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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/23179-h.zip b/23179-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..95e7562 --- /dev/null +++ b/23179-h.zip diff --git a/23179-h/23179-h.htm b/23179-h/23179-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..945f809 --- /dev/null +++ b/23179-h/23179-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,923 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="us-ascii"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + Frictional Electricity, by Max Adeler + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Frictional Electricity, by Max Adeler + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Frictional Electricity + From "The Saturday Evening Post." + +Author: Max Adeler + +Release Date: October 24, 2007 [EBook #23179] +Last Updated: January 26, 2013 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRICTIONAL ELECTRICITY *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <div style="height: 8em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + FRICTIONAL ELECTRICITY + </h1> + <h2> + By Max Adeler + </h2> + <p> + Reprinted by permission of the author, Charles Heber Clark + </p> + <p> + From "The Saturday Evening Post." <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + I happened to visit the accident ward of St. Paracelsus' Hospital because + a friend of mine who is interested in the Flower Mission asked me to stop + there during my afternoon walk and give a few flowers to the sufferers. + </p> + <p> + When I had arranged the last half-dozen of the roses in a vase upon the + little stand by the bedside of one bruised and battered patient, he looked + at me gratefully, and said: + </p> + <p> + "Oh, thank you, sir! And would you mind, sir, stopping for a bit of talk? + I'm so lonely and miserable." + </p> + <p> + I sat upon the chair by the bed and with my hand smoothed the counterpane, + while the patient asked me: + </p> + <p> + "Do I really look like a burglar, sir, do you think?" + </p> + <p> + I hesitated to reply as I examined his face. It was really covered with + bandages, but his nose seemed swollen and there were bruises about both + eyes. + </p> + <p> + "I don't wonder you don't like to speak your mind when you see me here a + broken wreck, smashed all up and not looking a bit like myself, sir. But + if you would see me well and strong and all fixed up for going to church + you'd say right off that I don't favor no burglar in looks." + </p> + <p> + I asked the unfortunate man his name. + </p> + <p> + "Mordecai Barnes, sir, and I'm a journeyman plumber, sir, with a good + character, and don't take no second place in that business with no man. + How did I get here? What banged me all up into a shame and a disgrace like + this? Well, I'll tell you, sir, if you have the patience to listen, for it + does me good to talk who has been used so hard, and can get no attention + from the nurses or nobody in this here asylum. Do you understand about + frictional electricity, sir? No? I thought not; and well had it been for + me, for this shattered hulk that you see a-lying here, if I had never + heard of it neither! I'll tell you how it was, sir. My mate, George + Watkins, and there ain't no better man nowheres if you go clear round the + globe—George Watkins is one of these men with inquiring minds, + always a-hungering for knowledge, and so George off he goes week after + week to the lectures up at the Huxley Institute. You know it; in that + yallow building over by Nonpareil Square. And George often he told me + about the wonderful things he learned there, and among others he was fond + of explaining to me about frictional electricity. + </p> + <p> + "It seems, sir, for you may not know it any" more'n I knowed it until + George explained it to me, that there's three different kinds of + electricity. There's the kind you make with a steam engine, and the kind + you make with acid, and the kind you make with friction. Well, sir, would + you believe—or, let me say first, have you ever rubbed a black cat + on the back in a dark room and seen the sparks fly? Of course, and, sir, I + know it's almost beyond belief, but, positive, they told George Watkins, + my mate, up at the Huxley Institute, that them sparks and the aurora + borealis that you see sometimes a-lighting up the heavens is one and the + same thing! Wonderful, isn't it, sir, that Science should discover that a + black cat is some kind of kin to the aurora borealis? But George says + that's what they said, for the aurora borealis is caused by the earth + a-rolling around and rubbing the air just as the sparks is caused by + stroking the cat's back. + </p> + <p> + "And George he says that this here frictional electricity is the only kind + that'll cure pain. The steam-engine kind won't do it, and the acid kind + won't do it, but the frictional kind'll do it every time if you only know + how to apply it. + </p> + <p> + "Well, sir, now I pass to the sorrerful part of my story. There is a girl + named Bella Dougherty that does housework for a man named Muffitt, and a + mighty nice girl she is; or, I used to think her nice. Maybe you know + where Mr. Muffitt lives, on 149th Street, just above Parvin Street, the + third house on the left with white shutters. + </p> + <p> + "Anyhow, I got to be fond of Bella and often used to set and talk with her + in the evenings in Mr. Muffitt's kitchen, and maybe have two or three + other girls come in sometimes, with a few men; though I never cared, sir, + for much flocking together at such times, for Bella Dougherty she was good + enough company for me, just her and I by