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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Mythological Zoo, by Oliver Herford
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Mythological Zoo
+
+Author: Oliver Herford
+
+Release Date: December 6, 2007 [EBook #23749]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MYTHOLOGICAL ZOO ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Geetu Melwani and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive/American Libraries.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+The Mythological Zoo
+
+By
+
+Oliver Herford
+
+[Illustration]
+
+New York - Charles Scribner's Sons
+1912
+
+
+Copyright, 1912, by Oliver Herford
+
+Published September, 1912
+
+
+
+
+To
+
+Elwyn Barron
+
+With Affectionate Regard
+
+
+
+
+Contents
+
+ Page
+
+Medusa 2
+The Siren 4
+The Dolphin 6
+The Cockatrice 8
+Cerberus 10
+The Sphinx 12
+The Sea Serpent 14
+The Salamander 16
+The Jinn 18
+The Mermaid 20
+The Unicorn 22
+The Satyr 24
+The Gargoyle 26
+The Chimera 28
+The Ph[oe]nix 30
+The Gryphon 32
+The Harpy 34
+The Centaur 36
+Pegasus 38
+The Hydra 40
+The Hyppogriff 42
+The Minotaur 44
+
+
+
+
+The Mythological Zoo
+
+
+
+
+Medusa
+
+
+How did Medusa do her hair?
+The question fills me with despair.
+It must have caused her sore distress
+That head of curling snakes to dress.
+Whenever after endless toil
+She coaxed it finally to coil,
+The music of a Passing Band
+Would cause each separate hair to stand
+On end and sway and writhe and spit,--
+She couldn't "do a thing with it."
+And, being woman and aware
+Of such disaster to her hair,
+What _could_ she do but petrify
+All whom she met, with freezing eye?
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Siren
+
+
+The Siren may be said to be
+The Chorus-Lady of the Sea;
+Tho' Mermaids claim her as their kin,
+Instead of fishy tail and fin
+Two shapely feet rejoice the view
+(With all that appertains thereto).
+When to these other charms we add
+A voice that drives the hearer mad,
+Who will dispute her claim to be
+The Chorus-Lady of the Sea?
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Dolphin
+
+
+The Dolphin was, if you should wish
+To call him so,--the King of Fish.
+Though having neither gills nor scales,
+His title _should be_ Prince of Whales.
+While too small waisted to provide
+A Jonah with a Berth Inside,
+The Dolphin has been known to pack
+A Drowning Sailor on his back
+And bear him safely into port,--
+He was a Taxi-whale, in short.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Cockatrice
+
+
+If you will listen to advice
+You will avoid the Cockatrice--
+A caution I need hardly say
+Wholly superfluous to-day.
+Yet had you lived when they were rife
+Such warning might have saved your life.
+To meet the Cockatrice's eye
+Means certain death--and that is why
+When I its features here portray
+I make it look the other way.
+O Cockatrice! were you so mean
+What must the _Hen_atrice have been!
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Cerberus
+
+
+Dear Reader, should you chance to go
+To Hades, do not fail to throw
+A "Sop to Cerberus" at the gate,
+His anger to propitiate.
+Don't say "Good dog!" and hope thereby
+His three fierce Heads to pacify.
+What though he try to be polite
+And wag his Tail with all his might,
+How shall one amiable Tail
+Against three angry Heads prevail?
+The Heads _must_ win.--What puzzles me
+Is why in Hades there should be
+A Watch dog; 'tis, I should surmise,
+The _last_ place one would burglarize.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Sphinx
+
+
+She was half Lady and half cat--
+What is so wonderful in that?
+Half of our lady friends (so say
+The other half) are _Cats_ to-day.
+In Egypt she made quite a stir,
+They carved huge Images of her.
+Riddles she asked of all she met
+And all who answered wrong, she ate.
+When Oedipus her riddle solved
+The minx--I mean the Sphinx--dissolved
+In tears. What is there, when one thinks,
+So wonderful about the Sphinx?
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Sea Serpent
+
+
+O wondrous worm that won the Height
+Of Fame by keeping out of sight!
+Never was known on Land or Sea
+Such a Colossal Modesty;
+Never such arrogant pretence
+Of Ostentatious Diffidence.
+Celebrity whom none has seen,
+Save some Post Prandial Marine,
+No magazine can reproduce
+Your Photograph.--Oh, what's the use
+Of doing things when one may be
+So Famous a Nonentity!
