diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:19:21 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:19:21 -0700 |
| commit | 6dc1a2b5eb2d2faa6a94180790f86b7e78e0637c (patch) | |
| tree | 64bc817d08e16f96294c16ec81f455ffa465a389 | |
| -rw-r--r-- | .gitattributes | 3 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 2547-0.txt | 2134 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 2547-0.zip | bin | 0 -> 47126 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 2547-h.zip | bin | 0 -> 49115 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 2547-h/2547-h.htm | 2618 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | LICENSE.txt | 11 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | README.md | 2 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/hlflf10.txt | 2095 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/hlflf10.zip | bin | 0 -> 45427 bytes |
9 files changed, 6863 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/2547-0.txt b/2547-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..163362e --- /dev/null +++ b/2547-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2134 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook of Half a Life-time Ago, by Elizabeth Gaskell + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and +most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you +will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before +using this eBook. + +Title: Half a Life-time Ago + +Author: Elizabeth Gaskell + +Release Date: April 21, 2000 [eBook #2547] +[Most recently updated: April 20, 2021] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +Produced by: David Price + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HALF A LIFE-TIME AGO *** + + + + +Half a Life-time Ago + +by Elizabeth Gaskell + + +Contents + + CHAPTER I. + CHAPTER II. + CHAPTER III. + CHAPTER IV. + CHAPTER V. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +Half a life-time ago, there lived in one of the Westmoreland dales a +single woman, of the name of Susan Dixon. She was owner of the small +farm-house where she resided, and of some thirty or forty acres of land +by which it was surrounded. She had also an hereditary right to a +sheep-walk, extending to the wild fells that overhang Blea Tarn. In the +language of the country she was a Stateswoman. Her house is yet to be +seen on the Oxenfell road, between Skelwith and Coniston. You go along +a moorland track, made by the carts that occasionally came for turf +from the Oxenfell. A brook babbles and brattles by the wayside, giving +you a sense of companionship, which relieves the deep solitude in which +this way is usually traversed. Some miles on this side of Coniston +there is a farmstead—a gray stone house, and a square of farm-buildings +surrounding a green space of rough turf, in the midst of which stands a +mighty, funereal umbrageous yew, making a solemn shadow, as of death, +in the very heart and centre of the light and heat of the brightest +summer day. On the side away from the house, this yard slopes down to a +dark-brown pool, which is supplied with fresh water from the +overflowings of a stone cistern, into which some rivulet of the brook +before-mentioned continually and melodiously falls bubbling. The cattle +drink out of this cistern. The household bring their pitchers and fill +them with drinking-water by a dilatory, yet pretty, process. The +water-carrier brings with her a leaf of the hound’s-tongue fern, and, +inserting it in the crevice of the gray rock, makes a cool, green spout +for the sparkling stream. + +The house is no specimen, at the present day, of what it was in the +lifetime of Susan Dixon. Then, every small diamond pane in the windows +glittered with cleanliness. You might have eaten off the floor; you +could see yourself in the pewter plates and the polished oaken awmry, +or dresser, of the state kitchen into which you entered. Few strangers +penetrated further than this room. Once or twice, wandering tourists, +attracted by the lonely picturesqueness of the situation, and the +exquisite cleanliness of the house itself, made their way into this +house-place, and offered money enough (as they thought) to tempt the +hostess to receive them as lodgers. They would give no trouble, they +said; they would be out rambling or sketching all day long; would be +perfectly content with a share of the food which she provided for +herself; or would procure what they required from the Waterhead Inn at +Coniston. But no liberal sum—no fair words—moved her from her stony +manner, or her monotonous tone of indifferent refusal. No persuasion +could induce her to show any more of the house than that first room; no +appearance of fatigue procured for the weary an invitation to sit down +and rest; and if one more bold and less delicate did so without being +asked, Susan stood by, cold and apparently deaf, or only replying by +the briefest monosyllables, till the unwelcome visitor had departed. +Yet those with whom she had dealings, in the way of selling her cattle +or her farm produce, spoke of her as keen after a bargain—a hard one to +have to do with; and she never spared herself exertion or fatigue, at +market or in the field, to make the most of her produce. She led the +hay-makers with her swift, steady rake, and her noiseless evenness of +motion. She was about among the earliest in the market, examining +samples of oats, pricing them, and then turning with grim satisfaction +to her own cleaner corn. + +She was served faithfully and long by those who were rather her +fellow-labourers than her servants. She was even and just in her +dealings with them. If she was peculiar and silent, they knew her, and +knew that she might be relied on. Some of them had known her from her +childhood; and deep in their hearts was an unspoken—almost +unconscious—pity for her, for they knew her story, though they never +spoke of it. + +Yes; the time had been when that tall, gaunt, hard-featured, angular +woman—who never smiled, and hardly ever spoke an unnecessary word—had +been a fine-looking girl, bright-spirited and rosy; and when the hearth +at the Yew Nook had been as bright as she, with family love and +youthful hope and mirth. Fifty or fifty-one years ago, William Dixon +and his wife Margaret were alive; and Susan, their daughter, was about +eighteen years old—ten years older than the only other child, a boy +named after his father. William and Margaret Dixon were rather superior +people, of a character belonging—as far as I have seen—exclusively to +the class of Westmoreland and Cumberland statesmen—just, independent, +upright; not given to much speaking; kind-hearted, but not +demonstrative; disliking change, and new ways, and new people; sensible +and shrewd; each household self-contained, and its members having +little curiosity as to their neighbours, with whom they rarely met for +any social intercourse, save at the stated times of sheep-shearing and +Christmas; having a certain kind of sober pleasure in amassing money, +which occasionally made them miserable (as they call miserly people up +in the north) in their old age; reading no light or ephemeral +literature, but the grave, solid books brought round by the pedlars +(such as the “Paradise Lost” and “Regained,’” “The Death of Abel,” “The +Spiritual Quixote,” and “The Pilgrim’s Progress”), were to be found in +nearly every house: the men occasionally going off laking, _i.e._ +playing, _i.e._ drinking for days together, and having to be hunted up +by anxious wives, who dared not leave their husbands to the chances of +the wild precipitous roads, but walked miles and miles, lantern in +hand, in the dead of night, to discover and guide the solemnly-drunken +husband home; who had a dreadful headache the next day, and the day +after that came forth as grave, and sober, and virtuous looking as if +there were no such thing as malt and spirituous liquors in the world; +and who were seldom reminded of their misdoings by their wives, to whom +such occasional outbreaks were as things of course, when once the +immediate anxiety produced by them was over. Such were—such are—the +characteristics of a class now passing away from the face of the land, +as their compeers, the yeomen, have done before them. Of such was +William Dixon. He was a shrewd clever farmer, in his day and +generation, when shrewdness was rather shown in the breeding and +rearing of sheep and cattle than in the cultivation of land. Owing to +this character of his, statesmen from a distance from beyond Kendal, or +from Borrowdale, of greater wealth than he, would send their sons to be +farm-servants for a year or two with him, in order to learn some of his +methods before setting up on land of their own. When Susan, his +daughter, was about seventeen, one Michael Hurst was farm-servant at +Yew Nook. He worked with the master, and lived with the family, and was +in all respects treated as an equal, except in the field. His father +was a wealthy statesman at Wythburne, up beyond Grasmere; and through +Michael’s servitude the families had become acquainted, and the Dixons +went over to the High Beck sheep-shearing, and the Hursts came down by +Red Bank and Loughrig Tarn and across the Oxenfell when there was the +Christmas-tide feasting at Yew Nook. The fathers strolled round the +fields together, examined cattle and sheep, and looked knowing over +each other’s horses. The mothers inspected the dairies and household +arrangements, each openly admiring the plans of the other, but secretly +preferring their own. Both fathers and mothers cast a glance from time +to time at Michael and Susan, who were thinking of nothing less than +farm or dairy, but whose unspoken attachment was, in all ways, so +suitable and natural a thing that each parent rejoiced over it, +although with characteristic reserve it was never spoken about—not even +between husband and wife. + +Susan had been a strong, independent, healthy girl; a clever help to +her mother, and a spirited companion to her father; more of a man in +her (as he often said) than her delicate little brother ever would +have. He was his mother’s darling, although she loved Susan well. There +was no positive engagement between Michael and Susan—I doubt whether +even plain words of love had been spoken; when one winter-time Margaret +Dixon was seized with inflammation consequent upon a neglected cold. +She had always been strong and notable, and had been too busy to attend +to the early symptoms of illness. It would go off, she said to the +woman who helped in the kitchen; or if she did not feel better when +they had got the hams and bacon out of hand, she would take some +herb-tea and nurse up a bit. But Death could not wait till the hams and +bacon were cured: he came on with rapid strides, and shooting arrows of +portentous agony. Susan had never seen illness—never knew how much she +loved her mother till now, when she felt a dreadful, instinctive +certainty that she was losing her. Her mind was thronged with +recollections of the many times she had slighted her mother’s wishes; +her heart was full of the echoes of careless and angry replies that she +had spoken. What would she not now give to have opportunities of +service and obedience, and trials of her patience and love, for that +dear mother who lay gasping in torture! And yet Susan had been a good +girl and an affectionate daughter. + +The sharp pain went off, and delicious ease came on; yet still her +mother sunk. In the midst of this languid peace she was dying. She +motioned Susan to her bedside, for she could only whisper; and then, +while the father was out of the room, she spoke as much to the eager, +hungering eyes of her daughter by the motion of her lips, as by the +slow, feeble sounds of her voice. + +“Susan, lass, thou must not fret. It is God’s will, and thou wilt have +a deal to do. Keep father straight if thou canst; and if he goes out +Ulverstone ways, see that thou meet him before he gets to the Old +Quarry. It’s a dree bit for a man who has had a drop. As for lile +Will”—Here the poor woman’s face began to work and her fingers to move +nervously as they lay on the bed-quilt—“lile Will will miss me most of +all. Father’s often vexed with him because he’s not a quick strong lad; +he is not, my poor lile chap. And father thinks he’s saucy, because he +cannot always stomach oat-cake and porridge. There’s better than three +pound in th’ old black tea-pot on the top shelf of the cupboard. Just +keep a piece of loaf-bread by you, Susan dear, for Will to come to when +he’s not taken his breakfast. I have, may be, spoilt him; but there’ll +be no one to spoil him now.” + +She began to cry a low, feeble cry, and covered up her face that Susan +might not see her. That dear face! those precious moments while yet the +eyes could look out with love and intelligence. Susan laid her head +down close by her mother’s ear. + +“Mother I’ll take tent of Will. Mother, do you hear? He shall not want +ought I can give or get for him, least of all the kind words which you +had ever ready for us both. Bless you! bless you! my own mother.” + +“Thou’lt promise me that, Susan, wilt thou? I can die easy if thou’lt +take charge of him. But he’s hardly like other folk; he tries father at +times, though I think father’ll be tender of him when I’m gone, for my +sake. And, Susan, there’s one thing more. I never spoke on it for fear +of the bairn being called a tell-tale, but I just comforted him up. He +vexes Michael at times, and Michael has struck him before now. I did +not want to make a stir; but he’s not strong, and a word from thee, +Susan, will go a long way with Michael.” + +Susan was as red now as she had been pale before; it was the first time +that her influence over Michael had been openly acknowledged by a third +person, and a flash of joy came athwart the solemn sadness of the +moment. Her mother had spoken too much, and now came on the miserable +faintness. She never spoke again coherently; but when her children and +her husband stood by her bedside, she took lile Will’s hand and put it +into Susan’s, and looked at her with imploring eyes. Susan clasped her +arms round Will, and leaned her head upon his little curly one, and +vowed within herself to be as a mother to him. + +Henceforward she was all in all to her brother. She was a more spirited +and amusing companion to him than his mother had been, from her greater +activity, and perhaps, also, from her originality of character, which +often prompted her to perform her habitual actions in some new and racy +manner. She was tender to lile Will when she was prompt and sharp with +everybody else—with Michael most of all; for somehow the girl felt +that, unprotected by her mother, she must keep up her own dignity, and +not allow her lover to see how strong a hold he had upon her heart. He +called her hard and cruel, and left her so; and she smiled softly to +herself, when his back was turned, to think how little he guessed how +deeply he was loved. For Susan was merely comely and fine looking; +Michael was strikingly handsome, admired by all the girls for miles +round, and quite enough of a country coxcomb to know it and plume +himself accordingly. He was the second son of his father; the eldest +would have High Beck farm, of course, but there was a good penny in the +Kendal bank in store for Michael. When harvest was over, he went to +Chapel Langdale to learn to dance; and at night, in his merry moods, he +would do his steps on the flag floor of the Yew Nook kitchen, to the +secret admiration of Susan, who had never learned dancing, but who +flouted him perpetually, even while she admired, in accordance with the +rule she seemed to have made for herself about keeping him at a +distance so long as he lived under the same roof with her. One evening +he sulked at some saucy remark of hers; he sitting in the chimney +corner with his arms on his knees, and his head bent forwards, lazily +gazing into the wood-fire on the hearth, and luxuriating in rest after +a hard day’s labour; she sitting among the geraniums on the long, low +window-seat, trying to catch the last slanting rays of the autumnal +light to enable her to finish stitching a shirt-collar for Will, who +lounged full length on the flags at the other side of the hearth to +Michael, poking the burning wood from time to time with a long +hazel-stick to bring out the leap of glittering sparks. + +“And if you can dance a threesome reel, what good does it do ye?” asked +Susan, looking askance at Michael, who had just been vaunting his +proficiency. “Does it help you plough, reap, or even climb the rocks to +take a raven’s nest? If I were a man, I’d be ashamed to give in to such +softness.” + +“If you were a man, you’d be glad to do anything which made the pretty +girls stand round and admire.” + +“As they do to you, eh! Ho, Michael, that would not be my way o’ being +a man!” + +“What would then?” asked he, after a pause, during which he had +expected in vain that she would go on with her sentence. No answer. + +“I should not like you as a man, Susy; you’d be too hard and +headstrong.” + +“Am I hard and headstrong?” asked she, with as indifferent a tone as +she could assume, but which yet had a touch of pique in it. His quick +ear detected the inflexion. + +“No, Susy! You’re wilful at times, and that’s right enough. I don’t +like a girl without spirit. There’s a mighty pretty girl comes to the +dancing class; but she is all milk and water. Her eyes never flash like +yours when you’re put out; why, I can see them flame across the kitchen +like a cat’s in the dark. Now, if you were a man, I should feel queer +before those looks of yours; as it is, I rather like them, because—” + +“Because what?” asked she, looking up and perceiving that he had stolen +close up to her. + +“Because I can make all right in this way,” said he, kissing her +suddenly. + +“Can you?” said she, wrenching herself out of his grasp and panting, +half with rage. “Take that, by way of proof that making right is none +so easy.” And she boxed his ears pretty sharply. He went back to his +seat discomfited and out of temper. She could no longer see to look, +even if her face had not burnt and her eyes dazzled, but she did not +choose to move her seat, so she still preserved her stooping attitude +and pretended to go on sewing. + +“Eleanor Hebthwaite may be milk-and-water,” muttered he, “but—Confound +thee, lad! what art thou doing?” exclaimed Michael, as a great piece of +burning wood was cast into his face by an unlucky poke of Will’s. “Thou +great lounging, clumsy chap, I’ll teach thee better!” and with one or +two good round kicks he sent the lad whimpering away into the +back-kitchen. When he had a little recovered himself from his passion, +he saw Susan standing before him, her face looking strange and almost +ghastly by the reversed position of the shadows, arising from the +firelight shining upwards right under it. + +“I tell thee what, Michael,” said she, “that lad’s motherless, but not +friendless.” + +“His own father leathers him, and why should not I, when he’s given me +such a burn on my face?” said Michael, putting up his hand to his cheek +as if in pain. + +“His father’s his father, and there is nought more to be said. But if +he did burn thee, it was by accident, and not o’ purpose; as thou +kicked him, it’s a mercy if his ribs are not broken.” + +“He howls loud enough, I’m sure. I might ha’ kicked many a lad twice as +hard, and they’d ne’er ha’ said ought but ‘damn ye;’ but yon lad must +needs cry out like a stuck pig if one touches him;” replied Michael, +sullenly. + +Susan went back to the window-seat, and looked absently out of the +window at the drifting clouds for a minute or two, while her eyes +filled with tears. Then she got up and made for the outer door which +led into the back-kitchen. Before she reached it, however, she heard a +low voice, whose music made her thrill, say— + +“Susan, Susan!” + +Her heart melted within her, but it seemed like treachery to her poor +boy, like faithlessness to her dead mother, to turn to her lover while +the tears which he had caused to flow were yet unwiped on Will’s +cheeks. So she seemed to take no heed, but passed into the darkness, +and, guided by the sobs, she found her way to where Willie sat crouched +among the disused tubs and churns. + +“Come out wi’ me, lad;” and they went out into the orchard, where the +fruit-trees were bare of leaves, but ghastly in their tattered covering +of gray moss: and the soughing November wind came with long sweeps over +the fells till it rattled among the crackling boughs, underneath which +the brother and sister sat in the dark; he in her lap, and she hushing +his head against her shoulder. + +“Thou should’st na’ play wi’ fire. It’s a naughty trick. Thoul’t suffer +for it in worse ways nor this before thou’st done, I’m afeared. I +should ha’ hit thee twice as lungeous kicks as Mike, if I’d been in his +place. He did na’ hurt thee, I am sure,” she assumed, half as a +question. + +“Yes but he did. He turned me quite sick.” And he let his head fall +languidly down on his sister’s breast. + +“Come, lad! come, lad!” said she anxiously. “Be a man. It was not much +that I saw. Why, when first the red cow came she kicked me far harder +for offering to milk her before her legs were tied. See thee! here’s a +peppermint-drop, and I’ll make thee a pasty to-night; only don’t give +way so, for it hurts me sore to think that Michael has done thee any +harm, my pretty.” + +Willie roused himself up, and put back the wet and ruffled hair from +his heated face; and he and Susan rose up, and hand-in-hand went +towards the house, walking slowly and quietly except for a kind of sob +which Willie could not repress. Susan took him to the pump and washed +his tear-stained face, till she thought she had obliterated all traces +of the recent disturbance, arranging his curls for him, and then she +kissed him tenderly, and led him in, hoping to find Michael in the +kitchen, and make all straight between them. But the blaze had dropped +down into darkness; the wood was a heap of gray ashes in which the +sparks ran hither and thither; but even in the groping darkness Susan +knew by the sinking at her heart that Michael was not there. She threw +another brand on the hearth and lighted the candle, and sat down to her +work in silence. Willie cowered on his stool by the side of the fire, +eyeing his sister from time to time, and sorry and oppressed, he knew +not why, by the sight of her grave, almost stern face. No one came. +They two were in the house alone. The old woman who helped Susan with +the household work had gone out for the night to some friend’s +dwelling. William Dixon, the father, was up on the fells seeing after +his sheep. Susan had no heart to prepare the evening meal. + +“Susy, darling, are you angry with me?” said Willie, in his little +piping, gentle voice. He had stolen up to his sister’s side. “I won’t +never play with the fire again; and I’ll not cry if Michael does kick +me. Only don’t look so like dead mother—don’t—don’t—please don’t!” he +exclaimed, hiding his face on her shoulder. + +“I’m not angry, Willie,” said she. “Don’t be feared on me. You want +your supper, and you shall have it; and don’t you be feared on Michael. +He shall give reason for every hair of your head that he touches—he +shall.” + +When William Dixon came home he found Susan and Willie sitting +together, hand-in-hand, and apparently pretty cheerful. He bade them go +to bed, for that he would sit up for Michael; and the next morning, +when Susan came down, she found that Michael had started an hour before +with the cart for lime. It was a long day’s work; Susan knew it would +be late, perhaps later than on the preceding night, before he +returned—at any rate, past her usual bed-time; and on no account would +she stop up a minute beyond that hour in the kitchen, whatever she +might do in her bed-room. Here she sat and watched till past midnight; +and when she saw him coming up the brow with the carts, she knew full +well, even in that faint moonlight, that his gait was the gait of a man +in liquor. But though she was annoyed and mortified to find in what way +he had chosen to forget her, the fact did not disgust or shock her as +it would have done many a girl, even at that day, who had not been +brought up as Susan had, among a class who considered it no crime, but +rather a mark of spirit, in a man to get drunk occasionally. +Nevertheless, she chose to hold herself very high all the next day when +Michael was, perforce, obliged to give up any attempt to do heavy work, +and hung about the out-buildings and farm in a very disconsolate and +sickly state. Willie had far more pity on him than Susan. Before +evening, Willie and he were fast, and, on his side, ostentatious +friends. Willie rode the horses down to water; Willie helped him to +chop wood. Susan sat gloomily at her work, hearing an indistinct but +cheerful conversation going on in the shippon, while the cows were +being milked. She almost felt irritated with her little brother, as if +he were a traitor, and had gone over to the enemy in the very battle +that she was fighting in his cause. She was alone with no one to speak +to, while they prattled on regardless if she were glad or sorry. + +Soon Willie burst in. “Susan! Susan! come with me; I’ve something so +pretty to show you. Round the corner of the barn—run! run!” (He was +dragging her along, half reluctant, half desirous of some change in +that weary day.) Round the corner of the barn; and caught hold of by +Michael, who stood there awaiting her. + +“O Willie!” cried she “you naughty boy. There is nothing pretty—what +have you brought me here for? Let me go; I won’t be held.” + +“Only one word. Nay, if you wish it so much, you may go,” said Michael, +suddenly loosing his hold as she struggled. But now she was free, she +only drew off a step or two, murmuring something about Willie. + +“You are going, then?” said Michael, with seeming sadness. “You won’t +hear me say a word of what is in my heart.” + +“How can I tell whether it is what I should like to hear?” replied she, +still drawing back. + +“That is just what I want you to tell me; I want you to hear it and +then to tell me whether you like it or not.” + +“Well, you may speak,” replied she, turning her back, and beginning to +plait the hem of her apron. + +He came close to her ear. + +“I’m sorry I hurt Willie the other night. He has forgiven me. Can you?” + +“You hurt him very badly,” she replied. “But you are right to be sorry. +I forgive you.” + +“Stop, stop!” said he, laying his hand upon her arm. “There is +something more I’ve got to say. I want you to be my—what is it they +call it, Susan?” + +“I don’t know,” said she, half-laughing, but trying to get away with +all her might now; and she was a strong girl, but she could not manage +it. + +“You do. My—what is it I want you to be?” + +“I tell you I don’t know, and you had best be quiet, and just let me go +in, or I shall think you’re as bad now as you were last night.” + +“And how did you know what I was last night? It was past twelve when I +came home. Were you watching? Ah, Susan! be my wife, and you shall +never have to watch for a drunken husband. If I were your husband, I +would come straight home, and count every minute an hour till I saw +your bonny face. Now you know what I want you to be. I ask you to be my +wife. Will you, my own dear Susan?” + +She did not speak for some time. Then she only said “Ask father.” And +now she was really off like a lapwing round the corner of the barn, and +up in her own little room, crying with all her might, before the +triumphant smile had left Michael’s face where he stood. + +The “Ask father” was a mere form to be gone though. Old Daniel Hurst +and William Dixon had talked over what they could respectively give +their children before this; and that was the parental way of arranging +such matters. When the probable amount of worldly gear that he could +give his child had been named by each father, the young folk, as they +said, might take their own time in coming to the point which the old +men, with the prescience of experience, saw they were drifting to; no +need to hurry them, for they were both young, and Michael, though +active enough, was too thoughtless, old Daniel said, to be trusted with +the entire management of a farm. Meanwhile, his father would look about +him, and see after all the farms that were to be let. + +Michael had a shrewd notion of this preliminary understanding between +the fathers, and so felt less daunted than he might otherwise have done +at making the application for Susan’s hand. It was all right, there was +not an obstacle; only a deal of good advice, which the lover thought +might have as well been spared, and which it must be confessed he did +not much attend to, although he assented to every part of it. Then +Susan was called down stairs, and slowly came dropping into view down +the steps which led from the two family apartments into the +house-place. She tried to look composed and quiet, but it could not be +done. She stood side by side with her lover, with her head drooping, +her cheeks burning, not daring to look up or move, while her father +made the newly-betrothed a somewhat formal address in which he gave his +consent, and many a piece of worldly wisdom beside. Susan listened as +well as she could for the beating of her heart; but when her father +solemnly and sadly referred to his own lost wife, she could keep from +sobbing no longer; but throwing her apron over her face, she sat down +on the bench by the dresser, and fairly gave way to pent-up tears. Oh, +how strangely sweet to be comforted as she was comforted, by tender +caress, and many a low-whispered promise of love! Her father sat by the +fire, thinking of the days that were gone; Willie was still out of +doors; but Susan and Michael felt no one’s presence or absence—they +only knew they were together as betrothed husband and wife. + +In a week, or two, they were formally told of the arrangements to be +made in their favour. A small farm in the neighbourhood happened to +fall vacant; and Michael’s father offered to take it for him, and be +responsible for the rent for the first year, while William Dixon was to +contribute a certain amount of stock, and both fathers were to help +towards the furnishing of the house. Susan received all this +information in a quiet, indifferent way; she did not care much for any +of these preparations, which were to hurry her through the happy hours; +she cared least of all for the money amount of dowry and of substance. +It jarred on her to be made the confidante of occasional slight +repinings of Michael’s, as one by one his future father-in-law set +aside a beast or a pig for Susan’s portion, which were not always the +best animals of their kind upon the farm. But he also complained of his +own father’s stinginess, which somewhat, though not much, alleviated +Susan’s dislike to being awakened out of her pure dream of love to the +consideration of worldly wealth. + +But in the midst of all this bustle, Willie moped and pined. He had the +same chord of delicacy running through his mind that made his body +feeble and weak. He kept out of the way, and was apparently occupied in +whittling and carving uncouth heads on hazel-sticks in an out-house. +But he positively avoided Michael, and shrunk away even from Susan. She +was too much occupied to notice this at first. Michael pointed it out +to her, saying, with a laugh,— + +“Look at Willie! he might be a cast-off lover and jealous of me, he +looks so dark and downcast at me.” Michael spoke this jest out loud, +and Willie burst into tears, and ran out of the house. + +“Let me go. Let me go!” said Susan (for her lover’s arm was round her +waist). “I must go to him if he’s fretting. I promised mother I would!” +She pulled herself away, and went in search of the boy. She sought in +byre and barn, through the orchard, where indeed in this leafless +winter-time there was no great concealment; up into the room where the +wool was usually stored in the later summer, and at last she found him, +sitting at bay, like some hunted creature, up behind the wood-stack. + +“What are ye gone for, lad, and me seeking you everywhere?” asked she, +breathless. + +“I did not know you would seek me. I’ve been away many a time, and no +one has cared to seek me,” said he, crying afresh. + +“Nonsense,” replied Susan, “don’t be so foolish, ye little +good-for-nought.” But she crept up to him in the hole he had made +underneath the great, brown sheafs of wood, and squeezed herself down +by him. “What for should folk seek after you, when you get away from +them whenever you can?” asked she. + +“They don’t want me to stay. Nobody wants me. If I go with father, he +says I hinder more than I help. You used to like to have me with you. +But now, you’ve taken up with Michael, and you’d rather I was away; and +I can just bide away; but I cannot stand Michael jeering at me. He’s +got you to love him and that might serve him.” + +“But I love you, too, dearly, lad!” said she, putting her arm round his +neck. + +“Which one of us do you like best?” said he, wistfully, after a little +pause, putting her arm away, so that he might look in her face, and see +if she spoke truth. + +She went very red. + +“You should not ask such questions. They are not fit for you to ask, +nor for me to answer.” + +“But mother bade you love me!” said he, plaintively. + +“And so I do. And so I ever will do. Lover nor husband shall come +betwixt thee and me, lad—ne’er a one of them. That I promise thee (as I +promised mother before), in the sight of God and with her hearkening +now, if ever she can hearken to earthly word again. Only I cannot abide +to have thee fretting, just because my heart is large enough for two.” + +“And thou’lt love me always?” + +“Always, and ever. And the more—the more thou’lt love Michael,” said +she, dropping her voice. + +“I’ll try,” said the boy, sighing, for he remembered many a harsh word +and blow of which his sister knew nothing. She would have risen up to +go away, but he held her tight, for here and now she was all his own, +and he did not know when such a time might come again. So the two sat +crouched up and silent, till they heard the horn blowing at the +field-gate, which was the summons home to any wanderers belonging to +the farm, and at this hour of the evening, signified that supper was +ready. Then the two went in. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +Susan and Michael were to be married in April. He had already gone to +take possession of his new farm, three or four miles away from Yew +Nook—but that is neighbouring, according to the acceptation of the word +in that thinly-populated district,—when William Dixon fell ill. He came +home one evening, complaining of head-ache and pains in his limbs, but +seemed to loathe the posset which Susan prepared for him; the +treacle-posset which was the homely country remedy against an incipient +cold. He took to his bed with a sensation of exceeding weariness, and +an odd, unusual looking-back to the days of his youth, when he was a +lad living with his parents, in this very house. + +The next morning he had forgotten all his life since then, and did not +know his own children; crying, like a newly-weaned baby, for his mother +to come and soothe away his terrible pain. The doctor from Coniston +said it was the typhus-fever, and warned Susan of its infectious +character, and shook his head over his patient. There were no near +friends to come and share her anxiety; only good, kind old Peggy, who +was faithfulness itself, and one or two labourers’ wives, who would +fain have helped her, had not their hands been tied by their +responsibility to their own families. But, somehow, Susan neither +feared nor flagged. As for fear, indeed, she had no time to give way to +it, for every energy of both body and mind was required. Besides, the +young have had too little experience of the danger of infection to +dread it much. She did indeed wish, from time to time, that Michael had +been at home to have taken Willie over to his father’s at High Beck; +but then, again, the lad was docile and useful to her, and his +fecklessness in many things might make him harshly treated by +strangers; so, perhaps, it was as well that Michael was away at Appleby +fair, or even beyond that—gone into Yorkshire after horses. + +Her father grew worse; and the doctor insisted on sending over a nurse +from Coniston. Not a professed nurse—Coniston could not have supported +such a one; but a widow who was ready to go where the doctor sent her +for the sake of the payment. When she came, Susan suddenly gave way; +she was felled by the fever herself, and lay unconscious for long +weeks. Her consciousness returned to her one spring afternoon; early +spring: April,—her wedding-month. There was a little fire burning in +the small corner-grate, and the flickering of the blaze was enough for +her to notice in her weak state. She felt that there was some one +sitting on the window-side of her bed, behind the curtain, but she did +not care to know who it was; it was even too great a trouble for her +languid mind to consider who it was likely to be. She would rather shut +her eyes, and melt off again into the gentle luxury of sleep. The next +time she wakened, the Coniston nurse perceived her movement, and made +her a cup of tea, which she drank with eager relish; but still they did +not speak, and once more Susan lay motionless—not asleep, but +strangely, pleasantly conscious of all the small chamber and household +sounds; the fall of a cinder on the hearth, the fitful singing of the +half-empty kettle, the cattle tramping out to field again after they +had been milked, the aged step on the creaking stair—old Peggy’s, as +she knew. It came to her door; it stopped; the person outside listened +for a moment, and then lifted the wooden latch, and looked in. The +watcher by the bedside arose, and went to her. Susan would have been +glad to see Peggy’s face once more, but was far too weak to turn, so +she lay and listened. + +“How is she?” whispered one trembling, aged voice. + +“Better,” replied the other. “She’s been awake, and had a cup of tea. +She’ll do now.” + +“Has she asked after him?” + +“Hush! No; she has not spoken a word.” + +“Poor lass! poor lass!” + +The door was shut. A weak feeling of sorrow and self-pity came over +Susan. What was wrong? Whom had she loved? And dawning, dawning, slowly +rose the sun of her former life, and all particulars were made distinct +to her. She felt that some sorrow was coming to her, and cried over it +before she knew what it was, or had strength enough to ask. In the dead +of night,—and she had never slept again,—she softly called to the +watcher, and asked— + +“Who?” + +“Who what?” replied the woman, with a conscious affright, ill-veiled by +a poor assumption of ease. “Lie still, there’s a darling, and go to +sleep. Sleep’s better for you than all the doctor’s stuff.” + +“Who?” repeated Susan. “Something is wrong. Who?” + +“Oh, dear!” said the woman. “There’s nothing wrong. Willie has taken +the turn, and is doing nicely.” + +“Father?” + +“Well! he’s all right now,” she answered, looking another way, as if +seeking for something. + +“Then it’s Michael! Oh, me! oh, me!” She set up a succession of weak, +plaintive, hysterical cries before the nurse could pacify her, by +declaring that Michael had been at the house not three hours before to +ask after her, and looked as well and as hearty as ever man did. + +“And you heard of no harm to him since?” inquired Susan. + +“Bless the lass, no, for sure! I’ve ne’er heard his name named since I +saw him go out of the yard as stout a man as ever trod shoe-leather.” + +It was well, as the nurse said afterwards to Peggy, that Susan had been +so easily pacified by the equivocating answer in respect to her father. +If she had pressed the questions home in his case as she did in +Michael’s, she would have learnt that he was dead and buried more than +a month before. It was well, too, that in her weak state of +convalescence (which lasted long after this first day of consciousness) +her perceptions were not sharp enough to observe the sad change that +had taken place in Willie. His bodily strength returned, his appetite +was something enormous, but his eyes wandered continually; his regard +could not be arrested; his speech became slow, impeded, and incoherent. +People began to say that the fever had taken away the little wit Willie +Dixon had ever possessed and that they feared that he would end in +being a “natural,” as they call an idiot in the Dales. + +The habitual affection and obedience to Susan lasted longer than any +other feeling that the boy had had previous to his illness; and, +perhaps, this made her be the last to perceive what every one else had +long anticipated. She felt the awakening rude when it did come. It was +in this wise:— + +One June evening, she sat out of doors under the yew-tree, knitting. +She was pale still from her recent illness; and her languor, joined to +the fact of her black dress, made her look more than usually +interesting. She was no longer the buoyant self-sufficient Susan, equal +to every occasion. The men were bringing in the cows to be milked, and +Michael was about in the yard giving orders and directions with +somewhat the air of a master, for the farm belonged of right to Willie, +and Susan had succeeded to the guardianship of her brother. Michael and +she were to be married as soon as she was strong enough—so, perhaps, +his authoritative manner was justified; but the labourers did not like +it, although they said little. They remembered a stripling on the farm, +knowing far less than they did, and often glad to shelter his ignorance +of all agricultural matters behind their superior knowledge. They would +have taken orders from Susan with far more willingness; nay, Willie +himself might have commanded them; and from the old hereditary feeling +toward the owners of land, they would have obeyed him with far greater +cordiality than they now showed to Michael. But Susan was tired with +even three rounds of knitting, and seemed not to notice, or to care, +how things went on around her; and Willie—poor Willie!