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diff --git a/old/tsomh10.txt b/old/tsomh10.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 68d682e..0000000 --- a/old/tsomh10.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3209 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg Etext Story of My Heart, by Richard Jefferies - - -Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check -the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! - -Please take a look at the important information in this header. -We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an -electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. - - -**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** - -**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** - -*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* - -Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and -further information is included below. 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If you - don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are - payable to "Project Gutenberg Association/Carnegie-Mellon - University" within the 60 days following each - date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare) - your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax return. - -WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? -The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time, -scanning machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty -free copyright licenses, and every other sort of contribution -you can think of. Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg -Association / Carnegie-Mellon University". - -*END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* - - - - - -Transcribed for Project Gutenberg by Susan L. Farley. -Project Gutenberg/Make A Difference Day Project 1999. - - - - - -THE STORY OF MY HEART -AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY - -by RICHARD JEFFERIES - - - - -CHAPTER I - -THE story of my heart commences seventeen years ago. In the glow -of youth there were times every now and then when I felt the -necessity of a strong inspiration of soulthought. My heart was -dusty, parched for want of the rain of deep feeling; my mind arid and dry, -for there is a dust which settles on the heart as well as that which falls -on a ledge. It is injurious to the mind as well as to the body to be always -in one place and always surrounded by the same circumstances. A species of -thick clothing slowly grows about the mind, the pores are choked, little -habits become a part of existence, and by degrees the mind is inclosed in a -husk. -When this began to form I felt eager to escape from it, to throw off the -heavy clothing, to drink deeply once more at the fresh fountations of life. -An inspiration--a long deep breath of the pure air of thought--could alone -give health to the heart. - -There is a hill to which I used to resort at such periods. The labour of -walking three miles to it, all the while gradually ascending, seemed to -clear my blood of the heaviness accumulated at home. On a warm summer day -the slow continued rise required continual effort, which caried away the -sense of oppression. The familiar everyday scene was soon out of sight; I -came to other trees, meadows, and fields; I began to breathe a new air and -to have a fresher aspirationn. I restrained my soul till reached the sward -of the hill; psyche, the soul that longed to be loose. I would write psyche -always instead of soul to avoid meanings -which have become attached to the word soul, but it is awkward to do so. -Clumsy inddeed are all words the moment the wooden stage of commonplace life -is left. I restrained psyche, my soul, till I reached and put my foot on -the grass at the beginning of the green hill itself. Moving up the sweet -short turf, at every step my heart seemed to obtain a wider horizon of -feeling; with every inhalation of rich pure air, a deeper desire. The very -light of the sun was whiter and more brilliant here. By the time I had -reached the summit I had entirely forgotten the petty circumstances and the -annoyances of existence. I felt myself, myself. There was an intrenchment -on the summit, and going down into the fosse I walked round it slowly to -recover breath. On the south-western side there was - -a spot where the outer bank had partially slipped, leaving a -gap. There the view was over a broad plain, beautiful with -wheat, and inclosed by a perfect amphitheatre of green hills. -Through these hills there was one narrow groove, or pass, -southwards, where the white clouds seemed to close in the -horizon. Woods hid the scattered hamlets and farmhouses, so -that I was quite alone.I was utterly alone with the sun and the earth. -Lying down on the grass, I spoke in my soul to the earth, the sun, the air, -and the distant sea far beyond sight. I thought of the earth's firmness--I -felt it bear me up: through the grassy couch there came an influence as if I -could feel the great earth speaking to me. I thought of the wandering -air--its pureness, which is its beauty; the air touched me and gave me -something of itself. I spoke to the sea: though so far, in my mind I saw -it, green at the rim of the earth and blue in deeper ocean;I desired to have -its strength, its mystery and glory. Then I addressed the sun, desiring the -soul equivalent of -his light and brilliance, his endurance and unwearied race. I turned to the -blue heaven over, gazing into its depth, inhaling its exquisite colour and -sweetness. The rich blue of the unattainable flower of the sky drew my soul -towards it, and there it rested, I for pure colour is rest of heart. By all -these I prayed; I felt an emotion of the soul beyond all definition; prayer -is a puny thing to it, and the word is a rude sign to the feeling, but I -know no other.By the blue heaven, by the rolling sun bursting through -untrodden space, a new ocean of ether every day unveiled. By the fresh and -wandering air encompassing the world; by the sea sounding on the shore--the -green sea white-flecked at the margin and the deep ocean; by the strong -earth under me. Then, returning, I prayed by the -sweet thyme, whose little flowers I touched with my hand ; by the slender -grass; by the crumble of dry chalky earth I took up and let fall through my -fingers. Touching the crumble of earth, the blade of grass, the thyme -flower, breathing the earth-encircling air, thinking of the sea and the sky, -holding -out my hand for the sunbeams to touch it, prone on the sward in token of -deep reverence, thus I prayed that I might touch to the unutterable -existence infinitely higher than deity. - -With all the intensity of feeling which exalted me, all the intense -communion I held with the earth, the sun and sky, the stars hidden by the -light, with the ocean--in no manner can the thrilling depth of these -feelings be written--with these I prayed, as if they were the keys of an -instrument, of an organ, with which I swelled forth the note of my soul, -redoubling my own voice by their power. The great sun burning with light; -the strong earth, dear earth; the warm sky; the pure air; the thought of -ocean; the inexpressible beauty of all filled -me with a rapture, an ecstasy, and inflatus. With this inflatus, too, I -prayed. Next to myself I came and recalled myself, my bodily existence. I -held out my hand, the sunlight -gleamed on the skin and the iridescent nails; I recalled the mystery and -beauty of the flesh. I thought of the mind with which I could see the ocean -sixty miles distant, and gather to myself its glory. I thought of my inner -existence, that consciousness which is called the soul. These, that is, -myself-- I threw into the balance to weight the prayer the heavier. My -strength of body, mind and soul, I flung into it; I but forth my strength; I -wrestled and laboured, and toiled in might of prayer. The prayer, this -soul-emotion was in itself-not for an object-it was a passion. I hid my -face in the grass, I was wholly prostrated, I lost myself in the wrestle, I -was rapt and carried away. - -Becoming calmer, I returned to myself and thought, reclining in rapt -thought, full of aspiration, steeped to the lips of my soul in desire. I -did not then define, or analyses, or understand this. I see now that what I -laboured for was soul-life, more soul-nature, to be exalted, to be full of -soul-learning. Finally I rose, walked half a mile or so along the summit of -the hill eastwards, to soothe myself and come to the common ways of life -again. Had any shepherd accidentally seen me lying on the turf, he would -only have thought that I was resting a few minutes; I made no outward show. -Who could have imagined the whirlwind of passion that was going on within me -as I reclined there! I was greatly exhausted when I reached home. - -Occasionally I went upon the hill deliberately, deeming it good to do so; -then, again, this craving carried me away up there of -itself. Though the principal feeling was the same, there were -variations in the mode in which it affected me. - -Sometimes on lying down on the sward I first looked up at the -sky, gazing for a long time till I could see deep into the azure -and my eyes were full of the colour; then I turned my face to -the grass and thyme, placing my hands at each side of my face -so as to shut out everything and hide myself. Having drunk deeply of the -heaven above and felt the most glorious beauty of -the day, and remembering the old, old, sea, which (as it seemed -to me) was but just yonder at the edge, I now became lost, and -absorbed into the being or existence of the universe. I felt -down deep into the earth under, and high above into the sky, and -farther still to the sun and stars. Still farther beyond the stars into the -hollow of space, and losing thus my separateness of being came to seem like -a part of the whole. Then I whisper-ed to the earth beneath, through the gr -ass and thyme, down into the depth of its ear, and again up to the starry -space hid behind the blue of day. Travelling in an instant across the -distant sea, I saw as if with actual vision the palms and -cocoanut trees, the bamboos of India, and the cedars of the extreme south. -Like a lake with islands the ocean lay before me, as clear and vivid as the -plain beneath in the midst of the amphitheatre of hills. - -With the glory of the great sea, I said, with the firm, solid, -and sustaining earth; the depth, distance, and expanse of ether; -the age, tamelessness, and ceaseless motion of the ocean; the -stars, and the unknown in space; by all those things which are -most powerful known to me, and by those which exist, but of which I have no -idea whatever, I pray. Further, by my own soul, that secret existence which -above all other things bears the nearest resemblance to the ideal of spirit, -infinitely nearer than earth, sun, or star. Speaking by an inclination -towards, not in words, my soul prays that I may have something from each of -these, that I may gather a flower from them, that I may have in myself the -secret and meaning of the earth, the golden sun, the light, the foam-flecked -sea. Let my soul become enlarged; I am not enough ; I am little and -contemptible. I desire a great-ness of soul, an irradiance of mind, a -deeper insight, a broader -hope. Give me power of soul, so that I may actually effect by -its will that which I strive for. - -In winter, though I could not then rest on the grass, or stay -long enough to form any definite expression, I still went up to the hill -once now and then, for it seemed that to merely visit the spot repeated all -that I had previously said. But it was not only then. - -In summer I went out into the fields, and let my soul inspire -these thoughts under the trees, standing against the trunk, or looking up -through the branches at the sky. If trees could speak, hundreds of them -would say that I had had these soul-emotions under them. Leaning against the -oak's massive -trunk, and feeling the rough bark and the lichen at my back, looking -southwards over the grassy fields, cowslip-yellow, at the woods on the -slope, I thought my desire of deeper soul-life. Or under the green firs, -looking upwards, the sky was more deeply blue at their tops; then the brake -fern was unroll- -ing, the doves cooing, the thickets astir, the late ash-leaves -coming forth. Under the shapely rounded elms, by the hawthorn bushes and -hazel, everywhere the same deep desire for the soul-nature; to have from all -green things and from the sunlight the inner meaning which was not known to -them, that I might be full of light as the woods of the sun's rays. Just to -touch the lichened bark of a tree, or the end of a spray projecting -over the path as I walked, seemed to repeat -the same prayer in me. - -The long-lived summer days dried and warmed the turf in the meadows. I used -to lie down in solitary corners at full length on my back, so as to feel the -embrace of the earth. The grass stood high above me, and the shadows of the -tree-branches danced on my face. I looked up at the sky, with halfclosed -eyes to bear the dazzling light. Bees buzzed over me, sometimes a butterfly -passed, -there was a hum in the air, greenfinches sang in the hedge. Gradually -entering into the intense life of the summer days--a life which burned -around as if every grass blade and leaf were a torch--I came to feel the -longdrawn life of the earth back into the dimmest past, while the sun of the -moment was warm on me. Sesostris on the most ancient sands of the south,in -ancient, ancient days, was conscious of himself and of the sun. This -sunlight linked me through the ages to that past consciousness. From all -the ages my soul desired to take that soul-life which had flowed through -them as the sunbeams had continually poured on earth. As the hot sands take -up the heat, so would I take up that soul-energy. Dreamy in appearance, I -was breathing full of -existence; I was aware of the grass blades, the flowers, the leaves on hawth -orn and tree. I seemed to live more largely through them, as if each were a -pore through which I drank. -The grasshoppers called and leaped, the greenfinches -sang, the blackbirds happily fluted, all the air hummed with -life. I was plunged deep in existence, and with all that -existence I prayed. - -Through every grass blade in the thousand, thousand grasses; -through the million leaves, veined and edge-cut, on bush and -tree; through the song-notes and the marked feathers of the -birds; through the insects' hum and the colour of the butterflies; through -the soft warm air, the flecks of clouds -dissolving--I used them all for prayer. With all the energy the -sunbeams had poured unwearied on the earth since Sesostris was -conscious of them on the ancient sands; with all the life that -had been lived by vigorous man and beauteous woman since first -in dearest Greece the dream of the gods was woven; with all the -soul-life that had flowed a long stream down to me, I prayed -that I might have a soul more than equal to, far beyond my conception of, -these things of the past, the present, and the fulness of all life. Not -only equal to these, but beyond, higher, and more powerful than I could -imagine. That I might take from all their energy, grandeur, and beauty, and -gather it into me. That my soul might be more than the cosmos of -life. - -I prayed with the glowing clouds of sun-set and the soft light of the first -star coming through the violet sky. At night with the stars, according to -the season : now with the Pleiades, now with the Swan or burning Sirius, and -broad Orion's whole -constellation, red Aldebaran, Arcturus, and the Northern Crown; -with the morning star, the lightbringer, once now and then when -I saw it, a white-gold ball in the violet-purple sky, or framed -about with pale summer vapour floating away as red streaks shot -horizontally in the east. A diffused saffron ascended into -the luminous upper azure. The disk of the sun rose over the -hill, fluctuating with throbs of light; his chest heaved in -fervour of brilliance. All the glory of the sunrise filled me with broader -and furnace-like vehemence of prayer. That I might have the deepest of -soul-life, the deepest of all, deeper far than all this greatness of the -visible universe and even of the invisible; that I might have a fulness of -soul till now unknown, and utterly beyond my own conception. - -In the deepest darkness of the night the same thought rose in my -mind as in the bright light of noontide. What is there which I -have not used to strengthen the same emotion? - -CHAPTER II - -SOMETIMES I went to a deep, narrow valleyin the hills, silent and solitary. -The sky crossed from side to side, like a roof supported on two walls of -green. Sparrows chirped in the wheat at the verge above, their calls -falling like the twittering of swallows from the air. There was no other -sound. The short grass was dried grey as it grew by the heat; the sun hung -over the narrow vale as if it had been put there by hand. Burning, burning, -the sun glowed on the sward at the footof the slope where these thoughts -burned into me. How many, many years, how many cycles of years, how many -bundles ofcycles of years, had the sun glowed down thus on that hollow? -Since it was formed how long? Since it was worn and shaped,groove-like, in -the flanks of the hills by mighty forces which had ebbed. Alone with the -sun which glowed on the work when it was done, I saw back through space to -the old time of tree-ferns, of the lizard -flying through the air, the lizard-dragon wallowing in sea foam, the -mountainous creatures, twice-elephantine, feeding on land; all the crooked -sequence of life. The dragon-fly which passed me traced a continuous -descent from the fly marked on stone in those days. The immense time lifted -me like a wave rolling under a boat; my mind seemed to raise itself as the -swell of the cycles came; it felt strongwith the power of the ages. With -all thattime and power I prayed: that I might have in my soul the -intellectual part of it; theidea, the thought. Like a shuttle the mind shot -to and fro the past and the present, in an instant. - -Full to the brim of the wondrous past, I felt the wondrous -present. For the day--the very moment I breathed, that second of time then -in the valley, was as marvellous, as grand, as all -that had gone before. Now, this moment was the wonder and the -glory.Now,this moment was exceedingly wonder- -ful. Now, this moment give me all the -thought, all the idea, ali the soul expressed in the cosmos -around me. Give me still more, for the interminable universe, -past and present, is but earth; give me the unknown soul, wholly -apart from it, the soul of which I know only that when I touch -the ground, when the sunlight touches my hand,it is not there. Therefore -the heart looks into space to be away from earth. With all the cycles, and -the sunlight streaming through them, with all that is meant by the present, -I thought in the deep vale and prayed. - -There was a secluded spring to which I sometimes went to drink -the pure water, lifting it in the hollow of my hand. Drinking -the lucid water, clear as light itself in solution, I absorbed -the beauty and purity of it. I drank the thought of the element; I desired -soul-nature pure and limpid. When I saw the -sparkling dew on the grass--a rainbow broken into drops--it called up the -same thought-prayer. The stormy wind whose sudden twists laid the trees on -the ground woke the same feeling; my heart shouted with it. The soft summer -air which entered when I -opened my window in the morning breathed the same sweet desire. -At night, before sleeping, I always looked out at the shadowy trees, the -hills looming indistinctly in the dark, a star seen between the drifting -clouds; prayer of soul-life always. I chose the highest room, bare and -gaunt, because as I sat at work I could look out and see more of the wide -earth, more of the dome of the sky, and could think my desire through these. -When the crescent of the new moon shone, all the old thoughts were renewed. - -All the succeeding incidents of the year repeated my prayer as -I noted them. The first green leaf on the hawthorn, the first -spike of meadow grass, the first song of the nightingale, the -green ear of wheat. I spoke it with the ear of wheat as the sun -tinted it golden; with the whitening barley; again with the red gold spots -of autumn on the beech, the buff oak leaves, and the gossamer dew-weighted. -All the larks over the green corn sang it for me, all the dear swallows; the -green leaves rustled it; the green brookflags waved it; the swallows took it -with them to repeat it for me in distant lands. By the running brook I -meditated it; a flash of sunlight here in the curve, a flicker yonderon the -ripples, the birds bathing in the sandy shallow, the rush of falling water. -As the brook ran winding through the -meadow, so one thought ran winding through my