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diff --git a/2547-0.txt b/2547-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..163362e --- /dev/null +++ b/2547-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2134 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook of Half a Life-time Ago, by Elizabeth Gaskell + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and +most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you +will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before +using this eBook. + +Title: Half a Life-time Ago + +Author: Elizabeth Gaskell + +Release Date: April 21, 2000 [eBook #2547] +[Most recently updated: April 20, 2021] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +Produced by: David Price + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HALF A LIFE-TIME AGO *** + + + + +Half a Life-time Ago + +by Elizabeth Gaskell + + +Contents + + CHAPTER I. + CHAPTER II. + CHAPTER III. + CHAPTER IV. + CHAPTER V. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +Half a life-time ago, there lived in one of the Westmoreland dales a +single woman, of the name of Susan Dixon. She was owner of the small +farm-house where she resided, and of some thirty or forty acres of land +by which it was surrounded. She had also an hereditary right to a +sheep-walk, extending to the wild fells that overhang Blea Tarn. In the +language of the country she was a Stateswoman. Her house is yet to be +seen on the Oxenfell road, between Skelwith and Coniston. You go along +a moorland track, made by the carts that occasionally came for turf +from the Oxenfell. A brook babbles and brattles by the wayside, giving +you a sense of companionship, which relieves the deep solitude in which +this way is usually traversed. Some miles on this side of Coniston +there is a farmstead—a gray stone house, and a square of farm-buildings +surrounding a green space of rough turf, in the midst of which stands a +mighty, funereal umbrageous yew, making a solemn shadow, as of death, +in the very heart and centre of the light and heat of the brightest +summer day. On the side away from the house, this yard slopes down to a +dark-brown pool, which is supplied with fresh water from the +overflowings of a stone cistern, into which some rivulet of the brook +before-mentioned continually and melodiously falls bubbling. The cattle +drink out of this cistern. The household bring their pitchers and fill +them with drinking-water by a dilatory, yet pretty, process. The +water-carrier brings with her a leaf of the hound’s-tongue fern, and, +inserting it in the crevice of the gray rock, makes a cool, green spout +for the sparkling stream. + +The house is no specimen, at the present day, of what it was in the +lifetime of Susan Dixon. Then, every small diamond pane in the windows +glittered with cleanliness. You might have eaten off the floor; you +could see yourself in the pewter plates and the polished oaken awmry, +or dresser, of the state kitchen into which you entered. Few strangers +penetrated further than this room. Once or twice, wandering tourists, +attracted by the lonely picturesqueness of the situation, and the +exquisite cleanliness of the house itself, made their way into this +house-place, and offered money enough (as they thought) to tempt the +hostess to receive them as lodgers. They would give no trouble, they +said; they would be out rambling or sketching all day long; would be +perfectly content with a share of the food which she provided for +herself; or would procure what they required from the Waterhead Inn at +Coniston. But no liberal sum—no fair words—moved her from her stony +manner, or her monotonous tone of indifferent refusal. No persuasion +could induce her to show any more of the house than that first room; no +appearance of fatigue procured for the weary an invitation to sit down +and rest; and if one more bold and less delicate did so without being +asked, Susan stood by, cold and apparently deaf, or only replying by +the briefest monosyllables, till the unwelcome visitor had departed. +Yet those with whom she had dealings, in the way of selling her cattle +or her farm produce, spoke of her as keen after a bargain—a hard one to +have to do with; and she never spared herself exertion or fatigue, at +market or in the field, to make the most of her produce. She led the +hay-makers with her swift, steady rake, and her noiseless evenness of +motion. She was about among the earliest in the market, examining +samples of oats, pricing them, and then turning with grim satisfaction +to her own cleaner corn. + +She was served faithfully and long by those who were rather her +fellow-labourers than her servants. She was even and just in her +dealings with them. If she was peculiar and silent, they knew her, and +knew that she might be relied on. Some of them had known her from her +childhood; and deep in their hearts was an unspoken—almost +unconscious—pity for her, for they knew her story, though they never +spoke of it. + +Yes; the time had been when that tall, gaunt, hard-featured, angular +woman—who never smiled, and hardly ever spoke an unnecessary word—had +been a fine-looking girl, bright-spirited and rosy; and when the hearth +at the Yew Nook had been as bright as she, with family love and +youthful hope and mirth. Fifty or fifty-one years ago, William Dixon +and his wife Margaret were alive; and Susan, their daughter, was about +eighteen years old—ten years older than the only other child, a boy +named after his father. William and Margaret Dixon were rather superior +people, of a character belonging—as far as I have seen—exclusively to +the class of Westmoreland and Cumberland statesmen—just, independent, +upright; not given to much speaking; kind-hearted, but not +demonstrative; disliking change, and new ways, and new people; sensible +and shrewd; each household self-contained, and its members having +little curiosity as to their neighbours, with whom they rarely met for +any social intercourse, save at the stated times of sheep-shearing and +Christmas; having a certain kind of sober pleasure in amassing money, +which occasionally made them miserable (as they call miserly people up +in the north) in their old age; reading no light or ephemeral +literature, but the grave, solid books brought round by the pedlars +(such as the “Paradise Lost” and “Regained,’” “The Death of Abel,” “The +Spiritual Quixote,” and “The Pilgrim’s Progress”), were to be found in +nearly every house: the men occasionally going off laking, _i.e._ +playing, _i.e._ drinking for days together, and having to be hunted up +by anxious wives, who dared not leave their husbands to the chances of +the wild precipitous roads, but walked miles and miles, lantern in +hand, in the dead of night, to discover and guide the solemnly-drunken +husband home; who had a dreadful headache the next day, and the day +after that came forth as grave, and sober, and virtuous looking as if +there were no such thing as malt and spirituous liquors in the world; +and who were seldom reminded of their misdoings by their wives, to whom +such occasional outbreaks were as things of course, when once the +immediate anxiety produced by them was over. Such were—such are—the +characteristics of a class now passing away from the face of the land, +as their compeers, the yeomen, have done before them. Of such was +William Dixon. He was a shrewd clever farmer, in his day and +generation, when shrewdness was rather shown in the breeding and +rearing of sheep and cattle than in the cultivation of land. Owing to +this character of his, statesmen from a distance from beyond Kendal, or +from Borrowdale, of greater wealth than he, would send their sons to be +farm-servants for a year or two with him, in order to learn some of his +methods before setting up on land of their own. When Susan, his +daughter, was about seventeen, one Michael Hurst was farm-servant at +Yew Nook. He worked with the master, and lived with the family, and was +in all respects treated as an equal, except in the field. His father +was a wealthy statesman at Wythburne, up beyond Grasmere; and through +Michael’s servitude the families had become acquainted, and the Dixons +went over to the High Beck sheep-shearing, and the Hursts came down by +Red Bank and Loughrig Tarn and across the Oxenfell when there was the +Christmas-tide feasting at Yew Nook. The fathers strolled round the +fields together, examined cattle and sheep, and looked knowing over +each other’s horses. The mothers inspected the dairies and household +arrangements, each openly admiring the plans of the other, but secretly +preferring their own. Both fathers and mothers cast a glance from time +to time at Michael and Susan, who were thinking of nothing less than +farm or dairy, but whose unspoken attachment was, in all ways, so +suitable and natural a thing that each parent rejoiced over it, +although with characteristic reserve it was never spoken about—not even +between husband and wife. + +Susan had been a strong, independent, healthy girl; a clever help to +her mother, and a spirited companion to her father; more of a man in +her (as he often said) than her delicate little brother ever would +have. He was his mother’s darling, although she loved Susan well. There +was no positive engagement between Michael and Susan—I doubt whether +even plain words of love had been spoken; when one winter-time Margaret +Dixon was seized with inflammation consequent upon a neglected cold. +She had always been strong and notable, and had been too busy to attend +to the early symptoms of illness. It would go off, she said to the +woman who helped in the kitchen; or if she did not feel better when +they had got the hams and bacon out of hand, she would take some +herb-tea and nurse up a bit. But Death could not wait till the hams and +bacon were cured: he came on with rapid strides, and shooting arrows of +portentous agony. Susan had never seen illness—never knew how much she +loved her mother till now, when she felt a dreadful, instinctive +certainty that she was losing her. Her mind was thronged with +recollections of the many times she had slighted her mother’s wishes; +her heart was full of the echoes of careless and angry replies that she +had spoken. What would she not now give to have opportunities of +service and obedience, and trials of her patience and love, for that +dear mother who lay gasping in torture! And yet Susan had been a good +girl and an affectionate daughter. + +The sharp pain went off, and delicious ease came on; yet still her +mother sunk. In the midst of this languid peace she was dying. She +motioned Susan to her bedside, for she could only whisper; and then, +while the father was out of the room, she spoke as much to the eager, +hungering eyes of her daughter by the motion of her lips, as by the +slow, feeble sounds of her voice. + +“Susan, lass, thou must not fret. It is God’s will, and thou wilt have +a deal to do. Keep father straight if thou canst; and if he goes out +Ulverstone ways, see that thou meet him before he gets to the Old +Quarry. It’s a dree bit for a man who has had a drop. As for lile +Will”—Here the poor woman’s face began to work and her fingers to move +nervously as they lay on the bed-quilt—“lile Will will miss me most of +all. Father’s often vexed with him because he’s not a quick strong lad; +he is not, my poor lile chap. And father thinks he’s saucy, because he +cannot always stomach oat-cake and porridge. There’s better than three +pound in th’ old black tea-pot on the top shelf of the cupboard. Just +keep a piece of loaf-bread by you, Susan dear, for Will to come to when +he’s not taken his breakfast. I have, may be, spoilt him; but there’ll +be no one to spoil him now.” + +She began to cry a low, feeble cry, and covered up her face that Susan +might not see her. That dear face! those precious moments while yet the +eyes could look out with love and intelligence. Susan laid her head +down close by her mother’s ear. + +“Mother I’ll take tent of Will. Mother, do you hear? He shall not want +ought I can give or get for him, least of all the kind words which you +had ever ready for us both. Bless you! bless you! my own mother.” + +“Thou’lt promise me that, Susan, wilt thou? I can die easy if thou’lt +take charge of him. But he’s hardly like other folk; he tries father at +times, though I think father’ll be tender of him when I’m gone, for my +sake. And, Susan, there’s one