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diff --git a/26523.txt b/26523.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7f5f41c --- /dev/null +++ b/26523.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5437 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Jessica Letters: An Editor's Romance, by +Paul Elmer More and Corra Harris + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Jessica Letters: An Editor's Romance + +Author: Paul Elmer More + Corra Harris + +Release Date: September 4, 2008 [EBook #26523] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JESSICA LETTERS *** + + + + +Produced by Roger Frank and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + +The +Jessica Letters + +An Editor's Romance + +G. P. Putnam's Sons +New York and London +The Knickerbocker Press +1904 + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +Copyright, 1904 +by +G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS +Published, April, 1904 + +The Knickerbocker Press, New York + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +_Dear Jessica_: + +_For a little while like shadows we have played our parts on a shadowy +stage, aping the passions and follies of actual life. And now, as the kind +authors who gave us being withdraw their support and leave us to fade away +into nothingness, the doubt arises whether our little comedy was not all +in vain. I do not know. A wise poet of the real world once said that man's +life was merely_ the dream of a shadow, _yet somehow men persuade +themselves that their own pursuits are greatly serious. Was our life any +less than that, and were not our hopes and sorrows and tremulous joy as +full of meaning to us as theirs to the creatures who strut upon the stage +of the world? Again I say, I do not know: Only I am troubled that so fair +an image as yours should prove after all a dream, a shadow's dream, and +melt so swiftly away_:-- + + In what strange lines of beauty should I draw thee? + In what sad purple dreamshine paint thee true? + How should I make them see who never saw thee? + How should I make them know who never knew? + +_And my last word is a message. He who created me would convey in this, my +farewell letter, his thanks to the creator of Jessica. He himself has +found in our correspondence only pleasure, and, as he turns from this +romance to other and different work of the pen, he hopes that she who made +you will be encouraged by your charm to deal bravely with her imagination +and to give the world other romances quite her own and without the alloy +of his coarser wit_. + + _Philip_. + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +CONTENTS + + PAGE + +PART I--Which shows how Jessica +visits an editor in the city, and +what comes of it 1 + +PART II--Which shows how the editor +visits Jessica in the country, and +how love and philosophy +sometimes clash 83 + +PART III--Which shows how the editor +again visits Jessica in the country, and +how love is buffeted between +philosophy and religion 212 + + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +The First Part + +which shows how Jessica visits an editor +in the city, and what comes of it. + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + + + + +I + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + + NEW YORK, April 20, 19--. + +MY DEAR MISS DOANE: + +You will permit me to address you with this semblance of familiarity, I +trust, for the frankness of our conversation in my office gives me some +right to claim you as an acquaintance. And first of all let me tell you +that we shall be glad to print your review of _The Kentons_, and shall be +pleased to send you a long succession of novels for analysis if you can +always use the scalpel with such atrocious cunning as in this case. I say +atrocious cunning, for really you have treated Mr. Howells with a touch of +that genial "process of vivisection" to which it pleases him to subject +the lively creatures of his own brain. + +"Mr. Howells," you say, "is singularly gifted in taking to pieces the +spiritual machinery of unimpeachable ladies and gentlemen"; and really you +have made of the author one of the good people of his own book! That is a +malicious revenge for his "tedious accuracy," is it not? And you dare to +speak of his "hypnotic power of illusion which is so essentially a freak +element in his mode of expression that even in portraying the tubby, +good-natured, elderly gentleman in this story he refines upon his vitals +and sensibilities until the wretched victim becomes a sort of cataleptic." +Now that is a "human unfairness" from a critic whom the most ungallant +editor would be constrained to call fair! + +I forget that I am asked to sit as adviser to you in a question of great +moment. But be assured neither you nor your perplexing query has really +slipped from my memory. Often while I sit at my desk in this dingy room +with the sodden uproar of Printing House Square besieging my one +barricadoed window, I recall the eagerness of your appeal to me as to one +experienced in these matters: "Can you encourage me to give my life to +literature?" Indeed, my brave votaress, there is something that disturbs +me in the directness of that question, something ominous in those words, +_give my life_. Literature is a despised goddess in these days to receive +such devotion. + + Naked and poor thou goest, Philosophy, + +as Petrarch wrote, and as we may say of Literature. If you ask me whether +it will pay you to employ the superfluities of your cleverness in writing +reviews and sketches and stories,--why, certainly, do so by all means. I +have no fear of your ultimate success in money and in the laughing honours +of society. But if you mean literature in any sober sense of the word, God +forbid that I should encourage the giving of your young life to such a +consuming passion. Happiness and success in the pursuit of any ideal can +only come to one who dwells in a sympathetic atmosphere. Do you think a +people that lauds Mr. Spinster as a great novelist and Mr. Perchance as a +great critic can have any knowledge of that deity you would follow, or any +sympathy for the follower? + +It has been my business to know many writers and readers of books. I have +in all my experience met just four men who have given themselves to +literature. One of these four lives in Cambridge, one is a hermit in the +mountains, one teaches school in Nebraska, and one is an impecunious clerk +in New York. They are each as isolated in the world as was ever an +anchorite of the Thebaid; they have accomplished nothing, and are utterly +unrecognised; they are, apart from the lonely solace of study, the +unhappiest men of my acquaintance. The love of literature is a jealous +passion, a self-abnegation as distinct from the mere pleasure of clever +reading and clever writing as the religion of Pascal was distinct from the +decorous worship of Versailles. The solitude of self-acknowledged failure +is the sure penalty for pursuing an ideal out of harmony with the life +about us. I speak bitterly; I feel as if an apology were due for such +earnestness in writing to one who is, after all, practically a stranger to +me. + +Forgive my naive zeal; but I remember that you spoke to me on the subject +with a note of restrained emotion which flatters me into thinking I may +not be misunderstood. And, to seek pardon for this personal tone by an +added personality, it distresses me to imagine a life like yours, with +which the world must deal bountifully in mere gratitude for the joy it +takes from you,--to imagine a life like yours, I say, sacrificed to any +such grim Moloch. Write, and win applause for gay cleverness, but do not +consider literature seriously. Above all, write me a word to assure me I +have not given offence by this very uneditorial outburst of rhetoric. + + Sincerely yours, + PHILIP TOWERS. + + + + +II + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + + MORNINGTOWN, GEORGIA, April 27, 19--. + +MY DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +Since my return home I have thought earnestly of my visit to New York. +That was the first time I was ever far beyond the community boundaries of +some Methodist church in Georgia. I think I mentioned to you that my +father is an itinerant preacher. But for one brief day I was a small and +insignificant part of the life in your great city, unnoted and +unclassified. And you cannot know what that sensation means, if you were +not brought up as a whole big unit in some small village. The sense of +irresponsibility was delightful. I felt as if I had escaped through the +buckle of my father's creed and for once was a happy maverick soul in the +world at large, with no prayer-meeting responsibilities. I could have +danced and glorified God on a curbstone, if such a manifestation of +heathen spirituality would not have been unseemly. + +But the chief event of that sensational day was my visit to you. Of course +you cannot know how formidable the literary editor of a great newspaper +appears to a friendless young writer. And from our brief correspondence I +had already pictured you grim and elderly, with huge black brows bunched +together as if your eyes were ready to spring upon me miserable. I even +thought of adding a white beard,--you do use long graybeard words +sometimes, and naturally I had associated them with your chin. You can +imagine, then, my relief as I entered your office, with the last legs of +my courage tottering, and beheld you, not in the least ferocious in +appearance, and not even _old_! The revulsion from my fears and anxieties +was so swift and complete that, you will remember, I gave both hands in +salutation, and had I possessed a miraculous third, you should have had +that also. + +I am so pleased to have you confirm my judgment of Howells's novel; and +that I am to have more books for review. I doubt, however, if Mr. Howells +will ever reap the benefit of my criticisms, for not long since I read a +note from him saying that he never looked into _The Gazette_. You must +already have given offence by doubting his literary infallibility. + +But on the whole you question the wisdom of my ambition to "give my life +to literature." As to that I am inclined to follow Ellen Thorneycroft +Fowler's opinion: "Writing is like flirting,--if you can't do it, nobody +can teach you; and if you can do it, nobody can keep you from doing it." +With a certain literary aspirant I know, writing is even more like +flirting than that,--an artful folly with literature which will never rise +to the dignity of a wedding sacrifice. She could no more give herself +seriously to the demands of such a profession than a Southern mockingbird +can take a serious view of music. He makes it quite independently of mind, +gets his inspiration from the fairies, steals his notes, and dedicates the +whole earth to the sky every morning with a green-tree ballad, utterly +frivolous. Such a performance, my dear Mr. Towers, can never be termed a +"sacrifice"; rather it is the wings and tail of humour expressed in a +song. But who shall say the dear little wag has no vocation because his +small feather-soul is expressed by a minuet instead of an anthem? + +Therefore do not turn your editorial back upon me because I am incapable +of the more earnest sacrifice. Even if I only chirrup a green-tree ballad, +I shall need a chorister to aid me in winning those "laughing honours of +society." And your supervision is all the more necessary, since, as you +said to me, I live in a section where the literary point of view is more +sentimental than accurate. This is accounted for, not by a lack of native +wit, but by the fact that we have no scholarship or purely intellectual +foundations. We are romanticists, but not students in life or art. We make +no great distinctions between ideality and reality because with us +existence itself is one long cheerful delusion. Now, while I suffer from +these limitations more or less, my ignorance is not invincible, and I +could learn much by disagreeing with you! Your letters would be antidotal, +and thus, by a sort of mental allopathy, beneficial. + + Sincerely, + JESSICA DOANE. + + + + +III + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +MY DEAR MISS DOANE: + +There can be no doubt of it. Your reply, which I should have acknowledged +sooner, gives substance to the self-reproach that came to me the moment my +letter to you was out of my hands. All my friends complain that they can +get nothing from me but "journalistic correspondence"; and now when once I +lay aside the hurry and constraint of the editorial desk to respond to +what seemed a personal demand in a new acquaintance, I quite lose myself +and launch out into a lyrical disquisition which really applies more to my +own experience than to yours. Will you not overlook this fault of egotism? +Indeed I cannot quite promise that, if you receive many letters from me in +the course of your reviewing, you may not have to make allowances more +than once for a note of acrid personality, or egotism, if you please, +welling up through the decorum of my editorial advisings. "If we shut +nature out of the door, she will come in at the window," is an old saying, +and it holds good of newspaper doors and windows, as you see. + +But really, what I had in mind, or should have had in mind, was not +the vague question whether you should "sacrifice your life to +literature,"--that question you very properly answered in a tone of +bantering sarcasm; but whether you should sacrifice your present manner of +life to come and seek your fortune in this "literary metropolis"--Heaven +save the mark! Let me say flatly, if I have not already said it, there is +no literature in New York. There are millions of books manufactured +here, and millions of them sold; but of literature the city has no +sense--or has indeed only contempt. Some day I may try to explain what +I mean by this sharp distinction between the making of books, or even the +love of books, and the genuine aspiration of literature. The +distinction is as real to my mind--has proved as lamentably real in my +actual experience--as that conceived in the Middle Ages between the +life of a _religiosus_, Thomas a Kempis, let us say, and of a faithful +man of the world. But this is a mystery, and I will not trouble you +with mysteries or personal experiences. You would write as your Southern +mockingbird sings his "green-tree ballad"; the thought of that bird +mewed in a city cage and taught to perform by rote and not for +spontaneous joy, troubled me not a little. I am sending you by express +several books....[1] + + + + +IV + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +MY DEAR MISS DOANE: + +I have said such harsh things about our present-day makers of books that I +am going to send you, by way of palliative, a couple of volumes by living +writers who really have some notion of literature. One is Brownell's +_Victorian Prose Masters_, and the other is Santayana's _Poetry and +Religion_. If they give you as much pleasure as they have given me, I know +I shall win your gratitude, which I much desire. It is a little +disheartening and a justification of my pessimism that neither of these +men has received anything like the same general recognition as our fluent +Mr. Perchance, that interpreter of literature to the American +_bourgeoisie_. I will slip in also a volume or two of Matthew Arnold, as a +good touchstone to try them on. Now that you are becoming a professional +weigher of books yourself, you ought to be acquainted with these +gentlemen. + + + + +V + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +MY DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +Do not reproach yourself for having written me a "journalistic" letter. I +always think of an editor as having only ink-bottle insides, ever ready to +turn winged fancies into printed matter, or to enter upon a "lyrical +disquisition" concerning them. Your distinction consists in a disposition +to abandon the formalities of the editorial desk that you may "respond to +the personal demands of a new acquaintance." And this humane amiability +leads me to make a naive confession. There are some people whose demands +are always personal. I think it is their limitation, resulting from a +state of naturalness, more or less primitive, out of which they have not +yet evolved. They do not appeal to your judgment or wisdom or even to your +sympathy, but to _you_. Their very spirits are composed of a sort of +sunflower dust that settles everywhere. And if they have what we term the +higher life at all, it is expressed by a woodland call to some tree-top +spirit in you. Thus, here am I, really desirous of an abstract, artistic +training of the mind, already taking liberties with the sacred corners of +your editorial dignity by impressing _personal_ demands. + +And just so am I related to the whole of life,--even to the "publicans" in +my father's congregation. Indeed, if the desire "to eat with sinners" +insured salvation, there would be less cause for alarm about my miraculous +future state. The attraction, you understand, depends not upon the fact of +their being sinners, but upon the sincerity of their mortality. The more +unassumingly these reprobates live in their share of the common flesh, far +below spiritual pretences, the more does my wayward mind tip the scales of +unregenerate humour in their direction. My instincts hobnob with their +dust. But do not infer that I have identified you with these undisciplined +characters. When I was a child, out of the rancour of a well-tutored +Southern imagination I honestly believed that every man the other side of +Mason and Dixon's line had a blue complexion, thin legs, and a long tail. +And once when I was still very young, as I hurried from school through a +lonely wood, I actually _saw_ one of these monsters quite plainly. And I +thought I observed that his tail was slightly forked at the end! I have +long since forgiven you these terrifying caudal appendages, of course, +but, for all that, I keep a wary eye upon my heavenly bodies and at least +one wing stretched even unto this day when my guardian angel introduces a +Northern man. My patriotic instincts recommend at once the wisdom of +strategy. And it is well the "personal demands" come from me to you; for, +had the direction been reversed, by this time I should have sought refuge +somewhere in my last ditch and run up a little tattered flag of rebellion +to signify the state of my mind. + +It is just as well that you advise me against trying my fortunes in your +"literary metropolis." My father is set with all his scriptures against +the idea. "Strait is the gate and narrow is the way that leads to eternal +life"; and, having predestined me for a deaconess in his church, he is +firmly convinced that the strait and narrow way for me does not lie in the +direction of New York. However, I have already whispered to my +confidential hole-in-the-ground that nothing but the extremity of old-maid +desperation will ever induce me to accept the vocation of a deaconess. +Thus do a man's children play hide and seek with the beam in his eye while +he practises upon the mote in theirs! But if, some day when the heavens +are doubtful between sun and rain, you espy a little ruffled rainbow, +propelled by a goose-quill pen, coquetting northward with the retiring +clouds, know that 'tis the spirit of Jessica Doane arched for another +outing in your literary regions. + +Meanwhile you amaze me with the charge that "of literature the city has no +sense, or indeed only contempt," and I await the promised explanation with +interest. For my own part, I often wonder if there will remain any +opportunities for literary intelligence to expand at all when the happy +(?) faculty of man's ingenuity has devastated all nature's countenance and +resources with "improvements," cut down all the trees to make houses of, +and turned all the green waterways into horse-power for machinery. Then we +shall have cotton-mill epics, phonograph elegies from the tops of tall +buildings; and then ragtime music, which interprets that divine art only +for vulgar heels and toes, will take the place of anthems and great +operas. + +The books have come, and among them is another lady's literary effort to +make a garden. _Judith_ it is this time, following hard upon the sunburned +heels of _Elizabeth, Evelina_, and I do not know how many more hairpin +gardeners. Why does not some man with a real spade and hoe give his +experience in a sure-enough garden? I am wearied of these little +freckled-beauty diggers who use the same vocabulary to describe roses and +lilies that they do in discussing evening toilets and millinery +creations. + + + + +VI + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +MY DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +We have had a visitor, Professor M----, the doctor of English literature +in E---- College, which you will remember is not very far from +Morningtown. He came to examine a few first editions father has of some +old English classics--(I have neglected to tell you that this is father's +one carnal indulgence, dead books printed in funny hunchbacked type!). He +is a young man, but so bewhiskered that his face suggests a hermit +intelligence staring at life through his own wilderness. His voice is +pitched to a Browning tenor tone, and I have good reasons for believing +that he is a bachelor. + +Still we had some talk together, and that is how I came to practise a +deceit upon you. Seeing a copy of _The Gazette_ lying on the table this +morning, Professor M---- was reminded to say that there was a "strong +man," Philip Towers by name, connected with that paper now. I cocked my +head at once like a starling listening to a new tune, for that was the +first time I had heard your name praised by a literary man in the South. +He went on to say that he had been delighted with your last book, _Milton +and His Generation_, and asked if I had observed your work in the literary +department of _The Gazette_. I admitted demurely that I had. He praised +several reviews (all written by me!) particularly, and said that you were +the only critic in America now who was telling the truth about modern +fiction. Then he incensed me with this final comment: + +"I do not understand how he does this newspaper work so forcefully, almost +savagely, and is at the same time capable of writing such delicate, +scholarly essays as this volume contains!" + +"I have seen Mr. Towers," I remarked, mentally determining that you should +suffer for that distinction. + +"Indeed! what manner of man is he?" + +"His dust has congealed, stiffened into a sort of plaster-of-Paris +exterior, and he has what I call a _disinterred_ intelligence!" + +"A what?" + +"A man whose very personality is a kind of mental reservation, and whose +intelligence has been resurrected up through the thought and philosophy of +three thousand years." + +M---- looked awkward but impressed. + +And I hoped he would ask how you actually looked, for I was in the mood to +give a perfectly God-fearing description of you. + +But from the foregoing you will see that I am capable of sharing your +literary glory on the sly, and without compunction. Indeed, the false role +created in me a perverse mood. And I entered into a literary discussion +with M---- that outraged his pedantic soul. It was my way of perjuring his +judgment, in return for his unwitting approval of my reviews. Besides, the +assumption of infallibility by dull, scholarly men who have neither +imagination nor genius has always amused me. And this one danced now as +frantically as if he had unintentionally grasped a live wire that hurt and +burned, but would not let go! Finally I said very engagingly: + +"Doctor M----, I hope to improve in these matters by taking a course of +instruction under you next year." + +"Now God forbid that you should ever do such a thing, Miss Doane! I would +sooner have you thrust dynamite under the chair of English Literature, +than see you in one of my classes!" + +Thus am I cast upon the barren primer commons of this cold world! And that +reminds me to say that I have been reading the essays by Arnold and +Brownell which you gave me, with no little animosity. Brownell's criticism +of Thackeray is very suggestive, and brushes away a deal of trash that has +been written about his lack of artistic method. But I never supposed such +loose sentences would be characteristic of so acute a critic. They do not +stick together naturally, but merely logically. And I am sure you would +not tolerate them from me. But of all the books you have given me I like +best George Santayana's _Poetry and Religion_. Who is he anyhow? It may be +a disgraceful admission to make, but I never heard of him before. His name +is foreign, and his style is not American. For when an American says a +daring thing, particularly of religion, he says it impudently, with a +vulgar bravado. But this man writes out his opinion coolly, simply, with +that fine hauteur that will not condescend to know of opposition. I think +that is admirable. Arnold's courtesy and satirical temperance in dealing +with what he discredits is a pose by the side of this man's mental grace +and courage. And you know how we usually denominate style: it is the +little lace-frilled petticoat of the lady novelist's mincing passions, or +the breeches that belong to a male author's mental respirations. But with +this man, style is a spirit sword which cleaves between delusions and +facts, which separates religion from reality and establishes it in our +upper consciousness of ideality. + +Is it not absurd for such a barbarian as I am to discuss these +gospel-makers of literature with you? But it is much more remarkable that +one or any of them should excite my admiration and respect. Really, if you +must know it, Mr. Towers, this is where I grow humble-minded in your +presence. I am fascinated with your ability to deal with the usually +indefinable, the esoteric side of art,--the esoteric side of life by +interpretation. And here I discover a shadowy, ghostly likeness between +you and this George Santayana. You do not think toward the same ends, or +write in the same style, but you _know_ things alike, as if you had both +drunk from the same Eastern fountain of mysteries. + +And now I am about to change my gratitude into indignation. For I begin to +suspect that you sent me these books to inculcate the doctrine of literary +humility. If so, you have succeeded beyond your highest expectations. +Until now, writing has been a series of desperate experiments with me. I +progressed by inspiration. But these fellows--Arnold especially--discredit +all such performances. And he does it with the air of an English gentleman +inspecting a naked cannibal. He makes my flesh creep! He regards an +inspiration as a sort of vulgarity that must be dressed and stretched +before it can be used. From his point of view I infer that he considers +genius as a dangerous kind of drunkenness that fascinates the world, but +is really closely related to bad form in literature. On the other hand, +father says that if Matthew Arnold had known of me he would have purchased +me, placed me in a cage with a fountain pen, and exhibited me to his +classes at Oxford as a literary freak! + + + + +VII + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +MY DEAR MISS DOANE: + +I will remember your amused hostility to "hairpin gardeners" and see that +no more out-of-door books come to you until I have one with a stimulating +odour of burning cornstalks and rotting cabbages. Meanwhile let me assure +you that your reviews of _Elizabeth, Evelina, Judith_, and their sisters +have been none the less delightful for a vein of wicked impatience running +through them. The books I am now sending.... + +You ought not to be amazed at my dismal comments on latter-day literature. +The fact is, you have dissected our present book-makers better than I +could do it myself, for the reason that I am too amiable (I presume, you +see, that I have the wit) to judge my fellow-workers with such merciless +veracity. + +But I have just read an article in the _Popular Science Monthly_ which +throws an unexpected light on the subject. The paper is by Dr. Minot and +is a biologist's comment on "The Problem of Consciousness." You might not +suppose that an argument to show how "the function of consciousness is to +dislocate in time the reactions from sensations" (!) would have much to do +with the properties of literature, but it has. Let me copy out some of his +words, as probably you have not seen the magazine: + + "The communication between individuals is especially characteristic + of vertebrates, and in the higher members of that subkingdom it plays + a very great role in aiding the work of consciousness. In man, owing + to articulate speech, the factor of communication has acquired a + maximum importance. The value of language, our principal medium of + communication, lies in its aiding the adjustment of the individual + and the race to external reality. Human evolution is the continuation + of animal evolution, and in both the dominant factor has been the + increase of the resources available for consciousness." + +Now that sounds pretty well for a scientist. It should seem to follow +that literature, being, so to speak, the permanent mode of +communication,--conveying ideas and emotions not merely from man to +man, but from generation to generation,--is the predominant means by which +this development of consciousness is attained. It is a pretty support we +derive from the enemy. But mark the serpent in the grass--"the +adjustment of the individual and the race to external reality." The real +aim of evolution is purely external, the adjustment of man to +environment; consciousness has value in so far as it promotes this +adjustment. Flatly, to me, this is pure nonsense, a putting of the +cart before the horse, a vulgar _hysteron-proteron_, none the less +execrable because it is the working principle not of a single man, but +of the whole of soctety to-day. Consciousness, I hold, is the supremely +valuable thing, and progress, evolution, civilisation, etc., are only +significant in so far as they afford nourishment to it. Literature is +the self-sufficient fruit of this consciousness, I say; the world says it +is a mere means of promoting our physical adjustment. You see I take up +lightly the huge enmity of the world. + +This is wild stuff to put into a journalistic letter, no doubt. If I were +writing a treatise I would undertake to show that this difference of view +in regard to consciousness and physical adjustment is the oldest and most +serious debate of human intelligence. Saint Catharine, Thomas a Kempis, +and all those religious fanatics who counted the world well lost, made a +god of consciousness and thought very little of physical adjustment. The +debate in their day was an equal one. To-day it is all on one side--and +_vae victis_! I cry out--why should I not?--as one of the conquered, and I +am charitable enough to advise another not to enter the combat. It is a +poor consolation to wrap yourself in your virtue, mount a little pedestal, +set your hand on your heart, and spout with Lucan: _The winning cause for +the gods, but the vanquished for me_! Sometimes we begin to wonder +whether, after all, the world may not be right, and at that moment the +wind begins to blow pretty chill through our virtue. + + + + +VIII + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +MY DEAR MISS DOANE: + +Is my suspicion right? Was my last letter to you really a tangle of crude +ideas? That has grown to be my way, until I begin to wonder whether the +horrid noises of Park Row may not have thrown my mind a little out of +balance. For my strength lay in silence and solitude. It is hard for me to +establish any sufficient bond between my intellectual life and my personal +relationships, and as a consequence my letters, when they cease to be mere +journalistic memoranda, float out into a sea of unrestrained revery. + +Yet I would ask you to be patient with me in this matter. From the first, +even before I saw you here in New York, I felt that somehow you might, by +mere patience and indulgence, if you would, re-establish the lost bond in +my life; that somehow the shadow of your personality was fitted to move +among the shadows of my intellectual world. What a strange compliment to +send a young woman!