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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of No Moving Parts, by Murray F. Yaco
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: No Moving Parts
+
+Author: Murray F. Yaco
+
+Release Date: April 16, 2008 [EBook #25078]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NO MOVING PARTS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, Andrew Wainwright and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ NO MOVING PARTS
+
+
+
+
+ By MURRAY F. YACO
+
+ ILLUSTRATED by GRAYAM
+
+[Illustration: We call them trouble-shooters. They called 'em Gypsies.
+Either way, they were hep to that whole bit about....]
+
+
+Hansen was sitting at the control board in the single building on
+Communications Relay Station 43.4SC, when the emergency light flashed
+on for the first time in two hundred years.
+
+With textbook-recommended swiftness, he located the position of the ship
+sending the call, identified the ship and the name of its captain, and
+made contact.
+
+"This is Hansen on 43.4SC. Put me through to Captain Fromer."
+
+"Fromer here," said an incredible deep voice, "what the devil do you want?"
+
+"What do I want?" asked the astonished Hansen. "It was you, sir, who sent
+the emergency call."
+
+"I did no such thing," said Fromer with great certainty.
+
+"But the light flashed--"
+
+"How long have you been out of school?" Fromer asked.
+
+"Almost a year, sir, but that doesn't change the fact that--"
+
+"That you're imagining things and that you've been sitting on that asteroid
+hoping that something would happen to break the monotony. Now leave me the
+hell alone or I'll put you on report."
+
+"Now look here," Hansen began, practically beside himself with frustration,
+"I saw that emergency light go on. Maybe it was activated automatically
+when something went out of order on your ship."
+
+"I don't allow emergencies on the Euclid Queen," said Fromer with growing
+anger. "Now, if you don't--"
+
+Hansen spared himself the indignity of being cut off. He broke contact
+himself. He sighed, reached for a book entitled _Emergency Procedure
+Rules_, and settled back in his chair.
+
+Fifteen minutes later the emergency light flashed on for the second time in
+two hundred years. With its red glow illuminating his freckled excited
+face, Hansen triumphantly placed another call to the Euclid Queen.
+
+"This is Hansen on 43.4SC. Let me speak to Captain Fromer, please."
+
+"Er--the Captain has asked me to contact you. I'm the navigator. I was just
+about to call you. We have a small problem that--"
+
+"I'll speak to the Captain," Hansen repeated grimly.
+
+"Now see here. I'm perfectly capable of handling this situation. Actually,
+it's hardly even an emergency. You were, it seems, signaled automatically
+when--"
+
+"If you'll check your emergency procedures," Hansen said, holding his thumb
+in the Rule Book, "you'll note that the Relay Station Attendant contacts
+the Captain personally during all emergencies. Of course, if you want to
+violate--"
+
+"Look, old man," said the navigator, now sounding on the verge of tears,
+"try to realize the spot I'm in. Fromer has ordered me to handle this thing
+without his assistance. He seems to feel that you have a grudge of some
+kind--"
+
+"If you don't put me in touch with Captain Fromer in five minutes, I'll put
+through a call to Sector Headquarters." Hansen signaled off contact. If he
+knew nothing else about the situation, he knew that he had the upper hand.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Five minutes later Captain Fromer called him back. "I am calling in
+accordance with emergency procedures," Fromer said between clinched teeth.
+"The situation is this: We are reporting an emergency--"
+
+"What class emergency?" Hansen interrupted.
+
+"Class?" asked Fromer, obviously caught off guard.
+
+"Yes, Captain. There are three classes of emergencies. Major class, which
+would include death and injury. Mechanical class, including malfunction of
+Hegler units and such. And General class--"
+
+"Yes, yes, of course, General class by all means," Fromer said hurriedly.
+"You see, it's hardly even an emergency. We--"
+
+"Just what is the nature of the trouble, Captain?"
+
+"Why, uh, well it seems that we were doing a preliminary landing procedure
+check, and ..."
+
+"Yes, go on."
+
+"Why, er, it seems that we can't get the door open."
+
+It was Hansen's turn to be taken aback. "You're pulling my leg, sir."
+
+"I most certainly am not," Captain Fromer said emphatically.
+
+"You really mean that you can't open the door?"
+
+"I'm afraid so. Something's wrong with the mechanism. Our technical staff
+has never encountered a problem like this, and they advise me that any
+attempt at repair might possibly result in the opposite situation."
+
+"You mean not being able to get the door closed?"
+
+"Precisely. In other words, we can't land."
+
+"I see. Then I'm afraid there's nothing I can do except advise Sector
+Headquarters to send an emergency repair crew."
