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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 02:04:42 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 02:04:42 -0700 |
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diff --git a/23352-h/23352-h.htm b/23352-h/23352-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0a489df --- /dev/null +++ b/23352-h/23352-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2108 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Comical People, by Unknown. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + p {margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + text-indent: 1.25em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + img {border: 0;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: justify;} + + .bbox {border: solid 2px; margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figright {float: right; clear: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; margin-right: 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .unindent {margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + .right {text-align: right;} + .poem {margin-left: 30%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: left;} + + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Comical People, by Unknown + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Comical People + +Author: Unknown + +Illustrator: J. J. Grandville + +Release Date: November 6, 2007 [EBook #23352] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COMICAL PEOPLE *** + + + + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +University of Florida, The Internet Archive/Children's +Library) + + + + + + +</pre> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_i" id="Page_i">[i]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 306px;"> +<img src="images/fcover.jpg" width="306" height="400" alt="Cover: COMICAL PEOPLE" title="Cover: COMICAL PEOPLE" /> +</div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_ii" id="Page_ii">[ii]</a></span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h1>COMICAL PEOPLE</h1> + +<div class='center'>ILLUSTRATED</div> + +<h3>WITH SIXTEEN PICTURES</h3> + +<div class='center'> +TAKEN FROM THE EMBROIDERED TAPESTRY CONTRIBUTED<br /> +BY MARIA FUSINATA, OF BELLUNO,<br /> +TO THE GREAT EXHIBITION.<br /> +<br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2>Drawn and Grouped from the Designs</h2> + +<div class='center'>OF<br /> + +J. J. GRANDVILLE.<br /> + +<br /><br /> +LONDON:<br /> +DAVID BOGUE, 86 FLEET STREET.<br /> +MDCCCLII.<br /></div> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a name="lady" id="lady"></a> +<img src="images/frontis.jpg" width="600" height="378" alt="Lady Chaffinch's Ball" title="Lady Chaffinch's Ball" /> +<span class="caption">LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL</span> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_iii" id="Page_iii">[iii]</a></span></p> + +<h2>CONTENTS.</h2> + + + + + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Contents"> +<tr><td align='right' colspan='2'><small>PAGE</small></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Lady Chaffinch's Ball</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Lord of the Manor</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_13">13</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">My Neighbours. A Country Story. By Warren Rabbitt</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_17">17</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The De Mousas. A Tale</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_27">27</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Rookwood Hall</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_33">33</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">City People</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_37">37</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Portrait-Painter</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_41">41</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Stuffed Animals in the Exhibition</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_46">46</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Alderman Gobble's Ambition</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_49">49</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Mrs. Strutt's Seminary</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_53">53</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_iv" id="Page_iv">[iv]</a></span></p> + +<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS.</h2> + + + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="List of Ilustrations"> +<tr><td align='right' colspan='2'><small>PAGE</small></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Lady Chaffinch's Ball</span> (<i>Double Plate</i>)</td><td align='right'><a href="#lady"><i>Frontispiece</i></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Great Mr. Grandboy and the Hon. Mrs. Delmacare</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_5">5</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Lady Zebu and Admiral Macaw</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_7">7</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Poacher</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_13">13</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Duel between Mr. Chanticleer and young Leverett</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_17">17</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Mr. Leverett's Interview with Sharpe Vulture, Esq.</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_23">23</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Arrest of Mr. Chanticleer</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_25">25</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The De Mousas</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_27">27</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Marriage Settlement</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_33">33</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Mr. Trunk and his Advisers</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_37">37</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Mr. Porcupine's Studio</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_41">41</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Strange Visitors at the Exhibition</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_47">47</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Lord Falcon and his London Visitors</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_49">49</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Walk to Highgate</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_53">53</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Travelling Showman</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_55">55</a></td></tr> +</table></div> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[v]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>PREFACE.</h2> + + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Among</span> the contributions to the Great Exhibition which, +from their position, did not acquire that popularity and +praise which was due to them, were some fine specimens +of embroidery from Vienna and various towns in Austria.</div> + +<p>Hung high up, beyond the glance of the casual observer, +the elaborately-worked tapestry of Maria Fusinata attracted +little attention. Those, however, who had the good fortune +to notice it were always delighted with the excellent adaptation +of the clever designs of Grandville, which the embroiderer +had so faithfully rendered. The expression of +the animals was most cleverly given, and the brightness of +the colours added much to the effect of the compositions.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vi" id="Page_vi">[vi]</a></span></p> + +<p>Had Ploucquet added some of these designs to his "Reynard +the Fox," he would have increased the attraction of +his show, deservedly popular as it was. Grandville, in these +delineations of the faculties of animals, is quite equal to +Kaulbach; and, though the French artist had not the honour +of having his pictures copied in stuffed animals, they are +thought to be quite worthy of being formed into a volume +as a sequel to the "Comical Creatures from Wurtemberg."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL.</h2> + + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Heigh-ho!</span> well, I am at home again at last. I wonder +if I am the same innocent little Linnet that left these bowers +only three months ago. What have I seen, where have I +been?—or rather, What have I not seen, where have I not +been? I have visited China and Peru, Nova Scotia, +Trinidad, and Tuscany; I have been to Sweden, Egypt, +Germany, and Mexico, and I have some recollections of +Sardinia, and the United States. This is good travelling +for three months, is it not?</div> + +<p>Let me think: how shall I tell you about it? I will +begin at the beginning—</p> + +<p>Three months ago, as I was sitting in our summer-house, +warbling one of my newest songs, our page Tom—Tom-tit +we call him, he is such a funny little fellow—brought me a +letter that had just been left by the postboy.</p> + +<p>I have it by heart.</p> + +<p>"My dear little Songbird,"—this is a name they gave to +me from my infancy, for they say I could sing before I could<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span> +speak,—"My dear little Songbird," thus the letter began, +"All the world is coming to London this spring to see the +most wonderful of sights; try and persuade my dear sister, +that kind Mamma of yours, to let you pay your long-promised +visit to me. You must come in May, and you may stay with +me as long as you can bear to be away from your delightful +home. Let me know when I may expect you.</p> + +<div class='right'> +<span style="margin-right: 3em;">"Your loving Aunt,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-right: 1em;">"<span class="smcap">Jenny Goldfinch</span>."</span><br /> +</div> + +<p>And I remember that the envelope was addressed, +"Lady Linnet, Gorse Bush, Somersetshire;" and that in +the left-hand corner there was written, "For Miss Linnet."</p> + +<p>Did not I fly to my "kind Mamma" as soon as I had read +this note, and when she had consented that I should go to +see that dear old Aunt of mine in London, did not I half +smother her with kisses. I thought the first of May would +never come,—but it did; and Tom-tit was sent to London +with me by the railway to take care of me.