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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Comical People, by Unknown
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Comical People
+
+Author: Unknown
+
+Illustrator: J. J. Grandville
+
+Release Date: November 6, 2007 [EBook #23352]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COMICAL PEOPLE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+University of Florida, The Internet Archive/Children's
+Library)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Cover: COMICAL PEOPLE]
+
+
+
+
+COMICAL PEOPLE.
+
+
+
+
+COMICAL PEOPLE
+
+ILLUSTRATED
+
+WITH SIXTEEN PICTURES
+
+        TAKEN FROM THE EMBROIDERED TAPESTRY CONTRIBUTED
+        BY MARIA FUSINATA, OF BELLUNO,
+        TO THE GREAT EXHIBITION.
+
+Drawn and Grouped from the Designs
+
+OF
+
+J. J. GRANDVILLE.
+
+        LONDON:
+        DAVID BOGUE, 86 FLEET STREET.
+        MDCCCLII.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+                                                       PAGE
+
+  LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL                                   1
+
+  THE LORD OF THE MANOR                                  13
+
+  MY NEIGHBOURS. A COUNTRY STORY. BY WARREN RABBITT      17
+
+  THE DE MOUSAS. A TALE                                  27
+
+  ROOKWOOD HALL                                          33
+
+  CITY PEOPLE                                            37
+
+  THE PORTRAIT-PAINTER                                   41
+
+  THE STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE EXHIBITION                  46
+
+  ALDERMAN GOBBLE'S AMBITION                             49
+
+  MRS. STRUTT'S SEMINARY                                 53
+
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS.
+
+
+                                                       PAGE
+
+  LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL (_Double Plate_)      _Frontispiece_
+
+  THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE      5
+
+  LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW                             7
+
+  THE POACHER                                            13
+
+  THE DUEL BETWEEN MR. CHANTICLEER AND YOUNG LEVERETT    17
+
+  MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ.     23
+
+  THE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEER                          25
+
+  THE DE MOUSAS                                          27
+
+  THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT                                33
+
+  MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS                             37
+
+  MR. PORCUPINE'S STUDIO                                 41
+
+  THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION                 47
+
+  LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON VISITORS                    49
+
+  THE WALK TO HIGHGATE                                   53
+
+  THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN                                 55
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+AMONG the contributions to the Great Exhibition which, from their
+position, did not acquire that popularity and praise which was due to
+them, were some fine specimens of embroidery from Vienna and various
+towns in Austria.
+
+Hung high up, beyond the glance of the casual observer, the
+elaborately-worked tapestry of Maria Fusinata attracted little
+attention. Those, however, who had the good fortune to notice it were
+always delighted with the excellent adaptation of the clever designs of
+Grandville, which the embroiderer had so faithfully rendered. The
+expression of the animals was most cleverly given, and the brightness of
+the colours added much to the effect of the compositions.
+
+Had Ploucquet added some of these designs to his "Reynard the Fox," he
+would have increased the attraction of his show, deservedly popular as
+it was. Grandville, in these delineations of the faculties of animals,
+is quite equal to Kaulbach; and, though the French artist had not the
+honour of having his pictures copied in stuffed animals, they are
+thought to be quite worthy of being formed into a volume as a sequel to
+the "Comical Creatures from Wurtemberg."
+
+
+
+
+LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL.
+
+
+HEIGH-HO! well, I am at home again at last. I wonder if I am the same
+innocent little Linnet that left these bowers only three months ago.
+What have I seen, where have I been?--or rather, What have I not seen,
+where have I not been? I have visited China and Peru, Nova Scotia,
+Trinidad, and Tuscany; I have been to Sweden, Egypt, Germany, and
+Mexico, and I have some recollections of Sardinia, and the United
+States. This is good travelling for three months, is it not?
+
+Let me think: how shall I tell you about it? I will begin at the
+beginning--
+
+Three months ago, as I was sitting in our summer-house, warbling one of
+my newest songs, our page Tom--Tom-tit we call him, he is such a funny
+little fellow--brought me a letter that had just been left by the
+postboy.
+
+I have it by heart.
+
+"My dear little Songbird,"--this is a name they gave to me from my
+infancy, for they say I could sing before I could speak,--"My dear
+little Songbird," thus the letter began, "All the world is coming to
+London this spring to see the most wonderful of sights; try and persuade
+my dear sister, that kind Mamma of yours, to let you pay your
+long-promised visit to me. You must come in May, and you may stay with
+me as long as you can bear to be away from your delightful home. Let me
+know when I may expect you.
+
+                                            "Your loving Aunt,
+                                                    "JENNY GOLDFINCH."
+
+And I remember that the envelope was addressed, "Lady Linnet, Gorse
+Bush, Somersetshire;" and that in the left-hand corner there was
+written, "For Miss Linnet."
+
+Did not I fly to my "kind Mamma" as soon as I had read this note, and
+when she had consented that I should go to see that dear old Aunt of
+mine in London, did not I half smother her with kisses. I thought the
+first of May would never come,--but it did; and Tom-tit was sent to
+London with me by the railway to take care of me.
+
+My good Aunt received me with the greatest kindness, and her son
+Drinkwater, one of the handsomest young fellows I ever saw in my life,
+began whispering compliments to me as soon as ever we were left
+together. I had a lovely little boudoir entirely for my own use, and my
+page Tom-tit had nothing else to do but wait on me. My cousin
+Drinkwater and I were soon great friends; he took me to the Opera,
+where I listened to singing such as I had never heard at Gorse Bush; he
+took me to the Chiswick Fête, where I saw flowers such as I had never
+dreamed of; and he took me--how many times? well, I can't recollect--to
+that dear, delightful Crystal Palace, where we visited more foreign
+countries than I knew of in my Geography, and where we often found
+ourselves quite alone, looking at those charming seeds from the West
+India Islands; and where we enjoyed some of the most delightful days of
+all our lives,--at least, Drinkwater said so; and I think I must say so
+too.
+
+Every one has been to the Crystal Palace, so it is of no use talking
+about the Koh-i-noor, or the fierce-looking Amazon, or the beautiful
+Veiled Vestal, or the Greek Slave, or those terrible-looking owls or
+funny foxes, or the other Comical Creatures that came from Wurtemberg. I
+will, therefore, tell you how we amused ourselves when we were not
+inclined to have our brains bewildered.
+
+First, let me inform you that my cousin, who was born in London, knows
+all the grand people by sight, and bows to a great many of them. You may
+imagine what a treat it was to me, who had lived in a country village
+all my life, to see with my own eyes His Royal Highness the Prince, or
+His Grace the Duke, or Her Grace the Duchess, or His Excellency the
+Marquis, or the Most Noble the Marchioness, pass by in their grand
+carriages. How I used to stand on tip-toe to get a glimpse of their
+faces over the people's heads, and how Drinkwater used to laugh at me.
+
+One morning we were walking in Hyde Park, amusing ourselves in the usual
+way, when Drinkwater whispered to me hurriedly, "Here come a great Lion
+and Lioness." You may imagine my sensations. Bewildered with terror, I
+was about to leave him, and fly; but when I turned with trembling limbs
+and looked in the direction he pointed out, I saw that these fearful
+creatures appeared quite harmless: in fact, the great Lion, though he
+looked very magnificent, was quietly smoking a cigar; and except that
+the Lioness stared very fiercely, and wore spurs, and carried a
+riding-whip, I really don't think I should have known that she was a
+Lioness. A little Tiger, leading the Lioness's horse, followed them at a
+short distance.
+
+I noticed that every one made way for these important members of
+society, who, indeed, seemed to think the earth hardly good enough for
+them to walk upon; but when they had passed by, I heard the people say,
+"That's the great Mr. Grandboy. He is one of our celebrated Lions. He is
+a perfect literary Beau Brummel; the author of several novels, that have
+been read prodigiously; he composes operas, sets the fashion of the
+cravat, and, they say, writes leaders for 'The Times.'"
+
+"And who, pray, is the Lioness?"
+
+"That is the Hon. Mrs. Delmacare. She writes novels, too, follows the
+hounds, and often whips her Tiger."
+
+Such were the remarks of the crowd.
+
+Drinkwater told me that some of these Lions and Lionesses do most
+extraordinary things, and that people run after them and invite them to
+the most costly entertainments, where they are expected to amuse the
+guests by their roars. I am glad I am not a Lioness.
+
+When I had somewhat recovered from the agitation caused by this
+rencontre, Drinkwater persuaded me to take a walk to St. James's Park,
+to see those charming ducks, and the black swans, and the queer little
+creatures that dive so prettily. We passed under the arch with the great
+horse on the top. I asked my cousin if he knew what country such horses
+were found in, but he could not tell me, and we walked on and soon came
+to the Queen's Palace.
+
+Here let me take breath;--just at the very moment we reached the
+gateway, out rolled the royal carriage, and in it, to our great
+happiness, we beheld her Most Gracious Majesty the Queen, and His Royal
+Highness the Prince Albert; and with them were those dear children, the
+Princess Royal and the Prince of Wales--Heaven bless them! How I did
+long to kiss them both. When the last wheel of the royal carriage was
+quite out of sight, we turned to look at the palace that the Queen
+lived in, and Drinkwater pointed out to me the funniest creature that
+ever I saw standing on a pedestal by the gate. He said it was a Unicorn,
+and that it was put there on purpose to make the Queen laugh. After we
+had counted the thousand and one windows in the front of the Palace, we
+strolled along the pleasant path by the little lake, and watched the
+children as they came with cakes in their hands to feed those greedy
+geese, that seemed as if they would gobble up cakes, and children, and
+all.
+
+While we were resting ourselves on a seat under the trees, some distant
+relations of ours, the Sparrowes of Evryware, passed by. It was well
+they did not see us, for some of them know me, and I must confess that I
+should not like to have been seen speaking to such shabby, ill-looking
+fellows. I wonder what their relations in the country would have said,
+had they seen them in such wretched condition. Their coats were torn,
+one of them had lost part of his tail, and their faces looked as if they
+had not been washed since the last shower of rain. Fearing lest the
+Sparrowes should return and discover us, I asked Drinkwater to take the
+ferry-boat to the other side; and just as we landed we had the pleasure
+of seeing the great Lord Bison introduce his sister, Lady Dorothy Zebu,
+to the renowned Admiral Macaw. You should have seen the polite bow of
+the admiral, and the delightful curtsey of the lady. I was charmed
+beyond expression. Lord Bison has a fine military air; they say he
+fought many battles on the American prairies. Lady Dorothy, who has just
+come from India, has, on the contrary, a mild, benignant countenance,
+and, I am told, is very religious. The admiral was covered with gold,
+and purple, and scarlet, and looked for all the world like one of his
+namesakes in that beautiful place, the Zoological Gardens.
+
+This was one of my most eventful days in London, and I shall long
+remember it.
+
+But now I must tell you of that evening--shall I confess it? the
+happiest evening of my life--when Drinkwater and I went to Lady
+Chaffinch's ball. My Aunt was too indisposed to accompany us; she
+therefore called her son, and told him to take great care of me, as much
+as if I were his own sister. I have an idea that if my dear Aunt knew
+all, she would have said that he rather exceeded his instructions; but
+never mind, he took great care of me.
+
+The carriage came for us at ten o'clock, when, had I been at Gorse Bush,
+I should have been fast asleep on my perch,--as Drinkwater says, for he
+loves to plague me about being a Linnet. My Cousin was beautifully
+attired; he wore a most superb cravat, of a deep ruby colour, and an
+under-waistcoat of the brightest amber; but, in fact, he always attracts
+admiration; and I think, without vanity, that I looked extremely well in
+the new brown dress I took with me from home. At a quarter past ten we
+entered Lady Chaffinch's ball-room, and, for a moment, I was perfectly
+bewildered; indeed, Drinkwater had to apologise to our hostess for my
+strange behaviour by saying I was not quite well. However, her ladyship,
+whom I had often seen in the country, was very kind to me, led me to a
+seat, and began asking after her old friends. This soon brought me to my
+senses; and after a little while I could bear to look at the dazzling
+chandeliers, the magnificent pier-glasses, and the splendidly-dressed
+people, without being giddy at the sight. Soon after our arrival, the
+band commenced playing, and some of the company arranged themselves for
+a dance. Old Sir Cayman Alligator, an East-Indian Director, led out the
+graceful Lady Caroline Giraffe, who, I must say, deserved the praise
+young Nightingale bestowed upon her, when he said, she was one of
+"Nature's nobility." I could not but admire her large, full eyes, which
+looked at you so tenderly, and the gentle bending of her beautiful neck;
+and then, what a contrast she was to her horrid-looking partner! I
+suppose he must be very rich, or I cannot think why Lady Chaffinch
+should have invited him. Opposite to them stood young Lord Crowe, a
+younger brother of the noble Earl of Ravenskind, and with him was the
+Honourable Miss Pigeon. Lord Crowe is a good-looking fellow, rather
+dark, it must be confessed; but as he wears glasses, he looks very
+interesting. They say that his brother, the Earl, has picked up his
+great wealth in a most unaccountable manner, and that the whole family
+have a singular want of discrimination in the meaning of the words
+_meum_ and _tuum_. His partner, who had a nice, dove-coloured dress on,
+appeared very desirous of pleasing the young Lord, and I thought they
+seemed very happy together. The other couples were Sir Hector
+Downcharge, of Kennelhouse, a great sportsman, who came in his militia
+uniform, and Miss Pie, the daughter of the celebrated Mrs. Margaret, or
+Mag Pie, as her neighbours call her. And opposite to them were a Mr.
+Puddock, a person connected with the City, who, through the death of a
+relative, has just come into possession of a fine marshy estate among
+the Lincolnshire Fens; and Miss Lavinia Greyhound, who, as all the world
+knows, was a long time engaged to young Hare, who ran away from her in a
+very shameful way, and hurt her feelings so much that she did not appear
+again in public for several months.
+
+Drinkwater and I stood aside, and entertained ourselves with quiet
+remarks to each other, not always complimentary to the company. He
+thought Miss Pie the prettiest of the dancers, and certainly she was
+sweetly dressed, and looked very well. Her partner, Sir Hector, was,
+without doubt, the handsomest of the gentlemen, though he appeared to me
+to give himself airs, like an overfed spaniel that has been too much
+petted, and to lounge about in a way not at all becoming a lady's
+ball-room. The little fellow from the City, his _vis-à-vis_, was a very
+different person--he seemed determined to let us all know that he had
+lately been taking twelve dancing-lessons of Madame Hopper, for he
+turned his toes out in the most _elegant_ way, and was evidently quite
+impressed with a belief that he was astonishing the spectators with his
+surprising agility. The very tie of his cravat made Drinkwater nearly
+die with suppressed laughter; and when the youth began dancing, we were
+obliged to take a walk into the adjoining Conservatory, lest our
+merriment should be discovered. I never knew a more delightful place
+than this Conservatory; the flowers in it are brighter than I have seen
+elsewhere; and some that Drinkwater gathered for me were far sweeter
+than any I had ever known before. We staid sometime in this Conservatory
+looking at the beautiful exotics, and talking of _nothing_ else but of
+them and the weather; and it was not till we had been there more than
+half-an-hour that I discovered that we were quite alone. We immediately
+returned to the ball-room, where, luckily, our absence had not been
+discovered, and in a few minutes were whirling round in a most
+delightful waltz.
+
+But I have forgotten the rest of the company. Foremost in dignity was
+the Countess Auk, of Stornaway Rock, in the Hebrides; and with her were
+her two nieces, Lady Isabella Snipe and the Honourable Miss Woodcock. I
+saw Mr. Reynard, the celebrated member for Hollowoak, having a long
+gossip with the Countess and her young charges, for both of whom he
+seemed to profess great admiration. Mr. Jay, the member for
+Chatterfield, was likewise there, and paid a good deal of attention, I
+thought, to the Honourable Miss Dove, a cousin of Miss Pigeon's. Miss
+Dove plays very nicely, and sometimes, when the band required rest, she
+rattled off a waltz in fine style, Mr. Jay most attentively turning the
+music-leaves.
+
+Drinkwater also pointed out to me Miss Stork, the daughter of the
+Attorney-General, so famous for the length of his bill; Miss Blaccap,
+who, they say, sings as sweetly as a Robin-Redbreast; Lord Bruin, who
+has just come from a tour in Russia; the Right Honourable Mr. Ramshead;
+and a crowd of folks, more or less known, most of whom _would_ stand by
+the doorway and prevent the servants and the fresh air from entering the
+room.
+
+About three o'clock the Countess of Auk's carriage was summoned, and the
+company began to retire. Drinkwater and I stood shivering on the stairs
+full half-an-hour before Lady Goldfinch's brougham was announced; and
+when we reached home, I found I had been fast asleep with my head on
+Drinkwater's shoulder.
+
+Ten days after Lady Chaffinch's ball, I was obliged to tear myself away
+from my kind aunt and my dear cousin, and with only Tom-tit for my
+companion, to return to this dismal Gorse Bush, which I used to think
+the sweetest of homes. Now I do nothing but wonder how long it will be
+before my aunt invites me to London again. Tom-tit brings me letters
+from the post-boy much oftener than before, and were it not for them, I
+do not think I could bear my existence.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+This is the substance of some letters I have lately received from my
+dear friend, Julia Linnet. She is a warm-hearted little thing, easily
+led away by her enthusiasm. At first, I was afraid she would pine away
+with melancholy; but all my uneasiness was dispelled a few mornings
+since, when a lace-bordered envelope reached me, enclosing two cards
+tied together with silver-cord, on one of which was written,--
+
+[Illustration: Mr. Drinkwater Goldfinch
+                                  Furze Park]
+
+[Illustration: THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE.]
+
+[Illustration: LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW.]
+
+[Illustration: THE POACHER.]
+
+
+
+
+THE LORD OF THE MANOR.
+
+
+SIR VANE PEACOCK was the owner of large estates in Cumberland, and a
+great game preserver. His tenantry were bound to protect all the hares,
+partridges, and pheasants that fed on their young corn; and, in return,
+Sir Vane entertained them once a-year with a dinner of roast mutton and
+potatoes, when good luck enabled them to bring their rents on Old
+Michaelmas-day. A great personage was Sir Vane Peacock. He was the
+possessor of two thousand acres of the richest arable land in the
+county, besides his own park and grounds, of a hundred and twenty acres,
+well covered with fine trees. Sir Vane would have been happy but for one
+circumstance: he could not prevent the village poachers from destroying
+his game. It was in vain that he employed keepers and offered rewards
+for every depredator they apprehended or _killed_; year after year
+rolled by, and still Sir Vane's great struggle in life was to preserve
+his partridges. Sir Vane was a county magistrate, and it may be imagined
+how summarily he dealt with all offenders brought before him. In one
+year, two young fellows, named Martin and Weesel, both belonging to the
+village, were shot by his keepers, Martin in the leg and Weesel in the
+back, because they were found near a rabbit-warren at a suspicious hour
+in the evening; and an old fellow, whom they called Horny Owl, was so
+severely beaten on the head by one of the Baronet's men, that he only
+lived two days afterwards. Old Horny was concealed in the trunk of a
+hollow oak, and was found there with no less than three young partridges
+in his possession, which he pleaded he was about to take home for his
+little ones' supper. But Sir Vane could never catch the rascals who did
+the most mischief: one was a notorious character, known as Bill Kite;
+the others a family of brothers, whose name was Lurcher. These were too
+old at the sport, and too cunning, to let the keepers get near them, and
+it is believed they made a very excellent living out of Sir Vane's
+game-preserves.
+
+Among the Baronet's tenantry was a Mr. Pointer, a thoroughly well-bred
+individual, who lived at a farm close by the park, and who generally
+accompanied Sir Vane on his shooting-excursions. Mr. Pointer had but one
+son, named Carlo, with whose training he had taken much pains, and at an
+early age Carlo promised soon to know as much about field matters as his
+worthy father. But Carlo had one failing which his parent little dreamed
+of. On one occasion, when on a visit to a neighbouring farm, the youth
+had tasted a hare, and ever afterwards he longed to regale himself
+again on such delightful food. One unlucky morning Carlo was rambling
+about his father's farm with a gun on his arm, merely to shoot the rooks
+and frighten away the sparrows, when a hare jumped out of her form and
+ran away straight before him. The opportunity was too tempting. Bang!
+went Carlo's gun, and poor pussy tumbled head over heels. Carlo looked
+round him with anxious glances, and fancying the coast was clear, took
+up his prize and put it in his pocket; but just as he was vaulting over
+a gate, Towser, the head-keeper at the park, emerged from behind the
+hedge, and, without a word, took Carlo's gun from his arm and the hare
+from his pocket. Carlo was no match for Towser, so he allowed himself to
+be led before the great Sir Vane without opposition. Towser related the
+whole of Carlo's terrible offence, which he had witnessed from behind
+the fence, and the indignant Sir Vane demanded the criminal's reply.
+Carlo assumed a bold and careless air; told the Baronet that he wished
+to have the hare for his dinner, and that he could see no harm in
+killing animals that were feeding on his father's corn. This enraged Sir
+Vane to such an extent that he started from his chair, seized the gun
+from Towser, and would certainly have shot Carlo on the spot, had not
+the youth sprung upon the Baronet, wrenched the gun out of his hands,
+and laid him sprawling on the floor. Towser ran to his master's
+assistance, and Carlo, without waiting for his sentence, jumped through
+the open window into the garden, flew across the lawn with the speed of
+a greyhound, and quickly put forty long miles between himself and
+Peacock Hall.
+
+Ten days afterwards Carlo read in "The Sportsman's Chronicle" that, much
+to the regret of his family and a numerous circle of admiring friends,
+Sir Vane Peacock had died suddenly of apoplexy, brought on by a fall.
+Not a word was said about the cause of the accident; indeed the Baronet,
+on his deathbed, remembering that he himself had commenced the outrage,
+had expressly forbidden Towser to mention it, and Carlo thought that he
+might as well return home at once.
+
+Sir Vane Peacock left no children, and the estates descended to his
+cousin, Sir Java Peacock, who, fortunately for Carlo, had been too long
+a witness of the evils arising from game-preserving to wish to continue
+them. Immediately after taking possession, the new landlord sent a note
+round, informing every tenant on his estate that he was at perfect
+liberty to shoot or course all the game he found on his own farm.
+
+It is said that from that time Carlo dined off roast hare and
+currant-jelly at least once in every week for the remainder of his
+life.
+
+[Illustration: THE DUEL.]
+
+
+
+
+MY NEIGHBOURS.
+
+A COUNTRY STORY. BY WARREN RABBITT.
+
+
+IN a charming retreat, upon the borders of a wood in Gloucestershire, I
+once enjoyed the society of some friends, named Leverett, with whom I
+was very intimate. They seemed to be the happiest little family in the
+world, subsisted mostly on the produce of their farm, and always
+welcomed a neighbour like myself with great hospitality. I resided at
+that time at a pleasant place called the Sandpits, not far from their
+abode, and I often looked in as I passed by, for half an hour's chat
+with the old lady, or to ask Jack or his brother Bob to take a stroll
+with me in the woods. The father was remarkable for his extreme caution,
+seldom went far from home, and never meddled with other people's
+affairs. It would have been well had his sons followed his example; but
+then I should not have had this tale to tell.
+
+Close by us, at the largest farm-house in the county, there lived a Mr.
+Chanticleer, one of the proudest and most irritable fellows I ever had
+the misfortune to meet with. To see the airs with which he strutted
+about his farm-yard, and drove all the ducks and geese flying to make
+way for him, often made Jack Leverett and myself laugh: but when he went
+out for a walk with his wife and daughters, his consequence appeared to
+be increased tenfold, and one wondered where the path was broad enough
+for him to walk upon.
+
+Mr. Chanticleer was extremely jealous of any intrusion upon his
+property, and warned off every one who did but set foot on his land. Tom
+Leverett knew this well enough, and knew what a pugnacious and litigious
+fellow his neighbour was, so he ought to have been more careful than to
+give Chanticleer any ground of complaint. Tom, it appears, had a great
+taste for botany, and often rose early to indulge in his favourite
+pursuit. One morning, in the ardour of his search for some particular
+plant, Tom crept through the hedge into one of his neighbour's fields;
+and so much absorbed was he in the discovery of some sweet-tasting grass
+which he had never before met with, that he did not notice the approach
+of Mr. Chanticleer, until that worthy was close upon him.
+
+Chanticleer, it appears, always made a practice of rising early; but
+though Tom had distinguished his voice--so loud you might have heard it
+half a mile off--calling to the people in the farm-yard, he did not at
+all expect a visit from him in the particular field that he was
+examining.
+
+"Well, sir," said Mr. Chanticleer to Tom, in an authoritative tone as
+he came close up to him, "may I ask what brings you here?"
+
+"I am studying botany," replied Tom.
+
+"Studying fiddlesticks!" cried his neighbour; "what business have you in
+my fields?"
+
+"I have examined all the plants on our side," answered Tom, meekly.
+
+"Then go back and examine them again," cried Mr. Chanticleer, putting
+himself in a great passion, "and don't let me see you here any more!"
+
+"You need not be angry, sir," said Tom, "I have done no mischief."
+
+"Angry, sir! what do you mean by angry?" spluttered out the other. "I'll
+teach you to tell me I'm angry!" and so saying, he thrust Tom with all
+his force into the hedge.
+
+Luckily there was a gap there, and Tom was able to get through, and thus
+escape from any further insult. He heard Chanticleer's voice shouting
+after him; Tom did not stay to listen, but ran towards the wood as fast
+as his legs would carry him.