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Salamander
+
+
+The Salamander made his bed
+Among the glowing embers red.
+A Fiery Furnace, to his mind,
+Hygiene and Luxury combined.
+He was, if I may put it so,
+A Saurian Abednigo.
+He loved to climb with nimble ease
+The branches of the Gas-log Trees
+Where oft on chilly winter nights
+He rose to dizzy Fahrenheits.
+Believers in Soul Transmigration
+See in him the Re-incarnation
+Of those Sad Plagues of summer, who
+Ask, "Is it hot enough for you?"
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Jinn
+
+
+To call a Jinn the only thing
+One needed was a magic ring.
+You rubbed the ring and forth there came
+A monster born of smoke and flame,
+A thing of Vapor, Fume and Glare
+Ready to waft you anywhere.
+The magic Jinns of yesterday
+The wand of Science now obey.
+You ring, and lo! with rush and roar
+The panting monster's at the door,
+A thing of Vapor, Fume and Glare
+Ready to take you anywhere.
+What's in a name? What choice between
+The Giants, Jinn and Gasolene?
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Mermaid
+
+
+Although a Fishwife in a sense,
+She does not barter Fish for Pence.
+Fisher of Men, her Golden Nets
+For foolish Sailormen she sets.
+All day she combs her hair and longs
+For Dimpled Feet and Curling-tongs.
+All night she dreams in ocean caves
+Of Low tide Shoes and Marcel Waves.
+And while the Fishwife, making sales,
+May sell her wares upon her scales,
+The Mermaid, wonderful to tell,
+Must wear her scales upon hersel'.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Unicorn
+
+
+The Unicorn 's a first-rate sort.
+He helps the Lion to support
+The royal arms of England's King
+And keep the Throne from tottering.
+I wonder what the King would do
+If his supporters all withdrew?
+Perhaps he'd try the Stage; a Throne
+Should be an easy stepping-stone
+To histrionic Heights, and who
+Knows till he tries what he can do?
+The King, with diligence and care,
+_Might_ rise to be a Manager.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Satyr
+
+
+The Satyr lived in times remote,
+A shape half-human and half-goat,
+Who, having all Man's faults combined
+With a Goat's nature unrefined,
+Was not what you would call a bright
+Example or a shining light.
+Far be it from me to condone
+The Satyr's sins, yet I must own
+I like to think there were a few
+Young Satyrs who to Heaven flew,
+And when Saint Peter, thunder browed,
+Seeing them, cried, "No goats allowed!"
+Although the gate slammed quickly to,
+Somehow their human halves got through;
+Whereat the kindly saint relented,
+And that's how Cherubs were invented.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Gargoyle
+
+
+The Gargoyle often makes its perch
+On a cathedral or a church,
+Where, mid ecclesiastic style,
+It smiles an early-Gothic smile.
+And while the parson, dignified,
+Spouts at his weary flock inside,
+The Gargoyle, from its lofty seat,
+Spouts at the people in the street,
+And, like the parson, seems to say
+To those beneath him, "Let us spray."
+I like the Gargoyle best; it plays
+So cheerfully on rainy days,
+While parsons (no one can deny)
+Are awful dampers--when they're dry.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Chimera
+
+
+You'd think a lion or a snake
+Were quite enough one's nerves to shake;
+But in this classic beast we find
+A lion and a snake combined,
+And, just as if that weren't enough,
+A goat thrown in to make it tough.
+Let scientists the breed pooh! pooh!
+Come with me to some Social Zoo
+And hear the bearded Lion bleat
+Goat-like on patent-kidded feet,
+Whose "Civil leer and damning praise"
+The serpent's cloven tongue betrays.
+Lo! lion, goat, and snake combined!
+Thus Nature doth repeat her kind.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Ph[oe]nix
+
+
+The Ph[oe]nix was, as you might say,
+The burning question of his day:
+The more he burned, the more he grew
+Splendiferous in feathers new.
+And from his ashes rising bland,
+Did business at the same old stand.
+But though good people went about
+And talked, they could not put him out.
+A wond'rous bird--indeed, they say
+He is not quite extinct to-day.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Gryphon
+
+
+It chanced that Allah, looking round,
+When he had made his creatures, found
+Half of an Eagle and a pair
+Of extra Lion legs to spare.
+So, hating waste, he took some glue
+And made a Gryphon of the two.
+But when his handiwork he eyed,
+He frowned--and it was petrified,
+Doomed for all time to represent
+Impatience on a monument.