ourselves. + </p> + <p> + "Howsomdever, there was another man that had a kind of fancy for Bella + Dougherty, although in my opinion he isn't fit to wipe her feet on, and + his name is William Jones. + </p> + <p> + "This yer William Jones used to come intruding around there in Mr. + Muffitt's kitchen when he wasn't wanted and when he seen that me and Bella + would rather be a-setting there by ourselves. And so, sir, one night, just + to kill the time till he'd quit and go, I begun to tell them what George + Watkins said to me about the Huxley Institute and frictional electricity + being a sure cure for pain. + </p> + <p> + "And William Jones, a-winking at Bella Dougherty, as much as to say, sir, + that he'd be having the laugh on me, said he had a pain that minute in his + head from neuralgia and he'd bet me a quarter no frictional electricity + would drive it out. I know now what was the matter with the head of + William Jones. Not neuralgia, nor nothing of the sort, sir. It was vacuum. + My mate, George Watkins, tells me that at the Institute they say that + vacuum always produces pain, and that was the only thing the matter with + this William Jones I'm a-telling you about. + </p> + <p> + "I never take no dare, not from no man of that kind, anyways, sir, so I + bet him a quarter I'd cure him, and cure him with frictional electricity, + too. So he set down on the chair a-laughing and a-winking at Bella + Dougherty, who set over by the range holding the quarters; and I begun to + rub William Jones's eye-brows with my two thumbs; just gently, but right + along just like stroking a cat; keeping it up, a-rubbing and a-rubbing, + until at last I asked him how he felt now; and, you can imagine my + supprise, sir, when I seen that William Jones was fast asleep! I was + skeered at first; but in a minute I seen that I had hypnertized him + unbeknown to myself, and there set William Jones 's if he was froze stiff. + </p> + <p> + "I wa'n't so very sorry, sir, when I found out how things was a-going, + although if I could have seen what was the consequences of this strange + occurrence I'd 'a' seized my hat and bid Bella Dougherty good-by and + started straight for home. + </p> + <p> + "But, sir, of course I acted like a fool, for I'd read in the papers how a + man who hypnertizes another man can make him believe anything and do + anything, and so I thought I'd have some fun with William Jones and enjoy + a lovely, quiet evening with Bella Dougherty. + </p> + <p> + "So I says to William Jones: + </p> + <p> + "'Now, William, you're a little school-scholar oncet again and you've + missed your lesson, and so you just go over there in that corner by the + china closet and stand with your face to the wall and say over and over + your multiplication table till you know it right.' + </p> + <p> + "And so, to the supprise of Bella Dougherty, William Jones went right over + in the corner, like I told him, and there he stood, saying: 'Six sixes is + thirty-six, six sevens is forty-two,' and so on, whilst I set over with + Bella Dougherty peacefully enjoying ourselves just exactly 's if William + Jones wasn't anywheres about. + </p> + <p> + "And so, sir, it went on until Mrs. Muffitt she come down and said to + Bella Dougherty it was time to shut the house up, and then I bid her + good-night and told William to go home and go straight to bed, which he + did, and a-saying the multiplication table all the way down the street. He + would have said it all night, sir, I do believe, if I hadn't ordered him + to stop and to begin saying his prayers when I passed him in at his front + door. + </p> + <p> + "You may believe me, sir, that I had William Jones on my mind all night + and was a-worrying a little about him too, for fear maybe he'd never come + to. So around I goes the first thing in the morning to his boarding-house, + and his landlady tells me he had been a-saying his prayers all mixed up + like with the multiplication table ever since he come home the night + before. She was a bit troubled about it, sir, as you may imagine, for + William Jones was a good boarder and it 'd 'a' been money out of her + pocket if he had lost his mind. + </p> + <p> + "So, then, I seen William Jones and knowed at oncet that the hypnertizing + still had hold of him. Very well; I had no idea how to get him out of it + and it didn't hurt him nohow, so I just commanded William Jones to drop + the multiplication table and his prayers and to fix all his intellect in + the regular way on plumbing; and William Jones at oncet calmed down and + seemed his old self again. + </p> + <p> + "Then a wicked thought flashed into my mind. You know how it is yourself, + sir; you are tempted and you are weak and you fall, and then the first + thing you know, to be sure your sin'll find you out and there you are! + Here I am, a shattered hulk. It suddenly occurred to me, sir, that if I + could control William Jones, why not turn his affections away from Bella + Dougherty, who might take a fancy to him? who knows? women are so queer! + and direct his thoughts toward my own Aunt Maggie, who is a middle-aged + widder and not so bad-looking, and far too good for such a man as William + Jones, although to speak the plain truth I had no objections to having him + for an uncle by marriage. + </p> + <p> + "Therefore I did so, sir, and before the week was out I heard that William + Jones was plumbing in the most supprising manner, plumbing here and + plumbing there, and paying attentions vigorously, so to speak, to Aunt + Maggie every evening. + </p> + <p> + "In the meantime, sir, believe me, I did not lose time in my suit with + Bella Dougherty, who seemed real mad at William