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diff --git a/26210.txt b/26210.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..27445c5 --- /dev/null +++ b/26210.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3705 @@ +Project Gutenberg's How to Cook Husbands, by Elizabeth Strong Worthington + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: How to Cook Husbands + +Author: Elizabeth Strong Worthington + +Release Date: August 7, 2008 [EBook #26210] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO COOK HUSBANDS *** + + + + +Produced by Irma Spehar, Markus Brenner and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + _"They are really delicious + --when properly treated."_ + + + How To Cook + Husbands + + + By ELIZABETH STRONG WORTHINGTON + + Author of "The + Little Brown Dog" + "The Biddy Club" + + + Published at 220 East 23rd St., New York + by the Dodge Publishing Company + + + + COPYRIGHT IN THE YEAR + EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND + NINETY-EIGHT BY DODGE + STATIONERY COMPANY + + + + + Dedication + + To a dear little girl who will some + day, I hope, be skilled in all branches + of matrimonial cookery. + + + + + I + + +A while ago I came across a newspaper clipping--a recipe written by a +Baltimore lady--that had long lain dormant in my desk. It ran as follows: + +"A great many husbands are spoiled by mismanagement. Some women go about +it as if their husbands were bladders, and blow them up; others keep +them constantly in hot water; others let them freeze, by their +carelessness and indifference. Some keep them in a stew, by irritating +ways and words; others roast them; some keep them in pickle all their +lives. Now it is not to be supposed that any husband will be good, +managed in this way--turnips wouldn't; onions wouldn't; cabbage-heads +wouldn't, and husbands won't; but they are really delicious when +properly treated. + +"In selecting your husband you should not be guided by the silvery +appearance, as in buying mackerel, or by the golden tint, as if you +wanted salmon. Be sure to select him yourself, as taste differs. And by +the way, don't go to market for him, as the best are always brought to +your door. + +"It is far better to have none, unless you patiently learn to cook him. +A preserving kettle of the finest porcelain is the best, but if you have +nothing but an earthenware pipkin, it will do, with care. + +"See that the linen, in which you wrap him, is nicely washed and mended, +with the required amount of buttons and strings, nicely sewed on. Tie +him in the kettle with a strong cord called Comfort, as the one called +Duty is apt to be weak. They sometimes fly out of the kettle, and become +burned and crusty on the edges, since, like crabs and oysters, you have +to cook them alive. + +"Make a clear, strong, steady fire out of Love, Neatness, and +Cheerfulness. Set him as near this as seems to agree with him. If he +sputters and fizzles, don't be anxious; some husbands do this till they +are quite done. Add a little sugar, in the form of what confectioners +call Kisses, but no vinegar or pepper on any account. A little spice +improves them, but it must be used with judgment. + +"Don't stick any sharp instrument into him, to see if he is becoming +tender. Stir him gently; watching the while lest he should lie too close +to the kettle, and so become inert and useless. + +"You cannot fail to know when he is done. If thus treated, you will find +him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you and the children." + +"So they are better cooked," I said to myself, "that is why we hear of +such numbers of cases of marital indigestion--the husbands are served +raw--fresh--unprepared." + +"They are really delicious when properly treated,"--I wonder if that is +so. + +But I must pause here to tell you a bit about myself. I am not an old +maid, but, at the time this occurs, I am unmarried, and I am thirty-four +years old--not quite beyond the pale of hope. Men and women never do pass +beyond that--not those of sanguine temperament at any rate. I am neither +rich nor poor, but repose in a comfortable stratum betwixt and between. +I keep house, or rather it keeps me, and a respectable woman who, with +her husband, manages my domestic affairs, lends the odor of sanctity and +propriety to my single existence. I am of medium height, between blond +and brunette, and am said to have a modicum of both brains and good +looks. + +The recipe I read set me a-thinking. I was in my library, before a big +log fire. The room was comfortable; glowing with rich, warm firelight +at that moment, but it was lonesome, and I was lonely. + +Supposing, I said to myself, I really had a husband; how should I cook +him? + +The words of an old lady came into my mind. She had listened to this +particular recipe, and after a moment's silence had leaned over, and +whispered in my ear: + +"First catch your fish." + +But supposing he were now caught, and seated in that rocker across from +me, before this blazing fire. + +I walked to the window--to one side of me lives a little thrush, at least +she is trim and comely, and always dresses in brown. Just now she is +without her door, stooping over her baby, who is sitting like a tiny +queen in her chariot, just returned from an airing. + +It isn't the question of husband alone--he might be managed--roasted, +stewed, or parboiled, but it's the whole family--a household. Take the +children, for instance; if they could be set up on shelves in glass +cases, as fast as they came, all might be well, but they _will_ run +around, and Heaven only knows what they will run into. Why, had I +children, I should plug both ears with cotton, for fear I should hear +the door-bell. I know it would ring constantly, and such messages as +these would be hurled in: + +"Several of them have been arrested for blowing up the neighbors with +dynamite firecrackers." + +"Half a dozen of them have tumbled from off the roof of the house. They +escaped injury, but have thrown a nervous lady, over the way, into +spasms." + +"One or two of them have just been dragged from beneath the electric +cars. They seem to be as well as ever, but three of the passengers died +of fright." + +Just think of that! What should I do? + +Keep an extra maid to answer the bell, I suppose, and two or three +thousand dollars by me continually, to pay damages. + +What a time poor Job had of it answering his door bell, and how very +unpleasant it must have been to receive so many pieces of news of that +sort, in one morning! + +Clearly I am better off in my childless condition, and yet---- + +Little Mrs. Thrush is just kissing her soft, round-faced cherub. I wish +she would do that out of sight. + +Now as to husbands again, if I had one, what should I do with him? + +I might say, Sit down. + +Supposing he wouldn't. What then? + +Cudgels are out of date. Were he an alderman, I might take a Woman's +Club to him, but a husband has been known to laugh this instrument to +scorn. + +But supposing he sat down. What then? He might be a gentleman of +irascible, nasty temper, and in walking about my room, I might step on +his feet. These irritable folk have such large feet, at least they are +always in the way, and always being stepped on no matter how careful one +tries to be. + +What then? + +I decline to contemplate the scene. + +Plainly I am better off single. + +I walk to my front window, and stretch my arms above my head. There is a +light fall of snow upon the ground. This late snow is trying: in its +season, it is beautiful; but out of season, it breeds a cheerlessness +that emphasises one's loneliness. I look out through the leafless trees +toward the lake, but it is hidden by the whirling, eddying snowflakes. I +see Mr. Thrush hurrying home to his little nest. + +"Yes," I say to myself, repeating my last thought with a certain +obstinacy, "yes, I am better off without a husband, and yet I wish I had +one--one would answer, on a pinch--one at a time, at least. A husband is +like a world in that respect; one at a time, is the proper proportion." + +"It's far better to have none, unless you learn to cook him." These +words recurred to me, just as I was on the point of taking a life +partner, in a figurative sense. + +The woman that deliberates is lost; consequently, as it won't do to +think the matter over, I plunge in. + +My spouse is now pacing up and down the room in a rampant manner, +complaining of his dinner, the world in general, and _me_ in particular. + +What am I to do? + +Charles Reade has written a recipe that applies very well just here. It +is briefly expressed: + +"Put yourself in his place." + +I could not have done this a few years ago, but now I can. Never, until +I undertook the management of my business affairs--never until I had some +knowledge of business cares and anxieties, the weight of notes falling +due; the charge of business honor to keep; the excited hope of fortunate +prospects; and the depression following hard upon failure and +disappointment--never until I learned all this, did I realize what home +should mean to a man, and how far wide of the mark many women shoot, +when they aim to establish a restful retreat for their husbands. + +I have returned to my domicile, after a fatiguing day up town, with a +feeling of exhaustion that lies far deeper than the mere physical +structure--a spent feeling as if I have given my all, and must be +replenished before I can make another move. I once had a housekeeper +whose very face I dreaded at such times. She always took advantage of my +silence and my limp condition, to relate the day's disasters. She had no +knowledge of what a good dinner meant, and no tact in falling in with my +tastes or needs. On the contrary; if there was a dish I disliked, it was +sure to appear on those most weary evenings. In brief, from the very +moment I reached home, she did nothing but brush my fur up, instead of +down, and I did nothing but spit at her. + +Now, many women are like this housekeeper. I wonder their husbands don't +slay them. If you would look out in my back yard, I fear you would see +the bones of several of these tactless, exasperating housekeepers, +bleaching in the wind and rain. + +I marvel that other back yards are not filled with the bones of stupid, +tactless, irritating wives. The fact that no such horror has as yet been +unearthed, bears eloquent testimony to the noble self-control and +patience of many of the sterner sex. + +"Oh, that sounds well," said my neighbor, over the way, "but then you +forget we women have our trials too." + +"Is it going to diminish those trials to make a raging lion out of your +husband?" + +"No, but he ought to understand that we are tired, and that our work is +hard." + +"Certainly," I said, "by all means; and by the time he thoroughly +understands, you generally have occasion to be still more tired." + +"Well, what would you do?" + +"I'll tell you what I'd do; follow the advice of a sensible little +friend of mine, who has four children all of an age, and has +incompetent service to rely on, when she has any at all." + +"And what is that, pray?" + +"She says that come rain, hail, or fiery vapor, she takes a nap every +day." + +"I don't know how she manages it; I can't, and I have one less child +than she, and a fairly good maid." + +"Her children are trained, as children should be; the three younger ones +take long naps after luncheon, and while they are sleeping, she gives +the oldest child some picture book to look at, and simple stories to +read, and she herself goes to sleep in the same room with him. The +little fellow keeps as still as a mouse." + +"I think that is a cruel shame." + +"So do I. It would be far kinder if she let him have his liberty, and +stayed up to take care of him, and then became so tired out that, by the +time her husband came home she would be unable to keep her mouth (closed +for it is only a well rested woman who can maintain a cheerful +silence), and avoid a family quarrel." + +"No, I think it's better not to quarrel, but I can't take a nap, and +often I'm so tired when Fred comes home, that, if he happens to be tired +too, it's just like putting fire to gunpowder." + +I knew that, for I had heard the explosions from across the street. You +know in our climate, in the summer, people practically live in the +street, with every window and door open; your neighbor has full +possession of all remarks above E. And most of Mr. and Mrs. Purblind's +notes on the tired nights, are above E. + +I have no patience with that woman, anyhow. She hasn't the first idea of +comfort and good cheer. Her rooms are always in disorder, and there is +no suggestion of harmony in the furniture (on the contrary every article +seems, as the French say, to be swearing at every other article); all +her lights are high--why, I've run in there of an evening and found that +man wandering around like an uneasy ghost, trying to find some easy +spot in which he could sit down, and read his paper comfortably. He +didn't know what was the matter--the poor wretches don't, but he was like +a cat on an unswept hearth. + +In contrast to this woman's stupidity, I have the natural loveliness of +the little brown thrush, on my one side, and the hoary-headed wisdom of +Mrs. Owl, on my other side. + +Look at the latter a moment. Not worth looking at, you say; angular, +without beauty of form or feature. Nothing but the humorous curve to her +lips, and the twinkle in her eye, to attract one; nothing, unless it +were a general air of neatness, intelligence, and good humor. + +But I assure you that woman's worth living with if she is not worth +looking at! + +Now her spouse is one of those lowering fellows, the kind that seems to +be at outs with mankind. Just the material to become sulky in any but +the most skillful hands, the sort to degenerate into a positive brute, +in such blundering hands as Mrs. Purblind's over the way. + +I had a chance to watch this man one evening last summer. Having no +domestic affairs of my own, as a matter of course I feel myself entitled +to share my neighbors'. And this particular evening I was lonely. It was +a nasty night, the fog blown in from the lake slapped one rudely in the +face every time one looked out, and the air was as raw as a new wound--it +went clear to the bone. + +Now on such a night as this I have known Mrs. Purblind to serve her lord +cold veal and lettuce, simple because it was July, and a suitable time +for heat. And I assure you that sufficient heat was generated before +this cold supper was consumed. But to return to Mrs. Owl, on that +particular night. I saw her watching at door and window, for her partner +was late. I peeped into the parlor, and it was as cosy and inviting as a +glowing fire, a shaded lamp, and a comfortable sofa wheeled near the +table, could make it. + +By and by, he came glowering along. What will she say, I asked myself. +Will it be: + +"Oh, how late you are! What's the matter? What kept you? Well, come in, +you must be cold. Lie down on the sofa while I get supper, but don't put +your feet up till I get a paper for them to rest on." + +All this would have answered well enough with a decent sort of a man, +but this homo required peculiar treatment. + +It was what she didn't say that was most remarkable. + +After a cheerful "How-de-do" she didn't speak a word for some time, but +walked into the house humming a lively air, and busied herself with his +supper. She didn't set this in the dining room, but right before that +open fire. Without any fuss or commotion she broiled a piece of steak +over those glowing coals, while over her big lamp she made a cup of +coffee, and in her chafing dish prepared some creamed potatoes. She had +bread and butter ready, and some little dessert, and so with a wave of a +fairy wand, as it seemed, there was the cosiest, most tempting little +supper you ever saw on the table at his side. + +Meanwhile he had found the sofa, the fire, and the lamp, and was reading +his paper. He threw the latter down when supper was announced, and she +joined him at the table; poured his coffee, ate a bit now and then for +company, and talked--why, how that woman did talk! I couldn't hear a word +that she said, but I knew by the expression of her face it was humorous; +and laugh, how she laughed! and erelong he joined in--why, once he leaned +back, and actually ha-haed. + +When supper was over, she left him to his paper again, while she cleared +everything away. Later on she joined him, and the next I knew they were +playing chess, and still later, talking and reading aloud. + +This is but a sample of her life with him--in everything she consults +his mood, his comfort, his tastes. She never jars him--never rubs him the +wrong way, and meanwhile she has all she wants, for she can do anything +with him, and he thinks the sun rises and sets with her. + +It is a good cook that makes an appetizing dish out of poor material, +and when a woman makes a delicious husband out of little or nothing she +may rank as a _chef_. + + + + + II + + +You may say all I have been describing belongs more properly to little +Mrs. Thrush, on my right. Bless you! that woman doesn't have to think +and plan to make things comfortable. Were she set down in the desert of +Sahara, she would sweep it up, spread a rug; hang a few draperies, and +lo! it would be cosy and home-like. She can't help being and doing just +right, wherever she is put, and her husband is just like her, as good as +gold. Why, that man would bore a woman of ingenuity--a woman who had a +genius for contriving and managing. He doesn't need any cooking; he's +ready to serve just as he is, couldn't be improved. There's absolutely +nothing to be done. Mrs. Owl would get a divorce from him inside of a +month, on the ground of insipidity. Her fine capabilities for making +much out of nothing, would turn saffron for lack of use. Mr. Owl is the +mate for her. To every man according to his taste; to every woman +according to her need. + +I am lying in the hammock, under the soft maple tree in my side yard, +speculating on all these matters. Summer is now upon us, for we are in +the midst of June. Yesterday was one of Lowell's rare days, but this +morning the thermometer took offense, and rose in fury. I can see the +quivering air as it radiates from the dusty, sun-beaten road, and a +certain drowsy hum in the atmosphere, palpable only to the trained ear, +tells of the great heat. Some of my neighbors are sitting on their +galleries, reading or sewing; some, like myself, are lolling in +hammocks; even the voices of the children have a certain monotonous +tone, in harmony with the stupid heaviness of the day. Only the birds +and squirrels show any life or spirit; the former are twittering above +my head, courting, it may be, or possibly discussing some detail of +household economy. They hop from bough to bough, touch up their plumage, +and chirp in a cheerful, happy sort of fashion, as if this was their +especial weather, as indeed it is. Up yonder tree, a squirrel is racing +about, in the exuberance of his glee. He has done up his work, no doubt, +and now is off for a frolic. I lie here, not a stone's throw from him, +watching his merry antics, and rejoicing to think how free from fear he +is, when all at once the leaves of his tree are cut by a flying missile, +and the next second I see my gay fellow tumble headlong from the bough, +and fall in a helpless little heap on the grass. I start up in affright, +and hear a passing boy call out to another, over the way, + +"I brought him down, Jim." + +Involuntarily I clinch my hands. + +"You little coward!" I exclaim, "it is _you_ who should be brought down! +You are too mean to live." + +He laughs brutally, and goes on, whistling indifferently, while I pick +up the dead squirrel lying at my feet. + +I find myself crying, before I know it. Not alone with pity for the +squirrel; something else is hurting me. + +"Is this the masculine nature?" I ask some one--I don't know whom. + +Perhaps it is one of those questions which are flung upward, in a blind +kind of way, and which