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diff --git a/25950.txt b/25950.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..79e246e --- /dev/null +++ b/25950.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5149 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Complete Bachelor + Manners for Men + +Author: Walter Germain + +Release Date: July 2, 2008 [EBook #25950] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COMPLETE BACHELOR *** + + + + +Produced by Steven desJardins and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +The Complete Bachelor + +Manners for Men + +By the Author of the +"As Seen by Him" Papers + +With Index + +[Illustration: Publisher's logo] + +New York +D. Appleton and Company + +1896 + + + + +COPYRIGHT, 1896, +BY D. APPLETON AND COMPANY. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +I suppose a book of this character needs some excuse. The world is full +of volumes written on etiquette, and, in adding another to the number, +my plea for filling the want long felt may seem ridiculous. But I have +an excellent reason, and that is, that in all treatises of this +character I have found the bachelor sadly neglected. + +For many years, while conducting the query or "agony department" in +Vogue, I received letters from all parts of the United States asking for +information on certain details of etiquette which seem to have been +overlooked by the compilers or writers of etiquette manuals. My +correspondents always wanted these questions answered from the New York +standpoint. All this I have endeavored to do in this volume. I have +devoted a chapter to sports. In this I have made no attempt to give the +rules of the various pastimes therein enumerated. I have simply jotted +down some points which I hope may be of use to the outsider. + +In the chapter on dancing I have taken the Patriarchs' Ball in New York +as my standard of subscription entertainments of this character. I have +also written about cotillons as they are conducted in New York. I have +endeavored to be plain and lucid. I only desired that this book should +be a help to my reader in any dilemma of social import, and if I shall +have proved of assistance, I shall feel that my mission has been +accomplished, and that I have reached the goal of my ambition. + + + + +CONTENTS. + +CHAPTER PAGE + I. THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC 1 + II. HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS 10 + III. THE BACHELOR'S TOILET 17 + IV. THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES 24 + V. INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS 41 + VI. CARDS 49 + VII. THE DINER-OUT 54 + VIII. A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS 62 + IX. THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST 74 + X. THE COUNTRY HOUSE 85 + XI. A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS 94 + XII. THE DANCE 102 + XIII. THE COTILLON 112 + XIV. A BACHELOR'S LETTERS 119 + XV. THE BACHELOR'S CLUB 126 + XVI. THE SPORTING BACHELOR 136 + XVII. A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD 160 + XVIII. THE ENGAGED BACHELOR 169 + XIX. THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING 172 + XX. FUNERALS 193 + + + + +THE COMPLETE BACHELOR. + +CHAPTER I. + +THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC. + + +The average man is judged by his appearance and his deportment in +public. His dress, his bearing, his conduct toward women and his +fellow-men, are telling characteristics. + +In the street, when walking with a woman--the term "lady" being +objectionable, except in case of distinction--every man should be on his +mettle. Common sense, which is the basis of all etiquette, teaches him +that he should be her protector. Therefore, under general circumstances, +his place is on the street or outer side. Should there be a crowd on the +inner side, should the walking be muddy or rough, or should there be a +building in process of repair, or one or the other of the inconveniences +of city life, then the man should take the side which will enable him to +shield his fair companion from all annoyance. At night a man offers his +arm to a woman. In the daytime etiquette allows this only when the +sidewalk is very rough, when there are steps to climb, a crowd to be +piloted through, or a street crossing to effect. In any one of these +emergencies suggest, "I think you will find it better to take my arm." A +man never walks bodkin--that is, sandwiched between two women. + +It is the privilege of a woman to bow first. She may have reasons why +she should not wish to continue an acquaintance, and a man should never +take the initiative. Abroad, in many countries, the man bows first. When +old friends meet, however, the bowing is simultaneous. + +A man lifts his hat in acknowledgment of any salutation made to the +woman with whom he is walking. It is his place, on such an occasion, to +bow to a man friend, whether the latter enjoys or does not have the +pleasure of the acquaintance of the woman. A man's failure to do this +signifies that the woman does not wish to know him, or that her +companion does not wish her to know the other man. + +Hotel corridors and halls may be classed as semi-public places. A man +meeting a woman in one of these, where by custom he is permitted to +keep on his hat, must step aside and let her pass, raising his hat as he +does so. This does not apply to theater corridors, theater or hotel +lobbies, or offices. In such houses as the Waldorf in New York, where +the hall is utilized as a general sitting room by both sexes, it is not +good form for a man to keep on his hat. In London, however, the rule is +not as strict. + +Men in this country do not lift their hats to one another, except when +they are introduced in the open or a public place. Civility is never +wasted, and it is proper, as well as an act of reverence, to thus salute +a clergyman or a venerable and distinguished gentleman. + +A man always lifts his hat when offering a woman a service, such as +picking up or restoring to her a dropped pocket handkerchief or other +article, or when passing a fare in a public conveyance, or when +rendering any trifling assistance. Should she be with a male escort, the +latter should raise his hat and thank the person who has rendered the +service. This bit of politeness is under no circumstances the prelude to +an acquaintance with an unescorted woman, and no gentleman would take +advantage of it. A man always raises his hat and remains uncovered when +talking to a woman. + +It is not good form to stop a woman on the street, even if the exchange +of a few commonplace remarks be the excuse. A man never joins a woman on +a thoroughfare unless she be one from whose friendship he is sure that +he can claim this privilege. + +A gentleman always assists a woman in and out of a carriage or a public +conveyance. He opens the door of the vehicle for her, helps her in by a +deft motion of the right arm, and with his left protects her skirts from +any possible mud or dust on the wheel. As he leaves her he closes the +door, and, if it be a private conveyance, gives directions to the +driver. He lifts his hat in bidding her good-by. Even when there is a +footman, a second man, or an attendant, it should be esteemed a favor to +give this assistance. + +In entering shops, theaters, or other buildings, where there are +swinging doors, the escort goes ahead and holds one of them ajar, +passing in last. A woman always precedes a man, except in one or two +special cases. A man precedes a woman walking down the aisle of a +theater, and it is better form that he should take the inside seat, +especially if there is a man occupying the place next to the vacant +one. A man precedes a woman up a narrow staircase in a public building, +but in a private house, in ascending or descending a stairway, he should +always allow the woman to precede him. In entering a theater box a man +follows the usher, preceding the woman down the theater corridor to the +door of the box. He then holds this open, and the women precede him, he +following them. In a church, in going down a narrow aisle, the woman +precedes the man. + +The lift or elevator, as well as the corridors and lobbies of a public +building, the office of a hotel, and the vestibule of a theater, are +public highways. In these places a man keeps on his hat, his deportment +being the same as he would observe in the street. But when the lift or +elevator is fitted up as a drawing room, such as is used in hotels and +other semi-public buildings, a man removes his hat when the other sex is +of the number of its passengers. + +When escorting a woman to a house where she is to make a visit, always +mount the stoop or steps with her, ring the bell, and remain there until +the servant comes to the door. Then, if you are not going in, take off +your hat and leave her. Restaurants, the dining rooms of hotels, roof +gardens, and places of amusement in the open air, where refreshments are +served, are semi-public. + +A man always rises from the table at which he is sitting when a woman +bows to him and immediately returns the salutation. Should the place be +in the open, he doffs his hat, which under such circumstances he is +obliged to wear. When he is in a party and a lady and her escort chance +to stop at his table to exchange greetings with his friends, he should +rise and remain standing during the conversation. If a man is introduced +to him, unattended by a woman, and he is with a stag party, politeness +bids him also rise. + +A gentleman will never be seen in public with characters whom he could +not introduce to his mother or his sister. A man when he is with a lady +should be very careful, especially at roof gardens and such places in +midsummer, about recognizing male acquaintances who seem to be in rather +doubtful company. + +In walking, a man should carry either a stick or a well-rolled umbrella. +The stick should be grasped just below the crook or knob, but the +ferrule must be kept downward. In business hours or on business +thoroughfares to carry a stick is an affectation, but the man of +leisure is regarded leniently in these abodes as a privileged character. + +The umbrella is an instrument of peace rather than a weapon of war, and +should not be carried as "trailed arms," but like the stick it should be +grasped a short distance below the handle, and the latter held almost +upright on a very slight perpendicular. + +In the presence of ladies, unless by special permission, a gentleman +never smokes, and under no circumstances does he indulge in a weed while +on the street or walking with them. If, while smoking, a man should meet +a woman and there should be any stopping to talk, he must at once throw +away his cigar or his cigarette. A pipe is never smoked on fashionable +promenades, and a man in a top hat and a frock coat with a pipe in his +mouth is an anomaly. The pipe accompanies tweeds and a "pot" hat in the +country or on business thoroughfares. A meerschaum or a wooden pipe is +then allowable, but never a clay or a dudeen. The cuspidor is a banished +instrument. The filthy custom of tobacco chewing and consequent +expectoration can not be tolerated in civilized society. + +A gentleman is never hurried, nor does he loiter. The fashionable gait +is comparatively slow, with long steps. The exaggerated stride of the +Anglomaniac is as bad form as the swagger of the Bowery "tough." The +correct demeanor is without gesture or apparent effort. + +Staring at or ogling women, standing at the entrances of theaters, +churches, or other public buildings, stopping still and turning back to +look at some one or something in the street, can be classified as +offenses of which no gentleman can be guilty. + +Free and easy attitudes are not tolerated in good society, and this same +rule should apply to public conveyances. As the man who crosses his legs +in the presence of ladies is absolutely impossible, so should be the +individual who commits the same crime in a public conveyance. He not +only proves a nuisance to those around him, but he is a source of damage +as well as danger to the comfort and safety of his fellow-passengers. + +In a crowded car, ferryboat, or stage, it is yet a mooted question as to +whether or not a man should give up his seat to a woman. In theory he +should, but there are circumstances under which he may be pardoned. To a +refined or delicate lady, to an old or an enfeebled woman, or one +burdened with bundles or with a baby in the arms, the answer to this +should be a decided affirmative. In the South, this gallant action is +universally practiced, except when the woman is a negress. In public +conveyances a man should sit to the right of a woman. + +An escort should pay all fares in public conveyances, and should look +after the comfort and welfare of his companion, taking entire charge of +tickets, luggage, and luggage checks. Should a woman insist upon paying +her _pro rata_ of the expenses the arrangement can be made before +starting, many sensible women handing their escorts their purses for the +purpose. Do not offer to pay the fare of any of your women friends who +might possibly enter your train or stage. This is embarrassing and not +necessary. A railway car or carriage being a public conveyance, a man +always keeps on his hat, as he also does in a cab or any other vehicle +in which he is driving, accompanied or not accompanied by one of the +opposite sex. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS. + + +There are three rules of dress which, for the ordinary man in his +everyday life, might be resolved into two. These originally are morning, +afternoon, and evening. Morning and evening are absolutely necessary; +afternoon dress is donned on special occasions only. + +_Morning dress_ is that which is worn during business hours or at any +time in any place, where semiformal dress is not required until +candlelight or seven o'clock in the evening. It consists usually in +winter of a lounge or single-breasted sack suit made of many different +kinds of material, the favorites being Scotch tweeds or black and blue +cheviots, rough-faced and smooth. Fashions are liable to some variation +season after season, and the general rule can only be laid down in a +book of this kind. + +With the morning or lounge dress in winter is worn the Derby or +soft-felt Alpine hat, called the Hombourg. The Derbies are black, brown, +or drab, and the felts are gray, brown, drab, or black. The colored +shirt with white standing or turned-down collar is the usual +accompaniment to the lounge suit. The fashion for colored shirts in +stripes has been that the patterns run up and down and not across the +bosom. The tie is a four-in-hand or an Ascot, or a simple bow, the boots +black leather or dark-brown russet, and the gloves of tan or gray +undressed kid or of dogskin. For ordinary business wear, suits of black +or gray mixed cheviot, vicuna or worsted, or fancy Scotch goods, the +coat of which is a "cutaway," are also popular; but the black diagonal +"cutaway" has passed entirely out of fashion, and is utilized at present +in riding costume. + +The lounge suit in summer is of blue flannel or very light cheviot or +tweed. Straw hats are worn in place of Derbies and felts. Fashion +sometimes dictates fancy waistcoats of linen to be worn with business +suits; otherwise the entire costume--trousers, coat, and waistcoat--is +of the same material. + +In the country, at the seaside, or in communities where golf, wheeling, +tennis, yachting or other sports and pastimes are the order of the day, +the costumes appropriate for these are in vogue for lounge or morning +suits. This is what the English call "mufti." Such costumes are, +however, not in good form in the city. + +Black leather, tan, or russet shoes are worn with morning dress. White +duck or flannel trousers, with black or blue cheviot coat and waistcoat, +make fashionable lounge suits for summer resorts. + +_Afternoon dress_ consists of a double-breasted frock coat of soft +cheviot, vicuna, or diagonal worsted with either waistcoat to +match--single-breasted or double-breasted--of fancy cloth, Marseilles +duck or pique; trousers of different material, usually cashmere, quiet +in tone, with a striped pattern on a dark gray, drab, or blue +background; boots of patent leather, buttoned, not tied; a white or +colored shirt with straight standing white collar; a four-in-hand, +puffed Ascot, or small club tie; silk hat and undressed gray, tan, or +brown kid gloves. The colored shirt is an innovation, and it should be +used sparingly, white linen on any semiformal function being in better +form. When spats are used they should be of brown, gray, or drab cloth +or canvas, to match the trousers as nearly as possible. Some ultra +faddists wear white kid gloves with afternoon dress, but the fashion is +not universal. + +Afternoon dress, is the attire for weddings--for the bridegroom, best +man, ushers, and male guests; at afternoon teas, afternoon receptions, +afternoon calls, afternoon walks on the fashionable avenue, garden +parties (but not picnics), luncheons, and, in fact, at all formal or +semiformal functions taking place between midday and candlelight, as +well as at church on Sundays, at funerals, and in the park in London +after midday. + +Gray frock-coat suits are recent introductions from London, and have +been worn at all the functions at which the black is required, but the +latter is more conservative and in better taste. The afternoon dress is +seldom worn in midsummer, morning suits being allowable at seaside and +mountain-resort day functions. + +_Evening dress_ is the proper attire, winter or summer, on all occasions +after candlelight. There are two kinds of evening dress, formal and +informal. + +Formal or "full" evening dress, as it is sometimes vulgarly called, +consists of the evening or "swallowtail" coat of black dress worsted or +soft-faced vicuna, with or without silk or satin facing, with waistcoat +and trousers of the same material, the latter plain or with a braid down +the sides. The "dress" waistcoat can also be of white duck or pique, in +which case it is double-breasted. The shape of the dress waistcoat shows +the shirt bosom in the form of a "U." + +The evening shirt is of plain white linen, with two shirt buttons and +link cuffs, straight standing collar, white lawn or linen tie. The +gloves are white with white stitching, the hose of black silk, and the +handkerchief, which must be present but not seen, of plain white linen. +The shoes are patent-leather pumps or "low quarters," tied, not +buttoned. + +The overcoat is an Inverness of black cheviot, lined with satin and +without sleeves, and the hat a crush opera. These two latter adjuncts +are not indispensable, but most convenient. An ordinary black overcoat +and top hat can be worn with evening dress. No visible jewelry--not even +a watch chain--is allowed. The shirt buttons are either of white enamel, +dull-finished gold, or pearls, and the sleeve links white-enameled or +lozenge-shaped disks of gold, with a monogram thereon engraved. + +Evening dress is _de rigueur_ at balls, dances, evening receptions, +evening weddings, dinners, suppers, the opera, and the theater, when +calling after candlelight, and in fact at any formal evening function +and generally when ladies are present. + +Informal evening dress differs from formal in the wearing of the Tuxedo +or dinner coat in place of the "swallowtail," and the substitution of a +black silk for a white lawn tie. + +The dinner coat is of black worsted or vicuna, satin-faced. It is the +badge of informality. Formerly it was only worn at the club, at small +stag dinners, and on occasions when ladies were not present. Now it is +in vogue during the summer at hotel hops and at small informal parties +to the play, at bowling parties, restaurant dinners, and, in fact, on +any occasion which is not formal. From June to October men wear it in +town every evening without overcoat. + +As the dinner jacket is short, a top or silk hat can not be worn with +it. The proper headgear in winter is a black felt soft hat, in summer a +straw. + +The dinner jacket is becoming a necessity. It is worn also by all youths +and boys from twelve years to seventeen, at which latter period they can +assume the _toga virilis_ or swallowtail. + +I here append a few cautionary hints which must be taken if you wish to +dress well. + +All scarves and ties should be tied by one's self. Made-up neckwear of +any kind is not worn by well-groomed men. + +White evening waistcoats and Tuxedo coats do not agree; black is only +allowable. + +Jewelry is vulgar. The ring for a man is a seal of either green or red +stone, or of plain burnished gold with the seal or monogram engraved +upon it. It must be worn on the little finger. + +Watch chains and watch fobs are not in vogue. Watches and latchkeys are +attached to a key chain and hidden in the trousers pocket. Diamonds are +only in good form when set in a scarf pin, and even then they are in +questionable taste. Diamond buttons and diamond rings are absolutely +vulgar. + +The fashionable overcoat in winter is a Chesterfield or single-breasted +frock of kersey or like material in brown, blue, or black, with velvet +collar. For autumn and spring the tan covert coat is in vogue. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +THE BACHELOR'S TOILET. + + +The first care of a bachelor is his bath or tub. To-day, +houses--especially clubs and bachelor apartments--are fitted up so +luxuriously that each tenant has his own individual tiled bathroom, +which he uses also as a dressing room. But where these are not, the tin +or the India-rubber bath tub serves as well the purpose of our first +ablution. A cold bath to many is a good refresher and awakener, but +there are others again whose constitutions can not stand the shock, +especially in winter, of icy-cold water. For cleansing purposes, tepid +water is best, or a mixture of hot and cold, so as to take the chill +off. + +A gentleman takes at least one tub a day, and that, as may be inferred +from the previous remarks, when he arises. If the tub is in the bedroom, +have a rubber cloth placed under, and fill it only half full. The sponge +is used for the bath, the wash rag for the washstand. The body should +have a thorough soaping. The soap should be either Castile or a pure +unscented glycerin. Sweet-scented soaps, perfumery, and sweet waters of +all kinds should be eschewed. The Turkish towel is the best for drying, +and it should be vigorously but not roughly applied. A flesh brush may +be also used with comfort. As soon as the body is perfectly dry the bath +robe or large Turkish towel, which some prefer to wrap themselves in, +like Indians, should be resumed and shaving begun. + +Every man should learn to shave himself. Razors are very delicate +instruments and should be kept in thorough order. Safety razors with +little blades for each day in the week are excellent, but if you use the +ordinary razor add to your collection from time to time, until you have +at least half a dozen. Once a month send these to a barber to be +stropped, and strop them yourself both before and after using. Wipe them +dry with a piece of chamois cloth and put them back in their cases. The +best strop is of Russia leather or of canvas. + +Warm water is not absolutely necessary for shaving, as some beards are +soft and resist heat. + +If possible, arrange a shaving stand with a triplicate mirror and places +for your razors, shaving mug, brush, and soap. You can purchase one of +these, with the entire outfit, for a few dollars at any of the large +city shops. A ring or little silver or metal hook for shaving paper can +be placed on one side of the stand. A cleanly man shaves every morning. +After shaving, wash the face with a little warm water and wipe it +thoroughly dry. Add to the water a few drops of ammonia or of Pond's +extract, if the skin is liable to chap. + +In the fashion of beards, the clean or smooth-shaven face, the pointed +beard, and the simple mustache are those generally in vogue. Should you +wear a beard, you should have for it a special comb and brush. + +A small tin basin, a package of sea salt, and a special wash rag are the +requisites for a morning eye bath. Sea salt and warm water are +recommended by oculists as the best tonic for the eyes. + +The teeth next claim your attention. There is nothing more disgusting +than foul breath, which comes frequently from neglected teeth. Use a +soft toothbrush. Avoid patent tooth washes and lotions. An excellent +tooth powder is made of two thirds French chalk, one third orris root, +and a pinch of myrrh. Any chemist will put this up for fifteen cents. +Tepid and not cold water should be used. In rinsing the mouth a drop or +two of listerine added to the water is excellent. Teeth should be +brushed at least twice a day--morning and evening. Never use soap on +your toothbrush. Get a spool of dental silk--it will cost you eight +cents--and draw the thread between your teeth before you retire, so as +to remove any substance which might have got into a crevice. And, above +all, have your teeth examined carefully by a good dentist at least twice +a year. + +See that your toothbrush is sweet and clean, and place it handle down in +the tooth mug. + +The hands should be well washed and dried, tepid water, scentless soap, +and a smooth towel being used. The nails should have a vigorous rubbing +with a good nailbrush in the morning before your meals and before you go +to bed at night. The nail file and nail scissors must be used as often +as possible. Remember, dirty finger nails betray the vulgar and the +unkempt. A man with dirty hands is impossible. + +The nails should not be pointed, but well rounded and kept free of bits +of callous skin around the base, called "hangnails." Finger nails should +be kept short, just a bit beyond the fleshy tip of the finger. + +The nails of the toes should be kept as carefully as those of the hands. +In summer a little talcum powder on the feet will prevent the odor of +perspiration. + +The fashions for parting the hair change with the times. At present it +is the direct part in the middle which is most fashionable. Very young +men wear their hair unusually long, but this fad is uncleanly. The hair +should be cut at least once a month, and a glimpse of the skin of the +neck should always intervene between the roots and the collar. + +Pomatums and greases and scents of all kinds are sticky and injurious. +If you suffer with dryness of the scalp rub a little vaseline into it +occasionally. Washings with tar soap or with a little alcohol and +rosemary are beneficial. The scalp should be well brushed with +moderately firm but not hard bristles. The best brushes are those +without handles, known as army and navy. Water is bad for the hair. +Constant combing with a fine-tooth comb is apt to irritate the scalp and +provoke dandruff, which can be allayed by brushing, shampooing, and the +use of borax and warm water. + +Turkish or Russian baths are beneficial now and then, and the vigorous +massage after a thorough steaming is admirable for the skin. A man +should be scrupulously neat about his toilet articles and appliances. In +your bathroom you should have a rack for your coarse and fine towels. +Always place the towel you have used at the side of a stationary or on +the back of a movable tub to dry. See that the soap is removed from your +sponges, and once a fortnight clean them in one quarter of an ounce of +borax dissolved in tepid water. Let them soak for an hour, and squeeze +them out in clean water. + +Hairbrushes are washed in a little soda put into a quart of hot water. +The brush must be dipped downward so as not to wet the back. When they +are cleansed they can be rinsed in cold water and stood on their side, +after the water is shaken out, until quite dry. + +Nailbrushes must be turned on their sides, after using, so that the +water will not soak in and crack their backs. + +A man's toilet articles, whether in silver or wood, should be of one +distinctive style and material. Tooth and nail brushes should never +have silver handles, but hair and clothes brushes with silver backs are +very smart. They should be kept polished with a chamois cloth, and +occasionally a little silver polish or whiting. Your bureau or dressing +table is the place for the hair and clothes brushes, the combs, the +toilet mirror, nail files, nail scissors, and such smaller articles. +Your nail and tooth brushes and soaps go on the wash-hand stand. Your +sponges are best put in a little wire basket at the side of the +wash-hand stand, or the immovable washstand if your room or bathroom has +the latter convenience. + +Your bedroom should be ventilated and all the windows opened after you +leave it, and you should have at least one window up during your +sleeping hours. If you have a movable tub see that it is aired each +morning after using. + +Always make a change of clothes and of shoes when you come in from a +busy day and from the street. Nothing ruins clothes so much as lounging +about your room in them. And last but not least, as it contains the +essential of all these rules and hints, be always immaculately clean. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES. + + +There are comparatively few men who can afford the luxury of a good +valet, and that personage himself, when found thoroughly competent, is +indeed a treasure. But it is an absurd mistake for any one to think that +a valet is a necessity. If you take a quarter of an hour for the care of +your clothes every day, you can be just as well turned out as if you +hired an expensive servant. Even if you have indulged in the luxury of a +valet, you yourself should know all about looking after your wardrobe. + +Whenever you change your clothes you should first empty all your +pockets. Then, as soon as each garment is removed, it should be +vigorously shaken and brushed before it is folded and put away. Never +hang coats, trousers, or waistcoats; always fold them. Wire coat hangers +and trousers stretchers ruin clothes. Whisk brooms are useful only when +an extra-vigorous treatment is desired. Take a clothes brush and give +your coat, as soon as you take it off, a thorough brushing, and hold it +to the light, so that no particle of dust may escape your eye. The coat +is then folded exactly in half lengthwise, sleeve to sleeve, the lining +on the outside. With evening coats it is sometimes necessary to fold the +sleeves in half, owing to the shortness of the waist. In packing a trunk +the same method is used, only the sleeves are stuffed with tissue paper +to avoid possible wrinkles. + +Large and bulky garments, such as overcoats and frock coats, should be +folded in triplicate. Lay the coat flat on a table and first fold on +both sides, the right and the left, so much of the lapel and collar +lengthwise as will cover the sleeve. This will make two folds from the +top of the collar to the bottom of the skirt. Then fold the coat again +in half lengthwise, using the back as a hinge. You will find the same +principle illustrated by a cook with a pancake. The waistcoat is folded +in half, with the lining on the outside. Always take off your shoes and +unbutton the braces before you remove your trousers, and fold them over +the back of a chair, which is to serve you as a clothes rack. Take the +trousers by the waist and place together the first two suspender +buttons, one on the left and the other on the right. This will make the +fold preserve the natural crease and dispose of the extra material, +button and buttonhole tab at the waist. Trousers carefully folded will +only need pressing about twice a year. Hose should be well shaken, and +unless perfectly clean, thrown in the soiled-linen basket. Evening silk +hose can be worn several times. The undervest, or undershirt, and the +drawers should be also subjected to a vigorous shaking, and hung on the +back of the same chair where you have already placed your hose. All +these intimate garments are to be aired, and the chair on which you have +hung them taken to the window. + +Use a closet and a chest of drawers for your clothes. If you are in very +limited quarters, six drawers and a trunk should be sufficient for all +your belongings. The evening clothes occupy one drawer or shelf, and the +morning and afternoon suits the other or two others. The remainder will +be for linen, underclothing, ties, and handkerchiefs. + +Between each suit of clothes there should be laid a newspaper; those +publications which use the blackest of printer's ink--the surest +antidote for moths--being the best for this purpose. Cover the top of +each pile of clothes, when the drawer or shelf is full, with a clean +towel. + +In a chest with four drawers the bottom one should be used for +underclothes, the top for handkerchiefs, hose, and ties, and the two +intermediate for your linen. The closet will have to serve for your +suits of clothes, or, in lieu of that, your trunk. Otherwise the +last-mentioned receptacle is the place for clothes out of season, +carefully laid away with a full complement of newspaper and camphor. + +When you remove your shirt at night, or when you change for dinner, be +careful to take out the buttons and sleeve links, unless you intend to +wear the garment again. In that case, hang it up in your closet. + +The first gift which a bachelor usually receives from his sister or his +sweetheart is a handkerchief case, and I hardly need advise you to +purchase what is a standard Christmas offering. Keep your handkerchiefs +in this, your neatly folded ties in the second division of the drawer, +and your hose in the third. If you should have a silver and plush +pincushion with a movable top, your small articles of jewelry go in its +interior, or in a small box in the top drawer. + +Silk hats, Derbies, and Alpines or soft-felt hats should never be +brushed with a whisk broom. A hatter will sell you for a small sum a +soft brush with a pliable plush back, which will do for smoothing your +silk hat, the bristles to be applied in removing the dust. A silk +handkerchief will also smooth a silk hat. Frequent ironing destroys the +nap. Straw hats can be cleaned by first rubbing them over with the half +of a lemon, then taking an old nail brush and some brown soap and water +and giving it a vigorous brushing. Then you should take heavy books and +lay them on the brim of the hat. An old pincushion or several towels +rolled into a firm ball, or a book which will fit exactly, should be +placed inside the crown. Allow the hat to dry, and do not remove the +weights until this is accomplished. You will find your straw as good as +new and the shape preserved. The writer has tried this with great +success. + +Boots and shoes when not in use should be put on wooden trees to keep +them in shape. As trees are rather expensive, one can use paper and +stuff it inside the boot or shoe. This will not prove a bad substitute. +With patent leathers, paper or cotton stuffed in the toes prevents the +leather from wrinkling, and in this instance the very cheap material is +better than the more expensive appliance. Patent leathers must be +creamed and rubbed with a chamois cloth or linen or flannel rag after +all mud and dust have first been removed. This operation should be +repeated daily. Some men maintain that patent leathers should be +varnished as soon as they come home from the bootmaker, but I disagree +with them. A varnished patent leather has always a cheap look, and the +coat of veneer is only applied as a last resort, to hide the cracks. +Russet boots and shoes are treated daily with the special cream sold for +them, which can be obtained at any bootmaker's or shoe shop. The price +is small, and the stuff will last a long time. Russet boots, however, +can be very well treated with a little vaseline, but that product will +not give them the deep-brown color which is so fashionable. The soles of +boots and shoes should be painted black. When a man is obliged to kneel +in any ceremony, the sight of white or yellow gleaming soles is absurd. + +In wet weather it is absolutely necessary to turn up the bottoms of your +trousers, to keep them from fraying. + +I would suggest a general overhauling of clothes about once a month. At +the end of each season the heavy or light garments should receive a +final brushing and be stored away in a trunk, chest, or spare room with, +as I have already advised, newspapers between them, and some camphor or +moth destroyer as an extra precaution. Overcoats, which are in such +general use, may be hung during their season of service, but should be +frequently brushed and well shaken. + +The economy of space thus observed in the arrangement of clothes in a +room will make it an easy matter when about to travel to pack one's +wardrobe in a trunk. + +A shoe bag is a great convenience. A simple canvas arrangement can be +purchased very cheaply, or one of your fair friends can make you one. +Your shoes should be placed in this and put at the bottom of the trunk +in a corner. Otherwise you should wrap your shoes and boots in paper. If +you travel with two trunks, one should be reserved for your outer +garments and the other for your shirts and underclothes. With one trunk, +a shirt box is as much an article to be desired as a shoe bag, but in +lieu of this the shirts should be placed in the first or top tray, the +underclothes and hose in the second, and the outer garments in the +bottom. A small space in the top can be reserved for your ties and +handkerchiefs. Toilet articles are carried in a hand bag; waterproofs, +overcoats, and umbrellas and walking sticks in a shawl strap. Your silk +hat has but one place, and that is in a hatbox. You can put a Derby in a +corner of a trunk but a silk hat would be ruined. + +When a long journey is taken, it is economy in the end to purchase an +extra steamer trunk for your underclothes and linen. Trunks are not +expensive, and you will find that by not crowding your clothes you will +save in the long run. + +Always keep in your room a small bottle of a good grease-remover as well +as one of ammonia, some soft rags, and a chamois for general cleaning +purposes. An expenditure of a little over a quarter of a dollar will +provide you with these necessaries. + +Never lounge around your room in your street or evening dress. If you +are to stay awhile, or if you come in for the night, take off your +clothes and put on a bath robe or your pyjamas if you do not possess a +dressing gown, which is not a necessity. + +At your office you should always have an old coat to wear, and if it be +summer have one of linen. To sit around in one's shirt sleeves, even at +one's place of business, is not characteristic of the gentleman. + + +THE COST OF CLOTHES. + +Every young man starting in life and wishing naturally to take a part in +social functions and to become a member of that body indefinitely known +as society, is confronted with the problem of clothes. A few years ago +the ordinary changes of morning, afternoon, and evening were all that +were requisite, but to-day, with special costumes for various sports and +pastimes, the outlook at first glance to one of limited income is not +encouraging. And yet a man with a modest salary can dress very well on +two to three hundred dollars a year, and even less. It is only the first +step which costs. One must have a foundation or a slight capital with +which to start. After that with a little care expenses can be easily +regulated. + +The evening suit is the most expensive essential of a man's wardrobe. +This he is obliged to have. I would advise, in selecting a suit of this +kind, to have it of good material from a good tailor, after a model not +too pronounced, so that in case of any small alteration in the fashions +it can survive a season or two. With proper care your evening suit +should last at least five years. During the first two or three it should +be your costume for formal occasions. During the third season you might +possibly have another pair of trousers made or renew the waistcoat or +even the coat. When you find yourself, thus by the principles of the +doctrine of the survival of the fittest, the possessor of two evening +suits, use the old one for theaters and small dinners, and the best for +the formal functions. White waistcoats are very smart for evening wear, +and an investment in one or two of these during the course of a season +will save the waistcoat of the evening suit. The prices of evening suits +vary. The most fashionable Fifth Avenue tailors charge as much as one +hundred and twenty-five dollars for them. Some men argue that this sum +insures an excellent investment. However, you can have an excellent one +made by a good tailor for an outlay of about forty dollars. The large +retail clothing shops have a custom department, and that is their figure +for an evening suit made to order. You can even have one for twenty-five +dollars, but I would not spend a less amount. Superintend the making of +it yourself. Some men have adjustable figures, and they can purchase +their clothes from the block--that is, ready-made. The only fault to +find with these garments is their machinelike cut. The pockets, if any, +the lines, the binding, and the entire get-up look as if these affairs +had been turned out by the dozen. + +White waistcoats for evening wear are, however, somewhat in the nature +of luxuries. They are difficult to have laundered, and some very smart +men object to having them sent to the wash, and would not wear one after +it has gone through that process. The Fifth Avenue tailor will charge as +much as twenty dollars for a white duck waistcoat made to order. It may +fit you perfectly, but yet again it may not look a whit better than the +ready-made which you can purchase at a haberdasher's for from three to +five dollars. + +A Tuxedo or dinner coat, as explained in another chapter, is almost a +necessity. It is really a saving. If you can not afford to have an +entire suit of this kind made you may simply have the jacket, which will +cost from twenty-five to forty dollars, and wear it with the trousers +and waistcoat, and keep it to be part of your informal evening dress. + +I have known men to have their black sack coats or old black diagonal +cutaways or old evening coat changed into a Tuxedo by the cutting off of +tails, the substitution of a silk collar, or some other alteration. A +sack coat is easily arranged, and any little tailor around the corner +will make the metamorphosis for three dollars. Suppose you have had one +of your old coats transformed into a Tuxedo. You can purchase, if you do +not wish to have made, a pair of black trousers of the same material for +a very few dollars, and an old black waistcoat, which went with the +original coat, can also be altered. Remember that a Tuxedo dinner coat +has not to be of a certain material. It must be black and have a silk +collar. It is really _neglige_. + +You should start with a capital of at least six evening shirts. If you +are a wealthy man these will cost possibly, made to order, as high as +fifty-six dollars, but you can also have excellent ones for nine +dollars. It is considered smart to have the collars attached, but not +necessary. The cuffs, however, should be always a part of the shirt. + +White ties are twenty-five to thirty-five cents a piece. Always state +the number of collar you wear when purchasing evening ties, and you +will never have cause to complain of the length. + +Black patent-leather pumps, made to order, are from eight to nine +dollars. You can get them much cheaper ready made, but the only trouble +with them is that they are not usually good fits, and that in future +years you will have cause to regret this economy. Of black silk +stockings, of which you will need two or three pair, you can have a +choice from a dollar and a half to six dollars a pair. + +I would advise the purchase of two business or lounge suits a year for +the first three years. In making this estimate I can hardly suppose that +you are in the state of Adam, and I would advise you to wear your old +suit in winter especially, and on rainy and stormy days. Your overcoat +will conceal it in the street, and at the office the older the clothes +the better. The pivotal points of a man are his hat, boots, and tie. +Have these perfectly correct, and the rest will take care of itself. + +For winter buy a thick, useful cloth, such as Scotch homespun or rough +cheviot or tweed. Brown and gray mixtures are always fashionable and +wear well. + +In summer a light-gray check or a blue cheviot or flannel are always +smart. + +Thus making an old suit of the year before alternate with the new one, +you will find that eighty dollars will be sufficient to help you be a +well-groomed man. + +A half dozen colored shirts for morning wear are necessary, with +attached cuffs but detached collars. Every now and then I would invest a +few dollars in shirts, and before you know it you will have a large +supply. As dress shirts grow old send them to be repaired at any of the +many places which you will find advertised, and use them for morning +shirts. + +Six changes of underwear--merino or wool--and a dozen balbriggan or +woolen hose will be sufficient. Summer underwear is very cheap, and you +can get a light merino suit for one dollar. A four-dollar investment +will last several seasons. Good winter underwear is expensive, costing +four or five dollars a suit. + +Pyjamas of Madras or pongee silk, very effective and pretty, can be had +for a dollar and a half to three dollars a suit. Four suits of +these--two for summer and two for winter--will last at least two years. + +A man must have, besides his dancing pumps, a pair of patent-leather +walking boots and a pair of stout common boots for everyday wear. If you +can afford it, have two pair of boots made at the same time, or even +more. An investment of fifty dollars in boots, at say eight dollars a +pair, would be excellent. You can change daily, and they will last you +over a period of two or three or more years. + +The afternoon suit is more or less a luxury. Unless you frequent +afternoon teas or make many afternoon calls, or act as an usher at +weddings in any city but New York, the frock coat is not, for the first +three or four years of your career, an absolute necessity. In New York, +however, where calls are only made in the afternoon, it must form a part +of your wardrobe. + +A frock coat can be made for forty or fifty dollars; seventy-five to one +hundred dollars is charged by the most expensive tailors. When you order +it, see that it is not in the extreme of fashion. The conservative +garment will last a number of years. The material, as I have already +suggested in another chapter, must be of rough worsted, vicuna, or +material of that kind, and never of broadcloth. + +With it you must have a pair of "fancy" or cashmere trousers. These will +cost from eight to fifteen dollars, and they will last you several +years. In fact, the purchasing of the afternoon suit in one way is +excellent: it does not have to be renewed as often as other parts of +your wardrobe. It stays practically in fashion, with little deviation, +for almost a decade. + +The silk hat, which is necessary for the afternoon suit, is one of the +most expensive items of a man's wardrobe. A top hat must be of the +prevailing mode. Autumn is the best time for purchasing, as you can +dispense with it after May, except on very special occasions. Two +Derbies--one for autumn and the other for spring--at from two to four +dollars, or only one, for that matter, to last through the entire eight +months, and a straw hat, from two to four dollars, will be the entire +amount expended for headgear by the very best-dressed men. For a Derby +you can substitute an Alpine or Hombourg. The opera crush hat is a +luxury, and you can wear with your evening suit your top hat of the year +before, which you can christen your "night hawk." + +Shirt buttons and sleeve links are also an expensive item. However, the +purchase of these occurs but once in a lifetime, and fifteen dollars +would do beautifully for enamel or plain gold. + +Ties vary in price, and it is difficult to limit a man on this +expenditure. Many invest in them as a fad, picking them up here and +there, and thus accumulating a large assortment. A little judgment in +purchasing will allow you to acquire quite a large wardrobe. If you give +your personal supervision to the making of your clothes you can employ a +cheap tailor who will turn out very good work. For fashion plates, I do +not know of any better than Du Maurier's pictures of smart London men in +the London Punch. Watch the sales in the autumn and the late spring for +bargains in haberdashery. Study well the advice given in the chapter on +the Care of Clothes in this book, and you will find therein that which +will certainly teach you economy. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS. + + +Formal introductions are not in vogue in this country. The nearest +approach to it is when one is desirous of introducing a stranger or one +of his particular friends to another. When you desire to present a man +to a woman you must ask her if you may bring Mr. ---- to her house. In +New York the customary time for such visits is in the afternoon, between +four and six. In introducing men to one another it is unnecessary to +make a formal appointment. In presenting a man to a woman her permission +must first be asked. The formula is, "Mrs. C----, may I present Mr. +D----?" Informal introductions may be made between people visiting in +the same house by simply saying, "Mrs. D----, may I present Mr. B----?" +or "Mr. F----, do you know Mr. C----?" These informal introductions +need not be recognized afterward unless mutually agreeable. + +Introductions are never made in the street or in public places of any +kind, or in public conveyances, unless under exceptional circumstances. +It is extremely bad form to introduce a guest on his entrance into a +room to more than one other. Wholesale introductions are not the custom +in New York. General introductions are not made at a dinner or at any +function. People are sufficiently well bred to engage in general +conversation when in the houses of their friends, even if they do not +know each other, and not to take advantage of the circumstances +afterward. + +At any function at which the guests are told off, the host or hostess +only presents the man to the woman whom he is to take down. A man never +shakes hands upon being presented to a woman, but always on being +introduced to a man. A man should never shake hands with a woman while +wearing his gloves unless she also is gloved. Your hostess will give her +hand to you when you make your obeisance. After being presented, an +invitation is apt to follow. It may be, "Drop in to tea any afternoon," +or simply, "I would be glad to have you call." This invitation should +always come from a married woman. Unmarried women do not ask young men +to call. A man may ask the privilege of calling, or the mother of the +young woman may say, "We should be pleased to have you call, Mr. Smith." + +In New York and in many of the larger cities, as has already been +stated, the proper time for a man to call on a woman is between the +hours of four and six in the afternoon. Sometimes women have "days" in +the season, and you should pay your call on one of them. Otherwise any +afternoon may do, and you can use Sunday for this purpose after three +o'clock. + +Afternoon dress is, of course, requisite. In those places where evening +calls are made a man must wear formal evening dress. + +On the opening of the door by the servant, a man asks of him whether the +hostess or "the ladies" are at home. This will depend on the number of +the members of the family receiving. He gives to the domestic the proper +number of cards. The servant precedes him, opens the drawing-room door +for him, and in some ultra English houses he is announced. His card or +cards have been deposited on the silver tray which the servant has +presented to him in the hall and left there. A visiting card is never +brought into the drawing room. A man on a first or a formal call carries +his stick and hat into the drawing room with him. To "hang his hat" in +the hall shows great intimacy--even relationship--in the house. He, +however, should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella. +His hostess will advance to meet him, and will extend to him her right +hand with a somewhat stiff angular motion, and he should shake it with a +quick nervous movement of his right. He should neither grasp nor squeeze +her hand, nor should he attempt that absurd so-called British shake in +the air, which is never practiced except by player folk. A man removes +his glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room, and holds +this with his stick and hat in his left. The hat should be at an angle, +the top about level with his nose. At weddings, the opera, and dances, +where a woman is gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, does +not remove his gloves. On ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved in +her own drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is not usually +expected. Should the hostess be gloved, as at a large affair, such as a +formal or wedding reception, a man shakes hands with her with them on. + +Tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers, little +cakes, and sometimes sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup of tea, +a doylie will be given you, which place upon your knee. When another +caller enters the room stand up, whether it is a woman or a man. Ten +minutes is all that is necessary for a formal call. It is less awkward +to leave when a new caller is announced. Shake hands with your hostess +and bow to the people present. Leave the room sideways, so as not to +turn your back upon the company, and bow to them as you reach the door, +thus bowing yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer or a sitter. No +men are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores. The first +arrivals leave first. Freezing out is not known in good society. + +Calls should be made after every civility extended and every invitation +accepted or regretted; after weddings, wedding receptions, deaths in +families, etc., as fully explained in the chapter on card-leaving. + +A letter of introduction is always sent, never left in person. Calls at +the theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are not +accepted as formal. A man enters an opera box, stands, and bows. His +hostess will turn around and greet him. He will then, if there is a +vacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a little while, leaving on the +arrival of another caller. These rules for afternoon calls can be +applied also to those made in the evening. + +If no day is set for a first call, a man is expected to drop in any +afternoon within ten days after the invitation. The sooner a call is +made the greater the compliment. A second call may be made within two or +three months; after that once or twice a year, as intimacy permits. A +man is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which he +has not first called. The usual form of a dinner invitation, the hostess +being married, reads: + + _My dear Mr. Smith:_ + + _Will you dine with us, most informally, on Wednesday, + December the ninth, at eight o'clock? Hoping that you have no + engagement for that evening, believe me,_ + + _Yours very sincerely,_ + _Alice de Tompkins._ + _November thirtieth._ + +An answer to an invitation like this, which should be sent within +twenty-four hours, reads: + + _My dear Mrs. de Tompkins:_ + + _It will give me great pleasure to dine with you on Wednesday + evening, December the ninth, at eight o'clock. With many thanks for + your kind thought of me,_ + + _Yours very sincerely,_ + _Algernon Smith._ + _December first._ + +Or, in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or twelve +guests: + + _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins_ + _request the pleasure of_ + _Mr. Smith's_ + _company at dinner on_ + _Wednesday evening, December_ + _the ninth, at eight o'clock._ + +The answer reads: + + _Mr. Algernon Smith, Jr.,_ + _accepts with pleasure_ + _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins's_ + _kind invitation for_ + _Wednesday evening, December the ninth,_ + _at eight o'clock._ + _December first._ + +Answers to formal luncheon invitations are written in the same manner, +only changing the hours, etc. + +Informal invitations to breakfasts and luncheons will be treated in the +chapter on that subject. + +The form of an invitation to a private dance is: + + _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins request the pleasure of Mr. Algernon + Smith's company on Friday evening, January the ninth, at nine + o'clock._ + + _R. S. V. P._ _Dancing._ + +The answer to this would be similarly worded as in case of the formal +dinner. As dance invitations are usually sent out three weeks in +advance, three days' grace is allowed for the answer. + +When an invitation is received to a subscription ball, like the +assemblies in various cities, you should acknowledge it, by your +acceptance or regret, to the subscriber sending it; but when an +invitation is received from a ball committee, you should accept as +follows: + + _Mr. James de Courcy Peterson accepts with pleasure the committee's + kind invitation for Thursday evening, February the fifteenth._ + + _January second._ + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +CARDS. + + +There is only one visiting card in vogue for a man. It must be of plain +white bristol board, unglazed, about three or four inches in length and +about two inches in width. The name should be engraved, not printed, in +the middle of the card, in small copperplate type, without ornamentation +of any kind. The prefix "Mr." is always used unless the person is a +physician, in which case he can place "Dr." before his name, or a +clergyman, when he may use the "Rev. Mr." or the "Rev. Dr.," according +to his rank. Army and navy men, ranking as captain or above, should put +their rank on their cards. "Mr." is the prefix for subalterns. The +address is placed underneath the name in smaller type and in the +right-hand corner. If an address, however, is that of a man's club, it +should be engraved on the left hand. A man's card should also contain +his Christian as well as his surname. If he possesses two Christian +names, or any distinctive family name, that should also be given, so +that his appellation is shown in full. For instance, "Mr. John William +Jones," "Mr. James Brown Smith," "Mr. Hamilton Hamilton-Stuyvesant." +Visiting cards should be kept in a small case of sealskin or black or +Russia leather and carried in the inside pocket of a frock coat, or if +small enough more conveniently in the waistcoat pocket. Card cases +should be stamped with initials or have a silver monogram. Visiting +cards should never be carried loose in the pocket. A card is left in +person the day after a dinner, luncheon, or breakfast, or within a week +at latest after a ball. Civility must be returned by civility, and cards +must be left on every occasion on which a call is necessary. Cards +should not be sent by mail, unless when about to leave the country, or +under circumstances where it is impossible to make a personal call. On +leaving the country you should write the initials P. P. C. (_pour +prendre conge_) in the right-hand corner. In New York many men send +cards by mail, offering the excuse that the city is too large to get +about to make personal calls. This is only a flimsy pretext, and should +have no weight. + +The question of how many cards to leave is one which seems to bewilder +most people. The general rule is a card to each person. This will have +to be explained. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith you must leave a +card for each--two cards. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the +Misses Smith, three cards, the young ladies counting as a unit. For Mr. +and Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith, and their married daughter Mrs. Jones +staying with them, four cards--Mrs. Jones being entitled to the fourth. +If Mr. Jones is also stopping at the Smiths leave an extra card for him. +For Mrs. Smith (widow) and the Misses Smith, two cards. For Mr. Smith +(widower) and the Misses Smith, two cards. + +In mailing cards, address them on the envelope "Mrs. Smith, the Misses +Smith," or "Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith"; "The Misses Brown-Smith," +the one under the other. Never write on your cards "For Mr. and Mrs. +John Brown-Smith." It is bad form. Never leave cards for people who have +not asked you to call. When friends from another city, who have +entertained you or who have been polite to you, should arrive in your +own city, you should immediately call and leave cards for them. In that +case, should you even not be acquainted with their host and hostess, it +would be civil to leave cards also for them. + +After a wedding, if invited to the reception, you must personally leave +cards at the house where the reception has been given for your host and +hostess, and also for the young couple when they return from their +bridal trip. Two cards at each place will be sufficient in this case. +When invited to the church only, leave or send cards to the bride's +parents and the young couple. As the card to the church only, is rather +an equivocal compliment, mailing cards in this case could be excused. +Leave personally cards for the patroness who has asked you to a +subscription ball, within a week after the invitation. In cases of +death, leave cards within a fortnight. In answer to letters of +condolence, it is best to send your cards with the words "Thank you for +your kind sympathy" written thereon. For mourning, use the same size or +style of card, but with a narrow or deep border as befits the nearness +of degree of relationship with the deceased. The deepest border +permissible is about a quarter of an inch. + +It is bad form to bend cards or to turn down the corners thereof. These +signs mean nothing now in good society. In calling--it may be repeated +here--you ask, if there are more than one of the fair sex in the house, +for "the ladies," and hand the servant the number of cards necessary. He +takes them on a silver salver and leaves them in the hall, goes before +you, and announces you. Your card is never taken to the lady of the +house, unless it is a business call. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +THE DINER-OUT. + + +When I speak of the "diner-out," I include under this title the bachelor +guest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. The +formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first meal in a +household is purely a family affair. However, luncheons on Sunday at one +or two o'clock are in New York frequently called breakfasts, because I +believe many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroad +that even once a week they dine in the middle of the day. The luncheon +after a day wedding ceremony is also called a breakfast, but this, like +the Sunday meal, is simply a title by courtesy. + +_Luncheons_, where men are guests, are popular entertainments at all the +large summer resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar Harbor, as well +as at the more celebrated of the Western and Pacific watering places +and the winter cities of the South. In New York and other great +centers, where there exists a number of gentlemen of leisure, these +entertainments are greatly in vogue, and in Washington they sometimes +assume the color of diplomatic functions. + +The hour for a luncheon is half past one o'clock, and sometimes it is +advanced to two. All guests are expected to be punctual to the minute +and to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour latitude is bad +form. Better a little too early than too late. However, do not make +yourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon. Bear in mind +that the reputation of being the "late Mr. Smith" is not enviable. A +tardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance. This rule applies +to dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest, +with only one exception--dances, where you have an hour's grace. + +Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. Men have attended them in +lounge suits, but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear in +afternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks are left in the hall. Your +gloves are removed in the drawing room. When luncheon is announced, +unless it is a very formal affair, your hostess leads the way to the +dining room, and she is followed by her guests, women and men, not in +procession. The men, of course, must allow the fairer sex to pass before +them through the drawing-room door and into the dining room. Luncheon +_menus_ consist of oysters, clams, or grape fruit with crushed ice and +saturated with maraschino for the first course. This is followed by +bouillon, an _entree_, a roast or chops with peas, or broiled chicken, +salad with birds, ices and fruits, coffee and _liqueurs_. Sherry and +claret are the wines, and sometimes champagne is served. + +A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and the men are left to smoke at +dessert. However, sometimes this formality is waived. + +_Dinner_ invitations are sent out at least a fortnight in advance. In +the New York season sometimes they are issued a full month before the +event. They must, under all circumstances, be answered within +twenty-four hours, and cards left on your prospective host and hostess +within a week. + +The fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and eight +o'clock. Dinners being formal evening functions, formal evening dress is +essential. + +Except at very small houses and apartments, two rooms are reserved--one +for the men and the other for the ladies--as dressing rooms. Your hat, +coat, and outdoor attire are removed, and a servant will assist you in +arranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of feeing these attendants, +even at private houses, has been somewhat in vogue in a very "smart" and +wealthy set in New York. It is not good form, and I would advise you +against it. + +The servant who announces you, hands you a small envelope on which is +written your name. This incloses a card on which is the name of the lady +whom you are to take in to dinner. After exchanging greetings with your +hostess and removing your gloves, you should endeavor to find your +partner and engage in some preliminary conversation. Should you not have +been presented to her, inform your hostess of this fact, and you will be +at once introduced. Dinner is announced by the butler entering the +drawing room and saying, "Dinner is served." The host leads the way with +the woman guest of honor, and you are assigned your place in the +procession by the hostess, who comes last with the man guest of honor. +Each man offers his right arm to his fair partner. In the dining room, +cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribed +thereon. Even should there be a retinue of servants, pull back the +chair of your partner and assist her to seat herself. In some +old-fashioned houses grace is said, and it is always the rule when a +clergyman is one of the guests. This blessing is asked after the company +is seated. + +During dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and entertainment +of the woman whom you have taken in. She must be your first care, +although there may be some one on your other side, or opposite, who is +more congenial to you. Talking across the table is very bad form. Let +your conversation be pleasant and general, but avoid politics, religion, +and personal criticisms. + +There is no form for refusing wine, if it is against your scruples to +drink it. Do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host by +making any demonstration, such as putting your finger over the glass or +shaking your head at the butler. Let him fill your glasses, but do not +drink the contents. The question of waste is not to be considered; and +if you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence, in +your heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will do +no harm. + +The hostess gives the signal at dessert for the ladies to retire to the +drawing room. Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in solemn +procession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A prettier +custom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of the +ladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way. When +the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to the +dining room, where coffee, _liqueurs_, and cigars are served. At the end +of a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half hour of +conversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the guests +make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. On bidding +good-night, always assure your hostess of the pleasant evening which you +have enjoyed. + +Progressive dinners are sometimes given, although now almost obsolete. +Small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or six at each +table. The guests change places at each course, the signal for this +being given by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies remain in their +seats. As there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each course, a +man brings his with him from his first table. + +Public dinners, except when given by certain church, debating, or +literary societies, are stag affairs. The guests assemble at the +restaurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to be held, and deposit +their hats, coats, and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A ticket +is given with the number of your rack upon it, and a small fee--usually +twenty-five cents--is expected. The guests assemble in one of the +smaller drawing rooms, and each one is handed a plan of the tables with +the location of his cover designated by his name upon it. A procession +is formed, the guests of honor and reception committee leading, to the +banquet hall. After dessert, speeches are in order. + +_Dinner dances_ are a form of entertainment where dinner is followed by +a dance, other guests coming in from other dinner parties and meeting at +one house which has been agreed upon as the place where the dance is to +take place. A short time after dinner, at each of the other houses, the +guests are conveyed therefrom in carriages, or, better yet, in stages, +to the general rendezvous. Calls are due within the week at the house +where you have dined as well as at the one at which you have danced. + +Supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners. The +occasion is a bit more informal and the _menu_ not so elaborate. The +etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on The Dance, and +suppers after the play, at restaurants and clubs, being favorite +bachelor entertainments, will be explained in that part of this book +reserved for the Bachelor as Host. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS. + + +Many of the cautions contained in this chapter will seem elementary in +their nature. But one expects in a book of this kind to see the old +familiar "don'ts," and their absence would perhaps deter from the +usefulness of The Complete Bachelor. I would, however, suggest a careful +study of that clever _brochure_, entitled Don't, which would refresh the +memory on many points not within the scope of this work. It is really +quite surprising to see how few men have perfect table manners. The +American is unfortunately too often in a hurry. He bolts his food. He is +a victim of the "quick-lunch" system. Again, a bachelor eating a +solitary meal at a club or a restaurant is apt from sheer loneliness to +try and dispose of it as rapidly as possible. Drill yourself into eating +leisurely. Persons of refinement take only small morsels at a time. One +can not be too dainty at table. To attempt to talk while your mouth is +full is another vulgarity upon which it is needless to dwell. The French +have made us the reproach that we frequently drink while our mouths are +in this condition. I fear there is some foundation for this accusation. +Wipe your mouth carefully before putting a glass to your lips. Grease +stains around the edge of a goblet or wineglass are silent but telltale +witnesses of careless habits. + +The napkin is an embarrassing article to many men. Its place is on the +lap and not tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned around the neck. +When one arises from the table, the napkin is thrown carelessly on it, +unfolded. The days of napkin rings are over. + +Nervous and bashful persons fidget, they do not sit squarely or firmly +at table, their chairs are crooked, they play or gesticulate with their +knives and forks, or they beat dismal tattoos with them against their +plates. These same timid minds find vent for inspiration in the crumbs +of the bread, of which they involuntarily make little figures or small +round balls. The economist, another person on the list, plasters his +food, taking a bit of potato, a little tomato, and a good-sized square +of meat as a foundation, and spreading these tidbits one on the other, +prepares of them a delectable poultice which he swallows at a mouthful. +I pass over the man who leaves traces of each meal on his shirt or his +clothes. Such a being, I have no doubt, would convey food to his mouth +with his knife, would blow on his soup, tea, or coffee with the idea of +cooling it, or would pour the two latter cheering fluids into a saucer +and drink them therefrom. + +The caution to keep one's hands above the cloth and one's elbows out of +reach of others, also falls under the head of kindergarten +classification. The ridiculous idea prevailing that one must not eat +until others are served has passed away with many old-time fallacies. +One commences to eat as soon as served. You need not proceed very +actively, but you can take up your fork or spoon, as the case may be, +and make at least a feint at it. + +Toasts have also fallen into "desuetude" at private dinners. Sometimes +you will find an old-fashioned host who will, on touching his glass with +his lips, bow to his guests, and they may wait for this signal to sip +their wine, but the custom is utterly obsolete in large cities and at +formal dinners. + +When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork side by side +on your plate, the prongs of the fork upward. Do not cross them. No +whistlike signals are needed to-day to signify that you have had +sufficient to eat. + +Dinners are generally served _a la Russe_--that is, from the sideboard, +and the dishes are passed around by the servants on silver trays. Very +large _plats_, such as roasts and fish, are sometimes carried without +the trays. On all occasions of ceremony the men servants are gloved. + +Carving at table is but little seen except at very informal dinners and +in the country, where sometimes the master of the house shows off this +old-fashioned accomplishment, especially if he has a dining room in +colonial style and wishes to have everything in keeping. + +The question of second helpings is therefore not one of moment. The +servants pass the viands twice or more around. If a host or hostess +serves at table, he or she will ask the guests whether they would like a +second helping. It is never demanded. Except when absolutely necessary +the handkerchief should be kept out of sight. It can be used in case +there should be some sudden irritation of the skin, but to blow one's +nose at table is disgusting. + +The American bachelor takes usually a very light first meal. It consists +of tea, coffee, or cocoa, toast, eggs, oatmeal, and fruit. There are yet +a few men who go in for the old-fashioned hearty breakfast with +beefsteak, buckwheat cakes, and trimmings, but in cities the lighter +meal is preferable. All this is, of course, more a matter of environment +and hygiene than etiquette. I have compiled a list of certain viands, +which society does require should be eaten at a special meal and in only +one manner. With this catalogue I will close this chapter. + + +BREAKFAST AND LUNCHEON DISHES. + +_Eggs._--It is much better form to have egg cups than egg glasses for +boiled eggs. Cut the top of the egg off with a dexterous blow of a sharp +knife and eat it in the shell with a small egg spoon. + +_Sugar._--Lump sugar if served is always taken with the sugar tongs. + +_Butter._--Butter is only served at breakfast or luncheon. It is passed +around in a silver dish, with a little silver pick with which to spear +it. Butter plates--i. e., the small round silver or china affairs--have +given place to bread and butter plates, which are of china and are +somewhat larger than an ordinary saucer. The butter plate of a few years +ago was never seen outside of America, and is now destined to vanish +from our tables. It is needless to add that butter is never served at +dinner. + +_Radishes._--Radishes appear at luncheon. Put them on your bread and +butter plate and eat them with a little salt. + +_Cantaloupes_ are served cut in half and filled with ice. They are eaten +as a first course, a fork being better to eat them with than a spoon. +Salt is the condiment to use with them, but sugar is allowable. In +southern climates they are sometimes served at dinner as a separate +course between the fish and roast. This is a Creole custom. + +_Grape fruit_ is served as a first course (_vide_ chapter Diner-Out) at +a late breakfast or luncheon. It is eaten with a spoon. + + +DINNER. + +The _menu_ of to-day is simple. It consists of oysters or clams, +according to season, soup, fish, _entree_, roast and vegetables, game +and salad, ices and dessert. Sorbets or frozen punches are not served, +except at public banquets and hotel _table-d'hotes_. + +_Oysters_ or _clams_ are placed on the table in plates for the purpose +before dinner is announced. They are imbedded in ice and arranged around +a half-sliced lemon, which is in the middle of the plate. Oysters or +clams are eaten with a fork only. Gourmets say that they should not even +be cut with it, and should be swallowed whole. I would not advise any +one to try this with large oysters. The oyster fork is the first in the +number of the implements placed beside your plate. Condiments, such as +pepper and salt, will be passed you. Sauterne is served with oysters. + +_Oyster cocktails_ have been in vogue in place of oysters. These are a +mixture of the bivalve with Tabasco sauce and vinegar, and they are said +to be excellent appetizers. They are eaten with a small fork from +cocktail glasses. Bachelors frequently serve them in place of oysters. + +_Soup_.--At large and formal dinners a clear soup is in vogue. Your soup +spoon will be on the knife side of your plate. Soup is eaten from the +side and not from the end of the spoon. The motion of the hand guiding +the spoon is toward and not from you. Take soup in small spoonfuls, and +use your napkin in wiping your mouth and mustache after each, especially +if the soup is thick or a _puree_. This will avoid the dripping of that +liquid from your upper lip. Never after this operation throw your napkin +back into your lap with the greasy side toward your clothes, but use the +inside of it for this purpose. + +_Fish_ is eaten with a silver fish fork. Chasing morsels of fish around +your plate with bits of bread is obsolete. Silver fish knives have been +put in use, but they are not generally the vogue. + +_Cucumbers_ are served with fish on the same plate. Little plates or +saucers for cucumbers, vegetables, or salads are bad form. + +_Sherry_ is served with fish. + +_Celery_, _olives_, and _salted almonds_ are placed on the table in +small dishes. Sometimes the guests are asked to help themselves, but at +formal dinners they are passed around after the fish. Celery is eaten +with the fingers and dipped in a little salt placed on the tablecloth or +on the edge of your plate. It is also served as an _entree_ raw, the +stalks stuffed with Parmesan cheese. It should then be eaten with a +fork. + +_Entrees_ require a fork only. Among these are patties, _rissoles_, +_croquettes_, and sweetbreads. + +_Mushrooms_ are eaten with a fork, and served as a separate course in +lieu of an _entree_. + +_Terrapin_ is served sometimes in little silver saucepans either as an +_entree_ or as fish, and again in a chafing dish, and sometimes with +salad. It is more of a supper than a dinner plat, and should be eaten +with a fork. + +_Asparagus_ is eaten, except in the intimate privacy of your own family +circle, with a fork. Cut the points off with the end of the prongs. The +stalk or white part is not eaten. It is allowable to eat it with your +fingers, as I have said, in private. It is served after the roast as a +special course. One can not drink _champagne_ with _asparagus_ except at +the risk of a severe headache. + +_Artichokes_ are served as a separate course after the roast. They +should be placed in the center of your plate and the inside tips of the +leaves alone eaten. The leaves are removed with the fingers and dipped +in salt, _sauce vinaigrette_, or melted butter. The center of the +artichoke is called the heart. The hairy part is removed with the fork, +and the heart itself, which is deliciously tender, is conveyed to the +mouth with the fork. + +_Champagne_ is served in small tumblers or claret glasses. The champagne +stem glasses are out of fashion. The _dry_ may be served from the fish +to the close of dinner, but the old rule was to give it with the roast, +_claret_ with the _entree_, and _Burgundy_ with the game. + +_Salad_ is eaten with a fork only. In cutting _game_ or _poultry_, the +bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers, but +the meat cut close off. It is better to sever the wing at the joint. + +_Savories_, a species of salt fish and cheese sandwich, is served in +England hot, about the end of dinner. They should be eaten with a fork. +Undressed salad is sometimes served with them, or radishes, butter, and +cheese. This is the only occasion when one sees butter on a dinner +table, and this at informal dinners. The salad undressed can be eaten +with the fingers. At bachelor dinners and at luncheons _cheese_ is +served with salad. The French soft cheeses are the favorites. + +_Pastry_, _ices_, and _desserts_ are eaten with a fork. + +_Fruit_, such as peaches, pears, and apples, are served frequently +already pared. When this is the case, finger bowls are dispensed with, +but as yet this is not a general rule. Usually at dessert there is +placed before you a finger glass and doily and a dessert plate, with the +dessert knife and fork on either side. Remove the glass and doily; put +it in front of your plate a little to the right. _Fruit_ must be pared +or peeled with a silver knife. + +_Strawberries_ are now served with the stems on, and sugar and cream are +passed around and are taken on your dessert plate. + +_Pineapples_ are eaten with a fork. A cracker is used for nuts, and +silver picks are brought in with the dessert. + +_Corn_ on the cob is a favorite at small informal dinners as a separate +course. In polite society you must remove the grains of the corn with +your fork or your knife and fork, and never eat it off the cob holding +the end with your fingers. By holding one end with your napkin, you can +plow down the furrow of the grains with your fork, and you will find +that they will fall off easily. _Corn_ is always served, when given in +this style, on a white napkin. You help yourself to the ear with your +fingers. + +_Macaroni_ and _spaghetti_ should only be eaten with a fork. In New +Orleans boiled _shrimps_ are often served at small dinners. The skins +and heads are on, and you remove these with your fingers. After this +course finger bowls with orange leaves are passed around, and the +perfume of the water will remove the odor of fish from your fingers. + +_Black coffee_ is served after dinner. Milk or cream does not accompany +it, except in the country, where sometimes a little silver pitcher of +cream is placed on the tray. Coffee is drunk from small cups. Coffee and +milk are never served during dinner, nor again is iced milk. These are +barbarisms. Chartreuse, kuemmel, curacoa, and cognac are the _liqueurs_ +usually served after dinner. + +_Claret_, in many French families, especially those of the middle class, +is placed on the table in decanters. You are expected to help yourself. +There are also _carafons_ or decanters of water to mix with the wine. +The claret decanters are called _carafes_. Claret is drunk at the twelve +o'clock _dejeuner_ as well as at dinner. + +_Tea_ is passed around in old-fashioned English houses about an hour +after dinner. In some places buttered muffins accompany it, but this +extra refreshment is only seen now in very old-fashioned houses. + +_Scotch whisky_ and hot water or mineral waters are served in country +houses before bedtime. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST. + +LUNCHEONS, DINNERS, THEATER PARTIES, CLUB AND RESTAURANT SUPPERS, +AND OTHER BACHELOR ENTERTAINMENTS. + + +The bachelor who entertains is a most popular member of society. It does +not cost a fortune to return in some manner the civilities once +received, and every man, even if his income be limited, can once in a +while entertain, even if it be on a very small scale and in a very +modest way. Bachelor functions are always enjoyable. For a host of +moderate income, I would suggest a luncheon, a dinner, or a party to the +play, followed by a little supper. + +A bachelor luncheon can be given either at the host's apartments or +chambers, at a restaurant, or in the ladies' annex of his club, if that +organization possesses such an institution. + +At all entertainments given under a bachelor's vine and fig tree, +extreme simplicity should be a characteristic. The table linen should be +of the finest damask, or the best material his income will allow; the +glass perfectly plain, clear crystal, the china of a rich but quiet +pattern, the silver good but absolutely without ornamental devices of +any kind. In fact, the silver can be limited to forks and spoons, and +the rest Sheffield or prince's plate. Silver is not expensive, but plate +is considered quite smart, and it has the advantage of being utterly +valueless from the burglar's point of view. + +Individual salt and pepper affairs, cut or colored glass, or the hundred +and one knick-knacks which one sees advertised and which eventually find +their way to the boarding-house table, are vulgar. + +Before your cloth is laid you should have a cover of felt placed over +the table, so as to form a shield between it and the damask or linen. In +the center goes a silver or plated fernery, filled with ferns and +asparagus vines, on a mirror tray, or an _epergne_ with fruit. Two +heavy, old-fashioned decanters in Queen Anne coasters should be placed, +one at your right and the other at the right of your _vis-a-vis_. These +contain sherry and claret. Four plain silver, plated, or china dishes +are at the corners with salted almonds, olives, _bonbons_, and fancy +cakes. If you wish to be very effective and have the money to spare, it +is smart at a dinner to have silver candlesticks with candles or tiny +lamps gleaming behind red or pink shades at each cover. Two or three +forks are laid at the left of each plate. If more are required, your +servant will replace them. On the right of the plate are the knives, +including one for the roast, with the tablespoon for the soup, if it is +a dinner, and the oyster fork. The napkins should be plain and flat, and +contain a roll of bread. These hints for arranging the table will do for +either luncheon or dinner. Not one of the articles is in itself +expensive, and you may possess them all with the accumulation of years. +If not, a simpler arrangement could be effected, or you could give the +entertainment at a restaurant instead of your rooms or house. The +invitations can be either verbal or written, but at best a luncheon or +dinner in a bachelor's apartments is regarded as a little frolic, and +you must try to preserve the spirit and waive the formalities. + +A chaperon, of course, is necessary. The party can be limited to about +eight. If you have a manservant he should be dressed in black coat and +trousers, white shirt, standing collar and tie, and liveried waistcoat. +His duties are to open the door and to serve the luncheon. But a +manservant is not necessary. Some of the smartest bachelors in New York +give delightful little dinners and luncheons at their apartments, at +which the maid who has cooked the meal, dressed in white apron and black +gown, also serves it. + +The _menu_ should be the usual one expected at luncheons, but champagne +is never offered by a man to women in his apartments, unless at dinner +or a theater supper. If a wealthy bachelor has a large house, and +instead of one there are a number of matrons chaperoning, the case is +different. Manhattan or Martini cocktails could be passed around before +luncheon, or some little peculiar dish be served to give a zest to the +occasion. + +_A bachelor's dinner_ at his house or apartments is a more formal +entertainment, but it differs in nowise from a regular function of that +character. The chaperon takes the place of the lady of the house for +that occasion. Dressing rooms are arranged for the men and women, and +the same ceremonies observed as at any formal dinner. If the affair is +given in apartments, of course the character must be more or less +informal, as the accommodations are limited. Should you have a man serve +at your dinner, he must be in evening dress. Both at dinner and at +luncheon he must have gloves, but this is not required of a maid. + +A bachelor's supper in his own apartments is sometimes given after the +play. Of the _menu_, I will speak a little farther on. A chafing-dish +supper is, however, an unique and enjoyable entertainment. Several +chafing dishes should be ready, so that each course can follow without +delay. Terrapin, truffled eggs, curried oysters, and other dainties of +this kind comprise usually the _menu_. It would be well to serve first +oysters on the half shell, followed by lobster _a la Newburg_, the +latter being the first _plat_ cooked with the chafing dish. Champagne is +a good wine, and allowable for a chafing-dish supper; but if Welsh +rarebits are the _chef d'oeuvre_, then beer or ale would be better. + +_A theater party_ should be confined to eight or ten. A _parti +carre_--four people--is delightful. Unmarried women do not go to +theaters or restaurants with a man alone. They must be chaperoned, even +at a matinee or a luncheon party at a hotel or restaurant--in fact, an +unmarried couple is seldom seen at public places in New York, unless +they are engaged, and married women are as much compromised as unmarried +ones by indifference to this absolute rule of etiquette. + +The invitations can be either verbal or written. In the season it is +better to write them, to insure the acceptance of guests. Be careful in +the wording to give not only the evening, but the name of the play and +the theater. For