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diff --git a/24333.txt b/24333.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ca71bf0 --- /dev/null +++ b/24333.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7908 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Privet Hedge, by J. E. Buckrose + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Privet Hedge + +Author: J. E. Buckrose + +Release Date: January 17, 2008 [EBook #24333] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PRIVET HEDGE *** + + + + +Produced by Al Haines + + + + +The Privet Hedge + + +By + +J. E. BUCKROSE + + + +[Transcriber's note: J. E. Buckrose is the pseudonym for Annie Edith +Jameson.] + + + +By the Same Author + + THE HOUSE WITH THE GOLDEN WINDOWS + YOUNG HEARTS + THE GIRL IN FANCY DRESS + MARRIAGE WHILE YOU WAIT + THE GOSSIP SHOP + THE SILENT LEGION + THE TALE OF MR. TUBBS + THE MATCHMAKERS + THE ROUND-ABOUT + DOWN OUR STREET + A LITTLE GREEN WORLD + BECAUSE OF JANE + LOVE IN A LITTLE TOWN + THE GREY SHEPHERD + + + +Hodder and Stoughton Limited + +London + +1921 + + + + +Contents + + +CHAP. + + I THE COTTAGE + II CAROLINE + III THE PROMENADE + IV THE THREE MEN + V THE DANCE ON THE PROMENADE + VI MORNING CALLS + VII SEA-ROKE + VIII THE HEIGHT OF THE SEASON + IX WEDDING CLOTHES + X SUNDAY NIGHT + XI THE GALA + XII THE END OF THE GALA + XIII NEXT MORNING + XIV THE CLIFF TOP + XV THE CINEMA + XVI NEW-COMERS + XVII THE BENEFIT CONCERT + XVIII UPROOTING + XIX A WINDY MORNING + XX LEVELLING + XXI ST. MARTIN'S SUMMER + XXII MORNING + XXIII ON THE SHORE + + + + + + +_Chapter I_ + +_The Cottage_ + +At the far end of Thorhaven towards the north was a little square house +surrounded by a privet hedge. It had a green door under a sort of +wooden canopy with two flat windows on either side, and seemed to stand +there defying the rows and rows of terraces, avenues and meanish +semi-detached villas which were creeping up to it. Behind lay the flat +fields under a wide sky just as they had lain for centuries, with the +gulls screaming across them inland from the mud cliffs, and so the +cottage formed a sort of outpost, facing alone the hordes of +jerry-built houses which threatened to sweep on and surround it. + +The ladies who lived at the Cottage had once been nicknamed the Misses +Canute--which showed how plainly all this could be seen, as a sort of +symbol, by anyone in the least imaginative; though it was a rather +unsatisfactory curate from Manchester who actually gave them the name. +No one felt surprised when he afterwards offended his bishop and went +into the motor business, for he suffered from that constitutional +ability to take people as seriously as they wished to be taken, which +is so bad for any career. + +Thus the curate departed, but his irreverence lived on after him for +quite a long time, because many people like a mild joke which every one +must see at once--which is ready-made--and for which they cannot be +held responsible. So this became for a little while the family jest of +Thorhaven, in no way spoiled by the fact that one sister had married a +man called Bradford and was now a widow, while the other retained the +paternal Wilson. + +The two ladies were walking together on this twenty-sixth of March, by +the side of the privet hedge which divided their garden from the large +field beyond and hid from them everything which they did not care to +see. + +Miss Ethel's name was entirely unsuited to her, but she had received it +at a period when Ethels were as thick as blackberries in every girls' +school of any pretensions; and she was not in the very least like any +Miss Amelia out of a book, though she possessed an elder sister and had +reached fifty-five without getting married. On the contrary, she +carried her head with great assurance on her spare shoulders, put her +hair in curling pins each night as punctually as she said her prayers, +and wore a well-cut, shortish tweed skirt with sensible shoes. Her +face was thin and she had a delicately-shaped, rather long nose, +together with a charmingly-shaped mouth that had grown compressed and +lost its sweetness. A mole over her right eyebrow accentuated her +habit of twitching that side of her face a little when she was nervous +or excited. + +But she was calm now, walking there with her sister, enjoying the keen +air warmed with sunshine which makes life on such a day in Thorhaven +sparkle with possibilities. + +"I'm glad," she said, "that we decided not to clip the hedge. It has +grown up until it hides that odious Emerald Avenue entirely from the +garden." + +"I can still see it from my bedroom window all the same," said Mrs. +Bradford. + +"Don't look out of your window, then!" retorted Miss Ethel sharply. + +"You take care of that," said Mrs. Bradford. "You have made the short +blinds so high that I can scarcely see over them." + +"Do you want the people in those awful little houses to see you +undressing?" demanded Miss Ethel. + +"They couldn't--not unless they used a telescope or opera glasses," +said Mrs. Bradford. And she managed to convey, by some subtle +inflexion of voice and expression--though she was a dull woman--that if +you had been married, you were not so pernickitty about such things; +and, finally, that if Emerald Avenue cared to go to that trouble it was +welcome, because she remained always invested with the mantle of Hymen. + +As a matter of fact, she had--in a way--spent her life for some years +in echoing that romantic declaration of the lady in the play: "I have +lived and loved." Only she had never said anything so vivid as +that--she simply sat down on the fact for the rest of her life in a +sort of comatose triumph. + +Her husband had been a short, weasely man of bilious temperament; +still, he sufficed; and his death at the end of two years from +whooping-cough only added to Mrs. Bradford's complacency. She came +back home again to the Cottage, feeling as immeasurably superior to her +unmarried sister as only a woman of that generation could feel, who had +found a husband while most of her female relatives remained spinsters. +She at once caused the late Mr. Bradford's photograph to be +enlarged--the one in profile where the eyebrows had been strengthened, +and the slight squint was of course invisible--and she referred to him +in conversation as "such a fine intellectual-looking man." After a +while, she began to believe her own words more and more thoroughly, so +that at the end of ten years she would not have recognized him at all +had he appeared in the flesh. + +"At any rate," she remarked, "our field won't be built over." + +"No, thank goodness!" assented Miss Ethel emphatically, her left +eyebrow twitching a little. "The Warringborns will never sell their +land, whatever other people do. I remember grandfather telling us how +he was ordered out of the room by old Squire Warringborn when he once +went to suggest buying this field. Oh, no; the Warringborns won't +sell. Not the least fear of that." + +But she only talked in this way because she was afraid--trying to keep +her heart up, as she saw in her mind's eye that oncoming horde of +yellowish-red houses. + +Before Mrs. Bradford could reply about the Warringborns, there came a +sound of voices in the great field which stretched park-like beyond the +privet hedge. "Butcher Walker putting some sheep in, I expect," said +Mrs. Bradford. "He has the lease of it now." + +But even as she spoke, her heavy jaw dropped and she stood staring. +Miss Ethel swerved quickly round in the same direction, and her pale +eyes focused. Neither of them uttered a sound as they looked at the +square board which rose slowly above the privet hedge. They could not +see the pole on which it was supported from that position in the +garden, and so it appeared to them like a banner upheld by unseen hands. + +"Well," said Mrs. Bradford at last, "we mustn't clip the hedge this +year, that's all. Then----" + +"Hedge!" cried Miss Ethel. "What's the use of talking about the hedge +when our home is spoilt? Look! Read!" She pointed to that square +object which flaunted now in all its glaring black and white newness--a +blot against the grey sky. + + FOR SALE + + FOR THE ERECTION OF VILLAS AND BUNGALOWS + + APPLY MESSRS. GLATT & WILSON + + +Miss Ethel could not have felt deeper dismay if the square notice board +on the pole had been indeed held aloft by the very Spirit of Change +itself, with streaming hair still all aflame from rushing too closely +past a bursting sun. Only those who hate change as she did could ever +understand her dismay. + +"We shall be driven out of our house. We shall have to leave," she +said, very pale. "After all these years, we shall have to go. We +_can't_ stand all their nasty little back ways!" + +"Where are we to go to?" said Mrs. Bradford. She paused a moment. +"It's the same everywhere. Besides, the houses are not built yet." + +There was nothing for them to do but to turn their backs on the board +and walk quietly away, filled with that aching home-sickness for the +quiet past which thousands of middle-aged people were feeling at that +moment all over Europe. Everything was so different, and the knowledge +of it gave to Miss Ethel a constant sense of exasperated discomfort, +like the ache of an internal disease which she could not forget for a +moment. + +"I expect," she said after a while, "that Mrs. Graham will once more +tell us to let ourselves go with the tide and not worry. Thank God, I +never was a supine jelly-fish, and I can't start being one now." + +"She was talking about servants," said Mrs. Bradford, who was troubled, +but not so troubled, because she took things differently. "I expect +she only meant we should never get another like Ellen; but we can't +expect to do so after having her for eleven years." + +"No. We are lucky to have Ellen's niece coming. But I wish she were a +little older," said Miss Ethel. "Nineteen is very young." + +"Yes," replied Mrs. Bradford, letting the conversation drop, for she +was not very fond of talking. And in the silence they looked back; and +to both of them nineteen seemed a rather ridiculous and foolish +age--even for a servant, who is supposed to be rather young. + +Then Miss Ethel began again--talking on to try and banish the insistent +vision in her mind's eye of that square board over the privet hedge, +which she knew herself foolish to dwell upon. "I wish Caroline had not +lived with Ellen's sister and gone out as a day-girl to that little +grocer's shop in the Avenue. I'm afraid that may have spoilt her. But +it is Caroline or nobody. We may want a sensible middle-aged maid, but +in these days it isn't what you want--it's what you can get." + +Mrs. Bradford nodded; and again they felt all over them that resentful +home-sickness for the past. + +"One thing--we must begin as we mean to go on," said Miss Ethel. "If +mistresses were only firmer there would never be such ridiculous +proceedings as one hears about; but they are so afraid of losing maids +that they put up with anything. No wonder the girls find this out and +cease to have any respect for them. Look at Mrs. Graham! A latch-key +allowed, and no caps or aprons. That's swimming with the tide, with a +vengeance." + +"There's no fear of Caroline wanting anything of that sort," said Mrs. +Bradford. "Ellen's sister, Mrs. Creddle, is as steady as Ellen." + +"She'd need to be, with four children on her hands, and a husband like +one of those coco-nuts at Hull fair that have the husk partly left on," +said Miss Ethel. "I never could understand how a nice-looking girl, +such as Mrs. Creddle was then, came to marry such a man." + +Mrs. Bradford looked down at her fat hands and smiled a little, seeming +to see things in the matrimonial philosophy that no spinster was likely +to understand. Then after opening the door they both turned again, +from force of long habit, to look across the garden, and saw the square +board more plainly now than they had done when close under the hedge. +It stood there in the midst of the grass field--as if it were leading +on--while in the distance the wind from the east was blowing the smoke +like flags from the long row of chimney-tops in Emerald Avenue. + +At last Miss Ethel said with a sort of doubtful hopefulness, as if +keeping her courage up before those advancing hordes: "Perhaps nobody +will want to buy the land there. Always heard it was boggy." + +Mrs. Bradford shook her head silently and went in, followed by her +sister: in a world where all things were now odiously possible, one had +to take what came and make the best of it. + +But Miss Ethel already experienced the faint beginning of a state of +suspense which was never to cease, day or night, though at times she +was not conscious of it. She fancied that every person who crossed the +field was an intending buyer, and woke with a start when the old +wardrobe gave the sudden "pop!" in the night to which she had been long +accustomed, thinking for the moment that she heard the first stroke of +a workman's hammer. In truth she was run down with doing most of the +work of the house since Ellen's departure to look after an invalid +mother, besides suffering from several severe colds during the winter, +so that the possibility of new houses being built close at hand had got +on her nerves, and gained an almost ridiculous importance. + +She and her sister had thought, like so many others, that they could +escape change by living in one place, but it had followed them, as it +always inexorably does. Shut their eyes as they might, they had to see +neighbours leaving, neighbours dying. And even those who remained did +not continue the same. One day Miss Ethel was obliged to notice how +grey little Mrs. Baker at the newspaper shop was going--and that +brought to mind that she had been married thirty years come Christmas. +Thirty years! It seemed incredible that so much of life had slipped +almost imperceptibly away. + +All the same, she _ached_ to stand still. She simply could not realize +that perhaps some other generation would look back on hers as she did +on the past. One Saturday the following lines in the local corner of +the _Thorhaven and County Weekly Budget_--between an advertisement of a +new poultry food and a notice of a fine goat for sale--did express a +little of her state of mind, though they were written by a retired +schoolmistress in the detested Emerald Avenue-- + + The world is full of hurry and change, + And everything seems so new and strange; + But it's stranger still that one of these days + They'll call what _we're_ doing, "the dear old ways." + + +It remained incredible, whatever reason might tell her, that anything +more iconoclastic could be hidden in the womb of time than the +Warringborns selling their land and Mrs. Graham letting her maid go to +dances on the promenade, with a powdered face and a latch-key. + + + + +_Chapter II_ + +_Caroline_ + +The promenade at Thorhaven was reached by a short, wide street where a +wind blew always, even on the stillest days, and the hall in which the +young people of the little town danced weekly stood straight in front +of the approaching visitor, entirely blocking out the view and the sea. +Some people thought this must have happened by accident, but others +felt sure that some subtle brain on the Urban District Council had +correctly gauged what the cherished Visitor--the Council naturally +thought of him or her with a capital letter--really considered a most +important feature of an up-to-date seaside resort. + +The hall itself was a glass erection, and it was in design so like +those miniature forcing-houses placed over cherished plants in a garden +border that no one with any imagination could avoid feeling momentarily +that it must have been placed there by some good-natured giant--well +disposed towards Thorhaven--for the express purpose of making the +Visitor "come on" during the seaside holiday. + +At the entrance gate stood a sort of sentry-box where two girls sat in +turn from ten to ten. These girls were chosen by an optimistic +Committee who hoped they would possess amiability, endurance, and +particularly a gift for remembering faces: because the inhabitants of +Thorhaven felt that their promenade was first of all _theirs_--and that +no assistant employed at the gate had a right _not_ to know them by +sight when they entered the precincts for which their own rates and +taxes had paid. Therefore--though this led to occasional abuse--it was +found necessary to municipal harmony to let inhabitants in "on the nod." + +Two young ladies of blameless reputation who were supposed to possess +the required gifts had already been engaged for the season. One had +filled the post before, and another was new to the job but promising. +But time and love wait on the convenience of none--not even so +important a body as the Thorhaven Amusements Committee--and girl number +one unexpectedly ran away with a ship's engineer, while girl number two +developed bronchial tendencies which made the pay-box unsuitable. So +there were none. + +On this bleak, bright day at the end of March, the pay-box with the +wind howling round it did indeed look a bracing place to spend the day +in, nor was it by any means an object which any would be likely to +watch for five minutes at a stretch in a strong north-easter. But that +was exactly what a palish girl with freckles on her nose had been doing +for that length of time, and so intent was she on her own thoughts that +she held a loose strand of hair in her hand instead of tucking it under +her cap while she stood there with eyes fixed intently on the little +ticket-window. + +Her eyes were light--a greenish-grey flecked with gold--but they were +very bright with dark lashes and themselves appeared quite dark when +she was moved or excited. Nobody ever seemed to know what colour they +were, not even the young fellow with whom she had been "going" ever +since she left school, and she was generally considered in Thorhaven to +have brown eyes. + +After some time she withdrew that eager gaze, swerved round as if on a +pivot, and started at a tremendous pace up the short, windy street that +led to the main road. "I'll do it!" she said to herself--young lips +tightly pressed, and nails biting into her palms even through her +gloves. "I don't care what aunt says. It's my life, not hers. It's +nobody's business but my own." + +At the corner she stood a moment, searching the long grey road that led +to the church. After a while she saw a cart in the distance laden with +parcels and boxes, and she began to run after it, calling as she went: +"Hi! Mr. Willis! Mr. Willis! Please stop! I want my box back. I +don't want it taken to Miss Wilson's." + +Mr. Willis pulled up and looked back over his shoulder. He had a +weather-beaten, humorous face and was very slow in his habit of speech. +"Quarrelled with Miss Ethel before you get there?" he said. "That's a +bit quicker work than usual. Servant lasses generally let me get their +boxes over the doorstep before they want to come away, even nowadays." + +"Well, I don't mean to live servant with anybody," said Caroline, +frowning. "I've changed my mind all of a sudden because I only heard +of another opening this morning. I never wanted to go to the Cottage; +it was all Aunt Creddle. She always promised I should, when I got to +be nineteen, and I didn't seem as if I could get out of it." + +"Well!" He jerked the reins. "Appears to me you might have spread +some of your thinking over the last four years instead of doing it all +since breakfast this morning." And he added over his shoulder: "I'm to +leave your box at Mrs. Creddle's, as I come back, then?" + +"Yes, please," said Caroline, fumbling with her purse. + +Mr. Willis's face wrinkled up into many little lines and bosses as he +looked down at her running beside the cart, with her coppers held out. +"No, no. Put it in your pocket. You told me to take your box to Miss +Wilson's. I don't want money for work I haven't done." Then he +whipped up the horse so that she could not keep pace with it. + +She paused to take breath and stood looking after him, thinking it was +no wonder Dan Willis had never got on in the world; but she did not +know how many things in the world he enjoyed which people who must hunt +the last farthing all the time are obliged to miss. He was indeed a +happy bachelor, lodging over a little bread shop in the old part of the +village, and his sixty years sat lightly on him because he had always +found so much to see and to admire in the streets of Thorhaven. + +But as Caroline turned to hurry down Emerald Avenue she immediately +forgot all about him, for in nearly every house some acquaintance was +making ready for the advent of the Visitor--either hanging curtains or +washing covers or standing furniture outside to beat--and she could +have written a most valuable book entitled "Hint to Lodging Seekers." +She possessed recondite, first-hand information, such as no outsider +can know; as, for instance, the more white mats, spotless covers and +antimacassars in April, the more stains and flies towards the end of +August. But fortunately for the few slatterns in Thorhaven, she did +not use her power. + +Now she was racing in a whirl of emotion down Emerald Avenue and round +the next turn into Pearl Terrace, where her aunt Mrs. Creddle lived. +Strangers wondered to see the newer streets in Thorhaven all named +after precious stones, but the reason was simple enough. A member of +the Council had been inspired one warm June evening after three bottles +of ginger-beer to name the first of these red rows of houses Cornelian +Crescent. But that bold flight of fancy exhausted the afflatus, and it +seemed easier to go on to Sapphire Road than to think of anything +fresh. Now--after a lapse of years--Thorhaven's city fathers had begun +to be proud of this street nomenclature, and to believe they had meant +it from the very first. + +Number 10 Pearl Terrace was a house on the north side of the road, and +Caroline had been "day-girl" with the wife of a small grocer just round +the corner from the age of fifteen and a half to the present time. +Before she went there at eight and after her return at six, she had +helped Mrs. Creddle during the crises constantly recurring in a family +of four little girls under twelve years old. Indeed, as her aunt said, +she formed another example of good coming out of evil--for evil it +seemed, when the Creddles had been obliged to take in Caroline among +their increasing brood after the death of her father and mother. + +Not that there had ever been any question about it. "You couldn't let +the poor little lass go to the workhouse," said Mrs. Creddle when +anyone spoke to her on the subject. "Bless you, we've never missed the +bit she used to eat before she began to make aught, and she's earned +her keep with us over and over again since then." + +Mr. Creddle also expressed the same meaning, though in different terms, +when pals ventured with a smile to hint that he had lasses enough under +his roof without getting in any from outside. "That's my business," he +would say. "I don't see as anybody has a right to pass a remark. I'd +rather have four lasses than a red nose, anyway." + +If the person addressed happened to possess the outward and visible +signs of alcoholic excess, so much the worse for him--Mr. Creddle was +touchy on the subject of his family and did not wish to please. His +own nose was slightly rubicund, but it was solely owing to the east +winds which constantly blew across it as he worked for the Council on +the long roads near the sea; for he was a sober man, and when he did +have a glass of beer on a Saturday night, he brought it home in a jug +to share with his wife. + +For years, indeed, when the babies were arriving, that was their only +little festival from week's end to week's end. They would stand the +jug on the table, and Mrs. Creddle would bring out some freshly baked +"pie"; with thick crust above and below, and apples or currants and +sugar, or gooseberries inside; and with the house all clean for Sunday, +they would take their hour of ease late on Saturday night. + +So Caroline had been brought up in an atmosphere of kindness, though +Mr. Creddle had once threatened to strap her if she ran about with the +lads again after dark. He had caught her racing with streaming hair +round some half-built houses in Emerald Avenue, among a party of boys +who ought to have been in bed, and his brief comments as he escorted +her home were Elizabethan and to the point. Oddly enough, they burnt +deeper into her mind than the whole of Mrs. Creddle's cautious advice. + +All that, however, was long ago. Now--demure and slim--Caroline would +no more have thought of racing round half-built houses at night than +Mrs. Creddle herself. But she flung open the front door of Number 10 +with the same certainty of warm interest she had always felt on +entering that house, for Mrs. Creddle might be "put out," unhappy, +anxious--but never coldly indifferent. + +"Aunt!" called Caroline from the foot of the stairs in the excited +voice which she strove to keep calm. + +Mrs. Creddle emerged from a bedroom, with her usual air of being a +little too warm, whatever the weather, and her clear-skinned, jolly +face a little perturbed. "What's the matter, Carrie? You know Miss +Ethel's expecting you. You ought to be there by now." + +Caroline drew back a pace, then let her missile fly. "I aren't----" +But even in this stress of emotion she paused from force of habit to +correct her speech--"I'm not going to Miss Wilson's." + +"What!" Mrs. Creddle came down the stairs with the peculiar buoyancy +of active stout people. "I've just sent your box. Whatever are you +talking about, Carrie?" + +"I met Mr. Brook--he's the one that has to do with the Amusements +Committee: and he said if I applied for Maggie Wake's job, I should get +it. They want somebody steady and respectable that knows how to +behave." + +"But you can't apply for it!" said Mrs. Creddle, breathing sharply as +if from the impact of an actual blow. "You've promised for years to go +to Miss Wilson's when Ellen left, and they've waited for you ever since +November. You _can't_ behave like this to them now, Carrie. I can +understand your being tempted, but you can't do it. You promised +faithful." + +"No, I didn't," said Caroline. "I never promised anything. It was you +that promised for me. And I always hated the thought of living in, and +being tied up at nights in their old kitchen; only you and Aunt Ellen +fixed it all up when I was a kid, and I somehow never thought of going +against you. It seemed one of the things that had to be--like putting +your hair up and such like--but I never wanted to do it my own self." + +"Well, you can't run back now," said Mrs. Creddle. "After all that +Miss Ethel and Mrs. Bradford have done for us in the past, I should be +ashamed to think of such a thing. Why, this very dress I have on came +from Mrs. Bradford, and your blouse was made from a print skirt of Miss +Ethel's. And when you had whooping cough, they sent jelly and oranges +and I don't know what. I don't understand how you can want to behave +so badly to them, Carrie." + +"Oh, I've not forgotten all that!" said Carrie, working herself up into +a defiant rage because she wanted to feel a counter-irritant to a +secret uneasiness which lurked at the bottom of her mind. "But spare +food and old clothes ought not to buy a girl, body and soul. Anyway, I +price myself higher than that. I'm not going to sacrifice a job I +fancy, and thirty shillings a week, to be general servant to those two +old women, and that's flat." + +"But the ticket-collecting only lasts until the end of September," +urged Mrs. Creddle, flushed and perturbed. "What shall you do then?" + +"I don't know," said Caroline. "I mean to learn typewriting and +shorthand somehow, and then I shall be a clerk." + +"Clerk indeed!" cried Mrs. Creddle, losing her temper. "And what does +that lead to, I should like to know? No girl clerk earns enough to buy +food and lodging such as you would get at Miss Wilson's. I don't +understand where the charm comes in, I'm sure, unless you want to be +considered a lady. But you aren't one--and you'll never be one--though +you do go out every morning and come back at night, and have a leather +bag and a powdered nose instead of a cap and apron." + +"Then I can tell you," said Caroline, pale and bright-eyed. "The charm +is freedom. I'd starve before I'd ask permission to go to the +pillar-box, and spend my nights in that old kitchen by myself." + +"You know perfectly well that Miss Ethel would let you go out nearly +every night," ejaculated Mrs. Creddle. "You're talking just for the +sake of talking." Then she suddenly began to cry. "I can't bear for +one of mine to behave like that--and I've always looked on you as my +own child," she said, whimpering through a corner of her apron. "I've +been poor all my life, but my word's been my bond. I never behaved +shabby nor dishonourable to anybody that I knows on." + +"I'm sorry, Aunt," said Caroline, flushing with distressful impatience. +"But you have to think of yourself in these days, or get left. It's +the rule all over the world now. And if everybody did the same, we +should be all all right. Don't you see?" + +Mrs. Creddle shook her head. "It might work out all right if the +pushing-est sort was always the best," she said. Then, after a pause, +she added, turning back towards the stairs: "Well, you may go and tell +them yourself. I can't!" + +"I don't want you to. I'm not afraid of those two old ladies," said +Caroline, "if you are. So long!" + +But as she went down the terrace again, it was not her own brilliant +future which she saw before her mind's eye, but the desponding curve of +Mrs. Creddle's figure going upstairs again to finish the bedrooms. +Steadfastness, patience, endurance--without being actually aware of it, +she saw those things embodied in that middle-aged woman's figure. Then +her own spirit revolted from the suggestion. "Aunt doesn't +understand," she said, half aloud. "You _have_ to think of yourself +first in these days." + +Such was her mood as she emerged from Emerald Avenue into the main +road, walked past the long field where the square board caught the eye +at once amid all that springing verdure, and entered the garden of the +Cottage. Immediately afterwards the front door opened and Miss Ethel +stepped briskly forth. "Oh, there you are, Caroline. I am very +pleased to see you. I suppose Willis will be bringing your box +shortly, but in the meantime----" + +"I aren't coming. I have only come to say I aren't coming," +interrupted Caroline--the measure of her disturbance shown by the fact +that she did not correct this lapse into the Holderness dialect. "I'm +applying to be ticket collector on the promenade," she added, with a +sort of defiant rudeness in her tone. She sub-consciously wanted Miss +Ethel to be "horrid," feeling that it would make the situation easier +to carry off with satisfaction to herself. + +But Miss Ethel had been working since half-past six at unaccustomed +blacking of the kitchen stove and such-like tasks in order that the new +maid should see how things ought to be kept and maintain the same high +standard, and she was too utterly weary and disappointed now, to do +anything but reply with a very slight trembling of the lip: "I think +you might have let me know before this, Caroline." For she felt that +if she let herself go, she might burst into ignoble, undignified tears +before this impertinent child--she, who never "gave way" even at a +wedding or a funeral. + +Caroline's quick eyes, however, had caught that passing quiver of the +lips, and for one moment all her dreams of independence trembled in the +balance. She was feeling--deeply as even Mrs. Creddle could wish--that +she was behaving badly. Then Miss Ethel chanced to notice Caroline's +blouse, which was made from her own summer dress of twenty years ago, +and an irrepressible wave of hurt exasperation swept over her, rousing +her to active resentment. "I must say I think you are treating me +abominably, Caroline. Surely your Aunt Creddle is not a party to +this?" she said in her sharpest tone. And though she would not have +mentioned the blouse or any other benefit bestowed for the world, some +thought of it must have rushed along the taut wires between her own +mind and Caroline's, for the girl instantly flushed crimson and became +defiant again. So the wavering balance crashed down on the side of the +job on the promenade. Her whole future course, indeed, was decided in +that instant, just by a look and a tone--though neither was aware of +what had happened. + +"Aunt had no idea I was trying for the place on the prom. until this +morning," said Caroline quietly. "She's very upset about it, and tried +her best to make me come to live with you after all, only I wouldn't. +Nobody can blame her." + +Miss Ethel opened her lips to administer a rebuke; then she felt it was +no good and stood looking drearily in front of her. In so doing, her +glance fell on the square board over the privet hedge, and that seemed +somehow the visible sign of everything else that was happening in her +life. Everything was changed. Without another word she turned back +into the house, telling herself that it was of no use to fight against +change; but at the bottom of her soul, she knew she _would_ fight, so +long as there was breath left in her. + +"Stop a minute, Miss Ethel," said Caroline. "I am very sorry indeed I +couldn't let you know before, and I have nothing against you or the +place. It's only that I don't want to be a servant at all. Everybody +must do the best they can for themselves in these days." + +"I understand that you are like the rest of them. You want to go +gadding about every night, no doubt," said Miss Ethel. + +"And if I do?" said Caroline. "Where's the harm in it? Of course I +want my freedom, Miss Ethel. We all do. That's why there aren't any +servants to be had. You're free yourself and always have been. That's +why you don't understand." + +Miss Ethel felt a groping thought in the back of her mind. She--free! +The long chain seemed to rattle through the empty years since childhood +as she paused, though she thought she only heard the wind in the +branches. "Oh, well; I suppose it is no use my saying any more. I +trust for Mrs. Creddle's sake that you may be successful in your new +employment. Good morning." + +But in going over the threshold she swayed a little, because she had +one of her bilious headaches and had eaten nothing since rising. Those +headaches had been a feature of the establishment ever since Caroline +would remember, and she recalled "Aunt Ellen" arraying a spotless tray +in the kitchen while she herself sat eating gingerbread by the table. +So all the kindnesses she had experienced in that house came back to +war with this new spirit of prickly independence, and as she was +fundamentally good-natured, she felt impelled to say impulsively: "Miss +Ethel, I'll tell you what I could do. I might sleep here for a week or +two and light the fire, and get breakfast ready and do any odd jobs for +you. I should have time for that before I went out. One fortnight in +the month I should only act as supply during meal hours--and that will +leave me a lot of time during the day. I'll be glad to come and do +that for my board and lodging, if you like: I'm not a big eater. Only +I must have my nights free and no fixed time for getting in, of course." + +Miss Ethel put her hand to her swimming head. Even in this extremity +she could hardly bring herself to consider such a proposal. But the +thought of washing up those greasy dishes after lunch was so +intolerable that everything else faded into the background, and she had +to humiliate herself for the sake of necessity. "Very well," she said +faintly. "I shall be glad to accept your offer for the time being. We +will talk about the remuneration later, but I think you can trust Mrs. +Bradford and myself not to treat you unfairly." + +"I'm not afraid of that," said Caroline, half ashamed: still she had to +have it clear about her freedom. "You do understand about the +evenings, though? Because I may want to go with Wilf--he's my friend, +you know--to one of those dances on the prom., and then I shouldn't be +back until after twelve." + +"Yes, I understand," said Miss Ethel. "I'm much obliged to you," she +forced herself to add, trying to rise above the dizziness which made +her unable to think clearly. + +"Then I'll be off and see if I can catch Willis with my box," said +Caroline, hurrying away down the path. + +Miss Ethel watched her go, wondering in a heavy sort of way if the girl +would come back. It would not be in the least surprising if she failed +to do so. Well, you could only take things as they came. Nothing was +as it used to be. You couldn't calculate at all on what would happen +in this strange new world. . . . + +Caroline, hastening down the road, had the same thought; but to her it +brought a glorious sense of fresh vistas opening, of splendid conflicts +in which she and her sort were bound to be victorious--she saw already +a sun rising which would really warm rich and poor alike, and would +make every one in the end happy and good. + +No wonder Mr. Willis smiled at her when she went flying after him once +more, all wind-blown hair and eyes a-shine; but he pulled up with a +pretence of grumpiness, saying over his shoulder: "Well, what is it +now? Have you rued throwing up your place?" + +"No; I'm only going to help them a bit until they get a girl. You +can't help being sorry for Miss Ethel." + +"I'm to take your box on to the Cottage after all, then?" he said in a +teasing way. "Well, well, it's a queer thing how women like to change +their minds. I expect they're made so." + +"I'm not," said Caroline. "I knew my own mind right enough: only I +couldn't leave Miss Ethel with one of her bad headaches and nobody to +do a thing for her. You'd be the first to blame me." + +But he had whipped up his horse before she finished her sentence, and +was already rattling away in the direction of the Cottage. + + + + +_Chapter III_ + +_The Promenade_ + +Pale blue sky with scudding clouds--a dun sea dappled with pale +silver--and that intense greyish-white light on promenade, +bleak-fronted houses and sparsely scattered visitors, which always +makes everything so distinct as to seem unreal on such a day in +Thorhaven--like an old copper-print. + +As Caroline sat in her pay-box at the gate of the promenade, she had +plenty of time to note these atmospheric conditions, but she only felt +them. That grey, clear, windy brightness was mingled for all the rest +of her life with what was to happen during the months between this +morning and the end of September, when the job would be over. But now +she was entirely immersed in her ticket issuing, when there was any to +do, and in feeling excited and self-conscious and important when there +was not. Book, pencil, pile of tickets were all meticulously ready, +and she would not put her window down for a moment despite the +north-east wind which swept round the little shelter. + +But so early in the season there was scarcely a person to be seen about +on the broad, grey stretch of the promenade, and the gardener's back as +he worked hard at bedding out plants, looked in some way as if it still +belonged to the easy-shirt-sleeved winter time, when Thorhaven was not +expecting visitors. At last a little brisk woman with a neat figure +came up to the turnstile, and Caroline greeted her with just that +surprising warmth shown to casual acquaintances by stall-holders at a +bazaar. "A season-ticket? Certainly. A pity not to get all the good +out of it you can. Some people silly enough to wait until the season +is half over and then pay just the same----" But the woman appreciated +this cordiality at its true worth and was unresponsive. "So you've got +the job. They'd be sorry to part with Maggie." Then pursing her lips, +she placed her season ticket in her purse, and said with condescending +asperity: "I want to go through, please." + +So Caroline, thus reminded, hastily released the turnstile with her +knee from within, and felt momentarily abashed. After a while, +however, a solitary visitor approached the little window, and she was +doubly brisk and official to make up for it. + +"Day-ticket? But are you staying a week? If so, you'll find it much +more to your advantage----" Until the visitor, who did not really want +a weekly ticket at all, but happened to be of that ever-growing class +which is cowed at once by any sign of bureaucratic authority, did as +Caroline suggested. + +But little by little this first eagerness wore off, and by the time she +returned from the tea interval--during which her place had been taken +by the girl who acted as "supply"--she had already begun to show faint +beginnings of the slightly contemptuous, detached air of the official. +She was pleasant still, but as a favour, and with the whole power of +the Thorhaven Council at her back "Three in family, I think? I +suppose you take one for Mildred?" And she expected Mrs. Creddle's +neighbour to feel a little flattered by her remembering the size of the +family. + +But though justly irritated by that "Three in family, I think"--when +Caroline had pulled pigtails with Mildred only yesterday, as it +were--the good woman was actually pleased when Caroline "held up" a +stout person in a fur coat and a motor veil to add pleasantly: "I +suppose you are expecting visitors this week?" Which remark is the +recognized conversational small change in Thorhaven, during spring and +summer, scarcely more personal than the "Fine day!" of the country +labourers who live in the still untouched country beyond the Cottage. + +But if Mrs. Creddle's neighbour said to herself that Caroline would +soon be too big for her boots, there remained a slight glow of +satisfaction in being acknowledged as an old acquaintance while an +affluent person from a car was kept waiting. It is therefore not +surprising that Wilfred Ball felt the same glow greatly intensified +when he strolled up to the pay-box, twirling his walking-stick, to take +his stand near by as the future proprietor of the girl inside. Perhaps +the young husband of a great prima donna may feel nearly as +sophisticated and proud and "in it" when he strolls carelessly into the +dressing-room where the bouquets of admirers overflow upon the +floor--but this is scarcely likely, for he would not have the morning +freshness still on him of a life spent so far between Thorhaven and +Flodmouth. + +Every now and then he took a little walk up and down the promenade, +either alone or with a casual acquaintance, but he soon returned to +enjoy close at hand this epoch-making evening. For now, he felt, there +was nothing that could keep the Wilfred Balls back from those pinnacles +of affluence which a combination of the more easily assimilated comic +papers and articles on Self-Help had enabled him to envisage: Self-Help +kind showing how a poor man might grow rich, and the comic papers how +he might spend his money when he got it. + +As the wife of a wealthy man, Caroline would be All Right. He had had +his doubts before, at times, because he really felt it was a come-down +for a young fellow in a seed-merchant's office to be engaged to a +servant. And remorse had something to do now with his ardour, because +he really had begun to wonder if he could "keep on" with it, when +Caroline was a true servant, living in, like the little maids all up +and down the new streets. He had seen himself standing at a corner +waiting for her under a lamp-post on her nights out, and had found his +faithfulness wavering. + +Still, she was Caroline--and they had "gone together" ever since the +time when he first perceived that a "girl" was as necessary to man's +estate as a dressy lounge suit and a Homburg hat. He did not like to +behave badly to her. And now he had been rewarded. He had achieved +the difficult feat mentioned in those articles he so casually read in +the train, of keeping one eye on the main chance and the other on the +example of Sir Galahad. Now he was still engaged to somebody who took +tickets on the prom. and was a young lady--and was yet Caroline. No +wonder he stood and beamed, and walked away and twirled his stick and +cocked his hat, and then came back and beamed again. + +Other youths of her acquaintance, or enterprising strangers going +through the barrier, had to content themselves with a "Good evening, +miss," or at most some more or less dashing remark about the weather; +but _he_ was the one to help her on with her coat when the brilliant +shades of blue and yellow on the sentry-box had faded into grey: it was +_his_ privilege to walk her off with a hand through her arm, feeling +sure that the three elderly spinsters and the one middle-aged gentleman +who chanced to be about just there wondered who that gay dog was, and +thought him no end of a fellow. + +"Well, Carrie, how did you like it?" he said as they went along. + +"Oh, it was all right," said Caroline in an off-handed fashion--but she +also had an elated consciousness of being important, and did not care a +bit though her feet were stone-cold from sitting still in the +sentry-box. + +So talking eagerly, they went down the main road until the last avenue +was left behind and the loneliness of stars and sea-wind fronted them. +Only one light glimmered above the privet hedge from an upper room in +the Cottage. + +At the gate they stopped to kiss and say good night as usual, but the +excitement of a new experience had stirred Caroline's emotions, and +Wilf's pride in her had also roused the possessive instinct in him, so +that the kiss they exchanged was a little different from the almost +passionless salute to which they had long grown accustomed. Wilf's +eyes shone and Caroline's cheeks were flushed when they drew back from +each other. She began to speak quickly, nervously. "Well, so long! +They'll think I'm never coming." + +"Here! Hold on a minute." He caught her round the waist. "I say, +Carrie, it's rotten you having to go in, and me stopping outside. I +wish you'd never promised to." + +"It wouldn't have made any difference if I had been staying at Uncle +Creddle's. They wouldn't want company at this time of night," she +answered, peering up at him uneasily through the starry twilight. + +"Carrie!" He held her closer, his thin, boyish arms trembling a +little. "I wish to goodness we could have a home of our own. There's +some houses going to be built in that field there. I wish we could +apply for one of them." + +"Well, we can't," said Caroline, touched by some wistful tone in the +lad's voice to a deeper tenderness for him than she had hitherto known. +"We have nothing to get married on. People would only laugh at us." + +"But you wish it, same as me, Carrie? If I was one of them rich young +chaps that can plank down the money for a half-year's rent and a +mahog'ny suite, like I do for a packet of cigs., you'd be ready to get +married, Carrie?" + +It was the first time they had seriously talked of marriage, though +they had been "going together" ever since Caroline knew that a 'boy' +was as essential to her grown-up panoply as hairpins, and she felt +something indefinable at the back of her mind which was not pleasure; +and yet it was not fear---- She turned from her own emotions with a +sort of relief. "Goodness! There's the church clock striking a +quarter to eleven. We must have been three-quarters of an hour coming +from the prom. here. I know Miss Ethel goes to bed at ten, and she'll +have been sitting up for me." + +"Never mind. You're only stopping to oblige. They ought to be jolly +thankful to you, whatever time you turn up," babbled Wilf--all +impatient excitement. "Carrie, just one more. I must----" + +He clung to her, then let her go. She ran up the path towards the +house while he stood there, listening to her footsteps and yet +restraining himself from following her, as a matter of course. For the +idea of running after her and holding her in his arms by force, as he +wanted to do, simply never entered his mind. Despite that dark lane +and the evening hour, the chivalry of the ordinary decent Anglo-Saxon +man--which some races are unable to understand--stood like a sentinel +at the door of his desires. + +Caroline entered the door of the Cottage in a state of hurry and +excitement; but the empty kitchen seemed to act on it like a sort of +emotional cold douche. The varnished walls, the neatly set chairs, the +clock ticking so loudly above the mantel-shelf, all seemed somehow +unnatural, with the unnaturalness of empty houses where steps go +echoing--echoing--though nobody is there. + +She hastily put the kettle on the gas-ring, then prepared a glass for +Miss Ethel's hot water and two cups for Mrs. Bradford's cocoa and her +own. But as the water would not boil all at once she stood there +watching the little blue and yellowish flames of that unsatisfactory +Thorhaven gas splutter under the kettle. All sorts of thoughts went +scurrying about her mind as the clock measured the seconds--tick-tock! +tick-tock!