thing more. I never spoke on it for fear +of the bairn being called a tell-tale, but I just comforted him up. He +vexes Michael at times, and Michael has struck him before now. I did +not want to make a stir; but he’s not strong, and a word from thee, +Susan, will go a long way with Michael.” + +Susan was as red now as she had been pale before; it was the first time +that her influence over Michael had been openly acknowledged by a third +person, and a flash of joy came athwart the solemn sadness of the +moment. Her mother had spoken too much, and now came on the miserable +faintness. She never spoke again coherently; but when her children and +her husband stood by her bedside, she took lile Will’s hand and put it +into Susan’s, and looked at her with imploring eyes. Susan clasped her +arms round Will, and leaned her head upon his little curly one, and +vowed within herself to be as a mother to him. + +Henceforward she was all in all to her brother. She was a more spirited +and amusing companion to him than his mother had been, from her greater +activity, and perhaps, also, from her originality of character, which +often prompted her to perform her habitual actions in some new and racy +manner. She was tender to lile Will when she was prompt and sharp with +everybody else—with Michael most of all; for somehow the girl felt +that, unprotected by her mother, she must keep up her own dignity, and +not allow her lover to see how strong a hold he had upon her heart. He +called her hard and cruel, and left her so; and she smiled softly to +herself, when his back was turned, to think how little he guessed how +deeply he was loved. For Susan was merely comely and fine looking; +Michael was strikingly handsome, admired by all the girls for miles +round, and quite enough of a country coxcomb to know it and plume +himself accordingly. He was the second son of his father; the eldest +would have High Beck farm, of course, but there was a good penny in the +Kendal bank in store for Michael. When harvest was over, he went to +Chapel Langdale to learn to dance; and at night, in his merry moods, he +would do his steps on the flag floor of the Yew Nook kitchen, to the +secret admiration of Susan, who had never learned dancing, but who +flouted him perpetually, even while she admired, in accordance with the +rule she seemed to have made for herself about keeping him at a +distance so long as he lived under the same roof with her. One evening +he sulked at some saucy remark of hers; he sitting in the chimney +corner with his arms on his knees, and his head bent forwards, lazily +gazing into the wood-fire on the hearth, and luxuriating in rest after +a hard day’s labour; she sitting among the geraniums on the long, low +window-seat, trying to catch the last slanting rays of the autumnal +light to enable her to finish stitching a shirt-collar for Will, who +lounged full length on the flags at the other side of the hearth to +Michael, poking the burning wood from time to time with a long +hazel-stick to bring out the leap of glittering sparks. + +“And if you can dance a threesome reel, what good does it do ye?” asked +Susan, looking askance at Michael, who had just been vaunting his +proficiency. “Does it help you plough, reap, or even climb the rocks to +take a raven’s nest? If I were a man, I’d be ashamed to give in to such +softness.” + +“If you were a man, you’d be glad to do anything which made the pretty +girls stand round and admire.” + +“As they do to you, eh! Ho, Michael, that would not be my way o’ being +a man!” + +“What would then?” asked he, after a pause, during which he had +expected in vain that she would go on with her sentence. No answer. + +“I should not like you as a man, Susy; you’d be too hard and +headstrong.” + +“Am I hard and headstrong?” asked she, with as indifferent a tone as +she could assume, but which yet had a touch of pique in it. His quick +ear detected the inflexion. + +“No, Susy! You’re wilful at times, and that’s right enough. I don’t +like a girl without spirit. There’s a mighty pretty girl comes to the +dancing class; but she is all milk and water. Her eyes never flash like +yours when you’re put out; why, I can see them flame across the kitchen +like a cat’s in the dark. Now, if you were a man, I should feel queer +before those looks of yours; as it is, I rather like them, because—” + +“Because what?” asked she, looking up and perceiving that he had stolen +close up to her. + +“Because I can make all right in this way,” said he, kissing her +suddenly. + +“Can you?” said she, wrenching herself out of his grasp and panting, +half with rage. “Take that, by way of proof that making right is none +so easy.” And she boxed his ears pretty sharply. He went back to his +seat discomfited and out of temper. She could no longer see to look, +even if her face had not burnt and her eyes dazzled, but she did not +choose to move her seat, so she still preserved her stooping attitude +and pretended to go on sewing. + +“Eleanor Hebthwaite may be milk-and-water,” muttered he, “but—Confound +thee, lad! what art thou doing?” exclaimed Michael, as a great piece of +burning wood was cast into his face by an unlucky poke of Will’s. “Thou +great lounging, clumsy chap, I’ll teach thee better!” and with one or +two good round kicks he sent the lad whimpering away into the +back-kitchen. When he had a little recovered himself from his passion, +he saw Susan standing before him, her face looking strange and almost +ghastly by the reversed position of the shadows, arising from the +firelight shining upwards right under it. + +“I tell thee what, Michael,” said she, “that lad’s motherless, but not +friendless.” + +“His own father leathers him, and why should not I, when he’s given me +such a burn on my face?” said Michael, putting up his hand to his cheek +as if in pain. + +“His father’s his father, and there is nought more to be said. But if +he did burn thee, it was by accident, and not o’ purpose; as thou +kicked him, it’s a mercy if his ribs are not broken.” + +“He howls loud enough, I’m sure. I might ha’ kicked many a lad twice as +hard, and they’d ne’er ha’ said ought but ‘damn ye;’ but yon lad must +needs cry out like a stuck pig if one touches him;” replied Michael, +sullenly. + +Susan went back to the window-seat, and looked absently out of the +window at the drifting clouds for a minute or two, while her eyes +filled with tears. Then she got up and made for the outer door which +led into the back-kitchen. Before she reached it, however, she heard a +low voice, whose music made her thrill, say— + +“Susan, Susan!” + +Her heart melted within her, but it seemed like treachery to her poor +boy, like faithlessness to her dead mother, to turn to her lover while +the tears which he had caused to flow were yet unwiped on Will’s +cheeks. So she seemed to take no heed, but passed into the darkness, +and, guided by the sobs, she found her way to where Willie sat crouched +among the disused tubs and churns. + +“Come out wi’ me, lad;” and they went out into the orchard, where the +fruit-trees were bare of leaves, but ghastly in their tattered covering +of gray moss: and the soughing November wind came with long sweeps over +the fells till it rattled among the crackling boughs, underneath which +the brother and sister sat in the dark; he in her lap, and she hushing +his head against her shoulder. + +“Thou should’st na’ play wi’ fire. It’s a naughty trick. Thoul’t suffer +for it in worse ways nor this before thou’st done, I’m afeared. I +should ha’ hit thee twice as lungeous kicks as Mike, if I’d been in his +place. He did na’ hurt thee, I am sure,” she assumed, half as a +question. + +“Yes but he did. He turned me quite sick.” And he let his head fall +languidly down on his sister’s breast. + +“Come, lad! come, lad!” said she anxiously. “Be a man. It was not much +that I saw. Why, when first the red cow came she kicked me far harder +for offering to milk her before her legs were tied. See thee! here’s a +peppermint-drop, and I’ll make thee a pasty to-night; only don’t give +way so, for it hurts me sore to think that Michael has done thee any +harm, my pretty.” + +Willie roused himself up, and put back the wet and ruffled hair from +his heated face; and he and Susan rose up, and hand-in-hand went +towards the house, walking slowly and quietly except for a kind of sob +which Willie could not repress. Susan took him to the pump and washed +his tear-stained face, till she thought she had obliterated all traces +of the recent disturbance, arranging his curls for him, and then she +kissed him tenderly, and led him in, hoping to find Michael in the +kitchen, and make all straight between them. But the blaze had dropped +down into darkness; the wood was a heap of gray ashes in which the +sparks ran hither and thither; but even in the groping darkness Susan +knew by the sinking at her heart that Michael was not there. She threw +another brand on the hearth and lighted the candle, and sat down to her +work in silence. Willie cowered on his stool by the side of the fire, +eyeing his sister from time to time, and sorry and oppressed, he knew +not why, by the sight of her grave, almost stern face. No one came. +They two were in the house alone. The old woman who helped Susan with +the household work had gone out for the night to some friend’s +dwelling. William Dixon, the father, was up on the fells seeing after +his sheep. Susan had no heart to prepare the evening meal. + +“Susy, darling, are you angry with me?” said Willie, in his little +piping, gentle voice. He had stolen up to his sister’s side. “I won’t +never play with the fire again; and I’ll not cry if Michael does kick +me. Only don’t look so like dead mother—don’t—don’t—please don’t!” he +exclaimed, hiding his face on her shoulder. + +“I’m not angry, Willie,” said she. “Don’t be feared on me. You want +your supper, and you shall have it; and don’t you be feared on Michael. +He shall give reason for every hair of your head that he touches—he +shall.” + +When William Dixon came home he found Susan and Willie sitting +together, hand-in-hand, and apparently pretty cheerful. He bade them go +to bed, for that he would sit up for Michael; and the next morning, +when Susan came down, she found that Michael had started an hour before +with the cart for lime. It was a long day’s work; Susan knew it would +be late, perhaps later than on the preceding night, before he +returned—at any rate, past her usual bed-time; and on no account would +she stop up a minute beyond that hour in the kitchen, whatever she +might do in her bed-room. Here she sat and watched till past midnight; +and when she saw him coming up the brow with the carts, she knew full +well, even in that faint moonlight, that his gait was the gait of a man +in liquor. But though she was annoyed and mortified to find in what way +he had chosen to forget her, the fact did not disgust or shock her as +it would have done many a girl, even at that day, who had not been +brought up as Susan had, among a class who considered it no crime, but +rather a mark of spirit, in a man to get drunk occasionally. +Nevertheless, she chose to hold herself very high all the next day when +Michael was, perforce, obliged to give up any attempt to do heavy work, +and hung about the out-buildings and farm in a very disconsolate and +sickly state. Willie had far more pity on him than Susan. Before +evening, Willie and he were fast, and, on his side, ostentatious +friends. Willie rode the horses down to water; Willie helped him to +chop wood. Susan sat gloomily at her work, hearing an indistinct but +cheerful conversation going on in the shippon, while the cows were +being milked. She almost felt irritated with her little brother, as if +he were a traitor, and had gone over to the enemy in the very battle +that she was fighting in his cause. She was alone with no one to speak +to, while they prattled on regardless if she were glad or sorry. + +Soon Willie burst in. “Susan! Susan! come with me; I’ve something so +pretty to show you. Round the corner of the barn—run! run!” (He was +dragging her along, half reluctant, half desirous of some change in +that weary day.) Round the corner of the barn; and caught hold of by +Michael, who stood there awaiting her. + +“O Willie!” cried she “you naughty boy. There is nothing pretty—what +have you brought me here for? Let me go; I won’t be held.” + +“Only one word. Nay, if you wish it so much, you may