Jones when people began to + talk about his courting Aunt Maggie, so that in less than two weeks, when + Bella Dougherty heard that William Jones and Aunt Maggie had agreed to + marry, I got Bella Dougherty about as good as to say, although she never + quite said it square, that she would have me. + </p> + <p> + "I never knowed how it happened, sir, whether somebody waked William Jones + up or he just come to by himself, but, sir, anyhow, William Jones about + that time dropped hypner-tism and was himself again. Imagine, sir, how + things stood! There never was a man as mad as William Jones; mad with me, + and mad with Aunt Maggie, to whom he sent a cruel message that he wa'n't + marrying no grandmas, and that made Aunt Maggie mad; and then William + Jones sat down and wrote me a letter to the general effect that whenever + he met me my course in this life would be short. + </p> + <p> + "Naturally, sir, as you may believe, I kept out of William Jones's way, + for I am not fond of quarreling, and besides, William Jones is forty + pounds heavier, sir, than I am. + </p> + <p> + "But one night while I was setting in the kitchen at Muffitt's, having + some uplifting conversation with Bella Dougherty, there was a sudden knock + on the side door, and up she jumps, pale and skeered, and says: 'I do + believe that is William Jones. He said he might call, maybe, this + evening!' So, of course, as I never hunt trouble, I raised the window sash + over by the kitchen table at the back and went out just as William Jones + come in the side door. He kept the door open a-watching for me, and so as + I couldn't get to the gate I climbed over the high fence into the next + yard. + </p> + <p> + "I ought to have gone right home, sir, without stopping, but I hated to + leave William Jones there with Bella Dougherty, and me just driven out; + so, as it was raining hard and I had on my Sunday suit, what does I do but + try the latch on the kitchen door of the house next to Mr. Muffitt's, and + finding the door opened, in I walked and set down in a chair to await what + was going to happen. That was a bad job for me, sir! It isn't safe to take + one false step. + </p> + <p> + "For the next minute the inside door from the dining-room springs open and + a man jumps out and grabs me and says: 'I've got thee at last, have I!' He + was a Quaker, sir; a big man and with a grip like iron. I never knowed a + man with a grip like that. Did you ever, sir, have your fingers in the + crack of a door and somebody a-leaning hard on the door? That was the way + this Quaker held me. Then he calls out 'Amelia! Amelia!' and in a minute a + sweet old Quaker lady comes out with a candle, and he says to her: I've + caught that burglar, Amelia; thee get the clothes line.'" + </p> + <p> + "So the lady she gets the clothes line and that man he ties my hands and + my arms behind my back, good and tight, and then he made me set down and + he ties me to the chair, and at last he gives the rope two or three turns + around the leg of the kitchen table and says to me: 'Friend, thee can just + set there while I go to get an officer!' Gave me no chance to explain. + Took it all for granted; whereas if he would have listened to me I could + have cleared up the whole mystery in two minutes. + </p> + <p> + "So then, sir, out he goes for a policeman, and the old lady sets down in + a chair not far from me and said she was sorry I was so wicked and asked + me about my mother, and if I ever went to First-Day school, and a whole + lot of things. Then a thought seemed to strike her and she went into the + next room and came back with a book in her hand, and she said she would + read a good book to me while we waited for justice to take its course. + </p> + <p> + "She was lovely to look at, sir, with her tidy brown frock and the crape + handkerchief folded acrost her bosom and her cap and the smile on her + face; a sweet face, sir; an angel face; yes, sir, but sweet faces often + has cruel dispositions behind them. For then she told me that the book was + called Barclay's Apology for the People called Quakers, or something like + that, and she begun to read it to me. + </p> + <p> + "Have you ever read that book, sir? It is dedicated, I think, to Charles + the Second, and it begins with Fifteen Propositions, and she read every + one of them Propositions from first to last. Then she turned to the + section, sir, about Salutations and Recreations, and she read and read and + read until, sir, actually it made my head swim. + </p> + <p> + "Do you know, sir, is Barclay still alive—the man who wrote that + book? Is there no way of getting even with him? + </p> + <p> + "I couldn't get away. I might have walked out somehow with the chair + fastened to me; but I couldn't go, could I, sir, with the table tied to my + leg, and particularly if I had to climb the fence? So I had to set there + and be regarded as a burglar. + </p> + <p> + "But at last I <i>would</i> be heard, and I told her I was no burglar but + an innercent man; and then she looked in the index to find if Barclay had + anything interesting to say about the wickedness of telling falsehoods. + And then I said I was a member of the Baptist Society, and she said at + once she would read Barclay on the errors of that sect; but I insisted on + being heard, and I explained to her that I got into this trouble by trying + to cure William Jones by frictional electricity, and she said: 'Thee has + an ingenious and fruitful mind to invent such a story. Oh, that it had + been turned to better devices than following a life of evil!' + </p> + <p> + "'And it seems hard, too,' I said, 'that a perfectly respectable Baptist + plumber