days. - -The sciences I studied never checked it for a moment; nor did the books of -old philosophy. The sun was stronger than science; -the hills more than philosophy. Twice circumstances gave me a brief view of -the sea then the passion rose tumultuous as the -waves. It was very bitter to me to leave the sea. - -Sometimes I spent the whole day walking over the hills -searching for it; as if the labour of walking would force it -from the ground. I remained in the woods for hours, among the -ash sprays and the fluttering of the ring-doves at their nests, -the scent of pines here and there, dreaming my prayer. - -My work was most uncongenial and useless, but even then sometimes a -gleam of sunlight on the wall, the buzz of a bee at the window, would bring -the thought to me. Only to make me miserable, for it was a waste of golden -time while the rich sunlight streamed on hill and plain. There was a -wrenching of the mind, a straining of the mental sinews; I was forced to do -this, my mind was yonder. Weariness, exhaustion, nerve-illness often -ensued. The insults which are showered on poverty, long struggle of labour, -the heavy pressure of circumstances, the unhappiness, only stayed the -expression of the feeling. It was always there. Often in the streets of -London, as the red sunset flamed over the houses, the old thought, the old -prayer, came. - -Not only in grassy fields with green leaf and running brook did -this constant desire find renewal. More deeply still with -living human beauty; the perfection of form, the simple fact of -form, ravished and always willravish me away. In this lies the outcome and -end of all the loveliness of sunshine and green leaf, of flowers, pure -water, and sweet air. This is embodiment and highest ex-pression; the -scattered, uncertain, and designless loveliness of tree and sunlight brought -to shape. Through this beauty Iprayed deepest and longest, and down to this -hour. The shape--the divine idea of that shape--the swelling muscle or the -dreamy limb, strong sinew or curve of bust, Aphrodite or Hercules, it is the -same. That I may have the soul-life, the soul-nature, let divine beauty -bring to me divine soul. Swart Nubian, white Greek, delicate Italian, -massive Scandinavian, in all the exquisite pleasure the form gave, and -gives, to me immediately becomes intense prayer. - -If I could have been in physical shape like these, how -despicable in comparison I am; to be shapely of form is so -infinitely beyond wealth, power, fame, all that ambition can give, that -these are dust before it. Unless of the human form, no pictures hold me; -the rest are flat surfaces. So, too, with -the other arts, they are dead; the potters, the architects, -meaningless, stony, and some repellent, like the cold touch of -porcelain. No prayer with these. Only the human form in art -could raise it, and most in statuary. I have seen so little -good statuary, it is a regret to me; still, that I have is -beyond all other art. Fragments here, a bust yonder, the -broken pieces brought from Greece, copies, plaster casts, a -memory of an Aphrodite, of a Persephone, of an Apollo, that is -all; but even drawings of statuary will raise the prayer. -These statues were like myself full of a thought, for ever -about to burst forth as a bud, yet silent in the same attitude. -Give me to live the soul-life they express. The smallest -fragment of marble carved in the shape of the human arm will wake the desire -I felt in my hill-prayer. - -Time went on; good fortune and success never for an instant -deceived me that they were in themselves to be sought; only my -soul-thought was worthy. Further years bringing much suffering, -grinding the very life out; new troubles, renewed insults, loss -of what hard labour had earned, the bitter question: Is it not -better to leap into the sea? These, too, have made no -impression; constant still to the former prayer my mind endures. -It was my chief regret that I had not endeavoured to write these things, to -give expression to this passion. I am now trying, but I see that I shall -only in part succeed. - -The same prayer comes to me at this very hour. It is now less -solely associated with the sun and sea, hills, woods, or -beauteous human shape. It is always within. It requires no waking; no -renewal; it is always with me. I am it; the fact of my existence expresses -it.After a long interval I came to the hills again, this time by the coast. -I found a deep hollow on the side of a great hill, a green concave opening -to the sea, where I could rest and think in perfect quiet. Behind me were -furze bushes dried by the heat; immediately in front dropped the steep -descent of the bowl-like hollow which received and brought up to me the -faint sound of the summer waves. Yonder lay the immense plain of sea, the -palest green under the continued sunshine, as though the heat had evaporated -the colour from it; there was no distinct horizon, a heat-mist inclosed it -and looked farther away than the horizon would have done. Silence and -sunshine, sea and hill gradually brought my mind into the condition of -intense prayer. Day after day, forhours at a time, I came there, my -soul-desire always the same. Presently I began to consider how I could put -a part of that prayer into form, giving it an object. Could I bring it into -such a shape as would admit of actually working upon the lines it indicated -for any good ? - -One evening, when the bright white star in Lyra was shining -almost at the zenith over me, and the deep concave was the more -profound in the dusk, I formulated it into three divisions. -First, I desired that I might do or find something to exalt the -soul, something to enable it to live its own life, a more -powerful existence now. Secondly, I desired to be able to do something for -the flesh, to make a discovery or perfect a method by which the fleshly body -might enjoy more pleasure, longer life, and suffer less pain. Thirdly, to -construct a more flexible engine with which to carry into execution the -design of the will. I called this the Lyra prayer, to distinguish it from -the far deeper emotion in which the soul was alone -concerned. - -Of the three divisions, the last was of so little importance -that it scarcely deserved to be named in conjunction with the -others. Mechanism increases convenience--in no degree does it -confer physical or moral perfection. The rudimentary engines -employed thousands of years ago in raising buildings were in -that respect equal to the complicated machines of the present -day. Control of iron and steel has not altered or improved the -bodily man. I even debated some time whether such a third -division should be included at all. Our bodies are now conveyed -all round the world with ease, but obtain no advantage. As they start so -they return. The most perfect human families of ancient times were almost -stationary, as those of Greece. Perfection of form was found inSparta; how -small a spot compared to those continents over which we are now taken so -quickly! Such perfection of form might perhaps again dwell, contented and -complete in itself, on such a strip of land as I could see between me and -the sand of the sea. Again, a watch keeping correct time is no guarantee -that the bearer shall not suffer pain. The owner of the watch may be -soulless, without mind-fire, a mere creature. No benefit to the -heart or to the body accrues from the most accurate mechanism. -Hence I debated whether the third division should be included. -But I reflected that time cannot be put back on the dial, we -cannot return to Sparta; there is an existent state of things, -and existent multitudes; and possibly a more powerful engine, -flexible to the will, might give them that freedom which is the -one, and the one only, political or social idea I possess. For -liberty, therefore, let it be included. - -For the flesh, this arm of mine, the limbs of others gracefully moving, let -me find something that will give them greater per- -fection. That the bones may be firmer, somewhat larger if that would be an -advantage, certainly stronger, that the cartilage and sinews may be more -enduring, and the muscles more powerful, something after the manner of those -ideal limbs and muscles sculptured of old, these in the flesh and real. That -the organs of the body may be stronger in their action, perfect, and -lasting. That the exterior flesh may be yet more beautiful; that the shape -may be finer, and the motions graceful. These are the soberest words I can -find, purposely chosen; for I am so rapt in the beauty of the human form, -and so earnestly, so inexpressibly, prayerful to see that form perfect, that -my full thought is not to be written. Unable to express it fully, I have -considered it best to put it in the simplest manner of words. I believe in -the human form; let me find something, some method, by which that form may -achieve the utmost beauty. Its beauty is like an arrow, which may be shot -any distance according to the strength of the bow. So the idea expressed in -the human shape is capable of indefinite expansion and elevation of beauty. - -Of the mind, the inner consciousness, the soul, my prayer -desired that I might discover a mode of life for it, so that it -might not only conceive of such a life, but actually enjoy it on -the earth. I wished to search out a new and higher set of ideas -on which the mind should work. The simile of a new book of the -soul is the nearest to convey the meaning--a book drawn from -the present and future, not the past. Instead of a set of ideas based on -tradition, let me give the mind a new thought drawn straight from the -wondrous present, direct this very hour. Next, to furnish the soul with the -means of executing its will, of carrying thought into action. In other -words, for the soul to -become a power. These three formed the Lyra prayer, of which the two first -are immeasurably the in more important. I believe in the human being, mind -and flesh; form and soul. - -It happened just afterwards that I went to Pevensey, and -immediately the ancient wall swept my mind back seventeen -hundred years to the eagle, the pilum, and the short sword. The -grey stones, the thin red bricks laid by those whose eyes had -seen Caesar's Rome, lifted me out of the grasp of house-life, -of modern civilisation, of those minutiae which occupy the -moment. The grey stone made me feel as if I had existed from -then till now, so strongly did I enter into and see my own -life as if reflected. My own existence was focused back on me; -I saw its joy, its unhappiness, its birth, its death, its -possibilities among the infinite, above all its yearning -Question. Why? Seeing it thus clearly, and lifted out of the -moment by the force of seventeen centuries, I recognised the -full mystery and the depths of things in the roots of the dry -grass on the wall, in the green sea flowing near. Is there -anything I can do? The mystery and the possibilities are not in -the roots of the grass, nor is the depth of things in the sea; they are in -my existence, in my soul. The marvel of existence, -almost the terror of it, was flung on me with crushing force by -the sea, the sun shining, the distant hills. With all their -ponderous weight they made me feel myself: all the time, all the -centuries made me feel myself this moment a hundred-fold. I -determined that I would endeavour to write what I had so long -thought of, and the same evening put down one sentence. There -the sentence remained two years. I tried to carry it on; I hesitated -because I could not express it: nor can I now, though in desperation I am -throwing these rude stones of thought together, rude as those of the ancient -wall. - -CHAPTER III - -THERE were grass-grown tumuli on the hills to which of old I used to walk, -sit down at the foot of one of them, and think. Some warrior had been -interred there in the antehistoric times. The sun of the summer morning -shone on the dome of sward, and the air came softly up from the wheat below, -the tips of the grasses swayed as it passed sighing faintly, it ceased, and -the bees hummed by to the thyme and heathbells. I became absorbed in the -glory of the day, the sunshine, the sweet air, the yellowing corn turning -from its sappy green to summer's noon of gold, the lark's song like a -waterfall in the sky. I felt at that moment that I was like the spirit of -the man whose body was interred in the tumulus; I could understand and feel -his existence the same as my own. He was as real to me two thousand years -after interment as those I had seen in the body. The abstract personality of -the dead seemed as existent as thought. As my -thought could slip back the twenty centuries in a moment to the forest-days -when he hurled the spear, or shot with the bow, hunting the deer, and could -return again as swiftly to this moment, so his spirit could endure from then -till now, and the time was nothing. - -Two thousand years being a second to the soul could not cause -its extinction. Itwas no longer to the soul than my thought occupied to me. -Recognising my own inner consciousness, the psyche, so clearly, death did -not seem to me to affect the personality.In dissolution there was no -bridgeless chasm, no unfathomable gulf of separation; the spirit did not -immediately become inaccesible, leaping at a bound to an immeasurable -distance. Look at another person while living; -the soul is not visible, only the body which it animates. Therefore, merely -because after death the soul is not visible is no demonstration that it does -not still live. -The condition of being unseen is the same condition which occurs -while the body is living, so that intrinsically there is nothing -exceptionable, or supernatural, in the life of the soul after death. Resting -by the tumulus, the spirit of the man who had been interred there was to me -really alive, and very close. This was quite natural, as natural and simple -as the grass waving in the wind, the bees humming, and the larks' songs. -Only by the strongest effort of the mind could I understand the idea of -extinction; that was supernatural, requiring a miracle; the immortality of -the soul natural, like earth. Listening to the sighing of the grass I felt -immortality as I felt the beauty of the summer morning, and I thought beyond -immortality, of other conditions, more beautiful than existence, higher than -immortality. - -That there is no knowing, in the sense of written reasons, -whether the soul lives on or not, I am fully aware. I do not -hope or fear. At least while I am living I have enjoyed the -idea of immortality, and the idea of my own soul. If then, -after death, I am resolved without exception into earth, air, -and water, and the spirit goes out like a flame, still I shall -have had the glory of that thought. - -It happened once that a man was drowned while bathing, and his -body was placed in an outhouse near the garden. I passed the -outhouse continually, sometimes on purpose to think about it, -and it always seemed to me that the man was still living. -Separation is not to be comprehended; the spirit of the man did not appear -to have gone to an in conceivable distance. As my thought flashes itself -back through the centuries to the luxury of Canopus, and can see the gilded -couches of a city extinct, so it slips through the future, and immeasurable -time in front is no bounandary to it. Certainly the man was not dead to me. - -Sweetly the summer air came up to the tumulus, the grass sighed softly, the -butterflies went by, sometimes alighting on the green dome. Two thousand -years! Summer after summer the blue butterflies had visited the mound, the -thyme had flowered, the wind sighed in the grass. The azure morning had -spread its arms over the low tomb; and full glowing noon burned on it; the -purple of sunset rosied the sward. Stars, ruddy in the vapour of the -southern horizon, beamed at midnight through the mystic summer night, which -is dusky and yet full of light. White mists swept up and hid it; dews rested -on the turf; tender harebells drooped; the wings of the finches fanned the -air--finches whose colours faded from the wings how many centuries ago! -Brown autumn dwelt in the woods beneath; the rime of winter whitened the -beech clump on the ridge; again the buds came on the wind-blown hawthorn -bushes, and in the evening the broad constellation of Orion covered the -east. Two thousand times! Two thousand times the woods grew green, and -ring-doves built their nests. Day and night for two thousand years--light -and shadow sweeping over the mound--two thousand years of labour by day and -slumber by night. Mystery gleaming in the stars, pouring down in the -sunshine, speaking in the night, the wonder of the sun and of far space, for -twenty centuries round about this low and green-grown dome. Yet all that -mystery and wonder is as nothing to the Thought that lies therein, to the -spirit that I feel so close. - -Realising that spirit, recognising my own inner consciousness, -the psyche, so clearly, I cannot understand time. It is -eternity now. I am in the midst of it. It is about me in the -sunshine; I am in it, as the butterfly floats in the light-laden -air. Nothing has to come; it is now. Now is eternity; now is -the immortal life. Here this moment, by this tumulus, on earth, -now; I exist in it. The years, the centuries, the cycles are -absolutely nothing; it is only a moment since this tumulus was raised; in a -thousand years it will still be only a moment. To the soul there is no past -and no future; all is and will be -ever, in now. For artificial purposes time is mutually agreed -on, but is really no such thing. The shadow goes on upon the dial, the index -moves round upon the clock, and what is the difference? None whatever. If -the clock had never been set going, what would have been the difference? -There may be time for the clock, the clock may make time for itself; there -is none for me. - -I dip my hand in the brook and feel the stream; in an instant -the particles of water which first touched me have floated -yards down the current, my hand remains there. I take my hand -away, and the flow--the time--of the brook does not exist to me. -The great clock of the firmament, the sun and the stars, the -crescent moon, the earth circling two thousand times, is no -more to me than the flow of the brook when my hand is withdrawn; my soul has -never been, and never can be, dipped in -time. Time has never existed, and never will; it is a purely -artificial arrangement. It is eternity now, it always was eternity, and -always will be. By no possible means could I get into time if I tried. I am -in eternity now and must there remain. Haste not, be at rest, this Now is -eternity. Because the idea of time has left my mind--if ever it had any -hold on it--to me the man interred in the tumulus is living now as I live. -We are both in eternity. - -There is no separation-no past; eternity, the Now, is -continuous. When all the stars have revolved they only produce -Now again. The continuity of Now is for ever. So that it -appears to me purely natural, and not super natural, that the -soul whose temporary frame was interred in this mound should be -existing as I sit on the sward. How infinitely deeper is thought than the -million miles of the firmament! The wonder is here, not there; now, not to -be, now always. Things that have been miscalled supernatural appear to me -simple,more natural than nature, than earth, than sea,or sun. It is beyond -telling more natural that I should have a soul than not, that there should -be -immortality; I think there is much more than immortality. It -is matter which is the supernatural, and difficult of under-standing. Why -this clod of earth I hold in my hand? Why this water which drops sparkling -from my fingers dipped in the brook? -Why are they at all? When? How? What for? Matter is beyond understanding, -mysterious, impenetrable; I touch it easily, comprehend it, no. Soul, -mind--the thought, the idea--is easily understood, it understands itself and -is conscious. - -The supernatural miscalled, the natural in truth, is the real. -To me everything is supernatural. How strange that condition of mind which -cannot accept anything but the earth, the sea, the tangible universe! -Without the misnamed supernatural these to me seem incomplete, unfinished. -Without soul all these are dead. Except when I walk by the sea, and my soul -is by it, the sea is dead. Those seas by which no man has stood-- which no -soul has been--whether on earth or the planets, are dead. No matter how -majestic the planet rolls in space, unless a soul be there it is dead. As I -move about in the sunshine I feel in the midst of the supernatural: in the -midst of immortal things. It is impossibble to wrest the mind down to the -same laws that rule pieces of timber, water, or earth. They do not control -the soul, however rigidly they may bind matter. So full am I always of a -sense of