God sometimes catches and answers. + +"Are they made this way? Was it meant that they should be brutal?" + +I am still holding the squirrel and thinking, when I hear my name, and +turning see my neighbor over the way, Mrs. Purblind's brother, standing +near me. + +"Good morning, Mr. Chance," I say, rather coldly. + +All men are hateful to me at that moment; to my mind they all have that +boy's nature, though they keep it under cover until they know you well, +or have you in their power. + +"The little fellow is dead, I suppose," he said. + +"Yes," I answer with a sob which I turn away to conceal. I don't wish to +excite his mirth. Of course he would only see something laughable in my +grief, and he couldn't dream what I am thinking about. + +"You mustn't be too hard on the boy, Miss Leigh," he says quietly; "it +was a brutal act, but that same aggressiveness will one day give him +power to battle in life against difficulties and temptations as well. It +will make him able to protect those whom a kind Providence may put in +his charge. Just now he doesn't know what to do with the force, and +evidently has not had good teaching. I'm sorry he did this; it hurts me +to see an innocent creature harmed, and still more I am sorry because +it has hurt you." + +He is standing near me now, and as I raise my eyes, I find him looking +at me with a sweet earnestness, that wins me not only to forgive him for +being a man, but to feel that perhaps men are noble, after all. + +His look and tone linger with me long after he has gone, as a cadence of +music may vibrate through the soul when both musician and instrument are +mute. + +The day after this of which I have been telling, I went to a picnic +gotten up by Mrs. Purblind, for the entertainment and delectation of Mr. +Purblind's cousin, now visiting her, a frivolous young thing, between +whom and myself there was not even the weather in common, for she would +label "simply horrid" a lovely gray day, containing all sorts of +possibilities for the imagination behind its mists and clouds. + +I didn't care for this picnic, and didn't see why I was invited as most +of the guests were younger than myself. But it was one of those cases +where a refusal might be misconstrued, and so I went. We sat around the +white tablecloth _en masse_, for dinner; and in the course of the +passing of viands, Miss Sprig was asked to help herself to olives that +happened to be near her. + +"Yes, do, while you have opportunity," said Mrs. Purblind. + +"I always embrace opportunity," replied Miss Sprig with a simper. +Whereat Mr. Chance, sitting next her, suggested that, as a synonym of +opportunity, possibly he might stand in its stead. + +I detest such speeches, they are properly termed soft, for they +certainly are mushy--lacking in stamina--fiber of any sort. But I could +have endured it, as I had endured much else of the same sort that day, +had it not come from Mr. Chance. It may be foolish of me, but his tone +and his words of the day before were still with me. They were so +dignified, so sensible, so manly, that I respected and admired him. Up +to that time I had not felt that I knew him, but after he spoke in that +way, it seemed as if we were acquainted. Now I saw how utterly mistaken +I had been, and I was mortified and disgusted. + +The silly little speech I have quoted was not all, by any means; there +were more of the same kind, and actions that corresponded. Evidently he +was one of those instruments which are played upon at will by the +passing zephyr. With a self-respecting woman, he was manly; with a +vapid, bold girl, he was silly and familiar. I decided that I liked +something more stable, something that could be depended upon. + +I was placed in a difficult position just then. Had I acted upon my +impulse, I should have risen and walked off--such conduct is an affront +to womanhood, I think; but I was held in my place by a fear--foolish, yet +grounded, that my action would be regarded as an expression of +jealousy, the jealousy of an old maid, of a woman much younger and +prettier than herself. This is but one of the many instances of the +injustice of the world. I don't think that I am addicted to jealousy, +but I may not know myself. Possibly I might have felt jealous had I been +eclipsed by a beautiful or gifted woman, but it would be impossible for +me to experience any such emotion on seeing a man with whom I have but a +slight acquaintance, devote himself to a girl whom I should regard as +not only my mental inferior, but also as beneath me morally and socially +as well. The only sensation of which I was cognizant was a disgust +toward the man, and mortification over the mistaken estimate of his +character, that had led me, the day before, to suppose him on a footing +with myself. + +As soon as possible after dinner I slipped away for a stroll. The place +was very lovely, and I felt that if I could creep off with Mother +Nature, she would smooth some cross-grained, fretful wrinkles that were +gathering in my mind, and were saddening my soul. So when the folly and +jesting were at their height I dipped into the thicket near at hand, and +dodging here and there, jumping fallen logs, and untangling my way among +the vines which embraced the stern old woods like seductive sirens, I at +last struck a shaded path, which erelong led me down through a ravine to +the waters of the big old lake. It too had dined, but instead of +yielding itself to folly, was taking its siesta. Across its tranquil +bosom the zephyrs played, stirring ripples and tiny eddies, as dreams +may stir lights and shadows on the sleeping face. + +I had not walked along the beach, with the waves sighing at my feet, and +whispering all sorts of soothing nothings, for a great distance, before +I began to experience that uncomfortable reaction which sometimes arises +from splitting in two, as it were, standing off at a distance and +looking oneself in the face. I realized that I had been something of a +prig and considerable of a Pharisee. My late discomfort was not caused +by the fact that a young girl had cheapened herself, but by the fact +that a man had demeaned himself and in a manner involved me, inasmuch as +I had been led the day before by a false estimate of his character to +regard him as my social equal. After all it was this last that hurt +most; it was my little self and not my brother about whom I was chiefly +concerned. + +I am not naturally sentimental or morbid, so I merely decided that +internally I had made a goose of myself and not shown any surplus of +nobility; and with a little sigh of satisfaction that I had given the +small world about me no sign of my folly, I dismissed the subject and +betook myself to an eager enjoyment of the day. + +The soft June breeze played with my hair and gently and affectionately +touched my face; the lake quivering and rippling with passing emotions +stretched away from me toward that other shore which it kept secreted +somewhere on its farther side. The very sight of it, with its shimmering +greens, turquoise blue, and tawny yellow, cooled and soothed me, and ere +I knew it, I had slipped into a pleasant, active speculation on matters +of larger interest than the petty subjects which had lined my brow a +moment before. I was walking directly toward one of my families, and it +occurred to me that I might run in and make a call, while I was near at +hand. I had first become interested in them at church. I was impressed +by their cleanliness and regularity of attendance, and by a certain +judicious arrangement of their children--the parents always sitting so as +to separate the latter by their authority and order. + +Another point that claimed my attention was that the children were +changed each Sunday--a fresh three succeeding the first bunch, and on +the third Sunday, one of the first three being added to a fresh two, to +make up the proper complement. Both parents had a self-respecting, +self-sacrificing look, as of people who had learned to help themselves +cautiously from the family dish, and to "put their knives to their +throats" before time; but kept all this to themselves, asking nothing +from anyone, and making their little answer without murmur or complaint. +I had, for some time, realized that the child who was now getting more +than his share of sermons, by reappearing on the third Sunday, would +soon be reduced to the level of his brethren, and a new relative would +take the place which he had been filling as a matter of accommodation. I +sought occasion to make the acquaintance of the mother of this fine +brood, on the pretext of some church work, and after that became a +regular visitor at their little home. The perfect equality of the +parents; the deference with which they treated one another; and their +quiet happiness, in spite of all labor and privation, made me realize +that they might well extend a pitying thought to some of the apparently +wealthy members of the church. We may yet live to see the day when a new +scale shall come in vogue, and some Croesus who now stands in an enviable +light, shall then pass into his true position, and become an object of +pity. Mere dollars and cents are a misleading criterion of poverty and +wealth. + +I had seen my friends, and found that the mother and her new nestling +were in comparative comfort, and I was on the homeward stretch along the +beach, when I saw Mr. Chance walking toward me. + +"I was commissioned to look you up," he said. + +"Thank you," I replied, "I have been of age for some years." + +Of course he noticed the coolness in my voice, and in some way I divined +that he knew the cause. + +We went aboard our homeward-bound train about 5 o'clock. + +Mr. Chance helped me on, and evidently expected to sit with me, but I +thwarted him by dropping down beside an elderly lady, an acquaintance +who happened to be in that coach. I felt no grudge against him, but I +didn't care to have him pass from such a girl as Miss Sprig to me; his +conduct with her impaired his value somewhat in my eyes. My elderly +friend saw and recognized the situation, I am sure, and governed her +later remarks accordingly. + +Mr. Chance passed on, and took a seat with one of the superfluous men, +for contrary to the rule on most such occasions, the male gender was in +excess of the female. I had not expected him to return to Miss Sprig; +men always become satiated with such girls, soon or late. + +My elderly acquaintance entered upon an animated conversation, that +became more and more personal, and finally reached a climax when she +leaned over, and said in a semi-whisper: + +"My dear Miss Leigh, you ought to marry." + +I had been told this a number of times; any one would suppose, to listen +to some of these women, that I had but to put out my hand, and pluck a +man from the nearest bush. + +"I don't doubt you will marry some day, but I'm afraid you may not +choose wisely"--here she lowered her voice again--"after a man reaches +thirty-five he becomes very fixed in his ways, and I don't think it's +safe for a maiden lady to try to manage him; it needs some one of more +experience." + +I knew she had Mr. Chance in mind, and I was so indignant at being +warned against a man who had never shown the first symptom of any such +folly as addressing me, that the blood mounted to my hair. + +Observing this, my elderly companion whispered: + +"I wasn't thinking of any one, in particular, my dear;" upon which I +grew more enraged, and the color in my face deepened until I must have +resembled an irate old turkey gobbler--"not of any one in particular, my +dear; but on general principles, I shouldn't advise such a match. A +widower would be just the thing for you, and there always are widowers, +and every year the list grows--death makes inroads, you know." + +This idea, this hope of a second crop, as I had passed beyond the first +picking, was comforting. I knew perfectly well whom she had in mind for +me--a nice fat little widower, about fifty years old, who had been held +on the marital spit, until he was done to a turn. + + + + + III + + +The summer was ended, and I was not married. I am speaking now from the +standpoint of my neighbors; to my mind life did not swing on this hinge. +I had my occupations--there were a goodly number of needy folk to be +looked after; there was my reading; my music; my friends, and other +pleasures, and altogether I felt I was very well off. Not that I was +cynically opposed to marriage; I intended to marry, if the right man +called, but if he did not I was content to end life as I had begun it--in +single blessedness. + +My neighbors, however, were of another mind--I must marry; and they kept +making efforts to find some one who would fit, trying on one man after +another, without his consent or mine, something as one would attempt to +force clothes on a savage. + +But in spite of all such friendly offices the summer was ended, and I +was not married. I was thinking of it on this particular day, as I stood +gazing from the window--thinking of it with a sort of quiet wonder, for +with an entire neighborhood intent upon this end, it was rather +surprising that I was not double by this time. Had they succeeded I +should now occupy a very different attitude. It is only old bachelors +and old maids who speculate and theorize on marriage; when people are +really about it, they say little, and (it would often appear) think +less. + +It was a day for speculation--this particular one; the dead leaves were +scurrying up the street as people ran for a train; a gusty wind was +carrying all before it for the time being, like an overbearing debater. +The trees shook and groaned, recoiled and shuddered, like human +creatures in the blast; in their agitation dropping hosts of leaves that +immediately slipped under covert, or else joined their fellows in the +race up town. The sky was non-committal, and the lake looked dark and +secretive, as if it meditated wreck and disaster. + +It was only the middle of September, but there had been several of these +days--a hint, perchance, of what was to come by and by, as a gay waltz +strain sometimes dips into real life, and makes one look inward for a +moment. + +The house did not invite me just at this time, and the elements did; at +least I felt that rising within me which tempted me forth to have a bout +with them. + +I was walking at a goodly pace along the Boulevard--for I love the lake +in all its moods--when two men with anxious faces overtook, and hurried +past me. + +"There's been a wreck, miss," one of them--a man I knew--called back. + +I quickened my pace, trying to peer through the sullen fog, as I ran. +The occasional dull boom of a gun called "Help," from out the grayness, +with pathetic persistency. Soon another sound caught my ear, or rather +vibrated through my frame, for the ground beneath me seemed to tremble, +and I turned to see the swift oncoming of the life-saving crew from a +station below us. + +I had barely time to jump one side, before the huge wagon, bearing the +boat and its men, swept past me, every one of those splendid horses with +his head lowered, and his fine muscles set for the race. + +It was all done with the celerity and ease with which things are +accomplished in dreams. The sudden halting of the big wagon; the +swinging of the boat to the ground; the swift donning of the yellow +oilskin suits by the crew; the launch, and before one had time to wink, +the strong strokes in perfect time, that bore the boat up and down, and +up again, on those tumultuous waves. + +There were other spectators beside myself, standing with strained sight +and hearing, and throbbing hearts, upon the strip of beach. And there +were other workers beside the crew. I had thought we were a small +community out there in the little suburb, and I gazed with wonder that +morning at the crowd which seemed to have dropped from the sky, or come +up from below. + +The men were chiefly from the middle and laboring classes, for the +others go in on early trains, but Randolph Chance was there, his +newspaper work giving him his mornings. We spoke to one another, but +entered into no conversation. My thought was with the doomed ship, and +so was his. + +"Will any of you boys join me in taking off some of those people?" he +asked the men at hand. + +"It's a rough sea, Mr. Chance." + +"I know it, but I understand boating; I guess we can manage it." + +"Don't you think the life-saving crew can do the work?" I asked. + +"No," he answered shortly, "there won't be time for them to make enough +trips. Come, boys, here she goes! Jump in, a half dozen of you that can +pull oars." + +There were boats enough, and soon there were men enough, for the human +heart is kind and brave, and under a good leader men will walk up to +Death himself without flinching. + +Randolph Chance was big and strong, alert, and self controlled--a good +leader. I realized all this just now, as I had not before, and I thought +how strange it was that so much goodness should be bound up with so much +folly. It was the old story of the wheat and the tares; and I said: "An +enemy hath done this," and then I thought of Miss Sprig. + +I don't like to dwell on that morning; the experience was new to me, and +I can't forget it; I can't rid myself of the sound of those shrieks when +the ship went down. She struggled like a human creature under a sudden +blow--rocked, tottered, quivered, and then collapsed. + +The little boats made five trips and brought ashore almost all the +passengers and crew--all but one woman, and a little child. + +I was one of the many who received the chilled and frightened victims of +the storm, and indeed, as soon as we were able to dispose of the more +delicate and needy ones, we turned our thought to the brave crews of the +little boats, for their exertions had been almost superhuman, and they +were well-nigh exhausted. + +I bent over Randolph Chance, and begged him to take a little brandy some +one had brought. + +"Give it to the women," he said feebly. + +"They are all cared for; I'm going to look out for you now, Mr. Chance." + +"I wouldn't feel so done up," he said, "if it weren't for that woman. +She begged me to save her, and she had a little child in her arms," and +his voice broke. + +"You mustn't think of her," I said, "you did all you could." + +"Yes, I did my best to reach her, but before I could get there, she went +down. I can never forget her face. Oh, at such a time a fellow can't +help wishing he were just a little quicker, and just a little stronger." + +He had risen from the beach where he had flung himself or fallen, on +leaving the boat, but he fell again. I could plainly see that the +exhaustion from which he suffered was due as much to mental distress as +to physical effort, and I thought no less of him for that. + +He was finally prevailed upon to get into the wagon which had brought +the life-saving crew, and which was now loaded down with the other +boatmen, and many of the passengers from the wreck, and so he was taken +home. And I walked back alone, with a queer little feeling somewhere in +the region of my heart. + +Man, after all, is a harp, I said to myself; a good player--the right +woman can draw forth wonderful music, but the wrong woman will call out +nothing but discords. + +Materials don't count for everything; there's a deal in the cooking. + +I was on my way home, when I met two of my neighbors hurrying toward the +scene--Mr. and Mrs. Daemon. + +"You're too late," I said, "it's all over." + +"I only heard of it a little while ago;" said Mrs. Daemon; "I was in the +city, and I met Mr. Daemon who had just been told there was a wreck off +this shore, and was coming out to see it, so we both took the first +train." + +They hurried on, wishing to see what they could, and I walked homeward. + +Their appearance had slipped into my reflections as neatly as a good +illustration slips into a discourse. I must tell you their story, and +then see if you dare say man is not a harp, and woman not a harpist. + +Years ago, when I was a child, I used to see my mother wax indignant +over the wrongs inflicted