+
+Captain Fromer sighed. "I'm afraid so, too. How long will it take for a
+message to get there with your transmitting equipment?"
+
+"Two days, Captain. At a guess, there'll be a ship alongside within the
+week. You'll be maintaining your present position, I assume?"
+
+"Oh, we'll be here, all right," Fromer said bitterly. Then he cut contact.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+As the single occupant of a large asteroid with nothing but time and
+boredom on his hands, Hansen was enjoying the whole situation immensely. He
+allowed himself the luxury of several dozen fantasies in which his name was
+mentioned prominently in galaxy-wide reports of the episode. He imagined
+that Captain Fromer was also creating vivid accounts--of quite another
+sort--that would soon be amusing several hundred billion news-hungry
+citizens of the Federation.
+
+When the repair ship arrived, it came, to Hansen's astonishment, to the
+asteroid, and not alongside Fromer's ship. He soon found out that there was
+someone else who shared the Captain's embarrassment.
+
+"I'm Bullard," said a tall, thin, mournful man. "Mind if I sit?"
+
+"Help yourself," Hansen waved a hand toward the meager accommodations. He
+had no idea why a Senior Engineer was being so deferential, but he enjoyed
+the feeling of power.
+
+"You're probably wondering about a lot of things," Bullard began sadly.
+"Frankly, we don't have any ideas about how we can fix Captain Fromer's
+door." He waited to let that sink in. Then he continued: "It took us three
+days back at the base to find out that when these ships were built, almost
+five hundred years ago, nobody bothered to include detail drawings of the
+door mechanism."
+
+"But why? You certainly know how to build--"
+
+"We know how to build Star Class ships, sure. We've built a few in the
+past century or two. There's never been need for replacement, really.
+These ships are designed to last forever. The original fleet was
+conceived to fill the System's needs for a full thousand years."
+
+"But the doors on the few ships that have been built. How--"
+
+"The ship's we've built were exact duplicates of Captain Fromer's
+ship--except for the door." Bullard's long face radiated despair. "No
+one ever questioned why the door mechanism wasn't included in the
+original plans. We simply designed another type--a different type--of
+door."
+
+"Well, you certainly can find out how this particular door works, can't
+you?"
+
+"I hope so," Bullard said, wringing his hands. "But we have a couple of
+other problems. Number one, Captain Fromer has an extremely important
+passenger aboard. None other than His Exalted Excellency, R'thagna Bar.
+He is--or was--on his way home after concluding a treaty of friendship
+with the President of the Federation."
+
+Hansen managed a whistle.
+
+"Furthermore," Bullard continued, "His Excellency _has to be home soon_ to
+get there in time for the mating season. This occurs once in a lifetime,
+I'm told, and this is his only chance to continue the ancestral rule--"
+
+"Wait a minute," Hansen said. "Are you trying to say that you can't solve a
+simple problem like getting him home and getting him out of the ship? You
+can always cut it in two, can't you?"
+
+"These ships were made to last forever," Bullard explained. "The hull is,
+of course, pseudo-met, but, not the kind of pseudo-met used for other
+applications. In short, about the only way you'll get in that ship is to
+vaporize it."
+
+"But can't you simply disassemble the door mechanism? My God, how
+complicated can it be?"
+
+"We're going to try to do just that," Bullard said without a trace of
+confidence. "As far as the complication goes, let me say just this: it's
+full of moving parts."
+
+"What are you getting at?" Hansen asked.
+
+"Just this. These ships are perfect mechanisms. There is hardly anything in
+them that could be called a moving part. Now a door has to open and close.
+Sure, we devised a simple, safe way to do it a few hundred years after the
+original fleet was built. The men who designed the original door mechanism
+felt, perhaps, that it was incongruous to include it in the first place.
+Maybe that is why they threw away the plans. God knows, it is incongruous.
+Look! Here's a photo we took of one in a ship back at base."
+
+Hansen scanned the photograph. It was a meaningless jumble. He handed it
+back. "Well, make yourself at home. I'm afraid that the only thing I can
+help with will be radio communication to Captain Fromer's ship."
+
+"Good enough," Bullard said. "I'm expecting someone else tomorrow. After
+you bring him down, feel free to drop over and see me anytime."
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Bullard went back to his ship, and Hansen went to bed. He dreamed of His
+Exalted Excellency R'thagna Bar, growing angrier day by day as the time of
+mating came closer. In his dream he suddenly came upon a magnificent
+solution to the problem, a solution involving a telepathic system of
+fertilization. He woke up before he had completely worked out the details.
+
+Bullard's friend arrived the same morning. He was a small, dark active
+little man whom Hansen immediately disliked.
