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diff --git a/old/hlfbr10.txt b/old/hlfbr10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fb0811e --- /dev/null +++ b/old/hlfbr10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,737 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Half-Brothers by Elizabeth Gaskell +#7 in our series by Elizabeth Gaskell + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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She never spoke of her first husband, +and it is only from other people that I have learnt what little I +know about him. I believe she was scarcely seventeen when she was +married to him: and he was barely one-and-twenty. He rented a small +farm up in Cumberland, somewhere towards the sea-coast; but he was +perhaps too young and inexperienced to have the charge of land and +cattle: anyhow, his affairs did not prosper, and he fell into ill +health, and died of consumption before they had been three years man +and wife, leaving my mother a young widow of twenty, with a little +child only just able to walk, and the farm on her hands for four +years more by the lease, with half the stock on it dead, or sold off +one by one to pay the more pressing debts, and with no money to +purchase more, or even to buy the provisions needed for the small +consumption of every day. There was another child coming, too; and +sad and sorry, I believe, she was to think of it. A dreary winter +she must have had in her lonesome dwelling, with never another near +it for miles around; her sister came to bear her company, and they +two planned and plotted how to make every penny they could raise go +as far as possible. I can't tell you how it happened that my little +sister, whom I never saw, came to sicken and die; but, as if my poor +mother's cup was not full enough, only a fortnight before Gregory was +born the little girl took ill of scarlet fever, and in a week she lay +dead. My mother was, I believe, just stunned with this last blow. +My aunt has told me that she did not cry; aunt Fanny would have been +thankful if she had; but she sat holding the poor wee lassie's hand +and looking in her pretty, pale, dead face, without so much as +shedding a tear. And it was all the same, when they had to take her +away to be buried. She just kissed the child, and sat her down in +the window-seat to watch the little black train of people +(neighbours--my aunt, and one far-off cousin, who were all the +friends they could muster) go winding away amongst the snow, which +had fallen thinly over the country the night before. When my aunt +came back from the funeral, she found my mother in the same place, +and as dry-eyed as ever. So she continued until after Gregory was +born; and, somehow, his coming seemed to loosen the tears, and she +cried day and night, till my aunt and the other watcher looked at +each other in dismay, and would fain have stopped her if they had but +known how. But she bade them let her alone, and not be over-anxious, +for every drop she shed eased her brain, which had been in a terrible +state before for want of the power to cry. She seemed after that to +think of nothing but her new little baby; she had hardly appeared to +remember either her husband or her little daughter that lay dead in +Brigham churchyard--at least so aunt Fanny said, but she was a great +talker, and my mother was very silent by nature, and I think aunt +Fanny may have been mistaken in believing that my mother never +thought of her husband and child just because she never spoke about +them. Aunt Fanny was older than my mother, and had a way of treating +her like a child; but, for all that, she was a kind, warm-hearted +creature, who thought more of her sister's welfare than she did of +her own and it was on her bit of money that they principally lived, +and on what the two could earn by working for the great Glasgow +sewing-merchants. But by-and-by my mother's eye-sight began to fail. +It was not that she was exactly blind, for she could see well enough +to guide herself about the house, and to do a good deal of domestic +work; but she could no longer do fine sewing and earn money. It must +have been with the heavy crying she had had in her day, for she was +but a young creature at this time, and as pretty a young woman, I +have heard people say, as any on the country side. She took it sadly +to heart that she could no longer gain anything towards the keep of +herself and her child. My aunt Fanny would fain have persuaded her +that she had enough to do in managing their cottage and minding +Gregory; but my mother knew that they were pinched, and that aunt +Fanny herself had not as much to eat, even of the commonest kind of +food, as she could have done with; and as for Gregory, he was not a +strong lad, and needed, not more food--for he always had enough, +whoever went short--but better nourishment, and more flesh-meat. One +day--it was aunt Fanny who told me all this about my poor mother, +long after her death--as the sisters were sitting together, aunt +Fanny working, and my mother hushing Gregory to sleep, William +Preston, who was afterwards my father, came in. He was reckoned an +old bachelor; I suppose he was long past forty, and he was one of the +wealthiest farmers thereabouts, and had known my grandfather well, +and my mother and my aunt in their more prosperous days. He sat +down, and began to twirl his hat by way of being agreeable; my aunt +Fanny talked, and he listened and looked at my mother. But he said +very little, either on that visit, or on