--for compliment it seems in my eyes. + +Meanwhile, as some explanation of this intellectual twilight into which I +would so generously introduce you, I am sending you a little book I wrote +and foolishly printed several years ago on the quiet life of the Hindus. +The mood of the book still returns to me at times, though I have cast away +its philosophy as impracticable. I look for peace in the way that Plato +trod, and some day I shall write my palinode in that spirit. Let me, in +this connection, copy out a few verses I wrote last night and the night +before. It is my first digression into poetry since I was a boy: + + THE THREE COMMANDS + + I + + Out of this meadow-land of teen and dole, + Because my heart had harboured in its cell + One prophet's word, an Angel bore my soul + Through starry ways to God's high citadel. + + There in the shadow of a thousand domes + I walked, beyond the echo of earth's noise; + While down the streets between the happy homes + Only the murmur passed of infinite joys. + + Then said my soul: "O fair-engirdled Guide! + Show me the mansion where I, too, may won: + Here in forgetful peace I would abide, + And barter earth for God's sweet benison." + + "Nay," he replied, "not thine the life Elysian, + Live thou the world's life, holding yet thy vision + A hope and memory, till thy course be run." + + II + + Then said my soul: "I faint and seek my rest; + The glory of the vision veils mine eyes; + These infinite murmurs beating at my breast + Turn earthly music into plangent sighs. + + "Because thou biddest, I will tread the maze + With men my brothers, yet my hands withhold + From building at the Babel towers they raise, + And all my life within my heart infold." + + The Angel answered: "Lo, as in a dream + Thy feet have passed beyond the gates of flame; + And evermore the toils of men must seem + But wasteful folly in a path of shame. + + "Yet I command thee, and vouchsafe no reason, + Thou shalt endure the world's work for a season; + Work thou, and leave to others fame and blame." + + III + + I bowed submission, dumb a little while. + Then said my soul: "Thy will I dare not balk; + I reach my hands to labours that defile, + And help to rear a plant of barren stalk. + + "Yet only I, because in life I bear + The vision of that peace, may never feel + The spur of keen ambition, never share + The dread of loss that makes the world's work real. + + "Therefore in scorn I draw my bitter breath, + And sorrow cherish as my proudest right, + Till scorn and sorrow fade in sweeter death." + The Angel answered, turning as for flight: + + "The labour sorrow-done is more than sterile, + And scorn will change thy vision to soul's peril: + Be glad; thy work is gladness, child of light!" + + + + +IX + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +MY DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +Many thanks for this copy of your book, _The Forest Philosophers of +India_. I have just finished reading it, and now I understand you better. +Your sense of reality has been destroyed by this mysticism of the East. +The normal man has a more materialistic consciousness. But having lost +that, your very spirit has dissolved into these strange illuminations +which you call thought, but which I fear are only the ghostly rays of a +Nirvana intelligence. With you life is but a breath without form, a +whisper out of your long eternity. And I confess that to me the impression +of a man not being at home in his own body is nothing short of +terrifying. + +You were not expecting so fierce a criticism of your own book from one of +your own reviewers, I suspect. Ah, but your "Three Commands" have laid me +under a spell. I cannot say anything about them without saying too much; +and I am a little rebellious. + + + + +X + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +MY DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +I have not replied earlier to your letter on the problem of consciousness, +because I was waiting to read Dr. Minot's article. At last I got hold of +the magazine, and so far from finding your comments "a tangle of crude +ideas," they have even proved suggestive--perhaps not in the way you +expected. For following your line of thought, I wondered if it could have +been some violent death-rate among our own species that has produced that +desperate phenomenon, the literary consciousness of the historical +novelist I have been reviewing for you. And, come to think of it, I do not +know any other class of people whose problem of consciousness could be so +readily reduced to a "bionomical" platitude. They all write for the same +slaying purpose. Did you ever observe how few of their characters survive +the ordeals of art? Usually it is the long-lost heroine, and the hero, +"wounded unto death" however, and one has the impression that even these +would not have lived so long but for the necessity of the final page. + +But I must not fail to tell you of a dramatic episode in connection with +my first venture into the realm of biological thought. _The Popular +Science Monthly_ has long been proscribed at the parsonage on account of +its heretical tendencies. And my purpose was to keep a profound secret the +fact that I had purchased a copy containing Minot's article. But some +demon prompted me to inquire of my father the meaning of the term +"epiphenomenon." Now a long association with the idea of omniscience has +rendered him wiser in consciousness than in fact, which is a joke the +imagination often plays upon serious people. But he could neither give a +definition nor find the word in his ancient Webster. This dictionary is +his only unquestioned authority outside the Holy Scriptures, and he +declines to accept any word not vouched for by this venerable authority. +Therefore he reasoned that "epiphenomenon" had been built up to +accommodate some modern theory of thought, some new leprosy of the mind +never dreamed of by the noble lexicographer. And so, fixing me with a pair +of accusing glasses, he inquired: + +"My daughter, where did you see this remarkable word?" + +I do not question that I am a direct descendant from my fictitious +grandmother, Eve! I am always being tempted by apples of information, and +I have often known the mortifying sensation of wishing to hide my guilty +countenance in my more modern petticoat on that account. + +He read the "blasphemous" article through, only pausing to point out +heresies and perversions of the sacred truth as he went along. But when he +reached the sentence in which the author calmly asserts the theory of +monism, he actually gagged with indignation: "My child, do you know that +this godless wretch claims that the same principle of life which makes the +cabbage also vitalises man?" I looked horrified, but I could barely +restrain my laughter; for, indeed, there are "flat-dutch"-headed gentlemen +in his congregation who might as well have come up at the end of a cabbage +stalk for all the thinking they do. But I need not tell you that the +magazine containing the profane treatise on consciousness was burned, +while a livid picture was drawn of my own future if I persisted in +stealing forbidden fruit from this particular tree of knowledge. + +But your last letter put me into a more serious frame of mind. And I _am_ +complimented that you entertain the hope that I may be of assistance in +re-establishing the lost bond between you and real life. But do you know +that you have appealed to the missionary instincts of a barbarian? The +attributes of patience and indulgence do not belong to natures like mine. +Never has any affliction worked out patience in me, never has my strongest +affection taken the form of indulgence. In me Love and Friendship, Sorrow +and Gladness, take fiercer forms of expression. + +But I will not conceal from you the fact that from the first I have felt +in our relationship a curious sensation of magic in one opposed to mystery +in the other. I have felt the abandon and madness of a happy dancer, +whirling around the dim edge of your shadow-land in the wild expectation +of beholding the disembodied spirit of you come forth to join me. It is +not that I _wished_ to work a charm, but the shadow of your mysterious +life draws me into the opposition of a counter-influence. The gift of +power is not in me to set foot across the magic line into the dim land of +your soul, any more than I could dissolve into a breath of moonlit air, or +a wave of the sea. For, in you, I seem to perceive some strange phenomenon +of a spirit changed to twilight gloom which covers all your hills and +valleys with the mournful shadow of approaching night. Often this +conception appalls me, but more frequently I conceive a wild energy from +the idea, as of one sent to rim the shadows in close and closer till some +star shall shine down and bless them into heroic form and substance. And I +have been amazed to find within my mind a witch's charm for working +rainbow miracles upon your dim sky,--but so it is. There have always been +mad moments in my life when I have felt all-powerful, as if I had got hold +of the ribbon ends of an incantation! This is another one of my +limitations at which you must not laugh. For a juggler must be taken +seriously, or he juggles in vain; he must have an opportunity to create +the necessary illusion in you to insure the success of his performance. +Meanwhile, I go to make the circle of my dance smaller; who knows but +to-morrow I may be a snow-bunting on your tall cliffs, or a little +homeless wren seeking shelter in your valley. + + + + +XI + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +MY DEAR MISS DOANE: + +So I am a disembodied ghost in your estimation, and you, "happy dancer," +are whirling around the rim of my shadow-land with some sweet incantation +learned in your Georgia woods to conjure me out into the visible world. +Really I would call that a delicious bit of impertinence were I not afraid +the word might be taken in the wrong sense. + +And yet, I must confess it, there is too much truth in what you say. Some +day, when I am bolder, I may unfold to you the whole story of my ruin--for +it is a ruin to be disembodied, is it not? I may even indicate the single +phrase, the mysterious word of all mysteries, that might evoke the spirit +from the past and incarnate him in the living present. Do not try to guess +the phrase, I beseech you, for it would frighten you now and so I should +lose my one chance of reincarnation. When I visit you in the South, some +day soon, I will tell you the magic word I have learned. + +What hocus-pocus I must seem to be talking, as if there were some cheap +tragedy in my life. Indeed there is nothing of the sort. I have lived as +tamely as a house-cat, my only escapade having been an innocent attempt at +playing Timon for a couple of years. The drama of my life has been a mere +battling with shadows. Your relation of the effect produced in your home +by Dr. Minot's heresies carries me back to the first act in that shadow +fight, for I too was brought up by the strictest of parents, and, indeed, +was myself, as a boy, a veritable prodigy of piety. What would you think +of me as a preacher expounding the gospel over a piano-stool for pulpit to +a rapt congregation of three? I could show you a sermon of that precocious +Mr. Pound-text printed in the New York _Observer_ when he was as much as +nine years old--and the sermon might be worse. + +I can recall these facts readily enough; but the battle of doubt and faith +that I passed through a few years later I can no more realise than I can +now realise your father's blessed assurance of heaven. I know vaguely that +it was a time of unspeakable agony for me, a rending asunder, as it were, +of soul and body. The doctrine was bred into my bones; I saw the folly of +it intellectually, but the emotional comfort of it was the very +quintessence of my life. The struggle came upon me alone and I was without +help or guidance. Into those few years of boyish vacillation, I see now +that the whole tragedy of more than a century of human experience was +thrust. One day I sat in church listening to a sermon of appealing +eloquence: "And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the +world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were +evil." Was I too deliberately turning my back on the light? I hid my face +and cried. That was the end. I came out of the church free, but I had +suffered too much. Something passed from my life that day which nothing +can replace; for perfect faith, like love, comes to a man but once. + +1 was empty of comfort and without resting-place for my spirit. Then said +I: Look you, belief in this religion as dogma is gone; why not hold fast +to its imaginative beauty! If revelation is a fraud, at least the +intricacies of this catholic faith have grown up from the long yearning of +the human heart, and possess this inner reality of corresponding with our +spiritual needs. And for several years I wrought at Christian symbolism, +trying to build up for my soul a home of poetical faith so to speak. But +in the end this could not satisfy me; I knew that I was cherishing a sham, +a pretty make-believe after the manner of children. Better the blindness +of true religion than this illusion of the imagination. And I was now a +grown man. + +Then by some inner guidance I turned to India. How shall I tell you what I +found in the philosophies of that land! One thing will surprise you. +Instead of pessimism I found in India during a certain period of time a +happiness, an exultation of happiness, such as the world to-day cannot +even imagine. And I found that this happiness sprang from no pretended +revelation but from a profound understanding of the heart. Do this, said +the books, and you will feel thus, and so step by step to the consummation +of ecstasy. I read and was amazed; I understood and knew that I too, if my +will were strong, might slip from bondage and be blessed. But I saw +further that the path lay away from this world, that I must renounce every +desire which I had learned to call good, that I must strip my soul naked +of all this civilisation which we have woven in a loom of three thousand +years. The dying command of Buddha terrified me: "All things pass away; +work out your own salvation diligently!" The words were spoken to comfort +and strengthen the bereaved disciples, but to me they sounded as an +imprecation, so different is the training of our society from theirs. The +loneliness and austerity of the command appalled me; I would not take the +first step, and turned back to seek the beautiful things of the eye. + +And now at last I am caught up in the illusion of a new Western ideal--not +Christianity, for that has passed away, strange as such a statement may +sound to you in your orthodox home, but yet a legacy of Christ. Thou shalt +love God with all thy heart and thy neighbour as thyself, was the law of +Christianity. We have forgotten God and the responsibility of the +individual soul to its own divinity; we have made a fetish of our +neighbour's earthly welfare. We are not Christians but humanitarians, +followers of a maimed and materialistic faith. This is the ideal of the +world to-day, and from it I see but one door of escape--and none but a +strong man shall open that door. + +So I look at the world and life, but, even as I write, something like a +foreboding shudder comes over me. I think of your home and your father and +the straitness of the law under which you live, and I wonder whether after +all the ghost of that fierce theology is yet laid. Can it be that this law +which darkened my boyhood shall arise again and claim the joy of my +maturer years? + +Alas, you who venture to trip so gayly about the rim of my shadow-land +with your brave incantations, behold what spirit of gloom and malignant +mutterings you have evoked from the night. I have written more than I +meant--too much, I fear. + + + + +XII + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +MY DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +An evangelist has been here this week. He fell upon us like a howling +dervish who had fed fanaticisms on locusts and wild honey. And he has +stirred up the spiritual dust of this community by showing an intimacy +with God's plans in regard to us very disconcerting to credulously minded +sinners. As for me, I have passed this primer-state of religious emotion. +I am sure a kind God made me, and so I belong to Him, good or bad. In any +case I cannot change the whole spiritual economy of Heaven with my poor +prayers and confessions. I try to think of my shortcomings, therefore, as +merely the incidents of an eternal growth. I shall outlive them all in the +course of time, quite naturally, perennially, as the trees outlive the +blight of winter and put forth each year a new greenness of aspiring +leaves. I dare not say that I know God, and I will not believe some +doctrines taught concerning Him; but I keep within the principle of life +and follow as best I can the natural order of things. And for the most +part I feel as logically related to the divine order as the flowers are to +the seasons. I know that if this really is His world, + + should the chosen guide + Be nothing better than a wandering cloud, + I cannot miss my way. + +Are you shocked, dear Shadow, at such a creed of sun and dust?--you, a +dishoused soul, wandering like a vagrant ghost along life's green edge? +After all, I doubt if I am so far behind you in spiritual experience. The +difference is, I have two heavens, that orthodox one of my imagination, +and this real heaven-earth of which I am so nearly a part. But you have +forced the doors of mystery and escaped before your time. And you can +never return to the old dust-and-daisy communion with nature, yet you are +appalled at the loneliness and the terrible sacrifices made by a man in +your situation. Your spiritual ambition has outstripped your courage. You +are an adventurer, rather than an earnest pilgrim to Mecca. + +And yet day after day as I have weathered farther and farther back in the +church, like a little white boat with all my sails reefed to meet the +gospel storm of damnation that has been raging from the pulpit, I have +thought of you and your Indian philosophy, by way of contrast, almost as a +haven of refuge. Our religion seems to me to have almost the limitations +of personality. There can be no other disciples but Christian disciples. +Our ethics are bounded by doctrines and dogmas. But, whether Buddhist or +Christian, the final test of initiation is always the same--"All things +pass away, work out your own salvation with diligence," "Die to the +world," "Present your bodies a living sacrifice"--and you would not make +these final renunciations. You "turned back to seek the beautiful things +of the eye." Well, if one is only wise enough to know what the really +beautiful things are, it is as good a way as any to spin up to God. +Meanwhile, I doubt if that "Western ideal," the kind-hearted naturalism +which "makes a fetish of our neighbour's welfare," will hold you long. +Already you "see one door" of escape. I wonder into what starry desert of +heaven it leads. + +Do you know, I cannot rid myself of the notion that yours is an enchanted +spirit, always seeking doors of escape; but at the moment of exit the wild +wings that might have borne you out fail. Some earth spell casts you back, +incarnate once more. A little duodecimal of fairy love divides the desires +of your heart and draws one wing down. "The beautiful things of the eye," +that is your little personal footnote, O stranger, which clings like a +sweet prophecy to all your asceticism and philosophy. And prophecies +cannot be evaded. They must be fulfilled. They are predestined sentences +which shape our doom, quite independently of our prayers I sometimes +think,--like the lily that determined to be a reed, and wished itself tall +enough, only to be crowned at last with a white flag of blooms. + +And do not expect me to pray you through these open ways of escape. I only +watch them to wish you may never win through. Something has changed me and +set my heart to a new tune. I must have already made my escape, for it +seems to me that I am on the point of becoming immortal. As I pass along +the world, I am Joy tapping the earth with happy heels. I am gifted all at +once with I do not know what magic, so that all my days are changed to +heaven. And almost I could start a resurrection of "beautiful things" only +to see you so glad. But that will never be. There are always your wings to +be reckoned with; and with them you are ever ready to answer the voices +you hear calling you from the night heavens, from the temples and tombs of +the East. + +Yesterday I saw a woman sitting far back in the shadows of the church +wearing such a look of sadness that she frightened me. It was not goodness +but sorrow that had spiritualised her face. And to me she seemed a wan +prisoner looking through the windows of her cell, despairing, like one who +already knows his death sentence. "What if after all I am mistaken," I +thought, "and there really is occasion for such grief as that!" I could +think of nothing but that white mystery of sorrow piercing the gloom with +mournful eyes. And when at last the "penitents" came crowding the altar +with quaking cowardly knees, I fell upon mine and prayed: "Dear Lord, I am +Thine, I will be good! Only take not from me the joy of living here in the +green valleys of this present world!" Was such a prayer more selfish than +the sobbing petitions of the penitents there about the church-rail, asking +for heavenly peace? I have peace already, the ancient peace of the forests +as sweet as the breath of God. I ask for no more. + +You see, dear "Spirit of gloom," that I have sent you all my little +scriptures in return for your "malignant mutterings." My God is a pastoral +Divinity, while yours is a terrible Mystery, hidden behind systems of +philosophy, vanishing before Eastern mysticism into an insensate Nirvana, +revealing ways of escape too awful to contemplate. I could not survive the +thoughts of such a God for my own. I am _His_ heathen. By the way, did you +ever think what an unmanageable estate that is--"And I will give you the +heathen for your inheritance"? + + + + +XIII + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +MY DEAR MISS DOANE: + +What mental blindness led me to give you such a book? What demon of +perversity tempted you to send me such a review of Miss Addams's +Hull-House heresies? You know my abhorrence of our "kind-hearted +materialism" (so you call it), yet you calmly write me a long panegyric on +this last outbreak of humanitarian unrighteousness--unrighteousness, I +say, vaunting materialism, undisciplined feminism, everything that denotes +moral deliquescence. Of course I see the good, even the wise, things that +are in the book, but why didn't you expose the serpent that lurks under +the flowers? + +As a matter of fact, what is good in the book is old, what is bad is new. +Do you suppose that this love of humanity which has practically grown into +the religion of men,--do you suppose that this was not known to the world +before? The necessity of union and social adhesion was seen clearly enough +in the Middle Ages. The notion that morality, in its lower working at +least, is dependent on a man's relation to the community, was the basis of +Aristotle's Ethics, who made of it a catchword with his _politikon zoon_ +(your father will translate it for you as "a political animal"). The +"social compunction" is as ancient as the heart of man. How could we live +peacefully in the world without it? Literature has reflected its existence +in a thousand different ways. Here and there it will be found touched with +that sense of universal pity which we look upon as a peculiar mark of its +present manifestation. In that most perfect of all Latin passages does not +Virgil call his countryman blessed because he is not tortured by beholding +the poverty of the city-- + + neque ille + Aut doluit miserans inopem, aut invidit habenti? + +And is not the _AEneid_ surcharged with pitying love for mankind, "the +sense of tears in mortal things"? So the life and words of St. Francis of +Assisi are full of the breath of brotherly love--not brotherhood with all +men merely, but with the swallows and the coneys, the flowers, and even +the inanimate things of nature. And the letters of St. Catherine of Siena +are aflame with passionate love of suffering men. + +But there is something deplorably new in these more modern books, +something which makes of humanitarianism a cloak for what is most lax and +materialistic in the age. I mean their false emphasis, their neglect of +the individual soul's responsibility to itself, their setting up of human +love in a shrine where hitherto we worshipped the image of God, their +limiting of morality and religion to altruism. I deny flatly that +"Democracy ... affords a rule of living as well as a test of faith," as +Miss Addams says; I deny that "to attain individual morality in an age +demanding social morality, to pride one's self on the results of personal +effort when the time demands social adjustment, is utterly to fail to +apprehend the situation"; I say we do _not_ "know, at last, that we can +only discover truth by rational and democratic interest in life." Why did +you quote these sentences with approval? There is no distinction between +individual and social morality, or, if there is, the order is quite the +other way. All this democratic sympathy and social hysteria is merely the +rumour in the lower rooms of our existence. Still to-day, as always, in +the upper chamber, looking out on the sky, dwells the solitary soul, +concerned with herself and her God. She passes down now and again into the +noise and constant coming and going of the lower rooms to speak a word of +encouragement or admonition, but she returns soon to her own silence and +her own contemplation. (The heart of a St. Anthony in the desert of Egypt, +the heart of many a lonely Hindu sage knows a divine joy of communication +of which Hull House with its human sympathies has no conception.) Morality +is the soul's debt to herself. + +It is a striking and significant fact that these humanitarians are +continually breaking the simplest rules of honesty and decent living. +Rousseau, the father of them all, sending his children (the children of +his body, I mean) to the foundling asylum, is a notorious example of this; +and John Howard is another. I have in my own experience found these people +impossible to live with. + +Let me illustrate this tendency to forget the common laws of personal +integrity by allusion to a novel which comes from another +college-settlement source. It is a story called, I think, _The Burden of +Christopher_, published three or four years ago,--a clever book withal and +rather well written. The plot is simple. A young man, just from his +university, inherits a shoe factory which, being imbued with +college-settlement sentimentalism, he attempts to operate in accordance +with the new religion. Business is dull and he is hard-pressed by +competitive houses. An old lady has placed her little fortune in his +hands to be held in trust for her. To prevent the closing down of his +factory and the consequent distress of his people, he appropriates this +trust money for his business. In the end he fails, the crash comes, and, +as I recollect it, he commits suicide. All well and good; but in a +paragraph toward the end of the book, indeed by the whole trend of the +story, we discover that the humanitarian sympathy which led the hero to +sacrifice his individual integrity for the weal of his work-people is +a higher law in the author's estimation than the old moral sense which +would have made his personal integrity of the first importance to himself +and to the world. + +I submit to you, my dear reviewer, that such notions are subversive of +right thinking and are in fact the poisonous fruit of an era which has +relaxed its hold on any ideal outside of material well-being. For that +reason when I read in Miss Addams's book such words as these, "Evil does +not shock us as it once did," I am filled with anger. I wonder at the +blindness of the age when I read further such a perversion of truth as +this: "We have learned since that time to measure by other standards, and +have ceased to accord to the money-earning capacity exclusive +respect."--Have we? + + + + +XIV + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +MY DEAR MISS DOANE: + +I am troubled lest the letter I wrote yesterday should have seemed to +breathe more of personal bitterness than of philosophic judgment. Did I +make clear that my hostility to modern humanitarianism is not due to any +contempt for charity or for the desire of universal justice? I dislike and +distrust it for its false emphasis and for its perversion of morality--and +the two faults are practically one. + +Last night I was reading in _Piers Plowman_ and came upon a passage which +exactly illustrates what I mean. The old Monk of Malvern might be called +the very fountainhead in English letters of that stream of human +brotherhood which has at last spread out into the stagnant pool of +humanitarianism. He wrote when the rebellion of Wat Tyler and Jack Straw +was fermenting, when the people were beginning to cry out for their +rights, and his vision is instinct with the finest spirit of love for the +downtrodden and the humble. Yet never once does his compassion or +indignation lead him to neglect spiritual things for material. Let me copy +out a few of his lines on "Poverte": + + And alle the wise that evere were, + By aught I kan aspye, + Preiseden poverte for best lif, + If pacience it folwed, + And bothe bettre and blesseder + By many fold than richesse. + For though it be sour to suffre, + Thereafter cometh swete; + As on a walnote withoute + Is a bitter barke, + And after that bitter bark, + Be the shelle aweye, + Is a kernel of comfort + Kynde to restore. + So is after poverte or penaunce + Paciently y-take; + For it maketh a man to have mynde + In God, and a gret wille + To wepe and to wel bidde, + Whereof wexeth mercy, + Of which Christ is a kernelle + To conforte the soule. + +Imagine, if you can, such a speech in the precincts of Hull House! I am +not concerned to exalt poverty, I know how much suffering it creates in +the world; and yet I say that an age to which poverty is only a +degradation without any possible spiritual compensation, is an age of +materialism. I wish I might follow the use of the word _comfort_ from its +early nobility as you see it here down to its modern degeneracy, where it +signifies the mere satisfaction of the body. The history of that word +would be an eloquent sermon. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand +what I mean by the false emphasis of our humanitarianism? And do you see +why I could not stomach your review of Miss Addams's book?--I am sending +by express several novels, among them.... + + + + +XV + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +MY DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +Here in the South we are born into our traditions and we generally die by +them. We never encourage the mental extravagance of adding new dimensions +to our minds. When you have had an hour's conversation with any of us, or +have exchanged three letters, you can be comfortably sure of what we think +on any subject under the sun. Thus, you see, I was wholly unprepared for +the point of view expressed in your last two letters. I thought you were a +gentle disciple,--following the lights behind us indeed; but I did not +suspect that you were bent upon this journey through the dust of centuries +with the temper of a modern savage. + +However, it seems a man must have either ass's ears or a cloven foot; and, +soon or late, most of us expect to find our hero in Bottom's predicament. +But I would rather have acknowledged the beam in my own eye than have +discovered this diabolical split in your heel. All my life I have been +familiar with the inhumanity of the merely spiritually minded. And I think +it was because your own spirit was not denominational, nor fitted to any +dogma of my acquaintance, that I trusted it. But really, the product is +always the same. And I begin to wonder if there is not something +fundamentally cruel in the law that governs soul-life. No matter what the +age or the colour of the doctrine is, those most highly developed in this +way generally show a _conscientious selfishness_ that is dehumanising. +They have no tender sense of touch, their relation to the world about them +is obtuse; and for this reason, I think, they excite aversion in normally +minded people. + +I leave you, my dear sir, to "expose the serpent lurking under the +flowers." For my part, I believe humanitarianism is the better part of any +religion. And while my knowledge of social orders does not reach so far +back into the grave-dust of the past, I am unwilling to agree with you +that it is "coeval with human nature." But it is one of the ends toward +which all religions must tend,--for if a man love not his brother whom he +hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?