--over her head. + +How silly of Wilf to begin to talk about marrying at all. But, of +course, if you were engaged--only she and Wilf weren't engaged. They'd +been "going together," of course, but she had no ring. She had never +considered herself really engaged. Neither had Aunt Creddle---- + +But the kettle suddenly boiled over, so she filled the glass and the +cups, and hurried off with the tray, her head still so full of her own +engrossing thoughts that she did not become aware that visitors were +present until she was well inside the room. + +"Oh, Caroline, you can just put the tray down on the round table," said +Miss Ethel, high and cool. It was plain that she thought the hour very +late, and that Caroline's red cheeks, disordered hair and hat rakishly +on one side did not please her. + +Caroline's face became still more flushed and she flung up her head as +she crossed the room, then put down the tray with a considerable +clatter. But the clatter was unintentional--though Miss Ethel would +not have believed this--and was due to a small piece of needlework on +the table which caused the cup and glass to stand unevenly on the tray. +Caroline heard the sharp indrawing of Miss Ethel's breath on the way to +the door, and her whole being was in a prickly heat of defiance and +embarrassment--"Only wait until to-morrow morning! To-morrow morning, +they would just hear about it. They might look somewhere else for a +girl who would let herself be spoken to as if she was something +unpleasant that crawled----" + +But through the fiery mist that seemed to blind her as she re-crossed +the room, she heard another voice speaking: "Good evening, Miss Raby. +How did you like your first day at the promenade?" + +It was a lovely voice, clear yet mellow, and Caroline, despite all her +anger and wounded pride, felt obliged to answer civilly: "Oh, I liked +it all right, Miss Temple, thank you." + +The door closed; there was a pause while Caroline's high heels clacked +faintly across the tiled floor of the hall, and then a sound burst +forth like the sudden chattering of rooks when they are startled in +their nests by a shot fired close at hand. + +"Well, I never! Coming in at a quarter to eleven and taking that +attitude!" said Mrs. Bradford, in her heavy wheezy contralto. + +"It's the same in everything. The world's upside down," jerked out +Miss Ethel, flushed and tight-lipped. "Oh, we little knew what a +lovely world we lived in twenty years ago. We took it all for granted. +Good servants: low prices. People knowing their duty." + +"Did they, though?" said Laura Temple. "I think it must have been +perfectly horrid to be a maid-servant in those days. Only out one +night a week, and once on Sunday at most, and kept as close during the +rest of the time as if you were in a nunnery." + +"They were happy, though," said Miss Ethel. "Happier, I think, than +these girls are now. Look at Ellen! Wasn't she the picture of +content?" + +Then Mrs. Graham's high voice shrilled across the buzz of talk. "Mine +actually wears silk stockings on her evenings out--silk stockings!" + +"What I say," boomed Mr. Graham soothingly, "best make up your minds to +let things go. You can't alter them. My wife here worked herself up +into such a state of nerves during the war that she had to take bromide +for months, and I'm not going to let that happen again. I don't allow +any discussion of national difficulties, either at home or abroad. We +read the head-lines in the newspaper so that we know what has actually +happened, and we leave other people's speculations about things alone. +Only way to go on living with any comfort." + +Mrs. Graham looked across at her husband with affection, and murmured +aside to Laura Temple: "It is really on Arthur's account that we have +banned discussion on strikes and Ireland and so on. He gets +indigestion if he dwells on painful topics. So I just make things as +comfortable as I can in our own house, and let the world take care of +itself. A wife's first duty is to make her husband happy, as you will +find out before long, my dear." + +Laura smiled back at Mrs. Graham, with the colour deepening a shade +under the soft brown eyes which exactly matched her voice. + +"There's no idea of our being married yet, Mrs. Graham," she said. +"For one thing, our house will not be ready for some time." But behind +her quiet words she was saying to herself that never, never would she +and Godfrey emulate Mr. and Mrs. Graham's system of guarding the common +existence from anything found disturbing to comfort, with a tame good +conscience ready to call it conjugal devotion. + +"I expected to see Mr. Wilson with you to-night," murmured Mrs. Graham: +then she leaned nearer to Laura and said in a still lower tone: "I +suppose he is in disgrace here for being the agent for the sale of that +field beyond the privet hedge?" + +"Yes. They think he might somehow have avoided selling it because he +is a connection of theirs," replied Laura. "But the Warringborns would +only have taken their business to another firm, of course. Godfrey +says a man must look after himself in these days. You can't afford to +offend a valuable client for the sake of a second cousin." + +"Ridiculous!" said Mrs. Graham. Then she paused a moment until her +husband's voice again made confidences possible. "Oh, they will get +used to the idea of houses being built there in time. Look how +disturbed they were about Emerald Avenue when it was first started." + +"Yes." Laura paused, her charming, irregular face with its creamy +complexion and frame of brown wavy hair turned to the speaker, and her +broad forehead wrinkled a little, as it was when she was puzzled or +perturbed. "But I really am sorry for them now. You see, the privet +hedge hid all those streets from the garden. They could forget there +were any there. Now they won't be able to forget." She paused. "I +simply daren't tell them who has bought Thorhaven Hall. I know it gave +even me a shock, because I always used to feel an awed sensation--the +sort you have going into a strange church or a museum when you are +little--whenever I called at the Hall. It was so dark and big and +quiet, and the old butler took your name as if you were at a funeral, +and ought to be awfully honoured to have been asked to attend. I +simply can't imagine the Perritt's there." + +Mrs. Graham rose. "Oh, I believe the Perritt children are very sweet. +And there is something rather nice about Mrs. Perritt, I'm told." + +Miss Ethel looked across the room, and it was evident that she heard +the last remark, for she said in a dry tone: "Lots of people would +discover something sweet about me if I came into ten thousand a year; +nothing like money for enabling the eye to detect hidden charms." + +Mrs. Graham laughed somewhat uneasily. "How amusing you are, Miss +Ethel! I often tell Arthur it is quite refreshing to have a chat with +you." But for all that, she began to move towards the door. + +Laura also rose, and it could be now seen that her tall figure was a +trifle angular and immature, and must remain so, for she was already +twenty-eight years old. "I will come as far as your house, Mrs. +Graham," she said. "Godfrey promised to call for me there." + +"Well! No good crying over spilt milk," said Mr. Graham, standing and +shaking down his trousers--after a habit he had--with his hands in his +pockets. "Things will never be the same again in our day, Miss Ethel." + +"No." Mrs. Bradford, who had been silent, as she often was, +unexpectedly entered the conversation, saying in her heavy voice: +"Things will never be the same again." And a brief silence followed +her words. You could fancy them echoing in every heart there. + +"I remember getting oranges twelve a penny in Flodmouth," continued +Mrs. Bradford, stirred to unwonted intellectual effort. "Twelve a +penny! Perhaps you don't believe me, but I did." + +No one taking up the gage which Mrs. Bradford thus threw down, the +guests said farewell and then went out into the starlight. + +As they walked along, all Laura's thoughts were about the lover waiting +for her; but Mr. and Mrs. Graham could not get rid of that slight sense +of inward discomfort--stirred afresh by Mrs. Bradford's first +remark--which many middle-aged people experience as a result of Fate's +ruthlessly quick forcing of new wine into old bottles. + +As they passed the new streets there was an odd light here and there in +the shadowy rows of houses, and when they turned the corner the +sea-wind was full in their faces. The glass roof of the Promenade Hall +glimmered faintly under the immense sweep of starlit sky, and the quiet +waves drew away--"C-raunch! C-r-raunch!"--from the piece of gravelled +shore which the tide had reached. The good-sized, semi-detached houses +built in a row opposite the promenade stood all so black and lifeless +that Mr. Graham's click of the iron gate sounded quite roistering on +the still night. Then the front door opened and light streamed out, +illuminating the figure of a man of medium height, rather stockily +built, who came quickly down the little path, calling out as he +approached: "I'd almost given you up, Laura. I should have fetched you +from the Cottage, only I thought the old girls would cut up rough. I +suppose they haven't forgiven me for that notice board yet? They think +I'm a low fellow, I know." + +"No, no," said Laura, smiling. "A man with the Wilson blood in his +veins couldn't be really low, Godfrey--only misguided. You know they +think even a bad Wilson must after all be slightly better at the bottom +than other people." + +"Jolly good theory," he said, throwing out his broad chest and laughing +down at his lady, who had slipped her hand through his arm. "I hope +they converted you." + +Then they all laughed--though there was nothing at all amusing in his +remark--simply because he was so sure of himself and seemed to expect +it, Laura glanced up at his large-featured face with soft brown eyes +full of admiring affection, and the scar on his cheek from a shrapnel +wound still had power to move her. For he had "done splendidly" in the +war, enlisting in 1915 and showing marked courage, though his very +highly-developed instinct for self-preservation had enabled him to +escape dangers where some men might have been caught. No wonder that +as Laura stood there with her hand through his strong arm, she thrilled +to the certainty that he would break with ease through every obstacle +in life, both for himself and her. + +"I'm sorry to have kept you so long," she said. "But I think we have +fixed up everything about the Fete for the Women's Convalescent Home +now. We are so short of funds that we must do something." + +"Yes," said Mr. Graham, "the people who used to support it haven't the +money to give any longer; and those who have it, won't give, I suppose." + +"Oh, don't let us start that all over again," said Mrs. Graham. +"Arthur, you will take cold standing here in the night air. Laura, +won't you come in for a few minutes?" + +But Laura had no desire to share that cosy half-hour by the fire during +which Mr. Graham would press his Lizzie to pile on coal and put more +sugar in her cocoa for the good of her health, and she would press him +to take a little whisky and hot water--in spite of the high price--for +the same reason. + + + + +_Chapter IV_ + +_The Three Men_ + +Miss Ethel glanced out of the bedroom window next morning as she was +opening it more widely, and suddenly, as she looked, every muscle +stiffened. What were those three men doing a few yards beyond the +privet hedge? But her reason refused to let in the thought that +followed. It was preposterous to imagine they would start building +there first, with all the field to choose from. Besides, she had never +heard of the land being sold--the board was still in its place. Of +course, if the land had been sold, the board would have been removed. + +She knelt down to say her prayers, beginning with the very same which +she used to repeat when she was a little girl by her mother's knee: +only the numbers of near relatives then mentioned by name had since +dwindled, one by one, as they passed over that bridge from life to +eternal life. Then "Our Father"--but the thought of the three men came +in between, and she found herself saying "Amen" without having prayed +at all. Then she started over again. "Thy kingdom come." But her +mind shot away at once from that image of divine order to the unrest by +which she was troubled. Pictures of strikes--staring headlines--these +crowded in upon her as she knelt, and she rose from her knees still +without having really prayed to God. + +Then she came downstairs to breakfast to find that Caroline had cleaned +the room and had set the breakfast with a certain daintiness, while +leaving dust thick on the corners of the floor and under the clock on +the mantel-piece. Still, it was such a relief not to have to get up +and prepare the breakfast and light the fire that Miss Ethel tried to +forget the dust. Of course, after Caroline had gone out, she could go +round with a brush and duster, but it was a great rest in the meantime +not to start the day with tasks too arduous for her strength and her +unaccustomed muscles. + +Mrs. Bradford, however, who never felt able to help in the house-work +herself, owing to something obscure about the legs, would persist in +talking all breakfast time about the dust and Caroline's other +shortcomings. "Never know when you have her. This week she is eating +at all sorts of hours because she has to go to the promenade and free +the other girl at meal times; then next week she will be here at meals +only. It is your affair, Ethel. When I came back I let you go on +doing the housekeeping, though I am a married woman. But I know when I +had a house to manage myself, I should never have put up with such +goings-on." + +"It's all very well to talk. Neither should I, five years ago," +retorted Miss Ethel. "In fact, I should not do so now if there were +any alternative. But you know perfectly well that we could not afford +to keep a good maid at the present rate of wages, even if we could get +one." + +Mrs. Bradford contented herself with peering irritatingly through her +spectacles at the dusty places after that, because Miss Ethel's +statement admitted of no argument; for Mr. Bradford left his widow the +honour and glory of the conjugal state and practically nothing more +tangible. But to Miss Ethel's generation the mere fact of being +married meant more than the present one can understand, and she was +accustomed to acquiesce in her sister's air of heavy superiority, +though she knew herself to be much the more intelligent of the two. + +Still her temper felt so rasped as she went out into the kitchen +carrying a tray of crockery that she was in no mood to receive kindly +any more new suggestions made to her, and when Caroline asked for a +latch-key as a matter of course, she replied stiffly: "I'm sorry, but I +could not think of such a thing, Caroline. I must say I rather wonder +at your asking it. Your aunt Ellen----" + +"Aunt Ellen lived in different times," said Caroline, flushing and +throwing up her head. "I am going to a dance with my boy at the +Promenade Hall, and it doesn't finish till twelve. I didn't want you +to sit up so late for me, that was all." + +Miss Ethel also flushed a little on her thin cheekbones, while the left +side of her face twitched a little as it did when she was agitated; but +that was all the sign she gave of the tumult of irritation, impatience +and hurt pride which surged within her. That Ellen's niece should dare +to speak to her like that! Still, she knew that she was worn out and +could not go on doing all the work of the house, and they would never +get anyone else to help them who would be as cheap and respectable as +Caroline; so she must put up with it. By a great effort, she managed +to control her temper and to say, almost agreeably: "Does Mrs. Creddle +know you are going to this dance with a young man?" + +"Of course she does," said Caroline, still rather defiant. "I'm not +ashamed of it. There's nothing between me and Wilf that I should want +to hide from Aunt Creddle." + +For without knowing it, Miss Ethel had touched upon a delicate point +which Caroline was far more sensitive about than Laura--for +instance--would have been; because girls of Caroline's sort have to +guard their chastity themselves, while those like Laura are careless, +because it has always been guarded for them by somebody else. Still +Miss Ethel saw that Caroline was offended, so added after a pause: "If +Mrs. Creddle approves of your going, of course it is not my affair. +But you must see for yourself that I could not let a girl under my roof +stay out until midnight without asking the question. That would be +fair neither to you nor to myself." + +"No," muttered Caroline. "I didn't mean anything either. Only it has +been such a--a rotten thing in the past for every one to think that +servant girls must be misbehaving themselves if they stopped out after +half-past ten." + +"They often were," said Miss Ethel grimly. "Because if they weren't, +they remembered it was time to come in and came. But here is your +latch-key." And she went out of the kitchen, not daring to trust +herself to say any more for fear she should offend Caroline and be left +without any help in the house. + +But she suffered an almost physical ache from the readjustment of her +behaviour to the changed conditions of life as she went upstairs to her +bedroom. It was constantly happening like that--there was no time for +the irritation to subside before something roused it again. And Miss +Ethel took no comfort from the fact that all over the world people were +more or less suffering in the same way, because she only vaguely +realized that this was so. + +She knew, however, that she felt humiliated as she handed over the +latch-key to Caroline, contrary to all her own principles, just before +the girl went out to collect tickets on the promenade during the dinner +interval. + +The morning was cold for the first week in June, but a brief spell of +August weather in May had acted as a bait to the visitors that +Thorhaven lived on now, just as it used to live on the crabs and +mackerel and codling and shrimps caught in the bay. But that time was +so entirely over and done with that there were not enough real +fishermen left to man the lifeboat, and the smell of fish and brine had +departed, even from the narrow alleys in the old part of the town where +it had been for hundreds of years. Now the owners of the smallest and +most inconvenient cottages hung clean curtains, put "To Let, Furnished" +bills in the windows, and went off to camp in booths, tents, out-houses +or in any place where they could find shelter. + +So this morning, though it was still so early in the year, provident +mothers with little children, and others bent on a cheaper holiday than +August could afford, were walking in light dresses about the roads, +emerging gaily from little front gates, clustering round the little +bright shops with their piles of fruit and cakes and sweets. It was a +bright-coloured company that Caroline saw about the streets as she went +along the road towards the familiar row of yellowish-red houses where +the Creddles lived. + +Mrs. Creddle was ironing, and she looked up from the board almost in +tears as her niece entered the kitchen. "Oh, Carrie," she began at +once, "I thought you'd be coming. I am in such a way. I don't know +whatever you'll say to me, but I've burnt a great place on the front +width of your dress. I was pressing it out, because you'd got it all +crumpled up in your drawer upstairs, and then Winnie tumbled down on +the fender and made her nose bleed. You never saw such a sight. So +somehow in my fluster I left the iron on the dress. I can't think how +I ever came to do such a thing." + +Caroline looked from the burnt front breadth to Mrs. Creddle's agitated +face and said nothing. Her disappointment was so great that she must +have "told Aunt Creddle off" if she had opened her lips, and she did +not want to do that, because she could see the poor woman was +distressed enough already. + +"Oh, well; never fret!" she managed to say at last. "Plenty more +dances before I'm dead. We won't make a trouble about this one." + +"But I do," said Mrs. Creddle, dissolving into tears at this kindly +address. "Me--that always wants you to enjoy yourself while you +can--to have gone and spoilt your only party dress! I could hit +myself, I could, if it would do any good." + +Upon this little Winnie, still tearful from past sorrows, began to cry +loudly again. "You shan't hit yourself, Mummy. I won't let you hit +yourself." + +"Here!" said Caroline, putting a parcel down on the table. "I got some +kippers as I came past the fish shop. I know Uncle Creddle fancies one +with his tea." + +"You shouldn't have done that, Carrie," said Mrs. Creddle, wiping her +eyes. "Kippers is dear nowadays, and I'm sure you have plenty to do +with your money." + +"Nonsense!" said Caroline. "I'm rolling in riches. You see my keep +costs me nothing, and I have all I earn to spend." She went towards +the door, saying over her shoulder: "Now, don't you worry about the +dress. I can easily get another, and you may cut this up into a Sunday +frock for Winnie." + +"That I never shall----" began Mrs. Creddle: then her round face became +suddenly illuminated. "Why, yes, so I will. And then you can have the +one Miss Temple gave me to make into something for the children. It's +a queer sort of colour--neither red nor yellow--but it looks all right +by night. She said Mr. Wilson didn't like to see her in it. Of +course, she's bigger than you, but they wear things so short and loose +nowadays that I dare say if I hem the bottom up it will be all right. +My word, I am glad I thought of it. I hate keeping you away from the +dance." + +Caroline paused on the threshold. "I don't like wearing other people's +clothes," she said doubtfully. + +"No; but Miss Temple's different. She gives things with such a good +heart and she never talks about what she does. I can't see that you +need mind her," urged Mrs. Creddle. "There's no time to get another +dress. It's that, or stopping away from the dance." + +Still Caroline hesitated, standing there on the blue linoleum with the +bright light shining through the open door on her face. "Oh! all +right," she exclaimed finally, then glanced at the clock. "Goodness, I +shall be late! You can measure the dress against my old frock. I +haven't a minute." And she was out, banging the door behind her. + +But before she was many yards away, the door burst open again and Mrs. +Creddle's anxious face looked out. "Carrie! Carrie! You don't want +to tell your uncle if you come across him. He'd have a fit if he knew +you were going to the dance on the prom., let alone wearing that fine +frock. You know what he is!" + +"Don't I just!" responded Caroline, her spirits beginning to rise +again. "Well, what he doesn't know he can't grieve about, so you keep +a still tongue in your head and I'll run round for the dress when I +leave the prom. after tea." Then at last she was running along the +grey pavements with the clean wind blowing towards her from the sea. + +In her haste she almost ran into three men who were coming along from +the direction of the Cottage with measuring tapes and other appliances +in their hands, but she took no particular notice of them, never +dreaming that these three commonplace looking men in ordinary dark +clothes could even now be haunting another person's imagination with +the sinister effect of birds of prey who mark the approach of an +invading horde. + +But Miss Ethel had seen them from her upper window, and the sight of +them walking about in the field had produced an acute physical feeling +of nausea and faintness; for her fear lest the field should be built +upon and the last seclusion spoilt, had already made one of those deep +ruts in the mind along which every thought runs when not actually +driven in another direction. And each time Miss Ethel's thoughts +passed that way, the rut was bound to become deeper. Though she +imagined herself so self-controlled, and seemed so safe as she went +quietly about her work removing the dust from corners where Caroline +had left it, she was indeed a woman in real danger, still fighting all +the great forces of change arrayed against her, and which she must give +in to or be destroyed. + + + + +_Chapter V_ + +_The Dance on the Promenade_ + +A night in June brings to the mind of most people soft airs--the scent +of roses--a time when the young can sit out-of-doors in the moonlight, +and the middle-aged may venture forth without risk of catching cold. +But even on such a night in Thorhaven there is a nipping freshness at +sunset which keeps the mind alert instead of lulling the senses--giving +an exquisite clearness to the thoughts of lovers: at any rate, to the +thoughts of lovers like Laura Temple. + +But visitors did not realize this, only remarking to each other with +disapproval that it was much colder than in Flodmouth, and that you +always needed a thick coat in the evening at Thorhaven, whatever the +time of year. At the present moment, however, most of them were +hurrying away from the wide expanse of shore and sea that glimmered +under the reflection of the sunset, for dancing was to start at +half-past eight in the glass hall which filled the centre of the +promenade. + +The girl in charge of the pay-box was busier than usual, and Caroline +stood at a little distance taking a professional interest in the number +of tickets sold. Her first feeling of importance had worn off, but she +had the correct official air of detachment, glancing at the throng +which hurried through the barrier with a sort of indulgent superiority, +while the band under the glass roof of the hall tootled faintly against +the deep roll of the waves. The immensity of the arched sky above, +with the dim, flat land on one side, and the expanse of darkening sea +on the other, seemed to give to those dance tunes an indescribable +melancholy. They seemed to epitomize all the shortness and futility of +the little lives which had flickered for a few years on the edge of +that sea and then gone out. + +Not that Caroline thought of this, being a normal, healthy girl, but a +shadow of the thought fell across her bright path and she shivered +slightly, drawing her coat closer round her throat. "Come on," she +said, turning to Wilf, who stood near waiting for her. "That band +gives me the pip, hearing it from the outside. You want something +louder than that near the sea." + +"Well, you had the steam roundabouts on Bank Holiday, and you didn't +like that," said Wilf cheerfully. "Some folks are never satisfied." + +"Look!" said Caroline. "There's that friend of Miss Laura Temple's." + +Wilf turned to watch a group coming through the barrier. They were +young people from some of the larger houses that had been built to +accommodate business people from Flodmouth, but evidently not of the +sort that desires constant gaiety, or they would not have lived in +Thorhaven. Now they had made up a little party to come and dance in +the promenade hall, with the simple object of enjoying a fair floor and +a band that played in tune. + +As they passed Wilf and Caroline, one said eagerly to the other: +"Where's Laura Temple? I don't see anything of her. She and Godfrey +Wilson were to have waited here for us." + +"Oh, didn't you know? Got a sore throat and can't----" + +They went on, and Caroline breathed again. She had never thought of +Laura being at a dance on the promenade, and the sudden idea of meeting +the original owner of the flame-coloured dress gave her a little shock. +The whole situation, as it might have been, opened out in front of her +for a moment or two, bristling with unpleasantnesses, and she glanced +down at the edge of colour appearing under her coat with a distinct +regret that she had been persuaded by Mrs. Creddle into wearing the +dress. Better far to have stopped at home. + +Then there was Wilf, taking her arm with cool possessiveness. "Come +on, Carrie! _I_ aren't going to stop here all night while you think +over your sins." He laughed and the two girls standing near him +laughed too--not that they felt amused, but because laughter was the +accepted accompaniment to such conversations. + +So they went along together under the first star that hung high in the +green sky, and the Flamborough light trembled across the water just as +they entered the hot and crowded hall. The spectators--mostly +middle-aged--sat in a solid phalanx round the sides of the room doing +knitting or crochet, hoping against hope to see other folks make fools +of themselves, or afford a spectacle of some sort that might be worth +watching. + +Already several couples were whirling round on the polished floor, and +Caroline, who had come bare-headed, took off her coat at once, placed +it in a corner with Wilf's hat, and swung out into the dance. At first +Wilf and she were only conscious of being looked at and anxious to do +their steps with credit, but after a little while Wilf became agreeably +conscious that people were interested in them. He held his partner +more jauntily and redoubled his attention to the dance, occasionally +whispering some sally into Caroline's ear to show how much at ease he +was, and how dashingly he could "carry it off." + +Caroline on her part now felt an exhilarated conviction that her own +appearance in the flame-coloured dress was the source of attraction; +and every time she passed a certain place where a dark screen hung +behind the glass, she glanced at a revolving vision of excited eyes and +glowing draperies. + +The low rays of the sinking sun struck through the glass panes on the +western side of the hall and mingled with the gas, which was already +turned on, to create a sort of strange half-light in which nobody +seemed quite real. The couples swam round and round in this peculiar +radiance, while the heavy figures watching appeared to recede and grow +more dense. + +The music ceased and they stood still, breathing quickly, hemmed in by +a large group of people. After a while Caroline suddenly felt a touch +on her shoulder from behind. "I say, Laura, I thought you were +not----" And she turned round sharply to see Wilson with outstretched +arm peering between heads. "Oh," he exclaimed--"so sorry! I took you +for Miss Temple. I only caught a glimpse of your dress." + +"It's all right," said Caroline abruptly, crimson to the roots of her +hair. Then the music started again and she seized hold of Wilf's arm. +"Come along! We don't want to lose any of this." + +Wilson was left behind among a group who were not dancing at the +moment, but gradually they moved away and he stood there alone, steady +on his feet--almost impressively self-reliant and sure of himself, +though he was neither tall nor handsome. As he stood idly looking on, +he began to notice the flame-coloured dress which had been Laura's +flashing in and out of the more sober garments. It displayed a good +deal of Caroline's figure, which was slim and clean made--something +like a Tanagra statuette, but less curved. He found himself watching +for her every time as she came round, and finally a thought darted +across his mind--a nymph on fire. Why!--he chuckled softly to himself, +pleased by the apt phrase and feeling clever--that was what it _was_, +by gad! But where on earth had she got a gown exactly like the one +which had suited Laura so badly? + +When the music stopped he moved from his place and walked straight up +to Caroline. "I must apologize for having touched you on the arm, but +I only caught a glimpse of your dress through the crowd," he said, "and +at first I thought you were Miss Temple. She has a dress exactly like +the one you are wearing." + +"Oh, it's all right," repeated Caroline, beginning to move off. Then +she suddenly stopped short. After all, he would get to know. She was +not going to look as if she were ashamed of what she had done. "It is +the same dress," she said, throwing up her head with a jerk, as she did +when she was defiant. "Miss Temple gave it to my aunt, Mrs. Creddle, +and I'm wearing it because Aunt burnt a frock of mine." + +"Lucky thing she did," said Wilson easily. "I can't quite see Mrs. +Creddle in this gown--at least, if she is the lady I have encountered +at Miss Wilson's." + +"Ha! ha!" laughed Wilf, feeling he owed it to his own dignity to assert +himself and join in somehow, but finding a difficulty in beginning. + +"Miss Temple didn't mean it to be worn. It was to make best frocks for +the little ones or something like that," said Caroline. "But I shan't +wear it again, so they'll have the benefit of it all the same." + +"Well, I'm sure the original wearer would be delighted if she could see +you in it," said Wilson. + +"Just what _I_ say," put in Wilf, seizing his chance. "Never saw +Carrie look better. She'll be immensely grateful to Miss Temple for +the loan of it, of course. Wonderful how the ladies can come to the +rescue of each other. Now, we men--it's a queer thing, Mr. Wilson, +when you come to think of it, but I don't suppose there's two pairs of +legs alike in this hall." + +"No?" said Wilson interestedly. "Well, I believe you are right. It is +strange what things can be discovered about life by keeping one's eyes +open. I daresay you don't let much escape yours." + +"Oh, I don't go about with them _shut_, of course," said Wilf modestly. +"But I'm like that. It's no credit to me. Always was from a kid." + +Wilson glanced round, letting his gaze pass over the little party from +the new villas with whom he was fairly well acquainted, then he turned +to Wilf. "I don't seem to see many people I know here. I wonder if +you would mind my having a turn with Miss Creddle?" he said. "That is, +if she does not object." + +"My name isn't Creddle; it's Raby," said Caroline. + +"Oh, I don't mind. I'll console myself somehow just for one dance," +said Wilf grandly, for he was feeling greatly flattered--first by being +regarded as Caroline's keeper, and also by the deferential attitude of +this older man who had reached the place in life where he would like to +be. + +"Will you be so kind, Miss Raby?" said Wilson. + +So Caroline, unable to refuse, allowed him to put his arm round her and +guide her out into the moving throng. After the first moment or two +when she was entirely engrossed in feeling annoyed with Wilf, she began +to experience a most peculiar and yet agreeable sensation--as if she +need not trouble about anything in the whole world ever any more. She +remained aware of the music, of the many-coloured throng going round +and round in the last rays of the sunset which mingled so strangely +with the artificial light from the roof of the hall--still she seemed +to be carried along apart from it all; to be enclosed by something +which emanated from the man who held her, and which isolated them both. +Once or twice he made some trivial remark, but nothing to need thinking +about; and when the music stopped she felt for a second or two a sort +of dizziness--like coming too suddenly out of a dim room into a bright +sunlight. + +"I must have met you somewhere before," he was saying. "I am sure I +remember your face." + +"Yes." She felt the odd dizziness leaving her. With an effort she +forced herself to become alert and keen again. "I expect you've seen +me collecting tickets. I and another girl take it in turns." + +"Ah! That must be what I am thinking of," he said. But he searched +his mind in vain for the recollection of a girl at that little window +in the pay-box who could by any magic of clothes and swaying steps be +transformed even for five minutes into a nymph on fire. + +But Wilf came up and he had to let her go--felt, indeed, no particular +desire to detain her; for Caroline greeted her admirer with such real +relief that he had no doubt of her feelings. She just caught hold of +Wilf's arm and began at once to move in time to the music, while that +gratified young man nodded jauntily over her shoulder to Wilson and +sailed off, thinking himself very grown-up and experienced and +important--a man with a female for whom he was responsible--one of the +initiate. + +Almost immediately after that Wilson went away, but it was three hours +later before Caroline and Wilf, having danced their fill, emerged into +the coolness of the midnight air. As they walked down the dim +promenade together, Wilf was still talking about Wilson. "Some chaps +say he is so stand-offish, but I always hold that people treat you as +you treat them. And if the fellows say anything of the sort to me in +the train, to-morrow, I shall just tell them they're wrong. Most +pleasant, he can be, when he likes." + +"Why shouldn't he be?" said Caroline. "You're as good as he is." + +"I know that, but I haven't got what he has. You don't understand the +world yet, Carrie, my dear," he said largely. "I tell you, that man +can smell when there's going to be land in the market, if there's +anything to be made out of it. Sort of second smell. Ha! ha!" + +Carrie laughed. "Go on! You really _are_ a one, Wilf!" But her +encouraging laughter was a veil to hide her thoughts--the old veil used +a thousand thousand times since life and love began. + +"Look here, Carrie," Wilf began again, suddenly serious. "What man has +done, man can do. I didn't mean to tell you yet, but I will." He +lowered his voice, glancing round at the calm immensity of the +moonlight night lest any one should hear him. "If I go on as I am +doing, I shall be worth five thousand pounds before I die." + +Carrie clutched his arm, looking into the smooth, boyish face so near +her own, with its young curves and sharpnesses made wistful by the +moonlight. She did not know why, but was suddenly filled with a sort +of aching, protective pity when she heard those words mingling with the +sound of the sea. It was Wilf's youngness and littleness in the face +of that immensity. "Five thousand pounds before I die!" And the sea +beating on the shore just the same---- + +But out of it all, the only words she found were: "I know you will, +Wilf. You'll do more than that. Look how your governor spoke about +your shorthand last week." + +"And that brings me," continued Wilf, growing more and more solemn and +important, "to what I really want to say. I'm going to get the ring +to-morrow, Carrie, so you'd better lend me that old one of your +mother's you have on, for a measure. I aren't going to ask you what +stones you'd like, because I shall get diamonds. A dress ring without +diamonds is nothing, and I mean my wife to have the best." + +"Diamonds! Oh, Wilf!" said Carrie. But the first glow of surprise and +pleasure passed almost before it was there. "Wife!" She didn't want +that. She wasn't ready for that. "Don't think of such a thing. We +can't be married for years and years. Besides, I don't want a ring. +It--it hasn't got so far, yet. We have always been friends, but when +it comes to settling down together for life---" + +He swung round. "What on earth do you mean?" he demanded. "Are you +keeping a loophole open to throw me over for somebody else?" + +"No, no!" she said. "I have never thought of anybody else. I couldn't +imagine myself going with anybody but you. Only I don't want to be +tied yet. I want to feel free a bit longer." + +"Is that all?" he said, then began to grow angry owing to a reaction +from his fright. "A nice fool you would make me look if you turned me +down now. I suppose you don't realize that my friends in the train +just wink at each other when they ask me to go anywhere of an evening, +knowing I shan't go. Then one chap--funny chap he is--always says, +'How's the C.R. doing?' You mayn't know where the joke comes in, but +C.R. stands for a railway as well as Carrie Raby. And after all that, +I'm to be played fast and loose with. It's carrying things a bit too +far. I don't say I agree with the times when men clubbed girls over +the head and brought them home like that, but I will say the pendulum +has swung too far. A girl can't have a boy of her own and be as free +as if she hadn't. I don't know what you think you want, Carrie." + +"I've no wish to be horrid, I'm sure," said Caroline. "I do think it +is most awfully kind and generous of you to want to give me a ring. +But I feel as if I would rather not have one." + +"Well, have it your own way, of course. Only I can't make all this +out," said Wilf. "If you didn't fancy me for a husband you might have +found out before. You've had plenty of time." + +"But I never _did_ think of you as a husband, somehow," said Caroline. +"We began to walk out together like boys and girls do, and it has gone +on. I don't say I shall never feel different. I can't picture myself +ever wanting to go with anybody but you. Only there it is." She +paused, looking out to sea, and the wash of the waves brought back to +some degree those feelings which she had experienced when he talked +about the five thousand pounds. "I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings, +Wilf. I'm sure I didn't want to. I only wanted to be straight with +you." + +"Well, we'll let it pass," said Wilf. "Girls have all sorts of funny +feelings we don't have, I expect; and a lot would have taken the ring +first and talked afterwards. I like a girl to be straight." + +But he did not. He was at the stage when what he most wanted from the +female sex was a sugared insincerity which looked like crude candour +and independence. And as they walked on again, though they were linked +together, she certainly appeared less desirable to him than she had +done when she was circling round the hall in Wilson's arms with her +bright draperies glowing between the gaslight and the sunset. + +When they had said farewell at the gate of the Cottage garden and he +stood waiting until he heard Caroline safely open the front door, these +discontents grew more active still. Here he was, seeing her home, and +making no objection, though some one had actually said in his hearing +that she was Miss Wilson's maid-servant. He had not told her this from +feelings of delicacy, but he began to think that delicacy was rather +wasted on her, and determined to do so at the next opportunity. + +Caroline opened the door softly and was creeping up the old stairs +which creaked at every step, when Miss Ethel peered out of her bedroom +and caught a glimpse of flame colour beneath the open coat. + +"Good night, Miss Ethel," said Caroline cheerfully. + +For a moment Miss Ethel could not bring words over her lips. That +Ellen's niece should return thus at midnight, opening the house door +with a latch-key, while she, herself, condoned it, though she +disapproved as violently as ever. She felt a sort of tingling shame +and resentment like a fighter who has to retreat, as she said in a +muffled tone: "Good night, Caroline." + + + + +_Chapter VI_ + +_Morning Calls_ + +Miss Ethel was sawing off the dead branch of a tree that threatened to +fall on the path when Mrs. Bradford came out of the house and walked +slowly across the garden, saying as she passed: "I don't know what you +want to do that for, Ethel. You look quite overheated. Why don't you +get a man to do it?" + +Miss Ethel--beads of perspiration on her flushed forehead and hands +trembling with exertion so that she could scarcely hold the +saw--replied with pardonable acerbity: "I didn't get a man because I +couldn't. You know that. Talk about unemployment! I only know you +can't get a jobbing gardener for half a day, even if you put your pride +in your pocket and crawl all round Thorhaven on your hands and knees +asking one to come as a favour--besides, what would he charge?" + +"Well, leave the branch, then," said Mrs. Bradford. "You do worry +yourself so, Ethel." + +"Somebody must worry," retorted Miss Ethel. Then the bough split +unexpectedly and fell, causing her to graze her hand so that it bled. +Immediately afterwards there came a loud crash from the other side of +the hedge, and for a moment the two women felt their hearts jump with +the old sense of helpless, defiant waiting on fate which they had +experienced when bombs fell from enemy aircraft during the war. But +the next second they remembered they were safe--though that had ceased +to be a thing to thank God for. + +"It's only a cartload of bricks being tipped," said Mrs. Bradford +rather faintly. + +"Only!" said Miss Ethel. "Don't you know that means they are beginning +to build? And just on the other side of our hedge! And then you +calmly stand there and say 'Only!' I wish I were made like you, +Marion." + +But she very obviously entertained no such desire, and Mrs. Bradford +walked on, saying over her shoulder: "I really came out to remind you +about going to Laura Temple's. If you really want to see her, it's +high time you went." + +Miss Ethel pulled her watch out of her belt, glanced at it and hurried +indoors, but came out again almost immediately in a hat, with a bundle +of papers in her hand. As she went down the road, she--like every one +else--being unable to take in all the impressions that pressed round +her, only absorbed those which fed the dominant idea in her mind, +automatically neglecting the rest. So when she turned out of the +garden gate and caught a glimpse of the cornfields beyond the Cottage +where a lark was singing, she missed the idea of permanence--seed-time +and harvest never failing--which might have soothed her mind, and only +thought how soon these fields too would be built over and spoilt. + +Change--change everywhere; not only thrones falling and ancient estates +going to the hammer, but little people like herself and Marion all over +the world made to feel it every hour. The very spire pointing upwards +against the blue-grey sky reminded her less of the eternal message than +of something in the service which was different from what it used to be +when she was a girl. + +But at last she reached a part of Thorhaven which did unconsciously +soothe and console her, for it remained just the same: white cottages +clustered under high trees and a little house facing the road where +Laura Temple lived with an old governess. The house was plain, built +close on to the pavement after the old Yorkshire village fashion; and a +flagged passage led through it to the garden behind; so when the doors +stood open, as now, a blaze of sunlight and clear colour was framed in +the further doorway. + +While Miss Ethel stood waiting on the step, Laura entered from the +garden with some flowers in her hands. "Oh! Do come in, Miss Wilson," +she said. "This is nice of you." And she led the way into a square +room hung with white curtains and light chintz covers; not an +"artistic" room at all, but one which somehow matched the garden +outside, as well as Laura herself. + +In a well-cushioned chair by the sunny window sat a short, stout lady +with very pretty pink hands and faded blue eyes, who rose up from her +knitting to greet the visitor. She was the old governess who lived +with Laura, and her real name was Panton, but she had always been +"Nanty" in the far-off nursery days, and so she was called still by +intimates of the family whose various branches she had trained to read +and spell. Now she was--as she herself said--eating the bread of +idleness; her two great and absorbing interests in life being Laura and +knitting. She had been afflicted doubtless with adenoids in her own +childhood, but at that time they were not generally considered +removable. At all events, she now confused her M's and B's +intermittently, as she always had done, and never troubled herself +about it, being an easy-going person. + +She did not mind, for instance, telling anyone how Laura called to see +her one day when she was living in lodgings in Flodmouth, and there and +then invited her to come and keep house. But she could not tell what +caused this sudden impulse, because she did not know. As a matter of +fact, it was just one of those trifles which do influence human conduct +by touching the emotions--and always will, let cynics say what they +may. And the ridiculous thing which touched this hidden spring in +Laura was a very stale, untouched, highly ornamented cake which Miss +Panton cut with fingers that trembled from eagerness--so pleased and +excited was she by having a visitor at last. "I rather thought I might +have had a good bany callers--my papa was so well down here in the old +days. But there does not seeb to be anybody left." + +The familiar "seeb"--the sudden picture of poor old Nanty waiting there +for those callers, descendants of her papa's substantial circle, who +never came--the glow of a generous girl newly engaged who wants to make +everybody else happy--all this had influenced Laura to say, without +waiting to think: "Come and live with me until I am married. I'd +simply love to have you, Nanty. Miss Wilson is always saying I ought +to have a chaperone since I ceased wandering about and went to live in +my own little house at Thorhaven." + +So that was how Miss Panton came to be sitting in that pleasant corner +of the sunny room, doing her knitting and listening while Laura talked +to Miss Ethel about the nursing fund in which they were both +interested. Occasionally Miss Panton would push forward mechanically a +conversational counter from the little store she kept always by her. +Thus when Miss Ethel spoke of the bricks that had arrived on the other +side of the privet hedge, Nanty glanced up for a second to remark in +her throaty little voice: "It is hard. That lovely garden of yours, +Miss Ethel---- But tibe and tide wait for no ban!" Then she sighed +and resumed her absorbing occupation, satisfied that she had taken her +due part in the social amenities. + +This habit of using ready-made platitudes arose no doubt from laziness +of mind, as well as from the natural timidity produced by being a +nursery governess in days when such unfortunate young females hovered +ever uncertainly between basement and drawing-room. She had got into +the way then of making remarks at the luncheon table which she knew +must be correct, because they were in all the copy-books. + +Now she and Laura lived very happily together, and this pleasant +feeling was intensified by the rather exaggerated adoration of the +girl's lover which such a situation is apt to produce. The little +household circled round his goings and comings, and the young mistress +of it lavished on Wilson all the family affection she had at the +disposal of a large circle, if she had been blest with one, as well as +the pure passion of a woman deeply in love. + +At last Miss Ethel finished her business, closed her little notebook +and made a brisk remark about the building in the next field, because +she was always very careful not to hurt Miss Panton's feelings. + +"Delightful! Delightful!" said Nanty, seeking the appropriate +conversational counter--"at least, I bean----" She paused, breathed +hard, and added with a rush: "I'm sure Mr. Wilson was deeply distressed +at being obliged to be the one to sell it. But if he had not done so, +somebody else would. Business is business," she concluded, pink to the +nose-end with the effort. + +Laura's colour also rose a little. "Yes. I know Godfrey was sorry. +Only he is tremendously keen to get on, of course, and you can't +afford--I sometimes think he is too keen." + +But Miss Ethel was not going to have that. It must be made plain at +once, that though _she_, herself, might run down her own second cousin, +he was the sort of man whom any girl ought to be proud to marry, even +though she did possess an agreeable sum of money at her own sole +disposal. "I have always considered Godfrey a gentleman--if that is +what you mean?" she said stiffly. + +But Laura was looking out of the window and did not listen. "Oh, here +is Godfrey!" she said, jumping up. "Will you excuse me a moment, Miss +Ethel?" And she hurried off to prevent an awkward meeting. + +But before she reached the door, Godfrey was already in the +room--alert, buoyant, with his air of being well fed, well bathed, well +groomed and entirely certain of himself. Immediately after greeting +Laura, he turned to Miss Ethel. "I am very glad to have come across +you," he said, "I am afraid you felt hurt about that field before your +house; but the Warringborns meant to sell, so of course I couldn't tell +them to take their business elsewhere. And they were urgent, so the +whole thing was arranged hurriedly." + +Miss Ethel drew down her mouth but said nothing; and before Laura could +make some trivial remark Miss Panton nervously filled in the pause by +murmuring: "Quite so. Delays are dadegerous." + +Then Miss Ethel rose to go, and having recovered herself a little she +did manage to say a civil word to Wilson about the weather--because +after all he was her kinsman, and must be supported here as such. + +A few minutes later, Wilson and Laura followed along the same road. +"Then I suppose we may take it that diplomatic relations have now been +resumed?" he said with a grin. + +Laura smiled--but kindly--feeling some pity for Miss Ethel. "After +all, it is hard to have people looking over your hedge when you have +always had the place absolutely private. Only she will make such a +tragedy of the inevitable." + +But Godfrey was not greatly concerned with Miss Ethel's feelings. "I +say, Laura," he began eagerly, pointing to some new houses. "There are +tremendous opportunities in Thorhaven for a man with capital. If only +I had twenty thousand pounds at my disposal, I could be a rich man in +ten years' time." + +She looked up at him quickly, flushing a little. "Well, you can have, +Godfrey. I'd like you to have it. I get possession of my money on my +marriage, you know: and, thank goodness, it is not in trust. My father +had a perfect horror of leaving things in trust." + +"I'm not sure I agree with him there," said Godfrey. "You might have +got hold of a chap who would make ducks and drakes of your money. But +as things are, it is all right, of course. The only question is--shall +you always be absolutely comfortable about it? Because, if you would +even feel the very faintest----" + +"But I don't! I never shall," interposed Laura. "You know I'd trust +you with a million if I had it." + +He slipped his hand through her arm, for just then they turned the +corner and met the sea wind full in their faces. "Dear old girl: there +are not many like you." + +Laura felt herself propelled along so easily with his thick-set figure +between her and the wind from the sea; the warm vitality that came out +from him and seemed to run also through her veins, making her feel +stronger, gayer, more exuberantly full of energy than she ever did when +alone. She wanted to tell him her feelings, after the way of lovers, +and so she turned to him with a little quick pressure of his arm in +hers as they neared the pay-box. "Godfrey! I feel as if I could jump +over the moon. Don't you? It must be this lovely morning." + +He let his glance rove idly over the promenade gardens and the road +leading to it, which certainly looked their best on this day of real +summer, when there was hot sunshine to warm the breeze, and girls and +children in pink and blue and white and yellow playing on the sands. +The sea was a sparkling green and a couple of boys ran out into the +surf, shouting as they ran. . . . But though Wilson had an eye for +beauty, he was thinking chiefly of the row of villas which could be +built where a cornfield now grew--and lodging-houses on the cliff top +with steps down from the gardens to the shore--and the money rolling +in. Then he heard Laura speaking to the girl in the pay-box as she +went through the barrier; and with a sudden jolt of the memory the +nymph in the flame-coloured gown came back to mind, though he had +forgotten all about her from the night of the promenade dance until the +present moment. + +He hesitated a few seconds, then he also stepped forward and peered in +at the little window with Laura, who was still talking; and instantly, +his sudden curiosity fell flat like a bubble pricked. For he saw just +enough resemblance in this ordinary, pale, alert little girl, with the +bright eyes and the freckles on her nose, to make sure she was the same +person, and after that one glance he stood looking away to sea with his +hands in his pockets, whistling softly, awaiting his lady's pleasure. +He was no longer curious. + +Caroline, defiantly aware of all this, answered Laura's pleasant +remarks at random. She was not going to have him tell about the red +dress in his own way--since he had evidently never thought again of it +or her--making a funny tale to amuse Miss Laura--she'd tell it in _her_ +way! "Miss Temple, I wanted to tell you, I wore that flame-coloured +dress you gave Aunt Creddle at the promenade dance the other night. +She burnt mine ironing it out, so I borrowed that at the last minute. +But I did it no harm and gave it back to her next day." The words came +out breathlessly, in a little rush, and the bright eyes peered +defiantly through the little window. + +"Oh, what a pity to give it back," said Laura. "I expect it suited +you, and really I only gave it to Mrs. Creddle, because Mr. Wilson +disliked it so much." She smiled round at him, then turned again to +Caroline. "Do wear it again, and then I can let you have the shoes and +stockings to match. They are such a peculiar shade that they will go +with nothing else I have." + +"No, thank you," said Caroline abruptly: but the next minute she smiled +into the face so near her own, softening her refusal--for she could not +help feeling the charm of that open-eyed kindness with which Laura had +looked out at the world since she was in the cradle. It was so real: +and yet it formed a weak spot in Laura's nature. For she wanted so +much to be liked that she was--as some one had once said of her--just a +little bit disappointed if a stray cat did not purr as she went past. +Now she answered quite eagerly, but with a perfectly genuine eagerness: +"Oh, I do hope you'll change your mind. Anyway, I'll send the shoes +and stockings, though I'm afraid the shoes will be too big for you." + +Then she went off, leaving Caroline tingling from head to foot with +annoyance against Wilson. To think he should treat her in that way, as +if the dance the other night were something to be ashamed of. Only +wait until he tried to speak to her when Miss Temple was not there, and +he should see what would happen. + +But Wilson was walking by Laura's side on the promenade without the +remotest intention of talking to Caroline again: and he had so lost +interest in her that he was almost surprised to hear his lady ask how +the dress looked. + +"I spoke to the girl because I mistook her for you from the back," he +said. + +"But did she look nice in it?" persisted Laura. + +"Nice?" He paused, and she was so tall that his face was almost on a +level with her own. Then he glanced back at the pay-box. "Poor little +devil! She can't have known herself, if she happened to see her +reflection that night. The dress worked miracles. I can hardly +believe it was the same girl." + +"She is engaged to some young man in an office in Flodmouth, I +believe," said Laura. "I wonder if you could do anything for him?" + +"I'm afraid not. We don't interfere in each other's office +arrangements in Flodmouth business circles," he said, teasing her, +though he saw and appreciated that kindness always welling up in her +like a spring, ready for every one. "All right, old girl. If I have a +chance, I'll do what I can," he added, "but the youth only looks about +nineteen, so they have plenty of time yet." + +"Nobody has too much time to be happy in," said Laura, smiling at her +lover. "Fancy, if we had fallen in love with each other and married +ten years ago, we should have been all that to the good." + +He laughed. "We might have been all that to the bad," he said. "You +don't know what I was like at nineteen, Laura." + +So they went along, very happy, laughing and talking together, viewed +with envy, contempt or sympathy by the girls and women who read and +worked round the band-stand. A thin stream of music drifted out with a +sort of melancholy sprightliness to join the deep sound of waves +breaking and drawing back from the gravel on the sands. In the +distance Caroline looked out from her little window at Wilson's broad +back and hated them both, in spite of Laura's kindness. They'd +everything--everything. What right had one girl to have so much more +than another? . . . Then a bevy of children came through the barrier, +and when she next looked the lovers had vanished. + +But later in the morning when Wilson returned home alone by way of the +promenade, he glanced at Caroline in passing the barrier with the +faintest renewed stirring of curiosity. Surely there must have been +something--he couldn't quite have imagined it _all_ that night at the +dance. Then he saw a bill near the gate announcing another dance this +week, and that made him say lightly, as he went through the iron +turnstile: "Shall you be at the dance on Thursday? You ought to wear +that red dress again." + +"No, I aren't--I'm not going to wear the dress any more." She spoke +rudely, abruptly--saying to herself that this was what she had expected. + +He read her thoughts with ease, smiling to himself, for he knew +something about women. But as he looked at her closely in the strong +light, he became aware of a velvety texture in her skin which is +usually seen only in children. She had a powdering of freckles on her +nose, and her pupils had dilated with anger until her eyes looked +black; her head was very erect on her slim shoulders. He thought to +himself that here were traces of the nymph after all---at least, here +was a girl who might conceivably look like one by artificial light and +in the right gown. And beyond that, he was vaguely conscious of +something in her that was pliant yet unbreakable--or almost +unbreakable--and which defied him and all the world. + +"What will your other cavalier say to that?" he said. "I expect he +will want to see you take the shine out of all the other girls once +more." + +"Excuse me. There is some one waiting to come through," said Caroline +with immense aloofness. + +But inwardly she was furious with herself for feeling a just +perceptible response to his virile personality and his absolute +sureness. Anything he _wanted_---- Then she bent her mind resolutely +upon a respected inhabitant of Thorhaven. + +"Yes, lovely day, isn't it?" she said. "I suppose you're full up with +visitors?" + +The woman replied that she was full up, and furthermore that she would +remain in the same happy condition until October, then said casually as +she moved off: "I didn't know you were living servant with Miss Wilson. +I suppose you'll stop there altogether when this job on the promenade +is done?" + +"I aren't--I'm not living servant with her," said Caroline sharply. +"Who's been telling you that? I simply went to light the fire for them +in the morning and do a few odd jobs until they could get somebody +permanent." + +"But I always understood from Mrs. Creddle you were going to be servant +there," persisted the woman. "She once told me your aunt Ellen +promised years ago." + +"Very likely she did," said Caroline. "I can't help that. Everybody +must do the best they can for themselves." + +"Well, you're right there," answered the woman, and saying Amen thus to +the creed of her day, she took up her basket and went through the +turnstile. + + + + +_Chapter VII_ + +_Sea-Roke_ + +One afternoon at the turn of the tide, a sort of transformation scene +took place along the sands and on the promenade; a bank of cold vapour +advanced from the sea, through which the sun glimmered faintly yellow, +then disappeared. The girls' thin blouses began to flap limply against +their chilled arms; matrons turned a little red or blue about the nose; +children's hair either curled more tightly or hung limp, while their +cheeks took on a lovely colour in the cool dampness; tiny beads of +moisture hung on everybody's eyelashes. Those who had come out to the +seaside from the hot streets of Flodmouth felt when they emerged from +the railway station, as if they were plunging into a cold vapour bath. + +When Caroline went to relieve her colleague Lillie at tea-time, she was +met by a stream of nurses, protesting infants and middle-aged women on +their way home. And as the men who had just arrived from a day's +business in the city made straight for their lodgings, Thorhaven in the +very midst of the season took on an air of exclusion--of remoteness. +You could notice the wash of the waves again now. + +The mist crept steadily along inland, muffling the church, the trees +beyond--almost hiding the privet hedge from Miss Ethel as she glanced +out of the window. + +"A heavy roke. I hope it won't last," she said; but she was not really +thinking of what she was saying because her attention was engrossed by +the noises on the other side of the hedge. Never the same +continuously, but always changing, so that the ear never became dulled +by knowing what to expect. A sharply whistled tune. Voices. The +knock, knock, knock of a tool on a hard substance. A sound of +scraping. Then blessed silence for a few seconds. Then knock, knock, +knock again. She turned impatiently to Mrs. Bradford, who sat close up +to the window reading the paper. "Thank goodness, it is nearly five; +the men will be gone directly." + +"You should try to get used to it," said Mrs. Bradford. "You have let +it get on your nerves." And she returned at once to the newspaper in +which she was reading a minutely-reported divorce case; for though a +stolid and intensely respectable woman she loved to read these reports. +"It is plain to see that the husband wants to get rid of his wife," she +said after a while. + +"Well, that seems easily done nowadays," said Miss Ethel, listening +still as she spoke. "Perhaps women don't realize that though they can +easily get rid of an unsatisfactory husband, it will be just as easy +for a satisfactory husband to get rid of them." + +But Mrs. Bradford did not care for abstract questions. "I expect the +Marchioness will have the custody of the children," she said. + +So Miss Ethel took up the other half of the paper to try and distract +her mind from the noises over the hedge. But every head-line seemed to +dart at her sore consciousness as if it were a snake's head with a +sting in it. Murder. Unrest. Strikes. Dissatisfactions. Change. +The whole outlook was indescribably comfortless and depressing to her. +She felt something akin to the vague, apprehensive misery--beyond +reason or common sense--which people feel during the rumble of a +distant earthquake. + +"I hate reading the papers," she said, flinging the sheet down. + +"You shouldn't read the parts that worry you. I don't," said Mrs. +Bradford. "But you always were one to work yourself up about things. +I remember once how you fretted over some little newsboys with no +stockings on, when we went into Flodmouth as children to see the +pantomime. You worried yourself and everybody else to death. But they +were used to it, as dear father said, and it did them no harm. You are +of the worrying sort, Ethel, and you should try to hold yourself in." + +"Poor world if nobody worried," said Miss Ethel; then she rose abruptly +and carried out the tea-tray. + +Soon she was back again with a duster in her hand, beginning to dust +the large bookshelf, which had been overlooked for a day or two. As +her duster passed over the red-leather backs of the old bound volumes +of _Punch_ she saw with a wistful inner eye--as if she looked back to a +Promised Land on which the gate was shut for ever--that world of swells +and belles, of croquet and sunshine, of benevolence to the "poor" and +fingers touching forelocks, black being black and white white. + +Then Mrs. Bradford spoke again. "Why not leave that dusting, Ethel? +You have been at it all day." + +"Somebody must," said Miss Ethel, going on dusting. + +"Well, I only wish I could do more," said Mrs. Bradford, comfortably +turning her page with a rustling crackle. "But my legs have given way +ever since I was married. I don't know why, I'm sure; but marriage +does seem to affect the constitution in queer ways." + +Miss Ethel felt--as she was intended to feel--that it was not within +her power to comprehend the mysteries of the conjugal state; so +acquiescing from long habit in her sister's torpidity, she went on with +her dusting. + +But her head ached appallingly, and she looked at the clock-hands +nearing five with a feeling that she could bear the sounds of building +so long and no longer. If they lasted a single minute beyond that time +something inside her head would snap. Knock--knock--knock; +scrape--scrape; the thud of something thrown down. She felt her breath +coming fast as she waited for the moment when her aching senses would +be lulled by the cessation of it all--when she would rest on a blissful +silence. + +"Thank God, it's five o'clock!" she said, flinging down her duster. + +"Yes. The men will be leaving work now," said Mrs. Bradford. + +Miss Ethel continued her work again, moving quietly about the room. +Wave after wave of wet salt air was rolling in from the sea, pressing +upon that which travelled slowly inland, so that the roke grew very +dense, and the little house seemed to be cut off from all the world. + +Miss Ethel sat down and leaned her head back with her eyes shut: Mrs. +Bradford continued to read the paper, then rustled a page and looked at +her sister over it. As she did so, Miss Ethel sat up with a jerk and +stared across the room. + +"Bless me!" said Mrs. Bradford, "what are you staring at me like that +for, Ethel? Do I look ill?" And she began to wonder if she felt ill, +for she always feared a stroke. + +"Listen!" said Miss Ethel in an odd tone. "Don't you hear them? They +are working overtime." + +Mrs. Bradford took her paper up irritably. "Goodness! Is that all." +She also listened, then added: "What nonsense you talk, Ethel! There +is not a sound. They have stopped work for the night." + +Miss Ethel walked to the window where the grey air clung to the glass +and stood there a moment, listening intently. It was true. She could +hear nothing. + +But as soon as she sat down by the fire and was not thinking, it began +again--knock, knock, knock. . . . + +"They are there still," she said. "They must be." + +"I tell you they are not," said Mrs. Bradford. "You have simply got +the noise on your nerves. If you don't take care, you will be really +ill. You think about the noise morning, noon and night, until you +fancy you hear it." + +"I'm not a fool," said Miss Ethel. "Surely I know whether I hear a +noise or not." + +"I don't know about that," said Mrs. Bradford. "I saw a case in the +paper of a man who fancied he heard a drum beating when there was +nothing at all, really." + +"But I'm not 'a case,'" said Miss Ethel, tartly, pressing her hand to +her forehead. "And I'm going to see if the men really _have_ left or +not." + +Mrs. Bradford glanced out of the window. "Well, you must want +something to do," she said. "You might just hand me that sheet you +were reading, as you go out." + +The door banged. Miss Ethel's dim form was visible for a moment as she +passed the window then the mist hid her altogether. + + +Caroline was also engulfed in it as soon as she came out of the little +shelter at the entrance of the promenade. She could taste it on her +lips, the wet drops clung to her eyelashes. Lillie, who had just +arrived to take her place, looked all out of curl like a moulting bird, +but both of them were spiritualized by the grey mist which blurred +their outlines and through which their lips and eyes showed fresh and +wistful. + +"Pity you've got your new hat on, Carrie," said Lillie, shaking out her +knitted cap. Then she giggled. "But I suppose you were expecting to +meet your boy at the train." + +Carrie shook her head. "No, I'm going back home first. I have to see +about supper." + +"I expect you'll take the place on altogether when the season's over," +said the girl. + +"Not me!" said Caroline, answering the faint echo of condescension in +the other's tone. "I've told you time and again, Lillie, how it was I +went there. What's more, I'm telling Miss Ethel to-night that I can't +stop any longer." + +She had not meant to do it precisely on this evening, but suddenly +found herself in possession of a full-fledged decision. + +"What are you going to do after the prom. closes then," said Lillie. + +"Take a post in an office in Flodmouth," said Caroline. + +"But you can't do typewriting or shorthand," said Lillie, unimpressed. +"You won't find it so easy. I know I had my work set to get a decent +job to go to in October, and I'm thoroughly trained. I only took to +this on account of my health. I never----" + +"You've told me that before," interposed Caroline shortly. "And I can +do typewriting. I have been taking lessons with Miss Wannock." + +"Well, I wish you luck, I'm sure," said Lillie shortly, shutting down +the little window with a click to keep out the damp. She was +sufficiently good-hearted, but the trades union spirit was in her and +she did not like the idea that another girl should find a post without +going through exactly the same training as herself. + +Caroline turned towards the main road where nobody could be +distinguished twenty yards away and men looked like trees walking; but +after a minute or two she noticed something in the general shape and +gait of a man coming her way which made her feel sure it was Wilson. +She wondered whether he would speak if he caught her up, or whether he +would fail to recognize her in the mist, or would give a brief good +afternoon and pass on. She slackened speed a little, for though she +was still angry with him it would be a "bit of fun" to hear what he had +to say. There was also another and far more potent reason. If he +walked with her, Lillie would be proved in the wrong; for he would not +walk and talk with one whom he regarded as his relatives' maid-servant. +But he was nearly past and did not look her way. + +"Good evening, Mr. Wilson," she piped then; her voice sounding crudely +loud to herself in the grey stillness. But she had to prove her place +in the world--make certain of it, lest she should lose it. + +"Oh!" He swung round, peering into her face--at first not remembering +her. Then something in her bright glance reminded him. "So it is you, +is it? Hurrying home to get ready to dance again to-night, I suppose?" +He spoke indifferently, disinclined for adventure in the chill, damp +atmosphere of this late afternoon. Still he went on, being by nature +somewhat expansive. "Is Miss Wilson at home this afternoon, do you +know?" then fell into step by Caroline's side without thinking of it. + +"Yes. Were you wanting to see her?" said Caroline; but underneath, she +was saying to herself: "If I'd done what Aunt Creddle wanted, and been +a servant out and out, I should never have walked with Mr. Wilson like +this." She felt consciously proud of being a "business girl"--one of +the great company that had every evening free, and could wear low necks +and powder their faces. But there was more than that in it---- + +Wilson glanced sideways at her, vaguely satisfied with the lightness of +her step by his side and the look of her lips and eyes through the +mist. His interest was beginning to wake again. "I am going to the +Cottage with some tickets for that Garden Fete for the Hospital which +Miss Ethel and Miss Temple are helping to get up." + +"Oh, can I take them?" said Caroline. + +"No, thank you. I have a message from Miss Temple to deliver as well," +he answered. + +There was practically no one to be seen on the road--only a few distant +objects moving in the mist--and it would have been awkward for either +of them to leave the other, so they settled down to walk all the way to +the Cottage together. + +She spoke abruptly, nervously. "I'm leaving soon, you know. I'm going +into an office. I can type, but I can't do shorthand. Still, I aren't +afraid of work. If only I could get a bit more practice I should be a +very quick typist--the teacher says so." + +He walked on, saying nothing, and she thought she had offended him--no +doubt he feared she was going to ask him to give her a job. She +flushed crimson and added quickly: "I shall find a job all right. A +friend of mine is looking round for me." + +He turned to her, smiling, and his tone was slightly more familiar than +it would have been to a girl of his ordinary acquaintance. "I see. +The friend I saw you with at the dance. Well, I hope he'll find what +you want." + +"I have no doubt he will, thank you," said Caroline. + +Wilson was silent for a few minutes. "Look here," he said, "I think we +have a spare machine at the office that I could lend you for a time to +practise on. You must have practice." + +Then he waited complacently for her to swing round towards him--as she +did--her eyes and voice filled with surprised gratitude: for he was +getting on well in the world himself, and he liked sometimes to feel +what a good-hearted fellow he was, in spite of it. + +"Oh, that's all right," he said. "But I am sorry you have to leave +Miss Wilson." + +"So am I, in a way. But you must look after yourself in these days," +said Caroline, repeating her formula. "Things aren't like they used to +be." She paused. "My goodness, I'm glad they aren't! Fancy if I had +had to be another Aunt Ellen all my life." + +He laughed, pleased with himself and her. "Well, I must own that I'm +glad I was not born into a stagnant world." + +A sense of power--of vitality heightened by the stormy times in which +they lived, ran through them both as they spoke. It was rather like +the feeling of a strong swimmer in a roughish sea, with fitful sunshine +and little breakers far out towards the horizon. + +By this time they had reached the Cottage and Caroline went in to +announce Wilson's arrival. Mrs. Bradford was still reading her paper, +but Miss Ethel had not yet returned from her errand to see if the +workmen were still working at the new houses. + +"I can't think," said Mrs. Bradford, "what Ethel means by going on like +this. She just ran out with a shawl round her, and has been absent +three-quarters of an hour. I told her the men had stopped work, but +she would go to see for herself. I am afraid she may have fallen over +a brick or something in the fog." She turned to Caroline. "I wish you +would just go and see." + +Caroline went out at once and Wilson followed her with a word to Mrs. +Bradford. As they crossed the garden the privet hedge loomed like a +wall, and above it could be seen the dim outline of brickwork left +jaggedly unfinished. Caroline stumbled as she went through the little +side gate beyond the hedge, but righted herself immediately, and Wilson +withdrew the hand he had put out to help her. Then they walked +cautiously among the bricks in the long grass, calling out: "Are you +there? Are you there?" But all was dead silence. At last Caroline +caught her foot on something soft--dreadful. She had yet no idea why +it was dreadful. Then she bent closer. "Miss Ethel! It's Miss +Ethel!" She went down on her knees in the long grass. "Miss Ethel! +Are you hurt?" + +There was no answer, and Caroline said over her shoulder in a quick, +low voice: "You'd better go and fetch a doctor. We must not move her +until we know if she has broken anything. Send Mrs. Bradford with some +rugs." + +And though she was so terribly sorry, she was also pleased with her +self-control. Aunt Ellen and Aunt Creddle would not have been able to +take it like this when they were nineteen. This was what darted +through Caroline's mind, even while she spoke. + +But the next moment Miss Ethel moaned a little and began to sit up, +looking round her affrightedly at the half-built walls in the mist. +"What's the matter? What's the matter? I'm on the wrong side of the +hedge." Then she remembered and began to shiver violently from head to +foot. "I know. I came to see if the men were working. But they were +not. The field was all empty. It--I was so sure I heard them--it +startled me not to find them here. I think I must have fainted." + +"Hush! Don't bother to talk now, Miss Ethel," said Caroline. "You are +all right now." + +"You are sure you have not broken any bones?" said Wilson. + +"Bones? No." Miss Ethel was recovering herself quickly. "It's +nothing. I shall be all right in a minute or two. Here, give me your +hand, Caroline." + +"I daresay you tripped over a brick, Miss Ethel; I very nearly did," +said Caroline, helping her to rise. + +"Yes, that was it, that was it!" said Miss Ethel, speaking with a sort +of exhausted eagerness. + +At first as they went up the field she held Wilson's arm, but soon +released it and went forward alone. "I'm all right now," she insisted. +"Quite all right." + +Mrs. Bradford came out into the hall as they entered, and billows of +salt mist followed them in. "Shut the door, please," she said. "Then +you were not lost, Ethel. What on earth were you doing out there? I +began to get quite uneasy about you." + +Miss Ethel, turning quickly, gave a look at the two who followed her, +but she herself had no idea of its pathos and urgency. "I just tripped +on a brick and was stunned for a few minutes--nothing to matter." + +So Caroline and Wilson knew they were to let it go at that. + +"And had the men gone?" said Mrs. Bradford. + +"Yes." She paused. "I thought I would just have a look round." + +"You are so restless, Ethel; why can't you keep quiet like me?" said +Mrs. Bradford fretfully. "It is a great mercy you didn't break a leg." + +Caroline went out of the room to make a cup of tea for Miss Ethel, and +when she was lighting the gas-ring Wilson came in hurriedly, saying in +a low voice: "I say, you won't mention anything about leaving them +to-night, will you!" + +"What do you take me for?" whispered Caroline back. + +"A girl with her head screwed on the right way," he said. "Then you'll +stay and look after them for a little while longer, anyway? I may tell +Miss Temple that, may I?" + +"You can tell who you like. I shall not mention leaving until Miss +Ethel is better," said Caroline. + +"Good girl! And I won't forget the typewriting machine," he answered. +"One good turn deserves another. That sounds like Miss Panton, doesn't +it?" And with that he hurried out of the kitchen. + + + + +_Chapter VIII_ + +_The Height of the Season_ + +The sea-roke lasted for nearly two days and then lifted, the damp, +chill air giving place to cloudless sunshine. But even now, when the +sun was setting, no cool wind blew in from the sea across the promenade +thronged with people in thin dresses. This was so unusual in Thorhaven +that those familiar with the place kept saying to each other at +intervals: "Fancy being able to sit here at this hour without a coat! +The air from the sea puffs into your face as if it came out of an +oven----" + +The band played outside to-night--not in the hall--and a woman with a +good voice strained by open-air concerts during the past summer was +singing a song in which the words "love" and "roses" seemed to come +with more frequency and on higher notes than the rest, so that they +reached the extremist limits of the promenade, floating above the heads +of Caroline and Wilf as they sat extended on canvas chairs watching +those who walked slowly up and down. It was the night of the visitor +_in excelsis_. Stout, important matrons wearing the dresses they had +for afternoon calls at home in the towns moved slowly along in small +groups, with a solid man or so in attendance who smoked his pipe or +cigar and said little, but that little rather jocular. Girls tripped +by, either pale with the heat, or flushed, or protected from extremes +of temperature by a heavy layer of powder: and flappers with pert faces +and fluffy hair swung gaily along, always with a generous display of +fat neatly-stockinged leg. But it was all charming, particularly in +the evening light, because there was about it all such an appealing +atmosphere of youth and summer. + +Caroline and Wilf leaned back at their ease in their chairs, making +remarks on those who went past. He was tired with the day's work in a +stifling office in Flodmouth, and she with her extra household +occupations at the Cottage owing to Miss Ethel's indisposition. + +"Good thing I happen to be only relieving Lillie this week," she said. +"If it had been my turn to stop all day, I don't know what they would +have done at the Cottage. But Miss Ethel is better now. I had meant +to tell them I was leaving--that night she was taken ill, you know." + +"Well, I think it is a pity you hadn't got it done," said Wilf. +"They'll be up to any dodge to keep you now. I know 'em." And he +shook his head wisely. + +"You surely don't imagine Miss Ethel sort of felt I was going to give +notice, and so fell down and hurt herself on purpose?" said Caroline, +laughing. + +But Wilf, pallid and exhausted with a burning day in a Flodmouth +office--his nerves slightly upset by too many cigarettes--was in no +mood to be chaffed. + +"I never gave a hint at anything so ridiculous," he answered fretfully. +"I simply say that in my opinion you are not in your right position +there, and if you consult my wishes, you'll make other arrangements as +soon as possible. I did tell you so before, I think." + +"And I meant to do it," said Caroline. "Honour bright, I did." She +glanced at him sideways. "I don't care about it any more than you. +Only I promised Mr. Wilson I would stop on until Miss Ethel was better." + +"Wilson!" said Wilf. "What's he to do with it, I should like to know. +He doesn't seem to me to bother much about the old girls as a rule." +Then certain vague memories of that dance in the promenade hall which +had not been entirely obliterated by Wilson's skilful treatment came +back with renewed vividness. "I see what it is; he's after you +himself. So long as you stop at the Cottage, he knows where to put his +hand on you. You needn't think I was such an owl as not to see he was +taken with you that night on the promenade. You know--when you had the +red dress on. But you needn't flatter yourself much over that sort of +attention, I can tell you. He'd have gone on just the same with any +sort of girl out of Flodmouth who happened to take his fancy for the +minute. You don't know men of his sort like I do. And now you're +silly enough to stop on at the Wilsons just because he asks you: even +when I ask you not. It's time you learnt----" + +"Don't talk rot!" interrupted Caroline--a sudden heat of anger flushing +her all over as she jumped up from her seat. "I'm nothing to Wilson +and he's nothing to me. Look there--if you want any proof. That +doesn't look as if he had eyes for any other girl but his own, does it?" + +Wilf glanced in the direction indicated, and Caroline sat down again. +Then they both watched Wilson coming down the promenade with Laura +Temple, whose happy face was turned towards her lover with a glow of +trust and confidence upon it that no one could mistake: and when he +looked at her, his rather coarse-featured, harsh face was softened a +little, as if irradiated by that glow. They walked close together, +talking gaily as they threaded in and out of the crowd from which +advancing twilight had begun to steal the bright colours. Soon all +girls wearing white, even those with bold features and exaggerated +coiffures, became exquisite in that half light: and across the still +expanse of darkening sea the Flamborough Beacon swung out, +white--white--red; a night made for young lovers. + +But the two who sat on the long chairs by the rail of the promenade +were letting it all go by, engrossed in their own pricking +dissatisfaction. "Well, what does it matter to me whether Mr. Wilson +and Miss Temple look soppy over each other, or not?" said Caroline. +Then she rose again abruptly: "My head aches. I'm tired of watching +all these people go past. It makes me feel dizzy. Let's go for a turn +on the cliff." + +He remained obstinately seated on the canvas chair, his legs stretched +out before him. "What's the use? When we've just paid twopence each +for our chairs? They'll be snapped up in a minute and we shan't get +any when we come back." + +"All right. You stop where you are," said Caroline, walking away. + +He let her go until she reached the exit that led towards the cliff +top, then reluctantly rose from his seat and with long strides caught +her up. "Oh, don't you come if you don't want to. I'm all right," she +said over her shoulder. + +"Don't be soft. People would think we'd quarrelled," said Wilf. + +"Let them think, then," said Caroline. + +"Oh, that's it, is it?" He stood still. "I can go back if you don't +want me, you know. I'm not one to force myself on anybody." + +"All right. Go back." They stood on the cliff beyond the promenade +peering into each other's angry faces, in the translucent dusk +reflected from the great expanse of sky and sea. + +"You mean that?" + +"Yes, I do." + +"You want things to come to an end between us?" + +"I'm not particular." She paused, then drew a long breath. "Yes--as +you put it like that--I do." + +"Well, if you do it now, it's done for good. You won't whistle me back +again, you know. I'm not that sort. If I go, I go." He paused, +adding with a sudden spurt of anger at her injustice: "And I shan't +come back if you crawl on your hands and knees after me from one end of +the promenade to the other. I haven't done nothing. What's the matter +with you? But I can tell you. You're gone on that Wilson." + +"I aren't gone on him," said Caroline angrily. "A man I hardly know. +You must have got a bee in your bonnet, Wilf." + +"I may, or I may not, but I'm not going to have my future wife conduct +herself in a silly style without saying a word," he answered with +youthful pomposity. + +"Your wife! It hasn't got to that yet," said Caroline. Then she +thrust her face nearer to his, adding impulsively: "It would be years +and years before we could think of marrying. I didn't plan ahead like +that when we started keeping company, and I don't feel as if I could +ever look on you as a future husband, Wilf. I don't feel I ever shall +want to marry you--not now it comes to it." + +"Then that's why you wouldn't have my ring," he said, his face blank +and pale in the twilight. He began to see that it was all real--not +just a "tiff" such as they had had before. + +"I suppose so," said Caroline, her tone changing too--becoming anxious +and slightly troubled. "I didn't realize at the time, but I expect I +was shying away from the idea, if you know what I mean?" + +"Oh, I know what you mean well enough. You're tired of me, and you +want to turn me down. But let me tell you you won't find fellows like +me growing on every gooseberry bush. I've always treated you like a +gentleman--I have. I never hinted a word when you were going out as +day girl to that woman who keeps a little shop in your street, though I +could see some of my pals thought I was walking out a bit beneath +myself. And this is the return I get." He jerked his hat back on his +head. "It's enough to make a chap go to the dogs and enjoy himself: +blest if it isn't!" + +"I'm sorry, Wilf. I know I'm behaving like a perfect pig, but when it +comes to marrying, you must have the right sort of feeling, or where +are you?" said Caroline. + +"Well, I only know one thing. I wish to goodness I had bought that +second-hand motor-bike I wanted, instead of saving up the money against +getting married! Why, I fair couldn't sleep for thinking about it: and +now Simpson has bought it. And it was all for you. And now this is +how I'm treated." + +"Oh, Wilf! You never told me. I never knew about the motor-bike," +said Caroline, taken aback. + +"There's lots of things you don't know about," said Wilf. "However, if +you're bent on ending it all, I shan't try to stop you. _I_ aren't one +to force myself upon a girl that doesn't want me." + +Caroline's lip began to tremble "Wilf, if I'd known about you giving +up the motor-bike I wouldn't never have spoken as I did. I do feel a +beast. But you have to think about yourself in this world or nobody'll +think for you. I can't see any reason in going on as we are doing for +years and then getting married when we're both dead sick of it all and +of each other. We only keep each other back. We should be better +free." + +"Meaning you want to be free?" He had to pause a minute, owing to a +thickness in his throat. "All right. I shan't hold you to it. You go +and see if you can find a chap that can marry you straight off. That's +what you want. You'd never have broken with me if I'd had a big house +and plenty of money. I should not have been too young for you then. +You'd not have had to chuck me over then, to better yourself." + +She was weeping now--very grieved to hurt him, and yet, beneath her +softness, an iron determination to do what was best for herself; no +thought of sacrifice because of his pain entering her head. "I'm so +sorry, Wilf. I'm so sorry," she murmured. + +But he felt she was implacable. She was armoured by that phrase of +hers, she'd "got to do the best for herself," and he knew he had no +weapon to pierce that armour. + +They both stood on the edge of the cliff in silence, looking towards +the north where the Flamborough lights gleamed out at regular intervals +across the dark water. The promenade lay behind them, a fringe of pale +lights twinkling along the shore. + +Caroline was crying for the sorrow she had given Wilf, but that only +lay on the surface, though genuine enough. Beneath that, all +unknowing, she mourned a loss which nothing could restore. She and +Wilf had given each other that first bloom of young attraction--bright +glances, touches, cool kisses almost without passion--and no power +could bring that back. They felt miserable, standing there with the +little waves coming in--whish! whish!