many another that he paid +before he spoke out what had been the real purpose of his calling so +often all along, and from the very first time he came to their house. +One Sunday, however, my aunt Fanny stayed away from church, and took +care of the child, and my mother went alone. When she came back, she +ran straight upstairs, without going into the kitchen to look at +Gregory or speak any word to her sister, and aunt Fanny heard her cry +as if her heart was breaking; so she went up and scolded her right +well through the bolted door, till at last she got her to open it. +And then she threw herself on my aunt's neck, and told her that +William Preston had asked her to marry him, and had promised to take +good charge of her boy, and to let him want for nothing, neither in +the way of keep nor of education, and that she had consented. Aunt +Fanny was a good deal shocked at this; for, as I have said, she had +often thought that my mother had forgotten her first husband very +quickly, and now here was proof positive of it, if she could so soon +think of marrying again. Besides as aunt Fanny used to say, she +herself would have been a far more suitable match for a man of +William Preston's age than Helen, who, though she was a widow, had +not seen her four-and-twentieth summer. However, as aunt Fanny said, +they had not asked her advice; and there was much to be said on the +other side of the question. Helen's eyesight would never be good for +much again, and as William Preston's wife she would never need to do +anything, if she chose to sit with her hands before her; and a boy +was a great charge to a widowed mother; and now there would be a +decent steady man to see after him. So, by-and-by, aunt Fanny seemed +to take a brighter view of the marriage than did my mother herself, +who hardly ever looked up, and never smiled after the day when she +promised William Preston to be his wife. But much as she had loved +Gregory before, she seemed to love him more now. She was continually +talking to him when they were alone, though he was far too young to +understand her moaning words, or give her any comfort, except by his +caresses. + +At last William Preston and she were wed; and she went to be mistress +of a well-stocked house, not above half-an-hour's walk from where +aunt Fanny lived. I believe she did all that she could to please my +father; and a more dutiful wife, I have heard him himself say, could +never have been. But she did not love him, and he soon found it out. +She loved Gregory, and she did not love him. Perhaps, love would +have come in time, if he had been patient enough to wait; but it just +turned him sour to see how her eye brightened and her colour came at +the sight of that little child, while for him who had given her so +much, she had only gentle words as cold as ice. He got to taunt her +with the difference in her manner, as if that would bring love: and +he took a positive dislike to Gregory,--he was so jealous of the +ready love that always gushed out like a spring of fresh water when +he came near. He wanted her to love him more, and perhaps that was +all well and good; but he wanted her to love her child less, and that +was an evil wish. One day, he gave way to his temper, and cursed and +swore at Gregory, who had got into some mischief, as children will; +my mother made some excuse for him; my father said it was hard enough +to have to keep another man's child, without having it perpetually +held up in its naughtiness by his wife, who ought to be always in the +same mind that he was; and so from little they got to more; and the +end of it was, that my mother took to her bed before her time, and I +was born that very day. My father was glad, and proud, and sorry, +all in a breath; glad and proud that a son was born to him; and sorry +for his poor wife's state, and to think how his angry words had +brought it on. But he was a man who liked better to be angry than +sorry, so he soon found out that it was all Gregory's fault, and owed +him an additional grudge for having hastened my birth. He had +another grudge against him before long. My mother began to sink the +day after I was born. My father sent to Carlisle for doctors, and +would have coined his heart's blood into gold to save her, if that +could have been; but it could not. My aunt Fanny used to say +sometimes, that she thought that Helen did not wish to live, and so +just let herself die away without trying to take hold on life; but +when I questioned her, she owned that my mother did all the doctors +bade her do, with the same sort of uncomplaining patience with which +she had acted through life. One of her last requests was to have +Gregory laid in her bed by my side, and then she made him take hold +of my little hand. Her husband came in while she was looking at us +so, and when he bent tenderly over her to ask her how she felt now, +and seemed to gaze on us two little half-brothers, with a grave sort +of kindness, she looked up in his face and smiled, almost her first +smile at him; and such a sweet smile! as more besides aunt Fanny have +said. In an hour she was dead. Aunt Fanny came to live with us. It +was the best thing that could be done. My father would have been +glad to return to his old mode of bachelor life, but what could he do +with two little children? He needed a woman to take care of him, and +who so fitting as his wife's elder sister? So she had the charge of +me from my birth; and for a time I was weakly, as was but natural, +and she was always beside me, night and day watching over me, and