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diff --git a/23542.txt b/23542.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cbea98b --- /dev/null +++ b/23542.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3531 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Side Show Studies, by Francis Metcalfe + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Side Show Studies + +Author: Francis Metcalfe + +Illustrator: Oliver Herford + +Release Date: November 19, 2007 [EBook #23542] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SIDE SHOW STUDIES *** + + + + +Produced by Stephen Blundell and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + + + + SIDE SHOW + STUDIES + + + BY + FRANCIS METCALFE + + + _ILLUSTRATED WITH MANY AMUSING DRAWINGS + BY OLIVER HERFORD_ + + + NEW YORK + THE OUTING PUBLISHING COMPANY + 1906 + + + + + Copyright, 1905 and 1906, by + THE OUTING PUBLISHING COMPANY + + First impression, March, 1906 + + + THE OUTING PRESS + DEPOSIT, N. Y. + + + + +CONTENTS + + + PAGE + + THE LIBERTY OF FRANZ AND THE REBELLION OF FUZZY WUZZY 1 + + THE BITE OF A RATTLER AND THE SAD FATE OF BIG PETE 23 + + THE AMOROUS BABOON 45 + + FEEDING THE SERPENTS AND A GRAND TRANSFORMATION 67 + + THE LIONESS SKIRT DANCE AND THE INCONSIDERATE PYTHON 89 + + THE ANIMAL BAROMETER AND THE ETERNAL FEMININE 113 + + MAKING A STAR LION AND AN INTERRUPTED TEMPERANCE MEETING 137 + + KALSOMINING AN ELEPHANT 163 + + THE HYPNOTIC BEAR AND THE SENTIMENTAL LECTURER 183 + + THE TRAGEDY OF THE TIGERS AND THE POWER OF HYPNOTISM 211 + + + + +THE LIBERTY OF FRANZ AND THE REBELLION OF FUZZY WUZZY + + + + +THE LIBERTY OF FRANZ AND THE REBELLION OF FUZZY WUZZY + + +Madame Morelli, the pretty little Frenchwoman who makes a half-score of +leopards, panthers and jaguars do things which nature never intended +them to do, had finished her act and driven the snarling performers +through the narrow runway to their separate cages, fastening each one, +as she thought, securely. Two French clowns were filling in the time and +making the audience of Coney Island pleasure seekers laugh by their +antics with a performing dog, while the stage hands were bringing in the +properties for the next trained animal act, when the Proprietor came +from behind the scenes and strolled, apparently unconcerned, to the back +of the Arena, where he could command a clear view of the performance, +the audience and the cages. He said a few words to each of the trainers +and keepers whom he passed, and the Stranger, who knew the clock-like +regularity with which each one of them went through his allotted duties, +noticed an unwonted haste and suppressed excitement among them. + +As he joined the Proprietor the sound of hammering mingled with the +noise of the blatant brass band and the cries of the ballyhoo spielers +for the other Dreamland attractions, which came in through the open +windows, and he saw that Stevenson, the mild eyed quiet man who is +always on hand to rescue imperiled trainers and keepers when their own +carelessness, or unexpected revolt on the part of the animals, leads to +a fight, was rapidly nailing boards over the ventilating spaces above +the cages. Madam Morelli, whip and training rod in hand, hurried from +her dressing room to the runway, and every keeper and trainer seemed to +be loitering in the space between the leopards' den and the audience. + +He looked at the Proprietor inquiringly, but the little trickle of +blood which ran down his cheek from under his cap answered the question +he would have asked, an animal was loose and the Proprietor had +encountered it in his rounds. A crash of weird music from the band +drowned the sound of a cracking whip and sharp commands which came from +the runway, and announced the appearance of Brandu, the snake charmer, +in the exhibition cage, and the audience watched him play with a cobra, +all unconscious that Franz, the jaguar, which a few minutes before had +desisted from his attempt to tear the fair shoulders of Morelli only +after a dozen blank cartridges had been fired in his face, was a +gentleman-at-large in Dreamland. The Proprietor gave a sigh of relief as +the jaguar backed into his cage from the runway, snarling and striking +at the little woman who forced him backward with the whip until she was +able to slam the door and make him once more a prisoner. When she passed +them on her way back to the dressing-room, her dress was torn, and her +eyes were flashing from the excitement of the encounter and anger at the +carelessness of the carpenter who had left a board loose at the top of +the den. + +[Illustration: _The table in front of the Arena._] + +"Of course, that might have been a serious thing for the jaguar and for +my pocket book," said the Proprietor as three deep scratches in his head +were being plastered up. "I couldn't afford to take any chances of an +accident, and he would have been shot if he had attempted to come +through a ventilator into the Arena, but a trained animal like that is +worth a goodish bit of money. He let me know he was loose by giving me +his love pat when I was walking through the runway, and as Morelli is +the only one who can do anything with him I sent for her. She can whip +considerably more than her own weight in wild-cats, and there was not +the slightest danger to the audience, but not many men would have +relished her task of going into that passage with the beast loose on top +of the cages." He negatived the Press Agent's suggestion to make a +scare-head story of the escape for the papers, and suggested that they +should go up and hear Madam Morelli's account of it. She was sitting on +the edge of her bed, mending a rip which the jaguar's sharp claws had +made in her gown, and she shrugged her shoulders when the Stranger +inquired if she had been hurt. + +[Illustration: _Two French clowns and a performing dog._] + +"It was nothing," she said laughing. "He jumped at me from the top of a +cage when I came in, but I beat him off and whipped him back into his +cage. It was only the close quarters which made it bad, for I am used to +fighting them." She was interrupted by a yapping and caterwauling in the +doorway, and sprang on the bed, her face white with terror, as a small +terrier and the menagerie cat rolled into the room in a clawing, biting +mix-up. The terrier was raising a litter of puppies in the next room, +and the cat had transformed the space back of Morelli's bed into a +feline nursery, and a meeting of the two anxious mothers in the hall had +led to trouble. Madam Morelli always goes through her performance in an +evening dress, and she stood on the bed, her long train gathered closely +about her, trembling like a leaf, when the Proprietor finally separated +the combatants and restored peace. + +"You wouldn't think that a woman who had just come from a fight with a +two hundred pound jaguar, which could easily tear her to pieces, would +be scared at a scrap between a toy terrier and a mongrel cat," said the +Proprietor, laughing, as he led the way to the cafe table. "But she +makes a specialty of the larger species." + +"This matter of specialties seems to run through every branch of the +show business," said the Press Agent as they took their seats at the +table. "I ran a dime museum in St. Louis a few years ago--in those days +there was lots of money in it--and the freaks would never stand for any +change in their billing. We used to have a fresh lot sent on by our New +York agent every two weeks, and one Monday morning when I went down to +look over the new arrivals, I knew that he had been up against the demon +Rum, when he engaged such a tough looking bunch. The alleged fat woman +looked as if she was wasting away with consumption, and the bearded lady +had a way of absentmindedly humming the popular airs in a bass voice +which gave the whole snap away. There was one likely looking girl and +when I asked her what she was she told me she was the web-footed lady +and showed me her feet, which had little pieces of skin growing between +the toes. + +"I knew that wasn't good enough, so I told her she was mistaken; that +she was a Circassian beauty, and I gave her a wig and the fixings and +put her on the platform. But say, would you believe it? She was so mad +and embarrassed by the change in her stunt that when the lecturer was +calling attention to her blond beauty, she would blush until she looked +like an Indian Princess, and every time he turned his back she would +take off her shoes and wiggle her toes at the audience to show what she +really was. + +[Illustration: _"Things which Nature never intended them to do."_] + +"It was up to us to get some real attraction to tide over the time until +our agent should get sober and send us another bunch of freaks, so +Merritt, who was my partner, and myself hunted up a big buck nigger and +made a deal with him to go on as a 'Wild Man.' We ripped up a hair +mattress and glued the contents onto him, and wired a couple of big +tusks to his teeth, and with an iron collar around his neck and a log +chain around his waist he was as good an imitation as was ever faked. We +put him in a big cage which we had used the week before for a mangy old +lion; one of the five hundred or so 'Wallace the Untamables' which were +touring the country, and Merritt taught him to howl like a steam +calliope. + +"We called him 'Fuzzy Wuzzy, the Terrible Man-Eating Cannibal,' which +was a waste of words, but Merritt had language to burn. He had got hold +of a phony five hundred dollar bill, and when he was giving his spiel +about how Fuzzy Wuzzy was captured upon a desert island, where he was +found chewing a human leg, and how he couldn't eat anything but raw +meat, and was always trying to get at his keeper for dessert, he would +wave his phony five hundred spot over his head and give it to 'em good. + +"'Five hundred dollars, ladies and gents, I will give to any man who +will remain for the short space of two minutes in the cage with Fuzzy +Wuzzy! Five hundred dollars to any man who is brave enough to run the +risk of letting this terrible man-eating cannibal get his hinder limbs +about him, for then all would be lost and Fuzzy Wuzzy would fasten his +terrible fangs in his victim's throat and suck his ber-lud.' + +"Well, it was a good spiel, all right, all right, and when Merritt +struck that part one of the supers would prod up old Fuzzy, who would +rattle his chains and howl for fair, and the audience would get cold +chills down their backs. We were playing to the S. R. O., and giving so +many shows a day that Merritt pretty nearly lost his voice, and Fuzzy +had been prodded so much that he had to take his meals standing up. We +ran 'em through pretty fast, and one afternoon Merritt was just going to +give the 'All out' signal, which cleared the exhibition hall for the +next performance, when up steps a big husky black roustabout from the +levee and commences to strip off his coat. + +"'Jes' a minit, boss,' says he. 'Ah reckon ah needs dat five hundred in +mah bizness,' and Merritt looks at him in astonishment. + +"'My deluded colored brother,' says he, 'Do you appreciate the fact that +you are going to a certain and horrible death? If this terrible Fuzzy +Wuzzy gets his hinder limbs about you he will suck your ber-lud.' + +"'Ah doan reckon he'll git me, an' ah suttenly needs de money,' answers +the coon, and continues to strip, and Merritt sizes him up and sees the +finish of Fuzzy Wuzzy, who was shaking the bars and trying to get away +from the super who was prodding him; but everybody thought he was trying +to get at the coon to make a meal of him, and some of the women folks +were getting hysterics. One of the boys had put me wise, and I broke +through the crowd and called a halt in the proceedings. + +"'Ladies and gentlemen,' says I, 'I didn't believe that a man existed +who was foolhardy enough to be tempted to certain death by the lure of +a paltry five hundred dollars. But although this man is so reckless of +his own life, I must insist that he get a permit from the mayor, +relieving us from all responsibility, before we allow him to be torn +limb from limb. Return to-morrow at two o'clock, and if this man's +courage still keeps up, you will see before your shuddering eyes an +encounter which will make the historical gladiatorial combats of ancient +Rome pale into insignificance.' I could sling a few language myself, +those days, and the mayor was a friend of mine--or I thought he was--so +I figured we could catch the suckers for an admission and then call it +off, because he would refuse a permit. + +[Illustration: _"Blank cartridges fired in his face."_] + +"But he was onto the game and he was one of those blame fools who +thought he had a sense of humor, so he gives him a document with a big +red seal on it which looks like a doctor's diploma, which says that +Thomas Jefferson is allowed to go in and win our five hundred, and the +next day the coon shows up smiling and ready, and I knew we had to make +good somehow. I passed the word to Merritt to delay the game and make a +last grand effort to throw a scare into the coon, and he put up a spiel +to beat the band. + +"'This terrible Fuzzy Wuzzy has none of the attributes of a human +being,' says he. 'He lives upon raw meat and would prefer human flesh if +he could get it. Observe the expression of ghoulish glee in his eyes as +he regards the foolhardy man who will soon furnish him such a meal as he +formerly enjoyed in his native jungle. He sleeps at night suspended from +the top bars of his cage by his claw-like hands and feet, which will +soon be tearing the flesh of this man who stands before you now, a +picture of perfect health and strength. He speaks no intelligible +language, but he utters howls and yells, which will be more horrible +than ever before when he is sucking the warm heart's be-lud of the +figure which you see before you for the last time in human shape.' Just +then the super gives Fuzzy a prod and he howls like Balaam's ass, but +the coon stands there smiling and not feazed a bit. + +"'It's a sad sight,' continues Merritt, 'to see a fine man in the prime +of life, like our colored brother here, crushed into an unrecognizable +mass by the terrible hinder limbs of this man-eating cannibal and then +torn to shreds by his horrible fangs. The management of this highly +moral and intellectual show will provide a funeral for the remains, if +there are any, and now, ladies and gents, I call upon you to witness +that we are not responsible for the terrible end which awaits this +reckless man.' + +"I had taken the precaution to button up the box office 'take' in my +inside pocket, and while Merritt was making a bluff at looking for the +key to the cage door I looked around to see that there was a free exit, +for the coon was standing there swelling out his chest and grinning as +if he had the five hundred already in his jeans, and I knew he couldn't +be bluffed out. Just then a typical antebellum Missourian, one of the +kind that has to be shown, steps up in front. He was tanked up until his +safety valve would have blown off if it hadn't been wired down, but he +was pretty steady on his pins when he held onto the railing in front of +the cage. + +[Illustration: _"Five hundred dollars to any one who will enter the +cage."_] + +"'Professah,' says he, 'did I undahstand yo' all correctly to say that +this yeah object in the cage has none of the attributes of the human +race?' + +"'Correct!' says Merritt, glad of an excuse to delay things. 'He is +lower than the beasts of the field.' + +"'Well, he suttenly aint much to look at,' says the Southerner, looking +him over carefully. 'He won't eat like folks--he can't talk--an' he +sleeps like a bat. I dunno why such a pusillanimous critter should +cumber the yearth,' and with that he puts his hand to his hip and pulls +out a forty-five from under the tails of his coat. Fuzzy takes one look +at it, and it didn't need any prodding to make him holler, and he tries +to tear off the false tusks. + +"'Foh Gawd's sake, mistah, doan shoot!' he yells. 'Dat white mahn's been +tellin' a passel ob lies about me until ah's sartain suah somefing gwine +fer to git me. Ah can eat an' talk like any one, an' mos' ebery one +knows me about yeah wen ah ain't got dese yeah contraptions on.' + +"'Shut up, you blame fool!' says Merritt. 'He won't shoot you.' + +"'Mebbe he knows dat, mebbe you knows dat; but how does I know dat?' +yells Fuzzy. 'Dat gun suttenly looks big to me.' + +"About this time the other coon got wise and saw the five hundred +vanishing, and the last I saw of Merritt he was trying to break a +half-Nelson that the coon had got on him and dodge the rest of the crowd +at the same time. I left St. Louis on a freight that night, wearing a +few lumps where some stray brickbats landed, and the next time I saw +Merritt was in Chicago, and he was on crutches and had his head covered +with plaster." + +No thunderbolt dropped from the blue dome over the Dreamland tower, and +the Proprietor, with a childlike and bland smile on his face, motioned +to the waiter to refill the glasses. + + + + +THE BITE OF A RATTLER AND THE SAD FATE OF BIG PETE + + + + +THE BITE OF A RATTLER AND THE SAD FATE OF BIG PETE + + +Like the pitcher which went to the well until it met the proverbial +fate, the trainer entered the lion's den once too often, and what +remained of him was placed in an ambulance and taken to the hospital. +After the performance for the evening was over, Baltimore, the bad lion, +who had suddenly developed a craving for human flesh, had been dealt +with by the Proprietor of the menagerie in a manner which would spoil +his appetite for many a day to come and make him remember that trainers +cannot be mangled with impunity. + +Most of the lights were extinguished at Dreamland, but two men sat at +the table in front of the Arena with the Proprietor, discussing the +accident and listening to stories of former encounters which he +related. His own body bears the scars of many a battle with his savage +charges, but he has discontinued giving personal exhibitions with them +in the large cage, because his wife has developed a prejudice against +having him brought to her in fragments, and he has found that the +training of trainers is a far more difficult task than the education of +wild animals. + +"Yes, any man who follows this business carries his life in his hands," +he said in answer to a question from the Stranger within the gates. "You +helped to care for poor Bonavita to-night, after Baltimore finished with +him, so you know what a lion's jaws can do. I've seen 'em chewed up as +bad as that and get over it, but they never get quite the same again. +Leave the business? No; it is like the sea: a man who takes to it keeps +it up until the time comes when he doesn't recover, but after a bad +accident he usually takes another breed of animals. + +"The worst sight I ever saw was about five years ago, when one of our +performing bears turned on its trainer and seized his arm. He worried +it as a terrier would a bone for a good twenty minutes before we could +drive him off, and the bear died from the punishment we gave him. The +man's arm isn't much use to him now, but he is crazy for me to give him +another group of animals to train, which I can't do because a man needs +two good pairs of limbs when he gets into the exhibition cage." He told +of many accidents which had happened to himself and his employees, most +of them through their own carelessness, born of constant association +with their charges who never miss the opportunity which the shortest +instant of forgetfulness gives them. + +[Illustration: _"A constant procession of small animals moving down his +throat."_] + +"I said that bear attack was the worst sight I ever saw, and it was; but +something happened here last year which impressed me more because it was +so mysterious. A friend of mine in Florida shipped me a box of rattlers, +which he wrote had been 'attended to,' and I supposed that their poison +fangs had been extracted. They were delivered just before the +performance started and I ripped a board off the box and stuck my hand +in, grabbing them one by one and throwing them into the den as if they +were garter snakes. + +"The man who took care of the snakes was out on the ballyhoo, walking +around with the gander following him to advertise the show; and when he +came in he looked them over and found that each one had as pretty a pair +of fangs as you would wish to see. He told me about it and I confess +that it gave me a gone feeling in the pit of my stomach, for I +remembered how I had felt around for them in the box with my bare +hands. + +"I am pretty busy while a performance is going on, so I told him to let +them alone until I had a chance to examine them. Ninety per cent. of the +accidents which occur in a menagerie comes from the disregard of +ordinary precautions or the disobedience of orders, and I had a +presentiment that something was going to happen and I was keeping an +extra vigilant eye on the performers in the big exhibition cage. Well, +it happened, all right; but not in the way that I expected. + +"The snake man instead of getting back on the ballyhoo where he +belonged, stood around the snake cage, watching the new rattlers, and +along came a couple of gazabos who commenced talking about them. One of +them was the wise guy, who always knows about how the animals are doped +so they won't bite and all that other information which isn't so. He +commenced explaining how the snakes were harmless, because their teeth +had been pulled, and giving a lot of misinformation about them. The +snake man listened until he couldn't stand it any longer and then he +stuck his hand into the cage and grabbed one of the rattlers by the +neck. + +"'Fangs pulled, eh?' says he, and he made the rattler open his mouth and +show a perfect pair of stingers. The wise guy took one look at them and +fled, and the snake man would have carried it off all right, only he was +so busy calling a few choice names after him that he placed the snake +back in the cage instead of throwing it in, and the rattler struck him +before he could draw his hand out. He had a clown make-up on, so I +couldn't tell whether he was pale or not when he came to me a few +minutes later and held out his hand, but there was a queer expression on +his face and I knew that my apprehensions had not been groundless. + +"There were just two little red dots, no bigger than pin heads, on the +back of his hand. + +"'You got it, didn't you?' says I. + +"'Good and plenty,' says he. 