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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/23174-0.txt b/23174-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f182d41 --- /dev/null +++ b/23174-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1489 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Good-For-Nothing, by Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Good-For-Nothing + 1876 + +Author: Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +Release Date: October 24, 2007 [EBook #23174] +Last Updated: October 18, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + +A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING + +By Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +By permission of Charles Scribner’s Sons. + +Copyright, 1876, by James R. Osgood & Co + + + + +I + +Ralph Grimm was born a gentleman, He had the misfortune of coming into +the world some ten years later than might reasonably have been expected. +Colonel Grim and his lady had celebrated twelve anniversaries of their +wedding-day, and had given up all hopes of ever having a son and heir, +when this late comer startled them by his unexpected appearance. The +only previous addition to the family had been a daughter, and she was +then ten summers old. + +Ralph was a very feeble child, and could only with great difficulty be +persuaded to retain his hold of the slender thread which bound him to +existence. He was rubbed with whiskey, and wrapped in cotton, and given +mare’s milk to drink, and God knows what not, and the Colonel swore a +round oath of paternal delight when at last the infant stopped gasping +in that distressing way and began to breathe like other human beings. +The mother, who, in spite of her anxiety for the child’s life, had found +time to plot for him a career of future magnificence, now suddenly set +him apart for literature, because that was the easiest road to fame, and +disposed of him in marriage to one of the most distinguished families of +the land. She cautiously suggested this to her husband when he came to +take his seat at her bedside; but to her utter astonishment she found +that he had been indulging a similar train of thought, and had already +destined the infant prodigy for the army. She, however, could not give +up her predilection for literature, and the Colonel, who could not bear +to be contradicted in his own house, as he used to say, was getting +every minute louder and more flushed, when, happily, the doctor’s +arrival interrupted the dispute. + +As Ralph grew up from infancy to childhood, he began to give decided +promise of future distinction. He was fond of sitting down in a corner +and sucking his thumb, which his mother interpreted as the sign of that +brooding disposition peculiar to poets and men of lofty genius. At the +age of five, he had become sole master in the house. He slapped his +sister Hilda in the face, or pulled her hair, when she hesitated to +obey him, tyrannized over his nurse, and sternly refused to go to bed in +spite of his mother’s entreaties. On such occasions, the Colonel would +hide his face behind his newspaper, and chuckle with delight; it was +evident that nature had intended his son for a great military commander. + +As soon as Ralph himself was old enough to have any thoughts about his +future destiny, he made up his mind that he would like to be a pirate. +A few months later, having contracted an immoderate taste for candy, he +contented himself with the comparatively humble position of a baker; but +when he had read “Robinson Crusoe” he manifested a strong desire to go +to sea in the hope of being wrecked on some desolate island. The parents +spent long evenings gravely discussing these indications of uncommon +genius, and each interpreted them in his or her own way. + +“He is not like any other child I ever knew,” said the mother. + +“To be sure,” responded the father, earnestly. “He is a most +extraordinary child. I was a very remarkable child too, even if I do say +it myself; but, as far as I remember, I never aspired to being wrecked +on an uninhabited island.” + +The Colonel probably spoke the truth; but he forgot to take into account +that he had never read “Robinson Crusoe.” + +Of Ralph’s school-days there is but little to report, for, to tell the +truth, he did not fancy going to school, as the discipline annoyed him. +The day after his having entered the gymnasium, which was to prepare +him for the Military Academy, the principal saw him waiting at the gate +after his class had been dismissed. He approached him, and asked why he +did not go home with the rest. + +“I am waiting for the servant to carry my books,” was the boy’s answer. + +“Give me your books,” said the teacher. + +Ralph reluctantly obeyed. That day the Colonel was not a little +surprised to see his son marching up the street, and every now and then +glancing behind him with a look of discomfort at the principal, who +was following quietly in his train, carrying a parcel of school-books. +Colonel Grim and his wife, divining the teacher’s intention, agreed that +it was a great outrage, but they did not mention the matter to Ralph. +Henceforth, however, the boy refused to be accompanied by his servant. A +week later he was impudent to the teacher of gymnastics, who whipped him +in return. The Colonel’s rage knew no bounds; he rode in great haste to +the gymnasium, reviled the teacher for presuming to chastise _his_ son, +and committed the boy to the care of a private tutor. + +At the age of sixteen, Ralph went to the capital with the intention of +entering the Military Academy. He was a tall, handsome youth, slender of +stature, and carried himself as erect as a candle. He had a light, clear +complexion of almost feminine delicacy; blond, curly hair, which he +always kept carefully brushed; a low forehead, and a straight, finely +modeled nose. There was an expression of extreme sensitiveness about +the nostrils, and a look of indolence in the dark-blue eyes. But the +_ensemble_ of his features was pleasing, his dress irreproachable, and +his manners bore no trace of the awkward self-consciousness peculiar to +his age. Immediately on his arrival in the capital he hired a suite of +rooms in the aristocratic part of the city, and furnished them rather +expensively, but in excellent taste. From a bosom friend, whom he met +by accident in the restaurant’s pavilion in the park, he learned that +a pair of antlers, a stuffed eagle, or falcon, and a couple of swords, +were indispensable to a well-appointed apartment. He accordingly bought +these articles at a curiosity shop. During the first weeks of his +residence in the city he made some feeble efforts to perfect himself in +mathematics, in which he suspected he was somewhat deficient. But when +the same officious friend laughed at him, and called him “green,” he +determined to trust to fortune, and henceforth devoted himself the +more assiduously to the French ballet, where he had already made some +interesting acquaintances. + +The time for the examination came; the French ballet did not prove a +good preparation; Ralph failed. It quite shook him for the time, and +he felt humiliated. He had not the courage to tell his father; so he +lingered on from day to day, sat vacantly gazing out of his window, and +tried vainly to interest himself in the busy bustle down on the street. +It provoked him that everybody else should be so light-hearted, when +he was, or at least fancied himself, in trouble. The parlor grew +intolerable; he sought refuge in his bedroom. There he sat one evening +(it was the third day after the examination), and stared out upon the +gray stone walls which on all sides inclosed the narrow courtyard. +The round stupid face of the moon stood tranquilly dozing like a great +Limburger cheese suspended under the sky. + +Ralph, at least, could think of a no more fitting simile. But the +bright-eyed young girl in the window hard by sent a longing look up to +the same moon, and thought of her distant home on the fjords, where the +glaciers stood like hoary giants, and caught the yellow moonbeams on +their glittering shields of snow. She had been reading “Ivanhoe” all the +afternoon, until the twilight had overtaken her quite unaware, and +now she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to write her German +exercise. She lifted her face and saw a pair of sad, vacant eyes gazing +at her from the next window in the angle of the court She was a little +startled at first, but in the next moment she thought of her German +exercise and took heart. + +“Do you know German?” she said; then immediately repented that she had +said it. + +“I do,” was the answer. + +She took up her apron and began to twist it with an air of +embarrassment. + +“I didn’t mean anything,” she whispered, at last. “I only wanted to +know.” + +“You are very kind.” + +That answer roused her; he was evidently making sport of her. + +“Well, then, if you do, you may write my exercise for me. I have marked +the place in the book.” + +And she flung her book over to the window, and he caught it on the edge +of the sill, just as it was falling. + +“You are a very strange girl,” he remarked, turning over the leaves of +the book, although it was too dark to read. “How old are you?” + +“I shall be fourteen six weeks before Christmas,” answered she, frankly. + +“Then I excuse you.” + +“No, indeed,” cried she, vehemently. “You needn’t excuse me at all. If +you don’t want to write my exercise, you may send the book back again. I +am very sorry I spoke to you, and I shall never do it again.” + +“But you will not get the book back again without the exercise,” replied +he, quietly. “Good-night.” + +The girl stood long looking after him, hoping that he would return. +Then, with a great burst of repentance, she hid her face in her lap, and +began to cry. + +“Oh, dear, I didn’t mean to be rude,” she sobbed. “But it was Ivanhoe +and Rebecca who upset me.” + +The next morning she was up before daylight, and waited for two long +hours in great suspense before the curtain of his window was raised. He +greeted her politely; threw a hasty glance around the court to see if he +was observed, and then tossed her book dexterously over into her hands. + +“I have pinned the written exercise to the flyleaf,” he said. “You will +probably have time to copy it before breakfast.” + +“I am ever so much obliged to you,” she managed to stammer. + +He looked so tall and handsome, and grown-up, and her remorse stuck in +her throat, and threatened to choke her. She had taken him for a boy as +he sat there in his window the evening before. + +“By the way, what is your name?” he asked, carelessly, as he turned to +go. + +“Bertha.” + +“Well, my dear Bertha, I am happy to have made your acquaintance.” + +And he again made her a polite bow, and entered his parlor. + +“How provokingly familiar he is,” thought she; “but no one can deny that +he is handsome.” + +The bright roguish face of the young girl haunted Ralph during the whole +next week. He had been in love at least ten times before, of course; +but, like most boys, with young ladies far older than himself. He found +himself frequently glancing over to her window in the hope of catching +another glimpse of her face; but the curtain was always drawn down, +and Bertha remained invisible. During the second week, however, she +relented, and they had many a pleasant chat together. He now volunteered +to write all her exercises, and she made no objections. He learned that +she was the daughter of a well-to-do peasant in the sea-districts of +Norway (and it gave him quite a shock to hear it), and that she was +going to school in the city, and boarded with an old lady who kept a +_pension_ in the house adjoining the one in which he lived. + +One day in the autumn Ralph was surprised by the sudden arrival of his +father, and the fact of his failure in the examination could no longer +be kept a secret. The old Colonel flared up at once when Ralph made +his confession; the large veins upon his forehead swelled; he grew +coppery-red in his face, and stormed up and down the floor, until his +son became seriously alarmed; but, to his great relief, he was soon made +aware that his father’s wrath was not turned against him personally, but +against the officials of the Military Academy who had rejected him. +The Colonel took it as insult to his own good name and irreproachable +standing as an officer; he promptly refused any other explanation, and +vainly racked his brain to remember if any youthful folly of his could +possibly have made him enemies among the teachers of the Academy. He +at last felt satisfied that it was envy of his own greatness and rapid +advancement which had induced the rascals to take vengeance on his son. +Ralph reluctantly followed his father back to the country town where +the latter was stationed, and the fair-haired Bertha vanished from his +horizon. His mother’s wish now prevailed, and he began, in his own easy +way, to prepare himself for the University. He had little taste for +Cicero, and still less for Virgil, but with the use of a “pony” he soon +gained sufficient knowledge of these authors to be able to talk in a +sort of patronizing way about them, to the great delight of his fond +parents. He took quite a fancy, however, to the ode in Horace ending +with the lines: + + Dolce ridentem, + Dulce loqucntem, + Lalagen amabo. + +And in his thought he substituted for Lalage the fair-haired Bertha, +quite regardless of the requirements of the metre. + +To make a long story short, three years later Ralph returned to the +capital, and, after having worn out several tutors, actually succeeded +in entering the University. + +The first year of college life is a happy time to every young man, and +Ralph enjoyed its processions, its parliamentary gatherings, and +its leisure, as well as the rest. He was certainly not the man to be +sentimental over the loss of a young girl whom, moreover, he had only +known for a few weeks. Nevertheless, he thought of her at odd times, but +not enough to disturb his pleasure. The standing of his family, his own +handsome appearance, and his immaculate linen opened to him the best +houses of the city, and he became a great favorite in society. At +lectures he was seldom seen, but more frequently in the theatres, where +he used to come in during the middle of the first act, take his station +in front of the orchestra box, and eye, through his lorgnette, by turns, +the actresses and the ladies of the parquet. + + + + +II + +Two months passed, and then came the great annual ball which the +students give at the opening of the second semester. Ralph was a man of +importance that evening; first, because he belonged to a great family; +secondly, because he was the handsomest man of his year. He wore a large +golden star on his breast (for his fellow-students had made him a Knight +of the Golden Boar) and a badge of colored ribbons in his buttonhole. + +The ball was a brilliant affair, and everybody was in excellent spirits, +especially the ladies. Ralph danced incessantly, twirled his soft +mustache, and uttered amiable platitudes. It was toward midnight, just +as the company was moving out to supper, that he caught the glance of a +pair of dark-blue eyes, which suddenly drove the blood to his cheeks +and hastened the beating of his heart. But when he looked once more the +dark-blue eyes were gone, and his unruly heart went on hammering against +his side. He laid his hand on his breast and glanced furtively at his +fair neighbor, but she looked happy and unconcerned, for the flavor of +the ice cream was delicious. It seemed an endless meal, but, when it +was done, Ralph rose, led his partner back to the ballroom, and hastily +excused himself. His glance wandered round the wide hall, seeking the +well-remembered eyes once more, and, at length, finding them in a remote +corner, half hid behind a moving wall of promenaders. In another moment +he was at Bertha’s side. + +“You must have been purposely hiding yourself, Miss Bertha,” said he, +when the usual greetings were exchanged. “I have not caught a glimpse of +you all this evening, until a few moments ago.” + +“But I have seen you all the while,” answered the girl, frankly. “I knew +you at once as I entered the hall.” + +“If I had but known that you were here,” resumed Ralph, as it were +invisibly expanding with an agreeable sense of dignity, “I assure you +you would have been the very first one I should have sought.” + +She raised her large grave eyes to his, as if questioning his sincerity; +but she made no answer. + +“Good gracious!” thought Ralph. “She takes things terribly in earnest.” + +“You look so serious, Miss Bertha,” said he, after a moment’s pause. “I +remember you as a bright-eyed, flaxen-haired little girl, who threw her +German exercise-book to me across the yard, and whose merry laughter +still rings pleasantly in my memory, I confess I don’t find it quite +easy to identify this grave young lady with my merry friend of three +years ago.” + +“In other words, you are disappointed at not finding me the same as I +used to be.” + +“No, not exactly that; but--” + +Ralph paused and looked puzzled. There was something in the earnestness +of her manner which made a facetious compliment seem grossly +inappropriate, and in the moment no other escape suggested itself. + +“But what?” demanded Bertha, mercilessly. + +“Have you ever lost an old friend?” asked he, abruptly. + +“Yes; how so?” + +“Then,” answered he, while his features lighted up with a happy +inspiration--“then you will appreciate my situation. I fondly cherished +my old picture of you in my memory. Now I have lost it, and I can not +help regretting the loss. I do not mean, however, to imply that this new +acquaintance--this second edition of yourself, so to speak--will prove +less interesting.” + +She again sent him a grave, questioning look, and began to gaze intently +upon the stone in her bracelet. + +“I suppose you will laugh at me,” began she, while a sudden blush +flitted over her countenance. “But this is my first ball, and I feel +as if I had rushed into a whirlpool, from which I have, since the first +rash plunge was made, been vainly trying to escape. I feel so dreadfully +forlorn. I hardly know anybody here except my cousin, who invited me, +and I hardly think I know him either.” + +“Well, since you are irredeemably committed,” replied Ralph, as the +music, after some prefatory flourishes, broke into the delicious rhythm +of a Strauss waltz, “then it is no use struggling against fate. Come, +let us make the plunge together. Misery loves company.” + +He offered her his arm, and she rose, somewhat hesitatingly, and +followed. + +“I am afraid,” she whispered, as they fell into line with the procession +that was moving down the long hall, “that you have asked me to dance +merely because I said I felt forlorn. If that is the case, I should +prefer to be led back to my seat.” + +“What a base imputation!” cried Ralph. + +There was something so charmingly _naive_ in this +self-depreciation--something so altogether novel in his experience, and, +he could not help adding, just a little bit countrified. His spirits +rose; he began to relish keenly his position as an experienced man +of the world, and, in the agreeable glow of patronage and conscious +superiority, chatted with hearty _abandon_ with his little rustic +beauty. + +“If your dancing is as perfect as your German exercises were,” said she, +laughing, as they swung out upon the floor, “then I promise myself a +good deal of pleasure from our meeting.” + +“Never fear,” answered he, quickly reversing his step, and whirling with +many a capricious turn away among the thronging couples. + +When Ralph drove home in his carriage toward morning he briefly summed +up his impressions of Bertha in the following adjectives: intelligent, +delightfully unsophisticated, a little bit verdant, but devilish pretty. + +Some weeks later Colonel Grim received an appointment at the fortress of +Aggershuus, and immediately took up his residence in the capital. He saw +that his son cut a fine figure in the highest circles of society, and +expressed his gratification in the most emphatic terms. If he had +known, however, that Ralph was in the habit of visiting, with alarming +regularity, at the house of a plebeian merchant in a somewhat obscure +street, he would, no doubt, have been more chary of his praise. But the +Colonel suspected nothing, and it was well for the peace of the family +that he did not. It may have been cowardice in Ralph that he +never mentioned Bertha’s name to his family or to his aristocratic +acquaintances; for, to be candid, he himself felt ashamed of the power +she exerted over him, and by turns pitied and ridiculed himself for +pursuing so inglorious a conquest. Nevertheless it wounded his egotism +that she never showed any surprise at seeing him, that she received him +with with a certain frank unceremoniousness, which, however, was very +becoming to her; that she invariably went on with her work heedless +of his presence, and in everything treated him as if she had been his +equal. She persisted in talking with him in a half sisterly fashion +about his studies and his future career, warned him with great +solicitude against some of his reprobate friends, of whose merry +adventures he had told her; and if he ventured to compliment her on +her beauty or her accomplishments, she would look up gravely from +her sewing, or answer him in a way which seemed to banish the idea of +love-making into the land of the impossible. He was constantly tormented +by the suspicion that she secretly disapproved of him, and that from a +mere moral interest in his welfare she was conscientiously laboring +to make him a better man. Day after day he parted from her feeling +humiliated, faint-hearted, and secretly indignant both at himself and +her, and day after day he returned only to renew the same experience. +At last it became too intolerable, he could endure it no longer. Let it +make or break, certainty, at all risks, was at least preferable to this +sickening suspense. That he loved her, he could no longer doubt; let his +parents foam and fret as much as they pleased; for once he was going to +stand on his own legs. And in the end, he thought, they would have to +yield, for they had no son but him. + +Bertha was going to return to her home on the sea-coast in a week. +Ralph stood in the little low-ceiled parlor, as she imagined, to bid +her good-by. They had been speaking of her father, her brothers, and the +farm, and she had expressed the wish that if he ever should come to that +part of the country he might pay them a visit. Her words had kindled +a vague hope in his breast, but in their very frankness and friendly +regard there was something which slew the hope they had begotten. He +held her hand in his, and her large confiding eyes shone with an emotion +which was beautiful, but was yet not love. + +“If you were but a peasant born like myself,” said she, in a voice which +sounded almost tender, “then I should like to talk to you as I would to +my own brother; but--” + +“No, not brother, Bertha,” cried he, with sudden vehemence; “I love you +better than I ever loved any earthly being, and if you knew how firmly +this love has clutched at the roots of my heart, you would perhaps--you +would at least not look so reproachfully at me.” + +She dropped his hand, and stood for a moment silent. + +“I am sorry that it should have come to this, Mr. Grim,” said she, +visibly struggling for calmness. “And I am perhaps more to blame than +you.” + +“Blame,” muttered he, “why are you to blame?” + +“Because I do not love you; although I sometimes feared that this might +come. But then again I persuaded myself that it could not be so.” + +He took a step toward the door, laid his hand on the knob, and gazed +down before him. + +“Bertha,” began he, slowly, raising his head, “you have always +disapproved of me, you have despised me in your heart, but you thought +you would be doing a good work if you succeeded in making a man of me.” + +“You use strong language,” answered she, hesitatingly; “but there is +truth in what you say.” + +Again there was a long pause, in which the ticking of the old parlor +clock grew louder and louder. + +“Then,” he broke out at last, “tell me before we part if I can do +nothing to gain--I will not say your love--but only your regard? What +would you do if you were in my place?” + +“My advice you will hardly heed, and I do not even know that it would +be well if you did. But if I were a man in your position, I should break +with my whole past, start out into the world where nobody knew me, and +where I should be dependent only upon my own strength, and there I would +conquer a place for myself, if it were only for the satisfaction of +knowing that I was really a man. Here cushions are sewed under your +arms, a hundred invisible threads bind you to a life of idleness and +vanity, everybody is ready to carry you on his hands, the road is +smoothed for you, every stone carefully moved out of your path, and you +will probably go to your grave without having ever harbored one earnest +thought, without having done one manly deed.” + +Ralph stood transfixed, gazing at her with open mouth; he felt a kind of +stupid fright, as if some one had suddenly seized him by the shoulders +and shaken him violently. He tried vainly to remove his eyes from +Bertha. She held him as by a powerful spell. He saw that her face was +lighted with an altogether new beauty; he noticed the deep glow upon her +cheek, the brilliancy of her eye, the slight quiver of her lip. But he +saw all this as one sees things in a half-trance, without attempting to +account for them; the door between his soul and his senses was closed. + +“I know that I have been bold in speaking to you in this way,” she said +at last, seating herself in a chair at the window. “But it was yourself +who asked me. And I have felt all the time that I should have to tell +you this before we parted.” + +“And,” answered he, making a strong effort to appear calm, “if I follow +your advice, will you allow me to see you once more before you go?” + +“I shall remain here another week, and shall, during that time, always +be ready to receive you.” + +“Thank you. Good-by.” + +“Good-by.” + +Ralph carefully avoided all the fashionable thoroughfares; he felt +degraded before himself, and he had an idea that every man could read +his humiliation in his countenance. Now he walked on quickly, striking +the sidewalk with his heels; now, again, he fell into an uneasy, +reckless saunter, according as the changing moods in’ spired defiance +of his sentence, or a qualified surrender. And, as he walked on, the +bitterness grew within him, and he piteously reviled himself for having +allowed himself to be made a fool of by “that little country goose,” + when he was well aware that there were hundreds of women of the best +families of the land who would feel honored at receiving his attentions. +But this sort of reasoning he knew to be both weak and contemptible, and +his better self soon rose in loud rebellion. + +“After all,” he muttered, “in the main thing she was right. I am a +miserable good-for-nothing, a hothouse plant, a poor stick, and if I +were a woman myself, I don’t think I should waste my affections on a man +of that calibre.” + +Then he unconsciously fell to analyzing Bertha’s character, wondering +vaguely that a person who moved so timidly in social life, appearing +so diffident, from an ever-present fear of blundering against the +established forms of etiquette, could judge so quickly, and with such a +merciless certainty, whenever a moral question, a question of right +and wrong, was at issue. And, pursuing the same train of thought, he +contrasted her with himself, who moved in the highest spheres of society +as in his native element, heedless of moral scruples, and conscious of +no loftier motive for his actions than the immediate pleasure of the +moment. + +As Ralph turned the corner of a street, he heard himself hailed from the +other sidewalk by a chorus of merry voices. + +“Ah, my dear Baroness,” cried a young man, springing across the street +and grasping Ralph’s hand (all his student friends called him the +Baroness), “in the name of this illustrious company, allow me to salute +you. But why the deuce--what is the matter with you? If you have the +_Katzenjammer_* soda-water is the thing. Come along--it’s my treat!” + + * _Katzenjammer_ is the sensation a man has the morning + after a carousal. + +The students instantly thronged around Ralph, who stood distractedly +swinging his cane and smiling idiotically. + +“I am not quite well,” said he; “leave me alone.” + +“No, to be sure, you don’t look well,” cried a jolly youth, against +whom Bertha had frequently warned him; “but a glass of sherry will soon +restore you. It would be highly immoral to leave you in this condition +without taking care of you.” + +Ralph again vainly tried to remonstrate; but the end was, that he +reluctantly followed. + +He had always been a conspicuous figure in the student world; but that +night he astonished his friends by his eloquence, his reckless humor, +and his capacity for drinking. He made a speech for “Woman,” which +bristled with wit, cynicism, and sarcastic epigrams. One young man, +named Vinter, who was engaged, undertook to protest against his sweeping +condemnation, and declared that Ralph, who was a universal favorite +among the ladies, ought to be the last to revile them. + +“If,” he went on, “the Baroness should propose to six well-known +ladies here in this city whom I could mention, I would wager six +Johannisbergers, and an equal amount of champagne, that every one of +them would accept him.” + +The others loudly applauded this proposal, and Ralph accepted the wager. +The letters were written on the spot, and immediately despatched. Toward +morning, the merry carousal broke up, and Ralph was conducted in triumph +to his home. + + + + +III + +Two days later, Ralph again knocked on Bertha’s door. He looked paler +than usual, almost haggard; his immaculate linen was a little crumpled, +and he carried no cane; his lips were tightly compressed, and his face +wore an air of desperate resolution. + +“It is done,” he said, as he seated himself opposite her. “I am going.” + +“Going!” cried she, startled at his unusual appearance. “How, where?” + +“To America. I sail to-night. I have followed your advice, you see. I +have cut off the last bridge behind me.” + +“But, Ralph,” she exclaimed, in a voice of alarm. “Something dreadful +must have happened. Tell me quick; I must know it.” + +“No; nothing dreadful,” muttered he, smiling bitterly. “I have made +a little scandal, that is all. My father told me to-day to go to the +devil, if I chose, and my mother gave me five hundred dollars to help me +along on the way. If you wish to know, here is the explanation.” + +And he pulled from his pocket six perfumed and carefully folded notes, +and threw them into her lap. + +“Do you wish me to read them?” she asked, with growing surprise. + +“Certainly. Why not?” + +She hastily opened one note after the other, and read. + +“But, Ralph,” she cried, springing up from her seat, while her eyes +flamed with indignation, “what does this mean? What have you done?” + +“I didn’t think it needed any explanation,” replied he, with feigned +indifference. “I proposed to them all, and, you see, they all accepted +me. I received all these letters to-day. I only wished to know whether +the whole world regarded me as such a worthless scamp as you told me I +was.” + +She did not answer, but sat mutely staring at him, fiercely crumpling a +rose-colored note in her hand. He began to feel uncomfortable under her +gaze, and threw himself about uneasily in his chair. + +“Well,” said he, at length, rising, “I suppose there is nothing more. +Good-by.” + +“One moment, Mr. Grim,” demanded she, sternly. “Since I have already +said so much, and you have obligingly revealed to me a new side of your +character, I claim the right to correct the opinion I expressed of you +at our last meeting.” + +“I am all attention.” + +“I did think, Mr. Grim,” began she, breathing hard, and steadying +herself against the table at which she stood, “that you were a very +selfish man--an embodiment of selfishness, absolute and supreme, but I +did not believe that you were wicked.” + +“And what convinced you that I was selfish, if I may ask?” + +“What convinced me?” repeated she, in a tone of inexpressible contempt. +“When did you ever act from any generous regard for others? What good +did you ever do to anybody?” + +“You might ask, with equal justice, what good I ever did to myself.” + +“In a certain sense, yes; because to gratify a mere momentary wish is +hardly doing one’s self good.” + +“Then I have, at all events, followed the Biblical precept, and treated +my neighbor very much as I treat myself.” + +“I did think,” continued Bertha, without heeding the remark, “that you +were at bottom kind-hearted, but too hopelessly well-bred ever to commit +an act of any decided complexion, either good or bad. Now I see that +I have misjudged you, and that you are capable of outraging the most +sacred feelings of a woman’s heart in mere wantonness, or for the sake +of satisfying a base curiosity, which never could have entered the mind +of an upright and generous man.” + +The hard, benumbed look in Ralph’s face thawed in the warmth of her +presence, and her words, though stern, touched a secret spring in his +heart. He made two or three vain attempts to speak, then suddenly broke +down, and cried: + +“Bertha, Bertha, even if you scorn me, have patience with me, and +listen.” + +And he told her, in rapid, broken sentences, how his love for her had +grown from day to day, until he could no longer master it; and how, in +an unguarded moment, when his pride rose in fierce conflict against +his love, he had done this reckless deed of which he was now heartily +ashamed. The fervor of his words touched her, for she felt that they +were sincere. Large mute tears trembled in her eyelashes as she sat +gazing tenderly at him, and in the depth of her soul the wish awoke that +she might have been able to return this great and strong love of his; +for she felt that in this love lay the germ of a new, of a stronger and +better man. She noticed, with a half-regretful pleasure, his handsome +figure, his delicately shaped hands, and the noble cast of his features; +an overwhelming pity for him rose within her, and she began to reproach +herself for having spoken so harshly, and, as she now thought, so +unjustly. Perhaps he read in her eyes the unspoken wish. He seized her +hand, and his words fell with a warm and alluring cadence upon her ear. + +“I shall not see you for a long time to come, Bertha,” said he, “but if +at the end of five or six years your hand is still free, and I +return another man--a man to whom you could safely intrust your +happiness--would you then listen to what I may have to say to you? For I +promise, by all that we both hold sacred--” + +“No, no,” interrupted she, hastily. “Promise nothing. It would be unjust +to yourself, and perhaps also to me; for a sacred promise is a terrible +thing, Ralph. Let us both remain free; and, if you return and still love +me, then come, and I shall receive you and listen to you. And even if +you have outgrown your love, which is, indeed, more probable, come still +to visit me wherever I may be, and we shall meet as friends and rejoice +in the meeting.” + +“You know best,” he murmured. “Let it be as you have said.” + +He arose, took her face between his hands, gazed long and tenderly into +her eyes, pressed a kiss upon her forehead, and hastened away. + +That night Ralph boarded the steamer for Hull, and three weeks later +landed in New York. + + + + +IV + +The first three months of Ralph’s sojourn in America were spent in vain +attempts to obtain a situation. Day after day he walked down Broadway, +calling at various places of business, and night after night he returned +to his cheerless room with a faint heart and declining spirits. It was, +after all, a more serious thing than he had imagined, to cut the cable +which binds one to the land of one’s birth. There a hundred subtile +influences, the existence of which no one suspects until the moment they +are withdrawn, unite to keep one in the straight path of rectitude, or +at least of external respectability; and Ralph’s life had been all in +society; the opinion of his fellow-men had been the one force to which +he implicitly deferred, and the conscience by which he had been wont +to test his actions had been