my +father nearly as anxious as she. For his land had come down from +father to son for more than three hundred years, and he would have +cared for me merely as his flesh and blood that was to inherit the +land after him. But he needed something to love, for all that, to +most people, he was a stern, hard man, and he took to me as, I fancy, +he had taken to no human being before--as he might have taken to my +mother, if she had had no former life for him to be jealous of. I +loved him back again right heartily. I loved all around me, I +believe, for everybody was kind to me. After a time, I overcame my +original weakness of constitution, and was just a bonny, strong- +looking lad whom every passer-by noticed, when my father took me with +him to the nearest town. + +At home I was the darling of my aunt, the tenderly-beloved of my +father, the pet and plaything of the old domestics, the "young +master" of the farm-labourers, before whom I played many a lordly +antic, assuming a sort of authority which sat oddly enough, I doubt +not, on such a baby as I was. + +Gregory was three years older than I. Aunt Fanny was always kind to +him in deed and in action, but she did not often think about him, she +had fallen so completely into the habit of being engrossed by me, +from the fact of my having come into her charge as a delicate baby. +My father never got over his grudging dislike to his stepson, who had +so innocently wrestled with him for the possession of my mother's +heart. I mistrust me, too, that my father always considered him as +the cause of my mother's death and my early delicacy; and utterly +unreasonable as this may seem, I believe my father rather cherished +his feeling of alienation to my brother as a duty, than strove to +repress it. Yet not for the world would my father have grudged him +anything that money could purchase. That was, as it were, in the +bond when he had wedded my mother. Gregory was lumpish and loutish, +awkward and ungainly, marring whatever he meddled in, and many a hard +word and sharp scolding did he get from the people about the farm, +who hardly waited till my father's back was turned before they rated +the stepson. I am ashamed--my heart is sore to think how I fell into +the fashion of the family, and slighted my poor orphan step-brother. +I don't think I ever scouted him, or was wilfully ill-natured to him; +but the habit of being considered in all things, and being treated as +something uncommon and superior, made me insolent in my prosperity, +and I exacted more than Gregory was always willing to grant, and +then, irritated, I sometimes repeated the disparaging words I had +heard others use with regard to him, without fully understanding +their meaning. Whether he did or not I cannot tell. I am afraid he +did. He used to turn silent and quiet--sullen and sulky, my father +thought it: stupid, aunt Fanny used to call it. But every one said +he was stupid and dull, and this stupidity and dullness grew upon +him. He would sit without speaking a word, sometimes, for hours; +then my father would bid him rise and do some piece of work, maybe, +about the farm. And he would take three or four tellings before he +would go. When we were sent to school, it was all the same. He +could never be made to remember his lessons; the school-master grew +weary of scolding and flogging, and at last advised my father just to +take him away, and set him to some farm-work that might not be above +his comprehension. I think he was more gloomy and stupid than ever +after this, yet he was not a cross lad; he was patient and good- +natured, and would try to do a kind turn for any one, even if they +had been scolding or cuffing him not a minute before. But very often +his attempts at kindness ended in some mischief to the very people he +was trying to serve, owing to his awkward, ungainly ways. I suppose +I was a clever lad; at any rate, I always got plenty of praise; and +was, as we called it, the cock of the school. The schoolmaster said +I could learn anything I chose, but my father, who had no great +learning himself, saw little use in much for me, and took me away +betimes, and kept me with him about the farm. Gregory was made into +a kind of shepherd, receiving his training under old Adam, who was +nearly past his work. I think old Adam was almost the first person +who had a good opinion of Gregory. He stood to it that my brother +had good parts, though he did not rightly know how to bring them out; +and, for knowing the bearings of the Fells, he said he had never seen +a lad like him. My father would try to bring Adam round to speak of +Gregory's faults and shortcomings; but, instead of that, he would +praise him twice as much, as soon as he found out what was my +father's object. + +One winter-time, when I was about sixteen, and Gregory nineteen, I +was sent by my father on an errand to a place about seven miles +distant by the road, but only about four by the Fells. He bade me +return by the road, whichever way I took in going, for the evenings +closed in early, and were often thick and misty; besides which, old +Adam, now paralytic and bedridden, foretold a downfall of snow before +long. I soon got to my journey's end, and soon had done my business; +earlier by an hour, I thought, than my father had expected, so I took +the decision of the way by which I would return into my own hands, +and set off back again over the Fells, just as the first shades of +evening began to fall. It looked dark and gloomy enough; but +everything was so still that I thought I should have plenty