have been +dropping off, one after another, until you find yourself almost +alone, nursing your mortal complaint as if it were your baby, hugging +it and kept alive by it,--if to exist is to live. Who has not seen +cases like this,--a man or a woman shutting himself or herself up, +visited by a doctor or a succession of doctors (I remember that once, +in my earlier experience, I was the twenty-seventh physician who had +been consulted), always taking medicine, until everybody was reminded +of that impatient speech of a relative of one of these invalid +vampires who live on the blood of tired-out attendants, "I do wish +she would get well--or something"? Persons who are shut up in that +way, confined to their chambers, sometimes to their beds, have a very +small amount of vital expenditure, and wear out very little of their +living substance. They are like lamps with half their wicks picked +down, and will continue to burn when other lamps have used up all +their oil. An insurance office might make money by taking no risks +except on lives of persons suffering from mortal disease. It is on +this principle of economizing the powers of life that a very eminent +American physician,--Dr. Weir Mitchell, a man of genius,--has +founded his treatment of certain cases of nervous exhaustion. + +What have I got to say about temperance, the use of animal food, and +so forth? These are questions asked me. Nature has proved a wise +teacher, as I think, in my own case. The older I grow, the less use +I make of alcoholic stimulants. In fact, I hardly meddle with them +at all, except a glass or two of champagne occasionally. I find that +by far the best borne of all drinks containing alcohol. I do not +suppose my experience can be the foundation of a universal rule. Dr. +Holyoke, who lived to be a hundred, used habitually, in moderate +quantities, a mixture of cider, water, and rum. I think, as one +grows older, less food, especially less animal food, is required. +But old people have a right to be epicures, if they can afford it. +The pleasures of the palate are among the last gratifications of the +senses allowed them. We begin life as little cannibals,--feeding on +the flesh and blood of our mothers. We range through all the +vegetable and animal products, of nature, and I suppose, if the +second childhood could return to the food of the first, it might +prove a wholesome diet. + +What do I say to smoking? I cannot grudge an old man his pipe, but I +think tobacco often does a good deal of harm to the health,--to the +eyes especially, to the nervous system generally, producing headache, +palpitation, and trembling. I myself gave it up many years ago. +Philosophically speaking, I think self-narcotization and self- +alcoholization are rather ignoble substitutes for undisturbed self- +consciousness and unfettered self-control. + +Here is another of those brain-tapping letters, of similar character, +which I have no objection to answering at my own time and in the +place which best suits me. As the questions must be supposed to be +asked with a purely scientific and philanthropic purpose, it can make +little difference when and where they are answered. For myself, I +prefer our own tea-table to the symposia to which I am often invited. +I do not quarrel with those who invite their friends to a banquet to +which many strangers are expected to contribute. It is a very easy +and pleasant way of giving an entertainment at little cost and with +no responsibility. Somebody has been writing to me about "Oatmeal +and Literature," and somebody else wants to know whether I have found +character influenced by diet; also whether, in my opinion, oatmeal is +preferable to pie as an American national food. + +In answer to these questions, I should say that I have my beliefs and +prejudices; but if I were pressed hard for my proofs of their +correctness, I should make but a poor show in the witness-box. Most +assuredly I do believe that body and mind are much influenced by the +kind of food habitually depended upon. I am persuaded that a too +exclusively porcine diet gives a bristly character to the beard and +hair, which is borrowed from the animal whose tissues these stiff- +bearded compatriots of ours have too largely assimilated. I can +never stray among the village people of our windy capes without now +and then coming upon a human being who looks as if he had been split, +salted, and dried, like the salt-fish which has built up his arid +organism. If the body is modified by the food which nourishes it, +the mind and character very certainly will be modified by it also. +We know enough of their close connection with each other to be sure +of that, without any statistical observations to prove it. + +Do you really want to know "whether oatmeal is preferable to pie as +an American national food"? I suppose the best answer I can give to +your question is to tell you what is my own practice. Oatmeal in the +morning, as an architect lays a bed of concrete to form a base for +his superstructure. Pie when I can get it; that is, of the genuine +sort, for I am not patriotic enough to think very highly of the +article named after the Father of his Country, who was first in war, +first in peace,--not first in pies, according to my standard. + +There is a very odd prejudice against pie as an article of diet. It +is common to hear every form of bodily degeneracy and infirmity +attributed to this particular favorite food. I see no reason or +sense in it. Mr. Emerson believed in pie, and was almost indignant +when a fellow-traveller refused the slice he offered him. "Why, +Mr.________ ," said be, "what is pie made for!" If every Green +Mountain boy has not eaten a thousand times his weight in apple, +pumpkin, squash, and mince pie, call me a dumpling. And Colonel +Ethan Allen was one of them,--Ethan Allen, who, as they used to say, +could wrench off the head of a wrought nail with his teeth. + +If you mean to keep as well as possible, the less you think about +your health the better. You know enough not to eat or drink what you +have found does not agree with you. You ought to know enough not to +expose yourself needlessly to draughts. If you take a +"constitutional," walk with the wind when you can, and take a closed +car against it if you can get one. Walking against the wind is one +of the most dangerous kinds of exposure, if you are sensitive to +cold. But except a few simple rules such as I have just given, let +your health take care of itself so long as it behaves decently. If +you want to be sure not to reach threescore and twenty, get a little +box of homoeopathic pellets and a little book of homeopathic +prescriptions. I had a poor friend who fell into that way, and +became at last a regular Hahnemaniac. He left a box of his little +jokers, which at last came into my hands. The poor fellow had +cultivated symptoms as other people cultivate roses or +chrysanthemums. What a luxury of choice his imagination presented to +him! When one watches for symptoms, every organ in the body is ready +to put in its claim. By and by a real illness attacked him, and the +box of little pellets was shut up, to minister to his fancied evils +no longer. + +Let me tell you one thing. I think if patients and physicians were +in the habit of recognizing the fact I am going to mention, both +would be gainers. The law I refer to must be familiar to all +observing physicians, and to all intelligent persons who have +observed their own bodily and mental conditions. This is the curve +of health. It is a mistake to suppose that the normal state of +health is represented by a straight horizontal line. Independently +of the well-known causes which raise or depress the standard of +vitality, there seems to be,--I think I may venture to say there is, +--a rhythmic undulation in the flow of the vital force. The "dynamo" +which furnishes the working powers of consciousness and action has +its annual, its monthly, its diurnal waves, even its momentary +ripples, in the current it furnishes. There are greater and lesser +curves in the movement of every day's life,--a series of ascending +and descending movements, a periodicity depending on the very nature +of the force at work in the living organism. Thus we have our good +seasons and our bad seasons, our good days and our bad days, life +climbing and descending in long or short undulations, which I have +called the curve of health. + +From this fact spring a great proportion of the errors of medical +practice. On it are based the delusions of the various shadowy +systems which impose themselves on the ignorant and half-learned +public as branches or "schools" of science. A remedy taken at the +time of the ascent in the curve of health is found successful. The +same remedy taken while the curve is in its downward movement proves +a failure. + +So long as this biological law exists, so long the charlatan will +keep his hold on the ignorant public. So long as it exists, the +wisest practitioner will be liable to deceive himself about the +effect of what he calls and loves to think are his remedies. Long- +continued and sagacious observation will to some extent undeceive +him; but were it not for the happy illusion that his useless or even +deleterious drugs were doing good service, many a practitioner would +give up his calling for one in which he could be more certain that he +was really being useful to the subjects of his professional dealings. +For myself, I should prefer a physician of a sanguine temperament, +who had a firm belief in himself and his methods. I do not wonder at +all that the public support a whole community of pretenders who show +the portraits of the patients they have "cured." The best physicians +will tell you that, though many patients get well under their +treatment, they rarely cure anybody. If you are told also that the +best physician has many more patients die on his hands than the worst +of his fellow-practitioners, you may add these two statements to your +bundle of paradoxes, and if they puzzle you I will explain them at +some future time. + +[I take this opportunity of correcting a statement now going the +rounds of the medical and probably other periodicals. In "The +Journal of the American Medical Association," dated April 26,1890, +published at Chicago, I am reported, in quotation marks, as saying, +"Give me opium, wine, and milk, and I will cure all diseases to which +flesh is heir." + +In the first place, I never said I will cure, or can cure, or would +or could cure, or had cured any disease. My venerated instructor, +Dr. James Jackson, taught me never to use that expression. Curo +means, I take care of, he used to say, and in that sense, if you mean +nothing more, it is properly employed. So, in the amphitheatre of +the Ecole de Medecine, I used to read the words of Ambroise Pare, "Je +le pansay, Dieu le guarist." (I dressed his wound, and God cured +him.) Next, I am not in the habit of talking about "the diseases to +which flesh is heir." The expression has become rather too familiar +for repetition, and belongs to the rhetoric of other latitudes. And, +lastly, I have said some plain things, perhaps some sharp ones, about +the abuse of drugs and the limited number of vitally important +remedies, but I am not so ignorantly presumptuous as to make the +foolish statement falsely attributed to me.] + +I paused a minute or two, and as no one spoke out; I put a question +to the Counsellor. + +Are you quite sure that you wish to live to be threescore and twenty +years old? + +"Most certainly I do. Don't they say that Theophrastus lived to his +hundred and seventh year, and did n't he complain of the shortness of +life? At eighty a man has had just about time to get warmly settled +in his nest. Do you suppose he doesn't enjoy the quiet of that +resting-place? No more haggard responsibility to keep him awake +nights,--unless he prefers to retain his hold on offices and duties +from which he can be excused if be chooses. No more goading +ambitions,--he knows he has done his best. No more jealousies, if he +were weak enough to feel such ignoble stirrings in his more active +season. An octogenarian with a good record, and free from annoying +or distressing infirmities, ought to be the happiest of men. +Everybody treats him with deference. Everybody wants to help him. +He is the ward of the generations that have grown up since he was in +the vigor of maturity. Yes, let me live to be fourscore years, and +then I will tell you whether I should like a few more years or not." + +You carry the feelings of middle age, I said, in imagination, over +into the period of senility, and then reason and dream about it as if +its whole mode of being were like that of the earlier period of life. +But how many things there are in old age which you must live into if +you would expect to have any "realizing sense" of their significance! +In the first place, you have no coevals, or next to none. At fifty, +your vessel is stanch, and you are on deck with the rest, in all +weathers. At sixty, the vessel still floats, and you are in the +cabin. At seventy, you, with a few fellow-passengers, are on a raft. +At eighty, you are on a spars to which, possibly, one, or two, or +three friends of about your own age are still clinging. After that, +you must expect soon to find yourself alone, if you are still +floating, with only a life-preserver to keep your old white-bearded +chin above the water. + +Kindness? Yes, pitying kindness, which is a bitter sweet in which +the amiable ingredient can hardly be said to predominate. How +pleasant do you think it is to have an arm offered to you when you +are walking on a level surface, where there is no chance to trip? +How agreeable do you suppose it is to have your well-meaning friends +shout and screech at you, as if you were deaf as an adder, instead of +only being, as you insist, somewhat hard of hearing? I was a little +over twenty years old when I wrote the lines which some of you may +have met with, for they have been often reprinted: + + The mossy marbles rest + On the lips that he has prest + In their bloom, + And the names he loved to hear + Have been carved for many a year + On the tomb. + +The world was a garden to me then; it is a churchyard now. + +"I thought you were one of those who looked upon old age cheerfully, +and welcomed it as a season of peace and contented enjoyment." + +I am one of those who so regard it. Those are not bitter or scalding +tears that fall from my eyes upon "the mossy marbles." The young who +left my side early in my life's journey are still with me in the +unchanged freshness and beauty of youth. Those who have long kept +company with me live on after their seeming departure, were it only +by the mere force of habit; their images are all around me, as if +every surface had been a sensitive film that photographed them; their +voices echo about me, as if they had been recorded on those +unforgetting cylinders which bring back to us the tones and accents +that have imprinted them, as the hardened sands show us the tracks of +extinct animals. The melancholy of old age has a divine tenderness +in it, which only the sad experiences of life can lend a human soul. +But there is a lower level,--that of tranquil contentment and easy +acquiescence in the conditions in which we find ourselves; a lower +level, in which old age trudges patiently when it is not using its +wings. I say its wings, for no period of life is so imaginative as +that which looks to younger people the most prosaic. The atmosphere +of memory is one in which imagination flies more easily and feels +itself more at home than in the thinner ether of youthful +anticipation. I have told you some of the drawbacks of age; I would +not have you forget its privileges. When it comes down from its +aerial excursions, it has much left to enjoy on the humble plane of +being. And so you think you would like to become an octogenarian? +"I should," said the Counsellor, now a man in the high noon of bodily +and mental vigor. "Four more--yes, five more--decades would not be +too much, I think. And how much I should live to see in that time! +I am glad you have laid down some rules by which a man may reasonably +expect to leap the eight barred gate. I won't promise to obey them +all, though." + +Among the questions addressed to me, as to a large number of other +persons, are the following. I take them from "The American Hebrew" +of April 4, 1890. I cannot pretend to answer them all, but I can say +something about one or two of them. + +"I. Can you, of your own personal experience, find any justification +whatever for the entertainment of prejudice towards individuals +solely because they are Jews? + +"II. Is this prejudice not due largely to the religious instruction +that is given by the church acid Sunday-school? For instance, the +teachings that the Jews crucified Jesus; that they rejected him, and +can only secure salvation by belief in him, and similar matters that +are calculated to excite in the impressionable mind of the child an +aversion, if not a loathing, for members of 'the despised race.' + +"III. Have you observed in the social or business life of the Jew, +so far as your personal experience has gone, any different standard +of conduct than prevails among Christians of the same social status? + +"IV. Can you suggest what should be done to dispel the existing +prejudice?" + +As to the first question, I have had very slight acquaintance with +the children of Israel. I shared more or less the prevailing +prejudices against the persecuted race. I used to read in my hymn- +book,--I hope I quote correctly,-- + + "See what a living stone + The builders did refuse! + Yet God has built his church thereon, + In spite of envious Jews." + +I grew up inheriting the traditional idea that they were a race lying +under a curse for their obstinacy in refusing the gospel. Like other +children of New England birth, I walked in the narrow path of Puritan +exclusiveness. The great historical church of Christendom was +presented to me as Bunyan depicted it: one of the two giants sitting +at the door of their caves, with the bones, of pilgrims scattered +about them, and grinning at the travellers whom they could no longer +devour. In the nurseries of old-fashioned Orthodoxy there was one +religion in the world,--one religion, and a multitude of detestable, +literally damnable impositions, believed in by uncounted millions, +who were doomed to perdition for so believing. The Jews were the +believers in one of these false religions. It had been true once, +but was now a pernicious and abominable lie. The principal use of +the Jews seemed to be to lend money, and to fulfil the predictions of +the old prophets of their race. + +No doubt the individual sons of Abraham whom we found in our ill- +favored and ill-flavored streets were apt to be unpleasing specimens +of the race. It was against the most adverse influences of +legislation, of religious feeling, of social repugnance, that the +great names of Jewish origin made themselves illustrious; that the +philosophers, the musicians, the financiers, the statesmen, of the +last centuries forced the world to recognize and accept them. +Benjamin, the son of Isaac, a son of Israel, as his family name makes +obvious, has shown how largely Jewish blood has been represented in +the great men and women of modern days. + +There are two virtues which Christians have found it very hard to +exemplify in practice. These are modesty and civility. The Founder +of the Christian religion appeared among a people accustomed to look +for a Messiah, a special ambassador from heaven, with an +authoritative message. They were intimately acquainted with every +expression having reference to this divine messenger. They had a +religion of their own, about which Christianity agrees with Judaism +in asserting that it was of divine origin. It is a serious fact, to +which we do not give all the attention it deserves, that this +divinely instructed people were not satisfied with the evidence that +the young Rabbi who came to overthrow their ancient church and found +a new one was a supernatural being. "We think he was a great +Doctor," said a Jewish companion with whom I was conversing. He +meant a great Teacher, I presume, though healing the sick was one of +his special offices. Instead of remembering that they were entitled +to form their own judgment of the new Teacher, as they had judged of +Hillel and other great instructors, Christians, as they called +themselves, have insulted, calumniated, oppressed, abased, outraged, +"the chosen race" during the long succession of centuries since the +Jewish contemporaries of the Founder of Christianity made up their +minds that he did not meet the conditions required by the subject of +the predictions of their Scriptures. The course of the argument +against them is very briefly and effectively stated by Mr. Emerson: + +"This was Jehovah come down out of heaven. I will kill you if you +say he was a man." + +It seems as if there should be certain laws of etiquette regulating +the relation of different religions to each other. It is not civil +for a follower of Mahomet to call his neighbor of another creed a +"Christian dog." Still more, there should be something like +politeness in the bearing of Christian sects toward each other, and +of believers in the new dispensation toward those who still adhere to +the old. We are in the habit of allowing a certain arrogant +assumption to our Roman Catholic brethren. We have got used to their +pretensions. They may call us "heretics," if they like. They may +speak of us as "infidels," if they choose, especially if they say it +in Latin. So long as there is no inquisition, so long as there is no +auto da fe, we do not mind the hard words much; and we have as good +phrases to give them back: the Man of Sin and the Scarlet Woman will +serve for examples. But it is better to be civil to each other all +round. I doubt if a convert to the religion of Mahomet was ever made +by calling a man a Christian dog. I doubt if a Hebrew ever became a +good Christian if the baptismal rite was performed by spitting on his +Jewish gabardine. I have often thought of the advance in comity and +true charity shown in the title of my late honored friend James +Freeman Clarke's book, "The Ten Great Religions." If the creeds of +mankind try to understand each other before attempting mutual +extermination, they will be sure to find a meaning in beliefs which +are different from their own. The old Calvinistic spirit was almost +savagely exclusive. While the author of the "Ten Great Religions" +was growing up in Boston under the benignant, large-minded teachings +of the Rev. James Freeman, the famous Dr. John M. Mason, at New +York, was fiercely attacking the noble humanity of "The Universal +Prayer." "In preaching," says his biographer, "he once quoted Pope's +lines as to God's being adored alike 'by saint, by savage, and by +sage,' and pronounced it (in his deepest guttural) 'the most damnable +lie.'" + +What could the Hebrew expect when a Christian preacher could use such +language about a petition breathing the very soul of humanity? +Happily, the true human spirit is encroaching on that arrogant and +narrow-minded form of selfishness which called itself Christianity. + +The golden rule should govern us in dealing with those whom we call +unbelievers, with heathen, and with all who do not accept our +religious views. The Jews are with us as a perpetual lesson to teach +us modesty and civility. The religion we profess is not self- +evident. It did not convince the people to whom it was sent. We +have no claim to take it for granted that we are all right, and they +are all wrong. And, therefore, in the midst of all the triumphs of +Christianity, it is well that the stately synagogue should lift its +walls by the side of the aspiring cathedral, a perpetual reminder +that there are many mansions in the Father's earthly house as well as +in the heavenly one; that civilized humanity, longer in time and +broader in space than any historical form of belief, is mightier than +any one institution or organization it includes. + +Many years ago I argued with myself the proposition which my Hebrew +correspondent has suggested. Recognizing the fact that I was born to +a birthright of national and social prejudices against "the chosen +people,"--chosen as the object of contumely and abuse by the rest of +the world,--I pictured my own inherited feelings of aversion in all +their intensity, and the strain of thought under the influence of +which those prejudices gave way to a more human, a more truly +Christian feeling of brotherhood. I must ask your indulgence while I +quote a few verses from a poem of my own, printed long ago under the +title "At the Pantomime." + +I was crowded between two children of Israel, and gave free inward +expression to my feelings. All at once I happened to look more +closely at one of my neighbors, and saw that the youth was the very +ideal of the Son of Mary. + + A fresh young cheek whose olive hue + The mantling blood shows faintly through; + Locks dark as midnight, that divide + And shade the neck on either side; + Soft, gentle, loving eyes that gleam + Clear as a starlit mountain stream; + So looked that other child of Shem, + The Maiden's Boy of Bethlehem! + + --And thou couldst scorn the peerless blood + That flows unmingled from the Flood, + Thy scutcheon spotted with the stains + Of Norman thieves and pirate Danes! + The New World's foundling, in thy pride + Scowl on the Hebrew at thy side, + And lo! the very semblance there + The Lord of Glory deigned to wear! + + I see that radiant image rise, + The flowing hair, the pitying eyes, + The faintly crimsoned cheek that shows + The blush of Sharon's opening rose, + Thy hands would clasp his hallowed feet + Whose brethren soil thy Christian seat, + Thy lips would press his garment's hem + That curl in wrathful scorn for them! + + A sudden mist, a watery screen, + Dropped like a veil before the scene; + The shadow floated from my soul, + And to my lips a whisper stole:-- + Thy prophets caught the Spirit's flame, + From thee the Son of Mary came, + With thee the Father deigned to dwell, + Peace be upon thee, Israel! + + +It is not to be expected that intimate relations will be established +between Jewish and Christian communities until both become so far +rationalized and humanized that their differences are comparatively +unimportant. But already there is an evident approximation in the +extreme left of what is called liberal Christianity and the +representatives of modern Judaism. The life of a man like the late +Sir Moses Montefiore reads a lesson from the Old Testament which +might well have been inspired by the noblest teachings of the +Christian Gospels. + + + Delilah, and how she got her name. + +Est-elle bien gentille, cette petite? I said one day to Number Five, +as our pretty Delilah put her arm between us with a bunch of those +tender early radishes that so recall the rosy-fingered morning of +Homer. The little hand which held the radishes would not have shamed +Aurora. That hand has never known drudgery, I feel sure. + +When I spoke those French words our little Delilah gave a slight, +seemingly involuntary start, and