+Sometimes upon our path to-day
+Its living counterpart will stray--
+Columbia's Eagle strutting in
+An awf'ly English Lion's skin,
+With glass in eye and swagg'ring gait:
+Behold the Gryphon up to date.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Harpy
+
+
+They certainly contrived to raise
+Queer ladies in the olden days.
+Either the type had not been fixed,
+Or else Zoology got mixed.
+I envy not primeval man
+This female on the feathered plan.
+We only have, I'm glad to say,
+Two kinds of human bird to-day--
+Women and warriors, who still
+Wear feathers when dressed up to kill.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Centaur
+
+
+The Centaur led a double life:
+Two natures in perpetual strife
+He had, that never could agree
+On what the bill-of-fare should be;
+For when the man-half set his heart
+On taking dinner _a la carte_,
+The horse was sure to cast his vote
+Unswervingly for _table d'OAT_.
+A pretty sort of life to lead;
+The horse in time went off his feed,
+The hungry man was nigh demented,
+When one day--OATMEAL was invented!
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Pegasus
+
+
+The ancients made no end of fuss
+About a horse named Pegasus,
+A famous flyer of his time,
+Who often soared to heights sublime,
+When backed by some poetic chap
+For the Parnassus Handicap.
+Alas for fame! The other day
+I saw an ancient "one-hoss shay"
+Stop at the Mont de Piete,
+And, lo! alighting from the same,
+A bard, whom I forbear to name.
+Noting the poor beast's rusty hide
+(The horse, I mean), methought I spied
+What once were wings. Incredulous,
+I cried, "Can _this_ be Pegasus!"
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Hydra
+
+
+The Hydra Hercules defied,
+Its nine diminished heads must hide
+Before the baneful modern beast
+Who has a thousand heads at least.
+See how in horrid tiers they rise,
+With straining ears and bulging eyes,
+While, blinded by fierce calcium rays,
+The trembling victim tribute pays
+Of song or measure, mime or jest,
+To soothe the savage Hydra's breast.
+If she please not the monster's whim,
+Wild scribes will tear her limb from limb;
+Even if charmed, he rend the air
+With hideous joy, let her beware;
+For she must surely, soon or late,
+Fall 'neath the hissing Hydra's hate.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Hyppogriff
+
+
+Biologists are prone to sniff
+At hybrids like the Hyppogriff.
+In evolution's plan, they say,
+There is no place for such as they.
+A horse with wings could not have more
+Than two legs, and this beast had four.
+Well, I for one am glad to waive
+Two of his legs, his wings to save.
+I'd even sell my auto--if
+I had one--for a Hyppogriff.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+The Minotaur
+
+
+No book of monsters is complete
+Without the Minotaur of Crete.
+Yet should I draw him you would quail,
+So in his place I draw a veil.
+O stars, that from Creation's birth
+Have winked at everything on earth,
+Who shine where poets fear to tread,
+ Relate the story in my stead!
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Although it's comforting to know
+That Theseus slew him long ago,
+_We_ need not boast, we too could do
+With--well, a Theseus or two.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+The End.
+
+
+
+
+ * * * * *
+
+
+ BOOKS BY OLIVER HERFORD
+
+_WITH PICTURES BY THE AUTHOR_
+
+PUBLISHED BY CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS
+
+
+THE BASHFUL EARTHQUAKE $1.25
+
+A CHILD'S PRIMER OF NATURAL HISTORY $1.25
+
+OVERHEARD IN A GARDEN $1.25
+
+MORE ANIMALS _net_, $1.00
+
+THE RUBAIYAT OF A PERSIAN KITTEN _net_, $1.00
+
+THE FAIRY GODMOTHER-IN-LAW _net_, $1.00
+
+A LITTLE BOOK OF BORES _net_, $1.00
+
+THE PETER PAN ALPHABE _net_, $1.00
+
+THE ASTONISHING TALE OF A PEN-AND-INK PUPPET _net_, $1.00
+
+A KITTEN'S GARDEN OF VERSES _net_, $1.00
+
+THE MYTHOLOGICAL ZOO _net_, .75
+
+
+_WITH JOHN CECIL CLAY_
+
+CUPID'S CYCLOPEDIA _net_, $1.00
+
+CUPID'S FAIR-WEATHER BOOKE _net_, $1.00
+
+
+ * * * * *
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Mythological Zoo, by Oliver Herford
+
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