+
+It so happened, that just before Tom reached home he met Captain
+Bulldog, an old officer of the Guards, who had retired on half-pay, with
+an extra pension for the loss of one of his legs, which he had left on
+the field, and to him Tom recounted all the circumstances of the
+assault. The Captain immediately told Tom that he had but one course to
+pursue, which was, to call Chanticleer out. Tom did not at first
+understand this phrase; but, on its being explained to him, his knees
+knocked together, and he begged the Captain to say nothing more of the
+matter. But the Captain, who owed Chanticleer a grudge, insisted that
+Tom should place himself entirely in his hands, took the poor youth to
+his own house, and did not let him rest till Tom had fairly indited a
+challenge. This the Captain had the great satisfaction of delivering
+personally to Mr. Chanticleer, who turned very red in the face on
+reading it, and made some little attempts at an apology. These the
+Captain would not listen to, saying, the insult was too great for
+apologies; and Chanticleer was at last obliged to refer him to his
+friend, Sir Wiley Reynard, of Underwood, to arrange a meeting.
+
+Poor Tom! I think I see him now, as he came with his long face to tell
+me of the scrape he had got into.
+
+"I would stay at home," said the unfortunate youth, with tears in his
+eyes, "but that I am afraid of offending Captain Bulldog, who will,
+perhaps, challenge me himself, if I don't fight Chanticleer; and of the
+two enemies," added Tom, forcing a faint smile, "you know which I should
+prefer."
+
+Afterwards, Tom told me where the meeting was to be; and as I thought my
+young neighbour might want a friend, I determined to be near at hand.
+
+It was about six o'clock on a cold, grey, autumn morning, that I
+concealed myself in a thicket by the side of Goose Common, and waited
+the arrival of the combatants. Captain Bulldog, with young Leverett by
+his side, were first on the field, and I could see that poor Tom shook
+in every limb. They did not wait long. A post-chaise soon came
+clattering along the road, and out of it jumped Sir Wiley Reynard,
+Doctor Crane, and Mr. Chanticleer. Sir Wiley and the Captain soon
+arranged the preliminaries, and Chanticleer walked boldly and jauntily
+to his post. Not so my friend. Poor Tom, fainthearted at all times, was
+now terrified to such a degree, that the Captain had absolutely to
+support him, or he would certainly have dropped. Presently, Sir Wiley
+gave the signal to fire; Tom complied at once, and sent his bullet
+flying somewhere above my head, about as wide of the mark as it well
+could be; and then, without waiting for the compliment of a return, off
+he started as fast as ever his legs carried him in his life, cleared the
+hedge at a bound, and ran straight into a thick wood. I nearly died with
+laughter, not only to see Tom run, but to behold the terrible look of
+the Captain, as he gazed after his flying friend; to watch the surprised
+and somewhat pleased look of Chanticleer, who seemed half inclined to
+fire after the fugitive; and to see the puzzled expression of Sir
+Wiley's face, and the comical grin on Dr. Crane's, as he tapped his box
+and offered the Baronet a pinch. After a few moments of silence, no one
+knowing what to do in such an unusual dilemma, the Captain walked up to
+Sir Wiley, and offered, if the Baronet were not satisfied, to fight
+either Mr. Chanticleer or the Baronet himself, whichever was preferred.
+But Sir Wiley replied very politely that he was perfectly satisfied with
+Captain Bulldog, and that he only regretted that the Captain should act
+for such a coward as Mr. Thomas Leverett. On this the Captain began
+abusing poor Tom so terribly, that I thought it best to beat a retreat
+and see after my runaway friend. When I arrived home I found him sitting
+in my little back-parlour, just as I expected. He had covered his face
+with his hands, and was crying bitterly. I comforted the poor fellow as
+well as I could, and did not give him the least grounds for suspecting
+that I had been a witness of his behaviour. In a little time he became
+calmer, and then he told me that the report of his own pistol had
+frightened him so much, that, for his life, he could not help running
+away.
+
+It was not many days after this that Tom came to me again, evidently in
+great pain; and, from the broken sentences that escaped him, I learned
+that as he and his brother Bob were walking in the public road,
+Chanticleer had met them; and after calling Tom by every abusive name he
+could think of, had ended by thrashing him with a riding-whip, till the
+unfortunate youth could scarcely stand. I thought this was carrying the
+matter too far, so I walked home with him to speak to his father about
+it. The old gentleman was very much excited at Tom's account of the
+quarrel; he had not heard a word about it till that day, and said that
+Chanticleer should pay dearly for what he had done; and as for Tom's
+mother, she fainted away at first, and ended by urging her husband to
+prosecute that rascal Chanticleer, even if it cost them their last grain
+of food. She thought but little of what she was saying then, but she
+remembered it afterwards.
+
+On that very afternoon old Mr. Leverett and Bob took the railway to
+Gloucester, and went at once to the celebrated lawyer, Mr. Sharpe
+Vulture, of Billocost Row. Mr. Vulture, who was just going home to
+dinner, and was both hungry and savage, heard their story with great
+impatience, told them to come again the next morning, and bade them good
+day. He thus saved his dinner hot, and pocketed an extra fee for an
+additional consultation. His client, little used to lawyers'
+pleasantries, thought this behaviour very strange; but as he had some
+relations close by the town, he resolved that he and Bob would spend the
+night with them, and they told me they were most hospitably entertained.
+
+On the next morning the father and son again called on the celebrated
+Mr. Sharpe Vulture, and this time with better success, for that worthy
+recommended that Mr. Leverett should first apply to a magistrate for a
+warrant against Mr. Chanticleer; and, secondly, that Tom should commence
+an action against him for the assault.
+
+To both these courses old Leverett offered no opposition; and on Bob's
+evidence Sir Simon Graveowl, a magistrate of noted wisdom, granted a
+warrant against Chanticleer, which Mr. Sharpe Vulture immediately gave
+to an active young policeman to execute. Now, it happened to be
+market-day at Gloucester, and as Mr. Chanticleer was a large consumer of
+barley, he usually attended the Corn Exchange during certain hours. This
+the policeman knew; so no sooner had he received the warrant than he
+walked straight to Mr. Chanticleer as he stood talking loudly to a large
+circle of friends and neighbours,--old Mr. Drake, young Mr. Gosling, Mr.
+Peacock, Mr. Pidgeon, Mr. Swann, and several others,--and forthwith
+arrested him. Poor Mr. Chanticleer! how crest-fallen he looked! All his
+crowing was stopped in a moment. He walked by the policeman's side in
+silence, and looked as much like a culprit as any thief that was ever
+found with the stolen goods in his possession.
+
+The policeman, thrown off his guard by Chanticleer's quietness, walked
+by his side without holding him, and of this my neighbour was not slow
+to avail himself; for just as they had passed a narrow street, he
+suddenly ran back, and, with a loud noise, flew along the pavement as if
+twenty Sharpe Vultures were pursuing him. The policeman was not slow to
+follow; and when the unfortunate Chanticleer was stopped by a sentinel
+at the gate of the barracks, he seized his prisoner with such violence
+by his red neck-tie, that he almost strangled him there and then.
+
+Old Leverett chuckled to himself, and was greatly delighted to see
+Chanticleer brought into the magistrate's room by two policemen, one
+holding him tightly by each arm. Mr. Sharpe Vulture immediately brought
+forward the accusation against the prisoner. Bob's evidence was taken:
+it was declared that Tom was too unwell from the effects of the assault
+to attend in person, and Mr. Chanticleer was fined five pounds. For this
+amount he immediately wrote an order on his bankers,--Brier, Primrose,
+and Whitethorn; and then, greatly to old Leverett's chagrin, the
+prisoner was discharged, and all parties left the court.
+
+Mr. Sharpe Vulture advised instant proceedings at law. Accordingly, an
+action was brought for damages; but through some _little_ informality,
+the plaintiff was defeated, and had to pay his own and Mr. Chanticleer's
+lawyers' costs. Mr. Sharpe Vulture advised a second action, which was
+tried, I remember, at the Assizes just twelve months after the assault
+complained of. Counsel were engaged on each side. Mr. Badger was for
+Chanticleer, and the Hon. Mr. Muff for the Leveretts. Badger had Captain
+Bulldog put into the witness-box, and the whole story of the duel was
+told in court, making even the learned judge roar with laughter. Badger
+proved, beyond a doubt, that Tom had well deserved castigation for his
+cowardice, and that Mr. Chanticleer had only laid his whip lightly
+across his shoulders; that Bob, as one of the family, was not to be
+believed; and that the defendant bore the highest character for
+gentleness of disposition. The Hon. Mr. Muff proved nothing, but that he
+richly deserved his name, and the jury returned a verdict for the
+plaintiff, damages one farthing.
+
+Poor old Leverett! this trial completely ruined him. Sharpe Vulture
+seized all his property, and the once happy little family were sent
+adrift on the wide world without a home.
+
+The last time I heard of them, the mother and the two sons were living
+in an humble way not far from the sea-side; the father was dead; Tom
+still continued his favourite study, but he always took great care not
+to trespass in other people's fields.
+
+[Illustration: MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ.]
+
+[Illustration: THE DE MOUSAS.]
+
+
+
+
+THE DE MOUSAS.
+
+A TALE.
+
+
+IN one of those charming Italian villas lately built at Bayswater, live
+Mr. Persian and Lady Angora De Mousa, personages of much consequence in
+the society to which they belong. Late hours, and a somewhat gay life,
+have a little impaired Lady Angora's beauty; but she still attracts
+great admiration, and her husband is as proud of her as ever.
+
+A highly respectable couple, but of plainer pretensions than the De
+Mousas, reside in Cypress Cottage, a small house in the adjacent
+Gravel-pits,--Mr. Thomas and Mrs. Tabitha Tortoshell, with a family of
+one son and two daughters. Mr. De Mousa is of foreign extraction, but
+Mr. Tortoshell claims him as a cousin by his mother's side, and is not a
+little proud of the relationship.
+
+The De Mousas are in very easy circumstances, and indulge in many
+expensive luxuries, having Devonshire clotted cream every morning at
+breakfast, and a fricassee of some small deer, that they appear to be
+very fond of, for their supper. Their carriage is the handsomest in the
+villas; and _when_ they go to church, two pages always attend them.
+
+Before the arrival of the De Mousas--for they have but lately come from
+abroad--the Tortoshells lived in the most unpretending way; but within
+the last twelve months they have started a brougham, and a
+livery-servant with a gold-laced collar, much to the surprise of their
+neighbours, who wondered what sudden good fortune had befallen them. But
+I am sorry to say this extravagance was all owing to the vanity of Mrs.
+Tortoshell, who is most anxious to be introduced into society by Lady
+Angora De Mousa, as you shall hear.
+
+Mr. Tortoshell called on his cousin soon after his arrival in the
+neighbourhood of the Gravel-pits, and explained to him their
+relationship, which Mr. De Mousa, who is extremely well bred, professed
+great delight in hearing of, at the same time he invited the whole
+family of the Tortoshells to dinner on the next day. Lady Angora was not
+over-pleased at this arrangement, and assumed a haughty air when the
+Tortoshells came; but being naturally of a warm-hearted disposition, she
+quickly became attached to the elder daughter Minnie, though it must be
+confessed she showed no great partiality for the mamma. The son also,
+Young Tom as he was called, to distinguish him from his father, won the
+good opinion of Mr. De Mousa, by his shrewdness and his intimate
+knowledge of London life among certain classes. So the day passed
+pleasantly enough, and Mr. and Mrs. Tortoshell and their family all
+walked home with greater consequence than they had before assumed. But
+it happened to be a rainy evening, Mrs. Tortoshell spoiled her best
+velvet dress, and easily persuaded her husband that it would be more
+economical for them to keep a brougham. Mr. Tortoshell pretended to
+believe her, and bought one.
+
+One day, about a month after, as Lady Angora and her husband were about
+taking their usual promenade in Kensington Gardens, they were astonished
+at the appearance of a footman in the smartest of liveries, who, instead
+of going as usual to the servants' gate, came straight up to them, and
+delivered a letter to Mr. De Mousa, who abruptly tore open the envelope,
+read the contents of the note, and handed it to his wife. Lady Angora,
+seeing it was an invitation from the Tortoshells to dinner on that day
+week, tossed her head as she gave it back, and Mr. De Mousa blandly
+informed the servant--a stupid lout, who had been bred in a
+farm-yard--that he would communicate with Mr. Tortoshell.
+
+All down the broad walk in Kensington Gardens, all across by the
+flower-gardens, and all up the path by the ha-ha, Lady Angora talked of
+nothing but the impudence of the Tortoshells, vowing and protesting that
+nothing on earth should induce her to visit them. But her good-natured
+husband was more inclined to treat the matter as a joke, and, by dint of
+persuasion and raillery, before they reached home he had induced Lady
+Angora to accept the invitation "for this once." A polite answer was,
+therefore, immediately despatched.
+
+The week elapsed. Mrs. Tabitha had worked herself into a perfect fever
+of anxiety; and her poor daughters, Minnie and Katty, were tired to
+death with their labour in carrying out their mother's injunctions. The
+dinner-hour was fixed for six o'clock. At half-past five Mrs. Tabitha
+was still adding vermicelli to the soup, Minnie and Katty were still
+turning out jellies and blanc-manges, and Sappy the footman was still
+cleaning the plate. Mr. Tortoshell was sitting uneasily by the window
+endeavouring to read "The Times," and young Tom was flying home from the
+City in a Hansom's cab at the rate of twelve miles an hour.
+
+At a quarter past six, Mr. De Mousa and Lady Angora arrived. Neither
+Mrs. Tortoshell nor her daughters were ready to receive them. Sappy was
+in his shirt-sleeves, and the maids were not fit to be seen; so Mr.
+Tortoshell had to open the door, receive his company, and usher them
+into his drawing-room himself. Mr. De Mousa looked at his watch and said
+he was afraid they were early, which rather confused Mr. Tortoshell; but
+the cousins soon got to talking of the beautiful weather, and the
+beautiful moonlight nights, and Lady Angora amused herself by playing
+with a young kitten on the hearth-rug.
+
+At half-past six Mr. Tortoshell said he really must see why his wife and
+daughter did not come, and for that purpose left the room. Lady Angora
+looked at her husband, who, well-bred as he was, could not help
+observing, with a broad smile, that "such manners were enough to make a
+cat laugh."
+
+At length Mrs. Tabitha and her two daughters appeared, very smartly
+dressed, but not very much at their ease, and a moment afterwards Sappy
+announced dinner. Mr. De Mousa escorted Mrs. Tabitha with much graceful
+dignity, and Mr. Tortoshell followed with Lady Angora; Young Tom just
+rushing into the room in time to offer his attendance to his sisters,
+who could not but wonder what extraordinary business could have kept him
+so late in the City. Dinner was served. The rats'-tail soup was burnt;
+Lady Angora could not touch it: but Sappy, in removing the plate,
+managed to spill a considerable quantity over her ladyship's dress. The
+fish was overdone on one side, and nearly raw on the other; so her
+ladyship could not eat that. The fowls were old and tough; the venison
+had not been hung long enough, and Minnie had forgotten the
+currant-jelly. The blanc-mange and the ices had somehow been placed near
+the kitchen fire; and, to crown all, Lady Angora declared that the only
+dish she cared for was fricasseed mice. Mrs. Tabitha, excited to
+desperation, jumped up from her seat with an expression of horror, as
+though she had been dining with a cannibal; but the effort was too much
+for her, for she immediately fell back in a swoon. Minnie flew to her
+mamma's assistance, Katty rushed for the eau de Cologne, old Tom and
+young Tom both rang the bells, and did nothing but create confusion; and
+Mr. De Mousa and Lady Angora, without staying for a formal leave-taking,
+quitted the room and the house with evident precipitation.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Since that day the cousins have not visited. Mr. Tortoshell has
+discovered that a carriage is not so _very_ economical; and when by
+chance he meets Mr. De Mousa, his attention is sure to be attracted by
+something on the top of a neighbouring house. Mrs. Tabitha often reads
+of Lady Angora in the "Morning Post," but she has never been heard to
+mention that her ladyship has dined at Cypress Cottage.
+
+[Illustration: THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT.]
+
+
+
+
+ROOKWOOD HALL.
+
+
+IN a quiet village in Cumberland, far retired from the great world,
+there stands a noble old red-brick mansion, partly in ruins, and mostly
+covered with ivy, which ever attracts the attention of the wayfarer who
+passes through that remote district. For many years Rookwood Hall--so is
+it called--has been in the possession of the ancient family of the
+Rookes; father and son have grown up beneath the shade of the grand old
+elms that line the majestic avenue and all but surround the mansion, and
+the bones of twenty generations of Rookes now lie together beneath the
+adjacent sod. Five years since the last of the family, Sir Whitewing
+Rooke, was killed as he was returning towards home on a quiet autumn
+evening. He was found lying under one of the tall elm-trees in the
+avenue, pierced with a bullet that had passed through his heart. Whether
+this occurred by accident or design, no one could ever tell; but there
+were dark suspicions afloat, and rumour said that the Rookes were not
+without their enemies.
+
+Lady Rooke, the childless widow, mourned long for her husband, rarely
+ventured beyond the boundary of the park, but spent most of her time in
+endeavouring to benefit the neighbouring farmers, who had not gratitude
+enough even to thank her for her services.
+
+There was one exception. Young Gamecock, the owner of a small estate
+adjoining Rookwood Park, was full of gratitude, and often called upon
+Lady Rooke to thank her for her kindness. Mr. Gamecock was an
+exceedingly good-looking fellow, dressed handsomely, always wore spurs,
+and had more manners than any other farmer within twenty miles; and,
+therefore, it is not to be wondered at that Lady Rooke somewhat
+encouraged these gratitude-visits. Her Ladyship often complained how
+dull and lonely she was, living without a protector in that old mansion,
+whose walls were covered with ghastly portraits of departed Rookes; and
+whose ancient casements rattled at night when the wind blew in its
+fitful fancies, and made the very stairs groan as it rushed up and down
+in its capricious impetuosity.
+
+Young Gamecock listened to the good dame's stories, told her _he_ knew
+no fear, that the wind might whistle as it willed for him; and that if
+he owned such a mansion, that the old pictures should decorate the
+garrets, where the bats and sparrows held undisputed possession.
+
+At last people began to notice that young Gamecock went very often to
+Rookwood Hall, and many surmises were soon afloat. Mr. Crow, a cousin
+of the deceased Baronet's, laughed at the silly talk, as he called it,
+and said that her Ladyship was about to make Mr. Gamecock her bailiff.
+Mr. Howlet, the solicitor from the neighbouring village, shook his head,
+looked "wondrous wise," but said nothing; and that pert gentleman, Mr.
+Sparrow, reported that he had peeped in at the window one day, and knew
+more than he chose to tell. So matters went on for a time. At last, one
+fine day Mr. Howlet was seen to drive up to the Hall, and take in with
+him a large document. The whole village was astir: something must be
+going on, every one said; and within two days it was known that the
+document in question was a marriage-settlement, and that the wedding of
+Lady Rooke and young Mr. Gamecock was to take place in the following
+week.
+
+Alas, for the uncertainty of this world! No sooner did the news of the
+approaching marriage reach the ears of Mrs. Partlett and her
+daughters--the aunt and cousins of Mr. Gamecock--than they vowed it
+should never be. It appears that Mr. Gamecock had long been affianced to
+Miss Hennie Partlett, and the news of his desertion so preyed on her
+delicate constitution, that she pined away and lost all her good looks.
+Fired at the indignity offered to his family, her brother Redcomb sought
+his opportunity, met Mr. Gamecock as he was crossing the lawn in front
+of Rookwood Hall, and challenged him to mortal combat. Gamecock, in
+haste to visit his betrothed, passed on without heeding his adversary;
+but the valiant Redcomb flew at him, and with one stroke beat him to the
+earth. Gamecock rose, shook himself, and attacked Redcomb with such
+impetuosity, that at first he retreated; but, collecting his strength,
+he returned to the attack, and Gamecock again bit the dust. Lady Rooke
+was sitting by a window, watching for the arrival of her lover, whence
+she saw the whole of this deadly contest. At Gamecock's second fall she
+flew to his rescue, and arrived just as a fresh battle was begun. Urged
+by her fears for her beloved, her Ladyship threw herself between the
+combatants; but it was at a most unlucky moment, for a blow from Redcomb
+struck her on the temples, and she fell senseless between them. The
+combatants forgot their quarrel, and carried the poor lady into the
+room; a messenger was despatched for Dr. Stork, but before he could
+arrive, her Ladyship had breathed her last.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Rookwood Hall passed into another family of the Rookes, distantly
+related; and after two years dallying, Miss Hennie Partlett, forgetting
+former grievances, became Mrs. Gamecock, and Redcomb gave her away.
+
+[Illustration: MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS.]
+
+
+
+
+CITY PEOPLE.
+
+
+MR. TRUNK, the great East India merchant, is an individual of immense
+weight in the City. Wherever he appears the crowd make way for him, and
+bestow upon him marked attention. His particular friend is old Mr.
+Parrot, whose connexions lie with the West Indies and South America, and
+who boasts of his relationship with the celebrated Macaw family.
+Whenever there is a sudden rise in sugar or tobacco, Mr. Parrot
+immediately goes on 'Change to consult his great friend, Mr. Trunk, as
+to the course he should pursue; and the united wisdom of the two
+merchants generally produces a result favourable to Mr. Parrot's
+interests.
+
+Mr. Trunk lives in a large house in the Regent's Park, where he
+entertains very many visitors, in a way peculiar to himself, his chief
+pleasure consisting in the offer of his carriage for a ride round his
+beautiful gardens; for which, by way of joke, he always demands a cake
+or a bun from each visitor. His son, too, Master Suckling Trunk,
+contributes much to the gratification of the guests; and certainly he
+is a very amusing youth, such as one does not often meet with.
+
+Two years ago Mr. Trunk was greatly annoyed by the arrival of a young
+black prince from the banks of the Nile, who took a house close by him
+in the Park, and, much to Mr. Trunk's mortification, completely outshone
+him in the grandeur of his entertainments. All the fashionable and
+mercantile world flocked to the mansion of Prince Ippo, and considered
+it a great condescension if His Highness would but favour them with a
+sight of his eyes and ears.
+
+The great Mr. Trunk, he who had never known a rival near his throne,
+felt deeply the slight cast upon him, and vowed to be revenged on his
+sable adversary. He talked of his grievance to old Mr. Parrot, till that
+worthy felt as indignant as his friend; but, as he could suggest no
+method of vengeance, Mr. Trunk called to his counsel, the celebrated
+City conveyancer, Mr. Starling.
+
+"You see, sir," said old Mr. Parrot, when the three had met in
+consultation, "this black young fellow is an upstart; he has nothing to
+recommend him but his exceeding ugliness and his extreme inhospitality.
+Do you know, sir," he continued, addressing the conveyancer, "some
+ladies of my family paid him a visit the other day, and the brute--yes,
+sir, I say the brute--had the ill manners to send word by his attendant
+that His Highness was in the bath and would not be disturbed?"
+
+"I wonder," growled Mr. Trunk, "that, as the ladies had so much
+curiosity, they did not go and see him in his bath."
+
+"Well, the fact is," replied Mr. Parrot, "that they did try, but the
+monster would only just show them the tip of his nose."
+
+"He has become quite a nuisance to the neighbourhood," said Mr. Trunk.
+
+"I wonder," observed the conveyancer, "if the Alderman could put him
+down?"
+
+"Put _him_ down!" growled Trunk again; "the fellow's too fat. You might
+as well try to put down a whale!"
+
+"Then what can _we_ do?" said the conveyancer. "Could we manage to drown
+him in his bath?"
+
+"A likely idea!" returned the great merchant. "Do you not know that the
+fellow lives half his life in the water, and can swim as well as a
+fish?"
+
+"Can we bring an action for ejectment?" suggested Mr. Starling. "Can we
+not discover some flaw in his title-deeds?"
+
+"I wish you'd try," answered the merchant. And the result of this
+conspiracy against the offending Prince was, that Mr. Starling, by some
+means best known to himself, obtained a copy of the title-deeds he
+wanted, and soon picked two or three holes in them.
+
+This good news he quickly communicated to the City merchants, who were
+delighted beyond measure. An action was immediately commenced against
+Prince Ippo, who did not seem in the least concerned about it, but took
+his bath and drank his twenty bottles a-day as usual. The conveyancer
+met with but little opposition, and gained the day.
+
+Mr. Trunk and old Parrot were in raptures at the result. They warmly
+congratulated Mr. Starling, and the three conspirators rejoiced over a
+handsome dinner, which the great merchant gave on the occasion. But,
+alas! their delight was of short duration: the friends of Prince Ippo
+took up his cause, appealed against the decision, and after two trials,
+threw the case into Chancery.
+
+There it is likely to remain.
+
+[Illustration: MR. PORCUPINE'S STUDIO.]
+
+
+
+
+THE PORTRAIT-PAINTER.
+
+
+MANY years ago there lived a celebrated artist who became very famous
+for his portraits of the great men of the day. His name was Porcupine.
+It is recorded, that noblemen of the highest rank used to visit his
+studio, take luncheon with him, and honour him with their criticism.