+
+"Meet Dr. Quemos," Bullard said when Hansen dropped in on them. "Dr. Quemos
+is a specialist in the history of technology. He thinks he knows how our
+cute little door mechanism is made."
+
+"Can't say for sure," Quemos said, "but I'd guess that those components are
+made of metal--real metal."
+
+"I thought that metal was used only in jewelry," Hansen said.
+
+Dr. Quemos grinned slyly. "That's what most people think. Actually, refined
+metal of various types was used in large masses, formed masses, for
+thousands of years. Historically speaking, the pseudo-mets are relatively
+new."
+
+"It's difficult to imagine metal functioning as machinery," Hansen mused.
+
+"And you say that this door mechanism has moving parts, lots of them?"
+
+"Moving parts are nothing to be afraid of," Quemos said. "Here, look at
+this." He put something small on the table, much in the manner of a young
+boy dropping a garter snake in the midst of school girls. Bullard and
+Hansen crowded around. "Now, take turns," said Quemos sharply, "and don't
+drop it. It's priceless, I assure you." The ancient wrist watch with its
+transparent back was passed from hand to hand.
+
+"Frightening little monster, isn't it," Bullard said.
+
+"Those small round wheels are called gears," elucidated Quemos, "one gear
+turns another, which turns another, and so on. I rather imagine that your
+door is operated on some similar principle."
+
+"I seem to be the one who asks all the schoolboy questions," Hansen began,
+"would somebody tell me why Captain Fromer doesn't take His Excellency to
+his home planet, land the ship, and then let his technical staff tear off
+the door mechanism?"
+
+"We've gone through that," Bullard said wearily. "Unfortunately we need
+special tools. And there's no way to get them into the ship."
+
+"Can I speak to Captain Fromer?" Quemos asked.
+
+"Right away," Hansen said. He pressed his hand in various patterns on his
+belt. "This is Hansen. Let us talk to Captain Fromer, please."
+
+"Fromer here. Who is it?"
+
+"Dr. Quemos speaking. How is your passenger?"
+
+"My passenger is fine. But he keeps telling me that he is very anxious to
+plant his seed. When can you get us out of here?"
+
+"Plant his seed?" said Quemos.
+
+"There's nothing salacious about this, I've been assured. He simply has a
+biological craving at this time in his life to--to plant his seed."
+
+"I got problems like that, too," Bullard said, "but I don't go around
+telling everybody."
+
+ * * * * *
+
+"Stop clowning," Fromer snapped, "you guys better find a way to fix this
+damn door or you'll have a galactic war on your hands. Anybody have any
+ideas yet?"
+
+"We're sure that the door mechanism is made of metal," Quemos said, "and
+the construction is probably based on the principal of a worm gear."
+
+"A what?"
+
+"A worm gear, Captain," Quemos said patiently. "It's an ancient metal
+device that was sometimes used for closing large doors. There is also the
+possibility that the door is closed and opened by dogs. These seem to have
+been used, at least, to operate doors of undersea crafts. Although we're
+not quite certain about the function of dogs."
+
+The captain maintained a stony silence.
+
+"Also," Quemos continued, "we have unearthed, so to speak, a reference to a
+metal component called a babbitt--"
+
+"Now see here!" Captain Fromer roared, "who do you think you're kidding
+with this talk about worms, dogs and rabbits--"
+
+"Babbitts, Captain, babbitts! Perhaps a type of bearing. Anyway, we're at
+work on the problem, I assure you." Quemos motioned to Hansen that he was
+through talking.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+During the next three days, Hansen twice visited Bullard and Quemos.
+On each occasion, he found the two men in trance-like conditions,
+ostensibly thinking through the problem that they had been assigned to
+solve, but more probably, Hansen guessed, brooding about the reaction
+of Sector Headquarters to their daily progress reports which Hansen had
+been relaying for them. Hansen had only sympathy for the people back at
+Sector Headquarters, for if these two experts were the Galaxy's two top
+trouble-shooters, the Federation, was not, as Hansen put it to himself,
+in very good shape to fight a war with one hundred billion enraged
+citizens who worshiped His Exalted Excellency R'thagna Bar almost as
+much as they did his seed.
+
+Hansen went back to his reading, only to be interrupted with increasing
+frequency by message transmissions from an increasingly alarmed Sector
+Headquarters. Most messages were addressed to Bullard, and were bravely
+designed to disguise the senders' hysteria, while at the same time
+urging Bullard on to more magnificent efforts. A few messages, fairly
+representative of the state of affairs as time wore on reflected an
+increasing suspicion on the part of Sector Headquarters that Quemos and
+Bullard, although certainly tops in their fields, were not tops enough.
+
+
+ SEC HDQ
+ BULLARD, COM. RLY.
