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diff --git a/2572.txt b/2572.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0dc0a46 --- /dev/null +++ b/2572.txt @@ -0,0 +1,602 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of On the Decay of the Art of Lying +by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: On the Decay of the Art of Lying + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: September 15, 2004 [EBook #2572] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ON THE DECAY OF THE ART OF LYING *** + + + + + +ON THE DECAY OF THE ART OF LYING + +by Mark Twain [Sameul Clemens] + + + + +ESSAY, FOR DISCUSSION, READ AT A MEETING OF THE HISTORICAL +AND ANTIQUARIAN CLUB OF HARTFORD, AND OFFERED FOR THE +THIRTY-DOLLAR PRIZE.[*] + +[*] Did not take the prize. + + + +Observe, I do not mean to suggest that the _custom_ of lying has +suffered any decay or interruption--no, for the Lie, as a Virtue, A +Principle, is eternal; the Lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in +time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest +friend, is immortal, and cannot perish from the earth while this club +remains. My complaint simply concerns the decay of the _art_ of lying. +No high-minded man, no man of right feeling, can contemplate the +lumbering and slovenly lying of the present day without grieving to see +a noble art so prostituted. In this veteran presence I naturally enter +upon this theme with diffidence; it is like an old maid trying to teach +nursery matters to the mothers in Israel. It would not become to me to +criticise you, gentlemen--who are nearly all my elders--and my +superiors, in this thing--if I should here and there _seem_ to do it, I +trust it will in most cases be more in a spirit of admiration than +fault-finding; indeed if this finest of the fine arts had everywhere +received the attention, the encouragement, and conscientious practice +and development which this club has devoted to it, I should not need to +utter this lament, or shed a single tear. I do not say this to flatter: +I say it in a spirit of just and appreciative recognition. [It had been +my intention, at this point, to mention names and to give illustrative +specimens, but indications observable about me admonished me to beware +of the particulars and confine myself to generalities.] + +No fact is more firmly established than that lying is a necessity of our +circumstances--the deduction that it is then a Virtue goes without +saying. No virtue can reach its highest usefulness without careful and +diligent cultivation--therefore, it goes without saying that this one +ought to be taught in the public schools--even in the newspapers. What +chance has the ignorant uncultivated liar against the educated expert? +What chance have I against Mr. Per--against a lawyer? _Judicious_ lying +is what the world needs. I sometimes think it were even better and safer +not to lie at all than to lie injudiciously. An awkward, unscientific +lie is often as ineffectual as the truth. + +Now let us see what the philosophers say. Note that venerable proverb: +Children and fools _always_ speak the truth. The deduction is plain +--adults and wise persons _never_ speak it. Parkman, the historian, says, +"The principle of truth may itself be carried into an absurdity." In +another place in the same chapters he says, "The saying is old that +truth should not be spoken at all times; and those whom a sick +conscience worries into habitual violation of the maxim are imbeciles +and nuisances." It is strong language, but true. None of us could _live_ +with an habitual truth-teller; but thank goodness none of us has to. An +habitual truth-teller is simply an impossible creature; he does not +exist; he never has existed. Of course there are people who _think_ they +never lie, but it is not so--and this ignorance is one of the very +things that shame our so-called civilization. Everybody lies--every day; +every hour; awake; asleep; in his dreams; in his joy; in his mourning; +if he keeps his tongue still, his hands, his feet, his eyes, his +attitude, will convey deception--and purposely. Even in sermons--but +that is a platitude. + +In a far country where I once lived the ladies used to go around paying +calls, under the humane and kindly pretence of wanting to see each +other; and when they returned home, they would cry out with a glad +voice, saying, "We made sixteen calls and found fourteen of them out" +--not meaning that they found out anything important against the +fourteen--no, that was only a colloquial phrase to signify that they +were not at home--and their manner of saying it expressed their lively +satisfaction in that fact. Now their pretence of wanting to see the +fourteen--and the other two whom they had been less lucky with--was that +commonest and mildest form of lying which is sufficiently described as a +deflection from the truth. Is it justifiable? Most certainly. It is +beautiful, it is noble; for its object is, _not_ to reap profit, but to +convey a pleasure to the sixteen. The iron-souled truth-monger would +plainly manifest, or even utter the fact that he didn't want to see +those people--and he would be an ass, and inflict totally unnecessary +pain. And next, those ladies in that far country--but never mind, they +had a thousand pleasant ways of lying, that grew out of gentle impulses, +and were a credit to their intelligence and an honor to their hearts. +Let the particulars go. + +The men in that far country were liars, every one. Their mere howdy-do +was a lie, because _they_ didn't care how you did, except they were +undertakers. To the ordinary inquirer you lied in return; for you made +no conscientious diagnostic of your case, but answered at random, and +usually missed it considerably. You lied to the undertaker, and said +your health was failing--a wholly commendable lie, since it cost you +nothing and pleased the other man. If a stranger called and interrupted +you, you said with your hearty tongue, "I'm glad to see you," and said +with your heartier soul, "I wish you were with the cannibals and it was +dinner-time." When he went, you said regretfully, "_Must_ you go?" and +followed it with a "Call again;" but you did no harm, for you did not +deceive anybody nor inflict any hurt, whereas the truth would have made +you both unhappy. + +I think that all this courteous lying is a sweet and loving art, and +should be cultivated. The highest perfection of politeness is only a +beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and +gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying. + +What I bemoan is the growing prevalence of the brutal truth. Let us do +what we can to eradicate it. An injurious truth has no merit over an +injurious lie. Neither should ever be uttered. The man who speaks an +injurious truth lest his soul