+
+In his earlier time he was much patronised by two of the great nobility,
+both members of the Dilettante Society, who did much to bring the young
+artist into notice--these were the great Lord Forestking and the
+well-remembered Sir Hyde Jungle. His Lordship's patronage had, in the
+first instance, been solicited for Mr. Porcupine by an eccentric
+individual, a Mr. Munkey, a hanger-on of the aristocracy, who aped their
+manners, but who had little of his own. He had met with Porcupine in the
+country, had expressed great admiration at his peculiar talent, and
+promised, if he would visit London, to introduce him to the very first
+society. Mr. Porcupine, innocently believing him, left his country
+hedgerows, and took a garret in a back-street in London. It was here
+that Lord Forestking first visited him, and gave him the commission to
+paint his portrait.
+
+Porcupine generally had an old friend with him, whom he had long known
+in the country, who had come to see the town, and who lodged in the same
+house. His name was Dobbin.
+
+When Porcupine had made some advancement in the portrait, Lord
+Forestking and his friend, Sir Hyde, came one day to inspect it,
+attended by the ever meddling Mr. Munkey. His Lordship seated himself in
+a chair opposite the picture, and expressed himself very much satisfied
+with the likeness, declaring, that he never before knew that he was so
+handsome a fellow.
+
+"The portrait is--ah--very well, and the painting is--ah--admirable,"
+said Sir Hyde; "but do not you think--ah--that the nose is a _leetle_
+too long? and are you sure," addressing Porcupine, "that the left eye is
+not--ah--slightly awry?"
+
+"I have not remarked it," returned Mr. Porcupine, meekly.
+
+"The colouring is excellent; but--ah--'pon my honour, I never saw his
+Lordship wear a coat of that tint; and do not you think the hair is
+_rayther_ darker than his Lordship's?"
+
+"Perhaps," suggested Mr. Porcupine, "you would see it better in another
+light;" and he immediately moved the easel.
+
+"Do you know," said Mr. Munkey to Mr. Dobbin--they were at the other end
+of the room--"Sir Hyde Jungle is esteemed one of our finest critics in
+the arts? He has visited most of the great Continental galleries, and
+can tell you the dimensions of every celebrated picture, and the exact
+spot on which it is hung."
+
+"How _can_ one individual be the possessor of so much learning!" said
+Dobbin. "I cannot even remember the dimensions of the common in my
+native village, though I have been round it often and often."
+
+"Oh! Sir Hyde is, as you remark, a possessor of great learning. He
+studies anatomy too, and is very fond of dissecting all kinds of
+animals. I am told that no professor at St. Bartholomew's can do it more
+rapidly."
+
+"What a wonderful individual!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"Ah! now that I see it better," said the Baronet, "I think the hair as
+near right as it can be; but--ah--you have given his Lordship
+two--ah--curls on the left temple, which I do not think his Lordship
+ever has."
+
+"Would your Lordship wish to have them taken out?" inquired Porcupine.
+
+"'Pon honour, Sir Hyde," said his Lordship, "I really think the
+portrait is a very good one; and I like those two curls so much, that
+I'll make my barber give them to me to-morrow morning."
+
+"I perfectly agree with your Lordship," replied the connoisseur; "and if
+Mr. Porcupine will but attend to the suggestions I have thrown out, this
+picture will make his fortune;" and the learned critic began to put on
+his gloves and seek his hat.
+
+The Lord and the Baronet wished the artist good morning, and, with their
+attendant, departed.
+
+Poor Porcupine threw himself into his chair, and gazed wistfully at the
+picture. His first thought was to thrust his foot through the canvass,
+but the word "suggestions" and "make his fortune" rang in his ears, and
+he burst into a long loud laugh.
+
+"He is very learned, that Sir Hyde Jungle," observed his friend, Mr.
+Dobbin, at the conclusion of the laugh.
+
+"A very learned man," said Porcupine.
+
+"And did he not promise to make your fortune?"
+
+"He did," replied the artist; "and if he can he may."
+
+The next time Sir Hyde saw the portrait, he thought the nose and the
+eyes were quite right--the tone of colour on the coat admirable--and the
+hair marvellously exact. The day after, Lady Jungle and several friends
+came to see the picture, and one gave Mr. Porcupine a commission for a
+portrait of her darling Wilhelmina. A rush of orders followed, and the
+great Sir Hyde Jungle did what the artist never believed, he kept his
+promise, and, by his wonderful talk, made Mr. Porcupine's fortune.
+
+
+
+
+THE STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE EXHIBITION.
+
+A STORY. BY POLICEMAN X X.
+
+
+ONE night as I was a-going my rounds, seeing that all things were right,
+I felt so tired and drowsy that I could hardly keep awake; so, when I
+came to the Stuffed Animals, I lay down on the bench there to rest
+myself. I have heard of many marvellous things, but nothing that ever I
+knew of equals the story I am going to tell you.
+
+I had not been lying on the bench five minutes--not more than ten
+minutes certainly--when I heard a confused noise as if a crowd of
+visitors had been let into the building. You may be sure I was
+astonished, but fancying there might be something in the wind, I kept
+still and breathed very softly. Presently a large party came into the
+passage where the Stuffed Animals were, and you may imagine how I did
+stare--sure enough they were a lot of the beasts from the Zoological
+Gardens. But the most curious thing was, that many of them were dressed
+just like Christians. First came the big Elephant, putting me in mind,
+for all the world, of Mr. Trunk, the great City merchant; then the
+Hippopotamus, with a fez cap on exactly like the Abyssinian prince,
+Ippo, that was in the Exhibition a few days before; then a Kangaroo,
+with a smart bonnet and shawl, in the same style as Mrs. Jumper's; then
+a Wild Boar, looking like a country lout in a smock-frock; then a
+Beaver, no better dressed than one of our navvies, and who stamped on
+the Cat's toes, and made her squeak out so shrilly, that she made my
+ears tingle; then came a Parroquet, dressed like a dandy, and with him
+were two fashionable birds, Miss Cockatoo and Miss Snowy Owl; then
+followed an old Crocodile, looking like one of those withered Indian
+nurses, and in her arms she carried a young Frog that might have been an
+Indian baby. Besides these, there was a young Monkey, exactly like my
+brother's boy, Jack; a Mouse, dressed in the last-fashioned paletôt; and
+a little thing that for a long time I could make nothing of, but I fancy
+they call her a Duck-billed Platypus.
+
+To have heard the remarks these animals made on their stuffed
+fellow-creatures would have made me die of laughter, but that I felt
+rather frightened and uncomfortable at my position so near them. The
+young Indian clapped his hands when he saw the two Frogs a-shaving, and
+the Snowy Owl flew up to see if the Great Horned Owl above her was
+really stuffed or not. The Cat seemed very much inclined to jump at the
+young Partridges; and the Mouse, dapper as he was, shrank back with
+fear when he caught sight of the Martins and Weasels.
+
+At length Dent's clock struck four. The noise seemed to frighten them
+away; for, when I jumped up, and rubbed my eyes, they were all gone, nor
+could I make out by which door they left.
+
+When I reported all this to my inspector, the only rewards I got were,
+to be told I had been dreaming, and to have my night's allowance of
+porter stopped for a fortnight.
+
+[Illustration: THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION.]
+
+[Illustration: LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON GUESTS.]
+
+
+
+
+ALDERMAN GOBBLE'S AMBITION.
+
+
+NOT many years since, Mr. Alderman Gobble was a famous member of the
+Corporation of the City of London. No one was more esteemed at the great
+Guildhall feasts than he was. No one, at Christmas time, was more
+constant at the Mansion-House dinners, where he was invariably placed at
+the head of the table, close by the Lord Mayor.
+
+Mr. Gobble was born in Norfolk, at one of those fine old-fashioned
+farm-houses so frequently met with in that county, and was often heard
+to tell the tale of his first coming to London, on a bitterly cold day,
+when the whole country was covered with snow, on the top of the
+"Telegraph" coach. It was Christmas-Eve, in the year 1815, and the roof
+was crowded with such piles of turkeys, geese, hares, and pheasants,
+that he always said he had preserved an affection for them throughout
+his life.
+
+Some few years after his arrival in London, Mr. Gobble became a member
+of the Worshipful Company of Poulterers, and shortly afterwards he was
+elected Common-councilman by a great majority of the voters, who, to
+show their approbation of his excellence, invited him to a handsome
+dinner at Poulterers' Hall. In due time, the Common-councilman became an
+Alderman; and it was at a grand ball given on the occasion, that he fell
+in love with Miss Owlet, the daughter of a magistrate very celebrated
+for his wisdom. The wedding was attended by all the great City people;
+and after this union Mr. Gobble had the satisfaction of becoming the
+most popular member of the Corporation, and was more frequently than
+ever seen at the Corporation dinners.
+
+But the Alderman's ambition did not rest satisfied with municipal
+honours. He read the debates in the House of Commons, until he thought
+he could speak as well as most of them, and aspired to become a member
+of Parliament. In this laudable desire, he was greatly abetted by his
+beloved spouse, who was deeply impressed with the conviction that he
+would be one of the most eloquent members of the House.
+
+It happened that, about this time, the borough of Woodside became
+vacant. Mr. Rabbetson, the member, while on a visit to Earl Falcon, the
+owner of half the village of Woodside, was accidentally killed by his
+Lordship while they were out together for a day's sport.
+
+The Alderman no sooner heard of the accident than he flew home to his
+wife, and told her of the opportunity that had offered itself. By the
+next night's mail, Mr. and Mrs. Gobble travelled down to Woodside, and,
+on the following day, they hired a carriage and rode over to Lord
+Falcon's mansion. The servants at the gate said that his Lordship was
+too ill to see company; but, at the Alderman's pressing entreaty, their
+cards were taken, and soon afterwards they were ushered into the lofty
+apartments of Woodside Hall, and through the library into the Earl's
+private garden. There they found his Lordship walking up and down the
+terrace, evidently in a most unamiable state of mind. Mrs. Gobble drew
+back when she saw his fierce looks; and the Alderman, taking off his
+hat, seemed undecided whether it would not be advisable to beat a
+retreat before his Lordship ate them both up, for so he seemed inclined
+to do. At last Mr. Gobble told his errand, and solicited the favour of
+his Lordship's interest. If Earl Falcon was angry before, he was enraged
+to madness now; he screamed at his visitors, stamped his feet, and
+rushed at them, cane in hand, so impetuously, that the intruders flew
+away with all the haste they could, regained their carriage, and took a
+post-chaise back to London without delay.
+
+Alderman Gobble returned to town sadder, but wiser; and was never
+afterwards heard to talk of the honour of being a member of Parliament.
+
+As for the borough of Woodside, Lord Falcon gave to Mr. Weesel, the
+family lawyer, who, report said, was somehow the cause of the death of
+poor Mr. Rabbetson.
+
+
+
+
+MRS. STRUTT'S SEMINARY.
+
+
+THE bells of Farmfield's Church rang merrily when young Mr. Strutt
+married his neighbour's daughter, Miss Waddle. The school-children had a
+holiday, and the labourers at all the farms in the village dined off
+roast beef and plum-pudding. Young Mr. Strutt had passed the College of
+Surgeons, and set up in practice in London, in a new and fashionable
+neighbourhood at the West End; that is, he had hired two rooms in a
+respectable-looking house, and bargained to have his name on a great
+brass plate on the door. But neither his wedding nor his brass plate
+brought him any patients; and after a two years' trial, Mr. Strutt
+retired from the profession in disgust.
+
+It luckily happened that Mrs. Strutt's papa, Mr. Waddle, determined that
+his daughter should receive a _superior_ education, had sent her to a
+very distinguished seminary, where young ladies were taught the most
+wonderful accomplishments by the very first masters; but where,
+unfortunately, they did not include the art of making apple-dumplings.
+
+As Mrs. Strutt had no children of her own, she now determined to devote
+her acquirements to the benefit of the children of other people. So Mr.
+and Mrs. Strutt opened an "Academy for Young Ladies and Gentlemen" at
+Kentish Town; and, as good fortune would have it, they were soon
+intrusted with the care of half-a-dozen "boarders," who brought their
+own forks and spoons, and were the children of very genteel parents, at
+least so Mrs. Strutt told her visitors.
+
+One thing must be said, that both master and mistress were very kind and
+attentive to their young charges; and if they did not teach them much,
+it was simply because they did not know how.
+
+One fine summer's afternoon they all went together for a ramble in the
+Highgate Fields. The elder Master Hawke took his drum, and the younger
+had Mrs. Strutt's parasol; Miss Duckling's two brother's had a kite and
+a boat; and Charley Lighthair a whirligig. They flew the kite high up
+till they could hardly see it, and sent card-messengers of every colour
+up to it: they swam their boat in the pond; and when it sailed beyond
+their reach, Mr. Strutt pulled it back with his walking-cane: they ran
+races across the meadows, and tried to see who could get over the stiles
+first; and then when they were hot and tired, they all sat under the
+shade of the great elm-trees, and Mr. Strutt told them the following
+anecdote:--
+
+"Many years ago, as I was passing through the country town where I
+lived, my attention was drawn to a great crowd of people assembled round
+some apparently very amusing objects. Led by curiosity, I mixed in with
+them; and what did I behold but a fellow whom I had long known, named
+Bruin, teaching a monkey to perform all kinds of tricks? The animal
+stood on his head, and, with his hind feet, threw sticks up into the
+air; then he leaped on Mr. Bruin's head, and balanced himself on one
+hand, and jumped over the heads of the spectators; among whom, I
+remember, were my neighbours, Mrs. Kangaroo and her daughter; my
+shoemaker, old Pidgeon, and his little girl; Shark the lawyer; Mrs.
+Whinchat the milliner; a fellow named Ratt, who had been twenty times
+taken up for thieving; and the poulterer's son, Bill Goose. I wish you
+had been with them to have seen how Bruin made Jocko the monkey dance,
+and how all these folks laughed. They capered about finely to get out of
+his way; but at last Jocko jumped from his master's head on to Mrs.
+Whinchat's back, tore off her bonnet, and in two seconds put it on the
+head of little Miss Kangaroo. Oh, how the crowd shouted! Bruin tried to
+beat the animal, but he laughed too much to be able to catch him; and
+Jocko, pleased at his own performance, jumped on to Ratt's back, and the
+rascal ran half way down the street before the monkey would dismount.
+Bruin ran after them, and so great was the crowd that pursued, that he
+was glad to hide both himself and Jocko in an inn-yard."
+
+The young ones all laughed famously at this story; and then, as it was
+near tea-time, they set off home, where they had, for a treat, hot toast
+for tea, and a game at forfeits afterwards.
+
+So Mr. and Mrs. Strutt got on much better with the Seminary than the
+Surgery; and it is said that after a few years they had more than fifty
+boarders who used often to take rambles in the Highgate Meadows.
+
+
+London:--Printed by G. BARCLAY, Castle St. Leicester Sq.
+
+[Illustration: THE WALK TO HIGHGATE.]
+
+[Illustration: THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN.]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Comical People, by Unknown
+
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+    <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" />
+    <title>
+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of Comical People, by Unknown.
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Comical People, by Unknown
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Comical People
+
+Author: Unknown
+
+Illustrator: J. J. Grandville
+
+Release Date: November 6, 2007 [EBook #23352]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COMICAL PEOPLE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+University of Florida, The Internet Archive/Children's
+Library)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_i" id="Page_i">[i]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 306px;">
+<img src="images/fcover.jpg" width="306" height="400" alt="Cover: COMICAL PEOPLE" title="Cover: COMICAL PEOPLE" />
+</div>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_ii" id="Page_ii">[ii]</a></span></p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h1>COMICAL PEOPLE</h1>
+
+<div class='center'>ILLUSTRATED</div>
+
+<h3>WITH SIXTEEN PICTURES</h3>
+
+<div class='center'>
+TAKEN FROM THE EMBROIDERED TAPESTRY CONTRIBUTED<br />
+BY MARIA FUSINATA, OF BELLUNO,<br />
+TO THE GREAT EXHIBITION.<br />
+<br /><br /><br /><br /></div>
+
+<h2>Drawn and Grouped from the Designs</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>OF<br />
+
+J. J. GRANDVILLE.<br />
+
+<br /><br />
+LONDON:<br />
+DAVID BOGUE, 86 FLEET STREET.<br />
+MDCCCLII.<br /></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a name="lady" id="lady"></a>
+<img src="images/frontis.jpg" width="600" height="378" alt="Lady Chaffinch&#39;s Ball" title="Lady Chaffinch&#39;s Ball" />
+<span class="caption">LADY CHAFFINCH&#39;S BALL</span>
+</div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_iii" id="Page_iii">[iii]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>CONTENTS.</h2>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Contents">
+<tr><td align='right' colspan='2'><small>PAGE</small></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Lady Chaffinch's Ball</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Lord of the Manor</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_13">13</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">My Neighbours. A Country Story. By Warren Rabbitt</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_17">17</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The De Mousas. A Tale</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_27">27</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Rookwood Hall</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_33">33</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">City People</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_37">37</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Portrait-Painter</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_41">41</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Stuffed Animals in the Exhibition</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_46">46</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Alderman Gobble's Ambition</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_49">49</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Mrs. Strutt's Seminary</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_53">53</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_iv" id="Page_iv">[iv]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS.</h2>
+
+
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="List of Ilustrations">
+<tr><td align='right' colspan='2'><small>PAGE</small></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Lady Chaffinch's Ball</span> (<i>Double Plate</i>)</td><td align='right'><a href="#lady"><i>Frontispiece</i></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Great Mr. Grandboy and the Hon. Mrs. Delmacare</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_5">5</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Lady Zebu and Admiral Macaw</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_7">7</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Poacher</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_13">13</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Duel between Mr. Chanticleer and young Leverett</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_17">17</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Mr. Leverett's Interview with Sharpe Vulture, Esq.</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_23">23</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Arrest of Mr. Chanticleer</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_25">25</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The De Mousas</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_27">27</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Marriage Settlement</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_33">33</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Mr. Trunk and his Advisers</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_37">37</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Mr. Porcupine's Studio</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_41">41</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Strange Visitors at the Exhibition</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_47">47</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">Lord Falcon and his London Visitors</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_49">49</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Walk to Highgate</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_53">53</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Travelling Showman</span></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_55">55</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[v]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>PREFACE.</h2>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Among</span> the contributions to the Great Exhibition which,
+from their position, did not acquire that popularity and
+praise which was due to them, were some fine specimens
+of embroidery from Vienna and various towns in Austria.</div>
+
+<p>Hung high up, beyond the glance of the casual observer,
+the elaborately-worked tapestry of Maria Fusinata attracted
+little attention. Those, however, who had the good fortune
+to notice it were always delighted with the excellent adaptation
+of the clever designs of Grandville, which the embroiderer
+had so faithfully rendered. The expression of
+the animals was most cleverly given, and the brightness of
+the colours added much to the effect of the compositions.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vi" id="Page_vi">[vi]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Had Ploucquet added some of these designs to his "Reynard
+the Fox," he would have increased the attraction of
+his show, deservedly popular as it was. Grandville, in these
+delineations of the faculties of animals, is quite equal to
+Kaulbach; and, though the French artist had not the honour
+of having his pictures copied in stuffed animals, they are
+thought to be quite worthy of being formed into a volume
+as a sequel to the "Comical Creatures from Wurtemberg."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL.</h2>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Heigh-ho!</span> well, I am at home again at last. I wonder
+if I am the same innocent little Linnet that left these bowers
+only three months ago. What have I seen, where have I
+been?&mdash;or rather, What have I not seen, where have I not
+been? I have visited China and Peru, Nova Scotia,
+Trinidad, and Tuscany; I have been to Sweden, Egypt,
+Germany, and Mexico, and I have some recollections of
+Sardinia, and the United States. This is good travelling
+for three months, is it not?</div>
+
+<p>Let me think: how shall I tell you about it? I will
+begin at the beginning&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Three months ago, as I was sitting in our summer-house,
+warbling one of my newest songs, our page Tom&mdash;Tom-tit
+we call him, he is such a funny little fellow&mdash;brought me a
+letter that had just been left by the postboy.</p>
+
+<p>I have it by heart.</p>
+
+<p>"My dear little Songbird,"&mdash;this is a name they gave to
+me from my infancy, for they say I could sing before I could<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span>
+speak,&mdash;"My dear little Songbird," thus the letter began,
+"All the world is coming to London this spring to see the
+most wonderful of sights; try and persuade my dear sister,
+that kind Mamma of yours, to let you pay your long-promised
+visit to me. You must come in May, and you may stay with
+me as long as you can bear to be away from your delightful
+home. Let me know when I may expect you.</p>
+
+<div class='right'>
+<span style="margin-right: 3em;">"Your loving Aunt,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-right: 1em;">"<span class="smcap">Jenny Goldfinch</span>."</span><br />
+</div>
+
+<p>And I remember that the envelope was addressed,
+"Lady Linnet, Gorse Bush, Somersetshire;" and that in
+the left-hand corner there was written, "For Miss Linnet."</p>
+
+<p>Did not I fly to my "kind Mamma" as soon as I had read
+this note, and when she had consented that I should go to
+see that dear old Aunt of mine in London, did not I half
+smother her with kisses. I thought the first of May would
+never come,&mdash;but it did; and Tom-tit was sent to London
+with me by the railway to take care of me.</p>
+
+<p>My good Aunt received me with the greatest kindness,
+and her son Drinkwater, one of the handsomest young fellows
+I ever saw in my life, began whispering compliments to me
+as soon as ever we were left together. I had a lovely
+little boudoir entirely for my own use, and my page Tom-tit
+had nothing else to do but wait on me. My cousin Drinkwater<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span>
+and I were soon great friends; he took me to the
+Opera, where I listened to singing such as I had never heard
+at Gorse Bush; he took me to the Chiswick F&ecirc;te, where I
+saw flowers such as I had never dreamed of; and he took me&mdash;how
+many times? well, I can't recollect&mdash;to that dear, delightful
+Crystal Palace, where we visited more foreign countries
+than I knew of in my Geography, and where we often found
+ourselves quite alone, looking at those charming seeds from
+the West India Islands; and where we enjoyed some of the
+most delightful days of all our lives,&mdash;at least, Drinkwater
+said so; and I think I must say so too.</p>
+
+<p>Every one has been to the Crystal Palace, so it is of no use
+talking about the Koh-i-noor, or the fierce-looking Amazon,
+or the beautiful Veiled Vestal, or the Greek Slave, or those
+terrible-looking owls or funny foxes, or the other Comical
+Creatures that came from Wurtemberg. I will, therefore,
+tell you how we amused ourselves when we were not inclined
+to have our brains bewildered.</p>
+
+<p>First, let me inform you that my cousin, who was born in
+London, knows all the grand people by sight, and bows to a
+great many of them. You may imagine what a treat it was
+to me, who had lived in a country village all my life, to see
+with my own eyes His Royal Highness the Prince, or His
+Grace the Duke, or Her Grace the Duchess, or His Excellency
+the Marquis, or the Most Noble the Marchioness, pass by in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span>
+their grand carriages. How I used to stand on tip-toe to
+get a glimpse of their faces over the people's heads, and how
+Drinkwater used to laugh at me.</p>
+
+<p>One morning we were walking in Hyde Park, amusing
+ourselves in the usual way, when Drinkwater whispered to
+me hurriedly, "Here come a great Lion and Lioness." You
+may imagine my sensations. Bewildered with terror, I was
+about to leave him, and fly; but when I turned with trembling
+limbs and looked in the direction he pointed out, I saw that
+these fearful creatures appeared quite harmless: in fact, the
+great Lion, though he looked very magnificent, was quietly
+smoking a cigar; and except that the Lioness stared very
+fiercely, and wore spurs, and carried a riding-whip, I really
+don't think I should have known that she was a Lioness.
+A little Tiger, leading the Lioness's horse, followed them at
+a short distance.</p>
+
+<p>I noticed that every one made way for these important
+members of society, who, indeed, seemed to think the earth
+hardly good enough for them to walk upon; but when they
+had passed by, I heard the people say, "That's the great
+Mr. Grandboy. He is one of our celebrated Lions. He is
+a perfect literary Beau Brummel; the author of several
+novels, that have been read prodigiously; he composes
+operas, sets the fashion of the cravat, and, they say, writes
+leaders for 'The Times.'"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 333px;">
+<img src="images/i001.jpg" width="333" height="400" alt="THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE." title="THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE." />
+<span class="caption">THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE.</span>
+</div>
+<p>"And who, pray, is the Lioness?"</p>
+
+<p>"That is the Hon. Mrs. Delmacare. She writes novels,
+too, follows the hounds, and often whips her Tiger."</p>
+
+<p>Such were the remarks of the crowd.</p>
+
+<p>Drinkwater told me that some of these Lions and Lionesses
+do most extraordinary things, and that people run after them
+and invite them to the most costly entertainments, where they
+are expected to amuse the guests by their roars. I am glad
+I am not a Lioness.</p>
+
+<p>When I had somewhat recovered from the agitation caused
+by this rencontre, Drinkwater persuaded me to take a walk
+to St. James's Park, to see those charming ducks, and the
+black swans, and the queer little creatures that dive so prettily.
+We passed under the arch with the great horse on the top.