go,” said Michael, +suddenly loosing his hold as she struggled. But now she was free, she +only drew off a step or two, murmuring something about Willie. + +“You are going, then?” said Michael, with seeming sadness. “You won’t +hear me say a word of what is in my heart.” + +“How can I tell whether it is what I should like to hear?” replied she, +still drawing back. + +“That is just what I want you to tell me; I want you to hear it and +then to tell me whether you like it or not.” + +“Well, you may speak,” replied she, turning her back, and beginning to +plait the hem of her apron. + +He came close to her ear. + +“I’m sorry I hurt Willie the other night. He has forgiven me. Can you?” + +“You hurt him very badly,” she replied. “But you are right to be sorry. +I forgive you.” + +“Stop, stop!” said he, laying his hand upon her arm. “There is +something more I’ve got to say. I want you to be my—what is it they +call it, Susan?” + +“I don’t know,” said she, half-laughing, but trying to get away with +all her might now; and she was a strong girl, but she could not manage +it. + +“You do. My—what is it I want you to be?” + +“I tell you I don’t know, and you had best be quiet, and just let me go +in, or I shall think you’re as bad now as you were last night.” + +“And how did you know what I was last night? It was past twelve when I +came home. Were you watching? Ah, Susan! be my wife, and you shall +never have to watch for a drunken husband. If I were your husband, I +would come straight home, and count every minute an hour till I saw +your bonny face. Now you know what I want you to be. I ask you to be my +wife. Will you, my own dear Susan?” + +She did not speak for some time. Then she only said “Ask father.” And +now she was really off like a lapwing round the corner of the barn, and +up in her own little room, crying with all her might, before the +triumphant smile had left Michael’s face where he stood. + +The “Ask father” was a mere form to be gone though. Old Daniel Hurst +and William Dixon had talked over what they could respectively give +their children before this; and that was the parental way of arranging +such matters. When the probable amount of worldly gear that he could +give his child had been named by each father, the young folk, as they +said, might take their own time in coming to the point which the old +men, with the prescience of experience, saw they were drifting to; no +need to hurry them, for they were both young, and Michael, though +active enough, was too thoughtless, old Daniel said, to be trusted with +the entire management of a farm. Meanwhile, his father would look about +him, and see after all the farms that were to be let. + +Michael had a shrewd notion of this preliminary understanding between +the fathers, and so felt less daunted than he might otherwise have done +at making the application for Susan’s hand. It was all right, there was +not an obstacle; only a deal of good advice, which the lover thought +might have as well been spared, and which it must be confessed he did +not much attend to, although he assented to every part of it. Then +Susan was called down stairs, and slowly came dropping into view down +the steps which led from the two family apartments into the +house-place. She tried to look composed and quiet, but it could not be +done. She stood side by side with her lover, with her head drooping, +her cheeks burning, not daring to look up or move, while her father +made the newly-betrothed a somewhat formal address in which he gave his +consent, and many a piece of worldly wisdom beside. Susan listened as +well as she could for the beating of her heart; but when her father +solemnly and sadly referred to his own lost wife, she could keep from +sobbing no longer; but throwing her apron over her face, she sat down +on the bench by the dresser, and fairly gave way to pent-up tears. Oh, +how strangely sweet to be comforted as she was comforted, by tender +caress, and many a low-whispered promise of love! Her father sat by the +fire, thinking of the days that were gone; Willie was still out of +doors; but Susan and Michael felt no one’s presence or absence—they +only knew they were together as betrothed husband and wife. + +In a week, or two, they were formally told of the arrangements to be +made in their favour. A small farm in the neighbourhood happened to +fall vacant; and Michael’s father offered to take it for him, and be +responsible for the rent for the first year, while William Dixon was to +contribute a certain amount of stock, and both fathers were to help +towards the furnishing of the house. Susan received all this +information in a quiet, indifferent way; she did not care much for any +of these preparations, which were to hurry her through the happy hours; +she cared least of all for the money amount of dowry and of substance. +It jarred on her to be made the confidante of occasional slight +repinings of Michael’s, as one by one his future father-in-law set +aside a beast or a pig for Susan’s portion, which were not always the +best animals of their kind upon the farm. But he also complained of his +own father’s stinginess, which somewhat, though not much, alleviated +Susan’s dislike to being awakened out of her pure dream of love to the +consideration of worldly wealth. + +But in the midst of all this bustle, Willie moped and pined. He had the +same chord of delicacy running through his mind that made his body +feeble and weak. He kept out of the way, and was apparently occupied in +whittling and carving uncouth heads on hazel-sticks in an out-house. +But he positively avoided Michael, and shrunk away even from Susan. She +was too much occupied to notice this at first. Michael pointed it out +to her, saying, with a laugh,— + +“Look at Willie! he might be a cast-off lover and jealous of me, he +looks so dark and downcast at me.” Michael spoke this jest out loud, +and Willie burst into tears, and ran out of the house. + +“Let me go. Let me go!” said Susan (for her lover’s arm was round her +waist). “I must go to him if he’s fretting. I promised mother I would!” +She pulled herself away, and went in search of the boy. She sought in +byre and barn, through the orchard, where indeed in this leafless +winter-time there was no great concealment; up into the room where the +wool was usually stored in the later summer, and at last she found him, +sitting at bay, like some hunted creature, up behind the wood-stack. + +“What are ye gone for, lad, and me seeking you everywhere?” asked she, +breathless. + +“I did not know you would seek me. I’ve been away many a time, and no +one has cared to seek me,” said he, crying afresh. + +“Nonsense,” replied Susan, “don’t be so foolish, ye little +good-for-nought.” But she crept up to him in the hole he had made +underneath the great, brown sheafs of wood, and squeezed herself down +by him. “What for should folk seek after you, when you get away from +them whenever you can?” asked she. + +“They don’t want me to stay. Nobody wants me. If I go with father, he +says I hinder more than I help. You used to like to have me with you. +But now, you’ve taken up with Michael, and you’d rather I was away; and +I can just bide away; but I cannot stand Michael jeering at me. He’s +got you to love him and that might serve him.” + +“But I love you, too, dearly, lad!” said she, putting her arm round his +neck. + +“Which one of us do you like best?” said he, wistfully, after a little +pause, putting her arm away, so that he might look in her face, and see +if she spoke truth. + +She went very red. + +“You should not ask such questions. They are not fit for you to ask, +nor for me to answer.” + +“But mother bade you love me!” said he, plaintively. + +“And so I do. And so I ever will do. Lover nor husband shall come +betwixt thee and me, lad—ne’er a one of them. That I promise thee (as I +promised mother before), in the sight of God and with her hearkening +now, if ever she can hearken to earthly word again. Only I cannot abide +to have thee fretting, just because my heart is large enough for two.” + +“And thou’lt love me always?” + +“Always, and ever. And the more—the more thou’lt love Michael,” said +she, dropping her voice. + +“I’ll try,” said the boy, sighing, for he remembered many a harsh word +and blow of which his sister knew nothing. She would have risen up to +go away, but he held her tight, for here and now she was all his own, +and he did not know when such a time might come again. So the two sat +crouched up and silent, till they heard the horn blowing at the +field-gate, which was the summons home to any wanderers belonging to +the farm, and at this hour of the evening, signified that supper was +ready. Then the two went in. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +Susan and Michael were to be married in April. He had already gone to +take possession of his new farm, three or four miles away from Yew +Nook—but that is neighbouring, according to the acceptation of the word +in that thinly-populated district,—when William Dixon fell ill. He came +home one evening, complaining of head-ache and pains in his limbs, but +seemed to loathe the posset which Susan prepared for him; the +treacle-posset which was the homely country remedy against an incipient +cold. He took to his bed with a sensation of exceeding weariness, and +an odd, unusual looking-back to the days of his youth, when he was a +lad living with his parents, in this very house. + +The next morning he had forgotten all his life since then, and did not +know his own children; crying, like a newly-weaned baby, for his mother +to come and soothe away his terrible pain. The doctor from Coniston +said it was the typhus-fever, and warned Susan of its infectious +character, and shook his head over his patient. There were no near +friends to come and share her anxiety; only good, kind old Peggy, who +was faithfulness itself, and one or two labourers’ wives, who would +fain have helped her, had not their hands been tied by their +responsibility to their own families. But, somehow, Susan neither +feared nor flagged. As for fear, indeed, she had no time to give way to +it, for every energy of both body and mind was required. Besides, the +young have had too little experience of the danger of infection to +dread it much. She did indeed wish, from time to time, that Michael had +been at home to have taken Willie over to his father’s at High Beck; +but then, again, the lad was docile and useful to her, and his +fecklessness in many things might make him harshly treated by +strangers; so, perhaps, it was as well that Michael was away at Appleby +fair, or even beyond that—gone into Yorkshire after horses. + +Her father grew worse; and the doctor insisted on sending over a nurse +from Coniston. Not a professed nurse—Coniston could not have supported +such a one; but a widow who was ready to go where the doctor sent her +for the sake of the payment. When she came, Susan suddenly gave way; +she was felled by the fever herself, and lay unconscious for long +weeks. Her consciousness returned to her one spring afternoon; early +spring: April,—her wedding-month. There was a little fire burning in +the small corner-grate, and the flickering of the blaze was enough for +her to notice in her weak state. She felt that there was some one +sitting on the window-side of her bed, behind the curtain, but she did +not care to know who it was; it was even too great a trouble for her +languid mind to consider who it was likely to be. She would rather shut +her eyes, and melt off again into the gentle luxury of sleep. The next +time she wakened, the Coniston nurse perceived her movement, and made +her a cup of tea, which she drank with eager relish; but still they did +not speak, and once more Susan lay motionless—not asleep, but +strangely, pleasantly conscious of all the small chamber and household +sounds; the fall of a cinder on the hearth, the fitful singing of the +half-empty kettle, the cattle tramping out to field again after they +had been milked, the aged step on the creaking stair—old Peggy’s, as +she knew. It came to her door; it stopped; the person outside listened +for a moment, and then lifted the wooden latch, and looked in. The +watcher by the bedside arose, and went to her. Susan would have been +glad to see Peggy’s face once more, but was far too weak to turn, so +she lay and listened. + +“How is she?” whispered one trembling, aged voice. + +“Better,” replied the other. “She’s