the immortality now at this moment round about me, that it would -not surprise me in the least if a circumstance outside physical experience -occurred. It would seem to me quite natural. Give the soul the power it -conceives, and there would be nothing wonderful in it. - -I can see nothing astonishing in what are called miracles. -Only those who are mesmerised by matter can find a difficulty in -such events. I am aware that the evidence for miracles is -logically and historically untrustworthy; I am not defending -recorded miracles. My point is that in principle I see no -reason at all why they should not take place this day. I do not -even say that there are or ever have been miracles, but I maintain that they -would be perfectly natural. The wonder rather is that they do not happen -frequently. Consider the limitless conceptions of the soul: let it possess -but the power to realise those conceptions for one hour, and how little, how -trifling would be the helping of the injured or the sick to regain health -and happiness--merely to think it. A soul-work would require but a thought. -Soul-work is an expression better suited to my meaning than "miracle," a -term like others into which a special sense has been infused. - -When I consider that I dwell this moment in the eternal Now that -has ever been and will be, that I am in the midst of immortal -things this moment, that there probably are Souls as infinitely -superior to mine as mine to a piece of timber, what then, pray, -is a "miracle"? As commonly understood, a "miracle" is a mere nothing. I can -conceive soul-works done by simple will or thought a thousand times greater. -I marvel that they do not -happen this moment. The air, the sunlight, the night, all that -surrounds me seems crowded with inexpressible powers, with the -influence of Souls, or existences, so that I walk in the midst -of immortal things. I myself am a living witness of it. -Sometimes I have concentrated myself, and driven away by continued will all -sense of outward appearances, looking -straight with the full power of my mind inwards on myself. -I find "I" am there; an "I" I do not wholly understand, or know--something -is there distinct from earth and timber, from flesh and bones. Recognising -it, I feel on the margin of a life unknown, very near, almost touching it: -on the verge of powers which if I could grasp would give me an immense -breadth of existence, an ability to execute what I now only conceive; most -probably of far more than that. To see that "I" is to know that I am -surrounded with immortal things. If, when I die, that "I" also dies, and -becomes extinct, still even then I have had the -exaltation of these ideas. - -How many words it has taken to describe so briefly the feelings -and the thoughts that came to me by the tumulus; thoughts that -swept past and were gone, and were succeeded by others while yet -the shadow of the mound had not moved from one thyme flower to -another, not the breadth of a grass blade. Softly breathed the sweet south -wind, gently the yellow corn waved beneath; the ancient, ancient sun shone -on the fresh grass and the flower, my heart opened wide as the broad, broad -earth. I spread my arms out, laying them on the sward, seizing the grass, to -take the fulness of the days. Could I have my own way after death I would be -burned on a pyre of pine-wood, open to the air, and placed on the summit of -the hills. Then let my ashes be scattered abroad--not collected urn an -urn--freely sown wide and broadcast. That is the natural interment of -man--of man whose Thought at least has been among the immortals; interment -in the elements. Burial is not enough, it does not give sufficient solution -into the elements speedily; a furnace is confined. The high open air of the -topmost hill, there let the tawny flame lick up the fragment called the -body; there cast the ashes into the space it longed for while living. Such -a luxury of interment is only for the wealthy; I fear I shall not be able to -afford it. Else the smoke of my resolution into the elements should -certainly arise in time on the hill-top. - -The silky grass sighs as the wind comescarrying the blue butterfly more -rapidly thanhis wings. A large humble-bee burrs round the green dome against -which I rest; my hands are scented with thyme. The sweetness of the day, -the fulness of the earth, the beauteous earth, how shall I say it? - -Three things only have been discovered of that which concerns the inner -consciousness since before written history began. Three things only in -twelve thousand written, or sculptured, years, and in the dumb, dim time -before then. Three ideas the Cavemen primeval wrested from the unknown, the -night which is round us still in daylight--the existence of the soul, im- -mortality, the deity. These things found, prayer followed as a sequential -result. Since then nothing further has been found in all the twelve thousand -years, as if men had been satisfied and had found these to suffice. They do -not suffice me. I desire to advance further, and to wrest afourth, and even -still more than a fourth, from the darkness of thought. I want more ideas of -soul-life. I am certain that there are more yet to be found. A great -life--an entire civilisation--lies just outside the pale of common thought. -Cities and countries, inhabitants, intelligences, culture--an entire -civilisation. Except by illustrations drawn from familiar things, there is -no way of -indicating a new idea. I do not mean actual cities, actual civilisation. -Such life is different from any yet imagined. A nexus of ideas exists of -which nothing is known--a vast system of ideas--a cosmos of thought. There -is an Entity, a Soul-Entity, as yet unrecognised. These, rudely expressed, -constitute my Fourth Idea. It is beyond, or beside, the three discovered by -the Cavemen; it is in addition to the existence of the soul; in addition to -immortality; and beyond the idea of the deity. I think there is something -more than existence. - -There is an immense ocean over which the mind can sail, upon which the -vessel of thought has not yet been launched. I hope -to launch it. The mind of so many thousand years has worked -round and round inside the circle of these three ideas as a -boat on an inland lake. Let us haul it over the belt of land, -launch on the ocean, and sail outwards. - -There is so much beyond all that has ever yet been imagined. -As I write these words, in the very moment, I feel that the -whole air, the sunshine out yonder lighting up the -ploughed earth, the distant sky, the circumambient ether, and -that far space, is full of soul-secrets, soul-life, things -outside the experience of all the ages. The fact of my own -existence as I write, as I exist at this second, is so -marvellous, so miracle-like, strange, and supernatural to me, -that I unhesitatingly conclude I am always on the margin of life -illimitable, and that there are higher conditions than -existence. Everything around is supernatural; everything so -full of unexplained meaning. - -Twelve thousand years since the Caveman stood at the mouth of his cavern and -gazed out at the night and the stars. He looked again and saw the sun rise -beyond the sea. He reposed in the noontide heat under the shade of the -trees, he closed his eyes and looked into himself. He was face to face with -the earth, the sun, the night; face to face with himself. There was nothing -between; no wall of written tradition; no builtup system of -culture--his naked mind was confronted by naked earth. He made -three idea-discoveries, wresting them from the unknown; the -existence of his soul, immortality, the deity. Now, to-day, as -I write, I stand in exactly the same position as the Caveman. -Written tradition, systems of culture, modes of thought, have -for me no existence. If ever they took any hold of my mind it -must have been very slight; they have long ago been erased. - ->From earth and sea and sun, from night, the stars, from day, -the trees, the hills, from my own soul--from these I think. I -stand this moment at the mouth of the ancient cave, face to face with -nature, face to face with the supernatural, with myself. My naked mind -confronts the unknown. I see as clearly as the noonday that this is not all; -I see other and higher conditions than existence; I see not only the -existence of the soul, immortality, but, in addition, I realise a soul-life -illimitable; I realise the existence of a cosmos of thought; I -realise the existence of an inexpressible entity infinitely -higher than deity. I strive to give utterance to a Fourth Idea. -The very idea that there is another idea is something gained. -The three found by the Cavemen are but steppingstones: first -links of an endless chain. At the mouth of the ancient cave, -face to face with the unknown, they prayed. Prone in heart to- -day I pray, Give me the deepest soul-life. - -CHAPTER IV - -THE wind sighs through the grass, sighs in the sunshine; it has -drifted the butterfly eastwards along the hill. A few yards -away there lies the skull of a lamb on the turf, white and -bleached, picked clean long since by crows and ants. Like the -faint ripple of the summer sea sounding in the hollow of the -ear, so the sweet air ripples in the grass. The ashes of the -man interred in the tumuius are indistinguishable; they have -sunk away like rain into the earth; so his body has disappeared. -I am under no delusion; I am fully aware that no demonstration can be given -of the three stepping-stones of the Cavemen. The soul is inscrutable; it is -not in evidence to show that it exists; immortality is not tangible. Full -well I know that -reason and knowledge and experience tend to disprove all three; -that experience denies answer to prayer. I am under no delusion -whatever; I grasp death firmly in conception as I can grasp this -bleached bone; utter extinction, annihilation. That the soul is -a product at best of organic composition; that it goes out like -a flame. This may be the end; my soul may sink like rain into -the earth and disappear. Wind and earth, sea, and night and -day, what then? Let my soul be but a product, what then? I say it is nothing -to me; this only I know, that while I have lived--now, this moment, while I -live--I think immortality, I lift my mind to a Fourth Idea. If I pass into -utter oblivion, yet I have had that. - -The original three ideas of the Cavemen became encumbered with -superstition; ritual grew up, and ceremony, and long ranks of -souls were painted on papyri waiting to be weighed in the scales,and to be -punished or rewarded. These cobwebs grotesque have sullied the original -discoveries and cast them -into discredit. Erase them altogether, and consider only the underlying -principles. The principles do not go far enough, but I shall not discard all -of them for that. Even supposing the pure principles to be illusions, and -annihilation the end, even then it is better--it is something gained to have -thought them. Thought is life; to have thought them is to have lived them. -Accepting two of them as true in principle, then I say that these are but -the threshold. For twelve thousand years no effort -has been made to get beyond that threshold. These are but the primer of -soul-life; the merest hieroglyphics chipped out, a little shape given to the -unknown. - -Not to-morrow but to-day. Not the to-morrow of the tumulus, the hour of the -sunshine now. This moment give me to live soul-life, not only after death. -Now is eternity, now I am in the -midst of immortality; now the supernatural crowds around me. Open my mind, -give my soul to see, let me live it now on earth, while I hear the burring -of the larger bees, the sweet air in the grass, and watch the yellow wheat -wave beneath me. Sun and earth and sea, night and day--these are the least -of things. Give me soul-life. - -There is nothing human in nature. The earth, though loved so dearly, would -let me perish on the ground, and neither bring forth food nor water. Burning -in the sky the great sun, of whose company I have been so fond, would merely -burn on and make no motion to assist me. Those who have been in an open boat -at sea without water have proved the mercies of the sun, and -of the deity who did not give them one drop of rain, dying -in misery under the same rays that smile so beautifully on the flowers. In -the south the sun is the enemy; night and coolness and rain are the friends -of man. As for the sea, it offers us salt water which we cannot drink. The -trees care nothing for us; the hill I visited so often in days gone by has -not missed me. The sun scorches man, and willing his naked state roast him -alive. The sea and the fresh water alike make no effort to -uphold him if his vessel founders; he casts up his arms in vain, they come -to their level over his head, filling the spot his body occupied. If he -falls from a cliff the air parts; the earth beneath dashes him to pieces. - -Water he can drink, but it is not produced for him; how many thousands have -perished for want of it? Some fruits are produced which he can eat, but they -do not produce themselves for him; merely for the purpose of continuing -their species. In wild, tropical countries, at the first glance there -appears to be some consideration for him, but it is on the surface only. The -lion pounces on him, the rhinoceros crushes him, the serpent bites, insects -torture, diseases rack him. Disease worked its dreary will even among the -flower-crowned Polynesians. Returning to our -own country, this very thyme which scents my fingers did not grow for that -purpose, but for its own. So does the wheat beneath; we utilise it, but its -original and native purpose was for itself. By night it is the same as by -day; the stars care not, they pursue their courses revolving, and we are -nothing to them. There is nothing human in the whole round of nature. -All nature, all the universe that we can see, is absolutely indifferent to -us, and except to us human life is of no more value than grass. If the -entire human race perished at this hour, what difference would it make to -the -earth? What would the earth care? As much as for the extinct dodo, or for -the fate of the elephant now going. - -On the contrary, a great part, perhaps the whole, of nature and -of the universe is distinctly anti-human. The term inhuman does -not express my meaning, anti-human is better; outre-human, in -the sense of beyond, outside, almost grotesque in its attitude -towards, would nearly convey it. Everything is anti-human. How -extraordinary, strange, and incomprehensible are the creatures -captured out of the depths of the sea! The distorted fishes; the ghastly -cuttles; the hideous eel-like shapes; the crawling shell-encrusted things; -the centipede-like beings; monstrous -forms, to see which gives a shock to the brain. They shock the -mind because they exhibit an absence of design. There is no -idea in them. - -They have no shape, form, grace, or purpose; they call up a vague sense of -chaos, chaos which the mind revolts from. It -would be a relief to the thought if they ceased to be, and -utterly disappeared from the sea. They are not inimical of -intent towards man, not even the shark; but there the shark is, -and that is enough. These miserably hideous things of the sea -are not anti-human in the sense of persecution, they are outside, they are -ultra and beyond. It is like looking into -chaos, and it is vivid because these creatures, interred alive a -hundred fathoms deep, are seldom seen; so that the mind sees -them as if only that moment they had come into existence. Use -has not habituated it to them, so that their anti-human character is at once -apparent, and stares at us with glassy eye. - -But it is the same in reality with the creatures on the earth. -There are some of these even now to which use has not accus- -tomed the mind. Such, for instance, as the toad. At its -shapeless shape appearing in an unexpected corner many people -start and exclaim. They are aware that they shall receive no -injury from it, yet it affrights them, it sends a shock to the -mind. The reason lies in its obviously anti-human character. -All the designless, formless chaos of chance-directed matter, -without idea or human plan, squats there embodied in the -pathway. By watching the creature, and convincing the mind -from observation that it is harmless, and even has uses, the -horror wears away. But still remains the form to which the -mind can never reconcile itself. Carved in wood it is still -repellent. - -Or suddenly there is a rustle like a faint hiss in the grass, -and a green snake glides over the bank. The breath in the -chest seems to lose its vitality; for an instant the nerves -refuse to transmit the force of life. The gliding yellow-streaked worm is so -utterly opposed to the ever present Idea in the mind. Custom may reduce the -horror, but no long pondering can ever bring that creature within the pale -of the human Idea. These are so distinctly opposite and anti-human that -thousands of years have not sufficed to soften their outline. Various -insects and creeping creatures excite the same sense in lesser degrees. -Animals and birds in general do not. The tiger is dreaded, but causes no -disgust. The exception is in those that feed on offal. Horses and dogs we -love; we not only do not recognise anything opposite in them, we come to -love them. - -They are useful to us, they show more or less sympathy with us, -they possess, especially the horse, a certain grace of movement. -A gloss, as it were, is thrown over them by these attributes and -by familiarity. The shape of the horse to the eye has become -conventional: it is accepted. Yet the horse is not in any -sense human. Could we look at it suddenly, without previous -acquaintance, as at strange fishes in a tank, the ultra-human -character of the horse would be apparent. It is the curves of -the neck and body that carry the horse past without adverse -comment. Examine the hind legs in detail, and the curious -backward motion, the shape and anti-human curves become apparent. -Dogs take us by their intelligence, but they have no hand; pass -the hand over the dog's head, and the shape of the skull to the -sense of feeling is almost as repellent as the form of the toad -to the sense of sight. We have gradually gathered around us all -the creatures that are less markedly anti-human, horses and dogs -and birds, but they are still themselves. They originally -existed like the wheat, for themselves; we utilise them, but they are not of -us. - -There is nothing human in any living animal. All nature, the universe as far -as we see, is anti- or ultra-human, outside, and has no concern with man. -These things are unnatural to him. By no course of reasoning, however -tortuous, can nature and the universe be fitted to the mind. Nor can the -mind be fitted to the cosmos. My mind cannot be twisted to it; I am separate -altogether from these designless things. The soul cannot be wrested down to -them. The laws of nature are of no importance to it. I refuse to be bound by -the laws of the tides, nor am I so bound. Though bodily swung round on this -rotating globe, my mind always remains in the centre. No tidal law, no -rotation, no gravitation can control my thought. - -Centuries of thought have failed to reconcile and fit the mind -to the universe, which is designless, and purposeless, and -without idea. I will not endeavour to fit my thought to it any longer; I -find and believe myself to be distinct--separate; and I will labour in -earnest to obtain the highest culture for myself. As these natural things -have no connection with man, it follows again that the natural is the -strange and mysterious, and the supernatural the natural. - -There being nothing human in nature or the universe, and all -things being ultra-human and without design, shape, or purpose, -I conclude that, no deity has anything to do with nature. -There is no god in nature, nor in any matter anywhere, either -in the clods on the earth or in the composition of the stars. -For what we understand by the deity is the purest form of Idea, -of Mind, and no mind is exhibited in these. That which -controls them is distinct altogether from deity. It is not -force in the sense of electricity, nor a deity as god, nor a -spirit, not even an intelligence, but a power quite different to anything -yet imagined. I cease, therefore, to look for deity in nature or the cosmos -at large, or to trace any marks of divine handiwork. I search for traces of -this force which is not god, and is certainly not the higher than deity of -whom I have written. It is a force without a mind. I wish to indicate -something more subtle than electricity, but absolutely devoid of -consciousness, and with no more feeling than the force which liftsthe tides. - -Next, in human affairs, in the relations of man with man, in the -conduct of life, in the events that occur, in human affairs -generally everything