—there he stood +lounging against the door-sill, enormously grown and developed, to be +sure, but with restless eyes and ever-open mouth, and every now and +then setting up a strange kind of howling cry, and then smiling +vacantly to himself at the sound he had made. As the two old labourers +passed him, they looked at each other ominously, and shook their heads. + +“Willie, darling,” said Susan, “don’t make that noise—it makes my head +ache.” + +She spoke feebly, and Willie did not seem to hear; at any rate, he +continued his howl from time to time. + +“Hold thy noise, wilt’a?” said Michael, roughly, as he passed near him, +and threatening him with his fist. Susan’s back was turned to the pair. +The expression of Willie’s face changed from vacancy to fear, and he +came shambling up to Susan, who put her arm round him, and, as if +protected by that shelter, he began making faces at Michael. Susan saw +what was going on, and, as if now first struck by the strangeness of +her brother’s manner, she looked anxiously at Michael for an +explanation. Michael was irritated at Willie’s defiance of him, and did +not mince the matter. + +“It’s just that the fever has left him silly—he never was as wise as +other folk, and now I doubt if he will ever get right.” + +Susan did not speak, but she went very pale, and her lip quivered. She +looked long and wistfully at Willie’s face, as he watched the motion of +the ducks in the great stable-pool. He laughed softly to himself every +now and then. + +“Willie likes to see the ducks go overhead,” said Susan, instinctively +adopting the form of speech she would have used to a young child. + +“Willie, boo! Willie, boo!” he replied, clapping his hands, and +avoiding her eye. + +“Speak properly, Willie,” said Susan, making a strong effort at +self-control, and trying to arrest his attention. + +“You know who I am—tell me my name!” She grasped his arm almost +painfully tight to make him attend. Now he looked at her, and, for an +instant, a gleam of recognition quivered over his face; but the +exertion was evidently painful, and he began to cry at the vainness of +the effort to recall her name. He hid his face upon her shoulder with +the old affectionate trick of manner. She put him gently away, and went +into the house into her own little bedroom. She locked the door, and +did not reply at all to Michael’s calls for her, hardly spoke to old +Peggy, who tried to tempt her out to receive some homely sympathy, and +through the open easement there still came the idiotic sound of +“Willie, boo! Willie, boo!” + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +After the stun of the blow came the realization of the consequences. +Susan would sit for hours trying patiently to recall and piece together +fragments of recollection and consciousness in her brother’s mind. She +would let him go and pursue some senseless bit of play, and wait until +she could catch his eye or his attention again, when she would resume +her self-imposed task. Michael complained that she never had a word for +him, or a minute of time to spend with him now; but she only said she +must try, while there was yet a chance, to bring back her brother’s +lost wits. As for marriage in this state of uncertainty, she had no +heart to think of it. Then Michael stormed, and absented himself for +two or three days; but it was of no use. When he came back, he saw that +she had been crying till her eyes were all swollen up, and he gathered +from Peggy’s scoldings (which she did not spare him) that Susan had +eaten nothing since he went away. But she was as inflexible as ever. + +“Not just yet. Only not just yet. And don’t say again that I do not +love you,” said she, suddenly hiding herself in his arms. + +And so matters went on through August. The crop of oats was gathered +in; the wheat-field was not ready as yet, when one fine day Michael +drove up in a borrowed shandry, and offered to take Willie a ride. His +manner, when Susan asked him where he was going to, was rather +confused; but the answer was straight and clear enough. + +He had business in Ambleside. He would never lose sight of the lad, and +have him back safe and sound before dark. So Susan let him go. + +Before night they were at home again: Willie in high delight at a +little rattling paper windmill that Michael had bought for him in the +street, and striving to imitate this new sound with perpetual buzzings. +Michael, too, looked pleased. Susan knew the look, although afterwards +she remembered that he had tried to veil it from her, and had assumed a +grave appearance of sorrow whenever he caught her eye. He put up his +horse; for, although he had three miles further to go, the moon was +up—the bonny harvest-moon—and he did not care how late he had to drive +on such a road by such a light. After the supper which Susan had +prepared for the travellers was over, Peggy went up-stairs to see +Willie safe in bed; for he had to have the same care taken of him that +a little child of four years old requires. + +Michael drew near to Susan. + +“Susan,” said he, “I took Will to see Dr. Preston, at Kendal. He’s the +first doctor in the county. I thought it were better for us—for you—to +know at once what chance there were for him.” + +“Well!” said Susan, looking eagerly up. She saw the same strange glance +of satisfaction, the same instant change to apparent regret and pain. +“What did he say?” said she. “Speak! can’t you?” + +“He said he would never get better of his weakness.” + +“Never!” + +“No; never. It’s a long word, and hard to bear. And there’s worse to +come, dearest. The doctor thinks he will get badder from year to year. +And he said, if he was us—you—he would send him off in time to +Lancaster Asylum. They’ve ways there both of keeping such people in +order and making them happy. I only tell you what he said,” continued +he, seeing the gathering storm in her face. + +“There was no harm in his saying it,” she replied, with great +self-constraint, forcing herself to speak coldly instead of angrily. +“Folk is welcome to their opinions.” + +They sat silent for a minute or two, her breast heaving with suppressed +feeling. + +“He’s counted a very clever man,” said Michael at length. + +“He may be. He’s none of my clever men, nor am I going to be guided by +him, whatever he may think. And I don’t thank them that went and took +my poor lad to have such harsh notions formed about him. If I’d been +there, I could have called out the sense that is in him.” + +“Well! I’ll not say more to-night, Susan. You’re not taking it rightly, +and I’d best be gone, and leave you to think it over. I’ll not deny +they are hard words to hear, but there’s sense in them, as I take it; +and I reckon you’ll have to come to ’em. Anyhow, it’s a bad way of +thanking me for my pains, and I don’t take it well in you, Susan,” said +he, getting up, as if offended. + +“Michael, I’m beside myself with sorrow. Don’t blame me if I speak +sharp. He and me is the only ones, you see. And mother did so charge me +to have a care of him! And this is what he’s come to, poor lile chap!” +She began to cry, and Michael to comfort her with caresses. + +“Don’t,” said she. “It’s no use trying to make me forget poor Willie is +a natural. I could hate myself for being happy with you, even for just +a little minute. Go away, and leave me to face it out.” + +“And you’ll think it over, Susan, and remember what the doctor says?” + +“I can’t forget,” said she. She meant she could not forget what the +doctor had said about the hopelessness of her brother’s case; Michael +had referred to the plan of sending Willie to an asylum, or madhouse, +as they were called in that day and place. The idea had been gathering +force in Michael’s mind for some time; he had talked it over with his +father, and secretly rejoiced over the possession of the farm and land +which would then be his in fact, if not in law, by right of his wife. +He had always considered the good penny her father could give her in +his catalogue of Susan’s charms and attractions. But of late he had +grown to esteem her as the heiress of Yew Nook. He, too, should have +land like his brother—land to possess, to cultivate, to make profit +from, to bequeath. For some time he had wondered that Susan had been so +much absorbed in Willie’s present, that she had never seemed to look +forward to his future, state. Michael had long felt the boy to be a +trouble; but of late he had absolutely loathed him. His gibbering, his +uncouth gestures, his loose, shambling gait, all irritated Michael +inexpressibly. He did not come near the Yew Nook for a couple of days. +He thought that he would leave her time to become anxious to see him +and reconciled to his plan. They were strange lonely days to Susan. +They were the first she had spent face to face with the sorrows that +had turned her from a girl into a woman; for hitherto Michael had never +let twenty-four hours pass by without coming to see her since she had +had the fever. Now that he was absent, it seemed as though some cause +of irritation was removed from Will, who was much more gentle and +tractable than he had been for many weeks. Susan thought that she +observed him making efforts at her bidding, and there was something +piteous in the way in which he crept up to her, and looked wistfully in +her face, as if asking her to restore him the faculties that he felt to +be wanting. + +“I never will let thee go, lad. Never! There’s no knowing where they +would take thee to, or what they would do with thee. As it says in the +Bible, ‘Nought but death shall part thee and me!’” + +The country-side was full, in those days, of stories of the brutal +treatment offered to the insane; stories that were, in fact, but too +well founded, and the truth of one of which only would have been a +sufficient reason for the strong prejudice existing against all such +places. Each succeeding hour that Susan passed, alone, or with the poor +affectionate lad for her sole companion, served to deepen her solemn +resolution never to part with him. So, when Michael came, he was +annoyed and surprised by the calm way in which she spoke, as if +following Dr. Preston’s advice was utterly and entirely out of the +question. He had expected nothing less than a consent, reluctant it +might be, but still a consent; and he was extremely irritated. He could +have repressed his anger, but he chose rather to give way to it; +thinking that he could thus best work upon Susan’s affection, so as to +gain his point. But, somehow, he over-reached himself; and now he was +astonished in his turn at the passion of indignation that she burst +into. + +“Thou wilt not bide in the same house with him, say’st thou? There’s no +need for thy biding, as far as I can tell. There’s solemn reason why I +should bide with my own flesh and blood and keep to the word I pledged +my mother on her death-bed; but, as for thee, there’s no tie that I +know on to keep thee fro’ going to America or Botany Bay this very +night, if that were thy inclination. I will have no more of your +threats to make me send my bairn away. If thou marry me, thou’lt help +me to take charge of Willie. If thou doesn’t choose to marry me on +those terms—why, I can snap my fingers at thee, never fear. I’m not so +far gone in love as that. But I will not have thee, if thou say’st in +such a hectoring way that Willie must go out of the house—and the house +his own too—before thoul’t set foot in it. Willie bides here, and I +bide with him.” + +“Thou hast may-be spoken a word too much,” said Michael, pale with +rage. “If I am free, as thou say’st, to go to Canada, or Botany Bay, I +reckon I’m free to live where I like, and that will not be with a +natural who may turn into a madman some day, for aught I know. Choose +between him and me, Susy, for I swear to thee, thou shan’t have both.” + +“I have chosen,” said Susan, now perfectly composed and still. +“Whatever comes of it, I bide with Willie.” + +“Very well,” replied Michael, trying to assume an equal composure of +manner. “Then I’ll wish you a very good night.” He went out of the +house door, half-expecting to be called back again; but, instead, he +heard a hasty step inside, and a bolt drawn. + +“Whew!” said he to himself, “I think I must leave my lady alone for a +week or two, and give her time to come to her senses. She’ll not find +it so easy as she thinks to let me go.” + +So he went past the kitchen-window in nonchalant style, and was not +seen again at Yew Nook for some weeks. How did he pass the time? For +the first day or two, he was unusually cross with all things and people +that came athwart him. Then wheat-harvest began, and he was busy, and +exultant about his heavy crop. Then a man came from a distance to bid +for the lease of his farm, which, by his father’s advice, had been +offered for sale, as he himself was so soon likely to remove to the Yew +Nook. He had so little idea that Susan really would remain firm to her +determination, that he at once began to haggle with the man who came +after his farm, showed him the crop just got in, and managed skilfully +enough to make a good bargain for himself. Of course, the bargain had +to be sealed at the public-house; and the companions he met with there +soon became friends enough to tempt him into Langdale, where again he +met with Eleanor Hebthwaite. + +How did Susan pass the time? For the first day or so, she was too angry +and offended to cry. She went about her household duties in a quick, +sharp, jerking, yet absent way; shrinking one moment from Will, +overwhelming him with remorseful caresses the next. The third day of +Michael’s absence, she had the relief of a good fit of crying; and +after that, she grew softer and more tender; she felt how harshly she +had spoken to him, and remembered how angry she had been. She made +excuses for him. “It was no wonder,” she said to herself, “that he had +been vexed with her; and no wonder he would not give in, when she had +never tried to speak gently or to reason with him. She was to blame, +and she would tell him so, and tell him once again all that her mother +had bade her to be to Willie, and all the horrible stories she had +heard about madhouses, and he would be on her side at once.” + +And so she watched for his coming, intending to apologise as soon as +ever she saw him. She hurried over her household work, in order to sit +quietly at her sewing, and hear the first distant sound of his +well-known step or whistle. But even the sound of her flying needle +seemed too loud—perhaps she was losing an exquisite instant of +anticipation; so she stopped sewing, and looked longingly out through +the geranium leaves, in order that her eye might catch the first stir +of the branches in the wood-path by which he generally came. Now and +then a bird might spring out of the covert; otherwise the leaves were +heavily still in the sultry weather of early autumn. Then she would +take up her sewing, and, with a spasm of resolution, she would +determine that a certain task should be fulfilled before she would +again allow herself the poignant luxury of expectation. Sick at heart +was she when the evening closed in, and the chances of that day +diminished. Yet she stayed up longer than usual, thinking that if he +were coming—if he were only passing along the distant road—the sight of +a light in the window might encourage him to make his appearance even +at that late hour, while seeing the house all darkened and shut up +might quench any such intention. + +Very sick and weary at heart, she went to bed; too desolate and +despairing to cry, or make any moan. But in the morning hope came +afresh. Another day—another chance! And so it went on for weeks. Peggy +understood her young mistress’s sorrow full well, and respected it by +her silence on the subject. Willie seemed happier now that the +irritation of Michael’s presence was removed; for the poor idiot had a +sort of antipathy to Michael, which was a kind of heart’s echo to the +repugnance in which the latter held him. Altogether, just at this time, +Willie was the happiest of the three. + +As Susan went into Coniston, to sell her butter, one Saturday, some +inconsiderate person told her that she had seen Michael Hurst the night +before. I said inconsiderate, but I might rather have said unobservant; +for any one who had spent half-an-hour in Susan Dixon’s company might +have seen that she disliked having any reference made to the subjects +nearest her heart, were they joyous or grievous. Now she went a little +paler than usual (and she had never recovered her colour since she had +had the fever), and tried to keep silence. But an irrepressible pang +forced out the question— + +“Where?” + +“At Thomas Applethwaite’s, in Langdale. They had a kind of +harvest-home, and he were there among the young folk, and very thick +wi’ Nelly Hebthwaite, old Thomas’s niece. Thou’lt have to look after +him a bit, Susan!” + +She neither smiled nor sighed. The neighbour who had been speaking to +her was struck with the gray stillness of her face. Susan herself felt +how well her self-command was obeyed by every little muscle, and said +to herself in her Spartan manner, “I can bear it without either wincing +or blenching.” She went home early, at a tearing, passionate pace, +trampling and breaking through all obstacles of briar or bush. Willie +was moping in her absence—hanging listlessly on the farm-yard gate to +watch for her. When he saw her, he set up one of his strange, +inarticulate cries, of which she was now learning the meaning, and came +towards her with his loose, galloping run, head and limbs all shaking +and wagging with pleasant excitement. Suddenly she turned from him, and +burst into tears. She sat down on a stone by the wayside, not a hundred +yards from home, and buried her face in her hands, and gave way to a +passion of pent-up sorrow; so terrible and full of agony were her low +cries, that the idiot stood by her, aghast and silent. All his joy gone +for the time, but not, like her joy, turned into ashes. Some thought +struck him. Yes! the sight of her woe made him think, great as the +exertion was. He ran, and stumbled, and shambled home, buzzing with his +lips all the time. She never missed him. He came back in a trice, +bringing with him his cherished paper windmill, bought on that fatal +day when Michael had taken him into Kendal to have his doom of +perpetual idiocy pronounced. He thrust it into Susan’s face, her hands, +her lap, regardless of the injury his frail plaything thereby received. +He leapt before her to think how he had cured all heart-sorrow, buzzing +louder than ever. Susan looked up at him, and that glance of her sad +eyes sobered him. He began to whimper, he knew not why: and she now, +comforter in her turn, tried to soothe him by twirling his windmill. +But it was broken; it made no noise; it would not go round. This seemed +to afflict Susan more than him. She tried to make it right, although +she saw the task was hopeless; and while she did so, the tears rained +down unheeded from her bent head on the paper toy. + +“It won’t do,” said she, at last. “It will never do again.” And, +somehow, she took the accident and her words as omens of the love that +was broken, and that she feared could never be pieced together more. +She rose up and took Willie’s hand, and the two went slowly into the +house. + +To her surprise, Michael Hurst sat in the house-place. House-place is a +sort of better kitchen, where no cookery is done, but which is reserved +for state occasions. Michael had gone in there because he was +accompanied by his only sister, a woman older than himself, who was +well married beyond Keswick, and who now came for the first time to +make acquaintance with Susan. Michael had primed his sister with his +wishes regarding Will, and the position in which he stood with Susan; +and arriving at Yew Nook in the absence of the latter, he had not +scrupled to conduct his sister into the guest-room, as he held Mrs. +Gale’s worldly position in respect and admiration, and therefore wished +her to be favourably impressed with all the signs of property which he +was beginning to consider as Susan’s greatest charms. He had secretly +said to himself, that if Eleanor Hebthwaite and Susan Dixon were equal +in point of riches, he would sooner have Eleanor by far. He had begun +to consider Susan as a termagant; and when he thought of his +intercourse with her, recollections of her somewhat warm and hasty +temper came far more readily to his mind than any remembrance of her +generous, loving nature. + +And now she stood face to face with him; her eyes tear-swollen, her +garments dusty, and here and there torn in consequence of her rapid +progress through the bushy by-paths. She did not make a favourable +impression on the well-clad Mrs. Gale, dressed in her best silk gown, +and therefore unusually susceptible to the appearance of another. Nor +were Susan’s manners gracious or cordial. How could they be, when she +remembered what had passed between Michael and herself the last time +they met? For her penitence had faded away under the daily +disappointment of these last weary weeks. + +But she was hospitable in substance. She bade Peggy hurry on the +kettle, and busied herself among the tea-cups, thankful that the +presence of Mrs. Gale, as a stranger, would prevent the immediate +recurrence to the one subject which she felt must be present in +Michael’s mind as well as in her own. But Mrs. Gale was withheld by no +such feelings of delicacy. She had come ready-primed with the case, and +had undertaken to bring the girl to reason. There was no time to be +lost. It had been prearranged between the brother and sister that he +was to stroll out into the farm-yard before his sister introduced the +subject; but she was so confident in the success of her arguments, that +she must needs have the triumph of a victory as soon as possible; and, +accordingly, she brought a hail-storm of good reasons to bear upon +Susan. Susan did not reply for a long time; she was so indignant at +this intermeddling of a stranger in the deep family sorrow and shame. +Mrs. Gale thought she was gaining the day, and urged her arguments more +pitilessly. Even Michael winced for Susan, and wondered at her silence. +He shrank out of sight, and into the shadow, hoping that his sister +might prevail, but annoyed at the hard way in which she kept putting +the case. + +Suddenly Susan turned round from the occupation she had pretended to be +engaged in, and said to him in a low voice, which yet not only vibrated +itself, but made its hearers thrill through all their obtuseness: + +“Michael Hurst! does your sister speak truth, think you?” + +Both women looked at him for his answer; Mrs. Gale without anxiety, for +had she not said the very words they had spoken together before? had +she not used the very arguments that he himself had suggested? Susan, +on the contrary, looked to his answer as settling her doom for life; +and in the gloom of her eyes you might have read more despair than +hope. + +He shuffled his position. He shuffled in his words. + +“What is it you ask? My sister has said many things.” + +“I ask you,” said Susan, trying to give a crystal clearness both to her +expressions and her pronunciation, “if, knowing as you do how Will is +afflicted, you will help me to take that charge of him which I promised +my mother on her death-bed that I would do; and which means, that I +shall keep him always with me, and do all in my power to make his life +happy. If you will do this, I will be your wife; if not, I remain +unwed.” + +“But he may get dangerous; he can be but a trouble; his being here is a +pain to you, Susan, not a pleasure.” + +“I ask you for either yes or no,” said she, a little contempt at his +evading her question mingling with her tone. He perceived it, and it +nettled him. + +“And I have told you. I answered your question the last time I was +here. I said I would ne’er keep house with an idiot; no more I will. So +now you’ve gotten your answer.” + +“I have,” said Susan. And she sighed deeply. + +“Come, now,” said Mrs. Gale, encouraged by the sigh; “one would think +you don’t love Michael, Susan, to be so stubborn in yielding to what +I’m sure would be best for the lad.” + +“Oh! she does not care for me,” said Michael. “I don’t believe she ever +did.” + +“Don’t I? Haven’t I?” asked Susan, her eyes blazing out fire. She left +the room directly, and sent Peggy in to make the tea; and catching at +Will, who was lounging about in the kitchen, she went up-stairs with +him and bolted herself in, straining the boy to her heart, and keeping +almost breathless, lest any noise she made might cause him to break out +into the howls and sounds which she could not bear that those below +should hear. + +A knock at the door. It was Peggy. + +“He wants for to see you, to wish you good-bye.” + +“I cannot come. Oh, Peggy, send them away.” + +It was her only cry for sympathy; and the old servant understood it. +She sent them away, somehow; not politely, as I have been given to +understand. + +“Good go with them,” said Peggy, as she grimly watched their retreating +figures. “We’re rid of bad rubbish, anyhow.” And she turned into the +house, with the intention of making ready some refreshment for Susan, +after her hard day at the market, and her harder evening. But in the +kitchen, to which she passed through the empty house-place, making a +face of contemptuous dislike at the used tea-cups and fragments of a +meal yet standing there, she found Susan, with her sleeves tucked up +and her working apron on, busied in preparing to make clap-bread, one +of the hardest and hottest domestic tasks of a Daleswoman. She looked +up, and first met, and then avoided Peggy’s eye; it was too full of +sympathy. Her own cheeks were flushed, and her own eyes were dry and +burning. + +“Where’s the board, Peggy? We need clap-bread; and, I reckon, I’ve time +to get through with it to-night.” Her voice had a sharp, dry tone in +it, and her motions a jerking angularity about them. + +Peggy said nothing, but fetched her all that she needed. Susan beat her +cakes thin with vehement force. As she stooped over them, regardless +even of the task in which she seemed so much occupied, she was +surprised by a touch on her mouth of something—what she did not see at +first. It was a cup of tea, delicately sweetened and cooled, and held +to her lips, when exactly ready, by the faithful old woman. Susan held +it off a hand’s breath, and looked into Peggy’s eyes, while her own +filled with the strange relief of tears. + +“Lass!” said Peggy, solemnly, “thou hast done well. It is not long to +bide, and then the end will come.” + +“But you are very old, Peggy,” said Susan, quivering. + +“It is but a day sin’ I were young,” replied Peggy; but she stopped the +conversation by again pushing the cup with gentle force to Susan’s dry +and thirsty lips. When she had drunken she fell again to her labour, +Peggy heating the hearth, and doing all that she knew would be +required, but never speaking another word. Willie basked close to the +fire, enjoying the animal luxury of warmth, for the autumn evenings +were beginning to be chilly. It was one o’clock before they thought of +going to bed on that memorable night. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +The vehemence with which Susan Dixon threw herself into occupation +could not last for ever. Times of languor and remembrance would +come—times when she recurred with a passionate yearning to bygone days, +the recollection of which was so vivid and delicious, that it seemed as +though it were the reality, and the present bleak bareness the dream. +She smiled anew at the magical sweetness of some touch or tone which in +memory she felt and heard, and drank the delicious cup of poison, +although at the very time she knew what the consequences of racking +pain would be. + +“This time, last year,” thought she, “we went nutting together—this +very day last year; just such a day as to-day. Purple and gold were the +lights on the hills; the leaves were just turning brown; here and there +on the sunny slopes the stubble-fields looked tawny; down in a cleft of +yon purple slate-rock the beck fell like a silver glancing thread; all +just as it is to-day. And he climbed the slender, swaying nut-trees, +and bent the branches for me to gather; or made a passage through the +hazel copses, from time to time claiming a toll. Who could have thought +he loved me so little?—who?—who?” + +Or, as the evening closed in, she would allow herself to imagine that +she heard his coming step, just that she might recall time feeling of +exquisite delight which had passed by without the due and passionate +relish at the time. Then she would wonder how she could have had +strength, the cruel, self-piercing strength, to say what she had done; +to stab himself with that stern resolution, of which the sear would +remain till her dying day. It might have been right; but, as she +sickened, she wished she had not instinctively chosen the right. How +luxurious a life haunted by no stern sense of duty must be! And many +led this kind of life; why could not she? O, for one hour again of his +sweet company! If he came now, she would agree to whatever he proposed. + +It was a fever of the mind. She passed through it, and came out +healthy, if weak. She was capable once more of taking pleasure in +following an unseen guide through briar and brake. She returned with +tenfold affection to her protecting care of Willie. She acknowledged to +herself that he was to be her all-in-all in life. She made him her +constant companion. For his sake, as the real owner of Yew Nook, and +she as his steward and guardian, she began that course of careful +saving, and that love of acquisition, which afterwards gained for her +the reputation of being miserly. She still thought that he might regain +a scanty portion of sense—enough to require some simple pleasures and +excitement, which would cost money. And money should not be wanting. +Peggy rather assisted her in the formation of her parsimonious habits +than otherwise; economy was the order of the district, and a certain +degree of respectable avarice the characteristic of her age. Only +Willie was never stinted nor hindered of anything that the two women +thought could give him pleasure, for want of money. + +There was one gratification which Susan felt was needed for the +restoration of her mind to its more healthy state, after she had passed +through the whirling fever, when duty was as nothing, and anarchy +reigned; a gratification that, somehow, was to be her last burst of +unreasonableness; of which she knew and recognised pain as the sure +consequence. She must see him once more,—herself unseen. + +The week before the Christmas of this memorable year, she went out in +the dusk of the early winter evening, wrapped close in shawl and cloak. +She wore her dark shawl under her cloak, putting it over her head in +lieu of a bonnet; for she knew that she might have to wait long in +concealment. Then she tramped over the wet fell-path, shut in by misty +rain for miles and miles, till she came to the place where he was +lodging; a farm-house in Langdale, with a steep, stony lane leading up +to it: this lane was entered by a gate out of the main road, and by the +gate were a few bushes—thorns; but of them the leaves had fallen, and +they offered no concealment: an old wreck of a yew-tree grew among +them, however, and underneath that Susan cowered down, shrouding her +face, of which the colour might betray her, with a corner of her shawl. +Long did she wait; cold and cramped she became, too damp and stiff to +change her posture readily. And after all, he might never come! But, +she would wait till daylight, if need were; and she pulled out a crust, +with which she had providently supplied herself. The rain had ceased,—a +dull, still, brooding weather had succeeded; it was a night to hear +distant sounds. She heard horses’ hoofs striking and splashing in the +stones, and in the pools of the road at her back. Two horses; not +well-ridden, or evenly guided, as she could tell. + +Michael Hurst and a companion drew near: not tipsy, but not sober. They +stopped at the gate to bid each other a maudlin farewell. Michael +stooped forward to catch the latch with the hook of the stick which he +carried; he dropped the stick, and it fell with one end close to +Susan,—indeed, with the slightest change of posture she could have +opened the gate for him. He swore a great oath, and struck his horse +with his closed fist, as if that animal had been to blame; then he +dismounted, opened the gate, and fumbled about for his stick. When he +had found it (Susan had touched the other end) his first use of it was +to flog his horse well, and she had much ado to avoid its kicks and +plunges. Then, still swearing, he staggered up the lane, for it was +evident he was not sober enough to remount. + +By daylight Susan was back and at her daily labours at Yew Nook. When +the spring came, Michael Hurst was married to Eleanor Hebthwaite. +Others, too, were married, and christenings made their firesides merry +and glad; or they travelled, and came back after long years with many +wondrous tales. More rarely, perhaps, a Dalesman changed his dwelling. +But to all households more change came than to Yew Nook. There the +seasons came round with monotonous sameness; or, if they brought +mutation, it was of a slow, and decaying, and depressing kind. Old +Peggy died. Her silent sympathy, concealed under much roughness, was a +loss to Susan Dixon. Susan was not yet thirty when this happened, but +she looked a middle-aged, not to say an elderly woman. People affirmed +that she had never recovered her complexion since that fever, a dozen +years ago, which killed her father, and left Will Dixon an idiot. But +besides her gray sallowness, the lines in her face were strong, and +deep, and hard. The movements of her eyeballs were slow and heavy; the +wrinkles at the corners of her mouth and eyes were planted firm and +sure; not an ounce of unnecessary flesh was there on her bones—every +muscle started strong and ready for use. She needed all this bodily +strength, to a degree that no human creature, now Peggy was dead, knew +of: for Willie had grown up large and strong in body, and, in general, +docile enough in mind; but, every now and then, he became first moody, +and then violent. These paroxysms lasted but a day or two; and it was +Susan’s anxious care to keep their very existence hidden and unknown. +It is true, that occasional passers-by on that lonely road heard sounds +at night of knocking about of furniture, blows, and cries, as of some +tearing demon within the solitary farm-house; but these fits of +violence usually occurred in the night; and whatever had been their +consequence, Susan had tidied and redded up all signs of aught unusual +before the morning. For, above all, she dreaded lest some one might +find out in what danger and peril she occasionally was, and might +assume a right to take away her brother from her care. The one idea of +taking charge of him had deepened and deepened with years. It was +graven into her mind as the object for which she lived. The sacrifice +she had made for this object only made it more precious to her. +Besides, she separated the idea of the docile, affectionate, loutish, +indolent Will, and kept it distinct from the terror which the demon +that occasionally possessed him inspired her with. The one was her +flesh and her blood—the child of her dead mother; the other was some +fiend who came to torture and convulse the creature she so loved. She +believed that she fought her brother’s battle in holding down those +tearing hands, in binding whenever she could those uplifted restless +arms prompt and prone to do mischief. All the time she subdued him with +her cunning or her strength, she spoke to him in pitying murmurs, or +abused the third person, the fiendish enemy, in no unmeasured tones. +Towards morning the paroxysm was exhausted, and he would fall asleep, +perhaps only to waken with evil and renewed vigour. But when he was +laid down, she would sally out to taste the fresh air, and to work off +her wild sorrow in cries and mutterings to herself. The early labourers +saw her gestures at a distance, and thought her as crazed as the +idiot-brother who made the neighbourhood a haunted place. But did any +chance person call at Yew Nook later on in the day, he would find Susan +Dixon cold, calm, collected; her manner curt, her wits keen. + +Once this fit of violence lasted longer than usual. Susan’s strength +both of mind and body was nearly worn out; she wrestled in prayer that +somehow it might end before she, too, was driven mad; or, worse, might +be obliged to give up life’s aim, and consign Willie to a madhouse. +From that moment of prayer (as she afterwards superstitiously thought) +Willie calmed—and then he drooped—and then he sank—and, last of all, he +died in reality from physical exhaustion. + +But he was so gentle and tender as he lay on his dying bed; such +strange, child-like gleams of returning intelligence came over his +face, long after the power to make his dull, inarticulate sounds had +departed, that Susan was attracted to him by a stronger tie than she +had ever felt before. It was something to have even an idiot loving her +with dumb, wistful, animal affection; something to have any creature +looking at her with such beseeching eyes, imploring protection from the +insidious enemy stealing on. And yet she knew that to him death was no +enemy, but a true friend, restoring light and health to his poor +clouded mind. It was to her that death was an enemy; to her, the +survivor, when Willie died; there was no one to love her. + +Worse doom still, there was no one left on earth for her to love. + +You now know why no wandering tourist could persuade her to receive him +as a lodger; why no tired traveller could melt her heart to afford him +rest and refreshment; why long habits of seclusion had given her a +moroseness of manner, and how care for the interests of another had +rendered her keen and miserly. + +But there was a third act in the drama of her life. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +In spite of Peggy’s prophecy that Susan’s life should not seem long, it +did seem wearisome and endless, as the years slowly uncoiled their +monotonous circles. To be sure, she might have made change for herself, +but she did not care to do it. It was, indeed, more than “not caring,” +which merely implies a certain degree of _vis inertiæ_ to be subdued +before an object can be attained, and that the object itself does not +seem to be of sufficient importance to call out the requisite energy. +On the contrary, Susan exerted herself to avoid change and variety. She +had a morbid dread of new faces, which originated in her desire to keep +poor dead Willie’s state a profound secret. She had a contempt for new +customs; and, indeed, her old ways prospered so well under her active +hand and vigilant eye, that it was difficult to know how they could be +improved upon. She was regularly present in Coniston market with the +best butter and the earliest chickens of the season. Those were the +common farm produce that every farmer’s wife about had to sell; but +Susan, after she had disposed of the more feminine articles, turned to +on the man’s side. A better judge of a horse or cow there was not in +all the country round. Yorkshire itself might have attempted to jockey +her, and would have failed. Her corn was sound and clean; her potatoes +well preserved to the latest spring. People began to talk of the hoards +of money Susan Dixon must have laid up somewhere; and one young +ne’er-do-weel of a farmer’s son undertook to make love to the woman of +forty, who looked fifty-five, if a day. He made up to her by opening a +gate on the road-path home, as she was riding on a bare-backed horse, +her purchase not an hour ago. She was off before him, refusing his +civility; but the remounting was not so easy, and rather than fail she +did not choose to attempt it. She walked, and he walked alongside, +improving his opportunity, which, as he vainly thought, had been +consciously granted to him. As they drew near Yew Nook, he ventured on +some expression of a wish to keep company with her. His words were +vague and clumsily arranged. Susan turned round and coolly asked him to +explain himself, he took courage, as he thought of her reputed wealth, +and expressed his wishes this second time pretty plainly. To his +surprise, the reply she made was in a series of smart strokes across +his shoulders, administered through the medium of a supple +hazel-switch. + +“Take that!” said she, almost breathless, “to teach thee how thou +darest make a fool of an honest woman old enough to be thy mother. If +thou com’st a step nearer the house, there’s a good horse-pool, and +there’s two stout fellows who’ll like no better fun than ducking thee. +Be off wi’ thee!” + +And she strode into her own premises, never looking round to see +whether he obeyed her injunction or not. + +Sometimes three or four years would pass over without her hearing +Michael Hurst’s name mentioned. She used to wonder at such times +whether he were dead or alive. She would sit for hours by the dying +embers of her fire on a winter’s evening, trying to recall the scenes +of her youth; trying to bring up living pictures of the faces she had +then known—Michael’s most especially. She thought it was possible, so +long had been the lapse of years, that she might now pass by him in the +street unknowing and unknown. His outward form she might not recognize, +but himself she should feel in the thrill of her whole being. He could +not pass her unawares. + +What little she did hear about him, all testified a downward tendency. +He drank—not at stated times when there was no other work to be done, +but continually, whether it was seed-time or harvest. His children were +all ill at the same time; then one died, while the others recovered, +but were poor sickly things. No one dared to give Susan any direct +intelligence of her former lover; many avoided all mention of his name +in her presence; but a few spoke out either in indifference to, or +ignorance of, those bygone days. Susan heard every word, every whisper, +every sound that related to him. But her eye never changed, nor did a +muscle of her face move. + +Late one November night she sat over her fire; not a human being +besides herself in the house; none but she had ever slept there since +Willie’s death. The farm-labourers had foddered the cattle and gone +home hours before. There were crickets chirping all round the warm +hearth-stones; there was the clock ticking with the peculiar beat Susan +had known from her childhood, and which then and ever since she had +oddly associated within the idea of a mother and child talking +together, one loud tick, and quick—a feeble, sharp one following. + +The day had been keen, and piercingly cold. The whole lift of heaven +seemed a dome of iron. Black and frost-bound was the earth under the +cruel east wind. Now the wind had dropped, and as the darkness had +gathered in, the weather-wise old labourers prophesied snow. The sounds +in the air arose again, as Susan sat still and silent. They were of a +different character to what they had been during the prevalence of the +east wind. Then they had been shrill and piping; now they were like low +distant growling; not unmusical, but strangely threatening. Susan went +to the window, and drew aside the little curtain. The whole world was +white—the air was blinded with the swift and heavy fall of snow. At +present it came down straight, but Susan knew those distant sounds in +the hollows and gulleys of the hills portended a driving wind and a +more cruel storm. She thought of her sheep; were they all folded? the +new-born calf, was it bedded well? Before the drifts were formed too +deep for her to pass in and out—and by the morning she judged that they +would be six or seven feet deep—she would go out and see after the +comfort of her beasts. She took a lantern, and tied a shawl over her +head, and went out into the open air. She had tenderly provided for all +her animals, and was returning, when, borne on the blast as if some +spirit-cry—for it seemed to come rather down from the skies than from +any creature standing on earth’s level—she heard a voice of agony; she +could not distinguish words; it seemed rather as if some bird of prey +was being caught in the whirl of the icy wind, and torn and tortured by +its violence. Again up high above! Susan put down her lantern, and +shouted loud in return; it was an instinct, for if the creature were +not human, which she had doubted but a moment before, what good could +her responding cry do? And her cry was seized on by the tyrannous wind, +and borne farther away in the opposite direction to that from which the +call of agony had proceeded. Again she listened; no sound: then again +it rang through space; and this time she was sure it was human. She +turned into the house, and heaped turf and wood on the fire, which, +careless of her own sensations, she had allowed to fade and almost die +out. She put a new candle in her lantern; she changed her shawl for a +maud, and leaving the door on latch, she sallied out. Just at the +moment when her ear first encountered the weird noises of the storm, on +issuing forth into the open air, she thought she heard the words, “O +God! O help!” They were a guide to her, if words they were, for they +came straight from a rock not a quarter of a mile from Yew Nook, but +only to be reached, on account of its precipitous character, by a +round-about path. Thither she steered, defying wind and snow; guided by +here a thorn-tree, there an old, doddered oak, which had not quite lest +their identity under the whelming mask of snow. Now and then she +stopped to listen; but never a word or sound heard she, till right from +where the copse-wood grew thick and tangled at the base of the rock, +round which she was winding, she heard a moan. Into the brake—all snow +in appearance—almost a plain of snow looked on from the little eminence +where she stood—she plunged, breaking down the bush, stumbling, +bruising herself, fighting her way; her lantern held between her teeth, +and she herself using head as well as hands to butt away a passage, at +whatever cost of bodily injury. As she climbed or staggered, owing to +the unevenness of the snow-covered ground, where the briars and weeds +of years were tangled and matted together, her foot felt something +strangely soft and yielding. She lowered her lantern; there lay a man, +prone on his face, nearly covered by the fast-falling flakes; he must +have fallen from the rock above, as, not knowing of the circuitous +path, he had tried to descend its steep, slippery face. Who could tell? +it was no time for thinking. Susan lifted him up with her wiry +strength; he gave no help—no sign of life; but for all that he might be +alive: he was still warm; she tied her maud round him; she fastened the +lantern to her apron-string; she held him tight: half-carrying, +half-dragging—what did a few bruises signify to him, compared to dear +life, to precious life! She got him through the brake, and down the +path. There, for an instant, she stopped to take breath; but, as if +stung by the Furies, she pushed on again with almost superhuman +strength. Clasping him round the waist, and leaning his dead weight +against the lintel of the door, she tried to undo the latch; but now, +just at this moment, a trembling faintness came over her, and a fearful +dread took possession of her—that here, on the very threshold of her +home, she might be found dead, and buried under the snow, when the +farm-servants came in the morning. This terror stirred her up to one +more effort. Then she and her companion were in the warmth of the quiet +haven of that kitchen; she laid him on the settle, and sank on the +floor by his side. How long she remained in this swoon she could not +tell; not very long she judged by the fire, which was still red and +sullenly glowing when she came to herself. She lighted the candle, and +bent over her late burden to ascertain if indeed he were dead. She +stood long gazing. The man lay dead. There could be no doubt about it. +His filmy eyes glared at her, unshut. But Susan was not one to be +affrighted by the stony aspect of death. It was not that; it was the +bitter, woeful recognition of Michael Hurst! + +She was convinced he was dead; but after a while she refused to believe +in her conviction. She stripped off his wet outer-garments with +trembling, hurried hands. She brought a blanket down from her own bed; +she made up the fire. She swathed him in fresh, warm wrappings, and +laid him on the flags before the fire, sitting herself at his head, and +holding it in her lap, while she tenderly wiped his loose, wet hair, +curly still, although its colour had changed from nut-brown to +iron-gray since she had seen it last. From time to time she bent over +the face afresh, sick, and fain to believe that the flicker of the +fire-light was some slight convulsive motion. But the dim, staring eyes +struck chill to her heart. At last she ceased her delicate, busy cares: +but she still held the head softly, as if caressing it. She thought +over all the possibilities and chances in the mingled yarn of their +lives that might, by so slight a turn, have ended far otherwise. If her +mother’s cold had been early tended, so that the responsibility as to +her brother’s weal or woe had not fallen upon her; if the fever had not +taken such rough, cruel hold on Will; nay, if Mrs. Gale, that hard, +worldly sister, had not accompanied him on his last visit to Yew +Nook—his very last before this fatal, stormy might; if she had heard +his cry,—cry uttered by these pale, dead lips with such wild, +despairing agony, not yet three hours ago!—O! if she had but heard it +sooner, he might have been saved before that blind, false step had +precipitated him down the rock! In going over this weary chain of +unrealized possibilities, Susan learnt the force of Peggy’s words. Life +was short, looking back upon it. It seemed but yesterday since all the +love of her being had been poured out, and run to waste. The +intervening years—the long monotonous years that had turned her into an +old woman before her time—were but a dream. + +The labourers coming in the dawn of the winter’s day were surprised to +see the fire-light through the low kitchen-window. They knocked, and +hearing a moaning answer, they entered, fearing that something had +befallen their mistress. For all explanation they got these words + +“It is Michael Hurst. He was belated, and fell down the Raven’s Crag. +Where does Eleanor, his wife, live?” + +How Michael Hurst got to Yew Nook no one but Susan ever knew. They +thought he had dragged himself there, with some sore internal bruise +sapping away his minuted life. They could not have believed the +superhuman exertion which had first sought him out, and then dragged +him hither. Only Susan knew of that. + +She gave him into the charge of her servants, and went out and saddled +her horse. Where the wind had drifted the snow on one side, and the +road was clear and bare, she rode, and rode fast; where the soft, +deceitful heaps were massed up, she dismounted and led her steed, +plunging in deep, with fierce energy, the pain at her heart urging her +onwards with a sharp, digging spur. + +The gray, solemn, winter’s noon was more night-like than the depth of +summer’s night; dim-purple brooded the low skies over the white earth, +as Susan rode up to what had been Michael Hurst’s abode while living. +It was a small farm-house carelessly kept outside, slatternly tended +within. The pretty Nelly Hebthwaite was pretty still; her delicate face +had never suffered from any long-enduring feeling. If anything, its +expression was that of plaintive sorrow; but the soft, light hair had +scarcely a tinge of gray; the wood-rose tint of complexion yet +remained, if not so brilliant as in youth; the straight nose, the small +mouth were untouched by time. Susan felt the contrast even at that +moment. She knew that her own skin was weather-beaten, furrowed, +brown,—that her teeth were gone, and her hair gray and ragged. And yet +she was not two years older than Nelly,—she had not been, in youth, +when she took account of these things. Nelly stood wondering at the +strange-enough horse-woman, who stopped and panted at the door, holding +her horse’s bridle, and refusing to enter. + +“Where is Michael Hurst?” asked Susan, at last. + +“Well, I can’t rightly say. He should have been at home last night, but +he was off, seeing after a public-house to be let at Ulverstone, for +our farm does not answer, and we were thinking—” + +“He did not come home last night?” said Susan, cutting short the story, +and half-affirming, half-questioning, by way of letting in a ray of the +awful light before she let it full in, in its consuming wrath. + +“No! he’ll be stopping somewhere out Ulverstone ways. I’m sure we’ve +need of him at home, for I’ve no one but lile Tommy to help me tend the +beasts. Things have not gone well with us, and we don’t keep a servant +now. But you’re trembling all over, ma’am. You’d better come in, and +take something warm, while your horse rests. That’s the stable-door, to +your left.” + +Susan took her horse there; loosened his girths, and rubbed him down +with a wisp of straw. Then she hooked about her for hay; but the place +was bare of feed, and smelt damp and unused. She went to the house, +thankful for the respite, and got some clap-bread, which she mashed up +in a pailful of lukewarm water. Every moment was a respite, and yet +every moment made her dread the more the task that lay before her. It +would be longer than she thought at first. She took the saddle off, and +hung about her horse, which seemed, somehow, more like a friend than +anything else in the world. She laid her cheek against its neck, and +rested there, before returning to the house for the last time. + +Eleanor had brought down one of her own gowns, which hung on a chair +against the fire, and had made her unknown visitor a cup of hot tea. +Susan could hardly bear all these little attentions: they choked her, +and yet she was so wet, so weak with fatigue and excitement, that she +could neither resist by voice or by action. Two children stood +awkwardly about, puzzled at the scene, and even Eleanor began to wish +for some explanation of who her strange visitor was. + +“You’ve, maybe, heard him speaking of me? I’m called Susan Dixon.” + +Nelly coloured, and avoided meeting Susan’s eye. + +“I’ve heard other folk speak of you. He never named your name.” + +This respect of silence came like balm to Susan: balm not felt or +heeded at the time it was applied, but very grateful in its effects for +all that. + +“He is at my house,” continued Susan, determined not to stop or quaver +in the operation—the pain which must be inflicted. + +“At your house? Yew Nook?” questioned Eleanor, surprised. “How came he +there?”—half jealously. “Did he take shelter from the coming storm? +Tell me,—there is something—tell me, woman!” + +“He took no shelter. Would to God he had!” + +“O! would to God! would to God!” shrieked out Eleanor, learning all +from the woful import of those dreary eyes. Her cries thrilled through +the house; the children’s piping wailings and passionate cries on +“Daddy! Daddy!” pierced into Susan’s very marrow. But she remained as +still and tearless as the great round face upon the clock. + +At last, in a lull of crying, she said,—not exactly questioning, but as +if partly to herself— + +“You loved him, then?” + +“Loved him! he was my husband! He was the father of three bonny bairns +that lie dead in Grasmere churchyard. I wish you’d go, Susan Dixon, and +let me weep without your watching me! I wish you’d never come near the +place.” + +“Alas! alas! it would not have brought him to life. I would have laid +down my own to save his. My life has been so very sad! No one would +have cared if I had died. Alas! alas!” + +The tone in which she said this was so utterly mournful and despairing +that it awed Nelly into quiet for a time. But by-and-by she said, “I +would not turn a dog out to do it harm; but the night is clear, and +Tommy shall guide you to the Red Cow. But, oh, I want to be alone! If +you’ll come back to-morrow, I’ll be better, and I’ll hear all, and +thank you for every kindness you have shown him,—and I do believe +you’ve showed him kindness,—though I don’t know why.” + +Susan moved heavily and strangely. + +She said something—her words came thick and unintelligible. She had had +a paralytic stroke since she had last spoken. She could not go, even if +she would. Nor did Eleanor, when she became aware of the state of the +case, wish her to leave. She had her laid on her own bed, and weeping +silently all the while for her last husband, she nursed Susan like a +sister. She did not know what her guest’s worldly position might be; +and she might never be repaid. But she sold many a little trifle to +purchase such small comforts as Susan needed. Susan, lying still and +motionless, learnt much. It was not a severe stroke; it might be the +forerunner of others yet to come, but at some distance of time. But for +the present she recovered, and regained much of her former health. On +her sick-bed she matured her plans. When she returned to Yew Nook, she +took Michael Hurst’s widow and children with her to live there, and +fill up the haunted hearth with living forms that should banish the +ghosts. + +And so it fell out that the latter days of Susan Dixon’s life were +better than the former. + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HALF A LIFE-TIME AGO *** + +***** This file should be named 2547-0.txt or 2547-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/5/4/2547/ + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the +United States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part +of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, +and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following +the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use +of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for +copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very +easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation +of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project +Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away--you may +do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected +by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark +license, especially commercial redistribution. + +START: FULL LICENSE + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full +Project Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at +www.gutenberg.org/license. + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or +destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your +possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a +Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound +by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the +person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph +1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this +agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the +Foundation" or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection +of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual +works in the collection are in the public domain in the United +States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the +United States and you are located in the United States, we do not +claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, +displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as +all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope +that you will support the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting +free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm +works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the +Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with the work. You can easily +comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the +same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg-tm License when +you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are +in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, +check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this +agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, +distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any +other Project Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no +representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any +country other than the United States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other +immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear +prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work +on which the phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, +performed, viewed, copied or distributed: + + This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and + most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no + restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it + under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this + eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the + United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where + you are located before using this eBook. + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is +derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not +contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the +copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in +the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are +redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply +either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or +obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg-tm +trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any +additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms +will be linked to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works +posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the +beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including +any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access +to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format +other than "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official +version posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm website +(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense +to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means +of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original "Plain +Vanilla ASCII" or other form. Any alternate format must include the +full Project Gutenberg-tm License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +provided that: + +* You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed + to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he has + agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project + Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid + within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are + legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty + payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project + Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in + Section 4, "Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg + Literary Archive Foundation." + +* You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all + copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue + all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg-tm + works. + +* You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of + any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of + receipt of the work. + +* You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work or group of works on different terms than +are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing +from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of +the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the Foundation as set +forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project +Gutenberg-tm collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may +contain "Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate +or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or +other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or +cannot be read by your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium +with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you +with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in +lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person +or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second +opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If +the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing +without further opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO +OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of +damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement +violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the +agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or +limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or +unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the +remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in +accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the +production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, +including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of +the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this +or any Project Gutenberg-tm work, (b) alteration, modification, or +additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any +Defect you cause. + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of +computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It +exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations +from people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future +generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see +Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at +www.gutenberg.org + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by +U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, +Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up +to date contact information can be found at the Foundation's website +and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without +widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND +DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular +state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To +donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project +Gutenberg-tm concept of a library of electronic works that could be +freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and +distributed Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of +volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in +the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not +necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper +edition. + +Most people start at our website which has the main PG search +facility: www.gutenberg.org + +This website includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + + diff --git a/2547-0.zip b/2547-0.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d08c3d9 --- /dev/null +++ b/2547-0.zip diff --git a/2547-h.zip b/2547-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..59641d8 --- /dev/null +++ b/2547-h.zip diff --git a/2547-h/2547-h.htm b/2547-h/2547-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9e26d1c --- /dev/null +++ b/2547-h/2547-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2618 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" +"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" /> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Half a Life-time Ago, by Elizabeth Gaskell</title> + +<style type="text/css"> + +body { margin-left: 20%; + margin-right: 20%; + text-align: justify; } + +h1, h2, h3, h4, h5 {text-align: center; font-style: normal; font-weight: +normal; line-height: 1.5; margin-top: .5em; margin-bottom: .5em;} + +h1 {font-size: 300%; + margin-top: 0.6em; + margin-bottom: 0.6em; + letter-spacing: 0.12em; + word-spacing: 0.2em; + text-indent: 0em;} +h2 {font-size: 150%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 1em;} +h3 {font-size: 130%; margin-top: 1em;} +h4 {font-size: 120%;} +h5 {font-size: 110%;} + +.no-break {page-break-before: avoid;} /* for epubs */ + +div.chapter {page-break-before: always; margin-top: 4em;} + +hr {width: 80%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 2em;} + +p {text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: 0.25em; + margin-bottom: 0.25em; } + +a:link {color:blue; text-decoration:none} +a:visited {color:blue; text-decoration:none} +a:hover {color:red} + +</style> + +</head> + +<body> + +<div style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold;'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Half a Life-time Ago, by Elizabeth Gaskell</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and +most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online +at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you +are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the +country where you are located before using this eBook. +</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Half a Life-time Ago</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Elizabeth Gaskell</div> +<div style='display:block;margin:1em 0'>Release Date: April 21, 2000 [eBook #2547]<br /> +[Most recently updated: April 20, 2021]</div> +<div style='display:block;margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div> +<div style='display:block;margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: David Price</div> +<div style='margin-top:2em;margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HALF A LIFE-TIME AGO ***</div> + +<h1>Half a Life-time Ago</h1> + +<h2 class="no-break">by Elizabeth Gaskell</h2> + +<hr /> + +<h2>Contents</h2> + +<table summary="" style=""> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#chap01">CHAPTER I.</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#chap02">CHAPTER II.</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#chap03">CHAPTER III.</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#chap04">CHAPTER IV.</a></td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td> <a href="#chap05">CHAPTER V.</a></td> +</tr> + +</table> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="chap01"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> + +<p> +Half a life-time ago, there lived in one of the Westmoreland dales a single +woman, of the name of Susan Dixon. She was owner of the small farm-house where +she resided, and of some thirty or forty acres of land by which it was +surrounded. She had also an hereditary right to a sheep-walk, extending to the +wild fells that overhang Blea Tarn. In the language of the country she was a +Stateswoman. Her house is yet to be seen on the Oxenfell road, between Skelwith +and Coniston. You go along a moorland track, made by the carts that +occasionally came for turf from the Oxenfell. A brook babbles and brattles by +the wayside, giving you a sense of companionship, which relieves the deep +solitude in which this way is usually traversed. Some miles on this side of +Coniston there is a farmstead—a gray stone house, and a square of +farm-buildings surrounding a green space of rough turf, in the midst of which +stands a mighty, funereal umbrageous yew, making a solemn shadow, as of death, +in the very heart and centre of the light and heat of the brightest summer day. +On the side away from the house, this yard slopes down to a dark-brown pool, +which is supplied with fresh water from the overflowings of a stone cistern, +into which some rivulet of the brook before-mentioned continually and +melodiously falls bubbling. The cattle drink out of this cistern. The household +bring their pitchers and fill them with drinking-water by a dilatory, yet +pretty, process. The water-carrier brings with her a leaf of the +hound’s-tongue fern, and, inserting it in the crevice of the gray rock, +makes a cool, green spout for the sparkling stream. +</p> + +<p> +The house is no specimen, at the present day, of what it was in the lifetime of +Susan Dixon. Then, every small diamond pane in the windows glittered with +cleanliness. You might have eaten off the floor; you could see yourself in the +pewter plates and the polished oaken awmry, or dresser, of the state kitchen +into which you entered. Few strangers penetrated further than this room. Once +or twice, wandering tourists, attracted by the lonely picturesqueness of the +situation, and the exquisite cleanliness of the house itself, made their way +into this house-place, and offered money enough (as they thought) to tempt the +hostess to receive them as lodgers. They would give no trouble, they said; they +would be out rambling or sketching all day long; would be perfectly content +with a share of the food which she provided for herself; or would procure what +they required from the Waterhead Inn at Coniston. But no liberal sum—no +fair words—moved her from her stony manner, or her monotonous tone of +indifferent refusal. No persuasion could induce her to show any more of the +house than that first room; no appearance of fatigue procured for the weary an +invitation to sit down and rest; and if one more bold and less delicate did so +without being asked, Susan stood by, cold and apparently deaf, or only replying +by the briefest monosyllables, till the unwelcome visitor had departed. Yet +those with whom she had dealings, in the way of selling her cattle or her farm +produce, spoke of her as keen after a bargain—a hard one to have to do +with; and she never spared herself exertion or fatigue, at market or in the +field, to make the most of her produce. She led the hay-makers with her swift, +steady rake, and her noiseless evenness of motion. She was about among the +earliest in the market, examining samples of oats, pricing them, and then +turning with grim satisfaction to her own cleaner corn. +</p> + +<p> +She was served faithfully and long by those who were rather her +fellow-labourers than her servants. She was even and just in her dealings with +them. If she was peculiar and silent, they knew her, and knew that she might be +relied on. Some of them had known her from her childhood; and deep in their +hearts was an unspoken—almost unconscious—pity for her, for they +knew her story, though they never spoke of it. +</p> + +<p> +Yes; the time had been when that tall, gaunt, hard-featured, angular +woman—who never smiled, and hardly ever spoke an unnecessary +word—had been a fine-looking girl, bright-spirited and rosy; and when the +hearth at the Yew Nook had been as bright as she, with family love and youthful +hope and mirth. Fifty or fifty-one years ago, William Dixon and his wife +Margaret were alive; and Susan, their daughter, was about eighteen years +old—ten years older than the only other child, a boy named after his +father. William and Margaret Dixon were rather superior people, of a character +belonging—as far as I have seen—exclusively to the class of +Westmoreland and Cumberland statesmen—just, independent, upright; not +given to much speaking; kind-hearted, but not demonstrative; disliking change, +and new ways, and new people; sensible and shrewd; each household +self-contained, and its members having little curiosity as to their neighbours, +with whom they rarely met for any social intercourse, save at the stated times +of sheep-shearing and Christmas; having a certain kind of sober pleasure in +amassing money, which occasionally made them miserable (as they call miserly +people up in the north) in their old age; reading no light or ephemeral +literature, but the grave, solid books brought round by the pedlars (such as +the “Paradise Lost” and “Regained,’” “The +Death of Abel,” “The Spiritual Quixote,” and “The +Pilgrim’s Progress”), were to be found in nearly every house: the +men occasionally going off laking, <i>i.e.</i> playing, <i>i.e.