+I asked my cousin if he knew what country such horses were
+found in, but he could not tell me, and we walked on and
+soon came to the Queen's Palace.</p>
+
+<p>Here let me take breath;&mdash;just at the very moment we
+reached the gateway, out rolled the royal carriage, and in it,
+to our great happiness, we beheld her Most Gracious Majesty
+the Queen, and His Royal Highness the Prince Albert; and
+with them were those dear children, the Princess Royal and
+the Prince of Wales&mdash;Heaven bless them! How I did long
+to kiss them both. When the last wheel of the royal carriage
+was quite out of sight, we turned to look at the palace that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span>
+the Queen lived in, and Drinkwater pointed out to me the
+funniest creature that ever I saw standing on a pedestal by
+the gate. He said it was a Unicorn, and that it was put
+there on purpose to make the Queen laugh. After we had
+counted the thousand and one windows in the front of the
+Palace, we strolled along the pleasant path by the little lake,
+and watched the children as they came with cakes in their
+hands to feed those greedy geese, that seemed as if they would
+gobble up cakes, and children, and all.</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width: 335px;">
+<img src="images/i002.jpg" width="335" height="400" alt="LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW." title="LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW." />
+<span class="caption">LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW.</span>
+</div>
+<p>While we were resting ourselves on a seat under the trees,
+some distant relations of ours, the Sparrowes of Evryware,
+passed by. It was well they did not see us, for some of them
+know me, and I must confess that I should not like to have
+been seen speaking to such shabby, ill-looking fellows. I
+wonder what their relations in the country would have said,
+had they seen them in such wretched condition. Their coats
+were torn, one of them had lost part of his tail, and their faces
+looked as if they had not been washed since the last shower
+of rain. Fearing lest the Sparrowes should return and discover
+us, I asked Drinkwater to take the ferry-boat to the
+other side; and just as we landed we had the pleasure of
+seeing the great Lord Bison introduce his sister, Lady
+Dorothy Zebu, to the renowned Admiral Macaw. You
+should have seen the polite bow of the admiral, and the
+delightful curtsey of the lady. I was charmed beyond expression.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span>
+Lord Bison has a fine military air; they say he
+fought many battles on the American prairies. Lady Dorothy,
+who has just come from India, has, on the contrary, a mild,
+benignant countenance, and, I am told, is very religious. The
+admiral was covered with gold, and purple, and scarlet, and
+looked for all the world like one of his namesakes in that
+beautiful place, the Zoological Gardens.</p>
+
+<p>This was one of my most eventful days in London, and
+I shall long remember it.</p>
+
+<p>But now I must tell you of that evening&mdash;shall I confess
+it? the happiest evening of my life&mdash;when Drinkwater and I
+went to Lady Chaffinch's ball. My Aunt was too indisposed
+to accompany us; she therefore called her son, and told him
+to take great care of me, as much as if I were his own sister.
+I have an idea that if my dear Aunt knew all, she would have
+said that he rather exceeded his instructions; but never mind,
+he took great care of me.</p>
+
+<p>The carriage came for us at ten o'clock, when, had I
+been at Gorse Bush, I should have been fast asleep on my
+perch,&mdash;as Drinkwater says, for he loves to plague me about
+being a Linnet. My Cousin was beautifully attired; he wore
+a most superb cravat, of a deep ruby colour, and an under-waistcoat
+of the brightest amber; but, in fact, he always
+attracts admiration; and I think, without vanity, that I looked
+extremely well in the new brown dress I took with me from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span>
+home. At a quarter past ten we entered Lady Chaffinch's
+ball-room, and, for a moment, I was perfectly bewildered;
+indeed, Drinkwater had to apologise to our hostess for my
+strange behaviour by saying I was not quite well. However,
+her ladyship, whom I had often seen in the country, was very
+kind to me, led me to a seat, and began asking after her old
+friends. This soon brought me to my senses; and after a
+little while I could bear to look at the dazzling chandeliers,
+the magnificent pier-glasses, and the splendidly-dressed
+people, without being giddy at the sight. Soon after our
+arrival, the band commenced playing, and some of the company
+arranged themselves for a dance. Old Sir Cayman
+Alligator, an East-Indian Director, led out the graceful Lady
+Caroline Giraffe, who, I must say, deserved the praise young
+Nightingale bestowed upon her, when he said, she was one of
+"Nature's nobility." I could not but admire her large, full
+eyes, which looked at you so tenderly, and the gentle bending
+of her beautiful neck; and then, what a contrast she was to
+her horrid-looking partner! I suppose he must be very rich,
+or I cannot think why Lady Chaffinch should have invited
+him. Opposite to them stood young Lord Crowe, a younger
+brother of the noble Earl of Ravenskind, and with him was
+the Honourable Miss Pigeon. Lord Crowe is a good-looking
+fellow, rather dark, it must be confessed; but as he wears
+glasses, he looks very interesting. They say that his brother,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span>
+the Earl, has picked up his great wealth in a most unaccountable
+manner, and that the whole family have a singular want
+of discrimination in the meaning of the words <i>meum</i> and <i>tuum</i>.
+His partner, who had a nice, dove-coloured dress on, appeared
+very desirous of pleasing the young Lord, and I thought they
+seemed very happy together. The other couples were Sir
+Hector Downcharge, of Kennelhouse, a great sportsman,
+who came in his militia uniform, and Miss Pie, the daughter
+of the celebrated Mrs. Margaret, or Mag Pie, as her neighbours
+call her. And opposite to them were a Mr. Puddock,
+a person connected with the City, who, through the death
+of a relative, has just come into possession of a fine marshy
+estate among the Lincolnshire Fens; and Miss Lavinia
+Greyhound, who, as all the world knows, was a long time
+engaged to young Hare, who ran away from her in a very
+shameful way, and hurt her feelings so much that she did
+not appear again in public for several months.</p>
+
+<p>Drinkwater and I stood aside, and entertained ourselves
+with quiet remarks to each other, not always complimentary
+to the company. He thought Miss Pie the prettiest of the
+dancers, and certainly she was sweetly dressed, and looked
+very well. Her partner, Sir Hector, was, without doubt, the
+handsomest of the gentlemen, though he appeared to me to
+give himself airs, like an overfed spaniel that has been too
+much petted, and to lounge about in a way not at all becoming<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>
+a lady's ball-room. The little fellow from the City, his
+<i>vis-&agrave;-vis</i>, was a very different person&mdash;he seemed determined
+to let us all know that he had lately been taking twelve
+dancing-lessons of Madame Hopper, for he turned his toes
+out in the most <i>elegant</i> way, and was evidently quite impressed
+with a belief that he was astonishing the spectators with his
+surprising agility. The very tie of his cravat made Drinkwater
+nearly die with suppressed laughter; and when the
+youth began dancing, we were obliged to take a walk into
+the adjoining Conservatory, lest our merriment should be
+discovered. I never knew a more delightful place than this
+Conservatory; the flowers in it are brighter than I have seen
+elsewhere; and some that Drinkwater gathered for me were
+far sweeter than any I had ever known before. We staid
+sometime in this Conservatory looking at the beautiful exotics,
+and talking of <i>nothing</i> else but of them and the weather;
+and it was not till we had been there more than half-an-hour
+that I discovered that we were quite alone. We immediately
+returned to the ball-room, where, luckily, our absence had not
+been discovered, and in a few minutes were whirling round
+in a most delightful waltz.</p>
+
+<p>But I have forgotten the rest of the company. Foremost
+in dignity was the Countess Auk, of Stornaway Rock, in
+the Hebrides; and with her were her two nieces, Lady Isabella
+Snipe and the Honourable Miss Woodcock. I saw Mr.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span>
+Reynard, the celebrated member for Hollowoak, having a long
+gossip with the Countess and her young charges, for both of
+whom he seemed to profess great admiration. Mr. Jay, the
+member for Chatterfield, was likewise there, and paid a good
+deal of attention, I thought, to the Honourable Miss Dove, a
+cousin of Miss Pigeon's. Miss Dove plays very nicely, and
+sometimes, when the band required rest, she rattled off a
+waltz in fine style, Mr. Jay most attentively turning the
+music-leaves.</p>
+
+<p>Drinkwater also pointed out to me Miss Stork, the
+daughter of the Attorney-General, so famous for the length of
+his bill; Miss Blaccap, who, they say, sings as sweetly as a
+Robin-Redbreast; Lord Bruin, who has just come from a
+tour in Russia; the Right Honourable Mr. Ramshead; and
+a crowd of folks, more or less known, most of whom <i>would</i>
+stand by the doorway and prevent the servants and the fresh
+air from entering the room.</p>
+
+<p>About three o'clock the Countess of Auk's carriage was
+summoned, and the company began to retire. Drinkwater
+and I stood shivering on the stairs full half-an-hour before
+Lady Goldfinch's brougham was announced; and when we
+reached home, I found I had been fast asleep with my head
+on Drinkwater's shoulder.</p>
+
+<p>Ten days after Lady Chaffinch's ball, I was obliged to
+tear myself away from my kind aunt and my dear cousin,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span>
+and with only Tom-tit for my companion, to return to this
+dismal Gorse Bush, which I used to think the sweetest of
+homes. Now I do nothing but wonder how long it will be
+before my aunt invites me to London again. Tom-tit brings
+me letters from the post-boy much oftener than before, and
+were it not for them, I do not think I could bear my
+existence.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>This is the substance of some letters I have lately received
+from my dear friend, Julia Linnet. She is a warm-hearted
+little thing, easily led away by her enthusiasm. At first, I
+was afraid she would pine away with melancholy; but all
+my uneasiness was dispelled a few mornings since, when a
+lace-bordered envelope reached me, enclosing two cards tied
+together with silver-cord, on one of which was written,&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/card.jpg" width="300" height="188" alt="Mr. Drinkwater Goldfinch Furze Park" title="Mr. Drinkwater Goldfinch Furze Park" />
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>THE LORD OF THE MANOR.</h2>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 333px;">
+<img src="images/i003.jpg" width="333" height="400" alt="THE POACHER." title="THE POACHER." />
+<span class="caption">THE POACHER.</span>
+</div>
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Sir Vane Peacock</span> was the owner of large estates in
+Cumberland, and a great game preserver. His tenantry were
+bound to protect all the hares, partridges, and pheasants that
+fed on their young corn; and, in return, Sir Vane entertained
+them once a-year with a dinner of roast mutton and potatoes,
+when good luck enabled them to bring their rents on Old
+Michaelmas-day. A great personage was Sir Vane Peacock.
+He was the possessor of two thousand acres of the richest
+arable land in the county, besides his own park and grounds,
+of a hundred and twenty acres, well covered with fine trees.
+Sir Vane would have been happy but for one circumstance:
+he could not prevent the village poachers from destroying his
+game. It was in vain that he employed keepers and offered
+rewards for every depredator they apprehended or <i>killed;</i>
+year after year rolled by, and still Sir Vane's great struggle
+in life was to preserve his partridges. Sir Vane was a county
+magistrate, and it may be imagined how summarily he dealt
+with all offenders brought before him. In one year, two<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>
+young fellows, named Martin and Weesel, both belonging to
+the village, were shot by his keepers, Martin in the leg and
+Weesel in the back, because they were found near a rabbit-warren
+at a suspicious hour in the evening; and an old fellow,
+whom they called Horny Owl, was so severely beaten on
+the head by one of the Baronet's men, that he only lived
+two days afterwards. Old Horny was concealed in the trunk
+of a hollow oak, and was found there with no less than three
+young partridges in his possession, which he pleaded he was
+about to take home for his little ones' supper. But Sir Vane
+could never catch the rascals who did the most mischief: one
+was a notorious character, known as Bill Kite; the others a
+family of brothers, whose name was Lurcher. These were too
+old at the sport, and too cunning, to let the keepers get near
+them, and it is believed they made a very excellent living out
+of Sir Vane's game-preserves.</div>
+
+<p>Among the Baronet's tenantry was a Mr. Pointer, a
+thoroughly well-bred individual, who lived at a farm close
+by the park, and who generally accompanied Sir Vane on his
+shooting-excursions. Mr. Pointer had but one son, named
+Carlo, with whose training he had taken much pains, and
+at an early age Carlo promised soon to know as much about
+field matters as his worthy father. But Carlo had one failing
+which his parent little dreamed of. On one occasion, when
+on a visit to a neighbouring farm, the youth had tasted a hare,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span>
+and ever afterwards he longed to regale himself again on
+such delightful food. One unlucky morning Carlo was
+rambling about his father's farm with a gun on his arm,
+merely to shoot the rooks and frighten away the sparrows,
+when a hare jumped out of her form and ran away straight
+before him. The opportunity was too tempting. Bang! went
+Carlo's gun, and poor pussy tumbled head over heels. Carlo
+looked round him with anxious glances, and fancying the coast
+was clear, took up his prize and put it in his pocket; but just
+as he was vaulting over a gate, Towser, the head-keeper at the
+park, emerged from behind the hedge, and, without a word,
+took Carlo's gun from his arm and the hare from his pocket.
+Carlo was no match for Towser, so he allowed himself to be
+led before the great Sir Vane without opposition. Towser
+related the whole of Carlo's terrible offence, which he had witnessed
+from behind the fence, and the indignant Sir Vane
+demanded the criminal's reply. Carlo assumed a bold and
+careless air; told the Baronet that he wished to have the hare
+for his dinner, and that he could see no harm in killing animals
+that were feeding on his father's corn. This enraged Sir Vane
+to such an extent that he started from his chair, seized the gun
+from Towser, and would certainly have shot Carlo on the spot,
+had not the youth sprung upon the Baronet, wrenched the gun
+out of his hands, and laid him sprawling on the floor. Towser
+ran to his master's assistance, and Carlo, without waiting for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span>
+his sentence, jumped through the open window into the garden,
+flew across the lawn with the speed of a greyhound, and quickly
+put forty long miles between himself and Peacock Hall.</p>
+
+<p>Ten days afterwards Carlo read in "The Sportsman's
+Chronicle" that, much to the regret of his family and a numerous
+circle of admiring friends, Sir Vane Peacock had died
+suddenly of apoplexy, brought on by a fall. Not a word was
+said about the cause of the accident; indeed the Baronet, on
+his deathbed, remembering that he himself had commenced the
+outrage, had expressly forbidden Towser to mention it, and
+Carlo thought that he might as well return home at once.</p>
+
+<p>Sir Vane Peacock left no children, and the estates descended
+to his cousin, Sir Java Peacock, who, fortunately for Carlo, had
+been too long a witness of the evils arising from game-preserving
+to wish to continue them. Immediately after taking
+possession, the new landlord sent a note round, informing
+every tenant on his estate that he was at perfect liberty to
+shoot or course all the game he found on his own farm.</p>
+
+<p>It is said that from that time Carlo dined off roast hare and
+currant-jelly at least once in every week for the remainder of
+his life.</p>
+
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>MY NEIGHBOURS.</h2>
+
+<h3>A COUNTRY STORY. BY WARREN RABBITT.</h3>
+<div class="figright" style="width: 331px;">
+<img src="images/i004.jpg" width="331" height="400" alt="THE DUEL." title="THE DUEL." />
+<span class="caption">THE DUEL.</span>
+</div>
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">In</span> a charming retreat, upon the borders of a wood in
+Gloucestershire, I once enjoyed the society of some friends,
+named Leverett, with whom I was very intimate. They seemed
+to be the happiest little family in the world, subsisted mostly
+on the produce of their farm, and always welcomed a neighbour
+like myself with great hospitality. I resided at that time at a
+pleasant place called the Sandpits, not far from their abode,
+and I often looked in as I passed by, for half an hour's chat
+with the old lady, or to ask Jack or his brother Bob to take a
+stroll with me in the woods. The father was remarkable for
+his extreme caution, seldom went far from home, and never
+meddled with other people's affairs. It would have been well
+had his sons followed his example; but then I should not have
+had this tale to tell.</div>
+
+<p>Close by us, at the largest farm-house in the county, there
+lived a Mr. Chanticleer, one of the proudest and most irritable
+fellows I ever had the misfortune to meet with. To see the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span>
+airs with which he strutted about his farm-yard, and drove
+all the ducks and geese flying to make way for him, often made
+Jack Leverett and myself laugh: but when he went out for a
+walk with his wife and daughters, his consequence appeared to
+be increased tenfold, and one wondered where the path was
+broad enough for him to walk upon.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Chanticleer was extremely jealous of any intrusion
+upon his property, and warned off every one who did but set
+foot on his land. Tom Leverett knew this well enough, and
+knew what a pugnacious and litigious fellow his neighbour was,
+so he ought to have been more careful than to give Chanticleer
+any ground of complaint. Tom, it appears, had a great taste
+for botany, and often rose early to indulge in his favourite
+pursuit. One morning, in the ardour of his search for some
+particular plant, Tom crept through the hedge into one of
+his neighbour's fields; and so much absorbed was he in the
+discovery of some sweet-tasting grass which he had never
+before met with, that he did not notice the approach of Mr.
+Chanticleer, until that worthy was close upon him.</p>
+
+<p>Chanticleer, it appears, always made a practice of rising
+early; but though Tom had distinguished his voice&mdash;so loud
+you might have heard it half a mile off&mdash;calling to the people
+in the farm-yard, he did not at all expect a visit from him in
+the particular field that he was examining.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, sir," said Mr. Chanticleer to Tom, in an authoritative<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span>
+tone as he came close up to him, "may I ask what
+brings you here?"</p>
+
+<p>"I am studying botany," replied Tom.</p>
+
+<p>"Studying fiddlesticks!" cried his neighbour; "what business
+have you in my fields?"</p>
+
+<p>"I have examined all the plants on our side," answered
+Tom, meekly.</p>
+
+<p>"Then go back and examine them again," cried Mr. Chanticleer,
+putting himself in a great passion, "and don't let me
+see you here any more!"</p>
+
+<p>"You need not be angry, sir," said Tom, "I have done no
+mischief."</p>
+
+<p>"Angry, sir! what do you mean by angry?" spluttered
+out the other. "I'll teach you to tell me I'm angry!" and so
+saying, he thrust Tom with all his force into the hedge.</p>
+
+<p>Luckily there was a gap there, and Tom was able to get
+through, and thus escape from any further insult. He heard
+Chanticleer's voice shouting after him; Tom did not stay
+to listen, but ran towards the wood as fast as his legs would
+carry him.</p>
+
+<p>It so happened, that just before Tom reached home he met
+Captain Bulldog, an old officer of the Guards, who had retired
+on half-pay, with an extra pension for the loss of one of his
+legs, which he had left on the field, and to him Tom recounted
+all the circumstances of the assault. The Captain immediately<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span>
+told Tom that he had but one course to pursue, which was, to
+call Chanticleer out. Tom did not at first understand this
+phrase; but, on its being explained to him, his knees knocked
+together, and he begged the Captain to say nothing more of
+the matter. But the Captain, who owed Chanticleer a grudge,
+insisted that Tom should place himself entirely in his hands,
+took the poor youth to his own house, and did not let him rest
+till Tom had fairly indited a challenge. This the Captain had
+the great satisfaction of delivering personally to Mr. Chanticleer,
+who turned very red in the face on reading it, and made
+some little attempts at an apology. These the Captain would
+not listen to, saying, the insult was too great for apologies;
+and Chanticleer was at last obliged to refer him to his friend,
+Sir Wiley Reynard, of Underwood, to arrange a meeting.</p>
+
+<p>Poor Tom! I think I see him now, as he came with his
+long face to tell me of the scrape he had got into.</p>
+
+<p>"I would stay at home," said the unfortunate youth, with
+tears in his eyes, "but that I am afraid of offending Captain
+Bulldog, who will, perhaps, challenge me himself, if I don't
+fight Chanticleer; and of the two enemies," added Tom, forcing
+a faint smile, "you know which I should prefer."</p>
+
+<p>Afterwards, Tom told me where the meeting was to be;
+and as I thought my young neighbour might want a friend, I
+determined to be near at hand.</p>
+
+<p>It was about six o'clock on a cold, grey, autumn morning,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span>
+that I concealed myself in a thicket by the side of Goose Common,
+and waited the arrival of the combatants. Captain Bulldog,
+with young Leverett by his side, were first on the field,
+and I could see that poor Tom shook in every limb. They
+did not wait long. A post-chaise soon came clattering
+along the road, and out of it jumped Sir Wiley Reynard, Doctor
+Crane, and Mr. Chanticleer. Sir Wiley and the Captain
+soon arranged the preliminaries, and Chanticleer walked boldly
+and jauntily to his post. Not so my friend. Poor Tom, fainthearted
+at all times, was now terrified to such a degree, that
+the Captain had absolutely to support him, or he would certainly
+have dropped. Presently, Sir Wiley gave the signal to
+fire; Tom complied at once, and sent his bullet flying somewhere
+above my head, about as wide of the mark as it well
+could be; and then, without waiting for the compliment of a
+return, off he started as fast as ever his legs carried him in his
+life, cleared the hedge at a bound, and ran straight into a thick
+wood. I nearly died with laughter, not only to see Tom run,
+but to behold the terrible look of the Captain, as he gazed
+after his flying friend; to watch the surprised and somewhat
+pleased look of Chanticleer, who seemed half inclined to fire
+after the fugitive; and to see the puzzled expression of Sir
+Wiley's face, and the comical grin on Dr. Crane's, as he tapped
+his box and offered the Baronet a pinch. After a few moments
+of silence, no one knowing what to do in such an unusual<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span>
+dilemma, the Captain walked up to Sir Wiley, and offered, if
+the Baronet were not satisfied, to fight either Mr. Chanticleer or
+the Baronet himself, whichever was preferred. But Sir Wiley
+replied very politely that he was perfectly satisfied with Captain
+Bulldog, and that he only regretted that the Captain should
+act for such a coward as Mr. Thomas Leverett. On this
+the Captain began abusing poor Tom so terribly, that I thought
+it best to beat a retreat and see after my runaway friend.
+When I arrived home I found him sitting in my little back-parlour,
+just as I expected. He had covered his face with his
+hands, and was crying bitterly. I comforted the poor fellow
+as well as I could, and did not give him the least grounds for
+suspecting that I had been a witness of his behaviour. In a
+little time he became calmer, and then he told me that the
+report of his own pistol had frightened him so much, that,
+for his life, he could not help running away.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 331px;">
+<img src="images/i005.jpg" width="331" height="400" alt="MR. LEVERETT&#39;S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ." title="MR. LEVERETT&#39;S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ." />
+<span class="caption">MR. LEVERETT&#39;S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ.</span>
+</div><p>It was not many days after this that Tom came to me again,
+evidently in great pain; and, from the broken sentences that
+escaped him, I learned that as he and his brother Bob were
+walking in the public road, Chanticleer had met them; and
+after calling Tom by every abusive name he could think of, had
+ended by thrashing him with a riding-whip, till the unfortunate
+youth could scarcely stand. I thought this was carrying the
+matter too far, so I walked home with him to speak to his
+father about it. The old gentleman was very much excited<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span>
+at Tom's account of the quarrel; he had not heard a word
+about it till that day, and said that Chanticleer should pay
+dearly for what he had done; and as for Tom's mother, she
+fainted away at first, and ended by urging her husband to
+prosecute that rascal Chanticleer, even if it cost them their last
+grain of food. She thought but little of what she was saying
+then, but she remembered it afterwards.</p>
+
+<p>On that very afternoon old Mr. Leverett and Bob took the
+railway to Gloucester, and went at once to the celebrated
+lawyer, Mr. Sharpe Vulture, of Billocost Row. Mr. Vulture,
+who was just going home to dinner, and was both hungry and
+savage, heard their story with great impatience, told them to
+come again the next morning, and bade them good day. He
+thus saved his dinner hot, and pocketed an extra fee for an
+additional consultation. His client, little used to lawyers' pleasantries,
+thought this behaviour very strange; but as he had
+some relations close by the town, he resolved that he and Bob
+would spend the night with them, and they told me they were
+most hospitably entertained.</p>
+
+<p>On the next morning the father and son again called on
+the celebrated Mr. Sharpe Vulture, and this time with better
+success, for that worthy recommended that Mr. Leverett should
+first apply to a magistrate for a warrant against Mr. Chanticleer;
+and, secondly, that Tom should commence an action
+against him for the assault.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>To both these courses old Leverett offered no opposition;
+and on Bob's evidence Sir Simon Graveowl, a magistrate of
+noted wisdom, granted a warrant against Chanticleer, which
+Mr. Sharpe Vulture immediately gave to an active young policeman
+to execute. Now, it happened to be market-day at
+Gloucester, and as Mr. Chanticleer was a large consumer of
+barley, he usually attended the Corn Exchange during certain
+hours. This the policeman knew; so no sooner had he received
+the warrant than he walked straight to Mr. Chanticleer as he
+stood talking loudly to a large circle of friends and neighbours,&mdash;old
+Mr. Drake, young Mr. Gosling, Mr. Peacock, Mr. Pidgeon,
+Mr. Swann, and several others,&mdash;and forthwith arrested
+him. Poor Mr. Chanticleer! how crest-fallen he looked! All
+his crowing was stopped in a moment. He walked by the
+policeman's side in silence, and looked as much like a culprit
+as any thief that was ever found with the stolen goods in his
+possession.</p>
+
+<p>The policeman, thrown off his guard by Chanticleer's quietness,
+walked by his side without holding him, and of this my
+neighbour was not slow to avail himself; for just as they had
+passed a narrow street, he suddenly ran back, and, with a loud
+noise, flew along the pavement as if twenty Sharpe Vultures
+were pursuing him. The policeman was not slow to
+follow; and when the unfortunate Chanticleer was stopped
+by a sentinel at the gate of the barracks, he seized his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span>
+prisoner with such violence by his red neck-tie, that he
+almost strangled him there and then.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 339px;">
+<img src="images/chanticleer.jpg" width="339" height="400" alt="THE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEER" title="THE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEER" />
+<span class="caption">THE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEER</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Old Leverett chuckled to himself, and was greatly delighted
+to see Chanticleer brought into the magistrate's room by two
+policemen, one holding him tightly by each arm. Mr. Sharpe
+Vulture immediately brought forward the accusation against
+the prisoner. Bob's evidence was taken: it was declared that
+Tom was too unwell from the effects of the assault to attend
+in person, and Mr. Chanticleer was fined five pounds. For
+this amount he immediately wrote an order on his bankers,&mdash;Brier,
+Primrose, and Whitethorn; and then, greatly to old
+Leverett's chagrin, the prisoner was discharged, and all parties
+left the court.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Sharpe Vulture advised instant proceedings at law.