--But I forget! Love +is not essential to your sort of Nirvana mysticism. In you, spirituality +is a sort of cruel aspiration toward personal perfection. Still, that +little scripture represents the advance made by this modern religion of +Christianity over your Hindu theosophy. + +Do you know I think a man's religious philosophy ought to fit him +particularly for his present environment of earth and flesh. One cannot +tell so much about the life after death. It may be necessary to make us +over in the twinkling of an eye, and even to change the very direction of +all spirit life in us. But here, we know accurately what the needs are; +and any sort of wisdom that fails to provide us with the right way of +dealing with one another is defective. Thus your Buddhism seems to me more +mesmeric than satisfying. It is a way men have of murdering themselves, +while continuing to live, into peace and oblivion. There is a surrender, a +negation of life, a denial of total responsibilities, or human +obligations, which to my mind indicates a monstrous selfishness, none the +less real because its manifestations are passive and dignified by a +philosophic pose. You see I am reading your last two letters by the light +of certain earlier confessions. + +And again I do not think you can fairly complain of humanitarianism +because in some books "it is synonymous with all that is lax and +materialistic in the age." The author of a novel is never so concerned to +tell the truth as he is to exploit and illustrate an interesting theory. +You have no right to expect gospel from literary mountebanks. Nor can you +judge the integrity of it by such disciples as Rousseau, who was merely a +decadent soul fascinated by the contemplation of his own depravity. The +scriptures of such a Solomon, however true in theory, are neither honest +nor effective. But as a final climax of your argument, you declare that in +your "own experience" you have found these humanitarians "impossible to +live with." I do not wonder at that. A question far more to the point is, +Did they find _you_ impossible to live with? Come to think of it, I would +rather live with a humanitarian, myself, even if his soul was carnally +bow-legged. But my sort of charity is so perverse, so awry with humour, +that the constant contemplation of a man trying to wriggle out of the +flesh through some spiritual key-hole, made by his own imagination, into a +form of existence much higher than agreeable, would be, to say the least +of it, diverting. + +You copy several sentences from the Hull-House book in your letter and cry +to me in an accusing voice to know why I quoted them in my review "with +approval." Suppose I did not comprehend their important relation to the +subject from your point of view? But I do understand enough to know that +the "social compunction" in Aristotle's day was a mere theory, a sublime +doctrine practised by a few, whereas now it is a great governing +principle, a dynamic power in the social order of mankind. And I challenge +your accuracy in calling such social sympathy "only a rumour in the lower +rooms of our existence." My notion is that the choir voice of it has +already reached that grand third story of yours, and that the "solitary +soul" in the "upper chamber" will presently find herself along with other +traditions--in the attic! Oh, I know your sort! You stay in your upper +chamber as long as atmospheric conditions make it comfortable. But before +this time I have known you to sneak down into those same "lower rooms" to +warm yourself by humanitarian hearthstones. And that you are not nearly so +immortal as you think you are is proved by these winter chills along the +spine. There come occasions when you get tired of your own stars and long +to feel the thrill of that royal life-blood that leaps like a ruby river +of love through the grimy, toiling, battling humanitarian world beneath +you. Did you once intimate to me that if ever I conjured you out of the +shadows which seem to surround you, I should be horrified at the vision? +Well, I am! + + + + +XVI + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +MY DEAR MISS DOANE: + +So your servant has a cloven hoof and just escapes the adornment of ass's +ears! Dear, dear, what a temper! But, jesting aside, you must not suppose +I abhor the cant of humanitarianism from any thin-blooded selfishness or +outworn apathy. Have I not made this clear to you? It is the negative side +of humanitarianism (the word itself is an offence!), and not its portion +of human love that vexes my soul. + +Through one of the crooked streets not far from Park Row that wind out +from under the grim arches of the Brooklyn Bridge, I often pass on +business. Here on the step at the entrance to a noisome court, where +heaven knows how many families huddle together behind the walls of these +monstrous printing-houses, there sits day after day a child, a little +pale, peaked boy, who seems to belong to no one and to have nothing to +do--sits staring out into the filthy street with silent, wistful eyes. +There is only misery and endurance on his face, with some wan reflection +of strange dreams smothered in his heart. He sits there, waiting and +watching, and no man knows what world-old philosophy comforts his weary +brain. The face haunts me; I see it at times in my working hours; it peers +at me often from the surging night-throngs of upper Broadway; it passes +dimly across my vision before I fall asleep. It has become a symbol to me +of the long agony of human history. Because I know the misery of that face +and the evil that has produced it, because I know that misery has been in +the world from the beginning and shall endure to the end, and because my +heart is sickened at the thought,--that is why I rebel so bitterly against +a doctrine that turns away from all spiritual consolation for some vainly +builded hope of a socialistic paradise on this earth. I have heard one of +these humanitarians avow that he and practically all his friends were +materialists, and such they are even when they will not admit it. Dear +girl, believe me, I have lived over in my mind and suffered in my heart +the long toil and agony which the human race has undergone in its effort +to wrest some assurance of spiritual joy and peace from these clouds of +illusion about us; I have read and felt what the Hindu ascetic has written +of lonely conflict in the wilderness; I have heard the Greek philosophers +reason their way to faith; I have comprehended the ecstasy of the early +Christians; I have taken sides in the high warfare of mediaeval realists +against the cheap victory of nominalism. I know that the word of +deliverance has been spoken by all these and that it is always the same +word. And now come these humanitarians, with their starved imaginations, +who in practice, if not in speech, deny all the spiritual insight of the +race and seek to lower the ideal of mankind to their fools' commonwealth +of comfort in this world. Because I revolt from this false and canting +conception of brotherly love, am I therefore devoted to "conscientious +selfishness"? Ah, I beg you to revise your reading of this book of my +heart, and to remodel your criticism. + +But I am saying not a word of what is most in my thoughts. In two days I +shall set out for a trip to the South which will bring me to Morningtown. +Will you turn away in horror if you see a wretched creature hobbling with +cloven hoof up the scented lane of your village? For sweet charity's sake, +for your own sweeter sake, believe that his heart is full of love however +wrong his mind may be. + +----- + + [1] Much of the routine matter in regard to + reviewing has been omitted from these letters. +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +The Second Part + +which shows how the editor visits Jessica +in the country, and how love +and philosophy sometimes clash. + + + + +XVII + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + +WRITTEN AFTER RETURNING FROM MORNINGTOWN + + +MY DEAR MISS DOANE: + +It is all different and the morning has forgotten to return since I left +you where your village meets the great world. Have you kept God's common +dayspring imprisoned among your garden trees and flowers? What shall I +say? What shall I not say? Only this, that I gave my happiness into your +hands and you have broken it and let it drop to the ground. See what a +shipwreck I have suffered of all my dreams. These long years of solitary +reading and study I have been gathering up in my imagination the passions +and joys and hopes of a thousand dead lovers,--the longing of Menelaus for +Helen, the outcry of Catullus for Lesbia, the worship of Dante for +Beatrice--all these I have made my own, believing that some day my love of +a woman should be rendered fair in her eyes by these borrowed colours; and +now I have failed and lost; and what I would give, you have accounted as +light and insufficient. Is there no speech left to tell you all the truth? +I am a little bewildered, and have not been able to pluck up heart of +courage. Write me some word of familiar consolation; do not quite shut the +door upon me until my eyes grow accustomed to this darkness. All the light +is with you, and the beauty that God has given the world, all the meaning +of human life,--and I turn my back on this and go out into the night +alone. Dear girl, I would not utter a word of reproach. I know that my +love, which seemed to me so good, may be as nothing to you, is indeed not +worthy of you, for you are more than all my dreams--and yet it was all +that I had. I shall learn perhaps to write to you as a mere reviewer of +books;--the irony of it. + + + + +XVIII + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +MY DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +Can you believe it? I was absurdly glad to receive your letter this +morning. Ever since you went away I have felt so brave and desolate--like +a poor dryad who has fought her way out of her own little kingdom of love +and peace and green silence, for the sake of a foreign ideal which really +belongs to the world at large. (I shouldn't wonder if I did become a +deaconess after all!) In my effort to escape a romantic sacrifice to a +strange heathen divinity, I find myself offered upon this common altar in +the name of a theory, Humanitarianism. My smoke arises. I have been +consumed, and now I write you merely in the spirit,--you see I am learning +_your_ incantations. + +But being disembodied, I may at least be truthful. Besides, it is +sometimes wiser to make long-distance confessions than to tell the truth +face to face. Then listen, dear Heart, it was not Philip, but poor Jessica +who was vanquished that day as we walked through the lanes and fields +around Morningtown. I do not know how to tell you, but of a sudden I am +becoming learned in all the joys and griefs of this world. There is a +sweetheart reason for them all, lying buried somewhere. For love is +nature's vocation in us, I think. We cannot escape it. Our vision is +already love-lit when the prince comes. All he needs do is to step within +the radiant circle. Oh, my Heart, is it not terrible when you think of it, +that we may keep our wills, but our hearts we cannot keep! They go from us +happy pilgrims, and return unto us old and grey, sometimes lost and +forsaken. + +You came so fast upon the heels of your other letter that I did not have +time to put on my shield and buckler before you were here in the flesh, +formidable, real, cloven hoof and all! I was frightened and +militant,--frightened lest you should win from me the freedom of my heart, +militant for the freedom of my will. Well, at least I kept the latter, but +I can tell you, it is making a poor bagpipe tune of the victory. When I +went down to you that first evening, it was like going to meet an enemy, +dear and terrible. I was divided between two impulses, both equally savage +1 think, either to stab or to fall upon your breast and weep. But you will +bear me witness that my greeting in reality was conventionally awkward. In +any case, your eyes would have saved me. They are wide and deep, and as +you stood here by the window where I am writing now, with both my hands +clasped in yours, I saw a bright beam leap up far within them like candles +suddenly lighted in an open grave. You had not come merely to make peace +with me, you had my capitulation ready, but I knew then I should never +sign. Let the dead bury their dead; as for me, I am too much alive to die +long and amicably with any ghost of a philosopher in the "upper chamber." +I do not even belong in the "lower rooms," but outside under the skies of +our ever green world. I have already determined that if there is nothing +going on in heaven when I am translated thither, I will ask to be changed +into a wreath of golden butterflies with permission to follow spring round +and round the earth. + +And that brings me to another part of my confession. You are aware that I +do not really know _you_, only your mind. The time I saw you in New York +does not count. For upon that occasion we only ran an editorial handicap +just to try each other's intellectual paces, did we not? But when you +ventured boldly down here upon my own heath--oh! that was a different +matter. I meant to be as brave as a Douglas in his hall. You should not +ride across my drawbridge and away again till I knew _you_. Well, you know +the dull usual way of discovering what and who a stranger is, by asking +his opinions or by classifying his face and expression according to +biological records. Now, a man's features are only his great-grand +somebody's modified or intensified, and his opinions, as in your case, may +not represent him but his mental fallacies. So I invented a test of my +own. I tried a man by a jury of my trees, not your peers exactly, but +friends of mine who have become to me strong standards of excellence and +virtue and repose in human nature. Dear Enemy, I coaxed you into my little +heart-shaped forest, which you remember lies like a big lover's wreath on +the Morningtown road beyond my father's church. And behold! it was as if +we had come home together. We touched hands with the green boughs in +friendly greeting. There was nothing to be said, no place now for a +difference between us. For the rights and wrongs of the world did not +reach beyond the shady rim of the silence there. Goodness and fidelity was +the ground we trod upon, and we were native to it. Yet it was the first +time I ever entered a little into sympathy with the exalted cruelty of +your spiritual nature. For in the forest, ever present, is the intimation +of Nature's indifference to pain. There is no charity in a commonwealth of +trees. They live, decay, and die, and there is no sign of compassion +anywhere. It is terrible, but there is a Spartan beauty in the fact. + +But suddenly, as we sat there in the sweet green twilight, the thought +pierced me like a pang that after all you are more nearly related to the +life of the forest than I am. I merely love it, but you are like it in the +cold, ruthless, upward aspiration of your soul. I long for a word with the +trees, but you are so near and kin that your silence is speech. And then I +asked myself this question: "What is the good, where is the wisdom in +loving a tree man, who may shelter you, but never can be like you in life +or love?" Always his arms are stretched upward to the heavens in a prayer +to be nearer to the light. He is a sort of divine savage who cannot +remember the earth heart that may love and die beneath him like the leaves +upon the ground. Thus we came out of the wood, you who are made so that +you can never really understand what you have lost, and I, with all my +will in my wings, and stronger for the loss of my heart. Some day, +perhaps, if I keep the wings, it will return, a little withered, but sound +as a brownie's. Then, dear man of the trees, I shall bury it here in the +forest like a precious seed. Who knows what it may come to be, my poor +heart that was dead and shall live again,--a tall lady-tree as heartless +as any man-oak, or only a poor vine! + + + + +XIX + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +MY DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +Imagine if you can the moral perversity of a young woman who never regrets +a witty deception or a graceful subterfuge, but repents sometimes in +sackcloth and ashes for her truth-telling. I'd give half my forest now to +have back the letter I sent you yesterday. But since I cannot recall it, I +wish you to bear in mind that what was true of a woman's heart yesterday, +to-day may be only a little breach of sentiment with which to reproach her +prudence. We are never lastingly true. The best you can expect is that we +be generally true to the mood we are in. + +When you were here, I could not beguile you into a discussion of the +subject upon which we differ so widely. Pardon the malicious reference, +but it seemed to me that you had closed the door of your "upper chamber" +and hastened down here to confess your own reality. And no challenge, +however ingenious, could provoke you into displaying the cloven hoof of +your "higher nature." When my father, for instance, who has long suspected +the soundness of your doctrines, laid down one of his lurid hell-fire +premises as an active reason for seeking salvation, I observed that you +showed the agility of a spiritual acrobat in avoiding the conflict. + +Nevertheless, I return to the point of divergence between us. You are +angry with the humanitarians for their materialism. But you forget who the +Hull-House classes are,--people so poor and starved and cold that their +very souls have perished. You cannot teach your little goblin-faced boy +who sits under the bridge the philosophy of the Hindu ascetic until you +have fed and vitalised him, and stretched his poor withered imagination +across the fair fields of youth's summer years. Believe me, the +humanitarian's calling seems stupid from your point of view because you +are born five hundred years before your time. When the Hull-House +principles have abolished the poor and the rich, and have transplanted the +whole human race far and wide over the hills and valleys of this earth, +then will be time enough for the spiritual luxury of such teachings as +yours. + +The last batch of books has come, Creelman's novel, _Eagle Blood_, among +them. Evidently it is a story written to prove the intellectual and +commercial ascendency of Americans over mere Anglo-Saxons. The heroine and +a few romantic details are thrown in as a bait to the "average reader." +Alas for the "average reader"! How many crimes of this sort are committed +in his name! We can never hope to have a worthy literature until he has +been eliminated from the consciousness of those who make it. In the days +when he was not to be reckoned with, and men wrote for a very few +appreciative admirers and some desperately cruel critics, then Carlyle +began to swear at his "forty-million fool," and so attracted their +attention, and ever since we have had them with us, forty-million average +readers, calling for excitement and amusement. It is this same +"forty-million fool" who has made historical romances an inexhaustible +source of revenue to the writers of them. For he is naive, and has never +suspected the real dime-novel character of such fiction. Can you not get +some one to write an article outlining a plan by which the "average +reader" may be abolished? + + + + +XX + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +DEAR JESSICA: + +I will not for any consideration of custom put such a breach between my +dreams and reality as to go on addressing you in the old formal way. It +will be idle to protest; I have bought the privilege with a great price; +nay, I have even bought you, and no outcry of your rebel will shall ever +redeem you from this bondage to my hopes. One thing I know: there is no +power in all the world equal to love, and he who has this power may win +through every opposition. And was ever a man in such a position as mine? +Others have been compelled to overcome a prejudice against what was base +or unworthy in themselves, but I am forced to defend myself for my best +heritage of understanding. Would it help me in your esteem if I flung away +all my hard-won philosophy and ranged myself with the sentimentalists of +the day? I will not believe it. I will fight this upstart folly while +breath is in me, and I will teach you to fight it with me. This morning I +took that poor book of Miss Addams's and, in place of what you sent me, +wrote such a review as will quite astound the "forty-million fool" you so +despise--we agree there, at least. And all the while I was writing, I kept +saying to myself, How will Jessica answer that? and, Will not Jessica +believe now that my hatred of humanitarianism does not spring from +selfishness or contempt, but from sympathy for mankind? + +Yet if anything could bring me to hate my brothers it would be this +monstrous certainty that my feeling towards them stands in the way of the +one supreme, all consuming desire of my heart. I could cry out in the +words of the _Imitation_: + +"As often as I have gone among men, I have returned less a man"; for their +foolish chatter has stolen from me the possession without which we are +dwarfed and marred in our being. Your love is more to me than all the +hopes of men. You must hearken to me. I have charged the winds with my +passion; the scent of flowers shall tell you the sweetness of love; you +shall not walk among your beloved trees but their whispering shall repeat +the words they heard me speak. I will wrap you about with fancies and +dreams and passionate thoughts till no way of escape is left you. You +shall not read a book but some word of mine shall come between your eyes +and the printed page. You shall not hear a simple song but you shall +remember that music is the voice of love. You think that I have no heart +for the many and can therefore have no heart for one. Dear girl, my love +is so great that it has made me stronger a thousand times than you; there +is no escape for you. + +As I passed the little goblin boy this morning I dropped a coin in his +hand and said: "It is from a lady in Georgia who loves you." His face +lighted up with surprise at the words (not at the money, for I have given +him that before), and I was glad to extend the benediction of your +sweetness a little further in the world. Believe me, I am not so foolish +as to despise charity or true efforts to increase the comfort of the poor; +but I know that poverty and pain and wretchedness can never be driven from +the world by any besom of the law, and I do see that humanitarianism, +sprung as it is from materialism and sentimentalism (what a demonic crew +of _isms_!) has bartered away the one valid consolation of mankind for an +impossible hope that begets only discontent and mutual hatred among men. +They are the followers of Simon Magus, these humanitarians; they would buy +the gifts of Heaven with a price; and their creed is the real Simonism. +Have you ever read the _Imitation_, and do you remember these verses? + + For though I alone possessed all the comforts of the world and might + enjoy all the delights thereof, yet it is certain that they could + endure but a little. + + Wherefore, O my soul, thou canst not be fully comforted, nor be + perfectly refreshed, save in God, the comforter of the poor and the + helper of the humble. + + Let temporal things be for use, but set thy desire on the eternal. + + Man draweth nearer to God so as he departeth further from all earthly + comfort. + +You have taught me to love, dear Heart; and now, as you see, you are +teaching me to be orthodox. Do not think I shall give you up; there is +only one power greater than my desire, and that is Death. I would not end +with so ill-omened a word, but rather with your own sweet name, Jessica. + + + + +XXI + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +DEAR FATHER CONFESSOR: + +You observe, I do not retaliate by addressing you as Dear Philip. After +reflecting, I conclude that this would be an undue concession to make, +while the above title removes you to a safer sphere. It limits and +qualifies your relationship and at the same time affords me the happy +advantage of confessing my heart to you. Really, I have always felt the +need of such an officer in my spiritual kingdom. I could never reconcile +myself to the incongruity of confessing in our experience meetings. It +seemed to me that sharing my confidence with so many people was heterodox +to nature itself. For this reason I have always thought that while +Protestantism is based upon a nobler theory of the truth, Roman +Catholicism is founded upon a much shrewder knowledge of human nature. + +However, I do not come seeking absolution for any sins. Such shortcomings +as I have are so personal, so really a part of dear me, that I should +scarcely be complete without them. They are vixenish plagues of character +that distinguish me from more conventional saints. But now that I have +willed myself away from you, I need no longer conceal my heart. My love +has been shriven, and, like a little white ghost out of heaven, must hark +back to you occasionally for a blessing. + +To begin with, then, when your letter came this morning, I took just a +peep inside to see if it was good, and then hurried away to our forest to +enjoy it, for I always feel more at home with you there. And although the +season is so far advanced that the whole earth is chilled and desolate, my +heart was like the springtide, swelling with gladness. Joy reached to my +vagabond heels, and I had much ado to maintain the resignation gait of a +minister's daughter through the village streets. And once out of sight I +kissed my hand quickly over my shoulder till my face burned. For had you +not promised to attend me? "I will wrap you about with fancies and +dreams," you said. I was like a young-lady comet drawing after me a +luminous trail of love. I began to comprehend the advantages of my +position, to rejoice in my sacrifice. I caught the finer aspiration of +love, like one who lays down his life and finds it again in nobler forms. +Brave, good father, this thing that you have revealed to me is like a +sweet eternity. It neither begins nor ends: only we do that. When our time +comes we are swept into the current of it, happy, predestined atoms, and +afterwards we are lost out of it like the leaves on the trees. But love is +like the wind in their branches; it never is gone. So it seems to me now +when all my heart's leaves are stirred to gladness by the dear gale of +love. + +But do not despise me, O sage in the upper chamber, for my selfishness. I +keep far to the windward of you because I was made for love, not for +sacrifice. The altar of your soul life is very fine, very beautiful, but I +am too much alive to be offered up on such a table. Suppose I trusted you, +gave myself with my heart, and in after years you should fall upon the +idea of expurgating all sensations, all heresies, all affections from your +life as the Brahmins do, what then would become of poor Jessica? I should +sit upon your altar like a withered fairy, casting dust over my unhallowed +head and calling down elfish curses upon you. Ah me! when I come upon a +splendid man-statue that suddenly glows into living heart and flesh, I may +wonder and love, but I should never trust myself in the arms of that +phenomenon, lest, being clasped there, he should as suddenly turn back to +his native stone and freeze the life in me! + +Have you noticed that I tell you nothing of the village doings here, the +little church sociables and a thousand commonplace details that go to make +up the sum of existence amid such surroundings? It is because I do not +really live among them. My mind is alien to these narrow margins of +society and religion. But it is always of the little forest that I tell +you, as if that were my real home, as indeed it is. And it is the dearer +to me now that we have walked through it together. So in each letter you +may expect a report of how things go there. This morning, as I looked +about at the sober ground covered thick with dying leaves, I thought of +what a gallant display of autumnal colors we had on that morning. Our +little friends of the summer time are flitting here and there through the +naked branches in silent confusion. There are no green boughs behind which +to conceal their orchestral moods. Besides, their inspiration is gone, +their singing hearts are benumbed by the cold. But for your letter thrust +somewhere I could not have escaped the ghost of sadness that seemed to +haunt the earth and sky. Suddenly, as I stood in the midst of it all, a +cardinal flashed like a red spark into a tall pine, fluffed out his +breast, and swept the forest with a defiant note of melody. It was a +challenge to the long winter time, a prophecy of spring and of high green +trees, and of a mate cloistered now far away in the wilderness: "You shall +not hear a simple song, but you shall remember that music is the voice of +love," whispered the letter against my heart. What a brave thing is life +when we have love and the hope of spring latent within us! I admit, as I +listened to the little red troubadour of the pine, that, had you been as +near as the dreams and fancies that wrapped me about, this fight in me for +freedom would have been at an end. Do not trust these feeble moods of +mine, however; not one of them would last half the length of time you +would need to make the journey from New York to Morningtown! + +So! you have written such a review of Miss Addams's book as will astonish +the "average reader," and all the while you wondered: "How will Jessica +answer that?" Abridged, this is her opinion: That an editor should be +careful how he kicks his heels at the spirit of his age. The world has an +ancient and effective way of dealing with such heroes. + +No, I am not familiar with the _Imitation_. But I gather from the passages +you quote that it is a spiritual exercise prepared for those who "possess +all the comforts of this life," and are weary enough of them to pass on to +the philosophy of renunciation. But you should remember that the +Hull-House classes have not had the necessary experience with comforts. +Renunciation is impossible for them, for they have nothing to give up. + +My love to the little goblin boy. + + + + +XXII + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +MY DEAR JESSICA: + +Did ever "Father Confessor" have so sweet and so wilful a sinner to +shrive! Your only sin is that you love me, and do you think I shall grant +absolution for that? As I read your letter with its wayward confession, it +seemed to me indeed that I was in some temple of the gods instead of this +book-littered den, and the rumble of the street was transfigured into the +sound of triumphant music. And all the while the voice of the little +penitent, hidden from my eyes, but almost within reach of my breath, +murmured in my ears: "I love you, I love you, and that is my sin." Dear +girl, when you have given me your heart, do you suppose I shall be slow to +confiscate your will? It is not lawful that a man's, or a woman's, heart +and will should be at enmity with each other. I know that your will is +strong, but I know, too, that your heart is stronger. Why did you turn me +away without one word of hope or consolation when I visited you in +Morningtown? Out of the great store of happiness that God has given you, +could you not spare one little morsel? Ah, I would not offer you up a +sacrifice on the altar of any spiritual creed, but take you with me into +that upper chamber that looks toward the golden sunrise. I would share +your happiness and give you in return a portion in the hope that I too +have found. With you at my side I could walk through the world, (for I am +not such a recluse as you might suppose,) knowing that the desire of all +men's hearts had fallen to me, and that my life was consecrated henceforth +to noble uses. And yet to-day I am very sad. + +Let me tell you a little story of the way your admired Simonians act when +their general promulgations of brotherhood are brought to an individual +test. Our proprietor and manager, a smooth-faced, meek-eyed Jew, who has +made himself right with this world, at least, is much concerned with +charities and civic meetings and reform clubs and progress societies and +the preaching of universal democracy, and all that,--a veritable Pharisee +among the humanitarians. He often asks me to give a good word to some +Simoniacal book. Well, I have a poor broken-down Irishman named O'Meara, +who reviews a certain class of publications for me. He is the kind of man +you would never expect to meet in this country: a relic of +eighteenth-century Grub Street,--a man who reads Latin and Greek, who can +quote pages of the Fathers, who has a high ideal of literature and +conscience in writing, and withal a victim to the demon whiskey that has +dragged him down to the very gutter. His life has been a mystery to me, +and some feeling of shame has kept him from ever telling me where and how +he lives. At intervals he comes shuffling into my office, with bleared +eyes and palsied hand, and for charity's sake I give him a book to +review--and not exactly for charity either, for he does his work well. Two +or three weeks ago our Simoniacal manager came into my office and asked me +who that tramp was whom he had seen several times go away with books. I +told him the whole story, thinking to arouse his sympathy. What was my +surprise when he broke out into a mild stream of abuse--the more startling +because he ordinarily says so little--against allowing such besotted +tramps to come into the offices! When a man drank himself into such a +state as that there was no doing anything with him, etc. O'Meara came back +in a day or two with his "copy," and I told him that the chief had ordered +me to cut him off. Poor wretch! he said never a word for himself, but +turned and shambled guiltily out of the room--I shall never forget the +sound of his trailing, despondent feet. + +I heard no more from him until yesterday, when the office boy came in and +told me a beggar child insisted on seeing me. What was my astonishment +when it proved to be our goblin boy, who had been sent to ask me to come +to his father; and his father was O'Meara! It all seemed as unsubstantial +as a dream. I went with the child, of course. He guided me through the +dark entry where I had seen him so often, in behind a great printing +house, to a foul court hidden away from the street like some criminal +outlaw. I will not try to describe the noisomeness of that reeking hole. I +found O'Meara lying on a heap of sacks in a mouldering closet which was +entirely dark save for what little light came through the doorway. +Darkness, indeed, was his only comfort. He would not shake hands with me, +for he has, withal, the instincts of a gentleman, and it seemed as if the +shame of his whole degraded life lay with him before me in his misery. His +tragedy will have been played out in a day or two, I think; and I wish the +memory of it might also pass from my mind. What shall I do with the goblin +boy? The hatefulness of it all stands between me and my thoughts of you. I +cannot harden myself yet for a while to dream of pure beauty. I read your +letter over and over, but its sweet medicament cannot purge my breast. Not +even the acknowledgment of your love can drown these sighs I have heard. + + + + +XXIII + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +MY DEAR MR. PHILIP TOWERS: + +You lack the proper ethical pose of a Father Confessor. I have +excommunicated you. The charge against you is that you take an audacious +advantage of the confessional, not to bless me, but to rejoice in my +romantic vagrancy. For a man giving himself airs in the "upper chamber," +you have very human ways, and I begin to suspect you only keep your creed +and philosophy up there. + +But you are greatly mistaken if you think you can ever wheedle me into +such a sunrise attic. I can be domesticated, but not etherealised. And you +hold strange doctrines for an ascetic. You think that because I love it +will be easy to "confiscate" my will. Even _I_ know better than that. We +live to conquer our hearts. There is no freedom of mind and spirit till +that decisive battle has been fought and won. My heart is a gay vagabond, +ready to dance before the door of your tent, but my will is better +disciplined. It weighs and counts the costs and rejects this sentimental +bargain, because, O Stranger to my soul, I doubt if you can pay the +interest love demands upon so large an investment. There is not enough of +you; and your capital consists in something less vital,--in wind-cooled +philosophies, and the passions of an occult spirit ever ready to escape +into mysticism. Why will you not be content with a companionship on this +basis? You keep your wings and you wish mine also. Well, you shall not +have them! I have no disposition to simulate the example of those small +insects who come out in early spring with splendid wings, make one flight +far enough through the sunlight to lose them, and crawl all the remainder +of their days in the domestic dust of their little tenements. + +Besides, does not the science of biology teach that romantic love, in the +very nature of things, is transient?--a little heathen angel that we +entertain unawares, who comes and goes at will? I cannot tell you what +satisfaction and what distress that theory has caused me of late. I would +have my own heart free, but I am willing to move my little heaven and +earth to prolong your bondage. Selfish?