+ 43.4SC
+
+ PRESIDENT WOULD LIKE ESTIMATE OF WHEN DOOR WILL BE OPENED. YOU
+ SURE YOU CAN HANDLE? EMPHASIZE THAT POLITICAL SITUATION NOW
+ GETTING TOUCHY. REPEAT TOUCHY. R'THAGNA BAR CALLING ON PRESIDENT
+ TODAY TO MAKE DEMAND THAT SEED BE PLANTED ON TIME. SURE YOU
+ DON'T NEED MORE HELP?
+
+ CMD GENERAL
+
+
+ CMD GENERAL
+
+ NO HELP NEEDED. MAKING PROGRESS, ASSURE PRESIDENT. TODAY FOUND
+ OUT METAL IN MECHANISM IS VERY HARD. IN CONSTANT RADIO TOUCH
+ WITH FROMER. PASSENGER IMPATIENT BUT QUIETER. SLEEPS MORE NOW.
+ THIS SIGNIFICANT? QUEMOS DEVELOPING THEORY OF MECHANISM. SAYS
+ WILL TAKE TIME TO WORK OUT. HOW MUCH TIME WE HAVE? WHEN MUST
+ SEED BE PLANTED?
+
+ BULLARD
+
+
+ SEC. HDQ.
+ BULLARD, COM. RLY.
+ 43.4SC
+
+ MUST HAVE ESTIMATE WHEN DOOR OPENS. THIS AN ORDER. AMBASSADOR
+ THREATENING WAR. CAN'T GIVE DEADLINE OF SEED PLANTING TIME SINCE
+ SUBJECT VERY TABOO. OUR BIOLOGISTS SAY R'THAGNA BAR SLEEPY
+ SIGNIFICANT. MAY BE PRELUDE TO SEEDING TIME. TELL ABOUT QUEMOS
+ THEORY IN NEXT COMMUNICATION. WILL EVALUATE HERE. NICE TO KNOW
+ METAL IS HARD. KEEP UP GOOD WORK. PRESSURE HERE TO SEND YOU
+ HELP. PRESIDENT SAYS WHOLE FEDERATION PRAYING FOR DOOR TO BE
+ FIXED. SAYS TO HURRY UP.
+
+ CMD GENERAL
+
+
+ CMD GENERAL
+
+ NO ESTIMATE POSSIBLE. QUEMOS THEORY ALMOST COMPLETE. STATES THAT
+ MECHANISM BUILT ON PRINCIPLE OF WORM GEAR. REPEAT. WORM GEAR.
+ TODAY INSTRUCTED FROMER'S CREW TO JIGGLE MOVING PARTS OF
+ MECHANISM AT RANDOM. PARTS WOULD NOT JIGGLE. FROMER STATES THAT
+ R'THAGNA BAR SLEEPS ALL TIME AND COLOR CHANGES TO BLUE AND RED
+ ON STOMACH. THIS SIGNIFICANT?
+
+ BULLARD
+
+
+ SEC HDQ
+ BULLARD, COM. RLY
+ 43.4SC
+
+ IMPORTANT YOU AMPLIFY LAST MESSAGE. RED AND BLUE ON STOMACH? WHY
+ R'THAGNA BAR UNDRESSED? INVESTIGATE! PRESIDENT ORDERS HELP
+ SENT. HELP ON WAY. REPEAT. WHY R'THAGNA BAR UNDRESSED?
+
+ CMD GENERAL
+
+
+ CMD GENERAL
+
+ FROMER ADVISES TELL YOU SHIPS PHYSICIAN HAS PUT R'THAGNA BAR IN
+ REFRIGERATOR.
+
+ QUEMOS
+
+
+ SEC HDQ
+ QUEMOS. COM. RLY.
+ 43.4SC.
+
+ TAKE OUT OF REFRIGERATOR! THIS AN ORDER! WHY UNDRESSED?
+
+ CMD GENERAL
+
+
+ CMD GENERAL
+
+ BULLARD MAKING MODEL OF MY DRAWINGS. READY SOON. R'THAGNA BAR
+ OUT OF REFRIGERATOR AS REQUESTED BUT SHIPS PHYSICIAN VERY ANGRY
+ AND WANTS TO PUT BACK IN. COLOR ON STOMACH PINK AND YELLOW WITH
+ BLUE SQUARES. THIS SIGNIFICANT?
+
+ QUEMOS
+
+
+It went on like this for several more days. Hansen, at first amused, was
+now alarmed and completely convinced that both Quemos and Bullard were
+thoroughly useless. The messages were his only source of information, since
+both "experts" were too immersed in their work to talk with him. As his
+alarm grew, he decided that he might at least try to strike up a friendship
+with someone on board Captain Fromer's sealed ship--someone who might have
+something comforting to report. He called up the ship's navigator.
