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+Project Gutenberg's Fragments From France, by Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Fragments From France
+
+Author: Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+Release Date: July 2, 2008 [EBook #25951]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRAGMENTS FROM FRANCE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Emmy and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+_By Bruce Bairnsfather_
+
+Bullets and Billets
+
+Fragments from France
+
+A Few Fragments from His Life
+
+
+
+
+FRAGMENTS FROM FRANCE
+
+
+BY
+
+CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER
+
+AUTHOR OF "BULLETS AND BILLETS"
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+          G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS
+          NEW YORK AND LONDON
+          The Knickerbocker Press
+          1917
+
+
+
+
+FOREWORD
+
+_By the Editor of "The Bystander."_
+
+
+[Illustration: W]HEN Tommy went out to the great war, he went smiling,
+and singing the latest ditty of the halls. The enemy scowled. War, said
+his professors of kultur and his hymnsters of hate, could never be waged
+in the Tipperary spirit, and the nation that sent to the front soldiers
+who sang and laughed must be the very decadent England they had all
+along denounced as unworthy of world-power.
+
+I fear the enemy will be even more infuriated when he turns over the
+pages of this book. In it the spirit of the British citizen soldier,
+who, hating war as he hated hell, flocked to the colours to have his
+whack at the apostles of blood and iron, is translated to cold and
+permanent print. Here is the great war reduced to grim and gruesome
+absurdity. It is not fun poked by a mere looker-on, it is the fun felt
+in the war by one who has been through it.
+
+[Illustration: CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER.]
+
+Captain Bruce Bairnsfather has stayed at that "farm" which is portrayed
+in the double page of the book; he has endured that shell-swept "'ole"
+that is depicted on the cover; he has watched the disappearance of that
+"blinkin' parapet" shown on one page; has had his hair cut under fire as
+shown on another. And having been through it all, he has just put down
+what he has seen and heard and felt and smelt and--laughed at.
+
+Captain Bairnsfather went to the front in no mood of a "chiel takin'
+notes." It was the notes that took him. Before the war, some time a
+regular soldier, some time an engineer, he had little other idea than to
+sketch for mischief, on walls and shirt cuffs, and tablecloths. Without
+the war he might never have put pencil to paper for publication. But the
+war insisted.
+
+It is not for his mere editor to forecast his vogue in posterity.
+Naturally I hope it will be a lasting one, but I am prejudiced. Let me,
+however, quote a letter which reached Captain Bairnsfather from
+somewhere in France:
+
+          "Twenty years after peace has been declared there
+          will be no more potent stimulus to the
+          recollections of an old soldier than your
+          admirable sketches of trench life. May I, with all
+          deference, congratulate you on your humour, your
+          fidelity, your something-else not easily
+          defined--I mean your power of expressing in black
+          and white a condition of mind."
+
+I hope that this forecast is a true one. If this sketch book is worthy
+to outlast the days of the war, and to be kept for remembrance on the
+shelves of those who have lived through it, it will have done its bit.
+For will it not be a standing reminder of the _ingloriousness_ of war,
+its preposterous absurdity, and of its futility as a means of settling
+the affairs of nations?
+
+When the ardent Jingo of the day after to-morrow rattles the sabre, let
+there be somewhere handy a copy of "Fragments from France" that can be
+opened in front of him, at any page, just to remind him of what war is
+really like as it is fought in "civilised" times.
+
+Captain Bairnsfather has become a household word--or perhaps one should
+say a trench-hold word. Who is ever the worse for a laugh? Certainly not
+the soldier in trench or dug-out or shell-swept billet. Rather may it be
+said that the Bairnsfather laughter has acted in thousands of cases as
+an antidote to the bane of depression. It is the good fortune of the
+British Army to possess such an antidote, and the ill-fortune of the
+other belligerents that they do not possess its equivalent.
+
+[Illustration: CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER
+
+This picture was taken at the Front, less than a quarter of a mile from
+the German trenches. Captain Bairnsfather has come "straight off the
+mud," and is wearing a fur coat, a Balaclava helmet, and gum boots.
+Immediately behind him is a hole made by a "Jack Johnson" shell.]
+
+A Scots officer, writing in the _Edinburgh Evening News_, hits the true
+sentiment towards Bairnsfather of the Army in France when he writes:
+
+          "To us out here the 'Fragments' are the very
+          quintessence of life. We sit moping over a smoky
+          charcoal fire in a dug-out. Suddenly someone, more
+          wide-awake than others remembers the 'Fragments.'
+          Out it comes, and we laugh uproariously over each
+          picture. For are these not the very things we are
+          witnessing every day, incidents full of tragic
+          humour? The fed-up spirit you see on the faces of
+          Bairnsfather's pictures is a sham--a mask beneath
+          which there lies something that is essentially
+          British."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+In a communication received by Captain Bairnsfather an eminent Member of
+Parliament writes: "You are rising to be a factor in the situation, just
+as Gillray was a factor in the Napoleonic wars." The difference is,
+however, that instead of turning his satire exclusively upon the enemy,
+as did Gillray, Captain Bairnsfather turns his--good-humouredly
+always--on his fellow-warriors. This habit of ours of making fun of
+ourselves has come by now to be fairly well understood by even the most
+sensitive and serious-minded of our continental friends and neighbours.
+It hardly needs nowadays to be pointed out that it is a fixed condition
+of the national life that wherever Britons are working together in any
+common object, whether in school, college, profession, or even warfare,
+they must never _appear_ to be regarding their occupation too seriously.
+Those who know us--and who, nowadays, has the excuse for not knowing us,
+seeing how very much we have been discussed?--understand that our
+frivolity is apparent and not real. Because we have the gift of
+laughter, we are no less appreciative of grim realities than are our
+scowling enemies, and nobody knows that better in these days than those
+scowling enemies themselves.
+
+Their hymns of hate and prayers for punishment have been impotent
+expressions of exasperation at our coolness, deliberation, and
+inflexible determination--qualities they had deluded themselves before
+the war into believing would prove all a sham before the first blast of
+frightfulness. They told themselves that, a war once actually begun, the
+imperturbable pipe-smoking John Bull would be transformed into a
+cowering craven. More complete confusion of this false belief is nowhere
+to be found than in these "Fragments." It ranks as a colossal German
+defeat that successive bloodthirsty assaults upon us by land, sea, and
+air should produce a Bairnsfather, depicting the "contemptible little
+Army," swollen out of all recognition, settling humorously down to war
+as though it were the normal business of life.
+
+"Fed up"? Yes, that is the word by which to describe, if you like, the
+prevalent Bairnsfather expression of countenance. But the kind of
+weariness he depicts is the reverse of the kind that implies "give up."
+_Au contraire, mes amis!_ The "fed-up" Bairnsfather man is a fixture.
+"_J'y suis_," he might exclaim, if he spoke French, "_et il m'embête que
+j'y suis. Je voudrais que je n'y sois pas. Mais j'y suis, et, mes bons
+camarades, par tous les dieux, j'y reste!_"
+
+If the enemy should read in the words "fed up" a sign that our tenacity
+is giving out, he reads it wrong; grim will be the disillusionment of
+any hopes he may build upon his misreading, and even grimmer the anger
+of those whom he may have deluded.
+
+These _verdammte Engländer_ are never what they seem, but are always
+something unpleasantly different. We are the Great Enigma of the war,
+and in our mystery lies our greatest strength. Let us be careful not to
+lose it. Those who would have us simplify ourselves upon the continental
+model, and present to the world a picture of sombre seriousness, are
+asking us to change our national character. Cromwell asked the painter
+to paint him, "warts and all." Bairnsfather sketches us--smiles and all.
+And who would take the smiles off the "dials" of the figures you will
+see on the pages that follow?
+
+[Illustration: Where to Live--[ADVT.]
+
+IN ONE OF THE CHOICEST LOCALITIES OF NORTHERN FRANCE.
+
+TO BE LET (three minutes from German trenches), this attractive and
+
+          WELL-BUILT DUG-OUT,
+
+containing one reception-kitchen-bedroom and UP-TO-DATE FUNK HOLE (4ft.
+by 6ft.), all modern inconveniences, including gas and water. This
+desirable Residence stands one foot above water level, commanding an
+excellent view of the enemy trenches.
+
+          EXCELLENT SHOOTING (SNIPE AND DUCK).
+
+--Particulars of the late Tenant, Room 6, Base Hospital, Bonlog c.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Where did that one go to?"]
+
+
+[Illustration:
+
+          What is this slimy dismal hole
+          Where oft I'm lurking like a mole
+          And cursing Germans heart and soul?
+                              My Dug-Out
+
+          Where is it that beneath the floor
+          The water's rising more and more
+          And where the roof's a broken door?
+                              My Dug-Out
+
+          Where is it that I try to sleep
+          Betwixt alarms, when up I leap
+          And dash through water four feet deep?
+                              My Dug-Out
+
+          Where is it that I'll catch a chill
+          And lose my only quinine pill
+          And probably remain until----
+                              I'm dug out?
+                              My Dug-Out
+
+My Dug-Out: A lay of the trenches.]
+
+
+[Illustration: That Evening Star-shell.
+
+          "Oh, star of eve, whose tender beam
+          Falls on my spirit's troubled dream."
+
+--_Wolfram's Aria in "Tannhäuser."_]
+
+
+[Illustration: "They've evidently seen me."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Situation Shortly Vacant.
+
+In an old-fashioned house in France an opening will shortly occur for a
+young man, with good prospects of getting a rise.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Tactless Teuton.
+
+A member of the Gravediggers' Corps joking with a private in the
+Orphans' Battalion, prior to a frontal attack.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Well, if you knows of a better 'ole, go to it."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Will you be----
+
+mine!
+
+A Proposal in Flanders.
+
+The point of Jean's pitchfork awakens a sense of duty in a mine that
+shirked.]
+
+
+[Illustration: No Possible Doubt Whatever.
+
+Sentry: "'Alt! Who goes there?"
+
+He of the Bundle: "You shut yer ---- mouth, or I'll ---- come and knock
+yer ---- head off!"
+
+Sentry: "Pass, friend!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Gott strafe this barbed wire."]
+
+
+[Illustration: So Obvious.
+
+The Young and Talkative One: "Who made that 'ole?"
+
+The Fed-up One: "Mice."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Fatalist.
+
+"I'm sure they'll 'ear this damn thing squeakin'."]
+
+
+[Illustration: A Maxim Maxim.
+
+"Fire should be withheld till a favourable target presents itself."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Our Adaptable Armies.
+
+Private Jones (late "Zogitoff," the comedy wire artist) appreciably
+reduces the quantity of hate per yard of frontage.]
+
+
+[Illustration: A.D. Nineteen Fifty.
+
+"I see the War Babies' Battalion is a coming out."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Frustrated Ingenuity.
+
+Owing to dawn breaking sooner than he anticipated, that inventive
+fellow, Private Jones, has a trying time with his latest creation, "The
+Little Plugstreet," the sniper's friend.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Keeping His Hand In.
+
+Private Smith, the company bomber, formerly "Shinio," the popular
+juggler, frequently causes considerable anxiety to his platoon.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "---- ---- these ---- ---- rations."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Dear ----
+
+"At present we are staying at a farm..."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Eternal Question.
+
+"When the 'ell is it goin' to be strawberry?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Directing the Way at the Front.
+
+"Yer knows the dead 'orse 'cross the road? Well, keep straight on till
+yer comes to a p'rambulator 'longside a Johnson 'ole."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Late Comer.
+
+"Where 'ave you been? 'Avin' your bloomin' fortune told?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Innocent Abroad.
+
+Out since Mons: "Well, what sort of a night 'ave yer 'ad?"
+
+Novice (but persistent optimist): "Oh, alright. 'Ad to get out and rest
+a bit now and again."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "There goes our blinkin' parapet again."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "We shall attack at Dawn"
+
+"Never mind about that now, drink this."
+
+"The Push"--in Three Chapters.
+
+By one who's been "Pushed."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "The Spirit of our Troops is Excellent."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Things that Matter.
+
+Scene: Loos, during the September offensive.
+
+Colonel Fitz-Shrapnel receives the following message from "G. H.
+Q.":--"Please let us know, as soon as possible, the number of tins of
+raspberry jam issued to you last Friday."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Soldier's Dream.
+
+A "Bitter" disappointment on waking.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Thirst for Reprisals.
+
+"'And me a rifle, someone. I'll give these ----s 'ell for this!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Ideal and the Real.
+
+What we should like to see at our billets--and (inset) what we do see.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Watch me make a fire-bucket of 'is 'elmet."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "That 16-inch Sensation."]
+
+
+[Illustration: That Sword.
+
+How he thought he was going to use it----]
+
+
+[Illustration: ----and how he did use it.]
+
+
+[Illustration: What It Really Feels Like.
+
+To be on patrol duty at night-time.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "The same old moon."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "My dream for years to come."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Coiffure in the Trenches.
+
+"Keep yer 'ead still, or I'll 'ave yer blinkin' ear off."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Another Maxim Maxim.
+
+"Machine guns form a valuable support for infantry."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Our Democratic Army.
+
+Member of Navvies' Battalion (to Colonel): "I say, yer mate's dropped
+'is cane."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Five days leave! Taxi!]
+
+
+[Illustration: Never Again!
+
+"In future I snipe from the ground."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Thoroughness.
+
+"What time shall I call you in the morning, sir?"
+
+(Colonel Chutney, V.C., home on short leave, decides to keep in touch
+with dug-out life.)]
+
+
+[Illustration: That Hat.
+
+"Pop out and get it, Bert."
+
+"Pop out yerself."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Springtime in Flanders.
+
+"Personally, I think this is just what you want for laying your eggs in,
+but, as Bairnsfather says, 'If you knows of a better 'ole, go to it.'"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Dud Shell--Or the Fuse-Top Collector.
+
+"Give it a good 'ard 'un, Bert; you can generally 'ear 'em fizzing a bit
+first if they are a-goin' to explode."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "What's all this about unmarried men?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Historical Touch.
+
+"Well, Alfred, 'ow are the cakes?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: His Initiation.
+
+No. 99988 Private Blobs (on sentry-go) feels that he has at last
+stumbled across the true explanation of that somewhat cryptic
+expression, "There'll be dirty work at the cross-roads to-night!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: When One Would Like to Start an Offensive on One's Own.
+
+RECIPE FOR FEELING LIKE THIS--Bully, biscuits, no coke, and leave just
+cancelled.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Trouble With One of the Souvenirs.
+
+"'Old these a minute while I takes that blinkin' smile off 'is dial."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Conscientious Exhilarator.
+
+"_Every encouragement should be given for singing and
+whistling._"--(Extract from a "Military Manual.")
+
+That painstaking fellow, Lieut. Orpheus, does his best, but finds it
+uphill work at times.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Its only a tumble down nest But--
+
+The Nest.
+
+"'Ere, when you're finished, I'll borrow that there top note of yours to
+clean the knives with."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Those Superstitions.
+
+Private Sandy McNab cheers the assembly by pointing out (with the aid of
+his pocket almanac) that it is Friday the 13th and that their number is
+one too many.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Professional Touch.
+
+"Chuck us out that bag o' bombs, mate; it's under your 'ead."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Happy Memories of the Zoo.
+
+"What Time do they Feed the Sea-Lions, Alf?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Observation.
+
+"'Ave a squint through these 'ere, Bill; you can see one of the ----'s
+eatin' a sausage as clear as anythin'."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Immediate and Important!