nothing but the aggregate judgment of his +friends. To such a man the isolation and the utter irresponsibility of a +life among strangers was tenfold more dangerous; and Ralph found, to his +horror, that his character contained innumerable latent possibilities +which the easy-going life in his home probably never would have revealed +to him. It often cut him to the quick, when, on entering an office in +his daily search for employment, he was met by hostile or suspicious +glances, or when, as it occasionally happened, the door was slammed in +his face, as if he were a vagabond or an impostor. Then the wolf was +often roused within him, and he felt a momentary wild desire to become +what the people here evidently believed him to be. Many a night he +sauntered irresolutely about the gambling places in obscure streets, +and the glare of light, the rude shouts and clamors in the same moment +repelled and attracted him. If he went to the devil, who would care? His +father had himself pointed out the way to him; and nobody could blame +him if he followed the advice. But then again a memory emerged from that +chamber of his soul which still he held sacred; and Bertha’s deep-blue +eyes gazed upon him with their earnest look of tender warning and +regret. + +When the summer was half gone, Ralph had gained many a hard victory over +himself, and learned many a useful lesson; and at length he swallowed +his pride, divested himself of his fine clothes, and accepted a +position as assistant gardener at a villa on the Hudson. And as he stood +perspiring with a spade in his hand, and a cheap broad-brimmed straw hat +on his head, he often took a grim pleasure in picturing to himself +how his aristocratic friends at home would receive him if he should +introduce himself to them in this new costume. + +“After all, it was only my position they cared for,” he reflected, +bitterly; “without my father’s name what would I be to them?” + +Then, again, there was a certain satisfaction in knowing that, for +his present situation, humble as it was, he was indebted to nobody but +himself; and the thought that Bertha’s eyes, if they could have seen him +now, would have dwelt upon him with pleasure and approbation, went far +to console him for his aching back, his sunburned face, and his swollen +and blistered hands. + +One day, as Ralph was raking the gravel-walks in the garden, his +employer’s daughter, a young lady of seventeen, came out and spoke to +him. His culture and refinement of manner struck her with wonder, and +she asked him to tell her his history; but then he suddenly grew very +grave, and she forbore pressing him. From that time she attached a kind +of romantic interest to him, and finally induced her father to obtain +him a situation that would be more to his taste. And, before winter +came, Ralph saw the dawn of a new future glimmering before him. He had +wrestled bravely with fate, and had once more gained a victory. He began +the career in which success and distinction awaited him as proofreader +on a newspaper in the city. He had fortunately been familiar with the +English language before he left home, and by the strength of his will he +conquered all difficulties. At the end of two years he became attached +to the editorial staff; new ambitious hopes, hitherto foreign to his +mind, awoke within him; and with joyous tumult of heart he saw life +opening its wide vistas before him, and he labored on manfully to repair +the losses of the past, and to prepare himself for greater usefulness in +times to come. He felt in himself a stronger and fuller manhood, as if +the great arteries of the vast universal world-life pulsed in his own +being. The drowsy, indolent existence at home appeared like a dull +remote dream from which he had awaked, and he blessed the destiny which, +by its very sternness, had mercifully saved him; he blessed her, too, +who, from the very want of love for him, had, perhaps, made him worthier +of love. + +The years flew rapidly. Society had flung its doors open to him, and +what was more, he had found some warm friends, in whose houses he +could come and go at pleasure. He enjoyed keenly the privilege of daily +association with high-minded and refined women; their eager activity +of intellect stimulated him, their exquisite ethereal grace and their +delicately chiseled beauty satisfied his æsthetic cravings, and the +responsive vivacity of their nature prepared him ever new surprises. +He felt a strange fascination in the presence of these women, and the +conviction grew upon him that their type of womanhood was superior to +any he had hitherto known. And by way of refuting his own argument, he +would draw from his pocketbook the photograph of Bertha, which had a +secret compartment there all to itself, and, gazing tenderly at it, +would eagerly defend her against the disparaging reflections which the +involuntary comparison had provoked. And still, how could he help seeing +that her features, though well molded, lacked animation; that her eye, +with its deep, trustful glance, was not brilliant, and that the calm +earnestness of her face, when compared with the bright, intellectual +beauty of his present friends, appeared pale and simple, like a violet +in a bouquet of vividly colored roses? It gave him a quick pang, when, +at times, he was forced to admit this; nevertheless, it was the truth. + +After six years of residence in America, Ralph had gained a very high +reputation as a journalist of rare culture and ability, and in 1867 he +was sent to the World’s Exhibition in Paris, as correspondent of the +paper on which he had during all these years been employed. What wonder, +then, that he started for Europe a few weeks before his presence was +needed in the imperial city, and that he steered his course directly +toward the fjord valley where Bertha had her home? It was she who had +bidden him Godspeed when he fled from the land of his birth, and she, +too, should receive his first greeting on his return. + + + + +V + +The sun had fortified itself behind a citadel of flaming clouds, and the +upper forest region shone with a strange ethereal glow, while the +lower plains were wrapped in shadow; but the shadow itself had a +strong suffusion of color. The mountain peaks rose cold and blue in the +distance. + +Ralph, having inquired his way of the boatman who had landed him at the +pier, walked rapidly along the beach, with a small valise in his hand, +and a light summer overcoat flung over his shoulder. Many half-thoughts +grazed his mind, and ere the first had taken shape, the second and the +third came and chased it away. And still they all in some fashion had +reference to Bertha; for in a misty, abstract way, she filled his whole +mind; but for some indefinable reason, he was afraid to give free rein +to the sentiment which lurked in the remoter corners of his soul. + +Onward he hastened, while his heart throbbed with the quickening tempo +of mingled expectation and fear. Now and then one of those chill gusts +of air, which seem to be careering about aimlessly in the atmosphere +during early summer, would strike into his face, and recal! him to a +keener self-consciousness. + +Ralph concluded, from his increasing agitation, that he must be very +near Bertha’s home. He stopped and looked around him. He saw a large +maple at the roadside, some thirty steps from where he was standing, +and the girl who was sitting under it, resting her head in her hand and +gazing out over the sea, he recognized in an instant to be Bertha. He +sprang up on the road, not crossing, however, her line of vision, and +approached her noiselessly from behind. + +“Bertha,” he whispered. + +She gave a little joyous cry, sprang up, and made a gesture as if +to throw herself in his arms; then suddenly checked herself, blushed +crimson, and moved a step backward. + +“You came so suddenly,” she murmured. + +“But, Bertha,” cried he (and the full bass of his voice rang through her +very soul), “have I gone into exile and waited these many years for so +cold a welcome?” + +“You have changed so much, Ralph,” she answered, with that old grave +smile which he knew so well, and stretched out both her hands toward +him. “And I have thought of you so much since you went away, and blamed +myself because I had judged you so harshly, and wondered that you could +listen to me so patiently, and never bear me any malice for what I +said.” + +“If you had said a word less,” declared Ralph, seating himself at +her side on the greensward, “or if you had varnished it over with +politeness, then you would probably have failed to produce any effect +and I should not have been burdened with that heavy debt of gratitude +which I now owe you. I was a pretty thick-skinned animal in those days, +Bertha. You said the right word at the right moment; you gave me a bold +and a good piece of advice, which my own ingenuity would never have +suggested to me. I will not thank you, because, in so grave a case as +this, spoken thanks sound like a mere mockery. Whatever I am, Bertha, +and whatever I may hope to be, I owe it all to that hour.” + +She listened with rapture to the manly assurance of his voice; her eyes +dwelt with unspeakable joy upon his strong, bronzed features, his full +thick blond beard, and the vigorous proportions of his frame. Many and +many a time during his absence had she wondered how he would look if +he ever came back, and with that minute conscientiousness which, as it +were, pervaded her whole character, she had held herself responsible +before God for his fate, prayed for him, and trembled lest evil powers +should gain the ascendency over his soul. + +On their way to the house they talked together of many things, but in +a guarded, cautious fashion, and without the cheerful abandonment of +former years. They both, as it were, groped their way carefully in each +other’s minds, and each vaguely felt that there was something in the +other’s thought which it was not well to touch unbidden. Bertha saw +that all her fears for him had been groundless, and his very appearance +lifted the whole weight of responsibility from her breast; and still, +did she rejoice at her deliverance from her burden? Ah, no; in this +moment she knew that that which she had foolishly cherished as the +best and noblest part of herself had been but a selfish need of her own +heart. She feared that she had only taken that interest in him which one +feels in a thing of one’s own making, and now, when she saw that he had +risen quite above her; that he was free and strong, and could have no +more need of her, she had, instead of generous pleasure at his success, +but a painful sense of emptiness, as if something very dear had been +taken from her. + +Ralph, too, was loth to analyze the impression his old love made upon +him. His feelings were of so complex a nature, he was anxious to keep +his more magnanimous impulses active, and he strove hard to convince +himself that she was still the same to him as she had been before they +had ever parted. But, alas! though the heart be warm and generous, the +eye is a merciless critic. And the man who had moved on the wide arena +of the world, whose mind had housed the large thoughts of this century, +and expanded with its invigorating breath--was he to blame because he +had unconsciously outgrown his old provincial self, and could no more +judge by its standards? + +Bertha’s father was a peasant, but he had, by his lumber trade, acquired +what in Norway was called a very handsome fortune. He received his guest +with dignified reserve, and Ralph thought he detected in his eyes a +lurking look of distrust. “I know your errand,” that look seemed to say, +“but you had better give it up at once. It will be of no use for you to +try.” + +And after supper, as Ralph and Bertha sat talking confidingly with each +other at the window, he sent his daughter a quick, sharp glance, and +then, without ceremony, commanded her to go to bed. Ralph’s heart gave +a great thump within him; not because he feared the old man, but because +his words, as well as his glances, revealed to him the sad history of +these long, patient years. He doubted no longer that the love which he +had once so ardently desired was his at last; and he made a silent vow +that, come what might, he would remain faithful. + +As he came down to breakfast the next morning, he found Bertha sitting +at the window, engaged in hemming what appeared to be a rough kitchen +towel. She bent eagerly over her work, and only a vivid flush upon her +cheek told him that she had noticed his coming. He took a chair, seated +himself opposite her, and bade her “good-morning.” She raised her head, +and showed him a sweet, troubled countenance, which the early sunlight +illumined with a high spiritual beauty. It reminded him forcibly of +those pale, sweet-faced saints of Fra Angelico, with whom the frail +flesh seems ever on the point of yielding to the ardent aspirations of +the spirit. And still even in this moment he could not prevent his eyes +from observing that one side of her forefinger was rough from sewing, +and that the whiteness of her arm, which the loose sleeves displayed, +contrasted strongly with the browned and sunburned complexion of her +hands. + +After breakfast they again walked together on the beach, and Ralph, +having once formed his resolution, now talked freely of the New +World--of his sphere of activity there; of his friends and of his plans +for the future; and she listened to him with a mild, perplexed look in +her eyes, as if trying vainly to follow the flight of his thoughts. And +he wondered, with secret dismay, whether she was still the same strong, +brave-hearted girl whom he had once accounted almost bold; whether the +life in this narrow valley, amid a hundred petty and depressing cares, +had not cramped her spiritual growth, and narrowed the sphere of her +thought. Or was she still the same, and was it only he who had changed? +At last he gave utterance to his wonder, and she answered him in those +grave, earnest tones which seemed in themselves to be half a refutation +of his doubts. + +“It was easy for me to give you daring advice then, Ralph,” she said. +“Like most school-girls, I thought that life was a great and glorious +thing, and that happiness was a fruit which hung within reach of every +hand. Now I have lived for six years trying single-handed to relieve the +want and suffering of the needy people with whom I come in contact, +and their squalor and wretchedness have sickened me, and, what is still +worse, I feel that all I can do is as a drop in the ocean, and, after +all, amounts to nothing. I know I am no longer the same reckless girl +who, with the very best intention, sent you wandering through the wide +world; and I thank God that it proved to be for your good, although the +whole now appears quite incredible to me. My thoughts have moved so long +within the narrow circle of these mountains that they have lost their +youthful elasticity, and can no more rise above them.” + +Ralph detected, in the midst of her despondency, a spark of her former +fire, and grew eloquent in his endeavors to persuade her that she was +unjust to herself, and that there was but a wider sphere of life needed +to develop all the latent powers of her rich nature. + +At the dinner-table, her father again sat eying his guest with that same +cold look of distrust and suspicion. And when the meal was at an end, he +rose abruptly and called his daughter into another room. Presently Ralph +heard his angry voice resounding through the house, interrupted now and +then by a woman’s sobs, and a subdued, passionate pleading. When Bertha +again entered the room, her eyes were very red, and he saw that she had +been weeping. She threw a shawl over her shoulders, beckoned to him with +her hand, and he arose and followed her. She led the way silently until +they reached a thick copse of birch and alder near the strand. She +dropped down upon a bench between two trees, and he took his seat at her +side. + +“Ralph,” began she, with a visible effort, “I hardly know what to say to +you; but there is something which I must tell you--my father wishes you +to leave us at once.” + +“And _you_, Bertha?” + +“Well--yes--I wish it too.” + +She saw the painful shock which her words gave him, and she strove hard +to speak. Her lips trembled, her eyes became suffused with tears, which +grew and grew, but never fell; she could not utter a word. + +“Well, Bertha,” answered he, with a little quiver in his voice, “if you, +too, wish me to go, I shall not tarry. Good-by.” + +He rose quickly, and, with averted face, held out his hand to her; but +as she made no motion to grasp the hand, he began distractedly to button +his coat, and moved slowly away. + +“Ralph.” + +He turned sharply, and, before he knew it, she lay sobbing upon his +breast. + +“Ralph,” she murmured, while the tears almost choked her words, “I could +not have you leave me thus. It is hard enough--it is hard enough--” + +“What is hard, beloved?” + +She raised her head abruptly, and turned upon him a gaze full of hope +and doubt, and sweet perplexity. + +“Ah, no, you do not love me,” she whispered, sadly. + +“Why should I come to seek you, after these many years, dearest, if I +did not wish to make you my wife before God and men? Why should I--I.” + +“Ah, yes, I know,” she interrupted him with a fresh fit of weeping, “you +are too good and honest to wish to throw me away, now when you have seen +how my soul has hungered for the sight of you these many years, how even +now I cling to you with a despairing clutch. But you can not disguise +yourself, Ralph, and I saw from the first moment that you loved me no +more.” + +“Do not be such an unreasonable child,” he remonstrated, feebly. “I do +not love you with the wild, irrational passion of former years; but I +have the tenderest regard for you, and my heart warms at the sight of +your sweet face, and I shall do all in my power to make you as happy as +any man can make you who--” + +“Who does not love me,” she finished. + +A sudden shudder seemed to shake her whole frame, and she drew herself +more tightly up to him. + +“Ah, no,” she continued, after a while, sinking back upon her seat. +“It is a hopeless thing to compel a reluctant heart. I will accept no +sacrifice from you. You owe me nothing, for you have acted toward me +honestly and uprightly, and I shall be a stronger or--at least--a better +woman for what you gave me--and--for what you could not give me, even +though you would.” + +“But, Bertha,” exclaimed he, looking mournfully at her, “it is not true +when you say that I owe you nothing. Six years ago, when first I wooed +you, you could not return my love, and you sent me out into the world, +and even refused to accept any pledge or promise for the future.” + +“And you returned,” she responded, “a man, such as my hope had pictured +you; but, while I had almost been standing still, you had outgrown me +and outgrown your old self, and, with your old self, outgrown its love +for me, for your love was not of your new self, but of the old. Alas! it +is a sad tale, but it is true.” + +She spoke gravely now, and with a steadier voice, but her eyes hung upon +his face with an eager look of expectation, as if yearning to detect +there some gleam of hope, some contradiction of the dismal truth. He +read that look aright and it pierced him like a sharp sword. He made a +brave effort to respond to its appeal, but his features seemed hard as +stone, and he could only cry out against his destiny, and bewail his +misfortune and hers. + +Toward evening, Ralph was sitting in an open boat, listening to the +measured oar-strokes of the boatmen who were rowing him out to the +nearest stopping-place of the steamer. The mountains lifted their great +placid heads up among the sun-bathed clouds, and the fjord opened its +cool depths as if to make room for their vast reflections. Ralph felt as +if he were floating in the midst of the blue infinite space, and, with +the strength which this feeling inspired, he tried to face boldly the +thought from which he had but a moment ago shrunk as from something +hopelessly sad and perplexing. + +And in that hour he looked fearlessly into the gulf which separates the +New World from the Old. He had hoped to bridge it; but, alas! it can not +be bridged. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg’s A Good-For-Nothing, by Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING *** + +***** This file should be named 23174-0.txt or 23174-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/1/7/23174/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/23174-0.zip b/23174-0.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..59ebdc3 --- /dev/null +++ b/23174-0.zip diff --git a/23174-8.txt b/23174-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fc71d5e --- /dev/null +++ b/23174-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1488 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Good-For-Nothing, by Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Good-For-Nothing + 1876 + +Author: Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +Release Date: October 24, 2007 [EBook #23174] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + +A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING + +By Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +By permission of Charles Scribner's Sons. + +Copyright, 1876, by James R. Osgood & Co + + + + +I + +Ralph Grimm was born a gentleman, He had the misfortune of coming into +the world some ten years later than might reasonably have been expected. +Colonel Grim and his lady had celebrated twelve anniversaries of their +wedding-day, and had given up all hopes of ever having a son and heir, +when this late comer startled them by his unexpected appearance. The +only previous addition to the family had been a daughter, and she was +then ten summers old. + +Ralph was a very feeble child, and could only with great difficulty be +persuaded to retain his hold of the slender thread which bound him to +existence. He was rubbed with whiskey, and wrapped in cotton, and given +mare's milk to drink, and God knows what not, and the Colonel swore a +round oath of paternal delight when at last the infant stopped gasping +in that distressing way and began to breathe like other human beings. +The mother, who, in spite of her anxiety for the child's life, had found +time to plot for him a career of future magnificence, now suddenly set +him apart for literature, because that was the easiest road to fame, and +disposed of him in marriage to one of the most distinguished families of +the land. She cautiously suggested this to her husband when he came to +take his seat at her bedside; but to her utter astonishment she found +that he had been indulging a similar train of thought, and had already +destined the infant prodigy for the army. She, however, could not give +up her predilection for literature, and the Colonel, who could not bear +to be contradicted in his own house, as he used to say, was getting +every minute louder and more flushed, when, happily, the doctor's +arrival interrupted the dispute. + +As Ralph grew up from infancy to childhood, he began to give decided +promise of future distinction. He was fond of sitting down in a corner +and sucking his thumb, which his mother interpreted as the sign of that +brooding disposition peculiar to poets and men of lofty genius. At the +age of five, he had become sole master in the house. He slapped his +sister Hilda in the face, or pulled her hair, when she hesitated to +obey him, tyrannized over his nurse, and sternly refused to go to bed in +spite of his mother's entreaties. On such occasions, the Colonel would +hide his face behind his newspaper, and chuckle with delight; it was +evident that nature had intended his son for a great military commander. + +As soon as Ralph himself was old enough to have any thoughts about his +future destiny, he made up his mind that he would like to be a pirate. +A few months later, having contracted an immoderate taste for candy, he +contented himself with the comparatively humble position of a baker; but +when he had read "Robinson Crusoe" he manifested a strong desire to go +to sea in the hope of being wrecked on some desolate island. The parents +spent long evenings gravely discussing these indications of uncommon +genius, and each interpreted them in his or her own way. + +"He is not like any other child I ever knew," said the mother. + +"To be sure," responded the father, earnestly. "He is a most +extraordinary child. I was a very remarkable child too, even if I do say +it myself; but, as far as I remember, I never aspired to being wrecked +on an uninhabited island." + +The Colonel probably spoke the truth; but he forgot to take into account +that he had never read "Robinson Crusoe." + +Of Ralph's school-days there is but little to report, for, to tell the +truth, he did not fancy going to school, as the discipline annoyed him. +The day after his having entered the gymnasium, which was to prepare +him for the Military Academy, the principal saw him waiting at the gate +after his class had been dismissed. He approached him, and asked why he +did not go home with the rest. + +"I am waiting for the servant to carry my books," was the boy's answer. + +"Give me your books," said the teacher. + +Ralph reluctantly obeyed. That day the Colonel was not a little +surprised to see his son marching up the street, and every now and then +glancing behind him with a look of discomfort at the principal, who +was following quietly in his train, carrying a parcel of school-books. +Colonel Grim and his wife, divining the teacher's intention, agreed that +it was a great outrage, but they did not mention the matter to Ralph. +Henceforth, however, the boy refused to be accompanied by his servant. A +week later he was impudent to the teacher of gymnastics, who whipped him +in return. The Colonel's rage knew no bounds; he rode in great haste to +the gymnasium, reviled the teacher for presuming to chastise _his_ son, +and committed the boy to the care of a private tutor. + +At the age of sixteen, Ralph went to the capital with the intention of +entering the Military Academy. He was a tall, handsome youth, slender of +stature, and carried himself as erect as a candle. He had a light, clear +complexion of almost feminine delicacy; blond, curly hair, which he +always kept carefully brushed; a low forehead, and a straight, finely +modeled nose. There was an expression of extreme sensitiveness about +the nostrils, and a look of indolence in the dark-blue eyes. But the +_ensemble_ of his features was pleasing, his dress irreproachable, and +his manners bore no trace of the awkward self-consciousness peculiar to +his age. Immediately on his arrival in the capital he hired a suite of +rooms in the aristocratic part of the city, and furnished them rather +expensively, but in excellent taste. From a bosom friend, whom he met +by accident in the restaurant's pavilion in the park, he learned that +a pair of antlers, a stuffed eagle, or falcon, and a couple of swords, +were indispensable to a well-appointed apartment. He accordingly bought +these articles at a curiosity shop. During the first weeks of his +residence in the city he made some feeble efforts to perfect himself in +mathematics, in which he suspected he was somewhat deficient. But when +the same officious friend laughed at him, and called him "green," he +determined to trust to fortune, and henceforth devoted himself the +more assiduously to the French ballet, where he had already made some +interesting acquaintances. + +The time for the examination came; the French ballet did not prove a +good preparation; Ralph failed. It quite shook him for the time, and +he felt humiliated. He had not the courage to tell his father; so he +lingered on from day to day, sat vacantly gazing out of his window, and +tried vainly to interest himself in the busy bustle down on the street. +It provoked him that everybody else should be so light-hearted, when +he was, or at least fancied himself, in trouble. The parlor grew +intolerable; he sought refuge in his bedroom. There he sat one evening +(it was the third day after the examination), and stared out upon the +gray stone walls which on all sides inclosed the narrow courtyard. +The round stupid face of the moon stood tranquilly dozing like a great +Limburger cheese suspended under the sky. + +Ralph, at least, could think of a no more fitting simile. But the +bright-eyed young girl in the window hard by sent a longing look up to +the same moon, and thought of her distant home on the fjords, where the +glaciers stood like hoary giants, and caught the yellow moonbeams on +their glittering shields of snow. She had been reading "Ivanhoe" all the +afternoon, until the twilight had overtaken her quite unaware, and +now she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to write her German +exercise. She lifted her face and saw a pair of sad, vacant eyes gazing +at her from the next window in the angle of the court She was a little +startled at first, but in the next moment she thought of her German +exercise and took heart. + +"Do you know German?" she said; then immediately repented that she had +said it. + +"I do," was the answer. + +She took up her apron and began to twist it with an air of +embarrassment. + +"I didn't mean anything," she whispered, at last. "I only wanted to +know." + +"You are very kind." + +That answer roused her; he was evidently making sport of her. + +"Well, then, if you do, you may write my exercise for me. I have marked +the place in the book." + +And she flung her book over to the window, and he caught it on the edge +of the sill, just as it was falling. + +"You are a very strange girl," he remarked, turning over the leaves of +the book, although it was too dark to read. "How old are you?" + +"I shall be fourteen six weeks before Christmas," answered she, frankly. + +"Then I excuse you." + +"No, indeed," cried she, vehemently. "You needn't excuse me at all. If +you don't want to write my exercise, you may send the book back again. I +am very sorry I spoke to you, and I shall never do it again." + +"But you will not get the book back again without the exercise," replied +he, quietly. "Good-night." + +The girl stood long looking after him, hoping that he would return. +Then, with a great burst of repentance, she hid her face in her lap, and +began to cry. + +"Oh, dear, I didn't mean to be rude," she sobbed. "But it was Ivanhoe +and Rebecca who upset me." + +The next morning she was up before daylight, and waited for two long +hours in great suspense before the curtain of his window was raised. He +greeted her politely; threw a hasty glance around the court to see if he +was observed, and then tossed her book dexterously over into her hands. + +"I have pinned the written exercise to the flyleaf," he said. "You will +probably have time to copy it before breakfast." + +"I am ever so much obliged to you," she managed to stammer. + +He looked so tall and handsome, and grown-up, and her remorse stuck in +her throat, and threatened to choke her. She had taken him for a boy as +he sat there in his window the evening before. + +"By the way, what is your name?" he asked, carelessly, as he turned to +go. + +"Bertha." + +"Well, my dear Bertha, I am happy to have made your acquaintance." + +And he again made her a polite bow, and entered his parlor. + +"How provokingly familiar he is," thought she; "but no one can deny that +he is handsome." + +The bright roguish face of the young girl haunted Ralph during the whole +next week. He had been in love at least ten times before, of course; +but, like most boys, with young ladies far older than himself. He found +himself frequently glancing over to her window in the hope of catching +another glimpse of her face; but the curtain was always drawn down, +and Bertha remained invisible. During the second week, however, she +relented, and they had many a pleasant chat together. He now volunteered +to write all her exercises, and she made no objections. He learned that +she was the daughter of a well-to-do peasant in the sea-districts of +Norway (and it gave him quite a shock to hear it), and that she was +going to school in the city, and boarded with an old lady who kept a +_pension_ in the house adjoining the one in which he lived. + +One day in the autumn Ralph was surprised by the sudden arrival of his +father, and the fact of his failure in the examination could no longer +be kept a secret. The old Colonel flared up at once when Ralph made +his confession; the large veins upon his forehead swelled; he grew +coppery-red in his face, and stormed up and down the floor, until his +son became seriously alarmed; but, to his great relief, he was soon made +aware that his father's wrath was not turned against him personally, but +against the officials of the Military Academy who had rejected him. +The Colonel took it as insult to his own good name and irreproachable +standing as an officer; he promptly refused any other explanation, and +vainly racked his brain to remember if any youthful folly of his could +possibly have made him enemies among the teachers of the Academy. He +at last felt satisfied that it was envy of his own greatness and rapid +advancement which had induced the rascals to take vengeance on his son. +Ralph reluctantly followed his father back to the country town where +the latter was stationed, and the fair-haired Bertha vanished from his +horizon. His mother's wish now prevailed, and he began, in his own easy +way, to prepare himself for the University. He had little taste for +Cicero, and still less for Virgil, but with the use of a "pony" he soon +gained sufficient knowledge of these authors to be able to talk in a +sort of patronizing way about them, to the great delight of his fond +parents. He took quite a fancy, however, to the ode in Horace ending +with the lines: + + Dolce ridentem, + Dulce loqucntem, + Lalagen amabo. + +And in his thought he substituted for Lalage the fair-haired Bertha, +quite regardless of the requirements of the metre. + +To make a long story short, three years later Ralph returned to the +capital, and, after having worn out several tutors, actually succeeded +in entering the University. + +The first year of college life is a happy time to every young man, and +Ralph enjoyed its processions, its parliamentary gatherings, and +its leisure, as well as the rest. He was certainly not the man to be +sentimental over the loss of a young girl whom, moreover, he had only +known for a few weeks. Nevertheless, he thought of her at odd times, but +not enough to disturb his pleasure. The standing of his family, his own +handsome appearance, and his immaculate linen opened to him the best +houses of the city, and he became a great favorite in society. At +lectures he was seldom seen, but more frequently in the theatres, where +he used to come in during the middle of the first act, take his station +in front of the orchestra box, and eye, through his lorgnette, by turns, +the actresses and the ladies of the parquet. + + + + +II + +Two months passed, and then came the great annual ball which the +students give at the opening of the second semester. Ralph was a man of +importance that evening; first, because he belonged to a great family; +secondly, because he was the handsomest man of his year. He wore a large +golden star on his breast (for his fellow-students had made him a Knight +of the Golden Boar) and a badge of colored ribbons in his buttonhole. + +The ball was a brilliant affair, and everybody was in excellent spirits, +especially the ladies. Ralph danced incessantly, twirled his soft +mustache, and uttered amiable platitudes. It was toward midnight, just +as the company was moving out to supper, that he caught the glance of a +pair of dark-blue eyes, which suddenly drove the blood to his cheeks +and hastened the beating of his heart. But when he looked once more the +dark-blue eyes were gone, and his unruly heart went on hammering against +his side. He laid his hand on his breast and glanced furtively at his +fair neighbor, but she looked happy and unconcerned, for the flavor of +the ice cream was delicious. It seemed an endless meal, but, when it +was done, Ralph rose, led his partner back to the ballroom, and hastily +excused himself. His glance wandered round the wide hall, seeking the +well-remembered eyes once more, and, at length, finding them in a remote +corner, half hid behind a moving wall of promenaders. In another moment +he was at Bertha's side. + +"You must have been purposely hiding yourself, Miss Bertha," said he, +when the