--I know, but consider upon what +loneliness and terror such selfishness is based. A man is always +sufficient unto himself, particularly if he can abstract and divert +himself into a line of thought as you are able to do, but a woman without +a lover is a pathetic thing. There is no real reason for her existence; +all her little miracles of expression and posing are for naught. She is a +sort of prima donna lost out of the play. There is no one to give her the +happy cue to the whole meaning of life. Oh, my Love! I _cannot_ live +without a lover. Do not bereave me! I should shrivel up, I am sure,--grow +old and sour and sad. I might even become a deaconess with Hull-House +propensities. I am a naive beggar, you see; I ask all you have, and admit +that I am unwilling to give in return what I myself have. + +Your account of O'Meara interests me. But what right have you to slip out +of your stern character as a merely spiritual man, and assume the guise of +a good Samaritan? Really it is not fair; your tender compassion is +illogical, and, however benign, I cannot accept it as evidence in your +favour. But your account of the poor man's distress touched my heart. And +you ask me what ought to be done with the little goblin boy. Dear Philip, +could _we_ not adopt him? Think how many years then, we should have to +correspond in and to dispute with each other about his upbringing! I would +make the jackets and you should furnish the ethics for him. You should +provide a home for him, and I would give a little of the warmth that any +woman's tenderness imparts to any child. I will begin at once with a +maternal dictation,--he must be sent into the country. For children are +like lambs, I think; they also need to grow up in a green field, and to +gambol there. He must have no cares, no obligations--just be encouraged to +let go all the good and evil there is in him. When he has expanded to his +natural size morally and physically, we can tell better what to do with +him. Are you laughing at me, or are you scandalised at such a proposition? +Then why did you ask my advice? When a child is without parents, is it not +better to provide him with a pair of them, even if one is a wizard who +knows how to metamorphose himself into many different personalities, such +as sage, mystic, lover, good Samaritan, and I know not how many more? + + + + +XXIV + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +[THIS LETTER WAS WRITTEN BEFORE THE PRECEDING LETTER OF JESSICA'S, BUT WAS +NOT RECEIVED UNTIL LATER.] + +DEAR JESSICA: + +I often wonder whether I have made it quite clear to you why it is +possible to hold in high esteem personally the workers of Hull House and +these other philanthropists, while detesting their views as formulated +into a dogma. Just after I had sent off my last letter to you I met with +something in a morning paper which will throw light on my position. In an +address before Princeton Theological Seminary Dr. Lyman Abbott is reported +to have used these words: + + "To follow Christ is, first of all, to give yourself to the service + of God by serving your fellow-men. This is more important than the + question of the Trinity, of the atonement, or of creeds." + +Now the question of the Trinity or of the atonement may not seem essential +to me. My faith has passed out of them--beyond them, I trust; and at least +I do not call myself a Christian. But remember that Dr. Abbott is a +teacher of Christianity and was on this occasion addressing students of +theology. Certainly to him and to his audience these are, they must be, +the first of all matters in the realm of ideas, whether accepted or +rejected, and to speak slightingly of them is to show contempt for +everything that transcends the material world. I know that Dr. Abbott, +like some others, makes this service of our fellow-men to be a form of the +service of God; but the slightest knowledge of the spirit of the day, +indeed any intelligent reading of the words I have quoted, makes plain how +entirely this "service of God" is a tag, a meaningless concession to an +older form of speech. What seriously concerns our humanitarians is the +service of mankind. Now am I not justified in saying that true religion +would at least change the order of ideas and declare that to serve mankind +is, first of all, to give one's self to the service of God? This is not a +quibbling of words, but a radical distinction. It is because I find in all +so-called humanitarians this tendency to place humanity before God, +material needs before ideals, that I call them, when all is said, the most +insidious foes of true religion. Their very virtues make them more +dangerous than outspoken materialists and scoffers. It is largely due to +them and their creed that we have no art and no literature; for art and +literature depend, at the last analysis, on a reaching out after ideas, on +an attempt to transmute material things into spiritual values,--on faith, +in a word. The humanitarians cry out against the materialism and the +commercial spirit of the age. They do not perceive that the only remedy +against this degeneracy is the renewal of faith in something greater and +higher than our material needs. Let them preach for a while the blessings +of poverty and other-worldliness. The attempt to instil benevolence or +so-called human justice into society as the chief message of religion is +merely to play into the hands of the enemy. Do you see why I call them the +real followers of Simon Magus, who sought to buy the gift of God with a +price? "Thou hast neither part nor lot in this matter; for thy heart is +not right in the sight of God." + +Consider how impossible it would have been in any age of genuine or real +creativeness for a leading preacher of Christianity to have pronounced Dr. +Abbott's words, and you will see how far humanitarianism has fallen from +faith in the spirit. I know that passages maybe quoted from the Bible +which might seem to make Christ himself responsible for this new Simony; +but Satan, too, may quote Scripture. Surely the whole tenor of Christ's +teaching is the strongest rebuke to this lowering of the spirit's demands. +He spent his life to bring men into communion with God, not to modify +their worldly surroundings. Indeed, the world was to him a place of misery +and iniquity, doomed to speedy destruction. He sought to save a remnant +from the wrath of judgment as a brand is plucked from the fire, and he +separated his disciples utterly from acquiescence in the comforts of this +earth; they were to be in the world but not of it: "Render unto Caesar the +things which are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's." He +taught poverty and not material progress. Those he praised were the poor +and the meek and the unresisting and the persecuted--those who were cut +off from the hopes of the world. + +And now, dear girl, do you ask me to apply my preaching to my own case? Of +a truth I have faith. I think it my true service to men that I should +learn to love you greatly; and out of that love shall flow charity and +justice and righteousness toward the world. Let it be my meed of service +that men shall see the beauty of my homage. + + + + +XXV + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +DEAR JESSICA: + +The end has come even sooner than I looked for it. This afternoon, little +Jack, our goblin boy, came to my office and I followed him back to the +dismal court where his father lay expecting me. I had arranged that the +poor wretch should be carried into a room where at least there was a bed +and where a ray of clean sunshine might greet his soul when departing on +the long journey; and there I found him lying perfectly quiet save for the +twitching of his hands outstretched on the counterpane. I thought a +glimmer of content lightened his dull eyes as I sat down beside him. I +talked with him a little, but he seemed scarcely to heed my words. Then +turning his head towards me he plucked from under his pillow an old +thumb-worn copy of _Virgil_ (so bedraggled and spotted that no second-hand +book-seller would have looked at it) and thrust it out to me, intimating +by a gesture that he would have me read to him. I asked him where I should +begin, and he held up two fingers as if to indicate the second book of the +_AEneid_; and there I began with the fall of Troy-town. + +He listened with apparent apathy, though I know not what echoes the +sonorous lines awakened in his mind, until I came to the words: + + Venit summa dies et ineluctabile tempus. + +I saw his hands clench together feebly here, and then there was no more +motion. Presently I looked into his face, and I knew that no sound of my +voice, nor any sound of the world, could ever reach him again; for the +story of his unspeakable sorrow, like the ruin of Troy, had been told to +the end. He had spoken not a single word; he had carried the silence of +his soul into the infinite silences of death. The secret of his life had +passed with him. I shall probably never know what early dreams and +ambitions had faded into this squalid despair. And his pitiful wan-faced +boy--who was the child's mother? I am glad I do not know; I am only glad I +can tell him of your love. I shall see that the father is buried decently +with a wooden slab to distinguish his grave from the innumerable dead who +rest in the earth. Might we not print above his body the last words of the +poem he seems to have loved so much: _Fugit indignata sub umbras_! For I +think it was the indignity of shame in the end that killed him. Is he not +now all that Caesar and Virgil are? Shall he not sleep as peacefully in his +pauper's bed as the great General Grant in that mausoleum raised by the +river's side?--Commonplace thoughts that came to me as I sat for a while +musing in the presence of death; but is not death the inevitable +commonplace that shall put to rout all our originality in the end? + +And all the while our Jack was sitting perfectly motionless by the window, +looking out into the court--into the blue sky, I think. I picked up one of +his thin hands and said to him: "Little Jack, your father has gone away +from us and is at rest. There is a beautiful lady in the South who loves +you as she loves me; will not her love make you happy?" He did not appear +to understand me, but shrank into himself as if afraid. Indeed, sweet +benefactress, I shall send him into the country somewhere as you bid me, +and I shall see that your love brings him greater happiness than it has +brought me, for with him you shall not withdraw with one hand what you +have held out in the other. + +I went away, leaving an old woman to care for the dead man and his child. +It will be long before I forget how alien and far-away the noises of the +street sounded as I passed out of that chamber of silence. Is it not a +strange thing that death should have this power of benediction? Of a +sudden a breath comes out of the heavens, our little cares are touched by +an eternal presence, a rift is blown in the thick mists that hem us about, +and behold, we look out into infinite visionless space. And now I am back +in my office. I open O'Meara's worn and much-stained _Virgil_, and inside +the cover I find these words scribbled in pencil: "_I have cried unto God +and He hath not heard my cry; but thou, O beloved poet, art ever near with +consolation_!" I do not know whether the sentence is original with O'Meara +or a quotation; it is certainly new to me. One other book I brought with +me, and the two were the whole worldly possession of the dead man. This is +a small but pretty thick blank-book, written over almost to the last page. +I have not examined the contents carefully, but I can see that they are +made up of miscellaneous passages copied from books and of reflections on +a great variety of topics, with few or no records of events. One of the +last entries is from Clarence Mangan's heart-breaking poem, _The Nameless +One_: + + And tell how now, amid wreck and sorrow, + And want, and sickness, and houseless nights, + He bides in calmness the silent morrow + That no ray lights. + + Him grant a grave to, ye pitying noble, + Deep in your bosoms: there let him dwell! + He, too, had tears for all souls in trouble + Here, and in hell. + +And is it not a touch of Fate's irony that I should be sending this +threnody of death to one who might expect to receive from me only messages +and pleadings of love? Death and love are the very antipodes of our +existence, one would say. And yet I do not know; I feel nothing +incongruous in linking the twain together. Love, too, breaks open the +barriers of our poor personality that the breath of the infinite may blow +in upon us. I cannot say how it is with others, but so it is with me: love +lays a hand upon me, and instantly the discords of the world are hushed in +my ears, the little desires and fears that trouble me are shamed into +silence, and I am rapt away into the infinitely great heart that throbs at +the centre of all. It is strange, but life itself seems to pass away in +the presence of this power that is the creator of life. I speak darkly, +but my words have a meaning. And, dear sweetheart, be not afraid that you +shall be left without a lover; that I shall bereave you! Do you think for +an instant that I can cease to love? I cannot understand this war between +your heart and your will; am I very stupid? Surely when I come to you, I +shall bring this contention to an end, and you--it hath not entered into +the heart of man to conceive what you shall give me. Out of the +conclusions of death into the prophecies of love! I am filled with +wondering. + +You shall hear more hereafter of poor Jack, our adopted child. + + + + +XXVI + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +MY DEAR PHILIP: + +See how you shame me! For this long while I have wished to begin my +letters thus, but I waited, hoping you would entreat me to do so. I +expected you to provide an excuse. I thought my own pleasure would wear +the genial air of a concession to your wishes. Indeed, the way you wait +for me to be obliged to do such things of my own accord, fills me with +superstitious anxieties. It is as if you had some unfair foreknowledge of +the natural order of events. You would take things for granted, and thus +produce an hypnotic effect by your convictions so strong as to compel my +conformity. But I console myself with the reflection that all this is +mental. You terrify only my intelligence with your strange sorcery. And +for this reason I shall always escape your bondage, for I am too wise to +concede my familiar territory to such an overbearing foreign power. + +However, I must not forget the prime object I have in writing this letter. +It is to tell you that the little box of childish things, which you must +have received already and wondered at, are _not_ for the literary editor +of _The Gazette_, but for Jack, sent with the hope that they may in some +measure comfort his sad heart. I went so far as to purchase material for +the promised set of jackets, when suddenly I remembered that I was +ignorant of both his age and size. You have never told me that, though you +have given me such a real picture of him that I could almost trust my +imagination to cut those garments to fit him! + +Your account of O'Meara's death affected me deeply. With what sublime +abandon does such a man let go his soul into the mystery of that silence +which we call eternity! + +Is it not strange how the same impressions come to many, but by different +ways! "It will be long before I forget how alien and far-away the noises +of the street sounded as I passed out of that chamber of silence," you +said, and the sentence recalled a somewhat similar experience of my own on +Cumberland Island, where father and I went last summer for a short +vacation. One day, leaving the group of happy bathers to their surf, I +climbed up inland among the sand-hills, that lie along the shore like the +white pillows of fabulous sea-gods. Presently I came upon one of those +great sand-pits that stretch along the Island, deep and wide like mighty +graves. Far below me a whole forest stood in ghostly silence, with every +whitening limb lifted in supplication, as if all had died in a terrified +struggle with the engulfing sands. Unawares, I had happened upon one of +Nature's griefs--and I do not know how to tell you, but the sight of it +aged me. Of a sudden this death of the trees seemed a far-off part of my +own experience. I was swept out of this contesting, energetic world into a +still region where great events come to pass in silence, and inevitably. +And so real was the illusion that, as I turned to hurry back, it seemed to +me that centuries had passed since I saw the same little tuft of flowers +like a group of purple fairies nodding to me from the top of a tall cliff. +And so I stood there confused by the significance of this silence, so +incredible that even the winds could not shake it. I felt so near and kin +to death that I became "alien" to all the living world about me. For the +first time in my life, I lost the _sense_ of God, which is always a kind +of mental protection against the terrors of infinity. There was nothing to +pray to, only the sea on one side and this grave on the other, with a +little trembling life between. + +Thus you will understand that not only have I had a similar experience to +your own upon the occasion of O'Meara's death, but that for once I came +into your region of shades and terrors. I was like one on the point of +dissolution, and almost my soul escaped into your dim habitation. From +your letters I had already learned how near together love and death stood +in your consciousness. Each is an exit through which your spirit is ever +ready to pass. And for the moment, crowded in with skeleton shadows there, +you seemed sensibly near me. I was divided between fear and love. But the +blood of life in me always triumphs,--and then it was that I made my first +flight in consciousness from you. I kissed my hand to the twilight and +ran! I am sure you were there, Philip, a cold-lipped spirit-lover seeking +my mortal life. And, oh my Heart! is it wrong that I would love and be +loved in the flesh? I do not object to spirituality, only it must have a +visible presence and a warm cheek. + +P. S.--But, dear Philip, how am I to reconcile this tender charity to Jack +with your anti-humanitarian views? Is a man's heart so divided from his +philosophy? Or do you intend to make a mystic of that poor child, so that +he may escape the woes of his condition? I am curious to see what you will +do with him. Also, I shall certainly defend him against your Nirvana +doctrines if I suspect you of juggling with his soul. + + + + +XXVII + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +DEAR, TEASING, RARE JESSICA: + +I have so many things to say to you. First of all, why do you blame me for +my "foreknowledge"? You scold me for my hostility to the sentimentalism of +the day, you scold me then for any act of common human sympathy, and now +you take me to task because I foresee how you will address me in a letter. +Dear me, what a horrid little scold it is! I wonder you didn't quote _The +Raven_,-- + + "Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!--prophet still, if bird or + devil!" + +But really no great powers of prophecy were required. Have you forgotten +that in the very letter before this one you called me "Dear Philip"? And +wasn't that a good index of your tempestuous, contradictory sweet self, +that you should have begun your letter "My dear Mr. Philip Towers" and +then thrown in your "Dear Philip" by the way, as if it would not be +observed! Why, my naughty Jessica, when I came to that phrase, I just took +my longest, biggest blue pencil and put a ring about it so that I might +find it at a moment's notice and feast my eyes a thousand thousand times +on its sweet familiarity. Do not suppose that anything ever escapes me in +your letters. I con every little lapse in your spelling until I know it by +heart. And you do make so many slips, you know, in your reviews as well as +in your letters! I never correct them,--that would be a desecration, I +think,--but send up your copy just as it comes to me. Indeed, I find +myself imitating unawares some of your most unaccountable originalities. +Only the other day I was in the reading-room and our head proofreader, a +sour, wizened old man, cried out to me: "I say, Mr. Towers, what is the +matter with your spelling? You write _propotion_[2] for proportion and +_propersition_ for proposition, and get your _r_'s all mixed up +generally!" There was a titter from all the girls in the room. Then said +I: "Thou fool! knowest thou not that Jessica lives in the South, and +treats her _r_'s with royal contempt as she was taught to treat the black +man? And shall I not imitate her in this as in all her high-born +originalities?" Of course I didn't say that aloud, but just thought it to +myself. And really I do wonder sometimes that your excellent father, when +he taught you Latin, should have permitted you to take such liberties with +our good mother tongue. But after all it is only another sign of your +right Southern wilfulness. Do you not take even greater liberties with +poor human souls? + +And you make my prophetic powers a bulwark for your licentious rebellion +and declare that you will always escape my bondage. Shall you, indeed? You +once intimated that I wore ass's ears. I begin to believe it. What a +blind, solemn animal I was when I came to Morningtown to beg for your +love! I was so afraid of you. And as we sat in the circle of your +watching, motionless trees, something of their stiff ways entered into my +heart. I told you of my love so solemnly, and you answered so solemnly. +Fool! Fool! I should have spoken not a single word, but just taken you in +my arms and kissed you once and twice. Don't frown now, it is too late. +There would have been one wild, tempestuous outbreak of indignation, and +then my dryad maiden would have known my "foreknowledge" indeed. Is it too +late to rehearse that curtain-raiser? Dear girl, I would be merry, but I +am not so sure that all is well with my heart. I need you so much now, for +I have entered on a new path and the way is obscure before me. I need you. +Your hand in mine would give me the courage I require. + +Do you remember how you warned me of dangers when I reviewed Miss Addams's +book? You, too, were a prophet. Let me tell you how it all came about. The +other day I wrote up Mme. Adam's _Romance of My Childhood and Youth_ +(Addams and Adam--the name has a fatality for me), and took occasion to +make it the text of a tremendous preachment against our latter-day +Simony,--as well it might be, for Mme. Adam grew up in the thirties and +forties when France was a huge seething caldron in which all these modern +notions were brewing together. And unfortunately we are just beginning now +where France left off a score of years ago. You have already seen the +review, no doubt, and it is superfluous to repeat its argument. But for my +own justification to you I want to quote a few sentences from the book. +You disdained to make any reply to my letter on Lyman Abbott, and I fear +you have grown weary of the whole subject; but certainly you will be +interested in what I am copying out for you now. In one of her chapters, +then, Mme. Adam writes: + + Nature, Science, Humanity, are the three terms of initiation. First + comes nature, which rules everything; then the revelations of nature, + revelations which mean science--that is to say, phenomena made clear + in themselves and observed by man; and lastly, the appropriation of + phenomena for useful social purposes.... There is no error in nature, + no perversity in man; evil comes only from society.... He [Mme. + Adam's father] delighted in proving to me that it was useless for man + to seek beyond nature for unattainable chimeras, for the infinite + which our finite conception was unable to understand, and for the + immaterial, which our materiality can never satisfactorily + explain.... They [these humanitarian socialists] resembled my father. + Their doubts--and they had many!--were of too recent a date to have + dried up their souls; _they no longer believed in a divine Christ; + they still believed in a human one_. They worshipped that mysterious + Science, which replaced for them the supernatural, and which had not + then brought all its brutality to light in crushing man under + machinery. + +Could anything be more illuminating than that? Does it not set forth the +close cousinship of humanitarianism with socialism and the fungous growth +of the two out of the mouldering ruins of faith and the foul reek of a +sensuous philosophy? And do you not see why any surrender to this modern +cult of human comfort means the indefinite postponement of that +fresh-dawning ideal which shall bring life to literature and art and evoke +once more the golden destiny of man? + +Well, this morning the particular Simon Magus who rules _The Gazette_ +walked into my office and, after some preliminary sparring, came out with +a complaint which I knew had been preparing in his brain for some time. It +seems that he had already been deluged with letters about my heretical +attack on Miss Addams, and now a new storm had begun over my further +delinquencies. He kindly told me that my views were a hundred years behind +the age and that they were doing injury to the paper. Against the latter +charge I had no defence, and immediately capitulated. To cut a +disagreeable tale short, I anticipated his purpose and offered to make way +for some man who would better harmonise with the benevolent policy of the +paper. The first of the month comes in four days, and then I shall be +thrown once again on my own resources. The shock, though expected, is a +little disconcerting; for at times a man grows weary and discouraged in +fighting against the perpetual buffeting of the current. But most of all I +am wondering how my independence will affect the hopes that were beginning +to colour my dreams. Dear Jessica, you will not forsake me now; you will +put away your perversity and love me simply and unreservedly? There are +difficulties before me, I know; but I am not afraid if only my heart is at +peace. I am free, and if there is any power in my brain, any skill in my +right hand, I will make such a pother that the world shall hear me. I will +not die till I am heard. And so I ask you to help-me. With your love I +shall be made bold, and no opposition and no repeated reverses shall +trouble me. And in the end your happiness is in my making. + +Indeed, your box of little things for Jack made Olympian merriment in +Newspaper Row, for several men were in my office when I opened it. Jack is +ten years old, small for his age, but quietly precocious. I cannot write +more of him now. Address your next letter not to the office but to----; +and when I open that letter will it bring me joy or grief? Your joy may +cast a ruddy light on my path, but nothing that you can say will shake me +in my firm resolve. No sorrow shall hinder me, but, oh, happy Heart! I, +too, long for happiness. + + + + +XXVIII + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +KIND SIR: + +Which do you think requires the more grace in a woman, to hold out against +a dear enemy or to yield? My own experience teaches me that there is more +facility in resistance. Acting thus I have always felt in accord with +natural instincts, and there is a barbaric sense of security in following +them.... Yet I have only one thing to tell you in reply to your "so many." +Can you guess what it is? Already I think the birds know it. I have so far +departed from my natural order of perversity and self-protection that they +feel it, and twitter together when I pass by. I think they look down upon +me now with high-feathered contempt. Could anything be more mortifying? + +Do not laugh, Philip! You have behaved little better than a robber in this +matter. I have lost to you, but the game was not fair; dear mendicant, you +played with a card up your sleeve! All my life I have planned to outwit +predestination. I have ignored Sabbath-day doctrines and faith-binding +dogmas to this end. I could even have held out indefinitely against your +"foreknowledge," but when you come, heralded by an unexpected misfortune, +asking "peace" of me that you may meet your own difficulties with a +steadier courage, I find you invincible. It is as if you had suddenly +slipped through the door of my heart and left will, betrayed, on guard +outside. I have no defence in my nature against your plea. The diplomacy +of your need takes me unawares, and, no matter how I fear the future, now +I am bound to add myself to you in love and hope. The prospect is terrible +and sweet. Already it has made me a stranger in my father's house, a +foreigner among the trees, and a wakeful, frightened mystery to myself. I +am full of tears and secresy. I am no longer Jessica, the wind-souled +dryad of the forest, but merely a woman in definition, facing a new world +of pain and joy. Oh, my beloved! you have taken all that I have, all that +I am! Henceforth I shall be only a part of you,--a little hyperbole of +domesticity always following after, or advancing to meet you.... Dear gods +of the world, defend me from such a fate! ... After all, I cannot admit +the "one thing." I cannot submit to this annihilation, this absorption of +character and personality. If you take me, you do so at your own risk, I +will not promise "peace," but confusion rather. But if you get me, you +must take me. Yet, if you come to Morningtown after me, I will deny my +love, not out of perversity, but out of fear. The sight of you is a signal +for me to take refuge upon my tallest bough. And I can no more come down +to you than a young lady robin could fly into your pocket. It is all very +well for you to exhort me to love you "simply and unreservedly,"--I do. +Nothing could be simpler, more elemental, than my love is; and do I +reserve a single thought of it from you? But I am not conventional enough +in heart or training to surrender. My genius for you does not extend so +far. To lose myself does not seem to me wise or logical, however +scriptural or legal the practice is. The truth is, I cannot agree to be +taken, any more than the little petticoated planet above your head can +kick off her diadem of light. I do not know what you will do about it, +because it is not my business to know these things. All I am sure of is +that I love you, and that I belong to you if only you can get my +extradition papers from Nature herself. + +Meanwhile I have ventured to prepare my father's mind for a new idea. As +we sat before the library fire this evening, each employed according to +his calling, he with Fletcher's _Appeal_ and I with my sewing, I asked the +usual introductory question to our conversations. And it is always the +signal for him to raise his shield of orthodoxy; for it has long been my +habit to creep around the corner of my private opinion and tease him with +what he is pleased to term "the most blasphemous speculations." Therefore +when I said, "Father, I wish to ask you a question," he looked up with the +guarded eye of a man who expects an assault from an unscrupulous +antagonist. + +"Well, my daughter, ask." + +"Which would you advise me to marry, father, a humanitarian whose highest +law is the material welfare of his kind, or an ascetic whose spirituality +is something more and something less than scriptural?" + +"Neither, Jessica; if you must marry, choose a man who believes in the +divinity of Christ and lives somewhere within the limits of the Ten +Commandments!"--Heavens! think of bondage with a man who is bounded upon +the north, east, south, and west of his soul by laws enacted to discipline +the Israelites in the Wilderness! In that case, I should insist upon a +bridal trip to Canaan, with the hope of reaching the Promised Land as a +widow. + +And this reminds me to ask you what manner of man you are yourself. Do you +reflect that we have seen each other only twice? and both times you were +on guard, once as an editor, and once as a lover. Even your face has faded +to a mere shadow, and, if you persist in your petulant obstinacy about the +picture[3], is like to vanish clean away into nothing. Only your +encompassing eyes peer at me with solemn expostulation out of the +shimmering form I conjure up and call my lover. Is it quite fair, Philip? +And as for your character, my hope is that, in spite of your mental pose +as a sage, you have an unreasonable disposition, a chaotic temper. A long +term of years with a serene, gentle-spirited man would be unbearable to +me. Rather than prolong the futility of existence with one I could not +provoke, even enrage, I should commit suicide. My own disposition is so +equally divided between perversity and repentance that I could not endure +the placidity, the ennui, of a level turnpike existence. + +And now isn't it an evidence of your high-minded heartlessness, that in +the same letter where you sue for love you also introduce a philosophical +discussion and show even more heat in maintaining it than you do in your +amorous petition? Why I cannot take warning and fly to the ends of my +earth away from you now while there is yet time, is a mystery to me! + +And so you expect to make such a pother in your opposition to the spirit +of the times that all the world will hear you. Dear Master, I doubt if you +will! Your bells ring too high up. The angels in heaven may hear you, but +men are not listening in that direction. I did not reply to your +contention against Lyman Abbott, because it is a far cry from you to me on +this subject. In consciousness we are at opposite ends of a great problem, +and I think the normal man walks somewhere between. Besides, I am not sure +that I understand your position; I am not familiar with the starry +highways of your mind. Still, in a general way it has always seemed to me +that material things are, after all, "counters which represent spiritual +realities." And I take comfort in the fact that it must require us all to +work out the Great Plan,--humanitarian, sage, pilgrim, ascetic, even the +butcher and candlestick maker. And while we do not know it, really we are +working together for one end hidden now in the divine economy of far-off +destiny and justice.... To me the wonder of wonders is that I may some day +light a little taper in your upper chamber myself, and kneel together with +you before the same window to worship. Only, dear Heart, please get your +deity named before I come! + +P.S.