+
+Never has Private Smith's face felt so large and smooth as when he hands
+his Captain the following message at what he feels is an unsuitable
+moment: "The G.O.C. notices with regret the tendency of all ranks to
+shave the upper lip. This practice must cease forthwith."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Sir Plantagenet Smythe, at the battle of VIN ORDINAIRE
+"On! On! ye Noble English!"
+
+2nd Lieut. P. Smith, at the taking of "dead-pig" farm "Come on you
+chaps! We'll show these ----s Which side their ---- bread's buttered!"
+
+Other Times, Other Manners.
+
+The Decline of Poetry and Romance in War.]
+
+
+[Illustration: His Dual Obsession.
+
+Owing to the frequent recurrence of this dream, Herr Fritz von
+Lagershifter has decided to take his friends' advice: Give up sausage
+late at night and brood less upon the possible size of the British Army
+next spring.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Communication Trench.
+
+PROBLEM--Whether to walk along the top and risk it, or do another mile
+of this.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Letting Himself Down.
+
+Having omitted to remove the elastic band prior to descent, Herr Franz
+von Flopp feels that the trial exhibition of his new parachute is a
+failure.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Old Saws and New Meanings----By Bairnsfather.
+
+There is certainly a lot of truth in that Napoleonic maxim, "An army
+moves on its stomach."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Nobbled.
+
+"'Ow long are you up for, Bill?"
+
+"Seven years."
+
+"Yer lucky ----, I'm duration."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Intelligence Department.
+
+"Is this 'ere the Warwicks?"
+
+"Nao. 'Indenburg's blinkin' Light Infantry."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Valuable Fragment from Flanders: It All Comes to This in
+Time.
+
+"This interesting fragment, found near Ypres (known to the ancients as
+Wipers), throws a light on a subject which has long puzzled science,
+i.e., what was the origin and meaning of those immense zigzag slots in
+the ground stretching from Ostend to Belfort? There is no doubt that
+there was some inter-tribal war on at this period."--_Extract from_
+"_The Bystander_," A.D. 4916.]
+
+
+[Illustration: In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home.
+
+Having picked up this cherished possession for a mere song at a sale
+near Verdun, the General has now let his country seat, "Shrapnel Park,"
+and says he finds the new abode infinitely cheaper, and not a bit
+draughty, if you keep the breech closed.]
+
+
+[Illustration: In and Out (I).
+
+That last half-hour before "going in" to the same trenches for the 200th
+time.]
+
+
+[Illustration: In and Out (II).
+
+That first half-hour after "coming out" of those same trenches.]
+
+
+[Illustration: THE 1ST BLOBSHIRE RIFLES EXPERT GAS & BOMB MANIPULATORS
+TRENCHES TAKEN AT SHORTEST NOTICE COUNTER ATTACKS QUOTED FOR OUR
+SPECIALITY: HOLDING MINE CRATERS FOR 24 HOURS
+
+TELEGRAPHIC ADDRESS "PLUMAPPLE" PLUGSTREET
+
+Pushfulness at Plug Street.
+
+Colonel Ian Jelloid, of the Blobshire Rifles, being an energetic and
+businesslike man, believes in advertising as an antidote to stagnant
+warfare.]
+
+
+[Illustration: His Secret Sorrow.
+
+"I reckon this bloke must 'ave caught 'is face against some of them
+forts at Verdun!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Are you there?
+
+"Only just"
+
+"S.O.S."
+
+The Hard Lines of Communication.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The New Submarine Danger.
+
+"They'll be torpedoin' us if we stick 'ere much longer, Bill."]
+
+
+[Illustration: This interesting view for 6 months ... or
+
+This for half an hour
+
+War!
+
+--As it is for most of us.]
+
+
+[Illustration: A Matter of Moment.
+
+"What was that, Bill?"
+
+"Trench mortar."
+
+"Ours or theirs?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Saint.
+
+That indiscriminating orb, the moon, gives Private Scattergood a saintly
+appearance, sadly out of keeping with his thoughts. He's filling 100
+sandbags at 11 p.m.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Those Tubular Trenches.
+
+"Is this right for 'eadquarters?"
+
+"Yes, change at Oxford Circus."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Of course, personally I dont think there is anyone
+there"
+
+"Nor do I"
+
+Thinking it over subsequently in Boulogne,--an impression of
+overcrowding predominates in recollections of "straighthing" that bit of
+the line.
+
+"We Look Before----And After."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Con Moto Perpetuo.
+
+"OUR BERT" (going on leave--having asked a question, and having listened
+to three minutes' unintelligible eloquence): "And 'ow does the chorus
+go?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Real Sympathy.
+
+"I wish you'd get something for that ---- cough of yours. That's the
+second time you've blown the blinkin' candle out!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Entanglements.
+
+"Come on, Bert, it's safer in the trenches."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "How long have you got Fred?"
+
+"LEAVE."]
+
+
+[Illustration: There are times when Private Lightfoot feels absolutely
+convinced that it's going to be a War of Exhaustion.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Chat on 'Change.
+
+"You owes me two francs and I owes you one that's got into the lining of
+me coat; that makes it right, don't it?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: General Sir Frampton Prendergasp R.S.V.P. P.T.O. SOS a
+rising and successful general, who is plotting an offensive
+
+The General . . . Cyrus Moffat
+
+Nancy Prendergasp, his daughter, who has gone in for nursing, unknown to
+her father. She is in love with ----
+
+Featuring Miss Sybil Fane
+
+DICK MANVERS a lance Corporal in the pay department, who, after
+extensive & painful researches, has invented a new bomb
+
+"DICK"
+
+Steven Fairbrother
+
+Dick shows his new bomb to the General who decides to use it in the
+offensive
+
+But is overheard and seen by Captain ADRIAN BLACK an unscrupulous
+adventurer in the pay of a powerful Government
+
+That night he is seen by Nancy substituting PLUM & APPLE for The new
+explosive
+
+END OF PART I
+
+PART II
+
+WILL FOLLOW IMMEDIATELY
+
+Flanders Film Mfg Co--Milwaukee, Wisconsin. U.S.A.]
+
+[Illustration: The Offensive begins. The new bomb is found to be equally
+explosive in spite of Captain Black's dark deed
+
+Nancy, who fears disaster, steals her Father's private Howitzer and
+races to the Offensive
+
+Black throws every obstacle in her way
+
+"Dont you know me Dick?"
+
+The General, who has been doing a bit on his own, becomes the unwilling
+witness of a touching scene
+
+The General having heard their story, orders the arrest of Captain Black
+
+How Dick Manvers Got His Star.
+
+Every familiar feature of the Film is happily caricatured by Captain
+Bairnsfather in his amusing page of pictures. The hero, the heroine
+(with smile), the villain, the heavy father, all of the most approved
+pattern--everything down to the meticulous inaccuracy characteristic of
+the American film in matters of detail, is shown with the good-natured
+sarcasm befitting a master of satire as well as of humour, while the
+story tells itself with breathless enthusiasm.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Whip Hand.
+
+Private Mulligatawny (the Australian Stock-whip wonder) frequently
+causes a lot of bother in the enemy's trenches.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Christmas Day: How it dawned for many.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Under the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy
+stands."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Veni 1914
+
+Vidi 1915
+
+Vici! 1916
+
+Augusts Three.
+
+To each year its type.]
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Overheard in an Orchard.
+
+Said the Apple to the Plum: "Well, anyway, old man, they can never ask
+us what we did in the great war!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: LEARN To FIGHT
+
+Anyone with a taste for Fishing, or Moth Collecting can learn to fight.
+
+Anyone can put a hook in a worm, or a pin in a moth. WE DEVELOP THAT
+INSTINCT, and by our Postal Course of Instruction, will help you to earn
+big money by fighting
+
+Subjects Taught:--
+
+Bayonet work, bombing, & asphyxiation.
+
+This sketch shows the work of a former pupil. Try this exercise yourself
+on a friend, and tell us the result. We will at once tell you your
+chances of success.
+
+A lieutenant writes:--
+
+Unfortunately I had not got as far as your chapter on Upper Cuts or I
+feel sure I should not be where I am now
+
+yrs truly
+
+Clearing Station GezainCourt.
+
+Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+The demand for fighters exceeds the supply
+
+Write today
+
+The Asphyxobomb School of Instruction
+
+[Advt] Hooge.
+
+
+Tips for Tommies.
+
+Now that the war has become a world business, we must at any moment
+expect the appearance of this sort of thing in our papers.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Whilst the preliminary bombardment is on, one gets the
+idea that this is what's happening to the enemy machine guns.
+
+Yet somehow or other, when one starts for that 220 yards handicap across
+the turnip field, it feels something like this.
+
+Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+The Offensive.
+
+What it looks like--and what it feels like.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "The Imminent, Deadly Breach."
+
+"Mind you don't fall through the seat of yer trousers, 'Arry!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Two minds with but a single thought, two hearts that beat
+as one.
+
+Telepathy.
+
+"Two minds with but a single thought."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Trouville-sur-Somme.
+
+"Tell 'er to 'op it, Bert. I'm sittin' on a bit o' shell or
+somethin'."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Omar the Optimist.
+
+          "Here with a loaf of bread beneath the row,
+          A muttered curse, but ne'er a whine, and thou--
+          Beside me, singing in the wilderness,
+          The wilderness is Paradise enow."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Where do yer want this put, Sargint?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Coming to the Point.
+
+"Let's 'ave this pin of yours a minute. I'll soon 'ave these winkles out
+of 'ere."]
+
+
+[Illustration: A Castle in the Air.
+
+"A few more, Bert, and that there château won't be worth livin' in."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Freedom of the Seas.
+
+"I wish they'd 'old this war in England--don't you, Bill?" (No
+answer.)]
+
+
+[Illustration: In Dixie-Land.
+
+"Well, Friday--'ow's Crusoe?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Alas! Poor Herr Von Yorick!
+
+Fricourt--July, 1916.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Those Signals.
+
+THE VIGILANT ONE: "I say, old chap, what does two green lights and one
+red one mean?"
+
+RECUMBENT GLADIATOR (just back from leave): "Two crêmes de menthe and a
+cherry brandy!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: His Christmas Goose.
+
+"You wait till I comes off dooty!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Urgent.
+
+"Quick, afore this comes down!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: That tin hat feels something like this on the way to the
+Offensive
+
+And about like this when you get there
+
+My Hat!
+
+Helmets, Shrapnel, One.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Candid Friend.
+
+"Well, yer know, I like the photo of you in your gas mask best."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Long and the Short of It.
+
+UP LAST DRAFT: "I suppose you 'as to be careful 'ow you looks over the
+parapet about 'ere."
+
+OUT SINCE MONS: "You needn't worry, me lad; the rats are going to be
+your only trouble."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Old Moore" at the Front.
+
+"As far as I can make out from this 'ere prophecy-book, Bill, the
+seventh year is going to be the worst, and after that every
+fourteenth!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Supra-Normal.
+
+Captain Mills-Bomme's temperature cracks the thermometer on seeing his
+recent daring exploits described as "On our right there is nothing to
+report."
+
+(_He and his battalion had merely occupied three lines of German
+trenches, and held them through a storm of heavy Lyddite for forty-eight
+hours._)]
+
+
+[Illustration: 'old these ---- biscuits a minute while I 'as a go at
+this ---- stuff
+
+"Where the ---- 'ell are ye comin to!"
+
+"---- your ---- eyes you can ---- well carry these ---- things yerself"
+
+"yer ---- well wants elephants for this job"
+
+Tactical Developments.
+
+Private 9998 Blobs has always thought a machine for imitating the sound
+of ration parties (and thus drawing fire) an excellent idea, but simply
+hates his evening for working it.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Bang Bang
+
+Crash
+
+Bang
+
+Crash
+
+That "Out Wiring" Sensation.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Natural History of the War
+
+The Flanders Sea Lion (Leo Maritimus).
+
+"An almost extinct amphibian, first discovered in Flanders during the
+Winter of 1914-15. Feeds almost exclusively on Plum and Apple Jam and
+Rum. Only savage when the latter is knocked off."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Things that Irritate.
+
+Private Wm. Jones is not half so annoyed at accidentally falling down
+the mine crater as he is at hearing two friends murmuring the first
+verse of "Don't go down the mine, Daddy."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Still Keeping His Hand In.
+
+Private Smith (late Shinio, the popular juggler) appreciably lowers the
+protective value of his section's shrapnel helmets by practising his
+celebrated plate and basin spinning act.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Those ---- Mouth-Organs.
+
+"Keep away from the 'ive, Bert; 'e's goin' to sting yer!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Garcong! the bill, tres vite!
+
+That Provost-Marshal Feeling.
+
+A sensation only to be had at a Base--in other words, a base
+sensation.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Blighty!]
+
+
+[Illustration: Those Raiders at the Seat of War.
+
+"I wish the 'ell you'd put a cork on that blinkin' pin of yours,
+Bert!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Romance, 1917.
+
+"Darling, every potato that I have is yours" (engaged).]
+
+
+[Illustration: Modern Topography.
+
+"Well, you see, here's the church and there's the post-office."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "There Was a Young Man of Cologne."
+
+(I've forgotten the rest of the poem, but it's something about "a bomb"
+and "If only he'd known.")]
+
+
+[Illustration: In the Support Trench.
+
+Old Bill has practically decided to get Private Shinio (the
+ex-comedy-juggler and hand-balancer) transferred to another platoon.]
+
+
+[Illustration: It's the Little Things that Worry.
+
+What is so particularly annoying to Private Lovebird is, that he would
+not have had this bother with his dug-out if his leave had not been
+postponed.]
+
+
+[Illustration: That Periscope Sensation.
+
+"I wonder if I oughtn't to tell the captain about that thing sticking up
+in the sea over there."]
+
+
+[Illustration: At the Brewery Baths.
+
+"You chuck another sardine at me, my lad, and you'll hear from my
+solicitors."]
+
+
+[Illustration: A Miner Success.
+
+"They must 'ave 'ad some good news or somethin', Alf; you can 'ear 'em
+cheerin' quite plain."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Birds of Ill Omen.
+
+"There's evidently goin' to be an offensive around 'ere, Bert."]
+
+
+[Illustration: If Only They'd Make "Old Bill" President of Those
+Tribunals.
+
+"Well, what's your job, me lad?"
+
+"Making spots for rocking-horses, sir."
+
+"Three months."
+
+"Exemption, sir?"
+
+"Nao, exemption be ----d! Three months' hard!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Stars is funny things aint they Bill"
+
+"Yes--funny!"
+
+The Stargazers.
+
+--and their return to earth.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Down at the Ration Dump.
+
+"Call me a Tank again, my lad, and I'll knock yer ---- 'ead off!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Glorious Fifth.
+
+"'Ere, Guy Fawkes--buzz off!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Yes, you are, one pound nineteen and elevenpence
+overdrawn, and that includes next month's pay"
+
+Cox's.
+
+When one feels rather in favour of floating a War Loan of one's own.]
+
+
+[Illustration: This Muddy War.
+
+"These 'ere staff cars do splash a lot, don't they, Bill?" (No
+answer.)]
+
+
+[Illustration: Unappetising.
+
+Moments when the Savoy, the Alhambra, and the Piccadilly Grill seem very
+far away (the offensive starts in half an hour).]
+
+
+[Illustration: Fred's got leave!
+
+That Leave Train
+
+Second lieutenant Enoch Arden arrives on leave
+
+Fred!
+
+"The train was a bit late darling"
+
+That "Leave" Train.]
+
+
+[Illustration: One often hears the question:--
+
+"What could Napoleon have done in the Great War?"