her cheeks grew of as bright a red +as her radishes. Ah, said I to myself; does that young girl +understand French? It may be worth while to be careful what one says +before her. + +There is a mystery about this girl. She seems to know her place +perfectly,--except, perhaps, when she burst out crying, the other +day, which was against all the rules of table-maiden's etiquette,-- +and yet she looks as if she had been born to be waited on, and not to +perform that humble service for others. We know that once in a while +girls with education and well connected take it into their heads to +go into service for a few weeks or months. Sometimes it is from +economic motives,--to procure means for their education, or to help +members of their families who need assistance. At any rate, they +undertake the lighter menial duties of some household where they are +not known, and, having stooped--if stooping it is to be considered-- +to lowly offices, no born and bred servants are more faithful to all +their obligations. You must not suppose she was christened Delilah. +Any of our ministers would hesitate to give such a heathen name to a +Christian child. + +The way she came to get it was this: The Professor was going to give +a lecture before an occasional audience, one evening. When he took +his seat with the other Teacups, the American Annex whispered to the +other Annex, "His hair wants cutting,--it looks like fury." "Quite +so," said the English Annex. "I wish you would tell him so,-- I do, +awfully." "I'll fix it," said the American girl. So, after the +teacups were emptied and the company had left the table, she went up +to the Professor. "You read this lecture, don't you, Professor?" she +said. "I do," he answered. "I should think that lock of hair which +falls down over your forehead would trouble you," she said. "It does +sometimes," replied the Professor. "Let our little maid trim it for +you. You're equal to that, aren't you?" turning to the handmaiden. +"I always used to cut my father's hair," she answered. She brought a +pair of glittering shears, and before she would let the Professor go +she had trimmed his hair and beard as they had not been dealt with +for many a day. Everybody said the Professor looked ten years +younger. After that our little handmaiden was always called Delilah, +among the talking Teacups. + +The Mistress keeps a watchful eye on this young girl. I should not +be surprised to find that she was carrying out some ideal, some fancy +or whim,--possibly nothing more, but springing from some generous, +youthful impulse. Perhaps she is working for that little sister at +the Blind Asylum. Where did she learn French? She did certainly +blush, and betrayed every sign of understanding the words spoken +about her in that language. Sometimes she sings while at her work, +and we have all been struck with the pure, musical character of her +voice. It is just such a voice as ought to come from that round +white throat. We made a discovery about it the other evening. + +The Mistress keeps a piano in her room, and we have sometimes had +music in the evening. One of The Teacups, to whom I have slightly +referred, is an accomplished pianist, and the two Annexes sing very +sweetly together,--the American girl having a clear soprano voice, +the English girl a mellow contralto. They had sung several tunes, +when the Mistress rang for Avis,--for that is our Delilah's real +name. She whispered to the young girl, who blushed and trembled. +"Don't be frightened," said the Mistress encouragingly. "I have +heard you singing 'Too Young for Love,' and I will get our pianist to +play it. The young ladies both know it, and you must join in." + +The two voices, with the accompaniment, had hardly finished the first +line when a pure, ringing, almost childlike voice joined the vocal +duet. The sound of her own voice seemed to make her forget her +fears, and she warbled as naturally and freely as any young bird of a +May morning. Number Five came in while she was singing, and when she +got through caught her in her arms and kissed her, as if she were her +sister, and not Delilah, our table-maid. Number Five is apt to +forget herself and those social differences to which some of us +attach so much importance. This is the song in which the little maid +took part: + + + TOO YOUNG FOR LOVE. + + Too young for love? + Ah, say not so! + Tell reddening rose-buds not to blow! + Wait not for spring to pass away,-- + Love's summer months begin with May! + Too young for love? + Ah, say not so! + Too young? Too young? + Ah, no! no! no! + + Too young for love? + Ah, say not so, + While daisies bloom and tulips glow! + June soon will come with lengthened day + To practise all love learned in May. + Too young for love? + Ah, say not so! + Too young? Too young? + Ah, no! no! no! + + + + +IX + +I often wish that our Number Seven could have known and corresponded +with the author of "The Budget of Paradoxes." I think Mr. De Morgan +would have found some of his vagaries and fancies not undeserving of +a place in his wonderful collection of eccentricities, absurdities, +ingenuities,--mental freaks of all sorts. But I think he would have +now and then recognized a sound idea, a just comparison, a suggestive +hint, a practical notion, which redeemed a page of extravagances and +crotchety whims. I confess that I am often pleased with fancies of +his, and should be willing to adopt them as my own. I think he has, +in the midst of his erratic and tangled conceptions, some perfectly +clear and consistent trains of thought. + +So when Number Seven spoke of sending us a paper, I welcomed the +suggestion. I asked him whether he had any objection to my looking +it over before he read it. My proposal rather pleased him, I +thought, for, as was observed on a former occasion, he has in +connection with a belief in himself another side,--a curious self- +distrust. I have no question that he has an obscure sense of some +mental deficiency. Thus you may expect from him first a dogma, and +presently a doubt. If you fight his dogma, he will do battle for it +stoutly; if you let him alone, he will very probably explain its +extravagances, if it has any, and tame it into reasonable limits. +Sometimes he is in one mood, sometimes in another. + +The first portion of what we listened to shows him at his best; in +the latter part I am afraid you will think he gets a little wild. + +I proceed to lay before you the paper which Number Seven read to The +Teacups. There was something very pleasing in the deference which +was shown him. We all feel that there is a crack in the teacup, and +are disposed to handle it carefully. I have left out a few things +which he said, feeling that they might give offence to some of the +company. There were sentences so involved and obscure that I was +sure they would not be understood, if indeed he understood them +himself. But there are other passages so entirely sane, and as it +seems to me so just, that if any reader attributes them to me I shall +not think myself wronged by the supposition. You must remember that +Number Seven has had a fair education, that he has been a wide reader +in many directions, and that he belongs to a family of remarkable +intellectual gifts. So it was not surprising that he said some +things which pleased the company, as in fact they did. The reader +will not be startled to see a certain abruptness in the transition +from one subject to another,--it is a characteristic of the squinting +brain wherever you find it. Another curious mark rarely wanting in +the subjects of mental strabismus is an irregular and often sprawling +and deformed handwriting. Many and many a time I have said, after +glancing at the back of a letter, "This comes from an insane asylum, +or from an eccentric who might well be a candidate for such an +institution." Number Seven's manuscript, which showed marks of my +corrections here and there, furnished good examples of the +chirography of persons with ill-mated cerebral hemispheres. But the +earlier portions of the manuscript are of perfectly normal +appearance. + +Conticuere omnes, as Virgil says. We were all silent as Number Seven +began the reading of his paper. + + + Number Seven reads. + +I am the seventh son of a seventh son, as I suppose you all know. It +is commonly believed that some extraordinary gifts belong to the +fortunate individuals born under these exceptional conditions. +However this may be, a peculiar virtue was supposed to dwell in me +from my earliest years. My touch was believed to have the influence +formerly attributed to that of the kings and queens of England. You +may remember that the great Dr. Samuel Johnson, when a child, was +carried to be touched by her Majesty Queen Anne for the "king's +evil," as scrofula used to be called. Our honored friend The +Dictator will tell you that the brother of one of his Andover +schoolmates was taken to one of these gifted persons, who touched +him, and hung a small bright silver coin, either a "fourpence +ha'penny" or a "ninepence," about his neck, which, strange to say, +after being worn a certain time, became tarnished, and finally +black,--a proof of the poisonous matters which had become eliminated +from the system and gathered upon the coin. I remember that at one +time I used to carry fourpence ha'pennies with holes bored through +them, which I furnished to children or to their mothers, under +pledges of secrecy,--receiving a piece of silver of larger dimensions +in exchange. I never felt quite sure about any extraordinary +endowment being a part of my inheritance in virtue of my special +conditions of birth. A phrenologist, who examined my head when I was +a boy, said the two sides were unlike. My hatter's measurement told +me the same thing; but in looking over more than a bushel of the +small cardboard hat-patterns which give the exact shape of the head, +I have found this is not uncommon. The phrenologist made all sorts +of predictions of what I should be and do, which proved about as near +the truth as those recorded in Miss Edith Thomas's charming little +poem, "Augury," which some of us were reading the other day. + +I have never been through college, but I had a relative who was +famous as a teacher of rhetoric in one of our universities, and +especially for taking the nonsense out of sophomorical young fellows +who could not say anything without rigging it up in showy and +sounding phrases. I think I learned from him to express myself in +good old-fashioned English, and without making as much fuss about it +as our Fourth of July orators and political haranguers were in the +habit of making. + +I read a good many stories during my boyhood, one of which left a +lasting impression upon me, and which I have always commended to +young people. It is too late, generally, to try to teach old people, +yet one may profit by it at any period of life before the sight has +become too dim to be of any use. The story I refer to is in +"Evenings at Home," and is called "Eyes and No Eyes." I ought to +have it by me, but it is constantly happening that the best old +things get overlaid by the newest trash; and though I have never seen +anything of the kind half so good, my table and shelves are cracking +with the weight of involuntary accessions to my library. + +This is the story as I remember it: Two children walk out, and are +questioned when they come home. One has found nothing to observe, +nothing to admire, nothing to describe, nothing to ask questions +about. The other has found everywhere objects of curiosity and +interest. I advise you, if you are a child anywhere under forty- +five, and do not yet wear glasses, to send at once for "Evenings at +Home" and read that story. For myself, I am always grateful to the +writer of it for calling my attention to common things. How many +people have been waked to a quicker consciousness of life by +Wordsworth's simple lines about the daffodils, and what he says of +the thoughts suggested to him by "the meanest flower that blows"! + +I was driving with a friend, the other day, through a somewhat dreary +stretch of country, where there seemed to be very little to attract +notice or deserve remark. Still, the old spirit infused by "Eyes and +No Eyes" was upon me, and I looked for something to fasten my thought +upon, and treat as an artist treats a study for a picture. The first +object to which my eyes were drawn was an old-fashioned well-sweep. +It did not take much imaginative sensibility to be stirred by the +sight of this most useful, most ancient, most picturesque, of +domestic conveniences. I know something of the shadoof of Egypt,-- +the same arrangement by which the sacred waters of the Nile have been +lifted, from the days of the Pharaohs to those of the Khedives. That +long forefinger pointing to heaven was a symbol which spoke to the +Puritan exile as it spoke of old to the enslaved Israelite. Was +there ever any such water as that which we used to draw from the +deep, cold well, in "the old oaken bucket"? What memories gather +about the well in all ages! What love-matches have been made at its +margin, from the times of Jacob and, Rachel downward! What fairy +legends hover over it, what fearful mysteries has it hidden! The +beautiful well-sweep! It is too rarely that we see it, and as it +dies out and gives place to the odiously convenient pump, with the +last patent on its cast-iron uninterestingness, does it not seem as +if the farmyard aspect had lost half its attraction? So long as the +dairy farm exists, doubtless there must be every facility for getting +water in abundance; but the loss of the well-sweep cannot be made up +to us even if our milk were diluted to twice its present attenuation. + +The well-sweep had served its turn, and my companion and I relapsed +into silence. After a while we passed another farmyard, with nothing +which seemed deserving of remark except the wreck of an old wagon. + +"Look," I said, "if you want to see one of the greatest of all the +triumphs of human ingenuity, one of the most beautiful, as it is one +of the most useful, of all the mechanisms which the intelligence of +successive ages has called into being." + +"I see nothing," my companion answered, "but an old broken-down +wagon. Why they leave such a piece of lumbering trash about their +place, where people can see it as they pass, is more than I can +account for." + +"And yet," said I, "there is one of the most extraordinary products +of human genius and skill,--an object which combines the useful and +the beautiful to an extent which hardly any simple form of mechanism +can pretend to rival. Do you notice how, while everything else has +gone to smash, that wheel remains sound and fit for service? Look at +it merely for its beauty. + +"See the perfect circles, the outer and the inner. A circle is in +itself a consummate wonder of geometrical symmetry. It is the line +in which the omnipotent energy delights to move. There is no fault +in it to be amended. The first drawn circle and the last both embody +the same complete fulfillment of a perfect design. Then look at the +rays which pass from the inner to the outer circle. How beautifully +they bring the greater and lesser circles into connection with each +other! The flowers know that secret,--the marguerite in the meadow +displays it as clearly as the great sun in heaven. How beautiful is +this flower of wood and iron, which we were ready to pass by without +wasting a look upon it! But its beauty is only the beginning of its +wonderful claim upon us for our admiration. Look at that field of +flowering grass, the triticum vulgare,--see how its waves follow the +breeze in satiny alternations of light and shadow. You admire it for +its lovely aspect; but when you remember that this flowering grass is +wheat, the finest food of the highest human races, it gains a +dignity, a glory, that its beauty alone could not give it. + +"Now look at that exquisite structure lying neglected and disgraced, +but essentially unchanged in its perfection, before you. That slight +and delicate-looking fabric has stood such a trial as hardly any +slender contrivance, excepting always the valves of the heart, was +ever subjected to. It has rattled for years over the cobble-stones +of a rough city pavement. It has climbed over all the accidental +obstructions it met in the highway, and dropped into all the holes +and deep ruts that made the heavy farmer sitting over it use his +Sunday vocabulary in a week-day form of speech. At one time or +another, almost every part of that old wagon has given way. It has +had two new pairs of shafts. Twice the axle has broken off close to +the hub, or nave. The seat broke when Zekle and Huldy were having +what they called 'a ride' together. The front was kicked in by a +vicious mare. The springs gave way and the floor bumped on the axle. +Every portion of the wagon became a prey of its special accident, +except that most fragile looking of all its parts, the wheel. Who +can help admiring the exact distribution of the power of resistance +at the least possible expenditure of material which is manifested in +this wondrous triumph of human genius and skill? The spokes are +planted in the solid hub as strongly as the jaw-teeth of a lion in +their deep-sunken sockets. Each spoke has its own territory in the +circumference, for which it is responsible. According to the load +the vehicle is expected to carry, they are few or many, stout or +slender, but they share their joint labor with absolute justice,--not +one does more, not one does less, than its just proportion. The +outer end of the spokes is received into the deep mortise of the +wooden fellies, and the structure appears to be complete. But how +long would it take to turn that circle into a polygon, unless some +mighty counteracting force should prevent it? See the iron tire +brought hot from the furnace and laid around the smoking +circumference. Once in place, the workman cools the hot iron; and as +it shrinks with a force that seems like a hand-grasp of the +Omnipotent, it clasps the fitted fragments of the structure, and +compresses them into a single inseparable whole. + +"Was it not worth our while to stop a moment before passing that old +broken wagon, and see whether we could not find as much in it as +Swift found in his 'Meditations on a Broomstick'? I have been +laughed at for making so much of such a common thing as a wheel. +Idiots! Solomon's court fool would have scoffed at the thought of +the young Galilean who dared compare the lilies of the field to his +august master. Nil admirari is very well for a North American Indian +and his degenerate successor, who has grown too grand to admire +anything but himself, and takes a cynical pride in his stolid +indifference to everything worth reverencing or honoring." + +After calling my companion's attention to the wheel, and discoursing +upon it until I thought he was getting sleepy, we jogged along until +we came to a running stream. It was crossed by a stone bridge of a +single arch. There are very few stone arches over the streams in New +England country towns, and I always delighted in this one. It was +built in the last century, amidst the doubting predictions of staring +rustics, and stands to-day as strong as ever, and seemingly good for +centuries to come. + +"See there!" said I,--"there is another of my 'Eyes and No Eyes' +subjects to meditate upon. Next to the wheel, the arch is the +noblest of those elementary mechanical composites, corresponding to +the proximate principles of chemistry. The beauty of the arch +consists first in its curve, commonly a part of the circle, of the +perfection of which I have spoken. But the mind derives another +distinct pleasure from the admirable manner in which the several +parts, each different from all the others, contribute to a single +harmonious effect. It is a typical example of the piu nel uno. An +arch cut out or a single stone would not be so beautiful as one of +which each individual stone was shaped for its exact position. Its +completion by the locking of the keystone is a delight to witness and +to contemplate. And how the arch endures, when its lateral thrust is +met by solid masses of resistance! In one of the great temples of +Baalbec a keystone has slipped, but how rare is that occurrence! One +will hardly find another such example among all the ruins of +antiquity. Yes, I never get tired of arches. They are noble when +shaped of solid marble blocks, each carefully beveled for its +position. They are beautiful when constructed with the large thin +tiles the Romans were so fond of using. I noticed some arches built +in this way in the wall of one of the grand houses just going up on +the bank of the river. They were over the capstones of the windows,- +-to take off the pressure from them, no doubt, for now and then a +capstone will crack under the weight of the superincumbent mass. How +close they fit, and how striking the effect of their long +radiations!" + +The company listened very well up to this point. When he began the +strain of thoughts which follows, a curious look went round The +Teacups. + +What a strange underground life is that which is led by the organisms +we call trees! These great fluttering masses of leaves, stems, +boughs, trunks, are not the real trees. They live underground, and +what we see are nothing more nor less than their tails. + +The Mistress dropped her teaspoon. Number Five looked at the Doctor, +whose face was very still and sober. The two Annexes giggled, or +came very near it. + +Yes, a tree is an underground creature, with its tail in the air. +All its intelligence is in its roots. All the senses it has are in +its roots. Think what sagacity it shows in its search after food and +drink! Somehow or other, the rootlets, which are its tentacles, find +out that there is a brook at a moderate distance from the trunk of +the tree, and they make for it with all their might. They find every +crack in the rocks where there are a few grains of the nourishing +substance they care for, and insinuate themselves into its deepest +recesses. When spring and summer come, they let their tails grow, +and delight in whisking them about in the wind, or letting them be +whisked about by it; for these tails are poor passive things, with +very little will of their own, and bend in whatever direction the +wind chooses to make them. The leaves make a deal of noise +whispering. I have sometimes thought I could understand them, as +they talk with each other, and that they seemed to think they made +the wind as they wagged forward and back. Remember what I say. The +next time you see a tree waving in the wind, recollect that it is the +tail of a great underground, many-armed, polypus-like creature, which +is as proud of its caudal appendage, especially in summer-time, as a +peacock of his gorgeous expanse of plumage. + +Do you think there is anything so very odd about this idea? Once get +it well into your heads, and you will find it renders the landscape +wonderfully interesting. There are as many kinds of tree-tails as +there are of tails to dogs and other quadrupeds. Study them as Daddy +Gilpin studied them in his "Forest Scenery," but don't forget that +they are only the appendage of the underground vegetable polypus, the +true organism to which they belong. + +He paused at this point, and we all drew long breaths, wondering what +was coming next. There was no denying it, the "cracked Teacup" was +clinking a little false,--so it seemed to the company. Yet, after +all, the fancy was not delirious,--the mind could follow it well +enough; let him go on. + +What do you say to this? You have heard all sorts of things said in +prose and verse about Niagara. Ask our young Doctor there what it +reminds him of. Is n't it a giant putting his tongue out? How can +you fail to see the resemblance? The continent is a great giant, and +the northern half holds the head and shoulders. You can count the +pulse of the giant wherever the tide runs up a creek; but if you want +to look at the giant's tongue, you must go to Niagara. If there were +such a thing as a cosmic physician, I believe he could tell the state +of the country's health, and the prospects of the mortality for the +coming season, by careful inspection of the great tongue, which +Niagara is putting out for him, and has been showing to mankind ever +since the first flint-shapers chipped their arrow-heads. You don't +think the idea adds to the sublimity and associations of the +cataract? I am sorry for that, but I can't help the suggestion. It +is just as manifestly a tongue put out for inspection as if it had +Nature's own label to that effect hung over it. I don't know whether +you can see these things as clearly as I do. There are some people +that never see anything, if it is as plain as a hole in a grindstone, +until it is pointed out to them; and some that can't see it then, and +won't believe there is any hole till they've poked their finger +through it. I've got a great many things to thank God for, but +perhaps most of all that I can find something to admire, to wonder +at, to set my fancy going, and to wind up my enthusiasm pretty much +everywhere. + +Look here! There are crowds of people whirled through our streets on +these new-fashioned cars, with their witch-broomsticks overhead,--if +they don't come from Salem, they ought to,--and not more than one in +a dozen of these fish-eyed bipeds thinks or cares a nickel's worth +about the miracle which is wrought for their convenience. They know +that without hands or feet, without horses, without steam, so far as +they can see, they are transported from place to place, and that +there is nothing to account for it except the witch-broomstick and +the iron or copper cobweb which they see stretched above them. What +do they know or care about this last revelation of the omnipresent +spirit of the material universe? We ought to go down on our knees +when one of these mighty caravans, car after car, spins by us, under +the mystic impulse which seems to know not whether its train is +loaded or empty. We are used to force in the muscles of horses, in +the expansive potency of steam, but here we have force stripped stark +naked,--nothing but a filament to cover its nudity,--and yet showing +its might in efforts that would task the working-beam of a ponderous +steam-engine. I am thankful that in an age of cynicism I have not +lost my reverence. Perhaps you would wonder to see how some very +common sights impress me. I always take off my hat if I stop to +speak to a stone-cutter at his work. "Why?" do you ask me? Because +I know that his is the only labor that is likely to endure. A score +of centuries has not effaced the marks of the Greek's or the Roman's +chisel on his block of marble. And now, before this new +manifestation of that form of cosmic vitality which we call +electricity, I feel like taking the posture of the peasants listening +to the Angelus. How near the mystic effluence of mechanical energy +brings us to the divine source of all power and motion! In the old +mythology, the right hand of Jove held and sent forth the lightning. +So, in the record of the Hebrew prophets, did the right hand of +Jehovah cast forth and direct it. Was Nahum thinking of our far-off +time when he wrote, "The chariots shall rage in the streets, they +shall justle one against another in the broad ways: they shall seem +like torches, they shall run like the lightnings"? + +Number Seven had finished reading his paper. Two bright spots in his +cheeks showed that he had felt a good deal in writing it, and the +flush returned as he listened to his own thoughts. Poor old fellow! +The "cracked Teacup" of our younger wits,--not yet come to their full +human sensibilities,--the "crank" of vulgar tongues, the eccentric, +the seventh son of a seventh son, too often made the butt of +thoughtless pleasantry, was, after all, a fellow-creature, with flesh +and blood like the rest of us. The wild freaks of his fancy did not +hurt us, nor did they prevent him from seeing many things justly, and +perhaps sometimes more vividly and acutely than if he were as sound +as the dullest of us. + +The teaspoons tinkled loudly all round the table, as he finished +reading. The Mistress caught her breath. I was afraid she was going +to sob, but she took it out in vigorous stirring of her tea. Will +you believe that I saw Number Five, with a sweet, approving smile on +her face all the time, brush her cheek with her hand-kerchief? There +must have been a tear stealing from beneath its eyelid. I hope +Number Seven saw it. He is one of the two men at our table who most +need the tender looks and tones of a woman. The Professor and I are +hors de combat; the Counsellor is busy with his cases and his +ambitions; the Doctor is probably in love with a microscope, and +flirting with pathological specimens; but Number Seven and the Tutor +are, I fear, both suffering from that worst of all famines, heart- +hunger. + +Do you remember that Number Seven said he never wrote a line of +"poetry" in his life, except once when he was suffering from +temporary weakness of body and mind? That is because he is a poet. +If he had not been one, he would very certainly have taken to +tinkling rhymes. What should you think of the probable musical +genius of a young man who was particularly fond of jingling a set of +sleigh-bells? Should you expect him to turn out a Mozart or a +Beethoven? Now, I think I recognize the poetical instinct in Number +Seven, however imperfect may be its expression, and however he may be +run away with at times by fantastic notions that come into his head. +If fate had allotted him a helpful companion in the shape of a loving +and intelligent wife, he might have been half cured of his +eccentricities, and we should not have had to say, in speaking of +him, "Poor fellow!" But since this cannot be, I am pleased that he +should have been so kindly treated on the occasion of the reading of +his paper. If he saw Number Five's tear, he will certainly fall in +love with her. No matter if he does Number Five is a kind of Circe +who does not turn the victims of her enchantment into swine, but into +lambs. I want to see Number Seven one of her little flock. I say +"little." I suspect it is larger than most of us know. Anyhow, she +can spare him sympathy and kindness and encouragement enough to keep +him contented with himself and with her, and never miss the pulses of +her loving life she lends him. It seems to be the errand of some +women to give many people as much happiness as they have any right to +in this world. If they concentrated their affection on one, they +would give him more than any mortal could claim as his share. I saw +Number Five watering her flowers, the other day. The watering-pot +had one of those perforated heads, through which the water runs in +many small streams. Every plant got its share: the proudest lily +bent beneath the gentle shower; the lowliest daisy held its little +face up for baptism. All were refreshed, none was flooded. +Presently she took the perforated head, or "rose," from the neck of +the watering-pot, and the full stream poured out in a round, solid +column. It was almost too much for the poor geranium on which it +fell, and it looked at one minute as if the roots would be laid bare, +and perhaps the whole plant be washed out of the soil in which it was +planted. What if Number Five should take off the "rose" that +sprinkles her affections on so many, and pour them all on one? Can +that ever be? If it can, life is worth living for him on whom her +love may be lavished. + +One of my neighbors, a thorough American, is much concerned about the +growth of what he calls the "hard-handed aristocracy." He tells the +following story:-- + +"I was putting up a fence about my yard, and employed a man of whom I +knew something,--that he was industrious, temperate, and that he had +a wife and children to support,--a worthy man, a native New +Englander. I engaged him, I say, to dig some post-holes. My +employee bought a new spade and scoop on purpose, and came to my +place at the appointed time, and began digging. While he was at +work, two men came over from a drinking-saloon, to which my residence +is nearer than I could desire. One of them I had known as Mike +Fagan, the other as Hans Schleimer. They looked at Hiram, my New +Hampshire man, in a contemptuous and threatening way for a minute or +so, when Fagan addressed him: + +"'And how much does the man pay yez by the hour?' + +"'The gentleman does n't pay me by the hour,' said Hiram. + +"'How mosh does he bay you by der veeks?' said Hans. + +"'I don' know as that's any of your business,' answered Hiram. + +"'Faith, we'll make it our business,' said Mike Fagan. 'We're +Knoights of Labor, we'd have yez to know, and ye can't make yer +bargains jist as ye loikes. We manes to know how mony hours ye +worrks, and how much ye gets for it.' + +"'Knights of Labor!' said I. 'Why, that is a kind of title of +nobility, is n't it? I thought the laws of our country did n't allow +titles of that kind. But if you have a right to be called knights, I +suppose I ought to address you as such. Sir Michael, I congratulate +you on the dignity you have attained. I hope Lady Fagan is getting +on well with my shirts. Sir Hans, I pay my respects to your title. +I trust that Lady Schleixner has got through that little difficulty +between her ladyship and yourself in which the police court thought +it necessary to intervene.' + +"The two men looked at me. I weigh about a hundred and eighty +pounds, and am well put together. Hiram was noted in his village as +a 'rahstler.' But my face is rather pallid and peaked, and Hiram had +something of the greenhorn look. The two men, who had been drinking, +hardly knew what ground to take. They rather liked the sound of Sir +Michael and, Sir Hans. They did not know very well what to make of +their wives as 'ladies.' They looked doubtful whether to take what +had been said as a casus belli or not, but they wanted a pretext of +some kind or other. Presently one of them saw a label on the scoop, +or longhandled, spoon-like shovel, with which Hiram had been working. + +"'Arrah, be jabers!' exclaimed Mike Fagan, 'but has n't he been +a-tradin' wid Brown, the hardware fellah, that we boycotted! Grab +it, Hans, and we'll carry it off and show it to the brotherhood.' + +"The men made a move toward the implement. + +"'You let that are scoop-shovel alone,' said Hiram. + +"I stepped to his side. The Knights were combative, as their noble +predecessors with the same title always were, and it was necessary to +come to a voie de fait. My straight blow from the shoulder did for +Sir Michael. Hiram treated Sir Hans to what is technically known as +a cross-buttock. + +"'Naow, Dutchman,' said Hiram, 'if you don't want to be planted in +that are post-hole, y'd better take y'rself out o' this here piece of +private property. "Dangerous passin'," as the sign-posts say, abaout +these times.' + +"Sir Michael went down half stunned by my expressive gesture; Sir +Hans did not know whether his hip was out of joint or he had got a +bad sprain; but they were both out of condition for further +hostilities. Perhaps it was hardly fair to take advantage of their +misfortunes to inflict a discourse upon them, but they had brought it +on themselves, and we each of us gave them a piece of our mind. + +"'I tell you what it is,' said Hiram, 'I'm a free and independent +American citizen, and I an't a-gon' to hev no man tyrannize over me, +if he doos call himself by one o' them noblemen's titles. Ef I can't +work jes' as I choose, fur folks that wants me to work fur 'em and +that I want to work fur, I might jes' as well go to Sibery and done +with it. My gran'f'ther fit in Bunker Hill battle. I guess if our +folks in them days did n't care no great abaout Lord Percy and Sir +William Haowe, we an't a-gon' to be scart by Sir Michael Fagan and +Sir Hans What 's-his-name, nor no other fellahs that undertakes to be +noblemen, and tells us common folks what we shall dew an' what we +sha'n't. No, sir!' + +"I took the opportunity to explain to Sir Michael and Sir Hans what +it was our fathers fought for, and what is the meaning of liberty. +If these noblemen did not like the country, they could go elsewhere. +If they did n't like the laws, they had the ballot-box, and could +choose new legislators. But as long as the laws existed they must +obey them. I could not admit that, because they called themselves by +the titles the Old World nobility thought so much of, they had a +right to interfere in the agreements I entered into with my neighbor. +I told Sir Michael that if he would go home and help Lady Fagan to +saw and split the wood for her fire, he would be better employed than +in meddling with my domestic arrangements. I advised Sir Hans to ask +Lady Schleimer for her bottle of spirits to use as an embrocation for +his lame hip. And so my two visitors with the aristocratic titles +staggered off, and left us plain, untitled citizens, Hiram and +myself, to set our posts, and consider the question whether we lived +in a free country or under the authority of a self-constituted order +of quasi-nobility." + +It is a very curious fact that, with all our boasted "free and equal" +superiority over the communities of the Old World, our people have +the most enormous appetite for Old World titles of distinction. Sir +Michael and Sir Hans belong to one of the most extended of the +aristocratic orders. But we have also "Knights and Ladies of Honor," +and, what is still grander, "Royal Conclave of Knights and Ladies," +"Royal Arcanum," and "Royal Society of Good Fellows," "Supreme +Council," "Imperial Court," "Grand Protector," and "Grand +Dictator," and so on. Nothing less than "Grand" and "Supreme" is +good enough for the dignitaries of our associations of citizens. +Where does all this ambition for names without realities come from? +Because a Knight of the Garter wears a golden star, why does the +worthy cordwainer, who mends the shoes of his fellow-citizens, want +to wear a tin star, and take a name that had a meaning as used by the +representatives of ancient families, or the men who had made +themselves illustrious by their achievements? + +It appears to be a peculiarly American weakness. The French +republicans of the earlier period thought the term citizen was good +enough for anybody. At a later period, "Roi Citoyen"--the citizen +king was a common title given to Louis Philippe. But nothing is too +grand for the American, in the way of titles. The proudest of them +all signify absolutely nothing. They do not stand for ability, for +public service, for social importance, for large possessions; but, on +the contrary, are oftenest found in connection with personalities to +which they are supremely inapplicable. We can hardly afford to +quarrel with a national habit which, if lightly handled, may involve +us in serious domestic difficulties. The "Right Worshipful" +functionary whose equipage stops at my back gate, and whose services +are indispensable to the health and comfort of my household, is a +dignitary whom I must not offend. I must speak with proper deference +to the lady who is scrubbing my floors, when I remember that her +husband, who saws my wood, carries a string of high-sounding titles +which would satisfy a Spanish nobleman. + +After all, every people must have its own forms of ostentation, +pretence, and vulgarity. The ancient Romans had theirs, the English +and the French have theirs as well,--why should not we Americans have +ours? Educated and refined persons must recognize frequent internal +conflicts between the "Homo sum" of Terence and the "Odi profanum +vulgus" of Horace. The nobler sentiment should be that of every true +American, and it is in that direction that our best civilization is +constantly tending. + +We were waited on by a new girl, the other evening. Our pretty +maiden had left us for a visit to some relative,--so the Mistress +said. I do sincerely hope she will soon come back, for we all like +to see her flitting round the table. + +I don't know what to make of it. I had it all laid out in my mind. +With such a company there must be a love-story. Perhaps there will +be, but there may be new combinations of the elements which are to +make it up, and here is a bud among the full-blown flowers to which I +must devote a little space. + + + Delilah. + +I must call her by the name we gave her after she had trimmed the +Samson locks of our Professor. Delilah is a puzzle to most of us. +A pretty creature, dangerously pretty to be in a station not guarded +by all the protective arrangements which surround the maidens of a +higher social order. It takes a strong cage to keep in a tiger or a +grizzly bear, but what iron bars, what barbed wires, can keep out the +smooth and subtle enemy that finds out the cage where beauty is +imprisoned? Our young Doctor is evidently attracted by the charming +maiden who serves him and us so modestly and so gracefully. +Fortunately, the Mistress never loses sight of her. If she were her +own daughter, she could not be more watchful of all her movements. +And yet I do not believe that Delilah needs all this overlooking. If +I am not mistaken, she knows how to take care of herself, and could +be trusted anywhere, in any company, without a duenna. She has a +history,--I feel sure of it. She has been trained and taught as +young persons of higher position in life are brought up, and does not +belong in the humble station in which we find her. But inasmuch as +the Mistress says nothing about her antecedents, we do not like to be +too inquisitive. The two Annexes are, it is plain, very curious +about her. I cannot wonder. They are both good-looking girls, but +Delilah is prettier than either of them. My sight is not so good as +it was, but I can see the way in which the eyes of the young people +follow each other about plainly enough to set me thinking as to what +is going on in the thinking marrow behind them. The young Doctor's +follow Delilah as she glides round the table,--they look into hers +whenever they get a chance; but the girl's never betray any +consciousness of it, so far as I can see. There is no mistaking the +interest with which the two, Annexes watch all this. Why shouldn't +they, I should like to know? The Doctor is a bright young fellow, +and wants nothing but a bald spot and a wife to find himself in a +comfortable family practice. One of the Annexes, as I have said, +has had thoughts of becoming a doctress. I don't think the Doctor +would want his wife to practise medicine, for reasons which I will +not stop to mention. Such a partnership sometimes works wonderfully +well, as in one well-known instance where husband and wife are both +eminent in the profession; but our young Doctor has said to me that +he had rather see his wife,--if he ever should have one,--at the +piano than at the dissecting-table. Of course the Annexes know +nothing about this, and they may think, as he professed himself +willing to lecture on medicine to women, he might like to take one of +his pupils as a helpmeet. + +If it were not for our Delilah's humble position, I don't see why she +would not be a good match for any young man. But then it is so hard +to take a young woman from so very lowly a condition as that of a +"waitress" that it would require a deal of courage to venture on such +a step. If we could only find out that she is a princess in +disguise, so to speak,--that is, a young person of presentable +connections as well as pleasing looks and manners; that she has had +an education of some kind, as we suspected when she blushed on +hearing herself spoken of as a "gentille petite," why, then +everything would be all right, the young Doctor would have plain +sailing,--that is, if be is in love with her, and if she fancies +him,--and I should find my love-story,--the one I expected, but not +between the parties I had thought would be mating with each other. + +Dear little Delilah! Lily of the valley, growing in the shade now,-- +perhaps better there until her petals drop; and yet if she is all I +often fancy she is, how her youthful presence would illuminate and +sweeten a household! There is not one of us who does not feel +interested in her,--not one of us who would not be delighted at some +Cinderella transformation which would show her in the setting Nature +meant for her favorite. + +The fancy of Number Seven about the witches' broomsticks suggested to +one of us the following poem: + + + THE BROOMSTICK TRAIN; + OR, THE RETURN OF THE WITCHES. + +Lookout! Look out, boys! Clear the track! +The witches are here! They've all come back! +They hanged them high,--No use! No use! +What cares a witch for a hangman's noose? +They buried them deep, but they would n't lie, still, +For cats and witches are hard to kill; +They swore they shouldn't and wouldn't die, +Books said they did, but they lie! they lie! + +--A couple of hundred years, or so, +They had knocked about in the world below, +When an Essex Deacon dropped in to call, +And a homesick feeling seized them all; +For he came from a place they knew full well, +And many a tale he had to tell. +They long to visit the haunts of men, +To see the old dwellings they knew again, +And ride on their broomsticks all around +Their wide domain of unhallowed ground. + +In Essex county there's many a roof +Well known to him of the cloven hoof; +The small square windows are full in view +Which the midnight hags went sailing through, +On their well-trained broomsticks mounted high, +Seen like shadows against the sky; +Crossing the track of owls and bats, +Hugging before them their coal-black cats. + +Well did they know, those gray old wives, +The sights we see in our daily drives +Shimmer of lake and shine of sea, +Brown's bare hill with its lonely tree, +(It wasn't then as we see it now, +With one scant scalp-lock to shade its brow;) +Dusky nooks in the Essex woods, +Dark, dim, Dante-like solitudes, +Where the tree-toad watches the sinuous snake +Glide through his forests of fern and brake; +Ipswich River; its old stone bridge; +Far off Andover's Indian Ridge, +And many a scene where history tells +Some shadow of bygone terror dwells, +Of "Norman's Woe" with its tale of dread, +Of the Screeching Woman of Marblehead, +(The fearful story that turns men pale +Don't bid me tell it,--my speech would fail.) + +Who would not, will not, if he can, +Bathe in the breezes of fair Cape Ann, +Rest in the bowers her bays enfold, +Loved by the sachems and squaws of old? +Home where the white magnolias bloom, +Sweet with the bayberry's chaste perfume, +Hugged by the woods and kissed by the seal +Where is the Eden like to thee? + +For that "couple of hundred years, or so," +There had been no peace in the world below; +The witches still grumbling, "It is n't fair; +Come, give us a taste of the upper air! +We've had enough of your sulphur springs, +And the evil odor that round them clings; +We long for a drink that is cool and nice, +Great buckets of water with Wenham ice; +We've served you well up-stairs, you know; +You're a good old-fellow--come, let us go!" + +I don't feel sure of his being good, +But he happened to be in a pleasant mood, +As fiends with their skins full sometimes are, +(He'd been drinking with "roughs" at a Boston bar.) +So what does he do but up and shout +To a graybeard turnkey, "Let 'em out!" + +To mind his orders was all he knew; +The gates swung open, and out they flew. +"Where are our broomsticks?" the beldams cried. +"Here are your broomsticks," an imp replied. +"They've been in--the place you know--so long +They smell of brimstone uncommon strong; +But they've gained by being left alone, +Just look, and you'll see how tall they've grown." +--And where is my cat? "a vixen squalled. +Yes, where are our cats?" the witches bawled, +And began to call them all by name: +As fast as they called the cats, they came +There was bob-tailed Tommy and long-tailed Tim, +And wall-eyed Jacky and green-eyed Jim, +And splay-foot Benny and slim-legged Beau, +And Skinny and Squally, and Jerry and Joe, + +And many another that came at call, +It would take too long to count them all. +All black,--one could hardly tell which was which, +But every cat knew his own old witch; +And she knew hers as hers knew her, +Ah, did n't they curl their tails and purr! + +No sooner the withered hags were free +Than out they swarmed for a midnight spree; +I could n't tell all they did in rhymes, +But the Essex people had dreadful times. +The Swampscott fishermen still relate +How a strange sea-monster stole thair bait; +How their nets were tangled in loops and knots, +And they found dead crabs in their lobster-pots. +Poor Danvers grieved for her blasted crops, +And Wilmington mourned over mildewed hops. +A blight played havoc with Beverly beans, +It was all the work of those hateful queans! +A dreadful panic began at "Pride's," +Where the witches stopped in their midnight rides, +And there rose strange rumors and vague alarms +'Mid the peaceful dwellers at Beverly Farms. + +Now when the Boss of the Beldams found +That without his leave they were ramping round, +He called,--they could hear him twenty miles, +From Chelsea beach to the Misery Isles; +The deafest old granny knew his tone +Without the trick of the telephone. +"Come here, you witches! Come here!" says he,-- +"At your games of old, without asking me +I'll give you a little job to do +That will keep you stirring, you godless crew!" + +They came, of course, at their master's call, +The witches, the broomsticks, the cats, and all; +He led the hags to a railway train +The horses were trying to drag in vain. +"Now, then," says he, "you've had your fun, +And here are the cars you've got to run. + +"The driver may just unhitch his team, +We don't want horses, we don't want steam; +You may keep your old black cats to hug, +But the loaded train you've got to lug." + +Since then on many a car you'll see +A broomstick plain as plain can be; +On every stick there's a witch astride, +The string you see to her leg is tied. +She will do a mischief if she can, +But the string is held by a careful man, +And whenever the evil-minded witch +Would cut come caper, he gives a twitch. +As for the hag, you can't see her, +But hark! you can hear her black cat's purr, +And now and then, as a car goes by, +You may catch a gleam from her wicked eye. + +Often you've looked on a rushing train, +But just what moved it was not so plain. +It couldn't be those wires above, +For they could neither pull nor shove; +Where was the motor that made it go +You couldn't guess, but now you know. + +Remember my rhymes when you ride again +On the rattling rail by the broomstick train! + + + + +X + +In my last report of our talks over the teacups I had something to +say of the fondness of our people for titles. Where did the anti- +republican, anti-democratic passion for swelling names come from, and +how long has it been naturalized among us? + +A striking instance of it occurred at about the end of the last +century. It was at that time there appeared among us one of the most +original and singular personages to whom America has given birth. +Many of our company,--many of my readers,--all well acquainted with +his name, and not wholly ignorant of his history. They will not +object to my giving some particulars relating to him, which, if not +new to them, will be new to others into whose hands these pages may +fall. + +Timothy Dexter, the first claimant of a title of nobility among the +people of the United States of America, was born in the town of +Malden, near Boston. He served an apprenticeship as a leather- +dresser, saved some money, got some more with his wife, began trading +and speculating, and became at last rich, for those days. His most +famous business enterprise was that of sending an invoice of warming- +pans to the West Indies. A few tons of ice would have seemed to +promise a better return; but in point of fact, he tells us, the +warming-pans were found useful in the manufacture of sugar, and +brought him in a handsome profit. His ambition rose with his +fortune. He purchased a large and stately house in Newburyport, and +proceeded to embellish and furnish it according to the dictates of +his taste and fancy. In the grounds about his house, he caused to be +erected between forty and fifty wooden statues of great men and +allegorical figures, together with four lions and one lamb. Among +these images were two statues of Dexter himself, one of which held a +label with a characteristic inscription. His house was ornamented +with minarets, adorned with golden balls, and surmounted by a large +gilt eagle. He equipped it with costly furniture, with paintings, +and a library. He went so far as to procure the services of a poet +laureate, whose business it seems to have been to sing his praises. +Surrounded with splendors like these, the plain title of "Mr." Dexter +would have been infinitely too mean and common. He therefore boldly +took the step of self-ennobling, and gave himself forth--as he said, +obeying "the voice of the people at large"--as "Lord Timothy Dexter," +by which appellation he has ever since been known to the American +public. + +If to be the pioneer in the introduction of Old World titles into +republican America can confer a claim to be remembered by posterity, +Lord Timothy Dexter has a right to historic immortality. If the true +American spirit shows itself most clearly in boundless self- +assertion, Timothy Dexter is the great original American egotist. If +to throw off the shackles of Old World pedantry, and defy the paltry +rules and examples of grammarians and rhetoricians, is the special +province and the chartered privilege of the American writer, Timothy +Dexter is the founder of a new school, which tramples under foot the +conventionalities that hampered and subjugated the faculties of the +poets, the dramatists, the historians, essayists, story-tellers, +orators, of the worn-out races which have preceded the great American +people. + +The material traces of the first American nobleman's existence have +nearly disappeared. The house is still standing, but the statues, +the minarets, the arches, and the memory of the great Lord Timothy +Dexter live chiefly in tradition, and in the work which be bequeathed +to posterity, and of which I shall say a few words. It is +unquestionably a thoroughly original production, and I fear that some +readers may think I am trifling with them when I am quoting it +literally. I