should be arrested as a burglar simply because he tried to relieve + the pain of William Jones by a scientific method invented by the Huxley + Institute.' + </p> + <p> + "Where is thy friend William Jones?' she asked. + </p> + <p> + "Do you know, sir, at that very moment you could hear through the + partition William Jones and Bella Dougherty laughing next door! It seemed + like mockery to me, a-setting there in chains, so to speak. + </p> + <p> + "'He is next door, ma'am,' I said, 'a-courting the hired girl.' + </p> + <p> + "'I will prove if thee is telling the truth,' she said, and she got up and + moved toward the door. + </p> + <p> + "'No, ma'am, no!' I said; 'please don't do that! William mustn't know that + I am here'; and so she comes back and sets down again, and picks up + Barclay, and looks sorrerful at me, and says: + </p> + <p> + "'It is wicked for thee to have such vain imaginations. Why does thee + persist in pretending that there is a William Jones?' And then she started + to look through Barclay to find if he had anything that would fit the + William Jones part of the case. + </p> + <p> + "What could I do? I daresn't call in William Jones to prove my innercence; + he was mad all over at me and a bigger man, too, and here I was tied; and + I couldn't call Bella Dougherty without William Jones knowing it. It was + hard, sir, for a man as innercent as a little babe to set there with that + sweet and smooth old lady considering him a shameless story-teller and + firing Barclay at him, now wasn't it, sir? Would you have called William + Jones, sir, under them there circumstances, and his laughter and Bella + Dougherty's still a-resounding through the partition? + </p> + <p> + "Well, sir, that policeman was a long time a-coming with the old Quaker. I + never knowed why; but Friend Amelia she set down again and turned over the + leaves of Barclay and begun oncet more to read about Salutations and + Recreations while, strange as it may seem to you, sir, I felt that I'd + rather see the policeman and be locked up in a dungeon than to hear more + of it. + </p> + <p> + "But, howsomdever, after a while in comes the Quaker and the officer with + him, and the very first minute the officer seen me he says: + </p> + <p> + "'I reckernize him as an old offender.' + </p> + <p> + "'No you don't!' says I; 'I'm no old offender nor a young offender. I'm a + perfeckly honest Baptist plumber, and I kin prove it, too.' + </p> + <p> + "'How kin you prove it?' says the officer. + </p> + <p> + "'By William Jones,' says I, 'who is a-setting in that kitchen right next + door, a-wooing the hired girl.' + </p> + <p> + "I was bold about it, sir, because I knowed William Jones daresn't strike + at me while the officer was there. + </p> + <p> + "'We'll see about that,' says the officer, and in he goes to Mr. Muffitt's + yard next door and comes back with William Jones. I have no use for a man + like William Jones. What do you think he does, sir? Why, he looks me over, + from head to foot, in a blank sort of a way, and then, turning to the + policeman, he says: 'I don't know the man, officer; never seen him + before'; then that low-down plumber walks out and leaves me there and goes + back, and in a minute I hear him and Bella Dougherty a-laughing worse than + ever. + </p> + <p> + "'I thought not,' says the officer, slipping the handcuffs on me, 'and so + now you come right along.' And Friend Amelia looked mournful at me and + says to me she would come around regular and read Barclay to me in my cell + after I was convicted. + </p> + <p> + "And so, sir, to make a long story short, I was took up before the + magistrate and held for burglary, and my mate, George Watkins, went my + bail and so I was let go. + </p> + <p> + "I might stop here, sir, but I must tell you that the following Thursday I + met William Jones up a kind of a blind alley where I was working, while he + was working in a house on the opposite side. He had me in a corner where + there was no chance to run, so I put on a bold face and went right up to + him and says: + </p> + <p> + "'William, there's been some differences betwixt us, but I'm not the man + to bear grudges and I forgive you." + </p> + <p> + "'What's that?' says he, savage. + </p> + <p> + "'Why,' says I, 'the whole thing is just one of them unpleasant + misunderstandings'; and then I started to explain to him about the Huxley + Institute theory of frictional electricity and the aurora borealis. + </p> + <p> + "I can't tell what he said, sir, in reply, with reference to the aurora + borealis, because I'm a decent man and never use no low language; but + suddenly he jumped on me, and the first thing I knowed I was being lifted + in the ambulance and fetched to this yer hospital. Was it right, sir, do + you think, for William Jones to strike me foul, like that, while I was + trying to state my case to him? No, sir. But that's not the worst of it. + Last Tuesday word came to me that Bella Dougherty had throwed me over and + is going to marry William Jones on Decoration Day! Think of that, sir!" + and Mordecai Barnes turned his head upon his pillow and moaned. + </p> + <p> + Turning again toward me, he was about to resume his statement, when + suddenly he exclaimed: "Why, there's Aunt Maggie." + </p> + <p> + A woman of fifty years, nicely clad, came to the bedside and said to him + coldly: + </p> + <p> + "Is that you, Mordecai Barnes?