</i> drinking +for days together, and having to be hunted up by anxious wives, who dared not +leave their husbands to the chances of the wild precipitous roads, but walked +miles and miles, lantern in hand, in the dead of night, to discover and guide +the solemnly-drunken husband home; who had a dreadful headache the next day, +and the day after that came forth as grave, and sober, and virtuous looking as +if there were no such thing as malt and spirituous liquors in the world; and +who were seldom reminded of their misdoings by their wives, to whom such +occasional outbreaks were as things of course, when once the immediate anxiety +produced by them was over. Such were—such are—the characteristics +of a class now passing away from the face of the land, as their compeers, the +yeomen, have done before them. Of such was William Dixon. He was a shrewd +clever farmer, in his day and generation, when shrewdness was rather shown in +the breeding and rearing of sheep and cattle than in the cultivation of land. +Owing to this character of his, statesmen from a distance from beyond Kendal, +or from Borrowdale, of greater wealth than he, would send their sons to be +farm-servants for a year or two with him, in order to learn some of his methods +before setting up on land of their own. When Susan, his daughter, was about +seventeen, one Michael Hurst was farm-servant at Yew Nook. He worked with the +master, and lived with the family, and was in all respects treated as an equal, +except in the field. His father was a wealthy statesman at Wythburne, up beyond +Grasmere; and through Michael’s servitude the families had become +acquainted, and the Dixons went over to the High Beck sheep-shearing, and the +Hursts came down by Red Bank and Loughrig Tarn and across the Oxenfell when +there was the Christmas-tide feasting at Yew Nook. The fathers strolled round +the fields together, examined cattle and sheep, and looked knowing over each +other’s horses. The mothers inspected the dairies and household +arrangements, each openly admiring the plans of the other, but secretly +preferring their own. Both fathers and mothers cast a glance from time to time +at Michael and Susan, who were thinking of nothing less than farm or dairy, but +whose unspoken attachment was, in all ways, so suitable and natural a thing +that each parent rejoiced over it, although with characteristic reserve it was +never spoken about—not even between husband and wife. +</p> + +<p> +Susan had been a strong, independent, healthy girl; a clever help to her +mother, and a spirited companion to her father; more of a man in her (as he +often said) than her delicate little brother ever would have. He was his +mother’s darling, although she loved Susan well. There was no positive +engagement between Michael and Susan—I doubt whether even plain words of +love had been spoken; when one winter-time Margaret Dixon was seized with +inflammation consequent upon a neglected cold. She had always been strong and +notable, and had been too busy to attend to the early symptoms of illness. It +would go off, she said to the woman who helped in the kitchen; or if she did +not feel better when they had got the hams and bacon out of hand, she would +take some herb-tea and nurse up a bit. But Death could not wait till the hams +and bacon were cured: he came on with rapid strides, and shooting arrows of +portentous agony. Susan had never seen illness—never knew how much she +loved her mother till now, when she felt a dreadful, instinctive certainty that +she was losing her. Her mind was thronged with recollections of the many times +she had slighted her mother’s wishes; her heart was full of the echoes of +careless and angry replies that she had spoken. What would she not now give to +have opportunities of service and obedience, and trials of her patience and +love, for that dear mother who lay gasping in torture! And yet Susan had been a +good girl and an affectionate daughter. +</p> + +<p> +The sharp pain went off, and delicious ease came on; yet still her mother sunk. +In the midst of this languid peace she was dying. She motioned Susan to her +bedside, for she could only whisper; and then, while the father was out of the +room, she spoke as much to the eager, hungering eyes of her daughter by the +motion of her lips, as by the slow, feeble sounds of her voice. +</p> + +<p> +“Susan, lass, thou must not fret. It is God’s will, and thou wilt +have a deal to do. Keep father straight if thou canst; and if he goes out +Ulverstone ways, see that thou meet him before he gets to the Old Quarry. +It’s a dree bit for a man who has had a drop. As for lile +Will”—Here the poor woman’s face began to work and her +fingers to move nervously as they lay on the bed-quilt—“lile Will +will miss me most of all. Father’s often vexed with him because +he’s not a quick strong lad; he is not, my poor lile chap. And father +thinks he’s saucy, because he cannot always stomach oat-cake and +porridge. There’s better than three pound in th’ old black tea-pot +on the top shelf of the cupboard. Just keep a piece of loaf-bread by you, Susan +dear, for Will to come to when he’s not taken his breakfast. I have, may +be, spoilt him; but there’ll be no one to spoil him now.” +</p> + +<p> +She began to cry a low, feeble cry, and covered up her face that Susan might +not see her. That dear face! those precious moments while yet the eyes could +look out with love and intelligence. Susan laid her head down close by her +mother’s ear. +</p> + +<p> +“Mother I’ll take tent of Will. Mother, do you hear? He shall not +want ought I can give or get for him, least of all the kind words which you had +ever ready for us both. Bless you! bless you! my own mother.” +</p> + +<p> +“Thou’lt promise me that, Susan, wilt thou? I can die easy if +thou’lt take charge of him. But he’s hardly like other folk; he +tries father at times, though I think father’ll be tender of him when +I’m gone, for my sake. And, Susan, there’s one thing more. I never +spoke on it for fear of the bairn being called a tell-tale, but I just +comforted him up. He vexes Michael at times, and Michael has struck him before +now. I did not want to make a stir; but he’s not strong, and a word from +thee, Susan, will go a long way with Michael.” +</p> + +<p> +Susan was as red now as she had been pale before; it was the first time that +her influence over Michael had been openly acknowledged by a third person, and +a flash of joy came athwart the solemn sadness of the moment. Her mother had +spoken too much, and now came on the miserable faintness. She never spoke again +coherently; but when her children and her husband stood by her bedside, she +took lile Will’s hand and put it into Susan’s, and looked at her +with imploring eyes. Susan clasped her arms round Will, and leaned her head +upon his little curly one, and vowed within herself to be as a mother to him. +</p> + +<p> +Henceforward she was all in all to her brother. She was a more spirited and +amusing companion to him than his mother had been, from her greater activity, +and perhaps, also, from her originality of character, which often prompted her +to perform her habitual actions in some new and racy manner. She was tender to +lile Will when she was prompt and sharp with everybody else—with Michael +most of all; for somehow the girl felt that, unprotected by her mother, she +must keep up her own dignity, and not allow her lover to see how strong a hold +he had upon her heart. He called her hard and cruel, and left her so; and she +smiled softly to herself, when his back was turned, to think how little he +guessed how deeply he was loved. For Susan was merely comely and fine looking; +Michael was strikingly handsome, admired by all the girls for miles round, and +quite enough of a country coxcomb to know it and plume himself accordingly. He +was the second son of his father; the eldest would have High Beck farm, of +course, but there was a good penny in the Kendal bank in store for Michael. +When harvest was over, he went to Chapel Langdale to learn to dance; and at +night, in his merry moods, he would do his steps on the flag floor of the Yew +Nook kitchen, to the secret admiration of Susan, who had never learned dancing, +but who flouted him perpetually, even while she admired, in accordance with the +rule she seemed to have made for herself about keeping him at a distance so +long as he lived under the same roof with her. One evening he sulked at some +saucy remark of hers; he sitting in the chimney corner with his arms on his +knees, and his head bent forwards, lazily gazing into the wood-fire on the +hearth, and luxuriating in rest after a hard day’s labour; she sitting +among the geraniums on the long, low window-seat, trying to catch the last +slanting rays of the autumnal light to enable her to finish stitching a +shirt-collar for Will, who lounged full length on the flags at the other side +of the hearth to Michael, poking the burning wood from time to time with a long +hazel-stick to bring out the leap of glittering sparks. +</p> + +<p> +“And if you can dance a threesome reel, what good does it do ye?” +asked Susan, looking askance at Michael, who had just been vaunting his +proficiency. “Does it help you plough, reap, or even climb the rocks to +take a raven’s nest? If I were a man, I’d be ashamed to give in to +such softness.” +</p> + +<p> +“If you were a man, you’d be glad to do anything which made the +pretty girls stand round and admire.” +</p> + +<p> +“As they do to you, eh! Ho, Michael, that would not be my way o’ +being a man!” +</p> + +<p> +“What would then?” asked he, after a pause, during which he had +expected in vain that she would go on with her sentence. No answer. +</p> + +<p> +“I should not like you as a man, Susy; you’d be too hard and +headstrong.” +</p> + +<p> +“Am I hard and headstrong?” asked she, with as indifferent a tone +as she could assume, but which yet had a touch of pique in it. His quick ear +detected the inflexion. +</p> + +<p> +“No, Susy! You’re wilful at times, and that’s right enough. I +don’t like a girl without spirit. There’s a mighty pretty girl +comes to the dancing class; but she is all milk and water. Her eyes never flash +like yours when you’re put out; why, I can see them flame across the +kitchen like a cat’s in the dark. Now, if you were a man, I should feel +queer before those looks of yours; as it is, I rather like them, +because—” +</p> + +<p> +“Because what?” asked she, looking up and perceiving that he had +stolen close up to her. +</p> + +<p> +“Because I can make all right in this way,” said he, kissing her +suddenly. +</p> + +<p> +“Can you?” said she, wrenching herself out of his grasp and +panting, half with rage. “Take that, by way of proof that making right is +none so easy.” And she boxed his ears pretty sharply. He went back to his +seat discomfited and out of temper. She could no longer see to look, even if +her face had not burnt and her eyes dazzled, but she did not choose to move her +seat, so she still preserved her stooping attitude and pretended to go on +sewing. +</p> + +<p> +“Eleanor Hebthwaite may be milk-and-water,” muttered he, +“but—Confound thee, lad! what art thou doing?” exclaimed +Michael, as a great piece of burning wood was cast into his face by an unlucky +poke of Will’s. “Thou great lounging, clumsy chap, I’ll teach +thee better!” and with one or two good round kicks he sent the lad +whimpering away into the back-kitchen. When he had a little recovered himself +from his passion, he saw Susan standing before him, her face looking strange +and almost ghastly by the reversed position of the shadows, arising from the +firelight shining upwards right under it. +</p> + +<p> +“I tell thee what, Michael,” said she, “that lad’s +motherless, but not friendless.” +</p> + +<p> +“His own father leathers him, and why should not I, when he’s given +me such a burn on my face?” said Michael, putting up his hand to his +cheek as if in pain. +</p> + +<p> +“His father’s his father, and there is nought more to be said. But +if he did burn thee, it was by accident, and not o’ purpose; as thou +kicked him, it’s a mercy if his ribs are not broken.” +</p> + +<p> +“He howls loud enough, I’m sure. I might ha’ kicked many a +lad twice as hard, and they’d ne’er ha’ said ought but +‘damn ye;’ but yon lad must needs cry out like a stuck pig if one +touches him;” replied Michael, sullenly. +</p> + +<p> +Susan went back to the window-seat, and looked absently out of the window at +the drifting clouds for a minute or two, while her eyes filled with tears. Then +she got up and made for the outer door which led into the back-kitchen. Before +she reached it, however, she heard a low voice, whose music made her thrill, +say— +</p> + +<p> +“Susan, Susan!” +</p> + +<p> +Her heart melted within her, but it seemed like treachery to her poor boy, like +faithlessness to her dead mother, to turn to her lover while the tears which he +had caused to flow were yet unwiped on Will’s cheeks. So she seemed to +take no heed, but passed into the darkness, and, guided by the sobs, she found +her way to where Willie sat crouched among the disused tubs and churns. +</p> + +<p> +“Come out wi’ me, lad;” and they went out into the orchard, +where the fruit-trees were bare of leaves, but ghastly in their tattered +covering of gray moss: and the soughing November wind came with long sweeps +over the fells till it rattled among the crackling boughs, underneath which the +brother and sister sat in the dark; he in her lap, and she hushing his head +against her shoulder. +</p> + +<p> +“Thou should’st na’ play wi’ fire. It’s a naughty +trick. Thoul’t suffer for it in worse ways nor this before thou’st +done, I’m afeared. I should ha’ hit thee twice as lungeous kicks as +Mike, if I’d been in his place. He did na’ hurt thee, I am +sure,” she assumed, half as a question. +</p> + +<p> +“Yes but he did. He turned me quite sick.” And he let his head fall +languidly down on his sister’s breast. +</p> + +<p> +“Come, lad! come, lad!” said she anxiously. “Be a man. It was +not much that I saw. Why, when first the red cow came she kicked me far harder +for offering to milk her before her legs were tied. See thee! here’s a +peppermint-drop, and I’ll make thee a pasty to-night; only don’t +give way so, for it hurts me sore to think that Michael has done thee any harm, +my pretty.” +</p> + +<p> +Willie roused himself up, and put back the wet and ruffled hair from his heated +face; and he and Susan rose up, and hand-in-hand went towards the house, +walking slowly and quietly except for a kind of sob which Willie could not +repress. Susan took him to the pump and washed his tear-stained face, till she +thought she had obliterated all traces of the recent disturbance, arranging his +curls for him, and then she kissed him tenderly, and led him in, hoping to find +Michael in the kitchen, and make all straight between them. But the blaze had +dropped down into darkness; the wood was a heap of gray ashes in which the +sparks ran hither and thither; but even in the groping darkness Susan knew by +the sinking at her heart that Michael was not there. She threw another brand on +the hearth and lighted the candle, and sat down to her work in silence. Willie +cowered on his stool by the side of the fire, eyeing his sister from time to +time, and sorry and oppressed, he knew not why, by the sight of her grave, +almost stern face. No one came. They two were in the house alone. The old woman +who helped Susan with the household work had gone out for the night to some +friend’s dwelling. William Dixon, the father, was up on the fells seeing +after his sheep. Susan had no heart to prepare the evening meal. +</p> + +<p> +“Susy, darling, are you angry with me?” said Willie, in his little +piping, gentle voice. He had stolen up to his sister’s side. “I +won’t never play with the fire again; and I’ll not cry if Michael +does kick me. Only don’t look so like dead +mother—don’t—don’t—please don’t!” he +exclaimed, hiding his face on her shoulder. +</p> + +<p> +“I’m not angry, Willie,” said she. “Don’t be +feared on me. You want your supper, and you shall have it; and don’t you +be feared on Michael. He shall give reason for every hair of your head that he +touches—he shall.” +</p> + +<p> +When William Dixon came home he found Susan and Willie sitting together, +hand-in-hand, and apparently pretty cheerful. He bade them go to bed, for that +he would sit up for Michael; and the next morning, when Susan came down, she +found that Michael had started an hour before with the cart for lime. It was a +long day’s work; Susan knew it would be late, perhaps later than on the +preceding night, before he returned—at any rate, past her usual bed-time; +and on no account would she stop up a minute beyond that hour in the kitchen, +whatever she might do in her bed-room. Here she sat and watched till past +midnight; and when she saw him coming up the brow with the carts, she knew full +well, even in that faint moonlight, that his gait was the gait of a man in +liquor. But though she was annoyed and mortified to find in what way he had +chosen to forget her, the fact did not disgust or shock her as it would have +done many a girl, even at that day, who had not been brought up as Susan had, +among a class who considered it no crime, but rather a mark of spirit, in a man +to get drunk occasionally. Nevertheless, she chose to hold herself very high +all the next day when Michael was, perforce, obliged to give up any attempt to +do heavy work, and hung about the out-buildings and farm in a very disconsolate +and sickly state. Willie had far more pity on him than Susan. Before evening, +Willie and he were fast, and, on his side, ostentatious friends. Willie rode +the horses down to water; Willie helped him to chop wood. Susan sat gloomily at +her work, hearing an indistinct but cheerful conversation going on in the +shippon, while the cows were being milked. She almost felt irritated with her +little brother, as if he were a traitor, and had gone over to the enemy in the +very battle that she was fighting in his cause. She was alone with no one to +speak to, while they prattled on regardless if she were glad or sorry. +</p> + +<p> +Soon Willie burst in. “Susan! Susan! come with me; I’ve something +so pretty to show you. Round the corner of the barn—run! run!” (He +was dragging her along, half reluctant, half desirous of some change in that +weary day.) Round the corner of the barn; and caught hold of by Michael, who +stood there awaiting her. +</p> + +<p> +“O Willie!” cried she “you naughty boy. There is nothing +pretty—what have you brought me here for? Let me go; I won’t be +held.” +</p> + +<p> +“Only one word. Nay, if you wish it so much, you may go,” said +Michael, suddenly loosing his hold as she struggled. But now she was free, she +only drew off a step or two, murmuring something about Willie. +</p> + +<p> +“You are going, then?” said Michael, with seeming sadness. +“You won’t hear me say a word of what is in my heart.” +</p> + +<p> +“How can I tell whether it is what I should like to hear?” replied +she, still drawing back. +</p> + +<p> +“That is just what I want you to tell me; I want you to hear it and then +to tell me whether you like it or not.” +</p> + +<p> +“Well, you may speak,” replied she, turning her back, and beginning +to plait the hem of her apron. +</p> + +<p> +He came close to her ear. +</p> + +<p> +“I’m sorry I hurt Willie the other night. He has forgiven me. Can +you?” +</p> + +<p> +“You hurt him very badly,” she replied. “But you are right to +be sorry. I forgive you.” +</p> + +<p> +“Stop, stop!” said he, laying his hand upon her arm. “There +is something more I’ve got to say. I want you to be my—what is it +they call it, Susan?” +</p> + +<p> +“I don’t know,” said she, half-laughing, but trying to get +away with all her might now; and she was a strong girl, but she could not +manage it. +</p> + +<p> +“You do. My—what is it I want you to be?” +</p> + +<p> +“I tell you I don’t know, and you had best be quiet, and just let +me go in, or I shall think you’re as bad now as you were last +night.” +</p> + +<p> +“And how did you know what I was last night? It was past twelve when I +came home. Were you watching? Ah, Susan! be my wife, and you shall never have +to watch for a drunken husband. If I were your husband, I would come straight +home, and count every minute an hour till I saw your bonny face. Now you know +what I want you to be. I ask you to be my wife. Will you, my own dear +Susan?” +</p> + +<p> +She did not speak for some time. Then she only said “Ask father.” +And now she was really off like a lapwing round the corner of the barn, and up +in her own little room, crying with all her might, before the triumphant smile +had left Michael’s face where he stood. +</p> + +<p> +The “Ask father” was a mere form to be gone though. Old Daniel +Hurst and William Dixon had talked over what they could respectively give their +children before this; and that was the parental way of arranging such matters. +When the probable amount of worldly gear that he could give his child had been +named by each father, the young folk, as they said, might take their own time +in coming to the point which the old men, with the prescience of experience, +saw they were drifting to; no need to hurry them, for they were both young, and +Michael, though active enough, was too thoughtless, old Daniel said, to be +trusted with the entire management of a farm. Meanwhile, his father would look +about him, and see after all the farms that were to be let. +</p> + +<p> +Michael had a shrewd notion of this preliminary understanding between the +fathers, and so felt less daunted than he might otherwise have done at making +the application for Susan’s hand. It was all right, there was not an +obstacle; only a deal of good advice, which the lover thought might have as +well been spared, and which it must be confessed he did not much attend to, +although he assented to every part of it. Then Susan was called down stairs, +and slowly came dropping into view down the steps which led from the two family +apartments into the house-place. She tried to look composed and quiet, but it +could not be done. She stood side by side with her lover, with her head +drooping, her cheeks burning, not daring to look up or move, while her father +made the newly-betrothed a somewhat formal address in which he gave his +consent, and many a piece of worldly wisdom beside. Susan listened as well as +she could for the beating of her heart; but when her father solemnly and sadly +referred to his own lost wife, she could keep from sobbing no longer; but +throwing her apron over her face, she sat down on the bench by the dresser, and +fairly gave way to pent-up tears. Oh, how strangely sweet to be comforted as +she was comforted, by tender caress, and many a low-whispered promise of love! +Her father sat by the fire, thinking of the days that were gone; Willie was +still out of doors; but Susan and Michael felt no one’s presence or +absence—they only knew they were together as betrothed husband and wife. +</p> + +<p> +In a week, or two, they were formally told of the arrangements to be made in +their favour. A small farm in the neighbourhood happened to fall vacant; and +Michael’s father offered to take it for him, and be responsible for the +rent for the first year, while William Dixon was to contribute a certain amount +of stock, and both fathers were to help towards the furnishing of the house. +Susan received all this information in a quiet, indifferent way; she did not +care much for any of these preparations, which were to hurry her through the +happy hours; she cared least of all for the money amount of dowry and of +substance. It jarred on her to be made the confidante of occasional slight +repinings of Michael’s, as one by one his future father-in-law set aside +a beast or a pig for Susan’s portion, which were not always the best +animals of their kind upon the farm. But he also complained of his own +father’s stinginess, which somewhat, though not much, alleviated +Susan’s dislike to being awakened out of her pure dream of love to the +consideration of worldly wealth. +</p> + +<p> +But in the midst of all this bustle, Willie moped and pined. He had the same +chord of delicacy running through his mind that made his body feeble and weak. +He kept out of the way, and was apparently occupied in whittling and carving +uncouth heads on hazel-sticks in an out-house. But he positively avoided +Michael, and shrunk away even from Susan. She was too much occupied to notice +this at first. Michael pointed it out to her, saying, with a laugh,— +</p> + +<p> +“Look at Willie! he might be a cast-off lover and jealous of me, he looks +so dark and downcast at me.” Michael spoke this jest out loud, and Willie +burst into tears, and ran out of the house. +</p> + +<p> +“Let me go. Let me go!” said Susan (for her lover’s arm was +round her waist). “I must go to him if he’s fretting. I promised +mother I would!” She pulled herself away, and went in search of the boy. +She sought in byre and barn, through the orchard, where indeed in this leafless +winter-time there was no great concealment; up into the room where the wool was +usually stored in the later summer, and at last she found him, sitting at bay, +like some hunted creature, up behind the wood-stack. +</p> + +<p> +“What are ye gone for, lad, and me seeking you everywhere?” asked +she, breathless. +</p> + +<p> +“I did not know you would seek me. I’ve been away many a time, and +no one has cared to seek me,” said he, crying afresh. +</p> + +<p> +“Nonsense,” replied Susan, “don’t be so foolish, ye +little good-for-nought.” But she crept up to him in the hole he had made +underneath the great, brown sheafs of wood, and squeezed herself down by him. +“What for should folk seek after you, when you get away from them +whenever you can?” asked she. +</p> + +<p> +“They don’t want me to stay. Nobody wants me. If I go with father, +he says I hinder more than I help. You used to like to have me with you. But +now, you’ve taken up with Michael, and you’d rather I was away; and +I can just bide away; but I cannot stand Michael jeering at me. He’s got +you to love him and that might serve him.” +</p> + +<p> +“But I love you, too, dearly, lad!” said she, putting her arm round +his neck. +</p> + +<p> +“Which one of us do you like best?” said he, wistfully, after a +little pause, putting her arm away, so that he might look in her face, and see +if she spoke truth. +</p> + +<p> +She went very red. +</p> + +<p> +“You should not ask such questions. They are not fit for you to ask, nor +for me to answer.” +</p> + +<p> +“But mother bade you love me!” said he, plaintively. +</p> + +<p> +“And so I do. And so I ever will do. Lover nor husband shall come betwixt +thee and me, lad—ne’er a one of them. That I promise thee (as I +promised mother before), in the sight of God and with her hearkening now, if +ever she can hearken to earthly word again. Only I cannot abide to have thee +fretting, just because my heart is large enough for two.” +</p> + +<p> +“And thou’lt love me always?” +</p> + +<p> +“Always, and ever. And the more—the more thou’lt love +Michael,” said she, dropping her voice. +</p> + +<p> +“I’ll try,” said the boy, sighing, for he remembered many a +harsh word and blow of which his sister knew nothing. She would have risen up +to go away, but he held her tight, for here and now she was all his own, and he +did not know when such a time might come again. So the two sat crouched up and +silent, till they heard the horn blowing at the field-gate, which was the +summons home to any wanderers belonging to the farm, and at this hour of the +evening, signified that supper was ready. Then the two went in. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="chap02"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + +<p> +Susan and Michael were to be married in April. He had already gone to take +possession of his new farm, three or four miles away from Yew Nook—but +that is neighbouring, according to the acceptation of the word in that +thinly-populated district,—when William Dixon fell ill. He came home one +evening, complaining of head-ache and pains in his limbs, but seemed to loathe +the posset which Susan prepared for him; the treacle-posset which was the +homely country remedy against an incipient cold. He took to his bed with a +sensation of exceeding weariness, and an odd, unusual looking-back to the days +of his youth, when he was a lad living with his parents, in this very house. +</p> + +<p> +The next morning he had forgotten all his life since then, and did not know his +own children; crying, like a newly-weaned baby, for his mother to come and +soothe away his terrible pain. The doctor from Coniston said it was the +typhus-fever, and warned Susan of its infectious character, and shook his head +over his patient. There were no near friends to come and share her anxiety; +only good, kind old Peggy, who was faithfulness itself, and one or two +labourers’ wives, who would fain have helped her, had not their hands +been tied by their responsibility to their own families. But, somehow, Susan +neither feared nor flagged. As for fear, indeed, she had no time to give way to +it, for every energy of both body and mind was required. Besides, the young +have had too little experience of the danger of infection to dread it much. She +did indeed wish, from time to time, that Michael had been at home to have taken +Willie over to his father’s at High Beck; but then, again, the lad was +docile and useful to her, and his fecklessness in many things might make him +harshly treated by strangers; so, perhaps, it was as well that Michael was away +at Appleby fair, or even beyond that—gone into Yorkshire after horses. +</p> + +<p> +Her father grew worse; and the doctor insisted on sending over a nurse from +Coniston. Not a professed nurse—Coniston could not have supported such a +one; but a widow who was ready to go where the doctor sent her for the sake of +the payment. When she came, Susan suddenly gave way; she was felled by the +fever herself, and lay unconscious for long weeks. Her consciousness returned +to her one spring afternoon; early spring: April,—her wedding-month. +There was a little fire burning in the small corner-grate, and the flickering +of the blaze was enough for her to notice in her weak state. She felt that +there was some one sitting on the window-side of her bed, behind the curtain, +but she did not care to know who it was; it was even too great a trouble for +her languid mind to consider who it was likely to be. She would rather shut her +eyes, and melt off again into the gentle luxury of sleep. The next time she +wakened, the Coniston nurse perceived her movement, and made her a cup of tea, +which she drank with eager relish; but still they did not speak, and once more +Susan lay motionless—not asleep, but strangely, pleasantly conscious of +all the small chamber and household sounds; the fall of a cinder on the hearth, +the fitful singing of the half-empty kettle, the cattle tramping out to field +again after they had been milked, the aged step on the creaking stair—old +Peggy’s, as she knew. It came to her door; it stopped; the person outside +listened for a moment, and then lifted the wooden latch, and looked in. The +watcher by the bedside arose, and went to her. Susan would have been glad to +see Peggy’s face once more, but was far too weak to turn, so she lay and +listened. +</p> + +<p> +“How is she?” whispered one trembling, aged voice. +</p> + +<p> +“Better,” replied the other. “She’s been awake, and had +a cup of tea. She’ll do now.” +</p> + +<p> +“Has she asked after him?” +</p> + +<p> +“Hush! No; she has not spoken a word.” +</p> + +<p> +“Poor lass! poor lass!” +</p> + +<p> +The door was shut. A weak feeling of sorrow and self-pity came over Susan. What +was wrong? Whom had she loved? And dawning, dawning, slowly rose the sun of her +former life, and all particulars were made distinct to her. She felt that some +sorrow was coming to her, and cried over it before she knew what it was, or had +strength enough to ask. In the dead of night,—and she had never slept +again,—she softly called to the watcher, and asked— +</p> + +<p> +“Who?” +</p> + +<p> +“Who what?” replied the woman, with a conscious affright, +ill-veiled by a poor assumption of ease. “Lie still, there’s a +darling, and go to sleep. Sleep’s better for you than all the +doctor’s stuff.” +</p> + +<p> +“Who?” repeated Susan. “Something is wrong. Who?” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh, dear!” said the woman. “There’s nothing wrong. +Willie has taken the turn, and is doing nicely.” +</p> + +<p> +“Father?” +</p> + +<p> +“Well! he’s all right now,” she answered, looking another +way, as if seeking for something. +</p> + +<p> +“Then it’s Michael! Oh, me! oh, me!” She set up a succession +of weak, plaintive, hysterical cries before the nurse could pacify her, by +declaring that Michael had been at the house not three hours before to ask +after her, and looked as well and as hearty as ever man did. +</p> + +<p> +“And you heard of no harm to him since?” inquired Susan. +</p> + +<p> +“Bless the lass, no, for sure! I’ve ne’er heard his name +named since I saw him go out of the yard as stout a man as ever trod +shoe-leather.” +</p> + +<p> +It was well, as the nurse said afterwards to Peggy, that Susan had been so +easily pacified by the equivocating answer in respect to her father. If she had +pressed the questions home in his case as she did in Michael’s, she would +have learnt that he was dead and buried more than a month before. It was well, +too, that in her weak state of convalescence (which lasted long after this +first day of consciousness) her perceptions were not sharp enough to observe +the sad change that had taken place in Willie. His bodily strength returned, +his appetite was something enormous, but his eyes wandered continually; his +regard could not be arrested; his speech became slow, impeded, and incoherent. +People began to say that the fever had taken away the little wit Willie Dixon +had ever possessed and that they feared that he would end in being a +“natural,” as they call an idiot in the Dales. +</p> + +<p> +The habitual affection and obedience to Susan lasted longer than any other +feeling that the boy had had previous to his illness; and, perhaps, this made +her be the last to perceive what every one else had long anticipated. She felt +the awakening rude when it did come. It was in this wise:— +</p> + +<p> +One June evening, she sat out of doors under the yew-tree, knitting. She was +pale still from her recent illness; and her languor, joined to the fact of her +black dress, made her look more than usually interesting. She was no longer the +buoyant self-sufficient Susan, equal to every occasion. The men were bringing +in the cows to be milked, and Michael was about in the yard giving orders and +directions with somewhat the air of a master, for the farm belonged of right to +Willie, and Susan had succeeded to the guardianship of her brother. Michael and +she were to be married as soon as she was strong enough—so, perhaps, his +authoritative manner was justified; but the labourers did not like it, although +they said little. They remembered a stripling on the farm, knowing far less +than they did, and often glad to shelter his ignorance of all agricultural +matters behind their superior knowledge. They would have taken orders from +Susan with far more willingness; nay, Willie himself might have commanded them; +and from the old hereditary feeling toward the owners of land, they would have +obeyed him with far greater cordiality than they now showed to Michael. But +Susan was tired with even three rounds of knitting, and seemed not to notice, +or to care, how things went on around her; and Willie—poor +Willie!—there he stood lounging against the door-sill, enormously grown +and developed, to be sure, but with restless eyes and ever-open mouth, and +every now and then setting up a strange kind of howling cry, and then smiling +vacantly to himself at the sound he had made. As the two old labourers passed +him, they looked at each other ominously, and shook their heads. +</p> + +<p> +“Willie, darling,” said Susan, “don’t make that +noise—it makes my head ache.” +</p> + +<p> +She spoke feebly, and Willie did not seem to hear; at any rate, he continued +his howl from time to time. +</p> + +<p> +“Hold thy noise, wilt’a?” said Michael, roughly, as he passed +near him, and threatening him with his fist. Susan’s back was turned to +the pair. The expression of Willie’s face changed from vacancy to fear, +and he came shambling up to Susan, who put her arm round him, and, as if +protected by that shelter, he began making faces at Michael. Susan saw what was +going on, and, as if now first struck by the strangeness of her brother’s +manner, she looked anxiously at Michael for an explanation. Michael was +irritated at Willie’s defiance of him, and did not mince the matter. +</p> + +<p> +“It’s just that the fever has left him silly—he never was as +wise as other folk, and now I doubt if he will ever get right.” +</p> + +<p> +Susan did not speak, but she went very pale, and her lip quivered. She looked +long and wistfully at Willie’s face, as he watched the motion of the +ducks in the great stable-pool. He laughed softly to himself every now and +then. +</p> + +<p> +“Willie likes to see the ducks go overhead,” said Susan, +instinctively adopting the form of speech she would have used to a young child. +</p> + +<p> +“Willie, boo! Willie, boo!” he replied, clapping his hands, and +avoiding her eye. +</p> + +<p> +“Speak properly, Willie,” said Susan, making a strong effort at +self-control, and trying to arrest his attention. +</p> + +<p> +“You know who I am—tell me my name!” She grasped his arm +almost painfully tight to make him attend. Now he looked at her, and, for an +instant, a gleam of recognition quivered over his face; but the exertion was +evidently painful, and he began to cry at the vainness of the effort to recall +her name. He hid his face upon her shoulder with the old affectionate trick of +manner. She put him gently away, and went into the house into her own little +bedroom. She locked the door, and did not reply at all to Michael’s calls +for her, hardly spoke to old Peggy, who tried to tempt her out to receive some +homely sympathy, and through the open easement there still came the idiotic +sound of “Willie, boo! Willie, boo!” +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="chap03"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + +<p> +After the stun of the blow came the realization of the consequences. Susan +would sit for hours trying patiently to recall and piece together fragments of +recollection and consciousness in her brother’s mind. She would let him +go and pursue some senseless bit of play, and wait until she could catch his +eye or his attention again, when she would resume her self-imposed task. +Michael complained that she never had a word for him, or a minute of time to +spend with him now; but she only said she must try, while there was yet a +chance, to bring back her brother’s lost wits. As for marriage in this +state of uncertainty, she had no heart to think of it. Then Michael stormed, +and absented himself for two or three days; but it was of no use. When he came +back, he saw that she had been crying till her eyes were all swollen up, and he +gathered from Peggy’s scoldings (which she did not spare him) that Susan +had eaten nothing since he went away. But she was as inflexible as ever. +</p> + +<p> +“Not just yet. Only not just yet. And don’t say again that I do not +love you,” said she, suddenly hiding herself in his arms. +</p> + +<p> +And so matters went on through August. The crop of oats was gathered in; the +wheat-field was not ready as yet, when one fine day Michael drove up in a +borrowed shandry, and offered to take Willie a ride. His manner, when Susan +asked him where he was going to, was rather confused; but the answer was +straight and clear enough. +</p> + +<p> +He had business in Ambleside. He would never lose sight of the lad, and have +him back safe and sound before dark. So Susan let him go. +</p> + +<p> +Before night they were at home again: Willie in high delight at a little +rattling paper windmill that Michael had bought for him in the street, and +striving to imitate this new sound with perpetual buzzings. Michael, too, +looked pleased. Susan knew the look, although afterwards she remembered that he +had tried to veil it from her, and had assumed a grave appearance of sorrow +whenever he caught her eye. He put up his horse; for, although he had three +miles further to go, the moon was up—the bonny harvest-moon—and he +did not care how late he had to drive on such a road by such a light. After the +supper which Susan had prepared for the travellers was over, Peggy went +up-stairs to see Willie safe in bed; for he had to have the same care taken of +him that a little child of four years old requires. +</p> + +<p> +Michael drew near to Susan. +</p> + +<p> +“Susan,” said he, “I took Will to see Dr. Preston, at Kendal. +He’s the first doctor in the county. I thought it were better for +us—for you—to know at once what chance there were for him.” +</p> + +<p> +“Well!” said Susan, looking eagerly up. She saw the same strange +glance of satisfaction, the same instant change to apparent regret and pain. +“What did he say?” said she. “Speak! can’t you?” +</p> + +<p> +“He said he would never get better of his weakness.” +</p> + +<p> +“Never!” +</p> + +<p> +“No; never. It’s a long word, and hard to bear. And there’s +worse to come, dearest. The doctor thinks he will get badder from year to year. +And he said, if he was us—you—he would send him off in time to +Lancaster Asylum. They’ve ways there both of keeping such people in order +and making them happy. I only tell you what he said,” continued he, +seeing the gathering storm in her face. +</p> + +<p> +“There was no harm in his saying it,” she replied, with great +self-constraint, forcing herself to speak coldly instead of angrily. +“Folk is welcome to their opinions.” +</p> + +<p> +They sat silent for a minute or two, her breast heaving with suppressed +feeling. +</p> + +<p> +“He’s counted a very clever man,” said Michael at length. +</p> + +<p> +“He may be. He’s none of my clever men, nor am I going to be guided +by him, whatever he may think. And I don’t thank them that went and took +my poor lad to have such harsh notions formed about him. If I’d been +there, I could have called out the sense that is in him.” +</p> + +<p> +“Well! I’ll not say more to-night, Susan. You’re not taking +it rightly, and I’d best be gone, and leave you to think it over. +I’ll not deny they are hard words to hear, but there’s sense in +them, as I take it; and I reckon you’ll have to come to ’em. +Anyhow, it’s a bad way of thanking me for my pains, and I don’t +take it well in you, Susan,” said he, getting up, as if offended. +</p> + +<p> +“Michael, I’m beside myself with sorrow. Don’t blame me if I +speak sharp. He and me is the only ones, you see. And mother did so charge me +to have a care of him! And this is what he’s come to, poor lile +chap!” She began to cry, and Michael to comfort her with caresses. +</p> + +<p> +“Don’t,” said she. “It’s no use trying to make me +forget poor Willie is a natural. I could hate myself for being happy with you, +even for just a little minute. Go away, and leave me to face it out.” +</p> + +<p> +“And you’ll think it over, Susan, and remember what the doctor +says?” +</p> + +<p> +“I can’t forget,” said she. She meant she could not forget +what the doctor had said about the hopelessness of her brother’s case; +Michael had referred to the plan of sending Willie to an asylum, or madhouse, +as they were called in that day and place. The idea had been gathering force in +Michael’s mind for some time; he had talked it over with his father, and +secretly rejoiced over the possession of the farm and land which would then be +his in fact, if not in law, by right of his wife. He had always considered the +good penny her father could give her in his catalogue of Susan’s charms +and attractions. But of late he had grown to esteem her as the heiress of Yew +Nook. He, too, should have land like his brother—land to possess, to +cultivate, to make profit from, to bequeath. For some time he had wondered that +Susan had been so much absorbed in Willie’s present, that she had never +seemed to look forward to his future, state. Michael had long felt the boy to +be a trouble; but of late he had absolutely loathed him. His gibbering, his +uncouth gestures, his loose, shambling gait, all irritated Michael +inexpressibly. He did not come near the Yew Nook for a couple of days. He +thought that he would leave her time to become anxious to see him and +reconciled to his plan. They were strange lonely days to Susan. They were the +first she had spent face to face with the sorrows that had turned her from a +girl into a woman; for hitherto Michael had never let twenty-four hours pass by +without coming to see her since she had had the fever. Now that he was absent, +it seemed as though some cause of irritation was removed from Will, who was +much more gentle and tractable than he had been for many weeks. Susan thought +that she observed him making efforts at her bidding, and there was something +piteous in the way in which he crept up to her, and looked wistfully in her +face, as if asking her to restore him the faculties that he felt to be wanting. +</p> + +<p> +“I never will let thee go, lad. Never! There’s no knowing where +they would take thee to, or what they would do with thee. As it says in the +Bible, ‘Nought but death shall part thee and me!’” +</p> + +<p> +The country-side was full, in those days, of stories of the brutal treatment +offered to the insane; stories that were, in fact, but too well founded, and +the truth of one of which only would have been a sufficient reason for the +strong prejudice existing against all such places. Each succeeding hour that +Susan passed, alone, or with the poor affectionate lad for her sole companion, +served to deepen her solemn resolution never to part with him. So, when Michael +came, he was annoyed and surprised by the calm way in which she spoke, as if +following Dr. Preston’s advice was utterly and entirely out of the +question. He had expected nothing less than a consent, reluctant it might be, +but still a consent; and he was extremely irritated. He could have repressed +his