--upon the gravelly patch of sand: +for there lay at the bottom of their hearts a sense of something +irretrievably wasted, which they could never have in life any more. + +"Well." He spoke first, bitterly. "I hope you may get your rich chap. +As you've no more need for me, I may as well go." + +"I'm not throwing you over for that, Wilf," said Caroline in a low +voice. + +His subdued mood spurted up with a sudden irritability of jarred nerves +again. "Then what are you for? That's what I should like to know." + +"I--I----" She sought to give him a true answer. "You're not old +enough. I want a man, now I'm older. You won't be twenty-one for two +years." + +"A man!" He swung round towards her, peering with fury through the +twilight into her face. "A man! What d'you call me? What do you take +me for? A man!" He paused, choking for breath, then shouted out: "Go +and find your man, then. I don't want you, I don't want you. I +wouldn't have you at a gift. A man! Not if you went down on your +hands and knees----" He was walking away as he spoke, shouting over +his shoulder, almost incoherent with the rage engendered by that sudden +stab in his tenderest spot. Just before he was beyond ear-shot, he +paused a second and called out: "There'll be no going back. You +needn't think it. I shall pay the first instalment of a new bike in +the morning." + +So the dusk swallowed up his slim figure, and she was left by herself +on the cliff. After a while a couple came along closely entwined and +when they were close on her the girl said with a start: "Carrie? Is +that you all by yourself? Where's Wilf?" + +"Oh, he is a bit further on," said Caroline, striving to make her voice +sound casual. "Don't you stop for me." + +"All right! So long as you haven't pushed him over the cliff, Carrie," +said the girl, laughing: then she and her young man went their way, +forgetting all about other people. + +Caroline waited until they had gone some little distance before she +followed them, and as she walked alone on the cliff path with the stars +coming out, she had the strangest feeling of loneliness--of lacking +something that had always been there since she grew up. It was rather +as if she had cast some article of clothing which she had been in the +habit of wearing. + +On reaching the more crowded part of the cliff near the promenade her +first instinct was to keep out of sight; for she had no young man with +her, and vaguely felt that she would look odd without one at this time +of night. It seemed so "queer" to be walking by herself on the cliff +in such an evening hour--but a further strangeness came with the +thought that she actually did not possess a "boy" at all. Nobody to +wait for her at the gate when she went out in the evening. No one to +hang round the pay-box at the promenade entrance to take her home. The +sense of missing something was a great deal stronger now than the sense +of freedom; she almost wished she had kept in with Wilf, despite that +other feeling that made her desire to break with him. + +It was a relief to mingle with the crowd coming out from the promenade, +because people might suppose she had just left her post at the gate; +but she still kept that odd sensation--lightened of a weight, and yet +comfortless--as if she had "cast" something which had been more +necessary to her than she ever realized. + + + + +_Chapter IX_ + +_Wedding Clothes_ + +Miss Ethel was walking up and down the garden with Laura Temple, both +talking. + +"I heard Caroline practising on the typewriter as I came through the +hall. The kitchen door was open," said Laura. + +"Yes. She goes out much less now than she used to do. I fancy she has +broken off her engagement with that young man." + +"I'm glad Godfrey thought of lending her a machine, for it may make her +more satisfied to remain with you; but I daresay that was his idea," +said Laura. "He is like that." + +"Is he?" said Miss Ethel rather shortly, and added after a moment: "It +was very kind of him, of course." She paused again, then broke out +vehemently: "I hate and detest all this conciliating and kowtowing. If +only I could manage the work myself, I wouldn't do it." + +"But you can't--at least, not in this house," said Laura. She also +paused, looking deprecatingly at Miss Ethel. "Now, in one of those +little new houses in Emerald Avenue, you might manage all right." + +"Oh, well, there are none to let," said Miss Ethel, "so that is out of +the question." + +"But there is one for sale," said Laura: and with that she put her hand +through her companion's arm. "Miss Ethel," she went on rather timidly, +"Godfrey was wondering if anything would induce you to sell the +Cottage. He says he can get a most splendid price for it just now, if +you cared to sell. A man who made a tremendous lot out of trawlers or +something of that sort in the war is ready to give almost anything you +like to ask for it. And Godfrey could offer you a house in Emerald +Avenue with vacant possession. You would be quite comfortable there, +besides having so much less work." + +"Why didn't Godfrey come and tell me that himself, instead of sending +you to do his job?" said Miss Ethel. "But his commercial instinct is +his ruling passion, of course. He'd make use of anything or anybody +for business purposes." She waited a second, then burst forth: "He'd +tan his grandmother if he could get a connection by selling her skin." + +"You do him a great injustice," said Laura indignantly. "If he did not +consider this a good thing for you, he would never have suggested it." + +"Well, perhaps not," responded Miss Ethel, exercising great +self-control; for she remembered that Godfrey was a Wilson, while the +girl to whom she spoke was after all not one yet. "I dare say he means +it for the best. But I'd rather starve here than live in Emerald +Avenue. Please tell him that. I'm not so fond of my fellows that I +could tolerate hearing the next-door neighbour snore through the +bedroom wall--which I understand you can do in these houses, if he +snores loud enough. I'm used to a decent privacy." She paused. "I +couldn't stand it, Laura," she added in a different tone. "Let us talk +about something else. I want you to come indoors and see your wedding +present." + +Laura turned her brown eyes full upon Miss Ethel, flushing a little and +smiling happily. She wore a rough tweed which exactly suited the +slight angularity and awkwardness of her tall figure, making it seem +just the kind of figure which every English girl living in the country +ought to possess, and her voice, always lovely, took on an added +sweetness as she said quickly: "Doesn't it seem strange that a month +to-day I shall be married? I can hardly believe it." + +Miss Ethel responded to that rather bleakly, but asked Laura to come +and inspect some china on the kitchen dresser from which she might +choose her wedding present. + +As they entered the kitchen Caroline answered Laura's greeting civilly, +but she did not rise; and while the two stood looking at the pretty +Dresden china cups, with their backs turned towards her, she continued +her typing. Then after a while Miss Ethel went away to fetch some +small silver teaspoons bearing the Wilson crest which she intended to +give with the cups, so Caroline and Laura were left alone for a few +minutes. + +"I see you are practising hard," said Laura. "I hope the machine goes +well." She glanced at the pretty cups. "I do seem to be lucky, don't +I?" + +"Yes. You're one of the lucky ones," said Caroline. But though she +smiled, there was a sound of bitterness in her tone which Laura was +quick to feel and understand. Poor child, it must seem a bit hard to +see another girl having a lover like Godfrey, and lovely presents, and +new clothes. Then a sudden kind thought came into her head. "Miss +Raby, I wonder if you would care to have a look at my trousseau? I am +showing it to my friends next week. Could you come in for half an +hour?" + +Caroline hesitated, but the "Miss Raby," and the utter absence of +patronage, or of any other feeling but sheer good-nature, dispersed her +prickly fear of being condescended to, though she only answered rather +nonchalantly: "Thank you, Miss Temple, I should be pleased to have a +look at your things." + +"That's right. What day can you come?" said Laura. "Will Tuesday do?" + +"I am on duty all day next week, excepting for meal-times, but I could +get in for a few minutes about five," said Caroline. + +Very soon after that Laura went away, and a little later, Miss Ethel +herself came out of the door, walking slowly across the garden because +she did not yet feel at all well. As she went, she noticed for the +first time a little flag flying on the roof-beams of the new house that +was being built just over the privet hedge. It flapped gaily in the +sea-breeze, and seemed to Miss Ethel's irritated perceptions an +impudent flag, though she did not formulate her thoughts and was +conscious only of a sense of annoyance when she caught sight of the +bright patch of colour. + +As she glanced up the long hot road outside the garden, her heart +almost failed her: but she had collected for the Flodmouth hospital for +the past twenty-five years, and a strong sense of duty urged her to +continue--especially now that the people from whom she generally +collected were less able to give, and more houses had to be visited. +But she was not uplifted by any feeling of self-righteousness, because +it was just one of the things you did--and there was an end of it. It +was a part of the system of life on which she had been brought up. + +Half-way between the Cottage and Emerald Avenue she saw the Vicar on +the other side of the road. His first impulse was to hasten past +without speaking, because he had grown rather weary of her constant +diatribes against the changed state of the world; for he too had his +full share of the discomforts which come from living in an age of +transition, so he felt no desire to hear Miss Ethel press the point +home. However, she had been ill and he must do the polite. But as he +expected, she at once began. In answer to his inquiries about her +health, she said abruptly: "Of course, I'm depressed. How can one be +anything else with the world as it is? Nobody seems to be happy here, +or to be sure of happiness hereafter." + +"You won't mend it by being miserable," said the Vicar, rubbing his +lean chin. "I know many feel that it is wrong to be happy with so much +injustice and misery about, and there is a great danger that the best +souls--who feel this most--may therefore give up creating happiness. +But that is just the same as if the violets gave up smelling sweet +because of the stenches that abound everywhere. Joy after a while will +leave us if we are not careful--then we shall have nothing left but +bitterness and pleasure." + +"Pleasure is all people want nowadays," said Miss Ethel. + +"But you are one of the people--and what do you want?" said the Vicar. +"No, Miss Ethel; there are now more men and women in the world wanting +to make things right for everybody than ever before in the history of +mankind. I sometimes feel as though I could see all the millions just +waiting to be shown how to do it. One wonders----" He broke off, +flushing a little, and added rather awkwardly: "Well, I must be getting +on. I'm glad to hear you are better." + +Miss Ethel continued her walk, pondering the Vicar's words. Was the +man thinking about the second coming of Christ? . . . And she +remembered how a nursemaid had read some magazine aloud to her long, +long ago by the nursery fire in which the very day and hour of the end +of the world were given. How she had trembled afterwards at the +tipping of a load of bricks in the road forbear that was the Day of +Judgment beginning. Then her thoughts came back again to the present. +Was it true that all these millions were waiting for a leader? Faith +seemed to be dying everywhere. Everything was different--everything +was different. + +The words drifted achingly through her mind as she turned into the gate +of a largish house facing the main road, opening her collecting-book as +she went, so as to be ready with the name and amount. At once she +began to adjust her mind, ready for the short chat with the lady of the +house which was a necessary accompaniment of her round. + +But it would be easier than usual to-day, for a topic was ready to +hand--most of the ladies on whom she called taking a lively interest in +the Temple-Wilson wedding, anxious to know if Miss Ethel had seen the +bride lately, and if it were true that the trousseau surpassed all +previous ones ever seen in Thorhaven. + +This interest was so widespread, indeed, that on Tuesday afternoon when +Caroline remarked just before leaving the pay-box on the promenade that +she was going to have a look at Miss Temple's wedding outfit, the girl +who took her place immediately went through varying stages of surprise, +curiosity and envy. "She asked you! Well, you've got something out of +living with those old women for once. I wish I was going too!" + +"Wish you were!" called back Caroline, insincerely. But as she went +alone down the road to the little house at the other end of the +village, her own desire to see the trousseau died away, so that when +she stood on the threshold looking through at the patch of bright +garden through the farther door, she began to wish she had not come. +As she stood there, Laura came from the garden, in which the colours +were less delicate, more vivid than before, but they still bloomed with +the peculiar, clear brightness which flowers seem to gain which have +survived the sharp spring of the East Coast. + +"Oh! I am so glad you could get off, Miss Raby," she said. "Shall we +go straight up and see the things before tea?" + +"I was going home to tea," murmured Caroline, a little abashed, yet +angry with herself for feeling so. + +"You would not have time," said Laura, leading the way. "Please stay. +I was expecting you for tea." + +Then they were in the room: and Caroline drew a long breath when she +saw the lovely garments spread forth on the bed and on the chairs and +tables. They were so exquisite in stitchery and in the fineness of the +material, that no girl who loved pretty things could look at them +without enjoyment; therefore Caroline's "Oh, Miss Temple, I never, +never saw anything so lovely!" was entirely natural and spontaneous. + +Laura stood smiling and a little flushed in the midst of her dainty +garments; and the room seemed at that moment to be full of a very +charming atmosphere of girlish admiration and pleasure. One after +another the filmy things were touched softly or held up to the light, +while the two pairs of eyes--one pair deeply glowing and the other wide +and bright--met over them in sympathetic appreciation. + +"But this is the sweetest of all," said Laura happily. She was +delighted to be giving pleasure, but--beneath that--she equally enjoyed +indulging her desire to be liked by everybody. As she spoke she lifted +from the bed where it lay a most exquisitely embroidered dressing-gown +with a little cap to match. + +"Yes, lovely," said Caroline. But the alteration in her tone was so +marked and so sudden that Laura turned round quite sharply to see what +the matter was: and in so doing she caught something +clouded--sullen--what was it? just passing across the other girl's +face. Why, of course--how dreadfully hard to see somebody else having +all these beautiful things while you had nothing! Her sudden +realization of this point of view was so complete that she flushed +deeply from chin to forehead. What a perfect idiot she had been--when +she only meant to be kind. + +All the same she was now mistaken; that change in Caroline's expression +being caused by something entirely different from what she imagined +herself to have discovered; and she would have been both startled and +surprised had she known the actual fact. As it was, her one desire was +to somehow retrieve her mistake. She looked at her pretty things, +trying eagerly to think of something that she could give without +seeming to patronize, and her glance fell on a box of coloured +handkerchiefs, so she took it up in her hand and said carelessly: "Oh! +these don't belong here. A firm from whom I bought a great many things +sent me them, and they are a kind I never use. Still I had to keep +them. I wonder if you would take them with you out of the way?" + +"Very kind--I'm sure. But you'll find a use for them," murmured +Caroline, not extending her hand. The two girls looked away from each +other, both a little discomfited; and in doing so they saw a photograph +of Wilson in a silver frame which had been covered up and which the +removal of the handkerchiefs had left exposed. + +In that brief silence the atmosphere subtly changed, though neither +exactly realized that it had done so. + +"Well, I'm afraid I must be going now, Miss Temple," said Caroline. +"Thank you very much indeed for letting me see your things." And she +moved towards the door. + +"You are forgetting your handkerchiefs," said Laura, pressing them into +Caroline's hand. "Do have them, just to please me. But you must have +a cup of tea before you go. It is all ready." + +With that she led the way into the sitting-room, and Caroline lacked +the social address to disentangle herself from the situation without +being actually rude. She did not want to be that, therefore followed +Laura, and as they went into the room Wilson rose from a seat by the +window. But his heavy figure was silhouetted with a sort of hazy, +golden outline against the strong afternoon light, and so she could not +see his expression. + +"Been viewing the marvels upstairs, Miss Raby?" he said easily, as she +shook hands with Miss Panton. "Take this comfortable chair, won't you? +It must be an exhausting job." + +"No, have this; you'll find it much nicer," said Laura, laughing. But +as they stood together, making much of Caroline, she saw that the chair +Wilson had indicated was evidently one sacred to himself. The long, +low seat, and the small table near containing cigarettes, ash-trays, +pipes, and other conveniences, all pointed to the same care on the part +of these two women. + +Caroline sat down on the chair offered by Laura and crossed her feet +with aggressive nonchalance because she was feeling nervous. "Anyway, +this is a good deal different to mine on the prom.," she said, suddenly +anxious to let Miss Panton clearly understand that she was the girl on +the promenade, and not Miss Wilson's servant. + +Miss Panton looked at her over the teacups and said: "Sugar? Bilk?" +with the catarrh very much in evidence. + +"I didn't tell you, Miss Raby, did I, that Miss Panton has given me a +foot-muff for the car?" said Laura, speaking rather quickly, conscious +of some odd constraint in the air. "We are going for a motor tour in +the Lake District for our honeymoon. Every one says it is ideal in +September. I have never been, oddly enough." + +"Well, the glut of honeymooning couples in the Lakes is now a thing of +the past," said Wilson, smiling at his future bride. "There was a time +when a certain hotel at Windermere swarmed with them, I believe. +Everybody looking out of their eye-corners at breakfast time to see if +she knew how many lumps of sugar he took in his coffee." + +Miss Panton murmured something about Wordsworth, obviously thinking +that a more fitting topic to be discussed before a young person who was +taking tea on sufferance with her betters. + +"Perhaps Miss Raby is like me, and doesn't care much for Wordsworth," +said Laura, looking across at her guest in a very friendly fashion. "I +never got beyond 'We are seven,' and never wanted to." + +"It's never too late to bend," retorted Miss Panton, still austere; her +glance resting with deep disapproval upon the neatly stockinged leg +which Caroline displayed. + +"Come, Nanty," said Laura, laughing. "Don't be so superior. You know +you don't really care for anything but a love-story with a happy ending +yourself." She paused, looking round at them with her happy, brown +eyes: "Well, there isn't anything better: is there?" + +"Of course not," said Wilson, just touching Laura's shoulder as he +passed her in handing the cake to Caroline. But as he did so his +glance met Caroline's by chance, and he became instantly aware that she +had been watching him, for she looked hastily away, while a colour +which she could not control came into her cheeks, deepening and +deepening until it almost brought tears to her eyes. + +She sat near the window with the full light on her face, somehow oddly +defenceless in her extreme embarrassment, and he could see the light +powdering of freckles on her nose, as well as that curious, +camellia-petal fineness of skin which always escaped notice until the +observer came quite close, for there was a tinge of sallowness in the +colour which prevented people from admiring it at first sight. + +But a decent man who is to be married in a month does not, of course, +indulge in speculations about another girl's complexion--at any rate, +he does not encourage himself in doing so--and very soon Caroline +removed temptation out of his way by rising and taking her leave. + +As she said good-bye, the lovers stood in the doorway with the sunshine +on their faces and the bright flowers seen through the far door behind +them. She was glad to get away, her mind in a whirl of gratitude, +defiance, curiosity and envy which bewildered herself. Of course, it +was nice of Miss Temple to ask her to tea and treat her like any other +girl friend, but anybody could be nice when they were getting +everything in the whole world that they could want. . . . Her thoughts +paused on that. That _didn't_ always make people kind---- + +She started at the sound of the church clock and began to run, lest she +should be late for the promenade. + +But when she arrived her budget of news proved very disappointing to +the expectant Lillie, who had lingered round the pay-box with her own +tea waiting at home in the hope of hearing in more detail what every +separate garment was like. But when she at length extracted the +information that Wilson was also there, and that the party had taken +afternoon tea together, her curiosity became intense. + +"Did they look as if they were awfully gone on each other? I always +thinks she seems sweet, and I think he ought to consider himself lucky, +don't you? I say, fancy if you or I were in her place and going to be +married next month? Feel funny, wouldn't it? But I shouldn't care +much to be taking him on, should you? Too jolly cocksure for me." + +"Chance is a bonny thing," said Caroline shortly. "I'll shut the door +if you don't mind. There's a fearful draught blows through this place +with it open." + +The girl went round to the turnstile on her way out and addressed a +last remark to Caroline through the little window. "You needn't be +chippy with me because you haven't got twelve of everything all +hand-embroidered. It isn't my fault!" she flung over her shoulder. + +And having thus revenged herself for her colleague's +uncommunicativeness, she went her way. + + +Caroline, left alone in her chair before the little window, +automatically scanned the faces of those passing through the barrier, +ready to release the clutch with a "Good evening" if the person were +known to her, or to say in a dull monotone, "Six-pence, please," to a +stranger. Every now and then she glanced at the darkening sky towards +the North where clouds were gathering up, and after a while, single +drops of rain began to fall. Very soon the empty promenade glittered +black under a downpour, the lights making streaks of pale gold across +it. People only came in now at infrequent intervals; a few dark +figures hurried along the promenade; while the sound of the band in the +covered hall drifted across through the open windows, mingling with the +deep voice of a storm rising far out at sea. + +After a while Wilf passed through, ostentatiously indifferent. "Oh, +that you, Carrie? Good evening, I didn't see it was you at first. +Beastly night, isn't it?" And he went on jauntily, sticking his hands +in the pockets of his mackintosh. + +Caroline watched him go with a most illogical sense of being deserted; +then the turnstile clicked and she had to release the clutch, letting +through a pleasant-looking mother with a daughter of about seventeen, +both so happy in each other's company--making a lark of coming out +together to hear the band on such a wet night. Caroline's unreasonable +feeling of being alone and deserted deepened. For the first time in +years, she consciously wanted her own mother--longed for her with an +ache of the heart that almost brought tears. She seemed so alone. +Aunt Creddle was goodness itself, but had her own family to think of +first, of course, and could no longer take quite such a vivid interest +in a niece as when her own children were quite little. Uncle Creddle +had a steady kindness which nothing could change, but he too was a +struggling man with a family. Besides, he was rather hard in some ways +beneath his good-nature. She still remembered how he had spoken to her +that evening when he found her screaming and playing about those empty +houses with the boys. + +No, she belonged nowhere: that was it. She did not think as the +Creddles did about lots of things, and yet she did not belong to the +world which girls like Miss Laura Temple lived in, either. She had got +past one sort, and had not found another. All these thoughts passed +confusedly through a mind that had been quickened by something +incomprehensible in her experiences at Laura Temple's that afternoon. +Through her thoughts she heard the hum of the sea, the tinkling fall of +heavy rain on asphalt, the faint rising and falling of violin music. + +She felt a sudden spirit of rebellion. Why shouldn't she have some +fun? She would enjoy herself! She wasn't going to go on like this, +letting people in to the promenade, doing housework, practising +typewriting. Why did some girls get everything, like Laura Temple, and +others nothing? It was not fair. It was not fair---- + +Then she saw Wilson at the little window. "Good evening. Stormy +night!" he said, and passed through without any further remark. + +She knew he had come straight from Laura's and was taking a short cut +across the parade to his own lodgings, which were beyond the exit +towards the north. He had come from no desire to see her. Still he +might have spoken a word: he need not have gone through like that, as +if it were only Lillie working the turnstile. + +As she thought that, she felt a tear on her lips. Licking it off, she +demanded furiously of herself how she could be such a fool as to cry +about nothing. She must be run down. She must want a tonic. + +Then she glanced up at the sound of a step approaching from the +promenade, and there was Wilson's face, quite near, looking in at her +little window. "You'll have a wet walk home, I'm afraid," he said. + +"Yes." Her voice held a faint surprise, for he had already spoken once +about the weather. "But I have an umbrella here." + +"That's a good thing." He hesitated. "I might have lent you one, only +it is rather large for a little girl," he added, speaking with a sort +of artificial jocosity. "You must find that road rather dark and +lonely on a night like this?" He paused again. "Don't you?" + +For a moment or two she did not speak, and that silence somehow gave +her answer an undue significance. "Yes," she said at last. + +He opened his lips to speak, then suddenly his expression changed and +he moved away from the window. "Wretched night! Wretched night!" he +said, walking briskly on. + +Caroline sat back in her chair, almost feeling as if she had been +struck in the face--for a question had been asked and answered during +that silence which involved all sorts of joys, fears, infidelities; +then in a minute he banished them so utterly that she could scarcely +believe they had ever been in question. + +The next moment Mr. and Mrs. Graham were at the window. "Oh, dreadful +night, is it not? You must feel the wind here." + +Then they were merged into the shadow of the hall, warning each other +as they went along against taking cold. Caroline saw what had happened +now. Wilson had no doubt caught sight of the Grahams over his +shoulder, and had not wished them to see him talking to her. + +Very well!--she was in a flame from head to foot--very well! When he +_did_ want---- + +But beneath all that she sensed a weak longing for him which she was +trying to drown in a flood of exaggerated indignation. Something told +her that when he did want to speak to her again she would not be able +to refuse: for he was not only a man for whom she felt a personal +attraction, but he was also a type towards which all her new ambitions +aspired. Poised as she now was, between what she had left and where +she desired to be, he represented to her an ideal--assured, educated, a +gentleman. + +But though he did not walk home with her--in spite of what he said of +the lonely road--she was not to go by herself after all. For a young +man who was a connection of the Creddles--a railway porter by +trade--chanced to pass just as she was leaving the promenade, and +escorted her as far as the gate of the Cottage. He was a good-looking, +intelligent youth, with a pleasant, hearty manner and a fair share of +those solid qualities which adorned Mr. Creddle--the very man to make a +good father and a good husband. Already attracted by Caroline, he +would have gone further that night if he had not been discouraged, but +she thought of his broken and blackened finger-nails, and of the noise +he made when he drank tea, and so they parted at the gate without +anything definite being said. + +But as she ran up the garden path with her self-esteem thus agreeably +restored, she had not the faintest idea that she had just passed by +that rarest thing in life--a chance of real happiness. + + + + +_Chapter X_ + +_Sunday Night_ + +The long street leading to the church was thronged with people who +walked slowly, smiling and talking to each other, either going towards +the lanes beyond the little town, or towards the sea. But a third +sort, much smaller in number, threaded rather quickly in and out of the +gently-moving crowds with an air of obeying some purpose within +themselves and not merely enjoying the lull in the wind at sundown and +the warm air. And above it all, clanging out from the grey tower, the +last bell rang out a single note urgently: "Come! Come! Come!" + +A good many did not notice the bell at all; others just took it in as a +sound of Sunday evening which ministered pleasantly to their agreeable +feeling of having nothing to do but enjoy themselves; scarcely anyone +was troubled by declining that invitation, because the habit of +church-going has fallen from the position of a duty to that of a +compliment which the religiously disposed are willing to pay their God +if quite convenient. + +Caroline walked briskly, now and then glancing up at the clock on the +tower as if she belonged to the purposeful minority which was making +its way to the grey porch. Not that she had started out with any +intention of going to the service, but her girl friend had come across +an admirer at the church corner, and so it became necessary to do +something in self-defence. Impossible to contemplate wandering alone +on a Sunday evening without a companion of any sort. The lack of a +"boy" for such a purpose made Caroline feel oddly self-conscious--as if +people were staring at her and wondering. She would have been glad of +the young railway porter's company now, if he had turned up, and would +have welcomed him as a sort of refuge. + +He sat and smoked on a bench by the sea front, however, all unaware of +the opportunity that was rushing past him, never to return. At the +last insistent "Come!" Caroline caught sight of Lillie with a young man +rounding the next bend of the road, and the idea of being pitied for +her solitary condition made her march straight up the flagged path to +the church door, as if she had meant going ever since leaving home. + +But once inside the church, she experienced a gradual cessation of that +prickling awareness of other people's thoughts and other people's eyes +which had been so uncomfortable on the road. For she was familiar with +the service--having gone to the Sunday school in childhood and attended +church at times since, though the Creddles were chapel folk--so that +the places in the Prayer Book came automatically to her fingers, and +the soothing flow of the words gave her a chance to come to herself. +She did not worship in any real sense of the word, but her mind was, +despite itself, attuned to peace. "From all the perils and dangers of +this night----" Then, after an interval during which the sunset struck +golden across a tomb in the chancel: "The grace of our Lord Jesus +Christ . . . now and for evermore. Amen." + +She rose from her knees and her glance fell upon Miss Ethel, who sat a +fair distance away in the sparsely filled side aisle. She wondered +whether Miss Ethel were a really religious sort or not--you never heard +her mention a word about it, and she seemed so up against everything---- + +Then the hymn--old-fashioned because the Vicar was away and the elderly +organist who had chosen it liked that kind best. Perhaps he knew that +all religion must at the last be a matter of feeling and not of reason, +for he had lived such a long time in the world and really loved God. +But the strange preacher who was going to occupy the pulpit looked down +the church at the congregation singing and felt they required a great +deal of sound teaching. So, being a good man with a high ethical +standard, he stepped up into the pulpit and did his best during the +opportunity which was at his disposal to correct the effect of what he +considered sentimental doggerel. + +But as Caroline listened to him, she felt his explanations of a +reasonable faith washing away from her mind all the beautiful pictures +which had been stored there and had formed part of her life, though she +had not valued them. No doubt he meant well; still the explanations +took away and gave nothing to fill the empty place. Soon her mind +wandered and she caught sight of a hat trimmed in a way that was +exceedingly smart and easy enough to copy; so that occupied her +attention until she heard the familiar rustle among the congregation +and the "Now" which gives release. + +The clergyman stood near the east window to give the blessing with a +side light slanting across his white surplice, and a thought darted +into Caroline's mind, turning her hot from head to foot--Why, that was +just how the Vicar would stand with the bride and bridegroom before him +at the altar-rails in three weeks' time! And a vision of Laura in her +veil beside Wilson's broad, strong figure gave her a queer, unhappy +feeling of irritation and pain; yet somehow she wanted to indulge the +pain--to press it in upon her senses by dwelling on it. + +Then her healthier instincts suddenly revolted. "It's nothing to me. +I aren't jealous of another girl getting married! I could be married +myself to-morrow if that's all." But deep within her she felt it was +not all; so rising abruptly she went out, not looking again at the +chancel. + +Miss Ethel came forth more deliberately, nodding to one here and there +among the townspeople as she passed under the porch into the cool +evening, but her salutations were not acknowledged with the appearance +of gratification or respect which she had seen accorded to her parents +years ago--young people from shops and post-offices nodded off-handedly +back, or at most gave a somewhat condescending "Good evening, Miss +Wilson," feeling in their confident youth and independence that it was +they who had done her the favour. + +It was all so different; that constant burden of her thoughts---- And +as she walked home through the end of the sunset, the forlorn +restlessness of the cat turned out of its basket and forced to wander +in cold, strange places seized upon her again. She could not formulate +her unease excepting by that one phrase: it was all so different. + +When she reached home, Mrs. Bradford looked up with a sort of solid +expectancy: "Well, did you have a good sermon?" + +"I suppose so. The Vicar was not there. The man we had explained to +us that there was no heaven and no God, so I suppose he was very +clever." + +Mrs. Bradford stared, then relaxed comfortably into her cushions once +more. "Oh, you mean he held those new views about religion," she said. +"I have just been reading a novel that has something about that in it. +Was he young? I always like a young preacher, because their voices are +generally stronger and you can hear better." + +Miss Ethel had gone to the window and now stood there, looking out. +The eyebrow which was affected a little by emotion or excitement gave a +slight twitch occasionally and her lips were pressed close together. +She saw the little flag on the roof over the privet hedge hanging quiet +on the still air, and it added to her sense of being conquered by those +forces which had been creeping on steadily, bit by bit, until she could +not ignore them any more than the new houses. + +But she had never before felt it as she did to-night, looking up at +that exquisite clear sky with the sickle moon rising. She was not +well, tired with the walk and the service; and a most unwonted pressure +of tears ached behind her eyes, though she fiercely fought against them. + +"Ethel!" said Mrs. Bradford. "What are you standing there for? Why +don't you go and take off your things for supper?" + +"I am going." Miss Ethel controlled her voice to speak as usual. +"I'll just put the kettle on first, because Caroline won't be in for +some time yet." And she began to cross the room, when suddenly, +abruptly, she stopped short. Standing quite still in the midst of all +those heavy chairs and tables that gleamed dimly in the falling dusk, +she blurted out in a queer, strangled tone: "I hated that sermon. I +don't think clergymen ought to be allowed to preach like that. They +want to change God. They can't even leave God the same." + +"You really do upset yourself about things so, Ethel," said Mrs. +Bradford fretfully. She wanted her supper. "What does it matter to +you what other people think? You should just take no notice and go on +in your own way, and believe what you always have believed--as I do." + +Miss Ethel made some inarticulate reply, and went out to put on the +kettle. Not for any earthly consideration would she have told her +sister that that was exactly what she could not do: that because she +listened carefully to sermons and read articles about religion the +unchanging God was gradually giving place to a vague Power which +nebulously adapted itself to the needs of a changing civilization. + +The gas-ring spurted under the match in her hand, lighting up with a +bluish light her pale, thin face. Her lips moved as she murmured to +herself for comfort: "The _same_ yesterday, to-day and for ever." But +she could not find anything to hold on to in that any more. + +Then she heard an unexpected sound at the door, and the next minute +Caroline came in, drawing off her gloves. + +"I'll see to the hot water, Miss Ethel," she said. + +"You are in early to-night," said Miss Ethel. + +"Yes." Caroline paused. "Oh, I have been going to tell you that I +shall----" But with the words nearly over her lips, she found herself +unable to speak them. "Shall be late in to-morrow," she substituted; +for somehow she could not after all cut herself adrift from this house +yet, though she came fresh from a conversation which had left her +burning with annoyance. + +She tingled still at the recollection of one girl saying to another in +passing: "That's Caroline Raby! What's she doing? Oh, she's in +service." And at the memory of her own sharply-flung: "I'm not in +service, then! I take tickets on the promenade and I'm going into an +office after that." + +But though it was evident that she was regarded by some as being in +service, and though she felt no higher regard for it than anyone else +who has just emerged from women's oldest and grandest profession, she +could not bring herself to break the threads which held her to these +two women--and to something beyond them which she would not realize. +But after she was in bed, she could see in the darkness the church +window in the sunset, and the altar rails, and the clergyman standing +as he would do when Wilson and Laura were married. + +So the three women lay in bed, thinking their own thoughts, with the +sea moaning--moaning--as it broke in a long even wave and withdrew on +the soft sand; quite a different sound every day, though Miss Ethel had +heard it for fifty-six years. But she was scarcely conscious of +hearing it at all, though it had formed an accompaniment to every +thought and action of her life during all those years. + +But to-night--perhaps because it was so warm and still, and she had the +window facing the sea wide open--she did really listen to the waves; +and that sound might perhaps have comforted her, with its deep note of +unhasting permanence, if the ears of her mind had also been open to +hear. But she only felt its melancholy. It seemed to accentuate her +forlorn sense of having nothing stationary to hold on to, not even an +unchanging God. + + + + +_Chapter XI_ + +_The Gala_ + +The Thorhaven season had passed its height, and that August month, +towards which all the efforts of the lodging-house keepers and +tradespeople converged during the year, was nearly at an end, while on +every fence and wall employed for bill sticking could be read in large +letters: "A Great Gala Night will take place on Thursday, August the +twenty-ninth. Splendid Illuminations. Continental Attractions. +Dancing on the Green from eight to ten-thirty." + +The term Continental Attractions was the inspiration of Mr. Graham, who +had recently visited the South of France on account of his wife's +health--at least he gave that as his reason, though Mrs. Graham told +all her friends confidentially that she would never have incurred so +much trouble and expense if her husband had not shown symptoms of +incipient bronchitis--and she equally believed herself to be speaking +the truth. Anyway, there it was; and from the visit to Cannes resulted +this idea of imparting a _joie de vivre_ to the Thorhaven Gala by means +of paper streamers and air balloons. There had been some consideration +of squeakers and false noses; but one or two members of the Promenade +Sub-Committee raised the reasonable objection that the squeakers would +interfere with the band, while the false noses---- Well, there was +something indefinably loose about false noses which they could feel but +could not describe in words. At any rate, they were not going to allow +such things on their promenade. + +There was a good deal of talk concerning the Gala in the town; so that +those inhabitants who were familiar with illustrated magazines and the +lighter drama--and also possessed a sanguine temperament--no doubt went +about picturing to themselves a still night with coloured lanterns +hanging motionless against a deep blue sky, while a crowd of exuberant +visitors disported themselves in pale garments and unusual attitudes +for the amusement of the Thorhaven people. + +But the clerk of the weather was not going to have anything so +incongruous as all that, and the 29th rose cold and grey--one of those +summer days which are a premonition of autumn. A strongish wind blew +from the west; leaves came whirling down on the road leading to the +promenade, and the sky was grey-black with clouds scudding across; +while beneath it, a rising sea showed a line of white breakers in the +gloom--like the cruel teeth of a monster seeking something to devour. + +Still the evening came with no sign of rain; the band stationed at the +edge of the green played cheerful dances with a will, and it was no +fault of theirs that the music sounded so lost and futile amid the +roaring of the sea--rather as if a penny whistle were to be played in a +cathedral while the organ was booming out solemn music among the +springing arches. Perhaps the visitors and the Thorhaven people felt +something of this themselves, for they put no real zest into their +attempts at carnival, but they danced rather grimly in the cold wind, +with little tussocks in the grass catching their toes and the fairy +lamps which edged the lawn blowing out one after the other. + +At the windiest corner, near the hall, was planted the respectable +middle-aged woman who sometimes assisted in cleaning the church--though +she was herself an ardent Primitive--and in her arms she held a +struggling mass of air balloons which seemed most anxious to escape +over the North Sea to those parts of Europe where carnival is more at +home. But no one seemed to be buying from her excepting a few +children, whose needs were soon satisfied. Then a worn-looking young +man came up and purchased two balloons for his children at home, but +after that the woman stood there alone again, with the balloons +buffeting about her head. + +At another point farther down the promenade, a boy suffering from a +slight cold in his head offered for sale a tray of those snake-like +paper missiles which can be shot out suddenly with startling effect. +But he seemed rather ashamed of his job and kept in the gloom as much +as possible, now and then making a sale among the children, who ran in +and out behind the more sheltered seats where their elders sat in +winter coats. + +Mr. Graham--as the originator of these attractions--felt exceedingly +impatient, both with his fellow-townspeople and the visitors, as he sat +watching. A chill air blew down the back of his neck and he was +conscious of an incipient cold, which all added to his feeling of +bitterness. "No earthly use trying!" he burst forth, rising abruptly +from his seat. "English people don't know how to enjoy themselves, and +it's no use trying to teach them." + +He scowled first at the scene before him and then at his wife, who sat +with Mrs. Bradford and Miss Ethel on a long wooden seat. + +"You couldn't imagine the weather would be like this, dear," said Mrs. +Graham soothingly. + +"The air will do us good," added Miss Ethel, a little pink about the +nose, but wishful to be polite. + +"Well, there's plenty of it," he said bitterly, grabbing his hat, which +threatened to blow away. + +It was plain that he jested with an anxious heart, thinking of what +might be said of his venture at the next Council meeting. Those very +offensive fellows who always were against him would, of course, make +capital out of this. . . . Suddenly he braced himself up and strode +away across the lawn. They _should_ frisk, if any influence of his +could make 'em! + +His wife looked after him sympathetically, then turned to Miss Ethel. +"That's right!" she said. "Arthur will soon put a little more spirit +into them. You see he knows how it is done. I shall never forget the +way he entered into the spirit of the thing that time when we were +abroad. If you could have seen him going down the Plage with a sort of +a rattle in his hand and his hat on one side---- But there's something +in the climate, of course." + +"I suppose there must be," said Miss Ethel, with an involuntary glance +at the couples jigging solemnly about the grass in front of her. + +They sat silent for a time, feeling colder and colder, but sparing Mrs. +Graham's feeling by remaining where they were. "Isn't that Caroline?" +said Mrs. Bradford, after a long pause. + +"I dare say. She told me the arrangements were somewhat different this +evening, and she was to come off duty at half-past nine," said Miss +Ethel. + +Then Mr. Graham came back and bumped himself down so heavily on the +wooden seat that the ladies felt a slight jar. + +"No life!" he exclaimed. "No gaiety! No _joie de vivre_!" He paused, +blowing his nose. "Well, this is the last time. I'll never attempt +anything of the sort again." + +"You must not say that. I am sure the Thorhaven people are grateful," +murmured Miss Ethel. + +"Old fool!" blurted out Mr. Graham with alarming ferocity and +suddenness. "A woman like that ought to be kept indoors when other +people are enjoying themselves, and only taken out in a churchyard on a +chain. Fit for nothing else!" + +"Arthur! What are you talking about?" said his wife, naturally +startled. + +"Well," he said, then had to swallow and choke. "Well, I bought one of +those paper snakes just to encourage the lad and set things going a +bit. Then I let it run out as I passed a dull-looking group that +seemed not to be enjoying themselves. And--and----" + +"Well, Arthur?" + +"A wretched woman turned round and called me an impudent old +scoundrel--told me she didn't want any grey-haired married men after +her girls." + +"I don't believe it! I can't! She meant somebody else. Don't you +feel sure she must have meant her remark for some other passer-by, Mrs. +Bradford?" said Mrs. Graham, much agitated by his annoyance. + +Mrs. Bradford eyed Mr. Graham with stolid thoroughness. "I think she +must. He doesn't look at all like that. But