+
+He could certainly not have gone in for this
+
+It would have to be this, or nothing
+
+Other Times----Other Manners.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Tourists, 19..?
+
+"Remember this place, Bert?"
+
+"Yes, it's where we used to chuck the fish to you, ain't it, Bill?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Alas! My poor Brother!
+
+(_In this cartoon Captain Bairnsfather refers to the report that the
+corpses of German soldiers fallen in battle were utilised in a
+Corpse-Conversion Factory for the purpose of providing fats for the
+Fatherland._)]
+
+
+[Illustration: Can-Tank-erous.
+
+"'Ere! Where the 'ell are ye comin' with that Turkish bath o' yours?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Curfew.
+
+What particularly annoys Lieutenant Jones, R.F.A. (who thought he could
+get a better view from the belfry), is that irritating prediction which
+keeps passing through his head, "The curfew shall not ring to-night."]
+
+
+[Illustration: TAISEZ VOUS! MÉFIEZ VOUS  LES OREILLES ENSEMBLE VOUS
+ÉCOUTENT
+
+On the "Leave" Train.
+
+You will never quite realise how closely we are bound to our French Ally
+until you have had the good fortune to travel on one of those "leave"
+trains--six a side, windows shut, fifty miles to go, and eighteen hours
+to do it!]
+
+
+[Illustration: Getting the Local Colour.
+
+In that rare and elusive period known as "Leave" it is necessary to
+reconstruct the "Atmosphere" of the front as far as possible in order to
+produce the weekly "Fragment."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Ghost of Dead Pig Farm--19..?
+
+At midnight, an indignant, husky voice is heard to say: "B---- these
+blinkin' sandbags."]
+
+
+[Illustration: George versus Germany.
+
+Should Mr. Robey be at any time called upon to go to the Front, he must
+be careful how he does this: "I'm surprised at you, Ludendorff!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: A Puzzle for Paderewski.
+
+"It's a pity Alf ain't 'ere, Bert; 'e can play the piana wonderful."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Substitutes" in the Field.
+
+"I thought you said your uncle was a sending you an umbrella."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Leave.
+
+Dep.: Paddington 2.15. Arr. Home 4.]
+
+
+[Illustration: ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917.--Four-seated Coupé body (très
+coupé). Hardly been used, beautifully finished (almost completely). One
+dickey seat (_very_ dickey), detachable rims (two already detached).
+Only driven 10 miles (Albert to Gommecourt). Excellent shock absorber
+(has absorbed any amount). In exceptional condition. £650 (or good bath
+chair). BARGAIN.--Captain Somepush, No. 2, Red Cross, Rouen.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Merely a Warning.
+
+You dirty dog
+
+To those who may be contemplating picking up a Government car cheaply
+after the war. Insist on seeing photograph. Don't be satisfied by just
+reading the advertisements.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Transcriber's notes:
+
+With the three noted exceptions, punctuation anomalies were retained to
+match the original drawings. The exceptions are in the books printed
+explanations, not in any cartoon.
+
+Page 5, period added to illustration caption ("Jack Johnson" shell.)
+
+Page 112, single opening quote changed to double. ("You wait till I)
+
+Page 125, period added to title of picture to match rest of format (That
+Provost-Marshal Feeling.)
+
+Pages 93 and 98 were halves of the same comic. They were reattached to
+aid readability. The original text can be found in the html version.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fragments From France, by 
+Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRAGMENTS FROM FRANCE ***
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+***** This file should be named 25951-8.txt or 25951-8.zip *****
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+
+Project Gutenberg's Fragments From France, by Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Fragments From France
+
+Author: Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+Release Date: July 2, 2008 [EBook #25951]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRAGMENTS FROM FRANCE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Emmy and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 269px;">
+<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="269" height="400" alt="Cover" title="Cover" />
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h3><i><span class='u'>By Bruce Bairnsfather</span></i></h3>
+
+<h4>Bullets and Billets</h4>
+
+<h4>Fragments from France</h4>
+
+<div class='center'><b>A Few Fragments from His Life</b></div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p>
+<h1>FRAGMENTS<br />
+FROM FRANCE</h1>
+
+
+<h3>BY</h3>
+
+<h2>CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>AUTHOR OF "BULLETS AND BILLETS"<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 24px;">
+<img src="images/flower.png" width="24" height="25" alt="flower" title="flower" />
+</div>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><br />
+G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS<br />
+NEW YORK AND LONDON<br />
+The Knickerbocker Press<br />
+1917<br /></div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<div class='tnote'><b>Transcriber's Note:</b> Where text is included in a cartoon and a closer look would be
+aid in readability, links are provided to larger images. These links are indicated
+by underlines on the caption title providing your browser supports such linking.</div>
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>FOREWORD</h2>
+
+<div class='center'><i>By the Editor of "The Bystander."</i></div>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 100px;">
+<img src="images/w.png" width="100" height="79" alt="W" title="W" />
+</div><div class='unindent'><br />HEN Tommy went out to the great war, he went
+smiling, and singing the latest ditty of the halls. The
+enemy scowled. War, said his professors of kultur
+and his hymnsters of hate, could never be waged in the Tipperary
+spirit, and the nation that sent to the front soldiers who sang and
+laughed must be the very decadent England they had all along
+denounced as unworthy of world-power.</div>
+
+<p>I fear the enemy will be even more infuriated when he turns
+over the pages of this book. In it the spirit of the British citizen
+soldier, who, hating war as he
+hated hell, flocked to the
+colours to have his whack at
+the apostles of blood and iron,
+is translated to cold and permanent
+print. Here is the
+great war reduced to grim and
+gruesome absurdity. It is not
+fun poked by a mere looker-on,
+it is the fun felt in the war by
+one who has been through it.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 301px;">
+<img src="images/illus004.jpg" width="301" height="400" alt="CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER." title="CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER." />
+<span class="caption">CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
+has stayed at that
+"farm" which is portrayed in
+the double page of the book;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span>
+he has endured that shell-swept "'ole" that is depicted on the cover;
+he has watched the disappearance of that "blinkin' parapet" shown
+on one page; has had his hair cut under fire as shown on another.
+And having been through it all, he has just put down what he has
+seen and heard and felt and smelt and&mdash;laughed at.</p>
+
+<p>Captain Bairnsfather went to the front in no mood of a "chiel
+takin' notes." It was the notes that took him. Before the war,
+some time a regular soldier, some time an engineer, he had little
+other idea than to sketch for mischief, on walls and shirt cuffs, and
+tablecloths. Without the war he might never have put pencil to
+paper for publication. But the war insisted.</p>
+
+<p>It is not for his mere editor to forecast his vogue in posterity.
+Naturally I hope it will be a lasting one, but I am prejudiced. Let
+me, however, quote a letter which reached Captain Bairnsfather
+from somewhere in France:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Twenty years after peace has been declared there will
+be no more potent stimulus to the recollections of an old
+soldier than your admirable sketches of trench life. May
+I, with all deference, congratulate you on your humour,
+your fidelity, your something-else not easily defined&mdash;I
+mean your power of expressing in black and white a condition
+of mind."</p></div>
+
+<p>I hope that this forecast is a true one. If this sketch book is
+worthy to outlast the days of the war, and to be kept for remembrance
+on the shelves of those who have lived through it, it will
+have done its bit. For will it not be a standing reminder of the
+<i>ingloriousness</i> of war, its preposterous absurdity, and of its futility
+as a means of settling the affairs of nations?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figright" style="width: 169px;">
+<img src="images/illus006.jpg" width="169" height="300" alt="CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER" title="CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER" />
+<span class="caption">CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER<br />
+<small>This picture was taken at the Front, less than a
+quarter of a mile from the German trenches.
+Captain Bairnsfather has come "straight off the
+mud," and is wearing a fur coat, a Balaclava
+helmet, and gum boots. Immediately behind
+him is a hole made by a "Jack Johnson" shell.</small></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>When the ardent Jingo of the day after to-morrow rattles the
+sabre, let there be somewhere handy a copy of "Fragments from
+France" that can be opened in front of him, at any page, just to
+remind him of what war is really like as it is fought in "civilised"
+times.</p>
+
+<p>Captain Bairnsfather has become a household word&mdash;or perhaps
+one should say a trench-hold word. Who is ever the worse for a
+laugh? Certainly not the soldier in trench or dug-out or shell-swept
+billet. Rather may it be said that the Bairnsfather laughter
+has acted in thousands of cases as an antidote to the bane of
+depression. It is the good fortune of the British Army to possess
+such an antidote, and the ill-fortune
+of the other belligerents
+that they do not possess its
+equivalent.</p>
+
+
+<p>A Scots officer, writing in the
+<i>Edinburgh Evening News</i>, hits the
+true sentiment towards Bairnsfather
+of the Army in France
+when he writes:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"To us out here the
+'Fragments' are the very
+quintessence of life. We
+sit moping over a smoky
+charcoal fire in a dug-out.
+Suddenly someone, more
+wide-awake than others remembers
+the 'Fragments.'
+Out it comes, and we laugh<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span>
+uproariously over each picture. For are these not the
+very things we are witnessing every day, incidents full of
+tragic humour? The fed-up spirit you see on the faces of
+Bairnsfather's pictures is a sham&mdash;a mask beneath which
+there lies something that is essentially British."</p></div>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 182px;">
+<img src="images/illus007.png" width="182" height="300" alt="Man smoking" title="Man smoking" />
+</div>
+
+<p>In a communication received by Captain Bairnsfather an eminent
+Member of Parliament writes: "You are rising to be a factor
+in the situation, just as Gillray was a factor in the Napoleonic
+wars." The difference is, however, that instead of turning his
+satire exclusively upon the enemy, as did Gillray, Captain Bairnsfather
+turns his&mdash;good-humouredly always&mdash;on
+his fellow-warriors. This habit of ours of
+making fun of ourselves has come by now to
+be fairly well understood by even the most
+sensitive and serious-minded of our continental
+friends and neighbours. It hardly needs nowadays
+to be pointed out that it is a fixed condition
+of the national life that wherever Britons are
+working together in any common object, whether in school, college,
+profession, or even warfare, they must never <i>appear</i> to be regarding
+their occupation too seriously. Those who know us&mdash;and who,
+nowadays, has the excuse for not knowing us, seeing how very
+much we have been discussed?&mdash;understand that our frivolity is
+apparent and not real. Because we have the gift of laughter, we
+are no less appreciative of grim realities than are our scowling
+enemies, and nobody knows that better in these days than those
+scowling enemies themselves.</p>
+
+<p>Their hymns of hate and prayers for punishment have been
+impotent expressions of exasperation at our coolness, deliberation,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span>
+and inflexible determination&mdash;qualities they had deluded themselves
+before the war into believing would prove all a sham before
+the first blast of frightfulness. They told themselves that, a war
+once actually begun, the imperturbable pipe-smoking John Bull
+would be transformed into a cowering craven. More complete
+confusion of this false belief is nowhere to be found than in these
+"Fragments." It ranks as a colossal German defeat that successive
+bloodthirsty assaults upon us by land, sea, and air should
+produce a Bairnsfather, depicting the "contemptible little Army,"
+swollen out of all recognition, settling humorously down to war as
+though it were the normal business of life.</p>
+
+<p>"Fed up"? Yes, that is the word by which to describe, if you
+like, the prevalent Bairnsfather expression of countenance. But
+the kind of weariness he depicts is the reverse of the kind that
+implies "give up." <i>Au contraire, mes amis!</i> The "fed-up"
+Bairnsfather man is a fixture. "<i>J'y suis</i>," he might exclaim, if he
+spoke French, "<i>et il m'emb&ecirc;te que j'y suis. Je voudrais que je n'y sois
+pas. Mais j'y suis, et, mes bons camarades, par tous les dieux, j'y
+reste!</i>"</p>
+
+<p>If the enemy should read in the words "fed up" a sign that our
+tenacity is giving out, he reads it wrong; grim will be the disillusionment
+of any hopes he may build upon his misreading, and
+even grimmer the anger of those whom he may have deluded.</p>
+
+<p>These <i>verdammte Engl&auml;nder</i> are never what they seem, but are
+always something unpleasantly different. We are the Great Enigma
+of the war, and in our mystery lies our greatest strength. Let
+us be careful not to lose it. Those who would have us simplify
+ourselves upon the continental model, and present to the world
+a picture of sombre seriousness, are asking us to change our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span>
+national character. Cromwell asked the painter to paint him,
+"warts and all." Bairnsfather sketches us&mdash;smiles and all. And
+who would take the smiles off the "dials" of the figures you will
+see on the pages that follow?</p>
+<div class='bbox'>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"><span class="caption">Where to Live&mdash;[ADVT.]</span>
+<img src="images/illus009.jpg" width="300" height="207" alt="Where to Live&mdash;[ADVT.]" title="Where to Live&mdash;[ADVT.]" />
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'><b><small>IN ONE OF THE CHOICEST LOCALITIES OF
+NORTHERN FRANCE.</small></b></div>
+
+<div class='unindent'><b><small>TO BE LET (three minutes from German trenches), this attractive and</small></b></div>
+
+<div class='center'>
+<small><b>WELL-BUILT DUG-OUT,</b></small><br />
+</div>
+
+<div class='unindent'><b><small>containing one reception-kitchen-bedroom and UP-TO-DATE FUNK
+HOLE (4ft. by 6ft.), all modern inconveniences, including gas and water.