+Accordingly, an action was brought for damages; but through
+some <i>little</i> informality, the plaintiff was defeated, and had to
+pay his own and Mr. Chanticleer's lawyers' costs. Mr. Sharpe
+Vulture advised a second action, which was tried, I remember,
+at the Assizes just twelve months after the assault complained
+of. Counsel were engaged on each side. Mr. Badger was for
+Chanticleer, and the Hon. Mr. Muff for the Leveretts. Badger
+had Captain Bulldog put into the witness-box, and the whole
+story of the duel was told in court, making even the learned
+judge roar with laughter. Badger proved, beyond a doubt,
+that Tom had well deserved castigation for his cowardice, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span>
+that Mr. Chanticleer had only laid his whip lightly across his
+shoulders; that Bob, as one of the family, was not to be
+believed; and that the defendant bore the highest character for
+gentleness of disposition. The Hon. Mr. Muff proved nothing,
+but that he richly deserved his name, and the jury returned a
+verdict for the plaintiff, damages one farthing.</p>
+
+<p>Poor old Leverett! this trial completely ruined him. Sharpe
+Vulture seized all his property, and the once happy little family
+were sent adrift on the wide world without a home.</p>
+
+<p>The last time I heard of them, the mother and the two sons
+were living in an humble way not far from the sea-side; the
+father was dead; Tom still continued his favourite study, but
+he always took great care not to trespass in other people's
+fields.</p>
+
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>THE DE MOUSAS.</h2>
+
+<h3>A TALE.</h3>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 335px;">
+<img src="images/i006.jpg" width="335" height="400" alt="THE DE MOUSAS." title="THE DE MOUSAS." />
+<span class="caption">THE DE MOUSAS.</span>
+</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">In</span> one of those charming Italian villas lately built at
+Bayswater, live Mr. Persian and Lady Angora De Mousa,
+personages of much consequence in the society to which they
+belong. Late hours, and a somewhat gay life, have a little
+impaired Lady Angora's beauty; but she still attracts great
+admiration, and her husband is as proud of her as ever.</div>
+
+<p>A highly respectable couple, but of plainer pretensions
+than the De Mousas, reside in Cypress Cottage, a small house
+in the adjacent Gravel-pits,&mdash;Mr. Thomas and Mrs. Tabitha
+Tortoshell, with a family of one son and two daughters. Mr.
+De Mousa is of foreign extraction, but Mr. Tortoshell claims
+him as a cousin by his mother's side, and is not a little proud
+of the relationship.</p>
+
+<p>The De Mousas are in very easy circumstances, and indulge
+in many expensive luxuries, having Devonshire clotted cream
+every morning at breakfast, and a fricassee of some small
+deer, that they appear to be very fond of, for their supper.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span>
+Their carriage is the handsomest in the villas; and <i>when</i> they
+go to church, two pages always attend them.</p>
+
+<p>Before the arrival of the De Mousas&mdash;for they have but
+lately come from abroad&mdash;the Tortoshells lived in the most
+unpretending way; but within the last twelve months they
+have started a brougham, and a livery-servant with a gold-laced
+collar, much to the surprise of their neighbours, who
+wondered what sudden good fortune had befallen them. But
+I am sorry to say this extravagance was all owing to the
+vanity of Mrs. Tortoshell, who is most anxious to be introduced
+into society by Lady Angora De Mousa, as you shall
+hear.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Tortoshell called on his cousin soon after his arrival
+in the neighbourhood of the Gravel-pits, and explained to
+him their relationship, which Mr. De Mousa, who is extremely
+well bred, professed great delight in hearing of, at the same
+time he invited the whole family of the Tortoshells to dinner
+on the next day. Lady Angora was not over-pleased at this
+arrangement, and assumed a haughty air when the Tortoshells
+came; but being naturally of a warm-hearted disposition, she
+quickly became attached to the elder daughter Minnie, though
+it must be confessed she showed no great partiality for the
+mamma. The son also, Young Tom as he was called, to
+distinguish him from his father, won the good opinion of
+Mr. De Mousa, by his shrewdness and his intimate knowledge<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span>
+of London life among certain classes. So the day passed
+pleasantly enough, and Mr. and Mrs. Tortoshell and their
+family all walked home with greater consequence than they
+had before assumed. But it happened to be a rainy evening,
+Mrs. Tortoshell spoiled her best velvet dress, and easily persuaded
+her husband that it would be more economical for
+them to keep a brougham. Mr. Tortoshell pretended to
+believe her, and bought one.</p>
+
+<p>One day, about a month after, as Lady Angora and her
+husband were about taking their usual promenade in Kensington
+Gardens, they were astonished at the appearance of
+a footman in the smartest of liveries, who, instead of going as
+usual to the servants' gate, came straight up to them, and
+delivered a letter to Mr. De Mousa, who abruptly tore open
+the envelope, read the contents of the note, and handed it to
+his wife. Lady Angora, seeing it was an invitation from the
+Tortoshells to dinner on that day week, tossed her head as
+she gave it back, and Mr. De Mousa blandly informed the
+servant&mdash;a stupid lout, who had been bred in a farm-yard&mdash;that
+he would communicate with Mr. Tortoshell.</p>
+
+<p>All down the broad walk in Kensington Gardens, all across
+by the flower-gardens, and all up the path by the ha-ha,
+Lady Angora talked of nothing but the impudence of the
+Tortoshells, vowing and protesting that nothing on earth
+should induce her to visit them. But her good-natured<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span>
+husband was more inclined to treat the matter as a
+joke, and, by dint of persuasion and raillery, before they
+reached home he had induced Lady Angora to accept the
+invitation "for this once." A polite answer was, therefore,
+immediately despatched.</p>
+
+<p>The week elapsed. Mrs. Tabitha had worked herself into
+a perfect fever of anxiety; and her poor daughters, Minnie
+and Katty, were tired to death with their labour in carrying
+out their mother's injunctions. The dinner-hour was fixed
+for six o'clock. At half-past five Mrs. Tabitha was still
+adding vermicelli to the soup, Minnie and Katty were still
+turning out jellies and blanc-manges, and Sappy the footman
+was still cleaning the plate. Mr. Tortoshell was sitting uneasily
+by the window endeavouring to read "The Times," and young
+Tom was flying home from the City in a Hansom's cab at
+the rate of twelve miles an hour.</p>
+
+<p>At a quarter past six, Mr. De Mousa and Lady Angora
+arrived. Neither Mrs. Tortoshell nor her daughters were
+ready to receive them. Sappy was in his shirt-sleeves, and
+the maids were not fit to be seen; so Mr. Tortoshell had to
+open the door, receive his company, and usher them into his
+drawing-room himself. Mr. De Mousa looked at his watch
+and said he was afraid they were early, which rather confused
+Mr. Tortoshell; but the cousins soon got to talking of the
+beautiful weather, and the beautiful moonlight nights, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span>
+Lady Angora amused herself by playing with a young kitten
+on the hearth-rug.</p>
+
+<p>At half-past six Mr. Tortoshell said he really must see why
+his wife and daughter did not come, and for that purpose left
+the room. Lady Angora looked at her husband, who, well-bred
+as he was, could not help observing, with a broad
+smile, that "such manners were enough to make a cat laugh."</p>
+
+<p>At length Mrs. Tabitha and her two daughters appeared,
+very smartly dressed, but not very much at their ease, and a
+moment afterwards Sappy announced dinner. Mr. De Mousa
+escorted Mrs. Tabitha with much graceful dignity, and Mr.
+Tortoshell followed with Lady Angora; Young Tom just
+rushing into the room in time to offer his attendance to his
+sisters, who could not but wonder what extraordinary business
+could have kept him so late in the City. Dinner was served.
+The rats'-tail soup was burnt; Lady Angora could not touch
+it: but Sappy, in removing the plate, managed to spill a
+considerable quantity over her ladyship's dress. The fish was
+overdone on one side, and nearly raw on the other; so her
+ladyship could not eat that. The fowls were old and tough;
+the venison had not been hung long enough, and Minnie had
+forgotten the currant-jelly. The blanc-mange and the ices had
+somehow been placed near the kitchen fire; and, to crown all,
+Lady Angora declared that the only dish she cared for was
+fricasseed mice. Mrs. Tabitha, excited to desperation, jumped<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span>
+up from her seat with an expression of horror, as though she
+had been dining with a cannibal; but the effort was too much
+for her, for she immediately fell back in a swoon. Minnie
+flew to her mamma's assistance, Katty rushed for the eau de
+Cologne, old Tom and young Tom both rang the bells, and
+did nothing but create confusion; and Mr. De Mousa and
+Lady Angora, without staying for a formal leave-taking,
+quitted the room and the house with evident precipitation.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>Since that day the cousins have not visited. Mr. Tortoshell
+has discovered that a carriage is not so <i>very</i> economical;
+and when by chance he meets Mr. De Mousa, his attention
+is sure to be attracted by something on the top of a neighbouring
+house. Mrs. Tabitha often reads of Lady Angora
+in the "Morning Post," but she has never been heard to
+mention that her ladyship has dined at Cypress Cottage.</p>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>ROOKWOOD HALL.</h2>
+
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 337px;">
+<img src="images/i007.jpg" width="337" height="400" alt="THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT." title="THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT." />
+<span class="caption">THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT.</span>
+</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">In</span> a quiet village in Cumberland, far retired from the
+great world, there stands a noble old red-brick mansion, partly
+in ruins, and mostly covered with ivy, which ever attracts the
+attention of the wayfarer who passes through that remote
+district. For many years Rookwood Hall&mdash;so is it called&mdash;has
+been in the possession of the ancient family of the Rookes;
+father and son have grown up beneath the shade of the grand
+old elms that line the majestic avenue and all but surround
+the mansion, and the bones of twenty generations of Rookes
+now lie together beneath the adjacent sod. Five years since
+the last of the family, Sir Whitewing Rooke, was killed as he
+was returning towards home on a quiet autumn evening. He
+was found lying under one of the tall elm-trees in the avenue,
+pierced with a bullet that had passed through his heart.
+Whether this occurred by accident or design, no one could
+ever tell; but there were dark suspicions afloat, and rumour
+said that the Rookes were not without their enemies.</div>
+
+<p>Lady Rooke, the childless widow, mourned long for her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span>
+husband, rarely ventured beyond the boundary of the park,
+but spent most of her time in endeavouring to benefit the
+neighbouring farmers, who had not gratitude enough even to
+thank her for her services.</p>
+
+<p>There was one exception. Young Gamecock, the owner of
+a small estate adjoining Rookwood Park, was full of gratitude,
+and often called upon Lady Rooke to thank her for her kindness.
+Mr. Gamecock was an exceedingly good-looking
+fellow, dressed handsomely, always wore spurs, and had more
+manners than any other farmer within twenty miles; and,
+therefore, it is not to be wondered at that Lady Rooke somewhat
+encouraged these gratitude-visits. Her Ladyship often
+complained how dull and lonely she was, living without a
+protector in that old mansion, whose walls were covered with
+ghastly portraits of departed Rookes; and whose ancient casements
+rattled at night when the wind blew in its fitful fancies,
+and made the very stairs groan as it rushed up and down in
+its capricious impetuosity.</p>
+
+<p>Young Gamecock listened to the good dame's stories, told
+her <i>he</i> knew no fear, that the wind might whistle as it willed
+for him; and that if he owned such a mansion, that the old
+pictures should decorate the garrets, where the bats and
+sparrows held undisputed possession.</p>
+
+<p>At last people began to notice that young Gamecock went
+very often to Rookwood Hall, and many surmises were soon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span>
+afloat. Mr. Crow, a cousin of the deceased Baronet's, laughed
+at the silly talk, as he called it, and said that her Ladyship
+was about to make Mr. Gamecock her bailiff. Mr. Howlet,
+the solicitor from the neighbouring village, shook his head,
+looked "wondrous wise," but said nothing; and that pert
+gentleman, Mr. Sparrow, reported that he had peeped in at the
+window one day, and knew more than he chose to tell. So
+matters went on for a time. At last, one fine day Mr. Howlet
+was seen to drive up to the Hall, and take in with him a large
+document. The whole village was astir: something must be
+going on, every one said; and within two days it was known
+that the document in question was a marriage-settlement, and
+that the wedding of Lady Rooke and young Mr. Gamecock
+was to take place in the following week.</p>
+
+<p>Alas, for the uncertainty of this world! No sooner did
+the news of the approaching marriage reach the ears of Mrs.
+Partlett and her daughters&mdash;the aunt and cousins of Mr. Gamecock&mdash;than
+they vowed it should never be. It appears that
+Mr. Gamecock had long been affianced to Miss Hennie Partlett,
+and the news of his desertion so preyed on her delicate
+constitution, that she pined away and lost all her good looks.
+Fired at the indignity offered to his family, her brother Redcomb
+sought his opportunity, met Mr. Gamecock as he was
+crossing the lawn in front of Rookwood Hall, and challenged
+him to mortal combat. Gamecock, in haste to visit his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span>
+betrothed, passed on without heeding his adversary; but the
+valiant Redcomb flew at him, and with one stroke beat him to
+the earth. Gamecock rose, shook himself, and attacked Redcomb
+with such impetuosity, that at first he retreated; but,
+collecting his strength, he returned to the attack, and Gamecock
+again bit the dust. Lady Rooke was sitting by a window,
+watching for the arrival of her lover, whence she saw the
+whole of this deadly contest. At Gamecock's second fall she
+flew to his rescue, and arrived just as a fresh battle was begun.
+Urged by her fears for her beloved, her Ladyship threw herself
+between the combatants; but it was at a most unlucky
+moment, for a blow from Redcomb struck her on the temples,
+and she fell senseless between them. The combatants forgot
+their quarrel, and carried the poor lady into the room; a
+messenger was despatched for Dr. Stork, but before he could
+arrive, her Ladyship had breathed her last.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>Rookwood Hall passed into another family of the Rookes,
+distantly related; and after two years dallying, Miss Hennie
+Partlett, forgetting former grievances, became Mrs. Gamecock,
+and Redcomb gave her away.</p>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>CITY PEOPLE.</h2>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 335px;">
+<img src="images/i008.jpg" width="335" height="400" alt="MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS." title="MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS." />
+<span class="caption">MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS.</span>
+</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Mr. Trunk</span>, the great East India merchant, is an individual
+of immense weight in the City. Wherever he appears the
+crowd make way for him, and bestow upon him marked
+attention. His particular friend is old Mr. Parrot, whose
+connexions lie with the West Indies and South America,
+and who boasts of his relationship with the celebrated Macaw
+family. Whenever there is a sudden rise in sugar or tobacco,
+Mr. Parrot immediately goes on 'Change to consult his great
+friend, Mr. Trunk, as to the course he should pursue; and
+the united wisdom of the two merchants generally produces
+a result favourable to Mr. Parrot's interests.</div>
+
+<p>Mr. Trunk lives in a large house in the Regent's Park,
+where he entertains very many visitors, in a way peculiar
+to himself, his chief pleasure consisting in the offer of his
+carriage for a ride round his beautiful gardens; for which,
+by way of joke, he always demands a cake or a bun from
+each visitor. His son, too, Master Suckling Trunk, contributes<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span>
+much to the gratification of the guests; and certainly
+he is a very amusing youth, such as one does not
+often meet with.</p>
+
+<p>Two years ago Mr. Trunk was greatly annoyed by the
+arrival of a young black prince from the banks of the Nile,
+who took a house close by him in the Park, and, much to
+Mr. Trunk's mortification, completely outshone him in the
+grandeur of his entertainments. All the fashionable and mercantile
+world flocked to the mansion of Prince Ippo, and considered
+it a great condescension if His Highness would but
+favour them with a sight of his eyes and ears.</p>
+
+<p>The great Mr. Trunk, he who had never known a rival
+near his throne, felt deeply the slight cast upon him, and
+vowed to be revenged on his sable adversary. He talked of
+his grievance to old Mr. Parrot, till that worthy felt as
+indignant as his friend; but, as he could suggest no method
+of vengeance, Mr. Trunk called to his counsel, the celebrated
+City conveyancer, Mr. Starling.</p>
+
+<p>"You see, sir," said old Mr. Parrot, when the three had
+met in consultation, "this black young fellow is an upstart;
+he has nothing to recommend him but his exceeding ugliness
+and his extreme inhospitality. Do you know, sir," he continued,
+addressing the conveyancer, "some ladies of my
+family paid him a visit the other day, and the brute&mdash;yes,
+sir, I say the brute&mdash;had the ill manners to send word by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span>
+his attendant that His Highness was in the bath and would
+not be disturbed?"</p>
+
+<p>"I wonder," growled Mr. Trunk, "that, as the ladies
+had so much curiosity, they did not go and see him in his
+bath."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, the fact is," replied Mr. Parrot, "that they did
+try, but the monster would only just show them the tip of
+his nose."</p>
+
+<p>"He has become quite a nuisance to the neighbourhood,"
+said Mr. Trunk.</p>
+
+<p>"I wonder," observed the conveyancer, "if the Alderman
+could put him down?"</p>
+
+<p>"Put <i>him</i> down!" growled Trunk again; "the fellow's
+too fat. You might as well try to put down a whale!"</p>
+
+<p>"Then what can <i>we</i> do?" said the conveyancer. "Could
+we manage to drown him in his bath?"</p>
+
+<p>"A likely idea!" returned the great merchant. "Do you
+not know that the fellow lives half his life in the water, and
+can swim as well as a fish?"</p>
+
+<p>"Can we bring an action for ejectment?" suggested Mr.
+Starling. "Can we not discover some flaw in his title-deeds?"</p>
+
+<p>"I wish you'd try," answered the merchant. And the
+result of this conspiracy against the offending Prince was, that
+Mr. Starling, by some means best known to himself, obtained<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span>
+a copy of the title-deeds he wanted, and soon picked two
+or three holes in them.</p>
+
+<p>This good news he quickly communicated to the City merchants,
+who were delighted beyond measure. An action was
+immediately commenced against Prince Ippo, who did not
+seem in the least concerned about it, but took his bath and
+drank his twenty bottles a-day as usual. The conveyancer
+met with but little opposition, and gained the day.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Trunk and old Parrot were in raptures at the result.
+They warmly congratulated Mr. Starling, and the three conspirators
+rejoiced over a handsome dinner, which the great
+merchant gave on the occasion. But, alas! their delight was
+of short duration: the friends of Prince Ippo took up his
+cause, appealed against the decision, and after two trials,
+threw the case into Chancery.</p>
+
+<p>There it is likely to remain.</p>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>THE PORTRAIT-PAINTER.</h2>
+
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 334px;">
+<img src="images/i009.jpg" width="334" height="400" alt="MR. PORCUPINE&#39;S STUDIO." title="MR. PORCUPINE&#39;S STUDIO." />
+<span class="caption">MR. PORCUPINE&#39;S STUDIO.</span>
+</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Many</span> years ago there lived a celebrated artist who
+became very famous for his portraits of the great men of the
+day. His name was Porcupine. It is recorded, that noblemen
+of the highest rank used to visit his studio, take luncheon
+with him, and honour him with their criticism.</div>
+
+<p>In his earlier time he was much patronised by two of the
+great nobility, both members of the Dilettante Society, who
+did much to bring the young artist into notice&mdash;these were
+the great Lord Forestking and the well-remembered Sir Hyde
+Jungle. His Lordship's patronage had, in the first instance,
+been solicited for Mr. Porcupine by an eccentric individual, a
+Mr. Munkey, a hanger-on of the aristocracy, who aped their
+manners, but who had little of his own. He had met with
+Porcupine in the country, had expressed great admiration at
+his peculiar talent, and promised, if he would visit London,
+to introduce him to the very first society. Mr. Porcupine,
+innocently believing him, left his country hedgerows, and
+took a garret in a back-street in London. It was here that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span>
+Lord Forestking first visited him, and gave him the commission
+to paint his portrait.</p>
+
+<p>Porcupine generally had an old friend with him, whom
+he had long known in the country, who had come to see
+the town, and who lodged in the same house. His name
+was Dobbin.</p>
+
+<p>When Porcupine had made some advancement in the
+portrait, Lord Forestking and his friend, Sir Hyde, came one
+day to inspect it, attended by the ever meddling Mr. Munkey.
+His Lordship seated himself in a chair opposite the picture,
+and expressed himself very much satisfied with the likeness,
+declaring, that he never before knew that he was so handsome
+a fellow.</p>
+
+<p>"The portrait is&mdash;ah&mdash;very well, and the painting is&mdash;ah&mdash;admirable,"
+said Sir Hyde; "but do not you think&mdash;ah&mdash;that
+the nose is a <i>leetle</i> too long? and are you sure,"
+addressing Porcupine, "that the left eye is not&mdash;ah&mdash;slightly
+awry?"</p>
+
+<p>"I have not remarked it," returned Mr. Porcupine,
+meekly.</p>
+
+<p>"The colouring is excellent; but&mdash;ah&mdash;'pon my honour,
+I never saw his Lordship wear a coat of that tint; and do
+not you think the hair is <i>rayther</i> darker than his Lordship's?"</p>
+
+<p>"Perhaps," suggested Mr. Porcupine, "you would see it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span>
+better in another light;" and he immediately moved the
+easel.</p>
+
+<p>"Do you know," said Mr. Munkey to Mr. Dobbin&mdash;they
+were at the other end of the room&mdash;"Sir Hyde Jungle is
+esteemed one of our finest critics in the arts? He has visited
+most of the great Continental galleries, and can tell you the
+dimensions of every celebrated picture, and the exact spot
+on which it is hung."</p>
+
+<p>"How <i>can</i> one individual be the possessor of so much
+learning!" said Dobbin. "I cannot even remember the dimensions
+of the common in my native village, though I have
+been round it often and often."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh! Sir Hyde is, as you remark, a possessor of great
+learning. He studies anatomy too, and is very fond of
+dissecting all kinds of animals. I am told that no professor
+at St. Bartholomew's can do it more rapidly."</p>
+
+<p>"What a wonderful individual!"</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>"Ah! now that I see it better," said the Baronet, "I
+think the hair as near right as it can be; but&mdash;ah&mdash;you have
+given his Lordship two&mdash;ah&mdash;curls on the left temple, which
+I do not think his Lordship ever has."</p>
+
+<p>"Would your Lordship wish to have them taken out?"
+inquired Porcupine.</p>
+
+<p>"'Pon honour, Sir Hyde," said his Lordship, "I really<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span>
+think the portrait is a very good one; and I like those two
+curls so much, that I'll make my barber give them to me
+to-morrow morning."</p>
+
+<p>"I perfectly agree with your Lordship," replied the connoisseur;
+"and if Mr. Porcupine will but attend to the suggestions
+I have thrown out, this picture will make his fortune;"
+and the learned critic began to put on his gloves and
+seek his hat.</p>
+
+<p>The Lord and the Baronet wished the artist good morning,
+and, with their attendant, departed.</p>
+
+<p>Poor Porcupine threw himself into his chair, and gazed
+wistfully at the picture. His first thought was to thrust his
+foot through the canvass, but the word "suggestions" and
+"make his fortune" rang in his ears, and he burst into a long
+loud laugh.</p>
+
+<p>"He is very learned, that Sir Hyde Jungle," observed his
+friend, Mr. Dobbin, at the conclusion of the laugh.</p>
+
+<p>"A very learned man," said Porcupine.</p>
+
+<p>"And did he not promise to make your fortune?"</p>
+
+<p>"He did," replied the artist; "and if he can he may."</p>
+
+<p>The next time Sir Hyde saw the portrait, he thought the
+nose and the eyes were quite right&mdash;the tone of colour on
+the coat admirable&mdash;and the hair marvellously exact. The
+day after, Lady Jungle and several friends came to see the
+picture, and one gave Mr. Porcupine a commission for a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span>
+portrait of her darling Wilhelmina. A rush of orders followed,
+and the great Sir Hyde Jungle did what the artist
+never believed, he kept his promise, and, by his wonderful
+talk, made Mr. Porcupine's fortune.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span></p>
+<h2>THE STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE EXHIBITION.</h2>
+
+<h3>A STORY. BY POLICEMAN X X.</h3>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">One</span> night as I was a-going my rounds, seeing that all
+things were right, I felt so tired and drowsy that I could
+hardly keep awake; so, when I came to the Stuffed Animals,
+I lay down on the bench there to rest myself. I have heard
+of many marvellous things, but nothing that ever I knew of
+equals the story I am going to tell you.</div>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 334px;">
+<img src="images/i010.jpg" width="334" height="400" alt="THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION." title="THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION." />
+<span class="caption">THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION.</span>
+</div><p>I had not been lying on the bench five minutes&mdash;not more
+than ten minutes certainly&mdash;when I heard a confused noise
+as if a crowd of visitors had been let into the building. You
+may be sure I was astonished, but fancying there might be
+something in the wind, I kept still and breathed very softly.