+
+"This is Hansen. How're things going up there?"
+
+"Ha!"
+
+"What's that mean? Good or bad?"
+
+"It means," the navigator said, while yawning, "that things are falling
+apart rapidly. In fact, in a day or two I don't think it'll make much
+difference whether or not they open that damn door."
+
+"You, er, care to fill me in?"
+
+"Why not?" said the navigator, with the voice of a man who knows that it is
+too late for anything to matter. "The members of the crew are divided into
+two factions. It appears that our physician has rallied half the crew to
+support his medical contention that our exhalted passenger belongs in the
+refrigerator. The good captain, with some justice, one must admit, thinks
+that he is in command of the ship, and prefers to believe that R'thagna Bar
+belongs out of the refrigerator."
+
+"Who seems to be winning the argument?"
+
+"Argument? There's no argument, old man--it's open warfare. No weapons
+aboard, of course, but the two teams are grappling up and down the
+corridors and shuttling our exhalted passenger in and out of the ice box
+about four times each hour. Quite a sight, really. Right now he's _in_
+the refrigerator, but the other team--"
+
+"Let me know who's ahead from time to time, will you?" Hansen heard himself
+say.
+
+"Glad to oblige," the navigator said, yawning again. "Oh, incidentally,
+have they sent for help yet?"
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Hansen said with some surprise, "Why, as a matter of fact, Sector
+Headquarters is sending some help. How did you know?"
+
+"Bound to happen sooner or later, old man. When the going really gets tough
+they always get around to sending a Gypsy. Only way to get anything done,
+you know."
+
+"I don't know," Hansen said reluctantly. "Why is it that everyone knows
+except me? What, please, is a Gypsy?"
+
+"You're too young to know everything, old man," the navigator said. "You're
+especially too young to know about one of the Federation's best kept
+secrets. But you might as well, I suppose. The fact is that a Gypsy is a
+generally vagrant, dirty, thieving, clever scoundrel who will not work, who
+has absolutely no respect for order or authority, who believes that our
+institutions are effete and--"
+
+"But then why--"
+
+"Patience, patience," cautioned the navigator, haughtily, "if I am to
+reveal everything I know, I must do it in my own way. The description I
+just gave you is not necessarily true. It is simply the way that Sector
+Headquarters feels about Gypsies. Common jealousy, really. It seems that
+from time to time, our perfect little galactic society spawns men who don't
+care to be cast in the common mold. In short, there are a few men around
+with brains who don't think that it means very much to wear pretty uniforms
+or fancy titles."
+
+"Uniforms like yours?" asked Hansen.
+
+"Precisely," the navigator said sadly. "The truth of the matter is, of
+course, that I only play at being a navigator. I couldn't get this ship off
+course, if I tried. The same is true with the four engineering officers who
+stand around watching the Hegler drive units. They occasionally make a
+ceremonial adjustment, but beyond that, they simply stand around looking
+pretty."
+
+"No moving parts." Hansen said.
+
+"No moving brains, if you like. Anyway, a Gypsy has--somewhere along the
+line--learned how to do things. They'll take an emergency call about once a
+year--if they happen to feel like it. Then they charge about half a million
+credits."
+
+"You mean they have an organization, standard rates and--"
+
+"Heavens no!" the navigator said. "They hate anything that smells like
+organization. They don't even specialize in any certain kind of work. One
+year they'll be fascinated by sub-nucleonics, the next by horse racing.
+Very erratic. Can't keep attention on any one thing. Heard of one once who
+engaged in fishing and alcohol drinking. Brilliant mathematician, too. But
+he'd only take a call once every three years or so."
+
+"For a half million credits a crack, eh? You could live pretty well for
+three years on that."
+
+"Strangely enough," the navigator said thoughtfully, "they don't really
+have any interest in money. If you'd ever met one, you'd know that the high
+fee is sort of a penalty they mete out to everyone else for being so dumb."
+
+"Well, one thing for sure," Hansen said, "if Bullard and Quemos are the
+cream of the crop, I'm on the side of the Gypsies."
+
+"Ah, youth!" the navigator said, "I, too, once had such dreams--"
+
+ * * * * *
+
+"We'll see about the dreams," Hansen said, almost menacingly, "I didn't
+spend six years in that damn school just to sit around in a pretty uniform
+for the rest of my life."
+
+"Oh, you'll get used to it. In fact, you'll like it after a while. The home
+leaves. The fuss your friends will make over you when you step off the
+ship. The regular and automatic promotions in grade with the extra gold
+band added to your sleeve; the move from one outpost to an always larger
+installation. You'll never do much, of course, but why should you? After
+all, there aren't any moving parts."
