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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The First One, by Herbert D. Kastle
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The First One
+
+Author: Herbert D. Kastle
+
+Release Date: January 7, 2008 [EBook #24192]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FIRST ONE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ THE FIRST ONE
+
+ By HERBERT D. KASTLE
+
+ Illustrated by von Dongen
+
+[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Analog July 1961.
+Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright
+on this publication was renewed.]
+
+
+ _The first man to return from beyond the Great Frontier may be
+ welcomed ... but will it be as a curiosity, rather than as a
+ hero...?_
+
+
+There was the usual welcoming crowd for a celebrity, and the usual
+speeches by the usual politicians who met him at the airport which had
+once been twenty miles outside of Croton, but which the growing city had
+since engulfed and placed well within its boundaries. But everything
+wasn't usual. The crowd was quiet, and the mayor didn't seem quite as
+at-ease as he'd been on his last big welcoming--for Corporal Berringer,
+one of the crew of the spaceship _Washington_, first to set Americans
+upon Mars. His Honor's handclasp was somewhat moist and cold. His
+Honor's eyes held a trace of remoteness.
+
+Still, he was the honored home-comer, the successful returnee, the
+hometown boy who had made good in a big way, and they took the triumphal
+tour up Main Street to the new square and the grandstand. There he sat
+between the mayor and a nervous young coed chosen as homecoming queen,
+and looked out at the police and fire department bands, the National
+Guard, the boy scouts and girl scouts, the Elks and Masons. Several of
+the churches in town had shown indecision as to how to instruct their
+parishioners to treat him. But they had all come around. The tremendous
+national interest, the fact that he was the First One, had made them
+come around. It was obvious by now that they would have to adjust as
+they'd adjusted to all the other firsts taking place in these--as the
+newspapers had dubbed the start of the Twenty-first Century--the
+Galloping Twenties.
+
+He was glad when the official greeting was over. He was a very tired man
+and he had come farther, traveled longer and over darker country, than
+any man who'd ever lived before. He wanted a meal at his own table, a
+kiss from his wife, a word from his son, and later to see some old
+friends and a relative or two. He didn't want to talk about the journey.
+He wanted to forget the immediacy, the urgency, the terror; then perhaps
+he would talk.
+
+Or would he? For he had very little to tell. He had traveled and he had
+returned and his voyage was very much like the voyages of the great
+mariners, from Columbus onward--long, dull periods of time passing,
+passing, and then the arrival.
+
+The house had changed. He saw that as soon as the official car let him
+off at 45 Roosevelt Street. The change was, he knew, for the better.
+They had put a porch in front. They had rehabilitated, spruced up,
+almost rebuilt the entire outside and grounds. But he was sorry. He had
+wanted it to be as before.
+
+The head of the American Legion and the chief of police, who had
+escorted him on this trip from the square, didn't ask to go in with him.
+He was glad. He'd had enough of strangers. Not that he was through with
+strangers. There were dozens of them up and down the street, standing
+beside parked cars, looking at him. But when he looked back at them,
+their eyes dropped, they turned away, they began moving off. He was
+still too much the First One to have his gaze met.
+
+He walked up what had once been a concrete path and was now an ornate
+flagstone path. He climbed the new porch and raised the ornamental
+knocker on the new door and heard the soft music sound within. He was
+surprised that he'd had to do this. He'd thought Edith would be watching
+at a window.
+
+And perhaps she _had_ been watching ... but she hadn't opened the door.
+
+The door opened; he looked at her. It hadn't been too long and she
+hadn't changed at all. She was still the small, slender girl he'd loved
+in high school, the small, slender woman he'd married twelve years ago.
+Ralphie was with her. They held onto each other as if seeking mutual
+support, the thirty-three-year old woman and ten-year-old boy. They
+looked at him, and then both moved forward, still together. He said,
+"It's good to be home!"
+
+Edith nodded and, still holding to Ralphie with one hand, put the other
+arm around him. He kissed her--her neck, her cheek--and all the old
+jokes came to mind, the jokes of travel-weary, battle-weary men, the
+and-_then_-I'll-put-my-pack-aside jokes that spoke of terrible hunger.
+She was trembling, and even as her lips came up to touch his he felt the
+difference, and because of this difference he turned with urgency to
+Ralphie and picked him up and hugged him and said, because he could
+think of nothing else to say, "What a big fella, what a big fella."
+
+Ralphie stood in his arms as if his feet were still planted on the
+floor, and he didn't look at his father but somewhere beyond him. "I
+didn't grow much while you were gone, Dad, Mom says I don't eat enough."