+Presently a large party came into the passage where the
+Stuffed Animals were, and you may imagine how I did stare&mdash;sure
+enough they were a lot of the beasts from the Zoological
+Gardens. But the most curious thing was, that many of
+them were dressed just like Christians. First came the big
+Elephant, putting me in mind, for all the world, of Mr. Trunk,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span>
+the great City merchant; then the Hippopotamus, with a fez
+cap on exactly like the Abyssinian prince, Ippo, that was
+in the Exhibition a few days before; then a Kangaroo, with a
+smart bonnet and shawl, in the same style as Mrs. Jumper's;
+then a Wild Boar, looking like a country lout in a smock-frock;
+then a Beaver, no better dressed than one of our
+navvies, and who stamped on the Cat's toes, and made her
+squeak out so shrilly, that she made my ears tingle; then
+came a Parroquet, dressed like a dandy, and with him were
+two fashionable birds, Miss Cockatoo and Miss Snowy Owl;
+then followed an old Crocodile, looking like one of those
+withered Indian nurses, and in her arms she carried a young
+Frog that might have been an Indian baby. Besides these,
+there was a young Monkey, exactly like my brother's boy,
+Jack; a Mouse, dressed in the last-fashioned palet&ocirc;t; and
+a little thing that for a long time I could make nothing of,
+but I fancy they call her a Duck-billed Platypus.</p>
+
+<p>To have heard the remarks these animals made on their
+stuffed fellow-creatures would have made me die of laughter,
+but that I felt rather frightened and uncomfortable at my
+position so near them. The young Indian clapped his hands
+when he saw the two Frogs a-shaving, and the Snowy Owl
+flew up to see if the Great Horned Owl above her was really
+stuffed or not. The Cat seemed very much inclined to jump
+at the young Partridges; and the Mouse, dapper as he was,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span>
+shrank back with fear when he caught sight of the Martins
+and Weasels.</p>
+
+<p>At length Dent's clock struck four. The noise seemed
+to frighten them away; for, when I jumped up, and rubbed
+my eyes, they were all gone, nor could I make out by which
+door they left.</p>
+
+<p>When I reported all this to my inspector, the only rewards
+I got were, to be told I had been dreaming, and to have my
+night's allowance of porter stopped for a fortnight.</p>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>ALDERMAN GOBBLE'S AMBITION.</h2>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 337px;">
+<img src="images/i011.jpg" width="337" height="400" alt="LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON GUESTS." title="LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON GUESTS." />
+<span class="caption">LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON GUESTS.</span>
+</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Not</span> many years since, Mr. Alderman Gobble was a
+famous member of the Corporation of the City of London.
+No one was more esteemed at the great Guildhall feasts than
+he was. No one, at Christmas time, was more constant at
+the Mansion-House dinners, where he was invariably placed
+at the head of the table, close by the Lord Mayor.</div>
+
+<p>Mr. Gobble was born in Norfolk, at one of those fine
+old-fashioned farm-houses so frequently met with in that
+county, and was often heard to tell the tale of his first coming
+to London, on a bitterly cold day, when the whole country
+was covered with snow, on the top of the "Telegraph"
+coach. It was Christmas-Eve, in the year 1815, and the
+roof was crowded with such piles of turkeys, geese, hares,
+and pheasants, that he always said he had preserved an
+affection for them throughout his life.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Some few years after his arrival in London, Mr. Gobble
+became a member of the Worshipful Company of Poulterers,
+and shortly afterwards he was elected Common-councilman by
+a great majority of the voters, who, to show their approbation
+of his excellence, invited him to a handsome dinner at Poulterers'
+Hall. In due time, the Common-councilman became an
+Alderman; and it was at a grand ball given on the occasion,
+that he fell in love with Miss Owlet, the daughter of a
+magistrate very celebrated for his wisdom. The wedding
+was attended by all the great City people; and after this union
+Mr. Gobble had the satisfaction of becoming the most popular
+member of the Corporation, and was more frequently than
+ever seen at the Corporation dinners.</p>
+
+<p>But the Alderman's ambition did not rest satisfied with
+municipal honours. He read the debates in the House of
+Commons, until he thought he could speak as well as most
+of them, and aspired to become a member of Parliament.
+In this laudable desire, he was greatly abetted by his beloved
+spouse, who was deeply impressed with the conviction that he
+would be one of the most eloquent members of the House.</p>
+
+<p>It happened that, about this time, the borough of Woodside
+became vacant. Mr. Rabbetson, the member, while
+on a visit to Earl Falcon, the owner of half the village of
+Woodside, was accidentally killed by his Lordship while they
+were out together for a day's sport.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The Alderman no sooner heard of the accident than he
+flew home to his wife, and told her of the opportunity that
+had offered itself. By the next night's mail, Mr. and Mrs.
+Gobble travelled down to Woodside, and, on the following
+day, they hired a carriage and rode over to Lord Falcon's
+mansion. The servants at the gate said that his Lordship
+was too ill to see company; but, at the Alderman's pressing
+entreaty, their cards were taken, and soon afterwards they
+were ushered into the lofty apartments of Woodside Hall,
+and through the library into the Earl's private garden.
+There they found his Lordship walking up and down the
+terrace, evidently in a most unamiable state of mind. Mrs.
+Gobble drew back when she saw his fierce looks; and the
+Alderman, taking off his hat, seemed undecided whether it
+would not be advisable to beat a retreat before his Lordship
+ate them both up, for so he seemed inclined to do. At last
+Mr. Gobble told his errand, and solicited the favour of his
+Lordship's interest. If Earl Falcon was angry before, he
+was enraged to madness now; he screamed at his visitors,
+stamped his feet, and rushed at them, cane in hand, so impetuously,
+that the intruders flew away with all the haste
+they could, regained their carriage, and took a post-chaise
+back to London without delay.</p>
+
+<p>Alderman Gobble returned to town sadder, but wiser;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span>
+and was never afterwards heard to talk of the honour of being
+a member of Parliament.</p>
+
+<p>As for the borough of Woodside, Lord Falcon gave
+to Mr. Weesel, the family lawyer, who, report said, was
+somehow the cause of the death of poor Mr. Rabbetson.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span></p>
+<h2>MRS. STRUTT'S SEMINARY.</h2>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 334px;">
+<img src="images/i012.jpg" width="334" height="400" alt="THE WALK TO HIGHGATE." title="THE WALK TO HIGHGATE." />
+<span class="caption">THE WALK TO HIGHGATE.</span>
+</div><div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">The</span> bells of Farmfield's Church rang merrily when young
+Mr. Strutt married his neighbour's daughter, Miss Waddle.
+The school-children had a holiday, and the labourers at all
+the farms in the village dined off roast beef and plum-pudding.
+Young Mr. Strutt had passed the College of Surgeons, and
+set up in practice in London, in a new and fashionable neighbourhood
+at the West End; that is, he had hired two rooms
+in a respectable-looking house, and bargained to have his
+name on a great brass plate on the door. But neither his
+wedding nor his brass plate brought him any patients; and
+after a two years' trial, Mr. Strutt retired from the profession
+in disgust.</div>
+
+<p>It luckily happened that Mrs. Strutt's papa, Mr. Waddle,
+determined that his daughter should receive a <i>superior</i> education,
+had sent her to a very distinguished seminary, where
+young ladies were taught the most wonderful accomplishments
+by the very first masters; but where, unfortunately, they did
+not include the art of making apple-dumplings.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>As Mrs. Strutt had no children of her own, she now
+determined to devote her acquirements to the benefit of the
+children of other people. So Mr. and Mrs. Strutt opened an
+"Academy for Young Ladies and Gentlemen" at Kentish
+Town; and, as good fortune would have it, they were soon
+intrusted with the care of half-a-dozen "boarders," who
+brought their own forks and spoons, and were the children of
+very genteel parents, at least so Mrs. Strutt told her visitors.</p>
+
+<p>One thing must be said, that both master and mistress
+were very kind and attentive to their young charges; and if
+they did not teach them much, it was simply because they
+did not know how.</p>
+
+<p>One fine summer's afternoon they all went together for a
+ramble in the Highgate Fields. The elder Master Hawke
+took his drum, and the younger had Mrs. Strutt's parasol;
+Miss Duckling's two brother's had a kite and a boat; and
+Charley Lighthair a whirligig. They flew the kite high up
+till they could hardly see it, and sent card-messengers of every
+colour up to it: they swam their boat in the pond; and
+when it sailed beyond their reach, Mr. Strutt pulled it back
+with his walking-cane: they ran races across the meadows,
+and tried to see who could get over the stiles first; and then
+when they were hot and tired, they all sat under the shade of
+the great elm-trees, and Mr. Strutt told them the following
+anecdote:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 336px;">
+<img src="images/i013.jpg" width="336" height="400" alt="THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN." title="THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN." />
+<span class="caption">THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN.</span>
+</div><p>"Many years ago, as I was passing through the country
+town where I lived, my attention was drawn to a great crowd
+of people assembled round some apparently very amusing
+objects. Led by curiosity, I mixed in with them; and what
+did I behold but a fellow whom I had long known, named
+Bruin, teaching a monkey to perform all kinds of tricks? The
+animal stood on his head, and, with his hind feet, threw sticks
+up into the air; then he leaped on Mr. Bruin's head, and
+balanced himself on one hand, and jumped over the heads of
+the spectators; among whom, I remember, were my neighbours,
+Mrs. Kangaroo and her daughter; my shoemaker, old
+Pidgeon, and his little girl; Shark the lawyer; Mrs. Whinchat
+the milliner; a fellow named Ratt, who had been twenty
+times taken up for thieving; and the poulterer's son, Bill Goose.
+I wish you had been with them to have seen how Bruin made
+Jocko the monkey dance, and how all these folks laughed.
+They capered about finely to get out of his way; but at last
+Jocko jumped from his master's head on to Mrs. Whinchat's
+back, tore off her bonnet, and in two seconds put it on the
+head of little Miss Kangaroo. Oh, how the crowd shouted!
+Bruin tried to beat the animal, but he laughed too much to
+be able to catch him; and Jocko, pleased at his own performance,
+jumped on to Ratt's back, and the rascal ran half
+way down the street before the monkey would dismount.
+Bruin ran after them, and so great was the crowd that pursued,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span>
+that he was glad to hide both himself and Jocko in
+an inn-yard."</p>
+
+<p>The young ones all laughed famously at this story; and
+then, as it was near tea-time, they set off home, where they
+had, for a treat, hot toast for tea, and a game at forfeits
+afterwards.</p>
+
+<p>So Mr. and Mrs. Strutt got on much better with the
+Seminary than the Surgery; and it is said that after a few
+years they had more than fifty boarders who used often
+to take rambles in the Highgate Meadows.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><small>London:&mdash;Printed by <span class="smcap">G. Barclay</span>, Castle St. Leicester Sq.</small></div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Comical People, by Unknown
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@@ -0,0 +1,1792 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Comical People, by Unknown
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Comical People
+
+Author: Unknown
+
+Illustrator: J. J. Grandville
+
+Release Date: November 6, 2007 [EBook #23352]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COMICAL PEOPLE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+University of Florida, The Internet Archive/Children's
+Library)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Cover: COMICAL PEOPLE]
+
+
+
+
+COMICAL PEOPLE.
+
+
+
+
+COMICAL PEOPLE
+
+ILLUSTRATED
+
+WITH SIXTEEN PICTURES
+
+        TAKEN FROM THE EMBROIDERED TAPESTRY CONTRIBUTED
+        BY MARIA FUSINATA, OF BELLUNO,
+        TO THE GREAT EXHIBITION.
+
+Drawn and Grouped from the Designs
+
+OF
+
+J. J. GRANDVILLE.
+
+        LONDON:
+        DAVID BOGUE, 86 FLEET STREET.
+        MDCCCLII.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+                                                       PAGE
+
+  LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL                                   1
+
+  THE LORD OF THE MANOR                                  13
+
+  MY NEIGHBOURS. A COUNTRY STORY. BY WARREN RABBITT      17
+
+  THE DE MOUSAS. A TALE                                  27
+
+  ROOKWOOD HALL                                          33
+
+  CITY PEOPLE                                            37
+
+  THE PORTRAIT-PAINTER                                   41
+
+  THE STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE EXHIBITION                  46
+
+  ALDERMAN GOBBLE'S AMBITION                             49
+
+  MRS. STRUTT'S SEMINARY                                 53
+
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS.
+
+
+                                                       PAGE
+
+  LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL (_Double Plate_)      _Frontispiece_
+
+  THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE      5
+
+  LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW                             7
+
+  THE POACHER                                            13
+
+  THE DUEL BETWEEN MR. CHANTICLEER AND YOUNG LEVERETT    17
+
+  MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ.     23
+
+  THE ARREST OF MR. CHANTICLEER                          25
+
+  THE DE MOUSAS                                          27
+
+  THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT                                33
+
+  MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS                             37
+
+  MR. PORCUPINE'S STUDIO                                 41
+
+  THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION                 47
+
+  LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON VISITORS                    49
+
+  THE WALK TO HIGHGATE                                   53
+
+  THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN                                 55
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+AMONG the contributions to the Great Exhibition which, from their
+position, did not acquire that popularity and praise which was due to
+them, were some fine specimens of embroidery from Vienna and various
+towns in Austria.
+
+Hung high up, beyond the glance of the casual observer, the
+elaborately-worked tapestry of Maria Fusinata attracted little
+attention. Those, however, who had the good fortune to notice it were
+always delighted with the excellent adaptation of the clever designs of
+Grandville, which the embroiderer had so faithfully rendered. The
+expression of the animals was most cleverly given, and the brightness of
+the colours added much to the effect of the compositions.
+
+Had Ploucquet added some of these designs to his "Reynard the Fox," he
+would have increased the attraction of his show, deservedly popular as
+it was. Grandville, in these delineations of the faculties of animals,
+is quite equal to Kaulbach; and, though the French artist had not the
+honour of having his pictures copied in stuffed animals, they are
+thought to be quite worthy of being formed into a volume as a sequel to
+the "Comical Creatures from Wurtemberg."
+
+
+
+
+LADY CHAFFINCH'S BALL.
+
+
+HEIGH-HO! well, I am at home again at last. I wonder if I am the same
+innocent little Linnet that left these bowers only three months ago.
+What have I seen, where have I been?--or rather, What have I not seen,
+where have I not been? I have visited China and Peru, Nova Scotia,
+Trinidad, and Tuscany; I have been to Sweden, Egypt, Germany, and
+Mexico, and I have some recollections of Sardinia, and the United
+States. This is good travelling for three months, is it not?
+
+Let me think: how shall I tell you about it? I will begin at the
+beginning--
+
+Three months ago, as I was sitting in our summer-house, warbling one of
+my newest songs, our page Tom--Tom-tit we call him, he is such a funny
+little fellow--brought me a letter that had just been left by the
+postboy.
+
+I have it by heart.
+
+"My dear little Songbird,"--this is a name they gave to me from my
+infancy, for they say I could sing before I could speak,--"My dear
+little Songbird," thus the letter began, "All the world is coming to
+London this spring to see the most wonderful of sights; try and persuade
+my dear sister, that kind Mamma of yours, to let you pay your
+long-promised visit to me. You must come in May, and you may stay with
+me as long as you can bear to be away from your delightful home. Let me
+know when I may expect you.
+
+                                            "Your loving Aunt,
+                                                    "JENNY GOLDFINCH."
+
+And I remember that the envelope was addressed, "Lady Linnet, Gorse
+Bush, Somersetshire;" and that in the left-hand corner there was
+written, "For Miss Linnet."
+
+Did not I fly to my "kind Mamma" as soon as I had read this note, and
+when she had consented that I should go to see that dear old Aunt of
+mine in London, did not I half smother her with kisses. I thought the
+first of May would never come,--but it did; and Tom-tit was sent to
+London with me by the railway to take care of me.
+
+My good Aunt received me with the greatest kindness, and her son
+Drinkwater, one of the handsomest young fellows I ever saw in my life,
+began whispering compliments to me as soon as ever we were left
+together. I had a lovely little boudoir entirely for my own use, and my
+page Tom-tit had nothing else to do but wait on me. My cousin
+Drinkwater and I were soon great friends; he took me to the Opera,
+where I listened to singing such as I had never heard at Gorse Bush; he
+took me to the Chiswick Fete, where I saw flowers such as I had never
+dreamed of; and he took me--how many times? well, I can't recollect--to
+that dear, delightful Crystal Palace, where we visited more foreign
+countries than I knew of in my Geography, and where we often found
+ourselves quite alone, looking at those charming seeds from the West
+India Islands; and where we enjoyed some of the most delightful days of
+all our lives,--at least, Drinkwater said so; and I think I must say so
+too.
+
+Every one has been to the Crystal Palace, so it is of no use talking
+about the Koh-i-noor, or the fierce-looking Amazon, or the beautiful
+Veiled Vestal, or the Greek Slave, or those terrible-looking owls or
+funny foxes, or the other Comical Creatures that came from Wurtemberg. I
+will, therefore, tell you how we amused ourselves when we were not
+inclined to have our brains bewildered.
+
+First, let me inform you that my cousin, who was born in London, knows
+all the grand people by sight, and bows to a great many of them. You may
+imagine what a treat it was to me, who had lived in a country village
+all my life, to see with my own eyes His Royal Highness the Prince, or
+His Grace the Duke, or Her Grace the Duchess, or His Excellency the
+Marquis, or the Most Noble the Marchioness, pass by in their grand
+carriages. How I used to stand on tip-toe to get a glimpse of their
+faces over the people's heads, and how Drinkwater used to laugh at me.
+
+One morning we were walking in Hyde Park, amusing ourselves in the usual
+way, when Drinkwater whispered to me hurriedly, "Here come a great Lion
+and Lioness." You may imagine my sensations. Bewildered with terror, I
+was about to leave him, and fly; but when I turned with trembling limbs
+and looked in the direction he pointed out, I saw that these fearful
+creatures appeared quite harmless: in fact, the great Lion, though he
+looked very magnificent, was quietly smoking a cigar; and except that
+the Lioness stared very fiercely, and wore spurs, and carried a
+riding-whip, I really don't think I should have known that she was a
+Lioness. A little Tiger, leading the Lioness's horse, followed them at a
+short distance.
+
+I noticed that every one made way for these important members of
+society, who, indeed, seemed to think the earth hardly good enough for
+them to walk upon; but when they had passed by, I heard the people say,
+"That's the great Mr. Grandboy. He is one of our celebrated Lions. He is
+a perfect literary Beau Brummel; the author of several novels, that have
+been read prodigiously; he composes operas, sets the fashion of the
+cravat, and, they say, writes leaders for 'The Times.'"
+
+"And who, pray, is the Lioness?"
+
+"That is the Hon. Mrs. Delmacare. She writes novels, too, follows the
+hounds, and often whips her Tiger."
+
+Such were the remarks of the crowd.
+
+Drinkwater told me that some of these Lions and Lionesses do most
+extraordinary things, and that people run after them and invite them to
+the most costly entertainments, where they are expected to amuse the
+guests by their roars. I am glad I am not a Lioness.
+
+When I had somewhat recovered from the agitation caused by this
+rencontre, Drinkwater persuaded me to take a walk to St. James's Park,
+to see those charming ducks, and the black swans, and the queer little
+creatures that dive so prettily. We passed under the arch with the great
+horse on the top. I asked my cousin if he knew what country such horses
+were found in, but he could not tell me, and we walked on and soon came
+to the Queen's Palace.
+
+Here let me take breath;--just at the very moment we reached the
+gateway, out rolled the royal carriage, and in it, to our great
+happiness, we beheld her Most Gracious Majesty the Queen, and His Royal
+Highness the Prince Albert; and with them were those dear children, the
+Princess Royal and the Prince of Wales--Heaven bless them! How I did
+long to kiss them both. When the last wheel of the royal carriage was
+quite out of sight, we turned to look at the palace that the Queen
+lived in, and Drinkwater pointed out to me the funniest creature that
+ever I saw standing on a pedestal by the gate. He said it was a Unicorn,
+and that it was put there on purpose to make the Queen laugh. After we
+had counted the thousand and one windows in the front of the Palace, we
+strolled along the pleasant path by the little lake, and watched the
+children as they came with cakes in their hands to feed those greedy
+geese, that seemed as if they would gobble up cakes, and children, and
+all.
+
+While we were resting ourselves on a seat under the trees, some distant
+relations of ours, the Sparrowes of Evryware, passed by. It was well
+they did not see us, for some of them know me, and I must confess that I
+should not like to have been seen speaking to such shabby, ill-looking
+fellows. I wonder what their relations in the country would have said,
+had they seen them in such wretched condition. Their coats were torn,
+one of them had lost part of his tail, and their faces looked as if they
+had not been washed since the last shower of rain. Fearing lest the
+Sparrowes should return and discover us, I asked Drinkwater to take the
+ferry-boat to the other side; and just as we landed we had the pleasure
+of seeing the great Lord Bison introduce his sister, Lady Dorothy Zebu,
+to the renowned Admiral Macaw. You should have seen the polite bow of
+the admiral, and the delightful curtsey of the lady. I was charmed
+beyond expression. Lord Bison has a fine military air; they say he
+fought many battles on the American prairies. Lady Dorothy, who has just
+come from India, has, on the contrary, a mild, benignant countenance,
+and, I am told, is very religious. The admiral was covered with gold,
+and purple, and scarlet, and looked for all the world like one of his
+namesakes in that beautiful place, the Zoological Gardens.
+
+This was one of my most eventful days in London, and I shall long
+remember it.
+
+But now I must tell you of that evening--shall I confess it? the
+happiest evening of my life--when Drinkwater and I went to Lady
+Chaffinch's ball. My Aunt was too indisposed to accompany us; she
+therefore called her son, and told him to take great care of me, as much
+as if I were his own sister. I have an idea that if my dear Aunt knew
+all, she would have said that he rather exceeded his instructions; but
+never mind, he took great care of me.
+
+The carriage came for us at ten o'clock, when, had I been at Gorse Bush,
+I should have been fast asleep on my perch,--as Drinkwater says, for he
+loves to plague me about being a Linnet. My Cousin was beautifully
+attired; he wore a most superb cravat, of a deep ruby colour, and an
+under-waistcoat of the brightest amber; but, in fact, he always attracts
+admiration; and I think, without vanity, that I looked extremely well in
+the new brown dress I took with me from home. At a quarter past ten we
+entered Lady Chaffinch's ball-room, and, for a moment, I was perfectly
+bewildered; indeed, Drinkwater had to apologise to our hostess for my
+strange behaviour by saying I was not quite well. However, her ladyship,
+whom I had often seen in the country, was very kind to me, led me to a
+seat, and began asking after her old friends. This soon brought me to my
+senses; and after a little while I could bear to look at the dazzling
+chandeliers, the magnificent pier-glasses, and the splendidly-dressed
+people, without being giddy at the sight. Soon after our arrival, the
+band commenced playing, and some of the company arranged themselves for
+a dance. Old Sir Cayman Alligator, an East-Indian Director, led out the
+graceful Lady Caroline Giraffe, who, I must say, deserved the praise
+young Nightingale bestowed upon her, when he said, she was one of
+"Nature's nobility." I could not but admire her large, full eyes, which
+looked at you so tenderly, and the gentle bending of her beautiful neck;
+and then, what a contrast she was to her horrid-looking partner! I
+suppose he must be very rich, or I cannot think why Lady Chaffinch
+should have invited him. Opposite to them stood young Lord Crowe, a
+younger brother of the noble Earl of Ravenskind, and with him was the
+Honourable Miss Pigeon. Lord Crowe is a good-looking fellow, rather
+dark, it must be confessed; but as he wears glasses, he looks very
+interesting. They say that his brother, the Earl, has picked up his
+great wealth in a most unaccountable manner, and that the whole family
+have a singular want of discrimination in the meaning of the words
+_meum_ and _tuum_. His partner, who had a nice, dove-coloured dress on,
+appeared very desirous of pleasing the young Lord, and I thought they
+seemed very happy together. The other couples were Sir Hector
+Downcharge, of Kennelhouse, a great sportsman, who came in his militia
+uniform, and Miss Pie, the daughter of the celebrated Mrs. Margaret, or
+Mag Pie, as her neighbours call her. And opposite to them were a Mr.
+Puddock, a person connected with the City, who, through the death of a
+relative, has just come into possession of a fine marshy estate among
+the Lincolnshire Fens; and Miss Lavinia Greyhound, who, as all the world
+knows, was a long time engaged to young Hare, who ran away from her in a
+very shameful way, and hurt her feelings so much that she did not appear
+again in public for several months.
+
+Drinkwater and I stood aside, and entertained ourselves with quiet
+remarks to each other, not always complimentary to the company. He
+thought Miss Pie the prettiest of the dancers, and certainly she was
+sweetly dressed, and looked very well. Her partner, Sir Hector, was,
+without doubt, the handsomest of the gentlemen, though he appeared to me
+to give himself airs, like an overfed spaniel that has been too much
+petted, and to lounge about in a way not at all becoming a lady's
+ball-room. The little fellow from the City, his _vis-a-vis_, was a very
+different person--he seemed determined to let us all know that he had
+lately been taking twelve dancing-lessons of Madame Hopper, for he
+turned his toes out in the most _elegant_ way, and was evidently quite
+impressed with a belief that he was astonishing the spectators with his
+surprising agility. The very tie of his cravat made Drinkwater nearly
+die with suppressed laughter; and when the youth began dancing, we were
+obliged to take a walk into the adjoining Conservatory, lest our
+merriment should be discovered. I never knew a more delightful place
+than this Conservatory; the flowers in it are brighter than I have seen
+elsewhere; and some that Drinkwater gathered for me were far sweeter
+than any I had ever known before. We staid sometime in this Conservatory
+looking at the beautiful exotics, and talking of _nothing_ else but of
+them and the weather; and it was not till we had been there more than
+half-an-hour that I discovered that we were quite alone. We immediately
+returned to the ball-room, where, luckily, our absence had not been
+discovered, and in a few minutes were whirling round in a most
+delightful waltz.
