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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Complete Bachelor
+       Manners for Men
+
+Author: Walter Germain
+
+Release Date: July 2, 2008 [EBook #25950]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COMPLETE BACHELOR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Steven desJardins and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+The Complete Bachelor
+
+Manners for Men
+
+By the Author of the
+"As Seen by Him" Papers
+
+With Index
+
+[Illustration: Publisher's logo]
+
+New York
+D. Appleton and Company
+
+1896
+
+
+
+
+COPYRIGHT, 1896,
+BY D. APPLETON AND COMPANY.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+I suppose a book of this character needs some excuse. The world is full
+of volumes written on etiquette, and, in adding another to the number,
+my plea for filling the want long felt may seem ridiculous. But I have
+an excellent reason, and that is, that in all treatises of this
+character I have found the bachelor sadly neglected.
+
+For many years, while conducting the query or "agony department" in
+Vogue, I received letters from all parts of the United States asking for
+information on certain details of etiquette which seem to have been
+overlooked by the compilers or writers of etiquette manuals. My
+correspondents always wanted these questions answered from the New York
+standpoint. All this I have endeavored to do in this volume. I have
+devoted a chapter to sports. In this I have made no attempt to give the
+rules of the various pastimes therein enumerated. I have simply jotted
+down some points which I hope may be of use to the outsider.
+
+In the chapter on dancing I have taken the Patriarchs' Ball in New York
+as my standard of subscription entertainments of this character. I have
+also written about cotillons as they are conducted in New York. I have
+endeavored to be plain and lucid. I only desired that this book should
+be a help to my reader in any dilemma of social import, and if I shall
+have proved of assistance, I shall feel that my mission has been
+accomplished, and that I have reached the goal of my ambition.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+CHAPTER                                                 PAGE
+      I.    THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC                         1
+     II.    HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS                   10
+    III.    THE BACHELOR'S TOILET                         17
+     IV.    THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES              24
+      V.    INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS         41
+     VI.    CARDS                                         49
+    VII.    THE DINER-OUT                                 54
+   VIII.    A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS                       62
+     IX.    THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST                     74
+      X.    THE COUNTRY HOUSE                             85
+     XI.    A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS                         94
+    XII.    THE DANCE                                    102
+   XIII.    THE COTILLON                                 112
+    XIV.    A BACHELOR'S LETTERS                         119
+     XV.    THE BACHELOR'S CLUB                          126
+    XVI.    THE SPORTING BACHELOR                        136
+   XVII.    A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD      160
+  XVIII.    THE ENGAGED BACHELOR                         169
+    XIX.    THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING                       172
+     XX.    FUNERALS                                     193
+
+
+
+
+THE COMPLETE BACHELOR.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC.
+
+
+The average man is judged by his appearance and his deportment in
+public. His dress, his bearing, his conduct toward women and his
+fellow-men, are telling characteristics.
+
+In the street, when walking with a woman--the term "lady" being
+objectionable, except in case of distinction--every man should be on his
+mettle. Common sense, which is the basis of all etiquette, teaches him
+that he should be her protector. Therefore, under general circumstances,
+his place is on the street or outer side. Should there be a crowd on the
+inner side, should the walking be muddy or rough, or should there be a
+building in process of repair, or one or the other of the inconveniences
+of city life, then the man should take the side which will enable him to
+shield his fair companion from all annoyance. At night a man offers his
+arm to a woman. In the daytime etiquette allows this only when the
+sidewalk is very rough, when there are steps to climb, a crowd to be
+piloted through, or a street crossing to effect. In any one of these
+emergencies suggest, "I think you will find it better to take my arm." A
+man never walks bodkin--that is, sandwiched between two women.
+
+It is the privilege of a woman to bow first. She may have reasons why
+she should not wish to continue an acquaintance, and a man should never
+take the initiative. Abroad, in many countries, the man bows first. When
+old friends meet, however, the bowing is simultaneous.
+
+A man lifts his hat in acknowledgment of any salutation made to the
+woman with whom he is walking. It is his place, on such an occasion, to
+bow to a man friend, whether the latter enjoys or does not have the
+pleasure of the acquaintance of the woman. A man's failure to do this
+signifies that the woman does not wish to know him, or that her
+companion does not wish her to know the other man.
+
+Hotel corridors and halls may be classed as semi-public places. A man
+meeting a woman in one of these, where by custom he is permitted to
+keep on his hat, must step aside and let her pass, raising his hat as he
+does so. This does not apply to theater corridors, theater or hotel
+lobbies, or offices. In such houses as the Waldorf in New York, where
+the hall is utilized as a general sitting room by both sexes, it is not
+good form for a man to keep on his hat. In London, however, the rule is
+not as strict.
+
+Men in this country do not lift their hats to one another, except when
+they are introduced in the open or a public place. Civility is never
+wasted, and it is proper, as well as an act of reverence, to thus salute
+a clergyman or a venerable and distinguished gentleman.
+
+A man always lifts his hat when offering a woman a service, such as
+picking up or restoring to her a dropped pocket handkerchief or other
+article, or when passing a fare in a public conveyance, or when
+rendering any trifling assistance. Should she be with a male escort, the
+latter should raise his hat and thank the person who has rendered the
+service. This bit of politeness is under no circumstances the prelude to
+an acquaintance with an unescorted woman, and no gentleman would take
+advantage of it. A man always raises his hat and remains uncovered when
+talking to a woman.
+
+It is not good form to stop a woman on the street, even if the exchange
+of a few commonplace remarks be the excuse. A man never joins a woman on
+a thoroughfare unless she be one from whose friendship he is sure that
+he can claim this privilege.
+
+A gentleman always assists a woman in and out of a carriage or a public
+conveyance. He opens the door of the vehicle for her, helps her in by a
+deft motion of the right arm, and with his left protects her skirts from
+any possible mud or dust on the wheel. As he leaves her he closes the
+door, and, if it be a private conveyance, gives directions to the
+driver. He lifts his hat in bidding her good-by. Even when there is a
+footman, a second man, or an attendant, it should be esteemed a favor to
+give this assistance.
+
+In entering shops, theaters, or other buildings, where there are
+swinging doors, the escort goes ahead and holds one of them ajar,
+passing in last. A woman always precedes a man, except in one or two
+special cases. A man precedes a woman walking down the aisle of a
+theater, and it is better form that he should take the inside seat,
+especially if there is a man occupying the place next to the vacant
+one. A man precedes a woman up a narrow staircase in a public building,
+but in a private house, in ascending or descending a stairway, he should
+always allow the woman to precede him. In entering a theater box a man
+follows the usher, preceding the woman down the theater corridor to the
+door of the box. He then holds this open, and the women precede him, he
+following them. In a church, in going down a narrow aisle, the woman
+precedes the man.
+
+The lift or elevator, as well as the corridors and lobbies of a public
+building, the office of a hotel, and the vestibule of a theater, are
+public highways. In these places a man keeps on his hat, his deportment
+being the same as he would observe in the street. But when the lift or
+elevator is fitted up as a drawing room, such as is used in hotels and
+other semi-public buildings, a man removes his hat when the other sex is
+of the number of its passengers.
+
+When escorting a woman to a house where she is to make a visit, always
+mount the stoop or steps with her, ring the bell, and remain there until
+the servant comes to the door. Then, if you are not going in, take off
+your hat and leave her. Restaurants, the dining rooms of hotels, roof
+gardens, and places of amusement in the open air, where refreshments are
+served, are semi-public.
+
+A man always rises from the table at which he is sitting when a woman
+bows to him and immediately returns the salutation. Should the place be
+in the open, he doffs his hat, which under such circumstances he is
+obliged to wear. When he is in a party and a lady and her escort chance
+to stop at his table to exchange greetings with his friends, he should
+rise and remain standing during the conversation. If a man is introduced
+to him, unattended by a woman, and he is with a stag party, politeness
+bids him also rise.
+
+A gentleman will never be seen in public with characters whom he could
+not introduce to his mother or his sister. A man when he is with a lady
+should be very careful, especially at roof gardens and such places in
+midsummer, about recognizing male acquaintances who seem to be in rather
+doubtful company.
+
+In walking, a man should carry either a stick or a well-rolled umbrella.
+The stick should be grasped just below the crook or knob, but the
+ferrule must be kept downward. In business hours or on business
+thoroughfares to carry a stick is an affectation, but the man of
+leisure is regarded leniently in these abodes as a privileged character.
+
+The umbrella is an instrument of peace rather than a weapon of war, and
+should not be carried as "trailed arms," but like the stick it should be
+grasped a short distance below the handle, and the latter held almost
+upright on a very slight perpendicular.
+
+In the presence of ladies, unless by special permission, a gentleman
+never smokes, and under no circumstances does he indulge in a weed while
+on the street or walking with them. If, while smoking, a man should meet
+a woman and there should be any stopping to talk, he must at once throw
+away his cigar or his cigarette. A pipe is never smoked on fashionable
+promenades, and a man in a top hat and a frock coat with a pipe in his
+mouth is an anomaly. The pipe accompanies tweeds and a "pot" hat in the
+country or on business thoroughfares. A meerschaum or a wooden pipe is
+then allowable, but never a clay or a dudeen. The cuspidor is a banished
+instrument. The filthy custom of tobacco chewing and consequent
+expectoration can not be tolerated in civilized society.
+
+A gentleman is never hurried, nor does he loiter. The fashionable gait
+is comparatively slow, with long steps. The exaggerated stride of the
+Anglomaniac is as bad form as the swagger of the Bowery "tough." The
+correct demeanor is without gesture or apparent effort.
+
+Staring at or ogling women, standing at the entrances of theaters,
+churches, or other public buildings, stopping still and turning back to
+look at some one or something in the street, can be classified as
+offenses of which no gentleman can be guilty.
+
+Free and easy attitudes are not tolerated in good society, and this same
+rule should apply to public conveyances. As the man who crosses his legs
+in the presence of ladies is absolutely impossible, so should be the
+individual who commits the same crime in a public conveyance. He not
+only proves a nuisance to those around him, but he is a source of damage
+as well as danger to the comfort and safety of his fellow-passengers.
+
+In a crowded car, ferryboat, or stage, it is yet a mooted question as to
+whether or not a man should give up his seat to a woman. In theory he
+should, but there are circumstances under which he may be pardoned. To a
+refined or delicate lady, to an old or an enfeebled woman, or one
+burdened with bundles or with a baby in the arms, the answer to this
+should be a decided affirmative. In the South, this gallant action is
+universally practiced, except when the woman is a negress. In public
+conveyances a man should sit to the right of a woman.
+
+An escort should pay all fares in public conveyances, and should look
+after the comfort and welfare of his companion, taking entire charge of
+tickets, luggage, and luggage checks. Should a woman insist upon paying
+her _pro rata_ of the expenses the arrangement can be made before
+starting, many sensible women handing their escorts their purses for the
+purpose. Do not offer to pay the fare of any of your women friends who
+might possibly enter your train or stage. This is embarrassing and not
+necessary. A railway car or carriage being a public conveyance, a man
+always keeps on his hat, as he also does in a cab or any other vehicle
+in which he is driving, accompanied or not accompanied by one of the
+opposite sex.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS.
+
+
+There are three rules of dress which, for the ordinary man in his
+everyday life, might be resolved into two. These originally are morning,
+afternoon, and evening. Morning and evening are absolutely necessary;
+afternoon dress is donned on special occasions only.
+
+_Morning dress_ is that which is worn during business hours or at any
+time in any place, where semiformal dress is not required until
+candlelight or seven o'clock in the evening. It consists usually in
+winter of a lounge or single-breasted sack suit made of many different
+kinds of material, the favorites being Scotch tweeds or black and blue
+cheviots, rough-faced and smooth. Fashions are liable to some variation
+season after season, and the general rule can only be laid down in a
+book of this kind.
+
+With the morning or lounge dress in winter is worn the Derby or
+soft-felt Alpine hat, called the Hombourg. The Derbies are black, brown,
+or drab, and the felts are gray, brown, drab, or black. The colored
+shirt with white standing or turned-down collar is the usual
+accompaniment to the lounge suit. The fashion for colored shirts in
+stripes has been that the patterns run up and down and not across the
+bosom. The tie is a four-in-hand or an Ascot, or a simple bow, the boots
+black leather or dark-brown russet, and the gloves of tan or gray
+undressed kid or of dogskin. For ordinary business wear, suits of black
+or gray mixed cheviot, vicuña or worsted, or fancy Scotch goods, the
+coat of which is a "cutaway," are also popular; but the black diagonal
+"cutaway" has passed entirely out of fashion, and is utilized at present
+in riding costume.
+
+The lounge suit in summer is of blue flannel or very light cheviot or
+tweed. Straw hats are worn in place of Derbies and felts. Fashion
+sometimes dictates fancy waistcoats of linen to be worn with business
+suits; otherwise the entire costume--trousers, coat, and waistcoat--is
+of the same material.
+
+In the country, at the seaside, or in communities where golf, wheeling,
+tennis, yachting or other sports and pastimes are the order of the day,
+the costumes appropriate for these are in vogue for lounge or morning
+suits. This is what the English call "mufti." Such costumes are,
+however, not in good form in the city.
+
+Black leather, tan, or russet shoes are worn with morning dress. White
+duck or flannel trousers, with black or blue cheviot coat and waistcoat,
+make fashionable lounge suits for summer resorts.
+
+_Afternoon dress_ consists of a double-breasted frock coat of soft
+cheviot, vicuña, or diagonal worsted with either waistcoat to
+match--single-breasted or double-breasted--of fancy cloth, Marseilles
+duck or piqué; trousers of different material, usually cashmere, quiet
+in tone, with a striped pattern on a dark gray, drab, or blue
+background; boots of patent leather, buttoned, not tied; a white or
+colored shirt with straight standing white collar; a four-in-hand,
+puffed Ascot, or small club tie; silk hat and undressed gray, tan, or
+brown kid gloves. The colored shirt is an innovation, and it should be
+used sparingly, white linen on any semiformal function being in better
+form. When spats are used they should be of brown, gray, or drab cloth
+or canvas, to match the trousers as nearly as possible. Some ultra
+faddists wear white kid gloves with afternoon dress, but the fashion is
+not universal.
+
+Afternoon dress, is the attire for weddings--for the bridegroom, best
+man, ushers, and male guests; at afternoon teas, afternoon receptions,
+afternoon calls, afternoon walks on the fashionable avenue, garden
+parties (but not picnics), luncheons, and, in fact, at all formal or
+semiformal functions taking place between midday and candlelight, as
+well as at church on Sundays, at funerals, and in the park in London
+after midday.
+
+Gray frock-coat suits are recent introductions from London, and have
+been worn at all the functions at which the black is required, but the
+latter is more conservative and in better taste. The afternoon dress is
+seldom worn in midsummer, morning suits being allowable at seaside and
+mountain-resort day functions.
+
+_Evening dress_ is the proper attire, winter or summer, on all occasions
+after candlelight. There are two kinds of evening dress, formal and
+informal.
+
+Formal or "full" evening dress, as it is sometimes vulgarly called,
+consists of the evening or "swallowtail" coat of black dress worsted or
+soft-faced vicuña, with or without silk or satin facing, with waistcoat
+and trousers of the same material, the latter plain or with a braid down
+the sides. The "dress" waistcoat can also be of white duck or piqué, in
+which case it is double-breasted. The shape of the dress waistcoat shows
+the shirt bosom in the form of a "U."
+
+The evening shirt is of plain white linen, with two shirt buttons and
+link cuffs, straight standing collar, white lawn or linen tie. The
+gloves are white with white stitching, the hose of black silk, and the
+handkerchief, which must be present but not seen, of plain white linen.
+The shoes are patent-leather pumps or "low quarters," tied, not
+buttoned.
+
+The overcoat is an Inverness of black cheviot, lined with satin and
+without sleeves, and the hat a crush opera. These two latter adjuncts
+are not indispensable, but most convenient. An ordinary black overcoat
+and top hat can be worn with evening dress. No visible jewelry--not even
+a watch chain--is allowed. The shirt buttons are either of white enamel,
+dull-finished gold, or pearls, and the sleeve links white-enameled or
+lozenge-shaped disks of gold, with a monogram thereon engraved.
+
+Evening dress is _de rigueur_ at balls, dances, evening receptions,
+evening weddings, dinners, suppers, the opera, and the theater, when
+calling after candlelight, and in fact at any formal evening function
+and generally when ladies are present.
+
+Informal evening dress differs from formal in the wearing of the Tuxedo
+or dinner coat in place of the "swallowtail," and the substitution of a
+black silk for a white lawn tie.
+
+The dinner coat is of black worsted or vicuña, satin-faced. It is the
+badge of informality. Formerly it was only worn at the club, at small
+stag dinners, and on occasions when ladies were not present. Now it is
+in vogue during the summer at hotel hops and at small informal parties
+to the play, at bowling parties, restaurant dinners, and, in fact, on
+any occasion which is not formal. From June to October men wear it in
+town every evening without overcoat.
+
+As the dinner jacket is short, a top or silk hat can not be worn with
+it. The proper headgear in winter is a black felt soft hat, in summer a
+straw.
+
+The dinner jacket is becoming a necessity. It is worn also by all youths
+and boys from twelve years to seventeen, at which latter period they can
+assume the _toga virilis_ or swallowtail.
+
+I here append a few cautionary hints which must be taken if you wish to
+dress well.
+
+All scarves and ties should be tied by one's self. Made-up neckwear of
+any kind is not worn by well-groomed men.
+
+White evening waistcoats and Tuxedo coats do not agree; black is only
+allowable.
+
+Jewelry is vulgar. The ring for a man is a seal of either green or red
+stone, or of plain burnished gold with the seal or monogram engraved
+upon it. It must be worn on the little finger.
+
+Watch chains and watch fobs are not in vogue. Watches and latchkeys are
+attached to a key chain and hidden in the trousers pocket. Diamonds are
+only in good form when set in a scarf pin, and even then they are in
+questionable taste. Diamond buttons and diamond rings are absolutely
+vulgar.
+
+The fashionable overcoat in winter is a Chesterfield or single-breasted
+frock of kersey or like material in brown, blue, or black, with velvet
+collar. For autumn and spring the tan covert coat is in vogue.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+THE BACHELOR'S TOILET.
+
+
+The first care of a bachelor is his bath or tub. To-day,
+houses--especially clubs and bachelor apartments--are fitted up so
+luxuriously that each tenant has his own individual tiled bathroom,
+which he uses also as a dressing room. But where these are not, the tin
+or the India-rubber bath tub serves as well the purpose of our first
+ablution. A cold bath to many is a good refresher and awakener, but
+there are others again whose constitutions can not stand the shock,
+especially in winter, of icy-cold water. For cleansing purposes, tepid
+water is best, or a mixture of hot and cold, so as to take the chill
+off.
+
+A gentleman takes at least one tub a day, and that, as may be inferred
+from the previous remarks, when he arises. If the tub is in the bedroom,
+have a rubber cloth placed under, and fill it only half full. The sponge
+is used for the bath, the wash rag for the washstand. The body should
+have a thorough soaping. The soap should be either Castile or a pure
+unscented glycerin. Sweet-scented soaps, perfumery, and sweet waters of
+all kinds should be eschewed. The Turkish towel is the best for drying,
+and it should be vigorously but not roughly applied. A flesh brush may
+be also used with comfort. As soon as the body is perfectly dry the bath
+robe or large Turkish towel, which some prefer to wrap themselves in,
+like Indians, should be resumed and shaving begun.
+
+Every man should learn to shave himself. Razors are very delicate
+instruments and should be kept in thorough order. Safety razors with
+little blades for each day in the week are excellent, but if you use the
+ordinary razor add to your collection from time to time, until you have
+at least half a dozen. Once a month send these to a barber to be
+stropped, and strop them yourself both before and after using. Wipe them
+dry with a piece of chamois cloth and put them back in their cases. The
+best strop is of Russia leather or of canvas.
+
+Warm water is not absolutely necessary for shaving, as some beards are
+soft and resist heat.
+
+If possible, arrange a shaving stand with a triplicate mirror and places
+for your razors, shaving mug, brush, and soap. You can purchase one of
+these, with the entire outfit, for a few dollars at any of the large
+city shops. A ring or little silver or metal hook for shaving paper can
+be placed on one side of the stand. A cleanly man shaves every morning.
+After shaving, wash the face with a little warm water and wipe it
+thoroughly dry. Add to the water a few drops of ammonia or of Pond's
+extract, if the skin is liable to chap.
+
+In the fashion of beards, the clean or smooth-shaven face, the pointed
+beard, and the simple mustache are those generally in vogue. Should you
+wear a beard, you should have for it a special comb and brush.
+
+A small tin basin, a package of sea salt, and a special wash rag are the
+requisites for a morning eye bath. Sea salt and warm water are
+recommended by oculists as the best tonic for the eyes.
+
+The teeth next claim your attention. There is nothing more disgusting
+than foul breath, which comes frequently from neglected teeth. Use a
+soft toothbrush. Avoid patent tooth washes and lotions. An excellent
+tooth powder is made of two thirds French chalk, one third orris root,
+and a pinch of myrrh. Any chemist will put this up for fifteen cents.
+Tepid and not cold water should be used. In rinsing the mouth a drop or
+two of listerine added to the water is excellent. Teeth should be
+brushed at least twice a day--morning and evening. Never use soap on
+your toothbrush. Get a spool of dental silk--it will cost you eight
+cents--and draw the thread between your teeth before you retire, so as
+to remove any substance which might have got into a crevice. And, above
+all, have your teeth examined carefully by a good dentist at least twice
+a year.
+
+See that your toothbrush is sweet and clean, and place it handle down in
+the tooth mug.
+
+The hands should be well washed and dried, tepid water, scentless soap,
+and a smooth towel being used. The nails should have a vigorous rubbing
+with a good nailbrush in the morning before your meals and before you go
+to bed at night. The nail file and nail scissors must be used as often
+as possible. Remember, dirty finger nails betray the vulgar and the
+unkempt. A man with dirty hands is impossible.
+
+The nails should not be pointed, but well rounded and kept free of bits
+of callous skin around the base, called "hangnails." Finger nails should
+be kept short, just a bit beyond the fleshy tip of the finger.
+
+The nails of the toes should be kept as carefully as those of the hands.
+In summer a little talcum powder on the feet will prevent the odor of
+perspiration.
+
+The fashions for parting the hair change with the times. At present it
+is the direct part in the middle which is most fashionable. Very young
+men wear their hair unusually long, but this fad is uncleanly. The hair
+should be cut at least once a month, and a glimpse of the skin of the
+neck should always intervene between the roots and the collar.
+
+Pomatums and greases and scents of all kinds are sticky and injurious.
+If you suffer with dryness of the scalp rub a little vaseline into it
+occasionally. Washings with tar soap or with a little alcohol and
+rosemary are beneficial. The scalp should be well brushed with
+moderately firm but not hard bristles. The best brushes are those
+without handles, known as army and navy. Water is bad for the hair.
+Constant combing with a fine-tooth comb is apt to irritate the scalp and
+provoke dandruff, which can be allayed by brushing, shampooing, and the
+use of borax and warm water.
+
+Turkish or Russian baths are beneficial now and then, and the vigorous
+massage after a thorough steaming is admirable for the skin. A man
+should be scrupulously neat about his toilet articles and appliances. In
+your bathroom you should have a rack for your coarse and fine towels.
+Always place the towel you have used at the side of a stationary or on
+the back of a movable tub to dry. See that the soap is removed from your
+sponges, and once a fortnight clean them in one quarter of an ounce of
+borax dissolved in tepid water. Let them soak for an hour, and squeeze
+them out in clean water.
+
+Hairbrushes are washed in a little soda put into a quart of hot water.
+The brush must be dipped downward so as not to wet the back. When they
+are cleansed they can be rinsed in cold water and stood on their side,
+after the water is shaken out, until quite dry.
+
+Nailbrushes must be turned on their sides, after using, so that the
+water will not soak in and crack their backs.
+
+A man's toilet articles, whether in silver or wood, should be of one
+distinctive style and material. Tooth and nail brushes should never
+have silver handles, but hair and clothes brushes with silver backs are
+very smart. They should be kept polished with a chamois cloth, and
+occasionally a little silver polish or whiting. Your bureau or dressing
+table is the place for the hair and clothes brushes, the combs, the
+toilet mirror, nail files, nail scissors, and such smaller articles.
+Your nail and tooth brushes and soaps go on the wash-hand stand. Your
+sponges are best put in a little wire basket at the side of the
+wash-hand stand, or the immovable washstand if your room or bathroom has
+the latter convenience.
+
+Your bedroom should be ventilated and all the windows opened after you
+leave it, and you should have at least one window up during your
+sleeping hours. If you have a movable tub see that it is aired each
+morning after using.
+
+Always make a change of clothes and of shoes when you come in from a
+busy day and from the street. Nothing ruins clothes so much as lounging
+about your room in them. And last but not least, as it contains the
+essential of all these rules and hints, be always immaculately clean.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES.
+
+
+There are comparatively few men who can afford the luxury of a good
+valet, and that personage himself, when found thoroughly competent, is
+indeed a treasure. But it is an absurd mistake for any one to think that
+a valet is a necessity. If you take a quarter of an hour for the care of
+your clothes every day, you can be just as well turned out as if you
+hired an expensive servant. Even if you have indulged in the luxury of a
+valet, you yourself should know all about looking after your wardrobe.
+
+Whenever you change your clothes you should first empty all your
+pockets. Then, as soon as each garment is removed, it should be
+vigorously shaken and brushed before it is folded and put away. Never
+hang coats, trousers, or waistcoats; always fold them. Wire coat hangers
+and trousers stretchers ruin clothes. Whisk brooms are useful only when
+an extra-vigorous treatment is desired. Take a clothes brush and give
+your coat, as soon as you take it off, a thorough brushing, and hold it
+to the light, so that no particle of dust may escape your eye. The coat
+is then folded exactly in half lengthwise, sleeve to sleeve, the lining
+on the outside. With evening coats it is sometimes necessary to fold the
+sleeves in half, owing to the shortness of the waist. In packing a trunk
+the same method is used, only the sleeves are stuffed with tissue paper
+to avoid possible wrinkles.
+
+Large and bulky garments, such as overcoats and frock coats, should be
+folded in triplicate. Lay the coat flat on a table and first fold on
+both sides, the right and the left, so much of the lapel and collar
+lengthwise as will cover the sleeve. This will make two folds from the
+top of the collar to the bottom of the skirt. Then fold the coat again
+in half lengthwise, using the back as a hinge. You will find the same
+principle illustrated by a cook with a pancake. The waistcoat is folded
+in half, with the lining on the outside. Always take off your shoes and
+unbutton the braces before you remove your trousers, and fold them over
+the back of a chair, which is to serve you as a clothes rack. Take the
+trousers by the waist and place together the first two suspender
+buttons, one on the left and the other on the right. This will make the
+fold preserve the natural crease and dispose of the extra material,
+button and buttonhole tab at the waist. Trousers carefully folded will
+only need pressing about twice a year. Hose should be well shaken, and
+unless perfectly clean, thrown in the soiled-linen basket. Evening silk
+hose can be worn several times. The undervest, or undershirt, and the
+drawers should be also subjected to a vigorous shaking, and hung on the
+back of the same chair where you have already placed your hose. All
+these intimate garments are to be aired, and the chair on which you have
+hung them taken to the window.
+
+Use a closet and a chest of drawers for your clothes. If you are in very
+limited quarters, six drawers and a trunk should be sufficient for all
+your belongings. The evening clothes occupy one drawer or shelf, and the
+morning and afternoon suits the other or two others. The remainder will
+be for linen, underclothing, ties, and handkerchiefs.
+
+Between each suit of clothes there should be laid a newspaper; those
+publications which use the blackest of printer's ink--the surest
+antidote for moths--being the best for this purpose. Cover the top of
+each pile of clothes, when the drawer or shelf is full, with a clean
+towel.
+
+In a chest with four drawers the bottom one should be used for
+underclothes, the top for handkerchiefs, hose, and ties, and the two
+intermediate for your linen. The closet will have to serve for your
+suits of clothes, or, in lieu of that, your trunk. Otherwise the
+last-mentioned receptacle is the place for clothes out of season,
+carefully laid away with a full complement of newspaper and camphor.
+
+When you remove your shirt at night, or when you change for dinner, be
+careful to take out the buttons and sleeve links, unless you intend to
+wear the garment again. In that case, hang it up in your closet.
+
+The first gift which a bachelor usually receives from his sister or his
+sweetheart is a handkerchief case, and I hardly need advise you to
+purchase what is a standard Christmas offering. Keep your handkerchiefs
+in this, your neatly folded ties in the second division of the drawer,
+and your hose in the third. If you should have a silver and plush
+pincushion with a movable top, your small articles of jewelry go in its
+interior, or in a small box in the top drawer.
+
+Silk hats, Derbies, and Alpines or soft-felt hats should never be
+brushed with a whisk broom. A hatter will sell you for a small sum a
+soft brush with a pliable plush back, which will do for smoothing your
+silk hat, the bristles to be applied in removing the dust. A silk
+handkerchief will also smooth a silk hat. Frequent ironing destroys the
+nap. Straw hats can be cleaned by first rubbing them over with the half
+of a lemon, then taking an old nail brush and some brown soap and water
+and giving it a vigorous brushing. Then you should take heavy books and
+lay them on the brim of the hat. An old pincushion or several towels
+rolled into a firm ball, or a book which will fit exactly, should be
+placed inside the crown. Allow the hat to dry, and do not remove the
+weights until this is accomplished. You will find your straw as good as
+new and the shape preserved. The writer has tried this with great
+success.
+
+Boots and shoes when not in use should be put on wooden trees to keep
+them in shape. As trees are rather expensive, one can use paper and
+stuff it inside the boot or shoe. This will not prove a bad substitute.
+With patent leathers, paper or cotton stuffed in the toes prevents the
+leather from wrinkling, and in this instance the very cheap material is
+better than the more expensive appliance. Patent leathers must be
+creamed and rubbed with a chamois cloth or linen or flannel rag after
+all mud and dust have first been removed. This operation should be
+repeated daily. Some men maintain that patent leathers should be
+varnished as soon as they come home from the bootmaker, but I disagree
+with them. A varnished patent leather has always a cheap look, and the
+coat of veneer is only applied as a last resort, to hide the cracks.
+Russet boots and shoes are treated daily with the special cream sold for
+them, which can be obtained at any bootmaker's or shoe shop. The price
+is small, and the stuff will last a long time. Russet boots, however,
+can be very well treated with a little vaseline, but that product will
+not give them the deep-brown color which is so fashionable. The soles of
+boots and shoes should be painted black. When a man is obliged to kneel
+in any ceremony, the sight of white or yellow gleaming soles is absurd.
+
+In wet weather it is absolutely necessary to turn up the bottoms of your
+trousers, to keep them from fraying.
+
+I would suggest a general overhauling of clothes about once a month. At
+the end of each season the heavy or light garments should receive a
+final brushing and be stored away in a trunk, chest, or spare room with,
+as I have already advised, newspapers between them, and some camphor or
+moth destroyer as an extra precaution. Overcoats, which are in such
+general use, may be hung during their season of service, but should be
+frequently brushed and well shaken.
+
+The economy of space thus observed in the arrangement of clothes in a
+room will make it an easy matter when about to travel to pack one's
+wardrobe in a trunk.
+
+A shoe bag is a great convenience. A simple canvas arrangement can be
+purchased very cheaply, or one of your fair friends can make you one.
+Your shoes should be placed in this and put at the bottom of the trunk
+in a corner. Otherwise you should wrap your shoes and boots in paper. If
+you travel with two trunks, one should be reserved for your outer
+garments and the other for your shirts and underclothes. With one trunk,
+a shirt box is as much an article to be desired as a shoe bag, but in
+lieu of this the shirts should be placed in the first or top tray, the
+underclothes and hose in the second, and the outer garments in the
+bottom. A small space in the top can be reserved for your ties and
+handkerchiefs. Toilet articles are carried in a hand bag; waterproofs,
+overcoats, and umbrellas and walking sticks in a shawl strap. Your silk
+hat has but one place, and that is in a hatbox. You can put a Derby in a
+corner of a trunk but a silk hat would be ruined.
+
+When a long journey is taken, it is economy in the end to purchase an
+extra steamer trunk for your underclothes and linen. Trunks are not
+expensive, and you will find that by not crowding your clothes you will
+save in the long run.
+
+Always keep in your room a small bottle of a good grease-remover as well
+as one of ammonia, some soft rags, and a chamois for general cleaning
+purposes. An expenditure of a little over a quarter of a dollar will
+provide you with these necessaries.
+
+Never lounge around your room in your street or evening dress. If you
+are to stay awhile, or if you come in for the night, take off your
+clothes and put on a bath robe or your pyjamas if you do not possess a
+dressing gown, which is not a necessity.
+
+At your office you should always have an old coat to wear, and if it be
+summer have one of linen. To sit around in one's shirt sleeves, even at
+one's place of business, is not characteristic of the gentleman.
+
+
+THE COST OF CLOTHES.
+
+Every young man starting in life and wishing naturally to take a part in
+social functions and to become a member of that body indefinitely known
+as society, is confronted with the problem of clothes. A few years ago
+the ordinary changes of morning, afternoon, and evening were all that
+were requisite, but to-day, with special costumes for various sports and
+pastimes, the outlook at first glance to one of limited income is not
+encouraging. And yet a man with a modest salary can dress very well on
+two to three hundred dollars a year, and even less. It is only the first
+step which costs. One must have a foundation or a slight capital with
+which to start. After that with a little care expenses can be easily
+regulated.
+
+The evening suit is the most expensive essential of a man's wardrobe.
+This he is obliged to have. I would advise, in selecting a suit of this
+kind, to have it of good material from a good tailor, after a model not
+too pronounced, so that in case of any small alteration in the fashions
+it can survive a season or two. With proper care your evening suit
+should last at least five years. During the first two or three it should
+be your costume for formal occasions. During the third season you might
+possibly have another pair of trousers made or renew the waistcoat or
+even the coat. When you find yourself, thus by the principles of the
+doctrine of the survival of the fittest, the possessor of two evening
+suits, use the old one for theaters and small dinners, and the best for
+the formal functions. White waistcoats are very smart for evening wear,
+and an investment in one or two of these during the course of a season
+will save the waistcoat of the evening suit. The prices of evening suits
+vary. The most fashionable Fifth Avenue tailors charge as much as one
+hundred and twenty-five dollars for them. Some men argue that this sum
+insures an excellent investment. However, you can have an excellent one
+made by a good tailor for an outlay of about forty dollars. The large
+retail clothing shops have a custom department, and that is their figure
+for an evening suit made to order. You can even have one for twenty-five
+dollars, but I would not spend a less amount. Superintend the making of
+it yourself. Some men have adjustable figures, and they can purchase
+their clothes from the block--that is, ready-made. The only fault to
+find with these garments is their machinelike cut. The pockets, if any,
+the lines, the binding, and the entire get-up look as if these affairs
+had been turned out by the dozen.
+
+White waistcoats for evening wear are, however, somewhat in the nature
+of luxuries. They are difficult to have laundered, and some very smart
+men object to having them sent to the wash, and would not wear one after
+it has gone through that process. The Fifth Avenue tailor will charge as
+much as twenty dollars for a white duck waistcoat made to order. It may
+fit you perfectly, but yet again it may not look a whit better than the
+ready-made which you can purchase at a haberdasher's for from three to
+five dollars.
+
+A Tuxedo or dinner coat, as explained in another chapter, is almost a
+necessity. It is really a saving. If you can not afford to have an
+entire suit of this kind made you may simply have the jacket, which will
+cost from twenty-five to forty dollars, and wear it with the trousers
+and waistcoat, and keep it to be part of your informal evening dress.
+
+I have known men to have their black sack coats or old black diagonal
+cutaways or old evening coat changed into a Tuxedo by the cutting off of
+tails, the substitution of a silk collar, or some other alteration. A
+sack coat is easily arranged, and any little tailor around the corner
+will make the metamorphosis for three dollars. Suppose you have had one
+of your old coats transformed into a Tuxedo. You can purchase, if you do
+not wish to have made, a pair of black trousers of the same material for
+a very few dollars, and an old black waistcoat, which went with the
+original coat, can also be altered. Remember that a Tuxedo dinner coat
+has not to be of a certain material. It must be black and have a silk
+collar. It is really _negligé_.
+
+You should start with a capital of at least six evening shirts. If you
+are a wealthy man these will cost possibly, made to order, as high as
+fifty-six dollars, but you can also have excellent ones for nine
+dollars. It is considered smart to have the collars attached, but not
+necessary. The cuffs, however, should be always a part of the shirt.
+
+White ties are twenty-five to thirty-five cents a piece. Always state
+the number of collar you wear when purchasing evening ties, and you
+will never have cause to complain of the length.
+
+Black patent-leather pumps, made to order, are from eight to nine
+dollars. You can get them much cheaper ready made, but the only trouble
+with them is that they are not usually good fits, and that in future
+years you will have cause to regret this economy. Of black silk
+stockings, of which you will need two or three pair, you can have a
+choice from a dollar and a half to six dollars a pair.
+
+I would advise the purchase of two business or lounge suits a year for
+the first three years. In making this estimate I can hardly suppose that
+you are in the state of Adam, and I would advise you to wear your old
+suit in winter especially, and on rainy and stormy days. Your overcoat
+will conceal it in the street, and at the office the older the clothes
+the better. The pivotal points of a man are his hat, boots, and tie.
+Have these perfectly correct, and the rest will take care of itself.
+
+For winter buy a thick, useful cloth, such as Scotch homespun or rough
+cheviot or tweed. Brown and gray mixtures are always fashionable and
+wear well.
+
+In summer a light-gray check or a blue cheviot or flannel are always
+smart.
+
+Thus making an old suit of the year before alternate with the new one,
+you will find that eighty dollars will be sufficient to help you be a
+well-groomed man.
+
+A half dozen colored shirts for morning wear are necessary, with
+attached cuffs but detached collars. Every now and then I would invest a
+few dollars in shirts, and before you know it you will have a large
+supply. As dress shirts grow old send them to be repaired at any of the
+many places which you will find advertised, and use them for morning
+shirts.
+
+Six changes of underwear--merino or wool--and a dozen balbriggan or
+woolen hose will be sufficient. Summer underwear is very cheap, and you
+can get a light merino suit for one dollar. A four-dollar investment
+will last several seasons. Good winter underwear is expensive, costing
+four or five dollars a suit.
+
+Pyjamas of Madras or pongee silk, very effective and pretty, can be had
+for a dollar and a half to three dollars a suit. Four suits of
+these--two for summer and two for winter--will last at least two years.
+
+A man must have, besides his dancing pumps, a pair of patent-leather
+walking boots and a pair of stout common boots for everyday wear. If you
+can afford it, have two pair of boots made at the same time, or even
+more. An investment of fifty dollars in boots, at say eight dollars a
+pair, would be excellent. You can change daily, and they will last you
+over a period of two or three or more years.
+
+The afternoon suit is more or less a luxury. Unless you frequent
+afternoon teas or make many afternoon calls, or act as an usher at
+weddings in any city but New York, the frock coat is not, for the first
+three or four years of your career, an absolute necessity. In New York,
+however, where calls are only made in the afternoon, it must form a part
+of your wardrobe.
+
+A frock coat can be made for forty or fifty dollars; seventy-five to one
+hundred dollars is charged by the most expensive tailors. When you order
+it, see that it is not in the extreme of fashion. The conservative
+garment will last a number of years. The material, as I have already
+suggested in another chapter, must be of rough worsted, vicuña, or
+material of that kind, and never of broadcloth.
+
+With it you must have a pair of "fancy" or cashmere trousers. These will
+cost from eight to fifteen dollars, and they will last you several
+years. In fact, the purchasing of the afternoon suit in one way is
+excellent: it does not have to be renewed as often as other parts of
+your wardrobe. It stays practically in fashion, with little deviation,
+for almost a decade.
+
+The silk hat, which is necessary for the afternoon suit, is one of the
+most expensive items of a man's wardrobe. A top hat must be of the
+prevailing mode. Autumn is the best time for purchasing, as you can
+dispense with it after May, except on very special occasions. Two
+Derbies--one for autumn and the other for spring--at from two to four
+dollars, or only one, for that matter, to last through the entire eight
+months, and a straw hat, from two to four dollars, will be the entire
+amount expended for headgear by the very best-dressed men. For a Derby
+you can substitute an Alpine or Hombourg. The opera crush hat is a
+luxury, and you can wear with your evening suit your top hat of the year
+before, which you can christen your "night hawk."
+
+Shirt buttons and sleeve links are also an expensive item. However, the
+purchase of these occurs but once in a lifetime, and fifteen dollars
+would do beautifully for enamel or plain gold.
+
+Ties vary in price, and it is difficult to limit a man on this
+expenditure. Many invest in them as a fad, picking them up here and
+there, and thus accumulating a large assortment. A little judgment in
+purchasing will allow you to acquire quite a large wardrobe. If you give
+your personal supervision to the making of your clothes you can employ a
+cheap tailor who will turn out very good work. For fashion plates, I do
+not know of any better than Du Maurier's pictures of smart London men in
+the London Punch. Watch the sales in the autumn and the late spring for
+bargains in haberdashery. Study well the advice given in the chapter on
+the Care of Clothes in this book, and you will find therein that which
+will certainly teach you economy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS.
+
+
+Formal introductions are not in vogue in this country. The nearest
+approach to it is when one is desirous of introducing a stranger or one
+of his particular friends to another. When you desire to present a man
+to a woman you must ask her if you may bring Mr. ---- to her house. In
+New York the customary time for such visits is in the afternoon, between
+four and six. In introducing men to one another it is unnecessary to
+make a formal appointment. In presenting a man to a woman her permission
+must first be asked. The formula is, "Mrs. C----, may I present Mr.
+D----?" Informal introductions may be made between people visiting in
+the same house by simply saying, "Mrs. D----, may I present Mr. B----?"
+or "Mr. F----, do you know Mr. C----?" These informal introductions
+need not be recognized afterward unless mutually agreeable.
+
+Introductions are never made in the street or in public places of any
+kind, or in public conveyances, unless under exceptional circumstances.
+It is extremely bad form to introduce a guest on his entrance into a
+room to more than one other. Wholesale introductions are not the custom
+in New York. General introductions are not made at a dinner or at any
+function. People are sufficiently well bred to engage in general
+conversation when in the houses of their friends, even if they do not
+know each other, and not to take advantage of the circumstances
+afterward.
+
+At any function at which the guests are told off, the host or hostess
+only presents the man to the woman whom he is to take down. A man never
+shakes hands upon being presented to a woman, but always on being
+introduced to a man. A man should never shake hands with a woman while
+wearing his gloves unless she also is gloved. Your hostess will give her
+hand to you when you make your obeisance. After being presented, an
+invitation is apt to follow. It may be, "Drop in to tea any afternoon,"
+or simply, "I would be glad to have you call." This invitation should
+always come from a married woman. Unmarried women do not ask young men
+to call. A man may ask the privilege of calling, or the mother of the
+young woman may say, "We should be pleased to have you call, Mr. Smith."
+
+In New York and in many of the larger cities, as has already been
+stated, the proper time for a man to call on a woman is between the
+hours of four and six in the afternoon. Sometimes women have "days" in
+the season, and you should pay your call on one of them. Otherwise any
+afternoon may do, and you can use Sunday for this purpose after three
+o'clock.
+
+Afternoon dress is, of course, requisite. In those places where evening
+calls are made a man must wear formal evening dress.
+
+On the opening of the door by the servant, a man asks of him whether the
+hostess or "the ladies" are at home. This will depend on the number of
+the members of the family receiving. He gives to the domestic the proper
+number of cards. The servant precedes him, opens the drawing-room door
+for him, and in some ultra English houses he is announced. His card or
+cards have been deposited on the silver tray which the servant has
+presented to him in the hall and left there. A visiting card is never
+brought into the drawing room. A man on a first or a formal call carries
+his stick and hat into the drawing room with him. To "hang his hat" in
+the hall shows great intimacy--even relationship--in the house. He,
+however, should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella.
+His hostess will advance to meet him, and will extend to him her right
+hand with a somewhat stiff angular motion, and he should shake it with a
+quick nervous movement of his right. He should neither grasp nor squeeze
+her hand, nor should he attempt that absurd so-called British shake in
+the air, which is never practiced except by player folk. A man removes
+his glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room, and holds
+this with his stick and hat in his left. The hat should be at an angle,
+the top about level with his nose. At weddings, the opera, and dances,
+where a woman is gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, does
+not remove his gloves. On ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved in
+her own drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is not usually
+expected. Should the hostess be gloved, as at a large affair, such as a
+formal or wedding reception, a man shakes hands with her with them on.
+
+Tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers, little
+cakes, and sometimes sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup of tea,
+a doylie will be given you, which place upon your knee. When another
+caller enters the room stand up, whether it is a woman or a man. Ten
+minutes is all that is necessary for a formal call. It is less awkward
+to leave when a new caller is announced. Shake hands with your hostess
+and bow to the people present. Leave the room sideways, so as not to
+turn your back upon the company, and bow to them as you reach the door,
+thus bowing yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer or a sitter. No
+men are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores. The first
+arrivals leave first. Freezing out is not known in good society.
+
+Calls should be made after every civility extended and every invitation
+accepted or regretted; after weddings, wedding receptions, deaths in
+families, etc., as fully explained in the chapter on card-leaving.
+
+A letter of introduction is always sent, never left in person. Calls at
+the theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are not
+accepted as formal. A man enters an opera box, stands, and bows. His
+hostess will turn around and greet him. He will then, if there is a
+vacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a little while, leaving on the
+arrival of another caller. These rules for afternoon calls can be
+applied also to those made in the evening.
+
+If no day is set for a first call, a man is expected to drop in any
+afternoon within ten days after the invitation. The sooner a call is
+made the greater the compliment. A second call may be made within two or
+three months; after that once or twice a year, as intimacy permits. A
+man is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which he
+has not first called. The usual form of a dinner invitation, the hostess
+being married, reads:
+
+     _My dear Mr. Smith:_
+
+        _Will you dine with us, most informally, on Wednesday,
+     December the ninth, at eight o'clock? Hoping that you have no
+     engagement for that evening, believe me,_
+
+                                  _Yours very sincerely,_
+                                        _Alice de Tompkins._
+        _November thirtieth._
+
+An answer to an invitation like this, which should be sent within
+twenty-four hours, reads:
+
+     _My dear Mrs. de Tompkins:_
+
+        _It will give me great pleasure to dine with you on Wednesday
+     evening, December the ninth, at eight o'clock. With many thanks for
+     your kind thought of me,_
+
+                                  _Yours very sincerely,_
+                                       _Algernon Smith._
+        _December first._
+
+Or, in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or twelve
+guests:
+
+      _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins_
+       _request the pleasure of_
+            _Mr. Smith's_
+        _company at dinner on_
+     _Wednesday evening, December_
+    _the ninth, at eight o'clock._
+
+The answer reads:
+
+          _Mr. Algernon Smith, Jr.,_
+           _accepts with pleasure_
+         _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins's_
+             _kind invitation for_
+    _Wednesday evening, December the ninth,_
+              _at eight o'clock._
+        _December first._
+
+Answers to formal luncheon invitations are written in the same manner,
+only changing the hours, etc.
+
+Informal invitations to breakfasts and luncheons will be treated in the
+chapter on that subject.
+
+The form of an invitation to a private dance is:
+
+     _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins request the pleasure of Mr. Algernon
+     Smith's company on Friday evening, January the ninth, at nine
+     o'clock._
+
+     _R. S. V. P._                                       _Dancing._
+
+The answer to this would be similarly worded as in case of the formal
+dinner. As dance invitations are usually sent out three weeks in
+advance, three days' grace is allowed for the answer.
+
+When an invitation is received to a subscription ball, like the
+assemblies in various cities, you should acknowledge it, by your
+acceptance or regret, to the subscriber sending it; but when an
+invitation is received from a ball committee, you should accept as
+follows:
+
+     _Mr. James de Courcy Peterson accepts with pleasure the committee's
+     kind invitation for Thursday evening, February the fifteenth._
+
+     _January second._
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+CARDS.
+
+
+There is only one visiting card in vogue for a man. It must be of plain
+white bristol board, unglazed, about three or four inches in length and
+about two inches in width. The name should be engraved, not printed, in
+the middle of the card, in small copperplate type, without ornamentation
+of any kind. The prefix "Mr." is always used unless the person is a
+physician, in which case he can place "Dr." before his name, or a
+clergyman, when he may use the "Rev. Mr." or the "Rev. Dr.," according
+to his rank. Army and navy men, ranking as captain or above, should put
+their rank on their cards. "Mr." is the prefix for subalterns. The
+address is placed underneath the name in smaller type and in the
+right-hand corner. If an address, however, is that of a man's club, it
+should be engraved on the left hand. A man's card should also contain
+his Christian as well as his surname. If he possesses two Christian
+names, or any distinctive family name, that should also be given, so
+that his appellation is shown in full. For instance, "Mr. John William
+Jones," "Mr. James Brown Smith," "Mr. Hamilton Hamilton-Stuyvesant."
+Visiting cards should be kept in a small case of sealskin or black or
+Russia leather and carried in the inside pocket of a frock coat, or if
+small enough more conveniently in the waistcoat pocket. Card cases
+should be stamped with initials or have a silver monogram. Visiting
+cards should never be carried loose in the pocket. A card is left in
+person the day after a dinner, luncheon, or breakfast, or within a week
+at latest after a ball. Civility must be returned by civility, and cards
+must be left on every occasion on which a call is necessary. Cards
+should not be sent by mail, unless when about to leave the country, or
+under circumstances where it is impossible to make a personal call. On
+leaving the country you should write the initials P. P. C. (_pour
+prendre congé_) in the right-hand corner. In New York many men send
+cards by mail, offering the excuse that the city is too large to get
+about to make personal calls. This is only a flimsy pretext, and should
+have no weight.
+
+The question of how many cards to leave is one which seems to bewilder
+most people. The general rule is a card to each person. This will have
+to be explained. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith you must leave a
+card for each--two cards. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the
+Misses Smith, three cards, the young ladies counting as a unit. For Mr.
+and Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith, and their married daughter Mrs. Jones
+staying with them, four cards--Mrs. Jones being entitled to the fourth.
+If Mr. Jones is also stopping at the Smiths leave an extra card for him.
+For Mrs. Smith (widow) and the Misses Smith, two cards. For Mr. Smith
+(widower) and the Misses Smith, two cards.
+
+In mailing cards, address them on the envelope "Mrs. Smith, the Misses
+Smith," or "Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith"; "The Misses Brown-Smith,"
+the one under the other. Never write on your cards "For Mr. and Mrs.
+John Brown-Smith." It is bad form. Never leave cards for people who have
+not asked you to call. When friends from another city, who have
+entertained you or who have been polite to you, should arrive in your
+own city, you should immediately call and leave cards for them. In that
+case, should you even not be acquainted with their host and hostess, it
+would be civil to leave cards also for them.
+
+After a wedding, if invited to the reception, you must personally leave
+cards at the house where the reception has been given for your host and
+hostess, and also for the young couple when they return from their
+bridal trip. Two cards at each place will be sufficient in this case.
+When invited to the church only, leave or send cards to the bride's
+parents and the young couple. As the card to the church only, is rather
+an equivocal compliment, mailing cards in this case could be excused.
+Leave personally cards for the patroness who has asked you to a
+subscription ball, within a week after the invitation. In cases of
+death, leave cards within a fortnight. In answer to letters of
+condolence, it is best to send your cards with the words "Thank you for
+your kind sympathy" written thereon. For mourning, use the same size or
+style of card, but with a narrow or deep border as befits the nearness
+of degree of relationship with the deceased. The deepest border
+permissible is about a quarter of an inch.
+
+It is bad form to bend cards or to turn down the corners thereof. These
+signs mean nothing now in good society. In calling--it may be repeated
+here--you ask, if there are more than one of the fair sex in the house,
+for "the ladies," and hand the servant the number of cards necessary. He
+takes them on a silver salver and leaves them in the hall, goes before
+you, and announces you. Your card is never taken to the lady of the
+house, unless it is a business call.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+THE DINER-OUT.
+
+
+When I speak of the "diner-out," I include under this title the bachelor
+guest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. The
+formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first meal in a
+household is purely a family affair. However, luncheons on Sunday at one
+or two o'clock are in New York frequently called breakfasts, because I
+believe many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroad
+that even once a week they dine in the middle of the day. The luncheon
+after a day wedding ceremony is also called a breakfast, but this, like
+the Sunday meal, is simply a title by courtesy.
+
+_Luncheons_, where men are guests, are popular entertainments at all the
+large summer resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar Harbor, as well
+as at the more celebrated of the Western and Pacific watering places
+and the winter cities of the South. In New York and other great
+centers, where there exists a number of gentlemen of leisure, these
+entertainments are greatly in vogue, and in Washington they sometimes
+assume the color of diplomatic functions.
+
+The hour for a luncheon is half past one o'clock, and sometimes it is
+advanced to two. All guests are expected to be punctual to the minute
+and to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour latitude is bad
+form. Better a little too early than too late. However, do not make
+yourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon. Bear in mind
+that the reputation of being the "late Mr. Smith" is not enviable. A
+tardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance. This rule applies
+to dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest,
+with only one exception--dances, where you have an hour's grace.
+
+Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. Men have attended them in
+lounge suits, but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear in
+afternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks are left in the hall. Your
+gloves are removed in the drawing room. When luncheon is announced,
+unless it is a very formal affair, your hostess leads the way to the
+dining room, and she is followed by her guests, women and men, not in
+procession. The men, of course, must allow the fairer sex to pass before
+them through the drawing-room door and into the dining room. Luncheon
+_menus_ consist of oysters, clams, or grape fruit with crushed ice and
+saturated with maraschino for the first course. This is followed by
+bouillon, an _entrée_, a roast or chops with peas, or broiled chicken,
+salad with birds, ices and fruits, coffee and _liqueurs_. Sherry and
+claret are the wines, and sometimes champagne is served.
+
+A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and the men are left to smoke at
+dessert. However, sometimes this formality is waived.
+
+_Dinner_ invitations are sent out at least a fortnight in advance. In
+the New York season sometimes they are issued a full month before the
+event. They must, under all circumstances, be answered within
+twenty-four hours, and cards left on your prospective host and hostess
+within a week.
+
+The fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and eight
+o'clock. Dinners being formal evening functions, formal evening dress is
+essential.
+
+Except at very small houses and apartments, two rooms are reserved--one
+for the men and the other for the ladies--as dressing rooms. Your hat,
+coat, and outdoor attire are removed, and a servant will assist you in
+arranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of feeing these attendants,
+even at private houses, has been somewhat in vogue in a very "smart" and
+wealthy set in New York. It is not good form, and I would advise you
+against it.
+
+The servant who announces you, hands you a small envelope on which is
+written your name. This incloses a card on which is the name of the lady
+whom you are to take in to dinner. After exchanging greetings with your
+hostess and removing your gloves, you should endeavor to find your
+partner and engage in some preliminary conversation. Should you not have
+been presented to her, inform your hostess of this fact, and you will be
+at once introduced. Dinner is announced by the butler entering the
+drawing room and saying, "Dinner is served." The host leads the way with
+the woman guest of honor, and you are assigned your place in the
+procession by the hostess, who comes last with the man guest of honor.
+Each man offers his right arm to his fair partner. In the dining room,
+cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribed
+thereon. Even should there be a retinue of servants, pull back the
+chair of your partner and assist her to seat herself. In some
+old-fashioned houses grace is said, and it is always the rule when a
+clergyman is one of the guests. This blessing is asked after the company
+is seated.
+
+During dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and entertainment
+of the woman whom you have taken in. She must be your first care,
+although there may be some one on your other side, or opposite, who is
+more congenial to you. Talking across the table is very bad form. Let
+your conversation be pleasant and general, but avoid politics, religion,
+and personal criticisms.
+
+There is no form for refusing wine, if it is against your scruples to
+drink it. Do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host by
+making any demonstration, such as putting your finger over the glass or
+shaking your head at the butler. Let him fill your glasses, but do not
+drink the contents. The question of waste is not to be considered; and
+if you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence, in
+your heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will do
+no harm.
+
+The hostess gives the signal at dessert for the ladies to retire to the
+drawing room. Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in solemn
+procession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A prettier
+custom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of the
+ladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way. When
+the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to the
+dining room, where coffee, _liqueurs_, and cigars are served. At the end
+of a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half hour of
+conversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the guests
+make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. On bidding
+good-night, always assure your hostess of the pleasant evening which you
+have enjoyed.
+
+Progressive dinners are sometimes given, although now almost obsolete.
+Small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or six at each
+table. The guests change places at each course, the signal for this
+being given by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies remain in their
+seats. As there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each course, a
+man brings his with him from his first table.
+
+Public dinners, except when given by certain church, debating, or
+literary societies, are stag affairs. The guests assemble at the
+restaurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to be held, and deposit
+their hats, coats, and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A ticket
+is given with the number of your rack upon it, and a small fee--usually
+twenty-five cents--is expected. The guests assemble in one of the
+smaller drawing rooms, and each one is handed a plan of the tables with
+the location of his cover designated by his name upon it. A procession
+is formed, the guests of honor and reception committee leading, to the
+banquet hall. After dessert, speeches are in order.
+
+_Dinner dances_ are a form of entertainment where dinner is followed by
+a dance, other guests coming in from other dinner parties and meeting at
+one house which has been agreed upon as the place where the dance is to
+take place. A short time after dinner, at each of the other houses, the
+guests are conveyed therefrom in carriages, or, better yet, in stages,
+to the general rendezvous. Calls are due within the week at the house
+where you have dined as well as at the one at which you have danced.
+
+Supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners. The
+occasion is a bit more informal and the _menu_ not so elaborate. The
+etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on The Dance, and
+suppers after the play, at restaurants and clubs, being favorite
+bachelor entertainments, will be explained in that part of this book
+reserved for the Bachelor as Host.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS.
+
+
+Many of the cautions contained in this chapter will seem elementary in
+their nature. But one expects in a book of this kind to see the old
+familiar "don'ts," and their absence would perhaps deter from the
+usefulness of The Complete Bachelor. I would, however, suggest a careful
+study of that clever _brochure_, entitled Don't, which would refresh the
+memory on many points not within the scope of this work. It is really
+quite surprising to see how few men have perfect table manners. The
+American is unfortunately too often in a hurry. He bolts his food. He is
+a victim of the "quick-lunch" system. Again, a bachelor eating a
+solitary meal at a club or a restaurant is apt from sheer loneliness to
+try and dispose of it as rapidly as possible. Drill yourself into eating
+leisurely. Persons of refinement take only small morsels at a time. One
+can not be too dainty at table. To attempt to talk while your mouth is
+full is another vulgarity upon which it is needless to dwell. The French
+have made us the reproach that we frequently drink while our mouths are
+in this condition. I fear there is some foundation for this accusation.
+Wipe your mouth carefully before putting a glass to your lips. Grease
+stains around the edge of a goblet or wineglass are silent but telltale
+witnesses of careless habits.
+
+The napkin is an embarrassing article to many men. Its place is on the
+lap and not tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned around the neck.
+When one arises from the table, the napkin is thrown carelessly on it,
+unfolded. The days of napkin rings are over.
+
+Nervous and bashful persons fidget, they do not sit squarely or firmly
+at table, their chairs are crooked, they play or gesticulate with their
+knives and forks, or they beat dismal tattoos with them against their
+plates. These same timid minds find vent for inspiration in the crumbs
+of the bread, of which they involuntarily make little figures or small
+round balls. The economist, another person on the list, plasters his
+food, taking a bit of potato, a little tomato, and a good-sized square
+of meat as a foundation, and spreading these tidbits one on the other,
+prepares of them a delectable poultice which he swallows at a mouthful.
+I pass over the man who leaves traces of each meal on his shirt or his
+clothes. Such a being, I have no doubt, would convey food to his mouth
+with his knife, would blow on his soup, tea, or coffee with the idea of
+cooling it, or would pour the two latter cheering fluids into a saucer
+and drink them therefrom.
+
+The caution to keep one's hands above the cloth and one's elbows out of
+reach of others, also falls under the head of kindergarten
+classification. The ridiculous idea prevailing that one must not eat
+until others are served has passed away with many old-time fallacies.
+One commences to eat as soon as served. You need not proceed very
+actively, but you can take up your fork or spoon, as the case may be,
+and make at least a feint at it.
+
+Toasts have also fallen into "desuetude" at private dinners. Sometimes
+you will find an old-fashioned host who will, on touching his glass with
+his lips, bow to his guests, and they may wait for this signal to sip
+their wine, but the custom is utterly obsolete in large cities and at
+formal dinners.
+
+When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork side by side
+on your plate, the prongs of the fork upward. Do not cross them. No
+whistlike signals are needed to-day to signify that you have had
+sufficient to eat.
+
+Dinners are generally served _à la Russe_--that is, from the sideboard,
+and the dishes are passed around by the servants on silver trays. Very
+large _plats_, such as roasts and fish, are sometimes carried without
+the trays. On all occasions of ceremony the men servants are gloved.
+
+Carving at table is but little seen except at very informal dinners and
+in the country, where sometimes the master of the house shows off this
+old-fashioned accomplishment, especially if he has a dining room in
+colonial style and wishes to have everything in keeping.
+
+The question of second helpings is therefore not one of moment. The
+servants pass the viands twice or more around. If a host or hostess
+serves at table, he or she will ask the guests whether they would like a
+second helping. It is never demanded. Except when absolutely necessary
+the handkerchief should be kept out of sight. It can be used in case
+there should be some sudden irritation of the skin, but to blow one's
+nose at table is disgusting.
+
+The American bachelor takes usually a very light first meal. It consists
+of tea, coffee, or cocoa, toast, eggs, oatmeal, and fruit. There are yet
+a few men who go in for the old-fashioned hearty breakfast with
+beefsteak, buckwheat cakes, and trimmings, but in cities the lighter
+meal is preferable. All this is, of course, more a matter of environment
+and hygiene than etiquette. I have compiled a list of certain viands,
+which society does require should be eaten at a special meal and in only
+one manner. With this catalogue I will close this chapter.
+
+
+BREAKFAST AND LUNCHEON DISHES.
+
+_Eggs._--It is much better form to have egg cups than egg glasses for
+boiled eggs. Cut the top of the egg off with a dexterous blow of a sharp
+knife and eat it in the shell with a small egg spoon.
+
+_Sugar._--Lump sugar if served is always taken with the sugar tongs.
+
+_Butter._--Butter is only served at breakfast or luncheon. It is passed
+around in a silver dish, with a little silver pick with which to spear
+it. Butter plates--i. e., the small round silver or china affairs--have
+given place to bread and butter plates, which are of china and are
+somewhat larger than an ordinary saucer. The butter plate of a few years
+ago was never seen outside of America, and is now destined to vanish
+from our tables. It is needless to add that butter is never served at
+dinner.
+
+_Radishes._--Radishes appear at luncheon. Put them on your bread and
+butter plate and eat them with a little salt.
+
+_Cantaloupes_ are served cut in half and filled with ice. They are eaten
+as a first course, a fork being better to eat them with than a spoon.
+Salt is the condiment to use with them, but sugar is allowable. In
+southern climates they are sometimes served at dinner as a separate
+course between the fish and roast. This is a Creole custom.
+
+_Grape fruit_ is served as a first course (_vide_ chapter Diner-Out) at
+a late breakfast or luncheon. It is eaten with a spoon.
+
+
+DINNER.
+
+The _menu_ of to-day is simple. It consists of oysters or clams,
+according to season, soup, fish, _entrée_, roast and vegetables, game
+and salad, ices and dessert. Sorbets or frozen punches are not served,
+except at public banquets and hotel _table-d'hôtes_.
+
+_Oysters_ or _clams_ are placed on the table in plates for the purpose
+before dinner is announced. They are imbedded in ice and arranged around
+a half-sliced lemon, which is in the middle of the plate. Oysters or
+clams are eaten with a fork only. Gourmets say that they should not even
+be cut with it, and should be swallowed whole. I would not advise any
+one to try this with large oysters. The oyster fork is the first in the
+number of the implements placed beside your plate. Condiments, such as
+pepper and salt, will be passed you. Sauterne is served with oysters.
+
+_Oyster cocktails_ have been in vogue in place of oysters. These are a
+mixture of the bivalve with Tabasco sauce and vinegar, and they are said
+to be excellent appetizers. They are eaten with a small fork from
+cocktail glasses. Bachelors frequently serve them in place of oysters.
+
+_Soup_.--At large and formal dinners a clear soup is in vogue. Your soup
+spoon will be on the knife side of your plate. Soup is eaten from the
+side and not from the end of the spoon. The motion of the hand guiding
+the spoon is toward and not from you. Take soup in small spoonfuls, and
+use your napkin in wiping your mouth and mustache after each, especially
+if the soup is thick or a _purée_. This will avoid the dripping of that
+liquid from your upper lip. Never after this operation throw your napkin
+back into your lap with the greasy side toward your clothes, but use the
+inside of it for this purpose.
+
+_Fish_ is eaten with a silver fish fork. Chasing morsels of fish around
+your plate with bits of bread is obsolete. Silver fish knives have been
+put in use, but they are not generally the vogue.
+
+_Cucumbers_ are served with fish on the same plate. Little plates or
+saucers for cucumbers, vegetables, or salads are bad form.
+
+_Sherry_ is served with fish.
+
+_Celery_, _olives_, and _salted almonds_ are placed on the table in
+small dishes. Sometimes the guests are asked to help themselves, but at
+formal dinners they are passed around after the fish. Celery is eaten
+with the fingers and dipped in a little salt placed on the tablecloth or
+on the edge of your plate. It is also served as an _entrée_ raw, the
+stalks stuffed with Parmesan cheese. It should then be eaten with a
+fork.
+
+_Entrées_ require a fork only. Among these are patties, _rissoles_,
+_croquettes_, and sweetbreads.
+
+_Mushrooms_ are eaten with a fork, and served as a separate course in
+lieu of an _entrée_.
+
+_Terrapin_ is served sometimes in little silver saucepans either as an
+_entrée_ or as fish, and again in a chafing dish, and sometimes with
+salad. It is more of a supper than a dinner plat, and should be eaten
+with a fork.
+
+_Asparagus_ is eaten, except in the intimate privacy of your own family
+circle, with a fork. Cut the points off with the end of the prongs. The
+stalk or white part is not eaten. It is allowable to eat it with your
+fingers, as I have said, in private. It is served after the roast as a
+special course. One can not drink _champagne_ with _asparagus_ except at
+the risk of a severe headache.
+
+_Artichokes_ are served as a separate course after the roast. They
+should be placed in the center of your plate and the inside tips of the
+leaves alone eaten. The leaves are removed with the fingers and dipped
+in salt, _sauce vinaigrette_, or melted butter. The center of the
+artichoke is called the heart. The hairy part is removed with the fork,
+and the heart itself, which is deliciously tender, is conveyed to the
+mouth with the fork.
+
+_Champagne_ is served in small tumblers or claret glasses. The champagne
+stem glasses are out of fashion. The _dry_ may be served from the fish
+to the close of dinner, but the old rule was to give it with the roast,
+_claret_ with the _entrée_, and _Burgundy_ with the game.
+
+_Salad_ is eaten with a fork only. In cutting _game_ or _poultry_, the
+bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers, but
+the meat cut close off. It is better to sever the wing at the joint.
+
+_Savories_, a species of salt fish and cheese sandwich, is served in
+England hot, about the end of dinner. They should be eaten with a fork.
+Undressed salad is sometimes served with them, or radishes, butter, and
+cheese. This is the only occasion when one sees butter on a dinner
+table, and this at informal dinners. The salad undressed can be eaten
+with the fingers. At bachelor dinners and at luncheons _cheese_ is
+served with salad. The French soft cheeses are the favorites.
+
+_Pastry_, _ices_, and _desserts_ are eaten with a fork.
+
+_Fruit_, such as peaches, pears, and apples, are served frequently
+already pared. When this is the case, finger bowls are dispensed with,
+but as yet this is not a general rule. Usually at dessert there is
+placed before you a finger glass and doily and a dessert plate, with the
+dessert knife and fork on either side. Remove the glass and doily; put
+it in front of your plate a little to the right. _Fruit_ must be pared
+or peeled with a silver knife.
+
+_Strawberries_ are now served with the stems on, and sugar and cream are
+passed around and are taken on your dessert plate.
+
+_Pineapples_ are eaten with a fork. A cracker is used for nuts, and
+silver picks are brought in with the dessert.
+
+_Corn_ on the cob is a favorite at small informal dinners as a separate
+course. In polite society you must remove the grains of the corn with
+your fork or your knife and fork, and never eat it off the cob holding
+the end with your fingers. By holding one end with your napkin, you can
+plow down the furrow of the grains with your fork, and you will find
+that they will fall off easily. _Corn_ is always served, when given in
+this style, on a white napkin. You help yourself to the ear with your
+fingers.
+
+_Macaroni_ and _spaghetti_ should only be eaten with a fork. In New
+Orleans boiled _shrimps_ are often served at small dinners. The skins
+and heads are on, and you remove these with your fingers. After this
+course finger bowls with orange leaves are passed around, and the
+perfume of the water will remove the odor of fish from your fingers.
+
+_Black coffee_ is served after dinner. Milk or cream does not accompany
+it, except in the country, where sometimes a little silver pitcher of
+cream is placed on the tray. Coffee is drunk from small cups. Coffee and
+milk are never served during dinner, nor again is iced milk. These are
+barbarisms. Chartreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac are the _liqueurs_
+usually served after dinner.
+
+_Claret_, in many French families, especially those of the middle class,
+is placed on the table in decanters. You are expected to help yourself.
+There are also _carafons_ or decanters of water to mix with the wine.
+The claret decanters are called _carafes_. Claret is drunk at the twelve
+o'clock _dejeuner_ as well as at dinner.
+
+_Tea_ is passed around in old-fashioned English houses about an hour
+after dinner. In some places buttered muffins accompany it, but this
+extra refreshment is only seen now in very old-fashioned houses.
+
+_Scotch whisky_ and hot water or mineral waters are served in country
+houses before bedtime.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST.
+
+LUNCHEONS, DINNERS, THEATER PARTIES, CLUB AND RESTAURANT SUPPERS,
+AND OTHER BACHELOR ENTERTAINMENTS.
+
+
+The bachelor who entertains is a most popular member of society. It does
+not cost a fortune to return in some manner the civilities once
+received, and every man, even if his income be limited, can once in a
+while entertain, even if it be on a very small scale and in a very
+modest way. Bachelor functions are always enjoyable. For a host of
+moderate income, I would suggest a luncheon, a dinner, or a party to the
+play, followed by a little supper.
+
+A bachelor luncheon can be given either at the host's apartments or
+chambers, at a restaurant, or in the ladies' annex of his club, if that
+organization possesses such an institution.
+
+At all entertainments given under a bachelor's vine and fig tree,
+extreme simplicity should be a characteristic. The table linen should be
+of the finest damask, or the best material his income will allow; the
+glass perfectly plain, clear crystal, the china of a rich but quiet
+pattern, the silver good but absolutely without ornamental devices of
+any kind. In fact, the silver can be limited to forks and spoons, and
+the rest Sheffield or prince's plate. Silver is not expensive, but plate
+is considered quite smart, and it has the advantage of being utterly
+valueless from the burglar's point of view.
+
+Individual salt and pepper affairs, cut or colored glass, or the hundred
+and one knick-knacks which one sees advertised and which eventually find
+their way to the boarding-house table, are vulgar.
+
+Before your cloth is laid you should have a cover of felt placed over
+the table, so as to form a shield between it and the damask or linen. In
+the center goes a silver or plated fernery, filled with ferns and
+asparagus vines, on a mirror tray, or an _épergne_ with fruit. Two
+heavy, old-fashioned decanters in Queen Anne coasters should be placed,
+one at your right and the other at the right of your _vis-à-vis_. These
+contain sherry and claret. Four plain silver, plated, or china dishes
+are at the corners with salted almonds, olives, _bonbons_, and fancy
+cakes. If you wish to be very effective and have the money to spare, it
+is smart at a dinner to have silver candlesticks with candles or tiny
+lamps gleaming behind red or pink shades at each cover. Two or three
+forks are laid at the left of each plate. If more are required, your
+servant will replace them. On the right of the plate are the knives,
+including one for the roast, with the tablespoon for the soup, if it is
+a dinner, and the oyster fork. The napkins should be plain and flat, and
+contain a roll of bread. These hints for arranging the table will do for
+either luncheon or dinner. Not one of the articles is in itself
+expensive, and you may possess them all with the accumulation of years.
+If not, a simpler arrangement could be effected, or you could give the
+entertainment at a restaurant instead of your rooms or house. The
+invitations can be either verbal or written, but at best a luncheon or
+dinner in a bachelor's apartments is regarded as a little frolic, and
+you must try to preserve the spirit and waive the formalities.
+
+A chaperon, of course, is necessary. The party can be limited to about
+eight. If you have a manservant he should be dressed in black coat and
+trousers, white shirt, standing collar and tie, and liveried waistcoat.
+His duties are to open the door and to serve the luncheon. But a
+manservant is not necessary. Some of the smartest bachelors in New York
+give delightful little dinners and luncheons at their apartments, at
+which the maid who has cooked the meal, dressed in white apron and black
+gown, also serves it.
+
+The _menu_ should be the usual one expected at luncheons, but champagne
+is never offered by a man to women in his apartments, unless at dinner
+or a theater supper. If a wealthy bachelor has a large house, and
+instead of one there are a number of matrons chaperoning, the case is
+different. Manhattan or Martini cocktails could be passed around before
+luncheon, or some little peculiar dish be served to give a zest to the
+occasion.
+
+_A bachelor's dinner_ at his house or apartments is a more formal
+entertainment, but it differs in nowise from a regular function of that
+character. The chaperon takes the place of the lady of the house for
+that occasion. Dressing rooms are arranged for the men and women, and
+the same ceremonies observed as at any formal dinner. If the affair is
+given in apartments, of course the character must be more or less
+informal, as the accommodations are limited. Should you have a man serve
+at your dinner, he must be in evening dress. Both at dinner and at
+luncheon he must have gloves, but this is not required of a maid.
+
+A bachelor's supper in his own apartments is sometimes given after the
+play. Of the _menu_, I will speak a little farther on. A chafing-dish
+supper is, however, an unique and enjoyable entertainment. Several
+chafing dishes should be ready, so that each course can follow without
+delay. Terrapin, truffled eggs, curried oysters, and other dainties of
+this kind comprise usually the _menu_. It would be well to serve first
+oysters on the half shell, followed by lobster _à la Newburg_, the
+latter being the first _plat_ cooked with the chafing dish. Champagne is
+a good wine, and allowable for a chafing-dish supper; but if Welsh
+rarebits are the _chef d'Å“uvre_, then beer or ale would be better.
+
+_A theater party_ should be confined to eight or ten. A _parti
+carré_--four people--is delightful. Unmarried women do not go to
+theaters or restaurants with a man alone. They must be chaperoned, even
+at a matinée or a luncheon party at a hotel or restaurant--in fact, an
+unmarried couple is seldom seen at public places in New York, unless
+they are engaged, and married women are as much compromised as unmarried
+ones by indifference to this absolute rule of etiquette.
+
+The invitations can be either verbal or written. In the season it is
+better to write them, to insure the acceptance of guests. Be careful in
+the wording to give not only the evening, but the name of the play and
+the theater. For a party, always secure end seats, and there will be no
+disturbing of others in case you might be a little late. A box is
+necessary at the circus or at a music hall, but orchestra seats or
+stalls are the best selection for a bachelor's party. Many mothers
+object to their daughters being seen at the theater in a proscenium box.
+
+The rendezvous or meeting place should be at the chaperon's. The
+vestibule of the theater is awkward, except for parties of four. A stage
+is the best vehicle to convey your guests to the playhouse. At the
+theater the host sees that his guests are provided with playbills. He
+gives the tickets to the usher, and precedes the party down the aisle.
+He indicates the order of sitting. A man should go in first, followed by
+the woman with whom he is to sit, and then, thus sandwiched, the rest
+of the party file in, the host taking the aisle or end seat. The host
+sits next to the chaperon. Gentlemen do not go out between the acts at
+the theater, but sometimes, when there is a party to the opera, they can
+leave their seats if other men come to visit the ladies. A man going in
+or out a theater aisle should do so with his face toward the stage and
+his back to the seat. A host never leaves his guests. After the play go
+a little ahead and give your carriage check to the porter as soon as
+possible, so that there may not be a long wait. The porter expects a
+small fee. All theater parties are followed by a supper given either at
+a restaurant, at the club, in the ladies' annex, or at your bachelor
+apartments.
+
+All luncheons, dinners, or suppers at a restaurant, unless organized on
+the spur of the moment, are ordered beforehand, and everything,
+including the waiter's tip, arranged and settled for. If you have not an
+account at the restaurant, pay the bill at the time you order the _menu_
+and reserve the table. Flowers should be included, and a centerpiece of
+roses, which are so arranged as to come apart and be distributed in
+bunches to each of your fair guests, is one of the favorite devices.
+Small _boutonnières_ are provided for the men. The public restaurant or
+dining room is the place for a bachelor supper when ladies are guests. A
+private room is not proper, and your guests want to see and be seen. The
+chaperon is seated at the right hand of the host, unless the party is
+given in honor of a particular woman, in which case she has that place.
+The chaperon is then at your left. Wraps and coats are taken off in the
+hall of the restaurant and checked. There is no order of entry, except
+that the host should precede and the others follow.
+
+The usual _menu_ for a theater supper is:
+
+I. Clams or oysters on the half shell.
+
+II. Bouillon in cups.
+
+III. Chicken _croquettes_ or sweetbreads with peas, or lobster _à la
+Newburg_.
+
+IV. Terrapin or birds with salad.
+
+V. Ices, cakes, _café noir_, _bonbons_.
+
+VI. _Liqueurs_.
+
+With the oysters or clams white wine is served. Champagne follows the
+bouillon until the end of the supper.
+
+After supper the party usually returns to the residence of the chaperon,
+where the unmarried women have their maids and family escorts awaiting
+them. The host accompanies them to the chaperon's house, but the other
+men take leave at the restaurant. The chaperon may have it arranged to
+have dancing at her house, in which case the party return with her after
+supper.
+
+_A supper in the ladies' annex_ in nowise differs from this, except that
+you do not tip the waiter or pay the bill, but have it charged in your
+monthly account.
+
+The _menu_ for a supper at your own apartments follows the same lines as
+those already given.
+
+_Theater clubs_ are associations of women and men, all subscribing,
+meeting at the houses of different members, one of whom gives the
+supper.
+
+_Bachelors' dances_ or _balls_ are given at a large hall by a number of
+unmarried men, who subscribe a certain amount each. A number of
+well-known matrons are asked to receive the guests, and a cotillon
+usually follows the supper.
+
+_Impromptu lunches_, _dinners_, or _suppers_ at restaurants sometimes
+require the immediate settlement of the account. Be careful to draw from
+your pocketbook a bill of large denomination, and not a handful of
+change. Do not con over or dispute the items. If you have an account,
+simply sign the check. If not, it is best to give the waiter his tip and
+go to the desk and pay while the members of your party are getting their
+wraps.
+
+_Dinners at restaurants_ are frequently given by bachelors, and are
+followed by a visit to the theater. The rendezvous is either at the
+house of the chaperon or at the restaurant itself, should the party be
+limited in number.
+
+The _menu_ varies according to the season. Six courses, including raw
+oysters or clams, soup, fish, _entrée_, roast and vegetables, birds and
+salad, ices and dessert, are sufficient. The form and manner of
+entertaining at a dinner of this kind are similar to those observed at
+suppers.
+
+To a man who frequently entertains, and at a particular restaurant, an
+occasional tip to the head waiter would be of service. This is a word to
+the wise.
+
+_Card parties_ for the playing of whist, domino, or poker are often
+given by bachelors at their apartments or residences. In apartments this
+class of entertainment is only for men. Women should not go to
+bachelors' apartments except for luncheon, dinner, or supper. In a
+bachelor's house, however, any entertainment can be given. Small stakes
+are played for and the usual supper follows. The _farewell bachelor
+dinner_ will have its proper place in the chapter on Wedding Etiquette.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+THE COUNTRY HOUSE.
+
+THE BACHELOR AS HOST.--THE BACHELOR AS GUEST.
+
+
+Bachelors, whose incomes are of all sizes and conditions, can have some
+kind of a country house. It may be a fishing lodge, a hunting box,
+maintained by three or four men clubbing together; a small cottage
+plainly and simply furnished at the seashore, near golf links, or in a
+good neighborhood; or again a large establishment, a villa at Newport or
+in a fashionable colony with a retinue of servants and a stable filled
+with horses. Whichever it might be, open hospitality, as much as it is
+in your power, should prevail. However, never attempt anything more than
+you can accomplish, and by all means do not run into debt. To a fishing
+or hunting lodge men only should be invited. It should be furnished with
+the mere necessaries, and hung with fishing and hunting prints and
+trophies of the chase. The hall serves as sitting and even mess room. A
+man of all work or an old married couple are the best servants. Ample
+supplies are sent from town, but the leading idea is roughing it, and
+the table is partially supplied by the game and fish brought back by you
+and your friends. When the term of the visit of your guests expires,
+each should be able to bring home a basket of fish or some game. From
+time to time send to any of your hostesses of the winter something from
+your preserves. These attentions are much appreciated.
+
+A truck farm or a small country place near town, which may have either
+fallen to you by inheritance or which you may have purchased, or which
+you have for kennels or for your horses, can also be used for
+entertaining. Even in the largest of these houses the plan of furnishing
+is substantially the same. There should be a masculine note throughout
+the entire scheme. The furniture should be old-fashioned, and the
+pictures sporting and hunting prints and steel engravings. There should
+be an air of homeliness and open hospitality about the place. It should
+look as if it were verily Liberty Hall.
+
+A tract of unprofitable land could be converted into golf links and a
+tennis court laid out. A picnic is the popular form in which bachelors
+who have such a possession may entertain. Some fifty to one hundred
+people can be invited, and a special train or boat, if the place is too
+far from the city for a drive, chartered for their accommodation. The
+invitations should state the hour at which this train or boat would
+leave the city. Stages await the guests at the country station and bring
+them up to the house. Cocktails, drinkables, claret cup, tea, and
+sandwiches are served on their arrival. There should be no fixed
+programme of amusement. Luncheon, or luncheon and dinner both, according
+to the length of stay, could be served, and the _menu_ should embrace a
+few courses of country fare. Dancing in the barn during the afternoon
+will be another form of entertainment, or if you wish to give an
+elaborate entertainment, vaudeville performers might be hired for the
+hour after luncheon.
+
+In a large establishment the bachelor who entertains usually has
+residing with him a sister or female relative who acts as hostess. One
+of the delights of a wealthy bachelor is to have a large and
+well-appointed stable with a number of traps which are at the
+disposition of his guests.
+
+A bachelor host always drives to the station or boat to meet his guests.
+A drag, three-seated surrey, or a station van would be the smart
+vehicle. I am now writing of a man of large means. The method of
+entertaining should be the English one, without any fixed programme for
+the days of the guests' stay. Only when there is shooting, the party is
+expected to assemble in the morning. If there is a local club, your men
+guests should be put up at it, and the entire party made visiting
+members of the neighboring casino. The rest is conveyed in the advice to
+have always plenty of good cheer and to entertain the visitors as much
+as possible. In these houses there is much drinking, possibly, and
+perhaps cards, but a young man who is a guest should be firm enough to
+resist temptation, and to stand by his convictions.
+
+One word more, and this applies to many country houses, if not all of
+them. See that your guests' bedrooms are provided with soap, hair and
+clothes' brushes, and toilet articles. The desk should be filled with
+letter paper and envelopes, and if you want to appear very fashionable,
+the stationery should have the name of your place in blue or red
+letters at the top or in the right-hand corner of the first sheet. Many
+convivial souls place on a side table in each room mineral water,
+cigarettes, cigars, and the inevitable decanter.
+
+When you are a guest you are met at the station by one of your host's
+traps. Do not be surprised, however, if you do not find this
+accommodation. It is considered very English, I know not why, to allow
+bachelors to reach a country house by the best means they can find at
+the station or landing. You are received by your host, and after
+refreshment are shown to your room. If you arrive late in the afternoon
+you do not see your hostess, but dress for dinner and find her in the
+drawing room when you go downstairs. You are expected to conform to the
+rules of the house as to the hours for meals, and to place yourself at
+the service of your hostess. You must certainly appear at any function
+which has been arranged for you, and it is very impolite to accept,
+during your stay, any outside invitation to any affair to which your
+host and hostess have not also been asked. If you have a valet you may
+bring him with you, but you must certainly notify your host of this
+intention. Few houses in this country have the accommodations necessary
+for outside servants.
+
+Tipping is demoralizing, but it is an accepted custom. On your departure
+after a short stay, at Newport or a very fashionable resort, the servant
+who attends you should have five dollars, the butler five dollars, the
+coachman five dollars, and the chambermaid two dollars. At smaller
+places five dollars altogether, judiciously distributed, is ample, or a
+dollar each to three of the servants.
+
+The first-mentioned amounts can be placed in envelopes and given to the
+servant attending you for the others. All this is a question of
+resources, and there are many men who avoid invitations to the large
+country houses in the East and North because they can not afford the
+tips. In England, when one is invited to the shooting, one tips the
+gamekeeper one to five pounds, according to the extent of the bag and
+duration of visit.
+
+The usual method of inviting men in this country for a short stay is
+from Friday or Saturday until Monday. It has often been a puzzle to them
+as to what they should take in their bag or how much luggage they should
+carry. At most not more than a good-sized bag or valise and perhaps a
+hatbox. For an evening's stay a dress-suit case is sufficient. In your
+valise must be placed your evening clothes, and if the party is to be
+somewhat of an informal one, I would also take my dinner jacket. If you
+are going to a very fashionable resort, a black frock coat, waistcoat,
+and fancy trousers would not be amiss, but in that case you would have
+also to take a hatbox for your top hat. Of recent years men in the
+country have been consulting their comfort more than absolute accuracy
+in the details of dress. Even at garden parties, at church, and at
+afternoon teas during the month of August at Newport, which is, after
+all, only the fashionable metropolis transported to another locality for
+the summer, you seldom see a frock coat or a top hat. Unless you are
+sure that there will be an occasion where these would be positively
+required, I would not take them, especially on so short a visit. The
+linen to be brought should consist of a dress shirt for each evening and
+a colored shirt for each morning, half a dozen handkerchiefs, two
+complete changes of underclothes, three pairs of ordinary and two pairs
+of black silk hose, and a pair of pyjamas. Take three of your ties for
+day wear and four white lawn for evening, and one black in case you are
+to use your dinner jacket. Slippers for the bedroom and pumps for
+evening wear should complete the clothing carried, unless you take your
+frock coat, when you would have to bring patent leather boots to wear
+with afternoon dress. I have given rather a liberal allowance of
+articles for a short stay, but one must be prepared for accidents or
+emergencies. It is better to take an extra shirt, or a change of
+underclothes, or a few more ties than one could ordinarily use, so that
+some _contretemps_ would not cause great annoyance and inconvenience. In
+the absence of a dressing case, care must be taken of the articles for
+the toilet. The tooth, nail, and shaving brushes, the sponges and
+washrags, should be packed in little waterproof silk bags, which can be
+obtained at a small price at any chemist's. Your host or hostess should
+provide you with soap, but I would not take the risk. I should bring my
+own in a little metal soapbox or well wrapped in thick paper. Your
+shaving articles, a shoehorn, button hook, nail file, small pair of nail
+scissors, tooth powder, or listerine should not be forgotten. The large
+articles, your combs and your brushes, can all be wrapped separately in
+tissue paper. It would be gallant of you to bring a box of sweets for
+your hostess.
+
+If you are asked to play golf, it might be more convenient to travel in
+your golf togs, which would serve as a lounge suit. But in that case a
+pair of long trousers to match your coat and waistcoat, or an entire
+lounge suit should be carried, as on Sunday you would be very
+uncomfortable in golf dress, and somewhat out of place. Or you might put
+your "knickers" in the bag, and wear the coat and waistcoat with long
+trousers.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS.
+
+
+As soon as a bachelor begins to branch out a little and to have an
+apartment or a house or a country establishment, though the latter be
+only a fishing or a hunting box, he must hire servants. The general
+servant is perhaps the one most universally employed. Many bachelors
+hire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking, but takes
+care of the apartment, valets him, and waits at table when he has guests
+to dinner. Others employ a man to look after them, who is valet and
+general _factotum_, and others again, with larger establishments, a man
+and wife. The former does the valeting, the waiting, and is steward and
+butler, while the woman attends to the cooking and laundry. There are
+quite a number of bachelor households of this description in our large
+cities, the occupants being several in number and clubbing together. One
+is appointed treasurer, and the butler and cook are hired at a stated
+price and receive a certain sum for catering. When good servants of this
+kind are found they are treasures.
+
+All menservants should be clean shaven. A short bit of side whiskers--_à
+la_ mutton chop--is allowed; but under no circumstances should they have
+bearded faces or wear a mustache. Their linen and attire should be
+faultless. In the treatment of servants a man must exercise an iron
+will. He can be kind and considerate, but he must never descend to
+dispute with one, and certainly not swear at him. To be on familiar
+terms with one's servants shows the cloven foot of vulgarity. Discharge
+a servant at once when he is disrespectful or when he is careless in his
+duties or in his conduct. When asking for anything there is no necessity
+of forgetting the elements of true politeness, nor is it a blot on your
+deportment to utter a civil "thank you" for a service performed. All
+servants should address you as "Sir," and when called should reply "Yes,
+sir," and certainly not "All right." Your menservants touch their hats
+to you on receiving orders in the open, on being addressed, and upon
+your appearance. Encourage your servants now and then by a kind word,
+and see that they have good and wholesome food, clean and comfortable
+quarters. Once in a while give them a holiday, or an evening off, a cash
+remembrance at Christmas, and from time to time some part of your
+wardrobe or cast-off clothing. They are just like children, and must be
+treated with the rigor and mild discipline which a schoolmaster uses
+toward his pupils. In all their movements they should be noiseless and
+as automatic as possible in their actions.
+
+And now for particular servants hired by a bachelor:
+
+The _groom_ is, with the exception of the general servant, the first
+domestic likely to be in the employ of an unmarried man of moderate
+means. When a bachelor becomes a horse owner he can never be too
+particular about his turnouts and his liveries. The groom in the city or
+at a fashionable watering place should have two liveries--one for dress
+occasions and the other for what is known as a "stable suit." The
+latter, which is a simple English tweed or whipcord, made with a cutaway
+coat of the same material, will answer perfectly well for the country,
+where it is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries. A square brown Derby
+is worn with this suit, brown English driving gloves, and a white
+plastron or coachman's scarf. This flat scarf is the badge of
+distinction between the house and stable servant. No tie pin nor
+trinkets of any description should be allowed servants. The best dress
+livery is a frock coat, single-breasted, of kersey, the color of your
+livery; white buckskin riding breeches, top boots, top hat, white
+plastron, standing collar, and brown driving gloves. One distinctive
+color should be used, not only for your liveries but also for your
+traps, as well as one kind of harness. The cockade on the hat is the
+privilege abroad of ambassadors; it is bad form. Besides the care of
+your horse or horses, your groom must be a species of outside general
+servant, ready to go on errands or attend to the numerous duties of a
+manservant about a country place. By no means can he be substituted for
+a valet, a butler, or an indoor servant. When he brings your trap to the
+door he holds the animals' heads until you are seated, when he touches
+his hat and lets go the reins. If he is to sit behind in the trap he
+must hold himself upright with folded arms. He alights immediately the
+trap is stopped, running all errands, and holding the horses until the
+drive is resumed. He sometimes accompanies his master when the latter
+rides. He brings his horse to the door and holds it until the mount. He
+follows, occasionally, on another horse at a respectful distance. Should
+you be wealthy enough to have also a coachman, your groom can act as
+second man on the box. A coachman's dress livery consists of a
+double-breasted long coachman's coat, top boots, and buckskin breeches,
+white flat plastron, high collar and top hat, and brown driving gloves.
+When both servants are employed the groom is under the orders of the
+coachman as regards the stable work.
+
+_The Valet._--Of course a valet is a luxury. A man can valet himself
+very easily, and if the instructions given in the chapters on the Care
+of Clothes and The Toilet are followed carefully, I hardly think that
+you would need such a personage. A woman can be perfectly trained to
+valet a man. Your general servant can also, and is required to fill this
+position. If you live at a club the club valet will attend to your
+clothes, and perform the duties of a private servant. There are
+"valeting companies" organized in many large cities, which take entire
+charge of your wardrobe, and again there are valets who are hired by
+several men clubbing together, and who are very capable servants. The
+individual valet, however, is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor of
+wealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, or if he goes out a great
+deal in society. A valet's duties are first and principally the entire
+charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, the details of which have
+been given in previous chapters. They begin an hour or so before the
+master rises, when clothes are to be pressed and put in order, boots and
+shoes to be polished and placed on their trees, and the costume of the
+day to be made ready. If possible, a small room is provided for him as
+his workshop.
+
+At the hour for rising, the valet enters his master's room very quietly,
+and, if he is awake, pulls up the shades and lets in the daylight. The
+bath is then prepared, and while that is being taken the newspapers,
+mail, and breakfast tray are brought in, and the valet waits for orders.
+Some men require their valets to shave them, but the majority simply
+intrust the care of their razors to them, preferring to perform that
+operation themselves. The valet assists his master in dressing, and,
+when the toilet is finished, ties or buttons the boots, arranges the
+spats, and gives a final brush to the clothes. He then fetches the
+stick, gloves, and hat. During the day he may be employed on errands,
+in answering tradespeople, in paying bills, or in any minor occupations
+of that kind. A first-class servant of this character should not only be
+steward but secretary. When writing letters for his master he should
+write them in the third person, and also sign them "Respectfully yours,
+JOHN SMITH, _valet_."
+
+A valet is told of the engagements of the day, and has the clothes
+arranged accordingly, and he must be at his post. In the evening the
+dress suit is laid out, with choice of ties and two coats, the formal
+and informal, or Tuxedo. A valet must be at the rooms when his master
+retires. In traveling he takes care of the luggage, tickets, and all the
+little annoying details. He travels second class abroad, and in this
+country he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a drawing-room
+car with his master. The valet wears no livery. He dresses quietly in a
+plain sack suit of dark material, and wears a Derby hat. Should he be
+required to wait on table, he dresses in semi-livery if the affair is a
+luncheon, and in evening dress if it is a dinner.
+
+The _butler_ is a very rare functionary in a bachelor's establishment,
+only the wealthiest being able to afford him. The valet or general
+servant acts as butler, and when in this position he should always have
+a black coat on when answering the bell.
+
+I have used the terms throughout this chapter of "master" and "servant."
+Employer and employee are correct only when the relations between the
+two persons are not of a domestic character.
+
+The most fashionable and efficient menservants are of English, Scotch,
+or Irish birth or descent. Japanese make excellent valets. Colored
+coachmen and grooms are not the vogue in New York or vicinity, but they
+are seen in the South. Very wealthy bachelors have introduced a fad for
+East Indian servants, but at present only a few of these have been
+employed, and those at Newport.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+THE DANCE.
+
+
+This is certainly a most important subject, and one which can not be
+lightly treated. I have thought it better to use exclusively the New
+York forms, which differ somewhat from the English, the French, and
+continental, as well as from a certain code of etiquette prevailing in
+other American cities.
+
+I shall therefore, as we have no State balls or ceremonials of that
+character, consider public assemblages, a few of which are patronized by
+society in New York and elsewhere.
+
+Of absolutely public balls the only one which society attends is the
+Charity. In New York this has fallen somewhat in fashionable popularity,
+although efforts are being made to revive it. In Chicago and in other
+cities it is still a very fashionable function. It is there well
+patronized and is considered smart. Tickets to the Charity are sold by
+a number of lady patronesses, and you are apt to receive one or several
+from some of them, if you are a rich young man, with a request to
+purchase. If the note states that you are expected to be a guest you are
+simply to answer it, as you would any other invitation, and certainly
+not to inclose any money. Patronesses frequently are named because it is
+expected that they will purchase quite a number of tickets. And here let
+me give a useful hint. In sending money to this and for charitable
+entertainments in general, always do it by check; never inclose bills.
+If you must use cash, keep it for your small tradespeople.
+
+Everything may be said to have its price at a Charity Ball. Supper is
+sometimes included with the ticket. The repast is usually rather poor,
+but then you must remember it is for charity. Perhaps you will be asked
+some time in advance by the patronesses to be one in the "grand march."
+The "grand march" proper is a form of exhibition long since relegated to
+balls of the "Tough Boys' Coterie" and other assemblages of the same
+class. But it has survived, in place of a lancers or quadrille of honor,
+at the Charity Ball, and we have either to go through with it or watch
+it from the boxes with Christian patience. If you are to take part, I
+would advise you to present yourself at the hall or opera house about
+nine o'clock. The floor manager will do the rest. You are to offer your
+left arm to the lady you are taking out, and you march around the place
+in regular line, sometimes once, sometimes twice, and the agony is over.
+The company assembled does not join in this ceremony, and the formation
+of figures and countermarches is an affair in vogue at balls of a
+different class, which I should imagine none of my readers would
+patronize or even "hear tell of," except through the newspapers.
+
+The Inauguration Ball in Washington, as well as the New Years'
+receptions at the different embassies' and secretaries' houses, are
+public functions to which the populace get admittance. They are crushes
+of the worst description, and at many of them refreshments are served.
+Except to make an obeisance to your distinguished host and hostess--if
+to the President, shaking hands with him--no other ceremony is needed.
+
+At Newport and at other watering places there are during the season
+semipublic dances at the Casino. Any one who subscribes to that place of
+amusement is entitled to all the social privileges. The tickets can be
+obtained from the secretary or his agent.
+
+In every city there is an assembly or dancing organization on the lines
+of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs in New York. This is in itself not
+original with the "Four Hundred"--vulgar term!--but was copied from the
+St. Cecilia, the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristocratic
+Charleston, where it has existed since the days of the Revolution. The
+assemblies proper in New York are called the Matriarchs. The
+arrangements are in the hands of a number of fashionable women instead
+of men. The plan of all these organizations is practically the same. In
+order to make matters easy and to pilot my reader through the
+intricacies of a fashionable ball, I will suppose that he is a stranger
+in New York, with some smart friends, and that he is going either to the
+Patriarchs' or to the Assembly. The rules laid down will hold good for
+other cities. Your first intimation may be while visiting at the house
+of one of the patrons or patronesses, when your hostess or host may ask
+you if you would like to go to the Assembly or the Patriarchs'. If you
+have no other engagement for that evening--and I think it would be
+policy for you to make others subservient to this--you should reply
+that you would be delighted to do so. Your host or hostess will then say
+that he or she will send you a ticket. This may be one way, or you may
+receive a note asking if you are free for that particular date, whether
+"would you like to go to the Assembly?" etc., or again, you might simply
+receive a note with a ticket. In any one of these cases, just as soon as
+you receive the ticket you must answer your correspondent immediately,
+accepting, or, if you can not go, regretting and returning it. You must
+remember that all tickets are personal and each Patriarch or each
+patroness has only a certain number.
+
+I would, if there were time between the date for the ball and the
+reception of your ticket, call or leave cards personally on your hostess
+or host for the evening, according to rules in a former chapter. I do
+not believe this is considered necessary in New York, and perhaps some
+people would think you were straining a point, but New York "society"
+manners to-day are not all that could be desired.
+
+The evening arrives. Balls and dances are theoretically supposed to
+begin at ten o'clock. You can safely go a little after eleven. You will
+be early enough. Your ticket is received, your hat and coat removed,
+your hat check given, and you proceed to the ballroom.
+
+It is almost needless for me to tell you how to dress for this occasion.
+At dances of any kind, formal evening dress is required.
+
+On entering the room, if it is at the Assembly, you will encounter a
+line of patronesses. You should make a low, sweeping bow to them and, if
+convenient, speak to your hostess, be it only a few words of greeting.
+If not at that time, select a later hour in the evening. No one shakes
+hands.
+
+You look around to find your friends and acquaintances. At the
+Patriarchs' the chaperons sit upon a raised platform, or dais, I might
+call it, all together. Their charges, once away from them, are around
+the rooms. In nearly all the cities, except New York, every guest is
+provided with a dancing card, which makes the keeping of dancing
+engagements a part of the festivity. New York is too large for such
+things, and dancing cards have been relegated to the realms of innocuous
+desuetude. However, if you are at a ball or a dance in another city
+where they are used, your first duty would be to have your engagements
+filled. You should remain with your partner after each dance until her
+next cavalier appears.
+
+New Yorkers are sensible, if only for this reason, for having banished
+the dance card. It is hard for a man to tell a woman he must leave her,
+but I think it is better by far to do so than to appear rude to your
+succeeding partner. A woman who has so little regard for you and such
+selfish consideration for herself does not deserve to be handled with
+gloves. And yet it needs a heroic soul to abandon her in a crowded
+ballroom, even if it is to lead her back to her chaperon.
+
+In New York everything is simplified. There exist no such social
+complications. Everybody is more or less grouped together, and you
+generally know in which part of the room you are to find your friends.
+You exchange greetings with the women you know, and if you wish to ask
+one of them to dance, you say, "May I have the pleasure of this turn
+with you?" or "Can I have a turn with you?" It is absolutely impossible
+to keep dance engagements, and you are obliged, perhaps, to snatch a
+dance whenever you can get it. After your turn you must always manage to
+stop at about the point where you began. You will be sure to find your
+partner's chaperon just at that place. There are two reasons for
+this--one is that the man with whom your partner has engaged weeks, if
+not months, before (one has to do this in New York) to dance the
+cotillon has reserved his chairs there, and she has told many of her
+friends just about in which part of the ballroom she may be found; and
+another is that New York women, under all circumstances, keep a
+distinctive place in a ballroom.
+
+A gentleman never dances without gloves. He always puts them on before
+entering the ballroom. A man should dance easily and gracefully, and
+look as if he were enjoying himself. He should be careful about guiding
+and not running into people. Swinging the hands is vulgar and unsightly.
+The waltz seems to survive all other forms of dancing, but there is
+every now and then a revival of the polka. Two steps and fancy dances
+are the vogue at summer hotels, but not at smart functions.
+
+The quadrille of to-day is the simple lancers, and some years ago it was
+a silly fad to pretend not to remember the figures. A little life and
+spirit are sometimes introduced in the lancers when the gathering is
+small, and among intimate friends there is more or less occasion for it.
+The barn dance has gone out of fashion entirely in America, but our
+English cousins, especially those living in the country and in Suburbia,
+are very fond of it. Balls frequently end with Sir Roger de Coverley,
+the English form of the Virginia reel.
+
+About two o'clock supper is announced, and this is done all over the
+world, I believe, by the strains of the Priests' March in Norma. So it
+was in my grandfather's day, and so it is to-day and was at the very
+last Patriarchs', the very last Assembly, and the very last large ball
+at Newport. Engagements for supper are made in New York weeks or even
+months beforehand. You should settle this with your partner, and as
+supper is served at tables of parties of four or six, an agreeable
+quartette or sextette can be secured. Parties are never less than four,
+and a girl who sups alone with a man, even at the Patriarchs', is
+considered very fast, and by such impudent behavior would lose caste.
+You should arrange with your partner, therefore, to be as near the
+supper-room door as possible about the supper hour. There is always a
+rush and a crush, and no tables are reserved except those for the
+patronesses or the Patriarchs. Two of the party should get in early and
+reserve the table and wait until the rest arrive. Ball suppers are
+nearly all alike. Four or five courses, which commence with oysters,
+are followed by bouillon, and then terrapin and birds, and salad and
+ices, fruit and coffee. Three kinds of wine are served, and champagne
+forms the chief. Many matrons even will not allow their daughters to go
+to supper without being chaperoned, and so when you ask your partner she
+will sometimes have her parents obtain the table. Should you be asked to
+the table of one of the patronesses, you will have a partner provided
+for you. Remember the first engagement should always be kept, and if a
+patroness should honor you with such an invitation, and you have made
+prior arrangements, you should at once explain by note your position,
+which will be a sufficient excuse to your would-be hostess.
+
+After supper the cotillon, or German, as it is sometimes called, is
+danced.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+THE COTILLON.
+
+
+At large balls, like the Patriarchs', there is hardly time for more than
+two or three figures and one favor figure. It is almost useless for me
+to go into the history of the cotillon, and I do not believe that it
+would be of any service to my readers. We imported it from France about
+the same time as the English, and it owes its origin, I believe, to
+Germany. For the past thirty years it has been a favorite form of dance.
+It is picturesque and amusing, and, besides, gives the opportunity for
+the exchange among the dancers of pretty trifles provided by the
+generosity of the host. At large semipublic balls like the Patriarchs'
+(I use "semipublic" simply because given by a number and not in a
+private house) the favors are very simple, but at special cotillons or
+at those danced at private houses they are extremely elaborate and
+costly.
+
+Cotillon seats are generally secured in the early part of the evening by
+tying handkerchiefs to the backs of the chairs. At the Patriarchs' and
+other large balls they can be secured by arrangement with one of the
+stewards, as each Patriarch has so many reserved for him, and the man
+invited by one of them can obtain permission and ask for two of his
+host's seats. But this is not usual, and is known as a "little trick of
+the trade."
+
+To be a successful leader of cotillons it requires the skill and the
+tact of a general--I might almost say of a Napoleon Bonaparte. One's
+talents should not be altogether in one's heels and one's toes. The
+leader must be an excellent dancer and a firm disciplinarian. He must
+see that the wall flowers have an occasional turn, and that every one
+gets at least one favor. As he has to marshal a large force of people he
+is bound to find among them--of course in the orthodox society manner--a
+few turbulent spirits, a few who would mutiny, and who must be taught
+their places in a conciliatory but positive manner.
+
+The cotillon in New York is generally danced after supper. It lasts
+about two hours. At large balls two figures are all that can be danced,
+owing to the number of guests. Sometimes it is led by two couples. A
+leader frequently dances stag--that is, without a partner. All men
+dancing without partners are called stags. These usually have their
+place by the door and are given their turn last. The leader must
+announce after supper the time for the cotillon to begin. He must see
+that the partners are all in their places. The favor table is generally
+placed at the end of the room opposite the doors, but this depends on
+the shape and the style of the apartment.
+
+Formerly a cotillon leader used a whistle for the different figures;
+to-day, however, he simply claps his hands to denote the changes.
+
+It is almost unnecessary here to illustrate the form of the cotillon. It
+consists in waltzes and sometimes polkas, danced by eight, ten, or
+twelve couples at a time. The couples are seated in chairs around the
+room, the men without partners known as the stags being near the door.
+The leader begins the first figure, which is usually the simplest one,
+by "taking out" or choosing a partner and motioning the first four, six,
+or eight couples with places nearest him on one or both sides of the
+room to rise. All waltz. After a turn around the room the leader stops
+and claps his hands. The partners all separate, and each of them goes
+and chooses a new one--the man a new woman, the woman who was his
+partner a new man. The figure is then arranged and danced. After the
+evolution required by the figure is finished there is another short
+waltz, and the dancers return to their places. The leader then calls out
+the next party, and this is repeated until every one in the room has had
+a turn. The stags are called out last. Having no partners to dance with,
+each has the privilege of taking out two ladies--the first before the
+figure is formed, and the second when the change of partners is
+signalled by the leader. The leader directs the figures and dances all
+the time.
+
+Every second figure is one for the distribution of favors. The same
+procedure occurs, and when the leader claps his hands the dancers
+separate, waiting for the favors to be distributed. The latest custom is
+for the leader and his partner to carry around the favors, to the
+couples whose turn comes next. He gives to the ladies, she to the men.
+The scramble at the favor table has been abolished. The men present
+their favors to the new partners whom they select, and the women do
+likewise. It is very embarrassing and not good form to give your favor
+to the partner with whom you are dancing the cotillon. Favors must be
+sufficient in quantity not only to go once all around, but there should
+be some left over, as the advent of the stags gives the ladies a double
+chance to bestow favors upon men. The most graceful way of offering a
+favor is to present it with a little bow. Try and locate the places
+where your friends are sitting. It is certainly rude, if not
+tantalizing, to search through a long row of girls dangling a favor. It
+is not difficult in the figures to become well acquainted with the local
+geography. Matrons are asked frequently to preside at the favor tables,
+but recently some of the floral trifles are brought in arranged in a
+sedan chair of flowers, at which two powdered lackeys are stationed,
+like the linkboys of old. Originality, however, has not been rampant in
+cotillons. Favor figures are the most popular. The woman who brings the
+greatest number of favors from a cotillon scores an undoubted triumph.
+She comes from the ballroom flushed and delighted, carrying with her the
+trophies of her victory, which she is pleased to call her "scalps."
+Social obligations are often paid off by men in this way.
+
+Of the few cotillon figures danced in New York society, the grand chain
+is the most popular and the simplest. The number of couples called by
+the leader form themselves in a ring around the room. At his signal
+they face each other and dance the right and left grand chain, the men
+to the right and the women to the left, until the original parties are
+brought together, when all waltz.
+
+The _Sir Roger de Coverley figure_ is formed in lines of four abreast,
+the men standing together on the inside, and the women next to their
+partners on the outside of the line. When the leader signals, the women
+advance quickly, one after the other, to the head of the line. The men
+then join hands, forming an arch, as in Sir Roger de Coverley; the
+women, passing under two by two, meeting their partners, waltz with
+them.
+
+In the snake figure--one which is very seldom danced--quite a large
+number of couples are called, who form a ring around the room. The
+leader, taking the hand of one of the men, breaks the chain, and the
+couples are wound around until they come together in a knot, when the
+signal is given to them to waltz. The wheel figure is somewhat similar,
+and is quite a romp.
+
+In the ring figure another evolution is borrowed from the lancers. Rings
+of four couples form through the room. The men raise their arms and the
+women pass through, dancing with the men in the next ring, and so on,
+until they get to the top of the room, the men remaining stationary.
+Then a grand march, men to the left, ladies to the right, is formed, and
+the partners meet and dance.
+
+The Maypole and all complicated figures which require the use of toys or
+_papier-maché_ articles are not in vogue in New York. In Paris these
+trifles, such as vegetables and heads of animals and other gewgaws, pass
+for favors, as well as to lend a variety to the cotillon. In New York
+very handsome souvenirs have superseded these.
+
+Frequently in large cotillons in New York the blank or nonfavor figures
+are danced only once without change of partners, as in the snake or
+grand chain; otherwise the cotillon would be interminable. The leader
+calls out a number of couples and goes through the figure at once, the
+original partners dancing all the time with each other. I have given
+both forms, and although the first explanation may seem to those who go
+out every year antiquated, it is still the vogue for small and
+consequently enjoyable cotillons.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+A BACHELOR'S LETTERS.