anger, but he chose rather to give way to it; thinking that he could thus +best work upon Susan’s affection, so as to gain his point. But, somehow, +he over-reached himself; and now he was astonished in his turn at the passion +of indignation that she burst into. +</p> + +<p> +“Thou wilt not bide in the same house with him, say’st thou? +There’s no need for thy biding, as far as I can tell. There’s +solemn reason why I should bide with my own flesh and blood and keep to the +word I pledged my mother on her death-bed; but, as for thee, there’s no +tie that I know on to keep thee fro’ going to America or Botany Bay this +very night, if that were thy inclination. I will have no more of your threats +to make me send my bairn away. If thou marry me, thou’lt help me to take +charge of Willie. If thou doesn’t choose to marry me on those +terms—why, I can snap my fingers at thee, never fear. I’m not so +far gone in love as that. But I will not have thee, if thou say’st in +such a hectoring way that Willie must go out of the house—and the house +his own too—before thoul’t set foot in it. Willie bides here, and I +bide with him.” +</p> + +<p> +“Thou hast may-be spoken a word too much,” said Michael, pale with +rage. “If I am free, as thou say’st, to go to Canada, or Botany +Bay, I reckon I’m free to live where I like, and that will not be with a +natural who may turn into a madman some day, for aught I know. Choose between +him and me, Susy, for I swear to thee, thou shan’t have both.” +</p> + +<p> +“I have chosen,” said Susan, now perfectly composed and still. +“Whatever comes of it, I bide with Willie.” +</p> + +<p> +“Very well,” replied Michael, trying to assume an equal composure +of manner. “Then I’ll wish you a very good night.” He went +out of the house door, half-expecting to be called back again; but, instead, he +heard a hasty step inside, and a bolt drawn. +</p> + +<p> +“Whew!” said he to himself, “I think I must leave my lady +alone for a week or two, and give her time to come to her senses. She’ll +not find it so easy as she thinks to let me go.” +</p> + +<p> +So he went past the kitchen-window in nonchalant style, and was not seen again +at Yew Nook for some weeks. How did he pass the time? For the first day or two, +he was unusually cross with all things and people that came athwart him. Then +wheat-harvest began, and he was busy, and exultant about his heavy crop. Then a +man came from a distance to bid for the lease of his farm, which, by his +father’s advice, had been offered for sale, as he himself was so soon +likely to remove to the Yew Nook. He had so little idea that Susan really would +remain firm to her determination, that he at once began to haggle with the man +who came after his farm, showed him the crop just got in, and managed skilfully +enough to make a good bargain for himself. Of course, the bargain had to be +sealed at the public-house; and the companions he met with there soon became +friends enough to tempt him into Langdale, where again he met with Eleanor +Hebthwaite. +</p> + +<p> +How did Susan pass the time? For the first day or so, she was too angry and +offended to cry. She went about her household duties in a quick, sharp, +jerking, yet absent way; shrinking one moment from Will, overwhelming him with +remorseful caresses the next. The third day of Michael’s absence, she had +the relief of a good fit of crying; and after that, she grew softer and more +tender; she felt how harshly she had spoken to him, and remembered how angry +she had been. She made excuses for him. “It was no wonder,” she +said to herself, “that he had been vexed with her; and no wonder he would +not give in, when she had never tried to speak gently or to reason with him. +She was to blame, and she would tell him so, and tell him once again all that +her mother had bade her to be to Willie, and all the horrible stories she had +heard about madhouses, and he would be on her side at once.” +</p> + +<p> +And so she watched for his coming, intending to apologise as soon as ever she +saw him. She hurried over her household work, in order to sit quietly at her +sewing, and hear the first distant sound of his well-known step or whistle. But +even the sound of her flying needle seemed too loud—perhaps she was +losing an exquisite instant of anticipation; so she stopped sewing, and looked +longingly out through the geranium leaves, in order that her eye might catch +the first stir of the branches in the wood-path by which he generally came. Now +and then a bird might spring out of the covert; otherwise the leaves were +heavily still in the sultry weather of early autumn. Then she would take up her +sewing, and, with a spasm of resolution, she would determine that a certain +task should be fulfilled before she would again allow herself the poignant +luxury of expectation. Sick at heart was she when the evening closed in, and +the chances of that day diminished. Yet she stayed up longer than usual, +thinking that if he were coming—if he were only passing along the distant +road—the sight of a light in the window might encourage him to make his +appearance even at that late hour, while seeing the house all darkened and shut +up might quench any such intention. +</p> + +<p> +Very sick and weary at heart, she went to bed; too desolate and despairing to +cry, or make any moan. But in the morning hope came afresh. Another +day—another chance! And so it went on for weeks. Peggy understood her +young mistress’s sorrow full well, and respected it by her silence on the +subject. Willie seemed happier now that the irritation of Michael’s +presence was removed; for the poor idiot had a sort of antipathy to Michael, +which was a kind of heart’s echo to the repugnance in which the latter +held him. Altogether, just at this time, Willie was the happiest of the three. +</p> + +<p> +As Susan went into Coniston, to sell her butter, one Saturday, some +inconsiderate person told her that she had seen Michael Hurst the night before. +I said inconsiderate, but I might rather have said unobservant; for any one who +had spent half-an-hour in Susan Dixon’s company might have seen that she +disliked having any reference made to the subjects nearest her heart, were they +joyous or grievous. Now she went a little paler than usual (and she had never +recovered her colour since she had had the fever), and tried to keep silence. +But an irrepressible pang forced out the question— +</p> + +<p> +“Where?” +</p> + +<p> +“At Thomas Applethwaite’s, in Langdale. They had a kind of +harvest-home, and he were there among the young folk, and very thick wi’ +Nelly Hebthwaite, old Thomas’s niece. Thou’lt have to look after +him a bit, Susan!” +</p> + +<p> +She neither smiled nor sighed. The neighbour who had been speaking to her was +struck with the gray stillness of her face. Susan herself felt how well her +self-command was obeyed by every little muscle, and said to herself in her +Spartan manner, “I can bear it without either wincing or +blenching.” She went home early, at a tearing, passionate pace, trampling +and breaking through all obstacles of briar or bush. Willie was moping in her +absence—hanging listlessly on the farm-yard gate to watch for her. When +he saw her, he set up one of his strange, inarticulate cries, of which she was +now learning the meaning, and came towards her with his loose, galloping run, +head and limbs all shaking and wagging with pleasant excitement. Suddenly she +turned from him, and burst into tears. She sat down on a stone by the wayside, +not a hundred yards from home, and buried her face in her hands, and gave way +to a passion of pent-up sorrow; so terrible and full of agony were her low +cries, that the idiot stood by her, aghast and silent. All his joy gone for the +time, but not, like her joy, turned into ashes. Some thought struck him. Yes! +the sight of her woe made him think, great as the exertion was. He ran, and +stumbled, and shambled home, buzzing with his lips all the time. She never +missed him. He came back in a trice, bringing with him his cherished paper +windmill, bought on that fatal day when Michael had taken him into Kendal to +have his doom of perpetual idiocy pronounced. He thrust it into Susan’s +face, her hands, her lap, regardless of the injury his frail plaything thereby +received. He leapt before her to think how he had cured all heart-sorrow, +buzzing louder than ever. Susan looked up at him, and that glance of her sad +eyes sobered him. He began to whimper, he knew not why: and she now, comforter +in her turn, tried to soothe him by twirling his windmill. But it was broken; +it made no noise; it would not go round. This seemed to afflict Susan more than +him. She tried to make it right, although she saw the task was hopeless; and +while she did so, the tears rained down unheeded from her bent head on the +paper toy. +</p> + +<p> +“It won’t do,” said she, at last. “It will never do +again.” And, somehow, she took the accident and her words as omens of the +love that was broken, and that she feared could never be pieced together more. +She rose up and took Willie’s hand, and the two went slowly into the +house. +</p> + +<p> +To her surprise, Michael Hurst sat in the house-place. House-place is a sort of +better kitchen, where no cookery is done, but which is reserved for state +occasions. Michael had gone in there because he was accompanied by his only +sister, a woman older than himself, who was well married beyond Keswick, and +who now came for the first time to make acquaintance with Susan. Michael had +primed his sister with his wishes regarding Will, and the position in which he +stood with Susan; and arriving at Yew Nook in the absence of the latter, he had +not scrupled to conduct his sister into the guest-room, as he held Mrs. +Gale’s worldly position in respect and admiration, and therefore wished +her to be favourably impressed with all the signs of property which he was +beginning to consider as Susan’s greatest charms. He had secretly said to +himself, that if Eleanor Hebthwaite and Susan Dixon were equal in point of +riches, he would sooner have Eleanor by far. He had begun to consider Susan as +a termagant; and when he thought of his intercourse with her, recollections of +her somewhat warm and hasty temper came far more readily to his mind than any +remembrance of her generous, loving nature. +</p> + +<p> +And now she stood face to face with him; her eyes tear-swollen, her garments +dusty, and here and there torn in consequence of her rapid progress through the +bushy by-paths. She did not make a favourable impression on the well-clad Mrs. +Gale, dressed in her best silk gown, and therefore unusually susceptible to the +appearance of another. Nor were Susan’s manners gracious or cordial. How +could they be, when she remembered what had passed between Michael and herself +the last time they met? For her penitence had faded away under the daily +disappointment of these last weary weeks. +</p> + +<p> +But she was hospitable in substance. She bade Peggy hurry on the kettle, and +busied herself among the tea-cups, thankful that the presence of Mrs. Gale, as +a stranger, would prevent the immediate recurrence to the one subject which she +felt must be present in Michael’s mind as well as in her own. But Mrs. +Gale was withheld by no such feelings of delicacy. She had come ready-primed +with the case, and had undertaken to bring the girl to reason. There was no +time to be lost. It had been prearranged between the brother and sister that he +was to stroll out into the farm-yard before his sister introduced the subject; +but she was so confident in the success of her arguments, that she must needs +have the triumph of a victory as soon as possible; and, accordingly, she +brought a hail-storm of good reasons to bear upon Susan. Susan did not reply +for a long time; she was so indignant at this intermeddling of a stranger in +the deep family sorrow and shame. Mrs. Gale thought she was gaining the day, +and urged her arguments more pitilessly. Even Michael winced for Susan, and +wondered at her silence. He shrank out of sight, and into the shadow, hoping +that his sister might prevail, but annoyed at the hard way in which she kept +putting the case. +</p> + +<p> +Suddenly Susan turned round from the occupation she had pretended to be engaged +in, and said to him in a low voice, which yet not only vibrated itself, but +made its hearers thrill through all their obtuseness: +</p> + +<p> +“Michael Hurst! does your sister speak truth, think you?” +</p> + +<p> +Both women looked at him for his answer; Mrs. Gale without anxiety, for had she +not said the very words they had spoken together before? had she not used the +very arguments that he himself had suggested? Susan, on the contrary, looked to +his answer as settling her doom for life; and in the gloom of her eyes you +might have read more despair than hope. +</p> + +<p> +He shuffled his position. He shuffled in his words. +</p> + +<p> +“What is it you ask? My sister has said many things.” +</p> + +<p> +“I ask you,” said Susan, trying to give a crystal clearness both to +her expressions and her pronunciation, “if, knowing as you do how Will is +afflicted, you will help me to take that charge of him which I promised my +mother on her death-bed that I would do; and which means, that I shall keep him +always with me, and do all in my power to make his life happy. If you will do +this, I will be your wife; if not, I remain unwed.” +</p> + +<p> +“But he may get dangerous; he can be but a trouble; his being here is a +pain to you, Susan, not a pleasure.” +</p> + +<p> +“I ask you for either yes or no,” said she, a little contempt at +his evading her question mingling with her tone. He perceived it, and it +nettled him. +</p> + +<p> +“And I have told you. I answered your question the last time I was here. +I said I would ne’er keep house with an idiot; no more I will. So now +you’ve gotten your answer.” +</p> + +<p> +“I have,” said Susan. And she sighed deeply. +</p> + +<p> +“Come, now,” said Mrs. Gale, encouraged by the sigh; “one +would think you don’t love Michael, Susan, to be so stubborn in yielding +to what I’m sure would be best for the lad.” +</p> + +<p> +“Oh! she does not care for me,” said Michael. “I don’t +believe she ever did.” +</p> + +<p> +“Don’t I? Haven’t I?” asked Susan, her eyes blazing out +fire. She left the room directly, and sent Peggy in to make the tea; and +catching at Will, who was lounging about in the kitchen, she went up-stairs +with him and bolted herself in, straining the boy to her heart, and keeping +almost breathless, lest any noise she made might cause him to break out into +the howls and sounds which she could not bear that those below should hear. +</p> + +<p> +A knock at the door. It was Peggy. +</p> + +<p> +“He wants for to see you, to wish you good-bye.” +</p> + +<p> +“I cannot come. Oh, Peggy, send them away.” +</p> + +<p> +It was her only cry for sympathy; and the old servant understood it. She sent +them away, somehow; not politely, as I have been given to understand. +</p> + +<p> +“Good go with them,” said Peggy, as she grimly watched their +retreating figures. “We’re rid of bad rubbish, anyhow.” And +she turned into the house, with the intention of making ready some refreshment +for Susan, after her hard day at the market, and her harder evening. But in the +kitchen, to which she passed through the empty house-place, making a face of +contemptuous dislike at the used tea-cups and fragments of a meal yet standing +there, she found Susan, with her sleeves tucked up and her working apron on, +busied in preparing to make clap-bread, one of the hardest and hottest domestic +tasks of a Daleswoman. She looked up, and first met, and then avoided +Peggy’s eye; it was too full of sympathy. Her own cheeks were flushed, +and her own eyes were dry and burning. +</p> + +<p> +“Where’s the board, Peggy? We need clap-bread; and, I reckon, +I’ve time to get through with it to-night.” Her voice had a sharp, +dry tone in it, and her motions a jerking angularity about them. +</p> + +<p> +Peggy said nothing, but fetched her all that she needed. Susan beat her cakes +thin with vehement force. As she stooped over them, regardless even of the task +in which she seemed so much occupied, she was surprised by a touch on her mouth +of something—what she did not see at first. It was a cup of tea, +delicately sweetened and cooled, and held to her lips, when exactly ready, by +the faithful old woman. Susan held it off a hand’s breath, and looked +into Peggy’s eyes, while her own filled with the strange relief of tears. +</p> + +<p> +“Lass!” said Peggy, solemnly, “thou hast done well. It is not +long to bide, and then the end will come.” +</p> + +<p> +“But you are very old, Peggy,” said Susan, quivering. +</p> + +<p> +“It is but a day sin’ I were young,” replied Peggy; but she +stopped the conversation by again pushing the cup with gentle force to +Susan’s dry and thirsty lips. When she had drunken she fell again to her +labour, Peggy heating the hearth, and doing all that she knew would be +required, but never speaking another word. Willie basked close to the fire, +enjoying the animal luxury of warmth, for the autumn evenings were beginning to +be chilly. It was one o’clock before they thought of going to bed on that +memorable night. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="chap04"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + +<p> +The vehemence with which Susan Dixon threw herself into occupation could not +last for ever. Times of languor and remembrance would come—times when she +recurred with a passionate yearning to bygone days, the recollection of which +was so vivid and delicious, that it seemed as though it were the reality, and +the present bleak bareness the dream. She smiled anew at the magical sweetness +of some touch or tone which in memory she felt and heard, and drank the +delicious cup of poison, although at the very time she knew what the +consequences of racking pain would be. +</p> + +<p> +“This time, last year,” thought she, “we went nutting +together—this very day last year; just such a day as to-day. Purple and +gold were the lights on the hills; the leaves were just turning brown; here and +there on the sunny slopes the stubble-fields looked tawny; down in a cleft of +yon purple slate-rock the beck fell like a silver glancing thread; all just as +it is to-day. And he climbed the slender, swaying nut-trees, and bent the +branches for me to gather; or made a passage through the hazel copses, from +time to time claiming a toll. Who could have thought he loved me so +little?—who?—who?” +</p> + +<p> +Or, as the evening closed in, she would allow herself to imagine that she heard +his coming step, just that she might recall time feeling of exquisite delight +which had passed by without the due and passionate relish at the time. Then she +would wonder how she could have had strength, the cruel, self-piercing +strength, to say what she had done; to stab himself with that stern resolution, +of which the sear would remain till her dying day. It might have been right; +but, as she sickened, she wished she had not instinctively chosen the right. +How luxurious a life haunted by no stern sense of duty must be! And many led +this kind of life; why could not she? O, for one hour again of his sweet +company! If he came now, she would agree to whatever he proposed. +</p> + +<p> +It was a fever of the mind. She passed through it, and came out healthy, if +weak. She was capable once more of taking pleasure in following an unseen guide +through briar and brake. She returned with tenfold affection to her protecting +care of Willie. She acknowledged to herself that he was to be her all-in-all in +life. She made him her constant companion. For his sake, as the real owner of +Yew Nook, and she as his steward and guardian, she began that course of careful +saving, and that love of acquisition, which afterwards gained for her the +reputation of being miserly. She still thought that he might regain a scanty +portion of sense—enough to require some simple pleasures and excitement, +which would cost money. And money should not be wanting. Peggy rather assisted +her in the formation of her parsimonious habits than otherwise; economy was the +order of the district, and a certain degree of respectable avarice the +characteristic of her age. Only Willie was never stinted nor hindered of +anything that the two women thought could give him pleasure, for want of money. +</p> + +<p> +There was one gratification which Susan felt was needed for the restoration of +her mind to its more healthy state, after she had passed through the whirling +fever, when duty was as nothing, and anarchy reigned; a gratification that, +somehow, was to be her last burst of unreasonableness; of which she knew and +recognised pain as the sure consequence. She must see him once +more,—herself unseen. +</p> + +<p> +The week before the Christmas of this memorable year, she went out in the dusk +of the early winter evening, wrapped close in shawl and cloak. She wore her +dark shawl under her cloak, putting it over her head in lieu of a bonnet; for +she knew that she might have to wait long in concealment. Then she tramped over +the wet fell-path, shut in by misty rain for miles and miles, till she came to +the place where he was lodging; a farm-house in Langdale, with a steep, stony +lane leading up to it: this lane was entered by a gate out of the main road, +and by the gate were a few bushes—thorns; but of them the leaves had +fallen, and they offered no concealment: an old wreck of a yew-tree grew among +them, however, and underneath that Susan cowered down, shrouding her face, of +which the colour might betray her, with a corner of her shawl. Long did she +wait; cold and cramped she became, too damp and stiff to change her posture +readily. And after all, he might never come! But, she would wait till daylight, +if need were; and she pulled out a crust, with which she had providently +supplied herself. The rain had ceased,—a dull, still, brooding weather +had succeeded; it was a night to hear distant sounds. She heard horses’ +hoofs striking and splashing in the stones, and in the pools of the road at her +back. Two horses; not well-ridden, or evenly guided, as she could tell. +</p> + +<p> +Michael Hurst and a companion drew near: not tipsy, but not sober. They stopped +at the gate to bid each other a maudlin farewell. Michael stooped forward to +catch the latch with the hook of the stick which he carried; he dropped the +stick, and it fell with one end close to Susan,—indeed, with the +slightest change of posture she could have opened the gate for him. He swore a +great oath, and struck his horse with his closed fist, as if that animal had +been to blame; then he dismounted, opened the gate, and fumbled about for his +stick. When he had found it (Susan had touched the other end) his first use of +it was to flog his horse well, and she had much ado to avoid its kicks and +plunges. Then, still swearing, he staggered up the lane, for it was evident he +was not sober enough to remount. +</p> + +<p> +By daylight Susan was back and at her daily labours at Yew Nook. When the +spring came, Michael Hurst was married to Eleanor Hebthwaite. Others, too, were +married, and christenings made their firesides merry and glad; or they +travelled, and came back after long years with many wondrous tales. More +rarely, perhaps, a Dalesman changed his dwelling. But to all households more +change came than to Yew Nook. There the seasons came round with monotonous +sameness; or, if they brought mutation, it was of a slow, and decaying, and +depressing kind. Old Peggy died. Her silent sympathy, concealed under much +roughness, was a loss to Susan Dixon. Susan was not yet thirty when this +happened, but she looked a middle-aged, not to say an elderly woman. People +affirmed that she had never recovered her complexion since that fever, a dozen +years ago, which killed her father, and left Will Dixon an idiot. But besides +her gray sallowness, the lines in her face were strong, and deep, and hard. The +movements of her eyeballs were slow and heavy; the wrinkles at the corners of +her mouth and eyes were planted firm and sure; not an ounce of unnecessary +flesh was there on her bones—every muscle started strong and ready for +use. She needed all this bodily strength, to a degree that no human creature, +now Peggy was dead, knew of: for Willie had grown up large and strong in body, +and, in general, docile enough in mind; but, every now and then, he became +first moody, and then violent. These paroxysms lasted but a day or two; and it +was Susan’s anxious care to keep their very existence hidden and unknown. +It is true, that occasional passers-by on that lonely road heard sounds at +night of knocking about of furniture, blows, and cries, as of some tearing +demon within the solitary farm-house; but these fits of violence usually +occurred in the night; and whatever had been their consequence, Susan had +tidied and redded up all signs of aught unusual before the morning. For, above +all, she dreaded lest some one might find out in what danger and peril she +occasionally was, and might assume a right to take away her brother from her +care. The one idea of taking charge of him had deepened and deepened with +years. It was graven into her mind as the object for which she lived. The +sacrifice she had made for this object only made it more precious to her. +Besides, she separated the idea of the docile, affectionate, loutish, indolent +Will, and kept it distinct from the terror which the demon that occasionally +possessed him inspired her with. The one was her flesh and her blood—the +child of her dead mother; the other was some fiend who came to torture and +convulse the creature she so loved. She believed that she fought her +brother’s battle in holding down those tearing hands, in binding whenever +she could those uplifted restless arms prompt and prone to do mischief. All the +time she subdued him with her cunning or her strength, she spoke to him in +pitying murmurs, or abused the third person, the fiendish enemy, in no +unmeasured tones. Towards morning the paroxysm was exhausted, and he would fall +asleep, perhaps only to waken with evil and renewed vigour. But when he was +laid down, she would sally out to taste the fresh air, and to work off her wild +sorrow in cries and mutterings to herself. The early labourers saw her gestures +at a distance, and thought her as crazed as the idiot-brother who made the +neighbourhood a haunted place. But did any chance person call at Yew Nook later +on in the day, he would find Susan Dixon cold, calm, collected; her manner +curt, her wits keen. +</p> + +<p> +Once this fit of violence lasted longer than usual. Susan’s strength both +of mind and body was nearly worn out; she wrestled in prayer that somehow it +might end before she, too, was driven mad; or, worse, might be obliged to give +up life’s aim, and consign Willie to a madhouse. From that moment of +prayer (as she afterwards superstitiously thought) Willie calmed—and then +he drooped—and then he sank—and, last of all, he died in reality +from physical exhaustion. +</p> + +<p> +But he was so gentle and tender as he lay on his dying bed; such strange, +child-like gleams of returning intelligence came over his face, long after the +power to make his dull, inarticulate sounds had departed, that Susan was +attracted to him by a stronger tie than she had ever felt before. It was +something to have even an idiot loving her with dumb, wistful, animal +affection; something to have any creature looking at her with such beseeching +eyes, imploring protection from the insidious enemy stealing on. And yet she +knew that to him death was no enemy, but a true friend, restoring light and +health to his poor clouded mind. It was to her that death was an enemy; to her, +the survivor, when Willie died; there was no one to love her. +</p> + +<p> +Worse doom still, there was no one left on earth for her to love. +</p> + +<p> +You now know why no wandering tourist could persuade her to receive him as a +lodger; why no tired traveller could melt her heart to afford him rest and +refreshment; why long habits of seclusion had given her a moroseness of manner, +and how care for the interests of another had rendered her keen and miserly. +</p> + +<p> +But there was a third act in the drama of her life. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2><a name="chap05"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + +<p> +In spite of Peggy’s prophecy that Susan’s life should not seem +long, it did seem wearisome and endless, as the years slowly uncoiled their +monotonous circles. To be sure, she might have made change for herself, but she +did not care to do it. It was, indeed, more than “not caring,” +which merely implies a certain degree of <i>vis inertiæ</i> to be subdued +before an object can be attained, and that the object itself does not seem to +be of sufficient importance to call out the requisite energy. On the contrary, +Susan exerted herself to avoid change and variety. She had a morbid dread of +new faces, which originated in her desire to keep poor dead Willie’s +state a profound secret. She had a contempt for new customs; and, indeed, her +old ways prospered so well under her active hand and vigilant eye, that it was +difficult to know how they could be improved upon. She was regularly present in +Coniston market with the best butter and the earliest chickens of the season. +Those were the common farm produce that every farmer’s wife about had to +sell; but Susan, after she had disposed of the more feminine articles, turned +to on the man’s side. A better judge of a horse or cow there was not in +all the country round. Yorkshire itself might have attempted to jockey her, and +would have failed. Her corn was sound and clean; her potatoes well preserved to +the latest spring. People began to talk of the hoards of money Susan Dixon must +have laid up somewhere; and one young ne’er-do-weel of a farmer’s +son undertook to make love to the woman of forty, who looked fifty-five, if a +day. He made up to her by opening a gate on the road-path home, as she was +riding on a bare-backed horse, her purchase not an hour ago. She was off before +him, refusing his civility; but the remounting was not so easy, and rather than +fail she did not choose to attempt it. She walked, and he walked alongside, +improving his opportunity, which, as he vainly thought, had been consciously +granted to him. As they drew near Yew Nook, he ventured on some expression of a +wish to keep company with her. His words were vague and clumsily arranged. +Susan turned round and coolly asked him to explain himself, he took courage, as +he thought of her reputed wealth, and expressed his wishes this second time +pretty plainly. To his surprise, the reply she made was in a series of smart +strokes across his shoulders, administered through the medium of a supple +hazel-switch. +</p> + +<p> +“Take that!” said she, almost breathless, “to teach thee how +thou darest make a fool of an honest woman old enough to be thy mother. If thou +com’st a step nearer the house, there’s a good horse-pool, and +there’s two stout fellows who’ll like no better fun than ducking +thee. Be off wi’ thee!” +</p> + +<p> +And she strode into her own premises, never looking round to see whether he +obeyed her injunction or not. +</p> + +<p> +Sometimes three or four years would pass over without her hearing Michael +Hurst’s name mentioned. She used to wonder at such times whether he were +dead or alive. She would sit for hours by the dying embers of her fire on a +winter’s evening, trying to recall the scenes of her youth; trying to +bring up living pictures of the faces she had then known—Michael’s +most especially. She thought it was possible, so long had been the lapse of +years, that she might now pass by him in the street unknowing and unknown. His +outward form she might not recognize, but himself she should feel in the thrill +of her whole being. He could not pass her unawares. +</p> + +<p> +What little she did hear about him, all testified a downward tendency. He +drank—not at stated times when there was no other work to be done, but +continually, whether it was seed-time or harvest. His children were all ill at +the same time; then one died, while the others recovered, but were poor sickly +things. No one dared to give Susan any direct intelligence of her former lover; +many avoided all mention of his name in her presence; but a few spoke out +either in indifference to, or ignorance of, those bygone days. Susan heard +every word, every whisper, every sound that related to him. But her eye never +changed, nor did a muscle of her face move. +</p> + +<p> +Late one November night she sat over her fire; not a human being besides +herself in the house; none but she had ever slept there since Willie’s +death. The farm-labourers had foddered the cattle and gone home hours before. +There were crickets chirping all round the warm hearth-stones; there was the +clock ticking with the peculiar beat Susan had known from her childhood, and +which then and ever since she had oddly associated within the idea of a mother +and child talking together, one loud tick, and quick—a feeble, sharp one +following. +</p> + +<p> +The day had been keen, and piercingly cold. The whole lift of heaven seemed a +dome of iron. Black and frost-bound was the earth under the cruel east wind. +Now the wind had dropped, and as the darkness had gathered in, the weather-wise +old labourers prophesied snow. The sounds in the air arose again, as Susan sat +still and silent. They were of a different character to what they had been +during the prevalence of the east wind. Then they had been shrill and piping; +now they were like low distant growling; not unmusical, but strangely +threatening. Susan went to the window, and drew aside the little curtain. The +whole world was white—the air was blinded with the swift and heavy fall +of snow. At present it came down straight, but Susan knew those distant sounds +in the hollows and gulleys of the hills portended a driving wind and a more +cruel storm. She thought of her sheep; were they all folded? the new-born calf, +was it bedded well? Before the drifts were formed too deep for her to pass in +and out—and by the morning she judged that they would be six or seven +feet deep—she would go out and see after the comfort of her beasts. She +took a lantern, and tied a shawl over her head, and went out into the open air. +She had tenderly provided for all her animals, and was returning, when, borne +on the blast as if some spirit-cry—for it seemed to come rather down from +the skies than from any creature standing on earth’s level—she +heard a voice of agony; she could not distinguish words; it seemed rather as if +some bird of prey was being caught in the whirl of the icy wind, and torn and +tortured by its violence. Again up high above! Susan put down her lantern, and +shouted loud in return; it was an instinct, for if the creature were not human, +which she had doubted but a moment before, what good could her responding cry +do? And her cry was seized on by the tyrannous wind, and borne farther away in +the opposite direction to that from which the call of agony had proceeded. +Again she listened; no sound: then again it rang through space; and this time +she was sure it was human. She turned into the house, and heaped turf and wood +on the fire, which, careless of her own sensations, she had allowed to fade and +almost die out. She put a new candle in her lantern; she changed her shawl for +a maud, and leaving the door on latch, she sallied out. Just at the moment when +her ear first encountered the weird noises of the storm, on issuing forth into +the open air, she thought she heard the words, “O God! O help!” +They were a guide to her, if words they were, for they came straight from a +rock not a quarter of a mile from Yew Nook, but only to be reached, on account +of its precipitous character, by a round-about path. Thither she steered, +defying wind and snow; guided by here a thorn-tree, there an old, doddered oak, +which had not quite lest their identity under the whelming mask of snow. Now +and then she stopped to listen; but never a word or sound heard she, till right +from where the copse-wood grew thick and tangled at the base of the rock, round +which she was winding, she heard a moan. Into the brake—all snow in +appearance—almost a plain of snow looked on from the little eminence +where she stood—she plunged, breaking down the bush, stumbling, bruising +herself, fighting her way; her lantern held between her teeth, and she herself +using head as well as hands to butt away a passage, at whatever cost of bodily +injury. As she climbed or staggered, owing to the unevenness of the +snow-covered ground, where the briars and weeds of years were tangled and +matted together, her foot felt something strangely soft and yielding. She +lowered her lantern; there lay a man, prone on his face, nearly covered by the +fast-falling flakes; he must have fallen from the rock above, as, not knowing +of the circuitous path, he had tried to descend its steep, slippery face. Who +could tell? it was no time for thinking. Susan lifted him up with her wiry +strength; he gave no help—no sign of life; but for all that he might be +alive: he was still warm; she tied her maud round him; she fastened the lantern +to her apron-string; she held him tight: half-carrying, +half-dragging—what did a few bruises signify to him, compared to dear +life, to precious life! She got him through the brake, and down the path. +There, for an instant, she stopped to take breath; but, as if stung by the +Furies, she pushed on again with almost superhuman strength. Clasping him round +the waist, and leaning his dead weight against the lintel of the door, she +tried to undo the latch; but now, just at this moment, a trembling faintness +came over her, and a fearful dread took possession of her—that here, on +the very threshold of her home, she might be found dead, and buried under the +snow, when the farm-servants came in the morning. This terror stirred her up to +one more effort. Then she and her companion were in the warmth of the quiet +haven of that kitchen; she laid him on the settle, and sank on the floor by his +side. How long she remained in this swoon she could not tell; not very long she +judged by the fire, which was still red and sullenly glowing when she came to +herself. She lighted the candle, and bent over her late burden to ascertain if +indeed he were dead. She stood long gazing. The man lay dead. There could be no +doubt about it. His filmy eyes glared at her, unshut. But Susan was not one to +be affrighted by the stony aspect of death. It was not that; it was the bitter, +woeful recognition of Michael Hurst! +</p> + +<p> +She was convinced he was dead; but after a while she refused to believe in her +conviction. She stripped off his wet outer-garments with trembling, hurried +hands. She brought a blanket down from her own bed; she made up the fire. She +swathed him in fresh, warm wrappings, and laid him on the flags before the +fire, sitting herself at his head, and holding it in her lap, while she +tenderly wiped his loose, wet hair, curly still, although its colour had +changed from nut-brown to iron-gray since she had seen it last. From time to +time she bent over the face afresh, sick, and fain to believe that the flicker +of the fire-light was some slight convulsive motion. But the dim, staring eyes +struck chill to her heart. At last she ceased her delicate, busy cares: but she +still held the head softly, as if caressing it. She thought over all the +possibilities and chances in the mingled yarn of their lives that might, by so +slight a turn, have ended far otherwise. If her mother’s cold had been +early tended, so that the responsibility as to her brother’s weal or woe +had not fallen upon her; if the fever had not taken such rough, cruel hold on +Will; nay, if Mrs. Gale, that hard, worldly sister, had not accompanied him on +his last visit to Yew Nook—his very last before this fatal, stormy might; +if she had heard his cry,—cry uttered by these pale, dead lips with such +wild, despairing agony, not yet three hours ago!