been awake, and had a cup of tea. +She’ll do now.” + +“Has she asked after him?” + +“Hush! No; she has not spoken a word.” + +“Poor lass! poor lass!” + +The door was shut. A weak feeling of sorrow and self-pity came over +Susan. What was wrong? Whom had she loved? And dawning, dawning, slowly +rose the sun of her former life, and all particulars were made distinct +to her. She felt that some sorrow was coming to her, and cried over it +before she knew what it was, or had strength enough to ask. In the dead +of night,—and she had never slept again,—she softly called to the +watcher, and asked— + +“Who?” + +“Who what?” replied the woman, with a conscious affright, ill-veiled by +a poor assumption of ease. “Lie still, there’s a darling, and go to +sleep. Sleep’s better for you than all the doctor’s stuff.” + +“Who?” repeated Susan. “Something is wrong. Who?” + +“Oh, dear!” said the woman. “There’s nothing wrong. Willie has taken +the turn, and is doing nicely.” + +“Father?” + +“Well! he’s all right now,” she answered, looking another way, as if +seeking for something. + +“Then it’s Michael! Oh, me! oh, me!” She set up a succession of weak, +plaintive, hysterical cries before the nurse could pacify her, by +declaring that Michael had been at the house not three hours before to +ask after her, and looked as well and as hearty as ever man did. + +“And you heard of no harm to him since?” inquired Susan. + +“Bless the lass, no, for sure! I’ve ne’er heard his name named since I +saw him go out of the yard as stout a man as ever trod shoe-leather.” + +It was well, as the nurse said afterwards to Peggy, that Susan had been +so easily pacified by the equivocating answer in respect to her father. +If she had pressed the questions home in his case as she did in +Michael’s, she would have learnt that he was dead and buried more than +a month before. It was well, too, that in her weak state of +convalescence (which lasted long after this first day of consciousness) +her perceptions were not sharp enough to observe the sad change that +had taken place in Willie. His bodily strength returned, his appetite +was something enormous, but his eyes wandered continually; his regard +could not be arrested; his speech became slow, impeded, and incoherent. +People began to say that the fever had taken away the little wit Willie +Dixon had ever possessed and that they feared that he would end in +being a “natural,” as they call an idiot in the Dales. + +The habitual affection and obedience to Susan lasted longer than any +other feeling that the boy had had previous to his illness; and, +perhaps, this made her be the last to perceive what every one else had +long anticipated. She felt the awakening rude when it did come. It was +in this wise:— + +One June evening, she sat out of doors under the yew-tree, knitting. +She was pale still from her recent illness; and her languor, joined to +the fact of her black dress, made her look more than usually +interesting. She was no longer the buoyant self-sufficient Susan, equal +to every occasion. The men were bringing in the cows to be milked, and +Michael was about in the yard giving orders and directions with +somewhat the air of a master, for the farm belonged of right to Willie, +and Susan had succeeded to the guardianship of her brother. Michael and +she were to be married as soon as she was strong enough—so, perhaps, +his authoritative manner was justified; but the labourers did not like +it, although they said little. They remembered a stripling on the farm, +knowing far less than they did, and often glad to shelter his ignorance +of all agricultural matters behind their superior knowledge. They would +have taken orders from Susan with far more willingness; nay, Willie +himself might have commanded them; and from the old hereditary feeling +toward the owners of land, they would have obeyed him with far greater +cordiality than they now showed to Michael. But Susan was tired with +even three rounds of knitting, and seemed not to notice, or to care, +how things went on around her; and Willie—poor Willie!—there he stood +lounging against the door-sill, enormously grown and developed, to be +sure, but with restless eyes and ever-open mouth, and every now and +then setting up a strange kind of howling cry, and then smiling +vacantly to himself at the sound he had made. As the two old labourers +passed him, they looked at each other ominously, and shook their heads. + +“Willie, darling,” said Susan, “don’t make that noise—it makes my head +ache.” + +She spoke feebly, and Willie did not seem to hear; at any rate, he +continued his howl from time to time. + +“Hold thy noise, wilt’a?” said Michael, roughly, as he passed near him, +and threatening him with his fist. Susan’s back was turned to the pair. +The expression of Willie’s face changed from vacancy to fear, and he +came shambling up to Susan, who put her arm round him, and, as if +protected by that shelter, he began making faces at Michael. Susan saw +what was going on, and, as if now first struck by the strangeness of +her brother’s manner, she looked anxiously at Michael for an +explanation. Michael was irritated at Willie’s defiance of him, and did +not mince the matter. + +“It’s just that the fever has left him silly—he never was as wise as +other folk, and now I doubt if he will ever get right.” + +Susan did not speak, but she went very pale, and her lip quivered. She +looked long and wistfully at Willie’s face, as he watched the motion of +the ducks in the great stable-pool. He laughed softly to himself every +now and then. + +“Willie likes to see the ducks go overhead,” said Susan, instinctively +adopting the form of speech she would have used to a young child. + +“Willie, boo! Willie, boo!” he replied, clapping his hands, and +avoiding her eye. + +“Speak properly, Willie,” said Susan, making a strong effort at +self-control, and trying to arrest his attention. + +“You know who I am—tell me my name!” She grasped his arm almost +painfully tight to make him attend. Now he looked at her, and, for an +instant, a gleam of recognition quivered over his face; but the +exertion was evidently painful, and he began to cry at the vainness of +the effort to recall her name. He hid his face upon her shoulder with +the old affectionate trick of manner. She put him gently away, and went +into the house into her own little bedroom. She locked the door, and +did not reply at all to Michael’s calls for her, hardly spoke to old +Peggy, who tried to tempt her out to receive some homely sympathy, and +through the open easement there still came the idiotic sound of +“Willie, boo! Willie, boo!” + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +After the stun of the blow came the realization of the consequences. +Susan would sit for hours trying patiently to recall and piece together +fragments of recollection and consciousness in her brother’s mind. She +would let him go and pursue some senseless bit of play, and wait until +she could catch his eye or his attention again, when she would resume +her self-imposed task. Michael complained that she never had a word for +him, or a minute of time to spend with him now; but she only said she +must try, while there was yet a chance, to bring back her brother’s +lost wits. As for marriage in this state of uncertainty, she had no +heart to think of it. Then Michael stormed, and absented himself for +two or three days; but it was of no use. When he came back, he saw that +she had been crying till her eyes were all swollen up, and he gathered +from Peggy’s scoldings (which she did not spare him) that Susan had +eaten nothing since he went away. But she was as inflexible as ever. + +“Not just yet. Only not just yet. And don’t say again that I do not +love you,” said she, suddenly hiding herself in his arms. + +And so matters went on through August. The crop of oats was gathered +in; the wheat-field was not ready as yet, when one fine day Michael +drove up in a borrowed shandry, and offered to take Willie a ride. His +manner, when Susan asked him where he was going to, was rather +confused; but the answer was straight and clear enough. + +He had business in Ambleside. He would never lose sight of the lad, and +have him back safe and sound before dark. So Susan let him go. + +Before night they were at home again: Willie in high delight at a +little rattling paper windmill that Michael had bought for him in the +street, and striving to imitate this new sound with perpetual buzzings. +Michael, too, looked pleased. Susan knew the look, although afterwards +she remembered that he had tried to veil it from her, and had assumed a +grave appearance of sorrow whenever he caught her eye. He put up his +horse; for, although he had three miles further to go, the moon was +up—the bonny harvest-moon—and he did not care how late he had to drive +on such a road by such a light. After the supper which Susan had +prepared for the travellers was over, Peggy went up-stairs to see +Willie safe in bed; for he had to have the same care taken of him that +a little child of four years old requires. + +Michael drew near to Susan. + +“Susan,” said he, “I took Will to see Dr. Preston, at Kendal. He’s the +first doctor in the county. I thought it were better for us—for you—to +know at once what chance there were for him.” + +“Well!” said Susan, looking eagerly up. She saw the same strange glance +of satisfaction, the same instant change to apparent regret and pain. +“What did he say?” said she. “Speak! can’t you?” + +“He said he would never get better of his weakness.” + +“Never!” + +“No; never. It’s a long word, and hard to bear. And there’s worse to +come, dearest. The doctor thinks he will get badder from year to year. +And he said, if he was us—you—he would send him off in time to +Lancaster Asylum. They’ve ways there both of keeping such people in +order and making them happy. I only tell you what he said,” continued +he, seeing the gathering storm in her face. + +“There was no harm in his saying it,” she replied, with great +self-constraint, forcing herself to speak coldly instead of angrily. +“Folk is welcome to their opinions.” + +They sat silent for a minute or two, her breast heaving with suppressed +feeling. + +“He’s counted a very clever man,” said Michael at length. + +“He may be. He’s none of my clever men, nor am I going to be guided by +him, whatever he may think. And I don’t thank them that went and took +my poor lad to have such harsh notions formed about him. If I’d been +there, I could have called out the sense that is in him.” + +“Well! I’ll not say more to-night, Susan. You’re not taking it rightly, +and I’d best be gone, and leave you to think it over. I’ll not deny +they are hard words to hear, but there’s sense in them, as I take it; +and I reckon you’ll have to come to ’em. Anyhow, it’s a bad way of +thanking me for my pains, and I don’t take it well in you, Susan,” said +he, getting up, as if offended. + +“Michael, I’m beside myself with sorrow. Don’t blame me if I speak +sharp. He and me is the only ones, you see. And mother did so charge me +to have a care of him! And this is what he’s come to, poor lile chap!” +She began to cry, and Michael to comfort her with caresses. + +“Don’t,” said she. “It’s no use trying to make me forget poor Willie is +a natural. I could hate myself for being happy with you, even for just +a little minute. Go away, and leave me to face it out.” + +“And you’ll think it over, Susan, and remember what the doctor says?” + +“I can’t forget,” said she. She meant she could not forget what the +doctor had said about the hopelessness of her brother’s case; Michael +had referred to the plan of sending Willie to an asylum, or madhouse, +as they were called in that day and place. The idea had been gathering +force in Michael’s mind for some time; he had talked it over with his +father, and secretly rejoiced over the possession of the farm and land +which would then be his in fact, if not in law, by right of his wife. +He had always considered the good penny her father could give her in +his catalogue of Susan’s charms and attractions. But of late he had +grown to esteem her as the heiress of Yew Nook. He, too, should have +land like his brother—land to possess, to cultivate, to make profit +from, to bequeath. For some time he had wondered that Susan had been so +much absorbed in Willie’s present, that she had never seemed to look +forward to his future, state. Michael had long felt the