be not saved if he do otherwise, should +reflect that that sort of a soul is not strictly worth saving. The man +who tells a lie to help a poor devil out of trouble, is one of whom the +angels doubtless say, "Lo, here is an heroic soul who casts his own +welfare in jeopardy to succor his neighbor's; let us exalt this +magnanimous liar." + +An injurious lie is an uncommendable thing; and so, also, and in the +same degree, is an injurious truth--a fact that is recognized by the law +of libel. + +Among other common lies, we have the _silent_ lie--the deception which +one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth. Many +obstinate truth-mongers indulge in this dissipation, imagining that if +they _speak_ no lie, they lie not at all. In that far country where I +once lived, there was a lovely spirit, a lady whose impulses were always +high and pure, and whose character answered to them. One day I was there +at dinner, and remarked, in a general way, that we are all liars. She +was amazed, and said, "Not _all_?" It was before "Pinafore's" time so I +did not make the response which would naturally follow in our day, but +frankly said, "Yes, _all_--we are all liars. There are no exceptions." +She looked almost offended, "Why, do you include _me_?" "Certainly," I +said. "I think you even rank as an expert." She said "Sh-'sh! the +children!" So the subject was changed in deference to the children's +presence, and we went on talking about other things. But as soon as the +young people were out of the way, the lady came warmly back to the +matter and said, "I have made a rule of my life to never tell a lie; and +I have never departed from it in a single instance." I said, "I don't +mean the least harm or disrespect, but really you have been lying like +smoke ever since I've been sitting here. It has caused me a good deal of +pain, because I'm not used to it." She required of me an instance--just +a single instance. So I said-- + +"Well, here is the unfilled duplicate of the blank, which the Oakland +hospital people sent to you by the hand of the sick-nurse when she came +here to nurse your little nephew through his dangerous illness. This +blank asks all manners of questions as to the conduct of that +sick-nurse: 'Did she ever sleep on her watch? Did she ever forget to +give the medicine?' and so forth and so on. You are warned to be very +careful and explicit in your answers, for the welfare of the service +requires that the nurses be promptly fined or otherwise punished for +derelictions. You told me you were perfectly delighted with this nurse +--that she had a thousand perfections and only one fault: you found you +never could depend on her wrapping Johnny up half sufficiently while he +waited in a chilly chair for her to rearrange the warm bed. You filled +up the duplicate of this paper, and sent it back to the hospital by the +hand of the nurse. How did you answer this question--'Was the nurse at +any time guilty of a negligence which was likely to result in the +patient's taking cold?' Come--everything is decided by a bet here in +California: ten dollars to ten cents you lied when you answered that +question." She said, "I didn't; _I left it blank!_" "Just so--you have +told a _silent_ lie; you have left it to be inferred that you had no +fault to find in that matter." She said, "Oh, was that a lie? And _how_ +could I mention her one single fault, and she is so good?--It would have +been cruel." I said, "One ought always to lie, when one can do good by +it; your impulse was right, but your judgment was crude; this comes of +unintelligent practice. Now observe the results of this inexpert +deflection of yours. You know Mr. Jones's Willie is lying very low with +scarlet-fever; well, your recommendation was so enthusiastic that that +girl is there nursing him, and the worn-out family have all been +trustingly sound asleep for the last fourteen hours, leaving their +darling with full confidence in those fatal hands, because you, like +young George Washington, have a reputa--However, if you are not going to +have anything to do, I will come around to-morrow and we'll attend the +funeral together, for, of course, you'll naturally feel a peculiar +interest in Willie's case--as personal a one, in fact, as the +undertaker." + +But that was not all lost. Before I was half-way through she was in a +carriage and making thirty miles an hour toward the Jones mansion to +save what was left of Willie and tell all she knew about the deadly +nurse. All of which was unnecessary, as Willie wasn't sick; I had been +lying myself. But that same day, all the same, she sent a line to the +hospital which filled up the neglected blank, and stated the _facts,_ +too, in the squarest possible manner. + +Now, you see, this lady's fault was _not_ in lying, but in lying +injudiciously. She should have told the truth, _there,_ and made it up +to the nurse with a fraudulent compliment further along in the paper. +She could have said, "In one respect this sick-nurse is perfection--when +she is on the watch, she never snores." Almost any little pleasant lie +would have taken the sting out of that troublesome but necessary +expression of the truth. + +Lying is universal--we _all_ do it. Therefore, the wise thing is for us +diligently to train ourselves to lie thoughtfully, judiciously; to lie +with a good object, and not an evil one; to lie for others' advantage, +and not our own; to lie healingly, charitably, humanely, not cruelly, +hurtfully, maliciously; to lie gracefully and graciously, not awkwardly +and clumsily; to lie firmly, frankly, squarely, with head erect, not +haltingly, tortuously, with pusillanimous mien, as being ashamed of our +high calling. Then shall we be rid of the rank and pestilent truth that +is rotting the land; then shall we be great and good and beautiful, and +worthy dwellers in a world where even benign Nature habitually lies, +except when she promises execrable weather. Then--But I am but a new and +feeble student in this gracious art; I cannot instruct _this_ club. + +Joking aside, I think there is much need of wise examination into what +sorts of lies are best and wholesomest to be indulged, seeing we _must_ +all lie and we _do_ all lie, and what sorts it may be best to avoid--and +this is a thing which I feel I can confidently put into the hands of +this experienced Club--a ripe body, who may be termed, in this regard, +and without undue flattery, Old Masters. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of On the Decay of the Art of Lying +by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ON THE DECAY OF THE ART OF LYING *** + +***** This file should be named 2572.txt or 2572.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/5/7/2572/ + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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