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Aunt Maggie." + </p> + <p> + "I'm ashamed of you, Mordecai Barnes," said she; "ashamed of you. It + served you right. You got just what was comin' to you. I wish William had + banged you worse." + </p> + <p> + Mordecai Barnes groaned. + </p> + <p> + "And more than that," continued Aunt Maggie, glaring at him through her + spectacles, "I've torn up my old will which named you my sole heir and + made a new one and left all my property to this yer very hospital." + </p> + <p> + With these words Aunt Maggie walked away and left the room. + </p> + <p> + Mordecai Barnes could not speak for a few minutes. He looked as if death + would be welcome. Then, pulling the bedclothes up under his chin and + closing his eyes wearily, he said: + </p> + <p> + "Curse the day, say I, when George Watkins first went to the Huxley + Institute and heard about frictional electricity." + </p> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Frictional Electricity, by Max Adeler + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRICTIONAL ELECTRICITY *** + +***** This file should be named 23179-h.htm or 23179-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/1/7/23179/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Frictional Electricity + From "The Saturday Evening Post." + +Author: Max Adeler + +Release Date: October 24, 2007 [EBook #23179] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRICTIONAL ELECTRICITY *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + +FRICTIONAL ELECTRICITY + +By Max Adeler + +Reprinted by permission of the author, Charles Heber Clark, from "The +Saturday Evening Post." + + +I happened to visit the accident ward of St. Paracelsus' Hospital +because a friend of mine who is interested in the Flower Mission asked +me to stop there during my afternoon walk and give a few flowers to the +sufferers. + +When I had arranged the last half-dozen of the roses in a vase upon +the little stand by the bedside of one bruised and battered patient, he +looked at me gratefully, and said: + +"Oh, thank you, sir! And would you mind, sir, stopping for a bit of +talk? I'm so lonely and miserable." + +I sat upon the chair by the bed and with my hand smoothed the +counterpane, while the patient asked me: + +"Do I really look like a burglar, sir, do you think?" + +I hesitated to reply as I examined his face. It was really covered with +bandages, but his nose seemed swollen and there were bruises about both +eyes. + +"I don't wonder you don't like to speak your mind when you see me here a +broken wreck, smashed all up and not looking a bit like myself, sir. But +if you would see me well and strong and all fixed up for going to church +you'd say right off that I don't favor no burglar in looks." + +I asked the unfortunate man his name. + +"Mordecai Barnes, sir, and I'm a journeyman plumber, sir, with a good +character, and don't take no second place in that business with no man. +How did I get here? What banged me all up into a shame and a disgrace +like this? Well, I'll tell you, sir, if you have the patience to listen, +for it does me good to talk who has been used so hard, and can get +no attention from the nurses or nobody in this here asylum. Do you +understand about frictional electricity, sir? No? I thought not; and +well had it been for me, for this shattered hulk that you see a-lying +here, if I had never heard of it neither! I'll tell you how it was, sir. +My mate, George Watkins, and there ain't no better man nowheres if +you go clear round the globe--George Watkins is one of these men with +inquiring minds, always a-hungering for knowledge, and so George off +he goes week after week to the lectures up at the Huxley Institute. You +know it; in that yallow building over by Nonpareil Square. And George +often he told me about the wonderful things he learned there, and among +others he was fond of explaining to me about frictional electricity. + +"It seems, sir, for you may not know it any" more'n I knowed it until +George explained it to me, that there's three different kinds of +electricity. There's the kind you make with a steam engine, and the +kind you make with acid, and the kind you make with friction. Well, sir, +would you believe--or, let me say first, have you ever rubbed a black +cat on the back in a dark room and seen the sparks fly? Of course, and, +sir, I know it's almost beyond belief, but, positive, they told George +Watkins, my mate, up at the Huxley Institute, that them sparks and the +aurora borealis that you see sometimes a-lighting up the heavens is +one and the same thing! Wonderful, isn't it, sir, that Science should +discover that a black cat is some kind of kin to the aurora borealis? +But George says that's what they said, for the aurora borealis is caused +by the earth a-rolling around and rubbing the air just as the sparks is +caused by stroking the cat's back. + +"And George he says that this here frictional electricity is the only +kind that'll cure pain. The steam-engine kind won't do it, and the acid +kind won't do it, but the frictional kind'll do it every time if you +only know how to apply it. + +"Well, sir, now I pass to the sorrerful part of my story. There is a +girl named Bella Dougherty that does housework for a man named Muffitt, +and a mighty nice girl she is; or, I used to think her nice. Maybe you +know where Mr. Muffitt lives, on 149th Street, just above Parvin Street, +the third house on the left with white shutters. + +"Anyhow, I got to be fond of Bella and often used to set and talk with +her in the evenings in Mr. Muffitt's kitchen, and maybe have two or +three other girls come in sometimes, with a few men; though I never +cared, sir, for much flocking together at such times, for Bella +Dougherty she was good enough company for me, just her and I by +ourselves. + +"Howsomdever, there was another man that had a kind of fancy for Bella +Dougherty, although in my