my husband used to say +that the sedate middle-aged-looking ones were often the worst, so +perhaps she may have thought the same." + +"If she did, she was an idiot," said Mrs. Graham; then abruptly changed +the subject. "Oh, there's Godfrey Wilson! I suppose he often comes +through here on his way to his rooms." + +"Yes, that's it. No fear of his wanting to dance with the girls on the +promenade nowadays," answered Mr. Graham, beginning to recover himself +by degrees. "Well, Lizzie, I think we've had enough of this, don't +you? Shall we go in and have a bit of supper? Then I will see Mrs. +Bradford and Miss Ethel home." + +But as they walked away, he could not refrain from casting a backward +glance at the decent woman struggling with her unruly air-balloons, and +a sense of disappointed _joie de vivre_ came over him once more. "I +wish to goodness the whole bag o' tricks would blow away into the sea," +he said. "I'd willingly pay the piper. I'm sick to death of seeing +the things bob up and down in the wind." + +"Are you?" said Miss Ethel in her sharp way. "Then why don't you buy +them all up and send them to the children at the Convalescent Home that +Laura is so interested in?" + +"Now that's an idea," said Mr. Graham at once. For the feeling that it +was his duty to give to a charitable institution when he could, had +been handed down to him--it was a part of life, no less natural than +having his hair cut or going to the dentist's. Out in the new, changed +world this instinctive generosity might already be taking +flight--scared away, as the fairies had been by steam traffic--but in +Thorhaven it still remained. + +So he went back to the woman selling air-balloons with restored +self-satisfaction, and stood there in the high wind, diving into his +pockets for the amount required. The air balloons blew about--purple, +pink and white--all looking almost equally colourless by the faint +light as they bobbed about the woman's head, impeding her view of the +purchaser. A few moments later she was making her way home, thankful +to be done with a job which seemed to her ridiculous. + + + + +_Chapter XII_ + +_The End of the Gala_ + +Godfrey Wilson waited until Mr. Graham had departed, then strolled +slowly along the promenade towards Caroline. He had no real objection +to anyone knowing that he spoke to her, but preferred to say a +necessary word or two about the type-writing machine when Miss Ethel +and her party were not there. This is what he told himself as he went +along the path to the place where she stood with another girl, watching +the dancing. + +All the same it was something deeper than argument which informed his +movements--something stronger than common sense. It was a stirring of +the insatiable curiosity of the human being who has begun to be +sexually interested in another. Though not exactly coarse-fibred, he +was so far removed from anything attenuated as almost to be so. He +only thought of himself. + +He wanted to know what she was thinking of him, whether she liked him +more or less than when they last met. And yet in spite of that he +believed himself to be quite honest when he assured his conscience that +he only wanted to say something about a paper carrier which had not +worked well. For instinct is such a wonderful hand at camouflage that +he believed quite honestly--despite previous experience--that he wanted +nothing more. For the most wonderful thing about this kind of +deception is that the same old trick may seem new time after time. +Just as a healthy woman forgets what she has gone through on having her +child, so a very virile man will forget--in a way--what he has +experienced in pursuit of a girl. + +At any rate, Godfrey Wilson was not at all conscious of going over old +ground; though when he approached Caroline saying rather formally, +"Good evening, Miss Raby. I just wanted to ask you if that paper +carrier was working satisfactorily now----" he could not quite ignore +the suggestion of a giggle in the attitude of Caroline's companion, who +moved away at once with some murmur about finding a cousin. The "Two's +company and three's none!" in her tone spoke as plainly as that. +Wilson felt annoyed by it. + +"Oh well, that was all I wanted to know," he said when she had given +the information, and he spoke rather loudly and distinctly, so that +anyone near might hear. + +But as Caroline at once moved away to follow her friend, he suddenly +felt that he wanted to say something more. + +"The Gala has not been a very gay affair, has it? Nearly over now, +though," he said. + +She stood still again and they both glanced up and down the long +promenade, which was fast emptying: just then a heavy cloud sailed +across the moon, obscuring everything but those islands of light near +the gas-lamps. The little coloured globes were by now more than half +blown out, while the rest flickered uncertainly, accentuating the windy +darkness. It was the last dance, and the band played very quickly. +The few couples left were mostly men and girls more or less in love +with each other who wanted to spin out the happy hours. + +"Come!" said Wilson, putting his arm round Caroline's waist, on the +impulse of the moment. "Let's dance these last few bars. It is all +over." + +All over---- It was curious how the words echoed in his own mind as he +circled round faster and faster. He would not be dancing with little +girls on the Thorhaven promenade any more after to-night. He would be +a married man when the next Gala took place--ranged, respected; and +though he felt a deep affection for Laura, he knew it was not on that +altar alone that he had sacrificed his freedom. His wife's fortune +would also just lift him above the dead-level where opportunities are +very few, into the region where a clever and enterprising man with +ambition is certain to find many; but he was sufficiently fond of Laura +to make the prospect of matrimony with her agreeable, though he was not +what is called a marrying man. + +But a bridegroom of his type is bound to have regrets, unless in the +thrall of an engrossing passion; and to-night Wilson felt these +misgivings more acutely than he had done since his engagement--perhaps +because the loss of bachelor freedom was getting so near. Therefore +his dance with Caroline--though such a trivial matter in itself--was +not simply a dance, but a last fling: and he felt a ridiculous desire +to call out to the band to go on when he heard them stopping, so as to +prolong something in his own life which he knew to be nearly at an end. + +He did not do so, of course; and the performers at once began to pack +up, thankfully looking forward to warmth and bed. Wilson and Caroline +chanced to stop dancing near the turnstile leading on to the cliff, so +they went out that way, which was near his lodgings, and equally +convenient for her to reach the Cottage. One or two couples passed out +just before them, but Caroline and Wilson were the last, and when they +stepped into the clayey ground at the beginning of the cliff path, they +seemed to plunge all at once into absolute darkness. + +"Careful!" cried Wilson sharply. "You'll be over the cliff in a +minute, if you don't look out." And he put his hand through her arm. + +The sea gleamed very faintly under the black sky as they turned their +backs on it and walked cautiously along the uneven path leading to the +main road. At the corner she stood still and withdrew her arm. "I can +manage all right now. It was so dark under the shadow of that wall. +Good night." + +"Oh no. I can't let you go home alone. You would be walking into a +fence or spraining your ankle over a stone heap before you got to the +Cottage," he answered. "Come on." And he took her arm again. "There! +You see you are stumbling already." + +She had trodden carelessly, disturbed by his touch, and she felt his +grasp strengthen--then felt some instinct in herself fighting against +it. "No. I'll go alone. I can quite well. I'd rather. I hate +bringing you so far out of your way." She spoke in short phrases, +nervously. + +"Of course, I can't let you walk home by yourself in this," he said, +his assurance somehow increased by her fluttering nervousness. "Don't +be a silly girl. What are a few hundred yards to me one way or +another?" + +"Oh well!" Caroline suddenly gave way, feeling she had been making +ridiculously too much of it. "Must be after eleven," she murmured. +"The Committee extended the time to eleven. I expect they'll wish they +hadn't, when it was such a cold night." + +"I suppose they've been out after eleven before." But she knew by his +tone he was not thinking of what he was saying. All that they had +really to say to each other seemed to be passing through the electric +current which passed between his strong, warm fingers and the tingling +flesh of her arm--though they actually did discourse about Mr. Graham, +and the balloons, and the financial disappointment which the Gala must +have been to the Committee. + +But near the gate of the Cottage Caroline resolutely withdrew her arm. +"Please don't come up the drive. I'd rather you didn't. Good night!" +She spoke in a low voice, hurriedly. + +"Sure you're all right?" he said. + +"Yes. Yes. Good night," she repeated. + +He let her go a few steps, then she suddenly felt an arm of iron about +her, the brief touch of his lips on her cheek--heard his voice saying +with a queer accent of triumph: "I knew it would be like that!" + +He was gone, leaving her standing there. He had satisfied the urge of +a burning curiosity which had assailed him first as she sat in the +window of Laura's drawing-room, and he noticed the magnolia texture of +her healthy pallor and the little golden powdering of freckles on her +nose. He had fought against that recollection. He had been ashamed to +have begun it there. Now as he strode away into the dark he swore to +himself that he was satisfied; he would never let himself go again; +that he would be faithful to Laura in thought and deed. + +As for Caroline--well, he remembered that she had walked out with a +young man named Wilf; probably with others before that. A kiss more or +less was not a serious thing to a girl of that sort; though he felt +sorry, all the same, that he had been betrayed into giving it. + + * * * * * * + +Caroline made her way up the dark drive, and on reaching the door she +felt in her coat pocket for the latch-key. It was not there. Then she +sought hastily in her other pocket and could not find it. Evidently +she had dropped it on the road somewhere, but no one could see a small +article like that now, even if it lay on the pathway. + +Well, there was nothing for it but to knock at the door. She looked up +at the house which loomed above her, a dark block with faintly gleaming +windows, and the thud, thud, made by her knuckles seemed +extraordinarily loud. But the stillness which followed seemed +intense--seemed only to be accentuated by the heavy sound of the sea +which she never consciously heard in the daytime, any more than Miss +Ethel or the other Thorhaven people. + +After a while she knocked again, but the house still lay quiet--with +the peculiar deadness about it of houses seen from the outside when +those within are all asleep. In the room just above the front door +Miss Ethel was deep in the first stupid slumber of exhaustion produced +by a long day's work and the evening walk in a high wind. She was so +tired that she had ceased some time ago to lie awake and listen for +Caroline coming in, though she felt it was her duty to do so. But +nearly every night now she went to bed early and lay like a log, not +caring about anything more until the morning. If the world came to an +end, she must go to bed--she could no more. + +Caroline down below stood hesitating whether to throw a stone up or +not, but remembered that Mrs. Bradford was so timid that she always +covered up her ears with the blanket for fear of hearing burglars in +the night--priding herself indeed on this timidity, and telling people +that when you once had had a husband you lost your nerve for sleeping +alone. So Caroline knew there was no help to be had in that quarter, +and yet she did not like to startle Miss Ethel after that fall among +the half-built houses which had been more than an ordinary faint, +though no one made anything of it. + +However, she knocked again on the door, blows that seemed to echo +through the whole of Thorhaven. She glanced nervously over her +shoulder, picturing the male inhabitants of Emerald Avenue and +Cornelian Crescent and Sapphire Terrace, hastily flinging on trousers +and boots to see what the matter was, while their wives made +shrill-voiced ejaculations from the bed. She saw it all quite plainly +on the darkness as the noise reverberated through the still night. +Suddenly she lost her nerve. That kiss at the gate still hovered in +the back of her consciousness, waiting for a fuller realization; but it +had left her fluttering and tingling with emotion, so that she was less +mistress of herself than usual. + +Not that she had not been kissed before, and by others besides Wilf; +but it had never been like this, because now for the first time a kiss +woke a response which bewildered her. She began to cry. + +Then she tried to pull herself together. After all, it could not be +very late. What an idiot to be standing there crying, when Aunt +Creddle lived only a ten minutes' walk away! Of course she could go +and stay the night there. Very likely Aunt Creddle might be still up, +for she took in washing for one or two people, and sometimes did the +ironing after the children were in bed---- + +Caroline gave a sob of relief as she got to this, and turning her back +on the house she began to run stumbling down the drive. When she +reached the open road and was free from the heavy shadow of the privet +hedge, she felt her self-confidence gradually coming back to her. + +All the houses in Emerald Avenue were in darkness, but on nearing the +Creddles she saw a little glimmer of light through the glass pane of +the front door. It was as she had hoped, for in response to her knock, +Mrs. Creddle herself unchained the door and peered out into the dark. +"Is that somebody from Mrs. White's?" she asked. "I thought she wasn't +expecting until next week at the----" The good woman broke off +suddenly and her voice went up several notes: "You, Caroline!" + +"Yes. I lost my latch-key and I can't make them hear. I was afraid I +should startle Miss Ethel if I threw anything up at her window," said +Caroline, speaking quickly. "I didn't know if it might give her a +turn, after that fall of hers. And you can't waken Mrs. Bradford. She +wraps her head up in her petticoat and sleeps like the dead." + +"Well, it's a lucky thing I happened to be up finishing the ironing," +said Mrs. Creddle. "Your uncle wouldn't have liked it if you'd come +hammering at our door and letting the whole street know you were locked +out." + +"I didn't lose the key on purpose," said Caroline rather sullenly, as +she followed her aunt into the warm, light kitchen. "I couldn't help +it." + +"What made you so late in?" said Mrs. Creddle. "Here, sit you down and +I'll get you a drink of cocoa. Girls never used to be having +latch-keys and careering about at all hours in my day." + +"But it isn't your day now, thank goodness!" said Caroline, who was +feeling excited and irritable. "I had a dance on the green after I +came off duty, that was all." + +"Prom's been closed a long time," said Mrs. Creddle. "I heard the +next-door folks come back. But we was all young once, and I dare say +you and Wilf have been kissing and making friends again on the way +home. Is that it?" + +For some obscure reason this question angered Caroline almost beyond +bearing. + +"I told you I'd done with Wilf, and I have," she said rather +hysterically. "I wouldn't let him kiss me now for anything on earth. +I don't know how I ever could fancy him. I----" + +"Hush!" said Mrs. Creddle, glancing towards the stairs. "There's your +uncle moving. I'm afraid he won't be best pleased to see you here, +Carrie. And he would have pickle for his tea, though I told him not, +so he's a bit fretty to start with." + +Before she had finished speaking Mr. Creddle was upon them, hastily +dressed in night-shirt and trousers. "Now, what's all this?" he said, +and his tone certainly did betray the effect of cheap vinegar on a weak +digestion. + +So Mrs. Creddle explained matters while Caroline stood listening. + +"Who came home with you?" said Creddle, turning with a dark face +towards the two women. "I saw the bills. Dancing was over a good bit +since. Who brought you home?" + +"That's my business," she answered, pale and obstinate. + +"Is it? Well, it's my business to take you back to your place," he +said. Then he went on, raising his voice: "Do you think I'm going to +have a niece of mine--that I've brought up like my own--stopping out +all night? The lasses in my family and in your aunt's family, too, +have always been respectable--and you will be an' all, so long as I +have anything to do with you." + +"I'm not going back to the Cottage to-night, though. I'm going to stop +here and sleep on the sofa," said Caroline defiantly. + +"Hush, Carrie," pleaded Mrs. Creddle anxiously. "That isn't the way to +speak to your uncle, you know. He only means it for your good." + +Mr. Creddle reached for his boots. "I won't have her stop out all +night," he repeated. "What would your mother ha' thought if you'd done +such a thing when you were in service?" + +"Only I _aren't_ in service like aunt was," answered Caroline, getting +excited again. "Things are quite different from what they used to be +then. You can't judge by what went on when you were young, can he, +aunt?" + +But Mrs. Creddle only shook her head; for somehow those words "stopped +out all night" came echoing on from her youth and she felt the force of +tradition at this moment no less than her husband. Always that phrase +had conveyed something derogatory concerning the girl about whom it was +used; and never would she or her sister Ellen have earned it while they +were in service for any earthly consideration. She was still faithful +to all the traditions of that skilled trade to which she had served a +long apprenticeship, and which is one of the most intricate and +difficult in the world. For a mass of oral knowledge handed down from +one to another--accuracy, intelligence, self-control, a very high +standard of personal chastity--these things formed only a part of the +equipment of Caroline's aunts when they were young, and such girls as +they formed an unorganized guild of service which can never be excelled +in England, whatever comes. They were the best maid-servants in the +world, and they did not know it. But they had a great pride in +themselves, if not in their fine calling, and Mrs. Creddle felt this +stir within her as she listened to her husband. + +"Your uncle's right," she said. "Maybe other people will get to know +you lost your key, and they mightn't believe you. You wouldn't like it +to get about that you'd stopped out all night." + +"I shouldn't care. I know I've done nothing wrong," said Caroline, +beginning to take off her hat. + +"Now, my lass!" said Creddle grimly, as he finished lacing his boots, +"you're coming with me. Don't let's have no nonsense!" + +"I tell you, I'm not coming," said Caroline, pale about the lips and +trembling a little. + +"Come! Come! Carrie," said Mrs. Creddle, beginning to cry. "Don't +anger your uncle. He's that wore out he didn't know where to put +himself when he got home to-night, and yet here he is with his boots on +ready to take you back to your place. And he's always treated you like +his own, and so have I, so far as I know how. Many's the little treat +we've gone without, and never grudged it, so as to bring you up nice; +and this is how you pay us back." + +"Oh, aunt, I know you have," said Caroline, and her eyes filled, though +they had been hard and dry a minute before. "I do know how good you +and uncle have been. Only I won't be taken back as if I were a little +trapesing general that had been misbehaving herself. I can't!" + +"There's no talk of misbehaving," said Creddle. "And I aren't going to +have any. You get your hat on and come with me." + +Caroline's face stiffened; then she felt the touch of Mrs. Creddle's +roughened, kind hand on her arm, and saw that jolly face puckered with +crying which had smiled a welcome on her all her life. She gave a +great gulp and walked to the door, Creddle following her. + +For she belonged--poor Caroline--to the company of those who can really +love, and they are always liable to give way suddenly when fighting +those they love, because they cannot bear to see the pain. + + + + +_Chapter XIII_ + +_Next Morning_ + +Miss Ethel came into the kitchen as Caroline finished washing up the +breakfast things. There was a constrained atmosphere about both of +them which seemed even to affect the small fire which burnt sulkily in +the grate, but nothing was said concerning the events of the previous +night. + +"Oh! Caroline, I wonder if you would kindly take a message for me to +Miss Temple on your way to the promenade?" said Miss Ethel, rather +stiffly. + +But on the whole the affair of the previous night had been less odious +than Caroline had feared. Still it had been rather like an ugly +nightmare, all the same--Uncle Creddle banging on the door until one +startled woman opened it while the other peered over the banisters. +They had thanked Mr. Creddle, saying Caroline ought to be more careful: +and Mrs. Bradford added that some burglar had no doubt picked up the +key and would come and murder them in their beds. But there the matter +ended. + +Now, however, with the mention of Laura's name, the recollection of +that kiss at the gate last night sprang up from some deep place within +Caroline's consciousness and overwhelmed everything else. She could +not go to Laura's door and perhaps be obliged to answer kind words and +pleasant looks; she could not do it. "I'm sorry, Miss Ethel," she +muttered, bending over the washing-bowl, "but there's not time." + +Miss Ethel glanced at the clock and saw that there was time; but she +could not insist, and so thought it more dignified to go away without +making any remark. Still she felt irritated to an unreasonable degree, +for her disturbed night had left her tired and nervous. + +A few minutes later Caroline went out. There had been a change in the +wind, which now blew lustily from the north-east, and the sun was +shining. As she came down the street leading to the promenade, the +surface of her mind responded to the pricking liveliness of the salt +air and the sight of the open sea in front of her. A heavy rain +towards dawn had washed down mud from the cliffs which the high tide +had carried away, so now the water was a milky dun-colour, scattered +with millions of opal lights, answering more closely just then to the +thought of a jewelled sea than even the sparkling sapphire +Mediterranean. + +A middle-aged visitor who had passed constantly in and out through the +barrier and knew Caroline by sight, gave her a sprightly "Good morning" +as he went through. "Most invigorating! Most invigorating!" + +"Yes. Makes you feel as if you could jump over the moon, doesn't it?" +said Caroline gaily--that surface mind responding to his brisk jollity. + +"Ha! Ha! So long as you haven't a liver to weigh you down," jested +the rosy-faced gentleman. Then he stepped away down the promenade, +well pleased with himself and his surroundings, and feeling that he was +not such an old dog yet, so long as he could enjoy a joke with a girl +on the promenade. + +Caroline looked after him with a smile which gradually faded from her +lips as the slight stimulation from without ceased to act. For beneath +it all there was something inside, deep down within her, which was not +to be touched by the influences of sea air or sunshine--something that +watched anxiously and doggedly for one thing and would heed no other. + +But the people came and went--came and went--until her knee ached with +the clutch and her whole being with watching. . . . And still the one +man she was looking for never put his broad-palmed, long-fingered hand +on the iron bar or turned his heavy-featured face towards her little +window. + +She kept telling herself that she was tired after last night, so as to +explain the ache, but her little, pale face was looking pinched in the +light from the sea when Laura Temple paused at the barrier to say a few +words. The two girls spoke to each other through the little window; +one smiling, the other rather grave and reluctant. They talked a +moment or two of trivial things--the weather, the Gala--but Caroline +felt a queer animosity towards this pleasant, kind girl whose lover had +kissed her the night before. Though she told her surface self that the +kiss was only a "bit of fun" and meant nothing, that other self knew +well enough that it had meant quite enough to constitute an injury to a +bride who was to be married in less than three weeks' time. + +She replied abruptly, turning over the leaves of her account book; +irritated by this contradictory sense of being obliged to feel she had +done an injury when she knew she really had not. So at last Laura +thought she had a headache or something, and soon went on towards the +Cottage. + + * * * * * * + +Miss Ethel came to the door, and at once took Laura into the +living-room. Mrs. Bradford sat as usual on an arm-chair, idle with a +clear conscience, because of her great, successful effort in the past. + +Laura greeted them both gaily, for she felt the world was an agreeable +place that morning. "I received your message with an almond cake from +the baker's. I do hope your news is something good, too," she said. + +But Miss Ethel did not respond to the mild pleasantry. "Yes. I had to +get the baker's boy to take a message, because I am not very well +to-day, and Caroline declined to call round on her way to the +promenade." + +"Said she hadn't time," added Mrs. Bradford. "She had quite sufficient +time. And considering that she came in at all hours last night after +pretending to lose the latch-key, I think she might have done what +Ethel asked. No doubt she had been wandering about with some man. She +went to the Creddles, intending to stay the night there, but Creddle +brought her back." + +"Oh, I feel sure she really did lose the key," said Laura. "It is a +thing I have done myself before now. And I'm sure I never wandered +about at night with young men." + +"But she pretended that she had been here earlier and was unable to +make anyone hear. I didn't like that. We are not Rip van Winkles," +said Miss Ethel crisply. + +Laura laughed, anxious to conciliate them both for Caroline's sake. "I +dare say she was afraid of disturbing you. She is a kind-hearted girl, +I am sure, and she would remember that you have been ill, Miss Ethel." + +"And yet she declined to go on a simple errand for me this morning," +said Miss Ethel. "No, they are all alike: all for self. The young +people of the present day think of nothing but their own amusement." + +She paused and added, anxious to be just, "Though I must own that +Caroline was kind when I was ill. I dare say there is something +good-hearted about her, at the bottom: but it is her general attitude +which I so dislike." + +"If we only had Ellen back!" moaned Mrs. Bradford from the depths of +the arm-chair. "Or somebody like Ellen." + +"You may just as well wish for butter at fourteen-pence a pound or +oranges twelve a penny like we used to get in Flodmouth Market," +retorted Miss Ethel. Then her voice changed, taking on a heavy, inward +note. "Those days are done. They'll never come back any more." + +"I mean," said Mrs. Bradford, who had all the curiosity often shown by +stupid people, "what sort of a young man Caroline has got now. A great +deal depends on that." And she looked inquiringly at Laura. + +"I'm sure I don't know," said Laura. "Caroline's young men are her +affair, not mine." + +"At any rate," said Miss Ethel, "we have not brought you here on a busy +morning to talk about them. We know you must have a great deal on your +hands just now, preparing for the wedding." + +"Oh, it makes a great difference, having no house to get ready," said +Laura, flushing at the mention of her wedding, as she could not help +doing, though she felt such a sign of emotion to be ridiculous at this +time of day. "We must stay in my cottage until the house Godfrey has +taken is at liberty, and they say that won't be before the end of March +at the earliest." + +"I don't think I should have liked that," said Mrs. Bradford. "I +remember how my dear husband insisted on having everything absolutely +complete, down to the very toilet-tidies on the looking-glasses, before +he took me home as a bride. But there are few like him." And she +sighed and glanced up at the quite imposing photograph which she had +long since come to believe exactly resembled Mr. Bradford in life. + +Laura felt a very little annoyed for the moment, being sensitive on +this point of a house because hints had not failed to reach her that +Godfrey was considered to be feathering his nest at her expense; but +the next minute she forgot her annoyance in a tender flow of sympathy +for this other woman who had lost everything which she herself was +about to possess. + +"Godfrey and I thought it preferable to waiting until the spring," she +said gently. "But of course I should have liked my new home to be all +ready for me, as yours was." + +"Well, you needn't regret the toilet-tidies," said Miss Ethel. "Green +paper with magenta ribbon, if I remember right." Then she paused a +moment, nervously trying to steel herself for an effort which was +exceedingly painful to her. "But what we asked you to come in for was +this----" She paused again to clear her throat. "We have decided to +sell this house, and we thought you would kindly convey the message to +Godfrey for us." + +"Of course I will," said Laura readily. The question as to why a +letter could not have been sent to Godfrey was latent in her tone, but +Miss Ethel did not answer it, because she herself did not know how she +dreaded the effort of writing the letter. + +"We knew you would be seeing Godfrey this afternoon--we thought perhaps +you would break it to him." + +"We have only just decided," added Mrs. Bradford. "But I daresay we +shall be all right in Emerald Avenue. There is a pleasant window in +the front bedroom facing south. So long as I have my knitting and a +warm corner I can make myself happy. My dear husband once said that my +disposition made me immune from the arrows of adversity. It was a +beautiful thing to say, and I have never forgotten it." + +"I'll be sure to tell Godfrey," said Laura, for once bluntly +disregarding Mrs. Bradford's reminiscences, because she understood far +more than they thought. It was plain enough that Miss Ethel had sent +in this haste so as to make the matter irrevocable--to strengthen a +decision almost beyond her powers. But once they had talked openly +about leaving the house, it became an established thing. + +"Tell Godfrey we can be out by Christmas, if he is able to effect a +sale," said Miss Ethel. "We must leave the roses, of course, as there +will be no garden in Emerald Avenue. The privet hedge has been clipped +this year, but it will want pruning in January." + +"Oh, Miss Ethel!" said Laura, with a catch in her throat, suddenly +feeling the tears running down, though she had no thought of crying a +moment earlier. + +For Miss Ethel, as she stood there very erect, talking in that dry, +clear tone, with her thin face towards the light and the right temple +twitching a little, looking out at the garden she had loved to tend, +was a sight very touching to a sensitive heart. And though Laura knew +that it was not such a terrible misfortune to leave an agreeable house +with a nice garden for a smaller one less pleasant, she still +felt--ridiculous though her reason knew it to be--that the atmosphere +of the low room was charged with something momentous. The throb! +throb! throb! of a heavy sea at low tide came through the window, and +it sounded to Laura's excited perceptions like the tread of something +dreadful coming. Perhaps she was in a state of heightened emotion +owing to her nearly approaching marriage, and that made her unduly +impressionable, but she did experience a queer, helpless sense of +destiny approaching such as you feel in dreams. + +But Miss Ethel had conquered a momentary trembling of the lips caused +by Laura's tears, and she crisply broke the silence. "I dare say you +think we are making a mountain out of a molehill." + +"No, no," said Laura eagerly. "Only you will have less work to do, and +by next year at this time you may be really glad you are not here." + +"Shall I?" said Miss Ethel. "I hope it may be so!" + +"Don't take it like that, Miss Ethel!" said Laura in a quick, sharp +tone, most unusual for her. "Things can never be as they were again. +Is it likely? Look out into the world. There's not a corner where you +don't feel the backwash of a storm of some sort. You and I have lived +in such a sheltered happy way here that we don't realize what's going +on unless we are brought up against it by something in our own lives." +She wanted to be kind--yet words which were not very kind came out in +spite of herself: and she felt herself trembling a little, as if they +had to do with a deep emotion of her own which it distressed her to +bring to light. "You can't feel sure of anything or anybody in the +whole world. Anybody may change. They can't help it, any more than +you can help seeing it." She was very pale now, aghast at what had +grown from a faint stirring of unformulated doubt to a spoken reality. +Almost every sensitive person has trembled thus before something which +has sprung up into sight through the accidental touching of a hidden +spot in the mind. + +But that only lasted a moment--the next, she was not going to leave it +so. Every particle of her being rebelled against what she had seen and +she would rather doubt her senses than her love. "I except Godfrey, of +course," she said, lifting up her head with a little laugh. "_He_ +remains stable." + +"Yes. Yes. Of course," responded Miss Ethel absently, her mind so +full of what they had just decided to do that she could think of +nothing else. "Then you will tell Godfrey? I don't think there is any +need for me to write." + +"He will come in to see you, no doubt." Laura had remained standing +since that moment when she rose hastily from her seat, and she went +forward now with a gesture which showed she did not intend to sit down +again. "I have such heaps to do this morning. I'm afraid I must run +away now." + +But as she touched Miss Ethel's hand with her own she was startled by +its icy coldness. In a moment her sympathy flowed back again over +those dreadful thoughts, washing them away. "I know you'll love your +new home when you get settled, and you will have all your friends just +the same. More, because you will be nearer the town." And she pressed +her lips to that white cheek. + +Miss Ethel did not seem to relax in that embrace, or to be in the least +sensible of the natural kindness which permeated every fibre of Laura's +being like the sweetness of sun-warmed fruit, but perhaps she did feel +a little comforted by that soft human contact all the same. + +For she went with the guest to the door and stood alone there watching +until the sound of steps and the click of the gate gave place to +silence. The builders had gone away for their dinner-hour, and the +close-shaven grass in the sunshine near the high hedge seemed so +cloistered--so much more remote than it really was. Before those new +houses came, you need not see anything beyond the privet hedge unless +you wished---- But now the outside was close upon her. It was time to +give in and go away. + +As she stood there with the neat curled hair over her forehead blowing +in the wind, and her short skirt and blouse trimly set about her spare +figure, she was thinking thoughts which were almost incredibly +different from what she looked--seeking all over the world with a sort +of desperate forlornness for a corner where her mind could find rest. + +Then the very quiet of the half-built houses over the hedge reminded +her that she must go in to fry the rissoles for the midday dinner, but +she revolted from the anticipated smell of hot fat with a sensation of +physical sickness. For she had never possessed a robust appetite, and +until this last year had scarcely ever sat down to a meal prepared by +herself: so she did not bring to the task that interest which a good +appetite or a natural taste for cooking will give even to those who +have had no previous experience. + +However, it had to be done, so she went in, catching sight as she +passed through the hall of a roll of music returned by Laura: but it +failed to stir any regret that she was always too tired to practise +nowadays. Leisure--which she had all her life regarded as a right, no +more to be considered than water or air--was hers no longer. + +But she had no idea that she was sharing the exact experience of +thousands of women throughout England--throughout Europe: that as she +stood there alone over a stove in a quiet little house in a remote part +of Yorkshire, carrying out the everyday details of her narrow +existence, she was more widely and actually international than the +manual workers themselves. + +She only knew that she loathed the smell of frying fat. + + + + +_Chapter XIV_ + +_The Cliff Top_ + +Caroline had just come back from her tea and stood at the door of the +pay-box, talking to Lillie, who was about to go off duty. The bright +light reflected from the sea shone on the two girls, and on some +children with brown legs and streaming hair who raced along the +promenade. + +"Going for a walk?" said Caroline, glancing idly in front of her at the +expanse of dappled water. + +"No. Mother has a bad cold and we're full up with visitors. I shall +go straight home." + +Then--just at this least expected moment--the thing happened for which +some hidden feeling within her had been so intently waiting all day. +She saw Godfrey standing there as she had pictured, with his broad, +long-fingered hand on the iron bar; the hand so indicative--had she but +known--of the contradictions in his character. + +Lillie sat down again to release the clutch, and he passed through to +the promenade. "Oh, lovely afternoon, isn't it?" he said, and walked +briskly away between the neat rows of bedding plants. + +The two girls looked after him; at last Lillie said with a slight +giggle: "Seems in a hurry, doesn't he? But I expect he's got his young +lady waiting for him. My word, she'd give him beans if she knew he saw +you home last night, wouldn't she?" A pause, during which Caroline +failed to respond; then, rather shortly: "Well, so long!" But Caroline +did not notice; her whole mind bent on Godfrey's retreating figure as +it went firmly down the broad concrete walk of the promenade--for now +the question she'd been craving to ask all day had been answered. He +thought nothing about what happened last night. The kiss had been +nothing to him. He intended to show her that he did not recognize any +slightest claim on his attention which she might think she had gained +from it. + +Then she had to cease looking after him in order to answer a stout lady +visitor who made a point of being nice to the girl at the pay-box. +"Yes--a great pity the weather was not like this for the Gala." + +But all the time she was saying to herself, with the queer, dazed +feeling which comes from a sudden shock of discovery: "I'm gone on him! +I'm fair gone on him, and him going to be married!" + +Even in her thoughts she usually chose her words--just as she kept +herself scrupulously "nice" underneath to match her carefully tended +hands and well-brushed hair. But now she reverted back to the +expressions of her earliest girlhood. "I only meant a bit of fun, and +I'm fair gone on him." + +Oh! it was desolating--most miserable. There was nothing on earth to +be got from it but heartache. She had tried to do the best for +herself, and Fate had treated her like this--stabbed her from behind. +It was abominable that she should be punished so for a bit of fun when +other girls got off scot-free who had done all sorts of things that she +would be ashamed of doing. Life was unfair. It was horribly unfair---- + +An Urban District Councillor on his way home separated himself from the +stream of men with bags which emerged blackly from the railway station +and flowed over Thorhaven between half-past five and half-past six. +"Fine evening! Fine evening!" he said, bustling through the barrier. + +For a moment the agony lifted; but when he was gone it started again +worse than ever--like the pain in an inflamed nerve. The waste of it! +She had thrown away her best asset for nothing. She could no longer +fall in love with the rich young man who might want to marry her one +day--as she had always more or less sub-consciously expected--because +she loved Godfrey. Instinct warned her that the best goods in her shop +window were gone without any return, and for the moment her chief +feeling was an intense anger against fate first and then against +Godfrey. + +Not that she blamed him particularly for the kiss. Any man would kiss +a girl when he saw her home if he had a chance, of course. But she was +vaguely furious with him because he was the cause of such a +disorganization of all her life plans. She felt cheated, though she +did not realize what she was cheated of, as she sat there looking out +of her little window towards the north. + +Through the remainder of the evening and all the next day her mood +remained thus--indrawn and sombre. The people going on the promenade +passed by her like marionettes, and she like another marionette +responded, but there was no feeling in it at all. She might equally +well have seen the whole lot of them, herself included, jerked by wires +from a sardonic heaven that had no purpose, no plan--only such figures +of thought were not within her scope; still the feeling was there, +corroding her faith in life. + +At last Saturday night came. But the week of long working hours during +which she had been constantly in the sea air and yet protected from +wind and rain, had left her filled with vitality, despite her +bitterness of mind. The night was not dark, because of a growing moon +and pale stars peppering the sky, and as she walked along the light +road with no care for her footsteps she found a vent for that unusual +vitality in a certain habit of her girlhood which she had almost +entirely dropped during the past year or two. Often enough before +that, she had walked about the Thorhaven streets imagining herself in +all sorts of impossible situations, though always happy, beloved and +rich. But she had since given it up, as she had put away her dolls a +year or two earlier; and she now felt a secret shame in abandoning +herself to it again--as if she had at fourteen taken to playing with +dolls once more. + +So she let herself imagine Godfrey walking by her side with his arm +through hers--kissing her at the gate. After all, nobody would ever +know. It hurt nobody; it was all she would ever get. Then weakened by +her dreaming she actually did see Godfrey come forth from a clump of +dark elders and had not the power to walk straight on as she would have +done half an hour earlier. Instead, she stood still and looked at +him--disturbed, unhappy, yet with the dull bitterness suddenly gone. + +He was close to her before he spoke; then he said hurriedly: "I only +wanted to apologize for the other night. I hope you were not +offended?" But he knew quite well she was not: it was the urge of that +curiosity still burning within him which drove him to find out what she +had felt--how his kiss had left her--whether he had been able to reach +anything in her. + +"You didn't seem to be bothering much about me when you went through +into the promenade," she said at last. + +He was answered in part; the next moment she felt his arm through hers, +just as she had been dreaming on the road, only the reality had a +compelling magnetism which was beyond any dreams. "Let us go a little +way along the cliff," he said. "I want to speak to you. I want to +explain." He spoke excitedly, with a sort of jaded eagerness in his +tone; and though she knew her own unwisdom, she went with him. + +The turning towards the cliff was just beyond the Cottage, on the +opposite side of the road, and consisted of a gravel path that opened +out into a small space on the cliff top. It was a lonely spot, out of +the way of strolling visitors at that time of night: the bench in the +middle of the gravelled space lay empty in the luminous sea-twilight +with a great arch of sky overhead and the waves below catching a gleam +from moon and stars on every ripple. Though Thorhaven might not be +beautiful on a Gala evening, with futile little lamps and starved +visitors blown about by the wind, it had, on such nights as these, an +exquisite, cool beauty which appealed to the spirit as well as the +senses. + +As they sat down, Caroline could feel his fingers trembling on her arm; +suddenly his kiss struck hard on her lips and her head fell back so +that he could see the dark rims of her eyelashes. "Ah! You're in it +too--you're in it too," he murmured triumphantly--caring for nothing +but that triumphant knowledge. + +She knew what he meant--they were both in it. Their oneness enveloped +her in a cloud of rapture. Then she jerked herself out of his embrace. +"No. No. I can't have you kissing me. It isn't fair to take your fun +out of me when you're going to be married directly. I don't know how +you can want to do it." + +He jumped up without speaking and walked towards the cliff edge. "Good +God!" he burst out. "You don't imagine I _want_ to be in love with +you! I'm in hell--hell! Whatever I do, I see your face. It's beyond +all reason----" He stopped short, amazed and enraged by this strange, +biting curiosity which made him mad about a girl who was nothing--who +was not even really pretty. What could influence men in this +way--driving them to insane acts for the sake of some one woman out of +all the millions? There must be something not yet understood. +Suddenly he dropped on to the seat, holding his head in his hands. "I +don't know what on earth I am going to do," he said. + +She looked at him--so helpless in his passion--and the protective +instinct of a real woman for her man began to stir in her: so, in spite +of her own pain, she tried hard to find something to say that would +comfort him. "You--you'll get over it," she said, her voice shaking. +"It isn't as if you and I had been going together long, you know. +You'll soon forget me." + +"Don't!" he said sharply. + +She drew back offended. "Oh! All right." She rose with a sort of +dignity. "I think I'd better be going home. It must be getting late." + +"Now you're vexed." He peered at her--haggard-eyed in that curious +twilight from the sea. "Can't you see that everything you do and say +makes me want you more? If you'd only turned out a fool!" He drew a +long breath. + +"I must be going home," she repeated, moving away. + +He caught hold of her dress as she went. "Carrie, I can't let you go. +I can't do without you." + +"You'll have to," she said sombrely. "We shall both have to. There's +no help for it." + +He waited a moment, then the words seemed to come out of +themselves--despite him. "I'm not married yet, you know." + +She started. "You don't mean----" Then she backed away from him, the +silhouette of her slim figure very clear against the luminous +background of sea and sky--every line of it dragging at his +senses--hurting him with pity. "You know you couldn't do it," she said +after a pause. "We neither of us could. It would kill her. Besides, +I couldn't sneak another girl's man after the banns were up and the +cake bought--a girl who'd never done me any harm. I aren't so low