'My arm hurts me already.' + +"We got busy right away and took him up to the hospital where Bonavita +is now. Say, he was a very thin man and you can see that I'm no +lightweight; but by midnight the right side of his body and his right +arm and leg were swollen to my size, and in the morning all of the +swollen part was as black as a coal. He was suffering terribly, and I +tried to get hold of the Arab snake doctor but couldn't locate him, so I +wired to Rochester for Rattlesnake Pete. He came down and a mighty +interesting man he is, but he couldn't do anything which 'Doc' up at the +hospital hadn't done, and it was five days before my man was out of +danger. He was not a drinking man--I finished having drunkards around my +show a good many years ago--and the whiskey took right hold of him and +pulled him through. 'Doc' kept squirting some red stuff into his arm, +but it was the 'red-eye' which saved him--and that reminds me." + +[Illustration: _"The wise guy."_] + +He beckoned to the waiter and each one ordered his favorite antidote for +a possible snake bite. + +"Did he return to the show?" asked the Stranger, after he had rendered +himself immune. + +[Illustration: _Noah listens to the tale of a Johnstown flood +survivor._] + +"He sure did; you couldn't keep him away, but he has never been fond of +snakes since. It is the same man whom you saw putting the group of +elephants through their paces to-night." + +It was growing late, and the Proprietor announced that he was going to +show his wife a good husband and said good-night, but the Stranger +waited for the story which he saw was trembling upon his companion's +lips, and induced the sleepy waiter to bring a farewell dose of +snake-bite antidote. The man was unknown to him by name, but his +personality promised to be interesting, for his face spoke of good +living, the red of his complexion was evidently not entirely due to +exposure to the sun, and the little sacs under the eyes indicated that +he was apt to be the last of a convivial party to suggest breaking up. + +He had listened to the Proprietor's stories with the same bored +expression which Noah might wear in hearing the experiences of a +survivor of the Johnstown flood, and he looked regretfully at the vacant +chair, now that his turn had come. + +"Snakes!" he exclaimed with a contemptuous snort. "What does the boss +know about 'em? I used to own the only snake that was worth having. Ever +hear of 'Big Pete'?" The Stranger confessed his ignorance, and the +other settled back in his chair and lighted a fresh cigar. + +"I'll tell you about him, then. You know that a snake is a queer +proposition in a menagerie. They get sore mouths--canker the fakirs +call it--and won't eat, and then, if you've got any investment in 'em +you want to get it out mighty quick, for they are no orchids. I was +pretty well on my uppers, after a bad season on the road, when a guy +named Merritt came to me and said he could get a fine snake cheap, and +he thought we might make some money out of him by showing him to the +Rubes at the county fairs. + +"What I didn't know about snakes would have filled a book, but when I +saw this one I knew it was a bargain. It was the blamedest biggest snake +that ever gave a wriggle, and the only reason its owners had not made a +fortune was because it was never properly advertised. I used to know +just how much he weighed and how long he was, but my brain got so tired +figuring up the money we made out of him that I've had no memory for +figures since. + +"Well, as I said, I was pretty hard up, but I had this sparkler left for +'fall money,' and when I saw that snake I pushed it over my uncle's +counter." He pointed to a large yellow diamond in his scarf, and the +Stranger tried to make a mental calculation of a pawnbroker's valuation +of it. + +"Merritt managed to dig up some mazuma, and we chipped in fifty apiece +and became the proud possessors of Big Pete. If I had been wise to the +business I would have known there was something wrong to make him sell +so cheap, but we more than got our money back out of him the first week, +so we had no kick coming. The newspaper boys were good to us and gave us +a lot of space, and we were playing on velvet and had Pete besides. It +was such a cinch that Merritt, who looked after the snake while I did +the spieling and sold tickets on the front, commenced to get worried for +fear we should lose him. + +"'Jim,' says he to me one morning when business was a little dull, 'I +believe there's something phony about the blame snake. He won't eat and +I've tempted him with the best I could get. I guess I'll run down to the +Bowery and get one of those snake sharps to come up and have a look at +him; I believe his teeth need filling.' + +[Illustration: _"Just two little red dots on the back of his hand."_] + +"I knew he was stuck on a girl that was doing a turn in a music hall +down that way, but business was dull, so I let him go without raising a +holler. The next day he comes back with a jaw-carpenter who claimed he +knew all about snakes and when he gets through looking at Pete's mouth +we felt pretty blue. + +"'Canker!' says he. 'Your little snakelet may live a month.' + +"Well, that put it up to us to get busy, so I did the spieling on the +outside until my voice gave out, and Merritt lied on the inside until he +was black in the face, telling the Rubes about how many sheep old Pete +swallowed every week. We had a lot of rabbits and doves with him in the +cage, hopping and flying around behind the thick glass front, and they +were real sociable with old Pete, who never batted an eye at 'em. At the +end of the month he was looking pretty thin and we were afraid he would +peg out any day. It was hard luck on us, for things were coming our way +and our bank rolls were getting good and plenty thick and they were all +'yellow boys,' from the case card to the wrapper. Our wads grew fatter +as Pete grew thinner, and we were looking for some easy mark to unload +him onto, when one morning Merritt comes running out, just as I was +staving off a farmer who had heard him lie and brought around a flock of +scabby sheep to sell to us for snake food. + +"'Jim,' he yells, grabbing me by the shoulders and waltzing around like +a whirling dervish, 'we'll make Vanderbilt and Rockefeller look like +thirty cents; old Pete has swallowed every blame pigeon and rabbit in +the coop.' + +"It seemed too good to be true, but when I went to have a look there was +not a feather nor a piece of fur to be seen and old Pete was examining +all the corners of the cage to see that he hadn't overlooked a bit. He +looked a whole lot better already, and Merritt and I began to discuss +what we should do with all our money. + +"But say, there was one thing we forgot to reckon on--the appetite he +had been saving for about a year, and although the money came in faster +than ever, most of it went out to the rabbit men and pigeon fanciers. + +"You know that when a snake swallows an animal you can see the bulge in +him for a long time, but you couldn't see any in old Pete. He was just +the same size all the way from his nose to the tip of his tail, for +there was no space between the animals. + +"Things began to look pretty serious for us, for we had used up all the +available small live stock in the surrounding country, and the Rubes got +onto the fact that we were up against their game and raised the ante on +us for what was left. It's like taking candy from a child to sell a gold +brick to a farmer, but he everlastingly gets back at you if you have to +buy any of his produce. Hungry Joe and the man who invented the +green-goods game would be skinned to death if they had to buy a dozen +eggs from one of 'em. + +"And all the time old Pete kept a constant procession of small animals +moving down his throat, regardless of expense, and if the supply ran +short he would look at Merritt so reproachfully that it made him feel so +bad he couldn't deliver his lecture for sobs. He worked the pathetic on +him, but if I came around there was no 'Only three grains of corn, +mother,' expression on his face; he would just rear up on his tail and +lambaste that glass trying to get at me. I had been living pretty well +during our prosperity and I guess I looked good to him, so rather than +have any hard feelings about it I stuck closer than ever to the front of +the house. + +"We had rented a frame building in a little town up on the Hudson and +were showing him off in good form. Business was rushing and we had the +S. R. O. sign out all the time, but snake food was getting scarcer than +boiled lobsters during the cold snap last winter. The show had closed up +for night and we were trying to make dents in the front of the tavern +bar with our breast bones and laying in a stock of supplies, in case old +Pete should bite us. + +"While we were discussing the best way to stimulate the rabbit-breeding +industry, 'biff--boom--bang,' went the town bell and the barkeep +commenced to peel off his coat and get into a red flannel shirt and a +fireman's helmet. It was one of those towns where they have a dude +volunteer fire department, which the boys all join for the socials in +the winter and to look pretty on the annual parade day. Merritt and I +didn't hurry any; we knew that it would take some time for the chief, +who kept the town drug store, to get into his red shirt and shiny boots +and select the bouquet to carry in the big end of his speaking trumpet. +Pretty soon, 'Always Ready, Ever Faithful, Hose Company Number One,' +which comprised the department, came down the street, all of the company +shouting orders through trumpets at the two coons who were pulling the +cart. + +"Of course, we went along to see the 'Fighting the Flames' show, but +say: the joke was on us, for it was our theater which provided it. There +wasn't anything left to burn and the hose company marched proudly back. +Poor old Pete was nothing but a heap of ashes and Merritt looked +sorrowful. + +"'Jim,' says he, 'let's copper the rabbit market before they get wise.'" + +"Did you have no insurance?" asked the Stranger sympathetically. + +"Not a blame cent," replied his companion as he rose to go to bed. "But +I am making good money out of old Pete yet. I had him stuffed and get a +hundred a week from a dime museum for him--and they furnish the feed." + + + + +THE AMOROUS BABOON + + + + +THE AMOROUS BABOON + + +Thanks to the busy Press Agent, the fame of Jocko the Jealous, the +amorous baboon, had preceded him to America, and when the animals from +the Paris Hippodrome had been safely transferred to their dens in the +Arena at Dreamland he was the center of attraction as he limbered up his +muscles in the large monkey cage, after the cramped accommodations of +the small traveling box. He had gained a reputation as a masher in +Paris; but never had the menagerie attendants seen him so madly in love +and so insanely jealous as upon his first introduction to American +beauty, as exemplified by the fair woman who stood before his cage. + +Jocko was not the first male being who had been fascinated by the charms +of the Prima Donna during her career; for she had been through the +marriage ceremony so often that she could say it backwards, never +forgetting to cross her fingers before saying, "Until death do us part." +The Proprietor drew the Stranger's attention to the group before the +cage, a mischievous smile on his face as he looked over the half dozen +of callow youths who are always in the train of the Prima Donna. + +"Watch out for squalls over there," he said. "Jocko is affectionate now, +but there will be something doing in a few minutes." The monkey was +using all of the blandishments known to an amorous baboon and although +the words of his soft chattering were unintelligible, their import could +not be mistaken by a past mistress of the gentle art of love making; but +the Prima Donna could not be beguiled into placing herself within reach +of the hairy paws. Suddenly his mood changed, for one of her male +companions placed his hand on her arm to attract her attention and +Jocko, giving a howl of rage, danced madly up and down on all fours, +showing a vicious set of fangs as his lips curled back in a hideous +snarl. The bars of his cage were strong and so close together that he +could not get out to attack his rival; but he gathered up a mass of +litter from the floor and showered Prima Donna and callow youth alike. +His screams echoed through the Arena and caused even the majestic lions +and the haughty tigers to look in the direction of the cage of the +despised "Bandar Log," and made the smaller animals uneasy. The woman +who was described on the programme as "Miss ----, Famous Society Woman," +had torn herself away from her arduous social duties with the Four +Hundred to exhibit a troupe of leopards to a Coney Island audience, her +identity concealed by a small black mask, and her performance in the big +cage was interrupted by the noise; so the Proprietor thought it time to +interfere. + +[Illustration: _"He smoked his cigar in the lobby like any other +guest."_] + +The Prima Donna laughed good-naturedly as he helped to brush the sawdust +and litter from her dress and tactfully drew her away, and Jocko quieted +down and implored her to return; but she was accustomed to gentler +wooing, and refused to put her dainty gown again in jeopardy. + +"Jocko gave quite a performance to-night," said the Proprietor as he +joined the Press Agent and the Stranger at the table, after the show. +"That baboon is crazy about women; but he hasn't the discrimination of +Consul, the most intelligent monkey that ever lived. You may remember +that he was never quiet in his cage, but if a specially well-dressed +woman stopped in front of it he played entirely to her and when she +moved away his eyes followed her as long as she was in sight." + +"There will never be another like Consul," said the Press Agent, shaking +his head sadly. "He made my job a sinecure, for he was good for a column +any day and a full page on Sundays." + +"Never until the Missing Link is discovered," replied the Proprietor. "I +don't believe a more human monkey will ever be found, and I attribute +his wonderful intelligence to the fact that he associated entirely with +human beings, almost from the day of his birth. I got him from the +captain of a tramp steamer which traded to the West Coast, and I paid a +goodish bit of money for him too. I have never dared to tell his early +history as it was told to me, for fear I should be laughed at for a +liar; but stranger things happen in the animal business than ever get +into print, and if I dared risk my reputation by telling the things +which actually occur in a menagerie, I should never need a Press Agent; +but a plausible lie is accepted where a truth which sounds improbable is +turned down." + +The Press Agent looked at him reproachfully, but agreed with the +proposition. + +"Do you know, I have found that to be true when I have visited the +newspaper offices," he said. "I have actually had to embroider some of +the accounts of things which have happened here." + +"I suspected it, for I didn't recognize some of the stories when I saw +them in print," answered the Proprietor, smiling at him approvingly. He +consented to tell the history of Consul, the famous chimpanzee, when +the Stranger expressed his entire credulity and the Press Agent assumed +an encouraging and sympathetic attitude. + +[Illustration: _"Jocko, giving a howl of rage, danced madly up and +down."_] + +"Of course, I have to take the ship captain's word for what happened +before I bought him, but from the way the chimp developed and the +intelligence he displayed after he came into my possession, I am +prepared to believe it. He told me that he got him from the natives at +the mouth of a small river on the West Coast, where he anchored his +steamer to trade. They came off about the ship in their canoes, but he +did not care for the rubber and ivory they had to offer and he was about +to hoist anchor when one of them, who was in a small canoe with a woman, +motioned to him to stop. The woman was crouched up in the stern, nursing +what the captain thought was a baby, but when the man dragged it away +from her, in spite of her voluble protest, he saw that it was a small +chimpanzee. The man seemed desperately anxious to trade--and I imagine +the captain's trade goods were not the sort to meet the entire approval +of the missionaries--so that a bargain was concluded and the woman's +grief allayed by a generous share of the purchase price. As nearly as he +could make out, she had found the little thing in the jungle when it was +only a few days old and had reared it in place of a baby which had just +died. She was a low type of woman, even for an African savage, but the +maternal instinct was strong enough to make her grieve for little +Consul, as the captain christened him. The monkey grieved over the +separation, too, but sailors make much of animals and he soon became +reconciled to it. + +"Thousands of people saw him after I purchased him, and you can judge of +the reputation he attained when I tell you that I was getting fifteen +hundred dollars a week for him in Berlin when he died, and he was booked +for the entire season at that price. People had seen him eat with a +knife and fork, smoke a cigar, use a typewriter and do all of the stunts +which simply aped humanity, but you had to live with the little beast to +appreciate how intensely human he was. Everybody connected with the show +loved him, and when I wanted to find any one of the employees who was +off duty, or not in his proper place, I always went first to Consul's +cage and I was pretty sure to locate him. That monkey was never still, +and the things he would do and the pranks he would play off his own bat +were more amusing than any of the things he had been taught. + +"When he was in company he was as well mannered as most men, but, of +course, he had his prejudices and had to be watched. His special +aversion was a negro, which is strange when you consider his early +associations, and if one came around when he was loose he was apt to +attack him. We had to consider that in traveling, for Consul always +stopped at the hotels with his trainer and sat about the lobbies, +smoking his cigar like any other guest, but if there were negro servants +about, we had to be very careful not to let them come near him. + +"He had the reasoning power of a child of ten years old; he was patient +when anything was wrong and we had to do disagreeable things to him, +appreciating that it was for his benefit. Only once did we have to use +force, when it was necessary to pull a tooth, and I am glad it wasn't +oftener, for it took seven men to control him and they thought they had +done a day's work when we finished. The last time he went abroad he was +the life of the ship, but he pretty nearly killed himself. The doctor +prescribed a cough medicine for him and Consul liked it so well that he +got up in the night, after his trainer had gone to sleep, opened the +valise in which it was kept and emptied the bottle. I guess there must +have been laudanum in it, for they had to work over him the rest of the +night to save him. + +[Illustration: _"All of his savage instincts were aroused."_] + +"He would walk the deck with the lady passengers, who made a great deal +of him, and when the customary concert was given, nothing would do but +that he must perform and then pass the plate for the collection. He was +in evening dress and behaved like a perfect gentleman, and the +collection was a large one. It was heaped on the plate, and he was just +about to present it to the captain when Booker Washington stepped +forward to make a contribution. The money for the Seaman's Home went +flying to the four corners of the salon and the trainer had a difficult +time in persuading Consul to retire without tearing the clothes off of +the man whose only offense was his color. This was Consul's last voyage, +for he contracted pleurisy and died in Berlin, and I felt worse over his +death than I did over the burning of my whole menagerie in Baltimore a +few years ago." + +"Have you found that early association with human beings makes the other +animals easier to train?" asked the Stranger, and the Proprietor shook +his head. + +"No; I would rather train one taken in the jungle than an animal born in +captivity. They do raise the pumas in South America and have them about +the houses as we do cats; but I wouldn't trust one of 'em. And as for +the bigger cats, the lions and tigers, there is no such thing as taming +them. They may be trained to do certain things, but they are never +trustworthy. We had a queer illustration of that when I was traveling +with a caravan circus in France. One of the lionesses had a litter of +three cubs, and in the excitement of the moving and strange +surroundings, she killed two of them. We took the other one away and the +woman who cooked for us volunteered to raise it. She became very much +attached to it and developed the theory that she could overcome its +savage instincts by diet, and for a time it looked as if she were right. +The beast was with her for about two years and grew to a fine animal, +but she never let him taste raw food. One day, when he was comfortably +lying before the stove, she pushed him with her foot to get him out of +the way and he resented it. Whether it was that alone, or whether the +odor of meat which she was about to cook appealed to him, I don't know; +but all of his savage instincts were aroused and when we secured him we +found that he had taken most of her scalp off." + +"It's funny how some people are always looking for a chance to get +damages," said the Press Agent, settling himself comfortably in his +chair. "We had a case of it when Merritt and I were running a dime +museum out West. The freaks all lived together at a large boarding house +and one morning, when they reported for duty, the 'Tattooed Lady' was +missing. It was before the days when they were so common and we had +spent a lot of money to have her decorated and made her our star +attraction. Of course, none of the tattooing was visible when she was in +street costume, but when she sat on the platform dressed in low neck and +short skirts the lecturer had something to talk about, for the menagerie +pictured on her was a thing of beauty, and the few choice texts like, +'Be good and you will be happy,' which were scattered in between the +animals, were highly moral and elevating, and that was one of the strong +points of our show. Merritt used to spread himself when he was telling +how she was shipwrecked on a desert island and held captive by the cruel +cannibals, whose high priests spared her from the menu to tattoo her +with the symbols of their heathenish worship. It gave him a great chance +to come in strong on the moral part, when he explained about the texts +and told how they were added after the cannibals had been converted to +red flannel shirts, silk hats and a vegetable diet, by the missionaries, +and I have seen ancient maiden ladies moved to tears by his recital. So +when he had to give his lecture without her, he got mixed up and called +attention to the marvelous growth of hair on the face of the 'Circassian +Beauty,' thinking she was the 'Bearded Lady,' and nearly pulled the ears +off of the 'Dog Faced Boy,' trying to explain that he was 'The Man With +The Rubber Skin.' Of course, that made trouble among the freaks, who are +a mighty touchy lot anyway, and I have noticed that trouble always comes +in bunches in the show business, so I wasn't surprised when a husky guy +that looked like a farmer came in with blood in his eye and asked for +the manager. I looked around for Merritt, but he had gone around the +corner to get something to drown his sorrow, so I slipped a piece of +lead pipe under my coat and acknowledged the soft impeachment. + +[Illustration: _"A 'Tattooed Lady,' and she's all covered with +picters."