opinion he isn't fit to wipe her feet on, and +his name is William Jones. + +"This yer William Jones used to come intruding around there in Mr. +Muffitt's kitchen when he wasn't wanted and when he seen that me and +Bella would rather be a-setting there by ourselves. And so, sir, one +night, just to kill the time till he'd quit and go, I begun to tell them +what George Watkins said to me about the Huxley Institute and frictional +electricity being a sure cure for pain. + +"And William Jones, a-winking at Bella Dougherty, as much as to say, +sir, that he'd be having the laugh on me, said he had a pain that minute +in his head from neuralgia and he'd bet me a quarter no frictional +electricity would drive it out. I know now what was the matter with the +head of William Jones. Not neuralgia, nor nothing of the sort, sir. It +was vacuum. My mate, George Watkins, tells me that at the Institute they +say that vacuum always produces pain, and that was the only thing the +matter with this William Jones I'm a-telling you about. + +"I never take no dare, not from no man of that kind, anyways, sir, so +I bet him a quarter I'd cure him, and cure him with frictional +electricity, too. So he set down on the chair a-laughing and a-winking +at Bella Dougherty, who set over by the range holding the quarters; +and I begun to rub William Jones's eye-brows with my two thumbs; +just gently, but right along just like stroking a cat; keeping it up, +a-rubbing and a-rubbing, until at last I asked him how he felt now; and, +you can imagine my supprise, sir, when I seen that William Jones was +fast asleep! I was skeered at first; but in a minute I seen that I had +hypnertized him unbeknown to myself, and there set William Jones 's if +he was froze stiff. + +"I wa'n't so very sorry, sir, when I found out how things was a-going, +although if I could have seen what was the consequences of this strange +occurrence I'd 'a' seized my hat and bid Bella Dougherty good-by and +started straight for home. + +"But, sir, of course I acted like a fool, for I'd read in the papers how +a man who hypnertizes another man can make him believe anything and +do anything, and so I thought I'd have some fun with William Jones and +enjoy a lovely, quiet evening with Bella Dougherty. + +"So I says to William Jones: + +"'Now, William, you're a little school-scholar oncet again and you've +missed your lesson, and so you just go over there in that corner by the +china closet and stand with your face to the wall and say over and over +your multiplication table till you know it right.' + +"And so, to the supprise of Bella Dougherty, William Jones went right +over in the corner, like I told him, and there he stood, saying: 'Six +sixes is thirty-six, six sevens is forty-two,' and so on, whilst I set +over with Bella Dougherty peacefully enjoying ourselves just exactly 's +if William Jones wasn't anywheres about. + +"And so, sir, it went on until Mrs. Muffitt she come down and said to +Bella Dougherty it was time to shut the house up, and then I bid her +good-night and told William to go home and go straight to bed, which he +did, and a-saying the multiplication table all the way down the street. +He would have said it all night, sir, I do believe, if I hadn't ordered +him to stop and to begin saying his prayers when I passed him in at his +front door. + +"You may believe me, sir, that I had William Jones on my mind all night +and was a-worrying a little about him too, for fear maybe he'd never +come to. So around I goes the first thing in the morning to his +boarding-house, and his landlady tells me he had been a-saying his +prayers all mixed up like with the multiplication table ever since he +come home the night before. She was a bit troubled about it, sir, as +you may imagine, for William Jones was a good boarder and it 'd 'a' been +money out of her pocket if he had lost his mind. + +"So, then, I seen William Jones and knowed at oncet that the +hypnertizing still had hold of him. Very well; I had no idea how to get +him out of it and it didn't hurt him nohow, so I just commanded William +Jones to drop the multiplication table and his prayers and to fix all +his intellect in the regular way on plumbing; and William Jones at oncet +calmed down and seemed his old self again. + +"Then a wicked thought flashed into my mind. You know how it is +yourself, sir; you are tempted and you are weak and you fall, and then +the first thing you know, to be sure your sin'll find you out and there +you are! Here I am, a shattered hulk. It suddenly occurred to me, sir, +that if I could control William Jones, why not turn his affections away +from Bella Dougherty, who might take a fancy to him? who knows? women +are so queer! and direct his thoughts toward my own Aunt Maggie, who is +a middle-aged widder and not so bad-looking, and far too good for such +a man as William Jones, although to speak the plain truth I had no +objections to having him for an uncle by marriage. + +"Therefore I did so, sir, and before the week was out I heard that +William Jones was plumbing in the most supprising manner, plumbing here +and plumbing there, and paying attentions vigorously, so to speak, to +Aunt Maggie every evening. + +"In the meantime, sir, believe me, I did not lose time in my suit with +Bella Dougherty, who seemed real mad at William Jones when people began +to talk about his courting Aunt Maggie, so that in less than two weeks, +when Bella Dougherty heard that William Jones and Aunt Maggie had agreed +to marry, I got Bella Dougherty about as good as to say, although she +never quite said it square, that she would have me. + +"I never knowed how it happened, sir, whether somebody