+
+
+Letter writing is an art, and there is no pleasure equal to that of
+receiving and reading a chatty and well-worded epistle from some dear
+friend. I have some packets of letters preserved to-day that I read and
+reread. They are always fresh and interesting to me. They are a complete
+index to the character of the writer, and they serve, after long years
+have passed, to bring up again delightful pictures of days and scenes
+which were brighter. However, there is one rule a man must observe:
+never keep a compromising letter--if you should receive one--especially
+from a woman. Sometimes women are foolish and careless, and they allow
+their pens to run away with them. They bitterly regret their folly, and
+the very idea that there exists somewhere a packet of letters which
+would bring serious trouble, if not ruin, upon them and those they love,
+is a cause of constant grief and worry. I know that there are letters
+written by one once dear, but now perhaps turned fickle or false, or
+separated from us forever, from which we feel loath to part; but we must
+be men and reduce to ashes what would hurt in the very least degree or
+cast a reflection upon an innocent if silly woman. Suppose you were to
+die suddenly, and among your papers these letters were found, with you
+alone, dumb in death, perhaps, only able to vindicate the unfortunate
+writer. We must think of those things. They belong to the _personnel_
+not only of a true gentleman, but they appeal to our common sense.
+
+Character is frequently judged by handwriting. Write a good, clear,
+legible hand, without any flourishes, and always use the best and the
+blackest of ink. The typewriter is employed only for business
+correspondence.
+
+For social correspondence use only Irish-linen white note paper,
+unruled, with square envelopes to match. Fancy or tinted note paper of
+any kind is vulgar. If you have a permanent residence your address can
+be legibly engraved in one color, usually blue or scarlet, at the head
+of the first sheet. If you are a member of a club, the club note paper
+is proper for all social correspondence. If you want to, use your crest
+in lieu of address, but this practice is somewhat strained in this
+country. Always add the date in writing. In letters, the day, the month,
+and the year should be written. In notes you only put the day--for
+instance, "Saturday the twenty-second." The best signature is "Sincerely
+yours," and not "Yours sincerely." In England the quaint "Faithfully
+yours" is used for business correspondence. Tradespeople and servants
+only sign "Respectfully yours."
+
+In America we "esquire" all men who are our equals. A butcher, a baker,
+a tailor or other person, when we order supplies, we address as "Mr."
+The abbreviation "Esq." is the usual form. In England you would write to
+a duke and address the letter "The Duke of Buckingham"; to a knight,
+"Sir Thomas Appleby"; to an earl or a marquis, "Lord Dufferin"--that is,
+supposing the letter would be a social one.
+
+In writing to a friend or in answer to an invitation or a note, you
+would begin, "My dear Mrs. Brown," "My dear Mr. Brown," or even "My dear
+Brown," but never "Dear Miss Brown," "Dear Mrs. Brown," or "Dear Brown,"
+unless you were on terms of great intimacy with them. But if the letter
+is a strictly business one, and the term "Sir" or "Sirs" is used, then
+you would be obliged to drop the possessive pronoun. A very formal or a
+business letter would begin thus:
+
+     _John Smith, Esq.,_
+        _# 22 Pacific Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y._
+
+     _Dear Sir_:
+
+and not "My dear Sir."
+
+A business letter to a woman demands, however, the possessive "My,"
+thus: "My dear Madam."
+
+To a firm, one writes:
+
+     _Messrs. John Smith & Co.,_
+        _Dear Sirs_:
+
+and never "Gentlemen"--a most ridiculous form of address.
+
+The clergy are addressed "Reverend and dear Sir." A bishop is "Right
+Reverend and dear Sir," and an archbishop "Most Reverend and dear Sir."
+In this republican country all other dignitaries can be addressed as
+"Dear Sir."
+
+Formal invitations are written in the third person, also letters
+addressed to tradespeople.
+
+The address on a letter should be written about the middle of the
+envelope, the street and number a little to the right, and the name of
+the city and State in the corner. All notes or letters to people in the
+same city should be directed simply with the post-office name without
+the State, unless it is a very small town, or it bears a name such as
+Augusta or Columbus, of which there are more than one in the United
+States. Thus:
+
+     _Mrs. John Brown,_
+        _# 227 Euclid Avenue,_
+                    _Cleveland._
+
+The stamp should be placed neatly in the right-hand corner. The mail
+to-day is almost the quickest means of delivery, and a special ten-cent
+stamp will insure, in a large city, a more prompt reception of your
+epistle than if you intrusted it to the tender mercies of a messenger
+boy.
+
+Your paper should fold once in the middle. There is nothing so awkward
+or so apt to give a bad impression as a letter improperly folded. It is
+bulky and unsightly. Private letters should always be sealed with wax,
+in color dark green or red. Black is used for mourning. In sealing a
+letter be careful to make a neat effect, and not to smear the wax all
+over the envelope. The seal is then stamped with your monogram, or, if
+you insist upon it, with your crest, but never with your coat of arms.
+For the purpose of sealing letters men use their seal rings or a little
+stamp which can be obtained at any silversmith's. When writing from the
+club you can use the club stamp. Business letters are moistened and
+gummed, a little damp sponge being used for this purpose. To moisten
+envelopes with the tongue is nasty.
+
+Letters written on hotel or business paper should be confined to the
+commercial world. Your friends and acquaintances should not receive
+them. Sometimes, when writing from a very interesting place to a very
+intimate friend or to relatives, hotel paper may be used, as you would
+like your correspondent to see a picture of the house at which you are
+stopping.
+
+Every gentleman should, however, carry in his portmanteau a flat
+portfolio with writing materials and a traveling inkstand.
+
+Your personal correspondence should be a reflection of yourself. Be
+pithy, bright, and witty. Give the news and innocent gossip, but beware
+of making statements in letters which you can not substantiate. Above
+all, think twice before you pen a harsh or an unkind word, even if a
+reproof be merited.
+
+In business letters be brief and to the point.
+
+There are two kinds of letters which sometimes puzzle the
+writer--letters of condolence and letters of congratulation. A letter of
+condolence--as will be explained in the chapter on Funerals--is due from
+you at the death of a near or dear friend to the relative or
+relatives--if you feel that you know them all well enough to address
+more than one epistle of sympathy--nearest and dearest to the deceased.
+Usually one letter is sufficient, but sometimes it may occur that you
+feel that you should also write to others. Make it as natural as
+possible. Avoid all stilted phrases and studied efforts at consolation.
+A few words is all that is necessary. If you have been on intimate terms
+with the family wire them your sympathy, and write a week or so
+afterward.
+
+Letters of congratulation are much easier to compose. On the occasion of
+the announcement of an engagement of a friend, or in answer to his
+letter announcing the happy event, or on the arrival of any good fortune
+to those of whom you are fond or for whom you have a high regard, a
+letter of congratulation is necessary or acceptable. All letters
+announcing sad or joyous news should receive an immediate reply.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+THE BACHELOR'S CLUB.
+
+
+Club life in America is a growth of recent years. It is now so firmly
+established, and it is so popular that there is not a village or even a
+settlement in the United States which has not at least its casino, or
+its little coterie organized for golf, tennis, athletic, or merely
+social enjoyment. All of these, from the great metropolitan clubs of the
+cities down to the very humblest in the "wilds," are governed by club
+laws and are regulated by club etiquette. In New York, now a city of
+clubs, this etiquette differs much from that observed in London, Paris,
+or any of the large continental centers. In London, a man is identified
+with his club. He rarely belongs to more than one, and his membership
+there denotes his social standing, his pursuits in life, and, above all,
+his politics. English clubs are also very jealous of admittance of
+strangers, and are not in the least hospitable to the foreigner. There
+are exceptions to this among the literary, theatrical, and Bohemian
+organizations, but the Pall Mall clubs are "closed." In New York,
+Boston, Chicago, and other American cities there are organizations which
+insist upon certain qualifications, such as being a university man, a
+lawyer, an author, a physician, or a member of a college fraternity, for
+admittance; but then the members also belong to other clubs, where their
+social standing, or perhaps the extent of their bank account, is their
+passport.
+
+If a man wishes to get on socially, he should belong to at least one
+good club. It gives him his standing in the community, and places him.
+He is no longer on the list of the unidentified.
+
+When a choice is made of a club which you desire to join, the next step
+would be to have two members in good standing to act as your
+sponsors--one proposes your name and the other seconds. A good sponsor
+is necessary, and you should choose one who has many friends in the
+organization of which you desire to become a member. The president,
+officers, and the governing committee are debarred from either proposing
+or seconding a name for membership. The term of a man's novitiate
+depends upon the state of the waiting list. Your proposer will notify
+you when your name will be reached, as he himself will be notified in
+writing by the committee on membership. The rules of candidacy differ in
+various clubs. In some, the name of the candidate with those of the two
+members proposing him is exposed in a conspicuous place where the entire
+club can see it. There is also a book in which other members sign the
+application, and the number of signatures, of course, has weight with
+the governors.
+
+Again, the name is inscribed in a book kept for the purpose in the
+steward's office, and it is not necessary that any other indorsement
+except that of your sponsors be made.
+
+Any member objecting to the name of a candidate has two methods by which
+he can make known his objection. One is to write directly to the
+governors, or to the committee on admissions and membership, whichever,
+according to the laws of the club, has the matter in hand. Usually it is
+the governing committee or board of governors. This communication is
+treated, as are all club matters, with the secrecy of the confessional.
+Your sponsors are written to and the objections stated, but the name of
+the person objecting is withheld. The other method is, if any one has an
+objection to your admission, that he should go at once in a manly way to
+one of your sponsors and state it. It is a rare occurrence in a New York
+club that any candidate is black-balled. The warning from the governing
+committee, or from another member to the sponsors, is a word to the
+wise, and the men who propose you should immediately withdraw your name
+to avoid a disaster. Otherwise a very great risk is run, as objections
+which have any foundation have great weight with the governing
+committee.
+
+In the clubs where the names of the candidates are kept only in a small
+book, while on the waiting list they are posted ten days before the
+election in a conspicuous part of the clubhouse. No candidate can be
+elected to a club who is not personally known to two or more members of
+the governing committee. A short time before election, if the candidate
+has not this acquaintance, it is the duty of his sponsors to take him
+around and introduce him, or to arrange that he will meet these
+gentlemen in some way; otherwise his name will go over; and after two
+setbacks of this kind, it will be rejected.
+
+On the election of a candidate--the balloting being done by the
+governing committee--the sponsors are notified, sometimes by posting and
+otherwise simply by letter. The secretary of the club will let the new
+member know immediately of his election, and the letter, which is
+usually a form, will also notify him that his admission fee and yearly
+dues are payable. The admission or entrance fee to a club is from one
+hundred to two hundred dollars in the well-known New York organizations,
+and the yearly dues are from seventy-five to one hundred dollars. These
+must be paid at once by check. The rules of most clubs allow a
+thirty-day limit. If you are so fortunate as to be admitted after the
+date of the yearly meeting, you will only be liable for one half the
+current yearly dues; otherwise you pay the entire amount.
+
+It is now the duty of the sponsors to introduce their newly elected
+candidate to the club. This is an easy matter. One of them will go with
+you, sit in the general smoking or lounging room, and make you
+acquainted with one or two of his friends. The responsibility is then
+over.
+
+Club etiquette is very simple. It is only the application of the usual
+rules of courtesy observed in private life. The club is your home. You
+should behave there as you would in your own house as host, and
+consequently your conduct toward your fellow-members should be
+characterized by the utmost consideration.
+
+The average clubhouse has a large room on the ground or first floor
+which is used for smoking, reading, the newspapers, and "living"
+generally. On the floors above there are the dining rooms, the library,
+and reading and card rooms. The billiard room occupies a special
+quarter, according to the plan of the house.
+
+A clever man said that there was but one rule of clubhouse etiquette
+different from the general laws of manners, and that was to keep your
+hat on. This is true, but then there are many others. Men do not take
+off their hats on entering a club, and do not remove them in any room
+except that in which they dine. All social clubs are more or less
+"closed." Visitors are only allowed under certain restrictions. The
+general rule is that a member may invite to the use of the club for a
+period of ten consecutive days any one not a resident of the city, but
+can have no more than one guest at a time. No stranger shall be
+introduced a second time unless he shall have been absent from the city
+three months. In some clubs a member may introduce as a visitor a
+resident of the city, but he can have no more than one such guest at a
+time. No person shall be introduced more than once in twelve months.
+Other clubs are open to the admission of visitors at certain periods,
+and others again have ladies' days, at which a reception to the fair
+friends of the members is given. All this depends on the rules of the
+club. As soon as you are made a member you are given a little book in
+which these are contained, and you should study them carefully. The name
+of a guest should be entered on the visitors' book with that of his
+host. If the visitor is put up for a certain period a card to the club
+is sent him, and during his stay he has all the privileges of a member.
+He can run up an account, but he should certainly settle it before his
+term expires, otherwise his host will be held responsible.
+
+A clubman never pays an attendant for refreshment or food served.
+Gratuities of any kind to servants are forbidden. When refreshment is
+required, you press the electric bell, of which there are a number in
+all the rooms, and the attendant comes to you for your order. When he
+brings it he has with it a check which you sign. These checks are, of
+course, debited to you, and you receive your bill once a month, or you
+can make arrangements to pay at the steward's or cashier's desk daily.
+
+You order your meals in the same manner, and when they are ready, the
+servant will notify you.
+
+At most of the clubs smoking is not permitted in the dining rooms until
+after nine, nor are refreshments allowed to be served in the visitors'
+room or library at any time. Books and magazines are not to be removed
+from the reading room or library, nor any publication belonging to the
+club from the clubhouse.
+
+There is still a prejudice against pipe smoking in many of the clubs,
+and you must consult the rules before you attempt this practice. A man
+does not remove his coat or sit in his shirtsleeves in any of the public
+rooms. An allowance, however, is made in the billiard room.
+
+The loud-voiced man is one of the nuisances of a club. Loud talking may
+be endured in the smoking or general room, but certainly not in the
+library or the reading rooms.
+
+The "kicker" is another objectionable person. He should remember that
+the best way of rectifying abuses is to send to the house committee all
+complaints of any deficiency in the service of the club, of overcharges,
+mistakes, or defects. The club is not a place to conduct one's
+commercial interests. Invitations and special correspondence can be
+conducted on club paper, but certainly it is a breach of club etiquette
+to use it for business purposes.
+
+The man who bows to a woman from a club window is not a gentleman. By
+this action he fastens upon her the most disgraceful odium one of her
+sex can bear.
+
+The name of a woman should never be whispered in a club unless it is to
+say something complimentary of her. Even this is not in good taste.
+
+It is not club etiquette to "treat." You can do so if you desire, but
+you are not obliged to follow this inane custom, which is born of
+bar-room ethics.
+
+All the affairs of a club must be regarded in strict confidence. Under
+no consideration should that which has occurred within these sacred
+portals be divulged to outsiders.
+
+Once a year--usually at Christmas--a subscription is taken up for the
+employees and servants. From five to ten dollars is the proper amount to
+give.
+
+A few clubs have a ladies' restaurant attached, where members may take
+their families or give dinners, or where the wives of members have the
+privilege of giving luncheons or other entertainments. Otherwise ladies
+are not admitted to the privileges of the clubhouse, except on ladies'
+days, and where there is an "annex" they can only avail themselves of
+that part set aside for their convenience upon the authority of a
+member.
+
+These rules pertaining to the general government of clubs have been
+compiled from the constitution and by-laws of the Union, Metropolitan,
+Knickerbocker, Calumet, and Manhattan Clubs of New York. The
+constitutions of the Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, Chicago, San
+Francisco, and other clubs are almost identical.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+THE SPORTING BACHELOR.
+
+
+_Driving._--Driving really comprises coaching as well as the tandem.
+
+A man who has any pretensions whatever to keeping his own horses or
+driving should be judged by the appearance of his traps. He submits
+himself to what one, to-day, might call the X-ray of criticism. He
+enters a field, and he must be weighed in the balance and his position
+defined by the standard of his associates. I know of no other city in
+the world where there are better groomed horses and better turned out
+equipages than in New York. The American in Hyde Park is shocked at the
+appearance of the traps in that famous driveway of fashion, and his
+national pride is gratified by observing that the smartest are of
+American makes. As to Paris, it is simply beyond the pale of criticism,
+the private turnouts, such as they are, being almost lost in a sea of
+dirty, disgraceful _fiacres_.
+
+In the first place, your horses must be well groomed, their hoofs
+blackened, and their tails properly banged. I do not intend here to
+enter a discussion concerning the cruelty of docking horses' tails. The
+social law is without exception. Horses with long tails are impossible.
+I believe banging is not accompanied by any physical pain.
+
+The harness, the trap itself, the coachman, and groom or grooms should
+be as immaculate as the horses. There should not be a single item out of
+gear. Every detail must be perfect. Choose some individual color for
+your traps, and never change the colors of your stable any more than you
+would your liveries. I have discussed fully in the chapter on Servants
+the duties of coachmen and grooms, and I refer the reader to that
+section of this book for information concerning liveries and the human
+_personnel_ of your trap.
+
+As to the color of your horses you should consult the fashion of the
+moment. To-day grays and bays are matched, and a person in half mourning
+recently appeared on a leading thoroughfare with a black trap and
+harness and white horses.
+
+A bachelor, however, should court simplicity, and I do not even approve
+of an equipage with two men on the box for an unmarried man. In fact I
+do not know of a single bachelor who has such a turnout.
+
+A coach, a tandem, a drag, or any of the array of fashionable carts, or
+a private hansom should limit the list.
+
+Coolness and absolute confidence are the requisite virtues of good
+driving.
+
+The driver salutes always with the whip; those on the coach with him or
+in the trap bow.
+
+Dress for driving in the city is usually that of afternoon, and a high
+hat is indispensable. Sometimes the huge gray coats with large buttons
+and a gray topper are worn. Dogskin driving gloves and driving boots
+complete the costume. In the country one wears tweed or Scotch cheviot
+and a Derby hat. The man who drives mounts last, his horses' heads being
+held by the groom. His whip should be in its socket; the reins loosely
+thrown over the horses' backs. He should spring into his seat and start
+immediately.
+
+There is a certain smartness in driving, in the way you manage your
+whip, your horses, and the many other details, which it is the province
+of a good master of the sport to teach you.
+
+The fashionable hour for driving in New York is from three to five, and
+the drive the Park. At Newport one drives both in the morning and
+evening.
+
+Remember, however, that the secret of your mastery over your stables
+should be your perfect knowledge of every detail. If you are a novice
+you should begin by learning the name and use of each part of your
+harness. You should be able to tell at a glance if everything is right,
+and you can not be too severe if anything is out of gear or the animals
+are not properly groomed. The best position on the box is a firm seat
+with your feet close together. Drive with one hand and keep the whip
+hand free, except for its legitimate use in touching your horses now and
+then, and in saluting.
+
+A man always sits with his back to the horses in a Victoria, or any
+other four-seated vehicle, when there are two ladies with him. When
+there is only one he sits by her side. He alights first with a view to
+assisting the ladies. He gets in last.
+
+It is not good form in New York for unmarried couples to drive together,
+unaccompanied by a chaperon. It is permitted at Newport and the country
+and seaside resorts, but a groom always sits on the back seat. In this
+case the woman is frequently the whip.
+
+A man and a woman may drive together in the city in a hansom, although
+this is considered unconventional. Buggy driving is not in vogue in New
+York.
+
+_Riding_, since the advent of the wheel, is not as fashionable an
+amusement in cities as formerly.
+
+Riding classes, which meet two evenings during the week, usually in the
+Lenten season, are still very popular. These gatherings take place at a
+riding academy, and a competent riding master is in charge.
+
+When riding with a woman, a man should always be at her right. A woman's
+riding habit falls to the left and she is mounted from the left. In
+assisting her to mount, which, even when a groom is present, is the
+gallant thing to do, a man should grasp the bridle with the left hand
+and hold his right so that she can step into it. The woman puts her left
+foot, therefore, in a man's right hand, and holds to the pommel with her
+right hand. The escort gives his arm a slight spring, and with a
+corresponding action on the part of the fair equestrienne, she is
+lifted into the saddle. The man faces the near side of the horse, or the
+left. He takes the reins in his right hand and with it grasps the pommel
+of the saddle, shortening the reins until he feels the mouth of the
+horse. He inserts the left foot in the stirrup and springs into the
+saddle.
+
+In speaking of a pommel, I wish it understood that the English saddle is
+used, which has no visible pommel, but that part of it is still called
+by the name in lieu of another term.
+
+A good rider should never mount from a horse block or a fence. The
+English mode of riding is fashionable. The smart pace is a short canter.
+In trotting, a man may rise to the trot. Squaring the elbows is a trifle
+vulgar and obsolete. In meeting acquaintances, a man should bow. A man
+accompanying a lady should always keep pace with her, and never either
+go ahead or let his horse fall behind. A man riding alone should never
+pass or catch up with a woman unattended.
+
+When one rides in New York it is only in the morning. Afternoon riding
+in the Park is not the vogue it was. The New Yorker dislikes to dress up
+in any special costume, so that for years the fashionable afternoon
+riding costume was a black cutaway or morning coat, ordinary trousers
+strapped under the ordinary walking boot, top hat, and gloves, but the
+present riding costume for the morning in New York and the country
+consists of whipcord or corduroy riding breeches and jacket, brown
+leather waistcoat, brown Derby hat, boots or leggings, and dark gloves.
+You can wear this in the afternoon, but the ordinary costume is
+considered smarter and more convenient. Men in New York only ride in the
+Park, and many of them do not belong to riding academies or have
+lockers. A complete change of costume is not convenient, and you never
+see a New York clubman on the streets in riding togs. The evening
+classes always end with a supper and a dance. The woman's habit is
+easily changed, but to appear at night in riding costume or with boots
+in a drawing room is certainly absurd. To wear evening dress on
+horseback, even a Tuxedo coat, is also outlandish, and thus the
+compromise has been effected, and the old black diagonal cutaway brought
+into use.
+
+_Riding to hounds_ requires special knowledge as to the rules and the
+etiquette of the different hunts. These vary. The meet is generally at
+some farm or country house, and you are expected to appear in the
+regulation hunt colors. The orthodox costume is morning coat, white or
+fancy waistcoat, riding breeches, top boots, crop, top hat, and hunting
+scarf. The master of the hounds should wear a red or scarlet frock coat
+and hunting cap. After the hunt there is a breakfast, and several times
+during the year a ball. At the latter festivity, members of the club
+should wear their scarlet evening coats.
+
+_Coaching_ is yet another of the intricate arts. I will give a few
+points to the novice. The place of honor is the box seat and should be
+given to a lady, when ladies are of the party.
+
+If a bachelor is a good whip, a coaching party is an excellent way for
+him to entertain. The start should be from some fashionable locality in
+town, and eight or ten is a large party. It is needless for me to call
+the attention of a whip to the importance of his drag and horses and
+appointments being perfect. During the progress of the coach the guard
+who sits in the rear blows his horn at regular intervals. A bugle or
+cornet is not good form, although I have heard it in small towns.
+
+It may seem elementary, but for the requirements of those who have never
+coached I might as well state that the guests sit on the top and not
+inside the coach. A neat and serviceable team may be made with two
+browns as leaders and a brown and a bay as wheelers. To the novice the
+names of these will indicate their position.
+
+A coaching route should be about ten to fifteen miles. A halt is made at
+a country club, of which the host is a member, or a hotel, where
+luncheon is served. The _menu_ consists of the usual comestibles with
+plenty of champagne. Two hours altogether are allowed for rest, and then
+the start homeward is made. The whip should wear driving costume, with
+gray or black high hat. The men guests can be dressed in morning
+costume, tweeds, and Derby hats, unless the occasion is one of
+formality, such as a coaching parade, when one should don afternoon
+dress. The general etiquette of driving applies to coaching.
+
+_Wheeling_ is the popular and fashionable amusement at present writing,
+and it bids fair to continue so until quite late in the twentieth
+century. As yet there are no special rules of etiquette for this new
+sport, except that which would govern its dress. Otherwise there are the
+rules of the road--keeping and turning to the right--and the extending
+by gentlemen of those civilities which they should never forget to the
+fair sex, and consideration for their fellow-men. A man should always
+wait for a lady to mount, holding the bicycle. He should ride at her
+left, keeping pace with her, and sufficiently near to be of assistance
+in case of an accident. He should dismount first and help her to do so
+if necessary. The present fashionable costume for cycling consists of
+tweed knickers and short lounge jacket of same material, brown leather
+or linen waistcoat, colored shirt, with white turn-down collar and club
+tie, golf stockings, and low-quartered tan wheeling shoes. A cap of
+tweed to match the suit completes the rig. At cycling clubs black small
+clothes with dinner jacket may be worn, but as yet it is not the
+prevailing fashion.
+
+In summer very natty wheeling costumes are made of linen or crash.
+
+One word more as to wheeling. Owing to its popularity, many have sought
+to make it vulgar and common. An idea that a man has the privilege of
+addressing any woman on a bicycle is most erroneous. You would not offer
+such an impertinence to an equestrienne, and you must remember that a
+"wheel" is only a metal horse. To catch up with or pass unchaperoned or
+unescorted women wheelers is as much a breach of etiquette as to be
+guilty of the same vulgarity toward an unaccompanied Amazon.
+
+_Shooting_ deserves a few words, although shooting parties in the
+acceptance of the foreign and British entertainments have as yet but few
+counterparts in this country. Men chase the aniseed bag or an imported
+fox when riding to hounds, and when they take gun in hand it is for the
+purpose of hunting big game, such as one would obtain in the
+Adirondacks, in the Rockies, in the Southern swamp lands, and in the
+wilderness of Canada. In England you may be invited for the shooting.
+The start is in the morning, in a party accompanied by the gamekeepers.
+The birds are flurried, the guns are loaded by your special attendant,
+and you only pause in your work of destruction for luncheon, which is
+served somewhere in the woods or on the moors. You are expected to be at
+the house about four, where, after changing your clothes, you appear in
+the drawing room for tea. You are cautioned in these parties, in order
+to avoid accident, before crossing a hedge, gate, or any other obstacle,
+to remove your cartridges. You are to be unusually careful in the manner
+of holding your gun, and should certainly not flourish it around or
+point it at any living thing, save that which it is intended to kill.
+Guns used as walking sticks or props to take flying leaps or other
+extraordinary purposes are the assinine diversions of some idiots. In
+England a position is assigned to you. It is etiquette to remain in it,
+shooting in a liberal and sportsmanlike spirit, accepting shots as they
+come. The gamekeepers expect a tip at the end of the visit. The correct
+dress is loose jacket, knicker corduroy breeches, stout ribbed
+stockings, and box-cloth leggings. Heavy russet boots and a cloth
+shooting cap are also worn.
+
+_Bowls_ is a favorite game in the country, and during the Lenten season
+in New York, where there are a number of clubs formed for its enjoyment.
+
+Although the sessions are in the evening, the men dress at clubs in
+_mufti_ or _negligé_, the golf or cycling suits being the favorites.
+When you are asked to play bowls at a private house, and when there is a
+dance to follow, or when you are asked to a "bowling party," it is
+perhaps better form to wear your dinner jacket or Tuxedo, as there will
+be supper and dancing afterward. The presence of ladies will not deter
+you from wearing on an occasion like this demitoilet or dinner jacket,
+as there is a certain informality about all athletic sports. The same
+may be said of _badminton_, another favorite Lenten game, played
+somewhat after the manner of tennis. The difference is that instead of
+racquet and ball, battledore and shuttlecock are used.
+
+For _skating_, even at a rink on artificial ice, golf costume or _mufti_
+is good form.
+
+_Polo_ has likewise no code of etiquette not connected with the rules of
+the game. The dress for polo includes buckskin knee breeches, flannel or
+madras shirt with low turn-down collar, top riding boots, and polo cap.
+
+
+YACHTING, BOATING, BATHING, TENNIS, AND RACING.
+
+A yacht in commission is the most expensive and luxurious toy a man can
+have. No one but a millionaire can afford it. True, as in other
+possessions, there are degrees, and consequently there are yachts and
+yachts. Only large schooner or steam yachts, however, are adaptable for
+entertaining. A man's yacht is indeed his castle, and the host has only
+to follow the rules which govern social functions to be perfect in this
+delightful method of entertaining. Yet there are a few little details of
+which it would be prudent to speak. The proper entertainments for a
+yacht in harbor are luncheons, dinners, dances, and short cruises. None
+of these should be elaborate, the yacht itself--a thing of joy and
+beauty--being alone a great attraction.
+
+Your sailors should meet the people invited at the dock in the cutter,
+and row them to the place where your yacht rides at anchor. You should
+be at the gangway ready to receive them. The same order should be
+observed on their leaving.
+
+During a club cruise there are several formalities to be observed. You
+are then as if under military or naval orders. The commodore should be
+treated with the same consideration as an admiral. You should not appear
+before him except in the uniform of the club, and you should always
+salute him on passing, and he should have precedence at all
+entertainments.
+
+Yachting dress for men consists in either blue flannel or serge suit, or
+weather pilot or pea-jacket of rough cloth or "witney," or blue serge or
+flannel coat with naval white duck trousers. The cap, blue or white
+cloth or duck. White flannels are also worn, but they are not so
+appropriate. In the evening, usual formal landsman's costume.
+
+There are a few rules of practical yachting which are so intimately
+connected with etiquette that, although it is not exactly in my
+province, I propose to give a summary of them here; they may be useful,
+and may serve my reader a good turn. I take the regulations of the New
+York Yacht Club for my guide. It is without doubt the leading yachting
+organization of this country.
+
+When on a cruise, all yachts belonging to a club should hoist their
+colors at eight o'clock A. M. and haul them down at sunset, taking time
+from the senior officer present in port, if there should be one. Between
+sunset and colors they should carry a night pennant. Guns should only be
+fired on setting or hauling down the colors, except by the yacht giving
+the time, nor between sunset and colors, nor on Sunday, and the rules of
+many yacht clubs insist on these formalities being observed whether a
+yacht is on a cruise or not.
+
+The senior officer in port should be in command, and should make colors
+and sunset and return salutes and visits, etc. His yacht should remain
+the station vessel until a senior to him in rank arrives, when such
+senior should assume the duties of the anchorage.
+
+Flag officers should display their pennants while in commission, except
+when absent for more than forty-eight hours. In this case their private
+signal should be hoisted. A blue rectangular flag at the starboard
+spreader should be displayed when the owner is not on board.
+
+All salutes should be returned in kind. Yachts of all clubs should
+always salute vessels of the United States Navy. Yachts passing at sea
+should salute each other, juniors saluting first. This is done by
+dipping the ensign three times or by firing a gun, followed by dipping
+the ensign. Arriving in harbor after sunset or on Sunday the salute
+should be made the first thing next morning.
+
+When a squadron or a cruising expedition enters a port or anchorage and
+finds there a foreign yacht, the senior officer of the squadron or
+cruise should send its owner a tender of the civilities of the club. All
+vessels are considered foreign not belonging to the interstate squadron,
+or to a club not included in the association of yachts to which your
+vessel and you belong.
+
+Of course I have only skimmed through the sailing and saluting
+regulations. You are supposed to have a book of your club, which will
+give them to you, and you are bound to follow the rules laid down
+therein.
+
+As a rule, the commodore of a yacht club wears on his cap an anchor one
+inch and a half in diameter, placed horizontally, embroidered in gold,
+with a silver star of half an inch diameter at each end of and above the
+anchor. A vice commodore wears only a single star; captains two crossed
+foul anchors. The dress uniform of most yacht clubs is a plain blue or
+black dress coat, a white dress waistcoat, each with the club button in
+gilt; blue or white trousers with cravat black or white. The undress
+consists of a double-breasted sack coat of blue cloth, serge, or
+flannel, blue or white waistcoat, each with the black club button;
+trousers of same material, or of white drill. The commodore has five
+black silk stripes on his cuff, the vice commodore four, the rear
+commodore three, the captain and other officers two, and the members
+one.
+
+Your crew should wear shirts of blue flannel or white linen with wide
+blue cuffs and collars, stitched with blue or white thread.
+Handkerchiefs should be of black silk, caps of blue cloth without visor;
+straw hats with black ribbon can be used for summer. The name of the
+yacht must be worked on the breast of the shirt, or printed upon the
+band of the cap or the ribbon of the hat. The trousers should be of
+blue flannel or white linen duck. No braces are worn.
+
+
+GOLF.
+
+The etiquette of golf is incorporated, more or less, with the
+technicalities of the rules governing the game. I do not intend to go
+into these, but to give a few hints to the novice, to prevent him, if
+possible, committing solecisms.
+
+Golf has a vocabulary of its own. The "grounds" on which the game is
+played is a stretch of rather rough country, abounding in hills,
+hillocks, and sandy downs, and is known by no other name but the
+"links."
+
+The game is usually played by two persons, but it can be by more. It
+consists in driving a ball, small and black, or painted red for the
+winter snows, along a route laid out by a series of holes to a goal,
+with a selection of clubs with metal ends. A small boy carries these
+clubs around for the players. He is called the "caddie."
+
+The clubs have various names and various uses. They are for propelling
+or driving the ball, according to the rules of the game. They are the
+driver, long spoon, short spoon, putter, iron putter, cleek, iron,
+niblick, brassey, lofting iron, and mashie.
+
+A "tee" is a small mound of sand or earth upon which the ball rests. As
+before explained, the ball is propelled or driven from the tee into one
+of the holes. The term "putting" is applied to the locality in which
+this operation of driving the ball into the hole takes place.
+
+The etiquette of the spectator is embraced in the common-sense essential
+of being an onlooker and nothing more. Silence is golden. Advice and
+comment, should you profess to know anything about the game, are brazen.
+Be considerate; do not interfere with the comfort of the players. As at
+billiards, the stroke should be made in utter silence. The golf "links"
+is not a place for criticism, and if you are allowed to follow the
+players around, you must control your feelings alike when enthusiastic
+or when contemptuous. Besides being a breach of good manners, remember
+that golf is more or less an outdoor game of whist.
+
+Golf is the easiest game at which to cheat, but as it is a sport in the
+_repertoire_ of a gentleman, it would seem almost an insult to hint at
+such a contingency. However, apart from the moral effect of cheating at
+any game, if a man is dead to all sense of honor, he should be alive to
+the fear of being found out. Such discovery means social ostracism.
+
+The proper golf costume is based on common sense. The man who rigs
+himself up for this or any other sport in what he considers the most
+approved style is either a very bad player or a novice. The
+championships have been won by men wearing their ordinary street
+costumes or business lounge suits. The English and Scotch golf dress,
+however, is sack coat, knickers without leather extensions, and a plain
+tweed shooting cap. The shirt is white madras, soft, unstarched bosom,
+with a golf stock or Ascot. Golf shoes or boots are of heavy russet or
+black leather. The hose has a long ribbed top, which is turned over,
+forming a sort of heavy band on the calf of the leg. It is made of heavy
+worsted, plain or ribbed. This costume will do for winter in the English
+climate, when you can not employ too heavy tweeds in the north and west.
+The American costume, however, is made of lighter tweeds for the spring
+and autumn, and of brown linen or holland for the summer. As yet, except
+in one or two localities, golf is not generally played in winter, except
+by enthusiasts.
+
+At a match, golfers wear their club uniform coats, which are made of
+hunting pink with brass buttons. The club dress uniform is full and
+proper dress for all golf functions, such as dinners and dances and
+receptions. For golf club evening functions, black silk or lisle thread
+stockings and pumps and black knickers would be appropriate dress. This
+will be regulated by the rules of the club.
+
+
+BOATING AND BATHING, TENNIS AND RACING.
+
+But a word, and this on costume. The proper dress in England, where
+boating is a social amusement, is the blazer madras shirt with white
+linen all-around collars and madras cuffs, same material as shirt, white
+duck trousers, and straw hat with colored ribbons.
+
+For bathing, the present ocean costume is all plain, one dark-color
+two-piece suits, short trousers coming to the knees, and jersey with
+very short sleeves.
+
+For tennis, which I have omitted in the category of sports, as there is
+no peculiar etiquette attached, you should wear white duck trousers, a
+white madras shirt, white flannel coat, plain or finely striped, and
+straw hat or flannel cap to match coat. The straw hat was in vogue last
+summer.
+
+In England many men wear gray vicuña frock coats to the races. About
+this costume, however, in America, where races are but seldom social
+functions, you must be guided by the season, circumstances, and place.
+Of course, a top hat must be worn with any species of frock coat, but
+the gray top hat has gone out of fashion.
+
+_Gymkhana_ races are burlesque affairs imported from India. The
+participants are dressed in grotesque fancy costumes, and are obliged to
+race holding umbrellas, toy balloons, or some other absurdity. They are
+in great favor at summer watering places.
+
+
+BILLIARDS.
+
+The etiquette of this popular pastime is possibly embraced in the
+general maxim of "the extending of the utmost consideration for others."
+
+Billiards constitutes quite an important factor in club life, and should
+have been included in the chapter on that subject but for the fact that
+so many private houses have billiard rooms, and the game is better
+classified with the different sports of a bachelor.
+
+At the club it is allowable to play the game _sans_ one's coat, or in
+shirt sleeves. The billiard room is a place where one can be
+unconventional. Order, however, in a match game especially, should be
+strictly maintained. The severe English rule at clubs, under such
+circumstances, requires the man who has played his stroke "to retire to
+a reasonable distance, and keep out of the line of sight" (_vide_ the
+Badminton treatise on the game). Orders for drinks to the waiter, loud
+talking, criticism of the play, lighting pipes and cigars--the latter
+being only generally allowed in New York club billiard rooms--are all
+offenses against etiquette.
+
+In private houses it is certainly a breach of good manners to bolt into
+a billiard room while a game is in progress, except between the strokes,
+and this period can be easily ascertained by listening at the door. The
+ideal game is conducted with strict observance of the etiquette of the
+room. It is, according to the same Badminton authority, a game during
+the progress of which neither player smokes nor interrupts the other,
+and spectators are generally courteous, silent, and impartial. In a
+private house where ladies are apt to be present and to be players,
+shirt sleeves are certainly not tolerated. The dinner coat is useful on
+these occasions. Smoking is permissible if the hostess consents.
+
+The etiquette of cards calls for but a word. Whist means silence. No
+gentleman quarrels with a billiard marker or a golf caddie; still less
+should he dispute a point at cards. Better lose, especially when women
+are present, than enter a controversy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD.
+
+
+To seem entirely at one's ease is the best maxim I can give for
+traveling. You can not actually pretend to experience that which may be
+totally lacking, but by making yourself comfortable you will increase
+the pleasure of others. There is, in these days of luxurious traveling,
+but little occasion to be flurried, and no excuse whatever for not being
+as well dressed as you are calm and self-possessed. Dress means a great
+deal, and if you have not a servant with you it will simply require a
+little care at the commencement to insure your entire freedom from all
+annoyance.
+
+As I have already observed in a previous chapter, in a long journey it
+would be better to take more than one trunk, but even if you have but
+the one you should carry also a bag with your toilet articles. A
+dressing bag is most requisite, and if you can not afford this you
+could have an ordinary bag, or even a "dress suit" case, fitted up with
+the necessary appliances of the toilet. These, it is almost absurd to
+state, consist of your razors, tooth and nail brushes, combs and
+hairbrushes, individual soap, and a few small vials of very useful
+physic, such as Jamaica ginger, Pond's extract, liver pills, cologne,
+and, if you do not carry it in your pocket, a brandy flask. There are
+times when this is absolutely necessary. In my dressing bag, if
+possible, I would take my pyjamas, so as to be perfectly equipped for
+the night, in case, at the end of my journey, I could not get at my
+trunk. Overcoats, waterproof coat, umbrellas, walking sticks, etc.,
+should be carried in a shawl strap, where you could also have a novel or
+so, or a budget of interesting newspapers or magazines. For short
+railway or steamer journeys, the best dress is the ordinary lounge or
+morning sack suit, with a soft felt or Hombourg hat. Gloves are
+necessary. Tan or gray suede is the most correct. In winter an ulster
+should be worn. Select for sea or for ocean voyages the warmest lounge
+suit you have, or, if you feel more disposed, a warm tweed knickerbocker
+suit, such as you wear for golf. I think it is a good principle to put
+on your old clothes at sea. Only very vulgar people dress for this
+occasion. For late dinner on the ship I would have a black cutaway coat
+and a light tie. I believe men must change their clothes before dinner
+at all places and under all circumstances. Russet shoes are worn.
+
+Do not hurry. Have your tickets purchased in time, and arrive at a train
+so that you will have fully five minutes in which to check your luggage.
+
+On an ocean voyage, if the ship is going to leave at an early hour in
+the morning, go on board the night before. Farewell suppers are like
+greetings in tugboats and other vulgar celebrations, the meed of the
+second-class politician. Arrange with your banker for letters of credit,
+and take with you just sufficient small change to carry you comfortably
+and pay your little expenses, with one note of a larger denomination in
+case of accident. Do not get your money changed on the ship. It is
+effected at a very high rate of discount. Thus on English ships--the
+Cunard, White Star, Anchor, and Allan lines--English currency is used.
+The Hamburg and the North German Lloyd employ German, and the
+Transatlantique, French. Your steamer trunk and your bag and shawl strap
+should be placed in the cabin with you. Steamer chairs, in these days,
+can be hired. Do not carry one around with you. It is a nuisance. On the
+ocean steamers the steward will attend to your little wants, and prepare
+your bath for you in the morning, for which there is a fee, I think, of
+twenty-five cents a day. It is customary on leaving a ship to give
+gratuities to servants. To the cabin steward on English ships, ten
+shillings, the head steward ten shillings, and your waiter ten
+shillings. On others, for a six days' voyage, a fee equal to two dollars
+should be given to your waiter and your cabin steward and to the head
+steward. Servants abroad are feed on a regular tariff, which you will
+find in the guidebooks. In this country the drawing-car fiend expects
+twenty-five cents for a day's journey; fifty cents to a dollar for
+longer and more extended service. At American hotels the waiters are
+tipped when you leave, and a small gratuity given to chambermaids.
+
+Courtesy, especially to women, is the one thing expected from every
+gentleman who travels, and if you can assist any one in distress by
+advice or by help of any kind do so, particularly if it is an
+unprotected woman. But be very guarded in making new acquaintances. Such
+as are picked up on the steamer, for instance, can be dropped as soon
+as you land. Beware of the cardroom and the poker sharps who travel on
+the great liners. Make it a rule, if you will play for money, never to
+do so with strangers.
+
+When traveling with a lady, always carry her bag and assist her in and
+out of the trains. Your behavior is on its mettle under these
+circumstances, and traveling is very apt to be like a mustard plaster,
+bringing out both the good and evil attributes of a man.
+
+The subject of foreign travel also needs a few words as well as a bit of
+general advice. English customs and our own are so much alike that it
+would be strange, indeed, if an American could not get along in the land
+where his own tongue is spoken. One of the first difficulties which once
+beset traveling Americans in London was the regulation in theaters that
+the audience, or that part of it occupying the best stalls, should be in
+evening dress. As evening dress is now also the rule in New York, this
+quandary is a thing of the past. Programmes at many of the English
+theaters are now free, where some years ago it was customary to sell
+bills of the play for sixpence.
+
+The feeing of servants at hotels, however, continues, and we yet have
+the charge on hotel bills for service. You are expected to give
+something to the hall porter, to your waiter, to the boots, and to the
+chambermaid. The amount of these fees differs according to the length of
+your stay. I should say a half crown to the porter and less sums to the
+others.
+
+In London a shilling a mile is the accepted price for cabs within a
+certain metropolitan radius called the "circle." "Thrupence" or sixpence
+extra is the tip "to drink your health."
+
+Afternoon dress is the correct attire for the park after midday, and
+cabs and hansoms are not seen on the Row during riding and driving
+hours.
+
+In Paris you may wear a blue blouse and make the turn of the Bois in a
+_fiacre_. The tariff there is two francs an hour, or two francs fifty
+per course, from one place to another. The _pourboire_ is fifty
+centimes.
+
+In France the _pourboire_ is a veritable tax, as it is in Italy and in
+the Latin countries. In Germany the mark is equal to about twenty-five
+cents of our money, and it will go a long way. Ten marks will fee a
+houseful of servants.
+
+At the station in Paris fifty centimes is given to the porter. The
+"commissionnaire" at the hotel expects fifty centimes. Waiters'
+_pourboires_ are eighty-five centimes at breakfast, and at dinner a
+franc. In a _café_ they are twenty-five centimes.
+
+The woman at the theater who puts a footstool under your feet expects
+one franc, and at many of the playhouses she must be feed for a reserved
+seat.
+
+In Paris the orchestra stalls are occupied only by men. At the opera
+during the season evening dress in the boxes and stalls is, of course,
+_de rigueur_. At the Comédie Française on Tuesdays and at the Odéon on
+Thursdays you must be in evening dress in order to gain admittance.
+
+Chairs are sold in Paris at the Catholic churches, and in both the
+London and Paris parks seats can be hired for a few pennies or sous.
+
+In Paris omnibuses only the seating capacity is allowed. When the
+omnibus is full, a sign, "_Complet_," is fastened on the outside.
+
+At the gates of each small town in France the _octroi_, or impost,
+levies on articles of food brought in, and the customhouse in England
+seizes all American reprints of English books. There, as well as in
+France, spirits and tobacco are dutiable.
+
+It is only civil to bow when passing the Prince of Wales or members of
+the royal family. In Paris every hat is removed when a hearse passes, as
+also in Italy. In Germany the hat is removed when the emperor passes.
+
+Passports are necessary for Russian and Eastern travel.
+
+All large functions on the Continent, no matter what time of the day
+they occur, demand evening dress. In Paris the bridegroom at a wedding
+in the afternoon wears evening dress, as well as the chief male mourner
+at a funeral, but the others present do not. This does not apply to
+groomsmen and honorary pallbearers, who are in evening dress. In
+Germany, Austria, and Italy, wherever royalty appears, evening dress is
+necessary. At the audiences granted by the Pope all men must be in
+evening dress, and the women in dark gowns and veils.
+
+The Queen of England, the Princess of Wales, and all other female
+members of the royal family are addressed as "Ma'am"; the Prince of
+Wales and the male members as "Sir," and never, except by tradesmen, as
+"Your Royal Highness."
+
+The English dukes are addressed simply as "Duke" and not as "Your
+Grace"; a marquis is "Lord" and a marchioness "Lady." Younger sons of
+dukes should be spoken of as lord. A French duke and duchess are
+addressed as "Monsieur" and "Madame." In Germany one drops the Von when
+addressing a nobleman who has that title, but when you write to him you
+must give him his full credentials.
+
+A foreign bishop is always addressed as "My Lord" and a cardinal as
+"Your Eminence."
+
+The etiquette at a house where the Prince of Wales or a member of the
+royal family in England visits is rigorous, and on the Continent, when
+royalty is present, it is even more severe. The prince is never
+addressed unless he speaks to you. He alone has the privilege of
+changing the subject of conversation, and all plans for the day's
+recreation are submitted to him.
+
+These observations are, of course, very general, but the average
+American to-day is at home in Europe. He should only remember the old
+adage to do in Rome as the Romans do, and he will not be much
+embarrassed by foreign customs and habits.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+THE ENGAGED BACHELOR.
+
+
+The etiquette of engagements is simple. There are no rules as to how a
+man should ask a woman to be his wife.
+
+A man is not at liberty to announce his engagement until his _fiancée_
+gives him permission to do so. It is her family who have the right to
+know first of the existence of an engagement. Very few engagements are
+entered into so hurriedly as not to be anticipated in a way by the
+members of the young woman's household. However, the first step to be
+taken is the announcement by the _fiancée_ to her mother, her father, or
+her proper guardian of the existing circumstances. Sometimes this is
+done in a most informal way by both parties. The day after the
+engagement has thus been announced it is good form for the man to have a
+private talk with the young woman's parents or guardian. In America we
+are supposed to be above the discussion of marriage settlements. A man
+should never ask a woman to marry him unless he has the wherewithal to
+support her in the manner in which she has been accustomed to live. An
+inquiry into the state of the proposed son-in-law's finances is
+perfectly proper and should not be taken amiss. Engagements are
+announced to other members of the family than those of the household by
+informal notes when it is decided it should be made public. Relatives
+and intimate friends should be apprised of it before one's general
+acquaintances. In these days of "society news" the general announcement
+is frequently made through the medium of the newspapers. It can also be
+made verbally.
+
+During the engagement it is expected that a man's relatives and friends
+should pay the prospective bride as much attention as possible. They
+should call on her and felicitate her as soon as they have been informed
+of the affair. A pretty compliment for a male member of the man's family
+or one of his intimates is to send flowers to the new _fiancée_.
+Engagements should never be announced unless the wedding day is fixed
+approximately. Avoid long engagements.
+
+The engagement ring is a solitaire diamond, but one with two smaller
+diamonds is appropriate. This will depend upon the income of the swain.
+Rings with colored stones, however, are not in vogue for engagements.
+
+During the engagement the betrothed couple should be seen as much as
+possible in each other's society. Neither should appear at large
+entertainments to which the other has not been asked. Little attentions
+are expected. A man should send from time to time, according to the
+state of his finances, flowers, sweets, or other tokens. A sensible girl
+will not approve of costly gifts if you can not afford them. A very
+acceptable token would be a bunch of violets or American beauty roses
+sent from a fashionable florist.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING.
+
+
+When a bachelor marries the arrangement of the details of the ceremony
+and reception are left to the bride's family, and there is really very
+little about which to instruct him. Many men wish to know how these
+matters should be conducted, and a short review is here given under the
+penalty of its being not within the scope of the Complete Bachelor.
+
+Weddings in society are celebrated either at church or at the home of
+the bride. The church wedding is the most popular, and in large cities
+the most fashionable, as it admits of the presence of a large number of
+people and lends much solemnity to the occasion.
+
+The fashionable hour for a wedding is from high noon--midday--until five
+o'clock. Evening weddings have within the past five years not been as
+much in vogue as formerly.
+
+The invitations are issued within a fortnight of the ceremony. The
+formula is an announcement engraved on a sheet of heavy cream paper
+folded in two. It is issued in the name of the bride's parents or
+guardian, and it requests the pleasure of the guest's presence at the
+marriage of their daughter or ward at such a church or such a number, at
+such an hour of the day, month, and year. A separate card, inclosed,
+with the announcement and invitation to the church, states the hours of
+the reception. The invitations are very simple, engraved in plain
+English script, and the paper and cards are of a standard quality known
+to stationers for this purpose. The inner one is addressed only with the
+name of the person invited, the outer one has this and the street, the
+street number, and full directions for mailing. Gilt-edged or fancy
+stationery is vulgar.
+
+I herewith append some examples. The English invariably insist on the
+R. S. V. P., or "answer if you please," on even church invitations. This
+is not the regular New York custom.
+
+The reason for this is that in England those asked to the church are
+always expected also at the reception. Only the bridal party sit down to
+an elaborate breakfast, the other guests being given the very lightest
+of refreshments.
+
+American form:
+
+            _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+          _request your presence_
+    _at the marriage of their daughter_
+                _Katherine_
+                   _to_
+                _Mr._ ----,
+  _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_
+           _at twelve o'clock._
+             _Grace Church,_
+        _Broadway and Tenth Street._
+
+Also:
+
+            _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+    _request the honor of your presence_
+    _at the marriage of their daughter_
+                  _Annie_
+                   _to_
+                _Mr._ ----
+                _on_ (etc.).
+
+            _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+          _request your presence_
+    _at the marriage of their daughter_
+              _Myra Raymond_
+                   _to_
+               _Mr._ ----,
+  _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_
+            _at twelve o'clock._
+              _Grace Church,_
+        _Broadway and Tenth Street._
+
+               _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+       _request the honor of your presence_
+       _at the marriage of their daughter_
+                     _Annie_
+                      _to_
+                   _Mr._ ----
+  _on Tuesday morning, November twenty-seventh,_
+          _at half past eleven o'clock._
+                _St. Leo's Church,_
+            _East Twenty-eighth Street._
+                      ------
+           _Please present this card at_
+                 _St. Leo's Church,_
+             _November twenty-seventh._
+
+English form:
+
+                 _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+             _request the pleasure of_
+               _Lord and Lady ----'s_
+                    _company at_
+             _St. Peter's, Eaton Square,_
+     _on Saturday, November 4th, at two o'clock,_
+  _on the occasion of the marriage of their daughter_
+              _Margaret and_ ---- ----,
+        _and afterward at 1 Grosvenor Square._
+      _R. S. V. P._
+                     ------
+                  _Admit bearer_
+                       _to_
+        _St. Peter's Church, Eaton Square,_
+     _on November 4th, 1895, at two o'clock._
+
+If the bride whom a bachelor is marrying is a widow and lives in her own
+house, the invitations to the church and the reception, or to either or
+both, would read simply, "The pleasure of your company is requested at
+the wedding," etc., with a separate card bearing the word reception and
+stating the hour and address.
+
+Should there be no guests at the wedding, and should it be conducted
+very quietly or privately, it is necessary that announcement cards be
+sent out after the event has taken place. These are issued in the name
+of the bride's parent, parents, or guardian, who simply announce "the
+marriage of their daughter [or ward] Elizabeth to Mr. Henry Smith
+Walcott, Thursday, June the twentieth, eighteen hundred and ninety-six."
+In the left-hand corner is placed the address of those sending out the
+cards. A card is also inclosed with the names of the newly married
+couple, their address, and their reception day. Should there be neither
+parents nor guardians, the parties to the contract can announce it
+themselves with one card thus: "Mr. William Benham Thorne and Miss
+Eleanore Taylor, married on Thursday, November the seventh, eighteen
+hundred and ----, New York." Another card can also be inclosed, on
+which is the new address of the married couple, as well as their day at
+home. If it is a church wedding, and there are neither guardians nor
+parents, you can use the form, "You are invited to be present at the
+wedding of ----," etc.
+
+A too rigid economy should not be observed in the sending of wedding
+invitations, and the prospective bridegroom should see that this is
+carried out. In case there are several members of a family, it is good
+form to inclose an invitation to each; thus, Mr. and Mrs. Algernon
+Smith, the Misses Smith, and Messrs. Smith making three smaller
+envelopes inclosed in the larger one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Algernon
+Smith.
+
+As I have advised in the chapter on Cards, your pasteboard should be
+left at the house of those in whose name the invitations are issued,
+even if you are asked only to the church. If to the reception, you owe
+two visits of "digestion"--one to the bride's parents and one to the
+happy pair.
+
+All the expenses pertaining to a wedding are borne by the bride's
+parents. The bridegroom, however, pays the clergyman's fee and provides
+his own carriage, cab, or hansom from his rooms to the church. This
+vehicle is also sent to the house of the best man.
+
+All expenses after the marriage are, of course, defrayed by the
+bridegroom. It has been strict etiquette for the bride and bridegroom
+not to use the family carriage, which usually takes them from the
+church, to fetch them to the railroad station, but one provided by the
+bridegroom. It is frequently a matter of courtesy for the bride's
+parents to offer this for the occasion.
+
+_The bridegroom_ should, as soon as the wedding day is appointed, choose
+his best man and his ushers. The vogue is to ask his nearest unmarried
+male relative or his most intimate bachelor friend to serve in the
+capacity of best man. More recently a number of very fashionable New
+Yorkers have had married men take that position, and thus the innovation
+has sanction through the action of the "smart set." A married best man
+is said to be an English fad, but I find that it could be more correctly
+termed an Anglo-Indian mode, as this new idea is much more popular in
+Calcutta and Bombay than in London.
+
+In the selection of ushers, a man asks usually some few of his intimates
+or club friends, and through courtesy to his prospective bride a male
+member of her family, frequently her brother. Six ushers are the usual
+number, although four are quite sufficient. Some few men have been known
+to dispense with the services of the best man and have only ushers, but
+this is not exactly correct at a fashionable church wedding. The ushers
+can be very easily omitted if the ceremony is to take place at the
+house.
+
+_The bridegroom_ presents his best man and his ushers with their ties,
+their gloves, and tie pin, which is a souvenir of the occasion, as well
+as their _boutonnières_, or "buttonholes," to accept the last English
+expression, to be worn at the ceremony.
+
+The tie, gloves, and tie pin are given to the best man and the ushers at
+the farewell bachelor dinner; the _boutonnières_ are ordered at the
+florist's and sent to them on the morning of the wedding. Lilies of the
+valley are the favorite wedding flowers, but the floral arrangements are
+regulated by the bride's family, who possibly have a certain color or
+flower scheme for the church decorations, and the "buttonholes" must be
+in keeping.
+
+_The bridegroom_ generally provides hansoms or _coupés_ to drive his
+ushers to the church from their respective residences. As the bride's
+family provides the carriages for the _cortège_, these other vehicles
+may be dismissed at the church.
+
+_The bridegroom_ himself drives to the church in a hansom with his best
+man.
+
+If it is a house wedding these carriages need not be provided. In this
+country the _bridegroom_ does not give the bridesmaids any token or
+present. In England he presents them with brooches or bracelets. In New
+York the bride presents her maid of honor and bridesmaids with souvenirs
+in the shape of lace pins, brooches, or bracelets.
+
+_The bridegroom_ always gives to his bride a handsome wedding present,
+which is to be worn or carried on the happy day. It may be a diamond
+tiara, it may be a diamond star, it may be jewels of any kind which he
+can ascertain would be acceptable to her, or it may be a prayer book.
+_The bridegroom_ does not provide any part of the bride's costume.
+
+If the bride should carry flowers instead of a prayer book, this special
+bouquet is the gift of the bridegroom, but the flowers for the
+bridesmaids are provided by the bride.
+
+The expenses of the wedding notices in the newspapers and the fee to the
+clergyman are paid by the bridegroom through the agency of the best
+man.
+
+The wedding ring is of bright burnished gold, perfectly plain. The date
+of the wedding and the initials of the happy pair should be engraved on
+the inside. The ring is confided to the best man, who produces it at the
+proper time during the ceremony.
+
+It is customary for a prospective bridegroom to purchase or, rather, to
+have a wedding outfit made. Very elaborate affairs of this kind are not
+in good taste, and anything which suggests the occasion is certainly
+vulgar. Beyond the clothes for the ceremony, there should be a general
+overhauling of the wardrobe and shirts, undervests, underclothes,
+handkerchiefs, and such articles must, if any of them are needed or have
+fallen into decay, be supplied or renewed. All this is a matter of
+taste.
+
+_The bachelor farewell dinner_ is now a recognized institution. Perhaps
+next to the ceremony itself, it is regarded as the most important social
+function of the wedding week.
+
+If you are a member of a club, your farewell dinner should be given
+there in one of the private dining rooms. Otherwise it is perfectly
+correct to have it at a well-known restaurant or hotel, in, of course, a
+private dining room. You may have it at your own house, and, should your
+parents be living and you reside with them, it can be given at home.
+The club, however, is really first choice. Sometimes the strictly
+bachelor dinner is dispensed with, and in its stead a dinner is given to
+the entire bridal party by the family of the bride. This does away with
+the presumed selfishness of the "stag" dinner, and the possible excuse
+for some one or more of the guests to become exhilarated--a _finale_, I
+am grieved to say, that has happened on more than one occasion.
+
+At the stag dinner you should have your best man, your ushers, and
+several of your friends. You can invite a married man or so, especially
+if he is a very jolly fellow, and it is expected that some one or more
+of your bride's relatives will be included. Twelve is a good number,
+but, of course, never thirteen, because women are generally
+superstitious, and should this become known to your future one it might
+cause her great mental anxiety.
+
+The gloves, ties, and tie or scarf pins to be given to the best man and
+ushers are placed in white boxes tied with white satin ribbon and put in
+the outer room to be handed to each man as he bids adieu. Perhaps it
+might be more prudent to place them at the covers, but it would hardly
+be good form, as there would be in that case several of the guests
+without favors. And, besides, a dinner with favors is not permissible
+in these days.
+
+_Boutonnières_ of lilies of the valley should be also placed at each
+cover. The _menu_ cards should be simple but tasteful. Elaborate _menus_
+are not now in the best form. In fact, with a bachelor dinner, as with
+all functions of this kind, elegant simplicity should be the
+predominating characteristic; cut glass and silver are all that is
+required. In the center of the table a basket, or, better, a silver
+_jardinière_ of roses, is the only floral decoration. During the course
+of the dinner these flowers are removed and are sent to the bride-elect.
+It is sometimes the custom--and a very pretty one--for each guest to
+note a sentiment on a _menu_ card or simply his own name, and have that
+sent also with the flowers.
+
+The dinner itself can, but need not be very elaborate. I do not like a
+dinner of many courses. It is usual to serve sherry and whisky and
+caviare sandwiches in the anteroom before dinner, and also to have
+cigars and cigarettes galore there as well as at table, although it is
+not permissible to smoke before the cheese is served. I would recommend
+raw oysters, a clear soup, a bit of fish with sliced cucumber--an
+attractive _entrée_; a _fillet_ with vegetables, canvas-back duck,
+cheese and salad, coffee, and fruit.
+
+
+THE CEREMONY.
+
+On the morning of the wedding the bridegroom is called for in the hansom
+or cab which has been ordered for himself and the best man. The best man
+calls for him and takes him to the church. They should time their
+movements so as to arrive at least five minutes before the hour
+appointed for the ceremony. The same precaution should be observed if it
+is a house wedding.
+
+At day weddings afternoon dress is _de rigueur_ for bridegroom, best
+man, ushers, and all male guests. The bridegroom, best man, and ushers
+should be dressed alike in frock coats and waistcoats to match, trousers
+of dark gray striped, patent-leather shoes, gray suede gloves, white or
+pearl-colored scarfs, and top hats.
+
+The English have allowed some latitude, and wear gray frock coats and
+even colored shirts, but this fashion is not generally in vogue in
+America. Evening weddings require formal evening dress. A wedding at
+dusk in winter, where the bride wears traveling costume, calls for
+afternoon dress on the part of the bridegroom.
+
+The bridegroom and best man alight at the vestry. They remain in the
+back of the chancel until the first notes of the wedding march notify
+them of the presence of the bride. The best man must see before the
+ceremony that the bridegroom's top hat, as well as his own, is sent to
+the entrance of the church to be handed to the respective owners on
+their exit.
+
+When the bride, on the arm of her father or guardian, approaches the
+altar, the bridegroom and best man walk out from the vestry, either
+together or the best man in advance. In the latter case the best man
+steps back at the chancel rail, and allows the bridegroom to pass before
+him. The bridegroom stands on the right-hand side of the altar or
+reading desk and the best man on his right. The bride is on the
+bridegroom's left, and her father or guardian a little behind her on her
+left.
+
+To avoid confusion, the ceremony is generally rehearsed an evening or
+two before. Much depends on the liturgy of the communion to which the
+couple belong. The best man has charge of the ring, and must produce it
+and hand it to the clergyman at the time it is demanded.
+
+At the conclusion of the ceremony the best man precedes the bride and
+bridegroom in the procession, escorting the maid of honor, unless the
+_cortège_ has been differently arranged. In that case, he makes his way
+either through the vestry or down one of the aisles to the church door,
+where he superintends the filing away of the bridal carriages and party.
+At the reception he goes in to breakfast with the maid of honor, or with
+a near relative of the bride's family. He may use the bridegroom's
+hansom from the church to the house, or he may go with one of the
+family. There is no rule for this. The bride and bridegroom use the
+bride's carriage.
+
+The best man is intrusted also with the paying of the clergyman. The
+bridegroom will give him a check for this purpose. As already stated, he
+also inserts the marriage notices in the newspapers, the funds for which
+are also provided by the bridegroom. He pays his own personal expenses.
+
+The ushers meet in the church about an hour before the ceremony. The
+bridegroom generally puts carriages at their disposal, but that is not
+in the least obligatory. They can take hansoms or cabs, or for that
+matter go to the rendezvous in the car or stage. The ushers stand at the
+foot of the nave or aisle and busy themselves escorting guests to
+seats. An usher offers his right arm to the lady he escorts up the
+aisle. Even if a lady should be accompanied by her husband or escort,
+the usher should offer her his arm, and the other man walks up behind
+them. If an usher should not have had the formality of an introduction
+to the lady he is showing to a seat, a bow and a smile when leaving her
+is all that is necessary. An usher, being a friend of the family, knows
+those who ought to go beyond the ribbon and those who are not relatives
+or family connections. The bride's brothers, if they are ushers, take
+care of the members of their family, and the intimate friends of the
+bridegroom or his relations. The relatives of the bride are placed in
+the front pews beyond the ribbon on the right-hand side of the altar,
+and the bridegroom's on the left-hand side. At the arrival of the bridal
+party the ushers get together and form in the back of the church for the
+procession up the aisle or nave. Their meeting thus is the cue for the
+sexton, who signals the organist, and the march is started. The ushers
+advance up the aisle, two by two, until they reach the chancel, where
+they divide on the right and on the left, allowing the bridesmaids to
+pass before them, standing in a semicircle around the altar rails. If it
+is a Roman Catholic wedding they genuflect as they reach the chancel.
+They file down the aisle in the same order, heading the bridal
+procession. At the carriage way they assist the bridesmaids in their
+carriages, and by previous arrangement they are allotted to certain
+carriages escorting the bridesmaids.
+
+_At the reception_ the bride and bridegroom take their places under a
+wedding bell of flowers or in the front drawing room between the two
+front windows, or, again, in the back drawing room. The house is
+decorated with palms, potted plants, flowers, and other foliage. Pink
+and white orchids, ferns, and chrysanthemums make very effective
+decorations. The mother of the bride, or nearest female relative, stands
+at the door of the drawing room and greets the guests. The ushers and
+bridesmaids are scattered about the room. If there is only a reception,
+then the guests, after exchanging greetings with the lady of the house,
+pass on and shake hands with and congratulate the bridegroom and wish
+the bride joy. Unless you are an intimate friend, do not attempt any set
+speech. The bride will say, if she has not seen you for a short time
+before the wedding, "I must thank you, Mr. Smith, for your beautiful
+present," or something of that kind. If you do not know the bridegroom
+she will present you to him. If you are a friend of the bridegroom he
+will present you to the bride, and should say, if such is the case,
+"Evangeline," or "May," or "Margaret," or otherwise; or "My dear, let me
+present to you Mr. Algernon Smith, who, you remember, is one of my best
+friends." And if Mrs. ---- has any tact, she will at once reply, "I am
+so pleased to meet any of my husband's old friends, and I must thank
+you, Mr. Smith, for the beautiful _bonbon_ dishes. They were just what I
+wanted," or words to that effect. Then pass on. Refreshments are served
+at a wedding reception from a buffet in the dining room. If you enter
+with a lady, ask her what she would like, and get it for her. Then take
+your own choice of refreshment, and stand or sit by her as the
+accommodations of the room will permit. A half hour at a wedding
+reception is sufficient. It is not good form to bid good-by to the bride
+and bridegroom, but only to the lady of the house.
+
+If there is no chaperon--for instance, if the bride be a widow or
+divorcee and is in her own home--then you must bid her good-by, but in
+such cases large receptions are not given.
+
+There is always a breakfast or luncheon set for the bridal party, at
+which the bride, escorted by the bridegroom, leads the way. The bride's
+father, escorting the bridegroom's mother, the ushers and bridesmaids
+and relatives follow. In this country we have no special law of
+precedence, and these bridal luncheons are more or less informal. There
+are no toasts.
+
+After breakfast the valet, should there be one, must be ready with the
+bridegroom's valise, when his master retires to put on a tweed suit for
+traveling; otherwise it can be laid out by one of the servants. With the
+coachman on the box and amid the usual shower of rice and slippers, as
+also the fusillade of a battery of eyes from neighbors' windows, and
+perhaps a crowd of street urchins and admiring servants, the happy
+couple start out on their wedding journey. I think it is better taste to
+wait until dark, almost, so as to avoid all this unseemly publicity, and
+I am averse to having the coachman and horses decked with white ribbons;
+but, of course, one does not marry every day in the year, and these
+little eccentricities are pardonable on such--shall I say?--an
+"auspicious" occasion.
+
+At a home wedding, as has been said above, ushers are not necessary. The
+same ceremonial is observed as at church, but due allowance must be
+made for crowded quarters. Usually very few are asked to the ceremony,
+but many to the reception afterward. As soon as the ceremony is over
+congratulations are in order, the newly married couple standing under
+the bell of flowers where they were married, and receiving the good
+wishes of their friends.
+
+If a man marries abroad there are many annoying bits of red tape to be
+considered. In London you are obliged to have a legal residence in the
+parish where the ceremony is to be performed. In Paris a civil marriage
+before the mayor of the district is necessary. Certificates of baptism
+must be filed with him, and you must give proof of the legal consent of
+both your parents as well as those of the bride. The religious ceremony
+takes place twenty-four hours after the civil. It is strict etiquette
+that the contracting parties do not see each other during this interim.
+
+The order of the wedding procession in France and on the Continent
+differs vastly from that in England and America. There are neither
+ushers nor a best man. If there are bridesmaids the groomsmen accompany
+them. The bride enters on the arm of her father preceded by the
+attendants, and the bridegroom follows, escorting his future
+mother-in-law. A long procession of relatives brings up the rear. The
+men, no matter at what time of the day the ceremony might take
+place--and evening weddings are unknown--are in formal evening dress.
+
+Under the French law also no widow or divorcee can remarry until ten
+months have elapsed since the dissolution of the previous contract. This
+should not be forgotten by bachelors contemplating matrimony with either
+one of these classes of eligibles. In Germany there are further
+complications, and I would advise all citizens of the United States
+contemplating matrimony there to consult the consul or minister at the
+legation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+FUNERALS.
+
+
+When a death occurs in the house all matters should at once be placed in
+charge of a relative or a friend of the family. The family itself should
+be kept away from every one as much as possible, and none of the sad
+details left to them. They should not be seen until the day of the
+funeral. Front windows should be shut, blinds and shades pulled down,
+and the outer or storm door of the house closed. A servant is stationed
+in the hall near the door, as on reception days, to receive the cards of
+persons calling. All acquaintances who have been entertained at the
+house leave cards in person, others may mail them. Only intimate friends
+of the family are admitted to the house.
+
+Should you send flowers, do not purchase or order any set designs. They
+are hideous--remind one of the tenement funerals, and are strikingly
+inappropriate. A bunch of white roses or of violets is a beautiful
+offering for a young woman, or two palms crossed, with violets or lilies
+of the valley attached, for a man or an elderly person. These should be
+accompanied by your card. If you have been an intimate friend, a few
+words written--a short note of condolence--would not be amiss. To all of
+these notes, and in acknowledgment of these offerings, one of the family
+nearest the deceased in relationship should respond by sending their
+card with the words, "Thank you for your kind sympathy," or something of
+that sort, written upon it.
+
+As a rule, when the deceased is a young man who belongs to several clubs
+or who has a numerous acquaintance, it is better to have the funeral
+from a church. Pallbearers are chosen from among his intimate friends; a
+relative never acts as pallbearer. It is not customary for any except
+the nearest relatives to go to the cemetery. Ladies of the family do not
+accompany the remains to the cemetery, and they frequently do not attend
+the funeral services at the church if the deceased is a man.
+
+If the funeral services are held at the house the relatives and intimate
+friends are invited into the back parlor, dining room, or upstairs, and
+make their appearance only when the services begin. The undertaker
+attends to seating people, arranging the rooms, etc.
+
+There is only one proper dress for a man to wear at a funeral. It should
+consist of black frock coat, dark trousers, dark scarf and gloves (gray
+or dark tan, but not black, unless you are a relative), and top hat.
+Should you be a relative or a pallbearer, wear a black weed on your hat.
+
+As to periods of mourning, there seems to be some little difference of
+opinion in New York. Ward McAllister treated the subject in quite an
+exhaustive manner, advocating short mourning terms even for the nearest
+relatives. For a wife eighteen months is considered the proper thing;
+for a parent, twelve to eighteen months, sometimes two years; for a
+brother or a sister, one year; and for a grandparent, six months. A
+maternal or paternal uncle or aunt is entitled to about two months or
+less, according to the intimacy which has existed between the families.
+Seclusion from society is generally consonant with mourning for near
+relatives. However, people now go to the theater and small dinners and
+teas after nine months of mourning for the very nearest relatives.
+
+It is not necessary for a man to shroud himself in black. A silk hat
+with a crape band nearly to the top should be worn by widowers during
+the first year of their widowerhood; but black shirt studs, black sleeve
+buttons, handkerchiefs bordered with black, and the other abominations
+in which the grief-stricken Frenchman arrays himself are not tolerated
+in this country. In deep mourning one can wear black ties and black
+gloves, but a white linen tie in summer is permissible. I do not
+advocate the use of black scarf pins. A black band on the sleeve of a
+gray suit is also another affectation which should be avoided. Cards
+should be left after a funeral.
+
+There is no code of etiquette established as yet for divorce. Second
+marriages should be as quiet as possible. This advice is given to
+bachelors who are contemplating matrimony with divorcées.
+
+
+GENERAL ADVICE FOR UNCLASSIFIED OCCASIONS.
+
+If you are chosen godfather, you are expected to send a silver mug to
+your godchild. Christening parties are held about four in the afternoon.
+Afternoon dress is required.
+
+When giving a dinner or any entertainment at a certain well-known New
+York restaurant do not refer to it as "Del's." This is an earmark of
+vulgarity.
+
+When speaking of the city of New York do not refer to it as "Gotham."
+This shows the worst kind of provincialism and a vulgar spirit.
+
+Even should your friends be among the most exclusive and fashionable in
+any place, they are never "swells," nor do they belong to the "Four
+Hundred." The latter term was once used by a gentleman to designate the
+probable list of people who were to entertain in New York that season,
+and has no bearing whatever upon the question of social limit.
+
+If you send flowers never have them arranged in set designs. Fair
+voyagers will thank you much more if you send fruit, sweets, or books,
+as flowers on shipboard or railroad trains are nuisances. Books, sweets,
+and flowers are the only gifts which a bachelor can offer or a woman
+accept from him.
+
+The terms "lady" and "gentleman" are distinctive. Your friends and
+acquaintances are all supposed to be ladies and gentlemen. To
+distinguish them as such implies a doubt. Should you call at a house you
+ask if the "ladies" are in, so as to distinguish them from the other
+females in the household. You also toast the "ladies." In referring to
+the gentler sex, it is more complimentary to speak of them as "women."
+You would say, "She is a clever woman," not a "clever lady." The person
+who speaks of "a lady or a gentleman friend" has a defined social
+position--on the Bowery.
+
+Avoid slang, especially that of the music halls or the comic (?)
+newspapers. You can well afford not to be "up to date."
+
+In greeting a person say "Good morning," "Good afternoon," or "Good
+evening," but refrain from such inane phrases as "Delighted, I'm sure."
+On introduction or presentation, it is sufficient to say "I am delighted
+to meet you." Avoid also the "How d'y do?" "How are you?" "Very well, I
+thank you." All this is idiotic.
+
+Whistle all you like in your bedroom, but not in public.
+
+Gentlefolk have "friends" stopping with them, never "company." Servants
+have and keep "company."
+
+When you refer to wine it means any kind of vintage, and not necessarily
+champagne. Therefore beware of the "gentleman who opens wine," or the
+one who gives a "wine party," whatever that may mean. We speak of a
+dinner, but not of a dinner party. A party to the play, no matter where
+the location of the places may be, is never a "box party."
+
+Do not be a professed jester nor yet a punster. The clowns of society
+are not enviable beings.
+
+When speaking of a fashionable woman do not refer to her as a "society
+woman." That would imply that she belongs to various societies or
+guilds, which is not probably the impression you desire to convey.
+
+When a person has a predilection for the use of the word "elegant," and
+especially when it is employed in the sense of beautiful, good,
+charming, or delightful, you are quite just in your estimation of his or
+her vulgarity.
+
+Answers to questions should be given in the direct affirmative or the
+direct negative. "All right" is not, to say the least, civil, and is
+ill-bred.
+
+Never exhibit your accomplishments, unless "by special request," in the
+public parlors of hotels, or saloons of ships, or other places of
+general gathering. The persons who sing and play the piano and make
+themselves bores are as reprehensible as the window opening and shutting
+fiends, the fidgety travelers, the loud-voiced and constant complaining,
+all of whom are most obnoxious.
+
+Under great provocation the expletive "damn" is tolerated by society,
+but it should be whispered and not pronounced aloud. The man who swears
+is certainly beyond the pale, and the one who uses silly and senseless
+exclamations is not far away from him. One of the marks of a gentleman
+is his complete mastery of himself under the most trying and aggravating
+circumstances.
+
+These are but few of the many "don'ts" which it seems necessary to
+repeat in works of this kind. For a more extended catalogue of social
+and grammatical sins, the reader is referred to that excellent book The
+Verbalist, by Alfred Ayres, and the clever little _brochure_ Don't. A
+careful study of these will assist him much in reviewing elementary
+questions, the knowledge of which was taken for granted by the author of
+the Complete Bachelor.
+
+
+
+
+INDEX.
+
+ACCEPTANCE, invitations, 46-48.
+Admission to clubs, rules for, 127-129.
+Admission, visitors to clubs, 131, 132.
+Advice, general, for unclassified occasions, 195, 196.
+Afternoon calls, etiquette of, 43-45.
+Afternoon dress, when worn, 12, 13.
+Afternoon tea, 45.
+Afternoon wedding, 184, 185.
+Aisle, church and theater, going up, 5.
+Almonds, salted, 69.
+Alpine hats, 28.
+Amateur accomplishments, 199.
+Announcement cards, 176.
+Announcement, engagement, method of, 169.
+Answers, Assembly and Patriarchs, 48.
+Answers, ball invitations, 48.
+Answers, committee invitations, 48.
+Answers, dinner invitations, 48.
+Answers, form of, 46-48.
+Answers, general, 48.
+Artichokes, method of eating, 70.
+Asparagus, method of eating, 70.
+Assembly balls, etiquette of, 48, 105-110.
+
+BACHELOR.--For all functions with this title, see various heads of
+  chapters.
+Bachelor's farewell dinner, 181-184.
+Badminton, 148.
+Bag, shoe, 30.
+Bag, traveling, what to take on a visit from Friday to Monday, 91-93.
+Bag, traveling, voyage long, 160, 161.
+Ball, Assembly, 105-110.
+Ball, Charity, 103.
+Ball, general etiquette of, 48, 102-110.
+Ball, Inauguration, 104.
+Ball, public, 48, 103, 104.
+Ball, supper at, 110, 111.
+Bath, bachelor's, 17, 18.
+Bathing, 156.
+Bath, Turkish, 22.
+Beard, care of, 19.
+Best man, dress for, 184.
+Best man, etiquette for, 180-182, 184-187.
+Bicycling, 144, 145.
+Billiards, 157, 158.
+Boating, 156.
+Bolting food, 62.
+Boots, 12, 13, 28-30, 37.
+Boots, care of, 28-30.
+Boots, riding, 142.
+Boots, russet, 13, 42, 147, 155.
+Bowing, etiquette of, 2-6, 9.
+Bowling, 147.
+Bridegroom, 178-180.
+Bridegroom, dress of, 184.
+Bridegroom, expenses of, 177, 178.
+Bridegroom, presents to bride and wedding party, 179, 180.
+Brushes, 19-26, 28-31.
+Brushes, clothes, 25, 26, 28-31.
+Brushes, hair, 19, 22.
+Brushes, hat, 28.
+Brushes, nail, 22.
+Brushes, tooth, 20.
+Butler, duties of, 100.
+Butter, when served, 66.
+
+CABS, London and Paris, 164, 165.
+Cabs, ushers and best men, 184, 186.
+Calls, afternoon, 43-46.
+Calls, balls and dances, 45.
+Calls, condolence, 45, 193.
+Calls, dinner, 45.
+Calls, evening, 43, 46.
+Calls, general etiquette of, 43-46, 106, 193.
+Calls, opera and theater, 45, 46.
+Calls, period in which to be made, 45.
+Card cases, 50.
+Card parties, 55.
+Cards, announcement, 176, 177.
+Cards, condolence, 50, 195.
+Cards, etiquette of leaving, 52, 53.
+Cards, etiquette of playing, 159.
+Cards, etiquette of visiting, 49-53, 106, 193.
+Cards, how many to leave, 51.
+Cards, leaving in person, 50, 51.
+Cards, mailing, 50.
+Cards, wedding, 174-176.
+Carriage, etiquette of, 4, 139.
+Cars, etiquette in street, 4, 8, 9.
+Carving, 65.
+Ceremony, wedding, 184, 185.
+Chafed faces, how to prevent, 19.
+Chafing-dish suppers, 78.
+Chains, watch, 16.
+Champagne, 71, 77, 78, 81.
+Changing clothes, 23, 24.
+Chaperones, 76, 79, 82, 87, 109.
+Cheating at games, 154.
+Christening, etiquette of, 196.
+Church, aisles, going up, 5.
+Church, ceremony at weddings, 184, 185.
+Churches, foreign, 166.
+Claret, 71.
+Cleaning clothes, 31.
+Clergy, addressing, manner of, 122, 168.
+Closets, clothes put in, 26.
+Clothes, care of, 24-31.
+Clothes, cost of, 32-42.
+Clothes, folding and brushing, 24-31.
+Clothes, overhauling, 30.
+Clothes, packing and putting away, 30, 31, 91-93.
+Clothes, removing and changing, 23-27.
+Clothes, removing grease stains from, 31.
+Clowns of society, 199.
+Club, admission of visitors, 131, 132.
+Club, admission to, 128-130.
+Club, bowing from, window, 134.
+Club, elections to membership, 128-130.
+Clubs, etiquette of, 126-136.
+Club, pipe smoking at, 133.
+Club servants, 134.
+Club, treating at, 134.
+Club, wearing hat at, 133.
+Club, where ladies are admitted, 135.
+Coaching, 143, 144.
+Coaching, dress for, 144.
+Coachman, dress or and livery, 98.
+Coachman, duties of, 98.
+Coat of arms, 121.
+Coats, care, folding, and keeping of, 24-26.
+Coats, cost of, 33-36, 38.
+Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, 15, 35.
+Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, cost of, 35.
+Coats, dress or evening, when to wear, 13, 56, 164-167, 186.
+Coats, frock, cost of, 38.
+Coats, frock, when to wear, 12, 13, 186, 187, 195.
+Coats, frock, colored, 13.
+Coats, lounge or sack, 10-12.
+Coffee, black, when served, 73.
+"Company," 198.
+Condolence, letters of, 125.
+Congratulation, letters of, 125.
+Corn, eating on cob, 72.
+Correspondence, etiquette of business, 120-123.
+Correspondence, etiquette of friendly, 119-121, 124.
+Cotillon, etiquette of, 112-118.
+Cotillon, figures of, 116-118.
+Cotillon, form of, 112-115.
+Cotillon, leading a, 113-115.
+Country house, entertaining by bachelor, 86-89.
+Country house, etiquette at, 85-93.
+Country house, furnishing of, 88.
+Country house, tipping servants at, 90.
+Country house, visits at, 88-90.
+Crests, use of, 121.
+Crossing legs in public, 8.
+Crossing streets, 1, 2.
+Cucumbers, how served and eaten, 69.
+Customhouse, French and English, 166, 167.
+
+"Damn," when it may be excused, 200.
+Dance card, not used in New York, 108.
+Dance, etiquette of, 102-118.
+Dance, forms of, 109, 114-118.
+Dance, manner of asking to, 108.
+Dances, bachelor, 82.
+Dances, dinner, 60.
+Dances, invitations to, 48.
+"Del's," 197.
+Diamonds, 16.
+Dinner, bachelor farewell, 161, 162.
+Dinner, bachelor host at home, 77, 78.
+Dinner, bachelor host at restaurant, 83.
+Dinner coat, when worn, 15.
+Dinner dance, 60.
+Dinner, general etiquette of, 46, 47, 54-74, 77, 78, 82, 83, 161, 162.
+Dinner, serving at, 78, 100.
+Don'ts of table etiquette, 62-65.
+Dress, afternoon, 13.
+Dress, afternoon wedding, 179, 185, 187.
+Dress, bachelor's, for all times, 13-16.
+Dress, badminton, 148.
+Dress, bathing, 156.
+Dress, boating, 156.
+Dress, bowling, 157.
+Dress, butler, 101.
+Dress, coaching, 138.
+Dress, coachman, 98.
+Dress, driving and coaching, 138.
+Dress, evening, 13-15, 32-35, 56, 156, 164, 166, 167.
+Dress, evening, formal, 13, 14.
+Dress, evening, informal, 15.
+Dress, evening wedding, 187.
+Dress, foreign, morning and evening functions, 164, 166, 167.
+Dress, funeral, 195.
+Dress, golf, 154.
+Dress, groom, 96, 97.
+Dress, morning or lounge, 11, 12.
+Dress, polo, 148.
+Dress, riding, 142.
+Dress, riding to hounds, 142.
+Dress, shipboard, 161, 162.
+Dress, shooting, 146.
+Dress, skating, 148.
+Dress, tennis, 156.
+Dress, theaters, London and Paris, 166.
+Dress, traveling, 160.
+Dress, valet, 99, 100.
+Dress, wheeling, 145.
+Dress, yachting, 149, 152.
+Drinking with mouth full, 63.
+
+Eggs, eaten from shell, 66.
+Elevator, etiquette of, 5.
+Engagements, announcement, 169, 170.
+Engagements, etiquette of, 169, 171.
+Engagements, presents during, 171.
+Engagement ring, 170.
+Entrées, manner of serving, 69.
+Envelopes and stationery, proper form of, 120, 122, 123.
+Envelopes, sealing, 122, 123.
+Escorts, 5, 9.
+Esquire, when used, 121.
+Expenses, wedding, who pays, 177.
+Eye, bath for, 19.
+
+Fares, paying, 9.
+Fees, foreign countries, 163-165.
+Feet, care of, 21.
+Fish, manner of eating, 69.
+Flask, brandy, 161.
+Flowers, sending, 171, 194, 198.
+Foreign etiquette, 162, 164.
+Foreign marriages, 191, 192.
+"Four hundred," 197.
+French titles, 168.
+Frock coats, 12, 13, 38, 184, 195.
+Fruit, manner of eating, 71, 72.
+
+Gifts, when engaged, 171.
+Golf, dress for, 155.
+Golf, etiquette of, 153, 154.
+Gotham, 197.
+Grace at meals, 58.
+Grape fruit, 67.
+Grease, removal of, 31.
+Greetings, 198.
+Groom, dress of, 96, 97.
+Groom, duties of, 96-98.
+
+Hairbrushes, 22.
+Hair, care of, 21.
+Handkerchiefs, pocket, 14, 27.
+Hands, care of, 20.
+Hands on table, 64.
+Hat, care of, 28.
+Hat, Derby, when worn, 11.
+Hat, Hombourg or Alpine, when worn, 11.
+Hat, opera or crush, 13.
+Hat, straw, 15.
+Hat, top or silk, 13, 14.
+Hoisting colors, 150, 151.
+Hounds, riding to, 142.
+
+Introducing men to women, 41.
+Introduction, letters of, 45.
+Introductions, etiquette of, 41, 42.
+Introductions, formal, 41.
+Introductions, general, 41.
+Introductions in street not good form, 42.
+Introductions, when and when not made, 41, 42.
+Invitation, ball, 48, 103.
+Invitation, dance, 48.
+Invitation, dinner, 46, 47.
+Invitation, luncheon, 54, 76.
+Invitation, wedding, 172-176.
+Invitations, various forms of, 46-48, 54, 76, 172-176.
+Inauguration Ball, 104.
+
+Jacket, dinner or Tuxedo coat, 15, 34, 35.
+Jewelry, use of, 16.
+
+Ladies annex to clubs, 135.
+"Lady and gentleman," when used, 198.
+Lancers, 109.
+Legs, crossing, 8.
+Letters, a bachelor's, 119-126.
+Letters, addressing, 121-123.
+Letters, business, 122, 124.
+Letters, condolence, 125.
+Letters, congratulation, 125.
+Letters, club, paper written on, 124.
+Letters, destroying old, 120.
+Letters, friendly, 122.
+Letters, hotel or business paper, written on, 124.
+Letters of introduction, 45.
+Letters, sealing, 123.
+Letters, stamping, 123.
+Lifting hat, occasions for, 2-7.
+Lift or elevators, etiquette of, 5.
+Liqueurs, 73.
+London, cab and hotel fees, 165, 166.
+London, general traveling etiquette, 165, 166.
+Luncheon dishes, 66.
+Luncheons, 54-56, 66, 74, 76, 77.
+Luncheons, bachelor, 76, 77.
+Lunch, quick, 64.
+
+Macaroni, 72.
+Mailing cards, 51.
+Manners, code of table, 64-73.
+Marriage announcements, 176.
+Marriage ceremony, 178.
+Marriages, formalities at foreign, 192.
+Men servants, 94-101.
+Menus, 67, 77, 78, 81, 111, 183.
+Ministers fees, by whom paid, 186.
+Morning bath, 17.
+Morning or lounge suit, 11, 12.
+"Mr." and "Esq.," when to use, 121.
+Mushrooms, how to eat, 70.
+
+Nailbrushes, 20.
+Nails, 20.
+Napkin, proper use of, 63.
+Nervous people at table, 63.
+Nobility, addressing, 167, 168.
+
+Omnibus, Paris and London, 166.
+Olives, how to eat, 69.
+Opera or crush hat, 14, 39.
+Opera or theater calls, 45.
+Opera, visits between the acts, 80.
+Overcoats, 14-16, 25.
+Overcoats, Chesterfield and covert, 14-16.
+Overhauling clothes, 30.
+Oysters, 68.
+Oyster cocktails, 68.
+
+Paper, note, correct kind, 120.
+Paris cabs, 165.
+Paris, etiquette for strangers, 164-166.
+Paris theaters, 166.
+Park suits, 13.
+Patriarchs' Ball, 105-111.
+Picnics, 85-87.
+Pipe smoking, 7, 133.
+Pope, audience with, 166.
+Pourboires, 165.
+Programme at London theaters, 164.
+
+Queen, how to address, 166.
+Quick lunch, 62.
+
+Radishes, when served, 67.
+Reception, wedding, 188.
+Removing grease, 31.
+Restaurant, bachelor dinner and luncheon at, 80-83.
+Restaurants, etiquette of, 5, 6.
+Riding, 140, 141.
+Riding to hounds, 142.
+Ring, engagement, 169, 170.
+
+Sack suits, 12.
+Salad, 71.
+Salt and pepper, individual, 75.
+Savories, 71.
+Scarves, 16.
+Scotch whisky, 73.
+Sea, costume at, 161, 162.
+Sealing letters, 123.
+Seat, giving one's, in car or ferry, 8, 9.
+Second helping, 65.
+Servants, a bachelor's, 94-101.
+Servants, club, 132, 134.
+Servants, general duties of, 94, 95.
+Shaven, clean, servants, 94, 95.
+Shaving, 18, 19.
+Shawl straps, 161.
+Sherry, 69.
+Ship, etiquette on board, 160-162.
+Ship, sending flowers to, 198.
+Shirts, 11-14, 24, 32, 35, 37.
+Shirts, colored, 12, 37.
+Shoe bag, 30.
+Shoes and boots, care of, 28, 29.
+Shoes, black leather, 12.
+Shoes, cost of, 36.
+Shoes, general information about, 12, 14, 28, 29, 37, 38.
+Shoes, patent leather, 12, 14, 28, 29.
+Shoes, russet, 12, 29, 145, 155, 162.
+Shooting, 146.
+Shops, etiquette of, 4.
+Signatures to letters, 121.
+Smoking, 7, 133.
+Smoking in street, 7.
+Smoking, pipe, 7, 133.
+Slang, use of, 198.
+"Society lady," 199.
+Soup, 68.
+Sporting bachelor, 136-160.
+Stages, etiquette of, 4, 8.
+Stairways, etiquette of, 6, 7.
+Stamping letters, 123.
+Stamp, use of club, 123.
+Standing, in presence of women, 6, 8.
+Staring at women, 8.
+Stationery, business and hotel, 124.
+Stationery, club, 124, 134.
+Stationery, proper to use, 120, 124.
+Stopping acquaintances in street, 4.
+Strawberries, 72.
+Street, crossing, with lady, 1.
+Street, etiquette of, 1-9.
+Street, introductions on, 42.
+Street, smoking in, 7.
+Stick, proper method of holding, 7.
+Style of walking, proper, 7.
+Supper, ball and dance, 110, 111.
+Supper, chafing-dish, 78.
+Supper, given by a bachelor, 78, 81, 83, 84.
+Supper, restaurant, 78, 81, 82.
+Supper, suggestions for menu, 78, 81, 82.
+Swearing, caution against, 198.
+
+Table, carving at, 65.
+Table manners, 62-74.
+Table, setting and arrangement of, 75, 76.
+Tea, afternoon, etiquette of, 45.
+Teeth, care of, 19, 20.
+Tennis, etiquette of, 148.
+Terrapin, how to eat and serve, 70.
+Theater aisle, walking down, 5.
+Theater and opera, calls at, 45, 46.
+Theater clubs, 82.
+Theater, etiquette at, 3-5, 8, 45, 46, 78-80, 82.
+Theater parties, 78-82.
+Theaters, etiquette at foreign, 162, 163.
+Third person, addressing people in, 122.
+Ties and scarfs, 11, 12, 14, 16, 35, 179, 184.
+Ties, men's, cost of, 35.
+Ties, presentation of, to best man and ushers, 179.
+Tips and tipping, 90, 132, 165, 166.
+Titles, foreign, 167, 168.
+Toasts at dinner, 64.
+Toothbrushes, care of, 20.
+Tooth washes, 19, 20.
+Toilet articles, care of, 22.
+Toilet, bachelor's, 17-24.
+Tonic for hair, 21.
+Towels for bath, 18.
+Traveling, etiquette of, abroad, 161-163.
+Traveling, etiquette of, in America, 160-162.
+Trousers, care of, 26, 27.
+Trousers, folding, 26.
+Trousers, white duck and flannel, 12.
+Trunk, or bag, packed for Friday to Monday visit, 89.
+Trunks, how to pack, 160.
+Trunks, traveling with, 161.
+Turkish baths, 22.
+Tuxedo coat, when to wear, 15.
+
+Umbrella, how to carry, 7.
+Usher, dress of, 184.
+Ushers, duties of, at wedding, 186, 187.
+
+Valet, dress of, 99, 100.
+Valet, duties of, 98-100.
+Visiting cards, 49-53.
+Visiting cards, leaving, mailing, sending, 51-53.
+Visiting cards, style of, 49, 50.
+Visiting, country house, 85-93.
+Visiting, fashionable time for, in New York, 43.
+Visitors at clubs, 131, 132.
+Von, use of title, 168.
+
+Walking, etiquette of, 1-8.
+Walking, proper style of, 7.
+Waltzing, 109.
+Wedding, announcement, cards, 176.
+Wedding, church, 184-186.
+Wedding etiquette, 172-193.
+Wedding expenses, 177.
+Wedding, house, 188.
+Wedding, hour fashionable for, 172.
+Wedding receptions, 188, 189.
+Weddings, divorcee's and widow's, 176, 192.
+Weddings, English and French, 144, 145.
+Wheeling, etiquette of, 144, 145.
+Wheeling, proper dress for, 145.
+Whisky, Scotch, 73.
+
+Yachting, club rules for, cruise, 149-151.
+Yachting, etiquette of, 148-152.
+Yachting, proper dress for, 149.
+Yachting, proper uniform for officers and crew, 152.
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+[Transcriber's Note: The following typographical errors from the
+original edition have been corrected. No other corrections have been
+made to the original text. In addition, page references in the index
+contain numerous minor and several major inaccuracies. In most cases,
+the HTML version links to the nearest relevant section; in one case, no
+link has been provided.
+
+In Chapter II, "Evening dress is _de rigeur_" has been changed to
+"Evening dress is _de rigueur_".
+
+In Chapter VII, "conveyed thereform in carriages" has been changed to
+"conveyed therefrom in carriages".
+
+In Chapter VIII, "Chatreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac" has been
+changed to "Chartreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac".
+
+In Chapter XIX, "carriages for the cortége" has been changed to
+"carriages for the cortège", "unless the cortége has been differently
+arranged" has been changed to "unless the cortège has been differently
+arranged", and "the intimate friends of the bridegroom of his relations"
+has been changed to "the intimate friends of the bridegroom or his
+relations".
+
+In Chapter XX, a missing quotation mark has been added at the end of the
+sentence "Servants have and keep 'company.'"]
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COMPLETE BACHELOR ***
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Complete Bachelor
+       Manners for Men
+
+Author: Walter Germain
+
+Release Date: July 2, 2008 [EBook #25950]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COMPLETE BACHELOR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Steven desJardins and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+The Complete Bachelor
+
+Manners for Men
+
+By the Author of the
+"As Seen by Him" Papers
+
+With Index
+
+[Illustration: Publisher's logo]
+
+New York
+D. Appleton and Company
+
+1896
+
+
+
+
+COPYRIGHT, 1896,
+BY D. APPLETON AND COMPANY.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+I suppose a book of this character needs some excuse. The world is full
+of volumes written on etiquette, and, in adding another to the number,
+my plea for filling the want long felt may seem ridiculous. But I have
+an excellent reason, and that is, that in all treatises of this
+character I have found the bachelor sadly neglected.
+
+For many years, while conducting the query or "agony department" in
+Vogue, I received letters from all parts of the United States asking for
+information on certain details of etiquette which seem to have been
+overlooked by the compilers or writers of etiquette manuals. My
+correspondents always wanted these questions answered from the New York
+standpoint. All this I have endeavored to do in this volume. I have
+devoted a chapter to sports. In this I have made no attempt to give the
+rules of the various pastimes therein enumerated. I have simply jotted
+down some points which I hope may be of use to the outsider.
+
+In the chapter on dancing I have taken the Patriarchs' Ball in New York
+as my standard of subscription entertainments of this character. I have
+also written about cotillons as they are conducted in New York. I have
+endeavored to be plain and lucid. I only desired that this book should
+be a help to my reader in any dilemma of social import, and if I shall
+have proved of assistance, I shall feel that my mission has been
+accomplished, and that I have reached the goal of my ambition.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+CHAPTER                                                 PAGE
+      I.    THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC                         1
+     II.    HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS                   10
+    III.    THE BACHELOR'S TOILET                         17
+     IV.    THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES              24
+      V.    INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS         41
+     VI.    CARDS                                         49
+    VII.    THE DINER-OUT                                 54
+   VIII.    A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS                       62
+     IX.    THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST                     74
+      X.    THE COUNTRY HOUSE                             85
+     XI.    A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS                         94
+    XII.    THE DANCE                                    102
+   XIII.    THE COTILLON                                 112
+    XIV.    A BACHELOR'S LETTERS                         119
+     XV.    THE BACHELOR'S CLUB                          126
+    XVI.    THE SPORTING BACHELOR                        136
+   XVII.    A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD      160
+  XVIII.    THE ENGAGED BACHELOR                         169
+    XIX.    THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING                       172
+     XX.    FUNERALS                                     193
+
+
+
+
+THE COMPLETE BACHELOR.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC.
+
+
+The average man is judged by his appearance and his deportment in
+public. His dress, his bearing, his conduct toward women and his
+fellow-men, are telling characteristics.
+
+In the street, when walking with a woman--the term "lady" being
+objectionable, except in case of distinction--every man should be on his
+mettle. Common sense, which is the basis of all etiquette, teaches him
+that he should be her protector. Therefore, under general circumstances,
+his place is on the street or outer side. Should there be a crowd on the
+inner side, should the walking be muddy or rough, or should there be a
+building in process of repair, or one or the other of the inconveniences
+of city life, then the man should take the side which will enable him to
+shield his fair companion from all annoyance. At night a man offers his
+arm to a woman. In the daytime etiquette allows this only when the
+sidewalk is very rough, when there are steps to climb, a crowd to be
+piloted through, or a street crossing to effect. In any one of these
+emergencies suggest, "I think you will find it better to take my arm." A
+man never walks bodkin--that is, sandwiched between two women.
+
+It is the privilege of a woman to bow first. She may have reasons why
+she should not wish to continue an acquaintance, and a man should never
+take the initiative. Abroad, in many countries, the man bows first. When
+old friends meet, however, the bowing is simultaneous.
+
+A man lifts his hat in acknowledgment of any salutation made to the
+woman with whom he is walking. It is his place, on such an occasion, to
+bow to a man friend, whether the latter enjoys or does not have the
+pleasure of the acquaintance of the woman. A man's failure to do this
+signifies that the woman does not wish to know him, or that her
+companion does not wish her to know the other man.
+
+Hotel corridors and halls may be classed as semi-public places. A man
+meeting a woman in one of these, where by custom he is permitted to
+keep on his hat, must step aside and let her pass, raising his hat as he
+does so. This does not apply to theater corridors, theater or hotel
+lobbies, or offices. In such houses as the Waldorf in New York, where
+the hall is utilized as a general sitting room by both sexes, it is not
+good form for a man to keep on his hat. In London, however, the rule is
+not as strict.
+
+Men in this country do not lift their hats to one another, except when
+they are introduced in the open or a public place. Civility is never
+wasted, and it is proper, as well as an act of reverence, to thus salute
+a clergyman or a venerable and distinguished gentleman.
+
+A man always lifts his hat when offering a woman a service, such as
+picking up or restoring to her a dropped pocket handkerchief or other
+article, or when passing a fare in a public conveyance, or when
+rendering any trifling assistance. Should she be with a male escort, the
+latter should raise his hat and thank the person who has rendered the
+service. This bit of politeness is under no circumstances the prelude to
+an acquaintance with an unescorted woman, and no gentleman would take
+advantage of it. A man always raises his hat and remains uncovered when
+talking to a woman.
+
+It is not good form to stop a woman on the street, even if the exchange
+of a few commonplace remarks be the excuse. A man never joins a woman on
+a thoroughfare unless she be one from whose friendship he is sure that
+he can claim this privilege.
+
+A gentleman always assists a woman in and out of a carriage or a public
+conveyance. He opens the door of the vehicle for her, helps her in by a
+deft motion of the right arm, and with his left protects her skirts from
+any possible mud or dust on the wheel. As he leaves her he closes the
+door, and, if it be a private conveyance, gives directions to the
+driver. He lifts his hat in bidding her good-by. Even when there is a
+footman, a second man, or an attendant, it should be esteemed a favor to
+give this assistance.
+
+In entering shops, theaters, or other buildings, where there are
+swinging doors, the escort goes ahead and holds one of them ajar,
+passing in last. A woman always precedes a man, except in one or two
+special cases. A man precedes a woman walking down the aisle of a
+theater, and it is better form that he should take the inside seat,
+especially if there is a man occupying the place next to the vacant
+one. A man precedes a woman up a narrow staircase in a public building,
+but in a private house, in ascending or descending a stairway, he should
+always allow the woman to precede him. In entering a theater box a man
+follows the usher, preceding the woman down the theater corridor to the
+door of the box. He then holds this open, and the women precede him, he
+following them. In a church, in going down a narrow aisle, the woman
+precedes the man.
+
+The lift or elevator, as well as the corridors and lobbies of a public
+building, the office of a hotel, and the vestibule of a theater, are
+public highways. In these places a man keeps on his hat, his deportment
+being the same as he would observe in the street. But when the lift or
+elevator is fitted up as a drawing room, such as is used in hotels and
+other semi-public buildings, a man removes his hat when the other sex is
+of the number of its passengers.
+
+When escorting a woman to a house where she is to make a visit, always
+mount the stoop or steps with her, ring the bell, and remain there until
+the servant comes to the door. Then, if you are not going in, take off
+your hat and leave her. Restaurants, the dining rooms of hotels, roof
+gardens, and places of amusement in the open air, where refreshments are
+served, are semi-public.
+
+A man always rises from the table at which he is sitting when a woman
+bows to him and immediately returns the salutation. Should the place be
+in the open, he doffs his hat, which under such circumstances he is
+obliged to wear. When he is in a party and a lady and her escort chance
+to stop at his table to exchange greetings with his friends, he should
+rise and remain standing during the conversation. If a man is introduced
+to him, unattended by a woman, and he is with a stag party, politeness
+bids him also rise.
+
+A gentleman will never be seen in public with characters whom he could
+not introduce to his mother or his sister. A man when he is with a lady
+should be very careful, especially at roof gardens and such places in
+midsummer, about recognizing male acquaintances who seem to be in rather
+doubtful company.
+
+In walking, a man should carry either a stick or a well-rolled umbrella.
+The stick should be grasped just below the crook or knob, but the
+ferrule must be kept downward. In business hours or on business
+thoroughfares to carry a stick is an affectation, but the man of
+leisure is regarded leniently in these abodes as a privileged character.
+
+The umbrella is an instrument of peace rather than a weapon of war, and
+should not be carried as "trailed arms," but like the stick it should be
+grasped a short distance below the handle, and the latter held almost
+upright on a very slight perpendicular.
+
+In the presence of ladies, unless by special permission, a gentleman
+never smokes, and under no circumstances does he indulge in a weed while
+on the street or walking with them. If, while smoking, a man should meet
+a woman and there should be any stopping to talk, he must at once throw
+away his cigar or his cigarette. A pipe is never smoked on fashionable
+promenades, and a man in a top hat and a frock coat with a pipe in his
+mouth is an anomaly. The pipe accompanies tweeds and a "pot" hat in the
+country or on business thoroughfares. A meerschaum or a wooden pipe is
+then allowable, but never a clay or a dudeen. The cuspidor is a banished
+instrument. The filthy custom of tobacco chewing and consequent
+expectoration can not be tolerated in civilized society.
+
+A gentleman is never hurried, nor does he loiter. The fashionable gait
+is comparatively slow, with long steps. The exaggerated stride of the
+Anglomaniac is as bad form as the swagger of the Bowery "tough." The
+correct demeanor is without gesture or apparent effort.
+
+Staring at or ogling women, standing at the entrances of theaters,
+churches, or other public buildings, stopping still and turning back to
+look at some one or something in the street, can be classified as
+offenses of which no gentleman can be guilty.
+
+Free and easy attitudes are not tolerated in good society, and this same
+rule should apply to public conveyances. As the man who crosses his legs
+in the presence of ladies is absolutely impossible, so should be the
+individual who commits the same crime in a public conveyance. He not
+only proves a nuisance to those around him, but he is a source of damage
+as well as danger to the comfort and safety of his fellow-passengers.
+
+In a crowded car, ferryboat, or stage, it is yet a mooted question as to
+whether or not a man should give up his seat to a woman. In theory he
+should, but there are circumstances under which he may be pardoned. To a
+refined or delicate lady, to an old or an enfeebled woman, or one
+burdened with bundles or with a baby in the arms, the answer to this
+should be a decided affirmative. In the South, this gallant action is
+universally practiced, except when the woman is a negress. In public
+conveyances a man should sit to the right of a woman.
+
+An escort should pay all fares in public conveyances, and should look
+after the comfort and welfare of his companion, taking entire charge of
+tickets, luggage, and luggage checks. Should a woman insist upon paying
+her _pro rata_ of the expenses the arrangement can be made before
+starting, many sensible women handing their escorts their purses for the
+purpose. Do not offer to pay the fare of any of your women friends who
+might possibly enter your train or stage. This is embarrassing and not
+necessary. A railway car or carriage being a public conveyance, a man
+always keeps on his hat, as he also does in a cab or any other vehicle
+in which he is driving, accompanied or not accompanied by one of the
+opposite sex.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS.
+
+
+There are three rules of dress which, for the ordinary man in his
+everyday life, might be resolved into two. These originally are morning,
+afternoon, and evening. Morning and evening are absolutely necessary;
+afternoon dress is donned on special occasions only.
+
+_Morning dress_ is that which is worn during business hours or at any
+time in any place, where semiformal dress is not required until
+candlelight or seven o'clock in the evening. It consists usually in
+winter of a lounge or single-breasted sack suit made of many different
+kinds of material, the favorites being Scotch tweeds or black and blue
+cheviots, rough-faced and smooth. Fashions are liable to some variation
+season after season, and the general rule can only be laid down in a
+book of this kind.
+
+With the morning or lounge dress in winter is worn the Derby or
+soft-felt Alpine hat, called the Hombourg. The Derbies are black, brown,
+or drab, and the felts are gray, brown, drab, or black. The colored
+shirt with white standing or turned-down collar is the usual
+accompaniment to the lounge suit. The fashion for colored shirts in
+stripes has been that the patterns run up and down and not across the
+bosom. The tie is a four-in-hand or an Ascot, or a simple bow, the boots
+black leather or dark-brown russet, and the gloves of tan or gray
+undressed kid or of dogskin. For ordinary business wear, suits of black
+or gray mixed cheviot, vicuña or worsted, or fancy Scotch goods, the
+coat of which is a "cutaway," are also popular; but the black diagonal
+"cutaway" has passed entirely out of fashion, and is utilized at present
+in riding costume.
+
+The lounge suit in summer is of blue flannel or very light cheviot or
+tweed. Straw hats are worn in place of Derbies and felts. Fashion
+sometimes dictates fancy waistcoats of linen to be worn with business
+suits; otherwise the entire costume--trousers, coat, and waistcoat--is
+of the same material.
+
+In the country, at the seaside, or in communities where golf, wheeling,
+tennis, yachting or other sports and pastimes are the order of the day,
+the costumes appropriate for these are in vogue for lounge or morning
+suits. This is what the English call "mufti." Such costumes are,
+however, not in good form in the city.
+
+Black leather, tan, or russet shoes are worn with morning dress. White
+duck or flannel trousers, with black or blue cheviot coat and waistcoat,
+make fashionable lounge suits for summer resorts.
+
+_Afternoon dress_ consists of a double-breasted frock coat of soft
+cheviot, vicuña, or diagonal worsted with either waistcoat to
+match--single-breasted or double-breasted--of fancy cloth, Marseilles
+duck or piqué; trousers of different material, usually cashmere, quiet
+in tone, with a striped pattern on a dark gray, drab, or blue
+background; boots of patent leather, buttoned, not tied; a white or
+colored shirt with straight standing white collar; a four-in-hand,
+puffed Ascot, or small club tie; silk hat and undressed gray, tan, or
+brown kid gloves. The colored shirt is an innovation, and it should be
+used sparingly, white linen on any semiformal function being in better
+form. When spats are used they should be of brown, gray, or drab cloth
+or canvas, to match the trousers as nearly as possible. Some ultra
+faddists wear white kid gloves with afternoon dress, but the fashion is
+not universal.
+
+Afternoon dress, is the attire for weddings--for the bridegroom, best
+man, ushers, and male guests; at afternoon teas, afternoon receptions,
+afternoon calls, afternoon walks on the fashionable avenue, garden
+parties (but not picnics), luncheons, and, in fact, at all formal or
+semiformal functions taking place between midday and candlelight, as
+well as at church on Sundays, at funerals, and in the park in London
+after midday.
+
+Gray frock-coat suits are recent introductions from London, and have
+been worn at all the functions at which the black is required, but the
+latter is more conservative and in better taste. The afternoon dress is
+seldom worn in midsummer, morning suits being allowable at seaside and
+mountain-resort day functions.
+
+_Evening dress_ is the proper attire, winter or summer, on all occasions
+after candlelight. There are two kinds of evening dress, formal and
+informal.