—O! if she had but heard +it sooner, he might have been saved before that blind, false step had +precipitated him down the rock! In going over this weary chain of unrealized +possibilities, Susan learnt the force of Peggy’s words. Life was short, +looking back upon it. It seemed but yesterday since all the love of her being +had been poured out, and run to waste. The intervening years—the long +monotonous years that had turned her into an old woman before her +time—were but a dream. +</p> + +<p> +The labourers coming in the dawn of the winter’s day were surprised to +see the fire-light through the low kitchen-window. They knocked, and hearing a +moaning answer, they entered, fearing that something had befallen their +mistress. For all explanation they got these words +</p> + +<p> +“It is Michael Hurst. He was belated, and fell down the Raven’s +Crag. Where does Eleanor, his wife, live?” +</p> + +<p> +How Michael Hurst got to Yew Nook no one but Susan ever knew. They thought he +had dragged himself there, with some sore internal bruise sapping away his +minuted life. They could not have believed the superhuman exertion which had +first sought him out, and then dragged him hither. Only Susan knew of that. +</p> + +<p> +She gave him into the charge of her servants, and went out and saddled her +horse. Where the wind had drifted the snow on one side, and the road was clear +and bare, she rode, and rode fast; where the soft, deceitful heaps were massed +up, she dismounted and led her steed, plunging in deep, with fierce energy, the +pain at her heart urging her onwards with a sharp, digging spur. +</p> + +<p> +The gray, solemn, winter’s noon was more night-like than the depth of +summer’s night; dim-purple brooded the low skies over the white earth, as +Susan rode up to what had been Michael Hurst’s abode while living. It was +a small farm-house carelessly kept outside, slatternly tended within. The +pretty Nelly Hebthwaite was pretty still; her delicate face had never suffered +from any long-enduring feeling. If anything, its expression was that of +plaintive sorrow; but the soft, light hair had scarcely a tinge of gray; the +wood-rose tint of complexion yet remained, if not so brilliant as in youth; the +straight nose, the small mouth were untouched by time. Susan felt the contrast +even at that moment. She knew that her own skin was weather-beaten, furrowed, +brown,—that her teeth were gone, and her hair gray and ragged. And yet +she was not two years older than Nelly,—she had not been, in youth, when +she took account of these things. Nelly stood wondering at the strange-enough +horse-woman, who stopped and panted at the door, holding her horse’s +bridle, and refusing to enter. +</p> + +<p> +“Where is Michael Hurst?” asked Susan, at last. +</p> + +<p> +“Well, I can’t rightly say. He should have been at home last night, +but he was off, seeing after a public-house to be let at Ulverstone, for our +farm does not answer, and we were thinking—” +</p> + +<p> +“He did not come home last night?” said Susan, cutting short the +story, and half-affirming, half-questioning, by way of letting in a ray of the +awful light before she let it full in, in its consuming wrath. +</p> + +<p> +“No! he’ll be stopping somewhere out Ulverstone ways. I’m +sure we’ve need of him at home, for I’ve no one but lile Tommy to +help me tend the beasts. Things have not gone well with us, and we don’t +keep a servant now. But you’re trembling all over, ma’am. +You’d better come in, and take something warm, while your horse rests. +That’s the stable-door, to your left.” +</p> + +<p> +Susan took her horse there; loosened his girths, and rubbed him down with a +wisp of straw. Then she hooked about her for hay; but the place was bare of +feed, and smelt damp and unused. She went to the house, thankful for the +respite, and got some clap-bread, which she mashed up in a pailful of lukewarm +water. Every moment was a respite, and yet every moment made her dread the more +the task that lay before her. It would be longer than she thought at first. She +took the saddle off, and hung about her horse, which seemed, somehow, more like +a friend than anything else in the world. She laid her cheek against its neck, +and rested there, before returning to the house for the last time. +</p> + +<p> +Eleanor had brought down one of her own gowns, which hung on a chair against +the fire, and had made her unknown visitor a cup of hot tea. Susan could hardly +bear all these little attentions: they choked her, and yet she was so wet, so +weak with fatigue and excitement, that she could neither resist by voice or by +action. Two children stood awkwardly about, puzzled at the scene, and even +Eleanor began to wish for some explanation of who her strange visitor was. +</p> + +<p> +“You’ve, maybe, heard him speaking of me? I’m called Susan +Dixon.” +</p> + +<p> +Nelly coloured, and avoided meeting Susan’s eye. +</p> + +<p> +“I’ve heard other folk speak of you. He never named your +name.” +</p> + +<p> +This respect of silence came like balm to Susan: balm not felt or heeded at the +time it was applied, but very grateful in its effects for all that. +</p> + +<p> +“He is at my house,” continued Susan, determined not to stop or +quaver in the operation—the pain which must be inflicted. +</p> + +<p> +“At your house? Yew Nook?” questioned Eleanor, surprised. +“How came he there?”—half jealously. “Did he take +shelter from the coming storm? Tell me,—there is something—tell me, +woman!” +</p> + +<p> +“He took no shelter. Would to God he had!” +</p> + +<p> +“O! would to God! would to God!” shrieked out Eleanor, learning all +from the woful import of those dreary eyes. Her cries thrilled through the +house; the children’s piping wailings and passionate cries on +“Daddy! Daddy!” pierced into Susan’s very marrow. But she +remained as still and tearless as the great round face upon the clock. +</p> + +<p> +At last, in a lull of crying, she said,—not exactly questioning, but as +if partly to herself— +</p> + +<p> +“You loved him, then?” +</p> + +<p> +“Loved him! he was my husband! He was the father of three bonny bairns +that lie dead in Grasmere churchyard. I wish you’d go, Susan Dixon, and +let me weep without your watching me! I wish you’d never come near the +place.” +</p> + +<p> +“Alas! alas! it would not have brought him to life. I would have laid +down my own to save his. My life has been so very sad! No one would have cared +if I had died. Alas! alas!” +</p> + +<p> +The tone in which she said this was so utterly mournful and despairing that it +awed Nelly into quiet for a time. But by-and-by she said, “I would not +turn a dog out to do it harm; but the night is clear, and Tommy shall guide you +to the Red Cow. But, oh, I want to be alone! If you’ll come back +to-morrow, I’ll be better, and I’ll hear all, and thank you for +every kindness you have shown him,—and I do believe you’ve showed +him kindness,—though I don’t know why.” +</p> + +<p> +Susan moved heavily and strangely. +</p> + +<p> +She said something—her words came thick and unintelligible. She had had a +paralytic stroke since she had last spoken. She could not go, even if she +would. Nor did Eleanor, when she became aware of the state of the case, wish +her to leave. She had her laid on her own bed, and weeping silently all the +while for her last husband, she nursed Susan like a sister. She did not know +what her guest’s worldly position might be; and she might never be +repaid. But she sold many a little trifle to purchase such small comforts as +Susan needed. Susan, lying still and motionless, learnt much. It was not a +severe stroke; it might be the forerunner of others yet to come, but at some +distance of time. But for the present she recovered, and regained much of her +former health. On her sick-bed she matured her plans. When she returned to Yew +Nook, she took Michael Hurst’s widow and children with her to live there, +and fill up the haunted hearth with living forms that should banish the ghosts. +</p> + +<p> +And so it fell out that the latter days of Susan Dixon’s life were better +than the former. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div style='display:block;margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HALF A LIFE-TIME AGO ***</div> +<div style='display:block;margin:1em 0;'>This file should be named 2547-h.htm or 2547-h.zip</div> +<div style='display:block;margin:1em 0;'>This and all associated files of various formats will be found in https://www.gutenberg.org/2/5/4/2547/</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will +be renamed. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part +of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project +Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ +concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, +and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following +the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use +of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for +copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very +easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation +of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project +Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away--you may +do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected +by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark +license, especially commercial redistribution. +</div> + +<div style='margin:0.83em 0; font-size:1.1em; text-align:center'>START: FULL LICENSE<br /> +<span style='font-size:smaller'>THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE<br /> +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK</span> +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project +Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full +Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at +www.gutenberg.org/license. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or +destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your +possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a +Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound +by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person +or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this +agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ +electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the +Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection +of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual +works in the collection are in the public domain in the United +States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the +United States and you are located in the United States, we do not +claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, +displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as +all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope +that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting +free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ +works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the +Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily +comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the +same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when +you share it without charge with others. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are +in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, +check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this +agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, +distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any +other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no +representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any +country other than the United States. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other +immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear +prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work +on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the +phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, +performed, viewed, copied or distributed: +</div> + +<blockquote> + <div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> + This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most + other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions + whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms + of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online + at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you + are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws + of the country where you are located before using this eBook. + </div> +</blockquote> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is +derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not +contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the +copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in +the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are +redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project +Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply +either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or +obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ +trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any +additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms +will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works +posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the +beginning of this work. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg™ License. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including +any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access +to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format +other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official +version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website +(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense +to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means +of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain +Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the +full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works +provided that: +</div> + +<div style='margin-left:0.7em;'> + <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> + • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed + to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has + agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project + Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid + within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are + legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty + payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project + Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in + Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg + Literary Archive Foundation.” + </div> + + <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> + • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ + License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all + copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue + all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ + works. + </div> + + <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> + • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of + any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of + receipt of the work. + </div> + + <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'> + • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works. + </div> +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project +Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than +are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing +from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of +the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set +forth in Section 3 below. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project +Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ +electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may +contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate +or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or +other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or +cannot be read by your equipment. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right +of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium +with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you +with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in +lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person +or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second +opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If +the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing +without further opportunities to fix the problem. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO +OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of +damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement +violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the +agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or +limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or +unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the +remaining provisions. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in +accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the +production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ +electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, +including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of +the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this +or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or +additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any +Defect you cause. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™ +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of +computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It +exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations +from people in all walks of life. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future +generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see +Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by +U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, +Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up +to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website +and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact +</div> + +<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread +public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND +DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state +visit <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/donate/">www.gutenberg.org/donate</a>. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To +donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate +</div> + +<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'> +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project +Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be +freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and +distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of +volunteer support. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in +the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not +necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper +edition. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Most people start at our website which has the main PG search +facility: <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. +</div> + +</body> + +</html> + + diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1c6aa3e --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #2547 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2547) diff --git a/old/hlflf10.txt b/old/hlflf10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8d1af34 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/hlflf10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2095 @@ +Project Gutenberg Etext Half a Life-Time Ago, by Elizabeth Gaskell + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. We need your donations. + + +Title: Half a Life-Time Ago + +Author: Elizabeth Gaskell + +March, 2001 [Etext #2547] + + +Project Gutenberg Etext Half a Life-Time Ago, by Elizabeth Gaskell +*******This file should be named hlflf10.txt or hlflf10.zip******* + +Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, hlflf11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, hlflf10a.txt + + +This etext was prepared by David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk +from the 1896 "Lizzie Leigh and Other Tales" Macmillan and Co. edition. + +Project Gutenberg Etexts are usually created from multiple editions, +all of which are in the Public Domain in the United States, unless a +copyright notice is included. Therefore, we usually do NOT keep any +of these books in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +We are now trying to release all our books one month in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. + +Please note: neither this list nor its contents are final till +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. To be sure you have an +up to date first edition [xxxxx10x.xxx] please check file sizes +in the first week of the next month. Since our ftp program has +a bug in it that scrambles the date [tried to fix and failed] a +look at the file size will have to do, but we will try to see a +new copy has at least one byte more or less. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. This +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If our value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour this year as we release thirty-six text +files per month, or 432 more Etexts in 1999 for a total of 2000+ +If these reach just 10% of the computerized population, then the +total should reach over 200 billion Etexts given away this year. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext +Files by December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000 = 1 Trillion] +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only ~5% of the present number of computer users. + +At our revised rates of production, we will reach only one-third +of that goal by the end of 2001, or about 3,333 Etexts unless we +manage to get some real funding; currently our funding is mostly +from Michael Hart's salary at Carnegie-Mellon University, and an +assortment of sporadic gifts; this salary is only good for a few +more years, so we are looking for something to replace it, as we +don't want Project Gutenberg to be so dependent on one person. + +We need your donations more than ever! + + +All donations should be made to "Project Gutenberg/CMU": and are +tax deductible to the extent allowable by law. (CMU = Carnegie- +Mellon University). + +For these and other matters, please mail to: + +Project Gutenberg +P. O. Box 2782 +Champaign, IL 61825 + +When all other email fails. . .try our Executive Director: +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> +hart@pobox.com forwards to hart@prairienet.org and archive.org +if your mail bounces from archive.org, I will still see it, if +it bounces from prairienet.org, better resend later on. . . . + +We would prefer to send you this information by email. + +****** + +To access Project Gutenberg etexts, use any Web browser +to view http://promo.net/pg. This site lists Etexts by +author and by title, and includes information about how +to get involved with Project Gutenberg. You could also +download our past Newsletters, or subscribe here. This +is one of our major sites, please email hart@pobox.com, +for a more complete list of our various sites. + +To go directly to the etext collections, use FTP or any +Web browser to visit a Project Gutenberg mirror (mirror +sites are available on 7 continents; mirrors are listed +at http://promo.net/pg). + +Mac users, do NOT point and click, typing works better. + +Example FTP session: + +ftp metalab.unc.edu +login: anonymous +password: your@login +cd pub/docs/books/gutenberg +cd etext90 through etext99 etext00 and etext01 +dir [to see files] +get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files] +GET GUTINDEX.?? [to get a year's listing of books, e.g., GUTINDEX.99] +GET GUTINDEX.ALL [to get a listing of ALL books] + +*** + +**Information prepared by the Project Gutenberg legal advisor** + +(Three Pages) + + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you can distribute copies of this etext if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG- +tm etexts, is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor +Michael S. Hart through the Project Gutenberg Association at +Carnegie-Mellon University (the "Project"). Among other +things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext +under the Project's "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] the Project (and any other party you may receive this +etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold the Project, its directors, +officers, members and agents harmless from all liability, cost +and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or +indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause: +[1] distribution of this etext, [2] alteration, modification, +or addition to the etext, or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word pro- + cessing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the etext (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the + net profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Association/Carnegie-Mellon + University" within the 60 days following each + date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare) + your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax return. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time, +scanning machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty +free copyright licenses, and every other sort of contribution +you can think of. Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg +Association / Carnegie-Mellon University". + +We are planning on making some changes in our donation structure +in 2000, so you might want to email me, hart@pobox.com beforehand. + + + + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +This etext was prepared by David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk +from the 1896 "Lizzie Leigh and Other Tales" Macmillan and Co. edition. + + + + + +HALF A LIFE-TIME AGO. + +by Elizabeth Gaskell + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + + +Half a life-time ago, there lived in one of the Westmoreland dales a +single woman, of the name of Susan Dixon. She was owner of the small +farm-house where she resided, and of some thirty or forty acres of +land by which it was surrounded. She had also an hereditary right to +a sheep-walk, extending to the wild fells that overhang Blea Tarn. +In the language of the country she was a Stateswoman. Her house is +yet to be seen on the Oxenfell road, between Skelwith and Coniston. +You go along a moorland track, made by the carts that occasionally +came for turf from the Oxenfell. A brook babbles and brattles by the +wayside, giving you a sense of companionship, which relieves the deep +solitude in which this way is usually traversed. Some miles on this +side of Coniston there is a farmstead--a gray stone house, and a +square of farm-buildings surrounding a green space of rough turf, in +the midst of which stands a mighty, funereal umbrageous yew, making a +solemn shadow, as of death, in the very heart and centre of the light +and heat of the brightest summer day. On the side away from the +house, this yard slopes down to a dark-brown pool, which is supplied +with fresh water from the overflowings of a stone cistern, into which +some rivulet of the brook before-mentioned continually and +melodiously falls bubbling. The cattle drink out of this cistern. +The household bring their pitchers and fill them with drinking-water +by a dilatory, yet pretty, process. The water-carrier brings with +her a leaf of the hound's-tongue fern, and, inserting it in the +crevice of the gray rock, makes a cool, green spout for the sparkling +stream. + +The house is no specimen, at the present day, of what it was in the +lifetime of Susan Dixon. Then, every small diamond pane in the +windows glittered with cleanliness. You might have eaten off the +floor; you could see yourself in the pewter plates and the polished +oaken awmry, or dresser, of the state kitchen into which you entered. +Few strangers penetrated further than this room. Once or twice, +wandering tourists, attracted by the lonely picturesqueness of the +situation, and the exquisite cleanliness of the house itself, made +their way into this house-place, and offered money enough (as they +thought) to tempt the hostess to receive them as lodgers. They would +give no trouble, they said; they would be out rambling or sketching +all day long; would be perfectly content with a share of the food +which she provided for herself; or would procure what they required +from the Waterhead Inn at Coniston. But no liberal sum--no fair +words--moved her from her stony manner, or her monotonous tone of +indifferent refusal. No persuasion could induce her to show any more +of the house than that first room; no appearance of fatigue procured +for the weary an invitation to sit down and rest; and if one more +bold and less delicate did so without being asked, Susan stood by, +cold and apparently deaf, or only replying by the briefest +monosyllables, till the unwelcome visitor had departed. Yet those +with whom she had dealings, in the way of selling her cattle or her +farm produce, spoke of her as keen after a bargain--a hard one to +have to do with; and she never spared herself exertion or fatigue, at +market or in the field, to make the most of her produce. She led the +hay-makers with her swift, steady rake, and her noiseless evenness of +motion. She was about among the earliest in the market, examining +samples of oats, pricing them, and then turning with grim +satisfaction to her own cleaner corn. + +She was served faithfully and long by those who were rather her +fellow-labourers than her servants. She was even and just in her +dealings with them. If she was peculiar and silent, they knew her, +and knew that she might be relied on. Some of them had known her +from her childhood; and deep in their hearts was an unspoken--almost +unconscious--pity for her, for they knew her story, though they never +spoke of it. + +Yes; the time had been when that tall, gaunt, hard-featured, angular +woman--who never smiled, and hardly ever spoke an unnecessary word-- +had been a fine-looking girl, bright-spirited and rosy; and when the +hearth at the Yew Nook had been as bright as she, with family love +and youthful hope and mirth. Fifty or fifty-one years ago, William +Dixon and his wife Margaret were alive; and Susan, their daughter, +was about eighteen years old--ten years older than the only other +child, a boy named after his father. William and Margaret Dixon were +rather superior people, of a character belonging--as far as I have +seen--exclusively to the class of Westmoreland and Cumberland +statesmen--just, independent, upright; not given to much speaking; +kind-hearted, but not demonstrative; disliking change, and new ways, +and new people; sensible and shrewd; each household self-contained, +and its members having little curiosity as to their neighbours, with +whom they rarely met for any social intercourse, save at the stated +times of sheep-shearing and Christmas; having a certain kind of sober +pleasure in amassing money, which occasionally made them miserable +(as they call miserly people up in the north) in their old age; +reading no light or ephemeral literature, but the grave, solid books +brought round by the pedlars (such as the "Paradise Lost" and +"Regained,'" "The Death of Abel," "The Spiritual Quixote," and "The +Pilgrim's Progress"), were to be found in nearly every house: the +men occasionally going off laking, i.e. playing, i.e. drinking for +days together, and having to be hunted up by anxious wives, who dared +not leave their husbands to the chances of the wild precipitous +roads, but walked miles and miles, lantern in hand, in the dead of +night, to discover and guide the solemnly-drunken husband home; who +had a dreadful headache the next day, and the day after that came +forth as grave, and sober, and virtuous looking as if there were no +such thing as malt and spirituous liquors in the world; and who were +seldom reminded of their misdoings by their wives, to whom such +occasional outbreaks were as things of course, when once the +immediate anxiety produced by them was over. Such were--such are-- +the characteristics of a class now passing away from the face of the +land, as their compeers, the yeomen, have done before them. Of such +was William Dixon. He was a shrewd clever farmer, in his day and +generation, when shrewdness was rather shown in the breeding and +rearing of sheep and cattle than in the cultivation of land. Owing +to this character of his, statesmen from a distance from beyond +Kendal, or from Borrowdale, of greater wealth than he, would send +their sons to be farm-servants for a year or two with him, in order +to learn some of his methods before setting up on land of their own. +When Susan, his daughter, was about seventeen, one Michael Hurst was +farm-servant at Yew Nook. He worked with the master, and lived with +the family, and was in all respects treated as an equal, except in +the field. His father was a wealthy statesman at Wythburne, up +beyond Grasmere; and through Michael's servitude the families had +become acquainted, and the Dixons went over to the High Beck sheep- +shearing, and the Hursts came down by Red Bank and Loughrig Tarn and +across the Oxenfell when there was the Christmas-tide feasting at Yew +Nook. The fathers strolled round the fields together, examined +cattle and sheep, and looked knowing over each other's horses. The +mothers inspected the dairies and household arrangements, each openly +admiring the plans of the other, but secretly preferring their own. +Both fathers and mothers cast a glance from time to time at Michael +and Susan, who were thinking of nothing less than farm or dairy, but +whose unspoken attachment was, in all ways, so suitable and natural a +thing that each parent rejoiced over it, although with characteristic +reserve it was never spoken about--not even between husband and wife. + +Susan had been a strong, independent, healthy girl; a clever help to +her mother, and a spirited companion to her father; more of a man in +her (as he often said) than her delicate little brother ever would +have. He was his mother's darling, although she loved Susan well. +There was no positive engagement between Michael and Susan--I doubt +whether even plain words of love had been spoken; when one winter- +time Margaret Dixon was seized with inflammation consequent upon a +neglected cold. She had always been strong and notable, and had been +too busy to attend to the early symptoms of illness. It would go +off, she said to the woman who helped in the kitchen; or if she did +not feel better when they had got the hams and bacon out of hand, she +would take some herb-tea and nurse up a bit. But Death could not +wait till the hams and bacon were cured: he came on with rapid +strides, and shooting arrows of portentous agony. Susan had never +seen illness--never knew how much she loved her mother till now, when +she felt a dreadful, instinctive certainty that she was losing her. +Her mind was thronged with recollections of the many times she had +slighted her mother's wishes; her heart was full of the echoes of +careless and angry replies that she had spoken. What would she not +now give to have opportunities of service and obedience, and trials +of her patience and love, for that dear mother who lay gasping in +torture! And yet Susan had been a good girl and an affectionate +daughter. + +The sharp pain went off, and delicious ease came on; yet still her +mother sunk. In the midst of this languid peace she was dying. She +motioned Susan to her bedside, for she could only whisper; and then, +while the father was out of the room, she spoke as much to the eager, +hungering eyes of her daughter by the motion of her lips, as by the +slow, feeble sounds of her voice. + +"Susan, lass, thou must not fret. It is God's will, and thou wilt +have a deal to do. Keep father straight if thou canst; and if he +goes out Ulverstone ways, see that thou meet him before he gets to +the Old Quarry. It's a dree bit for a man who has had a drop. As +for lile Will"--Here the poor woman's face began to work and her +fingers to move nervously as they lay on the bed-quilt--"lile Will +will miss me most of all. Father's often vexed with him because he's +not a quick strong lad; he is not, my poor lile chap. And father +thinks he's saucy, because he cannot always stomach oat-cake and +porridge. There's better than three pound in th' old black tea-pot +on the top shelf of the cupboard. Just keep a piece of loaf-bread by +you, Susan dear, for Will to come to when he's not taken his +breakfast. I have, may be, spoilt him; but there'll be no one to +spoil him now." + +She began to cry a low, feeble cry, and covered up her face that +Susan might not see her. That dear face! those precious moments +while yet the eyes could look out with love and intelligence. Susan +laid her head down close by her mother's ear. + +"Mother I'll take tent of Will. Mother, do you hear? He shall not +want ought I can give or get for him, least of all the kind words +which you had ever ready for us both. Bless you! bless you! my own +mother." + +"Thou'lt promise me that, Susan, wilt thou? I can die easy if +thou'lt take charge of him. But he's hardly like other folk; he +tries father at times, though I think father'll be tender of him when +I'm gone, for my sake. And, Susan, there's one thing more. I never +spoke on it for fear of the bairn being called a tell-tale, but I +just comforted him up. He vexes Michael at times, and Michael has +struck him before now. I did not want to make a stir; but he's not +strong, and a word from thee, Susan, will go a long way with +Michael." + +Susan was as red now as she had been pale before; it was the first +time that her influence over Michael had been openly acknowledged by +a third person, and a flash of joy came athwart the solemn sadness of +the moment. Her mother had spoken too much, and now came on the +miserable faintness. She never spoke again coherently; but when her +children and her husband stood by her bedside, she took lile Will's +hand and put it into Susan's, and looked at her with imploring eyes. +Susan clasped her arms round Will, and leaned her head upon his +little curly one, and vowed within herself to be as a mother to him. + +Henceforward she was all in all to her brother. She was a more +spirited and amusing companion to him than his mother had been, from +her greater activity, and perhaps, also, from her originality of +character, which often prompted her to perform her habitual actions +in some new and racy manner. She was tender to lile Will when she +was prompt and sharp with everybody else--with Michael most of all; +for somehow the girl felt that, unprotected by her mother, she must +keep up her own dignity, and not allow her lover to see how strong a +hold he had upon her heart. He called her hard and cruel, and left +her so; and she smiled softly to herself, when his back was turned, +to think how little he guessed how deeply he was loved. For Susan +was merely comely and fine looking; Michael was strikingly handsome, +admired by all the girls for miles round, and quite enough of a +country coxcomb to know it and plume himself accordingly. He was the +second son of his father; the eldest would have High Beck farm, of +course, but there was a good penny in the Kendal bank in store for +Michael. When harvest was over, he went to Chapel Langdale to learn +to dance; and at night, in his merry moods, he would do his steps on +the flag floor of the Yew Nook kitchen, to the secret admiration of +Susan, who had never learned dancing, but who flouted him +perpetually, even while she admired, in accordance with the rule she +seemed to have made for herself about keeping him at a distance so +long as he lived under the same roof with her. One evening he sulked +at some saucy remark of hers; he sitting in the chimney corner with +his arms on his knees, and his head bent forwards, lazily gazing into +the wood-fire on the hearth, and luxuriating in rest after a hard +day's labour; she sitting among the geraniums on the long, low +window-seat, trying to catch the last slanting rays of the autumnal +light to enable her to finish stitching a shirt-collar for Will, who +lounged full length on the flags at the other side of the hearth to +Michael, poking the burning wood from time to time with a long hazel- +stick to bring out the leap of glittering sparks. + +"And if you can dance a threesome reel, what good does it do ye?" +asked Susan, looking askance at Michael, who had just been vaunting +his proficiency. "Does it help you plough, reap, or even climb the +rocks to take a raven's nest? If I were a man, I'd be ashamed to +give in to such softness." + +"If you were a man, you'd be glad to do anything which made the +pretty girls stand round and admire." + +"As they do to you, eh! Ho, Michael, that would not be my way o' +being a man!" + +"What would then?" asked he, after a pause, during which he had +expected in vain that she would go on with her sentence. No answer. + +"I should not like you as a man, Susy; you'd be too hard and +headstrong." + +"Am I hard and headstrong?" asked she, with as indifferent a tone as +she could assume, but which yet had a touch of pique in it. His +quick ear detected the inflexion. + +"No, Susy! You're wilful at times, and that's right enough. I don't +like a girl without spirit. There's a mighty pretty girl comes to +the dancing class; but she is all milk and water. Her eyes never +flash like yours when you're put out; why, I can see them flame +across the kitchen like a cat's in the dark. Now, if you were a man, +I should feel queer before those looks of yours; as it is, I rather +like them, because--" + +"Because what?" asked she, looking up and