</p> + +<p>My good Aunt received me with the greatest kindness, +and her son Drinkwater, one of the handsomest young fellows +I ever saw in my life, began whispering compliments to me +as soon as ever we were left together. I had a lovely +little boudoir entirely for my own use, and my page Tom-tit +had nothing else to do but wait on me. My cousin Drinkwater<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span> +and I were soon great friends; he took me to the +Opera, where I listened to singing such as I had never heard +at Gorse Bush; he took me to the Chiswick Fête, where I +saw flowers such as I had never dreamed of; and he took me—how +many times? well, I can't recollect—to that dear, delightful +Crystal Palace, where we visited more foreign countries +than I knew of in my Geography, and where we often found +ourselves quite alone, looking at those charming seeds from +the West India Islands; and where we enjoyed some of the +most delightful days of all our lives,—at least, Drinkwater +said so; and I think I must say so too.</p> + +<p>Every one has been to the Crystal Palace, so it is of no use +talking about the Koh-i-noor, or the fierce-looking Amazon, +or the beautiful Veiled Vestal, or the Greek Slave, or those +terrible-looking owls or funny foxes, or the other Comical +Creatures that came from Wurtemberg. I will, therefore, +tell you how we amused ourselves when we were not inclined +to have our brains bewildered.</p> + +<p>First, let me inform you that my cousin, who was born in +London, knows all the grand people by sight, and bows to a +great many of them. You may imagine what a treat it was +to me, who had lived in a country village all my life, to see +with my own eyes His Royal Highness the Prince, or His +Grace the Duke, or Her Grace the Duchess, or His Excellency +the Marquis, or the Most Noble the Marchioness, pass by in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span> +their grand carriages. How I used to stand on tip-toe to +get a glimpse of their faces over the people's heads, and how +Drinkwater used to laugh at me.</p> + +<p>One morning we were walking in Hyde Park, amusing +ourselves in the usual way, when Drinkwater whispered to +me hurriedly, "Here come a great Lion and Lioness." You +may imagine my sensations. Bewildered with terror, I was +about to leave him, and fly; but when I turned with trembling +limbs and looked in the direction he pointed out, I saw that +these fearful creatures appeared quite harmless: in fact, the +great Lion, though he looked very magnificent, was quietly +smoking a cigar; and except that the Lioness stared very +fiercely, and wore spurs, and carried a riding-whip, I really +don't think I should have known that she was a Lioness. +A little Tiger, leading the Lioness's horse, followed them at +a short distance.</p> + +<p>I noticed that every one made way for these important +members of society, who, indeed, seemed to think the earth +hardly good enough for them to walk upon; but when they +had passed by, I heard the people say, "That's the great +Mr. Grandboy. He is one of our celebrated Lions. He is +a perfect literary Beau Brummel; the author of several +novels, that have been read prodigiously; he composes +operas, sets the fashion of the cravat, and, they say, writes +leaders for 'The Times.'"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 333px;"> +<img src="images/i001.jpg" width="333" height="400" alt="THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE." title="THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE." /> +<span class="caption">THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE.</span> +</div> +<p>"And who, pray, is the Lioness?"</p> + +<p>"That is the Hon. Mrs. Delmacare. She writes novels, +too, follows the hounds, and often whips her Tiger."</p> + +<p>Such were the remarks of the crowd.</p> + +<p>Drinkwater told me that some of these Lions and Lionesses +do most extraordinary things, and that people run after them +and invite them to the most costly entertainments, where they +are expected to amuse the guests by their roars. I am glad +I am not a Lioness.</p> + +<p>When I had somewhat recovered from the agitation caused +by this rencontre, Drinkwater persuaded me to take a walk +to St. James's Park, to see those charming ducks, and the +black swans, and the queer little creatures that dive so prettily. +We passed under the arch with the great horse on the top. +I asked my cousin if he knew what country such horses were +found in, but he could not tell me, and we walked on and +soon came to the Queen's Palace.</p> + +<p>Here let me take breath;—just at the very moment we +reached the gateway, out rolled the royal carriage, and in it, +to our great happiness, we beheld her Most Gracious Majesty +the Queen, and His Royal Highness the Prince Albert; and +with them were those dear children, the Princess Royal and +the Prince of Wales—Heaven bless them! How I did long +to kiss them both. When the last wheel of the royal carriage +was quite out of sight, we turned to look at the palace that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span> +the Queen lived in, and Drinkwater pointed out to me the +funniest creature that ever I saw standing on a pedestal by +the gate. He said it was a Unicorn, and that it was put +there on purpose to make the Queen laugh. After we had +counted the thousand and one windows in the front of the +Palace, we strolled along the pleasant path by the little lake, +and watched the children as they came with cakes in their +hands to feed those greedy geese, that seemed as if they would +gobble up cakes, and children, and all.</p> +<div class="figright" style="width: 335px;"> +<img src="images/i002.jpg" width="335" height="400" alt="LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW." title="LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW." /> +<span class="caption">LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW.</span> +</div> +<p>While we were resting ourselves on a seat under the trees, +some distant relations of ours, the Sparrowes of Evryware, +passed by. It was well they did not see us, for some of them +know me, and I must confess that I should not like to have +been seen speaking to such shabby, ill-looking fellows. I +wonder what their relations in the country would have said, +had they seen them in such wretched condition. Their coats +were torn, one of them had lost part of his tail, and their faces +looked as if they had not been washed since the last shower +of rain. Fearing lest the Sparrowes should return and discover +us, I asked Drinkwater to take the ferry-boat to the +other side; and just as we landed we had the pleasure of +seeing the great Lord Bison introduce his sister, Lady +Dorothy Zebu, to the renowned Admiral Macaw. You +should have seen the polite bow of the admiral, and the +delightful curtsey of the lady. I was charmed beyond expression.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span> +Lord Bison has a fine military air; they say he +fought many battles on the American prairies. Lady Dorothy, +who has just come from India, has, on the contrary, a mild, +benignant countenance, and, I am told, is very religious. The +admiral was covered with gold, and purple, and scarlet, and +looked for all the world like one of his namesakes in that +beautiful place, the Zoological Gardens.</p> + +<p>This was one of my most eventful days in London, and +I shall long remember it.</p> + +<p>But now I must tell you of that evening—shall I confess +it? the happiest evening of my life—when Drinkwater and I +went to Lady Chaffinch's ball. My Aunt was too indisposed +to accompany us; she therefore called her son, and told him +to take great care of me, as much as if I were his own sister. +I have an idea that if my dear Aunt knew all, she would have +said that he rather exceeded his instructions; but never mind, +he took great care of me.</p> + +<p>The carriage came for us at ten o'clock, when, had I +been at Gorse Bush, I should have been fast asleep on my +perch,—as Drinkwater says, for he loves to plague me about +being a Linnet. My Cousin was beautifully attired; he wore +a most superb cravat, of a deep ruby colour, and an under-waistcoat +of the brightest amber; but, in fact, he always +attracts admiration; and I think, without vanity, that I looked +extremely well in the new brown dress I took with me from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> +home. At a quarter past ten we entered Lady Chaffinch's +ball-room, and, for a moment, I was perfectly bewildered; +indeed, Drinkwater had to apologise to our hostess for my +strange behaviour by saying I was not quite well. However, +her ladyship, whom I had often seen in the country, was very +kind to me, led me to a seat, and began asking after her old +friends. This soon brought me to my senses; and after a +little while I could bear to look at the dazzling chandeliers, +the magnificent pier-glasses, and the splendidly-dressed +people, without being giddy at the sight. Soon after our +arrival, the band commenced playing, and some of the company +arranged themselves for a dance. Old Sir Cayman +Alligator, an East-Indian Director, led out the graceful Lady +Caroline Giraffe, who, I must say, deserved the praise young +Nightingale bestowed upon her, when he said, she was one of +"Nature's nobility." I could not but admire her large, full +eyes, which looked at you so tenderly, and the gentle bending +of her beautiful neck; and then, what a contrast she was to +her horrid-looking partner! I suppose he must be very rich, +or I cannot think why Lady Chaffinch should have invited +him. Opposite to them stood young Lord Crowe, a younger +brother of the noble Earl of Ravenskind, and with him was +the Honourable Miss Pigeon. Lord Crowe is a good-looking +fellow, rather dark, it must be confessed; but as he wears +glasses, he looks very interesting. They say that his brother,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> +the Earl, has picked up his great wealth in a most unaccountable +manner, and that the whole family have a singular want +of discrimination in the meaning of the words <i>meum</i> and <i>tuum</i>. +His partner, who had a nice, dove-coloured dress on, appeared +very desirous of pleasing the young Lord, and I thought they +seemed very happy together. The other couples were Sir +Hector Downcharge, of Kennelhouse, a great sportsman, +who came in his militia uniform, and Miss Pie, the daughter +of the celebrated Mrs. Margaret, or Mag Pie, as her neighbours +call her. And opposite to them were a Mr. Puddock, +a person connected with the City, who, through the death +of a relative, has just come into possession of a fine marshy +estate among the Lincolnshire Fens; and Miss Lavinia +Greyhound, who, as all the world knows, was a long time +engaged to young Hare, who ran away from her in a very +shameful way, and hurt her feelings so much that she did +not appear again in public for several months.