+
+Formal or "full" evening dress, as it is sometimes vulgarly called,
+consists of the evening or "swallowtail" coat of black dress worsted or
+soft-faced vicuña, with or without silk or satin facing, with waistcoat
+and trousers of the same material, the latter plain or with a braid down
+the sides. The "dress" waistcoat can also be of white duck or piqué, in
+which case it is double-breasted. The shape of the dress waistcoat shows
+the shirt bosom in the form of a "U."
+
+The evening shirt is of plain white linen, with two shirt buttons and
+link cuffs, straight standing collar, white lawn or linen tie. The
+gloves are white with white stitching, the hose of black silk, and the
+handkerchief, which must be present but not seen, of plain white linen.
+The shoes are patent-leather pumps or "low quarters," tied, not
+buttoned.
+
+The overcoat is an Inverness of black cheviot, lined with satin and
+without sleeves, and the hat a crush opera. These two latter adjuncts
+are not indispensable, but most convenient. An ordinary black overcoat
+and top hat can be worn with evening dress. No visible jewelry--not even
+a watch chain--is allowed. The shirt buttons are either of white enamel,
+dull-finished gold, or pearls, and the sleeve links white-enameled or
+lozenge-shaped disks of gold, with a monogram thereon engraved.
+
+Evening dress is _de rigueur_ at balls, dances, evening receptions,
+evening weddings, dinners, suppers, the opera, and the theater, when
+calling after candlelight, and in fact at any formal evening function
+and generally when ladies are present.
+
+Informal evening dress differs from formal in the wearing of the Tuxedo
+or dinner coat in place of the "swallowtail," and the substitution of a
+black silk for a white lawn tie.
+
+The dinner coat is of black worsted or vicuña, satin-faced. It is the
+badge of informality. Formerly it was only worn at the club, at small
+stag dinners, and on occasions when ladies were not present. Now it is
+in vogue during the summer at hotel hops and at small informal parties
+to the play, at bowling parties, restaurant dinners, and, in fact, on
+any occasion which is not formal. From June to October men wear it in
+town every evening without overcoat.
+
+As the dinner jacket is short, a top or silk hat can not be worn with
+it. The proper headgear in winter is a black felt soft hat, in summer a
+straw.
+
+The dinner jacket is becoming a necessity. It is worn also by all youths
+and boys from twelve years to seventeen, at which latter period they can
+assume the _toga virilis_ or swallowtail.
+
+I here append a few cautionary hints which must be taken if you wish to
+dress well.
+
+All scarves and ties should be tied by one's self. Made-up neckwear of
+any kind is not worn by well-groomed men.
+
+White evening waistcoats and Tuxedo coats do not agree; black is only
+allowable.
+
+Jewelry is vulgar. The ring for a man is a seal of either green or red
+stone, or of plain burnished gold with the seal or monogram engraved
+upon it. It must be worn on the little finger.
+
+Watch chains and watch fobs are not in vogue. Watches and latchkeys are
+attached to a key chain and hidden in the trousers pocket. Diamonds are
+only in good form when set in a scarf pin, and even then they are in
+questionable taste. Diamond buttons and diamond rings are absolutely
+vulgar.
+
+The fashionable overcoat in winter is a Chesterfield or single-breasted
+frock of kersey or like material in brown, blue, or black, with velvet
+collar. For autumn and spring the tan covert coat is in vogue.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+THE BACHELOR'S TOILET.
+
+
+The first care of a bachelor is his bath or tub. To-day,
+houses--especially clubs and bachelor apartments--are fitted up so
+luxuriously that each tenant has his own individual tiled bathroom,
+which he uses also as a dressing room. But where these are not, the tin
+or the India-rubber bath tub serves as well the purpose of our first
+ablution. A cold bath to many is a good refresher and awakener, but
+there are others again whose constitutions can not stand the shock,
+especially in winter, of icy-cold water. For cleansing purposes, tepid
+water is best, or a mixture of hot and cold, so as to take the chill
+off.
+
+A gentleman takes at least one tub a day, and that, as may be inferred
+from the previous remarks, when he arises. If the tub is in the bedroom,
+have a rubber cloth placed under, and fill it only half full. The sponge
+is used for the bath, the wash rag for the washstand. The body should
+have a thorough soaping. The soap should be either Castile or a pure
+unscented glycerin. Sweet-scented soaps, perfumery, and sweet waters of
+all kinds should be eschewed. The Turkish towel is the best for drying,
+and it should be vigorously but not roughly applied. A flesh brush may
+be also used with comfort. As soon as the body is perfectly dry the bath
+robe or large Turkish towel, which some prefer to wrap themselves in,
+like Indians, should be resumed and shaving begun.
+
+Every man should learn to shave himself. Razors are very delicate
+instruments and should be kept in thorough order. Safety razors with
+little blades for each day in the week are excellent, but if you use the
+ordinary razor add to your collection from time to time, until you have
+at least half a dozen. Once a month send these to a barber to be
+stropped, and strop them yourself both before and after using. Wipe them
+dry with a piece of chamois cloth and put them back in their cases. The
+best strop is of Russia leather or of canvas.
+
+Warm water is not absolutely necessary for shaving, as some beards are
+soft and resist heat.
+
+If possible, arrange a shaving stand with a triplicate mirror and places
+for your razors, shaving mug, brush, and soap. You can purchase one of
+these, with the entire outfit, for a few dollars at any of the large
+city shops. A ring or little silver or metal hook for shaving paper can
+be placed on one side of the stand. A cleanly man shaves every morning.
+After shaving, wash the face with a little warm water and wipe it
+thoroughly dry. Add to the water a few drops of ammonia or of Pond's
+extract, if the skin is liable to chap.
+
+In the fashion of beards, the clean or smooth-shaven face, the pointed
+beard, and the simple mustache are those generally in vogue. Should you
+wear a beard, you should have for it a special comb and brush.
+
+A small tin basin, a package of sea salt, and a special wash rag are the
+requisites for a morning eye bath. Sea salt and warm water are
+recommended by oculists as the best tonic for the eyes.
+
+The teeth next claim your attention. There is nothing more disgusting
+than foul breath, which comes frequently from neglected teeth. Use a
+soft toothbrush. Avoid patent tooth washes and lotions. An excellent
+tooth powder is made of two thirds French chalk, one third orris root,
+and a pinch of myrrh. Any chemist will put this up for fifteen cents.
+Tepid and not cold water should be used. In rinsing the mouth a drop or
+two of listerine added to the water is excellent. Teeth should be
+brushed at least twice a day--morning and evening. Never use soap on
+your toothbrush. Get a spool of dental silk--it will cost you eight
+cents--and draw the thread between your teeth before you retire, so as
+to remove any substance which might have got into a crevice. And, above
+all, have your teeth examined carefully by a good dentist at least twice
+a year.
+
+See that your toothbrush is sweet and clean, and place it handle down in
+the tooth mug.
+
+The hands should be well washed and dried, tepid water, scentless soap,
+and a smooth towel being used. The nails should have a vigorous rubbing
+with a good nailbrush in the morning before your meals and before you go
+to bed at night. The nail file and nail scissors must be used as often
+as possible. Remember, dirty finger nails betray the vulgar and the
+unkempt. A man with dirty hands is impossible.
+
+The nails should not be pointed, but well rounded and kept free of bits
+of callous skin around the base, called "hangnails." Finger nails should
+be kept short, just a bit beyond the fleshy tip of the finger.
+
+The nails of the toes should be kept as carefully as those of the hands.
+In summer a little talcum powder on the feet will prevent the odor of
+perspiration.
+
+The fashions for parting the hair change with the times. At present it
+is the direct part in the middle which is most fashionable. Very young
+men wear their hair unusually long, but this fad is uncleanly. The hair
+should be cut at least once a month, and a glimpse of the skin of the
+neck should always intervene between the roots and the collar.
+
+Pomatums and greases and scents of all kinds are sticky and injurious.
+If you suffer with dryness of the scalp rub a little vaseline into it
+occasionally. Washings with tar soap or with a little alcohol and
+rosemary are beneficial. The scalp should be well brushed with
+moderately firm but not hard bristles. The best brushes are those
+without handles, known as army and navy. Water is bad for the hair.
+Constant combing with a fine-tooth comb is apt to irritate the scalp and
+provoke dandruff, which can be allayed by brushing, shampooing, and the
+use of borax and warm water.
+
+Turkish or Russian baths are beneficial now and then, and the vigorous
+massage after a thorough steaming is admirable for the skin. A man
+should be scrupulously neat about his toilet articles and appliances. In
+your bathroom you should have a rack for your coarse and fine towels.
+Always place the towel you have used at the side of a stationary or on
+the back of a movable tub to dry. See that the soap is removed from your
+sponges, and once a fortnight clean them in one quarter of an ounce of
+borax dissolved in tepid water. Let them soak for an hour, and squeeze
+them out in clean water.
+
+Hairbrushes are washed in a little soda put into a quart of hot water.
+The brush must be dipped downward so as not to wet the back. When they
+are cleansed they can be rinsed in cold water and stood on their side,
+after the water is shaken out, until quite dry.
+
+Nailbrushes must be turned on their sides, after using, so that the
+water will not soak in and crack their backs.
+
+A man's toilet articles, whether in silver or wood, should be of one
+distinctive style and material. Tooth and nail brushes should never
+have silver handles, but hair and clothes brushes with silver backs are
+very smart. They should be kept polished with a chamois cloth, and
+occasionally a little silver polish or whiting. Your bureau or dressing
+table is the place for the hair and clothes brushes, the combs, the
+toilet mirror, nail files, nail scissors, and such smaller articles.
+Your nail and tooth brushes and soaps go on the wash-hand stand. Your
+sponges are best put in a little wire basket at the side of the
+wash-hand stand, or the immovable washstand if your room or bathroom has
+the latter convenience.
+
+Your bedroom should be ventilated and all the windows opened after you
+leave it, and you should have at least one window up during your
+sleeping hours. If you have a movable tub see that it is aired each
+morning after using.
+
+Always make a change of clothes and of shoes when you come in from a
+busy day and from the street. Nothing ruins clothes so much as lounging
+about your room in them. And last but not least, as it contains the
+essential of all these rules and hints, be always immaculately clean.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES.
+
+
+There are comparatively few men who can afford the luxury of a good
+valet, and that personage himself, when found thoroughly competent, is
+indeed a treasure. But it is an absurd mistake for any one to think that
+a valet is a necessity. If you take a quarter of an hour for the care of
+your clothes every day, you can be just as well turned out as if you
+hired an expensive servant. Even if you have indulged in the luxury of a
+valet, you yourself should know all about looking after your wardrobe.
+
+Whenever you change your clothes you should first empty all your
+pockets. Then, as soon as each garment is removed, it should be
+vigorously shaken and brushed before it is folded and put away. Never
+hang coats, trousers, or waistcoats; always fold them. Wire coat hangers
+and trousers stretchers ruin clothes. Whisk brooms are useful only when
+an extra-vigorous treatment is desired. Take a clothes brush and give
+your coat, as soon as you take it off, a thorough brushing, and hold it
+to the light, so that no particle of dust may escape your eye. The coat
+is then folded exactly in half lengthwise, sleeve to sleeve, the lining
+on the outside. With evening coats it is sometimes necessary to fold the
+sleeves in half, owing to the shortness of the waist. In packing a trunk
+the same method is used, only the sleeves are stuffed with tissue paper
+to avoid possible wrinkles.
+
+Large and bulky garments, such as overcoats and frock coats, should be
+folded in triplicate. Lay the coat flat on a table and first fold on
+both sides, the right and the left, so much of the lapel and collar
+lengthwise as will cover the sleeve. This will make two folds from the
+top of the collar to the bottom of the skirt. Then fold the coat again
+in half lengthwise, using the back as a hinge. You will find the same
+principle illustrated by a cook with a pancake. The waistcoat is folded
+in half, with the lining on the outside. Always take off your shoes and
+unbutton the braces before you remove your trousers, and fold them over
+the back of a chair, which is to serve you as a clothes rack. Take the
+trousers by the waist and place together the first two suspender
+buttons, one on the left and the other on the right. This will make the
+fold preserve the natural crease and dispose of the extra material,
+button and buttonhole tab at the waist. Trousers carefully folded will
+only need pressing about twice a year. Hose should be well shaken, and
+unless perfectly clean, thrown in the soiled-linen basket. Evening silk
+hose can be worn several times. The undervest, or undershirt, and the
+drawers should be also subjected to a vigorous shaking, and hung on the
+back of the same chair where you have already placed your hose. All
+these intimate garments are to be aired, and the chair on which you have
+hung them taken to the window.
+
+Use a closet and a chest of drawers for your clothes. If you are in very
+limited quarters, six drawers and a trunk should be sufficient for all
+your belongings. The evening clothes occupy one drawer or shelf, and the
+morning and afternoon suits the other or two others. The remainder will
+be for linen, underclothing, ties, and handkerchiefs.
+
+Between each suit of clothes there should be laid a newspaper; those
+publications which use the blackest of printer's ink--the surest
+antidote for moths--being the best for this purpose. Cover the top of
+each pile of clothes, when the drawer or shelf is full, with a clean
+towel.
+
+In a chest with four drawers the bottom one should be used for
+underclothes, the top for handkerchiefs, hose, and ties, and the two
+intermediate for your linen. The closet will have to serve for your
+suits of clothes, or, in lieu of that, your trunk. Otherwise the
+last-mentioned receptacle is the place for clothes out of season,
+carefully laid away with a full complement of newspaper and camphor.
+
+When you remove your shirt at night, or when you change for dinner, be
+careful to take out the buttons and sleeve links, unless you intend to
+wear the garment again. In that case, hang it up in your closet.
+
+The first gift which a bachelor usually receives from his sister or his
+sweetheart is a handkerchief case, and I hardly need advise you to
+purchase what is a standard Christmas offering. Keep your handkerchiefs
+in this, your neatly folded ties in the second division of the drawer,
+and your hose in the third. If you should have a silver and plush
+pincushion with a movable top, your small articles of jewelry go in its
+interior, or in a small box in the top drawer.
+
+Silk hats, Derbies, and Alpines or soft-felt hats should never be
+brushed with a whisk broom. A hatter will sell you for a small sum a
+soft brush with a pliable plush back, which will do for smoothing your
+silk hat, the bristles to be applied in removing the dust. A silk
+handkerchief will also smooth a silk hat. Frequent ironing destroys the
+nap. Straw hats can be cleaned by first rubbing them over with the half
+of a lemon, then taking an old nail brush and some brown soap and water
+and giving it a vigorous brushing. Then you should take heavy books and
+lay them on the brim of the hat. An old pincushion or several towels
+rolled into a firm ball, or a book which will fit exactly, should be
+placed inside the crown. Allow the hat to dry, and do not remove the
+weights until this is accomplished. You will find your straw as good as
+new and the shape preserved. The writer has tried this with great
+success.
+
+Boots and shoes when not in use should be put on wooden trees to keep
+them in shape. As trees are rather expensive, one can use paper and
+stuff it inside the boot or shoe. This will not prove a bad substitute.
+With patent leathers, paper or cotton stuffed in the toes prevents the
+leather from wrinkling, and in this instance the very cheap material is
+better than the more expensive appliance. Patent leathers must be
+creamed and rubbed with a chamois cloth or linen or flannel rag after
+all mud and dust have first been removed. This operation should be
+repeated daily. Some men maintain that patent leathers should be
+varnished as soon as they come home from the bootmaker, but I disagree
+with them. A varnished patent leather has always a cheap look, and the
+coat of veneer is only applied as a last resort, to hide the cracks.
+Russet boots and shoes are treated daily with the special cream sold for
+them, which can be obtained at any bootmaker's or shoe shop. The price
+is small, and the stuff will last a long time. Russet boots, however,
+can be very well treated with a little vaseline, but that product will
+not give them the deep-brown color which is so fashionable. The soles of
+boots and shoes should be painted black. When a man is obliged to kneel
+in any ceremony, the sight of white or yellow gleaming soles is absurd.
+
+In wet weather it is absolutely necessary to turn up the bottoms of your
+trousers, to keep them from fraying.
+
+I would suggest a general overhauling of clothes about once a month. At
+the end of each season the heavy or light garments should receive a
+final brushing and be stored away in a trunk, chest, or spare room with,
+as I have already advised, newspapers between them, and some camphor or
+moth destroyer as an extra precaution. Overcoats, which are in such
+general use, may be hung during their season of service, but should be
+frequently brushed and well shaken.
+
+The economy of space thus observed in the arrangement of clothes in a
+room will make it an easy matter when about to travel to pack one's
+wardrobe in a trunk.
+
+A shoe bag is a great convenience. A simple canvas arrangement can be
+purchased very cheaply, or one of your fair friends can make you one.
+Your shoes should be placed in this and put at the bottom of the trunk
+in a corner. Otherwise you should wrap your shoes and boots in paper. If
+you travel with two trunks, one should be reserved for your outer
+garments and the other for your shirts and underclothes. With one trunk,
+a shirt box is as much an article to be desired as a shoe bag, but in
+lieu of this the shirts should be placed in the first or top tray, the
+underclothes and hose in the second, and the outer garments in the
+bottom. A small space in the top can be reserved for your ties and
+handkerchiefs. Toilet articles are carried in a hand bag; waterproofs,
+overcoats, and umbrellas and walking sticks in a shawl strap. Your silk
+hat has but one place, and that is in a hatbox. You can put a Derby in a
+corner of a trunk but a silk hat would be ruined.
+
+When a long journey is taken, it is economy in the end to purchase an
+extra steamer trunk for your underclothes and linen. Trunks are not
+expensive, and you will find that by not crowding your clothes you will
+save in the long run.
+
+Always keep in your room a small bottle of a good grease-remover as well
+as one of ammonia, some soft rags, and a chamois for general cleaning
+purposes. An expenditure of a little over a quarter of a dollar will
+provide you with these necessaries.
+
+Never lounge around your room in your street or evening dress. If you
+are to stay awhile, or if you come in for the night, take off your
+clothes and put on a bath robe or your pyjamas if you do not possess a
+dressing gown, which is not a necessity.
+
+At your office you should always have an old coat to wear, and if it be
+summer have one of linen. To sit around in one's shirt sleeves, even at
+one's place of business, is not characteristic of the gentleman.
+
+
+THE COST OF CLOTHES.
+
+Every young man starting in life and wishing naturally to take a part in
+social functions and to become a member of that body indefinitely known
+as society, is confronted with the problem of clothes. A few years ago
+the ordinary changes of morning, afternoon, and evening were all that
+were requisite, but to-day, with special costumes for various sports and
+pastimes, the outlook at first glance to one of limited income is not
+encouraging. And yet a man with a modest salary can dress very well on
+two to three hundred dollars a year, and even less. It is only the first
+step which costs. One must have a foundation or a slight capital with
+which to start. After that with a little care expenses can be easily
+regulated.
+
+The evening suit is the most expensive essential of a man's wardrobe.
+This he is obliged to have. I would advise, in selecting a suit of this
+kind, to have it of good material from a good tailor, after a model not
+too pronounced, so that in case of any small alteration in the fashions
+it can survive a season or two. With proper care your evening suit
+should last at least five years. During the first two or three it should
+be your costume for formal occasions. During the third season you might
+possibly have another pair of trousers made or renew the waistcoat or
+even the coat. When you find yourself, thus by the principles of the
+doctrine of the survival of the fittest, the possessor of two evening
+suits, use the old one for theaters and small dinners, and the best for
+the formal functions. White waistcoats are very smart for evening wear,
+and an investment in one or two of these during the course of a season
+will save the waistcoat of the evening suit. The prices of evening suits
+vary. The most fashionable Fifth Avenue tailors charge as much as one
+hundred and twenty-five dollars for them. Some men argue that this sum
+insures an excellent investment. However, you can have an excellent one
+made by a good tailor for an outlay of about forty dollars. The large
+retail clothing shops have a custom department, and that is their figure
+for an evening suit made to order. You can even have one for twenty-five
+dollars, but I would not spend a less amount. Superintend the making of
+it yourself. Some men have adjustable figures, and they can purchase
+their clothes from the block--that is, ready-made. The only fault to
+find with these garments is their machinelike cut. The pockets, if any,
+the lines, the binding, and the entire get-up look as if these affairs
+had been turned out by the dozen.
+
+White waistcoats for evening wear are, however, somewhat in the nature
+of luxuries. They are difficult to have laundered, and some very smart
+men object to having them sent to the wash, and would not wear one after
+it has gone through that process. The Fifth Avenue tailor will charge as
+much as twenty dollars for a white duck waistcoat made to order. It may
+fit you perfectly, but yet again it may not look a whit better than the
+ready-made which you can purchase at a haberdasher's for from three to
+five dollars.
+
+A Tuxedo or dinner coat, as explained in another chapter, is almost a
+necessity. It is really a saving. If you can not afford to have an
+entire suit of this kind made you may simply have the jacket, which will
+cost from twenty-five to forty dollars, and wear it with the trousers
+and waistcoat, and keep it to be part of your informal evening dress.
+
+I have known men to have their black sack coats or old black diagonal
+cutaways or old evening coat changed into a Tuxedo by the cutting off of
+tails, the substitution of a silk collar, or some other alteration. A
+sack coat is easily arranged, and any little tailor around the corner
+will make the metamorphosis for three dollars. Suppose you have had one
+of your old coats transformed into a Tuxedo. You can purchase, if you do
+not wish to have made, a pair of black trousers of the same material for
+a very few dollars, and an old black waistcoat, which went with the
+original coat, can also be altered. Remember that a Tuxedo dinner coat
+has not to be of a certain material. It must be black and have a silk
+collar. It is really _negligé_.
+
+You should start with a capital of at least six evening shirts. If you
+are a wealthy man these will cost possibly, made to order, as high as
+fifty-six dollars, but you can also have excellent ones for nine
+dollars. It is considered smart to have the collars attached, but not
+necessary. The cuffs, however, should be always a part of the shirt.
+
+White ties are twenty-five to thirty-five cents a piece. Always state
+the number of collar you wear when purchasing evening ties, and you
+will never have cause to complain of the length.
+
+Black patent-leather pumps, made to order, are from eight to nine
+dollars. You can get them much cheaper ready made, but the only trouble
+with them is that they are not usually good fits, and that in future
+years you will have cause to regret this economy. Of black silk
+stockings, of which you will need two or three pair, you can have a
+choice from a dollar and a half to six dollars a pair.
+
+I would advise the purchase of two business or lounge suits a year for
+the first three years. In making this estimate I can hardly suppose that
+you are in the state of Adam, and I would advise you to wear your old
+suit in winter especially, and on rainy and stormy days. Your overcoat
+will conceal it in the street, and at the office the older the clothes
+the better. The pivotal points of a man are his hat, boots, and tie.
+Have these perfectly correct, and the rest will take care of itself.
+
+For winter buy a thick, useful cloth, such as Scotch homespun or rough
+cheviot or tweed. Brown and gray mixtures are always fashionable and
+wear well.
+
+In summer a light-gray check or a blue cheviot or flannel are always
+smart.
+
+Thus making an old suit of the year before alternate with the new one,
+you will find that eighty dollars will be sufficient to help you be a
+well-groomed man.
+
+A half dozen colored shirts for morning wear are necessary, with
+attached cuffs but detached collars. Every now and then I would invest a
+few dollars in shirts, and before you know it you will have a large
+supply. As dress shirts grow old send them to be repaired at any of the
+many places which you will find advertised, and use them for morning
+shirts.
+
+Six changes of underwear--merino or wool--and a dozen balbriggan or
+woolen hose will be sufficient. Summer underwear is very cheap, and you
+can get a light merino suit for one dollar. A four-dollar investment
+will last several seasons. Good winter underwear is expensive, costing
+four or five dollars a suit.
+
+Pyjamas of Madras or pongee silk, very effective and pretty, can be had
+for a dollar and a half to three dollars a suit. Four suits of
+these--two for summer and two for winter--will last at least two years.
+
+A man must have, besides his dancing pumps, a pair of patent-leather
+walking boots and a pair of stout common boots for everyday wear. If you
+can afford it, have two pair of boots made at the same time, or even
+more. An investment of fifty dollars in boots, at say eight dollars a
+pair, would be excellent. You can change daily, and they will last you
+over a period of two or three or more years.
+
+The afternoon suit is more or less a luxury. Unless you frequent
+afternoon teas or make many afternoon calls, or act as an usher at
+weddings in any city but New York, the frock coat is not, for the first
+three or four years of your career, an absolute necessity. In New York,
+however, where calls are only made in the afternoon, it must form a part
+of your wardrobe.
+
+A frock coat can be made for forty or fifty dollars; seventy-five to one
+hundred dollars is charged by the most expensive tailors. When you order
+it, see that it is not in the extreme of fashion. The conservative
+garment will last a number of years. The material, as I have already
+suggested in another chapter, must be of rough worsted, vicuña, or
+material of that kind, and never of broadcloth.
+
+With it you must have a pair of "fancy" or cashmere trousers. These will
+cost from eight to fifteen dollars, and they will last you several
+years. In fact, the purchasing of the afternoon suit in one way is
+excellent: it does not have to be renewed as often as other parts of
+your wardrobe. It stays practically in fashion, with little deviation,
+for almost a decade.
+
+The silk hat, which is necessary for the afternoon suit, is one of the
+most expensive items of a man's wardrobe. A top hat must be of the
+prevailing mode. Autumn is the best time for purchasing, as you can
+dispense with it after May, except on very special occasions. Two
+Derbies--one for autumn and the other for spring--at from two to four
+dollars, or only one, for that matter, to last through the entire eight
+months, and a straw hat, from two to four dollars, will be the entire
+amount expended for headgear by the very best-dressed men. For a Derby
+you can substitute an Alpine or Hombourg. The opera crush hat is a
+luxury, and you can wear with your evening suit your top hat of the year
+before, which you can christen your "night hawk."
+
+Shirt buttons and sleeve links are also an expensive item. However, the
+purchase of these occurs but once in a lifetime, and fifteen dollars
+would do beautifully for enamel or plain gold.
+
+Ties vary in price, and it is difficult to limit a man on this
+expenditure. Many invest in them as a fad, picking them up here and
+there, and thus accumulating a large assortment. A little judgment in
+purchasing will allow you to acquire quite a large wardrobe. If you give
+your personal supervision to the making of your clothes you can employ a
+cheap tailor who will turn out very good work. For fashion plates, I do
+not know of any better than Du Maurier's pictures of smart London men in
+the London Punch. Watch the sales in the autumn and the late spring for
+bargains in haberdashery. Study well the advice given in the chapter on
+the Care of Clothes in this book, and you will find therein that which
+will certainly teach you economy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS.
+
+
+Formal introductions are not in vogue in this country. The nearest
+approach to it is when one is desirous of introducing a stranger or one
+of his particular friends to another. When you desire to present a man
+to a woman you must ask her if you may bring Mr. ---- to her house. In
+New York the customary time for such visits is in the afternoon, between
+four and six. In introducing men to one another it is unnecessary to
+make a formal appointment. In presenting a man to a woman her permission
+must first be asked. The formula is, "Mrs. C----, may I present Mr.
+D----?" Informal introductions may be made between people visiting in
+the same house by simply saying, "Mrs. D----, may I present Mr. B----?"
+or "Mr. F----, do you know Mr. C----?" These informal introductions
+need not be recognized afterward unless mutually agreeable.
+
+Introductions are never made in the street or in public places of any
+kind, or in public conveyances, unless under exceptional circumstances.
+It is extremely bad form to introduce a guest on his entrance into a
+room to more than one other. Wholesale introductions are not the custom
+in New York. General introductions are not made at a dinner or at any
+function. People are sufficiently well bred to engage in general
+conversation when in the houses of their friends, even if they do not
+know each other, and not to take advantage of the circumstances
+afterward.
+
+At any function at which the guests are told off, the host or hostess
+only presents the man to the woman whom he is to take down. A man never
+shakes hands upon being presented to a woman, but always on being
+introduced to a man. A man should never shake hands with a woman while
+wearing his gloves unless she also is gloved. Your hostess will give her
+hand to you when you make your obeisance. After being presented, an
+invitation is apt to follow. It may be, "Drop in to tea any afternoon,"
+or simply, "I would be glad to have you call." This invitation should
+always come from a married woman. Unmarried women do not ask young men
+to call. A man may ask the privilege of calling, or the mother of the
+young woman may say, "We should be pleased to have you call, Mr. Smith."
+
+In New York and in many of the larger cities, as has already been
+stated, the proper time for a man to call on a woman is between the
+hours of four and six in the afternoon. Sometimes women have "days" in
+the season, and you should pay your call on one of them. Otherwise any
+afternoon may do, and you can use Sunday for this purpose after three
+o'clock.
+
+Afternoon dress is, of course, requisite. In those places where evening
+calls are made a man must wear formal evening dress.
+
+On the opening of the door by the servant, a man asks of him whether the
+hostess or "the ladies" are at home. This will depend on the number of
+the members of the family receiving. He gives to the domestic the proper
+number of cards. The servant precedes him, opens the drawing-room door
+for him, and in some ultra English houses he is announced. His card or
+cards have been deposited on the silver tray which the servant has
+presented to him in the hall and left there. A visiting card is never
+brought into the drawing room. A man on a first or a formal call carries
+his stick and hat into the drawing room with him. To "hang his hat" in
+the hall shows great intimacy--even relationship--in the house. He,
+however, should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella.
+His hostess will advance to meet him, and will extend to him her right
+hand with a somewhat stiff angular motion, and he should shake it with a
+quick nervous movement of his right. He should neither grasp nor squeeze
+her hand, nor should he attempt that absurd so-called British shake in
+the air, which is never practiced except by player folk. A man removes
+his glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room, and holds
+this with his stick and hat in his left. The hat should be at an angle,
+the top about level with his nose. At weddings, the opera, and dances,
+where a woman is gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, does
+not remove his gloves. On ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved in
+her own drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is not usually
+expected. Should the hostess be gloved, as at a large affair, such as a
+formal or wedding reception, a man shakes hands with her with them on.
+
+Tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers, little
+cakes, and sometimes sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup of tea,
+a doylie will be given you, which place upon your knee. When another
+caller enters the room stand up, whether it is a woman or a man. Ten
+minutes is all that is necessary for a formal call. It is less awkward
+to leave when a new caller is announced. Shake hands with your hostess
+and bow to the people present. Leave the room sideways, so as not to
+turn your back upon the company, and bow to them as you reach the door,
+thus bowing yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer or a sitter. No
+men are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores. The first
+arrivals leave first. Freezing out is not known in good society.
+
+Calls should be made after every civility extended and every invitation
+accepted or regretted; after weddings, wedding receptions, deaths in
+families, etc., as fully explained in the chapter on card-leaving.
+
+A letter of introduction is always sent, never left in person. Calls at
+the theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are not
+accepted as formal. A man enters an opera box, stands, and bows. His
+hostess will turn around and greet him. He will then, if there is a
+vacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a little while, leaving on the
+arrival of another caller. These rules for afternoon calls can be
+applied also to those made in the evening.
+
+If no day is set for a first call, a man is expected to drop in any
+afternoon within ten days after the invitation. The sooner a call is
+made the greater the compliment. A second call may be made within two or
+three months; after that once or twice a year, as intimacy permits. A
+man is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which he
+has not first called. The usual form of a dinner invitation, the hostess
+being married, reads:
+
+     _My dear Mr. Smith:_
+
+        _Will you dine with us, most informally, on Wednesday,
+     December the ninth, at eight o'clock? Hoping that you have no
+     engagement for that evening, believe me,_
+
+                                  _Yours very sincerely,_
+                                        _Alice de Tompkins._
+        _November thirtieth._
+
+An answer to an invitation like this, which should be sent within
+twenty-four hours, reads:
+
+     _My dear Mrs. de Tompkins:_
+
+        _It will give me great pleasure to dine with you on Wednesday
+     evening, December the ninth, at eight o'clock. With many thanks for
+     your kind thought of me,_
+
+                                  _Yours very sincerely,_
+                                       _Algernon Smith._
+        _December first._
+
+Or, in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or twelve
+guests:
+
+      _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins_
+       _request the pleasure of_
+            _Mr. Smith's_
+        _company at dinner on_
+     _Wednesday evening, December_
+    _the ninth, at eight o'clock._
+
+The answer reads:
+
+          _Mr. Algernon Smith, Jr.,_
+           _accepts with pleasure_
+         _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins's_
+             _kind invitation for_
+    _Wednesday evening, December the ninth,_
+              _at eight o'clock._
+        _December first._
+
+Answers to formal luncheon invitations are written in the same manner,
+only changing the hours, etc.
+
+Informal invitations to breakfasts and luncheons will be treated in the
+chapter on that subject.
+
+The form of an invitation to a private dance is:
+
+     _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins request the pleasure of Mr. Algernon
+     Smith's company on Friday evening, January the ninth, at nine
+     o'clock._
+
+     _R. S. V. P._                                       _Dancing._
+
+The answer to this would be similarly worded as in case of the formal
+dinner. As dance invitations are usually sent out three weeks in
+advance, three days' grace is allowed for the answer.
+
+When an invitation is received to a subscription ball, like the
+assemblies in various cities, you should acknowledge it, by your
+acceptance or regret, to the subscriber sending it; but when an
+invitation is received from a ball committee, you should accept as
+follows:
+
+     _Mr. James de Courcy Peterson accepts with pleasure the committee's
+     kind invitation for Thursday evening, February the fifteenth._
+
+     _January second._
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+CARDS.
+
+
+There is only one visiting card in vogue for a man. It must be of plain
+white bristol board, unglazed, about three or four inches in length and
+about two inches in width. The name should be engraved, not printed, in
+the middle of the card, in small copperplate type, without ornamentation
+of any kind. The prefix "Mr." is always used unless the person is a
+physician, in which case he can place "Dr." before his name, or a
+clergyman, when he may use the "Rev. Mr." or the "Rev. Dr.," according
+to his rank. Army and navy men, ranking as captain or above, should put
+their rank on their cards. "Mr." is the prefix for subalterns. The
+address is placed underneath the name in smaller type and in the
+right-hand corner. If an address, however, is that of a man's club, it
+should be engraved on the left hand. A man's card should also contain
+his Christian as well as his surname. If he possesses two Christian
+names, or any distinctive family name, that should also be given, so
+that his appellation is shown in full. For instance, "Mr. John William
+Jones," "Mr. James Brown Smith," "Mr. Hamilton Hamilton-Stuyvesant."
+Visiting cards should be kept in a small case of sealskin or black or
+Russia leather and carried in the inside pocket of a frock coat, or if
+small enough more conveniently in the waistcoat pocket. Card cases
+should be stamped with initials or have a silver monogram. Visiting
+cards should never be carried loose in the pocket. A card is left in
+person the day after a dinner, luncheon, or breakfast, or within a week
+at latest after a ball. Civility must be returned by civility, and cards
+must be left on every occasion on which a call is necessary. Cards
+should not be sent by mail, unless when about to leave the country, or
+under circumstances where it is impossible to make a personal call. On
+leaving the country you should write the initials P. P. C. (_pour
+prendre congé_) in the right-hand corner. In New York many men send
+cards by mail, offering the excuse that the city is too large to get
+about to make personal calls. This is only a flimsy pretext, and should
+have no weight.
+
+The question of how many cards to leave is one which seems to bewilder
+most people. The general rule is a card to each person. This will have
+to be explained. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith you must leave a
+card for each--two cards. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the
+Misses Smith, three cards, the young ladies counting as a unit. For Mr.
+and Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith, and their married daughter Mrs. Jones
+staying with them, four cards--Mrs. Jones being entitled to the fourth.
+If Mr. Jones is also stopping at the Smiths leave an extra card for him.
+For Mrs. Smith (widow) and the Misses Smith, two cards. For Mr. Smith
+(widower) and the Misses Smith, two cards.
+
+In mailing cards, address them on the envelope "Mrs. Smith, the Misses
+Smith," or "Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith"; "The Misses Brown-Smith,"
+the one under the other. Never write on your cards "For Mr. and Mrs.
+John Brown-Smith." It is bad form. Never leave cards for people who have
+not asked you to call. When friends from another city, who have
+entertained you or who have been polite to you, should arrive in your
+own city, you should immediately call and leave cards for them. In that
+case, should you even not be acquainted with their host and hostess, it
+would be civil to leave cards also for them.
+
+After a wedding, if invited to the reception, you must personally leave
+cards at the house where the reception has been given for your host and
+hostess, and also for the young couple when they return from their
+bridal trip. Two cards at each place will be sufficient in this case.
+When invited to the church only, leave or send cards to the bride's
+parents and the young couple. As the card to the church only, is rather
+an equivocal compliment, mailing cards in this case could be excused.
+Leave personally cards for the patroness who has asked you to a
+subscription ball, within a week after the invitation. In cases of
+death, leave cards within a fortnight. In answer to letters of
+condolence, it is best to send your cards with the words "Thank you for
+your kind sympathy" written thereon. For mourning, use the same size or
+style of card, but with a narrow or deep border as befits the nearness
+of degree of relationship with the deceased. The deepest border
+permissible is about a quarter of an inch.
+
+It is bad form to bend cards or to turn down the corners thereof. These
+signs mean nothing now in good society. In calling--it may be repeated
+here--you ask, if there are more than one of the fair sex in the house,
+for "the ladies," and hand the servant the number of cards necessary. He
+takes them on a silver salver and leaves them in the hall, goes before
+you, and announces you. Your card is never taken to the lady of the
+house, unless it is a business call.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+THE DINER-OUT.
+
+
+When I speak of the "diner-out," I include under this title the bachelor
+guest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. The
+formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first meal in a
+household is purely a family affair. However, luncheons on Sunday at one
+or two o'clock are in New York frequently called breakfasts, because I
+believe many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroad
+that even once a week they dine in the middle of the day. The luncheon
+after a day wedding ceremony is also called a breakfast, but this, like
+the Sunday meal, is simply a title by courtesy.
+
+_Luncheons_, where men are guests, are popular entertainments at all the
+large summer resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar Harbor, as well
+as at the more celebrated of the Western and Pacific watering places
+and the winter cities of the South. In New York and other great
+centers, where there exists a number of gentlemen of leisure, these
+entertainments are greatly in vogue, and in Washington they sometimes
+assume the color of diplomatic functions.
+
+The hour for a luncheon is half past one o'clock, and sometimes it is
+advanced to two. All guests are expected to be punctual to the minute
+and to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour latitude is bad
+form. Better a little too early than too late. However, do not make
+yourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon. Bear in mind
+that the reputation of being the "late Mr. Smith" is not enviable. A
+tardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance. This rule applies
+to dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest,
+with only one exception--dances, where you have an hour's grace.
+
+Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. Men have attended them in
+lounge suits, but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear in
+afternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks are left in the hall. Your
+gloves are removed in the drawing room. When luncheon is announced,
+unless it is a very formal affair, your hostess leads the way to the
+dining room, and she is followed by her guests, women and men, not in
+procession. The men, of course, must allow the fairer sex to pass before
+them through the drawing-room door and into the dining room. Luncheon
+_menus_ consist of oysters, clams, or grape fruit with crushed ice and
+saturated with maraschino for the first course. This is followed by
+bouillon, an _entrée_, a roast or chops with peas, or broiled chicken,
+salad with birds, ices and fruits, coffee and _liqueurs_. Sherry and
+claret are the wines, and sometimes champagne is served.
+
+A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and the men are left to smoke at
+dessert. However, sometimes this formality is waived.
+
+_Dinner_ invitations are sent out at least a fortnight in advance. In
+the New York season sometimes they are issued a full month before the
+event. They must, under all circumstances, be answered within
+twenty-four hours, and cards left on your prospective host and hostess
+within a week.
+
+The fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and eight
+o'clock. Dinners being formal evening functions, formal evening dress is
+essential.
+
+Except at very small houses and apartments, two rooms are reserved--one
+for the men and the other for the ladies--as dressing rooms. Your hat,
+coat, and outdoor attire are removed, and a servant will assist you in
+arranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of feeing these attendants,
+even at private houses, has been somewhat in vogue in a very "smart" and
+wealthy set in New York. It is not good form, and I would advise you
+against it.
+
+The servant who announces you, hands you a small envelope on which is
+written your name. This incloses a card on which is the name of the lady
+whom you are to take in to dinner. After exchanging greetings with your
+hostess and removing your gloves, you should endeavor to find your
+partner and engage in some preliminary conversation. Should you not have
+been presented to her, inform your hostess of this fact, and you will be
+at once introduced. Dinner is announced by the butler entering the
+drawing room and saying, "Dinner is served." The host leads the way with
+the woman guest of honor, and you are assigned your place in the
+procession by the hostess, who comes last with the man guest of honor.
+Each man offers his right arm to his fair partner. In the dining room,
+cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribed
+thereon. Even should there be a retinue of servants, pull back the
+chair of your partner and assist her to seat herself. In some
+old-fashioned houses grace is said, and it is always the rule when a
+clergyman is one of the guests. This blessing is asked after the company
+is seated.
+
+During dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and entertainment
+of the woman whom you have taken in. She must be your first care,
+although there may be some one on your other side, or opposite, who is
+more congenial to you. Talking across the table is very bad form. Let
+your conversation be pleasant and general, but avoid politics, religion,
+and personal criticisms.
+
+There is no form for refusing wine, if it is against your scruples to
+drink it. Do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host by
+making any demonstration, such as putting your finger over the glass or
+shaking your head at the butler. Let him fill your glasses, but do not
+drink the contents. The question of waste is not to be considered; and
+if you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence, in
+your heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will do
+no harm.
+
+The hostess gives the signal at dessert for the ladies to retire to the
+drawing room. Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in solemn
+procession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A prettier
+custom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of the
+ladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way. When
+the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to the
+dining room, where coffee, _liqueurs_, and cigars are served. At the end
+of a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half hour of
+conversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the guests
+make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. On bidding
+good-night, always assure your hostess of the pleasant evening which you
+have enjoyed.
+
+Progressive dinners are sometimes given, although now almost obsolete.
+Small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or six at each
+table. The guests change places at each course, the signal for this
+being given by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies remain in their
+seats. As there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each course, a
+man brings his with him from his first table.
+
+Public dinners, except when given by certain church, debating, or
+literary societies, are stag affairs. The guests assemble at the
+restaurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to be held, and deposit
+their hats, coats, and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A ticket
+is given with the number of your rack upon it, and a small fee--usually
+twenty-five cents--is expected. The guests assemble in one of the
+smaller drawing rooms, and each one is handed a plan of the tables with
+the location of his cover designated by his name upon it. A procession
+is formed, the guests of honor and reception committee leading, to the
+banquet hall. After dessert, speeches are in order.
+
+_Dinner dances_ are a form of entertainment where dinner is followed by
+a dance, other guests coming in from other dinner parties and meeting at
+one house which has been agreed upon as the place where the dance is to
+take place. A short time after dinner, at each of the other houses, the
+guests are conveyed therefrom in carriages, or, better yet, in stages,
+to the general rendezvous. Calls are due within the week at the house
+where you have dined as well as at the one at which you have danced.
+
+Supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners. The
+occasion is a bit more informal and the _menu_ not so elaborate. The
+etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on The Dance, and
+suppers after the play, at restaurants and clubs, being favorite
+bachelor entertainments, will be explained in that part of this book
+reserved for the Bachelor as Host.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS.
+
+
+Many of the cautions contained in this chapter will seem elementary in
+their nature. But one expects in a book of this kind to see the old
+familiar "don'ts," and their absence would perhaps deter from the
+usefulness of The Complete Bachelor. I would, however, suggest a careful
+study of that clever _brochure_, entitled Don't, which would refresh the
+memory on many points not within the scope of this work. It is really
+quite surprising to see how few men have perfect table manners. The
+American is unfortunately too often in a hurry. He bolts his food. He is
+a victim of the "quick-lunch" system. Again, a bachelor eating a
+solitary meal at a club or a restaurant is apt from sheer loneliness to
+try and dispose of it as rapidly as possible. Drill yourself into eating
+leisurely. Persons of refinement take only small morsels at a time. One
+can not be too dainty at table. To attempt to talk while your mouth is
+full is another vulgarity upon which it is needless to dwell. The French
+have made us the reproach that we frequently drink while our mouths are
+in this condition. I fear there is some foundation for this accusation.
+Wipe your mouth carefully before putting a glass to your lips. Grease
+stains around the edge of a goblet or wineglass are silent but telltale
+witnesses of careless habits.
+
+The napkin is an embarrassing article to many men. Its place is on the
+lap and not tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned around the neck.
+When one arises from the table, the napkin is thrown carelessly on it,
+unfolded. The days of napkin rings are over.
+
+Nervous and bashful persons fidget, they do not sit squarely or firmly
+at table, their chairs are crooked, they play or gesticulate with their
+knives and forks, or they beat dismal tattoos with them against their
+plates. These same timid minds find vent for inspiration in the crumbs
+of the bread, of which they involuntarily make little figures or small
+round balls. The economist, another person on the list, plasters his
+food, taking a bit of potato, a little tomato, and a good-sized square
+of meat as a foundation, and spreading these tidbits one on the other,
+prepares of them a delectable poultice which he swallows at a mouthful.
+I pass over the man who leaves traces of each meal on his shirt or his
+clothes. Such a being, I have no doubt, would convey food to his mouth
+with his knife, would blow on his soup, tea, or coffee with the idea of
+cooling it, or would pour the two latter cheering fluids into a saucer
+and drink them therefrom.
+
+The caution to keep one's hands above the cloth and one's elbows out of
+reach of others, also falls under the head of kindergarten
+classification. The ridiculous idea prevailing that one must not eat
+until others are served has passed away with many old-time fallacies.
+One commences to eat as soon as served. You need not proceed very
+actively, but you can take up your fork or spoon, as the case may be,
+and make at least a feint at it.
+
+Toasts have also fallen into "desuetude" at private dinners. Sometimes
+you will find an old-fashioned host who will, on touching his glass with
+his lips, bow to his guests, and they may wait for this signal to sip
+their wine, but the custom is utterly obsolete in large cities and at
+formal dinners.
+
+When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork side by side
+on your plate, the prongs of the fork upward. Do not cross them. No
+whistlike signals are needed to-day to signify that you have had
+sufficient to eat.
+
+Dinners are generally served _à la Russe_--that is, from the sideboard,
+and the dishes are passed around by the servants on silver trays. Very
+large _plats_, such as roasts and fish, are sometimes carried without
+the trays. On all occasions of ceremony the men servants are gloved.
+
+Carving at table is but little seen except at very informal dinners and
+in the country, where sometimes the master of the house shows off this
+old-fashioned accomplishment, especially if he has a dining room in
+colonial style and wishes to have everything in keeping.
+
+The question of second helpings is therefore not one of moment. The
+servants pass the viands twice or more around. If a host or hostess
+serves at table, he or she will ask the guests whether they would like a
+second helping. It is never demanded. Except when absolutely necessary
+the handkerchief should be kept out of sight. It can be used in case
+there should be some sudden irritation of the skin, but to blow one's
+nose at table is disgusting.
+
+The American bachelor takes usually a very light first meal. It consists
+of tea, coffee, or cocoa, toast, eggs, oatmeal, and fruit. There are yet
+a few men who go in for the old-fashioned hearty breakfast with
+beefsteak, buckwheat cakes, and trimmings, but in cities the lighter
+meal is preferable. All this is, of course, more a matter of environment
+and hygiene than etiquette. I have compiled a list of certain viands,
+which society does require should be eaten at a special meal and in only
+one manner. With this catalogue I will close this chapter.
+
+
+BREAKFAST AND LUNCHEON DISHES.
+
+_Eggs._--It is much better form to have egg cups than egg glasses for
+boiled eggs. Cut the top of the egg off with a dexterous blow of a sharp
+knife and eat it in the shell with a small egg spoon.
+
+_Sugar._--Lump sugar if served is always taken with the sugar tongs.
+
+_Butter._--Butter is only served at breakfast or luncheon. It is passed
+around in a silver dish, with a little silver pick with which to spear
+it. Butter plates--i. e., the small round silver or china affairs--have
+given place to bread and butter plates, which are of china and are
+somewhat larger than an ordinary saucer. The butter plate of a few years
+ago was never seen outside of America, and is now destined to vanish
+from our tables. It is needless to add that butter is never served at
+dinner.
+
+_Radishes._--Radishes appear at luncheon. Put them on your bread and
+butter plate and eat them with a little salt.
+
+_Cantaloupes_ are served cut in half and filled with ice. They are eaten
+as a first course, a fork being better to eat them with than a spoon.
+Salt is the condiment to use with them, but sugar is allowable. In
+southern climates they are sometimes served at dinner as a separate
+course between the fish and roast. This is a Creole custom.
+
+_Grape fruit_ is served as a first course (_vide_ chapter Diner-Out) at
+a late breakfast or luncheon. It is eaten with a spoon.
+
+
+DINNER.
+
+The _menu_ of to-day is simple. It consists of oysters or clams,
+according to season, soup, fish, _entrée_, roast and vegetables, game
+and salad, ices and dessert. Sorbets or frozen punches are not served,
+except at public banquets and hotel _table-d'hôtes_.
+
+_Oysters_ or _clams_ are placed on the table in plates for the purpose
+before dinner is announced. They are imbedded in ice and arranged around
+a half-sliced lemon, which is in the middle of the plate. Oysters or
+clams are eaten with a fork only. Gourmets say that they should not even
+be cut with it, and should be swallowed whole. I would not advise any
+one to try this with large oysters. The oyster fork is the first in the
+number of the implements placed beside your plate. Condiments, such as
+pepper and salt, will be passed you. Sauterne is served with oysters.
+
+_Oyster cocktails_ have been in vogue in place of oysters. These are a
+mixture of the bivalve with Tabasco sauce and vinegar, and they are said
+to be excellent appetizers. They are eaten with a small fork from
+cocktail glasses. Bachelors frequently serve them in place of oysters.
+
+_Soup_.--At large and formal dinners a clear soup is in vogue. Your soup
+spoon will be on the knife side of your plate. Soup is eaten from the
+side and not from the end of the spoon. The motion of the hand guiding
+the spoon is toward and not from you. Take soup in small spoonfuls, and
+use your napkin in wiping your mouth and mustache after each, especially
+if the soup is thick or a _purée_. This will avoid the dripping of that
+liquid from your upper lip. Never after this operation throw your napkin
+back into your lap with the greasy side toward your clothes, but use the
+inside of it for this purpose.
+
+_Fish_ is eaten with a silver fish fork. Chasing morsels of fish around
+your plate with bits of bread is obsolete. Silver fish knives have been
+put in use, but they are not generally the vogue.
+
+_Cucumbers_ are served with fish on the same plate. Little plates or
+saucers for cucumbers, vegetables, or salads are bad form.
+
+_Sherry_ is served with fish.
+
+_Celery_, _olives_, and _salted almonds_ are placed on the table in
+small dishes. Sometimes the guests are asked to help themselves, but at
+formal dinners they are passed around after the fish. Celery is eaten
+with the fingers and dipped in a little salt placed on the tablecloth or
+on the edge of your plate. It is also served as an _entrée_ raw, the
+stalks stuffed with Parmesan cheese. It should then be eaten with a
+fork.
+
+_Entrées_ require a fork only. Among these are patties, _rissoles_,
+_croquettes_, and sweetbreads.
+
+_Mushrooms_ are eaten with a fork, and served as a separate course in
+lieu of an _entrée_.
+
+_Terrapin_ is served sometimes in little silver saucepans either as an
+_entrée_ or as fish, and again in a chafing dish, and sometimes with
+salad. It is more of a supper than a dinner plat, and should be eaten
+with a fork.
+
+_Asparagus_ is eaten, except in the intimate privacy of your own family
+circle, with a fork. Cut the points off with the end of the prongs. The
+stalk or white part is not eaten. It is allowable to eat it with your
+fingers, as I have said, in private. It is served after the roast as a
+special course. One can not drink _champagne_ with _asparagus_ except at
+the risk of a severe headache.
+
+_Artichokes_ are served as a separate course after the roast. They
+should be placed in the center of your plate and the inside tips of the
+leaves alone eaten. The leaves are removed with the fingers and dipped
+in salt, _sauce vinaigrette_, or melted butter. The center of the
+artichoke is called the heart. The hairy part is removed with the fork,
+and the heart itself, which is deliciously tender, is conveyed to the
+mouth with the fork.
+
+_Champagne_ is served in small tumblers or claret glasses. The champagne
+stem glasses are out of fashion. The _dry_ may be served from the fish
+to the close of dinner, but the old rule was to give it with the roast,
+_claret_ with the _entrée_, and _Burgundy_ with the game.
+
+_Salad_ is eaten with a fork only. In cutting _game_ or _poultry_, the
+bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers, but
+the meat cut close off. It is better to sever the wing at the joint.
+
+_Savories_, a species of salt fish and cheese sandwich, is served in
+England hot, about the end of dinner. They should be eaten with a fork.
+Undressed salad is sometimes served with them, or radishes, butter, and
+cheese. This is the only occasion when one sees butter on a dinner
+table, and this at informal dinners. The salad undressed can be eaten
+with the fingers. At bachelor dinners and at luncheons _cheese_ is
+served with salad. The French soft cheeses are the favorites.
+
+_Pastry_, _ices_, and _desserts_ are eaten with a fork.
+
+_Fruit_, such as peaches, pears, and apples, are served frequently
+already pared. When this is the case, finger bowls are dispensed with,
+but as yet this is not a general rule. Usually at dessert there is
+placed before you a finger glass and doily and a dessert plate, with the
+dessert knife and fork on either side. Remove the glass and doily; put
+it in front of your plate a little to the right. _Fruit_ must be pared
+or peeled with a silver knife.
+
+_Strawberries_ are now served with the stems on, and sugar and cream are
+passed around and are taken on your dessert plate.
+
+_Pineapples_ are eaten with a fork. A cracker is used for nuts, and
+silver picks are brought in with the dessert.
+
+_Corn_ on the cob is a favorite at small informal dinners as a separate
+course. In polite society you must remove the grains of the corn with
+your fork or your knife and fork, and never eat it off the cob holding
+the end with your fingers. By holding one end with your napkin, you can
+plow down the furrow of the grains with your fork, and you will find
+that they will fall off easily. _Corn_ is always served, when given in
+this style, on a white napkin. You help yourself to the ear with your
+fingers.
+
+_Macaroni_ and _spaghetti_ should only be eaten with a fork. In New
+Orleans boiled _shrimps_ are often served at small dinners. The skins
+and heads are on, and you remove these with your fingers. After this
+course finger bowls with orange leaves are passed around, and the
+perfume of the water will remove the odor of fish from your fingers.
+
+_Black coffee_ is served after dinner. Milk or cream does not accompany
+it, except in the country, where sometimes a little silver pitcher of
+cream is placed on the tray. Coffee is drunk from small cups. Coffee and
+milk are never served during dinner, nor again is iced milk. These are
+barbarisms. Chartreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac are the _liqueurs_
+usually served after dinner.
+
+_Claret_, in many French families, especially those of the middle class,
+is placed on the table in decanters. You are expected to help yourself.
+There are also _carafons_ or decanters of water to mix with the wine.
+The claret decanters are called _carafes_. Claret is drunk at the twelve
+o'clock _dejeuner_ as well as at dinner.
+
+_Tea_ is passed around in old-fashioned English houses about an hour
+after dinner. In some places buttered muffins accompany it, but this
+extra refreshment is only seen now in very old-fashioned houses.
+
+_Scotch whisky_ and hot water or mineral waters are served in country
+houses before bedtime.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST.
+
+LUNCHEONS, DINNERS, THEATER PARTIES, CLUB AND RESTAURANT SUPPERS,
+AND OTHER BACHELOR ENTERTAINMENTS.
+
+
+The bachelor who entertains is a most popular member of society. It does
+not cost a fortune to return in some manner the civilities once
+received, and every man, even if his income be limited, can once in a
+while entertain, even if it be on a very small scale and in a very
+modest way. Bachelor functions are always enjoyable. For a host of
+moderate income, I would suggest a luncheon, a dinner, or a party to the
+play, followed by a little supper.
+
+A bachelor luncheon can be given either at the host's apartments or
+chambers, at a restaurant, or in the ladies' annex of his club, if that
+organization possesses such an institution.
+
+At all entertainments given under a bachelor's vine and fig tree,
+extreme simplicity should be a characteristic. The table linen should be
+of the finest damask, or the best material his income will allow; the
+glass perfectly plain, clear crystal, the china of a rich but quiet
+pattern, the silver good but absolutely without ornamental devices of
+any kind. In fact, the silver can be limited to forks and spoons, and
+the rest Sheffield or prince's plate. Silver is not expensive, but plate
+is considered quite smart, and it has the advantage of being utterly
+valueless from the burglar's point of view.
+
+Individual salt and pepper affairs, cut or colored glass, or the hundred
+and one knick-knacks which one sees advertised and which eventually find
+their way to the boarding-house table, are vulgar.
+
+Before your cloth is laid you should have a cover of felt placed over
+the table, so as to form a shield between it and the damask or linen. In
+the center goes a silver or plated fernery, filled with ferns and
+asparagus vines, on a mirror tray, or an _épergne_ with fruit. Two
+heavy, old-fashioned decanters in Queen Anne coasters should be placed,
+one at your right and the other at the right of your _vis-à-vis_. These
+contain sherry and claret. Four plain silver, plated, or china dishes
+are at the corners with salted almonds, olives, _bonbons_, and fancy
+cakes. If you wish to be very effective and have the money to spare, it
+is smart at a dinner to have silver candlesticks with candles or tiny
+lamps gleaming behind red or pink shades at each cover. Two or three
+forks are laid at the left of each plate. If more are required, your
+servant will replace them. On the right of the plate are the knives,
+including one for the roast, with the tablespoon for the soup, if it is
+a dinner, and the oyster fork. The napkins should be plain and flat, and
+contain a roll of bread. These hints for arranging the table will do for
+either luncheon or dinner. Not one of the articles is in itself
+expensive, and you may possess them all with the accumulation of years.
+If not, a simpler arrangement could be effected, or you could give the
+entertainment at a restaurant instead of your rooms or house. The
+invitations can be either verbal or written, but at best a luncheon or
+dinner in a bachelor's apartments is regarded as a little frolic, and
+you must try to preserve the spirit and waive the formalities.
+
+A chaperon, of course, is necessary. The party can be limited to about
+eight. If you have a manservant he should be dressed in black coat and
+trousers, white shirt, standing collar and tie, and liveried waistcoat.
+His duties are to open the door and to serve the luncheon. But a
+manservant is not necessary. Some of the smartest bachelors in New York
+give delightful little dinners and luncheons at their apartments, at
+which the maid who has cooked the meal, dressed in white apron and black
+gown, also serves it.
+
+The _menu_ should be the usual one expected at luncheons, but champagne
+is never offered by a man to women in his apartments, unless at dinner
+or a theater supper. If a wealthy bachelor has a large house, and
+instead of one there are a number of matrons chaperoning, the case is
+different. Manhattan or Martini cocktails could be passed around before
+luncheon, or some little peculiar dish be served to give a zest to the
+occasion.
+
+_A bachelor's dinner_ at his house or apartments is a more formal
+entertainment, but it differs in nowise from a regular function of that
+character. The chaperon takes the place of the lady of the house for
+that occasion. Dressing rooms are arranged for the men and women, and
+the same ceremonies observed as at any formal dinner. If the affair is
+given in apartments, of course the character must be more or less
+informal, as the accommodations are limited. Should you have a man serve
+at your dinner, he must be in evening dress. Both at dinner and at
+luncheon he must have gloves, but this is not required of a maid.
+
+A bachelor's supper in his own apartments is sometimes given after the
+play. Of the _menu_, I will speak a little farther on. A chafing-dish
+supper is, however, an unique and enjoyable entertainment. Several
+chafing dishes should be ready, so that each course can follow without
+delay. Terrapin, truffled eggs, curried oysters, and other dainties of
+this kind comprise usually the _menu_. It would be well to serve first
+oysters on the half shell, followed by lobster _à la Newburg_, the
+latter being the first _plat_ cooked with the chafing dish. Champagne is
+a good wine, and allowable for a chafing-dish supper; but if Welsh
+rarebits are the _chef d'oeuvre_, then beer or ale would be better.
+
+_A theater party_ should be confined to eight or ten. A _parti
+carré_--four people--is delightful. Unmarried women do not go to
+theaters or restaurants with a man alone. They must be chaperoned, even
+at a matinée or a luncheon party at a hotel or restaurant--in fact, an
+unmarried couple is seldom seen at public places in New York, unless
+they are engaged, and married women are as much compromised as unmarried
+ones by indifference to this absolute rule of etiquette.
+
+The invitations can be either verbal or written. In the season it is
+better to write them, to insure the acceptance of guests. Be careful in
+the wording to give not only the evening, but the name of the play and
+the theater. For a party, always secure end seats, and there will be no
+disturbing of others in case you might be a little late. A box is
+necessary at the circus or at a music hall, but orchestra seats or
+stalls are the best selection for a bachelor's party. Many mothers
+object to their daughters being seen at the theater in a proscenium box.
+
+The rendezvous or meeting place should be at the chaperon's. The
+vestibule of the theater is awkward, except for parties of four. A stage
+is the best vehicle to convey your guests to the playhouse. At the
+theater the host sees that his guests are provided with playbills. He
+gives the tickets to the usher, and precedes the party down the aisle.
+He indicates the order of sitting. A man should go in first, followed by
+the woman with whom he is to sit, and then, thus sandwiched, the rest
+of the party file in, the host taking the aisle or end seat. The host
+sits next to the chaperon. Gentlemen do not go out between the acts at
+the theater, but sometimes, when there is a party to the opera, they can
+leave their seats if other men come to visit the ladies. A man going in
+or out a theater aisle should do so with his face toward the stage and
+his back to the seat. A host never leaves his guests. After the play go
+a little ahead and give your carriage check to the porter as soon as
+possible, so that there may not be a long wait. The porter expects a
+small fee. All theater parties are followed by a supper given either at
+a restaurant, at the club, in the ladies' annex, or at your bachelor
+apartments.
+
+All luncheons, dinners, or suppers at a restaurant, unless organized on
+the spur of the moment, are ordered beforehand, and everything,
+including the waiter's tip, arranged and settled for. If you have not an
+account at the restaurant, pay the bill at the time you order the _menu_
+and reserve the table. Flowers should be included, and a centerpiece of
+roses, which are so arranged as to come apart and be distributed in
+bunches to each of your fair guests, is one of the favorite devices.
+Small _boutonnières_ are provided for the men. The public restaurant or
+dining room is the place for a bachelor supper when ladies are guests. A
+private room is not proper, and your guests want to see and be seen. The
+chaperon is seated at the right hand of the host, unless the party is
+given in honor of a particular woman, in which case she has that place.
+The chaperon is then at your left. Wraps and coats are taken off in the
+hall of the restaurant and checked. There is no order of entry, except
+that the host should precede and the others follow.
+
+The usual _menu_ for a theater supper is:
+
+I. Clams or oysters on the half shell.
+
+II. Bouillon in cups.
+
+III. Chicken _croquettes_ or sweetbreads with peas, or lobster _à la
+Newburg_.
+
+IV. Terrapin or birds with salad.
+
+V. Ices, cakes, _café noir_, _bonbons_.
+
+VI. _Liqueurs_.
+
+With the oysters or clams white wine is served. Champagne follows the
+bouillon until the end of the supper.
+
+After supper the party usually returns to the residence of the chaperon,
+where the unmarried women have their maids and family escorts awaiting
+them. The host accompanies them to the chaperon's house, but the other
+men take leave at the restaurant. The chaperon may have it arranged to
+have dancing at her house, in which case the party return with her after
+supper.
+
+_A supper in the ladies' annex_ in nowise differs from this, except that
+you do not tip the waiter or pay the bill, but have it charged in your
+monthly account.
+
+The _menu_ for a supper at your own apartments follows the same lines as
+those already given.
+
+_Theater clubs_ are associations of women and men, all subscribing,
+meeting at the houses of different members, one of whom gives the
+supper.
+
+_Bachelors' dances_ or _balls_ are given at a large hall by a number of
+unmarried men, who subscribe a certain amount each. A number of
+well-known matrons are asked to receive the guests, and a cotillon
+usually follows the supper.
+
+_Impromptu lunches_, _dinners_, or _suppers_ at restaurants sometimes
+require the immediate settlement of the account. Be careful to draw from
+your pocketbook a bill of large denomination, and not a handful of
+change. Do not con over or dispute the items. If you have an account,
+simply sign the check. If not, it is best to give the waiter his tip and
+go to the desk and pay while the members of your party are getting their
+wraps.
+
+_Dinners at restaurants_ are frequently given by bachelors, and are
+followed by a visit to the theater. The rendezvous is either at the
+house of the chaperon or at the restaurant itself, should the party be
+limited in number.
+
+The _menu_ varies according to the season. Six courses, including raw
+oysters or clams, soup, fish, _entrée_, roast and vegetables, birds and
+salad, ices and dessert, are sufficient. The form and manner of
+entertaining at a dinner of this kind are similar to those observed at
+suppers.
+
+To a man who frequently entertains, and at a particular restaurant, an
+occasional tip to the head waiter would be of service. This is a word to
+the wise.
+
+_Card parties_ for the playing of whist, domino, or poker are often
+given by bachelors at their apartments or residences. In apartments this
+class of entertainment is only for men. Women should not go to
+bachelors' apartments except for luncheon, dinner, or supper. In a
+bachelor's house, however, any entertainment can be given. Small stakes
+are played for and the usual supper follows. The _farewell bachelor
+dinner_ will have its proper place in the chapter on Wedding Etiquette.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+THE COUNTRY HOUSE.
+
+THE BACHELOR AS HOST.--THE BACHELOR AS GUEST.
+
+
+Bachelors, whose incomes are of all sizes and conditions, can have some
+kind of a country house. It may be a fishing lodge, a hunting box,
+maintained by three or four men clubbing together; a small cottage
+plainly and simply furnished at the seashore, near golf links, or in a
+good neighborhood; or again a large establishment, a villa at Newport or
+in a fashionable colony with a retinue of servants and a stable filled
+with horses. Whichever it might be, open hospitality, as much as it is
+in your power, should prevail. However, never attempt anything more than
+you can accomplish, and by all means do not run into debt. To a fishing
+or hunting lodge men only should be invited. It should be furnished with
+the mere necessaries, and hung with fishing and hunting prints and
+trophies of the chase. The hall serves as sitting and even mess room. A
+man of all work or an old married couple are the best servants. Ample
+supplies are sent from town, but the leading idea is roughing it, and
+the table is partially supplied by the game and fish brought back by you
+and your friends. When the term of the visit of your guests expires,
+each should be able to bring home a basket of fish or some game. From
+time to time send to any of your hostesses of the winter something from
+your preserves. These attentions are much appreciated.
+
+A truck farm or a small country place near town, which may have either
+fallen to you by inheritance or which you may have purchased, or which
+you have for kennels or for your horses, can also be used for
+entertaining. Even in the largest of these houses the plan of furnishing
+is substantially the same. There should be a masculine note throughout
+the entire scheme. The furniture should be old-fashioned, and the
+pictures sporting and hunting prints and steel engravings. There should
+be an air of homeliness and open hospitality about the place. It should
+look as if it were verily Liberty Hall.
+
+A tract of unprofitable land could be converted into golf links and a
+tennis court laid out. A picnic is the popular form in which bachelors
+who have such a possession may entertain. Some fifty to one hundred
+people can be invited, and a special train or boat, if the place is too
+far from the city for a drive, chartered for their accommodation. The
+invitations should state the hour at which this train or boat would
+leave the city. Stages await the guests at the country station and bring
+them up to the house. Cocktails, drinkables, claret cup, tea, and
+sandwiches are served on their arrival. There should be no fixed
+programme of amusement. Luncheon, or luncheon and dinner both, according
+to the length of stay, could be served, and the _menu_ should embrace a
+few courses of country fare. Dancing in the barn during the afternoon
+will be another form of entertainment, or if you wish to give an
+elaborate entertainment, vaudeville performers might be hired for the
+hour after luncheon.
+
+In a large establishment the bachelor who entertains usually has
+residing with him a sister or female relative who acts as hostess. One
+of the delights of a wealthy bachelor is to have a large and
+well-appointed stable with a number of traps which are at the
+disposition of his guests.
+
+A bachelor host always drives to the station or boat to meet his guests.
+A drag, three-seated surrey, or a station van would be the smart
+vehicle. I am now writing of a man of large means. The method of
+entertaining should be the English one, without any fixed programme for
+the days of the guests' stay. Only when there is shooting, the party is
+expected to assemble in the morning. If there is a local club, your men
+guests should be put up at it, and the entire party made visiting
+members of the neighboring casino. The rest is conveyed in the advice to
+have always plenty of good cheer and to entertain the visitors as much
+as possible. In these houses there is much drinking, possibly, and
+perhaps cards, but a young man who is a guest should be firm enough to
+resist temptation, and to stand by his convictions.
+
+One word more, and this applies to many country houses, if not all of
+them. See that your guests' bedrooms are provided with soap, hair and
+clothes' brushes, and toilet articles. The desk should be filled with
+letter paper and envelopes, and if you want to appear very fashionable,
+the stationery should have the name of your place in blue or red
+letters at the top or in the right-hand corner of the first sheet. Many
+convivial souls place on a side table in each room mineral water,
+cigarettes, cigars, and the inevitable decanter.
+
+When you are a guest you are met at the station by one of your host's
+traps. Do not be surprised, however, if you do not find this
+accommodation. It is considered very English, I know not why, to allow
+bachelors to reach a country house by the best means they can find at
+the station or landing. You are received by your host, and after
+refreshment are shown to your room. If you arrive late in the afternoon
+you do not see your hostess, but dress for dinner and find her in the
+drawing room when you go downstairs. You are expected to conform to the
+rules of the house as to the hours for meals, and to place yourself at
+the service of your hostess. You must certainly appear at any function
+which has been arranged for you, and it is very impolite to accept,
+during your stay, any outside invitation to any affair to which your
+host and hostess have not also been asked. If you have a valet you may
+bring him with you, but you must certainly notify your host of this
+intention. Few houses in this country have the accommodations necessary
+for outside servants.
+
+Tipping is demoralizing, but it is an accepted custom. On your departure
+after a short stay, at Newport or a very fashionable resort, the servant
+who attends you should have five dollars, the butler five dollars, the
+coachman five dollars, and the chambermaid two dollars. At smaller
+places five dollars altogether, judiciously distributed, is ample, or a
+dollar each to three of the servants.
+
+The first-mentioned amounts can be placed in envelopes and given to the
+servant attending you for the others. All this is a question of
+resources, and there are many men who avoid invitations to the large
+country houses in the East and North because they can not afford the
+tips. In England, when one is invited to the shooting, one tips the
+gamekeeper one to five pounds, according to the extent of the bag and
+duration of visit.
+
+The usual method of inviting men in this country for a short stay is
+from Friday or Saturday until Monday. It has often been a puzzle to them
+as to what they should take in their bag or how much luggage they should
+carry. At most not more than a good-sized bag or valise and perhaps a
+hatbox. For an evening's stay a dress-suit case is sufficient. In your
+valise must be placed your evening clothes, and if the party is to be
+somewhat of an informal one, I would also take my dinner jacket. If you
+are going to a very fashionable resort, a black frock coat, waistcoat,
+and fancy trousers would not be amiss, but in that case you would have
+also to take a hatbox for your top hat. Of recent years men in the
+country have been consulting their comfort more than absolute accuracy
+in the details of dress. Even at garden parties, at church, and at
+afternoon teas during the month of August at Newport, which is, after
+all, only the fashionable metropolis transported to another locality for
+the summer, you seldom see a frock coat or a top hat. Unless you are
+sure that there will be an occasion where these would be positively
+required, I would not take them, especially on so short a visit. The
+linen to be brought should consist of a dress shirt for each evening and
+a colored shirt for each morning, half a dozen handkerchiefs, two
+complete changes of underclothes, three pairs of ordinary and two pairs
+of black silk hose, and a pair of pyjamas. Take three of your ties for
+day wear and four white lawn for evening, and one black in case you are
+to use your dinner jacket. Slippers for the bedroom and pumps for
+evening wear should complete the clothing carried, unless you take your
+frock coat, when you would have to bring patent leather boots to wear
+with afternoon dress. I have given rather a liberal allowance of
+articles for a short stay, but one must be prepared for accidents or
+emergencies. It is better to take an extra shirt, or a change of
+underclothes, or a few more ties than one could ordinarily use, so that
+some _contretemps_ would not cause great annoyance and inconvenience. In
+the absence of a dressing case, care must be taken of the articles for
+the toilet. The tooth, nail, and shaving brushes, the sponges and
+washrags, should be packed in little waterproof silk bags, which can be
+obtained at a small price at any chemist's. Your host or hostess should
+provide you with soap, but I would not take the risk. I should bring my
+own in a little metal soapbox or well wrapped in thick paper. Your
+shaving articles, a shoehorn, button hook, nail file, small pair of nail
+scissors, tooth powder, or listerine should not be forgotten. The large
+articles, your combs and your brushes, can all be wrapped separately in
+tissue paper. It would be gallant of you to bring a box of sweets for
+your hostess.
+
+If you are asked to play golf, it might be more convenient to travel in
+your golf togs, which would serve as a lounge suit. But in that case a
+pair of long trousers to match your coat and waistcoat, or an entire
+lounge suit should be carried, as on Sunday you would be very
+uncomfortable in golf dress, and somewhat out of place. Or you might put
+your "knickers" in the bag, and wear the coat and waistcoat with long
+trousers.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS.
+
+
+As soon as a bachelor begins to branch out a little and to have an
+apartment or a house or a country establishment, though the latter be
+only a fishing or a hunting box, he must hire servants. The general
+servant is perhaps the one most universally employed. Many bachelors
+hire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking, but takes
+care of the apartment, valets him, and waits at table when he has guests
+to dinner. Others employ a man to look after them, who is valet and
+general _factotum_, and others again, with larger establishments, a man
+and wife. The former does the valeting, the waiting, and is steward and
+butler, while the woman attends to the cooking and laundry. There are
+quite a number of bachelor households of this description in our large
+cities, the occupants being several in number and clubbing together. One
+is appointed treasurer, and the butler and cook are hired at a stated
+price and receive a certain sum for catering. When good servants of this
+kind are found they are treasures.
+
+All menservants should be clean shaven. A short bit of side whiskers--_à
+la_ mutton chop--is allowed; but under no circumstances should they have
+bearded faces or wear a mustache. Their linen and attire should be
+faultless. In the treatment of servants a man must exercise an iron
+will. He can be kind and considerate, but he must never descend to
+dispute with one, and certainly not swear at him. To be on familiar
+terms with one's servants shows the cloven foot of vulgarity. Discharge
+a servant at once when he is disrespectful or when he is careless in his
+duties or in his conduct. When asking for anything there is no necessity
+of forgetting the elements of true politeness, nor is it a blot on your
+deportment to utter a civil "thank you" for a service performed. All
+servants should address you as "Sir," and when called should reply "Yes,
+sir," and certainly not "All right." Your menservants touch their hats
+to you on receiving orders in the open, on being addressed, and upon
+your appearance. Encourage your servants now and then by a kind word,
+and see that they have good and wholesome food, clean and comfortable
+quarters. Once in a while give them a holiday, or an evening off, a cash
+remembrance at Christmas, and from time to time some part of your
+wardrobe or cast-off clothing. They are just like children, and must be
+treated with the rigor and mild discipline which a schoolmaster uses
+toward his pupils. In all their movements they should be noiseless and
+as automatic as possible in their actions.
+
+And now for particular servants hired by a bachelor:
+
+The _groom_ is, with the exception of the general servant, the first
+domestic likely to be in the employ of an unmarried man of moderate
+means. When a bachelor becomes a horse owner he can never be too
+particular about his turnouts and his liveries. The groom in the city or
+at a fashionable watering place should have two liveries--one for dress
+occasions and the other for what is known as a "stable suit." The
+latter, which is a simple English tweed or whipcord, made with a cutaway
+coat of the same material, will answer perfectly well for the country,
+where it is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries. A square brown Derby
+is worn with this suit, brown English driving gloves, and a white
+plastron or coachman's scarf. This flat scarf is the badge of
+distinction between the house and stable servant. No tie pin nor
+trinkets of any description should be allowed servants. The best dress
+livery is a frock coat, single-breasted, of kersey, the color of your
+livery; white buckskin riding breeches, top boots, top hat, white
+plastron, standing collar, and brown driving gloves. One distinctive
+color should be used, not only for your liveries but also for your
+traps, as well as one kind of harness. The cockade on the hat is the
+privilege abroad of ambassadors; it is bad form. Besides the care of
+your horse or horses, your groom must be a species of outside general
+servant, ready to go on errands or attend to the numerous duties of a
+manservant about a country place. By no means can he be substituted for
+a valet, a butler, or an indoor servant. When he brings your trap to the
+door he holds the animals' heads until you are seated, when he touches
+his hat and lets go the reins. If he is to sit behind in the trap he
+must hold himself upright with folded arms. He alights immediately the
+trap is stopped, running all errands, and holding the horses until the
+drive is resumed. He sometimes accompanies his master when the latter
+rides. He brings his horse to the door and holds it until the mount. He
+follows, occasionally, on another horse at a respectful distance. Should
+you be wealthy enough to have also a coachman, your groom can act as
+second man on the box. A coachman's dress livery consists of a
+double-breasted long coachman's coat, top boots, and buckskin breeches,
+white flat plastron, high collar and top hat, and brown driving gloves.
+When both servants are employed the groom is under the orders of the
+coachman as regards the stable work.
+
+_The Valet._--Of course a valet is a luxury. A man can valet himself
+very easily, and if the instructions given in the chapters on the Care
+of Clothes and The Toilet are followed carefully, I hardly think that
+you would need such a personage. A woman can be perfectly trained to
+valet a man. Your general servant can also, and is required to fill this
+position. If you live at a club the club valet will attend to your
+clothes, and perform the duties of a private servant. There are
+"valeting companies" organized in many large cities, which take entire
+charge of your wardrobe, and again there are valets who are hired by
+several men clubbing together, and who are very capable servants. The
+individual valet, however, is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor of
+wealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, or if he goes out a great
+deal in society. A valet's duties are first and principally the entire
+charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, the details of which have
+been given in previous chapters. They begin an hour or so before the
+master rises, when clothes are to be pressed and put in order, boots and
+shoes to be polished and placed on their trees, and the costume of the
+day to be made ready. If possible, a small room is provided for him as
+his workshop.
+
+At the hour for rising, the valet enters his master's room very quietly,
+and, if he is awake, pulls up the shades and lets in the daylight. The
+bath is then prepared, and while that is being taken the newspapers,
+mail, and breakfast tray are brought in, and the valet waits for orders.
+Some men require their valets to shave them, but the majority simply
+intrust the care of their razors to them, preferring to perform that
+operation themselves. The valet assists his master in dressing, and,
+when the toilet is finished, ties or buttons the boots, arranges the
+spats, and gives a final brush to the clothes. He then fetches the
+stick, gloves, and hat. During the day he may be employed on errands,
+in answering tradespeople, in paying bills, or in any minor occupations
+of that kind. A first-class servant of this character should not only be
+steward but secretary. When writing letters for his master he should
+write them in the third person, and also sign them "Respectfully yours,
+JOHN SMITH, _valet_."
+
+A valet is told of the engagements of the day, and has the clothes
+arranged accordingly, and he must be at his post. In the evening the
+dress suit is laid out, with choice of ties and two coats, the formal
+and informal, or Tuxedo. A valet must be at the rooms when his master
+retires. In traveling he takes care of the luggage, tickets, and all the
+little annoying details. He travels second class abroad, and in this
+country he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a drawing-room
+car with his master. The valet wears no livery. He dresses quietly in a
+plain sack suit of dark material, and wears a Derby hat. Should he be
+required to wait on table, he dresses in semi-livery if the affair is a
+luncheon, and in evening dress if it is a dinner.
+
+The _butler_ is a very rare functionary in a bachelor's establishment,
+only the wealthiest being able to afford him. The valet or general
+servant acts as butler, and when in this position he should always have
+a black coat on when answering the bell.
+
+I have used the terms throughout this chapter of "master" and "servant."
+Employer and employee are correct only when the relations between the
+two persons are not of a domestic character.
+
+The most fashionable and efficient menservants are of English, Scotch,
+or Irish birth or descent. Japanese make excellent valets. Colored
+coachmen and grooms are not the vogue in New York or vicinity, but they
+are seen in the South. Very wealthy bachelors have introduced a fad for
+East Indian servants, but at present only a few of these have been
+employed, and those at Newport.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+THE DANCE.
+
+
+This is certainly a most important subject, and one which can not be
+lightly treated. I have thought it better to use exclusively the New
+York forms, which differ somewhat from the English, the French, and
+continental, as well as from a certain code of etiquette prevailing in
+other American cities.
+
+I shall therefore, as we have no State balls or ceremonials of that
+character, consider public assemblages, a few of which are patronized by
+society in New York and elsewhere.
+
+Of absolutely public balls the only one which society attends is the
+Charity. In New York this has fallen somewhat in fashionable popularity,
+although efforts are being made to revive it. In Chicago and in other
+cities it is still a very fashionable function. It is there well
+patronized and is considered smart. Tickets to the Charity are sold by
+a number of lady patronesses, and you are apt to receive one or several
+from some of them, if you are a rich young man, with a request to
+purchase. If the note states that you are expected to be a guest you are
+simply to answer it, as you would any other invitation, and certainly
+not to inclose any money. Patronesses frequently are named because it is
+expected that they will purchase quite a number of tickets. And here let
+me give a useful hint. In sending money to this and for charitable
+entertainments in general, always do it by check; never inclose bills.
+If you must use cash, keep it for your small tradespeople.
+
+Everything may be said to have its price at a Charity Ball. Supper is
+sometimes included with the ticket. The repast is usually rather poor,
+but then you must remember it is for charity. Perhaps you will be asked
+some time in advance by the patronesses to be one in the "grand march."
+The "grand march" proper is a form of exhibition long since relegated to
+balls of the "Tough Boys' Coterie" and other assemblages of the same
+class. But it has survived, in place of a lancers or quadrille of honor,
+at the Charity Ball, and we have either to go through with it or watch
+it from the boxes with Christian patience. If you are to take part, I
+would advise you to present yourself at the hall or opera house about
+nine o'clock. The floor manager will do the rest. You are to offer your
+left arm to the lady you are taking out, and you march around the place
+in regular line, sometimes once, sometimes twice, and the agony is over.
+The company assembled does not join in this ceremony, and the formation
+of figures and countermarches is an affair in vogue at balls of a
+different class, which I should imagine none of my readers would
+patronize or even "hear tell of," except through the newspapers.
+
+The Inauguration Ball in Washington, as well as the New Years'
+receptions at the different embassies' and secretaries' houses, are
+public functions to which the populace get admittance. They are crushes
+of the worst description, and at many of them refreshments are served.
+Except to make an obeisance to your distinguished host and hostess--if
+to the President, shaking hands with him--no other ceremony is needed.
+
+At Newport and at other watering places there are during the season
+semipublic dances at the Casino. Any one who subscribes to that place of
+amusement is entitled to all the social privileges. The tickets can be
+obtained from the secretary or his agent.
+
+In every city there is an assembly or dancing organization on the lines
+of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs in New York. This is in itself not
+original with the "Four Hundred"--vulgar term!--but was copied from the
+St. Cecilia, the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristocratic
+Charleston, where it has existed since the days of the Revolution. The
+assemblies proper in New York are called the Matriarchs. The
+arrangements are in the hands of a number of fashionable women instead
+of men. The plan of all these organizations is practically the same. In
+order to make matters easy and to pilot my reader through the
+intricacies of a fashionable ball, I will suppose that he is a stranger
+in New York, with some smart friends, and that he is going either to the
+Patriarchs' or to the Assembly. The rules laid down will hold good for
+other cities. Your first intimation may be while visiting at the house
+of one of the patrons or patronesses, when your hostess or host may ask
+you if you would like to go to the Assembly or the Patriarchs'. If you
+have no other engagement for that evening--and I think it would be
+policy for you to make others subservient to this--you should reply
+that you would be delighted to do so. Your host or hostess will then say
+that he or she will send you a ticket. This may be one way, or you may
+receive a note asking if you are free for that particular date, whether
+"would you like to go to the Assembly?" etc., or again, you might simply
+receive a note with a ticket. In any one of these cases, just as soon as
+you receive the ticket you must answer your correspondent immediately,
+accepting, or, if you can not go, regretting and returning it. You must
+remember that all tickets are personal and each Patriarch or each
+patroness has only a certain number.
+
+I would, if there were time between the date for the ball and the
+reception of your ticket, call or leave cards personally on your hostess
+or host for the evening, according to rules in a former chapter. I do
+not believe this is considered necessary in New York, and perhaps some
+people would think you were straining a point, but New York "society"
+manners to-day are not all that could be desired.
+
+The evening arrives. Balls and dances are theoretically supposed to
+begin at ten o'clock. You can safely go a little after eleven. You will
+be early enough. Your ticket is received, your hat and coat removed,
+your hat check given, and you proceed to the ballroom.
+
+It is almost needless for me to tell you how to dress for this occasion.
+At dances of any kind, formal evening dress is required.
+
+On entering the room, if it is at the Assembly, you will encounter a
+line of patronesses. You should make a low, sweeping bow to them and, if
+convenient, speak to your hostess, be it only a few words of greeting.
+If not at that time, select a later hour in the evening. No one shakes
+hands.
+
+You look around to find your friends and acquaintances. At the
+Patriarchs' the chaperons sit upon a raised platform, or dais, I might
+call it, all together. Their charges, once away from them, are around
+the rooms. In nearly all the cities, except New York, every guest is
+provided with a dancing card, which makes the keeping of dancing
+engagements a part of the festivity. New York is too large for such
+things, and dancing cards have been relegated to the realms of innocuous
+desuetude. However, if you are at a ball or a dance in another city
+where they are used, your first duty would be to have your engagements
+filled. You should remain with your partner after each dance until her
+next cavalier appears.
+
+New Yorkers are sensible, if only for this reason, for having banished
+the dance card. It is hard for a man to tell a woman he must leave her,
+but I think it is better by far to do so than to appear rude to your
+succeeding partner. A woman who has so little regard for you and such
+selfish consideration for herself does not deserve to be handled with
+gloves. And yet it needs a heroic soul to abandon her in a crowded
+ballroom, even if it is to lead her back to her chaperon.
+
+In New York everything is simplified. There exist no such social
+complications. Everybody is more or less grouped together, and you
+generally know in which part of the room you are to find your friends.
+You exchange greetings with the women you know, and if you wish to ask
+one of them to dance, you say, "May I have the pleasure of this turn
+with you?" or "Can I have a turn with you?" It is absolutely impossible
+to keep dance engagements, and you are obliged, perhaps, to snatch a
+dance whenever you can get it. After your turn you must always manage to
+stop at about the point where you began. You will be sure to find your
+partner's chaperon just at that place. There are two reasons for
+this--one is that the man with whom your partner has engaged weeks, if
+not months, before (one has to do this in New York) to dance the
+cotillon has reserved his chairs there, and she has told many of her
+friends just about in which part of the ballroom she may be found; and
+another is that New York women, under all circumstances, keep a
+distinctive place in a ballroom.
+
+A gentleman never dances without gloves. He always puts them on before
+entering the ballroom. A man should dance easily and gracefully, and
+look as if he were enjoying himself. He should be careful about guiding
+and not running into people. Swinging the hands is vulgar and unsightly.
+The waltz seems to survive all other forms of dancing, but there is
+every now and then a revival of the polka. Two steps and fancy dances
+are the vogue at summer hotels, but not at smart functions.
+
+The quadrille of to-day is the simple lancers, and some years ago it was
+a silly fad to pretend not to remember the figures. A little life and
+spirit are sometimes introduced in the lancers when the gathering is
+small, and among intimate friends there is more or less occasion for it.
+The barn dance has gone out of fashion entirely in America, but our
+English cousins, especially those living in the country and in Suburbia,
+are very fond of it. Balls frequently end with Sir Roger de Coverley,
+the English form of the Virginia reel.
+
+About two o'clock supper is announced, and this is done all over the
+world, I believe, by the strains of the Priests' March in Norma. So it
+was in my grandfather's day, and so it is to-day and was at the very
+last Patriarchs', the very last Assembly, and the very last large ball
+at Newport. Engagements for supper are made in New York weeks or even
+months beforehand. You should settle this with your partner, and as
+supper is served at tables of parties of four or six, an agreeable
+quartette or sextette can be secured. Parties are never less than four,
+and a girl who sups alone with a man, even at the Patriarchs', is
+considered very fast, and by such impudent behavior would lose caste.
+You should arrange with your partner, therefore, to be as near the
+supper-room door as possible about the supper hour. There is always a
+rush and a crush, and no tables are reserved except those for the
+patronesses or the Patriarchs. Two of the party should get in early and
+reserve the table and wait until the rest arrive. Ball suppers are
+nearly all alike. Four or five courses, which commence with oysters,
+are followed by bouillon, and then terrapin and birds, and salad and
+ices, fruit and coffee. Three kinds of wine are served, and champagne
+forms the chief. Many matrons even will not allow their daughters to go
+to supper without being chaperoned, and so when you ask your partner she
+will sometimes have her parents obtain the table. Should you be asked to
+the table of one of the patronesses, you will have a partner provided
+for you. Remember the first engagement should always be kept, and if a
+patroness should honor you with such an invitation, and you have made
+prior arrangements, you should at once explain by note your position,
+which will be a sufficient excuse to your would-be hostess.
+
+After supper the cotillon, or German, as it is sometimes called, is
+danced.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+THE COTILLON.
+
+
+At large balls, like the Patriarchs', there is hardly time for more than
+two or three figures and one favor figure. It is almost useless for me
+to go into the history of the cotillon, and I do not believe that it
+would be of any service to my readers. We imported it from France about
+the same time as the English, and it owes its origin, I believe, to
+Germany. For the past thirty years it has been a favorite form of dance.
+It is picturesque and amusing, and, besides, gives the opportunity for
+the exchange among the dancers of pretty trifles provided by the
+generosity of the host. At large semipublic balls like the Patriarchs'
+(I use "semipublic" simply because given by a number and not in a
+private house) the favors are very simple, but at special cotillons or
+at those danced at private houses they are extremely elaborate and
+costly.
+
+Cotillon seats are generally secured in the early part of the evening by
+tying handkerchiefs to the backs of the chairs. At the Patriarchs' and
+other large balls they can be secured by arrangement with one of the
+stewards, as each Patriarch has so many reserved for him, and the man
+invited by one of them can obtain permission and ask for two of his
+host's seats. But this is not usual, and is known as a "little trick of
+the trade."
+
+To be a successful leader of cotillons it requires the skill and the
+tact of a general--I might almost say of a Napoleon Bonaparte. One's
+talents should not be altogether in one's heels and one's toes. The
+leader must be an excellent dancer and a firm disciplinarian. He must
+see that the wall flowers have an occasional turn, and that every one
+gets at least one favor. As he has to marshal a large force of people he
+is bound to find among them--of course in the orthodox society manner--a
+few turbulent spirits, a few who would mutiny, and who must be taught
+their places in a conciliatory but positive manner.
+
+The cotillon in New York is generally danced after supper. It lasts
+about two hours. At large balls two figures are all that can be danced,
+owing to the number of guests. Sometimes it is led by two couples. A
+leader frequently dances stag--that is, without a partner. All men
+dancing without partners are called stags. These usually have their
+place by the door and are given their turn last. The leader must
+announce after supper the time for the cotillon to begin. He must see
+that the partners are all in their places. The favor table is generally
+placed at the end of the room opposite the doors, but this depends on
+the shape and the style of the apartment.
+
+Formerly a cotillon leader used a whistle for the different figures;
+to-day, however, he simply claps his hands to denote the changes.
+
+It is almost unnecessary here to illustrate the form of the cotillon. It
+consists in waltzes and sometimes polkas, danced by eight, ten, or
+twelve couples at a time. The couples are seated in chairs around the
+room, the men without partners known as the stags being near the door.
+The leader begins the first figure, which is usually the simplest one,
+by "taking out" or choosing a partner and motioning the first four, six,
+or eight couples with places nearest him on one or both sides of the
+room to rise. All waltz. After a turn around the room the leader stops
+and claps his hands. The partners all separate, and each of them goes
+and chooses a new one--the man a new woman, the woman who was his
+partner a new man. The figure is then arranged and danced. After the
+evolution required by the figure is finished there is another short
+waltz, and the dancers return to their places. The leader then calls out
+the next party, and this is repeated until every one in the room has had
+a turn. The stags are called out last. Having no partners to dance with,
+each has the privilege of taking out two ladies--the first before the
+figure is formed, and the second when the change of partners is
+signalled by the leader. The leader directs the figures and dances all
+the time.
+
+Every second figure is one for the distribution of favors. The same
+procedure occurs, and when the leader claps his hands the dancers
+separate, waiting for the favors to be distributed. The latest custom is
+for the leader and his partner to carry around the favors, to the
+couples whose turn comes next. He gives to the ladies, she to the men.
+The scramble at the favor table has been abolished. The men present
+their favors to the new partners whom they select, and the women do
+likewise. It is very embarrassing and not good form to give your favor
+to the partner with whom you are dancing the cotillon. Favors must be
+sufficient in quantity not only to go once all around, but there should
+be some left over, as the advent of the stags gives the ladies a double
+chance to bestow favors upon men. The most graceful way of offering a
+favor is to present it with a little bow. Try and locate the places
+where your friends are sitting. It is certainly rude, if not
+tantalizing, to search through a long row of girls dangling a favor. It
+is not difficult in the figures to become well acquainted with the local
+geography. Matrons are asked frequently to preside at the favor tables,
+but recently some of the floral trifles are brought in arranged in a
+sedan chair of flowers, at which two powdered lackeys are stationed,
+like the linkboys of old. Originality, however, has not been rampant in
+cotillons. Favor figures are the most popular. The woman who brings the
+greatest number of favors from a cotillon scores an undoubted triumph.
+She comes from the ballroom flushed and delighted, carrying with her the
+trophies of her victory, which she is pleased to call her "scalps."
+Social obligations are often paid off by men in this way.
+
+Of the few cotillon figures danced in New York society, the grand chain
+is the most popular and the simplest. The number of couples called by
+the leader form themselves in a ring around the room. At his signal
+they face each other and dance the right and left grand chain, the men
+to the right and the women to the left, until the original parties are
+brought together, when all waltz.
+
+The _Sir Roger de Coverley figure_ is formed in lines of four abreast,
+the men standing together on the inside, and the women next to their
+partners on the outside of the line. When the leader signals, the women
+advance quickly, one after the other, to the head of the line. The men
+then join hands, forming an arch, as in Sir Roger de Coverley; the
+women, passing under two by two, meeting their partners, waltz with
+them.
+
+In the snake figure--one which is very seldom danced--quite a large
+number of couples are called, who form a ring around the room. The
+leader, taking the hand of one of the men, breaks the chain, and the
+couples are wound around until they come together in a knot, when the
+signal is given to them to waltz. The wheel figure is somewhat similar,
+and is quite a romp.
+
+In the ring figure another evolution is borrowed from the lancers. Rings
+of four couples form through the room. The men raise their arms and the
+women pass through, dancing with the men in the next ring, and so on,
+until they get to the top of the room, the men remaining stationary.
+Then a grand march, men to the left, ladies to the right, is formed, and
+the partners meet and dance.
+
+The Maypole and all complicated figures which require the use of toys or
+_papier-maché_ articles are not in vogue in New York. In Paris these
+trifles, such as vegetables and heads of animals and other gewgaws, pass
+for favors, as well as to lend a variety to the cotillon. In New York
+very handsome souvenirs have superseded these.
+
+Frequently in large cotillons in New York the blank or nonfavor figures
+are danced only once without change of partners, as in the snake or
+grand chain; otherwise the cotillon would be interminable. The leader
+calls out a number of couples and goes through the figure at once, the
+original partners dancing all the time with each other. I have given
+both forms, and although the first explanation may seem to those who go
+out every year antiquated, it is still the vogue for small and
+consequently enjoyable cotillons.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+A BACHELOR'S LETTERS.
+
+
+Letter writing is an art, and there is no pleasure equal to that of
+receiving and reading a chatty and well-worded epistle from some dear
+friend. I have some packets of letters preserved to-day that I read and
+reread. They are always fresh and interesting to me. They are a complete
+index to the character of the writer, and they serve, after long years
+have passed, to bring up again delightful pictures of days and scenes
+which were brighter. However, there is one rule a man must observe:
+never keep a compromising letter--if you should receive one--especially
+from a woman. Sometimes women are foolish and careless, and they allow
+their pens to run away with them. They bitterly regret their folly, and
+the very idea that there exists somewhere a packet of letters which
+would bring serious trouble, if not ruin, upon them and those they love,
+is a cause of constant grief and worry. I know that there are letters
+written by one once dear, but now perhaps turned fickle or false, or
+separated from us forever, from which we feel loath to part; but we must
+be men and reduce to ashes what would hurt in the very least degree or
+cast a reflection upon an innocent if silly woman. Suppose you were to
+die suddenly, and among your papers these letters were found, with you
+alone, dumb in death, perhaps, only able to vindicate the unfortunate
+writer. We must think of those things. They belong to the _personnel_
+not only of a true gentleman, but they appeal to our common sense.
+
+Character is frequently judged by handwriting. Write a good, clear,
+legible hand, without any flourishes, and always use the best and the
+blackest of ink. The typewriter is employed only for business
+correspondence.
+
+For social correspondence use only Irish-linen white note paper,
+unruled, with square envelopes to match. Fancy or tinted note paper of
+any kind is vulgar. If you have a permanent residence your address can
+be legibly engraved in one color, usually blue or scarlet, at the head
+of the first sheet. If you are a member of a club, the club note paper
+is proper for all social correspondence. If you want to, use your crest
+in lieu of address, but this practice is somewhat strained in this
+country. Always add the date in writing. In letters, the day, the month,
+and the year should be written. In notes you only put the day--for
+instance, "Saturday the twenty-second." The best signature is "Sincerely
+yours," and not "Yours sincerely." In England the quaint "Faithfully
+yours" is used for business correspondence. Tradespeople and servants
+only sign "Respectfully yours."
+
+In America we "esquire" all men who are our equals. A butcher, a baker,
+a tailor or other person, when we order supplies, we address as "Mr."
+The abbreviation "Esq." is the usual form. In England you would write to
+a duke and address the letter "The Duke of Buckingham"; to a knight,
+"Sir Thomas Appleby"; to an earl or a marquis, "Lord Dufferin"--that is,
+supposing the letter would be a social one.
+
+In writing to a friend or in answer to an invitation or a note, you
+would begin, "My dear Mrs. Brown," "My dear Mr. Brown," or even "My dear
+Brown," but never "Dear Miss Brown," "Dear Mrs. Brown," or "Dear Brown,"
+unless you were on terms of great intimacy with them. But if the letter
+is a strictly business one, and the term "Sir" or "Sirs" is used, then
+you would be obliged to drop the possessive pronoun. A very formal or a
+business letter would begin thus:
+
+     _John Smith, Esq.,_
+        _# 22 Pacific Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y._
+
+     _Dear Sir_:
+
+and not "My dear Sir."
+
+A business letter to a woman demands, however, the possessive "My,"
+thus: "My dear Madam."
+
+To a firm, one writes:
+
+     _Messrs. John Smith & Co.,_
+        _Dear Sirs_:
+
+and never "Gentlemen"--a most ridiculous form of address.
+
+The clergy are addressed "Reverend and dear Sir." A bishop is "Right
+Reverend and dear Sir," and an archbishop "Most Reverend and dear Sir."
+In this republican country all other dignitaries can be addressed as
+"Dear Sir."
+
+Formal invitations are written in the third person, also letters
+addressed to tradespeople.
+
+The address on a letter should be written about the middle of the
+envelope, the street and number a little to the right, and the name of
+the city and State in the corner. All notes or letters to people in the
+same city should be directed simply with the post-office name without
+the State, unless it is a very small town, or it bears a name such as
+Augusta or Columbus, of which there are more than one in the United
+States. Thus:
+
+     _Mrs. John Brown,_
+        _# 227 Euclid Avenue,_
+                    _Cleveland._
+
+The stamp should be placed neatly in the right-hand corner. The mail
+to-day is almost the quickest means of delivery, and a special ten-cent
+stamp will insure, in a large city, a more prompt reception of your
+epistle than if you intrusted it to the tender mercies of a messenger
+boy.
+
+Your paper should fold once in the middle. There is nothing so awkward
+or so apt to give a bad impression as a letter improperly folded. It is
+bulky and unsightly. Private letters should always be sealed with wax,
+in color dark green or red. Black is used for mourning. In sealing a
+letter be careful to make a neat effect, and not to smear the wax all
+over the envelope. The seal is then stamped with your monogram, or, if
+you insist upon it, with your crest, but never with your coat of arms.
+For the purpose of sealing letters men use their seal rings or a little
+stamp which can be obtained at any silversmith's. When writing from the
+club you can use the club stamp. Business letters are moistened and
+gummed, a little damp sponge being used for this purpose. To moisten
+envelopes with the tongue is nasty.
+
+Letters written on hotel or business paper should be confined to the
+commercial world. Your friends and acquaintances should not receive
+them. Sometimes, when writing from a very interesting place to a very
+intimate friend or to relatives, hotel paper may be used, as you would
+like your correspondent to see a picture of the house at which you are
+stopping.
+
+Every gentleman should, however, carry in his portmanteau a flat
+portfolio with writing materials and a traveling inkstand.
+
+Your personal correspondence should be a reflection of yourself. Be
+pithy, bright, and witty. Give the news and innocent gossip, but beware
+of making statements in letters which you can not substantiate. Above
+all, think twice before you pen a harsh or an unkind word, even if a
+reproof be merited.
+
+In business letters be brief and to the point.
+
+There are two kinds of letters which sometimes puzzle the
+writer--letters of condolence and letters of congratulation. A letter of
+condolence--as will be explained in the chapter on Funerals--is due from
+you at the death of a near or dear friend to the relative or
+relatives--if you feel that you know them all well enough to address
+more than one epistle of sympathy--nearest and dearest to the deceased.
+Usually one letter is sufficient, but sometimes it may occur that you
+feel that you should also write to others. Make it as natural as
+possible. Avoid all stilted phrases and studied efforts at consolation.
+A few words is all that is necessary. If you have been on intimate terms
+with the family wire them your sympathy, and write a week or so
+afterward.
+
+Letters of congratulation are much easier to compose. On the occasion of
+the announcement of an engagement of a friend, or in answer to his
+letter announcing the happy event, or on the arrival of any good fortune
+to those of whom you are fond or for whom you have a high regard, a
+letter of congratulation is necessary or acceptable. All letters
+announcing sad or joyous news should receive an immediate reply.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+THE BACHELOR'S CLUB.
+
+
+Club life in America is a growth of recent years. It is now so firmly
+established, and it is so popular that there is not a village or even a
+settlement in the United States which has not at least its casino, or
+its little coterie organized for golf, tennis, athletic, or merely
+social enjoyment. All of these, from the great metropolitan clubs of the
+cities down to the very humblest in the "wilds," are governed by club
+laws and are regulated by club etiquette. In New York, now a city of
+clubs, this etiquette differs much from that observed in London, Paris,
+or any of the large continental centers. In London, a man is identified
+with his club. He rarely belongs to more than one, and his membership
+there denotes his social standing, his pursuits in life, and, above all,
+his politics. English clubs are also very jealous of admittance of
+strangers, and are not in the least hospitable to the foreigner. There
+are exceptions to this among the literary, theatrical, and Bohemian
+organizations, but the Pall Mall clubs are "closed." In New York,
+Boston, Chicago, and other American cities there are organizations which
+insist upon certain qualifications, such as being a university man, a
+lawyer, an author, a physician, or a member of a college fraternity, for
+admittance; but then the members also belong to other clubs, where their
+social standing, or perhaps the extent of their bank account, is their
+passport.
+
+If a man wishes to get on socially, he should belong to at least one
+good club. It gives him his standing in the community, and places him.
+He is no longer on the list of the unidentified.
+
+When a choice is made of a club which you desire to join, the next step
+would be to have two members in good standing to act as your
+sponsors--one proposes your name and the other seconds. A good sponsor
+is necessary, and you should choose one who has many friends in the
+organization of which you desire to become a member. The president,
+officers, and the governing committee are debarred from either proposing
+or seconding a name for membership. The term of a man's novitiate
+depends upon the state of the waiting list. Your proposer will notify
+you when your name will be reached, as he himself will be notified in
+writing by the committee on membership. The rules of candidacy differ in
+various clubs. In some, the name of the candidate with those of the two
+members proposing him is exposed in a conspicuous place where the entire
+club can see it. There is also a book in which other members sign the
+application, and the number of signatures, of course, has weight with
+the governors.
+
+Again, the name is inscribed in a book kept for the purpose in the
+steward's office, and it is not necessary that any other indorsement
+except that of your sponsors be made.
+
+Any member objecting to the name of a candidate has two methods by which
+he can make known his objection. One is to write directly to the
+governors, or to the committee on admissions and membership, whichever,
+according to the laws of the club, has the matter in hand. Usually it is
+the governing committee or board of governors. This communication is
+treated, as are all club matters, with the secrecy of the confessional.
+Your sponsors are written to and the objections stated, but the name of
+the person objecting is withheld. The other method is, if any one has an
+objection to your admission, that he should go at once in a manly way to
+one of your sponsors and state it. It is a rare occurrence in a New York
+club that any candidate is black-balled. The warning from the governing
+committee, or from another member to the sponsors, is a word to the
+wise, and the men who propose you should immediately withdraw your name
+to avoid a disaster. Otherwise a very great risk is run, as objections
+which have any foundation have great weight with the governing
+committee.
+
+In the clubs where the names of the candidates are kept only in a small
+book, while on the waiting list they are posted ten days before the
+election in a conspicuous part of the clubhouse. No candidate can be
+elected to a club who is not personally known to two or more members of
+the governing committee. A short time before election, if the candidate
+has not this acquaintance, it is the duty of his sponsors to take him
+around and introduce him, or to arrange that he will meet these
+gentlemen in some way; otherwise his name will go over; and after two
+setbacks of this kind, it will be rejected.
+
+On the election of a candidate--the balloting being done by the
+governing committee--the sponsors are notified, sometimes by posting and
+otherwise simply by letter. The secretary of the club will let the new
+member know immediately of his election, and the letter, which is
+usually a form, will also notify him that his admission fee and yearly
+dues are payable. The admission or entrance fee to a club is from one
+hundred to two hundred dollars in the well-known New York organizations,
+and the yearly dues are from seventy-five to one hundred dollars. These
+must be paid at once by check. The rules of most clubs allow a
+thirty-day limit. If you are so fortunate as to be admitted after the
+date of the yearly meeting, you will only be liable for one half the
+current yearly dues; otherwise you pay the entire amount.
+
+It is now the duty of the sponsors to introduce their newly elected
+candidate to the club. This is an easy matter. One of them will go with
+you, sit in the general smoking or lounging room, and make you
+acquainted with one or two of his friends. The responsibility is then
+over.
+
+Club etiquette is very simple. It is only the application of the usual
+rules of courtesy observed in private life. The club is your home. You
+should behave there as you would in your own house as host, and
+consequently your conduct toward your fellow-members should be
+characterized by the utmost consideration.
+
+The average clubhouse has a large room on the ground or first floor
+which is used for smoking, reading, the newspapers, and "living"
+generally. On the floors above there are the dining rooms, the library,
+and reading and card rooms. The billiard room occupies a special
+quarter, according to the plan of the house.
+
+A clever man said that there was but one rule of clubhouse etiquette
+different from the general laws of manners, and that was to keep your
+hat on. This is true, but then there are many others. Men do not take
+off their hats on entering a club, and do not remove them in any room
+except that in which they dine. All social clubs are more or less
+"closed." Visitors are only allowed under certain restrictions. The
+general rule is that a member may invite to the use of the club for a
+period of ten consecutive days any one not a resident of the city, but
+can have no more than one guest at a time. No stranger shall be
+introduced a second time unless he shall have been absent from the city
+three months. In some clubs a member may introduce as a visitor a
+resident of the city, but he can have no more than one such guest at a
+time. No person shall be introduced more than once in twelve months.
+Other clubs are open to the admission of visitors at certain periods,
+and others again have ladies' days, at which a reception to the fair
+friends of the members is given. All this depends on the rules of the
+club. As soon as you are made a member you are given a little book in
+which these are contained, and you should study them carefully. The name
+of a guest should be entered on the visitors' book with that of his
+host. If the visitor is put up for a certain period a card to the club
+is sent him, and during his stay he has all the privileges of a member.
+He can run up an account, but he should certainly settle it before his
+term expires, otherwise his host will be held responsible.
+
+A clubman never pays an attendant for refreshment or food served.
+Gratuities of any kind to servants are forbidden. When refreshment is
+required, you press the electric bell, of which there are a number in
+all the rooms, and the attendant comes to you for your order. When he
+brings it he has with it a check which you sign. These checks are, of
+course, debited to you, and you receive your bill once a month, or you
+can make arrangements to pay at the steward's or cashier's desk daily.
+
+You order your meals in the same manner, and when they are ready, the
+servant will notify you.
+
+At most of the clubs smoking is not permitted in the dining rooms until
+after nine, nor are refreshments allowed to be served in the visitors'
+room or library at any time. Books and magazines are not to be removed
+from the reading room or library, nor any publication belonging to the
+club from the clubhouse.
+
+There is still a prejudice against pipe smoking in many of the clubs,
+and you must consult the rules before you attempt this practice. A man
+does not remove his coat or sit in his shirtsleeves in any of the public
+rooms. An allowance, however, is made in the billiard room.
+
+The loud-voiced man is one of the nuisances of a club. Loud talking may
+be endured in the smoking or general room, but certainly not in the
+library or the reading rooms.
+
+The "kicker" is another objectionable person. He should remember that
+the best way of rectifying abuses is to send to the house committee all
+complaints of any deficiency in the service of the club, of overcharges,
+mistakes, or defects. The club is not a place to conduct one's
+commercial interests. Invitations and special correspondence can be
+conducted on club paper, but certainly it is a breach of club etiquette
+to use it for business purposes.
+
+The man who bows to a woman from a club window is not a gentleman. By
+this action he fastens upon her the most disgraceful odium one of her
+sex can bear.
+
+The name of a woman should never be whispered in a club unless it is to
+say something complimentary of her. Even this is not in good taste.
+
+It is not club etiquette to "treat." You can do so if you desire, but
+you are not obliged to follow this inane custom, which is born of
+bar-room ethics.
+
+All the affairs of a club must be regarded in strict confidence. Under
+no consideration should that which has occurred within these sacred
+portals be divulged to outsiders.
+
+Once a year--usually at Christmas--a subscription is taken up for the
+employees and servants. From five to ten dollars is the proper amount to
+give.