+
+So he put him down and told himself that it would all change, that
+everything would loosen up just as his commanding officer, General
+Carlisle, had said it would early this morning before he left
+Washington.
+
+"Give it some time," Carlisle had said. "You need the time; they need
+the time. And for the love of heaven, don't be sensitive."
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Edith was leading him into the living room, her hand lying still in his,
+a cool, dead bird lying still in his. He sat down on the couch, she sat
+down beside him--but she had hesitated. He _wasn't_ being sensitive; she
+had hesitated. His wife had hesitated before sitting down beside him.
+
+Carlisle had said his position was analogous to Columbus', to Vasco De
+Gama's, to Preshoff's when the Russian returned from the Moon--but more
+so. Carlisle had said lots of things, but even Carlisle who had worked
+with him all the way, who had engineered the entire fantastic
+journey--even Carlisle the Nobel prize winner, the multi-degreed genius
+in uniform, had not actually spoken to him as one man to another.
+
+_The eyes. It always showed in their eyes._
+
+He looked across the room at Ralphie, standing in the doorway, a boy
+already tall, already widening in the shoulders, already large of
+feature. It was like looking into the mirror and seeing himself
+twenty-five years ago. But Ralphie's face was drawn, was worried in a
+way that few ten-year-old faces are.
+
+"How's it going in school?" he asked.
+
+"Gee, Dad, it's the second month of summer vacation."
+
+"Well, then, before summer vacation?"
+
+"Pretty good."
+
+Edith said, "He made top forum the six-month period before vacation, and
+he made top forum the six-month period you went away, Hank."
+
+He nodded, remembering that, remembering everything, remembering the
+warmth of her farewell, the warmth of Ralphie's farewell, their tears as
+he left for the experimental flight station in the Aleutians. They had
+feared for him, having read of the many launchings gone wrong even in
+continent-to-continent experimental flight.
+
+They had been right to worry. He had suffered much after that blow-up.
+But now they should be rejoicing, because he had survived and made the
+long journey. Ralphie suddenly said, "I got to go, Dad. I promised Walt
+and the others I'd pitch. It's Inter-Town Little League, you know. It's
+Harmon, you know. I got to keep my word." Without waiting for an answer,
+he waved his hand--it shook; a ten-year-old boy's hand that shook--and
+ran from the room and from the house.
+
+He and Edith sat beside each other, and he wanted badly to take her in
+his arms, and yet he didn't want to oppress her. He stood up. "I'm very
+tired. I'd like to lie down a while." Which wasn't true, because he'd
+been lying down all the months of the way back.
+
+She said, "Of course. How stupid of me, expecting you to sit around and
+make small talk and pick up just where you left off."
+
+He nodded. But that was exactly what he wanted to do--make small talk
+and pick up just where he'd left off. But they didn't expect it of him;
+they wouldn't let him; they felt he had changed too much.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+She led him upstairs and along the foyer past Ralphie's room and past
+the small guest room to their bedroom. This, too, had changed. It was
+newly painted and it had new furniture. He saw twin beds separated by an
+ornate little table with an ornate little lamp, and this looked more
+ominous a barrier to him than the twelve-foot concrete-and-barbed-wire
+fence around the experimental station.
+
+"Which one is mine," he asked, and tried to smile.
+
+She also tried to smile. "The one near the window. You always liked the
+fresh air, the sunshine in the morning. You always said it helped you
+to get up on time when you were stationed at the base outside of town.
+You always said it reminded you--being able to see the sky--that you
+were going to go up in it, and that you were going to come down from it
+to this bed again."
+
+"Not this bed," he murmured, and was a little sorry afterward.
+
+"No, not this bed," she said quickly. "Your lodge donated the bedroom
+set and I really didn't know--" She waved her hand, her face white.
+
+He was sure then that she _had_ known, and that the beds and the barrier
+between them were her own choice, if only an unconscious choice. He went
+to the bed near the window, stripped off his Air Force blue jacket,
+began to take off his shirt, but then remembered that some arm scars
+still showed. He waited for her to leave the room.
+
+She said, "Well then, rest up, dear," and went out.
+
+He took off his shirt and saw himself in the mirror on the opposite
+wall; and then took off his under-shirt. The body scars were faint, the
+scars running in long lines, one dissecting his chest, the other slicing
+diagonally across his upper abdomen to disappear under his trousers.
+There were several more on his back, and one on his right thigh. They'd
+been treated properly and would soon disappear. But she had never seen
+them.
+
+Perhaps she never would. Perhaps pajamas and robes and dark rooms would
+keep them from her until they were gone.