--As to my spelling, that is a coquettish licence I take with the +genealogy of words. And you may tell your proofreader that the letter _r_ +has never been popular in the South since the war. There is hauteur in my +omission of it, and it is a fact that we can express ourselves with far +more vigour without _g_'s or _r_'s than you of the North can with them. +For expression with us is not scholastic, but temperamental! Where is +Jack? + + + + +XXIX + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +KIND MADAM: + +Yes, a little more than kind, dear Jessica, for you have put into my grasp +the flower of perfect delight, and "my hand retains a little breath of +sweet." You have opened a window into my heart and poured through it the +warmth and golden glory of your own sunlight. I am filled with a +joyousness of a new spring--and yet there is something in your letter that +makes me a little sad. You express so frankly that reserve of resentment, +even of bitterness, which always, I think, abides with a woman in all the +sweetness of her love, but which with most women never comes to entire +consciousness. Listen, dear Heart, while I talk to you of yourself and +myself, until we comprehend each other better. It is so much easier for me +to understand you than for you to understand me, because a woman's nature +is single, whereas a man's is double, and in this duality lies all the +reason of that enmity of the sexes which draws us together yet still holds +us asunder. + +You complain of my letter because I argue a philosophical proposition in +it while pleading for love. Do you not know that this is man's way? And I +would not try to deceive you: this philosophical proposition, which seems +to you almost a matter of indifference, is more to me than everything else +in the world. For it I could surrender all my heart's hope; for it I could +sacrifice my own person; even, if the choice were necessary, which cannot +be, I might sacrifice you. There is this duality in man's nature. The +ambition of his intellect, the passion, it may be, to force upon the world +some vision of his imagination or some theorem of his brain, works in him +side by side with his personal being, and the two are never quite fused. +Can you not recall a score of examples in history of men who have led this +dual existence? You reviewed for me Bismarck's Love Letters and were +yourself struck by this sharp contrast between the iron determination of +the man in public affairs and the softness and sweetness of his domestic +life. That is but one case in point of the eternal dualism in masculine +nature which a woman can never comprehend, and which always, if it +confronts her nakedly, she resents. For a woman is not so. There exists no +such gap in her between her heart and brain, between her outer and inner +life. And the consequence shows itself in many ways. She is less efficient +in the world and is never a creator or impresser of new ideas; but, on the +other hand, her character possesses a certain unity that is the wonder of +all men who observe. She calls the man selfish and is bitter against him +at times, but her accusation is wrong. It is not selfishness which leads a +man if needs be to cut off his own personal desires while sacrificing +another; it is the power in him which impels the world into new courses. A +man's virtues are aggressive and turned toward outer conquest and may have +little relation to his own heart. But a woman's virtues are bound up with +every impulse of her personal being; they work out in her a loveliness and +unity of character which make the man appear beside her coarse and +unmoral. Men of vicious private life have more than once been benefactors +of the human race; I think that never happened in the case of a woman. + +And because of this harmony, this unconsciousness in woman's virtue, a +man's love of woman takes on a form of idealisation which a woman never +understands and indeed often resents. What in him is something removed +from himself, something which he analyses and governs and manipulates, is +in the woman beloved an integral part of her character. Virtue seems in +her to become personified and he calls her by strange names. For this +reason men who make language tend always to give to abstract qualities the +feminine gender, as you must have observed in Latin and might observe in a +score of other tongues. For this reason, too, a man's love of woman +assumes such form of worship as Dante paid to Beatrice or Petrarch to +Laura. It would be grotesque for a woman to love in this way, for virtue +is not a man's character, but a faculty of his character. And so is it +strange that I should approach you asking for love that my soul may have +peace? It cannot enter into my comprehension that such a cry should come +from you to me. All that I strive to accomplish in the world, all that I +gird myself to battle for, the ideals that I would lay down my life that +men may behold and cherish,--is it not now all gathered up in the beauty +and serenity of your own person? What I labour to express in words is +already yours in inner possession. If I ask you for peace, it is not +selfishness, dear girl; it is prayer. If you should come to me begging for +peace, I should be filled with amazement; for I myself have it not. What I +can give is love's unwearied tenderness and love's unceasing homage to the +beauty of your body and your soul. More than that, I shall give you in the +end the crown of the world's honour. Without you I may accomplish the task +laid upon me, but only with heaviness of soul and abnegation of all that +my heart craves. I was reading in an old drama last night until I came to +these words, and then I set the book aside: + + Once a young lark + Sat on thy hand, and gazing on thine eyes + Mounted and sung, thinking them moving skies. + +In that sweet hyperbole I seemed to read a transcript of your beauty. If I +am selfish, beloved, all love is selfishness. + +Dear girl, it seems that always I must woo you in metaphysics and express +my ardour in theorems. But have I not made myself understood? "Man's love +is of man's life a thing apart," as a thousand women have quoted: and it +is true. But do you not see that even for this reason his love swells into +a passionate idolatry of the woman who knows no such cleavage in her soul. +Try us with sacrifices. I could throw away every earthly good to bestow on +you a year of happiness--only not my philosophic proposition, as you +sarcastically call it. That is greater than I and greater than you--pray +heaven it do not clash with the promise of our peace. Virgil, I think, +meant to exhibit such a tragic conflict in his tale of AEneas and Dido, +only poetwise the inner impulse which worked within AEneas he expressed +dramatically as a messenger from the gods. It shows but little +understanding of the poem or of human nature to censure AEneas as a cold +egotist. Did he not sail away carrying anguish in his heart, _multa +gemens_? For him there was destined toil and warfare, for Dido only terror +and death. The tragedy fell hardest upon the woman, for so the Fates have +ordered. + +But why do I write such grim reflections? There is no tragedy, no +separation, for us, but a great wonder of happiness: + + The treasures of the deep are not so precious + As are the concealed comforts of a man + Locked up in woman's love. + +All the marvellous words of the poets rush into my brain when I think of +this new blessing. Yes, I have acted a robber's part, sweet Jessica, and +he who ravished that great jewel from the Indian idol never carried away +so large a draft on the world's happiness as this that I have stolen. I +cannot be repentant while this golden glow is upon me; later I shall begin +to question my own worthiness. + +I cannot now tell you one half that is in my mind to write, or answer one +half the questions in your letter. Jack is living with me just at present, +but of him I will speak next time. I have planned to change my abode, but +of that too next time. And I would not attempt to give a name to the deity +I serve in a postscript, as it were. Dear Heart, only let your love add a +little to your happiness as it has added so much to mine; and trust me.--I +am sending a letter to your father, the contents of which you might +imagine even if he should not show it to you. + + + + +XXX + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +WRITTEN BEFORE THE RECEIPT OF THE PRECEDING LETTER + +MY BELOVED: + +Last night, I dreamed myself away to you. I walked beside you, a little +wraith of love, through the silent night streets of your great city,--but +you did not know me. There was no sky above us, only a hollow blackness, +and the snow lay new and white upon the pavements; but I wore green leaves +in my hair and a red Southern rose on my breast to remind you of a brown +forest maid and summer-time far away--and you would not see me! I faced +you in gay mockery and swept a bow, but the blue silence in your eyes +terrified me. I held out my hands beseechingly, touched my cheek to yours, +and you did not feel the pressure. Then I slipped down upon the snow and +wept, and you did not hear me. + +We were both "in the spirit," I think. Only, dear Love, when I am in the +spirit, all my thoughts are of you; but though I looked far and near, I +could not find in all your regions one little thought of poor Jessica. All +was misty and dim within your portals. _Your_ thoughts were vague ancient +shapes that wandered past me like Brahmin ghosts. And not one gallant +memory of Jessica legended upon those inner walls of yours! + +Dear, I cannot escape now, my heart _will_ not come back to me; and since +it is too late I will not complain. But for a little while I must tell you +these things and pray for your kind comfort, till I shall have become +accustomed to your attic moods and exaltations. + +Do you recall the woman I told you of last summer, whose sorrow-smitten +face in the church terrified me so? Grief became credible to me as I gazed +at her. And could it have been, do you think, a message foretold to me of +this magic future, full of intangible fears, wherein I am to live with +you? + + + + +XXXI + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +Love is a mystic worker of miracles, O my sweet visionary! for on that +very day when you dreamed yourself away to me I beheld you suddenly +standing before me, so life-like and appearing so wistfully beautiful that +I reached out my hand to touch you--but grasped only the impalpable air. +All day and late into the night I had been reading and reflecting, seeking +in the ways of thought some word of comfort for the human heart, until at +last my consciousness became confused. It often happens thus. So real is +this search for some truth outside of me, that it seems as if my soul were +a thing apart from me, a thing which left me to go alone on its dim and +perilous way. I behold it as it were a shadow floating away from me out +into that abyss of shadows which are the thoughts of many men long dead. +And on this occasion the silence into which the Searcher went forth was +vaster and more obscure than ever before, filled with unfathomable +darkness as a clear night might look wherein no moon or stars appeared, +and so lonely "that God himself scarce seemed to be there." + +Then, as often when this mood comes upon me, I went out to walk under the +hard flaring lights and amid the streaming crowds of Broadway, in order to +bring back the sense of mortal illusion and unite myself once more to +human existence. The people were pouring from the theatres, and I sought +the densest throng. But still I could not awaken in myself the illusion of +life. And then suddenly, without warning, there in the noisy brawl of the +street, I beheld you standing before me, looking into my face and smiling. +You wore a burning Southern rose upon your breast and were more wondrously +and delicately fair than the dream of poets. And there was a smile upon +your lips as if to say: "Dear Philip, thou hast put away the pleasures and +loveliness of this world as they had been a snaring web of illusion; yet I +do but look upon thee, and forthwith thou art pierced with love and know +that in this scorned desire of beauty dwells the great reality." I reached +out my hand to touch the rose against your heart, but the vision was gone, +and all about me was only the tumultuous mockery of the street. +Sweetheart, you have smitten me with remorse. Shall I take from you only +happiness, and give in return only this spectral dread? Ah, you shall +learn that I am very real, very earthly, capable of love and tenderness +and daily duties and quiet human sympathies! I told you of the dualism +into which my life, into which, indeed, every man's life, is cast; why +will you persist in clinging to that part which is cold and inhuman +instead of seizing upon that which is warm and very near by? I would not +take you with me into those bleak ways where always there is fear lest our +personality be swallowed up in the dark impersonal abyss. I would love you +as a man loves a woman and cleaves to her. Nay, more, I perceive dimly in +that love a strange reconcilement wherein the dual forces of my nature +shall be made one, wherein truth and beauty shall blend together in a +kiss, and there shall be no more seeking in obscurity, but only peace. + +When the vision faded from me on Broadway, I turned back to my home, and +there, before the dawn came, tried to write out in words one thought of +the many that thronged upon me. I have almost forgotten the art of making +rhymes if ever I knew it. + + A RECONCILIATION + + All beauteous things the world's allurement knows: + Starred Venus, when she droops on Tyrian couch + While Evening draws her dusky curtains close, + Or pearled from morning bath she seems to crouch; + + In bleak November one strayed violet; + The rathe spring-beauty scattered wide like snow; + The opal in a cirque of diamonds set; + Rare silken gowns that rustle as they flow; + + The dumb thrush brooding in her lilac hedge; + The wild hawk towering in his proudest flight; + A silver fountain splashed o'er mossy ledge; + The sunrise flaming on an Alpine height;-- + + All these I've seen, yet never learned, till now + In thy sweet smiling, to accord my vow + Austere of truth with beauty's charmed delight. + + + + +XXXII + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +WRITTEN IN ANSWER TO LETTER XXIX + +MY DEAR PHILIP: + +You are a magician rather than a lover. And no lover, I think, was ever so +subtle at reasoning. At least you do not act the part as I supposed it was +played. A lover, I thought, was one who stood at the door of a woman's +heart and serenaded till she crept out upon her little balcony of sighs +and kissed her hand to him, or shed a tokening bloom upon his upturned +countenance. So far as I could imagine, he was prehistoric in the +simplicity of his methods. Two things I never suspected: that love is the +kind of romantic exegesis you represent it to be, or that every lover, +psychically, is a sort of twin phenomenon--that he is _two_ men instead of +one! And after he is married, I suppose he will be a domestic _trinity_, +but with his godhead concerned with the affairs of the world at large. I +am awed by the revelation; still, it excuses much in my conduct that I had +before felt was reprehensible; for I have scarcely faced my own reflection +in the glass since my ignominious capitulation. Something within charged +treachery against poor Jessica. But if there are _two_ of you, and only +_one_ of me, that fact gives a new and honourable complexion to my part in +the transaction. + +However, the way you have multiplied yourself and doubled forces upon me +may be good masculine tactics, but I am sure it is an unparliamentary +advantage you have taken. For you have not only posed as a lover, but with +the cunning words of a logician you prove what seemed wrong to be really a +sublime right; and what _I_ charged as selfishness, _you_ call "a prayer." +I am confused by your argument; it seems incontestable. But do you know, +my Philip, that a woman's convictions are never reached by a mere +argument? For they are hidden in her heart, not in her little bias-fold +mind. And so, in spite of your sweet reasoning with me, and the assumption +you make of omniscience concerning me, my convictions remain. Only, now, I +do not know whether I cherish them against you or against the God who made +me simple and you double. + +But granting all you say to be true, that every man has a personal life +and at the same time a universal life energy as well, that there is in him +a little domestic fortress of love, and a battle power of life +apart,--admitting all this, how do you reconcile justice with the fact +that you frankly offer only half of your duality for all of Jessica? Have +you never suspected that she also has fair kingdoms of thought apart from +your science of her? My Prophet, it is you who have discovered them to me! +Love has added a sweet Canaan to my little hemisphere. I have heard +invisible birds singing, I have trysted with spirits of the air since I +knew you. And I have felt the pangs of a consciousness in me so new and so +tender, that I am no longer merely the maid you know, but, dear Master, I +am some one else, near and kin to you as life and spirit are kin! What is +this strange white space in my soul that love has made, so real, yet so +holy that I dare not myself lift the veil of consciousness before it? And +all I know is that I shall meet you there finally heart to heart!--Philip, +kiss me! For I am a frightened white-winged stranger in my own new heavens +and new earth. I am no longer as you imagine, simply one, but I have a +foreign power of life and death in me, and the fact terrifies me. + +You declare that there is a difference and a distance between a man's love +and a man's mind which account for his dual nature. There is also an +intelligence of the heart, more astute, more vital, which divides woman's +nature also between the abandon of love and the resentment of +understanding. We know, and we do not know, and we _feel_. What we know is +of little consequence, what we feel is written upon the faces of each +succeeding generation. But what we do _not_ know constitutes that element +of mystery in us that makes us also dual. For we feel and suspect further +than we can understand. Thus, your faculty for projecting yourself in +spirit further than I can follow, excites in me a terror of loneliness +that sharpens into resentment. I am widowed by the loss of the higher half +of your entity. Can you not see, Philip, it is not your views I combat, +your theory about humanitarianism and all that? They are but the +geometrical figures of thought in your mind; and I have no wish to disturb +your "philosophic proposition." The point is, I love that in you more than +I love the lover. And the passion with which you cling to it as something +apart from our relationship offends me, excites forebodings. Tell me, are +"philosophic propositions" alien to love? And after all do you think you +are the only one who may claim them? This is a secret,--I have a little +diagram of feminine wisdom hid away from you somewhere, founded upon the +wit of love. And we shall see which lasts the longer, your proposition or +my understanding! + +But I must not forget to speak of a matter much more practical just now. +You mentioned the letter that you sent to father,--"The contents you might +imagine even if he did not show it to you." Well, he did not show it to +me, but from the effect it produced upon him I am obliged to infer that it +contained the most iniquitous blasphemies. Philip, I do hope you are not +subject to fits of "righteous indignation!" I could welcome a season of +secular rage in a man as I could a fierce wind in sultry weather, but this +kind of fury that cloaks itself in the guise of outraged piety is very +trying. No sooner did father read your letter than he strode in upon me +like a grey-bearded firebrand. The offending letter was crushed in his +hand, and his glasses were akimbo on his nose, the way they always are +when he is perturbed. I spare you the details, but from the nature of his +questions you might have thought he was examining you through me for a +licence to preach. I did not try to deceive him in regard to your views, +but my own impression of them is so nebulous that the very vagueness of my +replies increased his alarm. Nor did I protest at the abuse he heaped upon +your absent head. For I know how wickedly and unscrupulously you acted in +the felony of my love, and there was a certain humorous satisfaction in +hearing father give a "philosophic proposition" to your criminality. My +only prayer was that he might not ask me if I loved you. Philip, I would +rather live on bread and water a week than confess it to any living man +besides yourself. But father has dwelt too long outside the realm of +romance to ask that very natural question. Finally I protested feebly: +"But how can it vitally affect a woman's happiness whether or not her +husband accepts the doctrine of repentance just as you do? Can he not love +and cherish his wife even if he does question the veracity of Jonah's +whaling experience?" But when I looked up and saw his face, I was ashamed, +and ran and kissed him, and straightened his glasses so that he could see +me with both eyes. But, dear Heart, his eyes were too full of tears to +fire upon me. And as I sat there upon the arm of his chair, twisting his +sacred beard, this is what he told me. When my mother died, he said, and +left me a little puckered pink mite in his arms, he had solemnly dedicated +me to God. And he declared, moreover, that he could not be faithless to +his vow by giving me in marriage to an infidel. Being an infidel, Philip, +is much worse than being a plain heathen; an infidel is a heathen raised +to the sixteenth power of iniquity! Now I rarely quote Scripture, for I +have too much guile in me to justify the liberty, but I could not refrain +from mentioning Abraham's dilemma, it seemed so appropriate to the +occasion,--how when he was about to offer up Isaac, he saw a little +he-goat suggestively nearby fastened among the thorns; and I suggested +that instead of sacrificing me he should take the widow Smith's little +Johnnie, who shows even at this early Sabbath-school age a pharisaical +aptitude for piety. I pointed out that in the sight of heaven one soul is +as worthy, as acceptable, as another. Besides, did not Isaac become a +righteous man, even if he was not offered up and did live in this world of +temptations an unconscionably long time? But father was not to be reasoned +with or comforted. And yesterday, Sunday, he preached impressively from +the text, "Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? +"Of course _you_ are the heathen, Philip, and of course _I_ am the "vain +thing." But that is not father's idea. The vain thing you imagine is that +he will give his consent to our marriage! Well, you may settle it between +you! All I know is that now I am predestined, but not in the dedicated +deaconess direction! + + JESSICA, THE BRAVE. + +P.S.--What do you think, _our_ little forest is for sale. And oh, Philip, +if some vandal buys my dear trees and cuts them down, my very life will +die of grief! They are my brothers. And if a man built a house there and +asked me to marry him, I would, if he were as ugly as old Jeremiah! (I +suppose all the prophets were like this, their writings produce that +impression!) And my father would consent, even if the bridegroom were a +heathen instead of a prophet. For he would be obliged to attend religious +services at Morningtown, and father does not believe any man can long +remain under the drippings of his sanctuary without being forgiven. And I +do not either. God would have mercy upon him somehow! + + + + +XXXIII + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +Your letter, dearest Jessica, and your father's came by the same post, and +the sensation they gave me was as if some moral confusion had befallen the +elements and summer were mingled with winter in the same sky. Not that his +letter was anything but kind and dignified, but it seemed to remove you +and your life so far away from me. I confess I had some fears that he +might insist on the little we have seen or, as the world judges, know of +each other; it had not occurred to me that my "infidelity" would block my +path to happiness--so little do the people I commonly meet reck of that +matter. I have been accusing the world all along of indifference to the +spirit and to theology, and now, by a sort of poetical irony, I am blocked +in my progress toward happiness by meeting one who adheres to an old-world +belief in these things. The burden of his reply was in these words: "I +cannot conceive that my daughter should give her heart to a man who was +not strong in the faith in which she has herself been nurtured. I would +gladly be otherwise convinced, but from all I can learn you are of those +who trust rather in the pride of intellect than in the humility of +Christian faith. "Why, my fair Jesuit, have you concealed your love as +well as this! I think no one could live in the same house with me without +hearing the bird that sings in my breast. You must tell your father the +whole truth. + +Meanwhile I will write to him as best I can, but the real debate I must +leave until I come to Morningtown. And how shall I persuade him that I +have faith or that my faith is in any way an equivalent for his belief in +the Christian dogma? Will he listen to me if I say that a man may believe +the whole catechism and yet have no faith? Mankind, as I regard them, are +divided into two pretty distinct classes: those to whom the visible world +is real and the invisible world unreal or at best a shadow of the visible, +and those to whom this visible realm with all its life is mere illusion +whereas the spirit alone is the eternal reality. Faith is just this +perception of the illusion enwrapping all these phenomena that to those +without faith seem so real; faith is the voluntary turning away of the +spirit from this illusion toward the infinite reality. It is because I +find among the men of to-day no perception of this illusion that I deny +the existence of faith in the world. It is because men have utterly lost +the sense of this illusion that religion has descended into this Simony of +the humanitarians. How shall I tell your father this? I think we should do +better to discuss household economy than religion. + +Just now I am forcibly detained in New York by a number of petty duties, +but in a few days I shall set forth on my second pilgrimage to +Morningtown. Shall I have any wit to persuade your father that my +"infidelity" is not the unpardonable sin, or that my love for you is +sufficient to cover even that sin and a host of others? And how will +Jessica meet me? She will not look now, I trust, for that cloven hoof +which I never had and those ass's ears which, alas! I did flourish so +portentously. Why, Jessica, according to your own words you will have a +strange double lover to greet, and I think it would be mathematically +correct if you gave two kisses in return for every one. It will be a new +rendering of Catullus's _Da Basia_. + +And so your little forest is for sale. Could I buy that faerie land, +sweetheart, and build therein a hidden house and over its threshold carry +a sweet bride! Ah, you have rewritten the sacred story of Eden. Not for +the love of woman should I be driven from the happy garden, but brought by +woman's grace from the desert into the circle of perfect Paradise. +Together we should hearken to the singing of birds; together, we should +bend over the bruised flowers and look up into the green majesty of the +trees; and sometimes, it might be, as we walked together hand in hand in +the cool of the evening,--sometimes, it might be, we should hear the voice +of our own happiness speaking to us from the shadows and deem that it was +God. May angels and ministers of grace enfold you in their mercy for this +dream of rapture you have given me! It shall feed my imagination in dreams +until I come to you and learn in your arms the more "sober certainty of +waking bliss." + +Yet, withal, would you be willing to forego your "brothers," as you call +the trees, and this vision of hidden peace? Would it pain you to leave +them and come with me into this great solitude of people which we call New +York? How in that idyllic retreat should I keep my heart and mind on the +stern purpose I have set before me? There, indeed, the world and all the +concerns of mankind would sink so far from my care, would fade into the +mist of such utter illusion, that I know not how I could write with +seriousness about them. I need not the happiness of love's isolation, but +the rude contact of affairs, yet with love's encouragement, to hold me +within practical ideas. So it seems to me now, but I would not mar the +beauty of your life. Of this and many more things we will talk together +when I come. + +I have given up my old comfortable quarters in the----and have taken a +couple of cheap rooms here at----. For some months I shall not be writing +for money and I wished not to eat unnecessarily into my small savings. One +room is a mere closet where I sleep, the other is pretty large, but still +crowded immoderately with my books. I am hard at work on a book I have had +in mind for several years,--the history and significance of +humanitarianism. I need not tell you what the gist of that _magnum opus_ +is to be, and, dear sceptic, trust me it will be put into such a form as +to stir up a pother whether with or without ultimate results. I have +learned enough from the despised trade of journalism to manage that. When +I return from Morningtown I shall give myself up utterly to composition. +Two or three months ought to suffice for the work, for the material is +already well in hand; and at the end of that time my pen shall turn to +making money again. I have no anxiety about gaining a modest income--and +can you imagine what that means to you and me? + +I had thought to send our goblin boy into the country as you bade me, but +for a while I am keeping him here. He sleeps in a cot beside me, and in +the day, when not at school or crouching in sphinxlike silence on the +curbstone, he sits in a great chair by the window. Often when I look up +from my book his eyes are fixed on me with a kind of mute appealing +wonder. Somehow I could not let him go. He seems a link between us in our +separation; and while my thoughts are set upon rebuking the errors of +humanitarianism it will be well to have this object of human pity before +my eyes. + +I wonder if you comprehend what a strange wistful letter you have written. +You are no longer merely the maid I knew, and my ways of thought excite in +you a terror of loneliness that sharpens into resentment--so you say. Once +more, dear girl, we will talk of all this when I come. Until that happy +day, wait, and fortify your love with trust. + + + + +XXXIV + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +I have a number of terms, my Philip, with which I might begin this letter, +but I have not yet the courage to call you by such dear names beyond the +whispering gallery of my own heart. + +And you wonder how I have concealed my romantic deflections from father. +Indeed, I am sure he has noticed a heavenly-mindedness in me for some time +past; but out of the sanctity of his own heart he probably attributed this +improvement to the chastening effects of a particularly gloomy course of +religious reading that he has insisted upon my undertaking this winter. +And, after all, father is not so far wrong as to my spiritual state, for +when love becomes a woman's vocation, she carries blessings in her eyes +and all her moods tiptoe reverently like young novices who follow one +another down a cathedral aisle. This life of the heart becomes her piety, +I think, and the highest form of religion of which she is capable. Jessica +begins to magnify herself, you see! A kingdom of heaven has been set up +within me, dear creator, and naturally I feel this extension of my +boundaries. + +But do not expect me to tell father "the whole truth,"--how you first +fascinated me with editorial magnanimity, then baited me with compliments, +and later with deepest confidences, and finally slipped into my Arcadia +disguised as a philosopher, but, when you had got entire possession, +declared yourself a victorious lover! I wonder that you can contemplate +the record you have made in this matter without blushing! + +As for your "infidelity," and what you call your "faith," I think father +will denounce them both as blasphemous. Religion to father is something +more than "the poetry he believes in." It has the definition of +experience, miracles, and a whole body of spiritual phenomena quite as +real to him as your upper-chamber existence is to you. Only father has +this advantage of you, he has a real Divinity, with all the necessary +attributes of a man's God. His "voice of happiness" speaks to him from the +stars, and he does not call it an echo, as you do, of a fair voice within +your own heart. Father gets his salvation from the outside of his warring +elements; you speak to your own seas, "Peace be still!" As for me, between +you, I stand winking at Heaven; and I say: "It is evident that neither of +them understands this mystery of life; I will not try to comprehend. I +will be good when I can, and diplomatic when I must, and leave the rest to +heaven and earth and nature." Meanwhile, I advise you not to quote your +pagan authorities to father. If the very worst comes, you may say that you +have almost scriptural proof of my affections,--and mind you say +affections, father could not bear the romantic inflection of such a term +as love. It sounds too secular, carnal, to him. + +You ask me if I will consent to abandon such a life as our forest offers +and come with you into "this great solitude of people" which you call New +York. Philip, when a man holds a starling in his hand he does not ask the +bird whether it will stay here or wing yonder, but he carries it with him +where he will; and the starling sings, no less in one place than in +another, because its nature is to sing. But, I think, dear Master, the +motive which prompts the song in the cage is not the same as the impulse +to sing in the forest. So it is with me. If we live here among the trees, +where their green waves make a summer sea high in the heavens above our +heads, I could be as content as any bird is. But if you make our home in +the city, or in the midst of a desert for that matter, I could not +withhold one thought from your happiness, for love has transformed me, +adapted life itself to a new purpose. I have been "called," and I have no +will to resist, because my heart tells me there is goodness in the +purpose, a little necklace of womanly virtues for me. When I think of +pain, and sorrow, my eyes are holden, I can see only the fair form of love +sanctified, and I can hear only your voice calling me to fulfil a destiny +which you yourself do not understand. And as all these things approach, +beloved, father's God is more to me than your fine illusion. I wish for +guardian angels, I feel the need of a Virgin Mary and of all the lady +mothers in heaven to bless me. + +But I have been telling you only of my inner life. Outwardly I shall ever +be capable of the most heathen manifestations. For instance, loving as I +do, how do you account for this personal animosity I feel toward you, +almost a madness of fear at the thought of your approaching visit? There +is something that has never been finished in this affair of our hearts. +Perhaps it is that really you have never kissed me. Well, I find it as +easy to write of kisses as to review a sentimental romance, but actually +there is some instinct in me stronger than mind against the fact, do you +understand? Philip, you have no idea of the depths of feminine treachery! +Did I ever intimate a willingness to do such a thing? I do not say that I +_wish_ to kiss another, but I affirm that it would be easier for me to +kiss my father's presiding elder--and heaven knows he is a didactic +monster of head and whiskers! It is not that I do not love you, but that I +do! + +Do you know what will happen when you come to Morningtown? I will meet you +at the station, not as Jessica, but as the demure little home-made +daughter of the Methodist minister here; we will greet each other with +blighting formality, for there will be the station-master's wife to +observe us; we will walk home along the main street, and we will speak of +the most trivial or useful subjects, of the weather in New York, and of +Jack more particularly. Out of sheer bravado I will scan your face now and +then, but my eyes will not rest there long enough to fall before yours +discomfited. When we reach the house father will greet you from his Sinai +elevation, with pretty much the same holy-man courtesy Moses would have +showed if a heathen Canaanite had appeared to him. And while you two are +exchanging platitudes, I will escape into this room of mine, take one +glance at my mirror, and then cover my face with my hands for joy and +shame while the red waves of love mount as high as they will over it. Ah, +Philip, I shall be _so_ glad to see you, and so afraid! But you shall have +small satisfaction in either fact, for I do not aim to make it easy for +you to win what is already yours in my heart. + +P.S.