am going to make a strong claim for Lord Timothy as +against other candidates for a certain elevated position. + +Thomas Jefferson is commonly recognized as the first to proclaim +before the world the political independence of America. It is not so +generally agreed upon as to who was the first to announce the +literary emancipation of our country. + +One of Mr. Emerson's biographers has claimed that his Phi Beta Kappa +Oration was our Declaration of Literary Independence. But Mr. +Emerson did not cut himself loose from all the traditions of Old +World scholarship. He spelled his words correctly, he constructed +his sentences grammatically. He adhered to the slavish rules of +propriety, and observed the reticences which a traditional delicacy +has considered inviolable in decent society, European and Oriental +alike. When he wrote poetry, he commonly selected subjects which +seemed adapted to poetical treatment,--apparently thinking that all +things were not equally calculated to inspire the true poet's genius. +Once, indeed, he ventured to refer to "the meal in the firkin, the +milk in the pan," but he chiefly restricted himself to subjects such +as a fastidious conventionalism would approve as having a certain +fitness for poetical treatment. He was not always so careful as he +might have been in the rhythm and rhyme of his verse, but in the main +he recognized the old established laws which have been accepted as +regulating both. In short, with all his originality, he worked in +Old World harness, and cannot be considered as the creator of a truly +American, self-governed, self-centred, absolutely independent style +of thinking and writing, knowing no law but its own sovereign will +and pleasure. + +A stronger claim might be urged for Mr. Whitman. He takes into his +hospitable vocabulary words which no English dictionary recognizes as +belonging to the language,--words which will be looked for in vain +outside of his own pages. He accepts as poetical subjects all things +alike, common and unclean, without discrimination, miscellaneous as +the contents of the great sheet which Peter saw let down from heaven. +He carries the principle of republicanism through the whole world of +created objects. He will "thread a thread through [his] poems," he +tells us, "that no one thing in the universe is inferior to another +thing." No man has ever asserted the surpassing dignity and +importance of the American citizen so boldly and freely as Mr. +Whitman. He calls himself "teacher of the unquenchable creed, +namely, egotism." He begins one of his chants, "I celebrate myself," +but he takes us all in as partners in his self-glorification. He +believes in America as the new Eden. + +"A world primal again,--vistas of glory incessant and branching, +A new race dominating previous ones and grander far, +New politics--new literature and religions--new inventions and arts." + +Of the new literature be himself has furnished specimens which +certainly have all the originality he can claim for them. So far as +egotism is concerned, he was clearly anticipated by the titled +personage to whom I have referred, who says of himself, "I am the +first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest +philosopher in the Western world." But while Mr. Whitman divests +himself of a part of his baptismal name, the distinguished New +Englander thus announces his proud position: "Ime the first Lord in +the younited States of A mercary Now of Newburyport. it is the voice +of the peopel and I cant Help it." This extract is from his famous +little book called "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones." As an inventor +of a new American style he goes far beyond Mr. Whitman, who, to be +sure, cares little for the dictionary, and makes his own rules of +rhythm, so far as there is any rhythm in his sentences. But Lord +Timothy spells to suit himself, and in place of employing punctuation +as it is commonly used, prints a separate page of periods, colons, +semicolons, commas, notes of interrogation and of admiration, with +which the reader is requested to "peper and soolt" the book as he +pleases. + +I am afraid that Mr. Emerson and Mr. Whitman must yield the claim of +declaring American literary independence to Lord Timothy Dexter, who +not only taught his countrymen that they need not go to the Heralds' +College to authenticate their titles of nobility, but also that they +were at perfect liberty to spell just as they liked, and to write +without troubling themselves about stops of any kind. In writing +what I suppose he intended for poetry, he did not even take the pains +to break up his lines into lengths to make them look like verse, as +may be seen by the following specimen: + + WONDER OF WONDERS! + +How great the soul is! Do not you all wonder and admire to see and +behold and hear? Can you all believe half the truth, and admire to +hear the wonders how great the soul is--only behold--past finding +out! Only see how large the soul is! that if a man is drowned in the +sea what a great bubble comes up out of the top of the water... The +bubble is the soul. + +I confess that I am not in sympathy with some of the movements that +accompany the manifestations of American social and literary +independence. I do not like the assumption of titles of Lords and +Knights by plain citizens of a country which prides itself on +recognizing simple manhood and womanhood as sufficiently entitled to +respect without these unnecessary additions. I do not like any +better the familiar, and as it seems to me rude, way of speaking of +our fellow-citizens who are entitled to the common courtesies of +civilized society. I never thought it dignified or even proper for a +President of the United States to call himself, or to be called by +others, "Frank" Pierce. In the first place I had to look in a +biographical dictionary to find out whether his baptismal name was +Franklin, or Francis, or simply Frank, for I think children are +sometimes christened with this abbreviated name. But it is too much +in the style of Cowper's unpleasant acquaintance: + + "The man who hails you Tom or Jack, + And proves by thumping on your back + How he esteems your merit." + +I should not like to hear our past chief magistrates spoken of as +Jack Adams or Jim Madison, and it would have been only as a political +partisan that I should have reconciled myself to "Tom" Jefferson. +So, in spite of "Ben" Jonson, "Tom" Moore, and "Jack" Sheppard, I +prefer to speak of a fellow-citizen already venerable by his years, +entitled to respect by useful services to his country, and recognized +by many as the prophet of a new poetical dispensation, with the +customary title of adults rather than by the free and easy school-boy +abbreviation with which he introduced himself many years ago to the +public. As for his rhapsodies, Number Seven, our "cracked Teacup," +says they sound to him like "fugues played on a big organ which has +been struck by lightning." So far as concerns literary independence, +if we understand by that term the getting rid of our subjection to +British criticism, such as it was in the days when the question was +asked, "Who reads an American book?" we may consider it pretty well +established. If it means dispensing with punctuation, coining words +at will, self-revelation unrestrained by a sense of what is decorous, +declamations in which everything is glorified without being +idealized, "poetry" in which the reader must make the rhythms which +the poet has not made for him, then I think we had better continue +literary colonists. I shrink from a lawless independence to which +all the virile energy and trampling audacity of Mr. Whitman fail to +reconcile me. But there is room for everybody and everything in our +huge hemisphere. Young America is like a three-year-old colt with +his saddle and bridle just taken off. The first thing he wants to do +is to roll. He is a droll object, sprawling in the grass with his +four hoofs in the air; but he likes it, and it won't harm us. So let +him roll,--let him roll + +Of all The Teacups around our table, Number Five is the one who is +the object of the greatest interest. Everybody wants to be her +friend, and she has room enough in her hospitable nature to find a +place for every one who is worthy of the privilege. The difficulty +is that it is so hard to be her friend without becoming her lover. I +have said before that she turns the subjects of her Circe-like +enchantment, not into swine, but into lambs. The Professor and I +move round among her lambs, the docile and amiable flock that come +and go at her bidding, that follow her footsteps, and are content to +live in the sunshine of her smile and within reach of the music of +her voice. I like to get her away from their amiable bleatings; I +love to talk with her about life, of which she has seen a great deal, +for she knows what it is to be an idol in society and the centre of +her social circle. It might be a question whether women or men most +admire and love her. With her own sex she is always helpful, +sympathizing, tender, charitable, sharing their griefs as well as +taking part in their pleasures. With men it has seemed to make +little difference whether they were young or old: all have found her +the same sweet, generous, unaffected companion; fresh enough in +feeling for the youngest, deep enough in the wisdom of the heart for +the oldest. She does not pretend to be youthful, nor does she +trouble herself that she has seen the roses of more Junes than many +of--the younger women who gather round her. She has not had to say, + + Comme je regrette + Mon bras si dodu, + +for her arm has never lost its roundness, and her face is one of +those that cannot be cheated of their charm even if they live long +enough to look upon the grown up grandchildren of their coevals. + +It is a wonder how Number Five can find the time to be so much to so +many friends of both sexes, in spite of the fact that she is one of +the most insatiable of readers. She not only reads, but she +remembers; she not only remembers, but she records, for her own use +and pleasure, and for the delight and profit of those who are +privileged to look over her note-books. Number Five, as I think I +have said before, has not the ambition to figure as an authoress. +That she could write most agreeably is certain. I have seen letters +of hers to friends which prove that clearly enough. Whether she +would find prose or verse the most natural mode of expression I +cannot say, but I know she is passionately fond of poetry, and I +should not be surprised if, laid away among the pressed pansies and +roses of past summers, there were poems, songs, perhaps, of her own, +which she sings to herself with her fingers touching the piano; for +to that she tells her secrets in tones sweet as the ring-dove's call +to her mate. + +I am afraid it may be suggested that I am drawing Number Five's +portrait too nearly after some model who is unconsciously sitting for +it; but have n't I told you that you must not look for flesh and +blood personalities behind or beneath my Teacups? I am not going to +make these so lifelike that you will be saying, This is Mr. or Miss, +or Mrs. So-and-So. My readers must remember that there are very many +pretty, sweet, amiable girls and women sitting at their pianos, and +finding chords to the music of their heart-strings. If I have +pictured Number Five as one of her lambs might do it, I have +succeeded in what I wanted to accomplish. Why don't I describe her +person? If I do, some gossip or other will be sure to say, "Oh, he +means her, of course," and find a name to match the pronoun. + +It is strange to see how we are all coming to depend upon the +friendly aid of Number Five in our various perplexities. The +Counsellor asked her opinion in one of those cases where a divorce +was too probable, but a reconciliation was possible. It takes a +woman to sound a woman's heart, and she found there was still love +enough under the ruffled waters to warrant the hope of peace and +tranquillity. The young Doctor went to her for counsel in the case +of a hysteric girl possessed with the idea that she was a born +poetess, and covering whole pages of foolscap with senseless +outbursts, which she wrote in paroxysms of wild excitement, and read +with a rapture of self-admiration which there was nothing in her +verses to justify or account for. How sweetly Number Five dealt with +that poor deluded sister in her talk with the Doctor! "Yes," she +said to him, "nothing can be fuller of vanity, self-worship, and +self-deception. But we must be very gentle with her. I knew a young +girl tormented with aspirations, and possessed by a belief that she +was meant for a higher place than that which fate had assigned her, +who needed wholesome advice, just as this poor young thing does. She +did not ask for it, and it was not offered. Alas, alas! 'no man +cared for her soul,'--no man nor woman either. She was in her early +teens, and the thought of her earthly future, as it stretched out +before her, was more than she could bear, and she sought the presence +of her Maker to ask the meaning of her abortive existence.--We will +talk it over. I will help you take care of this child." + +The Doctor was thankful to have her assistance in a case with which +he would have found it difficult to deal if he had been left to, his +unaided judgment, and between them the young girl was safely piloted +through the perilous straits in which she came near shipwreck. + +I know that it is commonly said of her that every male friend of hers +must become her lover unless he is already lassoed by another. Il +fait passer par l'a. The young Doctor is, I think, safe, for I am +convinced that he is bewitched with Delilah. Since she has left us, +he has seemed rather dejected; I feel sure that he misses her. We +all do, but he more seriously than the rest of us. I have said that +I cannot tell whether the Counsellor is to be counted as one of +Number Five's lambs or not, but he evidently admires her, and if he +is not fascinated, looks as if he were very near that condition. + +It was a more delicate matter about which the Tutor talked with her. +Something which she had pleasantly said to him about the two Annexes +led him to ask her, more or less seriously, it may be remembered, +about the fitness of either of them to be the wife of a young man in +his position. She talked so sensibly, as it seemed to him, about it +that he continued the conversation, and, shy as he was, became quite +easy and confidential in her company. The Tutor is not only a poet, +but is a great reader of the poetry of many languages. It so +happened that Number Five was puzzled, one day, in reading a sonnet +of Petrarch, and had recourse to the Tutor to explain the difficult +passage. She found him so thoroughly instructed, so clear, so much +interested, so ready to impart knowledge, and so happy in his way of +doing it, that she asked him if he would not allow her the privilege +of reading an Italian author under his guidance, now and then. + +The Tutor found Number Five an apt scholar, and something more than +that; for while, as a linguist, he was, of course, her master, her +intelligent comments brought out the beauties of an author in a way +to make the text seem like a different version. They did not always +confine themselves to the book they were reading. Number Five showed +some curiosity about the Tutor's relations with the two Annexes. She +suggested whether it would not be well to ask one or both of them in +to take part in their readings. The Tutor blushed and hesitated. +"Perhaps you would like to ask one of them," said Number Five. +"Which one shall it be?" "It makes no difference to me which," he +answered," but I do not see that we need either." Number Five did +not press the matter further. So the young Tutor and Number Five +read together pretty regularly, and came to depend upon their meeting +over a book as one of their stated seasons of enjoyment. He is so +many years younger than she is that I do not suppose he will have to +pass par la, as most of her male friends have done. I tell her +sometimes that she reminds me of my Alma Mater, always young, always +fresh in her attractions, with her scholars all round her, many of +them graduates, or to graduate sooner or later. + +What do I mean by graduates? Why, that they have made love to her, +and would be entitled to her diploma, if she gave a parchment to each +one of them who had had the courage to face the inevitable. About +the Counsellor I am, as I have said, in doubt. Who wrote that +"I Like You and I Love You," which we found in the sugar-bowl the +other day? Was it a graduate who had felt the "icy dagger," or only +a candidate for graduation who was afraid of it? So completely does +she subjugate those who come under her influence that I believe she +looks upon it as a matter of course that the fateful question will +certainly come, often after a brief acquaintance. She confessed as +much to me, who am in her confidence, and not a candidate for +graduation from her academy. Her graduates--her lambs I called them +--are commonly faithful to her, and though now and then one may have +gone off and sulked in solitude, most of them feel kindly to her, and +to those who have shared the common fate of her suitors. I do really +believe that some of them would be glad to see her captured by any +one, if such there can be, who is worthy of her. She is the best of +friends, they say, but can she love anybody, as so many other women +do, or seem to? Why shouldn't our Musician, who is evidently fond of +her company, and sings and plays duets with her, steal her heart as +Piozzi stole that of the pretty and bright Mrs. Thrale, as so many +music-teachers have run away with their pupils' hearts? At present +she seems to be getting along very placidly and contentedly with her +young friend the Tutor. There is something quite charming in their +relations with each other. He knows many things she does not, for he +is reckoned one of the most learned in his literary specialty of all +the young men of his time; and it can be a question of only a few +years when some first-class professorship will be offered him. She, +on the other hand, has so much more experience, so much more +practical wisdom, than he has that he consults her on many every-day +questions, as he did, or made believe do, about that of making love +to one of the two Annexes. I had thought, when we first sat round +the tea-table, that she was good for the bit of romance I wanted; but +since she has undertaken to be a kind of half-maternal friend to the +young Tutor, I am afraid I shall have to give her up as the heroine +of a romantic episode. It would be a pity if there were nothing to +commend these papers to those who take up this periodical but essays, +more or less significant, on subjects more or less interesting to the +jaded and impatient readers of the numberless stories and +entertaining articles which crowd the magazines of this prolific +period. A whole year of a tea-table as large as ours without a +single love passage in it would be discreditable to the company. We +must find one, or make one, before the tea-things are taken away and +the table is no longer spread. + + + The Dictator turns preacher. + +We have so many light and playful talks over the teacups that some +readers may be surprised to find us taking up the most serious and +solemn subject which can occupy a human intelligence. The sudden +appearance among our New England Protestants of the doctrine of +purgatory as a possibility, or even probability, has startled the +descendants of the Puritans. It has naturally led to a +reconsideration of the doctrine of eternal punishment. It is on that +subject that Number Five and I have talked together. I love to +listen to her, for she talks from the promptings of a true woman's +heart. I love to talk to her, for I learn my own thoughts better in +that way than in any other "L'appetit vient en mangeant," the French +saying has it. "L'esprit vient en causant;" that is, if one can find +the right persons to talk with. + +The subject which has specially interested Number Five and myself, of +late, was suggested to me in the following way. + +Some two years ago I received a letter from a clergyman who bears by +inheritance one of the most distinguished names which has done honor +to the American "Orthodox" pulpit. This letter requested of me "a +contribution to a proposed work which was to present in their own +language the views of 'many men of many minds' on the subject of +future punishment. It was in my mind to let the public hear not only +from professional theologians, but from other professions, as from +jurists on the alleged but disputed value of the hangman's whip +overhanging the witness-box, and from physicians on the working of +beliefs about the future life in the minds of the dangerously sick. +And I could not help thinking what a good thing it would be to draw +out the present writer upon his favorite borderland between the +spiritual and the material." The communication came to me, as the +writer reminds me in a recent letter, at a "painfully inopportune +time," and though it was courteously answered, was not made the +subject of a special reply. + +This request confers upon me a certain right to express my opinion on +this weighty subject without fear and without reproach even from +those who might be ready to take offence at one of the laity for +meddling with pulpit questions. It shows also that this is not a +dead issue in our community, as some of the younger generation seem +to think. There are some, there may be many, who would like to hear +what impressions one has received on the subject referred to, after a +long life in which he has heard and read a great deal about the +matter. There is a certain gravity in the position of one who is, in +the order of nature very near the undiscovered country. A man who +has passed his eighth decade feels as if be were already in the +antechamber of the apartments which he may be called to occupy in the +house of many mansions. His convictions regarding the future of our +race are likely to be serious, and his expressions not lightly +uttered. The question my correspondent suggests is a tremendous one. +No other interest compares for one moment with that belonging to it. +It is not only ourselves that it concerns, but all whom we love or +ever have loved, all our human brotherhood, as well as our whole idea +of the Being who made us and the relation in which He stands to his +creatures. In attempting to answer my correspondent's question, I +shall no doubt repeat many things I have said before in different +forms, on different occasions. This is no more than every clergyman +does habitually, and it would be hard if I could not have the same +license which the professional preacher enjoys so fully. + +Number Five and I have occasionally talked on religious questions, +and discovered many points of agreement in our views. Both of us +grew up under the old "Orthodox" or Calvinistic system of belief. +Both of us accepted it in our early years as a part of our education. +Our experience is a common one. William Cullen Bryant says of +himself, "The Calvinistic system of divinity I adopted of course, as +I heard nothing else taught from the pulpit, and supposed it to be +the accepted belief of the religious world." But it was not the +"five points" which remained in the young poet's memory and shaped +his higher life. It was the influence of his mother that left its +permanent impression after the questions and answers of the +Assembly's Catechism had faded out, or remained in memory only as +fossil survivors of an extinct or fast-disappearing theological +formation. The important point for him, as for so many other +children of Puritan descent, was not his father's creed, but his +mother's character, precepts, and example. "She was a person," he +says, "of excellent practical sense, of a quick and sensitive moral +judgment, and had no patience with any form of deceit or duplicity. +Her prompt condemnation of injustice, even in those instances in +which it is tolerated by the world, made a strong impression upon me +in early life; and if, in the discussion of public questions, I have +in my riper age endeavored to keep in view the great rule of right +without much regard to persons, it has been owing in a great degree +to the force of her example, which taught me never to countenance a +wrong because others did." + +I have quoted this passage because it was an experience not wholly +unlike my own, and in certain respects like that of Number Five. To +grow up in a narrow creed and to grow out of it is a tremendous trial +of one's nature. There is always a bond of fellowship between those +who have been through such an ordeal. + +The experiences we have had in common naturally lead us to talk over +the theological questions which at this time are constantly +presenting themselves to the public, not only in the books and papers +expressly devoted to that class of subjects, but in many of the +newspapers and popular periodicals, from the weeklies to the +quarterlies. The pulpit used to lay down the law to the pews; at the +present time, it is of more consequence what the pews think than what +the minister does, for the obvious reason that the pews can change +their minister, and often do, whereas the minister cannot change the +pews, or can do so only to a very limited extent. The preacher's +garment is cut according to the pattern of that of the hearers, for +the most part. Thirty years ago, when I was writing on theological +subjects, I came in for a very pretty share of abuse, such as it was +the fashion of that day, at least in certain quarters, to bestow upon +those who were outside of the high-walled enclosures in which many +persons; not naturally unamiable or exclusive, found themselves +imprisoned. Since that time what changes have taken place! Who will +believe that a well-behaved and reputable citizen could have been +denounced as a "moral parricide," because he attacked some of the +doctrines in which he was supposed to have been brought up? A single +thought should have prevented the masked theologian who abused his +incognito from using such libellous language. + +Much, and in many families most, of the religious teaching of +children is committed to the mother. The experience of William +Cullen Bryant, which I have related in his own words, is that of many +New England children. Now, the sternest dogmas that ever came from a +soul cramped or palsied by an obsolete creed become wonderfully +softened in passing between the lips of a mother. The cruel doctrine +at which all but case-hardened "professionals" shudder cones out, as +she teaches and illustrates it, as unlike its original as the milk +which a peasant mother gives her babe is unlike the coarse food which +furnishes her nourishment. The virus of a cursing creed is rendered +comparatively harmless by the time it reaches the young sinner in the +nursery. Its effects fall as far short of what might have been +expected from its virulence as the pearly vaccine vesicle falls short +of the terrors of the confluent small-pox. Controversialists should +therefore be careful (for their own sakes, for they hurt nobody so +much as themselves) how they use such terms as "parricide" as +characterizing those who do not agree in all points with the fathers +whom or whose memory they honor and venerate. They might with as +much propriety call them matricides, if they did not agree with the +milder teachings of their mothers. I can imagine Jonathan Edwards in +the nursery with his three-year-old child upon his knee. The child +looks up to his face and says to him,--"Papa, nurse tells me that you +say God hates me worse than He hates one of those horrid ugly snakes +that crawl all round. Does God hate me so?" + +"Alas! my child, it is but too true. So long as you are out of +Christ you are as a viper, and worse than a viper, in his sight." + +By and by, Mrs. Edwards, one of the loveliest of women and sweetest +of mothers, comes into the nursery. The child is crying. + +"What is the matter, my darling?" + +" Papa has been telling me that God hates me worse than a snake." + +Poor, gentle, poetical, sensitive, spiritual, almost celestial Mrs. +Jonathan Edwards! On the one hand the terrible sentence conceived, +written down, given to the press, by the child's father; on the other +side the trusting child looking up at her, and all the mother +pleading in her heart against the frightful dogma of her revered +husband. Do you suppose she left that poison to rankle in the tender +soul of her darling? Would it have been moral parricide for a son of +the great divine to have repudiated the doctrine which degraded his +blameless infancy to the condition and below the condition of the +reptile? Was it parricide in the second or third degree when his +descendant struck out that venomous sentence from the page in which +it stood as a monument to what depth Christian heathenism could sink +under the teaching of the great master of logic and spiritual +inhumanity? It is too late to be angry about the abuse a well-- +meaning writer received thirty years ago. The whole atmosphere has +changed since then. It is mere childishness to expect men to believe +as their fathers did; that is, if they have any minds of their own. +The world is a whole generation older and wiser than when the father +was of his son's age. + +So far as I have observed persons nearing the end of life, the Roman +Catholics understand the business of dying better than Protestants. +They have an expert by them, armed with spiritual specifics, in which +they both, patient and priestly ministrant, place implicit trust. +Confession, the Eucharist, Extreme Unction,--these all inspire a +confidence which without this symbolism is too apt to be wanting in +over-sensitive natures. They have been peopled in earlier years with +ghastly spectres of avenging fiends, moving in a sleepless world of +devouring flames and smothering exhalations; where nothing lives but +the sinner, the fiends, and the reptiles who help to make life an +unending torture. It is no wonder that these images sometimes return +to the enfeebled intelligence. To exorcise them, the old Church of +Christendom has her mystic formulae, of which no rationalistic +prescription can take the place. If Cowper had been a good Roman +Catholic, instead of having his conscience handled by a Protestant +like John Newton, he would not have died despairing, looking upon +himself as a castaway. I have seen a good many Roman Catholics on +their dying beds, and it always appeared to me that they accepted the +inevitable with a composure which showed that their belief, whether +or not the best to live by, was a better one to die by than most of +the harder creeds which have replaced it. + +In the more intelligent circles of American society one may question +anything and everything, if he will only do it civilly. We may talk +about eschatology, the science of last things,--or, if you will, the +natural history of the undiscovered country, without offence before +anybody except young children and very old women of both sexes. In +our New England the great Andover discussion and the heretical +missionary question have benumbed all sensibility on this subject as +entirely, as completely, as the new local anaesthetic, cocaine, +deadens the sensibility of the part to which it is applied, so that +the eye may have its mote or beam plucked out without feeling it,--as +the novels of Zola and Maupassant have hardened the delicate nerve- +centres of the women who have fed their imaginations on the food they +have furnished. + +The generally professed belief of the Protestant world as embodied in +their published creeds is that the great mass of mankind are destined +to an eternity of suffering. That this eternity is to be one of +bodily pain--of "torment "--is the literal teaching of Scripture, +which has been literally interpreted by the theologians, the poets, +and the artists of many long ages which followed the acceptance of +the recorded legends of the church as infallible. The doctrine has +always been recognized, as it is now, as a very terrible one. It has +found a support in the story of the fall of man, and the view taken +of the relation of man to his Maker since that event. The hatred of +God to mankind in virtue of their "first disobedience" and inherited +depravity is at the bottom of it. The extent to which that idea was +carried is well shown in the expressions I have borrowed from +Jonathan Edwards. According to his teaching,--and he was a reasoner +who knew what he was talking about, what was involved in the premises +of the faith he accepted,--man inherits the curse of God as his +principal birthright. + +What shall we say to the doctrine of the fall of man as the ground of +inflicting endless misery on the human race? A man to be punished +for what he could not help! He was expected to be called to account +for Adam's sin. It is singular to notice that the reasoning of the +wolf with the lamb should be transferred to the dealings of the +Creator with his creatures. "You stirred the brook up and made my +drinking-place muddy." "But, please your wolfship, I couldn't do +that, for I stirred the water far down the stream,--below your +drinking-place." "Well, anyhow, your father troubled it a year or +two ago, and that is the same thing." So the wolf falls upon the +lamb and makes a meal of him. That is wolf logic,--and theological +reasoning. + +How shall we characterize the doctrine of endless torture as the +destiny of most of those who have lived, and are living, on this +planet? I prefer to let another writer speak of it. Mr. John Morley +uses the following words: "The horrors of what is perhaps the most +frightful idea that has ever corroded human character,--the idea of +eternal punishment." Sismondi, the great historian, heard a sermon +on eternal punishment, and vowed never again to enter another church +holding the same creed. Romanism he considered a religion of mercy +and peace by the side of what the English call the Reformation.--I +mention these protests because I happen to find them among my notes, +but it would be easy to accumulate examples of the same kind. When +Cowper, at about the end of the last century, said satirically of the +minister he was attacking, + + "He never mentioned hell to ears polite," + +he was giving unconscious evidence that the sense of the barbarism of +the idea was finding its way into the pulpit. When Burns, in the +midst of the sulphurous orthodoxy of Scotland, dared to say, + + "The fear o' hell 's a hangman's whip + To haud the wretch in order," + +he was oily appealing to the common sense and common humanity of his +fellow-countrymen. + +All the reasoning in the world, all the proof-texts in old +manuscripts, cannot reconcile this supposition of a world of +sleepless and endless torment with the declaration that "God is +love." + +Where did this "frightful idea" come from? We are surprised, as we +grow older, to find that the legendary hell of the church is nothing +more nor less than the Tartarus of the old heathen world. It has +every mark of coming from the cruel heart of a barbarous despot. +Some malignant and vindictive Sheik, some brutal Mezentius, must have +sat for many pictures of the Divinity. It was not enough to kill his +captive enemy, after torturing him as much as ingenuity could +contrive to do it. He escaped at last by death, but his conqueror +could not give him up so easily, and so his vengeance followed him +into the unseen and unknown world. How the doctrine got in among, +the legends of the church we are no more bound to show than we are to +account for the intercalation of the "three witnesses" text, or the +false insertion, or false omission, whichever it may be, of the last +twelve verses of the Gospel of St Mark. We do not hang our +grandmothers now, as our ancestors did theirs, on the strength of the +positive command, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." + +The simple truth is that civilization has outgrown witchcraft, and is +outgrowing the Christian Tartarus. The pulpit no longer troubles +itself about witches and their evil doings. All the legends in the +world could not arrest the decay of that superstition and all the +edicts that grew out of it. All the stories that can be found in old +manuscripts will never prevent the going out of the fires of the +legendary Inferno. It is not much talked about nowadays to ears +polite or impolite. Humanity is shocked and repelled by it. The +heart of woman is in unconquerable rebellion against it. The more +humane sects tear it from their "Bodies of Divinity" as if it were +the flaming shirt of Nessus. A few doctrines with which it was bound +up have dropped or are dropping away from it: the primal curse; +consequential damages to give infinite extension to every +transgression of the law of God; inverting the natural order of +relative obligations; stretching the smallest of finite offenses to +the proportions of the infinite; making the babe in arms the +responsible being, and not the parent who gave it birth and +determined its conditions of existence. + +After a doctrine like "the hangman's whip" has served its purpose,-- +if it ever had any useful purpose,--after a doctrine like that of +witchcraft has hanged old women enough, civilization contrives to get +rid of it. When we say that civilization crowds out the old +superstitious legends, we recognize two chief causes. The first is +the naked individual protest; the voice of the inspiration which +giveth man understanding. This shows itself conspicuously in the +modern poets. Burns in Scotland, Bryant, Longfellow, Whittier, in +America, preached a new gospel to the successors of men like Thomas +Boston and Jonathan Edwards. In due season, the growth of knowledge, +chiefly under the form of that part of knowledge called science, so +changes the views of the universe that many of its long-unchallenged +legends become no more than nursery tales. The text-books of +astronomy and geology work their way in between the questions and +answers of the time-honored catechisms. The doctrine of evolution, +so far as it is accepted, changes the whole relations of man to the +creative power. It substitutes infinite hope in the place of +infinite despair for the vast majority of mankind. Instead of a +shipwreck, from which a few cabin passengers and others are to be +saved in the long-boat, it gives mankind a vessel built to endure the +tempests, and at last to reach a port where at the worst the +passengers can find rest, and where they may hope for a home better +than any which they ever had in their old country. It is all very +well to say that men and women had their choice whether they would +reach the safe harbor or not. + + "Go to it grandam, child; + Give grandam kingdom, and it grandam will + Give it a plum, a cherry and a fig." + +We know what the child will take. So which course we shall take +depends very much on the way the choice is presented to us, and on +what the chooser is by nature. What he is by nature is not +determined by himself, but by his parentage. "They know not what +they do." In one sense this is true of every human being. The agent +does not know, never can know, what makes him that which he is. What +we most want to ask of our Maker is an unfolding of the divine +purpose in putting human beings into conditions in which such numbers +of them would be sure to go wrong. We want an advocate of helpless +humanity whose task it shall be, in the words of Milton, + + "To justify the ways of God to man." + +We have heard Milton's argument, but for the realization of his +vision of the time + + "When Hell itself shall pass away, + And leave her dolorous mansions to the peering day," + +our suffering race must wait in patience. + +The greater part of the discourse the reader has had before him was +delivered over the teacups one Sunday afternoon. The Mistress looked +rather grave, as if doubtful whether she ought not to signify her +disapprobation of what seemed to her dangerous doctrine. + +However, as she knew that I was a good church-goer and was on the +best terms with her minister, she said nothing to show that she had +taken the alarm. Number Five listened approvingly. We had talked +the question over well, and were perfectly agreed on the main point. +How could it be otherwise? Do you suppose that any intellectual, +spiritual woman, with a heart under her bodice, can for a moment +seriously believe that the greater number of the high-minded men, the +noble and lovely women, the ingenuous and affectionate children, whom +she knows and honors or loves, are to be handed over to the experts +in a great torture-chamber, in company with the vilest creatures that +have once worn human shape? + +"If there is such a world as used to be talked about from the pulpit, +you may depend upon it," she said to me once, "there will soon be +organized a Humane Society in heaven, and a mission established among +'the spirits in prison.'" + +Number Five is a regular church-goer, as I am. I do not believe +either of us would darken the doors of a church if we were likely to +hear any of the "old-fashioned" sermons, such as I used to listen to +in former years from a noted clergyman, whose specialty was the +doctrine of eternal punishment. But you may go to the churches of +almost any of our Protestant denominations, and hear sermons by which +you can profit, because the ministers are generally good men, whose +moral and spiritual natures are above the average, and who know that +the harsh preaching of two or three generations ago would offend and +alienate a large part of their audience. So neither Number Five nor +I are hypocrites in attending church or "going to meeting." I am +afraid it does not make a great deal of difference to either of us +what may be the established creed of the worshipping assembly. That +is a matter of great interest, perhaps of great importance, to them, +but of much less, comparatively, to us. Companionship in worship, +and sitting quiet for an hour while a trained speaker, presumably +somewhat better than we are, stirs up our spiritual nature,--these +are reasons enough to Number Five, as to me, for regular attendance +on divine worship. + +Number Seven is of a different way of thinking and feeling. He +insists upon it that the churches keep in their confessions of faith +statements which they do not believe, and that it is notorious that +they are afraid to meddle with them. The Anglo-American church has +dropped the Athanasian Creed from its service; the English mother +church is afraid to. There are plenty of Universalists, Number Seven +says, in the Episcopalian and other Protestant churches, but they do +not avow their belief in any frank and candid fashion. The churches +know very well, he maintains, that the fear of everlasting punishment +more than any or all other motives is the source of their power and +the support of their organizations. Not only are the fears of +mankind the whip to scourge and the bridle to restrain them, but they +are the basis of an almost incalculable material interest. "Talk +about giving up the doctrine of endless punishment by fire!" +exclaimed Number Seven; "there is more capital embarked in the +subterranean fire-chambers than in all the iron-furnaces on the face +of the earth. To think what an army of clerical beggars would be +turned loose on the world, if once those raging flames were allowed +to go out or to calm down! Who can wonder that the old conservatives +draw back startled and almost frightened at the thought that there +may be a possible escape for some victims whom the Devil was thought +to have secured? How many more generations will pass before Milton's +alarming prophecy will find itself realized in the belief of +civilized mankind?" + +Remember that Number Seven is called a "crank" by many persons, and +take his remarks for just what they are worth, and no more. + +Out of the preceding conversation must have originated the following +poem, which was found in the common receptacle of these versified +contributions: + + + TARTARUS. + +While in my simple gospel creed +That "God is Love" so plain I read, +Shall dreams of heathen birth affright +My pathway through the coming night? +Ah, Lord of life, though spectres pale +Fill with their threats the shadowy vale, +With Thee my faltering steps to aid, +How can I dare to be afraid? + +Shall mouldering page or fading scroll +Outface the charter of the soul? +Shall priesthood's palsied arm protect +The wrong our human hearts reject, +And smite the lips whose shuddering cry +Proclaims a cruel creed a lie? +The wizard's rope we disallow +Was justice once,--is murder now! + +Is there a world of blank despair, +And dwells the Omnipresent there? +Does He behold with smile serene +The shows of that unending scene, +Where sleepless, hopeless anguish lies, +And, ever dying, never dies? + +Say, does He hear the sufferer's groan, +And is that child of wrath his own? +O mortal, wavering in thy trust, +Lift thy pale forehead from the dust +The mists that cloud thy darkened eyes +Fade ere they reach the o'erarching skies! +When the blind heralds of despair +Would bid thee doubt a Father's care, +Look up from earth, and read above +On heaven's blue tablet, GOD IS LOVE! + + + + +XI + + The tea is sweetened. + +We have been going on very pleasantly of late, each of us pretty well +occupied with his or her special business. The Counsellor has been +pleading in a great case, and several of The Teacups were in the +court-room. I thought, but I will not be certain, that some of his +arguments were addressed to Number Five rather than to the jury,--the +more eloquent passages especially. + +Our young Doctor seems to me to be gradually getting known in the +neighborhood and beyond it. A member of one of the more influential +families, whose regular physician has gone to Europe, has sent for +him to come and see her, and as the patient is a nervous lady, who +has nothing in particular the matter with her, he is probably in for +a good many visits and a long bill by and by. He has even had a call +at a distance of some miles from home,--at least be has had to hire a +conveyance frequently of late, for he has not yet set up his own +horse and chaise. We do not like to ask him about who his patient +may be, but he or she is probably a person of some consequence, as he +is absent several hours on these out-of-town visits. He may get a +good practice before his bald spot makes its appearance, for I have +looked for it many times without as yet seeing a sign of it. I am +sure he must feel encouraged, for he has been very bright and +cheerful of late; and if he sometimes looks at our new handmaid as if +he wished she were Delilah, I do not think he is breaking his heart +about her absence. Perhaps he finds consolation in the company of +the two Annexes, or one of them,--but which, I cannot make out. He +is in consultations occasionally with Number Five, too, but whether +professionally or not I have no means of knowing. I cannot for the +life of me see what Number Five wants of a doctor for herself, so +perhaps it is another difficult case in which her womanly sagacity is +called upon to help him. + +In the mean time she and the Tutor continue their readings. In fact, +it seems as if these readings were growing more frequent, and lasted +longer than they did at first. There is a little arbor in the +grounds connected with our place of meeting, and sometimes they have +gone there for their readings. Some of The Teacups have listened +outside once in a while, for the Tutor reads well, and his clear +voice must be heard in the more emphatic passages, whether one is +expressly listening or not. But besides the reading there is now and +then some talking, and persons talking in an arbor do not always +remember that latticework, no matter how closely the vines cover it, +is not impenetrable to the sound of the human voice. There was a +listener one day,--it was not one of The Teacups, I am happy to say, +--who heard and reported some fragments of a conversation which +reached his ear. Nothing but the profound intimacy which exists +between myself and the individual reader whose eyes are on this page +would induce me to reveal what I was told of this conversation. The +first words seem to have been in reply to some question. + +"Why, my dear friend, how can you think of such a thing? Do you +know--I am--old enough to be your--[I think she must have been on the +point of saying mother, but that was more than any woman could be +expected to say]--old enough to be your aunt?" + +"To be sure you are," answered the Tutor, "and what of it? I have +two aunts, both younger than I am. Your years may be more than mine, +but your life is fuller of youthful vitality than mine is. I never +feel so young as when I have been with you. I don't believe in +settling affinities by the almanac. You know what I have told you +more than once; you have n't 'bared the ice-cold dagger's edge' upon +me yet; may I not cherish the".... + +What a pity that the listener did not hear the rest of the sentence +and the reply to it, if there was one! The readings went on the same +as before, but I thought that Number Five was rather more silent and +more pensive than she had been. + + +I was much pleased when the American Annex came to me one day and +told me that she and the English Annex were meditating an expedition, +in which they wanted the other Teacups to join. About a dozen miles +from us is an educational institution of the higher grade, where a +large number of young ladies are trained in literature, art, and +science, very much as their brothers are trained in the colleges. +Our two young ladies have already been through courses of this kind +in different schools, and are now busy with those more advanced +studies which are ventured upon by only a limited number of +"graduates." They have heard a good deal about this institution, but +have never visited it. + +Every year, as the successive classes finish their course, there is a +grand reunion of the former students, with an "exhibition," as it is +called, in which the graduates of the year have an opportunity of +showing their proficiency in the various branches taught. On that +occasion prizes are awarded for excellence in different departments. +It would be hard to find a more interesting ceremony. These girls, +now recognized as young ladies, are going forth as missionaries of +civilization among our busy people. They are many of them to be +teachers, and those who have seen what opportunities they have to +learn will understand their fitness for that exalted office. Many +are to be the wives and mothers of the generation next coming upon +the stage. Young and beautiful, "youth is always beautiful," said +old Samuel Rogers,--their countenances radiant with developed +intelligence, their complexions, their figures, their movements, all +showing that they have had plenty of outdoor as well as indoor +exercise, and have lived well in all respects, one would like to read +on the wall of the hall where they are assembled,-- + + Siste, viator! + Si uxorem requiris, circumspice! + +This proposed expedition was a great event in our comparatively quiet +circle. The Mistress, who was interested in the school, undertook to +be the matron of the party. The young Doctor, who knew the roads +better than any of us, was to be our pilot. He arranged it so that +he should have the two Annexes under his more immediate charge. We +were all on the lookout to see which of the two was to be the favored +one, for it was pretty well settled among The Teacups that a wife he +must have, whether the bald spot came or not; he was getting into +business, and he could not achieve a complete success as a bachelor. + +Number Five and the Tutor seemed to come together as a matter of +course. I confess that I could not help regretting that our pretty +Delilah was not to be one of the party. She always looked so young, +so fresh,--she would have enjoyed the excursion so much, that if she +had been still with us I would have told the Mistress that she must +put on her best dress; and if she had n't one nice enough, I would +give her one myself. I thought, too, that our young Doctor would +have liked to have her with us; but he appeared to be getting along +very well with the Annexes, one of whom it seems likely that he will +annex to himself and his fortunes, if she fancies him, which is not +improbable. + +The organizing of this expedition was naturally a cause of great +excitement among The Teacups. The party had to be arranged in such a +way as to suit all concerned, which was a delicate matter. It was +finally managed in this way: The Mistress was to go with a bodyguard, +consisting of myself, the Professor, and Number Seven, who was good +company, with all his oddities. The young Doctor was to take the two +Annexes in a wagon, and the Tutor was to drive Number Five in a good +old-fashioned chaise drawn by a well-conducted family horse. As for +the Musician, he had gone over early, by special invitation, to take +a part in certain musical exercises which were to have a place in the +exhibition. This arrangement appeared to be in every respect +satisfactory. The Doctor was in high spirits, apparently delighted, +and devoting himself with great gallantry to his two fair companions. +The only question which intruded itself was, whether he might not +have preferred the company of one to that of two. But both looked +very attractive in their best dresses: the English Annex, the rosier +and heartier of the two; the American girl, more delicate in +features, more mobile and excitable, but suggesting the thought that +she would tire out before the other. Which of these did he most +favor? It was hard to say. He seemed to look most at the English +girl, and yet he talked more with the American girl. In short, he +behaved particularly well, and neither of the young ladies could +complain that she was not attended to. As to the Tutor and Number +Five, their going together caused no special comment. Their intimacy +was accepted as an established fact, and nothing but the difference +in their ages prevented the conclusion that it was love, and not mere +friendship, which brought them together. There was, no doubt, a +strong feeling among many people that Number Five's affections were a +kind of Gibraltar or Ehrenbreitstein, say rather a high table-land in +the region of perpetual, unmelting snow. It was hard for these +people to believe that any man of mortal mould could find a foothold +in that impregnable fortress,--could climb to that height and find +the flower of love among its glaciers. The Tutor and Number Five +were both quiet, thoughtful: he, evidently captivated; she, what was +the meaning of her manner to him? Say that she seemed fond of him, +as she might be were he her nephew,--one for whom she had a special +liking. If she had a warmer feeling than this, she could hardly know +how to manage it; for she was so used to having love made to her +without returning it that she would naturally be awkward in dealing +with the new experience. + +The Doctor drove a lively five-year-old horse, and took the lead. +The Tutor followed with a quiet, steady-going nag; if he had driven +the five-year-old, I would not have answered for the necks of the +pair in the chaise, for he was too much taken up with the subject +they were talking of, to be very careful about his driving. The +Mistress and her escort brought up the rear,--I holding the reins, +the Professor at my side, and Number Seven sitting with the Mistress. + +We arrived at the institution a little later than we had expected to, +and the students were flocking into the hall, where the Commencement +exercises were to take place, and the medal-scholars were to receive +the tokens of their excellence in the various departments. From our +seats we could see the greater part of the assembly,--not quite all, +however of the pupils. A pleasing sight it was to look upon, this +array of young ladies dressed in white, with their class badges, and +with the ribbon of the shade of blue affected by the scholars of the +institution. If Solomon in all his glory was not to be compared to a +lily, a whole bed of lilies could not be compared to this garden-bed +of youthful womanhood. + +The performances were very much the same as most of us have seen at +the academies and collegiate schools. Some of the graduating class +read their "compositions," one of which was a poem,--an echo of the +prevailing American echoes, of course, but prettily worded and +intelligently read. Then there was a song sung by a choir of the +pupils, led by their instructor, who was assisted by the Musician +whom we count among The Teacups.