_] + +"'Look'ee here, wot kinder a skin game be youse fellers runnin' here?' +says the guy, and I took a good grip on the lead pipe and tried to turn +away wrath by a soft answer, and quoting from our advertisement that it +was a highly moral and intellectual entertainment. + +"'Not by a dern sight, it ain't,' says he. 'It's a blasted man-trap to +ketch the unwary, an' I'll have the law on ye an' make yer pay fer +trifling with my young affections.' I have had some pretty tough things +said to me in my day, but that was about the worst ever, and pretty +nearly took my breath away, but he went right on. + +"'I deliver milk to that boardin' house down the street an' I see a +likely lookin' gal there lately an' I wanted some one to help milk an' +look after the house, so I asks her to marry me. She says she will, so +we hitched up an' I never knew she was one o' yer dern freaks until it +was too late. She says she's a "Tattooed Lady," an' she's all covered +with picters.' + +"'Well, what's the matter with 'em?' says I. 'Aren't they good +pictures?' + +"'Good enough,' says he, 'for them as likes 'em; but I don't hanker +after no decorations o' that kind an', b'gosh, I'll make yer pay fer +palmin' off a damaged article on me. She's all over snakes an' other +beasts an' it makes me sick ter my stummick every time I thinks of 'em.' +I tried to convince him that we were not responsible and that it was his +wife's duty to have informed him. + +"'That's what I told her, dod gast her! But she says it's my own fault +if I didn't know she was a "Tattooed Lady," because I never asked her, +an' blamed if she isn't proud o' them picters, too.'" + +"How did you settle it--did he get damages?" asked the Stranger. + +"Damages!" exclaimed the Press Agent as he wiped the foam from his +moustache. "Why, Merritt came in, and when he heard the guy's kick he +lit right into him. + +"'Blame your skin!' he yelled. 'I've a good mind to have you arrested +for stealing the pictures from my art gallery. I have a claim on 'em, +for I paid for the liquor to keep a sailor drunk for six weeks while he +was doing that job.' The Rube got onto the fact that she was valuable, +so they adjourned to a saloon to talk it over." + +"With what result?" asked the Proprietor, as he rose from the table. + +"Well, Merritt got her back on the platform, the Rube sold his farm, and +within six weeks he was wearing more yellow diamonds and throwing a +bigger chest than the husband of a grand opera prima donna." + + + + +FEEDING THE SERPENTS AND A GRAND TRANSFORMATION + + + + +FEEDING THE SERPENTS AND A GRAND TRANSFORMATION + + +The animals had received their evening meal when the Proprietor came +from the Arena and joined the Stranger and the Press Agent at the table +outside. + +"I can never understand the interest people take in seeing the +carnivorous animals fed; it is no more than giving a bone to a dog," he +said, as he took his seat. "And yet it is one of the best drawing +features of the show, and the same people remain night after night to +see the meat poked into the cages. If it were not for the prohibition of +the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals I could give a +feeding exhibition which would be novel and interesting, for +comparatively few people have ever seen a snake eat. + +"It is because a snake will not eat unless it kills its own food," he +continued in answer to a question from the Stranger. "Snakes are more +particular feeders than any other animals, and they will not touch +anything which is not alive when it is brought to them. This is the +night for feeding them, and if you care to remain until the crowd has +gone you can see how it is done. Long as I have been in the business, I +learn something new every day, and I never saw a cobra fed artificially +until last week, when Brandu, my Hindoo snake charmer, received one +direct from India. It seems that they are cannibal snakes and live upon +their own kind in India, but that would be too expensive a diet here, +and he forces feed down its throat." + +The thousands of incandescent lights on the Dreamland tower went +out--the signal that the barkers might cease from barking and the +spielers spiel no more--until the morrow brought its fresh crowd of +amusement seekers, and the Proprietor led the way into the Arena. Brandu +and his two native assistants were carrying the boxes which contained +the snakes into the big exhibition cage, and, when the three men +joined them, the weirdness of the surroundings made a profound +impression upon the Stranger. All of the lights in the Arena were +extinguished, with the exception of the small cluster directly over +their heads, and pairs of luminous spots from the great semicircle of +cages at the outer edge of the building reminded him that the human +beings in the cage were not the only interested spectators of the +proceedings. + +[Illustration: _"A procession of sandwich men."_] + +The assistants carefully removed the great boas and pythons from the +boxes, laying them on the floor, where they crawled lazily about, their +delicate forked tongues vibrating like streaks of red flame, while +Brandu removed a slat from a crate of rabbits and put a half-dozen of +them on the floor. The little animals had no instinctive fear of the +serpents, for they hopped about among them and over their wriggling +bodies unconcernedly, but the snakes were hungry after a fast of two +weeks and they wasted no time in getting to the business before them. +The proceeding was the same in each case. A serpent would crawl up to +the rabbit and place its nose, at which the little furry beast would +sniff curiously, close to that of its prospective supper. The red forked +tongue would pass rapidly over its face and the rabbit made no attempt +to move. Whether it was the effect of some anaesthetic quality in the +breath of the snake or the traditional charm of the serpent, it was hard +to say, but the rabbit made no move to escape. Slowly but surely it +yielded to the fascination of the snake, the large transparent ears +dropped to the side of the head and the body muscles relaxed until the +tickling of the serpent's tongue caused no reflex movement of the paws. + +The snake then carefully withdrew its head until the slim neck was in +the form of a letter S, and when it again straightened out it was with +the force of a released steel spring and the aim of the flat head was +unerring. The stroke was so rapid that it was difficult for the eye to +follow and the rabbit never knew what happened, for its body made a +quick circle in the air and in less than a second all that was to be +seen was one small paw protruding from the coiled body which had brought +it a quick and merciful death. The jaws of the serpent have seized it by +the snout and thrown it back into its coils and the first pressure kills +it, although the ever tightening embrace continues until the bones are +crushed within the unbroken skin, so that it can be easily swallowed. + +It is not swallowing in the ordinary sense of the word, for the snakes +pull themselves over the rabbits as a glove is pulled over the finger, +and the progress to the stomach can be watched through the length of the +snake's neck. The snakes which were too small to manage a rabbit were +fed on white rats and mice, but the process was the same in each case, +except that the Hindoos held the rodents by their tails until the snakes +had hypnotized them. + +"I suppose that this seems cruel to people because the rabbits are such +harmless little beasts," said the Proprietor as the last bit of fur +disappeared. "To my mind it is not half so cruel as hunting hares with +guns and dogs, for death from the snake's blow is as quick and +painless as that from a bullet, and there are no maimed and wounded +animals to drag themselves away to lingering deaths in hiding. But now I +will show you something which has never been known in this country." + +[Illustration: _"Brought the head of the cobra close to his face."_] + +One of the natives brought out a curiously woven circular basket which +he handled with great care, and setting it in the middle of the cage +retired to a respectful distance. Brandu crouched on the floor beside +it, and, although the performance was not accompanied by the weird +Oriental music which signaled the public appearances of the snake +charmer, the tense expression of his face and the uncanniness of the +surroundings made it sufficiently impressive, for he was about to handle +the cobra de capello, the most venomous snake in all the great +collection. He wasted no time in the pantomime and incantation of the +ring performance, but quickly threw off the cover, and when the hooded +head arose swaying above the edge of the basket, he started a low +whistling and passed his slim brown hands with lightning rapidity above +it. He was absolutely fearless, but the task before him demanded the +concentration of all his thoughts and he seemed unconscious of the +startling interruption of a fight between two of the lions, and the +shouts and pistol-shots of the keepers who separated them. + +He never removed his gaze from the head of the serpent and his hands +moved so rapidly that they were almost invisible until, quicker than a +snake could strike, one of them darted down and caught the slim neck +behind the distended hood. He gave a sharp exclamation of triumph and +sprang to his feet, the cobra coiling its body about his bare brown arm +and giving every indication of rage. + +"I am always glad when that part of the performance is over," said the +Proprietor with a sigh of relief. "Of course, it is all in the day's +work with Brandu and he has done it thousands of times, but some day he +will be a fraction of a second too slow and then--well, I shall have to +get another snake charmer. Watch him now and you will see something +which only the men of his caste can do." + +Brandu's white teeth glistened as he smiled at the Proprietor and +pointed first to his own eyes and then to those of the serpent. He +brought the head of the cobra close to his face, his expression became +fixed and stern and the pupils of his widely opened eyes, which had been +dilated until the iris was but a narrow rim, contracted to the size of +pin heads. The cobra gazed at him fixedly and the tense body slowly +uncoiled from his arm and hung limp and motionless, and Brandu laid it +on the floor as lifeless and inert as a piece of rope. One of his +assistants handed him a glass containing a couple of raw eggs and, +handling it as carelessly as if it were a harmless garter snake, he +picked up the cobra and forced a tube of polished bamboo between its +jaws. When he had poured the eggs through the tube he withdrew it and +carefully replaced the snake in the basket, still apparently lifeless; +but bending over he blew sharply into its face and the cobra was +instantly reanimated into five feet of viciousness. Its head reared up +above the edge, the spectacled hood distended in anger, but Brandu +quickly clapped on the cover and the snake feeding was finished for two +weeks. + +[Illustration: _"You're a blame fine figure of a fat man."_] + +"That is a great performance of Brandu's," said the Press Agent, "but it +profits us nothing because the best part of it cannot be shown to the +public. I never see a snake fed without thinking of something which +happened when I was running a side show with the Greatest Show on Earth. + +"You know that the dime museum business was run to death while the craze +lasted in this country, and freaks got so common that you couldn't throw +a stone in the streets of any large city without hitting one of 'em. +When the fickle public tired of giving up its dimes to see 'em, a guy +named Merritt and myself had a choice collection on hand, and we went on +the road with the big show for the summer, thinking perhaps our business +would pick up in the fall. Our two great attractions were the biggest +boa-constrictor in captivity, which we called 'Jointless Jake,' and the +heaviest fat man in the world. That snake was about two hundred feet +long, and while the fat man wasn't much on length, he held the record +for belt measurement. Nine hundred and twenty-seven pounds he weighed, +as we demonstrated on our own scales at every performance. Their feed +bill was quite an item, as the snake took a half-dozen sheep every two +weeks and the fat man, who was billed as 'Signor Adipose +Avoirdupois'--Merritt invented that--needed about a side of beef every +day. + +"Freaks are a jealous lot and as hard to manage as rival prima donnas, +and these two monstrosities came to hate each other like poison. They +were in different lines, but you may have noticed that the side show +'professor' uses up most of the superlatives in the English language +when he gives his lecture, and each of 'em seemed afraid that the other +would get some of his share of the dictionary. Adipose used to look at +Jake's coiled body as if he would like to sit on it and flatten it out, +and the snake would return the glance with a naughty little twinkle in +its eye, as if he was estimating how much it would have to stretch its +skin to accommodate A. A. in its interior, until it made Merritt anxious +about 'em. + +"'That blame fat fool will waste away and spoil his shape, if he don't +stop worrying,' he says, and he cuts a lot of his talk out of the +description of the snake and uses the words on Adipose. Maybe you think +snakes are stupid, but they aren't, and the boa got the hump and refused +to uncoil himself to show his length unless he got his full share of the +spiel. It cheered Avoirdupois up, though, and when we moved to the next +town he stood around to gloat over Jake when he was being moved from the +traveling box to the exhibition cage. The snake hadn't been fed for ten +days and he was good and lively as well as being out of temper, so when +he caught sight of the Signor he scattered the boys with one flip of his +tail and went for him. + +"I've heard of bear hugs, but I never saw such a squeezing as that boa +gave poor Adipose. It was a long way around him, but the snake made +about a dozen wraps and all we could see of the fat man was a pair of +feet sticking out at one end of the coil and his face, which looked like +a purple harvest moon, projecting from the other. Jake reaches out and +gets hold of a tent peg with his tail, which gives him a purchase, and +then he tightens up for fair and Adipose lets out a holler you could +hear a mile. + +"Of course, we got busy with crowbars and jackscrews and tried to pry +Jake off, but there was nothing doing and the harder we pried the closer +he cinched up on Adipose. Merritt usually had a suggestion to make, so I +looked at him and he was lost in thought, but in a minute he brightens +up and calls for a rope. + +"'We can't pry the blame snake away from the man,' says he, as he tied +the rope around the Signor's feet, 'so we'll try to pull the man away +from the snake.' All hands fell to and pulled to beat four of a kind, +but Jake just tightened up a bit and grinned and Adipose let out +another holler. + +"'You need a traction engine on that rope,' says I when they gave it up +as a bad job, and Merritt, who was looking a little discouraged, gave a +whoop. + +"'Bring an elephant,' he yelled, and when one of the boys started off on +a run for the menagerie, he called after him to 'make that order two +elephants.' The Hathis came lumbering over, and Merritt tied the rope +around the shoulders of one and put another rope around Jake's neck and +the shoulders of the other elephant. + +"'Now pull, blame you!' says he, heading 'em in different directions and +giving one of 'em a kick, and they put their shoulders against the +ropes. It was a mighty interesting performance to every one but Adipose, +who didn't seem to enjoy it at all, judging from the yells he let out. +Jake was having the time of his life, and the harder the elephants +pulled the tighter he squeezed the Signor, and when he felt that they +were getting the better of him he made a supreme effort which kinked up +every muscle in his body. But there was no holding on against those +brutes, and pretty soon the fat man commenced to slip out from the +coils, feet first. It was a queer thing to watch and his legs stretched +so that I thought his knees would never come into sight. His legs had +been about the size of barrels when the snake grabbed him, but between +the stretching and the squeezing they were now three times as long and +about as large as broomsticks. He weighed as much as ever when the +elephants finally got him out, but the flesh was distributed differently +and instead of being six feet tall and twelve feet around, he was twelve +feet long and built in proportion. The snake was up against it, too, for +he had cramped himself so with that last squeeze that he couldn't +straighten out the kinks, and he kept in the same shape as when he was +wrapped around the Signor. We tried to straighten him out, but it was no +use; he just stayed coiled up like a spring and the boys rolled him +around as if he were a barrel. + +"Merritt had kept cheerful as long as there was anything to be done, but +tears came to his eyes when he looked at Adipose. The Signor was +standing up, gazing at his feet, which he hadn't seen before in twenty +years, and Merritt looked up at him and freed his mind. + +"'You're a blame fine figure of a fat man, aren't you, now?' says he. +'Just on account of your confounded professional jealousy we lose our +two star attractions, for that blamed snake is so kinked up that he +isn't good for anything except to cut up into barrel hoops.' + +"The Signor was ashamed of himself and hadn't a word to say, so he just +kept quiet and tried to get used to his new shape and taking a +bird's-eye view of things. Merritt and I were feeling pretty blue when +along comes Tody Hamilton, the circus press agent, and as soon as he saw +what had happened he made a run for a trolley car. + +"'Don't let 'em get away!' he yelled back over his shoulder. 'This is +the biggest scoop on record and I'm off for the printing-office.' + +[Illustration: _"Jake was having the time of his life, and the harder +the elephants pulled the tighter he squeezed the Signor."_] + +"'It'll make a good newspaper story, all right; but where do we come in +on it?' says Merritt, looking mournfully at Adipose. + +"Well, a couple of hours later I had to go into the city to order some +new togs for the Signor, who looked as if he were dressed in a +particularly baggy bathing suit since he had been stretched out, and the +first thing I saw was a procession of sandwich men marching down the +street. The ink wasn't dry on the posters, but Tody had been busy, and +there in flaming red letters was the announcement-- + + JUST ARRIVED AT THE + BIG SHOW! + + DON'T MISS SEEING THEM!!! + + LENGTHY LOUIS, THE TALLEST + MAN IN THE UNIVERSE!!! + + CIRCULAR SAM, THE MOST GIGANTIC + HOOP SNAKE EVER CAPTURED!!! + + + + +THE LIONESS SKIRT DANCE AND THE INCONSIDERATE PYTHON + + + + +THE LIONESS SKIRT DANCE AND THE INCONSIDERATE PYTHON + + +The conventional skirt dance has long ceased to be a novelty on the +vaudeville stage, but as it is performed by "La Belle Selica" in the +Arena at Dreamland it holds the interest of that most exacting +audience--a crowd of Coney Island pleasure seekers. It is not because +Selica is pre-eminent among dancers, but on account of the unusual and +dangerous stage setting; for she performs in the large exhibition cage, +surrounded by a half dozen lionesses, each animal seated on a separate +pedestal. Any one of the huge beasts could crush the dancer with a +single blow of a massive paw, and the great jaws which snap viciously at +her tiny feet as she kicks them before their faces are sufficiently +powerful to crush the shin-bone of an ox. + +She is apparently without fear of them, for she dances gracefully from +one to the other, flicking them across their faces with the light switch +which she carries for her only protection, and kicking over their heads +and into their very mouths, always missing the answering snap of the +jaws by the fraction of an inch, and acknowledging it with a smile as +she whirls away to repeat the performance before another pedestal. The +lionesses see the performance many times in the course of a season, but +they never lose interest in it and they do not remove their eyes from +Selica from the time she enters the cage until she drives them out +before her. So long as she is on her feet and agile enough to escape the +swift stroke of a paw or the snapping jaws, she is safe; for a lioness +would not jump at her from a pedestal; but there is always the chance of +a slip or a false step and then----!!! + +It happened once, and caused a suspension of Selica's performance for +two months during the Pan-American Exposition at Buffalo, for Grace, the +largest lioness, was on her before she could recover herself; and it +required the efforts of Bostock and all of his trainers to beat back the +beasts who were maddened by the sight and smell of blood and to rescue +the unconscious woman from the cage. They have never forgotten that +moment of rebellion which was so nearly successful, and they are ever +watchful for another opportunity to avenge the many cuts of the +training whip which they received in the course of their schooling. But +Selica is also watchful, and although Grace had latterly done nothing +particularly out of the way, the wonderful sixth sense which experienced +trainers always acquire warned her that the animal should be regarded +with suspicion. The beast had become nervous; a little more sullen than +usual when ordered to leave her den for the exhibition cage, and a +trifle slow and rebellious when told to jump up on her allotted +pedestal. + +[Illustration: _"Now, if you'll kindly give me your attention."