upon one of her neighbors--a gentle little +woman whose backbone evidently needed restarching. She was the mother of +three children, and should have been a most happy wife, for her tastes +were domestic--her devotion to her family unbounded. Unhappily, she was +wedded to a man of overbearing, tyrannical temper--one of those ugly +natures in which meanness is generated by devotion. The more he realized +his power over his poor little wife, the more he bullied her, and +beneath this treatment she faded, day by day, until finally she closed +her tired, pathetic eyes forever. My mother used to say she had no doubt +the man was overwhelmed by her death, and would have suffered from +remorse, but for the injudicious zeal of some of the neighbors, who were +so wrought up by this culmination of years of injustice and cruelty, +that they attacked him fore and aft, as it were, creating a scandalous +scene over the little woman's remains, accusing him of being her +murderer, and assigning him to the warmest quarters in the nether world. +As a result of this outbreak of public opinion the man hardened, and +assumed a defiant attitude which he continued to maintain toward the +neighbors for some years. In the midst of all this furor, the sister of +the departed wife walked calm and still. The power of the silent woman +has often been dwelt upon, but I really do not think that half enough +has been said, although I am aware of committing an absurdity when I +recommend voluble speech on the subject of silence. Jesting and +paradoxes aside, however, the silent woman wields a power known only to +the man toward whom her silence is directed. + +In this particular case the power was all for the best. Erelong the +sister-in-law obtained such mastery over the forlorn household that she +held not only the fate of the little ones, but that of the father as +well, in the hollow of her hand. + +Two years slipped by, and then the neighborhood that had dozed off, as +it were, awoke to hear that the sister was going to marry that awful +man. + +At once the vigilance committee arose, and took the case in hand. + +"It can't be possible," it cried to the woman. + +"Yes, it is true," she said. + +"Why, don't you know that he killed your sister?" + +"I know he did." + +"And you are going to marry him, in face of that?" + +"Yes." + +"Well, he'll kill you." + +"Oh, no, he won't kill me"--there was a peculiar light in her eyes that +puzzled them. + +"What can you want to marry such a man for?" they cried, coming back to +the original question. + +"To keep the children. If I don't marry him, some one else will, and +those children will go out of my hands." + +Her devotion to the motherless brood had been past praise. There was +nothing more to be said, and if there had been it would have availed +nothing, for the sister had a mind of her own. She was one of those +handsome women, who walk this earth like queens, and to whom lesser folk +defer. + +She married, and lo! the neighborhood was agog once more, for strange +stories came floating from out that handsome house, and it appeared for +a time that instead of his killing her she was like to kill him. + +I remember one tale in particular, which my mother who, by the way, was +no gossip, and was as peaceable as a barnyard fowl, was in the habit of +rehearsing before a chosen few, occasionally, with a quiet relish that +was amusing, considering the fact that ordinarily any comment on her +neighbors' affairs was alien to her. It appeared that after a short +wedding trip, during which the bridegroom had several times shown the +cloven foot, the couple returned to their domicile. Probably the maids +who had lived there for some years and were devoted to the new wife, had +been warned of what was coming. At all events, they accepted everything +as a matter of course. + +Upon the evening of the married pair's return, a handsome dinner was +served. The train was a trifle behind time; the day had been cold, and +several other untoward circumstances had conspired to let loose the +bridegroom's natural depravity. An overdone roast served to touch off +this inflammable material. + +"---- these servants!" he exclaimed; "I'll kick every one of them through +the front window! Look at that roast!" + +The doors being now open, a perfect storm of ugly, evil tempers poured +forth. + +At such times as these it was the custom of wife number one to shiver, +shrink, implore--weep, then take the offending roast from the room, and +replace it by something else which most likely was hurled at her, in +the end. + +The present Mrs. Daemon neither shivered nor shrank. She knew what to +expect when she married this man, and she was ready. The guns were +loaded and aimed, and they went off, and presto! the enemy lay dead on +the dining room floor. + +Instead of a roast beef solo, there was a duet, Mrs. Daemon's feminine +soprano rising above her husband's masculine roar. She agreed with what +he said as to the disposition of the servants, only adding that she +intended to hang them all, before he put them through the front window. + +"To insult us during our honeymoon with such a roast," she cried; "and +look at this gravy! It's even worse!" + +And with one swift stroke of her hand she sent the gravy bowl flying +from off the table on to the handsome carpet. + +"In Heaven's name, what are you about?" he bawled. + +"Do you suppose I'd offer you such gravy; it ought to be flung in their +faces." + +He gasped and stammered; thought of the recent wedding and regretted it; +but he was married now, and to an awful shrew! + +Soon after dinner they repaired to the drawing room. In turning from the +fireplace he stumbled against a large, elegant vase. + +"Confound that thing!" he exclaimed, "I always did hate those vases that +set on the floor." + +"So do I!" she chimed in, and putting out her foot with an expressive +jerk, she kicked it over, and broke it into a hundred fragments. + +"Do you see what you've done?" he cried, "have you forgotten that that +vase was a present from me?" + +"No, I haven't, but we both hate it, and what's the use of keeping it?" + +This was but the beginning; from that time on, let him but murmur +against a dish, and it was flung on to the floor; torrents of abuse +were poured upon the head of a maid with whom he found fault; some of +the handsomest furniture in the house was broken, the moment it gave +offense to him. In no vehemence was he alone--his wife's anathemas and +abuse joined and exceeded his, until--he had enough of it--an overdose, in +fact, and erelong he turned a corner--came out of Hurricane Gulch into +Peaceful Lane, and he hoped the latter would know no turning. The +servants whispered of times when he would tell his wife of guests +invited to the house, and entreat her not to make a scene while they +were there. + +Sixteen years have gone by, and this woman is still above ground; +stranger still the man is alive as well; and strangest of all, they are +still under the same roof. Indeed, if report and appearance are to be +trusted, Mr. Daemon is a model husband, and Mrs. Daemon's sudden and +amazing temper has spent itself and left her a person of spirit indeed, +but in nowise unamiable, and least of all, an ugly character. + +No one who saw them walk past me, arm in arm, that morning, on their way +to the wreck, would have dreamed of their past. + +Truly, man _is_ a harp, and truly, woman does the harping. + + + + + IV + + +I have been wandering about to-day in an apparently aimless fashion, but +in reality "musing upon many things." Our horror of shiftlessness, and +our realization of the responsibilities of life, and of the important +work Providence has kept saving up for us, or perhaps "growing up" for +us, like Dick Swiviller's future mate, is expressed in the fact that if +we take an hour's leisure, anywhere betwixt sunrise and sunset, we feel +under bonds to explain the matter not only to our own souls, but also to +those other souls who live adjacent, and take an everlasting interest in +ours. + +Consequently, I told myself this day that I was not well--that I had +been overdoing, and that I had best "go easy for a spell." After which +concession to my interior governor, I proceeded to apologize to my +neighbors; to call my dogs--not to apologize to them, but to solicit +their company--and then to hie me away to the lake, remembering to walk +feebly as long as I was in sight. + +I didn't go down to the beach, but plunged into the cool, comforting +heart of a ravine; fathomed its depths, with a feeling of delightful +seclusion, and came out on the thither side, to find myself in the +glowing October woods. + +Ill? I never felt better in my life! Good, rich streams of blood coursed +through my veins, and painted a warm tint in my cheeks. At that moment I +hope I looked a trifle like Nature, who was in the height of her being; +in a sort of tropical luxuriance, like a beautiful woman at the very +summit of maturity and perfection. + +I put out my hands toward a clump of sumach--I was not cold, but its +brilliant warmth lured me as does a glowing fire. It permeated my very +being, and set my soul a-throbbing. + +There had been rain, and then warmth, and October had caught all the +prismatic colors of the drops of water, and was giving them forth with +Southern prodigality. The birds bent over the swaying daisies, and sang +soft love-notes into their great, dark eyes, while I looked on in an +ecstasy of wonder and delight--the gold of the daisies, the gold of the +sunlight, and the glow in my heart, seeming in a way all one--part and +parcel of the munificence and cheering love of the Father. It is a +glorious world, and it is glorious to live therein. The very air about +me--the air I was breathing in, seemed to palpitate color and brilliant +beauty. + +I talked to Duke about it, and he looked around him with a certain air +of admiration depicted on his noble, fond old face. Fanchon was +frivolous, as usual, and wanted to be running giddily about, hunting +rabbits and the like; but I made her sit beside me, for it seemed a +desecration every time the October silence of those woods was broken by +aught save the dropping of a ripened nut, or the whirr of a homing bird. + +It was at the close of this mellow day that I sat in my library alone, +before a hickory fire. Alone, did I say? Nay, Mrs. Simpson sat before me +in the opposite rocker. You could not have seen her, or heard her, but +she was there, and was complaining of Mr. Simpson, saying he rarely ever +invited her to go anywhere; and as she talked I recalled a certain +evening when I had been her guest--included in an invitation to attend a +spectacular entertainment given by the country club, at a spot some +distance from our homes, and I said: + +"Mrs. Simpson, I can offer you some recipes which I warrant you will +work infallibly; but they are like the recipe for determining the +interior condition of eggs, which says, put them in water; if they are +bad they will either sink or swim--I have forgotten which. Now try this +recipe I am about to give you, and it will either make Mr. Simpson +unwilling to take a step in the way of recreation without you, or it +will make him stalk forth by himself, as lonely as a crocus in early +March--I have forgotten which; but try it often enough, and you will +learn." + + + _Recipe._ + +"Fail to be ready at the appointed time, and keep him waiting until he +is either raging or sullen; cudgel or dragoon the children until their +tempers are well on edge. Then complain of the gait taken by Mr. Simpson +in order to catch the train; declare frequently when aboard that you are +tired out, and are sorry you came. After you reach the place, remark +every now and then that you don't think the entertainment amounts to +much, and that you do think it was a piece of extravagance to have +given such a price for tickets to so-inferior an exhibition. Next, +declare that you feel a draft, and are catching your 'death of cold;' +interlard all this with frequent directions to the children--admonitions +and complaints, and derogatory remarks about Mr. Simpson's appearance, +and wonder--oft-expressed and reiterated, and put in the form of +questions which you insist upon his answering, as to why he didn't wear +his other suit of clothes. Finally, wind up the whole affair, by wishing +you were in bed, and announcing your opinion that the trip didn't pay, +and you are sure it will make you and the children ill. + +"Try this faithfully, and it won't fail to accomplish something +decided." + +One more recipe. + +I was talking to Mrs. Purblind now; Mrs. Simpson had had her fill, and +gone home; and Mrs. Purblind had taken her place. + +You couldn't have seen her--but that doesn't matter. + + + _Recipe._ + +"This is for making a man love to stay at home with you, and inducing +him to be cheerful and companionable, or for making him flee your +presence as one would flee a plague-stricken city: I've forgotten which, +but you will soon discover, if you try it persistently. + +"Talk on disagreeable themes, talk persistently and ceaselessly; never +let up; the more tired he may be the more steadily you must talk, and +the more irritating your theme must be. Go to the gadfly; consider her +ways and be wise. Buzz, buzz, buzz; sting, sting, sting. + +"On his worst nights, always select his relatives for your theme; harp +upon their faults; their failures in life; their humiliations; the +unpleasant things people say of them. Then if he waxes irritable, +express surprise; remind him how he used to talk against these same +relatives, and how much trouble he gave them when he lived at home; add +that it's plain now that he has combined with his relatives against you, +and that you should be surprised if he and they didn't effect a +separation. If he is still in earshot, pass on to what he once told you, +beginning each remark with: + +"You said that---- + +"And then proceed to point out wherein and howin he has utterly failed +to make good his promises. Further, if he is still in the house, enlarge +upon the change you have noted in his conduct toward you--how devoted he +used to be, and how selfish he has become. Next, tell him how +well-dressed other women are, and how little you have on. + +"By this time, if not sooner, he will remember that he has night work +clamoring for him at the office, or that his presence at the club is +absolutely necessary, and it would be well for you to conclude your +remarks by observing that if he bangs the front door so hard every time +he goes out, he will loosen the hinges." + +"Well now," said Mrs. Purblind--the invisible Mrs. Purblind (she always +would listen to reason, which is more than could be said for the visible +creature of that name), "well now, I know well enough when I go on that +way, that it isn't best to do it; but the Evil One seems to enter me, +and I get going, and I couldn't stop unless I bit my tongue off." + +"Bite it then," I said, "and after that, jump into the lake; were you +once there, your virtues would float, and your husband would love them; +but alive, your virtues are beneath water, and your nagging is always on +top." + +"But what is one to do? Supposing all these things are true--supposing +you suffer from all these wrongs." + +"Did you ever right a wrong by setting it before your husband in this +way, and at these times?" + +"No." + +"Did you ever improve your condition?" + +"No. But what would you do?" + +"Shut up. Dip deep into silence. In the first place, when you find you +have poor material, take extra care in the cooking; study the art; use +all the skill you can acquire, and finally, if that won't do, if it +_positively_ won't--if you can't make a decent dish out of him, open the +kitchen door, and heave him into the ash-barrel, and the ash-man will +cart him away." + +I have traveled a little in my life, and have been entertained in +various households. I have seen wives who deserve crowns of laurel, to +compensate for the crown of thorns they have worn for years; but I have +seen others, who had thorns about them indeed, but they themselves were +not on the sharp end. Some of these stupid, ignorant women fancied they +were doing everything possible to make home pleasant, and wondered at +their failure. There they sat, prodding their husbands with hat-pins, +and grieved over the poor wretches' irritability. + +I recall a conversation I once overheard. The husband arrived just at +dinner time. The wife heard him come in, and called to him in a faint, +dying voice, from the top of the stairway-- + +"George, is that you?" + +The answer was spiritless. + +"Yes." + +The wife came downstairs. + +"Well, then, we can have dinner. I don't know that it's ready, though; +Bridget has had a toothache all day, and she's just good-for-nothing." + +All this in the same faded tone of voice. + +The husband passed into the parlor, and began to read the paper. + +The weary tongue of his feminine partner wagged on, in a dreary sort of +way. + +"I think these girls are so foolish; they haven't a bit of pluck. I've +been trying to persuade her to go to the dentist's and have her teeth +out, but she won't. I'm just tired to death to-night, and there's no +end to the work; Bridget has been moaning around all day--why her +teeth----" + +"Oh, bother her teeth!" + +"Why, don't you care to hear anything that goes on at home, George?" + +"I don't care to hear about teeth that go on at home; Bridget's teeth +especially. I don't care a rap for the whole set." + +"How cross you are to-night, George! when I'm so tired, too. Johnnie, +your face is dirty, go and wash it; be quick now, for it's time for +dinner. I don't know that Bridget will ever call us. She's probably +sitting out in the kitchen, nursing her teeth; why she has five roots +there, and all of them so inflamed that----" + +"Bother her roots, I say!" + +"George, you are extremely irascible, but that's the way; I get no +sympathy at all." + +"Not when you want it by the wholesale for Bridget's roots." + +"Well, what should we talk about? I don't see how we can ever have +conversation in the home, if you won't listen to anything." + +And so they went on--the tired husband, moody and irritable, and the +tired wife, loquacious about matters of no interest. I felt sorry for +her who spake, and him who heard. + +A husband worn out with the cares and worries of an unsatisfactory +business day, and a wife harrassed and fretted by overwork and petty +annoyances, could succeed in talking pleasantly together only by the use +of will-power and principle. It would require a big effort, but the +effort would pay. It would be one of the best investments a married pair +could make. The returns would be quick and large. I wonder more don't +deposit in this bank. + + + + + V + + +I had not forgotten Mr. Chance. This fact annoyed me excessively, since +I saw that he had forgotten me. A forgotten man may remember a woman, +and preserve his self-respect, if not his merriment; but when a +forgotten woman remembers a man, that is quite another thing. Not that I +was brooding over Mr. Chance--far from it; I thought very little of him, +in one way, for I frequently saw him with Miss Sprig; but in spite of +all that, I could not quite forget the impression he made upon me the +day those boys killed the gay little squirrel, and again the day the +poor mother went down into the deep, dark water with her child held +close to her agonized heart. The feeling I experienced for him on that +awful day, was unique in my history. I had never been an impressionable +girl as far as men were concerned--I was not an impressionable woman. For +me to carry the thought of a man home with me--for me to dwell upon this +thought, and above all to take pleasure in dwelling upon it, meant more +than it would have meant for some women. That was as far as the matter +had gone, but it was far enough--too far, considering his evident +indifference, and I was humiliated, for the first time in my life, over +my attitude toward a man. This mortification induced me to treat Mr. +Chance even more coldly than I should have