--There was something in one of the +voices that reminded me of one I had heard before. Where could it +have been? I am sure I cannot remember. There are some good voices +in our village choir, but none so pure and bird-like as this. A +sudden thought came into my head, but I kept it to myself. I heard a +tremulous catching of the breath, something like a sob, close by me. +It was the Mistress,--she was crying. What was she crying for? It +was impressive, certainly, to listen to these young voices, many of +them blending for the last time,--for the scholars were soon to be +scattered all over the country, and some of them beyond its +boundaries,--but why the Mistress was so carried away, I did not +know. She must be more impressible than most of us; yet I thought +Number Five also looked as if she were having a struggle with herself +to keep down some rebellious signs of emotion. + +The exercises went on very pleasingly until they came to the awarding +of the gold medal of the year and the valedictory, which was to be +delivered by the young lady to whom it was to be presented. The name +was called; it was one not unfamiliar to our ears, and the bearer of +it--the Delilah of our tea-table, Avis as she was known in the school +and elsewhere--rose in her place and came forward, so that for the +first time on that day, we looked upon her. It was a sensation for +The Teacups. Our modest, quiet waiting-girl was the best scholar of +her year. We had talked French before her, and we learned that she +was the best French scholar the teacher had ever had in the school. +We had never thought of her except as a pleasing and well-trained +handmaiden, and here she was an accomplished young lady. + +Avis went through her part very naturally and gracefully, and when it +was finished, and she stood before us with the medal glittering on +her breast, we did not know whether to smile or to cry,--some of us +did one, and some the other.--We all had an opportunity to see her +and congratulate her before we left the institution. The mystery of +her six weeks' serving at our table was easily solved. She had been +studying too hard and too long, and required some change of scene and +occupation. She had a fancy for trying to see if she could support +herself as so many young women are obliged to, and found a place with +us, the Mistress only knowing her secret. + +"She is to be our young Doctor's wife!" the Mistress whispered to me, +and did some more crying, not for grief, certainly. + +Whether our young Doctor's long visits to a neighboring town had +anything to do with the fact that Avis was at that institution, +whether she was the patient he visited or not, may be left in doubt. +At all events, he had always driven off in the direction which would +carry him to the place where she was at school. + +I have attended a large number of celebrations, commencements, +banquets, soirees, and so forth, and done my best to help on a good +many of them. In fact, I have become rather too well known in +connection with "occasions," and it has cost me no little trouble. +I believe there is no kind of occurrence for which I have not been +requested to contribute something in prose or verse. It is sometimes +very hard to say no to the requests. If one is in the right mood +when he or she writes an occasional poem, it seems as if nothing +could have been easier. "Why, that piece run off jest like ile. +I don't bullieve," the unlettered applicant says to himself, "I don't +bullieve it took him ten minutes to write them verses." The good +people have no suspicion of how much a single line, a single +expression, may cost its author. The wits used to say that Ropers,-- +the poet once before referred to, old Samuel Ropers, author of the +Pleasures of Memory and giver of famous breakfasts,--was accustomed +to have straw laid before the house whenever he had just given birth +to a couplet. It is not quite so bad as that with most of us who are +called upon to furnish a poem, a song, a hymn, an ode for some grand +meeting, but it is safe to say that many a trifling performance has +had more good honest work put into it than the minister's sermon of +that week had cost him. If a vessel glides off the ways smoothly and +easily at her launching, it does not mean that no great pains have +been taken to secure the result. Because a poem is an "occasional" +one, it does not follow that it has not taken as much time and skill +as if it had been written without immediate, accidental, temporary +motive. Pindar's great odes were occasional poems, just as much as +our Commencement and Phi Beta Kappa poems are, and yet they have come +down among the most precious bequests of antiquity to modern times. + +The mystery of the young Doctor's long visits to the neighboring town +was satisfactorily explained by what we saw and heard of his +relations with our charming "Delilah,"--for Delilah we could hardly +help calling her. Our little handmaid, the Cinderella of the +teacups, now the princess, or, what was better, the pride of the +school to which she had belonged, fit for any position to which she +might be called, was to be the wife of our young Doctor. It would +not have been the right thing to proclaim the fact while she was a +pupil, but now that she had finished her course of instruction there +was no need of making a secret of the engagement. + +So we have got our romance, our love-story out of our Teacups, as I +hoped and expected that we should, but not exactly in the quarter +where it might have been looked for. + +What did our two Annexes say to this unexpected turn of events? They +were good-hearted girls as ever lived, but they were human, like the +rest of us, and women, like some of the rest of us. They behaved +perfectly. They congratulated the Doctor, and hoped he would bring +the young lady to the tea-table where she had played her part so +becomingly. It is safe to say that each of the Annexes world have +liked to be asked the lover's last question by the very nice young +man who had been a pleasant companion at the table and elsewhere to +each of them. That same question is the highest compliment a man can +pay a woman, and a woman does not mind having a dozen or more such +compliments to string on the rosary of her remembrances. Whether +either of them was glad, on the whole, that he had not offered +himself to the other in preference to herself would be a mean, shabby +question, and I think altogether too well of you who are reading this +paper to suppose that you would entertain the idea of asking it. + +It was a very pleasant occasion when the Doctor brought Avis over to +sit with us at the table where she used to stand and wait upon us. +We wondered how we could for a moment have questioned that she was +one to be waited upon, and not made for the humble office which +nevertheless she performed so cheerfully and so well. + + + Commencements and other Celebrations, American and English. + +The social habits of our people have undergone an immense change +within the past half century, largely in consequence of the vast +development of the means of intercourse between different +neighborhoods. + +Commencements, college gatherings of all kinds, church assemblages, +school anniversaries, town centennials,--all possible occasions for +getting crowds together are made the most of. "'T is sixty years +since,"--and a good many years over,--the time to which my memory +extends. The great days of the year were, Election,--General +Election on Wednesday, and Artillery Election on the Monday +following, at which time lilacs were in bloom and 'lection buns were +in order; Fourth of July, when strawberries were just going out; and +Commencement, a grand time of feasting, fiddling, dancing, jollity, +not to mention drunkenness and fighting, on the classic green of +Cambridge. This was the season of melons and peaches. That is the +way our boyhood chronicles events. It was odd that the literary +festival should be turned into a Donnybrook fair, but so it was when +I was a boy, and the tents and the shows and the crowds on the Common +were to the promiscuous many the essential parts of the great +occasion. They had been so for generations, and it was only +gradually that the Cambridge Saturnalia were replaced by the +decencies and solemnities of the present sober anniversary. + +Nowadays our celebrations smack of the Sunday-school more than of the +dancing-hall. The aroma of the punch-bowl has given way to the +milder flavor of lemonade and the cooling virtues of ice-cream. +A strawberry festival is about as far as the dissipation of our +social gatherings ventures. There was much that was objectionable in +those swearing, drinking, fighting times, but they had a certain +excitement for us boys of the years when the century was in its +teens, which comes back to us not without its fascinations. The days +of total abstinence are a great improvement over those of unlicensed +license, but there was a picturesque element about the rowdyism of +our old Commencement days, which had a charm for the eye of boyhood. +My dear old friend,--book-friend, I mean,--whom I always called Daddy +Gilpin (as I find Fitzgerald called Wordsworth, Daddy Wordsworth),-- +my old friend Gilpin, I say, considered the donkey more picturesque +in a landscape than the horse. So a village fete as depicted by +Teniers is more picturesque than a teetotal picnic or a Sabbath- +school strawberry festival. Let us be thankful that the vicious +picturesque is only a remembrance, and the virtuous commonplace a +reality of to-day. + +What put all this into my head is something which the English Annex +has been showing me. Most of my readers are somewhat acquainted with +our own church and village celebrations. They know how they are +organized; the women always being the chief motors, and the machinery +very much the same in one case as in another. Perhaps they would +like to hear how such things are managed in England; and that is just +what they may learn from the pamphlet which was shown me by the +English Annex, and of which I will give them a brief account. + +Some of us remember the Rev. Mr. Haweis, his lectures and his violin, +which interested and amused us here in Boston a few years ago. Now +Mr. Haweis, assisted by his intelligent and spirited wife, has charge +of the parish of St. James, Westmoreland Street, Marylebone, London. +On entering upon the twenty-fifth year of his incumbency in +Marylebone, and the twenty-eighth of his ministry in the diocese of +London, it was thought a good idea to have an "Evening Conversazione +and Fete." We can imagine just how such a meeting would be organized +in one of our towns. Ministers, deacons, perhaps a member of +Congress, possibly a Senator, and even, conceivably, his Excellency +the Governor, and a long list of ladies lend their names to give +lustre to the occasion. It is all very pleasant, unpretending, +unceremonious, cheerful, well ordered, commendable, but not imposing. + +Now look at our Marylebone parish celebration, and hold your breath +while the procession of great names passes before you. You learn at +the outset that it is held UNDER ROYAL PATRONAGE, and read the names +of two royal highnesses, one highness, a prince, and a princess. +Then comes a list before which if you do not turn pale, you must +certainly be in the habit of rouging: three earls, seven lords, three +bishops, two generals (one of them Lord Wolseley), one admiral, four +baronets, nine knights, a crowd of right honorable and honorable +ladies (many of them peeresses), and a mob of other personages, among +whom I find Mr. Howells, Bret Harte, and myself. + +Perhaps we are disposed to smile at seeing so much made of titles; +but after what we have learned of Lord Timothy Dexter and the high- +sounding names appropriated by many of our own compatriots, who have +no more claim to them than we plain Misters and Misseses, we may feel +to them something as our late friend Mr. Appleton felt to the real +green turtle soup set before him, when he said that it was almost as +good as mock. + +The entertainment on this occasion was of the most varied character. +The programme makes the following announcement: + + Friday, 4 July, 18-. + + At 8 P. M. the Doors will Open. + Mr. Haweis will receive his Friends. + The Royal Handbell Ringers will Ring. + The Fish-pond will be Fished. + The Stalls will be Visited. + The Phonograph will Utter. + +Refreshments will be called for, and they will come,--Tea, Coffee, +and Cooling Drinks. Spirits will not be called for, from the Vasty +Deep or anywhere else,--nor would they come if they were. + +At 9.30 Mrs. Haweis will join the assembly. + +I am particularly delighted with this last feature in the preliminary +announcement. It is a proof of the high regard in which the +estimable and gifted lady who shares her husband's labors is held by +the people of their congregation, and the friends who share in their +feelings. It is such a master stroke of policy, too, to keep back +the principal attraction until the guests must have grown eager for +her appearance: I can well imagine how great a saving it must have +been to the good lady's nerves, which were probably pretty well tried +already by the fatigues and responsibilities of the busy evening. I +have a right to say this, for I myself had the honor of attending a +meeting at Mr. Haweis's house, where I was a principal guest, as I +suppose, from the fact of the great number of persons who were +presented to me. The minister must be very popular, for the meeting +was a regular jam,--not quite so tremendous as that greater one, +where but for the aid of Mr. Smalley, who kept open a breathing-space +round us, my companion and myself thought we should have been +asphyxiated. + +The company was interested, as some of my readers maybe, to know what +were the attractions offered to the visitors besides that of meeting +the courteous entertainers and their distinguished guests. I cannot +give these at length, for each part of the show is introduced in the +programme with apt quotations and pleasantries, which enlivened the +catalogue. There were eleven stalls, "conducted on the cooperative +principle of division of profits and interest; they retain the +profits, and you take a good deal of interest, we hope, in their +success." + +Stall No. 1. Edisoniana, or the Phonograph. Alluded to by +the Roman Poet as Vox, et praeterea nihil. + +Stall No. 2. Money-changing. + +Stall No. 3. Programmes and General Enquiries. + +Stall No. 4. Roses. + +A rose by any other name, etc. Get one. You can't expect to smell +one without buying it, but you may buy one without smelling it. + +Stall No. 5. Lasenby Liberty Stall. +(I cannot explain this. Probably articles from Liberty's famous +establishment.) + +Stall No. 6. Historical Costumes and Ceramics. + +Stall No. 7. The Fish-pond. + +Stall No. 8. Varieties. + +Stall No. 9. Bookstall. +(Books) "highly recommended for insomnia; friends we never speak to, +and always cut if we want to know them well." + +Stall No. 10. Icelandic. + +Stall No. 11. Call Office. +"Mrs. Magnusson, who is devoted to the North Pole and all its works, +will thaw your sympathies, enlighten your minds," etc., etc. + +All you buy may be left at the stalls, ticketed. A duplicate ticket +will be handed to you on leaving. Present your duplicate at the Call +Office. + +At 9.45, First Concert. + +At 10.45, An Address of Welcome by Rev. H. R. Haweis. + +At 11 P. M., Bird-warbling Interlude by Miss Mabel Stephenson, +U. S. A. + +At 11.20, Second Concert. + + NOTICE! + +Three Great Pictures. + +LORD TENNYSON. G. F. Watts, R. A. +JOHN STUART MILL G. F. Watts, R. A. +JOSEPH GARIBALDI Sig. Rondi. + + NOTICE! + +A Famous Violin. + +A world-famed Stradivarius Violin, for which Mr. Hill, of Bond +Street, gave L 1000, etc., etc. + + REFRESHMENTS. + +Tickets for Tea, Coffee, Sandwiches, Iced Drinks, or Ices, Sixpence +each, etc., etc. + +I hope my American reader is pleased and interested by this glimpse +of the way in which they do these things in London. + +There is something very pleasant about all this, but what specially +strikes me is a curious flavor of city provincialism. There are +little centres in the heart of great cities, just as there are small +fresh-water ponds in great islands with the salt sea roaring all +round them, and bays and creeks penetrating them as briny as the +ocean itself. Irving has given a charming picture of such a quasi- +provincial centre in one of his papers in the Sketch-Book,--the one +with the title "Little Britain." London is a nation of itself, and +contains provinces, districts, foreign communities, villages, +parishes,--innumerable lesser centres, with their own distinguishing +characteristics, habits, pursuit, languages, social laws, as much +isolated from each other as if "mountains interposed" made the +separation between them. One of these lesser centres is that over +which my friend Mr. Haweis presides as spiritual director. Chelsea +has been made famous as the home of many authors and artists,--above +all, as the residence of Carlyle during the greater part of his life. +Its population, like that of most respectable suburbs, must belong +mainly to the kind of citizens which resembles in many ways the +better class,--as we sometimes dare to call it,--of one of our +thriving New England towns. How many John Gilpins there must be in +this population,--citizens of "famous London town," but living with +the simplicity of the inhabitants of our inland villages! In the +mighty metropolis where the wealth of the world displays itself they +practise their snug economies, enjoy their simple pleasures, and look +upon ice-cream as a luxury, just as if they were living on the banks +of the Connecticut or the Housatonic, in regions where the summer +locusts of the great cities have not yet settled on the verdure of +the native inhabitants. It is delightful to realize the fact that +while the West End of London is flaunting its splendors and the East +End in struggling with its miseries, these great middle-class +communities are living as comfortable, unpretending lives as if they +were in one of our thriving townships in the huckleberry-districts. +Human beings are wonderfully alike when they are placed in similar +conditions. + +We were sitting together in a very quiet way over our teacups. The +young Doctor, who was in the best of spirits, had been laughing and +chatting with the two Annexes. The Tutor, who always sits next to +Number Five of late, had been conversing with her in rather low +tones. The rest of us had been soberly sipping our tea, and when the +Doctor and the Annexes stopped talking there was one of those dead +silences which are sometimes so hard to break in upon, and so awkward +while they last. All at once Number Seven exploded in a loud laugh, +which startled everybody at the table. + +What is it that sets you laughing so? said I. + +"I was thinking," Number Seven replied, "of what you said the other +day of poetry being only the ashes of emotion. I believe that some +people are disposed to dispute the proposition. I have been putting +your doctrine to the test. In doing it I made some rhymes,--the +first and only ones I ever made. I will suppose a case of very +exciting emotion, and see whether it would probably take the form of +poetry or prose. You are suddenly informed that your house is on +fire, and have to scramble out of it, without stopping to tie your +neck-cloth neatly or to put a flower in your buttonhole. Do you +think a poet turning out in his night-dress, and looking on while the +flames were swallowing his home and all its contents, would express +himself in this style? + + + "My house is on fire! + Bring me my lyre! + Like the flames that rise heavenward my song shall aspire! + +"He would n't do any such thing, and you know he wouldn't. He would +yell Fire! Fire! with all his might. Not much rhyming for him just +yet! Wait until the fire is put out, and he has had time to look at +the charred timbers and the ashes of his home, and in the course of a +week he may possibly spin a few rhymes about it. Or suppose he was +making an offer of his hand and heart, do you think he would declaim +a versified proposal to his Amanda, or perhaps write an impromptu on +the back of his hat while he knelt before her? + + "My beloved, to you + I will always be true. + Oh, pray make me happy, my love, do! do! do! + +"What would Amanda think of a suitor who courted her with a rhyming +dictionary in his pocket to help him make love?" + +You are right, said I,--there's nothing in the world like rhymes to +cool off a man's passion. You look at a blacksmith working on a bit +of iron or steel. Bright enough it looked while it was on the +hearth, in the midst of the sea-coal, the great bellows blowing away, +and the rod or the horse-shoe as red or as white as the burning +coals. How it fizzes as it goes into the trough of water, and how +suddenly all the glow is gone! It looks black and cold enough now. +Just so with your passionate incandescence. It is all well while it +burns and scintillates in your emotional centres, without articulate +and connected expression; but the minute you plunge it into the +rhyme-trough it cools down, and becomes as dead and dull as the cold +horse-shoe. It is true that if you lay it cold on the anvil and +hammer away on it for a while it warms up somewhat. Just so with the +rhyming fellow,--he pounds away on his verses and they warm up a +little. But don't let him think that this afterglow of composition +is the same thing as the original passion. That found expression in +a few oh, oh's, eheu's, helas, helas's, and when the passion had +burned itself out you got the rhymed verses, which, as I have said, +are its ashes. + +I thanked Number Seven for his poetical illustration of my thesis. +There is great good to be got out of a squinting brain, if one only +knows how to profit by it. We see only one side of the moon, you +know, but a fellow with a squinting brain seems now and then to get a +peep at the other side. I speak metaphorically. He takes new and +startling views of things we have always looked at in one particular +aspect. There is a rule invariably to be observed with one of this +class of intelligences: Never contradict a man with a squinting +brain. I say a man, because I do not think that squinting brains are +nearly so common in women as they are in men. The "eccentrics" are, +I think, for the most part of the male sex. + +That leads me to say that persons with a strong instinctive tendency +to contradiction are apt to become unprofitable companions. Our +thoughts are plants that never flourish in inhospitable soils or +chilling atmospheres. They are all started under glass, so to speak; +that is, sheltered and fostered in our own warm and sunny +consciousness. They must expect some rough treatment when we lift +the sash from the frame and let the outside elements in upon them. +They can bear the rain and the breezes, and be all the better for +them; but perpetual contradiction is a pelting hailstorm, which +spoils their growth and tends to kill them out altogether. + +Now stop and consider a moment. Are not almost all brains a little +wanting in bilateral symmetry? Do you not find in persons whom you +love, whom you esteem, and even admire, some marks of obliquity in +mental vision? Are there not some subjects in looking at which it +seems to you impossible that they should ever see straight? Are +there not moods in which it seems to you that they are disposed to +see all things out of plumb and in false relations with each other? +If you answer these questions in the affirmative, then you will be +glad of a hint as to the method of dealing with your friends who have +a touch of cerebral strabismus, or are liable to occasional paroxysms +of perversity. Let them have their head. Get them talking on +subjects that interest them. As a rule, nothing is more likely to +serve this purpose than letting them talk about themselves; if +authors, about their writings; if artists, about their pictures or +statues; and generally on whatever they have most pride in and think +most of their own relations with. + +Perhaps you will not at first sight agree with me in thinking that +slight mental obliquity is as common as I suppose. An analogy may +have some influence on your belief in this matter. Will you take the +trouble to ask your tailor how many persons have their two shoulders +of the same height? I think be will tell you that the majority of +his customers show a distinct difference of height on the two sides. +Will you ask a portrait-painter how many of those who sit to hint +have both sides of their faces exactly alike? I believe he will tell +you that one side is always a little better than the other. What +will your hatter say about the two sides of the head? Do you see +equally well with both eyes, and hear equally well with both ears? +Few persons past middle age will pretend that they do. Why should +the two halves of a brain not show a natural difference, leading to +confusion of thought, and very possibly to that instinct of +contradiction of which I was speaking? A great deal of time is lost +in profitless conversation, and a good deal of ill temper frequently +caused, by not considering these organic and practically insuperable +conditions. In dealing with them, acquiescence is the best of +palliations and silence the sovereign specific. + +I have been the reporter, as you have seen, of my own conversation +and that of the other Teacups. I have told some of the circumstances +of their personal history, and interested, as I hope, here and there +a reader in the fate of different members of our company. Here are +our pretty Delilah and our Doctor provided for. We may take it for +granted that it will not be very long that the young couple will have +to wait; for, as I have told you all, the Doctor is certainly getting +into business, and bids fair to have a thriving practice before he +saddles his nose with an eyeglass and begins to think of a pair of +spectacles. So that part of our little domestic drama is over, and +we can only wish the pair that is to be all manner of blessings +consistent with a reasonable amount of health in the community on +whose ailings must depend their prosperity. + +All our thoughts are now concentrated on the relation existing betwen +Number Five and the Tutor. That there is some profound instinctive +impulse which is drawing them closer together no one who watches them +can for a moment doubt. There are two principles of attraction which +bring different natures together: that in which the two natures +closely resemble each other, and that in which one is complementary +of the other. In the first case, they coalesce, as do two drops of +water or of mercury, and become intimately blended as soon as they +touch; in the other, they rush together as an acid and an alkali +unite, predestined from eternity to find all they most needed in each +other. What is the condition of things in the growing intimacy of +Number Five and the Tutor? He is many years her junior, as we know. +Both of them look that fact squarely in the face. The presumption is +against the union of two persons under these circumstances. +Presumptions are strong obstacles against any result we wish to +attain, but half our work in life is to overcome them. A great many +results look in the distance like six-foot walls, and when we get +nearer prove to be only five-foot hurdles, to be leaped over or +knocked down. Twenty years from now she may be a vigorous and active +old woman, and he a middle-aged, half-worn-out invalid, like so many +overworked scholars. Everything depends on the number of drops of +the elixir vitae which Nature mingled in the nourishment she +administered to the embryo before it tasted its mother's milk. Think +of Cleopatra, the bewitching old mischief-maker; think of Ninon de +L'Enclos, whose own son fell desperately in love with her, not +knowing the relation in which she stood to him; think of Dr. +Johnson's friend, Mrs. Thrale, afterward Mrs. Piozzi, who at the age +of eighty was full enough of life to be making love ardently and +persistently to Conway, the handsome young actor. I can readily +believe that Number Five will outlive the Tutor, even if he is +fortunate enough rather in winning his way into the fortress through +gates that open to him of their own accord. If he fails in his +siege, I do really believe he will die early; not of a broken heart, +exactly, but of a heart starved, with the food it was craving close +to it, but unattainable. I have, therefore, a deep interest in +knowing how Number Five and the Tutor are getting along together. Is +there any danger of one or the other growing tired of the intimacy, +and becoming willing to get rid of it, like a garment which has +shrunk and grown too tight? Is it likely that some other attraction +may come into disturb the existing relation? The problem is to my +mind not only interesting, but exceptionally curious. You remember +the story of Cymon and Iphigenia as Dryden tells it. The poor youth +has the capacity of loving, but it lies hidden in his undeveloped +nature. All at once he comes upon the sleeping beauty, and is +awakened by her charms to a hitherto unfelt consciousness. With the +advent of the new passion all his dormant faculties start into life, +and the seeming simpleton becomes the bright and intelligent lover. +The case of Number Five is as different from that of Cymon as it +could well be. All her faculties are wide awake, but one emotional +side of her nature has never been called into active exercise. Why +has she never been in love with any one of her suitors? Because she +liked too many of them. Do you happen to remember a poem printed +among these papers, entitled "I Like You and I Love You" + +No one of the poems which have been placed in the urn,--that is, in +the silver sugar-bowl,--has had any name attached to it; but you +could guess pretty nearly who was the author of some of them, +certainly of the one just, referred to. Number Five was attracted to +the Tutor from the first time he spoke to her. She dreamed about him +that night, and nothing idealizes and renders fascinating one in whom +we have already an interest like dreaming of him or of her. Many a +calm suitor has been made passionate by a dream; many a passionate +lover has been made wild and half beside himself by a dream; and now +and then an infatuated but hapless lover, waking from a dream of +bliss to a cold reality of wretchedness, has helped himself to +eternity before he was summoned to the table. + +Since Number Five had dreamed about the Tutor, he had been more in +her waking thoughts than she was willing to acknowledge. These +thoughts were vague, it is true,--emotions, perhaps, rather than +worded trains of ideas; but she was conscious of a pleasing +excitement as his name or his image floated across her consciousness; +she sometimes sighed as she looked over the last passage they had +read from the same book, and sometimes when they were together they +were silent too long,--too long! What were they thinking of? + +And so it was all as plain sailing for Number Five and the young +Tutor as it had been for Delilah and the young Doctor, was it? Do +you think so? Then you do not understand Number Five. Many a woman +has as many atmospheric rings about her as the planet Saturn. Three +are easily to be recognized. First, there is the wide ring of +attraction which draws into itself all that once cross its outer +border. These revolve about her without ever coming any nearer. +Next is the inner ring of attraction. Those who come within its +irresistible influence are drawn so close that it seems as if they +must become one with her sooner or later. But within this ring is +another,--an atmospheric girdle, one of repulsion, which love, no +matter how enterprising, no matter how prevailing or how insinuating, +has never passed, and, if we judge of what is to be by what has been, +never will. Perhaps Nature loved Number Five so well that she +grudged her to any mortal man, and gave her this inner girdle of +repulsion to guard her from all who would know her too nearly and +love her too well. Sometimes two vessels at sea keep each other +company for a long distance, it may be daring a whole voyage. Very +pleasant it is to each to have a companion to exchange signals with +from time to time; to came near enough, when the winds are light, to +hold converse in ordinary tones from deck to deck; to know that, in +case of need, there's help at hand. It is good for them to be near +each other, but not good to be too near. Woe is to them if they +touch! The wreck of one or both is likely to be the consequence. +And so two well-equipped and heavily freighted natures may be the +best of companions to each other, and yet must never attempt to come +into closer union. Is this the condition of affairs between Number +Five and the Tutor? I hope not, for I want them to be joined +together in that dearest of intimacies, which, if founded in true +affinity, is the nearest approach to happiness to be looked for in +our mortal, experience. We mast wait. The Teacups will meet once +more before the circle is broken, and we may, perhaps, find the +solution of the question we have raised. + +In the mean time, our young Doctor is playing truant oftener than +ever. He has brought Avis,--if we must call her so, and not +Delilah,--several times to take tea with us. It means something, in +these days, to graduate from one of our first-class academies or +collegiate schools. I shall never forget my first visit to one of +these institutions. How much its pupils know, I said, which I was +never taught, and have never learned! I was fairly frightened to see +what a teaching apparatus was provided for them. I should think the +first thing to be done with most of the husbands, they are likely to +get would be to put them through a course of instruction. The young +wives must find their lords wofully ignorant, in a large proportion +of cases. When the wife has educated the husband to such a point +that she can invite him to work out a problem in the higher +mathematics or to perform a difficult chemical analysis with her as +his collaborator, as less instructed dames ask their husbands to play +a game of checkers or backgammon, they can have delightful and +instructive evenings together. I hope our young Doctor will take +kindly to his wife's (that is to be) teachings. + +When the following verses were taken out of the urn, the Mistress +asked me to hand the manuscript to the young Doctor to read. I +noticed that he did not keep his eyes very closely fixed on the +paper. It seemed as if he could have recited the lines without +referring to the manuscript at all. + + + AT THE TURN OF THE ROAD. + +The glory has passed from the goldenrod's plume, +The purple-hued asters still linger in bloom; +The birch is bright yellow, the sumachs are red, +The maples like torches aflame overhead. + +But what if the joy of the summer is past, +And winter's wild herald is blowing his blast? +For me dull November is sweeter than May, +For my love is its sunshine,--she meets me to-day! + +Will she come? Will the ring-dove return to her nest? +Will the needle swing back from the east or the west? +At the stroke of the hour she will be at her gate; +A friend may prove laggard,--love never comes late. + +Do I see her afar in the distance? Not yet. +Too early! Too early! She could not forget! +When I cross the old bridge where the brook overflowed, +She will flash full in sight at the turn of the road. + +I pass the low wall where the ivy entwines; +I tread the brown pathway that leads through the pines; +I haste by the boulder that lies in the field, +Where her promise at parting was lovingly sealed. + +Will she come by the hillside or round through the wood? +Will she wear her brown dress or her mantle and hood? +The minute draws near,--but her watch may go wrong; +My heart will be asking, What keeps her so long? + +Why doubt for a moment? More shame if I do! +Why question? Why tremble? Are angels more true? +She would come to the lover who calls her his own +Though she trod in the track of a whirling cyclone! + +--I crossed the old bridge ere the minute had passed. +I looked: lo! my Love stood before me at last. +Her eyes, how they sparkled, her cheeks, how they glowed, +As we met, face to face, at the turn of the road! + + + + +XII + +There was a great tinkling of teaspoons the other evening, when I +took my seat at the table, where ail The Teacups were gathered before +my entrance. The whole company arose, and the Mistress, speaking for +them, expressed the usual sentiment appropriate to such occasions. +"Many happy returns" is the customary formula. No matter if the +object of this kind wish is a centenarian, it is quite safe to assume +that he is ready and very willing to accept as many more years as the +disposing powers may see fit to allow him. + +The meaning of it all was that this was my birthday. My friends, +near and distant, had seen fit to remember it, and to let me know in +various pleasant ways that they had not forgotten it. The tables +were adorned with flowers. Gifts of pretty and pleasing objects were +displayed on a side table. A great green wreath, which must have +cost the parent oak a large fraction of its foliage, was an object of +special admiration. Baskets of flowers which had half unpeopled +greenhouses, large bouquets of roses, fragrant bunches of pinks, and +many beautiful blossoms I am not botanist enough to name had been +coming in upon me all day long. Many of these offerings were brought +by the givers in person; many came with notes as fragrant with good +wishes as the flowers they accompanied with their natural perfumes. + +How old was I, The Dictator, once known by another equally audacious +title,--I, the recipient of all these favors and honors? I had +cleared the eight-barred gate, which few come in sight of, and fewer, +far fewer, go over, a year before. I was a trespasser on the domain +belonging to another generation. The children of my coevals were +fast getting gray and bald, and their children beginning to look upon +the world as belonging to them, and not to their sires and +grandsires. After that leap over the tall barrier, it looks like a +kind of impropriety to keep on as if one were still of a reasonable +age. Sometimes it seems to me almost of the nature of a misdemeanor +to be wandering about in the preserve which the fleshless gamekeeper +guards so jealously. But, on the other hand, I remember that men of +science have maintained that the natural life of man is nearer +fivescore than threescore years and ten. I always think of a +familiar experience which I bring from the French cafes, well known +to me in my early manhood. One of the illustrated papers of my +Parisian days tells it pleasantly enough. + +A guest of the establishment is sitting at his little table. He has +just had his coffee, and the waiter is serving him with his petit +verre. Most of my readers know very well what a petit verre is, but +there may be here and there a virtuous abstainer from alcoholic +fluids, living among the bayberries and the sweet ferns, who is not +aware that the words, as commonly used, signify a small glass--a very +small glass--of spirit, commonly brandy, taken as a chasse-cafe, or +coffee-chaser. This drinking of brandy, "neat," I may remark by the +way, is not quite so bad as it looks. Whiskey or rum taken unmixed +from a tumbler is a knock-down blow to temperance, but the little +thimbleful of brandy, or Chartreuse, or Maraschino, is only, as it +were, tweaking the nose of teetotalism. + +Well,--to go back behind our brackets,--the guest is calling to the +waiter, "Garcon! et le bain de pieds! "Waiter! and the foot-bath! +--The little glass stands in a small tin saucer or shallow dish, and +the custom is to more than fill the glass, so that some extra brandy +rung over into this tin saucer or cup-plate, to the manifest gain of +the consumer. + +Life is a petit verre of a very peculiar kind of spirit. At seventy +years it used to be said that the little glass was full. We should +be more apt to put it at eighty in our day, while Gladstone and +Tennyson and our own Whittier are breathing, moving, thinking, +writing, speaking, in the green preserve belonging to their children +and grandchildren, and Bancroft is keeping watch of the gamekeeper in +the distance. But, returning resolutely to the petit verre, I am +willing to concede that all after fourscore is the bain de pieds, +--the slopping over, so to speak, of the full measure of life. I +remember that one who was very near and dear to me, and who lived to +a great age, so that the ten-barred gate of the century did not look +very far off, would sometimes apologize in a very sweet, natural way +for lingering so long to be a care and perhaps a burden to her +children, themselves getting well into years. It is not hard to +understand the feeling, never less called for than it was in the case +of that beloved nonagenarian. I have known few persons, young or +old, more sincerely and justly regretted than the gentle lady whose +memory comes up before me as I write. + +Oh, if we could all go out of flower as gracefully, as pleasingly, as +we come into blossom! I always think of the morning-glory as the +loveliest example of a graceful yielding to the inevitable. It is +beautiful before its twisted corolla opens; it is comely as it folds +its petals inward, when its brief hours of perfection are over. +Women find it easier than men to grow old in a becoming way. A very +old lady who has kept something, it may be a great deal, of her +youthful feelings, who is daintily cared for, who is grateful for the +attentions bestowed upon her, and enters into the spirit of the young +lives that surround her, is as precious to those who love her as a +gem in an antique setting, the fashion of which has long gone by, but +which leaves the jewel the color and brightness which are its +inalienable qualities. With old men it is too often different. They +do not belong so much indoors as women do. They have no pretty +little manual occupations. The old lady knits or stitches so long as +her eyes and fingers will let her. The old man smokes his pipe, but +does not know what to do with his fingers, unless he plays upon some +instrument, or has a mechanical turn which finds business for them. + +But the old writer, I said to The Teacups, as I say to you, my +readers, labors under one special difficulty, which I am thinking of +and exemplifying at this moment. He is constantly tending to reflect +upon and discourse about his own particular stage of life. He feels +that he must apologize for his intrusion upon the time and thoughts +of a generation which he naturally supposes must be tired of him, if +they ever had any considerable regard for him. Now, if the world of +readers hates anything it sees in print, it is apology. If what one +has to say is worth saying, he need not beg pardon fur saying it. If +it is not worth saying I will not finish the sentence. But it is so +hard to resist the temptation, notwithstanding that the terrible line +beginning "Superfluous lags the veteran" is always repeating itself +in his dull ear! + +What kind of audience or reading parish is a man who secured his +constituency in middle life, or before that period, to expect when he +has reached the age of threescore and twenty? His coevals have +dropped away by scores and tens, and he sees only a few units +scattered about here and there, like the few beads above the water +after a ship has gone to pieces. Does he write and publish for those +of his own time of life? He need not print a large edition. Does he +hope to secure a hearing from those who have come into the reading +world since his coevals? They have found fresher fields and greener +pastures. Their interests are in the out-door, active world. Some +of them are circumnavigating the planet while he is hitching his +rocking chair about his hearth-rug. Some are gazing upon the +pyramids while he is staring at his andirons. Some are settling the +tariff and fixing the laws of suffrage and taxation while he is +dozing over the weather bulletin, and going to sleep over the +obituaries in his morning or evening paper. + +Nature is wiser than we give her credit for being; never wiser than +in her dealings with the old. She has no idea of mortifying them by +sudden and wholly unexpected failure of the chief servants of +consciousness. The sight, for instance, begins to lose something of +its perfection long before its deficiency calls the owner's special +attention to it. Very probably, the first hint we have of the change +is that a friend makes the pleasing remark that we are "playing the +trombone," as he calls it; that is, moving a book we are holding +backward and forward, to get the right focal distance. Or it may be +we find fault with the lamp or the gas-burner for not giving so much +light as it used to. At last, somewhere between forty and fifty, we +begin to dangle a jaunty pair of eye-glasses, half plaything and half +necessity. In due time a pair of sober, business-like spectacles +bestrides the nose. Old age leaps upon it as his saddle, and rides +triumphant, unchallenged, until the darkness comes which no glasses +can penetrate. Nature is pitiless in carrying out the universal +sentence, but very pitiful in her mode of dealing with the condemned +on his way to the final scene. The man who is to be hanged always +has a good breakfast provided for him. + +Do not think that the old look upon themselves as the helpless, +hopeless, forlorn creatures which they seem to young people. Do +these young folks suppose that all vanity dies out of the natures of +old men and old women? A dentist of olden time told me that a good- +looking young man once said to him, "Keep that incisor presentable, +if you can, till I am fifty, and then I sha'n't care how I look." I +venture to say that that gentleman was as particular about his +personal appearance and as proud of his good looks at fifty, and many +years after fifty, as he was in the twenties, when he made that +speech to the dentist. + +My dear friends around the teacups, and at that wider board where I +am now entertaining, or trying to entertain, my company, is it not as +plain to you as it is to me that I had better leave such tasks as +that which I am just finishing to those who live in a more +interesting period of life than one which, in the order of nature, is +next door to decrepitude? Ought I not to regret having undertaken to +report the doings and sayings of the members of the circle which you +have known as The Teacups? + +Dear, faithful reader, whose patient eyes have followed my reports +through these long months, you and I are about parting company. +Perhaps you are one of those who have known me under another name, in +those far-off days separated from these by the red sea of the great +national conflict. When you first heard the tinkle of the teaspoons, +as the table was being made ready for its guests, you trembled for +me, in the kindness of your hearts. I do not wonder that you did,--I +trembled for myself. But I remembered the story of Sir Cloudesley +Shovel, who was seen all of a tremor just as he was going into +action. "How is this?" said a brother officer to him. "Surely you +are not afraid?" "No," he answered, "but my flesh trembles at the +thought of the dangers into which my intrepid spirit will carry me." +I knew the risk of undertaking to carry through a series of connected +papers. And yet I thought it was better to run that risk, more +manly, more sensible, than to give way to the fears which made my +flesh tremble as did Sir Cloudesley Shovel's. For myself the labor +has been a distraction, and one which came at a time when it was +needed. Sometimes, as in one of those poems recently published,--the +reader will easily guess which,--the youthful spirit has come over me +with such a rush that it made me feel just as I did when I wrote the +history of the "One-hoss Shay" thirty years ago. To repeat one of my +comparisons, it was as if an early fruit had ripened on a graft upon +an old, steady-going tree, to the astonishment of all its later- +maturing products. I should hardly dare to say so much as this if I +had not heard a similar opinion expressed by others. + +Once committed to my undertaking, there was no turning back. It is +true that I had said I might stop at any moment, but after one or two +numbers it seemed as if there were an informal pledge to carry the +series on, as in former cases, until I had completed my dozen +instalments. + +Writers and speakers have their idiosyncrasies, their habits, their +tricks, if you had rather call them so, as to their ways of writing +and speaking. There is a very old and familiar story, accompanied by +a feeble jest, which most of my readers may probably enough have met +with in Joe Miller or elsewhere. It is that of a lawyer who could +never make an argument without having a piece of thread to work upon +with his fingers while he was pleading. Some one stole it from him +one day, and he could not get on at all with his speech,--he had lost +the thread of his discourse, as the story had it. Now this is what I +myself once saw. It was at a meeting where certain grave matters +were debated in an assembly of professional men. A speaker, whom I +never heard before or since, got up and made a long and forcible +argument. I do not think he was a lawyer, but he spoke as if he had +been trained to talk to juries. He held a long string in one hand, +which he drew through the other band incessantly, as he spoke, just +as a shoe maker performs the motion of waxing his thread. He +appeared to be dependent on this motion. The physiological +significance of the fact I suppose to be that the flow of what we +call the nervous current from the thinking centre to the organs of +speech was rendered freer and easier by the establishment of a +simultaneous collateral nervous current to the set of muscles +concerned in the action I have described. + +I do not use a string to help me write or speak, but I must have its +equivalent. I must have my paper and pen or pencil before me to set +my thoughts flowing in such form that they can be written +continuously. There have been lawyers who could think out their +whole argument in connected order without a single note. There are +authors,--and I think there are many,--who can compose and finish off +a poem or a story without writing a word of it until, when the proper +time comes, they copy what they carry in their heads. I have been +told that Sir Edwin Arnold thought out his beautiful "Light of Asia" +in this way. + +I find the great charm of writing consists in its surprises. When +one is in the receptive attitude of mind, the thoughts which are +sprung upon him, the images which flash through his--consciousness, +are a delight and an excitement. I am impatient of every hindrance +in setting down my thoughts,--of a pen that will not write, of ink +that will not flow, of paper that will not receive the ink. And here +let me pay the tribute which I owe to one of the humblest but most +serviceable of my assistants, especially in poetical composition. +Nothing seems more prosaic than the stylographic pen. It deprives +the handwriting of its beauty, and to some extent of its individual +character. The brutal communism of the letters it forms covers the +page it fills with the most uniformly uninteresting characters. But, +abuse it as much as you choose, there is nothing like it for the +poet, for the imaginative writer. Many a fine flow of thought has +been checked, perhaps arrested, by the ill behavior of a goose-quill. +Many an idea has escaped while the author was dipping his pen in the +inkstand. But with the stylographic pen, in the hands of one who +knows how to care for it and how to use it, unbroken rhythms and +harmonious cadences are the natural products of the unimpeded flow of +the fluid which is the vehicle of the author's thoughts and