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Hansen cut the communicator off. He stood there for a moment, feeling
+depressed and betrayed. Automatically he reached down and flicked imaginary
+dust from his blue sleeve with its narrow solitary gold band. Ten minutes
+later the Gypsy's ship signaled for landing.
+
+The man who walked into Hansen's control room was hardly the ogre he had
+been prepared for. He looked, Hansen was later to reflect, like Santa Claus
+with muscles in place of the fat. Wearing an almost unheard of beard and
+dressed in rough clothes, he walked across the room and made short work of
+the usual formalities. "Name's Candle," said the man. "Where's those two
+phonies I'm supposed to replace?"
+
+"You'll have to go suit up and go back through the airlock," Hansen said,
+motioning to the door. "They're in their ship. It's the one next to yours.
+Want me to tell them you're on your way over?"
+
+"Hell, no," said Candle, grinning, "I'll surprise 'em. Now, suppose you and
+me sit down and have a little chat."
+
+They sat and Candle pumped Hansen of everything he knew about the entire
+situation. An hour later, Hansen felt almost as if he had been had. "Is
+that all?" he asked, wearily.
+
+"I got the facts," Candle said. "Now let's go throw those experts out." It
+wasn't quite that simple. Neither Bullard nor Quemos had any intention of
+simply clearing out. "Who the hell you think you are," Bullard said, "to
+come over here and order us off? We didn't even ask for help. And, God
+knows, you couldn't supply it anyway." Bullard, with evident distaste, ran
+his eyes up and down Candle's clothing.
+
+Dr. Quemos had some ideas, too. "Letter of authority or no letter of
+authority," Quemos said, pointing a manicured forefinger at the paper in
+Candle's hand, "you'll ruin everything! You have no idea what you're up
+against. We've spent weeks working this thing out--"
+
+Candle grinned. "What've you worked out?"
+
+"Why--why we know that this is a metal double enveloping worm gear."
+
+"Wrong," Candle said. "It's a single enveloping worm gear. It's made of
+steel with an aluminum alloy wheel gear and the two parts have corroded and
+stuck. The whole mechanism was originally designed for submarines."
+
+Quemos started to say something, then turned and looked at Bullard for
+reassurance. "He's crazy," Bullard said, "he's making it up as he goes
+along. How could he possibly know what he's talking about? Why, there
+haven't been any submarines for centuries."
+
+"I'm tired of playing games," Candle said, no longer grinning. "The boy and
+I have work to do. You two are in the way. You'll only take up time if I
+have to work with you and show you what to do. I want you and your ship out
+of here in half an hour."
+
+"Who's going to make us?" Bullard asked with great originality.
+
+"I am."
+
+Everybody turned around to see who else had entered the conversation. It
+was Hansen. "I'm going to give you fifteen minutes, not thirty," Hansen
+said. "Then I'm going to turn the grid power on at full intensity. You can
+either use it to take off, or sit around and roast alive inside your ship."
+Candle turned and looked at Hansen with new respect. "Okay ... Let's go
+back to your place. I've still got some things to figure out."
+
+Quemos was on the verge of hysteria. "You're bluffing! You wouldn't dare.
+I'll report this!"
+
+Fifteen minutes later, the ship headed for space.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Back in Hansen's room, the two men ate a quick lunch, then sat at the table
+and talked about Candle's plans for opening the reluctant door. "The way I
+figure it," Candle said, "I think that we can handle the whole thing by
+radio. Which reminds me, one of these days I'm going to build a telescreen
+that will transmit and receive through pseudo-met. Not too difficult really
+if you approach the problem--"
+
+"I better get Fromer for you," Hansen said hurriedly.
+
+"Fromer here," said the bass voice.
+
+"This is Candle. Let me talk to one of your so-called engineering
+officers."
+
+"Who the hell--"
+
+"Shut up and go get 'em," Candle growled back. "And one more yelp out of
+you and you'll stay in that ship till you rot."
+
+There was a pause, then Fromer again, a meek Fromer. "My chief engineering
+officer is with me."