</p> + +<p>Drinkwater and I stood aside, and entertained ourselves +with quiet remarks to each other, not always complimentary +to the company. He thought Miss Pie the prettiest of the +dancers, and certainly she was sweetly dressed, and looked +very well. Her partner, Sir Hector, was, without doubt, the +handsomest of the gentlemen, though he appeared to me to +give himself airs, like an overfed spaniel that has been too +much petted, and to lounge about in a way not at all becoming<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> +a lady's ball-room. The little fellow from the City, his +<i>vis-à-vis</i>, was a very different person—he seemed determined +to let us all know that he had lately been taking twelve +dancing-lessons of Madame Hopper, for he turned his toes +out in the most <i>elegant</i> way, and was evidently quite impressed +with a belief that he was astonishing the spectators with his +surprising agility. The very tie of his cravat made Drinkwater +nearly die with suppressed laughter; and when the +youth began dancing, we were obliged to take a walk into +the adjoining Conservatory, lest our merriment should be +discovered. I never knew a more delightful place than this +Conservatory; the flowers in it are brighter than I have seen +elsewhere; and some that Drinkwater gathered for me were +far sweeter than any I had ever known before. We staid +sometime in this Conservatory looking at the beautiful exotics, +and talking of <i>nothing</i> else but of them and the weather; +and it was not till we had been there more than half-an-hour +that I discovered that we were quite alone. We immediately +returned to the ball-room, where, luckily, our absence had not +been discovered, and in a few minutes were whirling round +in a most delightful waltz.</p> + +<p>But I have forgotten the rest of the company. Foremost +in dignity was the Countess Auk, of Stornaway Rock, in +the Hebrides; and with her were her two nieces, Lady Isabella +Snipe and the Honourable Miss Woodcock. I saw Mr.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span> +Reynard, the celebrated member for Hollowoak, having a long +gossip with the Countess and her young charges, for both of +whom he seemed to profess great admiration. Mr. Jay, the +member for Chatterfield, was likewise there, and paid a good +deal of attention, I thought, to the Honourable Miss Dove, a +cousin of Miss Pigeon's. Miss Dove plays very nicely, and +sometimes, when the band required rest, she rattled off a +waltz in fine style, Mr. Jay most attentively turning the +music-leaves.</p> + +<p>Drinkwater also pointed out to me Miss Stork, the +daughter of the Attorney-General, so famous for the length of +his bill; Miss Blaccap, who, they say, sings as sweetly as a +Robin-Redbreast; Lord Bruin, who has just come from a +tour in Russia; the Right Honourable Mr. Ramshead; and +a crowd of folks, more or less known, most of whom <i>would</i> +stand by the doorway and prevent the servants and the fresh +air from entering the room.</p> + +<p>About three o'clock the Countess of Auk's carriage was +summoned, and the company began to retire. Drinkwater +and I stood shivering on the stairs full half-an-hour before +Lady Goldfinch's brougham was announced; and when we +reached home, I found I had been fast asleep with my head +on Drinkwater's shoulder.</p> + +<p>Ten days after Lady Chaffinch's ball, I was obliged to +tear myself away from my kind aunt and my dear cousin,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> +and with only Tom-tit for my companion, to return to this +dismal Gorse Bush, which I used to think the sweetest of +homes. Now I do nothing but wonder how long it will be +before my aunt invites me to London again. Tom-tit brings +me letters from the post-boy much oftener than before, and +were it not for them, I do not think I could bear my +existence.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>This is the substance of some letters I have lately received +from my dear friend, Julia Linnet. She is a warm-hearted +little thing, easily led away by her enthusiasm. At first, I +was afraid she would pine away with melancholy; but all +my uneasiness was dispelled a few mornings since, when a +lace-bordered envelope reached me, enclosing two cards tied +together with silver-cord, on one of which was written,—</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/card.jpg" width="300" height="188" alt="Mr. Drinkwater Goldfinch Furze Park" title="Mr. Drinkwater Goldfinch Furze Park" /> +</div> + + + + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span></p> + +<h2>THE LORD OF THE MANOR.</h2> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 333px;"> +<img src="images/i003.jpg" width="333" height="400" alt="THE POACHER." title="THE POACHER." /> +<span class="caption">THE POACHER.</span> +</div> +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Sir Vane Peacock</span> was the owner of large estates in +Cumberland, and a great game preserver. His tenantry were +bound to protect all the hares, partridges, and pheasants that +fed on their young corn; and, in return, Sir Vane entertained +them once a-year with a dinner of roast mutton and potatoes, +when good luck enabled them to bring their rents on Old +Michaelmas-day. A great personage was Sir Vane Peacock. +He was the possessor of two thousand acres of the richest +arable land in the county, besides his own park and grounds, +of a hundred and twenty acres, well covered with fine trees. +Sir Vane would have been happy but for one circumstance: +he could not prevent the village poachers from destroying his +game. It was in vain that he employed keepers and offered +rewards for every depredator they apprehended or <i>killed;</i> +year after year rolled by, and still Sir Vane's great struggle +in life was to preserve his partridges. Sir Vane was a county +magistrate, and it may be imagined how summarily he dealt +with all offenders brought before him. In one year, two<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span> +young fellows, named Martin and Weesel, both belonging to +the village, were shot by his keepers, Martin in the leg and +Weesel in the back, because they were found near a rabbit-warren +at a suspicious hour in the evening; and an old fellow, +whom they called Horny Owl, was so severely beaten on +the head by one of the Baronet's men, that he only lived +two days afterwards. Old Horny was concealed in the trunk +of a hollow oak, and was found there with no less than three +young partridges in his possession, which he pleaded he was +about to take home for his little ones' supper. But Sir Vane +could never catch the rascals who did the most mischief: one +was a notorious character, known as Bill Kite; the others a +family of brothers, whose name was Lurcher. These were too +old at the sport, and too cunning, to let the keepers get near +them, and it is believed they made a very excellent living out +of Sir Vane's game-preserves.</div> + +<p>Among the Baronet's tenantry was a Mr. Pointer, a +thoroughly well-bred individual, who lived at a farm close +by the park, and who generally accompanied Sir Vane on his +shooting-excursions. Mr. Pointer had but one son, named +Carlo, with whose training he had taken much pains, and +at an early age Carlo promised soon to know as much about +field matters as his worthy father. But Carlo had one failing +which his parent little dreamed of. On one occasion, when +on a visit to a neighbouring farm, the youth had tasted a hare,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> +and ever afterwards he longed to regale himself again on +such delightful food. One unlucky morning Carlo was +rambling about his father's farm with a gun on his arm, +merely to shoot the rooks and frighten away the sparrows, +when a hare jumped out of her form and ran away straight +before him. The opportunity was too tempting. Bang! went +Carlo's gun, and poor pussy tumbled head over heels. Carlo +looked round him with anxious glances, and fancying the coast +was clear, took up his prize and put it in his pocket; but just +as he was vaulting over a gate, Towser, the head-keeper at the +park, emerged from behind the hedge, and, without a word, +took Carlo's gun from his arm and the hare from his pocket. +Carlo was no match for Towser, so he allowed himself to be +led before the great Sir Vane without opposition. Towser +related the whole of Carlo's terrible offence, which he had witnessed +from behind the fence, and the indignant Sir Vane +demanded the criminal's reply. Carlo assumed a bold and +careless air; told the Baronet that he wished to have the hare +for his dinner, and that he could see no harm in killing animals +that were feeding on his father's corn. This enraged Sir Vane +to such an extent that he started from his chair, seized the gun +from Towser, and would certainly have shot Carlo on the spot, +had not the youth sprung upon the Baronet, wrenched the gun +out of his hands, and laid him sprawling on the floor. Towser +ran to his master's assistance, and Carlo, without waiting for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> +his sentence, jumped through the open window into the garden, +flew across the lawn with the speed of a greyhound, and quickly +put forty long miles between himself and Peacock Hall.</p> + +<p>Ten days afterwards Carlo read in "The Sportsman's +Chronicle" that, much to the regret of his family and a numerous +circle of admiring friends, Sir Vane Peacock had died +suddenly of apoplexy, brought on by a fall. Not a word was +said about the cause of the accident; indeed the Baronet, on +his deathbed, remembering that he himself had commenced the +outrage, had expressly forbidden Towser to mention it, and +Carlo thought that he might as well return home at once.</p> + +<p>Sir Vane Peacock left no children, and the estates descended +to his cousin, Sir Java Peacock, who, fortunately for Carlo, had +been too long a witness of the evils arising from game-preserving +to wish to continue them. Immediately after taking +possession, the new landlord sent a note round, informing +every tenant on his estate that he was at perfect liberty to +shoot or course all the game he found on his own farm.</p> + +<p>It is said that from that time Carlo dined off roast hare and +currant-jelly at least once in every week for the remainder of +his life.</p> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p> + +<h2>MY NEIGHBOURS.</h2> + +<h3>A COUNTRY STORY. BY WARREN RABBITT.</h3> +<div class="figright" style="width: 331px;"> +<img src="images/i004.jpg" width="331" height="400" alt="THE DUEL." title="THE DUEL." /> +<span class="caption">THE DUEL.