perceiving that he had +stolen close up to her. + +"Because I can make all right in this way," said he, kissing her +suddenly. + +"Can you?" said she, wrenching herself out of his grasp and panting, +half with rage. "Take that, by way of proof that making right is +none so easy." And she boxed his ears pretty sharply. He went back +to his seat discomfited and out of temper. She could no longer see +to look, even if her face had not burnt and her eyes dazzled, but she +did not choose to move her seat, so she still preserved her stooping +attitude and pretended to go on sewing. + +"Eleanor Hebthwaite may be milk-and-water," muttered he, "but-- +Confound thee, lad! what art thou doing?" exclaimed Michael, as a +great piece of burning wood was cast into his face by an unlucky poke +of Will's. "Thou great lounging, clumsy chap, I'll teach thee +better!" and with one or two good round kicks he sent the lad +whimpering away into the back-kitchen. When he had a little +recovered himself from his passion, he saw Susan standing before him, +her face looking strange and almost ghastly by the reversed position +of the shadows, arising from the firelight shining upwards right +under it. + +"I tell thee what, Michael," said she, "that lad's motherless, but +not friendless." + +"His own father leathers him, and why should not I, when he's given +me such a burn on my face?" said Michael, putting up his hand to his +cheek as if in pain. + +"His father's his father, and there is nought more to be said. But +if he did burn thee, it was by accident, and not o' purpose; as thou +kicked him, it's a mercy if his ribs are not broken." + +"He howls loud enough, I'm sure. I might ha' kicked many a lad twice +as hard, and they'd ne'er ha' said ought but 'damn ye;' but yon lad +must needs cry out like a stuck pig if one touches him;" replied +Michael, sullenly. + +Susan went back to the window-seat, and looked absently out of the +window at the drifting clouds for a minute or two, while her eyes +filled with tears. Then she got up and made for the outer door which +led into the back-kitchen. Before she reached it, however, she heard +a low voice, whose music made her thrill, say - + +"Susan, Susan!" + +Her heart melted within her, but it seemed like treachery to her poor +boy, like faithlessness to her dead mother, to turn to her lover +while the tears which he had caused to flow were yet unwiped on +Will's cheeks. So she seemed to take no heed, but passed into the +darkness, and, guided by the sobs, she found her way to where Willie +sat crouched among the disused tubs and churns. + +"Come out wi' me, lad;" and they went out into the orchard, where the +fruit-trees were bare of leaves, but ghastly in their tattered +covering of gray moss: and the soughing November wind came with long +sweeps over the fells till it rattled among the crackling boughs, +underneath which the brother and sister sat in the dark; he in her +lap, and she hushing his head against her shoulder. + +"Thou should'st na' play wi' fire. It's a naughty trick. Thoul't +suffer for it in worse ways nor this before thou'st done, I'm +afeared. I should ha' hit thee twice as lungeous kicks as Mike, if +I'd been in his place. He did na' hurt thee, I am sure," she +assumed, half as a question. + +"Yes but he did. He turned me quite sick." And he let his head fall +languidly down on his sister's breast. + +"Come, lad! come, lad!" said she anxiously. "Be a man. It was not +much that I saw. Why, when first the red cow came she kicked me far +harder for offering to milk her before her legs were tied. See thee! +here's a peppermint-drop, and I'll make thee a pasty to-night; only +don't give way so, for it hurts me sore to think that Michael has +done thee any harm, my pretty." + +Willie roused himself up, and put back the wet and ruffled hair from +his heated face; and he and Susan rose up, and hand-in-hand went +towards the house, walking slowly and quietly except for a kind of +sob which Willie could not repress. Susan took him to the pump and +washed his tear-stained face, till she thought she had obliterated +all traces of the recent disturbance, arranging his curls for him, +and then she kissed him tenderly, and led him in, hoping to find +Michael in the kitchen, and make all straight between them. But the +blaze had dropped down into darkness; the wood was a heap of gray +ashes in which the sparks ran hither and thither; but even in the +groping darkness Susan knew by the sinking at her heart that Michael +was not there. She threw another brand on the hearth and lighted the +candle, and sat down to her work in silence. Willie cowered on his +stool by the side of the fire, eyeing his sister from time to time, +and sorry and oppressed, he knew not why, by the sight of her grave, +almost stern face. No one came. They two were in the house alone. +The old woman who helped Susan with the household work had gone out +for the night to some friend's dwelling. William Dixon, the father, +was up on the fells seeing after his sheep. Susan had no heart to +prepare the evening meal. + +"Susy, darling, are you angry with me?" said Willie, in his little +piping, gentle voice. He had stolen up to his sister's side. "I +won't never play with the fire again; and I'll not cry if Michael +does kick me. Only don't look so like dead mother--don't--don't-- +please don't!" he exclaimed, hiding his face on her shoulder. + +"I'm not angry, Willie," said she. "Don't be feared on me. You want +your supper, and you shall have it; and don't you be feared on +Michael. He shall give reason for every hair of your head that he +touches--he shall." + +When William Dixon came home he found Susan and Willie sitting +together, hand-in-hand, and apparently pretty cheerful. He bade them +go to bed, for that he would sit up for Michael; and the next +morning, when Susan came down, she found that Michael had started an +hour before with the cart for lime. It was a long day's work; Susan +knew it would be late, perhaps later than on the preceding night, +before he returned--at any rate, past her usual bed-time; and on no +account would she stop up a minute beyond that hour in the kitchen, +whatever she might do in her bed-room. Here she sat and watched till +past midnight; and when she saw him coming up the brow with the +carts, she knew full well, even in that faint moonlight, that his +gait was the gait of a man in liquor. But though she was annoyed and +mortified to find in what way he had chosen to forget her, the fact +did not disgust or shock her as it would have done many a girl, even +at that day, who had not been brought up as Susan had, among a class +who considered it no crime, but rather a mark of spirit, in a man to +get drunk occasionally. Nevertheless, she chose to hold herself very +high all the next day when Michael was, perforce, obliged to give up +any attempt to do heavy work, and hung about the out-buildings and +farm in a very disconsolate and sickly state. Willie had far more +pity on him than Susan. Before evening, Willie and he were fast, +and, on his side, ostentatious friends. Willie rode the horses down +to water; Willie helped him to chop wood. Susan sat gloomily at her +work, hearing an indistinct but cheerful conversation going on in the +shippon, while the cows were being milked. She almost felt irritated +with her little brother, as if he were a traitor, and had gone over +to the enemy in the very battle that she was fighting in his cause. +She was alone with no one to speak to, while they prattled on +regardless if she were glad or sorry. + +Soon Willie burst in. "Susan! Susan! come with me; I've something +so pretty to show you. Round the corner of the barn--run! run!" (He +was dragging her along, half reluctant, half desirous of some change +in that weary day. Round the corner of the barn; and caught hold of +by Michael, who stood there awaiting her. + +"O Willie!" cried she "you naughty boy. There is nothing pretty-- +what have you brought me here for? Let me go; I won't be held." + +"Only one word. Nay, if you wish it so much, you may go," said +Michael, suddenly loosing his hold as she struggled. But now she was +free, she only drew off a step or two, murmuring something about +Willie. + +"You are going, then?" said Michael, with seeming sadness. "You +won't hear me say a word of what is in my heart." + +"How can I tell whether it is what I should like to hear?" replied +she, still drawing back. + +"That is just what I want you to tell me; I want you to hear it and +then to tell me whether you like it or not." + +"Well, you may speak," replied she, turning her back, and beginning +to plait the hem of her apron. + +He came close to her ear. + +"I'm sorry I hurt Willie the other night. He has forgiven me. Can +you?" + +"You hurt him very badly," she replied. "But you are right to be +sorry. I forgive you." + +"Stop, stop!" said he, laying his hand upon her arm. "There is +something more I've got to say. I want you to be my--what is it they +call it, Susan?" + +"I don't know," said she, half-laughing, but trying to get away with +all her might now; and she was a strong girl, but she could not +manage it. + +"You do. My--what is it I want you to be?" + +"I tell you I don't know, and you had best be quiet, and just let me +go in, or I shall think you're as bad now as you were last night." + +"And how did you know what I was last night? It was past twelve when +I came home. Were you watching? Ah, Susan! be my wife, and you +shall never have to watch for a drunken husband. If I were your +husband, I would come straight home, and count every minute an hour +till I saw your bonny face. Now you know what I want you to be. I +ask you to be my wife. Will you, my own dear Susan?" + +She did not speak for some time. Then she only said "Ask father." +And now she was really off like a lapwing round the corner of the +barn, and up in her own little room, crying with all her might, +before the triumphant smile had left Michael's face where he stood. + +The "Ask father" was a mere form to be gone though. Old Daniel Hurst +and William Dixon had talked over what they could respectively give +their children before this; and that was the parental way of +arranging such matters. When the probable amount of worldly gear +that he could give his child had been named by each father, the young +folk, as they said, might take their own time in coming to the point +which the old men, with the prescience of experience, saw they were +drifting to; no need to hurry them, for they were both young, and +Michael, though active enough, was too thoughtless, old Daniel said, +to be trusted with the entire management of a farm. Meanwhile, his +father would look about him, and see after all the farms that were to +be let. + +Michael had a shrewd notion of this preliminary understanding between +the fathers, and so felt less daunted than he might otherwise have +done at making the application for Susan's hand. It was all right, +there was not an obstacle; only a deal of good advice, which the +lover thought might have as well been spared, and which it must be +confessed he did not much attend to, although he assented to every +part of it. Then Susan was called down stairs, and slowly came +dropping into view down the steps which led from the two family +apartments into the house-place. She tried to look composed and +quiet, but it could not be done. She stood side by side with her +lover, with her head drooping, her cheeks burning, not daring to look +up or move, while her father made the newly-betrothed a somewhat +formal address in which he gave his consent, and many a piece of +worldly wisdom beside. Susan listened as well as she could for the +beating of her heart; but when her father solemnly and sadly referred +to his own lost wife, she could keep from sobbing no longer; but +throwing her apron over her face, she sat down on the bench by the +dresser, and fairly gave way to pent-up tears. Oh, how strangely +sweet to be comforted as she was comforted, by tender caress, and +many a low-whispered promise of love! Her father sat by the fire, +thinking of the days that were gone; Willie was still out of doors; +but Susan and Michael felt no one's presence or absence--they only +knew they were together as betrothed husband and wife. + +In a week, or two, they were formally told of the arrangements to be +made in their favour. A small farm in the neighbourhood happened to +fall vacant; and Michael's father offered to take it for him, and be +responsible for the rent for the first year, while William Dixon was +to contribute a certain amount of stock, and both fathers were to +help towards the furnishing of the house. Susan received all this +information in a quiet, indifferent way; she did not care much for +any of these preparations, which were to hurry her through the happy +hours; she cared least of all for the money amount of dowry and of +substance. It jarred on her to be made the confidante of occasional +slight repinings of Michael's, as one by one his future father-in-law +set aside a beast or a pig for Susan's portion, which were not always +the best animals of their kind upon the farm. But he also complained +of his own father's stinginess, which somewhat, though not much, +alleviated Susan's dislike to being awakened out of her pure dream of +love to the consideration of worldly wealth. + +But in the midst of all this bustle, Willie moped and pined. He had +the same chord of delicacy running through his mind that made his +body feeble and weak. He kept out of the way, and was apparently +occupied in whittling and carving uncouth heads on hazel-sticks in an +out-house. But he positively avoided Michael, and shrunk away even +from Susan. She was too much occupied to notice this at first. +Michael pointed it out to her, saying, with a laugh, - + +"Look at Willie! he might be a cast-off lover and jealous of me, he +looks so dark and downcast at me." Michael spoke this jest out loud, +and Willie burst into tears, and ran out of the house. + +"Let me go. Let me go!" said Susan (for her lover's arm was round +her waist). "I must go to him if he's fretting. I promised mother I +would!" She pulled herself away, and went in search of the boy. She +sought in byre and barn, through the orchard, where indeed in this +leafless winter-time there was no great concealment; up into the room +where the wool was usually stored in the later summer, and at last +she found him, sitting at bay, like some hunted creature, up behind +the wood-stack. + +"What are ye gone for, lad, and me seeking you everywhere?" asked +she, breathless. + +"I did not know you would seek me. I've been away many a time, and +no one has cared to seek me," said he, crying afresh. + +"Nonsense," replied Susan, "don't be so foolish, ye little good-for- +nought." But she crept up to him in the hole he had made underneath +the great, brown sheafs of wood, and squeezed herself down by him. +"What for should folk seek after you, when you get away from them +whenever you can?" asked she. + +"They don't want me to stay. Nobody wants me. If I go with father, +he says I hinder more than I help. You used to like to have me with +you. But now, you've taken up with Michael, and you'd rather I was +away; and I can just bide away; but I cannot stand Michael jeering at +me. He's got you to love him and that might serve him." + +"But I love you, too, dearly, lad!" said she, putting her arm round +his neck. + +"Which on us do you like best?" said he, wistfully, after a little +pause, putting her arm away, so that he might look in her face, and +see if she spoke truth. + +She went very red. + +"You should not ask such questions. They are not fit for you to ask, +nor for me to answer." + +"But mother bade you love me!" said he, plaintively. + +"And so I do. And so I ever will do. Lover nor husband shall come +betwixt thee and me, lad--ne'er a one of them. That I promise thee +(as I promised mother before), in the sight of God and with her +hearkening now, if ever she can hearken to earthly word again. Only +I cannot abide to have thee fretting, just because my heart is large +enough for two." + +"And thou'lt love me always?" + +"Always, and ever. And the more--the more thou'lt love Michael," +said she, dropping her voice. + +"I'll try," said the boy, sighing, for he remembered many a harsh +word and blow of which his sister knew nothing. She would have risen +up to go away, but he held her tight, for here and now she was all +his own, and he did not know when such a time might come again. So +the two sat crouched up and silent, till they heard the horn blowing +at the field-gate, which was the summons home to any wanderers +belonging to the farm, and at this hour of the evening, signified +that supper was ready. Then the two went in. + + + +CHAPTER II. + + + +Susan and Michael were to be married in April. He had already gone +to take possession of his new farm, three or four miles away from Yew +Nook--but that is neighbouring, according to the acceptation of the +word in that thinly-populated district,--when William Dixon fell ill. +He came home one evening, complaining of head-ache and pains in his +limbs, but seemed to loathe the posset which Susan prepared for him; +the treacle-posset which was the homely country remedy against an +incipient cold. He took to his bed with a sensation of exceeding +weariness, and an odd, unusual looking-back to the days of his youth, +when he was a lad living with his parents, in this very house. + +The next morning he had forgotten all his life since then, and did +not know his own children; crying, like a newly-weaned baby, for his +mother to come and soothe away his terrible pain. The doctor from +Coniston said it was the typhus-fever, and warned Susan of its +infectious character, and shook his head over his patient. There +were no near friends to come and share her anxiety; only good, kind +old Peggy, who was faithfulness itself, and one or two labourers' +wives, who would fain have helped her, had not their hands been tied +by their responsibility to their own families. But, somehow, Susan +neither feared nor flagged. As for fear, indeed, she had no time to +give way to it, for every energy of both body and mind was required. +Besides, the young have had too little experience of the danger of +infection to dread it much. She did indeed wish, from time to time, +that Michael had been at home to have taken Willie over to his +father's at High Beck; but then, again, the lad was docile and useful +to her, and his fecklessness in many things might make him harshly +treated by strangers; so, perhaps, it was as well that Michael was +away at Appleby fair, or even beyond that--gone into Yorkshire after +horses. + +Her father grew worse; and the doctor insisted on sending over a +nurse from Coniston. Not a professed nurse--Coniston could not have +supported such a one; but a widow who was ready to go where the +doctor sent her for the sake of the payment. When she came, Susan +suddenly gave way; she was felled by the fever herself, and lay +unconscious for long weeks. Her consciousness returned to her one +spring afternoon; early spring: April,--her wedding-month. There +was a little fire burning in the small corner-grate, and the +flickering of the blaze was enough for her to notice in her weak +state. She felt that there was some one sitting on the window-side +of her bed, behind the curtain, but she did not care to know who it +was; it was even too great a trouble for her languid mind to consider +who it was likely to be. She would rather shut her eyes, and melt +off again into the gentle luxury of sleep. The next time she +wakened, the Coniston nurse perceived her movement, and made her a +cup of tea, which she drank with eager relish; but still they did not +speak, and once more Susan lay motionless--not asleep, but strangely, +pleasantly conscious of all the small chamber and household sounds; +the fall of a cinder on the hearth, the fitful singing of the half- +empty kettle, the cattle tramping out to field again after they had +been milked, the aged step on the creaking stair--old Peggy's, as she +knew. It came to her door; it stopped; the person outside listened +for a moment, and then lifted the wooden latch, and looked in. The +watcher by the bedside arose, and went to her. Susan would have been +glad to see Peggy's face once more, but was far too weak to turn, so +she lay and listened. + +"How is she?" whispered one trembling, aged voice. + +"Better," replied the other. "She's been awake, and had a cup of +tea. She'll do now." + +"Has she asked after him?" + +"Hush! No; she has not spoken a word." + +"Poor lass! poor lass!" + +The door was shut. A weak feeling of sorrow and self-pity came over +Susan. What was wrong? Whom had she loved? And dawning, dawning, +slowly rose the sun of her former life, and all particulars were made +distinct to her. She felt that some sorrow was coming to her, and +cried over it before she knew what it was, or had strength enough to +ask. In the dead of night,--and she had never slept again,--she +softly called to the watcher, and asked - + +"Who?" + +"Who what?" replied the woman, with a conscious affright, ill-veiled +by a poor assumption of ease. "Lie still, there's a darling, and go +to sleep. Sleep's better for you than all the doctor's stuff." + +"Who?" repeated Susan. "Something is wrong. Who?" + +"Oh, dear!" said the woman. "There's nothing wrong. Willie has +taken the turn, and is doing nicely." + +"Father?" + +"Well! he's all right now," she answered, looking another way, as if +seeking for something. + +"Then it's Michael! Oh, me! oh, me!" She set up a succession of +weak, plaintive, hysterical cries before the nurse could pacify her, +by declaring that Michael had been at the house not three hours +before to ask after her, and looked as well and as hearty as ever man +did. + +"And you heard of no harm to him since?" inquired Susan. + +"Bless the lass, no, for sure! I've ne'er heard his name named since +I saw him go out of the yard as stout a man as ever trod shoe- +leather." + +It was well, as the nurse said afterwards to Peggy, that Susan had +been so easily pacified by the equivocating answer in respect to her +father. If she had pressed the questions home in his case as she did +in Michael's, she would have learnt that he was dead and buried more +than a month before. It was well, too, that in her weak state of +convalescence (which lasted long after this first day of +consciousness) her perceptions were not sharp enough to observe the +sad change that had taken place in Willie. His bodily strength +returned, his appetite was something enormous, but his eyes wandered +continually; his regard could not be arrested; his speech became +slow, impeded, and incoherent. People began to say that the fever +had taken away the little wit Willie Dixon had ever possessed and +that they feared that he would end in being a "natural," as they call +an idiot in the Dales. + +The habitual affection and obedience to Susan lasted longer than any +other feeling that the boy had had previous to his illness; and, +perhaps, this made her be the last to perceive what every one else +had long anticipated. She felt the awakening rude when it did come. +It was in this wise:- + +One Jane evening, she sat out of doors under the yew-tree, knitting. +She was pale still from her recent illness; and her languor, joined +to the fact of her black dress, made her look more than usually +interesting. She was no longer the buoyant self-sufficient Susan, +equal to every occasion. The men were bringing in the cows to be +milked, and Michael was about in the yard giving orders and +directions with somewhat the air of a master, for the farm belonged +of right to Willie, and Susan had succeeded to the guardianship of +her brother. Michael and she were to be married as soon as she was +strong enough--so, perhaps, his authoritative manner was justified; +but the labourers did not like it, although they said little. They +remembered a stripling on the farm, knowing far less than they did, +and often glad to shelter his ignorance of all agricultural matters +behind their superior knowledge. They would have taken orders from +Susan with far more willingness; nay, Willie himself might have +commanded them; and from the old hereditary feeling toward the owners +of land, they would have obeyed him with far greater cordiality than +they now showed to Michael. But Susan was tired with even three +rounds of knitting, and seemed not to notice, or to care, how things +went on around her; and Willie--poor Willie!--there he stood lounging +against the door-sill, enormously grown and developed, to be sure, +but with restless eyes and ever-open mouth, and every now and then +setting up a strange kind of howling cry, and then smiling vacantly +to himself at the sound he had made. As the two old labourers passed +him, they looked at each other ominously, and shook their heads. + +"Willie, darling," said Susan, "don't make that noise--it makes my +head ache." + +She spoke feebly, and Willie did not seem to hear; at any rate, he +continued his howl from time to time. + +"Hold thy noise, wilt'a?" said Michael, roughly, as he passed near +him, and threatening him with his fist. Susan's back was turned to +the pair. The expression of Willie's face changed from vacancy to +fear, and he came shambling up to Susan, who put her arm round him, +and, as if protected by that shelter, he began making faces at +Michael. Susan saw what was going on, and, as if now first struck by +the strangeness of her brother's manner, she looked anxiously at +Michael for an explanation. Michael was irritated at Willie's +defiance of him, and did not mince the matter. + +"It's just that the fever has left him silly--he never was as wise as +other folk, and now I doubt if he will ever get right." + +Susan did not speak, but she went very pale, and her lip quivered. +She looked long and wistfully at Willie's face, as he watched the +motion of the ducks in the great stable-pool. He laughed softly to +himself every now and then. + +"Willie likes to see the ducks go overhead," said Susan, +instinctively adopting the form of speech she would have used to a +young child. + +"Willie, boo! Willie, boo!" he replied, clapping his hands, and +avoiding her eye. + +"Speak properly, Willie," said Susan, making a strong effort at self- +control, and trying to arrest his attention. + +"You know who I am--tell me my name!" She grasped his arm almost +painfully tight to make him attend. Now he looked at her, and, for +an instant, a gleam of recognition quivered over his face; but the +exertion was evidently painful, and he began to cry at the vainness +of the effort to recall her name. He hid his face upon her shoulder +with the old affectionate trick of manner. She put him gently away, +and went into the house into her own little bedroom. She locked the +door, and did not reply at all to Michael's calls for her, hardly +spoke to old Peggy, who tried to tempt her out to receive some homely +sympathy, and through the open easement there still came the idiotic +sound of "Willie, boo! Willie, boo!" + + + +CHAPTER III. + + + +After the stun of the blow came the realization of the consequences. +Susan would sit for hours trying patiently to recall and piece +together fragments of recollection and consciousness in her brother's +mind. She would let him go and pursue some senseless bit of play, +and wait until she could catch his eye or his attention again, when +she would resume her self-imposed task. Michael complained that she +never had a word for him, or a minute of time to spend with him now; +but she only said she must try, while there was yet a chance, to +bring back her brother's lost wits. As for marriage in this state of +uncertainty, she had no heart to think of it. Then Michael stormed, +and absented himself for two or three days; but it was of no use. +When he came back, he saw that she had been crying till her eyes were +all swollen up, and he gathered from Peggy's scoldings (which she did +not spare him) that Susan had eaten nothing since he went away. But +she was as inflexible as ever. + +"Not just yet. Only not just yet. And don't say again that I do not +love you," said she, suddenly hiding herself in his arms. + +And so matters went on through August. The crop of oats was gathered +in; the wheat-field was not ready as yet, when one fine day Michael +drove up in a borrowed shandry, and offered to take Willie a ride. +His manner, when Susan asked him where he was going to, was rather +confused; but the answer was straight and clear enough. + +He had business in Ambleside. He would never lose sight of the lad, +and have him back safe and sound before dark. So Susan let him go. + +Before night they were at home again: Willie in high delight at a +little rattling paper windmill that Michael had bought for him in the +street, and striving to imitate this new sound with perpetual +buzzings. Michael, too, looked pleased. Susan knew the look, +although afterwards she remembered that he had tried to veil it from +her, and had assumed a grave appearance of sorrow whenever he caught +her eye. He put up his horse; for, although he had three miles +further to go, the moon was up--the bonny harvest-moon--and he did +not care how late he had to drive on such a road by such a light. +After the supper which Susan had prepared for the travellers was +over, Peggy went up-stairs to see Willie safe in bed; for he had to +have the same care taken of him that a little child of four years old +requires. + +Michael drew near to Susan. + +"Susan," said he, "I took Will to see Dr. Preston, at Kendal. He's +the first doctor in the county. I thought it were better for us--for +you--to know at once what chance there were for him." + +"Well!" said Susan, looking eagerly up. She saw the same strange +glance of satisfaction, the same instant change to apparent regret +and pain. "What did he say?" said she. "Speak! can't you?" + +"He said he would never get better of his weakness." + +"Never!" + +"No; never. It's a long word, and hard to bear. And there's worse +to come, dearest. The doctor thinks he will get badder from year to +year. And he said, if he was us--you--he would send him off in time +to Lancaster Asylum. They've ways there both of keeping such people +in order and making them happy. I only tell you what he said," +continued he, seeing the gathering storm in her face. + +"There was no harm in his saying it," she replied, with great self- +constraint, forcing herself to speak coldly instead of angrily. +"Folk is welcome to their opinions." + +They sat silent for a minute or two, her breast heaving with +suppressed feeling. + +"He's counted a very clever man," said Michael at length. + +"He may be. He's none of my clever men, nor am I going to be guided +by him, whatever he may think. And I don't thank them that went and +took my poor lad to have such harsh notions formed about him. If I'd +been there, I could have called out the sense that is in him." + +"Well! I'll not say more to-night, Susan. You're not taking it +rightly, and I'd best be gone, and leave you to think it over. I'll +not deny they are hard words to hear, but there's sense in them, as I +take it; and I reckon you'll have to come to 'em. Anyhow, it's a bad +way of thanking me for my pains, and I don't take it well in you, +Susan," said he, getting up, as if offended. + +"Michael, I'm beside myself with sorrow. Don't blame me if I speak +sharp. He and me is the only ones, you see. And mother did so +charge me to have a care of him! And this is what he's come to, poor +lile chap!" She began to cry, and Michael to comfort her with +caresses. + +"Don't," said she. "It's no use trying to make me forget poor Willie +is a natural. I could hate myself for being happy with you, even for +just a little minute. Go away, and leave me to face it out." + +"And you'll think it over, Susan, and remember what the doctor says?" + +"I can't forget," said she. She meant she could not forget what the +doctor had said about the hopelessness of her brother's case; Michael +had referred to the plan of sending Willie to an asylum, or madhouse, +as they were called in that day and place. The idea had been +gathering force in Michael's mind for some time; he had talked it +over with his father, and secretly rejoiced over the possession of +the farm and land which would then be his in fact, if not in law, by +right of his wife. He had always considered the good penny her +father could give her in his catalogue of Susan's charms and +attractions. But of late he had grown to esteem her as the heiress +of Yew Nook. He, too, should have land like his brother--land to +possess, to cultivate, to make profit from, to bequeath. For some +time he had wondered that Susan had been so much absorbed in Willie's +present, that she had never seemed to look forward to his future, +state. Michael had long felt the boy to be a trouble; but of late he +had absolutely loathed him. His gibbering, his uncouth gestures, his +loose, shambling gait, all irritated Michael inexpressibly. He did +not come near the Yew Nook for a couple of days. He thought that he +would leave her time to become anxious to see him and reconciled to +his plan. They were strange lonely days to Susan. They were the +first she had spent face to face with the sorrows that had turned her +from a girl into a woman; for hitherto Michael had never let twenty- +four hours pass by without coming to see her since she had had the +fever. Now that he was absent, it seemed as though some cause of +irritation was removed from Will, who was much more gentle and +tractable than he had been for many weeks. Susan thought that she +observed him making efforts at her bidding, and there was something +piteous in the way in which he crept up to her, and looked wistfully +in her face, as if asking her to restore him the faculties that he +felt to be wanting. + +"I never will let thee go, lad. Never! There's no knowing where +they would take thee to, or what they would do with thee. As it says +in the Bible, 'Nought but death shall part thee and me!'" + +The country-side was full, in those days, of stories of the brutal +treatment offered to the insane; stories that were, in fact, but too +well founded, and the truth of one of which only would have been a +sufficient reason for the strong prejudice existing against all such +places. Each succeeding hour that Susan passed, alone, or with the +poor affectionate lad for her sole companion, served to deepen her +solemn resolution never to part with him. So, when Michael came, he +was annoyed and surprised by the calm way in which she spoke, as if +following Dr. Preston's advice was utterly and entirely out of the +question. He had expected nothing less than a consent, reluctant it +might be, but still a consent; and he was extremely irritated. He +could have repressed his anger, but he chose rather to give way to +it; thinking that he could thus best work upon Susan's affection, so +as to gain his point. But, somehow, he over-reached himself; and now +he was astonished in his turn at the passion of indignation that she +burst into. + +"Thou wilt not bide in the same house with him, say'st thou? There's +no need for thy biding, as far as I can tell. There's solemn reason +why I should bide with my own flesh and blood and keep to the word I +pledged my mother on her death-bed; but, as for thee, there's no tie +that I know on to keep thee fro' going to America or Botany Bay this +very night, if that were thy inclination. I will have no more of +your threats to make me send my bairn away. If thou marry me, +thou'lt help me to take charge of Willie. If thou doesn't choose to +marry me on those terms--why, I can snap my fingers at thee, never +fear. I'm not so far gone in love as that. But I will not have +thee, if thou say'st in such a hectoring way that Willie must go out +of the house--and the house his own too--before thoul't set foot in +it. Willie bides here, and I bide with him." + +"Thou hast may-be spoken a word too much," said Michael, pale with +rage. "If I am free, as thou say'st, to go to Canada, or Botany Bay, +I reckon I'm free to live where I like, and that will not be with a +natural who may turn into a madman some day, for aught I know. +Choose between him and me, Susy, for I swear to thee, thou shan't +have both." + +"I have chosen," said Susan, now perfectly composed and still. +"Whatever comes of it, I bide with Willie." + +"Very well," replied Michael, trying to assume an equal composure of +manner. "Then I'll wish you a very good night." He went out of the +house door, half-expecting to be called back again; but, instead, he +heard a hasty step inside, and a bolt drawn. + +"Whew!" said he to himself, "I think I must leave my lady alone for a +week or two, and give her time to come to her senses. She'll not +find it so easy as she thinks to let me go." + +So he went past the kitchen-window in nonchalant style, and was not +seen again at Yew Nook for some weeks. How did he pass the time? +For the first day or two, he was unusually cross with all things and +people that came athwart him. Then wheat-harvest began, and he was +busy, and exultant about his heavy crop. Then a man came from a +distance to bid for the lease of his farm, which, by his father's +advice, had been offered for sale, as he himself was so soon likely +to remove to the Yew Nook. He had so little idea that Susan really +would remain firm to her determination, that he at once began to +haggle with the man who came after his farm, showed him the crop just +got in, and managed skilfully enough to make a good bargain for +himself. Of course, the bargain had to be sealed at the public- +house; and the companions he met with there soon became friends +enough to tempt him into Langdale, where again he met with Eleanor +Hebthwaite. + +How did Susan pass the time? For the first day or so, she was too +angry and offended to cry. She went about her household duties in a +quick, sharp, jerking, yet absent way; shrinking one moment from +Will, overwhelming him with remorseful caresses the next. The third +day of Michael's absence, she had the relief of a good fit of crying; +and after that, she grew softer and more tender; she felt how harshly +she had spoken to him, and remembered how angry she had been. She +made excuses for him. "It was no wonder," she said to herself, "that +he had been vexed with her; and no wonder he would not give in, when +she had never tried to speak gently or to reason with him. She was +to blame, and she would tell him so, and tell him once again all that +her mother had bade her to be to Willie, and all the horrible stories +she had heard about madhouses, and he would be on her side at once." + +And so she watched for his coming, intending to apologise as soon as +ever she saw him. She hurried over her household work, in order to +sit quietly at her sewing, and hear the first distant sound of his +well-known step or whistle. But even the sound of her flying needle +seemed too loud--perhaps she was losing an exquisite instant of +anticipation; so she stopped sewing, and looked longingly out through +the geranium leaves, in order that her eye might catch the first stir +of the branches in the wood-path by which he generally came. Now and +then a bird might spring out of the covert; otherwise the leaves were +heavily still in the sultry weather of early autumn. Then she would +take up her sewing, and, with a spasm of resolution, she would +determine that a certain task should be fulfilled before she would +again allow herself the poignant luxury of expectation. Sick at +heart was she when the evening closed in, and the chances of that day +diminished. Yet she stayed up longer than usual, thinking that if he +were coming--if he were only passing along the distant road--the +sight of a light in the window might encourage him to make his +appearance even at that late hour, while seeing the house all +darkened and shut up might quench any such intention. + +Very sick and weary at heart, she went to bed; too desolate and +despairing to cry, or make any moan. But in the morning hope came +afresh. Another day--another chance! And so it went on for weeks. +Peggy understood her young mistress's sorrow full well, and respected +it by her silence on the subject. Willie seemed happier now that the +irritation of Michael's presence was removed; for the poor idiot had +a sort of antipathy to Michael, which was a kind of heart's echo to +the repugnance in which the latter held him. Altogether, just at +this time, Willie was the happiest of the three. + +As Susan went into Coniston, to sell her butter, one Saturday, some +inconsiderate person told her that she had seen Michael Hurst the +night before. I said inconsiderate, but I might rather have said +unobservant; for any one who had spent half-an-hour in Susan Dixon's +company might have seen that she disliked having any reference made +to the subjects nearest her heart, were they joyous or grievous. Now +she went a little paler than usual (and she had never recovered her +colour since she had had the fever), and tried to keep silence. But +an irrepressible pang forced out the question - + +"Where?" + +"At Thomas Applethwaite's, in Langdale. They had a kind of