a party, always secure end seats, and there will be no +disturbing of others in case you might be a little late. A box is +necessary at the circus or at a music hall, but orchestra seats or +stalls are the best selection for a bachelor's party. Many mothers +object to their daughters being seen at the theater in a proscenium box. + +The rendezvous or meeting place should be at the chaperon's. The +vestibule of the theater is awkward, except for parties of four. A stage +is the best vehicle to convey your guests to the playhouse. At the +theater the host sees that his guests are provided with playbills. He +gives the tickets to the usher, and precedes the party down the aisle. +He indicates the order of sitting. A man should go in first, followed by +the woman with whom he is to sit, and then, thus sandwiched, the rest +of the party file in, the host taking the aisle or end seat. The host +sits next to the chaperon. Gentlemen do not go out between the acts at +the theater, but sometimes, when there is a party to the opera, they can +leave their seats if other men come to visit the ladies. A man going in +or out a theater aisle should do so with his face toward the stage and +his back to the seat. A host never leaves his guests. After the play go +a little ahead and give your carriage check to the porter as soon as +possible, so that there may not be a long wait. The porter expects a +small fee. All theater parties are followed by a supper given either at +a restaurant, at the club, in the ladies' annex, or at your bachelor +apartments. + +All luncheons, dinners, or suppers at a restaurant, unless organized on +the spur of the moment, are ordered beforehand, and everything, +including the waiter's tip, arranged and settled for. If you have not an +account at the restaurant, pay the bill at the time you order the _menu_ +and reserve the table. Flowers should be included, and a centerpiece of +roses, which are so arranged as to come apart and be distributed in +bunches to each of your fair guests, is one of the favorite devices. +Small _boutonnieres_ are provided for the men. The public restaurant or +dining room is the place for a bachelor supper when ladies are guests. A +private room is not proper, and your guests want to see and be seen. The +chaperon is seated at the right hand of the host, unless the party is +given in honor of a particular woman, in which case she has that place. +The chaperon is then at your left. Wraps and coats are taken off in the +hall of the restaurant and checked. There is no order of entry, except +that the host should precede and the others follow. + +The usual _menu_ for a theater supper is: + +I. Clams or oysters on the half shell. + +II. Bouillon in cups. + +III. Chicken _croquettes_ or sweetbreads with peas, or lobster _a la +Newburg_. + +IV. Terrapin or birds with salad. + +V. Ices, cakes, _cafe noir_, _bonbons_. + +VI. _Liqueurs_. + +With the oysters or clams white wine is served. Champagne follows the +bouillon until the end of the supper. + +After supper the party usually returns to the residence of the chaperon, +where the unmarried women have their maids and family escorts awaiting +them. The host accompanies them to the chaperon's house, but the other +men take leave at the restaurant. The chaperon may have it arranged to +have dancing at her house, in which case the party return with her after +supper. + +_A supper in the ladies' annex_ in nowise differs from this, except that +you do not tip the waiter or pay the bill, but have it charged in your +monthly account. + +The _menu_ for a supper at your own apartments follows the same lines as +those already given. + +_Theater clubs_ are associations of women and men, all subscribing, +meeting at the houses of different members, one of whom gives the +supper. + +_Bachelors' dances_ or _balls_ are given at a large hall by a number of +unmarried men, who subscribe a certain amount each. A number of +well-known matrons are asked to receive the guests, and a cotillon +usually follows the supper. + +_Impromptu lunches_, _dinners_, or _suppers_ at restaurants sometimes +require the immediate settlement of the account. Be careful to draw from +your pocketbook a bill of large denomination, and not a handful of +change. Do not con over or dispute the items. If you have an account, +simply sign the check. If not, it is best to give the waiter his tip and +go to the desk and pay while the members of your party are getting their +wraps. + +_Dinners at restaurants_ are frequently given by bachelors, and are +followed by a visit to the theater. The rendezvous is either at the +house of the chaperon or at the restaurant itself, should the party be +limited in number. + +The _menu_ varies according to the season. Six courses, including raw +oysters or clams, soup, fish, _entree_, roast and vegetables, birds and +salad, ices and dessert, are sufficient. The form and manner of +entertaining at a dinner of this kind are similar to those observed at +suppers. + +To a man who frequently entertains, and at a particular restaurant, an +occasional tip to the head waiter would be of service. This is a word to +the wise. + +_Card parties_ for the playing of whist, domino, or poker are often +given by bachelors at their apartments or residences. In apartments this +class of entertainment is only for men. Women should not go to +bachelors' apartments except for luncheon, dinner, or supper. In a +bachelor's house, however, any entertainment can be given. Small stakes +are played for and the usual supper follows. The _farewell bachelor +dinner_ will have its proper place in the chapter on Wedding Etiquette. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +THE COUNTRY HOUSE. + +THE BACHELOR AS HOST.--THE BACHELOR AS GUEST. + + +Bachelors, whose incomes are of all sizes and conditions, can have some +kind of a country house. It may be a fishing lodge, a hunting box, +maintained by three or four men clubbing together; a small cottage +plainly and simply furnished at the seashore, near golf links, or in a +good neighborhood; or again a large establishment, a villa at Newport or +in a fashionable colony with a retinue of servants and a stable filled +with horses. Whichever it might be, open hospitality, as much as it is +in your power, should prevail. However, never attempt anything more than +you can accomplish, and by all means do not run into debt. To a fishing +or hunting lodge men only should be invited. It should be furnished with +the mere necessaries, and hung with fishing and hunting prints and +trophies of the chase. The hall serves as sitting and even mess room. A +man of all work or an old married couple are the best servants. Ample +supplies are sent from town, but the leading idea is roughing it, and +the table is partially supplied by the game and fish brought back by you +and your friends. When the term of the visit of your guests expires, +each should be able to bring home a basket of fish or some game. From +time to time send to any of your hostesses of the winter something from +your preserves. These attentions are much appreciated. + +A truck farm or a small country place near town, which may have either +fallen to you by inheritance or which you may have purchased, or which +you have for kennels or for your horses, can also be used for +entertaining. Even in the largest of these houses the plan of furnishing +is substantially the same. There should be a masculine note throughout +the entire scheme. The furniture should be old-fashioned, and the +pictures sporting and hunting prints and steel engravings. There should +be an air of homeliness and open hospitality about the place. It should +look as if it were verily Liberty Hall. + +A tract of unprofitable land could be converted into golf links and a +tennis court laid out. A picnic is the popular form in which bachelors +who have such a possession may entertain. Some fifty to one hundred +people can be invited, and a special train or boat, if the place is too +far from the city for a drive, chartered for their accommodation. The +invitations should state the hour at which this train or boat would +leave the city. Stages await the guests at the country station and bring +them up to the house. Cocktails, drinkables, claret cup, tea, and +sandwiches are served on their arrival. There should be no fixed +programme of amusement. Luncheon, or luncheon and dinner both, according +to the length of stay, could be served, and the _menu_ should embrace a +few courses of country fare. Dancing in the barn during the afternoon +will be another form of entertainment, or if you wish to give an +elaborate entertainment, vaudeville performers might be hired for the +hour after luncheon. + +In a large establishment the bachelor who entertains usually has +residing with him a sister or female relative who acts as hostess. One +of the delights of a wealthy bachelor is to have a large and +well-appointed stable with a number of traps which are at the +disposition of his guests. + +A bachelor host always drives to the station or boat to meet his guests. +A drag, three-seated surrey, or a station van would be the smart +vehicle. I am now writing of a man of large means. The method of +entertaining should be the English one, without any fixed programme for +the days of the guests' stay. Only when there is shooting, the party is +expected to assemble in the morning. If there is a local club, your men +guests should be put up at it, and the entire party made visiting +members of the neighboring casino. The rest is conveyed in the advice to +have always plenty of good cheer and to entertain the visitors as much +as possible. In these houses there is much drinking, possibly, and +perhaps cards, but a young man who is a guest should be firm enough to +resist temptation, and to stand by his convictions. + +One word more, and this applies to many country houses, if not all of +them. See that your guests' bedrooms are provided with soap, hair and +clothes' brushes, and toilet articles. The desk should be filled with +letter paper and envelopes, and if you want to appear very fashionable, +the stationery should have the name of your place in blue or red +letters at the top or in the right-hand corner of the first sheet. Many +convivial souls place on a side table in each room mineral water, +cigarettes, cigars, and the inevitable decanter. + +When you are a guest you are met at the station by one of your host's +traps. Do not be surprised, however, if you do not find this +accommodation. It is considered very English, I know not why, to allow +bachelors to reach a country house by the best means they can find at +the station or landing. You are received by your host, and after +refreshment are shown to your room. If you arrive late in the afternoon +you do not see your hostess, but dress for dinner and find her in the +drawing room when you go downstairs. You are expected to conform to the +rules of the house as to the hours for meals, and to place yourself at +the service of your hostess. You must certainly appear at any function +which has been arranged for you, and it is very impolite to accept, +during your stay, any outside invitation to any affair to which your +host and hostess have not also been asked. If you have a valet you may +bring him with you, but you must certainly notify your host of this +intention. Few houses in this country have the accommodations necessary +for outside servants. + +Tipping is demoralizing, but it is an accepted custom. On your departure +after a short stay, at Newport or a very fashionable resort, the servant +who attends you should have five dollars, the butler five dollars, the +coachman five dollars, and the chambermaid two dollars. At smaller +places five dollars altogether, judiciously distributed, is ample, or a +dollar each to three of the servants. + +The first-mentioned amounts can be placed in envelopes and given to the +servant attending you for the others. All this is a question of +resources, and there are many men who avoid invitations to the large +country houses in the East and North because they can not afford the +tips. In England, when one is invited to the shooting, one tips the +gamekeeper one to five pounds, according to the extent of the bag and +duration of visit. + +The usual method of inviting men in this country for a short stay is +from Friday or Saturday until Monday. It has often been a puzzle to them +as to what they should take in their bag or how much luggage they should +carry. At most not more than a good-sized bag or valise and perhaps a +hatbox. For an evening's stay a dress-suit case is sufficient. In your +valise must be placed your evening clothes, and if the party is to be +somewhat of an informal one, I would also take my dinner jacket. If you +are going to a very fashionable resort, a black frock coat, waistcoat, +and fancy trousers would not be amiss, but in that case you would have +also to take a hatbox for your top hat. Of recent years men in the +country have been consulting their comfort more than absolute accuracy +in the details of dress. Even at garden parties, at church, and at +afternoon teas during the month of August at Newport, which is, after +all, only the fashionable metropolis transported to another locality for +the summer, you seldom see a frock coat or a top hat. Unless you are +sure that there will be an occasion where these would be positively +required, I would not take them, especially on so short a visit. The +linen to be brought should consist of a dress shirt for each evening and +a colored shirt for each morning, half a dozen handkerchiefs, two +complete changes of underclothes, three pairs of ordinary and two pairs +of black silk hose, and a pair of pyjamas. Take three of your ties for +day wear and four white lawn for evening, and one black in case you are +to use your dinner jacket. Slippers for the bedroom and pumps for +evening wear should complete the clothing carried, unless you take your +frock coat, when you would have to bring patent leather boots to wear +with afternoon dress. I have given rather a liberal allowance of +articles for a short stay, but one must be prepared for accidents or +emergencies. It is better to take an extra shirt, or a change of +underclothes, or a few more ties than one could ordinarily use, so that +some _contretemps_ would not cause great annoyance and inconvenience. In +the absence of a dressing case, care must be taken of the articles for +the toilet. The tooth, nail, and shaving brushes, the sponges and +washrags, should be packed in little waterproof silk bags, which can be +obtained at a small price at any chemist's. Your host or hostess should +provide you with soap, but I would not take the risk. I should bring my +own in a little metal soapbox or well wrapped in thick paper. Your +shaving articles, a shoehorn, button hook, nail file, small pair of nail +scissors, tooth powder, or listerine should not be forgotten. The large +articles, your combs and your brushes, can all be wrapped separately in +tissue paper. It would be gallant of you to bring a box of sweets for +your hostess. + +If you are asked to play golf, it might be more convenient to travel in +your golf togs, which would serve as a lounge suit. But in that case a +pair of long trousers to match your coat and waistcoat, or an entire +lounge suit should be carried, as on Sunday you would be very +uncomfortable in golf dress, and somewhat out of place. Or you might put +your "knickers" in the bag, and wear the coat and waistcoat with long +trousers. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS. + + +As soon as a bachelor begins to branch out a little and to have an +apartment or a house or a country establishment, though the latter be +only a fishing or a hunting box, he must hire servants. The general +servant is perhaps the one most universally employed. Many bachelors +hire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking, but takes +care of the apartment, valets him, and waits at table when he has guests +to dinner. Others employ a man to look after them, who is valet and +general _factotum_, and others again, with larger establishments, a man +and wife. The former does the valeting, the waiting, and is steward and +butler, while the woman attends to the cooking and laundry. There are +quite a number of bachelor households of this description in our large +cities, the occupants being several in number and clubbing together. One +is appointed treasurer, and the butler and cook are hired at a stated +price and receive a certain sum for catering. When good servants of this +kind are found they are treasures. + +All menservants should be clean shaven. A short bit of side whiskers--_a +la_ mutton chop--is allowed; but under no circumstances should they have +bearded faces or wear a mustache. Their linen and attire should be +faultless. In the treatment of servants a man must exercise an iron +will. He can be kind and considerate, but he must never descend to +dispute with one, and certainly not swear at him. To be on familiar +terms with one's servants shows the cloven foot of vulgarity. Discharge +a servant at once when he is disrespectful or when he is careless in his +duties or in his conduct. When asking for anything there is no necessity +of forgetting the elements of true politeness, nor is it a blot on your +deportment to utter a civil "thank you" for a service performed. All +servants should address you as "Sir," and when called should reply "Yes, +sir," and certainly not "All right." Your menservants touch their hats +to you on receiving orders in the open, on being addressed, and upon +your appearance. Encourage your servants now and then by a kind word, +and see that they have good and wholesome food, clean and comfortable +quarters. Once in a while give them a holiday, or an evening off, a cash +remembrance at Christmas, and from time to time some part of your +wardrobe or cast-off clothing. They are just like children, and must be +treated with the rigor and mild discipline which a schoolmaster uses +toward his pupils. In all their movements they should be noiseless and +as automatic as possible in their actions. + +And now for particular servants hired by a bachelor: + +The _groom_ is, with the exception of the general servant, the first +domestic likely to be in the employ of an unmarried man of moderate +means. When a bachelor becomes a horse owner he can never be too +particular about his turnouts and his liveries. The groom in the city or +at a fashionable watering place should have two liveries--one for dress +occasions and the other for what is known as a "stable suit." The +latter, which is a simple English tweed or whipcord, made with a cutaway +coat of the same material, will answer perfectly well for the country, +where it is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries. A square brown Derby +is worn with this suit, brown English driving gloves, and a white +plastron or coachman's scarf. This flat scarf is the badge of +distinction between the house and stable servant. No tie pin nor +trinkets of any description should be allowed servants. The best dress +livery is a frock coat, single-breasted, of kersey, the color of your +livery; white buckskin riding breeches, top boots, top hat, white +plastron, standing collar, and brown driving gloves. One distinctive +color should be used, not only for your liveries but also for your +traps, as well as one kind of harness. The cockade on the hat is the +privilege abroad of ambassadors; it is bad form. Besides the care of +your horse or horses, your groom must be a species of outside general +servant, ready to go on errands or attend to the numerous duties of a +manservant about a country place. By no means can he be substituted for +a valet, a butler, or an indoor servant. When he brings your trap to the +door he holds the animals' heads until you are seated, when he touches +his hat and lets go the reins. If he is to sit behind in the trap he +must hold himself upright with folded arms. He alights immediately the +trap is stopped, running all errands, and holding the horses until the +drive is resumed. He sometimes accompanies his master when the latter +rides. He brings his horse to the door and holds it until the mount. He +follows, occasionally, on another horse at a respectful distance. Should +you be wealthy enough to have also a coachman, your groom can act as +second man on the box. A coachman's dress livery consists of a +double-breasted long coachman's coat, top boots, and buckskin breeches, +white flat plastron, high collar and top hat, and brown driving gloves. +When both servants are employed the groom is under the orders of the +coachman as regards the stable work. + +_The Valet._--Of course a valet is a luxury. A man can valet himself +very easily, and if the instructions given in the chapters on the Care +of Clothes and The Toilet are followed carefully, I hardly think that +you would need such a personage. A woman can be perfectly trained to +valet a man. Your general servant can also, and is required to fill this +position. If you live at a club the club valet will attend to your +clothes, and perform the duties of a private servant. There are +"valeting companies" organized in many large cities, which take entire +charge of your wardrobe, and again there are valets who are hired by +several men clubbing together, and who are very capable servants. The +individual valet, however, is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor of +wealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, or if he goes out a great +deal in society. A valet's duties are first and principally the entire +charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, the details of which have +been given in previous chapters. They begin an hour or so before the +master rises, when clothes are to be pressed and put in order, boots and +shoes to be polished and placed on their trees, and the costume of the +day to be made ready. If possible, a small room is provided for him as +his workshop. + +At the hour for rising, the valet enters his master's room very quietly, +and, if he is awake, pulls up the shades and lets in the daylight. The +bath is then prepared, and while that is being taken the newspapers, +mail, and breakfast tray are brought in, and the valet waits for orders. +Some men require their valets to shave them, but the majority simply +intrust the care of their razors to them, preferring to perform that +operation themselves. The valet assists his master in dressing, and, +when the toilet is finished, ties or buttons the boots, arranges the +spats, and gives a final brush to the clothes. He then fetches the +stick, gloves, and hat. During the day he may be employed on errands, +in answering tradespeople, in paying bills, or in any minor occupations +of that kind. A first-class servant of this character should not only be +steward but secretary. When writing letters for his master he should +write them in the third person, and also sign them "Respectfully yours, +JOHN SMITH, _valet_." + +A valet is told of the engagements of the day, and has the clothes +arranged accordingly, and he must be at his post. In the evening the +dress suit is laid out, with choice of ties and two coats, the formal +and informal, or Tuxedo. A valet must be at the rooms when his master +retires. In traveling he takes care of the luggage, tickets, and all the +little annoying details. He travels second class abroad, and in this +country he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a drawing-room +car with his master. The valet wears no livery. He dresses quietly in a +plain sack suit of dark material, and wears a Derby hat. Should he be +required to wait on table, he dresses in semi-livery if the affair is a +luncheon, and in evening dress if it is a dinner. + +The _butler_ is a very rare functionary in a bachelor's establishment, +only the wealthiest being able to afford him. The valet or general +servant acts as butler, and when in this position he should always have +a black coat on when answering the bell. + +I have used the terms throughout this chapter of "master" and "servant." +Employer and employee are correct only when the relations between the +two persons are not of a domestic character. + +The most fashionable and efficient menservants are of English, Scotch, +or Irish birth or descent. Japanese make excellent valets. Colored +coachmen and grooms are not the vogue in New York or vicinity, but they +are seen in the South. Very wealthy bachelors have introduced a fad for +East Indian servants, but at present only a few of these have been +employed, and those at Newport. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +THE DANCE. + + +This is certainly a most important subject, and one which can not be +lightly treated. I have thought it better to use exclusively the New +York forms, which differ somewhat from the English, the French, and +continental, as well as from a certain code of etiquette prevailing in +other American cities. + +I shall therefore, as we have no State balls or ceremonials of that +character, consider public assemblages, a few of which are patronized by +society in New York and elsewhere. + +Of absolutely public balls the only one which society attends is the +Charity. In New York this has fallen somewhat in fashionable popularity, +although efforts are being made to revive it. In Chicago and in other +cities it is still a very fashionable function. It is there well +patronized and is considered smart. Tickets to the Charity are sold by +a number of lady patronesses, and you are apt to receive one or several +from some of them, if you are a rich young man, with a request to +purchase. If the note states that you are expected to be a guest you are +simply to answer it, as you would any other invitation, and certainly +not to inclose any money. Patronesses frequently are named because it is +expected that they will purchase quite a number of tickets. And here let +me give a useful hint. In sending money to this and for charitable +entertainments in general, always do it by check; never inclose bills. +If you must use cash, keep it for your small tradespeople. + +Everything may be said to have its price at a Charity Ball. Supper is +sometimes included with the ticket. The repast is usually rather poor, +but then you must remember it is for charity. Perhaps you will be asked +some time in advance by the patronesses to be one in the "grand march." +The "grand march" proper is a form of exhibition long since relegated to +balls of the "Tough Boys' Coterie" and other assemblages of the same +class. But it has survived, in place of a lancers or quadrille of honor, +at the Charity Ball, and we have either to go through with it or watch +it from the boxes with Christian patience. If you are to take part, I +would advise you to present yourself at the hall or opera house about +nine o'clock. The floor manager will do the rest. You are to offer your +left arm to the lady you are taking out, and you march around the place +in regular line, sometimes once, sometimes twice, and the agony is over. +The company assembled does not join in this ceremony, and the formation +of figures and countermarches is an affair in vogue at balls of a +different class, which I should imagine none of my readers would +patronize or even "hear tell of," except through the newspapers. + +The Inauguration Ball in Washington, as well as the New Years' +receptions at the different embassies' and secretaries' houses, are +public functions to which the populace get admittance. They are crushes +of the worst description, and at many of them refreshments are served. +Except to make an obeisance to your distinguished host and hostess--if +to the President, shaking hands with him--no other ceremony is needed. + +At Newport and at other watering places there are during the season +semipublic dances at the Casino. Any one who subscribes to that place of +amusement is entitled to all the social privileges. The tickets can be +obtained from the secretary or his agent. + +In every city there is an assembly or dancing organization on the lines +of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs in New York. This is in itself not +original with the "Four Hundred"--vulgar term!