+
+A few clubs have a ladies' restaurant attached, where members may take
+their families or give dinners, or where the wives of members have the
+privilege of giving luncheons or other entertainments. Otherwise ladies
+are not admitted to the privileges of the clubhouse, except on ladies'
+days, and where there is an "annex" they can only avail themselves of
+that part set aside for their convenience upon the authority of a
+member.
+
+These rules pertaining to the general government of clubs have been
+compiled from the constitution and by-laws of the Union, Metropolitan,
+Knickerbocker, Calumet, and Manhattan Clubs of New York. The
+constitutions of the Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, Chicago, San
+Francisco, and other clubs are almost identical.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+THE SPORTING BACHELOR.
+
+
+_Driving._--Driving really comprises coaching as well as the tandem.
+
+A man who has any pretensions whatever to keeping his own horses or
+driving should be judged by the appearance of his traps. He submits
+himself to what one, to-day, might call the X-ray of criticism. He
+enters a field, and he must be weighed in the balance and his position
+defined by the standard of his associates. I know of no other city in
+the world where there are better groomed horses and better turned out
+equipages than in New York. The American in Hyde Park is shocked at the
+appearance of the traps in that famous driveway of fashion, and his
+national pride is gratified by observing that the smartest are of
+American makes. As to Paris, it is simply beyond the pale of criticism,
+the private turnouts, such as they are, being almost lost in a sea of
+dirty, disgraceful _fiacres_.
+
+In the first place, your horses must be well groomed, their hoofs
+blackened, and their tails properly banged. I do not intend here to
+enter a discussion concerning the cruelty of docking horses' tails. The
+social law is without exception. Horses with long tails are impossible.
+I believe banging is not accompanied by any physical pain.
+
+The harness, the trap itself, the coachman, and groom or grooms should
+be as immaculate as the horses. There should not be a single item out of
+gear. Every detail must be perfect. Choose some individual color for
+your traps, and never change the colors of your stable any more than you
+would your liveries. I have discussed fully in the chapter on Servants
+the duties of coachmen and grooms, and I refer the reader to that
+section of this book for information concerning liveries and the human
+_personnel_ of your trap.
+
+As to the color of your horses you should consult the fashion of the
+moment. To-day grays and bays are matched, and a person in half mourning
+recently appeared on a leading thoroughfare with a black trap and
+harness and white horses.
+
+A bachelor, however, should court simplicity, and I do not even approve
+of an equipage with two men on the box for an unmarried man. In fact I
+do not know of a single bachelor who has such a turnout.
+
+A coach, a tandem, a drag, or any of the array of fashionable carts, or
+a private hansom should limit the list.
+
+Coolness and absolute confidence are the requisite virtues of good
+driving.
+
+The driver salutes always with the whip; those on the coach with him or
+in the trap bow.
+
+Dress for driving in the city is usually that of afternoon, and a high
+hat is indispensable. Sometimes the huge gray coats with large buttons
+and a gray topper are worn. Dogskin driving gloves and driving boots
+complete the costume. In the country one wears tweed or Scotch cheviot
+and a Derby hat. The man who drives mounts last, his horses' heads being
+held by the groom. His whip should be in its socket; the reins loosely
+thrown over the horses' backs. He should spring into his seat and start
+immediately.
+
+There is a certain smartness in driving, in the way you manage your
+whip, your horses, and the many other details, which it is the province
+of a good master of the sport to teach you.
+
+The fashionable hour for driving in New York is from three to five, and
+the drive the Park. At Newport one drives both in the morning and
+evening.
+
+Remember, however, that the secret of your mastery over your stables
+should be your perfect knowledge of every detail. If you are a novice
+you should begin by learning the name and use of each part of your
+harness. You should be able to tell at a glance if everything is right,
+and you can not be too severe if anything is out of gear or the animals
+are not properly groomed. The best position on the box is a firm seat
+with your feet close together. Drive with one hand and keep the whip
+hand free, except for its legitimate use in touching your horses now and
+then, and in saluting.
+
+A man always sits with his back to the horses in a Victoria, or any
+other four-seated vehicle, when there are two ladies with him. When
+there is only one he sits by her side. He alights first with a view to
+assisting the ladies. He gets in last.
+
+It is not good form in New York for unmarried couples to drive together,
+unaccompanied by a chaperon. It is permitted at Newport and the country
+and seaside resorts, but a groom always sits on the back seat. In this
+case the woman is frequently the whip.
+
+A man and a woman may drive together in the city in a hansom, although
+this is considered unconventional. Buggy driving is not in vogue in New
+York.
+
+_Riding_, since the advent of the wheel, is not as fashionable an
+amusement in cities as formerly.
+
+Riding classes, which meet two evenings during the week, usually in the
+Lenten season, are still very popular. These gatherings take place at a
+riding academy, and a competent riding master is in charge.
+
+When riding with a woman, a man should always be at her right. A woman's
+riding habit falls to the left and she is mounted from the left. In
+assisting her to mount, which, even when a groom is present, is the
+gallant thing to do, a man should grasp the bridle with the left hand
+and hold his right so that she can step into it. The woman puts her left
+foot, therefore, in a man's right hand, and holds to the pommel with her
+right hand. The escort gives his arm a slight spring, and with a
+corresponding action on the part of the fair equestrienne, she is
+lifted into the saddle. The man faces the near side of the horse, or the
+left. He takes the reins in his right hand and with it grasps the pommel
+of the saddle, shortening the reins until he feels the mouth of the
+horse. He inserts the left foot in the stirrup and springs into the
+saddle.
+
+In speaking of a pommel, I wish it understood that the English saddle is
+used, which has no visible pommel, but that part of it is still called
+by the name in lieu of another term.
+
+A good rider should never mount from a horse block or a fence. The
+English mode of riding is fashionable. The smart pace is a short canter.
+In trotting, a man may rise to the trot. Squaring the elbows is a trifle
+vulgar and obsolete. In meeting acquaintances, a man should bow. A man
+accompanying a lady should always keep pace with her, and never either
+go ahead or let his horse fall behind. A man riding alone should never
+pass or catch up with a woman unattended.
+
+When one rides in New York it is only in the morning. Afternoon riding
+in the Park is not the vogue it was. The New Yorker dislikes to dress up
+in any special costume, so that for years the fashionable afternoon
+riding costume was a black cutaway or morning coat, ordinary trousers
+strapped under the ordinary walking boot, top hat, and gloves, but the
+present riding costume for the morning in New York and the country
+consists of whipcord or corduroy riding breeches and jacket, brown
+leather waistcoat, brown Derby hat, boots or leggings, and dark gloves.
+You can wear this in the afternoon, but the ordinary costume is
+considered smarter and more convenient. Men in New York only ride in the
+Park, and many of them do not belong to riding academies or have
+lockers. A complete change of costume is not convenient, and you never
+see a New York clubman on the streets in riding togs. The evening
+classes always end with a supper and a dance. The woman's habit is
+easily changed, but to appear at night in riding costume or with boots
+in a drawing room is certainly absurd. To wear evening dress on
+horseback, even a Tuxedo coat, is also outlandish, and thus the
+compromise has been effected, and the old black diagonal cutaway brought
+into use.
+
+_Riding to hounds_ requires special knowledge as to the rules and the
+etiquette of the different hunts. These vary. The meet is generally at
+some farm or country house, and you are expected to appear in the
+regulation hunt colors. The orthodox costume is morning coat, white or
+fancy waistcoat, riding breeches, top boots, crop, top hat, and hunting
+scarf. The master of the hounds should wear a red or scarlet frock coat
+and hunting cap. After the hunt there is a breakfast, and several times
+during the year a ball. At the latter festivity, members of the club
+should wear their scarlet evening coats.
+
+_Coaching_ is yet another of the intricate arts. I will give a few
+points to the novice. The place of honor is the box seat and should be
+given to a lady, when ladies are of the party.
+
+If a bachelor is a good whip, a coaching party is an excellent way for
+him to entertain. The start should be from some fashionable locality in
+town, and eight or ten is a large party. It is needless for me to call
+the attention of a whip to the importance of his drag and horses and
+appointments being perfect. During the progress of the coach the guard
+who sits in the rear blows his horn at regular intervals. A bugle or
+cornet is not good form, although I have heard it in small towns.
+
+It may seem elementary, but for the requirements of those who have never
+coached I might as well state that the guests sit on the top and not
+inside the coach. A neat and serviceable team may be made with two
+browns as leaders and a brown and a bay as wheelers. To the novice the
+names of these will indicate their position.
+
+A coaching route should be about ten to fifteen miles. A halt is made at
+a country club, of which the host is a member, or a hotel, where
+luncheon is served. The _menu_ consists of the usual comestibles with
+plenty of champagne. Two hours altogether are allowed for rest, and then
+the start homeward is made. The whip should wear driving costume, with
+gray or black high hat. The men guests can be dressed in morning
+costume, tweeds, and Derby hats, unless the occasion is one of
+formality, such as a coaching parade, when one should don afternoon
+dress. The general etiquette of driving applies to coaching.
+
+_Wheeling_ is the popular and fashionable amusement at present writing,
+and it bids fair to continue so until quite late in the twentieth
+century. As yet there are no special rules of etiquette for this new
+sport, except that which would govern its dress. Otherwise there are the
+rules of the road--keeping and turning to the right--and the extending
+by gentlemen of those civilities which they should never forget to the
+fair sex, and consideration for their fellow-men. A man should always
+wait for a lady to mount, holding the bicycle. He should ride at her
+left, keeping pace with her, and sufficiently near to be of assistance
+in case of an accident. He should dismount first and help her to do so
+if necessary. The present fashionable costume for cycling consists of
+tweed knickers and short lounge jacket of same material, brown leather
+or linen waistcoat, colored shirt, with white turn-down collar and club
+tie, golf stockings, and low-quartered tan wheeling shoes. A cap of
+tweed to match the suit completes the rig. At cycling clubs black small
+clothes with dinner jacket may be worn, but as yet it is not the
+prevailing fashion.
+
+In summer very natty wheeling costumes are made of linen or crash.
+
+One word more as to wheeling. Owing to its popularity, many have sought
+to make it vulgar and common. An idea that a man has the privilege of
+addressing any woman on a bicycle is most erroneous. You would not offer
+such an impertinence to an equestrienne, and you must remember that a
+"wheel" is only a metal horse. To catch up with or pass unchaperoned or
+unescorted women wheelers is as much a breach of etiquette as to be
+guilty of the same vulgarity toward an unaccompanied Amazon.
+
+_Shooting_ deserves a few words, although shooting parties in the
+acceptance of the foreign and British entertainments have as yet but few
+counterparts in this country. Men chase the aniseed bag or an imported
+fox when riding to hounds, and when they take gun in hand it is for the
+purpose of hunting big game, such as one would obtain in the
+Adirondacks, in the Rockies, in the Southern swamp lands, and in the
+wilderness of Canada. In England you may be invited for the shooting.
+The start is in the morning, in a party accompanied by the gamekeepers.
+The birds are flurried, the guns are loaded by your special attendant,
+and you only pause in your work of destruction for luncheon, which is
+served somewhere in the woods or on the moors. You are expected to be at
+the house about four, where, after changing your clothes, you appear in
+the drawing room for tea. You are cautioned in these parties, in order
+to avoid accident, before crossing a hedge, gate, or any other obstacle,
+to remove your cartridges. You are to be unusually careful in the manner
+of holding your gun, and should certainly not flourish it around or
+point it at any living thing, save that which it is intended to kill.
+Guns used as walking sticks or props to take flying leaps or other
+extraordinary purposes are the assinine diversions of some idiots. In
+England a position is assigned to you. It is etiquette to remain in it,
+shooting in a liberal and sportsmanlike spirit, accepting shots as they
+come. The gamekeepers expect a tip at the end of the visit. The correct
+dress is loose jacket, knicker corduroy breeches, stout ribbed
+stockings, and box-cloth leggings. Heavy russet boots and a cloth
+shooting cap are also worn.
+
+_Bowls_ is a favorite game in the country, and during the Lenten season
+in New York, where there are a number of clubs formed for its enjoyment.
+
+Although the sessions are in the evening, the men dress at clubs in
+_mufti_ or _negligé_, the golf or cycling suits being the favorites.
+When you are asked to play bowls at a private house, and when there is a
+dance to follow, or when you are asked to a "bowling party," it is
+perhaps better form to wear your dinner jacket or Tuxedo, as there will
+be supper and dancing afterward. The presence of ladies will not deter
+you from wearing on an occasion like this demitoilet or dinner jacket,
+as there is a certain informality about all athletic sports. The same
+may be said of _badminton_, another favorite Lenten game, played
+somewhat after the manner of tennis. The difference is that instead of
+racquet and ball, battledore and shuttlecock are used.
+
+For _skating_, even at a rink on artificial ice, golf costume or _mufti_
+is good form.
+
+_Polo_ has likewise no code of etiquette not connected with the rules of
+the game. The dress for polo includes buckskin knee breeches, flannel or
+madras shirt with low turn-down collar, top riding boots, and polo cap.
+
+
+YACHTING, BOATING, BATHING, TENNIS, AND RACING.
+
+A yacht in commission is the most expensive and luxurious toy a man can
+have. No one but a millionaire can afford it. True, as in other
+possessions, there are degrees, and consequently there are yachts and
+yachts. Only large schooner or steam yachts, however, are adaptable for
+entertaining. A man's yacht is indeed his castle, and the host has only
+to follow the rules which govern social functions to be perfect in this
+delightful method of entertaining. Yet there are a few little details of
+which it would be prudent to speak. The proper entertainments for a
+yacht in harbor are luncheons, dinners, dances, and short cruises. None
+of these should be elaborate, the yacht itself--a thing of joy and
+beauty--being alone a great attraction.
+
+Your sailors should meet the people invited at the dock in the cutter,
+and row them to the place where your yacht rides at anchor. You should
+be at the gangway ready to receive them. The same order should be
+observed on their leaving.
+
+During a club cruise there are several formalities to be observed. You
+are then as if under military or naval orders. The commodore should be
+treated with the same consideration as an admiral. You should not appear
+before him except in the uniform of the club, and you should always
+salute him on passing, and he should have precedence at all
+entertainments.
+
+Yachting dress for men consists in either blue flannel or serge suit, or
+weather pilot or pea-jacket of rough cloth or "witney," or blue serge or
+flannel coat with naval white duck trousers. The cap, blue or white
+cloth or duck. White flannels are also worn, but they are not so
+appropriate. In the evening, usual formal landsman's costume.
+
+There are a few rules of practical yachting which are so intimately
+connected with etiquette that, although it is not exactly in my
+province, I propose to give a summary of them here; they may be useful,
+and may serve my reader a good turn. I take the regulations of the New
+York Yacht Club for my guide. It is without doubt the leading yachting
+organization of this country.
+
+When on a cruise, all yachts belonging to a club should hoist their
+colors at eight o'clock A. M. and haul them down at sunset, taking time
+from the senior officer present in port, if there should be one. Between
+sunset and colors they should carry a night pennant. Guns should only be
+fired on setting or hauling down the colors, except by the yacht giving
+the time, nor between sunset and colors, nor on Sunday, and the rules of
+many yacht clubs insist on these formalities being observed whether a
+yacht is on a cruise or not.
+
+The senior officer in port should be in command, and should make colors
+and sunset and return salutes and visits, etc. His yacht should remain
+the station vessel until a senior to him in rank arrives, when such
+senior should assume the duties of the anchorage.
+
+Flag officers should display their pennants while in commission, except
+when absent for more than forty-eight hours. In this case their private
+signal should be hoisted. A blue rectangular flag at the starboard
+spreader should be displayed when the owner is not on board.
+
+All salutes should be returned in kind. Yachts of all clubs should
+always salute vessels of the United States Navy. Yachts passing at sea
+should salute each other, juniors saluting first. This is done by
+dipping the ensign three times or by firing a gun, followed by dipping
+the ensign. Arriving in harbor after sunset or on Sunday the salute
+should be made the first thing next morning.
+
+When a squadron or a cruising expedition enters a port or anchorage and
+finds there a foreign yacht, the senior officer of the squadron or
+cruise should send its owner a tender of the civilities of the club. All
+vessels are considered foreign not belonging to the interstate squadron,
+or to a club not included in the association of yachts to which your
+vessel and you belong.
+
+Of course I have only skimmed through the sailing and saluting
+regulations. You are supposed to have a book of your club, which will
+give them to you, and you are bound to follow the rules laid down
+therein.
+
+As a rule, the commodore of a yacht club wears on his cap an anchor one
+inch and a half in diameter, placed horizontally, embroidered in gold,
+with a silver star of half an inch diameter at each end of and above the
+anchor. A vice commodore wears only a single star; captains two crossed
+foul anchors. The dress uniform of most yacht clubs is a plain blue or
+black dress coat, a white dress waistcoat, each with the club button in
+gilt; blue or white trousers with cravat black or white. The undress
+consists of a double-breasted sack coat of blue cloth, serge, or
+flannel, blue or white waistcoat, each with the black club button;
+trousers of same material, or of white drill. The commodore has five
+black silk stripes on his cuff, the vice commodore four, the rear
+commodore three, the captain and other officers two, and the members
+one.
+
+Your crew should wear shirts of blue flannel or white linen with wide
+blue cuffs and collars, stitched with blue or white thread.
+Handkerchiefs should be of black silk, caps of blue cloth without visor;
+straw hats with black ribbon can be used for summer. The name of the
+yacht must be worked on the breast of the shirt, or printed upon the
+band of the cap or the ribbon of the hat. The trousers should be of
+blue flannel or white linen duck. No braces are worn.
+
+
+GOLF.
+
+The etiquette of golf is incorporated, more or less, with the
+technicalities of the rules governing the game. I do not intend to go
+into these, but to give a few hints to the novice, to prevent him, if
+possible, committing solecisms.
+
+Golf has a vocabulary of its own. The "grounds" on which the game is
+played is a stretch of rather rough country, abounding in hills,
+hillocks, and sandy downs, and is known by no other name but the
+"links."
+
+The game is usually played by two persons, but it can be by more. It
+consists in driving a ball, small and black, or painted red for the
+winter snows, along a route laid out by a series of holes to a goal,
+with a selection of clubs with metal ends. A small boy carries these
+clubs around for the players. He is called the "caddie."
+
+The clubs have various names and various uses. They are for propelling
+or driving the ball, according to the rules of the game. They are the
+driver, long spoon, short spoon, putter, iron putter, cleek, iron,
+niblick, brassey, lofting iron, and mashie.
+
+A "tee" is a small mound of sand or earth upon which the ball rests. As
+before explained, the ball is propelled or driven from the tee into one
+of the holes. The term "putting" is applied to the locality in which
+this operation of driving the ball into the hole takes place.
+
+The etiquette of the spectator is embraced in the common-sense essential
+of being an onlooker and nothing more. Silence is golden. Advice and
+comment, should you profess to know anything about the game, are brazen.
+Be considerate; do not interfere with the comfort of the players. As at
+billiards, the stroke should be made in utter silence. The golf "links"
+is not a place for criticism, and if you are allowed to follow the
+players around, you must control your feelings alike when enthusiastic
+or when contemptuous. Besides being a breach of good manners, remember
+that golf is more or less an outdoor game of whist.
+
+Golf is the easiest game at which to cheat, but as it is a sport in the
+_repertoire_ of a gentleman, it would seem almost an insult to hint at
+such a contingency. However, apart from the moral effect of cheating at
+any game, if a man is dead to all sense of honor, he should be alive to
+the fear of being found out. Such discovery means social ostracism.
+
+The proper golf costume is based on common sense. The man who rigs
+himself up for this or any other sport in what he considers the most
+approved style is either a very bad player or a novice. The
+championships have been won by men wearing their ordinary street
+costumes or business lounge suits. The English and Scotch golf dress,
+however, is sack coat, knickers without leather extensions, and a plain
+tweed shooting cap. The shirt is white madras, soft, unstarched bosom,
+with a golf stock or Ascot. Golf shoes or boots are of heavy russet or
+black leather. The hose has a long ribbed top, which is turned over,
+forming a sort of heavy band on the calf of the leg. It is made of heavy
+worsted, plain or ribbed. This costume will do for winter in the English
+climate, when you can not employ too heavy tweeds in the north and west.
+The American costume, however, is made of lighter tweeds for the spring
+and autumn, and of brown linen or holland for the summer. As yet, except
+in one or two localities, golf is not generally played in winter, except
+by enthusiasts.
+
+At a match, golfers wear their club uniform coats, which are made of
+hunting pink with brass buttons. The club dress uniform is full and
+proper dress for all golf functions, such as dinners and dances and
+receptions. For golf club evening functions, black silk or lisle thread
+stockings and pumps and black knickers would be appropriate dress. This
+will be regulated by the rules of the club.
+
+
+BOATING AND BATHING, TENNIS AND RACING.
+
+But a word, and this on costume. The proper dress in England, where
+boating is a social amusement, is the blazer madras shirt with white
+linen all-around collars and madras cuffs, same material as shirt, white
+duck trousers, and straw hat with colored ribbons.
+
+For bathing, the present ocean costume is all plain, one dark-color
+two-piece suits, short trousers coming to the knees, and jersey with
+very short sleeves.
+
+For tennis, which I have omitted in the category of sports, as there is
+no peculiar etiquette attached, you should wear white duck trousers, a
+white madras shirt, white flannel coat, plain or finely striped, and
+straw hat or flannel cap to match coat. The straw hat was in vogue last
+summer.
+
+In England many men wear gray vicuña frock coats to the races. About
+this costume, however, in America, where races are but seldom social
+functions, you must be guided by the season, circumstances, and place.
+Of course, a top hat must be worn with any species of frock coat, but
+the gray top hat has gone out of fashion.
+
+_Gymkhana_ races are burlesque affairs imported from India. The
+participants are dressed in grotesque fancy costumes, and are obliged to
+race holding umbrellas, toy balloons, or some other absurdity. They are
+in great favor at summer watering places.
+
+
+BILLIARDS.
+
+The etiquette of this popular pastime is possibly embraced in the
+general maxim of "the extending of the utmost consideration for others."
+
+Billiards constitutes quite an important factor in club life, and should
+have been included in the chapter on that subject but for the fact that
+so many private houses have billiard rooms, and the game is better
+classified with the different sports of a bachelor.
+
+At the club it is allowable to play the game _sans_ one's coat, or in
+shirt sleeves. The billiard room is a place where one can be
+unconventional. Order, however, in a match game especially, should be
+strictly maintained. The severe English rule at clubs, under such
+circumstances, requires the man who has played his stroke "to retire to
+a reasonable distance, and keep out of the line of sight" (_vide_ the
+Badminton treatise on the game). Orders for drinks to the waiter, loud
+talking, criticism of the play, lighting pipes and cigars--the latter
+being only generally allowed in New York club billiard rooms--are all
+offenses against etiquette.
+
+In private houses it is certainly a breach of good manners to bolt into
+a billiard room while a game is in progress, except between the strokes,
+and this period can be easily ascertained by listening at the door. The
+ideal game is conducted with strict observance of the etiquette of the
+room. It is, according to the same Badminton authority, a game during
+the progress of which neither player smokes nor interrupts the other,
+and spectators are generally courteous, silent, and impartial. In a
+private house where ladies are apt to be present and to be players,
+shirt sleeves are certainly not tolerated. The dinner coat is useful on
+these occasions. Smoking is permissible if the hostess consents.
+
+The etiquette of cards calls for but a word. Whist means silence. No
+gentleman quarrels with a billiard marker or a golf caddie; still less
+should he dispute a point at cards. Better lose, especially when women
+are present, than enter a controversy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD.
+
+
+To seem entirely at one's ease is the best maxim I can give for
+traveling. You can not actually pretend to experience that which may be
+totally lacking, but by making yourself comfortable you will increase
+the pleasure of others. There is, in these days of luxurious traveling,
+but little occasion to be flurried, and no excuse whatever for not being
+as well dressed as you are calm and self-possessed. Dress means a great
+deal, and if you have not a servant with you it will simply require a
+little care at the commencement to insure your entire freedom from all
+annoyance.
+
+As I have already observed in a previous chapter, in a long journey it
+would be better to take more than one trunk, but even if you have but
+the one you should carry also a bag with your toilet articles. A
+dressing bag is most requisite, and if you can not afford this you
+could have an ordinary bag, or even a "dress suit" case, fitted up with
+the necessary appliances of the toilet. These, it is almost absurd to
+state, consist of your razors, tooth and nail brushes, combs and
+hairbrushes, individual soap, and a few small vials of very useful
+physic, such as Jamaica ginger, Pond's extract, liver pills, cologne,
+and, if you do not carry it in your pocket, a brandy flask. There are
+times when this is absolutely necessary. In my dressing bag, if
+possible, I would take my pyjamas, so as to be perfectly equipped for
+the night, in case, at the end of my journey, I could not get at my
+trunk. Overcoats, waterproof coat, umbrellas, walking sticks, etc.,
+should be carried in a shawl strap, where you could also have a novel or
+so, or a budget of interesting newspapers or magazines. For short
+railway or steamer journeys, the best dress is the ordinary lounge or
+morning sack suit, with a soft felt or Hombourg hat. Gloves are
+necessary. Tan or gray suede is the most correct. In winter an ulster
+should be worn. Select for sea or for ocean voyages the warmest lounge
+suit you have, or, if you feel more disposed, a warm tweed knickerbocker
+suit, such as you wear for golf. I think it is a good principle to put
+on your old clothes at sea. Only very vulgar people dress for this
+occasion. For late dinner on the ship I would have a black cutaway coat
+and a light tie. I believe men must change their clothes before dinner
+at all places and under all circumstances. Russet shoes are worn.
+
+Do not hurry. Have your tickets purchased in time, and arrive at a train
+so that you will have fully five minutes in which to check your luggage.
+
+On an ocean voyage, if the ship is going to leave at an early hour in
+the morning, go on board the night before. Farewell suppers are like
+greetings in tugboats and other vulgar celebrations, the meed of the
+second-class politician. Arrange with your banker for letters of credit,
+and take with you just sufficient small change to carry you comfortably
+and pay your little expenses, with one note of a larger denomination in
+case of accident. Do not get your money changed on the ship. It is
+effected at a very high rate of discount. Thus on English ships--the
+Cunard, White Star, Anchor, and Allan lines--English currency is used.
+The Hamburg and the North German Lloyd employ German, and the
+Transatlantique, French. Your steamer trunk and your bag and shawl strap
+should be placed in the cabin with you. Steamer chairs, in these days,
+can be hired. Do not carry one around with you. It is a nuisance. On the
+ocean steamers the steward will attend to your little wants, and prepare
+your bath for you in the morning, for which there is a fee, I think, of
+twenty-five cents a day. It is customary on leaving a ship to give
+gratuities to servants. To the cabin steward on English ships, ten
+shillings, the head steward ten shillings, and your waiter ten
+shillings. On others, for a six days' voyage, a fee equal to two dollars
+should be given to your waiter and your cabin steward and to the head
+steward. Servants abroad are feed on a regular tariff, which you will
+find in the guidebooks. In this country the drawing-car fiend expects
+twenty-five cents for a day's journey; fifty cents to a dollar for
+longer and more extended service. At American hotels the waiters are
+tipped when you leave, and a small gratuity given to chambermaids.
+
+Courtesy, especially to women, is the one thing expected from every
+gentleman who travels, and if you can assist any one in distress by
+advice or by help of any kind do so, particularly if it is an
+unprotected woman. But be very guarded in making new acquaintances. Such
+as are picked up on the steamer, for instance, can be dropped as soon
+as you land. Beware of the cardroom and the poker sharps who travel on
+the great liners. Make it a rule, if you will play for money, never to
+do so with strangers.
+
+When traveling with a lady, always carry her bag and assist her in and
+out of the trains. Your behavior is on its mettle under these
+circumstances, and traveling is very apt to be like a mustard plaster,
+bringing out both the good and evil attributes of a man.
+
+The subject of foreign travel also needs a few words as well as a bit of
+general advice. English customs and our own are so much alike that it
+would be strange, indeed, if an American could not get along in the land
+where his own tongue is spoken. One of the first difficulties which once
+beset traveling Americans in London was the regulation in theaters that
+the audience, or that part of it occupying the best stalls, should be in
+evening dress. As evening dress is now also the rule in New York, this
+quandary is a thing of the past. Programmes at many of the English
+theaters are now free, where some years ago it was customary to sell
+bills of the play for sixpence.
+
+The feeing of servants at hotels, however, continues, and we yet have
+the charge on hotel bills for service. You are expected to give
+something to the hall porter, to your waiter, to the boots, and to the
+chambermaid. The amount of these fees differs according to the length of
+your stay. I should say a half crown to the porter and less sums to the
+others.
+
+In London a shilling a mile is the accepted price for cabs within a
+certain metropolitan radius called the "circle." "Thrupence" or sixpence
+extra is the tip "to drink your health."
+
+Afternoon dress is the correct attire for the park after midday, and
+cabs and hansoms are not seen on the Row during riding and driving
+hours.
+
+In Paris you may wear a blue blouse and make the turn of the Bois in a
+_fiacre_. The tariff there is two francs an hour, or two francs fifty
+per course, from one place to another. The _pourboire_ is fifty
+centimes.
+
+In France the _pourboire_ is a veritable tax, as it is in Italy and in
+the Latin countries. In Germany the mark is equal to about twenty-five
+cents of our money, and it will go a long way. Ten marks will fee a
+houseful of servants.
+
+At the station in Paris fifty centimes is given to the porter. The
+"commissionnaire" at the hotel expects fifty centimes. Waiters'
+_pourboires_ are eighty-five centimes at breakfast, and at dinner a
+franc. In a _café_ they are twenty-five centimes.
+
+The woman at the theater who puts a footstool under your feet expects
+one franc, and at many of the playhouses she must be feed for a reserved
+seat.
+
+In Paris the orchestra stalls are occupied only by men. At the opera
+during the season evening dress in the boxes and stalls is, of course,
+_de rigueur_. At the Comédie Française on Tuesdays and at the Odéon on
+Thursdays you must be in evening dress in order to gain admittance.
+
+Chairs are sold in Paris at the Catholic churches, and in both the
+London and Paris parks seats can be hired for a few pennies or sous.
+
+In Paris omnibuses only the seating capacity is allowed. When the
+omnibus is full, a sign, "_Complet_," is fastened on the outside.
+
+At the gates of each small town in France the _octroi_, or impost,
+levies on articles of food brought in, and the customhouse in England
+seizes all American reprints of English books. There, as well as in
+France, spirits and tobacco are dutiable.
+
+It is only civil to bow when passing the Prince of Wales or members of
+the royal family. In Paris every hat is removed when a hearse passes, as
+also in Italy. In Germany the hat is removed when the emperor passes.
+
+Passports are necessary for Russian and Eastern travel.
+
+All large functions on the Continent, no matter what time of the day
+they occur, demand evening dress. In Paris the bridegroom at a wedding
+in the afternoon wears evening dress, as well as the chief male mourner
+at a funeral, but the others present do not. This does not apply to
+groomsmen and honorary pallbearers, who are in evening dress. In
+Germany, Austria, and Italy, wherever royalty appears, evening dress is
+necessary. At the audiences granted by the Pope all men must be in
+evening dress, and the women in dark gowns and veils.
+
+The Queen of England, the Princess of Wales, and all other female
+members of the royal family are addressed as "Ma'am"; the Prince of
+Wales and the male members as "Sir," and never, except by tradesmen, as
+"Your Royal Highness."
+
+The English dukes are addressed simply as "Duke" and not as "Your
+Grace"; a marquis is "Lord" and a marchioness "Lady." Younger sons of
+dukes should be spoken of as lord. A French duke and duchess are
+addressed as "Monsieur" and "Madame." In Germany one drops the Von when
+addressing a nobleman who has that title, but when you write to him you
+must give him his full credentials.
+
+A foreign bishop is always addressed as "My Lord" and a cardinal as
+"Your Eminence."
+
+The etiquette at a house where the Prince of Wales or a member of the
+royal family in England visits is rigorous, and on the Continent, when
+royalty is present, it is even more severe. The prince is never
+addressed unless he speaks to you. He alone has the privilege of
+changing the subject of conversation, and all plans for the day's
+recreation are submitted to him.
+
+These observations are, of course, very general, but the average
+American to-day is at home in Europe. He should only remember the old
+adage to do in Rome as the Romans do, and he will not be much
+embarrassed by foreign customs and habits.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+THE ENGAGED BACHELOR.
+
+
+The etiquette of engagements is simple. There are no rules as to how a
+man should ask a woman to be his wife.
+
+A man is not at liberty to announce his engagement until his _fiancée_
+gives him permission to do so. It is her family who have the right to
+know first of the existence of an engagement. Very few engagements are
+entered into so hurriedly as not to be anticipated in a way by the
+members of the young woman's household. However, the first step to be
+taken is the announcement by the _fiancée_ to her mother, her father, or
+her proper guardian of the existing circumstances. Sometimes this is
+done in a most informal way by both parties. The day after the
+engagement has thus been announced it is good form for the man to have a
+private talk with the young woman's parents or guardian. In America we
+are supposed to be above the discussion of marriage settlements. A man
+should never ask a woman to marry him unless he has the wherewithal to
+support her in the manner in which she has been accustomed to live. An
+inquiry into the state of the proposed son-in-law's finances is
+perfectly proper and should not be taken amiss. Engagements are
+announced to other members of the family than those of the household by
+informal notes when it is decided it should be made public. Relatives
+and intimate friends should be apprised of it before one's general
+acquaintances. In these days of "society news" the general announcement
+is frequently made through the medium of the newspapers. It can also be
+made verbally.
+
+During the engagement it is expected that a man's relatives and friends
+should pay the prospective bride as much attention as possible. They
+should call on her and felicitate her as soon as they have been informed
+of the affair. A pretty compliment for a male member of the man's family
+or one of his intimates is to send flowers to the new _fiancée_.
+Engagements should never be announced unless the wedding day is fixed
+approximately. Avoid long engagements.
+
+The engagement ring is a solitaire diamond, but one with two smaller
+diamonds is appropriate. This will depend upon the income of the swain.
+Rings with colored stones, however, are not in vogue for engagements.
+
+During the engagement the betrothed couple should be seen as much as
+possible in each other's society. Neither should appear at large
+entertainments to which the other has not been asked. Little attentions
+are expected. A man should send from time to time, according to the
+state of his finances, flowers, sweets, or other tokens. A sensible girl
+will not approve of costly gifts if you can not afford them. A very
+acceptable token would be a bunch of violets or American beauty roses
+sent from a fashionable florist.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING.
+
+
+When a bachelor marries the arrangement of the details of the ceremony
+and reception are left to the bride's family, and there is really very
+little about which to instruct him. Many men wish to know how these
+matters should be conducted, and a short review is here given under the
+penalty of its being not within the scope of the Complete Bachelor.
+
+Weddings in society are celebrated either at church or at the home of
+the bride. The church wedding is the most popular, and in large cities
+the most fashionable, as it admits of the presence of a large number of
+people and lends much solemnity to the occasion.
+
+The fashionable hour for a wedding is from high noon--midday--until five
+o'clock. Evening weddings have within the past five years not been as
+much in vogue as formerly.
+
+The invitations are issued within a fortnight of the ceremony. The
+formula is an announcement engraved on a sheet of heavy cream paper
+folded in two. It is issued in the name of the bride's parents or
+guardian, and it requests the pleasure of the guest's presence at the
+marriage of their daughter or ward at such a church or such a number, at
+such an hour of the day, month, and year. A separate card, inclosed,
+with the announcement and invitation to the church, states the hours of
+the reception. The invitations are very simple, engraved in plain
+English script, and the paper and cards are of a standard quality known
+to stationers for this purpose. The inner one is addressed only with the
+name of the person invited, the outer one has this and the street, the
+street number, and full directions for mailing. Gilt-edged or fancy
+stationery is vulgar.
+
+I herewith append some examples. The English invariably insist on the
+R. S. V. P., or "answer if you please," on even church invitations. This
+is not the regular New York custom.
+
+The reason for this is that in England those asked to the church are
+always expected also at the reception. Only the bridal party sit down to
+an elaborate breakfast, the other guests being given the very lightest
+of refreshments.
+
+American form:
+
+            _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+          _request your presence_
+    _at the marriage of their daughter_
+                _Katherine_
+                   _to_
+                _Mr._ ----,
+  _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_
+           _at twelve o'clock._
+             _Grace Church,_
+        _Broadway and Tenth Street._
+
+Also:
+
+            _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+    _request the honor of your presence_
+    _at the marriage of their daughter_
+                  _Annie_
+                   _to_
+                _Mr._ ----
+                _on_ (etc.).
+
+            _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+          _request your presence_
+    _at the marriage of their daughter_
+              _Myra Raymond_
+                   _to_
+               _Mr._ ----,
+  _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_
+            _at twelve o'clock._
+              _Grace Church,_
+        _Broadway and Tenth Street._
+
+               _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+       _request the honor of your presence_
+       _at the marriage of their daughter_
+                     _Annie_
+                      _to_
+                   _Mr._ ----
+  _on Tuesday morning, November twenty-seventh,_
+          _at half past eleven o'clock._
+                _St. Leo's Church,_
+            _East Twenty-eighth Street._
+                      ------
+           _Please present this card at_
+                 _St. Leo's Church,_
+             _November twenty-seventh._
+
+English form:
+
+                 _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+             _request the pleasure of_
+               _Lord and Lady ----'s_
+                    _company at_
+             _St. Peter's, Eaton Square,_
+     _on Saturday, November 4th, at two o'clock,_
+  _on the occasion of the marriage of their daughter_
+              _Margaret and_ ---- ----,
+        _and afterward at 1 Grosvenor Square._
+      _R. S. V. P._
+                     ------
+                  _Admit bearer_
+                       _to_
+        _St. Peter's Church, Eaton Square,_
+     _on November 4th, 1895, at two o'clock._
+
+If the bride whom a bachelor is marrying is a widow and lives in her own
+house, the invitations to the church and the reception, or to either or
+both, would read simply, "The pleasure of your company is requested at
+the wedding," etc., with a separate card bearing the word reception and
+stating the hour and address.
+
+Should there be no guests at the wedding, and should it be conducted
+very quietly or privately, it is necessary that announcement cards be
+sent out after the event has taken place. These are issued in the name
+of the bride's parent, parents, or guardian, who simply announce "the
+marriage of their daughter [or ward] Elizabeth to Mr. Henry Smith
+Walcott, Thursday, June the twentieth, eighteen hundred and ninety-six."
+In the left-hand corner is placed the address of those sending out the
+cards. A card is also inclosed with the names of the newly married
+couple, their address, and their reception day. Should there be neither
+parents nor guardians, the parties to the contract can announce it
+themselves with one card thus: "Mr. William Benham Thorne and Miss
+Eleanore Taylor, married on Thursday, November the seventh, eighteen
+hundred and ----, New York." Another card can also be inclosed, on
+which is the new address of the married couple, as well as their day at
+home. If it is a church wedding, and there are neither guardians nor
+parents, you can use the form, "You are invited to be present at the
+wedding of ----," etc.
+
+A too rigid economy should not be observed in the sending of wedding
+invitations, and the prospective bridegroom should see that this is
+carried out. In case there are several members of a family, it is good
+form to inclose an invitation to each; thus, Mr. and Mrs. Algernon
+Smith, the Misses Smith, and Messrs. Smith making three smaller
+envelopes inclosed in the larger one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Algernon
+Smith.
+
+As I have advised in the chapter on Cards, your pasteboard should be
+left at the house of those in whose name the invitations are issued,
+even if you are asked only to the church. If to the reception, you owe
+two visits of "digestion"--one to the bride's parents and one to the
+happy pair.
+
+All the expenses pertaining to a wedding are borne by the bride's
+parents. The bridegroom, however, pays the clergyman's fee and provides
+his own carriage, cab, or hansom from his rooms to the church. This
+vehicle is also sent to the house of the best man.
+
+All expenses after the marriage are, of course, defrayed by the
+bridegroom. It has been strict etiquette for the bride and bridegroom
+not to use the family carriage, which usually takes them from the
+church, to fetch them to the railroad station, but one provided by the
+bridegroom. It is frequently a matter of courtesy for the bride's
+parents to offer this for the occasion.
+
+_The bridegroom_ should, as soon as the wedding day is appointed, choose
+his best man and his ushers. The vogue is to ask his nearest unmarried
+male relative or his most intimate bachelor friend to serve in the
+capacity of best man. More recently a number of very fashionable New
+Yorkers have had married men take that position, and thus the innovation
+has sanction through the action of the "smart set." A married best man
+is said to be an English fad, but I find that it could be more correctly
+termed an Anglo-Indian mode, as this new idea is much more popular in
+Calcutta and Bombay than in London.
+
+In the selection of ushers, a man asks usually some few of his intimates
+or club friends, and through courtesy to his prospective bride a male
+member of her family, frequently her brother. Six ushers are the usual
+number, although four are quite sufficient. Some few men have been known
+to dispense with the services of the best man and have only ushers, but
+this is not exactly correct at a fashionable church wedding. The ushers
+can be very easily omitted if the ceremony is to take place at the
+house.
+
+_The bridegroom_ presents his best man and his ushers with their ties,
+their gloves, and tie pin, which is a souvenir of the occasion, as well
+as their _boutonnières_, or "buttonholes," to accept the last English
+expression, to be worn at the ceremony.
+
+The tie, gloves, and tie pin are given to the best man and the ushers at
+the farewell bachelor dinner; the _boutonnières_ are ordered at the
+florist's and sent to them on the morning of the wedding. Lilies of the
+valley are the favorite wedding flowers, but the floral arrangements are
+regulated by the bride's family, who possibly have a certain color or
+flower scheme for the church decorations, and the "buttonholes" must be
+in keeping.
+
+_The bridegroom_ generally provides hansoms or _coupés_ to drive his
+ushers to the church from their respective residences. As the bride's
+family provides the carriages for the _cortège_, these other vehicles
+may be dismissed at the church.
+
+_The bridegroom_ himself drives to the church in a hansom with his best
+man.
+
+If it is a house wedding these carriages need not be provided. In this
+country the _bridegroom_ does not give the bridesmaids any token or
+present. In England he presents them with brooches or bracelets. In New
+York the bride presents her maid of honor and bridesmaids with souvenirs
+in the shape of lace pins, brooches, or bracelets.
+
+_The bridegroom_ always gives to his bride a handsome wedding present,
+which is to be worn or carried on the happy day. It may be a diamond
+tiara, it may be a diamond star, it may be jewels of any kind which he
+can ascertain would be acceptable to her, or it may be a prayer book.
+_The bridegroom_ does not provide any part of the bride's costume.
+
+If the bride should carry flowers instead of a prayer book, this special
+bouquet is the gift of the bridegroom, but the flowers for the
+bridesmaids are provided by the bride.
+
+The expenses of the wedding notices in the newspapers and the fee to the
+clergyman are paid by the bridegroom through the agency of the best
+man.
+
+The wedding ring is of bright burnished gold, perfectly plain. The date
+of the wedding and the initials of the happy pair should be engraved on
+the inside. The ring is confided to the best man, who produces it at the
+proper time during the ceremony.
+
+It is customary for a prospective bridegroom to purchase or, rather, to
+have a wedding outfit made. Very elaborate affairs of this kind are not
+in good taste, and anything which suggests the occasion is certainly
+vulgar. Beyond the clothes for the ceremony, there should be a general
+overhauling of the wardrobe and shirts, undervests, underclothes,
+handkerchiefs, and such articles must, if any of them are needed or have
+fallen into decay, be supplied or renewed. All this is a matter of
+taste.
+
+_The bachelor farewell dinner_ is now a recognized institution. Perhaps
+next to the ceremony itself, it is regarded as the most important social
+function of the wedding week.
+
+If you are a member of a club, your farewell dinner should be given
+there in one of the private dining rooms. Otherwise it is perfectly
+correct to have it at a well-known restaurant or hotel, in, of course, a
+private dining room. You may have it at your own house, and, should your
+parents be living and you reside with them, it can be given at home.
+The club, however, is really first choice. Sometimes the strictly
+bachelor dinner is dispensed with, and in its stead a dinner is given to
+the entire bridal party by the family of the bride. This does away with
+the presumed selfishness of the "stag" dinner, and the possible excuse
+for some one or more of the guests to become exhilarated--a _finale_, I
+am grieved to say, that has happened on more than one occasion.
+
+At the stag dinner you should have your best man, your ushers, and
+several of your friends. You can invite a married man or so, especially
+if he is a very jolly fellow, and it is expected that some one or more
+of your bride's relatives will be included. Twelve is a good number,
+but, of course, never thirteen, because women are generally
+superstitious, and should this become known to your future one it might
+cause her great mental anxiety.
+
+The gloves, ties, and tie or scarf pins to be given to the best man and
+ushers are placed in white boxes tied with white satin ribbon and put in
+the outer room to be handed to each man as he bids adieu. Perhaps it
+might be more prudent to place them at the covers, but it would hardly
+be good form, as there would be in that case several of the guests
+without favors. And, besides, a dinner with favors is not permissible
+in these days.
+
+_Boutonnières_ of lilies of the valley should be also placed at each
+cover. The _menu_ cards should be simple but tasteful. Elaborate _menus_
+are not now in the best form. In fact, with a bachelor dinner, as with
+all functions of this kind, elegant simplicity should be the
+predominating characteristic; cut glass and silver are all that is
+required. In the center of the table a basket, or, better, a silver
+_jardinière_ of roses, is the only floral decoration. During the course
+of the dinner these flowers are removed and are sent to the bride-elect.
+It is sometimes the custom--and a very pretty one--for each guest to
+note a sentiment on a _menu_ card or simply his own name, and have that
+sent also with the flowers.
+
+The dinner itself can, but need not be very elaborate. I do not like a
+dinner of many courses. It is usual to serve sherry and whisky and
+caviare sandwiches in the anteroom before dinner, and also to have
+cigars and cigarettes galore there as well as at table, although it is
+not permissible to smoke before the cheese is served. I would recommend
+raw oysters, a clear soup, a bit of fish with sliced cucumber--an
+attractive _entrée_; a _fillet_ with vegetables, canvas-back duck,
+cheese and salad, coffee, and fruit.
+
+
+THE CEREMONY.
+
+On the morning of the wedding the bridegroom is called for in the hansom
+or cab which has been ordered for himself and the best man. The best man
+calls for him and takes him to the church. They should time their
+movements so as to arrive at least five minutes before the hour
+appointed for the ceremony. The same precaution should be observed if it
+is a house wedding.
+
+At day weddings afternoon dress is _de rigueur_ for bridegroom, best
+man, ushers, and all male guests. The bridegroom, best man, and ushers
+should be dressed alike in frock coats and waistcoats to match, trousers
+of dark gray striped, patent-leather shoes, gray suede gloves, white or
+pearl-colored scarfs, and top hats.
+
+The English have allowed some latitude, and wear gray frock coats and
+even colored shirts, but this fashion is not generally in vogue in
+America. Evening weddings require formal evening dress. A wedding at
+dusk in winter, where the bride wears traveling costume, calls for
+afternoon dress on the part of the bridegroom.
+
+The bridegroom and best man alight at the vestry. They remain in the
+back of the chancel until the first notes of the wedding march notify
+them of the presence of the bride. The best man must see before the
+ceremony that the bridegroom's top hat, as well as his own, is sent to
+the entrance of the church to be handed to the respective owners on
+their exit.
+
+When the bride, on the arm of her father or guardian, approaches the
+altar, the bridegroom and best man walk out from the vestry, either
+together or the best man in advance. In the latter case the best man
+steps back at the chancel rail, and allows the bridegroom to pass before
+him. The bridegroom stands on the right-hand side of the altar or
+reading desk and the best man on his right. The bride is on the
+bridegroom's left, and her father or guardian a little behind her on her
+left.
+
+To avoid confusion, the ceremony is generally rehearsed an evening or
+two before. Much depends on the liturgy of the communion to which the
+couple belong. The best man has charge of the ring, and must produce it
+and hand it to the clergyman at the time it is demanded.
+
+At the conclusion of the ceremony the best man precedes the bride and
+bridegroom in the procession, escorting the maid of honor, unless the
+_cortège_ has been differently arranged. In that case, he makes his way
+either through the vestry or down one of the aisles to the church door,
+where he superintends the filing away of the bridal carriages and party.
+At the reception he goes in to breakfast with the maid of honor, or with
+a near relative of the bride's family. He may use the bridegroom's
+hansom from the church to the house, or he may go with one of the
+family. There is no rule for this. The bride and bridegroom use the
+bride's carriage.
+
+The best man is intrusted also with the paying of the clergyman. The
+bridegroom will give him a check for this purpose. As already stated, he
+also inserts the marriage notices in the newspapers, the funds for which
+are also provided by the bridegroom. He pays his own personal expenses.
+
+The ushers meet in the church about an hour before the ceremony. The
+bridegroom generally puts carriages at their disposal, but that is not
+in the least obligatory. They can take hansoms or cabs, or for that
+matter go to the rendezvous in the car or stage. The ushers stand at the
+foot of the nave or aisle and busy themselves escorting guests to
+seats. An usher offers his right arm to the lady he escorts up the
+aisle. Even if a lady should be accompanied by her husband or escort,
+the usher should offer her his arm, and the other man walks up behind
+them. If an usher should not have had the formality of an introduction
+to the lady he is showing to a seat, a bow and a smile when leaving her
+is all that is necessary. An usher, being a friend of the family, knows
+those who ought to go beyond the ribbon and those who are not relatives
+or family connections. The bride's brothers, if they are ushers, take
+care of the members of their family, and the intimate friends of the
+bridegroom or his relations. The relatives of the bride are placed in
+the front pews beyond the ribbon on the right-hand side of the altar,
+and the bridegroom's on the left-hand side. At the arrival of the bridal
+party the ushers get together and form in the back of the church for the
+procession up the aisle or nave. Their meeting thus is the cue for the
+sexton, who signals the organist, and the march is started. The ushers
+advance up the aisle, two by two, until they reach the chancel, where
+they divide on the right and on the left, allowing the bridesmaids to
+pass before them, standing in a semicircle around the altar rails. If it
+is a Roman Catholic wedding they genuflect as they reach the chancel.
+They file down the aisle in the same order, heading the bridal
+procession. At the carriage way they assist the bridesmaids in their
+carriages, and by previous arrangement they are allotted to certain
+carriages escorting the bridesmaids.
+
+_At the reception_ the bride and bridegroom take their places under a
+wedding bell of flowers or in the front drawing room between the two
+front windows, or, again, in the back drawing room. The house is
+decorated with palms, potted plants, flowers, and other foliage. Pink
+and white orchids, ferns, and chrysanthemums make very effective
+decorations. The mother of the bride, or nearest female relative, stands
+at the door of the drawing room and greets the guests. The ushers and
+bridesmaids are scattered about the room. If there is only a reception,
+then the guests, after exchanging greetings with the lady of the house,
+pass on and shake hands with and congratulate the bridegroom and wish
+the bride joy. Unless you are an intimate friend, do not attempt any set
+speech. The bride will say, if she has not seen you for a short time
+before the wedding, "I must thank you, Mr. Smith, for your beautiful
+present," or something of that kind. If you do not know the bridegroom
+she will present you to him. If you are a friend of the bridegroom he
+will present you to the bride, and should say, if such is the case,
+"Evangeline," or "May," or "Margaret," or otherwise; or "My dear, let me
+present to you Mr. Algernon Smith, who, you remember, is one of my best
+friends." And if Mrs. ---- has any tact, she will at once reply, "I am
+so pleased to meet any of my husband's old friends, and I must thank
+you, Mr. Smith, for the beautiful _bonbon_ dishes. They were just what I
+wanted," or words to that effect. Then pass on. Refreshments are served
+at a wedding reception from a buffet in the dining room. If you enter
+with a lady, ask her what she would like, and get it for her. Then take
+your own choice of refreshment, and stand or sit by her as the
+accommodations of the room will permit. A half hour at a wedding
+reception is sufficient. It is not good form to bid good-by to the bride
+and bridegroom, but only to the lady of the house.
+
+If there is no chaperon--for instance, if the bride be a widow or
+divorcee and is in her own home--then you must bid her good-by, but in
+such cases large receptions are not given.
+
+There is always a breakfast or luncheon set for the bridal party, at
+which the bride, escorted by the bridegroom, leads the way. The bride's
+father, escorting the bridegroom's mother, the ushers and bridesmaids
+and relatives follow. In this country we have no special law of
+precedence, and these bridal luncheons are more or less informal. There
+are no toasts.
+
+After breakfast the valet, should there be one, must be ready with the
+bridegroom's valise, when his master retires to put on a tweed suit for
+traveling; otherwise it can be laid out by one of the servants. With the
+coachman on the box and amid the usual shower of rice and slippers, as
+also the fusillade of a battery of eyes from neighbors' windows, and
+perhaps a crowd of street urchins and admiring servants, the happy
+couple start out on their wedding journey. I think it is better taste to
+wait until dark, almost, so as to avoid all this unseemly publicity, and
+I am averse to having the coachman and horses decked with white ribbons;
+but, of course, one does not marry every day in the year, and these
+little eccentricities are pardonable on such--shall I say?--an
+"auspicious" occasion.
+
+At a home wedding, as has been said above, ushers are not necessary. The
+same ceremonial is observed as at church, but due allowance must be
+made for crowded quarters. Usually very few are asked to the ceremony,
+but many to the reception afterward. As soon as the ceremony is over
+congratulations are in order, the newly married couple standing under
+the bell of flowers where they were married, and receiving the good
+wishes of their friends.
+
+If a man marries abroad there are many annoying bits of red tape to be
+considered. In London you are obliged to have a legal residence in the
+parish where the ceremony is to be performed. In Paris a civil marriage
+before the mayor of the district is necessary. Certificates of baptism
+must be filed with him, and you must give proof of the legal consent of
+both your parents as well as those of the bride. The religious ceremony
+takes place twenty-four hours after the civil. It is strict etiquette
+that the contracting parties do not see each other during this interim.
+
+The order of the wedding procession in France and on the Continent
+differs vastly from that in England and America. There are neither
+ushers nor a best man. If there are bridesmaids the groomsmen accompany
+them. The bride enters on the arm of her father preceded by the
+attendants, and the bridegroom follows, escorting his future
+mother-in-law. A long procession of relatives brings up the rear. The
+men, no matter at what time of the day the ceremony might take
+place--and evening weddings are unknown--are in formal evening dress.
+
+Under the French law also no widow or divorcee can remarry until ten
+months have elapsed since the dissolution of the previous contract. This
+should not be forgotten by bachelors contemplating matrimony with either
+one of these classes of eligibles. In Germany there are further
+complications, and I would advise all citizens of the United States
+contemplating matrimony there to consult the consul or minister at the
+legation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+FUNERALS.
+
+
+When a death occurs in the house all matters should at once be placed in
+charge of a relative or a friend of the family. The family itself should
+be kept away from every one as much as possible, and none of the sad
+details left to them. They should not be seen until the day of the
+funeral. Front windows should be shut, blinds and shades pulled down,
+and the outer or storm door of the house closed. A servant is stationed
+in the hall near the door, as on reception days, to receive the cards of
+persons calling. All acquaintances who have been entertained at the
+house leave cards in person, others may mail them. Only intimate friends
+of the family are admitted to the house.
+
+Should you send flowers, do not purchase or order any set designs. They
+are hideous--remind one of the tenement funerals, and are strikingly
+inappropriate. A bunch of white roses or of violets is a beautiful
+offering for a young woman, or two palms crossed, with violets or lilies
+of the valley attached, for a man or an elderly person. These should be
+accompanied by your card. If you have been an intimate friend, a few
+words written--a short note of condolence--would not be amiss. To all of
+these notes, and in acknowledgment of these offerings, one of the family
+nearest the deceased in relationship should respond by sending their
+card with the words, "Thank you for your kind sympathy," or something of
+that sort, written upon it.
+
+As a rule, when the deceased is a young man who belongs to several clubs
+or who has a numerous acquaintance, it is better to have the funeral
+from a church. Pallbearers are chosen from among his intimate friends; a
+relative never acts as pallbearer. It is not customary for any except
+the nearest relatives to go to the cemetery. Ladies of the family do not
+accompany the remains to the cemetery, and they frequently do not attend
+the funeral services at the church if the deceased is a man.
+
+If the funeral services are held at the house the relatives and intimate
+friends are invited into the back parlor, dining room, or upstairs, and
+make their appearance only when the services begin. The undertaker
+attends to seating people, arranging the rooms, etc.
+
+There is only one proper dress for a man to wear at a funeral. It should
+consist of black frock coat, dark trousers, dark scarf and gloves (gray
+or dark tan, but not black, unless you are a relative), and top hat.
+Should you be a relative or a pallbearer, wear a black weed on your hat.
+
+As to periods of mourning, there seems to be some little difference of
+opinion in New York. Ward McAllister treated the subject in quite an
+exhaustive manner, advocating short mourning terms even for the nearest
+relatives. For a wife eighteen months is considered the proper thing;
+for a parent, twelve to eighteen months, sometimes two years; for a
+brother or a sister, one year; and for a grandparent, six months. A
+maternal or paternal uncle or aunt is entitled to about two months or
+less, according to the intimacy which has existed between the families.
+Seclusion from society is generally consonant with mourning for near
+relatives. However, people now go to the theater and small dinners and
+teas after nine months of mourning for the very nearest relatives.
+
+It is not necessary for a man to shroud himself in black. A silk hat
+with a crape band nearly to the top should be worn by widowers during
+the first year of their widowerhood; but black shirt studs, black sleeve
+buttons, handkerchiefs bordered with black, and the other abominations
+in which the grief-stricken Frenchman arrays himself are not tolerated
+in this country. In deep mourning one can wear black ties and black
+gloves, but a white linen tie in summer is permissible. I do not
+advocate the use of black scarf pins. A black band on the sleeve of a
+gray suit is also another affectation which should be avoided. Cards
+should be left after a funeral.
+
+There is no code of etiquette established as yet for divorce. Second
+marriages should be as quiet as possible. This advice is given to
+bachelors who are contemplating matrimony with divorcées.
+
+
+GENERAL ADVICE FOR UNCLASSIFIED OCCASIONS.
+
+If you are chosen godfather, you are expected to send a silver mug to
+your godchild. Christening parties are held about four in the afternoon.
+Afternoon dress is required.
+
+When giving a dinner or any entertainment at a certain well-known New
+York restaurant do not refer to it as "Del's." This is an earmark of
+vulgarity.
+
+When speaking of the city of New York do not refer to it as "Gotham."
+This shows the worst kind of provincialism and a vulgar spirit.
+
+Even should your friends be among the most exclusive and fashionable in
+any place, they are never "swells," nor do they belong to the "Four
+Hundred." The latter term was once used by a gentleman to designate the
+probable list of people who were to entertain in New York that season,
+and has no bearing whatever upon the question of social limit.
+
+If you send flowers never have them arranged in set designs. Fair
+voyagers will thank you much more if you send fruit, sweets, or books,
+as flowers on shipboard or railroad trains are nuisances. Books, sweets,
+and flowers are the only gifts which a bachelor can offer or a woman
+accept from him.
+
+The terms "lady" and "gentleman" are distinctive. Your friends and
+acquaintances are all supposed to be ladies and gentlemen. To
+distinguish them as such implies a doubt. Should you call at a house you
+ask if the "ladies" are in, so as to distinguish them from the other
+females in the household. You also toast the "ladies." In referring to
+the gentler sex, it is more complimentary to speak of them as "women."
+You would say, "She is a clever woman," not a "clever lady." The person
+who speaks of "a lady or a gentleman friend" has a defined social
+position--on the Bowery.
+
+Avoid slang, especially that of the music halls or the comic (?)
+newspapers. You can well afford not to be "up to date."
+
+In greeting a person say "Good morning," "Good afternoon," or "Good
+evening," but refrain from such inane phrases as "Delighted, I'm sure."
+On introduction or presentation, it is sufficient to say "I am delighted
+to meet you." Avoid also the "How d'y do?" "How are you?" "Very well, I
+thank you." All this is idiotic.
+
+Whistle all you like in your bedroom, but not in public.
+
+Gentlefolk have "friends" stopping with them, never "company." Servants
+have and keep "company."
+
+When you refer to wine it means any kind of vintage, and not necessarily
+champagne. Therefore beware of the "gentleman who opens wine," or the
+one who gives a "wine party," whatever that may mean. We speak of a
+dinner, but not of a dinner party. A party to the play, no matter where
+the location of the places may be, is never a "box party."
+
+Do not be a professed jester nor yet a punster. The clowns of society
+are not enviable beings.
+
+When speaking of a fashionable woman do not refer to her as a "society
+woman." That would imply that she belongs to various societies or
+guilds, which is not probably the impression you desire to convey.
+
+When a person has a predilection for the use of the word "elegant," and
+especially when it is employed in the sense of beautiful, good,
+charming, or delightful, you are quite just in your estimation of his or
+her vulgarity.
+
+Answers to questions should be given in the direct affirmative or the
+direct negative. "All right" is not, to say the least, civil, and is
+ill-bred.
+
+Never exhibit your accomplishments, unless "by special request," in the
+public parlors of hotels, or saloons of ships, or other places of
+general gathering. The persons who sing and play the piano and make
+themselves bores are as reprehensible as the window opening and shutting
+fiends, the fidgety travelers, the loud-voiced and constant complaining,
+all of whom are most obnoxious.
+
+Under great provocation the expletive "damn" is tolerated by society,
+but it should be whispered and not pronounced aloud. The man who swears
+is certainly beyond the pale, and the one who uses silly and senseless
+exclamations is not far away from him. One of the marks of a gentleman
+is his complete mastery of himself under the most trying and aggravating
+circumstances.
+
+These are but few of the many "don'ts" which it seems necessary to
+repeat in works of this kind. For a more extended catalogue of social
+and grammatical sins, the reader is referred to that excellent book The
+Verbalist, by Alfred Ayres, and the clever little _brochure_ Don't. A
+careful study of these will assist him much in reviewing elementary
+questions, the knowledge of which was taken for granted by the author of
+the Complete Bachelor.
+
+
+
+
+INDEX.
+
+ACCEPTANCE, invitations, 46-48.
+Admission to clubs, rules for, 127-129.
+Admission, visitors to clubs, 131, 132.
+Advice, general, for unclassified occasions, 195, 196.
+Afternoon calls, etiquette of, 43-45.
+Afternoon dress, when worn, 12, 13.
+Afternoon tea, 45.
+Afternoon wedding, 184, 185.
+Aisle, church and theater, going up, 5.
+Almonds, salted, 69.
+Alpine hats, 28.
+Amateur accomplishments, 199.
+Announcement cards, 176.
+Announcement, engagement, method of, 169.
+Answers, Assembly and Patriarchs, 48.
+Answers, ball invitations, 48.
+Answers, committee invitations, 48.
+Answers, dinner invitations, 48.
+Answers, form of, 46-48.
+Answers, general, 48.
+Artichokes, method of eating, 70.
+Asparagus, method of eating, 70.
+Assembly balls, etiquette of, 48, 105-110.
+
+BACHELOR.--For all functions with this title, see various heads of
+  chapters.
+Bachelor's farewell dinner, 181-184.
+Badminton, 148.
+Bag, shoe, 30.
+Bag, traveling, what to take on a visit from Friday to Monday, 91-93.
+Bag, traveling, voyage long, 160, 161.
+Ball, Assembly, 105-110.
+Ball, Charity, 103.
+Ball, general etiquette of, 48, 102-110.
+Ball, Inauguration, 104.
+Ball, public, 48, 103, 104.
+Ball, supper at, 110, 111.
+Bath, bachelor's, 17, 18.
+Bathing, 156.
+Bath, Turkish, 22.
+Beard, care of, 19.
+Best man, dress for, 184.
+Best man, etiquette for, 180-182, 184-187.
+Bicycling, 144, 145.
+Billiards, 157, 158.
+Boating, 156.
+Bolting food, 62.
+Boots, 12, 13, 28-30, 37.
+Boots, care of, 28-30.
+Boots, riding, 142.
+Boots, russet, 13, 42, 147, 155.
+Bowing, etiquette of, 2-6, 9.
+Bowling, 147.
+Bridegroom, 178-180.
+Bridegroom, dress of, 184.
+Bridegroom, expenses of, 177, 178.
+Bridegroom, presents to bride and wedding party, 179, 180.
+Brushes, 19-26, 28-31.
+Brushes, clothes, 25, 26, 28-31.
+Brushes, hair, 19, 22.
+Brushes, hat, 28.
+Brushes, nail, 22.
+Brushes, tooth, 20.
+Butler, duties of, 100.
+Butter, when served, 66.
+
+CABS, London and Paris, 164, 165.
+Cabs, ushers and best men, 184, 186.
+Calls, afternoon, 43-46.
+Calls, balls and dances, 45.
+Calls, condolence, 45, 193.
+Calls, dinner, 45.
+Calls, evening, 43, 46.
+Calls, general etiquette of, 43-46, 106, 193.
+Calls, opera and theater, 45, 46.
+Calls, period in which to be made, 45.
+Card cases, 50.
+Card parties, 55.
+Cards, announcement, 176, 177.
+Cards, condolence, 50, 195.
+Cards, etiquette of leaving, 52, 53.
+Cards, etiquette of playing, 159.
+Cards, etiquette of visiting, 49-53, 106, 193.
+Cards, how many to leave, 51.
+Cards, leaving in person, 50, 51.
+Cards, mailing, 50.
+Cards, wedding, 174-176.
+Carriage, etiquette of, 4, 139.
+Cars, etiquette in street, 4, 8, 9.
+Carving, 65.
+Ceremony, wedding, 184, 185.
+Chafed faces, how to prevent, 19.
+Chafing-dish suppers, 78.
+Chains, watch, 16.
+Champagne, 71, 77, 78, 81.
+Changing clothes, 23, 24.
+Chaperones, 76, 79, 82, 87, 109.
+Cheating at games, 154.
+Christening, etiquette of, 196.
+Church, aisles, going up, 5.
+Church, ceremony at weddings, 184, 185.
+Churches, foreign, 166.
+Claret, 71.
+Cleaning clothes, 31.
+Clergy, addressing, manner of, 122, 168.
+Closets, clothes put in, 26.
+Clothes, care of, 24-31.
+Clothes, cost of, 32-42.
+Clothes, folding and brushing, 24-31.
+Clothes, overhauling, 30.
+Clothes, packing and putting away, 30, 31, 91-93.
+Clothes, removing and changing, 23-27.
+Clothes, removing grease stains from, 31.
+Clowns of society, 199.
+Club, admission of visitors, 131, 132.
+Club, admission to, 128-130.
+Club, bowing from, window, 134.
+Club, elections to membership, 128-130.
+Clubs, etiquette of, 126-136.
+Club, pipe smoking at, 133.
+Club servants, 134.
+Club, treating at, 134.
+Club, wearing hat at, 133.
+Club, where ladies are admitted, 135.
+Coaching, 143, 144.
+Coaching, dress for, 144.
+Coachman, dress or and livery, 98.
+Coachman, duties of, 98.
+Coat of arms, 121.
+Coats, care, folding, and keeping of, 24-26.
+Coats, cost of, 33-36, 38.
+Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, 15, 35.
+Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, cost of, 35.
+Coats, dress or evening, when to wear, 13, 56, 164-167, 186.
+Coats, frock, cost of, 38.
+Coats, frock, when to wear, 12, 13, 186, 187, 195.
+Coats, frock, colored, 13.
+Coats, lounge or sack, 10-12.
+Coffee, black, when served, 73.
+"Company," 198.
+Condolence, letters of, 125.
+Congratulation, letters of, 125.
+Corn, eating on cob, 72.
+Correspondence, etiquette of business, 120-123.
+Correspondence, etiquette of friendly, 119-121, 124.
+Cotillon, etiquette of, 112-118.
+Cotillon, figures of, 116-118.
+Cotillon, form of, 112-115.
+Cotillon, leading a, 113-115.
+Country house, entertaining by bachelor, 86-89.
+Country house, etiquette at, 85-93.
+Country house, furnishing of, 88.
+Country house, tipping servants at, 90.
+Country house, visits at, 88-90.
+Crests, use of, 121.
+Crossing legs in public, 8.
+Crossing streets, 1, 2.
+Cucumbers, how served and eaten, 69.
+Customhouse, French and English, 166, 167.
+
+"Damn," when it may be excused, 200.
+Dance card, not used in New York, 108.
+Dance, etiquette of, 102-118.
+Dance, forms of, 109, 114-118.
+Dance, manner of asking to, 108.
+Dances, bachelor, 82.
+Dances, dinner, 60.
+Dances, invitations to, 48.
+"Del's," 197.
+Diamonds, 16.
+Dinner, bachelor farewell, 161, 162.
+Dinner, bachelor host at home, 77, 78.
+Dinner, bachelor host at restaurant, 83.
+Dinner coat, when worn, 15.
+Dinner dance, 60.
+Dinner, general etiquette of, 46, 47, 54-74, 77, 78, 82, 83, 161, 162.
+Dinner, serving at, 78, 100.
+Don'ts of table etiquette, 62-65.
+Dress, afternoon, 13.
+Dress, afternoon wedding, 179, 185, 187.
+Dress, bachelor's, for all times, 13-16.
+Dress, badminton, 148.
+Dress, bathing, 156.
+Dress, boating, 156.
+Dress, bowling, 157.
+Dress, butler, 101.
+Dress, coaching, 138.
+Dress, coachman, 98.
+Dress, driving and coaching, 138.
+Dress, evening, 13-15, 32-35, 56, 156, 164, 166, 167.
+Dress, evening, formal, 13, 14.
+Dress, evening, informal, 15.
+Dress, evening wedding, 187.
+Dress, foreign, morning and evening functions, 164, 166, 167.
+Dress, funeral, 195.
+Dress, golf, 154.
+Dress, groom, 96, 97.
+Dress, morning or lounge, 11, 12.
+Dress, polo, 148.
+Dress, riding, 142.
+Dress, riding to hounds, 142.
+Dress, shipboard, 161, 162.
+Dress, shooting, 146.
+Dress, skating, 148.
+Dress, tennis, 156.
+Dress, theaters, London and Paris, 166.
+Dress, traveling, 160.
+Dress, valet, 99, 100.
+Dress, wheeling, 145.
+Dress, yachting, 149, 152.
+Drinking with mouth full, 63.
+
+Eggs, eaten from shell, 66.
+Elevator, etiquette of, 5.
+Engagements, announcement, 169, 170.
+Engagements, etiquette of, 169, 171.
+Engagements, presents during, 171.
+Engagement ring, 170.
+Entrées, manner of serving, 69.
+Envelopes and stationery, proper form of, 120, 122, 123.
+Envelopes, sealing, 122, 123.
+Escorts, 5, 9.
+Esquire, when used, 121.
+Expenses, wedding, who pays, 177.
+Eye, bath for, 19.
+
+Fares, paying, 9.
+Fees, foreign countries, 163-165.
+Feet, care of, 21.
+Fish, manner of eating, 69.
+Flask, brandy, 161.
+Flowers, sending, 171, 194, 198.
+Foreign etiquette, 162, 164.
+Foreign marriages, 191, 192.
+"Four hundred," 197.
+French titles, 168.
+Frock coats, 12, 13, 38, 184, 195.
+Fruit, manner of eating, 71, 72.
+
+Gifts, when engaged, 171.
+Golf, dress for, 155.
+Golf, etiquette of, 153, 154.
+Gotham, 197.
+Grace at meals, 58.
+Grape fruit, 67.
+Grease, removal of, 31.
+Greetings, 198.
+Groom, dress of, 96, 97.
+Groom, duties of, 96-98.
+
+Hairbrushes, 22.
+Hair, care of, 21.
+Handkerchiefs, pocket, 14, 27.
+Hands, care of, 20.
+Hands on table, 64.
+Hat, care of, 28.
+Hat, Derby, when worn, 11.
+Hat, Hombourg or Alpine, when worn, 11.
+Hat, opera or crush, 13.
+Hat, straw, 15.
+Hat, top or silk, 13, 14.
+Hoisting colors, 150, 151.
+Hounds, riding to, 142.
+
+Introducing men to women, 41.
+Introduction, letters of, 45.
+Introductions, etiquette of, 41, 42.
+Introductions, formal, 41.
+Introductions, general, 41.
+Introductions in street not good form, 42.
+Introductions, when and when not made, 41, 42.
+Invitation, ball, 48, 103.
+Invitation, dance, 48.
+Invitation, dinner, 46, 47.
+Invitation, luncheon, 54, 76.
+Invitation, wedding, 172-176.
+Invitations, various forms of, 46-48, 54, 76, 172-176.
+Inauguration Ball, 104.
+
+Jacket, dinner or Tuxedo coat, 15, 34, 35.
+Jewelry, use of, 16.
+
+Ladies annex to clubs, 135.
+"Lady and gentleman," when used, 198.
+Lancers, 109.
+Legs, crossing, 8.
+Letters, a bachelor's, 119-126.
+Letters, addressing, 121-123.
+Letters, business, 122, 124.
+Letters, condolence, 125.
+Letters, congratulation, 125.
+Letters, club, paper written on, 124.
+Letters, destroying old, 120.
+Letters, friendly, 122.
+Letters, hotel or business paper, written on, 124.
+Letters of introduction, 45.
+Letters, sealing, 123.
+Letters, stamping, 123.
+Lifting hat, occasions for, 2-7.
+Lift or elevators, etiquette of, 5.
+Liqueurs, 73.
+London, cab and hotel fees, 165, 166.
+London, general traveling etiquette, 165, 166.
+Luncheon dishes, 66.
+Luncheons, 54-56, 66, 74, 76, 77.
+Luncheons, bachelor, 76, 77.
+Lunch, quick, 64.
+
+Macaroni, 72.
+Mailing cards, 51.
+Manners, code of table, 64-73.
+Marriage announcements, 176.
+Marriage ceremony, 178.
+Marriages, formalities at foreign, 192.
+Men servants, 94-101.
+Menus, 67, 77, 78, 81, 111, 183.
+Ministers fees, by whom paid, 186.
+Morning bath, 17.
+Morning or lounge suit, 11, 12.
+"Mr." and "Esq.," when to use, 121.
+Mushrooms, how to eat, 70.
+
+Nailbrushes, 20.
+Nails, 20.
+Napkin, proper use of, 63.
+Nervous people at table, 63.
+Nobility, addressing, 167, 168.
+
+Omnibus, Paris and London, 166.
+Olives, how to eat, 69.
+Opera or crush hat, 14, 39.
+Opera or theater calls, 45.
+Opera, visits between the acts, 80.
+Overcoats, 14-16, 25.
+Overcoats, Chesterfield and covert, 14-16.
+Overhauling clothes, 30.
+Oysters, 68.
+Oyster cocktails, 68.
+
+Paper, note, correct kind, 120.
+Paris cabs, 165.
+Paris, etiquette for strangers, 164-166.
+Paris theaters, 166.
+Park suits, 13.
+Patriarchs' Ball, 105-111.
+Picnics, 85-87.
+Pipe smoking, 7, 133.
+Pope, audience with, 166.
+Pourboires, 165.
+Programme at London theaters, 164.
+
+Queen, how to address, 166.
+Quick lunch, 62.
+
+Radishes, when served, 67.
+Reception, wedding, 188.
+Removing grease, 31.
+Restaurant, bachelor dinner and luncheon at, 80-83.
+Restaurants, etiquette of, 5, 6.
+Riding, 140, 141.
+Riding to hounds, 142.
+Ring, engagement, 169, 170.
+
+Sack suits, 12.
+Salad, 71.
+Salt and pepper, individual, 75.
+Savories, 71.
+Scarves, 16.
+Scotch whisky, 73.
+Sea, costume at, 161, 162.
+Sealing letters, 123.
+Seat, giving one's, in car or ferry, 8, 9.
+Second helping, 65.
+Servants, a bachelor's, 94-101.
+Servants, club, 132, 134.
+Servants, general duties of, 94, 95.
+Shaven, clean, servants, 94, 95.
+Shaving, 18, 19.
+Shawl straps, 161.
+Sherry, 69.
+Ship, etiquette on board, 160-162.
+Ship, sending flowers to, 198.
+Shirts, 11-14, 24, 32, 35, 37.
+Shirts, colored, 12, 37.
+Shoe bag, 30.
+Shoes and boots, care of, 28, 29.
+Shoes, black leather, 12.
+Shoes, cost of, 36.
+Shoes, general information about, 12, 14, 28, 29, 37, 38.
+Shoes, patent leather, 12, 14, 28, 29.
+Shoes, russet, 12, 29, 145, 155, 162.
+Shooting, 146.
+Shops, etiquette of, 4.
+Signatures to letters, 121.
+Smoking, 7, 133.
+Smoking in street, 7.
+Smoking, pipe, 7, 133.
+Slang, use of, 198.
+"Society lady," 199.
+Soup, 68.
+Sporting bachelor, 136-160.
+Stages, etiquette of, 4, 8.
+Stairways, etiquette of, 6, 7.
+Stamping letters, 123.
+Stamp, use of club, 123.
+Standing, in presence of women, 6, 8.
+Staring at women, 8.
+Stationery, business and hotel, 124.
+Stationery, club, 124, 134.
+Stationery, proper to use, 120, 124.
+Stopping acquaintances in street, 4.
+Strawberries, 72.
+Street, crossing, with lady, 1.
+Street, etiquette of, 1-9.
+Street, introductions on, 42.
+Street, smoking in, 7.
+Stick, proper method of holding, 7.
+Style of walking, proper, 7.
+Supper, ball and dance, 110, 111.
+Supper, chafing-dish, 78.
+Supper, given by a bachelor, 78, 81, 83, 84.
+Supper, restaurant, 78, 81, 82.
+Supper, suggestions for menu, 78, 81, 82.
+Swearing, caution against, 198.
+
+Table, carving at, 65.
+Table manners, 62-74.
+Table, setting and arrangement of, 75, 76.
+Tea, afternoon, etiquette of, 45.
+Teeth, care of, 19, 20.
+Tennis, etiquette of, 148.
+Terrapin, how to eat and serve, 70.
+Theater aisle, walking down, 5.
+Theater and opera, calls at, 45, 46.
+Theater clubs, 82.
+Theater, etiquette at, 3-5, 8, 45, 46, 78-80, 82.
+Theater parties, 78-82.
+Theaters, etiquette at foreign, 162, 163.
+Third person, addressing people in, 122.
+Ties and scarfs, 11, 12, 14, 16, 35, 179, 184.
+Ties, men's, cost of, 35.
+Ties, presentation of, to best man and ushers, 179.
+Tips and tipping, 90, 132, 165, 166.
+Titles, foreign, 167, 168.
+Toasts at dinner, 64.
+Toothbrushes, care of, 20.
+Tooth washes, 19, 20.
+Toilet articles, care of, 22.
+Toilet, bachelor's, 17-24.
+Tonic for hair, 21.
+Towels for bath, 18.
+Traveling, etiquette of, abroad, 161-163.
+Traveling, etiquette of, in America, 160-162.
+Trousers, care of, 26, 27.
+Trousers, folding, 26.
+Trousers, white duck and flannel, 12.
+Trunk, or bag, packed for Friday to Monday visit, 89.
+Trunks, how to pack, 160.
+Trunks, traveling with, 161.
+Turkish baths, 22.
+Tuxedo coat, when to wear, 15.
+
+Umbrella, how to carry, 7.
+Usher, dress of, 184.
+Ushers, duties of, at wedding, 186, 187.
+
+Valet, dress of, 99, 100.
+Valet, duties of, 98-100.
+Visiting cards, 49-53.
+Visiting cards, leaving, mailing, sending, 51-53.
+Visiting cards, style of, 49, 50.
+Visiting, country house, 85-93.
+Visiting, fashionable time for, in New York, 43.
+Visitors at clubs, 131, 132.
+Von, use of title, 168.
+
+Walking, etiquette of, 1-8.
+Walking, proper style of, 7.
+Waltzing, 109.
+Wedding, announcement, cards, 176.
+Wedding, church, 184-186.
+Wedding etiquette, 172-193.
+Wedding expenses, 177.
+Wedding, house, 188.
+Wedding, hour fashionable for, 172.
+Wedding receptions, 188, 189.
+Weddings, divorcee's and widow's, 176, 192.
+Weddings, English and French, 144, 145.
+Wheeling, etiquette of, 144, 145.
+Wheeling, proper dress for, 145.
+Whisky, Scotch, 73.
+
+Yachting, club rules for, cruise, 149-151.
+Yachting, etiquette of, 148-152.
+Yachting, proper dress for, 149.
+Yachting, proper uniform for officers and crew, 152.
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+[Transcriber's Note: The following typographical errors from the
+original edition have been corrected. No other corrections have been
+made to the original text. In addition, page references in the index
+contain numerous minor and several major inaccuracies. In most cases,
+the HTML version links to the nearest relevant section; in one case, no
+link has been provided.
+
+In Chapter II, "Evening dress is _de rigeur_" has been changed to
+"Evening dress is _de rigueur_".
+
+In Chapter VII, "conveyed thereform in carriages" has been changed to
+"conveyed therefrom in carriages".
+
+In Chapter VIII, "Chatreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac" has been
+changed to "Chartreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac".
+
+In Chapter XIX, "carriages for the cortége" has been changed to
+"carriages for the cortège", "unless the cortége has been differently
+arranged" has been changed to "unless the cortège has been differently
+arranged", and "the intimate friends of the bridegroom of his relations"
+has been changed to "the intimate friends of the bridegroom or his
+relations".
+
+In Chapter XX, a missing quotation mark has been added at the end of the
+sentence "Servants have and keep 'company.'"]
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COMPLETE BACHELOR ***
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+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Complete Bachelor
+       Manners for Men
+
+Author: Walter Germain
+
+Release Date: July 2, 2008 [EBook #25950]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COMPLETE BACHELOR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Steven desJardins and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<h1>The Complete Bachelor</h1>
+
+<h2>Manners for Men</h2>
+
+<h2>By the Author of the
+"As Seen by Him" Papers</h2>
+
+<h3>With Index</h3>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 170px;">
+<img src="images/logo.png" width="170" height="200" alt="Publisher&#39;s logo" title="inter folia fructus" />
+</div>
+
+<p class="center">New York<br />
+D. Appleton and Company<br />
+1896</p>
+
+<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Copyright</span>, 1896,<br />
+<span class="smcap">BY</span> D. APPLETON AND COMPANY.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[Pg v]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="PREFACE" id="PREFACE"></a>PREFACE.</h2>
+
+
+<p>I suppose a book of this character needs some excuse. The world is full
+of volumes written on etiquette, and, in adding another to the number,
+my plea for filling the want long felt may seem ridiculous. But I have
+an excellent reason, and that is, that in all treatises of this
+character I have found the bachelor sadly neglected.</p>
+
+<p>For many years, while conducting the query or "agony department" in
+Vogue, I received letters from all parts of the United States asking for
+information on certain details of etiquette which seem to have been
+overlooked by the compilers or writers of etiquette manuals. My
+correspondents always wanted these questions answered from the New York
+standpoint. All this I have endeavored to do in this volume. I have
+devoted a chapter to sports. In this I have made no attempt to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vi" id="Page_vi">[Pg vi]</a></span>give the
+rules of the various pastimes therein enumerated. I have simply jotted
+down some points which I hope may be of use to the outsider.</p>
+
+<p>In the chapter on dancing I have taken the Patriarchs' Ball in New York
+as my standard of subscription entertainments of this character. I have
+also written about cotillons as they are conducted in New York. I have
+endeavored to be plain and lucid. I only desired that this book should
+be a help to my reader in any dilemma of social import, and if I shall
+have proved of assistance, I shall feel that my mission has been
+accomplished, and that I have reached the goal of my ambition.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vii" id="Page_vii">[Pg vii]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS.</h2>
+
+<table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" summary="Table of Contents">
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum"><span style="font-size: 0.8em;">CHAPTER</span></td>
+<td class="chapname">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="chappage"><span style="font-size: 0.8em;">PAGE</span></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="chapname">Preface</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#PREFACE">v</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">I.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The bachelor in public</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_I">1</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">II.</td>
+<td class="chapname">How a bachelor should dress</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_II">10</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">III.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The bachelor's toilet</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_III">17</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">IV.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The care of a bachelor's clothes</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV">24</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">V.</td>
+<td class="chapname">Introductions, invitations, and calls</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_V">41</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">VI.</td>
+<td class="chapname">Cards</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_VI">49</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">VII.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The diner-out</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_VII">54</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">VIII.</td>
+<td class="chapname">A code of table manners</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">62</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">IX.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The city bachelor as host</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_IX">74</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">X.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The country house</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_X">85</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">XI.</td>
+<td class="chapname">A bachelor's servants</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_XI">94</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">XII.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The dance</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_XII">102</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">XIII.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The cotillon</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">112</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">XIV.</td>
+<td class="chapname">A bachelor's letters</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV">119</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">XV.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The bachelor's club</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_XV">126</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">XVI.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The sporting bachelor</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI">136</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">XVII.</td>
+<td class="chapname">A bachelor's travels at home and abroad</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII">160</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">XVIII.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The engaged bachelor</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII">169</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">XIX.</td>
+<td class="chapname">The bachelor's wedding</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIX">172</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">XX.</td>
+<td class="chapname">Funerals</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#CHAPTER_XX">193</a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="chapnum">&nbsp;</td>
+<td class="chapname">Index</td>
+<td class="chappage"><a href="#INDEX">201</a></td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+
+<h1>THE COMPLETE BACHELOR.</h1>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC.</h3>
+
+<p>The average man is judged by his appearance and his deportment in
+public. His dress, his bearing, his conduct toward women and his
+fellow-men, are telling characteristics.</p>
+
+<p><a name="street" id="street"></a>In the street, when walking with a woman&mdash;the term "lady" being
+objectionable, except in case of distinction&mdash;every man should be on his
+mettle. Common sense, which is the basis of all etiquette, teaches him
+that he should be her protector. Therefore, under general circumstances,
+his place is on the street or outer side. Should there be a crowd on the
+inner side, should the walking be muddy or rough, or should there be a
+building in process of repair, or one or the other of the inconveniences
+of city life, then the man should take the side which will enable him to
+shield his fair com<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span>panion from all annoyance. At night a man offers his
+arm to a woman. In the daytime etiquette allows this only when the
+sidewalk is very rough, when there are steps to climb, a crowd to be
+piloted through, or a street crossing to effect. In any one of these
+emergencies suggest, "I think you will find it better to take my arm." A
+man never walks bodkin&mdash;that is, sandwiched between two women.</p>
+
+<p><a name="bowing" id="bowing"></a>It is the privilege of a woman to bow first. She may have reasons why
+she should not wish to continue an acquaintance, and a man should never
+take the initiative. Abroad, in many countries, the man bows first. When
+old friends meet, however, the bowing is simultaneous.</p>
+
+<p><a name="lifting_hat" id="lifting_hat"></a>A man lifts his hat in acknowledgment of any salutation made to the
+woman with whom he is walking. It is his place, on such an occasion, to
+bow to a man friend, whether the latter enjoys or does not have the
+pleasure of the acquaintance of the woman. A man's failure to do this
+signifies that the woman does not wish to know him, or that her
+companion does not wish her to know the other man.</p>
+
+<p>Hotel corridors and halls may be classed as semi-public places. A man
+meeting a woman <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span>in one of these, where by custom he is permitted to
+keep on his hat, must step aside and let her pass, raising his hat as he
+does so. <a name="theater" id="theater"></a>This does not apply to theater corridors, theater or hotel
+lobbies, or offices. In such houses as the Waldorf in New York, where
+the hall is utilized as a general sitting room by both sexes, it is not
+good form for a man to keep on his hat. In London, however, the rule is
+not as strict.</p>
+
+<p>Men in this country do not lift their hats to one another, except when
+they are introduced in the open or a public place. Civility is never
+wasted, and it is proper, as well as an act of reverence, to thus salute
+a clergyman or a venerable and distinguished gentleman.</p>
+
+<p>A man always lifts his hat when offering a woman a service, such as
+picking up or restoring to her a dropped pocket handkerchief or other
+article, or when passing a fare in a public conveyance, or when
+rendering any trifling assistance. Should she be with a male escort, the
+latter should raise his hat and thank the person who has rendered the
+service. This bit of politeness is under no circumstances the prelude to
+an acquaintance with an unescorted woman, and no gentleman would take
+advantage of it. A man always raises his hat <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span>and remains uncovered when
+talking to a woman.</p>
+
+<p><a name="acquaintances" id="acquaintances"></a>It is not good form to stop a woman on the street, even if the exchange
+of a few commonplace remarks be the excuse. A man never joins a woman on
+a thoroughfare unless she be one from whose friendship he is sure that
+he can claim this privilege.</p>
+
+<p><a name="carriage" id="carriage"></a>A gentleman always assists a woman in and out of a carriage or a public
+conveyance. He opens the door of the vehicle for her, helps her in by a
+deft motion of the right arm, and with his left protects her skirts from
+any possible mud or dust on the wheel. As he leaves her he closes the
+door, and, if it be a private conveyance, gives directions to the
+driver. He lifts his hat in bidding her good-by. Even when there is a
+footman, a second man, or an attendant, it should be esteemed a favor to
+give this assistance.</p>
+
+<p><a name="shops" id="shops"></a>In entering shops, theaters, or other buildings, where there are
+swinging doors, the escort goes ahead and holds one of them ajar,
+passing in last. A woman always precedes a man, except in one or two
+special cases. <a name="aisle" id="aisle"></a>A man precedes a woman walking down the aisle of a
+theater, and it is better form that he should take the inside seat,
+especially if there <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span>is a man occupying the place next to the vacant
+one. <a name="stairways" id="stairways"></a>A man precedes a woman up a narrow staircase in a public building,
+but in a private house, in ascending or descending a stairway, he should
+always allow the woman to precede him. <a name="theater_aisle" id="theater_aisle"></a>In entering a theater box a man
+follows the usher, preceding the woman down the theater corridor to the
+door of the box. He then holds this open, and the women precede him, he
+following them. <a name="church_aisles" id="church_aisles"></a>In a church, in going down a narrow aisle, the woman
+precedes the man.</p>
+
+<p><a name="elevator" id="elevator"></a>The lift or elevator, as well as the corridors and lobbies of a public
+building, the office of a hotel, and the vestibule of a theater, are
+public highways. In these places a man keeps on his hat, his deportment
+being the same as he would observe in the street. But when the lift or
+elevator is fitted up as a drawing room, such as is used in hotels and
+other semi-public buildings, a man removes his hat when the other sex is
+of the number of its passengers.</p>
+
+<p><a name="escorts" id="escorts"></a>When escorting a woman to a house where she is to make a visit, always
+mount the stoop or steps with her, ring the bell, and remain there until
+the servant comes to the door. Then, if you are not going in, take off
+your hat and leave her. <a name="restaurants" id="restaurants"></a>Restaurants, the dining <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span>rooms of hotels, roof
+gardens, and places of amusement in the open air, where refreshments are
+served, are semi-public.</p>
+
+<p><a name="standing" id="standing"></a>A man always rises from the table at which he is sitting when a woman
+bows to him and immediately returns the salutation. Should the place be
+in the open, he doffs his hat, which under such circumstances he is
+obliged to wear. When he is in a party and a lady and her escort chance
+to stop at his table to exchange greetings with his friends, he should
+rise and remain standing during the conversation. If a man is introduced
+to him, unattended by a woman, and he is with a stag party, politeness
+bids him also rise.</p>
+
+<p>A gentleman will never be seen in public with characters whom he could
+not introduce to his mother or his sister. A man when he is with a lady
+should be very careful, especially at roof gardens and such places in
+midsummer, about recognizing male acquaintances who seem to be in rather
+doubtful company.</p>
+
+<p><a name="stick" id="stick"></a>In walking, a man should carry either a stick or a well-rolled umbrella.
+The stick should be grasped just below the crook or knob, but the
+ferrule must be kept downward. In business hours or on business
+thoroughfares to carry a stick is an affectation, but the man <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span>of
+leisure is regarded leniently in these abodes as a privileged character.</p>
+
+<p><a name="umbrella" id="umbrella"></a>The umbrella is an instrument of peace rather than a weapon of war, and
+should not be carried as "trailed arms," but like the stick it should be
+grasped a short distance below the handle, and the latter held almost
+upright on a very slight perpendicular.</p>
+
+<p><a name="smoking" id="smoking"></a>In the presence of ladies, unless by special permission, a gentleman
+never smokes, and under no circumstances does he indulge in a weed while
+on the street or walking with them. If, while smoking, a man should meet
+a woman and there should be any stopping to talk, he must at once throw
+away his cigar or his cigarette. <a name="pipe" id="pipe"></a>A pipe is never smoked on fashionable
+promenades, and a man in a top hat and a frock coat with a pipe in his
+mouth is an anomaly. The pipe accompanies tweeds and a "pot" hat in the
+country or on business thoroughfares. A meerschaum or a wooden pipe is
+then allowable, but never a clay or a dudeen. The cuspidor is a banished
+instrument. The filthy custom of tobacco chewing and consequent
+expectoration can not be tolerated in civilized society.</p>
+
+<p><a name="walking_style" id="walking_style"></a>A gentleman is never hurried, nor does he loiter. The fashionable gait
+is comparatively <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>slow, with long steps. The exaggerated stride of the
+Anglomaniac is as bad form as the swagger of the Bowery "tough." The
+correct demeanor is without gesture or apparent effort.</p>
+
+<p><a name="staring" id="staring"></a>Staring at or ogling women, standing at the entrances of theaters,
+churches, or other public buildings, stopping still and turning back to
+look at some one or something in the street, can be classified as
+offenses of which no gentleman can be guilty.</p>
+
+<p><a name="crossing_legs" id="crossing_legs"></a>Free and easy attitudes are not tolerated in good society, and this same
+rule should apply to public conveyances. As the man who crosses his legs
+in the presence of ladies is absolutely impossible, so should be the
+individual who commits the same crime in a public conveyance. He not
+only proves a nuisance to those around him, but he is a source of damage
+as well as danger to the comfort and safety of his fellow-passengers.</p>
+
+<p><a name="seat" id="seat"></a>In a crowded car, ferryboat, or stage, it is yet a mooted question as to
+whether or not a man should give up his seat to a woman. In theory he
+should, but there are circumstances under which he may be pardoned. To a
+refined or delicate lady, to an old or an enfeebled woman, or one
+burdened with bundles or with a baby in the arms, the answer to this
+should <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>be a decided affirmative. In the South, this gallant action is
+universally practiced, except when the woman is a negress. In public
+conveyances a man should sit to the right of a woman.</p>
+
+<p><a name="escorts_2" id="escorts_2"></a><a name="fares" id="fares"></a>An escort should pay all fares in public conveyances, and should look
+after the comfort and welfare of his companion, taking entire charge of
+tickets, luggage, and luggage checks. Should a woman insist upon paying
+her <i>pro rata</i> of the expenses the arrangement can be made before
+starting, many sensible women handing their escorts their purses for the
+purpose. Do not offer to pay the fare of any of your women friends who
+might possibly enter your train or stage. This is embarrassing and not
+necessary. A railway car or carriage being a public conveyance, a man
+always keeps on his hat, as he also does in a cab or any other vehicle
+in which he is driving, accompanied or not accompanied by one of the
+opposite sex.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2>
+
+<h3>HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS.</h3>
+
+
+<p>There are three rules of dress which, for the ordinary man in his
+everyday life, might be resolved into two. These originally are morning,
+afternoon, and evening. Morning and evening are absolutely necessary;
+afternoon dress is donned on special occasions only.</p>
+
+<p><a name="morning_dress" id="morning_dress"></a><i>Morning dress</i> is that which is worn during business hours or at any
+time in any place, where semiformal dress is not required until
+candlelight or seven o'clock in the evening. <a name="lounge_suit" id="lounge_suit"></a>It consists usually in
+winter of a lounge or single-breasted sack suit made of many different
+kinds of material, the favorites being Scotch tweeds or black and blue
+cheviots, rough-faced and smooth. Fashions are liable to some variation
+season after season, and the general rule can only be laid down in a
+book of this kind.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span><a name="hat_derby_alpine" id="hat_derby_alpine"></a>With the morning or lounge dress in winter is worn the Derby or
+soft-felt Alpine hat, called the Hombourg. The Derbies are black, brown,
+or drab, and the felts are gray, brown, drab, or black. <a name="shirts" id="shirts"></a>The colored
+shirt with white standing or turned-down collar is the usual
+accompaniment to the lounge suit. The fashion for colored shirts in
+stripes has been that the patterns run up and down and not across the
+bosom. <a name="ties" id="ties"></a><a name="boots_russet" id="boots_russet"></a>The tie is a four-in-hand or an Ascot, or a simple bow, the boots
+black leather or dark-brown russet, and the gloves of tan or gray
+undressed kid or of dogskin. For ordinary business wear, suits of black
+or gray mixed cheviot, vicu&ntilde;a or worsted, or fancy Scotch goods, the
+coat of which is a "cutaway," are also popular; but the black diagonal
+"cutaway" has passed entirely out of fashion, and is utilized at present
+in riding costume.</p>
+
+<p>The lounge suit in summer is of blue flannel or very light cheviot or
+tweed. Straw hats are worn in place of Derbies and felts. Fashion
+sometimes dictates fancy waistcoats of linen to be worn with business
+suits; otherwise the entire costume&mdash;trousers, coat, and waistcoat&mdash;is
+of the same material.</p>
+
+<p>In the country, at the seaside, or in communities where golf, wheeling,
+tennis, yacht<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span>ing or other sports and pastimes are the order of the day,
+the costumes appropriate for these are in vogue for lounge or morning
+suits. This is what the English call "mufti." Such costumes are,
+however, not in good form in the city.</p>
+
+<p><a name="shoes" id="shoes"></a>Black leather, tan, or russet shoes are worn with morning dress. <a name="trousers_flannel" id="trousers_flannel"></a>White
+duck or flannel trousers, with black or blue cheviot coat and waistcoat,
+make fashionable lounge suits for summer resorts.</p>
+
+<p><a name="afternoon_dress" id="afternoon_dress"></a><a name="coats_frock" id="coats_frock"></a><i>Afternoon dress</i> consists of a double-breasted frock coat of soft
+cheviot, vicu&ntilde;a, or diagonal worsted with either waistcoat to
+match&mdash;single-breasted or double-breasted&mdash;of fancy cloth, Marseilles
+duck or piqu&eacute;; trousers of different material, usually cashmere, quiet
+in tone, with a striped pattern on a dark gray, drab, or blue
+background; <a name="boots" id="boots"></a>boots of patent leather, buttoned, not tied; a white or
+colored shirt with straight standing white collar; <a name="ties_2" id="ties_2"></a>a four-in-hand,
+puffed Ascot, or small club tie; <a name="top_hat" id="top_hat"></a>silk hat and undressed gray, tan, or
+brown kid gloves. <a name="shirts_colored" id="shirts_colored"></a>The colored shirt is an innovation, and it should be
+used sparingly, white linen on any semiformal function being in better
+form. When spats are used they should be of brown, gray, or drab cloth
+or canvas, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>to match the trousers as nearly as possible. Some ultra
+faddists wear white kid gloves with afternoon dress, but the fashion is
+not universal.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dress_all_times" id="dress_all_times"></a><a name="afternoon_dress_2" id="afternoon_dress_2"></a>Afternoon dress, is the attire for weddings&mdash;for the bridegroom, best
+man, ushers, and male guests; at afternoon teas, afternoon receptions,
+afternoon calls, afternoon walks on the fashionable avenue, garden
+parties (but not picnics), luncheons, and, in fact, at all formal or
+semiformal functions taking place between midday and candlelight, as
+well as at church on Sundays, at funerals, and in the park in London
+after midday.</p>
+
+<p><a name="coats_frock_2" id="coats_frock_2"></a>Gray frock-coat suits are recent introductions from London, and have
+been worn at all the functions at which the black is required, but the
+latter is more conservative and in better taste. The afternoon dress is
+seldom worn in midsummer, morning suits being allowable at seaside and
+mountain-resort day functions.</p>
+
+<p><a name="evening_dress" id="evening_dress"></a><i>Evening dress</i> is the proper attire, winter or summer, on all occasions
+after candlelight. There are two kinds of evening dress, formal and
+informal.</p>
+
+<p><a name="evening_dress_formal" id="evening_dress_formal"></a>Formal or "full" evening dress, as it is sometimes vulgarly called,
+consists of the evening or "swallowtail" coat of black dress worsted or
+soft-faced vicu&ntilde;a, with or without <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>silk or satin facing, with waistcoat
+and trousers of the same material, the latter plain or with a braid down
+the sides. The "dress" waistcoat can also be of white duck or piqu&eacute;, in
+which case it is double-breasted. The shape of the dress waistcoat shows
+the shirt bosom in the form of a "U."</p>
+
+<p>The evening shirt is of plain white linen, with two shirt buttons and
+link cuffs, straight standing collar, <a name="ties_3" id="ties_3"></a>white lawn or linen tie. The
+gloves are white with white stitching, the hose of black silk, <a name="handkerchiefs" id="handkerchiefs"></a>and the
+handkerchief, which must be present but not seen, of plain white linen.
+<a name="shoes_2" id="shoes_2"></a>The shoes are patent-leather pumps or "low quarters," tied, not
+buttoned.</p>
+
+<p><a name="overcoats" id="overcoats"></a>The overcoat is an Inverness of black cheviot, lined with satin and
+without sleeves, <a name="hat_opera" id="hat_opera"></a>and the hat a crush opera. These two latter adjuncts
+are not indispensable, but most convenient. An ordinary black overcoat
+and top hat can be worn with evening dress. No visible jewelry&mdash;not even
+a watch chain&mdash;is allowed. The shirt buttons are either of white enamel,
+dull-finished gold, or pearls, and the sleeve links white-enameled or
+lozenge-shaped disks of gold, with a monogram thereon engraved.</p>
+
+<p>Evening dress is <i>de rigeur</i> at balls, dances, evening receptions,
+evening weddings, din<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span>ners, suppers, the opera, and the theater, when
+calling after candlelight, and in fact at any formal evening function
+and generally when ladies are present.</p>
+
+<p><a name="evening_dress_informal" id="evening_dress_informal"></a><a name="tuxedo" id="tuxedo"></a>Informal evening dress differs from formal in the wearing of the Tuxedo
+or dinner coat in place of the "swallowtail," and the substitution of a
+black silk for a white lawn tie.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dinner_coat" id="dinner_coat"></a>The dinner coat is of black worsted or vicu&ntilde;a, satin-faced. It is the
+badge of informality. Formerly it was only worn at the club, at small
+stag dinners, and on occasions when ladies were not present. Now it is
+in vogue during the summer at hotel hops and at small informal parties
+to the play, at bowling parties, restaurant dinners, and, in fact, on
+any occasion which is not formal. From June to October men wear it in
+town every evening without overcoat.</p>
+
+<p><a name="top_hat_2" id="top_hat_2"></a>As the dinner jacket is short, a top or silk hat can not be worn with
+it. <a name="hat_straw" id="hat_straw"></a>The proper headgear in winter is a black felt soft hat, in summer a
+straw.</p>
+
+<p>The dinner jacket is becoming a necessity. It is worn also by all youths
+and boys from twelve years to seventeen, at which latter period they can
+assume the <i>toga virilis</i> or swallowtail.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>I here append a few cautionary hints which must be taken if you wish to
+dress well.</p>
+
+<p><a name="scarves" id="scarves"></a><a name="ties_4" id="ties_4"></a>All scarves and ties should be tied by one's self. Made-up neckwear of
+any kind is not worn by well-groomed men.</p>
+
+<p>White evening waistcoats and Tuxedo coats do not agree; black is only
+allowable.</p>
+
+<p><a name="jewelry" id="jewelry"></a>Jewelry is vulgar. The ring for a man is a seal of either green or red
+stone, or of plain burnished gold with the seal or monogram engraved
+upon it. It must be worn on the little finger.</p>
+
+<p><a name="chains" id="chains"></a>Watch chains and watch fobs are not in vogue. Watches and latchkeys are
+attached to a key chain and hidden in the trousers pocket. <a name="diamonds" id="diamonds"></a>Diamonds are
+only in good form when set in a scarf pin, and even then they are in
+questionable taste. Diamond buttons and diamond rings are absolutely
+vulgar.</p>
+
+<p><a name="overcoats_chesterfield" id="overcoats_chesterfield"></a>The fashionable overcoat in winter is a Chesterfield or single-breasted
+frock of kersey or like material in brown, blue, or black, with velvet
+collar. For autumn and spring the tan covert coat is in vogue.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE BACHELOR'S TOILET.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="toilet" id="toilet"></a><a name="bath_bachelor" id="bath_bachelor"></a>The first care of a bachelor is his bath or tub. To-day,
+houses&mdash;especially clubs and bachelor apartments&mdash;are fitted up so
+luxuriously that each tenant has his own individual tiled bathroom,
+which he uses also as a dressing room. But where these are not, the tin
+or the India-rubber bath tub serves as well the purpose of our first
+ablution. A cold bath to many is a good refresher and awakener, but
+there are others again whose constitutions can not stand the shock,
+especially in winter, of icy-cold water. For cleansing purposes, tepid
+water is best, or a mixture of hot and cold, so as to take the chill
+off.</p>
+
+<p>A gentleman takes at least one tub a day, and that, as may be inferred
+from the previous remarks, when he arises. If the tub is in the bedroom,
+have a rubber cloth placed under, and fill it only half full. The sponge
+is used <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>for the bath, the wash rag for the washstand. The body should
+have a thorough soaping. The soap should be either Castile or a pure
+unscented glycerin. Sweet-scented soaps, perfumery, and sweet waters of
+all kinds should be eschewed. <a name="towels" id="towels"></a>The Turkish towel is the best for drying,
+and it should be vigorously but not roughly applied. A flesh brush may
+be also used with comfort. As soon as the body is perfectly dry the bath
+robe or large Turkish towel, which some prefer to wrap themselves in,
+like Indians, should be resumed and shaving begun.</p>
+
+<p><a name="beard" id="beard"></a>Every man should learn to shave himself. Razors are very delicate
+instruments and should be kept in thorough order. Safety razors with
+little blades for each day in the week are excellent, but if you use the
+ordinary razor add to your collection from time to time, until you have
+at least half a dozen. Once a month send these to a barber to be
+stropped, and strop them yourself both before and after using. Wipe them
+dry with a piece of chamois cloth and put them back in their cases. The
+best strop is of Russia leather or of canvas.</p>
+
+<p>Warm water is not absolutely necessary for shaving, as some beards are
+soft and resist heat.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span><a name="brushes" id="brushes"></a>If possible, arrange a shaving stand with a triplicate mirror and places
+for your razors, shaving mug, brush, and soap. You can purchase one of
+these, with the entire outfit, for a few dollars at any of the large
+city shops. A ring or little silver or metal hook for shaving paper can
+be placed on one side of the stand. A cleanly man shaves every morning.
+After shaving, wash the face with a little warm water and wipe it
+thoroughly dry. <a name="chafed_faces" id="chafed_faces"></a>Add to the water a few drops of ammonia or of Pond's
+extract, if the skin is liable to chap.</p>
+
+<p>In the fashion of beards, the clean or smooth-shaven face, the pointed
+beard, and the simple mustache are those generally in vogue. Should you
+wear a beard, you should have for it a special comb and brush.</p>
+
+<p><a name="eye_bath" id="eye_bath"></a>A small tin basin, a package of sea salt, and a special wash rag are the
+requisites for a morning eye bath. Sea salt and warm water are
+recommended by oculists as the best tonic for the eyes.</p>
+
+<p><a name="teeth" id="teeth"></a>The teeth next claim your attention. There is nothing more disgusting
+than foul breath, which comes frequently from neglected teeth. Use a
+soft toothbrush. Avoid patent tooth washes and lotions. An excellent
+tooth powder is made of two thirds French chalk, one <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span>third orris root,
+and a pinch of myrrh. Any chemist will put this up for fifteen cents.
+Tepid and not cold water should be used. In rinsing the mouth a drop or
+two of listerine added to the water is excellent. Teeth should be
+brushed at least twice a day&mdash;morning and evening. Never use soap on
+your toothbrush. Get a spool of dental silk&mdash;it will cost you eight
+cents&mdash;and draw the thread between your teeth before you retire, so as
+to remove any substance which might have got into a crevice. And, above
+all, have your teeth examined carefully by a good dentist at least twice
+a year.</p>
+
+<p>See that your toothbrush is sweet and clean, and place it handle down in
+the tooth mug.</p>
+
+<p><a name="hands" id="hands"></a>The hands should be well washed and dried, tepid water, scentless soap,
+and a smooth towel being used. <a name="nails" id="nails"></a>The nails should have a vigorous rubbing
+with a good nailbrush in the morning before your meals and before you go
+to bed at night. The nail file and nail scissors must be used as often
+as possible. Remember, dirty finger nails betray the vulgar and the
+unkempt. A man with dirty hands is impossible.</p>
+
+<p>The nails should not be pointed, but well <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span>rounded and kept free of bits
+of callous skin around the base, called "hangnails." Finger nails should
+be kept short, just a bit beyond the fleshy tip of the finger.</p>
+
+<p><a name="feet" id="feet"></a>The nails of the toes should be kept as carefully as those of the hands.
+In summer a little talcum powder on the feet will prevent the odor of
+perspiration.</p>
+
+<p><a name="hair" id="hair"></a>The fashions for parting the hair change with the times. At present it
+is the direct part in the middle which is most fashionable. Very young
+men wear their hair unusually long, but this fad is uncleanly. The hair
+should be cut at least once a month, and a glimpse of the skin of the
+neck should always intervene between the roots and the collar.</p>
+
+<p><a name="tonic" id="tonic"></a>Pomatums and greases and scents of all kinds are sticky and injurious.
+If you suffer with dryness of the scalp rub a little vaseline into it
+occasionally. Washings with tar soap or with a little alcohol and
+rosemary are beneficial. <a name="hairbrushes" id="hairbrushes"></a>The scalp should be well brushed with
+moderately firm but not hard bristles. The best brushes are those
+without handles, known as army and navy. Water is bad for the hair.
+Constant combing with a fine-tooth comb is apt to irritate the scalp and
+provoke dandruff, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>which can be allayed by brushing, shampooing, and the
+use of borax and warm water.</p>
+
+<p><a name="bath_turkish" id="bath_turkish"></a>Turkish or Russian baths are beneficial now and then, and the vigorous
+massage after a thorough steaming is admirable for the skin. A man
+should be scrupulously neat about his toilet articles and appliances. In
+your bathroom you should have a rack for your coarse and fine towels.
+Always place the towel you have used at the side of a stationary or on
+the back of a movable tub to dry. See that the soap is removed from your
+sponges, and once a fortnight clean them in one quarter of an ounce of
+borax dissolved in tepid water. Let them soak for an hour, and squeeze
+them out in clean water.</p>
+
+<p><a name="hairbrushes_2" id="hairbrushes_2"></a>Hairbrushes are washed in a little soda put into a quart of hot water.