happens by chance. No prudence in conduct, -no wisdom or foresight can effect anything, for the most trivial -circumstance will upset the deepest plan of the wisest mind. As -Xenophon observed in old times, wisdom is like casting dice and -determining your course by the number that appears. Virtue, humanity, the -best and most beautiful conduct is wholly in vain. The history of thousands -of years demonstrates it. In all these years there is no more moving -instance on record than that of Danae, when she was dragged to the -precipice, two thousand years ago. Sophron was governor of Ephesus, and -Laodice plotted to assassinate him. Danae discovered the plot,and warned -Sophron, who fled, and saved his life. Laodice--the murderess in intent--had -Danae seized and cast from a cliff. On the verge Danae said that some -persons despised the deity, and they might now prove the justice of their -contempt by her fate. For having saved the man who was to her as a husband, -she was rewarded in this way with cruel death by the deity, but Laodice was -advanced to honour. The bitterness of these words remains to this hour. - -In truth the deity, if responsible for such a thing, or for -similar things which occur now, should be despised. One must -always despise the fatuous belief in such a deity. But as -everything in human affairs obviously happens by chance, it is -clear that no deity is responsible. If the deity guides chance -in that manner, then let the deity be despised. Apparently the -deity does not interfere, and all things happen by chance. I -cease, therefore, to look for traces of the deity in life, -because no such traces exist. - -I conclude that there is an existence, a something higher than -soul--higher, better, and more perfect than deity. Earnestly I -pray to find this something better than a god. There is something superior, -higher,more good. For this I search, labour, think, and pray. If after all -there be nothing, and my soul has to go out like a flame, yet even then I -have thought this while it lives. With the whole force of my existence, with -the whole force of my thought, mind, and soul, I pray to find this Highest -Soul, this greater than deity, this better than god. Give me to live the -deepest soul-life now and always with this Soul. For want of words I write -soul, but I think that it is something beyond soul. - -CHAPTER V - -IT is not possible to narrate these incidents of the mind in -strict order. I must now return to a period earlier than -anything already narrated, and pass in review other phases of my -search from then up till recently. So long since that I have -forgotten the date, I used every morning to visit a spot where I -could get a clear view of the east. Immediately on rising I -went out to some elms; thence I could see across the dewy fields -to the distant hill over or near which the sun rose. These elms partially -hid me, for at that time I had a dislike to being seen, feeling that I -should be despised if I was noticed. This happened once or twice, and I knew -I was watched contemptuously, -though no one had the least idea of my object. But I went -every morning, and was satisfied if I could get two or three minutes to -think unchecked. Often I saw the sun rise over the line of the hills, but if -it was summer the sun had been up a long time. - -I looked at the hills, at the dewy grass, and then up through -the elm branches to the sky. In a moment all that was behind -me, the house, the people, the sounds, seemed to disappear, and to leave me -alone. Involuntarily I drew a long breath, then I -breathed slowly. My thought, or inner consciousness, went up through the -illumined sky, and I was lost in a moment of exaltation. This only lasted a -very short time, perhaps only -part of a second, and while it lasted there was no formulated wish. I was -absorbed; I drank the beauty of the morning; I was exalted. When it ceased -I did wish for some increase or enlargement of my existence to correspond -with the largeness of feeling I had momentarily enjoyed. Sometimes the wind -came through the tops of the elms, and the slender boughs bent, and gazing -up through them, and beyond the fleecy clouds, I felt lifted up. The light -coming across the grass and leaving itself on the dew-drops, the sound of -the wind, and the sense of mounting to the lofty heaven, filled me with a -deep sigh, a wish to draw something out of the beauty of it, some part of -that which caused my admiration, the subtle inner essence. - -Sometimes the green tips of the highest boughs seemed gilded, -the light laid a gold on the green. Or the trees bowed to a -stormy wind roaring through them, the grass threw itself down, and in the -east broad curtains of a rosy tint stretched along. The light was turned to -redness in the vapour, and rain hid the -summit of the hill. In the rush and roar of the stormy wind the -same exaltation, the same desire, lifted me for a moment. I went there every -morning, I could not exactly define why; it was like going to a rose bush to -taste the scent of the flower and feel the dew from its petals on the lips. -But I desired the beauty--the inner subtle meaning--to be in me, that I -might have it, and with it an existence of a higher kind. - -Later on I began to have daily pilgrimages to think these things. There was -a feeling that I must go somewhere, and be alone. It was a necessity to have -a few minutes of this separate life every day; my mind required to live its -own life apart from other things. A great oak at a short distance was one -resort, and sitting on the grass at the roots, or leaning against the trunk -and looking over the quiet meadows towards the bright southern sky, I could -live my own life a little while. Behind the trunk I was alone; I liked to -lean against it; to touch the lichenon the rough bark. High in the wood of -branches the birds were not alarmed; they sang, or called, and passed to and -fro happily. The wind moved the leaves, and they replied to it softly; and -now at this distance of time I can see the fragments of sky up through the -boughs. Bees were always humming in the green field; ring-doves went over -swiftly, flying for the woods. - -Of the sun I was conscious; I could not look at it, but the boughs held back -the beams so that I could feel the sun's -presence pleasantly. They shaded the sun, yet let me know that -it was there. There came to me a delicate, but at the same time -a deep, strong, and sensuous enjoyment of the beautiful green -earth, the beautiful sky and sun; I felt them, they gave me -inexpressible delight, as if they embraced and poured out their love upon -me. It was I who loved them, for my heart was broader than the earth; it is -broader now than even then, more thirsty and desirous. After the sensuous -enjoyment always came the thought, the desire: That I might be like this; -that I might have the inner meaning of the sun, the light, the earth, the -trees and grass, translated into some growth of excellence in myself, both -of body and of mind; greater perfection of physique, greater perfection of -mind and soul; that I might be higher in myself. To this oak I came daily -for a long time; sometimes only for a minute, for just to view the spot was -enough. In the bitter cold of spring, when the north wind blackened -everything, I used to come now and then at night to look from under the bare -branches at the splendour of the southern sky. The stars burned with -brilliance, broad Orion and flashing Sirius--there are more or brighter -constellations visible then than all the year: and the clearness of the air -and the blackness of the sky--black, not clouded--let them gleam in their -fulness. They lifted me--they gave me fresh vigour of soul. Not all that the -stars could have given, had they been destinies, could have satiated me. -This, all this, and -more, I wanted in myself. - -There was a place a mile or so along the road where the hills -could be seen much better; I went there frequently to think the -same thought. Another spot was by an elm, a very short walk, -where openings in the trees, and the slope of the ground, -brought the hills well into view. This too, was a favourite -thinking-place. Another was a wood, half an hour's walk -distant, through part of which a rude track went, so that it was -not altogether inclosed. The ash-saplings, and the trees, the -firs, the hazel bushes--to be among these enabled me to be -myself. From the buds of spring to the berries of autumn, I -always liked to be there. Sometimes in spring there was a sheen of -blue-bells covering acres; the doves cooed; the blackbirds whistled sweetly; -there was a taste of green things in the air. But it was the tall firs that -pleased me most; the glance rose up the flame-shaped fir-tree, tapering to -its green tip, and above was the azure sky. By aid of the tree I felt the -sky more. By aid of everything beautiful I felt myself, and in that intense -sense of consciousness prayed for greater perfection of soul and body. - -Afterwards, I walked almost daily more than two miles along the -road to a spot where the hills began, where from the first rise -the road could be seen winding southwards over the hills, open -and uninclosed. I paused a minute or two by a clump of firs, in -whose branches the wind always sighed--there is always a movement of the air -on a hill. Southwwards the sky was illumined by the sun, southwards the -clouds moved across the opening or pass in the amphitheatre, and southwards, -though far distant, was the sea. There I could think a moment. These -pilgrimages gave me a few sacred minutes daily; the moment seemed holy when -the thought or desire came in its full force. - -A time came when, having to live in a town, these pilgrimages -had to be suspended. The wearisome work on which I was engaged -would not permit of them. But I used to look now and then, from -a window, in the evening at a birch-tree at some distance; its -graceful boughs drooped across the glow of the sunset. The -thought was not suspended; it lived in me always. A bitterer -time still came when it was necessary to be separated from those -I loved. There is little indeed in the more immediate suburbs -of London to gratify the sense of the beautiful. Yet there was a cedar by -which I used to walk up and down, and think the -same thoughts as under the great oak in the solitude of the sunlit meadows. -In the course of slow time happier circumstances brought us together again, -and, though near London, at a spot where there was easy access to meadows -and woods. Hills that purify those who walk on them there were -not. Still I thought my old thoughts. - -I was much in London, and, engagements completed, I wandered about in the -same way as in the woods of former days. From the -stone bridges I looked down on the river; the gritty dust, the -straws that lie on the bridges, flew up and whirled round with -every gust from the flowing tide; gritty dust that settles in -the nostrils and on the lips, the very residuum of all that is -repulsive in the greatest city of the world. The noise of the -traffic and the constant pressure from the crowds passing, -their incessant and disjointed talk, could not distract me. One moment at -least I had, a moment when I thought of the push of the great sea forcing -the water to flow under the feet of these crowds, the distant sea strong and -splendid; when I saw the sunlight gleam on the tidal wavelets; when I felt -the wind, and was conscious of the earth, the sea, the sun, the air, the -immense forces working on, while the city hummed by the river. Nature was -deepened by the crowds and foot-worn stones. If the tide had ebbed, and the -masts of the vessels were tilted as the hulls rested on the shelving mud, -still even the blackened mud did not prevent me seeing the water as water -flowing to the sea. The sea had drawn down, and the wavelets washing the -strand here as they hastened were running the faster to it. Eastwards from -London Bridge the river raced to the ocean. - -The bright morning sun of summer heated the eastern parapet of -London Bridge; I stayed in the recess to acknowledge it. The -smooth water was a broad sheen of light, the built-up river -flowed calm and silent by a thousand doors, rippling only where -the stream chafed against a chain. Red pennants drooped, gilded -vanes gleamed on polished masts, black-pitched hulls glistened -like a black rook's feathers in sunlight; the clear air cut out -the forward angles of the warehouses, the shadowed wharves were -quiet in shadows that carried light; far down the ships that -were hauling out moved in repose, and with the stream floated -away into the summer mist. There was a faint blue colour in the -air hovering between the built-up banks, against the lit walls, -in the hollows of the houses. The swallows wheeled and climbed, twittered -and glided downwards. Burning on, the great sun stood in the sky, heating -the parapet, glowing steadfastly upon me as when I rested in the narrow -valley grooved out in prehistoric -times. Burning on steadfast, and ever present as my thought. -Lighting the broad river, the broad walls; lighting the least speck of dust; -lighting the great heaven; gleaming on my -finger-nail. The fixed point of day--the sun. I was intensely -conscious of it; I felt it; I felt the presence of the immense -powers of the universe; I felt out into the depths of the ether. So -intensely conscious of the sun, the sky, the limitless space, I felt too in -the midst of eternity then, in the midst of the supernatural, among the -immortal, and the greatness of the material realised the spirit. By these I -saw my soul; by these I knew the supernatural to be more intensely real than -the sun. I touched the supernatural, the immortal, there that moment. - -When, weary of walking on the pavements, I went to rest in the -National Gallery, I sat and rested before one or other of the -human pictures. I am not a picture lover: they are flat surfaces, but those -that I call human are nevertheless -beautiful. The knee in Daphnis and Chloe and the breast are -like living things; they draw the heart towards them, the heart -must love them. I lived in looking; without beauty there is no -life for me, the divine beauty of flesh is life itself to me. -The shoulder in the Surprise, the rounded rise of the bust, the -exquisite tints of the ripe skin, momentarily gratified the sea- -thirst in me. For I thirst with all the thirst of the salt sea, -and the sun-heated sands dry for the tide, with all the sea I -thirst for beauty. And I know full well that one lifetime, -however long, cannot fill my heart. My throat and tongue and -whole body have often been parched and feverish dry with -this measureless thirst, and again moist to the fingers' ends -like a sappy bough. It burns in me as the sun burns in the -sky. - -The glowing face of Cytherea in Titian's Venus and Adonis, the -heated cheek, the lips that kiss each eye that gazes on them, -the desiring glance, the golden hair--sunbeams moulded into -features--this face answered me. Juno's wide back and mesial -groove, is any thing so lovely as the back ? Cythereals poised -hips unveiled for judgment; these called up the same thirst I -felt on the green sward in the sun, on the wild beach listening -to the quiet sob as the summer wave drank at the land. I will -search the world through for beauty. I came here and sat to -rest before these in the days when I could not afford to buy so -much as a glass of ale, weary and faint from walking on stone -pavements. I came later on, in better times, often straight -from labours which though necessary will ever be distasteful, always to rest -my heart with loveliness. I go still; the divine beauty of flesh is life -itself to me. It was, and is, one of my London pilgrimages. - -Another was to the Greek sculpture galleries in the British -Museum. The statues are not, it is said, the best; broken too, and -mutilated, and seen in a dull, commonplace light. But they were -shape--divine shape of man and woman; the form of limb and torso, of bust -and neck, gave me a sighing sense of rest. These were they who would have -stayed with me under the shadow of the -oaks while the blackbirds fluted and the south air swung the -cowslips. They would have walked with me among the reddened -gold of the wheat. They would have rested with me on the hill-tops and in -the narrow valley grooved of ancient times. They would have listened with me -to the sob of the summer sea drinking theland. These had thirsted of sun, -and earth, -and sea, and sky. Their shape spoke this thirst and desire like -mine--if I had lived with them from Greece till now -I should not have had enough of them. Tracing the form of limb and torso -with the eye gave me a sense of rest. - -Sometimes I came in from the crowded streets and ceaseless hum; -one glance at these shapes and I became myself. Sometimes I came from the -Reading-room, where under the dome I often looked up from the desk and -realised the crushing hopelessness of books, useless, not equal to one -bubble borne along on the running brook I had walked by, giving no thought -like the spring when I lifted the water in my hand and saw the light gleam -on it. Torso and limb, bust and neck instantly returned me to myself; I felt -as I did lying on the turf listening to the wind among the grass; it would -have seemed natural to have found butterflies fluttering among he statues. -The same deep desire was with me. I shall always go to speak to them; they -are a place of pilgrimage; wherever there is a beautiful statue there is a -place of pilgrimage. - -I always stepped aside, too, to look awhile at the head of -Julius Caesar. The domes of the swelling temples of his broad -head are full of mind, evident to the eye as a globe is full of -substance to the sense of feeling in the hands that hold it. -The thin worn cheek is entirely human; endless difficulties -surmounted by endless labour are marked in it, as the sandblast, -by dint of particles ceaselessly driven, carves the hardest -material. If circumstances favoured him he made those -circumstances his own by marvellous labour, so as justly to -receive the credit of chance. Therefore the thin cheek is entirely -human--the sum of human life made visible in one -face--labour, and endurance, and mind, and all in vain. A -shadow--of deep sadness has gathered on it in the years that -have passed, because endurance was without avail. It is sadder -to look at than the grass-grown tumulus I used to sit by, -because it is a personality, and also on account of the extreme -folly of our human race ever destroying our greatest. - -Far better had they endeavoured, however hopelessly, to keep him -living till this day. Did but the race this hour possess one- -hundredth part of his breadth of view, how happy for them! Of -whom else can it be said that he had no enemies to forgive -because he recognised no enemy? Nineteen hundred years ago he -put in actual practice, with more arbitrary power than any -despot, those very principles of humanity which are now put -forward as the highest culture. But he made them to be actual things under -his sway. - -The one man filled with mind; the one man without avarice, -anger, pettiness, littleness; the one man generous and truly -great of all history. It is enough to make one despair to think -of the mere brutes butting to death the great-minded Caesar. He -comes nearest to the ideal of a design-power arranging the -affairs of the world for good in practical things. Before his -face--the divine brow of mind above, the human suffering-drawn -cheek beneath--my own thought became set and strengthened. That -I could but look at things in the broad way he did; that I -could not possess one particle of such width of intellect to -guide my own course, to cope with and drag forth from the iron- -resisting forces of the universe some one thing of my prayer for -the soul and for the flesh. - -CHAPTER VI - -THERE is a place in front of the Royal Exchange where the wide -pavement reaches out like a promontory. It is in the shape of a -triangle with a rounded apex. A stream of traffic runs on either side, and -other streets send their currents down into the -open space before it. Like the spokes of a wheel converging -streams of human life flow into this agitated pool. Horses and carriages, -carts, vans, omnibuses, cabs, every kind of conveyance cross each other's -course in every possible direction. Twisting in and out by the wheels and -under the horses' heads, working a devious way, men and women of -all conditions wind a path over. They fill the interstices -between the carriages and blacken the surface, till the -vans almost float on human beings. Now the streams slacken, and now they -rush amain, but never cease; dark waves are always rolling down the incline -opposite, waves swell out from the side rivers, all London converges into -this focus. There is an indistinguishable noise--it is not clatter, hum, or -roar, it is not resolvable; made up of a thousand thousand footsteps, from a -thousand hoofs, a thousand wheels--of haste, and shuffle, and quick -movements, and ponderous loads; no attention can resolve it into a fixed -sound. - -Blue carts and yellow omnibuses, varnished carriages and brown -vans, green omnibuses and red cabs, pale loads of yellow straw, -rusty-red iron cluking on pointless carts, high white wool- -packs, grey horses, bay horses, black teams; sunlight sparkling -on brass harness, gleaming from carriage panels; jingle, jingle, -jingle! An intermixed and intertangled, ceaselessly changing jingle, too,of -colour; flecks of colour champed, as it were, like bits in the horses' -teeth, frothed and strewn about, and a surface always of dark-dressed people -winding like the curves on fast-flowing water. This is the vortex and -whirlpool, the centre of human life today on the earth. Now the tide rises -and now it sinks, but the flow of these rivers always continues. Here it -seethes and whirls, not for an hour only, but for all present time, hour by -hour, day by day, year by year. - -Here it rushes and pushes, the atoms triturate and grind, and, -eagerly thrusting by, pursue their separate ends. Here it -appears in its unconcealed personality, indifferent to all else -but itself, absorbed and rapt in eager self, devoid and stripped -of conventional gloss and politeness, yielding only to get its own way; -driving, pushing, carried on in a stress of feverish force like a bullet, -dynamic force apart from reason or will, like the force that lifts the tides -and sends the clouds onwards. The friction of a thousand interests evolves a -condition of electricity in which men are moved to and fro without -considering their steps. Yet the agitated pool of life is stonily -indifferent, the thought is absent or preoccupied, for it is evident that -the mass are unconscious of the scene in -which they act. - -But it is more sternly real than the very stones, for all these -men and women that pass through are driven on by the push of -accumulated circumstances; they cannot stay, they must go, -their necks are in the slave's ring, they are beaten like -seaweed against the solid walls of fact. In ancient times, -Xerxes, the king of kings, looking down upon his myriads, wept to think that -in a hundred years not one of them would be left. Where will be these -millions of to-day in a hundred years? But, further than that, let us ask, -Where then will be the sum and outcome of their labour? If they wither away -like summer grass, will not at least a result be left which those of a -hundred years hence may be the better for? No, not one jot! There will not -be any sum or outcome or result of this ceaseless labour and movement; it -vanishes in the moment that it is done, and in a hundred years nothing will -be there, for nothing is there now. There will be no more sum or result than -accumulates from the motion of a revolving cowl on a housetop. Nor do they -receive any more sunshine during their lives, for they are unconscious of -the sun. - -I used to come and stand near the apex of the promontory of pavement which -juts out towards the pool of life; I still go there to ponder. Burning in -the sky, the sun shone on me as when I rested in the narrow valley carved in -prehistoric time. -Burning in the sky, I can never forget the sun. The heat of summer is dry -there as if the light carried an impalpable dust; dry, breathless heat that -will not let the skin respire, but -swathes up the dry fire in the blood. But beyond the heat and light, I felt -the presence of the sun as I felt it in the solitary valley, the presence of -the resistless forces of the -universe; the sun burned in the sky as I stood and pondered. Is there any -theory, philosophy, or creed, is there any system or -culture, any formulated method able to meet and satisfy each separate item -of this agitated pool of human life? By which they may be guided, by which -hope, by which look forward? Not a mere illusion of the craven -heart--something real, as real as the solid walls of fact against which, -like drifted sea-weed, they are dashed; something to give each separate -personality sunshine and a flower in its own existence now; something to -shape this million-handed labour to an end and outcome that will leave more -sunshine and more flowers to those who must succeed? Something real now, and -not in the spirit-land; in this hour now, as I stand and the sun burns. Can -any creed, philosophy, system, or culture endure the test and remain -unmolten in this fierce focus ofhuman life? - -Consider, is there anything slowly painted on the once mystic and now -commonplace papyri of ancient, ancient Egypt, held on the mummy's withered -breast? In that elaborate ritual, in the procession of the symbols, in the -winged circle, in the laborious sarcophagus? Nothing; absolutely nothing! -Before the -fierce heat of the human furnace, the papyri smoulder away as paper -smoulders under a lens in the sun. Remember Nineveh and -the cult of the fir-cone, the turbaned and bearded bulls of -stone, the lion hunt, the painted chambers loaded with tile -books, the lore of the arrow-headed writing. What is in -Assyria? There are sand, and failing rivers, and in Assyria's -writings an utter nothing. The aged caves of India, who shall -tell when they were sculptured? Far back when the sun was -burning, burning in the sky as now in untold precedent time. -Is there any meaning in those ancient caves? The indistinguish-able noise -not to be resolved, born of the human struggle, mocks in answer. - -In the strange characters of the Zend, in the Sanscrit, in the -effortless creed of Confucius, in the Aztec coloured-string -writings and rayed stones, in the uncertain marks left of the -sunken Polynesian continent, hieroglyphs as useless as those of -Memphis, nothing. Nothing! They have been tried, and were found an illusion. -Think then, to-day, now looking from this apex -of the pavement promontory outwards from our own land to the utmost bounds -of the farthest sail, is there any faith or culture at this hour which can -stand in this fierce heat? From the various forms of Semitic, Aryan, or -Turanian creed now existing, from the printing-press to the palm-leaf volume -on to those who call on the jewel in the lotus, can aught be gathered which -can face this, the Reality? The indistinguishable noise, non-resolvable, -roars a loud contempt. - -Turn, then, to the calm reasoning of Aristotle; is there -anything in that? Can the half-divine thought of Plato, rising -in storeys of sequential ideas, following each other to the -conclusion, endure here? No! All the philosophers in Diogenes -Laertius fade away: the theories of medimval days; the organon -of experiment; down to this hour--they are useless alike. The -science of this hour, drawn from the printing-press in an endless web of -paper, is powerless here; the indistinguishable noise echoed from the -smoke-shadowed walls despises the whole. A thousand footsteps, a thousand -hoofs, a thousand wheels roll over and utterly contemn them in complete -annihilation. Mere illusions of heart or mind, they are tested and thrust -aside by the irresistible push of a million converging feet. - -Burning in the sky, the sun shines as it shone on me in the -solitary valley, as it burned on when the earliest cave of India -was carved. Above the indistinguishable roar of the many feet I -feel the presence of the sun, of the immense forces of the -universe, and beyond these the sense of the eternal now, of the -immortal. Full well aware that all has failed, yet, side by -side with the sadness of that knowledge, there lives on in me an -unquenchable belief, thought burning like the sun, that there is yet -something to be found, something real, something to give each separate -personality sunshine and flowers in its own existence now. Something to -shape this million-handed labour to an end and outcome, leaving accumulated -sunshine and flowers to those who shall succeed. It must be dragged forth by -might of thought from the immense forces of the universe. - -To prepare for such an effort, first the mind must be cleared of -the conceit that, because we live to-day, we are wiser than the -ages gone. The mind must acknowledge its ignorance; all the -learning and lore of so many eras must be erased from it as an -encumbrance. It is not from past or present knowledge, science -or faith, that it is to be drawn. Erase these altogether as they are erased -under the fierce heat of the focus before me. Begin wholly afresh. Go -straight to the sun, the immense forces of the universe, to the Entity -unknown; go higher than a god; deeper than prayer; and open a new day. That -I might but have a fragment of Caesar's intellect to find a fragment of this -desire! - ->From my home near London I made a pilgrimage almost daily to an -aspen by a brook. It was a mile and a quarter along the road, -far enough for me to walk off the concentration of mind -necessary for work. The idea of the pilgrimage was to get away -from the endless and nameless circumstances of everyday -existence, which by degrees build a wall about the mind so that -it travels in a constantly narrowing circle. This tether of the -faculties tends to make them accept present knowledge, and -present things, as all that can be attained to. This is all-- -there is nothing more--is the iterated preaching of house-life. -Remain; becontent; go round and round in one barren path, a -little money, a little food and sleep, some ancient fables, -old age and death. Of all the inventions of casuistry with man for ages has -in various ways which manacled himself, and stayed his own advance, there is -none equally potent with the supposition that nothing more is possible. Once -well impress on the mind that it has already all, that advance is impossible -because there is nothing further, and it is chained like a horse to an iron -pin in the ground. It is the most deadly--the most fatal poison of the mind. -No such casuistry has ever for a moment held me, but still, if permitted, -the constant routine of house-life, the same work, the same thought in the -work, the little circumstances regularly recurring, will dull the keenest -edge of thought. By my daily pilgrimage, I escaped from it back to the sun. - -In summer the leaves of the aspen rustled pleasantly, there was -the tinkle of falling water over a hatch, thrushes sang and -blackbirds whistled, greenfinches laughed in their talk to each -other. The commonplace dusty road was commonplace no longer. -In the dust was the mark of the chaffinches' little feet; the -white light rendered even the dust brighter to look on. The air -came from the south-west--there were distant hills in that -direction--over fields of grass and corn. As I visited the spot -from day to day the wheat grew from green to yellow, the wild -roses flowered, the scarlet poppies appeared, and again the -beeches reddened in autumn. In the march of time there fell -away from my mind, as the leaves from the trees in autumn, the -last traces and relics of superstitions and traditions acquired -compulsorily in childhood. Always feebly adhering, they finally -disappeared. - -There fell away, too, personal bias and prejudices, enabling me -to see clearer and with wider sympathies. The glamour of -modern science and discoveries faded away, for I found them no -more than the first potter's wheel. Erasure and reception -proceeded together; the past accumulations of casuistry were -erased, and my thought widened to receive the idea of something -beyond all previous ideas. With disbelief, belief increased. -The aspiration and hope, the prayer, was the same as that which -I felt years before on the hills, only it now broadened. - -Experience of life, instead of curtailing and checking my prayer, led me to -reject experience altogether. As well might -the horse believe that the road the bridle forces it to traverse -every day encircles the earth as I believe in experience. All -the experience of the greatest city in the world could not -withhold me. I rejected it wholly. I stood bare-headed before -the sun, in the presence of the earth and air, in the presence -of the immense forces of the universe. I demand that which will make me more -perfect now, this hour. London convinced me of my own thought. That thought -has always been with me, and always grows wider. - -One midsummer I went out of the road into the fields, and sat -down on the grass between the yellowing wheat and the green -hawthorn bushes. The sun burned in the sky, the wheat was full -of a luxuriant sense of growth, the grass high, the earth giving -its vigour to tree and leaf, the heaven blue. The vigour and -growth, the warmth and light, the beauty and richness of it -entered into me; an ecstasy of soul accompanied the delicate -excitement of the senses: the soul rose with the body. Rapt in -the fulness of the moment, I prayed there with all that -expansion of mind and frame; no words, no definition, -inexpressible desire of physical life, of soul-life, equal to -and beyond the highest imagining of my heart. - -These memories cannot be placed in exact chronological order. -There was a time when a weary restlessness came upon me, perhaps from -too-long-continued labour. It was like a drought--a moral drought--as if I -had been absent for many years from the sources of life and hope. The inner -nature was faint, all was dry and tasteless; I was weary for the pure, fresh -springs of thought. Some instinctive feeling uncontrollable drove me to the -sea; I was so under its influence that I could not arrange the journey so as -to get the longest day. I merely started, and of course had to wait and -endure much inconvenience. To get to the sea at some quiet spot was my one -thought; to do so I had to travel farther, and from want of prearrangement -it was between two and three in the afternoon before I reached the end of my -journey. Even then, being too much preoccupied to inquire the way, I missed -the road and had to walk a long distance before coming to the shore. But I -found the sea at last; I walked beside it in a trance away from the houses -out into the wheat. he ripe corn stood up to the beach, the waves on one -side of the shingle, and the yellow wheat on the other. - -There, alone, I went down to the sea. I stood where the foam -came to my feet, and looked out over the sunlit waters. The -great earth bearing the richness of the harvest, and its hills -golden with corn, was at my back; its strength and firmness -under me. The great sun shone above, the wide sea was before -me, the wind came sweet and strong from the waves. The life of -the earth and the sea, the glow of the sun filled me; I touched -the surge with my hand, I lifted my face to the sun, I opened my -lips to the wind. I prayed aloud in the roar of the waves--my -soul was strong as the sea and prayed with the sea's might. Give me fulness -of life like to the sea and the sun, to the earth and the air; give me -fulness of physical life, mind equal and beyond their fulness; give me a -greatness and perfection of soul higher than all things; give me my -inexpressible desire which swells in me like a tide--give it to me with all -the force of the sea. - -Then I rested, sitting by the wheat; the bank of beach was -between me and the sea, but the waves beat against it; the sea -was there, the sea was present and at hand. By the dry wheat I -rested, I did not think, I was inhaling the richness of the sea, -all the strength and depth of meaning of the sea and earth came -to me again. I rubbed out some of the wheat in my hands, I took -up a piece of clod and crumbled it in my fingers--it was a joy to touch -it--I held my hand so that I could see the sunlight gleam on the slightly -moist surface of the skin. The earth and sunwere to me like my flesh and -blood, and the air of the sea -life. - -With all the greater existence I drew from them I prayed for a -bodily life equal to it, for a soul-life beyond my thought, for -my inexpressible desire of more than I could shape even into -idea. There was something higher than idea, invisible to -thought as air to the eye; give me bodily life equal in fulness -to the strength of earth, and sun, and sea; give me the soul- -life of my desire. Once more I went down to the sea, touched -it, and said farewell. So deep was the inhalation of this life -that day, that it seemed to remain in me for years. This was a -real pilgrimage. - -Time passed away, with more labour, pleasure, and again at last, after much -pain and wearinesss of mind, I came down again to the sea. The circumstances -were changed--it was not a hurried glance--there were opportunities for -longer thought. It mattered scarcely anything to me now whether I was alone, -or whether houses and other people were near. Nothing could disturb my -inner vision. By the sea, aware of the sun overhead, and the -blue heaven, I feel that there is nothing between me and space. -This is the verge of a gulf, and a tangent from my feet goes -straight unchecked into the unnknown. It is the edge of the abyss as much as -if the earth were cut away in a sheer fall of -eight thousand miles to the sky beneath, thence a hollow to the -stars. Looking straight out is looking straight down; the eye- -glance gradually departs from the sea-level, and, rising as that -falls, enters the hollow of heaven. It is gazing along the face -of a vast precipice into the hollow space which is nameless. - -There mystery has been placed, but realising the vast hollow -yonder makes me feel that the mystery is here. I, who am here -on the verge, standing on the margin of the sky, am in the mystery itself. -If I let my eye look back upon me from the extreme opposite of heaven, then -this spot where I stand is in the centre of the hollow. Alone with the sea -and sky, I presently feel all the depth and wonder of the unknown come back -surging up around, and touching me as the foam runs to my feet. I am in it -now, not to-morrow, this moment; I cannot escape from it. Though I may -deceive myself with labour, yet still I am in it; in sleep too. There is no -escape from this immensity. - -Feeling this by the sea, under the sun, my life enlarges and -quickens, striving to take to itself the largeness of the heaven. The frame -cannot expand, but the soul is able to stand -before it. No giant's body could be in proportion to the earth, -but a little spirit is equal to the entire cosmos, to earth and -ocean, sun and star-hollow. These are but a few acres to it. -Were the cosmos twice as wide, the soul could run over it, -and return to itself in a time so small, no measure exists to mete it. -Therefore, I think the soul may sometimes find out an existence as superior -as my mind is to the dead chalk cliff. - -With the great sun burning over the foamflaked sea, roofed with -heaven--aware of myself, a consciousness forced on me by these -things--I feel that thought must yet grow larger and correspond -in magnitude of conception to these. But these cannot content -me, these Titanic things of sea, and sun, and profundity; I feel -that my thought is stronger than they are. I burn life like a -torch. The hot light shot back from the sea scorches my cheek-- -my life is burning in me. The soul throbs like the sea for a -larger life. No thought which I have ever had has satisfied my -soul. - -CHAPTER VII - -MY strength is not enough to fulfil my desire; if I had the strength of the -ocean,and of the earth, the burning vigour of the sun implanted in my limbs, -it would hardly suffice to gratify the measureless desire of life which -possesses me. I have often walked the day long over the sward, and, -compelled -to pause, at length, in my weariness, I was full of the same eagerness with -which I started. The sinews would obey no longer, -but the will was the same. My frame could never take the violent exertion my -heart demanded. Labour of body was like meat -and drink to me. Over the open hills, up the steep ascents, mile after mile, -there was deep enjoyment in the long-drawn breath, -the spring of the foot, in the act of rapid movement. Never have I had -enough of it; I wearied long before I was satisfied, -and weariness did not bring a cessation of desire; the thirst was still -there. I rowed, I used the axe, I split tree-trunks with wedges; my arms -tired, but my spirit remained fresh and chafed against the physical -weariness. My arms were not -strong enough to satisfy me with the axe, or wedges, or oars. There was -delight in the moment, but it was not enough. I swam, -and what is more delicious than swimming? It is exercise and luxury at once. -But I could not swim far enough; I was always dissatisfied with myself on -leaving the water. -Nature has not given me a great frame, and had it done so I should still -have longed for more. I was out of doors all day, and often half the night; -still I wanted more sunshine, more air, the hours were too