</span> +</div> +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">In</span> a charming retreat, upon the borders of a wood in +Gloucestershire, I once enjoyed the society of some friends, +named Leverett, with whom I was very intimate. They seemed +to be the happiest little family in the world, subsisted mostly +on the produce of their farm, and always welcomed a neighbour +like myself with great hospitality. I resided at that time at a +pleasant place called the Sandpits, not far from their abode, +and I often looked in as I passed by, for half an hour's chat +with the old lady, or to ask Jack or his brother Bob to take a +stroll with me in the woods. The father was remarkable for +his extreme caution, seldom went far from home, and never +meddled with other people's affairs. It would have been well +had his sons followed his example; but then I should not have +had this tale to tell.</div> + +<p>Close by us, at the largest farm-house in the county, there +lived a Mr. Chanticleer, one of the proudest and most irritable +fellows I ever had the misfortune to meet with. To see the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> +airs with which he strutted about his farm-yard, and drove +all the ducks and geese flying to make way for him, often made +Jack Leverett and myself laugh: but when he went out for a +walk with his wife and daughters, his consequence appeared to +be increased tenfold, and one wondered where the path was +broad enough for him to walk upon.</p> + +<p>Mr. Chanticleer was extremely jealous of any intrusion +upon his property, and warned off every one who did but set +foot on his land. Tom Leverett knew this well enough, and +knew what a pugnacious and litigious fellow his neighbour was, +so he ought to have been more careful than to give Chanticleer +any ground of complaint. Tom, it appears, had a great taste +for botany, and often rose early to indulge in his favourite +pursuit. One morning, in the ardour of his search for some +particular plant, Tom crept through the hedge into one of +his neighbour's fields; and so much absorbed was he in the +discovery of some sweet-tasting grass which he had never +before met with, that he did not notice the approach of Mr. +Chanticleer, until that worthy was close upon him.</p> + +<p>Chanticleer, it appears, always made a practice of rising +early; but though Tom had distinguished his voice—so loud +you might have heard it half a mile off—calling to the people +in the farm-yard, he did not at all expect a visit from him in +the particular field that he was examining.</p> + +<p>"Well, sir," said Mr. Chanticleer to Tom, in an authoritative<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> +tone as he came close up to him, "may I ask what +brings you here?"</p> + +<p>"I am studying botany," replied Tom.</p> + +<p>"Studying fiddlesticks!" cried his neighbour; "what business +have you in my fields?"</p> + +<p>"I have examined all the plants on our side," answered +Tom, meekly.</p> + +<p>"Then go back and examine them again," cried Mr. Chanticleer, +putting himself in a great passion, "and don't let me +see you here any more!"</p> + +<p>"You need not be angry, sir," said Tom, "I have done no +mischief."</p> + +<p>"Angry, sir! what do you mean by angry?" spluttered +out the other. "I'll teach you to tell me I'm angry!" and so +saying, he thrust Tom with all his force into the hedge.</p> + +<p>Luckily there was a gap there, and Tom was able to get +through, and thus escape from any further insult. He heard +Chanticleer's voice shouting after him; Tom did not stay +to listen, but ran towards the wood as fast as his legs would +carry him.</p> + +<p>It so happened, that just before Tom reached home he met +Captain Bulldog, an old officer of the Guards, who had retired +on half-pay, with an extra pension for the loss of one of his +legs, which he had left on the field, and to him Tom recounted +all the circumstances of the assault. The Captain immediately<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span> +told Tom that he had but one course to pursue, which was, to +call Chanticleer out. Tom did not at first understand this +phrase; but, on its being explained to him, his knees knocked +together, and he begged the Captain to say nothing more of +the matter. But the Captain, who owed Chanticleer a grudge, +insisted that Tom should place himself entirely in his hands, +took the poor youth to his own house, and did not let him rest +till Tom had fairly indited a challenge. This the Captain had +the great satisfaction of delivering personally to Mr. Chanticleer, +who turned very red in the face on reading it, and made +some little attempts at an apology. These the Captain would +not listen to, saying, the insult was too great for apologies; +and Chanticleer was at last obliged to refer him to his friend, +Sir Wiley Reynard, of Underwood, to arrange a meeting.</p> + +<p>Poor Tom! I think I see him now, as he came with his +long face to tell me of the scrape he had got into.</p> + +<p>"I would stay at home," said the unfortunate youth, with +tears in his eyes, "but that I am afraid of offending Captain +Bulldog, who will, perhaps, challenge me himself, if I don't +fight Chanticleer; and of the two enemies," added Tom, forcing +a faint smile, "you know which I should prefer."</p> + +<p>Afterwards, Tom told me where the meeting was to be; +and as I thought my young neighbour might want a friend, I +determined to be near at hand.</p> + +<p>It was about six o'clock on a cold, grey, autumn morning,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> +that I concealed myself in a thicket by the side of Goose Common, +and waited the arrival of the combatants. Captain Bulldog, +with young Leverett by his side, were first on the field, +and I could see that poor Tom shook in every limb. They +did not wait long. A post-chaise soon came clattering +along the road, and out of it jumped Sir Wiley Reynard, Doctor +Crane, and Mr. Chanticleer. Sir Wiley and the Captain +soon arranged the preliminaries, and Chanticleer walked boldly +and jauntily to his post. Not so my friend. Poor Tom, fainthearted +at all times, was now terrified to such a degree, that +the Captain had absolutely to support him, or he would certainly +have dropped. Presently, Sir Wiley gave the signal to +fire; Tom complied at once, and sent his bullet flying somewhere +above my head, about as wide of the mark as it well +could be; and then, without waiting for the compliment of a +return, off he started as fast as ever his legs carried him in his +life, cleared the hedge at a bound, and ran straight into a thick +wood. I nearly died with laughter, not only to see Tom run, +but to behold the terrible look of the Captain, as he gazed +after his flying friend; to watch the surprised and somewhat +pleased look of Chanticleer, who seemed half inclined to fire +after the fugitive; and to see the puzzled expression of Sir +Wiley's face, and the comical grin on Dr. Crane's, as he tapped +his box and offered the Baronet a pinch. After a few moments +of silence, no one knowing what to do in such an unusual<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span> +dilemma, the Captain walked up to Sir Wiley, and offered, if +the Baronet were not satisfied, to fight either Mr. Chanticleer or +the Baronet himself, whichever was preferred. But Sir Wiley +replied very politely that he was perfectly satisfied with Captain +Bulldog, and that he only regretted that the Captain should +act for such a coward as Mr. Thomas Leverett. On this +the Captain began abusing poor Tom so terribly, that I thought +it best to beat a retreat and see after my runaway friend. +When I arrived home I found him sitting in my little back-parlour, +just as I expected. He had covered his face with his +hands, and was crying bitterly. I comforted the poor fellow +as well as I could, and did not give him the least grounds for +suspecting that I had been a witness of his behaviour. In a +little time he became calmer, and then he told me that the +report of his own pistol had frightened him so much, that, +for his life, he could not help running away.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 331px;"> +<img src="images/i005.jpg" width="331" height="400" alt="MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ." title="MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ." /> +<span class="caption">MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ.</span> +</div><p>It was not many days after this that Tom came to me again, +evidently in great pain; and, from the broken sentences that +escaped him, I learned that as he and his brother Bob were +walking in the public road, Chanticleer had met them; and +after calling Tom by every abusive name he could think of, had +ended by thrashing him with a riding-whip, till the unfortunate +youth could scarcely stand. I thought this was carrying the +matter too far, so I walked home with him to speak to his +father about it. The old gentleman was very much excited<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> +at Tom's account of the quarrel; he had not heard a word +about it till that day, and said that Chanticleer should pay +dearly for what he had done; and as for Tom's mother, she +fainted away at first, and ended by urging her husband to +prosecute that rascal Chanticleer, even if it cost them their last +grain of food. She thought but little of what she was saying +then, but she remembered it afterwards.</p> + +<p>On that very afternoon old Mr. Leverett and Bob took the +railway to Gloucester, and went at once to the celebrated +lawyer, Mr. Sharpe Vulture, of Billocost Row. Mr. Vulture, +who was just going home to dinner, and was both hungry and +savage, heard their story with great impatience, told them to +come again the next morning, and bade them good day. He +thus saved his dinner hot, and pocketed an extra fee for an +additional consultation. His client, little used to lawyers' pleasantries, +thought this behaviour very strange; but as he had +some relations close by the town, he resolved that he and Bob +would spend the night with them, and they told me they were +most hospitably entertained.</p> + +<p>On the next morning the father and son again called on +the celebrated Mr. Sharpe Vulture, and this time with better +success, for that worthy recommended that Mr. Leverett should +first apply to a magistrate for a warrant against Mr. Chanticleer; +and, secondly, that Tom should commence an action +against him for the assault.