boy to be a +trouble; but of late he had absolutely loathed him. His gibbering, his +uncouth gestures, his loose, shambling gait, all irritated Michael +inexpressibly. He did not come near the Yew Nook for a couple of days. +He thought that he would leave her time to become anxious to see him +and reconciled to his plan. They were strange lonely days to Susan. +They were the first she had spent face to face with the sorrows that +had turned her from a girl into a woman; for hitherto Michael had never +let twenty-four hours pass by without coming to see her since she had +had the fever. Now that he was absent, it seemed as though some cause +of irritation was removed from Will, who was much more gentle and +tractable than he had been for many weeks. Susan thought that she +observed him making efforts at her bidding, and there was something +piteous in the way in which he crept up to her, and looked wistfully in +her face, as if asking her to restore him the faculties that he felt to +be wanting. + +“I never will let thee go, lad. Never! There’s no knowing where they +would take thee to, or what they would do with thee. As it says in the +Bible, ‘Nought but death shall part thee and me!’” + +The country-side was full, in those days, of stories of the brutal +treatment offered to the insane; stories that were, in fact, but too +well founded, and the truth of one of which only would have been a +sufficient reason for the strong prejudice existing against all such +places. Each succeeding hour that Susan passed, alone, or with the poor +affectionate lad for her sole companion, served to deepen her solemn +resolution never to part with him. So, when Michael came, he was +annoyed and surprised by the calm way in which she spoke, as if +following Dr. Preston’s advice was utterly and entirely out of the +question. He had expected nothing less than a consent, reluctant it +might be, but still a consent; and he was extremely irritated. He could +have repressed his anger, but he chose rather to give way to it; +thinking that he could thus best work upon Susan’s affection, so as to +gain his point. But, somehow, he over-reached himself; and now he was +astonished in his turn at the passion of indignation that she burst +into. + +“Thou wilt not bide in the same house with him, say’st thou? There’s no +need for thy biding, as far as I can tell. There’s solemn reason why I +should bide with my own flesh and blood and keep to the word I pledged +my mother on her death-bed; but, as for thee, there’s no tie that I +know on to keep thee fro’ going to America or Botany Bay this very +night, if that were thy inclination. I will have no more of your +threats to make me send my bairn away. If thou marry me, thou’lt help +me to take charge of Willie. If thou doesn’t choose to marry me on +those terms—why, I can snap my fingers at thee, never fear. I’m not so +far gone in love as that. But I will not have thee, if thou say’st in +such a hectoring way that Willie must go out of the house—and the house +his own too—before thoul’t set foot in it. Willie bides here, and I +bide with him.” + +“Thou hast may-be spoken a word too much,” said Michael, pale with +rage. “If I am free, as thou say’st, to go to Canada, or Botany Bay, I +reckon I’m free to live where I like, and that will not be with a +natural who may turn into a madman some day, for aught I know. Choose +between him and me, Susy, for I swear to thee, thou shan’t have both.” + +“I have chosen,” said Susan, now perfectly composed and still. +“Whatever comes of it, I bide with Willie.” + +“Very well,” replied Michael, trying to assume an equal composure of +manner. “Then I’ll wish you a very good night.” He went out of the +house door, half-expecting to be called back again; but, instead, he +heard a hasty step inside, and a bolt drawn. + +“Whew!” said he to himself, “I think I must leave my lady alone for a +week or two, and give her time to come to her senses. She’ll not find +it so easy as she thinks to let me go.” + +So he went past the kitchen-window in nonchalant style, and was not +seen again at Yew Nook for some weeks. How did he pass the time? For +the first day or two, he was unusually cross with all things and people +that came athwart him. Then wheat-harvest began, and he was busy, and +exultant about his heavy crop. Then a man came from a distance to bid +for the lease of his farm, which, by his father’s advice, had been +offered for sale, as he himself was so soon likely to remove to the Yew +Nook. He had so little idea that Susan really would remain firm to her +determination, that he at once began to haggle with the man who came +after his farm, showed him the crop just got in, and managed skilfully +enough to make a good bargain for himself. Of course, the bargain had +to be sealed at the public-house; and the companions he met with there +soon became friends enough to tempt him into Langdale, where again he +met with Eleanor Hebthwaite. + +How did Susan pass the time? For the first day or so, she was too angry +and offended to cry. She went about her household duties in a quick, +sharp, jerking, yet absent way; shrinking one moment from Will, +overwhelming him with remorseful caresses the next. The third day of +Michael’s absence, she had the relief of a good fit of crying; and +after that, she grew softer and more tender; she felt how harshly she +had spoken to him, and remembered how angry she had been. She made +excuses for him. “It was no wonder,” she said to herself, “that he had +been vexed with her; and no wonder he would not give in, when she had +never tried to speak gently or to reason with him. She was to blame, +and she would tell him so, and tell him once again all that her mother +had bade her to be to Willie, and all the horrible stories she had +heard about madhouses, and he would be on her side at once.” + +And so she watched for his coming, intending to apologise as soon as +ever she saw him. She hurried over her household work, in order to sit +quietly at her sewing, and hear the first distant sound of his +well-known step or whistle. But even the sound of her flying needle +seemed too loud—perhaps she was losing an exquisite instant of +anticipation; so she stopped sewing, and looked longingly out through +the geranium leaves, in order that her eye might catch the first stir +of the branches in the wood-path by which he generally came. Now and +then a bird might spring out of the covert; otherwise the leaves were +heavily still in the sultry weather of early autumn. Then she would +take up her sewing, and, with a spasm of resolution, she would +determine that a certain task should be fulfilled before she would +again allow herself the poignant luxury of expectation. Sick at heart +was she when the evening closed in, and the chances of that day +diminished. Yet she stayed up longer than usual, thinking that if he +were coming—if he were only passing along the distant road—the sight of +a light in the window might encourage him to make his appearance even +at that late hour, while seeing the house all darkened and shut up +might quench any such intention. + +Very sick and weary at heart, she went to bed; too desolate and +despairing to cry, or make any moan. But in the morning hope came +afresh. Another day—another chance! And so it went on for weeks. Peggy +understood her young mistress’s sorrow full well, and respected it by +her silence on the subject. Willie seemed happier now that the +irritation of Michael’s presence was removed; for the poor idiot had a +sort of antipathy to Michael, which was a kind of heart’s echo to the +repugnance in which the latter held him. Altogether, just at this time, +Willie was the happiest of the three. + +As Susan went into Coniston, to sell her butter, one Saturday, some +inconsiderate person told her that she had seen Michael Hurst the night +before. I said inconsiderate, but I might rather have said unobservant; +for any one who had spent half-an-hour in Susan Dixon’s company might +have seen that she disliked having any reference made to the subjects +nearest her heart, were they joyous or grievous. Now she went a little +paler than usual (and she had never recovered her colour since she had +had the fever), and tried to keep silence. But an irrepressible pang +forced out the question— + +“Where?” + +“At Thomas Applethwaite’s, in Langdale. They had a kind of +harvest-home, and he were there among the young folk, and very thick +wi’ Nelly Hebthwaite, old Thomas’s niece. Thou’lt have to look after +him a bit, Susan!” + +She neither smiled nor sighed. The neighbour who had been speaking to +her was struck with the gray stillness of her face. Susan herself felt +how well her self-command was obeyed by every little muscle, and said +to herself in her Spartan manner, “I can bear it without either wincing +or blenching.” She went home early, at a tearing, passionate pace, +trampling and breaking through all obstacles of briar or bush. Willie +was moping in her absence—hanging listlessly on the farm-yard gate to +watch for her. When he saw her, he set up one of his strange, +inarticulate cries, of which she was now learning the meaning, and came +towards her with his loose, galloping run, head and limbs all shaking +and wagging with pleasant excitement. Suddenly she turned from him, and +burst into tears. She sat down on a stone by the wayside, not a hundred +yards from home, and buried her face in her hands, and gave way to a +passion of pent-up sorrow; so terrible and full of agony were her low +cries, that the idiot stood by her, aghast and silent. All his joy gone +for the time, but not, like her joy, turned into ashes. Some thought +struck him. Yes! the sight of her woe made him think, great as the +exertion was. He ran, and stumbled, and shambled home, buzzing with his +lips all the time. She never missed him. He came back in a trice, +bringing with him his cherished paper windmill, bought on that fatal +day when Michael had taken him into Kendal to have his doom of +perpetual idiocy pronounced. He thrust it into Susan’s face, her hands, +her lap, regardless of the injury his frail plaything thereby received. +He leapt before her to think how he had cured all heart-sorrow, buzzing +louder than ever. Susan looked up at him, and that glance of her sad +eyes sobered him. He began to whimper, he knew not why: and she now, +comforter in her turn, tried to soothe him by twirling his windmill. +But it was broken; it made no noise; it would not go round. This seemed +to afflict Susan more than him. She tried to make it right, although +she saw the task was hopeless; and while she did so, the tears rained +down unheeded from her bent head on the paper toy. + +“It won’t do,” said she, at last. “It will never do again.” And, +somehow, she took the accident and her words as omens of the love that +was broken, and that she feared could never be pieced together more. +She rose up and took Willie’s hand, and the two went slowly into the +house. + +To her surprise, Michael Hurst sat in the house-place. House-place is a +sort of better kitchen, where no cookery is done, but which is reserved +for state occasions. Michael had gone in there because he was +accompanied by his only sister, a woman older than himself, who was +well married beyond Keswick, and who now came for the first time to +make acquaintance with Susan. Michael had primed his sister with his +wishes regarding Will, and the position in which he stood with Susan; +and arriving at Yew Nook in the absence of the latter, he had not +scrupled to conduct his sister into the guest-room, as he held Mrs. +Gale’s worldly position in respect and admiration, and therefore wished +her to be favourably impressed with all the signs of property which he +was beginning to consider as Susan’s greatest charms. He had secretly +said to himself, that if Eleanor Hebthwaite and Susan Dixon were equal +in point of riches, he would sooner have Eleanor by far. He had begun +to consider Susan as a termagant; and when he thought of his +intercourse with her, recollections of her somewhat warm and hasty +temper came far more readily to his mind than any remembrance of her +generous, loving nature. + +And now she stood face to face with him; her eyes tear-swollen, her +garments dusty, and here and there torn in consequence of her rapid +progress through the bushy by-paths. She did not make a favourable +impression on the well-clad Mrs. Gale, dressed in her best silk