short. I feel -this even more now than in the violence of early youth: the hours are too -short, the day should be sixty hours long. Slumber, too, is abbreviated and -restricted; forty hours of night and sleep would not be too much. So little -can be accomplished in the longest summer day, so little rest and new force -is accumulated in a short eight hours of sleep. - -I live by the sea now; I can see nothing of it in a day; why, I -do but get a breath of it, and the sun sinks before I have well -begun to think. Life is so little and so mean. I dream sometimes backwards -of the ancient times. If I could have the bow of Ninus, and the earth full -of wild bulls and lions, to hunt them down, there would be rest in that. To -shoot with a gun is nothing; a mere touch discharges it. Give me a bow, that -I may enjoy the delight of feeling myself draw the string and -the strong wood bending, that I may see the rush of the arrow, and the broad -head bury itself deep in shaggy hide. Give me an iron mace that I may crush -the savage beast and hammer him down. A spear to thrust through with, so -that I may feel the long blade enter and the push of the shaft. The -unwearied strength of Ninus to hunt unceasingly in the fierce sun. Still I -should desire greater strength and a stouter bow, wilder creatures to -combat. The intense life of the senses, there is never enough for them. I -envy Semiramis; I would have been ten times Semiramis. I envy Nero, because -of the great concourse of beauty he saw. I should like to be loved by every -beautiful woman on earth, from the swart Nubian to the white and divine -Greek. - -Wine is pleasant and meat refreshing; but though I own with -absolute honesty that I like them, these are the least of all. -Of these two only have I ever had enough. The vehemence of exertion, the -vehemence of the spear, the vehemence of sunlight and life, the insatiate -desire of insatiate Semiramis, the still more insatiate desire of love, -divine and beautiful, the uncontrollable adoration of beauty, these--these: -give me these in greater abundance than was ever known to man or woman. The -strength of Hercules, the fulness of the senses, the richness of life, would -not in the least impair my desire of soul-life. On the reverse, with every -stronger beat of the pulse my desire of soul-life would expand. So it has -ever been with me; in hard exercise, in sensuous pleasure, in the embrace of -the sunlight, -even in the drinking of a glass of wine, my heart has been lifted the higher -towards perfection of soul. Fulness of physical life causes a deeper desire -of soul-life. - -Let me be physically perfect, in shape, vigour, and movement. -My frame, naturally slender, will not respond to labour, and increase in -proportion to effort, nor will exposure harden a -delicate skin. It disappoints me so far, but my spirit rises with the -effort, and my thought opens. This is the only profit of frost, the pleasure -of winter, to conquer cold, and to feel braced and strengthened by that -whose province it is to wither and destroy, making of cold, life's enemy, -life's renewer. The black north wind hardens the resolution as steel is -tempered in ice-water. It is a sensual joy, as sensuous as the warm -embrace of the sunlight, but fulness of physical life ever brings to me a -more eager desire of soul-life. - -Splendid it is to feel the boat rise to the roller, or forced through by the -sail to shear the foam aside like a share; splendid to undulate as the chest -lies on the wave, swimming, the brimming ocean round: then I know and feel -its deep strong tide, its immense fulness, and the sun glowing over; -splendid to climb the steep green hill: in these I feel myself, I drink the -exquisite joy of the senses, and my soul lifts itself with them. It is -beautiful even to watch a fine horse gallop, the long stride, the rush of -the wind as he passes--my heart beats quicker to the thud of the hoofs, and -I feel his strength. Gladly would I have the strength of the Tartar stallion -roaming the wild steppe; that very strength, what vehemence of soul-thought -would accompany it. But I should like it, too, for itself. For I believe, -with all my heart, in the body and -the flesh, and believe that it should be increased and made more -beautiful by every means. I believe--I do more than think--I -believe it to be a sacred duty, incumbent upon every one, man -and woman, to add to and encourage their physical life, by -exercise, and in every manner. A sacred duty each towards himself, and each -towards the whole of the human race. Each one of us should do some little -part for the physical good of the race--health, strength, vigour. here is -no harm therein to the soul: on the contrary, those who stunt their physical -life are most certainly stunting their souls. - -I believe all manner of asceticism to be the vilest blasphemy-- -blasphemy towards the whole of the human race. I believe in the -flesh and the body, which is worthy of worship--to see a perfect human body -unveiled causes a sense of worship. The ascetics are the only persons who -are impure. Increase of physical beauty is attended by increase of soul -beauty. The soul is the high even by gazing on beauty. Let me be fleshly -perfect. - -It is in myself that I desire increase, profit, and exaltation -of body, mind, and soul. The surroundings, the clothes, the dwelling, the -social status, the circumstances are to me utterly indifferent. Let the -floor of the room be bare, let the furniture be a plank table, the bed a -mere pallet. Let the house be plain and simple, but in the midst of air and -light. These are enough--a cave would be enough; in a warmer climate the -open air would suffice. Let me be furnished in myself with health, safety, -strength, the perfection of physical existence; let my mind be furnished -with highest thoughts of soul-life. Let me be in myself myself fully. The -pageantry of power, the still more -foolish pageantry of wealth, the senseless precedence of place; -words fail me to express my utter contempt for such pleasure or -such ambitions. Let me be in myself myself fully, and those I -love equally so. - -It is enough to lie on the sward in the shadow of green boughs, -to listen to the songs of summer, to drink in the sunlight, the air, the -flowers, the sky, the beauty of all. Or upon the hill-tops to watch the -white clouds rising over the curved hill-lines, their shadows descending the -slope. Or on the beach to listen to the sweet sigh as the smooth sea runs up -and recedes. It is lying beside the immortals, in-drawing the life of the -ocean, the earth, and the sun. - -I want to be always in company with these, with earth, and sun, -and sea, and stars by night. The pettiness of house-life--chairs and -tables--and the pettiness of observances, the petty necessity of useless -labour, useless because productive of nothing, chafe me the year through. I -want to be always in company with the sun, and sea, and earth. These, and -the stars by night, are my natural companions.My heart looks back and -sympathises with all the joy and life of ancient time. With the circling -dance burned in still attitude on the vase; with the chase and the hunter -eagerly pursuing, whose javelin trembles to be thrown; with the extreme fury -of feeling, the whirl of joy in the warriors from Marathon to the last -battle of Rome, not with the slaughter, but with the passion--the life in -the passion; with the garlands and the flowers; with all the breathing busts -that have panted beneath the sun. O beautiful human life! Tears come in my -eyes as I think of it. So beautiful, so inexpressibly beautiful! - -So deep is the passion of life that, if it were possible to live -again, it must be exquisite to die pushing the eager breast -against the sword. In the flush of strength to face the sharp -pain joyously, and laugh in the last glance of the sun--if only -to live again, now on earth, were possible. So subtle is the -chord of life that sometimes to watch troops marching in rhythmic order, -undulating along the column as the feet are lifted, brings tears in my eyes. -Yet could I have in my own heart all the passion, the love and joy, burned -in the breasts that have panted, breathing deeply, since the hour of Ilion, -yet still I should desire more. How willingly I would strew the paths of all -with flowers; how beautiful a delight to make the world joyous! The song -should never be silent, the dance never still, the laugh should sound like -water which runs for ever. - -I would submit to a severe discipline, and to go without many -things cheerfully, for the good and happiness of the human race -in the future. Each one of us should do something, however small, towards -that great end. At the present time the labour of our predecessors in this -country, in all other countries of the earth, is entirely wasted. We -live--that is, we snatch an existence--and ourworks become nothing. The -piling up of fortunes, the building of cities, the establishment of immense -commerce, ends in a cipher. These objects are so outside my idea that I -cannot understand them, and look upon the struggle in amazement. Not even -the pressure of poverty can force upon me an understanding of, and sympathy -with, these things. It is the human being as the human being of whom I -think. That the human being as the human being, nude--apart altogether from -money, clothing, houses, properties--should enjoy greater health, strength, -safety, beauty, and happiness, I would gladly agree to a discipline like -that of Sparta. The Spartan method did produce the finest race of men, and -Sparta was famous in antiquity for the most beautiful women. So far, -therefore, it fits exactly to my ideas. - -No science of modern times has yet discovered a plan to meet the -requirements of the millions who live now, no plan by which they might -attain similar physical proportion. Some increase of longevity, some slight -improvement in the general health is promised, and these are great things, -but far, far beneath the ideal. Probably the whole mode of thought of the -nations must be altered before physical progress is possible. Not while -money, furniture, affected show and the pageantry of wealth are the -ambitions of the multitude can the multitude become ideal in form. When the -ambition of the multitude is fixed on the ideal of form and beauty, then -that ideal will become immediately possible, and a marked advance towards it -could be made in three generations. Glad, indeed, should I be to discover -something that would help towards this end. - -How pleasant it would be each day to think, To-day I have done -something that will tend to render future generations more -happy. The very thought would make this hour sweeter. It is absolutely -necessary that something of this kind should be discovered. First, we must -lay down the axiom that as yet nothing has been found; we have nothing to -start with; all has to be begun afresh. All courses or methods of human life -have hitherto been failures. Some course of life is needed based on things -that are, irrespective of tradition. The physical ideal must be kept -steadily in view. - -CHAPTER VIII - -AN enumeration of the useless would almost be an enumeration of -everything hitherto pursued. For instance, to go back as far as -possible, the study and labour expended on Egyptian inscriptions -and papyri, which contain nothing but doubtful, because laudatory history, -invocations to idols, and similar matters: all these labours are in vain. -Take a broom and sweep the papyri away into the dust. The Assyrian -terra-cotta tablets, some recording fables, and some even sadder--contracts -between men whose bodies were dust twenty centuries since--take a hammer -and demolish them. Set a battery to beat down the pyramids, and -a mind-battery to destroy the deadening influence of tradition. -The Greek statue lives to this day, and has the highest use of -all, the use of true beauty. The Greek and Roman philosophers -have the value of furnishing the mind with material to think -from. Egyptian and Assyrian, mediaeval and eighteenth-century -culture, miscalled, are all alike mere dust, and absolutely -useless. - -There is a mass of knowledge so called at the present day -equally useless, and nothing but an encumbrance. We are forced -by circumstances to become familiar with it, but the time -expended on it is lost. No physical ideal--far less any soul- -ideal--will ever be reached by it. In a recent generation -erudition in the text of the classics was considered the most -honourable of pursuits; certainly nothing could be less valuable. In our own -generation, another species of erudition -is lauded--erudition in the laws of matter--which, in itself, is -but one degree better. The study of matter for matter's sake is -despicable; if any can turn that study to advance the ideal of life, it -immediately becomes most valuable. But not without the human ideal. It is -nothing to me if the planets revolve around the sun, or the sun around the -earth, unless I can thereby gather an increase of body or mind. As the -conception of the planets revolving around the sun, the present astronomical -conception of the heavens, is distinctly grander than that of Ptolemy, it is -therefore superior, and a gain to the human mind. So with other sciences, -not immediately useful, yet if they furnish the mind with material of -thought, they are an advance. - -But not in themselves--only in conjunction with the human ideal. -Once let that slip out of the thought, and science is of no -more use than the invocations in the Egyptian papyri. The world would be the -gainer if the Nile rose and swept away pyramid and tomb, sarcophagus, -papyri, and inscription; for it seems as if most of the superstitions which -still to this hour, in our own country, hold minds in their sway, originated -in Egypt. The world would be the gainer if a Nile flood of new thought arose -and swept away the past, concentrating the effort of all the races of the -earth upon man's body, that it might reach an ideal of shape, and health, -and happiness. - -Nothing is of any use unless it gives me a stronger body and -mind, a more beautiful body, a happy existence, and a soul-life -now. The last phase of philosophy is equally useless with the -rest. The belief that the human mind was evolved, in the process of -unnumbered years, from a fragment of palpitating slime through a thousand -gradations, is a modern superstition, and proceeds upon assumption alone. - -Nothing is evolved, no evolution takes place, there is no record -of such an event; it is pure assertion. The theory fascinates -many, because they find, upon study of physiology, that the -gradations between animal and vegetable are so fine and so close together, -as if a common web bound them together. But although they stand so near they -never change places. They are like the -figures on the face of a clock; there are minute dots between, -apparently connecting each with the other, and the hands move -round over all. Yet ten never becomes twelve, and each second -even is parted from the next, as you may hear by listening to -the beat. So the gradations of life, past and present, though -standing close together never change places. Nothing is evolved. -There is no evolution any more than there is any design in nature. By -standing face to face with nature, and not from books, I have convinced -myself that there is no design and no evolution. What there is, what was the -cause, how and why, is not yet known; certainly it was neither of these. - -But it may be argued the world must have been created, or it -must have been made of existing things, or it must have been -evolved, or it must have existed for ever, through all eternity. -I think not. I do not think that either of these are "musts," nor that any -"must" has yet been discovered; not even that there "must" be a first cause. -There may be other things--other physical forces even--of which we know -nothing. I strongly suspect there are. There may be other ideas altogether -from any we have hitherto had the use of. For many ages our ideas have been -confined to two or three. We have conceived the idea of creation, which is -the highest and grandest of all, if not historically true; we have conceived -the idea of design, that is of an intelligence making order and revolution -of chaos; and we have conceived the idea of evolution by physical laws of -matter, which, though now so much insisted on, is as ancient as the Greek -philosophers. But there may be another alternative; I think there are other -alternatives. - -Whenever the mind obtains a wider view we may find that origin. -for instance, is not always due to what is understood by cause. -At this moment the mind is unable to conceive of anything happening, or of -anything coming into existence, without a cause. From cause to effect is the -sequence of our ideas. But I think that if at some time we should obtain an -altogether different and broader sequence of ideas, we may discover that -there are various other alternatives. As the world, and the universe at -large, was not constructed according to plan, so it is clear that the -sequence or circle of ideas which includes -plan, and cause, and effect, are not in the circle of ideas -which would correctly explain it. Put aside the plan-circle of -ideas, and it will at once be evident that there is no inherent -necessity or "must." There is no inherent necessity for a first -cause, or that the world and the universe was created, or that -it was shaped of existing matter, or that it evolved itself and -its inhabitants, or that the cosmos has existed in varying forms -for ever. There may be other alternatives altogether. The only -idea I can give is the idea that there is another idea. - -In this "must"--"it must follow"--lies my objection to the logic of science. -The arguments proceed from premises to conclusions, and end with the -assumption "it therefore follows." But I say that, however carefully the -argument be built up, even though apparently flawless, there is no such -thing at present as "it must follow." Human ideas at present naturally form -a plan, and a balanced design; they might be indicated by a geometrical -figure, an upright straight line in the centre, and branching from that -straight line curves on either hand exactly equal to each other. In drawing -that is how we are taught, to balance the outline or curves on one side with -the curves on the other. In nature and in fact there is no such thing. The -stem of a tree represents the upright line, but the branches do not balance; -those on one side are larger or longer than those on the other. Nothing is -straight, but all things curved, crooked, and unequal. - -The human body is the most remarkable instance of inequality, -lack of balance, and want of plan. The exterior is beautiful in -its lines, but the two hands, the two feet, the two sides of the -face, the two sides of the profile, are not precisely equal. -The very nails of the fingers are set ajar, as it were, to -the lines of the hand, and not quite straight. Examination of the interior -organs shows a total absence of balance. The heart is not in the centre, nor -do the organs correspond in any way. The viscera are wholly opposed to plan. -Coming, lastly, to the bones, these have no humanity, as it were, of shape; -they -are neither round nor square; the first sight of them causes a sense of -horror, so extra-human are they in shape; there is no balance of design in -them. These are very brief examples, but the whole universe, so far as it -can be investigated, is equally unequal. No straight line runs through it, -with balanced -curves each side. - -Let this thought now be carried into the realms of thought. The mind, or -circle, or sequence of ideas, acts, or thinks, or exists in a balance, or -what seems a balance to it. A straight line of -thought is set in the centre, with equal branches each side, and with a -generally rounded outline. -But this corresponds to nothing in tangible fact. Hence I -think, by analogy, we may suppose that neither does it correspond to the -circle of ideas which caused us and all things to be, or, at all events, to -the circle of ideas which -accurately understand us and all things. There are other ideas altogether. ->From standing face to face so long with the real earth, the real sun, and -the real sea, I am firmly convinced that there is an immense range of -thought quite unknown to us yet. - -The problem of my own existence also convinces me that there is much more. -The questions are: Did my soul exist before my body was formed? Or did it -come into life with my body, as a product, -like a flame, of combustion? What will become of it after death? Will it -simply go out like a flame and become non-existent, or will it live for ever -in one or other mode? To these questions -I am unable to find any answer whatsoever. In our present range of ideas -there is no reply