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span></p> + +<p>To both these courses old Leverett offered no opposition; +and on Bob's evidence Sir Simon Graveowl, a magistrate of +noted wisdom, granted a warrant against Chanticleer, which +Mr. Sharpe Vulture immediately gave to an active young policeman +to execute. Now, it happened to be market-day at +Gloucester, and as Mr. Chanticleer was a large consumer of +barley, he usually attended the Corn Exchange during certain +hours. This the policeman knew; so no sooner had he received +the warrant than he walked straight to Mr. Chanticleer as he +stood talking loudly to a large circle of friends and neighbours,—old +Mr. Drake, young Mr. Gosling, Mr. Peacock, Mr. Pidgeon, +Mr. Swann, and several others,—and forthwith arrested +him. Poor Mr. Chanticleer! how crest-fallen he looked! All +his crowing was stopped in a moment. He walked by the +policeman's side in silence, and looked as much like a culprit +as any thief that was ever found with the stolen goods in his +possession.</p> + +<p>The policeman, thrown off his guard by Chanticleer's quietness, +walked by his side without holding him, and of this my +neighbour was not slow to avail himself; for just as they had +passed a narrow street, he suddenly ran back, and, with a loud +noise, flew along the pavement as if twenty Sharpe Vultures +were pursuing him. The policeman was not slow to +follow; and when the unfortunate Chanticleer was stopped +by a sentinel at the gate of the barracks, he seized his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span> +prisoner with such violence by his red neck-tie, that he +almost strangled him there and then.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 339px;"> +<img src="images/chanticleer.jpg" width="339" height="400" alt="THE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEER" title="THE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEER" /> +<span class="caption">THE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEER</span> +</div> + +<p>Old Leverett chuckled to himself, and was greatly delighted +to see Chanticleer brought into the magistrate's room by two +policemen, one holding him tightly by each arm. Mr. Sharpe +Vulture immediately brought forward the accusation against +the prisoner. Bob's evidence was taken: it was declared that +Tom was too unwell from the effects of the assault to attend +in person, and Mr. Chanticleer was fined five pounds. For +this amount he immediately wrote an order on his bankers,—Brier, +Primrose, and Whitethorn; and then, greatly to old +Leverett's chagrin, the prisoner was discharged, and all parties +left the court.</p> + +<p>Mr. Sharpe Vulture advised instant proceedings at law. +Accordingly, an action was brought for damages; but through +some <i>little</i> informality, the plaintiff was defeated, and had to +pay his own and Mr. Chanticleer's lawyers' costs. Mr. Sharpe +Vulture advised a second action, which was tried, I remember, +at the Assizes just twelve months after the assault complained +of. Counsel were engaged on each side. Mr. Badger was for +Chanticleer, and the Hon. Mr. Muff for the Leveretts. Badger +had Captain Bulldog put into the witness-box, and the whole +story of the duel was told in court, making even the learned +judge roar with laughter. Badger proved, beyond a doubt, +that Tom had well deserved castigation for his cowardice, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span> +that Mr. Chanticleer had only laid his whip lightly across his +shoulders; that Bob, as one of the family, was not to be +believed; and that the defendant bore the highest character for +gentleness of disposition. The Hon. Mr. Muff proved nothing, +but that he richly deserved his name, and the jury returned a +verdict for the plaintiff, damages one farthing.</p> + +<p>Poor old Leverett! this trial completely ruined him. Sharpe +Vulture seized all his property, and the once happy little family +were sent adrift on the wide world without a home.</p> + +<p>The last time I heard of them, the mother and the two sons +were living in an humble way not far from the sea-side; the +father was dead; Tom still continued his favourite study, but +he always took great care not to trespass in other people's +fields.</p> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span></p> + +<h2>THE DE MOUSAS.</h2> + +<h3>A TALE.</h3> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 335px;"> +<img src="images/i006.jpg" width="335" height="400" alt="THE DE MOUSAS." title="THE DE MOUSAS." /> +<span class="caption">THE DE MOUSAS.</span> +</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">In</span> one of those charming Italian villas lately built at +Bayswater, live Mr. Persian and Lady Angora De Mousa, +personages of much consequence in the society to which they +belong. Late hours, and a somewhat gay life, have a little +impaired Lady Angora's beauty; but she still attracts great +admiration, and her husband is as proud of her as ever.</div> + +<p>A highly respectable couple, but of plainer pretensions +than the De Mousas, reside in Cypress Cottage, a small house +in the adjacent Gravel-pits,—Mr. Thomas and Mrs. Tabitha +Tortoshell, with a family of one son and two daughters. Mr. +De Mousa is of foreign extraction, but Mr. Tortoshell claims +him as a cousin by his mother's side, and is not a little proud +of the relationship.</p> + +<p>The De Mousas are in very easy circumstances, and indulge +in many expensive luxuries, having Devonshire clotted cream +every morning at breakfast, and a fricassee of some small +deer, that they appear to be very fond of, for their supper.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> +Their carriage is the handsomest in the villas; and <i>when</i> they +go to church, two pages always attend them.</p> + +<p>Before the arrival of the De Mousas—for they have but +lately come from abroad—the Tortoshells lived in the most +unpretending way; but within the last twelve months they +have started a brougham, and a livery-servant with a gold-laced +collar, much to the surprise of their neighbours, who +wondered what sudden good fortune had befallen them. But +I am sorry to say this extravagance was all owing to the +vanity of Mrs. Tortoshell, who is most anxious to be introduced +into society by Lady Angora De Mousa, as you shall +hear.</p> + +<p>Mr. Tortoshell called on his cousin soon after his arrival +in the neighbourhood of the Gravel-pits, and explained to +him their relationship, which Mr. De Mousa, who is extremely +well bred, professed great delight in hearing of, at the same +time he invited the whole family of the Tortoshells to dinner +on the next day. Lady Angora was not over-pleased at this +arrangement, and assumed a haughty air when the Tortoshells +came; but being naturally of a warm-hearted disposition, she +quickly became attached to the elder daughter Minnie, though +it must be confessed she showed no great partiality for the +mamma. The son also, Young Tom as he was called, to +distinguish him from his father, won the good opinion of +Mr. De Mousa, by his shrewdness and his intimate knowledge<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> +of London life among certain classes. So the day passed +pleasantly enough, and Mr. and Mrs. Tortoshell and their +family all walked home with greater consequence than they +had before assumed. But it happened to be a rainy evening, +Mrs. Tortoshell spoiled her best velvet dress, and easily persuaded +her husband that it would be more economical for +them to keep a brougham. Mr. Tortoshell pretended to +believe her, and bought one.</p> + +<p>One day, about a month after, as Lady Angora and her +husband were about taking their usual promenade in Kensington +Gardens, they were astonished at the appearance of +a footman in the smartest of liveries, who, instead of going as +usual to the servants' gate, came straight up to them, and +delivered a letter to Mr. De Mousa, who abruptly tore open +the envelope, read the contents of the note, and handed it to +his wife. Lady Angora, seeing it was an invitation from the +Tortoshells to dinner on that day week, tossed her head as +she gave it back, and Mr. De Mousa blandly informed the +servant—a stupid lout, who had been bred in a farm-yard—that +he would communicate with Mr. Tortoshell.</p> + +<p>All down the broad walk in Kensington Gardens, all across +by the flower-gardens, and all up the path by the ha-ha, +Lady Angora talked of nothing but the impudence of the +Tortoshells, vowing and protesting that nothing on earth +should induce her to visit them. But her good-natured<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span> +husband was more inclined to treat the matter as a +joke, and, by dint of persuasion and raillery, before they +reached home he had induced Lady Angora to accept the +invitation "for this once." A polite answer was, therefore, +immediately despatched.</p> + +<p>The week elapsed. Mrs. Tabitha had worked herself into +a perfect fever of anxiety; and her poor daughters, Minnie +and Katty, were tired to death with their labour in carrying +out their mother's injunctions. The dinner-hour was fixed +for six o'clock. At half-past five Mrs. Tabitha was still +adding vermicelli to the soup, Minnie and Katty were still +turning out jellies and blanc-manges, and Sappy the footman +was still cleaning the plate. Mr. Tortoshell was sitting uneasily +by the window endeavouring to read "The Times," and young +Tom was flying home from the City in a Hansom's cab at +the rate of twelve miles an hour.</p> + +<p>At a quarter past six, Mr. De Mousa and Lady Angora +arrived. Neither Mrs. Tortoshell nor her daughters were +ready to receive them. Sappy was in his shirt-sleeves, and +the maids were not fit to be seen; so Mr. Tortoshell had to +open the door, receive his company, and usher them into his +drawing-room himself. Mr. De Mousa looked at his watch +and said he was afraid they were early, which rather confused +Mr. Tortoshell; but the cousins soon got to talking of the +beautiful weather, and the beautiful moonlight nights, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span> +Lady Angora amused herself by playing with a young kitten +on the hearth-rug.</p> + +<p>At half-past six Mr. Tortoshell said he really must see why +his wife and daughter did not come, and for that purpose left +the room. Lady Angora looked at her husband, who, well-bred +as he was, could not help observing, with a broad +smile, that "such manners were enough to make a cat laugh."