of time +to get home before the snow came down. Off I set at a pretty quick +pace. But night came on quicker. The right path was clear enough in +the day-time, although at several points two or three exactly similar +diverged from the same place; but when there was a good light, the +traveller was guided by the sight of distant objects,--a piece of +rock,--a fall in the ground--which were quite invisible to me now. I +plucked up a brave heart, however, and took what seemed to me the +right road. It was wrong, nevertheless, and led me whither I knew +not, but to some wild boggy moor where the solitude seemed painful, +intense, as if never footfall of man had come thither to break the +silence. I tried to shout--with the dimmest possible hope of being +heard--rather to reassure myself by the sound of my own voice; but my +voice came husky and short, and yet it dismayed me; it seemed so +weird and strange, in that noiseless expanse of black darkness. +Suddenly the air was filled thick with dusky flakes, my face and +hands were wet with snow. It cut me off from the slightest knowledge +of where I was, for I lost every idea of the direction from which I +had come, so that I could not even retrace my steps; it hemmed me in, +thicker, thicker, with a darkness that might be felt. The boggy soil +on which I stood quaked under me if I remained long in one place, and +yet I dared not move far. All my youthful hardiness seemed to leave +me at once. I was on the point of crying, and only very shame seemed +to keep it down. To save myself from shedding tears, I shouted-- +terrible, wild shouts for bare life they were. I turned sick as I +paused to listen; no answering sound came but the unfeeling echoes. +Only the noiseless, pitiless snow kept falling thicker, thicker-- +faster, faster! I was growing numb and sleepy. I tried to move +about, but I dared not go far, for fear of the precipices which, I +knew, abounded in certain places on the Fells. Now and then, I stood +still and shouted again; but my voice was getting choked with tears, +as I thought of the desolate helpless death I was to die, and how +little they at home, sitting round the warm, red, bright fire, wotted +what was become of me,--and how my poor father would grieve for me-- +it would surely kill him--it would break his heart, poor old man! +Aunt Fanny too--was this to be the end of all her cares for me? I +began to review my life in a strange kind of vivid dream, in which +the various scenes of my few boyish years passed before me like +visions. In a pang of agony, caused by such remembrance of my short +life, I gathered up my strength and called out once more, a long, +despairing, wailing cry, to which I had no hope of obtaining any +answer, save from the echoes around, dulled as the sound might be by +the thickened air. To my surprise I heard a cry--almost as long, as +wild as mine--so wild that it seemed unearthly, and I almost thought +it must be the voice of some of the mocking spirits of the Fells, +about whom I had heard so many tales. My heart suddenly began to +beat fast and loud. I could not reply for a minute or two. I nearly +fancied I had lost the power of utterance. Just at this moment a dog +barked. Was it Lassie's bark--my brother's collie?--an ugly enough +brute, with a white, ill-looking face, that my father always kicked +whenever he saw it, partly for its own demerits, partly because it +belonged to my brother. On such occasions, Gregory would whistle +Lassie away, and go off and sit with her in some outhouse. My father +had once or twice been ashamed of himself, when the poor collie had +yowled out with the suddenness of the pain, and had relieved himself +of his self-reproach by blaming my brother, who, he said, had no +notion of training a dog, and was enough to ruin any collie in +Christendom with his stupid way of allowing them to lie by the +kitchen fire. To all which Gregory would answer nothing, nor even +seem to hear, but go on looking absent and moody. + +Yes! there again! It was Lassie's bark! Now or never! I lifted up +my voice and shouted "Lassie! Lassie! for God's sake, Lassie!" +Another moment, and the great white-faced Lassie was curving and +gambolling with delight round my feet and legs, looking, however, up +in my face with her intelligent, apprehensive eyes, as if fearing +lest I might greet her with a blow, as I had done oftentimes before. +But I cried with gladness, as I stooped down and patted her. My mind +was sharing in my body's weakness, and I could not reason, but I knew +that help was at hand. A gray figure came more and more distinctly +out of the thick, close-pressing darkness. It was Gregory wrapped in +his maud. + +"Oh, Gregory!" said I, and I fell upon his neck, unable to speak +another word. He never spoke much, and made me no answer for some +little time. Then he told me we must move, we must walk for the dear +life--we must find our road home, if possible; but we must move, or +we should be frozen to death. + +"Don't you know the way home?" asked I. + +"I thought I did when I set out, but I am doubtful now. The snow +blinds me, and I am feared that in moving about just now, I have lost +the right gait homewards." + +He had his shepherd's staff with him, and by dint of plunging it +before us at every step we took--clinging close to each other, we +went on safely enough, as far as not falling down any of the steep +rocks, but it was slow, dreary work. My brother, I saw, was more +guided by Lassie and the way she took than anything else, trusting to +her instinct. It was too dark