down +as all that, yet." + +"Anything is better than marrying without love," he said, but he said +it half-heartedly. How was a decent man to throw over a charming +devoted girl to whom he was to be married in a fortnight, shaming her +before all her little world after he had sought and won her? He +thought of Laura's soft acquiescence with an agony of self-reproach and +impatience. Then he heard Caroline speaking again, her voice low and +clear with the murmur of the sea running in and out of it--he felt it +go to his heart. + +"It's too late to begin to think whether you'll be miserable or not +now," she said. "You made her fond of you. It was your own doing. +And you wouldn't get me if you did give her up. I'd no more take you +from her, now she's got her wedding-dress and all, than I'd stick a +knife into a baby sleeping in its pram. She worships you--can't you +see that? It would spoil all her life." + +"What about yours--and mine?" he said. "You don't really care for me, +or you couldn't talk like that." + +She looked away to the glimmering sea, not troubling to answer him. +What was the use? He knew. + +"Well, I'll be getting on," she said at last. + +But he found the hopelessness in her voice unbearable. + +"Carrie, we can't leave it like this," he said. "I can't do without +you; that's a fact. We must arrange something." He hesitated. +"You--you won't cease to be friends with me just because I'm married, +will you?" + +She moved so quickly out of the reach of his hand that she stood poised +on the extreme edge of the cliff. "What do you mean?" she said +fiercely. "Is that what you take me for? Then let me tell you I never +carried on with a married man in my life and never shall. You're as +good as married now. Leave me alone. You think you can talk to me +like that because I'm fond of you. But before I'd have anything to do +with those underhand ways, I'd jump over this cliff and have done with +it. I would, too. I aren't _that_ sort, you know--though I have +behaved like a silly fool." + +But her very defiance only gave his curiosity a keener edge, and he +moved towards her with his hand outstretched. "You won't get out of it +like that," he said. "Do you suppose I'm going to let you go now, and +never see you alone again? I will see you, or I'll chuck the whole +thing up to-morrow morning, come what may." + +She glanced at him sideways, temporizing: "I shall be meeting you, no +doubt." + +But he was not to be deceived. "You mean you have done with me unless +I break off my engagement. Very well. I'll do it." + +She shook her head. "That's nonsense," she said sharply. "You know +you can't do it." + +"It is only what you did yourself," he said sullenly. "You threw over +that young man I saw you with at the dance, and I don't suppose you +considered it a crime." + +They spoke as enemies, throwing the barbed words back and forth. + +"Of course I didn't." + +"But why not? It was the same thing." + +"No; that was quite different," she said. + +"I don't see it. Why different?" + +"Because----" She struggled: but suddenly her voice began to tremble. +"Oh, I didn't know what love was like then. But he never cared as Miss +Laura does. And I shouldn't have minded so much about her, if I hadn't +found out for myself----" She broke off. "Only three weeks from the +wedding. You couldn't do it, either. Not when it came to only three +weeks from the wedding, you couldn't. You know that as well as I do." + +"But you always say everybody ought to do the best for themselves. I +remember your saying so. What sense is there in spoiling our two lives +for the sake of a third?" he said, eagerly and yet heavily. "Why can't +you act up to what you believe in this instance, just as you did when +you threw over that young man?" + +She shook her head, looking at him through unshed tears. "I don't +know," she said. "But when it comes to, you can't do it. You know you +can't, either. If we were the weak sort, we might." + +He let fall her hand which he had been holding and sat down heavily, +almost with a groan, upon the wooden bench. It was true enough, what +she said. They were both better than their word. + +And yet it was not any hope of a future reward which sustained them as +they sat there side by side, not touching each other, while the +Flamborough lights swung out monotonously across the sea and the waves +washed up with regular beat upon the shore. They imagined they +believed this life to be probably all--and yet they did not seize what +they could get and let everything else go. It was because love +constrained them. They felt within themselves the stirring of their +own immortality. But they experienced none of the exultation of +sacrifice as they turned away from the cliff edge and walked silently, +glumly, towards the high road, she trying to wipe the tears away with +her fingers so that he should not notice. + +As they neared the gate of the Cottage, Godfrey said suddenly: "You +don't think I'm frightened of what people say?" + +She shook her head. "I aren't so silly as that." She hesitated, then +held out her hand. "It's good-bye, then." But her voice trembled +again, though she tried to keep it steady, and the next minute she was +in his arms, crying her heart out. + +"Caroline! What are we to do? What are we to do?" he said, the tears +hot in his own eyes. "I can't give you up. I can't live without you." + +She clung to him, not answering, and his mind darted back to the name +he had given her that first time he had his arm about her at the +promenade dance. A nymph on fire. There was something just so fresh +and cool about her in the midst of all her passion---- + +Then he felt her releasing herself gently, but with determination. +"What's the use of beginning it all over again?" she said. "You know +there's nothing to be done. I aren't that sort. And you aren't +either. Don't you know she's got the bride-cake bought, poor girl?" + +He could not speak. Her childish insistence on the wedding-cake having +been purchased was like a knife through his heart. If only he had left +her alone! + +"I deserve to be shot for letting you in for this," he said hoarsely. +Then he broke out again. "I can't stand it! I must break off my +engagement--whatever it costs and however she suffers. You're +suffering. And I am! Good God, I should think I am." + +But he spoke the last word to empty air--and the next moment he could +hear the click of the gate as she slipped away from him up the dark +drive. + + + + +_Chapter XV_ + +_The Cinema_ + +On Monday evening Caroline stood at the corner of Emerald Avenue, not +sure whether to go down it or not, for she had not visited the Creddles +since Mr. Creddle so ignominiously took her back to the Cottage at +midnight. + +While she was hesitating a cab-load of sunburnt children, accompanied +by a stout, jolly-looking mother, went by on their way to the railway +station. It was the beginning of that exodus which would grow more +general every day during the next fortnight until the season was over. +Already cards had appeared in one or two windows, and those who had let +their houses furnished for "August month" while they found shelter in +tumble-down cottages, tents or converted railway carriages, were coming +back--glad now the money was in their pockets that they had borne the +discomfort, though each year on departing they said "Never again!" A +sea-gull flew across the sky with the pink sunset on its outspread +wings, and below, the grey church stood in a tender haze against a +sheet of gold. But this peaceful time at the end of summer only +increased Caroline's restlessness. There was nothing she wanted to do. +She neither liked to walk alone, nor to find friends. + +So she stood there listlessly, trying to make up her mind whether she +should go to see Aunt Creddle or not; and as she did so a slim woman of +about forty who had been very pretty came down the Avenue. Caroline +remembered quite well what Mrs. Creddle had said about her. She had +gone into an office as typist instead of being in service like the +other sisters, and thought herself too fine for those who wanted her, +but was not fine enough for those she wanted. So one sister married a +farm labourer who became a prosperous farmer, the other did not disdain +a chimney sweep, and both now possessed houses and children and warm +places of their own in the world, while the prettiest still tripped +with a rather over-bright smile about the Thorhaven streets, aware of +really superior refinement, but not finding much comfort in it. + +She stopped to speak to Caroline--and without knowing why, Caroline +felt as if a cold wind out of the future had blown drearily across her +mind. + +"Waiting for Wilf?" asked the girl, smiling. "He must have missed you, +for I met him a minute ago. I suppose you are going to this new play +there is on at the Cinema." + +"Oh, I don't know," said Caroline vaguely. "I don't see much of Wilf +now. Lovely night, isn't it?" + +This was crude but sufficient, and the woman went on, leaving Caroline +once more aimlessly pondering. At last she began to walk slowly down +the Avenue to the Creddles' house, calling out at the door as usual: +"Hello, aunt!" + +Mrs. Creddle at once came out of the kitchen, her jolly face rather +anxious. "You never came near yesterday, Carrie. We couldn't think +what had gotten you." + +"I was busy at home when I wasn't at the prom.," said Caroline. "I've +come now to see if Winnie would like to go with me to the pictures." + +"Well----" Mrs. Creddle hesitated. "Your uncle was in a fine taking +on Thursday night. He seems to have an idea in his head that you were +with somebody you daren't speak about. But you'd never have aught to +do with a married man, I'm sure, Carrie." + +"Well, you may make your mind easy, aunt. The man I was with was +single. But I'm not going to say anything more about him. If I have +to be answerable to you and uncle for every young fellow I chance to +walk home from the prom. with----" + +"You know we don't expect that," said Mrs. Creddle, still a little +uneasy. "But I told your uncle I could trust you, and I do." + +"Where is uncle?" said Caroline, seizing on the nearest pretext for +changing the subject. + +"Oh, he's gone to the Buffaloes," said Mrs. Creddle; and though her +tone implied contempt and disapproval, it was but the natural prejudice +of all good women for an institution purely masculine. "They have a +Grand Council or some such rubbish to-night," she added; then she +raised her voice and called "Winnie!" and imparted the joyful news to a +little, rosy-faced girl whose eyes shone with ecstasy. To go to the +pictures--at night--and with Cousin Carrie--Life could hold no more, +and she sped off to change her frock, like an arrow from the bow. + +Caroline had turned away and was staring rather moodily out of the +window. Then she felt a hand on her arm. "Carrie, it wasn't young Mr. +Wilson you were with, was it?" Mrs. Creddle said in a low voice. + +In the involuntary start which followed the words she had her answer; +letting her hand drop, she turned an agitated face towards Caroline. +"Then you weren't after no good on Thursday night. Your uncle was +right. Oh, Carrie, how could you--with him going to be married in a +fortnight? I should have thought you would have more self-respect." + +Caroline swung round upon her, eyes ablaze. "Who told you I was with +Mr. Wilson? You don't want to listen to everything you hear in +Thorhaven, surely! And if I was, I was doing no wrong." + +"I don't know how you could, Carrie," repeated Mrs. Creddle. +"Trapesing about at night with Miss Laura's young man when you ought to +have been abed--and after the way she has always treated us all. Why, +the very frock Winnie is putting on now is made out of one of hers. I +should take shame to try and make mischief between her and her young +man, and with him going to be married directly." + +"Don't talk such rot, aunt. I have done nothing to be ashamed of," +said Caroline rudely, "and I've not set eyes on him since Thursday +night. You may talk about Miss Laura--but I owe her nothing. I've +paid all back, and more." She paused a moment, but pride, suspense, +emotion unnaturally repressed--all combined to betray her into saying +what she had never meant to say to any human being. "You think I've +behaved badly, do you? Well! I might have taken him away from her +altogether. He wanted to throw her over, only I wouldn't have it." + +"Oh!" Mrs. Creddle gasped; then went on in a low tone of apprehension +and unhappiness. "I didn't think it was as bad as that, Carrie." + +"Bad!" Caroline stared with genuine surprise at this reception of her +bomb-shell. "He wanted to _marry_ me, I tell you." + +Mrs. Creddle shook her head. "Poor Miss Laura! Well, I didn't think +he was that sort, but you never know." She paused, then said gently: +"My dear little lass, don't you know all men talk like that when they +want to make fools of silly girls? I don't suppose there's hardly a +girl gone wrong in Thorhaven but the man has sworn he wanted to marry +her. It's a trick as common as sin." + +"You don't know what you're talking about! You've lived among a low +lot in this terrace until your mind has got poisoned," cried Caroline, +maddened with anger and shame. "You're a wicked woman to have such +horrible thoughts. I'm telling you the truth. May I die to-night if I +aren't!" + +"Oh, Carrie!" said Mrs. Creddle, wincing as if she had been struck. +"How can you speak to me like that? I don't doubt you think it is all +true. I don't doubt he said he would throw her over and marry you. +But he didn't mean it. You never suppose he is going to give up Miss +Laura and all that money, to marry a girl that is nobody and has +nothing; I can't believe it! I never should believe it unless I saw +you with his wedding-ring on your finger." + +"You can believe or not, as you like," replied Caroline, regaining a +little of her self-control. "At any rate, you must swear to keep it to +yourself, or I will never tell you anything again as long as I live." + +"I shan't want to spread such news abroad, you may be sure," said Mrs. +Creddle. "But you must promise me not to trust yourself with him alone +any more, Carrie. You don't know men as I do, and he can't be up to +any good if he talks like that to you." + +"Oh, very well," said Caroline, looking out of the window. + +"I can see he's got hold of you," said Mrs. Creddle anxiously. "Oh +dear! I don't know what I am to do. I daren't tell your uncle, for +there's no saying what that would lead to. But you must be fond," she +continued, exasperated, "if you think he really wants to make you his +wife. Just fancy your marrying a relation of Miss Ethel's! Why, she'd +fall down dead on the spot!" + +"That wouldn't stop me," said Caroline grimly. "Lots of matches far +more unequal than that come off nowadays. But you may make your mind +easy. I aren't going to marry him--and I aren't going to behave in the +way you seem to be afraid of, either. Only I'll just tell you this, +aunt--I can never, never feel the same to you again after what you've +said." + +"Well, I can't help it!" answered Mrs. Creddle. "You'll come to thank +me some day, Carrie, and I suppose I shall have to wait for that." All +the same, the good woman's lip was trembling. + +But Caroline, angry and dry-eyed, went to the door and called in a +shrill voice: "Winnie! Winnie! Are you ready?" + + * * * * * * + +Once outside, however, in the broad evening light, with the cool wind +from the sea touching her face and the colours of the girls' bright +dresses on the road growing faint, like flowers in a garden at sunset, +Caroline began to feel somewhat less bitterly towards Mrs. Creddle. +She remembered that her aunt had been in service as a girl, and that no +self-respecting maid-servant of those days would have walked out late +at night with a man who was a relative of their mistress, nor would any +decent-living gentleman have suggested such a thing. But Aunt Creddle +forgot that she was a business girl--self-poised, making her own +position in the world as she chose. + +Still her pride continued to smart even when she reached the little +Thorhaven picture house. She sat down in the semi-darkness and fixed +her eyes mechanically on the screen before her, but very little of +Winnie's clear happiness communicated itself to her. After a while, +however, she did begin to feel less miserable, because no one can be +the cause of that rippling joy in a delighted child without being +touched by it a little. But her main feeling was relief. At last she +was free to be as utterly wretched as she liked. No one could peer +into her mind as she sat there, apparently enjoying herself; she was +wrapped in a secrecy so deep that no human being could touch even the +fringe of what she was thinking about, for Winnie's remarks were only +like the chirp of a bird on the window-sill when the window is closed. + +But beneath all her restless unhappiness she was still certain that +every word Godfrey said to her on Thursday night was sincere. A sort +of nobleness in her own love--despite the flippant beginnings of +it--made her able to believe that he had not considered money or +ambition any more than she had done. It was the defenceless kindness +of Laura herself which had conquered them both. They were unable +deliberately to deal her such a blow. + +But across her thoughts came the legend on the screen after the whirl +of moving figures. At first she followed the words without being aware +of them; when all at once they leapt into her consciousness with a sort +of shock. + +"I swear I want to marry you!" + +Immediately on that a man appeared on the screen with a girl in his +arms, but Caroline was not going to let her mind accept any possible +relationship between this story and her own. Then Aunt Creddle's +speech forced itself through the barrier she tried to put up and she +had to remember: "Men always talk like that, Carrie. Don't you know +that men always talk like that when they want to get over a girl?" + +She moved restlessly in her seat, turning to Winnie: "This is a silly +film." + +But she had to go on thinking about it. Supposing Aunt Creddle were +right? No, she couldn't be! + +The memory of Godfrey's face as he looked up at her on the cliff ledge +after she had refused him came back more vividly than the picture on +the screen. That was real. If she were to doubt him, she must doubt +the sea booming on the sands and the moon in the sky---- + +But if men did always say that? He might love her. She could not +believe that he felt no real love for her then. But could he be +wanting her love and everything else as well--like the man in the film? + +She remembered that at the beginning of the interview he had suggested +their being friends after his marriage. Could it be that he really had +that in his mind all the time? Did he somehow know--though he loved +her so then, and really meant what he said--that he was not going to +mean it twenty-four hours later? + +Suddenly she felt an overwhelming desire to ask him these questions. +She must know. She must have an answer. It was all very well to say +they would not meet again. When she said it she meant it most +sincerely; but there must be some sort of settling up before they +parted for the whole of their lives. It could not be cut off short +like that; just a kiss and running away down a dark garden. They must +for once know exactly where they stood before the shutter went up and +they could never truly look into each other's thoughts any more. + +She turned to the child, who sat wide-eyed and rosy-cheeked, staring at +the pictures. "I say, Winnie, I think we must be going home now," she +said. "It's getting late." + +She spoke gently, with a guilty consciousness of dragging Winnie away +from a rare treat; but her restlessness would not let her sit still +watching these changing, grimacing faces any longer. + +Poor Winnie looked a little crestfallen but cheered up under the +promise of chocolates, and a minute or two later they were outside in +the starlit night, tasting the salt freshness of the air. + +Caroline halted a moment, looking down, taking no notice of Winnie, +then she said abruptly: + +"We'll go by Beech Lane." + +"But that's so dark," pleaded Winnie, looking up anxiously, sensitive +as children are to the changed atmosphere when something goes wrong in +the mysterious grown-up world. + +"Oh no; not with the houses still lit up," said Caroline. + +"There's such a lot of trees. I hate them old trees," said Winnie +under her breath. + +But Caroline did not hear her, and the two walked on silently, side by +side, under the shadow of the large beech trees which formed an avenue +beside the pavement. They went so very slowly that Winnie asked if +Caroline were tired, but receiving no answer she plodded on, still full +of the vague puzzled discomfort which all children know, and which they +never speak of to any human soul. At last she felt the hand in her own +close nervously, and then two people emerged from a gateway in front of +them. + +"Oh!" she said, in her high little voice, "there's Mr. Wilson and Miss +Temple. They're going into the house. I like Miss Temple, don't you? +She gave mother----" + +"Hush!" interrupted Caroline, her whole being absorbed in watching the +couple who now stood together in the bright light which streamed from +the open door. + +"Coming in, Godfrey?" said Laura. Caroline could hear quite plainly +from her dark ambush under the beeches. + +Then followed a moment's silence, during which Caroline's heart beat so +loudly that it almost seemed to her as if they must hear the thump! +thump! thump! ever so far away, like a sound of drums beating. Then +Godfrey said: "Oh yes; I'll come in. It is only about half-past nine." + +She went first into the house, and he waited outside a moment with the +light streaming through the doorway full on his face. All at once +Caroline started to run--she must see him alone. She must speak to him. + +"Cousin Carrie!" piped Winnie. "You're hurting my hand! You're +hurting my hand!" But the door closed before they got across the road, +and they were alone in the dark lane. + +Caroline looked at that shut door, moved by an emotion which was not +only the outcome of the experience of the moment, but which was also a +part of her very flesh and blood. Her own mother. Aunt Creddle, Aunt +Ellen, generations of women before them--all had lived "in service" and +had watched the drama of life going on behind room doors which were +always closed lest "the servants" should hear or see. And so acute had +these senses become, sharpened by closed doors, that they always did +see and hear, though they did not in the least resent this attitude of +their employers, considering it just a part of the existing scheme of +life. + +But Caroline was different; and as she walked slowly along with Winnie +disconsolately trudging by her side, she had an angry sense of being +shut out from all sorts of things which she had as much right to +possess as any other girl. She hated that shut door--Laura and Godfrey +inside, and herself outside; then she thought how easily she could +destroy all that if she liked, and how Laura's easy, flowery courtship +was only possible because _she_ allowed it. + +Winnie spoke again and had to be answered; then Caroline went back to +the aching round of thoughts again. She wouldn't be put aside like +that--knowing nothing. She would give up, but she would not be left +outside, guessing what was going on behind closed doors. + +She tramped along, dull, dry-eyed, assailed by a strange feeling that +she belonged nowhere, neither to Aunt Creddle's sort, nor to Laura's; +yet all the time passionately aware that she was a "business girl" and +as good as anybody. + +Then there was Winnie again. Well, poor kid, she'd had no sort of an +evening---- "Look here, Winnie, I'll take you again next week and +we'll stop all the time." + +"Honour bright?" said Winnie. + +"Honour bright!" said Caroline. So Winnie cheered up, because she knew +Cousin Carrie did not break promises. + + + + +_Chapter XVI_ + +_New-Comers_ + +During the night the wind freshened, then for three days it blew half a +gale from the south-west. The sea was no longer a playfellow for +little boys and girls, but a monster whose white fangs gleamed through +the grey-blue water far out towards the horizon, ready to crunch the +bones of ships and sailors alike with a sort of roistering glee. + +A few visitors still fought their way up and down the promenade; and if +of a sanguine temperament, they shouted above the wind, as they passed +Caroline in the pay-box, that this really _ought_ to blow the cobwebs +away! But the furnished houses and apartments near the sea, where a +turn-up bed on the landing could not be obtained for love or money six +weeks ago, were now mostly empty. Even the visitors from Flodmouth who +had remained in Thorhaven because they were so near home, began to +think comfortably of lighted streets, theatres, cinemas, concerts--a +general settling down to their ordinary routine of work and play. + +When Caroline came out of the pay-box at the tea hour, she also +realized that the season was over. A sort of flat finality lay over +everything, despite the crispness of the air and the aromatic, clean +fragrance of the masses of sea-weed which had been torn from the floor +of the ocean in the storm and now lay drying on the shore. + +Well, that was all over. She said so to herself as she walked away, +feeling dull, resigned--it would be all the same a hundred years hence. + +She had not seen Godfrey since that night on the way from the cinema +when she and Winnie caught a glimpse of him from under the dark shadow +of the trees, therefore it was plain that he must be avoiding her. He +knew her hours at the promenade, and could easily have said a word in +passing through even if he did not wish for anything more. He had +taken her at her word; but being a woman, the desire to talk everything +out grew during those three long stormy days to an agony of +exasperation which was almost worse to bear at the moment than the loss +of Godfrey himself. + +After passing out of the promenade she came back again, saying to +Lillie over her shoulder that she would go home by the cliff because +she had a headache and a blow would do it good. She told herself the +same thing. But beneath all that she was eagerly aware that Godfrey's +lodgings lay in that direction. As she went down the terrace she could +see the windows all open and the landlady moving about inside with a +duster. For a moment she stood perfectly still, experiencing that +sensation of physical sickness which comes from sudden emotional +disappointment. She did not think at all, only suffered under the +maddening frustration of her desire to have it all out with Godfrey +once more before they finally parted. The waves and the sky did not +exist for her, though they would always give dignity to the memory of +what passed between Godfrey and herself that night on the cliff top. +For while the seaside accords with frothy impermanence in love as no +other background seems able to do, it is because those playing at +passion feel subconsciously how little their light loves matter in face +of that unchangeableness. Caroline stood there until she recovered +herself; then the landlady came to shake the duster from the window and +she walked slowly towards the Cottage. + + * * * * * * + +The ladies were already seated at tea when Caroline opened the front +door. Miss Ethel at once rose from the table with a dish of jam in her +hand. "Caroline's tea," she said briefly. + +"But you have not taken any yourself," objected Mrs. Bradford. "And I +must say I don't see why Caroline should have it when our stock is +getting so low." + +"We promised to board and lodge her properly in return for her service, +and I'm going to do it," said Miss Ethel with a tightening of the lips. + +"Well, no one can say she has done her fair share of the bargain; at +least, during the last few days," said Mrs. Bradford. "She seems in a +sort of dream. Here! give me a bit more of that jam before you take it +away." + +"Caroline has never forgotten to bring my morning tea once since I was +ill," said Miss Ethel. "But she certainly does not seem herself now. +I don't know what is the matter with her." + +"Got her head full of young men, no doubt," said Mrs. Bradford. "It +makes some girls like that, of course." + +She glanced instinctively at her husband's picture, speaking as one +having first-hand information on all amatory matters. + +Miss Ethel went into the kitchen where Caroline was already lifting the +kettle from the fire; but when the girl turned round, her face looked +so queer and drawn despite the colour which the wind had whipped into +her cheeks, that Miss Ethel felt sorry. Still, the barrier of "the +room door" had not been more immovably established in the consciousness +of Aunt Ellen and Aunt Creddle, than the iron law of not "talking to +the servants" in the minds of Miss Ethel and Mrs. Bradford. They had +been so trained in the idea--though, it only became general about a +hundred and fifty years ago--that when Miss Ethel now wanted to speak +of Caroline's unhappy looks as one simple, ordinary human being to +another she could not manage to do it. She meant to be kind and yet +was obliged to assume the tone and manner--throwing her voice +flute-like, as it were, across a gulf neither must cross--which her +mother had always employed in speaking to the servants. + +"Oh! Caroline," she said, placing the jam on the table. "I thought +you might like some of this for your tea. It is very stormy out +to-night, is it not? I hope you have not caught cold?" + +She had a habit of beginning that way--"Oh! Caroline"--when she +intended to give an order or make a request. + +In making her perfunctory reply, Caroline never imagined for one moment +that her own healthy appetite was often satisfied at Miss Ethel's +expense. She had bargained for food, and food was there; and there was +an end of it. But the front-door bell rang, and something in Miss +Ethel's expression did then pierce her self-engrossment. + +"Is anything the matter, Miss Ethel?" + +"No, no." Miss Ethel stood there, pressing her thin hands +together--striving to speak calmly. "It is only the people to look +over the house, I expect." Then she turned round and walked with her +head erect across the hall. + +The door opened to disclose a short, thin, alert man with a taller, +well-nourished woman in handsome clothes, wearing a thick coating of +scented powder on her full cheeks and thick nose. Over her whole +person was written in characters for all to read the consciousness of +having plenty of money. It was new to her, and never for a moment +could she forget it; while her husband also fed _his_ satisfaction in +having plenty of money every time he looked at her. And yet they were +not unkindly people; ready to do a kindness if it did not take away +from them any of the luxuries, pleasures, delightful enviousness in +others less successful, which gradually would give them atrophy of the +soul. + +So they thought good-naturedly enough, that though the old girl looked +a bit frosty and forbidding, that was no wonder--it must be a nasty jar +to have to turn out of a house where you had lived so many years. And +they made every allowance for the somewhat ceremonious manner in which +she conducted them through the rooms. + +"Ah yes; when I used to see you come into the front seats at the +Flodmouth concerts with your respected father, and me in the shilling +gallery, I little thought---- But it's one down and the other come up +in these days, Miss Wilson. Same all the world over." + +"Look, William!" said the wife, jogging her husband's arm. "That's a +beautiful old bureau." Then she turned to Miss Ethel. "I dare say you +have a lot of old furniture here that will be too big for your little +house. Couldn't we offer to relieve you of some of it? I could do +very well with that bureau and no doubt other things besides." + +William whipped out his pocket-book. "Yes, Miss Wilson, you just say +what you want to part with, and I'll have the lot valued by anybody you +like. Pity to let the things go out of the house." He paused, +suddenly noticing the grey shade on Miss Ethel's face: then added +encouragingly: "You're quite in the fashion, you know, Miss Wilson. +Everybody's doing it, from dukes downwards." + +"Of course," said Miss Ellen. [Transcriber's note: Ethel?] + +Mrs. Bradford sat stolidly silent, taking no part in the affair, not +even when the little man said in a low voice: "Deaf, I see. A great +affliction--a great affliction!" + +At last they had seen everything, and stood once more in the hall +before the open door. "Well, we came just as a matter of form," said +the husband. "Never do to buy a pig in a poke, you know! But we shall +go straight to Mr. Wilson and tell him we have decided to buy. You may +make your mind at rest about that. Of course, there is a good deal to +be done inside. But what I say is, it is a gentleman's house." + +Then the wife said, glancing through the open door. "Oh! by the way, +Miss Wilson, we wondered if you would mind our man coming in one day to +dig up the privet hedge? You know labour is so difficult to get in +Thorhaven, and we happen to have a man engaged for another month; so +perhaps you----" Her voice trailed off into silence, for she was a +little abashed by that look in Miss Ethel's pale eyes. "It won't look +so pretty, of course, but it will let light and air into the house." + +"Oh yes," said Miss Ethel, smiling with strained lips. + +Then they went down the drive, leaving her there in the doorway staring +at the privet hedge. Over the hedge, a fire had just been lighted in +the scarcely completed bungalow, so that the white smoke streamed like +a flag from the tall chimney, just moved a little from the south so +that it swung over towards the Cottage. A week or two more and the +hedge would be down. There would be no barrier at all between this +quiet garden and all those rows of houses which had been marching on, +nearer and nearer, ever since the first one was built. As Miss Ethel +stood there, she felt beaten. She knew at last, what she had fought so +hard not to know, that the powers against her in the world were too +strong--that her opposition was ridiculous and futile. Nothing that +she could ever say or do would make the slightest difference. + +She returned to the room where Mrs. Bradford was sitting. "They will +be sending some one to take up the hedge in a few days," she said. + +"You don't mean it!" exclaimed Mrs. Bradford, startled into animation. +"Oh, what a thing it is to be without a man in a matter like this! I +know my dear husband would never have allowed it." + +But Miss Ethel was at the window again, quietly looking out. "They say +it will let light and air into the house. It won't look so pretty, but +it will let light and air into the house." + +Then they ceased speaking for the moment because Caroline had come into +the room to take away the tea-tray; but before she had closed the door, +Mrs. Bradford began again, still for her excitedly: "Ethel! Mrs. +Graham ran in for a minute while you were upstairs, and she says Laura +Temple's wedding is put off." There came a sudden crash of crockery +just beyond the door. "Caroline!" cried Miss Ethel, "have you let the +tray fall?" + +Caroline did not answer at first; then she said in a low voice: +"There's nothing broken, Miss Ethel." + +But she did not move away--only forced her hands to hold the tray +steadily so that they should not know she was there. The next moment +she heard Miss Ethel cross the room and was obliged to go back to the +kitchen. + +There she stood washing up over the sink, seething with a conflict +which almost maddened her. The old habit of Aunt Creddle and Aunt +Ellen--grown into an instinct in course of generations--to guess, and +listen for chance words, and piece together any drama that was going on +"in the room" because their own lives were so circumscribed, fought +with her own free impulse to return openly and ask the plain question: +"Do you know why Miss Temple's engagement is broken off?" + +The conflict made her feel terribly over-excited and nervous; but she +had one over-mastering reason for not obeying that impulse to ask a +direct question--she was afraid lest these two women might see she was +in love with Godfrey. Then she happened to glance at the clock, and +saw she was already late for the promenade; but as she hurried down the +drive she heard the whistle of a railway engine and stood perfectly +still just as if some one had called to her. But that was the +five-twenty-five train, of course. That by which Godfrey invariably +returned when he had spent the day in the city, was half an hour later. +If she waited outside the station until it came in, she would be +certain to see him. He _must_ speak to her then. This maddening agony +of uncertainty and suspense would be over at least. + +But as she hurried along to the station with the moist west wind in her +face, she saw--behind those engrossing thoughts--the other girl waiting +angrily to be released from the pay-box. Still, that didn't matter to +Caroline. Nothing mattered in the world, but getting that talk with +Godfrey. For she had reached a point now, when all these business men +and shopping ladies who began to flow past her from the +platform--drawing their scarves closer, and buttoning their coats as +they merged into the cool, salt air after the warmer atmosphere of the +city--seemed no more to her than flies buzzing round a path she was +bent on following. + +Wilf came past, taking long strides and wearing a new hat which he +removed slightly; giving a sideways, condescending nod which said as +plainly as words: "If you're waiting for _me_, miss, it's no go!" + +But though she nodded in return, she was not actually aware of him. +Her heart beat unevenly and she felt a suspense which ran through every +nerve and every vein--she had no feeling beyond it. Her face was ashen +as she stood by the entrance to the station, with the breakers beyond +looking cruel in the cold light. Her eyes shone black, owing to the +pupils being so distended, but she appeared pinched and quiet as she +stood there, at the edge of the crowd, for her whirling emotions had +now reached that point which looks like stillness. + +All of a sudden the blood rushed up over her forehead, and she +instinctively put her hand to her heart because it seemed to be leaping +out of its place. Here was Godfrey at last, walking with another man. +She moved forward and stood directly in his way, so that he must see +her. "Good evening," he said, then continued his conversation with the +broad, prosperous-looking merchant who walked by his side. + +Caroline remained planted there, staring after them with an almost +foolish expression on her face. She could not take it in. It seemed +incredible. Then the two men vanished round the corner, and at the +same moment she heard a girl saying in her ear: "Cheer up, Carrie! If +Wilf hasn't caught this, he will get the next. He isn't dead." + +"What do you mean?" said Carrie, but her voice sounded muffled and +vague, even to herself. + +"Why, you came to meet your boy, didn't you? And he hasn't turned up. +That's what you looked like, anyway," said the girl, laughing. + +Carrie made an immense effort to fight off that feeling of faintness, +saying jerkily: "Oh, well, I'm off with Wilf, you know." But the words +seemed to echo in some great, vague place a long distance away. + + + + +_Chapter XVII_ + +_The Benefit Concert_ + +During the evening and many hours of the night Caroline remained in a +white heat of anger and hurt pride which left no room for regret. It +was true, then, that Godfrey had only been behaving to her all the time +as Aunt Creddle said gentlemen did behave to working girls upon whom +they bestowed their attentions. She'd been treated exactly like any +little ignorant servant girl waiting at a street corner for her young +man: just such a one as her aunts and her mother had been; and yet she +felt violently that she was different. In the middle of the night she +woke to find herself muttering: "I aren't going to stand it! I aren't +going to stand it!" Then she bit the sheet to prevent herself from +breaking out into a storm of weeping. She loved him so, but was no +longer certain of his love. She could give him up almost gladly if he +loved her and would always love her--but this was more than she could +bear. There seemed to her no paradox in that--it was just what she +felt. + +Then she saw his heavily cut face on the darkness, as he had looked +when he walked past her with that other man--both of them solid, +self-contained, out of her reach! And with that the cold wave of anger +swept over her again, overwhelming her. "I can't stand it! I aren't +going to stand it. He'd no right to treat me like that, as if I were +dirt beneath his feet. I'm as good as he is." + +So the conflicting thoughts went on during the night hours; all the +doubts and feelings which she had inherited, or had imbibed from the +Creddles, warring with her own independence and pride. A girl like +herself was good enough for any man. He'd no right to insult her by +passing her like that in the street when they'd kissed as they did on +the cliff top. She'd given him up, but she was going to be treated +properly--not like a girl who had done something of which they were +both ashamed. And again the helpless threat: "I aren't going to stand +it!" + +At last it was time to get up, and after a while to go down to the +promenade. She was by now so exhausted with emotion that she could not +feel any more and let her perceptions drift vaguely over outside +things. A bill was up on the road-side, announcing the Benefit Concert +for the band for that evening; another advertised second-hand tents and +folding chairs for sale, cheap. A girl told her about a tent that had +blown down the day of the gale, revealing a fat lady in a bathing +towel--behaviour of rude Boreas which seemed to have put an end to +bathing from tents for the season. Then a man came down the road with +a barrow, crying, "Meller pears! Fine meller pe-a-a-rs!" Caroline +bought some to take to Aunt Creddle, though she had had no definite +thought of going there when she started ten minutes earlier than usual, +but the ache of her exhausted emotion drew her subconsciously towards +the jolly, serene nature as a hurt child runs to its mother. + +The house door was open, so she walked straight in and put the pears +down on the table. But she did not kiss her aunt, because she +instinctively feared that the slightest breath of emotion might upset +her self-control. "I bought these off a barrow. Don't know if they'll +be sweet," she said. "Can't stop!" + +"Sit down a minute," said Mrs. Creddle. "You look fit to drop. Aren't +you feeling well, Carrie?" + +"Oh, I'm all right," she answered impatiently. "What's that you are +ironing?" + +"It's some curtains for Miss Temple. I was there ironing yesterday, +but didn't get these finished." + +Caroline sharply turned with her back to the kitchen, looking out of +the window. "Did they say anything about the wedding being put off?" + +"Yes. Miss Laura's got a chill. Something to do with her digestion. +She can't scarcely eat nothing." + +"Oh!" Caroline could not say another word. + +"Of course, it's hard on Mr. Wilson; but I think she's in the right on +it. No use going away to them grand hotels if you can't enjoy the +food," pursued Mrs. Creddle. + +"Did you--did you hear how long it was put for?" said Caroline. + +"Not exactly, as you may say," answered Mrs. Creddle. "Miss Panton +came into the kitchen while I was there, and she said delays was +dangerous. You know her way. She seemed to think it would be next +month." She paused, then added uncomfortably: "I was on pins and +needles for fear they might have heard about you and Mr. Wilson, +Carrie, you know--being about the lanes at night together, and that. +But I'm sure they hadn't." She paused again. "Well, I aren't sorry +you had a lesson that night you were locked out, Carrie. Your mother +and I had the same sort of temptations when we were out in +placing--though you mayn't think it. There was a young gentleman from +college in my last situation who begged me almost on his bended knees +to walk out with him, but I knew what that led to." She paused again. +"Cheer up, lass; it hurts a bit at the time, but it's all for the best. +Once bitten, twice shy." + +"You're always talking about what people did when _you_ were young," +said Caroline, turning away abruptly. + +"I know that. Things is very altered since my day," said Mrs. Creddle. +"But there's some things----" + +"I've no patience with people like you, aunt," said Caroline. "You +know everything has changed, and yet you go on expecting girls to be +the one thing that hasn't. It isn't common sense." + +She was flinging out of the kitchen, when Mrs. Creddle caught her up +and put a motherly arm about her. "Good-bye, my lass. You think +nobody's felt like you before about a young man, but they have." + +"I don't know what you're talking about. I've a bit of a head, but +that's all," said Carrie. + +After that she went away. But all the same she was a little +comforted--real, disinterested love being the one ointment that can +soothe tender hearts not yet cauterized by pain. + +So the day passed; then the next wore on towards evening, with no sign +of Godfrey. And all through the long hours, Caroline sat in the +pay-box looking out of her little window--small, set face, very pale, +and bright eyes intently watching--like some creature of the wild +behind a gap in the thick leafage. + +Now it was past sunset. The residents of Thorhaven had taken +possession of their town again and the few visitors who remained were +sprinkled about inconspicuously among the audience in the concert +hall--the dominant factor no longer. Caroline exchanged greetings with +many of her acquaintances who emerged from the seclusion entailed by +letting rooms or vacating houses, and now shook their feathers like +hens coming off the nest with the pleasant knowledge of a nest-egg +successfully achieved. "Pretty good season, considering," ran the +verdict; but the general mind was a happy one, in spite of a certain +feeling of exhaustion. "Pickles!" said Lillie's mother. "I give you +my word, Carrie, one lot ate cheese and pickles after the promenade +every night to that degree it fair curdles my inside to think of. But +as I say, each person's inside is their own. Live and let live, say +I." And the good woman hurried on to spend part of the proceeds of +this wise neutrality, her Sunday hat still quite like new from lack of +use, and a holiday spirit radiating from her rather worn features. + +Caroline had responded to all these greetings, but she was glad when +the concert began in the promenade hall and only a few stragglers +passed through the barrier at long intervals. Once more she was free +to resume that silent, intent watch which had occupied nearly the whole +day. + +But night was coming on fast now--with a heavy ground-swell and a wild +streak of orange on the western sky. Caroline never thought once of +the sea, and certainly was not conscious of being affected by it--she +was, in fact, not aware of it at all. Yet it was just because she did +most deeply respond to it that her affair with Godfrey was lifted for +her beyond the trivial into those regions where passion really has +dignity. That interview of theirs on the cliff top would have been +poignant for both if it had taken place in a dingy back sitting-room; +but something must have been absent--that unforgettable thrill which +comes when beauty is joined to great emotion. + +After a while, Caroline saw a woman leave the concert hall to cross the +promenade, which already gleamed darkly with rain-drops. As she went +through the turnstile she said: "I doubt we shall have a wet night." +Then followed a storm of applause from the hall. "There!" added the +woman, "I wish I could have stopped for the encore, but I had to get +away, though I was forced to squeeze past Miss Temple and her gentleman +on my way out. She does look bad, my word! Them that said it was all +a tale about her being ill, have only to look at her. Well, good +night." + +Caroline waited a moment, then thrust her head forward and peered round +the black space between her and the hall; and as she did so, her +likeness to some watching wild creature became intensified. Then she +withdrew her head, rose from her seat and came out of the pay-box, +looking over her shoulder. With light, quick steps she went round the +glass walls of the hall until she reached a place through which she +could see the occupants of the front seats. Just as she came to a +stand, seeking for Laura with heart throbbing and every pulse alert, +the singer returned to give the encore. + +The voice was long past its prime, but a window above had been opened +wide for ventilation and the song could be heard clearly enough. As +Caroline peered in vain through the glass dimmed by heat and human +breath, the sentimental words floated out over her head; and the heavy +organ-like accompaniment of the ground-swell made them more than ever +ephemeral. A few bars of music, sounding so thin and strange against +the booming of the sea, and then the next verse: + + Now we are young, + Life's meaning all grows clear, + Does he but whisper low: + "My dear--my dear!" + + +She pressed her forehead close to the glass, trying to keep back the +tears, for she despised crying. Then the singer began again--the clear +articulation almost all she had left: + + And if we part, + I shall not cease to hear + For ever in my heart: + "My dear--my dear!" + + +Caroline could not keep the tears back any longer. They would come, +and she wiped them away with her fingers as she walked away. But the +singer was evidently roused by applause to an extra effort, for the +voice gained for the moment some of the timbre of her triumphant youth, +and Caroline could hear more and more softly as she went farther off: + + When we are old + Some love-words disappear, + But this goes all the way; + "My dear--my dear!" + + +She did not see the sentimentality of the song because she liked it, +just as she liked the simple love-stories with bright covers; and she +had hardly time to dry her eyes before the band began to play God Save +the King, and the people to surge through the large gates which were +now set open. As soon as she could shut up the pay-box she slipped +away into the darkness of the promenade, to escape the crowd who went +mostly by the high road. A few steps beyond the north exit took her +into absolute solitude, but the rain which was already falling quickly +made her afraid of venturing far along the slippery path. The sea and +sky were all dark--no white breakers on the heavy swell and no stars in +the sky. She felt unutterably sad and deserted, standing there for a +moment before she turned up the little terrace which led to the main +road. But though she told herself that she was going this way because +she had been crying and wished to meet no one, she knew, behind that, +that she was lying to herself. She _had_ to know why she really came +this way, and what she meant to do, because she had an honest soul. + +Then she turned round and went up the uneven road between the dark +little houses in the terrace. Only one house still remained lighted +downstairs, though the upper blinds were nearly all illuminated from +within. Caroline's eyes were fixed on that one house as she went +along, and without allowing herself time to think she opened the little +iron gate. Then she paused a moment, glancing up towards the attic +bedroom where the woman with whom Godfrey lodged was already taking off +her tightly curled fringe, and the uncompromising corsets in which she +barricaded herself during the waking hours. + +With a long knowledge of Thorhaven ways Caroline gently turned the +front-door handle, and was not surprised to find the door left on the +latch against Godfrey's return. She entered very quietly, tip-toeing +down the passage, and went straight into the front room where stood +lamp, kettle and other preparations for a light meal. + +Caroline breathed hard as she reached the middle of the room, +experiencing the odd sense of having been followed by unknown dangers +which children know when they run down a long stairway in the dark. +But here she was safe. The lamp--the chair--newspaper--the little meal +set ready--all reassured her. Yet she was still standing, peering +bright-eyed here and there, when a quick step sounded outside, and the +next minute Godfrey hurried into the room. "You, here!" he said, +staring at her, greatly startled. "What's the matter?" + +"Nothing." She moved back towards the fireplace. . . . He had not +kissed her; he had not even held out his hand. "I aren't going to +stop," she said in a low tone. "I only wanted to know if--if your +wedding was really broken off for the reason they said. I felt as if I +must know. I--I thought perhaps she'd heard something about you and +me." + +"How should she hear anything?" he said. "The poor girl is ill enough, +as anybody can see. But she would come to this rotten concert to-night +in spite of all Miss Panton and I could say. She seems unable to keep +quiet." He paused and added jerkily: "I suppose you know we were to +have been married to-day?" + +"Yes." Caroline felt the room swim round her, but she clutched the +mantelpiece and kept quiet. + +"I came for a couple of umbrellas. She and Miss Panton are waiting +under shelter in the hall. I can't stay." He spoke abruptly, uneasily. + +"Oh, I won't keep you." She moved a step or two forward and swayed a +little, so that he was obliged to catch hold of her by the arm. The +next second he was clasping her close while they looked into each +other's eyes with a burning curiosity that must at all costs be +satisfied. "Do you love me still? Do you love me still?" And yet +there was absolute silence in the room while the question was asked and +answered. + +"Oh, I don't mind now," sobbed Caroline. "I don't mind now. It was +only when I thought----" + +"Hush!" said Godfrey, moving away. "What's that?" + +"It sounds like Miss Armitage coming down," said Caroline, hurrying +towards the door. "I'll slip out as quickly as I----" She drew back. +"Oh!" Then pulled herself together as the landlady in curled fringe +and long grey ulster entered the room, primming long, thin lips. + +"Oh! Good evening, Miss Raby," said the woman. "I'm sorry if I +intrude. I heard voices down below and I didn't know who it might be. +I wasn't aware, Mr. Wilson, you had visitors." + +"No more have I," said Godfrey lightly. "Miss Raby has just come with +a message from Miss Wilson. I suppose you can't lend her an umbrella, +Miss Armitage? I have to hurry away to the promenade with both mine. +Miss Temple and Miss Panton are waiting for me there." He turned to +Caroline. "I'm afraid I must hurry away. Good night." + +As he went off. Miss Armitage said somewhat grudgingly: "If you wait a +minute, I dare say I can find you an old umbrella some visitors left +here in the summer." + +"Please don't bother. I'm neither sugar nor salt," said Caroline +pleasantly. "Good night, Miss Armitage." + +And her happy tone was not all put on; because though the tangle and +bitterness would come back again before the morning, she could realize +nothing in the world now but the triumphant answer to that question she +had wanted to ask during all those hours when she looked at the waves +without seeing them and heard their moaning only inside her heart. + + + + +_Chapter XVIII_ + +_Uprooting_ + +Mrs. Bradford and Miss Ethel came out of the Cottage and walked through +the garden in which--on so many windy, sunshiny mornings--they had done +a little weeding or planting before they went to shop in the long +street, where everybody knew them and everybody treated them with +respect. "Yes, Miss Wilson. I'll be sure to let you have the middle +cut, ma'am. Beautiful day for the time of year." But now there was a +"Take it or leave it" attitude which grated very much on Miss Ethel's +susceptibilities as she gave her small orders, and she felt thankful +there was no shopping to be done on this particular morning. All the +same, the errand on which she actually was bent made the way as painful +to her as if she had been treading on sharp stones. + +"I think Godfrey might have gone over the house with us, as he +promised, instead of just leaving the key," she said. + +"Did Caroline take the key in? I suppose there was no message?" said +Mrs. Bradford. + +"No: she said not. I asked her." Miss Ethel paused. "I thought there +was something rather funny in her manner." + +"What! You don't think there is anything in what the Grahams said?" +exclaimed Mrs. Bradford, speaking far more alertly than usual. + +"Of course I don't," said Miss Ethel. + +"But Mr. Graham is sure he saw Godfrey go up to Caroline at the Gala on +the promenade the minute our backs were turned. It was when he went +back to buy those air-balloons for the children at the Home and he +happened to look round." + +"Well, what is there in that? I don't say he is by any means my ideal +of a young man," said Miss Ethel. Then she added after a pause: "You +must not dream of mentioning the subject to Caroline. It is not our +affair." + +They walked a few paces in silence, aware that they could not afford to +send Caroline away even if she were a bad girl, and yet shamed within +themselves by the knowledge. + +"The Grahams seemed to think Godfrey has had serious money losses," +remarked Mrs. Bradford at last. "Lucky he had Laura's money to fall +back on." + +"Well, I think she is lucky in having him to make the most of her +capital," said Miss Ethel. "He has a wonderful head for business. Any +difficulties that he may have will be only temporary." They were both +talking without heeding particularly what they said, nervously +engrossed by the errand on which they were bent. + +But at last they turned the corner of Emerald Avenue, and the blank +fact had to be faced. "That is our house, then. Number fifteen," said +Miss Ethel. + +So they went through the little iron gate, and an old man came hobbling +across the street to speak to them. "Good morning, ladies," he said in +a high trembling voice. "I hear you're going to live here. I hear my +darter's a-going to have you for a neighbour. Well! well! Who'd +a-thought it?" + +His intention was kindly, but his manner showed a sort of triumph +underneath: it was in some way gratifying to him that Miss Ethel, who +used to give him tobacco and other little comforts, had come down to +the same level as his daughter. Not that he had received anything +lately, because Miss Ethel had nothing to give, while his son-in-law +made good wages and his daughter let rooms. At any rate Miss Ethel +missed the power to give far more than he missed the tobacco; and that +from no desire to patronize--though perhaps she did like the gratifying +glow of that feeling a little--but because of the real goodness and +generosity at the bottom of her nature. + +"I'm sure we shall be glad to have such good neighbours," she said +pleasantly. + +"Yes, yes. My darter's family wants for nothing. They've gotten one +of these 'ere gramophones an all," chuckled the old man. "You'll hear +it through the wall and it'll mebbe cheer you up if you feel dowly. +But it's hard moving at your time of life." + +Then he went off, chuckling and muttering to himself, and Mrs. Bradford +and Miss Ethel walked up the tiny path to the house which was to be +their home for the rest of their lives. But before they reached the +door it opened from within, and there stood Laura Temple. She was +smiling, and yet her kind eyes were bright with tears which she could +scarcely keep from falling--for the two ageing women looked somehow so +forlorn in the bright sunshine on the threshold of all this +strangeness. But after the briefest pause Miss Ethel relieved the +situation by saying briskly: "So you have opened the windows. Now that +was good of you." + +"Oh, Nanty did that. She's here, too," said Laura. Then they all went +through the narrow passage into the front room. + +"There is only one corner where I can have my chair," said Mrs. +Bradford immediately. "Laura dear, those who lead an active life can't +understand how important it is for anyone like me to have a chair in +the right place. But you have not been well yourself. I can quite +understand your not wanting to go away on a honeymoon when you are not +feeling well. I shall never forget having a bilious attack on my own +honeymoon. I would always recommend a small medicine chest as part of +the wedding outfit--sore-throat remedies and gregory powder, and so on. +My dear husband said that, so far as he was concerned, biliousness did +not destroy romance; but there are bridegrooms and bridegrooms, and you +never know until----" + +"We'd better begin measuring the floor," interposed Miss Ethel +uneasily, anxious to cut short this unusual loquacity on the part of +Mrs. Bradford, which she knew to be caused by the general upset of +looking forward to an entire change of place and routine. "Don't you +think the old dining-room carpet will do very well here?" + +She opened the room door suddenly to discover Miss Panton just outside +suppressing her emotion with a handkerchief pressed to her lips. Now +she was obliged to let it finally escape in a sort of whoop. "Oh! +Excuse me. I can't help it! It's the thought of you here," she said +excitedly. "I know silence is golden, but there are tibes---- And to +see Miss Ethel going round on her hands and dees with a tape beasure as +if it was only an ordinary spring cleaning----" Never had the catarrh +been so marked and so marked in its effects on her m's and n's. + +"Nonsense! We shall be quite comfortable here and much less work to +do. Thousands of richer people than ourselves are having to move into +smaller houses," said Miss Ethel; but she was touched all the same. + +"I'm not sure my chair will stand in that corner," said Mrs. Bradford, +going back to her great preoccupation. "I must measure it. I do wish +I had it here." + +"I can easily run and get the measurements," said Laura. + +"You're sure it won't upset you," said Miss Panton. "You know you +ought to take care." + +"Of course not," said Laura. "I'm nearly all right again." + +But she stood facing the strong light which fell through the +uncurtained window, and her face looked very pale beneath the tan; it +had the queer bleached appearance which is observable in such +complexions even while the healthy brown and red still remain. There +were dark marks underneath her eyes, too, which accentuated the faint +lines near the mouth. Miss Ethel, glancing across at her was struck +for the first time by the fact that Laura was not a young girl any +more, though the effect of girlishness produced by her figure and the +poise of her head still remained. + +Then she went away to measure the chair, while Miss Ethel wrote some +figures in a little book and remarked that she would now go up to the +front bedroom. + +"Then I'll just stay where I am," said Mrs. Bradford. "There is +nothing for two to do, is there? And you know my legs, of course----" +She did not trouble to be more explicit, because her unusual garrulity +was dying down now Miss Panton and Laura had gone, and she knew Ethel +would be reasonable enough to understand that the legs of a married +lady could not be expected to go up and down stairs as easily as those +of a spinster. + +Miss Ethel herself so belonged to the generation when a married woman +was necessarily on a different and higher level than an "old maid," +that though she knew her sister in many ways to be a fool, she yet +bowed to the unassailable superiority of the widow. She really did +feel that the useless legs of her widowed sister were more worthy of +consideration than her own unwedded limbs as she trudged upstairs. + +When she spread the measuring tape across the floor in front of the +window, her glance wandered for a moment to the house opposite where a +fat woman in an untidy blouse was standing in the doorway laughing and +talking with the milkman. A small child dragged a noisy cart along the +pavement, eating at the same time a large piece of Yorkshire pie. Then +a second woman opened the next door and joined the fun. They were all +jolly together, self-satisfied. They had done well, and were relaxing +after the rush of the season; but they seemed very far away from Miss +Ethel as she looked out of the window. + +Still she never thought of envying them their jollity and +self-satisfaction. Deep in her heart she knew she would rather be +herself with nothing, than such as they with everything. She had only +a vague sense of uneasiness, which was deepened by the sound of the +gramophone next door grinding out "Home, sweet Home." For her sake the +old man--who lived with his daughter during the winter when lodgers +were few--had sinned against the law which prohibited his use of the +new gramophone. This was partly because he really wanted to cheer Miss +Ethel, and partly because he realized his daughter's good fortune +better when he thought of the ladies listening to him through the wall. + +But Miss Ethel's attention was soon distracted, for a baby wailed in +the house on the other side, and a fish cart went past ringing a loud +bell to warn the women to run out with their dishes. The bell was +harsh in tone, filling the street with clamour, and when the cart +started again after a purchase the bell pealed afresh each time. It +was some time before the desire of Emerald Avenue for the harvest of +the sea was satisfied, but in the comparative silence which at last +ensued, Miss Ethel pressed her hand to her forehead as she rose dizzily +from her knees. For a moment or two the house opposite looked blurred, +then the haziness passed off, and she saw the road lying empty in the +grey light--the lace-curtained windows, the sideboard with a mirror +back on the far side of the room, even the vase of faded flowers. + +But despite the minute definiteness of it all, she had a most queer +feeling of unreality. She told herself that this would probably be her +home until she died, and that there was nothing to complain of--she +ought to be ashamed to complain. But the words which were forming on +the surface of her thoughts seemed to have no relation whatever to +anything going on underneath. She could not, or would not try to see +deep down, because that odd sense of unreality rather frightened her; +but something rose up like an emanation--a presentiment, she would have +called it, had she allowed herself to do so. But the whole idea of her +living here seemed so pervaded with bleak unreality, as she stood there +looking out of the window, that it seemed to be wiped out of the scheme +of actual human happenings. Then from that under-swirl of feeling rose +one definite thought: "I shall never live here." + +She turned abruptly from the window, bracing herself by saying aloud: +"Bless me! I'm getting like the old women in Back Hoggate. I shall +soon be counting my ailing relatives over if a spark flies out of the +candle." But even this comparison of herself with the superstitious +inhabitants of the oldest part of Thorhaven did not drive away that +unpleasant feeling, and she felt relieved by the sound of a human voice +calling up the stairs: "Miss Ethel! I've brought the key. And I have +put your lunch ready, and left the kettle on. I thought you might be +glad of a cup of tea." + +The voice, fresh, confident, full of abounding vitality, dispelled +those queer sensations of Miss Ethel's. She came to the top of the +stairs and thanked Caroline, for she had learned that she could no +longer take good and willing service for granted. The extent, indeed, +to which she had been bowed by circumstances, showed in her anxious, +almost humble manner, as she hastened to add--despite her annoyance +about the gossip concerning Caroline and Godfrey: "I hope you found the +small beef-steak pie I left for your dinner? I forgot to tell you it +was in the safe." + +"Oh, I got all I wanted, thank you," said Caroline, adding as she went +again down the passage: "I'll come straight in, Miss Ethel." + +For she had felt very sorry for these two women as she busied herself +about the house all the morning, doing her best to make things cheerful +against their return. But on the way here, a few minutes ago, she had +met Laura Temple on the road, and that put everything else out of her +mind. She actually held her breath as they approached, wondering what +would happen. If Laura had heard any of the gossip that was about the +town her salutation--supposing she gave one at all--would be different. + +But her pleasant "Good morning, Miss Raby," was just the same as usual; +and though there might be a stiffness about Miss Panton's greeting, +that lady never had been cordial. + +But the brief encounter had left Caroline disturbed, confused, +breathless--as if she had been running too fast for her strength. Her +knees shook under her as she went on her way towards Emerald Avenue, +though she looked just as usual--able to exchange a chaffing word with +a boy of her acquaintance. For she, no less than other human beings, +would be obliged to go through the tremendous crises of her emotional +existence in the street, or at a party, or in a tram-car--her real self +kept close, enshrouded by that strange cloak which hides every man from +his neighbour. + +Still it was obvious that Laura knew nothing. The marriage really had +been put off for the reason stated. No one could doubt that who saw +Laura's face even casually in the street. + +Caroline had nearly reached Emerald Avenue when it occurred to her that +Laura was probably going to the Cottage and would need her key. But +she could not run after her with it. She felt a physical revulsion at +the bare thought of speaking to a girl who was engaged to +Godfrey--talking to him--receiving his kisses---- + +It had seemed almost easy, that first night on the cliff top, to behave +decently about it all. But then everything had turned different. She +could scarcely realize now how it had then seemed so clear, so entirely +possible at once to give him up, and to be always certain of his love. +The difficulties and confusions all came afterwards. + +She told herself once more as she walked along that Godfrey could not +possibly be such a cad as to throw over a poor girl who was crazy about +him just before the wedding day, nor could he be meeting another girl +on the sly at the same time. + +And yet the sick trembling brought on by the sight of Laura remained +until she reached Emerald Avenue. She had no room in her thoughts for +the sorrows of others when she arrived with the key. + + +Miss Ethel came down directly she left, having finished measuring the +floors; and after a while Laura came back to say that she had stupidly +forgotten when she met Caroline on the way to ask her if the house were +locked, so that she and Miss Panton could not get in, of course. She +thought it strange that Caroline had not mentioned the key, as she had +it in her hand; and after wondering about this a little they all went +away, walking together to the end of the street. Here the ladies from +the Cottage turned off towards the north, and when they had gone a +little way in silence, Miss Ethel said: "Flamborough looks very clear +to-day. We shall have rain." For she hoped by starting this subject +to turn her sister's slow-moving thoughts away from the new house. She +felt just then that she simply could not endure to discuss it. + +But Mrs. Bradford did not want to talk about Flamborough. + +"I do wish," she said, "Laura had got the measurements of my chair. I +am afraid there may not be room for it on that side of the fire----" +So all the way home, at intervals, she kept bemoaning the possible lack +of space for her chair. + +Miss Ethel felt very tired. But at last they reached the gate of the +Cottage, and as they walked up the drive they saw that a man was at +work taking up the privet hedge. He was doing it badly, mauling the +fine roots in a way that made Mrs. Bradford for once almost energetic +in her annoyance. + +"Don't look! I can't bear to look at our poor hedge," she said, +turning her head away. + +Miss Ethel's glance rested indifferently on the man and the partially +destroyed hedge. "What does it matter?" she said, and walked on to the +front door. + +"You mean, because we shall not be here?" said Mrs. Bradford uneasily, +for even she felt there was something a little uncomfortable in her +sister's voice and look. + +But Miss Ethel's glance passed over the neat little lozenge-shaped +leaves which lay torn from their place but still clinging to the +branches, almost with indifference: then she went straight into the +hall, making no reply, and Mrs. Bradford followed slowly, filled with +the dull discomfort of the cat turned out of its basket. Her feeling +was different from Miss Ethel's--less acute--but she was not in the +least consoled by her vague knowledge that she was sharing this +experience with thousands of middle-aged men and women all over Europe. + + + + +_Chapter XIX_ + +_A Windy Morning_ + +It was the last week of the Thorhaven season, and a gale from the +south-west tore across the little town, blowing away all the remaining +visitors--excepting a few barnacles who had moved into the cheap rooms +or furnished houses, and intended to stay for the winter. + +Miss Ethel heard the familiar sounds of windows rattling and chimneys +roaring as they do in an old house, but she was so used to them that +she never heeded; they formed part of the background of her life +without which, she vaguely apprehended, she would appear as baldly +incomplete as a figure cut out with sharp scissors from an old print. + +But as she stood there on the landing she became gradually aware of +another noise with which she was not familiar, for the simple reason +that Ellen had never set the maid's door and window sufficiently wide +open in a high wind to produce a gale rushing through the house with +such a flap and clatter of blinds and curtains. + +Miss Ethel frowned as she marched into the room for she saw the +casement window set wide, banging to and fro on the metal fastener. A +little more, and it would be blown clear out, to lie shattered on the +path below. But when she had closed it, she was suddenly struck by the +entire absence of that peculiar close odour which had always been +present when the room was occupied by the immaculate Ellen and her +predecessors. Now there was only the fresh feeling of salt air, +mingled with a very faint fragrance of violets which came either from +the soap or from the powder on the toilet table. A nail-polisher lay +on the looking-glass, hastily thrown down; and that also witnessed to +that bodily self-respect which Caroline shared with nearly all those +other girls in Thorhaven who would have been in domestic service ten +years ago, but now went daily to shops and offices. They meant to be +the equal of any girls in the world, and they began by being personally +"nice" in those secret ways, which are only apparent in the general +effect. You could meet them anywhere up and down--clear skins +sometimes too heavily powdered--bright hair--pink fingers with +delicately tended finger-nails. + +Caroline had gone off hurriedly that morning, because she wanted to do +as much housework as she could before leaving for the promenade. She +was sorry for Miss Ethel, who did not look at all well, though this +feeling was blunted by her pre-occupation with her own troubles--for it +had become quite plain that Godfrey was deliberately avoiding her. + +At this moment she was walking quickly along the road, head to the +wind; then, turning, found herself sheltered from west and south to +some extent by the houses opposite the promenade. But once in the +little pay-box she had to listen all day while the little window +rattled unceasingly, and the boards creaked as the gale swept across +them. + +The weather remained like that during the whole week, and Caroline was +on duty all day excepting for her meal-times. Occasionally a gleam of +sun touched the white crests of the breakers, but immediately +afterwards a sharp spatter of rain would drive in the faces of the few +who were tempted out. + +The hours seemed endless to Caroline as she sat there--listening to the +howl and rattle of the wind, and the roaring of the sea, without +knowing that she listened to them. But very gradually she began to +feel in her spirit the effect of that deep, endless booming, and of the +tremendous procession of the breakers that came on and on all day long. +It made her almost dizzy, but when she turned for relief to the land, +the promenade and the little town itself seemed only like leaves swept +together by chance for a moment on the edge of a torrent. A horrid +sense of the shortness of life assailed Caroline now, as it will +sometimes assail young people when they are dispirited. She felt that +cold breath from the immense spaces of eternity to which the young are +still sensitive. + +But the week would soon be over---- She consoled herself by that +thought as she sat before the little window knitting a woollen coat to +wear when she went to office in Flodmouth. Every now and then she +glanced drearily at the grey waves with the white crests, coming on and +on---- It was a rotten world, and she didn't care. What was the good +of it all, anyway? + +Then a subscriber passed through to the promenade; but her reply to his +remark about the weather was as mechanical as her release of the iron +turnstile. Directly he was gone she looked out to sea again, thinking +now of a girl who had been drowned farther along the coast not long +before. Well, she only wished the waves would come over the promenade +and take her with them, then she'd be out of it all. + +But she did not mean that really; because certain qualities she +inherited from her sturdy Yorkshire ancestors would always prevent her +from choosing the way of the neurotic. She would be brave enough to +live out her life, though she had ceased to expect happiness as a right. + +A sharp gust of rain on the window made her look down the promenade. +Now the stray figures would come scurrying through again to their homes +or lodgings, and she automatically prepared to release the turnstile +quickly to oblige people in haste. Then, with a little leap of the +pulses, she saw Aunt Creddle. It was Aunt Creddle, out at half-past +eleven on baking-day, with her print, working dress ballooning under +that old coat and the hair straggling over her face. Caroline jumped +up and ran out of the pay-box, her knitting still in her hand, the +shower of cold, sharp drops driving across her. + +"What's the matter?" she cried. "Has one of the children got hurt?" + +Mrs. Creddle so panted for breath that she could only sign with a +toil-scarred hand for Caroline to go back into shelter, but on reaching +a little protection from the wind she managed to gasp out: + +"Nobody's ill. There's nothing the matter. Not in a manner of +speaking. Can I come inside there?" + +Caroline took her arm and put her into the chair, then shut the door in +the side of the little wooden turret. They two seemed very close +together in the midst of the storm and wind. + +"Why, whatever made you come out like this?" said Caroline, removing +the wet cloak. "You must have wanted a job, aunt." + +Mrs. Creddle shook her head, her hand on her heart--for she was a stout +woman and upset by her tussle with the elements. "You may be sure that +it was something that wouldn't keep," she said at last. Then she burst +forth: "Carrie, your uncle has been to Mr. Wilson! He's been and told +him that if he ever catches you together again he'll break a stick over +his back. He lost a couple of hours this morning, and he went and told +him. Now he's gone to his work, and I come on here." + +"What!" gasped Caroline, her eyes black in a face as white as death. +"Uncle's dared to insult me by doing a thing like that? What made him +do it?" + +"He was at the Buffaloes last night, and when they came away he heard +one man say to another that you was Wilson's fancy lady----" She +paused and added in a low tone: "They said you'd been stopping out all +night." + +"Uncle knows I didn't," said Caroline, beginning to tremble. "What +beasts men are! Didn't uncle tell them?" + +"Oh yes; he told 'em right enough. But he come home in a fine rage, I +can tell you. He said he wasn't going to have no more of it: and I +believe he would have gone straight to Miss Temple--only she has always +behaved very decent to us, and he didn't like to make mischief, seeing +she is so set on the feller." + +"Why didn't uncle come to me?" said Caroline. "Why didn't you make +him, aunt?" + +Mrs. Creddle shook her head. "When you know as much about men as I +do----" + +"But what was his reason?" asked Caroline. + +"He said it was no good saying anything to you, because when a lass +gets feller-fond there's no doing nothing with her. He said he +couldn't use the strap to you now, but he wasn't going to have any lass +belonging to him talked about in that way." + +There was a moment's silence. "Did uncle tell you what Mr. Wilson +said?" Then she threw up her head. "But I expect he threatened to go +for uncle." + +"Go for him!" echoed Mrs. Creddle. "Not he. He only wanted to get +away and not have a scandal in the place." + +"I don't believe that," said Caroline. "Uncle can say what he likes, +but I don't believe that." + +"It's true, my lass," said Mrs. Creddle kindly. "I ran along to tell +you now, for fear you should come across Wilson or your uncle before +you knew. He promised on his honour to have naught no more to do with +you." + +"Did he?" said Caroline, her blazing eyes very near to her aunt's in +that tiny place. "Then he is a day too late for the fair--and uncle +too. You may tell uncle that. I haven't seen Mr. Wilson for ten days +or more, and I'll never enter uncle's house again as long as I live." + +"You mustn't talk like that, honey," said Mrs. Creddle. "Uncle took it +to heart because he thinks such a lot of you. But you'll soon find +some nice young feller in your own station of life next time: don't go +hankering after a gentleman, my dear. You would never get one of the +best sort, and the other sort's no good to you." She sighed. "But you +always had high notions, Carrie, though I don't know where you get them +from. I suppose they're going about." With that Mrs. Creddle opened +the little door of the pay-box, and let in a blast of air that nearly +blew her hat from her head; then she hurried down the wind-swept road +in order to get her husband's dinner ready before that already +irritated breadwinner should return. + +But Caroline sat down again on her chair and threw open the little +window so that the salt air could blow across her face. She did not +want to cry, because at any minute some one might want to come through +the barrier; but after a minute or two she had no fear of that. She +began to burn so with outraged pride that she could not yet feel the +deeper ache of wounded love. Over and over again the words formed of +themselves on the surface of the whirling storm in her mind: "I aren't +_going_ to give in! I aren't _going_ to be pitied!" + +Then a member of the promenade band came along, fighting with the gale, +obliged to fetch some music which he had left in the hall the night +before. "Wild morning! Can't say I'm sorry we close to-morrow," he +said. + +Caroline answered him, but he still lingered, though he had never taken +any particular notice of her before, and did not know why he felt +inclined to stop to-day. He suddenly felt that Caroline was +interesting, though he was not actually aware of that odd shining of +the spirit through the flesh--like a lamp in an alabaster vase--which +was characteristic of Caroline in moments of supreme, passionate +emotion. All he thought was, that there was something unusual about +the girl, and that he was sorry he had not noticed it before. + +Still, as a decent married man with a wife and children, he took such +pleasures as talking to the girl on the promenade in strict moderation, +so very soon he went off with his mackintosh flapping. + +A few minutes later Lillie came to relieve guard, her woollen tam o' +shanter wet and her front hair blown out of curl. + +"I've had about enough of this," she said. "I'm going to find another +job before next summer." + +"Oh, I expect your job will be putting your boy's slippers before the +fire and getting his tea ready," said Caroline, still speaking from the +very top of her thoughts--as careful as if she were treading on very +thin ice, not to risk the depths. + +The prospective bride giggled, gratified, and Caroline went out; but +the next minute she was startled to hear Lillie call shrilly from the +little window: "Carrie! Carrie! You've forgotten your umbrella, and +on a day like this! You must be in love!" + +Caroline took the umbrella, but said nothing; she was at the end of her +powers. + + + + +_Chapter XX_ + +_Levelling_ + +When Caroline reached the Cottage she was surprised to see the front +door standing wide open, for the storm swept full across the garden +from the south now that the privet hedge was taken up. The next moment +Laura came out, her face almost ghastly under the tan, and she put her +hand on Caroline's arm. + +"There's bad news," she said, and paused. Caroline's thoughts flew to +Godfrey, and her heart missed a beat. Then Laura went on again: "Miss +Ethel has had a fall. I am afraid she is very seriously ill indeed. +She was carrying a china pail downstairs and it was too heavy for her." + +Caroline stared into Laura's face, forgetting Godfrey. "Oh, Miss +Laura! I know what it was. I forgot to empty the pail, and she was +doing it. If she dies I have killed her. It's my fault. It's all my +fault!" + +"Oh no; nothing of the sort," said Laura, a little impatiently, for she +had no clue to Caroline's previously over-wrought condition. "The +doctor thinks the fall was owing to some sort of seizure." + +Then they entered the house together, and as they crossed the hall +Wilson came out from the sitting-room; but beyond a grave good morning +to Caroline he said nothing, passing at once to the coat lobby to fetch +his hat and coat. + +Caroline hesitated a moment, not quite knowing what to do: then she +went into the kitchen. Her meal was put ready on the table just as +Miss Ethel had left it, and when Caroline saw the piece of meat and the +cold tart and bread so neatly arranged for her by those hands so long +unaccustomed to manual labour, she felt her lips begin to tremble. It +was hard. Poor Miss Ethel! Poor Miss Ethel! If only she had +remembered to empty that pail! If only---- And all at once she was +seized by a passion of weeping which she could neither stop nor +control. But it was not really for Miss Ethel--it was for that, +terrible blow to her love and pride which came before. + +Then Miss Panton came into the kitchen with a hot-water bottle; so +Caroline sprang up, choking back her sobs. "Here, let me fill that, +Miss Panton!" As she went to the fireplace where there was a kettle +boiling, she added in a low voice: "How is Miss Ethel now?" + +"The doctor says she is unconscious," answered Miss Panton, also +speaking in the unnatural voice which people use at such a time. "It +was a blessing the man happened to be laying sods where the privet +hedge used to be, or I don't know what Mrs. Bradford would have done. +She ran out to him, and he fetched the woman who lives in that new +house over the hedge. It seems she was a trained nurse before she +married." + +"I hope Miss Ethel didn't know. She hated that house being built," +said Caroline. + +"I don't think she knew; but it wouldn't have mattered to her, poor +dear," said Miss Panton. "I suppose that's why it is so dreadful to +feel that nothing matters--it always has a taste of death." She spoke +from the deeps of her own experience, wise with what she had lived +through; but the next second she turned uncertain again and thrust +forth one of her copy-book maxims. "Yes, yes. Decessity makes strange +bed-fellows." + +Caroline fastened the hot-water bag. "I'll run upstairs with this," +she said. "Then I shall see if there is anything else I can do." + +"I am afraid there is dothing anyone can do," said Miss Panton, for her +catarrh had come back with her nervous self-consciousness. + +Mrs. Bradford came slowly downstairs into the hall, her big face +congested with weeping. "Oh, Caroline!" she said. + +But she could not say any more, and walked on into the sitting-room +where the Vicar was already seated. + +"Oh, Vicar: I'm afraid you are too late," she said, and began to weep +afresh. "It's so dreadfully, dreadfully sudden." + +"I came the moment Mr. Wilson told me. I chanced to be in the house," +said the Vicar. He paused. "I wouldn't trouble too much about my +being late, Mrs. Bradford. Miss Ethel did not leave things until now, +you know. She was ready to meet her God." + +"She is quite unconscious," said Mrs. Bradford. "At first she kept +murmuring over and over: 'Everything's so different.--everything's so +different.' But the doctor said it was probably what she was saying to +herself when she fell. It meant nothing." + +"Meant nothing!" It was Miss Panton's voice, which cut abruptly across +their solemn conversation, startling them both; but she had again +forgotten herself entirely. "You say it meant nothing--when she's +dying of it." + +"Of what? Of things being different!" said Laura, speaking from a +corner of the room where she had intended to remain silent. + +But some one had to break that terrible pause. For Miss +Panton--Nanty--with all her silliness had spoken words which were to +all of them like a search-light suddenly turned upon the inner secrets +of the woman who was dying upstairs. + +"Poor Ethel! I'm afraid so," said Mrs. Bradford. "It's true that she +did take things to heart--about the new houses, and the hedge, and all +the rest." But the next moment that blinding light was blurred in Mrs. +Bradford's mind: "Of course I disliked the changes too--only I took +them differently. I am sure they did not produce my sister's illness. +Of course not." And she glanced at Miss Panton with heavy-eyed +disfavour. + +"I am afraid Miss Ethel dreaded the idea of leaving this house," said +the Vicar. + +"Yes, yes," said Mrs. Bradford. "You see, it was the only home my +sister ever knew." And despite her real grief, she glanced up +instinctively at Mr. Bradford's portrait, triumphing over the sister +who lay upstairs. + +"Some natures find these swift and tremendous changes harder to bear +than others," said the Vicar. "But there is only one way for people +like ourselves to take it, Mrs. Bradford. We must be kind, do the next +job, and hold fast----" + +Then he broke off, for the nurse was beckoning at the door; the end had +come sooner than they expected. + + * * * * * * + +Caroline drew down the blinds all over the house and then hovered about +the hall in her coat and hat, not knowing whether to go back to the +promenade or not. Lillie would want to leave, of course; but then she +herself might be required here. At last Godfrey came through, but he +did not seem real to her. She was so exhausted by her own emotion and +by the shock of Miss Ethel's death, that she was actually indifferent +to him for the moment. + +"Do you think I ought to go for Aunt Creddle?" she said tonelessly. +"They will want some one to help." + +He did not answer at once, looking at her with a harassed expression, +as if he scarcely was aware of what she said. He had a strained and +haggard look which sat so oddly on his firm-fleshed, strong-featured +face, but she knew it was not produced by grief for Miss Ethel. There +was a little leap of the heart, then dull apathy again. Of course it +was the money troubles which everybody seemed to know about---- + +She was about to repeat the question about Aunt Creddle, when Laura +came out of the room, and Godfrey immediately said with an air of +relief: "Oh, here is Miss Temple. She will be able to tell you better +than I can." + +Laura paused, and for a moment the two girls stared at each +other--interrogating, blaming, excusing--what was it? Anyway, it was +over in a flash. The next second Caroline felt it was all imagination, +for Laura came forward as frankly as usual, though her kind eyes were a +little swollen with tears. + +"What a good idea, Miss Raby," she said. "Mrs. Creddle is such a +comfortable person when one is in trouble. I'm sure Mrs. Bradford will +be glad to have her." + +"I'll come back as soon as I have let Lillie know, if there is anything +I can do. I can easily get some other girl to take my place," said +Caroline. + +"No, thank you. Really, there is nothing you can do," said Laura. +"You see, there is the nurse and Miss Panton, and myself; besides your +aunt, if she comes. We should only run over each other." + +Laura's voice was no less pleasant than before, but Caroline felt +dismissed. The vague impression of that first, odd moment became +startlingly vivid again. But even now she could not be sure that it +was not all imagination--the effect of her own self-consciousness, +after what had passed between herself and Laura's lover. + +As she walked down the drive she saw the jobbing gardener had returned +and was continuing to lay sods on the ground where the privet hedge had +been. The thought passed through her mind that it looked like a new +grave fresh sodded. Then she began to plan in her mind what she should +say to Aunt Creddle, and to picture how that good-hearted woman would +take it. At last she remembered her declaration only a few hours +ago--could it be only a few hours ago?