usual greetings were exchanged. "I have not caught a glimpse of +you all this evening, until a few moments ago." + +"But I have seen you all the while," answered the girl, frankly. "I knew +you at once as I entered the hall." + +"If I had but known that you were here," resumed Ralph, as it were +invisibly expanding with an agreeable sense of dignity, "I assure you +you would have been the very first one I should have sought." + +She raised her large grave eyes to his, as if questioning his sincerity; +but she made no answer. + +"Good gracious!" thought Ralph. "She takes things terribly in earnest." + +"You look so serious, Miss Bertha," said he, after a moment's pause. "I +remember you as a bright-eyed, flaxen-haired little girl, who threw her +German exercise-book to me across the yard, and whose merry laughter +still rings pleasantly in my memory, I confess I don't find it quite +easy to identify this grave young lady with my merry friend of three +years ago." + +"In other words, you are disappointed at not finding me the same as I +used to be." + +"No, not exactly that; but--" + +Ralph paused and looked puzzled. There was something in the earnestness +of her manner which made a facetious compliment seem grossly +inappropriate, and in the moment no other escape suggested itself. + +"But what?" demanded Bertha, mercilessly. + +"Have you ever lost an old friend?" asked he, abruptly. + +"Yes; how so?" + +"Then," answered he, while his features lighted up with a happy +inspiration--"then you will appreciate my situation. I fondly cherished +my old picture of you in my memory. Now I have lost it, and I can not +help regretting the loss. I do not mean, however, to imply that this new +acquaintance--this second edition of yourself, so to speak--will prove +less interesting." + +She again sent him a grave, questioning look, and began to gaze intently +upon the stone in her bracelet. + +"I suppose you will laugh at me," began she, while a sudden blush +flitted over her countenance. "But this is my first ball, and I feel +as if I had rushed into a whirlpool, from which I have, since the first +rash plunge was made, been vainly trying to escape. I feel so dreadfully +forlorn. I hardly know anybody here except my cousin, who invited me, +and I hardly think I know him either." + +"Well, since you are irredeemably committed," replied Ralph, as the +music, after some prefatory flourishes, broke into the delicious rhythm +of a Strauss waltz, "then it is no use struggling against fate. Come, +let us make the plunge together. Misery loves company." + +He offered her his arm, and she rose, somewhat hesitatingly, and +followed. + +"I am afraid," she whispered, as they fell into line with the procession +that was moving down the long hall, "that you have asked me to dance +merely because I said I felt forlorn. If that is the case, I should +prefer to be led back to my seat." + +"What a base imputation!" cried Ralph. + +There was something so charmingly _naive_ in this +self-depreciation--something so altogether novel in his experience, and, +he could not help adding, just a little bit countrified. His spirits +rose; he began to relish keenly his position as an experienced man +of the world, and, in the agreeable glow of patronage and conscious +superiority, chatted with hearty _abandon_ with his little rustic +beauty. + +"If your dancing is as perfect as your German exercises were," said she, +laughing, as they swung out upon the floor, "then I promise myself a +good deal of pleasure from our meeting." + +"Never fear," answered he, quickly reversing his step, and whirling with +many a capricious turn away among the thronging couples. + +When Ralph drove home in his carriage toward morning he briefly summed +up his impressions of Bertha in the following adjectives: intelligent, +delightfully unsophisticated, a little bit verdant, but devilish pretty. + +Some weeks later Colonel Grim received an appointment at the fortress of +Aggershuus, and immediately took up his residence in the capital. He saw +that his son cut a fine figure in the highest circles of society, and +expressed his gratification in the most emphatic terms. If he had +known, however, that Ralph was in the habit of visiting, with alarming +regularity, at the house of a plebeian merchant in a somewhat obscure +street, he would, no doubt, have been more chary of his praise. But the +Colonel suspected nothing, and it was well for the peace of the family +that he did not. It may have been cowardice in Ralph that he +never mentioned Bertha's name to his family or to his aristocratic +acquaintances; for, to be candid, he himself felt ashamed of the power +she exerted over him, and by turns pitied and ridiculed himself for +pursuing so inglorious a conquest. Nevertheless it wounded his egotism +that she never showed any surprise at seeing him, that she received him +with with a certain frank unceremoniousness, which, however, was very +becoming to her; that she invariably went on with her work heedless +of his presence, and in everything treated him as if she had been his +equal. She persisted in talking with him in a half sisterly fashion +about his studies and his future career, warned him with great +solicitude against some of his reprobate friends, of whose merry +adventures he had told her; and if he ventured to compliment her on +her beauty or her accomplishments, she would look up gravely from +her sewing, or answer him in a way which seemed to banish the idea of +love-making into the land of the impossible. He was constantly tormented +by the suspicion that she secretly disapproved of him, and that from a +mere moral interest in his welfare she was conscientiously laboring +to make him a better man. Day after day he parted from her feeling +humiliated, faint-hearted, and secretly indignant both at himself and +her, and day after day he returned only to renew the same experience. +At last it became too intolerable, he could endure it no longer. Let it +make or break, certainty, at all risks, was at least preferable to this +sickening suspense. That he loved her, he could no longer doubt; let his +parents foam and fret as much as they pleased; for once he was going to +stand on his own legs. And in the end, he thought, they would have to +yield, for they had no son but him. + +Bertha was going to return to her home on the sea-coast in a week. +Ralph stood in the little low-ceiled parlor, as she imagined, to bid +her good-by. They had been speaking of her father, her brothers, and the +farm, and she had expressed the wish that if he ever should come to that +part of the country he might pay them a visit. Her words had kindled +a vague hope in his breast, but in their very frankness and friendly +regard there was something which slew the hope they had begotten. He +held her hand in his, and her large confiding eyes shone with an emotion +which was beautiful, but was yet not love. + +"If you were but a peasant born like myself," said she, in a voice which +sounded almost tender, "then I should like to talk to you as I would to +my own brother; but--" + +"No, not brother, Bertha," cried he, with sudden vehemence; "I love you +better than I ever loved any earthly being, and if you knew how firmly +this love has clutched at the roots of my heart, you would perhaps--you +would at least not look so reproachfully at me." + +She dropped his hand, and stood for a moment silent. + +"I am sorry that it should have come to this, Mr. Grim," said she, +visibly struggling for calmness. "And I am perhaps more to blame than +you." + +"Blame," muttered he, "why are you to blame?" + +"Because I do not love you; although I sometimes feared that this might +come. But then again I persuaded myself that it could not be so." + +He took a step toward the door, laid his hand on the knob, and gazed +down before him. + +"Bertha," began he, slowly, raising his head, "you have always +disapproved of me, you have despised me in your heart, but you thought +you would be doing a good work if you succeeded in making a man of me." + +"You use strong language," answered she, hesitatingly; "but there is +truth in what you say." + +Again there was a long pause, in which the ticking of the old parlor +clock grew louder and louder. + +"Then," he broke out at last, "tell me before we part if I can do +nothing to gain--I will not say your love--but only your regard? What +would you do if you were in my place?" + +"My advice you will hardly heed, and I do not even know that it would +be well if you did. But if I were a man in your position, I should break +with my whole past, start out into the world where nobody knew me, and +where I should be dependent only upon my own strength, and there I would +conquer a place for myself, if it were only for the satisfaction of +knowing that I was really a man. Here cushions are sewed under your +arms, a hundred invisible threads bind you to a life of idleness and +vanity, everybody is ready to carry you on his hands, the road is +smoothed for you, every stone carefully moved out of your path, and you +will probably go to your grave without having ever harbored one earnest +thought, without having done one manly deed." + +Ralph stood transfixed, gazing at her with open mouth; he felt a kind of +stupid fright, as if some one had suddenly seized him by the shoulders +and shaken him violently. He tried vainly to remove his eyes from +Bertha. She held him as by a powerful spell. He saw that her face was +lighted with an altogether new beauty; he noticed the deep glow upon her +cheek, the brilliancy of her eye, the slight quiver of her lip. But he +saw all this as one sees things in a half-trance, without attempting to +account for them; the door between his soul and his senses was closed. + +"I know that I have been bold in speaking to you in this way," she said +at last, seating herself in a chair at the window. "But it was yourself +who asked me. And I have felt all the time that I should have to tell +you this before we parted." + +"And," answered he, making a strong effort to appear calm, "if I follow +your advice, will you allow me to see you once more before you go?" + +"I shall remain here another week, and shall, during that time, always +be ready to receive you." + +"Thank you. Good-by." + +"Good-by." + +Ralph carefully avoided all the fashionable thoroughfares; he felt +degraded before himself, and he had an idea that every man could read +his humiliation in his countenance. Now he walked on quickly, striking +the sidewalk with his heels; now, again, he fell into an uneasy, +reckless saunter, according as the changing moods in' spired defiance +of his sentence, or a qualified surrender. And, as he walked on, the +bitterness grew within him, and he piteously reviled himself for having +allowed himself to be made a fool of by "that little country goose," +when he was well aware that there were hundreds of women of the best +families of the land who would feel honored at receiving his attentions. +But this sort of reasoning he knew to be both weak and contemptible, and +his better self soon rose in loud rebellion. + +"After all," he muttered, "in the main thing she was right. I am a +miserable good-for-nothing, a hothouse plant, a poor stick, and if I +were a woman myself, I don't think I should waste my affections on a man +of that calibre." + +Then he unconsciously fell to analyzing Bertha's character, wondering +vaguely that a person who moved so timidly in social life, appearing +so diffident, from an ever-present fear of blundering against the +established forms of etiquette, could judge so quickly, and with such a +merciless certainty, whenever a moral question, a question of right +and wrong, was at issue. And, pursuing the same train of thought, he +contrasted her with himself, who moved in the highest spheres of society +as in his native element, heedless of moral scruples, and conscious of +no loftier motive for his actions than the immediate pleasure of the +moment. + +As Ralph turned the corner of a street, he heard himself hailed from the +other sidewalk by a chorus of merry voices. + +"Ah, my dear Baroness," cried a young man, springing across the street +and grasping Ralph's hand (all his student friends called him the +Baroness), "in the name of this illustrious company, allow me to salute +you. But why the deuce--what is the matter with you? If you have the +_Katzenjammer_* soda-water is the thing. Come along--it's my treat!" + + * _Katzenjammer_ is the sensation a man has the morning + after a carousal. + +The students instantly thronged around Ralph, who stood distractedly +swinging his cane and smiling idiotically. + +"I am not quite well," said he; "leave me alone." + +"No, to be sure, you don't look well," cried a jolly youth, against +whom Bertha had frequently warned him; "but a glass of sherry will soon +restore you. It would be highly immoral to leave you in this condition +without taking care of you." + +Ralph again vainly tried to remonstrate; but the end was, that he +reluctantly followed. + +He had always been a conspicuous figure in the student world; but that +night he astonished his friends by his eloquence, his reckless humor, +and his capacity for drinking. He made a speech for "Woman," which +bristled with wit, cynicism, and sarcastic epigrams. One young man, +named Vinter, who was engaged, undertook to protest against his sweeping +condemnation, and declared that Ralph, who was a universal favorite +among the ladies, ought to be the last to revile them. + +"If," he went on, "the Baroness should propose to six well-known +ladies here in this city whom I could mention, I would wager six +Johannisbergers, and an equal amount of champagne, that every one of +them would accept him." + +The others loudly applauded this proposal, and Ralph accepted the wager. +The letters were written on the spot, and immediately despatched. Toward +morning, the merry carousal broke up, and Ralph was conducted in triumph +to his home. + + + + +III + +Two days later, Ralph again knocked on Bertha's door. He looked paler +than usual, almost haggard; his immaculate linen was a little crumpled, +and he carried no cane; his lips were tightly compressed, and his face +wore an air of desperate resolution. + +"It is done," he said, as he seated himself opposite her. "I am going." + +"Going!" cried she, startled at his unusual appearance. "How, where?" + +"To America. I sail to-night. I have followed your advice, you see. I +have cut off the last bridge behind me." + +"But, Ralph," she exclaimed, in a voice of alarm. "Something dreadful +must have happened. Tell me quick; I must know it." + +"No; nothing dreadful," muttered he, smiling bitterly. "I have made +a little scandal, that is all. My father told me to-day to go to the +devil, if I chose, and my mother gave me five hundred dollars to help me +along on the way. If you wish to know, here is the explanation." + +And he pulled from his pocket six perfumed and carefully folded notes, +and threw them into her lap. + +"Do you wish me to read them?" she asked, with growing surprise. + +"Certainly. Why not?" + +She hastily opened one note after the other, and read. + +"But, Ralph," she cried, springing up from her seat, while her eyes +flamed with indignation, "what does this mean? What have you done?" + +"I didn't think it needed any explanation," replied he, with feigned +indifference. "I proposed to them all, and, you see, they all accepted +me. I received all these letters to-day. I only wished to know whether +the whole world regarded me as such a worthless scamp as you told me I +was." + +She did not answer, but sat mutely staring at him, fiercely crumpling a +rose-colored note in her hand. He began to feel uncomfortable under her +gaze, and threw himself about uneasily in his chair. + +"Well," said he, at length, rising, "I suppose there is nothing more. +Good-by." + +"One moment, Mr. Grim," demanded she, sternly. "Since I have already +said so much, and you have obligingly revealed to me a new side of your +character, I claim the right to correct the opinion I expressed of you +at our last meeting." + +"I am all attention." + +"I did think, Mr. Grim," began she, breathing hard, and steadying +herself against the table at which she stood, "that you were a very +selfish man--an embodiment of selfishness, absolute and supreme, but I +did not believe that you were wicked." + +"And what convinced you that I was selfish, if I may ask?" + +"What convinced me?" repeated she, in a tone of inexpressible contempt. +"When did you ever act from any generous regard for others? What good +did you ever do to anybody?" + +"You might ask, with equal justice, what good I ever did to myself." + +"In a certain sense, yes; because to gratify a mere momentary wish is +hardly doing one's self good." + +"Then I have, at all events, followed the Biblical precept, and treated +my neighbor very much as I treat myself." + +"I did think," continued Bertha, without heeding the remark, "that you +were at bottom kind-hearted, but too hopelessly well-bred ever to commit +an act of any decided complexion, either good or bad. Now I see that +I have misjudged you, and that you are capable of outraging the most +sacred feelings of a woman's heart in mere wantonness, or for the sake +of satisfying a base curiosity, which never could have entered the mind +of an upright and generous man." + +The hard, benumbed look in Ralph's face thawed in the warmth of her +presence, and her words, though stern, touched a secret spring in his +heart. He made two or three vain attempts to speak, then suddenly broke +down, and cried: + +"Bertha, Bertha, even if you scorn me, have patience with me, and +listen." + +And he told her, in rapid, broken sentences, how his love for her had +grown from day to day, until he could no longer master it; and how, in +an unguarded moment, when his pride rose in fierce conflict against +his love, he had done this reckless deed of which he was now heartily +ashamed. The fervor of his words touched her, for she felt that they +were sincere. Large mute tears trembled in her eyelashes as she sat +gazing tenderly at him, and in the depth of her soul the wish awoke that +she might have been able to return this great and strong love of his; +for she felt that in this love lay the germ of a new, of a stronger and +better man. She noticed, with a half-regretful pleasure, his handsome +figure, his delicately shaped hands, and the noble cast of his features; +an overwhelming pity for him rose within her, and she began to reproach +herself for having spoken so harshly, and, as she now thought, so +unjustly. Perhaps he read in her eyes the unspoken wish. He seized her +hand, and his words fell with a warm and alluring cadence upon her ear. + +"I shall not see you for a long time to come, Bertha," said he, "but if +at the end of five or six years your hand is still free, and I +return another man--a man to whom you could safely intrust your +happiness--would you then listen to what I may have to say to you? For I +promise, by all that we both hold sacred--" + +"No, no," interrupted she, hastily. "Promise nothing. It would be unjust +to yourself, and perhaps also to me; for a sacred promise is a terrible +thing, Ralph. Let us both remain free; and, if you return and still love +me, then come, and I shall receive you and listen to you. And even if +you have outgrown your love, which is, indeed, more probable, come still +to visit me wherever I may be, and we shall meet as friends and rejoice +in the meeting." + +"You know best," he murmured. "Let it be as you have said." + +He arose, took her face between his hands, gazed long and tenderly into +her eyes, pressed a kiss upon her forehead, and hastened away. + +That night Ralph boarded the steamer for Hull, and three weeks later +landed in New York. + + + + +IV + +The first three months of Ralph's sojourn in America were spent in vain +attempts to obtain a situation. Day after day he walked down Broadway, +calling at various places of business, and night after night he returned +to his cheerless room with a faint heart and declining spirits. It was, +after all, a more serious thing than he had imagined, to cut the cable +which binds one to the land of one's birth. There a hundred subtile +influences, the existence of which no one suspects until the moment they +are withdrawn, unite to keep one in the straight path of rectitude, or +at least of external respectability; and Ralph's life had been all in +society; the opinion of his fellow-men had been the one force to which +he implicitly deferred, and the conscience by which he had been wont +to test his actions had been nothing but the aggregate judgment of his +friends. To such a man the isolation and the utter irresponsibility of a +life among strangers was tenfold more dangerous; and Ralph found, to his +horror, that his character contained innumerable latent possibilities +which the easy-going life in his home probably never would have revealed +to him. It often cut him to the quick, when, on entering an office in +his daily search for employment, he was met by hostile or suspicious +glances, or when, as it occasionally happened, the door was slammed in +his face, as if he were a vagabond or an impostor. Then the wolf was +often roused within him, and he felt a momentary wild desire to become +what the people here evidently believed him to be. Many a night he +sauntered irresolutely about the gambling places in obscure streets, +and the glare of light, the rude shouts and clamors in the same moment +repelled and attracted him. If he went to the devil, who would care? His +father had himself pointed out the way to him; and nobody could blame +him if he followed the advice. But then again a memory emerged from that +chamber of his soul which still he held sacred; and Bertha's deep-blue +eyes gazed upon him with their earnest look of tender warning and +regret. + +When the summer was half gone, Ralph had gained many a hard victory over +himself, and learned many a useful lesson; and at length he swallowed +his pride, divested himself of his fine clothes, and accepted a +position as assistant gardener at a villa on the Hudson. And as he stood +perspiring with a spade in his hand, and a cheap broad-brimmed straw hat +on his head, he often took a grim pleasure in picturing to himself +how his aristocratic friends at home would receive him if he should +introduce himself to them in this new costume. + +"After all, it was only my position they cared for," he reflected, +bitterly; "without my father's name what would I be to them?" + +Then, again, there was a certain satisfaction in knowing that, for +his present situation, humble as it was, he was indebted to nobody but +himself; and the thought that Bertha's eyes, if they could have seen him +now, would have dwelt upon him with pleasure and approbation, went far +to console him for his aching back, his sunburned face, and his swollen +and blistered hands. + +One day, as Ralph was raking the gravel-walks in the garden, his +employer's daughter, a young lady of seventeen, came out and spoke to +him. His culture and refinement of manner struck her with wonder, and +she asked him to tell her his history; but then he suddenly grew very +grave, and she forbore pressing him. From that time she attached a kind +of romantic interest to him, and finally induced her father to obtain +him a situation that would be more to his taste. And, before winter +came, Ralph saw the dawn of a new future glimmering before him. He had +wrestled bravely with fate, and had once more gained a victory. He began +the career in which success and distinction awaited him as proofreader +on a newspaper in the city. He had fortunately been familiar with the +English language before he left home, and by the strength of his will he +conquered all difficulties. At the end of two years he became attached +to the editorial staff; new ambitious hopes, hitherto foreign to his +mind, awoke within him; and with joyous tumult of heart he saw life +opening its wide vistas before him, and he labored on manfully to repair +the losses of the past, and to prepare himself for greater usefulness in +times to come. He felt in himself a stronger and fuller manhood, as if +the great arteries of the vast universal world-life pulsed in his own +being. The drowsy, indolent existence at home appeared like a dull +remote dream from which he had awaked, and he blessed the destiny which, +by its very sternness, had mercifully saved him; he blessed her, too, +who, from the very want of love for him, had, perhaps, made him worthier +of love. + +The years flew rapidly. Society had flung its doors open to him, and +what was more, he had found some warm friends, in whose houses he +could come and go at pleasure. He enjoyed keenly the privilege of daily +association with high-minded and refined women; their eager activity +of intellect stimulated him, their exquisite ethereal grace and their +delicately chiseled beauty satisfied his sthetic cravings, and the +responsive vivacity of their nature prepared him ever new surprises. +He felt a strange fascination in the presence of these women, and the +conviction grew upon him that their type of womanhood was superior to +any he had hitherto known. And by way of refuting his own argument, he +would draw from his pocketbook the photograph of Bertha, which had a +secret compartment there all to itself, and, gazing tenderly at it, +would eagerly defend her against the disparaging reflections which the +involuntary comparison had provoked. And still, how could he help seeing +that her features, though well molded, lacked animation; that her eye, +with its deep, trustful glance, was not brilliant, and that the calm +earnestness of her face, when compared with the bright, intellectual +beauty of his present friends, appeared pale and simple, like a violet +in a bouquet of vividly colored roses? It gave him a quick pang, when, +at times, he was forced to admit this; nevertheless, it was the truth. + +After six years of residence in America, Ralph had gained a very high +reputation as a journalist of rare culture and ability, and in 1867 he +was sent to the World's Exhibition in Paris, as correspondent of the +paper on which he had during all these years been employed. What wonder, +then, that he started for Europe a few weeks before his presence was +needed in the imperial city, and that he steered his course directly +toward the fjord valley where Bertha had her home? It was she who had +bidden him Godspeed when he fled from the land of his birth, and she, +too, should receive his first greeting on his return. + + + + +V + +The sun had fortified itself behind a citadel of flaming clouds, and the +upper forest region shone with a strange ethereal glow, while the +lower plains were wrapped in shadow; but the shadow itself had a +strong suffusion of color. The mountain peaks rose cold and blue in the +distance. + +Ralph, having inquired his way of the boatman who had landed him at the +pier, walked rapidly along the beach, with a small valise in his hand, +and a light summer overcoat flung over his shoulder. Many half-thoughts +grazed his mind, and ere the first had taken shape, the second and the +third came and chased it away. And still they all in some fashion had +reference to Bertha; for in a misty, abstract way, she filled his whole +mind; but for some indefinable reason, he was afraid to give free rein +to the sentiment which lurked in the remoter corners of his soul. + +Onward he hastened, while his heart throbbed with the quickening tempo +of mingled expectation and fear. Now and then one of those chill gusts +of air, which seem to be careering about aimlessly in the atmosphere +during early summer, would strike into his face, and recal! him to a +keener self-consciousness. + +Ralph concluded, from his increasing agitation, that he must be very +near Bertha's home. He stopped and looked around him. He saw a large +maple at the roadside, some thirty steps from where he was standing, +and the girl who was sitting under it, resting her head in her hand and +gazing out over the sea, he recognized in an instant to be Bertha. He +sprang up on the road, not crossing, however, her line of vision, and +approached her noiselessly from behind. + +"Bertha," he whispered. + +She gave a little joyous cry, sprang up, and made a gesture as if +to throw herself in his arms; then suddenly checked herself, blushed +crimson, and moved a step backward. + +"You came so suddenly," she murmured. + +"But, Bertha," cried he (and the full bass of his voice rang through her +very soul), "have I gone into exile and waited these many years for so +cold a welcome?" + +"You have changed so much, Ralph," she answered, with that old grave +smile which he knew so well, and stretched out both her hands toward +him. "And I have thought of you so much since you went away, and blamed +myself because I had judged you so harshly, and wondered that you could +listen to me so patiently, and never bear me any malice for what I +said." + +"If you had said a word less," declared Ralph, seating himself at +her side on the greensward, "or if you had varnished it over with +politeness, then you would probably have failed to produce any effect +and I should not have been burdened with that heavy debt of gratitude +which I now owe you. I was a pretty thick-skinned animal in those days, +Bertha. You said the right word at the right moment; you gave me a bold +and a good piece of advice, which my own ingenuity would never have +suggested to me. I will not thank you, because, in so grave a case as +this, spoken thanks sound like a mere mockery. Whatever I am, Bertha, +and whatever I may hope to be, I owe it all to that hour." + +She listened with rapture to the manly assurance of his voice; her eyes +dwelt with unspeakable joy upon his strong, bronzed features, his full +thick blond beard, and the vigorous proportions of his frame. Many and +many a time during his absence had she wondered how he would look if +he ever came back, and with that minute conscientiousness which, as it +were, pervaded her whole character, she had held herself responsible +before God for his fate, prayed for him, and trembled lest evil powers +should gain the ascendency over his soul. + +On their way to the house they talked together of many things, but in +a guarded, cautious fashion, and without the cheerful abandonment of +former years. They both, as it were, groped their way carefully in each +other's minds, and each vaguely felt that there was something in the +other's thought which it was not well to touch unbidden. Bertha saw +that all her fears for him had been groundless, and his very appearance +lifted the whole weight of responsibility from her breast; and still, +did she rejoice at her deliverance from her burden? Ah, no; in this +moment she knew that that which she had foolishly cherished as the +best and noblest part of herself had been but a selfish need of her own +heart. She feared that she had only taken that interest in him which one +feels in a thing of one's own making, and now, when she saw that he had +risen quite above her; that he was free and strong, and could have no +more need of her, she had, instead of generous pleasure at his success, +but a painful sense of emptiness, as if something very dear had been +taken from her. + +Ralph, too, was loth to analyze the impression his old love made upon +him. His feelings were of so complex a nature, he was anxious to keep +his more magnanimous impulses active, and he strove hard to convince +himself that she was still the same to him as she had been before they +had ever parted. But, alas! though the heart be warm and generous, the +eye is a merciless critic. And the man who had moved on the wide arena +of the world, whose mind had housed the large thoughts of this century, +and expanded with its invigorating breath--was he to blame because he +had unconsciously outgrown his old provincial self, and could no more +judge by its standards? + +Bertha's father was a peasant, but he had, by his lumber trade, acquired +what in Norway was called a very handsome fortune. He received his guest +with dignified reserve, and Ralph thought he detected in his eyes a +lurking look of distrust. "I know your errand," that look seemed to say, +"but you had better give it up at once. It will be of no use for you to +try." + +And after supper, as Ralph and Bertha sat talking confidingly with each +other at the window, he sent his daughter a quick, sharp glance, and +then, without ceremony, commanded her to go to bed. Ralph's heart gave +a great thump within him; not because he feared the old man, but because +his words, as well as his glances, revealed to him the sad history of +these long, patient years. He doubted no longer that the love which he +had once so ardently desired was his at last; and he made a silent vow +that, come what might, he would remain faithful. + +As he came down to breakfast the next morning, he found Bertha sitting +at the window, engaged in hemming what appeared to be a rough kitchen +towel. She bent eagerly over her work, and only a vivid flush upon her +cheek told him that she had noticed his coming. He took a chair, seated +himself opposite her, and bade her "good-morning." She raised her head, +and showed him a sweet, troubled countenance, which the early sunlight +illumined with a high spiritual beauty. It reminded him forcibly of +those pale, sweet-faced saints of Fra Angelico, with whom the frail +flesh seems ever on the point of yielding to the ardent aspirations of +the spirit. And still even in this moment he could not prevent his eyes +from observing that one side of her forefinger was rough from sewing, +and that the whiteness of her arm, which the loose sleeves displayed, +contrasted strongly with the browned and sunburned complexion of her +hands. + +After breakfast they again walked together on the beach, and Ralph, +having once formed his resolution, now talked freely of the New +World--of his sphere of activity there; of his friends and of his plans +for the future; and she listened to him with a mild, perplexed look in +her eyes, as if trying vainly to follow the flight of his thoughts. And +he wondered, with secret dismay, whether she was still the same strong, +brave-hearted girl whom he had once accounted almost bold; whether the +life in this narrow valley, amid a hundred petty and depressing cares, +had not cramped her spiritual growth, and narrowed the sphere of her +thought. Or was she still the same, and was it only he who had changed? +At last he gave utterance to his wonder, and she answered him in those +grave, earnest tones which seemed in themselves to be half a refutation +of his doubts. + +"It was easy for me to give you daring advice then, Ralph," she said. +"Like most school-girls, I thought that life was a great and glorious +thing, and that happiness was a fruit which hung within reach of every +hand. Now I have lived for six years trying single-handed to relieve the +want and suffering of the needy people with whom I come in contact, +and their squalor and wretchedness have sickened me, and, what is still +worse, I feel that all I can do is as a drop in the ocean, and, after +all, amounts to nothing. I know I am no longer the same reckless girl +who, with the very best intention, sent you wandering through the wide +world; and I thank God that it proved to be for your good, although the +whole now appears quite incredible to me. My thoughts have moved so long +within the narrow circle of these mountains that they have lost their +youthful elasticity, and can no more rise above them." + +Ralph detected, in the midst of her despondency, a spark of her former +fire, and grew eloquent in his endeavors to persuade her that she was +unjust to herself, and that there was but a wider sphere of life needed +to develop all the latent powers of her rich nature. + +At the dinner-table, her father again sat eying his guest with that same +cold look of distrust and suspicion. And when the meal was at an end, he +rose abruptly and called his daughter into another room. Presently Ralph +heard his angry voice resounding through the house, interrupted now and +then by a woman's sobs, and a subdued, passionate pleading. When Bertha +again entered the room, her eyes were very red, and he saw that she had +been weeping. She threw a shawl over her shoulders, beckoned to him with +her hand, and he arose and followed her. She led the way silently until +they reached a thick copse of birch and alder near the strand. She +dropped down upon a bench between two trees, and he took his seat at her +side. + +"Ralph," began she, with a visible effort, "I hardly know what to say to +you; but there is something which I must tell you--my father wishes you +to leave us at once." + +"And _you_, Bertha?" + +"Well--yes--I wish it too." + +She saw the painful shock which her words gave him, and she strove hard +to speak. Her lips trembled, her eyes became suffused with tears, which +grew and grew, but never fell; she could not utter a word. + +"Well, Bertha," answered he, with a little quiver in his voice, "if you, +too, wish me to go, I shall not tarry. Good-by." + +He rose quickly, and, with averted face, held out his hand to her; but +as she made no motion to grasp the hand, he began distractedly to button +his coat, and moved slowly away. + +"Ralph." + +He turned sharply, and, before he knew it, she lay sobbing upon his +breast. + +"Ralph," she murmured, while the tears almost choked her words, "I could +not have you leave me thus. It is hard enough--it is hard enough--" + +"What is hard, beloved?" + +She raised her head abruptly, and turned upon him a gaze full of hope +and doubt, and sweet perplexity. + +"Ah, no, you do not love me," she whispered, sadly. + +"Why should I come to seek you, after these many years, dearest, if I +did not wish to make you my wife before God and men? Why should I--I." + +"Ah, yes, I know," she interrupted him with a fresh fit of weeping, "you +are too good and honest to wish to throw me away, now when you have seen +how my soul has hungered for the sight of you these many years, how even +now I cling to you with a despairing clutch. But you can not disguise +yourself, Ralph, and I saw from the first moment that you loved me no +more." + +"Do not be such an unreasonable child," he remonstrated, feebly. "I do +not love you with the wild, irrational passion of former years; but I +have the tenderest regard for you, and my heart warms at the sight of +your sweet face, and I shall do all in my power to make you as happy as +any man can make you who--" + +"Who does not love me," she finished. + +A sudden shudder seemed to shake her whole frame, and she drew herself +more tightly up to him. + +"Ah, no," she continued, after a while, sinking back upon her seat. +"It is a hopeless thing to compel a reluctant heart. I will accept no +sacrifice from you. You owe me nothing, for you have acted toward me +honestly and uprightly, and I shall be a stronger or--at least--a better +woman for what you gave me--and--for what you could not give me, even +though you would." + +"But, Bertha," exclaimed he, looking mournfully at her, "it is not true +when you say that I owe you nothing. Six years ago, when first I wooed +you, you could not return my love, and you sent me out into the world, +and even refused to accept any pledge or promise for the future." + +"And you returned," she responded, "a man, such as my hope had pictured +you; but, while I had almost been standing still, you had outgrown me +and outgrown your old self, and, with your old self, outgrown its love +for me, for your love was not of your new self, but of the old. Alas! it +is a sad tale, but it is true." + +She spoke gravely now, and with a steadier voice, but her eyes hung upon +his face with an eager look of expectation, as if yearning to detect +there some gleam of hope, some contradiction of the dismal truth. He +read that look aright and it pierced him like a sharp sword. He made a +brave effort to respond to its appeal, but his features seemed hard as +stone, and he could only cry out against his destiny, and bewail his +misfortune and hers. + +Toward evening, Ralph was sitting in an open boat, listening to the +measured oar-strokes of the boatmen who were rowing him out to the +nearest stopping-place of the steamer. The mountains lifted their great +placid heads up among the sun-bathed clouds, and the fjord opened its +cool depths as if to make room for their vast reflections. Ralph felt as +if he were floating in the midst of the blue infinite space, and, with +the strength which this feeling inspired, he tried to face boldly the +thought from which he had but a moment ago shrunk as from something +hopelessly sad and perplexing. + +And in that hour he looked fearlessly into the gulf which separates the +New World from the Old. He had hoped to bridge it; but, alas! it can not +be bridged. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Good-For-Nothing, by Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING *** + +***** This file should be named 23174-8.txt or 23174-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/1/7/23174/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Good-For-Nothing + 1876 + +Author: Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +Release Date: October 24, 2007 [EBook #23174] +Last Updated: October 18, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <div style="height: 8em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING + </h1> + <h2> + By Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen <br /><br /> By permission of Charles Scribner’s + Sons. <br /><br /><br /> Copyright, 1876, by James R. Osgood & Co + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> III </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> IV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> V </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + I + </h2> + <p> + Ralph Grimm was born a gentleman, He had the misfortune of coming into the + world some ten years later than might reasonably have been expected. + Colonel Grim and his lady had celebrated twelve anniversaries of their + wedding-day, and had given up all hopes of ever having a son and heir, + when this late comer startled them by his unexpected appearance. The only + previous addition to the family had been a daughter, and she was then ten + summers old. + </p> + <p> + Ralph was a very feeble child, and could only with great difficulty be + persuaded to retain his hold of the slender thread which bound him to + existence. He was rubbed with whiskey, and wrapped in cotton, and given + mare’s milk to drink, and God knows what not, and the Colonel swore a + round oath of paternal delight when at last the infant stopped gasping in + that distressing way and began to breathe like other human beings. The + mother, who, in spite of her anxiety for the child’s life, had found time + to plot for him a career of future magnificence, now suddenly set him + apart for literature, because that was the easiest road to fame, and + disposed of him in marriage to one of the most distinguished families of + the land. She cautiously suggested this to her husband when he came to + take his seat at her bedside; but to her utter astonishment she found that + he had been indulging a similar train of thought, and had already destined + the infant prodigy for the army. She, however, could not give up her + predilection for literature, and the Colonel, who could not bear to be + contradicted in his own house, as he used to say, was getting every minute + louder and more flushed, when, happily, the doctor’s arrival interrupted + the dispute. + </p> + <p> + As Ralph grew up from infancy to childhood, he began to give decided + promise of future distinction. He was fond of sitting down in a corner and + sucking his thumb, which his mother interpreted as the sign of that + brooding disposition peculiar to poets and men of lofty genius. At the age + of five, he had become sole master in the house. He slapped his sister + Hilda in the face, or pulled her hair, when she hesitated to obey him, + tyrannized over his nurse, and sternly refused to go to bed in spite of + his mother’s entreaties. On such occasions, the Colonel would hide his + face behind his newspaper, and chuckle with delight; it was evident that + nature had intended his son for a great military commander. + </p> + <p> + As soon as Ralph himself was old enough to have any thoughts about his + future destiny, he made up his mind that he would like to be a pirate. A + few months later, having contracted an immoderate taste for candy, he + contented himself with the comparatively humble position of a baker; but + when he had read “Robinson Crusoe” he manifested a strong desire to go to + sea in the hope of being wrecked on some desolate island. The parents + spent long evenings gravely discussing these indications of uncommon + genius, and each interpreted them in his or her own way. + </p> + <p> + “He is not like any other child I ever knew,” said the mother. + </p> + <p> + “To be sure,” responded the father, earnestly. “He is a most extraordinary + child. I was a very remarkable child too, even if I do say it myself; but, + as far as I remember, I never aspired to being wrecked on an uninhabited + island.” + </p> + <p> + The Colonel probably spoke the truth; but he forgot to take into account + that he had never read “Robinson Crusoe.” + </p> + <p> + Of Ralph’s school-days there is but little to report, for, to tell the + truth, he did not fancy going to school, as the discipline annoyed him. + The day after his having entered the gymnasium, which was to prepare him + for the Military Academy, the principal saw him waiting at the gate after + his class had been dismissed. He approached him, and asked why he did not + go home with the rest. + </p> + <p> + “I am waiting for the servant to carry my books,” was the boy’s answer. + </p> + <p> + “Give me your books,” said the teacher. + </p> + <p> + Ralph reluctantly obeyed. That day the Colonel was not a little surprised + to see his son marching up the street, and every now and then glancing + behind him with a look of discomfort at the principal, who was following + quietly in his train, carrying a parcel of school-books. Colonel Grim and + his wife, divining the teacher’s intention, agreed that it was a great + outrage, but they did not mention the matter to Ralph. Henceforth, + however, the boy refused to be accompanied by his servant. A week later he + was impudent to the teacher of gymnastics, who whipped him in return. The + Colonel’s rage knew no bounds; he rode in great haste to the gymnasium, + reviled the teacher for presuming to chastise <i>his</i> son, and + committed the boy to the care of a private tutor. + </p> + <p> + At the age of sixteen, Ralph went to the capital with the intention of + entering the Military Academy. He was a tall, handsome youth, slender of + stature, and carried himself as erect as a candle. He had a light, clear + complexion of almost feminine delicacy; blond, curly hair, which he always + kept carefully brushed; a low forehead, and a straight, finely modeled + nose. There was an expression of extreme sensitiveness about the nostrils, + and a look of indolence in the dark-blue eyes. But the <i>ensemble</i> of + his features was pleasing, his dress irreproachable, and his manners bore + no trace of the awkward self-consciousness peculiar to his age. + Immediately on his arrival in the capital he hired a suite of rooms in the + aristocratic part of the city, and furnished them rather expensively, but + in excellent taste. From a bosom friend, whom he met by accident in the + restaurant’s pavilion in the park, he learned that a pair of antlers, a + stuffed eagle, or falcon, and a couple of swords, were indispensable to a + well-appointed apartment. He accordingly bought these articles at a + curiosity shop. During the first weeks of his residence in the city he + made some feeble efforts to perfect himself in mathematics, in which he + suspected he was somewhat deficient. But when the same officious friend + laughed at him, and called him “green,” he determined to trust to fortune, + and henceforth devoted himself the more assiduously to the French ballet, + where he had already made some interesting acquaintances. + </p> + <p> + The time for the examination came; the French ballet did not prove a good + preparation; Ralph failed. It quite shook him for the time, and he felt + humiliated. He had not the courage to tell his father; so he lingered on + from day to day, sat vacantly gazing out of his window, and tried vainly + to interest himself in the busy bustle down on the street. It provoked him + that everybody else should be so light-hearted, when he was, or at least + fancied himself, in trouble. The parlor grew intolerable; he sought refuge + in his bedroom. There he sat one evening (it was the third day after the + examination), and stared out upon the gray stone walls which on all sides + inclosed the narrow courtyard. The round stupid face of the moon stood + tranquilly dozing like a great Limburger cheese suspended under the sky. + </p> + <p> + Ralph, at least, could think of a no more fitting simile. But the + bright-eyed young girl in the window hard by sent a longing look up to the + same moon, and thought of her distant home on the fjords, where the + glaciers stood like hoary giants, and caught the yellow moonbeams on their + glittering shields of snow. She had been reading “Ivanhoe” all the + afternoon, until the twilight had overtaken her quite unaware, and now she + suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to write her German exercise. + She lifted her face and saw a pair of sad, vacant eyes gazing at her from + the next window in the angle of the court She was a little startled at + first, but in the next moment she thought of her German exercise and took + heart. + </p> + <p> + “Do you know German?” she said; then immediately repented that she had + said it. + </p> + <p> + “I do,” was the answer. + </p> + <p> + She took up her apron and began to twist it with an air of embarrassment. + </p> + <p> + “I didn’t mean anything,” she whispered, at last. “I only wanted to know.” + </p> + <p> + “You are very kind.” + </p> + <p> + That answer roused her; he was evidently making sport of her. + </p> + <p> + “Well, then, if you do, you may write my exercise for me. I have marked + the place in the book.” + </p> + <p> + And she flung her book over to the window, and he caught it on the edge of + the sill, just as it was falling. + </p> + <p> + “You are a very strange girl,” he remarked, turning over the leaves of the + book, although it was too dark to read. “How old are you?” + </p> + <p> + “I shall be fourteen six weeks before Christmas,” answered she, frankly. + </p> + <p> + “Then I excuse you.” + </p> + <p> + “No, indeed,” cried she, vehemently. “You needn’t excuse me at all. If you + don’t want to write my exercise, you may send the book back again. I am + very sorry I spoke to you, and I shall never do it again.” + </p> + <p> + “But you will not get the book back again without the exercise,” replied + he, quietly. “Good-night.” + </p> + <p> + The girl stood long looking after him, hoping that he would return. Then, + with a great burst of repentance, she hid her face in her lap, and began + to cry. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear, I didn’t mean to be rude,” she sobbed. “But it was Ivanhoe and + Rebecca who upset me.” + </p> + <p> + The next morning she was up before daylight, and waited for two long hours + in great suspense before the curtain of his window was raised. He greeted + her politely; threw a hasty glance around the court to see if he was + observed, and then tossed her book dexterously over into her hands. + </p> + <p> + “I have pinned the written exercise to the flyleaf,” he said. “You will + probably have time to copy it before breakfast.” + </p> + <p> + “I am ever so much obliged to you,” she managed to stammer. + </p> + <p> + He looked so tall and handsome, and grown-up, and her remorse stuck in her + throat, and threatened to choke her. She had taken him for a boy as he sat + there in his window the evening before. + </p> + <p> + “By the way, what is your name?” he asked, carelessly, as he turned to go. + </p> + <p> + “Bertha.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, my dear Bertha, I am happy to have made your acquaintance.” + </p> + <p> + And he again made her a polite bow, and entered his parlor. + </p> + <p> + “How provokingly familiar he is,” thought she; “but no one can deny that + he is handsome.” + </p> + <p> + The bright roguish face of the young girl haunted Ralph during the whole + next week. He had been in love at least ten times before, of course; but, + like most boys, with young ladies far older than himself. He found himself + frequently glancing over to her window in the hope of catching another + glimpse of her face; but the curtain was always drawn down, and Bertha + remained invisible. During the second week, however, she relented, and + they had many a pleasant chat together. He now volunteered to write all + her exercises, and she made no objections. He learned that she was the + daughter of a well-to-do peasant in the sea-districts of Norway (and it + gave him quite a shock to hear it), and that she was going to school in + the city, and boarded with an old lady who kept a <i>pension</i> in the + house adjoining the one in which he lived. + </p> + <p> + One day in the autumn Ralph was surprised by the sudden arrival of his + father, and the fact of his failure in the examination could no longer be + kept a secret. The old Colonel flared up at once when Ralph made his + confession; the large veins upon his forehead swelled; he grew coppery-red + in his face, and stormed up and down the floor, until his son became + seriously alarmed; but, to his great relief, he was soon made aware that + his father’s wrath was not turned against him personally, but against the + officials of the Military Academy who had rejected him. The Colonel took + it as insult to his own good name and irreproachable standing as an + officer; he promptly refused any other explanation, and vainly racked his + brain to remember if any youthful folly of his could possibly have made + him enemies among the teachers of the Academy. He at last felt satisfied + that it was envy of his own greatness and rapid advancement which had + induced the rascals to take vengeance on his son. Ralph reluctantly + followed his father back to the country town where the latter was + stationed, and the fair-haired Bertha vanished from his horizon. His + mother’s wish now prevailed, and he began, in his own easy way, to prepare + himself for the University. He had little taste for Cicero, and still less + for Virgil, but with the use of a “pony” he soon gained sufficient + knowledge of these authors to be able to talk in a sort of patronizing way + about them, to the great delight of his fond parents. He took quite a + fancy, however, to the ode in Horace ending with the lines: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Dolce ridentem, + Dulce loqucntem, + Lalagen amabo. +</pre> + <p> + And in his thought he substituted for Lalage the fair-haired Bertha, quite + regardless of the requirements of the metre. + </p> + <p> + To make a long story short, three years later Ralph returned to the + capital, and, after having worn out several tutors, actually succeeded in + entering the University. + </p> + <p> + The first year of college life is a happy time to every young man, and + Ralph enjoyed its processions, its parliamentary gatherings, and its + leisure, as well as the rest. He was certainly not the man to be + sentimental over the loss of a young girl whom, moreover, he had only + known for a few weeks. Nevertheless, he thought of her at odd times, but + not enough to disturb his pleasure. The standing of his family, his own + handsome appearance, and his immaculate linen opened to him the best + houses of the city, and he became a great favorite in society. At lectures + he was seldom seen, but more frequently in the theatres, where he used to + come in during the middle of the first act, take his station in front of + the orchestra box, and eye, through his lorgnette, by turns, the actresses + and the ladies of the parquet. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + II + </h2> + <p> + Two months passed, and then came the great annual ball which the students + give at the opening of the second semester. Ralph was a man of importance + that evening; first, because he belonged to a great family; secondly, + because he was the handsomest man of his year. He wore a large golden star + on his breast (for his fellow-students had made him a Knight of the Golden + Boar) and a badge of colored ribbons in his buttonhole. + </p> + <p> + The ball was a brilliant affair, and everybody was in excellent spirits, + especially the ladies. Ralph danced incessantly, twirled his soft + mustache, and uttered amiable platitudes. It was toward midnight, just as + the company was moving out to supper, that he caught the glance of a pair + of dark-blue eyes, which suddenly drove the blood to his cheeks and + hastened the beating of his heart. But when he looked once more the + dark-blue eyes were gone, and his unruly heart went on hammering against + his side. He laid his hand on his breast and glanced furtively at his fair + neighbor, but she looked happy and unconcerned, for the flavor of the ice + cream was delicious. It seemed an endless meal, but, when it was done, + Ralph rose, led his partner back to the ballroom, and hastily excused + himself. His glance wandered round the wide hall, seeking the + well-remembered eyes once more, and, at length, finding them in a remote + corner, half hid behind a moving wall of promenaders. In another moment he + was at Bertha’s side. + </p> + <p> + “You must have been purposely hiding yourself, Miss Bertha,” said he, when + the usual greetings were exchanged. “I have not caught a glimpse of you + all this evening, until a few moments ago.” + </p> + <p> + “But I have seen you all the while,” answered the girl, frankly. “I knew + you at once as I entered the hall.” + </p> + <p> + “If I had but known that you were here,” resumed Ralph, as it were + invisibly expanding with an agreeable sense of dignity, “I assure you you + would have been the very first one I should have sought.” + </p> + <p> + She raised her large grave eyes to his, as if questioning his sincerity; + but she made no answer. + </p> + <p> + “Good gracious!” thought Ralph. “She takes things terribly in earnest.” + </p> + <p> + “You look so serious, Miss Bertha,” said he, after a moment’s pause. “I + remember you as a bright-eyed, flaxen-haired little girl, who threw her + German exercise-book to me across the yard, and whose merry laughter still + rings pleasantly in my memory, I confess I don’t find it quite easy to + identify this grave young lady with my merry friend of three years ago.” + </p> + <p> + “In other words, you are disappointed at not finding me the same as I used + to be.” + </p> + <p> + “No, not exactly that; but—” + </p> + <p> + Ralph paused and looked puzzled. There was something in the earnestness of + her manner which made a facetious compliment seem grossly inappropriate, + and in the moment no other escape suggested itself. + </p> + <p> + “But what?” demanded Bertha, mercilessly. + </p> + <p> + “Have you ever lost an old friend?” asked he, abruptly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes; how so?” + </p> + <p> + “Then,” answered he, while his features lighted up with a happy + inspiration—“then you will appreciate my situation. I fondly + cherished my old picture of you in my memory. Now I have lost it, and I + can not help regretting the loss. I do not mean, however, to imply that + this new acquaintance—this second edition of yourself, so to speak—will + prove less interesting.” + </p> + <p> + She again sent him a grave, questioning look, and began to gaze intently + upon the stone in her bracelet. + </p> + <p> + “I suppose you will laugh at me,” began she, while a sudden blush flitted + over her countenance. “But this is my first ball, and I feel as if I had + rushed into a whirlpool, from which I have, since the first rash plunge + was made, been vainly trying to escape. I feel so dreadfully forlorn. I + hardly know anybody here except my cousin, who invited me, and I hardly + think I know him either.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, since you are irredeemably committed,” replied Ralph, as the music, + after some prefatory flourishes, broke into the delicious rhythm of a + Strauss waltz, “then it is no use struggling against fate. Come, let us + make the plunge together. Misery loves company.” + </p> + <p> + He offered her his arm, and she rose, somewhat hesitatingly, and followed. + </p> + <p> + “I am afraid,” she whispered, as they fell into line with the procession + that was moving down the long hall, “that you have asked me to dance + merely because I said I felt forlorn. If that is the case, I should prefer + to be led back to my seat.” + </p> + <p> + “What a base imputation!” cried Ralph. + </p> + <p> + There was something so charmingly <i>naive</i> in this self-depreciation—something + so altogether novel in his experience, and, he could not help adding, just + a little bit countrified. His spirits rose; he began to relish keenly his + position as an experienced man of the world, and, in the agreeable glow of + patronage and conscious superiority, chatted with hearty <i>abandon</i> + with his little rustic beauty. + </p> + <p> + “If your dancing is as perfect as your German exercises were,” said she, + laughing, as they swung out upon the floor, “then I promise myself a good + deal of pleasure from our meeting.” + </p> + <p> + “Never fear,” answered he, quickly reversing his step, and whirling with + many a capricious turn away among the thronging couples. + </p> + <p> + When Ralph drove home in his carriage toward morning he briefly summed up + his impressions of Bertha in the following adjectives: intelligent, + delightfully unsophisticated, a little bit verdant, but devilish pretty. + </p> + <p> + Some weeks later Colonel Grim received an appointment at the fortress of + Aggershuus, and immediately took up his residence in the capital. He saw + that his son cut a fine figure in the highest circles of society, and + expressed his gratification in the most emphatic terms. If he had known, + however, that Ralph was in the habit of visiting, with alarming + regularity, at the house of a plebeian merchant in a somewhat obscure + street, he would, no doubt, have been more chary of his praise. But the + Colonel suspected nothing, and it was well for the peace of the family + that he did not. It may have been cowardice in Ralph that he never + mentioned Bertha’s name to his family or to his aristocratic + acquaintances; for, to be candid, he himself felt ashamed of the power she + exerted over him, and by turns pitied and ridiculed himself for pursuing + so inglorious a conquest. Nevertheless it wounded his egotism that she + never showed any surprise at seeing him, that she received him with with a + certain frank unceremoniousness, which, however, was very becoming to her; + that she invariably went on with her work heedless of his presence, and in + everything treated him as if she had been his equal. She persisted in + talking with him in a half sisterly fashion about his studies and his + future career, warned him with great solicitude against some of his + reprobate friends, of whose merry adventures he had told her; and if he + ventured to compliment her on her beauty or her accomplishments, she would + look up gravely from her sewing, or answer him in a way which seemed to + banish the idea of love-making into the land of the impossible. He was + constantly tormented by the suspicion that she secretly disapproved of + him, and that from a mere moral interest in his welfare she was + conscientiously laboring to make him a better man. Day after day he parted + from her feeling humiliated, faint-hearted, and secretly indignant both at + himself and her, and day after day he returned only to renew the same + experience. At last it became too intolerable, he could endure it no + longer. Let it make or break, certainty, at all risks, was at least + preferable to this sickening suspense. That he loved her, he could no + longer doubt; let his parents foam and fret as much as they pleased; for + once he was going to stand on his own legs. And in the end, he thought, + they would have to yield, for they had no son but him. + </p> + <p> + Bertha was going to return to her home on the sea-coast in a week. Ralph + stood in the little low-ceiled parlor, as she imagined, to bid her + good-by. They had been speaking of her father, her brothers, and the farm, + and she had expressed the wish that if he ever should come to that part of + the country he might pay them a visit. Her words had kindled a vague hope + in his breast, but in their very frankness and friendly regard there was + something which slew the hope they had begotten. He held her hand in his, + and her large confiding eyes shone with an emotion which was beautiful, + but was yet not love. + </p> + <p> + “If you were but a peasant born like myself,” said she, in a voice which + sounded almost tender, “then I should like to talk to you as I would to my + own brother; but—” + </p> + <p> + “No, not brother, Bertha,” cried he, with sudden vehemence; “I love you + better than I ever loved any earthly being, and if you knew how firmly + this love has clutched at the roots of my heart, you would perhaps—you + would at least not look so reproachfully at me.” + </p> + <p> + She dropped his hand, and stood for a moment silent. + </p> + <p> + “I am sorry that it should have come to this, Mr. Grim,” said she, visibly + struggling for calmness. “And I am perhaps more to blame than you.” + </p> + <p> + “Blame,” muttered he, “why are you to blame?” + </p> + <p> + “Because I do not love you; although I sometimes feared that this might + come. But then again I persuaded myself that it could not be so.” + </p> + <p> + He took a step toward the door, laid his hand on the knob, and gazed down + before him. + </p> + <p> + “Bertha,” began he, slowly, raising his head, “you have always disapproved + of me, you have despised me in your heart, but you thought you would be + doing a good work if you succeeded in making a man of me.” + </p> + <p> + “You use strong language,” answered she, hesitatingly; “but there is truth + in what you say.” + </p> + <p> + Again there was a long pause, in which the ticking of the old parlor clock + grew louder and louder. + </p> + <p> + “Then,” he broke out at last, “tell me before we part if I can do nothing + to gain—I will not say your love—but only your regard? What + would you do if you were in my place?” + </p> + <p> + “My advice you will hardly heed, and I do not even know that it would be + well if you did. But if I were a man in your position, I should break with + my whole past, start out into the world where nobody knew me, and where I + should be dependent only upon my own strength, and there I would conquer a + place for myself, if it were only for the satisfaction of knowing that I + was really a man. Here cushions are sewed under your arms, a hundred + invisible threads bind you to a life of idleness and vanity, everybody is + ready to carry you on his hands, the road is smoothed for you, every stone + carefully moved out of your path, and you will probably go to your grave + without having ever harbored one earnest thought, without having done one + manly deed.” + </p> + <p> + Ralph stood transfixed, gazing at her with open mouth; he felt a kind of + stupid fright, as if some one had suddenly seized him by the shoulders and + shaken him violently. He tried vainly to remove his eyes from Bertha. She + held him as by a powerful spell. He saw that her face was lighted with an + altogether new beauty; he noticed the deep glow upon her cheek, the + brilliancy of her eye, the slight quiver of her lip. But he saw all this + as one sees things in a half-trance, without attempting to account for + them; the door between his soul and his senses was closed. + </p> + <p> + “I know that I have been bold in speaking to you in this way,” she said at + last, seating herself in a chair at the window. “But it was yourself who + asked me. And I have felt all the time that I should have to tell you this + before we parted.” + </p> + <p> + “And,” answered he, making a strong effort to appear calm, “if I follow + your advice, will you allow me to see you once more before you go?” + </p> + <p> + “I shall remain here another week, and shall, during that time, always be + ready to receive you.” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you. Good-by.” + </p> + <p> + “Good-by.” + </p> + <p> + Ralph carefully avoided all the fashionable thoroughfares; he felt + degraded before himself, and he had an idea that every man could read his + humiliation in his countenance. Now he walked on quickly, striking the + sidewalk with his heels; now, again, he fell into an uneasy, reckless + saunter, according as the changing moods in’ spired defiance of his + sentence, or a qualified surrender. And, as he walked on, the bitterness + grew within him, and he piteously reviled himself for having allowed + himself to be made a fool of by “that little country goose,” when he was + well aware that there were hundreds of women of the best families of the + land who would feel honored at receiving his attentions. But this sort of + reasoning he knew to be both weak and contemptible, and his better self + soon rose in loud rebellion. + </p> + <p> + “After all,” he muttered, “in the main thing she was right. I am a + miserable good-for-nothing, a hothouse plant, a poor stick, and if I were + a woman myself, I don’t think I should waste my affections on a man of + that calibre.” + </p> + <p> + Then he unconsciously fell to analyzing Bertha’s character, wondering + vaguely that a person who moved so timidly in social life, appearing so + diffident, from an ever-present fear of blundering against the established + forms of etiquette, could judge so quickly, and with such a merciless + certainty, whenever a moral question, a question of right and wrong, was + at issue. And, pursuing the same train of thought, he contrasted her with + himself, who moved in the highest spheres of society as in his native + element, heedless of moral scruples, and conscious of no loftier motive + for his actions than the immediate pleasure of the moment. + </p> + <p> + As Ralph turned the corner of a street, he heard himself hailed from the + other sidewalk by a chorus of merry voices. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my dear Baroness,” cried a young man, springing across the street and + grasping Ralph’s hand (all his student friends called him the Baroness), + “in the name of this illustrious company, allow me to salute you. But why + the deuce—what is the matter with you? If you have the <i>Katzenjammer</i>* + soda-water is the thing. Come along—it’s my treat!” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * <i>Katzenjammer</i> is the sensation a man has the morning + after a carousal. +</pre> + <p> + The students instantly thronged around Ralph, who stood distractedly + swinging his cane and smiling idiotically. + </p> + <p> + “I am not quite well,” said he; “leave me alone.” + </p> + <p> + “No, to be sure, you don’t look well,” cried a jolly youth, against whom + Bertha had frequently warned him; “but a glass of sherry will soon restore + you. It would be highly immoral to leave you in this condition without + taking care of you.” + </p> + <p> + Ralph again vainly tried to remonstrate; but the end was, that he + reluctantly followed. + </p> + <p> + He had always been a conspicuous figure in the student world; but that + night he astonished his friends by his eloquence, his reckless humor, and + his capacity for drinking. He made a speech for “Woman,” which bristled + with wit, cynicism, and sarcastic epigrams. One young man, named Vinter, + who was engaged, undertook to protest against his sweeping condemnation, + and declared that Ralph, who was a universal favorite among the ladies, + ought to be the last to revile them. + </p> + <p> + “If,” he went on, “the Baroness should propose to six well-known ladies + here in this city whom I could mention, I would wager six Johannisbergers, + and an equal amount of champagne, that every one of them would accept + him.” + </p> + <p> + The others loudly applauded this proposal, and Ralph accepted the wager. + The letters were written on the spot, and immediately despatched. Toward + morning, the merry carousal broke up, and Ralph was conducted in triumph + to his home. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + III + </h2> + <p> + Two days later, Ralph again knocked on Bertha’s door. He looked paler than + usual, almost haggard; his immaculate linen was a little crumpled, and he + carried no cane; his lips were tightly compressed, and his face wore an + air of desperate resolution. + </p> + <p> + “It is done,” he said, as he seated himself opposite her. “I am going.” + </p> + <p> + “Going!” cried she, startled at his unusual appearance. “How, where?” + </p> + <p> + “To America. I sail to-night. I have followed your advice, you see. I have + cut off the last bridge behind me.