to them. I may have previously existed; I may not have -previously existed. I may be a product -of combustion; I may exist on after physical life is suspended, -or I may not. No demonstration is possible. But what I want to -say is that the alternatives of extinction or immortality may -not be the only alternatives. There may be something else, more -wonderful than immortality, and far beyond and above that idea. -There may be something immeasurably superior to it. As our ideas have run in -circles for centuries, it is difficult to find words to express the idea -that there are other ideas. For myself, though I cannot fully express -myself, I feel fully convinced that there is a vast immensity of thought, of -existence, and of other things beyond even immortal existence. - -CHAPTER IX - -IN human affairs everything happens by chance--that is, in defiance of human -ideas, and without any direction of an intelligence. A man bathes in a pool, -a crocodile seizes and lacerates his flesh. If any one maintains that an -intelligence directed that cruelty, I can only reply that his mind is under -an illusion. A man is caught by a revolving shaft and torn to pieces, limb -from limb. There is no directing intelligence in human affairs, no -protection, and no assistance. Those who act uprightly are not rewarded, but -they and their children often wander in the utmost indigence. Those who do -evil are not always punished, but frequently flourish and have happy -children. Rewards and punishments are purely human institutions, and if -government be relaxed they entirely disappear. No intelligence whatever -interferes in human affairs. There is a most senseless belief now prevalent -that effort, and work, and cleverness, -perseverance and industry, are invariably successful. Were this -the case, every man would enjoy a competence, at least, and be -free from the cares of money. This is an illusion almost equal -to the superstition of a directing intelligence, which every -fact and every consideration disproves. - -How can I adequately express my contempt for the assertion that -all things occur for the best, for a wise and beneficent end, -and are ordered by a humane intelligence! It is the most utter -falsehood and a crime against the human race. Even in my brief -time I have been contemporary with events of the most horrible -character; as when the mothers in the Balkans cast their own -children from the train to parish in the snow; as when the Princess Alice -foundered, and six hundred human beings were smothered in foul water; as -when the hecatomb of two thousand maidens were burned in the church at -Santiago; as when the miserable creatures tore at the walls of the Vienna -theatre. Consider only the fates which overtake the little children. Human -suffering is so great, so endless, so awful that I can hardly write of it. I -could not go into hospitals and face it, as some do, lest my mind should be -temporarily overcome. The whole and the worst the worst pessimist can say is -far beneath the least particle of the truth, so immense is the misery of -man. It is the duty of all rational beings to acknowledge the truth. There -is not the least trace of directing intelligence in human affairs. This is -a foundation of hope, because, if the present condition of things were -ordered by a superior power, there would be no possibility of improving it -for the better in the spite of that power. Acknowledging that no such -direction exists, all things become at once plastic to our will. - -The credit given by the unthinking to the statement that all -affairs are directed has been the bane of the world since the -days of the Egyptian papyri and the origin of superstition. So -long as men firmly believe that everything is fixed for them, so -long is progress impossible. If you argue yourself into the belief that you -cannot walk to a place, you cannot walk there. -But if you start you can walk there easily. Any one who will -consider the affairs of the world at large, and of the individual, will see -that they do not proceed in the manner they -would do for our own happiness if a man of humane breadth of -view were placed at their head with unlimited power, such as is -credited to the intelligence which does not exist. A man of -intellect and humanity could cause everything to happen in an -infinitely superior manner. Could one like the divine Julius--humane, -generous, broadest of view, deep thinking--wield such power, certainly every -human being would enjoy happiness. - -But that which is thoughtlessly credited to a non-existent -intelligence should really be claimed and exercised by the human -race. It is ourselves who should direct our affairs, protecting -ourselves from pain, assisting ourselves, succouring and rendering our lives -happy. We must do for ourselves what -superstition has hitherto supposed an intelligence to do for us. -Nothing whatsoever is done for us. We are born naked, and not even protected -by a shaggy covering. Nothing is done for us. -The first and strongest command (using the word to convey the -idea only) that nature, the universe, our own bodies give, is to -do everything for ourselves. The sea does not make boats for us, -nor the earth of her own will build us hospitals. The injured lie bleeding, -and no invisible power lifts them up. The maidens were scorched in the midst -of their devotions, and their remains make a mound hundreds of yards long. -The infants perished in the snow, and the ravens tore their limbs. Those in -the theatre crushed each other to the death--agony. For how long, for how -many thousand years, must the earth and the sea, and the fire and the air, -utter these things and force them upon us before they are admitted in their -full significance? - -These things speak with a voice of thunder. From every human being whose -body has been racked by pain; from every human being who has suffered from -accident or disease; from every human being drowned, burned, or slain by -negligence, there goes up a continually increasing cry louder than the -thunder. -An awe-inspiring cry dread to listen to, which no one dares listen to, -against which ears are stopped by the wax of superstition and the wax of -criminal selfishness:--These miseries are your doing, because you have mind -and though, and could have prevented them. You can prevent them in the -future. You do not even try. - -It is perfectly certain that all diseases without exception are -preventable, or, if not so, that they can be so weakened as to -do no harm. It is perfectly certain that all accidents are -preventable; there is not one that does not arise from folly or -negligence. All accidents are crimes. It is perfectly certain -that all human beings are capable of physical happiness. It is -absolutely incontrovertible that the ideal shape of the human -being is attainable to the exclusion of deformities. It is -incontrovertible that there is no necessity for any man to die -but of old aoe, and that if death cannot be prevented life -can be prolonged far beyond the farthest now known. It is incontrovertible -that at the present time no one ever dies of old age. Not one single person -ever dies of old age, or of natural causes, for there is no such thing as a -natural cause of death. They die of disease or weakness which is the result -of disease either in themselves or in their ancestors. No such thing as old -age is known to us. We do not even know what old age would be like, because -no one ever lives to it. - -Our bodies are full of unsuspected flaws, handed down it may be -for thousands of years, and it is of these that we die, and not -of natural decay. Till these are eliminated, or as nearly -eliminated as possible, we shall never even know what true old -age is like, nor what the true natural limit of human life is. -The utmost limit now appears to be about one hundred and five -years, but as each person who has got so far has died of weaknesses -inherited through thousands of years, it is impossible to say to what number -of years he would have reached in a natural state. It seems more than -possible that true old age--the slow and natural decay of the body apart -from inherited -flaw--would be free from very many, if not all, of the petty -miseries which now render extreme age a doubtful blessing. If -the limbs grew weaker they would not totter; if the teeth -dropped it would not be till the last; if the eyes were less -strong they would not be quite dim; nor would the mind lose its -memory. - -But now we see eyes become dim and artifical aid needed in comparative -youth, and teeth drop out in mere childhood. -Many men and women lose teeth before they are twenty. This simple fact is -evidence enough of inherited weakness or flaw. How could a person who had -lost teeth before twenty be ever said to die of old age, though he died at a -hundred and ten? Death is not a supernatural event; it is an event of the -most materialistic character, and may certainly be postponed, by the united -efforts of the human race, to a period far more distant from the date of -birth than has been the case during the historic period. The question has -often been debated in my mind whether death is or is not wholly preventable; -whether, if the entire human race were united in their efforts to eliminate -causes of decay, death might not also be altogether eliminated. - -If we consider ourselves by the analogy of animals, trees, and -other living creatures, the reply is that, however postponed, -in long process of time the tissues must wither. Suppose an ideal man, free -from inherited flaw, then though his age might -be prolonged to several centuries, in the end the natural body -must wear out. That is true so far. But it so happens that the analogy is -not just, and therefore the conclusions it points to are not tenable. - -Man is altogether different from every other animal, every other living -creature known. He is different in body. In his purely natural state--in his -true natural state--he is immeasurably stronger. No animal approaches to the -physical perfection of which a man is capable. He can weary the strongest -horse, he can outrun the swiftest stag, he can bear extremes of heat and -cold hunger and thirst, which would exterminate every known living thing. -Merely in bodily strength he is superior to all. The stories of antiquity, -which were deemed fables, may be fables historically, but search has shown -that they are not intrinsically fables. Man of flesh and blood is capable -of all that Ajax, all that Hercules did. Feats in modern days have surpassed -these, as when Webb swam the Channel; mythology contains nothing equal to -that. The difference does not end here. Animals think to a certain extent, -but if their conceptions be ever so clever, not having hands they cannot -execute them. - -I myself maintain that the mind of man is practically infinite. -It can understand anything brought before it. It has not the -power of its own motion to bring everything before it, but when -anything is brought it is understood. It is like sitting in a -room with one window; you cannot compel everything to pass the -window, but whatever does pass is seen. It is like a magnifying glass, which -magnifies and explains everything brought into its focus. The mind of man is -infinite. Beyond this, man has a soul. I do not use this word in the common -sense which circumstances have given to it. I use it as the only term to -express that inner consciousness which aspires. These brief reasons show -that the analogy is imperfect, and that therefore, although an ideal -animal--a horse, a dog, a lion--must die, it does not follow that an ideal -man must. He has a body possessed of exceptional recuperative powers, which, -under proper conditions, continually repairs itself. He has a mind by which -he can select remedies, and select his course and carefully restore the -waste of tissue. He has a soul, as yet, it seems to me, lying in abeyance, -by the aid of which he may yet discover things now deemed supernatural. - -Considering these things I am obliged by facts and incontrovert-ible -argument to conclude that death is not inevitable to the ideal man. He is -shaped for a species of physical immortality. The beauty of form of the -ideal human being indicates immortality--the contour, the curve, the outline -answer to the idea of life. In the course of ages united effort long -continued may eliminate those causes of decay which have grown up in ages -past, and after that has been done advance farther and improve the natural -state. As a river brings down suspended particles of sand, and depositing -them at its mouth forms a delta and a new country; as the air and the rain -and the heat of the sun desiccate the rocks and slowly wear down mountains -into sand, so the united action of the human race, continued through -centuries, may build up the ideal man and woman. -Each individual labouring in his day through geological time in front must -produce an effect. The instance of Sparta, where so much was done in a few -centuries, is almost proof of it. - -The truth is, we die through our ancestors; we are murdered by our -ancestors. Their dead hands stretch forth from the tomb and drag us down to -their mouldering bones. We in our turn are now at this moment preparing -death for our unborn posterity. This day those that die do not die in the -sense of old age, they are slain. Nothing has been accumulated for our -benefit in ages past. All the labour and the toil of so many millions -continued through such vistas of time, down to those millions who at this -hour are rushing to and fro in London, has -accumulated nothing for us. Nothing for our good. The only things that have -been stored up have been for our evil and destruction, diseases and -weaknesses crossed and cultivated and rendered almost part and parcel of our -very bones. Now let us begin to roll back the tide of death, and to set our -faces -steadily to a future of life. It should be the sacred and sworn duty of -every one, once at least during lifetime, to do something in person towards -this end. It would be a delight and pleasure to me to do something every -day, were it ever so minute. To reflect that another human being, if at a -distance of ten thousand years from the year 1883, would enjoy one hour's -more life, in the sense of fulness of life, in consequence of anything I had -done in my little span, would be to me a peace of soul. - -CHAPTER X - -UNITED effort through geological time in front is but the beginning of an -idea. I am convinced that much more can be done, and that the length of time -may be almost immeasurably shortened. The general principles that are now in -operation are of the simplest and most elementary character, yet they have -already made considerable difference. I am not content with these. There -must be much more--there must be things which are at present unknown by -whose aid advance may be made. Research proceeds upon the same old lines and -runs in the ancient grooves. Further, it is restricted by the -ultra-practical views which are alone deemed reasonable. But there should be -no limit placed on the mind. The purely ideal is as worthy of pursuit as the -practical, and the mind is not to be pinned to dogmas of science any more -than to dogmas of superstition. Most injurious -of all is the continuous circling on the same path, and it is -from this that I wish to free my mind. - -The pursuit of theory--the organon of pure thought--has led -incidentally to great discoveries, and for myself I am convinced -it is of the highest value. The process of experiment has produced much, and -has applied what was previously found. -Empiricism is worthy of careful re-working out, for it is a fact -that most things are more or less empirical, especially in -medicine. Denial may be given to this statement, nevertheless -it is true, and I have had practical exemplification of it in my -own experience. Observation is perhaps more powerful an organon -than either experiment or empiricism. If the eye is always watching, and -the mind on the alert, ultimately chance supplies the solution. - -The difficulties I have encountered have generally been solved -by chance in this way. When I took an interest in -archaeological matters--an interest long since extinct--I -considered that a part of an army known to have marched in a -certain direction during the Civil War must have visited a town -in which I was interested. But I exhausted every mode of -research in vain; there was no evidence of it. If the knowledge -had ever existed it had dropped again. Some years afterwards, -when my interest had ceased, and I had put such inquiries for -ever aside (being useless, like the Egyptian papyri), I was -reading in the British Museum. Presently I returned my book to -the shelf, and then slowly walked along the curving wall lined with volumes, -looking to see if I could light on anything to amuse me. I took out a volume -for a glance; it opened of itself at a certain page, and there was the -information I had so long sought--a reprint of an old pamphlet describing -the visit of the army to the town in the Civil War. So chance answered the -question in the course of time. - -And I think that, seeing how great a part chance plays in human affairs, it -is essential that study should be made of chance; it seems to me that an -organon from experiment. Then there is the inner consciousness--the -psyche--that has never yet been brought to bear upon life and its questions. -Besides which there is a super-sensuous reason. Often I have argued with -myself that such and such a course was the right one to follow, while in the -intervals of thinking about it an undercurrent of unconscious impulse has -desired me to do the reverse or to remain inactive. -Sometimes it has happened that the supersensuous reasoning has been correct, -and the most faultless argument wrong. I presume this supersensuous -reasoning, preceeding independently in the mind, arises from preceptions too -delicate for analysis. From these considerations alone I am convinced that, -by the aid of ideas yet to be discovered, the geological time in front may -be immeasurably shortened. These modes of research are not all. The -psyche--the soul in me--tells me that there is much more, that these are -merely beginnings of the crudest kind. - -I fully recognise the practical difficulty arising from the ingrained, -hereditary, and unconscious selfishness which began before history, and has -been crossed and cultivated for twelve thousand years since. This renders me -less sanguine of united effort through geological time ahead, unless some -idea can be formed to give a stronger impulse even than selfishness, or -unless the selfishness can be utilised. The complacency with which the mass -of people go about their daily task, absolutely -indifferent to all other considerations, is appalling in its -concentrated stolidity. They do not intend wrong--they intend rightly: in -truth, they work against the entire human race. -So wedded and so confirmed is the world in its narrow groove of self, so -stolid and so complacent under the immense weight of misery, so callous to -its own possibilities, and so grown to its chains, that I almost despair to -see it awakened. Cemeteries are often placed on hillsides, and the white -stones are visible far off. If the whole of the dead in a hillside cemetery -were called up alive from their tombs, and walked forth down into the -valley, it would not rouse the mass of people from the dense pyramid of -stolidity which presses on them. - -There would be gaping and marvelling and rushing about, and what then? In a -week or two the ploughman would settle down to his plough, the carpenter to -his bench, the smith to his anvil, the -merchant to his money, and the dead come to life would be -utterly forgotten. No matter in what manner the possibilities -of human life are put before the world, the crowd continues as stolid as -before. Therefore nothing hitherto done, or suggested, or thought of,is of -much avail; but this fact in no degree -stays me from the search. On the contrary,the less there has been -accomplished the more anxious I am; the truth it teaches is -that the mind must be lifted out of its old grooves before anything will be -certainly begun. Erase the past from the mind--stand face to face with the -real now--and work out all anew. Call the soul to our assistance; the soul -tells me that outside all the ideas that have yet occurred there are others, -whole circles of others. - -I remember a cameo of Augustus Caesar--the head of the emperor is graven in -delicate lines, and shows the most exquisite proportions. It is a balanced -head, a head adjusted to the calmest intellect. That head when it was living -contained a circle of ideas, the largest, the widest, the most profound -current in his time. All that philosophy had taught, all that practice, -experiment, and empiricism had discovered, was familiar to