+
+But I have forgotten the rest of the company. Foremost in dignity was
+the Countess Auk, of Stornaway Rock, in the Hebrides; and with her were
+her two nieces, Lady Isabella Snipe and the Honourable Miss Woodcock. I
+saw Mr. Reynard, the celebrated member for Hollowoak, having a long
+gossip with the Countess and her young charges, for both of whom he
+seemed to profess great admiration. Mr. Jay, the member for
+Chatterfield, was likewise there, and paid a good deal of attention, I
+thought, to the Honourable Miss Dove, a cousin of Miss Pigeon's. Miss
+Dove plays very nicely, and sometimes, when the band required rest, she
+rattled off a waltz in fine style, Mr. Jay most attentively turning the
+music-leaves.
+
+Drinkwater also pointed out to me Miss Stork, the daughter of the
+Attorney-General, so famous for the length of his bill; Miss Blaccap,
+who, they say, sings as sweetly as a Robin-Redbreast; Lord Bruin, who
+has just come from a tour in Russia; the Right Honourable Mr. Ramshead;
+and a crowd of folks, more or less known, most of whom _would_ stand by
+the doorway and prevent the servants and the fresh air from entering the
+room.
+
+About three o'clock the Countess of Auk's carriage was summoned, and the
+company began to retire. Drinkwater and I stood shivering on the stairs
+full half-an-hour before Lady Goldfinch's brougham was announced; and
+when we reached home, I found I had been fast asleep with my head on
+Drinkwater's shoulder.
+
+Ten days after Lady Chaffinch's ball, I was obliged to tear myself away
+from my kind aunt and my dear cousin, and with only Tom-tit for my
+companion, to return to this dismal Gorse Bush, which I used to think
+the sweetest of homes. Now I do nothing but wonder how long it will be
+before my aunt invites me to London again. Tom-tit brings me letters
+from the post-boy much oftener than before, and were it not for them, I
+do not think I could bear my existence.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+This is the substance of some letters I have lately received from my
+dear friend, Julia Linnet. She is a warm-hearted little thing, easily
+led away by her enthusiasm. At first, I was afraid she would pine away
+with melancholy; but all my uneasiness was dispelled a few mornings
+since, when a lace-bordered envelope reached me, enclosing two cards
+tied together with silver-cord, on one of which was written,--
+
+[Illustration: Mr. Drinkwater Goldfinch
+                                  Furze Park]
+
+[Illustration: THE GREAT MR. GRANDBOY, AND THE HON. MRS. DELMACARE.]
+
+[Illustration: LADY ZEBU AND ADMIRAL MACAW.]
+
+[Illustration: THE POACHER.]
+
+
+
+
+THE LORD OF THE MANOR.
+
+
+SIR VANE PEACOCK was the owner of large estates in Cumberland, and a
+great game preserver. His tenantry were bound to protect all the hares,
+partridges, and pheasants that fed on their young corn; and, in return,
+Sir Vane entertained them once a-year with a dinner of roast mutton and
+potatoes, when good luck enabled them to bring their rents on Old
+Michaelmas-day. A great personage was Sir Vane Peacock. He was the
+possessor of two thousand acres of the richest arable land in the
+county, besides his own park and grounds, of a hundred and twenty acres,
+well covered with fine trees. Sir Vane would have been happy but for one
+circumstance: he could not prevent the village poachers from destroying
+his game. It was in vain that he employed keepers and offered rewards
+for every depredator they apprehended or _killed_; year after year
+rolled by, and still Sir Vane's great struggle in life was to preserve
+his partridges. Sir Vane was a county magistrate, and it may be imagined
+how summarily he dealt with all offenders brought before him. In one
+year, two young fellows, named Martin and Weesel, both belonging to the
+village, were shot by his keepers, Martin in the leg and Weesel in the
+back, because they were found near a rabbit-warren at a suspicious hour
+in the evening; and an old fellow, whom they called Horny Owl, was so
+severely beaten on the head by one of the Baronet's men, that he only
+lived two days afterwards. Old Horny was concealed in the trunk of a
+hollow oak, and was found there with no less than three young partridges
+in his possession, which he pleaded he was about to take home for his
+little ones' supper. But Sir Vane could never catch the rascals who did
+the most mischief: one was a notorious character, known as Bill Kite;
+the others a family of brothers, whose name was Lurcher. These were too
+old at the sport, and too cunning, to let the keepers get near them, and
+it is believed they made a very excellent living out of Sir Vane's
+game-preserves.
+
+Among the Baronet's tenantry was a Mr. Pointer, a thoroughly well-bred
+individual, who lived at a farm close by the park, and who generally
+accompanied Sir Vane on his shooting-excursions. Mr. Pointer had but one
+son, named Carlo, with whose training he had taken much pains, and at an
+early age Carlo promised soon to know as much about field matters as his
+worthy father. But Carlo had one failing which his parent little dreamed
+of. On one occasion, when on a visit to a neighbouring farm, the youth
+had tasted a hare, and ever afterwards he longed to regale himself
+again on such delightful food. One unlucky morning Carlo was rambling
+about his father's farm with a gun on his arm, merely to shoot the rooks
+and frighten away the sparrows, when a hare jumped out of her form and
+ran away straight before him. The opportunity was too tempting. Bang!
+went Carlo's gun, and poor pussy tumbled head over heels. Carlo looked
+round him with anxious glances, and fancying the coast was clear, took
+up his prize and put it in his pocket; but just as he was vaulting over
+a gate, Towser, the head-keeper at the park, emerged from behind the
+hedge, and, without a word, took Carlo's gun from his arm and the hare
+from his pocket. Carlo was no match for Towser, so he allowed himself to
+be led before the great Sir Vane without opposition. Towser related the
+whole of Carlo's terrible offence, which he had witnessed from behind
+the fence, and the indignant Sir Vane demanded the criminal's reply.
+Carlo assumed a bold and careless air; told the Baronet that he wished
+to have the hare for his dinner, and that he could see no harm in
+killing animals that were feeding on his father's corn. This enraged Sir
+Vane to such an extent that he started from his chair, seized the gun
+from Towser, and would certainly have shot Carlo on the spot, had not
+the youth sprung upon the Baronet, wrenched the gun out of his hands,
+and laid him sprawling on the floor. Towser ran to his master's
+assistance, and Carlo, without waiting for his sentence, jumped through
+the open window into the garden, flew across the lawn with the speed of
+a greyhound, and quickly put forty long miles between himself and
+Peacock Hall.
+
+Ten days afterwards Carlo read in "The Sportsman's Chronicle" that, much
+to the regret of his family and a numerous circle of admiring friends,
+Sir Vane Peacock had died suddenly of apoplexy, brought on by a fall.
+Not a word was said about the cause of the accident; indeed the Baronet,
+on his deathbed, remembering that he himself had commenced the outrage,
+had expressly forbidden Towser to mention it, and Carlo thought that he
+might as well return home at once.
+
+Sir Vane Peacock left no children, and the estates descended to his
+cousin, Sir Java Peacock, who, fortunately for Carlo, had been too long
+a witness of the evils arising from game-preserving to wish to continue
+them. Immediately after taking possession, the new landlord sent a note
+round, informing every tenant on his estate that he was at perfect
+liberty to shoot or course all the game he found on his own farm.
+
+It is said that from that time Carlo dined off roast hare and
+currant-jelly at least once in every week for the remainder of his
+life.
+
+[Illustration: THE DUEL.]
+
+
+
+
+MY NEIGHBOURS.
+
+A COUNTRY STORY. BY WARREN RABBITT.
+
+
+IN a charming retreat, upon the borders of a wood in Gloucestershire, I
+once enjoyed the society of some friends, named Leverett, with whom I
+was very intimate. They seemed to be the happiest little family in the
+world, subsisted mostly on the produce of their farm, and always
+welcomed a neighbour like myself with great hospitality. I resided at
+that time at a pleasant place called the Sandpits, not far from their
+abode, and I often looked in as I passed by, for half an hour's chat
+with the old lady, or to ask Jack or his brother Bob to take a stroll
+with me in the woods. The father was remarkable for his extreme caution,
+seldom went far from home, and never meddled with other people's
+affairs. It would have been well had his sons followed his example; but
+then I should not have had this tale to tell.
+
+Close by us, at the largest farm-house in the county, there lived a Mr.
+Chanticleer, one of the proudest and most irritable fellows I ever had
+the misfortune to meet with. To see the airs with which he strutted
+about his farm-yard, and drove all the ducks and geese flying to make
+way for him, often made Jack Leverett and myself laugh: but when he went
+out for a walk with his wife and daughters, his consequence appeared to
+be increased tenfold, and one wondered where the path was broad enough
+for him to walk upon.
+
+Mr. Chanticleer was extremely jealous of any intrusion upon his
+property, and warned off every one who did but set foot on his land. Tom
+Leverett knew this well enough, and knew what a pugnacious and litigious
+fellow his neighbour was, so he ought to have been more careful than to
+give Chanticleer any ground of complaint. Tom, it appears, had a great
+taste for botany, and often rose early to indulge in his favourite
+pursuit. One morning, in the ardour of his search for some particular
+plant, Tom crept through the hedge into one of his neighbour's fields;
+and so much absorbed was he in the discovery of some sweet-tasting grass
+which he had never before met with, that he did not notice the approach
+of Mr. Chanticleer, until that worthy was close upon him.
+
+Chanticleer, it appears, always made a practice of rising early; but
+though Tom had distinguished his voice--so loud you might have heard it
+half a mile off--calling to the people in the farm-yard, he did not at
+all expect a visit from him in the particular field that he was
+examining.
+
+"Well, sir," said Mr. Chanticleer to Tom, in an authoritative tone as
+he came close up to him, "may I ask what brings you here?"
+
+"I am studying botany," replied Tom.
+
+"Studying fiddlesticks!" cried his neighbour; "what business have you in
+my fields?"
+
+"I have examined all the plants on our side," answered Tom, meekly.
+
+"Then go back and examine them again," cried Mr. Chanticleer, putting
+himself in a great passion, "and don't let me see you here any more!"
+
+"You need not be angry, sir," said Tom, "I have done no mischief."
+
+"Angry, sir! what do you mean by angry?" spluttered out the other. "I'll
+teach you to tell me I'm angry!" and so saying, he thrust Tom with all
+his force into the hedge.
+
+Luckily there was a gap there, and Tom was able to get through, and thus
+escape from any further insult. He heard Chanticleer's voice shouting
+after him; Tom did not stay to listen, but ran towards the wood as fast
+as his legs would carry him.
+
+It so happened, that just before Tom reached home he met Captain
+Bulldog, an old officer of the Guards, who had retired on half-pay, with
+an extra pension for the loss of one of his legs, which he had left on
+the field, and to him Tom recounted all the circumstances of the
+assault. The Captain immediately told Tom that he had but one course to
+pursue, which was, to call Chanticleer out. Tom did not at first
+understand this phrase; but, on its being explained to him, his knees
+knocked together, and he begged the Captain to say nothing more of the
+matter. But the Captain, who owed Chanticleer a grudge, insisted that
+Tom should place himself entirely in his hands, took the poor youth to
+his own house, and did not let him rest till Tom had fairly indited a
+challenge. This the Captain had the great satisfaction of delivering
+personally to Mr. Chanticleer, who turned very red in the face on
+reading it, and made some little attempts at an apology. These the
+Captain would not listen to, saying, the insult was too great for
+apologies; and Chanticleer was at last obliged to refer him to his
+friend, Sir Wiley Reynard, of Underwood, to arrange a meeting.
+
+Poor Tom! I think I see him now, as he came with his long face to tell
+me of the scrape he had got into.
+
+"I would stay at home," said the unfortunate youth, with tears in his
+eyes, "but that I am afraid of offending Captain Bulldog, who will,
+perhaps, challenge me himself, if I don't fight Chanticleer; and of the
+two enemies," added Tom, forcing a faint smile, "you know which I should
+prefer."
+
+Afterwards, Tom told me where the meeting was to be; and as I thought my
+young neighbour might want a friend, I determined to be near at hand.
+
+It was about six o'clock on a cold, grey, autumn morning, that I
+concealed myself in a thicket by the side of Goose Common, and waited
+the arrival of the combatants. Captain Bulldog, with young Leverett by
+his side, were first on the field, and I could see that poor Tom shook
+in every limb. They did not wait long. A post-chaise soon came
+clattering along the road, and out of it jumped Sir Wiley Reynard,
+Doctor Crane, and Mr. Chanticleer. Sir Wiley and the Captain soon
+arranged the preliminaries, and Chanticleer walked boldly and jauntily
+to his post. Not so my friend. Poor Tom, fainthearted at all times, was
+now terrified to such a degree, that the Captain had absolutely to
+support him, or he would certainly have dropped. Presently, Sir Wiley
+gave the signal to fire; Tom complied at once, and sent his bullet
+flying somewhere above my head, about as wide of the mark as it well
+could be; and then, without waiting for the compliment of a return, off
+he started as fast as ever his legs carried him in his life, cleared the
+hedge at a bound, and ran straight into a thick wood. I nearly died with
+laughter, not only to see Tom run, but to behold the terrible look of
+the Captain, as he gazed after his flying friend; to watch the surprised
+and somewhat pleased look of Chanticleer, who seemed half inclined to
+fire after the fugitive; and to see the puzzled expression of Sir
+Wiley's face, and the comical grin on Dr. Crane's, as he tapped his box
+and offered the Baronet a pinch. After a few moments of silence, no one
+knowing what to do in such an unusual dilemma, the Captain walked up to
+Sir Wiley, and offered, if the Baronet were not satisfied, to fight
+either Mr. Chanticleer or the Baronet himself, whichever was preferred.
+But Sir Wiley replied very politely that he was perfectly satisfied with
+Captain Bulldog, and that he only regretted that the Captain should act
+for such a coward as Mr. Thomas Leverett. On this the Captain began
+abusing poor Tom so terribly, that I thought it best to beat a retreat
+and see after my runaway friend. When I arrived home I found him sitting
+in my little back-parlour, just as I expected. He had covered his face
+with his hands, and was crying bitterly. I comforted the poor fellow as
+well as I could, and did not give him the least grounds for suspecting
+that I had been a witness of his behaviour. In a little time he became
+calmer, and then he told me that the report of his own pistol had
+frightened him so much, that, for his life, he could not help running
+away.
+
+It was not many days after this that Tom came to me again, evidently in
+great pain; and, from the broken sentences that escaped him, I learned
+that as he and his brother Bob were walking in the public road,
+Chanticleer had met them; and after calling Tom by every abusive name he
+could think of, had ended by thrashing him with a riding-whip, till the
+unfortunate youth could scarcely stand. I thought this was carrying the
+matter too far, so I walked home with him to speak to his father about
+it. The old gentleman was very much excited at Tom's account of the
+quarrel; he had not heard a word about it till that day, and said that
+Chanticleer should pay dearly for what he had done; and as for Tom's
+mother, she fainted away at first, and ended by urging her husband to
+prosecute that rascal Chanticleer, even if it cost them their last grain
+of food. She thought but little of what she was saying then, but she
+remembered it afterwards.
+
+On that very afternoon old Mr. Leverett and Bob took the railway to
+Gloucester, and went at once to the celebrated lawyer, Mr. Sharpe
+Vulture, of Billocost Row. Mr. Vulture, who was just going home to
+dinner, and was both hungry and savage, heard their story with great
+impatience, told them to come again the next morning, and bade them good
+day. He thus saved his dinner hot, and pocketed an extra fee for an
+additional consultation. His client, little used to lawyers'
+pleasantries, thought this behaviour very strange; but as he had some
+relations close by the town, he resolved that he and Bob would spend the
+night with them, and they told me they were most hospitably entertained.
+
+On the next morning the father and son again called on the celebrated
+Mr. Sharpe Vulture, and this time with better success, for that worthy
+recommended that Mr. Leverett should first apply to a magistrate for a
+warrant against Mr. Chanticleer; and, secondly, that Tom should commence
+an action against him for the assault.
+
+To both these courses old Leverett offered no opposition; and on Bob's
+evidence Sir Simon Graveowl, a magistrate of noted wisdom, granted a
+warrant against Chanticleer, which Mr. Sharpe Vulture immediately gave
+to an active young policeman to execute. Now, it happened to be
+market-day at Gloucester, and as Mr. Chanticleer was a large consumer of
+barley, he usually attended the Corn Exchange during certain hours. This
+the policeman knew; so no sooner had he received the warrant than he
+walked straight to Mr. Chanticleer as he stood talking loudly to a large
+circle of friends and neighbours,--old Mr. Drake, young Mr. Gosling, Mr.
+Peacock, Mr. Pidgeon, Mr. Swann, and several others,--and forthwith
+arrested him. Poor Mr. Chanticleer! how crest-fallen he looked! All his
+crowing was stopped in a moment. He walked by the policeman's side in
+silence, and looked as much like a culprit as any thief that was ever
+found with the stolen goods in his possession.
+
+The policeman, thrown off his guard by Chanticleer's quietness, walked
+by his side without holding him, and of this my neighbour was not slow
+to avail himself; for just as they had passed a narrow street, he
+suddenly ran back, and, with a loud noise, flew along the pavement as if
+twenty Sharpe Vultures were pursuing him. The policeman was not slow to
+follow; and when the unfortunate Chanticleer was stopped by a sentinel
+at the gate of the barracks, he seized his prisoner with such violence
+by his red neck-tie, that he almost strangled him there and then.
+
+Old Leverett chuckled to himself, and was greatly delighted to see
+Chanticleer brought into the magistrate's room by two policemen, one
+holding him tightly by each arm. Mr. Sharpe Vulture immediately brought
+forward the accusation against the prisoner. Bob's evidence was taken:
+it was declared that Tom was too unwell from the effects of the assault
+to attend in person, and Mr. Chanticleer was fined five pounds. For this
+amount he immediately wrote an order on his bankers,--Brier, Primrose,
+and Whitethorn; and then, greatly to old Leverett's chagrin, the
+prisoner was discharged, and all parties left the court.
+
+Mr. Sharpe Vulture advised instant proceedings at law. Accordingly, an
+action was brought for damages; but through some _little_ informality,
+the plaintiff was defeated, and had to pay his own and Mr. Chanticleer's
+lawyers' costs. Mr. Sharpe Vulture advised a second action, which was
+tried, I remember, at the Assizes just twelve months after the assault
+complained of. Counsel were engaged on each side. Mr. Badger was for
+Chanticleer, and the Hon. Mr. Muff for the Leveretts. Badger had Captain
+Bulldog put into the witness-box, and the whole story of the duel was
+told in court, making even the learned judge roar with laughter. Badger
+proved, beyond a doubt, that Tom had well deserved castigation for his
+cowardice, and that Mr. Chanticleer had only laid his whip lightly
+across his shoulders; that Bob, as one of the family, was not to be
+believed; and that the defendant bore the highest character for
+gentleness of disposition. The Hon. Mr. Muff proved nothing, but that he
+richly deserved his name, and the jury returned a verdict for the
+plaintiff, damages one farthing.
+
+Poor old Leverett! this trial completely ruined him. Sharpe Vulture
+seized all his property, and the once happy little family were sent
+adrift on the wide world without a home.
+
+The last time I heard of them, the mother and the two sons were living
+in an humble way not far from the sea-side; the father was dead; Tom
+still continued his favourite study, but he always took great care not
+to trespass in other people's fields.
+
+[Illustration: MR. LEVERETT'S INTERVIEW WITH SHARPE VULTURE, ESQ.]
+
+[Illustration: THE DE MOUSAS.]
+
+
+
+
+THE DE MOUSAS.
+
+A TALE.
+
+
+IN one of those charming Italian villas lately built at Bayswater, live
+Mr. Persian and Lady Angora De Mousa, personages of much consequence in
+the society to which they belong. Late hours, and a somewhat gay life,
+have a little impaired Lady Angora's beauty; but she still attracts
+great admiration, and her husband is as proud of her as ever.
+
+A highly respectable couple, but of plainer pretensions than the De
+Mousas, reside in Cypress Cottage, a small house in the adjacent
+Gravel-pits,--Mr. Thomas and Mrs. Tabitha Tortoshell, with a family of
+one son and two daughters. Mr. De Mousa is of foreign extraction, but
+Mr. Tortoshell claims him as a cousin by his mother's side, and is not a
+little proud of the relationship.
+
+The De Mousas are in very easy circumstances, and indulge in many
+expensive luxuries, having Devonshire clotted cream every morning at
+breakfast, and a fricassee of some small deer, that they appear to be
+very fond of, for their supper. Their carriage is the handsomest in the
+villas; and _when_ they go to church, two pages always attend them.
+
+Before the arrival of the De Mousas--for they have but lately come from
+abroad--the Tortoshells lived in the most unpretending way; but within
+the last twelve months they have started a brougham, and a
+livery-servant with a gold-laced collar, much to the surprise of their
+neighbours, who wondered what sudden good fortune had befallen them. But
+I am sorry to say this extravagance was all owing to the vanity of Mrs.
+Tortoshell, who is most anxious to be introduced into society by Lady
+Angora De Mousa, as you shall hear.
+
+Mr. Tortoshell called on his cousin soon after his arrival in the
+neighbourhood of the Gravel-pits, and explained to him their
+relationship, which Mr. De Mousa, who is extremely well bred, professed
+great delight in hearing of, at the same time he invited the whole
+family of the Tortoshells to dinner on the next day. Lady Angora was not
+over-pleased at this arrangement, and assumed a haughty air when the
+Tortoshells came; but being naturally of a warm-hearted disposition, she
+quickly became attached to the elder daughter Minnie, though it must be
+confessed she showed no great partiality for the mamma. The son also,
+Young Tom as he was called, to distinguish him from his father, won the
+good opinion of Mr. De Mousa, by his shrewdness and his intimate
+knowledge of London life among certain classes. So the day passed
+pleasantly enough, and Mr. and Mrs. Tortoshell and their family all
+walked home with greater consequence than they had before assumed. But
+it happened to be a rainy evening, Mrs. Tortoshell spoiled her best
+velvet dress, and easily persuaded her husband that it would be more
+economical for them to keep a brougham. Mr. Tortoshell pretended to
+believe her, and bought one.
+
+One day, about a month after, as Lady Angora and her husband were about
+taking their usual promenade in Kensington Gardens, they were astonished
+at the appearance of a footman in the smartest of liveries, who, instead
+of going as usual to the servants' gate, came straight up to them, and
+delivered a letter to Mr. De Mousa, who abruptly tore open the envelope,
+read the contents of the note, and handed it to his wife. Lady Angora,
+seeing it was an invitation from the Tortoshells to dinner on that day
+week, tossed her head as she gave it back, and Mr. De Mousa blandly
+informed the servant--a stupid lout, who had been bred in a
+farm-yard--that he would communicate with Mr. Tortoshell.
+
+All down the broad walk in Kensington Gardens, all across by the
+flower-gardens, and all up the path by the ha-ha, Lady Angora talked of
+nothing but the impudence of the Tortoshells, vowing and protesting that
+nothing on earth should induce her to visit them. But her good-natured
+husband was more inclined to treat the matter as a joke, and, by dint of
+persuasion and raillery, before they reached home he had induced Lady
+Angora to accept the invitation "for this once." A polite answer was,
+therefore, immediately despatched.
+
+The week elapsed. Mrs. Tabitha had worked herself into a perfect fever
+of anxiety; and her poor daughters, Minnie and Katty, were tired to
+death with their labour in carrying out their mother's injunctions. The
+dinner-hour was fixed for six o'clock. At half-past five Mrs. Tabitha
+was still adding vermicelli to the soup, Minnie and Katty were still
+turning out jellies and blanc-manges, and Sappy the footman was still
+cleaning the plate. Mr. Tortoshell was sitting uneasily by the window
+endeavouring to read "The Times," and young Tom was flying home from the
+City in a Hansom's cab at the rate of twelve miles an hour.
+
+At a quarter past six, Mr. De Mousa and Lady Angora arrived. Neither
+Mrs. Tortoshell nor her daughters were ready to receive them. Sappy was
+in his shirt-sleeves, and the maids were not fit to be seen; so Mr.
+Tortoshell had to open the door, receive his company, and usher them
+into his drawing-room himself. Mr. De Mousa looked at his watch and said
+he was afraid they were early, which rather confused Mr. Tortoshell; but
+the cousins soon got to talking of the beautiful weather, and the
+beautiful moonlight nights, and Lady Angora amused herself by playing
+with a young kitten on the hearth-rug.
+
+At half-past six Mr. Tortoshell said he really must see why his wife and
+daughter did not come, and for that purpose left the room. Lady Angora
+looked at her husband, who, well-bred as he was, could not help
+observing, with a broad smile, that "such manners were enough to make a
+cat laugh."