done ordinarily, though his +trifling with Miss Sprig would have called forth some coolness of +conduct under any circumstances. + +I had abundant opportunity to express myself in this way, for Mr. +Chance's night work necessitated late rising, and I saw him to speak to +him almost every morning. Indeed, I took some pains to be in my garden +during the forenoon, and from this vantage ground I could not only see +much that took place between himself and Miss Sprig, but I also had +opportunity to speak with him as he passed my house, on his way to the +train. + +Sometimes Miss Sprig walked to the station with him. He evidently +absorbed much of her time and thought, and she evidently regarded him as +her latest victim, for she made him a common subject of talk, and her +entire acquaintance had the pleasure of hearing the foolish things he +did and said. She always represented him as deeply in love with her; I +have no doubt she really thought that he was. + +For my own part, I cared very little whether he was in love, as it is +called, or not. If he had succumbed to such a shallow-pated, bold, +common girl, I felt contempt for him, and this contempt was deepened +when I realized that he might be trifling with her. In any event it +mortified and angered me to think he had been seen with me; (he had +often called upon me and we had been out together several times), and +that the old neighborhood gossips had coupled our names. Now it would be +reported that Miss Sprig had cut me out; if I was pleasant toward him, +they would wag their foolish old heads, and whisper about my efforts to +win him back; if I was cool, they would shake these same empty pates, +and prattle about my wounded affections. It was one of those cases where +you can't possibly do the right thing--I mean the thing that will silence +the clacking tongue: consequently, as luck would have it, I plunged into +the worst possible course I could have taken, for when Mrs. Catlin, who +lived catacorner from me, and who watched me as a cat watches a mouse, +said something one day about Mr. Chance's feeling bound to pay attention +to Mr. Purblind's cousin, as long as she was visiting there, and that +she knew such a girl wasn't to his taste, and she was sure he would +come to his senses soon, I was so angry that I lost control of my +temper, and all control of my wits, and blazed out with: + +"It's none of my business or concern whom he pays attention to, and for +my part I think they're well mated." + +Whereupon, realizing I had made a perfect fool of myself, and that this +speech of mine would go the rounds of the suburb, and I could never +erase it from the village mind--not if I lived a hundred sensible years, +I had much ado to withhold myself from seizing a pot of bachelors' +buttons that stood near, and breaking the whole thing over Mrs. Catlin's +idiotic skull. + +It was on top of this pleasant interview with Mrs. Catlin, that Mr. +Chance came over, and asked me to attend a concert that evening with +himself and Miss Sprig, and he very narrowly avoided receiving the +bachelors' buttons that Mrs. Catlin had but just escaped. + +I strode indoors, and began packing some of my effects, for I was +resolved to move that day, or the next. Not because I had discovered I +had such fools for neighbors--I had always known that--but because I had +just discovered that they had a fool for a neighbor. + +Worldly considerations prevailed with me, and I took out the Penates +that I had slammed into a trunk, mended their broken noses, and set them +in place once more; but I hid myself away for several days, much as +Moses was hidden, but for a less dignified reason. + +After a time, I cooled off, and decided to accept the world as it stood, +and not to rage because the millennium did not come before I was fitted +to enjoy it. + +Mrs. Purblind ran over one afternoon, and I could see that she was far +from happy. I had noticed for some weeks various changes in the +direction of improvement, in her care of her husband and household. I +had also noticed that Mr. Purblind's conduct did not keep pace with +these improvements, but I fancied Mrs. Purblind was not sharp enough to +see or sensitive enough to care. In this it seems I erred, as I have in +one, or perhaps two, other directions during my life. + +As Mrs. Purblind, for the first time since I have known her, didn't seem +to care to talk, I took up a book at random, and began reading aloud. As +luck would have it, I stumbled into some passages descriptive of the +ideal home, and before I could stumble out again, the poor woman burst +into tears. I suppose that tender little sentence served as the key that +unlocked the floodgates. As soon as her grief had spent itself, she +apologized, and ascribed her tears to bad news in a letter or something, +and shortly afterward left. I watched her walking down the street, until +my eyes were too dim to see her. It grieved me sorely that the cause of +her sorrow was so deep, and so delicate that I could not offer her my +sympathy. Her tears were piteous to me, and I wanted to take her to my +heart, and tell her how sorry I was for her; but to do that would have +been to take advantage of her moment of weakness, and that I could +not--must not do. So I let her go from me with merely a few commonplace +expressions of regret that she had received disturbing news, while all +the time my heart was aching in unison with hers, and I kept her with me +in thought, all day. + +I went down to the lake directly after dinner; several things were +troubling me, and I wanted to lay my puzzled head on Mother Nature's +bosom. + +My run down the steep sides of the bluff set the blood to coursing +smartly through my veins, and a new and more cheerful stream of thought +to flowing. + +I was tired that night, and it was a luxury to lie flat upon my back on +the beach, listening to the rhythmical thud of the big, long wave at my +feet, and the song of the stars overhead. There is something unspeakably +tranquillizing in the studded dome of heaven; there is also something +unspeakably sad. It bends over the struggling, yearning, aching human +heart, as a mother, who has attained that peace which is the outgrowth +of suffering, bends over the passion, the sobbing, and the despair of +her child. + +"Hush, hush, it is all for the best." + +"I cannot--will not bear it!" + +"Hush, you know not what you say. God's hand is in it all." + +"There is no God in this, or if there is, He hates me!" + +"Ah, my child, He loves you with unutterable love, and pities with +unutterable pity. Yet a little while, and the day shall shine upon you; +then you will know--a little while." + +I turned from the great vault above me, and looked out upon the restive +waters, and as I turned I saw a shadowy Mrs. Purblind sitting beside me +on the beach, and questioning with sad eyes and heart, the stars that +bent to listen. + +"I have tried," she said; her face, usually so thoughtless, +tear-stained, and quivering. + +"Yes, I know you have tried," I answered; "I have seen that!" + +"But he is just the same." + +"Yes, and will be for a long time, and you will have to go on trying for +years, if you want to carry him back to the old days," I said. + +"That's one of the hardest things in all the world!" she cried +passionately, "if we stop doing right--the right stops with us, but if we +stop doing wrong and begin to do right, the wrong goes on." + +"Not for always," I said, looking up to the stars. + +"Oh, for so long!" + +The great dome rich with gems, and deep with peace, bent over her, and +by and by her sobs ceased. + +"You are trying, I know," I reiterated, "but you don't understand--you +can't, for you have only a woman's nature." + +"What should I have, pray?" + +"A woman's, and a man's, and a child's, to be a perfect wife and mother; +that is, you must be able to comprehend them all. Your husband came home +cross to-night." + +"Yes, irritable toward us all, and I so hoped to have everything +pleasant this evening." + +"He, too, had his hopes to-day, and they were flung to the ground, and +broken before his eyes." + +"What do you mean?" + +"The special agent of a company that he has for a year been working to +get, has been in town." + +"Yes, I know." + +"Yesterday this agent led him to suppose he was to be the favored one. +All to-day he has been working toward that end, and near night he heard +that this man had gone, without even saying good-by. You remember that +Mr. Purblind left home in a hurry this morning, with scarcely a bite of +breakfast; he took very little luncheon, and----" + +"Well, we had dinner at the usual time, if he'd said he was hungry, I'd +have hurried it." + +"He was not hungry--he was much more than that. Did you ever see a vessel +whose fuel is well-nigh exhausted drag herself into port? What is the +first thing to be done?" + +"I don't know--replenish her?" + +"Yes, put coal on board. Now when I saw your husband walk up to his +front door, I said to myself, he needs coaling. A good home should be a +good coaling station; remember that." + +"But what of me?" she asked with some impatience, "I, too, have my +worries and exertions--do I never need coaling?" + +"Frequently," I answered. + +"Well, who is to coal me, I should like to know?" + +"Yourself." + +"That's rather one-sided, I think. Why shouldn't my husband look to +that?" + +"My dear," I said earnestly, "I never knew but one man who saw when his +wife needed coaling, and attended to her wants. When he died (for the +gods loved him), it was found that his shoulder-blades were abnormally +large--at least so the doctors said, but I knew all the time that his +wings had budded." + +"Well, this life is too much for me," murmured Mrs. Purblind drearily. + +"Then don't attempt the next." + +"I shan't, if I can help it, and yet I'm like to soon, for Mr. +Purblind's mother is coming on a visit to us, and I know she'll worry +the breath out of me." + +"Don't let her." + +"How can I help it?" + +"By keeping the peace with her." + +"Oh, I've tried that before; I've done everything I could for her, and +deferred to her, and ignored myself until I seemed to fade out of +existence, but it didn't work." + +"Oh, yes, it did, for it made her ten times as troublesome as before." + +"It certainly did, but what do you mean?" + +"I mean that a mother-in-law is like a child, in that she is spoiled by +having her own way." + +"But what can I do?" + +"Walk calmly on, doing the best you can, but recognizing your own +authority and dignity, and finally she will come to recognize it. Be +mistress of your own household, and director of your own children--all +this quietly and pleasantly, but without wavering, and in the end she +will respect and probably admire you, though she will never think you do +just right, or are just the woman who ought to have married her son." + +"But I've always been in hopes of making her love me as she loves her +own daughter." + +"That is what every romantic woman starts out with, but by and by, in +the storm and stress of domestic life, that ideal is cast overboard, as +a struggling ship throws its extra cargo over the rail." + +"Why is it, I wonder, a man never fights with his father-in-law. Men +are said to be naturally pugnacious." + +"That's a mistake, my dear; a man would go several miles any day to +avoid a fuss; it is we women who delight in scraps. A man occasionally +has a little set-to with the girl's father, before he gains his consent +to the engagement, but once he's married, it's the old lady he has to +train for, or I should say who trains for him, because as a general +thing it is she who gives battle, not he. The real conflict, however, +takes place between the two women--the wife and her mother-in-law. If you +want to see 'de fur fly,' as the darkies say, you must always come over +to the feminine side of the house. Then you'll have your fill of +explanations, expostulations, and recriminations." + +"Well, certainly I never had any trouble with my father-in-law." + +"Trouble! Do you know what I'd do, if I had a troublesome +father-in-law?" + +"No--murder him?" + +"Murder him, indeed! Woman, have you no mercantile instinct? That would +be like killing the goose that lays the golden egg. Why, the first +showman would take the old gentleman off my hands, and pay me a handsome +price for him. You must know that a troublesome father-in-law is so rare +that the public would flock to see him. But you couldn't get anything +for a troublesome mother-in-law. There are too many families trying to +get rid of them, at any price. The sale of parents-in-law is governed by +the same laws as other commodities, and these interfering, +mischief-making mothers-in-law have become a drug in the market." + +"Well, there is Mrs. Earnest, her mother-in-law is a jewel." + +"Ah, now you mention a most valuable piece of property, for a woman like +that--who models her conduct on the pattern of Aunt Betsey Trotwood, in +David Copperfield's household, is a jewel of such magnitude and +brilliancy, that she will some day be seen sparkling in Abraham's bosom, +from a distance of millions of miles." + +"Well, how would you cook mothers-in-law?" + +"Make a delicious dish of your husband and then take a pinch--a good +pinch--of mother-in-law, and throw her in as 'sass.' Speaking of this, +remember that too many cooks spoil the broth, and wife and mother-in-law +combined generally make a pretty mess of the husband." + + + + + VI + + +I was feeling a trifle dull and heavy one afternoon, and after several +vain efforts to do good work, decided that a vigorous tramp would set my +blood to flowing, and the wheels of my thinking mill to revolving. So +out I started toward the lake, as usual. There had been a storm off the +Michigan shore, and we were just beginning to get evidence of it, in the +big waves that were tumbling on the beach, I like the lake in this +mood--in any mood, indeed, but especially when it is rough and wild. + +After quite a brisk tramp along, or near the beach, I turned back; but +before going home again, I wished to come in closer contact with the +tumultuous waters. At risk of being wet by the spray, which the waves +were tossing on high, much as an excited horse tosses the foam from his +chafing mouth, I climbed around the little bathing house, set on the +shore end of the pier, and then boldly walked out, and took my seat in +the midst of the tumult. + +The passion of the lake was magnificent; far out--as far as eye could +stretch--there were oncoming waves; the clan was gathering, and all in +battle array. What an overwhelming charge they made! Surely no one could +resist that onslaught. There was no deliberation, as was usual with a +moderately heavy sea; no calm, inevitable heaving of the water; no +steady rising, ever higher and higher, until it crested, curved, and +fell with a boom. There was nothing of this to-day; no preparation; +everything was ready; the warriors, armed and mounted, were already +making the attack. + +For a time I gloried in it all; even the anger of the waves was more +admirable than terrific in my sight. It seemed as though they +interpreted my boldness as defiance, and accepted the challenge. From +near, from far, they were coming, and all upon me, or if that is taking +too much to myself, they were making their attack upon the shore, +meaning to claim it for their own, and incidentally to sweep me, a poor, +insignificant atom, from their sight. + +By and by I found myself oppressed with the desolation of the scene. As +the day waned, and the chill that foreshadows night fell upon me, or +rather rose upon me, from the cold waters, I began to feel lonely and +unprotected. The waves looked so hungry, so cruel; they reached out and +up toward me; they encircled with the inevitable, as with a relentless +fate. I began to be afraid of them, and I rose to go back to shore. + +Unlike the ocean, the lake is fixed; but that day the increase of the +waves, in height and fury, had the effect of a rising tide. I realized +that it would be very difficult for me to get off the pier alone, and I +was more than relieved to see Randolph Chance, who had come down for a +look at the lake before taking his train to the city. He joined me +without trouble; a man can perform those feats so easily, whereas a +woman is physically hampered. + +"You're in rather a bleak place, Miss Leigh," he said. + +"Yes, I have just begun to realize that." + +"Oh, well, we'll manage to get off safely; but you mustn't mind a little +wetting. Just give yourself to me, and we'll be on shore in a minute." + +I gladly did as he bade me; it was luxury just then to have some one as +strong and capable as he take the reins. He led me around the bathing +house, and then lifted me from the pier. As he set me safely on the +shore, his eyes met mine, and his look was a revelation to me. I was, +for a moment, too startled to think, and the strangest sensation I ever +experienced crept over me. If a look could speak, Randolph Chance--but I +did not put it into words--not then, at least, but it was all very +strange to me--most inexplicable. + +We walked on quietly, both, I dare say, feeling our silence to be a +trifle awkward. It was for this reason that I decided to shorten the +time of our being together, by stopping at the house of a friend. The +wetting I had received from the waves did not amount to anything for one +so hardy as myself, so I was not deterred on that account. + +The house where I stopped was a pleasant resort for me. Both Mr. and +Mrs. Bachelor were interesting people. I had known Mr. Bachelor for +fifteen years. He had once been one of our young men, as the saying is, +young merely in the sense of being single, not in actual years, for at +the time I met him he was nearer the forty than the thirty line. Nature +seemed to have marked him for single--cussedness, I had almost said, +from the first. He was no favorite with any set, being grumpy, fussy, +and peculiar. But five years after he rose into sight above my horizon +he married a most sensible, lovely woman; not a child, by the way, for +she was almost forty; and in less than no time, it seemed to us, had a +family of four children about him, one following the other so closely +that the predecessor was all but overtaken. At first we said among +ourselves that he must have borrowed these infants, and stuck them up in +his home for appearance's sake, in some such manner as the proprietor of +a summer hotel once stuck a number of trees in his grounds, to make a +sandy, barren spot seem fertile and enticing. But by and by we became +convinced that these little human shoots were his very own, not alone +because they evinced some disagreeable crotchets similar to his, but +also because of the love he bore them, and the change they wrought in +his character and life. Even around court the man was regarded +differently; warmth and esteem being extended him now in place of the +dislike he had formerly aroused. He had never ceased to be a study to +me, and a certain flavor of romance hung about his home--a delightful +flavor, that made it an attractive visiting spot. So it was with +considerable pleasure that I called upon this particular day. + +I was shown into the parlor--a comfortable room, back of which was a most +home-like apartment, called the study. As I sat there, awaiting Mrs. +Bachelor's coming, I noticed that her husband's desk, which stood in the +center of the study, was strewn with dolls, and paraphernalia closely +related thereto. My observations were interrupted by the entrance of +Mrs. Bachelor, who welcomed me in her cordial, cheery way. A minute +later Mr. Bachelor came in, and gave me what was for him, a most +friendly greeting. He excused himself in a little while, and went into +his study. He had, so his wife explained, been ill with a cold for a +day or two, and had been working at home the while, to make ready for +the approaching trial of an important case. + +Upon his entering the study, a scene occurred which I shall endeavor to +give you as near to the life as possible. As a matter of course he +steered directly