--but was copied from the +St. Cecilia, the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristocratic +Charleston, where it has existed since the days of the Revolution. The +assemblies proper in New York are called the Matriarchs. The +arrangements are in the hands of a number of fashionable women instead +of men. The plan of all these organizations is practically the same. In +order to make matters easy and to pilot my reader through the +intricacies of a fashionable ball, I will suppose that he is a stranger +in New York, with some smart friends, and that he is going either to the +Patriarchs' or to the Assembly. The rules laid down will hold good for +other cities. Your first intimation may be while visiting at the house +of one of the patrons or patronesses, when your hostess or host may ask +you if you would like to go to the Assembly or the Patriarchs'. If you +have no other engagement for that evening--and I think it would be +policy for you to make others subservient to this--you should reply +that you would be delighted to do so. Your host or hostess will then say +that he or she will send you a ticket. This may be one way, or you may +receive a note asking if you are free for that particular date, whether +"would you like to go to the Assembly?" etc., or again, you might simply +receive a note with a ticket. In any one of these cases, just as soon as +you receive the ticket you must answer your correspondent immediately, +accepting, or, if you can not go, regretting and returning it. You must +remember that all tickets are personal and each Patriarch or each +patroness has only a certain number. + +I would, if there were time between the date for the ball and the +reception of your ticket, call or leave cards personally on your hostess +or host for the evening, according to rules in a former chapter. I do +not believe this is considered necessary in New York, and perhaps some +people would think you were straining a point, but New York "society" +manners to-day are not all that could be desired. + +The evening arrives. Balls and dances are theoretically supposed to +begin at ten o'clock. You can safely go a little after eleven. You will +be early enough. Your ticket is received, your hat and coat removed, +your hat check given, and you proceed to the ballroom. + +It is almost needless for me to tell you how to dress for this occasion. +At dances of any kind, formal evening dress is required. + +On entering the room, if it is at the Assembly, you will encounter a +line of patronesses. You should make a low, sweeping bow to them and, if +convenient, speak to your hostess, be it only a few words of greeting. +If not at that time, select a later hour in the evening. No one shakes +hands. + +You look around to find your friends and acquaintances. At the +Patriarchs' the chaperons sit upon a raised platform, or dais, I might +call it, all together. Their charges, once away from them, are around +the rooms. In nearly all the cities, except New York, every guest is +provided with a dancing card, which makes the keeping of dancing +engagements a part of the festivity. New York is too large for such +things, and dancing cards have been relegated to the realms of innocuous +desuetude. However, if you are at a ball or a dance in another city +where they are used, your first duty would be to have your engagements +filled. You should remain with your partner after each dance until her +next cavalier appears. + +New Yorkers are sensible, if only for this reason, for having banished +the dance card. It is hard for a man to tell a woman he must leave her, +but I think it is better by far to do so than to appear rude to your +succeeding partner. A woman who has so little regard for you and such +selfish consideration for herself does not deserve to be handled with +gloves. And yet it needs a heroic soul to abandon her in a crowded +ballroom, even if it is to lead her back to her chaperon. + +In New York everything is simplified. There exist no such social +complications. Everybody is more or less grouped together, and you +generally know in which part of the room you are to find your friends. +You exchange greetings with the women you know, and if you wish to ask +one of them to dance, you say, "May I have the pleasure of this turn +with you?" or "Can I have a turn with you?" It is absolutely impossible +to keep dance engagements, and you are obliged, perhaps, to snatch a +dance whenever you can get it. After your turn you must always manage to +stop at about the point where you began. You will be sure to find your +partner's chaperon just at that place. There are two reasons for +this--one is that the man with whom your partner has engaged weeks, if +not months, before (one has to do this in New York) to dance the +cotillon has reserved his chairs there, and she has told many of her +friends just about in which part of the ballroom she may be found; and +another is that New York women, under all circumstances, keep a +distinctive place in a ballroom. + +A gentleman never dances without gloves. He always puts them on before +entering the ballroom. A man should dance easily and gracefully, and +look as if he were enjoying himself. He should be careful about guiding +and not running into people. Swinging the hands is vulgar and unsightly. +The waltz seems to survive all other forms of dancing, but there is +every now and then a revival of the polka. Two steps and fancy dances +are the vogue at summer hotels, but not at smart functions. + +The quadrille of to-day is the simple lancers, and some years ago it was +a silly fad to pretend not to remember the figures. A little life and +spirit are sometimes introduced in the lancers when the gathering is +small, and among intimate friends there is more or less occasion for it. +The barn dance has gone out of fashion entirely in America, but our +English cousins, especially those living in the country and in Suburbia, +are very fond of it. Balls frequently end with Sir Roger de Coverley, +the English form of the Virginia reel. + +About two o'clock supper is announced, and this is done all over the +world, I believe, by the strains of the Priests' March in Norma. So it +was in my grandfather's day, and so it is to-day and was at the very +last Patriarchs', the very last Assembly, and the very last large ball +at Newport. Engagements for supper are made in New York weeks or even +months beforehand. You should settle this with your partner, and as +supper is served at tables of parties of four or six, an agreeable +quartette or sextette can be secured. Parties are never less than four, +and a girl who sups alone with a man, even at the Patriarchs', is +considered very fast, and by such impudent behavior would lose caste. +You should arrange with your partner, therefore, to be as near the +supper-room door as possible about the supper hour. There is always a +rush and a crush, and no tables are reserved except those for the +patronesses or the Patriarchs. Two of the party should get in early and +reserve the table and wait until the rest arrive. Ball suppers are +nearly all alike. Four or five courses, which commence with oysters, +are followed by bouillon, and then terrapin and birds, and salad and +ices, fruit and coffee. Three kinds of wine are served, and champagne +forms the chief. Many matrons even will not allow their daughters to go +to supper without being chaperoned, and so when you ask your partner she +will sometimes have her parents obtain the table. Should you be asked to +the table of one of the patronesses, you will have a partner provided +for you. Remember the first engagement should always be kept, and if a +patroness should honor you with such an invitation, and you have made +prior arrangements, you should at once explain by note your position, +which will be a sufficient excuse to your would-be hostess. + +After supper the cotillon, or German, as it is sometimes called, is +danced. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +THE COTILLON. + + +At large balls, like the Patriarchs', there is hardly time for more than +two or three figures and one favor figure. It is almost useless for me +to go into the history of the cotillon, and I do not believe that it +would be of any service to my readers. We imported it from France about +the same time as the English, and it owes its origin, I believe, to +Germany. For the past thirty years it has been a favorite form of dance. +It is picturesque and amusing, and, besides, gives the opportunity for +the exchange among the dancers of pretty trifles provided by the +generosity of the host. At large semipublic balls like the Patriarchs' +(I use "semipublic" simply because given by a number and not in a +private house) the favors are very simple, but at special cotillons or +at those danced at private houses they are extremely elaborate and +costly. + +Cotillon seats are generally secured in the early part of the evening by +tying handkerchiefs to the backs of the chairs. At the Patriarchs' and +other large balls they can be secured by arrangement with one of the +stewards, as each Patriarch has so many reserved for him, and the man +invited by one of them can obtain permission and ask for two of his +host's seats. But this is not usual, and is known as a "little trick of +the trade." + +To be a successful leader of cotillons it requires the skill and the +tact of a general--I might almost say of a Napoleon Bonaparte. One's +talents should not be altogether in one's heels and one's toes. The +leader must be an excellent dancer and a firm disciplinarian. He must +see that the wall flowers have an occasional turn, and that every one +gets at least one favor. As he has to marshal a large force of people he +is bound to find among them--of course in the orthodox society manner--a +few turbulent spirits, a few who would mutiny, and who must be taught +their places in a conciliatory but positive manner. + +The cotillon in New York is generally danced after supper. It lasts +about two hours. At large balls two figures are all that can be danced, +owing to the number of guests. Sometimes it is led by two couples. A +leader frequently dances stag--that is, without a partner. All men +dancing without partners are called stags. These usually have their +place by the door and are given their turn last. The leader must +announce after supper the time for the cotillon to begin. He must see +that the partners are all in their places. The favor table is generally +placed at the end of the room opposite the doors, but this depends on +the shape and the style of the apartment. + +Formerly a cotillon leader used a whistle for the different figures; +to-day, however, he simply claps his hands to denote the changes. + +It is almost unnecessary here to illustrate the form of the cotillon. It +consists in waltzes and sometimes polkas, danced by eight, ten, or +twelve couples at a time. The couples are seated in chairs around the +room, the men without partners known as the stags being near the door. +The leader begins the first figure, which is usually the simplest one, +by "taking out" or choosing a partner and motioning the first four, six, +or eight couples with places nearest him on one or both sides of the +room to rise. All waltz. After a turn around the room the leader stops +and claps his hands. The partners all separate, and each of them goes +and chooses a new one--the man a new woman, the woman who was his +partner a new man. The figure is then arranged and danced. After the +evolution required by the figure is finished there is another short +waltz, and the dancers return to their places. The leader then calls out +the next party, and this is repeated until every one in the room has had +a turn. The stags are called out last. Having no partners to dance with, +each has the privilege of taking out two ladies--the first before the +figure is formed, and the second when the change of partners is +signalled by the leader. The leader directs the figures and dances all +the time. + +Every second figure is one for the distribution of favors. The same +procedure occurs, and when the leader claps his hands the dancers +separate, waiting for the favors to be distributed. The latest custom is +for the leader and his partner to carry around the favors, to the +couples whose turn comes next. He gives to the ladies, she to the men. +The scramble at the favor table has been abolished. The men present +their favors to the new partners whom they select, and the women do +likewise. It is very embarrassing and not good form to give your favor +to the partner with whom you are dancing the cotillon. Favors must be +sufficient in quantity not only to go once all around, but there should +be some left over, as the advent of the stags gives the ladies a double +chance to bestow favors upon men. The most graceful way of offering a +favor is to present it with a little bow. Try and locate the places +where your friends are sitting. It is certainly rude, if not +tantalizing, to search through a long row of girls dangling a favor. It +is not difficult in the figures to become well acquainted with the local +geography. Matrons are asked frequently to preside at the favor tables, +but recently some of the floral trifles are brought in arranged in a +sedan chair of flowers, at which two powdered lackeys are stationed, +like the linkboys of old. Originality, however, has not been rampant in +cotillons. Favor figures are the most popular. The woman who brings the +greatest number of favors from a cotillon scores an undoubted triumph. +She comes from the ballroom flushed and delighted, carrying with her the +trophies of her victory, which she is pleased to call her "scalps." +Social obligations are often paid off by men in this way. + +Of the few cotillon figures danced in New York society, the grand chain +is the most popular and the simplest. The number of couples called by +the leader form themselves in a ring around the room. At his signal +they face each other and dance the right and left grand chain, the men +to the right and the women to the left, until the original parties are +brought together, when all waltz. + +The _Sir Roger de Coverley figure_ is formed in lines of four abreast, +the men standing together on the inside, and the women next to their +partners on the outside of the line. When the leader signals, the women +advance quickly, one after the other, to the head of the line. The men +then join hands, forming an arch, as in Sir Roger de Coverley; the +women, passing under two by two, meeting their partners, waltz with +them. + +In the snake figure--one which is very seldom danced--quite a large +number of couples are called, who form a ring around the room. The +leader, taking the hand of one of the men, breaks the chain, and the +couples are wound around until they come together in a knot, when the +signal is given to them to waltz. The wheel figure is somewhat similar, +and is quite a romp. + +In the ring figure another evolution is borrowed from the lancers. Rings +of four couples form through the room. The men raise their arms and the +women pass through, dancing with the men in the next ring, and so on, +until they get to the top of the room, the men remaining stationary. +Then a grand march, men to the left, ladies to the right, is formed, and +the partners meet and dance. + +The Maypole and all complicated figures which require the use of toys or +_papier-mache_ articles are not in vogue in New York. In Paris these +trifles, such as vegetables and heads of animals and other gewgaws, pass +for favors, as well as to lend a variety to the cotillon. In New York +very handsome souvenirs have superseded these. + +Frequently in large cotillons in New York the blank or nonfavor figures +are danced only once without change of partners, as in the snake or +grand chain; otherwise the cotillon would be interminable. The leader +calls out a number of couples and goes through the figure at once, the +original partners dancing all the time with each other. I have given +both forms, and although the first explanation may seem to those who go +out every year antiquated, it is still the vogue for small and +consequently enjoyable cotillons. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +A BACHELOR'S LETTERS. + + +Letter writing is an art, and there is no pleasure equal to that of +receiving and reading a chatty and well-worded epistle from some dear +friend. I have some packets of letters preserved to-day that I read and +reread. They are always fresh and interesting to me. They are a complete +index to the character of the writer, and they serve, after long years +have passed, to bring up again delightful pictures of days and scenes +which were brighter. However, there is one rule a man must observe: +never keep a compromising letter--if you should receive one--especially +from a woman. Sometimes women are foolish and careless, and they allow +their pens to run away with them. They bitterly regret their folly, and +the very idea that there exists somewhere a packet of letters which +would bring serious trouble, if not ruin, upon them and those they love, +is a cause of constant grief and worry. I know that there are letters +written by one once dear, but now perhaps turned fickle or false, or +separated from us forever, from which we feel loath to part; but we must +be men and reduce to ashes what would hurt in the very least degree or +cast a reflection upon an innocent if silly woman. Suppose you were to +die suddenly, and among your papers these letters were found, with you +alone, dumb in death, perhaps, only able to vindicate the unfortunate +writer. We must think of those things. They belong to the _personnel_ +not only of a true gentleman, but they appeal to our common sense. + +Character is frequently judged by handwriting. Write a good, clear, +legible hand, without any flourishes, and always use the best and the +blackest of ink. The typewriter is employed only for business +correspondence. + +For social correspondence use only Irish-linen white note paper, +unruled, with square envelopes to match. Fancy or tinted note paper of +any kind is vulgar. If you have a permanent residence your address can +be legibly engraved in one color, usually blue or scarlet, at the head +of the first sheet. If you are a member of a club, the club note paper +is proper for all social correspondence. If you want to, use your crest +in lieu of address, but this practice is somewhat strained in this +country. Always add the date in writing. In letters, the day, the month, +and the year should be written. In notes you only put the day--for +instance, "Saturday the twenty-second." The best signature is "Sincerely +yours," and not "Yours sincerely." In England the quaint "Faithfully +yours" is used for business correspondence. Tradespeople and servants +only sign "Respectfully yours." + +In America we "esquire" all men who are our equals. A butcher, a baker, +a tailor or other person, when we order supplies, we address as "Mr." +The abbreviation "Esq." is the usual form. In England you would write to +a duke and address the letter "The Duke of Buckingham"; to a knight, +"Sir Thomas Appleby"; to an earl or a marquis, "Lord Dufferin"--that is, +supposing the letter would be a social one. + +In writing to a friend or in answer to an invitation or a note, you +would begin, "My dear Mrs. Brown," "My dear Mr. Brown," or even "My dear +Brown," but never "Dear Miss Brown," "Dear Mrs. Brown," or "Dear Brown," +unless you were on terms of great intimacy with them. But if the letter +is a strictly business one, and the term "Sir" or "Sirs" is used, then +you would be obliged to drop the possessive pronoun. A very formal or a +business letter would begin thus: + + _John Smith, Esq.,_ + _# 22 Pacific Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y._ + + _Dear Sir_: + +and not "My dear Sir." + +A business letter to a woman demands, however, the possessive "My," +thus: "My dear Madam." + +To a firm, one writes: + + _Messrs. John Smith & Co.,_ + _Dear Sirs_: + +and never "Gentlemen"--a most ridiculous form of address. + +The clergy are addressed "Reverend and dear Sir." A bishop is "Right +Reverend and dear Sir," and an archbishop "Most Reverend and dear Sir." +In this republican country all other dignitaries can be addressed as +"Dear Sir." + +Formal invitations are written in the third person, also letters +addressed to tradespeople. + +The address on a letter should be written about the middle of the +envelope, the street and number a little to the right, and the name of +the city and State in the corner. All notes or letters to people in the +same city should be directed simply with the post-office name without +the State, unless it is a very small town, or it bears a name such as +Augusta or Columbus, of which there are more than one in the United +States. Thus: + + _Mrs. John Brown,_ + _# 227 Euclid Avenue,_ + _Cleveland._ + +The stamp should be placed neatly in the right-hand corner. The mail +to-day is almost the quickest means of delivery, and a special ten-cent +stamp will insure, in a large city, a more prompt reception of your +epistle than if you intrusted it to the tender mercies of a messenger +boy. + +Your paper should fold once in the middle. There is nothing so awkward +or so apt to give a bad impression as a letter improperly folded. It is +bulky and unsightly. Private letters should always be sealed with wax, +in color dark green or red. Black is used for mourning. In sealing a +letter be careful to make a neat effect, and not to smear the wax all +over the envelope. The seal is then stamped with your monogram, or, if +you insist upon it, with your crest, but never with your coat of arms. +For the purpose of sealing letters men use their seal rings or a little +stamp which can be obtained at any silversmith's. When writing from the +club you can use the club stamp. Business letters are moistened and +gummed, a little damp sponge being used for this purpose. To moisten +envelopes with the tongue is nasty. + +Letters written on hotel or business paper should be confined to the +commercial world. Your friends and acquaintances should not receive +them. Sometimes, when writing from a very interesting place to a very +intimate friend or to relatives, hotel paper may be used, as you would +like your correspondent to see a picture of the house at which you are +stopping. + +Every gentleman should, however, carry in his portmanteau a flat +portfolio with writing materials and a traveling inkstand. + +Your personal correspondence should be a reflection of yourself. Be +pithy, bright, and witty. Give the news and innocent gossip, but beware +of making statements in letters which you can not substantiate. Above +all, think twice before you pen a harsh or an unkind word, even if a +reproof be merited. + +In business letters be brief and to the point. + +There are two kinds of letters which sometimes puzzle the +writer--letters of condolence and letters of congratulation. A letter of +condolence--as will be explained in the chapter on Funerals--is due from +you at the death of a near or dear friend to the relative or +relatives--if you feel that you know them all well enough to address +more than one epistle of sympathy--nearest and dearest to the deceased. +Usually one letter is sufficient, but sometimes it may occur that you +feel that you should also write to others. Make it as natural as +possible. Avoid all stilted phrases and studied efforts at consolation. +A few words is all that is necessary. If you have been on intimate terms +with the family wire them your sympathy, and write a week or so +afterward. + +Letters of congratulation are much easier to compose. On the occasion of +the announcement of an engagement of a friend, or in answer to his +letter announcing the happy event, or on the arrival of any good fortune +to those of whom you are fond or for whom you have a high regard, a +letter of congratulation is necessary or acceptable. All letters +announcing sad or joyous news should receive an immediate reply. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +THE BACHELOR'S CLUB. + + +Club life in America is a growth of recent years. It is now so firmly +established, and it is so popular that there is not a village or even a +settlement in the United States which has not at least its casino, or +its little coterie organized for golf, tennis, athletic, or merely +social enjoyment. All of these, from the great metropolitan clubs of the +cities down to the very humblest in the "wilds," are governed by club +laws and are regulated by club etiquette. In New York, now a city of +clubs, this etiquette differs much from that observed in London, Paris, +or any of the large continental centers. In London, a man is identified +with his club. He rarely belongs to more than one, and his membership +there denotes his social standing, his pursuits in life, and, above all, +his politics. English clubs are also very jealous of admittance of +strangers, and are not in the least hospitable to the foreigner. There +are exceptions to this among the literary, theatrical, and Bohemian +organizations, but the Pall Mall clubs are "closed." In New York, +Boston, Chicago, and other American cities there are organizations which +insist upon certain qualifications, such as being a university man, a +lawyer, an author, a physician, or a member of a college fraternity, for +admittance; but then the members also belong to other clubs, where their +social standing, or perhaps the extent of their bank account, is their +passport. + +If a man wishes to get on socially, he should belong to at least one +good club. It gives him his standing in the community, and places him. +He is no longer on the list of the unidentified. + +When a choice is made of a club which you desire to join, the next step +would be to have two members in good standing to act as your +sponsors--one proposes your name and the other seconds. A good sponsor +is necessary, and you should choose one who has many friends in the +organization of which you desire to become a member. The president, +officers, and the governing committee are debarred from either proposing +or seconding a name for membership. The term of a man's novitiate +depends upon the state of the waiting list. Your proposer will notify +you when your name will be reached, as he himself will be notified in +writing by the committee on membership. The rules of candidacy differ in +various clubs. In some, the name of the candidate with those of the two +members proposing him is exposed in a conspicuous place where the entire +club can see it. There is also a book in which other members sign the +application, and the number of signatures, of course, has weight with +the governors. + +Again, the name is inscribed in a book kept for the purpose in the +steward's office, and it is not necessary that any other indorsement +except that of your sponsors be made. + +Any member objecting to the name of a candidate has two methods by which +he can make known his objection. One is to write directly to the +governors, or to the committee on admissions and membership, whichever, +according to the laws of the club, has the matter in hand. Usually it is +the governing committee or board of governors. This communication is +treated, as are all club matters, with the secrecy of the confessional. +Your sponsors are written to and the objections stated, but the name of +the person objecting is withheld. The other method is, if any one has an +objection to your admission, that he should go at once in a manly way to +one of your sponsors and state it. It is a rare occurrence in a New York +club that any candidate is black-balled. The warning from the governing +committee, or from another member to the sponsors, is a word to the +wise, and the men who propose you should immediately withdraw your name +to avoid a disaster. Otherwise a very great risk is run, as objections +which have any foundation have great weight with the governing +committee. + +In the clubs where the names of the candidates are kept only in a small +book, while on the waiting list they are posted ten days before the +election in a conspicuous part of the clubhouse. No candidate can be +elected to a club who is not personally known to two or more members of +the governing committee. A short time before election, if the candidate +has not this acquaintance, it is the duty of his sponsors to take him +around and introduce him, or to arrange that he will meet these +gentlemen in some way; otherwise his name will go over; and after two +setbacks of this kind, it will be rejected. + +On the election of a candidate--the balloting being done by the +governing committee--the sponsors are notified, sometimes by posting and +otherwise simply by letter. The secretary of the club will let the new +member know immediately of his election, and the letter, which is +usually a form, will also notify him that his admission fee and yearly +dues are payable. The admission or entrance fee to a club is from one +hundred to two hundred dollars in the well-known New York organizations, +and the yearly dues are from seventy-five to one hundred dollars. These +must be paid at once by check. The rules of most clubs allow a +thirty-day limit. If you are so fortunate as to be admitted after the +date of the yearly meeting, you will only be liable for one half the +current yearly dues; otherwise you pay the entire amount. + +It is now the duty of the sponsors to introduce their newly elected +candidate to the club. This is an easy matter. One of them will go with +you, sit in the general smoking or lounging room, and make you +acquainted with one or two of his friends. The responsibility is then +over. + +Club etiquette is very simple. It is only the application of the usual +rules of courtesy observed in private life. The club is your home. You +should behave there as you would in your own house as host, and +consequently your conduct toward your fellow-members should be +characterized by the utmost consideration. + +The average clubhouse has a large room on the ground or first floor +which is used for smoking, reading, the newspapers, and "living" +generally. On the floors above there are the dining rooms, the library, +and reading and card rooms. The billiard room occupies a special +quarter, according to the plan of the house. + +A clever man said that there was but one rule of clubhouse etiquette +different from the general laws of manners, and that was to keep your +hat on. This is true, but then there are many others. Men do not take +off their hats on entering a club, and do not remove them in any room +except that in which they dine. All social clubs are more or less +"closed." Visitors are only allowed under certain restrictions. The +general rule is that a member may invite to the use of the club for a +period of ten consecutive days any one not a resident of the city, but +can have no more than one guest at a time. No stranger shall be +introduced a second time unless he shall have been absent from the city +three months. In some clubs a member may introduce as a visitor a +resident of the city, but he can have no more than one such guest at a +time. No person shall be introduced more than once in twelve months. +Other clubs are open to the admission of visitors at certain periods, +and others again have ladies' days, at which a reception to the fair +friends of the members is given. All this depends on the rules of the +club. As soon as you are made a member you are given a little book in +which these are contained, and you should study them carefully. The name +of a guest should be entered on the visitors' book with that of his +host. If the visitor is put up for a certain period a card to the club +is sent him, and during his stay he has all the privileges of a member. +He can run up an account, but he should certainly settle it before his +term expires, otherwise his host will be held responsible. + +A clubman never pays an attendant for refreshment or food served. +Gratuities of any kind to servants are forbidden. When refreshment is +required, you press the electric bell, of which there are a number in +all the rooms, and the attendant comes to you for your order. When he +brings it he has with it a check which you sign. These checks are, of +course, debited to you, and you receive your bill once a month, or you +can make arrangements to pay at the steward's or cashier's desk daily. + +You order your meals in the same manner, and when they are ready, the +servant will notify you. + +At most of the clubs smoking is not permitted in the dining rooms until +after nine, nor are refreshments allowed to be served in the visitors' +room or library at any time. Books and magazines are not to be removed +from the reading room or library, nor any publication belonging to the +club from the clubhouse. + +There is still a prejudice against pipe smoking in many of the clubs, +and you must consult the rules before you attempt this practice. A man +does not remove his coat or sit in his shirtsleeves in any of the public +rooms. An allowance, however, is made in the billiard room. + +The loud-voiced man is one of the nuisances of a club. Loud talking may +be endured in the smoking or general room, but certainly not in the +library or the reading rooms. + +The "kicker" is another objectionable person. He should remember that +the best way of rectifying abuses is to send to the house committee all +complaints of any deficiency in the service of the club, of overcharges, +mistakes, or defects. The club is not a place to conduct one's +commercial interests. Invitations and special correspondence can be +conducted on club paper, but certainly it is a breach of club etiquette +to use it for business purposes. + +The man who bows to a woman from a club window is not a gentleman. By +this action he fastens upon her the most disgraceful odium one of her +sex can bear. + +The name of a woman should never be whispered in a club unless it is to +say something complimentary of her. Even this is not in good taste. + +It is not club etiquette to "treat." You can do so if you desire, but +you are not obliged to follow this inane custom, which is born of +bar-room ethics. + +All the affairs of a club must be regarded in strict confidence. Under +no consideration should that which has occurred within these sacred +portals be divulged to outsiders. + +Once a year--usually at Christmas--a subscription is taken up for the +employees and servants. From five to ten dollars is the proper amount to +give. + +A few clubs have a ladies' restaurant attached, where members may take +their families or give dinners, or where the wives of members have the +privilege of giving luncheons or other entertainments. Otherwise ladies +are not admitted to the privileges of the clubhouse, except on ladies' +days, and where there is an "annex" they can only avail themselves of +that part set aside for their convenience upon the authority of a +member. + +These rules pertaining to the general government of clubs have been +compiled from the constitution and by-laws of the Union, Metropolitan, +Knickerbocker, Calumet, and Manhattan Clubs of New York. The +constitutions of the Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, Chicago, San +Francisco, and other clubs are almost identical. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +THE SPORTING BACHELOR. + + +_Driving._--Driving really comprises coaching as well as the tandem. + +A man who has any pretensions whatever to keeping his own horses or +driving should be judged by the appearance of his traps. He submits +himself to what one, to-day, might call the X-ray of criticism. He +enters a field, and he must be weighed in the balance and his position +defined by the standard of his associates. I know of no other city in +the world where there are better groomed horses and better turned out +equipages than in New York. The American in Hyde Park is shocked at the +appearance of the traps in that famous driveway of fashion, and his +national pride is gratified by observing that the smartest are of +American makes. As to Paris, it is simply beyond the pale of criticism, +the private turnouts, such as they are, being almost lost in a sea of +dirty, disgraceful _fiacres_. + +In the first place, your horses must be well groomed, their hoofs +blackened, and their tails properly banged. I do not intend here to +enter a discussion concerning the cruelty of docking horses' tails. The +social law is without exception. Horses with long tails are impossible. +I believe banging is not accompanied by any physical pain. + +The harness, the trap itself, the coachman, and groom or grooms should +be as immaculate as the horses. There should not be a single item out of +gear. Every detail must be perfect. Choose some individual color for +your traps, and never change the colors of your stable any more than you +would your liveries. I have discussed fully in the chapter on Servants +the duties of coachmen and grooms, and I refer the reader to that +section of this book for information concerning liveries and the human +_personnel_ of your trap. + +As to the color of your horses you should consult the fashion of the +moment. To-day grays and bays are matched, and a person in half mourning +recently appeared on a leading thoroughfare with a black trap and +harness and white horses. + +A bachelor, however, should court simplicity, and I do not even approve +of an equipage with two men on the box for an unmarried man. In fact I +do not know of a single bachelor who has such a turnout. + +A coach, a tandem, a drag, or any of the array of fashionable carts, or +a private hansom should limit the list. + +Coolness and absolute confidence are the requisite virtues of good +driving. + +The driver salutes always with the whip; those on the coach with him or +in the trap bow. + +Dress for driving in the city is usually that of afternoon, and a high +hat is indispensable. Sometimes the huge gray coats with large buttons +and a gray topper are worn. Dogskin driving gloves and driving boots +complete the costume. In the country one wears tweed or Scotch cheviot +and a Derby hat. The man who drives mounts last, his horses' heads being +held by the groom. His whip should be in its socket; the reins loosely +thrown over the horses' backs. He should spring into his seat and start +immediately. + +There is a certain smartness in driving, in the way you manage your +whip, your horses, and the many other details, which it is the province +of a good master of the sport to teach you. + +The fashionable hour for driving in New York is from three to five, and +the drive the Park. At Newport one drives both in the morning and +evening. + +Remember, however, that the secret of your mastery over your stables +should be your perfect knowledge of every detail. If you are a novice +you should begin by learning the name and use of each part of your +harness. You should be able to tell at a glance if everything is right, +and you can not be too severe if anything is out of gear or the animals +are not properly groomed. The best position on the box is a firm seat +with your feet close together. Drive with one hand and keep the whip +hand free, except for its legitimate use in touching your horses now and +then, and in saluting. + +A man always sits with his back to the horses in a Victoria, or any +other four-seated vehicle, when there are two ladies with him. When +there is only one he sits by her side. He alights first with a view to +assisting the ladies. He gets in last. + +It is not good form in New York for unmarried couples to drive together, +unaccompanied by a chaperon. It is permitted at Newport and the country +and seaside resorts, but a groom always sits on the back seat. In this +case the woman is frequently the whip. + +A man and a woman may drive together in the city in a hansom, although +this is considered unconventional. Buggy driving is not in vogue in New +York. + +_Riding_, since the advent of the wheel, is not as fashionable an +amusement in cities as formerly. + +Riding classes, which meet two evenings during the week, usually in the +Lenten season, are still very popular. These gatherings take place at a +riding academy, and a competent riding master is in charge. + +When riding with a woman, a man should always be at her right. A woman's +riding habit falls to the left and she is mounted from the left. In +assisting her to mount, which, even when a groom is present, is the +gallant thing to do, a man should grasp the bridle with the left hand +and hold his right so that she can step into it. The woman puts her left +foot, therefore, in a man's right hand, and holds to the pommel with her +right hand. The escort gives his arm a slight spring, and with a +corresponding action on the part of the fair equestrienne, she is +lifted into the saddle. The man faces the near side of the horse, or the +left. He takes the reins in his right hand and with it grasps the pommel +of the saddle, shortening the reins until he feels the mouth of the +horse. He inserts the left foot in the stirrup and springs into the +saddle. + +In speaking of a pommel, I wish it understood that the English saddle is +used, which has no visible pommel, but that part of it is still called +by the name in lieu of another term. + +A good rider should never mount from a horse block or a fence. The +English mode of riding is fashionable. The smart pace is a short canter. +In trotting, a man may rise to the trot. Squaring the elbows is a trifle +vulgar and obsolete. In meeting acquaintances, a man should bow. A man +accompanying a lady should always keep pace with her, and never either +go ahead or let his horse fall behind. A man riding alone should never +pass or catch up with a woman unattended. + +When one rides in New York it is only in the morning. Afternoon riding +in the Park is not the vogue it was. The New Yorker dislikes to dress up +in any special costume, so that for years the fashionable afternoon +riding costume was a black cutaway or morning coat, ordinary trousers +strapped under the ordinary walking boot, top hat, and gloves, but the +present riding costume for the morning in New York and the country +consists of whipcord or corduroy riding breeches and jacket, brown +leather waistcoat, brown Derby hat, boots or leggings, and dark gloves. +You can wear this in the afternoon, but the ordinary costume is +considered smarter and more convenient. Men in New York only ride in the +Park, and many of them do not belong to riding academies or have +lockers. A complete change of costume is not convenient, and you never +see a New York clubman on the streets in riding togs. The evening +classes always end with a supper and a dance. The woman's habit is +easily changed, but to appear at night in riding costume or with boots +in a drawing room is certainly absurd. To wear evening dress on +horseback, even a Tuxedo coat, is also outlandish, and thus the +compromise has been effected, and the old black diagonal cutaway brought +into use. + +_Riding to hounds_ requires special knowledge as to the rules and the +etiquette of the different hunts. These vary. The meet is generally at +some farm or country house, and you are expected to appear in the +regulation hunt colors. The orthodox costume is morning coat, white or +fancy waistcoat, riding breeches, top boots, crop, top hat, and hunting +scarf. The master of the hounds should wear a red or scarlet frock coat +and hunting cap. After the hunt there is a breakfast, and several times +during the year a ball. At the latter festivity, members of the club +should wear their scarlet evening coats. + +_Coaching_ is yet another of the intricate arts. I will give a few +points to the novice. The place of honor is the box seat and should be +given to a lady, when ladies are of the party. + +If a bachelor is a good whip, a coaching party is an excellent way for +him to entertain. The start should be from some fashionable locality in +town, and eight or ten is a large party. It is needless for me to call +the attention of a whip to the importance of his drag and horses and +appointments being perfect. During the progress of the coach the guard +who sits in the rear blows his horn at regular intervals. A bugle or +cornet is not good form, although I have heard it in small towns. + +It may seem elementary, but for the requirements of those who have never +coached I might as well state that the guests sit on the top and not +inside the coach. A neat and serviceable team may be made with two +browns as leaders and a brown and a bay as wheelers. To the novice the +names of these will indicate their position. + +A coaching route should be about ten to fifteen miles. A halt is made at +a country club, of which the host is a member, or a hotel, where +luncheon is served. The _menu_ consists of the usual comestibles with +plenty of champagne. Two hours altogether are allowed for rest, and then +the start homeward is made. The whip should wear driving costume, with +gray or black high hat. The men guests can be dressed in morning +costume, tweeds, and Derby hats, unless the occasion is one of +formality, such as a coaching parade, when one should don afternoon +dress. The general etiquette of driving applies to coaching. + +_Wheeling_ is the popular and fashionable amusement at present writing, +and it bids fair to continue so until quite late in the twentieth +century. As yet there are no special rules of etiquette for this new +sport, except that which would govern its dress. Otherwise there are the +rules of the road--keeping and turning to the right--and the extending +by gentlemen of those civilities which they should never forget to the +fair sex, and consideration for their fellow-men. A man should always +wait for a lady to mount, holding the bicycle. He should ride at her +left, keeping pace with her, and sufficiently near to be of assistance +in case of an accident. He should dismount first and help her to do so +if necessary. The present fashionable costume for cycling consists of +tweed knickers and short lounge jacket of same material, brown leather +or linen waistcoat, colored shirt, with white turn-down collar and club +tie, golf stockings, and low-quartered tan wheeling shoes. A cap of +tweed to match the suit completes the rig. At cycling clubs black small +clothes with dinner jacket may be worn, but as yet it is not the +prevailing fashion. + +In summer very natty wheeling costumes are made of linen or crash. + +One word more as to wheeling. Owing to its popularity, many have sought +to make it vulgar and common. An idea that a man has the privilege of +addressing any woman on a bicycle is most erroneous. You would not offer +such an impertinence to an equestrienne, and you must remember that a +"wheel" is only a metal horse. To catch up with or pass unchaperoned or +unescorted women wheelers is as much a breach of etiquette as to be +guilty of the same vulgarity toward an unaccompanied Amazon. + +_Shooting_ deserves a few words, although shooting parties in the +acceptance of the foreign and British entertainments have as yet but few +counterparts in this country. Men chase the aniseed bag or an imported +fox when riding to hounds, and when they take gun in hand it is for the +purpose of hunting big game, such as one would obtain in the +Adirondacks, in the Rockies, in the Southern swamp lands, and in the +wilderness of Canada. In England you may be invited for the shooting. +The start is in the morning, in a party accompanied by the gamekeepers. +The birds are flurried, the guns are loaded by your special attendant, +and you only pause in your work of destruction for luncheon, which is +served somewhere in the woods or on the moors. You are expected to be at +the house about four, where, after changing your clothes, you appear in +the drawing room for tea. You are cautioned in these parties, in order +to avoid accident, before crossing a hedge, gate, or any other obstacle, +to remove your cartridges. You are to be unusually careful in the manner +of holding your gun, and should certainly not flourish it around or +point it at any living thing, save that which it is intended to kill. +Guns used as walking sticks or props to take flying leaps or other +extraordinary purposes are the assinine diversions of some idiots. In +England a position is assigned to you. It is etiquette to remain in it, +shooting in a liberal and sportsmanlike spirit, accepting shots as they +come. The gamekeepers expect a tip at the end of the visit. The correct +dress is loose jacket, knicker corduroy breeches, stout ribbed +stockings, and box-cloth leggings. Heavy russet boots and a cloth +shooting cap are also worn. + +_Bowls_ is a favorite game in the country, and during the Lenten season +in New York, where there are a number of clubs formed for its enjoyment. + +Although the sessions are in the evening, the men dress at clubs in +_mufti_ or _neglige_, the golf or cycling suits being the favorites. +When you are asked to play bowls at a private house, and when there is a +dance to follow, or when you are asked to a "bowling party," it is +perhaps better form to wear your dinner jacket or Tuxedo, as there will +be supper and dancing afterward. The presence of ladies will not deter +you from wearing on an occasion like this demitoilet or dinner jacket, +as there is a certain informality about all athletic sports. The same +may be said of _badminton_, another favorite Lenten game, played +somewhat after the manner of tennis. The difference is that instead of +racquet and ball, battledore and shuttlecock are used. + +For _skating_, even at a rink on artificial ice, golf costume or _mufti_ +is good form. + +_Polo_ has likewise no code of etiquette not connected with the rules of +the game. The dress for polo includes buckskin knee breeches, flannel or +madras shirt with low turn-down collar, top riding boots, and polo cap. + + +YACHTING, BOATING, BATHING, TENNIS, AND RACING. + +A yacht in commission is the most expensive and luxurious toy a man can +have. No one but a millionaire can afford it. True, as in other +possessions, there are degrees, and consequently there are yachts and +yachts. Only large schooner or steam yachts, however, are adaptable for +entertaining. A man's yacht is indeed his castle, and the host has only +to follow the rules which govern social functions to be perfect in this +delightful method of entertaining. Yet there are a few little details of +which it would be prudent to speak. The proper entertainments for a +yacht in harbor are luncheons, dinners, dances, and short cruises. None +of these should be elaborate, the yacht itself--a thing of joy and +beauty--being alone a great attraction. + +Your sailors should meet the people invited at the dock in the cutter, +and row them to the place where your yacht rides at anchor. You should +be at the gangway ready to receive them. The same order should be +observed on their leaving. + +During a club cruise there are several formalities to be observed. You +are then as if under military or naval orders. The commodore should be +treated with the same consideration as an admiral. You should not appear +before him except in the uniform of the club, and you should always +salute him on passing, and he should have precedence at all +entertainments. + +Yachting dress for men consists in either blue flannel or serge suit, or +weather pilot or pea-jacket of rough cloth or "witney," or blue serge or +flannel coat with naval white duck trousers. The cap, blue or white +cloth or duck. White flannels are also worn, but they are not so +appropriate. In the evening, usual formal landsman's costume. + +There are a few rules of practical yachting which are so intimately +connected with etiquette that, although it is not exactly in my +province, I propose to give a summary of them here; they may be useful, +and may serve my reader a good turn. I take the regulations of the New +York Yacht Club for my guide. It is without doubt the leading yachting +organization of this country. + +When on a cruise, all yachts belonging to a club should hoist their +colors at eight o'clock A. M. and haul them down at sunset, taking time +from the senior officer present in port, if there should be one. Between +sunset and colors they should carry a night pennant. Guns should only be +fired on setting or hauling down the colors, except by the yacht giving +the time, nor between sunset and colors, nor on Sunday, and the rules of +many yacht clubs insist on these formalities being observed whether a +yacht is on a cruise or not. + +The senior officer in port should be in command, and should make colors +and sunset and return salutes and visits, etc. His yacht should remain +the station vessel until a senior to him in rank arrives, when such +senior should assume the duties of the anchorage. + +Flag officers should display their pennants while in commission, except +when absent for more than forty-eight hours. In this case their private +signal should be hoisted. A blue rectangular flag at the starboard +spreader should be displayed when the owner is not on board. + +All salutes should be returned in kind. Yachts of all clubs should +always salute vessels of the United States Navy. Yachts passing at sea +should salute each other, juniors saluting first. This is done by +dipping the ensign three times or by firing a gun, followed by dipping +the ensign. Arriving in harbor after sunset or on Sunday the salute +should be made the first thing next morning. + +When a squadron or a cruising expedition enters a port or anchorage and +finds there a foreign yacht, the senior officer of the squadron or +cruise should send its owner a tender of the civilities of the club. All +vessels are considered foreign not belonging to the interstate squadron, +or to a club not included in the association of yachts to which your +vessel and you belong. + +Of course I have only skimmed through the sailing and saluting +regulations. You are supposed to have a book of your club, which will +give them to you, and you are bound to follow the rules laid down +therein. + +As a rule, the commodore of a yacht club wears on his cap an anchor one +inch and a half in diameter, placed horizontally, embroidered in gold, +with a silver star of half an inch diameter at each end of and above the +anchor. A vice commodore wears only a single star; captains two crossed +foul anchors. The dress uniform of most yacht clubs is a plain blue or +black dress coat, a white dress waistcoat, each with the club button in +gilt; blue or white trousers with cravat black or white. The undress +consists of a double-breasted sack coat of blue cloth, serge, or +flannel, blue or white waistcoat, each with the black club button; +trousers of same material, or of white drill. The commodore has five +black silk stripes on his cuff, the vice commodore four, the rear +commodore three, the captain and other officers two, and the members +one. + +Your crew should wear shirts of blue flannel or white linen with wide +blue cuffs and collars, stitched with blue or white thread. +Handkerchiefs should be of black silk, caps of blue cloth without visor; +straw hats with black ribbon can be used for summer. The name of the +yacht must be worked on the breast of the shirt, or printed upon the +band of the cap or the ribbon of the hat. The trousers should be of +blue flannel or white linen duck. No braces are worn. + + +GOLF. + +The etiquette of golf is incorporated, more or less, with the +technicalities of the rules governing the game. I do not intend to go +into these, but to give a few hints to the novice, to prevent him, if +possible, committing solecisms. + +Golf has a vocabulary of its own. The "grounds" on which the game is +played is a stretch of rather rough country, abounding in hills, +hillocks, and sandy downs, and is known by no other name but the +"links." + +The game is usually played by two persons, but it can be by more. It +consists in driving a ball, small and black, or painted red for the +winter snows, along a route laid out by a series of holes to a goal, +with a selection of clubs with metal ends. A small boy carries these +clubs around for the players. He is called the "caddie." + +The clubs have various names and various uses. They are for propelling +or driving the ball, according to the rules of the game. They are the +driver, long spoon, short spoon, putter, iron putter, cleek, iron, +niblick, brassey, lofting iron, and mashie. + +A "tee" is a small mound of sand or earth upon which the ball rests. As +before explained, the ball is propelled or driven from the tee into one +of the holes. The term "putting" is applied to the locality in which +this operation of driving the ball into the hole takes place. + +The etiquette of the spectator is embraced in the common-sense essential +of being an onlooker and nothing more. Silence is golden. Advice and +comment, should you profess to know anything about the game, are brazen. +Be considerate; do not interfere with the comfort of the players. As at +billiards, the stroke should be made in utter silence. The golf "links" +is not a place for criticism, and if you are allowed to follow the +players around, you must control your feelings alike when enthusiastic +or when contemptuous. Besides being a breach of good manners, remember +that golf is more or less an outdoor game of whist. + +Golf is the easiest game at which to cheat, but as it is a sport in the +_repertoire_ of a gentleman, it would seem almost an insult to hint at +such a contingency. However, apart from the moral effect of cheating at +any game, if a man is dead to all sense of honor, he should be alive to +the fear of being found out. Such discovery means social ostracism. + +The proper golf costume is based on common sense. The man who rigs +himself up for this or any other sport in what he considers the most +approved style is either a very bad player or a novice. The +championships have been won by men wearing their ordinary street +costumes or business lounge suits. The English and Scotch golf dress, +however, is sack coat, knickers without leather extensions, and a plain +tweed shooting cap. The shirt is white madras, soft, unstarched bosom, +with a golf stock or Ascot. Golf shoes or boots are of heavy russet or +black leather. The hose has a long ribbed top, which is turned over, +forming a sort of heavy band on the calf of the leg. It is made of heavy +worsted, plain or ribbed. This costume will do for winter in the English +climate, when you can not employ too heavy tweeds in the north and west. +The American costume, however, is made of lighter tweeds for the spring +and autumn, and of brown linen or holland for the summer. As yet, except +in one or two localities, golf is not generally played in winter, except +by enthusiasts. + +At a match, golfers wear their club uniform coats, which are made of +hunting pink with brass buttons. The club dress uniform is full and +proper dress for all golf functions, such as dinners and dances and +receptions. For golf club evening functions, black silk or lisle thread +stockings and pumps and black knickers would be appropriate dress. This +will be regulated by the rules of the club. + + +BOATING AND BATHING, TENNIS AND RACING. + +But a word, and this on costume. The proper dress in England, where +boating is a social amusement, is the blazer madras shirt with white +linen all-around collars and madras cuffs, same material as shirt, white +duck trousers, and straw hat with colored ribbons. + +For bathing, the present ocean costume is all plain, one dark-color +two-piece suits, short trousers coming to the knees, and jersey with +very short sleeves. + +For tennis, which I have omitted in the category of sports, as there is +no peculiar etiquette attached, you should wear white duck trousers, a +white madras shirt, white flannel coat, plain or finely striped, and +straw hat or flannel cap to match coat. The straw hat was in vogue last +summer. + +In England many men wear gray vicuna frock coats to the races. About +this costume, however, in America, where races are but seldom social +functions, you must be guided by the season, circumstances, and place. +Of course, a top hat must be worn with any species of frock coat, but +the gray top hat has gone out of fashion. + +_Gymkhana_ races are burlesque affairs imported from India. The +participants are dressed in grotesque fancy costumes, and are obliged to +race holding umbrellas, toy balloons, or some other absurdity. They are +in great favor at summer watering places. + + +BILLIARDS. + +The etiquette of this popular pastime is possibly embraced in the +general maxim of "the extending of the utmost consideration for others." + +Billiards constitutes quite an important factor in club life, and should +have been included in the chapter on that subject but for the fact that +so many private houses have billiard rooms, and the game is better +classified with the different sports of a bachelor. + +At the club it is allowable to play the game _sans_ one's coat, or in +shirt sleeves. The billiard room is a place where one can be +unconventional. Order, however, in a match game especially, should be +strictly maintained. The severe English rule at clubs, under such +circumstances, requires the man who has played his stroke "to retire to +a reasonable distance, and keep out of the line of sight" (_vide_ the +Badminton treatise on the game). Orders for drinks to the waiter, loud +talking, criticism of the play, lighting pipes and cigars--the latter +being only generally allowed in New York club billiard rooms--are all +offenses against etiquette. + +In private houses it is certainly a breach of good manners to bolt into +a billiard room while a game is in progress, except between the strokes, +and this period can be easily ascertained by listening at the door. The +ideal game is conducted with strict observance of the etiquette of the +room. It is, according to the same Badminton authority, a game during +the progress of which neither player smokes nor interrupts the other, +and spectators are generally courteous, silent, and impartial. In a +private house where ladies are apt to be present and to be players, +shirt sleeves are certainly not tolerated. The dinner coat is useful on +these occasions. Smoking is permissible if the hostess consents. + +The etiquette of cards calls for but a word. Whist means silence. No +gentleman quarrels with a billiard marker or a golf caddie; still less +should he dispute a point at cards. Better lose, especially when women +are present, than enter a controversy. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD. + + +To seem entirely at one's ease is the best maxim I can give for +traveling. You can not actually pretend to experience that which may be +totally lacking, but by making yourself comfortable you will increase +the pleasure of others. There is, in these days of luxurious traveling, +but little occasion to be flurried, and no excuse whatever for not being +as well dressed as you are calm and self-possessed. Dress means a great +deal, and if you have not a servant with you it will simply require a +little care at the commencement to insure your entire freedom from all +annoyance. + +As I have already observed in a previous chapter, in a long journey it +would be better to take more than one trunk, but even if you have but +the one you should carry also a bag with your toilet articles. A +dressing bag is most requisite, and if you can not afford this you +could have an ordinary bag, or even a "dress suit" case, fitted up with +the necessary appliances of the toilet. These, it is almost absurd to +state, consist of your razors, tooth and nail brushes, combs and +hairbrushes, individual soap, and a few small vials of very useful +physic, such as Jamaica ginger, Pond's extract, liver pills, cologne, +and, if you do not carry it in your pocket, a brandy flask. There are +times when this is absolutely necessary. In my dressing bag, if +possible, I would take my pyjamas, so as to be perfectly equipped for +the night, in case, at the end of my journey, I could not get at my +trunk. Overcoats, waterproof coat, umbrellas, walking sticks, etc., +should be carried in a shawl strap, where you could also have a novel or +so, or a budget of interesting newspapers or magazines. For short +railway or steamer journeys, the best dress is the ordinary lounge or +morning sack suit, with a soft felt or Hombourg hat. Gloves are +necessary. Tan or gray suede is the most correct. In winter an ulster +should be worn. Select for sea or for ocean voyages the warmest lounge +suit you have, or, if you feel more disposed, a warm tweed knickerbocker +suit, such as you wear for golf. I think it is a good principle to put +on your old clothes at sea. Only very vulgar people dress for this +occasion. For late dinner on the ship I would have a black cutaway coat +and a light tie. I believe men must change their clothes before dinner +at all places and under all circumstances. Russet shoes are worn. + +Do not hurry. Have your tickets purchased in time, and arrive at a train +so that you will have fully five minutes in which to check your luggage. + +On an ocean voyage, if the ship is going to leave at an early hour in +the morning, go on board the night before. Farewell suppers are like +greetings in tugboats and other vulgar celebrations, the meed of the +second-class politician. Arrange with your banker for letters of credit, +and take with you just sufficient small change to carry you comfortably +and pay your little expenses, with one note of a larger denomination in +case of accident. Do not get your money changed on the ship. It is +effected at a very high rate of discount. Thus on English ships--the +Cunard, White Star, Anchor, and Allan lines--English currency is used. +The Hamburg and the North German Lloyd employ German, and the +Transatlantique, French. Your steamer trunk and your bag and shawl strap +should be placed in the cabin with you. Steamer chairs, in these days, +can be hired. Do not carry one around with you. It is a nuisance. On the +ocean steamers the steward will attend to your little wants, and prepare +your bath for you in the morning, for which there is a fee, I think, of +twenty-five cents a day. It is customary on leaving a ship to give +gratuities to servants. To the cabin steward on English ships, ten +shillings, the head steward ten shillings, and your waiter ten +shillings. On others, for a six days' voyage, a fee equal to two dollars +should be given to your waiter and your cabin steward and to the head +steward. Servants abroad are feed on a regular tariff, which you will +find in the guidebooks. In this country the drawing-car fiend expects +twenty-five cents for a day's journey; fifty cents to a dollar for +longer and more extended service. At American hotels the waiters are +tipped when you leave, and a small gratuity given to chambermaids. + +Courtesy, especially to women, is the one thing expected from every +gentleman who travels, and if you can assist any one in distress by +advice or by help of any kind do so, particularly if it is an +unprotected woman. But be very guarded in making new acquaintances. Such +as are picked up on the steamer, for instance, can be dropped as soon +as you land. Beware of the cardroom and the poker sharps who travel on +the great liners. Make it a rule, if you will play for money, never to +do so with strangers. + +When traveling with a lady, always carry her bag and assist her in and +out of the trains. Your behavior is on its mettle under these +circumstances, and traveling is very apt to be like a mustard plaster, +bringing out both the good and evil attributes of a man. + +The subject of foreign travel also needs a few words as well as a bit of +general advice. English customs and our own are so much alike that it +would be strange, indeed, if an American could not get along in the land +where his own tongue is spoken. One of the first difficulties which once +beset traveling Americans in London was the regulation in theaters that +the audience, or that part of it occupying the best stalls, should be in +evening dress. As evening dress is now also the rule in New York, this +quandary is a thing of the past. Programmes at many of the English +theaters are now free, where some years ago it was customary to sell +bills of the play for sixpence. + +The feeing of servants at hotels, however, continues, and we yet have +the charge on hotel bills for service. You are expected to give +something to the hall porter, to your waiter, to the boots, and to the +chambermaid. The amount of these fees differs according to the length of +your stay. I should say a half crown to the porter and less sums to the +others. + +In London a shilling a mile is the accepted price for cabs within a +certain metropolitan radius called the "circle." "Thrupence" or sixpence +extra is the tip "to drink your health." + +Afternoon dress is the correct attire for the park after midday, and +cabs and hansoms are not seen on the Row during riding and driving +hours. + +In Paris you may wear a blue blouse and make the turn of the Bois in a +_fiacre_. The tariff there is two francs an hour, or two francs fifty +per course, from one place to another. The _pourboire_ is fifty +centimes. + +In France the _pourboire_ is a veritable tax, as it is in Italy and in +the Latin countries. In Germany the mark is equal to about twenty-five +cents of our money, and it will go a long way. Ten marks will fee a +houseful of servants. + +At the station in Paris fifty centimes is given to the porter. The +"commissionnaire" at the hotel expects fifty centimes. Waiters' +_pourboires_ are eighty-five centimes at breakfast, and at dinner a +franc. In a _cafe_ they are twenty-five centimes. + +The woman at the theater who puts a footstool under your feet expects +one franc, and at many of the playhouses she must be feed for a reserved +seat. + +In Paris the orchestra stalls are occupied only by men. At the opera +during the season evening dress in the boxes and stalls is, of course, +_de rigueur_. At the Comedie Francaise on Tuesdays and at the Odeon on +Thursdays you must be in evening dress in order to gain admittance. + +Chairs are sold in Paris at the Catholic churches, and in both the +London and Paris parks seats can be hired for a few pennies or sous. + +In Paris omnibuses only the seating capacity is allowed. When the +omnibus is full, a sign, "_Complet_," is fastened on the outside. + +At the gates of each small town in France the _octroi_, or impost, +levies on articles of food brought in, and the customhouse in England +seizes all American reprints of English books. There, as well as in +France, spirits and tobacco are dutiable. + +It is only civil to bow when passing the Prince of Wales or members of +the royal family. In Paris every hat is removed when a hearse passes, as +also in Italy. In Germany the hat is removed when the emperor passes. + +Passports are necessary for Russian and Eastern travel. + +All large functions on the Continent, no matter what time of the day +they occur, demand evening dress. In Paris the bridegroom at a wedding +in the afternoon wears evening dress, as well as the chief male mourner +at a funeral, but the others present do not. This does not apply to +groomsmen and honorary pallbearers, who are in evening dress. In +Germany, Austria, and Italy, wherever royalty appears, evening dress is +necessary. At the audiences granted by the Pope all men must be in +evening dress, and the women in dark gowns and veils. + +The Queen of England, the Princess of Wales, and all other female +members of the royal family are addressed as "Ma'am"; the Prince of +Wales and the male members as "Sir," and never, except by tradesmen, as +"Your Royal Highness." + +The English dukes are addressed simply as "Duke" and not as "Your +Grace"; a marquis is "Lord" and a marchioness "Lady." Younger sons of +dukes should be spoken of as lord. A French duke and duchess are +addressed as "Monsieur" and "Madame." In Germany one drops the Von when +addressing a nobleman who has that title, but when you write to him you +must give him his full credentials. + +A foreign bishop is always addressed as "My Lord" and a cardinal as +"Your Eminence." + +The etiquette at a house where the Prince of Wales or a member of the +royal family in England visits is rigorous, and on the Continent, when +royalty is present, it is even more severe. The prince is never +addressed unless he speaks to you. He alone has the privilege of +changing the subject of conversation, and all plans for the day's +recreation are submitted to him. + +These observations are, of course, very general, but the average +American to-day is at home in Europe. He should only remember the old +adage to do in Rome as the Romans do, and he will not be much +embarrassed by foreign customs and habits. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +THE ENGAGED BACHELOR. + + +The etiquette of engagements is simple. There are no rules as to how a +man should ask a woman to be his wife. + +A man is not at liberty to announce his engagement until his _fiancee_ +gives him permission to do so. It is her family who have the right to +know first of the existence of an engagement. Very few engagements are +entered into so hurriedly as not to be anticipated in a way by the +members of the young woman's household. However, the first step to be +taken is the announcement by the _fiancee_ to her mother, her father, or +her proper guardian of the existing circumstances. Sometimes this is +done in a most informal way by both parties. The day after the +engagement has thus been announced it is good form for the man to have a +private talk with the young woman's parents or guardian. In America we +are supposed to be above the discussion of marriage settlements. A man +should never ask a woman to marry him unless he has the wherewithal to +support her in the manner in which she has been accustomed to live. An +inquiry into the state of the proposed son-in-law's finances is +perfectly proper and should not be taken amiss. Engagements are +announced to other members of the family than those of the household by +informal notes when it is decided it should be made public. Relatives +and intimate friends should be apprised of it before one's general +acquaintances. In these days of "society news" the general announcement +is frequently made through the medium of the newspapers. It can also be +made verbally. + +During the engagement it is expected that a man's relatives and friends +should pay the prospective bride as much attention as possible. They +should call on her and felicitate her as soon as they have been informed +of the affair. A pretty compliment for a male member of the man's family +or one of his intimates is to send flowers to the new _fiancee_. +Engagements should never be announced unless the wedding day is fixed +approximately. Avoid long engagements. + +The engagement ring is a solitaire diamond, but one with two smaller +diamonds is appropriate. This will depend upon the income of the swain. +Rings with colored stones, however, are not in vogue for engagements. + +During the engagement the betrothed couple should be seen as much as +possible in each other's society. Neither should appear at large +entertainments to which the other has not been asked. Little attentions +are expected. A man should send from time to time, according to the +state of his finances, flowers, sweets, or other tokens. A sensible girl +will not approve of costly gifts if you can not afford them. A very +acceptable token would be a bunch of violets or American beauty roses +sent from a fashionable florist. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING. + + +When a bachelor marries the arrangement of the details of the ceremony +and reception are left to the bride's family, and there is really very +little about which to instruct him. Many men wish to know how these +matters should be conducted, and a short review is here given under the +penalty of its being not within the scope of the Complete Bachelor. + +Weddings in society are celebrated either at church or at the home of +the bride. The church wedding is the most popular, and in large cities +the most fashionable, as it admits of the presence of a large number of +people and lends much solemnity to the occasion. + +The fashionable hour for a wedding is from high noon--midday--until five +o'clock. Evening weddings have within the past five years not been as +much in vogue as formerly. + +The invitations are issued within a fortnight of the ceremony. The +formula is an announcement engraved on a sheet of heavy cream paper +folded in two. It is issued in the name of the bride's parents or +guardian, and it requests the pleasure of the guest's presence at the +marriage of their daughter or ward at such a church or such a number, at +such an hour of the day, month, and year. A separate card, inclosed, +with the announcement and invitation to the church, states the hours of +the reception. The invitations are very simple, engraved in plain +English script, and the paper and cards are of a standard quality known +to stationers for this purpose. The inner one is addressed only with the +name of the person invited, the outer one has this and the street, the +street number, and full directions for mailing. Gilt-edged or fancy +stationery is vulgar. + +I herewith append some examples. The English invariably insist on the +R. S. V. P., or "answer if you please," on even church invitations. This +is not the regular New York custom. + +The reason for this is that in England those asked to the church are +always expected also at the reception. Only the bridal party sit down to +an elaborate breakfast, the other guests being given the very lightest +of refreshments. + +American form: + + _Mr. and Mrs._ ---- + _request your presence_ + _at the marriage of their daughter_ + _Katherine_ + _to_ + _Mr._ ----, + _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_ + _at twelve o'clock._ + _Grace Church,_ + _Broadway and Tenth Street._ + +Also: + + _Mr. and Mrs._ ---- + _request the honor of your presence_ + _at the marriage of their daughter_ + _Annie_ + _to_ + _Mr._ ---- + _on_ (etc.). + + _Mr. and Mrs._ ---- + _request your presence_ + _at the marriage of their daughter_ + _Myra Raymond_ + _to_ + _Mr._ ----, + _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_ + _at twelve o'clock._ + _Grace Church,_ + _Broadway and Tenth Street._ + + _Mr. and Mrs._ ---- + _request the honor of your presence_ + _at the marriage of their daughter_ + _Annie_ + _to_ + _Mr._ ---- + _on Tuesday morning, November twenty-seventh,_ + _at half past eleven o'clock._ + _St. Leo's Church,_ + _East Twenty-eighth Street._ + ------ + _Please present this card at_ + _St. Leo's Church,_ + _November twenty-seventh._ + +English form: + + _Mr. and Mrs._ ---- + _request the pleasure of_ + _Lord and Lady ----'s_ + _company at_ + _St. Peter's, Eaton Square,_ + _on Saturday, November 4th, at two o'clock,_ + _on the occasion of the marriage of their daughter_ + _Margaret and_ ---- ----, + _and afterward at 1 Grosvenor Square._ + _R. S. V. P._ + ------ + _Admit bearer_ + _to_ + _St. Peter's Church, Eaton Square,_ + _on November 4th, 1895, at two o'clock._ + +If the bride whom a bachelor is marrying is a widow and lives in her own +house, the invitations to the church and the reception, or to either or +both, would read simply, "The pleasure of your company is requested at +the wedding," etc., with a separate card bearing the word reception and +stating the hour and address. + +Should there be no guests at the wedding, and should it be conducted +very quietly or privately, it is necessary that announcement cards be +sent out after the event has taken place. These are issued in the name +of the bride's parent, parents, or guardian, who simply announce "the +marriage of their daughter [or ward] Elizabeth to Mr. Henry Smith +Walcott, Thursday, June the twentieth, eighteen hundred and ninety-six." +In the left-hand corner is placed the address of those sending out the +cards. A card is also inclosed with the names of the newly married +couple, their address, and their reception day. Should there be neither +parents nor guardians, the parties to the contract can announce it +themselves with one card thus: "Mr. William Benham Thorne and Miss +Eleanore Taylor, married on Thursday, November the seventh, eighteen +hundred and ----, New York." Another card can also be inclosed, on +which is the new address of the married couple, as well as their day at +home. If it is a church wedding, and there are neither guardians nor +parents, you can use the form, "You are invited to be present at the +wedding of ----," etc. + +A too rigid economy should not be observed in the sending of wedding +invitations, and the prospective bridegroom should see that this is +carried out. In case there are several members of a family, it is good +form to inclose an invitation to each; thus, Mr. and Mrs. Algernon +Smith, the Misses Smith, and Messrs. Smith making three smaller +envelopes inclosed in the larger one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Algernon +Smith. + +As I have advised in the chapter on Cards, your pasteboard should be +left at the house of those in whose name the invitations are issued, +even if you are asked only to the church. If to the reception, you owe +two visits of "digestion"--one to the bride's parents and one to the +happy pair. + +All the expenses pertaining to a wedding are borne by the bride's +parents. The bridegroom, however, pays the clergyman's fee and provides +his own carriage, cab, or hansom from his rooms to the church. This +vehicle is also sent to the house of the best man. + +All expenses after the marriage are, of course, defrayed by the +bridegroom. It has been strict etiquette for the bride and bridegroom +not to use the family carriage, which usually takes them from the +church, to fetch them to the railroad station, but one provided by the +bridegroom. It is frequently a matter of courtesy for the bride's +parents to offer this for the occasion. + +_The bridegroom_ should, as soon as the wedding day is appointed, choose +his best man and his ushers. The vogue is to ask his nearest unmarried +male relative or his most intimate bachelor friend to serve in the +capacity of best man. More recently a number of very fashionable New +Yorkers have had married men take that position, and thus the innovation +has sanction through the action of the "smart set." A married best man +is said to be an English fad, but I find that it could be more correctly +termed an Anglo-Indian mode, as this new idea is much more popular in +Calcutta and Bombay than in London. + +In the selection of ushers, a man asks usually some few of his intimates +or club friends, and through courtesy to his prospective bride a male +member of her family, frequently her brother. Six ushers are the usual +number, although four are quite sufficient. Some few men have been known +to dispense with the services of the best man and have only ushers, but +this is not exactly correct at a fashionable church wedding. The ushers +can be very easily omitted if the ceremony is to take place at the +house. + +_The bridegroom_ presents his best man and his ushers with their ties, +their gloves, and tie pin, which is a souvenir of the occasion, as well +as their _boutonnieres_, or "buttonholes," to accept the last English +expression, to be worn at the ceremony. + +The tie, gloves, and tie pin are given to the best man and the ushers at +the farewell bachelor dinner; the _boutonnieres_ are ordered at the +florist's and sent to them on the morning of the wedding. Lilies of the +valley are the favorite wedding flowers, but the floral arrangements are +regulated by the bride's family, who possibly have a certain color or +flower scheme for the church decorations, and the "buttonholes" must be +in keeping. + +_The bridegroom_ generally provides hansoms or _coupes_ to drive his +ushers to the church from their respective residences. As the bride's +family provides the carriages for the _cortege_, these other vehicles +may be dismissed at the church. + +_The bridegroom_ himself drives to the church in a hansom with his best +man. + +If it is a house wedding these carriages need not be provided. In this +country the _bridegroom_ does not give the bridesmaids any token or +present. In England he presents them with brooches or bracelets. In New +York the bride presents her maid of honor and bridesmaids with souvenirs +in the shape of lace pins, brooches, or bracelets. + +_The bridegroom_ always gives to his bride a handsome wedding present, +which is to be worn or carried on the happy day. It may be a diamond +tiara, it may be a diamond star, it may be jewels of any kind which he +can ascertain would be acceptable to her, or it may be a prayer book. +_The bridegroom_ does not provide any part of the bride's costume. + +If the bride should carry flowers instead of a prayer book, this special +bouquet is the gift of the bridegroom, but the flowers for the +bridesmaids are provided by the bride. + +The expenses of the wedding notices in the newspapers and the fee to the +clergyman are paid by the bridegroom through the agency of the best +man. + +The wedding ring is of bright burnished gold, perfectly plain. The date +of the wedding and the initials of the happy pair should be engraved on +the inside. The ring is confided to the best man, who produces it at the +proper time during the ceremony. + +It is customary for a prospective bridegroom to purchase or, rather, to +have a wedding outfit made. Very elaborate affairs of this kind are not +in good taste, and anything which suggests the occasion is certainly +vulgar. Beyond the clothes for the ceremony, there should be a general +overhauling of the wardrobe and shirts, undervests, underclothes, +handkerchiefs, and such articles must, if any of them are needed or have +fallen into decay, be supplied or renewed. All this is a matter of +taste. + +_The bachelor farewell dinner_ is now a recognized institution. Perhaps +next to the ceremony itself, it is regarded as the most important social +function of the wedding week. + +If you are a member of a club, your farewell dinner should be given +there in one of the private dining rooms. Otherwise it is perfectly +correct to have it at a well-known restaurant or hotel, in, of course, a +private dining room. You may have it at your own house, and, should your +parents be living and you reside with them, it can be given at home. +The club, however, is really first choice. Sometimes the strictly +bachelor dinner is dispensed with, and in its stead a dinner is given to +the entire bridal party by the family of the bride. This does away with +the presumed selfishness of the "stag" dinner, and the possible excuse +for some one or more of the guests to become exhilarated--a _finale_, I +am grieved to say, that has happened on more than one occasion. + +At the stag dinner you should have your best man, your ushers, and +several of your friends. You can invite a married man or so, especially +if he is a very jolly fellow, and it is expected that some one or more +of your bride's relatives will be included. Twelve is a good number, +but, of course, never thirteen, because women are generally +superstitious, and should this become known to your future one it might +cause her great mental anxiety. + +The gloves, ties, and tie or scarf pins to be given to the best man and +ushers are placed in white boxes tied with white satin ribbon and put in +the outer room to be handed to each man as he bids adieu. Perhaps it +might be more prudent to place them at the covers, but it would hardly +be good form, as there would be in that case several of the guests +without favors. And, besides, a dinner with favors is not permissible +in these days. + +_Boutonnieres_ of lilies of the valley should be also placed at each +cover. The _menu_ cards should be simple but tasteful. Elaborate _menus_ +are not now in the best form. In fact, with a bachelor dinner, as with +all functions of this kind, elegant simplicity should be the +predominating characteristic; cut glass and silver are all that is +required. In the center of the table a basket, or, better, a silver +_jardiniere_ of roses, is the only floral decoration. During the course +of the dinner these flowers are removed and are sent to the bride-elect. +It is sometimes the custom--and a very pretty one--for each guest to +note a sentiment on a _menu_ card or simply his own name, and have that +sent also with the flowers. + +The dinner itself can, but need not be very elaborate. I do not like a +dinner of many courses. It is usual to serve sherry and whisky and +caviare sandwiches in the anteroom before dinner, and also to have +cigars and cigarettes galore there as well as at table, although it is +not permissible to smoke before the cheese is served. I would recommend +raw oysters, a clear soup, a bit of fish with sliced cucumber--an +attractive _entree_; a _fillet_ with vegetables, canvas-back duck, +cheese and salad, coffee, and fruit. + + +THE CEREMONY. + +On the morning of the wedding the bridegroom is called for in the hansom +or cab which has been ordered for himself and the best man. The best man +calls for him and takes him to the church. They should time their +movements so as to arrive at least five minutes before the hour +appointed for the ceremony. The same precaution should be observed if it +is a house wedding. + +At day weddings afternoon dress is _de rigueur_ for bridegroom, best +man, ushers, and all male guests. The bridegroom, best man, and ushers +should be dressed alike in frock coats and waistcoats to match, trousers +of dark gray striped, patent-leather shoes, gray suede gloves, white or +pearl-colored scarfs, and top hats. + +The English have allowed some latitude, and wear gray frock coats and +even colored shirts, but this fashion is not generally in vogue in +America. Evening weddings require formal evening dress. A wedding at +dusk in winter, where the bride wears traveling costume, calls for +afternoon dress on the part of the bridegroom. + +The bridegroom and best man alight at the vestry. They remain in the +back of the chancel until the first notes of the wedding march notify +them of the presence of the bride. The best man must see before the +ceremony that the bridegroom's top hat, as well as his own, is sent to +the entrance of the church to be handed to the respective owners on +their exit. + +When the bride, on the arm of her father or guardian, approaches the +altar, the bridegroom and best man walk out from the vestry, either +together or the best man in advance. In the latter case the best man +steps back at the chancel rail, and allows the bridegroom to pass before +him. The bridegroom stands on the right-hand side of the altar or +reading desk and the best man on his right. The bride is on the +bridegroom's left, and her father or guardian a little behind her on her +left. + +To avoid confusion, the ceremony is generally rehearsed an evening or +two before. Much depends on the liturgy of the communion to which the +couple belong. The best man has charge of the ring, and must produce it +and hand it to the clergyman at the time it is demanded. + +At the conclusion of the ceremony the best man precedes the bride and +bridegroom in the procession, escorting the maid of honor, unless the +_cortege_ has been differently arranged. In that case, he makes his way +either through the vestry or down one of the aisles to the church door, +where he superintends the filing away of the bridal carriages and party. +At the reception he goes in to breakfast with the maid of honor, or with +a near relative of the bride's family. He may use the bridegroom's +hansom from the church to the house, or he may go with one of the +family. There is no rule for this. The bride and bridegroom use the +bride's carriage. + +The best man is intrusted also with the paying of the clergyman. The +bridegroom will give him a check for this purpose. As already stated, he +also inserts the marriage notices in the newspapers, the funds for which +are also provided by the bridegroom. He pays his own personal expenses. + +The ushers meet in the church about an hour before the ceremony. The +bridegroom generally puts carriages at their disposal, but that is not +in the least obligatory. They can take hansoms or cabs, or for that +matter go to the rendezvous in the car or stage. The ushers stand at the +foot of the nave or aisle and busy themselves escorting guests to +seats. An usher offers his right arm to the lady he escorts up the +aisle. Even if a lady should be accompanied by her husband or escort, +the usher should offer her his arm, and the other man walks up behind +them. If an usher should not have had the formality of an introduction +to the lady he is showing to a seat, a bow and a smile when leaving her +is all that is necessary. An usher, being a friend of the family, knows +those who ought to go beyond the ribbon and those who are not relatives +or family connections. The bride's brothers, if they are ushers, take +care of the members of their family, and the intimate friends of the +bridegroom or his relations. The relatives of the bride are placed in +the front pews beyond the ribbon on the right-hand side of the altar, +and the bridegroom's on the left-hand side. At the arrival of the bridal +party the ushers get together and form in the back of the church for the +procession up the aisle or nave. Their meeting thus is the cue for the +sexton, who signals the organist, and the march is started. The ushers +advance up the aisle, two by two, until they reach the chancel, where +they divide on the right and on the left, allowing the bridesmaids to +pass before them, standing in a semicircle around the altar rails. If it +is a Roman Catholic wedding they genuflect as they reach the chancel. +They file down the aisle in the same order, heading the bridal +procession. At the carriage way they assist the bridesmaids in their +carriages, and by previous arrangement they are allotted to certain +carriages escorting the bridesmaids. + +_At the reception_ the bride and bridegroom take their places under a +wedding bell of flowers or in the front drawing room between the two +front windows, or, again, in the back drawing room. The house is +decorated with palms, potted plants, flowers, and other foliage. Pink +and white orchids, ferns, and chrysanthemums make very effective +decorations. The mother of the bride, or nearest female relative, stands +at the door of the drawing room and greets the guests. The ushers and +bridesmaids are scattered about the room. If there is only a reception, +then the guests, after exchanging greetings with the lady of the house, +pass on and shake hands with and congratulate the bridegroom and wish +the bride joy. Unless you are an intimate friend, do not attempt any set +speech. The bride will say, if she has not seen you for a short time +before the wedding, "I must thank you, Mr. Smith, for your beautiful +present," or something of that kind. If you do not know the bridegroom +she will present you to him. If you are a friend of the bridegroom he +will present you to the bride, and should say, if such is the case, +"Evangeline," or "May," or "Margaret," or otherwise; or "My dear, let me +present to you Mr. Algernon Smith, who, you remember, is one of my best +friends." And if Mrs. ---- has any tact, she will at once reply, "I am +so pleased to meet any of my husband's old friends, and I must thank +you, Mr. Smith, for the beautiful _bonbon_ dishes. They were just what I +wanted," or words to that effect. Then pass on. Refreshments are served +at a wedding reception from a buffet in the dining room. If you enter +with a lady, ask her what she would like, and get it for her. Then take +your own choice of refreshment, and stand or sit by her as the +accommodations of the room will permit. A half hour at a wedding +reception is sufficient. It is not good form to bid good-by to the bride +and bridegroom, but only to the lady of the house. + +If there is no chaperon--for instance, if the bride be a widow or +divorcee and is in her own home--then you must bid her good-by, but in +such cases large receptions are not given. + +There is always a breakfast or luncheon set for the bridal party, at +which the bride, escorted by the bridegroom, leads the way. The bride's +father, escorting the bridegroom's mother, the ushers and bridesmaids +and relatives follow. In this country we have no special law of +precedence, and these bridal luncheons are more or less informal. There +are no toasts. + +After breakfast the valet, should there be one, must be ready with the +bridegroom's valise, when his master retires to put on a tweed suit for +traveling; otherwise it can be laid out by one of the servants. With the +coachman on the box and amid the usual shower of rice and slippers, as +also the fusillade of a battery of eyes from neighbors' windows, and +perhaps a crowd of street urchins and admiring servants, the happy +couple start out on their wedding journey. I think it is better taste to +wait until dark, almost, so as to avoid all this unseemly publicity, and +I am averse to having the coachman and horses decked with white ribbons; +but, of course, one does not marry every day in the year, and these +little eccentricities are pardonable on such--shall I say?