--So you are keeping Jack mured up with you and your _magnum opus_. No +wonder he "crouches in sphinxlike silence on the curbstone." He prefers it +to your company. You once told me that you found humanitarians difficult +to live with: I wonder what Jack thinks of mystical philosophers in the +domestic relation. It almost brings tears to my eyes. And some day in a +similar situation I may be driven to seek the cold curbstone for +companionship. + + + + +XXXV + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +It seems to me as I read your letters, my sweet wife to be, that I am only +beginning to learn the richness of my fortune. And will you not, when you +write to me next time--will you not call me by one of those dear names +that you speak in the whispering gallery of your heart? I shall barely +receive more than one letter from you now before I come to see you in +person and tell over with you face to face the story of our love. Just a +few more days and I shall be free. + +But for the present I want to talk to you about Jack. Indeed, I feel a +little sore on this point. It was you who proposed our adopting him, yet, +after your first words of advice, you have left me to work out the +situation quite unaided; and now I can see that you are laughing at me. +Poor Jack, he was something like a "philosophical proposition" which I had +never very thoroughly analysed. One thing, however, begins to grow +perfectly clear: my home is no place for him; he is only a shadow in my +life and needs to take on substance. Well, I thought at last I had solved +the problem--or at least that O'Meara had solved it for me; but here too I +was disappointed. Really, you must help me out of this muddle. + +Do you remember the note-book of O'Meara's that I told you about? Ever +since his death I have been too busy really to look through the volume; +but day before yesterday it occurred to me that I might find some +information there about Jack's parentage, and with that end in view I +spent most of the day deciphering the smeared pages. At first I found +everything in the notes except what I wanted, but toward the end of the +book I discovered a whole group of memoranda and reflections in which the +name Tarrytown occurred again and again. I will read you the notes when I +come; without giving many events they tell in a disjointed way a little +idyllic episode in the story of his life. He, too, knew love, and was +loved. There in that village by the Hudson for a few short months he kept +the enemy at bay and was happy. And then, too soon, came the fatal +story--the only dated note in the book, I believe: + + September 3d: A son was born and she has left me to care for him + alone. I had thought that happiness might endure, and this too was + illusion. I stand by the tomb and read the graven words: _Et ego in + Arcadia fui_. + +And so, yesterday, on a venture I took our little goblin boy with me to +Tarrytown, and after some inquiry found that his mother's relations were +farm people living on the outskirts of the town. They proved to have been +poor but respectable people. At present only the grandfather is living +alone in the house, and he is very feeble. He was willing to assume the +care of Jack, but I cannot persuade myself to leave the child in those +trembling hands. Indeed, when it comes to the issue, I cannot quite decide +to let him go entirely from me, for is he not one of the ties that bind me +to you? I have brought him back with me to New York--which will only +increase your merriment at my expense. + +Some day when you have come to live in New York--if this is to be our +home--we will go together up the river to Tarrytown, and you shall see the +land where O'Meara dreamed his dream of happiness and where your adopted +child was born. + +And when we go there, I will take you to a bowered nook overhanging the +river, where I passed the afternoon reading and thinking of many things. +There together we will sit in the shadow of the trees and talk and plan +together how _our_ happiness, at least, shall be made to endure; and you +shall teach me to lose this haunting sense of illusion in the great +reality of love. And as the evening descends and twilight steals upon the +ever-flowing water, I will take you in my arms a moment, and this shall be +my vow: God do so to me and more also, if any darkness falls from my life +upon yours, until our evening, too, has come and the light of this world +passes quietly into the dream that lies beyond. + +All this I thought yesterday while I sat alone and read once more the sad +record of O'Meara's ruin. He did not stay long in Tarrytown, it seems, +after his loss, but came back to New York, bringing Jack with him, in the +hope that this care might keep him from the old disgrace. Alas, and alas, +you know the end! Sometimes apparently the vision of those peaceful days +returned to him with piercing sweetness. Above all he associated them--so +one may surmise from a number of memoranda--with a new meaning he began to +discover in his beloved Virgil. For, somehow, the story of the _AEneid_ +became a symbol to him of the illusion of life. Especially the last +bewildered, shadowy fight of Turnus, driven by some inner frenzy to his +destruction, grew to be the tragedy of his own fall. Many verses from +those books he quotes with comments only too clear. And is there not a +touch of strange pathos in this memory of his summer joy?-- + + There the meaning of the _Georgics_ was opened to me as it never was + before. The stately lines of precept and the sunny pictures of the + _loetas segetes_ seemed to connect themselves with the smiling scenes + about us. The little village lay among broad farm-checkered hills, + and the garden behind my house stretched back to the brow of a deep + slope. In the cool shadows of the beech trees that edged this hill I + used to lie and read through the long summer mornings; and often I + would look up from the page, disturbed by the hoarse cawing of the + crows as they flew up from the woods or fields nearby and flapped + heavily across the valley. The effect of their flight was simple, but + laid hold on the imagination in a peculiar manner. As they flew in a + horizontal line the sloping hillside appeared to drop away beneath + them like the subsiding of a great wave. It was just the touch needed + to add a sense of mystic instability to the earth and to subtilise + the prosaic farmland into the realm of illusion. Looking at the + fields in this glorified light I first understood the language of the + poet: + + _Flumina amem silvasque inglorius_, + + and his pathetic envy of those + + Too happy husbandmen, if but they knew + The wonders of their state! + + And when wearied of this wider scene I turned to the garden itself, + still I was in Virgil's haunted world. Some distance from the house + was a group of apple trees, under whose protecting branches stood a + row of beehives; and nearby, in a tiny rustic arbor, I could sit + through many a golden hour and read, while the hum of bees returning + home with their burden of honey sounded in my ears. It was there I + learned to enjoy the _levium spectacula rerum_, as he calls the story + of his airy tribes; and there in that great quiet of nature,--so wide + and solemn that it seemed a reproach against the noisy activities of + men,--I learned what the poet meant to signify in those famous lines + with which he closes his account of the warring bees: + + These mighty battles, all this tumult of the breast, + With but a little scattered earth are brought to rest. + +In this way Jack's father learned the illusion of life by looking back on +his happy days. I did not mean to fill my letter with this long extract +from his note-book, nor would I end with such ill-omened words. Dear girl, +I too have learned the deception of life in other ways. Teach me, when I +come to you, the great reality. In all O'Meara's memoranda after his +return to New York I could find only a single direct allusion to the woman +he loved. It was very brief: "On this day two years ago she said I made +her happy!" + +Shall I bring happiness to you when I come? + + + + +A CODICIL TO LETTER XXXIV + + +JESSICA TO PHILIP. WRITTEN BEFORE THE RECEIPT OF THE PRECEDING LETTER FROM +PHILIP + +Think of this,--I love you, but I do not know you. I only know your heart, +your mind, that part of you which meets me in spirit like the light from +some distant star that slips across my window sill at evening. But you, +oh! Philip, I do not know _you_. You are a stranger whom I have seen only +twice in my life. Do not be angry, my beloved, I do love you; but cannot +you understand that I must get used to the idea of your being some one +very real? These are thoughts forced upon me by your approaching visit, +and so I ask a favour: Do not tell me when to expect you. If you threaten +me with the identical day of your coming, I will vanish from the face of +the earth! But if you come upon me unawares, I shall have been spared that +consciousness of _confession_ face to face involved by a deliberate +welcome. And if you come thus, I shall not have time to retire behind my +instinctive defence against you. You see that I plan in your favour, that +I wish to be unrestrainedly glad when you come. + +And about the kisses, you understand of course, dear Philip, that I am +incapable of determining them really! I only contemplated the possibility +when distance made it an impossibility. Still, you cannot fail to know +that I love you, that it would even break my heart if you did not come! +For, Philip, a woman's heart is like the Scriptures, apparently full of +contradictions, but really it is the symbol of our everlasting truth, if +only you have the wisdom to understand it. + +And another thing, Philip, the more I think of it, the more I am +scandalised by the way you drag that poor goblin child about. My heart +yearns for him and his solitude in the midst of your philosophies. You +have made a perfect jumping-jack of him for your lordly amusement, and it +isn't fair. Bring him with you to Morningtown. I charge you. And remember, +don't lose him or philosophise him out of existence on the way. I have +talked with father about the boy, and he is primed with religious zeal to +snatch this tender brand from your burning. + + + + +XXXVI + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +Just a note, sweet lady, to bid you expect me on the afternoon train +Thursday--and is not that a long while from to-day? And please do not come +to the station. I would not have our meeting chilled by the curious eyes +of that station-master's wife; I remember the scrutiny of her gaze too +well. And as for our greeting--you have made a very pretty story out of +that, but have you not omitted Philip from the account? Is it not just +possible that he may mar all Jessica's nicely laid plans? I have a +suspicion that, in his crude masculine way, he may prefer to translate +into fact what Jessica finds so easy to contemplate in words. I feel a bit +uncertain as to how he will behave as a lover; the role is new to him, and +he may be awkward and a bit vehement. + +Yes, I will bring Jack and leave him to be brooded under your kind +maternal feathers. You will love him for the pathos of his eyes and for +his quaint ways. + +----- + + [2] It is unnecessary to say that the spelling throughout + these letters has been corrected for the press. + + [3] Alluding to a request not found in this correspondence. +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +The Third Part + +which shows how the editor again visits +Jessica in the country, and how love +is buffeted between philosophy +and religion. + + + + +XXXVII + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +WRITTEN ON RETURNING FROM HIS VISIT TO MORNINGTOWN + +Here I am back in my own room, in this solitude of books; and how +different is this home-coming from that other when I brought with me only +bitterness and despair! + +Shall I tell you, sweetheart, some of the things I learned during my three +days in Morningtown? First of all, I discovered that you are clothed with +wonderful beauty. In a dim way I knew this before, but the full mystery of +your loveliness was not revealed to me until this third time. Can it be +that love has transformed you a little and added grace to grace, or is it +only my vision that has been purged of its earthly dulness? I could love a +homely woman whose spirit was fair, but to love one who is altogether +beautiful, in whose perfect grace I can find no spot or blemish--that is +the miracle of my blessedness. There was a strange light in your eyes that +haunts me yet. Such a light I have seen on a lonely pool when the evening +sunlight slanted upon it from over the brown hills of autumn, but nowhere +else. My soul would bathe in that pure water and be baptised into the new +faith. + +For my faith, of which I boasted so valiantly, has changed since I have +seen you. Faith, I had thought, was a form of insight into the illusion of +earthly things, of transient joys and fears. And always a little dread +would creep into my heart lest love, too, should prove to be such an +illusion, the last great deception of all, binding the bewildered soul in +a web of phantom desires. So I still felt as I walked with you that first +evening out into the circle of your trees. And there, dear Jessica, in the +waiting silence and the grey shadows of that seclusion I put my arms about +you and would have drawn you to my heart. Ah, shall I not remember the +wild withdrawing of your eyes as I stooped over your face! And then with a +cry of defiance and one swift bound, you tore yourself loose from me and +ran like a frightened dryad deeper into the forest. That was a mad chase, +and forever and forever I shall see your lithe form darting on before me +through the mingled shadow and light. And when at last I caught you and +held you fast, shall I not remember how you panted and fluttered against +me like a bird in the first terror of captivity! And then, suddenly, you +were still, and looked up into my face, and in your eyes I beheld the +wonder of a strange mystery which no words can name. Only I knew that my +dread was forever at end. It was for a second--nay, an eternity, I +think--as if we two were rapt out of the world, out of ourselves, into +some infinite abysm of life. It was as if the splendour of the apocalypse +broke upon us, and poured upon our eyes the ineffable whiteness of heaven. +I knew in that instant that love is not an illusion, but the one reality, +the one power that dispels illusion, the very essence of faith. I +shuddered when the vision passed; but its memory shall never fade. So much +I learned on that day. + +And I also learned, or thought I learned, that your father's real +objection to my suit lay not so much in his hostility to my views, as in +his fear of losing you out of his life. And as I talked with him, even +plead with him, I was filled with pity and with something like remorse for +the sorrow I was to bring upon his heart. He is a saint, dear Love, but +very human. You have said that I acted like a robber toward you. I could +smile at your fury, but to your father I do indeed play the robber's part. +Yet in the end I think he will learn to trust me and will give me the one +jewel he treasures in this world. Shall a man do more than this? It is +hard to remain in this uncertainty, but our love at least is all our own. + + + + +XXXVIII + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +I have just received your letter, dear lover, and as I read it, all my +lilies changed once more to roses--as they did, you remember how often, +while you were here. This is your miracle, my Philip, for in the South you +know we do not have the brilliant colour so noticeable in your Northern +women. But now I have only to think of you, to whisper your name, to +recall something you said or did, and immediately I feel the red rose of +love burn out on cheek and brow. Indeed, I think it was this magic of +colour that made the difference in my appearance which seems to have +mystified you. + +And will it please you to learn that at the end of each day, as the +shadows begin to crowd down upon the world, I keep a tryst with you +beneath the old Merlin oak where you first clasped me breathless and +terrified in your arms? (Be sure, dear Heart, on this account, he will be +the first sage in the forest to wear a green beard of bloom next spring!) +And each time the memory of that moment, which began in such fright for +me, and ended in such rapture for us both, rushes over me, I wonder that I +could ever have feared the man whom I love. But you must not infer from +this that I can be prodigal of my kisses. Only, in the future, I shall +have a saner reason for withholding them,--that of economy. For if +frugality is ever wise, and extravagance forever foolish, it must be true +in love as in the less romantic experiences of life. + +And now I have a sensation for you, Mr. Towers. Now that love has finished +me, I have found my real self once more. I am no longer the bewildered +woman, embarrassed by a thousand new sensations, lost in the maze of your +illusions, but I am Jessica again, as remote from you, by moods, as the +little green buds that swing high upon the boughs of these trees, wrapped +yet in their brown winter furs. I mean that now I am able even to detach +my thoughts from you at will and to live with the sort of personal +emphasis I had before I knew you. I think it is because at last I am so +sure of you that I can afford to forget you! How do you like that? + +Besides, are we not now a part of the natural order, and does not +everything there hint of a divine progression? The trees will be covered +soon with the fairy mist of a new foliage, and our earth sanctified with +many a little pageant of flowers. Goodness and happiness are foreordained. +No real harm can befall us, now that we belong to this heavenly +procession. All our days will come to pass, like the seasons of the year, +inevitably. There is no longer any escape from our dear destiny. And as +for me, dear Philip, I think there are already hopes enough in my heart to +grow a green wreath about my head by next spring! + +Jack is very well, but still a little foreigner in this land where there +is so much space between things, so many wide sweeps of brown meadow for +him to stretch his narrow street faculties across. He is silent but +acquisitive, so I do not tease him with too many explanations. He will be +happier for learning all these mysteries of nature herself, as he watches +the miracle of new life now about to begin on the earth. Occasionally, +however, when an unbidden thought of you makes it imperative that some one +should be kissed, I sweep him up into my arms rapturously, and bestow my +alms upon his brow. But if you could see the nonchalance, the prosaic +indifference with which he endures these caresses, you _could_ not be +jealous! + + + + +XXXIX + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +I have always known, dear Love, that the first gentleman was a gardener +and that all men hanker after that blissful state of Adam whose only toil +was to care for the world's early-blooming flowers. But what was our first +great parent to me? + + There is a garden in her face, + Where roses and white lilies show-- + +and I, even I, by some magic skill of commutation, am able to change the +one bloom into the other. Was it not the rising colour on Cynthia's cheek +that the poet described as "rose leaves floating in the purest milk"? And +was it not Keats (or who was it?) who vowed he could "die of a rose in +aromatic pain"? I could write an anthology on Jessica Blushing; indeed I +could hardly otherwise be so pleasantly and virtuously employed as in +going through the poets and bringing together all that they have said in +prophecy of your many divine properties. + +Meanwhile you have turned me into a poet myself--think of that!--me, for +these dozen years a musty, cobwebbed groper in philosophies and religions! +I have been sitting here by my fire for hours, smoking and dreaming and +rhyming, rhyming and dreaming and smoking; and pretty soon the rumble of +the first milk-waggons will come up from the street, and with that prosaic +summons I shall go to bed when thrifty folk are beginning to yawn under +the covers and think of the day's work. + +I wonder sometimes if my inveterate pedantries do not amuse or, worse yet, +bore you. I am grown so used to books and the language of books. I believe +when Gabriel blows his trump I shall start up from my long slumber with a +Latin quotation on my lips--_At tuba terribili_, like as not. (Query: Does +Gabriel understand Latin, or is Hebrew your only celestial speech?) + +I am trying to be facetious, but really the matter worries me a little. +Have you been laughing at me because I scolded you for neglecting your +Latin, and because I took a copy of Catullus in my pocket when we made our +Sunday excursion into the woods? Yet it was all so sweet to me. In the air +hovered the first premonitions of spring, and the sunlight poured down +upon the earth like an intoxicating wine that has been chilled in the +cellar but is golden yellow with the glow of an inner fire. And some day I +must set up an inscription on that Merlin oak over the nook where we sat +together and talked and read, and ceased from words when sweeter language +was required. As you leaned back against the warm, dry leaves I had piled +up, with your great cloak twisted about your body--all except your feet, +that would creep out into the sun, tantalising me with a thousand +forbidden thoughts--I understood how the old Greeks dreamed of dryads, +fairer than mortal women, who haunted the forests. It pains me almost to +think of that hour; I cannot fathom the meaning of so much beauty; a dumb +fear comes upon me lest you should fade from my life like an aerial vision +and leave me unsatisfied. Yet you seemed very real that day, and your lips +had all the fragrance of humanity. + +Was it not characteristic of me that I could not revel in that present +bliss without seeking some warrant for my joy in ancient poetry? To read +of Catullus and his passion while your heart throbbed against my hand +seemed to lend a profounder reality to my own love. Dear dryad of the +groves, yet womanly warm, because inevitably I connect my emotions with +the hopes and fears of many poets who have trod the paths of Paradise +before me, because I translate my thoughts into their passionate words, +you must not therefore suppose that something fantastic and inhuman clings +to my love for you. The deeper my feelings, the more certainly do they +clothe themselves in all that my reading has garnered of rare and +beautiful. Other men woo with flowers; I would adorn you also with every +image and comparison of grace that the mind of man has conceived. The more +fully my love invades every faculty of my soul and body, the more certain +is it to assume for its own uses the labour and learning of my brain. You +see I am welded more than I could believe into a feminine unity by your +mystic touch, and that masculine duality of which I spoke is passing away. +With some trepidation I write out for you these half-borrowed verses: + + VIVAMUS ATQUE AMEMUS + + Dear Heart, the solitary glen we found, + The moss-grown rock, the pines around! + And there we read, with sweet-entangled arms, + Catullus and his love's alarms. + _Da basia mille_, so the poem ran; + And, lip to lip, our hearts began + With ne'er a word translate the words complete:-- + Did Lesbia find them half so sweet? + A hundred kisses, said he?--hundreds more, + And then confound the telltale score! + So may we live and love, till life be out, + And let the greybeards wag and flout. + Yon failing sun shall rise another morn, + And the thin moon round out her horn; + But we, when once we lose our waning light,-- + Ah, Love, the long unbroken night! + + + + +XL + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +A letter from my lover, so like him that it is the dearest message I have +ever had from him. In this mood you are nearest akin to my heart. For if +love fills my mind with a thousand woodland images, it sends you back to +the classic groves of the ancients, where the wings of a bird might +measure off destiny to a lover in an hexameter of light across his +morning, and where the whole world was full of sweet oracles. The truth is +we have need of an old Latin deity now. There was a romantic sympathy +between the Olympian dynasty of gods and common men, more vital than our +ascetic piety. And there are some experiences so essentially pagan that no +other gods can afford to bless them! + +Indeed, since your departure I have found a sort of occult companionship +with you in reading once more some of the old Latin poets. Father is +gratified, for he thinks that after all I may sober into a Christian +scholarship with the old Roman monks, and to this end he will tolerate +even Catullus. But really the wisdom of love has given me a keener +appreciation of these sweet classics. Did you ever think how wonderful is +the youth, the simplicity, the morning freshness of all their thoughts. It +is we moderns who have grown old, pedantic; and when some lyrical +experience, such as love, suddenly rejuvenates us, drawing us back into +the primal poetic consciousness, then we turn instinctively to these +ancients for an interpretation of our hearts,--also because their +definition of beauty, which is always the garment Love wears, is better +than we can make now. With us "The Beautiful" is often mere cant, or a +form of sentimentality, but with them it was a principle, a spirtual +faculty that determined all proportions. Thus their very philosophies show +a beautiful formality, a Parthenon entrance to life. And from first to +last they never left the gay amorous gods of nature out of their thoughts. +This is a relief, a tender companionship, that we have lost from our +prosaic world. You see Jessica grows "pedantic" also! The poem you sent +has awakened in me these reflections. The words of it slipped into my +heart as warm as kisses. + +But I have anxieties to tell you of. I fear trouble is brewing for us in +father's prayer-closet. You remember the little volume you gave me, _The +Forest Philosophers of India_? Well, he found it last night in the +library, where I had inadvertently left it; and recognising the author as +the same dragon who threatens the peace and piety of his household, he +settled himself vindictively to reading it. The result exceeded my worst +fears. If his daughter were about to become the hypnotised victim of an +Indian juggler he would not be more alarmed. He holds that all truth is +based upon the God idea. And he vows that you have attempted to dissolve +truth by detaching it from this divine origin. You speak the truth in +other words, but you are accused of blasphemously ignoring its sublime +authorship. Nor is that all. Your philosophy must have gripped him hard, +for he declares that you have an abnormally clairvoyant mind, and that "no +female intelligence" can long withstand the diabolical influence of your +heathen suggestions. Really it made my flesh creep! You might have thought +he was warning me against a snake charmer. And when I declined to be +alarmed, he locked himself up in his closet to fast and pray. This is the +worst possible symptom in his case, for he will work himself into a +frenzy, and before ever he eats or drinks he will get "called" to take +some radical stand against us. + +Meanwhile, besides a growing affection for Jack, I take a factitious +interest in him because he was your daily companion for several months. I +am tempted to ask him many questions that are neither fair nor modest, +particularly as he is devoted to you, and quite willing to talk of +"Misther Towers." + +"Does he ever sing, Jack?" I began last evening, as we sat alone before +the library fire. + +"Nope,"--Jack is laconic, but wise far beyond his years in silent +sympathy. + +"Did he often talk to you?" + +"Yes, when we went for a walk." + +"Tell me what about, Jackie." + +"I don't know!" was the ungrateful revelation. + +"You mean you have forgotten!" I insinuated. + +"Never did know. He talks queer!"--I tittered and Jack wrinkled up his +face into a funny little grimace. We both knew the joke was on you. + +"Did he ever mention any of his friends," I persevered. + +"Nope. Once he give me your love and some things you sent,"--the little +scamp knew the direction of my curiosity! + +"But did he never tell you anything about me, Jackie?" + +"Never did!"--I was wounded. + +"What does he like best?"--for I had made up my mind to know the worst. + +"His pipe," he affirmed without hesitation. + +"And when he smoked he'd lay back in his chair and stare at the rings he +made like they was somebody, and once I saw him look jolly and kiss his +hand to 'em." + +"Oh! did you, Jack? then what did he do?" + +"Caught me looking at him, and told me to go to bed." + +"Mean thing!" I comforted. "But run along now and put the puppy to bed; +Mr. Towers was very rude to you!" + +I was so happy I wished to be alone, for no man, I am persuaded, ever +smiled and kissed his hand to Brahma. Dear Philip, if you only knew how +jealous I am sometimes of your Indian reveries, you would understand how I +could consider Jack's treacherous little revelation almost as an answer to +a prayer. + + + + +XLI + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +Dear Jessica, you must not let the sins of my youth find me out now and +cast me from Paradise. You alarm me for what your father may think of that +book of mine on Oriental philosophy; I would not have him take it with him +into his prayer-closet and there in that Star Chamber use it against us in +his determination of our suit. Tell him, my Love, that I too have come to +see the folly of what I there wrote. Not that anything in the book is +false or that I have discarded my opinion of the spiritual supremacy of +those old forest philosophers of India, but I have come to see how +unsuited their principles of life must be for our western world. They +beheld a great gap between the body and the spirit, and their remedy was, +not to construct a bridge between the two, but by some tremendous and +dizzy leap to pass over the yawning gulf. We, to whom the life of the body +is so real, we who have devoted the whole ingenuity of our mechanical +civilisation to the building up of a comfortable home for that body, turn +away from such spiritual legerdemain with distrust, almost with terror. A +man among us to-day who would take the religion of India as his guide is +in danger of losing this world without gaining the other. No, our +salvation, if it comes, must come from Greece rather than from India. Some +day I shall write my recantation and point out the way of salvation +according to the Gospel of Plato. Indeed, since love has become a reality +to me, I have learned to read a new meaning in this philosophy of +reconciliation instead of renunciation. Tell your father all this. Some +way we must bring this uncertainty to an end. I must know that you are to +be my wife. + +And so Jack thinks a fuliginous pipe holds the first place in my +affections. The little rascal! And why don't you make that precocious imp +write to me? Do I not stand to him _in loco parentis_? But, joking aside, +he does not know and you can scarcely guess the full companionship of my +pipe these days. As the grey smoke curls up about me in my abandonment, +(for I never even read during this sacramental act,) there arises before +my eyes in that marvellous cloudland the image of many wind-tossed trees +down whose murmuring avenue treads the vision of a dryad, a woman; and as +she moves the waving boughs bend down and whisper: "Jessica, sweet +Jessica, he loves you; and when our leaves appear and all things awake +into life, he will come to gather your sweetness unto himself." + +.la begin XLII + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + +MY DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +It seems unnatural for me to address you in this manner--as if I had cast +off the dearer part of myself by the formality. But no other course is +open to me after what has happened. + +After praying and fasting till I really feared for his reason, father +thinks he received a direct answer from Heaven concerning his duty toward +us. He declares it has been made absolutely clear to him that if he +deliberately gives his daughter in marriage to one who will corrupt and +destroy her soul with "heathen mysticism," his own must pay the forfeit, +and not only is his personal damnation imminent, but his ministry will +become as sounding brass and tinkling cymbals of insincerity. He is +entirely convinced of the divine inspiration of this revelation, and I am +sure madness would follow any resistance I might make. I have therefore +been obliged to promise him that I will break our engagement and end this +correspondence, and I beg that you will not make it harder for me by any +protest, either in person or letter. No appeal can ever be made against a +fanatic's decision, because it is based not upon reason, but upon +superstition, a sort of spiritual insanity that becomes violent when +opposed. + +And father insists upon keeping Jack for the same reason he preserves me +from your corrupting influence. He thinks the boy is another little brand +he has snatched from your burning. And I hope you will consent to his +remaining with us, for he is a great comfort now to my sad heart. He will +write to you, of course, for father cannot but recognise that you have in +a way a prior authority over him. + +Nothing more is to be said now that I have the right to say. I have tried +to take refuge in the biologist's definition of love,--that it is +essentially a fleeting emotion, a phantom experience. It is like the +blossoms in May; to-day they are all about us, making the whole earth an +epic in colours, to-morrow