for his desk, and his eye immediately fell upon a +quantity of grandchildren, variously disposed thereon. + +"Well, I declare!" he exclaimed; "if this isn't outrageous!" and he +gathered up the whole crop--there were fully a dozen dolls, in all stages +of development, and much doll furniture, and toggery of all kinds. + +After dumping the obnoxious elements on to a divan, he returned to his +desk, and with much grumbling sorted out his law-papers, and went to +work. But soon after he had cleared his visage, as it were, his small +daughter--a pretty child, four years old--ran into the room hugging two +puggy puppies, and two kittens of tender age. It did not take her long +to grasp the situation. Running to the divan, she uttered a series of +cries, indicative both of alarm and displeasure. + +"What--what--what is the matter?" said Mr. Bachelor, who had probably +forgotten his offense by this time. + +"You naughty papa!" cried the child; "what did you disturve my dollies +for?" + +"What did you put them on my desk for?" queried her father indignantly; +"the idea! I haven't a spot on earth I can call my own." + +"You've just mussed their best frocks all up," continued the child, who, +without paying the slightest attention to her father's vigorous protest, +was rapidly replacing her family, puppies, kittens, and all, on the +desk. + +"I tell you I can't have them here! I have important papers around, and +I must be allowed to work in peace. Take them off!" + +He started to sweep them on to the floor, but the little girl uttered a +shriek. + +"Papa, papa, don't," she screamed. Then, as he desisted, she added, +"They've just _dot_ to be here--it's the bestest, highest table, and the +little doggies and kitties can't jump off, and I'm doing to have a +tea-party with Mamie Williams. You must put your nasty old papers +somewhere else." + +"This is an outrage!" he exclaimed, standing up and declaiming as if he +were in court; "this is imposition run riot; it has reached a climax, +and I'll endure it no longer. Evidently I have no rights that even the +smallest and youngest in the household is bound to respect. It is a +notorious fact that I am ruled with a rod of iron, and that even this +baby of the family flouts me. I say I will stand it no longer. I have +been held with a tight rein, and a curb bit, but I will turn at last." + +In his excitement, his metaphors became confused, horses and worms +being all mixed up in a heap. + +"Take the desk, take the whole of it, and to-morrow I shall leave the +house! I shall go back to my bachelor quarters, where I once lived in +peace." + +The child regarded him seriously, from out her great, brown eyes. + +"Don't go away, papa," she said at last, "you may have a little of your +desk, if you won't take too much. I didn't mean to be cross at you," she +added, with a pathetic quiver of her lip. + +"Well, well!" exclaimed the father hastily, "there, there!" and he laid +his hand softly on her curly little head, "I guess we'll get on somehow; +if I can have a part of the desk, that'll answer. It's big enough for +two, I guess." + +And he began moving his papers around. + +"Not there, papa," said the little tyrant; "no, that's the sunny side, +and little bowwow must be there, 'cause he's dot the badest cold, and +the kitties haven't dot but little weeny eyes yet, and they _must_ be +where it's most lightest." + +"Well, well, well, where _may_ I sit? I must get to work." + +"You may sit right there, and you mustn't fiddet, 'cause you'll upset +dolly's crib, if you do." + +Soon he was safely bestowed, off on one side, and as he obediently kept +to his limitations, all proceeded happily. + +During this domestic scrimmage, Mrs. Bachelor went on chatting in her +lively, pleasant fashion with me, never betraying, in any way, that she +overheard the scene in the study. I was so occupied with it, that I +could pay no heed to her remarks; but she was a wise woman, and knew +that her husband was being cooked to a delicious turn, and that any +interference on her part, would spoil the dish. I have since learned +that occasionally, when she sees that the fire is really too hot for +him, she comes to his rescue. + +"If he sputters and fizzes, don't be anxious; some husbands do this +till they are quite done." + +Evidently Mrs. Bachelor has studied her cook-book. + + + + + VII + + +The little touch of sentiment that flashed, as it were, from Randolph +Chance as he lifted me off the pier, was presently blotted, as far as +effect upon me was concerned, by the return of Miss Sprig to the +Purblind household, and the renewal of his attentions to her. At least I +regarded them as renewed, and I coldly turned my back upon him, and let +him go his way, without further thought or speculation. + +I was daily becoming more interested in another acquaintance--Mr. +Gregory, a man of years, whom I had known for some time. He had been a +visitor at our house when my parents were living, and had, from time to +time, shown me friendly attentions since their death. He frequently +invited me to places of entertainment, something Randolph Chance seldom +did, and in many ways contributed to my comfort and happiness. Single +women are very dependent upon their men friends for pleasures of this +sort; few of them care to go out at night alone, and even when they go +in company with each other, the occasion lacks a zest which belongs to +it when a woman has an escort. It is strange that many men--many of those +who believe in the dependence of women, fall into the selfish habit of +going alone to theater, concert, and lecture, and so force the women of +their acquaintance into a position which their sentiments would seem to +deprecate. + +While in no way obtrusive, or gushing in his attentions, Mr. Gregory was +most thoughtful and kind, and few women are without appreciation of +conduct of this type. + +Life flowed on with me with a quiet current. I was not a woman to make +scenes with myself or others, and my circumstances were such as to +permit of an undisturbed tenor of way. + +One bright afternoon, just as I returned from a long walk, Mrs. Purblind +ran over to see me, and soon afterward, Mrs. Cynic dropped in. I never +could bear this latter woman; something malevolent seems to emanate from +her; something that is more or less unhealthful to the moral nature of +all who come in contact with it, just as the miasma from a swamp is +poisonous to the physical being. + +It chanced that I had just finished writing a little story, drawn from +the life-page of my domestic experience; it was so endeared to my memory +that I was not like to forget it, and yet, in the course of years, its +outlines would probably fade a trifle if I did not take care to preserve +their distinctness; for that reason I had written it out. + +I ought to have had better sense than to read anything of this kind to +Mrs. Cynic. In the presence of such people, that which is fresh, +beautiful, and holy withers, as a cluster of dewy wild flowers is +parched and killed by the hot, sterile breath of a furnace. + +Usually I have some judgment in such matters, but that day all +discretion seemed to take wings. + +A remark of Mrs. Purblind's led up to the subject. This little woman can +say ugly things at times, but they are stung out of her, as it were, by +some particular hurt, and are not the expression of her real nature. She +has a kind, good heart, though her judgment and tact are somewhat +lacking. + +We happened to be speaking of men, and something was said about their +capacity for devotion, when Mrs. Purblind exclaimed: + +"Devotion! the masculine nature doesn't know the meaning of the word, +unless it is devotion to self." + +"I must read you a little story I've written to-day. It's a true one, +remember--I think I shall call it, 'Devotion'." + +I went to my desk, took out the manuscript, and read as follows: + +"A few years ago I owned a pair of foxhounds. Duke was the gentleman of +the family, and Lady was his consort, and a lady she was indeed. I can +hardly imagine a human creature of greater intelligence and refinement +than this dumb beast. The attachment between herself and Duke was unique +in its strength, and in its demonstration. He was fully as noble and as +intelligent as she, but of a less lively, cheerful temperament. The +arrival of six little Dukes was an occasion of anxiety and excitement +for us all, and we were much relieved when the event was safely over, +and we saw Lady and her beautiful family established in peace and +comfort. Matters had run smoothly for about four or five weeks, when one +day I was startled by a series of sharp yelps, which I knew came from +Lady. I ran to the window, and saw the poor creature rolling in the +middle of the street, in the greatest pain. By her side was Duke, and +his outcries mingled with hers. The hard-hearted teamster, whose wagon +had done the mischief, had driven off, but I ran to the rescue, and +finally got her into the stable, where her little ones were awaiting +her. She only lived a few hours, and her last act was an effort to nurse +her clamorous doggies, while with her great, sad eyes she seemed to say +good-by to Duke! The grief of this noble fellow was so great that we +thought he would go mad. For a time he refused to let us come near her. +He stood over her, licking her senseless form, pushing her gently once +in a while with his head and paws, and then uttering lamentable cries +when he saw that she did not move, or in any way respond; and meanwhile +the tiny dogs were crawling over her, and mingling their voices with +their father's deep notes of distress. It was a most pitiable sight, +and we all breathed a sigh of relief when the dear old fellow permitted +us to lead him off into the house, and we had an opportunity to dispose +of poor Lady. I'll not try to tell of Duke's excitement and distress +when he missed her; of his frantic search all over the place, and of how +we followed him about, and talked to him, and tried to divert him; or +how we all--Duke, and the rest of us, finally sat down in the stable, +beside the motherless little family, and wept together. + +"The morning after Lady died, I went out to the stable with a cup of +warm milk. I had not been able to do anything with the puggy little dogs +the evening before, but I thought that their sharp hunger, after several +hours of abstinence, would lead them to make an effort to drink. I +carried a spoon with me, also a rag to suck, and a bottle, with a +nipple--all kinds of appliances, in fact. + +"What was my surprise upon entering the stable, to find Duke occupying +Lady's place. He was evidently trying to answer the small dogs' +clamorous demand for breakfast, and it was also plain that his failure +in this respect amazed and bewildered him. He lay down just as he had +seen Lady do, and when this did not suffice he tried another position; +failing again, he withdrew a few paces, and sat for a moment in an +attitude of profound thought; returning soon, and trying another device. +This resulting unfavorably, he made still another, and then another +attempt, and finally, grieved to the heart, and worried by the hungry +cries of the small dogs, he withdrew once more, and lifting his nose +high in air, deliberately yowled. + +"At this point I obtruded myself upon the scene and went up to the dear +old dog, took his distressed head in my arms, and talked to him. I +explained to him the difficulty of the situation; how, owing to +circumstances quite beyond his control, he could not take Lady's place. +I urged upon him that he must yield gracefully to his limitations; +showed him my appliances, and then when I had soothed and interested +him, and he had consented to desist, and let me try, I made my essay. + +"It was a study for an artist--my appealing, pitying, impatient, scolding +efforts to induce those unreasonable little creatures to accept a rag, +or a bottle in place of a mother. I shouldn't have cared so much, that +is, I could have taken longer without minding it, had it not been for +Duke. His anxiety was so great, and his distress over their cries so +keen, that I was quite unnerved, and as is often the case, I showed my +concern by scolding and abusing the objects in whose behalf I was +exerting myself. + +"I was all but ready to give up, when one of the smallest and liveliest +of the puppies (a feminine creature, of course) suddenly seized upon the +nipple of the bottle with a lusty grip, and sucked away till she was all +but strangled with milk. Her example was speedily followed by the +others, but before I had gone the rounds Duke comprehended that our +trials were ended, and then--well, the dignified, sad-faced old doggie +took leave of his wits, temporarily, as well as his dignity. He capered, +he rolled on the ground, he barked, he bayed, he played leap-frog over +my head, did everything but stand on end, and very nearly that, in his +joy. + +"From that time on he never failed to be present when his infants were +fed, and when I weaned them, and taught them to drink, he was an +interested spectator; helpful too, for one time when a small dog was +obdurate, he took him by the nape of the neck, and shook him thoroughly, +before turning him over to me for another trial. On another occasion, +the pig of the family drank too deep, as it were, from the flowing bowl, +and might have been drowned had it not been for his watchful parent. +Duke noticed that the small fore-quarters were plunged into the liquid +dinner; he also observed that the hind quarters were slowly rising in +midair. He watched all this, with his accustomed, kindly gravity, until +the equilibrium was lost, and Master Pup plunged into the pearly sea. +Then the startled father leaped to his feet, snatched his offspring from +a milky grave, and laid him, sneezing and choking, sadder and wiser, on +the sunny grass-plat to dry. + +"In due time Duke recovered, in a measure, from his grief over Lady's +death, and took unto himself another partner. As is usual in the case of +widowers, his second choice was injudicious, for Fanchon was a giddy, +young thing, that didn't have sense enough to come in out of the rain. + +"But Duke saw no defects; he was all tenderness and attention. + +"It was early winter, but the weather was intensely cold, and we had +taken Duke and Fanchon in from the stable, and had housed them +comfortably in the cellar. + +"One night I was wakened out of a sound sleep by cries of distress. I +called my sister and her husband, who were visiting me, and in various +costumes, all hands went below. Fanchon was running about, crying and +moaning, and Duke was alternately making frantic efforts to soothe her, +and kiyiying in a manner that was fearful to hear. We succeeded at last +in getting Fanchon to heed us, and coaxed her to settle down in a +comfortable bed we made for her on the far side of the cellar, where she +would have the benefit of the warmth from the furnace, and would be out +of the way of the cold air which came in through a window, broken the +day before. + +"As soon as she was pacified, Duke was again happy, and he cheerfully +lay down to rest. We retired to our rooms, and being very weary, with +much sightseeing during the day, dropped into a sound sleep. The next +morning I hurried down into the cellar, wondering whether I should see +two dogs, or a dozen. To my surprise and dismay, I saw none at all. The +cellar was silent and deserted. I opened the outer door, and with a +failing heart, stepped into the clear, bitter cold of a temperature +something like fifteen degrees below zero. Just around the corner of the +house, in a nook slightly sheltered from the biting air, I came upon the +family. Fanchon lay upon the ground, the snow carefully pushed up around +her, and her clinging little ones, who were taking their breakfast. Over +all--Fanchon and her puppies--covering them with his faithful +body--shielding them with his never-failing love and devotion, was my +noble hound--as noble, as faithful a dog, as ever man or woman loved. I +called to him, and rubbed him, but all in vain, and meanwhile stupid, +silly Fanchon, that had foolishly left her warm bed in the cellar, +looked on with cheerful indifference, and wagged her tail." + +"Well," said Mrs. Cynic, when I had concluded the reading, "that story +seems to me to prove but one thing." + +"And what is that, pray?" I asked, realizing I had been foolish to read +such a tale to such an auditor. + +"Why, the truth of Madame de Stael's remark: 'The more I see of men, the +more I admire dogs.'" + +That hateful woman! She always leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I +know she springs from some corrupt ancestry. She has all the marks of +inward decay upon her. + +When she had gone, Mrs. Purblind and I breathed more freely. + +"She doesn't believe in anything good," said Mrs. Purblind. + +"No," I answered in a tone of disgust, "she has nothing within her to +answer to it." + +"How different she is from Mrs. Earnest," continued Mrs. Purblind; "why, +you can hardly convince that woman that anyone is really mean, and +goodness knows she has trouble enough to make her bitter. What a husband +she's got! That man makes me so mad! He's ugly from sheer badness." + +I thought for a moment, and then I assented. I really do believe that +man is ugly without cause. He and his wife live at some distance from +us, and I've often visited them. I should like to give you a scene to +which I was witness one evening when I was a trifle ill, and lay on a +divan just out of their dining room. + +Mrs. Earnest is like a delicate flower that lifts its pretty face and +smiles in the sunlight of love, but is bowed and broken 'neath the +thunder-cloud and storm. She longs to make her home attractive, but her +husband has no sympathy with this desire; to him home is merely the +place where he finds food and lodging, and a safety valve for such moods +and tempers as he is obliged to keep under control in the business +world. + +The efforts that this poor little wife makes, in her timid way, to start +up pleasant subjects of conversation would move a rock to tears. + +This is the scene, as I recall it--a specimen scene. + +The family--husband, wife, and three little children were at dinner, as I +said. + +"What's been happening to-day? anything of interest?" asked the little +wife. + +"Not that I know of," was the gruff reply. + +Silence, broken by the occasional sound of eating implements, ensued. + +"Pass the bread, will you?" he said in a short tone, directly. + +"See how you like this bread; we are trying the entire wheat flour. I +think it's very nice tasting, and they claim it's rich in nutrition. +It's warranted to make blood, bone, and muscle--brain, too, I believe. +I'm going to eat several pounds a day; I may astonish the world yet." + +This feeble joke was received in stolid silence, and the poor little +wife crept into her shell. + +After a time she peeped out again, and made another effort. + +"I went to the womans' club this afternoon; Mrs. Pierson invited me. +They had a very interesting meeting; they brought up the subject of +smoke consumers. I never realized before how much property is ruined +yearly by the smoke. It does seem as if manufacturers ought to use +consumers." + +At this point Bruin openly yawned, and the little wife again retired. +But with astonishing elasticity of courage she issued from her shell +once more, this time with the hope that a more masculine theme would +meet with some response. + +"They brought a petition around here to-day for us to sign. It seems +there is some talk of flooring the reservoir and using it as a beer +garden this coming summer, and the neighborhood has been called upon to +protest against it." + +"I know all about that," he growled. + +"Have you signed it?" + +"I have." + +Again silence fell as a wet cloak upon them, and the little woman sat +there racking her brains, almost depleted by this time, for the +atmosphere which such a man as that creates is warranted to dry up all +the intellectual juices. + +One more despairing effort. The children had now left the table, so +anecdotes of them were in order. Probably the poor little wife thought +that this man could be wakened into attention by a story about one of +his children. + +"Mamie asked me where cats went to when they died. 