+
+"Okay. Now get this. Come to think of it, you'd better record it. Number
+one: By now you know which component is a worm gear. You will notice, I'm
+quite certain, that it engages a large notched wheel. The reason that the
+door will not move is because at the point where the two gears meet, some
+of the metal has oxidized. For possible use in future emergencies, I offer
+this explanation. The entire mechanism is subject to periodic vacuum, when
+the airlock door is operated. In between times, the mechanism is in the
+ship's atmosphere. A condition of lower oxygen content thus obtains around
+the sealed off area, and such an area is anodic--in other words, corrodible
+with respect to the surrounding areas in which oxygen has free access. Now,
+since this door has opened and closed successfully for about five hundred
+years, it appears that there's a special reason why it suddenly refuses to
+function. At a guess, you would experience this condition of intense
+corrosion only when the aluminum in the wheel gear is exposed to something
+like sodium hydroxide, and only at the point where it controls the worm
+gear. Now, has this ship landed recently within such an atmosphere?"
+
+"Three weeks ago on Ghortin IV," said the weak voice of the engineer. "We
+landed to get some pictures of the cloud formations for souvenirs. We
+dropped on the edge of a large body of water because the view was better--"
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Candle shook his head sadly and said, "You could have avoided trouble
+by coming in over the land instead of the water. The heat from the
+ship boiled the water which undoubtedly contained sodium carbonate and
+calcium hydroxide; presto, and the air was filled with clouds of sodium
+hydroxide.
+
+"I suggest that you steer away from all such wicked places in the future.
+Of course, if you'd learn how to mine ore, smelt metal, machine
+components--"
+
+"First they'd have to discover fire," Hansen said out of the corner of
+his mouth.
+
+"You're catching on, son," Candle said, out of the corner of his mouth.
+"Now, gentlemen, to open the door it will be necessary to break the
+corroded area apart. This is a large heavy mechanism, as such things go.
+Since you have no tools heavy enough to batter the corroded area apart,
+you'll have to make some."
+
+"How can we?"
+
+Candle sighed. "I wish I had time to teach you to think, but instead,
+you'll have to do as I tell you to do. I think you can probably make a
+battering ram out of water. You just--don't interrupt--find or make a long
+cylindrical container, fill it with water and quick-freeze it in your
+refrigerator--"
+
+"But they put R'thagna Bar in the refrigerator again--"
+
+"Then I suggest you get him the hell out," Candle said.
+
+An hour later ten men smashed a half-ton cylinder of ice against the
+corroded junction of the two gears. Following Candle's instructions, they
+next applied the ram to the door itself, which smoothly swung open. "You'll
+find," Candle explained, "that the only damage will be the two missing
+teeth on the aluminum gear. Since only two teeth are ever in contact at any
+time, you can simply slide the gear forward and engage it at a point where
+the teeth are intact. You'll find, I'm quite sure, that your door will
+function properly. Also, Captain, don't pull out of here until I'm aboard.
+I think I'd like to bring an assistant along, too."
+
+"An assistant?" Hansen asked.
+
+Candle twirled the ends of his long white moustache. "You, my lad, if you'd
+like to go along." He pulled a letter from his pocket and fanned the air
+with it. "I'm in complete command of this expedition--at least until His
+Exalted Excellency gets home to plant his seed."
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Hansen's face glowed. "I can't think of anything I'd rather do. Let's get a
+couple of messages off to Sector Headquarters and get on board ship."
+
+"It may not be any joy ride," Candle said thoughtfully. "You probably
+haven't heard about it, but there've been a number of ship emergencies in
+the past few weeks."
+
+"Door failures?"
+
+"No. At least none that I've heard of. But at least two Hegler drives have
+stopped working in mid space."
+
+"But, but there's nothing to stop working--"
+
+Candle's eyes twinkled. "No moving parts, eh?"
+
+Hansen reddened. "I hope I've outgrown that silly notion."
+
+Candle peered into Hansen's eyes. "I'm sure you have. I'm sure that you
+will find out a lot more things for yourself. You're the kind. And we're
+going to need a lot of your kind, because failures--failures of so-called
+perfect mechanisms--are becoming more and more commonplace." Candle
+pointed to the emergency light on the traffic control panel. "That light
+will be flashing with more and more frequency in the months to come. But
+not just to signal trouble in space. If I were a superstitious man, I'd
+think that the age of the perfect machine is about to be superseded by the
+age of the perfect failure--mechanical failures that can't be explained on
+any level. I have several friends who've been in touch with me recently
+about--"
+
+"You think that it's time for a change?"
+
+Candle smiled quickly. "That's the idea. And the truth of the matter is
+that I _am_ a superstitious man. I really believe, childishly, that the
+mechanics and motions of the galaxy may turn themselves upsidedown just to
+snap man out of his apathy and give him some work to do."
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Upsidedown turned out to be a good word. They boarded the big ship an hour
+later and were respectfully ushered into the presence of Captain Fromer and
+his staff.
+
+"We're underway," Captain Fromer said. "We'll be landing in nine days to
+deliver R'thagna Bar home."
+
+"How is he?" Hansen asked.