+
+Which was not what he'd considered at all important on leaving Walter
+Reed Hospital early this morning; which was something he found
+distasteful, something he felt beneath them both. And, at the same time,
+he began to understand that there would be many things, previously
+beneath them both, which would have to be considered. She had changed;
+Ralphie had changed; all the people he knew had probably
+changed--because they thought _he_ had changed.
+
+He was tired of thinking. He lay down and closed his eyes. He let
+himself taste bitterness, unhappiness, a loneliness he had never known
+before.
+
+But sometime later, as he was dozing off, a sense of reassurance began
+filtering into his mind. After all, he was still Henry Devers, the same
+man who had left home eleven months ago, with a love for family and
+friends which was, if anything, stronger than before. Once he could
+communicate this, the strangeness would disappear and the First One
+would again become good old Hank. It was little enough to ask for--a
+return to old values, old relationships, the normalcies of the backwash
+instead of the freneticisms of the lime-light. It would certainly be
+granted to him.
+
+He slept.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Dinner was at seven P.M. His mother came; his Uncle Joe and Aunt Lucille
+came. Together with Edith, Ralphie and himself, they made six, and ate
+in the dining room at the big table.
+
+Before he'd become the First One, it would have been a noisy affair. His
+family had never been noted for a lack of ebullience, a lack of
+talkativeness, and Ralphie had always chosen mealtimes--especially with
+company present--to describe everything and anything that had happened
+to him during the day. And Edith herself had always chatted, especially
+with his mother, though they didn't agree about much. Still, it had been
+good-natured; the general tone of their lives had been good-natured.
+
+This wasn't good-natured. Exactly what it was he wasn't sure. "Stiff"
+was perhaps the word.
+
+They began with grapefruit, Edith and Mother serving quickly,
+efficiently from the kitchen, then sitting down at the table. He looked
+at Mother as he raised his first spoonful of chilled fruit, and said,
+"Younger than ever." It was nothing new; he'd said it many many times
+before, but his mother had always reacted with a bright smile and a quip
+something like, "Young for the Golden Age Center, you mean." This time
+she burst into tears. It shocked him. But what shocked him even more was
+the fact that no one looked up, commented, made any attempt to comfort
+her; no one indicated in any way that a woman was sobbing at the table.
+
+He was sitting directly across from Mother, and reached out and touched
+her left hand which lay limply beside the silverware. She didn't move
+it--she hadn't touched him once beyond that first, quick, strangely-cool
+embrace at the door--then a few seconds later she withdrew it and let it
+drop out of sight.
+
+So there he was, Henry Devers, at home with the family. So there he was,
+the hero returned, waiting to be treated as a human being.
+
+The grapefruit shells were cleaned away and the soup served. Uncle Joe
+began to talk. "The greatest little development of circular uniform
+houses you ever did see," he boomed in his powerful salesman's voice.
+"Still going like sixty. We'll sell out before--" At that point he
+looked at Hank, and Hank nodded encouragement, desperately interested in
+this normalcy, and Joe's voice died away. He looked down at his plate,
+mumbled, "Soup's getting cold," and began to eat. His hand shook a
+little; his ruddy face was not quite as ruddy as Hank remembered it.
+
+Aunt Lucille made a few quavering statements about the Ladies' Tuesday
+Garden Club, and Hank looked across the table to where she sat between
+Joe and Mother--his wife and son bracketed him, and yet he felt
+alone--and said, "I've missed fooling around with the lawn and the rose
+bushes. Here it is August and I haven't had my hand to a mower or
+trowel."
+
+Aunt Lucille smiled, if you could call it that--a pitiful twitching of
+the lips--and nodded. She threw her eyes in his direction, and past him,
+and then down to her plate. Mother, who was still sniffling, said, "I
+have a dismal headache. I'm going to lie down in the guest room a
+while." She touched his shoulder in passing--his affectionate, effusive
+mother who would kiss stray dogs and strange children, who had often
+irritated him with an excess of physical and verbal caresses--she barely
+touched his shoulder and fled.
+
+So now five of them sat at the table. The meat was served--thin, rare
+slices of beef, the pink blood-juice oozing warmly from the center. He
+cut into it and raised a forkful to his mouth, then glanced at Ralphie
+and said, "Looks fresh enough to have been killed in the back yard."
+Ralphie said, "Yeah, Dad." Aunt Lucille put down her knife and fork and
+murmured something to her husband. Joe cleared his throat and said
+Lucille was rapidly becoming a vegetarian and he guessed she was going
+into the living room for a while. "She'll be back for dessert, of
+course," he said, his laugh sounding forced.