'They don't go +anywhere,' I said; 'when they die, that's the end of them.' + +"'Do they turn to dust?' she asked. + +"'Yes, just turn to dust,' I said. + +"'Why, then,' she exclaimed, and her eyes grew as big as saucers, 'when +horses run 'long the streets, are they kicking up cats?'" + +All the man said was, "Umph," and the little wife's peal of merry +laughter was checked, and the ha ha's grew fainter and spread farther +and farther apart, until they died away altogether, and I felt like +charging upon that burly, surly demon, and butting him out of the +window. + +"How would you serve such a man, if you were his wife?" asked Mrs. +Purblind. + +"_Roasted!_" + + + + + VIII + + +Mr. Gregory's attentions had become an accepted fact in my life. They +were dignified and steadfast, and I received them with a certain calm +pleasure. They had not, as yet, reached the point of declaration, but it +was clear to me, and to everyone else, who knew anything about the +matter, that they were tending thither, and my own thought had reached +the point of acceptance. I had the greatest respect for him as a man; we +were congenial in our tastes, and personally agreeable to one another. +The position he had to offer me was a most dignified, desirable one, as +he was not only a man of sterling integrity, but also a man of wealth; +there was, in short, everything in favor of the alliance, and I looked +upon it quietly, but with a sense of substantial, and steadfast comfort. + +Such an event as a marriage cannot even in prospect, face a thoughtful +woman without making a great change in her life. Mr. Gregory was that +type of man who ought not to be allowed to offer himself in a direction +where there was no intention of acceptance, for his character and age--he +was fifty or more--forbade all thought of lightness or trifling, and gave +one the assurance that any marked attention he might show, was +significant. My acquaintance with him had extended over several years, +and during this period there had been abundant opportunity, on both +sides, for study of character. + +In a quiet way, I had been arranging my affairs, preparatory to my +expected change in manner of life. I had, as a matter of course, done +considerable thinking during this time. I had experienced none of the +rapture always associated with a romantic attachment, but I was quietly +happy, and this condition was a far more natural one for me, with my +cool, matter-of-fact temperament--a far more promising one, in respect to +future enjoyment, I felt, than something more ecstatic. + +I had seen but little of Mr. Chance for some weeks. He had called +several times, but on each of these occasions, we had passed a somewhat +constrained, and I thought, a rather dull evening. Just why this +constraint should have crept into our intercourse when we seemed to be +coming to a better understanding than heretofore, and were beginning to +enjoy a warmer degree of friendship than we had known, I could not +understand; but its presence was undeniable, and it spoiled everything +for me, as far as he was concerned, causing me to look upon his calls in +the light of a bore, rather than as a pleasure, as I once had done. +Occasionally a memory of that evening when he came to my rescue, as the +hungry, cruel waves gathered like wolves about me, would flit across my +mind, as a shadow may flit across a sunlit hill. Once in a long while I +found myself dwelling upon the look he gave me that night, and this, and +the memory of his touch, as he lifted me off the pier, would dim the +sunshine of my cheerfulness. I could not have explained this to myself, +and I never dwelt upon the thought; whether from disinclination, or from +fear, I could not tell. I only knew that I always turned from it +abruptly, and passed on to my plans affecting my life with Mr. Gregory. +It was quite easy to plan in this direction, for there was nothing +uncertain, as there might have been in the case of a younger man. Mr. +Gregory was fixed in his tastes, and way of life; I, too, at my age, had +formed settled habits, and this he knew; but, fortunately, in most +directions, we were in harmony, and where we were not, we had fallen +into a way of making certain concessions. + +So I had matters pretty well laid out; all my theories, born of years +of close observation of affairs domestic, were now brought to bear on my +own future. Secretly I esteemed myself a competent cook, when a husband +was the dish under discussion. Mr. Gregory was not one to require any +very complicated wisdom in the culinary art. A little gentle stewing; no +strong seasoning; no violent changes or methods of any sort; but +regularity, evenness; quiet affection; respect; comfort, and general +conformance to taste and nature would be necessary, and I felt myself +fully equal to it all. + +Matters had well-nigh culminated, for I had received a note from Mr. +Gregory asking when I would be at home to him, and saying that he had a +matter of great moment to both of us, to lay before me. I set an +evening, and then awaited his coming without the slightest quickening of +my pulse, but with a serenity and cheerfulness that appealed to my +common sense as the surest forecast of happiness. + +Just at this juncture, a swift turn of the wind-cock, or some +imprudence of diet, resulted in my taking cold--a most unusual procedure +for me, and at the time of Mr. Gregory's call I was unable to see him, +being confined to my bed, in the care of a doctor, who was fighting a +case of threatened pneumonia. + +Mr. Gregory expressed his sincere regret, and the next day called again, +and left flowers. These attentions were repeated daily, and soon after +hearing of my improvement, he wrote me a letter in which he said that +which he had intended to say on the evening of the day I fell ill. He +did not request a reply; in fact, he asked me to withhold my answer +until I should be able to see him in person. It would have been wiser, +perhaps, he said, to have postponed any word on the subject until I had +recovered, but he had found it difficult to delay the expression of his +feeling toward me, and hence had written. + +This last rather surprised me, for Mr. Gregory had always seemed so +unlikely to be swayed by impulse, or carried, in the slightest degree, +beyond a point indicated by his judgment. It simply went to prove that +the most regularly and smoothly laid-out man, if one may so express it, +has unsuspected crooks and turns. + +I had no desire to answer the letter, being perfectly able and willing +to wait until I should see him. In fact, instead of hastening the time +for my acceptance, I rather delayed it, for I reached a point in my +convalescence, when I was able to go down to the parlor, had I so +wished, and still did not. + +Each day of my illness, a lovely bouquet of flowers had been left at my +door. They came direct from the greenhouse, and were left without card, +or sign of the giver. I had an eccentric little friend who was quite +devoted to me, and was fond of keeping her left hand in darkest +ignorance of the performances of its counterpart--the right hand--and I +attributed this delicate and beautiful token of sympathy and affection +to her; but, for some inexplicable reason, every morning when the +flowers were brought to my room, and I took them in my hand, a strange +feeling came over me--a feeling I had never had toward my little friend. + +Over two weeks had passed, and I was downstairs in the study. My nurse +had gone out, my housekeeper was busy, and I was very lonely. I was +standing at the window, looking westward. The sun had gone down in regal +splendor. Some fete was in progression in the sky, for the attendants of +the god of day were resplendent in attire. They had been marshalled from +all quarters of the heavens, and their stately and solemn procession, +brilliant with the most gorgeous red, royal purple, and dazzling gold, +had caused my heart to dilate with awe and reverential admiration. + +The lake, stirred by the wonderful pageant, caught the many hues as they +dropped from heaven, and tossed them on high in joyous, iridescent +waves. + +The climax of majesty and beauty was reached, and then the convocation +broke up--not suddenly, but slowly, and with gracious dignity. The sun +sank into the waiting arms of the unknown; the lights of heaven faded, +and the clouds slowly melted into dusk. + +The scene had stirred me as I am seldom stirred, and with the oncoming +of night new thoughts and feelings rose from their lair, as strange and +beautiful wild animals step from their caves into the deep mystery of +darkness. + +My neighbor next door--Mrs. Thrush, sat on her broad, vine-clad gallery, +rocking her little child in her arms. By her side sat her husband, with +one arm thrown across her lap. He had laid his paper down, for the +daylight was fading, and perhaps his thought was too happy to stoop to +daily news. Softly the little wife and mother sang; she had a sweet home +voice, and no music of orchestra ever moved me as did her lullaby. + +I was at that moment an intensely lonely woman. I thought of Mr. +Gregory and my future, and still I was lonely. + +Far away to the east there was a low, long bank of clouds like a +mountain range, and as the poetry and melody of the lullaby rose from +the little nest on my left, and stole into my thought, I saw a faint +light above this line; then a group of mist-like clouds that moved +toward me. Slowly the gray haze, tinged with soft light, began to +resolve itself into shadowy forms, and my heart stood still as, in some +vague way, I traced a connection between the lullaby and the vision, and +realized that a message was coming to me. + +I was perfectly calm, but with the calmness which is the outgrowth of an +excitement so tense that it is still. As the vision floated nearer, I +heard soft music--a crooning, yearning, soul-satisfying lullaby; I saw a +little child, a mother, and a father. The child was as beautiful as an +angel, and there was that in its face which made my eyes flood with +tears, and my heart ache with yearning; the faces of the parents were +too vague for me to recognize at first; then slowly, that of the mother +became more distinct, and I saw _myself_ before me--myself, a wife and +mother; the visible answer to my heart's deepest, most secret cry. Still +the father's face was hidden, but as the vision floated by, he turned +and looked at me--the vision wife--with a look I had seen before, and I +uttered a cry as I recognized _Randolph Chance_. + + + + + IX + + +As I cried out, I turned slightly and, for a moment, lost the picture. +It was changed when again I saw it; Randolph Chance was still there, but +he no longer advanced toward the vision wife--she had faded into mist; he +came slowly toward me. There was a beautiful look on his face--I cannot +describe it--it was too holy to translate into language; but I could feel +it vibrate through my being until it set my very soul a-quivering. I had +no power of resistance--no wish to resist. I almost think I went toward +him, and he was as real to me as if he were in the flesh. I could feel +him as he put his arm around my waist, and his face touched mine. The +vision child had melted away; and we two were alone; I knew my heart +then; I knew I loved this man. + +It was all over in a few moments, but such moments as make an eternity, +for they wipe out the past, even as death blots out a life, and they +open a door to the future. Up to that time I had never thought that, +without my knowledge or intent, my heart could slip from me--had never +dreamed that I, whose life had always been most commonplace--I, who had +had my share of wooing, but had never felt an extra heart-beat because +of it--no, never dreamed that I, this _I_, so practical and sensible, +could be carried off my feet by a vision. A vision, was it? Yes, and yet +real, too real in some ways, since it revealed my innermost thought. A +vision! And yet, even now that it had melted into air, I was clinging to +it, and instead of resenting its startling revelation of self, was +dwelling upon it, and in it, with a delight beyond words. + +I sat there in my study, my head bent, and my hands loosely clasped in +my lap, living it over and over again. Out of doors, the soft gray dusk +had hushed the tired world in its arms. Within, the stillness of night +had settled down upon the room. By and by the moon rose above the great +waters of the lake, and on shore the trees were casting silent, solemn +shadows, made visible by the soft, hazy light that lay between them. +Once in a while a bird uttered its night cry, or some little brooding +note, and over on the vine-clad gallery, Mrs. Thrush still crooned a +lullaby to her little child, who lay asleep--soft and warm, on her +mother-breast. + +I was no longer lonely, no longer shut out from it all--there was the +bird on its nest; the little wife and mother in her home; and I--I was +very near them--akin to them. I had seen myself in _my_ home, with my +child, and my husband; I had felt his dear arms about me, and his dear +face close to mine. I was no longer an alien. I, too, had a place in +the heart of another. + +Still I sat and dreamed, and even the ringing of my door-bell failed to +rouse me: but when I heard the maid say to someone: + +"She has been downstairs to-night, but I think she has gone up now, and +I don't like to call her." + +I started forward, saying quickly: + +"No, I am here--I will see any one." + +And so he came in, but it was not the one I expected. It was Mr. +Gregory. + +I think that he found my embarrassment on greeting him both gratifying +and encouraging, but its cause was alien to his thought. I was brought +back from another world, as it were, with a rude shock, and in my +enfeebled condition, consequent upon a severe illness could not control +myself. Indeed I did not feel that I was mistress of myself at any time +during the evening. + +After a word or two, which I cannot recall, I stammered out: + +"I was not expecting you this evening--I had not sent for you." + +"I know that you have not," he answered--then dropping his voice a +trifle, he added, "I could not wait any longer--I found it difficult to +wait so long as this. I hardly dared hope that I might see you this +evening, but I felt I must try." + +Intent upon sparing him the pain of a spoken declaration, I exclaimed: + +"Oh, Mr. Gregory, don't! please don't say anything more. I am not +deserving of your esteem and kindness." + +He came nearer me, and his voice was at once tender and reverent, as he +said: + +"You are more than worthy of what I have to offer, which is myself, and +all that I have." + +"Don't!" I cried again; "don't say anything more! Let us imagine this +unsaid!" + +"Such words can never be recalled," he said gravely. + +"They must be," I persisted; "I cannot accept! I have nothing to give in +return!" + +A look of disappointment came over his face, and if I mistake not, it +was shaded with displeasure. "I hardly expected this, Miss Leigh, I have +hardly been led to expect this." + +"I know what you mean, Mr. Gregory," I replied, more calmly than I had +spoken before; "I know that I have accepted your attentions--you have had +every reason to expect a different answer. I'll not try to deceive you, +or keep anything from you. I'll tell you that I have not been trifling. +I have understood you for some time----" + +He interrupted me here. + +"Yes, you must have done so; my attentions to you could have but one +interpretation, if I were a man of honor, and you knew I was that." + +"I did, indeed," I exclaimed. And then my mind went, with a flash like +lightning, to Randolph Chance, and I felt a sudden resentment. Had not +he shown me attentions that no man of honor can bestow upon a woman, +unless he wishes to make her his wife? Why had he left me in this +strait? Why had he not spoken out? Why had he not claimed before the +world that which he had taken such pains to win? I was uncertain about +Randolph Chance; I had never been uncertain about Mr. Gregory. Why? +Because I had perfect confidence in his honor. Was he not the better +man--the more trustworthy? Why could I not marry him? I loved another +man. A wave of shame and anger swept my face. + +"I have all along been expecting to marry you. I have not been +trifling," I cried out. + +He stepped forward, and took my hand. It was as cold as ice. + +"What is it then, Constance, that has changed you? Have I done anything +since your illness to make you think less of me?" + +I trembled from head to foot, and my lips were so stiff and dry that +they scarce would do my bidding. I must have spoken very indistinctly. + +"No--no," I said slowly; "I will tell you everything--I have done you a +wrong, an unintentional wrong, but I will do penance--I have seen myself +to-night--" I paused here; Mr. Gregory was a practical man; had I told +him that a vision had changed my attitude, he would have thought me +insane. I myself had begun to entertain doubts as to my sanity. "I know +myself now," I faltered, "I know my heart--I love another man." + +Mr. Gregory rose, and began pacing the floor. + +"This surprises me greatly," he said at length; "there must have been +another courtship--it would seem that you must have known something of +how matters were tending." + +"I have known nothing until to-night. There has been no courtship, in +the ordinary acceptation of that word--I'll tell you all, even if it +humbles me completely, as a penalty for what I have done to you. The +man I love--" I could feel the blood mantling my face and neck, "has +never addressed me." + +Mr. Gregory paused, and looked at me. + +"This is extraordinary," he said. + +"It is--I know it is--it is most of all so to me, for it is wholly unlike +what I have been all my life." + +"Let us not talk of this any more to-night, Miss Leigh," he said, with +evident relief; "I have been wrong to press this matter now, when you +are hardly recovered. You are not yourself. This is something +transitory, no doubt. Later on, you may feel differently." + +"No, no!" I exclaimed eagerly, "now that we have begun, let us say it +all. Don't--I beg of you, don't go away with a feeling that I don't know +my mind. I am weak and miserable to-night--" here the tears choked my +voice, and I all but broke down, "but I am miserable because I have +learned my true feeling, and know that I must disappoint----" + +I could not go on, and again he sat down beside me and took my hand. + +"I cannot understand you," he said simply. + +"I can't understand myself," I replied; "but all this is none the less +real for that. I have learned of it to-night, but it has existed before; +it explains many things in the past year." + +"If that is the case, then I must accept your decision as final." + +"It is, indeed," I answered briefly. + +He rose, and walked the room in silence again; then pausing once more, +he said calmly, and with no trace of anger. + +"This is the disappointment of my life." + +I said nothing. What could I say? To utter any platitudes about being +sorry, would have been to insult him. + +"A man cannot live to my age--I am fifty-two, Miss Leigh--without +experiencing disappointment, but I have known nothing equal to this." + +He paced the room a few moments, and then said: + +"This interview must be distressing to you. I am very sorry I brought +it about before you were strong and well." + +"Say one thing before you go, Mr. Gregory," I cried, "only say that you +don't think I have willfully misled you--say that you respect me still." + +His face was stirred by a slight quiver, as a placid lake is stirred by +an impulse of the evening air. + +"You have had, and you always will have my deepest respect, and my +deepest affection." + +He took my hand silently, and then quietly left the room. + +And I sat there until I heard the front door close. Then