</p> + +<p>At length Mrs. Tabitha and her two daughters appeared, +very smartly dressed, but not very much at their ease, and a +moment afterwards Sappy announced dinner. Mr. De Mousa +escorted Mrs. Tabitha with much graceful dignity, and Mr. +Tortoshell followed with Lady Angora; Young Tom just +rushing into the room in time to offer his attendance to his +sisters, who could not but wonder what extraordinary business +could have kept him so late in the City. Dinner was served. +The rats'-tail soup was burnt; Lady Angora could not touch +it: but Sappy, in removing the plate, managed to spill a +considerable quantity over her ladyship's dress. The fish was +overdone on one side, and nearly raw on the other; so her +ladyship could not eat that. The fowls were old and tough; +the venison had not been hung long enough, and Minnie had +forgotten the currant-jelly. The blanc-mange and the ices had +somehow been placed near the kitchen fire; and, to crown all, +Lady Angora declared that the only dish she cared for was +fricasseed mice. Mrs. Tabitha, excited to desperation, jumped<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span> +up from her seat with an expression of horror, as though she +had been dining with a cannibal; but the effort was too much +for her, for she immediately fell back in a swoon. Minnie +flew to her mamma's assistance, Katty rushed for the eau de +Cologne, old Tom and young Tom both rang the bells, and +did nothing but create confusion; and Mr. De Mousa and +Lady Angora, without staying for a formal leave-taking, +quitted the room and the house with evident precipitation.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Since that day the cousins have not visited. Mr. Tortoshell +has discovered that a carriage is not so <i>very</i> economical; +and when by chance he meets Mr. De Mousa, his attention +is sure to be attracted by something on the top of a neighbouring +house. Mrs. Tabitha often reads of Lady Angora +in the "Morning Post," but she has never been heard to +mention that her ladyship has dined at Cypress Cottage.</p> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span></p> + +<h2>ROOKWOOD HALL.</h2> + + +<div class="figright" style="width: 337px;"> +<img src="images/i007.jpg" width="337" height="400" alt="THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT." title="THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT." /> +<span class="caption">THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT.</span> +</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">In</span> a quiet village in Cumberland, far retired from the +great world, there stands a noble old red-brick mansion, partly +in ruins, and mostly covered with ivy, which ever attracts the +attention of the wayfarer who passes through that remote +district. For many years Rookwood Hall—so is it called—has +been in the possession of the ancient family of the Rookes; +father and son have grown up beneath the shade of the grand +old elms that line the majestic avenue and all but surround +the mansion, and the bones of twenty generations of Rookes +now lie together beneath the adjacent sod. Five years since +the last of the family, Sir Whitewing Rooke, was killed as he +was returning towards home on a quiet autumn evening. He +was found lying under one of the tall elm-trees in the avenue, +pierced with a bullet that had passed through his heart. +Whether this occurred by accident or design, no one could +ever tell; but there were dark suspicions afloat, and rumour +said that the Rookes were not without their enemies.</div> + +<p>Lady Rooke, the childless widow, mourned long for her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> +husband, rarely ventured beyond the boundary of the park, +but spent most of her time in endeavouring to benefit the +neighbouring farmers, who had not gratitude enough even to +thank her for her services.</p> + +<p>There was one exception. Young Gamecock, the owner of +a small estate adjoining Rookwood Park, was full of gratitude, +and often called upon Lady Rooke to thank her for her kindness. +Mr. Gamecock was an exceedingly good-looking +fellow, dressed handsomely, always wore spurs, and had more +manners than any other farmer within twenty miles; and, +therefore, it is not to be wondered at that Lady Rooke somewhat +encouraged these gratitude-visits. Her Ladyship often +complained how dull and lonely she was, living without a +protector in that old mansion, whose walls were covered with +ghastly portraits of departed Rookes; and whose ancient casements +rattled at night when the wind blew in its fitful fancies, +and made the very stairs groan as it rushed up and down in +its capricious impetuosity.</p> + +<p>Young Gamecock listened to the good dame's stories, told +her <i>he</i> knew no fear, that the wind might whistle as it willed +for him; and that if he owned such a mansion, that the old +pictures should decorate the garrets, where the bats and +sparrows held undisputed possession.</p> + +<p>At last people began to notice that young Gamecock went +very often to Rookwood Hall, and many surmises were soon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span> +afloat. Mr. Crow, a cousin of the deceased Baronet's, laughed +at the silly talk, as he called it, and said that her Ladyship +was about to make Mr. Gamecock her bailiff. Mr. Howlet, +the solicitor from the neighbouring village, shook his head, +looked "wondrous wise," but said nothing; and that pert +gentleman, Mr. Sparrow, reported that he had peeped in at the +window one day, and knew more than he chose to tell. So +matters went on for a time. At last, one fine day Mr. Howlet +was seen to drive up to the Hall, and take in with him a large +document. The whole village was astir: something must be +going on, every one said; and within two days it was known +that the document in question was a marriage-settlement, and +that the wedding of Lady Rooke and young Mr. Gamecock +was to take place in the following week.</p> + +<p>Alas, for the uncertainty of this world! No sooner did +the news of the approaching marriage reach the ears of Mrs. +Partlett and her daughters—the aunt and cousins of Mr. Gamecock—than +they vowed it should never be. It appears that +Mr. Gamecock had long been affianced to Miss Hennie Partlett, +and the news of his desertion so preyed on her delicate +constitution, that she pined away and lost all her good looks. +Fired at the indignity offered to his family, her brother Redcomb +sought his opportunity, met Mr. Gamecock as he was +crossing the lawn in front of Rookwood Hall, and challenged +him to mortal combat. Gamecock, in haste to visit his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span> +betrothed, passed on without heeding his adversary; but the +valiant Redcomb flew at him, and with one stroke beat him to +the earth. Gamecock rose, shook himself, and attacked Redcomb +with such impetuosity, that at first he retreated; but, +collecting his strength, he returned to the attack, and Gamecock +again bit the dust. Lady Rooke was sitting by a window, +watching for the arrival of her lover, whence she saw the +whole of this deadly contest. At Gamecock's second fall she +flew to his rescue, and arrived just as a fresh battle was begun. +Urged by her fears for her beloved, her Ladyship threw herself +between the combatants; but it was at a most unlucky +moment, for a blow from Redcomb struck her on the temples, +and she fell senseless between them. The combatants forgot +their quarrel, and carried the poor lady into the room; a +messenger was despatched for Dr. Stork, but before he could +arrive, her Ladyship had breathed her last.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Rookwood Hall passed into another family of the Rookes, +distantly related; and after two years dallying, Miss Hennie +Partlett, forgetting former grievances, became Mrs. Gamecock, +and Redcomb gave her away.</p> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span></p> + +<h2>CITY PEOPLE.</h2> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 335px;"> +<img src="images/i008.jpg" width="335" height="400" alt="MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS." title="MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS." /> +<span class="caption">MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS.</span> +</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Mr. Trunk</span>, the great East India merchant, is an individual +of immense weight in the City. Wherever he appears the +crowd make way for him, and bestow upon him marked +attention. His particular friend is old Mr. Parrot, whose +connexions lie with the West Indies and South America, +and who boasts of his relationship with the celebrated Macaw +family. Whenever there is a sudden rise in sugar or tobacco, +Mr. Parrot immediately goes on 'Change to consult his great +friend, Mr. Trunk, as to the course he should pursue; and +the united wisdom of the two merchants generally produces +a result favourable to Mr. Parrot's interests.</div> + +<p>Mr. Trunk lives in a large house in the Regent's Park, +where he entertains very many visitors, in a way peculiar +to himself, his chief pleasure consisting in the offer of his +carriage for a ride round his beautiful gardens; for which, +by way of joke, he always demands a cake or a bun from +each visitor. His son, too, Master Suckling Trunk, contributes<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span> +much to the gratification of the guests; and certainly +he is a very amusing youth, such as one does not +often meet with.</p> + +<p>Two years ago Mr. Trunk was greatly annoyed by the +arrival of a young black prince from the banks of the Nile, +who took a house close by him in the Park, and, much to +Mr. Trunk's mortification, completely outshone him in the +grandeur of his entertainments. All the fashionable and mercantile +world flocked to the mansion of Prince Ippo, and considered +it a great condescension if His Highness would but +favour them with a sight of his eyes and ears.</p> + +<p>The great Mr. Trunk, he who had never known a rival +near his throne, felt deeply the slight cast upon him, and +vowed to be revenged on his sable adversary. He talked of +his grievance to old Mr. Parrot, till that worthy felt as +indignant as his friend; but, as he could suggest no method +of vengeance, Mr. Trunk called to his counsel, the celebrated +City conveyancer, Mr. Starling.</p> + +<p>"You see, sir," said old Mr. Parrot, when the three had +met in consultation, "this black young fellow is an upstart; +he has nothing to recommend him but his exceeding ugliness +and his extreme inhospitality. Do you know, sir," he continued, +addressing the conveyancer, "some ladies of my +family paid him a visit the other day, and the brute—yes, +sir, I say the brute—had the ill manners to send word by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span> +his attendant that His Highness was in the bath and would +not be disturbed?"</p> + +<p>"I wonder," growled Mr. Trunk, "that, as the ladies +had so much curiosity, they did not go and see him in his +bath."</p> + +<p>"Well, the fact is," replied Mr. Parrot, "that they did +try, but the monster would only just show them the tip of +his nose."</p> + +<p>"He has become quite a nuisance to the neighbourhood," +said Mr. Trunk.</p> + +<p>"I wonder," observed the conveyancer, "if the Alderman +could put him down?"