_] + +Constant association with the wild animals begets carelessness but +Selica, with the scars of Grace's sharp claws still visible on her back +and shoulders, was quick to notice the change and especially careful, +before opening the door from the den to the runway, to look through the +observation hole and make sure that the lioness was not crouched for a +spring. Grace had been particularly sullen in the afternoon and she was +growling ominously when Selica went to get her for the evening +performance, but when the woman saw the three little furry balls which +were huddled in a corner of the den she understood and forgave all. The +cubs were no larger than St. Bernard puppies, but Grace apparently +considered them worth fighting for; and Selica's dance was given that +night with only five lionesses in the cage, and the Proprietor told the +Stranger the reason for the empty pedestal. + +"Wait until after the performance and I will take them out of the cage +and show them to you," he said; and the Stranger, remembering a +tradition to the effect that robbing a lioness of her cubs is a +dangerous feat, looked forward with a great deal of interest to the +after-piece. + +"We can't trust the rearing of the cubs to Grace," said the Proprietor, +as he stood in front of her cage after the audience had been dismissed. +"The close proximity of the other animals in the Arena and the curiosity +of the thousands of people who come here every day would make her so +crazy that she would destroy them, so I must get them a foster mother. I +have sent to New York for a bitch with pups, and in a couple of days I +will show you a happy family." The cubs were in the center of the cage +and Grace stood over them, snarling and looking with blazing eyes at the +group in front of it; but Selica's voice from the runway and a rattling +of the door at the back distracted her attention, and as she sprang at +the door the Proprietor darted a hand between the bars and seized one of +the cubs, drawing it safely out a half second before the enraged mother +landed against the bars with a force which made them rattle. + +The poor beast was almost frantic, but the same maneuver was twice +repeated, and in spite of her fierce attacks on doors and bars the +Proprietor, who had acquired through his lifetime association with the +great cats as much of their quickness of movement as it is given to mere +man to learn, removed the three cubs without receiving a scratch. + +Poor helpless little creatures they were, and it was difficult to +realize that they would soon grow into beasts as powerful as the +ferocious Baltimore, the terror of trainers, who was answering Grace's +lamentations with roars which fairly shook the building, from his cage +on the other side of the Arena. + +[Illustration: _"Looked like the pennant of a man-o'-war."_] + +"That animal was bred in captivity, born and raised in our menagerie in +England," said the Proprietor after he had placed the cubs in charge of +one of the keepers. "I suppose that's what makes him such a bad beggar +to handle. Give me the jungle-bred lion to train, every time, for after +the manhandling and discomfort of his capture and transportation to the +coast by the natives, he appreciates the care and humanity of a +civilized trainer. These cubs which are raised in captivity are always +played with and teased by the employees and visitors, and their first +knowledge of their strength comes to them accidentally when they hurt a +man without meaning to do it; but they soon learn to connect cause and +effect, and then it is time to watch out for 'em. A jungle-bred lion is +pretty much cock o' the walk until he is snared or trapped, and in his +first experience with men he is vanquished and realizes how useless is +his great strength against the nets and ropes which entangle him. The +cub born in captivity is familiar with men from the first, and plays +with them like a kitten until one day he is out of sorts or is +accidentally hurt in a frolic and the swift cut of his razor-like claws +makes his playmate or tormentor drop him and leave him in peace. That +makes it hard for the trainer when he takes him in hand, for although +the cub may be subdued, he remembers that he was once victorious and +watches his chance. Jack Bonavita, the greatest trainer who ever went +into a lion's cage, would have two good arms to-day if Baltimore had +been born in the Nubian desert instead of in Manchester." + +They stood in front of Baltimore's cage for a moment, admiring the +swelling muscles of the great beast as he sprang from side to side, +shaking his shaggy mane and roaring defiance at the world, and then +turned to go to the white-topped table in front of the Arena. In the +doorway they met the Press Agent, looking anything but cheerful and +muttering maledictions on the heads of all city editors. The Proprietor +told him of the new arrivals in the Arena, and suggested sending the +announcement of the birth to the papers. + +"A fat chance I'd stand of having it printed," he grumbled. "Here I've +worked half the season and never given 'em a story that wasn't pretty +nearly true, and to-day when I take them that account of Morelli and the +jaguar they turn me down and holler 'fake.' Let me take one of those +cubs and stripe it over with a little black paint, and to-morrow morning +every newspaper in New York will have a photographer down here to take +pictures of 'the only hybrid lion-tiger cub ever born,' and all of the +space jerkers will be buttonholing me for a three column, front page +story." + +The arrival of the waiter with soothing beverages soon brought back the +customary smile to his genial face and the Proprietor's suggestion that +perhaps he had embroidered some of the stories just a trifle, aroused +only a good-natured protest. + +"The worst thing about the press agent's profession is that he has to +risk his eternal salvation by making up plausible lies to satisfy the +newspapers when he could give 'em better stories which are actually true +if they would take 'em on his say so," he said, as he wiped the froth +from his mustache. "I remember once when a guy named Merritt and +myself were running a snake show in New York that we couldn't pay the +rent because the papers wouldn't give us any publicity, although we had +the finest collection of wrigglers that was ever gotten together. We +were running it on the dead level, nary a fake about it, and Merritt's +lecture was highly instructive and interesting and more than half true; +but we saw that we couldn't win out at the game unless we crooked it. We +were running so far behind that the only thing which saved us from a +dispossess was the fact that they couldn't get a constable who would +carry the snakes out to the sidewalk; but Merritt was a resourceful cuss +and I felt confident that he would figure out some scheme to win out. + +[Illustration: _"Kicking over their heads and into their very mouths."_] + +"'Jim,' says he, 'it's necessary for us to give 'em a sensation. We've +tried to run this game as a purely moral and instructive entertainment, +but we need the money and I reckon we've got to spring a cold deck on +'em. I guess you've got to stand for being attacked by an untamable, +man-eating python.' + +"'You can count me out on that,' says I. 'Every paper in the city would +write me up as a victim of the demon Rum.' Merritt looked discouraged +for a minute, but his face suddenly lighted up and I knew he had found a +way. + +"'Jim,' says he, 'if we only take half of our usual allowance of +fire-water to-night we will have enough cash to buy some paint. Now +there's that big white python; the only specimen ever captured, the +"pythonatus fluidum lactalis giganticus,"' says he. That was one trouble +with Merritt; he'd get so stuck on the language which he manufactured +that he couldn't leave it out, even in our business consultations, and +it used up a lot of time. 'That python is the straight goods,' says he, +'but he doesn't catch their eyes, so I'll paint the blame snake red, +white and blue and christen him the "anacondus flagelum americanibus e +pluribus unum," and give the reporters something to work on,' says he. +'That'll work up the snakologists and set 'em writing in the papers to +prove that there isn't any such thing; but we've got the answer to +that, for we can show 'em one at twenty-five cents per.' + +"I never could stand for flim-flamming the generous public, but my meal +ticket was punched so full of holes that it looked like a porous +plaster, and I consented. Merritt spent most of the night decorating +that python, and in the morning it looked like the pennant of a +man-o'-war. I had to sit up and watch him, for he had the artistic +temperament, and he was so carried away by his enthusiasm that if I +hadn't restrained him he would have put on the coat-of-arms of the +United States, eagle, motto and all. + +"'Now,' says he, when he had finished and stepped back to admire his +work, 'if that blame snake's own mother would know him if she met him on +the street, I'm a Dutchman. If this don't make 'em sit up and take +notice, then I'll go to night school to learn the show business.'" + +"How did the scheme work?" asked the Proprietor, as the Press Agent +paused to make the grand hailing sign of distress to the waiter. + +"Work!" he answered. "How does a fake always work in New York? Why, P. +T. Barnum had the mold for his petrified man made from the legs of one +man and the body of another, and he didn't even take the trouble to +smooth off the ridges where the edges met when he cast it in Portland +cement. But that didn't prevent all of the scientific sharps who +inspected it from certifying to its genuineness. His mermaid was +manufactured from a codfish skin and a stuffed monkey; but the public +stood for that, too, and he made a fortune out of 'em. Maybe you can't +fool all of the people all of the time, but you can fool most of 'em +most of the time; especially if they live in little old New York. Of +course, we didn't pull off such a success as Barnum did; but we had no +kick coming when we counted up the receipts for the next week. Merritt's +lecture was a work of art and he manufactured language at a rate which +would have given Noah Webster nervous prostration when he christened the +python 'Old Glory,' and told about its combining the venomous qualities +of the cobra and the strength of the boa-constrictor. The python was so +stuck on its new colors that it nearly broke its neck turning around to +admire itself and everything went lovely. Of course, there was the usual +howl from the snakologists who knew it all, and 'Old Subscriber,' +'Citizen,' 'Pro Bono Publico' and the rest of the bunch wrote columns to +the newspapers, denouncing us as frauds. + +[Illustration: _Grace snarled over the cubs._] + +"You know how those things work; everybody puts up an argument and then +it's up to the fellow who is making the bluff to back it up with an +offer to donate a sum of money to some charitable institution if he +can't deliver the goods. We were well ahead of the game as a result of +the advertising and had about two thousand to the good and Merritt got +awful chesty. He had lied about that snake so much that he believed in +it himself and it made me a little nervous one night when he offered to +donate two thousand dollars to the 'Home for Decrepit Side Show Fakirs' +if any one could produce another specimen like this one, short of the +head waters of the Amazon. I wasn't scared so much by that as by what I +feared he might say, for I knew they couldn't get another if they raked +the universe with a fine-tooth comb, and sure enough, he was carried +away by his enthusiasm and offered to bet our entire bank roll that the +snake was a genuine 'American flag', such as had never been exhibited in +any country. + +"It was just our luck that there was a half-loaded tin-horn gambler in +the audience that night; one of the kind that wears a yellow diamond and +a checked suit with a white stove-pipe hat; and the only part of the +speech that he understood was that somebody wanted to make a bet. That +raised his sporting blood, and he climbed up to the platform and pulled +out a roll of yellow boys that would choke a dog and peeled off twenty +centuries. + +"'I don't know much about snakes which bromide won't make chase +themselves back to the woods,' says he as he plunked 'em down on the +table. 'I ain't got your gift of gab, but money talks and I've got this +pile to say that you can't tell the truth to save your neck. Just stack +up your pile alongside of that and then trot out your snakelet.' I was +feeling pretty sore on Merritt for making such a bluff, but, of course, +we had to make good and between us we covered the bet. We had glass +cages full of snakes all around the platform, but 'Old Glory' was in a +big chest covered with gilt figures and brass chains and fastened with a +padlock. Merritt was mad clear through at having his veracity +questioned, but he looked pretty confident as he stuck the key in the +lock. + +"'It's a shame to take the money,' says he, as he eyed the gambler, 'but +there's an old saying about the mental capacity of a man that is +speedily separated from his bank roll, and I reckon you were away from +home the last time the fool killer called.' The gam just smiled and kept +his eye on the stakes, and Merritt gives the chains a rattle to wake up +'Old Glory' and throws back the lid of the chest. + +"'Now,' says he, turning to the audience, 'if you'll kindly give me your +attention I'll show you one of the most marvelous mysteries of Nature. +It was procured by one of our special agents at the head waters of the +Amazon at tremendous expense. It is a unique representative of the +reptilian family and the sight of it should arouse pride in the hearts +of all patriotic Americans; for as he unwinds his sinuous coils you will +observe that while his head and neck are blue, the body, down to the +tip of the tail, is marked with thirteen alternate stripes of red and +white, giving this marvelous creature the appearance of being wrapped in +that glorious emblem of liberty which waves over the land of the brave +and the home of the free.' Merritt stops then, throwing out his chest +and sticking his hand into the bosom of his coat to wait for the +customary applause from the gallery to subside; but instead of the usual +glad hands he was greeted with a roar of laughter and cat-calls and when +he turned to look at the snake box, there was 'Old Glory' crawling out, +looking ashamed of himself, for he was as white as the day he was born." + +"What happened?" asked the Proprietor as the Press Agent sighed. + +"Well, Merritt always had presence of mind, and as the sport gathered up +our hard earned shekels he grabbed me by the arm and hurried me from the +building. He knew that a Bowery audience was apt to follow cat-calls +with antique eggs and vegetables of last season's vintage, and five +minutes later we were trying to drown our sorrow. + +"'Jim,' says Merritt, 'I made a big mistake, for I should have tattooed +him. His beauty was only skin deep and the blame snake shed his +skin.'" + + + + +THE ANIMAL BAROMETER AND THE ETERNAL FEMININE + + + + +THE ANIMAL BAROMETER AND THE ETERNAL FEMININE + + +Uncle Sam spends a large amount of money to forecast the weather +twenty-four hours in advance, and the farmers and seafaring folk watch +the bulletins no more eagerly than do the owners of the many shows whose +harvest time is the brief summer season at Coney Island. Bad weather, +especially if it comes on the first or last day of the week or a legal +holiday, means a loss of hundreds of dollars to them, for if the skies +are threatening, the holiday makers seek their pleasures nearer home and +there are fewer people to give up their dimes and quarters under the +seductive wheedling of the "barkers." Most of the show people look +anxiously at the sky before retiring for the night, but there is one of +them who finds an absolutely reliable forecast within the walls of his +own building. Perhaps the signs and portents could not be translated by +the weather clerk, but the Proprietor of the trained animal exhibition +at Dreamland has been all of his life the companion of his charges, and +has learned to recognize the meaning of unusual behavior or the shade of +change in their voices which indicates an approaching storm. + +There was not a cloud to be seen, and every star in the heavens was +trying to rival the brilliant electric lights on the great tower as he +sat at the cafe table in front of the Arena with the Stranger and the +Press Agent after the night's performance was over, but he gave an +exclamation of disappointment as a half-smothered roar came from the +throat of one of the lions in the building. + +"Rain to-morrow!" he said as the grumbling roar spread from cage to cage +about the great semicircle. His companions smiled incredulously as they +looked at the cloudless sky, but he repeated his prediction when the +Stranger read "Fair and warmer to-morrow" from one of the evening +papers. "I know all about the 'high and low pressure areas,'" he said, +as he glanced at the chart. "A man in the show business has to study +everything which may influence the attendance, but the behavior of my +animals is a better barometer for local conditions than any aneroid +which the Weather Bureau owns. In spite of the clear sky and the +official predictions, I would wager that we shall have a bad storm +within the next twenty-four hours, for those lions have the inherited +knowledge of hundreds of generations of jungle-bred ancestors whose food +supply depended largely upon the weather conditions." + +"Do the other animals possess the same barometric accomplishments?" +asked the Stranger skeptically, and the Proprietor laughed as he invited +him to come inside and judge for himself. The Arena was always an +uncanny place at night, for in the dim light only the glowing eyes of +the animals could be distinguished in the cages, and the snarls and +growls which came from behind the gratings conjured up visions of what +might happen if one of the animals were loose and crouching on the seats +of the auditorium or in the galleries, waiting for a meal of human +flesh; but to-night it was worse than usual, for the unwonted +restlessness of the animals was apparent even to the untrained senses of +the Stranger. + +The carnivora in captivity retain the habits of their relatives of the +jungle and are more alert at night than in the daytime, but following a +hard day's work in the exhibition cage they usually settle down for a +few hours of sleep after receiving their evening allowance of meat. +Although it was long past their resting time, not an eye was closed, and +hundreds of pairs of bright spots were visible in the darkness as the +beasts paced uneasily from end to end of their narrow dens. The +elephants, whose arduous duties in the ring and on the ballyhoo brought +such leg weariness that they were usually glad to be shackled for the +night, were swaying their huge bodies from side to side and straining at +the stout chains which fastened them and the shrill trumpeting of Tom, +the largest one, was echoed and repeated by his companions, Roger and +Alice. The roaring of the lions and the snarling of the tigers was +mocked by the hideous laugh of the hyenas, and the discord of the +strange noises was so disagreeable that the Stranger was relieved when +they left the Arena and returned to the comparative quiet of the +white-topped table. + +[Illustration: _"Every one of the great beasts jumped for her."