+The brush must be dipped downward so as not to wet the back. When they
+are cleansed they can be rinsed in cold water and stood on their side,
+after the water is shaken out, until quite dry.</p>
+
+<p>Nailbrushes must be turned on their sides, after using, so that the
+water will not soak in and crack their backs.</p>
+
+<p><a name="toilet_articles" id="toilet_articles"></a>A man's toilet articles, whether in silver or wood, should be of one
+distinctive style and material. Tooth and nail brushes should never
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>have silver handles, but hair and clothes brushes with silver backs are
+very smart. They should be kept polished with a chamois cloth, and
+occasionally a little silver polish or whiting. Your bureau or dressing
+table is the place for the hair and clothes brushes, the combs, the
+toilet mirror, nail files, nail scissors, and such smaller articles.
+Your nail and tooth brushes and soaps go on the wash-hand stand. Your
+sponges are best put in a little wire basket at the side of the
+wash-hand stand, or the immovable washstand if your room or bathroom has
+the latter convenience.</p>
+
+<p>Your bedroom should be ventilated and all the windows opened after you
+leave it, and you should have at least one window up during your
+sleeping hours. If you have a movable tub see that it is aired each
+morning after using.</p>
+
+<p><a name="changing" id="changing"></a>Always make a change of clothes and of shoes when you come in from a
+busy day and from the street. Nothing ruins clothes so much as lounging
+about your room in them. And last but not least, as it contains the
+essential of all these rules and hints, be always immaculately clean.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="clothes_care_of" id="clothes_care_of"></a>There are comparatively few men who can afford the luxury of a good
+valet, and that personage himself, when found thoroughly competent, is
+indeed a treasure. But it is an absurd mistake for any one to think that
+a valet is a necessity. If you take a quarter of an hour for the care of
+your clothes every day, you can be just as well turned out as if you
+hired an expensive servant. Even if you have indulged in the luxury of a
+valet, you yourself should know all about looking after your wardrobe.</p>
+
+<p><a name="shirts_2" id="shirts_2"></a><a name="changing_2" id="changing_2"></a>Whenever you change your clothes you should first empty all your
+pockets. <a name="clothes_brushes" id="clothes_brushes"></a><a name="clothes_folding" id="clothes_folding"></a>Then, as soon as each garment is removed, it should be
+vigorously shaken and brushed before it is folded and put away. <a name="coats_care" id="coats_care"></a>Never
+hang coats, trousers, or waistcoats; always fold them. Wire coat hangers
+and trousers stretchers ruin clothes. Whisk brooms are useful only when
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>an extra-vigorous treatment is desired. Take a clothes brush and give
+your coat, as soon as you take it off, a thorough brushing, and hold it
+to the light, so that no particle of dust may escape your eye. The coat
+is then folded exactly in half lengthwise, sleeve to sleeve, the lining
+on the outside. With evening coats it is sometimes necessary to fold the
+sleeves in half, owing to the shortness of the waist. In packing a trunk
+the same method is used, only the sleeves are stuffed with tissue paper
+to avoid possible wrinkles.</p>
+
+<p><a name="overcoats_2" id="overcoats_2"></a>Large and bulky garments, such as overcoats and frock coats, should be
+folded in triplicate. Lay the coat flat on a table and first fold on
+both sides, the right and the left, so much of the lapel and collar
+lengthwise as will cover the sleeve. This will make two folds from the
+top of the collar to the bottom of the skirt. Then fold the coat again
+in half lengthwise, using the back as a hinge. You will find the same
+principle illustrated by a cook with a pancake. The waistcoat is folded
+in half, with the lining on the outside. Always take off your shoes and
+unbutton the braces before you remove your trousers, and fold them over
+the back of a chair, which is to serve you as a clothes rack. Take the
+trousers <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span>by the waist and place together the first two suspender
+buttons, one on the left and the other on the right. This will make the
+fold preserve the natural crease and dispose of the extra material,
+button and buttonhole tab at the waist. <a name="trousers" id="trousers"></a>Trousers carefully folded will
+only need pressing about twice a year. Hose should be well shaken, and
+unless perfectly clean, thrown in the soiled-linen basket. Evening silk
+hose can be worn several times. The undervest, or undershirt, and the
+drawers should be also subjected to a vigorous shaking, and hung on the
+back of the same chair where you have already placed your hose. All
+these intimate garments are to be aired, and the chair on which you have
+hung them taken to the window.</p>
+
+<p><a name="closets" id="closets"></a>Use a closet and a chest of drawers for your clothes. If you are in very
+limited quarters, six drawers and a trunk should be sufficient for all
+your belongings. The evening clothes occupy one drawer or shelf, and the
+morning and afternoon suits the other or two others. The remainder will
+be for linen, underclothing, ties, and handkerchiefs.</p>
+
+<p>Between each suit of clothes there should be laid a newspaper; those
+publications which use the blackest of printer's ink&mdash;the surest
+an<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>tidote for moths&mdash;being the best for this purpose. Cover the top of
+each pile of clothes, when the drawer or shelf is full, with a clean
+towel.</p>
+
+<p><a name="handkerchiefs_2" id="handkerchiefs_2"></a>In a chest with four drawers the bottom one should be used for
+underclothes, the top for handkerchiefs, hose, and ties, and the two
+intermediate for your linen. The closet will have to serve for your
+suits of clothes, or, in lieu of that, your trunk. Otherwise the
+last-mentioned receptacle is the place for clothes out of season,
+carefully laid away with a full complement of newspaper and camphor.</p>
+
+<p>When you remove your shirt at night, or when you change for dinner, be
+careful to take out the buttons and sleeve links, unless you intend to
+wear the garment again. In that case, hang it up in your closet.</p>
+
+<p>The first gift which a bachelor usually receives from his sister or his
+sweetheart is a handkerchief case, and I hardly need advise you to
+purchase what is a standard Christmas offering. Keep your handkerchiefs
+in this, your neatly folded ties in the second division of the drawer,
+and your hose in the third. If you should have a silver and plush
+pincushion with a movable top, your small articles of jew<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>elry go in its
+interior, or in a small box in the top drawer.</p>
+
+<p><a name="hat_care" id="hat_care"></a>Silk hats, Derbies, and <a name="alpine_hats" id="alpine_hats"></a>Alpines or soft-felt hats should never be
+brushed with a whisk broom. <a name="brushes_2" id="brushes_2"></a>A hatter will sell you for a small sum a
+soft brush with a pliable plush back, which will do for smoothing your
+silk hat, the bristles to be applied in removing the dust. A silk
+handkerchief will also smooth a silk hat. Frequent ironing destroys the
+nap. Straw hats can be cleaned by first rubbing them over with the half
+of a lemon, then taking an old nail brush and some brown soap and water
+and giving it a vigorous brushing. Then you should take heavy books and
+lay them on the brim of the hat. An old pincushion or several towels
+rolled into a firm ball, or a book which will fit exactly, should be
+placed inside the crown. Allow the hat to dry, and do not remove the
+weights until this is accomplished. You will find your straw as good as
+new and the shape preserved. The writer has tried this with great
+success.</p>
+
+<p><a name="shoes_3" id="shoes_3"></a><a name="boots_2" id="boots_2"></a>Boots and shoes when not in use should be put on wooden trees to keep
+them in shape. As trees are rather expensive, one can use paper and
+stuff it inside the boot or shoe. This will not prove a bad substitute.
+With <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>patent leathers, paper or cotton stuffed in the toes prevents the
+leather from wrinkling, and in this instance the very cheap material is
+better than the more expensive appliance. Patent leathers must be
+creamed and rubbed with a chamois cloth or linen or flannel rag after
+all mud and dust have first been removed. This operation should be
+repeated daily. Some men maintain that patent leathers should be
+varnished as soon as they come home from the bootmaker, but I disagree
+with them. A varnished patent leather has always a cheap look, and the
+coat of veneer is only applied as a last resort, to hide the cracks.
+<a name="shoes_russet_2" id="shoes_russet_2"></a>Russet boots and shoes are treated daily with the special cream sold for
+them, which can be obtained at any bootmaker's or shoe shop. The price
+is small, and the stuff will last a long time. Russet boots, however,
+can be very well treated with a little vaseline, but that product will
+not give them the deep-brown color which is so fashionable. The soles of
+boots and shoes should be painted black. When a man is obliged to kneel
+in any ceremony, the sight of white or yellow gleaming soles is absurd.</p>
+
+<p>In wet weather it is absolutely necessary to turn up the bottoms of your
+trousers, to keep them from fraying.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span><a name="overhauling_clothes" id="overhauling_clothes"></a>I would suggest a general overhauling of clothes about once a month. <a name="clothes_packing" id="clothes_packing"></a>At
+the end of each season the heavy or light garments should receive a
+final brushing and be stored away in a trunk, chest, or spare room with,
+as I have already advised, newspapers between them, and some camphor or
+moth destroyer as an extra precaution. Overcoats, which are in such
+general use, may be hung during their season of service, but should be
+frequently brushed and well shaken.</p>
+
+<p>The economy of space thus observed in the arrangement of clothes in a
+room will make it an easy matter when about to travel to pack one's
+wardrobe in a trunk.</p>
+
+<p><a name="shoe_bag" id="shoe_bag"></a>A shoe bag is a great convenience. A simple canvas arrangement can be
+purchased very cheaply, or one of your fair friends can make you one.
+Your shoes should be placed in this and put at the bottom of the trunk
+in a corner. Otherwise you should wrap your shoes and boots in paper. If
+you travel with two trunks, one should be reserved for your outer
+garments and the other for your shirts and underclothes. With one trunk,
+a shirt box is as much an article to be desired as a shoe bag, but in
+lieu of this the shirts should be placed in the first or top tray, the
+underclothes and hose in the sec<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span>ond, and the outer garments in the
+bottom. A small space in the top can be reserved for your ties and
+handkerchiefs. Toilet articles are carried in a hand bag; waterproofs,
+overcoats, and umbrellas and walking sticks in a shawl strap. Your silk
+hat has but one place, and that is in a hatbox. You can put a Derby in a
+corner of a trunk but a silk hat would be ruined.</p>
+
+<p>When a long journey is taken, it is economy in the end to purchase an
+extra steamer trunk for your underclothes and linen. Trunks are not
+expensive, and you will find that by not crowding your clothes you will
+save in the long run.</p>
+
+<p><a name="grease" id="grease"></a>Always keep in your room a small bottle of a good grease-remover as well
+as one of ammonia, some soft rags, and a chamois for general cleaning
+purposes. An expenditure of a little over a quarter of a dollar will
+provide you with these necessaries.</p>
+
+<p>Never lounge around your room in your street or evening dress. If you
+are to stay awhile, or if you come in for the night, take off your
+clothes and put on a bath robe or your pyjamas if you do not possess a
+dressing gown, which is not a necessity.</p>
+
+<p>At your office you should always have an <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>old coat to wear, and if it be
+summer have one of linen. <a name="shirts_3" id="shirts_3"></a>To sit around in one's shirt sleeves, even at
+one's place of business, is not characteristic of the gentleman.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center"><a name="clothes_cost" id="clothes_cost"></a><span class="smcap">The Cost of Clothes.</span></p>
+
+<p>Every young man starting in life and wishing naturally to take a part in
+social functions and to become a member of that body indefinitely known
+as society, is confronted with the problem of clothes. A few years ago
+the ordinary changes of morning, afternoon, and evening were all that
+were requisite, but to-day, with special costumes for various sports and
+pastimes, the outlook at first glance to one of limited income is not
+encouraging. And yet a man with a modest salary can dress very well on
+two to three hundred dollars a year, and even less. It is only the first
+step which costs. One must have a foundation or a slight capital with
+which to start. After that with a little care expenses can be easily
+regulated.</p>
+
+<p><a name="evening_dress_2" id="evening_dress_2"></a>The evening suit is the most expensive essential of a man's wardrobe.
+This he is obliged to have. I would advise, in selecting a suit of this
+kind, to have it of good material <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>from a good tailor, after a model not
+too pronounced, so that in case of any small alteration in the fashions
+it can survive a season or two. With proper care your evening suit
+should last at least five years. During the first two or three it should
+be your costume for formal occasions. During the third season you might
+possibly have another pair of trousers made or renew the waistcoat or
+even the coat. When you find yourself, thus by the principles of the
+doctrine of the survival of the fittest, the possessor of two evening
+suits, use the old one for theaters and small dinners, and the best for
+the formal functions. White waistcoats are very smart for evening wear,
+and an investment in one or two of these during the course of a season
+will save the waistcoat of the evening suit. <a name="coats_cost" id="coats_cost"></a>The prices of evening suits
+vary. The most fashionable Fifth Avenue tailors charge as much as one
+hundred and twenty-five dollars for them. Some men argue that this sum
+insures an excellent investment. However, you can have an excellent one
+made by a good tailor for an outlay of about forty dollars. The large
+retail clothing shops have a custom department, and that is their figure
+for an evening suit made to order. You can even have one for twenty-five
+dollars, but I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>would not spend a less amount. Superintend the making of
+it yourself. Some men have adjustable figures, and they can purchase
+their clothes from the block&mdash;that is, ready-made. The only fault to
+find with these garments is their machinelike cut. The pockets, if any,
+the lines, the binding, and the entire get-up look as if these affairs
+had been turned out by the dozen.</p>
+
+<p>White waistcoats for evening wear are, however, somewhat in the nature
+of luxuries. They are difficult to have laundered, and some very smart
+men object to having them sent to the wash, and would not wear one after
+it has gone through that process. The Fifth Avenue tailor will charge as
+much as twenty dollars for a white duck waistcoat made to order. It may
+fit you perfectly, but yet again it may not look a whit better than the
+ready-made which you can purchase at a haberdasher's for from three to
+five dollars.</p>
+
+<p><a name="coats_dinner_2" id="coats_dinner_2"></a>A Tuxedo or dinner coat, as explained in another chapter, is almost a
+necessity. It is really a saving. <a name="coats_dinner_cost" id="coats_dinner_cost"></a>If you can not afford to have an
+entire suit of this kind made you may simply have the jacket, which will
+cost from twenty-five to forty dollars, and wear it with the trousers
+and waistcoat, and keep it to be part of your informal evening dress.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>I have known men to have their black sack coats or old black diagonal
+cutaways or old evening coat changed into a Tuxedo by the cutting off of
+tails, the substitution of a silk collar, or some other alteration. A
+sack coat is easily arranged, and any little tailor around the corner
+will make the metamorphosis for three dollars. Suppose you have had one
+of your old coats transformed into a Tuxedo. You can purchase, if you do
+not wish to have made, a pair of black trousers of the same material for
+a very few dollars, and an old black waistcoat, which went with the
+original coat, can also be altered. Remember that a Tuxedo dinner coat
+has not to be of a certain material. It must be black and have a silk
+collar. It is really <i>neglig&eacute;</i>.</p>
+
+<p><a name="shirts_4" id="shirts_4"></a>You should start with a capital of at least six evening shirts. If you
+are a wealthy man these will cost possibly, made to order, as high as
+fifty-six dollars, but you can also have excellent ones for nine
+dollars. It is considered smart to have the collars attached, but not
+necessary. The cuffs, however, should be always a part of the shirt.</p>
+
+<p><a name="ties_5" id="ties_5"></a>White ties are twenty-five to thirty-five cents a piece. Always state
+the number of collar you wear when purchasing evening ties, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>and you
+will never have cause to complain of the length.</p>
+
+<p><a name="shoes_4" id="shoes_4"></a>Black patent-leather pumps, made to order, are from eight to nine
+dollars. You can get them much cheaper ready made, but the only trouble
+with them is that they are not usually good fits, and that in future
+years you will have cause to regret this economy. Of black silk
+stockings, of which you will need two or three pair, you can have a
+choice from a dollar and a half to six dollars a pair.</p>
+
+<p>I would advise the purchase of two business or lounge suits a year for
+the first three years. In making this estimate I can hardly suppose that
+you are in the state of Adam, and I would advise you to wear your old
+suit in winter especially, and on rainy and stormy days. Your overcoat
+will conceal it in the street, and at the office the older the clothes
+the better. The pivotal points of a man are his hat, boots, and tie.
+Have these perfectly correct, and the rest will take care of itself.</p>
+
+<p>For winter buy a thick, useful cloth, such as Scotch homespun or rough
+cheviot or tweed. Brown and gray mixtures are always fashionable and
+wear well.</p>
+
+<p>In summer a light-gray check or a blue cheviot or flannel are always
+smart.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>Thus making an old suit of the year before alternate with the new one,
+you will find that eighty dollars will be sufficient to help you be a
+well-groomed man.</p>
+
+<p><a name="shirts_5" id="shirts_5"></a>A half dozen colored shirts for morning wear are necessary, with
+attached cuffs but detached collars. Every now and then I would invest a
+few dollars in shirts, and before you know it you will have a large
+supply. As dress shirts grow old send them to be repaired at any of the
+many places which you will find advertised, and use them for morning
+shirts.</p>
+
+<p>Six changes of underwear&mdash;merino or wool&mdash;and a dozen balbriggan or
+woolen hose will be sufficient. Summer underwear is very cheap, and you
+can get a light merino suit for one dollar. A four-dollar investment
+will last several seasons. Good winter underwear is expensive, costing
+four or five dollars a suit.</p>
+
+<p>Pyjamas of Madras or pongee silk, very effective and pretty, can be had
+for a dollar and a half to three dollars a suit. Four suits of
+these&mdash;two for summer and two for winter&mdash;will last at least two years.</p>
+
+<p><a name="boots_3" id="boots_3"></a>A man must have, besides his dancing pumps, a pair of patent-leather
+walking boots and a pair of stout common boots for everyday wear. If you
+can afford it, have two pair <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span>of boots made at the same time, or even
+more. An investment of fifty dollars in boots, at say eight dollars a
+pair, would be excellent. You can change daily, and they will last you
+over a period of two or three or more years.</p>
+
+<p>The afternoon suit is more or less a luxury. Unless you frequent
+afternoon teas or make many afternoon calls, or act as an usher at
+weddings in any city but New York, the frock coat is not, for the first
+three or four years of your career, an absolute necessity. In New York,
+however, where calls are only made in the afternoon, it must form a part
+of your wardrobe.</p>
+
+<p><a name="coats_cost_2" id="coats_cost_2"></a>A frock coat can be made for forty or fifty dollars; seventy-five to one
+hundred dollars is charged by the most expensive tailors. When you order
+it, see that it is not in the extreme of fashion. The conservative
+garment will last a number of years. The material, as I have already
+suggested in another chapter, must be of rough worsted, vicu&ntilde;a, or
+material of that kind, and never of broadcloth.</p>
+
+<p>With it you must have a pair of "fancy" or cashmere trousers. These will
+cost from eight to fifteen dollars, and they will last you several
+years. In fact, the purchasing of the afternoon suit in one way is
+excellent: it does <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span>not have to be renewed as often as other parts of
+your wardrobe. It stays practically in fashion, with little deviation,
+for almost a decade.</p>
+
+<p>The silk hat, which is necessary for the afternoon suit, is one of the
+most expensive items of a man's wardrobe. A top hat must be of the
+prevailing mode. Autumn is the best time for purchasing, as you can
+dispense with it after May, except on very special occasions. Two
+Derbies&mdash;one for autumn and the other for spring&mdash;at from two to four
+dollars, or only one, for that matter, to last through the entire eight
+months, and a straw hat, from two to four dollars, will be the entire
+amount expended for headgear by the very best-dressed men. For a Derby
+you can substitute an Alpine or Hombourg. <a name="hat_opera_2" id="hat_opera_2"></a>The opera crush hat is a
+luxury, and you can wear with your evening suit your top hat of the year
+before, which you can christen your "night hawk."</p>
+
+<p>Shirt buttons and sleeve links are also an expensive item. However, the
+purchase of these occurs but once in a lifetime, and fifteen dollars
+would do beautifully for enamel or plain gold.</p>
+
+<p>Ties vary in price, and it is difficult to limit a man on this
+expenditure. Many invest in them as a fad, picking them up here and
+there, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>and thus accumulating a large assortment. A little judgment in
+purchasing will allow you to acquire quite a large wardrobe. If you give
+your personal supervision to the making of your clothes you can employ a
+cheap tailor who will turn out very good work. For fashion plates, I do
+not know of any better than Du Maurier's pictures of smart London men in
+the London Punch. Watch the sales in the autumn and the late spring for
+bargains in haberdashery. Study well the advice given in the chapter on
+the Care of Clothes in this book, and you will find therein that which
+will certainly teach you economy.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2>
+
+<h3>INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="introductions" id="introductions"></a>Formal introductions are not in vogue in this country. The nearest
+approach to it is when one is desirous of introducing a stranger or one
+of his particular friends to another. <a name="introducing_men_to_women" id="introducing_men_to_women"></a>When you desire to present a man
+to a woman you must ask her if you may bring Mr. &mdash;&mdash; to her house. In
+New York the customary time for such visits is in the afternoon, between
+four and six. <a name="introductions_when" id="introductions_when"></a>In introducing men to one another it is unnecessary to
+make a formal appointment. In presenting a man to a woman her permission
+must first be asked. The formula is, "Mrs. C&mdash;&mdash;, may I present Mr.
+D&mdash;&mdash;?" Informal introductions may be made between people visiting in
+the same house by simply saying, "Mrs. D&mdash;&mdash;, may I present Mr. B&mdash;&mdash;?"
+or "Mr. F&mdash;&mdash;, do you know Mr. C&mdash;&mdash;?" These informal introductions
+need <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>not be recognized afterward unless mutually agreeable.</p>
+
+<p><a name="introductions_in_street" id="introductions_in_street"></a>Introductions are never made in the street or in public places of any
+kind, or in public conveyances, unless under exceptional circumstances.
+It is extremely bad form to introduce a guest on his entrance into a
+room to more than one other. <a name="general_introductions" id="general_introductions"></a>Wholesale introductions are not the custom
+in New York. General introductions are not made at a dinner or at any
+function. People are sufficiently well bred to engage in general
+conversation when in the houses of their friends, even if they do not
+know each other, and not to take advantage of the circumstances
+afterward.</p>
+
+<p>At any function at which the guests are told off, the host or hostess
+only presents the man to the woman whom he is to take down. A man never
+shakes hands upon being presented to a woman, but always on being
+introduced to a man. A man should never shake hands with a woman while
+wearing his gloves unless she also is gloved. Your hostess will give her
+hand to you when you make your obeisance. <a name="calls_general" id="calls_general"></a>After being presented, an
+invitation is apt to follow. It may be, "Drop in to tea any afternoon,"
+or simply, "I would be glad to have you call." This invitation <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>should
+always come from a married woman. Unmarried women do not ask young men
+to call. A man may ask the privilege of calling, or the mother of the
+young woman may say, "We should be pleased to have you call, Mr. Smith."</p>
+
+<p><a name="afternoon_calls" id="afternoon_calls"></a>In New York and in many of the larger cities, as has already been
+stated, the proper time for a man to call on a woman is between the
+hours of four and six in the afternoon. Sometimes women have "days" in
+the season, and you should pay your call on one of them. Otherwise any
+afternoon may do, and you can use Sunday for this purpose after three
+o'clock.</p>
+
+<p>Afternoon dress is, of course, requisite. <a name="calls_evening" id="calls_evening"></a>In those places where evening
+calls are made a man must wear formal evening dress.</p>
+
+<p>On the opening of the door by the servant, a man asks of him whether the
+hostess or "the ladies" are at home. This will depend on the number of
+the members of the family receiving. He gives to the domestic the proper
+number of cards. The servant precedes him, opens the drawing-room door
+for him, and in some ultra English houses he is announced. His card or
+cards have been deposited on the silver tray which the servant has
+presented to him in the hall and left there. A visiting card is never
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>brought into the drawing room. A man on a first or a formal call carries
+his stick and hat into the drawing room with him. To "hang his hat" in
+the hall shows great intimacy&mdash;even relationship&mdash;in the house. He,
+however, should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella.
+His hostess will advance to meet him, and will extend to him her right
+hand with a somewhat stiff angular motion, and he should shake it with a
+quick nervous movement of his right. He should neither grasp nor squeeze
+her hand, nor should he attempt that absurd so-called British shake in
+the air, which is never practiced except by player folk. A man removes
+his glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room, and holds
+this with his stick and hat in his left. The hat should be at an angle,
+the top about level with his nose. At weddings, the opera, and dances,
+where a woman is gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, does
+not remove his gloves. On ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved in
+her own drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is not usually
+expected. Should the hostess be gloved, as at a large affair, such as a
+formal or wedding reception, a man shakes hands with her with them on.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span><a name="tea" id="tea"></a>Tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers, little
+cakes, and sometimes sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup of tea,
+a doylie will be given you, which place upon your knee. When another
+caller enters the room stand up, whether it is a woman or a man. Ten
+minutes is all that is necessary for a formal call. It is less awkward
+to leave when a new caller is announced. Shake hands with your hostess
+and bow to the people present. Leave the room sideways, so as not to
+turn your back upon the company, and bow to them as you reach the door,
+thus bowing yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer or a sitter. No
+men are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores. The first
+arrivals leave first. Freezing out is not known in good society.</p>
+
+<p><a name="calls_balls" id="calls_balls"></a>Calls should be made after every civility extended and every invitation
+accepted or regretted; after weddings, wedding receptions, <a name="calls_condolence" id="calls_condolence"></a>deaths in
+families, etc., as fully explained in the chapter on card-leaving.</p>
+
+<p><a name="letters_of_introduction" id="letters_of_introduction"></a>A letter of introduction is always sent, never left in person. <a name="calls_opera" id="calls_opera"></a>Calls at
+the theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are not
+accepted as formal. A man enters an opera box, stands, and bows. His
+hostess will turn <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>around and greet him. He will then, if there is a
+vacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a little while, leaving on the
+arrival of another caller. <a name="calls_evening_2" id="calls_evening_2"></a>These rules for afternoon calls can be
+applied also to those made in the evening.</p>
+
+<p><a name="calls_period" id="calls_period"></a><a name="invitation_forms" id="invitation_forms"></a>If no day is set for a first call, a man is expected to drop in any
+afternoon within ten days after the invitation. The sooner a call is
+made the greater the compliment. A second call may be made within two or
+three months; after that once or twice a year, as intimacy permits. <a name="calls_dinner" id="calls_dinner"></a>A
+man is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which he
+has not first called. <a name="dinner" id="dinner"></a>The usual form of a dinner invitation, the hostess
+being married, reads:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p style="margin-bottom: 0em;"><i>My dear Mr. Smith:</i></p>
+
+<p style="text-indent: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-top: 0em;"><i>Will you dine with us, most informally, on Wednesday, December the
+ninth, at eight o'clock? Hoping that you have no engagement for that
+evening, believe me,</i></p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; padding-right: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-top: 0em;"><i>Yours very sincerely,</i></p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-top: 0em;"><i>Alice de Tompkins.</i></p>
+
+<p style="text-align: left; text-indent: 1.5em; margin-top: 0em;"><i>November thirtieth.</i></p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p><a name="acceptance" id="acceptance"></a><a name="answers_form" id="answers_form"></a><a name="answers_dinner" id="answers_dinner"></a>An answer to an invitation like this, which should be sent within
+twenty-four hours, reads:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span></p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p style="margin-bottom: 0em;"><i>My dear Mrs. de Tompkins:</i></p>
+
+<p style="text-indent: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-top: 0em;"><i>It will give me great pleasure to dine with you on Wednesday evening,
+December the ninth, at eight o'clock. With many thanks for your kind
+thought of me,</i></p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; padding-right: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-top: 0em;"><i>Yours very sincerely,</i></p>
+
+<p style="text-align: right; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-top: 0em;"><i>Algernon Smith.</i></p>
+
+<p style="text-align: left; text-indent: 1.5em; margin-top: 0em;"><i>December first.</i></p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p>Or, in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or twelve
+guests:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p class="center"><i>Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins<br />
+request the pleasure of<br />
+Mr. Smith's<br />
+company at dinner on<br />
+Wednesday evening, December<br />
+the ninth, at eight o'clock.</i></p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p>The answer reads:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p style="text-align: center; margin-bottom: 0em;"><i>Mr. Algernon Smith, Jr.,<br />
+accepts with pleasure<br />
+Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins's<br />
+kind invitation for<br />
+Wednesday evening, December the ninth,<br />
+at eight o'clock.</i></p>
+
+<p style="text-align: center; margin-top: 0em; padding-right: 10em;"><i>December first.</i></p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p>Answers to formal luncheon invitations are written in the same manner,
+only changing the hours, etc.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span>Informal invitations to breakfasts and luncheons will be treated in the
+chapter on that subject.</p>
+
+<p><a name="ball_general" id="ball_general"></a>The form of an invitation to a private dance is:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p style="text-indent: 1.5em; padding-bottom: 0.75em;"><i>Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins request the pleasure of Mr. Algernon Smith's
+company on Friday evening, January the ninth, at nine o'clock.</i><br />
+<span style="position: absolute; left: 15%;"><i>R.&nbsp;S.&nbsp;V.&nbsp;P.</i></span> <span style="position: absolute; left: 72%;"><i>Dancing.</i></span></p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p>The answer to this would be similarly worded as in case of the formal
+dinner. As dance invitations are usually sent out three weeks in
+advance, three days' grace is allowed for the answer.</p>
+
+<p><a name="assembly_balls" id="assembly_balls"></a>When an invitation is received to a subscription ball, like the
+assemblies in various cities, you should acknowledge it, by your
+acceptance or regret, to the subscriber sending it; but when an
+invitation is received from a ball committee, you should accept as
+follows:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p style="margin-bottom: 0em; text-indent: 1.5em;"><i>Mr. James de Courcy Peterson accepts with pleasure the committee's kind
+invitation for Thursday evening, February the fifteenth.</i></p>
+
+<p style="margin-top: 0em; text-indent: 1.5em;"><i>January second.</i></p>
+</blockquote>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2>
+
+<h3>CARDS.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="cards_visiting" id="cards_visiting"></a>There is only one visiting card in vogue for a man. It must be of plain
+white bristol board, unglazed, about three or four inches in length and
+about two inches in width. The name should be engraved, not printed, in
+the middle of the card, in small copperplate type, without ornamentation
+of any kind. The prefix "Mr." is always used unless the person is a
+physician, in which case he can place "Dr." before his name, or a
+clergyman, when he may use the "Rev. Mr." or the "Rev. Dr.," according
+to his rank. Army and navy men, ranking as captain or above, should put
+their rank on their cards. "Mr." is the prefix for subalterns. The
+address is placed underneath the name in smaller type and in the
+right-hand corner. If an address, however, is that of a man's club, it
+should be engraved on the left hand. A man's card should also contain
+his Christian as well <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>as his surname. If he possesses two Christian
+names, or any distinctive family name, that should also be given, so
+that his appellation is shown in full. For instance, "Mr. John William
+Jones," "Mr. James Brown Smith," "Mr. Hamilton Hamilton-Stuyvesant."
+<a name="card_cases" id="card_cases"></a>Visiting cards should be kept in a small case of sealskin or black or
+Russia leather and carried in the inside pocket of a frock coat, or if
+small enough more conveniently in the waistcoat pocket. Card cases
+should be stamped with initials or have a silver monogram. Visiting
+cards should never be carried loose in the pocket. A card is left in
+person the day after a dinner, luncheon, or breakfast, or within a week
+at latest after a ball. Civility must be returned by civility, and cards
+must be left on every occasion on which a call is necessary. Cards
+should not be sent by mail, unless when about to leave the country, or
+under circumstances where it is impossible to make a personal call. On
+leaving the country you should write the initials P.&nbsp;P.&nbsp;C. (<i>pour
+prendre cong&eacute;</i>) in the right-hand corner. In New York many men send
+cards by mail, offering the excuse that the city is too large to get
+about to make personal calls. This is only a flimsy pretext, and should
+have no weight.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span><a name="cards_leaving" id="cards_leaving"></a>The question of how many cards to leave is one which seems to bewilder
+most people. The general rule is a card to each person. This will have
+to be explained. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith you must leave a
+card for each&mdash;two cards. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the
+Misses Smith, three cards, the young ladies counting as a unit. For Mr.
+and Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith, and their married daughter Mrs. Jones
+staying with them, four cards&mdash;Mrs. Jones being entitled to the fourth.
+If Mr. Jones is also stopping at the Smiths leave an extra card for him.
+For Mrs. Smith (widow) and the Misses Smith, two cards. For Mr. Smith
+(widower) and the Misses Smith, two cards.</p>
+
+<p><a name="mailing_cards" id="mailing_cards"></a>In mailing cards, address them on the envelope "Mrs. Smith, the Misses
+Smith," or "Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith"; "The Misses Brown-Smith,"
+the one under the other. Never write on your cards "For Mr. and Mrs.
+John Brown-Smith." It is bad form. Never leave cards for people who have
+not asked you to call. <a name="cards_in_person" id="cards_in_person"></a>When friends from another city, who have
+entertained you or who have been polite to you, should arrive in your
+own city, you should immediately call and leave cards for them. In that
+case, should you even not be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span>acquainted with their host and hostess, it
+would be civil to leave cards also for them.</p>
+
+<p>After a wedding, if invited to the reception, you must personally leave
+cards at the house where the reception has been given for your host and
+hostess, and also for the young couple when they return from their
+bridal trip. Two cards at each place will be sufficient in this case.
+When invited to the church only, leave or send cards to the bride's
+parents and the young couple. As the card to the church only, is rather
+an equivocal compliment, mailing cards in this case could be excused.
+Leave personally cards for the patroness who has asked you to a
+subscription ball, within a week after the invitation. In cases of
+death, leave cards within a fortnight. <a name="cards_condolence" id="cards_condolence"></a>In answer to letters of
+condolence, it is best to send your cards with the words "Thank you for
+your kind sympathy" written thereon. For mourning, use the same size or
+style of card, but with a narrow or deep border as befits the nearness
+of degree of relationship with the deceased. The deepest border
+permissible is about a quarter of an inch.</p>
+
+<p>It is bad form to bend cards or to turn down the corners thereof. These
+signs mean nothing now in good society. In calling&mdash;it <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span>may be repeated
+here&mdash;you ask, if there are more than one of the fair sex in the house,
+for "the ladies," and hand the servant the number of cards necessary. He
+takes them on a silver salver and leaves them in the hall, goes before
+you, and announces you. Your card is never taken to the lady of the
+house, unless it is a business call.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE DINER-OUT.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="dinner_2" id="dinner_2"></a>When I speak of the "diner-out," I include under this title the bachelor
+guest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. The
+formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first meal in a
+household is purely a family affair. <a name="luncheon" id="luncheon"></a>However, luncheons on Sunday at one
+or two o'clock are in New York frequently called breakfasts, because I
+believe many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroad
+that even once a week they dine in the middle of the day. The luncheon
+after a day wedding ceremony is also called a breakfast, but this, like
+the Sunday meal, is simply a title by courtesy.</p>
+
+<p><a name="lunch_invitation" id="lunch_invitation"></a><i>Luncheons</i>, where men are guests, are popular entertainments at all the
+large summer resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar Harbor, as well
+as at the more celebrated of the Western and Pacific watering places
+and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span>the winter cities of the South. In New York and other great
+centers, where there exists a number of gentlemen of leisure, these
+entertainments are greatly in vogue, and in Washington they sometimes
+assume the color of diplomatic functions.</p>
+
+<p>The hour for a luncheon is half past one o'clock, and sometimes it is
+advanced to two. All guests are expected to be punctual to the minute
+and to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour latitude is bad
+form. Better a little too early than too late. However, do not make
+yourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon. Bear in mind
+that the reputation of being the "late Mr. Smith" is not enviable. A
+tardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance. This rule applies
+to dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest,
+with only one exception&mdash;dances, where you have an hour's grace.</p>
+
+<p>Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. Men have attended them in
+lounge suits, but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear in
+afternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks are left in the hall. Your
+gloves are removed in the drawing room. When luncheon is announced,
+unless it is a very formal affair, your hostess leads the way to the
+dining room, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span>she is followed by her guests, women and men, not in
+procession. The men, of course, must allow the fairer sex to pass before
+them through the drawing-room door and into the dining room. Luncheon
+<i>menus</i> consist of oysters, clams, or grape fruit with crushed ice and
+saturated with maraschino for the first course. This is followed by
+bouillon, an <i>entr&eacute;e</i>, a roast or chops with peas, or broiled chicken,
+salad with birds, ices and fruits, coffee and <i>liqueurs</i>. Sherry and
+claret are the wines, and sometimes champagne is served.</p>
+
+<p>A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and the men are left to smoke at
+dessert. However, sometimes this formality is waived.</p>
+
+<p><i>Dinner</i> invitations are sent out at least a fortnight in advance. In
+the New York season sometimes they are issued a full month before the
+event. They must, under all circumstances, be answered within
+twenty-four hours, and cards left on your prospective host and hostess
+within a week.</p>
+
+<p>The fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and eight
+o'clock. <a name="evening_dress_3" id="evening_dress_3"></a>Dinners being formal evening functions, formal evening dress is
+essential.</p>
+
+<p>Except at very small houses and apartments, two rooms are reserved&mdash;one
+for the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>men and the other for the ladies&mdash;as dressing rooms. Your hat,
+coat, and outdoor attire are removed, and a servant will assist you in
+arranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of feeing these attendants,
+even at private houses, has been somewhat in vogue in a very "smart" and
+wealthy set in New York. It is not good form, and I would advise you
+against it.</p>
+
+<p>The servant who announces you, hands you a small envelope on which is
+written your name. This incloses a card on which is the name of the lady
+whom you are to take in to dinner. After exchanging greetings with your
+hostess and removing your gloves, you should endeavor to find your
+partner and engage in some preliminary conversation. Should you not have
+been presented to her, inform your hostess of this fact, and you will be
+at once introduced. Dinner is announced by the butler entering the
+drawing room and saying, "Dinner is served." The host leads the way with
+the woman guest of honor, and you are assigned your place in the
+procession by the hostess, who comes last with the man guest of honor.
+Each man offers his right arm to his fair partner. In the dining room,
+cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribed
+thereon. Even should there <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>be a retinue of servants, pull back the
+chair of your partner and assist her to seat herself. <a name="grace" id="grace"></a>In some
+old-fashioned houses grace is said, and it is always the rule when a
+clergyman is one of the guests. This blessing is asked after the company
+is seated.</p>
+
+<p>During dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and entertainment
+of the woman whom you have taken in. She must be your first care,
+although there may be some one on your other side, or opposite, who is
+more congenial to you. Talking across the table is very bad form. Let
+your conversation be pleasant and general, but avoid politics, religion,
+and personal criticisms.</p>
+
+<p>There is no form for refusing wine, if it is against your scruples to
+drink it. Do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host by
+making any demonstration, such as putting your finger over the glass or
+shaking your head at the butler. Let him fill your glasses, but do not
+drink the contents. The question of waste is not to be considered; and
+if you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence, in
+your heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will do
+no harm.</p>
+
+<p>The hostess gives the signal at dessert for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>the ladies to retire to the
+drawing room. Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in solemn
+procession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A prettier
+custom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of the
+ladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way. When
+the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to the
+dining room, where coffee, <i>liqueurs</i>, and cigars are served. At the end
+of a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half hour of
+conversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the guests
+make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. On bidding
+good-night, always assure your hostess of the pleasant evening which you
+have enjoyed.</p>
+
+<p>Progressive dinners are sometimes given, although now almost obsolete.
+Small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or six at each
+table. The guests change places at each course, the signal for this
+being given by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies remain in their
+seats. As there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each course, a
+man brings his with him from his first table.</p>
+
+<p>Public dinners, except when given by certain church, debating, or
+literary societies, are <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>stag affairs. The guests assemble at the
+restaurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to be held, and deposit
+their hats, coats, and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A ticket
+is given with the number of your rack upon it, and a small fee&mdash;usually
+twenty-five cents&mdash;is expected. The guests assemble in one of the
+smaller drawing rooms, and each one is handed a plan of the tables with
+the location of his cover designated by his name upon it. A procession
+is formed, the guests of honor and reception committee leading, to the
+banquet hall. After dessert, speeches are in order.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dinner_dances" id="dinner_dances"></a><i>Dinner dances</i> are a form of entertainment where dinner is followed by
+a dance, other guests coming in from other dinner parties and meeting at
+one house which has been agreed upon as the place where the dance is to
+take place. A short time after dinner, at each of the other houses, the
+guests are conveyed therefrom in carriages, or, better yet, in stages,
+to the general rendezvous. Calls are due within the week at the house
+where you have dined as well as at the one at which you have danced.</p>
+
+<p>Supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners. The
+occasion is a bit <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>more informal and the <i>menu</i> not so elaborate. The
+etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on The Dance, and
+suppers after the play, at restaurants and clubs, being favorite
+bachelor entertainments, will be explained in that part of this book
+reserved for the Bachelor as Host.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2>
+
+<h3>A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="table_etiquette" id="table_etiquette"></a>Many of the cautions contained in this chapter will seem elementary in
+their nature. But one expects in a book of this kind to see the old
+familiar "don'ts," and their absence would perhaps deter from the
+usefulness of The Complete Bachelor. I would, however, suggest a careful
+study of that clever <i>brochure</i>, entitled Don't, which would refresh the
+memory on many points not within the scope of this work. It is really
+quite surprising to see how few men have perfect table manners. <a name="quick_lunch" id="quick_lunch"></a>The
+American is unfortunately too often in a hurry. He bolts his food. He is
+a victim of the "quick-lunch" system. Again, a bachelor eating a
+solitary meal at a club or a restaurant is apt from sheer loneliness to
+try and dispose of it as rapidly as possible. Drill yourself into eating
+leisurely. Persons of refinement take only small morsels at a time. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>One
+can not be too dainty at table. To attempt to talk while your mouth is
+full is another vulgarity upon which it is needless to dwell. <a name="drinking_with_mouth_full" id="drinking_with_mouth_full"></a>The French
+have made us the reproach that we frequently drink while our mouths are
+in this condition. I fear there is some foundation for this accusation.
+Wipe your mouth carefully before putting a glass to your lips. Grease
+stains around the edge of a goblet or wineglass are silent but telltale
+witnesses of careless habits.</p>
+
+<p><a name="napkin" id="napkin"></a>The napkin is an embarrassing article to many men. Its place is on the
+lap and not tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned around the neck.
+When one arises from the table, the napkin is thrown carelessly on it,
+unfolded. The days of napkin rings are over.</p>
+
+<p><a name="nervous" id="nervous"></a>Nervous and bashful persons fidget, they do not sit squarely or firmly
+at table, their chairs are crooked, they play or gesticulate with their
+knives and forks, or they beat dismal tattoos with them against their
+plates. These same timid minds find vent for inspiration in the crumbs
+of the bread, of which they involuntarily make little figures or small
+round balls. The economist, another person on the list, plasters his
+food, taking a bit of potato, a little tomato, and a good-sized square
+of meat <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>as a foundation, and spreading these tidbits one on the other,
+prepares of them a delectable poultice which he swallows at a mouthful.
+I pass over the man who leaves traces of each meal on his shirt or his
+clothes. Such a being, I have no doubt, would convey food to his mouth
+with his knife, would blow on his soup, tea, or coffee with the idea of
+cooling it, or would pour the two latter cheering fluids into a saucer
+and drink them therefrom.</p>
+
+<p><a name="hands_on_table" id="hands_on_table"></a>The caution to keep one's hands above the cloth and one's elbows out of
+reach of others, also falls under the head of kindergarten
+classification. The ridiculous idea prevailing that one must not eat
+until others are served has passed away with many old-time fallacies.
+One commences to eat as soon as served. You need not proceed very
+actively, but you can take up your fork or spoon, as the case may be,
+and make at least a feint at it.</p>
+
+<p><a name="toasts" id="toasts"></a>Toasts have also fallen into "desuetude" at private dinners. Sometimes
+you will find an old-fashioned host who will, on touching his glass with
+his lips, bow to his guests, and they may wait for this signal to sip
+their wine, but the custom is utterly obsolete in large cities and at
+formal dinners.</p>
+
+<p>When you have finished the course, lay <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span>your knife and fork side by side
+on your plate, the prongs of the fork upward. Do not cross them. No
+whistlike signals are needed to-day to signify that you have had
+sufficient to eat.</p>
+
+<p>Dinners are generally served <i>&agrave; la Russe</i>&mdash;that is, from the sideboard,
+and the dishes are passed around by the servants on silver trays. Very
+large <i>plats</i>, such as roasts and fish, are sometimes carried without
+the trays. On all occasions of ceremony the men servants are gloved.</p>
+
+<p><a name="carving" id="carving"></a>Carving at table is but little seen except at very informal dinners and
+in the country, where sometimes the master of the house shows off this
+old-fashioned accomplishment, especially if he has a dining room in
+colonial style and wishes to have everything in keeping.</p>
+
+<p><a name="second_helping" id="second_helping"></a>The question of second helpings is therefore not one of moment. The
+servants pass the viands twice or more around. If a host or hostess
+serves at table, he or she will ask the guests whether they would like a
+second helping. It is never demanded. Except when absolutely necessary
+the handkerchief should be kept out of sight. It can be used in case
+there should be some sudden irritation of the skin, but to blow one's
+nose at table is disgusting.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span>The American bachelor takes usually a very light first meal. It consists
+of tea, coffee, or cocoa, toast, eggs, oatmeal, and fruit. There are yet
+a few men who go in for the old-fashioned hearty breakfast with
+beefsteak, buckwheat cakes, and trimmings, but in cities the lighter
+meal is preferable. All this is, of course, more a matter of environment
+and hygiene than etiquette. I have compiled a list of certain viands,
+which society does require should be eaten at a special meal and in only
+one manner. With this catalogue I will close this chapter.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center"><span class="smcap"><a name="luncheon_dishes" id="luncheon_dishes"></a>Breakfast and Luncheon Dishes</span>.</p>
+
+<p><a name="eggs" id="eggs"></a><i>Eggs.</i>&mdash;It is much better form to have egg cups than egg glasses for
+boiled eggs. Cut the top of the egg off with a dexterous blow of a sharp
+knife and eat it in the shell with a small egg spoon.</p>
+
+<p><i>Sugar.</i>&mdash;Lump sugar if served is always taken with the sugar tongs.</p>
+
+<p><a name="butter" id="butter"></a><i>Butter.</i>&mdash;Butter is only served at breakfast or luncheon. It is passed
+around in a silver dish, with a little silver pick with which to spear
+it. Butter plates&mdash;i.&nbsp;e., the small round silver or china affairs&mdash;have
+given place to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>bread and butter plates, which are of china and are
+somewhat larger than an ordinary saucer. The butter plate of a few years
+ago was never seen outside of America, and is now destined to vanish
+from our tables. It is needless to add that butter is never served at
+dinner.</p>
+
+<p><a name="radishes" id="radishes"></a><i>Radishes.</i>&mdash;Radishes appear at luncheon. Put them on your bread and
+butter plate and eat them with a little salt.</p>
+
+<p><i>Cantaloupes</i> are served cut in half and filled with ice. They are eaten
+as a first course, a fork being better to eat them with than a spoon.
+Salt is the condiment to use with them, but sugar is allowable. In
+southern climates they are sometimes served at dinner as a separate
+course between the fish and roast. This is a Creole custom.</p>
+
+<p><a name="grapefruit" id="grapefruit"></a><i>Grape fruit</i> is served as a first course (<i>vide</i> chapter Diner-Out) at
+a late breakfast or luncheon. It is eaten with a spoon.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Dinner.</span></p>
+
+<p><a name="menus" id="menus"></a>The <i>menu</i> of to-day is simple. It consists of oysters or clams,
+according to season, soup, fish, <i>entr&eacute;e</i>, roast and vegetables, game
+and salad, ices and dessert. Sorbets or frozen <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>punches are not served,
+except at public banquets and hotel <i>table-d'h&ocirc;tes</i>.</p>
+
+<p><a name="oysters" id="oysters"></a><i>Oysters</i> or <i>clams</i> are placed on the table in plates for the purpose
+before dinner is announced. They are imbedded in ice and arranged around
+a half-sliced lemon, which is in the middle of the plate. Oysters or
+clams are eaten with a fork only. Gourmets say that they should not even
+be cut with it, and should be swallowed whole. I would not advise any
+one to try this with large oysters. The oyster fork is the first in the
+number of the implements placed beside your plate. Condiments, such as
+pepper and salt, will be passed you. Sauterne is served with oysters.</p>
+
+<p><a name="oyster_cocktails" id="oyster_cocktails"></a><i>Oyster cocktails</i> have been in vogue in place of oysters. These are a
+mixture of the bivalve with Tabasco sauce and vinegar, and they are said
+to be excellent appetizers. They are eaten with a small fork from
+cocktail glasses. Bachelors frequently serve them in place of oysters.</p>
+
+<p><a name="soup" id="soup"></a><i>Soup</i>.&mdash;At large and formal dinners a clear soup is in vogue. Your soup
+spoon will be on the knife side of your plate. Soup is eaten from the
+side and not from the end of the spoon. The motion of the hand guiding
+the spoon is toward and not from you. Take soup <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>in small spoonfuls, and
+use your napkin in wiping your mouth and mustache after each, especially
+if the soup is thick or a <i>pur&eacute;e</i>. This will avoid the dripping of that
+liquid from your upper lip. Never after this operation throw your napkin
+back into your lap with the greasy side toward your clothes, but use the
+inside of it for this purpose.</p>
+
+<p><a name="fish" id="fish"></a><i>Fish</i> is eaten with a silver fish fork. Chasing morsels of fish around
+your plate with bits of bread is obsolete. Silver fish knives have been
+put in use, but they are not generally the vogue.</p>
+
+<p><a name="cucumbers" id="cucumbers"></a><i>Cucumbers</i> are served with fish on the same plate. Little plates or
+saucers for cucumbers, vegetables, or salads are bad form.</p>
+
+<p><a name="sherry" id="sherry"></a><i>Sherry</i> is served with fish.</p>
+
+<p><i>Celery</i>, <a name="olives" id="olives"></a><i>olives</i>, and <a name="almonds" id="almonds"></a><i>salted almonds</i> are placed on the table in
+small dishes. Sometimes the guests are asked to help themselves, but at
+formal dinners they are passed around after the fish. Celery is eaten
+with the fingers and dipped in a little salt placed on the tablecloth or
+on the edge of your plate. It is also served as an <i>entr&eacute;e</i> raw, the
+stalks stuffed with Parmesan cheese. It should then be eaten with a
+fork.</p>
+
+<p><a name="entrees" id="entrees"></a><i>Entr&eacute;es</i> require a fork only. Among these <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>are patties, <i>rissoles</i>,
+<i>croquettes</i>, and sweetbreads.</p>
+
+<p><a name="mushrooms" id="mushrooms"></a><i>Mushrooms</i> are eaten with a fork, and served as a separate course in
+lieu of an <i>entr&eacute;e</i>.</p>
+
+<p><a name="terrapin" id="terrapin"></a><i>Terrapin</i> is served sometimes in little silver saucepans either as an
+<i>entr&eacute;e</i> or as fish, and again in a chafing dish, and sometimes with
+salad. It is more of a supper than a dinner plat, and should be eaten
+with a fork.</p>
+
+<p><a name="asparagus" id="asparagus"></a><i>Asparagus</i> is eaten, except in the intimate privacy of your own family
+circle, with a fork. Cut the points off with the end of the prongs. The
+stalk or white part is not eaten. It is allowable to eat it with your
+fingers, as I have said, in private. It is served after the roast as a
+special course. One can not drink <i>champagne</i> with <i>asparagus</i> except at
+the risk of a severe headache.</p>
+
+<p><a name="artichokes" id="artichokes"></a><i>Artichokes</i> are served as a separate course after the roast. They
+should be placed in the center of your plate and the inside tips of the
+leaves alone eaten. The leaves are removed with the fingers and dipped
+in salt, <i>sauce vinaigrette</i>, or melted butter. The center of the
+artichoke is called the heart. The hairy part is removed with the fork,
+and the heart itself, which is deliciously tender, is conveyed to the
+mouth with the fork.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span><a name="champagne" id="champagne"></a><i>Champagne</i> is served in small tumblers or claret glasses. The champagne
+stem glasses are out of fashion. The <i>dry</i> may be served from the fish
+to the close of dinner, but the old rule was to give it with the roast,
+<i>claret</i> with the <i>entr&eacute;e</i>, and <i>Burgundy</i> with the game.</p>
+
+<p><a name="salad" id="salad"></a><i>Salad</i> is eaten with a fork only. In cutting <i>game</i> or <i>poultry</i>, the
+bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers, but
+the meat cut close off. It is better to sever the wing at the joint.</p>
+
+<p><a name="savories" id="savories"></a><i>Savories</i>, a species of salt fish and cheese sandwich, is served in
+England hot, about the end of dinner. They should be eaten with a fork.
+Undressed salad is sometimes served with them, or radishes, butter, and
+cheese. This is the only occasion when one sees butter on a dinner
+table, and this at informal dinners. The salad undressed can be eaten
+with the fingers. At bachelor dinners and at luncheons <i>cheese</i> is
+served with salad. The French soft cheeses are the favorites.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pastry</i>, <i>ices</i>, and <i>desserts</i> are eaten with a fork.</p>
+
+<p><a name="fruit" id="fruit"></a><i>Fruit</i>, such as peaches, pears, and apples, are served frequently
+already pared. When this is the case, finger bowls are dispensed with,
+but as yet this is not a general rule. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>Usually at dessert there is
+placed before you a finger glass and doily and a dessert plate, with the
+dessert knife and fork on either side. Remove the glass and doily; put
+it in front of your plate a little to the right. <i>Fruit</i> must be pared
+or peeled with a silver knife.</p>
+
+<p><a name="strawberries" id="strawberries"></a><i>Strawberries</i> are now served with the stems on, and sugar and cream are
+passed around and are taken on your dessert plate.</p>
+
+<p><i>Pineapples</i> are eaten with a fork. A cracker is used for nuts, and
+silver picks are brought in with the dessert.</p>
+
+<p><a name="corn" id="corn"></a><i>Corn</i> on the cob is a favorite at small informal dinners as a separate
+course. In polite society you must remove the grains of the corn with
+your fork or your knife and fork, and never eat it off the cob holding
+the end with your fingers. By holding one end with your napkin, you can
+plow down the furrow of the grains with your fork, and you will find
+that they will fall off easily. <i>Corn</i> is always served, when given in
+this style, on a white napkin. You help yourself to the ear with your
+fingers.</p>
+
+<p><a name="macaroni" id="macaroni"></a><i>Macaroni</i> and <i>spaghetti</i> should only be eaten with a fork. In New
+Orleans boiled <i>shrimps</i> are often served at small dinners. The skins
+and heads are on, and you remove these with your fingers. After this
+course finger <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span>bowls with orange leaves are passed around, and the
+perfume of the water will remove the odor of fish from your fingers.</p>
+
+<p><a name="coffee" id="coffee"></a><i>Black coffee</i> is served after dinner. Milk or cream does not accompany
+it, except in the country, where sometimes a little silver pitcher of
+cream is placed on the tray. Coffee is drunk from small cups. Coffee and
+milk are never served during dinner, nor again is iced milk. These are
+barbarisms. <a name="liqueurs" id="liqueurs"></a>Chartreuse, k&uuml;mmel, cura&ccedil;oa, and cognac are the <i>liqueurs</i>
+usually served after dinner.</p>
+
+<p><a name="claret" id="claret"></a><i>Claret</i>, in many French families, especially those of the middle class,
+is placed on the table in decanters. You are expected to help yourself.
+There are also <i>carafons</i> or decanters of water to mix with the wine.
+The claret decanters are called <i>carafes</i>. Claret is drunk at the twelve
+o'clock <i>dejeuner</i> as well as at dinner.</p>
+
+<p><i>Tea</i> is passed around in old-fashioned English houses about an hour
+after dinner. In some places buttered muffins accompany it, but this
+extra refreshment is only seen now in very old-fashioned houses.</p>
+
+<p><a name="scotch" id="scotch"></a><i>Scotch whisky</i> and hot water or mineral waters are served in country
+houses before bedtime.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST.</h3>
+
+<p class="center" style="margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%;"><span class="smcap">Luncheons, Dinners, Theater Parties, Club and Restaurant Suppers,
+and other Bachelor Entertainments</span>.</p>
+
+
+<p>The bachelor who entertains is a most popular member of society. It does
+not cost a fortune to return in some manner the civilities once
+received, and every man, even if his income be limited, can once in a
+while entertain, even if it be on a very small scale and in a very
+modest way. Bachelor functions are always enjoyable. For a host of
+moderate income, I would suggest a luncheon, a dinner, or a party to the
+play, followed by a little supper.</p>
+
+<p><a name="luncheon_3" id="luncheon_3"></a>A bachelor luncheon can be given either at the host's apartments or
+chambers, at a restaurant, or in the ladies' annex of his club, if that
+organization possesses such an institution.</p>
+
+<p>At all entertainments given under a bache<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>lor's vine and fig tree,
+extreme simplicity should be a characteristic. <a name="table_setting" id="table_setting"></a>The table linen should be
+of the finest damask, or the best material his income will allow; the
+glass perfectly plain, clear crystal, the china of a rich but quiet
+pattern, the silver good but absolutely without ornamental devices of
+any kind. In fact, the silver can be limited to forks and spoons, and
+the rest Sheffield or prince's plate. Silver is not expensive, but plate
+is considered quite smart, and it has the advantage of being utterly
+valueless from the burglar's point of view.</p>
+
+<p><a name="salt_and_pepper" id="salt_and_pepper"></a>Individual salt and pepper affairs, cut or colored glass, or the hundred
+and one knick-knacks which one sees advertised and which eventually find
+their way to the boarding-house table, are vulgar.</p>
+
+<p><a name="luncheon_4" id="luncheon_4"></a>Before your cloth is laid you should have a cover of felt placed over
+the table, so as to form a shield between it and the damask or linen. In
+the center goes a silver or plated fernery, filled with ferns and
+asparagus vines, on a mirror tray, or an <i>&eacute;pergne</i> with fruit. Two
+heavy, old-fashioned decanters in Queen Anne coasters should be placed,
+one at your right and the other at the right of your <i>vis-&agrave;-vis</i>. These
+contain sherry and claret. Four <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span>plain silver, plated, or china dishes
+are at the corners with salted almonds, olives, <i>bonbons</i>, and fancy
+cakes. If you wish to be very effective and have the money to spare, it
+is smart at a dinner to have silver candlesticks with candles or tiny
+lamps gleaming behind red or pink shades at each cover. Two or three
+forks are laid at the left of each plate. If more are required, your
+servant will replace them. On the right of the plate are the knives,
+including one for the roast, with the tablespoon for the soup, if it is
+a dinner, and the oyster fork. The napkins should be plain and flat, and
+contain a roll of bread. These hints for arranging the table will do for
+either luncheon or dinner. Not one of the articles is in itself
+expensive, and you may possess them all with the accumulation of years.
+If not, a simpler arrangement could be effected, or you could give the
+entertainment at a restaurant instead of your rooms or house. <a name="luncheons_bachelor" id="luncheons_bachelor"></a>The
+invitations can be either verbal or written, but at best a luncheon or
+dinner in a bachelor's apartments is regarded as a little frolic, and
+you must try to preserve the spirit and waive the formalities.</p>
+
+<p><a name="chaperones" id="chaperones"></a>A chaperon, of course, is necessary. The party can be limited to about
+eight. If you have a manservant he should be dressed in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>black coat and
+trousers, white shirt, standing collar and tie, and liveried waistcoat.
+His duties are to open the door and to serve the luncheon. But a
+manservant is not necessary. Some of the smartest bachelors in New York
+give delightful little dinners and luncheons at their apartments, at
+which the maid who has cooked the meal, dressed in white apron and black
+gown, also serves it.</p>
+
+<p><a name="menus_2" id="menus_2"></a><a name="champagne_2" id="champagne_2"></a><a name="luncheon_5" id="luncheon_5"></a>The <i>menu</i> should be the usual one expected at luncheons, but champagne
+is never offered by a man to women in his apartments, unless at dinner
+or a theater supper. If a wealthy bachelor has a large house, and
+instead of one there are a number of matrons chaperoning, the case is
+different. Manhattan or Martini cocktails could be passed around before
+luncheon, or some little peculiar dish be served to give a zest to the
+occasion.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dinner_3" id="dinner_3"></a><i>A bachelor's dinner</i> at his house or apartments is a more formal
+entertainment, but it differs in nowise from a regular function of that
+character. The chaperon takes the place of the lady of the house for
+that occasion. Dressing rooms are arranged for the men and women, and
+the same ceremonies observed as at any formal dinner. If the affair is
+given in apartments, of course the character must be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span>more or less
+informal, as the accommodations are limited. <a name="dinner_serving" id="dinner_serving"></a>Should you have a man serve
+at your dinner, he must be in evening dress. Both at dinner and at
+luncheon he must have gloves, but this is not required of a maid.</p>
+
+<p><a name="supper" id="supper"></a>A bachelor's supper in his own apartments is sometimes given after the
+play. <a name="menus_3" id="menus_3"></a>Of the <i>menu</i>, I will speak a little farther on. <a name="chafing_dish" id="chafing_dish"></a>A chafing-dish
+supper is, however, an unique and enjoyable entertainment. Several
+chafing dishes should be ready, so that each course can follow without
+delay. Terrapin, truffled eggs, curried oysters, and other dainties of
+this kind comprise usually the <i>menu</i>. It would be well to serve first
+oysters on the half shell, followed by lobster <i>&agrave; la Newburg</i>, the
+latter being the first <i>plat</i> cooked with the chafing dish. <a name="champagne_3" id="champagne_3"></a>Champagne is
+a good wine, and allowable for a chafing-dish supper; but if Welsh
+rarebits are the <i>chef d'&#339;uvre</i>, then beer or ale would be better.</p>
+
+<p><a name="theater_parties" id="theater_parties"></a><i>A theater party</i> should be confined to eight or ten. A <i>parti
+carr&eacute;</i>&mdash;four people&mdash;is delightful. <a name="chaperones_2" id="chaperones_2"></a><a name="supper_restaurant" id="supper_restaurant"></a>Unmarried women do not go to
+theaters or restaurants with a man alone. They must be chaperoned, even
+at a matin&eacute;e or a luncheon party at a hotel or restaurant&mdash;in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span>fact, an
+unmarried couple is seldom seen at public places in New York, unless
+they are engaged, and married women are as much compromised as unmarried
+ones by indifference to this absolute rule of etiquette.</p>
+
+<p>The invitations can be either verbal or written. In the season it is
+better to write them, to insure the acceptance of guests. Be careful in
+the wording to give not only the evening, but the name of the play and
+the theater. For a party, always secure end seats, and there will be no
+disturbing of others in case you might be a little late. A box is
+necessary at the circus or at a music hall, but orchestra seats or
+stalls are the best selection for a bachelor's party. Many mothers
+object to their daughters being seen at the theater in a proscenium box.</p>
+
+<p>The rendezvous or meeting place should be at the chaperon's. The
+vestibule of the theater is awkward, except for parties of four. A stage
+is the best vehicle to convey your guests to the playhouse. At the
+theater the host sees that his guests are provided with playbills. He
+gives the tickets to the usher, and precedes the party down the aisle.
+He indicates the order of sitting. A man should go in first, followed by
+the woman with whom he is to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span>sit, and then, thus sandwiched, the rest
+of the party file in, the host taking the aisle or end seat. The host
+sits next to the chaperon. <a name="opera_visits" id="opera_visits"></a>Gentlemen do not go out between the acts at
+the theater, but sometimes, when there is a party to the opera, they can
+leave their seats if other men come to visit the ladies. A man going in
+or out a theater aisle should do so with his face toward the stage and
+his back to the seat. A host never leaves his guests. After the play go
+a little ahead and give your carriage check to the porter as soon as
+possible, so that there may not be a long wait. The porter expects a
+small fee. All theater parties are followed by a supper given either at
+a restaurant, at the club, in the ladies' annex, or at your bachelor
+apartments.</p>
+
+<p><a name="restaurant" id="restaurant"></a>All luncheons, dinners, or suppers at a restaurant, unless organized on
+the spur of the moment, are ordered beforehand, and everything,
+including the waiter's tip, arranged and settled for. If you have not an
+account at the restaurant, pay the bill at the time you order the <i>menu</i>
+and reserve the table. Flowers should be included, and a centerpiece of
+roses, which are so arranged as to come apart and be distributed in
+bunches to each of your fair guests, is one of the favorite devices.
+Small <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span><i>boutonni&egrave;res</i> are provided for the men. <a name="supper_2" id="supper_2"></a>The public restaurant or
+dining room is the place for a bachelor supper when ladies are guests. A
+private room is not proper, and your guests want to see and be seen. <a name="chaperones_3" id="chaperones_3"></a>The
+chaperon is seated at the right hand of the host, unless the party is
+given in honor of a particular woman, in which case she has that place.
+The chaperon is then at your left. Wraps and coats are taken off in the
+hall of the restaurant and checked. There is no order of entry, except
+that the host should precede and the others follow.</p>
+
+<p><a name="menus_4" id="menus_4"></a>The usual <i>menu</i> for a theater supper is:</p>
+
+<div style="padding-left: 4em; text-indent: -2em;">
+<p>I. Clams or oysters on the half shell.</p>
+
+<p>II. Bouillon in cups.</p>
+
+<p>III. Chicken <i>croquettes</i> or sweetbreads with peas, or lobster <i>&agrave; la
+Newburg</i>.</p>
+
+<p>IV. Terrapin or birds with salad.</p>
+
+<p>V. Ices, cakes, <i>caf&eacute; noir</i>, <i>bonbons</i>.</p>
+
+<p>VI. <i>Liqueurs.</i></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>With the oysters or clams white wine is served. <a name="champagne_4" id="champagne_4"></a>Champagne follows the
+bouillon until the end of the supper.</p>
+
+<p>After supper the party usually returns to the residence of the chaperon,
+where the unmarried women have their maids and family escorts awaiting
+them. The host accompanies <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>them to the chaperon's house, but the other
+men take leave at the restaurant. The chaperon may have it arranged to
+have dancing at her house, in which case the party return with her after
+supper.</p>
+
+<p><a name="supper_3" id="supper_3"></a><i>A supper in the ladies' annex</i> in nowise differs from this, except that
+you do not tip the waiter or pay the bill, but have it charged in your
+monthly account.</p>
+
+<p><a name="supper_menu_3" id="supper_menu_3"></a>The <i>menu</i> for a supper at your own apartments follows the same lines as
+those already given.</p>
+
+<p><a name="theater_clubs" id="theater_clubs"></a><i>Theater clubs</i> are associations of women and men, all subscribing,
+meeting at the houses of different members, one of whom gives the
+supper.</p>
+
+<p><a name="bachelor_dances" id="bachelor_dances"></a><i>Bachelors' dances</i> or <i>balls</i> are given at a large hall by a number of
+unmarried men, who subscribe a certain amount each. A number of
+well-known matrons are asked to receive the guests, and a cotillon
+usually follows the supper.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dinner_4" id="dinner_4"></a><i>Impromptu lunches</i>, <i>dinners</i>, or <i>suppers</i> at restaurants sometimes
+require the immediate settlement of the account. Be careful to draw from
+your pocketbook a bill of large denomination, and not a handful of
+change. Do not con over or dispute the items. If you have an <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>account,
+simply sign the check. If not, it is best to give the waiter his tip and
+go to the desk and pay while the members of your party are getting their
+wraps.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dinner_restaurant_host" id="dinner_restaurant_host"></a><i>Dinners at restaurants</i> are frequently given by bachelors, and are
+followed by a visit to the theater. The rendezvous is either at the
+house of the chaperon or at the restaurant itself, should the party be
+limited in number.</p>
+
+<p>The <i>menu</i> varies according to the season. Six courses, including raw
+oysters or clams, soup, fish, <i>entr&eacute;e</i>, roast and vegetables, birds and
+salad, ices and dessert, are sufficient. The form and manner of
+entertaining at a dinner of this kind are similar to those observed at
+suppers.</p>
+
+<p>To a man who frequently entertains, and at a particular restaurant, an
+occasional tip to the head waiter would be of service. This is a word to
+the wise.</p>
+
+<p><a name="card_parties" id="card_parties"></a><i>Card parties</i> for the playing of whist, domino, or poker are often
+given by bachelors at their apartments or residences. In apartments this
+class of entertainment is only for men. Women should not go to
+bachelors' apartments except for luncheon, dinner, or supper. In a
+bachelor's house, however, any enter<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span>tainment can be given. <a name="supper_4" id="supper_4"></a>Small stakes
+are played for and the usual supper follows. The <i>farewell bachelor
+dinner</i> will have its proper place in the chapter on Wedding Etiquette.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE COUNTRY HOUSE.</h3>
+
+
+<p class="center"><span class="smcap">The Bachelor as Host.&mdash;The Bachelor as Guest</span>.</p>
+
+<p><a name="country_house" id="country_house"></a>Bachelors, whose incomes are of all sizes and conditions, can have some
+kind of a country house. It may be a fishing lodge, a hunting box,
+maintained by three or four men clubbing together; a small cottage
+plainly and simply furnished at the seashore, near golf links, or in a
+good neighborhood; or again a large establishment, a villa at Newport or
+in a fashionable colony with a retinue of servants and a stable filled
+with horses. Whichever it might be, open hospitality, as much as it is
+in your power, should prevail. However, never attempt anything more than
+you can accomplish, and by all means do not run into debt. To a fishing
+or hunting lodge men only should be invited. It should be furnished with
+the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>mere necessaries, and hung with fishing and hunting prints and
+trophies of the chase. The hall serves as sitting and even mess room. A
+man of all work or an old married couple are the best servants. Ample
+supplies are sent from town, but the leading idea is roughing it, and
+the table is partially supplied by the game and fish brought back by you
+and your friends. When the term of the visit of your guests expires,
+each should be able to bring home a basket of fish or some game. From
+time to time send to any of your hostesses of the winter something from
+your preserves. These attentions are much appreciated.</p>
+
+<p><a name="country_house_entertaining" id="country_house_entertaining"></a>A truck farm or a small country place near town, which may have either
+fallen to you by inheritance or which you may have purchased, or which
+you have for kennels or for your horses, can also be used for
+entertaining. Even in the largest of these houses the plan of furnishing
+is substantially the same. There should be a masculine note throughout
+the entire scheme. The furniture should be old-fashioned, and the
+pictures sporting and hunting prints and steel engravings. There should
+be an air of homeliness and open hospitality about the place. It should
+look as if it were verily Liberty Hall.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>A tract of unprofitable land could be converted into golf links and a
+tennis court laid out. <a name="picnics" id="picnics"></a>A picnic is the popular form in which bachelors
+who have such a possession may entertain. Some fifty to one hundred
+people can be invited, and a special train or boat, if the place is too
+far from the city for a drive, chartered for their accommodation. The
+invitations should state the hour at which this train or boat would
+leave the city. Stages await the guests at the country station and bring
+them up to the house. Cocktails, drinkables, claret cup, tea, and
+sandwiches are served on their arrival. There should be no fixed
+programme of amusement. Luncheon, or luncheon and dinner both, according
+to the length of stay, could be served, and the <i>menu</i> should embrace a
+few courses of country fare. Dancing in the barn during the afternoon
+will be another form of entertainment, or if you wish to give an
+elaborate entertainment, vaudeville performers might be hired for the
+hour after luncheon.</p>
+
+<p><a name="chaperones_4" id="chaperones_4"></a>In a large establishment the bachelor who entertains usually has
+residing with him a sister or female relative who acts as hostess. One
+of the delights of a wealthy bachelor is to have a large and
+well-appointed stable with a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span>number of traps which are at the
+disposition of his guests.</p>
+
+<p>A bachelor host always drives to the station or boat to meet his guests.
+A drag, three-seated surrey, or a station van would be the smart
+vehicle. I am now writing of a man of large means. The method of
+entertaining should be the English one, without any fixed programme for
+the days of the guests' stay. Only when there is shooting, the party is
+expected to assemble in the morning. If there is a local club, your men
+guests should be put up at it, and the entire party made visiting
+members of the neighboring casino. The rest is conveyed in the advice to
+have always plenty of good cheer and to entertain the visitors as much
+as possible. In these houses there is much drinking, possibly, and
+perhaps cards, but a young man who is a guest should be firm enough to
+resist temptation, and to stand by his convictions.</p>
+
+<p><a name="country_house_furnishing" id="country_house_furnishing"></a>One word more, and this applies to many country houses, if not all of
+them. See that your guests' bedrooms are provided with soap, hair and
+clothes' brushes, and toilet articles. The desk should be filled with
+letter paper and envelopes, and if you want to appear very fashionable,
+the stationery should have the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span>name of your place in blue or red
+letters at the top or in the right-hand corner of the first sheet. Many
+convivial souls place on a side table in each room mineral water,
+cigarettes, cigars, and the inevitable decanter.</p>
+
+<p><a name="country_house_visits" id="country_house_visits"></a>When you are a guest you are met at the station by one of your host's
+traps. Do not be surprised, however, if you do not find this
+accommodation. It is considered very English, I know not why, to allow
+bachelors to reach a country house by the best means they can find at
+the station or landing. You are received by your host, and after
+refreshment are shown to your room. If you arrive late in the afternoon
+you do not see your hostess, but dress for dinner and find her in the
+drawing room when you go downstairs. You are expected to conform to the
+rules of the house as to the hours for meals, and to place yourself at
+the service of your hostess. You must certainly appear at any function
+which has been arranged for you, and it is very impolite to accept,
+during your stay, any outside invitation to any affair to which your
+host and hostess have not also been asked. If you have a valet you may
+bring him with you, but you must certainly notify your host of this
+intention. Few houses in this country have the ac<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>commodations necessary
+for outside servants.</p>
+
+<p><a name="tips" id="tips"></a>Tipping is demoralizing, but it is an accepted custom. On your departure
+after a short stay, at Newport or a very fashionable resort, the servant
+who attends you should have five dollars, the butler five dollars, the
+coachman five dollars, and the chambermaid two dollars. At smaller
+places five dollars altogether, judiciously distributed, is ample, or a
+dollar each to three of the servants.</p>
+
+<p>The first-mentioned amounts can be placed in envelopes and given to the
+servant attending you for the others. All this is a question of
+resources, and there are many men who avoid invitations to the large
+country houses in the East and North because they can not afford the
+tips. In England, when one is invited to the shooting, one tips the
+gamekeeper one to five pounds, according to the extent of the bag and
+duration of visit.</p>
+
+<p><a name="trunk" id="trunk"></a>The usual method of inviting men in this country for a short stay is
+from Friday or Saturday until Monday. <a name="clothes_packing_2" id="clothes_packing_2"></a>It has often been a puzzle to them
+as to what they should take in their bag or how much luggage they should
+carry. At most not more than a good-sized bag or valise and perhaps a
+hatbox. For an even<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>ing's stay a dress-suit case is sufficient. In your
+valise must be placed your evening clothes, and if the party is to be
+somewhat of an informal one, I would also take my dinner jacket. If you
+are going to a very fashionable resort, a black frock coat, waistcoat,
+and fancy trousers would not be amiss, but in that case you would have
+also to take a hatbox for your top hat. Of recent years men in the
+country have been consulting their comfort more than absolute accuracy
+in the details of dress. Even at garden parties, at church, and at
+afternoon teas during the month of August at Newport, which is, after
+all, only the fashionable metropolis transported to another locality for
+the summer, you seldom see a frock coat or a top hat. Unless you are
+sure that there will be an occasion where these would be positively
+required, I would not take them, especially on so short a visit. The
+linen to be brought should consist of a dress shirt for each evening and
+a colored shirt for each morning, half a dozen handkerchiefs, two
+complete changes of underclothes, three pairs of ordinary and two pairs
+of black silk hose, and a pair of pyjamas. Take three of your ties for
+day wear and four white lawn for evening, and one black in case you are
+to use your dinner jacket. Slippers for the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span>bedroom and pumps for
+evening wear should complete the clothing carried, unless you take your
+frock coat, when you would have to bring patent leather boots to wear
+with afternoon dress. I have given rather a liberal allowance of
+articles for a short stay, but one must be prepared for accidents or
+emergencies. It is better to take an extra shirt, or a change of
+underclothes, or a few more ties than one could ordinarily use, so that
+some <i>contretemps</i> would not cause great annoyance and inconvenience. In
+the absence of a dressing case, care must be taken of the articles for
+the toilet. The tooth, nail, and shaving brushes, the sponges and
+washrags, should be packed in little waterproof silk bags, which can be
+obtained at a small price at any chemist's. Your host or hostess should
+provide you with soap, but I would not take the risk. I should bring my
+own in a little metal soapbox or well wrapped in thick paper. Your
+shaving articles, a shoehorn, button hook, nail file, small pair of nail
+scissors, tooth powder, or listerine should not be forgotten. The large
+articles, your combs and your brushes, can all be wrapped separately in
+tissue paper. It would be gallant of you to bring a box of sweets for
+your hostess.</p>
+
+<p>If you are asked to play golf, it might be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>more convenient to travel in
+your golf togs, which would serve as a lounge suit. But in that case a
+pair of long trousers to match your coat and waistcoat, or an entire
+lounge suit should be carried, as on Sunday you would be very
+uncomfortable in golf dress, and somewhat out of place. Or you might put
+your "knickers" in the bag, and wear the coat and waistcoat with long
+trousers.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2>
+
+<h3>A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="servants" id="servants"></a>As soon as a bachelor begins to branch out a little and to have an
+apartment or a house or a country establishment, though the latter be
+only a fishing or a hunting box, he must hire servants. <a name="servants_duties" id="servants_duties"></a>The general
+servant is perhaps the one most universally employed. Many bachelors
+hire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking, but takes
+care of the apartment, valets him, and waits at table when he has guests
+to dinner. Others employ a man to look after them, who is valet and
+general <i>factotum</i>, and others again, with larger establishments, a man
+and wife. The former does the valeting, the waiting, and is steward and
+butler, while the woman attends to the cooking and laundry. There are
+quite a number of bachelor households of this description in our large
+cities, the occupants being several in number and clubbing together. One
+is appointed <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span>treasurer, and the butler and cook are hired at a stated
+price and receive a certain sum for catering. When good servants of this
+kind are found they are treasures.</p>
+
+<p><a name="clean_shaven_servants" id="clean_shaven_servants"></a>All menservants should be clean shaven. A short bit of side whiskers&mdash;<i>&agrave;
+la</i> mutton chop&mdash;is allowed; but under no circumstances should they have
+bearded faces or wear a mustache. Their linen and attire should be
+faultless. In the treatment of servants a man must exercise an iron
+will. He can be kind and considerate, but he must never descend to
+dispute with one, and certainly not swear at him. To be on familiar
+terms with one's servants shows the cloven foot of vulgarity. Discharge
+a servant at once when he is disrespectful or when he is careless in his
+duties or in his conduct. When asking for anything there is no necessity
+of forgetting the elements of true politeness, nor is it a blot on your
+deportment to utter a civil "thank you" for a service performed. All
+servants should address you as "Sir," and when called should reply "Yes,
+sir," and certainly not "All right." Your menservants touch their hats
+to you on receiving orders in the open, on being addressed, and upon
+your appearance. Encourage your servants now and then by a kind word,
+and see that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span>they have good and wholesome food, clean and comfortable
+quarters. Once in a while give them a holiday, or an evening off, a cash
+remembrance at Christmas, and from time to time some part of your
+wardrobe or cast-off clothing. They are just like children, and must be
+treated with the rigor and mild discipline which a schoolmaster uses
+toward his pupils. In all their movements they should be noiseless and
+as automatic as possible in their actions.</p>
+
+<p>And now for particular servants hired by a bachelor:</p>
+
+<p><a name="groom" id="groom"></a>The <i>groom</i> is, with the exception of the general servant, the first
+domestic likely to be in the employ of an unmarried man of moderate
+means. When a bachelor becomes a horse owner he can never be too
+particular about his turnouts and his liveries. <a name="dress_groom" id="dress_groom"></a>The groom in the city or
+at a fashionable watering place should have two liveries&mdash;one for dress
+occasions and the other for what is known as a "stable suit." The
+latter, which is a simple English tweed or whipcord, made with a cutaway
+coat of the same material, will answer perfectly well for the country,
+where it is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries. A square brown Derby
+is worn with this suit, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span>brown English driving gloves, and a white
+plastron or coachman's scarf. This flat scarf is the badge of
+distinction between the house and stable servant. No tie pin nor
+trinkets of any description should be allowed servants. The best dress
+livery is a frock coat, single-breasted, of kersey, the color of your
+livery; white buckskin riding breeches, top boots, top hat, white
+plastron, standing collar, and brown driving gloves. One distinctive
+color should be used, not only for your liveries but also for your
+traps, as well as one kind of harness. The cockade on the hat is the
+privilege abroad of ambassadors; it is bad form. Besides the care of
+your horse or horses, your groom must be a species of outside general
+servant, ready to go on errands or attend to the numerous duties of a
+manservant about a country place. By no means can he be substituted for
+a valet, a butler, or an indoor servant. When he brings your trap to the
+door he holds the animals' heads until you are seated, when he touches
+his hat and lets go the reins. If he is to sit behind in the trap he
+must hold himself upright with folded arms. He alights immediately the
+trap is stopped, running all errands, and holding the horses until the
+drive is resumed. He sometimes accompanies his <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span>master when the latter
+rides. He brings his horse to the door and holds it until the mount. He
+follows, occasionally, on another horse at a respectful distance. Should
+you be wealthy enough to have also a coachman, your groom can act as
+second man on the box. <a name="dress_coachman" id="dress_coachman"></a>A coachman's dress livery consists of a
+double-breasted long coachman's coat, top boots, and buckskin breeches,
+white flat plastron, high collar and top hat, and brown driving gloves.
+<a name="coachman_duties" id="coachman_duties"></a>When both servants are employed the groom is under the orders of the
+coachman as regards the stable work.</p>
+
+<p><a name="valet" id="valet"></a><i>The Valet.</i>&mdash;Of course a valet is a luxury. A man can valet himself
+very easily, and if the instructions given in the chapters on the Care
+of Clothes and The Toilet are followed carefully, I hardly think that
+you would need such a personage. A woman can be perfectly trained to
+valet a man. Your general servant can also, and is required to fill this
+position. If you live at a club the club valet will attend to your
+clothes, and perform the duties of a private servant. There are
+"valeting companies" organized in many large cities, which take entire
+charge of your wardrobe, and again there are valets who are hired by
+several men clubbing together, and who are very capable <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>servants. The
+individual valet, however, is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor of
+wealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, or if he goes out a great
+deal in society. A valet's duties are first and principally the entire
+charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, the details of which have
+been given in previous chapters. They begin an hour or so before the
+master rises, when clothes are to be pressed and put in order, boots and
+shoes to be polished and placed on their trees, and the costume of the
+day to be made ready. If possible, a small room is provided for him as
+his workshop.</p>
+
+<p>At the hour for rising, the valet enters his master's room very quietly,
+and, if he is awake, pulls up the shades and lets in the daylight. The
+bath is then prepared, and while that is being taken the newspapers,
+mail, and breakfast tray are brought in, and the valet waits for orders.
+Some men require their valets to shave them, but the majority simply
+intrust the care of their razors to them, preferring to perform that
+operation themselves. The valet assists his master in dressing, and,
+when the toilet is finished, ties or buttons the boots, arranges the
+spats, and gives a final brush to the clothes. He then fetches the
+stick, gloves, and hat. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>During the day he may be employed on errands,
+in answering tradespeople, in paying bills, or in any minor occupations
+of that kind. A first-class servant of this character should not only be
+steward but secretary. When writing letters for his master he should
+write them in the third person, and also sign them "Respectfully yours,
+<span class="smcap">John Smith</span>, <i>valet</i>."</p>
+
+<p>A valet is told of the engagements of the day, and has the clothes
+arranged accordingly, and he must be at his post. In the evening the
+dress suit is laid out, with choice of ties and two coats, the formal
+and informal, or Tuxedo. A valet must be at the rooms when his master
+retires. In traveling he takes care of the luggage, tickets, and all the
+little annoying details. He travels second class abroad, and in this
+country he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a drawing-room
+car with his master. <a name="dress_valet" id="dress_valet"></a>The valet wears no livery. He dresses quietly in a
+plain sack suit of dark material, and wears a Derby hat. <a name="dinner_serving_2" id="dinner_serving_2"></a>Should he be
+required to wait on table, he dresses in semi-livery if the affair is a
+luncheon, and in evening dress if it is a dinner.</p>
+
+<p><a name="butler" id="butler"></a>The <i>butler</i> is a very rare functionary in a bachelor's establishment,
+only the wealthiest being able to afford him. <a name="dress_butler" id="dress_butler"></a>The valet or gen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>eral
+servant acts as butler, and when in this position he should always have
+a black coat on when answering the bell.</p>
+
+<p>I have used the terms throughout this chapter of "master" and "servant."
+Employer and employee are correct only when the relations between the
+two persons are not of a domestic character.</p>
+
+<p>The most fashionable and efficient menservants are of English, Scotch,
+or Irish birth or descent. Japanese make excellent valets. Colored
+coachmen and grooms are not the vogue in New York or vicinity, but they
+are seen in the South. Very wealthy bachelors have introduced a fad for
+East Indian servants, but at present only a few of these have been
+employed, and those at Newport.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE DANCE.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="ball_general_2" id="ball_general_2"></a><a name="dance" id="dance"></a>This is certainly a most important subject, and one which can not be
+lightly treated. I have thought it better to use exclusively the New
+York forms, which differ somewhat from the English, the French, and
+continental, as well as from a certain code of etiquette prevailing in
+other American cities.</p>
+
+<p>I shall therefore, as we have no State balls or ceremonials of that
+character, consider public assemblages, a few of which are patronized by
+society in New York and elsewhere.</p>
+
+<p><a name="charity_ball" id="charity_ball"></a>Of absolutely public balls the only one which society attends is the
+Charity. In New York this has fallen somewhat in fashionable popularity,
+although efforts are being made to revive it. In Chicago and in other
+cities it is still a very fashionable function. It is there well
+patronized and is considered smart. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span>Tickets to the Charity are sold by
+a number of lady patronesses, and you are apt to receive one or several
+from some of them, if you are a rich young man, with a request to
+purchase. <a name="ball_invitation_2" id="ball_invitation_2"></a>If the note states that you are expected to be a guest you are
+simply to answer it, as you would any other invitation, and certainly
+not to inclose any money. Patronesses frequently are named because it is
+expected that they will purchase quite a number of tickets. And here let
+me give a useful hint. In sending money to this and for charitable
+entertainments in general, always do it by check; never inclose bills.
+If you must use cash, keep it for your small tradespeople.</p>
+
+<p>Everything may be said to have its price at a Charity Ball. Supper is
+sometimes included with the ticket. The repast is usually rather poor,
+but then you must remember it is for charity. Perhaps you will be asked
+some time in advance by the patronesses to be one in the "grand march."
+The "grand march" proper is a form of exhibition long since relegated to
+balls of the "Tough Boys' Coterie" and other assemblages of the same
+class. But it has survived, in place of a lancers or quadrille of honor,
+at the Charity Ball, and we have either to go through with it or watch
+it from the boxes <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span>with Christian patience. If you are to take part, I
+would advise you to present yourself at the hall or opera house about
+nine o'clock. The floor manager will do the rest. You are to offer your
+left arm to the lady you are taking out, and you march around the place
+in regular line, sometimes once, sometimes twice, and the agony is over.
+The company assembled does not join in this ceremony, and the formation
+of figures and countermarches is an affair in vogue at balls of a
+different class, which I should imagine none of my readers would
+patronize or even "hear tell of," except through the newspapers.</p>
+
+<p><a name="inauguration_ball" id="inauguration_ball"></a>The Inauguration Ball in Washington, as well as the New Years'
+receptions at the different embassies' and secretaries' houses, are
+public functions to which the populace get admittance. They are crushes
+of the worst description, and at many of them refreshments are served.
+Except to make an obeisance to your distinguished host and hostess&mdash;if
+to the President, shaking hands with him&mdash;no other ceremony is needed.</p>
+
+<p>At Newport and at other watering places there are during the season
+semipublic dances at the Casino. Any one who subscribes to that place of
+amusement is entitled to all the social <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span>privileges. The tickets can be
+obtained from the secretary or his agent.</p>
+
+<p><a name="assembly_balls_2" id="assembly_balls_2"></a>In every city there is an assembly or dancing organization on the lines
+of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs in New York. This is in itself not
+original with the "Four Hundred"&mdash;vulgar term!&mdash;but was copied from the
+St. Cecilia, the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristocratic
+Charleston, where it has existed since the days of the Revolution. The
+assemblies proper in New York are called the Matriarchs. The
+arrangements are in the hands of a number of fashionable women instead
+of men. The plan of all these organizations is practically the same. In
+order to make matters easy and to pilot my reader through the
+intricacies of a fashionable ball, I will suppose that he is a stranger
+in New York, with some smart friends, and that he is going either to the
+Patriarchs' or to the Assembly. The rules laid down will hold good for
+other cities. Your first intimation may be while visiting at the house
+of one of the patrons or patronesses, when your hostess or host may ask
+you if you would like to go to the Assembly or the Patriarchs'. If you
+have no other engagement for that evening&mdash;and I think it would be
+policy for you to make others subservient to this&mdash;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span>you should reply
+that you would be delighted to do so. Your host or hostess will then say
+that he or she will send you a ticket. This may be one way, or you may
+receive a note asking if you are free for that particular date, whether
+"would you like to go to the Assembly?" etc., or again, you might simply
+receive a note with a ticket. In any one of these cases, just as soon as
+you receive the ticket you must answer your correspondent immediately,
+accepting, or, if you can not go, regretting and returning it. You must
+remember that all tickets are personal and each Patriarch or each
+patroness has only a certain number.</p>
+
+<p><a name="cards_visiting_2" id="cards_visiting_2"></a><a name="calls_general_2" id="calls_general_2"></a>I would, if there were time between the date for the ball and the
+reception of your ticket, call or leave cards personally on your hostess
+or host for the evening, according to rules in a former chapter. I do
+not believe this is considered necessary in New York, and perhaps some
+people would think you were straining a point, but New York "society"
+manners to-day are not all that could be desired.</p>
+
+<p>The evening arrives. Balls and dances are theoretically supposed to
+begin at ten o'clock. You can safely go a little after eleven. You <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span>will
+be early enough. Your ticket is received, your hat and coat removed,
+your hat check given, and you proceed to the ballroom.</p>
+
+<p>It is almost needless for me to tell you how to dress for this occasion.
+At dances of any kind, formal evening dress is required.</p>
+
+<p>On entering the room, if it is at the Assembly, you will encounter a
+line of patronesses. You should make a low, sweeping bow to them and, if
+convenient, speak to your hostess, be it only a few words of greeting.
+If not at that time, select a later hour in the evening. No one shakes
+hands.</p>
+
+<p>You look around to find your friends and acquaintances. At the
+Patriarchs' the chaperons sit upon a raised platform, or dais, I might
+call it, all together. Their charges, once away from them, are around
+the rooms. In nearly all the cities, except New York, every guest is
+provided with a dancing card, which makes the keeping of dancing
+engagements a part of the festivity. New York is too large for such
+things, and dancing cards have been relegated to the realms of innocuous
+desuetude. However, if you are at a ball or a dance in another city
+where they are used, your first duty would be to have your engagements
+filled. You <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span>should remain with your partner after each dance until her
+next cavalier appears.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dance_card" id="dance_card"></a>New Yorkers are sensible, if only for this reason, for having banished
+the dance card. It is hard for a man to tell a woman he must leave her,
+but I think it is better by far to do so than to appear rude to your
+succeeding partner. A woman who has so little regard for you and such
+selfish consideration for herself does not deserve to be handled with
+gloves. And yet it needs a heroic soul to abandon her in a crowded
+ballroom, even if it is to lead her back to her chaperon.</p>
+
+<p>In New York everything is simplified. There exist no such social
+complications. Everybody is more or less grouped together, and you
+generally know in which part of the room you are to find your friends.
+<a name="dance_ask" id="dance_ask"></a>You exchange greetings with the women you know, and if you wish to ask
+one of them to dance, you say, "May I have the pleasure of this turn
+with you?" or "Can I have a turn with you?" It is absolutely impossible
+to keep dance engagements, and you are obliged, perhaps, to snatch a
+dance whenever you can get it. After your turn you must always manage to
+stop at about the point where you began. <a name="chaperones_5" id="chaperones_5"></a>You will be sure to find your
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span>partner's chaperon just at that place. There are two reasons for
+this&mdash;one is that the man with whom your partner has engaged weeks, if
+not months, before (one has to do this in New York) to dance the
+cotillon has reserved his chairs there, and she has told many of her
+friends just about in which part of the ballroom she may be found; and
+another is that New York women, under all circumstances, keep a
+distinctive place in a ballroom.</p>
+
+<p>A gentleman never dances without gloves. He always puts them on before
+entering the ballroom. A man should dance easily and gracefully, and
+look as if he were enjoying himself. He should be careful about guiding
+and not running into people. Swinging the hands is vulgar and unsightly.
+<a name="waltzing" id="waltzing"></a>The waltz seems to survive all other forms of dancing, but there is
+every now and then a revival of the polka. Two steps and fancy dances
+are the vogue at summer hotels, but not at smart functions.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dance_forms" id="dance_forms"></a><a name="lancers" id="lancers"></a>The quadrille of to-day is the simple lancers, and some years ago it was
+a silly fad to pretend not to remember the figures. A little life and
+spirit are sometimes introduced in the lancers when the gathering is
+small, and among intimate friends there is more or less occasion for it.
+The barn dance has gone out <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span>of fashion entirely in America, but our
+English cousins, especially those living in the country and in Suburbia,
+are very fond of it. Balls frequently end with Sir Roger de Coverley,
+the English form of the Virginia reel.</p>
+
+<p><a name="ball_supper" id="ball_supper"></a>About two o'clock supper is announced, and this is done all over the
+world, I believe, by the strains of the Priests' March in Norma. So it
+was in my grandfather's day, and so it is to-day and was at the very
+last Patriarchs', the very last Assembly, and the very last large ball
+at Newport. Engagements for supper are made in New York weeks or even
+months beforehand. You should settle this with your partner, and as
+supper is served at tables of parties of four or six, an agreeable
+quartette or sextette can be secured. Parties are never less than four,
+and a girl who sups alone with a man, even at the Patriarchs', is
+considered very fast, and by such impudent behavior would lose caste.
+You should arrange with your partner, therefore, to be as near the
+supper-room door as possible about the supper hour. There is always a
+rush and a crush, and no tables are reserved except those for the
+patronesses or the Patriarchs. Two of the party should get in early and
+reserve the table and wait until the rest arrive. Ball suppers are
+nearly all alike. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span><a name="menus_5" id="menus_5"></a>Four or five courses, which commence with oysters,
+are followed by bouillon, and then terrapin and birds, and salad and
+ices, fruit and coffee. Three kinds of wine are served, and champagne
+forms the chief. Many matrons even will not allow their daughters to go
+to supper without being chaperoned, and so when you ask your partner she
+will sometimes have her parents obtain the table. Should you be asked to
+the table of one of the patronesses, you will have a partner provided
+for you. Remember the first engagement should always be kept, and if a
+patroness should honor you with such an invitation, and you have made
+prior arrangements, you should at once explain by note your position,
+which will be a sufficient excuse to your would-be hostess.</p>
+
+<p>After supper the cotillon, or German, as it is sometimes called, is
+danced.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE COTILLON.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="cotillon" id="cotillon"></a>At large balls, like the Patriarchs', there is hardly time for more than
+two or three figures and one favor figure. It is almost useless for me
+to go into the history of the cotillon, and I do not believe that it
+would be of any service to my readers. <a name="cotillon_form" id="cotillon_form"></a>We imported it from France about
+the same time as the English, and it owes its origin, I believe, to
+Germany. For the past thirty years it has been a favorite form of dance.
+It is picturesque and amusing, and, besides, gives the opportunity for
+the exchange among the dancers of pretty trifles provided by the
+generosity of the host. At large semipublic balls like the Patriarchs'
+(I use "semipublic" simply because given by a number and not in a
+private house) the favors are very simple, but at special cotillons or
+at those danced at private houses they are extremely elaborate and
+costly.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span>Cotillon seats are generally secured in the early part of the evening by
+tying handkerchiefs to the backs of the chairs. At the Patriarchs' and
+other large balls they can be secured by arrangement with one of the
+stewards, as each Patriarch has so many reserved for him, and the man
+invited by one of them can obtain permission and ask for two of his
+host's seats. But this is not usual, and is known as a "little trick of
+the trade."</p>
+
+<p><a name="cotillon_leading" id="cotillon_leading"></a>To be a successful leader of cotillons it requires the skill and the
+tact of a general&mdash;I might almost say of a Napoleon Bonaparte. One's
+talents should not be altogether in one's heels and one's toes. The
+leader must be an excellent dancer and a firm disciplinarian. He must
+see that the wall flowers have an occasional turn, and that every one
+gets at least one favor. As he has to marshal a large force of people he
+is bound to find among them&mdash;of course in the orthodox society manner&mdash;a
+few turbulent spirits, a few who would mutiny, and who must be taught
+their places in a conciliatory but positive manner.</p>
+
+<p>The cotillon in New York is generally danced after supper. It lasts
+about two hours. At large balls two figures are all that can be danced,
+owing to the number of guests. Sometimes it <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span>is led by two couples. A
+leader frequently dances stag&mdash;that is, without a partner. All men
+dancing without partners are called stags. These usually have their
+place by the door and are given their turn last. The leader must
+announce after supper the time for the cotillon to begin. He must see
+that the partners are all in their places. The favor table is generally
+placed at the end of the room opposite the doors, but this depends on
+the shape and the style of the apartment.</p>
+
+<p>Formerly a cotillon leader used a whistle for the different figures;
+to-day, however, he simply claps his hands to denote the changes.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dance_forms_2" id="dance_forms_2"></a>It is almost unnecessary here to illustrate the form of the cotillon. It
+consists in waltzes and sometimes polkas, danced by eight, ten, or
+twelve couples at a time. The couples are seated in chairs around the
+room, the men without partners known as the stags being near the door.
+The leader begins the first figure, which is usually the simplest one,
+by "taking out" or choosing a partner and motioning the first four, six,
+or eight couples with places nearest him on one or both sides of the
+room to rise. All waltz. After a turn around the room the leader stops
+and claps his hands. The partners all separate, and each of them goes
+and chooses <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span>a new one&mdash;the man a new woman, the woman who was his
+partner a new man. The figure is then arranged and danced. After the
+evolution required by the figure is finished there is another short
+waltz, and the dancers return to their places. The leader then calls out
+the next party, and this is repeated until every one in the room has had
+a turn. The stags are called out last. Having no partners to dance with,
+each has the privilege of taking out two ladies&mdash;the first before the
+figure is formed, and the second when the change of partners is
+signalled by the leader. The leader directs the figures and dances all
+the time.</p>
+
+<p>Every second figure is one for the distribution of favors. The same
+procedure occurs, and when the leader claps his hands the dancers
+separate, waiting for the favors to be distributed. The latest custom is
+for the leader and his partner to carry around the favors, to the
+couples whose turn comes next. He gives to the ladies, she to the men.
+The scramble at the favor table has been abolished. The men present
+their favors to the new partners whom they select, and the women do
+likewise. It is very embarrassing and not good form to give your favor
+to the partner with whom you are dancing the cotillon. Favors must be
+sufficient <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span>in quantity not only to go once all around, but there should
+be some left over, as the advent of the stags gives the ladies a double
+chance to bestow favors upon men. The most graceful way of offering a
+favor is to present it with a little bow. Try and locate the places
+where your friends are sitting. It is certainly rude, if not
+tantalizing, to search through a long row of girls dangling a favor. It
+is not difficult in the figures to become well acquainted with the local
+geography. Matrons are asked frequently to preside at the favor tables,
+but recently some of the floral trifles are brought in arranged in a
+sedan chair of flowers, at which two powdered lackeys are stationed,
+like the linkboys of old. Originality, however, has not been rampant in
+cotillons. Favor figures are the most popular. The woman who brings the
+greatest number of favors from a cotillon scores an undoubted triumph.
+She comes from the ballroom flushed and delighted, carrying with her the
+trophies of her victory, which she is pleased to call her "scalps."
+Social obligations are often paid off by men in this way.</p>
+
+<p><a name="cotillon_figures" id="cotillon_figures"></a>Of the few cotillon figures danced in New York society, the grand chain
+is the most popular and the simplest. The number of couples called by
+the leader form themselves <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span>in a ring around the room. At his signal
+they face each other and dance the right and left grand chain, the men
+to the right and the women to the left, until the original parties are
+brought together, when all waltz.</p>
+
+<p>The <i>Sir Roger de Coverley figure</i> is formed in lines of four abreast,
+the men standing together on the inside, and the women next to their
+partners on the outside of the line. When the leader signals, the women
+advance quickly, one after the other, to the head of the line. The men
+then join hands, forming an arch, as in Sir Roger de Coverley; the
+women, passing under two by two, meeting their partners, waltz with
+them.</p>
+
+<p>In the snake figure&mdash;one which is very seldom danced&mdash;quite a large
+number of couples are called, who form a ring around the room. The
+leader, taking the hand of one of the men, breaks the chain, and the
+couples are wound around until they come together in a knot, when the
+signal is given to them to waltz. The wheel figure is somewhat similar,
+and is quite a romp.</p>
+
+<p>In the ring figure another evolution is borrowed from the lancers. Rings
+of four couples form through the room. The men raise their arms and the
+women pass through, dancing <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span>with the men in the next ring, and so on,
+until they get to the top of the room, the men remaining stationary.
+Then a grand march, men to the left, ladies to the right, is formed, and
+the partners meet and dance.</p>
+
+<p>The Maypole and all complicated figures which require the use of toys or
+<i>papier-mach&eacute;</i> articles are not in vogue in New York. In Paris these
+trifles, such as vegetables and heads of animals and other gewgaws, pass
+for favors, as well as to lend a variety to the cotillon. In New York
+very handsome souvenirs have superseded these.</p>
+
+<p>Frequently in large cotillons in New York the blank or nonfavor figures
+are danced only once without change of partners, as in the snake or
+grand chain; otherwise the cotillon would be interminable. The leader
+calls out a number of couples and goes through the figure at once, the
+original partners dancing all the time with each other. I have given
+both forms, and although the first explanation may seem to those who go
+out every year antiquated, it is still the vogue for small and
+consequently enjoyable cotillons.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2>
+
+<h3>A BACHELOR'S LETTERS.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="letters_bachelor" id="letters_bachelor"></a>Letter writing is an art, and there is no pleasure equal to that of
+receiving and reading a chatty and well-worded epistle from some dear
+friend. I have some packets of letters preserved to-day that I read and
+reread. They are always fresh and interesting to me. They are a complete
+index to the character of the writer, and they serve, after long years
+have passed, to bring up again delightful pictures of days and scenes
+which were brighter. <a name="destroying_letters" id="destroying_letters"></a>However, there is one rule a man must observe:
+never keep a compromising letter&mdash;if you should receive one&mdash;especially
+from a woman. Sometimes women are foolish and careless, and they allow
+their pens to run away with them. They bitterly regret their folly, and
+the very idea that there exists somewhere a packet of letters which
+would bring serious trouble, if not ruin, upon them and those they love,
+is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span>a cause of constant grief and worry. I know that there are letters
+written by one once dear, but now perhaps turned fickle or false, or
+separated from us forever, from which we feel loath to part; but we must
+be men and reduce to ashes what would hurt in the very least degree or
+cast a reflection upon an innocent if silly woman. Suppose you were to
+die suddenly, and among your papers these letters were found, with you
+alone, dumb in death, perhaps, only able to vindicate the unfortunate
+writer. We must think of those things. They belong to the <i>personnel</i>
+not only of a true gentleman, but they appeal to our common sense.</p>
+
+<p><a name="business_correspondence" id="business_correspondence"></a>Character is frequently judged by handwriting. Write a good, clear,
+legible hand, without any flourishes, and always use the best and the
+blackest of ink. The typewriter is employed only for business
+correspondence.</p>
+
+<p><a name="envelopes_form" id="envelopes_form"></a><a name="note_paper" id="note_paper"></a>For social correspondence use only Irish-linen white note paper,
+unruled, with square envelopes to match. Fancy or tinted note paper of
+any kind is vulgar. If you have a permanent residence your address can
+be legibly engraved in one color, usually blue or scarlet, at the head
+of the first sheet. If you are a member of a club, the club note paper
+is proper for all social correspondence. <a name="coat_arms" id="coat_arms"></a>If you want to, use your crest
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span>in lieu of address, but this practice is somewhat strained in this
+country. Always add the date in writing. In letters, the day, the month,
+and the year should be written. In notes you only put the day&mdash;for
+instance, "Saturday the twenty-second." <a name="signatures" id="signatures"></a>The best signature is "Sincerely
+yours," and not "Yours sincerely." In England the quaint "Faithfully
+yours" is used for business correspondence. Tradespeople and servants
+only sign "Respectfully yours."</p>
+
+<p><a name="letters_addressing" id="letters_addressing"></a>In America we "esquire" all men who are our equals. A butcher, a baker,
+a tailor or other person, when we order supplies, we address as "Mr."
+The abbreviation "Esq." is the usual form. In England you would write to
+a duke and address the letter "The Duke of Buckingham"; to a knight,
+"Sir Thomas Appleby"; to an earl or a marquis, "Lord Dufferin"&mdash;that is,
+supposing the letter would be a social one.</p>
+
+<p><a name="friendly_letters" id="friendly_letters"></a>In writing to a friend or in answer to an invitation or a note, you
+would begin, "My dear Mrs. Brown," "My dear Mr. Brown," or even "My dear
+Brown," but never "Dear Miss Brown," "Dear Mrs. Brown," or "Dear Brown,"
+unless you were on terms of great intimacy with them. <a name="business_letters" id="business_letters"></a>But if the letter
+is a strictly business one, and the term "Sir" or <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span>"Sirs" is used, then
+you would be obliged to drop the possessive pronoun. A very formal or a
+business letter would begin thus:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p style="margin-bottom: 0em; text-indent: 1.5em;"><i>John Smith, Esq.,</i></p>
+<p style="margin-bottom: 0em; margin-top: 0em; text-indent: 3em;"><i>#22 Pacific Avenue, Brooklyn, N.&nbsp;Y.</i></p>
+<p style="margin-top: 0em; text-indent: 0em;"><i>Dear Sir</i>:</p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p>and not "My dear Sir."</p>
+
+<p>A business letter to a woman demands, however, the possessive "My,"
+thus: "My dear Madam."</p>
+
+<p>To a firm, one writes:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p style="margin-bottom: 0em; text-indent: 0em;"><i>Messrs. John Smith&nbsp;&amp;&nbsp;Co.,</i></p>
+<p style="margin-top: 0em; text-indent: 1.5em;"><i>Dear Sirs</i>:</p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p>and never "Gentlemen"&mdash;a most ridiculous form of address.</p>
+
+<p><a name="clergy" id="clergy"></a>The clergy are addressed "Reverend and dear Sir." A bishop is "Right
+Reverend and dear Sir," and an archbishop "Most Reverend and dear Sir."
+In this republican country all other dignitaries can be addressed as
+"Dear Sir."</p>
+
+<p><a name="third_person" id="third_person"></a>Formal invitations are written in the third person, also letters
+addressed to tradespeople.</p>
+
+<p><a name="envelopes_form_2" id="envelopes_form_2"></a>The address on a letter should be written about the middle of the
+envelope, the street and number a little to the right, and the name <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span>of
+the city and State in the corner. All notes or letters to people in the
+same city should be directed simply with the post-office name without
+the State, unless it is a very small town, or it bears a name such as
+Augusta or Columbus, of which there are more than one in the United
+States. Thus:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p style="margin-bottom: 0em; text-indent: 2.5em;"><i>Mrs. John Brown,</i></p>
+<p style="margin-bottom: 0em; margin-top: 0em; text-indent: 5em;"><i>#227 Euclid Avenue,</i></p>
+<p style="margin-top: 0em; text-indent: 7.5em;"><i>Cleveland.</i></p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p><a name="stamping_letters" id="stamping_letters"></a>The stamp should be placed neatly in the right-hand corner. The mail
+to-day is almost the quickest means of delivery, and a special ten-cent
+stamp will insure, in a large city, a more prompt reception of your
+epistle than if you intrusted it to the tender mercies of a messenger
+boy.</p>
+
+<p>Your paper should fold once in the middle. There is nothing so awkward
+or so apt to give a bad impression as a letter improperly folded. It is
+bulky and unsightly. <a name="envelopes_sealing" id="envelopes_sealing"></a>Private letters should always be sealed with wax,
+in color dark green or red. Black is used for mourning. In sealing a
+letter be careful to make a neat effect, and not to smear the wax all
+over the envelope. The seal is then stamped with your monogram, or, if
+you insist upon it, with your crest, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span>but never with your coat of arms.
+For the purpose of sealing letters men use their seal rings or a little
+stamp which can be obtained at any silversmith's. <a name="stamp_club" id="stamp_club"></a>When writing from the
+club you can use the club stamp. Business letters are moistened and
+gummed, a little damp sponge being used for this purpose. To moisten
+envelopes with the tongue is nasty.</p>
+
+<p><a name="friendly_correspondence" id="friendly_correspondence"></a><a name="club_hotel_letters" id="club_hotel_letters"></a>Letters written on hotel or business paper should be confined to the
+commercial world. Your friends and acquaintances should not receive
+them. Sometimes, when writing from a very interesting place to a very
+intimate friend or to relatives, hotel paper may be used, as you would
+like your correspondent to see a picture of the house at which you are
+stopping.</p>
+
+<p>Every gentleman should, however, carry in his portmanteau a flat
+portfolio with writing materials and a traveling inkstand.</p>
+
+<p>Your personal correspondence should be a reflection of yourself. Be
+pithy, bright, and witty. Give the news and innocent gossip, but beware
+of making statements in letters which you can not substantiate. Above
+all, think twice before you pen a harsh or an unkind word, even if a
+reproof be merited.</p>
+
+<p><a name="business_letters_2" id="business_letters_2"></a>In business letters be brief and to the point.</p>
+
+<p><a name="condolence_congratulation" id="condolence_congratulation"></a>There are two kinds of letters which some<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span>times puzzle the
+writer&mdash;letters of condolence and letters of congratulation. A letter of
+condolence&mdash;as will be explained in the chapter on Funerals&mdash;is due from
+you at the death of a near or dear friend to the relative or
+relatives&mdash;if you feel that you know them all well enough to address
+more than one epistle of sympathy&mdash;nearest and dearest to the deceased.
+Usually one letter is sufficient, but sometimes it may occur that you
+feel that you should also write to others. Make it as natural as
+possible. Avoid all stilted phrases and studied efforts at consolation.