</p> + +<p>"Put <i>him</i> down!" growled Trunk again; "the fellow's +too fat. You might as well try to put down a whale!"</p> + +<p>"Then what can <i>we</i> do?" said the conveyancer. "Could +we manage to drown him in his bath?"</p> + +<p>"A likely idea!" returned the great merchant. "Do you +not know that the fellow lives half his life in the water, and +can swim as well as a fish?"</p> + +<p>"Can we bring an action for ejectment?" suggested Mr. +Starling. "Can we not discover some flaw in his title-deeds?"</p> + +<p>"I wish you'd try," answered the merchant. And the +result of this conspiracy against the offending Prince was, that +Mr. Starling, by some means best known to himself, obtained<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> +a copy of the title-deeds he wanted, and soon picked two +or three holes in them.</p> + +<p>This good news he quickly communicated to the City merchants, +who were delighted beyond measure. An action was +immediately commenced against Prince Ippo, who did not +seem in the least concerned about it, but took his bath and +drank his twenty bottles a-day as usual. The conveyancer +met with but little opposition, and gained the day.</p> + +<p>Mr. Trunk and old Parrot were in raptures at the result. +They warmly congratulated Mr. Starling, and the three conspirators +rejoiced over a handsome dinner, which the great +merchant gave on the occasion. But, alas! their delight was +of short duration: the friends of Prince Ippo took up his +cause, appealed against the decision, and after two trials, +threw the case into Chancery.</p> + +<p>There it is likely to remain.</p> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span></p> + +<h2>THE PORTRAIT-PAINTER.</h2> + + +<div class="figright" style="width: 334px;"> +<img src="images/i009.jpg" width="334" height="400" alt="MR. PORCUPINE'S STUDIO." title="MR. PORCUPINE'S STUDIO." /> +<span class="caption">MR. PORCUPINE'S STUDIO.</span> +</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Many</span> years ago there lived a celebrated artist who +became very famous for his portraits of the great men of the +day. His name was Porcupine. It is recorded, that noblemen +of the highest rank used to visit his studio, take luncheon +with him, and honour him with their criticism.</div> + +<p>In his earlier time he was much patronised by two of the +great nobility, both members of the Dilettante Society, who +did much to bring the young artist into notice—these were +the great Lord Forestking and the well-remembered Sir Hyde +Jungle. His Lordship's patronage had, in the first instance, +been solicited for Mr. Porcupine by an eccentric individual, a +Mr. Munkey, a hanger-on of the aristocracy, who aped their +manners, but who had little of his own. He had met with +Porcupine in the country, had expressed great admiration at +his peculiar talent, and promised, if he would visit London, +to introduce him to the very first society. Mr. Porcupine, +innocently believing him, left his country hedgerows, and +took a garret in a back-street in London. It was here that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span> +Lord Forestking first visited him, and gave him the commission +to paint his portrait.</p> + +<p>Porcupine generally had an old friend with him, whom +he had long known in the country, who had come to see +the town, and who lodged in the same house. His name +was Dobbin.</p> + +<p>When Porcupine had made some advancement in the +portrait, Lord Forestking and his friend, Sir Hyde, came one +day to inspect it, attended by the ever meddling Mr. Munkey. +His Lordship seated himself in a chair opposite the picture, +and expressed himself very much satisfied with the likeness, +declaring, that he never before knew that he was so handsome +a fellow.</p> + +<p>"The portrait is—ah—very well, and the painting is—ah—admirable," +said Sir Hyde; "but do not you think—ah—that +the nose is a <i>leetle</i> too long? and are you sure," +addressing Porcupine, "that the left eye is not—ah—slightly +awry?"</p> + +<p>"I have not remarked it," returned Mr. Porcupine, +meekly.</p> + +<p>"The colouring is excellent; but—ah—'pon my honour, +I never saw his Lordship wear a coat of that tint; and do +not you think the hair is <i>rayther</i> darker than his Lordship's?"</p> + +<p>"Perhaps," suggested Mr. Porcupine, "you would see it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> +better in another light;" and he immediately moved the +easel.</p> + +<p>"Do you know," said Mr. Munkey to Mr. Dobbin—they +were at the other end of the room—"Sir Hyde Jungle is +esteemed one of our finest critics in the arts? He has visited +most of the great Continental galleries, and can tell you the +dimensions of every celebrated picture, and the exact spot +on which it is hung."</p> + +<p>"How <i>can</i> one individual be the possessor of so much +learning!" said Dobbin. "I cannot even remember the dimensions +of the common in my native village, though I have +been round it often and often."</p> + +<p>"Oh! Sir Hyde is, as you remark, a possessor of great +learning. He studies anatomy too, and is very fond of +dissecting all kinds of animals. I am told that no professor +at St. Bartholomew's can do it more rapidly."</p> + +<p>"What a wonderful individual!"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"Ah! now that I see it better," said the Baronet, "I +think the hair as near right as it can be; but—ah—you have +given his Lordship two—ah—curls on the left temple, which +I do not think his Lordship ever has."</p> + +<p>"Would your Lordship wish to have them taken out?" +inquired Porcupine.</p> + +<p>"'Pon honour, Sir Hyde," said his Lordship, "I really<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span> +think the portrait is a very good one; and I like those two +curls so much, that I'll make my barber give them to me +to-morrow morning."</p> + +<p>"I perfectly agree with your Lordship," replied the connoisseur; +"and if Mr. Porcupine will but attend to the suggestions +I have thrown out, this picture will make his fortune;" +and the learned critic began to put on his gloves and +seek his hat.</p> + +<p>The Lord and the Baronet wished the artist good morning, +and, with their attendant, departed.</p> + +<p>Poor Porcupine threw himself into his chair, and gazed +wistfully at the picture. His first thought was to thrust his +foot through the canvass, but the word "suggestions" and +"make his fortune" rang in his ears, and he burst into a long +loud laugh.</p> + +<p>"He is very learned, that Sir Hyde Jungle," observed his +friend, Mr. Dobbin, at the conclusion of the laugh.</p> + +<p>"A very learned man," said Porcupine.</p> + +<p>"And did he not promise to make your fortune?"</p> + +<p>"He did," replied the artist; "and if he can he may."</p> + +<p>The next time Sir Hyde saw the portrait, he thought the +nose and the eyes were quite right—the tone of colour on +the coat admirable—and the hair marvellously exact. The +day after, Lady Jungle and several friends came to see the +picture, and one gave Mr. Porcupine a commission for a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> +portrait of her darling Wilhelmina. A rush of orders followed, +and the great Sir Hyde Jungle did what the artist +never believed, he kept his promise, and, by his wonderful +talk, made Mr. Porcupine's fortune.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE EXHIBITION.</h2> + +<h3>A STORY. BY POLICEMAN X X.</h3> + + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">One</span> night as I was a-going my rounds, seeing that all +things were right, I felt so tired and drowsy that I could +hardly keep awake; so, when I came to the Stuffed Animals, +I lay down on the bench there to rest myself. I have heard +of many marvellous things, but nothing that ever I knew of +equals the story I am going to tell you.</div> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 334px;"> +<img src="images/i010.jpg" width="334" height="400" alt="THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION." title="THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION." /> +<span class="caption">THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION.</span> +</div><p>I had not been lying on the bench five minutes—not more +than ten minutes certainly—when I heard a confused noise +as if a crowd of visitors had been let into the building. You +may be sure I was astonished, but fancying there might be +something in the wind, I kept still and breathed very softly. +Presently a large party came into the passage where the +Stuffed Animals were, and you may imagine how I did stare—sure +enough they were a lot of the beasts from the Zoological +Gardens. But the most curious thing was, that many of +them were dressed just like Christians. First came the big +Elephant, putting me in mind, for all the world, of Mr. Trunk,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span> +the great City merchant; then the Hippopotamus, with a fez +cap on exactly like the Abyssinian prince, Ippo, that was +in the Exhibition a few days before; then a Kangaroo, with a +smart bonnet and shawl, in the same style as Mrs. Jumper's; +then a Wild Boar, looking like a country lout in a smock-frock; +then a Beaver, no better dressed than one of our +navvies, and who stamped on the Cat's toes, and made her +squeak out so shrilly, that she made my ears tingle; then +came a Parroquet, dressed like a dandy, and with him were +two fashionable birds, Miss Cockatoo and Miss Snowy Owl; +then followed an old Crocodile, looking like one of those +withered Indian nurses, and in her arms she carried a young +Frog that might have been an Indian baby. Besides these, +there was a young Monkey, exactly like my brother's boy, +Jack; a Mouse, dressed in the last-fashioned paletôt; and +a little thing that for a long time I could make nothing of, +but I fancy they call her a Duck-billed Platypus.</p> + +<p>To have heard the remarks these animals made on their +stuffed fellow-creatures would have made me die of laughter, +but that I felt rather frightened and uncomfortable at my +position so near them. The young Indian clapped his hands +when he saw the two Frogs a-shaving, and the Snowy Owl +flew up to see if the Great Horned Owl above her was really +stuffed or not. The Cat seemed very much inclined to jump +at the young Partridges; and the Mouse, dapper as he was,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span> +shrank back with fear when he caught sight of the Martins +and Weasels.</p> + +<p>At length Dent's clock struck four. The noise seemed +to frighten them away; for, when I jumped up, and rubbed +my eyes, they were all gone, nor could I make out by which +door they left.