+
+Fromer shrugged. "He's been thawed out, frozen, and thawed out so many
+times, it's anybody's guess. Take a look for yourself."
+
+Someone pulled back a curtain to expose the recumbent, thawing, steamy form
+of His Exhalted Excellency R'thagna Bar.
+
+"Why's he undressed?" Hansen asked.
+
+"Funny, now that you mention it," Fromer said, puzzled, "why _is_ he
+undressed?"
+
+"Fascinating! Damnedest thing I've ever seen," Candle said.
+
+"What's so fascinating?" Fromer asked suspiciously, moving closer.
+
+"His belly. Never saw anything like it. Those black squares keep appearing
+and disappearing. If I've ever seen a truly random pattern--"
+
+"It started right after they froze him the first time," Fromer said
+disconsolately.
+
+"Fascinating, by Heaven," said Candle, who was now down on his hands and
+knees. "Look at that top sequence! Random, yet physiological. I've got a
+friend on Bridan III who'd trade anything for some photos of this. Get me
+some photo equipment, will you?"
+
+Captain Fromer ran his hands through what was left of his hair. "Get him
+some photo equipment," he said to no one in particular, "and somebody make
+a truce with that idiot doctor long enough to get me a sedative." About
+this time the ship turned upsidedown.
+
+"But there's no reason for it!" the chief engineer said, running
+alongside Hansen and Candle. "The ship can't turn upsidedown. Everything
+is functioning perfectly!"
+
+"Really not interested," said Candle, running down the corridor's mile-long
+ceiling. "Figure something out for yourself for a change."
+
+"But what I can't understand," said Hansen, dutifully trotting alongside,
+"is how you knew with such certainty how the door mechanism was made. Even
+if submarines _were_ built like that, you'd have no way of knowing. There
+haven't been any submarines in centuries."
+
+"The hell you say," said Candle, increasing his pace, "I built one five
+years ago."
+
+"Built one! What for?"
+
+"For the hell of it, and it was a damned good outfit, too. I found plans in
+an old museum, and had the good sense not to improve on 'em. Always
+remember, boy, that something that really works can't be improved. That's
+why the submarine mechanism was adopted--not adapted--for space. The
+so-called 'better way' they're building 'em today is simply a disguise for
+the fact that most of the gas is gone from our technology."
+
+"What happened to the submarine?"
+
+"Oh, I traded it to a friend for some falcons. You interested in falconry
+by any chance?"
+
+"Er, no. Can't say that I am."
+
+"You will be," Candle said prophetically, "you'll succumb to every
+enthusiasm man has ever been deviled with. You're the type. It's a
+disease, boy, and the big symptom isn't just curiosity, but the kind
+of intense curiosity that turns you inside out, devours you and ruins
+you for orthodoxy."
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Hansen had stopped listening. He was absorbed in trying to recall the
+pattern he had pressed on his radio belt--a pattern never taught to
+him--when the ship had suddenly turned upsidedown. Hesitantly, he played
+with the notion that he had been _thinking_ of the ship traveling
+upsidedown at the time he impressed the novel pattern on the belt. Now,
+could that have possibly ... ?
+
+The man and the boy disappeared down the ceiling, running at top speed
+to catch up as the rapidly vanishing form of R'thagna Bar was dragged and
+pulled relentlessly toward the refrigerator in a tug of war between the
+ship's wild, divided crew.
+
+"Fascinating!" said Candle. His eyes, glittering with their own peculiar
+madness, remained riveted on the distant imperial belly. "Never saw
+anything like it!"
+
+
+ THE END
+
+
+
+
+ TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES
+
+
+This etext was produced from Amazing Science Fiction Stories May 1960.
+Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on
+this publication was renewed.
+
+The following corrections have been applied:
+
+ Page 16: "{original omitted this quotation mark}You're especially
+ too young to know about one of the Federation's best kept
+ secrets.
+
+ Page 16: Hansen said with some surprise{original had surprice},
+ "Why, as a matter of fact, Sector Headquarters is sending some
+ help.
+
+ Page 19: "I'm going to give you fifteen minutes, not
+ thirty{original had thiry}," Hansen said.
+
+ Page 24: as the rapidly vanishing form of R'thagna Bar was
+ dragged and pulled relentlessly toward the refrigerator in a tug
+ of war between the ship's{original had ships'} wild, divided
+ crew.
+
+Pages 10, 11 and 19: All occurrences of "psuedo-met" have been changed to
+"pseudo-met".
+
+The inconsistencies in the use of exalted/exhalted are as in the original.
+
+Ellipses have been formatted as in the original.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of No Moving Parts, by Murray F. Yaco
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NO MOVING PARTS ***
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