gown, +and therefore unusually susceptible to the appearance of another. Nor +were Susan’s manners gracious or cordial. How could they be, when she +remembered what had passed between Michael and herself the last time +they met? For her penitence had faded away under the daily +disappointment of these last weary weeks. + +But she was hospitable in substance. She bade Peggy hurry on the +kettle, and busied herself among the tea-cups, thankful that the +presence of Mrs. Gale, as a stranger, would prevent the immediate +recurrence to the one subject which she felt must be present in +Michael’s mind as well as in her own. But Mrs. Gale was withheld by no +such feelings of delicacy. She had come ready-primed with the case, and +had undertaken to bring the girl to reason. There was no time to be +lost. It had been prearranged between the brother and sister that he +was to stroll out into the farm-yard before his sister introduced the +subject; but she was so confident in the success of her arguments, that +she must needs have the triumph of a victory as soon as possible; and, +accordingly, she brought a hail-storm of good reasons to bear upon +Susan. Susan did not reply for a long time; she was so indignant at +this intermeddling of a stranger in the deep family sorrow and shame. +Mrs. Gale thought she was gaining the day, and urged her arguments more +pitilessly. Even Michael winced for Susan, and wondered at her silence. +He shrank out of sight, and into the shadow, hoping that his sister +might prevail, but annoyed at the hard way in which she kept putting +the case. + +Suddenly Susan turned round from the occupation she had pretended to be +engaged in, and said to him in a low voice, which yet not only vibrated +itself, but made its hearers thrill through all their obtuseness: + +“Michael Hurst! does your sister speak truth, think you?” + +Both women looked at him for his answer; Mrs. Gale without anxiety, for +had she not said the very words they had spoken together before? had +she not used the very arguments that he himself had suggested? Susan, +on the contrary, looked to his answer as settling her doom for life; +and in the gloom of her eyes you might have read more despair than +hope. + +He shuffled his position. He shuffled in his words. + +“What is it you ask? My sister has said many things.” + +“I ask you,” said Susan, trying to give a crystal clearness both to her +expressions and her pronunciation, “if, knowing as you do how Will is +afflicted, you will help me to take that charge of him which I promised +my mother on her death-bed that I would do; and which means, that I +shall keep him always with me, and do all in my power to make his life +happy. If you will do this, I will be your wife; if not, I remain +unwed.” + +“But he may get dangerous; he can be but a trouble; his being here is a +pain to you, Susan, not a pleasure.” + +“I ask you for either yes or no,” said she, a little contempt at his +evading her question mingling with her tone. He perceived it, and it +nettled him. + +“And I have told you. I answered your question the last time I was +here. I said I would ne’er keep house with an idiot; no more I will. So +now you’ve gotten your answer.” + +“I have,” said Susan. And she sighed deeply. + +“Come, now,” said Mrs. Gale, encouraged by the sigh; “one would think +you don’t love Michael, Susan, to be so stubborn in yielding to what +I’m sure would be best for the lad.” + +“Oh! she does not care for me,” said Michael. “I don’t believe she ever +did.” + +“Don’t I? Haven’t I?” asked Susan, her eyes blazing out fire. She left +the room directly, and sent Peggy in to make the tea; and catching at +Will, who was lounging about in the kitchen, she went up-stairs with +him and bolted herself in, straining the boy to her heart, and keeping +almost breathless, lest any noise she made might cause him to break out +into the howls and sounds which she could not bear that those below +should hear. + +A knock at the door. It was Peggy. + +“He wants for to see you, to wish you good-bye.” + +“I cannot come. Oh, Peggy, send them away.” + +It was her only cry for sympathy; and the old servant understood it. +She sent them away, somehow; not politely, as I have been given to +understand. + +“Good go with them,” said Peggy, as she grimly watched their retreating +figures. “We’re rid of bad rubbish, anyhow.” And she turned into the +house, with the intention of making ready some refreshment for Susan, +after her hard day at the market, and her harder evening. But in the +kitchen, to which she passed through the empty house-place, making a +face of contemptuous dislike at the used tea-cups and fragments of a +meal yet standing there, she found Susan, with her sleeves tucked up +and her working apron on, busied in preparing to make clap-bread, one +of the hardest and hottest domestic tasks of a Daleswoman. She looked +up, and first met, and then avoided Peggy’s eye; it was too full of +sympathy. Her own cheeks were flushed, and her own eyes were dry and +burning. + +“Where’s the board, Peggy? We need clap-bread; and, I reckon, I’ve time +to get through with it to-night.” Her voice had a sharp, dry tone in +it, and her motions a jerking angularity about them. + +Peggy said nothing, but fetched her all that she needed. Susan beat her +cakes thin with vehement force. As she stooped over them, regardless +even of the task in which she seemed so much occupied, she was +surprised by a touch on her mouth of something—what she did not see at +first. It was a cup of tea, delicately sweetened and cooled, and held +to her lips, when exactly ready, by the faithful old woman. Susan held +it off a hand’s breath, and looked into Peggy’s eyes, while her own +filled with the strange relief of tears. + +“Lass!” said Peggy, solemnly, “thou hast done well. It is not long to +bide, and then the end will come.” + +“But you are very old, Peggy,” said Susan, quivering. + +“It is but a day sin’ I were young,” replied Peggy; but she stopped the +conversation by again pushing the cup with gentle force to Susan’s dry +and thirsty lips. When she had drunken she fell again to her labour, +Peggy heating the hearth, and doing all that she knew would be +required, but never speaking another word. Willie basked close to the +fire, enjoying the animal luxury of warmth, for the autumn evenings +were beginning to be chilly. It was one o’clock before they thought of +going to bed on that memorable night. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +The vehemence with which Susan Dixon threw herself into occupation +could not last for ever. Times of languor and remembrance would +come—times when she recurred with a passionate yearning to bygone days, +the recollection of which was so vivid and delicious, that it seemed as +though it were the reality, and the present bleak bareness the dream. +She smiled anew at the magical sweetness of some touch or tone which in +memory she felt and heard, and drank the delicious cup of poison, +although at the very time she knew what the consequences of racking +pain would be. + +“This time, last year,” thought she, “we went nutting together—this +very day last year; just such a day as to-day. Purple and gold were the +lights on the hills; the leaves were just turning brown; here and there +on the sunny slopes the stubble-fields looked tawny; down in a cleft of +yon purple slate-rock the beck fell like a silver glancing thread; all +just as it is to-day. And he climbed the slender, swaying nut-trees, +and bent the branches for me to gather; or made a passage through the +hazel copses, from time to time claiming a toll. Who could have thought +he loved me so little?—who?—who?” + +Or, as the evening closed in, she would allow herself to imagine that +she heard his coming step, just that she might recall time feeling of +exquisite delight which had passed by without the due and passionate +relish at the time. Then she would wonder how she could have had +strength, the cruel, self-piercing strength, to say what she had done; +to stab himself with that stern resolution, of which the sear would +remain till her dying day. It might have been right; but, as she +sickened, she wished she had not instinctively chosen the right. How +luxurious a life haunted by no stern sense of duty must be! And many +led this kind of life; why could not she? O, for one hour again of his +sweet company! If he came now, she would agree to whatever he proposed. + +It was a fever of the mind. She passed through it, and came out +healthy, if weak. She was capable once more of taking pleasure in +following an unseen guide through briar and brake. She returned with +tenfold affection to her protecting care of Willie. She acknowledged to +herself that he was to be her all-in-all in life. She made him her +constant companion. For his sake, as the real owner of Yew Nook, and +she as his steward and guardian, she began that course of careful +saving, and that love of acquisition, which afterwards gained for her +the reputation of being miserly. She still thought that he might regain +a scanty portion of sense—enough to require some simple pleasures and +excitement, which would cost money. And money should not be wanting. +Peggy rather assisted her in the formation of her parsimonious habits +than otherwise; economy was the order of the district, and a certain +degree of respectable avarice the characteristic of her age. Only +Willie was never stinted nor hindered of anything that the two women +thought could give him pleasure, for want of money. + +There was one gratification which Susan felt was needed for the +restoration of her mind to its more healthy state, after she had passed +through the whirling fever, when duty was as nothing, and anarchy +reigned; a gratification that, somehow, was to be her last burst of +unreasonableness; of which she knew and recognised pain as the sure +consequence. She must see him once more,—herself unseen. + +The week before the Christmas of this memorable year, she went out in +the dusk of the early winter evening, wrapped close in shawl and cloak. +She wore her dark shawl under her cloak, putting it over her head in +lieu of a bonnet; for she knew that she might have to wait long in +concealment. Then she tramped over the wet fell-path, shut in by misty +rain for miles and miles, till she came to the place where he was +lodging; a farm-house in Langdale, with a steep, stony lane leading up +to it: this lane was entered by a gate out of the main road, and by the +gate were a few bushes—thorns; but of them the leaves had fallen, and +they offered no concealment: an old wreck of a yew-tree grew among +them, however, and underneath that Susan cowered down, shrouding her +face, of which the colour might betray her, with a corner of her shawl. +Long did she wait; cold and cramped she became, too damp and stiff to +change her posture readily. And after all, he might never come! But, +she would wait till daylight, if need were; and she pulled out a crust, +with which she had providently supplied herself. The rain had ceased,—a +dull, still, brooding weather had succeeded; it was a night to hear +distant sounds. She heard horses’ hoofs striking and splashing in the +stones, and in the pools of the road at her back. Two horses; not +well-ridden, or evenly guided, as she could tell. + +Michael Hurst and a companion drew near: not tipsy, but not sober. They +stopped at the gate to bid each other a maudlin farewell. Michael +stooped forward to catch the latch with the hook of the stick which he +carried; he dropped the stick, and it fell with one end close to +Susan,—indeed, with the slightest change of posture she could have +opened the gate for him. He swore a great oath, and struck his horse +with his closed fist, as if that animal had been to blame; then he +dismounted, opened the gate, and fumbled about for his stick. When he +had found it (Susan had touched the other end) his first use of it was +to flog his horse well, and she had much ado to avoid its kicks and +plunges. Then, still swearing, he staggered up the lane, for it was +evident he was not sober enough to remount. + +By daylight Susan was back and at her daily labours at Yew Nook. When +the spring came, Michael Hurst was married to Eleanor Hebthwaite. +Others, too, were married, and christenings made their firesides merry +and glad; or they travelled, and came back after long years with many +wondrous tales. More rarely, perhaps, a Dalesman changed