to see far before us; but he called +her back continually, and noted from what quarter she returned, and +shaped our slow steps accordingly. But the tedious motion scarcely +kept my very blood from freezing. Every bone, every fibre in my body +seemed first to ache, and then to swell, and then to turn numb with +the intense cold. My brother bore it better than I, from having been +more out upon the hills. He did not speak, except to call Lassie. I +strove to be brave, and not complain; but now I felt the deadly fatal +sleep stealing over me. + +"I can go no farther," I said, in a drowsy tone. I remember I +suddenly became dogged and resolved. Sleep I would, were it only for +five minutes. If death were to be the consequence, sleep I would. +Gregory stood still. I suppose, he recognized the peculiar phase of +suffering to which I had been brought by the cold. + +"It is of no use," said he, as if to himself. "We are no nearer home +than we were when we started, as far as I can tell. Our only chance +is in Lassie. Here! roll thee in my maud, lad, and lay thee down on +this sheltered side of this bit of rock. Creep close under it, lad, +and I'll lie by thee, and strive to keep the warmth in us. Stay! +hast gotten aught about thee they'll know at home?" + +I felt him unkind thus to keep me from slumber, but on his repeating +the question, I pulled out my pocket-handkerchief, of some showy +pattern, which Aunt Fanny had hemmed for me--Gregory took it, and +tied it round Lassie's neck. + +"Hie thee, Lassie, hie thee home!" And the white-faced ill-favoured +brute was off like a shot in the darkness. Now I might lie down--now +I might sleep. In my drowsy stupor I felt that I was being tenderly +covered up by my brother; but what with I neither knew nor cared--I +was too dull, too selfish, too numb to think and reason, or I might +have known that in that bleak bare place there was nought to wrap me +in, save what was taken off another. I was glad enough when he +ceased his cares and lay down by me. I took his hand. + +"Thou canst not remember, lad, how we lay together thus by our dying +mother. She put thy small, wee hand in mine--I reckon she sees us +now; and belike we shall soon be with her. Anyhow, God's will be +done." + +"Dear Gregory," I muttered, and crept nearer to him for warmth. He +was talking still, and again about our mother, when I fell asleep. +In an instant--or so it seemed--there were many voices about me--many +faces hovering round me--the sweet luxury of warmth was stealing into +every part of me. I was in my own little bed at home. I am thankful +to say, my first word was "Gregory?" + +A look passed from one to another--my father's stern old face strove +in vain to keep its sternness; his mouth quivered, his eyes filled +slowly with unwonted tears. + +"I would have given him half my land--I would have blessed him as my +son,--oh God! I would have knelt at his feet, and asked him to +forgive my hardness of heart." + +I heard no more. A whirl came through my brain, catching me back to +death. + +I came slowly to my consciousness, weeks afterwards. My father's +hair was white when I recovered, and his hands shook as he looked +into my face. + +We spoke no more of Gregory. We could not speak of him; but he was +strangely in our thoughts. Lassie came and went with never a word of +blame; nay, my father would try to stroke her, but she shrank away; +and he, as if reproved by the poor dumb beast, would sigh, and be +silent and abstracted for a time. + +Aunt Fanny--always a talker--told me all. How, on that fatal night, +my father,--irritated by my prolonged absence, and probably more +anxious than he cared to show, had been fierce and imperious, even +beyond his wont, to Gregory; had upbraided him with his father's +poverty, his own stupidity which made his services good for nothing-- +for so, in spite of the old shepherd, my father always chose to +consider them. At last, Gregory had risen up, and whistled Lassie +out with him--poor Lassie, crouching underneath his chair for fear of +a kick or a blow. Some time before, there had been some talk between +my father and my aunt respecting my return; and when aunt Fanny told +me all this, she said she fancied that Gregory might have noticed the +coming storm, and gone out silently to meet me. Three hours +afterwards, when all were running about in wild alarm, not knowing +whither to go in search of me--not even missing Gregory, or heeding +his absence, poor fellow--poor, poor fellow!--Lassie came home, with +my handkerchief tied round her neck. They knew and understood, and +the whole strength of the farm was turned out to follow her, with +wraps, and blankets, and brandy, and every thing that could be +thought of. I lay in chilly sleep, but still alive, beneath the rock +that Lassie guided them to. I was covered over with my brother's +plaid, and his thick shepherd's coat was carefully wrapped round my +feet. He was in his shirt-sleeves--his arm thrown over me--a quiet +smile (he had hardly ever smiled in life) upon his still, cold face. + +My father's last words were, "God forgive me my hardness of heart +towards the fatherless child!" + +And what marked the depth of his feeling of repentance, perhaps more +than all, considering the passionate love he bore my mother, was +this: we found a paper of directions after his death, in which he +desired that he might lie at the foot of the grave, in which, by his +desire, poor Gregory had been laid with OUR MOTHER. + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg eText The Half-Brothers |