_] + +"It will be a severe storm," said the Proprietor as the waiter took +their orders. "Any impending change makes them uneasy, but when every +animal in the menagerie is in the state of excitement which you noticed +to-night you can be assured that it means a very decided disturbance. It +is a thing which animal trainers are ever watchful about, for most of +the training is done at night, and it is not safe to work with them when +they are in that frame of mind." + +"But you give your advertised performances just the same," said the +Press Agent. + +"That's a different matter," answered the Proprietor. "When the Arena is +lighted up and filled with people, the attention of the animals is +distracted and they forget their nervousness, but a rehearsal at night +is a lonesome proceeding, at best, and as the trainer devotes his +attention to a single animal at a time it leaves the others free to +think up mischief or to give way to their unreasoning fear. I had that +borne in upon me in a way I shall never forget a few years ago when I +was a younger hand at the business. I knew a good deal about handling +animals, but not as much about managing men as I have learned since, and +I used to forget that giving an order was not the same thing as seeing +that it was executed. There was a trainer named Barton in my employ who +did a pretty fair act with a group of six lions, but he was a brutal +sort of a chap and punished his animals so severely that they went +through their performance on the jump so as to get out of the exhibition +cage, where blows were more plentiful than kind words. His act was a +winner, all right, for he was absolutely fearless and the animals put up +a bluff of snarling and snapping which made it exciting, but I disliked +the man so much that I was glad to farm him out for a ten weeks' +engagement on the vaudeville circuit. + +"He wasn't a bad-looking chap and when he came back from his tour he +brought with him one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. She +was an Egyptian who had been brought to this country with a troupe of +dancers for one of the big exhibitions, and he met her and married her +when they were performing in the same theater. Of course, I had +absolutely no use for an Egyptian dancer with my show and I made the +marriage an excuse to get rid of Barton; but he begged me to keep him on +the plea that he was teaching her to do his act with the lions. She was +so beautiful that I realized that she would be a great drawing card if +she developed into a good trainer, so I consented and signed a contract +with him for another year. I regretted it when I saw the first +rehearsal, for it was painfully evident that she went into the cage only +because she was more afraid of her husband than she was of the lions, +and I didn't blame her; for while I might interfere to prevent +ill-treatment of the lions, which were my property, I had no authority +to protect her from his cruelty. They did most of the rehearsing at +night, and I trusted to the fear which Barton had instilled in the lions +to keep them from attacking her, for he always stood at the bars and +they would cower down at the sound of his voice. You know it is never +safe for two people to be in the cage with a group of animals at the +same time unless they stand back to back and keep in one place, for if +they are moving about an animal may run into one while endeavoring to +escape from the other, and even the blow from a lion's tail might knock +a man from his feet and then there would be trouble. + +[Illustration: _"Jim," says Merritt, ... "there is a great advantage in +having a squaw for the top part of that there fish."_] + +"Poor little Leotta used to go into the cage and try to keep the +tell-tale tremble out of her voice when she gave her commands, but she +could never learn to concentrate her whole attention on the animals and +give up looking for a sign of approval from Barton out of the corner of +her eye. I made it a point to see that there was always plenty of +assistance near in case of accidents, and gave Barton strict orders to +keep her out of the cage when the animals were under the influence of +'weather fear.' It was difficult for me to instruct or warn Leotta, for +she understood English very little; but I helped her all I could, and +gave her husband to understand that I would not allow any ill-treatment. + +"In spite of all my precautions, I was always uneasy when she was in the +cage, and when I had to be away from the show she was constantly in my +mind. I had to go to the wharf one afternoon to superintend the +unloading of a new lot of animals which had been sent from our English +quarters, and owing to delays at the custom house it was late at night +before I could start back for the show. Perhaps I had absorbed some of +the weather wisdom of the animals from long association with them, but, +at any rate, I was uneasy at the delays and as I whizzed along in the +trolley I congratulated myself on my foresight in having warned Barton, +as the thunder heads were gathering and I knew the animals would have +the jumps and be unsafe to work with. But my heart sank as I drew near +the building and saw that it was brilliantly lighted up, for that could +only mean one thing at that time of night--Leotta must be rehearsing. +The trainers usually have but one small cluster of lights, but I had +ordered the electrician to turn on all the switches when she was in the +cage, as I thought she would be less frightened and the animals more +tractable in the full light. + +"My guess was right: Barton, in disobedience of orders, had made her go +into the cage, and he had taken advantage of my absence to break our +iron-clad rule which forbids a trainer to drink. I saw the whole +situation as soon as I entered the building, and I would have given the +whole show to have the little woman safely on the right side of the +bars. The animals in the dens were raising a worse row than they did +to-night, and the lions in Leotta's group had forgotten their fear of +the trainer in their greater fear of the approaching storm. They were +ugly, and Barton, who was more than half-seas over, stood at the bars +shouting abuse at his wife and the lions and jeering at her evident +terror. I saw that the other trainers and keepers appreciated the +danger, for they were gathered around, holding iron bars, Roman candles +and pistols; but they had sense enough to know that any interference +which would draw his attention from the cage would precipitate the +trouble, and none of them could make Leotta appreciate the danger of her +position. I went up to him quietly and told him that I thought he had +better call the rehearsal off for the night, intending to square +accounts with him as soon as Leotta was safely out of the cage; but the +drink was in his brain and he turned on me and cursed me. Leotta gave a +scream of terror as the brute turned his back on the cage and, as if by +a preconcerted plan, every one of the six great beasts jumped for her. + +"Barton knew that the game was up, and in his drunken rage he attacked +me and it kept my hands full to manage him; but the others rushed for +the cage, and while Bonavita and Stevenson beat off the lions with the +help of the keepers on the outside who were firing pistols and Roman +candles and using fire-extinguishers through the bars, Bobby Mack picked +up Leotta and carried her outside. Of course, that ended Leotta's career +in the show business and finished Barton's employment with me. The poor +little thing's beauty was gone, for a lion's claws make deep cuts, and +it was many a day before she was able to leave the hospital. You can see +that I have reason to be confident of the accuracy of the predictions of +my weather bureau, for if there had been no thunderstorm brewing I might +have developed a sensational lion act." + +"Or if Leotta had understood English," commented the Press Agent, as he +beckoned to the waiter. "Of course, it is sometimes an advantage to have +performers who can't converse with the audience, but it is mighty +inconvenient if they can't understand the orders of the boss. I lost the +chance of making a lot of money once, because a squaw who was working +for us couldn't understand the white man's lingo. A guy named Merritt +and myself were disappointed about getting a concession for a snake show +at the Pan-American Exposition, and we found ourselves broke in Buffalo, +which is separated from the Bowery by about five hundred miles of very +tough walking when you haven't got the price of a railway ticket. +Merritt was mad clean through at being thrown down by the Exposition +managers, but he was an inventive genius and I knew that he would figure +out a way to raise the price of transportation. + +[Illustration: _"A howl of terror from the platform."_] + +"'Jim,' says he as we counted up our available assets and found that +they were pretty well along toward a minus quantity, 'it makes me dead +sore to be turned down this way without getting a run for our money, and +it's up to us to increase our capital and incidentally give the bunch +that done us dirt the double cross. Get your think tank working and see +what it will produce.' I couldn't see a way out, but when a squaw from +the Tonawanda Reservation, who was selling trailing arbutus, came up to +us and offered us a nosegay, Merritt gives a whoop and claps me on the +shoulder. + +"'Jim,' says he, 'I've got it and we'll make our everlasting fortunes!' +He commenced to question the squaw, but all the English she knew was +'ten cent a bunch,' and he didn't make much headway until a big buck +Injin who had been watching her from across the street came over and +butted in. It appeared that he was her husband, and when Merritt stated +his proposition the buck accepted the terms without the formality of +consulting the squaw. When the Exposition opened we had a big tent on an +open lot across from the main entrance, with a life-sized picture of +'The Marvelous Mermaid' as big as a house. As I remarked, Merritt was an +inventive genius and he had worked up a scheme to deceive the confiding +public. He had provided a platform and carefully cut out a hole so that +the squaw could stand on the ground and the edges of the hole fitted +snugly about her waist. He made her lean forward and rest her chin in +her hands in the conventionally accepted mermaid position, and then he +fitted a fish tail which lay along the top of the platform, and it was +so skillfully joined to her that it looked as if it grew there. She was +a good-looking squaw and she certainly played her part and made an +interesting picture. + +"Of course, he couldn't explain to her what he wanted her to do, but he +would tell the buck, who would carefully translate and impress the +instructions upon her memory with the aid of a bale stick. The thing +which he put most stress upon was that she was to remain absolutely +still, no matter what happened. I sold the tickets and put up the spiel +on the front, and Merritt lectured inside and we did a land-office +business. Lots of smart guys came around and tried to get gay with the +mermaid, but she couldn't understand their joshing and never cracked a +smile. The blame tent caught fire one night when it was filled with +people, and she had such a wholesome recollection of the bale stick +that she kept as still as a cigar-store Indian until we had cleared the +place and put the fire out. + +"'Jim,' says Merritt as he looked her over admiringly after that +experience, 'there is a great advantage in having a squaw for the top +part of that there fish. She can't understand what the Willie boys say +to her and nothing feazes her. A white gal would have had hysterics and +given the whole snap away.' It gave Merritt a lot more confidence and we +felt pretty safe after that experience, and neglected to have the buck +repeat his bale-stick admonitions to her upon the necessity of +cultivating repose of manner. Everything was lovely and we were turning +hundreds of people away and making more money than the big show. One +afternoon we were playing to a record house and Merritt was doing +himself proud on his lecture. + +"'Ladies and gentlemen,' says he, 'I have the honor to present to this +intelligent audience a creature which is commonly, but erroneously, +supposed to be extinct at the present day; but you have before you a +living and convincing proof that mermaids still exist. I confess that +until I was able to obtain this unique specimen, which was captured +while basking in the sun and singing a love song upon an iceberg in the +Antarctic Ocean, I shared the opinions of my fellow scientists that the +mermaid was a fabulous or extinct creature; for during a lifetime +devoted to exhibiting the mysterious marvels of nature to the American +public it had never been my good fortune to acquire one. You will +observe that she is half woman and half fish, and she is perfectly +helpless when out of the water. She is unfortunately unable to express +herself in any known tongue; in fact, she has never uttered a sound +since her capture and we fear that she has lost her voice, which--' Just +then he was interrupted by a howl of terror from the platform, which was +followed by a roar of laughter from the audience, and when he turned he +saw the squaw standing up and trying to wrap the fake tail around a pair +of well-developed, copper-colored legs. Her face was as pale as a +squaw's face could get and Merritt knew the jig was up. I was peeking in +the door, and when I saw what had happened I gathered up the box-office +receipts and faded away. I met Merritt that evening in our usual saloon, +and underneath a pair of black eyes and a battered-up phiz I could see +that he was wearing a look of deep disgust. + +"'Jim,' says he, 'this is what comes from pinning your faith to a woman +and not appreciating the weakness of the sex. She faced the danger of +being burned alive and never turned a hair; but when she saw a measly +little mouse crawl under the platform she busted up the whole show.'" + +The Stranger said good-night and started for the city, but before he +reached the railway station he was drenched by the downpour which the +Proprietor had predicted. + + + + +MAKING A STAR LION AND AN INTERRUPTED TEMPERANCE MEETING + + + + +MAKING A STAR LION AND AN INTERRUPTED TEMPERANCE MEETING + + +"You were not in this part of the country when New York was in an uproar +for two days over the escape of one of my lions," said the Proprietor to +the Stranger as they joined the Press Agent. "I suppose that ninety per +cent. of the people who remember it think that it was all a fake, but I +can assure you that I put in the most strenuous forty-eight hours of my +career while he was loose, and it pretty nearly decided me to give up +the show business. It was my first experience at running an independent +show, and after great persuasion I had induced my father to let me bring +some boxing kangaroos, two young lions and Wallace, a fine big brute +about fifteen years old, from our English establishment to the States. +Wallace was already a famous--or infamous--lion in England, where he +had the score of three trainers to his credit. He had received the name +of 'The Mankiller' over there, and they were rather relieved to have me +get him out of the country. + +"His last victim was a Frenchman, one of the best-known trainers in the +business, and he went into the cage to subdue Wallace on a wager. He +won, and a remarkable performance it was, but I won't take the time to +tell you about that now. He made just one little mistake: his vanity got +the better of him when he turned his back on the lion to bow to the +audience after remaining in the cage for ten minutes. As I said, he won +the bet, and it about paid the funeral expenses of what was left of him. +After that the only man who could go near Wallace was a half-breed +American Indian from up near Cape Cod; Broncho Boccacio, he called +himself. I don't know what the other half of him was, and I don't +remember how he happened to be with our English show, but all sorts and +conditions of men drift into the animal training business. At any rate, +he was the only man who could do anything with Wallace, and that wasn't +much. He would get into the cage and chase him around a bit and then +jump out quick--always backward after seeing what happened to the +Frenchman. I brought him along to take especial charge of the brute. It +took a couple of days to get the animals through the customs, and in the +meantime I cast about for quarters and finally rented a stable on +Eighteenth Street to keep them in until I should secure an engagement." +He took a pencil from his pocket and drew a plan on the white table top. + +[Illustration: _"There was a loose lion downstairs and a nurse and two +children in the loft."_] + +"The stable was arranged in this way: here in the front was the carriage +house with these narrow stairs at the side leading up to the loft. On +each side of the door was a window facing on the street, and back of the +carriage room was the stable proper--two stalls and a loose-box. On one +side of the stable was a saloon and on the other a carpenter shop, so I +didn't expect much complaint from my neighbors, as my men patronized +one, while I ordered the carpenter to build a traveling cage for Wallace +which would slide on wheels, as our English cages were too heavy to +handle in a country where labor is as high as it is here. I moved the +lions up to the stable to let them rest a bit after the voyage and +started to look for an engagement. It was a hard row to hoe, as I was +not known in this country, and the best I could do was a booking at a +dime museum for a month, and I had to take a lowish price at that, but +I ordered a big nine sheet poster and trusted to luck to make more out +of them later. + +"The lions were in three cages in the stable, and in one of the stalls I +had a trotting horse which had been purchased for my brother in England, +and which I kept there until I should have an opportunity to ship it to +the other side. The kangaroos were in the loft, and a couple of days +after they were all settled my two little girls came over from the hotel +with me one morning and went up there with the nurse to play with them +while I went into the carpenter shop next door to settle for the new +cage, which had just been delivered. Broncho, as soon as he struck his +native soil, had discovered a camp of other Indians on the Bowery and +spent most of his time in their encampment, leaving a Cockney Englishman +in charge of the lions and the horse. I intended to wait until he +arrived before shifting Wallace to the new cage, but the Englishman +thought he would show his cleverness and attempted to do it alone +without waiting for us. He threw a piece of meat into the new cage and +then rolled it up to the old one, and when the doors were opposite each +other he opened them. Of course Wallace made a spring for the meat in +the new cage, but he struck the edge of the door, and as the Cockney had +neglected to block the wheels the cage rolled away and the keeper gave a +yell and bolted for the stairs. There was a loose lion downstairs--and a +bad one at that--and the nurse and two children in the loft. + +"The first I knew of it was from the nurse, who had grabbed the children +and stood with them in the door which had been used to pass the hay in, +yelling 'Fire!' and 'Murder!' but I knew that there was hell to pay as +soon as I reached the street, by the sound which came from the stable. +We got a ladder from the carpenter shop and hustled the nurse and +children down to the street, and then I went up to the loft, while the +nurse and the Cockney held the small door from the stable to the street, +which could not be fastened from the outside until the carpenter spiked +some plank over it. + +"A look into the stable convinced me that I did not want to go down the +stairs, for with one blow Wallace had converted a thousand-dollar +trotting horse into two dollars' worth of lion meat, and he was crouched +on the body, which he had dragged from the stall, clawing at its throat +and drinking the blood. The place looked like a shambles, and the growls +which came from Wallace as the other lions threw themselves against the +bars of their cages in their efforts to get out and join in the feast +were redoubled when he caught sight of my head through the trap-door. I +slammed it down and drew the kangaroo cage on top of it and then went +down to the street to see that the windows and doors were securely +boarded up. A great crowd was gathering and I was afraid that the police +would shoot the brute, for I saw the possibilities of an advertisement +which would more than pay for the expensive meal which Wallace was +making from the trotting horse. + +[Illustration: _"His vanity got the better of him when he turned his +back on the lion, to bow to the audience."_] + +"Just as I reached the street, Broncho strolled up. As I said, he was a +queer-looking guy; his skin was copper-colored and he had piercing black +eyes and long, fuzzy black hair which fell down to his shoulders. His +nose was hooked and something about his face always reminded me of a +bird of prey. He was only a half-breed, but when I told him what had +occurred he was all Indian and he drew a long knife and started for the +Cockney, who gave only one look at the expression on Broncho's face and +then started for Harlem, touching only the high spots until he was quite +out of sight. Broncho didn't chase him; he just looked after him with a +smile on his face, glad to see him disappear, as there had been more or +less bad blood between them for a long time. Then he came to me and +laughed at the idea of danger and offered to go into the stable and put +Wallace back in the cage. I knew that it would be impossible until the +lion had gorged himself on horse meat, and now that the damage was done +I was in no hurry to allay the excitement until the police and reporters +arrived. We didn't have to wait long, for the crowd had grown until the +street was blocked, and, of course, the reporters asked more than a +thousand questions. When I had worked the sensation up pretty well I +consented to let Broncho take his training rod and go down, and I went +with him carrying a club and a pitchfork. Things commenced to happen +right away, for Wallace didn't wait for the call of time, but sailed +right into us, and when I saw that he was getting the better of Broncho +I made a bluff at going back to the carcass of the horse. Wallace +bounded back to protect it and crouched on it, snarling viciously, but +the delay gave me a chance to help Broncho up the stairway. There was +not enough of his trousers left to wad a gun, and while I was bandaging +up a deep claw wound in his thigh that advertisement seemed less and +less important to me, and I would have given a good deal to have Wallace +safely behind the bars of his cage again. He was contracted for four +weeks anyway, and it takes a pretty big sensation to be remembered for +more than thirty days in New York. + +"Well, we fussed about all day, trying to figure out some way to get the +beggar back in his cage, and I got an earache listening to advice from +people who had never seen a lion, but who considered themselves experts. +At sunset Wallace still held the fort and the streets were blocked in +all directions, for the afternoon papers were out with extras with +scare-heads. The boards over the windows made the interior of the stable +so dark that no one could see into it, but the roars which came from it +gave the spectators all the thrills they were entitled to and caused a +stampede every few minutes. We tried to drive Wallace into the cage +with a stream of water from the fire plug, but he only shook his head +and growled at it, so we gave it up and waited for daylight. There were +about forty policemen and a crowd of reporters about the place all +night, and I was getting nervous for fear some fool would shoot the +lion, whose value was increasing every minute, so I kept awake and did +a heap of thinking. + +[Illustration: _"Broncho was only a half-breed."