+
+At length Mrs. Tabitha and her two daughters appeared, very smartly
+dressed, but not very much at their ease, and a moment afterwards Sappy
+announced dinner. Mr. De Mousa escorted Mrs. Tabitha with much graceful
+dignity, and Mr. Tortoshell followed with Lady Angora; Young Tom just
+rushing into the room in time to offer his attendance to his sisters,
+who could not but wonder what extraordinary business could have kept him
+so late in the City. Dinner was served. The rats'-tail soup was burnt;
+Lady Angora could not touch it: but Sappy, in removing the plate,
+managed to spill a considerable quantity over her ladyship's dress. The
+fish was overdone on one side, and nearly raw on the other; so her
+ladyship could not eat that. The fowls were old and tough; the venison
+had not been hung long enough, and Minnie had forgotten the
+currant-jelly. The blanc-mange and the ices had somehow been placed near
+the kitchen fire; and, to crown all, Lady Angora declared that the only
+dish she cared for was fricasseed mice. Mrs. Tabitha, excited to
+desperation, jumped up from her seat with an expression of horror, as
+though she had been dining with a cannibal; but the effort was too much
+for her, for she immediately fell back in a swoon. Minnie flew to her
+mamma's assistance, Katty rushed for the eau de Cologne, old Tom and
+young Tom both rang the bells, and did nothing but create confusion; and
+Mr. De Mousa and Lady Angora, without staying for a formal leave-taking,
+quitted the room and the house with evident precipitation.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Since that day the cousins have not visited. Mr. Tortoshell has
+discovered that a carriage is not so _very_ economical; and when by
+chance he meets Mr. De Mousa, his attention is sure to be attracted by
+something on the top of a neighbouring house. Mrs. Tabitha often reads
+of Lady Angora in the "Morning Post," but she has never been heard to
+mention that her ladyship has dined at Cypress Cottage.
+
+[Illustration: THE MARRIAGE SETTLEMENT.]
+
+
+
+
+ROOKWOOD HALL.
+
+
+IN a quiet village in Cumberland, far retired from the great world,
+there stands a noble old red-brick mansion, partly in ruins, and mostly
+covered with ivy, which ever attracts the attention of the wayfarer who
+passes through that remote district. For many years Rookwood Hall--so is
+it called--has been in the possession of the ancient family of the
+Rookes; father and son have grown up beneath the shade of the grand old
+elms that line the majestic avenue and all but surround the mansion, and
+the bones of twenty generations of Rookes now lie together beneath the
+adjacent sod. Five years since the last of the family, Sir Whitewing
+Rooke, was killed as he was returning towards home on a quiet autumn
+evening. He was found lying under one of the tall elm-trees in the
+avenue, pierced with a bullet that had passed through his heart. Whether
+this occurred by accident or design, no one could ever tell; but there
+were dark suspicions afloat, and rumour said that the Rookes were not
+without their enemies.
+
+Lady Rooke, the childless widow, mourned long for her husband, rarely
+ventured beyond the boundary of the park, but spent most of her time in
+endeavouring to benefit the neighbouring farmers, who had not gratitude
+enough even to thank her for her services.
+
+There was one exception. Young Gamecock, the owner of a small estate
+adjoining Rookwood Park, was full of gratitude, and often called upon
+Lady Rooke to thank her for her kindness. Mr. Gamecock was an
+exceedingly good-looking fellow, dressed handsomely, always wore spurs,
+and had more manners than any other farmer within twenty miles; and,
+therefore, it is not to be wondered at that Lady Rooke somewhat
+encouraged these gratitude-visits. Her Ladyship often complained how
+dull and lonely she was, living without a protector in that old mansion,
+whose walls were covered with ghastly portraits of departed Rookes; and
+whose ancient casements rattled at night when the wind blew in its
+fitful fancies, and made the very stairs groan as it rushed up and down
+in its capricious impetuosity.
+
+Young Gamecock listened to the good dame's stories, told her _he_ knew
+no fear, that the wind might whistle as it willed for him; and that if
+he owned such a mansion, that the old pictures should decorate the
+garrets, where the bats and sparrows held undisputed possession.
+
+At last people began to notice that young Gamecock went very often to
+Rookwood Hall, and many surmises were soon afloat. Mr. Crow, a cousin
+of the deceased Baronet's, laughed at the silly talk, as he called it,
+and said that her Ladyship was about to make Mr. Gamecock her bailiff.
+Mr. Howlet, the solicitor from the neighbouring village, shook his head,
+looked "wondrous wise," but said nothing; and that pert gentleman, Mr.
+Sparrow, reported that he had peeped in at the window one day, and knew
+more than he chose to tell. So matters went on for a time. At last, one
+fine day Mr. Howlet was seen to drive up to the Hall, and take in with
+him a large document. The whole village was astir: something must be
+going on, every one said; and within two days it was known that the
+document in question was a marriage-settlement, and that the wedding of
+Lady Rooke and young Mr. Gamecock was to take place in the following
+week.
+
+Alas, for the uncertainty of this world! No sooner did the news of the
+approaching marriage reach the ears of Mrs. Partlett and her
+daughters--the aunt and cousins of Mr. Gamecock--than they vowed it
+should never be. It appears that Mr. Gamecock had long been affianced to
+Miss Hennie Partlett, and the news of his desertion so preyed on her
+delicate constitution, that she pined away and lost all her good looks.
+Fired at the indignity offered to his family, her brother Redcomb sought
+his opportunity, met Mr. Gamecock as he was crossing the lawn in front
+of Rookwood Hall, and challenged him to mortal combat. Gamecock, in
+haste to visit his betrothed, passed on without heeding his adversary;
+but the valiant Redcomb flew at him, and with one stroke beat him to the
+earth. Gamecock rose, shook himself, and attacked Redcomb with such
+impetuosity, that at first he retreated; but, collecting his strength,
+he returned to the attack, and Gamecock again bit the dust. Lady Rooke
+was sitting by a window, watching for the arrival of her lover, whence
+she saw the whole of this deadly contest. At Gamecock's second fall she
+flew to his rescue, and arrived just as a fresh battle was begun. Urged
+by her fears for her beloved, her Ladyship threw herself between the
+combatants; but it was at a most unlucky moment, for a blow from Redcomb
+struck her on the temples, and she fell senseless between them. The
+combatants forgot their quarrel, and carried the poor lady into the
+room; a messenger was despatched for Dr. Stork, but before he could
+arrive, her Ladyship had breathed her last.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Rookwood Hall passed into another family of the Rookes, distantly
+related; and after two years dallying, Miss Hennie Partlett, forgetting
+former grievances, became Mrs. Gamecock, and Redcomb gave her away.
+
+[Illustration: MR. TRUNK AND HIS ADVISERS.]
+
+
+
+
+CITY PEOPLE.
+
+
+MR. TRUNK, the great East India merchant, is an individual of immense
+weight in the City. Wherever he appears the crowd make way for him, and
+bestow upon him marked attention. His particular friend is old Mr.
+Parrot, whose connexions lie with the West Indies and South America, and
+who boasts of his relationship with the celebrated Macaw family.
+Whenever there is a sudden rise in sugar or tobacco, Mr. Parrot
+immediately goes on 'Change to consult his great friend, Mr. Trunk, as
+to the course he should pursue; and the united wisdom of the two
+merchants generally produces a result favourable to Mr. Parrot's
+interests.
+
+Mr. Trunk lives in a large house in the Regent's Park, where he
+entertains very many visitors, in a way peculiar to himself, his chief
+pleasure consisting in the offer of his carriage for a ride round his
+beautiful gardens; for which, by way of joke, he always demands a cake
+or a bun from each visitor. His son, too, Master Suckling Trunk,
+contributes much to the gratification of the guests; and certainly he
+is a very amusing youth, such as one does not often meet with.
+
+Two years ago Mr. Trunk was greatly annoyed by the arrival of a young
+black prince from the banks of the Nile, who took a house close by him
+in the Park, and, much to Mr. Trunk's mortification, completely outshone
+him in the grandeur of his entertainments. All the fashionable and
+mercantile world flocked to the mansion of Prince Ippo, and considered
+it a great condescension if His Highness would but favour them with a
+sight of his eyes and ears.
+
+The great Mr. Trunk, he who had never known a rival near his throne,
+felt deeply the slight cast upon him, and vowed to be revenged on his
+sable adversary. He talked of his grievance to old Mr. Parrot, till that
+worthy felt as indignant as his friend; but, as he could suggest no
+method of vengeance, Mr. Trunk called to his counsel, the celebrated
+City conveyancer, Mr. Starling.
+
+"You see, sir," said old Mr. Parrot, when the three had met in
+consultation, "this black young fellow is an upstart; he has nothing to
+recommend him but his exceeding ugliness and his extreme inhospitality.
+Do you know, sir," he continued, addressing the conveyancer, "some
+ladies of my family paid him a visit the other day, and the brute--yes,
+sir, I say the brute--had the ill manners to send word by his attendant
+that His Highness was in the bath and would not be disturbed?"
+
+"I wonder," growled Mr. Trunk, "that, as the ladies had so much
+curiosity, they did not go and see him in his bath."
+
+"Well, the fact is," replied Mr. Parrot, "that they did try, but the
+monster would only just show them the tip of his nose."
+
+"He has become quite a nuisance to the neighbourhood," said Mr. Trunk.
+
+"I wonder," observed the conveyancer, "if the Alderman could put him
+down?"
+
+"Put _him_ down!" growled Trunk again; "the fellow's too fat. You might
+as well try to put down a whale!"
+
+"Then what can _we_ do?" said the conveyancer. "Could we manage to drown
+him in his bath?"
+
+"A likely idea!" returned the great merchant. "Do you not know that the
+fellow lives half his life in the water, and can swim as well as a
+fish?"
+
+"Can we bring an action for ejectment?" suggested Mr. Starling. "Can we
+not discover some flaw in his title-deeds?"
+
+"I wish you'd try," answered the merchant. And the result of this
+conspiracy against the offending Prince was, that Mr. Starling, by some
+means best known to himself, obtained a copy of the title-deeds he
+wanted, and soon picked two or three holes in them.
+
+This good news he quickly communicated to the City merchants, who were
+delighted beyond measure. An action was immediately commenced against
+Prince Ippo, who did not seem in the least concerned about it, but took
+his bath and drank his twenty bottles a-day as usual. The conveyancer
+met with but little opposition, and gained the day.
+
+Mr. Trunk and old Parrot were in raptures at the result. They warmly
+congratulated Mr. Starling, and the three conspirators rejoiced over a
+handsome dinner, which the great merchant gave on the occasion. But,
+alas! their delight was of short duration: the friends of Prince Ippo
+took up his cause, appealed against the decision, and after two trials,
+threw the case into Chancery.
+
+There it is likely to remain.
+
+[Illustration: MR. PORCUPINE'S STUDIO.]
+
+
+
+
+THE PORTRAIT-PAINTER.
+
+
+MANY years ago there lived a celebrated artist who became very famous
+for his portraits of the great men of the day. His name was Porcupine.
+It is recorded, that noblemen of the highest rank used to visit his
+studio, take luncheon with him, and honour him with their criticism.
+
+In his earlier time he was much patronised by two of the great nobility,
+both members of the Dilettante Society, who did much to bring the young
+artist into notice--these were the great Lord Forestking and the
+well-remembered Sir Hyde Jungle. His Lordship's patronage had, in the
+first instance, been solicited for Mr. Porcupine by an eccentric
+individual, a Mr. Munkey, a hanger-on of the aristocracy, who aped their
+manners, but who had little of his own. He had met with Porcupine in the
+country, had expressed great admiration at his peculiar talent, and
+promised, if he would visit London, to introduce him to the very first
+society. Mr. Porcupine, innocently believing him, left his country
+hedgerows, and took a garret in a back-street in London. It was here
+that Lord Forestking first visited him, and gave him the commission to
+paint his portrait.
+
+Porcupine generally had an old friend with him, whom he had long known
+in the country, who had come to see the town, and who lodged in the same
+house. His name was Dobbin.
+
+When Porcupine had made some advancement in the portrait, Lord
+Forestking and his friend, Sir Hyde, came one day to inspect it,
+attended by the ever meddling Mr. Munkey. His Lordship seated himself in
+a chair opposite the picture, and expressed himself very much satisfied
+with the likeness, declaring, that he never before knew that he was so
+handsome a fellow.
+
+"The portrait is--ah--very well, and the painting is--ah--admirable,"
+said Sir Hyde; "but do not you think--ah--that the nose is a _leetle_
+too long? and are you sure," addressing Porcupine, "that the left eye is
+not--ah--slightly awry?"
+
+"I have not remarked it," returned Mr. Porcupine, meekly.
+
+"The colouring is excellent; but--ah--'pon my honour, I never saw his
+Lordship wear a coat of that tint; and do not you think the hair is
+_rayther_ darker than his Lordship's?"
+
+"Perhaps," suggested Mr. Porcupine, "you would see it better in another
+light;" and he immediately moved the easel.
+
+"Do you know," said Mr. Munkey to Mr. Dobbin--they were at the other end
+of the room--"Sir Hyde Jungle is esteemed one of our finest critics in
+the arts? He has visited most of the great Continental galleries, and
+can tell you the dimensions of every celebrated picture, and the exact
+spot on which it is hung."
+
+"How _can_ one individual be the possessor of so much learning!" said
+Dobbin. "I cannot even remember the dimensions of the common in my
+native village, though I have been round it often and often."
+
+"Oh! Sir Hyde is, as you remark, a possessor of great learning. He
+studies anatomy too, and is very fond of dissecting all kinds of
+animals. I am told that no professor at St. Bartholomew's can do it more
+rapidly."
+
+"What a wonderful individual!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"Ah! now that I see it better," said the Baronet, "I think the hair as
+near right as it can be; but--ah--you have given his Lordship
+two--ah--curls on the left temple, which I do not think his Lordship
+ever has."
+
+"Would your Lordship wish to have them taken out?" inquired Porcupine.
+
+"'Pon honour, Sir Hyde," said his Lordship, "I really think the
+portrait is a very good one; and I like those two curls so much, that
+I'll make my barber give them to me to-morrow morning."
+
+"I perfectly agree with your Lordship," replied the connoisseur; "and if
+Mr. Porcupine will but attend to the suggestions I have thrown out, this
+picture will make his fortune;" and the learned critic began to put on
+his gloves and seek his hat.
+
+The Lord and the Baronet wished the artist good morning, and, with their
+attendant, departed.
+
+Poor Porcupine threw himself into his chair, and gazed wistfully at the
+picture. His first thought was to thrust his foot through the canvass,
+but the word "suggestions" and "make his fortune" rang in his ears, and
+he burst into a long loud laugh.
+
+"He is very learned, that Sir Hyde Jungle," observed his friend, Mr.
+Dobbin, at the conclusion of the laugh.
+
+"A very learned man," said Porcupine.
+
+"And did he not promise to make your fortune?"
+
+"He did," replied the artist; "and if he can he may."
+
+The next time Sir Hyde saw the portrait, he thought the nose and the
+eyes were quite right--the tone of colour on the coat admirable--and the
+hair marvellously exact. The day after, Lady Jungle and several friends
+came to see the picture, and one gave Mr. Porcupine a commission for a
+portrait of her darling Wilhelmina. A rush of orders followed, and the
+great Sir Hyde Jungle did what the artist never believed, he kept his
+promise, and, by his wonderful talk, made Mr. Porcupine's fortune.
+
+
+
+
+THE STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE EXHIBITION.
+
+A STORY. BY POLICEMAN X X.
+
+
+ONE night as I was a-going my rounds, seeing that all things were right,
+I felt so tired and drowsy that I could hardly keep awake; so, when I
+came to the Stuffed Animals, I lay down on the bench there to rest
+myself. I have heard of many marvellous things, but nothing that ever I
+knew of equals the story I am going to tell you.
+
+I had not been lying on the bench five minutes--not more than ten
+minutes certainly--when I heard a confused noise as if a crowd of
+visitors had been let into the building. You may be sure I was
+astonished, but fancying there might be something in the wind, I kept
+still and breathed very softly. Presently a large party came into the
+passage where the Stuffed Animals were, and you may imagine how I did
+stare--sure enough they were a lot of the beasts from the Zoological
+Gardens. But the most curious thing was, that many of them were dressed
+just like Christians. First came the big Elephant, putting me in mind,
+for all the world, of Mr. Trunk, the great City merchant; then the
+Hippopotamus, with a fez cap on exactly like the Abyssinian prince,
+Ippo, that was in the Exhibition a few days before; then a Kangaroo,
+with a smart bonnet and shawl, in the same style as Mrs. Jumper's; then
+a Wild Boar, looking like a country lout in a smock-frock; then a
+Beaver, no better dressed than one of our navvies, and who stamped on
+the Cat's toes, and made her squeak out so shrilly, that she made my
+ears tingle; then came a Parroquet, dressed like a dandy, and with him
+were two fashionable birds, Miss Cockatoo and Miss Snowy Owl; then
+followed an old Crocodile, looking like one of those withered Indian
+nurses, and in her arms she carried a young Frog that might have been an
+Indian baby. Besides these, there was a young Monkey, exactly like my
+brother's boy, Jack; a Mouse, dressed in the last-fashioned paletot; and
+a little thing that for a long time I could make nothing of, but I fancy
+they call her a Duck-billed Platypus.
+
+To have heard the remarks these animals made on their stuffed
+fellow-creatures would have made me die of laughter, but that I felt
+rather frightened and uncomfortable at my position so near them. The
+young Indian clapped his hands when he saw the two Frogs a-shaving, and
+the Snowy Owl flew up to see if the Great Horned Owl above her was
+really stuffed or not. The Cat seemed very much inclined to jump at the
+young Partridges; and the Mouse, dapper as he was, shrank back with
+fear when he caught sight of the Martins and Weasels.
+
+At length Dent's clock struck four. The noise seemed to frighten them
+away; for, when I jumped up, and rubbed my eyes, they were all gone, nor
+could I make out by which door they left.
+
+When I reported all this to my inspector, the only rewards I got were,
+to be told I had been dreaming, and to have my night's allowance of
+porter stopped for a fortnight.
+
+[Illustration: THE STRANGE VISITORS AT THE EXHIBITION.]
+
+[Illustration: LORD FALCON AND HIS LONDON GUESTS.]
+
+
+
+
+ALDERMAN GOBBLE'S AMBITION.
+
+
+NOT many years since, Mr. Alderman Gobble was a famous member of the
+Corporation of the City of London. No one was more esteemed at the great
+Guildhall feasts than he was. No one, at Christmas time, was more
+constant at the Mansion-House dinners, where he was invariably placed at
+the head of the table, close by the Lord Mayor.
+
+Mr. Gobble was born in Norfolk, at one of those fine old-fashioned
+farm-houses so frequently met with in that county, and was often heard
+to tell the tale of his first coming to London, on a bitterly cold day,
+when the whole country was covered with snow, on the top of the
+"Telegraph" coach. It was Christmas-Eve, in the year 1815, and the roof
+was crowded with such piles of turkeys, geese, hares, and pheasants,
+that he always said he had preserved an affection for them throughout
+his life.
+
+Some few years after his arrival in London, Mr. Gobble became a member
+of the Worshipful Company of Poulterers, and shortly afterwards he was
+elected Common-councilman by a great majority of the voters, who, to
+show their approbation of his excellence, invited him to a handsome
+dinner at Poulterers' Hall. In due time, the Common-councilman became an
+Alderman; and it was at a grand ball given on the occasion, that he fell
+in love with Miss Owlet, the daughter of a magistrate very celebrated
+for his wisdom. The wedding was attended by all the great City people;
+and after this union Mr. Gobble had the satisfaction of becoming the
+most popular member of the Corporation, and was more frequently than
+ever seen at the Corporation dinners.
+
+But the Alderman's ambition did not rest satisfied with municipal
+honours. He read the debates in the House of Commons, until he thought
+he could speak as well as most of them, and aspired to become a member
+of Parliament. In this laudable desire, he was greatly abetted by his
+beloved spouse, who was deeply impressed with the conviction that he
+would be one of the most eloquent members of the House.
+
+It happened that, about this time, the borough of Woodside became
+vacant. Mr. Rabbetson, the member, while on a visit to Earl Falcon, the
+owner of half the village of Woodside, was accidentally killed by his
+Lordship while they were out together for a day's sport.
+
+The Alderman no sooner heard of the accident than he flew home to his
+wife, and told her of the opportunity that had offered itself. By the
+next night's mail, Mr. and Mrs. Gobble travelled down to Woodside, and,
+on the following day, they hired a carriage and rode over to Lord
+Falcon's mansion. The servants at the gate said that his Lordship was
+too ill to see company; but, at the Alderman's pressing entreaty, their
+cards were taken, and soon afterwards they were ushered into the lofty
+apartments of Woodside Hall, and through the library into the Earl's
+private garden. There they found his Lordship walking up and down the
+terrace, evidently in a most unamiable state of mind. Mrs. Gobble drew
+back when she saw his fierce looks; and the Alderman, taking off his
+hat, seemed undecided whether it would not be advisable to beat a
+retreat before his Lordship ate them both up, for so he seemed inclined
+to do. At last Mr. Gobble told his errand, and solicited the favour of
+his Lordship's interest. If Earl Falcon was angry before, he was enraged
+to madness now; he screamed at his visitors, stamped his feet, and
+rushed at them, cane in hand, so impetuously, that the intruders flew
+away with all the haste they could, regained their carriage, and took a
+post-chaise back to London without delay.
+
+Alderman Gobble returned to town sadder, but wiser; and was never
+afterwards heard to talk of the honour of being a member of Parliament.
+
+As for the borough of Woodside, Lord Falcon gave to Mr. Weesel, the
+family lawyer, who, report said, was somehow the cause of the death of
+poor Mr. Rabbetson.
+
+
+
+
+MRS. STRUTT'S SEMINARY.
+
+
+THE bells of Farmfield's Church rang merrily when young Mr. Strutt
+married his neighbour's daughter, Miss Waddle. The school-children had a
+holiday, and the labourers at all the farms in the village dined off
+roast beef and plum-pudding. Young Mr. Strutt had passed the College of
+Surgeons, and set up in practice in London, in a new and fashionable
+neighbourhood at the West End; that is, he had hired two rooms in a
+respectable-looking house, and bargained to have his name on a great
+brass plate on the door. But neither his wedding nor his brass plate
+brought him any patients; and after a two years' trial, Mr. Strutt
+retired from the profession in disgust.
+
+It luckily happened that Mrs. Strutt's papa, Mr. Waddle, determined that
+his daughter should receive a _superior_ education, had sent her to a
+very distinguished seminary, where young ladies were taught the most
+wonderful accomplishments by the very first masters; but where,
+unfortunately, they did not include the art of making apple-dumplings.
+
+As Mrs. Strutt had no children of her own, she now determined to devote
+her acquirements to the benefit of the children of other people. So Mr.
+and Mrs. Strutt opened an "Academy for Young Ladies and Gentlemen" at
+Kentish Town; and, as good fortune would have it, they were soon
+intrusted with the care of half-a-dozen "boarders," who brought their
+own forks and spoons, and were the children of very genteel parents, at
+least so Mrs. Strutt told her visitors.
+
+One thing must be said, that both master and mistress were very kind and
+attentive to their young charges; and if they did not teach them much,
+it was simply because they did not know how.
+
+One fine summer's afternoon they all went together for a ramble in the
+Highgate Fields. The elder Master Hawke took his drum, and the younger
+had Mrs. Strutt's parasol; Miss Duckling's two brother's had a kite and
+a boat; and Charley Lighthair a whirligig. They flew the kite high up
+till they could hardly see it, and sent card-messengers of every colour
+up to it: they swam their boat in the pond; and when it sailed beyond
+their reach, Mr. Strutt pulled it back with his walking-cane: they ran
+races across the meadows, and tried to see who could get over the stiles
+first; and then when they were hot and tired, they all sat under the
+shade of the great elm-trees, and Mr. Strutt told them the following
+anecdote:--
+
+"Many years ago, as I was passing through the country town where I
+lived, my attention was drawn to a great crowd of people assembled round
+some apparently very amusing objects. Led by curiosity, I mixed in with
+them; and what did I behold but a fellow whom I had long known, named
+Bruin, teaching a monkey to perform all kinds of tricks? The animal
+stood on his head, and, with his hind feet, threw sticks up into the
+air; then he leaped on Mr. Bruin's head, and balanced himself on one
+hand, and jumped over the heads of the spectators; among whom, I
+remember, were my neighbours, Mrs. Kangaroo and her daughter; my
+shoemaker, old Pidgeon, and his little girl; Shark the lawyer; Mrs.
+Whinchat the milliner; a fellow named Ratt, who had been twenty times
+taken up for thieving; and the poulterer's son, Bill Goose. I wish you
+had been with them to have seen how Bruin made Jocko the monkey dance,
+and how all these folks laughed. They capered about finely to get out of
+his way; but at last Jocko jumped from his master's head on to Mrs.
+Whinchat's back, tore off her bonnet, and in two seconds put it on the
+head of little Miss Kangaroo. Oh, how the crowd shouted! Bruin tried to
+beat the animal, but he laughed too much to be able to catch him; and
+Jocko, pleased at his own performance, jumped on to Ratt's back, and the
+rascal ran half way down the street before the monkey would dismount.
+Bruin ran after them, and so great was the crowd that pursued, that he
+was glad to hide both himself and Jocko in an inn-yard."
+
+The young ones all laughed famously at this story; and then, as it was
+near tea-time, they set off home, where they had, for a treat, hot toast
+for tea, and a game at forfeits afterwards.
+
+So Mr. and Mrs. Strutt got on much better with the Seminary than the
+Surgery; and it is said that after a few years they had more than fifty
+boarders who used often to take rambles in the Highgate Meadows.
+
+
+London:--Printed by G. BARCLAY, Castle St. Leicester Sq.
+
+[Illustration: THE WALK TO HIGHGATE.]
+
+[Illustration: THE TRAVELLING SHOWMAN.]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Comical People, by Unknown
+
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