I went +upstairs, but I remember nothing after reaching the first landing. + +They found me lying there. They said I must have fainted. + + + + + X + + +I was badly upset for several days. For a time I resolutely put all +thought of what had occurred from my mind, but as soon as I felt able, I +sat down, with the whole matter before me, as it were, and deliberately +looked it in the face. I think I never felt more inane in my life than +when I remembered my folly, as I now regarded it. All that saved me from +utter self-abasement was the fact that it had occurred at a time when I +was at such a low ebb physically, by reason of illness. I determined to +try to forget it, as speedily as possible. But, however keenly I felt +the humiliation and folly of my emotion upon that strange night, it +never occurred to me to waver, when recalling my decision to bring +matters between Mr. Gregory and myself to an end. My refusal of him had +been brought about by one cause, and only one--that I fully realized; and +now that I had repudiated the cause, I might have been expected to +reconsider the refusal. But I did not. + +Soon after I was up and about once more, I learned that my little friend +had not sent the flowers. I thought--no, I did not think! but I cherished +secretly a--well, no! I cherished _nothing_ in secret or in public! + +I learned something else, soon after getting up, and this was that a +story was going the rounds to the effect that Mr. Gregory had broken our +engagement--and my disappointment had well-nigh occasioned me a relapse. +But in a twinkling, almost before I had time to get indignant, Mrs. +Catlin was running about, telling everybody that Mr. Gregory had +confided in her, in strictest confidence, the truth of the matter, +which was that I had ended the affair, and not he. + +I was much moved by this manly act on Mr. Gregory's part. He showed his +shrewdness, too; he could not announce this in public, or go to people +one by one, so he confided it to Mrs. Catlin, and told her not to tell. + +One Sabbath evening about ten o'clock, I began to lock up the house. +Early retirement is something all but unknown to me, but that night, +having no particular reason for sitting up, I was about to indulge in it +as a novelty. + +I raised the shade of one of the study windows, with intent to draw the +bolt, but my hand paused in the act, for my eyes were captured by a +scene of surpassing beauty. Fall had lately swept her gorgeous leaves +one side, and closed her doors for the season, and we were now standing +on the threshold of winter. The early snows are apt to be soft and +clinging; it is later on, usually, when the thermometer takes a plunge +downward, that they become crisp and hard. It is seldom, however, at any +time of year that the atmospheric conditions are favorable to such a +creation as I beheld that night. I hardly know just what is necessary to +make it all--a still, moderate cold, and a very humid air are among the +most important conditions, I believe. + +When I stepped outside my door early in the evening, the air all about +me seemed to be snow, not separated into flakes, but diffused evenly. +Altogether it had the effect of a heavy white fog, and I could see even +then, that it was settling in visible, palpable, feathery forms, not +only upon the ground, but upon every bush and tree as well. It was a +most unusual scene, and I gazed at it long and admiringly; but having no +fondness for walking through soft, clinging snow, I was not enticed to +sally forth, as I always am when the snow is firm and sparkling. + +But by ten o'clock the temperature had changed, and in the cooler air +the almost imperceptible melting of the snow had been stayed. + +The white carpet that had slowly been sinking, was now stationary, and +was covered by a firm crust that gleamed in the moonlight. There was no +sparkle on the trees, but the feathery tufts and pinions had ceased +floating to the ground, and melting into air. The scene, in all its +matchless beauty, was arrested--held upon nature's canvas for a few +hours, by the Master hand. + +Stay in doors that night! Would I be so wicked as to turn my back, or +close my eyes upon one of the most delectable scenes that ever a kind +Providence spread before the soul of human creature! Would I +deliberately slight such an exhibition of love and marvelous skill? Not +I! + +It didn't take me long to catch up hat and jacket, and with a heart that +beat high, slip from my house, as a greyhound slips the leash, and hie +me away. + +What mattered it that the neighborhood lights were raised--a story, at +least--and that the owners of all the villas near at hand, were preparing +for decorous, temporary retirement. I merely pitied them for their +stupidity, and went my way. I had long been a law unto myself, and while +I did not believe in flaunting my independence in their faces, I none +the less continued to enjoy it. + +There are nights when to sleep would be the sin of an ingrate; 'twould +be like gathering up the good things of Providence, and hurling them +from out the window, in reckless waste. And this night was such a one. + +The keen air, and the entrancing beauty about me, seemed to run in a +subtle, fascinating torrent through my veins, and lend me wings. I felt +as though I were buoyed up by magic hands; I hardly think I set foot on +ground the whole way, and yet I must, for I was conscious of a crisp +crackle of the snow at every step. + +Oh, is there any sound just like it! Could our poor invalids but pitch +their nostrums over the wall, and take this tonic instead! + +Some friends of mine moved a while ago and drove their family stake in a +spot far off from here. They are continually writing me of a region of +perpetual sunshine and summer. I thought of them on this glorious night, +and pitied them from the depths of my heart, as I often have, indeed, +since they went out there. Theirs is the place for the extremely +indigent, no doubt, but for any one who can command a dollar or so for +fuel, this--this is the land of delight. + +I was at no loss as to direction; our suburb was beautiful throughout, +especially all along by the lake, but there was one place in particular, +where art and nature had joined hands, with a result indescribable. +Toward these grounds I hastened, on this particular night. + +Oh, the glory of that moon! the glory of the lake! an undulating sea of +waves, each crested with a feather, as soft, as snowy in the moonlight, +as the tinier ones that hung upon the trees. + +I ran down the winding avenue--the white fog still lingered in the deep +places, but above, all was clear and glorious. Erelong I entered the +Dunham's grounds. At a certain point, unmarked to the stranger's eye, a +rustic flight of stairs, now strewn with dead leaves--padded with snow as +well, to-night, dips down from the broad driveway. Quickly I made my way +by this path, and erelong, stood upon one of the little rustic bridges +spanning the ravine, and connecting with a similar flight of ascending +stairs upon the other side. There I paused, and well I might. It were a +dull, plodding creature indeed, who would not be spellbound by such a +scene! On either hand were the sloping wooded sides of the ravine whose +depths were shrouded in the mysterious whiteness of the fog; above me, a +short distance in front, was the arch of the broad, picturesque bridge +with which the driveway spans the hollow. The little rustic bridge on +which I stood was much lower than the larger one; hence, from my +position, I looked through the archway, beyond, down, and far along the +ravine. Can you call up fairyland to your mental eye? It would pale +before this scene--those feathery trees! that enchanting vista! I stood +there drinking it in, and pitying the sleeping world. I could not, even +in thought, express my delight and gratitude for being permitted to +behold such beauty, but finally a familiar line leaped from my lips: + + "Praise God from whom all blessings flow." + +I can never forget that night; it kindled and warmed my heart with a +reverential fire. If, in the course of years, my way should be overcast; +if, for a time, I should let the artificial--the ignoble, clog the path, +and shut me out from the light of heaven, even then I shall be saved +from doubt, which is always engendered by our stupidity--the things of +our own manufacture--I shall be saved from doubt by the sweet, pure, +radiant memory of that winter, moonlight scene. Only a beneficent God +could create such beauty. + + + + + XI + + +On my way back--at what dissipated hour I firmly decline to state--I +passed a home with an interesting history tacked thereto. + +The leading events were brought me by one of those active, inquisitive +little birds that find out all sorts of things, and often fetch from +great distances. + +The couple who live there, though Americans, once lived in Winnipeg, +Manitoba, and it was in that place that the husband fell to drinking. +The little bird above alluded to--the bird that acts as a kind of +domestic ferret--told me that, in the early years of their married life, +the wife was of an excitable, hysterical temperament, and given to +making scenes. Just here let me digress a moment to erect a warning +signboard. I have a friend who is busy mixing and administering a deadly +draught to her domestic happiness, and yet does not know it. She has +only been married a year, and she uses tears and scenes, in general, as +instruments to pull from her husband the attention, affection, and +devotion she craves. The tug waxes increasingly hard, but she has not, +as yet, sense enough to see that, and desist. She cannot realize that +the success attained by such methods is but the temporary and external +beauty, which, in reality, covers a failure of the most hopeless type, +just as the flush on the consumptive's cheek is but a pitiable +counterfeit, and covers a fatal disease. + +Whether in this particular story, the report of the wife's early +blunders be true or false, there seems to be no doubt that presently the +husband grew careless and indifferent; that scene followed scene +between them, until at last he went to drinking. Then the little wife +waxed sober, thoughtful, and studied much within herself. This awful +sorrow, following so closely upon the heels of her wedding-day joy, +matured her judgment--her womanhood, and she began to use every skillful +device to call back her husband from the dark paths he had chosen, to +the light. All in vain, however; and when she realized this, after +several years of heroic effort, she made one last scene, and told him +she was going to leave him. Then his old-time tenderness returned--if you +can compare a tenderness which was blurred and cringing, with that which +was clear and manly. He begged and promised in vain, however, for she +had lost faith, and a lost faith is not found again for many a day. + +So she went off, and she covered all traces and signs so carefully that +no anxious, heartbroken effort of his could find her. Meanwhile she +wrote him frequently and regularly, and although he knew not where to +send reply, it is quite likely she had word of him from some one to whom +she had given her confidence in this dreary time. + +And so five years passed, and at their close she walked into her home +one day, and her husband--a man once more, took her in his arms, and +looked his love and joy with clear, honest eyes. + +They came to our city, or rather this little suburb of our city, soon +afterward, and although it is well-nigh ten years now that they have +been among us, there has never been a hint of trouble. Hers was a unique +method, but it brought about the desired end. + +Verily it would seem that for some dinners, it is best for the cook to +vanish, and leave the dishes to get themselves. + +I was meditating on this as I walked home that night, and the next +morning, stirred by the recollection of all I had seen and felt, was +moved to write out a story given me by a young man--a friend of mine, who +lives at a great distance from here, on an olive ranch out of Los Gatos, +California. + +I wish I could give you this little tale just as he told it. I can't, I +know, but I'll do my best in trying. + +Mrs. Purblind dropped in just as I was reading it over to myself, before +my study fire. + +"Do you remember my story about Duke?" I asked. + +"Yes, I liked it," she said, "though I'm not very partial to dogs." + +"I have one here about horses. I've written it out as nearly as possible +as my friend told it to me, but so much flavor is lost when these things +change hands. Here it is, and I think that the lamentation David sang +over Saul, might head it. + +"A while ago we owned a couple of horses--work horses, and yet, by reason +of the strength of their affections, they were lifted from out the +commonplace, and enveloped with an atmosphere of romance that gave them +the flavor of a story book, plumb full of princes and heroes. And by the +way, Prince was the name of one of them, and he was a genuine hero, as +you will see. His mate was called Nelly, and albeit she was as awkward +and as angular as the ideal old maid, vastly inferior to Prince, who was +a fine-looking chap, yet his admiration for her was unbounded. She cared +for him, I'm sure, but she was less demonstrative; more coquettish, I +would say, if she hadn't been too homely a beast to think of, in +connection with such a word. + +"They were brought up together; were taught by the same master; sat on +the same bench, in a figurative sense; were lovers from the very first. +Prince certainly had the most elegant manners; Nelly was his first +thought, at all times, and his courtesy to her savored of the old +school. He wouldn't go into the shed of a cold, rainy day and leave +Nelly outside; but if she went in, he was more than content to follow. +When it was necessary to separate them--we couldn't always work them +together--we had to tie Prince with ropes and cables, as it were, to hold +him fast. Nelly was less difficult to manage; at least, she would let +him go out of sight without fretting, and yet, after all, she seemed +easier if he were at hand. I remember, one day, he was tied in front of +the house, and she was loose, grazing near by. As long as he could see +her, all went well enough, but the moment she sauntered around the +fence, he began first to fidget, then to paw and neigh, and finally to +struggle, until in the end, he broke loose and rushed after his +inamorata. And what a time he made over her! whinnying, and +demonstrating his delight in a dozen different ways. She? oh, she took +it coolly, but that was all feminine bosh, or coquetry on her part. She +liked to have him near her well enough. + +"There was an amusing thing happened one day, down in the field. Father +and I were plowing with Nell. We had tied Prince to a tree, the other +side of the knoll we were working on, and supposed he was fast, but to +our surprise, just as we turned, after finishing a long furrow, we +confronted the gentleman, tree and all, standing before us in a weak and +fainting condition. He had struggled until he had uprooted the whole +business, and was so used up in consequence, that he could hardly +stagger, much less go into his usual hysterics over Nell. She looked as +amazed as we did, and I've no doubt gave him a sound curtain lecture on +his folly that night. + +"One day father and Ned took Prince down into the field. Steve and I +stayed up near the house, working around the vineyard. Nelly was in the +stable. + +"The morning was half gone, when all at once Steve happened to turn +around, and look down the hill. + +"'Gosh, Jack!' he exclaimed, 'the barn's afire.' + +"I gave one startled look, and then ran for the hose. + +"'Get Nelly out!' I cried to Steve; but after a second look, I called, +'No, don't you do it! Let her go! it's too late!' + +"'I won't let her go!' he shouted; 'do you think I'll stand by and see +Nelly burned to death!' + +"'You'd be a fool to go in now! Look at that stable! Here! Stand back! +Have you lost your wits?' + +"'Let me go!' he cried; 'Jack, get out of the way!' + +"But I threw him down and held him. I was bigger than he; older, and +cooler-headed too. + +"'There, I give in,' he said in a moment; 'it's wicked to lose time this +way. Let me up, Jack, and we'll get the hose. I promise you I won't go +in.' + +"We ran for the hose, and turned on all the water we could command, and +by this time mother and the servant girl had come from the house, and +were helping us. + +"We could hear Nelly struggling in her stall, and I tell you it made us +sick! Unluckily we had chained her, in anticipation of her trying to get +loose, and go after Prince. She'd never been left at home this way +before, and we'd taken extra pains to secure her. + +"The stable doors were fastened by a heavy bolt; again and again I tried +to push it back, but it was so fiery hot I couldn't touch it, and when I +tried to hammer it, the flames drove me off. + +"There was nothing for it but to leave poor Nelly to her fate. It seemed +as if she divined our intent, for, as we turned away, she uttered a +piercing scream. Mother burst into tears. + +"'I can't stand it,' she said, covering her ears. + +"Again and again Nelly's voice rang out. Steve stood there, his face +drawn and white. All at once he took out his watch. + +"'It's twelve o'clock!' he cried; 'father'll be home in a moment, and +if Prince hears Nelly he'll go mad. Head 'em off, Jack!' + +"I didn't wait for another word, but ran with all my might down the road +by which they always came. + +"As fate would have it, they had chosen the other one that day, and were +well along, before I caught sight of them. Father had taken Prince out +of the plow, and harnessed him to a little single-seated gig we had. He +was driving him, and Ned was walking behind. I saw Steve running toward +them, but he was still at a distance. + +"'Father,' I yelled at the top of my voice, 'stop! father! the stable's +on fire. Turn Prince back. Nelly is burning!' + +"Father didn't seem to understand, for although he listened, he kept +driving slowly on. + +"I shouted again, running toward them, and gesticulating frantically. +All at once Ned caught my meaning, and bounding like a deer in front of +the gig, grabbed Prince by the head to turn him, but at that very moment +a terrible scream from poor Nelly split our ears, and in less time than +it takes to tell there was a maddened horse plunging in midair, with +four strong men clinging to him, trying to hold him back. + +"'Let him go, boys! Let him go!' shouted father; 'it's no use! Let him +go, I tell you! He'll kill us all!' + +"'Oh, God! I can't let the old fellow burn up!' sobbed Steve. + +"But Prince had begun to lay about him with his teeth, and father +knocked Steve down to get him out of the way. + +"I believe we all sobbed, as we watched the old hero go up that hill and +into the stable; Nelly was quiet now, and the doors were down. + +"We heard him groan once or twice, and then mother came to meet us, and +took us all into the house. + +"It's out yonder--the monument we put up. It's over both of them." + +"Well, what has that horse story to do with men?" asked a sneering +voice, when I had finished my little tale, and Mrs. Purblind and I were +sitting silent. + +I turned, and to my astonishment and disgust saw Mrs. Cynic, who had +come in quietly, unobserved by me, as I was reading. + +I should not have answered her a word, but Mrs. Purblind thought to +avert an awkward situation, so she said: + +"It illustrates the devotion of the masculine nature, I suppose." + +"In horses? Yes; it's a pity that it hasn't been evoluted into men." + +"It has," I answered curtly, "for those who are capable of seeing and +appreciating it." + +This probably made her angry, for she turned on me with her most evil +expression: + +"It's a mystery to me why, with your overweening admiration for the +other sex, you haven't married, Miss Leigh. You must have had countless +opportunities; child-like faith, such as yours, must be very attractive +to them." + +I