</p> + +<p>When I reported all this to my inspector, the only rewards +I got were, to be told I had been dreaming, and to have my +night's allowance of porter stopped for a fortnight.</p> + + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span></p> + +<h2>ALDERMAN GOBBLE'S AMBITION.</h2> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 337px;"> +<img src="images/i011.jpg" width="337" height="400" alt="LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON GUESTS." title="LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON GUESTS." /> +<span class="caption">LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON GUESTS.</span> +</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Not</span> many years since, Mr. Alderman Gobble was a +famous member of the Corporation of the City of London. +No one was more esteemed at the great Guildhall feasts than +he was. No one, at Christmas time, was more constant at +the Mansion-House dinners, where he was invariably placed +at the head of the table, close by the Lord Mayor.</div> + +<p>Mr. Gobble was born in Norfolk, at one of those fine +old-fashioned farm-houses so frequently met with in that +county, and was often heard to tell the tale of his first coming +to London, on a bitterly cold day, when the whole country +was covered with snow, on the top of the "Telegraph" +coach. It was Christmas-Eve, in the year 1815, and the +roof was crowded with such piles of turkeys, geese, hares, +and pheasants, that he always said he had preserved an +affection for them throughout his life.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span></p> + +<p>Some few years after his arrival in London, Mr. Gobble +became a member of the Worshipful Company of Poulterers, +and shortly afterwards he was elected Common-councilman by +a great majority of the voters, who, to show their approbation +of his excellence, invited him to a handsome dinner at Poulterers' +Hall. In due time, the Common-councilman became an +Alderman; and it was at a grand ball given on the occasion, +that he fell in love with Miss Owlet, the daughter of a +magistrate very celebrated for his wisdom. The wedding +was attended by all the great City people; and after this union +Mr. Gobble had the satisfaction of becoming the most popular +member of the Corporation, and was more frequently than +ever seen at the Corporation dinners.</p> + +<p>But the Alderman's ambition did not rest satisfied with +municipal honours. He read the debates in the House of +Commons, until he thought he could speak as well as most +of them, and aspired to become a member of Parliament. +In this laudable desire, he was greatly abetted by his beloved +spouse, who was deeply impressed with the conviction that he +would be one of the most eloquent members of the House.</p> + +<p>It happened that, about this time, the borough of Woodside +became vacant. Mr. Rabbetson, the member, while +on a visit to Earl Falcon, the owner of half the village of +Woodside, was accidentally killed by his Lordship while they +were out together for a day's sport.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span></p> + +<p>The Alderman no sooner heard of the accident than he +flew home to his wife, and told her of the opportunity that +had offered itself. By the next night's mail, Mr. and Mrs. +Gobble travelled down to Woodside, and, on the following +day, they hired a carriage and rode over to Lord Falcon's +mansion. The servants at the gate said that his Lordship +was too ill to see company; but, at the Alderman's pressing +entreaty, their cards were taken, and soon afterwards they +were ushered into the lofty apartments of Woodside Hall, +and through the library into the Earl's private garden. +There they found his Lordship walking up and down the +terrace, evidently in a most unamiable state of mind. Mrs. +Gobble drew back when she saw his fierce looks; and the +Alderman, taking off his hat, seemed undecided whether it +would not be advisable to beat a retreat before his Lordship +ate them both up, for so he seemed inclined to do. At last +Mr. Gobble told his errand, and solicited the favour of his +Lordship's interest. If Earl Falcon was angry before, he +was enraged to madness now; he screamed at his visitors, +stamped his feet, and rushed at them, cane in hand, so impetuously, +that the intruders flew away with all the haste +they could, regained their carriage, and took a post-chaise +back to London without delay.</p> + +<p>Alderman Gobble returned to town sadder, but wiser;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span> +and was never afterwards heard to talk of the honour of being +a member of Parliament.</p> + +<p>As for the borough of Woodside, Lord Falcon gave +to Mr. Weesel, the family lawyer, who, report said, was +somehow the cause of the death of poor Mr. Rabbetson.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span></p> +<h2>MRS. STRUTT'S SEMINARY.</h2> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 334px;"> +<img src="images/i012.jpg" width="334" height="400" alt="THE WALK TO HIGHGATE." title="THE WALK TO HIGHGATE." /> +<span class="caption">THE WALK TO HIGHGATE.</span> +</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">The</span> bells of Farmfield's Church rang merrily when young +Mr. Strutt married his neighbour's daughter, Miss Waddle. +The school-children had a holiday, and the labourers at all +the farms in the village dined off roast beef and plum-pudding. +Young Mr. Strutt had passed the College of Surgeons, and +set up in practice in London, in a new and fashionable neighbourhood +at the West End; that is, he had hired two rooms +in a respectable-looking house, and bargained to have his +name on a great brass plate on the door. But neither his +wedding nor his brass plate brought him any patients; and +after a two years' trial, Mr. Strutt retired from the profession +in disgust.</div> + +<p>It luckily happened that Mrs. Strutt's papa, Mr. Waddle, +determined that his daughter should receive a <i>superior</i> education, +had sent her to a very distinguished seminary, where +young ladies were taught the most wonderful accomplishments +by the very first masters; but where, unfortunately, they did +not include the art of making apple-dumplings.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span></p> + +<p>As Mrs. Strutt had no children of her own, she now +determined to devote her acquirements to the benefit of the +children of other people. So Mr. and Mrs. Strutt opened an +"Academy for Young Ladies and Gentlemen" at Kentish +Town; and, as good fortune would have it, they were soon +intrusted with the care of half-a-dozen "boarders," who +brought their own forks and spoons, and were the children of +very genteel parents, at least so Mrs. Strutt told her visitors.</p> + +<p>One thing must be said, that both master and mistress +were very kind and attentive to their young charges; and if +they did not teach them much, it was simply because they +did not know how.</p> + +<p>One fine summer's afternoon they all went together for a +ramble in the Highgate Fields. The elder Master Hawke +took his drum, and the younger had Mrs. Strutt's parasol; +Miss Duckling's two brother's had a kite and a boat; and +Charley Lighthair a whirligig. They flew the kite high up +till they could hardly see it, and sent card-messengers of every +colour up to it: they swam their boat in the pond; and +when it sailed beyond their reach, Mr. Strutt pulled it back +with his walking-cane: they ran races across the meadows, +and tried to see who could get over the stiles first; and then +when they were hot and tired, they all sat under the shade of +the great elm-trees, and Mr. Strutt told them the following +anecdote:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span>—</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 336px;"> +<img src="images/i013.jpg" width="336" height="400" alt="THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN." title="THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN." /> +<span class="caption">THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN.</span> +</div><p>"Many years ago, as I was passing through the country +town where I lived, my attention was drawn to a great crowd +of people assembled round some apparently very amusing +objects. Led by curiosity, I mixed in with them; and what +did I behold but a fellow whom I had long known, named +Bruin, teaching a monkey to perform all kinds of tricks? The +animal stood on his head, and, with his hind feet, threw sticks +up into the air; then he leaped on Mr. Bruin's head, and +balanced himself on one hand, and jumped over the heads of +the spectators; among whom, I remember, were my neighbours, +Mrs. Kangaroo and her daughter; my shoemaker, old +Pidgeon, and his little girl; Shark the lawyer; Mrs. Whinchat +the milliner; a fellow named Ratt, who had been twenty +times taken up for thieving; and the poulterer's son, Bill Goose. +I wish you had been with them to have seen how Bruin made +Jocko the monkey dance, and how all these folks laughed. +They capered about finely to get out of his way; but at last +Jocko jumped from his master's head on to Mrs. Whinchat's +back, tore off her bonnet, and in two seconds put it on the +head of little Miss Kangaroo. Oh, how the crowd shouted! +Bruin tried to beat the animal, but he laughed too much to +be able to catch him; and Jocko, pleased at his own performance, +jumped on to Ratt's back, and the rascal ran half +way down the street before the monkey would dismount. +Bruin ran after them, and so great was the crowd that pursued,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> +that he was glad to hide both himself and Jocko in +an inn-yard."</p> + +<p>The young ones all laughed famously at this story; and +then, as it was near tea-time, they set off home, where they +had, for a treat, hot toast for tea, and a game at forfeits +afterwards.</p> + +<p>So Mr. and Mrs. Strutt got on much better with the +Seminary than the Surgery; and it is said that after a few +years they had more than fifty boarders who used often +to take rambles in the Highgate Meadows.</p> + + +<div class='center'><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><small>London:—Printed by <span class="smcap">G. Barclay</span>, Castle St. Leicester Sq.</small></div> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Comical People, by Unknown + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COMICAL PEOPLE *** + +***** This file should be named 23352-h.htm or 23352-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/3/5/23352/ + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +University of Florida, The Internet Archive/Children's +Library) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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