+This desirable Residence stands one foot above water level, commanding an
+excellent view of the enemy trenches.</small></b></div>
+
+<div class='center'>
+<small><b>EXCELLENT SHOOTING (SNIPE AND DUCK).</b></small><br />
+<b><small>&mdash;Particulars of the late Tenant, Room 6, Base Hospital, Bonlog c.</small></b></div></div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 379px;">
+<img src="images/illus010.jpg" width="379" height="500" alt="&quot;Where did that one go to?&quot;" title="&quot;Where did that one go to?&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;Where did that one go to?&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 364px;">
+<img src="images/illus011.jpg" width="364" height="500" alt="My Dug-Out: A lay of the trenches." title="My Dug-Out: A lay of the trenches." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus011-big.jpg">My Dug-Out: A lay of the trenches.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 344px;">
+<img src="images/illus012.jpg" width="344" height="500" alt="That Evening Star-shell." title="That Evening Star-shell." />
+<span class="caption">That Evening Star-shell.</span>
+</div>
+<div class='poem'>
+"Oh, star of eve, whose tender beam<br />
+<span style="margin-left: .5em;">Falls on my spirit's troubled dream."</span><br />
+</div>
+
+<div class='sig'><span style="margin-right: 6em;">&mdash;<i>Wolfram's Aria in "Tannh&auml;user."</i></span></div>
+
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 348px;">
+<img src="images/illus013.jpg" width="348" height="500" alt="&quot;They&#39;ve evidently seen me.&quot;" title="&quot;They&#39;ve evidently seen me.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;They&#39;ve evidently seen me.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 357px;">
+<img src="images/illus014.jpg" width="357" height="500" alt="Situation Shortly Vacant." title="Situation Shortly Vacant." />
+<span class="caption">Situation Shortly Vacant.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>In an old-fashioned house in France an opening will shortly occur for a
+young man, with good prospects of getting a rise.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 363px;">
+<img src="images/illus015.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="The Tactless Teuton." title="The Tactless Teuton." />
+<span class="caption">The Tactless Teuton.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>A member of the Gravediggers' Corps joking with a private in the Orphans'
+Battalion, prior to a frontal attack.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 375px;">
+<img src="images/illus016.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="&quot;Well, if you knows of a better &#39;ole, go to it.&quot;" title="&quot;Well, if you knows of a better &#39;ole, go to it.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;Well, if you knows of a better &#39;ole, go to it.&quot;</span>
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 368px;">
+<img src="images/illus017.jpg" width="368" height="500" alt="A Proposal in Flanders." title="A Proposal in Flanders." />
+<span class="caption">A Proposal in Flanders.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>The point of Jean's pitchfork awakens a sense of duty in a mine that
+shirked.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 355px;">
+<img src="images/illus018.jpg" width="355" height="500" alt="No Possible Doubt Whatever." title="No Possible Doubt Whatever." />
+<span class="caption">No Possible Doubt Whatever.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>Sentry: "'Alt! Who goes there?"</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>He of the Bundle: "You shut yer &mdash;&mdash; mouth, or I'll &mdash;&mdash; come
+and knock yer &mdash;&mdash; head off!"</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>Sentry: "Pass, friend!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 369px;">
+<img src="images/illus019.jpg" width="369" height="500" alt="&quot;Gott strafe this barbed wire.&quot;" title="&quot;Gott strafe this barbed wire.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;Gott strafe this barbed wire.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 361px;">
+<img src="images/illus020.jpg" width="361" height="500" alt="So Obvious." title="So Obvious." />
+<span class="caption">So Obvious.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>The Young and Talkative One: "Who made that 'ole?"</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>The Fed-up One: "Mice."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 355px;">
+<img src="images/illus021.jpg" width="355" height="500" alt="The Fatalist." title="The Fatalist." />
+<span class="caption">The Fatalist.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>I'm sure they'll 'ear this damn thing squeakin'."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 354px;">
+<img src="images/illus022.jpg" width="354" height="500" alt="A Maxim Maxim." title="A Maxim Maxim." />
+<span class="caption">A Maxim Maxim.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Fire should be withheld till a favourable target presents itself."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 321px;">
+<img src="images/illus023.jpg" width="321" height="400" alt="Our Adaptable Armies." title="Our Adaptable Armies." />
+<span class="caption">Our Adaptable Armies.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Private Jones (late "Zogitoff," the comedy
+wire artist) appreciably reduces the quantity
+of hate per yard of frontage.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 356px;">
+<img src="images/illus025.jpg" width="356" height="500" alt="A.D. Nineteen Fifty." title="A.D. Nineteen Fifty." />
+<span class="caption">A.D. Nineteen Fifty.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"I see the War Babies' Battalion is a coming out."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 356px;">
+<img src="images/illus026.jpg" width="356" height="500" alt="Frustrated Ingenuity." title="Frustrated Ingenuity." />
+<span class="caption">Frustrated Ingenuity.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Owing to dawn breaking sooner than he anticipated, that inventive fellow,
+Private Jones, has a trying time with his latest creation, "The Little
+Plugstreet," the sniper's friend.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 360px;">
+<img src="images/illus027.jpg" width="360" height="500" alt="Keeping His Hand In." title="Keeping His Hand In." />
+<span class="caption">Keeping His Hand In.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Private Smith, the company bomber, formerly "Shinio," the popular
+juggler, frequently causes considerable anxiety to his platoon.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus028.jpg" width="500" height="351" alt="&quot;&mdash;&mdash; &mdash;&mdash; these &mdash;&mdash; &mdash;&mdash; rations.&quot;" title="&quot;&mdash;&mdash; &mdash;&mdash; these &mdash;&mdash; &mdash;&mdash; rations.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;&mdash;&mdash; &mdash;&mdash; these &mdash;&mdash; &mdash;&mdash; rations.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus029.jpg" width="500" height="320" alt="Dear &mdash;&mdash;" title="Dear &mdash;&mdash;" />
+<span class="caption">Dear &mdash;&mdash;</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"At present we are staying at a farm.&nbsp;.&nbsp;."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 358px;">
+<img src="images/illus030.jpg" width="358" height="500" alt="The Eternal Question." title="The Eternal Question." />
+<span class="caption">The Eternal Question.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"When the 'ell is it goin' to be strawberry?"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 346px;">
+<img src="images/illus031.jpg" width="346" height="500" alt="Directing the Way at the Front." title="Directing the Way at the Front." />
+<span class="caption">Directing the Way at the Front.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Yer knows the dead 'orse 'cross the road? Well, keep straight on till yer
+comes to a p'rambulator 'longside a Johnson 'ole."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 366px;">
+<img src="images/illus032.jpg" width="366" height="500" alt="The Late Comer." title="The Late Comer." />
+<span class="caption">The Late Comer.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Where 'ave you been? 'Avin' your
+bloomin' fortune told?"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 363px;">
+<img src="images/illus033.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="The Innocent Abroad." title="The Innocent Abroad." />
+<span class="caption">The Innocent Abroad.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>Out since Mons: "Well, what sort of a night 'ave yer 'ad?"</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>Novice (but persistent optimist): "Oh, alright. 'Ad to get out and rest
+a bit now and again."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 352px;">
+<img src="images/illus034.jpg" width="352" height="500" alt="&quot;There goes our blinkin&#39; parapet again.&quot;" title="&quot;There goes our blinkin&#39; parapet again.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;There goes our blinkin&#39; parapet again.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 345px;">
+<img src="images/illus035.jpg" width="345" height="500" alt="&quot;The Push&quot;&mdash;in Three Chapters." title="&quot;The Push&quot;&mdash;in Three Chapters." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus035-big.jpg">&quot;The Push&quot;&mdash;in Three Chapters.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>By one who's been "Pushed."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 355px;">
+<img src="images/illus036.jpg" width="355" height="500" alt="&quot;The Spirit of our Troops is Excellent.&quot;" title="&quot;The Spirit of our Troops is Excellent.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;The Spirit of our Troops is Excellent.&quot;</span>
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 365px;">
+<img src="images/illus037.jpg" width="365" height="500" alt="The Things that Matter." title="The Things that Matter." />
+<span class="caption">The Things that Matter.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Scene: Loos, during the September offensive.</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>Colonel Fitz-Shrapnel receives the following message from "G. H. Q.":&mdash;<br />"Please
+let us know, as soon as possible, the number of tins of raspberry
+jam issued to you last Friday."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 320px;">
+<img src="images/illus038.jpg" width="320" height="500" alt="The Soldier&#39;s Dream." title="The Soldier&#39;s Dream." />
+<span class="caption">The Soldier&#39;s Dream.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>A "Bitter" disappointment on waking.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 370px;">
+<img src="images/illus039.jpg" width="370" height="500" alt="The Thirst for Reprisals." title="The Thirst for Reprisals." />
+<span class="caption">The Thirst for Reprisals.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"'And me a rifle, someone. I'll give these &mdash;&mdash;s 'ell for this!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus040.jpg" width="500" height="306" alt="The Ideal and the Real." title="The Ideal and the Real." />
+<span class="caption">The Ideal and the Real.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>What we should like to see at our billets&mdash;and
+(inset) what we do see.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus041.jpg" width="500" height="297" alt="&quot;Watch me make a fire-bucket of &#39;is &#39;elmet.&quot;" title="&quot;Watch me make a fire-bucket of &#39;is &#39;elmet.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;Watch me make a fire-bucket of &#39;is &#39;elmet.&quot;</span>
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 367px;">
+<img src="images/illus042.jpg" width="367" height="500" alt="&quot;That 16-inch Sensation.&quot;" title="&quot;That 16-inch Sensation.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;That 16-inch Sensation.&quot;</span>
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus043a.jpg" width="500" height="367" alt="That Sword." title="That Sword." />
+<span class="caption">That Sword.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>How he thought he was going to use it&mdash;&mdash;</div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus043b.jpg" width="500" height="367" alt="&mdash;&mdash;and how he did use it." title="&mdash;&mdash;and how he did use it." />
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span></p>
+<div class='center'>&mdash;&mdash;and how he did use it.</div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 357px;">
+<img src="images/illus045.jpg" width="357" height="500" alt="What It Really Feels Like." title="What It Really Feels Like." />
+<span class="caption">What It Really Feels Like.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>To be on patrol duty at night-time.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 358px;">
+<img src="images/illus046.jpg" width="358" height="500" alt="&quot;The same old moon.&quot;" title="&quot;The same old moon.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus046-big.jpg">&quot;The same old moon.&quot;</a></span>
+</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 351px;">
+<img src="images/illus047.jpg" width="351" height="500" alt="&quot;My dream for years to come.&quot;" title="&quot;My dream for years to come.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;My dream for years to come.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 364px;">
+<img src="images/illus048.jpg" width="364" height="500" alt="Coiffure in the Trenches." title="Coiffure in the Trenches." />
+<span class="caption">Coiffure in the Trenches.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Keep yer 'ead still, or I'll 'ave yer blinkin' ear off."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus049.jpg" width="350" height="500" alt="Another Maxim Maxim." title="Another Maxim Maxim." />
+<span class="caption">Another Maxim Maxim.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Machine guns form a valuable support for infantry."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 372px;">
+<img src="images/illus050.jpg" width="372" height="500" alt="Our Democratic Army." title="Our Democratic Army." />
+<span class="caption">Our Democratic Army.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Member of Navvies' Battalion (to Colonel): "I say, yer mate's dropped
+'is cane."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 341px;">
+<img src="images/illus051.jpg" width="341" height="500" alt="Five days leave! Taxi!" title="Five days leave! Taxi!" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 362px;">
+<img src="images/illus052.jpg" width="362" height="500" alt="Never Again!" title="Never Again!" />
+<span class="caption">Never Again!</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"In future I snipe from the ground."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 367px;">
+<img src="images/illus053.jpg" width="367" height="500" alt="Thoroughness." title="Thoroughness." />
+<span class="caption">Thoroughness.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"What time shall I call you in the morning, sir?"</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>(Colonel Chutney, V.C., home on short leave, decides to keep in touch with
+dug-out life.)</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 371px;">
+<img src="images/illus054.jpg" width="371" height="500" alt="That Hat." title="That Hat." />
+<span class="caption">That Hat.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div><span style="margin-left: 10em;">"Pop out and get it, Bert."</span></div>
+
+<div><span style="margin-left: 10em;">"Pop out yerself."</span></div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 254px;">
+<img src="images/illus055.jpg" width="254" height="500" alt="Springtime in Flanders." title="Springtime in Flanders." />
+<span class="caption">Springtime in Flanders.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Personally, I think this is just what you want
+for laying your eggs in, but, as Bairnsfather says,
+'If you knows of a better 'ole, go to it.'"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 373px;">
+<img src="images/illus056.jpg" width="373" height="500" alt="The Dud Shell&mdash;Or the Fuse-Top Collector." title="The Dud Shell&mdash;Or the Fuse-Top Collector." />
+<span class="caption">The Dud Shell&mdash;Or the Fuse-Top Collector.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Give it a good 'ard 'un, Bert; you can generally 'ear 'em fizzing a bit first
+if they are a-goin' to explode."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 438px;">
+<img src="images/illus057.jpg" width="438" height="500" alt="&quot;What&#39;s all this about unmarried men?&quot;" title="&quot;What&#39;s all this about unmarried men?&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;What&#39;s all this about unmarried men?&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 361px;">
+<img src="images/illus058.jpg" width="361" height="500" alt="The Historical Touch." title="The Historical Touch." />
+<span class="caption">The Historical Touch.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Well, Alfred, 'ow are the cakes?"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus059.jpg" width="500" height="331" alt="His Initiation." title="His Initiation." />
+<span class="caption">His Initiation.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>No. 99988 Private Blobs (on sentry-go) feels that he has at last stumbled across the true explanation of that
+somewhat cryptic expression, "There'll be dirty work at the cross-roads to-night!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 352px;">
+<img src="images/illus060.jpg" width="352" height="500" alt="When One Would Like to Start an Offensive on One&#39;s Own." title="When One Would Like to Start an Offensive on One&#39;s Own." />
+<span class="caption">When One Would Like to Start an Offensive on One&#39;s Own.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'><span class="smcap">Recipe for Feeling Like This</span>&mdash;Bully, biscuits, no coke, and leave just
+cancelled.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 340px;">
+<img src="images/illus061.jpg" width="340" height="500" alt="Trouble With One of the Souvenirs." title="Trouble With One of the Souvenirs." />
+<span class="caption">Trouble With One of the Souvenirs.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"'Old these a minute while I takes that blinkin' smile off 'is dial."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 369px;">
+<img src="images/illus062.jpg" width="369" height="500" alt="The Conscientious Exhilarator." title="The Conscientious Exhilarator." />
+<span class="caption">The Conscientious Exhilarator.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"<i>Every encouragement should be given for singing and whistling.</i>"&mdash;(Extract
+from a "Military Manual.")</div>
+
+<div class='center'>That painstaking fellow, Lieut. Orpheus, does his best, but finds it uphill
+work at times.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 394px;">
+<img src="images/illus063.jpg" width="394" height="500" alt="The Nest." title="The Nest." />
+<span class="caption">The Nest.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"'Ere, when you're finished, I'll borrow that there top note of yours to clean
+the knives with."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus064.jpg" width="500" height="341" alt="Those Superstitions." title="Those Superstitions." />
+<span class="caption">Those Superstitions.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Private Sandy McNab cheers the assembly by pointing out (with the aid of his pocket almanac) that it is
+Friday the 13th and that their number is one too many.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 354px;">
+<img src="images/illus065.jpg" width="354" height="500" alt="The Professional Touch." title="The Professional Touch." />
+<span class="caption">The Professional Touch.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Chuck us out that bag o' bombs, mate; it's under your 'ead."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 359px;">
+<img src="images/illus066.jpg" width="359" height="500" alt="Happy Memories of the Zoo." title="Happy Memories of the Zoo." />
+<span class="caption">Happy Memories of the Zoo.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>What Time do they Feed the Sea-Lions, Alf?"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 356px;">
+<img src="images/illus067.jpg" width="356" height="500" alt="Observation." title="Observation." />
+<span class="caption">Observation.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"'Ave a squint through these 'ere, Bill; you can see one of the &mdash;&mdash;'s
+eatin' a sausage as clear as anythin'."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 370px;">
+<img src="images/illus068.jpg" width="370" height="500" alt="Immediate and Important!" title="Immediate and Important!" />
+<span class="caption">Immediate and Important!</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Never has Private Smith's face felt so large and smooth as when he hands