stared at her a moment in silence; her insolence stupefied me. Then I +think I opened the nearest window, and pitched her out. Mrs. Purblind +insists I did not do that, exactly, but that I got rid of her. As she +hasn't been in since, a desirable result was obtained, and I don't much +care what the method may have been. + +I aired my house the rest of the day, having a wish to cleanse it, and +protect my moral nature, much as one would rid a place of sewer gas, to +protect the physical being. + +I was not in a very good temper after all this, and it annoyed me to see +Randolph Chance coming in before taking his train. He had been calling +oftener than usual of late, but he didn't seem to have much to say, and +so his coming gave no especial pleasure. + +To-day what talk we had ran on flowers for a time, when Mr. Chance, +awkwardly and out-of-placedly, asked me how I liked the _Reve d'or_ +rose. This was the kind of rose I had received every morning, during my +illness. + +I looked at him inquiringly. I confess my heart was beating faster. + +He flushed, and said abruptly: + +"You must have known I sent you those." + +"I did not," I answered rather coldly; "there was no card or note with +them." + +"I thought you'd know," he said with increasing embarrassment; and then +he added, almost desperately, "you must know, Constance, that I love +you." + +"I know nothing," I replied, drawing myself up haughtily; "I take +nothing of this kind for granted. If you want me to understand, you must +come out openly." + +"I have done enough, surely," he said, "enough to lead you to guess the +truth." + +"I guess nothing of this sort!" I reiterated; "what right have you to +place me in this position? What right have you, or any other man to +deprive a woman of one of her dearest privileges--that of being wooed?" + +"Constance!" he cried, and all his embarrassment was gone, "aren't there +a thousand ways of saying 'I love you?' and haven't I said it in every +way but one?" + +"That one was the most important of all," I answered; "I would have +given more to hear those words than to receive every other token." + +His face lighted up with a sudden flash, and he started impulsively +toward me. + +"Then you _do_ love me, my darling--I have hardly dared to hope." + +But I drew back, and answered passionately, + +"No, I do not! I love no man who can trifle with a young girl, or any +woman--no man who has the effrontery to expect some one to take for +granted a courtship that has never existed!" + +"For Heaven's sake, what _do_ you mean?" + +"Go to Miss Sprig and inquire; she has more reason to take your love +for granted than I." + +"I'll not go to her, but I shall leave you," he said, with a white face. +"You certainly don't care for me, or you would never deal me such an +unjust thrust as this." + +And then I heard him close the front door. I think the neighborhood +heard him. + +I walked to the window. He was gone. + +I told myself I was glad of it--that a good lesson had been taught. + +Which of us was teacher remained somewhat obscure. + + + + + XII + + +It might reasonably be supposed that the event last narrated disturbed +my life. It did in a measure, and for a time, but I was not very long in +bringing it back to its accustomed channel. + +Strange as it may seem, although we lived across the street from one +another, I saw nothing of Mr. Chance for many weeks. Perhaps it is not +strange though, after all, since each of us was taking pains to avoid +the other, and we knew each other's habits of life pretty well by this +time. + +But if I didn't see him, I heard of him frequently enough, for Mrs. +Purblind rarely ever met me without saying something about "Dolph," as +she called him. She was exceedingly fond of him, and with good cause, +for he was a most affectionate, thoughtful, unselfish brother. He was +very different from her, and they were not confidential friends, when +serious matters were concerned, but they were companionable, +nevertheless. + +It is not likely Mrs. Purblind realized that she was shut out from +something that deeply concerned her brother; but she worried about him. +She was certain he was ill--he had little appetite, and was in no way +like himself, she said. Miss Sprig wondered what had come over him. + +I believe Mrs. Purblind must have been deaf as well as blind, otherwise +the neighborhood gossip regarding Mr. Chance and myself, which was rife +a year ago, would certainly have reached her. Evidently she had heard +nothing, and she continued to keep my innermost breast in a secret +ferment, by pouring her fears and speculations into my ear. She even +confided in me that she had for a long time suspected the existence of +an affair between Miss Sprig and her brother, but this young woman +declared that he never paid her the slightest attention of a matrimonial +character; that he'd been very kind to her, very jolly, and friendly, +but that was all. + +I think that if Mount Vesuvius had leaped out of me, and taken its +departure, I could scarce have felt more relieved. I really had been +harboring a volcano for some time, and it was a hot tenant. + +Shortly after hearing this latter piece of Mrs. Purblind's news, another +bit was added. + +"Dolph has gone away," she said, one day; "left suddenly, this morning. +He confessed to being played out, and I'm sure he looks it. He's gone on +to Buffalo, to brother Dave's." + +That night I sat down and wrote a letter; when one has done wrong, his +first conscious act should be to confess. + +I was in a trying position; one is at such a time. Two months had +elapsed, and Mr. Chance might have changed his mind and intent. Men do, +occasionally; women, too. And indeed he never had asked me to marry him. +True, that is the supposition when a man, with any real manhood about +him, tells a woman he loves her--when he shows her marked attentions, in +fact; but, as I said to Mr. Chance, I did not intend to take such things +for granted. I had not changed in that respect. I had, however, become +convinced that I was harsh and unjust to him. It is a blundering teacher +who takes badness in a child for granted--does not wait for proof. It is +an inspired teacher who ignores the bad sometimes, even after it has +been proven. To think the worst, so some of the psychologists tell us, +will often create the worst. Even a cook does well to make the most of +her materials. Her dishes will be likely to turn out ill, if she treats +the ingredients with disrespect. It would seem that I, who had in a +manner made a specialty of matrimonial cookery, had something yet to +learn. Randolph Chance had given me a lesson. + +In my letter, I said that time and thought had shown me I had done him a +wrong, and that I was very sorry; that, no doubt, he had changed in some +feelings, and it was, perhaps, not likely we should meet very soon; but +that I wished him to know I realized my mistake, and that I was still +his friend. + +The second day after I had written, I heard from him; our letters were +penned the same night, and must have crossed each other. In his he said +he had held off as long as he could, but was coming right back from +Buffalo to see me. He was certain he could explain everything; he had +nothing to hide, and he hoped I would let him tell me what was in his +heart; that for months he had known but one real wish, one real +aspiration--to win me for his wife. He begged me to let him begin anew, +and make an effort to attain this great end. + +That evening, in the gloaming, I was at my study window. I could look +into the parlor of the Thrush home. A shadow had fallen upon that dear +nest; one of the little birdies had flown away, but it was now forever +sheltered from all storms in the dear Christ's bosom, so all was well. +The gentle little mother was nearly crushed at first, even more so than +the father, though he felt the loss deeply; but erelong she lifted her +sweet face, and smiled through her tears. And now, at the end of two +weeks, she was to her husband, at least, as cheerful as ever, even more +tender, and she made the home as bright as before. So many women are +selfish in their grief, unwise too. They act as if their husbands were +aliens, and did not share the sorrow. It is true the man usually +recovers sooner than the woman from such a blow, but no one should blame +him for that. His nature is different, necessarily different; not in +kind, but in degree. It has to be; his is the outside battle; he must +needs be rugged. But "a man's a man for a' that," and the woman who +shuts him out in the hour of bereavement, or who darkens the home +continuously, and overcasts its good cheer, is both selfish and foolish. +In such cases husband and wife are parted, instead of being brought +nearer to one another, as they should be when they have a little +ambassador in the court of Heaven. + +My heart was very tender that evening, and as I sat beside the glowing +fire, before the lamps were lighted, my thoughts ran to Mrs. Purblind. +The poor little woman had seemed sad of late, and I guessed, without +word from her, that it was because her husband was going out so much at +night. I did wish she could see some things as they really were. + +She sat there with me that evening--in spirit, at least, on the opposite +side of the fireplace, and her mournful face touched me deeply. + +"He doesn't seem to care for his home," she said sadly. + +"Make him care for it. Man is a domestic animal. If he doesn't stay at +home, something is wrong." + +"I do all I can," she answered in a dull tone. + +"No doubt you do now," I said; "but learn more, and then you will +improve." + +"I was looking over some trunks in the attic to-day, and I came across +my wedding gown. It called up so much! I can't get over it--" and she +sobbed aloud. + +I couldn't speak just then. The tears were too near. + +"Oh, when first I wore that gown, how happy I was, and how I looked +forward to the future! Everything was bright then, but now it's so +changed that I'd hardly know it was the same--it isn't the same--I'm not +the same, either----" + +Here she broke down again. + +I leaned over, and laid my hand on hers. You know she wasn't really +there; the real Mrs. Purblind seldom talked over her affairs with me, +but I could feel what she was suffering, none the less. + +"I want to tell you something, if I may," I said. + +She assented in a dumb sort of fashion, and I leaned a little nearer. + +The firelight gleamed on the walls, and in its glow the pictures looked +down kindly upon us. Soft shadows rested in the corners of the room, and +an air of peace and comfort brooded throughout, as a bird upon her nest. + +"Think a little while," I said gently; "think of his side. Is he quite +the same as he was when he married?" + +"Oh, no!" she exclaimed; "he was so loving and attentive then." + +"Had he any hopes and plans? Enthusiasm? Did life look bright to him?" + +A serious look traversed her face, as though she were entertaining a new +thought. + +"Look at him as he used to be," I continued. + +And as I spoke, she saw that a young man with a fresh, sunny face--a +healthy, happy, care-free face--was sitting in the ruddy firelight. + +She gave a start. + +"That is Joe as he used to be!" she said. "Oh, how he's changed!" + +Even as she spoke, the young man faded away, and an older man--much +older, apparently, careworn, and unhappy-looking--took his place. + +The coals in the glowing grate sank, and the bright light suddenly died. +A deep shadow rested upon the figure beside us; he was with us, and yet +seemed so alone. + +"Who would think a man could change that way in ten years!" exclaimed +Mrs. Purblind; "would you believe it possible?" + +"Not unless he had known many disappointments, and borne loads and cares +beyond his years." + +"I have never thought of that," she murmured, "I believe poor Joe has +been disappointed too." + +"He certainly has." + +"It's too bad, and there's no help for it now," she added with a sob. + +"Don't say that," I urged, laying my hand on hers again; "you close the +gate of heaven when you say 'no hope.' There is always hope as long as +there is a spark of life--any physician will tell you that. If you can be +patient--be strong to bear, and wait--if you can make home bright, and not +care, or not seem to care if he slights it and you, for weeks--months, +maybe years--it takes so much longer to undo, than to do--there is _every_ +hope. He couldn't do this, but a woman--a real woman, is strong enough, +with God on her side." + +The dullness left her face, and an unselfish light dawned in its place. +As she rose to go, she leaned over the other figure, and he looked up at +her, with something of the old-time love. + +I replenished the fire after they had gone--they went out together--and as +I sat there thinking of it all, I heard a sudden rushing sound in the +street. + +I ran to the door, just in time to see a farm wagon, drawn by two strong +horses, go pell-mell past my house, and overturn, as the frightened +animals dashed around the corner. The neighborhood was agog in a moment, +and I joined the rest in trying to help the occupants of the broken +vehicle. We brought them into the house--the man and woman and a little +child. + +As soon as they were in the light, I knew them; they were some of my +people--a German family, by the name of Abraham, who lived on a little +farm just outside our suburb. They had been to me typical +representatives of a stupid class, who have all the hardships of life, +and none of its soft lights and shades. They were the kind that plant +their pig-sty on the lake side of their house--put the pig-sty betwixt +them and every other beauty, it seemed to me. What can life hold for +such people? They know nothing of love, or any other joy. Merely an +animal existence is theirs. + +We fetched a doctor as speedily as possible--the parents were merely +bruised, but the little child was badly hurt. At first we feared she was +dying, and it was a relief to be told that she would probably live. + +I went out of the room to get some bandages, and the doctor followed me. +Returning suddenly, I ran upon an unexpected scene; up to that time, +before us all, the parents had seemed perfectly stolid; but just as I +opened the door, the wife and mother rose from her knees by the bed, and +I have seldom seen a look more expressive of tender love than that with +which her husband took her in his arms. + +We have many things to learn in the next world; one of these, I am sure, +will be, not to judge by the life upon the surface. There is a deep +fount of feeling beneath, and often it is those whom we least suspect, +who dip down into it. + +I was still busy with these people, when Randolph Chance walked in upon +me. His kind heart needed no prompting to join in our little attentions, +and he was of especial use in getting a vehicle to take the family home. + +After they had gone, and we found ourselves alone, a great embarrassment +seemed to seize him in a fatal grasp. + +By and by I realized that I was really getting incensed, and I was +afraid I should soon be in the position of the man who went to another, +whom he had ill-treated, to apologize for his bad conduct, and, "By +Jove, sir"--to use his own phrase, "I hit him again." + +I tried to keep my letter before my eyes. I didn't want to be forced by +that inexorable tyrant--conscience--to write another. And I should, if I +didn't hold on to myself, and this man didn't behave differently. + +To avoid a clash, I set to work to clear away some of the confusion +consequent upon the accident, and he helped me in this. + +One would suppose that might serve to cool him, and it did indeed, to +such an extent that, upon our settling down again, he began the most +commonplace conversation, giving me some incidents of his trip; +discussing the scenery; weather; population, and general aspects of +Buffalo; with much more of the dryest, most disagreeable stuff, that a +man ever had the temerity to use, as a means of wasting a woman's +evening. + +To employ a childish phrase--it best fits the occasion--I grew madder and +madder, until at last matters within me rose to such a height, that when +he began to tell of his brother's house in Buffalo, and to dwell upon +the peculiarities of its furniture, I felt peculiar enough to hurl all +of mine at him. + +The number of things I thought of that evening would form a library of +energetic literature. Among other resolves, I determined from that day +on, if I lived till my hair whitened--lived till I raised my third or +fourth crop of teeth, never, _never_, to give Randolph Chance another +thought. There was one comfort: he did not know, nor did any one else, +what a complete goose I had made of myself; but, though I _had_ been +most foolish, thanks to a sober, Puritanic ancestry, I still had myself +in hand; my hysterics had been occasional and secluded, and I was not +wholly gone daft. I could recover; I would! and then, if ever he came to +my feet, he would learn that some things don't rise, after once they are +cold. + +I was calm enough when he at last decided to go, and instead of running +on excitedly, as I had been vaguely conscious of doing part of the +evening, I really conversed. Indeed, to speak modestly, I think I was +rather interesting. I had forgotten what he had called for. So had +he--apparently. + +All I hoped was that he did not intend to bore me with frequent +repetitions of this call. I had better use for my evenings than such +waste of time as chatting with him. I cast about me for some suitable +excuse to shut off future inflictions, and at last hit upon one that I +thought might answer. + +"I suppose I must sacrifice myself for a while," I said cheerfully; "I +have had a deal of business swoop down upon me, and in order to dispatch +it, must shut myself up for a time, and forego the joys of society." + +Instantly his old embarrassment came back upon him, as a small boy's +enemy--supposed to be vanquished--darts around the corner, and renews the +attack. + +He started to go; came back; returned to the door; again came back; +colored vividly--looked at me imploringly. And as I looked at him my +anger, my coldness--all vanished, and I exclaimed: + +"Randolph Chance, why _don't_ you say it!" + +"Some things are awfully hard to say. I can write---- Oh Constance! you +might have mercy on me!" + +"Well," I said, laughing--I could almost see the light upon my face--"I +suppose you want me to marry you." + +"You can't get away now!" he cried, a second later. + +The walls heard a much-smothered voice-- + +"I don't want to." + +Now this little scene, I suppose, is what makes Randolph always say I +proposed to him. This remark, oft repeated, sometimes under very trying +circumstances, is his one disagreeableness. But I let it pass without +comment, for I realize it is the spout to the kettle, and I am thankful +that the steam has so safe and harmless an outlet. If I were to boil him +too hard, he would probably overflow, and dim the fire; but I am _very +cautious_, and love still burns with a clear, bright flame. + + + THE END. + + + +[Transcriber's Note: The table below lists all corrections applied to +the original text. + +p. 032: [removed stray quote] "I didn't care for this picnic +p. 050: [normalized] they were wellnigh exhausted -> well-nigh +p. 056: [extra comma] any comment on her neighbors' affairs, was alien to her. +p. 152: Their's is the place -> Theirs +p. 182: [added speaker change] beyond his years. I have never thought +p. 187: [normalized] most common-place conversation -> commonplace +p. 189: [changed to long dash] I can write---- Oh Constance! ] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of How to Cook Husbands, by +Elizabeth Strong Worthington + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO COOK HUSBANDS *** + +***** This file should be named 26210.txt or 26210.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/6/2/1/26210/ + +Produced by Irma Spehar, Markus Brenner and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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