+A few words is all that is necessary. If you have been on intimate terms
+with the family wire them your sympathy, and write a week or so
+afterward.</p>
+
+<p>Letters of congratulation are much easier to compose. On the occasion of
+the announcement of an engagement of a friend, or in answer to his
+letter announcing the happy event, or on the arrival of any good fortune
+to those of whom you are fond or for whom you have a high regard, a
+letter of congratulation is necessary or acceptable. All letters
+announcing sad or joyous news should receive an immediate reply.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE BACHELOR'S CLUB.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="club" id="club"></a>Club life in America is a growth of recent years. It is now so firmly
+established, and it is so popular that there is not a village or even a
+settlement in the United States which has not at least its casino, or
+its little coterie organized for golf, tennis, athletic, or merely
+social enjoyment. All of these, from the great metropolitan clubs of the
+cities down to the very humblest in the "wilds," are governed by club
+laws and are regulated by club etiquette. In New York, now a city of
+clubs, this etiquette differs much from that observed in London, Paris,
+or any of the large continental centers. In London, a man is identified
+with his club. He rarely belongs to more than one, and his membership
+there denotes his social standing, his pursuits in life, and, above all,
+his politics. English clubs are also very jealous of admittance of
+strangers, and are not in the least hospitable <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span>to the foreigner. There
+are exceptions to this among the literary, theatrical, and Bohemian
+organizations, but the Pall Mall clubs are "closed." In New York,
+Boston, Chicago, and other American cities there are organizations which
+insist upon certain qualifications, such as being a university man, a
+lawyer, an author, a physician, or a member of a college fraternity, for
+admittance; but then the members also belong to other clubs, where their
+social standing, or perhaps the extent of their bank account, is their
+passport.</p>
+
+<p>If a man wishes to get on socially, he should belong to at least one
+good club. It gives him his standing in the community, and places him.
+He is no longer on the list of the unidentified.</p>
+
+<p><a name="admission_clubs" id="admission_clubs"></a>When a choice is made of a club which you desire to join, the next step
+would be to have two members in good standing to act as your
+sponsors&mdash;one proposes your name and the other seconds. A good sponsor
+is necessary, and you should choose one who has many friends in the
+organization of which you desire to become a member. The president,
+officers, and the governing committee are debarred from either proposing
+or seconding a name for membership. The term of a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span>man's novitiate
+depends upon the state of the waiting list. Your proposer will notify
+you when your name will be reached, as he himself will be notified in
+writing by the committee on membership. The rules of candidacy differ in
+various clubs. In some, the name of the candidate with those of the two
+members proposing him is exposed in a conspicuous place where the entire
+club can see it. There is also a book in which other members sign the
+application, and the number of signatures, of course, has weight with
+the governors.</p>
+
+<p>Again, the name is inscribed in a book kept for the purpose in the
+steward's office, and it is not necessary that any other indorsement
+except that of your sponsors be made.</p>
+
+<p>Any member objecting to the name of a candidate has two methods by which
+he can make known his objection. One is to write directly to the
+governors, or to the committee on admissions and membership, whichever,
+according to the laws of the club, has the matter in hand. Usually it is
+the governing committee or board of governors. This communication is
+treated, as are all club matters, with the secrecy of the confessional.
+Your sponsors are written to and the objections <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span>stated, but the name of
+the person objecting is withheld. The other method is, if any one has an
+objection to your admission, that he should go at once in a manly way to
+one of your sponsors and state it. It is a rare occurrence in a New York
+club that any candidate is black-balled. The warning from the governing
+committee, or from another member to the sponsors, is a word to the
+wise, and the men who propose you should immediately withdraw your name
+to avoid a disaster. Otherwise a very great risk is run, as objections
+which have any foundation have great weight with the governing
+committee.</p>
+
+<p>In the clubs where the names of the candidates are kept only in a small
+book, while on the waiting list they are posted ten days before the
+election in a conspicuous part of the clubhouse. No candidate can be
+elected to a club who is not personally known to two or more members of
+the governing committee. A short time before election, if the candidate
+has not this acquaintance, it is the duty of his sponsors to take him
+around and introduce him, or to arrange that he will meet these
+gentlemen in some way; otherwise his name will go over; and after two
+setbacks of this kind, it will be rejected.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>On the election of a candidate&mdash;the balloting being done by the
+governing committee&mdash;the sponsors are notified, sometimes by posting and
+otherwise simply by letter. The secretary of the club will let the new
+member know immediately of his election, and the letter, which is
+usually a form, will also notify him that his admission fee and yearly
+dues are payable. The admission or entrance fee to a club is from one
+hundred to two hundred dollars in the well-known New York organizations,
+and the yearly dues are from seventy-five to one hundred dollars. These
+must be paid at once by check. The rules of most clubs allow a
+thirty-day limit. If you are so fortunate as to be admitted after the
+date of the yearly meeting, you will only be liable for one half the
+current yearly dues; otherwise you pay the entire amount.</p>
+
+<p>It is now the duty of the sponsors to introduce their newly elected
+candidate to the club. This is an easy matter. One of them will go with
+you, sit in the general smoking or lounging room, and make you
+acquainted with one or two of his friends. The responsibility is then
+over.</p>
+
+<p>Club etiquette is very simple. It is only the application of the usual
+rules of courtesy observed in private life. The club is your home. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span>You
+should behave there as you would in your own house as host, and
+consequently your conduct toward your fellow-members should be
+characterized by the utmost consideration.</p>
+
+<p>The average clubhouse has a large room on the ground or first floor
+which is used for smoking, reading, the newspapers, and "living"
+generally. On the floors above there are the dining rooms, the library,
+and reading and card rooms. The billiard room occupies a special
+quarter, according to the plan of the house.</p>
+
+<p>A clever man said that there was but one rule of clubhouse etiquette
+different from the general laws of manners, and that was to keep your
+hat on. This is true, but then there are many others. <a name="club_hat" id="club_hat"></a>Men do not take
+off their hats on entering a club, and do not remove them in any room
+except that in which they dine. All social clubs are more or less
+"closed." <a name="club_visitors" id="club_visitors"></a>Visitors are only allowed under certain restrictions. The
+general rule is that a member may invite to the use of the club for a
+period of ten consecutive days any one not a resident of the city, but
+can have no more than one guest at a time. No stranger shall be
+introduced a second time unless he shall have been absent from the city
+three months. In some clubs a member may <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span>introduce as a visitor a
+resident of the city, but he can have no more than one such guest at a
+time. No person shall be introduced more than once in twelve months.
+Other clubs are open to the admission of visitors at certain periods,
+and others again have ladies' days, at which a reception to the fair
+friends of the members is given. All this depends on the rules of the
+club. As soon as you are made a member you are given a little book in
+which these are contained, and you should study them carefully. The name
+of a guest should be entered on the visitors' book with that of his
+host. If the visitor is put up for a certain period a card to the club
+is sent him, and during his stay he has all the privileges of a member.
+He can run up an account, but he should certainly settle it before his
+term expires, otherwise his host will be held responsible.</p>
+
+<p>A clubman never pays an attendant for refreshment or food served.
+<a name="servants_club" id="servants_club"></a>Gratuities of any kind to servants are forbidden. When refreshment is
+required, you press the electric bell, of which there are a number in
+all the rooms, and the attendant comes to you for your order. When he
+brings it he has with it a check which you sign. These checks are, of
+course, debited to you, and you receive your bill once a month, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span>or you
+can make arrangements to pay at the steward's or cashier's desk daily.</p>
+
+<p>You order your meals in the same manner, and when they are ready, the
+servant will notify you.</p>
+
+<p><a name="smoking_2" id="smoking_2"></a>At most of the clubs smoking is not permitted in the dining rooms until
+after nine, nor are refreshments allowed to be served in the visitors'
+room or library at any time. Books and magazines are not to be removed
+from the reading room or library, nor any publication belonging to the
+club from the clubhouse.</p>
+
+<p><a name="pipe_2" id="pipe_2"></a>There is still a prejudice against pipe smoking in many of the clubs,
+and you must consult the rules before you attempt this practice. A man
+does not remove his coat or sit in his shirtsleeves in any of the public
+rooms. An allowance, however, is made in the billiard room.</p>
+
+<p>The loud-voiced man is one of the nuisances of a club. Loud talking may
+be endured in the smoking or general room, but certainly not in the
+library or the reading rooms.</p>
+
+<p>The "kicker" is another objectionable person. He should remember that
+the best way of rectifying abuses is to send to the house committee all
+complaints of any deficiency in the service of the club, of overcharges,
+mis<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span>takes, or defects. The club is not a place to conduct one's
+commercial interests. <a name="club_letters_2" id="club_letters_2"></a>Invitations and special correspondence can be
+conducted on club paper, but certainly it is a breach of club etiquette
+to use it for business purposes.</p>
+
+<p><a name="club_bow" id="club_bow"></a>The man who bows to a woman from a club window is not a gentleman. By
+this action he fastens upon her the most disgraceful odium one of her
+sex can bear.</p>
+
+<p>The name of a woman should never be whispered in a club unless it is to
+say something complimentary of her. Even this is not in good taste.</p>
+
+<p><a name="club_treating" id="club_treating"></a>It is not club etiquette to "treat." You can do so if you desire, but
+you are not obliged to follow this inane custom, which is born of
+bar-room ethics.</p>
+
+<p>All the affairs of a club must be regarded in strict confidence. Under
+no consideration should that which has occurred within these sacred
+portals be divulged to outsiders.</p>
+
+<p><a name="servants_club_2" id="servants_club_2"></a>Once a year&mdash;usually at Christmas&mdash;a subscription is taken up for the
+employees and servants. From five to ten dollars is the proper amount to
+give.</p>
+
+<p><a name="club_ladies" id="club_ladies"></a>A few clubs have a ladies' restaurant attached, where members may take
+their families or give dinners, or where the wives of mem<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>bers have the
+privilege of giving luncheons or other entertainments. <a name="ladies_annex" id="ladies_annex"></a>Otherwise ladies
+are not admitted to the privileges of the clubhouse, except on ladies'
+days, and where there is an "annex" they can only avail themselves of
+that part set aside for their convenience upon the authority of a
+member.</p>
+
+<p>These rules pertaining to the general government of clubs have been
+compiled from the constitution and by-laws of the Union, Metropolitan,
+Knickerbocker, Calumet, and Manhattan Clubs of New York. The
+constitutions of the Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, Chicago, San
+Francisco, and other clubs are almost identical.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE SPORTING BACHELOR.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="sporting" id="sporting"></a><i>Driving.</i>&mdash;Driving really comprises coaching as well as the tandem.</p>
+
+<p>A man who has any pretensions whatever to keeping his own horses or
+driving should be judged by the appearance of his traps. He submits
+himself to what one, to-day, might call the X-ray of criticism. He
+enters a field, and he must be weighed in the balance and his position
+defined by the standard of his associates. I know of no other city in
+the world where there are better groomed horses and better turned out
+equipages than in New York. The American in Hyde Park is shocked at the
+appearance of the traps in that famous driveway of fashion, and his
+national pride is gratified by observing that the smartest are of
+American makes. As to Paris, it is simply beyond the pale of criticism,
+the private turnouts, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span>such as they are, being almost lost in a sea of
+dirty, disgraceful <i>fiacres</i>.</p>
+
+<p>In the first place, your horses must be well groomed, their hoofs
+blackened, and their tails properly banged. I do not intend here to
+enter a discussion concerning the cruelty of docking horses' tails. The
+social law is without exception. Horses with long tails are impossible.
+I believe banging is not accompanied by any physical pain.</p>
+
+<p>The harness, the trap itself, the coachman, and groom or grooms should
+be as immaculate as the horses. There should not be a single item out of
+gear. Every detail must be perfect. Choose some individual color for
+your traps, and never change the colors of your stable any more than you
+would your liveries. I have discussed fully in the chapter on Servants
+the duties of coachmen and grooms, and I refer the reader to that
+section of this book for information concerning liveries and the human
+<i>personnel</i> of your trap.</p>
+
+<p>As to the color of your horses you should consult the fashion of the
+moment. To-day grays and bays are matched, and a person in half mourning
+recently appeared on a leading thoroughfare with a black trap and
+harness and white horses.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>A bachelor, however, should court simplicity, and I do not even approve
+of an equipage with two men on the box for an unmarried man. In fact I
+do not know of a single bachelor who has such a turnout.</p>
+
+<p>A coach, a tandem, a drag, or any of the array of fashionable carts, or
+a private hansom should limit the list.</p>
+
+<p>Coolness and absolute confidence are the requisite virtues of good
+driving.</p>
+
+<p>The driver salutes always with the whip; those on the coach with him or
+in the trap bow.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dress_coaching" id="dress_coaching"></a>Dress for driving in the city is usually that of afternoon, and a high
+hat is indispensable. Sometimes the huge gray coats with large buttons
+and a gray topper are worn. Dogskin driving gloves and driving boots
+complete the costume. In the country one wears tweed or Scotch cheviot
+and a Derby hat. The man who drives mounts last, his horses' heads being
+held by the groom. His whip should be in its socket; the reins loosely
+thrown over the horses' backs. He should spring into his seat and start
+immediately.</p>
+
+<p>There is a certain smartness in driving, in the way you manage your
+whip, your horses, and the many other details, which it is the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span>province
+of a good master of the sport to teach you.</p>
+
+<p>The fashionable hour for driving in New York is from three to five, and
+the drive the Park. At Newport one drives both in the morning and
+evening.</p>
+
+<p>Remember, however, that the secret of your mastery over your stables
+should be your perfect knowledge of every detail. If you are a novice
+you should begin by learning the name and use of each part of your
+harness. You should be able to tell at a glance if everything is right,
+and you can not be too severe if anything is out of gear or the animals
+are not properly groomed. The best position on the box is a firm seat
+with your feet close together. Drive with one hand and keep the whip
+hand free, except for its legitimate use in touching your horses now and
+then, and in saluting.</p>
+
+<p><a name="carriage_2" id="carriage_2"></a>A man always sits with his back to the horses in a Victoria, or any
+other four-seated vehicle, when there are two ladies with him. When
+there is only one he sits by her side. He alights first with a view to
+assisting the ladies. He gets in last.</p>
+
+<p>It is not good form in New York for unmarried couples to drive together,
+unaccom<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span>panied by a chaperon. It is permitted at Newport and the country
+and seaside resorts, but a groom always sits on the back seat. In this
+case the woman is frequently the whip.</p>
+
+<p>A man and a woman may drive together in the city in a hansom, although
+this is considered unconventional. Buggy driving is not in vogue in New
+York.</p>
+
+<p><a name="riding" id="riding"></a><i>Riding</i>, since the advent of the wheel, is not as fashionable an
+amusement in cities as formerly.</p>
+
+<p>Riding classes, which meet two evenings during the week, usually in the
+Lenten season, are still very popular. These gatherings take place at a
+riding academy, and a competent riding master is in charge.</p>
+
+<p>When riding with a woman, a man should always be at her right. A woman's
+riding habit falls to the left and she is mounted from the left. In
+assisting her to mount, which, even when a groom is present, is the
+gallant thing to do, a man should grasp the bridle with the left hand
+and hold his right so that she can step into it. The woman puts her left
+foot, therefore, in a man's right hand, and holds to the pommel with her
+right hand. The escort gives his arm a slight spring, and with a
+corresponding action on the part of the fair eques<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span>trienne, she is
+lifted into the saddle. The man faces the near side of the horse, or the
+left. He takes the reins in his right hand and with it grasps the pommel
+of the saddle, shortening the reins until he feels the mouth of the
+horse. He inserts the left foot in the stirrup and springs into the
+saddle.</p>
+
+<p>In speaking of a pommel, I wish it understood that the English saddle is
+used, which has no visible pommel, but that part of it is still called
+by the name in lieu of another term.</p>
+
+<p>A good rider should never mount from a horse block or a fence. The
+English mode of riding is fashionable. The smart pace is a short canter.
+In trotting, a man may rise to the trot. Squaring the elbows is a trifle
+vulgar and obsolete. In meeting acquaintances, a man should bow. A man
+accompanying a lady should always keep pace with her, and never either
+go ahead or let his horse fall behind. A man riding alone should never
+pass or catch up with a woman unattended.</p>
+
+<p>When one rides in New York it is only in the morning. Afternoon riding
+in the Park is not the vogue it was. <a name="dress_riding" id="dress_riding"></a>The New Yorker dislikes to dress up
+in any special costume, so that for years the fashionable afternoon
+riding costume was a black cutaway or morning coat, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span>ordinary trousers
+strapped under the ordinary walking boot, top hat, and gloves, but the
+present riding costume for the morning in New York and the country
+consists of whipcord or corduroy riding breeches and jacket, brown
+leather waistcoat, brown Derby hat, boots or leggings, and dark gloves.
+You can wear this in the afternoon, but the ordinary costume is
+considered smarter and more convenient. Men in New York only ride in the
+Park, and many of them do not belong to riding academies or have
+lockers. A complete change of costume is not convenient, and you never
+see a New York clubman on the streets in riding togs. The evening
+classes always end with a supper and a dance. The woman's habit is
+easily changed, but to appear at night in riding costume or with boots
+in a drawing room is certainly absurd. To wear evening dress on
+horseback, even a Tuxedo coat, is also outlandish, and thus the
+compromise has been effected, and the old black diagonal cutaway brought
+into use.</p>
+
+<p><a name="hounds" id="hounds"></a><i>Riding to hounds</i> requires special knowledge as to the rules and the
+etiquette of the different hunts. These vary. <a name="dress_hounds" id="dress_hounds"></a>The meet is generally at
+some farm or country house, and you are expected to appear in the
+regulation <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span>hunt colors. The orthodox costume is morning coat, white or
+fancy waistcoat, riding breeches, top boots, crop, top hat, and hunting
+scarf. The master of the hounds should wear a red or scarlet frock coat
+and hunting cap. After the hunt there is a breakfast, and several times
+during the year a ball. At the latter festivity, members of the club
+should wear their scarlet evening coats.</p>
+
+<p><a name="coaching" id="coaching"></a><i>Coaching</i> is yet another of the intricate arts. I will give a few
+points to the novice. The place of honor is the box seat and should be
+given to a lady, when ladies are of the party.</p>
+
+<p>If a bachelor is a good whip, a coaching party is an excellent way for
+him to entertain. The start should be from some fashionable locality in
+town, and eight or ten is a large party. It is needless for me to call
+the attention of a whip to the importance of his drag and horses and
+appointments being perfect. During the progress of the coach the guard
+who sits in the rear blows his horn at regular intervals. A bugle or
+cornet is not good form, although I have heard it in small towns.</p>
+
+<p>It may seem elementary, but for the requirements of those who have never
+coached I might as well state that the guests sit on the top and not
+inside the coach. A neat and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span>serviceable team may be made with two
+browns as leaders and a brown and a bay as wheelers. To the novice the
+names of these will indicate their position.</p>
+
+<p>A coaching route should be about ten to fifteen miles. A halt is made at
+a country club, of which the host is a member, or a hotel, where
+luncheon is served. The <i>menu</i> consists of the usual comestibles with
+plenty of champagne. Two hours altogether are allowed for rest, and then
+the start homeward is made. <a name="coaching_dress" id="coaching_dress"></a>The whip should wear driving costume, with
+gray or black high hat. The men guests can be dressed in morning
+costume, tweeds, and Derby hats, unless the occasion is one of
+formality, such as a coaching parade, when one should don afternoon
+dress. The general etiquette of driving applies to coaching.</p>
+
+<p><a name="bicycling" id="bicycling"></a><i>Wheeling</i> is the popular and fashionable amusement at present writing,
+and it bids fair to continue so until quite late in the twentieth
+century. As yet there are no special rules of etiquette for this new
+sport, except that which would govern its dress. Otherwise there are the
+rules of the road&mdash;keeping and turning to the right&mdash;and the extending
+by gentlemen of those civilities which they should never forget to the
+fair sex, and consideration for their fel<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span>low-men. A man should always
+wait for a lady to mount, holding the bicycle. He should ride at her
+left, keeping pace with her, and sufficiently near to be of assistance
+in case of an accident. He should dismount first and help her to do so
+if necessary. <a name="dress_wheeling" id="dress_wheeling"></a>The present fashionable costume for cycling consists of
+tweed knickers and short lounge jacket of same material, brown leather
+or linen waistcoat, colored shirt, with white turn-down collar and club
+tie, golf stockings, and <a name="shoes_russet_3" id="shoes_russet_3"></a>low-quartered tan wheeling shoes. A cap of
+tweed to match the suit completes the rig. At cycling clubs black small
+clothes with dinner jacket may be worn, but as yet it is not the
+prevailing fashion.</p>
+
+<p>In summer very natty wheeling costumes are made of linen or crash.</p>
+
+<p>One word more as to wheeling. Owing to its popularity, many have sought
+to make it vulgar and common. An idea that a man has the privilege of
+addressing any woman on a bicycle is most erroneous. You would not offer
+such an impertinence to an equestrienne, and you must remember that a
+"wheel" is only a metal horse. To catch up with or pass unchaperoned or
+unescorted women wheelers is as much a breach of etiquette as to be
+guilty <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span>of the same vulgarity toward an unaccompanied Amazon.</p>
+
+<p><a name="shooting" id="shooting"></a><i>Shooting</i> deserves a few words, although shooting parties in the
+acceptance of the foreign and British entertainments have as yet but few
+counterparts in this country. Men chase the aniseed bag or an imported
+fox when riding to hounds, and when they take gun in hand it is for the
+purpose of hunting big game, such as one would obtain in the
+Adirondacks, in the Rockies, in the Southern swamp lands, and in the
+wilderness of Canada. In England you may be invited for the shooting.
+The start is in the morning, in a party accompanied by the gamekeepers.
+The birds are flurried, the guns are loaded by your special attendant,
+and you only pause in your work of destruction for luncheon, which is
+served somewhere in the woods or on the moors. You are expected to be at
+the house about four, where, after changing your clothes, you appear in
+the drawing room for tea. You are cautioned in these parties, in order
+to avoid accident, before crossing a hedge, gate, or any other obstacle,
+to remove your cartridges. You are to be unusually careful in the manner
+of holding your gun, and should certainly not flourish it around or
+point it at any living <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span>thing, save that which it is intended to kill.
+Guns used as walking sticks or props to take flying leaps or other
+extraordinary purposes are the assinine diversions of some idiots. In
+England a position is assigned to you. It is etiquette to remain in it,
+shooting in a liberal and sportsmanlike spirit, accepting shots as they
+come. The gamekeepers expect a tip at the end of the visit. <a name="dress_shooting" id="dress_shooting"></a>The correct
+dress is loose jacket, knicker corduroy breeches, stout ribbed
+stockings, and box-cloth leggings. <a name="boots_russet_3" id="boots_russet_3"></a>Heavy russet boots and a cloth
+shooting cap are also worn.</p>
+
+<p><i>Bowls</i> is a favorite game in the country, and during the Lenten season
+in New York, where there are a number of clubs formed for its enjoyment.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dress_bowling_badminton" id="dress_bowling_badminton"></a>Although the sessions are in the evening, the men dress at clubs in
+<i>mufti</i> or <i>neglig&eacute;</i>, the golf or cycling suits being the favorites.
+<a name="bowling" id="bowling"></a>When you are asked to play bowls at a private house, and when there is a
+dance to follow, or when you are asked to a "bowling party," it is
+perhaps better form to wear your dinner jacket or Tuxedo, as there will
+be supper and dancing afterward. The presence of ladies will not deter
+you from wearing on an occasion like this demitoilet or dinner jacket,
+as there is a certain <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span>informality about all athletic sports. <a name="badminton" id="badminton"></a>The same
+may be said of <i>badminton</i>, another favorite Lenten game, played
+somewhat after the manner of tennis. The difference is that instead of
+racquet and ball, battledore and shuttlecock are used.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dress_skating" id="dress_skating"></a>For <i>skating</i>, even at a rink on artificial ice, golf costume or <i>mufti</i>
+is good form.</p>
+
+<p><i>Polo</i> has likewise no code of etiquette not connected with the rules of
+the game. <a name="dress_polo" id="dress_polo"></a>The dress for polo includes buckskin knee breeches, flannel or
+madras shirt with low turn-down collar, top riding boots, and polo cap.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Yachting, Boating, Bathing, Tennis, and Racing.</span></p>
+
+<p><a name="yachting" id="yachting"></a>A yacht in commission is the most expensive and luxurious toy a man can
+have. No one but a millionaire can afford it. True, as in other
+possessions, there are degrees, and consequently there are yachts and
+yachts. Only large schooner or steam yachts, however, are adaptable for
+entertaining. A man's yacht is indeed his castle, and the host has only
+to follow the rules which govern social functions to be perfect in this
+delightful method of entertaining. Yet there are a few little details of
+which it would be prudent to speak. The <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span>proper entertainments for a
+yacht in harbor are luncheons, dinners, dances, and short cruises. None
+of these should be elaborate, the yacht itself&mdash;a thing of joy and
+beauty&mdash;being alone a great attraction.</p>
+
+<p>Your sailors should meet the people invited at the dock in the cutter,
+and row them to the place where your yacht rides at anchor. You should
+be at the gangway ready to receive them. The same order should be
+observed on their leaving.</p>
+
+<p><a name="yachting_club" id="yachting_club"></a>During a club cruise there are several formalities to be observed. You
+are then as if under military or naval orders. The commodore should be
+treated with the same consideration as an admiral. You should not appear
+before him except in the uniform of the club, and you should always
+salute him on passing, and he should have precedence at all
+entertainments.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dress_yachting" id="dress_yachting"></a>Yachting dress for men consists in either blue flannel or serge suit, or
+weather pilot or pea-jacket of rough cloth or "witney," or blue serge or
+flannel coat with naval white duck trousers. The cap, blue or white
+cloth or duck. White flannels are also worn, but they are not so
+appropriate. In the evening, usual formal landsman's costume.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span>There are a few rules of practical yachting which are so intimately
+connected with etiquette that, although it is not exactly in my
+province, I propose to give a summary of them here; they may be useful,
+and may serve my reader a good turn. I take the regulations of the New
+York Yacht Club for my guide. It is without doubt the leading yachting
+organization of this country.</p>
+
+<p><a name="hoisting_colors" id="hoisting_colors"></a>When on a cruise, all yachts belonging to a club should hoist their
+colors at eight o'clock <span class="smcap">A.&nbsp;M.</span> and haul them down at sunset, taking time
+from the senior officer present in port, if there should be one. Between
+sunset and colors they should carry a night pennant. Guns should only be
+fired on setting or hauling down the colors, except by the yacht giving
+the time, nor between sunset and colors, nor on Sunday, and the rules of
+many yacht clubs insist on these formalities being observed whether a
+yacht is on a cruise or not.</p>
+
+<p>The senior officer in port should be in command, and should make colors
+and sunset and return salutes and visits, etc. His yacht should remain
+the station vessel until a senior to him in rank arrives, when such
+senior should assume the duties of the anchorage.</p>
+
+<p>Flag officers should display their pennants <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span>while in commission, except
+when absent for more than forty-eight hours. In this case their private
+signal should be hoisted. A blue rectangular flag at the starboard
+spreader should be displayed when the owner is not on board.</p>
+
+<p>All salutes should be returned in kind. Yachts of all clubs should
+always salute vessels of the United States Navy. Yachts passing at sea
+should salute each other, juniors saluting first. This is done by
+dipping the ensign three times or by firing a gun, followed by dipping
+the ensign. Arriving in harbor after sunset or on Sunday the salute
+should be made the first thing next morning.</p>
+
+<p>When a squadron or a cruising expedition enters a port or anchorage and
+finds there a foreign yacht, the senior officer of the squadron or
+cruise should send its owner a tender of the civilities of the club. All
+vessels are considered foreign not belonging to the interstate squadron,
+or to a club not included in the association of yachts to which your
+vessel and you belong.</p>
+
+<p>Of course I have only skimmed through the sailing and saluting
+regulations. You are supposed to have a book of your club, which will
+give them to you, and you are bound to follow the rules laid down
+therein.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span><a name="dress_yachting_2" id="dress_yachting_2"></a>As a rule, the commodore of a yacht club wears on his cap an anchor one
+inch and a half in diameter, placed horizontally, embroidered in gold,
+with a silver star of half an inch diameter at each end of and above the
+anchor. A vice commodore wears only a single star; captains two crossed
+foul anchors. The dress uniform of most yacht clubs is a plain blue or
+black dress coat, a white dress waistcoat, each with the club button in
+gilt; blue or white trousers with cravat black or white. The undress
+consists of a double-breasted sack coat of blue cloth, serge, or
+flannel, blue or white waistcoat, each with the black club button;
+trousers of same material, or of white drill. The commodore has five
+black silk stripes on his cuff, the vice commodore four, the rear
+commodore three, the captain and other officers two, and the members
+one.</p>
+
+<p>Your crew should wear shirts of blue flannel or white linen with wide
+blue cuffs and collars, stitched with blue or white thread.
+Handkerchiefs should be of black silk, caps of blue cloth without visor;
+straw hats with black ribbon can be used for summer. The name of the
+yacht must be worked on the breast of the shirt, or printed upon the
+band of the cap or the ribbon of the hat. The trousers should be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span>of
+blue flannel or white linen duck. No braces are worn.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center"><span class="smcap"><a name="golf" id="golf"></a>Golf.</span></p>
+
+<p>The etiquette of golf is incorporated, more or less, with the
+technicalities of the rules governing the game. I do not intend to go
+into these, but to give a few hints to the novice, to prevent him, if
+possible, committing solecisms.</p>
+
+<p>Golf has a vocabulary of its own. The "grounds" on which the game is
+played is a stretch of rather rough country, abounding in hills,
+hillocks, and sandy downs, and is known by no other name but the
+"links."</p>
+
+<p>The game is usually played by two persons, but it can be by more. It
+consists in driving a ball, small and black, or painted red for the
+winter snows, along a route laid out by a series of holes to a goal,
+with a selection of clubs with metal ends. A small boy carries these
+clubs around for the players. He is called the "caddie."</p>
+
+<p>The clubs have various names and various uses. They are for propelling
+or driving the ball, according to the rules of the game. They are the
+driver, long spoon, short spoon, putter, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span>iron putter, cleek, iron,
+niblick, brassey, lofting iron, and mashie.</p>
+
+<p>A "tee" is a small mound of sand or earth upon which the ball rests. As
+before explained, the ball is propelled or driven from the tee into one
+of the holes. The term "putting" is applied to the locality in which
+this operation of driving the ball into the hole takes place.</p>
+
+<p>The etiquette of the spectator is embraced in the common-sense essential
+of being an onlooker and nothing more. Silence is golden. Advice and
+comment, should you profess to know anything about the game, are brazen.
+Be considerate; do not interfere with the comfort of the players. As at
+billiards, the stroke should be made in utter silence. The golf "links"
+is not a place for criticism, and if you are allowed to follow the
+players around, you must control your feelings alike when enthusiastic
+or when contemptuous. Besides being a breach of good manners, remember
+that golf is more or less an outdoor game of whist.</p>
+
+<p><a name="cheating" id="cheating"></a>Golf is the easiest game at which to cheat, but as it is a sport in the
+<i>repertoire</i> of a gentleman, it would seem almost an insult to hint at
+such a contingency. However, apart from the moral effect of cheating at
+any game, if a man <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span>is dead to all sense of honor, he should be alive to
+the fear of being found out. Such discovery means social ostracism.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dress_golf" id="dress_golf"></a>The proper golf costume is based on common sense. The man who rigs
+himself up for this or any other sport in what he considers the most
+approved style is either a very bad player or a novice. The
+championships have been won by men wearing their ordinary street
+costumes or business lounge suits. The English and Scotch golf dress,
+however, is sack coat, knickers without leather extensions, and a plain
+tweed shooting cap. The shirt is white madras, soft, unstarched bosom,
+with a golf stock or Ascot. <a name="russet_4" id="russet_4"></a>Golf shoes or boots are of heavy russet or
+black leather. The hose has a long ribbed top, which is turned over,
+forming a sort of heavy band on the calf of the leg. It is made of heavy
+worsted, plain or ribbed. This costume will do for winter in the English
+climate, when you can not employ too heavy tweeds in the north and west.
+The American costume, however, is made of lighter tweeds for the spring
+and autumn, and of brown linen or holland for the summer. As yet, except
+in one or two localities, golf is not generally played in winter, except
+by enthusiasts.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span>At a match, golfers wear their club uniform coats, which are made of
+hunting pink with brass buttons. <a name="evening_dress_4" id="evening_dress_4"></a>The club dress uniform is full and
+proper dress for all golf functions, such as dinners and dances and
+receptions. For golf club evening functions, black silk or lisle thread
+stockings and pumps and black knickers would be appropriate dress. This
+will be regulated by the rules of the club.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Boating and Bathing, Tennis and Racing.</span></p>
+
+<p><a name="dress_boating" id="dress_boating"></a>But a word, and this on costume. The proper dress in England, where
+boating is a social amusement, is the blazer madras shirt with white
+linen all-around collars and madras cuffs, same material as shirt, white
+duck trousers, and straw hat with colored ribbons.</p>
+
+<p><a name="bathing" id="bathing"></a>For bathing, the present ocean costume is all plain, one dark-color
+two-piece suits, short trousers coming to the knees, and jersey with
+very short sleeves.</p>
+
+<p><a name="tennis" id="tennis"></a>For tennis, which I have omitted in the category of sports, as there is
+no peculiar etiquette attached, you should wear white duck trousers, a
+white madras shirt, white flannel coat, plain or finely striped, and
+straw hat or <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span>flannel cap to match coat. The straw hat was in vogue last
+summer.</p>
+
+<p>In England many men wear gray vicu&ntilde;a frock coats to the races. About
+this costume, however, in America, where races are but seldom social
+functions, you must be guided by the season, circumstances, and place.
+Of course, a top hat must be worn with any species of frock coat, but
+the gray top hat has gone out of fashion.</p>
+
+<p><i>Gymkhana</i> races are burlesque affairs imported from India. The
+participants are dressed in grotesque fancy costumes, and are obliged to
+race holding umbrellas, toy balloons, or some other absurdity. They are
+in great favor at summer watering places.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center"><a name="billiards" id="billiards"></a><span class="smcap">Billiards.</span></p>
+
+<p>The etiquette of this popular pastime is possibly embraced in the
+general maxim of "the extending of the utmost consideration for others."</p>
+
+<p>Billiards constitutes quite an important factor in club life, and should
+have been included in the chapter on that subject but for the fact that
+so many private houses have billiard rooms, and the game is bet<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span>ter
+classified with the different sports of a bachelor.</p>
+
+<p>At the club it is allowable to play the game <i>sans</i> one's coat, or in
+shirt sleeves. The billiard room is a place where one can be
+unconventional. Order, however, in a match game especially, should be
+strictly maintained. The severe English rule at clubs, under such
+circumstances, requires the man who has played his stroke "to retire to
+a reasonable distance, and keep out of the line of sight" (<i>vide</i> the
+Badminton treatise on the game). Orders for drinks to the waiter, loud
+talking, criticism of the play, lighting pipes and cigars&mdash;the latter
+being only generally allowed in New York club billiard rooms&mdash;are all
+offenses against etiquette.</p>
+
+<p>In private houses it is certainly a breach of good manners to bolt into
+a billiard room while a game is in progress, except between the strokes,
+and this period can be easily ascertained by listening at the door. The
+ideal game is conducted with strict observance of the etiquette of the
+room. It is, according to the same Badminton authority, a game during
+the progress of which neither player smokes nor interrupts the other,
+and spectators are generally courteous, silent, and impartial. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span>In a
+private house where ladies are apt to be present and to be players,
+shirt sleeves are certainly not tolerated. The dinner coat is useful on
+these occasions. Smoking is permissible if the hostess consents.</p>
+
+<p><a name="cards_playing" id="cards_playing"></a>The etiquette of cards calls for but a word. Whist means silence. No
+gentleman quarrels with a billiard marker or a golf caddie; still less
+should he dispute a point at cards. Better lose, especially when women
+are present, than enter a controversy.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2>
+
+<h3>A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD.</h3>
+
+
+<p>To seem entirely at one's ease is the best maxim I can give for
+traveling. You can not actually pretend to experience that which may be
+totally lacking, but by making yourself comfortable you will increase
+the pleasure of others. There is, in these days of luxurious traveling,
+but little occasion to be flurried, and no excuse whatever for not being
+as well dressed as you are calm and self-possessed. <a name="dress_traveling" id="dress_traveling"></a>Dress means a great
+deal, and if you have not a servant with you it will simply require a
+little care at the commencement to insure your entire freedom from all
+annoyance.</p>
+
+<p><a name="traveling_america" id="traveling_america"></a><a name="trunks_traveling" id="trunks_traveling"></a><a name="trunks_packing" id="trunks_packing"></a>As I have already observed in a previous chapter, in a long journey it
+would be better to take more than one trunk, but even if you have but
+the one you should carry also a bag with your toilet articles. A
+dressing bag is most requisite, and if you can not afford this <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span>you
+could have an ordinary bag, or even a "dress suit" case, fitted up with
+the necessary appliances of the toilet. These, it is almost absurd to
+state, consist of your razors, tooth and nail brushes, combs and
+hairbrushes, individual soap, and a few small vials of very useful
+physic, such as Jamaica ginger, Pond's extract, liver pills, cologne,
+<a name="brandy" id="brandy"></a>and, if you do not carry it in your pocket, a brandy flask. There are
+times when this is absolutely necessary. <a name="dress_shipboard" id="dress_shipboard"></a>In my dressing bag, if
+possible, I would take my pyjamas, so as to be perfectly equipped for
+the night, in case, at the end of my journey, I could not get at my
+trunk. <a name="shawl_straps" id="shawl_straps"></a>Overcoats, waterproof coat, umbrellas, walking sticks, etc.,
+should be carried in a shawl strap, where you could also have a novel or
+so, or a budget of interesting newspapers or magazines. For short
+railway or steamer journeys, the best dress is the ordinary lounge or
+morning sack suit, with a soft felt or Hombourg hat. Gloves are
+necessary. Tan or gray suede is the most correct. In winter an ulster
+should be worn. <a name="ship" id="ship"></a>Select for sea or for ocean voyages the warmest lounge
+suit you have, or, if you feel more disposed, a warm tweed knickerbocker
+suit, such as you wear for golf. I think it is a good principle to put
+on your old clothes at sea. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span>Only very vulgar people dress for this
+occasion. <a name="dinner_5" id="dinner_5"></a>For late dinner on the ship I would have a black cutaway coat
+and a light tie. I believe men must change their clothes before dinner
+at all places and under all circumstances. <a name="shoes_russet_5" id="shoes_russet_5"></a>Russet shoes are worn.</p>
+
+<p>Do not hurry. Have your tickets purchased in time, and arrive at a train
+so that you will have fully five minutes in which to check your luggage.</p>
+
+<p>On an ocean voyage, if the ship is going to leave at an early hour in
+the morning, go on board the night before. Farewell suppers are like
+greetings in tugboats and other vulgar celebrations, the meed of the
+second-class politician. Arrange with your banker for letters of credit,
+and take with you just sufficient small change to carry you comfortably
+and pay your little expenses, with one note of a larger denomination in
+case of accident. Do not get your money changed on the ship. It is
+effected at a very high rate of discount. Thus on English ships&mdash;the
+Cunard, White Star, Anchor, and Allan lines&mdash;English currency is used.
+The Hamburg and the North German Lloyd employ German, and the
+Transatlantique, French. Your steamer trunk and your bag and shawl strap
+should be placed in the cabin <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span>with you. Steamer chairs, in these days,
+can be hired. Do not carry one around with you. It is a nuisance. <a name="fees" id="fees"></a>On the
+ocean steamers the steward will attend to your little wants, and prepare
+your bath for you in the morning, for which there is a fee, I think, of
+twenty-five cents a day. It is customary on leaving a ship to give
+gratuities to servants. To the cabin steward on English ships, ten
+shillings, the head steward ten shillings, and your waiter ten
+shillings. On others, for a six days' voyage, a fee equal to two dollars
+should be given to your waiter and your cabin steward and to the head
+steward. <a name="foreign_etiquette" id="foreign_etiquette"></a>Servants abroad are feed on a regular tariff, which you will
+find in the guidebooks. In this country the drawing-car fiend expects
+twenty-five cents for a day's journey; fifty cents to a dollar for
+longer and more extended service. At American hotels the waiters are
+tipped when you leave, and a small gratuity given to chambermaids.</p>
+
+<p>Courtesy, especially to women, is the one thing expected from every
+gentleman who travels, and if you can assist any one in distress by
+advice or by help of any kind do so, particularly if it is an
+unprotected woman. But be very guarded in making new acquaintances. Such
+as are picked up on the steamer, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span>for instance, can be dropped as soon
+as you land. Beware of the cardroom and the poker sharps who travel on
+the great liners. Make it a rule, if you will play for money, never to
+do so with strangers.</p>
+
+<p>When traveling with a lady, always carry her bag and assist her in and
+out of the trains. Your behavior is on its mettle under these
+circumstances, and traveling is very apt to be like a mustard plaster,
+bringing out both the good and evil attributes of a man.</p>
+
+<p><a name="traveling_abroad" id="traveling_abroad"></a><a name="foreign_etiquette_2" id="foreign_etiquette_2"></a>The subject of foreign travel also needs a few words as well as a bit of
+general advice. <a name="london" id="london"></a>English customs and our own are so much alike that it
+would be strange, indeed, if an American could not get along in the land
+where his own tongue is spoken. <a name="evening_dress_5" id="evening_dress_5"></a>One of the first difficulties which once
+beset traveling Americans in London was the regulation in theaters that
+the audience, or that part of it occupying the best stalls, should be in
+evening dress. As evening dress is now also the rule in New York, this
+quandary is a thing of the past. <a name="programme_london" id="programme_london"></a>Programmes at many of the English
+theaters are now free, where some years ago it was customary to sell
+bills of the play for sixpence.</p>
+
+<p><a name="london_fees" id="london_fees"></a>The feeing of servants at hotels, however, continues, and we yet have
+the charge on <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span>hotel bills for service. You are expected to give
+something to the hall porter, to your waiter, to the boots, and to the
+chambermaid. The amount of these fees differs according to the length of
+your stay. I should say a half crown to the porter and less sums to the
+others.</p>
+
+<p><a name="cabs" id="cabs"></a>In London a shilling a mile is the accepted price for cabs within a
+certain metropolitan radius called the "circle." <a name="tips_3" id="tips_3"></a>"Thrupence" or sixpence
+extra is the tip "to drink your health."</p>
+
+<p>Afternoon dress is the correct attire for the park after midday, and
+cabs and hansoms are not seen on the Row during riding and driving
+hours.</p>
+
+<p><a name="paris_strangers" id="paris_strangers"></a><a name="paris_cabs" id="paris_cabs"></a>In Paris you may wear a blue blouse and make the turn of the Bois in a
+<i>fiacre</i>. The tariff there is two francs an hour, or two francs fifty
+per course, from one place to another. The <i>pourboire</i> is fifty
+centimes.</p>
+
+<p>In France the <i>pourboire</i> is a veritable tax, as it is in Italy and in
+the Latin countries. In Germany the mark is equal to about twenty-five
+cents of our money, and it will go a long way. Ten marks will fee a
+houseful of servants.</p>
+
+<p><a name="tips_4" id="tips_4"></a>At the station in Paris fifty centimes is given <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span>to the porter. The
+"commissionnaire" at the hotel expects fifty centimes. <a name="pourboires" id="pourboires"></a>Waiters'
+<i>pourboires</i> are eighty-five centimes at breakfast, and at dinner a
+franc. In a <i>caf&eacute;</i> they are twenty-five centimes.</p>
+
+<p><a name="theaters_foreign" id="theaters_foreign"></a>The woman at the theater who puts a footstool under your feet expects
+one franc, and at many of the playhouses she must be feed for a reserved
+seat.</p>
+
+<p>In Paris the orchestra stalls are occupied only by men. <a name="dress_theater" id="dress_theater"></a>At the opera
+during the season evening dress in the boxes and stalls is, of course,
+<i>de rigueur</i>. <a name="evening_dress_6" id="evening_dress_6"></a>At the Com&eacute;die Fran&ccedil;aise on Tuesdays and at the Od&eacute;on on
+Thursdays you must be in evening dress in order to gain admittance.</p>
+
+<p><a name="church_foreign" id="church_foreign"></a>Chairs are sold in Paris at the Catholic churches, and in both the
+London and Paris parks seats can be hired for a few pennies or sous.</p>
+
+<p><a name="omnibus" id="omnibus"></a>In Paris omnibuses only the seating capacity is allowed. When the
+omnibus is full, a sign, "<i>Complet</i>," is fastened on the outside.</p>
+
+<p><a name="customhouse" id="customhouse"></a>At the gates of each small town in France the <i>octroi</i>, or impost,
+levies on articles of food brought in, and the customhouse in England
+seizes all American reprints of English books. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span>There, as well as in
+France, spirits and tobacco are dutiable.</p>
+
+<p>It is only civil to bow when passing the Prince of Wales or members of
+the royal family. In Paris every hat is removed when a hearse passes, as
+also in Italy. In Germany the hat is removed when the emperor passes.</p>
+
+<p>Passports are necessary for Russian and Eastern travel.</p>
+
+<p><a name="evening_dress_7" id="evening_dress_7"></a>All large functions on the Continent, no matter what time of the day
+they occur, demand evening dress. In Paris the bridegroom at a wedding
+in the afternoon wears evening dress, as well as the chief male mourner
+at a funeral, but the others present do not. This does not apply to
+groomsmen and honorary pallbearers, who are in evening dress. In
+Germany, Austria, and Italy, wherever royalty appears, evening dress is
+necessary. <a name="pope" id="pope"></a>At the audiences granted by the Pope all men must be in
+evening dress, and the women in dark gowns and veils.</p>
+
+<p><a name="nobility" id="nobility"></a>The Queen of England, the Princess of Wales, and all other female
+members of the royal family are addressed as "Ma'am"; the Prince of
+Wales and the male members as "Sir," and never, except by tradesmen, as
+"Your Royal Highness."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span>The English dukes are addressed simply as "Duke" and not as "Your
+Grace"; a marquis is "Lord" and a marchioness "Lady." Younger sons of
+dukes should be spoken of as lord. <a name="french_titles" id="french_titles"></a>A French duke and duchess are
+addressed as "Monsieur" and "Madame." <a name="von" id="von"></a>In Germany one drops the Von when
+addressing a nobleman who has that title, but when you write to him you
+must give him his full credentials.</p>
+
+<p><a name="clergy_2" id="clergy_2"></a>A foreign bishop is always addressed as "My Lord" and a cardinal as
+"Your Eminence."</p>
+
+<p>The etiquette at a house where the Prince of Wales or a member of the
+royal family in England visits is rigorous, and on the Continent, when
+royalty is present, it is even more severe. The prince is never
+addressed unless he speaks to you. He alone has the privilege of
+changing the subject of conversation, and all plans for the day's
+recreation are submitted to him.</p>
+
+<p>These observations are, of course, very general, but the average
+American to-day is at home in Europe. He should only remember the old
+adage to do in Rome as the Romans do, and he will not be much
+embarrassed by foreign customs and habits.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE ENGAGED BACHELOR.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="engagements" id="engagements"></a>The etiquette of engagements is simple. There are no rules as to how a
+man should ask a woman to be his wife.</p>
+
+<p><a name="announcement_engagement" id="announcement_engagement"></a>A man is not at liberty to announce his engagement until his <i>fianc&eacute;e</i>
+gives him permission to do so. It is her family who have the right to
+know first of the existence of an engagement. Very few engagements are
+entered into so hurriedly as not to be anticipated in a way by the
+members of the young woman's household. However, the first step to be
+taken is the announcement by the <i>fianc&eacute;e</i> to her mother, her father, or
+her proper guardian of the existing circumstances. Sometimes this is
+done in a most informal way by both parties. The day after the
+engagement has thus been announced it is good form for the man to have a
+private talk with the young woman's parents or guardian. In America we
+are supposed to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span>be above the discussion of marriage settlements. A man
+should never ask a woman to marry him unless he has the wherewithal to
+support her in the manner in which she has been accustomed to live. An
+inquiry into the state of the proposed son-in-law's finances is
+perfectly proper and should not be taken amiss. Engagements are
+announced to other members of the family than those of the household by
+informal notes when it is decided it should be made public. Relatives
+and intimate friends should be apprised of it before one's general
+acquaintances. In these days of "society news" the general announcement
+is frequently made through the medium of the newspapers. It can also be
+made verbally.</p>
+
+<p>During the engagement it is expected that a man's relatives and friends
+should pay the prospective bride as much attention as possible. They
+should call on her and felicitate her as soon as they have been informed
+of the affair. A pretty compliment for a male member of the man's family
+or one of his intimates is to send flowers to the new <i>fianc&eacute;e</i>.
+Engagements should never be announced unless the wedding day is fixed
+approximately. Avoid long engagements.</p>
+
+<p><a name="engagement_ring" id="engagement_ring"></a>The engagement ring is a solitaire diamond, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span>but one with two smaller
+diamonds is appropriate. This will depend upon the income of the swain.
+Rings with colored stones, however, are not in vogue for engagements.</p>
+
+<p><a name="engagements_2" id="engagements_2"></a>During the engagement the betrothed couple should be seen as much as
+possible in each other's society. Neither should appear at large
+entertainments to which the other has not been asked. Little attentions
+are expected. <a name="engagement_presents" id="engagement_presents"></a>A man should send from time to time, according to the
+state of his finances, flowers, sweets, or other tokens. A sensible girl
+will not approve of costly gifts if you can not afford them. A very
+acceptable token would be a bunch of violets or American beauty roses
+sent from a fashionable florist.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING.</h3>
+
+
+<p><a name="wedding" id="wedding"></a>When a bachelor marries the arrangement of the details of the ceremony
+and reception are left to the bride's family, and there is really very
+little about which to instruct him. Many men wish to know how these
+matters should be conducted, and a short review is here given under the
+penalty of its being not within the scope of the Complete Bachelor.</p>
+
+<p>Weddings in society are celebrated either at church or at the home of
+the bride. The church wedding is the most popular, and in large cities
+the most fashionable, as it admits of the presence of a large number of
+people and lends much solemnity to the occasion.</p>
+
+<p><a name="wedding_fashionable" id="wedding_fashionable"></a>The fashionable hour for a wedding is from high noon&mdash;midday&mdash;until five
+o'clock. Evening weddings have within the past five years not been as
+much in vogue as formerly.</p>
+
+<p><a name="wedding_invitation" id="wedding_invitation"></a>The invitations are issued within a fortnight <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span>of the ceremony. The
+formula is an announcement engraved on a sheet of heavy cream paper
+folded in two. It is issued in the name of the bride's parents or
+guardian, and it requests the pleasure of the guest's presence at the
+marriage of their daughter or ward at such a church or such a number, at
+such an hour of the day, month, and year. <a name="cards_wedding" id="cards_wedding"></a>A separate card, inclosed,
+with the announcement and invitation to the church, states the hours of
+the reception. The invitations are very simple, engraved in plain
+English script, and the paper and cards are of a standard quality known
+to stationers for this purpose. The inner one is addressed only with the
+name of the person invited, the outer one has this and the street, the
+street number, and full directions for mailing. Gilt-edged or fancy
+stationery is vulgar.</p>
+
+<p>I herewith append some examples. The English invariably insist on the
+R.&nbsp;S.&nbsp;V.&nbsp;P., or "answer if you please," on even church invitations. This
+is not the regular New York custom.</p>
+
+<p>The reason for this is that in England those asked to the church are
+always expected also at the reception. Only the bridal party sit down to
+an elaborate breakfast, the other guests being given the very lightest
+of refreshments.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span>American form:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p class="center"><i>Mr. and Mrs. &mdash;&mdash;<br />
+request your presence<br />
+at the marriage of their daughter<br />
+Katherine<br />
+to<br />
+Mr. &mdash;&mdash;,<br />
+Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,<br />
+at twelve o'clock.<br />
+Grace Church,<br />
+Broadway and Tenth Street.</i></p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p>Also:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p class="center"><i>Mr. and Mrs. &mdash;&mdash;<br />
+request the honor of your presence<br />
+at the marriage of their daughter<br />
+Annie<br />
+to<br />
+Mr. &mdash;&mdash;<br />
+on</i> (etc.).</p>
+
+<p class="center"><i>Mr. and Mrs. &mdash;&mdash;<br />
+request your presence<br />
+at the marriage of their daughter<br />
+Myra Raymond<br />
+to<br />
+Mr. &mdash;&mdash;,<br />
+Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,<br />
+at twelve o'clock.<br />
+Grace Church,<br />
+Broadway and Tenth Street.</i></p>
+
+<p class="center"><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span><i>Mr. and Mrs. &mdash;&mdash;<br />
+request the honor of your presence<br />
+at the marriage of their daughter<br />
+Annie<br />
+to<br />
+Mr. &mdash;&mdash;<br />
+on Tuesday morning, November twenty-seventh,<br />
+at half past eleven o'clock.<br />
+St. Leo's Church,<br />
+East Twenty-eighth Street.<br />
+&mdash;&mdash;<br />
+Please present this card at<br />
+St. Leo's Church,<br />
+November twenty-seventh.</i></p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p>English form:</p>
+
+<blockquote>
+<p class="center"><i>Mr. and Mrs. &mdash;&mdash;<br />
+request the pleasure of<br />
+Lord and Lady &mdash;&mdash;'s<br />
+company at<br />
+St. Peter's, Eaton Square,<br />
+on Saturday, November 4th, at two o'clock,<br />
+on the occasion of the marriage of their daughter<br />
+Margaret and &mdash;&mdash; &mdash;&mdash;,<br />
+and afterward at 1 Grosvenor Square.<br />
+<span style="padding-right: 6em;">R.&nbsp;S.&nbsp;V.&nbsp;P.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&mdash;&mdash;</span><br />
+Admit bearer<br />
+to<br />
+St. Peter's Church, Eaton Square,<br />
+on November 4th, 1895, at two o'clock.</i></p>
+</blockquote>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span><a name="weddings_second" id="weddings_second"></a>If the bride whom a bachelor is marrying is a widow and lives in her own
+house, the invitations to the church and the reception, or to either or
+both, would read simply, "The pleasure of your company is requested at
+the wedding," etc., with a separate card bearing the word reception and
+stating the hour and address.</p>
+
+<p><a name="marriage_announcements" id="marriage_announcements"></a>Should there be no guests at the wedding, and should it be conducted
+very quietly or privately, it is necessary that announcement cards be
+sent out after the event has taken place. These are issued in the name
+of the bride's parent, parents, or guardian, who simply announce "the
+marriage of their daughter [or ward] Elizabeth to Mr. Henry Smith
+Walcott, Thursday, June the twentieth, eighteen hundred and ninety-six."
+In the left-hand corner is placed the address of those sending out the
+cards. A card is also inclosed with the names of the newly married
+couple, their address, and their reception day. Should there be neither
+parents nor guardians, the parties to the contract can announce it
+themselves with one card thus: "Mr. William Benham Thorne and Miss
+Eleanore Taylor, married on Thursday, November the seventh, eighteen
+hundred and &mdash;&mdash;, New York." Another card can also be in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span>closed, on
+which is the new address of the married couple, as well as their day at
+home. If it is a church wedding, and there are neither guardians nor
+parents, you can use the form, "You are invited to be present at the
+wedding of &mdash;&mdash;," etc.</p>
+
+<p>A too rigid economy should not be observed in the sending of wedding
+invitations, and the prospective bridegroom should see that this is
+carried out. In case there are several members of a family, it is good
+form to inclose an invitation to each; thus, Mr. and Mrs. Algernon
+Smith, the Misses Smith, and Messrs. Smith making three smaller
+envelopes inclosed in the larger one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Algernon
+Smith.</p>
+
+<p>As I have advised in the chapter on Cards, your pasteboard should be
+left at the house of those in whose name the invitations are issued,
+even if you are asked only to the church. If to the reception, you owe
+two visits of "digestion"&mdash;one to the bride's parents and one to the
+happy pair.</p>
+
+<p><a name="wedding_expenses" id="wedding_expenses"></a>All the expenses pertaining to a wedding are borne by the bride's
+parents. <a name="bridegroom_expenses" id="bridegroom_expenses"></a>The bridegroom, however, pays the clergyman's fee and provides
+his own carriage, cab, or hansom from his rooms to the church. This<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span>
+vehicle is also sent to the house of the best man.</p>
+
+<p>All expenses after the marriage are, of course, defrayed by the
+bridegroom. It has been strict etiquette for the bride and bridegroom
+not to use the family carriage, which usually takes them from the
+church, to fetch them to the railroad station, but one provided by the
+bridegroom. It is frequently a matter of courtesy for the bride's
+parents to offer this for the occasion.</p>
+
+<p><a name="bridegroom" id="bridegroom"></a><i>The bridegroom</i> should, as soon as the wedding day is appointed, choose
+his best man and his ushers. The vogue is to ask his nearest unmarried
+male relative or his most intimate bachelor friend to serve in the
+capacity of best man. More recently a number of very fashionable New
+Yorkers have had married men take that position, and thus the innovation
+has sanction through the action of the "smart set." A married best man
+is said to be an English fad, but I find that it could be more correctly
+termed an Anglo-Indian mode, as this new idea is much more popular in
+Calcutta and Bombay than in London.</p>
+
+<p>In the selection of ushers, a man asks usually some few of his intimates
+or club friends, and through courtesy to his prospective bride <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span>a male
+member of her family, frequently her brother. Six ushers are the usual
+number, although four are quite sufficient. Some few men have been known
+to dispense with the services of the best man and have only ushers, but
+this is not exactly correct at a fashionable church wedding. The ushers
+can be very easily omitted if the ceremony is to take place at the
+house.</p>
+
+<p><a name="bridegroom_presents" id="bridegroom_presents"></a><i>The bridegroom</i> presents his best man and his ushers with their ties,
+their gloves, and tie pin, which is a souvenir of the occasion, as well
+as their <i>boutonni&egrave;res</i>, or "buttonholes," to accept the last English
+expression, to be worn at the ceremony.</p>
+
+<p><a name="ties_6" id="ties_6"></a>The tie, gloves, and tie pin are given to the best man and the ushers at
+the farewell bachelor dinner; the <i>boutonni&egrave;res</i> are ordered at the
+florist's and sent to them on the morning of the wedding. Lilies of the
+valley are the favorite wedding flowers, but the floral arrangements are
+regulated by the bride's family, who possibly have a certain color or
+flower scheme for the church decorations, and the "buttonholes" must be
+in keeping.</p>
+
+<p><i>The bridegroom</i> generally provides hansoms or <i>coup&eacute;s</i> to drive his
+ushers to the church from their respective residences. As the bride's
+fam<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span>ily provides the carriages for the <i>cort&egrave;ge</i>, these other vehicles
+may be dismissed at the church.</p>
+
+<p><i>The bridegroom</i> himself drives to the church in a hansom with his best
+man.</p>
+
+<p>If it is a house wedding these carriages need not be provided. In this
+country the <i>bridegroom</i> does not give the bridesmaids any token or
+present. In England he presents them with brooches or bracelets. In New
+York the bride presents her maid of honor and bridesmaids with souvenirs
+in the shape of lace pins, brooches, or bracelets.</p>
+
+<p><i>The bridegroom</i> always gives to his bride a handsome wedding present,
+which is to be worn or carried on the happy day. It may be a diamond
+tiara, it may be a diamond star, it may be jewels of any kind which he
+can ascertain would be acceptable to her, or it may be a prayer book.
+<i>The bridegroom</i> does not provide any part of the bride's costume.</p>
+
+<p>If the bride should carry flowers instead of a prayer book, this special
+bouquet is the gift of the bridegroom, but the flowers for the
+bridesmaids are provided by the bride.</p>
+
+<p><a name="best_man_etiquette" id="best_man_etiquette"></a>The expenses of the wedding notices in the newspapers and the fee to the
+clergyman are paid by the bridegroom through the agency of the best
+man.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span>The wedding ring is of bright burnished gold, perfectly plain. The date
+of the wedding and the initials of the happy pair should be engraved on
+the inside. The ring is confided to the best man, who produces it at the
+proper time during the ceremony.</p>
+
+<p>It is customary for a prospective bridegroom to purchase or, rather, to
+have a wedding outfit made. Very elaborate affairs of this kind are not
+in good taste, and anything which suggests the occasion is certainly
+vulgar. Beyond the clothes for the ceremony, there should be a general
+overhauling of the wardrobe and shirts, undervests, underclothes,
+handkerchiefs, and such articles must, if any of them are needed or have
+fallen into decay, be supplied or renewed. All this is a matter of
+taste.</p>
+
+<p><a name="farewell_dinner" id="farewell_dinner"></a><i>The bachelor farewell dinner</i> is now a recognized institution. Perhaps
+next to the ceremony itself, it is regarded as the most important social
+function of the wedding week.</p>
+
+<p>If you are a member of a club, your farewell dinner should be given
+there in one of the private dining rooms. Otherwise it is perfectly
+correct to have it at a well-known restaurant or hotel, in, of course, a
+private dining room. You may have it at your own house, and, should your
+parents be living and you reside with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span>them, it can be given at home.
+The club, however, is really first choice. Sometimes the strictly
+bachelor dinner is dispensed with, and in its stead a dinner is given to
+the entire bridal party by the family of the bride. This does away with
+the presumed selfishness of the "stag" dinner, and the possible excuse
+for some one or more of the guests to become exhilarated&mdash;a <i>finale</i>, I
+am grieved to say, that has happened on more than one occasion.</p>
+
+<p>At the stag dinner you should have your best man, your ushers, and
+several of your friends. You can invite a married man or so, especially
+if he is a very jolly fellow, and it is expected that some one or more
+of your bride's relatives will be included. Twelve is a good number,
+but, of course, never thirteen, because women are generally
+superstitious, and should this become known to your future one it might
+cause her great mental anxiety.</p>
+
+<p><a name="ties_7" id="ties_7"></a>The gloves, ties, and tie or scarf pins to be given to the best man and
+ushers are placed in white boxes tied with white satin ribbon and put in
+the outer room to be handed to each man as he bids adieu. Perhaps it
+might be more prudent to place them at the covers, but it would hardly
+be good form, as there would be in that case several of the guests
+without favors. And, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span>besides, a dinner with favors is not permissible
+in these days.</p>
+
+<p><i>Boutonni&egrave;res</i> of lilies of the valley should be also placed at each
+cover. <a name="menus_6" id="menus_6"></a>The <i>menu</i> cards should be simple but tasteful. Elaborate <i>menus</i>
+are not now in the best form. In fact, with a bachelor dinner, as with
+all functions of this kind, elegant simplicity should be the
+predominating characteristic; cut glass and silver are all that is
+required. In the center of the table a basket, or, better, a silver
+<i>jardini&egrave;re</i> of roses, is the only floral decoration. During the course
+of the dinner these flowers are removed and are sent to the bride-elect.
+It is sometimes the custom&mdash;and a very pretty one&mdash;for each guest to
+note a sentiment on a <i>menu</i> card or simply his own name, and have that
+sent also with the flowers.</p>
+
+<p>The dinner itself can, but need not be very elaborate. I do not like a
+dinner of many courses. It is usual to serve sherry and whisky and
+caviare sandwiches in the anteroom before dinner, and also to have
+cigars and cigarettes galore there as well as at table, although it is
+not permissible to smoke before the cheese is served. I would recommend
+raw oysters, a clear soup, a bit of fish with sliced cucumber&mdash;an
+attractive <i>entr&eacute;e</i>; a <i>fillet</i> with vegetables, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span>canvas-back duck,
+cheese and salad, coffee, and fruit.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center"><span class="smcap">The Ceremony.</span></p>
+
+<p><a name="wedding_ceremony" id="wedding_ceremony"></a><a name="best_man_etiquette_2" id="best_man_etiquette_2"></a><a name="cabs_ushers" id="cabs_ushers"></a>On the morning of the wedding the bridegroom is called for in the hansom
+or cab which has been ordered for himself and the best man. <a name="church_weddings" id="church_weddings"></a>The best man
+calls for him and takes him to the church. They should time their
+movements so as to arrive at least five minutes before the hour
+appointed for the ceremony. <a name="house_wedding" id="house_wedding"></a>The same precaution should be observed if it
+is a house wedding.</p>
+
+<p><a name="afternoon_wedding" id="afternoon_wedding"></a><a name="wedding_dress" id="wedding_dress"></a>At day weddings afternoon dress is <i>de rigueur</i> for bridegroom, best
+man, ushers, and all male guests. <a name="coats_frock_3" id="coats_frock_3"></a>The bridegroom, best man, and ushers
+should be dressed alike in frock coats and waistcoats to match, trousers
+of dark gray striped, patent-leather shoes, gray suede gloves, white or
+pearl-colored scarfs, and top hats.</p>
+
+<p>The English have allowed some latitude, and wear gray frock coats and
+even colored shirts, but this fashion is not generally in vogue in
+America. <a name="evening_dress_wedding" id="evening_dress_wedding"></a>Evening weddings require formal evening dress. A wedding at
+dusk in winter, where the bride wears traveling costume, calls for
+afternoon dress on the part of the bridegroom.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span>The bridegroom and best man alight at the vestry. They remain in the
+back of the chancel until the first notes of the wedding march notify
+them of the presence of the bride. The best man must see before the
+ceremony that the bridegroom's top hat, as well as his own, is sent to
+the entrance of the church to be handed to the respective owners on
+their exit.</p>
+
+<p>When the bride, on the arm of her father or guardian, approaches the
+altar, the bridegroom and best man walk out from the vestry, either
+together or the best man in advance. In the latter case the best man
+steps back at the chancel rail, and allows the bridegroom to pass before
+him. The bridegroom stands on the right-hand side of the altar or
+reading desk and the best man on his right. The bride is on the
+bridegroom's left, and her father or guardian a little behind her on her
+left.</p>
+
+<p>To avoid confusion, the ceremony is generally rehearsed an evening or
+two before. Much depends on the liturgy of the communion to which the
+couple belong. The best man has charge of the ring, and must produce it
+and hand it to the clergyman at the time it is demanded.</p>
+
+<p>At the conclusion of the ceremony the best man precedes the bride and
+bridegroom in the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span>procession, escorting the maid of honor, unless the
+<i>cort&egrave;ge</i> has been differently arranged. In that case, he makes his way
+either through the vestry or down one of the aisles to the church door,
+where he superintends the filing away of the bridal carriages and party.
+At the reception he goes in to breakfast with the maid of honor, or with
+a near relative of the bride's family. He may use the bridegroom's
+hansom from the church to the house, or he may go with one of the
+family. There is no rule for this. The bride and bridegroom use the
+bride's carriage.</p>
+
+<p><a name="ministers_fees" id="ministers_fees"></a>The best man is intrusted also with the paying of the clergyman. The
+bridegroom will give him a check for this purpose. As already stated, he
+also inserts the marriage notices in the newspapers, the funds for which
+are also provided by the bridegroom. He pays his own personal expenses.</p>
+
+<p>The ushers meet in the church about an hour before the ceremony. <a name="cabs_ushers_2" id="cabs_ushers_2"></a>The
+bridegroom generally puts carriages at their disposal, but that is not
+in the least obligatory. They can take hansoms or cabs, or for that
+matter go to the rendezvous in the car or stage. <a name="ushers_duties" id="ushers_duties"></a>The ushers stand at the
+foot of the nave or aisle and busy themselves escorting guests to
+seats. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span>An usher offers his right arm to the lady he escorts up the
+aisle. Even if a lady should be accompanied by her husband or escort,
+the usher should offer her his arm, and the other man walks up behind
+them. If an usher should not have had the formality of an introduction
+to the lady he is showing to a seat, a bow and a smile when leaving her
+is all that is necessary. An usher, being a friend of the family, knows
+those who ought to go beyond the ribbon and those who are not relatives
+or family connections. The bride's brothers, if they are ushers, take
+care of the members of their family, and the intimate friends of the
+bridegroom or his relations. The relatives of the bride are placed in
+the front pews beyond the ribbon on the right-hand side of the altar,
+and the bridegroom's on the left-hand side. At the arrival of the bridal
+party the ushers get together and form in the back of the church for the
+procession up the aisle or nave. Their meeting thus is the cue for the
+sexton, who signals the organist, and the march is started. The ushers
+advance up the aisle, two by two, until they reach the chancel, where
+they divide on the right and on the left, allowing the bridesmaids to
+pass before them, standing in a semicircle around the altar rails. If it
+is a Ro<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span>man Catholic wedding they genuflect as they reach the chancel.
+They file down the aisle in the same order, heading the bridal
+procession. At the carriage way they assist the bridesmaids in their
+carriages, and by previous arrangement they are allotted to certain
+carriages escorting the bridesmaids.</p>
+
+<p><a name="wedding_reception" id="wedding_reception"></a><i>At the reception</i> the bride and bridegroom take their places under a
+wedding bell of flowers or in the front drawing room between the two
+front windows, or, again, in the back drawing room. The house is
+decorated with palms, potted plants, flowers, and other foliage. Pink
+and white orchids, ferns, and chrysanthemums make very effective
+decorations. The mother of the bride, or nearest female relative, stands
+at the door of the drawing room and greets the guests. The ushers and
+bridesmaids are scattered about the room. If there is only a reception,
+then the guests, after exchanging greetings with the lady of the house,
+pass on and shake hands with and congratulate the bridegroom and wish
+the bride joy. Unless you are an intimate friend, do not attempt any set
+speech. The bride will say, if she has not seen you for a short time
+before the wedding, "I must thank you, Mr. Smith, for your beautiful
+present," or something of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span>that kind. If you do not know the bridegroom
+she will present you to him. If you are a friend of the bridegroom he
+will present you to the bride, and should say, if such is the case,
+"Evangeline," or "May," or "Margaret," or otherwise; or "My dear, let me
+present to you Mr. Algernon Smith, who, you remember, is one of my best
+friends." And if Mrs. &mdash;&mdash; has any tact, she will at once reply, "I am
+so pleased to meet any of my husband's old friends, and I must thank
+you, Mr. Smith, for the beautiful <i>bonbon</i> dishes. They were just what I
+wanted," or words to that effect. Then pass on. Refreshments are served
+at a wedding reception from a buffet in the dining room. If you enter
+with a lady, ask her what she would like, and get it for her. Then take
+your own choice of refreshment, and stand or sit by her as the
+accommodations of the room will permit. A half hour at a wedding
+reception is sufficient. It is not good form to bid good-by to the bride
+and bridegroom, but only to the lady of the house.</p>
+
+<p>If there is no chaperon&mdash;for instance, if the bride be a widow or
+divorcee and is in her own home&mdash;then you must bid her good-by, but in
+such cases large receptions are not given.</p>
+
+<p>There is always a breakfast or luncheon set <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>for the bridal party, at
+which the bride, escorted by the bridegroom, leads the way. The bride's
+father, escorting the bridegroom's mother, the ushers and bridesmaids
+and relatives follow. In this country we have no special law of
+precedence, and these bridal luncheons are more or less informal. There
+are no toasts.</p>
+
+<p>After breakfast the valet, should there be one, must be ready with the
+bridegroom's valise, when his master retires to put on a tweed suit for
+traveling; otherwise it can be laid out by one of the servants. With the
+coachman on the box and amid the usual shower of rice and slippers, as
+also the fusillade of a battery of eyes from neighbors' windows, and
+perhaps a crowd of street urchins and admiring servants, the happy
+couple start out on their wedding journey. I think it is better taste to
+wait until dark, almost, so as to avoid all this unseemly publicity, and
+I am averse to having the coachman and horses decked with white ribbons;
+but, of course, one does not marry every day in the year, and these
+little eccentricities are pardonable on such&mdash;shall I say?&mdash;an
+"auspicious" occasion.</p>
+
+<p>At a home wedding, as has been said above, ushers are not necessary. The
+same ceremonial is observed as at church, but due allow<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span>ance must be
+made for crowded quarters. Usually very few are asked to the ceremony,
+but many to the reception afterward. As soon as the ceremony is over
+congratulations are in order, the newly married couple standing under
+the bell of flowers where they were married, and receiving the good
+wishes of their friends.</p>
+
+<p><a name="foreign_marriages" id="foreign_marriages"></a>If a man marries abroad there are many annoying bits of red tape to be
+considered. In London you are obliged to have a legal residence in the
+parish where the ceremony is to be performed. In Paris a civil marriage
+before the mayor of the district is necessary. Certificates of baptism
+must be filed with him, and you must give proof of the legal consent of
+both your parents as well as those of the bride. The religious ceremony
+takes place twenty-four hours after the civil. It is strict etiquette
+that the contracting parties do not see each other during this interim.</p>
+
+<p>The order of the wedding procession in France and on the Continent
+differs vastly from that in England and America. There are neither
+ushers nor a best man. If there are bridesmaids the groomsmen accompany
+them. The bride enters on the arm of her father preceded by the
+attendants, and the bridegroom <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span>follows, escorting his future
+mother-in-law. A long procession of relatives brings up the rear. <a name="foreign_wedding_dress" id="foreign_wedding_dress"></a>The
+men, no matter at what time of the day the ceremony might take
+place&mdash;and evening weddings are unknown&mdash;are in formal evening dress.</p>
+
+<p><a name="weddings_second_2" id="weddings_second_2"></a>Under the French law also no widow or divorcee can remarry until ten
+months have elapsed since the dissolution of the previous contract. This
+should not be forgotten by bachelors contemplating matrimony with either
+one of these classes of eligibles. In Germany there are further
+complications, and I would advise all citizens of the United States
+contemplating matrimony there to consult the consul or minister at the
+legation.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XX" id="CHAPTER_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX.</h2>
+
+<h3>FUNERALS.</h3>
+
+
+<p>When a death occurs in the house all matters should at once be placed in
+charge of a relative or a friend of the family. The family itself should
+be kept away from every one as much as possible, and none of the sad
+details left to them. They should not be seen until the day of the
+funeral. Front windows should be shut, blinds and shades pulled down,
+and the outer or storm door of the house closed. <a name="calls_condolence_2" id="calls_condolence_2"></a>A servant is stationed
+in the hall near the door, as on reception days, to receive the cards of
+persons calling. <a name="cards_visiting_3" id="cards_visiting_3"></a>All acquaintances who have been entertained at the
+house leave cards in person, others may mail them. Only intimate friends
+of the family are admitted to the house.</p>
+
+<p><a name="flowers" id="flowers"></a>Should you send flowers, do not purchase or order any set designs. They
+are hideous&mdash;remind one of the tenement funerals, and are strikingly
+inappropriate. A bunch of white <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span>roses or of violets is a beautiful
+offering for a young woman, or two palms crossed, with violets or lilies
+of the valley attached, for a man or an elderly person. <a name="cards_condolence_2" id="cards_condolence_2"></a>These should be
+accompanied by your card. If you have been an intimate friend, a few
+words written&mdash;a short note of condolence&mdash;would not be amiss. To all of
+these notes, and in acknowledgment of these offerings, one of the family
+nearest the deceased in relationship should respond by sending their
+card with the words, "Thank you for your kind sympathy," or something of
+that sort, written upon it.</p>
+
+<p>As a rule, when the deceased is a young man who belongs to several clubs
+or who has a numerous acquaintance, it is better to have the funeral
+from a church. Pallbearers are chosen from among his intimate friends; a
+relative never acts as pallbearer. It is not customary for any except
+the nearest relatives to go to the cemetery. Ladies of the family do not
+accompany the remains to the cemetery, and they frequently do not attend
+the funeral services at the church if the deceased is a man.</p>
+
+<p>If the funeral services are held at the house the relatives and intimate
+friends are invited into the back parlor, dining room, or upstairs, and
+make their appearance only when the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span>services begin. The undertaker
+attends to seating people, arranging the rooms, etc.</p>
+
+<p><a name="funeral_dress" id="funeral_dress"></a>There is only one proper dress for a man to wear at a funeral. It should
+consist of black frock coat, dark trousers, dark scarf and gloves (gray
+or dark tan, but not black, unless you are a relative), and top hat.
+Should you be a relative or a pallbearer, wear a black weed on your hat.</p>
+
+<p>As to periods of mourning, there seems to be some little difference of
+opinion in New York. Ward McAllister treated the subject in quite an
+exhaustive manner, advocating short mourning terms even for the nearest
+relatives. For a wife eighteen months is considered the proper thing;
+for a parent, twelve to eighteen months, sometimes two years; for a
+brother or a sister, one year; and for a grandparent, six months. A
+maternal or paternal uncle or aunt is entitled to about two months or
+less, according to the intimacy which has existed between the families.
+Seclusion from society is generally consonant with mourning for near
+relatives. However, people now go to the theater and small dinners and
+teas after nine months of mourning for the very nearest relatives.</p>
+
+<p>It is not necessary for a man to shroud him<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span>self in black. A silk hat
+with a crape band nearly to the top should be worn by widowers during
+the first year of their widowerhood; but black shirt studs, black sleeve
+buttons, handkerchiefs bordered with black, and the other abominations
+in which the grief-stricken Frenchman arrays himself are not tolerated
+in this country. In deep mourning one can wear black ties and black
+gloves, but a white linen tie in summer is permissible. I do not
+advocate the use of black scarf pins. A black band on the sleeve of a
+gray suit is also another affectation which should be avoided. Cards
+should be left after a funeral.</p>
+
+<p>There is no code of etiquette established as yet for divorce. Second
+marriages should be as quiet as possible. This advice is given to
+bachelors who are contemplating matrimony with divorc&eacute;es.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center"><a name="advice_general" id="advice_general"></a><span class="smcap">General Advice for Unclassified Occasions.</span></p>
+
+<p><a name="christening" id="christening"></a>If you are chosen godfather, you are expected to send a silver mug to
+your godchild. Christening parties are held about four in the afternoon.
+Afternoon dress is required.</p>
+
+<p><a name="dels" id="dels"></a>When giving a dinner or any entertainment at a certain well-known New
+York restaurant <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span>do not refer to it as "Del's." This is an earmark of
+vulgarity.</p>
+
+<p><a name="gotham" id="gotham"></a>When speaking of the city of New York do not refer to it as "Gotham."
+This shows the worst kind of provincialism and a vulgar spirit.</p>
+
+<p><a name="four_hundred" id="four_hundred"></a>Even should your friends be among the most exclusive and fashionable in
+any place, they are never "swells," nor do they belong to the "Four
+Hundred." The latter term was once used by a gentleman to designate the
+probable list of people who were to entertain in New York that season,
+and has no bearing whatever upon the question of social limit.</p>
+
+<p><a name="flowers_2" id="flowers_2"></a>If you send flowers never have them arranged in set designs. Fair
+voyagers will thank you much more if you send fruit, sweets, or books,
+as flowers on shipboard or railroad trains are nuisances. Books, sweets,
+and flowers are the only gifts which a bachelor can offer or a woman
+accept from him.</p>
+
+<p><a name="lady_and_gentleman" id="lady_and_gentleman"></a>The terms "lady" and "gentleman" are distinctive. Your friends and
+acquaintances are all supposed to be ladies and gentlemen. To
+distinguish them as such implies a doubt. Should you call at a house you
+ask if the "ladies" are in, so as to distinguish them from the other
+females in the household. You also toast the "ladies." In referring to
+the gentler <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span>sex, it is more complimentary to speak of them as "women."
+You would say, "She is a clever woman," not a "clever lady." The person
+who speaks of "a lady or a gentleman friend" has a defined social
+position&mdash;on the Bowery.</p>
+
+<p><a name="slang" id="slang"></a>Avoid slang, especially that of the music halls or the comic (?)
+newspapers. You can well afford not to be "up to date."</p>
+
+<p><a name="greetings" id="greetings"></a>In greeting a person say "Good morning," "Good afternoon," or "Good
+evening," but refrain from such inane phrases as "Delighted, I'm sure."
+On introduction or presentation, it is sufficient to say "I am delighted
+to meet you." Avoid also the "How d'y do?" "How are you?" "Very well, I
+thank you." All this is idiotic.</p>
+
+<p>Whistle all you like in your bedroom, but not in public.</p>
+
+<p><a name="company" id="company"></a>Gentlefolk have "friends" stopping with them, never "company." Servants
+have and keep "company."</p>
+
+<p>When you refer to wine it means any kind of vintage, and not necessarily
+champagne. Therefore beware of the "gentleman who opens wine," or the
+one who gives a "wine party," whatever that may mean. We speak of a
+dinner, but not of a dinner party. A party to the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span>play, no matter where
+the location of the places may be, is never a "box party."</p>
+
+<p><a name="clowns" id="clowns"></a>Do not be a professed jester nor yet a punster. The clowns of society
+are not enviable beings.</p>
+
+<p><a name="society_lady" id="society_lady"></a>When speaking of a fashionable woman do not refer to her as a "society
+woman." That would imply that she belongs to various societies or
+guilds, which is not probably the impression you desire to convey.</p>
+
+<p>When a person has a predilection for the use of the word "elegant," and
+especially when it is employed in the sense of beautiful, good,
+charming, or delightful, you are quite just in your estimation of his or
+her vulgarity.</p>
+
+<p>Answers to questions should be given in the direct affirmative or the
+direct negative. "All right" is not, to say the least, civil, and is
+ill-bred.</p>
+
+<p><a name="amateur_accomplishments" id="amateur_accomplishments"></a>Never exhibit your accomplishments, unless "by special request," in the
+public parlors of hotels, or saloons of ships, or other places of
+general gathering. The persons who sing and play the piano and make
+themselves bores are as reprehensible as the window opening and shutting
+fiends, the fidgety travelers, the loud-voiced and constant complaining,
+all of whom are most obnoxious.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span><a name="swearing" id="swearing"></a>Under great provocation the expletive "damn" is tolerated by society,
+but it should be whispered and not pronounced aloud. The man who swears
+is certainly beyond the pale, and the one who uses silly and senseless
+exclamations is not far away from him. One of the marks of a gentleman
+is his complete mastery of himself under the most trying and aggravating
+circumstances.</p>
+
+<p>These are but few of the many "don'ts" which it seems necessary to
+repeat in works of this kind. For a more extended catalogue of social
+and grammatical sins, the reader is referred to that excellent book The
+Verbalist, by Alfred Ayres, and the clever little <i>brochure</i> Don't. A
+careful study of these will assist him much in reviewing elementary
+questions, the knowledge of which was taken for granted by the author of
+the Complete Bachelor.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="INDEX" id="INDEX"></a>INDEX.</h2>
+
+
+<ul><li><span class="smcap">Acceptance</span>, invitations, <a href="#acceptance">46-48</a>.</li>
+<li>Admission to clubs, rules for, <a href="#admission_clubs">127-129</a>.</li>
+<li>Admission, visitors to clubs, <a href="#club_visitors">131, 132</a>.</li>
+<li>Advice, general, for unclassified occasions, <a href="#advice_general">195, 196</a>.</li>
+<li>Afternoon calls, etiquette of, <a href="#afternoon_calls">43-45</a>.</li>
+<li>Afternoon dress, when worn, <a href="#afternoon_dress">12, 13</a>.</li>
+<li>Afternoon tea, <a href="#tea">45</a>.</li>
+<li>Afternoon wedding, <a href="#afternoon_wedding">184, 185</a>.</li>
+<li>Aisle, church and theater, going up, <a href="#aisle">5</a>.</li>
+<li>Almonds, salted, <a href="#almonds">69</a>.</li>
+<li>Alpine hats, <a href="#alpine_hats">28</a>.</li>
+<li>Amateur accomplishments, <a href="#amateur_accomplishments">199</a>.</li>
+<li>Announcement cards, <a href="#marriage_announcements">176</a>.</li>
+<li>Announcement, engagement, method of, <a href="#announcement_engagement">169</a>.</li>
+<li>Answers, Assembly and Patriarchs, <a href="#assembly_balls">48</a>.</li>
+<li>Answers, ball invitations, <a href="#assembly_balls">48</a>.</li>
+<li>Answers, committee invitations, <a href="#assembly_balls">48</a>.</li>
+<li>Answers, dinner invitations, <a href="#answers_dinner">48</a>.</li>
+<li>Answers, form of, <a href="#answers_form">46-48</a>.</li>
+<li>Answers, general, <a href="#answers_form">48</a>.</li>
+<li>Artichokes, method of eating, <a href="#artichokes">70</a>.</li>
+<li>Asparagus, method of eating, <a href="#asparagus">70</a>.</li>
+<li>Assembly balls, etiquette of, <a href="#assembly_balls">48</a>, <a href="#assembly_balls_2">105-110</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul><li><span class="smcap">Bachelor.</span>&mdash;For all functions with this title, see various heads of chapters.</li>
+<li>Bachelor's farewell dinner, <a href="#farewell_dinner">181-184</a>.</li>
+<li>Badminton, <a href="#badminton">148</a>.</li>
+<li>Bag, shoe, <a href="#shoe_bag">30</a>.</li>
+<li>Bag, traveling, what to take on a visit from Friday to Monday, <a href="#trunk">91-93</a>.</li>
+<li>Bag, traveling, voyage long, <a href="#trunks_packing">160, 161</a>.</li>
+<li>Ball, Assembly, <a href="#assembly_balls_2">105-110</a>.</li>
+<li>Ball, Charity, <a href="#charity_ball">103</a>.</li>
+<li>Ball, general etiquette of, <a href="#ball_general">48</a>, <a href="#ball_general_2">102-110</a>.</li>
+<li>Ball, Inauguration, <a href="#inauguration_ball">104</a>.</li>
+<li>Ball, public, <a href="#assembly_balls">48</a>, <a href="#charity_ball">103, 104</a>.</li>
+<li>Ball, supper at, <a href="#ball_supper">110, 111</a>.</li>
+<li>Bath, bachelor's, <a href="#bath_bachelor">17, 18</a>.</li>
+<li>Bathing, <a href="#bathing">156</a>.</li>
+<li>Bath, Turkish, <a href="#bath_turkish">22</a>.</li>
+<li>Beard, care of, <a href="#beard">19</a>.</li>
+<li>Best man, dress for, <a href="#wedding_dress">184</a>.</li>
+<li>Best man, etiquette for, <a href="#best_man_etiquette">180-182</a>, <a href="#best_man_etiquette_2">184-187</a>.</li>
+<li>Bicycling, <a href="#bicycling">144, 145</a>.</li>
+<li>Billiards, <a href="#billiards">157, 158</a>.</li>
+<li>Boating, <a href="#yachting">156</a>.</li>
+<li>Bolting food, <a href="#quick_lunch">62</a>.</li>
+<li>Boots, <a href="#boots">12, 13</a>, <a href="#boots_2">28-30</a>, <a href="#boots_3">37</a>.</li>
+<li>Boots, care of, <a href="#boots_2">28-30</a>.</li>
+<li>Boots, riding, <a href="#dress_riding">142</a>.</li>
+<li>Boots, russet, <a href="#boots_russet">13</a>, <a href="#shoes_russet_2">42</a>, <a href="#boots_russet_3">147</a>, <a href="#russet_4">155</a>.</li>
+<li>Bowing, etiquette of, <a href="#bowing">2-6</a>, 9.</li>
+<li>Bowling, <a href="#bowling">147</a>.</li>
+<li>Bridegroom, <a href="#bridegroom">178-180</a>.</li>
+<li>Bridegroom, dress of, <a href="#wedding_dress">184</a>.</li>
+<li>Bridegroom, expenses of, <a href="#bridegroom_expenses">177, 178</a>.</li>
+<li>Bridegroom, presents to bride and wedding party, <a href="#bridegroom_presents">179, 180</a>.</li>
+<li>Brushes, <a href="#brushes">19-26</a>, <a href="#brushes">28-31</a>.</li>
+<li>Brushes, clothes, <a href="#clothes_brushes">25, 26</a>, <a href="#hat_care">28-31</a>.</li>
+<li>Brushes, hair, <a href="#hairbrushes">19</a>, <a href="#hairbrushes_2">22</a>.</li>
+<li>Brushes, hat, <a href="#brushes_2">28</a>.</li>
+<li>Brushes, nail, <a href="#nails">22</a>.</li>
+<li>Brushes, tooth, <a href="#teeth">20</a>.</li>
+<li>Butler, duties of, <a href="#butler">100</a>.</li>
+<li>Butter, when served, <a href="#butter">66</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li><span class="smcap">Cabs</span>, London and Paris, <a href="#cabs">164, 165</a>.</li>
+<li>Cabs, ushers and best men, <a href="#cabs_ushers">184</a>, <a href="#cabs_ushers_2">186</a>.</li>
+<li>Calls, afternoon, <a href="#afternoon_calls">43-46</a>.</li>
+<li>Calls, balls and dances, <a href="#calls_balls">45</a>.</li>
+<li>Calls, condolence, <a href="#calls_condolence">45</a>, <a href="#calls_condolence_2">193</a>.</li>
+<li>Calls, dinner, <a href="#calls_dinner">45</a>.</li>
+<li>Calls, evening, <a href="#calls_evening">43</a>, <a href="#calls_evening_2">46</a>.</li>
+<li>Calls, general etiquette of, <a href="#calls_general">43-46</a>, <a href="#calls_general_2">106</a>, <a href="#calls_condolence_2">193</a>.</li>
+<li>Calls, opera and theater, <a href="#calls_opera">45, 46</a>.</li>
+<li>Calls, period in which to be made, <a href="#calls_period">45</a>.</li>
+<li>Card cases, <a href="#card_cases">50</a>.</li>
+<li>Card parties, <a href="#card_parties">55</a>.</li>
+<li>Cards, announcement, <a href="#marriage_announcements">176, 177</a>.</li>
+<li>Cards, condolence, <a href="#cards_condolence">50</a>, <a href="#cards_condolence_2">195</a>.</li>
+<li>Cards, etiquette of leaving, <a href="#cards_leaving">52, 53</a>.</li>
+<li>Cards, etiquette of playing, <a href="#cards_playing">159</a>.</li>
+<li>Cards, etiquette of visiting, <a href="#cards_visiting">49-53</a>, <a href="#cards_visiting_2">106</a>, <a href="#cards_visiting_3">193</a>.</li>
+<li>Cards, how many to leave, <a href="#cards_leaving">51</a>.</li>
+<li>Cards, leaving in person, <a href="#cards_in_person">50, 51</a>.</li>
+<li>Cards, mailing, <a href="#mailing_cards">50</a>.</li>
+<li>Cards, wedding, <a href="#cards_wedding">174-176</a>.</li>
+<li>Carriage, etiquette of, <a href="#carriage">4</a>, <a href="#carriage_2">139</a>.</li>
+<li>Cars, etiquette in street, <a href="#carriage">4</a>, <a href="#seat">8, 9</a>.</li>
+<li>Carving, <a href="#carving">65</a>.</li>
+<li>Ceremony, wedding, <a href="#wedding_ceremony">184, 185</a>.</li>
+<li>Chafed faces, how to prevent, <a href="#chafed_faces">19</a>.</li>
+<li>Chafing-dish suppers, <a href="#chafing_dish">78</a>.</li>
+<li>Chains, watch, <a href="#chains">16</a>.</li>
+<li>Champagne, <a href="#champagne">71</a>, <a href="#champagne_2">77</a>, <a href="#champagne_3">78</a>, <a href="#champagne_4">81</a>.</li>
+<li>Changing clothes, <a href="#changing">23</a>, <a href="#changing_2">24</a>.</li>
+<li>Chaperones, <a href="#chaperones">76</a>, <a href="#chaperones_2">79</a>, <a href="#chaperones_3">82</a>, <a href="#chaperones_4">87</a>, <a href="#chaperones_5">109</a>.</li>
+<li>Cheating at games, <a href="#cheating">154</a>.</li>
+<li>Christening, etiquette of, <a href="#christening">196</a>.</li>
+<li>Church, aisles, going up, <a href="#church_aisles">5</a>.</li>
+<li>Church, ceremony at weddings, <a href="#church_weddings">184, 185</a>.</li>
+<li>Churches, foreign, <a href="#church_foreign">166</a>.</li>
+<li>Claret, <a href="#claret">71</a>.</li>
+<li>Cleaning clothes, <a href="#grease">31</a>.</li>
+<li>Clergy, addressing, manner of, <a href="#clergy">122</a>, <a href="#clergy_2">168</a>.</li>
+<li>Closets, clothes put in, <a href="#closets">26</a>.</li>
+<li>Clothes, care of, <a href="#clothes_care_of">24-31</a>.</li>
+<li>Clothes, cost of, <a href="#clothes_cost">32-42</a>.</li>
+<li>Clothes, folding and brushing, <a href="#clothes_folding">24-31</a>.</li>
+<li>Clothes, overhauling, <a href="#overhauling_clothes">30</a>.</li>
+<li>Clothes, packing and putting away, <a href="#clothes_packing">30, 31</a>, <a href="#clothes_packing_2">91-93</a>.</li>
+<li>Clothes, removing and changing, <a href="#changing">23-27</a>.</li>
+<li>Clothes, removing grease stains from, <a href="#grease">31</a>.</li>
+<li>Clowns of society, <a href="#clowns">199</a>.</li>
+<li>Club, admission of visitors, <a href="#club_visitors">131, 132</a>.</li>
+<li>Club, admission to, <a href="#admission_clubs">128-130</a>.</li>
+<li>Club, bowing from, window, <a href="#club_bow">134</a>.</li>
+<li>Club, elections to membership, <a href="#admission_clubs">128-130</a>.</li>
+<li>Clubs, etiquette of, <a href="#club">126-136</a>.</li>
+<li>Club, pipe smoking at, <a href="#pipe_2">133</a>.</li>
+<li>Club servants, <a href="#servants_club_2">134</a>.</li>
+<li>Club, treating at, <a href="#club_treating">134</a>.</li>
+<li>Club, wearing hat at, <a href="#club_hat">133</a>.</li>
+<li>Club, where ladies are admitted, <a href="#club_ladies">135</a>.</li>
+<li>Coaching, <a href="#coaching">143, 144</a>.</li>
+<li>Coaching, dress for, <a href="#coaching_dress">144</a>.</li>
+<li>Coachman, dress or and livery, <a href="#dress_coachman">98</a>.</li>
+<li>Coachman, duties of, <a href="#coachman_duties">98</a>.</li>
+<li>Coat of arms, <a href="#coat_arms">121</a>.</li>
+<li>Coats, care, folding, and keeping of, <a href="#coats_care">24-26</a>.</li>
+<li>Coats, cost of, <a href="#coats_cost">33-36</a>, <a href="#coats_cost_2">38</a>.</li>
+<li>Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, <a href="#dinner_coat">15</a>, <a href="#coats_dinner_2">35</a>.</li>
+<li>Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, cost of, <a href="#coats_dinner_cost">35</a>.</li>
+<li>Coats, dress or evening, when to wear, <a href="#evening_dress">13</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_3">56</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_5">164-167</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_wedding">186</a>.</li>
+<li>Coats, frock, cost of, <a href="#coats_cost_2">38</a>.</li>
+<li>Coats, frock, when to wear, <a href="#coats_frock">12</a>, <a href="#coats_frock_2">13</a>, <a href="#coats_frock_3">186, 187</a>, <a href="#funeral_dress">195</a>.</li>
+<li>Coats, frock, colored, <a href="#coats_frock_2">13</a>.</li>
+<li>Coats, lounge or sack, <a href="#morning_dress">10-12</a>.</li>
+<li>Coffee, black, when served, <a href="#coffee">73</a>.</li>
+<li>"Company," <a href="#company">198</a>.</li>
+<li>Condolence, letters of, <a href="#condolence_congratulation">125</a>.</li>
+<li>Congratulation, letters of, <a href="#condolence_congratulation">125</a>.</li>
+<li>Corn, eating on cob, <a href="#corn">72</a>.</li>
+<li>Correspondence, etiquette of business, <a href="#business_correspondence">120-123</a>.</li>
+<li>Correspondence, etiquette of friendly, <a href="#letters_bachelor">119-121</a>, <a href="#friendly_correspondence">124</a>.</li>
+<li>Cotillon, etiquette of, <a href="#cotillon">112-118</a>.</li>
+<li>Cotillon, figures of, <a href="#cotillon_figures">116-118</a>.</li>
+<li>Cotillon, form of, <a href="#cotillon_form">112-115</a>.</li>
+<li>Cotillon, leading a, <a href="#cotillon_leading">113-115</a>.</li>
+<li>Country house, entertaining by bachelor, <a href="#country_house_entertaining">86-89</a>.</li>
+<li>Country house, etiquette at, <a href="#country_house">85-93</a>.</li>
+<li>Country house, furnishing of, <a href="#country_house_furnishing">88</a>.</li>
+<li>Country house, tipping servants at, <a href="#tips">90</a>.</li>
+<li>Country house, visits at, <a href="#country_house_visits">88-90</a>.</li>
+<li>Crests, use of, <a href="#coat_arms">121</a>.</li>
+<li>Crossing legs in public, <a href="#crossing_legs">8</a>.</li>
+<li>Crossing streets, <a href="#street">1, 2</a>.</li>
+<li>Cucumbers, how served and eaten, <a href="#cucumbers">69</a>.</li>
+<li>Customhouse, French and English, <a href="#customhouse">166, 167</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul><li>"Damn," when it may be excused, <a href="#swearing">200</a>.</li>
+<li>Dance card, not used in New York, <a href="#dance_card">108</a>.</li>
+<li>Dance, etiquette of, <a href="#dance">102-118</a>.</li>
+<li>Dance, forms of, <a href="#dance_forms">109</a>, <a href="#dance_forms_2">114-118</a>.</li>
+<li>Dance, manner of asking to, <a href="#dance_ask">108</a>.</li>
+<li>Dances, bachelor, <a href="#bachelor_dances">82</a>.</li>
+<li>Dances, dinner, <a href="#dinner_dances">60</a>.</li>
+<li>Dances, invitations to, <a href="#ball_general">48</a>.</li>
+<li>"Del's," <a href="#dels">197</a>.</li>
+<li>Diamonds, <a href="#diamonds">16</a>.</li>
+<li>Dinner, bachelor farewell, <a href="#farewell_dinner">161, 162</a>.</li>
+<li>Dinner, bachelor host at home, <a href="#dinner_3">77, 78</a>.</li>
+<li>Dinner, bachelor host at restaurant, <a href="#dinner_restaurant_host">83</a>.</li>
+<li>Dinner coat, when worn, <a href="#dinner_coat">15</a>.</li>
+<li>Dinner dance, <a href="#dinner_dances">60</a>.</li>
+<li>Dinner, general etiquette of, <a href="#dinner">46, 47</a>, <a href="#dinner_2">54-74</a>, <a href="#dinner_3">77, 78</a>, <a href="#dinner_4">82, 83</a>, <a href="#dinner_5">161, 162</a>.</li>
+<li>Dinner, serving at, <a href="#dinner_serving">78</a>, <a href="#dinner_serving_2">100</a>.</li>
+<li>Don'ts of table etiquette, <a href="#table_etiquette">62-65</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, afternoon, <a href="#afternoon_dress">13</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, afternoon wedding, <a href="#bridegroom_presents">179</a>, <a href="#wedding_dress">185</a>, <a href="#foreign_wedding_dress">187</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, bachelor's, for all times, <a href="#dress_all_times">13-16</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, badminton, <a href="#dress_bowling_badminton">148</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, bathing, <a href="#bathing">156</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, boating, <a href="#dress_boating">156</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, bowling, <a href="#dress_bowling_badminton">157</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, butler, <a href="#dress_butler">101</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, coaching, <a href="#dress_coaching">138</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, coachman, <a href="#dress_coachman">98</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, driving and coaching, <a href="#dress_coaching">138</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, evening, <a href="#evening_dress">13-15</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_2">32-35</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_3">56</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_4">156</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_5">164</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_6">166</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_7">167</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, evening, formal, <a href="#evening_dress_formal">13, 14</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, evening, informal, <a href="#evening_dress_informal">15</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, evening wedding, <a href="#evening_dress_wedding">187</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, foreign, morning and evening functions, <a href="#evening_dress_5">164</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_6">166</a>, <a href="#evening_dress_7">167</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, funeral, <a href="#funeral_dress">195</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, golf, <a href="#dress_golf">154</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, groom, <a href="#dress_groom">96, 97</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, morning or lounge, <a href="#morning_dress">11, 12</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, polo, <a href="#dress_polo">148</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, riding, <a href="#dress_riding">142</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, riding to hounds, <a href="#dress_hounds">142</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, shipboard, <a href="#dress_shipboard">161, 162</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, shooting, <a href="#dress_shooting">146</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, skating, <a href="#dress_skating">148</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, tennis, <a href="#tennis">156</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, theaters, London and Paris, <a href="#dress_theater">166</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, traveling, <a href="#dress_traveling">160</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, valet, <a href="#dress_valet">99, 100</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, wheeling, <a href="#dress_wheeling">145</a>.</li>
+<li>Dress, yachting, <a href="#dress_yachting">149</a>, <a href="#dress_yachting_2">152</a>.</li>
+<li>Drinking with mouth full, <a href="#drinking_with_mouth_full">63</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Eggs, eaten from shell, <a href="#eggs">66</a>.</li>
+<li>Elevator, etiquette of, <a href="#elevator">5</a>.</li>
+<li>Engagements, announcement, <a href="#announcement_engagement">169, 170</a>.</li>
+<li>Engagements, etiquette of, <a href="#engagements">169</a>, <a href="#engagements_2">171</a>.</li>
+<li>Engagements, presents during, <a href="#engagement_presents">171</a>.</li>
+<li>Engagement ring, <a href="#engagement_ring">170</a>.</li>
+<li>Entr&eacute;es, manner of serving, <a href="#entrees">69</a>.</li>
+<li>Envelopes and stationery, proper form of, <a href="#envelopes_form">120</a>, <a href="#envelopes_form_2">122, 123</a>.</li>
+<li>Envelopes, sealing, <a href="#envelopes_sealing">122, 123</a>.</li>
+<li>Escorts, <a href="#escorts">5</a>, <a href="#escorts_2">9</a>.</li>
+<li>Esquire, when used, <a href="#letters_addressing">121</a>.</li>
+<li>Expenses, wedding, who pays, <a href="#wedding_expenses">177</a>.</li>
+<li>Eye, bath for, <a href="#eye_bath">19</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Fares, paying, <a href="#fares">9</a>.</li>
+<li>Fees, foreign countries, <a href="#fees">163-165</a>.</li>
+<li>Feet, care of, <a href="#feet">21</a>.</li>
+<li>Fish, manner of eating, <a href="#fish">69</a>.</li>
+<li>Flask, brandy, <a href="#brandy">161</a>.</li>
+<li>Flowers, sending, <a href="#engagement_presents">171</a>, <a href="#flowers">194</a>, <a href="#flowers_2">198</a>.</li>
+<li>Foreign etiquette, <a href="#foreign_etiquette">162</a>, <a href="#foreign_etiquette_2">164</a>.</li>
+<li>Foreign marriages, <a href="#foreign_marriages">191, 192</a>.</li>
+<li>"Four hundred," <a href="#four_hundred">197</a>.</li>
+<li>French titles, <a href="#french_titles">168</a>.</li>
+<li>Frock coats, <a href="#coats_frock">12</a>, <a href="#coats_frock_2">13</a>, <a href="#coats_cost_2">38</a>, <a href="#coats_frock_3">184</a>, <a href="#funeral_dress">195</a>.</li>
+<li>Fruit, manner of eating, <a href="#fruit">71, 72</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Gifts, when engaged, <a href="#engagement_presents">171</a>.</li>
+<li>Golf, dress for, <a href="#dress_golf">155</a>.</li>
+<li>Golf, etiquette of, <a href="#golf">153, 154</a>.</li>
+<li>Gotham, <a href="#gotham">197</a>.</li>
+<li>Grace at meals, <a href="#grace">58</a>.</li>
+<li>Grape fruit, <a href="#grapefruit">67</a>.</li>
+<li>Grease, removal of, <a href="#grease">31</a>.</li>
+<li>Greetings, <a href="#greetings">198</a>.</li>
+<li>Groom, dress of, <a href="#dress_groom">96, 97</a>.</li>
+<li>Groom, duties of, <a href="#groom">96-98</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Hairbrushes, <a href="#hairbrushes">22</a>.</li>
+<li>Hair, care of, <a href="#hair">21</a>.</li>
+<li>Handkerchiefs, pocket, <a href="#handkerchiefs">14</a>, <a href="#handkerchiefs_2">27</a>.</li>
+<li>Hands, care of, <a href="#hands">20</a>.</li>
+<li>Hands on table, <a href="#hands_on_table">64</a>.</li>
+<li>Hat, care of, <a href="#hat_care">28</a>.</li>
+<li>Hat, Derby, when worn, <a href="#hat_derby_alpine">11</a>.</li>
+<li>Hat, Hombourg or Alpine, when worn, <a href="#hat_derby_alpine">11</a>.</li>
+<li>Hat, opera or crush, <a href="#hat_opera">13</a>.</li>
+<li>Hat, straw, <a href="#hat_straw">15</a>.</li>
+<li>Hat, top or silk, <a href="#top_hat">13</a>, <a href="#top_hat_2">14</a>.</li>
+<li>Hoisting colors, <a href="#hoisting_colors">150, 151</a>.</li>
+<li>Hounds, riding to, <a href="#hounds">142</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Introducing men to women, <a href="#introducing_men_to_women">41</a>.</li>
+<li>Introduction, letters of, <a href="#letters_of_introduction">45</a>.</li>
+<li>Introductions, etiquette of, <a href="#introductions">41, 42</a>.</li>
+<li>Introductions, formal, <a href="#introductions">41</a>.</li>
+<li>Introductions, general, <a href="#general_introductions">41</a>.</li>
+<li>Introductions in street not good form, <a href="#introductions_in_street">42</a>.</li>
+<li>Introductions, when and when not made, <a href="#introductions_when">41, 42</a>.</li>
+<li>Invitation, ball, <a href="#ball_general">48</a>, <a href="#ball_invitation_2">103</a>.</li>
+<li>Invitation, dance, <a href="#ball_general">48</a>.</li>
+<li>Invitation, dinner, <a href="#dinner">46, 47</a>.</li>
+<li>Invitation, luncheon, <a href="#lunch_invitation">54</a>, <a href="#luncheons_bachelor">76</a>.</li>
+<li>Invitation, wedding, <a href="#wedding_invitation">172-176</a>.</li>
+<li>Invitations, various forms of, <a href="#invitation_forms">46-48</a>, <a href="#lunch_invitation">54</a>, <a href="#luncheons_bachelor">76</a>, <a href="#wedding_invitation">172-176</a>.</li>
+<li>Inauguration Ball, <a href="#inauguration_ball">104</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Jacket, dinner or Tuxedo coat, <a href="#dinner_coat">15</a>, <a href="#coats_dinner_2">34, 35</a>.</li>
+<li>Jewelry, use of, <a href="#jewelry">16</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Ladies annex to clubs, <a href="#ladies_annex">135</a>.</li>
+<li>"Lady and gentleman," when used, <a href="#lady_and_gentleman">198</a>.</li>
+<li>Lancers, <a href="#lancers">109</a>.</li>
+<li>Legs, crossing, <a href="#crossing_legs">8</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, a bachelor's, <a href="#letters_bachelor">119-126</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, addressing, <a href="#letters_addressing">121-123</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, business, <a href="#business_letters">122</a>, <a href="#business_letters_2">124</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, condolence, <a href="#condolence_congratulation">125</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, congratulation, <a href="#condolence_congratulation">125</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, club, paper written on, <a href="#club_hotel_letters">124</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, destroying old, <a href="#destroying_letters">120</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, friendly, <a href="#friendly_letters">122</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, hotel or business paper, written on, <a href="#club_hotel_letters">124</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters of introduction, <a href="#letters_of_introduction">45</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, sealing, <a href="#envelopes_sealing">123</a>.</li>
+<li>Letters, stamping, <a href="#stamping_letters">123</a>.</li>
+<li>Lifting hat, occasions for, <a href="#lifting_hat">2-7</a>.</li>
+<li>Lift or elevators, etiquette of, <a href="#elevator">5</a>.</li>
+<li>Liqueurs, <a href="#liqueurs">73</a>.</li>
+<li>London, cab and hotel fees, <a href="#london_fees">165, 166</a>.</li>
+<li>London, general traveling etiquette, <a href="#london">165, 166</a>.</li>
+<li>Luncheon dishes, <a href="#luncheon_dishes">66</a>.</li>
+<li>Luncheons, <a href="#luncheon">54-56</a>, <a href="#luncheon_dishes">66</a>, <a href="#luncheon_3">74</a>, <a href="#luncheon_4">76</a>, <a href="#luncheon_5">77</a>.</li>
+<li>Luncheons, bachelor, <a href="#luncheons_bachelor">76, 77</a>.</li>
+<li>Lunch, quick, <a href="#quick_lunch">64</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Macaroni, <a href="#macaroni">72</a>.</li>
+<li>Mailing cards, <a href="#mailing_cards">51</a>.</li>
+<li>Manners, code of table, <a href="#table_etiquette">64-73</a>.</li>
+<li>Marriage announcements, <a href="#marriage_announcements">176</a>.</li>
+<li>Marriage ceremony, <a href="#wedding_ceremony">178</a>.</li>
+<li>Marriages, formalities at foreign, <a href="#foreign_marriages">192</a>.</li>
+<li>Men servants, <a href="#servants">94-101</a>.</li>
+<li>Menus, <a href="#menus">67</a>, <a href="#menus_2">77</a>, <a href="#menus_3">78</a>, <a href="#menus_4">81</a>, <a href="#menus_5">111</a>, <a href="#menus_6">183</a>.</li>
+<li>Ministers fees, by whom paid, <a href="#ministers_fees">186</a>.</li>
+<li>Morning bath, <a href="#bath_bachelor">17</a>.</li>
+<li>Morning or lounge suit, <a href="#lounge_suit">11, 12</a>.</li>
+<li>"Mr." and "Esq.," when to use, <a href="#letters_addressing">121</a>.</li>
+<li>Mushrooms, how to eat, <a href="#mushrooms">70</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Nailbrushes, <a href="#nails">20</a>.</li>
+<li>Nails, <a href="#nails">20</a>.</li>
+<li>Napkin, proper use of, <a href="#napkin">63</a>.</li>
+<li>Nervous people at table, <a href="#nervous">63</a>.</li>
+<li>Nobility, addressing, <a href="#nobility">167, 168</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Omnibus, Paris and London, <a href="#omnibus">166</a>.</li>
+<li>Olives, how to eat, <a href="#olives">69</a>.</li>
+<li>Opera or crush hat, <a href="#hat_opera">14</a>, <a href="#hat_opera_2">39</a>.</li>
+<li>Opera or theater calls, <a href="#calls_opera">45</a>.</li>
+<li>Opera, visits between the acts, <a href="#opera_visits">80</a>.</li>
+<li>Overcoats, <a href="#overcoats">14-16</a>, <a href="#overcoats_2">25</a>.</li>
+<li>Overcoats, Chesterfield and covert, <a href="#overcoats_chesterfield">14-16</a>.</li>
+<li>Overhauling clothes, <a href="#overhauling_clothes">30</a>.</li>
+<li>Oysters, <a href="#oysters">68</a>.</li>
+<li>Oyster cocktails, <a href="#oyster_cocktails">68</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Paper, note, correct kind, <a href="#note_paper">120</a>.</li>
+<li>Paris cabs, <a href="#paris_cabs">165</a>.</li>
+<li>Paris, etiquette for strangers, <a href="#paris_strangers">164-166</a>.</li>
+<li>Paris theaters, <a href="#theaters_foreign">166</a>.</li>
+<li>Park suits, <a href="#afternoon_dress_2">13</a>.</li>
+<li>Patriarchs' Ball, <a href="#assembly_balls_2">105-111</a>.</li>
+<li>Picnics, <a href="#picnics">85-87</a>.</li>
+<li>Pipe smoking, <a href="#pipe">7</a>, <a href="#pipe_2">133</a>.</li>
+<li>Pope, audience with, <a href="#pope">166</a>.</li>
+<li>Pourboires, <a href="#pourboires">165</a>.</li>
+<li>Programme at London theaters, <a href="#programme_london">164</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Queen, how to address, <a href="#nobility">166</a>.</li>
+<li>Quick lunch, <a href="#quick_lunch">62</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Radishes, when served, <a href="#radishes">67</a>.</li>
+<li>Reception, wedding, <a href="#wedding_reception">188</a>.</li>
+<li>Removing grease, <a href="#grease">31</a>.</li>
+<li>Restaurant, bachelor dinner and luncheon at, <a href="#restaurant">80-83</a>.</li>
+<li>Restaurants, etiquette of, <a href="#restaurants">5, 6</a>.</li>
+<li>Riding, <a href="#riding">140, 141</a>.</li>
+<li>Riding to hounds, <a href="#hounds">142</a>.</li>
+<li>Ring, engagement, <a href="#engagement_ring">169, 170</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Sack suits, <a href="#lounge_suit">12</a>.</li>
+<li>Salad, <a href="#salad">71</a>.</li>
+<li>Salt and pepper, individual, <a href="#salt_and_pepper">75</a>.</li>
+<li>Savories, <a href="#savories">71</a>.</li>
+<li>Scarves, <a href="#scarves">16</a>.</li>
+<li>Scotch whisky, <a href="#scotch">73</a>.</li>
+<li>Sea, costume at, <a href="#dress_shipboard">161, 162</a>.</li>
+<li>Sealing letters, <a href="#envelopes_sealing">123</a>.</li>
+<li>Seat, giving one's, in car or ferry, <a href="#seat">8, 9</a>.</li>
+<li>Second helping, <a href="#second_helping">65</a>.</li>
+<li>Servants, a bachelor's, <a href="#servants">94-101</a>.</li>
+<li>Servants, club, <a href="#servants_club">132</a>, <a href="#servants_club_2">134</a>.</li>
+<li>Servants, general duties of, <a href="#servants_duties">94, 95</a>.</li>
+<li>Shaven, clean, servants, <a href="#clean_shaven_servants">94, 95</a>.</li>
+<li>Shaving, <a href="#beard">18, 19</a>.</li>
+<li>Shawl straps, <a href="#shawl_straps">161</a>.</li>
+<li>Sherry, <a href="#sherry">69</a>.</li>
+<li>Ship, etiquette on board, <a href="#ship">160-162</a>.</li>
+<li>Ship, sending flowers to, <a href="#flowers_2">198</a>.</li>
+<li>Shirts, <a href="#shirts">11-14</a>, <a href="#shirts_2">24</a>, <a href="#shirts_3">32</a>, <a href="#shirts_4">35</a>, <a href="#shirts_5">37</a>.</li>
+<li>Shirts, colored, <a href="#shirts_colored">12</a>, <a href="#shirts_5">37</a>.</li>
+<li>Shoe bag, <a href="#shoe_bag">30</a>.</li>
+<li>Shoes and boots, care of, <a href="#boots_2">28, 29</a>.</li>
+<li>Shoes, black leather, <a href="#shoes">12</a>.</li>
+<li>Shoes, cost of, <a href="#shoes_4">36</a>.</li>
+<li>Shoes, general information about, <a href="#shoes">12</a>, <a href="#shoes_2">14</a>, <a href="#shoes_3">28, 29</a>, <a href="#shoes_4">37, 38</a>.</li>
+<li>Shoes, patent leather, <a href="#shoes">12</a>, <a href="#shoes_2">14</a>, <a href="#shoes_3">28, 29</a>.</li>
+<li>Shoes, russet, <a href="#shoes">12</a>, <a href="#shoes_russet_2">29</a>, <a href="#shoes_russet_3">145</a>, <a href="#russet_4">155</a>, <a href="#shoes_russet_5">162</a>.</li>
+<li>Shooting, <a href="#shooting">146</a>.</li>
+<li>Shops, etiquette of, <a href="#shops">4</a>.</li>
+<li>Signatures to letters, <a href="#signatures">121</a>.</li>
+<li>Smoking, <a href="#smoking">7</a>, <a href="#smoking_2">133</a>.</li>
+<li>Smoking in street, <a href="#smoking">7</a>.</li>
+<li>Smoking, pipe, <a href="#pipe">7</a>, <a href="#pipe_2">133</a>.</li>
+<li>Slang, use of, <a href="#slang">198</a>.</li>
+<li>"Society lady," <a href="#society_lady">199</a>.</li>
+<li>Soup, <a href="#soup">68</a>.</li>
+<li>Sporting bachelor, <a href="#sporting">136-160</a>.</li>
+<li>Stages, etiquette of, <a href="#carriage">4</a>, <a href="#seat">8</a>.</li>
+<li>Stairways, etiquette of, <a href="#stairways">6, 7</a>.</li>
+<li>Stamping letters, <a href="#stamping_letters">123</a>.</li>
+<li>Stamp, use of club, <a href="#stamp_club">123</a>.</li>
+<li>Standing, in presence of women, <a href="#standing">6</a>, <a href="#seat">8</a>.</li>
+<li>Staring at women, <a href="#staring">8</a>.</li>
+<li>Stationery, business and hotel, <a href="#club_hotel_letters">124</a>.</li>
+<li>Stationery, club, <a href="#club_hotel_letters">124</a>, <a href="#club_letters_2">134</a>.</li>
+<li>Stationery, proper to use, <a href="#note_paper">120</a>, <a href="#club_hotel_letters">124</a>.</li>
+<li>Stopping acquaintances in street, <a href="#acquaintances">4</a>.</li>
+<li>Strawberries, <a href="#strawberries">72</a>.</li>
+<li>Street, crossing, with lady, <a href="#street">1</a>.</li>
+<li>Street, etiquette of, <a href="#street">1-9</a>.</li>
+<li>Street, introductions on, <a href="#introductions_in_street">42</a>.</li>
+<li>Street, smoking in, <a href="#smoking">7</a>.</li>
+<li>Stick, proper method of holding, <a href="#stick">7</a>.</li>
+<li>Style of walking, proper, <a href="#walking_style">7</a>.</li>
+<li>Supper, ball and dance, <a href="#ball_supper">110, 111</a>.</li>
+<li>Supper, chafing-dish, <a href="#chafing_dish">78</a>.</li>
+<li>Supper, given by a bachelor, <a href="#supper">78</a>, <a href="#supper_2">81</a>, <a href="#supper_3">83</a>, <a href="#supper_4">84</a>.</li>
+<li>Supper, restaurant, <a href="#supper_restaurant">78</a>, <a href="#supper_2">81</a>, <a href="#dinner_4">82</a>.</li>
+<li>Supper, suggestions for menu, <a href="#menus_3">78</a>, <a href="#menus_4">81</a>, <a href="#supper_menu_3">82</a>.</li>
+<li>Swearing, caution against, <a href="#swearing">198</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Table, carving at, <a href="#carving">65</a>.</li>
+<li>Table manners, <a href="#table_etiquette">62-74</a>.</li>
+<li>Table, setting and arrangement of, <a href="#table_setting">75, 76</a>.</li>
+<li>Tea, afternoon, etiquette of, <a href="#tea">45</a>.</li>
+<li>Teeth, care of, <a href="#teeth">19, 20</a>.</li>
+<li>Tennis, etiquette of, <a href="#tennis">148</a>.</li>
+<li>Terrapin, how to eat and serve, <a href="#terrapin">70</a>.</li>
+<li>Theater aisle, walking down, <a href="#theater_aisle">5</a>.</li>
+<li>Theater and opera, calls at, <a href="#calls_opera">45, 46</a>.</li>
+<li>Theater clubs, <a href="#theater_clubs">82</a>.</li>
+<li>Theater, etiquette at, <a href="#theater">3-5</a>, <a href="#staring">8</a>, <a href="#calls_opera">45, 46</a>, <a href="#theater_parties">78-80</a>, <a href="#theater_clubs">82</a>.</li>
+<li>Theater parties, <a href="#theater_parties">78-82</a>.</li>
+<li>Theaters, etiquette at foreign, <a href="#theaters_foreign">162, 163</a>.</li>
+<li>Third person, addressing people in, <a href="#third_person">122</a>.</li>
+<li>Ties and scarfs, <a href="#ties">11</a>, <a href="#ties_2">12</a>, <a href="#ties_3">14</a>, <a href="#ties_4">16</a>, <a href="#ties_5">35</a>, <a href="#ties_6">179</a>, <a href="#ties_7">184</a>.</li>
+<li>Ties, men's, cost of, <a href="#ties_5">35</a>.</li>
+<li>Ties, presentation of, to best man and ushers, <a href="#ties_6">179</a>.</li>
+<li>Tips and tipping, <a href="#tips">90</a>, <a href="#servants_club">132</a>, <a href="#tips_3">165</a>, <a href="#tips_4">166</a>.</li>
+<li>Titles, foreign, <a href="#nobility">167, 168</a>.</li>
+<li>Toasts at dinner, <a href="#toasts">64</a>.</li>
+<li>Toothbrushes, care of, <a href="#teeth">20</a>.</li>
+<li>Tooth washes, <a href="#teeth">19, 20</a>.</li>
+<li>Toilet articles, care of, <a href="#toilet_articles">22</a>.</li>
+<li>Toilet, bachelor's, <a href="#toilet">17-24</a>.</li>
+<li>Tonic for hair, <a href="#tonic">21</a>.</li>
+<li>Towels for bath, <a href="#towels">18</a>.</li>
+<li>Traveling, etiquette of, abroad, <a href="#traveling_abroad">161-163</a>.</li>
+<li>Traveling, etiquette of, in America, <a href="#traveling_america">160-162</a>.</li>
+<li>Trousers, care of, <a href="#trousers">26, 27</a>.</li>
+<li>Trousers, folding, <a href="#trousers">26</a>.</li>
+<li>Trousers, white duck and flannel, <a href="#trousers_flannel">12</a>.</li>
+<li>Trunk, or bag, packed for Friday to Monday visit, <a href="#trunk">89</a>.</li>
+<li>Trunks, how to pack, <a href="#trunks_packing">160</a>.</li>
+<li>Trunks, traveling with, <a href="#trunks_traveling">161</a>.</li>
+<li>Turkish baths, <a href="#bath_turkish">22</a>.</li>
+<li>Tuxedo coat, when to wear, <a href="#tuxedo">15</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Umbrella, how to carry, <a href="#umbrella">7</a>.</li>
+<li>Usher, dress of, <a href="#afternoon_wedding">184</a>.</li>
+<li>Ushers, duties of, at wedding, <a href="#ushers_duties">186, 187</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Valet, dress of, <a href="#dress_valet">99, 100</a>.</li>
+<li>Valet, duties of, <a href="#valet">98-100</a>.</li>
+<li>Visiting cards, <a href="#cards_visiting">49-53</a>.</li>
+<li>Visiting cards, leaving, mailing, sending, <a href="#cards_leaving">51-53</a>.</li>
+<li>Visiting cards, style of, <a href="#cards_visiting">49, 50</a>.</li>
+<li>Visiting, country house, <a href="#country_house">85-93</a>.</li>
+<li>Visiting, fashionable time for, in New York, <a href="#afternoon_calls">43</a>.</li>
+<li>Visitors at clubs, <a href="#club_visitors">131, 132</a>.</li>
+<li>Von, use of title, <a href="#von">168</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul>
+<li>Walking, etiquette of, <a href="#street">1-8</a>.</li>
+<li>Walking, proper style of, <a href="#walking_style">7</a>.</li>
+<li>Waltzing, <a href="#waltzing">109</a>.</li>
+<li>Wedding, announcement, cards, <a href="#marriage_announcements">176</a>.</li>
+<li>Wedding, church, <a href="#church_weddings">184-186</a>.</li>
+<li>Wedding etiquette, <a href="#wedding">172-193</a>.</li>
+<li>Wedding expenses, <a href="#wedding_expenses">177</a>.</li>
+<li>Wedding, house, <a href="#house_wedding">188</a>.</li>
+<li>Wedding, hour fashionable for, <a href="#wedding_fashionable">172</a>.</li>
+<li>Wedding receptions, <a href="#wedding_reception">188, 189</a>.</li>
+<li>Weddings, divorcee's and widow's, <a href="#weddings_second">176</a>, <a href="#weddings_second_2">192</a>.</li>
+<li>Weddings, English and French, <a href="#foreign_marriages">144, 145</a>.</li>
+<li>Wheeling, etiquette of, <a href="#bicycling">144, 145</a>.</li>
+<li>Wheeling, proper dress for, <a href="#dress_wheeling">145</a>.</li>
+<li>Whisky, Scotch, <a href="#scotch">73</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<ul><li>Yachting, club rules for, cruise, <a href="#yachting_club">149-151</a>.</li>
+<li>Yachting, etiquette of, <a href="#yachting">148-152</a>.</li>
+<li>Yachting, proper dress for, <a href="#dress_yachting">149</a>.</li>
+<li>Yachting, proper uniform for officers and crew, <a href="#dress_yachting_2">152</a>.</li>
+</ul>
+
+<p class="center" style="margin-top: 2em;"><b>THE END.</b></p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+<p>[Transcriber's Note: The following typographical errors from the original
+edition have been corrected. No other corrections have been made to the
+original text. In addition, page references in the index contain
+numerous minor and several major inaccuracies. In most cases, the
+HTML version links to the nearest relevant section; in one
+case, no link has been provided.</p>
+
+<p>In Chapter II, "Evening dress is <i>de rigeur</i>" has been changed to
+"Evening dress is <i>de rigueur</i>".</p>
+
+<p>In Chapter VII, "conveyed thereform in carriages" has been changed to
+"conveyed therefrom in carriages".</p>
+
+<p>In Chapter VIII, "Chatreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac" has been
+changed to "Chartreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac".</p>
+
+<p>In Chapter XIX, "carriages for the <i>cortége</i>" has been changed to
+"carriages for the <i>cortège</i>", "unless the <i>cortége</i> has been differently
+arranged" has been changed to "unless the <i>cortège</i> has been differently
+arranged", and "the intimate friends of the bridegroom of his relations"
+has been changed to "the intimate friends of the bridegroom or his
+relations".</p>
+
+<p>In Chapter XX, a missing quotation mark has been added at the end of the
+sentence "Servants have and keep 'company.'"]</p>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain
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@@ -0,0 +1,5149 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Complete Bachelor
+       Manners for Men
+
+Author: Walter Germain
+
+Release Date: July 2, 2008 [EBook #25950]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COMPLETE BACHELOR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Steven desJardins and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+The Complete Bachelor
+
+Manners for Men
+
+By the Author of the
+"As Seen by Him" Papers
+
+With Index
+
+[Illustration: Publisher's logo]
+
+New York
+D. Appleton and Company
+
+1896
+
+
+
+
+COPYRIGHT, 1896,
+BY D. APPLETON AND COMPANY.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+I suppose a book of this character needs some excuse. The world is full
+of volumes written on etiquette, and, in adding another to the number,
+my plea for filling the want long felt may seem ridiculous. But I have
+an excellent reason, and that is, that in all treatises of this
+character I have found the bachelor sadly neglected.