fancies. +So much for my debt of gratitude to the humble stylographic pen. It +does not furnish the proper medium for the correspondence of +intimates, who wish to see as much of their friends' personality as +their handwriting can hold,--still less for the impassioned +interchange of sentiments between lovers; but in writing for the +press its use is open to no objection. Its movement over the paper +is like the flight of a swallow, while the quill pen and the steel +pen and the gold pen are all taking short, laborious journeys, and +stopping to drink every few minutes. + +A chief pleasure which the author of novels and stories experiences +is that of becoming acquainted with the characters be draws. It is +perfectly true that his characters must, in the nature of things, +have more or less of himself in their composition. If I should seek +an exemplification of this in the person of any of my Teacups, I +should find it most readily in the one whom I have called Number +Seven, the one with the squinting brain. I think that not only I, +the writer, but many of my readers, recognize in our own mental +constitution an occasional obliquity of perception, not always +detected at the time, but plain enough when looked back upon. What +extravagant fancies you and I have seriously entertained at one time +or another! What superstitious notions have got into our heads and +taken possession of its empty chambers,--or, in the language of +science, seized on the groups of nerve-cells in some of the idle +cerebral convolutions! + + +The writer, I say, becomes acquainted with his characters as be goes +on. They are at first mere embryos, outlines of distinct +personalities. By and by, if they have any organic cohesion, they +begin to assert themselves. They can say and do such and such +things; such and such other things they cannot and must not say or +do. The story-writer's and play-writer's danger is that they will +get their characters mixed, and make A say what B ought to have said. +The stronger his imaginative faculty, the less liable will the writer +be to this fault; but not even Shakespeare's power of throwing +himself into his characters prevents many of his different personages +from talking philosophy in the same strain and in a style common to +them all. + +You will often observe that authors fall in love with the imaginary +persons they describe, and that they bestow affectionate epithets +upon them which it may happen the reader does not consider in any way +called for. This is a pleasure to which they have a right. Every +author of a story is surrounded by a little family of ideal children, +as dear to him, it may be, as are flesh-and-blood children to their +parents. You may forget all about the circle of Teacups to which I +have introduced you,--on the supposition that you have followed me +with some degree of interest; but do you suppose that Number Five +does not continue as a presence with me, and that my pretty Delilah +has left me forever because she is going to be married? + +No, my dear friend, our circle will break apart, and its different +members will soon be to you as if they had never been. But do you +think that I can forget them? Do you suppose that I shall cease to +follow the love (or the loves; which do you think is the true word, +the singular or the plural?) of Number Five and the young Tutor who +is so constantly found in her company? Do you suppose that I do not +continue my relations with the "Cracked Teacup,"--the poor old fellow +with whom I have so much in common, whose counterpart, perhaps, you +may find in your own complex personality? + +I take from the top shelf of the hospital department of my library- +the section devoted to literary cripples, imbeciles, failures, +foolish rhymesters, and silly eccentrics--one of the least +conspicuous and most hopelessly feeble of the weak-minded population +of that intellectual almshouse. I open it and look through its +pages. It is a story. I have looked into it once before,--on its +first reception as a gift from the author. I try to recall some of +the names I see there: they mean nothing to me, but I venture to say +the author cherishes them all, and cries over them as he did when he +was writing their history. I put the book back among its dusty +companions, and, sitting down in my reflective rocking-chair, think +how others must forget, and how I shall remember, the company that +gathered about this table. + +Shall I ever meet any one of them again, in these pages or in any +other? Will the cracked Teacup hold together, or will he go to +pieces, and find himself in that retreat where the owner of the +terrible clock which drove him crazy is walking under the shelter of +the high walls? Has the young Doctor's crown yet received the seal +which is Nature's warrant of wisdom and proof of professional +competency? And Number Five and her young friend the Tutor,--have +they kept on in their dangerous intimacy? Did they get through the +tutto tremante passage, reading from the same old large edition of +Dante which the Tutor recommended as the best, and in reading from +which their heads were necessarily brought perilously near to each +other? + +It would be very pleasant if I could, consistently with the present +state of affairs, bring these two young people together. I say two +young people, for the one who counts most years seems to me to be +really the younger of the pair. That Number Five foresaw from the +first that any tenderer feeling than that of friendship would intrude +itself between them I do not believe. As for the Tutor, he soon +found where he was drifting. It was his first experience in matters +concerning the heart, and absorbed his whole nature as a thing of +course. Did he tell her he loved her? Perhaps he did, fifty times; +perhaps he never had the courage to say so outright. But sometimes +they looked each other straight in the eyes, and strange messages +seemed to pass from one consciousness to the other. Will the Tutor +ask Number Five to be his wife; and if he does, will she yield to the +dictates of nature, and lower the flag of that fortress so long +thought impregnable? Will be go on writing such poems to her as "The +Rose and the Fern" or "I Like You and I Love You," and be content +with the pursuit of that which he never can attain? That is all very +well, on the "Grecian Urn" of Keats,--beautiful, but not love such as +mortals demand. Still, that may be all, for aught that we have yet +seen. + + +"Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave +Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare; +Bold lover, never, never, canst thou kiss, +Though winning near the goal,--yet do not grieve; +She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss, +Forever wilt thou love, and she be fair! + + ......................... + +"More happy love! more happy, happy love! +Forever warm, and still to be enjoyed, +Forever panting and forever young!" + + +And so, good-bye, young people, whom we part with here. Shadows you +have been and are to my readers; very real you have been and are to +me,--as real as the memories of many friends whom I shall see no +more. + +As I am not in the habit of indulging in late suppers, the reader +need not think that I shall spread another board and invite him to +listen to the conversations which take place around it. If, from +time to time, he finds a slight refection awaiting him on the +sideboard, I hope he may welcome it as pleasantly as he has accepted +what I have offered him from the board now just being cleared. + + + + .......................... + + + +It is a good rule for the actor who manages the popular street drama +of Punch not to let the audience or spectators see his legs. It is +very hard for the writer of papers like these, which are now coming +to their conclusion, to keep his personality from showing itself too +conspicuously through the thin disguises of his various characters. +As the show is now over, as the curtain has fallen, I appear before +it in my proper person, to address a few words to the friends who +have assisted, as the French say, by their presence, and as we use +the word, by the kind way in which they have received my attempts at +their entertainment. + +This series of papers is the fourth of its kind which I have offered +to my readers. I may be allowed to look back upon the succession of +serial articles which was commenced more than thirty years ago, in +1857. "The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table" was the first of the +series. It was begun without the least idea what was to be its +course and its outcome. Its characters shaped themselves gradually +as the manuscript grew under my hand. I jotted down on the sheet of +blotting paper before me the thoughts and fancies which came into my +head. A very odd-looking object was this page of memoranda. Many of +the hints were worked up into formal shape, many were rejected. +Sometimes I recorded a story, a jest, or a pun for consideration, and +made use of it or let it alone as my second thought decided. I +remember a curious coincidence, which, if I have ever told in print, +--I am not sure whether I have or not,--I will tell over again. I +mention it, not for the pun, which I rejected as not very edifying +and perhaps not new, though I did not recollect having seen it. + +Mulier, Latin for woman; why apply that name to one of the gentle but +occasionally obstinate sex? The answer was that a woman is +(sometimes) more mulish than a mule. Please observe that I did not +like the poor pun very well, and thought it rather rude and +inelegant. So I left it on the blotter, where it was standing when +one of the next numbers of "Punch" came out and contained that very +same pun, which must have been hit upon by some English contributor +at just about the same time I fell upon it on this side of the +Atlantic. This fact may be added to the chapter of coincidences +which belongs to the first number of this series of papers. + +The "Autocrat" had the attraction of novelty, which of course was +wanting in the succeeding papers of similar character. The +criticisms upon the successive numbers as they came out were various, +but generally encouraging. Some were more than encouraging; very +high-colored in their phrases of commendation. When the papers were +brought together in a volume their success was beyond my +expectations. Up to the present time the "Autocrat" has maintained +its position. An immortality of a whole generation is more than most +writers are entitled to expect. I venture to think, from the letters +I receive from the children and grandchildren of my first set of +readers, that for some little time longer, at least, it will continue +to be read, and even to be a favorite with some of its readers. Non +omnis moriar is a pleasant thought to one who has loved his poor +little planet, and will, I trust, retain kindly recollections of it +through whatever wilderness of worlds he may be called to wander in +his future pilgrimages. I say "poor little planet." Ever since I +had a ten cent look at the transit of Venus, a few years ago, through +the telescope in the Mall, the earth has been wholly different to me +from what it used to be. I knew from books what a speck it is in the +universe, but nothing ever brought the fact home like the sight of +the sister planet sailing across the sun's disk, about large enough +for a buckshot, not large enough for a full-sized bullet. Yes, I +love the little globule where I have spent more than fourscore years, +and I like to think that some of my thoughts and some of my emotions +may live themselves over again when I am sleeping. I cannot thank +all the kind readers of the "Autocrat" who are constantly sending me +their acknowledgments. If they see this printed page, let them be +assured that a writer is always rendered happier by being told that +he has made a fellow-being wiser or better, or even contributed to +his harmless entertainment. This a correspondent may take for +granted, even if his letter of grateful recognition receives no +reply. It becomes more and more difficult for me to keep up with my +correspondents, and I must soon give it up as impossible. + +"The Professor at the Breakfast Table" followed immediately on the +heels of the "Autocrat." The Professor was the alter ego of the +first personage. In the earlier series he had played a secondary +part, and in this second series no great effort was made to create a +character wholly unlike the first. The Professor was more outspoken, +however, on religious subjects, and brought down a good deal of hard +language on himself and the author to whom he owed his existence. I +suppose he may have used some irritating expressions, unconsciously, +but not unconscientiously, I am sure. There is nothing harder to +forgive than the sting of an epigram. Some of the old doctors, I +fear, never pardoned me for saying that if a ship, loaded with an +assorted cargo of the drugs which used to be considered the natural +food of sick people, went to the bottom of the sea, it would be "all +the better for mankind and all the worse for the fishes." If I had +not put that snapper on the end of my whip-lash, I might have got off +without the ill temper which my antithesis provoked. Thirty years +set that all right, and the same thirty years have so changed the +theological atmosphere that such abusive words as "heretic" and +"infidel," applied to persons who differ from the old standards of +faith, are chiefly interesting as a test of breeding, being seldom +used by any people above the social half-caste line. I am speaking +of Protestants; how it may be among Roman Catholics I do not know, +but I suspect that with them also it is a good deal a matter of +breeding. There were not wanting some who liked the Professor better +than the Autocrat. I confess that I prefer my champagne in its first +burst of gaseous enthusiasm; but if my guest likes it better after it +has stood awhile, I am pleased to accommodate him. The first of my +series came from my mind almost with an explosion, like the champagne +cork; it startled me a little to see what I had written, and to hear +what people said about it. After that first explosion the flow was +more sober, and I looked upon the product of my wine-press more +coolly. Continuations almost always sag a little. I will not say +that of my own second effort, but if others said it, I should not be +disposed to wonder at or to dispute them. + +"The Poet at the Breakfast Table" came some years later. This series +of papers was not so much a continuation as a resurrection. It was a +doubly hazardous attempt, made without any extravagant expectations, +and was received as well as I had any right to anticipate. It +differed from the other two series in containing a poem of +considerable length, published in successive portions. This poem +holds a good deal of self-communing, and gave me the opportunity of +expressing some thoughts and feelings not to be found elsewhere in my +writings. I had occasion to read the whole volume, not long since, +in preparation for a new edition, and was rather more pleased with it +than I had expected to be. An old author is constantly rediscoving +himself in the more or less fossilized productions of his earlier +years. It is a long time since I have read the "Autocrat," but I +take it up now and then and read in it for a few minutes, not always +without some degree of edification. + +These three series of papers, "Autocrat," "Professor," "Poet," are +all studies of life from somewhat different points of view. They are +largely made up of sober reflections, and appeared to me to require +some lively human interest to save them from wearisome didactic +dulness. What could be more natural than that love should find its +way among the young people who helped to make up the circle gathered +around the table? Nothing is older than the story of young love. +Nothing is newer than that same old story. A bit of gilding here and +there has a wonderful effect in enlivening a landscape or an +apartment. Napoleon consoled the Parisians in their year of defeat +by gilding the dome of the Invalides. Boston has glorified her State +House and herself at the expense of a few sheets of gold leaf laid on +the dome, which shines like a sun in the eyes of her citizens, and +like a star in those of the approaching traveller. I think the +gilding of a love-story helped all three of these earlier papers. +The same need I felt in the series of papers just closed. The slight +incident of Delilah's appearance and disappearance served my purpose +to some extent. But what should I do with Number Five? The reader +must follow out her career for himself. For myself, I think that she +and the Tutor have both utterly forgotten the difference of their +years in the fascination of intimate intercourse. I do not believe +that a nature so large, so rich in affection, as Number Five's is +going to fall defeated of its best inheritance of life, like a vine +which finds no support for its tendrils to twine around, and so +creeps along the ground from which nature meant that love should lift +it. I feel as if I ought to follow these two personages of my +sermonizing story until they come together or separate, to fade, to +wither,--perhaps to die, at last, of something like what the doctors +call heart-failure, but which might more truly be called heart- +starvation. When I say die, I do not mean necessarily the death that +goes into the obituary column. It may come to that, in one or both; +but I think that, if they are never united, Number Five will outlive +the Tutor, who will fall into melancholy ways, and pine and waste, +while she lives along, feeling all the time that she has cheated +herself of happiness. I hope that is not going to be their fortune, +or misfortune. Vieille fille fait jeune mariee. What a youthful +bride Number Five would be, if she could only make up her mind to +matrimony! In the mean time she must be left with her lambs all +around her. May heaven temper the winds to them, for they have been +shorn very close, every one of them, of their golden fleece of +aspirations and anticipations. + +I must avail myself of this opportunity to say a few words to my +distant friends who take interest enough in my writings, early or +recent, to wish to enter into communication with me by letter, or to +keep up a communication already begun. I have given notice in print +that the letters, books, and manuscripts which I receive by mail are +so numerous that if I undertook to read and answer them all I should +have little time for anything else. I have for some years depended +on the assistance of a secretary, but our joint efforts have proved +unable, of late, to keep down the accumulations which come in with +every mail. So many of the letters I receive are of a pleasant +character that it is hard to let them go unacknowledged. The extreme +friendliness which pervades many of them gives them a value which I +rate very highly. When large numbers of strangers insist on claiming +one as a friend, on the strength of what he has written, it tends to +make him think of himself somewhat indulgently. It is the most +natural thing in the world to want to give expression to the feeling +the loving messages from far-off unknown friends must excite. Many a +day has had its best working hours broken into, spoiled for all +literary work, by the labor of answering correspondents whose good +opinion it is gratifying to have called forth, but who were +unconsciously laying a new burden on shoulders already aching. I +know too well that what I say will not reach the eyes of many who +might possibly take a hint from it. Still I must keep repeating it +before breaking off suddenly and leaving whole piles of letters +unanswered. I have been very heavily handicapped for many years. It +is partly my own fault. From what my correspondents tell me, I must +infer that I have established a dangerous reputation for willingness +to answer all sorts of letters. They come with such insinuating +humility,--they cannot bear to intrude upon my time, they know that +I have a great many calls upon it,--and incontinently proceed to lay +their additional weight on the load which is breaking my back. + +The hypocrisy of kind-hearted people is one of the most painful +exhibitions of human weakness. It has occurred to me that it might +be profitable to reproduce some of my unwritten answers to +correspondents. If those which were actually written and sent were +to be printed in parallel columns with those mentally formed but not +written out responses and comments, the reader would get some idea of +the internal conflicts an honest and not unamiable person has to go +through, when he finds himself driven to the wall by a correspondence +which is draining his vocabulary to find expressions that sound as +agreeably, and signify as little, as the phrases used by a +diplomatist in closing an official communication. + +No. 1. Want my autograph, do you? And don't know how to spell my +name. An a for an e in my middle name. Leave out the l in my last +name. Do you know how people hate to have their names misspelled? +What do you suppose are the sentiments entertained by the Thompsons +with a p towards those who address them in writing as Thomson? + +No. 2. Think the lines you mention are by far the best I ever +wrote, hey? Well, I didn't write those lines. What is more, I think +they are as detestable a string of rhymes as I could wish my worst +enemy had written. A very pleasant frame of mind I am in for writing +a letter, after reading yours! + +No. 3. I am glad to hear that my namesake, whom I never saw and +never expect to see, has cut another tooth; but why write four pages +on the strength of that domestic occurrence? + +No. 4. You wish to correct an error in my Broomstick poem, do you? +You give me to understand that Wilmington is not in Essex County, but +in Middlesex. Very well; but are they separated by running water? +Because if they are not, what could hinder a witch from crossing the +line that separates Wilmington from Andover, I should like to know? +I never meant to imply that the witches made no excursions beyond the +district which was more especially their seat of operations. + + +As I come towards the end of this task which I had set myself, I +wish, of course, that I could have performed it more to my own +satisfaction and that of my readers. This is a feeling which almost +every one must have at the conclusion of any work he has undertaken. +A common and very simple reason for this disappointment is that most +of us overrate our capacity. We expect more of ourselves than we +have any right to, in virtue of our endowments. The figurative +descriptions of the last Grand Assize must no more be taken literally +than the golden crowns, which we do not expect or want to wear on our +heads, or the golden harps, which we do not want or expect to hold in +our hands. Is it not too true that many religious sectaries think of +the last tribunal complacently, as the scene in which they are to +have the satisfaction of saying to the believers of a creed different +from their own, "I told you so"? Are not others oppressed with the +thought of the great returns which will be expected of them as the +product of their great gifts, the very limited amount of which they +do not suspect, and will be very glad to learn, even at the expense +of their self-love, when they are called to their account? If the +ways of the Supreme Being are ever really to be "justified to men," +to use Milton's expression, every human being may expect an +exhaustive explanation of himself. No man is capable of being his +own counsel, and I cannot help hoping that the ablest of the, +archangels will be retained for the defence of the worst of sinners. +He himself is unconscious of the agencies which made him what he is. +Self-determining he may be, if you will, but who determines the self +which is the proximate source of the determination? Why was the A +self like his good uncle in bodily aspect and mental and moral +qualities, and the B self like the bad uncle in look and character? +Has not a man a right to ask this question in the here or in the +hereafter,--in this world or in any world in which he may find +himself? If the All-wise wishes to satisfy his reasonable and +reasoning creatures, it will not be by a display of elemental +convulsions, but by the still small voice, which treats with him as a +dependent entitled to know the meaning of his existence, and if there +was anything wrong in his adjustment to the moral and spiritual +conditions of the world around him to have full allowance made for +it. No melodramatic display of warring elements, such as the white- +robed Second Adventist imagines, can meet the need of the human +heart. The thunders and lightnings of Sinai terrified and impressed +the more timid souls of the idolatrous and rebellious caravan which +the great leader was conducting, but a far nobler manifestation of +divinity was that when "the Lord spake unto Moses face to face, as a +man speaketh unto his friend." + + +I find the burden and restrictions of rhyme more and more troublesome +as I grow older. There are times when it seems natural enough to +employ that form of expression, but it is only occasionally; and the +use of it as the vehicle of the commonplace is so prevalent that one +is not much tempted to select it as the medium for his thoughts and +emotions. The art of rhyming has almost become a part of a high- +school education, and its practice is far from being an evidence of +intellectual distinction. Mediocrity is as much forbidden to the +poet in our days as it was in those of Horace, and the immense +majority of the verses written are stamped with hopeless mediocrity. + +When one of the ancient poets found he was trying to grind out verses +which came unwillingly, he said he was writing + + INVITA MINERVA. + +Vex not the Muse with idle prayers,-- +She will not hear thy call; +She steals upon thee unawares, +Or seeks thee not at all. + +Soft as the moonbeams when they sought +Endymion's fragrant bower, +She parts the whispering leaves of thought +To show her full-blown flower. + +For thee her wooing hour has passed, +The singing birds have flown, +And winter comes with icy blast +To chill thy buds unblown. + +Yet, though the woods no longer thrill +As once their arches rung, +Sweet echoes hover round thee still +Of songs thy summer sung. + +Live in thy past; await no more +The rush of heaven-sent wings; +Earth still has music left in store +While Memory sighs and sings. + + +I hope my special Minerva may not always be unwilling, but she must +not be called upon as she has been in times past. Now that the +teacups have left the table, an occasional evening call is all that +my readers must look for. Thanking them for their kind +companionship, and hoping that I may yet meet them in the now and +then in the future, I bid them goodbye for the immediate present. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext of Over the Teacups, by Oliver W. Holmes + diff --git a/old/teacp11.zip b/old/teacp11.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e0308c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/teacp11.zip |