his dwelling. +But to all households more change came than to Yew Nook. There the +seasons came round with monotonous sameness; or, if they brought +mutation, it was of a slow, and decaying, and depressing kind. Old +Peggy died. Her silent sympathy, concealed under much roughness, was a +loss to Susan Dixon. Susan was not yet thirty when this happened, but +she looked a middle-aged, not to say an elderly woman. People affirmed +that she had never recovered her complexion since that fever, a dozen +years ago, which killed her father, and left Will Dixon an idiot. But +besides her gray sallowness, the lines in her face were strong, and +deep, and hard. The movements of her eyeballs were slow and heavy; the +wrinkles at the corners of her mouth and eyes were planted firm and +sure; not an ounce of unnecessary flesh was there on her bones—every +muscle started strong and ready for use. She needed all this bodily +strength, to a degree that no human creature, now Peggy was dead, knew +of: for Willie had grown up large and strong in body, and, in general, +docile enough in mind; but, every now and then, he became first moody, +and then violent. These paroxysms lasted but a day or two; and it was +Susan’s anxious care to keep their very existence hidden and unknown. +It is true, that occasional passers-by on that lonely road heard sounds +at night of knocking about of furniture, blows, and cries, as of some +tearing demon within the solitary farm-house; but these fits of +violence usually occurred in the night; and whatever had been their +consequence, Susan had tidied and redded up all signs of aught unusual +before the morning. For, above all, she dreaded lest some one might +find out in what danger and peril she occasionally was, and might +assume a right to take away her brother from her care. The one idea of +taking charge of him had deepened and deepened with years. It was +graven into her mind as the object for which she lived. The sacrifice +she had made for this object only made it more precious to her. +Besides, she separated the idea of the docile, affectionate, loutish, +indolent Will, and kept it distinct from the terror which the demon +that occasionally possessed him inspired her with. The one was her +flesh and her blood—the child of her dead mother; the other was some +fiend who came to torture and convulse the creature she so loved. She +believed that she fought her brother’s battle in holding down those +tearing hands, in binding whenever she could those uplifted restless +arms prompt and prone to do mischief. All the time she subdued him with +her cunning or her strength, she spoke to him in pitying murmurs, or +abused the third person, the fiendish enemy, in no unmeasured tones. +Towards morning the paroxysm was exhausted, and he would fall asleep, +perhaps only to waken with evil and renewed vigour. But when he was +laid down, she would sally out to taste the fresh air, and to work off +her wild sorrow in cries and mutterings to herself. The early labourers +saw her gestures at a distance, and thought her as crazed as the +idiot-brother who made the neighbourhood a haunted place. But did any +chance person call at Yew Nook later on in the day, he would find Susan +Dixon cold, calm, collected; her manner curt, her wits keen. + +Once this fit of violence lasted longer than usual. Susan’s strength +both of mind and body was nearly worn out; she wrestled in prayer that +somehow it might end before she, too, was driven mad; or, worse, might +be obliged to give up life’s aim, and consign Willie to a madhouse. +From that moment of prayer (as she afterwards superstitiously thought) +Willie calmed—and then he drooped—and then he sank—and, last of all, he +died in reality from physical exhaustion. + +But he was so gentle and tender as he lay on his dying bed; such +strange, child-like gleams of returning intelligence came over his +face, long after the power to make his dull, inarticulate sounds had +departed, that Susan was attracted to him by a stronger tie than she +had ever felt before. It was something to have even an idiot loving her +with dumb, wistful, animal affection; something to have any creature +looking at her with such beseeching eyes, imploring protection from the +insidious enemy stealing on. And yet she knew that to him death was no +enemy, but a true friend, restoring light and health to his poor +clouded mind. It was to her that death was an enemy; to her, the +survivor, when Willie died; there was no one to love her. + +Worse doom still, there was no one left on earth for her to love. + +You now know why no wandering tourist could persuade her to receive him +as a lodger; why no tired traveller could melt her heart to afford him +rest and refreshment; why long habits of seclusion had given her a +moroseness of manner, and how care for the interests of another had +rendered her keen and miserly. + +But there was a third act in the drama of her life. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +In spite of Peggy’s prophecy that Susan’s life should not seem long, it +did seem wearisome and endless, as the years slowly uncoiled their +monotonous circles. To be sure, she might have made change for herself, +but she did not care to do it. It was, indeed, more than “not caring,” +which merely implies a certain degree of _vis inertiæ_ to be subdued +before an object can be attained, and that the object itself does not +seem to be of sufficient importance to call out the requisite energy. +On the contrary, Susan exerted herself to avoid change and variety. She +had a morbid dread of new faces, which originated in her desire to keep +poor dead Willie’s state a profound secret. She had a contempt for new +customs; and, indeed, her old ways prospered so well under her active +hand and vigilant eye, that it was difficult to know how they could be +improved upon. She was regularly present in Coniston market with the +best butter and the earliest chickens of the season. Those were the +common farm produce that every farmer’s wife about had to sell; but +Susan, after she had disposed of the more feminine articles, turned to +on the man’s side. A better judge of a horse or cow there was not in +all the country round. Yorkshire itself might have attempted to jockey +her, and would have failed. Her corn was sound and clean; her potatoes +well preserved to the latest spring. People began to talk of the hoards +of money Susan Dixon must have laid up somewhere; and one young +ne’er-do-weel of a farmer’s son undertook to make love to the woman of +forty, who looked fifty-five, if a day. He made up to her by opening a +gate on the road-path home, as she was riding on a bare-backed horse, +her purchase not an hour ago. She was off before him, refusing his +civility; but the remounting was not so easy, and rather than fail she +did not choose to attempt it. She walked, and he walked alongside, +improving his opportunity, which, as he vainly thought, had been +consciously granted to him. As they drew near Yew Nook, he ventured on +some expression of a wish to keep company with her. His words were +vague and clumsily arranged. Susan turned round and coolly asked him to +explain himself, he took courage, as he thought of her reputed wealth, +and expressed his wishes this second time pretty plainly. To his +surprise, the reply she made was in a series of smart strokes across +his shoulders, administered through the medium of a supple +hazel-switch. + +“Take that!” said she, almost breathless, “to teach thee how thou +darest make a fool of an honest woman old enough to be thy mother. If +thou com’st a step nearer the house, there’s a good horse-pool, and +there’s two stout fellows who’ll like no better fun than ducking thee. +Be off wi’ thee!” + +And she strode into her own premises, never looking round to see +whether he obeyed her injunction or not. + +Sometimes three or four years would pass over without her hearing +Michael Hurst’s name mentioned. She used to wonder at such times +whether he were dead or alive. She would sit for hours by the dying +embers of her fire on a winter’s evening, trying to recall the scenes +of her youth; trying to bring up living pictures of the faces she had +then known—Michael’s most especially. She thought it was possible, so +long had been the lapse of years, that she might now pass by him in the +street unknowing and unknown. His outward form she might not recognize, +but himself she should feel in the thrill of her whole being. He could +not pass her unawares. + +What little she did hear about him, all testified a downward tendency. +He drank—not at stated times when there was no other work to be done, +but continually, whether it was seed-time or harvest. His children were +all ill at the same time; then one died, while the others recovered, +but were poor sickly things. No one dared to give Susan any direct +intelligence of her former lover; many avoided all mention of his name +in her presence; but a few spoke out either in indifference to, or +ignorance of, those bygone days. Susan heard every word, every whisper, +every sound that related to him. But her eye never changed, nor did a +muscle of her face move. + +Late one November night she sat over her fire; not a human being +besides herself in the house; none but she had ever slept there since +Willie’s death. The farm-labourers had foddered the cattle and gone +home hours before. There were crickets chirping all round the warm +hearth-stones; there was the clock ticking with the peculiar beat Susan +had known from her childhood, and which then and ever since she had +oddly associated within the idea of a mother and child talking +together, one loud tick, and quick—a feeble, sharp one following. + +The day had been keen, and piercingly cold. The whole lift of heaven +seemed a dome of iron. Black and frost-bound was the earth under the +cruel east wind. Now the wind had dropped, and as the darkness had +gathered in, the weather-wise old labourers prophesied snow. The sounds +in the air arose again, as Susan sat still and silent. They were of a +different character to what they had been during the prevalence of the +east wind. Then they had been shrill and piping; now they were like low +distant growling; not unmusical, but strangely threatening. Susan went +to the window, and drew aside the little curtain. The whole world was +white—the air was blinded with the swift and heavy fall of snow. At +present it came down straight, but Susan knew those distant sounds in +the hollows and gulleys of the hills portended a driving wind and a +more cruel storm. She thought of her sheep; were they all folded? the +new-born calf, was it bedded well? Before the drifts were formed too +deep for her to pass in and out—and by the morning she judged that they +would be six or seven feet deep—she would go out and see after the +comfort of her beasts. She took a lantern, and tied a shawl over her +head, and went out into the open air. She had tenderly provided for all +her animals, and was returning, when, borne on the blast as if some +spirit-cry—for it seemed to come rather down from the skies than from +any creature standing on earth’s level—she heard a voice of agony; she +could not distinguish words; it seemed rather as if some bird of prey +was being caught in the whirl of the icy wind, and torn and tortured by +its violence. Again up high above! Susan put down her lantern, and +shouted loud in return; it was an instinct, for if the creature were +not human, which she had doubted but a moment before, what good could +her responding cry do? And her cry was seized on by the tyrannous wind, +and borne farther away in the opposite direction to that from which the +call of agony had proceeded. Again she listened; no sound: then again +it rang through space; and this time she was sure it was human. She +turned into the house, and heaped turf and wood on the fire, which, +careless of her own sensations, she had allowed to fade and almost die +out. She put a new candle in her lantern; she changed her shawl for a +maud, and leaving the door on latch, she sallied out. Just at the +moment when her ear first encountered the weird noises of the storm, on +issuing forth into the open air, she thought she heard the words, “O +God! O help!” They were a guide to her, if words they were, for they +came straight from a rock not a quarter of a mile from Yew Nook, but +only to be reached, on account of its precipitous character, by