waked William +Jones up or he just come to by himself, but, sir, anyhow, William Jones +about that time dropped hypner-tism and was himself again. Imagine, sir, +how things stood! There never was a man as mad as William Jones; mad +with me, and mad with Aunt Maggie, to whom he sent a cruel message that +he wa'n't marrying no grandmas, and that made Aunt Maggie mad; and then +William Jones sat down and wrote me a letter to the general effect that +whenever he met me my course in this life would be short. + +"Naturally, sir, as you may believe, I kept out of William Jones's way, +for I am not fond of quarreling, and besides, William Jones is forty +pounds heavier, sir, than I am. + +"But one night while I was setting in the kitchen at Muffitt's, having +some uplifting conversation with Bella Dougherty, there was a sudden +knock on the side door, and up she jumps, pale and skeered, and says: +'I do believe that is William Jones. He said he might call, maybe, this +evening!' So, of course, as I never hunt trouble, I raised the window +sash over by the kitchen table at the back and went out just as William +Jones come in the side door. He kept the door open a-watching for me, +and so as I couldn't get to the gate I climbed over the high fence into +the next yard. + +"I ought to have gone right home, sir, without stopping, but I hated to +leave William Jones there with Bella Dougherty, and me just driven out; +so, as it was raining hard and I had on my Sunday suit, what does I +do but try the latch on the kitchen door of the house next to Mr. +Muffitt's, and finding the door opened, in I walked and set down in a +chair to await what was going to happen. That was a bad job for me, sir! +It isn't safe to take one false step. + +"For the next minute the inside door from the dining-room springs open +and a man jumps out and grabs me and says: 'I've got thee at last, have +I!' He was a Quaker, sir; a big man and with a grip like iron. I never +knowed a man with a grip like that. Did you ever, sir, have your fingers +in the crack of a door and somebody a-leaning hard on the door? That was +the way this Quaker held me. Then he calls out 'Amelia! Amelia!' and in +a minute a sweet old Quaker lady comes out with a candle, and he says to +her: I've caught that burglar, Amelia; thee get the clothes line.'" + +"So the lady she gets the clothes line and that man he ties my hands and +my arms behind my back, good and tight, and then he made me set down +and he ties me to the chair, and at last he gives the rope two or three +turns around the leg of the kitchen table and says to me: 'Friend, thee +can just set there while I go to get an officer!' Gave me no chance to +explain. Took it all for granted; whereas if he would have listened to +me I could have cleared up the whole mystery in two minutes. + +"So then, sir, out he goes for a policeman, and the old lady sets down +in a chair not far from me and said she was sorry I was so wicked and +asked me about my mother, and if I ever went to First-Day school, and +a whole lot of things. Then a thought seemed to strike her and she went +into the next room and came back with a book in her hand, and she said +she would read a good book to me while we waited for justice to take its +course. + +"She was lovely to look at, sir, with her tidy brown frock and the crape +handkerchief folded acrost her bosom and her cap and the smile on her +face; a sweet face, sir; an angel face; yes, sir, but sweet faces often +has cruel dispositions behind them. For then she told me that the book +was called Barclay's Apology for the People called Quakers, or something +like that, and she begun to read it to me. + +"Have you ever read that book, sir? It is dedicated, I think, to Charles +the Second, and it begins with Fifteen Propositions, and she read every +one of them Propositions from first to last. Then she turned to the +section, sir, about Salutations and Recreations, and she read and read +and read until, sir, actually it made my head swim. + +"Do you know, sir, is Barclay still alive--the man who wrote that book? +Is there no way of getting even with him? + +"I couldn't get away. I might have walked out somehow with the chair +fastened to me; but I couldn't go, could I, sir, with the table tied to +my leg, and particularly if I had to climb the fence? So I had to set +there and be regarded as a burglar. + +"But at last I _would_ be heard, and I told her I was no burglar but an +innercent man; and then she looked in the index to find if Barclay had +anything interesting to say about the wickedness of telling falsehoods. +And then I said I was a member of the Baptist Society, and she said at +once she would read Barclay on the errors of that sect; but I insisted +on being heard, and I explained to her that I got into this trouble by +trying to cure William Jones by frictional electricity, and she said: +'Thee has an ingenious and fruitful mind to invent such a story. Oh, +that it had been turned to better devices than following a life of +evil!' + +"'And it seems hard, too,' I said, 'that a perfectly respectable Baptist +plumber should be arrested as a burglar simply because he tried to +relieve the pain of William Jones by a scientific method invented by the +Huxley Institute.' + +"Where is thy friend William Jones?' she asked. + +"Do you know, sir, at that very moment you could hear through the +partition William Jones and Bella Dougherty laughing next door! It +seemed like mockery to me, a-setting there in chains, so to speak. + +"'He is next door, ma'am,' I said, 'a-courting the hired girl.' + +"'I will prove if thee is telling the truth,' she said, and she got up +and moved toward the