+his Captain the following message at what he feels is an unsuitable moment:
+"The G.O.C. notices with regret the tendency of all ranks to shave the upper
+lip. This practice must cease forthwith."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/illus069.jpg" width="400" height="568" alt="Other Times, Other Manners." title="Other Times, Other Manners." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus069-big.jpg">Other Times, Other Manners.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>The Decline of Poetry and Romance in War.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 356px;">
+<img src="images/illus070.jpg" width="356" height="500" alt="His Dual Obsession." title="His Dual Obsession." />
+<span class="caption">His Dual Obsession.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Owing to the frequent recurrence of this dream, Herr Fritz von Lagershifter
+has decided to take his friends' advice: Give up sausage late at night and
+brood less upon the possible size of the British Army next spring.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 359px;">
+<img src="images/illus071.jpg" width="359" height="500" alt="The Communication Trench." title="The Communication Trench." />
+<span class="caption">The Communication Trench.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'><span class="smcap">Problem</span>&mdash;Whether to walk along the top and risk it, or do another mile
+of this.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 356px;">
+<img src="images/illus072.jpg" width="356" height="500" alt="Letting Himself Down." title="Letting Himself Down." />
+<span class="caption">Letting Himself Down.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Having omitted to remove the elastic band prior to descent, Herr Franz von
+Flopp feels that the trial exhibition of his new parachute is a failure.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus073.jpg" width="500" height="344" alt="Old Saws and New Meanings&mdash;&mdash;By Bairnsfather." title="Old Saws and New Meanings&mdash;&mdash;By Bairnsfather." />
+<span class="caption">Old Saws and New Meanings&mdash;&mdash;By Bairnsfather.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>There is certainly a lot of truth in that Napoleonic maxim, "An army moves on its stomach."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 405px;">
+<img src="images/illus074.jpg" width="405" height="500" alt="Nobbled." title="Nobbled." />
+<span class="caption">Nobbled.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"'Ow long are you up for, Bill?"</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"Seven years."</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"Yer lucky &mdash;&mdash;, I'm duration."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 352px;">
+<img src="images/illus075.jpg" width="352" height="500" alt="The Intelligence Department." title="The Intelligence Department." />
+<span class="caption">The Intelligence Department.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"Is this 'ere the Warwicks?"</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"Nao. 'Indenburg's blinkin' Light Infantry."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 385px;">
+<img src="images/illus076.jpg" width="385" height="500" alt="Valuable Fragment from Flanders: It All Comes to This in Time." title="Valuable Fragment from Flanders: It All Comes to This in Time." />
+<span class="caption">Valuable Fragment from Flanders: It All Comes to This in Time.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"This interesting fragment, found near Ypres (known to the ancients as
+Wipers), throws a light on a subject which has long puzzled science, i.e.,
+what was the origin and meaning of those immense zigzag slots in the ground
+stretching from Ostend to Belfort? There is no doubt that there was some
+inter-tribal war on at this period."&mdash;<i>Extract from</i> "<i>The Bystander</i>," <span class="smcap">a.d.</span> 4916.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 372px;">
+<img src="images/illus077.jpg" width="372" height="500" alt="In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home." title="In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home." />
+<span class="caption">In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Having picked up this cherished possession for a mere song at a sale near
+Verdun, the General has now let his country seat, "Shrapnel Park," and
+says he finds the new abode infinitely cheaper, and not a bit draughty, if you
+keep the breech closed.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus078.jpg" width="500" height="339" alt="In and Out (I)." title="In and Out (I)." />
+<span class="caption">In and Out (I).</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>That last half-hour before "going in" to the same trenches for the 200th time.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus079.jpg" width="500" height="337" alt="In and Out (II)." title="In and Out (II)." />
+<span class="caption">In and Out (II).</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>That first half-hour after "coming out" of those same trenches.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 354px;">
+<img src="images/illus080.jpg" width="354" height="500" alt="Pushfulness at Plug Street." title="Pushfulness at Plug Street." />
+<span class="caption">Pushfulness at Plug Street.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Colonel Ian Jelloid, of the Blobshire Rifles, being an energetic and businesslike
+man, believes in advertising as an antidote to stagnant warfare.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 370px;">
+<img src="images/illus081.jpg" width="370" height="500" alt="His Secret Sorrow." title="His Secret Sorrow." />
+<span class="caption">His Secret Sorrow.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"I reckon this bloke must 'ave caught 'is face against some of them forts
+at Verdun!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 349px;">
+<img src="images/illus082.jpg" width="349" height="500" alt="The Hard Lines of Communication." title="The Hard Lines of Communication." />
+<span class="caption">The Hard Lines of Communication.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 351px;">
+<img src="images/illus083.jpg" width="351" height="500" alt="The New Submarine Danger." title="The New Submarine Danger." />
+<span class="caption">The New Submarine Danger.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"They'll be torpedoin' us if we stick 'ere much longer, Bill."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 349px;">
+<img src="images/illus084.jpg" width="349" height="500" alt="War!" title="War!" />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus084-big.jpg">War</a>!</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>&mdash;As it is for most of us.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 372px;">
+<img src="images/illus085.jpg" width="372" height="500" alt="A Matter of Moment." title="A Matter of Moment." />
+<span class="caption">A Matter of Moment.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"What was that, Bill?"</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"Trench mortar."</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"Ours or theirs?"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 368px;">
+<img src="images/illus083b.jpg" width="368" height="500" alt="The Saint." title="The Saint." />
+<span class="caption">The Saint.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>That indiscriminating orb, the moon, gives Private Scattergood a saintly
+appearance, sadly out of keeping with his thoughts. He's filling 100
+sandbags at 11 p.m.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 371px;">
+<img src="images/illus087.jpg" width="371" height="500" alt="Those Tubular Trenches." title="Those Tubular Trenches." />
+<span class="caption">Those Tubular Trenches.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"Is this right for 'eadquarters?"</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"Yes, change at Oxford Circus."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 485px;">
+<img src="images/illus088.jpg" width="452" height="600" alt="&quot;We Look Before&mdash;&mdash;And After.&quot;" title="&quot;We Look Before&mdash;&mdash;And After.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus088-big.jpg">&quot;We Look Before&mdash;&mdash;And After.&quot;</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 368px;">
+<img src="images/illus089.jpg" width="368" height="500" alt="Con Moto Perpetuo." title="Con Moto Perpetuo." />
+<span class="caption">Con Moto Perpetuo.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"<span class="smcap">Our Bert</span>" (going on leave&mdash;having asked a question, and having listened
+to three minutes' unintelligible eloquence): "And 'ow does the chorus go?"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 368px;">
+<img src="images/illus090.jpg" width="368" height="500" alt="Real Sympathy." title="Real Sympathy." />
+<span class="caption">Real Sympathy.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"I wish you'd get something for that &mdash;&mdash; cough of yours. That's the second
+time you've blown the blinkin' candle out!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 383px;">
+<img src="images/illus091.jpg" width="383" height="500" alt="Entanglements." title="Entanglements." />
+<span class="caption">Entanglements.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Come on, Bert, it's safer in the trenches."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 394px;">
+<img src="images/illus092.jpg" width="394" height="500" alt="&quot;LEAVE.&quot;" title="&quot;LEAVE.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;LEAVE.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 364px;">
+<img src="images/illus092b.jpg" width="364" height="500" alt="There are times when Private Lightfoot feels absolutely convinced that it&#39;s going to be a War of Exhaustion." title="There are times when Private Lightfoot feels absolutely convinced that it&#39;s going to be a War of Exhaustion." />
+<span class="caption">There are times when Private Lightfoot feels absolutely convinced that it&#39;s going to be a War of Exhaustion.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 370px;">
+<img src="images/illus092c.jpg" width="370" height="500" alt="Chat on &#39;Change." title="Chat on &#39;Change." />
+<span class="caption">Chat on &#39;Change.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"You owes me two francs and I owes you one that's got into the lining
+of me coat; that makes it right, don't it?"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus093.jpg" width="500" height="671" alt="How Dick Manvers" title="How Dick Manvers" />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus093-big.jpg">How Dick Manvers</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus098.jpg" width="500" height="663" alt="Got His Star." title="Got His Star." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus098-big.jpg">Got His Star.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='blockquot'>Every familiar feature of the Film is happily caricatured by Captain Bairnsfather
+in his amusing page of pictures. The hero, the heroine (with smile), the
+villain, the heavy father, all of the most approved pattern&mdash;everything down to
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span>the meticulous inaccuracy characteristic of the American film in matters of
+detail, is shown with the good-natured sarcasm befitting a master of satire as
+well as of humour, while the story tells itself with breathless enthusiasm.</div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus094.jpg" width="500" height="309" alt="The Whip Hand." title="The Whip Hand." />
+<span class="caption">The Whip Hand.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Private Mulligatawny (the Australian Stock-whip wonder) frequently causes a lot of bother in the enemy's trenches.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus095.jpg" width="500" height="311" alt="Christmas Day: How it dawned for many." title="Christmas Day: How it dawned for many." />
+<span class="caption">Christmas Day: How it dawned for many.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 363px;">
+<img src="images/illus096.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="&quot;Under the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy stands.&quot;" title="&quot;Under the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy stands.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;Under the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy stands.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 329px;">
+<img src="images/illus097.jpg" width="329" height="500" alt="Augusts Three." title="Augusts Three." />
+<span class="caption">Augusts Three.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>To each year its type.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span><br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 353px;">
+<img src="images/illus101.jpg" width="353" height="500" alt="Overheard in an Orchard." title="Overheard in an Orchard." />
+<span class="caption">Overheard in an Orchard.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Said the Apple to the Plum: "Well, anyway, old man, they can never ask us
+what we did in the great war!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 375px;">
+<img src="images/illus102.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="Tips for Tommies." title="Tips for Tommies." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus102-big.jpg">Tips for Tommies.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Now that the war has become a world business, we must at any moment
+expect the appearance of this sort of thing in our papers.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus103.jpg" width="500" height="669" alt="The Offensive." title="The Offensive." />
+<span class="caption">The Offensive.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>What it looks like&mdash;and what it feels like.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 371px;">
+<img src="images/illus104.jpg" width="371" height="500" alt="&quot;The Imminent, Deadly Breach.&quot;" title="&quot;The Imminent, Deadly Breach.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;The Imminent, Deadly Breach.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Mind you don't fall through the seat of yer trousers, 'Arry!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 353px;">
+<img src="images/illus105.jpg" width="353" height="500" alt="Telepathy." title="Telepathy." />
+<span class="caption">Telepathy.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Two minds with but a single thought."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus106.jpg" width="500" height="343" alt="Trouville-sur-Somme." title="Trouville-sur-Somme." />
+<span class="caption">Trouville-sur-Somme.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Tell 'er to 'op it, Bert. I'm sittin' on a bit o' shell or somethin'."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 361px;">
+<img src="images/illus107.jpg" width="361" height="500" alt="Omar the Optimist." title="Omar the Optimist." />
+<span class="caption">Omar the Optimist.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='poem'>
+"Here with a loaf of bread beneath the row,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: .5em;">A muttered curse, but ne'er a whine, and thou&mdash;</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: .5em;">Beside me, singing in the wilderness,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: .5em;">The wilderness is Paradise enow."</span><br />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span><br /><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 355px;">
+<img src="images/illus108.jpg" width="355" height="500" alt="&quot;Where do yer want this put, Sargint?&quot;" title="&quot;Where do yer want this put, Sargint?&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;Where do yer want this put, Sargint?&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 359px;">
+<img src="images/illus109.jpg" width="359" height="500" alt="Coming to the Point." title="Coming to the Point." />
+<span class="caption">Coming to the Point.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Let's 'ave this pin of yours a minute. I'll soon 'ave these winkles out of 'ere."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 377px;">
+<img src="images/illus110.jpg" width="377" height="500" alt="A Castle in the Air." title="A Castle in the Air." />
+<span class="caption">A Castle in the Air.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"A few more, Bert, and that there ch&acirc;teau won't be worth livin' in."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 375px;">
+<img src="images/illus111.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="The Freedom of the Seas." title="The Freedom of the Seas." />
+<span class="caption">The Freedom of the Seas.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"I wish they'd 'old this war in England&mdash;don't you, Bill?" (No answer.)</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 378px;">
+<img src="images/illus112.jpg" width="378" height="500" alt="In Dixie-Land." title="In Dixie-Land." />
+<span class="caption">In Dixie-Land.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Well, Friday&mdash;'ow's Crusoe?"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 383px;">
+<img src="images/illus113.jpg" width="383" height="500" alt="Alas! Poor Herr Von Yorick!" title="Alas! Poor Herr Von Yorick!" />
+<span class="caption">Alas! Poor Herr Von Yorick!</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Fricourt&mdash;July, 1916.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 364px;">
+<img src="images/illus114.jpg" width="364" height="500" alt="Those Signals." title="Those Signals." />
+<span class="caption">Those Signals.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang2'>THE VIGILANT ONE: "I say, old chap, what does two green lights and
+one red one mean?"</div>
+
+<div class='hang2'>RECUMBENT GLADIATOR (just back from leave): "Two cr&ecirc;mes de
+menthe and a cherry brandy!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 376px;">
+<img src="images/illus115.jpg" width="376" height="500" alt="His Christmas Goose." title="His Christmas Goose." />
+<span class="caption">His Christmas Goose.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"You wait till I comes off dooty!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 372px;">
+<img src="images/illus116.jpg" width="372" height="500" alt="Urgent." title="Urgent." />
+<span class="caption">Urgent.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Quick, afore this comes down!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 374px;">
+<img src="images/illus117.jpg" width="374" height="500" alt="My Hat!" title="My Hat!" />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus117-big.jpg">My Hat!</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Helmets, Shrapnel, One.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 370px;">
+<img src="images/illus118.jpg" width="370" height="500" alt="The Candid Friend." title="The Candid Friend." />
+<span class="caption">The Candid Friend.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Well, yer know, I like the photo of you in your gas mask best."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 351px;">
+<img src="images/illus119.jpg" width="351" height="500" alt="The Long and the Short of It." title="The Long and the Short of It." />
+<span class="caption">The Long and the Short of It.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang2'><span class="smcap">Up Last Draft</span>: "I suppose you 'as to be careful 'ow you looks over the
+parapet about 'ere."</div>
+
+<div class='hang2'><span class="smcap">Out since Mons</span>: "You needn't worry, me lad; the rats are going to be
+your only trouble."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 366px;">
+<img src="images/illus120.jpg" width="366" height="500" alt="&quot;Old Moore&quot; at the Front." title="&quot;Old Moore&quot; at the Front." />
+<span class="caption">&quot;Old Moore&quot; at the Front.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"As far as I can make out from this 'ere prophecy-book, Bill, the seventh
+year is going to be the worst, and after that every fourteenth!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 376px;">
+<img src="images/illus121.jpg" width="376" height="500" alt="Supra-Normal." title="Supra-Normal." />
+<span class="caption">Supra-Normal.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Captain Mills-Bomme's temperature cracks the thermometer on seeing his
+recent daring exploits described as "On our right there is nothing to report."</div>
+
+<div class='center'>(<i>He and his battalion had merely occupied three lines of German trenches, and
+held them through a storm of heavy Lyddite for forty-eight hours.</i>)</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 363px;">
+<img src="images/illus122.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="Tactical Developments." title="Tactical Developments." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus122-big.jpg">Tactical Developments.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Private 9998 Blobs has always thought a machine for imitating the sound of