--that she would never enter +Uncle Creddle's house again. + +Now, it did not seem to matter. The heat of her pride and anger had +died down and she began to see that her love for Godfrey was too deep +to be destroyed by anger or even contempt. He had planted it in her +heart and she must carry it about always. Neither of them by any act +of theirs could take it away from her. + +But she was not actively and vitally miserable. Her being was simply +soaked in a dull unhappiness which made her quite indifferent to the +healthy pricking of small annoyances, so that when Mr. and Mrs. Graham +passed her with the barest of cold salutations, and never stopped to +ask for news, even at this sad crisis, she did not care. + +She was finding out the truth of what Miss Panton had said in the +kitchen of the cottage--that every time a human being really feels it +does not matter, he or she has a bitter foretaste of death, which is +what makes this of all emotions the most truly sad. + +Even when she reached Aunt Creddle's, whose words and exclamations fell +about her ears like hail, she remained the same--delivering her +message, then going on at once to take her place in the pay-box. + +Lillie had already heard the news and was rather shocked that she +should wish to remain. "Anybody can see you've been crying. Now, +don't you think about me, Carrie. I don't mind stopping a bit." + +"No, thanks, I'd rather be here. After all, it's my job. And they +don't want me--there are plenty there without me," said Caroline. + +But Lillie urged her at least to go somewhere and have a nice hot cup +of tea and a rest, even if she were not needed at the Cottage; then at +last departed, rebuffed and slightly irritated. + +Caroline sat down on the chair; but she did not take up her knitting, +though the rain now fell heavily, persistently, and fewer people than +ever passed through the barrier. She remained there with her hands +idle, her eyes fixed on the expanse of sea that stretched out before +her, so full of buoyant life, the spray from the breakers blown back +like smoke in the wind under the swiftly-moving grey clouds. + +After a while the handful of people who had been listening to the +concert in the hall came out into the rain, shouting remarks to each +other above the gale. "Windiest place in England! Very bracing, +though--too bracing for my taste!" + +A little later members of the band scurrying back to their lodgings: +then utter silence, but for the sound of the wind and sea. But just +before Lillie was due back again the weather cleared a little--between +majestic clouds sweeping along like galleons, appeared a stretch of +pure blue sky. + +Perhaps it was some association of childhood, some impression she had +gained, then, from a hymn speaking of death; but that bright blue sky +made her suddenly think with an acute vividness of the woman who was +dead. Where was Miss Ethel? What was she doing now? + +Caroline's eyes remained fixed on the blue, but her mind had gone +searching into the unknown; she was really groping her way, for the +first time, across the barriers that lie between this life and the life +of the world to come. Her soul really was trying to follow the soul of +one already on the other side. Thus, strangely, it was Miss +Ethel--buffeted and overcome by change--who led Caroline to this first +glimpse of the unchanging. + +But these things do not become a conscious part of experience until +long afterwards; so Caroline went home to her tea without knowing what +had happened--only thinking rather more regretfully and kindly than +before about Miss Ethel. + + + + +_Chapter XXI_ + +_St. Martin's Summer_ + +The storm gave place to still weather the day before Miss Ethel's +funeral. But that was all now over, so was the Sunday morning sermon +wherein the Vicar referred to the good works of the departed, and +during which members of the congregation felt for their +pocket-handkerchiefs who had not troubled to go near the Cottage for +months, or perhaps years. + +Though this had happened some days ago the fine weather still held, and +Laura had persuaded Mrs. Bradford to come down to the now deserted +promenade for a little change of scene. They sat silent on the long +bench; Mrs. Bradford a little overdone in her heavy black clothes on +such an unexpectedly warm morning, and Laura looking at a sea which +once more broke in harmless little glittering waves on the firm sand. +The storm had dashed the water right up to the sea-wall, washing away +all traces of the Thorhaven season from that part of the shore, while +on the promenade itself butterflies fluttered among the flower beds +devastated by wind and rain. Far away down the beach, she saw the +donkeys which had been ridden by children all the summer to the +hootings of donkey boys, but they now plodded sedately with gravel in +panniers on their backs up the cliff path, just as their ancestors had +done for centuries past. It seemed really as if some power too immense +for constant interference had grown suddenly tired of bands, visitors, +tents, buckets and spades, and had swept them all away with a gesture, +leaving only the stretch of shore; much as it was before Thorhaven +existed, and as it would be when Thorhaven was under the sea like the +other village beyond, which coast erosion had taken. + +Perhaps Laura may have found this contrast between permanence and +fleetingness depressing; anyway, her face was sad as she sat quietly +there, looking in front of her. After a while she turned round to look +inland, where the hall and the cafe and the pay-box were all shuttered +and closed--already appearing somehow desolate. Then Mrs. Bradford, +having regained her breath, felt that gratitude made a remark necessary. + +"Your loss is my gain, my dear," she said. "If you had not put off +your wedding again, you would not be here to keep me company. When is +it to be now?" + +The blood deepened in Laura's face right up to the roots of her hair, +but she smiled and answered easily: "Oh, no exact time has been fixed." + +"Ah, well; I daresay you are right. You can't enjoy anything--even +getting married--when you are in bad health. I was told the +postponement might have something to do with Godfrey's financial +difficulties," Mrs. Bradford added, "but I felt sure there was nothing +in that report." Still she glanced curiously at the girl by her side. + +"No, it was not that." Laura paused, then went on: "Every business man +who is making his way occasionally takes on more business than he has +capital for. But I am sure he will get through all right. It was only +temporary." + +"I'm glad of that, I'm sure," said Mrs. Bradford. Then she lowered her +voice confidentially: "But if I were you, I should see that my own +money was securely tied up. Godfrey may be a Wilson, but he is human. +I know poor Ethel would not have said this to you, because she always +thought so much of the family. I don't blame her--poor Ethel!--but +being married naturally gives one a wider view." And having thus +triumphed over Miss Ethel, even in her grave, Mrs. Bradford relapsed +into silence. Laura seemed equally inclined to sit quiet, so nothing +more was said for a considerable time. At last three girls came +walking briskly along the promenade, stimulating a further effort at +conversation. + +"I'm glad Caroline has decided to stay with us until our things are +sold," said Mrs. Bradford. + +"Yes. She has been very obliging," said Laura. Then Mrs. Bradford's +thoughts went evenly inward again. "I have arranged to keep my own +chair. The proprietress of the boarding-house at Scarborough has been +very obliging about having it placed in a corner out of the draught. +They like a permanent boarder who is well recommended, and I shall be +quite comfortable so long as I have my own chair in a nice corner, and +my book and my knitting. You see, the sale of the house and furniture +will enable me to take a good room on the first floor. I have no doubt +I shall be all right there"--she paused--"as right as I can be now, +that is to say," she added, her lip trembling. + +During the silence which followed, the three girls passed once +more--heads erect and neatly-shod feet stepping lightly on the hard +path. Mrs. Bradford looked after them with a sort of dull aversion. +"Two of those girls' mothers were in service. Why aren't they?" + +"I suppose they prefer other employment," said Laura. + +"They'd be far better off in domestic service. Now they are only doing +what men can do. But men can't do what the girls' mothers used to do," +said Mrs. Bradford. "I can't see that they are doing any good in the +world at all." + +"Can't you?" Laura hesitated a moment, piecing together her own +thoughts. "Well, do you know, Mrs. Bradford--I didn't think of it +before--but I really do believe girls like those are achieving +something rather wonderful, after all. I believe they are reaching up +to a stage of manners and speech which will soon cause them to merge +with the girls of our own class, so that you can't feel any difference. +Then we shall get the real equality which people are always talking +about. They're doing it the right way, too, levelling up, not +levelling down." + +"Oh! Is that how you look at Caroline?" said Mrs. Bradford. + +Laura waited for a moment. "Yes," she said then, "Caroline is one of +those I mean." + +Mrs. Bradford relapsed into silence again, and they sat so for a long +time. Then Laura rose abruptly: "Oh, here are the Grahams! Do let us +move on." + +Mrs. Bradford also rose, impelled by the urgency of her companion's +tone, but wondering in her dull way what it was that made Laura turn so +red, and seem so anxious to get away all of a sudden. Surely Laura +could not have quarrelled with the Grahams? Then being very +curious--like the majority of stupid people--she sat obstinately down +again. "I must have a word or two with Mr. and Mrs. Graham," she said. +"They have been so kind. But don't you wait, Laura, unless you like. +I dare say you have other things to do." + +"Oh no, I am not busy this morning: besides, it is too late to do +anything now before lunch." And she also sat down again. + +The Grahams came up and immediately began to explain in subdued tones +about Mr. Graham's sore throat, which was so bad on the day of the +funeral that his wife absolutely threatened to lock the front door if +he attempted to attend. It was equally unfortunate that one of Mrs. +Graham's prostrating sick headaches obliged her husband to forbid her +paying that last token of respect and affection to dear Miss Ethel. + +Mrs. Bradford murmured a vague reply, wiping her eyes, and saying that +the cross of early chrysanthemums was very beautiful--it was nice of +them to remember that poor Ethel liked chrysanthemums. Then after a +pause she mentioned the delicious fruit and potted meats which the +Grahams had sent her almost daily, for indeed they were very kind when +it did not hurt them. + +Laura said little, but the occasion was not one for discussing her +affairs, so that denoted nothing; and very soon the Grahams went off, +without satisfying Mrs. Bradford's curiosity in any way. + + * * * * * * + +Mrs. Bradford's legs retained the same inability to do anything their +owner did not wish as had distinguished them during Miss Ethel's +lifetime, so towards sunset she sent Caroline to do various errands in +the village. + +As the girl went along, she had on her right the old grey tower of the +church standing with a sort of noble repose against the red and orange +sunset. It made her think of Miss Ethel, laid to rest in the old +churchyard in the middle of the village--among friends and neighbours +of her youth. The churchyard was now only used by those who had the +old family graves there, so that Caroline had never been at a funeral +exactly like Miss Ethel's before, and those in the new cemetery had not +made the same impression on her mind. + +But her attention was diverted now by the sight of the carrier with his +trolley, who had brought her box to the Cottage that day in the spring. +And as she began to run after him, her flying figure was caught here +and there by the glow of the sunset, giving her a slight momentary +resemblance to the nymph on fire that Wilson's fancy had once seen in +her. + +Wilson, himself, may even have been reminded of this as he stood +looking after her; but he turned up the road leading to Laura Temple's, +and Caroline remained unaware that he had been anywhere near. + +She had a long run before the carrier heard her calling: then he pulled +up his old white horse and waited at the top of the little hill, the +air about them seeming almost iridescent with the gold and red of the +autumn sunset shining through it. + +"Here you are again, then," he said as she came up. "Where do you want +your box moved to this time? You see, you stopped on at the Cottage, +after all." + +"I'm not going yet--not for another fortnight." She was panting +slightly, a little out of breath. "I want you to take a typewriter for +me to Mr. Wilson's lodgings. It's one he left at the Cottage for me to +practise on." + +"All right. I'll call round to-morrow," he replied. + +"Oh! I do wish you could come to-night," she said. "I particularly +want it to go back to-night." + +The carrier laughed good-naturedly, looking down at her. "Oh, that's +it, is it?" he said. "Well, you're in the right on it. One lass is +enough for any man. Gee-up." And he shouted back as he went: "I'll +call round in an hour or so." + +Caroline stood still in the road as he jolted round out of sight, +forgetting to move, her bodily sensations all swamped by the tumult of +her mind. How dare he say such a thing! she said to herself; then she +burst forth, aloud: "I aren't going to have it. I _aren't_ going to +have it!" + +But behind all that, she felt the iron touch of reality. Life was not +to be as she wanted it, just because she was herself--as she had felt +in the past. No matter how she might rebel, she'd _got_ to "have it." +The people in Thorhaven must pity her or laugh at her as they liked: +she could not prevent them from destroying the steps she had hewn with +such careful pains on the side of that steep hill which led to +everything she desired. With all her fun and easy friendliness she had +always kept herself a little "nice"--a little carefully +unsmirched--holding her head up among the other girls---- And now they +had the laugh of her. Now, she thought--standing there, digging her +finger-nails into her palms--now they'd giggle and talk about her as +they did about all those others who had been made fools of and left in +the lurch. And she could not get away from it all. Despite her fine +talk about never entering Uncle Creddle's house again, she had found +that it would be literally impossible to live in Flodmouth on what she +earned at first, and she would be obliged to lodge with Aunt Creddle, +going in and out by train every day. + +Suddenly, the thought swept over her of how she had gloried in the idea +of travelling with the other girls who were off to places of business +in Flodmouth--all so neat, and nicely dressed, and so independent. Now +that was spoilt, like everything else. + +Then the sudden hooting of a motor-bicycle caused her to start aside, +and Wilf careered past--cap correctly poised, slim young body bent +forward. The next moment, he swerved round with a dash and swirl, +shouting out: + +"Hello! hello! You'll be getting run down one of these days!" But it +was to show his new motor-bicycle, and what he had gained by her +"turning him down," as well as what she had lost. + +Caroline was conscious of his triumphant attitude, though she only felt +a sort of incredulous wonder that she could ever have thought of him as +a lover. It seemed, somehow, to have happened in another life, so far +off it appeared from her present experiences. + +After that two girls whom she knew passed, laughing and talking +together on the other side of the road, and she immediately felt sure +that they were making fun of her. No doubt it was all over the town +that she had been "carrying on" with Wilson--a man just about to be +married to Miss Temple, whom everybody respected and liked. There +would be no pity there--only contempt. So she called out "good night" +and went on as fast as she could, fancying what the girls were saying +to each other. "Well, _I_ wouldn't have done such a thing! And I +never reckoned to be as particular as Carrie Raby. But pride will have +a fall----" + +She could almost hear them say it as she hurried on, her ambition as +well as her love so deeply wounded that she could scarcely bear +herself. Revolting, fighting--having to find out with exasperated +agony like every one else that those who fight against destiny only +hurt themselves. But as she passed the short street leading to the +promenade a strong current of sea-air blew down it and she turned her +hot face towards the breeze, looking up towards the pay-box which stood +silent and deserted in the fading light. It took on for her now that +strange quality which belongs to places where we have felt a great +deal--as if the walls had absorbed some of the currents of emotion +which had been given out there. She both loved the little wooden +erection, and longed never to see it again. Beyond it, the Flamborough +lights swung out across the sea: white--white--red. How unhappy life +was! And contempt did not kill love, as she had always understood from +the novels in the pretty paper covers which she liked to read so much. +It had killed trust; but the ache in her went on just the same, even +though Godfrey had been threatened by Uncle Creddle with a big stick, +and had shown such a cowardly anxiety to escape a row. + +She drew in deep breaths of the salt air--cold, invigorating as it +always was here after sunset on the warmest days; and all her mind was +bent on despising him as he deserved. She tried to put her contempt +into words, so as to make it more real. "He's no good. I'm well rid +of him. I wouldn't have anything to do with him now, not if he were to +crawl after me on his hands and knees from here to Flamborough." + +But the silence of the evening gave back an answer which she was +obliged to hear in her heart; and she told herself, though with less +certainty: "I _won't_ care; I _will_ end by not caring. He's not worth +it." + +But at last she did manage to flick the raw place until she was really +bitter against him. For the sudden thought came to her that he dare +not have behaved to a girl of his own sort in the same way as he had +done to her. It was because he looked down on her that he could do it. + +Then she saw the two girls coming her way down the road again, and +hurried up the side street in order to escape them. But they followed, +evidently going to the promenade, so she turned down to the shore where +she was certain of being alone at this season and this hour. As she +went along, a most vivid sense of this waste of her youth's bright +happiness came across her. "I _will_ forget him! I aren't _going_ to +be made miserable just by falling in love," she said to herself, half +sobbing--a little figure running along through the twilight by the edge +of the sea like a leaf driven by the wind, flinging defiance at the god +of love whom no change can displace. + + + + +_Chapter XXII_ + +_Morning_ + +It was two days later, and Caroline was going down to cash a cheque for +Mrs. Bradford. There had been a slight touch of frost in the night, +and the atmosphere was so rarified this morning that every object +seemed to meet the eye with equal distinctness--with the effect, +somehow, of a Dutch painting. A little black dog jumping up excitedly +outside the fishmonger's, a woman in the doorway of the little toy-shop +taking down a bundle of wooden spades, a red-faced farmer getting out +of his trap at the bank--all looked equally clear, lacking the usual +hazy effect of the damp air. It was partly for this reason, perhaps, +that Caroline felt as if everybody were pressing round her, and trying +to read her thoughts. Though the toy-shop woman called out a pleasant +"good morning," after her habit, Caroline thought she peered curiously +from behind her grove of spades, and that she was no doubt wondering +what it felt like to be made the "talk of the place"--especially by a +gentleman who allowed stout, middle-aged Mr. Creddle to threaten +horse-whipping with impunity. Then in going past the fish-shop, the +very cod seemed to turn a contemptuous, lack-lustre eye upon her, as if +they also said to each other: "There goes the girl who was made a fool +of by a man who never really meant to marry her." + +But it was the worst when she caught sight of the hoarding on the +little Picture Hall. For suddenly the phrase which she had seen there +on the film flashed across her mind with such vividness that it seemed +to be written in dancing, bright letters across the sunshiny street: "I +swear I want to marry you." + +She felt dizzy, then it passed. It was true enough, of course. Men +did always say that, as Aunt Creddle had told her. She was only one of +the millions of silly girls so easily deceived. And she went down the +street, feeling that from every eye streamed out a baleful ray which +reached and hurt the sore place in her heart. + +At last she came to the bank; and the farmer was there at the counter, +pushing his notes across grudgingly--as does the man of all nations who +has wrung his hard living out of the soil. "I hate these no-ates," he +was saying. "They do-an't seem like money. But I doubt they'll last +my da-ay." + +His drawl seemed to go in and out of Caroline's thoughts, soothing her +while she waited; then she heard a door open beyond the counter and saw +Laura come forth, attended by the bank-manager, and wearing a jaded, +excited look, as if she had been through a difficult interview in which +she had at last come off triumphant. On catching sight of Caroline she +flushed deeply, hesitating for a second, then coming forward with hand +outstretched. "Oh, I was wanting to see you, Miss Raby." + +Caroline wondered why Laura should look like that on unexpectedly +meeting her, if this were so; but the farmer went out and his place at +the counter was now clear. Laura, however, followed her, saying in a +low tone: "Is Mrs. Bradford at home this morning?" + +"No," said Caroline, "she has gone to see Mrs. Graham." + +"Ah, I thought so." She paused. "Are you going straight home?" + +"Yes, at least, I have only one other errand," said Caroline. With +that she turned to the man behind the counter who was waiting to +transact her business, and Laura went out of the bank. + +Caroline walked home, thinking once or twice about the incident, for +Laura's manner seemed odd if she only wanted to know whether Mrs. +Bradford were at home or not. Then about an hour later, when she was +near a front window, she chanced to see Laura coming up the drive. So +going to the door; she said at once: "I'm sorry, but Mrs. Bradford has +not come in yet. Do you care to leave a message?" + +As Laura stood there hesitating, that odd mixture of maturity and a +sort of girlish angularity in her appearance became unusually marked. +"No--no message. I--I think I will just come in." + +"But I am afraid Mrs. Bradford may be some time," said Caroline. + +Laura looked at her as if seeking something in her face, then repeated +awkwardly: "Oh! I think I will just come in." + +So Caroline led the way to the sitting-room, but just as she was about +to go, Laura said quickly: "I suppose you like the idea of working at +an office?" + +"Oh yes; I think it will be all right, thank you," said Caroline, +moving on towards the door all the time. She did not want to stay in +the same room with this girl who was to marry Godfrey. Let them marry +and be happy, so far as she was concerned; but she did not want to have +anything to do with either of them again. + +Then she went through the door, but before she was across the hall she +heard Laura's voice raised on a sort of high, breathless note calling +after her: "Don't--don't go, yet. I--we so seldom have a chat. +This--this must have been a most trying time for you." + +Caroline went back and stood just within the door, her small face pale +and rather severe. What did this girl want of her? For she could see +that there was something behind those halting words which Laura felt +either afraid or ashamed to say. She would not help by a single word. +No, not though the kind brown eyes began to distress her a little, like +those of a dog with a hurt paw. + +"I suppose office work is really what you like best?" said Laura +nervously. "You think you will really enjoy it? You"--she drew a +breath and plunged, as it were--"you have no idea of getting married at +present?" + +"No," said Caroline, speaking with fair composure, though her own +nerves began to quiver and she breathed rather quickly. For this was +what Laura had come for, then! She had heard tales and wanted to find +out if they were true. + +Well--let her! For one second a great temptation assailed Caroline. +She stood there in the doorway, with the power of happiness or +unhappiness in her hands, knowing perfectly well that she had only to +tell the actual, unvarnished truth as it had actually happened for +Godfrey's chance of a rich wife, and Laura's chance of a probably +successful marriage to vanish in less time than you could open and shut +the door. + +But the next moment it was all over. She knew, with a just pride, that +she could never do a mean trick like that: it was not in her. When the +room, which had gone a little dim, grew clear again, she heard herself +continuing, as if it were somebody else: "I'm sure I shall enjoy being +on my own. I'd rather keep myself than be dependent on any man. You +can do as you like. It's better than getting married." + +"But nothing is better than marriage with the right man," said Laura. +She was still looking intently at Caroline; still seeming all the time +to have something behind her words which hovered but remained unspoken. +Then, suddenly her eyes filled with tears. + +Caroline looked away, perplexed and troubled. "I'm afraid Mrs. +Bradford may not be in for some time." + +Laura rose in a hesitating fashion. "Do you think so? Well, I suppose +I had better go. Mrs. Bradford will be glad when the sale is over. +She will be happier in a boarding-house at Scarborough." + +They were at the front door now; and to avoid looking at each other +they both glanced at the man who was wheeling a barrow-load of building +implements in from the field across the place where the privet hedge +used to be. + +"I suppose that is for the improvements to the Cottage?" said Laura, +who seemed as if she could not go and yet did not really want to stay. + +"Yes. They begin altering the outside buildings before the sale," said +Caroline; but all the time she was asking within herself: "What is it? +What is it?" + +Again they looked at the man, who was now trudging back over the +newly-laid sods. + +"Poor Miss Ethel!" said Laura. "She would not have liked that, would +she?" + +Caroline shook her head, not speaking--it was all so curiously far off +from what they were both thinking about that words only seemed to echo +from a distance. "There have to be changes," she said at last, growing +afraid of the pause lest it should imply too much. + +"Well, Miss Ethel always hated change," said Laura. Then her +expression began to alter curiously under Caroline's eyes--becoming +charged, as it were, with an inner radiance that shone right through +the outer dullness, or embarrassment, or sadness--whatever there might +be. "At any rate, she has gone where things are certain." + +Caroline's heart beat fast with the sudden impact of discovery. Laura, +too, then! They were both just like people hanging on to a spar in a +rough sea and hoping to be thrown on shore at last. That was what life +was, even when you were going to be married to the man of your choice. +But the expression of Laura's face--or was it that thought of a rough +sea?--had in some way brought back that time in the pay-box after Miss +Ethel's death, when Caroline herself had looked up at the blue sky +breaking through the grey. Once more she tried to grope across the +barrier between the seen and the unseen. + +What was there after all? Then a line of one of those Sunday-school +hymns floated across her mind--"Oh, Thou that changest not"--And the +thought of Miss Ethel on the stairs with that heavy pail in her hand. + +But the thoughts passed so quickly that Laura had not noticed the +pause. "I like to fancy Miss Ethel in a place where things don't +change. It makes you think, when somebody you know goes----" And +Caroline saw Laura felt the same; was drawn more closely in touch with +this eternity to which Miss Ethel had just gone over. + +Then a man over in the field shouted loudly to his mate. Both girls +glanced, half startled, in that direction, and when they looked at each +other again the mental atmosphere had quite altered. + +"Well, I must be going," said Laura. + +But it was still so evident she had left something unsaid, that +Caroline remained half-consciously expectant in the doorway. And a few +steps down the drive Laura did suddenly stop short, pause a moment and +return with quick, nervous steps. "Oh, by the way, I suppose you won't +know that my engagement with Mr. Wilson is broken off?" + +For a moment--an age--Caroline's throat seemed to dry up, and she felt +like a person in a nightmare struggling to make a sound which will not +come. Then, out of all the turmoil of questions, fears, emotions that +Laura's words had caused to seethe within her, she was only able to +bring to the surface: "I--I didn't know." + +"No?" Laura paused. "Well, you'll tell Mrs. Bradford I have been----" +And she hurried away down the drive; but she had not yet lost that air +of having left something unsaid which she had come on purpose to say. + +Caroline could see her near the gate, then paused a moment as at the +approach of voices; and the next minute Mr. and Mrs. Graham came in, +accompanying Mrs. Bradford. Their attitudes were most plainly visible +to Caroline in the doorway, though she could not hear what was said; +Mrs. Bradford solidly engrossed in her own importance as a mourner--Mr. +Graham bending forward to speak to Laura, conciliatory, voluble; and +Laura herself unresponsive. + +Caroline gave a last look at them before going indoors to take the +potatoes from the fire; and as she did so, she experienced one of those +sudden, blindingly clear moments of intuition common to almost every +one, in which the processes of fact, argument, reason are all skipped, +and the knowledge is there, full blown. She knew perfectly well that +Mr. and Mrs. Graham had felt it their solemn duty to inform Laura--with +the best intentions--of what was being said about Godfrey Wilson and +the girl on the promenade. + +But before she had time to turn away the group dissolved, Laura going +on alone, while Mrs. Bradford and Mrs. Graham came up the drive. The +picture bit like acid into her mind. The three coming up the path; the +clear sky; the man with the barrow wheeling cement over the forlorn +dismantled part of the garden where the privet hedge had been. + +But in the kitchen, while she was taking the potatoes from the steamer, +her face suddenly flushed crimson. "I aren't going to be frightened," +she murmured to herself. "I aren't going to care what anybody says. +She would never break off her engagement because of a bit of scandal. +She's not that sort. They'll be married, all right." + +Beneath her defiance, however, Caroline was terribly afraid. She +sub-consciously so dreaded the agony she must endure if he did come +after her again and she had to send him away. For that was what she +would do. Never for one second did she waver in her determination to +have no more to do with a man who could behave as he had done. She +couldn't help loving him, but she could help trusting him with her life. + +Mrs. Bradford appeared, black and bulky in the kitchen doorway. "Oh, +Caroline----" And her voice, though heavy and rather husky, put the +same immeasurable distance between Caroline and every Wilson in the +world as Miss Ethel's clear tones, speaking the same words, had always +done. "I am expecting Mr. Wilson on business after tea. Will you show +him into the breakfast-room if you have not gone out when he comes?" + +Caroline murmured acquiescence, angry to feel herself blushing; and +when she looked up Mrs. Bradford's little eyes were fixed on her with +the insatiable curiosity of the dull; so she looked steadily down again +at the bowl of potatoes. After a pause that seemed very long, she +heard the pad-pad-pad of a heavy, elderly woman's walk sounding along +the passage. + +Mrs. Bradford, waiting for her lunch, also looked at the wheel-marks +left by the passing of the workman's barrow over the place where the +privet hedge used to be. She might not like it, but she was without +that fiery hatred of change which did actually release Miss Ethel's +spirit for its escape to certainty. + + + + +_Chapter XXIII_ + +_On the Shore_ + +Mrs. Bradford was timid about being alone in the house after sunset +since her sister's death, so Caroline usually went out between tea and +early supper. On this occasion she hurried off directly tea was over, +in her anxiety to avoid a possible meeting with Godfrey. She did not +even wait to go upstairs and change her dress, but kept on the old +blouse and skirt she had been wearing beneath her overall, put on an +old garden hat and ran down the drive, fearing all the time to hear +Mrs. Bradford calling from the doorway. + +However, she reached the road in safety, thankful that there was now no +chance of being obliged to usher in Godfrey with Mrs. Bradford's dull +rather malicious gaze fixed on her. But even while she waited a +second, out of breath, she caught sight of his figure coming along the +road from the town, and hurried on again towards the cliff top. There +was the bench on which she had sat that moonlight night with Godfrey, +when it seemed to her that they could love each other for ever just the +same, no matter what might divide them. She had been filled then with +the exultation which is so difficult to distinguish at the time from +happiness--which seems so independent of human accident--a joy never to +be assailed by common experience. + +But all that had gone. Now she was going down the rough, muddy path on +the side of the clay cliff--slipping, making her shoes and skirt dirty, +grasping at the wiry grass as she slipped and not caring--simply +because she wanted to escape any chance of meeting the same man who had +inspired those wonderful emotions. The contrast seemed to hit a blow +on her heart, even though she was not going to let it hurt her any +more. But at last she reached the bottom, and stood for a moment to +rest. + +The sea, heaving with a strong ground-swell, reflected the pale blue of +the sky in millions of pools of light on the dun-coloured surface. She +was not conscious of looking at it, but she had a feeling of freshness +and consolation--of freedom from herself. The truth was that, without +knowing it, she had made a friend of the sea. She had done so during +all those hours in the pay-box on the promenade when she endured that +hard spiritual experience which turns people from children into men and +women--and the sea remains faithful. + +After resting a moment or two she walked on, her path skirting the wet +sea-weed which showed that there had been heavy weather outside the +bay. The brown streamers had blue lights on them like the sea and the +sand was firm and hard. A thick froth churned up from the deeps rested +among the sea-weed, or blew along the shore in front of her before the +south-easterly wind. + +She inhaled the smell of fresh sea-weed--not exactly noticing it, but +with her senses influenced by it, as a person's may be by the heavy +scent of roses on a June evening. Less than ever was she going to give +in because she had to do without love. There were plenty of things in +life besides love---- + +Then, as if in answer to that defiance, she saw part of a man's shadow +thrown by the westering sun on the sand before her. She swerved sharp +round--not startled--not afraid; but filled with an extraordinary fury +against Godfrey which may have been partly caused by these emotions. + +"How dare you come creeping up after me on the sand like that?" she +said. "Which way are you going? Tell me, and then I'll go the other." + +He looked down at her with amusement and ardour in his glance; but all +the same he bore the marks of some storm only just over in the strained +lines of his face, and in the marks of sleeplessness under his eyes. + +"You won't get rid of me so easily as that," he said. "I have come +here to talk things out with you, and I mean to do it." + +She turned back towards the promenade. "Of course, I can't prevent you +walking with me if you will," she answered. But it was because she +felt that her curiosity might betray her that she desperately slammed +the door of opportunity in his face by adding: "I suppose you know you +are safe here to worry me as much as you like. You won't come across +Uncle Creddle on the sands." + +"Your uncle----" He was rather thick-skinned and flushed seldom, but +he did so now, growing crimson to the edge of the cap pulled down over +his forehead. "Oh! I see. So you actually believed I was afraid. +Turn round!" He took her arm and made her face him. "Now! Do I look +as if I should be afraid to fight old Creddle?" She obstinately +refused to answer, and he went on, still holding her: "You know I +should not. I was thinking of you, and you only. Do you realize what +people say about a girl when her nearest male relative breaks, or even +tries to break a big stick over her lover's back? Well, I wasn't going +to have anything of that sort said about you, Carrie." + +"You were very thoughtful about my reputation all of a sudden," said +Caroline. She paused, but the words had to come. "It was not because +you wanted to keep any talk from getting to Miss Laura's ears, I +suppose?" + +The question was a sneer, but it was there, all the same; she had had +to ask it. And now her whole being hung trembling on the answer, +though she was no less grimly resolved than before to have done with a +man whom she could not trust. But now he did not reply; and that +burning urge of curiosity made Caroline go on--against better judgment, +intention, pride: "Does she know?" + +He released Caroline's arm at once and walked on. "Let us leave her +out of the discussion," he said stiffly. "I was just about to tell you +that our engagement is broken off." + +But Caroline could not understand--any more than the majority of +women--the feeling which makes a decent man reluctant to discuss an old +love with a new one, and she was now easily able to speak as coldly as +she wished. "I've heard that piece of news," she said. + +He turned sharp round. "Why, who told you? It only happened last +night." + +"Miss Laura told me," she answered. + +"What more did she tell you?" he asked quickly. + +"Nothing." + +He looked away from her to the sea without replying, and this was her +chance to walk away, if she had wished; but there was still that +question which she must have answered. + +"Has Miss Laura heard anything about us? Was that why the engagement +was broken off?" + +He waited a moment. "No," he said. "After all, you have a right to +know that you had nothing to do with it. Nothing. She had never heard +a word about you and me until I told her myself; and that was after our +engagement was broken off." + +"Then why did you----?" She paused, so filled with all sorts of +conflicting desires and emotions--longing to know, and yet passionately +telling herself it didn't matter to her--that she had lost all +certainty in herself, and her voice came sharp and tremulous. + +"She simply threw me over," he said at last. "Found out she didn't +like the idea of married life, though she was very fond of me. I +suppose there are women like that in every civilized community. No +doubt if she were a Roman Catholic she would be a nun, and she would be +a good one. She's good all through. I realize that, in spite of what +has happened." + +Caroline looked at him as he faced the sea in the strong light--at his +heavy features, his broadly set figure, his whole air of knowledge and +virility and strength. Then the words fluttered up into her throat +without any volition of her own: "Oh, you well may think her good! You +well may!" + +For in that moment she guessed what Laura had come to tell her but had +not been able to say after all. That heavenly kindness of Laura's was +actually deep enough and real enough to make her spare her lover the +knowledge of how he had wounded her. It was clear enough that she--who +always seemed so easy and simple--had detected the first little change +in him when he became attracted to Caroline. So she had put off her +wedding to make sure, and she had become sure. + +Caroline opened her lips to say with passion: "Can't you _see_ what she +did it for?" But before the words left her lips, there came into her +mind a memory of Laura's face as it looked when she left the door of +the Cottage, which was so vivid as to be almost an illusion. Now she +knew what the anxious, uncertain gaze of those brown eyes into her own +had really meant. + +Laura had been trying to say all the time: "Don't tell him! don't tell +him!" But the complexities involved had been too great, when it came +to the point, for anything to be actually said. + +Caroline waited to get back her self-command, stirred by a sudden +loyalty to her own sex which made her long to pierce his masculine +obtuseness--to show him what Laura had sacrificed and what he had +missed. And as he watched her, he wondered once more at the quality of +aloofness--of something fresh and cool despite her passion--which had +caused him to think of a nymph on fire when he first held her in his +arms. + +"Well?" he said at last. "It's all right now, isn't it?" + +She shook her head. "I'm not going to begin that all over again," she +said rather drearily. "You made me look silly once, but you won't have +a chance a second time. So long as you thought you might marry Miss +Laura, you were afraid of the talk and kept out of my way. Now she has +turned you down, you come after me again. I don't know why. Just for +your own fun, I suppose. You can't deny you avoided me." + +"No." He stood with his hands thrust deep into his pockets. "I don't. +But I was in a devil of a hole, Caroline. I was engaged to marry a +good girl, and a nice girl, and shortly after the wedding day was fixed +I did a thing which only a cad would have done." He paused, Caroline +gazing at him with wide eyes. Then he went on: "I borrowed a large sum +of money from her." + +"Is that all?" breathed Caroline. "I don't see what difference that +made." + +"Don't you? Well, perhaps not--but any man would," he answered. "I +was faced with ruin unless I could tide things over, and I couldn't +take the money and be philandering with another girl at the same time." + +"You didn't seem to hold those views until the last week or two," she +said. + +"I had not borrowed the money before," he said shortly. "Though I knew +well enough I was not doing the square thing there, either by you or +her." + +She looked at him with a keen, set, impersonal intentness in her gaze +which he could not understand. "Then you are sure she does not care +enough for you to marry you? She threw you over because she wanted to +stop single?" + +"No doubt of that," he said with a sort of rueful conviction. "Though, +of course, being the girl she is, she was frightfully upset at the idea +of behaving badly to me. As a matter of fact, she seemed so distressed +during the whole interview that I couldn't help feeling ashamed of +myself. I couldn't let her reproach herself so acutely; I had to tell +her I--I wasn't broken-hearted." + +"She would wonder why, didn't she?" said Caroline, in a tone which he +could not understand. + +"Yes," he answered. "So I told her." + +"What did you say?" + +He waited a moment, looking down at the slim figure outlined darkly +against the immense radiance of the sea. But he did not touch her. +This was a different thing indeed from that hot wooing on the top of +the cliff. + +"I told her," he answered bluntly, at last, "that I was in love with +you and wanted to marry you." + +"And she----?" Caroline did not respond any more than that; +incredibly, to him, she was still thinking about Laura---- And he +stood looking at her with the same odd mixture of curiosity and desire +which had all along marked his pursuit of her, though beneath it there +was now something deeper, more human, more permanent. He wanted to +know---- But even when he did know, she would be his--his to take care +of and fight for and help up in the world. + +At last he gave the answer she was waiting for. "Laura took it quite +differently from what I expected," he said. "She was awfully decent +about it. I think she was relieved, in a way, to find she had not got +me on her mind. She must have been afraid I should be very unhappy, of +course. She would always be so sorry about anything like that, that I +wonder she had the heart to throw me over, even though she didn't want +me." + +Caroline said nothing. Oddly enough, though she had not heard the +sound of the waves before, the melancholy swish! swish! now echoed +through her very soul. When she felt a salt taste on her lips she +thought it was a drop of spray from the sea, then she felt the faint +trickling sensation of another and another running down her cheeks. + +"Caroline!" he said, putting his arm about her and bending his face to +hers. "You're crying! What is it, little girl?" + +She pulled herself away from him, sobbing out with a wild earnestness +which he found incomprehensible: "No! No! You can't start yet. You +have her kisses on your mouth yet." + +"You didn't seem to mind that before," he said, suddenly white with +anger. "I don't know why you should start to be jealous of Laura now +everything is over." + +"I'm not jealous," she said. "It is not that." Then she stopped +short. He must believe what he liked, for she could not betray the +secret of a girl whose love, she felt, was finer than her own. + +"Well, you have no need to be jealous," he said. "She spoke nicely +about you. She was awfully decent about it, and hoped you and she +would be friends." + +"Oh! I wish we could be," said Caroline, but deep down in her own +consciousness she knew this would never happen; because it is not in +human nature for a woman to cease being jealous of another who has done +more than herself for the man she loves. + +He stood there disconsolately, kicking a pebble. He had come hot-foot +to claim her, never anticipating a check; and now she seemed to be +somehow drifting farther and farther away from him. + +"I don't know if you are still thinking about the money Laura lent me," +he said at last. "I begin to wish now I hadn't told you. But I wanted +to have everything quite straight." He paused. "As a matter of fact, +I have paid it back. The bank was a bit awkward at first, but I was +able to come to an arrangement with them a day or two ago, and I have +repaid Laura what she lent me." He paused again, looking at her almost +comically: "There, I hope you quite understand?" + +They were indeed talking to each other more like enemies than lovers; +and Caroline seemed to be more than ever withdrawn and aloof--for all +her ignorance and simplicity of feeling--when she answered him in an +inward brooding tone: "Yes, I understand." For she really saw neither +Godfrey nor the shore, only Laura coming flushed out of the door marked +"Private" behind the bank counter. For now--at last--she did see where +it all led. She had to join issue with Laura to spare the pride of +this man whom both loved. His faith in his own power of overcoming +difficulties was the foundation on which his life was built, and they +must not pull it from under him. She, at any rate, could not so +humiliate him. + +"The difficulty was only temporary," he went on, trying to find out +what she was waiting for. "I tried to do too much business for my +capital. But I'm bound to get on. We shall be all right." + +"Don't!" she said sharply. "I don't care about money. I wasn't +thinking about that." + +"Then what's the matter?" + +She looked at him dumbly, and something in her tear-stained face tugged +irresistibly at his heartstrings. "Don't look like that," he said. +"Let's forget all that has happened before. You don't mean you will +turn me down, too?" + +She shook her head, still unable to keep back the tears. + +"Then why are you crying?" he said, putting his arm round her. +"There's nothing to cry for, Carrie." He spoke to her soothingly, +tenderly, as a man might to a child who was in trouble. + +"Oh, Godfrey!" She drew herself away from him once more. "I aren't +half as good as her. I aren't half as good as her. You'd have been a +great deal happier and more comfortable with her." + +"I know that," he said. "But I don't want to be happy and comfortable. +I want to live." He caught hold of her hand, which he crushed so +tightly that it hurt. "And I want you with me." + +They heard a sudden noise from the cliff top where two boys raced and +shouted, so they walked on. Feathery clots of foam blew before them on +the sand, almost as if sea-flowers from the changeless ocean were being +flung in the pathway of that which is unchangeable in human life. + +After a while Caroline said with a start, waking out of her dream: "I +wonder what Mrs. Bradford will say? But she won't be so upset as Miss +Ethel would have been." She lowered her voice. "Do you know what Miss +Panton said it was that actually killed Miss Ethel? It was everything +being so different." + +"Yes." He paused. "Well, thousands of people are dying from the same +cause, I suppose, all over the world--middle-aged ones, that is." Then +he strengthened his grasp on her arm. "But we're young. We're all +right. Eh, Caroline?" + + + + +THE END + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Privet Hedge, by J. E. 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