+
+Hank looked at Edith; Edith was busy with her plate. Hank looked at
+Ralphie; Ralphie was busy with his plate. Hank looked at Joe; Joe was
+chewing, gazing out over their heads to the kitchen. Hank looked at
+Lucille; she was disappearing into the living room.
+
+He brought his fist down on the table. The settings jumped; a glass
+overturned, spilling water. He brought it down again and again. They
+were all standing now. He sat there and pounded the table with his big
+right fist--Henry Devers, who would never have thought of making such a
+scene before, but who was now so sick and tired of being treated as the
+First One, of being stood back from, looked at in awe of, felt in fear
+of, that he could have smashed more than a table.
+
+Edith said, "Hank!"
+
+He said, voice hoarse, "Shut up. Go away. Let me eat alone. I'm sick of
+the lot of you."
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Mother and Joe returned a few minutes later where he sat forcing food
+down his throat. Mother said, "Henry dear--" He didn't answer. She began
+to cry, and he was glad she left the house then. He had never said
+anything really bad to his mother. He was afraid this would have been
+the time. Joe merely cleared his throat and mumbled something about
+getting together again soon and "drop out and see the new development"
+and he, too, was gone. Lucille never did manage to speak to him.
+
+He finished his beef and waited. Soon Edith came in with the special
+dessert she'd been preparing half the day--a magnificent English trifle.
+She served him, and spooned out a portion for herself and Ralphie. She
+hesitated near his chair, and when he made no comment she called the
+boy. Then the three of them were sitting, facing the empty side of the
+table. They ate the trifle. Ralphie finished first and got up and said,
+"Hey, I promised--"
+
+"You promised the boys you'd play baseball or football or handball or
+something; anything to get away from your father."
+
+Ralphie's head dropped and he muttered, "Aw, no, Dad."
+
+Edith said, "He'll stay home, Hank. We'll spend an evening
+together--talking, watching TV, playing Monopoly."
+
+Ralphie said, "Gee, sure, Dad, if you want to."
+
+Hank stood up. "The question is not whether I want to. You both know I
+want to. The question is whether _you_ want to."
+
+They answered together that of course they wanted to. But their
+eyes--his wife's and son's eyes--could not meet his, and so he said he
+was going to his room because he was, after all, very tired and would in
+all probability continue to be very tired for a long, long time and that
+they shouldn't count on him for normal social life.
+
+He fell asleep quickly, lying there in his clothes.
+
+But he didn't sleep long. Edith shook him and he opened his eyes to a
+lighted room. "Phil and Rhona are here." He blinked at her. She smiled,
+and it seemed her old smile. "They're so anxious to see you, Hank. I
+could barely keep Phil from coming up and waking you himself. They want
+to go out and do the town. Please, Hank, say you will."
+
+He sat up. "Phil," he muttered. "Phil and Rhona." They'd had wonderful
+times together, from grammar school on. Phil and Rhona, their oldest and
+closest friends. Perhaps this would begin his real homecoming.
+
+Do the town? They'd paint it and then tear it down!
+
+ * * * * *
+
+It didn't turn out that way. He was disappointed; but then again, he'd
+also expected it. This entire first day at home had conditioned him to
+expect nothing good. They went to the bowling alleys, and Phil sounded
+very much the way he always had--soft spoken and full of laughter and
+full of jokes. He patted Edith on the head the way he always had, and
+clapped Hank on the shoulder (but not the way he always had--so much
+more gently, almost remotely), and insisted they all drink more than was
+good for them as he always had. And for once, Hank was ready to go along
+on the drinking. For once, he matched Phil shot for shot, beer for beer.
+
+They didn't bowl very long. At ten o'clock they crossed the road to
+Manfred's Tavern, where Phil and the girls ordered sandwiches and coffee
+and Hank went right on drinking. Edith said something to him, but he
+merely smiled and waved his hand and gulped another ounce of nirvana.
+
+There was dancing to a juke box in Manfred's Tavern. He'd been there
+many times before, and he was sure several of the couples recognized
+him. But except for a few abortive glances in his direction, it was as
+if he were a stranger in a city halfway around the world.
+
+At midnight, he was still drinking. The others wanted to leave, but he
+said, "I haven't danced with my girl Rhona." His tongue was thick, his
+mind was blurred, and yet he could read the strange expression on her
+face--pretty Rhona, who'd always flirted with him, who'd made a ritual
+of flirting with him. Pretty Rhona, who now looked as if she were going
+to be sick.
+
+"So let's rock," he said and stood up.
+
+They were on the dance floor. He held her close, and hummed and chatted.
+And through the alcoholic haze saw she was a stiff-smiled, stiff-bodied,
+mechanical dancing doll.
+
+The number finished; they walked back to the booth. Phil said,
+"Beddy-bye time."