+ration parties (and thus drawing fire) an excellent idea, but simply hates his
+evening for working it.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 352px;">
+<img src="images/illus123.jpg" width="352" height="500" alt="That &quot;Out Wiring&quot; Sensation." title="That &quot;Out Wiring&quot; Sensation." />
+<span class="caption">That &quot;Out Wiring&quot; Sensation.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 365px;">
+<img src="images/illus124.jpg" width="365" height="500" alt="Natural History of the War" title="Natural History of the War" />
+<span class="caption">Natural History of the War</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>The Flanders Sea Lion (Leo Maritimus).</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"An almost extinct amphibian, first discovered in Flanders during the Winter
+of 1914-15. Feeds almost exclusively on Plum and Apple Jam and
+Rum. Only savage when the latter is knocked off."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 359px;">
+<img src="images/illus125.jpg" width="359" height="500" alt="Things that Irritate." title="Things that Irritate." />
+<span class="caption">Things that Irritate.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Private Wm. Jones is not half so annoyed at accidentally falling down the
+mine crater as he is at hearing two friends murmuring the first verse of
+"Don't go down the mine, Daddy."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 355px;">
+<img src="images/illus126.jpg" width="355" height="500" alt="Still Keeping His Hand In." title="Still Keeping His Hand In." />
+<span class="caption">Still Keeping His Hand In.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Private Smith (late Shinio, the popular juggler) appreciably lowers the protective
+value of his section's shrapnel helmets by practising his celebrated
+plate and basin spinning act.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 356px;">
+<img src="images/illus127.jpg" width="356" height="500" alt="Those &mdash;&mdash; Mouth-Organs." title="Those &mdash;&mdash; Mouth-Organs." />
+<span class="caption">Those &mdash;&mdash; Mouth-Organs.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Keep away from the 'ive, Bert; 'e's goin' to sting yer!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 373px;">
+<img src="images/illus128.jpg" width="373" height="500" alt="That Provost-Marshal Feeling." title="That Provost-Marshal Feeling." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus128-big.jpg">That Provost-Marshal Feeling.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>A sensation only to be had at a Base&mdash;in other words, a base sensation.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 422px;">
+<img src="images/illus129.jpg" width="422" height="500" alt="Blighty!" title="Blighty!" />
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus130.jpg" width="500" height="337" alt="Those Raiders at the Seat of War." title="Those Raiders at the Seat of War." />
+<span class="caption">Those Raiders at the Seat of War.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"I wish the 'ell you'd put a cork on that blinkin' pin of yours, Bert!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 344px;">
+<img src="images/illus131.jpg" width="344" height="500" alt="Romance, 1917." title="Romance, 1917." />
+<span class="caption">Romance, 1917.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Darling, every potato that I have is yours" (engaged).</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 389px;">
+<img src="images/illus132.jpg" width="389" height="500" alt="Modern Topography." title="Modern Topography." />
+<span class="caption">Modern Topography.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Well, you see, here's the church and there's the post-office."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 342px;">
+<img src="images/illus133.jpg" width="342" height="500" alt="&quot;There Was a Young Man of Cologne.&quot;" title="&quot;There Was a Young Man of Cologne.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;There Was a Young Man of Cologne.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>(I've forgotten the rest of the poem, but it's something about "a bomb" and
+"If only he'd known.")</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 352px;">
+<img src="images/illus134.jpg" width="352" height="500" alt="In the Support Trench." title="In the Support Trench." />
+<span class="caption">In the Support Trench.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Old Bill has practically decided to get Private Shinio (the ex-comedy-juggler
+and hand-balancer) transferred to another platoon.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 366px;">
+<img src="images/illus135.jpg" width="366" height="500" alt="It&#39;s the Little Things that Worry." title="It&#39;s the Little Things that Worry." />
+<span class="caption">It&#39;s the Little Things that Worry.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>What is so particularly annoying to Private Lovebird is, that he would not
+have had this bother with his dug-out if his leave had not been postponed.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 358px;">
+<img src="images/illus136.jpg" width="358" height="500" alt="That Periscope Sensation." title="That Periscope Sensation." />
+<span class="caption">That Periscope Sensation.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"I wonder if I oughtn't to tell the captain about that thing sticking up in the
+sea over there."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus137.jpg" width="500" height="330" alt="At the Brewery Baths." title="At the Brewery Baths." />
+<span class="caption">At the Brewery Baths.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"You chuck another sardine at me, my lad, and you'll hear from my solicitors."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 363px;">
+<img src="images/illus138.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="A Miner Success." title="A Miner Success." />
+<span class="caption">A Miner Success.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"They must 'ave 'ad some good news or somethin', Alf; you can 'ear 'em
+cheerin' quite plain."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 352px;">
+<img src="images/illus139.jpg" width="352" height="500" alt="Birds of Ill Omen." title="Birds of Ill Omen." />
+<span class="caption">Birds of Ill Omen.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"There's evidently goin' to be an offensive around 'ere, Bert."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 363px;">
+<img src="images/illus140.jpg" width="363" height="500" alt="If Only They&#39;d Make &quot;Old Bill&quot; President of Those Tribunals." title="If Only They&#39;d Make &quot;Old Bill&quot; President of Those Tribunals." />
+<span class="caption">If Only They&#39;d Make &quot;Old Bill&quot; President of Those Tribunals.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='poem'>"Well, what's your job, me lad?"<br />
+
+"Making spots for rocking-horses, sir."<br />
+
+"Three months."<br />
+
+"Exemption, sir?"<br />
+
+"Nao, exemption be &mdash;&mdash;d! Three months' hard!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 353px;">
+<img src="images/illus141.jpg" width="353" height="500" alt="The Stargazers." title="The Stargazers." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus141-big.jpg">The Stargazers.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>&mdash;and their return to earth.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 348px;">
+<img src="images/illus142.jpg" width="348" height="500" alt="Down at the Ration Dump." title="Down at the Ration Dump." />
+<span class="caption">Down at the Ration Dump.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"Call me a Tank again, my lad, and I'll knock yer &mdash;&mdash; 'ead off!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 369px;">
+<img src="images/illus143.jpg" width="369" height="500" alt="The Glorious Fifth." title="The Glorious Fifth." />
+<span class="caption">The Glorious Fifth.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"'Ere, Guy Fawkes&mdash;buzz off!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus144.jpg" width="350" height="500" alt="Cox&#39;s." title="Cox&#39;s." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus144-big.jpg">Cox&#39;s.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>When one feels rather in favour of floating a War Loan of one's own.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus145.jpg" width="500" height="346" alt="This Muddy War." title="This Muddy War." />
+<span class="caption">This Muddy War.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"These 'ere staff cars do splash a lot, don't they, Bill?" (No answer.)</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 369px;">
+<img src="images/illus146.jpg" width="369" height="500" alt="Unappetising." title="Unappetising." />
+<span class="caption">Unappetising.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Moments when the Savoy, the Alhambra, and the Piccadilly Grill seem very
+far away (the offensive starts in half an hour).</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 351px;">
+<img src="images/illus147.jpg" width="351" height="500" alt="That &quot;Leave&quot; Train." title="That &quot;Leave&quot; Train." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus147-big.jpg">That &quot;Leave&quot; Train.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus148.jpg" width="350" height="500" alt="Other Times&mdash;&mdash;Other Manners." title="Other Times&mdash;&mdash;Other Manners." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus148-big.jpg">Other Times&mdash;&mdash;Other Manners.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 367px;">
+<img src="images/illus149.jpg" width="367" height="500" alt="The Tourists, 19..?" title="The Tourists, 19..?" />
+<span class="caption">The Tourists, 19..?</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"Remember this place, Bert?"</div>
+
+<div class='hang1'>"Yes, it's where we used to chuck the fish to you, ain't it, Bill?"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 381px;">
+<img src="images/illus150.jpg" width="381" height="500" alt="Alas! My poor Brother!" title="Alas! My poor Brother!" />
+<span class="caption">Alas! My poor Brother!</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>(<i>In this cartoon Captain Bairnsfather refers to the report that the corpses of
+German soldiers fallen in battle were utilised in a Corpse-Conversion Factory for
+the purpose of providing fats for the Fatherland.</i>)</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus151.jpg" width="500" height="347" alt="Can-Tank-erous." title="Can-Tank-erous." />
+<span class="caption">Can-Tank-erous.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"'Ere! Where the 'ell are ye comin' with that Turkish bath o' yours?"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 357px;">
+<img src="images/illus152.jpg" width="357" height="500" alt="Curfew." title="Curfew." />
+<span class="caption">Curfew.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>What particularly annoys Lieutenant Jones, R.F.A. (who thought he could
+get a better view from the belfry), is that irritating prediction which keeps
+passing through his head, "The curfew shall not ring to-night."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 371px;">
+<img src="images/illus153.jpg" width="371" height="500" alt="On the &quot;Leave&quot; Train." title="On the &quot;Leave&quot; Train." />
+<span class="caption"><a href="images/illus153-big.jpg">On the &quot;Leave&quot; Train.</a></span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>You will never quite realise how closely we are bound to our French Ally
+until you have had the good fortune to travel on one of those "leave" trains&mdash;six
+a side, windows shut, fifty miles to go, and eighteen hours to do it!</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[151]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus154.jpg" width="500" height="338" alt="Getting the Local Colour." title="Getting the Local Colour." />
+<span class="caption">Getting the Local Colour.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>In that rare and elusive period known as "Leave" it is necessary to reconstruct the "Atmosphere" of the front
+as far as possible in order to produce the weekly "Fragment."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[152]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus155.jpg" width="500" height="341" alt="The Ghost of Dead Pig Farm&mdash;19..?" title="The Ghost of Dead Pig Farm&mdash;19..?" />
+<span class="caption">The Ghost of Dead Pig Farm&mdash;19..?</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>At midnight, an indignant, husky voice is heard to say: "B&mdash;&mdash; these blinkin' sandbags."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 344px;">
+<img src="images/illus156.jpg" width="344" height="500" alt="George versus Germany." title="George versus Germany." />
+<span class="caption">George versus Germany.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Should Mr. Robey be at any time called upon to go to the Front, he must be
+careful how he does this: "I'm surprised at you, Ludendorff!"</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 343px;">
+<img src="images/illus157.jpg" width="343" height="500" alt="A Puzzle for Paderewski." title="A Puzzle for Paderewski." />
+<span class="caption">A Puzzle for Paderewski.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"It's a pity Alf ain't 'ere, Bert; 'e can play the piana wonderful."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 408px;">
+<img src="images/illus158.jpg" width="408" height="500" alt="&quot;Substitutes&quot; in the Field." title="&quot;Substitutes&quot; in the Field." />
+<span class="caption">&quot;Substitutes&quot; in the Field.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>"I thought you said your uncle was a sending you an umbrella."</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 375px;">
+<img src="images/illus159.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="Leave." title="Leave." />
+<span class="caption">Leave.</span>
+</div>
+
+<div class='center'>Dep.: Paddington 2.15. Arr. Home 4.</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class='bbox2'>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus160.jpg" width="350" height="204" alt="ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917." title="ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917." />
+</div><div class='blockquot2'><b>ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917</b>.&mdash;Four-seated Coup&eacute; body (tr&egrave;s coup&eacute;). Hardly been
+used, beautifully finished (almost completely). One dickey seat (<i>very</i> dickey),
+detachable rims (two already detached). Only driven 10 miles (Albert to
+Gommecourt). Excellent shock absorber (has absorbed any amount). In exceptional
+condition. &pound;650 (or good bath chair). BARGAIN.&mdash;Captain Somepush,
+No. 2, Red Cross, Rouen.</div>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 250px;">
+<img src="images/illus160b.jpg" width="250" height="125" alt="Merely a Warning." title="Merely a Warning." />
+<span class="caption">Merely a Warning.</span>
+</div>
+
+
+
+<div class='center'>To those who may be contemplating picking up a Government car cheaply
+after the war. Insist on seeing photograph. Don't be satisfied by just
+reading the advertisements.</div>
+
+<hr style='width: 65%;' />
+
+<div class='tnote'><h3>Transcriber's Notes:</h3>
+
+<p>With the three noted exceptions, punctuation anomalies were retained to
+match the original drawings. The exceptions are in the books printed
+explanations, not in any cartoon.</p>
+
+<p>Page <a href="#Page_5">5</a>, period added to illustration caption ("Jack Johnson" shell.)</p>
+
+<p>Page <a href="#Page_112">112</a>, single opening quote changed to double. ("You wait till I)</p>
+
+<p>Page <a href="#Page_125">125</a>, period added to title of picture to match rest of format (That
+Provost-Marshal Feeling.)</p>
+
+<p>Pages <a href="#Page_92">92 and 97</a> were halves of the same comic. They were reattached to
+aid readability.</p>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fragments From France, by 
+Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
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+</pre>
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+</body>
+</html>
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+Project Gutenberg's Fragments From France, by Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Fragments From France
+
+Author: Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+Release Date: July 2, 2008 [EBook #25951]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRAGMENTS FROM FRANCE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Emmy and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+_By Bruce Bairnsfather_
+
+Bullets and Billets
+
+Fragments from France
+
+A Few Fragments from His Life
+
+
+
+
+FRAGMENTS FROM FRANCE
+
+
+BY
+
+CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER
+
+AUTHOR OF "BULLETS AND BILLETS"
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+          G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS
+          NEW YORK AND LONDON
+          The Knickerbocker Press
+          1917
+
+
+
+
+FOREWORD
+
+_By the Editor of "The Bystander."_
+
+
+[Illustration: W]HEN Tommy went out to the great war, he went smiling,
+and singing the latest ditty of the halls. The enemy scowled. War, said
+his professors of kultur and his hymnsters of hate, could never be waged
+in the Tipperary spirit, and the nation that sent to the front soldiers
+who sang and laughed must be the very decadent England they had all
+along denounced as unworthy of world-power.
+
+I fear the enemy will be even more infuriated when he turns over the
+pages of this book. In it the spirit of the British citizen soldier,
+who, hating war as he hated hell, flocked to the colours to have his
+whack at the apostles of blood and iron, is translated to cold and
+permanent print. Here is the great war reduced to grim and gruesome
+absurdity. It is not fun poked by a mere looker-on, it is the fun felt
+in the war by one who has been through it.
+
+[Illustration: CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER.]
+
+Captain Bruce Bairnsfather has stayed at that "farm" which is portrayed
+in the double page of the book; he has endured that shell-swept "'ole"
+that is depicted on the cover; he has watched the disappearance of that
+"blinkin' parapet" shown on one page; has had his hair cut under fire as
+shown on another. And having been through it all, he has just put down
+what he has seen and heard and felt and smelt and--laughed at.
+
+Captain Bairnsfather went to the front in no mood of a "chiel takin'
+notes." It was the notes that took him. Before the war, some time a
+regular soldier, some time an engineer, he had little other idea than to
+sketch for mischief, on walls and shirt cuffs, and tablecloths. Without
+the war he might never have put pencil to paper for publication. But the
+war insisted.
+
+It is not for his mere editor to forecast his vogue in posterity.
+Naturally I hope it will be a lasting one, but I am prejudiced. Let me,
+however, quote a letter which reached Captain Bairnsfather from
+somewhere in France:
+
+          "Twenty years after peace has been declared there
+          will be no more potent stimulus to the
+          recollections of an old soldier than your
+          admirable sketches of trench life. May I, with all
+          deference, congratulate you on your humour, your
+          fidelity, your something-else not easily
+          defined--I mean your power of expressing in black
+          and white a condition of mind."
+
+I hope that this forecast is a true one. If this sketch book is worthy
+to outlast the days of the war, and to be kept for remembrance on the
+shelves of those who have lived through it, it will have done its bit.
+For will it not be a standing reminder of the _ingloriousness_ of war,
+its preposterous absurdity, and of its futility as a means of settling
+the affairs of nations?
+
+When the ardent Jingo of the day after to-morrow rattles the sabre, let
+there be somewhere handy a copy of "Fragments from France" that can be
+opened in front of him, at any page, just to remind him of what war is
+really like as it is fought in "civilised" times.
+
+Captain Bairnsfather has become a household word--or perhaps one should
+say a trench-hold word. Who is ever the worse for a laugh? Certainly not
+the soldier in trench or dug-out or shell-swept billet. Rather may it be
+said that the Bairnsfather laughter has acted in thousands of cases as
+an antidote to the bane of depression. It is the good fortune of the
+British Army to possess such an antidote, and the ill-fortune of the
+other belligerents that they do not possess its equivalent.
+
+[Illustration: CAPTAIN BRUCE BAIRNSFATHER
+
+This picture was taken at the Front, less than a quarter of a mile from
+the German trenches. Captain Bairnsfather has come "straight off the
+mud," and is wearing a fur coat, a Balaclava helmet, and gum boots.