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Ralph,” she exclaimed, in a voice of alarm. “Something dreadful must + have happened. Tell me quick; I must know it.” + </p> + <p> + “No; nothing dreadful,” muttered he, smiling bitterly. “I have made a + little scandal, that is all. My father told me to-day to go to the devil, + if I chose, and my mother gave me five hundred dollars to help me along on + the way. If you wish to know, here is the explanation.” + </p> + <p> + And he pulled from his pocket six perfumed and carefully folded notes, and + threw them into her lap. + </p> + <p> + “Do you wish me to read them?” she asked, with growing surprise. + </p> + <p> + “Certainly. Why not?” + </p> + <p> + She hastily opened one note after the other, and read. + </p> + <p> + “But, Ralph,” she cried, springing up from her seat, while her eyes flamed + with indignation, “what does this mean? What have you done?” + </p> + <p> + “I didn’t think it needed any explanation,” replied he, with feigned + indifference. “I proposed to them all, and, you see, they all accepted me. + I received all these letters to-day. I only wished to know whether the + whole world regarded me as such a worthless scamp as you told me I was.” + </p> + <p> + She did not answer, but sat mutely staring at him, fiercely crumpling a + rose-colored note in her hand. He began to feel uncomfortable under her + gaze, and threw himself about uneasily in his chair. + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said he, at length, rising, “I suppose there is nothing more. + Good-by.” + </p> + <p> + “One moment, Mr. Grim,” demanded she, sternly. “Since I have already said + so much, and you have obligingly revealed to me a new side of your + character, I claim the right to correct the opinion I expressed of you at + our last meeting.” + </p> + <p> + “I am all attention.” + </p> + <p> + “I did think, Mr. Grim,” began she, breathing hard, and steadying herself + against the table at which she stood, “that you were a very selfish man—an + embodiment of selfishness, absolute and supreme, but I did not believe + that you were wicked.” + </p> + <p> + “And what convinced you that I was selfish, if I may ask?” + </p> + <p> + “What convinced me?” repeated she, in a tone of inexpressible contempt. + “When did you ever act from any generous regard for others? What good did + you ever do to anybody?” + </p> + <p> + “You might ask, with equal justice, what good I ever did to myself.” + </p> + <p> + “In a certain sense, yes; because to gratify a mere momentary wish is + hardly doing one’s self good.” + </p> + <p> + “Then I have, at all events, followed the Biblical precept, and treated my + neighbor very much as I treat myself.” + </p> + <p> + “I did think,” continued Bertha, without heeding the remark, “that you + were at bottom kind-hearted, but too hopelessly well-bred ever to commit + an act of any decided complexion, either good or bad. Now I see that I + have misjudged you, and that you are capable of outraging the most sacred + feelings of a woman’s heart in mere wantonness, or for the sake of + satisfying a base curiosity, which never could have entered the mind of an + upright and generous man.” + </p> + <p> + The hard, benumbed look in Ralph’s face thawed in the warmth of her + presence, and her words, though stern, touched a secret spring in his + heart. He made two or three vain attempts to speak, then suddenly broke + down, and cried: + </p> + <p> + “Bertha, Bertha, even if you scorn me, have patience with me, and listen.” + </p> + <p> + And he told her, in rapid, broken sentences, how his love for her had + grown from day to day, until he could no longer master it; and how, in an + unguarded moment, when his pride rose in fierce conflict against his love, + he had done this reckless deed of which he was now heartily ashamed. The + fervor of his words touched her, for she felt that they were sincere. + Large mute tears trembled in her eyelashes as she sat gazing tenderly at + him, and in the depth of her soul the wish awoke that she might have been + able to return this great and strong love of his; for she felt that in + this love lay the germ of a new, of a stronger and better man. She + noticed, with a half-regretful pleasure, his handsome figure, his + delicately shaped hands, and the noble cast of his features; an + overwhelming pity for him rose within her, and she began to reproach + herself for having spoken so harshly, and, as she now thought, so + unjustly. Perhaps he read in her eyes the unspoken wish. He seized her + hand, and his words fell with a warm and alluring cadence upon her ear. + </p> + <p> + “I shall not see you for a long time to come, Bertha,” said he, “but if at + the end of five or six years your hand is still free, and I return another + man—a man to whom you could safely intrust your happiness—would + you then listen to what I may have to say to you? For I promise, by all + that we both hold sacred—” + </p> + <p> + “No, no,” interrupted she, hastily. “Promise nothing. It would be unjust + to yourself, and perhaps also to me; for a sacred promise is a terrible + thing, Ralph. Let us both remain free; and, if you return and still love + me, then come, and I shall receive you and listen to you. And even if you + have outgrown your love, which is, indeed, more probable, come still to + visit me wherever I may be, and we shall meet as friends and rejoice in + the meeting.” + </p> + <p> + “You know best,” he murmured. “Let it be as you have said.” + </p> + <p> + He arose, took her face between his hands, gazed long and tenderly into + her eyes, pressed a kiss upon her forehead, and hastened away. + </p> + <p> + That night Ralph boarded the steamer for Hull, and three weeks later + landed in New York. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IV + </h2> + <p> + The first three months of Ralph’s sojourn in America were spent in vain + attempts to obtain a situation. Day after day he walked down Broadway, + calling at various places of business, and night after night he returned + to his cheerless room with a faint heart and declining spirits. It was, + after all, a more serious thing than he had imagined, to cut the cable + which binds one to the land of one’s birth. There a hundred subtile + influences, the existence of which no one suspects until the moment they + are withdrawn, unite to keep one in the straight path of rectitude, or at + least of external respectability; and Ralph’s life had been all in + society; the opinion of his fellow-men had been the one force to which he + implicitly deferred, and the conscience by which he had been wont to test + his actions had been nothing but the aggregate judgment of his friends. To + such a man the isolation and the utter irresponsibility of a life among + strangers was tenfold more dangerous; and Ralph found, to his horror, that + his character contained innumerable latent possibilities which the + easy-going life in his home probably never would have revealed to him. It + often cut him to the quick, when, on entering an office in his daily + search for employment, he was met by hostile or suspicious glances, or + when, as it occasionally happened, the door was slammed in his face, as if + he were a vagabond or an impostor. Then the wolf was often roused within + him, and he felt a momentary wild desire to become what the people here + evidently believed him to be. Many a night he sauntered irresolutely about + the gambling places in obscure streets, and the glare of light, the rude + shouts and clamors in the same moment repelled and attracted him. If he + went to the devil, who would care? His father had himself pointed out the + way to him; and nobody could blame him if he followed the advice. But then + again a memory emerged from that chamber of his soul which still he held + sacred; and Bertha’s deep-blue eyes gazed upon him with their earnest look + of tender warning and regret. + </p> + <p> + When the summer was half gone, Ralph had gained many a hard victory over + himself, and learned many a useful lesson; and at length he swallowed his + pride, divested himself of his fine clothes, and accepted a position as + assistant gardener at a villa on the Hudson. And as he stood perspiring + with a spade in his hand, and a cheap broad-brimmed straw hat on his head, + he often took a grim pleasure in picturing to himself how his aristocratic + friends at home would receive him if he should introduce himself to them + in this new costume. + </p> + <p> + “After all, it was only my position they cared for,” he reflected, + bitterly; “without my father’s name what would I be to them?” + </p> + <p> + Then, again, there was a certain satisfaction in knowing that, for his + present situation, humble as it was, he was indebted to nobody but + himself; and the thought that Bertha’s eyes, if they could have seen him + now, would have dwelt upon him with pleasure and approbation, went far to + console him for his aching back, his sunburned face, and his swollen and + blistered hands. + </p> + <p> + One day, as Ralph was raking the gravel-walks in the garden, his + employer’s daughter, a young lady of seventeen, came out and spoke to him. + His culture and refinement of manner struck her with wonder, and she asked + him to tell her his history; but then he suddenly grew very grave, and she + forbore pressing him. From that time she attached a kind of romantic + interest to him, and finally induced her father to obtain him a situation + that would be more to his taste. And, before winter came, Ralph saw the + dawn of a new future glimmering before him. He had wrestled bravely with + fate, and had once more gained a victory. He began the career in which + success and distinction awaited him as proofreader on a newspaper in the + city. He had fortunately been familiar with the English language before he + left home, and by the strength of his will he conquered all difficulties. + At the end of two years he became attached to the editorial staff; new + ambitious hopes, hitherto foreign to his mind, awoke within him; and with + joyous tumult of heart he saw life opening its wide vistas before him, and + he labored on manfully to repair the losses of the past, and to prepare + himself for greater usefulness in times to come. He felt in himself a + stronger and fuller manhood, as if the great arteries of the vast + universal world-life pulsed in his own being. The drowsy, indolent + existence at home appeared like a dull remote dream from which he had + awaked, and he blessed the destiny which, by its very sternness, had + mercifully saved him; he blessed her, too, who, from the very want of love + for him, had, perhaps, made him worthier of love. + </p> + <p> + The years flew rapidly. Society had flung its doors open to him, and what + was more, he had found some warm friends, in whose houses he could come + and go at pleasure. He enjoyed keenly the privilege of daily association + with high-minded and refined women; their eager activity of intellect + stimulated him, their exquisite ethereal grace and their delicately + chiseled beauty satisfied his æsthetic cravings, and the responsive + vivacity of their nature prepared him ever new surprises. He felt a + strange fascination in the presence of these women, and the conviction + grew upon him that their type of womanhood was superior to any he had + hitherto known. And by way of refuting his own argument, he would draw + from his pocketbook the photograph of Bertha, which had a secret + compartment there all to itself, and, gazing tenderly at it, would eagerly + defend her against the disparaging reflections which the involuntary + comparison had provoked. And still, how could he help seeing that her + features, though well molded, lacked animation; that her eye, with its + deep, trustful glance, was not brilliant, and that the calm earnestness of + her face, when compared with the bright, intellectual beauty of his + present friends, appeared pale and simple, like a violet in a bouquet of + vividly colored roses? It gave him a quick pang, when, at times, he was + forced to admit this; nevertheless, it was the truth. + </p> + <p> + After six years of residence in America, Ralph had gained a very high + reputation as a journalist of rare culture and ability, and in 1867 he was + sent to the World’s Exhibition in Paris, as correspondent of the paper on + which he had during all these years been employed. What wonder, then, that + he started for Europe a few weeks before his presence was needed in the + imperial city, and that he steered his course directly toward the fjord + valley where Bertha had her home? It was she who had bidden him Godspeed + when he fled from the land of his birth, and she, too, should receive his + first greeting on his return. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + V + </h2> + <p> + The sun had fortified itself behind a citadel of flaming clouds, and the + upper forest region shone with a strange ethereal glow, while the lower + plains were wrapped in shadow; but the shadow itself had a strong + suffusion of color. The mountain peaks rose cold and blue in the distance. + </p> + <p> + Ralph, having inquired his way of the boatman who had landed him at the + pier, walked rapidly along the beach, with a small valise in his hand, and + a light summer overcoat flung over his shoulder. Many half-thoughts grazed + his mind, and ere the first had taken shape, the second and the third came + and chased it away. And still they all in some fashion had reference to + Bertha; for in a misty, abstract way, she filled his whole mind; but for + some indefinable reason, he was afraid to give free rein to the sentiment + which lurked in the remoter corners of his soul. + </p> + <p> + Onward he hastened, while his heart throbbed with the quickening tempo of + mingled expectation and fear. Now and then one of those chill gusts of + air, which seem to be careering about aimlessly in the atmosphere during + early summer, would strike into his face, and recal! him to a keener + self-consciousness. + </p> + <p> + Ralph concluded, from his increasing agitation, that he must be very near + Bertha’s home. He stopped and looked around him. He saw a large maple at + the roadside, some thirty steps from where he was standing, and the girl + who was sitting under it, resting her head in her hand and gazing out over + the sea, he recognized in an instant to be Bertha. He sprang up on the + road, not crossing, however, her line of vision, and approached her + noiselessly from behind. + </p> + <p> + “Bertha,” he whispered. + </p> + <p> + She gave a little joyous cry, sprang up, and made a gesture as if to throw + herself in his arms; then suddenly checked herself, blushed crimson, and + moved a step backward. + </p> + <p> + “You came so suddenly,” she murmured. + </p> + <p> + “But, Bertha,” cried he (and the full bass of his voice rang through her + very soul), “have I gone into exile and waited these many years for so + cold a welcome?” + </p> + <p> + “You have changed so much, Ralph,” she answered, with that old grave smile + which he knew so well, and stretched out both her hands toward him. “And I + have thought of you so much since you went away, and blamed myself because + I had judged you so harshly, and wondered that you could listen to me so + patiently, and never bear me any malice for what I said.” + </p> + <p> + “If you had said a word less,” declared Ralph, seating himself at her side + on the greensward, “or if you had varnished it over with politeness, then + you would probably have failed to produce any effect and I should not have + been burdened with that heavy debt of gratitude which I now owe you. I was + a pretty thick-skinned animal in those days, Bertha. You said the right + word at the right moment; you gave me a bold and a good piece of advice, + which my own ingenuity would never have suggested to me. I will not thank + you, because, in so grave a case as this, spoken thanks sound like a mere + mockery. Whatever I am, Bertha, and whatever I may hope to be, I owe it + all to that hour.” + </p> + <p> + She listened with rapture to the manly assurance of his voice; her eyes + dwelt with unspeakable joy upon his strong, bronzed features, his full + thick blond beard, and the vigorous proportions of his frame. Many and + many a time during his absence had she wondered how he would look if he + ever came back, and with that minute conscientiousness which, as it were, + pervaded her whole character, she had held herself responsible before God + for his fate, prayed for him, and trembled lest evil powers should gain + the ascendency over his soul. + </p> + <p> + On their way to the house they talked together of many things, but in a + guarded, cautious fashion, and without the cheerful abandonment of former + years. They both, as it were, groped their way carefully in each other’s + minds, and each vaguely felt that there was something in the other’s + thought which it was not well to touch unbidden. Bertha saw that all her + fears for him had been groundless, and his very appearance lifted the + whole weight of responsibility from her breast; and still, did she rejoice + at her deliverance from her burden? Ah, no; in this moment she knew that + that which she had foolishly cherished as the best and noblest part of + herself had been but a selfish need of her own heart. She feared that she + had only taken that interest in him which one feels in a thing of one’s + own making, and now, when she saw that he had risen quite above her; that + he was free and strong, and could have no more need of her, she had, + instead of generous pleasure at his success, but a painful sense of + emptiness, as if something very dear had been taken from her. + </p> + <p> + Ralph, too, was loth to analyze the impression his old love made upon him. + His feelings were of so complex a nature, he was anxious to keep his more + magnanimous impulses active, and he strove hard to convince himself that + she was still the same to him as she had been before they had ever parted. + But, alas! though the heart be warm and generous, the eye is a merciless + critic. And the man who had moved on the wide arena of the world, whose + mind had housed the large thoughts of this century, and expanded with its + invigorating breath—was he to blame because he had unconsciously + outgrown his old provincial self, and could no more judge by its + standards? + </p> + <p> + Bertha’s father was a peasant, but he had, by his lumber trade, acquired + what in Norway was called a very handsome fortune. He received his guest + with dignified reserve, and Ralph thought he detected in his eyes a + lurking look of distrust. “I know your errand,” that look seemed to say, + “but you had better give it up at once. It will be of no use for you to + try.” + </p> + <p> + And after supper, as Ralph and Bertha sat talking confidingly with each + other at the window, he sent his daughter a quick, sharp glance, and then, + without ceremony, commanded her to go to bed. Ralph’s heart gave a great + thump within him; not because he feared the old man, but because his + words, as well as his glances, revealed to him the sad history of these + long, patient years. He doubted no longer that the love which he had once + so ardently desired was his at last; and he made a silent vow that, come + what might, he would remain faithful. + </p> + <p> + As he came down to breakfast the next morning, he found Bertha sitting at + the window, engaged in hemming what appeared to be a rough kitchen towel. + She bent eagerly over her work, and only a vivid flush upon her cheek told + him that she had noticed his coming. He took a chair, seated himself + opposite her, and bade her “good-morning.” She raised her head, and showed + him a sweet, troubled countenance, which the early sunlight illumined with + a high spiritual beauty. It reminded him forcibly of those pale, + sweet-faced saints of Fra Angelico, with whom the frail flesh seems ever + on the point of yielding to the ardent aspirations of the spirit. And + still even in this moment he could not prevent his eyes from observing + that one side of her forefinger was rough from sewing, and that the + whiteness of her arm, which the loose sleeves displayed, contrasted + strongly with the browned and sunburned complexion of her hands. + </p> + <p> + After breakfast they again walked together on the beach, and Ralph, having + once formed his resolution, now talked freely of the New World—of + his sphere of activity there; of his friends and of his plans for the + future; and she listened to him with a mild, perplexed look in her eyes, + as if trying vainly to follow the flight of his thoughts. And he wondered, + with secret dismay, whether she was still the same strong, brave-hearted + girl whom he had once accounted almost bold; whether the life in this + narrow valley, amid a hundred petty and depressing cares, had not cramped + her spiritual growth, and narrowed the sphere of her thought. Or was she + still the same, and was it only he who had changed? At last he gave + utterance to his wonder, and she answered him in those grave, earnest + tones which seemed in themselves to be half a refutation of his doubts. + </p> + <p> + “It was easy for me to give you daring advice then, Ralph,” she said. + “Like most school-girls, I thought that life was a great and glorious + thing, and that happiness was a fruit which hung within reach of every + hand. Now I have lived for six years trying single-handed to relieve the + want and suffering of the needy people with whom I come in contact, and + their squalor and wretchedness have sickened me, and, what is still worse, + I feel that all I can do is as a drop in the ocean, and, after all, + amounts to nothing. I know I am no longer the same reckless girl who, with + the very best intention, sent you wandering through the wide world; and I + thank God that it proved to be for your good, although the whole now + appears quite incredible to me. My thoughts have moved so long within the + narrow circle of these mountains that they have lost their youthful + elasticity, and can no more rise above them.” + </p> + <p> + Ralph detected, in the midst of her despondency, a spark of her former + fire, and grew eloquent in his endeavors to persuade her that she was + unjust to herself, and that there was but a wider sphere of life needed to + develop all the latent powers of her rich nature. + </p> + <p> + At the dinner-table, her father again sat eying his guest with that same + cold look of distrust and suspicion. And when the meal was at an end, he + rose abruptly and called his daughter into another room. Presently Ralph + heard his angry voice resounding through the house, interrupted now and + then by a woman’s sobs, and a subdued, passionate pleading. When Bertha + again entered the room, her eyes were very red, and he saw that she had + been weeping. She threw a shawl over her shoulders, beckoned to him with + her hand, and he arose and followed her. She led the way silently until + they reached a thick copse of birch and alder near the strand. She dropped + down upon a bench between two trees, and he took his seat at her side. + </p> + <p> + “Ralph,” began she, with a visible effort, “I hardly know what to say to + you; but there is something which I must tell you—my father wishes + you to leave us at once.” + </p> + <p> + “And <i>you</i>, Bertha?” + </p> + <p> + “Well—yes—I wish it too.” + </p> + <p> + She saw the painful shock which her words gave him, and she strove hard to + speak. Her lips trembled, her eyes became suffused with tears, which grew + and grew, but never fell; she could not utter a word. + </p> + <p> + “Well, Bertha,” answered he, with a little quiver in his voice, “if you, + too, wish me to go, I shall not tarry. Good-by.” + </p> + <p> + He rose quickly, and, with averted face, held out his hand to her; but as + she made no motion to grasp the hand, he began distractedly to button his + coat, and moved slowly away. + </p> + <p> + “Ralph.” + </p> + <p> + He turned sharply, and, before he knew it, she lay sobbing upon his + breast. + </p> + <p> + “Ralph,” she murmured, while the tears almost choked her words, “I could + not have you leave me thus. It is hard enough—it is hard enough—” + </p> + <p> + “What is hard, beloved?” + </p> + <p> + She raised her head abruptly, and turned upon him a gaze full of hope and + doubt, and sweet perplexity. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, no, you do not love me,” she whispered, sadly. + </p> + <p> + “Why should I come to seek you, after these many years, dearest, if I did + not wish to make you my wife before God and men? Why should I—I.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, yes, I know,” she interrupted him with a fresh fit of weeping, “you + are too good and honest to wish to throw me away, now when you have seen + how my soul has hungered for the sight of you these many years, how even + now I cling to you with a despairing clutch. But you can not disguise + yourself, Ralph, and I saw from the first moment that you loved me no + more.” + </p> + <p> + “Do not be such an unreasonable child,” he remonstrated, feebly. “I do not + love you with the wild, irrational passion of former years; but I have the + tenderest regard for you, and my heart warms at the sight of your sweet + face, and I shall do all in my power to make you as happy as any man can + make you who—” + </p> + <p> + “Who does not love me,” she finished. + </p> + <p> + A sudden shudder seemed to shake her whole frame, and she drew herself + more tightly up to him. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, no,” she continued, after a while, sinking back upon her seat. “It is + a hopeless thing to compel a reluctant heart. I will accept no sacrifice + from you. You owe me nothing, for you have acted toward me honestly and + uprightly, and I shall be a stronger or—at least—a better + woman for what you gave me—and—for what you could not give me, + even though you would.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Bertha,” exclaimed he, looking mournfully at her, “it is not true + when you say that I owe you nothing. Six years ago, when first I wooed + you, you could not return my love, and you sent me out into the world, and + even refused to accept any pledge or promise for the future.” + </p> + <p> + “And you returned,” she responded, “a man, such as my hope had pictured + you; but, while I had almost been standing still, you had outgrown me and + outgrown your old self, and, with your old self, outgrown its love for me, + for your love was not of your new self, but of the old. Alas! it is a sad + tale, but it is true.” + </p> + <p> + She spoke gravely now, and with a steadier voice, but her eyes hung upon + his face with an eager look of expectation, as if yearning to detect there + some gleam of hope, some contradiction of the dismal truth. He read that + look aright and it pierced him like a sharp sword. He made a brave effort + to respond to its appeal, but his features seemed hard as stone, and he + could only cry out against his destiny, and bewail his misfortune and + hers. + </p> + <p> + Toward evening, Ralph was sitting in an open boat, listening to the + measured oar-strokes of the boatmen who were rowing him out to the nearest + stopping-place of the steamer. The mountains lifted their great placid + heads up among the sun-bathed clouds, and the fjord opened its cool depths + as if to make room for their vast reflections. Ralph felt as if he were + floating in the midst of the blue infinite space, and, with the strength + which this feeling inspired, he tried to face boldly the thought from + which he had but a moment ago shrunk as from something hopelessly sad and + perplexing. + </p> + <p> + And in that hour he looked fearlessly into the gulf which separates the + New World from the Old. He had hoped to bridge it; but, alas! it can not + be bridged. + </p> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg’s A Good-For-Nothing, by Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING *** + +***** This file should be named 23174-h.htm or 23174-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/1/7/23174/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Good-For-Nothing + 1876 + +Author: Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +Release Date: October 24, 2007 [EBook #23174] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + +A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING + +By Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +By permission of Charles Scribner's Sons. + +Copyright, 1876, by James R. Osgood & Co + + + + +I + +Ralph Grimm was born a gentleman, He had the misfortune of coming into +the world some ten years later than might reasonably have been expected. +Colonel Grim and his lady had celebrated twelve anniversaries of their +wedding-day, and had given up all hopes of ever having a son and heir, +when this late comer startled them by his unexpected appearance. The +only previous addition to the family had been a daughter, and she was +then ten summers old. + +Ralph was a very feeble child, and could only with great difficulty be +persuaded to retain his hold of the slender thread which bound him to +existence. He was rubbed with whiskey, and wrapped in cotton, and given +mare's milk to drink, and God knows what not, and the Colonel swore a +round oath of paternal delight when at last the infant stopped gasping +in that distressing way and began to breathe like other human beings. +The mother, who, in spite of her anxiety for the child's life, had found +time to plot for him a career of future magnificence, now suddenly set +him apart for literature, because that was the easiest road to fame, and +disposed of him in marriage to one of the most distinguished families of +the land. She cautiously suggested this to her husband when he came to +take his seat at her bedside; but to her utter astonishment she found +that he had been indulging a similar train of thought, and had already +destined the infant prodigy for the army. She, however, could not give +up her predilection for literature, and the Colonel, who could not bear +to be contradicted in his own house, as he used to say, was getting +every minute louder and more flushed, when, happily, the doctor's +arrival interrupted the dispute. + +As Ralph grew up from infancy to childhood, he began to give decided +promise of future distinction. He was fond of sitting down in a corner +and sucking his thumb, which his mother interpreted as the sign of that +brooding disposition peculiar to poets and men of lofty genius. At the +age of five, he had become sole master in the house. He slapped his +sister Hilda in the face, or pulled her hair, when she hesitated to +obey him, tyrannized over his nurse, and sternly refused to go to bed in +spite of his mother's entreaties. On such occasions, the Colonel would +hide his face behind his newspaper, and chuckle with delight; it was +evident that nature had intended his son for a great military commander. + +As soon as Ralph himself was old enough to have any thoughts about his +future destiny, he made up his mind that he would like to be a pirate. +A few months later, having contracted an immoderate taste for candy, he +contented himself with the comparatively humble position of a baker; but +when he had read "Robinson Crusoe" he manifested a strong desire to go +to sea in the hope of being wrecked on some desolate island. The parents +spent long evenings gravely discussing these indications of uncommon +genius, and each interpreted them in his or her own way. + +"He is not like any other child I ever knew," said the mother. + +"To be sure," responded the father, earnestly. "He is a most +extraordinary child. I was a very remarkable child too, even if I do say +it myself; but, as far as I remember, I never aspired to being wrecked +on an uninhabited island." + +The Colonel probably spoke the truth; but he forgot to take into account +that he had never read "Robinson Crusoe." + +Of Ralph's school-days there is but little to report, for, to tell the +truth, he did not fancy going to school, as the discipline annoyed him. +The day after his having entered the gymnasium, which was to prepare +him for the Military Academy, the principal saw him waiting at the gate +after his class had been dismissed. He approached him, and asked why he +did not go home with the rest. + +"I am waiting for the servant to carry my books," was the boy's answer. + +"Give me your books," said the teacher. + +Ralph reluctantly obeyed. That day the Colonel was not a little +surprised to see his son marching up the street, and every now and then +glancing behind him with a look of discomfort at the principal, who +was following quietly in his train, carrying a parcel of school-books. +Colonel Grim and his wife, divining the teacher's intention, agreed that +it was a great outrage, but they did not mention the matter to Ralph. +Henceforth, however, the boy refused to be accompanied by his servant. A +week later he was impudent to the teacher of gymnastics, who whipped him +in return. The Colonel's rage knew no bounds; he rode in great haste to +the gymnasium, reviled the teacher for presuming to chastise _his_ son, +and committed the boy to the care of a private tutor. + +At the age of sixteen, Ralph went to the capital with the intention of +entering the Military Academy. He was a tall, handsome youth, slender of +stature, and carried himself as erect as a candle. He had a light, clear +complexion of almost feminine delicacy; blond, curly hair, which he +always kept carefully brushed; a low forehead, and a straight, finely +modeled nose. There was an expression of extreme sensitiveness about +the nostrils, and a look of indolence in the dark-blue eyes. But the +_ensemble_ of his features was pleasing, his dress irreproachable, and +his manners bore no trace of the awkward self-consciousness peculiar to +his age. Immediately on his arrival in the capital he hired a suite of +rooms in the aristocratic part of the city, and furnished them rather +expensively, but in excellent taste. From a bosom friend, whom he met +by accident in the restaurant's pavilion in the park, he learned that +a pair of antlers, a stuffed eagle, or falcon, and a couple of swords, +were indispensable to a well-appointed apartment. He accordingly bought +these articles at a curiosity shop. During the first weeks of his +residence in the city he made some feeble efforts to perfect himself in +mathematics, in which he suspected he was somewhat deficient. But when +the same officious friend laughed at him, and called him "green," he +determined to trust to fortune, and henceforth devoted himself the +more assiduously to the French ballet, where he had already made some +interesting acquaintances. + +The time for the examination came; the French ballet did not prove a +good preparation; Ralph failed. It quite shook him for the time, and +he felt humiliated. He had not the courage to tell his father; so he +lingered on from day to day, sat vacantly gazing out of his window, and +tried vainly to interest himself in the busy bustle down on the street. +It provoked him that everybody else should be so light-hearted, when +he was, or at least fancied himself, in trouble. The parlor grew +intolerable; he sought refuge in his bedroom. There he sat one evening +(it was the third day after the examination), and stared out upon the +gray stone walls which on all sides inclosed the narrow courtyard. +The round stupid face of the moon stood tranquilly dozing like a great +Limburger cheese suspended under the sky. + +Ralph, at least, could think of a no more fitting simile. But the +bright-eyed young girl in the window hard by sent a longing look up to +the same moon, and thought of her distant home on the fjords, where the +glaciers stood like hoary giants, and caught the yellow moonbeams on +their glittering shields of snow. She had been reading "Ivanhoe" all the +afternoon, until the twilight had overtaken her quite unaware, and +now she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to write her German +exercise. She lifted her face and saw a pair of sad, vacant eyes gazing +at her from the next window in the angle of the court She was a little +startled at first, but in the next moment she thought of her German +exercise