they are scattered in the dust, lost in the +gale. Just so I try to wish that I may lose some memories, some tenderness +out of my heart. But I have not the strength yet to take leave of all my +glory and happiness, nor can I say that I wish you to forget,--only that +it is best for us both to forget now if we can. + + + + +XLIII + +PHILIP TO JESSICA + + +MY DEAR JESSICA: + +My first impulse on reading your letter was to come immediately to +Morningtown and carry you away by storm; but second thoughts have +prevailed and I am writing merely to bid you good-bye. For, after all, if +I came, what could I do? I would not see you clandestinely and so mingle +deceit with our love, and I could not see you in your father's house while +he feels as he does. It would be fruitless too; you have come to the +meeting of ways and have chosen. I think you have chosen wrong, for the +world belongs to the young and not to the old. Life is ours with all the +prophecy and hopes of the future. Ah, what mockery lurked in those words +we read together in the shadow of your beloved trees, while your heart lay +in my hands fluttering like a captive bird: + + So let us live and love till life be out, + And let the greybeards wag and flout. + +And now dear Love, only one phrase of all that poem shall ring in my +ears,--that solemn _nox perpetua_, that long unending night, for every joy +you promised. Ah, would you have thrust me away so easily if I had not +seemed to you wrapt up in a strange shadow life into which no reality of +passion could enter? And was your love, too, only a shadow? God help me +then! Yet I would not reproach you, for, after all, the choice must have +cost you a weary pain. I have brought only misery to you, and you have +brought only misery to me--and this is the fruit of love's battle with +religion. Do you remember the story of Iphigenia in Lucretius and that +resounding line, "So much of ill religion could persuade"? Do you know +Landor's telling of that story, "O father! I am young and very happy"? And +so, our story has been made one with the long tragedy of life and of the +poets; and the bitterness of all this evil wrought by religion has +troubled my brain till I know not what to say. Only this, sweet girl, that +no tears of separation and long waiting can wash away the love I bear you. +And, yes, I will not believe that you can forget me. Come to me when you +will, now or many years hence, and the chamber of my heart shall be +garnished and ready to receive you, the latch hanging from the door, and +within, on the hearth, the fire burning unquenched and unquenchable. Will +you remember this? There is no woman in the whole earth to me, but +Jessica. It will be so easy for me to shut myself off from all the world, +and wait--wait, I say, and work. No, I think you will not forget. There +has grown within me with love a mystic power to which I can give no name. +But I know that in the long silences of the night while I sit reflecting +after the day's toil is done--that something shall go forth from me to +you, and you shall turn restlessly in your sleep and remember my kisses. +And now good-bye. Do not interpret anything I have said as a rebuke. You +are altogether fair in my eyes, without spot or blemish, and I would not +exchange the pain you have given me for the joys of a thousand fleeting +loves. And once again, good-bye. + + (Enclosed with the foregoing) + +DEAR SIR: + +My daughter has read your letter (I have not) and asked me to return it to +you, together with those you had previously sent her. Let me assure you, +sir, that it is only after much earnest prayer that I have dared to step +in where my daughter's happiness was concerned and have commanded her to +cease from this correspondence. I trust I may retain your respect and +esteem. + + Faithfully yours, + EZRA DOANE. + + + + +XLIV + +EXTRACT FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +I have been looking over her letters and mine, steeping my soul in the +bitterness of its destiny; and what has impressed me most is a note of +anxiety in them from the first, "some consequence yet hanging in the +stars," which gave warning of their futile issue. As I read them one after +another, the feeling that they were mine, a real part of my life, written +to me and by me, became inexplicably remote. I could not assure myself +that they were anything more than some broken memory of "old, unhappy, +far-off things," a single, sobbing note of love's tragic song that has +been singing in the world from the beginning. Our tale has been made one +with the ancient theme of the poets. I ask myself why love, the one sweet +reality of life, should have been turned for men into the well-spring of +sorrows--for out of it, in one way or another, whether through +gratification or disappointment, sorrow does inevitably flow. Has some +jealous power of fate or the gods willed that man shall live in eternal +deceptions, and so fenced about with cares and dumb griefs and many +madnesses this great reality and dispeller of illusion? + +And thus from a brief dream of love I slip back into encircling shadows. I +move among men once more with no certainty that I am not absolutely alone. +Even the passion I have felt becomes unreal as if enacted in the dim past. +And that is the torture of it,--the torture of a man in a wide sea who +beholds the one spar that was to rescue him drifting beyond his reach, +beyond his vision. Ah, sweet Jessica, if only I could understand your +grief so that in sympathy I might forget my own! But it all seems to me so +unnecessary--that we should be sacrificed for the religious caprice of a +frantic old man. From the first there was a foreboding of evil in my +heart, but I did not look to see it from this source. I feared always that +the remoteness of my character, which seemed to terrify you with a sense +of unapproachable strangeness, might keep you from responding to my +passion. But that passed away. Then came your opposition to my crusade +against the sentimentalism of the day. That I knew was merely a new phase +of the earlier antipathy, a feeling that there was no room in my breast +for the ordinary affections and familiarities of life, a suspicion that my +true interests were set apart from human intercourse. This, too, passed +away, and in its place came love. And now love is shut out by the +religious caprice of one who dwells in an intellectual atmosphere which I +supposed had vanished from the world twenty years ago. I had not imagined +that the institutes of Calvin were still a serious matter. I have at least +learned something; and while writing against the lack of faith in the +present religion of humanity, I shall at least remember that my own +calamity has come from one inured in the old dogma. It is the irony of +Fate that warns us to be humble. + +And so it is ended. I fold away the little packet of letters with their +foolish outcry of emotion, and on their wrapper inscribe the words that +have been oftenest on my lips since I grew up to years of reflection: +_Dabit deus his quoque finem_--God will give an end to these things also. + + + + +XLV + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +May the Weird Sisters preserve me from another such experience! I was +walking in the Park in the evening, and the first warm odours of spring +floating up from the earth troubled me with a feeling of vague unrest. +Some jarring dissonance between the death in my heart and the new promise +of life all about me ran along my nerves and set them palpitating harshly. +Then I came upon a pair of lovers lingering in the shadow of a tree, +holding to each other with outstretched hands. As I approached them I saw +the woman was weeping quietly. There was no outcry; no kiss even passed +between them; only a long gaze, a quivering of the hands, and he was gone. +I saw the woman stand a moment looking hungrily after him and then walk +away still weeping. And the sight stung me with madness. What is the +meaning of these endless meetings and partings--meeting and parting till +the last great separation comes and then no more? Are our lives no better +than glinting pebbles that are tossed on the beach and never rest? +Suddenly the blood surged up into my head. It was as if all the forces of +my physical being had concentrated into one frenzied desire to possess the +thing I loved. For a moment I reeled as if smitten with a stroke, and then +without reasoning, scarcely knowing what I did, started into a stumbling +run. Only the evident amazement of the strollers on the Avenue when I left +the Park brought me back partially to my senses, yet the madness still +surged through my veins. All my philosophy was gone, all my remoteness +from life; I was stung by that fury that comes to beast and man alike; I +was bewildered by the feeling that my emotions were no longer my own, but +were shared by the mob of strangers in the street. It was the passion of +love, pure and simple, unsophisticated by questioning; and it had turned +my brain. Withal there ran through me an insane desire to commit some +atrocious crime, to waylay and strike, to speak words of outrageous +insult. I do verily believe that only the opportunity was wanting, some +chance conflict of the street or temptation of solitude, to have changed +these demoniac impulses to action--I whose most violent physical +achievement has been to cross over Broadway. It is good that I am home and +the blood has left my brain. What shall I think of this if I read it ten +years hence? + + + + +XLVI + +JACK TO PHILIP + + +DEAR SIR: + +I have not wrote you before. This is a beautiful place. I like it, +especially the young lady. The old man have been acting wild, like a cop +when he can't find out who done it. The difference is that it is the bible +in the old man and the devil in the cop. He says you have hoodooed the +young lady, and he says let you be enathermered. This is a religious cuss +word. The young lady don't cry. She is dead game, and have lost her +colour. + +So good by, + + Yours trewly, + + JACK O'MEARA. + +P.S.--The young lady have quit the family prayers, but me and the old man +have to say ours just the same, only more so. + + + + +XLVII + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +A wise man of the sect of Simon Magus has replied to an assault of mine on +humanitarianism by trying to show that in this one faith of modern days +are summed up all the varying ideals of past ages,--renunciation, +self-development, religion, chivalry, humanism, pantheistic return to +nature, liberty. Ah, my dear sir, I envy you your easy, kindly vision. +Indeed, all these do persist in a dim groping way, empty echoes of great +words that have been, bare shadows without substance. What made them +something more than graceful acts of materialism was that each and all +ended not in themselves or in worldly accommodation, but in some purpose +outside of human nature as our humanitarians comprehend that nature. +Renunciation was practised, not that my neighbour might have a morsel more +of bread, but that one hungry soul might turn from the desires of the +flesh to its own purer longings. Self-development looked to the purging +and making perfect of the bodily faculties, that within the chamber of a +man's own breast might dwell in sweet serenity the eternal spirit of +beauty and joy. Even humanism, which by its name would seem to be brother +to its present-day parody, perceived an ideal far above the vicious circle +in which humanitarianism gyrates. My dear foe might read Castiglione's +book of _The Courtier_ and learn how high the Platonic ideal of the better +humanists floated above the charitable mockery of its name to-day. As for +religion--go to almost any church in the land and hear what exhortations +flow from the pulpit. The intellectual contention of dogmas is +forgotten--and better so, possibly. But more than that: for one word on +the spirit or on the way and necessity of the soul's individual growth, +you will hear a thousand on the means of bettering the condition of the +poor; for one word on the personal relation of man to his God, you will +hear a thousand on the duties of man to man. Woe unto you, preachers of a +base creed, hypocrites! These things ought ye to have done, and not to +leave the other undone! You have betrayed the faith and forgotten your +high charge; you have made of religion a mingling for this world's use of +materialism and altruism, while the spirit hungers and is not fed. Like +your father of old, that Simon Magus, you have sought to buy the gift of +God with a price; like Judas Iscariot you have betrayed the Lord with a +kiss of brotherhood! Now might the Keeper of the Keys cry out to-day with +other meaning: + + "How well could I have spared for thee, young swain, + Enow of such, as for their bellies' sake + Creep and intrude and climb into the fold! + Of other care they little reckoning make + Than how to scramble at the shearer's feast, + And shove away the worthy bidden guest. + Blind mouths!" + + + + +XLVIII + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +Reading a foolish book on the Literature of Indiana (!) and find this +sentence on the first page: "It is not of so great importance that a few +individuals within a State shall, from time to time, show talent or +genius, as that the general level of cultivation in the community shall be +continually raised." Whereupon the author proceeds to glorify the "general +level" through a whole volume. Now the noteworthy thing about this +particular sentence is the fact that it was set down as a mere truism +needing no proof, and that it was no doubt so accepted by most readers of +the book. In reality the sentiment is so far from a truism that it would +have excited ridicule in any previous age; it might almost be said to +contain the fundamental error which is responsible for the low state of +culture in the country. Unfortunately the point cannot be profitably +argued out, for it resolves itself at last into a question of taste. There +are those who are chiefly interested in the life of the intellect and the +imagination. They measure the value of a civilisation by the kind of +imaginative and intellectual energy it displays, by its top growth in +other words. They crave to see life express itself thus, _sub specie +oeernitatis_, and apart from this conversion of human energy and emotion +into enduring forms they perceive in the weltering procession of transient +human lives no more significance or value than in the endless fluctuation +of the waves of the sea. For them, therefore, the creation of one +masterpiece of genius has more meaning than the physical or mental welfare +of a whole generation; they can, indeed, discern no genuine intellectual +welfare of a people except in so far as the people look up reverently to +the products of the higher imagination. There are others for whom this +life of the imagination has only a lukewarm interest, for the reason that +their own faculties are weak and stunted. Naturally they think it a slight +matter whether genius appear to create what they and their kind can only +dimly enjoy; on the contrary, they hold it of prime importance that +material welfare and the form of mental cunning which subdues material +forces should be widely diffused among the people. + +Now no one would say a word against raising "the general level of +cultivation"; the higher it is raised the better. Only the cherishing of +this ideal becomes pernicious when it is made more sacred than the +appearance of individual genius. Nor is it proper to say that the +appearance of genius is itself contingent on the level of cultivation. +There is much confusion of thought here. The influence of the people on +literature is invariably attended with danger. It has its element of good, +for the people cherish those instinctive passions and notions of morality +which keep art from falling into artificiality. But refinement, +distinction, form, spirituality--all that makes of art a transcript of +life _sub specie oeernitatis_--are commonly opposed to the popular +interest and are even distrusted by the people. The attitude of the +Elizabethan playwrights toward their audiences gives food for reflection +on this head. Just so sure as the ideal of general cultivation is made +paramount, just so sure will the higher culture become degraded to this +consideration, and with its degradation the general cultivation itself +will grow base and material. + + + + +XLIX + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +I lead a strange dual existence, the intensity of whose contrast is almost +uncanny. After sitting for hours at my desk working on my History of +Humanitarianism, I throw myself wearily on the sofa and smoke. And as the +grey fumes float above my face, slowly they lay a spell upon me like the +waving of mesmeric hands. I lose consciousness of the objects about me, +the very walls dissolve away in a mist, and I am lifted as it were on +softly beating pinions and borne swift and far like a bird. The sensation +is curiously familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, yet it never causes +me surprise. Sometimes I am carried out into the wide sky and soar as it +seems for hours without ever alighting, until I am brought to myself with +a sense of rapid falling. At other times I am borne to the blessed forest +where my love walks, and always then the same thing happens. I know not +whether it is my spirit or some emanation of my body, but, however it is, +I am there always pursuing her as once I did in reality, until at last I +lay hold of her and draw her into my arms beneath that ancient oak. I kiss +her once and twice and a third time, gazing the while into her startled +eyes. Then an inexpressible sweetness takes possession of me, a shudder +runs through my veins, and of a sudden all is dark; I am sinking down, +down, in unfathomable abysses, until abruptly I awake. No words can convey +the mingled reality and remoteness of these sensations. Jessica, Jessica, +you have troubled the very sources of my being; you have abandoned me to +contend with shadows and the fear of shadows. + + + + +L + +JACK TO PHILIP + + +DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +You have not wrote to me yet. The weather is fine and things come up here +and bloom out doors. But the old gentleman says we are out of the ark of +safety. He have made up his mind to be damned any how. He says the Lord +have turned his face against us. But I guess really it is the young lady +that is showing off. She stands on her hind legs 'most all the time now. +She have back slid out of nearly everything and have quit going to church. +She does the same kind of meanness I do now, and don't care. She is jolly +all the time, but she aint really glad none. She have got a familiar +spirit in the forest that you can't see with your eyes. But she meets him +under a big tree, and sometimes she cries. She don't let me come, but I +creep after her and hide, so as to be there if he changes her into +something else. The old gentleman have quit his religious cussing now and +have took to fussing. But he can do either one according to the bible. He +knows all the abusing scripture by heart. But the young lady have hardened +her heart. She is dead game, and she aint skert of him, nor of the bible, +nor nothing. And she aint sweet to nobody now but me. If you answer this, +I will show it to her. + + Your trew friend, + + JACK O'MEARA. + +P.S.--She wore your letter all one day inside her things before she give +it to the old man. + + + + +LI + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +Humanitarians are divided into two classes--those who have no imagination, +and those who have a perverted imagination. The first are the +sentimentalists; their brains are flaccid, lumpish like dough, and without +grip on reality. They are haunted by the vague pathos of humanity, and, +being unable to visualise human life as it is actually or ideally, they +surrender themselves to indiscriminate pity, doing a little good thereby +and a vast deal of harm. The second class includes the theoretical +socialists and other regenerators of society whose imagination has been +perverted by crude vapours and false visions. They are ignorant of the +real springs of human action; they have wilfully turned their faces away +from the truth as it exists, and their punishment is to dwell in a +fantastic dream of their own creating which works a madness in the brain. +They are to-day what the religious fanatics were in the Middle Ages, +having merely substituted a paradise on this earth for the old paradise in +the heavens. They are as cruel and intolerant as the inquisitors, though +they mask themselves in formulae of universal brotherhood. + + + + +LII + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +I have been reading too much in this tattered old note-book of O'Meara's. +It is my constant companion these widowed days, and the mystic vapour that +exhales from his thought has gone to my head like opium. I must get rid of +the obsession by publishing the book as a psychological document or by +destroying it once for all. With its quotations and original reflections +it alternates from page to page between the sullen despair of a man who +has hoped too often in vain and a rare form of inverted exaltation. As +with me, it was apparently his custom, when the loneliness of fate +oppressed him, to go out and wander up and down Broadway, seeking the +regions by night or day where the people thronged most busily and steeping +his fancy in the turmoil of its illusion. I can see his ill-clad figure +with bowed head moving slowly amid the jostling multitude, and I smile to +think how surprised the brave folk would be, who passed him as he shuffled +along and who no doubt drew their skirts away lest they should be polluted +by rubbing against him, if they could hear some of the meditations in his +book and learn the pride of this despised tramp. Many times he repeats the +proverb: _Rem carendo non fruendo cognoscimus_--By losing not by enjoying +the world we make it ours. Out of the utter ruin and abandonment of his +life he seems to have won for himself a spiritual possession akin to that +of the saints, only inverted as it were. The impersonal detachment they +gained by rising above human affairs, he found by sinking below them. He +looked upon the world as one absolutely set apart from it, and through +that isolation attained a strange insight into its significance, and even +a kind of intoxicating joy. On me in my state of bewildered loneliness his +mood exerts an alarming fascination. It is dangerous to surrender one's +self too submissively to this perception of universal illusion unless a +strong will is present or some master passion as a guide; for without +these the brain is dizzied, and barely does a man escape the temptation to +throw away all effort and sink gradually into the stupor of indifference +or something worse. I have felt the madness creep upon me too often of +late and I am afraid. Ah, Jessica, in withdrawing the hope of your +blessing from me you know not into what perils of blank indifference you +have cast my soul. Shall I drift away into the hideous nightmare that +pursued O'Meara? I will seal up his book, and make strong my determination +to work and in work achieve my own destiny. + + + + +LIII + +PHILIP TO JACK + + +It seems very lonesome in the big city without you, little Jack, and often +I wish that some of this pile of books around me were carried away and you +were brought back to me in their place. But it is better for you where you +are. + +You must listen to everything Miss Jessica tells you about the trees and +birds, and learn to love all the beautiful things growing around you. I +remember there were four or five great trees in my father's garden when I +was a boy living in the country, and I loved them, each in a different +way, and had names for them and talked to them. One was an oak tree that +grew up almost to the clouds, and its boughs stood out stiff and square as +if nothing could bend them. That was the tree I went to when I had some +hard task to do and wanted strength. Another was an elm that always +whispered comfort to me when I was in trouble. I used to go to it as some +boys run to their mother, for I grew up like you without a mother's love, +and I did not even have any sweet lady like Miss Jessica to be fond of me. +You must ask Miss Jessica to teach you all she knows about the trees in +Morningtown, and you must listen to what she says to them. Perhaps she +will tell you about the famous oaks that grew in a place called Dodona, +and were wiser than any man or woman in the world. People used to talk +with them as Miss Jessica does with her favourite tree. + +And now, dear Jack, I am going to tell you a story which I have made up +just for you. It isn't about trees exactly, but it all took place in a +deep forest that spread around a wonderful city. From the high white walls +of the town one could look out over the green tops of the trees as you +look down on the grass, and that was a marvellous sight. There was a +single road that ran through the forest right up to the gate of the city; +but it was a hard road to travel, dark most of the time because the sun +could not shine through the leaves, and very lonely, and so still that you +could hear your heart beat except when the winds blew, and then sometimes +the boughs clashed together overhead and roared and moaned until you +longed for the silence again. It was a long road too, and the men who +walked through the forest to the city all had great packs on their +shoulders. And what do you suppose was in their packs? Why, every +traveller carried with him a gorgeous suit of clothes heavy with velvet +and gold and silver; for so the people dressed in the beautiful city, and +no one could enter the gate unless he too bore with him the royal robes. +But you see, while they were walking in the rough forest, they wore their +old clothes of course. + +Now in one place a wonderful woman sat by the roadside. She was a maga, or +witch, named Simona. She was beautiful if you did not see her too close, +with large round eyes that looked very gentle and kind. And when any +traveller came by, the big tears would begin to roll down her cheeks and +she would cry out to him as if she pitied him and wanted to help him. + +"Dear traveller," she would say, "why do you trudge along this gloomy +road, and why do you carry that bundle which bends your shoulders and +tires your back? Don't you know that it is all a lie about the city you +are seeking? There is no city of palaces at your journey's end. Indeed, +you will never get to the end of the woods, but will walk on and on, +stumbling and falling, and growing weaker and weaker, until at last you +fall and never rise. And the wild beasts that you hear at night howling in +the bushes will rend and gnaw your body until only your bones are left." + +At this the travellers would stop and say: "But what shall we do, wise +witch, and whither shall we go?" + +Then she would say to them: "Turn aside by this pleasant path, and in a +little while you will come to my beautiful garden which is named +Philanthropia. There you will find many others whom I have wept for and +saved as I do you; and there amid the open glades you may live with them +in everlasting peace and love. Houses are there which you need only to +enter and call your own. And when you are hungry you have only to speak, +and immediately all that you desire to eat will appear on the tables. And +when you are tired, soft beds will rise up to receive you. And clothes +will be spread before you--not stiff and uncomfortable robes like those +you carry in your pack, but soft garments suited to that land of +comfort." + +Most of the travellers believed the witch and turned into the by-path. +But, alas! it was soon worse for them than it had been on the road; for +they were led, not to a garden, but into a great sandy desert, where +nothing grew and no rain or dew ever fell. And somehow they could find no +way out of the desert, but wandered to and fro in the endless fields of +dust, while the hot sun beat upon their heads and their hearts failed them +for hunger and thirst. + +But now and then a wary traveller did not believe the witch and laughed at +her tears and soft voice. And then, unless he got away very quick, +something dreadful happened to him. The witch suddenly changed into a huge +monster with a hundred flaming eyes, and a hundred mouths with which she +raved and bellowed, and a hundred long arms that coiled about like +serpents. She was so terrible that most men who saw her in her true form +fell down fainting at her feet; and these she lifted up and threw into +deep dark holes, hidden from the road, where the poor wretches soon died +of sheer loneliness. + +And now comes the heart of the story, dear Jack, if you are not too tired +to read to the end. + +One day a knight and a lady came riding up the road. The knight was not +very strong, nor was his armour much to look at,--just an ordinary knight, +but he was brave, and there was a mighty determination in his heart to +slay the false, wicked witch whose deeds he had heard of. And as he rode +he turned often to look into his lady's eyes, and always he seemed to +drink new courage from those clear pools, as a thirsty man drinks +refreshment from a well of cool water, for the lady was young and passing +fair--as fair as Miss Jessica, and she, you know, is the loveliest woman +in all the world. And so at last they came to where the witch was sitting +and weeping. Without a word the knight drew his sword and rushed upon her. +Of course she changed instantly to the monster with the hundred eyes and +mouths and arms. The air was filled with the fire from her eyes and with +the dreadful bellowing from her mouths, and her arms swung frantically +about on every side to seize the knight and crush him. But this was the +strange thing about the battle: as often as the knight looked at the lady, +who stood near him, he gained new strength and the witch could not harm +him. + +He was cutting off her arms one by one and victory was almost his, when +down the road came an old man wagging his grey beard dolefully and +muttering into his breast. And when he reached the three there at the +roadside, he stood for a moment watching the battle and still muttering in +his beard. Then without a word he beckoned to the lady. She hesitated, +sighed, and turned away, leaving the poor knight to struggle alone without +the blessing of her eyes. And immediately his strength seemed to abandon +him and his sword dropped at his side. You may be sure the witch shouted +with triumph at this, and the noise of her bellowing sounded like the +clanging of a hundred discordant bells. It was almost over with the +knight. But suddenly he too uttered a great cry. Despair came to give him +strength where hope had been before. "For love and the world!" he cried +out and drove at the monster once again with his uplifted sword. + +And, dear Jack, do you wish to know how the battle ended? I am very, very +sorry, but I can't tell you, for when I came through the forest the knight +and the witch were still fighting. There was a look of desperate +determination in the knight's eyes, but, to tell you the truth, I think +his heart was with the lady who had left him, and it is not easy to fight +without a heart in this world, you know. + +Write to me soon, a long, long letter and tell me about the trees of +Morningtown. Some day when you are grown up and live with men, you will be +glad to remember the friendship and the wise conversation of those +brothers of the forest. Good-bye for a time, my boy. + + Affectionately, PHILIP TOWERS. + + + + +LIV + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +A wan beggar, seated on the coping that surrounds St. Paul's and +exploiting his misery before the world. A strange scene calculated to give +one pause,--the poor waif crying his distress on the curb, within the iron +fence the ancient sleeping dead, and along the thoroughfare of Broadway +the ceaseless unheeding stream of humanity. As I walked up the street with +this image in my mind, the lines of an old Oriental poem kept time with my +steps until I had converted them into English: + + I heard a poor man in the grave-yard cry: + "Arise, oh friend! a little hour assume + My weight of cares, whilst I, + Long weary, learn thy respite in the tomb." + I listened that the corpse should make reply; + Who, knowing sweeter death than penury, + Broke not his silent doom. + +I am reminded of that joke, rather grim forsooth, which Lowell thought the +best ever made. It is in _The Frogs_ of Aristophanes. The god Dionysus and +his slave Xanthias are travelling the road to Hades, the slave as a matter +of course carrying the pack for the two. They meet a procession bearing a +corpse to the tomb. Xanthias begs the dead man to take the pack with him +as he is borne so comfortably on the same road to the nether world. +Whereupon they dicker over the portage. "Two shillings for the job," says +the corpse, sitting up on his bier. "Too much," says Xanthias. "Two +shillings," insists the corpse. "One and sixpence," cries Xanthias. "_I'd +see myself alive first_!" says the corpse, sinking down on the bier. + + + + +LV + +JACK TO PHILIP + + +DEAR MR. TOWERS: + +The young lady have the letter you wrote me and I cant get it. But you +needent bother about writing any more tales. I guess you done the best you +could, but we dont neither one like what you told about the witch and them +young people in the forest. Why do the knight stand there fighting the +witch when the old man have run off with his girl? Why dont he take out +after them and leave the witch to bleed to death? And the young lady +thinks of it worse than I do. She went on awful when she read it, and +cried. I guess she was sorry about the way the knight kept on cutting off +that woman's legs and arms even if she was bad. She don't say nothing else +nice about you now, nor let me. But she says you are the crewelest man she +have known. And she cries a heap when there aint nothing the matter, and +blames at every thing. The old gentleman feels bad about it but he dont +know what to do. I guess now he wishes he hadent fooled with the young +lady's salvation none. Because she have told him one day when he was +trying to talk pious at her, not to say nothing, that she dident believe +in nothing now but damnation. And he say "Dont talk that way before the +child." But I aint come to neither one of them things yet. + + Your trew Frend, + + JACK O'MEARA. + +P.S.