+Immediately behind him is a hole made by a "Jack Johnson" shell.]
+
+A Scots officer, writing in the _Edinburgh Evening News_, hits the true
+sentiment towards Bairnsfather of the Army in France when he writes:
+
+          "To us out here the 'Fragments' are the very
+          quintessence of life. We sit moping over a smoky
+          charcoal fire in a dug-out. Suddenly someone, more
+          wide-awake than others remembers the 'Fragments.'
+          Out it comes, and we laugh uproariously over each
+          picture. For are these not the very things we are
+          witnessing every day, incidents full of tragic
+          humour? The fed-up spirit you see on the faces of
+          Bairnsfather's pictures is a sham--a mask beneath
+          which there lies something that is essentially
+          British."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+In a communication received by Captain Bairnsfather an eminent Member of
+Parliament writes: "You are rising to be a factor in the situation, just
+as Gillray was a factor in the Napoleonic wars." The difference is,
+however, that instead of turning his satire exclusively upon the enemy,
+as did Gillray, Captain Bairnsfather turns his--good-humouredly
+always--on his fellow-warriors. This habit of ours of making fun of
+ourselves has come by now to be fairly well understood by even the most
+sensitive and serious-minded of our continental friends and neighbours.
+It hardly needs nowadays to be pointed out that it is a fixed condition
+of the national life that wherever Britons are working together in any
+common object, whether in school, college, profession, or even warfare,
+they must never _appear_ to be regarding their occupation too seriously.
+Those who know us--and who, nowadays, has the excuse for not knowing us,
+seeing how very much we have been discussed?--understand that our
+frivolity is apparent and not real. Because we have the gift of
+laughter, we are no less appreciative of grim realities than are our
+scowling enemies, and nobody knows that better in these days than those
+scowling enemies themselves.
+
+Their hymns of hate and prayers for punishment have been impotent
+expressions of exasperation at our coolness, deliberation, and
+inflexible determination--qualities they had deluded themselves before
+the war into believing would prove all a sham before the first blast of
+frightfulness. They told themselves that, a war once actually begun, the
+imperturbable pipe-smoking John Bull would be transformed into a
+cowering craven. More complete confusion of this false belief is nowhere
+to be found than in these "Fragments." It ranks as a colossal German
+defeat that successive bloodthirsty assaults upon us by land, sea, and
+air should produce a Bairnsfather, depicting the "contemptible little
+Army," swollen out of all recognition, settling humorously down to war
+as though it were the normal business of life.
+
+"Fed up"? Yes, that is the word by which to describe, if you like, the
+prevalent Bairnsfather expression of countenance. But the kind of
+weariness he depicts is the reverse of the kind that implies "give up."
+_Au contraire, mes amis!_ The "fed-up" Bairnsfather man is a fixture.
+"_J'y suis_," he might exclaim, if he spoke French, "_et il m'embete que
+j'y suis. Je voudrais que je n'y sois pas. Mais j'y suis, et, mes bons
+camarades, par tous les dieux, j'y reste!_"
+
+If the enemy should read in the words "fed up" a sign that our tenacity
+is giving out, he reads it wrong; grim will be the disillusionment of
+any hopes he may build upon his misreading, and even grimmer the anger
+of those whom he may have deluded.
+
+These _verdammte Englaender_ are never what they seem, but are always
+something unpleasantly different. We are the Great Enigma of the war,
+and in our mystery lies our greatest strength. Let us be careful not to
+lose it. Those who would have us simplify ourselves upon the continental
+model, and present to the world a picture of sombre seriousness, are
+asking us to change our national character. Cromwell asked the painter
+to paint him, "warts and all." Bairnsfather sketches us--smiles and all.
+And who would take the smiles off the "dials" of the figures you will
+see on the pages that follow?
+
+[Illustration: Where to Live--[ADVT.]
+
+IN ONE OF THE CHOICEST LOCALITIES OF NORTHERN FRANCE.
+
+TO BE LET (three minutes from German trenches), this attractive and
+
+          WELL-BUILT DUG-OUT,
+
+containing one reception-kitchen-bedroom and UP-TO-DATE FUNK HOLE (4ft.
+by 6ft.), all modern inconveniences, including gas and water. This
+desirable Residence stands one foot above water level, commanding an
+excellent view of the enemy trenches.
+
+          EXCELLENT SHOOTING (SNIPE AND DUCK).
+
+--Particulars of the late Tenant, Room 6, Base Hospital, Bonlog c.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Where did that one go to?"]
+
+
+[Illustration:
+
+          What is this slimy dismal hole
+          Where oft I'm lurking like a mole
+          And cursing Germans heart and soul?
+                              My Dug-Out
+
+          Where is it that beneath the floor
+          The water's rising more and more
+          And where the roof's a broken door?
+                              My Dug-Out
+
+          Where is it that I try to sleep
+          Betwixt alarms, when up I leap
+          And dash through water four feet deep?
+                              My Dug-Out
+
+          Where is it that I'll catch a chill
+          And lose my only quinine pill
+          And probably remain until----
+                              I'm dug out?
+                              My Dug-Out
+
+My Dug-Out: A lay of the trenches.]
+
+
+[Illustration: That Evening Star-shell.
+
+          "Oh, star of eve, whose tender beam
+          Falls on my spirit's troubled dream."
+
+--_Wolfram's Aria in "Tannhaeuser."_]
+
+
+[Illustration: "They've evidently seen me."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Situation Shortly Vacant.
+
+In an old-fashioned house in France an opening will shortly occur for a
+young man, with good prospects of getting a rise.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Tactless Teuton.
+
+A member of the Gravediggers' Corps joking with a private in the
+Orphans' Battalion, prior to a frontal attack.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Well, if you knows of a better 'ole, go to it."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Will you be----
+
+mine!
+
+A Proposal in Flanders.
+
+The point of Jean's pitchfork awakens a sense of duty in a mine that
+shirked.]
+
+
+[Illustration: No Possible Doubt Whatever.
+
+Sentry: "'Alt! Who goes there?"
+
+He of the Bundle: "You shut yer ---- mouth, or I'll ---- come and knock
+yer ---- head off!"
+
+Sentry: "Pass, friend!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Gott strafe this barbed wire."]
+
+
+[Illustration: So Obvious.
+
+The Young and Talkative One: "Who made that 'ole?"
+
+The Fed-up One: "Mice."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Fatalist.
+
+"I'm sure they'll 'ear this damn thing squeakin'."]
+
+
+[Illustration: A Maxim Maxim.
+
+"Fire should be withheld till a favourable target presents itself."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Our Adaptable Armies.
+
+Private Jones (late "Zogitoff," the comedy wire artist) appreciably
+reduces the quantity of hate per yard of frontage.]
+
+
+[Illustration: A.D. Nineteen Fifty.
+
+"I see the War Babies' Battalion is a coming out."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Frustrated Ingenuity.
+
+Owing to dawn breaking sooner than he anticipated, that inventive
+fellow, Private Jones, has a trying time with his latest creation, "The
+Little Plugstreet," the sniper's friend.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Keeping His Hand In.
+
+Private Smith, the company bomber, formerly "Shinio," the popular
+juggler, frequently causes considerable anxiety to his platoon.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "---- ---- these ---- ---- rations."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Dear ----
+
+"At present we are staying at a farm..."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Eternal Question.
+
+"When the 'ell is it goin' to be strawberry?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Directing the Way at the Front.
+
+"Yer knows the dead 'orse 'cross the road? Well, keep straight on till
+yer comes to a p'rambulator 'longside a Johnson 'ole."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Late Comer.
+
+"Where 'ave you been? 'Avin' your bloomin' fortune told?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Innocent Abroad.
+
+Out since Mons: "Well, what sort of a night 'ave yer 'ad?"
+
+Novice (but persistent optimist): "Oh, alright. 'Ad to get out and rest
+a bit now and again."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "There goes our blinkin' parapet again."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "We shall attack at Dawn"
+
+"Never mind about that now, drink this."
+
+"The Push"--in Three Chapters.
+
+By one who's been "Pushed."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "The Spirit of our Troops is Excellent."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Things that Matter.
+
+Scene: Loos, during the September offensive.
+
+Colonel Fitz-Shrapnel receives the following message from "G. H.
+Q.":--"Please let us know, as soon as possible, the number of tins of
+raspberry jam issued to you last Friday."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Soldier's Dream.
+
+A "Bitter" disappointment on waking.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Thirst for Reprisals.
+
+"'And me a rifle, someone. I'll give these ----s 'ell for this!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Ideal and the Real.
+
+What we should like to see at our billets--and (inset) what we do see.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Watch me make a fire-bucket of 'is 'elmet."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "That 16-inch Sensation."]
+
+
+[Illustration: That Sword.
+
+How he thought he was going to use it----]
+
+
+[Illustration: ----and how he did use it.]
+
+
+[Illustration: What It Really Feels Like.
+
+To be on patrol duty at night-time.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "The same old moon."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "My dream for years to come."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Coiffure in the Trenches.
+
+"Keep yer 'ead still, or I'll 'ave yer blinkin' ear off."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Another Maxim Maxim.
+
+"Machine guns form a valuable support for infantry."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Our Democratic Army.
+
+Member of Navvies' Battalion (to Colonel): "I say, yer mate's dropped
+'is cane."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Five days leave! Taxi!]
+
+
+[Illustration: Never Again!
+
+"In future I snipe from the ground."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Thoroughness.
+
+"What time shall I call you in the morning, sir?"
+
+(Colonel Chutney, V.C., home on short leave, decides to keep in touch
+with dug-out life.)]
+
+
+[Illustration: That Hat.
+
+"Pop out and get it, Bert."
+
+"Pop out yerself."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Springtime in Flanders.
+
+"Personally, I think this is just what you want for laying your eggs in,
+but, as Bairnsfather says, 'If you knows of a better 'ole, go to it.'"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Dud Shell--Or the Fuse-Top Collector.
+
+"Give it a good 'ard 'un, Bert; you can generally 'ear 'em fizzing a bit
+first if they are a-goin' to explode."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "What's all this about unmarried men?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Historical Touch.
+
+"Well, Alfred, 'ow are the cakes?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: His Initiation.
+
+No. 99988 Private Blobs (on sentry-go) feels that he has at last
+stumbled across the true explanation of that somewhat cryptic
+expression, "There'll be dirty work at the cross-roads to-night!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: When One Would Like to Start an Offensive on One's Own.
+
+RECIPE FOR FEELING LIKE THIS--Bully, biscuits, no coke, and leave just
+cancelled.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Trouble With One of the Souvenirs.
+
+"'Old these a minute while I takes that blinkin' smile off 'is dial."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Conscientious Exhilarator.
+
+"_Every encouragement should be given for singing and
+whistling._"--(Extract from a "Military Manual.")
+
+That painstaking fellow, Lieut. Orpheus, does his best, but finds it
+uphill work at times.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Its only a tumble down nest But--
+
+The Nest.
+
+"'Ere, when you're finished, I'll borrow that there top note of yours to
+clean the knives with."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Those Superstitions.
+
+Private Sandy McNab cheers the assembly by pointing out (with the aid of
+his pocket almanac) that it is Friday the 13th and that their number is
+one too many.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Professional Touch.
+
+"Chuck us out that bag o' bombs, mate; it's under your 'ead."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Happy Memories of the Zoo.
+
+"What Time do they Feed the Sea-Lions, Alf?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Observation.
+
+"'Ave a squint through these 'ere, Bill; you can see one of the ----'s
+eatin' a sausage as clear as anythin'."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Immediate and Important!
+
+Never has Private Smith's face felt so large and smooth as when he hands
+his Captain the following message at what he feels is an unsuitable
+moment: "The G.O.C. notices with regret the tendency of all ranks to
+shave the upper lip. This practice must cease forthwith."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Sir Plantagenet Smythe, at the battle of VIN ORDINAIRE
+"On! On! ye Noble English!"
+
+2nd Lieut. P. Smith, at the taking of "dead-pig" farm "Come on you
+chaps! We'll show these ----s Which side their ---- bread's buttered!"
+
+Other Times, Other Manners.
+
+The Decline of Poetry and Romance in War.]
+
+
+[Illustration: His Dual Obsession.
+
+Owing to the frequent recurrence of this dream, Herr Fritz von
+Lagershifter has decided to take his friends' advice: Give up sausage
+late at night and brood less upon the possible size of the British Army
+next spring.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Communication Trench.
+
+PROBLEM--Whether to walk along the top and risk it, or do another mile
+of this.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Letting Himself Down.
+
+Having omitted to remove the elastic band prior to descent, Herr Franz
+von Flopp feels that the trial exhibition of his new parachute is a
+failure.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Old Saws and New Meanings----By Bairnsfather.
+
+There is certainly a lot of truth in that Napoleonic maxim, "An army
+moves on its stomach."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Nobbled.
+
+"'Ow long are you up for, Bill?"
+
+"Seven years."
+
+"Yer lucky ----, I'm duration."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Intelligence Department.
+
+"Is this 'ere the Warwicks?"
+
+"Nao. 'Indenburg's blinkin' Light Infantry."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Valuable Fragment from Flanders: It All Comes to This in
+Time.
+
+"This interesting fragment, found near Ypres (known to the ancients as
+Wipers), throws a light on a subject which has long puzzled science,
+i.e., what was the origin and meaning of those immense zigzag slots in
+the ground stretching from Ostend to Belfort? There is no doubt that
+there was some inter-tribal war on at this period."--_Extract from_
+"_The Bystander_," A.D. 4916.]
+
+
+[Illustration: In Nineteen Something: General Sir Ian Jelloid at Home.
+
+Having picked up this cherished possession for a mere song at a sale
+near Verdun, the General has now let his country seat, "Shrapnel Park,"
+and says he finds the new abode infinitely cheaper, and not a bit
+draughty, if you keep the breech closed.]
+
+
+[Illustration: In and Out (I).
+
+That last half-hour before "going in" to the same trenches for the 200th
+time.]
+
+
+[Illustration: In and Out (II).
+
+That first half-hour after "coming out" of those same trenches.]
+
+
+[Illustration: THE 1ST BLOBSHIRE RIFLES EXPERT GAS & BOMB MANIPULATORS
+TRENCHES TAKEN AT SHORTEST NOTICE COUNTER ATTACKS QUOTED FOR OUR
+SPECIALITY: HOLDING MINE CRATERS FOR 24 HOURS
+
+TELEGRAPHIC ADDRESS "PLUMAPPLE" PLUGSTREET
+
+Pushfulness at Plug Street.
+
+Colonel Ian Jelloid, of the Blobshire Rifles, being an energetic and
+businesslike man, believes in advertising as an antidote to stagnant
+warfare.]
+
+
+[Illustration: His Secret Sorrow.
+
+"I reckon this bloke must 'ave caught 'is face against some of them
+forts at Verdun!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Are you there?
+
+"Only just"
+
+"S.O.S."
+
+The Hard Lines of Communication.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The New Submarine Danger.
+
+"They'll be torpedoin' us if we stick 'ere much longer, Bill."]
+
+
+[Illustration: This interesting view for 6 months ... or
+
+This for half an hour
+
+War!
+
+--As it is for most of us.]
+
+
+[Illustration: A Matter of Moment.
+
+"What was that, Bill?"
+
+"Trench mortar."
+
+"Ours or theirs?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Saint.