and took heart. + +"Do you know German?" she said; then immediately repented that she had +said it. + +"I do," was the answer. + +She took up her apron and began to twist it with an air of +embarrassment. + +"I didn't mean anything," she whispered, at last. "I only wanted to +know." + +"You are very kind." + +That answer roused her; he was evidently making sport of her. + +"Well, then, if you do, you may write my exercise for me. I have marked +the place in the book." + +And she flung her book over to the window, and he caught it on the edge +of the sill, just as it was falling. + +"You are a very strange girl," he remarked, turning over the leaves of +the book, although it was too dark to read. "How old are you?" + +"I shall be fourteen six weeks before Christmas," answered she, frankly. + +"Then I excuse you." + +"No, indeed," cried she, vehemently. "You needn't excuse me at all. If +you don't want to write my exercise, you may send the book back again. I +am very sorry I spoke to you, and I shall never do it again." + +"But you will not get the book back again without the exercise," replied +he, quietly. "Good-night." + +The girl stood long looking after him, hoping that he would return. +Then, with a great burst of repentance, she hid her face in her lap, and +began to cry. + +"Oh, dear, I didn't mean to be rude," she sobbed. "But it was Ivanhoe +and Rebecca who upset me." + +The next morning she was up before daylight, and waited for two long +hours in great suspense before the curtain of his window was raised. He +greeted her politely; threw a hasty glance around the court to see if he +was observed, and then tossed her book dexterously over into her hands. + +"I have pinned the written exercise to the flyleaf," he said. "You will +probably have time to copy it before breakfast." + +"I am ever so much obliged to you," she managed to stammer. + +He looked so tall and handsome, and grown-up, and her remorse stuck in +her throat, and threatened to choke her. She had taken him for a boy as +he sat there in his window the evening before. + +"By the way, what is your name?" he asked, carelessly, as he turned to +go. + +"Bertha." + +"Well, my dear Bertha, I am happy to have made your acquaintance." + +And he again made her a polite bow, and entered his parlor. + +"How provokingly familiar he is," thought she; "but no one can deny that +he is handsome." + +The bright roguish face of the young girl haunted Ralph during the whole +next week. He had been in love at least ten times before, of course; +but, like most boys, with young ladies far older than himself. He found +himself frequently glancing over to her window in the hope of catching +another glimpse of her face; but the curtain was always drawn down, +and Bertha remained invisible. During the second week, however, she +relented, and they had many a pleasant chat together. He now volunteered +to write all her exercises, and she made no objections. He learned that +she was the daughter of a well-to-do peasant in the sea-districts of +Norway (and it gave him quite a shock to hear it), and that she was +going to school in the city, and boarded with an old lady who kept a +_pension_ in the house adjoining the one in which he lived. + +One day in the autumn Ralph was surprised by the sudden arrival of his +father, and the fact of his failure in the examination could no longer +be kept a secret. The old Colonel flared up at once when Ralph made +his confession; the large veins upon his forehead swelled; he grew +coppery-red in his face, and stormed up and down the floor, until his +son became seriously alarmed; but, to his great relief, he was soon made +aware that his father's wrath was not turned against him personally, but +against the officials of the Military Academy who had rejected him. +The Colonel took it as insult to his own good name and irreproachable +standing as an officer; he promptly refused any other explanation, and +vainly racked his brain to remember if any youthful folly of his could +possibly have made him enemies among the teachers of the Academy. He +at last felt satisfied that it was envy of his own greatness and rapid +advancement which had induced the rascals to take vengeance on his son. +Ralph reluctantly followed his father back to the country town where +the latter was stationed, and the fair-haired Bertha vanished from his +horizon. His mother's wish now prevailed, and he began, in his own easy +way, to prepare himself for the University. He had little taste for +Cicero, and still less for Virgil, but with the use of a "pony" he soon +gained sufficient knowledge of these authors to be able to talk in a +sort of patronizing way about them, to the great delight of his fond +parents. He took quite a fancy, however, to the ode in Horace ending +with the lines: + + Dolce ridentem, + Dulce loqucntem, + Lalagen amabo. + +And in his thought he substituted for Lalage the fair-haired Bertha, +quite regardless of the requirements of the metre. + +To make a long story short, three years later Ralph returned to the +capital, and, after having worn out several tutors, actually succeeded +in entering the University. + +The first year of college life is a happy time to every young man, and +Ralph enjoyed its processions, its parliamentary gatherings, and +its leisure, as well as the rest. He was certainly not the man to be +sentimental over the loss of a young girl whom, moreover, he had only +known for a few weeks. Nevertheless, he thought of her at odd times, but +not enough to disturb his pleasure. The standing of his family, his own +handsome appearance, and his immaculate linen opened to him the best +houses of the city, and he became a great favorite in society. At +lectures he was seldom seen, but more frequently in the theatres, where +he used to come in during the middle of the first act, take his station +in front of the orchestra box, and eye, through his lorgnette, by turns, +the actresses and the ladies of the parquet. + + + + +II + +Two months passed, and then came the great annual ball which the +students give at the opening of the second semester. Ralph was a man of +importance that evening; first, because he belonged to a great family; +secondly, because he was the handsomest man of his year. He wore a large +golden star on his breast (for his fellow-students had made him a Knight +of the Golden Boar) and a badge of colored ribbons in his buttonhole. + +The ball was a brilliant affair, and everybody was in excellent spirits, +especially the ladies. Ralph danced incessantly, twirled his soft +mustache, and uttered amiable platitudes. It was toward midnight, just +as the company was moving out to supper, that he caught the glance of a +pair of dark-blue eyes, which suddenly drove the blood to his cheeks +and hastened the beating of his heart. But when he looked once more the +dark-blue eyes were gone, and his unruly heart went on hammering against +his side. He laid his hand on his breast and glanced furtively at his +fair neighbor, but she looked happy and unconcerned, for the flavor of +the ice cream was delicious. It seemed an endless meal, but, when it +was done, Ralph rose, led his partner back to the ballroom, and hastily +excused himself. His glance wandered round the wide hall, seeking the +well-remembered eyes once more, and, at length, finding them in a remote +corner, half hid behind a moving wall of promenaders. In another moment +he was at Bertha's side. + +"You must have been purposely hiding yourself, Miss Bertha," said he, +when the usual greetings were exchanged. "I have not caught a glimpse of +you all this evening, until a few moments ago." + +"But I have seen you all the while," answered the girl, frankly. "I knew +you at once as I entered the hall." + +"If I had but known that you were here," resumed Ralph, as it were +invisibly expanding with an agreeable sense of dignity, "I assure you +you would have been the very first one I should have sought." + +She raised her large grave eyes to his, as if questioning his sincerity; +but she made no answer. + +"Good gracious!" thought Ralph. "She takes things terribly in earnest." + +"You look so serious, Miss Bertha," said he, after a moment's pause. "I +remember you as a bright-eyed, flaxen-haired little girl, who threw her +German exercise-book to me across the yard, and whose merry laughter +still rings pleasantly in my memory, I confess I don't find it quite +easy to identify this grave young lady with my merry friend of three +years ago." + +"In other words, you are disappointed at not finding me the same as I +used to be." + +"No, not exactly that; but--" + +Ralph paused and looked puzzled. There was something in the earnestness +of her manner which made a facetious compliment seem grossly +inappropriate, and in the moment no other escape suggested itself. + +"But what?" demanded Bertha, mercilessly. + +"Have you ever lost an old friend?" asked he, abruptly. + +"Yes; how so?" + +"Then," answered he, while his features lighted up with a happy +inspiration--"then you will appreciate my situation. I fondly cherished +my old picture of you in my memory. Now I have lost it, and I can not +help regretting the loss. I do not mean, however, to imply that this new +acquaintance--this second edition of yourself, so to speak--will prove +less interesting." + +She again sent him a grave, questioning look, and began to gaze intently +upon the stone in her bracelet. + +"I suppose you will laugh at me," began she, while a sudden blush +flitted over her countenance. "But this is my first ball, and I feel +as if I had rushed into a whirlpool, from which I have, since the first +rash plunge was made, been vainly trying to escape. I feel so dreadfully +forlorn. I hardly know anybody here except my cousin, who invited me, +and I hardly think I know him either." + +"Well, since you are irredeemably committed," replied Ralph, as the +music, after some prefatory flourishes, broke into the delicious rhythm +of a Strauss waltz, "then it is no use struggling against fate. Come, +let us make the plunge together. Misery loves company." + +He offered her his arm, and she rose, somewhat hesitatingly, and +followed. + +"I am afraid," she whispered, as they fell into line with the procession +that was moving down the long hall, "that you have asked me to dance +merely because I said I felt forlorn. If that is the case, I should +prefer to be led back to my seat." + +"What a base imputation!" cried Ralph. + +There was something so charmingly _naive_ in this +self-depreciation--something so altogether novel in his experience, and, +he could not help adding, just a little bit countrified. His spirits +rose; he began to relish keenly his position as an experienced man +of the world, and, in the agreeable glow of patronage and conscious +superiority, chatted with hearty _abandon_ with his little rustic +beauty. + +"If your dancing is as perfect as your German exercises were," said she, +laughing, as they swung out upon the floor, "then I promise myself a +good deal of pleasure from our meeting." + +"Never fear," answered he, quickly reversing his step, and whirling with +many a capricious turn away among the thronging couples. + +When Ralph drove home in his carriage toward morning he briefly summed +up his impressions of Bertha in the following adjectives: intelligent, +delightfully unsophisticated, a little bit verdant, but devilish pretty. + +Some weeks later Colonel Grim received an appointment at the fortress of +Aggershuus, and immediately took up his residence in the capital. He saw +that his son cut a fine figure in the highest circles of society, and +expressed his gratification in the most emphatic terms. If he had +known, however, that Ralph was in the habit of visiting, with alarming +regularity, at the house of a plebeian merchant in a somewhat obscure +street, he would, no doubt, have been more chary of his praise. But the +Colonel suspected nothing, and it was well for the peace of the family +that he did not. It may have been cowardice in Ralph that he +never mentioned Bertha's name to his family or to his aristocratic +acquaintances; for, to be candid, he himself felt ashamed of the power +she exerted over him, and by turns pitied and ridiculed himself for +pursuing so inglorious a conquest. Nevertheless it wounded his egotism +that she never showed any surprise at seeing him, that she received him +with with a certain frank unceremoniousness, which, however, was very +becoming to her; that she invariably went on with her work heedless +of his presence, and in everything treated him as if she had been his +equal. She persisted in talking with him in a half sisterly fashion +about his studies and his future career, warned him with great +solicitude against some of his reprobate friends, of whose merry +adventures he had told her; and if he ventured to compliment her on +her beauty or her accomplishments, she would look up gravely from +her sewing, or answer him in a way which seemed to banish the idea of +love-making into the land of the impossible. He was constantly tormented +by the suspicion that she secretly disapproved of him, and that from a +mere moral interest in his welfare she was conscientiously laboring +to make him a better man. Day after day he parted from her feeling +humiliated, faint-hearted, and secretly indignant both at himself and +her, and day after day he returned only to renew the same experience. +At last it became too intolerable, he could endure it no longer. Let it +make or break, certainty, at all risks, was at least preferable to this +sickening suspense. That he loved her, he could no longer doubt; let his +parents foam and fret as much as they pleased; for once he was going to +stand on his own legs. And in the end, he thought, they would have to +yield, for they had no son but him. + +Bertha was going to return to her home on the sea-coast in a week. +Ralph stood in the little low-ceiled parlor, as she imagined, to bid +her good-by. They had been speaking of her father, her brothers, and the +farm, and she had expressed the wish that if he ever should come to that +part of the country he might pay them a visit. Her words had kindled +a vague hope in his breast, but in their very frankness and friendly +regard there was something which slew the hope they had begotten. He +held her hand in his, and her large confiding eyes shone with an emotion +which was beautiful, but was yet not love. + +"If you were but a peasant born like myself," said she, in a voice which +sounded almost tender, "then I should like to talk to you as I would to +my own brother; but--" + +"No, not brother, Bertha," cried he, with sudden vehemence; "I love you +better than I ever loved any earthly being, and if you knew how firmly +this love has clutched at the roots of my heart, you would perhaps--you +would at least not look so reproachfully at me." + +She dropped his hand, and stood for a moment silent. + +"I am sorry that it should have come to this, Mr. Grim," said she, +visibly struggling for calmness. "And I am perhaps more to blame than +you." + +"Blame," muttered he, "why are you to blame?" + +"Because I do not love you; although I sometimes feared that this might +come. But then again I persuaded myself that it could not be so." + +He took a step toward the door, laid his hand on the knob, and gazed +down before him. + +"Bertha," began he, slowly, raising his head, "you have always +disapproved of me, you have despised me in your heart, but you thought +you would be doing a good work if you succeeded in making a man of me." + +"You use strong language," answered she, hesitatingly; "but there is +truth in what you say." + +Again there was a long pause, in which the ticking of the old parlor +clock grew louder and louder. + +"Then," he broke out at last, "tell me before we part if I can do +nothing to gain--I will not say your love--but only your regard? What +would you do if you were in my place?" + +"My advice you will hardly heed, and I do not even know that it would +be well if you did. But if I were a man in your position, I should break +with my whole past, start out into the world where nobody knew me, and +where I should be dependent only upon my own strength, and there I would +conquer a place for myself, if it were only for the satisfaction of +knowing that I was really a man. Here cushions are sewed under your +arms, a hundred invisible threads bind you to a life of idleness and +vanity, everybody is ready to carry you on his hands, the road is +smoothed for you, every stone carefully moved out of your path, and you +will probably go to your grave without having ever harbored one earnest +thought, without having done one manly deed." + +Ralph stood transfixed, gazing at her with open mouth; he felt a kind of +stupid fright, as if some one had suddenly seized him by the shoulders +and shaken him violently. He tried vainly to remove his eyes from +Bertha. She held him as by a powerful spell. He saw that her face was +lighted with an altogether new beauty; he noticed the deep glow upon her +cheek, the brilliancy of her eye, the slight quiver of her lip. But he +saw all this as one sees things in a half-trance, without attempting to +account for them; the door between his soul and his senses was closed. + +"I know that I have been bold in speaking to you in this way," she said +at last, seating herself in a chair at the window. "But it was yourself +who asked me. And I have felt all the time that I should have to tell +you this before we parted." + +"And," answered he, making a strong effort to appear calm, "if I follow +your advice, will you allow me to see you once more before you go?" + +"I shall remain here another week, and shall, during that time, always +be ready to receive you." + +"Thank you. Good-by." + +"Good-by." + +Ralph carefully avoided all the fashionable thoroughfares; he felt +degraded before himself, and he had an idea that every man could read +his humiliation in his countenance. Now he walked on quickly, striking +the sidewalk with his heels; now, again, he fell into an uneasy, +reckless saunter, according as the changing moods in' spired defiance +of his sentence, or a qualified surrender. And, as he walked on, the +bitterness grew within him, and he piteously reviled himself for having +allowed himself to be made a fool of by "that little country goose," +when he was well aware that there were hundreds of women of the best +families of the land who would feel honored at receiving his attentions. +But this sort of reasoning he knew to be both weak and contemptible, and +his better self soon rose in loud rebellion. + +"After all," he muttered, "in the main thing she was right. I am a +miserable good-for-nothing, a hothouse plant, a poor stick, and if I +were a woman myself, I don't think I should waste my affections on a man +of that calibre." + +Then he unconsciously fell to analyzing Bertha's character, wondering +vaguely that a person who moved so timidly in social life, appearing +so diffident, from an ever-present fear of blundering against the +established forms of etiquette, could judge so quickly, and with such a +merciless certainty, whenever a moral question, a question of right +and wrong, was at issue. And, pursuing the same train of thought, he +contrasted her with himself, who moved in the highest spheres of society +as in his native element, heedless of moral scruples, and conscious of +no loftier motive for his actions than the immediate pleasure of the +moment. + +As Ralph turned the corner of a street, he heard himself hailed from the +other sidewalk by a chorus of merry voices. + +"Ah, my dear Baroness," cried a young man, springing across the street +and grasping Ralph's hand (all his student friends called him the +Baroness), "in the name of this illustrious company, allow me to salute +you. But why the deuce--what is the matter with you? If you have the +_Katzenjammer_* soda-water is the thing. Come along--it's my treat!" + + * _Katzenjammer_ is the sensation a man has the morning + after a carousal. + +The students instantly thronged around Ralph, who stood distractedly +swinging his cane and smiling idiotically. + +"I am not quite well," said he; "leave me alone." + +"No, to be sure, you don't look well," cried a jolly youth, against +whom Bertha had frequently warned him; "but a glass of sherry will soon +restore you. It would be highly immoral to leave you in this condition +without taking care of you." + +Ralph again vainly tried to remonstrate; but the end was, that he +reluctantly followed. + +He had always been a conspicuous figure in the student world; but that +night he astonished his friends by his eloquence, his reckless humor, +and his capacity for drinking. He made a speech for "Woman," which +bristled with wit, cynicism, and sarcastic epigrams. One young man, +named Vinter, who was engaged, undertook to protest against his sweeping +condemnation, and declared that Ralph, who was a universal favorite +among the ladies, ought to be the last to revile them. + +"If," he went on, "the Baroness should propose to six well-known +ladies here in this city whom I could mention, I would wager six +Johannisbergers, and an equal amount of champagne, that every one of +them would accept him." + +The others loudly applauded this proposal, and Ralph accepted the wager. +The letters were written on the spot, and immediately despatched. Toward +morning, the merry carousal broke up, and Ralph was conducted in triumph +to his home. + + + + +III + +Two days later, Ralph again knocked on Bertha's door. He looked paler +than usual, almost haggard; his immaculate linen was a little crumpled, +and he carried no cane; his lips were tightly compressed, and his face +wore an air of desperate resolution. + +"It is done," he said, as he seated himself opposite her. "I am going." + +"Going!" cried she, startled at his unusual appearance. "How, where?" + +"To America. I sail to-night. I have followed your advice, you see. I +have cut off the last bridge behind me." + +"But, Ralph," she exclaimed, in a voice of alarm. "Something dreadful +must have happened. Tell me quick; I must know it." + +"No; nothing dreadful," muttered he, smiling bitterly. "I have made +a little scandal, that is all. My father told me to-day to go to the +devil, if I chose, and my mother gave me five hundred dollars to help me +along on the way. If you wish to know, here is the explanation." + +And he pulled from his pocket six perfumed and carefully folded notes, +and threw them into her lap. + +"Do you wish me to read them?" she asked, with growing surprise. + +"Certainly. Why not?" + +She hastily opened one note after the other, and read. + +"But, Ralph," she cried, springing up from her seat, while her eyes +flamed with indignation, "what does this mean? What have you done?" + +"I didn't think it needed any explanation," replied he, with feigned +indifference. "I proposed to them all, and, you see, they all accepted +me. I received all these letters to-day. I only wished to know whether +the whole world regarded me as such a worthless scamp as you told me I +was." + +She did not answer, but sat mutely staring at him, fiercely crumpling a +rose-colored note in her hand. He began to feel uncomfortable under her +gaze, and threw himself about uneasily in his chair. + +"Well," said he, at length, rising, "I suppose there is nothing more. +Good-by." + +"One moment, Mr. Grim," demanded she, sternly. "Since I have already +said so much, and you have obligingly revealed to me a new side of your +character, I claim the right to correct the opinion I expressed of you +at our last meeting." + +"I am all attention." + +"I did think, Mr. Grim," began she, breathing hard, and steadying +herself against the table at which she stood, "that you were a very +selfish man--an embodiment of selfishness, absolute and supreme, but I +did not believe that you were wicked." + +"And what convinced you that I was selfish, if I may ask?" + +"What convinced me?" repeated she, in a tone of inexpressible contempt. +"When did you ever act from any generous regard for others? What good +did you ever do to anybody?" + +"You might ask, with equal justice, what good I ever did to myself." + +"In a certain sense, yes; because to gratify a mere momentary wish is +hardly doing one's self good." + +"Then I have, at all events, followed the Biblical precept, and treated +my neighbor very much as I treat myself." + +"I did think," continued Bertha, without heeding the remark, "that you +were at bottom kind-hearted, but too hopelessly well-bred ever to commit +an act of any decided complexion, either good or bad. Now I see that +I have misjudged you, and that you are capable of outraging the most +sacred feelings of a woman's heart in mere wantonness, or for the sake +of satisfying a base curiosity, which never could have entered the mind +of an upright and generous man." + +The hard, benumbed look in Ralph's face thawed in the warmth of her +presence, and her words, though stern, touched a secret spring in his +heart. He made two or three vain attempts to speak, then suddenly broke +down, and cried: + +"Bertha, Bertha, even if you scorn me, have patience with me, and +listen." + +And he told her, in rapid, broken sentences, how his love for her had +grown from day to day, until he could no longer master it; and how, in +an unguarded moment, when his pride rose in fierce conflict against +his love, he had done this reckless deed of which he was now heartily +ashamed. The fervor of his words touched her, for she felt that they +were sincere. Large mute tears trembled in her eyelashes as she sat +gazing tenderly at him, and in the depth of her soul the wish awoke that +she might have been able to return this great and strong love of his; +for she felt that in this love lay the germ of a new, of a stronger and +better man. She noticed, with a half-regretful pleasure, his handsome +figure, his delicately shaped hands, and the noble cast of his features; +an overwhelming pity for him rose within her, and she began to reproach +herself for having spoken so harshly, and, as she now thought, so +unjustly. Perhaps he read in her eyes the unspoken wish. He seized her +hand, and his words fell with a warm and alluring cadence upon her ear. + +"I shall not see you for a long time to come, Bertha," said he, "but if +at the end of five or six years your hand is still free, and I +return another man--a man to whom you could safely intrust your +happiness--would you then listen to what I may have to say to you? For I +promise, by all that we both hold sacred--" + +"No, no," interrupted she, hastily. "Promise nothing. It would be unjust +to yourself, and perhaps also to me; for a sacred promise is a terrible +thing, Ralph. Let us both remain free; and, if you return and still love +me, then come, and I shall receive you and listen to you. And even if +you have outgrown your love, which is, indeed, more probable, come still +to visit me wherever I may be, and we shall meet as friends and rejoice +in the meeting." + +"You know best," he murmured. "Let it be as you have said." + +He arose, took her face between his hands, gazed long and tenderly into +her eyes, pressed a kiss upon her forehead, and hastened away. + +That night Ralph boarded the steamer for Hull, and three weeks later +landed in New York. + + + + +IV + +The first three months of Ralph's sojourn in America were spent in vain +attempts to obtain a situation. Day after day he walked down Broadway, +calling at various places of business, and night after night he returned +to his cheerless room with a faint heart and declining spirits. It was, +after all, a more serious thing than he had imagined, to cut the cable +which binds one to the land of one's birth. There a hundred subtile +influences, the existence of which no one suspects until the moment they +are withdrawn, unite to keep one in the straight path of rectitude, or +at least of external respectability; and Ralph's life had been all in +society; the opinion of his fellow-men had been the one force to which +he implicitly deferred, and the conscience by which he had been wont +to test his actions had been nothing but the aggregate judgment of his +friends. To such a man the isolation and the utter irresponsibility of a +life among strangers was tenfold more dangerous; and Ralph found, to his +horror, that his character contained innumerable latent possibilities +which the easy-going life in his home probably never would have revealed +to him. It often cut him to the quick, when, on entering an office in +his daily search for employment, he was met by hostile or suspicious +glances, or when, as it occasionally happened, the door was slammed in +his face, as if he were a vagabond or an impostor. Then the wolf was +often roused within him, and he felt a momentary wild desire to become +what the people here evidently believed him to be. Many a night he +sauntered irresolutely about the gambling places in obscure streets, +and the glare of light, the rude shouts and clamors in the same moment +repelled and attracted him. If he went to the devil, who would care? His +father had himself pointed out the way to him; and nobody could blame +him if he followed the advice. But then again a memory emerged from that +chamber of his soul which still he held sacred; and Bertha's deep-blue +eyes gazed upon him with their earnest look of tender warning and +regret. + +When the summer was half gone, Ralph had gained many a hard victory over +himself, and learned many a useful lesson; and at length he swallowed +his pride, divested himself of his fine clothes, and accepted a +position as assistant gardener at a villa on the Hudson. And as he stood +perspiring with a spade in his hand, and a cheap broad-brimmed straw hat +on his head, he often took a grim pleasure in picturing to himself +how his aristocratic friends at home would receive him if he should +introduce himself to them in this new costume. + +"After all, it was only my position they cared for," he reflected, +bitterly; "without my father's name what would I be to them?" + +Then, again, there was a certain satisfaction in knowing that, for +his present situation, humble as it was, he was indebted to nobody but +himself; and the thought that Bertha's eyes, if they could have seen him +now, would have dwelt upon him with pleasure and approbation, went far +to console him for his aching back, his sunburned face, and his swollen +and blistered hands. + +One day, as Ralph was raking the gravel-walks in the garden, his +employer's daughter, a young lady of seventeen, came out and spoke to +him. His culture and refinement of manner struck her with wonder, and +she asked him to tell her his history; but then he suddenly grew very +grave, and she forbore pressing him. From that time she attached a kind +of romantic interest to him, and finally induced her father to obtain +him a situation that would be more to his taste. And, before winter +came, Ralph saw the dawn of a new future glimmering before him. He had +wrestled bravely with fate, and had once more gained a victory. He began +the career in which success and distinction awaited him as proofreader +on a newspaper in the city. He had fortunately been familiar with the +English language before he left home, and by the strength of his will he +conquered all difficulties. At the end of two years he became attached +to the editorial staff; new ambitious hopes, hitherto foreign to his +mind, awoke within him; and with joyous tumult of heart he saw life +opening its wide vistas before him, and he labored on manfully to repair +the losses of the past, and to prepare himself for greater usefulness in +times to come. He felt in himself a stronger and fuller manhood, as if +the great arteries of the vast universal world-life pulsed in his own +being. The drowsy, indolent existence at home appeared like a dull +remote dream from which he had awaked, and he blessed the destiny which, +by its very sternness, had mercifully saved him; he blessed her, too, +who, from the very want of love for him, had, perhaps, made him worthier +of love. + +The years flew rapidly. Society had flung its doors open to him, and +what was more, he had found some warm friends, in whose houses he +could come and go at pleasure. He enjoyed keenly the privilege of daily +association with high-minded and refined women; their eager activity +of intellect stimulated him, their exquisite ethereal grace and their +delicately chiseled beauty satisfied his aesthetic cravings, and the +responsive vivacity of their nature prepared him ever new surprises. +He felt a strange fascination in the presence of these women, and the +conviction grew upon him that their type of womanhood was superior to +any he had hitherto known. And by way of refuting his own argument, he +would draw from his pocketbook the photograph of Bertha, which had a +secret compartment there all to itself, and, gazing tenderly at it, +would eagerly defend her against the disparaging reflections which the +involuntary comparison had provoked. And still, how could he help seeing +that her features, though well molded, lacked animation; that her eye, +with its deep, trustful glance, was not brilliant, and that the calm +earnestness of her face, when compared with the bright, intellectual +beauty of his present friends, appeared pale and simple, like a violet +in a bouquet of vividly colored roses? It gave him a quick pang, when, +at times, he was forced to admit this; nevertheless, it was the truth. + +After six years of residence in America, Ralph had gained a very high +reputation as a journalist of rare culture and ability, and in 1867 he +was sent to the World's Exhibition in Paris, as correspondent of the +paper on which he had during all these years been employed. What wonder, +then, that he started for Europe a few weeks before his presence was +needed in the imperial city, and that he steered his course directly +toward the fjord valley where Bertha had her home? It was she who had +bidden him Godspeed when he fled from the land of his birth, and she, +too, should receive his first greeting on his return. + + + + +V + +The sun had fortified itself behind a citadel of flaming clouds, and the +upper forest region shone with a strange ethereal glow, while the +lower plains were wrapped in shadow; but the shadow itself had a +strong suffusion of color. The mountain peaks rose cold and blue in the +distance. + +Ralph, having inquired his way of the boatman who had landed him at the +pier, walked rapidly along the beach, with a small valise in his hand, +and a light summer overcoat flung over his shoulder. Many half-thoughts +grazed his mind, and ere the first had taken shape, the second and the +third came and chased it away. And still they all in some fashion had +reference to Bertha; for in a misty, abstract way, she filled his whole +mind; but for some indefinable reason, he was afraid to give free rein +to the sentiment which lurked in the remoter corners of his soul. + +Onward he hastened, while his heart throbbed with the quickening tempo +of mingled expectation and fear. Now and then one of those chill gusts +of air, which seem to be careering about aimlessly in the atmosphere +during early summer, would strike into his face, and recal! him to a +keener self-consciousness. + +Ralph concluded, from his increasing agitation, that he must be very +near Bertha's home. He stopped and looked around him. He saw a large +maple at the roadside, some thirty steps from where he was standing, +and the girl who was sitting under it, resting her head in her hand and +gazing out over the sea, he recognized in an instant to be Bertha. He +sprang up on the road, not crossing, however, her line of vision, and +approached her noiselessly from behind. + +"Bertha," he whispered. + +She gave a little joyous cry, sprang up, and made a gesture as if +to throw herself in his arms; then suddenly checked herself, blushed +crimson, and moved a step backward. + +"You came so suddenly," she murmured. + +"But, Bertha," cried he (and the full bass of his voice rang through her +very soul), "have I gone into exile and waited these many years for so +cold a welcome?" + +"You have changed so much, Ralph," she answered, with that old grave +smile which he knew so well, and stretched out both her hands toward +him. "And I have thought of you so much since you went away, and blamed +myself because I had judged you so harshly, and wondered that you could +listen to me so patiently, and never bear me any malice for what I +said." + +"If you had said a word less," declared Ralph, seating himself at +her side on the greensward, "or if you had varnished it over with +politeness, then