+
+For many years, while conducting the query or "agony department" in
+Vogue, I received letters from all parts of the United States asking for
+information on certain details of etiquette which seem to have been
+overlooked by the compilers or writers of etiquette manuals. My
+correspondents always wanted these questions answered from the New York
+standpoint. All this I have endeavored to do in this volume. I have
+devoted a chapter to sports. In this I have made no attempt to give the
+rules of the various pastimes therein enumerated. I have simply jotted
+down some points which I hope may be of use to the outsider.
+
+In the chapter on dancing I have taken the Patriarchs' Ball in New York
+as my standard of subscription entertainments of this character. I have
+also written about cotillons as they are conducted in New York. I have
+endeavored to be plain and lucid. I only desired that this book should
+be a help to my reader in any dilemma of social import, and if I shall
+have proved of assistance, I shall feel that my mission has been
+accomplished, and that I have reached the goal of my ambition.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+CHAPTER                                                 PAGE
+      I.    THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC                         1
+     II.    HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS                   10
+    III.    THE BACHELOR'S TOILET                         17
+     IV.    THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES              24
+      V.    INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS         41
+     VI.    CARDS                                         49
+    VII.    THE DINER-OUT                                 54
+   VIII.    A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS                       62
+     IX.    THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST                     74
+      X.    THE COUNTRY HOUSE                             85
+     XI.    A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS                         94
+    XII.    THE DANCE                                    102
+   XIII.    THE COTILLON                                 112
+    XIV.    A BACHELOR'S LETTERS                         119
+     XV.    THE BACHELOR'S CLUB                          126
+    XVI.    THE SPORTING BACHELOR                        136
+   XVII.    A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD      160
+  XVIII.    THE ENGAGED BACHELOR                         169
+    XIX.    THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING                       172
+     XX.    FUNERALS                                     193
+
+
+
+
+THE COMPLETE BACHELOR.
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC.
+
+
+The average man is judged by his appearance and his deportment in
+public. His dress, his bearing, his conduct toward women and his
+fellow-men, are telling characteristics.
+
+In the street, when walking with a woman--the term "lady" being
+objectionable, except in case of distinction--every man should be on his
+mettle. Common sense, which is the basis of all etiquette, teaches him
+that he should be her protector. Therefore, under general circumstances,
+his place is on the street or outer side. Should there be a crowd on the
+inner side, should the walking be muddy or rough, or should there be a
+building in process of repair, or one or the other of the inconveniences
+of city life, then the man should take the side which will enable him to
+shield his fair companion from all annoyance. At night a man offers his
+arm to a woman. In the daytime etiquette allows this only when the
+sidewalk is very rough, when there are steps to climb, a crowd to be
+piloted through, or a street crossing to effect. In any one of these
+emergencies suggest, "I think you will find it better to take my arm." A
+man never walks bodkin--that is, sandwiched between two women.
+
+It is the privilege of a woman to bow first. She may have reasons why
+she should not wish to continue an acquaintance, and a man should never
+take the initiative. Abroad, in many countries, the man bows first. When
+old friends meet, however, the bowing is simultaneous.
+
+A man lifts his hat in acknowledgment of any salutation made to the
+woman with whom he is walking. It is his place, on such an occasion, to
+bow to a man friend, whether the latter enjoys or does not have the
+pleasure of the acquaintance of the woman. A man's failure to do this
+signifies that the woman does not wish to know him, or that her
+companion does not wish her to know the other man.
+
+Hotel corridors and halls may be classed as semi-public places. A man
+meeting a woman in one of these, where by custom he is permitted to
+keep on his hat, must step aside and let her pass, raising his hat as he
+does so. This does not apply to theater corridors, theater or hotel
+lobbies, or offices. In such houses as the Waldorf in New York, where
+the hall is utilized as a general sitting room by both sexes, it is not
+good form for a man to keep on his hat. In London, however, the rule is
+not as strict.
+
+Men in this country do not lift their hats to one another, except when
+they are introduced in the open or a public place. Civility is never
+wasted, and it is proper, as well as an act of reverence, to thus salute
+a clergyman or a venerable and distinguished gentleman.
+
+A man always lifts his hat when offering a woman a service, such as
+picking up or restoring to her a dropped pocket handkerchief or other
+article, or when passing a fare in a public conveyance, or when
+rendering any trifling assistance. Should she be with a male escort, the
+latter should raise his hat and thank the person who has rendered the
+service. This bit of politeness is under no circumstances the prelude to
+an acquaintance with an unescorted woman, and no gentleman would take
+advantage of it. A man always raises his hat and remains uncovered when
+talking to a woman.
+
+It is not good form to stop a woman on the street, even if the exchange
+of a few commonplace remarks be the excuse. A man never joins a woman on
+a thoroughfare unless she be one from whose friendship he is sure that
+he can claim this privilege.
+
+A gentleman always assists a woman in and out of a carriage or a public
+conveyance. He opens the door of the vehicle for her, helps her in by a
+deft motion of the right arm, and with his left protects her skirts from
+any possible mud or dust on the wheel. As he leaves her he closes the
+door, and, if it be a private conveyance, gives directions to the
+driver. He lifts his hat in bidding her good-by. Even when there is a
+footman, a second man, or an attendant, it should be esteemed a favor to
+give this assistance.
+
+In entering shops, theaters, or other buildings, where there are
+swinging doors, the escort goes ahead and holds one of them ajar,
+passing in last. A woman always precedes a man, except in one or two
+special cases. A man precedes a woman walking down the aisle of a
+theater, and it is better form that he should take the inside seat,
+especially if there is a man occupying the place next to the vacant
+one. A man precedes a woman up a narrow staircase in a public building,
+but in a private house, in ascending or descending a stairway, he should
+always allow the woman to precede him. In entering a theater box a man
+follows the usher, preceding the woman down the theater corridor to the
+door of the box. He then holds this open, and the women precede him, he
+following them. In a church, in going down a narrow aisle, the woman
+precedes the man.
+
+The lift or elevator, as well as the corridors and lobbies of a public
+building, the office of a hotel, and the vestibule of a theater, are
+public highways. In these places a man keeps on his hat, his deportment
+being the same as he would observe in the street. But when the lift or
+elevator is fitted up as a drawing room, such as is used in hotels and
+other semi-public buildings, a man removes his hat when the other sex is
+of the number of its passengers.
+
+When escorting a woman to a house where she is to make a visit, always
+mount the stoop or steps with her, ring the bell, and remain there until
+the servant comes to the door. Then, if you are not going in, take off
+your hat and leave her. Restaurants, the dining rooms of hotels, roof
+gardens, and places of amusement in the open air, where refreshments are
+served, are semi-public.
+
+A man always rises from the table at which he is sitting when a woman
+bows to him and immediately returns the salutation. Should the place be
+in the open, he doffs his hat, which under such circumstances he is
+obliged to wear. When he is in a party and a lady and her escort chance
+to stop at his table to exchange greetings with his friends, he should
+rise and remain standing during the conversation. If a man is introduced
+to him, unattended by a woman, and he is with a stag party, politeness
+bids him also rise.
+
+A gentleman will never be seen in public with characters whom he could
+not introduce to his mother or his sister. A man when he is with a lady
+should be very careful, especially at roof gardens and such places in
+midsummer, about recognizing male acquaintances who seem to be in rather
+doubtful company.
+
+In walking, a man should carry either a stick or a well-rolled umbrella.
+The stick should be grasped just below the crook or knob, but the
+ferrule must be kept downward. In business hours or on business
+thoroughfares to carry a stick is an affectation, but the man of
+leisure is regarded leniently in these abodes as a privileged character.
+
+The umbrella is an instrument of peace rather than a weapon of war, and
+should not be carried as "trailed arms," but like the stick it should be
+grasped a short distance below the handle, and the latter held almost
+upright on a very slight perpendicular.
+
+In the presence of ladies, unless by special permission, a gentleman
+never smokes, and under no circumstances does he indulge in a weed while
+on the street or walking with them. If, while smoking, a man should meet
+a woman and there should be any stopping to talk, he must at once throw
+away his cigar or his cigarette. A pipe is never smoked on fashionable
+promenades, and a man in a top hat and a frock coat with a pipe in his
+mouth is an anomaly. The pipe accompanies tweeds and a "pot" hat in the
+country or on business thoroughfares. A meerschaum or a wooden pipe is
+then allowable, but never a clay or a dudeen. The cuspidor is a banished
+instrument. The filthy custom of tobacco chewing and consequent
+expectoration can not be tolerated in civilized society.
+
+A gentleman is never hurried, nor does he loiter. The fashionable gait
+is comparatively slow, with long steps. The exaggerated stride of the
+Anglomaniac is as bad form as the swagger of the Bowery "tough." The
+correct demeanor is without gesture or apparent effort.
+
+Staring at or ogling women, standing at the entrances of theaters,
+churches, or other public buildings, stopping still and turning back to
+look at some one or something in the street, can be classified as
+offenses of which no gentleman can be guilty.
+
+Free and easy attitudes are not tolerated in good society, and this same
+rule should apply to public conveyances. As the man who crosses his legs
+in the presence of ladies is absolutely impossible, so should be the
+individual who commits the same crime in a public conveyance. He not
+only proves a nuisance to those around him, but he is a source of damage
+as well as danger to the comfort and safety of his fellow-passengers.
+
+In a crowded car, ferryboat, or stage, it is yet a mooted question as to
+whether or not a man should give up his seat to a woman. In theory he
+should, but there are circumstances under which he may be pardoned. To a
+refined or delicate lady, to an old or an enfeebled woman, or one
+burdened with bundles or with a baby in the arms, the answer to this
+should be a decided affirmative. In the South, this gallant action is
+universally practiced, except when the woman is a negress. In public
+conveyances a man should sit to the right of a woman.
+
+An escort should pay all fares in public conveyances, and should look
+after the comfort and welfare of his companion, taking entire charge of
+tickets, luggage, and luggage checks. Should a woman insist upon paying
+her _pro rata_ of the expenses the arrangement can be made before
+starting, many sensible women handing their escorts their purses for the
+purpose. Do not offer to pay the fare of any of your women friends who
+might possibly enter your train or stage. This is embarrassing and not
+necessary. A railway car or carriage being a public conveyance, a man
+always keeps on his hat, as he also does in a cab or any other vehicle
+in which he is driving, accompanied or not accompanied by one of the
+opposite sex.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS.
+
+
+There are three rules of dress which, for the ordinary man in his
+everyday life, might be resolved into two. These originally are morning,
+afternoon, and evening. Morning and evening are absolutely necessary;
+afternoon dress is donned on special occasions only.
+
+_Morning dress_ is that which is worn during business hours or at any
+time in any place, where semiformal dress is not required until
+candlelight or seven o'clock in the evening. It consists usually in
+winter of a lounge or single-breasted sack suit made of many different
+kinds of material, the favorites being Scotch tweeds or black and blue
+cheviots, rough-faced and smooth. Fashions are liable to some variation
+season after season, and the general rule can only be laid down in a
+book of this kind.
+
+With the morning or lounge dress in winter is worn the Derby or
+soft-felt Alpine hat, called the Hombourg. The Derbies are black, brown,
+or drab, and the felts are gray, brown, drab, or black. The colored
+shirt with white standing or turned-down collar is the usual
+accompaniment to the lounge suit. The fashion for colored shirts in
+stripes has been that the patterns run up and down and not across the
+bosom. The tie is a four-in-hand or an Ascot, or a simple bow, the boots
+black leather or dark-brown russet, and the gloves of tan or gray
+undressed kid or of dogskin. For ordinary business wear, suits of black
+or gray mixed cheviot, vicuna or worsted, or fancy Scotch goods, the
+coat of which is a "cutaway," are also popular; but the black diagonal
+"cutaway" has passed entirely out of fashion, and is utilized at present
+in riding costume.
+
+The lounge suit in summer is of blue flannel or very light cheviot or
+tweed. Straw hats are worn in place of Derbies and felts. Fashion
+sometimes dictates fancy waistcoats of linen to be worn with business
+suits; otherwise the entire costume--trousers, coat, and waistcoat--is
+of the same material.
+
+In the country, at the seaside, or in communities where golf, wheeling,
+tennis, yachting or other sports and pastimes are the order of the day,
+the costumes appropriate for these are in vogue for lounge or morning
+suits. This is what the English call "mufti." Such costumes are,
+however, not in good form in the city.
+
+Black leather, tan, or russet shoes are worn with morning dress. White
+duck or flannel trousers, with black or blue cheviot coat and waistcoat,
+make fashionable lounge suits for summer resorts.
+
+_Afternoon dress_ consists of a double-breasted frock coat of soft
+cheviot, vicuna, or diagonal worsted with either waistcoat to
+match--single-breasted or double-breasted--of fancy cloth, Marseilles
+duck or pique; trousers of different material, usually cashmere, quiet
+in tone, with a striped pattern on a dark gray, drab, or blue
+background; boots of patent leather, buttoned, not tied; a white or
+colored shirt with straight standing white collar; a four-in-hand,
+puffed Ascot, or small club tie; silk hat and undressed gray, tan, or
+brown kid gloves. The colored shirt is an innovation, and it should be
+used sparingly, white linen on any semiformal function being in better
+form. When spats are used they should be of brown, gray, or drab cloth
+or canvas, to match the trousers as nearly as possible. Some ultra
+faddists wear white kid gloves with afternoon dress, but the fashion is
+not universal.
+
+Afternoon dress, is the attire for weddings--for the bridegroom, best
+man, ushers, and male guests; at afternoon teas, afternoon receptions,
+afternoon calls, afternoon walks on the fashionable avenue, garden
+parties (but not picnics), luncheons, and, in fact, at all formal or
+semiformal functions taking place between midday and candlelight, as
+well as at church on Sundays, at funerals, and in the park in London
+after midday.
+
+Gray frock-coat suits are recent introductions from London, and have
+been worn at all the functions at which the black is required, but the
+latter is more conservative and in better taste. The afternoon dress is
+seldom worn in midsummer, morning suits being allowable at seaside and
+mountain-resort day functions.
+
+_Evening dress_ is the proper attire, winter or summer, on all occasions
+after candlelight. There are two kinds of evening dress, formal and
+informal.
+
+Formal or "full" evening dress, as it is sometimes vulgarly called,
+consists of the evening or "swallowtail" coat of black dress worsted or
+soft-faced vicuna, with or without silk or satin facing, with waistcoat
+and trousers of the same material, the latter plain or with a braid down
+the sides. The "dress" waistcoat can also be of white duck or pique, in
+which case it is double-breasted. The shape of the dress waistcoat shows
+the shirt bosom in the form of a "U."
+
+The evening shirt is of plain white linen, with two shirt buttons and
+link cuffs, straight standing collar, white lawn or linen tie. The
+gloves are white with white stitching, the hose of black silk, and the
+handkerchief, which must be present but not seen, of plain white linen.
+The shoes are patent-leather pumps or "low quarters," tied, not
+buttoned.
+
+The overcoat is an Inverness of black cheviot, lined with satin and
+without sleeves, and the hat a crush opera. These two latter adjuncts
+are not indispensable, but most convenient. An ordinary black overcoat
+and top hat can be worn with evening dress. No visible jewelry--not even
+a watch chain--is allowed. The shirt buttons are either of white enamel,
+dull-finished gold, or pearls, and the sleeve links white-enameled or
+lozenge-shaped disks of gold, with a monogram thereon engraved.
+
+Evening dress is _de rigueur_ at balls, dances, evening receptions,
+evening weddings, dinners, suppers, the opera, and the theater, when
+calling after candlelight, and in fact at any formal evening function
+and generally when ladies are present.
+
+Informal evening dress differs from formal in the wearing of the Tuxedo
+or dinner coat in place of the "swallowtail," and the substitution of a
+black silk for a white lawn tie.
+
+The dinner coat is of black worsted or vicuna, satin-faced. It is the
+badge of informality. Formerly it was only worn at the club, at small
+stag dinners, and on occasions when ladies were not present. Now it is
+in vogue during the summer at hotel hops and at small informal parties
+to the play, at bowling parties, restaurant dinners, and, in fact, on
+any occasion which is not formal. From June to October men wear it in
+town every evening without overcoat.
+
+As the dinner jacket is short, a top or silk hat can not be worn with
+it. The proper headgear in winter is a black felt soft hat, in summer a
+straw.
+
+The dinner jacket is becoming a necessity. It is worn also by all youths
+and boys from twelve years to seventeen, at which latter period they can
+assume the _toga virilis_ or swallowtail.
+
+I here append a few cautionary hints which must be taken if you wish to
+dress well.
+
+All scarves and ties should be tied by one's self. Made-up neckwear of
+any kind is not worn by well-groomed men.
+
+White evening waistcoats and Tuxedo coats do not agree; black is only
+allowable.
+
+Jewelry is vulgar. The ring for a man is a seal of either green or red
+stone, or of plain burnished gold with the seal or monogram engraved
+upon it. It must be worn on the little finger.
+
+Watch chains and watch fobs are not in vogue. Watches and latchkeys are
+attached to a key chain and hidden in the trousers pocket. Diamonds are
+only in good form when set in a scarf pin, and even then they are in
+questionable taste. Diamond buttons and diamond rings are absolutely
+vulgar.
+
+The fashionable overcoat in winter is a Chesterfield or single-breasted
+frock of kersey or like material in brown, blue, or black, with velvet
+collar. For autumn and spring the tan covert coat is in vogue.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+THE BACHELOR'S TOILET.
+
+
+The first care of a bachelor is his bath or tub. To-day,
+houses--especially clubs and bachelor apartments--are fitted up so
+luxuriously that each tenant has his own individual tiled bathroom,
+which he uses also as a dressing room. But where these are not, the tin
+or the India-rubber bath tub serves as well the purpose of our first
+ablution. A cold bath to many is a good refresher and awakener, but
+there are others again whose constitutions can not stand the shock,
+especially in winter, of icy-cold water. For cleansing purposes, tepid
+water is best, or a mixture of hot and cold, so as to take the chill
+off.
+
+A gentleman takes at least one tub a day, and that, as may be inferred
+from the previous remarks, when he arises. If the tub is in the bedroom,
+have a rubber cloth placed under, and fill it only half full. The sponge
+is used for the bath, the wash rag for the washstand. The body should
+have a thorough soaping. The soap should be either Castile or a pure
+unscented glycerin. Sweet-scented soaps, perfumery, and sweet waters of
+all kinds should be eschewed. The Turkish towel is the best for drying,
+and it should be vigorously but not roughly applied. A flesh brush may
+be also used with comfort. As soon as the body is perfectly dry the bath
+robe or large Turkish towel, which some prefer to wrap themselves in,
+like Indians, should be resumed and shaving begun.
+
+Every man should learn to shave himself. Razors are very delicate
+instruments and should be kept in thorough order. Safety razors with
+little blades for each day in the week are excellent, but if you use the
+ordinary razor add to your collection from time to time, until you have
+at least half a dozen. Once a month send these to a barber to be
+stropped, and strop them yourself both before and after using. Wipe them
+dry with a piece of chamois cloth and put them back in their cases. The
+best strop is of Russia leather or of canvas.
+
+Warm water is not absolutely necessary for shaving, as some beards are
+soft and resist heat.
+
+If possible, arrange a shaving stand with a triplicate mirror and places
+for your razors, shaving mug, brush, and soap. You can purchase one of
+these, with the entire outfit, for a few dollars at any of the large
+city shops. A ring or little silver or metal hook for shaving paper can
+be placed on one side of the stand. A cleanly man shaves every morning.
+After shaving, wash the face with a little warm water and wipe it
+thoroughly dry. Add to the water a few drops of ammonia or of Pond's
+extract, if the skin is liable to chap.
+
+In the fashion of beards, the clean or smooth-shaven face, the pointed
+beard, and the simple mustache are those generally in vogue. Should you
+wear a beard, you should have for it a special comb and brush.
+
+A small tin basin, a package of sea salt, and a special wash rag are the
+requisites for a morning eye bath. Sea salt and warm water are
+recommended by oculists as the best tonic for the eyes.
+
+The teeth next claim your attention. There is nothing more disgusting
+than foul breath, which comes frequently from neglected teeth. Use a
+soft toothbrush. Avoid patent tooth washes and lotions. An excellent
+tooth powder is made of two thirds French chalk, one third orris root,
+and a pinch of myrrh. Any chemist will put this up for fifteen cents.
+Tepid and not cold water should be used. In rinsing the mouth a drop or
+two of listerine added to the water is excellent. Teeth should be
+brushed at least twice a day--morning and evening. Never use soap on
+your toothbrush. Get a spool of dental silk--it will cost you eight
+cents--and draw the thread between your teeth before you retire, so as
+to remove any substance which might have got into a crevice. And, above
+all, have your teeth examined carefully by a good dentist at least twice
+a year.
+
+See that your toothbrush is sweet and clean, and place it handle down in
+the tooth mug.
+
+The hands should be well washed and dried, tepid water, scentless soap,
+and a smooth towel being used. The nails should have a vigorous rubbing
+with a good nailbrush in the morning before your meals and before you go
+to bed at night. The nail file and nail scissors must be used as often
+as possible. Remember, dirty finger nails betray the vulgar and the
+unkempt. A man with dirty hands is impossible.
+
+The nails should not be pointed, but well rounded and kept free of bits
+of callous skin around the base, called "hangnails." Finger nails should
+be kept short, just a bit beyond the fleshy tip of the finger.
+
+The nails of the toes should be kept as carefully as those of the hands.
+In summer a little talcum powder on the feet will prevent the odor of
+perspiration.
+
+The fashions for parting the hair change with the times. At present it
+is the direct part in the middle which is most fashionable. Very young
+men wear their hair unusually long, but this fad is uncleanly. The hair
+should be cut at least once a month, and a glimpse of the skin of the
+neck should always intervene between the roots and the collar.
+
+Pomatums and greases and scents of all kinds are sticky and injurious.
+If you suffer with dryness of the scalp rub a little vaseline into it
+occasionally. Washings with tar soap or with a little alcohol and
+rosemary are beneficial. The scalp should be well brushed with
+moderately firm but not hard bristles. The best brushes are those
+without handles, known as army and navy. Water is bad for the hair.
+Constant combing with a fine-tooth comb is apt to irritate the scalp and
+provoke dandruff, which can be allayed by brushing, shampooing, and the
+use of borax and warm water.
+
+Turkish or Russian baths are beneficial now and then, and the vigorous
+massage after a thorough steaming is admirable for the skin. A man
+should be scrupulously neat about his toilet articles and appliances. In
+your bathroom you should have a rack for your coarse and fine towels.
+Always place the towel you have used at the side of a stationary or on
+the back of a movable tub to dry. See that the soap is removed from your
+sponges, and once a fortnight clean them in one quarter of an ounce of
+borax dissolved in tepid water. Let them soak for an hour, and squeeze
+them out in clean water.
+
+Hairbrushes are washed in a little soda put into a quart of hot water.
+The brush must be dipped downward so as not to wet the back. When they
+are cleansed they can be rinsed in cold water and stood on their side,
+after the water is shaken out, until quite dry.
+
+Nailbrushes must be turned on their sides, after using, so that the
+water will not soak in and crack their backs.
+
+A man's toilet articles, whether in silver or wood, should be of one
+distinctive style and material. Tooth and nail brushes should never
+have silver handles, but hair and clothes brushes with silver backs are
+very smart. They should be kept polished with a chamois cloth, and
+occasionally a little silver polish or whiting. Your bureau or dressing
+table is the place for the hair and clothes brushes, the combs, the
+toilet mirror, nail files, nail scissors, and such smaller articles.
+Your nail and tooth brushes and soaps go on the wash-hand stand. Your
+sponges are best put in a little wire basket at the side of the
+wash-hand stand, or the immovable washstand if your room or bathroom has
+the latter convenience.
+
+Your bedroom should be ventilated and all the windows opened after you
+leave it, and you should have at least one window up during your
+sleeping hours. If you have a movable tub see that it is aired each
+morning after using.
+
+Always make a change of clothes and of shoes when you come in from a
+busy day and from the street. Nothing ruins clothes so much as lounging
+about your room in them. And last but not least, as it contains the
+essential of all these rules and hints, be always immaculately clean.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES.
+
+
+There are comparatively few men who can afford the luxury of a good
+valet, and that personage himself, when found thoroughly competent, is
+indeed a treasure. But it is an absurd mistake for any one to think that
+a valet is a necessity. If you take a quarter of an hour for the care of
+your clothes every day, you can be just as well turned out as if you
+hired an expensive servant. Even if you have indulged in the luxury of a
+valet, you yourself should know all about looking after your wardrobe.
+
+Whenever you change your clothes you should first empty all your
+pockets. Then, as soon as each garment is removed, it should be
+vigorously shaken and brushed before it is folded and put away. Never
+hang coats, trousers, or waistcoats; always fold them. Wire coat hangers
+and trousers stretchers ruin clothes. Whisk brooms are useful only when
+an extra-vigorous treatment is desired. Take a clothes brush and give
+your coat, as soon as you take it off, a thorough brushing, and hold it
+to the light, so that no particle of dust may escape your eye. The coat
+is then folded exactly in half lengthwise, sleeve to sleeve, the lining
+on the outside. With evening coats it is sometimes necessary to fold the
+sleeves in half, owing to the shortness of the waist. In packing a trunk
+the same method is used, only the sleeves are stuffed with tissue paper
+to avoid possible wrinkles.
+
+Large and bulky garments, such as overcoats and frock coats, should be
+folded in triplicate. Lay the coat flat on a table and first fold on
+both sides, the right and the left, so much of the lapel and collar
+lengthwise as will cover the sleeve. This will make two folds from the
+top of the collar to the bottom of the skirt. Then fold the coat again
+in half lengthwise, using the back as a hinge. You will find the same
+principle illustrated by a cook with a pancake. The waistcoat is folded
+in half, with the lining on the outside. Always take off your shoes and
+unbutton the braces before you remove your trousers, and fold them over
+the back of a chair, which is to serve you as a clothes rack. Take the
+trousers by the waist and place together the first two suspender
+buttons, one on the left and the other on the right. This will make the
+fold preserve the natural crease and dispose of the extra material,
+button and buttonhole tab at the waist. Trousers carefully folded will
+only need pressing about twice a year. Hose should be well shaken, and
+unless perfectly clean, thrown in the soiled-linen basket. Evening silk
+hose can be worn several times. The undervest, or undershirt, and the
+drawers should be also subjected to a vigorous shaking, and hung on the
+back of the same chair where you have already placed your hose. All
+these intimate garments are to be aired, and the chair on which you have
+hung them taken to the window.
+
+Use a closet and a chest of drawers for your clothes. If you are in very
+limited quarters, six drawers and a trunk should be sufficient for all
+your belongings. The evening clothes occupy one drawer or shelf, and the
+morning and afternoon suits the other or two others. The remainder will
+be for linen, underclothing, ties, and handkerchiefs.
+
+Between each suit of clothes there should be laid a newspaper; those
+publications which use the blackest of printer's ink--the surest
+antidote for moths--being the best for this purpose. Cover the top of
+each pile of clothes, when the drawer or shelf is full, with a clean
+towel.
+
+In a chest with four drawers the bottom one should be used for
+underclothes, the top for handkerchiefs, hose, and ties, and the two
+intermediate for your linen. The closet will have to serve for your
+suits of clothes, or, in lieu of that, your trunk. Otherwise the
+last-mentioned receptacle is the place for clothes out of season,
+carefully laid away with a full complement of newspaper and camphor.
+
+When you remove your shirt at night, or when you change for dinner, be
+careful to take out the buttons and sleeve links, unless you intend to
+wear the garment again. In that case, hang it up in your closet.
+
+The first gift which a bachelor usually receives from his sister or his
+sweetheart is a handkerchief case, and I hardly need advise you to
+purchase what is a standard Christmas offering. Keep your handkerchiefs
+in this, your neatly folded ties in the second division of the drawer,
+and your hose in the third. If you should have a silver and plush
+pincushion with a movable top, your small articles of jewelry go in its
+interior, or in a small box in the top drawer.
+
+Silk hats, Derbies, and Alpines or soft-felt hats should never be
+brushed with a whisk broom. A hatter will sell you for a small sum a
+soft brush with a pliable plush back, which will do for smoothing your
+silk hat, the bristles to be applied in removing the dust. A silk
+handkerchief will also smooth a silk hat. Frequent ironing destroys the
+nap. Straw hats can be cleaned by first rubbing them over with the half
+of a lemon, then taking an old nail brush and some brown soap and water
+and giving it a vigorous brushing. Then you should take heavy books and
+lay them on the brim of the hat. An old pincushion or several towels
+rolled into a firm ball, or a book which will fit exactly, should be
+placed inside the crown. Allow the hat to dry, and do not remove the
+weights until this is accomplished. You will find your straw as good as
+new and the shape preserved. The writer has tried this with great
+success.
+
+Boots and shoes when not in use should be put on wooden trees to keep
+them in shape. As trees are rather expensive, one can use paper and
+stuff it inside the boot or shoe. This will not prove a bad substitute.
+With patent leathers, paper or cotton stuffed in the toes prevents the
+leather from wrinkling, and in this instance the very cheap material is
+better than the more expensive appliance. Patent leathers must be
+creamed and rubbed with a chamois cloth or linen or flannel rag after
+all mud and dust have first been removed. This operation should be
+repeated daily. Some men maintain that patent leathers should be
+varnished as soon as they come home from the bootmaker, but I disagree
+with them. A varnished patent leather has always a cheap look, and the
+coat of veneer is only applied as a last resort, to hide the cracks.
+Russet boots and shoes are treated daily with the special cream sold for
+them, which can be obtained at any bootmaker's or shoe shop. The price
+is small, and the stuff will last a long time. Russet boots, however,
+can be very well treated with a little vaseline, but that product will
+not give them the deep-brown color which is so fashionable. The soles of
+boots and shoes should be painted black. When a man is obliged to kneel
+in any ceremony, the sight of white or yellow gleaming soles is absurd.
+
+In wet weather it is absolutely necessary to turn up the bottoms of your
+trousers, to keep them from fraying.
+
+I would suggest a general overhauling of clothes about once a month. At
+the end of each season the heavy or light garments should receive a
+final brushing and be stored away in a trunk, chest, or spare room with,
+as I have already advised, newspapers between them, and some camphor or
+moth destroyer as an extra precaution. Overcoats, which are in such
+general use, may be hung during their season of service, but should be
+frequently brushed and well shaken.
+
+The economy of space thus observed in the arrangement of clothes in a
+room will make it an easy matter when about to travel to pack one's
+wardrobe in a trunk.
+
+A shoe bag is a great convenience. A simple canvas arrangement can be
+purchased very cheaply, or one of your fair friends can make you one.
+Your shoes should be placed in this and put at the bottom of the trunk
+in a corner. Otherwise you should wrap your shoes and boots in paper. If
+you travel with two trunks, one should be reserved for your outer
+garments and the other for your shirts and underclothes. With one trunk,
+a shirt box is as much an article to be desired as a shoe bag, but in
+lieu of this the shirts should be placed in the first or top tray, the
+underclothes and hose in the second, and the outer garments in the
+bottom. A small space in the top can be reserved for your ties and
+handkerchiefs. Toilet articles are carried in a hand bag; waterproofs,
+overcoats, and umbrellas and walking sticks in a shawl strap. Your silk
+hat has but one place, and that is in a hatbox. You can put a Derby in a
+corner of a trunk but a silk hat would be ruined.
+
+When a long journey is taken, it is economy in the end to purchase an
+extra steamer trunk for your underclothes and linen. Trunks are not
+expensive, and you will find that by not crowding your clothes you will
+save in the long run.
+
+Always keep in your room a small bottle of a good grease-remover as well
+as one of ammonia, some soft rags, and a chamois for general cleaning
+purposes. An expenditure of a little over a quarter of a dollar will
+provide you with these necessaries.
+
+Never lounge around your room in your street or evening dress. If you
+are to stay awhile, or if you come in for the night, take off your
+clothes and put on a bath robe or your pyjamas if you do not possess a
+dressing gown, which is not a necessity.
+
+At your office you should always have an old coat to wear, and if it be
+summer have one of linen. To sit around in one's shirt sleeves, even at
+one's place of business, is not characteristic of the gentleman.
+
+
+THE COST OF CLOTHES.
+
+Every young man starting in life and wishing naturally to take a part in
+social functions and to become a member of that body indefinitely known
+as society, is confronted with the problem of clothes. A few years ago
+the ordinary changes of morning, afternoon, and evening were all that
+were requisite, but to-day, with special costumes for various sports and
+pastimes, the outlook at first glance to one of limited income is not
+encouraging. And yet a man with a modest salary can dress very well on
+two to three hundred dollars a year, and even less. It is only the first
+step which costs. One must have a foundation or a slight capital with
+which to start. After that with a little care expenses can be easily
+regulated.
+
+The evening suit is the most expensive essential of a man's wardrobe.
+This he is obliged to have. I would advise, in selecting a suit of this
+kind, to have it of good material from a good tailor, after a model not
+too pronounced, so that in case of any small alteration in the fashions
+it can survive a season or two. With proper care your evening suit
+should last at least five years. During the first two or three it should
+be your costume for formal occasions. During the third season you might
+possibly have another pair of trousers made or renew the waistcoat or
+even the coat. When you find yourself, thus by the principles of the
+doctrine of the survival of the fittest, the possessor of two evening
+suits, use the old one for theaters and small dinners, and the best for
+the formal functions. White waistcoats are very smart for evening wear,
+and an investment in one or two of these during the course of a season
+will save the waistcoat of the evening suit. The prices of evening suits
+vary. The most fashionable Fifth Avenue tailors charge as much as one
+hundred and twenty-five dollars for them. Some men argue that this sum
+insures an excellent investment. However, you can have an excellent one
+made by a good tailor for an outlay of about forty dollars. The large
+retail clothing shops have a custom department, and that is their figure
+for an evening suit made to order. You can even have one for twenty-five
+dollars, but I would not spend a less amount. Superintend the making of
+it yourself. Some men have adjustable figures, and they can purchase
+their clothes from the block--that is, ready-made. The only fault to
+find with these garments is their machinelike cut. The pockets, if any,
+the lines, the binding, and the entire get-up look as if these affairs
+had been turned out by the dozen.
+
+White waistcoats for evening wear are, however, somewhat in the nature
+of luxuries. They are difficult to have laundered, and some very smart
+men object to having them sent to the wash, and would not wear one after
+it has gone through that process. The Fifth Avenue tailor will charge as
+much as twenty dollars for a white duck waistcoat made to order. It may
+fit you perfectly, but yet again it may not look a whit better than the
+ready-made which you can purchase at a haberdasher's for from three to
+five dollars.
+
+A Tuxedo or dinner coat, as explained in another chapter, is almost a
+necessity. It is really a saving. If you can not afford to have an
+entire suit of this kind made you may simply have the jacket, which will
+cost from twenty-five to forty dollars, and wear it with the trousers
+and waistcoat, and keep it to be part of your informal evening dress.
+
+I have known men to have their black sack coats or old black diagonal
+cutaways or old evening coat changed into a Tuxedo by the cutting off of
+tails, the substitution of a silk collar, or some other alteration. A
+sack coat is easily arranged, and any little tailor around the corner
+will make the metamorphosis for three dollars. Suppose you have had one
+of your old coats transformed into a Tuxedo. You can purchase, if you do
+not wish to have made, a pair of black trousers of the same material for
+a very few dollars, and an old black waistcoat, which went with the
+original coat, can also be altered. Remember that a Tuxedo dinner coat
+has not to be of a certain material. It must be black and have a silk
+collar. It is really _neglige_.
+
+You should start with a capital of at least six evening shirts. If you
+are a wealthy man these will cost possibly, made to order, as high as
+fifty-six dollars, but you can also have excellent ones for nine
+dollars. It is considered smart to have the collars attached, but not
+necessary. The cuffs, however, should be always a part of the shirt.
+
+White ties are twenty-five to thirty-five cents a piece. Always state
+the number of collar you wear when purchasing evening ties, and you
+will never have cause to complain of the length.
+
+Black patent-leather pumps, made to order, are from eight to nine
+dollars. You can get them much cheaper ready made, but the only trouble
+with them is that they are not usually good fits, and that in future
+years you will have cause to regret this economy. Of black silk
+stockings, of which you will need two or three pair, you can have a
+choice from a dollar and a half to six dollars a pair.
+
+I would advise the purchase of two business or lounge suits a year for
+the first three years. In making this estimate I can hardly suppose that
+you are in the state of Adam, and I would advise you to wear your old
+suit in winter especially, and on rainy and stormy days. Your overcoat
+will conceal it in the street, and at the office the older the clothes
+the better. The pivotal points of a man are his hat, boots, and tie.
+Have these perfectly correct, and the rest will take care of itself.
+
+For winter buy a thick, useful cloth, such as Scotch homespun or rough
+cheviot or tweed. Brown and gray mixtures are always fashionable and
+wear well.
+
+In summer a light-gray check or a blue cheviot or flannel are always
+smart.
+
+Thus making an old suit of the year before alternate with the new one,
+you will find that eighty dollars will be sufficient to help you be a
+well-groomed man.
+
+A half dozen colored shirts for morning wear are necessary, with
+attached cuffs but detached collars. Every now and then I would invest a
+few dollars in shirts, and before you know it you will have a large
+supply. As dress shirts grow old send them to be repaired at any of the
+many places which you will find advertised, and use them for morning
+shirts.
+
+Six changes of underwear--merino or wool--and a dozen balbriggan or
+woolen hose will be sufficient. Summer underwear is very cheap, and you
+can get a light merino suit for one dollar. A four-dollar investment
+will last several seasons. Good winter underwear is expensive, costing
+four or five dollars a suit.
+
+Pyjamas of Madras or pongee silk, very effective and pretty, can be had
+for a dollar and a half to three dollars a suit. Four suits of
+these--two for summer and two for winter--will last at least two years.
+
+A man must have, besides his dancing pumps, a pair of patent-leather
+walking boots and a pair of stout common boots for everyday wear. If you
+can afford it, have two pair of boots made at the same time, or even
+more. An investment of fifty dollars in boots, at say eight dollars a
+pair, would be excellent. You can change daily, and they will last you
+over a period of two or three or more years.
+
+The afternoon suit is more or less a luxury. Unless you frequent
+afternoon teas or make many afternoon calls, or act as an usher at
+weddings in any city but New York, the frock coat is not, for the first
+three or four years of your career, an absolute necessity. In New York,
+however, where calls are only made in the afternoon, it must form a part
+of your wardrobe.
+
+A frock coat can be made for forty or fifty dollars; seventy-five to one
+hundred dollars is charged by the most expensive tailors. When you order
+it, see that it is not in the extreme of fashion. The conservative
+garment will last a number of years. The material, as I have already
+suggested in another chapter, must be of rough worsted, vicuna, or
+material of that kind, and never of broadcloth.
+
+With it you must have a pair of "fancy" or cashmere trousers. These will
+cost from eight to fifteen dollars, and they will last you several
+years. In fact, the purchasing of the afternoon suit in one way is
+excellent: it does not have to be renewed as often as other parts of
+your wardrobe. It stays practically in fashion, with little deviation,
+for almost a decade.
+
+The silk hat, which is necessary for the afternoon suit, is one of the
+most expensive items of a man's wardrobe. A top hat must be of the
+prevailing mode. Autumn is the best time for purchasing, as you can
+dispense with it after May, except on very special occasions. Two
+Derbies--one for autumn and the other for spring--at from two to four
+dollars, or only one, for that matter, to last through the entire eight
+months, and a straw hat, from two to four dollars, will be the entire
+amount expended for headgear by the very best-dressed men. For a Derby
+you can substitute an Alpine or Hombourg. The opera crush hat is a
+luxury, and you can wear with your evening suit your top hat of the year
+before, which you can christen your "night hawk."
+
+Shirt buttons and sleeve links are also an expensive item. However, the
+purchase of these occurs but once in a lifetime, and fifteen dollars
+would do beautifully for enamel or plain gold.
+
+Ties vary in price, and it is difficult to limit a man on this
+expenditure. Many invest in them as a fad, picking them up here and
+there, and thus accumulating a large assortment. A little judgment in
+purchasing will allow you to acquire quite a large wardrobe. If you give
+your personal supervision to the making of your clothes you can employ a
+cheap tailor who will turn out very good work. For fashion plates, I do
+not know of any better than Du Maurier's pictures of smart London men in
+the London Punch. Watch the sales in the autumn and the late spring for
+bargains in haberdashery. Study well the advice given in the chapter on
+the Care of Clothes in this book, and you will find therein that which
+will certainly teach you economy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS.
+
+
+Formal introductions are not in vogue in this country. The nearest
+approach to it is when one is desirous of introducing a stranger or one
+of his particular friends to another. When you desire to present a man
+to a woman you must ask her if you may bring Mr. ---- to her house. In
+New York the customary time for such visits is in the afternoon, between
+four and six. In introducing men to one another it is unnecessary to
+make a formal appointment. In presenting a man to a woman her permission
+must first be asked. The formula is, "Mrs. C----, may I present Mr.
+D----?" Informal introductions may be made between people visiting in
+the same house by simply saying, "Mrs. D----, may I present Mr. B----?"
+or "Mr. F----, do you know Mr. C----?" These informal introductions
+need not be recognized afterward unless mutually agreeable.
+
+Introductions are never made in the street or in public places of any
+kind, or in public conveyances, unless under exceptional circumstances.
+It is extremely bad form to introduce a guest on his entrance into a
+room to more than one other. Wholesale introductions are not the custom
+in New York. General introductions are not made at a dinner or at any
+function. People are sufficiently well bred to engage in general
+conversation when in the houses of their friends, even if they do not
+know each other, and not to take advantage of the circumstances
+afterward.
+
+At any function at which the guests are told off, the host or hostess
+only presents the man to the woman whom he is to take down. A man never
+shakes hands upon being presented to a woman, but always on being
+introduced to a man. A man should never shake hands with a woman while
+wearing his gloves unless she also is gloved. Your hostess will give her
+hand to you when you make your obeisance. After being presented, an
+invitation is apt to follow. It may be, "Drop in to tea any afternoon,"
+or simply, "I would be glad to have you call." This invitation should
+always come from a married woman. Unmarried women do not ask young men
+to call. A man may ask the privilege of calling, or the mother of the
+young woman may say, "We should be pleased to have you call, Mr. Smith."
+
+In New York and in many of the larger cities, as has already been
+stated, the proper time for a man to call on a woman is between the
+hours of four and six in the afternoon. Sometimes women have "days" in
+the season, and you should pay your call on one of them. Otherwise any
+afternoon may do, and you can use Sunday for this purpose after three
+o'clock.
+
+Afternoon dress is, of course, requisite. In those places where evening
+calls are made a man must wear formal evening dress.
+
+On the opening of the door by the servant, a man asks of him whether the
+hostess or "the ladies" are at home. This will depend on the number of
+the members of the family receiving. He gives to the domestic the proper
+number of cards. The servant precedes him, opens the drawing-room door
+for him, and in some ultra English houses he is announced. His card or
+cards have been deposited on the silver tray which the servant has
+presented to him in the hall and left there. A visiting card is never
+brought into the drawing room. A man on a first or a formal call carries
+his stick and hat into the drawing room with him. To "hang his hat" in
+the hall shows great intimacy--even relationship--in the house. He,
+however, should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella.
+His hostess will advance to meet him, and will extend to him her right
+hand with a somewhat stiff angular motion, and he should shake it with a
+quick nervous movement of his right. He should neither grasp nor squeeze
+her hand, nor should he attempt that absurd so-called British shake in
+the air, which is never practiced except by player folk. A man removes
+his glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room, and holds
+this with his stick and hat in his left. The hat should be at an angle,
+the top about level with his nose. At weddings, the opera, and dances,
+where a woman is gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, does
+not remove his gloves. On ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved in
+her own drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is not usually
+expected. Should the hostess be gloved, as at a large affair, such as a
+formal or wedding reception, a man shakes hands with her with them on.
+
+Tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers, little
+cakes, and sometimes sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup of tea,
+a doylie will be given you, which place upon your knee. When another
+caller enters the room stand up, whether it is a woman or a man. Ten
+minutes is all that is necessary for a formal call. It is less awkward
+to leave when a new caller is announced. Shake hands with your hostess
+and bow to the people present. Leave the room sideways, so as not to
+turn your back upon the company, and bow to them as you reach the door,
+thus bowing yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer or a sitter. No
+men are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores. The first
+arrivals leave first. Freezing out is not known in good society.
+
+Calls should be made after every civility extended and every invitation
+accepted or regretted; after weddings, wedding receptions, deaths in
+families, etc., as fully explained in the chapter on card-leaving.
+
+A letter of introduction is always sent, never left in person. Calls at
+the theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are not
+accepted as formal. A man enters an opera box, stands, and bows. His
+hostess will turn around and greet him. He will then, if there is a
+vacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a little while, leaving on the
+arrival of another caller. These rules for afternoon calls can be
+applied also to those made in the evening.
+
+If no day is set for a first call, a man is expected to drop in any
+afternoon within ten days after the invitation. The sooner a call is
+made the greater the compliment. A second call may be made within two or
+three months; after that once or twice a year, as intimacy permits. A
+man is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which he
+has not first called. The usual form of a dinner invitation, the hostess
+being married, reads:
+
+     _My dear Mr. Smith:_
+
+        _Will you dine with us, most informally, on Wednesday,
+     December the ninth, at eight o'clock? Hoping that you have no
+     engagement for that evening, believe me,_
+
+                                  _Yours very sincerely,_
+                                        _Alice de Tompkins._
+        _November thirtieth._
+
+An answer to an invitation like this, which should be sent within
+twenty-four hours, reads:
+
+     _My dear Mrs. de Tompkins:_
+
+        _It will give me great pleasure to dine with you on Wednesday
+     evening, December the ninth, at eight o'clock. With many thanks for
+     your kind thought of me,_
+
+                                  _Yours very sincerely,_
+                                       _Algernon Smith._
+        _December first._
+
+Or, in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or twelve
+guests:
+
+      _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins_
+       _request the pleasure of_
+            _Mr. Smith's_
+        _company at dinner on_
+     _Wednesday evening, December_
+    _the ninth, at eight o'clock._
+
+The answer reads:
+
+          _Mr. Algernon Smith, Jr.,_
+           _accepts with pleasure_
+         _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins's_
+             _kind invitation for_
+    _Wednesday evening, December the ninth,_
+              _at eight o'clock._
+        _December first._
+
+Answers to formal luncheon invitations are written in the same manner,
+only changing the hours, etc.
+
+Informal invitations to breakfasts and luncheons will be treated in the
+chapter on that subject.
+
+The form of an invitation to a private dance is:
+
+     _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins request the pleasure of Mr. Algernon
+     Smith's company on Friday evening, January the ninth, at nine
+     o'clock._
+
+     _R. S. V. P._                                       _Dancing._
+
+The answer to this would be similarly worded as in case of the formal
+dinner. As dance invitations are usually sent out three weeks in
+advance, three days' grace is allowed for the answer.
+
+When an invitation is received to a subscription ball, like the
+assemblies in various cities, you should acknowledge it, by your
+acceptance or regret, to the subscriber sending it; but when an
+invitation is received from a ball committee, you should accept as
+follows:
+
+     _Mr. James de Courcy Peterson accepts with pleasure the committee's
+     kind invitation for Thursday evening, February the fifteenth._
+
+     _January second._
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+CARDS.
+
+
+There is only one visiting card in vogue for a man. It must be of plain
+white bristol board, unglazed, about three or four inches in length and
+about two inches in width. The name should be engraved, not printed, in
+the middle of the card, in small copperplate type, without ornamentation
+of any kind. The prefix "Mr." is always used unless the person is a
+physician, in which case he can place "Dr." before his name, or a
+clergyman, when he may use the "Rev. Mr." or the "Rev. Dr.," according
+to his rank. Army and navy men, ranking as captain or above, should put
+their rank on their cards. "Mr." is the prefix for subalterns. The
+address is placed underneath the name in smaller type and in the
+right-hand corner. If an address, however, is that of a man's club, it
+should be engraved on the left hand. A man's card should also contain
+his Christian as well as his surname. If he possesses two Christian
+names, or any distinctive family name, that should also be given, so
+that his appellation is shown in full. For instance, "Mr. John William
+Jones," "Mr. James Brown Smith," "Mr. Hamilton Hamilton-Stuyvesant."
+Visiting cards should be kept in a small case of sealskin or black or
+Russia leather and carried in the inside pocket of a frock coat, or if
+small enough more conveniently in the waistcoat pocket. Card cases
+should be stamped with initials or have a silver monogram. Visiting
+cards should never be carried loose in the pocket. A card is left in
+person the day after a dinner, luncheon, or breakfast, or within a week
+at latest after a ball. Civility must be returned by civility, and cards
+must be left on every occasion on which a call is necessary. Cards
+should not be sent by mail, unless when about to leave the country, or
+under circumstances where it is impossible to make a personal call. On
+leaving the country you should write the initials P. P. C. (_pour
+prendre conge_) in the right-hand corner. In New York many men send
+cards by mail, offering the excuse that the city is too large to get
+about to make personal calls. This is only a flimsy pretext, and should
+have no weight.
+
+The question of how many cards to leave is one which seems to bewilder
+most people. The general rule is a card to each person. This will have
+to be explained. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith you must leave a
+card for each--two cards. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the
+Misses Smith, three cards, the young ladies counting as a unit. For Mr.
+and Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith, and their married daughter Mrs. Jones
+staying with them, four cards--Mrs. Jones being entitled to the fourth.
+If Mr. Jones is also stopping at the Smiths leave an extra card for him.
+For Mrs. Smith (widow) and the Misses Smith, two cards. For Mr. Smith
+(widower) and the Misses Smith, two cards.
+
+In mailing cards, address them on the envelope "Mrs. Smith, the Misses
+Smith," or "Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith"; "The Misses Brown-Smith,"
+the one under the other. Never write on your cards "For Mr. and Mrs.
+John Brown-Smith." It is bad form. Never leave cards for people who have
+not asked you to call. When friends from another city, who have
+entertained you or who have been polite to you, should arrive in your
+own city, you should immediately call and leave cards for them. In that
+case, should you even not be acquainted with their host and hostess, it
+would be civil to leave cards also for them.
+
+After a wedding, if invited to the reception, you must personally leave
+cards at the house where the reception has been given for your host and
+hostess, and also for the young couple when they return from their
+bridal trip. Two cards at each place will be sufficient in this case.
+When invited to the church only, leave or send cards to the bride's
+parents and the young couple. As the card to the church only, is rather
+an equivocal compliment, mailing cards in this case could be excused.
+Leave personally cards for the patroness who has asked you to a
+subscription ball, within a week after the invitation. In cases of
+death, leave cards within a fortnight. In answer to letters of
+condolence, it is best to send your cards with the words "Thank you for
+your kind sympathy" written thereon. For mourning, use the same size or
+style of card, but with a narrow or deep border as befits the nearness
+of degree of relationship with the deceased. The deepest border
+permissible is about a quarter of an inch.
+
+It is bad form to bend cards or to turn down the corners thereof. These
+signs mean nothing now in good society. In calling--it may be repeated
+here--you ask, if there are more than one of the fair sex in the house,
+for "the ladies," and hand the servant the number of cards necessary. He
+takes them on a silver salver and leaves them in the hall, goes before
+you, and announces you. Your card is never taken to the lady of the
+house, unless it is a business call.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+THE DINER-OUT.
+
+
+When I speak of the "diner-out," I include under this title the bachelor
+guest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. The
+formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first meal in a
+household is purely a family affair. However, luncheons on Sunday at one
+or two o'clock are in New York frequently called breakfasts, because I
+believe many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroad
+that even once a week they dine in the middle of the day. The luncheon
+after a day wedding ceremony is also called a breakfast, but this, like
+the Sunday meal, is simply a title by courtesy.
+
+_Luncheons_, where men are guests, are popular entertainments at all the
+large summer resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar Harbor, as well
+as at the more celebrated of the Western and Pacific watering places
+and the winter cities of the South. In New York and other great
+centers, where there exists a number of gentlemen of leisure, these
+entertainments are greatly in vogue, and in Washington they sometimes
+assume the color of diplomatic functions.
+
+The hour for a luncheon is half past one o'clock, and sometimes it is
+advanced to two. All guests are expected to be punctual to the minute
+and to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour latitude is bad
+form. Better a little too early than too late. However, do not make
+yourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon. Bear in mind
+that the reputation of being the "late Mr. Smith" is not enviable. A
+tardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance. This rule applies
+to dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest,
+with only one exception--dances, where you have an hour's grace.
+
+Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. Men have attended them in
+lounge suits, but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear in
+afternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks are left in the hall. Your
+gloves are removed in the drawing room. When luncheon is announced,
+unless it is a very formal affair, your hostess leads the way to the
+dining room, and she is followed by her guests, women and men, not in
+procession. The men, of course, must allow the fairer sex to pass before
+them through the drawing-room door and into the dining room. Luncheon
+_menus_ consist of oysters, clams, or grape fruit with crushed ice and
+saturated with maraschino for the first course. This is followed by
+bouillon, an _entree_, a roast or chops with peas, or broiled chicken,
+salad with birds, ices and fruits, coffee and _liqueurs_. Sherry and
+claret are the wines, and sometimes champagne is served.
+
+A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and the men are left to smoke at
+dessert. However, sometimes this formality is waived.
+
+_Dinner_ invitations are sent out at least a fortnight in advance. In
+the New York season sometimes they are issued a full month before the
+event. They must, under all circumstances, be answered within
+twenty-four hours, and cards left on your prospective host and hostess
+within a week.
+
+The fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and eight
+o'clock. Dinners being formal evening functions, formal evening dress is
+essential.
+
+Except at very small houses and apartments, two rooms are reserved--one
+for the men and the other for the ladies--as dressing rooms. Your hat,
+coat, and outdoor attire are removed, and a servant will assist you in
+arranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of feeing these attendants,
+even at private houses, has been somewhat in vogue in a very "smart" and
+wealthy set in New York. It is not good form, and I would advise you
+against it.
+
+The servant who announces you, hands you a small envelope on which is
+written your name. This incloses a card on which is the name of the lady
+whom you are to take in to dinner. After exchanging greetings with your
+hostess and removing your gloves, you should endeavor to find your
+partner and engage in some preliminary conversation. Should you not have
+been presented to her, inform your hostess of this fact, and you will be
+at once introduced. Dinner is announced by the butler entering the
+drawing room and saying, "Dinner is served." The host leads the way with
+the woman guest of honor, and you are assigned your place in the
+procession by the hostess, who comes last with the man guest of honor.
+Each man offers his right arm to his fair partner. In the dining room,
+cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribed
+thereon. Even should there be a retinue of servants, pull back the
+chair of your partner and assist her to seat herself. In some
+old-fashioned houses grace is said, and it is always the rule when a
+clergyman is one of the guests. This blessing is asked after the company
+is seated.
+
+During dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and entertainment
+of the woman whom you have taken in. She must be your first care,
+although there may be some one on your other side, or opposite, who is
+more congenial to you. Talking across the table is very bad form. Let
+your conversation be pleasant and general, but avoid politics, religion,
+and personal criticisms.
+
+There is no form for refusing wine, if it is against your scruples to
+drink it. Do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host by
+making any demonstration, such as putting your finger over the glass or
+shaking your head at the butler. Let him fill your glasses, but do not
+drink the contents. The question of waste is not to be considered; and
+if you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence, in
+your heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will do
+no harm.
+
+The hostess gives the signal at dessert for the ladies to retire to the
+drawing room. Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in solemn
+procession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A prettier
+custom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of the
+ladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way. When
+the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to the
+dining room, where coffee, _liqueurs_, and cigars are served. At the end
+of a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half hour of
+conversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the guests
+make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. On bidding
+good-night, always assure your hostess of the pleasant evening which you
+have enjoyed.
+
+Progressive dinners are sometimes given, although now almost obsolete.
+Small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or six at each
+table. The guests change places at each course, the signal for this
+being given by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies remain in their
+seats. As there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each course, a
+man brings his with him from his first table.
+
+Public dinners, except when given by certain church, debating, or
+literary societies, are stag affairs. The guests assemble at the
+restaurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to be held, and deposit
+their hats, coats, and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A ticket
+is given with the number of your rack upon it, and a small fee--usually
+twenty-five cents--is expected. The guests assemble in one of the
+smaller drawing rooms, and each one is handed a plan of the tables with
+the location of his cover designated by his name upon it. A procession
+is formed, the guests of honor and reception committee leading, to the
+banquet hall. After dessert, speeches are in order.
+
+_Dinner dances_ are a form of entertainment where dinner is followed by
+a dance, other guests coming in from other dinner parties and meeting at
+one house which has been agreed upon as the place where the dance is to
+take place. A short time after dinner, at each of the other houses, the
+guests are conveyed therefrom in carriages, or, better yet, in stages,
+to the general rendezvous. Calls are due within the week at the house
+where you have dined as well as at the one at which you have danced.
+
+Supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners. The
+occasion is a bit more informal and the _menu_ not so elaborate. The
+etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on The Dance, and
+suppers after the play, at restaurants and clubs, being favorite
+bachelor entertainments, will be explained in that part of this book
+reserved for the Bachelor as Host.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS.
+
+
+Many of the cautions contained in this chapter will seem elementary in
+their nature. But one expects in a book of this kind to see the old
+familiar "don'ts," and their absence would perhaps deter from the
+usefulness of The Complete Bachelor. I would, however, suggest a careful
+study of that clever _brochure_, entitled Don't, which would refresh the
+memory on many points not within the scope of this work. It is really
+quite surprising to see how few men have perfect table manners. The
+American is unfortunately too often in a hurry. He bolts his food. He is
+a victim of the "quick-lunch" system. Again, a bachelor eating a
+solitary meal at a club or a restaurant is apt from sheer loneliness to
+try and dispose of it as rapidly as possible. Drill yourself into eating
+leisurely. Persons of refinement take only small morsels at a time. One
+can not be too dainty at table. To attempt to talk while your mouth is
+full is another vulgarity upon which it is needless to dwell. The French
+have made us the reproach that we frequently drink while our mouths are
+in this condition. I fear there is some foundation for this accusation.
+Wipe your mouth carefully before putting a glass to your lips. Grease
+stains around the edge of a goblet or wineglass are silent but telltale
+witnesses of careless habits.
+
+The napkin is an embarrassing article to many men. Its place is on the
+lap and not tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned around the neck.
+When one arises from the table, the napkin is thrown carelessly on it,
+unfolded. The days of napkin rings are over.
+
+Nervous and bashful persons fidget, they do not sit squarely or firmly
+at table, their chairs are crooked, they play or gesticulate with their
+knives and forks, or they beat dismal tattoos with them against their
+plates. These same timid minds find vent for inspiration in the crumbs
+of the bread, of which they involuntarily make little figures or small
+round balls. The economist, another person on the list, plasters his
+food, taking a bit of potato, a little tomato, and a good-sized square
+of meat as a foundation, and spreading these tidbits one on the other,
+prepares of them a delectable poultice which he swallows at a mouthful.
+I pass over the man who leaves traces of each meal on his shirt or his
+clothes. Such a being, I have no doubt, would convey food to his mouth
+with his knife, would blow on his soup, tea, or coffee with the idea of
+cooling it, or would pour the two latter cheering fluids into a saucer
+and drink them therefrom.
+
+The caution to keep one's hands above the cloth and one's elbows out of
+reach of others, also falls under the head of kindergarten
+classification. The ridiculous idea prevailing that one must not eat
+until others are served has passed away with many old-time fallacies.
+One commences to eat as soon as served. You need not proceed very
+actively, but you can take up your fork or spoon, as the case may be,
+and make at least a feint at it.
+
+Toasts have also fallen into "desuetude" at private dinners. Sometimes
+you will find an old-fashioned host who will, on touching his glass with
+his lips, bow to his guests, and they may wait for this signal to sip
+their wine, but the custom is utterly obsolete in large cities and at
+formal dinners.
+
+When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork side by side
+on your plate, the prongs of the fork upward. Do not cross them. No
+whistlike signals are needed to-day to signify that you have had
+sufficient to eat.
+
+Dinners are generally served _a la Russe_--that is, from the sideboard,
+and the dishes are passed around by the servants on silver trays. Very
+large _plats_, such as roasts and fish, are sometimes carried without
+the trays. On all occasions of ceremony the men servants are gloved.
+
+Carving at table is but little seen except at very informal dinners and
+in the country, where sometimes the master of the house shows off this
+old-fashioned accomplishment, especially if he has a dining room in
+colonial style and wishes to have everything in keeping.
+
+The question of second helpings is therefore not one of moment. The
+servants pass the viands twice or more around. If a host or hostess
+serves at table, he or she will ask the guests whether they would like a
+second helping. It is never demanded. Except when absolutely necessary
+the handkerchief should be kept out of sight. It can be used in case
+there should be some sudden irritation of the skin, but to blow one's
+nose at table is disgusting.
+
+The American bachelor takes usually a very light first meal. It consists
+of tea, coffee, or cocoa, toast, eggs, oatmeal, and fruit. There are yet
+a few men who go in for the old-fashioned hearty breakfast with
+beefsteak, buckwheat cakes, and trimmings, but in cities the lighter
+meal is preferable. All this is, of course, more a matter of environment
+and hygiene than etiquette. I have compiled a list of certain viands,
+which society does require should be eaten at a special meal and in only
+one manner. With this catalogue I will close this chapter.
+
+
+BREAKFAST AND LUNCHEON DISHES.
+
+_Eggs._--It is much better form to have egg cups than egg glasses for
+boiled eggs. Cut the top of the egg off with a dexterous blow of a sharp
+knife and eat it in the shell with a small egg spoon.
+
+_Sugar._--Lump sugar if served is always taken with the sugar tongs.
+
+_Butter._--Butter is only served at breakfast or luncheon. It is passed
+around in a silver dish, with a little silver pick with which to spear
+it. Butter plates--i. e., the small round silver or china affairs--have
+given place to bread and butter plates, which are of china and are
+somewhat larger than an ordinary saucer. The butter plate of a few years
+ago was never seen outside of America, and is now destined to vanish
+from our tables. It is needless to add that butter is never served at
+dinner.
+
+_Radishes._--Radishes appear at luncheon. Put them on your bread and
+butter plate and eat them with a little salt.
+
+_Cantaloupes_ are served cut in half and filled with ice. They are eaten
+as a first course, a fork being better to eat them with than a spoon.
+Salt is the condiment to use with them, but sugar is allowable. In
+southern climates they are sometimes served at dinner as a separate
+course between the fish and roast. This is a Creole custom.
+
+_Grape fruit_ is served as a first course (_vide_ chapter Diner-Out) at
+a late breakfast or luncheon. It is eaten with a spoon.
+
+
+DINNER.
+
+The _menu_ of to-day is simple. It consists of oysters or clams,
+according to season, soup, fish, _entree_, roast and vegetables, game
+and salad, ices and dessert. Sorbets or frozen punches are not served,
+except at public banquets and hotel _table-d'hotes_.
+
+_Oysters_ or _clams_ are placed on the table in plates for the purpose
+before dinner is announced. They are imbedded in ice and arranged around
+a half-sliced lemon, which is in the middle of the plate. Oysters or
+clams are eaten with a fork only. Gourmets say that they should not even
+be cut with it, and should be swallowed whole. I would not advise any
+one to try this with large oysters. The oyster fork is the first in the
+number of the implements placed beside your plate. Condiments, such as
+pepper and salt, will be passed you. Sauterne is served with oysters.
+
+_Oyster cocktails_ have been in vogue in place of oysters. These are a
+mixture of the bivalve with Tabasco sauce and vinegar, and they are said
+to be excellent appetizers. They are eaten with a small fork from
+cocktail glasses. Bachelors frequently serve them in place of oysters.
+
+_Soup_.--At large and formal dinners a clear soup is in vogue. Your soup
+spoon will be on the knife side of your plate. Soup is eaten from the
+side and not from the end of the spoon. The motion of the hand guiding
+the spoon is toward and not from you. Take soup in small spoonfuls, and
+use your napkin in wiping your mouth and mustache after each, especially
+if the soup is thick or a _puree_. This will avoid the dripping of that
+liquid from your upper lip. Never after this operation throw your napkin
+back into your lap with the greasy side toward your clothes, but use the
+inside of it for this purpose.
+
+_Fish_ is eaten with a silver fish fork. Chasing morsels of fish around
+your plate with bits of bread is obsolete. Silver fish knives have been
+put in use, but they are not generally the vogue.
+
+_Cucumbers_ are served with fish on the same plate. Little plates or
+saucers for cucumbers, vegetables, or salads are bad form.
+
+_Sherry_ is served with fish.
+
+_Celery_, _olives_, and _salted almonds_ are placed on the table in
+small dishes. Sometimes the guests are asked to help themselves, but at
+formal dinners they are passed around after the fish. Celery is eaten
+with the fingers and dipped in a little salt placed on the tablecloth or
+on the edge of your plate. It is also served as an _entree_ raw, the
+stalks stuffed with Parmesan cheese. It should then be eaten with a
+fork.
+
+_Entrees_ require a fork only. Among these are patties, _rissoles_,
+_croquettes_, and sweetbreads.
+
+_Mushrooms_ are eaten with a fork, and served as a separate course in
+lieu of an _entree_.
+
+_Terrapin_ is served sometimes in little silver saucepans either as an
+_entree_ or as fish, and again in a chafing dish, and sometimes with
+salad. It is more of a supper than a dinner plat, and should be eaten
+with a fork.
+
+_Asparagus_ is eaten, except in the intimate privacy of your own family
+circle, with a fork. Cut the points off with the end of the prongs. The
+stalk or white part is not eaten. It is allowable to eat it with your
+fingers, as I have said, in private. It is served after the roast as a
+special course. One can not drink _champagne_ with _asparagus_ except at
+the risk of a severe headache.
+
+_Artichokes_ are served as a separate course after the roast. They
+should be placed in the center of your plate and the inside tips of the
+leaves alone eaten. The leaves are removed with the fingers and dipped
+in salt, _sauce vinaigrette_, or melted butter. The center of the
+artichoke is called the heart. The hairy part is removed with the fork,
+and the heart itself, which is deliciously tender, is conveyed to the
+mouth with the fork.
+
+_Champagne_ is served in small tumblers or claret glasses. The champagne
+stem glasses are out of fashion. The _dry_ may be served from the fish
+to the close of dinner, but the old rule was to give it with the roast,
+_claret_ with the _entree_, and _Burgundy_ with the game.
+
+_Salad_ is eaten with a fork only. In cutting _game_ or _poultry_, the
+bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with the fingers, but
+the meat cut close off. It is better to sever the wing at the joint.
+
+_Savories_, a species of salt fish and cheese sandwich, is served in
+England hot, about the end of dinner. They should be eaten with a fork.
+Undressed salad is sometimes served with them, or radishes, butter, and
+cheese. This is the only occasion when one sees butter on a dinner
+table, and this at informal dinners. The salad undressed can be eaten
+with the fingers. At bachelor dinners and at luncheons _cheese_ is
+served with salad. The French soft cheeses are the favorites.
+
+_Pastry_, _ices_, and _desserts_ are eaten with a fork.
+
+_Fruit_, such as peaches, pears, and apples, are served frequently
+already pared. When this is the case, finger bowls are dispensed with,
+but as yet this is not a general rule. Usually at dessert there is
+placed before you a finger glass and doily and a dessert plate, with the
+dessert knife and fork on either side. Remove the glass and doily; put
+it in front of your plate a little to the right. _Fruit_ must be pared
+or peeled with a silver knife.
+
+_Strawberries_ are now served with the stems on, and sugar and cream are
+passed around and are taken on your dessert plate.
+
+_Pineapples_ are eaten with a fork. A cracker is used for nuts, and
+silver picks are brought in with the dessert.
+
+_Corn_ on the cob is a favorite at small informal dinners as a separate
+course. In polite society you must remove the grains of the corn with
+your fork or your knife and fork, and never eat it off the cob holding
+the end with your fingers. By holding one end with your napkin, you can
+plow down the furrow of the grains with your fork, and you will find
+that they will fall off easily. _Corn_ is always served, when given in
+this style, on a white napkin. You help yourself to the ear with your
+fingers.
+
+_Macaroni_ and _spaghetti_ should only be eaten with a fork. In New
+Orleans boiled _shrimps_ are often served at small dinners. The skins
+and heads are on, and you remove these with your fingers. After this
+course finger bowls with orange leaves are passed around, and the
+perfume of the water will remove the odor of fish from your fingers.
+
+_Black coffee_ is served after dinner. Milk or cream does not accompany
+it, except in the country, where sometimes a little silver pitcher of
+cream is placed on the tray. Coffee is drunk from small cups. Coffee and
+milk are never served during dinner, nor again is iced milk. These are
+barbarisms. Chartreuse, kuemmel, curacoa, and cognac are the _liqueurs_
+usually served after dinner.
+
+_Claret_, in many French families, especially those of the middle class,
+is placed on the table in decanters. You are expected to help yourself.
+There are also _carafons_ or decanters of water to mix with the wine.
+The claret decanters are called _carafes_. Claret is drunk at the twelve
+o'clock _dejeuner_ as well as at dinner.
+
+_Tea_ is passed around in old-fashioned English houses about an hour
+after dinner. In some places buttered muffins accompany it, but this
+extra refreshment is only seen now in very old-fashioned houses.
+
+_Scotch whisky_ and hot water or mineral waters are served in country
+houses before bedtime.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST.
+
+LUNCHEONS, DINNERS, THEATER PARTIES, CLUB AND RESTAURANT SUPPERS,
+AND OTHER BACHELOR ENTERTAINMENTS.
+
+
+The bachelor who entertains is a most popular member of society. It does
+not cost a fortune to return in some manner the civilities once
+received, and every man, even if his income be limited, can once in a
+while entertain, even if it be on a very small scale and in a very
+modest way. Bachelor functions are always enjoyable. For a host of
+moderate income, I would suggest a luncheon, a dinner, or a party to the
+play, followed by a little supper.
+
+A bachelor luncheon can be given either at the host's apartments or
+chambers, at a restaurant, or in the ladies' annex of his club, if that
+organization possesses such an institution.
+
+At all entertainments given under a bachelor's vine and fig tree,
+extreme simplicity should be a characteristic. The table linen should be
+of the finest damask, or the best material his income will allow; the
+glass perfectly plain, clear crystal, the china of a rich but quiet
+pattern, the silver good but absolutely without ornamental devices of
+any kind. In fact, the silver can be limited to forks and spoons, and
+the rest Sheffield or prince's plate. Silver is not expensive, but plate
+is considered quite smart, and it has the advantage of being utterly
+valueless from the burglar's point of view.
+
+Individual salt and pepper affairs, cut or colored glass, or the hundred
+and one knick-knacks which one sees advertised and which eventually find
+their way to the boarding-house table, are vulgar.
+
+Before your cloth is laid you should have a cover of felt placed over
+the table, so as to form a shield between it and the damask or linen. In
+the center goes a silver or plated fernery, filled with ferns and
+asparagus vines, on a mirror tray, or an _epergne_ with fruit. Two
+heavy, old-fashioned decanters in Queen Anne coasters should be placed,
+one at your right and the other at the right of your _vis-a-vis_. These
+contain sherry and claret. Four plain silver, plated, or china dishes
+are at the corners with salted almonds, olives, _bonbons_, and fancy
+cakes. If you wish to be very effective and have the money to spare, it
+is smart at a dinner to have silver candlesticks with candles or tiny
+lamps gleaming behind red or pink shades at each cover. Two or three
+forks are laid at the left of each plate. If more are required, your
+servant will replace them. On the right of the plate are the knives,
+including one for the roast, with the tablespoon for the soup, if it is
+a dinner, and the oyster fork. The napkins should be plain and flat, and
+contain a roll of bread. These hints for arranging the table will do for
+either luncheon or dinner. Not one of the articles is in itself
+expensive, and you may possess them all with the accumulation of years.
+If not, a simpler arrangement could be effected, or you could give the
+entertainment at a restaurant instead of your rooms or house. The
+invitations can be either verbal or written, but at best a luncheon or
+dinner in a bachelor's apartments is regarded as a little frolic, and
+you must try to preserve the spirit and waive the formalities.
+
+A chaperon, of course, is necessary. The party can be limited to about
+eight. If you have a manservant he should be dressed in black coat and
+trousers, white shirt, standing collar and tie, and liveried waistcoat.
+His duties are to open the door and to serve the luncheon. But a
+manservant is not necessary. Some of the smartest bachelors in New York
+give delightful little dinners and luncheons at their apartments, at
+which the maid who has cooked the meal, dressed in white apron and black
+gown, also serves it.
+
+The _menu_ should be the usual one expected at luncheons, but champagne
+is never offered by a man to women in his apartments, unless at dinner
+or a theater supper. If a wealthy bachelor has a large house, and
+instead of one there are a number of matrons chaperoning, the case is
+different. Manhattan or Martini cocktails could be passed around before
+luncheon, or some little peculiar dish be served to give a zest to the
+occasion.
+
+_A bachelor's dinner_ at his house or apartments is a more formal
+entertainment, but it differs in nowise from a regular function of that
+character. The chaperon takes the place of the lady of the house for
+that occasion. Dressing rooms are arranged for the men and women, and
+the same ceremonies observed as at any formal dinner. If the affair is
+given in apartments, of course the character must be more or less
+informal, as the accommodations are limited. Should you have a man serve
+at your dinner, he must be in evening dress. Both at dinner and at
+luncheon he must have gloves, but this is not required of a maid.
+
+A bachelor's supper in his own apartments is sometimes given after the
+play. Of the _menu_, I will speak a little farther on. A chafing-dish
+supper is, however, an unique and enjoyable entertainment. Several
+chafing dishes should be ready, so that each course can follow without
+delay. Terrapin, truffled eggs, curried oysters, and other dainties of
+this kind comprise usually the _menu_. It would be well to serve first
+oysters on the half shell, followed by lobster _a la Newburg_, the
+latter being the first _plat_ cooked with the chafing dish. Champagne is
+a good wine, and allowable for a chafing-dish supper; but if Welsh
+rarebits are the _chef d'oeuvre_, then beer or ale would be better.
+
+_A theater party_ should be confined to eight or ten. A _parti
+carre_--four people--is delightful. Unmarried women do not go to
+theaters or restaurants with a man alone. They must be chaperoned, even
+at a matinee or a luncheon party at a hotel or restaurant--in fact, an
+unmarried couple is seldom seen at public places in New York, unless
+they are engaged, and married women are as much compromised as unmarried
+ones by indifference to this absolute rule of etiquette.
+
+The invitations can be either verbal or written. In the season it is
+better to write them, to insure the acceptance of guests. Be careful in
+the wording to give not only the evening, but the name of the play and
+the theater. For a party, always secure end seats, and there will be no
+disturbing of others in case you might be a little late. A box is
+necessary at the circus or at a music hall, but orchestra seats or
+stalls are the best selection for a bachelor's party. Many mothers
+object to their daughters being seen at the theater in a proscenium box.
+
+The rendezvous or meeting place should be at the chaperon's. The
+vestibule of the theater is awkward, except for parties of four. A stage
+is the best vehicle to convey your guests to the playhouse. At the
+theater the host sees that his guests are provided with playbills. He
+gives the tickets to the usher, and precedes the party down the aisle.
+He indicates the order of sitting. A man should go in first, followed by
+the woman with whom he is to sit, and then, thus sandwiched, the rest
+of the party file in, the host taking the aisle or end seat. The host
+sits next to the chaperon. Gentlemen do not go out between the acts at
+the theater, but sometimes, when there is a party to the opera, they can
+leave their seats if other men come to visit the ladies. A man going in
+or out a theater aisle should do so with his face toward the stage and
+his back to the seat. A host never leaves his guests. After the play go
+a little ahead and give your carriage check to the porter as soon as
+possible, so that there may not be a long wait. The porter expects a
+small fee. All theater parties are followed by a supper given either at
+a restaurant, at the club, in the ladies' annex, or at your bachelor
+apartments.
+
+All luncheons, dinners, or suppers at a restaurant, unless organized on
+the spur of the moment, are ordered beforehand, and everything,
+including the waiter's tip, arranged and settled for. If you have not an
+account at the restaurant, pay the bill at the time you order the _menu_
+and reserve the table. Flowers should be included, and a centerpiece of
+roses, which are so arranged as to come apart and be distributed in
+bunches to each of your fair guests, is one of the favorite devices.
+Small _boutonnieres_ are provided for the men. The public restaurant or
+dining room is the place for a bachelor supper when ladies are guests. A
+private room is not proper, and your guests want to see and be seen. The
+chaperon is seated at the right hand of the host, unless the party is
+given in honor of a particular woman, in which case she has that place.
+The chaperon is then at your left. Wraps and coats are taken off in the
+hall of the restaurant and checked. There is no order of entry, except
+that the host should precede and the others follow.
+
+The usual _menu_ for a theater supper is:
+
+I. Clams or oysters on the half shell.
+
+II. Bouillon in cups.
+
+III. Chicken _croquettes_ or sweetbreads with peas, or lobster _a la
+Newburg_.
+
+IV. Terrapin or birds with salad.
+
+V. Ices, cakes, _cafe noir_, _bonbons_.
+
+VI. _Liqueurs_.
+
+With the oysters or clams white wine is served. Champagne follows the
+bouillon until the end of the supper.
+
+After supper the party usually returns to the residence of the chaperon,
+where the unmarried women have their maids and family escorts awaiting
+them. The host accompanies them to the chaperon's house, but the other
+men take leave at the restaurant. The chaperon may have it arranged to
+have dancing at her house, in which case the party return with her after
+supper.
+
+_A supper in the ladies' annex_ in nowise differs from this, except that
+you do not tip the waiter or pay the bill, but have it charged in your
+monthly account.
+
+The _menu_ for a supper at your own apartments follows the same lines as
+those already given.
+
+_Theater clubs_ are associations of women and men, all subscribing,
+meeting at the houses of different members, one of whom gives the
+supper.
+
+_Bachelors' dances_ or _balls_ are given at a large hall by a number of
+unmarried men, who subscribe a certain amount each. A number of
+well-known matrons are asked to receive the guests, and a cotillon
+usually follows the supper.
+
+_Impromptu lunches_, _dinners_, or _suppers_ at restaurants sometimes
+require the immediate settlement of the account. Be careful to draw from
+your pocketbook a bill of large denomination, and not a handful of
+change. Do not con over or dispute the items. If you have an account,
+simply sign the check. If not, it is best to give the waiter his tip and
+go to the desk and pay while the members of your party are getting their
+wraps.
+
+_Dinners at restaurants_ are frequently given by bachelors, and are
+followed by a visit to the theater. The rendezvous is either at the
+house of the chaperon or at the restaurant itself, should the party be
+limited in number.
+
+The _menu_ varies according to the season. Six courses, including raw
+oysters or clams, soup, fish, _entree_, roast and vegetables, birds and
+salad, ices and dessert, are sufficient. The form and manner of
+entertaining at a dinner of this kind are similar to those observed at
+suppers.
+
+To a man who frequently entertains, and at a particular restaurant, an
+occasional tip to the head waiter would be of service. This is a word to
+the wise.
+
+_Card parties_ for the playing of whist, domino, or poker are often
+given by bachelors at their apartments or residences. In apartments this
+class of entertainment is only for men. Women should not go to
+bachelors' apartments except for luncheon, dinner, or supper. In a
+bachelor's house, however, any entertainment can be given. Small stakes
+are played for and the usual supper follows. The _farewell bachelor
+dinner_ will have its proper place in the chapter on Wedding Etiquette.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+THE COUNTRY HOUSE.
+
+THE BACHELOR AS HOST.--THE BACHELOR AS GUEST.
+
+
+Bachelors, whose incomes are of all sizes and conditions, can have some
+kind of a country house. It may be a fishing lodge, a hunting box,
+maintained by three or four men clubbing together; a small cottage
+plainly and simply furnished at the seashore, near golf links, or in a
+good neighborhood; or again a large establishment, a villa at Newport or
+in a fashionable colony with a retinue of servants and a stable filled
+with horses. Whichever it might be, open hospitality, as much as it is
+in your power, should prevail. However, never attempt anything more than
+you can accomplish, and by all means do not run into debt. To a fishing
+or hunting lodge men only should be invited. It should be furnished with
+the mere necessaries, and hung with fishing and hunting prints and
+trophies of the chase. The hall serves as sitting and even mess room. A
+man of all work or an old married couple are the best servants. Ample
+supplies are sent from town, but the leading idea is roughing it, and
+the table is partially supplied by the game and fish brought back by you
+and your friends. When the term of the visit of your guests expires,
+each should be able to bring home a basket of fish or some game. From
+time to time send to any of your hostesses of the winter something from
+your preserves. These attentions are much appreciated.
+
+A truck farm or a small country place near town, which may have either
+fallen to you by inheritance or which you may have purchased, or which
+you have for kennels or for your horses, can also be used for
+entertaining. Even in the largest of these houses the plan of furnishing
+is substantially the same. There should be a masculine note throughout
+the entire scheme. The furniture should be old-fashioned, and the
+pictures sporting and hunting prints and steel engravings. There should
+be an air of homeliness and open hospitality about the place. It should
+look as if it were verily Liberty Hall.
+
+A tract of unprofitable land could be converted into golf links and a
+tennis court laid out. A picnic is the popular form in which bachelors
+who have such a possession may entertain. Some fifty to one hundred
+people can be invited, and a special train or boat, if the place is too
+far from the city for a drive, chartered for their accommodation. The
+invitations should state the hour at which this train or boat would
+leave the city. Stages await the guests at the country station and bring
+them up to the house. Cocktails, drinkables, claret cup, tea, and
+sandwiches are served on their arrival. There should be no fixed
+programme of amusement. Luncheon, or luncheon and dinner both, according
+to the length of stay, could be served, and the _menu_ should embrace a
+few courses of country fare. Dancing in the barn during the afternoon
+will be another form of entertainment, or if you wish to give an
+elaborate entertainment, vaudeville performers might be hired for the
+hour after luncheon.
+
+In a large establishment the bachelor who entertains usually has
+residing with him a sister or female relative who acts as hostess. One
+of the delights of a wealthy bachelor is to have a large and
+well-appointed stable with a number of traps which are at the
+disposition of his guests.
+
+A bachelor host always drives to the station or boat to meet his guests.
+A drag, three-seated surrey, or a station van would be the smart
+vehicle. I am now writing of a man of large means. The method of
+entertaining should be the English one, without any fixed programme for
+the days of the guests' stay. Only when there is shooting, the party is
+expected to assemble in the morning. If there is a local club, your men
+guests should be put up at it, and the entire party made visiting
+members of the neighboring casino. The rest is conveyed in the advice to
+have always plenty of good cheer and to entertain the visitors as much
+as possible. In these houses there is much drinking, possibly, and
+perhaps cards, but a young man who is a guest should be firm enough to
+resist temptation, and to stand by his convictions.
+
+One word more, and this applies to many country houses, if not all of
+them. See that your guests' bedrooms are provided with soap, hair and
+clothes' brushes, and toilet articles. The desk should be filled with
+letter paper and envelopes, and if you want to appear very fashionable,
+the stationery should have the name of your place in blue or red
+letters at the top or in the right-hand corner of the first sheet. Many
+convivial souls place on a side table in each room mineral water,
+cigarettes, cigars, and the inevitable decanter.
+
+When you are a guest you are met at the station by one of your host's
+traps. Do not be surprised, however, if you do not find this
+accommodation. It is considered very English, I know not why, to allow
+bachelors to reach a country house by the best means they can find at
+the station or landing. You are received by your host, and after
+refreshment are shown to your room. If you arrive late in the afternoon
+you do not see your hostess, but dress for dinner and find her in the
+drawing room when you go downstairs. You are expected to conform to the
+rules of the house as to the hours for meals, and to place yourself at
+the service of your hostess. You must certainly appear at any function
+which has been arranged for you, and it is very impolite to accept,
+during your stay, any outside invitation to any affair to which your
+host and hostess have not also been asked. If you have a valet you may
+bring him with you, but you must certainly notify your host of this
+intention. Few houses in this country have the accommodations necessary
+for outside servants.
+
+Tipping is demoralizing, but it is an accepted custom. On your departure
+after a short stay, at Newport or a very fashionable resort, the servant
+who attends you should have five dollars, the butler five dollars, the
+coachman five dollars, and the chambermaid two dollars. At smaller
+places five dollars altogether, judiciously distributed, is ample, or a
+dollar each to three of the servants.
+
+The first-mentioned amounts can be placed in envelopes and given to the
+servant attending you for the others. All this is a question of
+resources, and there are many men who avoid invitations to the large
+country houses in the East and North because they can not afford the
+tips. In England, when one is invited to the shooting, one tips the
+gamekeeper one to five pounds, according to the extent of the bag and
+duration of visit.
+
+The usual method of inviting men in this country for a short stay is
+from Friday or Saturday until Monday. It has often been a puzzle to them
+as to what they should take in their bag or how much luggage they should
+carry. At most not more than a good-sized bag or valise and perhaps a
+hatbox. For an evening's stay a dress-suit case is sufficient. In your
+valise must be placed your evening clothes, and if the party is to be
+somewhat of an informal one, I would also take my dinner jacket. If you
+are going to a very fashionable resort, a black frock coat, waistcoat,
+and fancy trousers would not be amiss, but in that case you would have
+also to take a hatbox for your top hat. Of recent years men in the
+country have been consulting their comfort more than absolute accuracy
+in the details of dress. Even at garden parties, at church, and at
+afternoon teas during the month of August at Newport, which is, after
+all, only the fashionable metropolis transported to another locality for
+the summer, you seldom see a frock coat or a top hat. Unless you are
+sure that there will be an occasion where these would be positively
+required, I would not take them, especially on so short a visit. The
+linen to be brought should consist of a dress shirt for each evening and
+a colored shirt for each morning, half a dozen handkerchiefs, two
+complete changes of underclothes, three pairs of ordinary and two pairs
+of black silk hose, and a pair of pyjamas. Take three of your ties for
+day wear and four white lawn for evening, and one black in case you are
+to use your dinner jacket. Slippers for the bedroom and pumps for
+evening wear should complete the clothing carried, unless you take your
+frock coat, when you would have to bring patent leather boots to wear
+with afternoon dress. I have given rather a liberal allowance of
+articles for a short stay, but one must be prepared for accidents or
+emergencies. It is better to take an extra shirt, or a change of
+underclothes, or a few more ties than one could ordinarily use, so that
+some _contretemps_ would not cause great annoyance and inconvenience. In
+the absence of a dressing case, care must be taken of the articles for
+the toilet. The tooth, nail, and shaving brushes, the sponges and
+washrags, should be packed in little waterproof silk bags, which can be
+obtained at a small price at any chemist's. Your host or hostess should
+provide you with soap, but I would not take the risk. I should bring my
+own in a little metal soapbox or well wrapped in thick paper. Your
+shaving articles, a shoehorn, button hook, nail file, small pair of nail
+scissors, tooth powder, or listerine should not be forgotten. The large
+articles, your combs and your brushes, can all be wrapped separately in
+tissue paper. It would be gallant of you to bring a box of sweets for
+your hostess.
+
+If you are asked to play golf, it might be more convenient to travel in
+your golf togs, which would serve as a lounge suit. But in that case a
+pair of long trousers to match your coat and waistcoat, or an entire
+lounge suit should be carried, as on Sunday you would be very
+uncomfortable in golf dress, and somewhat out of place. Or you might put
+your "knickers" in the bag, and wear the coat and waistcoat with long
+trousers.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS.
+
+
+As soon as a bachelor begins to branch out a little and to have an
+apartment or a house or a country establishment, though the latter be
+only a fishing or a hunting box, he must hire servants. The general
+servant is perhaps the one most universally employed. Many bachelors
+hire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking, but takes
+care of the apartment, valets him, and waits at table when he has guests
+to dinner. Others employ a man to look after them, who is valet and
+general _factotum_, and others again, with larger establishments, a man
+and wife. The former does the valeting, the waiting, and is steward and
+butler, while the woman attends to the cooking and laundry. There are
+quite a number of bachelor households of this description in our large
+cities, the occupants being several in number and clubbing together. One
+is appointed treasurer, and the butler and cook are hired at a stated
+price and receive a certain sum for catering. When good servants of this
+kind are found they are treasures.
+
+All menservants should be clean shaven. A short bit of side whiskers--_a
+la_ mutton chop--is allowed; but under no circumstances should they have
+bearded faces or wear a mustache. Their linen and attire should be
+faultless. In the treatment of servants a man must exercise an iron
+will. He can be kind and considerate, but he must never descend to
+dispute with one, and certainly not swear at him. To be on familiar
+terms with one's servants shows the cloven foot of vulgarity. Discharge
+a servant at once when he is disrespectful or when he is careless in his
+duties or in his conduct. When asking for anything there is no necessity
+of forgetting the elements of true politeness, nor is it a blot on your
+deportment to utter a civil "thank you" for a service performed. All
+servants should address you as "Sir," and when called should reply "Yes,
+sir," and certainly not "All right." Your menservants touch their hats
+to you on receiving orders in the open, on being addressed, and upon
+your appearance. Encourage your servants now and then by a kind word,
+and see that they have good and wholesome food, clean and comfortable
+quarters. Once in a while give them a holiday, or an evening off, a cash
+remembrance at Christmas, and from time to time some part of your
+wardrobe or cast-off clothing. They are just like children, and must be
+treated with the rigor and mild discipline which a schoolmaster uses
+toward his pupils. In all their movements they should be noiseless and
+as automatic as possible in their actions.
+
+And now for particular servants hired by a bachelor:
+
+The _groom_ is, with the exception of the general servant, the first
+domestic likely to be in the employ of an unmarried man of moderate
+means. When a bachelor becomes a horse owner he can never be too
+particular about his turnouts and his liveries. The groom in the city or
+at a fashionable watering place should have two liveries--one for dress
+occasions and the other for what is known as a "stable suit." The
+latter, which is a simple English tweed or whipcord, made with a cutaway
+coat of the same material, will answer perfectly well for the country,
+where it is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries. A square brown Derby
+is worn with this suit, brown English driving gloves, and a white
+plastron or coachman's scarf. This flat scarf is the badge of
+distinction between the house and stable servant. No tie pin nor
+trinkets of any description should be allowed servants. The best dress
+livery is a frock coat, single-breasted, of kersey, the color of your
+livery; white buckskin riding breeches, top boots, top hat, white
+plastron, standing collar, and brown driving gloves. One distinctive
+color should be used, not only for your liveries but also for your
+traps, as well as one kind of harness. The cockade on the hat is the
+privilege abroad of ambassadors; it is bad form. Besides the care of
+your horse or horses, your groom must be a species of outside general
+servant, ready to go on errands or attend to the numerous duties of a
+manservant about a country place. By no means can he be substituted for
+a valet, a butler, or an indoor servant. When he brings your trap to the
+door he holds the animals' heads until you are seated, when he touches
+his hat and lets go the reins. If he is to sit behind in the trap he
+must hold himself upright with folded arms. He alights immediately the
+trap is stopped, running all errands, and holding the horses until the
+drive is resumed. He sometimes accompanies his master when the latter
+rides. He brings his horse to the door and holds it until the mount. He
+follows, occasionally, on another horse at a respectful distance. Should
+you be wealthy enough to have also a coachman, your groom can act as
+second man on the box. A coachman's dress livery consists of a
+double-breasted long coachman's coat, top boots, and buckskin breeches,
+white flat plastron, high collar and top hat, and brown driving gloves.
+When both servants are employed the groom is under the orders of the
+coachman as regards the stable work.
+
+_The Valet._--Of course a valet is a luxury. A man can valet himself
+very easily, and if the instructions given in the chapters on the Care
+of Clothes and The Toilet are followed carefully, I hardly think that
+you would need such a personage. A woman can be perfectly trained to
+valet a man. Your general servant can also, and is required to fill this
+position. If you live at a club the club valet will attend to your
+clothes, and perform the duties of a private servant. There are
+"valeting companies" organized in many large cities, which take entire
+charge of your wardrobe, and again there are valets who are hired by
+several men clubbing together, and who are very capable servants. The
+individual valet, however, is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor of
+wealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, or if he goes out a great
+deal in society. A valet's duties are first and principally the entire
+charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, the details of which have
+been given in previous chapters. They begin an hour or so before the
+master rises, when clothes are to be pressed and put in order, boots and
+shoes to be polished and placed on their trees, and the costume of the
+day to be made ready. If possible, a small room is provided for him as
+his workshop.
+
+At the hour for rising, the valet enters his master's room very quietly,
+and, if he is awake, pulls up the shades and lets in the daylight. The
+bath is then prepared, and while that is being taken the newspapers,
+mail, and breakfast tray are brought in, and the valet waits for orders.
+Some men require their valets to shave them, but the majority simply
+intrust the care of their razors to them, preferring to perform that
+operation themselves. The valet assists his master in dressing, and,
+when the toilet is finished, ties or buttons the boots, arranges the
+spats, and gives a final brush to the clothes. He then fetches the
+stick, gloves, and hat. During the day he may be employed on errands,
+in answering tradespeople, in paying bills, or in any minor occupations
+of that kind. A first-class servant of this character should not only be
+steward but secretary. When writing letters for his master he should
+write them in the third person, and also sign them "Respectfully yours,
+JOHN SMITH, _valet_."
+
+A valet is told of the engagements of the day, and has the clothes
+arranged accordingly, and he must be at his post. In the evening the
+dress suit is laid out, with choice of ties and two coats, the formal
+and informal, or Tuxedo. A valet must be at the rooms when his master
+retires. In traveling he takes care of the luggage, tickets, and all the
+little annoying details. He travels second class abroad, and in this
+country he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a drawing-room
+car with his master. The valet wears no livery. He dresses quietly in a
+plain sack suit of dark material, and wears a Derby hat. Should he be
+required to wait on table, he dresses in semi-livery if the affair is a
+luncheon, and in evening dress if it is a dinner.
+
+The _butler_ is a very rare functionary in a bachelor's establishment,
+only the wealthiest being able to afford him. The valet or general
+servant acts as butler, and when in this position he should always have
+a black coat on when answering the bell.
+
+I have used the terms throughout this chapter of "master" and "servant."
+Employer and employee are correct only when the relations between the
+two persons are not of a domestic character.
+
+The most fashionable and efficient menservants are of English, Scotch,
+or Irish birth or descent. Japanese make excellent valets. Colored
+coachmen and grooms are not the vogue in New York or vicinity, but they
+are seen in the South. Very wealthy bachelors have introduced a fad for
+East Indian servants, but at present only a few of these have been
+employed, and those at Newport.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+THE DANCE.
+
+
+This is certainly a most important subject, and one which can not be
+lightly treated. I have thought it better to use exclusively the New
+York forms, which differ somewhat from the English, the French, and
+continental, as well as from a certain code of etiquette prevailing in
+other American cities.
+
+I shall therefore, as we have no State balls or ceremonials of that
+character, consider public assemblages, a few of which are patronized by
+society in New York and elsewhere.
+
+Of absolutely public balls the only one which society attends is the
+Charity. In New York this has fallen somewhat in fashionable popularity,
+although efforts are being made to revive it. In Chicago and in other
+cities it is still a very fashionable function. It is there well
+patronized and is considered smart. Tickets to the Charity are sold by
+a number of lady patronesses, and you are apt to receive one or several
+from some of them, if you are a rich young man, with a request to
+purchase. If the note states that you are expected to be a guest you are
+simply to answer it, as you would any other invitation, and certainly
+not to inclose any money. Patronesses frequently are named because it is
+expected that they will purchase quite a number of tickets. And here let
+me give a useful hint. In sending money to this and for charitable
+entertainments in general, always do it by check; never inclose bills.