+
+That indiscriminating orb, the moon, gives Private Scattergood a saintly
+appearance, sadly out of keeping with his thoughts. He's filling 100
+sandbags at 11 p.m.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Those Tubular Trenches.
+
+"Is this right for 'eadquarters?"
+
+"Yes, change at Oxford Circus."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Of course, personally I dont think there is anyone
+there"
+
+"Nor do I"
+
+Thinking it over subsequently in Boulogne,--an impression of
+overcrowding predominates in recollections of "straighthing" that bit of
+the line.
+
+"We Look Before----And After."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Con Moto Perpetuo.
+
+"OUR BERT" (going on leave--having asked a question, and having listened
+to three minutes' unintelligible eloquence): "And 'ow does the chorus
+go?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Real Sympathy.
+
+"I wish you'd get something for that ---- cough of yours. That's the
+second time you've blown the blinkin' candle out!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Entanglements.
+
+"Come on, Bert, it's safer in the trenches."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "How long have you got Fred?"
+
+"LEAVE."]
+
+
+[Illustration: There are times when Private Lightfoot feels absolutely
+convinced that it's going to be a War of Exhaustion.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Chat on 'Change.
+
+"You owes me two francs and I owes you one that's got into the lining of
+me coat; that makes it right, don't it?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: General Sir Frampton Prendergasp R.S.V.P. P.T.O. SOS a
+rising and successful general, who is plotting an offensive
+
+The General . . . Cyrus Moffat
+
+Nancy Prendergasp, his daughter, who has gone in for nursing, unknown to
+her father. She is in love with ----
+
+Featuring Miss Sybil Fane
+
+DICK MANVERS a lance Corporal in the pay department, who, after
+extensive & painful researches, has invented a new bomb
+
+"DICK"
+
+Steven Fairbrother
+
+Dick shows his new bomb to the General who decides to use it in the
+offensive
+
+But is overheard and seen by Captain ADRIAN BLACK an unscrupulous
+adventurer in the pay of a powerful Government
+
+That night he is seen by Nancy substituting PLUM & APPLE for The new
+explosive
+
+END OF PART I
+
+PART II
+
+WILL FOLLOW IMMEDIATELY
+
+Flanders Film Mfg Co--Milwaukee, Wisconsin. U.S.A.]
+
+[Illustration: The Offensive begins. The new bomb is found to be equally
+explosive in spite of Captain Black's dark deed
+
+Nancy, who fears disaster, steals her Father's private Howitzer and
+races to the Offensive
+
+Black throws every obstacle in her way
+
+"Dont you know me Dick?"
+
+The General, who has been doing a bit on his own, becomes the unwilling
+witness of a touching scene
+
+The General having heard their story, orders the arrest of Captain Black
+
+How Dick Manvers Got His Star.
+
+Every familiar feature of the Film is happily caricatured by Captain
+Bairnsfather in his amusing page of pictures. The hero, the heroine
+(with smile), the villain, the heavy father, all of the most approved
+pattern--everything down to the meticulous inaccuracy characteristic of
+the American film in matters of detail, is shown with the good-natured
+sarcasm befitting a master of satire as well as of humour, while the
+story tells itself with breathless enthusiasm.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Whip Hand.
+
+Private Mulligatawny (the Australian Stock-whip wonder) frequently
+causes a lot of bother in the enemy's trenches.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Christmas Day: How it dawned for many.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Under the spreading chestnut tree the village smithy
+stands."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Veni 1914
+
+Vidi 1915
+
+Vici! 1916
+
+Augusts Three.
+
+To each year its type.]
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Overheard in an Orchard.
+
+Said the Apple to the Plum: "Well, anyway, old man, they can never ask
+us what we did in the great war!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: LEARN To FIGHT
+
+Anyone with a taste for Fishing, or Moth Collecting can learn to fight.
+
+Anyone can put a hook in a worm, or a pin in a moth. WE DEVELOP THAT
+INSTINCT, and by our Postal Course of Instruction, will help you to earn
+big money by fighting
+
+Subjects Taught:--
+
+Bayonet work, bombing, & asphyxiation.
+
+This sketch shows the work of a former pupil. Try this exercise yourself
+on a friend, and tell us the result. We will at once tell you your
+chances of success.
+
+A lieutenant writes:--
+
+Unfortunately I had not got as far as your chapter on Upper Cuts or I
+feel sure I should not be where I am now
+
+yrs truly
+
+Clearing Station GezainCourt.
+
+Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+The demand for fighters exceeds the supply
+
+Write today
+
+The Asphyxobomb School of Instruction
+
+[Advt] Hooge.
+
+
+Tips for Tommies.
+
+Now that the war has become a world business, we must at any moment
+expect the appearance of this sort of thing in our papers.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Whilst the preliminary bombardment is on, one gets the
+idea that this is what's happening to the enemy machine guns.
+
+Yet somehow or other, when one starts for that 220 yards handicap across
+the turnip field, it feels something like this.
+
+Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+The Offensive.
+
+What it looks like--and what it feels like.]
+
+
+[Illustration: "The Imminent, Deadly Breach."
+
+"Mind you don't fall through the seat of yer trousers, 'Arry!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Two minds with but a single thought, two hearts that beat
+as one.
+
+Telepathy.
+
+"Two minds with but a single thought."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Trouville-sur-Somme.
+
+"Tell 'er to 'op it, Bert. I'm sittin' on a bit o' shell or
+somethin'."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Omar the Optimist.
+
+          "Here with a loaf of bread beneath the row,
+          A muttered curse, but ne'er a whine, and thou--
+          Beside me, singing in the wilderness,
+          The wilderness is Paradise enow."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Where do yer want this put, Sargint?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Coming to the Point.
+
+"Let's 'ave this pin of yours a minute. I'll soon 'ave these winkles out
+of 'ere."]
+
+
+[Illustration: A Castle in the Air.
+
+"A few more, Bert, and that there chateau won't be worth livin' in."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Freedom of the Seas.
+
+"I wish they'd 'old this war in England--don't you, Bill?" (No
+answer.)]
+
+
+[Illustration: In Dixie-Land.
+
+"Well, Friday--'ow's Crusoe?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Alas! Poor Herr Von Yorick!
+
+Fricourt--July, 1916.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Those Signals.
+
+THE VIGILANT ONE: "I say, old chap, what does two green lights and one
+red one mean?"
+
+RECUMBENT GLADIATOR (just back from leave): "Two cremes de menthe and a
+cherry brandy!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: His Christmas Goose.
+
+"You wait till I comes off dooty!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Urgent.
+
+"Quick, afore this comes down!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: That tin hat feels something like this on the way to the
+Offensive
+
+And about like this when you get there
+
+My Hat!
+
+Helmets, Shrapnel, One.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Candid Friend.
+
+"Well, yer know, I like the photo of you in your gas mask best."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Long and the Short of It.
+
+UP LAST DRAFT: "I suppose you 'as to be careful 'ow you looks over the
+parapet about 'ere."
+
+OUT SINCE MONS: "You needn't worry, me lad; the rats are going to be
+your only trouble."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Old Moore" at the Front.
+
+"As far as I can make out from this 'ere prophecy-book, Bill, the
+seventh year is going to be the worst, and after that every
+fourteenth!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Supra-Normal.
+
+Captain Mills-Bomme's temperature cracks the thermometer on seeing his
+recent daring exploits described as "On our right there is nothing to
+report."
+
+(_He and his battalion had merely occupied three lines of German
+trenches, and held them through a storm of heavy Lyddite for forty-eight
+hours._)]
+
+
+[Illustration: 'old these ---- biscuits a minute while I 'as a go at
+this ---- stuff
+
+"Where the ---- 'ell are ye comin to!"
+
+"---- your ---- eyes you can ---- well carry these ---- things yerself"
+
+"yer ---- well wants elephants for this job"
+
+Tactical Developments.
+
+Private 9998 Blobs has always thought a machine for imitating the sound
+of ration parties (and thus drawing fire) an excellent idea, but simply
+hates his evening for working it.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Bang Bang
+
+Crash
+
+Bang
+
+Crash
+
+That "Out Wiring" Sensation.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Natural History of the War
+
+The Flanders Sea Lion (Leo Maritimus).
+
+"An almost extinct amphibian, first discovered in Flanders during the
+Winter of 1914-15. Feeds almost exclusively on Plum and Apple Jam and
+Rum. Only savage when the latter is knocked off."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Things that Irritate.
+
+Private Wm. Jones is not half so annoyed at accidentally falling down
+the mine crater as he is at hearing two friends murmuring the first
+verse of "Don't go down the mine, Daddy."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Still Keeping His Hand In.
+
+Private Smith (late Shinio, the popular juggler) appreciably lowers the
+protective value of his section's shrapnel helmets by practising his
+celebrated plate and basin spinning act.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Those ---- Mouth-Organs.
+
+"Keep away from the 'ive, Bert; 'e's goin' to sting yer!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Garcong! the bill, tres vite!
+
+That Provost-Marshal Feeling.
+
+A sensation only to be had at a Base--in other words, a base
+sensation.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Blighty!]
+
+
+[Illustration: Those Raiders at the Seat of War.
+
+"I wish the 'ell you'd put a cork on that blinkin' pin of yours,
+Bert!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Romance, 1917.
+
+"Darling, every potato that I have is yours" (engaged).]
+
+
+[Illustration: Modern Topography.
+
+"Well, you see, here's the church and there's the post-office."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "There Was a Young Man of Cologne."
+
+(I've forgotten the rest of the poem, but it's something about "a bomb"
+and "If only he'd known.")]
+
+
+[Illustration: In the Support Trench.
+
+Old Bill has practically decided to get Private Shinio (the
+ex-comedy-juggler and hand-balancer) transferred to another platoon.]
+
+
+[Illustration: It's the Little Things that Worry.
+
+What is so particularly annoying to Private Lovebird is, that he would
+not have had this bother with his dug-out if his leave had not been
+postponed.]
+
+
+[Illustration: That Periscope Sensation.
+
+"I wonder if I oughtn't to tell the captain about that thing sticking up
+in the sea over there."]
+
+
+[Illustration: At the Brewery Baths.
+
+"You chuck another sardine at me, my lad, and you'll hear from my
+solicitors."]
+
+
+[Illustration: A Miner Success.
+
+"They must 'ave 'ad some good news or somethin', Alf; you can 'ear 'em
+cheerin' quite plain."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Birds of Ill Omen.
+
+"There's evidently goin' to be an offensive around 'ere, Bert."]
+
+
+[Illustration: If Only They'd Make "Old Bill" President of Those
+Tribunals.
+
+"Well, what's your job, me lad?"
+
+"Making spots for rocking-horses, sir."
+
+"Three months."
+
+"Exemption, sir?"
+
+"Nao, exemption be ----d! Three months' hard!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Stars is funny things aint they Bill"
+
+"Yes--funny!"
+
+The Stargazers.
+
+--and their return to earth.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Down at the Ration Dump.
+
+"Call me a Tank again, my lad, and I'll knock yer ---- 'ead off!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Glorious Fifth.
+
+"'Ere, Guy Fawkes--buzz off!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Yes, you are, one pound nineteen and elevenpence
+overdrawn, and that includes next month's pay"
+
+Cox's.
+
+When one feels rather in favour of floating a War Loan of one's own.]
+
+
+[Illustration: This Muddy War.
+
+"These 'ere staff cars do splash a lot, don't they, Bill?" (No
+answer.)]
+
+
+[Illustration: Unappetising.
+
+Moments when the Savoy, the Alhambra, and the Piccadilly Grill seem very
+far away (the offensive starts in half an hour).]
+
+
+[Illustration: Fred's got leave!
+
+That Leave Train
+
+Second lieutenant Enoch Arden arrives on leave
+
+Fred!
+
+"The train was a bit late darling"
+
+That "Leave" Train.]
+
+
+[Illustration: One often hears the question:--
+
+"What could Napoleon have done in the Great War?"
+
+He could certainly not have gone in for this
+
+It would have to be this, or nothing
+
+Other Times----Other Manners.]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Tourists, 19..?
+
+"Remember this place, Bert?"
+
+"Yes, it's where we used to chuck the fish to you, ain't it, Bill?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Alas! My poor Brother!
+
+(_In this cartoon Captain Bairnsfather refers to the report that the
+corpses of German soldiers fallen in battle were utilised in a
+Corpse-Conversion Factory for the purpose of providing fats for the
+Fatherland._)]
+
+
+[Illustration: Can-Tank-erous.
+
+"'Ere! Where the 'ell are ye comin' with that Turkish bath o' yours?"]
+
+
+[Illustration: Curfew.
+
+What particularly annoys Lieutenant Jones, R.F.A. (who thought he could
+get a better view from the belfry), is that irritating prediction which
+keeps passing through his head, "The curfew shall not ring to-night."]
+
+
+[Illustration: TAISEZ VOUS! MEFIEZ VOUS  LES OREILLES ENSEMBLE VOUS
+ECOUTENT
+
+On the "Leave" Train.
+
+You will never quite realise how closely we are bound to our French Ally
+until you have had the good fortune to travel on one of those "leave"
+trains--six a side, windows shut, fifty miles to go, and eighteen hours
+to do it!]
+
+
+[Illustration: Getting the Local Colour.
+
+In that rare and elusive period known as "Leave" it is necessary to
+reconstruct the "Atmosphere" of the front as far as possible in order to
+produce the weekly "Fragment."]
+
+
+[Illustration: The Ghost of Dead Pig Farm--19..?
+
+At midnight, an indignant, husky voice is heard to say: "B---- these
+blinkin' sandbags."]
+
+
+[Illustration: George versus Germany.
+
+Should Mr. Robey be at any time called upon to go to the Front, he must
+be careful how he does this: "I'm surprised at you, Ludendorff!"]
+
+
+[Illustration: A Puzzle for Paderewski.
+
+"It's a pity Alf ain't 'ere, Bert; 'e can play the piana wonderful."]
+
+
+[Illustration: "Substitutes" in the Field.
+
+"I thought you said your uncle was a sending you an umbrella."]
+
+
+[Illustration: Leave.
+
+Dep.: Paddington 2.15. Arr. Home 4.]
+
+
+[Illustration: ROLLS-DAIMLER, 1917.--Four-seated Coupe body (tres
+coupe). Hardly been used, beautifully finished (almost completely). One
+dickey seat (_very_ dickey), detachable rims (two already detached).
+Only driven 10 miles (Albert to Gommecourt). Excellent shock absorber
+(has absorbed any amount). In exceptional condition. L650 (or good bath
+chair). BARGAIN.--Captain Somepush, No. 2, Red Cross, Rouen.]
+
+
+[Illustration: Merely a Warning.
+
+You dirty dog
+
+To those who may be contemplating picking up a Government car cheaply
+after the war. Insist on seeing photograph. Don't be satisfied by just
+reading the advertisements.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Transcriber's notes:
+
+With the three noted exceptions, punctuation anomalies were retained to
+match the original drawings. The exceptions are in the books printed
+explanations, not in any cartoon.
+
+Page 5, period added to illustration caption ("Jack Johnson" shell.)
+
+Page 112, single opening quote changed to double. ("You wait till I)
+
+Page 125, period added to title of picture to match rest of format (That
+Provost-Marshal Feeling.)
+
+Pages 93 and 98 were halves of the same comic. They were reattached to
+aid readability. The original text can be found in the html version.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fragments From France, by
+Captain Bruce Bairnsfather
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRAGMENTS FROM FRANCE ***
+
+***** This file should be named 25951.txt or 25951.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/2/5/9/5/25951/
+
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+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
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