a +round-about path. Thither she steered, defying wind and snow; guided by +here a thorn-tree, there an old, doddered oak, which had not quite lest +their identity under the whelming mask of snow. Now and then she +stopped to listen; but never a word or sound heard she, till right from +where the copse-wood grew thick and tangled at the base of the rock, +round which she was winding, she heard a moan. Into the brake—all snow +in appearance—almost a plain of snow looked on from the little eminence +where she stood—she plunged, breaking down the bush, stumbling, +bruising herself, fighting her way; her lantern held between her teeth, +and she herself using head as well as hands to butt away a passage, at +whatever cost of bodily injury. As she climbed or staggered, owing to +the unevenness of the snow-covered ground, where the briars and weeds +of years were tangled and matted together, her foot felt something +strangely soft and yielding. She lowered her lantern; there lay a man, +prone on his face, nearly covered by the fast-falling flakes; he must +have fallen from the rock above, as, not knowing of the circuitous +path, he had tried to descend its steep, slippery face. Who could tell? +it was no time for thinking. Susan lifted him up with her wiry +strength; he gave no help—no sign of life; but for all that he might be +alive: he was still warm; she tied her maud round him; she fastened the +lantern to her apron-string; she held him tight: half-carrying, +half-dragging—what did a few bruises signify to him, compared to dear +life, to precious life! She got him through the brake, and down the +path. There, for an instant, she stopped to take breath; but, as if +stung by the Furies, she pushed on again with almost superhuman +strength. Clasping him round the waist, and leaning his dead weight +against the lintel of the door, she tried to undo the latch; but now, +just at this moment, a trembling faintness came over her, and a fearful +dread took possession of her—that here, on the very threshold of her +home, she might be found dead, and buried under the snow, when the +farm-servants came in the morning. This terror stirred her up to one +more effort. Then she and her companion were in the warmth of the quiet +haven of that kitchen; she laid him on the settle, and sank on the +floor by his side. How long she remained in this swoon she could not +tell; not very long she judged by the fire, which was still red and +sullenly glowing when she came to herself. She lighted the candle, and +bent over her late burden to ascertain if indeed he were dead. She +stood long gazing. The man lay dead. There could be no doubt about it. +His filmy eyes glared at her, unshut. But Susan was not one to be +affrighted by the stony aspect of death. It was not that; it was the +bitter, woeful recognition of Michael Hurst! + +She was convinced he was dead; but after a while she refused to believe +in her conviction. She stripped off his wet outer-garments with +trembling, hurried hands. She brought a blanket down from her own bed; +she made up the fire. She swathed him in fresh, warm wrappings, and +laid him on the flags before the fire, sitting herself at his head, and +holding it in her lap, while she tenderly wiped his loose, wet hair, +curly still, although its colour had changed from nut-brown to +iron-gray since she had seen it last. From time to time she bent over +the face afresh, sick, and fain to believe that the flicker of the +fire-light was some slight convulsive motion. But the dim, staring eyes +struck chill to her heart. At last she ceased her delicate, busy cares: +but she still held the head softly, as if caressing it. She thought +over all the possibilities and chances in the mingled yarn of their +lives that might, by so slight a turn, have ended far otherwise. If her +mother’s cold had been early tended, so that the responsibility as to +her brother’s weal or woe had not fallen upon her; if the fever had not +taken such rough, cruel hold on Will; nay, if Mrs. Gale, that hard, +worldly sister, had not accompanied him on his last visit to Yew +Nook—his very last before this fatal, stormy might; if she had heard +his cry,—cry uttered by these pale, dead lips with such wild, +despairing agony, not yet three hours ago!—O! if she had but heard it +sooner, he might have been saved before that blind, false step had +precipitated him down the rock! In going over this weary chain of +unrealized possibilities, Susan learnt the force of Peggy’s words. Life +was short, looking back upon it. It seemed but yesterday since all the +love of her being had been poured out, and run to waste. The +intervening years—the long monotonous years that had turned her into an +old woman before her time—were but a dream. + +The labourers coming in the dawn of the winter’s day were surprised to +see the fire-light through the low kitchen-window. They knocked, and +hearing a moaning answer, they entered, fearing that something had +befallen their mistress. For all explanation they got these words + +“It is Michael Hurst. He was belated, and fell down the Raven’s Crag. +Where does Eleanor, his wife, live?” + +How Michael Hurst got to Yew Nook no one but Susan ever knew. They +thought he had dragged himself there, with some sore internal bruise +sapping away his minuted life. They could not have believed the +superhuman exertion which had first sought him out, and then dragged +him hither. Only Susan knew of that. + +She gave him into the charge of her servants, and went out and saddled +her horse. Where the wind had drifted the snow on one side, and the +road was clear and bare, she rode, and rode fast; where the soft, +deceitful heaps were massed up, she dismounted and led her steed, +plunging in deep, with fierce energy, the pain at her heart urging her +onwards with a sharp, digging spur. + +The gray, solemn, winter’s noon was more night-like than the depth of +summer’s night; dim-purple brooded the low skies over the white earth, +as Susan rode up to what had been Michael Hurst’s abode while living. +It was a small farm-house carelessly kept outside, slatternly tended +within. The pretty Nelly Hebthwaite was pretty still; her delicate face +had never suffered from any long-enduring feeling. If anything, its +expression was that of plaintive sorrow; but the soft, light hair had +scarcely a tinge of gray; the wood-rose tint of complexion yet +remained, if not so brilliant as in youth; the straight nose, the small +mouth were untouched by time. Susan felt the contrast even at that +moment. She knew that her own skin was weather-beaten, furrowed, +brown,—that her teeth were gone, and her hair gray and ragged. And yet +she was not two years older than Nelly,—she had not been, in youth, +when she took account of these things. Nelly stood wondering at the +strange-enough horse-woman, who stopped and panted at the door, holding +her horse’s bridle, and refusing to enter. + +“Where is Michael Hurst?” asked Susan, at last. + +“Well, I can’t rightly say. He should have been at home last night, but +he was off, seeing after a public-house to be let at Ulverstone, for +our farm does not answer, and we were thinking—” + +“He did not come home last night?” said Susan, cutting short the story, +and half-affirming, half-questioning, by way of letting in a ray of the +awful light before she let it full in, in its consuming wrath. + +“No! he’ll be stopping somewhere out Ulverstone ways. I’m sure we’ve +need of him at home, for I’ve no one but lile Tommy to help me tend the +beasts. Things have not gone well with us, and we don’t keep a servant +now. But you’re trembling all over, ma’am. You’d better come in, and +take something warm, while your horse rests. That’s the stable-door, to +your left.” + +Susan took her horse there; loosened his girths, and rubbed him down +with a wisp of straw. Then she hooked about her for hay; but the place +was bare of feed, and smelt damp and unused. She went to the house, +thankful for the respite, and got some clap-bread, which she mashed up +in a pailful of lukewarm water. Every moment was a respite, and yet +every moment made her dread the more the task that lay before her. It +would be longer than she thought at first. She took the saddle off, and +hung about her horse, which seemed, somehow, more like a friend than +anything else in the world. She laid her cheek against its neck, and +rested there, before returning to the house for the last time. + +Eleanor had brought down one of her own gowns, which hung on a chair +against the fire, and had made her unknown visitor a cup of hot tea. +Susan could hardly bear all these little attentions: they choked her, +and yet she was so wet, so weak with fatigue and excitement, that she +could neither resist by voice or by action. Two children stood +awkwardly about, puzzled at the scene, and even Eleanor began to wish +for some explanation of who her strange visitor was. + +“You’ve, maybe, heard him speaking of me? I’m called Susan Dixon.” + +Nelly coloured, and avoided meeting Susan’s eye. + +“I’ve heard other folk speak of you. He never named your name.” + +This respect of silence came like balm to Susan: balm not felt or +heeded at the time it was applied, but very grateful in its effects for +all that. + +“He is at my house,” continued Susan, determined not to stop or quaver +in the operation—the pain which must be inflicted. + +“At your house? Yew Nook?” questioned Eleanor, surprised. “How came he +there?”—half jealously. “Did he take shelter from the coming storm? +Tell me,—there is something—tell me, woman!” + +“He took no shelter. Would to God he had!” + +“O! would to God! would to God!” shrieked out Eleanor, learning all +from the woful import of those dreary eyes. Her cries thrilled through +the house; the children’s piping wailings and passionate cries on +“Daddy! Daddy!” pierced into Susan’s very marrow. But she remained as +still and tearless as the great round face upon the clock. + +At last, in a lull of crying, she said,—not exactly questioning, but as +if partly to herself— + +“You loved him, then?” + +“Loved him! he was my husband! He was the father of three bonny bairns +that lie dead in Grasmere churchyard. I wish you’d go, Susan Dixon, and +let me weep without your watching me! I wish you’d never come near the +place.” + +“Alas! alas! it would not have brought him to life. I would have laid +down my own to save his. My life has been so very sad! No one would +have cared if I had died. Alas! alas!” + +The tone in which she said this was so utterly mournful and despairing +that it awed Nelly into quiet for a time. But by-and-by she said, “I +would not turn a dog out to do it harm; but the night is clear, and +Tommy shall guide you to the Red Cow. But, oh, I want to be alone! If +you’ll come back to-morrow, I’ll be better, and I’ll hear all, and +thank you for every kindness you have shown him,—and I do believe +you’ve showed him kindness,—though I don’t know why.” + +Susan moved heavily and strangely. + +She said something—her words came thick and unintelligible. She had had +a paralytic stroke since she had last spoken. She could not go, even if +she would. Nor did Eleanor, when she became aware of the state of the +case, wish her to leave. She had her laid on her own bed, and weeping +silently all the while for her last husband, she nursed Susan like a +sister. She did not know what her guest’s worldly position might be; +and she might never be repaid. But she sold many a little trifle to +purchase such small comforts as Susan needed. Susan, lying still and +motionless, learnt much. It was not a severe stroke; it might be the +forerunner of others yet to come, but at some distance of time. But for +the present she recovered, and regained much of her former health. On +her sick-bed she matured her plans. When she returned to Yew Nook, she +took Michael Hurst’s widow and children with her to live there, and +fill up the haunted hearth with living forms that should banish the +ghosts. + +And so it fell out that the latter days of Susan Dixon’s life were +better than the former. + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HALF A LIFE-TIME AGO *** + +***** This file should be named 2547-0.txt or 2547-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/5/4/2547/ + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the +United States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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