_] + +"I knew that Wallace would fight for his 'kill' as long as any of the +meat was left, so we rigged up a tackle to try and draw the carcass out. +We were all ready at daylight and the crowd was bigger than ever. Say, +if you want to count the idle people in New York just get up a free show +at any hour of the day or night and they will all come. There must have +been over a thousand loafing about the street all night. We were just +getting ready to make a try for the horse when the idlers outside gave a +cheer, and I saw an express wagon loaded with nets and ropes and all +sorts of animal catching stuff drive up. Tody Hamilton, Barnum's press +agent, had caught on to the possibilities of an advertisement, and sent +to the winter quarters at Bridgeport for some of their animal men to +come down and capture a loose lion. They supposed it was in Central +Park, and when they found it was in a stable the job looked easy to +them. One of them, a man named McDonald, had been with our English +show, and when he heard that it was Wallace they were to tackle his +enthusiasm seemed to melt. He told the others a few anecdotes of the +lion, and two of them went to find the Cockney, I guess, for we never +saw them again. + +"We managed to throw a slip noose around the carcass from the stairs, +and when we passed the end of the rope out of the window there must have +been five hundred men pulling on it from the way that horse's body slid +across the floor. The four of us stood around the trap-door to beat +Wallace back, and when he realized that he was losing his prey it kept +us busy. + +"Say, a dead horse seems to have more legs than a centipede when you try +to drag it through a narrow space, and they all stick out in different +directions. Of course, this one stuck and then there was more trouble, +for when I took an axe to dismember it, a cop threatened to arrest me +for cutting up a horse in the city limits. It took three hours to +satisfy the red-tape requirements and get a permit from the Board of +Health, and then I had a long, sickening job, for we had to haul up +what was left of the poor beast in fragments, and all the time Wallace +was snapping at them or rushing at us. We gave him several nasty cracks +over the snout, the only place where a lion seems to be sensitive to +pain, but it only made him uglier than ever and I knew that there was a +pretty fight ahead of us. It was a case of 'Perdicaris alive or Raisouli +dead' with me, for the police were getting impatient, and I knew they +would shoot him if we did not get him caged before night. + +"We drew lots to see who should be the first to go down, and I think +that McDonald stacked the straws, for Broncho won--or lost--I was +second, the other Barnum man third and McDonald last; but he made good +after we got down there, and it was what the President would have called +a 'crowded hour.' If Wallace hadn't been full of horse meat, which made +him a trifle slow, I think he would have chased the bunch of us out, and +as it was he gave us all we wanted to do. We used blank cartridges, +Roman candles, training rods and whips, and I learned afterward that +the crowd outside thought we were all being torn to pieces, but we +finally conquered and it was a singed and battered lion which jumped +back into the den and gave me a chance to slam the door. The noise of +the clicking lock sounded good to me, and I went up the stairs with a +lighter heart, in spite of tattered clothes and a scratched hand and +bruised body. I knew that I had a small fortune in the beast, but I +nearly cried when I went into the saloon to freshen up, and the first +thing I saw was the poster with the announcement that Wallace would be +shown at the dime museum. I knew that it would make the reporters, who +had been writing columns of space, suspect that it was all a fake and +prearranged. The manager was afraid that I would renege on my contract +after all the free advertising, but he didn't know me. + +[Illustration: _"We didn't have any regular snake charmer, but Merritt +made himself up for a Hindoo fakir."_] + +"Sure enough, the reporters came for me in a body while I was still +tired and dirty from the fight and worn out with anxiety and loss of +sleep. They accused me of having put up a job on them, but I guess the +sight of my condition convinced them of my sincerity, for only one paper +even hinted at any crookedness, and that proved the best advertisement +in the whole business. + +"It was the _Sun_ which came out in an article about Wallace, saying +that he was toothless and decrepit from old age, and that there had +never been the slightest danger from him. If the reporter who wrote it +had gone into the stable with us, I don't think he would have written +the article. I did my own announcing in those days and I always started +off with the announcement, 'Ladies and gentlemen! If you see it in the +_Sun_, it's so, and the _Sun_ says that Wallace is played out and +toothless from old age.' Then I would make a move to the front of the +cage, and Wallace, who had a special hatred for me, would spring at the +bars and show as pretty a set of fangs as you would wish to see and I +was always sure of a laugh. + +"Well, I showed Wallace in New York and other cities for thirty straight +weeks and got back the value of that trotter a good many times over," +continued the Proprietor as he rose from the table. "His name is one to +conjure with, even yet, and nearly every lion which is exhibited in the +side shows at the county fairs is billed as 'Wallace, the Untamable!' +The original Wallace is still alive and at our English breeding +establishment." He said good-night and left the table, the Press Agent +looking regretfully after him. + +"That's just like the boss," he complained as he watched the retreating +figure. "He takes the center of the stage until he has told his story, +and when my turn comes to get in the limelight he does the disappearing +act. That was a pretty good story, but talking of escapes, I can tell +you about an escape that is worth talking about. It happened when a guy +named Merritt and myself were running a snake show next to a camp +meeting down on the Jersey coast. We didn't have any regular snake +charmer, but we bought a lot of wrigglers from a dealer down on the +Bowery and Merritt made himself up for a Hindoo fakir. He would get into +the cage with them and those snakes would wrap themselves about him from +his head to his toes and it was an awe-inspiring sight. He taught them +to stand up on their tails and dance while he played on a tin whistle +and to do other pretty little tricks, but the great and original stunt +was what he called the 'Interminable Snake,' when one would grab the +biggest snake's tail in his mouth, another would fasten onto him, and so +on until the whole blame lot looked like one big serpent. Say, those +snakes got so stuck on that game that they would do it for sport without +the word of command. Whenever one started to move around the cage +another would grab his tail, and the first thing you knew the whole +bunch was going around in a string and the sight of it was enough to +make a man swear off for a year. + +"We were doing a fine business until a temperance lecturer set up a show +a little way off, and that cut into us so that there was nothing much +doing. The crowd would walk right past the entrance to our 'Highly Moral +and Instructive Exhibition,' and go on to listen to the temperance guy +telling them about the evils of drink, as illustrated by the horrible +living examples which he had upon the platform. You see that was a free +show, while ours cost a quarter--and cheap at the price. + +"One afternoon after I had cracked my voice trying to draw the crowd +without landing one of 'em, Merritt comes to me, and as we saw the crowd +pouring in to the temperance show, we looked at each other and shook +our heads in sorrow. + +"'Jim,' says Merritt, 'that guy down there has got you skinned to death +on the ballyhoo, and it's up to you to go over there and get next to the +attraction and see if we can't cop it out for our show. I hate to ask it +of you,' says he, 'knowing your views on the temperance question, but +business is business and this ain't no time for sentiment.' It went +against the grain, but I knew it must be done, so I went down to the +lecture. I wasn't wise to the game, but I was anxious not to miss a +trick, so I went right up to the front, and the first thing I knew I was +seated on the mourners' bench, right under the platform. As soon as the +lecturer came on I piped him for a guy that used to pull teeth on the +Bowery with a brass band accompaniment and a gasoline torch, and I +remembered that at that time he could punish more booze than any man I +ever knew. He had the gift of gab all right, and he had picked up a +couple of panhandlers for horrible examples and they looked the part. +If either one of them had ever drawn a sober breath in twenty years he +should have sued his face for libel, and they looked as if they had been +towed behind a trolley car from the Battery to Fort George. + +"Well, the ex-jaw carpenter cut loose in good form, and he soon had +every one worked up, telling the horrible things which alcohol did to +your interior lining, and giving a description of the menagerie which a +man sees when he has the jim-jams, which would have done credit to the +boss lecturer in there." He pointed with his thumb to the Arena, and the +alert waiter, taking it for a signal, refilled the glasses. + +"He did it so well that he sort of had me going, and I was beginning to +think that possibly I was taking a trifle too much," continued the Press +Agent, as he sampled the fresh drink. "I was giving the matter serious +thought, when my attention was attracted by one of the panhandlers who +was nudging his partner. + +"'Bill,' says he, 'tell the old man to put on full steam ahead, for I'm +backsliding and need encouragement. I'm afraid I've got 'em again. Look +there!' Bill looks down the aisle and gets uneasy, too. + +"'Hank,' says he, 'I've got 'em, likewise, only that ain't my usual kind +of snake, coz he ain't got no plug hat with a red flannel band on it; +but it's me for the bromide and the simple life.' + +"'It's this damn Jersey whiskey that's changed 'em,' answers Bill. 'Mine +always has gorillas ridin' 'em.' Well, I looked around and I would have +been scared myself if I hadn't recognized our own bunch of snakes, each +one of 'em with the tail of the snake in front of him in his mouth. Old +'Limber Larry'--we called him that on account of his habit of going to +sleep curled up in a true lover's knot--was in the lead, and behind him +came about half a mile of snakes. + +"They were festooning themselves up the aisle, coming slow, because +there were a couple of them which could not move very fast, and when the +gait got too lively they used to bite their leaders' tails. Old Larry +was raising his head and looking around every few feet, and just when +the lecturer had reached the most thrilling part of his 'Ten Nights in a +Barroom' spiel he caught Larry's eye and the meeting adjourned, _sine +die_, right there. You couldn't see him for dust as he broke for the +nearest 'speakeasy,' and the two panhandlers were hanging on to his coat +tails. + +"Just then Merritt comes in looking worried, for he had gone to sleep +and let 'em get away from him, but when he sees 'em he takes his tin +whistle out of his pocket and goes back to the show, tooting it like a +blasted Pied Piper, the snakes following along as meek as Mary's little +lamb, and most of the audience goes with him at a quarter per." + +"Did business improve?" asked the Stranger. + +"Improve? Why, my boy, after we put that temperance show out of business +we just turned 'em away for three months. Not only did we do a good +business, but the hotel people put us on the free list at the bar, +because Merritt used to take 'em down in 'Interminable Snake' formation +for a dip in the ocean every morning, and the hotel press agent wrote it +up as the daily appearance of the gigantic sea serpent." + + + + +KALSOMINING AN ELEPHANT + + + + +KALSOMINING AN ELEPHANT + + +A delegation from the National Association of Press Agents which was +holding its annual meeting in the interests of the Furtherance of Truth +and the Elevation of the Show Business had left the meeting place in New +York, and after inspecting the various moral and entertaining +performances at Coney Island was gathered about one of the white-topped +tables near the Dreamland tower. Colonel Tody Hamilton, prince of press +agents, master of a picturesque vocabulary, inventor of superlatives in +the English language and champion of veracity, pointed laughingly toward +the Arena, where the Proprietor of the trained animal exhibition was +instructing a new barker how to make the most out of a trick of one of +the elephants which was being used for ballyhoo purposes in front of +the entrance to his show. + +"Listen to him, gentlemen, and you will be convinced that he is eligible +to membership in our truth-loving fraternity," he remarked admiringly. +The ungainly pachyderm was standing on its hind legs, trumpeting through +its upraised trunk a protest against the prodding of the sharp goad +which was forcing it to walk backward in that absurd position. The voice +of the Proprietor, who was using a megaphone, came to them distinctly as +he invited the people to look at "One of the greatest triumphs of the +animal trainer's art; something which has never been exhibited in any +country--an elephant WALKING UPON ITS HIND LEGS, BACKWARD!" + +The speech caught and held the attention of the crowd, and when the +elephant was allowed to rejoin its companions and the three great beasts +entered the building in single file, Tom grasping Roger's tail in his +trunk and Alice following suit with the caudal appendage of Tom, a +goodly number stepped up to the ticket booth and paid their entrance +money. The Colonel and his associates, whose business had made them +familiar with elephants, smiled at the credulity of the crowd, but +acknowledged the Proprietor's skill in attracting an audience. + +[Illustration: _"Sam Watson confessed the whole thing."_] + +"You wouldn't believe that I spent over seven hundred dollars to turn +that smallest elephant white a few years ago," said the Colonel as the +waiter refilled their glasses, but his companions made unanimous +protestation that they would believe any statement he made, and the +Colonel settled back comfortably in his chair to tell the story which +they demanded. + +"You will have to listen to the story of the famous war of the white +elephants, then," he said, good-naturedly, "a struggle which will remain +famous in the circus world as long as the big tops are spread. It was in +the good old days of fierce competition in the business, the days when +the press agents earned every dollar of their salaries, and sometimes +had to go to the extent of saying things in print which were not +strictly true. There was intense rivalry between the two big shows, the +P. T. Barnum and the Forepaugh aggregations, and the bitter feeling +between the proprietors was transmitted to the employees. The advance +agents would steal each other's printed matter and posters out of the +express offices, and you could always count on a fight between the +canvas men whenever the two shows were close enough together. They +would damage each other's property, loosen nuts on the wagons so that +the wheels would come off and cause upsets, and do anything to embarrass +the rival show. + +"Each show tried to outdo the other at every point; advertising, number +of performers, length of the street parade, menagerie collection and +everything which money could buy. They started in to see which could get +the largest herd of elephants, each advertising the largest herd in +captivity, and that competition raised the price of elephants all over +the world and denuded every small zoological park in Europe, while it +pretty nearly bankrupted the shows to feed them. We had eighty with the +Barnum circus, and finally Mr. Barnum came to me and said that he had +purchased a Sacred White Elephant and told me to start giving it +publicity. Of course, I didn't know anything about that particular kind +of elephant, but as I always like to be perfectly accurate in my +statements I made a scientific study of it. I found that, as a matter +of fact, there was no such thing as a white elephant known in natural +history, although there was an occasional absence of the usual pigment +in the skins of some beasts which give them a trifle lighter color, and +that these animals were apt to have a few spots on the body which were +nearly white, just as you sometimes hear of a negro who is spotted. When +such a spot occurs in the center of the forehead the Buddhists regard +the beast as sacred, from the fact that the god, Buddha, is always +depicted as wearing a jewel in that position and it is looked upon as +his special mark of protection. It is the ambition of every Indian Rajah +to possess one, for then he is billed as 'The Lord of the Sacred White +Elephant,' a title which seems to fill a long-felt want in the heart of +an Oriental potentate. + +"Well, Barnum's agent had, by some hook or crook, procured one of these +and sent it to London, but owing to the lateness of the season it was +decided to leave it there in the Zoological Gardens and get up a +controversy which, in itself, would be a good advertisement for it. The +average Englishman is very fond of writing to the _Times_ to expose a +fraud, and we knew that there would be a protest from those who would be +disappointed in the brute's color. There are hundreds of retired +officers who have served in India living in London, and they know all +about Sacred White Elephants, and time hangs heavily on their hands. +They were only too anxious to certify to its genuineness, and they wrote +the peppery kind of replies to the criticisms which might be expected +from men who had spent the best years of their lives under a hot sun and +lived upon curries and red peppers. Of course, I saw that the letters +were copied in the home papers, and before the circus season opened I +had the Great American Public watching anxiously for the reported +sailing of the Sacred White Elephant. + +[Illustration: _"Walking upon its hind legs, BACKWARD."_] + +"I should have been on my guard, for the Forepaugh bunch just kept +sawing wood and saying nothing, but whenever I met their press agent he +gave me the quiet laugh. Our elephant was finally shipped, and you can +imagine that I made the most of it in the papers. I had 'em filled up +for two days, and then, while ours was still in mid-ocean, out comes +Forepaugh's announcement that his Sacred White Elephant would land in +New York the following day. I knew it was a fake, for they were very +difficult to obtain, but they stole our thunder, just the same. I +managed to get a peep at it while it was being unloaded, and although it +was only a dirty yellowish color, I knew that it would make ours look +like a decided brunette by comparison. They had worked it well and kept +it quiet, but knowing that there was a nigger in the woodpile and that +money would bring him out, I spent it like a drunken sailor in trying to +get information. + +"Forepaugh had eminent scientists examine the beast and give their +certificates that it was genuine, and all the inside information I could +get was that the elephant had been purchased through Cross, the great +animal dealer in Liverpool, and that it had been kept secluded in his +place there all winter. Sam Watson, who was Forepaugh's foreign agent, +and his groom, a man named Telford, were the only people who had access +to it, and they had spent hours every day in its stall. Cross would give +us no information as to how or where he obtained the elephant, for +Forepaugh bought all of the animals for his menagerie through him, +while we dealt with his great rival, Hagenbeck, of Hamburg. + +"Forepaugh got all the newspaper space for the next few days, and when +our elephant finally arrived it looked mighty dark-colored for a white +elephant when compared with the fake one. It was hard to educate the +people up to the significance of the little white spot in the center of +the forehead, but any one but a blind man could see that Forepaugh's +fake was lighter in color. We went at it, horse, foot and artillery, and +the fight cost the two shows more than a quarter of a million dollars, +and lasted until we patched up a truce in St. Louis to save us both +going into bankruptcy. I got some of Cross's employees to swear that +they had seen the elephant being painted in Liverpool, and Forepaugh +replied by getting a commission of scientific sharps from Ann Arbor to +examine the beast and swear that the color was natural. There was good +money in perjury and scientific opinions those days, but I never let up +for a minute in my endeavor to get at the truth of the matter, for I +knew it was hanky panky and I am a diligent searcher after truth, +especially when a rival has sunk it to the bottom of a well. I +experimented with some of our elephants until I nearly took their thick +hides off, but I could get no satisfactory results until I called in +Marchand, the chemist, and asked him if he could give me something to +bleach an elephant. He had an especially strong solution of peroxide of +hydrogen made up, and I selected the smallest animal out of our herd of +eighty to try it on. It happened to be the one which you just saw +working on the ballyhoo over there, which you noticed was the ordinary +slate color. We soaked cloths in the peroxide and covered the beast with +them and then put blankets on top. After they had been on for awhile we +washed the animal with ammonia and water and repeated the performance +until that elephant was as white as snow. + +[Illustration: _"Forepaugh had eminent scientists examine the beast."