you would probably have failed to produce any effect +and I should not have been burdened with that heavy debt of gratitude +which I now owe you. I was a pretty thick-skinned animal in those days, +Bertha. You said the right word at the right moment; you gave me a bold +and a good piece of advice, which my own ingenuity would never have +suggested to me. I will not thank you, because, in so grave a case as +this, spoken thanks sound like a mere mockery. Whatever I am, Bertha, +and whatever I may hope to be, I owe it all to that hour." + +She listened with rapture to the manly assurance of his voice; her eyes +dwelt with unspeakable joy upon his strong, bronzed features, his full +thick blond beard, and the vigorous proportions of his frame. Many and +many a time during his absence had she wondered how he would look if +he ever came back, and with that minute conscientiousness which, as it +were, pervaded her whole character, she had held herself responsible +before God for his fate, prayed for him, and trembled lest evil powers +should gain the ascendency over his soul. + +On their way to the house they talked together of many things, but in +a guarded, cautious fashion, and without the cheerful abandonment of +former years. They both, as it were, groped their way carefully in each +other's minds, and each vaguely felt that there was something in the +other's thought which it was not well to touch unbidden. Bertha saw +that all her fears for him had been groundless, and his very appearance +lifted the whole weight of responsibility from her breast; and still, +did she rejoice at her deliverance from her burden? Ah, no; in this +moment she knew that that which she had foolishly cherished as the +best and noblest part of herself had been but a selfish need of her own +heart. She feared that she had only taken that interest in him which one +feels in a thing of one's own making, and now, when she saw that he had +risen quite above her; that he was free and strong, and could have no +more need of her, she had, instead of generous pleasure at his success, +but a painful sense of emptiness, as if something very dear had been +taken from her. + +Ralph, too, was loth to analyze the impression his old love made upon +him. His feelings were of so complex a nature, he was anxious to keep +his more magnanimous impulses active, and he strove hard to convince +himself that she was still the same to him as she had been before they +had ever parted. But, alas! though the heart be warm and generous, the +eye is a merciless critic. And the man who had moved on the wide arena +of the world, whose mind had housed the large thoughts of this century, +and expanded with its invigorating breath--was he to blame because he +had unconsciously outgrown his old provincial self, and could no more +judge by its standards? + +Bertha's father was a peasant, but he had, by his lumber trade, acquired +what in Norway was called a very handsome fortune. He received his guest +with dignified reserve, and Ralph thought he detected in his eyes a +lurking look of distrust. "I know your errand," that look seemed to say, +"but you had better give it up at once. It will be of no use for you to +try." + +And after supper, as Ralph and Bertha sat talking confidingly with each +other at the window, he sent his daughter a quick, sharp glance, and +then, without ceremony, commanded her to go to bed. Ralph's heart gave +a great thump within him; not because he feared the old man, but because +his words, as well as his glances, revealed to him the sad history of +these long, patient years. He doubted no longer that the love which he +had once so ardently desired was his at last; and he made a silent vow +that, come what might, he would remain faithful. + +As he came down to breakfast the next morning, he found Bertha sitting +at the window, engaged in hemming what appeared to be a rough kitchen +towel. She bent eagerly over her work, and only a vivid flush upon her +cheek told him that she had noticed his coming. He took a chair, seated +himself opposite her, and bade her "good-morning." She raised her head, +and showed him a sweet, troubled countenance, which the early sunlight +illumined with a high spiritual beauty. It reminded him forcibly of +those pale, sweet-faced saints of Fra Angelico, with whom the frail +flesh seems ever on the point of yielding to the ardent aspirations of +the spirit. And still even in this moment he could not prevent his eyes +from observing that one side of her forefinger was rough from sewing, +and that the whiteness of her arm, which the loose sleeves displayed, +contrasted strongly with the browned and sunburned complexion of her +hands. + +After breakfast they again walked together on the beach, and Ralph, +having once formed his resolution, now talked freely of the New +World--of his sphere of activity there; of his friends and of his plans +for the future; and she listened to him with a mild, perplexed look in +her eyes, as if trying vainly to follow the flight of his thoughts. And +he wondered, with secret dismay, whether she was still the same strong, +brave-hearted girl whom he had once accounted almost bold; whether the +life in this narrow valley, amid a hundred petty and depressing cares, +had not cramped her spiritual growth, and narrowed the sphere of her +thought. Or was she still the same, and was it only he who had changed? +At last he gave utterance to his wonder, and she answered him in those +grave, earnest tones which seemed in themselves to be half a refutation +of his doubts. + +"It was easy for me to give you daring advice then, Ralph," she said. +"Like most school-girls, I thought that life was a great and glorious +thing, and that happiness was a fruit which hung within reach of every +hand. Now I have lived for six years trying single-handed to relieve the +want and suffering of the needy people with whom I come in contact, +and their squalor and wretchedness have sickened me, and, what is still +worse, I feel that all I can do is as a drop in the ocean, and, after +all, amounts to nothing. I know I am no longer the same reckless girl +who, with the very best intention, sent you wandering through the wide +world; and I thank God that it proved to be for your good, although the +whole now appears quite incredible to me. My thoughts have moved so long +within the narrow circle of these mountains that they have lost their +youthful elasticity, and can no more rise above them." + +Ralph detected, in the midst of her despondency, a spark of her former +fire, and grew eloquent in his endeavors to persuade her that she was +unjust to herself, and that there was but a wider sphere of life needed +to develop all the latent powers of her rich nature. + +At the dinner-table, her father again sat eying his guest with that same +cold look of distrust and suspicion. And when the meal was at an end, he +rose abruptly and called his daughter into another room. Presently Ralph +heard his angry voice resounding through the house, interrupted now and +then by a woman's sobs, and a subdued, passionate pleading. When Bertha +again entered the room, her eyes were very red, and he saw that she had +been weeping. She threw a shawl over her shoulders, beckoned to him with +her hand, and he arose and followed her. She led the way silently until +they reached a thick copse of birch and alder near the strand. She +dropped down upon a bench between two trees, and he took his seat at her +side. + +"Ralph," began she, with a visible effort, "I hardly know what to say to +you; but there is something which I must tell you--my father wishes you +to leave us at once." + +"And _you_, Bertha?" + +"Well--yes--I wish it too." + +She saw the painful shock which her words gave him, and she strove hard +to speak. Her lips trembled, her eyes became suffused with tears, which +grew and grew, but never fell; she could not utter a word. + +"Well, Bertha," answered he, with a little quiver in his voice, "if you, +too, wish me to go, I shall not tarry. Good-by." + +He rose quickly, and, with averted face, held out his hand to her; but +as she made no motion to grasp the hand, he began distractedly to button +his coat, and moved slowly away. + +"Ralph." + +He turned sharply, and, before he knew it, she lay sobbing upon his +breast. + +"Ralph," she murmured, while the tears almost choked her words, "I could +not have you leave me thus. It is hard enough--it is hard enough--" + +"What is hard, beloved?" + +She raised her head abruptly, and turned upon him a gaze full of hope +and doubt, and sweet perplexity. + +"Ah, no, you do not love me," she whispered, sadly. + +"Why should I come to seek you, after these many years, dearest, if I +did not wish to make you my wife before God and men? Why should I--I." + +"Ah, yes, I know," she interrupted him with a fresh fit of weeping, "you +are too good and honest to wish to throw me away, now when you have seen +how my soul has hungered for the sight of you these many years, how even +now I cling to you with a despairing clutch. But you can not disguise +yourself, Ralph, and I saw from the first moment that you loved me no +more." + +"Do not be such an unreasonable child," he remonstrated, feebly. "I do +not love you with the wild, irrational passion of former years; but I +have the tenderest regard for you, and my heart warms at the sight of +your sweet face, and I shall do all in my power to make you as happy as +any man can make you who--" + +"Who does not love me," she finished. + +A sudden shudder seemed to shake her whole frame, and she drew herself +more tightly up to him. + +"Ah, no," she continued, after a while, sinking back upon her seat. +"It is a hopeless thing to compel a reluctant heart. I will accept no +sacrifice from you. You owe me nothing, for you have acted toward me +honestly and uprightly, and I shall be a stronger or--at least--a better +woman for what you gave me--and--for what you could not give me, even +though you would." + +"But, Bertha," exclaimed he, looking mournfully at her, "it is not true +when you say that I owe you nothing. Six years ago, when first I wooed +you, you could not return my love, and you sent me out into the world, +and even refused to accept any pledge or promise for the future." + +"And you returned," she responded, "a man, such as my hope had pictured +you; but, while I had almost been standing still, you had outgrown me +and outgrown your old self, and, with your old self, outgrown its love +for me, for your love was not of your new self, but of the old. Alas! it +is a sad tale, but it is true." + +She spoke gravely now, and with a steadier voice, but her eyes hung upon +his face with an eager look of expectation, as if yearning to detect +there some gleam of hope, some contradiction of the dismal truth. He +read that look aright and it pierced him like a sharp sword. He made a +brave effort to respond to its appeal, but his features seemed hard as +stone, and he could only cry out against his destiny, and bewail his +misfortune and hers. + +Toward evening, Ralph was sitting in an open boat, listening to the +measured oar-strokes of the boatmen who were rowing him out to the +nearest stopping-place of the steamer. The mountains lifted their great +placid heads up among the sun-bathed clouds, and the fjord opened its +cool depths as if to make room for their vast reflections. Ralph felt as +if he were floating in the midst of the blue infinite space, and, with +the strength which this feeling inspired, he tried to face boldly the +thought from which he had but a moment ago shrunk as from something +hopelessly sad and perplexing. + +And in that hour he looked fearlessly into the gulf which separates the +New World from the Old. He had hoped to bridge it; but, alas! it can not +be bridged. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Good-For-Nothing, by Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING *** + +***** This file should be named 23174.txt or 23174.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/1/7/23174/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ba5c791 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #23174 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/23174) diff --git a/old/23174-h.htm.2021-01-25 b/old/23174-h.htm.2021-01-25 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..597ae60 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/23174-h.htm.2021-01-25 @@ -0,0 +1,1757 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + A Good-for-nothing, by Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Good-For-Nothing, by Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Good-For-Nothing + 1876 + +Author: Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +Release Date: October 24, 2007 [EBook #23174] +Last Updated: October 18, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <div style="height: 8em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING + </h1> + <h2> + By Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen <br /><br /> By permission of Charles Scribner’s + Sons. <br /><br /><br /> Copyright, 1876, by James R. Osgood & Co + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> III </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> IV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> V </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + I + </h2> + <p> + Ralph Grimm was born a gentleman, He had the misfortune of coming into the + world some ten years later than might reasonably have been expected. + Colonel Grim and his lady had celebrated twelve anniversaries of their + wedding-day, and had given up all hopes of ever having a son and heir, + when this late comer startled them by his unexpected appearance. The only + previous addition to the family had been a daughter, and she was then ten + summers old. + </p> + <p> + Ralph was a very feeble child, and could only with great difficulty be + persuaded to retain his hold of the slender thread which bound him to + existence. He was rubbed with whiskey, and wrapped in cotton, and given + mare’s milk to drink, and God knows what not, and the Colonel swore a + round oath of paternal delight when at last the infant stopped gasping in + that distressing way and began to breathe like other human beings. The + mother, who, in spite of her anxiety for the child’s life, had found time + to plot for him a career of future magnificence, now suddenly set him + apart for literature, because that was the easiest road to fame, and + disposed of him in marriage to one of the most distinguished families of + the land. She cautiously suggested this to her husband when he came to + take his seat at her bedside; but to her utter astonishment she found that + he had been indulging a similar train of thought, and had already destined + the infant prodigy for the army. She, however, could not give up her + predilection for literature, and the Colonel, who could not bear to be + contradicted in his own house, as he used to say, was getting every minute + louder and more flushed, when, happily, the doctor’s arrival interrupted + the dispute. + </p> + <p> + As Ralph grew up from infancy to childhood, he began to give decided + promise of future distinction. He was fond of sitting down in a corner and + sucking his thumb, which his mother interpreted as the sign of that + brooding disposition peculiar to poets and men of lofty genius. At the age + of five, he had become sole master in the house. He slapped his sister + Hilda in the face, or pulled her hair, when she hesitated to obey him, + tyrannized over his nurse, and sternly refused to go to bed in spite of + his mother’s entreaties. On such occasions, the Colonel would hide his + face behind his newspaper, and chuckle with delight; it was evident that + nature had intended his son for a great military commander. + </p> + <p> + As soon as Ralph himself was old enough to have any thoughts about his + future destiny, he made up his mind that he would like to be a pirate. A + few months later, having contracted an immoderate taste for candy, he + contented himself with the comparatively humble position of a baker; but + when he had read “Robinson Crusoe” he manifested a strong desire to go to + sea in the hope of being wrecked on some desolate island. The parents + spent long evenings gravely discussing these indications of uncommon + genius, and each interpreted them in his or her own way. + </p> + <p> + “He is not like any other child I ever knew,” said the mother. + </p> + <p> + “To be sure,” responded the father, earnestly. “He is a most extraordinary + child. I was a very remarkable child too, even if I do say it myself; but, + as far as I remember, I never aspired to being wrecked on an uninhabited + island.” + </p> + <p> + The Colonel probably spoke the truth; but he forgot to take into account + that he had never read “Robinson Crusoe.” + </p> + <p> + Of Ralph’s school-days there is but little to report, for, to tell the + truth, he did not fancy going to school, as the discipline annoyed him. + The day after his having entered the gymnasium, which was to prepare him + for the Military Academy, the principal saw him waiting at the gate after + his class had been dismissed. He approached him, and asked why he did not + go home with the rest. + </p> + <p> + “I am waiting for the servant to carry my books,” was the boy’s answer. + </p> + <p> + “Give me your books,” said the teacher. + </p> + <p> + Ralph reluctantly obeyed. That day the Colonel was not a little surprised + to see his son marching up the street, and every now and then glancing + behind him with a look of discomfort at the principal, who was following + quietly in his train, carrying a parcel of school-books. Colonel Grim and + his wife, divining the teacher’s intention, agreed that it was a great + outrage, but they did not mention the matter to Ralph. Henceforth, + however, the boy refused to be accompanied by his servant. A week later he + was impudent to the teacher of gymnastics, who whipped him in return. The + Colonel’s rage knew no bounds; he rode in great haste to the gymnasium, + reviled the teacher for presuming to chastise <i>his</i> son, and + committed the boy to the care of a private tutor. + </p> + <p> + At the age of sixteen, Ralph went to the capital with the intention of + entering the Military Academy. He was a tall, handsome youth, slender of + stature, and carried himself as erect as a candle. He had a light, clear + complexion of almost feminine delicacy; blond, curly hair, which he always + kept carefully brushed; a low forehead, and a straight, finely modeled + nose. There was an expression of extreme sensitiveness about the nostrils, + and a look of indolence in the dark-blue eyes. But the <i>ensemble</i> of + his features was pleasing, his dress irreproachable, and his manners bore + no trace of the awkward self-consciousness peculiar to his age. + Immediately on his arrival in the capital he hired a suite of rooms in the + aristocratic part of the city, and furnished them rather expensively, but + in excellent taste. From a bosom friend, whom he met by accident in the + restaurant’s pavilion in the park, he learned that a pair of antlers, a + stuffed eagle, or falcon, and a couple of swords, were indispensable to a + well-appointed apartment. He accordingly bought these articles at a + curiosity shop. During the first weeks of his residence in the city he + made some feeble efforts to perfect himself in mathematics, in which he + suspected he was somewhat deficient. But when the same officious friend + laughed at him, and called him “green,” he determined to trust to fortune, + and henceforth devoted himself the more assiduously to the French ballet, + where he had already made some interesting acquaintances. + </p> + <p> + The time for the examination came; the French ballet did not prove a good + preparation; Ralph failed. It quite shook him for the time, and he felt + humiliated. He had not the courage to tell his father; so he lingered on + from day to day, sat vacantly gazing out of his window, and tried vainly + to interest himself in the busy bustle down on the street. It provoked him + that everybody else should be so light-hearted, when he was, or at least + fancied himself, in trouble. The parlor grew intolerable; he sought refuge + in his bedroom. There he sat one evening (it was the third day after the + examination), and stared out upon the gray stone walls which on all sides + inclosed the narrow courtyard. The round stupid face of the moon stood + tranquilly dozing like a great Limburger cheese suspended under the sky. + </p> + <p> + Ralph, at least, could think of a no more fitting simile. But the + bright-eyed young girl in the window hard by sent a longing look up to the + same moon, and thought of her distant home on the fjords, where the + glaciers stood like hoary giants, and caught the yellow moonbeams on their + glittering shields of snow. She had been reading “Ivanhoe” all the + afternoon, until the twilight had overtaken her quite unaware, and now she + suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to write her German exercise. + She lifted her face and saw a pair of sad, vacant eyes gazing at her from + the next window in the angle of the court She was a little startled at + first, but in the next moment she thought of her German exercise and took + heart. + </p> + <p> + “Do you know German?” she said; then immediately repented that she had + said it. + </p> + <p> + “I do,” was the answer. + </p> + <p> + She took up her apron and began to twist it with an air of embarrassment. + </p> + <p> + “I didn’t mean anything,” she whispered, at last. “I only wanted to know.” + </p> + <p> + “You are very kind.” + </p> + <p> + That answer roused her; he was evidently making sport of her. + </p> + <p> + “Well, then, if you do, you may write my exercise for me. I have marked + the place in the book.” + </p> + <p> + And she flung her book over to the window, and he caught it on the edge of + the sill, just as it was falling. + </p> + <p> + “You are a very strange girl,” he remarked, turning over the leaves of the + book, although it was too dark to read. “How old are you?” + </p> + <p> + “I shall be fourteen six weeks before Christmas,” answered she, frankly. + </p> + <p> + “Then I excuse you.” + </p> + <p> + “No, indeed,” cried she, vehemently. “You needn’t excuse me at all. If you + don’t want to write my exercise, you may send the book back again. I am + very sorry I spoke to you, and I shall never do it again.” + </p> + <p> + “But you will not get the book back again without the exercise,” replied + he, quietly. “Good-night.” + </p> + <p> + The girl stood long looking after him, hoping that he would return. Then, + with a great burst of repentance, she hid her face in her lap, and began + to cry. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear, I didn’t mean to be rude,” she sobbed. “But it was Ivanhoe and + Rebecca who upset me.” + </p> + <p> + The next morning she was up before daylight, and waited for two long hours + in great suspense before the curtain of his window was raised. He greeted + her politely; threw a hasty glance around the court to see if he was + observed, and then tossed her book dexterously over into her hands. + </p> + <p> + “I have pinned the written exercise to the flyleaf,” he said. “You will + probably have time to copy it before breakfast.” + </p> + <p> + “I am ever so much obliged to you,” she managed to stammer. + </p> + <p> + He looked so tall and handsome, and grown-up, and her remorse stuck in her + throat, and threatened to choke her. She had taken him for a boy as he sat + there in his window the evening before. + </p> + <p> + “By the way, what is your name?” he asked, carelessly, as he turned to go. + </p> + <p> + “Bertha.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, my dear Bertha, I am happy to have made your acquaintance.” + </p> + <p> + And he again made her a polite bow, and entered his parlor. + </p> + <p> + “How provokingly familiar he is,” thought she; “but no one can deny that + he is handsome.” + </p> + <p> + The bright roguish face of the young girl haunted Ralph during the whole + next week. He had been in love at least ten times before, of course; but, + like most boys, with young ladies far older than himself. He found himself + frequently glancing over to her window in the hope of catching another + glimpse of her face; but the curtain was always drawn down, and Bertha + remained invisible. During the second week, however, she relented, and + they had many a pleasant chat together. He now volunteered to write all + her exercises, and she made no objections. He learned that she was the + daughter of a well-to-do peasant in the sea-districts of Norway (and it + gave him quite a shock to hear it), and that she was going to school in + the city, and boarded with an old lady who kept a <i>pension</i> in the + house adjoining the one in which he lived. + </p> + <p> + One day in the autumn Ralph was surprised by the sudden arrival of his + father, and the fact of his failure in the examination could no longer be + kept a secret. The old Colonel flared up at once when Ralph made his + confession; the large veins upon his forehead swelled; he grew coppery-red + in his face, and stormed up and down the floor, until his son became + seriously alarmed; but, to his great relief, he was soon made aware that + his father’s wrath was not turned against him personally, but against the + officials of the Military Academy who had rejected him. The Colonel took + it as insult to his own good name and irreproachable standing as an + officer; he promptly refused any other explanation, and vainly racked his + brain to remember if any youthful folly of his could possibly have made + him enemies among the teachers of the Academy. He at last felt satisfied + that it was envy of his own greatness and rapid advancement which had + induced the rascals to take vengeance on his son. Ralph reluctantly + followed his father back to the country town where the latter was + stationed, and the fair-haired Bertha vanished from his horizon. His + mother’s wish now prevailed, and he began, in his own easy way, to prepare + himself for the University. He had little taste for Cicero, and still less + for Virgil, but with the use of a “pony” he soon gained sufficient + knowledge of these authors to be able to talk in a sort of patronizing way + about them, to the great delight of his fond parents. He took quite a + fancy, however, to the ode in Horace ending with the lines: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Dolce ridentem, + Dulce loqucntem, + Lalagen amabo. +</pre> + <p> + And in his thought he substituted for Lalage the fair-haired Bertha, quite + regardless of the requirements of the metre. + </p> + <p> + To make a long story short, three years later Ralph returned to the + capital, and, after having worn out several tutors, actually succeeded in + entering the University. + </p> + <p> + The first year of college life is a happy time to every young man, and + Ralph enjoyed its processions, its parliamentary gatherings, and its + leisure, as well as the rest. He was certainly not the man to be + sentimental over the loss of a young girl whom, moreover, he had only + known for a few weeks. Nevertheless, he thought of her at odd times, but + not enough to disturb his pleasure. The standing of his family, his own + handsome appearance, and his immaculate linen opened to him the best + houses of the city, and he became a great favorite in society. At lectures + he was seldom seen, but more frequently in the theatres, where he used to + come in during the middle of the first act, take his station in front of + the orchestra box, and eye, through his lorgnette, by turns, the actresses + and the ladies of the parquet. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + II + </h2> + <p> + Two months passed, and then came the great annual ball which the students + give at the opening of the second semester. Ralph was a man of importance + that evening; first, because he belonged to a great family; secondly, + because he was the handsomest man of his year. He wore a large golden star + on his breast (for his fellow-students had made him a Knight of the Golden + Boar) and a badge of colored ribbons in his buttonhole. + </p> + <p> + The ball was a brilliant affair, and everybody was in excellent spirits, + especially the ladies. Ralph danced incessantly, twirled his soft + mustache, and uttered amiable platitudes. It was toward midnight, just as + the company was moving out to supper, that he caught the glance of a pair + of dark-blue eyes, which suddenly drove the blood to his cheeks and + hastened the beating of his heart. But when he looked once more the + dark-blue eyes were gone, and his unruly heart went on hammering against + his side. He laid his hand on his breast and glanced furtively at his fair + neighbor, but she looked happy and unconcerned, for the flavor of the ice + cream was delicious. It seemed an endless meal, but, when it was done, + Ralph rose, led his partner back to the ballroom, and hastily excused + himself. His glance wandered round the wide hall, seeking the + well-remembered eyes once more, and, at length, finding them in a remote + corner, half hid behind a moving wall of promenaders. In another moment he + was at Bertha’s side. + </p> + <p> + “You must have been purposely hiding yourself, Miss Bertha,” said he, when + the usual greetings were exchanged. “I have not caught a glimpse of you + all this evening, until a few moments ago.” + </p> + <p> + “But I have seen you all the while,” answered the girl, frankly. “I knew + you at once as I entered the hall.” + </p> + <p> + “If I had but known that you were here,” resumed Ralph, as it were + invisibly expanding with an agreeable sense of dignity, “I assure you you + would have been the very first one I should have sought.” + </p> + <p> + She raised her large grave eyes to his, as if questioning his sincerity; + but she made no answer. + </p> + <p> + “Good gracious!” thought Ralph. “She takes things terribly in earnest.” + </p> + <p> + “You look so serious, Miss Bertha,” said he, after a moment’s pause. “I + remember you as a bright-eyed, flaxen-haired little girl, who threw her + German exercise-book to me across the yard, and whose merry laughter still + rings pleasantly in my memory, I confess I don’t find it quite easy to + identify this grave young lady with my merry friend of three years ago.” + </p> + <p> + “In other words, you are disappointed at not finding me the same as I used + to be.” + </p> + <p> + “No, not exactly that; but—” + </p> + <p> + Ralph paused and looked puzzled. There was something in the earnestness of + her manner which made a facetious compliment seem grossly inappropriate, + and in the moment no other escape suggested itself. + </p> + <p> + “But what?” demanded Bertha, mercilessly. + </p> + <p> + “Have you ever lost an old friend?” asked he, abruptly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes; how so?” + </p> + <p> + “Then,” answered he, while his features lighted up with a happy + inspiration—“then you will appreciate my situation. I fondly + cherished my old picture of you in my memory. Now I have lost it, and I + can not help regretting the loss. I do not mean, however, to imply that + this new acquaintance—this second edition of yourself, so to speak—will + prove less interesting.” + </p> + <p> + She again sent him a grave, questioning look, and began to gaze intently + upon the stone in her bracelet. + </p> + <p> + “I suppose you will laugh at me,” began she, while a sudden blush flitted + over her countenance. “But this is my first ball, and I feel as if I had + rushed into a whirlpool, from which I have, since the first rash plunge + was made, been vainly trying to escape. I feel so dreadfully forlorn. I + hardly know anybody here except my cousin, who invited me, and I hardly + think I know him either.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, since you are irredeemably committed,” replied Ralph, as the music, + after some prefatory flourishes, broke into the delicious rhythm of a + Strauss waltz, “then it is no use struggling against fate. Come, let us + make the plunge together. Misery loves company.” + </p> + <p> + He offered her his arm, and she rose, somewhat hesitatingly, and followed. + </p> + <p> + “I am afraid,” she whispered, as they fell into line with the procession + that was moving down the long hall, “that you have asked me to dance + merely because I said I felt forlorn. If that is the case, I should prefer + to be led back to my seat.” + </p> + <p> + “What a base imputation!” cried Ralph. + </p> + <p> + There was something so charmingly <i>naive</i> in this self-depreciation—something + so altogether novel in his experience, and, he could not help adding, just + a little bit countrified. His spirits rose; he began to relish keenly his + position as an experienced man of the world, and, in the agreeable glow of + patronage and conscious superiority, chatted with hearty <i>abandon</i> + with his little rustic beauty. + </p> + <p> + “If your dancing is as perfect as your German exercises were,” said she, + laughing, as they swung out upon the floor, “then I promise myself a good + deal of pleasure from our meeting.” + </p> + <p> + “Never fear,” answered he, quickly reversing his step, and whirling with + many a capricious turn away among the thronging couples. + </p> + <p> + When Ralph drove home in his carriage toward morning he briefly summed up + his impressions of Bertha in the following adjectives: intelligent, + delightfully unsophisticated, a little bit verdant, but devilish pretty. + </p> + <p> + Some weeks later Colonel Grim received an appointment at the fortress of + Aggershuus, and immediately took up his residence in the capital. He saw + that his son cut a fine figure in the highest circles of society, and + expressed his gratification in the most emphatic terms. If he had known, + however, that Ralph was in the habit of visiting, with alarming + regularity, at the house of a plebeian merchant in a somewhat obscure + street, he would, no doubt, have been more chary of his praise. But the + Colonel suspected nothing, and it was well for the peace of the family + that he did not. It may have been cowardice in Ralph that he never + mentioned Bertha’s name to his family or to his aristocratic + acquaintances; for, to be candid, he himself felt ashamed of the power she + exerted over him, and by turns pitied and ridiculed himself for pursuing + so inglorious a conquest. Nevertheless it wounded his egotism that she + never showed any surprise at seeing him, that she received him with with a + certain frank unceremoniousness, which, however, was very becoming to her; + that she invariably went on with her work heedless of his presence, and in + everything treated him as if she had been his equal. She persisted in + talking with him in a half sisterly fashion about his studies and his + future career, warned him with great solicitude against some of his + reprobate friends, of whose merry adventures he had told her; and if he + ventured to compliment her on her beauty or her accomplishments, she would + look up gravely from her sewing, or answer him in a way which seemed to + banish the idea of love-making into the land of the impossible. He was + constantly tormented by the suspicion that she secretly disapproved of + him, and that from a mere moral interest in his welfare she was + conscientiously laboring to make him a better man. Day after day he parted + from her feeling humiliated, faint-hearted, and secretly indignant both at + himself and her, and day after day he returned only to renew the same + experience. At last it became too intolerable, he could endure it no + longer. Let it make or break, certainty, at all risks, was at least + preferable to this sickening suspense. That he loved her, he could no + longer doubt; let his parents foam and fret as much as they pleased; for + once he was going to stand on his own legs. And in the end, he thought, + they would have to yield, for they had no son but him. + </p> + <p> + Bertha was going to return to her home on the sea-coast in a week. Ralph + stood in the little low-ceiled parlor, as she imagined, to bid her + good-by. They had been speaking of her father, her brothers, and the farm, + and she had expressed the wish that if he ever should come to that part of + the country he might pay them a visit. Her words had kindled a vague hope + in his breast, but in their very frankness and friendly regard there was + something which slew the hope they had begotten. He held her hand in his, + and her large confiding eyes shone with an emotion which was beautiful, + but was yet not love. + </p> + <p> + “If you were but a peasant born like myself,” said she, in a voice which + sounded almost tender, “then I should like to talk to you as I would to my + own brother; but—” + </p> + <p> + “No, not brother, Bertha,” cried he, with sudden vehemence; “I love you + better than I ever loved any earthly being, and if you knew how firmly + this love has clutched at the roots of my heart, you would perhaps—you + would at least not look so reproachfully at me.” + </p> + <p> + She dropped his hand, and stood for a moment silent. + </p> + <p> + “I am sorry that it should have come to this, Mr. Grim,” said she, visibly + struggling for calmness. “And I am perhaps more to blame than you.” + </p> + <p> + “Blame,” muttered he, “why are you to blame?” + </p> + <p> + “Because I do not love you; although I sometimes feared that this might + come. But then again I persuaded myself that it could not be so.” + </p> + <p> + He took a step toward the door, laid his hand on the knob, and gazed down + before him. + </p> + <p> + “Bertha,” began he, slowly, raising his head, “you have always disapproved + of me, you have despised me in your heart, but you thought you would be + doing a good work if you succeeded in making a man of me.” + </p> + <p> + “You use strong language,” answered she, hesitatingly; “but there is truth + in what you say.” + </p> + <p> + Again there was a long pause, in which the ticking of the old parlor clock + grew louder and louder. + </p> + <p> + “Then,” he broke out at last, “tell me before we part if I can do nothing + to gain—I will not say your love—but only your regard? What + would you do if you were in my place?” + </p> + <p> + “My advice you will hardly heed, and I do not even know that it would be + well if you did. But if I were a man in your position, I should break with + my whole past, start out into the world where nobody knew me, and where I + should be dependent only upon my own strength, and there I would conquer a + place for myself, if it were only for the satisfaction of knowing that I + was really a man. Here cushions are sewed under your arms, a hundred + invisible threads bind you to a life of idleness and vanity, everybody is + ready to carry you on his hands, the road is smoothed for you, every stone + carefully moved out of your path, and you will probably go to your grave + without having ever harbored one earnest thought, without having done one + manly deed.” + </p> + <p> + Ralph stood transfixed, gazing at her with open mouth; he felt a kind of + stupid fright, as if some one had suddenly seized him by the shoulders and + shaken him violently. He tried vainly to remove his eyes from Bertha. She + held him as by a powerful spell. He saw that her face was lighted with an + altogether new beauty; he noticed the deep glow upon her cheek, the + brilliancy of her eye, the slight quiver of her lip. But he saw all this + as one sees things in a half-trance, without attempting to account for + them; the door between his soul and his senses was closed. + </p> + <p> + “I know that I have been bold in speaking to you in this way,” she said at + last, seating herself in a chair at the window. “But it was yourself who + asked me. And I have felt all the time that I should have to tell you this + before we parted.” + </p> + <p> + “And,” answered he, making a strong effort to appear calm, “if I follow + your advice, will you allow me to see you once more before you go?” + </p> + <p> + “I shall remain here another week, and shall, during that time, always be + ready to receive you.” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you. Good-by.” + </p> + <p> + “Good-by.” + </p> + <p> + Ralph carefully avoided all the fashionable thoroughfares; he felt + degraded before himself, and he had an idea that every man could read his + humiliation in his countenance. Now he walked on quickly, striking the + sidewalk with his heels; now, again, he fell into an uneasy, reckless + saunter, according as the changing moods in’ spired defiance of his + sentence, or a qualified surrender. And, as he walked on, the bitterness + grew within him, and he piteously reviled himself for having allowed + himself to be made a fool of by “that little country goose,” when he was + well aware that there were hundreds of women of the best families of the + land who would feel honored at receiving his attentions. But this sort of + reasoning he knew to be both weak and contemptible, and his better self + soon rose in loud rebellion. + </p> + <p> + “After all,” he muttered, “in the main thing she was right. I am a + miserable good-for-nothing, a hothouse plant, a poor stick, and if I were + a woman myself, I don’t think I should waste my affections on a man of + that calibre.” + </p> + <p> + Then he unconsciously fell to analyzing Bertha’s character, wondering + vaguely that a person who moved so timidly in social life, appearing so + diffident, from an ever-present fear of blundering against the established + forms of etiquette, could judge so quickly, and with such a merciless + certainty, whenever a moral question, a question of right and wrong, was + at issue. And, pursuing the same train of thought, he contrasted her with + himself, who moved in the highest spheres of society as in his native + element, heedless of moral scruples, and conscious of no loftier motive + for his actions than the immediate pleasure of the moment. + </p> + <p> + As Ralph turned the corner of a street, he heard himself hailed from the + other sidewalk by a chorus of merry voices. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, my dear Baroness,” cried a young man, springing across the street and + grasping Ralph’s hand (all his student friends called him the Baroness), + “in the name of this illustrious company, allow me to salute you. But why + the deuce—what is the matter with you? If you have the <i>Katzenjammer</i>* + soda-water is the thing. Come along—it’s my treat!” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * <i>Katzenjammer</i> is the sensation a man has the morning + after a carousal. +</pre> + <p> + The students instantly thronged around Ralph, who stood distractedly + swinging his cane and smiling idiotically. + </p> + <p> + “I am not quite well,” said he; “leave me alone.” + </p> + <p> + “No, to be sure, you don’t look well,” cried a jolly youth, against whom + Bertha had frequently warned him; “but a glass of sherry will soon restore + you. It would be highly immoral to leave you in this condition without + taking care of you.” + </p> + <p> + Ralph again vainly tried to remonstrate; but the end was, that he + reluctantly followed. + </p> + <p> + He had always been a conspicuous figure in the student world; but that + night he astonished his friends by his eloquence, his reckless humor, and + his capacity for drinking. He made a speech for “Woman,” which bristled + with wit, cynicism, and sarcastic epigrams. One young man, named Vinter, + who was engaged, undertook to protest against his sweeping condemnation, + and declared that Ralph, who was a universal favorite among the ladies, + ought to be the last to revile them. + </p> + <p> + “If,” he went on, “the Baroness should propose to six well-known ladies + here in this city whom I could mention, I would wager six Johannisbergers, + and an equal amount of champagne, that every one of them would accept + him.” + </p> + <p> + The others loudly applauded this proposal, and Ralph accepted the wager. + The letters were written on the spot, and immediately despatched. Toward + morning, the merry carousal broke up, and Ralph was conducted in triumph + to his home. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + III + </h2> + <p> + Two days later, Ralph again knocked on Bertha’s door. He looked paler than + usual, almost haggard; his immaculate linen was a little crumpled, and he + carried no cane; his lips were tightly compressed, and his face wore an + air of desperate resolution. + </p> + <p> + “It is done,” he said, as he seated himself opposite her. “I am going.” + </p> + <p> + “Going!” cried she, startled at his unusual appearance. “How, where?” + </p> + <p> + “To America. I sail to-night. I have followed your advice, you see. I have + cut off the last bridge behind me.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Ralph,” she exclaimed, in a voice of alarm. “Something dreadful must + have happened. Tell me quick; I must know it.” + </p> + <p> + “No; nothing dreadful,” muttered he, smiling bitterly. “I have made a + little scandal, that is all. My father told me to-day to go to the devil, + if I chose, and my mother gave me five hundred dollars to help me along on + the way. If you wish to know, here is the explanation.” + </p> + <p> + And he pulled from his pocket six perfumed and carefully folded notes, and + threw them into her lap. + </p> + <p> + “Do you wish me to read them?” she asked, with growing surprise. + </p> + <p> + “Certainly. Why not?” + </p> + <p> + She hastily opened one note after the other, and read. + </p> + <p> + “But, Ralph,” she cried, springing up from her seat, while her eyes flamed + with indignation, “what does this mean? What have you done?” + </p> + <p> + “I didn’t think it needed any explanation,” replied he, with feigned + indifference. “I proposed to them all, and, you see, they all accepted me. + I received all these letters to-day. I only wished to know whether the + whole world regarded me as such a worthless scamp as you told me I was.” + </p> + <p> + She did not answer, but sat mutely staring at him, fiercely crumpling a + rose-colored note in her hand. He began to feel uncomfortable under her + gaze, and threw himself about uneasily in his chair. + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said he, at length, rising, “I suppose there is nothing more. + Good-by.” + </p> + <p> + “One moment, Mr. Grim,” demanded she, sternly. “Since I have already said + so much, and you have obligingly revealed to me a new side of your + character, I claim the right to correct the opinion I expressed of you at + our last meeting.” + </p> + <p> + “I am all attention.” + </p> + <p> + “I did think, Mr. Grim,” began she, breathing hard, and steadying herself + against the table at which she stood, “that you were a very selfish man—an + embodiment of selfishness, absolute and supreme, but I did not believe + that you were wicked.” + </p> + <p> + “And what convinced you that I was selfish, if I may ask?” + </p> + <p> + “What convinced me?” repeated she, in a tone of inexpressible contempt. + “When did you ever act from any generous regard for others? What good did + you ever do to anybody?” + </p> + <p> + “You might ask, with equal justice, what good I ever did to myself.” + </p> + <p> + “In a certain sense, yes; because to gratify a mere momentary wish is + hardly doing one’s self good.” + </p> + <p> + “Then I have, at all events, followed the Biblical precept, and treated my + neighbor very much as I treat myself.” + </p> + <p> + “I did think,” continued Bertha, without heeding the remark, “that you + were at bottom kind-hearted, but too hopelessly well-bred ever to commit + an act of any decided complexion, either good or bad. Now I see that I + have misjudged you, and that you are capable of outraging the most sacred + feelings of a woman’s heart in mere wantonness, or for the sake of + satisfying a base curiosity, which never could have entered the mind of an + upright and generous man.” + </p> + <p> + The hard, benumbed look in Ralph’s face thawed in the warmth of her + presence, and her words, though stern, touched a secret spring in his + heart. He made two or three vain attempts to speak, then suddenly broke + down, and cried: + </p> + <p> + “Bertha, Bertha, even if you scorn me, have patience with me, and listen.” + </p> + <p> + And he told her, in rapid, broken sentences, how his love for her had + grown from day to day, until he could no longer master it; and how, in an + unguarded moment, when his pride rose in fierce conflict against his love, + he had done this reckless deed of which he was now heartily ashamed. The + fervor of his words touched her, for she felt that they were sincere. + Large mute tears trembled in her eyelashes as she sat gazing tenderly at + him, and in the depth of her soul the wish awoke that she might have been + able to return this great and strong love of his; for she felt that in + this love lay the germ of a new, of a stronger and better man. She + noticed, with a half-regretful pleasure, his handsome figure, his + delicately shaped hands, and the noble cast of his features; an + overwhelming pity for him rose within her, and she began to reproach + herself for having spoken so harshly, and, as she now thought, so + unjustly. Perhaps he read in her eyes the unspoken wish. He seized her + hand, and his words fell with a warm and alluring cadence upon her ear. + </p> + <p> + “I shall not see you for a long time to come, Bertha,” said he, “but if at + the end of five or six years your hand is still free, and I return another + man—a man to whom you could safely intrust your happiness—would + you then listen to what I may have to say to you? For I promise, by all + that we both hold sacred—” + </p> + <p> + “No, no,” interrupted she, hastily. “Promise nothing. It would be unjust + to yourself, and perhaps also to me; for a sacred promise is a terrible + thing, Ralph. Let us both remain free; and, if you return and still love + me, then come, and I shall receive you and listen to you. And even if you + have outgrown your love, which is, indeed, more probable, come still to + visit me wherever I may be, and we shall meet as friends and rejoice in + the meeting.” + </p> + <p> + “You know best,” he murmured. “Let it be as you have said.” + </p> + <p> + He arose, took her face between his hands, gazed long and tenderly into + her eyes, pressed a kiss upon her forehead, and hastened away. + </p> + <p> + That night Ralph boarded the steamer for Hull, and three weeks later + landed in New York. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IV + </h2> + <p> + The first three months of Ralph’s sojourn in America were spent in vain + attempts to obtain a situation. Day after day he walked down Broadway, + calling at various places of business, and night after night he returned + to his cheerless room with a faint heart and declining spirits. It was, + after all, a more serious thing than he had imagined, to cut the cable + which binds one to the land of one’s birth. There a hundred subtile + influences, the existence of which no one suspects until the moment they + are withdrawn, unite to keep one in the straight path of rectitude, or at + least of external respectability; and Ralph’s life had been all in + society; the opinion of his fellow-men had been the one force to which he + implicitly deferred, and the conscience by which he had been wont to test + his actions had been nothing but the aggregate judgment of his friends. To + such a man the isolation and the utter irresponsibility of a life among + strangers was tenfold more dangerous; and Ralph found, to his horror, that + his character contained innumerable latent possibilities which the + easy-going life in his home probably never would have revealed to him. It + often cut him to the quick, when, on entering an office in his daily + search for employment, he was met by hostile or suspicious glances, or + when, as it occasionally happened, the door was slammed in his face, as if + he were a vagabond or an impostor. Then the wolf was often roused within + him, and he felt a momentary wild desire to become what the people here + evidently believed him to be. Many a night he sauntered irresolutely about + the gambling places in obscure streets, and the glare of light, the rude + shouts and clamors in the same moment repelled and attracted him. If he + went to the devil, who would care? His father had himself pointed out the + way to him; and nobody could blame him if he followed the advice. But then + again a memory emerged from that chamber of his soul which still he held + sacred; and Bertha’s deep-blue eyes gazed upon him with their earnest look + of tender warning and regret. + </p> + <p> + When the summer was half gone, Ralph had gained many a hard victory over + himself, and learned many a useful lesson; and at length he swallowed his + pride, divested himself of his fine clothes, and accepted a position as + assistant gardener at a villa on the Hudson. And as he stood perspiring + with a spade in his hand, and a cheap broad-brimmed straw hat on his head, + he often took a grim pleasure in picturing to himself how his aristocratic + friends at home would receive him if he should introduce himself to them + in this new costume. + </p> + <p> + “After all, it was only my position they cared for,” he reflected, + bitterly; “without my father’s name what would I be to them?” + </p> + <p> + Then, again, there was a certain satisfaction in knowing that, for his + present situation, humble as it was, he was indebted to nobody but + himself; and the thought that Bertha’s eyes, if they could have seen him + now, would have dwelt upon him with pleasure and approbation, went far to + console him for his aching back, his sunburned face, and his swollen and + blistered hands. + </p> + <p> + One day, as Ralph was raking the gravel-walks in the garden, his + employer’s daughter, a young lady of seventeen, came out and spoke to him. + His culture and refinement of manner struck her with wonder, and she asked + him to tell her his history; but then he suddenly grew very grave, and she + forbore pressing him. From that time she attached a kind of romantic + interest to him, and finally induced her father to obtain him a situation + that would be more to his taste. And, before winter came, Ralph saw the + dawn of a new future glimmering before him. He had wrestled bravely with + fate, and had once more gained a victory. He began the career in which + success and distinction awaited him as proofreader on a newspaper in the + city. He had fortunately been familiar with the English language before he + left home, and by the strength of his will he conquered all difficulties. + At the end of two years he became attached to the editorial staff; new + ambitious hopes, hitherto foreign to his mind, awoke within him; and with + joyous tumult of heart he saw life opening its wide vistas before him, and + he labored on manfully to repair the losses of the past, and to prepare + himself for greater usefulness in times to come. He felt in himself a + stronger and fuller manhood, as if the great arteries of the vast + universal world-life pulsed in his own being. The drowsy, indolent + existence at home appeared like a dull remote dream from which he had + awaked, and he blessed the destiny which, by its very sternness, had + mercifully saved him; he blessed her, too, who, from the very want of love + for him, had, perhaps, made him worthier of love. + </p> + <p> + The years flew rapidly. Society had flung its doors open to him, and what + was more, he had found some warm friends, in whose houses he could come + and go at pleasure. He enjoyed keenly the privilege of daily association + with high-minded and refined women; their eager activity of intellect + stimulated him, their exquisite ethereal grace and their delicately + chiseled beauty satisfied his æsthetic cravings, and the responsive + vivacity of their nature prepared him ever new surprises. He felt a + strange fascination in the presence of these women, and the conviction + grew upon him that their type of womanhood was superior to any he had + hitherto known. And by way of refuting his own argument, he would draw + from his pocketbook the photograph of Bertha, which had a secret + compartment there all to itself, and, gazing tenderly at it, would eagerly + defend her against the disparaging reflections which the involuntary + comparison had provoked. And still, how could he help seeing that her + features, though well molded, lacked animation; that her eye, with its + deep, trustful glance, was not brilliant, and that the calm earnestness of + her face, when compared with the bright, intellectual beauty of his + present friends, appeared pale and simple, like a violet in a bouquet of + vividly colored roses? It gave him a quick pang, when, at times, he was + forced to admit this; nevertheless, it was the truth. + </p> + <p> + After six years of residence in America, Ralph had gained a very high + reputation as a journalist of rare culture and ability, and in 1867 he was + sent to the World’s Exhibition in Paris, as correspondent of the paper on + which he had during all these years been employed. What wonder, then, that + he started for Europe a few weeks before his presence was needed in the + imperial city, and that he steered his course directly toward the fjord + valley where Bertha had her home? It was she who had bidden him Godspeed + when he fled from the land of his birth, and she, too, should receive his + first greeting on his return. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + V + </h2> + <p> + The sun had fortified itself behind a citadel of flaming clouds, and the + upper forest region shone with a strange ethereal glow, while the lower + plains were wrapped in shadow; but the shadow itself had a strong + suffusion of color. The mountain peaks rose cold and blue in the distance. + </p> + <p> + Ralph, having inquired his way of the boatman who had landed him at the + pier, walked rapidly along the beach, with a small valise in his hand, and + a light summer overcoat flung over his shoulder. Many half-thoughts grazed + his mind, and ere the first had taken shape, the second and the third came + and chased it away. And still they all in some fashion had reference to + Bertha; for in a misty, abstract way, she filled his whole mind; but for + some indefinable reason, he was afraid to give free rein to the sentiment + which lurked in the remoter corners of his soul. + </p> + <p> + Onward he hastened, while his heart throbbed with the quickening tempo of + mingled expectation and fear. Now and then one of those chill gusts of + air, which seem to be careering about aimlessly in the atmosphere during + early summer, would strike into his face, and recal! him to a keener + self-consciousness. + </p> + <p> + Ralph concluded, from his increasing agitation, that he must be very near + Bertha’s home. He stopped and looked around him. He saw a large maple at + the roadside, some thirty steps from where he was standing, and the girl + who was sitting under it, resting her head in her hand and gazing out over + the sea, he recognized in an instant to be Bertha. He sprang up on the + road, not crossing, however, her line of vision, and approached her + noiselessly from behind. + </p> + <p> + “Bertha,” he whispered. + </p> + <p> + She gave a little joyous cry, sprang up, and made a gesture as if to throw + herself in his arms; then suddenly checked herself, blushed crimson, and + moved a step backward. + </p> + <p> + “You came so suddenly,” she murmured. + </p> + <p> + “But, Bertha,” cried he (and the full bass of his voice rang through her + very soul), “have I gone into exile and waited these many years for so + cold a welcome?” + </p> + <p> + “You have changed so much, Ralph,” she answered, with that old grave smile + which he knew so well, and stretched out both her hands toward him. “And I + have thought of you so much since you went away, and blamed myself because + I had judged you so harshly, and wondered that you could listen to me so + patiently, and never bear me any malice for what I said.” + </p> + <p> + “If you had said a word less,” declared Ralph, seating himself at her side + on the greensward, “or if you had varnished it over with politeness, then + you would probably have failed to produce any effect and I should not have + been burdened with that heavy debt of gratitude which I now owe you. I was + a pretty thick-skinned animal in those days, Bertha. You said the right + word at the right moment; you gave me a bold and a good piece of advice, + which my own ingenuity would never have suggested to me. I will not thank + you, because, in so grave a case as this, spoken thanks sound like a mere + mockery. Whatever I am, Bertha, and whatever I may hope to be, I owe it + all to that hour.” + </p> + <p> + She listened with rapture to the manly assurance of his voice; her eyes + dwelt with unspeakable joy upon his strong, bronzed features, his full + thick blond beard, and the vigorous proportions of his frame. Many and + many a time during his absence had she wondered how he would look if he + ever came back, and with that minute conscientiousness which, as it were, + pervaded her whole character, she had held herself responsible before God + for his fate, prayed for him, and trembled lest evil powers should gain + the ascendency over his soul. + </p> + <p> + On their way to the house they talked together of many things, but in a + guarded, cautious fashion, and without the cheerful abandonment of former + years. They both, as it were, groped their way carefully in each other’s + minds, and each vaguely felt that there was something in the other’s + thought which it was not well to touch unbidden. Bertha saw that all her + fears for him had been groundless, and his very appearance lifted the + whole weight of responsibility from her breast; and still, did she rejoice + at her deliverance from her burden? Ah, no; in this moment she knew that + that which she had foolishly cherished as the best and noblest part of + herself had been but a selfish need of her own heart. She feared that she + had only taken that interest in him which one feels in a thing of one’s + own making, and now, when she saw that he had risen quite above her; that + he was free and strong, and could have no more need of her, she had, + instead of generous pleasure at his success, but a painful sense of + emptiness, as if something very dear had been taken from her. + </p> + <p> + Ralph, too, was loth to analyze the impression his old love made upon him. + His feelings were of so complex a nature, he was anxious to keep his more + magnanimous impulses active, and he strove hard to convince himself that + she was still the same to him as she had been before they had ever parted. + But, alas! though the heart be warm and generous, the eye is a merciless + critic. And the man who had moved on the wide arena of the world, whose + mind had housed the large thoughts of this century, and expanded with its + invigorating breath—was he to blame because he had unconsciously + outgrown his old provincial self, and could no more judge by its + standards? + </p> + <p> + Bertha’s father was a peasant, but he had, by his lumber trade, acquired + what in Norway was called a very handsome fortune. He received his guest + with dignified reserve, and Ralph thought he detected in his eyes a + lurking look of distrust. “I know your errand,” that look seemed to say, + “but you had better give it up at once. It will be of no use for you to + try.” + </p> + <p> + And after supper, as Ralph and Bertha sat talking confidingly with each + other at the window, he sent his daughter a quick, sharp glance, and then, + without ceremony, commanded her to go to bed. Ralph’s heart gave a great + thump within him; not because he feared the old man, but because his + words, as well as his glances, revealed to him the sad history of these + long, patient years. He doubted no longer that the love which he had once + so ardently desired was his at last; and he made a silent vow that, come + what might, he would remain faithful. + </p> + <p> + As he came down to breakfast the next morning, he found Bertha sitting at + the window, engaged in hemming what appeared to be a rough kitchen towel. + She bent eagerly over her work, and only a vivid flush upon her cheek told + him that she had noticed his coming. He took a chair, seated himself + opposite her, and bade her “good-morning.” She raised her head, and showed + him a sweet, troubled countenance, which the early sunlight illumined with + a high spiritual beauty. It reminded him forcibly of those pale, + sweet-faced saints of Fra Angelico, with whom the frail flesh seems ever + on the point of yielding to the ardent aspirations of the spirit. And + still even in this moment he could not prevent his eyes from observing + that one side of her forefinger was rough from sewing, and that the + whiteness of her arm, which the loose sleeves displayed, contrasted + strongly with the browned and sunburned complexion of her hands. + </p> + <p> + After breakfast they again walked together on the beach, and Ralph, having + once formed his resolution, now talked freely of the New World—of + his sphere of activity there; of his friends and of his plans for the + future; and she listened to him with a mild, perplexed look in her eyes, + as if trying vainly to follow the flight of his thoughts. And he wondered, + with secret dismay, whether she was still the same strong, brave-hearted + girl whom he had once accounted almost bold; whether the life in this + narrow valley, amid a hundred petty and depressing cares, had not cramped + her spiritual growth, and narrowed the sphere of her thought. Or was she + still the same, and was it only he who had changed? At last he gave + utterance to his wonder, and she answered him in those grave, earnest + tones which seemed in themselves to be half a refutation of his doubts. + </p> + <p> + “It was easy for me to give you daring advice then, Ralph,” she said. + “Like most school-girls, I thought that life was a great and glorious + thing, and that happiness was a fruit which hung within reach of every + hand. Now I have lived for six years trying single-handed to relieve the + want and suffering of the needy people with whom I come in contact, and + their squalor and wretchedness have sickened me, and, what is still worse, + I feel that all I can do is as a drop in the ocean, and, after all, + amounts to nothing. I know I am no longer the same reckless girl who, with + the very best intention, sent you wandering through the wide world; and I + thank God that it proved to be for your good, although the whole now + appears quite incredible to me. My thoughts have moved so long within the + narrow circle of these mountains that they have lost their youthful + elasticity, and can no more rise above them.” + </p> + <p> + Ralph detected, in the midst of her despondency, a spark of her former + fire, and grew eloquent in his endeavors to persuade her that she was + unjust to herself, and that there was but a wider sphere of life needed to + develop all the latent powers of her rich nature. + </p> + <p> + At the dinner-table, her father again sat eying his guest with that same + cold look of distrust and suspicion. And when the meal was at an end, he + rose abruptly and called his daughter into another room. Presently Ralph + heard his angry voice resounding through the house, interrupted now and + then by a woman’s sobs, and a subdued, passionate pleading. When Bertha + again entered the room, her eyes were very red, and he saw that she had + been weeping. She threw a shawl over her shoulders, beckoned to him with + her hand, and he arose and followed her. She led the way silently until + they reached a thick copse of birch and alder near the strand. She dropped + down upon a bench between two trees, and he took his seat at her side. + </p> + <p> + “Ralph,” began she, with a visible effort, “I hardly know what to say to + you; but there is something which I must tell you—my father wishes + you to leave us at once.” + </p> + <p> + “And <i>you</i>, Bertha?” + </p> + <p> + “Well—yes—I wish it too.” + </p> + <p> + She saw the painful shock which her words gave him, and she strove hard to + speak. Her lips trembled, her eyes became suffused with tears, which grew + and grew, but never fell; she could not utter a word. + </p> + <p> + “Well, Bertha,” answered he, with a little quiver in his voice, “if you, + too, wish me to go, I shall not tarry. Good-by.” + </p> + <p> + He rose quickly, and, with averted face, held out his hand to her; but as + she made no motion to grasp the hand, he began distractedly to button his + coat, and moved slowly away. + </p> + <p> + “Ralph.” + </p> + <p> + He turned sharply, and, before he knew it, she lay sobbing upon his + breast. + </p> + <p> + “Ralph,” she murmured, while the tears almost choked her words, “I could + not have you leave me thus. It is hard enough—it is hard enough—” + </p> + <p> + “What is hard, beloved?” + </p> + <p> + She raised her head abruptly, and turned upon him a gaze full of hope and + doubt, and sweet perplexity. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, no, you do not love me,” she whispered, sadly. + </p> + <p> + “Why should I come to seek you, after these many years, dearest, if I did + not wish to make you my wife before God and men? Why should I—I.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, yes, I know,” she interrupted him with a fresh fit of weeping, “you + are too good and honest to wish to throw me away, now when you have seen + how my soul has hungered for the sight of you these many years, how even + now I cling to you with a despairing clutch. But you can not disguise + yourself, Ralph, and I saw from the first moment that you loved me no + more.” + </p> + <p> + “Do not be such an unreasonable child,” he remonstrated, feebly. “I do not + love you with the wild, irrational passion of former years; but I have the + tenderest regard for you, and my heart warms at the sight of your sweet + face, and I shall do all in my power to make you as happy as any man can + make you who—” + </p> + <p> + “Who does not love me,” she finished. + </p> + <p> + A sudden shudder seemed to shake her whole frame, and she drew herself + more tightly up to him. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, no,” she continued, after a while, sinking back upon her seat. “It is + a hopeless thing to compel a reluctant heart. I will accept no sacrifice + from you. You owe me nothing, for you have acted toward me honestly and + uprightly, and I shall be a stronger or—at least—a better + woman for what you gave me—and—for what you could not give me, + even though you would.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Bertha,” exclaimed he, looking mournfully at her, “it is not true + when you say that I owe you nothing. Six years ago, when first I wooed + you, you could not return my love, and you sent me out into the world, and + even refused to accept any pledge or promise for the future.” + </p> + <p> + “And you returned,” she responded, “a man, such as my hope had pictured + you; but, while I had almost been standing still, you had outgrown me and + outgrown your old self, and, with your old self, outgrown its love for me, + for your love was not of your new self, but of the old. Alas! it is a sad + tale, but it is true.” + </p> + <p> + She spoke gravely now, and with a steadier voice, but her eyes hung upon + his face with an eager look of expectation, as if yearning to detect there + some gleam of hope, some contradiction of the dismal truth. He read that + look aright and it pierced him like a sharp sword. He made a brave effort + to respond to its appeal, but his features seemed hard as stone, and he + could only cry out against his destiny, and bewail his misfortune and + hers. + </p> + <p> + Toward evening, Ralph was sitting in an open boat, listening to the + measured oar-strokes of the boatmen who were rowing him out to the nearest + stopping-place of the steamer. The mountains lifted their great placid + heads up among the sun-bathed clouds, and the fjord opened its cool depths + as if to make room for their vast reflections. Ralph felt as if he were + floating in the midst of the blue infinite space, and, with the strength + which this feeling inspired, he tried to face boldly the thought from + which he had but a moment ago shrunk as from something hopelessly sad and + perplexing. + </p> + <p> + And in that hour he looked fearlessly into the gulf which separates the + New World from the Old. He had hoped to bridge it; but, alas! it can not + be bridged. + </p> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg’s A Good-For-Nothing, by Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING *** + +***** This file should be named 23174-h.htm or 23174-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/1/7/23174/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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