+If you must use cash, keep it for your small tradespeople.
+
+Everything may be said to have its price at a Charity Ball. Supper is
+sometimes included with the ticket. The repast is usually rather poor,
+but then you must remember it is for charity. Perhaps you will be asked
+some time in advance by the patronesses to be one in the "grand march."
+The "grand march" proper is a form of exhibition long since relegated to
+balls of the "Tough Boys' Coterie" and other assemblages of the same
+class. But it has survived, in place of a lancers or quadrille of honor,
+at the Charity Ball, and we have either to go through with it or watch
+it from the boxes with Christian patience. If you are to take part, I
+would advise you to present yourself at the hall or opera house about
+nine o'clock. The floor manager will do the rest. You are to offer your
+left arm to the lady you are taking out, and you march around the place
+in regular line, sometimes once, sometimes twice, and the agony is over.
+The company assembled does not join in this ceremony, and the formation
+of figures and countermarches is an affair in vogue at balls of a
+different class, which I should imagine none of my readers would
+patronize or even "hear tell of," except through the newspapers.
+
+The Inauguration Ball in Washington, as well as the New Years'
+receptions at the different embassies' and secretaries' houses, are
+public functions to which the populace get admittance. They are crushes
+of the worst description, and at many of them refreshments are served.
+Except to make an obeisance to your distinguished host and hostess--if
+to the President, shaking hands with him--no other ceremony is needed.
+
+At Newport and at other watering places there are during the season
+semipublic dances at the Casino. Any one who subscribes to that place of
+amusement is entitled to all the social privileges. The tickets can be
+obtained from the secretary or his agent.
+
+In every city there is an assembly or dancing organization on the lines
+of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs in New York. This is in itself not
+original with the "Four Hundred"--vulgar term!--but was copied from the
+St. Cecilia, the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristocratic
+Charleston, where it has existed since the days of the Revolution. The
+assemblies proper in New York are called the Matriarchs. The
+arrangements are in the hands of a number of fashionable women instead
+of men. The plan of all these organizations is practically the same. In
+order to make matters easy and to pilot my reader through the
+intricacies of a fashionable ball, I will suppose that he is a stranger
+in New York, with some smart friends, and that he is going either to the
+Patriarchs' or to the Assembly. The rules laid down will hold good for
+other cities. Your first intimation may be while visiting at the house
+of one of the patrons or patronesses, when your hostess or host may ask
+you if you would like to go to the Assembly or the Patriarchs'. If you
+have no other engagement for that evening--and I think it would be
+policy for you to make others subservient to this--you should reply
+that you would be delighted to do so. Your host or hostess will then say
+that he or she will send you a ticket. This may be one way, or you may
+receive a note asking if you are free for that particular date, whether
+"would you like to go to the Assembly?" etc., or again, you might simply
+receive a note with a ticket. In any one of these cases, just as soon as
+you receive the ticket you must answer your correspondent immediately,
+accepting, or, if you can not go, regretting and returning it. You must
+remember that all tickets are personal and each Patriarch or each
+patroness has only a certain number.
+
+I would, if there were time between the date for the ball and the
+reception of your ticket, call or leave cards personally on your hostess
+or host for the evening, according to rules in a former chapter. I do
+not believe this is considered necessary in New York, and perhaps some
+people would think you were straining a point, but New York "society"
+manners to-day are not all that could be desired.
+
+The evening arrives. Balls and dances are theoretically supposed to
+begin at ten o'clock. You can safely go a little after eleven. You will
+be early enough. Your ticket is received, your hat and coat removed,
+your hat check given, and you proceed to the ballroom.
+
+It is almost needless for me to tell you how to dress for this occasion.
+At dances of any kind, formal evening dress is required.
+
+On entering the room, if it is at the Assembly, you will encounter a
+line of patronesses. You should make a low, sweeping bow to them and, if
+convenient, speak to your hostess, be it only a few words of greeting.
+If not at that time, select a later hour in the evening. No one shakes
+hands.
+
+You look around to find your friends and acquaintances. At the
+Patriarchs' the chaperons sit upon a raised platform, or dais, I might
+call it, all together. Their charges, once away from them, are around
+the rooms. In nearly all the cities, except New York, every guest is
+provided with a dancing card, which makes the keeping of dancing
+engagements a part of the festivity. New York is too large for such
+things, and dancing cards have been relegated to the realms of innocuous
+desuetude. However, if you are at a ball or a dance in another city
+where they are used, your first duty would be to have your engagements
+filled. You should remain with your partner after each dance until her
+next cavalier appears.
+
+New Yorkers are sensible, if only for this reason, for having banished
+the dance card. It is hard for a man to tell a woman he must leave her,
+but I think it is better by far to do so than to appear rude to your
+succeeding partner. A woman who has so little regard for you and such
+selfish consideration for herself does not deserve to be handled with
+gloves. And yet it needs a heroic soul to abandon her in a crowded
+ballroom, even if it is to lead her back to her chaperon.
+
+In New York everything is simplified. There exist no such social
+complications. Everybody is more or less grouped together, and you
+generally know in which part of the room you are to find your friends.
+You exchange greetings with the women you know, and if you wish to ask
+one of them to dance, you say, "May I have the pleasure of this turn
+with you?" or "Can I have a turn with you?" It is absolutely impossible
+to keep dance engagements, and you are obliged, perhaps, to snatch a
+dance whenever you can get it. After your turn you must always manage to
+stop at about the point where you began. You will be sure to find your
+partner's chaperon just at that place. There are two reasons for
+this--one is that the man with whom your partner has engaged weeks, if
+not months, before (one has to do this in New York) to dance the
+cotillon has reserved his chairs there, and she has told many of her
+friends just about in which part of the ballroom she may be found; and
+another is that New York women, under all circumstances, keep a
+distinctive place in a ballroom.
+
+A gentleman never dances without gloves. He always puts them on before
+entering the ballroom. A man should dance easily and gracefully, and
+look as if he were enjoying himself. He should be careful about guiding
+and not running into people. Swinging the hands is vulgar and unsightly.
+The waltz seems to survive all other forms of dancing, but there is
+every now and then a revival of the polka. Two steps and fancy dances
+are the vogue at summer hotels, but not at smart functions.
+
+The quadrille of to-day is the simple lancers, and some years ago it was
+a silly fad to pretend not to remember the figures. A little life and
+spirit are sometimes introduced in the lancers when the gathering is
+small, and among intimate friends there is more or less occasion for it.
+The barn dance has gone out of fashion entirely in America, but our
+English cousins, especially those living in the country and in Suburbia,
+are very fond of it. Balls frequently end with Sir Roger de Coverley,
+the English form of the Virginia reel.
+
+About two o'clock supper is announced, and this is done all over the
+world, I believe, by the strains of the Priests' March in Norma. So it
+was in my grandfather's day, and so it is to-day and was at the very
+last Patriarchs', the very last Assembly, and the very last large ball
+at Newport. Engagements for supper are made in New York weeks or even
+months beforehand. You should settle this with your partner, and as
+supper is served at tables of parties of four or six, an agreeable
+quartette or sextette can be secured. Parties are never less than four,
+and a girl who sups alone with a man, even at the Patriarchs', is
+considered very fast, and by such impudent behavior would lose caste.
+You should arrange with your partner, therefore, to be as near the
+supper-room door as possible about the supper hour. There is always a
+rush and a crush, and no tables are reserved except those for the
+patronesses or the Patriarchs. Two of the party should get in early and
+reserve the table and wait until the rest arrive. Ball suppers are
+nearly all alike. Four or five courses, which commence with oysters,
+are followed by bouillon, and then terrapin and birds, and salad and
+ices, fruit and coffee. Three kinds of wine are served, and champagne
+forms the chief. Many matrons even will not allow their daughters to go
+to supper without being chaperoned, and so when you ask your partner she
+will sometimes have her parents obtain the table. Should you be asked to
+the table of one of the patronesses, you will have a partner provided
+for you. Remember the first engagement should always be kept, and if a
+patroness should honor you with such an invitation, and you have made
+prior arrangements, you should at once explain by note your position,
+which will be a sufficient excuse to your would-be hostess.
+
+After supper the cotillon, or German, as it is sometimes called, is
+danced.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+THE COTILLON.
+
+
+At large balls, like the Patriarchs', there is hardly time for more than
+two or three figures and one favor figure. It is almost useless for me
+to go into the history of the cotillon, and I do not believe that it
+would be of any service to my readers. We imported it from France about
+the same time as the English, and it owes its origin, I believe, to
+Germany. For the past thirty years it has been a favorite form of dance.
+It is picturesque and amusing, and, besides, gives the opportunity for
+the exchange among the dancers of pretty trifles provided by the
+generosity of the host. At large semipublic balls like the Patriarchs'
+(I use "semipublic" simply because given by a number and not in a
+private house) the favors are very simple, but at special cotillons or
+at those danced at private houses they are extremely elaborate and
+costly.
+
+Cotillon seats are generally secured in the early part of the evening by
+tying handkerchiefs to the backs of the chairs. At the Patriarchs' and
+other large balls they can be secured by arrangement with one of the
+stewards, as each Patriarch has so many reserved for him, and the man
+invited by one of them can obtain permission and ask for two of his
+host's seats. But this is not usual, and is known as a "little trick of
+the trade."
+
+To be a successful leader of cotillons it requires the skill and the
+tact of a general--I might almost say of a Napoleon Bonaparte. One's
+talents should not be altogether in one's heels and one's toes. The
+leader must be an excellent dancer and a firm disciplinarian. He must
+see that the wall flowers have an occasional turn, and that every one
+gets at least one favor. As he has to marshal a large force of people he
+is bound to find among them--of course in the orthodox society manner--a
+few turbulent spirits, a few who would mutiny, and who must be taught
+their places in a conciliatory but positive manner.
+
+The cotillon in New York is generally danced after supper. It lasts
+about two hours. At large balls two figures are all that can be danced,
+owing to the number of guests. Sometimes it is led by two couples. A
+leader frequently dances stag--that is, without a partner. All men
+dancing without partners are called stags. These usually have their
+place by the door and are given their turn last. The leader must
+announce after supper the time for the cotillon to begin. He must see
+that the partners are all in their places. The favor table is generally
+placed at the end of the room opposite the doors, but this depends on
+the shape and the style of the apartment.
+
+Formerly a cotillon leader used a whistle for the different figures;
+to-day, however, he simply claps his hands to denote the changes.
+
+It is almost unnecessary here to illustrate the form of the cotillon. It
+consists in waltzes and sometimes polkas, danced by eight, ten, or
+twelve couples at a time. The couples are seated in chairs around the
+room, the men without partners known as the stags being near the door.
+The leader begins the first figure, which is usually the simplest one,
+by "taking out" or choosing a partner and motioning the first four, six,
+or eight couples with places nearest him on one or both sides of the
+room to rise. All waltz. After a turn around the room the leader stops
+and claps his hands. The partners all separate, and each of them goes
+and chooses a new one--the man a new woman, the woman who was his
+partner a new man. The figure is then arranged and danced. After the
+evolution required by the figure is finished there is another short
+waltz, and the dancers return to their places. The leader then calls out
+the next party, and this is repeated until every one in the room has had
+a turn. The stags are called out last. Having no partners to dance with,
+each has the privilege of taking out two ladies--the first before the
+figure is formed, and the second when the change of partners is
+signalled by the leader. The leader directs the figures and dances all
+the time.
+
+Every second figure is one for the distribution of favors. The same
+procedure occurs, and when the leader claps his hands the dancers
+separate, waiting for the favors to be distributed. The latest custom is
+for the leader and his partner to carry around the favors, to the
+couples whose turn comes next. He gives to the ladies, she to the men.
+The scramble at the favor table has been abolished. The men present
+their favors to the new partners whom they select, and the women do
+likewise. It is very embarrassing and not good form to give your favor
+to the partner with whom you are dancing the cotillon. Favors must be
+sufficient in quantity not only to go once all around, but there should
+be some left over, as the advent of the stags gives the ladies a double
+chance to bestow favors upon men. The most graceful way of offering a
+favor is to present it with a little bow. Try and locate the places
+where your friends are sitting. It is certainly rude, if not
+tantalizing, to search through a long row of girls dangling a favor. It
+is not difficult in the figures to become well acquainted with the local
+geography. Matrons are asked frequently to preside at the favor tables,
+but recently some of the floral trifles are brought in arranged in a
+sedan chair of flowers, at which two powdered lackeys are stationed,
+like the linkboys of old. Originality, however, has not been rampant in
+cotillons. Favor figures are the most popular. The woman who brings the
+greatest number of favors from a cotillon scores an undoubted triumph.
+She comes from the ballroom flushed and delighted, carrying with her the
+trophies of her victory, which she is pleased to call her "scalps."
+Social obligations are often paid off by men in this way.
+
+Of the few cotillon figures danced in New York society, the grand chain
+is the most popular and the simplest. The number of couples called by
+the leader form themselves in a ring around the room. At his signal
+they face each other and dance the right and left grand chain, the men
+to the right and the women to the left, until the original parties are
+brought together, when all waltz.
+
+The _Sir Roger de Coverley figure_ is formed in lines of four abreast,
+the men standing together on the inside, and the women next to their
+partners on the outside of the line. When the leader signals, the women
+advance quickly, one after the other, to the head of the line. The men
+then join hands, forming an arch, as in Sir Roger de Coverley; the
+women, passing under two by two, meeting their partners, waltz with
+them.
+
+In the snake figure--one which is very seldom danced--quite a large
+number of couples are called, who form a ring around the room. The
+leader, taking the hand of one of the men, breaks the chain, and the
+couples are wound around until they come together in a knot, when the
+signal is given to them to waltz. The wheel figure is somewhat similar,
+and is quite a romp.
+
+In the ring figure another evolution is borrowed from the lancers. Rings
+of four couples form through the room. The men raise their arms and the
+women pass through, dancing with the men in the next ring, and so on,
+until they get to the top of the room, the men remaining stationary.
+Then a grand march, men to the left, ladies to the right, is formed, and
+the partners meet and dance.
+
+The Maypole and all complicated figures which require the use of toys or
+_papier-mache_ articles are not in vogue in New York. In Paris these
+trifles, such as vegetables and heads of animals and other gewgaws, pass
+for favors, as well as to lend a variety to the cotillon. In New York
+very handsome souvenirs have superseded these.
+
+Frequently in large cotillons in New York the blank or nonfavor figures
+are danced only once without change of partners, as in the snake or
+grand chain; otherwise the cotillon would be interminable. The leader
+calls out a number of couples and goes through the figure at once, the
+original partners dancing all the time with each other. I have given
+both forms, and although the first explanation may seem to those who go
+out every year antiquated, it is still the vogue for small and
+consequently enjoyable cotillons.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+A BACHELOR'S LETTERS.
+
+
+Letter writing is an art, and there is no pleasure equal to that of
+receiving and reading a chatty and well-worded epistle from some dear
+friend. I have some packets of letters preserved to-day that I read and
+reread. They are always fresh and interesting to me. They are a complete
+index to the character of the writer, and they serve, after long years
+have passed, to bring up again delightful pictures of days and scenes
+which were brighter. However, there is one rule a man must observe:
+never keep a compromising letter--if you should receive one--especially
+from a woman. Sometimes women are foolish and careless, and they allow
+their pens to run away with them. They bitterly regret their folly, and
+the very idea that there exists somewhere a packet of letters which
+would bring serious trouble, if not ruin, upon them and those they love,
+is a cause of constant grief and worry. I know that there are letters
+written by one once dear, but now perhaps turned fickle or false, or
+separated from us forever, from which we feel loath to part; but we must
+be men and reduce to ashes what would hurt in the very least degree or
+cast a reflection upon an innocent if silly woman. Suppose you were to
+die suddenly, and among your papers these letters were found, with you
+alone, dumb in death, perhaps, only able to vindicate the unfortunate
+writer. We must think of those things. They belong to the _personnel_
+not only of a true gentleman, but they appeal to our common sense.
+
+Character is frequently judged by handwriting. Write a good, clear,
+legible hand, without any flourishes, and always use the best and the
+blackest of ink. The typewriter is employed only for business
+correspondence.
+
+For social correspondence use only Irish-linen white note paper,
+unruled, with square envelopes to match. Fancy or tinted note paper of
+any kind is vulgar. If you have a permanent residence your address can
+be legibly engraved in one color, usually blue or scarlet, at the head
+of the first sheet. If you are a member of a club, the club note paper
+is proper for all social correspondence. If you want to, use your crest
+in lieu of address, but this practice is somewhat strained in this
+country. Always add the date in writing. In letters, the day, the month,
+and the year should be written. In notes you only put the day--for
+instance, "Saturday the twenty-second." The best signature is "Sincerely
+yours," and not "Yours sincerely." In England the quaint "Faithfully
+yours" is used for business correspondence. Tradespeople and servants
+only sign "Respectfully yours."
+
+In America we "esquire" all men who are our equals. A butcher, a baker,
+a tailor or other person, when we order supplies, we address as "Mr."
+The abbreviation "Esq." is the usual form. In England you would write to
+a duke and address the letter "The Duke of Buckingham"; to a knight,
+"Sir Thomas Appleby"; to an earl or a marquis, "Lord Dufferin"--that is,
+supposing the letter would be a social one.
+
+In writing to a friend or in answer to an invitation or a note, you
+would begin, "My dear Mrs. Brown," "My dear Mr. Brown," or even "My dear
+Brown," but never "Dear Miss Brown," "Dear Mrs. Brown," or "Dear Brown,"
+unless you were on terms of great intimacy with them. But if the letter
+is a strictly business one, and the term "Sir" or "Sirs" is used, then
+you would be obliged to drop the possessive pronoun. A very formal or a
+business letter would begin thus:
+
+     _John Smith, Esq.,_
+        _# 22 Pacific Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y._
+
+     _Dear Sir_:
+
+and not "My dear Sir."
+
+A business letter to a woman demands, however, the possessive "My,"
+thus: "My dear Madam."
+
+To a firm, one writes:
+
+     _Messrs. John Smith & Co.,_
+        _Dear Sirs_:
+
+and never "Gentlemen"--a most ridiculous form of address.
+
+The clergy are addressed "Reverend and dear Sir." A bishop is "Right
+Reverend and dear Sir," and an archbishop "Most Reverend and dear Sir."
+In this republican country all other dignitaries can be addressed as
+"Dear Sir."
+
+Formal invitations are written in the third person, also letters
+addressed to tradespeople.
+
+The address on a letter should be written about the middle of the
+envelope, the street and number a little to the right, and the name of
+the city and State in the corner. All notes or letters to people in the
+same city should be directed simply with the post-office name without
+the State, unless it is a very small town, or it bears a name such as
+Augusta or Columbus, of which there are more than one in the United
+States. Thus:
+
+     _Mrs. John Brown,_
+        _# 227 Euclid Avenue,_
+                    _Cleveland._
+
+The stamp should be placed neatly in the right-hand corner. The mail
+to-day is almost the quickest means of delivery, and a special ten-cent
+stamp will insure, in a large city, a more prompt reception of your
+epistle than if you intrusted it to the tender mercies of a messenger
+boy.
+
+Your paper should fold once in the middle. There is nothing so awkward
+or so apt to give a bad impression as a letter improperly folded. It is
+bulky and unsightly. Private letters should always be sealed with wax,
+in color dark green or red. Black is used for mourning. In sealing a
+letter be careful to make a neat effect, and not to smear the wax all
+over the envelope. The seal is then stamped with your monogram, or, if
+you insist upon it, with your crest, but never with your coat of arms.
+For the purpose of sealing letters men use their seal rings or a little
+stamp which can be obtained at any silversmith's. When writing from the
+club you can use the club stamp. Business letters are moistened and
+gummed, a little damp sponge being used for this purpose. To moisten
+envelopes with the tongue is nasty.
+
+Letters written on hotel or business paper should be confined to the
+commercial world. Your friends and acquaintances should not receive
+them. Sometimes, when writing from a very interesting place to a very
+intimate friend or to relatives, hotel paper may be used, as you would
+like your correspondent to see a picture of the house at which you are
+stopping.
+
+Every gentleman should, however, carry in his portmanteau a flat
+portfolio with writing materials and a traveling inkstand.
+
+Your personal correspondence should be a reflection of yourself. Be
+pithy, bright, and witty. Give the news and innocent gossip, but beware
+of making statements in letters which you can not substantiate. Above
+all, think twice before you pen a harsh or an unkind word, even if a
+reproof be merited.
+
+In business letters be brief and to the point.
+
+There are two kinds of letters which sometimes puzzle the
+writer--letters of condolence and letters of congratulation. A letter of
+condolence--as will be explained in the chapter on Funerals--is due from
+you at the death of a near or dear friend to the relative or
+relatives--if you feel that you know them all well enough to address
+more than one epistle of sympathy--nearest and dearest to the deceased.
+Usually one letter is sufficient, but sometimes it may occur that you
+feel that you should also write to others. Make it as natural as
+possible. Avoid all stilted phrases and studied efforts at consolation.
+A few words is all that is necessary. If you have been on intimate terms
+with the family wire them your sympathy, and write a week or so
+afterward.
+
+Letters of congratulation are much easier to compose. On the occasion of
+the announcement of an engagement of a friend, or in answer to his
+letter announcing the happy event, or on the arrival of any good fortune
+to those of whom you are fond or for whom you have a high regard, a
+letter of congratulation is necessary or acceptable. All letters
+announcing sad or joyous news should receive an immediate reply.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+THE BACHELOR'S CLUB.
+
+
+Club life in America is a growth of recent years. It is now so firmly
+established, and it is so popular that there is not a village or even a
+settlement in the United States which has not at least its casino, or
+its little coterie organized for golf, tennis, athletic, or merely
+social enjoyment. All of these, from the great metropolitan clubs of the
+cities down to the very humblest in the "wilds," are governed by club
+laws and are regulated by club etiquette. In New York, now a city of
+clubs, this etiquette differs much from that observed in London, Paris,
+or any of the large continental centers. In London, a man is identified
+with his club. He rarely belongs to more than one, and his membership
+there denotes his social standing, his pursuits in life, and, above all,
+his politics. English clubs are also very jealous of admittance of
+strangers, and are not in the least hospitable to the foreigner. There
+are exceptions to this among the literary, theatrical, and Bohemian
+organizations, but the Pall Mall clubs are "closed." In New York,
+Boston, Chicago, and other American cities there are organizations which
+insist upon certain qualifications, such as being a university man, a
+lawyer, an author, a physician, or a member of a college fraternity, for
+admittance; but then the members also belong to other clubs, where their
+social standing, or perhaps the extent of their bank account, is their
+passport.
+
+If a man wishes to get on socially, he should belong to at least one
+good club. It gives him his standing in the community, and places him.
+He is no longer on the list of the unidentified.
+
+When a choice is made of a club which you desire to join, the next step
+would be to have two members in good standing to act as your
+sponsors--one proposes your name and the other seconds. A good sponsor
+is necessary, and you should choose one who has many friends in the
+organization of which you desire to become a member. The president,
+officers, and the governing committee are debarred from either proposing
+or seconding a name for membership. The term of a man's novitiate
+depends upon the state of the waiting list. Your proposer will notify
+you when your name will be reached, as he himself will be notified in
+writing by the committee on membership. The rules of candidacy differ in
+various clubs. In some, the name of the candidate with those of the two
+members proposing him is exposed in a conspicuous place where the entire
+club can see it. There is also a book in which other members sign the
+application, and the number of signatures, of course, has weight with
+the governors.
+
+Again, the name is inscribed in a book kept for the purpose in the
+steward's office, and it is not necessary that any other indorsement
+except that of your sponsors be made.
+
+Any member objecting to the name of a candidate has two methods by which
+he can make known his objection. One is to write directly to the
+governors, or to the committee on admissions and membership, whichever,
+according to the laws of the club, has the matter in hand. Usually it is
+the governing committee or board of governors. This communication is
+treated, as are all club matters, with the secrecy of the confessional.
+Your sponsors are written to and the objections stated, but the name of
+the person objecting is withheld. The other method is, if any one has an
+objection to your admission, that he should go at once in a manly way to
+one of your sponsors and state it. It is a rare occurrence in a New York
+club that any candidate is black-balled. The warning from the governing
+committee, or from another member to the sponsors, is a word to the
+wise, and the men who propose you should immediately withdraw your name
+to avoid a disaster. Otherwise a very great risk is run, as objections
+which have any foundation have great weight with the governing
+committee.
+
+In the clubs where the names of the candidates are kept only in a small
+book, while on the waiting list they are posted ten days before the
+election in a conspicuous part of the clubhouse. No candidate can be
+elected to a club who is not personally known to two or more members of
+the governing committee. A short time before election, if the candidate
+has not this acquaintance, it is the duty of his sponsors to take him
+around and introduce him, or to arrange that he will meet these
+gentlemen in some way; otherwise his name will go over; and after two
+setbacks of this kind, it will be rejected.
+
+On the election of a candidate--the balloting being done by the
+governing committee--the sponsors are notified, sometimes by posting and
+otherwise simply by letter. The secretary of the club will let the new
+member know immediately of his election, and the letter, which is
+usually a form, will also notify him that his admission fee and yearly
+dues are payable. The admission or entrance fee to a club is from one
+hundred to two hundred dollars in the well-known New York organizations,
+and the yearly dues are from seventy-five to one hundred dollars. These
+must be paid at once by check. The rules of most clubs allow a
+thirty-day limit. If you are so fortunate as to be admitted after the
+date of the yearly meeting, you will only be liable for one half the
+current yearly dues; otherwise you pay the entire amount.
+
+It is now the duty of the sponsors to introduce their newly elected
+candidate to the club. This is an easy matter. One of them will go with
+you, sit in the general smoking or lounging room, and make you
+acquainted with one or two of his friends. The responsibility is then
+over.
+
+Club etiquette is very simple. It is only the application of the usual
+rules of courtesy observed in private life. The club is your home. You
+should behave there as you would in your own house as host, and
+consequently your conduct toward your fellow-members should be
+characterized by the utmost consideration.
+
+The average clubhouse has a large room on the ground or first floor
+which is used for smoking, reading, the newspapers, and "living"
+generally. On the floors above there are the dining rooms, the library,
+and reading and card rooms. The billiard room occupies a special
+quarter, according to the plan of the house.
+
+A clever man said that there was but one rule of clubhouse etiquette
+different from the general laws of manners, and that was to keep your
+hat on. This is true, but then there are many others. Men do not take
+off their hats on entering a club, and do not remove them in any room
+except that in which they dine. All social clubs are more or less
+"closed." Visitors are only allowed under certain restrictions. The
+general rule is that a member may invite to the use of the club for a
+period of ten consecutive days any one not a resident of the city, but
+can have no more than one guest at a time. No stranger shall be
+introduced a second time unless he shall have been absent from the city
+three months. In some clubs a member may introduce as a visitor a
+resident of the city, but he can have no more than one such guest at a
+time. No person shall be introduced more than once in twelve months.
+Other clubs are open to the admission of visitors at certain periods,
+and others again have ladies' days, at which a reception to the fair
+friends of the members is given. All this depends on the rules of the
+club. As soon as you are made a member you are given a little book in
+which these are contained, and you should study them carefully. The name
+of a guest should be entered on the visitors' book with that of his
+host. If the visitor is put up for a certain period a card to the club
+is sent him, and during his stay he has all the privileges of a member.
+He can run up an account, but he should certainly settle it before his
+term expires, otherwise his host will be held responsible.
+
+A clubman never pays an attendant for refreshment or food served.
+Gratuities of any kind to servants are forbidden. When refreshment is
+required, you press the electric bell, of which there are a number in
+all the rooms, and the attendant comes to you for your order. When he
+brings it he has with it a check which you sign. These checks are, of
+course, debited to you, and you receive your bill once a month, or you
+can make arrangements to pay at the steward's or cashier's desk daily.
+
+You order your meals in the same manner, and when they are ready, the
+servant will notify you.
+
+At most of the clubs smoking is not permitted in the dining rooms until
+after nine, nor are refreshments allowed to be served in the visitors'
+room or library at any time. Books and magazines are not to be removed
+from the reading room or library, nor any publication belonging to the
+club from the clubhouse.
+
+There is still a prejudice against pipe smoking in many of the clubs,
+and you must consult the rules before you attempt this practice. A man
+does not remove his coat or sit in his shirtsleeves in any of the public
+rooms. An allowance, however, is made in the billiard room.
+
+The loud-voiced man is one of the nuisances of a club. Loud talking may
+be endured in the smoking or general room, but certainly not in the
+library or the reading rooms.
+
+The "kicker" is another objectionable person. He should remember that
+the best way of rectifying abuses is to send to the house committee all
+complaints of any deficiency in the service of the club, of overcharges,
+mistakes, or defects. The club is not a place to conduct one's
+commercial interests. Invitations and special correspondence can be
+conducted on club paper, but certainly it is a breach of club etiquette
+to use it for business purposes.
+
+The man who bows to a woman from a club window is not a gentleman. By
+this action he fastens upon her the most disgraceful odium one of her
+sex can bear.
+
+The name of a woman should never be whispered in a club unless it is to
+say something complimentary of her. Even this is not in good taste.
+
+It is not club etiquette to "treat." You can do so if you desire, but
+you are not obliged to follow this inane custom, which is born of
+bar-room ethics.
+
+All the affairs of a club must be regarded in strict confidence. Under
+no consideration should that which has occurred within these sacred
+portals be divulged to outsiders.
+
+Once a year--usually at Christmas--a subscription is taken up for the
+employees and servants. From five to ten dollars is the proper amount to
+give.
+
+A few clubs have a ladies' restaurant attached, where members may take
+their families or give dinners, or where the wives of members have the
+privilege of giving luncheons or other entertainments. Otherwise ladies
+are not admitted to the privileges of the clubhouse, except on ladies'
+days, and where there is an "annex" they can only avail themselves of
+that part set aside for their convenience upon the authority of a
+member.
+
+These rules pertaining to the general government of clubs have been
+compiled from the constitution and by-laws of the Union, Metropolitan,
+Knickerbocker, Calumet, and Manhattan Clubs of New York. The
+constitutions of the Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, Chicago, San
+Francisco, and other clubs are almost identical.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+THE SPORTING BACHELOR.
+
+
+_Driving._--Driving really comprises coaching as well as the tandem.
+
+A man who has any pretensions whatever to keeping his own horses or
+driving should be judged by the appearance of his traps. He submits
+himself to what one, to-day, might call the X-ray of criticism. He
+enters a field, and he must be weighed in the balance and his position
+defined by the standard of his associates. I know of no other city in
+the world where there are better groomed horses and better turned out
+equipages than in New York. The American in Hyde Park is shocked at the
+appearance of the traps in that famous driveway of fashion, and his
+national pride is gratified by observing that the smartest are of
+American makes. As to Paris, it is simply beyond the pale of criticism,
+the private turnouts, such as they are, being almost lost in a sea of
+dirty, disgraceful _fiacres_.
+
+In the first place, your horses must be well groomed, their hoofs
+blackened, and their tails properly banged. I do not intend here to
+enter a discussion concerning the cruelty of docking horses' tails. The
+social law is without exception. Horses with long tails are impossible.
+I believe banging is not accompanied by any physical pain.
+
+The harness, the trap itself, the coachman, and groom or grooms should
+be as immaculate as the horses. There should not be a single item out of
+gear. Every detail must be perfect. Choose some individual color for
+your traps, and never change the colors of your stable any more than you
+would your liveries. I have discussed fully in the chapter on Servants
+the duties of coachmen and grooms, and I refer the reader to that
+section of this book for information concerning liveries and the human
+_personnel_ of your trap.
+
+As to the color of your horses you should consult the fashion of the
+moment. To-day grays and bays are matched, and a person in half mourning
+recently appeared on a leading thoroughfare with a black trap and
+harness and white horses.
+
+A bachelor, however, should court simplicity, and I do not even approve
+of an equipage with two men on the box for an unmarried man. In fact I
+do not know of a single bachelor who has such a turnout.
+
+A coach, a tandem, a drag, or any of the array of fashionable carts, or
+a private hansom should limit the list.
+
+Coolness and absolute confidence are the requisite virtues of good
+driving.
+
+The driver salutes always with the whip; those on the coach with him or
+in the trap bow.
+
+Dress for driving in the city is usually that of afternoon, and a high
+hat is indispensable. Sometimes the huge gray coats with large buttons
+and a gray topper are worn. Dogskin driving gloves and driving boots
+complete the costume. In the country one wears tweed or Scotch cheviot
+and a Derby hat. The man who drives mounts last, his horses' heads being
+held by the groom. His whip should be in its socket; the reins loosely
+thrown over the horses' backs. He should spring into his seat and start
+immediately.
+
+There is a certain smartness in driving, in the way you manage your
+whip, your horses, and the many other details, which it is the province
+of a good master of the sport to teach you.
+
+The fashionable hour for driving in New York is from three to five, and
+the drive the Park. At Newport one drives both in the morning and
+evening.
+
+Remember, however, that the secret of your mastery over your stables
+should be your perfect knowledge of every detail. If you are a novice
+you should begin by learning the name and use of each part of your
+harness. You should be able to tell at a glance if everything is right,
+and you can not be too severe if anything is out of gear or the animals
+are not properly groomed. The best position on the box is a firm seat
+with your feet close together. Drive with one hand and keep the whip
+hand free, except for its legitimate use in touching your horses now and
+then, and in saluting.
+
+A man always sits with his back to the horses in a Victoria, or any
+other four-seated vehicle, when there are two ladies with him. When
+there is only one he sits by her side. He alights first with a view to
+assisting the ladies. He gets in last.
+
+It is not good form in New York for unmarried couples to drive together,
+unaccompanied by a chaperon. It is permitted at Newport and the country
+and seaside resorts, but a groom always sits on the back seat. In this
+case the woman is frequently the whip.
+
+A man and a woman may drive together in the city in a hansom, although
+this is considered unconventional. Buggy driving is not in vogue in New
+York.
+
+_Riding_, since the advent of the wheel, is not as fashionable an
+amusement in cities as formerly.
+
+Riding classes, which meet two evenings during the week, usually in the
+Lenten season, are still very popular. These gatherings take place at a
+riding academy, and a competent riding master is in charge.
+
+When riding with a woman, a man should always be at her right. A woman's
+riding habit falls to the left and she is mounted from the left. In
+assisting her to mount, which, even when a groom is present, is the
+gallant thing to do, a man should grasp the bridle with the left hand
+and hold his right so that she can step into it. The woman puts her left
+foot, therefore, in a man's right hand, and holds to the pommel with her
+right hand. The escort gives his arm a slight spring, and with a
+corresponding action on the part of the fair equestrienne, she is
+lifted into the saddle. The man faces the near side of the horse, or the
+left. He takes the reins in his right hand and with it grasps the pommel
+of the saddle, shortening the reins until he feels the mouth of the
+horse. He inserts the left foot in the stirrup and springs into the
+saddle.
+
+In speaking of a pommel, I wish it understood that the English saddle is
+used, which has no visible pommel, but that part of it is still called
+by the name in lieu of another term.
+
+A good rider should never mount from a horse block or a fence. The
+English mode of riding is fashionable. The smart pace is a short canter.
+In trotting, a man may rise to the trot. Squaring the elbows is a trifle
+vulgar and obsolete. In meeting acquaintances, a man should bow. A man
+accompanying a lady should always keep pace with her, and never either
+go ahead or let his horse fall behind. A man riding alone should never
+pass or catch up with a woman unattended.
+
+When one rides in New York it is only in the morning. Afternoon riding
+in the Park is not the vogue it was. The New Yorker dislikes to dress up
+in any special costume, so that for years the fashionable afternoon
+riding costume was a black cutaway or morning coat, ordinary trousers
+strapped under the ordinary walking boot, top hat, and gloves, but the
+present riding costume for the morning in New York and the country
+consists of whipcord or corduroy riding breeches and jacket, brown
+leather waistcoat, brown Derby hat, boots or leggings, and dark gloves.
+You can wear this in the afternoon, but the ordinary costume is
+considered smarter and more convenient. Men in New York only ride in the
+Park, and many of them do not belong to riding academies or have
+lockers. A complete change of costume is not convenient, and you never
+see a New York clubman on the streets in riding togs. The evening
+classes always end with a supper and a dance. The woman's habit is
+easily changed, but to appear at night in riding costume or with boots
+in a drawing room is certainly absurd. To wear evening dress on
+horseback, even a Tuxedo coat, is also outlandish, and thus the
+compromise has been effected, and the old black diagonal cutaway brought
+into use.
+
+_Riding to hounds_ requires special knowledge as to the rules and the
+etiquette of the different hunts. These vary. The meet is generally at
+some farm or country house, and you are expected to appear in the
+regulation hunt colors. The orthodox costume is morning coat, white or
+fancy waistcoat, riding breeches, top boots, crop, top hat, and hunting
+scarf. The master of the hounds should wear a red or scarlet frock coat
+and hunting cap. After the hunt there is a breakfast, and several times
+during the year a ball. At the latter festivity, members of the club
+should wear their scarlet evening coats.
+
+_Coaching_ is yet another of the intricate arts. I will give a few
+points to the novice. The place of honor is the box seat and should be
+given to a lady, when ladies are of the party.
+
+If a bachelor is a good whip, a coaching party is an excellent way for
+him to entertain. The start should be from some fashionable locality in
+town, and eight or ten is a large party. It is needless for me to call
+the attention of a whip to the importance of his drag and horses and
+appointments being perfect. During the progress of the coach the guard
+who sits in the rear blows his horn at regular intervals. A bugle or
+cornet is not good form, although I have heard it in small towns.
+
+It may seem elementary, but for the requirements of those who have never
+coached I might as well state that the guests sit on the top and not
+inside the coach. A neat and serviceable team may be made with two
+browns as leaders and a brown and a bay as wheelers. To the novice the
+names of these will indicate their position.
+
+A coaching route should be about ten to fifteen miles. A halt is made at
+a country club, of which the host is a member, or a hotel, where
+luncheon is served. The _menu_ consists of the usual comestibles with
+plenty of champagne. Two hours altogether are allowed for rest, and then
+the start homeward is made. The whip should wear driving costume, with
+gray or black high hat. The men guests can be dressed in morning
+costume, tweeds, and Derby hats, unless the occasion is one of
+formality, such as a coaching parade, when one should don afternoon
+dress. The general etiquette of driving applies to coaching.
+
+_Wheeling_ is the popular and fashionable amusement at present writing,
+and it bids fair to continue so until quite late in the twentieth
+century. As yet there are no special rules of etiquette for this new
+sport, except that which would govern its dress. Otherwise there are the
+rules of the road--keeping and turning to the right--and the extending
+by gentlemen of those civilities which they should never forget to the
+fair sex, and consideration for their fellow-men. A man should always
+wait for a lady to mount, holding the bicycle. He should ride at her
+left, keeping pace with her, and sufficiently near to be of assistance
+in case of an accident. He should dismount first and help her to do so
+if necessary. The present fashionable costume for cycling consists of
+tweed knickers and short lounge jacket of same material, brown leather
+or linen waistcoat, colored shirt, with white turn-down collar and club
+tie, golf stockings, and low-quartered tan wheeling shoes. A cap of
+tweed to match the suit completes the rig. At cycling clubs black small
+clothes with dinner jacket may be worn, but as yet it is not the
+prevailing fashion.
+
+In summer very natty wheeling costumes are made of linen or crash.
+
+One word more as to wheeling. Owing to its popularity, many have sought
+to make it vulgar and common. An idea that a man has the privilege of
+addressing any woman on a bicycle is most erroneous. You would not offer
+such an impertinence to an equestrienne, and you must remember that a
+"wheel" is only a metal horse. To catch up with or pass unchaperoned or
+unescorted women wheelers is as much a breach of etiquette as to be
+guilty of the same vulgarity toward an unaccompanied Amazon.
+
+_Shooting_ deserves a few words, although shooting parties in the
+acceptance of the foreign and British entertainments have as yet but few
+counterparts in this country. Men chase the aniseed bag or an imported
+fox when riding to hounds, and when they take gun in hand it is for the
+purpose of hunting big game, such as one would obtain in the
+Adirondacks, in the Rockies, in the Southern swamp lands, and in the
+wilderness of Canada. In England you may be invited for the shooting.
+The start is in the morning, in a party accompanied by the gamekeepers.
+The birds are flurried, the guns are loaded by your special attendant,
+and you only pause in your work of destruction for luncheon, which is
+served somewhere in the woods or on the moors. You are expected to be at
+the house about four, where, after changing your clothes, you appear in
+the drawing room for tea. You are cautioned in these parties, in order
+to avoid accident, before crossing a hedge, gate, or any other obstacle,
+to remove your cartridges. You are to be unusually careful in the manner
+of holding your gun, and should certainly not flourish it around or
+point it at any living thing, save that which it is intended to kill.
+Guns used as walking sticks or props to take flying leaps or other
+extraordinary purposes are the assinine diversions of some idiots. In
+England a position is assigned to you. It is etiquette to remain in it,
+shooting in a liberal and sportsmanlike spirit, accepting shots as they
+come. The gamekeepers expect a tip at the end of the visit. The correct
+dress is loose jacket, knicker corduroy breeches, stout ribbed
+stockings, and box-cloth leggings. Heavy russet boots and a cloth
+shooting cap are also worn.
+
+_Bowls_ is a favorite game in the country, and during the Lenten season
+in New York, where there are a number of clubs formed for its enjoyment.
+
+Although the sessions are in the evening, the men dress at clubs in
+_mufti_ or _neglige_, the golf or cycling suits being the favorites.
+When you are asked to play bowls at a private house, and when there is a
+dance to follow, or when you are asked to a "bowling party," it is
+perhaps better form to wear your dinner jacket or Tuxedo, as there will
+be supper and dancing afterward. The presence of ladies will not deter
+you from wearing on an occasion like this demitoilet or dinner jacket,
+as there is a certain informality about all athletic sports. The same
+may be said of _badminton_, another favorite Lenten game, played
+somewhat after the manner of tennis. The difference is that instead of
+racquet and ball, battledore and shuttlecock are used.
+
+For _skating_, even at a rink on artificial ice, golf costume or _mufti_
+is good form.
+
+_Polo_ has likewise no code of etiquette not connected with the rules of
+the game. The dress for polo includes buckskin knee breeches, flannel or
+madras shirt with low turn-down collar, top riding boots, and polo cap.
+
+
+YACHTING, BOATING, BATHING, TENNIS, AND RACING.
+
+A yacht in commission is the most expensive and luxurious toy a man can
+have. No one but a millionaire can afford it. True, as in other
+possessions, there are degrees, and consequently there are yachts and
+yachts. Only large schooner or steam yachts, however, are adaptable for
+entertaining. A man's yacht is indeed his castle, and the host has only
+to follow the rules which govern social functions to be perfect in this
+delightful method of entertaining. Yet there are a few little details of
+which it would be prudent to speak. The proper entertainments for a
+yacht in harbor are luncheons, dinners, dances, and short cruises. None
+of these should be elaborate, the yacht itself--a thing of joy and
+beauty--being alone a great attraction.
+
+Your sailors should meet the people invited at the dock in the cutter,
+and row them to the place where your yacht rides at anchor. You should
+be at the gangway ready to receive them. The same order should be
+observed on their leaving.
+
+During a club cruise there are several formalities to be observed. You
+are then as if under military or naval orders. The commodore should be
+treated with the same consideration as an admiral. You should not appear
+before him except in the uniform of the club, and you should always
+salute him on passing, and he should have precedence at all
+entertainments.
+
+Yachting dress for men consists in either blue flannel or serge suit, or
+weather pilot or pea-jacket of rough cloth or "witney," or blue serge or
+flannel coat with naval white duck trousers. The cap, blue or white
+cloth or duck. White flannels are also worn, but they are not so
+appropriate. In the evening, usual formal landsman's costume.
+
+There are a few rules of practical yachting which are so intimately
+connected with etiquette that, although it is not exactly in my
+province, I propose to give a summary of them here; they may be useful,
+and may serve my reader a good turn. I take the regulations of the New
+York Yacht Club for my guide. It is without doubt the leading yachting
+organization of this country.
+
+When on a cruise, all yachts belonging to a club should hoist their
+colors at eight o'clock A. M. and haul them down at sunset, taking time
+from the senior officer present in port, if there should be one. Between
+sunset and colors they should carry a night pennant. Guns should only be
+fired on setting or hauling down the colors, except by the yacht giving
+the time, nor between sunset and colors, nor on Sunday, and the rules of
+many yacht clubs insist on these formalities being observed whether a
+yacht is on a cruise or not.
+
+The senior officer in port should be in command, and should make colors
+and sunset and return salutes and visits, etc. His yacht should remain
+the station vessel until a senior to him in rank arrives, when such
+senior should assume the duties of the anchorage.
+
+Flag officers should display their pennants while in commission, except
+when absent for more than forty-eight hours. In this case their private
+signal should be hoisted. A blue rectangular flag at the starboard
+spreader should be displayed when the owner is not on board.
+
+All salutes should be returned in kind. Yachts of all clubs should
+always salute vessels of the United States Navy. Yachts passing at sea
+should salute each other, juniors saluting first. This is done by
+dipping the ensign three times or by firing a gun, followed by dipping
+the ensign. Arriving in harbor after sunset or on Sunday the salute
+should be made the first thing next morning.
+
+When a squadron or a cruising expedition enters a port or anchorage and
+finds there a foreign yacht, the senior officer of the squadron or
+cruise should send its owner a tender of the civilities of the club. All
+vessels are considered foreign not belonging to the interstate squadron,
+or to a club not included in the association of yachts to which your
+vessel and you belong.
+
+Of course I have only skimmed through the sailing and saluting
+regulations. You are supposed to have a book of your club, which will
+give them to you, and you are bound to follow the rules laid down
+therein.
+
+As a rule, the commodore of a yacht club wears on his cap an anchor one
+inch and a half in diameter, placed horizontally, embroidered in gold,
+with a silver star of half an inch diameter at each end of and above the
+anchor. A vice commodore wears only a single star; captains two crossed
+foul anchors. The dress uniform of most yacht clubs is a plain blue or
+black dress coat, a white dress waistcoat, each with the club button in
+gilt; blue or white trousers with cravat black or white. The undress
+consists of a double-breasted sack coat of blue cloth, serge, or
+flannel, blue or white waistcoat, each with the black club button;
+trousers of same material, or of white drill. The commodore has five
+black silk stripes on his cuff, the vice commodore four, the rear
+commodore three, the captain and other officers two, and the members
+one.
+
+Your crew should wear shirts of blue flannel or white linen with wide
+blue cuffs and collars, stitched with blue or white thread.
+Handkerchiefs should be of black silk, caps of blue cloth without visor;
+straw hats with black ribbon can be used for summer. The name of the
+yacht must be worked on the breast of the shirt, or printed upon the
+band of the cap or the ribbon of the hat. The trousers should be of
+blue flannel or white linen duck. No braces are worn.
+
+
+GOLF.
+
+The etiquette of golf is incorporated, more or less, with the
+technicalities of the rules governing the game. I do not intend to go
+into these, but to give a few hints to the novice, to prevent him, if
+possible, committing solecisms.
+
+Golf has a vocabulary of its own. The "grounds" on which the game is
+played is a stretch of rather rough country, abounding in hills,
+hillocks, and sandy downs, and is known by no other name but the
+"links."
+
+The game is usually played by two persons, but it can be by more. It
+consists in driving a ball, small and black, or painted red for the
+winter snows, along a route laid out by a series of holes to a goal,
+with a selection of clubs with metal ends. A small boy carries these
+clubs around for the players. He is called the "caddie."
+
+The clubs have various names and various uses. They are for propelling
+or driving the ball, according to the rules of the game. They are the
+driver, long spoon, short spoon, putter, iron putter, cleek, iron,
+niblick, brassey, lofting iron, and mashie.
+
+A "tee" is a small mound of sand or earth upon which the ball rests. As
+before explained, the ball is propelled or driven from the tee into one
+of the holes. The term "putting" is applied to the locality in which
+this operation of driving the ball into the hole takes place.
+
+The etiquette of the spectator is embraced in the common-sense essential
+of being an onlooker and nothing more. Silence is golden. Advice and
+comment, should you profess to know anything about the game, are brazen.
+Be considerate; do not interfere with the comfort of the players. As at
+billiards, the stroke should be made in utter silence. The golf "links"
+is not a place for criticism, and if you are allowed to follow the
+players around, you must control your feelings alike when enthusiastic
+or when contemptuous. Besides being a breach of good manners, remember
+that golf is more or less an outdoor game of whist.
+
+Golf is the easiest game at which to cheat, but as it is a sport in the
+_repertoire_ of a gentleman, it would seem almost an insult to hint at
+such a contingency. However, apart from the moral effect of cheating at
+any game, if a man is dead to all sense of honor, he should be alive to
+the fear of being found out. Such discovery means social ostracism.
+
+The proper golf costume is based on common sense. The man who rigs
+himself up for this or any other sport in what he considers the most
+approved style is either a very bad player or a novice. The
+championships have been won by men wearing their ordinary street
+costumes or business lounge suits. The English and Scotch golf dress,
+however, is sack coat, knickers without leather extensions, and a plain
+tweed shooting cap. The shirt is white madras, soft, unstarched bosom,
+with a golf stock or Ascot. Golf shoes or boots are of heavy russet or
+black leather. The hose has a long ribbed top, which is turned over,
+forming a sort of heavy band on the calf of the leg. It is made of heavy
+worsted, plain or ribbed. This costume will do for winter in the English
+climate, when you can not employ too heavy tweeds in the north and west.
+The American costume, however, is made of lighter tweeds for the spring
+and autumn, and of brown linen or holland for the summer. As yet, except
+in one or two localities, golf is not generally played in winter, except
+by enthusiasts.
+
+At a match, golfers wear their club uniform coats, which are made of
+hunting pink with brass buttons. The club dress uniform is full and
+proper dress for all golf functions, such as dinners and dances and
+receptions. For golf club evening functions, black silk or lisle thread
+stockings and pumps and black knickers would be appropriate dress. This
+will be regulated by the rules of the club.
+
+
+BOATING AND BATHING, TENNIS AND RACING.
+
+But a word, and this on costume. The proper dress in England, where
+boating is a social amusement, is the blazer madras shirt with white
+linen all-around collars and madras cuffs, same material as shirt, white
+duck trousers, and straw hat with colored ribbons.
+
+For bathing, the present ocean costume is all plain, one dark-color
+two-piece suits, short trousers coming to the knees, and jersey with
+very short sleeves.
+
+For tennis, which I have omitted in the category of sports, as there is
+no peculiar etiquette attached, you should wear white duck trousers, a
+white madras shirt, white flannel coat, plain or finely striped, and
+straw hat or flannel cap to match coat. The straw hat was in vogue last
+summer.
+
+In England many men wear gray vicuna frock coats to the races. About
+this costume, however, in America, where races are but seldom social
+functions, you must be guided by the season, circumstances, and place.
+Of course, a top hat must be worn with any species of frock coat, but
+the gray top hat has gone out of fashion.
+
+_Gymkhana_ races are burlesque affairs imported from India. The
+participants are dressed in grotesque fancy costumes, and are obliged to
+race holding umbrellas, toy balloons, or some other absurdity. They are
+in great favor at summer watering places.
+
+
+BILLIARDS.
+
+The etiquette of this popular pastime is possibly embraced in the
+general maxim of "the extending of the utmost consideration for others."
+
+Billiards constitutes quite an important factor in club life, and should
+have been included in the chapter on that subject but for the fact that
+so many private houses have billiard rooms, and the game is better
+classified with the different sports of a bachelor.
+
+At the club it is allowable to play the game _sans_ one's coat, or in
+shirt sleeves. The billiard room is a place where one can be
+unconventional. Order, however, in a match game especially, should be
+strictly maintained. The severe English rule at clubs, under such
+circumstances, requires the man who has played his stroke "to retire to
+a reasonable distance, and keep out of the line of sight" (_vide_ the
+Badminton treatise on the game). Orders for drinks to the waiter, loud
+talking, criticism of the play, lighting pipes and cigars--the latter
+being only generally allowed in New York club billiard rooms--are all
+offenses against etiquette.
+
+In private houses it is certainly a breach of good manners to bolt into
+a billiard room while a game is in progress, except between the strokes,
+and this period can be easily ascertained by listening at the door. The
+ideal game is conducted with strict observance of the etiquette of the
+room. It is, according to the same Badminton authority, a game during
+the progress of which neither player smokes nor interrupts the other,
+and spectators are generally courteous, silent, and impartial. In a
+private house where ladies are apt to be present and to be players,
+shirt sleeves are certainly not tolerated. The dinner coat is useful on
+these occasions. Smoking is permissible if the hostess consents.
+
+The etiquette of cards calls for but a word. Whist means silence. No
+gentleman quarrels with a billiard marker or a golf caddie; still less
+should he dispute a point at cards. Better lose, especially when women
+are present, than enter a controversy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD.
+
+
+To seem entirely at one's ease is the best maxim I can give for
+traveling. You can not actually pretend to experience that which may be
+totally lacking, but by making yourself comfortable you will increase
+the pleasure of others. There is, in these days of luxurious traveling,
+but little occasion to be flurried, and no excuse whatever for not being
+as well dressed as you are calm and self-possessed. Dress means a great
+deal, and if you have not a servant with you it will simply require a
+little care at the commencement to insure your entire freedom from all
+annoyance.
+
+As I have already observed in a previous chapter, in a long journey it
+would be better to take more than one trunk, but even if you have but
+the one you should carry also a bag with your toilet articles. A
+dressing bag is most requisite, and if you can not afford this you
+could have an ordinary bag, or even a "dress suit" case, fitted up with
+the necessary appliances of the toilet. These, it is almost absurd to
+state, consist of your razors, tooth and nail brushes, combs and
+hairbrushes, individual soap, and a few small vials of very useful
+physic, such as Jamaica ginger, Pond's extract, liver pills, cologne,
+and, if you do not carry it in your pocket, a brandy flask. There are
+times when this is absolutely necessary. In my dressing bag, if
+possible, I would take my pyjamas, so as to be perfectly equipped for
+the night, in case, at the end of my journey, I could not get at my
+trunk. Overcoats, waterproof coat, umbrellas, walking sticks, etc.,
+should be carried in a shawl strap, where you could also have a novel or
+so, or a budget of interesting newspapers or magazines. For short
+railway or steamer journeys, the best dress is the ordinary lounge or
+morning sack suit, with a soft felt or Hombourg hat. Gloves are
+necessary. Tan or gray suede is the most correct. In winter an ulster
+should be worn. Select for sea or for ocean voyages the warmest lounge
+suit you have, or, if you feel more disposed, a warm tweed knickerbocker
+suit, such as you wear for golf. I think it is a good principle to put
+on your old clothes at sea. Only very vulgar people dress for this
+occasion. For late dinner on the ship I would have a black cutaway coat
+and a light tie. I believe men must change their clothes before dinner
+at all places and under all circumstances. Russet shoes are worn.
+
+Do not hurry. Have your tickets purchased in time, and arrive at a train
+so that you will have fully five minutes in which to check your luggage.
+
+On an ocean voyage, if the ship is going to leave at an early hour in
+the morning, go on board the night before. Farewell suppers are like
+greetings in tugboats and other vulgar celebrations, the meed of the
+second-class politician. Arrange with your banker for letters of credit,
+and take with you just sufficient small change to carry you comfortably
+and pay your little expenses, with one note of a larger denomination in
+case of accident. Do not get your money changed on the ship. It is
+effected at a very high rate of discount. Thus on English ships--the
+Cunard, White Star, Anchor, and Allan lines--English currency is used.
+The Hamburg and the North German Lloyd employ German, and the
+Transatlantique, French. Your steamer trunk and your bag and shawl strap
+should be placed in the cabin with you. Steamer chairs, in these days,
+can be hired. Do not carry one around with you. It is a nuisance. On the
+ocean steamers the steward will attend to your little wants, and prepare
+your bath for you in the morning, for which there is a fee, I think, of
+twenty-five cents a day. It is customary on leaving a ship to give
+gratuities to servants. To the cabin steward on English ships, ten
+shillings, the head steward ten shillings, and your waiter ten
+shillings. On others, for a six days' voyage, a fee equal to two dollars
+should be given to your waiter and your cabin steward and to the head
+steward. Servants abroad are feed on a regular tariff, which you will
+find in the guidebooks. In this country the drawing-car fiend expects
+twenty-five cents for a day's journey; fifty cents to a dollar for
+longer and more extended service. At American hotels the waiters are
+tipped when you leave, and a small gratuity given to chambermaids.
+
+Courtesy, especially to women, is the one thing expected from every
+gentleman who travels, and if you can assist any one in distress by
+advice or by help of any kind do so, particularly if it is an
+unprotected woman. But be very guarded in making new acquaintances. Such
+as are picked up on the steamer, for instance, can be dropped as soon
+as you land. Beware of the cardroom and the poker sharps who travel on
+the great liners. Make it a rule, if you will play for money, never to
+do so with strangers.
+
+When traveling with a lady, always carry her bag and assist her in and
+out of the trains. Your behavior is on its mettle under these
+circumstances, and traveling is very apt to be like a mustard plaster,
+bringing out both the good and evil attributes of a man.
+
+The subject of foreign travel also needs a few words as well as a bit of
+general advice. English customs and our own are so much alike that it
+would be strange, indeed, if an American could not get along in the land
+where his own tongue is spoken. One of the first difficulties which once
+beset traveling Americans in London was the regulation in theaters that
+the audience, or that part of it occupying the best stalls, should be in
+evening dress. As evening dress is now also the rule in New York, this
+quandary is a thing of the past. Programmes at many of the English
+theaters are now free, where some years ago it was customary to sell
+bills of the play for sixpence.
+
+The feeing of servants at hotels, however, continues, and we yet have
+the charge on hotel bills for service. You are expected to give
+something to the hall porter, to your waiter, to the boots, and to the
+chambermaid. The amount of these fees differs according to the length of
+your stay. I should say a half crown to the porter and less sums to the
+others.
+
+In London a shilling a mile is the accepted price for cabs within a
+certain metropolitan radius called the "circle." "Thrupence" or sixpence
+extra is the tip "to drink your health."
+
+Afternoon dress is the correct attire for the park after midday, and
+cabs and hansoms are not seen on the Row during riding and driving
+hours.
+
+In Paris you may wear a blue blouse and make the turn of the Bois in a
+_fiacre_. The tariff there is two francs an hour, or two francs fifty
+per course, from one place to another. The _pourboire_ is fifty
+centimes.
+
+In France the _pourboire_ is a veritable tax, as it is in Italy and in
+the Latin countries. In Germany the mark is equal to about twenty-five
+cents of our money, and it will go a long way. Ten marks will fee a
+houseful of servants.
+
+At the station in Paris fifty centimes is given to the porter. The
+"commissionnaire" at the hotel expects fifty centimes. Waiters'
+_pourboires_ are eighty-five centimes at breakfast, and at dinner a
+franc. In a _cafe_ they are twenty-five centimes.
+
+The woman at the theater who puts a footstool under your feet expects
+one franc, and at many of the playhouses she must be feed for a reserved
+seat.
+
+In Paris the orchestra stalls are occupied only by men. At the opera
+during the season evening dress in the boxes and stalls is, of course,
+_de rigueur_. At the Comedie Francaise on Tuesdays and at the Odeon on
+Thursdays you must be in evening dress in order to gain admittance.
+
+Chairs are sold in Paris at the Catholic churches, and in both the
+London and Paris parks seats can be hired for a few pennies or sous.
+
+In Paris omnibuses only the seating capacity is allowed. When the
+omnibus is full, a sign, "_Complet_," is fastened on the outside.
+
+At the gates of each small town in France the _octroi_, or impost,
+levies on articles of food brought in, and the customhouse in England
+seizes all American reprints of English books. There, as well as in
+France, spirits and tobacco are dutiable.
+
+It is only civil to bow when passing the Prince of Wales or members of
+the royal family. In Paris every hat is removed when a hearse passes, as
+also in Italy. In Germany the hat is removed when the emperor passes.
+
+Passports are necessary for Russian and Eastern travel.
+
+All large functions on the Continent, no matter what time of the day
+they occur, demand evening dress. In Paris the bridegroom at a wedding
+in the afternoon wears evening dress, as well as the chief male mourner
+at a funeral, but the others present do not. This does not apply to
+groomsmen and honorary pallbearers, who are in evening dress. In
+Germany, Austria, and Italy, wherever royalty appears, evening dress is
+necessary. At the audiences granted by the Pope all men must be in
+evening dress, and the women in dark gowns and veils.
+
+The Queen of England, the Princess of Wales, and all other female
+members of the royal family are addressed as "Ma'am"; the Prince of
+Wales and the male members as "Sir," and never, except by tradesmen, as
+"Your Royal Highness."
+
+The English dukes are addressed simply as "Duke" and not as "Your
+Grace"; a marquis is "Lord" and a marchioness "Lady." Younger sons of
+dukes should be spoken of as lord. A French duke and duchess are
+addressed as "Monsieur" and "Madame." In Germany one drops the Von when
+addressing a nobleman who has that title, but when you write to him you
+must give him his full credentials.
+
+A foreign bishop is always addressed as "My Lord" and a cardinal as
+"Your Eminence."
+
+The etiquette at a house where the Prince of Wales or a member of the
+royal family in England visits is rigorous, and on the Continent, when
+royalty is present, it is even more severe. The prince is never
+addressed unless he speaks to you. He alone has the privilege of
+changing the subject of conversation, and all plans for the day's
+recreation are submitted to him.
+
+These observations are, of course, very general, but the average
+American to-day is at home in Europe. He should only remember the old
+adage to do in Rome as the Romans do, and he will not be much
+embarrassed by foreign customs and habits.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+THE ENGAGED BACHELOR.
+
+
+The etiquette of engagements is simple. There are no rules as to how a
+man should ask a woman to be his wife.
+
+A man is not at liberty to announce his engagement until his _fiancee_
+gives him permission to do so. It is her family who have the right to
+know first of the existence of an engagement. Very few engagements are
+entered into so hurriedly as not to be anticipated in a way by the
+members of the young woman's household. However, the first step to be
+taken is the announcement by the _fiancee_ to her mother, her father, or
+her proper guardian of the existing circumstances. Sometimes this is
+done in a most informal way by both parties. The day after the
+engagement has thus been announced it is good form for the man to have a
+private talk with the young woman's parents or guardian. In America we
+are supposed to be above the discussion of marriage settlements. A man
+should never ask a woman to marry him unless he has the wherewithal to
+support her in the manner in which she has been accustomed to live. An
+inquiry into the state of the proposed son-in-law's finances is
+perfectly proper and should not be taken amiss. Engagements are
+announced to other members of the family than those of the household by
+informal notes when it is decided it should be made public. Relatives
+and intimate friends should be apprised of it before one's general
+acquaintances. In these days of "society news" the general announcement
+is frequently made through the medium of the newspapers. It can also be
+made verbally.
+
+During the engagement it is expected that a man's relatives and friends
+should pay the prospective bride as much attention as possible. They
+should call on her and felicitate her as soon as they have been informed
+of the affair. A pretty compliment for a male member of the man's family
+or one of his intimates is to send flowers to the new _fiancee_.
+Engagements should never be announced unless the wedding day is fixed
+approximately. Avoid long engagements.
+
+The engagement ring is a solitaire diamond, but one with two smaller
+diamonds is appropriate. This will depend upon the income of the swain.
+Rings with colored stones, however, are not in vogue for engagements.
+
+During the engagement the betrothed couple should be seen as much as
+possible in each other's society. Neither should appear at large
+entertainments to which the other has not been asked. Little attentions
+are expected. A man should send from time to time, according to the
+state of his finances, flowers, sweets, or other tokens. A sensible girl
+will not approve of costly gifts if you can not afford them. A very
+acceptable token would be a bunch of violets or American beauty roses
+sent from a fashionable florist.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING.
+
+
+When a bachelor marries the arrangement of the details of the ceremony
+and reception are left to the bride's family, and there is really very
+little about which to instruct him. Many men wish to know how these
+matters should be conducted, and a short review is here given under the
+penalty of its being not within the scope of the Complete Bachelor.
+
+Weddings in society are celebrated either at church or at the home of
+the bride. The church wedding is the most popular, and in large cities
+the most fashionable, as it admits of the presence of a large number of
+people and lends much solemnity to the occasion.
+
+The fashionable hour for a wedding is from high noon--midday--until five
+o'clock. Evening weddings have within the past five years not been as
+much in vogue as formerly.
+
+The invitations are issued within a fortnight of the ceremony. The
+formula is an announcement engraved on a sheet of heavy cream paper
+folded in two. It is issued in the name of the bride's parents or
+guardian, and it requests the pleasure of the guest's presence at the
+marriage of their daughter or ward at such a church or such a number, at
+such an hour of the day, month, and year. A separate card, inclosed,
+with the announcement and invitation to the church, states the hours of
+the reception. The invitations are very simple, engraved in plain
+English script, and the paper and cards are of a standard quality known
+to stationers for this purpose. The inner one is addressed only with the
+name of the person invited, the outer one has this and the street, the
+street number, and full directions for mailing. Gilt-edged or fancy
+stationery is vulgar.
+
+I herewith append some examples. The English invariably insist on the
+R. S. V. P., or "answer if you please," on even church invitations. This
+is not the regular New York custom.
+
+The reason for this is that in England those asked to the church are
+always expected also at the reception. Only the bridal party sit down to
+an elaborate breakfast, the other guests being given the very lightest
+of refreshments.
+
+American form:
+
+            _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+          _request your presence_
+    _at the marriage of their daughter_
+                _Katherine_
+                   _to_
+                _Mr._ ----,
+  _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_
+           _at twelve o'clock._
+             _Grace Church,_
+        _Broadway and Tenth Street._
+
+Also:
+
+            _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+    _request the honor of your presence_
+    _at the marriage of their daughter_
+                  _Annie_
+                   _to_
+                _Mr._ ----
+                _on_ (etc.).
+
+            _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+          _request your presence_
+    _at the marriage of their daughter_
+              _Myra Raymond_
+                   _to_
+               _Mr._ ----,
+  _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_
+            _at twelve o'clock._
+              _Grace Church,_
+        _Broadway and Tenth Street._
+
+               _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+       _request the honor of your presence_
+       _at the marriage of their daughter_
+                     _Annie_
+                      _to_
+                   _Mr._ ----
+  _on Tuesday morning, November twenty-seventh,_
+          _at half past eleven o'clock._
+                _St. Leo's Church,_
+            _East Twenty-eighth Street._
+                      ------
+           _Please present this card at_
+                 _St. Leo's Church,_
+             _November twenty-seventh._
+
+English form:
+
+                 _Mr. and Mrs._ ----
+             _request the pleasure of_
+               _Lord and Lady ----'s_
+                    _company at_
+             _St. Peter's, Eaton Square,_
+     _on Saturday, November 4th, at two o'clock,_
+  _on the occasion of the marriage of their daughter_
+              _Margaret and_ ---- ----,
+        _and afterward at 1 Grosvenor Square._
+      _R. S. V. P._
+                     ------
+                  _Admit bearer_
+                       _to_
+        _St. Peter's Church, Eaton Square,_
+     _on November 4th, 1895, at two o'clock._
+
+If the bride whom a bachelor is marrying is a widow and lives in her own
+house, the invitations to the church and the reception, or to either or
+both, would read simply, "The pleasure of your company is requested at
+the wedding," etc., with a separate card bearing the word reception and
+stating the hour and address.
+
+Should there be no guests at the wedding, and should it be conducted
+very quietly or privately, it is necessary that announcement cards be
+sent out after the event has taken place. These are issued in the name
+of the bride's parent, parents, or guardian, who simply announce "the
+marriage of their daughter [or ward] Elizabeth to Mr. Henry Smith
+Walcott, Thursday, June the twentieth, eighteen hundred and ninety-six."
+In the left-hand corner is placed the address of those sending out the
+cards. A card is also inclosed with the names of the newly married
+couple, their address, and their reception day. Should there be neither
+parents nor guardians, the parties to the contract can announce it
+themselves with one card thus: "Mr. William Benham Thorne and Miss
+Eleanore Taylor, married on Thursday, November the seventh, eighteen
+hundred and ----, New York." Another card can also be inclosed, on
+which is the new address of the married couple, as well as their day at
+home. If it is a church wedding, and there are neither guardians nor
+parents, you can use the form, "You are invited to be present at the
+wedding of ----," etc.
+
+A too rigid economy should not be observed in the sending of wedding
+invitations, and the prospective bridegroom should see that this is
+carried out. In case there are several members of a family, it is good
+form to inclose an invitation to each; thus, Mr. and Mrs. Algernon
+Smith, the Misses Smith, and Messrs. Smith making three smaller
+envelopes inclosed in the larger one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Algernon
+Smith.
+
+As I have advised in the chapter on Cards, your pasteboard should be
+left at the house of those in whose name the invitations are issued,
+even if you are asked only to the church. If to the reception, you owe
+two visits of "digestion"--one to the bride's parents and one to the
+happy pair.
+
+All the expenses pertaining to a wedding are borne by the bride's
+parents. The bridegroom, however, pays the clergyman's fee and provides
+his own carriage, cab, or hansom from his rooms to the church. This
+vehicle is also sent to the house of the best man.
+
+All expenses after the marriage are, of course, defrayed by the
+bridegroom. It has been strict etiquette for the bride and bridegroom
+not to use the family carriage, which usually takes them from the
+church, to fetch them to the railroad station, but one provided by the
+bridegroom. It is frequently a matter of courtesy for the bride's
+parents to offer this for the occasion.
+
+_The bridegroom_ should, as soon as the wedding day is appointed, choose
+his best man and his ushers. The vogue is to ask his nearest unmarried
+male relative or his most intimate bachelor friend to serve in the
+capacity of best man. More recently a number of very fashionable New
+Yorkers have had married men take that position, and thus the innovation
+has sanction through the action of the "smart set." A married best man
+is said to be an English fad, but I find that it could be more correctly
+termed an Anglo-Indian mode, as this new idea is much more popular in
+Calcutta and Bombay than in London.
+
+In the selection of ushers, a man asks usually some few of his intimates
+or club friends, and through courtesy to his prospective bride a male
+member of her family, frequently her brother. Six ushers are the usual
+number, although four are quite sufficient. Some few men have been known
+to dispense with the services of the best man and have only ushers, but
+this is not exactly correct at a fashionable church wedding. The ushers
+can be very easily omitted if the ceremony is to take place at the
+house.
+
+_The bridegroom_ presents his best man and his ushers with their ties,
+their gloves, and tie pin, which is a souvenir of the occasion, as well
+as their _boutonnieres_, or "buttonholes," to accept the last English
+expression, to be worn at the ceremony.
+
+The tie, gloves, and tie pin are given to the best man and the ushers at
+the farewell bachelor dinner; the _boutonnieres_ are ordered at the
+florist's and sent to them on the morning of the wedding. Lilies of the
+valley are the favorite wedding flowers, but the floral arrangements are
+regulated by the bride's family, who possibly have a certain color or
+flower scheme for the church decorations, and the "buttonholes" must be
+in keeping.
+
+_The bridegroom_ generally provides hansoms or _coupes_ to drive his
+ushers to the church from their respective residences. As the bride's
+family provides the carriages for the _cortege_, these other vehicles
+may be dismissed at the church.
+
+_The bridegroom_ himself drives to the church in a hansom with his best
+man.
+
+If it is a house wedding these carriages need not be provided. In this
+country the _bridegroom_ does not give the bridesmaids any token or
+present. In England he presents them with brooches or bracelets. In New
+York the bride presents her maid of honor and bridesmaids with souvenirs
+in the shape of lace pins, brooches, or bracelets.
+
+_The bridegroom_ always gives to his bride a handsome wedding present,
+which is to be worn or carried on the happy day. It may be a diamond
+tiara, it may be a diamond star, it may be jewels of any kind which he
+can ascertain would be acceptable to her, or it may be a prayer book.
+_The bridegroom_ does not provide any part of the bride's costume.
+
+If the bride should carry flowers instead of a prayer book, this special
+bouquet is the gift of the bridegroom, but the flowers for the
+bridesmaids are provided by the bride.
+
+The expenses of the wedding notices in the newspapers and the fee to the
+clergyman are paid by the bridegroom through the agency of the best
+man.
+
+The wedding ring is of bright burnished gold, perfectly plain. The date
+of the wedding and the initials of the happy pair should be engraved on
+the inside. The ring is confided to the best man, who produces it at the
+proper time during the ceremony.
+
+It is customary for a prospective bridegroom to purchase or, rather, to
+have a wedding outfit made. Very elaborate affairs of this kind are not
+in good taste, and anything which suggests the occasion is certainly
+vulgar. Beyond the clothes for the ceremony, there should be a general
+overhauling of the wardrobe and shirts, undervests, underclothes,
+handkerchiefs, and such articles must, if any of them are needed or have
+fallen into decay, be supplied or renewed. All this is a matter of
+taste.
+
+_The bachelor farewell dinner_ is now a recognized institution. Perhaps
+next to the ceremony itself, it is regarded as the most important social
+function of the wedding week.
+
+If you are a member of a club, your farewell dinner should be given
+there in one of the private dining rooms. Otherwise it is perfectly
+correct to have it at a well-known restaurant or hotel, in, of course, a
+private dining room. You may have it at your own house, and, should your
+parents be living and you reside with them, it can be given at home.
+The club, however, is really first choice. Sometimes the strictly
+bachelor dinner is dispensed with, and in its stead a dinner is given to
+the entire bridal party by the family of the bride. This does away with
+the presumed selfishness of the "stag" dinner, and the possible excuse
+for some one or more of the guests to become exhilarated--a _finale_, I
+am grieved to say, that has happened on more than one occasion.
+
+At the stag dinner you should have your best man, your ushers, and
+several of your friends. You can invite a married man or so, especially
+if he is a very jolly fellow, and it is expected that some one or more
+of your bride's relatives will be included. Twelve is a good number,
+but, of course, never thirteen, because women are generally
+superstitious, and should this become known to your future one it might
+cause her great mental anxiety.
+
+The gloves, ties, and tie or scarf pins to be given to the best man and
+ushers are placed in white boxes tied with white satin ribbon and put in
+the outer room to be handed to each man as he bids adieu. Perhaps it
+might be more prudent to place them at the covers, but it would hardly
+be good form, as there would be in that case several of the guests
+without favors. And, besides, a dinner with favors is not permissible
+in these days.
+
+_Boutonnieres_ of lilies of the valley should be also placed at each
+cover. The _menu_ cards should be simple but tasteful. Elaborate _menus_
+are not now in the best form. In fact, with a bachelor dinner, as with
+all functions of this kind, elegant simplicity should be the
+predominating characteristic; cut glass and silver are all that is
+required. In the center of the table a basket, or, better, a silver
+_jardiniere_ of roses, is the only floral decoration. During the course
+of the dinner these flowers are removed and are sent to the bride-elect.
+It is sometimes the custom--and a very pretty one--for each guest to
+note a sentiment on a _menu_ card or simply his own name, and have that
+sent also with the flowers.
+
+The dinner itself can, but need not be very elaborate. I do not like a
+dinner of many courses. It is usual to serve sherry and whisky and
+caviare sandwiches in the anteroom before dinner, and also to have
+cigars and cigarettes galore there as well as at table, although it is
+not permissible to smoke before the cheese is served. I would recommend
+raw oysters, a clear soup, a bit of fish with sliced cucumber--an
+attractive _entree_; a _fillet_ with vegetables, canvas-back duck,
+cheese and salad, coffee, and fruit.
+
+
+THE CEREMONY.
+
+On the morning of the wedding the bridegroom is called for in the hansom
+or cab which has been ordered for himself and the best man. The best man
+calls for him and takes him to the church. They should time their
+movements so as to arrive at least five minutes before the hour
+appointed for the ceremony. The same precaution should be observed if it
+is a house wedding.
+
+At day weddings afternoon dress is _de rigueur_ for bridegroom, best
+man, ushers, and all male guests. The bridegroom, best man, and ushers
+should be dressed alike in frock coats and waistcoats to match, trousers
+of dark gray striped, patent-leather shoes, gray suede gloves, white or
+pearl-colored scarfs, and top hats.
+
+The English have allowed some latitude, and wear gray frock coats and
+even colored shirts, but this fashion is not generally in vogue in
+America. Evening weddings require formal evening dress. A wedding at
+dusk in winter, where the bride wears traveling costume, calls for
+afternoon dress on the part of the bridegroom.
+
+The bridegroom and best man alight at the vestry. They remain in the
+back of the chancel until the first notes of the wedding march notify
+them of the presence of the bride. The best man must see before the
+ceremony that the bridegroom's top hat, as well as his own, is sent to
+the entrance of the church to be handed to the respective owners on
+their exit.
+
+When the bride, on the arm of her father or guardian, approaches the
+altar, the bridegroom and best man walk out from the vestry, either
+together or the best man in advance. In the latter case the best man
+steps back at the chancel rail, and allows the bridegroom to pass before
+him. The bridegroom stands on the right-hand side of the altar or
+reading desk and the best man on his right. The bride is on the
+bridegroom's left, and her father or guardian a little behind her on her
+left.
+
+To avoid confusion, the ceremony is generally rehearsed an evening or
+two before. Much depends on the liturgy of the communion to which the
+couple belong. The best man has charge of the ring, and must produce it
+and hand it to the clergyman at the time it is demanded.
+
+At the conclusion of the ceremony the best man precedes the bride and
+bridegroom in the procession, escorting the maid of honor, unless the
+_cortege_ has been differently arranged. In that case, he makes his way
+either through the vestry or down one of the aisles to the church door,
+where he superintends the filing away of the bridal carriages and party.
+At the reception he goes in to breakfast with the maid of honor, or with
+a near relative of the bride's family. He may use the bridegroom's
+hansom from the church to the house, or he may go with one of the
+family. There is no rule for this. The bride and bridegroom use the
+bride's carriage.
+
+The best man is intrusted also with the paying of the clergyman. The
+bridegroom will give him a check for this purpose. As already stated, he
+also inserts the marriage notices in the newspapers, the funds for which
+are also provided by the bridegroom. He pays his own personal expenses.
+
+The ushers meet in the church about an hour before the ceremony. The
+bridegroom generally puts carriages at their disposal, but that is not
+in the least obligatory. They can take hansoms or cabs, or for that
+matter go to the rendezvous in the car or stage. The ushers stand at the
+foot of the nave or aisle and busy themselves escorting guests to
+seats. An usher offers his right arm to the lady he escorts up the
+aisle. Even if a lady should be accompanied by her husband or escort,
+the usher should offer her his arm, and the other man walks up behind
+them. If an usher should not have had the formality of an introduction
+to the lady he is showing to a seat, a bow and a smile when leaving her
+is all that is necessary. An usher, being a friend of the family, knows
+those who ought to go beyond the ribbon and those who are not relatives
+or family connections. The bride's brothers, if they are ushers, take
+care of the members of their family, and the intimate friends of the
+bridegroom or his relations. The relatives of the bride are placed in
+the front pews beyond the ribbon on the right-hand side of the altar,
+and the bridegroom's on the left-hand side. At the arrival of the bridal
+party the ushers get together and form in the back of the church for the
+procession up the aisle or nave. Their meeting thus is the cue for the
+sexton, who signals the organist, and the march is started. The ushers
+advance up the aisle, two by two, until they reach the chancel, where
+they divide on the right and on the left, allowing the bridesmaids to
+pass before them, standing in a semicircle around the altar rails. If it
+is a Roman Catholic wedding they genuflect as they reach the chancel.
+They file down the aisle in the same order, heading the bridal
+procession. At the carriage way they assist the bridesmaids in their
+carriages, and by previous arrangement they are allotted to certain
+carriages escorting the bridesmaids.
+
+_At the reception_ the bride and bridegroom take their places under a
+wedding bell of flowers or in the front drawing room between the two
+front windows, or, again, in the back drawing room. The house is
+decorated with palms, potted plants, flowers, and other foliage. Pink
+and white orchids, ferns, and chrysanthemums make very effective
+decorations. The mother of the bride, or nearest female relative, stands
+at the door of the drawing room and greets the guests. The ushers and
+bridesmaids are scattered about the room. If there is only a reception,
+then the guests, after exchanging greetings with the lady of the house,
+pass on and shake hands with and congratulate the bridegroom and wish
+the bride joy. Unless you are an intimate friend, do not attempt any set
+speech. The bride will say, if she has not seen you for a short time
+before the wedding, "I must thank you, Mr. Smith, for your beautiful
+present," or something of that kind. If you do not know the bridegroom
+she will present you to him. If you are a friend of the bridegroom he
+will present you to the bride, and should say, if such is the case,
+"Evangeline," or "May," or "Margaret," or otherwise; or "My dear, let me
+present to you Mr. Algernon Smith, who, you remember, is one of my best
+friends." And if Mrs. ---- has any tact, she will at once reply, "I am
+so pleased to meet any of my husband's old friends, and I must thank
+you, Mr. Smith, for the beautiful _bonbon_ dishes. They were just what I
+wanted," or words to that effect. Then pass on. Refreshments are served
+at a wedding reception from a buffet in the dining room. If you enter
+with a lady, ask her what she would like, and get it for her. Then take
+your own choice of refreshment, and stand or sit by her as the
+accommodations of the room will permit. A half hour at a wedding
+reception is sufficient. It is not good form to bid good-by to the bride
+and bridegroom, but only to the lady of the house.
+
+If there is no chaperon--for instance, if the bride be a widow or
+divorcee and is in her own home--then you must bid her good-by, but in
+such cases large receptions are not given.
+
+There is always a breakfast or luncheon set for the bridal party, at
+which the bride, escorted by the bridegroom, leads the way. The bride's
+father, escorting the bridegroom's mother, the ushers and bridesmaids
+and relatives follow. In this country we have no special law of
+precedence, and these bridal luncheons are more or less informal. There
+are no toasts.
+
+After breakfast the valet, should there be one, must be ready with the
+bridegroom's valise, when his master retires to put on a tweed suit for
+traveling; otherwise it can be laid out by one of the servants. With the
+coachman on the box and amid the usual shower of rice and slippers, as
+also the fusillade of a battery of eyes from neighbors' windows, and
+perhaps a crowd of street urchins and admiring servants, the happy
+couple start out on their wedding journey. I think it is better taste to
+wait until dark, almost, so as to avoid all this unseemly publicity, and
+I am averse to having the coachman and horses decked with white ribbons;
+but, of course, one does not marry every day in the year, and these
+little eccentricities are pardonable on such--shall I say?--an
+"auspicious" occasion.
+
+At a home wedding, as has been said above, ushers are not necessary. The
+same ceremonial is observed as at church, but due allowance must be
+made for crowded quarters. Usually very few are asked to the ceremony,
+but many to the reception afterward. As soon as the ceremony is over
+congratulations are in order, the newly married couple standing under
+the bell of flowers where they were married, and receiving the good
+wishes of their friends.
+
+If a man marries abroad there are many annoying bits of red tape to be
+considered. In London you are obliged to have a legal residence in the
+parish where the ceremony is to be performed. In Paris a civil marriage
+before the mayor of the district is necessary. Certificates of baptism
+must be filed with him, and you must give proof of the legal consent of
+both your parents as well as those of the bride. The religious ceremony
+takes place twenty-four hours after the civil. It is strict etiquette
+that the contracting parties do not see each other during this interim.
+
+The order of the wedding procession in France and on the Continent
+differs vastly from that in England and America. There are neither
+ushers nor a best man. If there are bridesmaids the groomsmen accompany
+them. The bride enters on the arm of her father preceded by the
+attendants, and the bridegroom follows, escorting his future
+mother-in-law. A long procession of relatives brings up the rear. The
+men, no matter at what time of the day the ceremony might take
+place--and evening weddings are unknown--are in formal evening dress.
+
+Under the French law also no widow or divorcee can remarry until ten
+months have elapsed since the dissolution of the previous contract. This
+should not be forgotten by bachelors contemplating matrimony with either
+one of these classes of eligibles. In Germany there are further
+complications, and I would advise all citizens of the United States
+contemplating matrimony there to consult the consul or minister at the
+legation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+FUNERALS.
+
+
+When a death occurs in the house all matters should at once be placed in
+charge of a relative or a friend of the family. The family itself should
+be kept away from every one as much as possible, and none of the sad
+details left to them. They should not be seen until the day of the
+funeral. Front windows should be shut, blinds and shades pulled down,
+and the outer or storm door of the house closed. A servant is stationed
+in the hall near the door, as on reception days, to receive the cards of
+persons calling. All acquaintances who have been entertained at the
+house leave cards in person, others may mail them. Only intimate friends
+of the family are admitted to the house.
+
+Should you send flowers, do not purchase or order any set designs. They
+are hideous--remind one of the tenement funerals, and are strikingly
+inappropriate. A bunch of white roses or of violets is a beautiful
+offering for a young woman, or two palms crossed, with violets or lilies
+of the valley attached, for a man or an elderly person. These should be
+accompanied by your card. If you have been an intimate friend, a few
+words written--a short note of condolence--would not be amiss. To all of
+these notes, and in acknowledgment of these offerings, one of the family
+nearest the deceased in relationship should respond by sending their
+card with the words, "Thank you for your kind sympathy," or something of
+that sort, written upon it.
+
+As a rule, when the deceased is a young man who belongs to several clubs
+or who has a numerous acquaintance, it is better to have the funeral
+from a church. Pallbearers are chosen from among his intimate friends; a
+relative never acts as pallbearer. It is not customary for any except
+the nearest relatives to go to the cemetery. Ladies of the family do not
+accompany the remains to the cemetery, and they frequently do not attend
+the funeral services at the church if the deceased is a man.
+
+If the funeral services are held at the house the relatives and intimate
+friends are invited into the back parlor, dining room, or upstairs, and
+make their appearance only when the services begin. The undertaker
+attends to seating people, arranging the rooms, etc.
+
+There is only one proper dress for a man to wear at a funeral. It should
+consist of black frock coat, dark trousers, dark scarf and gloves (gray
+or dark tan, but not black, unless you are a relative), and top hat.
+Should you be a relative or a pallbearer, wear a black weed on your hat.
+
+As to periods of mourning, there seems to be some little difference of
+opinion in New York. Ward McAllister treated the subject in quite an
+exhaustive manner, advocating short mourning terms even for the nearest
+relatives. For a wife eighteen months is considered the proper thing;
+for a parent, twelve to eighteen months, sometimes two years; for a
+brother or a sister, one year; and for a grandparent, six months. A
+maternal or paternal uncle or aunt is entitled to about two months or
+less, according to the intimacy which has existed between the families.
+Seclusion from society is generally consonant with mourning for near
+relatives. However, people now go to the theater and small dinners and
+teas after nine months of mourning for the very nearest relatives.
+
+It is not necessary for a man to shroud himself in black. A silk hat
+with a crape band nearly to the top should be worn by widowers during
+the first year of their widowerhood; but black shirt studs, black sleeve
+buttons, handkerchiefs bordered with black, and the other abominations
+in which the grief-stricken Frenchman arrays himself are not tolerated
+in this country. In deep mourning one can wear black ties and black
+gloves, but a white linen tie in summer is permissible. I do not
+advocate the use of black scarf pins. A black band on the sleeve of a
+gray suit is also another affectation which should be avoided. Cards
+should be left after a funeral.
+
+There is no code of etiquette established as yet for divorce. Second
+marriages should be as quiet as possible. This advice is given to
+bachelors who are contemplating matrimony with divorcees.
+
+
+GENERAL ADVICE FOR UNCLASSIFIED OCCASIONS.
+
+If you are chosen godfather, you are expected to send a silver mug to
+your godchild. Christening parties are held about four in the afternoon.
+Afternoon dress is required.
+
+When giving a dinner or any entertainment at a certain well-known New
+York restaurant do not refer to it as "Del's." This is an earmark of
+vulgarity.
+
+When speaking of the city of New York do not refer to it as "Gotham."
+This shows the worst kind of provincialism and a vulgar spirit.
+
+Even should your friends be among the most exclusive and fashionable in
+any place, they are never "swells," nor do they belong to the "Four
+Hundred." The latter term was once used by a gentleman to designate the
+probable list of people who were to entertain in New York that season,
+and has no bearing whatever upon the question of social limit.
+
+If you send flowers never have them arranged in set designs. Fair
+voyagers will thank you much more if you send fruit, sweets, or books,
+as flowers on shipboard or railroad trains are nuisances. Books, sweets,
+and flowers are the only gifts which a bachelor can offer or a woman
+accept from him.
+
+The terms "lady" and "gentleman" are distinctive. Your friends and
+acquaintances are all supposed to be ladies and gentlemen. To
+distinguish them as such implies a doubt. Should you call at a house you
+ask if the "ladies" are in, so as to distinguish them from the other
+females in the household. You also toast the "ladies." In referring to
+the gentler sex, it is more complimentary to speak of them as "women."
+You would say, "She is a clever woman," not a "clever lady." The person
+who speaks of "a lady or a gentleman friend" has a defined social
+position--on the Bowery.
+
+Avoid slang, especially that of the music halls or the comic (?)
+newspapers. You can well afford not to be "up to date."
+
+In greeting a person say "Good morning," "Good afternoon," or "Good
+evening," but refrain from such inane phrases as "Delighted, I'm sure."
+On introduction or presentation, it is sufficient to say "I am delighted
+to meet you." Avoid also the "How d'y do?" "How are you?" "Very well, I
+thank you." All this is idiotic.
+
+Whistle all you like in your bedroom, but not in public.
+
+Gentlefolk have "friends" stopping with them, never "company." Servants
+have and keep "company."
+
+When you refer to wine it means any kind of vintage, and not necessarily
+champagne. Therefore beware of the "gentleman who opens wine," or the
+one who gives a "wine party," whatever that may mean. We speak of a
+dinner, but not of a dinner party. A party to the play, no matter where
+the location of the places may be, is never a "box party."
+
+Do not be a professed jester nor yet a punster. The clowns of society
+are not enviable beings.
+
+When speaking of a fashionable woman do not refer to her as a "society
+woman." That would imply that she belongs to various societies or
+guilds, which is not probably the impression you desire to convey.
+
+When a person has a predilection for the use of the word "elegant," and
+especially when it is employed in the sense of beautiful, good,
+charming, or delightful, you are quite just in your estimation of his or
+her vulgarity.
+
+Answers to questions should be given in the direct affirmative or the
+direct negative. "All right" is not, to say the least, civil, and is
+ill-bred.
+
+Never exhibit your accomplishments, unless "by special request," in the
+public parlors of hotels, or saloons of ships, or other places of
+general gathering. The persons who sing and play the piano and make
+themselves bores are as reprehensible as the window opening and shutting
+fiends, the fidgety travelers, the loud-voiced and constant complaining,
+all of whom are most obnoxious.
+
+Under great provocation the expletive "damn" is tolerated by society,
+but it should be whispered and not pronounced aloud. The man who swears
+is certainly beyond the pale, and the one who uses silly and senseless
+exclamations is not far away from him. One of the marks of a gentleman
+is his complete mastery of himself under the most trying and aggravating
+circumstances.
+
+These are but few of the many "don'ts" which it seems necessary to
+repeat in works of this kind. For a more extended catalogue of social
+and grammatical sins, the reader is referred to that excellent book The
+Verbalist, by Alfred Ayres, and the clever little _brochure_ Don't. A
+careful study of these will assist him much in reviewing elementary
+questions, the knowledge of which was taken for granted by the author of
+the Complete Bachelor.
+
+
+
+
+INDEX.
+
+ACCEPTANCE, invitations, 46-48.
+Admission to clubs, rules for, 127-129.
+Admission, visitors to clubs, 131, 132.
+Advice, general, for unclassified occasions, 195, 196.
+Afternoon calls, etiquette of, 43-45.
+Afternoon dress, when worn, 12, 13.
+Afternoon tea, 45.
+Afternoon wedding, 184, 185.
+Aisle, church and theater, going up, 5.
+Almonds, salted, 69.
+Alpine hats, 28.
+Amateur accomplishments, 199.
+Announcement cards, 176.
+Announcement, engagement, method of, 169.
+Answers, Assembly and Patriarchs, 48.
+Answers, ball invitations, 48.
+Answers, committee invitations, 48.
+Answers, dinner invitations, 48.
+Answers, form of, 46-48.
+Answers, general, 48.
+Artichokes, method of eating, 70.
+Asparagus, method of eating, 70.
+Assembly balls, etiquette of, 48, 105-110.
+
+BACHELOR.--For all functions with this title, see various heads of
+  chapters.
+Bachelor's farewell dinner, 181-184.
+Badminton, 148.
+Bag, shoe, 30.
+Bag, traveling, what to take on a visit from Friday to Monday, 91-93.
+Bag, traveling, voyage long, 160, 161.
+Ball, Assembly, 105-110.
+Ball, Charity, 103.
+Ball, general etiquette of, 48, 102-110.
+Ball, Inauguration, 104.
+Ball, public, 48, 103, 104.
+Ball, supper at, 110, 111.
+Bath, bachelor's, 17, 18.
+Bathing, 156.
+Bath, Turkish, 22.
+Beard, care of, 19.
+Best man, dress for, 184.
+Best man, etiquette for, 180-182, 184-187.
+Bicycling, 144, 145.
+Billiards, 157, 158.
+Boating, 156.
+Bolting food, 62.
+Boots, 12, 13, 28-30, 37.
+Boots, care of, 28-30.
+Boots, riding, 142.
+Boots, russet, 13, 42, 147, 155.
+Bowing, etiquette of, 2-6, 9.
+Bowling, 147.
+Bridegroom, 178-180.
+Bridegroom, dress of, 184.
+Bridegroom, expenses of, 177, 178.
+Bridegroom, presents to bride and wedding party, 179, 180.
+Brushes, 19-26, 28-31.
+Brushes, clothes, 25, 26, 28-31.
+Brushes, hair, 19, 22.
+Brushes, hat, 28.
+Brushes, nail, 22.
+Brushes, tooth, 20.
+Butler, duties of, 100.
+Butter, when served, 66.
+
+CABS, London and Paris, 164, 165.
+Cabs, ushers and best men, 184, 186.
+Calls, afternoon, 43-46.
+Calls, balls and dances, 45.
+Calls, condolence, 45, 193.
+Calls, dinner, 45.
+Calls, evening, 43, 46.
+Calls, general etiquette of, 43-46, 106, 193.
+Calls, opera and theater, 45, 46.
+Calls, period in which to be made, 45.
+Card cases, 50.
+Card parties, 55.
+Cards, announcement, 176, 177.
+Cards, condolence, 50, 195.
+Cards, etiquette of leaving, 52, 53.
+Cards, etiquette of playing, 159.
+Cards, etiquette of visiting, 49-53, 106, 193.
+Cards, how many to leave, 51.
+Cards, leaving in person, 50, 51.
+Cards, mailing, 50.
+Cards, wedding, 174-176.
+Carriage, etiquette of, 4, 139.
+Cars, etiquette in street, 4, 8, 9.
+Carving, 65.
+Ceremony, wedding, 184, 185.
+Chafed faces, how to prevent, 19.
+Chafing-dish suppers, 78.
+Chains, watch, 16.
+Champagne, 71, 77, 78, 81.
+Changing clothes, 23, 24.
+Chaperones, 76, 79, 82, 87, 109.
+Cheating at games, 154.
+Christening, etiquette of, 196.
+Church, aisles, going up, 5.
+Church, ceremony at weddings, 184, 185.
+Churches, foreign, 166.
+Claret, 71.
+Cleaning clothes, 31.
+Clergy, addressing, manner of, 122, 168.
+Closets, clothes put in, 26.
+Clothes, care of, 24-31.
+Clothes, cost of, 32-42.
+Clothes, folding and brushing, 24-31.
+Clothes, overhauling, 30.
+Clothes, packing and putting away, 30, 31, 91-93.
+Clothes, removing and changing, 23-27.
+Clothes, removing grease stains from, 31.
+Clowns of society, 199.
+Club, admission of visitors, 131, 132.
+Club, admission to, 128-130.
+Club, bowing from, window, 134.
+Club, elections to membership, 128-130.
+Clubs, etiquette of, 126-136.
+Club, pipe smoking at, 133.
+Club servants, 134.
+Club, treating at, 134.
+Club, wearing hat at, 133.
+Club, where ladies are admitted, 135.
+Coaching, 143, 144.
+Coaching, dress for, 144.
+Coachman, dress or and livery, 98.
+Coachman, duties of, 98.
+Coat of arms, 121.
+Coats, care, folding, and keeping of, 24-26.
+Coats, cost of, 33-36, 38.
+Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, 15, 35.
+Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, cost of, 35.
+Coats, dress or evening, when to wear, 13, 56, 164-167, 186.
+Coats, frock, cost of, 38.
+Coats, frock, when to wear, 12, 13, 186, 187, 195.
+Coats, frock, colored, 13.
+Coats, lounge or sack, 10-12.
+Coffee, black, when served, 73.
+"Company," 198.
+Condolence, letters of, 125.
+Congratulation, letters of, 125.
+Corn, eating on cob, 72.
+Correspondence, etiquette of business, 120-123.
+Correspondence, etiquette of friendly, 119-121, 124.
+Cotillon, etiquette of, 112-118.
+Cotillon, figures of, 116-118.
+Cotillon, form of, 112-115.
+Cotillon, leading a, 113-115.
+Country house, entertaining by bachelor, 86-89.
+Country house, etiquette at, 85-93.
+Country house, furnishing of, 88.
+Country house, tipping servants at, 90.
+Country house, visits at, 88-90.
+Crests, use of, 121.
+Crossing legs in public, 8.
+Crossing streets, 1, 2.
+Cucumbers, how served and eaten, 69.
+Customhouse, French and English, 166, 167.
+
+"Damn," when it may be excused, 200.
+Dance card, not used in New York, 108.
+Dance, etiquette of, 102-118.
+Dance, forms of, 109, 114-118.
+Dance, manner of asking to, 108.
+Dances, bachelor, 82.
+Dances, dinner, 60.
+Dances, invitations to, 48.
+"Del's," 197.
+Diamonds, 16.
+Dinner, bachelor farewell, 161, 162.
+Dinner, bachelor host at home, 77, 78.
+Dinner, bachelor host at restaurant, 83.
+Dinner coat, when worn, 15.
+Dinner dance, 60.
+Dinner, general etiquette of, 46, 47, 54-74, 77, 78, 82, 83, 161, 162.
+Dinner, serving at, 78, 100.
+Don'ts of table etiquette, 62-65.
+Dress, afternoon, 13.
+Dress, afternoon wedding, 179, 185, 187.
+Dress, bachelor's, for all times, 13-16.
+Dress, badminton, 148.
+Dress, bathing, 156.
+Dress, boating, 156.
+Dress, bowling, 157.
+Dress, butler, 101.
+Dress, coaching, 138.
+Dress, coachman, 98.
+Dress, driving and coaching, 138.
+Dress, evening, 13-15, 32-35, 56, 156, 164, 166, 167.
+Dress, evening, formal, 13, 14.
+Dress, evening, informal, 15.
+Dress, evening wedding, 187.
+Dress, foreign, morning and evening functions, 164, 166, 167.
+Dress, funeral, 195.
+Dress, golf, 154.
+Dress, groom, 96, 97.
+Dress, morning or lounge, 11, 12.
+Dress, polo, 148.
+Dress, riding, 142.
+Dress, riding to hounds, 142.
+Dress, shipboard, 161, 162.
+Dress, shooting, 146.
+Dress, skating, 148.
+Dress, tennis, 156.
+Dress, theaters, London and Paris, 166.
+Dress, traveling, 160.
+Dress, valet, 99, 100.
+Dress, wheeling, 145.
+Dress, yachting, 149, 152.
+Drinking with mouth full, 63.
+
+Eggs, eaten from shell, 66.
+Elevator, etiquette of, 5.
+Engagements, announcement, 169, 170.
+Engagements, etiquette of, 169, 171.
+Engagements, presents during, 171.
+Engagement ring, 170.
+Entrees, manner of serving, 69.
+Envelopes and stationery, proper form of, 120, 122, 123.
+Envelopes, sealing, 122, 123.
+Escorts, 5, 9.
+Esquire, when used, 121.
+Expenses, wedding, who pays, 177.
+Eye, bath for, 19.
+
+Fares, paying, 9.
+Fees, foreign countries, 163-165.
+Feet, care of, 21.
+Fish, manner of eating, 69.
+Flask, brandy, 161.
+Flowers, sending, 171, 194, 198.
+Foreign etiquette, 162, 164.
+Foreign marriages, 191, 192.
+"Four hundred," 197.
+French titles, 168.
+Frock coats, 12, 13, 38, 184, 195.
+Fruit, manner of eating, 71, 72.
+
+Gifts, when engaged, 171.
+Golf, dress for, 155.
+Golf, etiquette of, 153, 154.
+Gotham, 197.
+Grace at meals, 58.
+Grape fruit, 67.
+Grease, removal of, 31.
+Greetings, 198.
+Groom, dress of, 96, 97.
+Groom, duties of, 96-98.
+
+Hairbrushes, 22.
+Hair, care of, 21.
+Handkerchiefs, pocket, 14, 27.
+Hands, care of, 20.
+Hands on table, 64.
+Hat, care of, 28.
+Hat, Derby, when worn, 11.
+Hat, Hombourg or Alpine, when worn, 11.
+Hat, opera or crush, 13.
+Hat, straw, 15.
+Hat, top or silk, 13, 14.
+Hoisting colors, 150, 151.
+Hounds, riding to, 142.
+
+Introducing men to women, 41.
+Introduction, letters of, 45.
+Introductions, etiquette of, 41, 42.
+Introductions, formal, 41.
+Introductions, general, 41.
+Introductions in street not good form, 42.
+Introductions, when and when not made, 41, 42.
+Invitation, ball, 48, 103.
+Invitation, dance, 48.
+Invitation, dinner, 46, 47.
+Invitation, luncheon, 54, 76.
+Invitation, wedding, 172-176.
+Invitations, various forms of, 46-48, 54, 76, 172-176.
+Inauguration Ball, 104.
+
+Jacket, dinner or Tuxedo coat, 15, 34, 35.
+Jewelry, use of, 16.
+
+Ladies annex to clubs, 135.
+"Lady and gentleman," when used, 198.
+Lancers, 109.
+Legs, crossing, 8.
+Letters, a bachelor's, 119-126.
+Letters, addressing, 121-123.
+Letters, business, 122, 124.
+Letters, condolence, 125.
+Letters, congratulation, 125.
+Letters, club, paper written on, 124.
+Letters, destroying old, 120.
+Letters, friendly, 122.
+Letters, hotel or business paper, written on, 124.
+Letters of introduction, 45.
+Letters, sealing, 123.
+Letters, stamping, 123.
+Lifting hat, occasions for, 2-7.
+Lift or elevators, etiquette of, 5.
+Liqueurs, 73.
+London, cab and hotel fees, 165, 166.
+London, general traveling etiquette, 165, 166.
+Luncheon dishes, 66.
+Luncheons, 54-56, 66, 74, 76, 77.
+Luncheons, bachelor, 76, 77.
+Lunch, quick, 64.
+
+Macaroni, 72.
+Mailing cards, 51.
+Manners, code of table, 64-73.
+Marriage announcements, 176.
+Marriage ceremony, 178.
+Marriages, formalities at foreign, 192.
+Men servants, 94-101.
+Menus, 67, 77, 78, 81, 111, 183.
+Ministers fees, by whom paid, 186.
+Morning bath, 17.
+Morning or lounge suit, 11, 12.
+"Mr." and "Esq.," when to use, 121.
+Mushrooms, how to eat, 70.
+
+Nailbrushes, 20.
+Nails, 20.
+Napkin, proper use of, 63.
+Nervous people at table, 63.
+Nobility, addressing, 167, 168.
+
+Omnibus, Paris and London, 166.
+Olives, how to eat, 69.
+Opera or crush hat, 14, 39.
+Opera or theater calls, 45.
+Opera, visits between the acts, 80.
+Overcoats, 14-16, 25.
+Overcoats, Chesterfield and covert, 14-16.
+Overhauling clothes, 30.
+Oysters, 68.
+Oyster cocktails, 68.
+
+Paper, note, correct kind, 120.
+Paris cabs, 165.
+Paris, etiquette for strangers, 164-166.
+Paris theaters, 166.
+Park suits, 13.
+Patriarchs' Ball, 105-111.
+Picnics, 85-87.
+Pipe smoking, 7, 133.
+Pope, audience with, 166.
+Pourboires, 165.
+Programme at London theaters, 164.
+
+Queen, how to address, 166.
+Quick lunch, 62.
+
+Radishes, when served, 67.
+Reception, wedding, 188.
+Removing grease, 31.
+Restaurant, bachelor dinner and luncheon at, 80-83.
+Restaurants, etiquette of, 5, 6.
+Riding, 140, 141.
+Riding to hounds, 142.
+Ring, engagement, 169, 170.
+
+Sack suits, 12.
+Salad, 71.
+Salt and pepper, individual, 75.
+Savories, 71.
+Scarves, 16.
+Scotch whisky, 73.
+Sea, costume at, 161, 162.
+Sealing letters, 123.
+Seat, giving one's, in car or ferry, 8, 9.
+Second helping, 65.
+Servants, a bachelor's, 94-101.
+Servants, club, 132, 134.
+Servants, general duties of, 94, 95.
+Shaven, clean, servants, 94, 95.
+Shaving, 18, 19.
+Shawl straps, 161.
+Sherry, 69.
+Ship, etiquette on board, 160-162.
+Ship, sending flowers to, 198.
+Shirts, 11-14, 24, 32, 35, 37.
+Shirts, colored, 12, 37.
+Shoe bag, 30.
+Shoes and boots, care of, 28, 29.
+Shoes, black leather, 12.
+Shoes, cost of, 36.
+Shoes, general information about, 12, 14, 28, 29, 37, 38.
+Shoes, patent leather, 12, 14, 28, 29.
+Shoes, russet, 12, 29, 145, 155, 162.
+Shooting, 146.
+Shops, etiquette of, 4.
+Signatures to letters, 121.
+Smoking, 7, 133.
+Smoking in street, 7.
+Smoking, pipe, 7, 133.
+Slang, use of, 198.
+"Society lady," 199.
+Soup, 68.
+Sporting bachelor, 136-160.
+Stages, etiquette of, 4, 8.
+Stairways, etiquette of, 6, 7.
+Stamping letters, 123.
+Stamp, use of club, 123.
+Standing, in presence of women, 6, 8.
+Staring at women, 8.
+Stationery, business and hotel, 124.
+Stationery, club, 124, 134.
+Stationery, proper to use, 120, 124.
+Stopping acquaintances in street, 4.
+Strawberries, 72.
+Street, crossing, with lady, 1.
+Street, etiquette of, 1-9.
+Street, introductions on, 42.
+Street, smoking in, 7.
+Stick, proper method of holding, 7.
+Style of walking, proper, 7.
+Supper, ball and dance, 110, 111.
+Supper, chafing-dish, 78.
+Supper, given by a bachelor, 78, 81, 83, 84.
+Supper, restaurant, 78, 81, 82.
+Supper, suggestions for menu, 78, 81, 82.
+Swearing, caution against, 198.
+
+Table, carving at, 65.
+Table manners, 62-74.
+Table, setting and arrangement of, 75, 76.
+Tea, afternoon, etiquette of, 45.
+Teeth, care of, 19, 20.
+Tennis, etiquette of, 148.
+Terrapin, how to eat and serve, 70.
+Theater aisle, walking down, 5.
+Theater and opera, calls at, 45, 46.
+Theater clubs, 82.
+Theater, etiquette at, 3-5, 8, 45, 46, 78-80, 82.
+Theater parties, 78-82.
+Theaters, etiquette at foreign, 162, 163.
+Third person, addressing people in, 122.
+Ties and scarfs, 11, 12, 14, 16, 35, 179, 184.
+Ties, men's, cost of, 35.
+Ties, presentation of, to best man and ushers, 179.
+Tips and tipping, 90, 132, 165, 166.
+Titles, foreign, 167, 168.
+Toasts at dinner, 64.
+Toothbrushes, care of, 20.
+Tooth washes, 19, 20.
+Toilet articles, care of, 22.
+Toilet, bachelor's, 17-24.
+Tonic for hair, 21.
+Towels for bath, 18.
+Traveling, etiquette of, abroad, 161-163.
+Traveling, etiquette of, in America, 160-162.
+Trousers, care of, 26, 27.
+Trousers, folding, 26.
+Trousers, white duck and flannel, 12.
+Trunk, or bag, packed for Friday to Monday visit, 89.
+Trunks, how to pack, 160.
+Trunks, traveling with, 161.
+Turkish baths, 22.
+Tuxedo coat, when to wear, 15.
+
+Umbrella, how to carry, 7.
+Usher, dress of, 184.
+Ushers, duties of, at wedding, 186, 187.
+
+Valet, dress of, 99, 100.
+Valet, duties of, 98-100.
+Visiting cards, 49-53.
+Visiting cards, leaving, mailing, sending, 51-53.
+Visiting cards, style of, 49, 50.
+Visiting, country house, 85-93.
+Visiting, fashionable time for, in New York, 43.
+Visitors at clubs, 131, 132.
+Von, use of title, 168.
+
+Walking, etiquette of, 1-8.
+Walking, proper style of, 7.
+Waltzing, 109.
+Wedding, announcement, cards, 176.
+Wedding, church, 184-186.
+Wedding etiquette, 172-193.
+Wedding expenses, 177.
+Wedding, house, 188.
+Wedding, hour fashionable for, 172.
+Wedding receptions, 188, 189.
+Weddings, divorcee's and widow's, 176, 192.
+Weddings, English and French, 144, 145.
+Wheeling, etiquette of, 144, 145.
+Wheeling, proper dress for, 145.
+Whisky, Scotch, 73.
+
+Yachting, club rules for, cruise, 149-151.
+Yachting, etiquette of, 148-152.
+Yachting, proper dress for, 149.
+Yachting, proper uniform for officers and crew, 152.
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+[Transcriber's Note: The following typographical errors from the
+original edition have been corrected. No other corrections have been
+made to the original text. In addition, page references in the index
+contain numerous minor and several major inaccuracies. In most cases,
+the HTML version links to the nearest relevant section; in one case, no
+link has been provided.
+
+In Chapter II, "Evening dress is _de rigeur_" has been changed to
+"Evening dress is _de rigueur_".
+
+In Chapter VII, "conveyed thereform in carriages" has been changed to
+"conveyed therefrom in carriages".
+
+In Chapter VIII, "Chatreuse, kuemmel, curacoa, and cognac" has been
+changed to "Chartreuse, kuemmel, curacoa, and cognac".
+
+In Chapter XIX, "carriages for the cortege" has been changed to
+"carriages for the cortege", "unless the cortege has been differently
+arranged" has been changed to "unless the cortege has been differently
+arranged", and "the intimate friends of the bridegroom of his relations"
+has been changed to "the intimate friends of the bridegroom or his
+relations".
+
+In Chapter XX, a missing quotation mark has been added at the end of the
+sentence "Servants have and keep 'company.'"]
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Complete Bachelor, by Walter Germain
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COMPLETE BACHELOR ***
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