_] + +"Forepaugh was to open in Philadelphia, so I shipped our fake over +there, and when they had their street parade I followed right behind it +with our bleached animal on a truck which was liberally placarded. The +notices called attention to the fact that Forepaugh's alleged sacred +elephant was simply painted and that the men who did it were bunglers at +the business. 'LOOK AT THIS ONE!' read our largest placard. 'WE TELL +YOU THAT IT IS A FAKE! So is Forepaugh's, but he won't tell! This is A +BETTER JOB BY A BETTER ARTIST!' That made the Forepaugh people hot, and +they replied with a new bunch of affidavits and expert opinions from a +lot of University of Pennsylvania professors. That couldn't offset our +show-up, though, and the whole situation had become so mixed that the +public thought all of the elephants were fakes. We had the only genuine +one and the best fake also, but they were a pair of white elephants in +every sense of the term, and a losing proposition. The one which we had +bleached would only keep white for about two weeks, and as each +treatment cost seven hundred dollars Barnum called me off. The Forepaugh +bunch was trying to poison it, and as the whole thing was dead as a +money-making venture and white elephants a drug in the market, we let +this one regain its natural color. When the great herd was broken up it +was sold off, and I never saw it again until to-night." + +"But what was the inside history of the Forepaugh white elephant?" asked +one of his companions, and the Colonel smiled as he lighted a fresh +cigar. + +"I never knew it until this year, when one night over a friendly drink +Sam Watson, who is now a clown with the Big Show, confessed the whole +thing. Forepaugh is dead and the shows have been consolidated, so there +is no further object in keeping the thing quiet. It seems that +Forepaugh's agents found out that Barnum had purchased the elephant from +an impecunious Indian Rajah; in fact, he had purchased two, the first +one having died on its way to England. It was the misdirection of a +cable announcing the death and ordering another at any cost which put +them wise to the fact that Barnum had a rarity. Watson had never heard +of a sacred elephant, but he started out to get one when he read that +cablegram. They were scarce articles, and Barnum had bought the only two +which were to be had for love or money in all India, so he and Cross got +their heads together and started out to manufacture a bogus one in +Liverpool. + +"They prepared a closed stall, which was always kept locked, and put an +elephant in it--just a common, or garden, elephant. Then Sam and his +groom, Telford, proceeded to get busy with bath bricks, pumice stone +and a barrel of white aniline dye. I imagine they had a pretty hard +winter's work and it was certainly a tough period for the elephant, +because they had to scrape about half the skin off the poor brute before +the dye would take hold. They finally succeeded in getting him several +shades lighter than normal, all except about eighteen inches at the end +of the trunk. They could do nothing with that on account of the habit of +the beast, which was always mussing around in its bedding, searching for +stray peanuts. + +[Illustration: _"Then Sam and his groom, Telford, proceeded to get +busy."_] + +"They kept in touch with the London Zoo and found out when we were to +ship the genuine one, and then got their fake on a steamer which would +land it in New York a few days ahead of us. Of course, they had to keep +working at it all the way over, but they kept it quiet and no one caught +on. When the scientific sharps came to examine it, Sam would hoist the +trunk up in the air while he drew their attention to the marvelous +whiteness of the under side, and no one caught on to the fact that the +end of the trunk was the natural color. + +"He let them remove some bits of skin for microscopic examination to +prove that no dye was used, but he always had them taken from the inner +side of the foreleg near the body, from which the natural pigment is +absent in all elephants. Sam swears that they never had to fix one of +the experts; they were only too anxious to get the advertisement, and +they were prepared to swear, and did in this particular case, that black +was white. + +"I have a few gray hairs in my head, and most of them came during the +strain of that fight. The game isn't what it used to be and I'm glad +that it isn't, and let me tell you, as a result of long experience, that +the worst thing which can happen to a man is to have a white elephant, +fake or genuine, on his hands." + + + + +THE HYPNOTIC BEAR AND THE SENTIMENTAL LECTURER + + + + +THE HYPNOTIC BEAR AND THE SENTIMENTAL LECTURER + + +The doctor shook his head as he slipped his ophthalmoscope into his +pocket, and Rey, the trainer, who had been holding the bear's head still +while the oculist made the examination, opened the door of the cage for +him. The bear--a medium-sized black animal--wandered aimlessly about, +stumbling over the water pan and knocking its head against the bars, its +eyes, which were evidently sightless, shining like two fiery opals as +they reflected the electric light. + +"I am sorry to tell you that it is a hopeless case," said the physician +to the Proprietor, who was standing with the Stranger in front of the +cage watching the examination. "Both optic nerves are atrophied, and +the animal must have received some serious injury, possibly a heavy +blow on the forehead." The Proprietor, who has the reputation of being a +"good loser," thanked him and gave some directions to the trainer about +the care of the animal before leading the way to the table in front of +the Arena, where the Press Agent was waiting for them. + +"It is rather unusual to call the most famous specialist in the country +to examine a menagerie animal," he said, after the doctor hurriedly left +them to catch the express train back to the city. "You know that he +takes no small fee; his services are either given for charity or his +charge is very high--and this visit was not for charity." + +"I should think that the value of a bear would hardly warrant the +expense," answered the Stranger as the waiter filled the glasses. + +"It wouldn't be for an ordinary bear, but I was willing to pay anything +in reason to restore the sight of this particular specimen, so I sent +for the best-known oculist in New York. The decision which he has just +given will probably mean a loss of thousands of dollars to me, but that +is one of the risks which I have to assume. Would it interest you to +hear a rather unusual romance of the menagerie business?" The Stranger +gave eager assent, and the Press Agent settled himself comfortably and +lighted a cigar. + +[Illustration: _"There seems to be a sympathy between them."_] + +"You have no idea how many animals are offered to the owner of a +menagerie and from what unusual sources the offers come," said the +Proprietor. "Travelers in far countries bring back strange animals as +pets or curiosities; people buy young wild animals which get beyond +control when they mature and become veritable white elephants on their +hands, and their owners have to dispose of them. I have had everything +from monkeys to lions brought to me, and so it did not surprise me when +an artist came to the Hippodrome in Paris last winter and asked me if I +didn't want to purchase a bear. He seemed anxious for me to see it +immediately, and at his earnest solicitation I got in a cab with him and +drove to his studio, which was situated on the far side of the Seine. +The bear which you saw examined to-night was in a small room adjoining +the studio, chained to a ring in the wall. + +"The apartment was luxuriously furnished, and I realized that it was not +lack of ready money which made the artist so anxious to dispose of the +brute; but he seemed in a desperate hurry to have me take it away, and +offered it for such a low price that I closed the bargain at once. I +suggested sending one of my men for it in the evening, but he insisted +upon my taking it with me, and as the bear was evidently as gentle as a +kitten I called a closed cab and drove away with it. The bear sat +comfortably on the seat beside me and gave no trouble, but as we drove +along I got to thinking the matter over and the whole proceeding seemed +a little strange. I had Mephisto, as the bear was named, put in a cage +well away from the other animals--a sort of quarantine precaution which +I always take with new arrivals--and as there was apparently nothing +unusual about him gave him little attention, there being for the moment +no group of animals in training for which he would be available. I soon +noticed that during the intermissions, when the audience wandered about +and examined the animals in the cages, there was always a crowd of women +about his den; but I thought that it was because he was such an +inveterate beggar, and had a habit of standing at the bars with his +mouth wide open, waiting for some one to flick a lump of sugar into it. + +"The bear had given us no trouble, and there was only one peculiar thing +about him: he seemed to have an aversion to cats. The bodies of three of +them had been found in front of his cage, although we had never seen one +killed. The cats about a menagerie instinctively keep out of harm's way, +and it puzzled me to know how Mephisto had managed to get them within +reach of his heavy paw. Jack Bonavita, who fusses about his lions at all +hours of the day and night, solved that mystery and incidentally saved +his pet cat, Tramp, from an untimely ending. Tramp has been with Jack +for years and appreciates the folly of venturing within reach of the +animals in the cages, but Bonavita came across him in front of +Mephisto's cage in the middle of the night. The bear was absolutely +quiet, lying with its head on its paws and its eyes, which glistened +like two points of flame, fixed on the cat. Tramp was staring at it in +turn and slowly drawing nearer to the cage, apparently struggling +against some influence which was stronger than its will. Bonavita +watched them for a few minutes, but before the cat ventured within +striking distance he picked it up and carried it away, while Mephisto, +growling with rage, tried to break through the stout bars and get at it. + +[Illustration: _"Tramp was slowly drawing nearer to the cage."_] + +"Two days before we were to sail for America I was sitting at my desk +arranging some of the last details of shipment, when the door burst open +and a well-dressed, handsome woman rushed in, followed by the artist who +had sold me the bear. She was in a tearing rage and jabbering excitedly +in a language which I did not understand, while the artist was trying to +quiet her. She pushed him aside, and opening a purse which was well +stuffed with banknotes, she asked in French, which she spoke with a +marked foreign accent, for how much I would sell Mephisto. The artist +protested, but she turned on him and gave him a tongue lashing of which +I could guess the meaning, although the words were unintelligible to me. +I couldn't quite grasp the situation, but the strange hypnotic power +which the bear apparently exercised over cats had excited my curiosity, +and I wished to investigate it at my leisure, so I politely but +positively refused to name a price, and told her the animal was not for +sale. The artist seemed relieved and she was very much disappointed, but +she quieted down and asked me what I intended to do with the animal. I +told her that I was taking it to America, where it would be put in a +mixed group which Rey was to train, and after inquiring when we were to +sail, they left the office. + +"I regretted that I had not taken the opportunity to find out something +about the history of the animal, and looked over the audience to try to +locate the couple, but they had left the building. One of the keepers +told me that she had screamed when she recognized the bear and called it +by name. She was trying to bribe him to let her go into the cage when +the artist came up and expostulated with her, and they had an awful row +before coming to my office. I heard nothing more from them and we +shipped the animals at Havre the following day. The traveling dens were +placed in the 'tween decks, which is not a pleasant place to be when the +ship is tossing about, and I was surprised the second day out to find +the woman who had tried to purchase Mephisto standing in front of his +cage in that smelly place, talking to the bear as if it were a child. +She laughed when I came up to her, and told me that as I would not part +with the bear I would have to take her with the show. I, too, laughed, +for I have a large family of daughters, and I knew that the simple +traveling gown which she wore had cost more than two months' salary of +my best trainer, but to my great surprise she was in dead earnest, and +asked me seriously if I would not let her train a group of animals." + +The Press Agent grew very attentive, but the Proprietor told him that he +was not talking for publication, and that a name which occupied several +pages of the Almanach de Gotha was sacred, even from an American +promoter of publicity. + +"And she does carry that name and was born to it," he continued, "but I +can't tell you what it is. She didn't tell it to me and it was not on +the passenger list, but the ambassador from a great European nation came +on from Washington to see her and remonstrate with her and to influence +me to exclude her from the show. I wouldn't consent to that, but I am +afraid that the accident of the bear's going blind will be the cause of +my losing an act which promised to be sensational." + +[Illustration: _"The bear sat comfortably on the seat beside me."_] + +"You have kept it quiet enough," said the Press Agent with a trace of +resentment in his voice. "It sounds to me as if it ought to be good for +a front-page column in every New York paper." + +"As I told you, there are reasons why I can't exploit it," answered the +Proprietor. "I am counting upon it for my opening sensation at the Paris +Hippodrome next winter, and I don't intend to discount it before a Coney +Island audience. But to get back to my experience with her on the +steamer. I found that she occupied the most expensive deck stateroom, +and had a maid and a man servant traveling with her; so that I refused +all of her renewed offers for the bear when I found the powerful +fascination it had for her, and I finally consented to let her try the +experiment of working with a group of animals. You know the class from +which trainers are usually recruited, and you can imagine the interest +I take in a woman who possesses an absolute fearlessness which is +inherited from generations of ancestors who have never shown the white +feather, in addition to education and intelligence. The only thing which +puzzled me was her motive, and that I have not discovered yet, although +the ambassador, who had received all sorts of communications about her +from his own government, told me her history. It seems that she has +always been noted for her eccentricity and her rebellion against the +strict laws of convention which were supposed to control her life, and +this is not the first time she has defied them. She had commissioned the +artist--who, by the way, is one of the most celebrated men in Paris--to +paint a portrait of her. At the same time he was painting an exhibition +picture to be called the 'Dancing Bear,' and had purchased Mephisto for +a model. The picture was to represent the bear dancing on its hind legs +opposite a woman, to the music of a flageolet played by a man bear +leader--such an exhibition as is commonly given at the country fairs +throughout Europe. He had no difficulty in getting a male model, but he +was in despair about the woman dancer. He tried model after model, and +although they started in all right each one became so nervous after a +sitting or two that they refused to continue. The bear was chained to +the wall and they were posed safely out of reach, but each of them +asserted that the animal was like a serpent and trying to charm them so +that they would come close enough to be caught. They were all afraid +that they might yield to the fascination and be seriously injured. +Tramp, the cat, would probably have told the same story if he had been +able to talk. + +"As a matter of curiosity the artist experimented with men, but the bear +appeared indifferent to them and the men made no complaint. It only +seemed to exercise this strange hypnotic power over women--and cats--for +the artist found two Persian felines, which had been studio pets, dead +beside it; simply crushed, as were those which were killed by the bear +at the Hippodrome. He mentioned the matter during one of the sittings +for the portrait, and the lady, being curious to see the animal, came to +his studio--and then the trouble commenced. She developed a most +unaccountable attachment for Mephisto, and he was as gentle as a lamb +with her. They would sit facing each other by the hour, and the artist +swore they talked to each other and understood each other perfectly. The +animal never attempted to harm her, but the artist became alarmed for +fear there should be an accident, and believing that there was something +uncanny about the brute, he decided to get rid of it and sold it to me. + +"Well, I watched her with the bear on shipboard and since we landed, and +I can't yet understand her control over it, for it does not control her +in any way. There seems to be a sympathy between them which makes them +absolutely understand each other, and through it she understands the +other caged beasts. The act which I had framed for her when I found that +she was absolutely in earnest was a dance to be given in the midst of a +group of adult lions. The lady is absolutely fearless and approved the +plan, but stipulated that she should select the lions. + +"'I have means of knowing which ones will behave and which are such +idiots that they can't be controlled if anything goes wrong,' she +answered when I suggested that I was a better judge of the dispositions +of the lions. 'I don't intend to have my beauty spoiled,' she said, 'and +I only want beasts which are intelligent. No one can trust a fool.' +Perhaps I have fallen under her influence, which according to her +standard should indicate intelligence, for I have given way at every +point and her judgment has proved correct, for in rehearsing the act she +has perfect control over the animals, three of which I considered the +most vicious in the menagerie. I let her take them in fear and +trembling. + +"For the past three days she has been anxious and uneasy about the bear +and has insisted that it was rapidly going blind. She says that the bear +is her teacher about things in the animal world, and that she can tell +what it is thinking about. Its eyes look perfectly sound, and it is only +for two days that we have noticed anything wrong with it. Mephisto knew +its way about its old cage so well that it gave no evidence of +blindness, and a bear is naturally clumsy in its movements, but when we +moved it to a strange den it stumbled over everything. I experimented by +bringing Tramp in front of its cage, but with the loss of sight the +hypnotic power has apparently deserted it, and the cat paid no attention +to it. Finally I called in the doctor and you heard him pronounce his +verdict." + +"But where is the great loss?" asked the Stranger. + +"It is principally a loss in prospective profits," replied the +Proprietor as he beckoned to the waiter. "I had the new act all planned +out for Paris--the lady was to appear masked for her performance, but I +knew her identity would be discovered and that it would be a tremendous +sensation. I don't know how much of her desire to train animals is due +to eccentricity and as a protest against the conventions which hedged +in her former life, and how much to her strange infatuation for +Mephisto, but since its blindness has developed she has lost interest +and I suppose she will renege on the whole business." + +"How do you account for it all--her infatuation for the bear and her +intuitive knowledge of the dispositions of the lions?" asked the +Stranger. + +"I don't try to account for anything. It is one of the thousand things +about animals and the million things about women which no mere man can +understand," replied the Proprietor laughing. "I have simply given you +the facts of the situation and you can draw your own conclusions, but +the bear's blindness upsets my plans and possibly prevents a sensation +in circles which approach royalty." + +"Women _are_ difficult to understand," agreed the Press Agent as the +Proprietor paused to moisten his throat, "and a man who is in love with +one of 'em is just about as unaccountable for his actions. I had that +fact engraved upon the tablets of my memory when a guy named Merritt and +myself were running a dime museum in Pittsburg. Merritt was a good, +hard-headed business man as a rule and he made a first-class lecturer; +but when I found that he was taking to 'dropping into poetry' and +delivering his descriptions of the freaks in verse, I began to get leary +about the condition of the contents of his head. The poetry was always +extemporaneous and was pretty bad, but it amused the crowd when it +wasn't too sentimental. + +"As I say, the poetry was strictly on the bum, but what it lacked in +quality it made up in quantity and he could spiel it off by the yard. +Whenever he got stuck for a rhyme he would blow the whistle which he +used to call the crowd in front of the freak he was lecturing about and +move to the next platform. That didn't happen often, but whenever we had +a Circassian Beauty among the freaks Merritt's poetry got so sentimental +that no one but a bride and groom could stand for it--and it had to be +early in the honeymoon at that. He would ring in turtle doves and azure +skies and all the wishy-washy things in natural history and mythology +and it was positively sickening. + +"He sure had a soft place in his heart for Circassian Beauties, and as +they were as common as wire tappers on Broadway under a reform +administration he was always getting sentimental. We used to get a new +lot of freaks each week; our agent in New York engaged 'em and sent on +the advertising matter ahead, and when we looked over the list I could +see Merritt's face brighten up if there happened to be one of the fuzzy +blondes included in the bunch. + +"Business was good, in spite of Merritt's poetry, so that I didn't kick +when I saw that another one was coming. It was a good assortment: a +Legless Wonder, The Man Who Breaks Paving Stones With His Bare Fists, a +pair of Siamese Twins, a Leopard Boy and a particularly fuzzy Circassian +Beauty. I saw Merritt's eyes grow soft when he looked at her photograph, +and I prayed for a large proportion of the newly wedded among the +audience that week. + +[Illustration: _"He made sheep's eyes and threw a chest."