--She goes to see her tree spirit every day. But she dont talk to him +no more. She just lays down on her face and cries. + + + + +LVI + +PHILIP TO JACK + + +I am afraid, little Jack, that my long story about the lady and the knight +in the woods did not interest you very much; and that is a pity, for, if I +cannot amuse you, how shall I do when I come to write stories for grown-up +folk? Well, anyway, I am going to tell you what happened after the lady +and the old man went away into the forest. + +For awhile they walked side by side in silence. But the road was long and +it was already late, and by and by the night fell and wrapped all the +trees in solemn shadows. It was not easy to keep the path in the darkness, +and pretty soon they were quite lost and found themselves wandering +helplessly in the black tangled aisles of the forest. That was bad, for +the lady was tired in body and discomforted in heart. But worse happened +when the old man left her to seek out the path alone, for he only lost +himself more completely in the treacherous shadows and could not get back +to her. Ah, Jack, if the lady was beautiful when the sunlight shone upon +her, how lovely do you suppose she was here in the night with the white +beams of the moon sifting down through the swaying boughs upon her +blanched face? But her beauty merely frightened her the more in her +terrible loneliness, where the only sound she heard was the stealthy +whisperings of the breeze among the leaves, as if all the shadows up +yonder were weaving some plot against her, while at times a low +inarticulate moan or some sudden crackling of dry twigs floated to her out +of the impenetrable gloom of the forest. At last she threw herself on her +face under a great tree, and wept and wept for very terror and +loneliness. + +Now wonderful things may happen in the night, dear Jack. The trees then +have a life of their own, and sometimes when the sun, which belongs to man +only, is gone they have power to do what they please to foolish people who +come into their circle. And so this tree that stood leaning over the +prostrate lady whispered and whispered to itself in a strange language. +Then out of the boughs there came creeping a dark cold shadow. It dropped +down noiselessly to the ground and covered the lady all about. It moved +and swayed in the faint moonlight like a column of wind-blown smoke. You +will hardly believe the rest, but it seemed slowly to take the very shape +of the lady herself, as if it were her own shadow that had found her; and +so it began to creep into her body. And as it melted into her flesh, she +grew cold and ever colder as if her blood were turning to ice. Pretty soon +it would have reached her heart and then--I shudder to think what would +have become of her. But when the first chill touched her heart, she +uttered a loud cry of fear: "Dear knight, dear knight," she called out, +"where are you? Save me! save me!" + +Then another wonderful thing happened in the darkness, for at such times +our spoken words may take on a life of their own just as the trees and +shadows do. And so these words of the lady, instead of scattering in the +air, were changed into a marvellous little fairy elf that went stealing +away through the forest. And as the elf ran swiftly under the trees and +over the long grass, so lightly indeed that the flowers and weeds only +bowed under his feet as when a gentle breeze passes over them,--as the elf +sped on, I say, everywhere the earth sent up a lisping whisper, "Save me, +dear knight! save me!" + +Now the knight was far away, resting from his battle with the old witch. +He had wounded her in many places, and might perhaps have killed her, had +not the sly wicked creature suddenly slipt away from him into some hiding +place of hers in the desert. And so, as he could not reach her, he was +resting, very tired and very sad. Then suddenly, as he sat with his head +hanging down, the little elf came tripping over the grass and plucked him +by the arm, and the faint whisper stole into his ear, "Save me, dear +knight! save me!" + +Do you suppose he was long in rising and following the clever little elf +back to their mistress? Ah, Jack, there was a happy hour and a happy year +and a blissful life for the lady and her knight then, was there not? + +And now, Jack, I will not bother you with any more stories after this. +Write to me and tell me all you are doing. Be good, little Jack, and +listen to the wise words of the trees and other growing things; and, above +all, love that sweet lady, Miss Jessica. + + Affectionately, + + PHILIP TOWERS. + + + + +LVII + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +There are two paths of consolation and we have strayed from both. There is +the way of the _Imitation_ trod by those who have perceived the illusion +of this life and the reality of the spirit,--the way over whose entrance +stand written the words: "The more nearly a man approacheth unto God, the +further doth he recede from all earthly solace." And truly he who hath +boldly entered on this path shall be free in heart, neither shall shadows +trample him down--_tenebroe non conculcabunt te_. There is also that other +way pointed out by Pindar to the Greek world in his Hymns of Victory,--the +way of honour and glory, of seeking the sweet things of the day without +grasping after the impossible, of joys temperate withal yet gilded with +the golden light of song; the way of the strong will and clear judgment +and purged imagination, with reverence for the destiny that is hereafter +to be; of the man who is proudly sufficient unto himself yet modest before +the gods; the way summed up by a rival of Pindar's in the phrase: "Doing +righteousness, make glad your heart!" There is not much room for pity here +or in the _Imitation_, for compassion after all is a perilous guest, and +only too often drags down a man to the level of that which he pities. + +And now instead of these twin paths of responsibility to God and to a +man's own self, we have sought out another way--the way of all-levelling +human sympathy, the way celebrated by Edwin Markham! Oh, if it were +possible to cry out on the street corners where all men might hear and +know that there is no salvation for literature and art, no hope for the +harvest of the higher life, no joy or meaning in our civilisation, until +we learn to distinguish between the manly sentiment of such work as +Millet's painting and the mawkishness of such a poem as _The Man with the +Hoe_! The one is the vigorous creation of a craftsman who builded his art +with noble restraint on the great achievements of the past, and who +respected himself and the material he worked in; the other is the +disturbing cry of one who is intellectually an hysterical parvenu. + + + + +LVIII + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +The new volumes of Letters have carried me back to Carlyle, who has always +rather repelled me by his noisy voluminousness. But one message at least +he had to proclaim to the world,--the ancient imperishable truth that man +lives, not by surrender of himself to his kind, but by following the stern +call of duty to his own soul. Do thy work and be at peace. Make thyself +right and the world will take care of itself. There lies the everlasting +verity we are rapidly forgetting. And he saw, too, as no one to-day seems +to perceive, the intimate connection between the preaching of false reform +and the gripe of a sordid plutocracy. He saw that most reformers, by +presenting materialism to the world in the disguise of a sham ideal, were +really playing into the hands of those who find in the accumulation of +riches the only aim of life, that they are in fact one of the chief +obstacles in the path of any genuine reformation. The humanitarianism that +attains its utterance in Mr. Markham's rhapsodic verse loses sight of +judgment in its cry for justice. It ceases to judge in accordance with the +virtue and efficiency of character, and seeks to relieve mankind by a +false sympathy. Such pity merely degrades by obscuring the sense of +personal responsibility. From it can grow only weakness and in the end +certain decay. + + + + +LIX + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +_Finivi_. The last word of my _History of Humanitarianism_ is written, and +it only remains now to see this labour of months--of years, +rather--through the press. I know not what your fate will be, little book, +in this heedless, multitudinous-hurried world; I know but this, that I +have spoken a true word as it has been given me to see the truth. That any +great result will come of it, I dare not expect. Only I pray that, if the +message falls unregarded, it will be because, as she said, my bells ring +too high, and not for want of veracity and courage in the utterance. After +all it is good to remember the brave words of William Penn to his friend +Sydney: "Thou hast embarked thyself with them that seek, and love, and +choose the best things; and number is not weight with thee." I have tried +to show how from one ideal to another mankind has passed to this present +sham ideal, or no-ideal, wherein it welters as in a sea of boundless +sentimentalism. I have tried to show that because men to-day have no +vision beyond material comfort and the science of material things--that +for this reason their aims and actions are divided between the sickly +sympathies of Hull House and the sordid cruelties of Wall Street. And I +have written that the only true service to mankind in this hour is to rid +one's self once for all of the canting unreason of "equality and +brotherhood," to rise above the coils of material getting, and to make +noble and beautiful and free one's own life. Sodom would have been saved +had the angel of the Lord found therein only ten righteous men, and our +hope to-day depends primarily, not on the elevation of the masses (though +this too were desirable), but on the ability of a few men to hold fast the +ancient truth and hand it down to those who come after. So shall beauty +and high thought not perish from the earth--"Doing righteousness, make +glad your heart!" + +And for my own sake it is good that the work is finished. It has +overmastered my understanding too long and caused me to judge all things +by their relation to this one truth or untruth. It has debarred me from +that _sereine contemplation de l'univers_, wherein my peace and better +growth were found. I am free once again to look upon things as they are in +themselves. + + + + +LX + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +I went yesterday afternoon to see the Warren collection of pictures which +has been sent here for sale at auction, and one little landscape impressed +me so deeply that all last night in my dreams I seemed to be walking +unaccompanied in the waste places of the artist's vision. It was a picture +by Rousseau; a _Sunset_ it was called, though something in the wide look +of expectancy and the purity of the light reminded me more of early dawn +than of evening; one waited before it for the unfolding of a great event. +A flat, marshy land stretched back to the horizon, where it blended almost +indistinguishably into the grey curtain of the sky. A deserted road wound +into the distance, passing at one spot a low boulder and farther on a +little expanse of dark water, and vanishing then into the far-off heavens. +Overhead, through the level clouds, the light pierced at intervals, wan +and cold, save near the horizon where a single spot of crimson gave hint +of the rising or the setting sun. There lay over the whole a sense of +inexpressible desertion, as if it were almost a trespass for the human eye +to intrude upon the scene--as if some sacred powers of the hidden world +had withdrawn hither for the accomplishment of a solemn mystery. As I +stood before it, a great emotion broke over me, a feeling of extraordinary +expansion, like that which comes to one in a close room when a broad +window is thrown suddenly open to the fresh air and to far-vanishing +vistas. I know little or nothing of the artist's life, but I am sure that +he had looked upon this desert scene with the same emotion of enlargement +as mine, only far greater and purer. And I know that his heart in its +loneliness had comprehended the infinite solitudes of nature and through +that act of comprehension was lifted up with a strange and austere +exultation. For, gazing upon these wide silences, he learned that the +indignities and conflicts and weary ambitions of life meant little to him, +as the storms and tumultuous forces of the earth mean nothing to the heart +of Nature, and in that lesson was his peace. One concern only was his,--to +wrest from the impenetrable mystery of the world an image of everlasting +beauty, and to set forth this image to others whose vision was not yet +purged of trouble. + + + + +LXI + +FROM PHILIP'S DIARY + + +I can rest no more to-night, for I have been visited by strange dreams. It +seemed to me in my sleep that I wandered desolate in a desolate land--not +in wide waste places as I dreamed after seeing Rousseau's picture, but in +some wilderness of trees where the light from a thin moon drifted rarely +through the slow-waving boughs. And always as I wandered, I knew that +somewhere afar off in that dim forest my beloved whom I had deserted lay +in an agony of suspense, waiting for me and calling to me through the +night. It seemed almost as if the years of a lifetime passed, and still I +sought and could not find her--only shadows met me and fantastic shapes +out of the darkness greeted me with staring eyes. And, oh, I thought, if +this long agony of solitude troubles her heart as it troubles mine and she +perish in fear because I have forsaken her! My distress grew to be more +than I could bear. And then in a loud voice I cried to her: "Fear not, +beloved; be at peace until I come!" I think I must actually have called +out in my sleep, for I awoke suddenly and started up with the sound still +ringing in my ears. Ah, Jessica, Jessica, what have I done! My own misery +has lain so heavily upon me that it has not occurred to me to imagine what +you too must have suffered. Indeed, the wonder of your love has been to me +so incomprehensibly sweet that the notion of any actual suffering on your +part has never really entered my thought. My own need I understood--can it +be that our separation has caused the same weary emptiness in your days +that has made the word peace a mockery to me? Can it even be that while I +have sought refuge and a kind of forgetfulness in the domination of my +work, you have been left a prey to unrelieved despondency? You accused me +once of conscientious selfishness--have I made you a victim of that sin? +Idle questions all, for I have come to a great awakening and a sure +determination. Dear Jessica, it was this very day one year ago that you +walked into my office, bringing with you hope and joy like the scent of +fresh flowers on the breath of summer--making as it were a dayspring +within my sombre life more filled with glorious promise than the dawn that +even now begins to break against my windows. It was doubtless the +half-conscious recollection of this anniversary that troubled my +dream--dream I call it, and yet there is a conviction strong upon me that +somehow my spirit, or some emanation of my spirit, was actually abroad +this night seeking yours, that somehow, when I cried aloud, the sound of +my voice penetrated to you through the darkness and distance. Be at peace, +beloved; for this rising sun shall not set until I am with you; and no +power of fanaticism, nor any brooding phantasy of mine, shall ever draw us +apart. Fear not, beloved; be at peace till I come. + + + + +LXII + +JESSICA TO PHILIP + + +I need not tell you that I read the letters to me which you wrote to Jack. +But the sequel of your story is wrong, dear knight. After a long famine, +out of a very wilderness of sorrows, it is I who return to you. And I +wonder if you will recognise in the poor little bedraggled vixen that I +now am, the gay lady dryad with whom you walked that day in the forest +when we met the witch. You may be shocked to learn, however, that I hold +you more than half accountable for the misfortunes that have befallen me +since! You should have saved _me_ instead of attempting to slay the witch. +But you allowed me to depart, a dejected fiction of filial piety, to +become the victim of a fanatical father's ethics. Why did you consent to +this sacrilege? For, indeed, I hold it as much a sacrilege to change a +Jessica into a deaconess as it would be to turn a Christian into a +Hottentot,--provided either were possible. + +I admit that it was I who ended our engagement and forbade you to come +here; but that was only a part of _my_ delusion, not _yours_! But why did +you not rescue me from these delusions? Are they not more terrible than +the beasts at Ephesus? Really I know not which of us has showed less +wisdom,--you who stayed to slay a metaphorical witch created of your own +heated imagination, or I, with all my hopes unfulfilled, turning aside to +follow one whose prophecies carry him out of the world rather than into +it. And I do not know what has been the result of your mistake, but with +me it has been war. I have been like a small province in rebellion, +burning and slaying all within my borders. I am a heathen Hittite in +father's vineyard. I have profaned all his scriptures and confounded all +his doctrines, until I think now the only boon he prays for is +deliverance. + +But one thing I have learned, dear knight of my heart,--submitting to a +paternal edict does not change the course of nature, although true love +often runs less smoothly on that account. You cannot make a wren out of a +redbird, even if you are the God of both. And not all the prayers in +heaven can save a little white moth from her candle, once she has felt it +shining upon her wings. Just so, some charm of light in you, some clear +illumination of things that reaches far beyond all the doctrines I know, +draws me like a destiny. It does not appear whether I shall live in a gay +rhythm around it or drop dead in the flame, and it no longer matters. Like +the poor moth, all I know is that I can neither live nor die apart from +it. + +And this brings me to the point of telling you why I have the courage to +break my promise and to write again. I have had what father calls a +"revelation," when he is about to construe life for me according to the +prayers he has said. But in no sense does my revelation resemble the +Christian shrewdness of his. It has all the grace of a heathen oracle, +and, father would say, all the earthly fallacies of one! For, indeed, my +life is so near and kin to Pan's that my vision never goes far beyond the +green edges of this present world. So! draw near, then, while I tell your +fortune according to the shadows of my own destiny!--as near as you were +that day when we read the old Latin poet together under the trees in our +forest,--for in some ways your fortune resembles the scriptures of +Catullus. They are dual, and the ethics they prove are romantic, too, +rather than ascetic. + +I have a mind to begin at the beginning and to run again over the long +fairy trail of our love, so that we may see more clearly where our good +stars agree. And oh, dear Philip, my heart craves to talk with you. +Silence to you is the rare atmosphere where your wings expand and bear you +swiftly upward and ever upward. But I--I cannot soar, I cannot breathe in +that silence. I am writing, writing, to save my heart from the madness of +this long restraint. I am comforting myself with this story of our +love--until you come, for you will come, Philip. Well, the beginning was +when a certain poor little Eve escaped from her garden in the South, which +was not according to the record in such matters, and brazened her way into +the office of a certain literary editor in New York. As well as I can +remember she was in search of fame, and she found,--ah, dear Heart,--she +found both love and knowledge. But do you know how terrifying you are to a +primitive original woman such as I was then? I had nothing in my whole +experience by which to interpret the broad white silence of the brow you +lifted to greet me, nor the grave knowledge of your eyes that comprehended +me altogether without once sharpening into a penetrating gaze. I had a +judgment-day sensation, through which I did not know if I should endure! I +was divided between one impulse to flee for my life and the more natural +one to stand and contend for my secrets. Did you know, dear Philip, that +every woman is born with a secret? I did not until that revealing day when +first you encompassed me about with the wisdom of your eyes. Then, all in +a moment, I longed to clasp both hands over my heart to hide it from you. +You talked by rote of literature, but I could not tell of what you were +really thinking. And I answered in little frightened chirups, like a small +winged thing that is blown far out of its course by the gale. + +All this happened to me one year ago to-day, dear Philip. But this year +with you I have come a longer distance than in all the years of my life +before. After that desperate visit to New York, I returned to Morningtown, +a delightful mystery to myself, made rich with an unaccountable joy, and +with an inexplicable rainbow arched in my heart's heavens. I did not know +for what I hoped, but suddenly I understood that life's dearest fulfilment +was before me. + +After that I do not know how the charm of love worked within my heart, +only that I had always the happy animation of some one newly blessed. And +I had the divine sensation of being recreated, fashioned for some happier +destiny. I lost father's boundary lines of prayer and creed. Some +limitation of my own mind passed away and I entered into a sort of heathen +fellowship with the very spirits of the air. And always I thought only of +you. The very reviews I wrote were, in a sense, remote love letters, +foreign prayers to your strange soul. I even banished distance by some +miracle of love and often sat in spirit upon the perilous ledge of your +window sill. + +This feat was not so easy to do at first, for I was much afraid of you. +Your mind seemed alien to me in the anti-humanitarian attitude which you +assumed to life. Yet it was this very power in you to surpass in +philosophy all mere mortal conditions that fascinated my attention, +compelled my allegiance. And for a long while I stood in jealous awe of +your "upper chamber." I resented that cold expression of your +spirituality. Then suddenly I was like a white moth beating my wings +against your high windows. + +In those days, Philip, I felt that I could be forever contented if only I +_knew_ that you loved me, and that your loving included all the strange +altitudes of your mind. Nor can I ever forget the happiness I felt in the +first assurances of your tenderness. They seemed to justify and set me +free. I danced many a pagan rhythm through my forest, and dared every bird +with a song. I had that liberty of being which comes of perfect +peace,--the same I have heard father's repentant sinners profess. And I +was resolved, oh, so firmly! never to compromise it with any sacrifice of +romance to reality. + +But, alas! now I know that if a man loves a woman, this is only the +beginning of a long negotiation, carried forward in poetic terms; and that +his love is a sort of _fi. fa._, which he will some day serve upon her +heart. + +Upon your first visit to Morningtown it was easy to hold out against you, +for you were such a distant, dignified admirer then. Your apparent +diffidence, your natural reserve, seemed to give me a coquettish advantage +over the situation, and I was not slow to avail myself of it. How was I to +know there was such a mad lover lying concealed behind your classic pose? +Thus it was that I compromised all the armies of my heart. Henceforth I +marched madly, dizzily to my final surrender. I could not have saved +myself if a thousand Bluechers had hurried to my defence. And there even +came a time when I desired my own capitulation; a thing which, owing to +some perversity of nature, I was unable to accomplish of my own will. + +But you will remember how that finally came about, and it might have come +so much earlier if you had made your first visit with the same brigand +determination as your second. And you brought Jack with you! How droll you +two looked that day as you stood upon our narrow door-sill awaiting your +welcome! There was no accent of paternity in your expression to justify +poor little Jack's presence. The relationship between you seemed so +ludicrously artificial,--as if you had somehow got an undeserved iota +subscript to your callous, scholarly heart. The situation put you at such +a humorous disadvantage, made you appear so at variance with your hard, +uncharitable theories of life, and with your superlative dignity of mien, +that the terror I had felt in anticipation of your visit vanished away. I +think the awkward helplessness with which you seemed always to be trying +to domesticate yourself to Jack appealed to my sense of humour so keenly +that your romantic proportions were suddenly reduced. You were less +formidable to deal with as a lover. That is how I came to consent to the +walk we took in the forest. Ah me! I should have taken warning from your +enigmatical silence. And indeed I did tremble with vivacity in my effort +to break it. But you only looked mysteriously confident about something +and kept your own counsel, giving me a nod or a quizzical smile now and +then, as if what I was saying really had no bearing whatever upon the +issue at hand.... Then suddenly the grey wood shadows fell about us. The +world changed back a thousand ages and we were the only man and woman in +it. I felt the sudden compulsion of your arms about me. And, Philip, I +could have rested in them if I had not caught in your face the expression +of a new, undisguised man; but the strange white intensity of it startled +me so that I must have died or made my escape. Ah! you do not know how +sincere was my flight from you the next moment. I knew that I should be +captured at last; but after the divine madness I had seen in your eyes, I +could not be _willing_. And when at last you overtook me under that old +Merlin oak, you showed no mercy at all, my lord. You were not even sorry +for me, and you did not understand as I lay with my face covered in terror +and shame against your breast. Philip, why does a woman always weep when +the first man kisses her the first time, no matter how glad she is? I hope +you do not know enough to answer this question. But I am sure every woman +does weep; and I think it is because she feels even in the midst of her +great happiness, an irremediable loss, for which nothing ever fully +atones. + +But another question is, How could I, after being lost to you in this dear +way, turn my face from you at the command of a religious enthusiast? A +regard for father and not for his righteousness is the explanation; for I +felt more nearly right following my heart to you. But now, dear knight, I +am ready to forgive you the fault of assenting to such an unnatural +sacrifice, if only you will come and take me once more. At present I am a +sorry little vagabond, very much the worse for wear, owing to father's +efforts to sanctify me. But if you will only love me enough, I think I +could be Jessica again. And perhaps you have some more natural way of +sanctifying me yourself; for I doubt now if I shall ever see heaven unless +I may ascend through your portals. + +Every day since our bereavement of each other, I have kept a tryst under +our big tree in the forest. At first this was a tender formality, a +memorial of a happiness that had passed. But after a time I began to have +a power of mental vision that was akin to communication. I came out of +myself to meet you somewhere in that mysterious world of silence to which +you seem to belong. There were hours when I felt absolutely certain of +your nearness, a tender peace enfolded me as warm as your arms are. And I +had the supreme satisfaction of having outwitted all father's powers and +principalities. Then came days when by no sweet incantation could I bring +myself near you. I wept upon my sod like one forsaken, and grieved the +more because I conceived that you must be far out of my regions in one of +your "upper chamber" moods, where all your faculties were concentrated +upon some merely philosophical proposition. I wonder now if you are +laughing! If you knew how I have suffered, you would not even smile. If +you knew how I have _needed_ to be kissed, you would make haste to come to +me. + +I had been making these excursions into the forest for a long time before +I discovered that Jack was playing the part of eavesdropping guardian +angel. Do you know, by the way, what a quaint little ragamuffin +philosopher that child is? He has a shrewd sobriety, a steady watchfulness +over all about him, and he is endowed with a power of silent devotion that +is absolutely compelling. He has been such a comfort to me! and there is +no way of keeping him out of your confidence. He knows things by some +occult science of loving. Thus I was not offended one day when I looked up +from the shadows under my oak and saw him regarding me gravely, almost +compassionately, from behind a neighbouring tree. After this we had a +tacit understanding that he might play sentinel there when I came into the +forest. + +See how much I have said, and still I have not told you the strangest part +of my story--the moonlit revelation of you to me. I am writing, writing, +to ease my heart until you come. And always as I write I listen for the +sound of your dear footsteps. For many successive days I had found our +trysting place a veritable desert. I seemed to have lost my heart's way to +you; and in proportion to my bewilderment, life became more and more +intolerable. I had the desperate sensation of one who is about to be lost +in a waste land, and I felt that I could not live through the frightful +loneliness of such an experience. Yesterday again I failed to find the +comfort of your occult presence when I went into the wood. I was filled +with consternation, and when the night came I lay tossing in a sleepless +fever. Unless I knew once more in my heart that you loved me, I felt that +I could no longer endure life. So I lay far into the night. At last in +desperation I arose from my bed, slipped on my shoes and the big cloak +that you will remember, and fled away to our tree in the forest, pursued +by a thousand shadows. For indeed I am usually afraid of the dark; it is +like a silence to me--your silence, Philip--and I fear it because I do not +know what it contains. But I had got one of father's wrestling-Jacob's +moods upon me by this time, and if Mahomet's mountain had come booming by +I should not have been deterred from my purpose. But do you know that +there is more life in a little forest when darkness falls than in a big +town? and that every living thing there recognises you as an intruder with +warning calls from tree to tree? I had not more than cast myself upon the +ground to sob out all my griefs to whatever gods would listen, when a +sleepy little robin just overhead called up to his mistress the tone of my +trouble. The young leaves whispered it, the boughs swept low about me, and +the winds carried messages of it away into the heavens, so that suddenly +the whole night knew of my woe and pitied me. + +I know not how long I lay there staring up at the blue abyss of stars +through the grizzly shades of night. I only know that my face was wet with +tears and that I seemed to tremble upon the brink of a long life's +despair. And oh! Philip I never _loved_ you so,--not only with my heart +and lips, but with my soul. And it was my soul that went out in a prayer +to you to come. I remembered not only the dear ways you have of folding me +into your arms and making me surpassingly happy, so against my own will, +but I remembered the silent young sage in his upper chamber, and I felt +that indeed it was to this esoteric personality that I must pray for +help. + +And so I gave my soul away to the sweet silence, and waited. The moonlight +falling down through an open space made a cataract of tremulous +brightness. It edged all the shadows with a silver whiteness, as of wings +hidden. + +And then suddenly there came to me out of the far abyss above my trees a +message, a sweet assurance. Oh, I know not how to call to it, only I felt +the nearness of my love. And I was afraid, my darling, and closed my eyes +lest I should _see_ you. And then, oh, Philip, I felt, I am sure I felt +your face close to mine, and in my ears a low whisper breathed like the +passing of the breeze, a voice saying: "Fear not, beloved; be at peace +until I come!" And I knew then that you loved me and had not forsaken me +altogether. + +And when at last I raised my eyes, I became aware of the fact that I was +still not alone; and peering through the dim spaces about me I beheld +_Jack_ sitting hunched up on the root of his tree like a small toad of +fidelity! The little owl sprite in him never quite slumbers, I think; and +seeing me leave the parsonage, he had crept out and followed bravely after +through the shadows. But the picture he made now startled me into a peal +of laughter. + +"You are the lady in the story that was lost," said Jack, with the solemn +intonation of one who has himself received a revelation. + +"Yes," I confessed softly. + +"But will the knight come to find you?" + +"I hope so; I think he is coming now, dear Jack." + +"Well damn him if he don't!" was the little wretch's impious comment. I +always suspected him capable of using strong language, but this was the +first time we had met upon a sufficiently intimate basis of friendship for +him to exploit it. + +And now, Philip, that is all until you come. But hasten, my beloved! I am +already aged with this long waiting for you. Do not ask me about father. +He is a good shepherd, but I am a small black sheep determined not to be +made white according to his plan. And he has come to that place where he +would be ready to take even you as an under-shepherd of this factious ewe +lamb. Besides, could we not make a providential offering of Jack, as +Abraham did of the goat when he was about to slay Isaac? Jack, I think, +has a heavenly wit withal, and could adjust the little prayer light of his +soul even to father's high altar mind. As for me, I cannot conceive of +life alone without you one whole day longer. Indeed, so strong is my +premonition of your approach, that even now I listen for the sound of your +footsteps upon the gravel outside. + +THE END + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Jessica Letters: An Editor's +Romance, by Paul Elmer More and Corra Harris + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JESSICA LETTERS *** + +***** This file should be named 26523.txt or 26523.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/6/5/2/26523/ + +Produced by Roger Frank and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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