harvest- +home, and he were there among the young folk, and very thick wi' +Nelly Hebthwaite, old Thomas's niece. Thou'lt have to look after him +a bit, Susan!" + +She neither smiled nor sighed. The neighbour who had been speaking +to her was struck with the gray stillness of her face. Susan herself +felt how well her self-command was obeyed by every little muscle, and +said to herself in her Spartan manner, "I can bear it without either +wincing or blenching." She went home early, at a tearing, passionate +pace, trampling and breaking through all obstacles of briar or bush. +Willie was moping in her absence--hanging listlessly on the farm-yard +gate to watch for her. When he saw her, he set up one of his +strange, inarticulate cries, of which she was now learning the +meaning, and came towards her with his loose, galloping run, head and +limbs all shaking and wagging with pleasant excitement. Suddenly she +turned from him, and burst into tears. She sat down on a stone by +the wayside, not a hundred yards from home, and buried her face in +her hands, and gave way to a passion of pent-up sorrow; so terrible +and full of agony were her low cries, that the idiot stood by her, +aghast and silent. All his joy gone for the time, but not, like her +joy, turned into ashes. Some thought struck him. Yes! the sight of +her woe made him think, great as the exertion was. He ran, and +stumbled, and shambled home, buzzing with his lips all the time. She +never missed him. He came back in a trice, bringing with him his +cherished paper windmill, bought on that fatal day when Michael had +taken him into Kendal to have his doom of perpetual idiocy +pronounced. He thrust it into Susan's face, her hands, her lap, +regardless of the injury his frail plaything thereby received. He +leapt before her to think how he had cured all heart-sorrow, buzzing +louder than ever. Susan looked up at him, and that glance of her sad +eyes sobered him. He began to whimper, he knew not why: and she +now, comforter in her turn, tried to soothe him by twirling his +windmill. But it was broken; it made no noise; it would not go +round. This seemed to afflict Susan more than him. She tried to +make it right, although she saw the task was hopeless; and while she +did so, the tears rained down unheeded from her bent head on the +paper toy. + +"It won't do," said she, at last. "It will never do again." And, +somehow, she took the accident and her words as omens of the love +that was broken, and that she feared could never be pieced together +more. She rose up and took Willie's hand, and the two went slowly +into the house. + +To her surprise, Michael Hurst sat in the house-place. House-place +is a sort of better kitchen, where no cookery is done, but which is +reserved for state occasions. Michael had gone in there because he +was accompanied by his only sister, a woman older than himself, who +was well married beyond Keswick, and who now came for the first time +to make acquaintance with Susan. Michael had primed his sister with +his wishes regarding Will, and the position in which he stood with +Susan; and arriving at Yew Nook in the absence of the latter, he had +not scrupled to conduct his sister into the guest-room, as he held +Mrs. Gale's worldly position in respect and admiration, and therefore +wished her to be favourably impressed with all the signs of property +which he was beginning to consider as Susan's greatest charms. He +had secretly said to himself, that if Eleanor Hebthwaite and Susan +Dixon were equal in point of riches, he would sooner have Eleanor by +far. He had begun to consider Susan as a termagant; and when he +thought of his intercourse with her, recollections of her somewhat +warm and hasty temper came far more readily to his mind than any +remembrance of her generous, loving nature. + +And now she stood face to face with him; her eyes tear-swollen, her +garments dusty, and here and there torn in consequence of her rapid +progress through the bushy by-paths. She did not make a favourable +impression on the well-clad Mrs. Gale, dressed in her best silk gown, +and therefore unusually susceptible to the appearance of another. +Nor were Susan's manners gracious or cordial. How could they be, +when she remembered what had passed between Michael and herself the +last time they met? For her penitence had faded away under the daily +disappointment of these last weary weeks. + +But she was hospitable in substance. She bade Peggy hurry on the +kettle, and busied herself among the tea-cups, thankful that the +presence of Mrs. Gale, as a stranger, would prevent the immediate +recurrence to the one subject which she felt must be present in +Michael's mind as well as in her own. But Mrs. Gale was withheld by +no such feelings of delicacy. She had come ready-primed with the +case, and had undertaken to bring the girl to reason. There was no +time to be lost. It had been prearranged between the brother and +sister that he was to stroll out into the farm-yard before his sister +introduced the subject; but she was so confident in the success of +her arguments, that she must needs have the triumph of a victory as +soon as possible; and, accordingly, she brought a hail-storm of good +reasons to bear upon Susan. Susan did not reply for a long time; she +was so indignant at this intermeddling of a stranger in the deep +family sorrow and shame. Mrs. Gale thought she was gaining the day, +and urged her arguments more pitilessly. Even Michael winced for +Susan, and wondered at her silence. He shrank out of sight, and into +the shadow, hoping that his sister might prevail, but annoyed at the +hard way in which she kept putting the case. + +Suddenly Susan turned round from the occupation she had pretended to +be engaged in, and said to him in a low voice, which yet not only +vibrated itself, but made its hearers thrill through all their +obtuseness: + +"Michael Hurst! does your sister speak truth, think you?" + +Both women looked at him for his answer; Mrs. Gale without anxiety, +for had she not said the very words they had spoken together before? +had she not used the very arguments that he himself had suggested? +Susan, on the contrary, looked to his answer as settling her doom for +life; and in the gloom of her eyes you might have read more despair +than hope. + +He shuffled his position. He shuffled in his words. + +"What is it you ask? My sister has said many things." + +"I ask you," said Susan, trying to give a crystal clearness both to +her expressions and her pronunciation, "if, knowing as you do how +Will is afflicted, you will help me to take that charge of him which +I promised my mother on her death-bed that I would do; and which +means, that I shall keep him always with me, and do all in my power +to make his life happy. If you will do this, I will be your wife; if +not, I remain unwed." + +"But he may get dangerous; he can be but a trouble; his being here is +a pain to you, Susan, not a pleasure." + +"I ask you for either yes or no," said she, a little contempt at his +evading her question mingling with her tone. He perceived it, and it +nettled him. + +"And I have told you. I answered your question the last time I was +here. I said I would ne'er keep house with an idiot; no more I will. +So now you've gotten your answer." + +"I have," said Susan. And she sighed deeply. + +"Come, now," said Mrs. Gale, encouraged by the sigh; "one would think +you don't love Michael, Susan, to be so stubborn in yielding to what +I'm sure would be best for the lad." + +"Oh! she does not care for me," said Michael. "I don't believe she +ever did." + +"Don't I? Haven't I?" asked Susan, her eyes blazing out fire. She +left the room directly, and sent Peggy in to make the tea; and +catching at Will, who was lounging about in the kitchen, she went up- +stairs with him and bolted herself in, straining the boy to her +heart, and keeping almost breathless, lest any noise she made might +cause him to break out into the howls and sounds which she could not +bear that those below should hear. + +A knock at the door. It was Peggy. + +"He wants for to see you, to wish you good-bye." + +"I cannot come. Oh, Peggy, send them away." + +It was her only cry for sympathy; and the old servant understood it. +She sent them away, somehow; not politely, as I have been given to +understand. + +"Good go with them," said Peggy, as she grimly watched their +retreating figures. "We're rid of bad rubbish, anyhow." And she +turned into the house, with the intention of making ready some +refreshment for Susan, after her hard day at the market, and her +harder evening. But in the kitchen, to which she passed through the +empty house-place, making a face of contemptuous dislike at the used +tea-cups and fragments of a meal yet standing there, she found Susan, +with her sleeves tucked up and her working apron on, busied in +preparing to make clap-bread, one of the hardest and hottest domestic +tasks of a Daleswoman. She looked up, and first met, and then +avoided Peggy's eye; it was too full of sympathy. Her own cheeks +were flushed, and her own eyes were dry and burning. + +"Where's the board, Peggy? We need clap-bread; and, I reckon, I've +time to get through with it to-night." Her voice had a sharp, dry +tone in it, and her motions a jerking angularity about them. + +Peggy said nothing, but fetched her all that she needed. Susan beat +her cakes thin with vehement force. As she stooped over them, +regardless even of the task in which she seemed so much occupied, she +was surprised by a touch on her mouth of something--what she did not +see at first. It was a cup of tea, delicately sweetened and cooled, +and held to her lips, when exactly ready, by the faithful old woman. +Susan held it off a hand's breath, and looked into Peggy's eyes, +while her own filled with the strange relief of tears. + +"Lass!" said Peggy, solemnly, "thou hast done well. It is not long +to bide, and then the end will come." + +"But you are very old, Peggy," said Susan, quivering. + +"It is but a day sin' I were young," replied Peggy; but she stopped +the conversation by again pushing the cup with gentle force to +Susan's dry and thirsty lips. When she had drunken she fell again to +her labour, Peggy heating the hearth, and doing all that she knew +would be required, but never speaking another word. Willie basked +close to the fire, enjoying the animal luxury of warmth, for the +autumn evenings were beginning to be chilly. It was one o'clock +before they thought of going to bed on that memorable night. + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + + +The vehemence with which Susan Dixon threw herself into occupation +could not last for ever. Times of languor and remembrance would +come--times when she recurred with a passionate yearning to bygone +days, the recollection of which was so vivid and delicious, that it +seemed as though it were the reality, and the present bleak bareness +the dream. She smiled anew at the magical sweetness of some touch or +tone which in memory she felt and heard, and drank the delicious cup +of poison, although at the very time she knew what the consequences +of racking pain would be. + +"This time, last year," thought she, "we went nutting together--this +very day last year; just such a day as to-day. Purple and gold were +the lights on the hills; the leaves were just turning brown; here and +there on the sunny slopes the stubble-fields looked tawny; down in a +cleft of yon purple slate-rock the beck fell like a silver glancing +thread; all just as it is to-day. And he climbed the slender, +swaying nut-trees, and bent the branches for me to gather; or made a +passage through the hazel copses, from time to time claiming a toll. +Who could have thought he loved me so little?--who?--who?" + +Or, as the evening closed in, she would allow herself to imagine that +she heard his coming step, just that she might recall time feeling of +exquisite delight which had passed by without the due and passionate +relish at the time. Then she would wonder how she could have had +strength, the cruel, self-piercing strength, to say what she had +done; to stab himself with that stern resolution, of which the sear +would remain till her dying day. It might have been right; but, as +she sickened, she wished she had not instinctively chosen the right. +How luxurious a life haunted by no stern sense of duty must be! And +many led this kind of life; why could not she? O, for one hour again +of his sweet company! If he came now, she would agree to whatever he +proposed. + +It was a fever of the mind. She passed through it, and came out +healthy, if weak. She was capable once more of taking pleasure in +following an unseen guide through briar and brake. She returned with +tenfold affection to her protecting care of Willie. She acknowledged +to herself that he was to he her all-in-all in life. She made him +her constant companion. For his sake, as the real owner of Yew Nook, +and she as his steward and guardian, she began that course of careful +saving, and that love of acquisition, which afterwards gained for her +the reputation of being miserly. She still thought that he might +regain a scanty portion of sense--enough to require some simple +pleasures and excitement, which would cost money. And money should +not be wanting. Peggy rather assisted her in the formation of her +parsimonious habits than otherwise; economy was the order of the +district, and a certain degree of respectable avarice the +characteristic of her age. Only Willie was never stinted nor +hindered of anything that the two women thought could give him +pleasure, for want of money. + +There was one gratification which Susan felt was needed for the +restoration of her mind to its more healthy state, after she had +passed through the whirling fever, when duty was as nothing, and +anarchy reigned; a gratification that, somehow, was to be her last +burst of unreasonableness; of which she knew and recognised pain as +the sure consequence. She must see him once more,--herself unseen. + +The week before the Christmas of this memorable year, she went out in +the dusk of the early winter evening, wrapped close in shawl and +cloak. She wore her dark shawl under her cloak, putting it over her +head in lieu of a bonnet; for she knew that she might have to wait +long in concealment. Then she tramped over the wet fell-path, shut +in by misty rain for miles and miles, till she came to the place +where he was lodging; a farm-house in Langdale, with a steep, stony +lane leading up to it: this lane was entered by a gate out of the +main road, and by the gate were a few bushes--thorns; but of them the +leaves had fallen, and they offered no concealment: an old wreck of +a yew-tree grew among them, however, and underneath that Susan +cowered down, shrouding her face, of which the colour might betray +her, with a corner of her shawl. Long did she wait; cold and cramped +she became, too damp and stiff to change her posture readily. And +after all, he might never come! But, she would wait till daylight, +if need were; and she pulled out a crust, with which she had +providently supplied herself. The rain had ceased,--a dull, still, +brooding weather had succeeded; it was a night to hear distant +sounds. She heard horses' hoofs striking and splashing in the +stones, and in the pools of the road at her back. Two horses; not +well-ridden, or evenly guided, as she could tell. + +Michael Hurst and a companion drew near: not tipsy, but not sober. +They stopped at the gate to bid each other a maudlin farewell. +Michael stooped forward to catch the latch with the hook of the stick +which he carried; he dropped the stick, and it fell with one end +close to Susan,--indeed, with the slightest change of posture she +could have opened the gate for him. He swore a great oath, and +struck his horse with his closed fist, as if that animal had been to +blame; then he dismounted, opened the gate, and fumbled about for his +stick. When he had found it (Susan had touched the other end) his +first use of it was to flog his horse well, and she had much ado to +avoid its kicks and plunges. Then, still swearing, he staggered up +the lane, for it was evident he was not sober enough to remount. + +By daylight Susan was back and at her daily labours at Yew Nook. +When the spring came, Michael Hurst was married to Eleanor +Hebthwaite. Others, too, were married, and christenings made their +firesides merry and glad; or they travelled, and came back after long +years with many wondrous tales. More rarely, perhaps, a Dalesman +changed his dwelling. But to all households more change came than to +Yew Nook. There the seasons came round with monotonous sameness; or, +if they brought mutation, it was of a slow, and decaying, and +depressing kind. Old Peggy died. Her silent sympathy, concealed +under much roughness, was a loss to Susan Dixon. Susan was not yet +thirty when this happened, but she looked a middle-aged, not to say +an elderly woman. People affirmed that she had never recovered her +complexion since that fever, a dozen years ago, which killed her +father, and left Will Dixon an idiot. But besides her gray +sallowness, the lines in her face were strong, and deep, and hard. +The movements of her eyeballs were slow and heavy; the wrinkles at +the corners of her mouth and eyes were planted firm and sure; not an +ounce of unnecessary flesh was there on her bones--every muscle +started strong and ready for use. She needed all this bodily +strength, to a degree that no human creature, now Peggy was dead, +knew of: for Willie had grown up large and strong in body, and, in +general, docile enough in mind; but, every now and then, he became +first moody, and then violent. These paroxysms lasted but a day or +two; and it was Susan's anxious care to keep their very existence +hidden and unknown. It is true, that occasional passers-by on that +lonely road heard sounds at night of knocking about of furniture, +blows, and cries, as of some tearing demon within the solitary farm- +house; but these fits of violence usually occurred in the night; and +whatever had been their consequence, Susan had tidied and redded up +all signs of aught unusual before the morning. For, above all, she +dreaded lest some one might find out in what danger and peril she +occasionally was, and might assume a right to take away her brother +from her care. The one idea of taking charge of him had deepened and +deepened with years. It was graven into her mind as the object for +which she lived. The sacrifice she had made for this object only +made it more precious to her. Besides, she separated the idea of the +docile, affectionate, loutish, indolent Will, and kept it distinct +from the terror which the demon that occasionally possessed him +inspired her with. The one was her flesh and her blood--the child of +her dead mother; the other was some fiend who came to torture and +convulse the creature she so loved. She believed that she fought her +brother's battle in holding down those tearing hands, in binding +whenever she could those uplifted restless arms prompt and prone to +do mischief. All the time she subdued him with her cunning or her +strength, she spoke to him in pitying murmurs, or abused the third +person, the fiendish enemy, in no unmeasured tones. Towards morning +the paroxysm was exhausted, and he would fall asleep, perhaps only to +waken with evil and renewed vigour. But when he was laid down, she +would sally out to taste the fresh air, and to work off her wild +sorrow in cries and mutterings to herself. The early labourers saw +her gestures at a distance, and thought her as crazed as the idiot- +brother who made the neighbourhood a haunted place. But did any +chance person call at Yew Nook later on in the day, he would find +Susan Dixon cold, calm, collected; her manner curt, her wits keen. + +Once this fit of violence lasted longer than usual. Susan's strength +both of mind and body was nearly worn out; she wrestled in prayer +that somehow it might end before she, too, was driven mad; or, worse, +might be obliged to give up life's aim, and consign Willie to a +madhouse. From that moment of prayer (as she afterwards +superstitiously thought) Willie calmed--and then he drooped--and then +he sank--and, last of all, he died in reality from physical +exhaustion. + +But he was so gentle and tender as he lay on his dying bed; such +strange, child-like gleams of returning intelligence came over his +face, long after the power to make his dull, inarticulate sounds had +departed, that Susan was attracted to him by a stronger tie than she +had ever felt before. It was something to have even an idiot loving +her with dumb, wistful, animal affection; something to have any +creature looking at her with such beseeching eyes, imploring +protection from the insidious enemy stealing on. And yet she knew +that to him death was no enemy, but a true friend, restoring light +and health to his poor clouded mind. It was to her that death was an +enemy; to her, the survivor, when Willie died; there was no one to +love her. + +Worse doom still, there was no one left on earth for her to love. + +You now know why no wandering tourist could persuade her to receive +him as a lodger; why no tired traveller could melt her heart to +afford him rest and refreshment; why long habits of seclusion had +given her a moroseness of manner, and how care for the interests of +another had rendered her keen and miserly. + +But there was a third act in the drama of her life. + + + +CHAPTER V. + + + +In spite of Peggy's prophecy that Susan's life should not seem long, +it did seem wearisome and endless, as the years slowly uncoiled their +monotonous circles. To be sure, she might have made change for +herself, but she did not care to do it. It was, indeed, more than +"not caring," which merely implies a certain degree of vis inertiae +to be subdued before an object can be attained, and that the object +itself does not seem to be of sufficient importance to call out the +requisite energy. On the contrary, Susan exerted herself to avoid +change and variety. She had a morbid dread of new faces, which +originated in her desire to keep poor dead Willie's state a profound +secret. She had a contempt for new customs; and, indeed, her old +ways prospered so well under her active hand and vigilant eye, that +it was difficult to know how they could be improved upon. She was +regularly present in Coniston market with the best butter and the +earliest chickens of the season. Those were the common farm produce +that every farmer's wife about had to sell; but Susan, after she had +disposed of the more feminine articles, turned to on the man's side. +A better judge of a horse or cow there was not in all the country +round. Yorkshire itself might have attempted to jockey her, and +would have failed. Her corn was sound and clean; her potatoes well +preserved to the latest spring. People began to talk of the hoards +of money Susan Dixon must have laid up somewhere; and one young +ne'er-do-weel of a farmer's son undertook to make love to the woman +of forty, who looked fifty-five, if a day. He made up to her by +opening a gate on the road-path home, as she was riding on a bare- +backed horse, her purchase not an hour ago. She was off before him, +refusing his civility; but the remounting was not so easy, and rather +than fail she did not choose to attempt it. She walked, and he +walked alongside, improving his opportunity, which, as he vainly +thought, had been consciously granted to him. As they drew near Yew +Nook, he ventured on some expression of a wish to keep company with +her. His words were vague and clumsily arranged. Susan turned round +and coolly asked him to explain himself, he took courage, as he +thought of her reputed wealth, and expressed his wishes this second +time pretty plainly. To his surprise, the reply she made was in a +series of smart strokes across his shoulders, administered through +the medium of a supple hazel-switch. + +"Take that!" said she, almost breathless, "to teach thee how thou +darest make a fool of an honest woman old enough to be thy mother. +If thou com'st a step nearer the house, there's a good horse-pool, +and there's two stout fellows who'll like no better fun than ducking +thee. Be off wi' thee!" + +And she strode into her own premises, never looking round to see +whether he obeyed her injunction or not. + +Sometimes three or four years would pass over without her hearing +Michael Hurst's name mentioned. She used to wonder at such times +whether he were dead or alive. She would sit for hours by the dying +embers of her fire on a winter's evening, trying to recall the scenes +of her youth; trying to bring up living pictures of the faces she had +then known--Michael's most especially. She thought it was possible, +so long had been the lapse of years, that she might now pass by him +in the street unknowing and unknown. His outward form she might not +recognize, but himself she should feel in the thrill of her whole +being. He could not pass her unawares. + +What little she did hear about him, all testified a downward +tendency. He drank--not at stated times when there was no other work +to be done, but continually, whether it was seed-time or harvest. +His children were all ill at the same time; then one died, while the +others recovered, but were poor sickly things. No one dared to give +Susan any direct intelligence of her former lover; many avoided all +mention of his name in her presence; but a few spoke out either in +indifference to, or ignorance of, those bygone days. Susan heard +every word, every whisper, every sound that related to him. But her +eye never changed, nor did a muscle of her face move. + +Late one November night she sat over her fire; not a human being +besides herself in the house; none but she had ever slept there since +Willie's death. The farm-labourers had foddered the cattle and gone +home hours before. There were crickets chirping all round the warm +hearth-stones; there was the clock ticking with the peculiar beat +Susan had known from her childhood, and which then and ever since she +had oddly associated within the idea of a mother and child talking +together, one loud tick, and quick--a feeble, sharp one following. + +The day had been keen, and piercingly cold. The whole lift of heaven +seemed a dome of iron. Black and frost-bound was the earth under the +cruel east wind. Now the wind had dropped, and as the darkness had +gathered in, the weather-wise old labourers prophesied snow. The +sounds in the air arose again, as Susan sat still and silent. They +were of a different character to what they had been during the +prevalence of the east wind. Then they had been shrill and piping; +now they were like low distant growling; not unmusical, but strangely +threatening. Susan went to the window, and drew aside the little +curtain. The whole world was white--the air was blinded with the +swift and heavy fall of snow. At present it came down straight, but +Susan knew those distant sounds in the hollows and gulleys of the +hills portended a driving wind and a more cruel storm. She thought +of her sheep; were they all folded? the new-born calf, was it bedded +well? Before the drifts were formed too deep for her to pass in and +out--and by the morning she judged that they would be six or seven +feet deep--she would go out and see after the comfort of her beasts. +She took a lantern, and tied a shawl over her head, and went out into +the open air. She had tenderly provided for all her animals, and was +returning, when, borne on the blast as if some spirit-cry--for it +seemed to come rather down from the skies than from any creature +standing on earth's level--she heard a voice of agony; she could not +distinguish words; it seemed rather as if some bird of prey was being +caught in the whirl of the icy wind, and torn and tortured by its +violence. Again up high above! Susan put down her lantern, and +shouted loud in return; it was an instinct, for if the creature were +not human, which she had doubted but a moment before, what good could +her responding cry do? And her cry was seized on by the tyrannous +wind, and borne farther away in the opposite direction to that from +which the call of agony had proceeded. Again she listened; no sound: +then again it rang through space; and this time she was sure it was +human. She turned into the house, and heaped turf and wood on the +fire, which, careless of her own sensations, she had allowed to fade +and almost die out. She put a new candle in her lantern; she changed +her shawl for a maud, and leaving the door on latch, she sallied out. +Just at the moment when her ear first encountered the weird noises of +the storm, on issuing forth into the open air, she thought she heard +the words, "O God! O help!" They were a guide to her, if words they +were, for they came straight from a rock not a quarter of a mile from +Yew Nook, but only to be reached, on account of its precipitous +character, by a round-about path. Thither she steered, defying wind +and snow; guided by here a thorn-tree, there an old, doddered oak, +which had not quite lest their identity under the whelming mask of +snow. Now and then she stopped to listen; but never a word or sound +heard she, till right from where the copse-wood grew thick and +tangled at the base of the rock, round which she was winding, she +heard a moan. Into the brake--all snow in appearance--almost a plain +of snow looked on from the little eminence where she stood--she +plunged, breaking down the bush, stumbling, bruising herself, +fighting her way; her lantern held between her teeth, and she herself +using head as well as hands to butt away a passage, at whatever cost +of bodily injury. As she climbed or staggered, owing to the +unevenness of the snow-covered ground, where the briars and weeds of +years were tangled and matted together, her foot felt something +strangely soft and yielding. She lowered her lantern; there lay a +man, prone on his face, nearly covered by the fast-falling flakes; he +must have fallen from the rock above, as, not knowing of the +circuitous path, he had tried to descend its steep, slippery face. +Who could tell? it was no time for thinking. Susan lifted him up +with her wiry strength; he gave no help--no sign of life; but for all +that he might be alive: he was still warm; she tied her maud round +him; she fastened the lantern to her apron-string; she held him +tight: half-carrying, half-dragging--what did a few bruises signify +to him, compared to dear life, to precious life! She got him through +the brake, and down the path. There, for an instant, she stopped to +take breath; but, as if stung by the Furies, she pushed on again with +almost superhuman strength. Clasping him round the waist, and +leaning his dead weight against the lintel of the door, she tried to +undo the latch; but now, just at this moment, a trembling faintness +came over her, and a fearful dread took possession of her--that here, +on the very threshold of her home, she might be found dead, and +buried under the snow, when the farm-servants came in the morning. +This terror stirred her up to one more effort. Then she and her +companion were in the warmth of the quiet haven of that kitchen; she +laid him on the settle, and sank on the floor by his side. How long +she remained in this swoon she could not tell; not very long she +judged by the fire, which was still red and sullenly glowing when she +came to herself. She lighted the candle, and bent over her late +burden to ascertain if indeed he were dead. She stood long gazing. +The man lay dead. There could be no doubt about it. His filmy eyes +glared at her, unshut. But Susan was not one to be affrighted by the +stony aspect of death. It was not that; it was the bitter, woeful +recognition of Michael Hurst! + +She was convinced he was dead; but after a while she refused to +believe in her conviction. She stripped off his wet outer-garments +with trembling, hurried hands. She brought a blanket down from her +own bed; she made up the fire. She swathed him in fresh, warm +wrappings, and laid him on the flags before the fire, sitting herself +at his head, and holding it in her lap, while she tenderly wiped his +loose, wet hair, curly still, although its colour had changed from +nut-brown to iron-gray since she had seen it last. From time to time +she bent over the face afresh, sick, and fain to believe that the +flicker of the fire-light was some slight convulsive motion. But the +dim, staring eyes struck chill to her heart. At last she ceased her +delicate, busy cares: but she still held the head softly, as if +caressing it. She thought over all the possibilities and chances in +the mingled yarn of their lives that might, by so slight a turn, have +ended far otherwise. If her mother's cold had been early tended, so +that the responsibility as to her brother's weal or woe had not +fallen upon her; if the fever had not taken such rough, cruel hold on +Will; nay, if Mrs. Gale, that hard, worldly sister, had not +accompanied him on his last visit to Yew Nook--his very last before +this fatal, stormy might; if she had heard his cry,--cry uttered by +these pale, dead lips with such wild, despairing agony, not yet three +hours ago!--O! if she had but heard it sooner, he might have been +saved before that blind, false step had precipitated him down the +rock! In going over this weary chain of unrealized possibilities, +Susan learnt the force of Peggy's words. Life was short, looking +back upon it. It seemed but yesterday since all the love of her +being had been poured out, and run to waste. The intervening years-- +the long monotonous years that had turned her into an old woman +before her time--were but a dream. + +The labourers coming in the dawn of the winter's day were surprised +to see the fire-light through the low kitchen-window. They knocked, +and hearing a moaning answer, they entered, fearing that something +had befallen their mistress. For all explanation they got these +words + +"It is Michael Hurst. He was belated, and fell down the Raven's +Crag. Where does Eleanor, his wife, live?" + +How Michael Hurst got to Yew Nook no one but Susan ever knew. They +thought he had dragged himself there, with some sore internal bruise +sapping away his minuted life. They could not have believed the +superhuman exertion which had first sought him out, and then dragged +him hither. Only Susan knew of that. + +She gave him into the charge of her servants, and went out and +saddled her horse. Where the wind had drifted the snow on one side, +and the road was clear and bare, she rode, and rode fast; where the +soft, deceitful heaps were massed up, she dismounted and led her +steed, plunging in deep, with fierce energy, the pain at her heart +urging her onwards with a sharp, digging spur. + +The gray, solemn, winter's noon was more night-like than the depth of +summer's night; dim-purple brooded the low skies over the white +earth, as Susan rode up to what had been Michael Hurst's abode while +living. It was a small farm-house carelessly kept outside, +slatternly tended within. The pretty Nelly Hebthwaite was pretty +still; her delicate face had never suffered from any long-enduring +feeling. If anything, its expression was that of plaintive sorrow; +but the soft, light hair had scarcely a tinge of gray; the wood-rose +tint of complexion yet remained, if not so brilliant as in youth; the +straight nose, the small mouth were untouched by time. Susan felt +the contrast even at that moment. She knew that her own skin was +weather-beaten, furrowed, brown,--that her teeth were gone, and her +hair gray and ragged. And yet she was not two years older than +Nelly,--she had not been, in youth, when she took account of these +things. Nelly stood wondering at the strange-enough horse-woman, who +stopped and panted at the door, holding her horse's bridle, and +refusing to enter. + +"Where is Michael Hurst?" asked Susan, at last. + +"Well, I can't rightly say. He should have been at home last night, +but he was off, seeing after a public-house to be let at Ulverstone, +for our farm does not answer, and we were thinking--" + +"He did not come home last night?" said Susan, cutting short the +story, and half-affirming, half-questioning, by way of letting in a +ray of the awful light before she let it full in, in its consuming +wrath. + +"No! he'll be stopping somewhere out Ulverstone ways. I'm sure we've +need of him at home, for I've no one but lile Tommy to help me tend +the beasts. Things have not gone well with us, and we don't keep a +servant now. But you're trembling all over, ma'am. You'd better +come in, and take something warm, while your horse rests. That's the +stable-door, to your left." + +Susan took her horse there; loosened his girths, and rubbed him down +with a wisp of straw. Then she hooked about her for hay; but the +place was bare of feed, and smelt damp and unused. She went to the +house, thankful for the respite, and got some clap-bread, which she +mashed up in a pailful of lukewarm water. Every moment was a +respite, and yet every moment made her dread the more the task that +lay before her. It would be longer than she thought at first. She +took the saddle off, and hung about her horse, which seemed, somehow, +more like a friend than anything else in the world. She laid her +cheek against its neck, and rested there, before returning to the +house for the last time. + +Eleanor had brought down one of her own gowns, which hung on a chair +against the fire, and had made her unknown visitor a cup of hot tea. +Susan could hardly bear all these little attentions: they choked +her, and yet she was so wet, so weak with fatigue and excitement, +that she could neither resist by voice or by action. Two children +stood awkwardly about, puzzled at the scene, and even Eleanor began +to wish for some explanation of who her strange visitor was. + +"You've, maybe, heard him speaking of me? I'm called Susan Dixon." + +Nelly coloured, and avoided meeting Susan's eye. + +"I've heard other folk speak of you. He never named your name." + +This respect of silence came like balm to Susan: balm not felt or +heeded at the time it was applied, but very grateful in its effects +for all that. + +"He is at my house," continued Susan, determined not to stop or +quaver in the operation--the pain which must be inflicted. + +"At your house? Yew Nook?" questioned Eleanor, surprised. "How came +he there?"--half jealously. "Did he take shelter from the coming +storm? Tell me,--there is something--tell me, woman!" + +"He took no shelter. Would to God he had!" + +"O! would to God! would to God!" shrieked out Eleanor, learning all +from the woful import of those dreary eyes. Her cries thrilled +through the house; the children's piping wailings and passionate +cries on "Daddy! Daddy!" pierced into Susan's very marrow. But she +remained as still and tearless as the great round face upon the +clock. + +At last, in a lull of crying, she said,--not exactly questioning, but +as if partly to herself - + +"You loved him, then?" + +"Loved him! he was my husband! He was the father of three bonny +bairns that lie dead in Grasmere churchyard. I wish you'd go, Susan +Dixon, and let me weep without your watching me! I wish you'd never +come near the place." + +"Alas! alas! it would not have brought him to life. I would have +laid down my own to save his. My life has been so very sad! No one +would have cared if I had died. Alas! alas!" + +The tone in which she said this was so utterly mournful and +despairing that it awed Nelly into quiet for a time. But by-and-by +she said, "I would not turn a dog out to do it harm; but the night is +clear, and Tommy shall guide you to the Red Cow. But, oh, I want to +be alone! If you'll come back to-morrow, I'll be better, and I'll +hear all, and thank you for every kindness you have shown him,--and I +do believe you've showed him kindness,--though I don't know why." + +Susan moved heavily and strangely. + +She said something--her words came thick and unintelligible. She had +had a paralytic stroke since she had last spoken. She could not go, +even if she would. Nor did Eleanor, when she became aware of the +state of the case, wish her to leave. She had her laid on her own +bed, and weeping silently all the while for her lest husband, she +nursed Susan like a sister. She did not know what her guest's +worldly position might be; and she might never be repaid. But she +sold many a little trifle to purchase such small comforts as Susan +needed. Susan, lying still and motionless, learnt much. It was not +a severe stroke; it might be the forerunner of others yet to come, +but at some distance of time. But for the present she recovered, and +regained much of her former health. On her sick-bed she matured her +plans. When she returned to Yew Nook, she took Michael Hurst's widow +and children with her to live there, and fill up the haunted hearth +with living forms that should banish the ghosts. + +And so it fell out that the latter days of Susan Dixon's life were +better than the former. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext Half a Life-Time Ago, by Elizabeth Gaskell + diff --git a/old/hlflf10.zip b/old/hlflf10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9000c2e --- /dev/null +++ b/old/hlflf10.zip |