_] + +"Well, Merritt starts in with the Stone Breaker and restrains himself +pretty well; the only sentiment he got in was a fervent wish that 'a +certain blonde beauty, with eyes of cerulean blue, would not break a +heart which time would prove tender and true,' as ruthlessly as this man +cracked rocks. He was gradually working up to the blonde, you +understand, and he got warmer as he approached. The next one was the +Legless Wonder, and he got a little tangled up in his comparisons when +he sprung his poetry about him and tried to ring in the Circassian, and +he had to blow his whistle like blazes to spare the blushes of the +audience. The Siamese Twins gave him a good opening about 'bonds +eternal' and the 'season vernal' and he didn't do a thing with it. The +Leopard Boy was a cinch for him as he declaimed that + + "'They say that beauty is but skin deep. + And as you gaze upon this freak, + You will, I think, agree with me, + That though beneath he fair may be, + You'd much prefer to look the same + As the fair being who next will claim + Our admiration and attention, + With charms too numerous to mention.' + +"That made the Leopard Boy mad, for you know that freaks are as proud of +their deformities as a mother is of a new baby, and look on normal +people as objects of pity. But Merritt blew his whistle and passed on to +the Circassian, and he made sheep's eyes and threw a chest as his +fingers toyed with her peroxide locks. Say, it was sickening to listen +to, and I saw that even the Stone Breaker was showing signs of distress +and couldn't stand much of it. He bore up pretty well at first, while +Merritt stuck to describing the 'golden locks and eyes of blue,' but +when he got to the 'sugar is sweet and so are you,' stage he commenced +to get mad and moved over to the platform. + +"'Say, Mag,' says he, 'get down offen dat staige an' come away from de +guy. It ain't in our contrac' dat we has ter stand for his gettin' soft +on youse an' stringin' youse like dat. Come down, er I'll climb up an' +break his face fer him.' + +"'Sure, Mike,' says the blonde, and climbs down. That made Merritt mad +and he talks real English without any poetic frills for a minute. He +allowed that he could lick any Stone Breaker that ever came off the +Bowery, and when he started to prove it there was a mix-up which made +the breaking up of 'The Society upon the Stanislaus' look like a fist +fight between two Frenchmen. The walls were covered with curiosities +from all over the world, and pretty soon they were flying through the +air. Merritt yanked down an Indian war club and started for the Stone +Breaker and somebody swatted him over the head with a mummy. The Legless +Wonder couldn't join in, but he contributed a two-headed calf which was +preserved in a jar of alcohol, and the Leopard Boy grabbed a bunch of +Zulu spears and prodded every one in reach. Even the blonde was +something of a scrapper and she mixed in with a miscellaneous assortment +of stuffed animals and preserved specimens, to say nothing of some +choice language which she hadn't learned in Circassia. The place was +pretty well wrecked by the time the police arrived and separated the +fighters. + +"'What's all this row about, anyway?' asks the sergeant after they had +quieted things down. + +"'Dat guy was tryin' to get nex' to me wife, de Circassian Beaut',' +answers the Stone Breaker. 'He spouts bum poetry about her, an' I won't +stand fer it, see? Leave me go an' I'll crack his nut as easy as I would +a pavin' stone.' Merritt had lots of fight left in him and tried to +break loose, but the Circassian's remarks wilted him and I never knew +him to use poetry again. + +"'Aw, wot's de use, Mike?' says she. 'Youse can't crack a ting dat ain't +hard, an' his sky-piece is made of mush.'" + + + + +THE TRAGEDY OF THE TIGERS AND THE POWER OF HYPNOTISM + + + + +THE TRAGEDY OF THE TIGERS AND THE POWER OF HYPNOTISM + + +Chauncey Depew was at the bottom of all the trouble; not the punctured +senator from the state of New York, but his namesake, one of the +handsomest double-striped royal Bengal tigers ever captured. Depew was +the central figure in the group which Miller, the trainer of tigers, had +worked so hard to educate, and it was his rebellion which made the +teacher's labors of years come to naught. Late in the season, after +months spent in giving the finishing touches to their education while +they were with a small part of the show which was exhibited near +Cleveland, the tigers were brought to Dreamland; a group of eight +magnificent beasts, all jungle bred and each worthy of a place in any +menagerie. Perhaps it was the discomfort of the journey in the small +traveling cages, possibly the change in the surroundings and the +nearness of the other animals excited them; but whatever the cause, +there was trouble in the narrow runway at the back of the dens when they +entered it to go to the exhibition cage for their first Coney Island +appearance. + +The sound of their snarling and growling, the reports of pistol shots +and the cracking of training whips caused a sensation of uneasiness in +the audience until the first tiger bounded through the door at the back +of the cage, closely followed by a half-dozen others. Dangerous beasts +they looked as they threw themselves against the stout bars, which +rattled from the impact of their great bodies, and the front seats of +the auditorium were quickly vacated by the audience. The noise in the +runway continued, but the deep throaty growls which came from behind the +dens were of a different quality from the snarling and yapping of the +seven beasts in the exhibition cage, and when the last of the tigers +appeared in the doorway the first arrivals made renewed efforts to +escape through the bars. + +[Illustration: _"The first tiger bounded through the door."_] + +It was Depew; not the good-natured-looking great cat whose +"I-have-eaten-the-canary" expression and smug whiskers had suggested his +name, but a jungle tiger who had "gone bad," as the animal trainers call +it, and who stood for a moment in the doorway, wrathfully surveying his +frantic companions and selecting a victim. Froth was dripping from his +snarling lips, his small eyes were blazing like two points of flame, the +hair on his neck and back stood up like bristles, and his great tail +struck the door-casing resounding whacks, as he lashed it from side to +side. Only a moment he stood there, and then the great striped body +hurtled through the air as if shot from a catapult, and covering a good +twenty feet in the spring it landed fair on Bombay, one of the largest +tigers in the group. The aim was a true one and the sound of breaking +bone mingled with a scream of pain from his victim, as Bombay sank under +the weight of the blow, his cervical vertebrae crushed between Depew's +powerful jaws. + +The door had been closed behind Depew when he made his spring, and the +other tigers were chasing madly about the great cage, looking for a +chance to escape. There was no desire to fight left in them, but when +they collided with each other they snapped and struck with the instinct +of self-preservation, their sharp claws and teeth cutting gashes in the +sleek striped coats. It was evident that all training had been +forgotten, that fear of anything so puny as man had departed from the +minds of the tigers, and a groan went up from the audience when the door +was opened and quickly closed behind Miller, the trainer, who stood, +whip and training rod in hand, in the cage with the maddened animals. He +went about his work as quietly as if it were only an ordinary +performance, his object being to return his pupils to their dens before +further damage was done and to try to make them recognize that they were +obeying him. + +Depew was still crouched on the body of his victim, biting at the neck +and growling ferociously, his tail lashing from side to side. Miller +never took his eyes from him and kept between him and the door as he +called the others by name and tried to regain control of them. One tiger +after another was released, glad of the opportunity to escape, as the +door to the runway was opened at Miller's signal, until only Depew, the +body of Bombay and the trainer occupied the cage. + +The other tigers had entered into a general free fight in the runway, +but the noise of their bickering was unheeded in the excitement of the +contest in the exhibition cage. Depew rose as Miller cracked his whip +and approached him, and made a rush which the trainer met with his +pronged training rod, driving it hard between the widely opened jaws +while his whip rained blows upon the tiger's face. But he was only +checked for a moment, and under his fiercer attack the trainer was +forced to give ground. They were so close that the tiger could not +spring, but he struck savagely with his great forepaws and tried again +and again to pass the guard which Miller maintained with the training +rod, using it as a fencer uses a foil. It was an unequal contest and the +trainer realized that he was beaten; Depew would not be driven from the +cage. The useless training whip was discarded and a savage rush from the +tiger was met by a pistol shot in the face, blank cartridge, of course, +but effective for a moment. Five more shots followed in quick succession +and the trainer backed quickly toward the door, when his foot slipped, +he was on his back, and Depew, quick to seize the advantage, stood over +him. + +[Illustration: _"Depew was still crouched on the body of his victim."_] + +Every keeper connected with the show stood about the cage with the Roman +candles, fire extinguishers, pistols and irons which are always kept in +readiness, and any or all of them would have willingly entered to rescue +the man, but experience has taught them that two cannot work together +in a cage with animals. They were quick to act and a stream of water +under heavy pressure from the fire hose struck the tiger in the side, +exploding fireworks scorched his skin, the din of revolver shots was in +his ears, while the wads from the cartridges stung him, but he seemed +conscious only of the prostrate form beneath him. At last his chance had +come; the trainer who for long months had made him do foolish things +which were beneath the dignity of a royal tiger was in his power; the +revolver which had so often checked him was emptied; the cruel training +rod was powerless, for the hand which held it was pinned to the floor by +a huge paw. Cat-like he paused to glory in his triumph, loath to give +the _coup de grace_ which would put his victim beyond the reach of +suffering, and he stood there growling, the bloody slaver from his jaws +dripping on the upturned face of the prostrate man. + +Animal trainers need to think quickly and to seize the slightest moment +of hesitation or indecision on the part of their pupils if they wish to +be long-lived, and Miller, as he fell, had thrown his useless pistol out +of the cage and uttered the one word "Load!" There was no time for that, +but Tudor, seeing that the trainer had one arm free, threw his own +pistol through the bars and it slid across the floor of the cage +straight as a die to the outstretched hand. It was a time when fractions +of a second count and Depew's hesitation robbed him of his revenge. The +opened jaws were within a foot of the trainer's throat when the muzzle +of the pistol went between them, and Depew, coughing and choking, drew +back, his throat scorched by the burning powder, his eyes momentarily +blinded by the stream from a fire extinguisher, while Miller struggled +to his feet. + +"People who see the crowds at my show think that I must coin money," +said the Proprietor as he joined the Press Agent and the Stranger after +the performance. "But that accident in the Arena to-night means a loss +of fifty thousand dollars to me." + +"Isn't that a high figure, even if they all die?" asked the Stranger, +who had been doing a little mental arithmetic. + +"For those eight, yes, although a trained tiger is worth all sorts of +money, but I have purchased twenty-eight in all for that group, and the +others have been killed one by one, fighting among themselves. They +average over a thousand apiece, for I bought only the best, and figure +up the cost of their keep, transportation and trainer's salaries for +three years and you will find that I am not far out. That is the +difficulty of the show business in America, the public demands so much. +It is a marvelous thing, when you come to think of it, to see one +educated tiger; but if he wore evening clothes and played the fiddle it +wouldn't impress the Americans; they would demand a full orchestra. I +can give an act an hour long in Paris with one high school horse, but +here they want fifty liberty horses in a bunch and only care to watch +them for ten minutes. I realized that from Bonavita's act with the +lions; no individual lion did very much, but the fact that there were +twenty-seven of them in the cage drew the crowds. That's what made me +start in with the tigers, and I intended to get a big group, but now I +am back where I started from. I don't believe a troupe of tigers can +ever be trained." + +[Illustration: _"Depew, coughing and choking, drew back."_] + +"Hagenbeck has them," ventured the Stranger. "They seem as tame as +kittens with his show." + +"That's just the point," answered the Proprietor. "They are as tame as +kittens: undersized brutes which have been raised in captivity and +which go through their act like domestic cats. That isn't what the +public wants. A sensation--the realization that every animal in the cage +is a wild animal and that he is liable to remember it at any minute--is +what holds attention. That is why I always use jungle animals when I can +get them, for, although they can be as well trained, they always perform +under protest and it makes it exciting. But the losses from fighting +among themselves make it mighty expensive to keep up the big groups +which the American public demands." + +"That's one of the things which drove me out of the show business," said +the Press Agent as he set his empty glass on the table and signaled to +the waiter. "A guy named Merritt and myself had a snake show in New York +a few years ago which presented the most complete collection of reptiles +ever gotten together, for it contained specimens of every species of +wriggler known to herpetology and a good many that were not described in +the books. That man Merritt was an inventive genius and had the +California sharp, Burbank, beaten a mile when it came to inventing new +species. When business was dull he'd take a lot of common, ordinary +snakes into the back room and with a bottle of peroxide of hydrogen and +an assortment of aniline dyes he would bring out albinos and spotted and +striped snakes which made the scientists open their eyes and kept 'em +busy inventing new Latin names. + +"His biggest success was 'The Great Two-horned Rhinoceros Serpent,' +which made 'em all sit up for a month, and if I hadn't seen Merritt +working over a common boa-constrictor with a pair of shark's teeth and a +dish of bird lime it would have fooled me. That snake was proud of the +horns which Merritt glued on his head, too, and he used to chase the +other snakes around the cage and butt 'em like a giddy billy-goat. But +in spite of all his ingenuity in originating new varieties, business was +dropping off, for the public demanded quantity as well as quality and we +had skinned the local snake market clean. We were sitting in the office +one day, figuring on where we could get additions to our collection, +when a stout, red-faced little man who had 'sea captain' written all +over him came in and asked if we wanted any more snakes. Merritt allowed +that we did if the snakes and the prices were right and asked where we +could inspect them. + +"'Well, I've got one that I brought from Borneo and he's on a ship down +in the harbor,' says the Captain. 'We won't argue none about the price, +for if you'll come down and take him away you can have him for nothing.' +That made Merritt a little suspicious and he asked the Captain if it +were his ship. + +"'I reckoned it was until two days ago, when that blame snake broke +loose,' he answered irritably. 'Since then he seems to own it and not a +man jack of the crew will go below. I've tried to shoot him, but the +beggar's too quick, and I want to discharge my cargo, so if you ain't +afraid to tackle him, come on.' + +"'Me afraid! Me?' says Merritt throwing out a chest. 'Why, man alive, +I'm the only living snake charmer who ever dared handle the dangerous +Two-horned Rhinoceros Serpent, and do you think I'd weaken before a +common Borneo python?' + +"'I dunno whether you will or not until I see you try,' says the +Captain. 'I've handled a Malay crew, which is worse than serpents, and +I've mixed it up with most of the scum that sails the seven seas, but +this blame snake's got me bluffed all right. He's three fathom long, as +big around as the mainmast, and made up principally of muscle and +wickedness.' + +"'Just watch me. Watch me!' says Merritt. 'I'll use my wonderful +hypnotic power and you'll see the serpent crawl into the bag at my +command, to be easily transported to this moral and elevating show for +exhibition as an example of the power of mind over matter.' + +"'All right, professor,' says the Captain. 'But if you'll take my advice +you'll stow those shore-going togs and get into working rig before you +tackle him.' Merritt was arrayed in all his finery, and if you'd ever +seen him you'd know that that meant a lot, for when he was flush he +could make Solomon in all his glory, or any other swell dresser look +like a dirty deuce in a new deck. He had on a light suit with checks +which were so loud they drowned the music of the orchestra, and a shirt +which would make a summer sunset hide its head in disappointment. Patent +leather shoes with yellow tops and a white plug hat with a black band +around it completed his costume, except for a few specimens of yellow +diamonds which adorned his shirt front and cuffs. + +"Merritt snorted contemptuously at the suggestion and we started for the +ship. When we got on board he made a little speech before he went into +the hold, telling the sailors about his wonderful hypnotic power and how +he would exercise it to charm the serpent which was preventing their +worthy Captain from reaping the rewards of his arduous toil and his +hardihood in having braved the perils of the vasty deep. The sailors +listened and grinned, but the Captain was getting impatient and +suggested that Merritt get the snake first and give his spiel afterward, +so Merritt went down the ladder with the bag over his shoulder and we +all rubbered down the hatchway to watch the capture. + +[Illustration: _"Merritt was quick enough to get a strangle hold around +the snake's neck."_] + +"I knew what he would try to do, for I had seen him work it before. The +way to get one of those big snakes is to cover his head with a bag, and +then he'll crawl in himself to get into the dark, which is a serpent's +idea of safety. The more you prod 'em the faster they'll crawl, and that +was the time when Merritt always made passes with his hands and muttered +gibberish to impress the spectators. He started in according to +programme as soon as he located the snake, which was half hidden among a +lot of casks. The snake carried out his part and struck at the opened +bag which Merritt held out to him, but instead of sticking his head in +he grabbed it with his teeth, and as Merritt held on he drew him back +among the barrels and there was a pretty fight. Merritt was quick enough +to get a strangle hold around the snake's neck and then it kept him +busy keeping out of his coils. The Captain hadn't lied much about the +size of the python--it was about thirty feet long--and Merritt didn't +have time to use any incantation, although considerable forcible +language floated up through the hatchway. They wiped the deck with each +other for about twenty minutes, and Merritt had been bumped against +pretty nearly every cask in the hold before he finally succeeded in +drawing the sack over the snake's head. Then it was easy, and in spite +of his lack of breath the showman in Merritt asserted itself. He put the +sack on the floor, and with one foot on the neck of it he prodded the +snake's body with the other while he made mysterious passes with his +hands until the tip of the tail disappeared. When the sack was securely +tied up the python was hoisted on deck, and Merritt, his clothing torn +and soiled with pitch and the miscellaneous oily and sticky things which +made up the ship's cargo, climbed up after it. + +"'Did you see me?' he asked proudly, throwing out his chest. 'Did you +observe the wonderful hypnotic power which overcame the prowess of the +serpent?' + +"'Yes, I noticed it, along toward the finish,' answered the Captain, +grinning skeptically as he sized up Merritt's dilapidated apparel. 'But +say, professor, what I can't understand is why you didn't get it working +sooner.'" + + +THE END + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. Dialect + spellings have been retained. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Side Show Studies, by Francis Metcalfe + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SIDE SHOW STUDIES *** + +***** This file should be named 23542.txt or 23542.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/5/4/23542/ + +Produced by Stephen Blundell and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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