+
+Hank said, "First one dance with my loving wife."
+
+He and Edith danced. He didn't hold her close as he had Rhona. He waited
+for her to come close on her own, and she did, and yet she didn't.
+Because while she put herself against him, there was something in her
+face--no, in her eyes; it always showed in the eyes--that made him know
+she was trying to be the old Edith and not succeeding. This time when
+the music ended, he was ready to go home.
+
+They rode back to town along Route Nine, he and Edith in the rear of
+Phil's car, Rhona driving because Phil had drunk just a little too much,
+Phil singing and telling an occasional bad joke, and somehow not his old
+self. No one was his old self. No one would ever be his old self with
+the First One.
+
+They turned left, to take the short cut along Hallowed Hill Road, and
+Phil finished a story about a Martian and a Hollywood sex queen and
+looked at his wife and then past her at the long, cast-iron fence
+paralleling the road. "Hey," he said, pointing, "do you know why that's
+the most popular place on earth?"
+
+Rhona glanced to the left, and so did Hank and Edith. Rhona made a
+little sound, and Edith seemed to stop breathing, but Phil went on a
+while longer, not yet aware of his supposed _faux pas_.
+
+"You know why?" he repeated, turning to the back seat, the laughter
+rumbling up from his chest. "You know why, folks?"
+
+Rhona said, "Did you notice Carl Braken and his wife at--"
+
+Hank said, "No, Phil, why is it the most popular place on earth?"
+
+Phil said, "Because people are--" And then he caught himself and waved
+his hand and muttered, "I forgot the punch line."
+
+"Because people are dying to get in," Hank said, and looked through the
+window, past the iron fence, into the large cemetery at the fleeting
+tombstones.
+
+The car was filled with horrified silence when there should have been
+nothing but laughter, or irritation at a too-old joke. "Maybe you should
+let me out right here," Hank said. "I'm home--or that's what everyone
+seems to think. Maybe I should lie down in an open grave. Maybe that
+would satisfy people. Maybe that's the only way to act, like Dracula or
+another monster from the movies."
+
+Edith said, "Oh, Hank, don't, don't!"
+
+The car raced along the road, crossed a macadam highway, went four
+blocks and pulled to a stop. He didn't bother saying good night. He
+didn't wait for Edith. He just got out and walked up the flagstone path
+and entered the house.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+"Hank," Edith whispered from the guest room doorway, "I'm so sorry--"
+
+"There's nothing to be sorry about. It's just a matter of time. It'll
+all work out in time."
+
+"Yes," she said quickly, "that's it. I need a little time. We all need a
+little time. Because it's so strange, Hank. Because it's so frightening.
+I should have told you that the moment you walked in. I think I've hurt
+you terribly, we've all hurt you terribly, by trying to hide that we're
+frightened."
+
+"I'm going to stay in the guest room," he said, "for as long as
+necessary. For good if need be."
+
+"How could it be for good? How, Hank?"
+
+That question was perhaps the first firm basis for hope he'd had since
+returning. And there was something else; what Carlisle had told him,
+even as Carlisle himself had reacted as all men did.
+
+"There are others coming, Edith. Eight that I know of in the tanks right
+now. My superior, Captain Davidson, who died at the same moment I
+did--seven months ago next Wednesday--he's going to be next. He was
+smashed up worse than I was, so it took a little longer, but he's almost
+ready. And there'll be many more, Edith. The government is going to save
+all they possibly can from now on. Every time a young and healthy man
+loses his life by accident, by violence, and his body can be recovered,
+he'll go into the tanks and they'll start the regenerative brain and
+organ process--the process that made it all possible. So people have to
+get used to us. And the old stories, the old terrors, the ugly old
+superstitions have to die, because in time each place will have some of
+us; because in time it'll be an ordinary thing."
+
+Edith said, "Yes, and I'm so grateful that you're here, Hank. Please
+believe that. Please be patient with me and Ralphie and--" She paused.
+"There's one question."
+
+He knew what the question was. It had been the first asked him by
+everyone from the president of the United States on down.
+
+"I saw nothing," he said. "It was as if I slept those six and a half
+months--slept without dreaming."
+
+She came to him and touched his face with her lips, and he was
+satisfied.
+
+Later, half asleep, he heard a dog howling, and remembered stories of
+how they announced death and the presence of monsters. He shivered and
+pulled the covers closer to him and luxuriated in being safe in his own
+home.
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The First One, by Herbert D. Kastle
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FIRST ONE ***
+
+***** This file should be named 24192.txt or 24192.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+ http://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/1/9/24192/
+
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+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
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+
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