--an +"auspicious" occasion. + +At a home wedding, as has been said above, ushers are not necessary. The +same ceremonial is observed as at church, but due allowance must be +made for crowded quarters. Usually very few are asked to the ceremony, +but many to the reception afterward. As soon as the ceremony is over +congratulations are in order, the newly married couple standing under +the bell of flowers where they were married, and receiving the good +wishes of their friends. + +If a man marries abroad there are many annoying bits of red tape to be +considered. In London you are obliged to have a legal residence in the +parish where the ceremony is to be performed. In Paris a civil marriage +before the mayor of the district is necessary. Certificates of baptism +must be filed with him, and you must give proof of the legal consent of +both your parents as well as those of the bride. The religious ceremony +takes place twenty-four hours after the civil. It is strict etiquette +that the contracting parties do not see each other during this interim. + +The order of the wedding procession in France and on the Continent +differs vastly from that in England and America. There are neither +ushers nor a best man. If there are bridesmaids the groomsmen accompany +them. The bride enters on the arm of her father preceded by the +attendants, and the bridegroom follows, escorting his future +mother-in-law. A long procession of relatives brings up the rear. The +men, no matter at what time of the day the ceremony might take +place--and evening weddings are unknown--are in formal evening dress. + +Under the French law also no widow or divorcee can remarry until ten +months have elapsed since the dissolution of the previous contract. This +should not be forgotten by bachelors contemplating matrimony with either +one of these classes of eligibles. In Germany there are further +complications, and I would advise all citizens of the United States +contemplating matrimony there to consult the consul or minister at the +legation. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + +FUNERALS. + + +When a death occurs in the house all matters should at once be placed in +charge of a relative or a friend of the family. The family itself should +be kept away from every one as much as possible, and none of the sad +details left to them. They should not be seen until the day of the +funeral. Front windows should be shut, blinds and shades pulled down, +and the outer or storm door of the house closed. A servant is stationed +in the hall near the door, as on reception days, to receive the cards of +persons calling. All acquaintances who have been entertained at the +house leave cards in person, others may mail them. Only intimate friends +of the family are admitted to the house. + +Should you send flowers, do not purchase or order any set designs. They +are hideous--remind one of the tenement funerals, and are strikingly +inappropriate. A bunch of white roses or of violets is a beautiful +offering for a young woman, or two palms crossed, with violets or lilies +of the valley attached, for a man or an elderly person. These should be +accompanied by your card. If you have been an intimate friend, a few +words written--a short note of condolence--would not be amiss. To all of +these notes, and in acknowledgment of these offerings, one of the family +nearest the deceased in relationship should respond by sending their +card with the words, "Thank you for your kind sympathy," or something of +that sort, written upon it. + +As a rule, when the deceased is a young man who belongs to several clubs +or who has a numerous acquaintance, it is better to have the funeral +from a church. Pallbearers are chosen from among his intimate friends; a +relative never acts as pallbearer. It is not customary for any except +the nearest relatives to go to the cemetery. Ladies of the family do not +accompany the remains to the cemetery, and they frequently do not attend +the funeral services at the church if the deceased is a man. + +If the funeral services are held at the house the relatives and intimate +friends are invited into the back parlor, dining room, or upstairs, and +make their appearance only when the services begin. The undertaker +attends to seating people, arranging the rooms, etc. + +There is only one proper dress for a man to wear at a funeral. It should +consist of black frock coat, dark trousers, dark scarf and gloves (gray +or dark tan, but not black, unless you are a relative), and top hat. +Should you be a relative or a pallbearer, wear a black weed on your hat. + +As to periods of mourning, there seems to be some little difference of +opinion in New York. Ward McAllister treated the subject in quite an +exhaustive manner, advocating short mourning terms even for the nearest +relatives. For a wife eighteen months is considered the proper thing; +for a parent, twelve to eighteen months, sometimes two years; for a +brother or a sister, one year; and for a grandparent, six months. A +maternal or paternal uncle or aunt is entitled to about two months or +less, according to the intimacy which has existed between the families. +Seclusion from society is generally consonant with mourning for near +relatives. However, people now go to the theater and small dinners and +teas after nine months of mourning for the very nearest relatives. + +It is not necessary for a man to shroud himself in black. A silk hat +with a crape band nearly to the top should be worn by widowers during +the first year of their widowerhood; but black shirt studs, black sleeve +buttons, handkerchiefs bordered with black, and the other abominations +in which the grief-stricken Frenchman arrays himself are not tolerated +in this country. In deep mourning one can wear black ties and black +gloves, but a white linen tie in summer is permissible. I do not +advocate the use of black scarf pins. A black band on the sleeve of a +gray suit is also another affectation which should be avoided. Cards +should be left after a funeral. + +There is no code of etiquette established as yet for divorce. Second +marriages should be as quiet as possible. This advice is given to +bachelors who are contemplating matrimony with divorcees. + + +GENERAL ADVICE FOR UNCLASSIFIED OCCASIONS. + +If you are chosen godfather, you are expected to send a silver mug to +your godchild. Christening parties are held about four in the afternoon. +Afternoon dress is required. + +When giving a dinner or any entertainment at a certain well-known New +York restaurant do not refer to it as "Del's." This is an earmark of +vulgarity. + +When speaking of the city of New York do not refer to it as "Gotham." +This shows the worst kind of provincialism and a vulgar spirit. + +Even should your friends be among the most exclusive and fashionable in +any place, they are never "swells," nor do they belong to the "Four +Hundred." The latter term was once used by a gentleman to designate the +probable list of people who were to entertain in New York that season, +and has no bearing whatever upon the question of social limit. + +If you send flowers never have them arranged in set designs. Fair +voyagers will thank you much more if you send fruit, sweets, or books, +as flowers on shipboard or railroad trains are nuisances. Books, sweets, +and flowers are the only gifts which a bachelor can offer or a woman +accept from him. + +The terms "lady" and "gentleman" are distinctive. Your friends and +acquaintances are all supposed to be ladies and gentlemen. To +distinguish them as such implies a doubt. Should you call at a house you +ask if the "ladies" are in, so as to distinguish them from the other +females in the household. You also toast the "ladies." In referring to +the gentler sex, it is more complimentary to speak of them as "women." +You would say, "She is a clever woman," not a "clever lady." The person +who speaks of "a lady or a gentleman friend" has a defined social +position--on the Bowery. + +Avoid slang, especially that of the music halls or the comic (?) +newspapers. You can well afford not to be "up to date." + +In greeting a person say "Good morning," "Good afternoon," or "Good +evening," but refrain from such inane phrases as "Delighted, I'm sure." +On introduction or presentation, it is sufficient to say "I am delighted +to meet you." Avoid also the "How d'y do?" "How are you?" "Very well, I +thank you." All this is idiotic. + +Whistle all you like in your bedroom, but not in public. + +Gentlefolk have "friends" stopping with them, never "company." Servants +have and keep "company." + +When you refer to wine it means any kind of vintage, and not necessarily +champagne. Therefore beware of the "gentleman who opens wine," or the +one who gives a "wine party," whatever that may mean. We speak of a +dinner, but not of a dinner party. A party to the play, no matter where +the location of the places may be, is never a "box party." + +Do not be a professed jester nor yet a punster. The clowns of society +are not enviable beings. + +When speaking of a fashionable woman do not refer to her as a "society +woman." That would imply that she belongs to various societies or +guilds, which is not probably the impression you desire to convey. + +When a person has a predilection for the use of the word "elegant," and +especially when it is employed in the sense of beautiful, good, +charming, or delightful, you are quite just in your estimation of his or +her vulgarity. + +Answers to questions should be given in the direct affirmative or the +direct negative. "All right" is not, to say the least, civil, and is +ill-bred. + +Never exhibit your accomplishments, unless "by special request," in the +public parlors of hotels, or saloons of ships, or other places of +general gathering. The persons who sing and play the piano and make +themselves bores are as reprehensible as the window opening and shutting +fiends, the fidgety travelers, the loud-voiced and constant complaining, +all of whom are most obnoxious. + +Under great provocation the expletive "damn" is tolerated by society, +but it should be whispered and not pronounced aloud. The man who swears +is certainly beyond the pale, and the one who uses silly and senseless +exclamations is not far away from him. One of the marks of a gentleman +is his complete mastery of himself under the most trying and aggravating +circumstances. + +These are but few of the many "don'ts" which it seems necessary to +repeat in works of this kind. For a more extended catalogue of social +and grammatical sins, the reader is referred to that excellent book The +Verbalist, by Alfred Ayres, and the clever little _brochure_ Don't. A +careful study of these will assist him much in reviewing elementary +questions, the knowledge of which was taken for granted by the author of +the Complete Bachelor. + + + + +INDEX. + +ACCEPTANCE, invitations, 46-48. +Admission to clubs, rules for, 127-129. +Admission, visitors to clubs, 131, 132. +Advice, general, for unclassified occasions, 195, 196. +Afternoon calls, etiquette of, 43-45. +Afternoon dress, when worn, 12, 13. +Afternoon tea, 45. +Afternoon wedding, 184, 185. +Aisle, church and theater, going up, 5. +Almonds, salted, 69. +Alpine hats, 28. +Amateur accomplishments, 199. +Announcement cards, 176. +Announcement, engagement, method of, 169. +Answers, Assembly and Patriarchs, 48. +Answers, ball invitations, 48. +Answers, committee invitations, 48. +Answers, dinner invitations, 48. +Answers, form of, 46-48. +Answers, general, 48. +Artichokes, method of eating, 70. +Asparagus, method of eating, 70. +Assembly balls, etiquette of, 48, 105-110. + +BACHELOR.--For all functions with this title, see various heads of + chapters. +Bachelor's farewell dinner, 181-184. +Badminton, 148. +Bag, shoe, 30. +Bag, traveling, what to take on a visit from Friday to Monday, 91-93. +Bag, traveling, voyage long, 160, 161. +Ball, Assembly, 105-110. +Ball, Charity, 103. +Ball, general etiquette of, 48, 102-110. +Ball, Inauguration, 104. +Ball, public, 48, 103, 104. +Ball, supper at, 110, 111. +Bath, bachelor's, 17, 18. +Bathing, 156. +Bath, Turkish, 22. +Beard, care of, 19. +Best man, dress for, 184. +Best man, etiquette for, 180-182, 184-187. +Bicycling, 144, 145. +Billiards, 157, 158. +Boating, 156. +Bolting food, 62. +Boots, 12, 13, 28-30, 37. +Boots, care of, 28-30. +Boots, riding, 142. +Boots, russet, 13, 42, 147, 155. +Bowing, etiquette of, 2-6, 9. +Bowling, 147. +Bridegroom, 178-180. +Bridegroom, dress of, 184. +Bridegroom, expenses of, 177, 178. +Bridegroom, presents to bride and wedding party, 179, 180. +Brushes, 19-26, 28-31. +Brushes, clothes, 25, 26, 28-31. +Brushes, hair, 19, 22. +Brushes, hat, 28. +Brushes, nail, 22. +Brushes, tooth, 20. +Butler, duties of, 100. +Butter, when served, 66. + +CABS, London and Paris, 164, 165. +Cabs, ushers and best men, 184, 186. +Calls, afternoon, 43-46. +Calls, balls and dances, 45. +Calls, condolence, 45, 193. +Calls, dinner, 45. +Calls, evening, 43, 46. +Calls, general etiquette of, 43-46, 106, 193. +Calls, opera and theater, 45, 46. +Calls, period in which to be made, 45. +Card cases, 50. +Card parties, 55. +Cards, announcement, 176, 177. +Cards, condolence, 50, 195. +Cards, etiquette of leaving, 52, 53. +Cards, etiquette of playing, 159. +Cards, etiquette of visiting, 49-53, 106, 193. +Cards, how many to leave, 51. +Cards, leaving in person, 50, 51. +Cards, mailing, 50. +Cards, wedding, 174-176. +Carriage, etiquette of, 4, 139. +Cars, etiquette in street, 4, 8, 9. +Carving, 65. +Ceremony, wedding, 184, 185. +Chafed faces, how to prevent, 19. +Chafing-dish suppers, 78. +Chains, watch, 16. +Champagne, 71, 77, 78, 81. +Changing clothes, 23, 24. +Chaperones, 76, 79, 82, 87, 109. +Cheating at games, 154. +Christening, etiquette of, 196. +Church, aisles, going up, 5. +Church, ceremony at weddings, 184, 185. +Churches, foreign, 166. +Claret, 71. +Cleaning clothes, 31. +Clergy, addressing, manner of, 122, 168. +Closets, clothes put in, 26. +Clothes, care of, 24-31. +Clothes, cost of, 32-42. +Clothes, folding and brushing, 24-31. +Clothes, overhauling, 30. +Clothes, packing and putting away, 30, 31, 91-93. +Clothes, removing and changing, 23-27. +Clothes, removing grease stains from, 31. +Clowns of society, 199. +Club, admission of visitors, 131, 132. +Club, admission to, 128-130. +Club, bowing from, window, 134. +Club, elections to membership, 128-130. +Clubs, etiquette of, 126-136. +Club, pipe smoking at, 133. +Club servants, 134. +Club, treating at, 134. +Club, wearing hat at, 133. +Club, where ladies are admitted, 135. +Coaching, 143, 144. +Coaching, dress for, 144. +Coachman, dress or and livery, 98. +Coachman, duties of, 98. +Coat of arms, 121. +Coats, care, folding, and keeping of, 24-26. +Coats, cost of, 33-36, 38. +Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, 15, 35. +Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, cost of, 35. +Coats, dress or evening, when to wear, 13, 56, 164-167, 186. +Coats, frock, cost of, 38. +Coats, frock, when to wear, 12, 13, 186, 187, 195. +Coats, frock, colored, 13. +Coats, lounge or sack, 10-12. +Coffee, black, when served, 73. +"Company," 198. +Condolence, letters of, 125. +Congratulation, letters of, 125. +Corn, eating on cob, 72. +Correspondence, etiquette of business, 120-123. +Correspondence, etiquette of friendly, 119-121, 124. +Cotillon, etiquette of, 112-118. +Cotillon, figures of, 116-118. +Cotillon, form of, 112-115. +Cotillon, leading a, 113-115. +Country house, entertaining by bachelor, 86-89. +Country house, etiquette at, 85-93. +Country house, furnishing of, 88. +Country house, tipping servants at, 90. +Country house, visits at, 88-90. +Crests, use of, 121. +Crossing legs in public, 8. +Crossing streets, 1, 2. +Cucumbers, how served and eaten, 69. +Customhouse, French and English, 166, 167. + +"Damn," when it may be excused, 200. +Dance card, not used in New York, 108. +Dance, etiquette of, 102-118. +Dance, forms of, 109, 114-118. +Dance, manner of asking to, 108. +Dances, bachelor, 82. +Dances, dinner, 60. +Dances, invitations to, 48. +"Del's," 197. +Diamonds, 16. +Dinner, bachelor farewell, 161, 162. +Dinner, bachelor host at home, 77, 78. +Dinner, bachelor host at restaurant, 83. +Dinner coat, when worn, 15. +Dinner dance, 60. +Dinner, general etiquette of, 46, 47, 54-74, 77, 78, 82, 83, 161, 162. +Dinner, serving at, 78, 100. +Don'ts of table etiquette, 62-65. +Dress, afternoon, 13. +Dress, afternoon wedding, 179, 185, 187. +Dress, bachelor's, for all times, 13-16. +Dress, badminton, 148. +Dress, bathing, 156. +Dress, boating, 156. +Dress, bowling, 157. +Dress, butler, 101. +Dress, coaching, 138. +Dress, coachman, 98. +Dress, driving and coaching, 138. +Dress, evening, 13-15, 32-35, 56, 156, 164, 166, 167. +Dress, evening, formal, 13, 14. +Dress, evening, informal, 15. +Dress, evening wedding, 187. +Dress, foreign, morning and evening functions, 164, 166, 167. +Dress, funeral, 195. +Dress, golf, 154. +Dress, groom, 96, 97. +Dress, morning or lounge, 11, 12. +Dress, polo, 148. +Dress, riding, 142. +Dress, riding to hounds, 142. +Dress, shipboard, 161, 162. +Dress, shooting, 146. +Dress, skating, 148. +Dress, tennis, 156. +Dress, theaters, London and Paris, 166. +Dress, traveling, 160. +Dress, valet, 99, 100. +Dress, wheeling, 145. +Dress, yachting, 149, 152. +Drinking with mouth full, 63. + +Eggs, eaten from shell, 66. +Elevator, etiquette of, 5. +Engagements, announcement, 169, 170. +Engagements, etiquette of, 169, 171. +Engagements, presents during, 171. +Engagement ring, 170. +Entrees, manner of serving, 69. +Envelopes and stationery, proper form of, 120, 122, 123. +Envelopes, sealing, 122, 123. +Escorts, 5, 9. +Esquire, when used, 121. +Expenses, wedding, who pays, 177. +Eye, bath for, 19. + +Fares, paying, 9. +Fees, foreign countries, 163-165. +Feet, care of, 21. +Fish, manner of eating, 69. +Flask, brandy, 161. +Flowers, sending, 171, 194, 198. +Foreign etiquette, 162, 164. +Foreign marriages, 191, 192. +"Four hundred," 197. +French titles, 168. +Frock coats, 12, 13, 38, 184, 195. +Fruit, manner of eating, 71, 72. + +Gifts, when engaged, 171. +Golf, dress for, 155. +Golf, etiquette of, 153, 154. +Gotham, 197. +Grace at meals, 58. +Grape fruit, 67. +Grease, removal of, 31. +Greetings, 198. +Groom, dress of, 96, 97. +Groom, duties of, 96-98. + +Hairbrushes, 22. +Hair, care of, 21. +Handkerchiefs, pocket, 14, 27. +Hands, care of, 20. +Hands on table, 64. +Hat, care of, 28. +Hat, Derby, when worn, 11. +Hat, Hombourg or Alpine, when worn, 11. +Hat, opera or crush, 13. +Hat, straw, 15. +Hat, top or silk, 13, 14. +Hoisting colors, 150, 151. +Hounds, riding to, 142. + +Introducing men to women, 41. +Introduction, letters of, 45. +Introductions, etiquette of, 41, 42. +Introductions, formal, 41. +Introductions, general, 41. +Introductions in street not good form, 42. +Introductions, when and when not made, 41, 42. +Invitation, ball, 48, 103. +Invitation, dance, 48. +Invitation, dinner, 46, 47. +Invitation, luncheon, 54, 76. +Invitation, wedding, 172-176. +Invitations, various forms of, 46-48, 54, 76, 172-176. +Inauguration Ball, 104. + +Jacket, dinner or Tuxedo coat, 15, 34, 35. +Jewelry, use of, 16. + +Ladies annex to clubs, 135. +"Lady and gentleman," when used, 198. +Lancers, 109. +Legs, crossing, 8. +Letters, a bachelor's, 119-126. +Letters, addressing, 121-123. +Letters, business, 122, 124. +Letters, condolence, 125. +Letters, congratulation, 125. +Letters, club, paper written on, 124. +Letters, destroying old, 120. +Letters, friendly, 122. +Letters, hotel or business paper, written on, 124. +Letters of introduction, 45. +Letters, sealing, 123. +Letters, stamping, 123. +Lifting hat, occasions for, 2-7. +Lift or elevators, etiquette of, 5. +Liqueurs, 73. +London, cab and hotel fees, 165, 166. +London, general traveling etiquette, 165, 166. +Luncheon dishes, 66. +Luncheons, 54-56, 66, 74, 76, 77. +Luncheons, bachelor, 76, 77. +Lunch, quick, 64. + +Macaroni, 72. +Mailing cards, 51. +Manners, code of table, 64-73. +Marriage announcements, 176. +Marriage ceremony, 178. +Marriages, formalities at foreign, 192. +Men servants, 94-101. +Menus, 67, 77, 78, 81, 111, 183. +Ministers fees, by whom paid, 186. +Morning bath, 17. +Morning or lounge suit, 11, 12. +"Mr." and "Esq.," when to use, 121. +Mushrooms, how to eat, 70. + +Nailbrushes, 20. +Nails, 20. +Napkin, proper use of, 63. +Nervous people at table, 63. +Nobility, addressing, 167, 168. + +Omnibus, Paris and London, 166. +Olives, how to eat, 69. +Opera or crush hat, 14, 39. +Opera or theater calls, 45. +Opera, visits between the acts, 80. +Overcoats, 14-16, 25. +Overcoats, Chesterfield and covert, 14-16. +Overhauling clothes, 30. +Oysters, 68. +Oyster cocktails, 68. + +Paper, note, correct kind, 120. +Paris cabs, 165. +Paris, etiquette for strangers, 164-166. +Paris theaters, 166. +Park suits, 13. +Patriarchs' Ball, 105-111. +Picnics, 85-87. +Pipe smoking, 7, 133. +Pope, audience with, 166. +Pourboires, 165. +Programme at London theaters, 164. + +Queen, how to address, 166. +Quick lunch, 62. + +Radishes, when served, 67. +Reception, wedding, 188. +Removing grease, 31. +Restaurant, bachelor dinner and luncheon at, 80-83. +Restaurants, etiquette of, 5, 6. +Riding, 140, 141. +Riding to hounds, 142. +Ring, engagement, 169, 170. + +Sack suits, 12. +Salad, 71. +Salt and pepper, individual, 75. +Savories, 71. +Scarves, 16. +Scotch whisky, 73. +Sea, costume at, 161, 162. +Sealing letters, 123. +Seat, giving one's, in car or ferry, 8, 9. +Second helping, 65. +Servants, a bachelor's, 94-101. +Servants, club, 132, 134. +Servants, general duties of, 94, 95. +Shaven, clean, servants, 94, 95. +Shaving, 18, 19. +Shawl straps, 161. +Sherry, 69. +Ship, etiquette on board, 160-162. +Ship, sending flowers to, 198. +Shirts, 11-14, 24, 32, 35, 37. +Shirts, colored, 12, 37. +Shoe bag, 30. +Shoes and boots, care of, 28, 29. +Shoes, black leather, 12. +Shoes, cost of, 36. +Shoes, general information about, 12, 14, 28, 29, 37, 38. +Shoes, patent leather, 12, 14, 28, 29. +Shoes, russet, 12, 29, 145, 155, 162. +Shooting, 146. +Shops, etiquette of, 4. +Signatures to letters, 121. +Smoking, 7, 133. +Smoking in street, 7. +Smoking, pipe, 7, 133. +Slang, use of, 198. +"Society lady," 199. +Soup, 68. +Sporting bachelor, 136-160. +Stages, etiquette of, 4, 8. +Stairways, etiquette of, 6, 7. +Stamping letters, 123. +Stamp, use of club, 123. +Standing, in presence of women, 6, 8. +Staring at women, 8. +Stationery, business and hotel, 124. +Stationery, club, 124, 134. +Stationery, proper to use, 120, 124. +Stopping acquaintances in street, 4. +Strawberries, 72. +Street, crossing, with lady, 1. +Street, etiquette of, 1-9. +Street, introductions on, 42. +Street, smoking in, 7. +Stick, proper method of holding, 7. +Style of walking, proper, 7. +Supper, ball and dance, 110, 111. +Supper, chafing-dish, 78. +Supper, given by a bachelor, 78, 81, 83, 84. +Supper, restaurant, 78, 81, 82. +Supper, suggestions for menu, 78, 81, 82. +Swearing, caution against, 198. + +Table, carving at, 65. +Table manners, 62-74. +Table, setting and arrangement of, 75, 76. +Tea, afternoon, etiquette of, 45. +Teeth, care of, 19, 20. +Tennis, etiquette of, 148. +Terrapin, how to eat and serve, 70. +Theater aisle, walking down, 5. +Theater and opera, calls at, 45, 46. +Theater clubs, 82. +Theater, etiquette at, 3-5, 8, 45, 46, 78-80, 82. +Theater parties, 78-82. +Theaters, etiquette at foreign, 162, 163. +Third person, addressing people in, 122. +Ties and scarfs, 11, 12, 14, 16, 35, 179, 184. +Ties, men's, cost of, 35. +Ties, presentation of, to best man and ushers, 179. +Tips and tipping, 90, 132, 165, 166. +Titles, foreign, 167, 168. +Toasts at dinner, 64. +Toothbrushes, care of, 20. +Tooth washes, 19, 20. +Toilet articles, care of, 22. +Toilet, bachelor's, 17-24. +Tonic for hair, 21. +Towels for bath, 18. +Traveling, etiquette of, abroad, 161-163. +Traveling, etiquette of, in America, 160-162. +Trousers, care of, 26, 27. +Trousers, folding, 26. +Trousers, white duck and flannel, 12. +Trunk, or bag, packed for Friday to Monday visit, 89. +Trunks, how to pack, 160. +Trunks, traveling with, 161. +Turkish baths, 22. +Tuxedo coat, when to wear, 15. + +Umbrella, how to carry, 7. +Usher, dress of, 184. +Ushers, duties of, at wedding, 186, 187. + +Valet, dress of, 99, 100. +Valet, duties of, 98-100. +Visiting cards, 49-53. +Visiting cards, leaving, mailing, sending, 51-53. +Visiting cards, style of, 49, 50. +Visiting, country house, 85-93. +Visiting, fashionable time for, in New York, 43. +Visitors at clubs, 131, 132. +Von, use of title, 168. + +Walking, etiquette of, 1-8. +Walking, proper style of, 7. +Waltzing, 109. +Wedding, announcement, cards, 176. +Wedding, church, 184-186. +Wedding etiquette, 172-193. +Wedding expenses, 177. +Wedding, house, 188. +Wedding, hour fashionable for, 172. +Wedding receptions, 188, 189. +Weddings, divorcee's and widow's, 176, 192. +Weddings, English and French, 144, 145. +Wheeling, etiquette of, 144, 145. +Wheeling, proper dress for, 145. +Whisky, Scotch, 73. + +Yachting, club rules for, cruise, 149-151. +Yachting, etiquette of, 148-152. +Yachting, proper dress for, 149. +Yachting, proper uniform for officers and crew, 152. + + +THE END. + + + + +[Transcriber's Note: The following typographical errors from the +original edition have been corrected. No other corrections have been +made to the original text. In addition, page references in the index +contain numerous minor and several major inaccuracies. In most cases, +the HTML version links to the nearest relevant section; in one case, no +link has been provided. + +In Chapter II, "Evening dress is _de rigeur_" has been changed to +"Evening dress is _de rigueur_". + +In Chapter VII, "conveyed thereform in carriages" has been changed to +"conveyed therefrom in carriages". + +In Chapter VIII, "Chatreuse, kuemmel, curacoa, and cognac" has been +changed to "Chartreuse, kuemmel, curacoa, and cognac". + +In Chapter XIX, "carriages for the cortege" has been changed to +"carriages for the cortege", "unless the cortege has been differently +arranged" has been changed to "unless the cortege has been differently +arranged", and "the intimate friends of the bridegroom of his relations" +has been changed to "the intimate friends of the bridegroom or his +relations". + +In Chapter XX, a missing quotation mark has been added at the end of the +sentence "Servants have and keep 'company.'"] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COMPLETE BACHELOR *** + +***** This file should be named 25950.txt or 25950.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/5/9/5/25950/ + +Produced by Steven desJardins and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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