door. + +"'No, ma'am, no!' I said; 'please don't do that! William mustn't know +that I am here'; and so she comes back and sets down again, and picks up +Barclay, and looks sorrerful at me, and says: + +"'It is wicked for thee to have such vain imaginations. Why does thee +persist in pretending that there is a William Jones?' And then she +started to look through Barclay to find if he had anything that would +fit the William Jones part of the case. + +"What could I do? I daresn't call in William Jones to prove my +innercence; he was mad all over at me and a bigger man, too, and here +I was tied; and I couldn't call Bella Dougherty without William Jones +knowing it. It was hard, sir, for a man as innercent as a little babe +to set there with that sweet and smooth old lady considering him a +shameless story-teller and firing Barclay at him, now wasn't it, +sir? Would you have called William Jones, sir, under them there +circumstances, and his laughter and Bella Dougherty's still a-resounding +through the partition? + +"Well, sir, that policeman was a long time a-coming with the old Quaker. +I never knowed why; but Friend Amelia she set down again and turned over +the leaves of Barclay and begun oncet more to read about Salutations and +Recreations while, strange as it may seem to you, sir, I felt that I'd +rather see the policeman and be locked up in a dungeon than to hear more +of it. + +"But, howsomdever, after a while in comes the Quaker and the officer +with him, and the very first minute the officer seen me he says: + +"'I reckernize him as an old offender.' + +"'No you don't!' says I; 'I'm no old offender nor a young offender. I'm +a perfeckly honest Baptist plumber, and I kin prove it, too.' + +"'How kin you prove it?' says the officer. + +"'By William Jones,' says I, 'who is a-setting in that kitchen right +next door, a-wooing the hired girl.' + +"I was bold about it, sir, because I knowed William Jones daresn't +strike at me while the officer was there. + +"'We'll see about that,' says the officer, and in he goes to Mr. +Muffitt's yard next door and comes back with William Jones. I have no +use for a man like William Jones. What do you think he does, sir? Why, +he looks me over, from head to foot, in a blank sort of a way, and then, +turning to the policeman, he says: 'I don't know the man, officer; never +seen him before'; then that low-down plumber walks out and leaves me +there and goes back, and in a minute I hear him and Bella Dougherty +a-laughing worse than ever. + +"'I thought not,' says the officer, slipping the handcuffs on me, 'and +so now you come right along.' And Friend Amelia looked mournful at me +and says to me she would come around regular and read Barclay to me in +my cell after I was convicted. + +"And so, sir, to make a long story short, I was took up before the +magistrate and held for burglary, and my mate, George Watkins, went my +bail and so I was let go. + +"I might stop here, sir, but I must tell you that the following Thursday +I met William Jones up a kind of a blind alley where I was working, +while he was working in a house on the opposite side. He had me in a +corner where there was no chance to run, so I put on a bold face and +went right up to him and says: + +"'William, there's been some differences betwixt us, but I'm not the man +to bear grudges and I forgive you." + +"'What's that?' says he, savage. + +"'Why,' says I, 'the whole thing is just one of them unpleasant +misunderstandings'; and then I started to explain to him about the +Huxley Institute theory of frictional electricity and the aurora +borealis. + +"I can't tell what he said, sir, in reply, with reference to the aurora +borealis, because I'm a decent man and never use no low language; but +suddenly he jumped on me, and the first thing I knowed I was being +lifted in the ambulance and fetched to this yer hospital. Was it right, +sir, do you think, for William Jones to strike me foul, like that, while +I was trying to state my case to him? No, sir. But that's not the worst +of it. Last Tuesday word came to me that Bella Dougherty had throwed +me over and is going to marry William Jones on Decoration Day! Think +of that, sir!" and Mordecai Barnes turned his head upon his pillow and +moaned. + +Turning again toward me, he was about to resume his statement, when +suddenly he exclaimed: "Why, there's Aunt Maggie." + +A woman of fifty years, nicely clad, came to the bedside and said to him +coldly: + +"Is that you, Mordecai Barnes?" + +"Yes, Aunt Maggie." + +"I'm ashamed of you, Mordecai Barnes," said she; "ashamed of you. It +served you right. You got just what was comin' to you. I wish William +had banged you worse." + +Mordecai Barnes groaned. + +"And more than that," continued Aunt Maggie, glaring at him through her +spectacles, "I've torn up my old will which named you my sole heir and +made a new one and left all my property to this yer very hospital." + +With these words Aunt Maggie walked away and left the room. + +Mordecai Barnes could not speak for a few minutes. He looked as if death +would be welcome. Then, pulling the bedclothes up under his chin and +closing his eyes wearily, he said: + +"Curse the day, say I, when George Watkins first went to the Huxley +Institute and heard about frictional electricity." + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Frictional Electricity, by Max Adeler + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRICTIONAL ELECTRICITY *** + +***** This file should be named 23179.txt or 23179.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/1/7/23179/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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