him. There was no -knowledge in the ancient world but what was accessible to the Emperor of -Rome. Now at this day there are amongst us heads as finely proportioned as -that cut out in the cameo. Though these living men do not possess arbitrary -power, the advantages of arbitrary power--as far as knowledge is -concerned--are secured to them by education, by the printing-press, and the -facilities of our era. It is reasonable to imagine a head of our time filled -with the largest, the widest, the most profound ideas current in the age. -Augustus Caesar, however great his intellect, could not in that balanced -head have possessed the ideas familiar enough to the living head of this -day. As we have a circle of ideas unknown to Augustus Caesar, so I argue -there are whole circles of ideas unknown to us. It is these that I am so -earnestly desirous of discovering. - -For nothing has as yet been of any value, however good its intent. There is -no virtue, or reputed virtue, which has not -been rigidly pursued, and things have remained as before. Men -and women have practised self-denial, and to what end? They -have compelled themselves to suffer hunger and thirst; in -vain. They have clothed themselves in sack cloth and lacerated the flesh. -They have mutilated themselves. Some have been scrupulous to bathe, and some -have been scrupulous to cake their bodies with the foulness of years. Many -have devoted their lives to assist others in sickness or poverty. Chastity -has been faithfully observed, chastity both of body and mind. -Self-examination has been pursued till it ended in a species of sacred -insanity, and all these have been of no more value than the tortures -undergone by the Indian mendicant who hangs himself up by a hook through his -back. All these are pure folly. - -Asceticism has not improved the form, or the physical well-being, or the -heart of any human being. On the contrary, the hetaira is often the warmest -hearted and the most generous. Casuistry and self-examination are perhaps -the most injurious of all the virtues, utterly destroying independence of -mind. Self-denial has had no result, and all the self-torture of centuries -has been thrown away. Lives spent in doing good have been lives nobly -wasted. Everything is in vain. The circle of ideas we possess is too -limited to aid us. We need ideas as far outside our circle as ours are -outside those that were pondered over by Augustus Caesar. - -The most extraordinary spectacle, as it seems to me, is the vast -expenditure of labour and time wasted in obtaining mere subsistence. As a -man, in his lifetime, works hard and saves money, that his children may be -free from the cares of penury and may at least have sufficient to eat, -drink, clothe, and roof them, so the generations that preceded us might, had -they so chosen, have provided for our subsistence. The labour and time of -ten generations, properly directed, would sustain a hundred generations -succeeding to them, and that, too, with so little self-denial on the part of -the providers as to be scarcely felt. So men now, in this generation, ought -clearly to be laying up a store, or, what is still more powerful, arranging -and organising that the generations which follow may enjoy comparative -freedom from useless labour. Instead of which, with transcendent -improvidence, the world works only for to-day, as the world worked twelve -thousand years ago, and our children's children will still have to toil and -slave for the bare necessities of life. This is, indeed an extraordinary -spectacle. - -That twelve thousand written years should have elapsed, and the -human race--able to reason and to think, and easily capable of -combination in immense armies for its own destruction--should still live -from hand to mouth, like cattle and sheep, like the animals of the field and -the birds of the woods; that there should not even be roofs to cover the -children born, unless those children labour and expend their time to pay for -them; that there should not be clothes, unless, again,time and labour are -expended to procure them; that there should not be even food for the -children of the human race, except they labour as their fathers did twelve -thousand years ago; that even water should scarce be accessible to them, -unless paid for by labour! In twelve thousand written years the world has -not yet built itself a House, nor filled a Granary, nor organised itself for -its own -comfort. It is so marvellous I cannot express the wonder with which it fills -me. And more wonderful still, if that could be, -there are people so infatuated, or, rather, so limited of view, -that they glory in this state of things, declaring that work -is the main object of man's existence--work for subsistence-- -and glorying in their wasted time. To argue with such is impossible; to -leave them is the only resource. - -This our earth this day produces sufficient for our existence. -This our earth produces not only a sufficiency, but a -superabundance, and pours a cornucopia of good things down upon -us. Further, it produces sufficient for stores and granaries to -be filled to the rooftree for years ahead. I verily believe -that the earth in one year produces enough food to last for -thirty. Why, then, have we not enough? Why do people die of -starvation, or lead a miserable existence on the verge of it? -Why have millions upon millions to toil from morning to evening -just to gain a mere crust of bread? Because of the absolute -lack of Organisation by which such labour should produce its -effect, the absolute lack of distribution, the absolute lack even of the -very idea that such things are possible. -Nay, even to mention such things, to say that they are possible, is criminal -with many. Madness could hardly go farther. - -That selfishness has all to do with it I entirely deny. The -human race for ages upon ages has been enslaved by ignorance and -by interested persons whose object it has been to confine the -minds of men, thereby doing more injury than if with infected -hands they purposely imposed disease on the heads of the people. Almost -worse than these, and at the present day as injurious, are those persons -incessantly declaring, teaching, and -impressing upon all that to work is man's highest condition. -This falsehood is the interested superstition of an age -infatuated with money, which having accumulated it cannot even -expend it in pageantry. It is a falsehood propagated for the -doubtful benefit of two or three out of ten thousand, It is the -lie of a morality founded on money only, and utterly outside and -having no association whatever with the human being in itself. -Many superstitions have been got rid of in these days; time it is that this, -the last and worst, were eradicated. - -At this hour, out of thirty-four millions who inhabit this -country, two-thirds--say twenty-two millions--live within thirty -years of that abominable institution the poorhouse. That any -human being should dare to apply to another the epithet "pauper" is, to me, -the greatest, the vilest, the most unpardonable crime that could be -committed. Each human being, by mere birth, has a birthright in this earth -and all its productions; and if they do not receive it, then it is they who -are injured, and it is not the "pauper"--oh, inexpressibly wicked word!--it -is the well-to-do, who are the criminal classes. -It matters not in the least if the poor be improvident, or drunken, or evil -in any way. Food and drink, roof and clothes, are the inalienable right of -every child born into the light. If the world does not provide it -freely--not as a grudging gift but as a right, as a son of the house sits -down to breakfast--then is the world mad. But the world is not mad, only in -ignorance--an interested ignorance, kept up by strenuous exertions, from -which infernal darkness it will, in course of time, emerge, marvelling at -the past as a man wonders at and glories in the light who has escaped from -blindness. - - -CHAPTER XI - -This our earth produces not only a sufficiency a superabundance, but in one -year pours a cornucopia of good things forth, enough to fill us for many -years in succession. The only reason we do not enjoy it is the want of -rational organisation. I know, of course, and all who think know, that some -labour or supervision will always necessary, since the plough must travel -the furrow and the seed must must be sown; but I maintain that a tenth, -nay, a hundredth, part of the labour and slavery now gone through will be -sufficient, and that in the course of time, as organisation perfects itself -and discoveries advance, even that part will diminish. For the rise and fall -of the tides alone furnish forth sufficient power to do automatically all -the labour that is done on the earth. Is ideal man, then, to be idle? I -answer that, if so, I see no wrong, but a great good. I deny altogether that -idleness is an evil, or that it produces evil, and I am well aware why the -interested are so bitter against idleness--namely, because it gives time for -thought, and if men had time to think their reign would come to an end. -Idleness--that is, the absence of the necessity to work for subsistence--is -a great good. - -I hope succeeding generations will be able to be ideal. I hope that -nine-tenths of their time will be leisure time; that they may enjoy their -days, and the earth, and the beauty of this beautiful world; that they may -rest by the sea and dream; that they may dance and sing, and eat and drink. -I will work towards that end with all my heart. If employment they must -have--and the restlessness of the mind will insure that some will be -followed--then they will find scope enough in the perfection of their -physical frames, in the expansion of the mind, and in the -enlargement of the soul. They shall not work for bread, but for -their souls. I am willing to divide and share all I shall ever have for this -purpose, though I think the end will rather be gained by organisation than -by sharing alone. - -In these material things, too, I think that we require another circle of -ideas, and I believe that such ideas are possible, and, in a manner of -speaking, exist. Let me exhort every one to do their utmost to think outside -and beyond our present circle of ideas. For every idea gained is a hundred -years of slavery remitted. Even with the idea of organisation which promises -most I am not satisfied, but endeavour to get beyond and outside it, so that -the time now necessary may be shortened. Besides which, I see that many of -our difficulties arise from obscure and remote causes--obscure like the -shape of bones, for whose strange curves there is no familiar term. We must -endeavour to understand the crookedness and unfamiliar curves of the -conditions of life. Beyond that still there are other ideas. Never, never -rest contented with any circle of ideas, but always be certain that a wider -one is still possible. For my -thought is like a hyperbola that continually widens ascending. - -For grief there is no known consolation. It is useless to fill our hearts -with bubbles. A loved one gone is gone, and as to the future--even if there -is a future--it is unknown. To assure ourselves otherwise is to soothe the -mind with illusions; the bitterness of it is inconsolable. The sentiments of -trust chipped out on tombstones are touching instances of the innate -goodness of the human heart, which naturally longs for good, and sighs -itself to sleep in the hope that, if parted, the parting is for the benefit -of those that are gone. But these inscriptions are also awful instances of -the deep intellectual darkness which presses still on the minds of men. The -least thought erases them. There is no consolation. There is no relief. -There is no hope certain; the whole system is a mere illusion. I, who hope -so much, and am so rapt up in the soul, know full well that there is no -certainty. - -The tomb cries aloud to us--its dead silence presses on the drum -of the ear like thunder, saying, Look at this, and erase your -illusions; now know the extreme value of human life; reflect on -this and strew human life with flowers; save every hour for the -sunshine; let your labour be so ordered that in future times the loved ones -may dwell longer with those who love them; open your -minds; exalt your souls; widen the sympathies of your hearts; -face the things that are now as you will face the reality of death; make joy -real now to those you love, and help forward the joy of those yet to be -born. Let these facts force the mind and the soul to the increase of -thought, and the consequent remission of misery; so that those whose time it -is to die may have enjoyed all that is possible in life. Lift up your mind -and see now in this bitterness of parting, in this absence of certainty, the -fact that there is no directing intelligence; remember that this death is -not of old age, which no one living in the world has ever seen; remember -that old age is possible, and perhaps even more than old age; and beyond -these earthly things-what? None know. But let us, turning away from the -illusion of a directing intelligence, look earnestly for something better -than a god, seek for something higher than -prayer, and lift our souls to be with the more than immortal -now. - -A river runs itself clear during the night, and in sleep -thought becomes pellucid. All the hurrying to and fro, the -unrest and stress, the agitation and confusion subside. Like a -sweet pure spring, thought pours forth to meet the light, and -is illumined to its depths. The dawn at my window ever causes -a desire for larger thought, the recognition of the light at -the moment of waking kindles afresh the wish for a broad day of -the mind. There is a certainty that there are yet ideas further, and -greater--that there is still a limitless beyond. I know at that moment that -there is no limit to the things that may be yet in material and tangible -shape besides the immaterial perceptions of the soul. The dim white light of -the dawn speaks it. This prophet which has come with its wonders to the -bedside of every human being for so many thousands of years faces me once -again with the upheld finger of light. Where is the limit to that physical -sign? - ->From space to the sky, from the sky to the hills, and the sea; -to every blade of grass, to every leaf, to the smallest insect, -to the million waves of ocean. Yet this earth itself appears -but a mote in that sunbeam by which we are conscious of one -narrow streak in the abyss. A beam crosses my silent chamber -from the window, and atoms are visible in it; a beam slants -between the fir-trees, and particles rise and fall within, and cross it -while the air each side seems void. Through the heavens a beam slants, and -we are aware of the star-stratum in which our earth moves. But what may be -without that stratum? Certainly it is not a void. This light tells us much, -but I think in the course of time yet more delicate and subtle mediums than -light may be found, and through these we shall see into the shadows of the -sky. When will it be possible to be certain that the capacity of a single -atom has been exhausted? At any moment some fortunate incident may reveal a -fresh power. One by one the powers of light have been unfolded. - -After thousands of years the telescope opened the stars, the -prism analysed the substance of the sun, the microscope showed -the minute structure of the rocks and the tissues of living -bodies. The winged men on the Assyrian bas-reliefs, the gods of -the Nile, the chariot-borne immortals of Olympus, not the -greatest of imagined beings ever possessed in fancied attributes -one-tenth the power of light. As the swallows twitter, the dim -white finger appears at my window full of wonders, such as all -the wise men in twelve thousand precedent years never even hoped -to conceive. But this is not all--light is not all; light conceals more than -it reveals; light is the darkest shadow of the sky; besides light there are -many other mediums yet to be explored. For thousands of years the sunbeams -poured on the earth, full as now of messages, and light is not a hidden -thing to be searched out with difficulty. Full in the faces of men the rays -came with their intelligence from the sun when the papyri were painted -beside the ancient Nile, but they were not understood. - -This hour, rays or undulations of more subtle mediums are -doubtless pouring on us over the wide earth, unrecognised, and -full of messages and intelligence from the unseen. Of these we -are this day as ignorant as those who painted the papyri were of -light. There is an infinity of knowledge yet to be known, and -beyond that an infinity of thought. No mental instrument even has yet been -invented by which researches can be carried direct to the object. Whatever -has been found has been discovered by fortunate accident; in looking for one -thing another has been chanced on. A reasoning process has yet to be -invented by which to go straight to the desired end. For now the slightest -particle is enough to throw the search aside, and the most minute -circumstance sufficient to conceal obvious and brilliantly shining truths. -One summer evening sitting by my window I watched for the first star to -appear, knowing the position of the brightest in the southern sky. The dusk -came on, grew deeper, but the star did not shine. By-and-by, other stars -less bright appeared, so that it could not be the sunset which obscured the -expected one. Finally, I considered that I must have mistaken its position, -when suddenly a puff of air blew through the branch of a pear-tree which -overhung the window, a leaf moved, and there was the star behind the leaf. - -At present the endeavour to make discoveries is like gazing at -the sky up through the boughs of an oak. Here a beautiful star -shines clearly; here a constellation is hidden by a branch; a -universe by a leaf. Some mental instrument or organon is -required to enable us to distinguish between the leaf which may -be removed and a real void; when to cease to look in one direction, and to -work in another. Many men of broad brow and great intellect lived in the -days of ancient Greece, but for lack of the accident of a lens, and of -knowing the way to use a prism, they could but conjecture imperfectly. I am -in exactly the position they were when I look beyond light. Outside my -present knowledge I am exactly in their condition. I feel that there are -infinities to be known, but they are hidden by -a leaf. If any one says to himself that the telescope, and the microscope, -the prism, and other discoveries have made all plain, then he is in the -attitude of those ancient priests who worshipped the scarabaeus or beetle. -So, too, it is with thought; outside our present circle of ideas I believe -there is an infinity of idea. All this that has been effected with light -has been done by bits of glass--mere bits of shaped glass, quickly broken, -and made of flint, so that by the rude flint our subtlest ideas are gained. -Could we employ the ocean as a lens, and force truth from the sky, even then -I think there would be much more beyond. - -Natural things are known to us only under two conditions--matter -and force, or matter and motion. A third, a fourth, a fifth--no -one can say how many conditions--may exist in the ultra-stellar -space, and such other conditions may equally exist about us now -unsuspected. Something which is neither matter nor force is difficult to -conceive, yet, I think, it is certain that there are other conditions. When -the mind succeeds in entering on a wider series, or circle of ideas, other -conditions would appear -natural enough. In this effort upwards I claim the assistance -of the soul--the mind of the mind. The eye sees, the mind -deliberates on what it sees, the soul understands the operation -of the mind. Before a bridge is built, or a structure erected, -or an interoceanic canal made, there must be a plan, and before -a plan the thought in the mind. So that it is correct to say -the mind bores tunnels through the mountains, bridges the -rivers, and constructs the engines which are the pride of the -world. - -This is a wonderful tool, but it is capable of work yet more -wonderful in the exploration of the heavens. Now the soul is -the mind of the mind. It can build and construct and look beyond -and penetrate space, and create. It is the keenest, the -sharpest tool possessed by man. But what would be said if a -carpenter about to commence a piece of work examined his tools -and deliberately cast away that with the finest edge? Such is -the conduct of those who reject the inner mind or psyche -altogether. So great is the value of the soul that it seems to -me, if the soul lived and received its aspirations it would not -matter if the material universe melted away as snow. Many turn -aside the instant the soul is mentioned, and I sympathise with -them in one sense; they fear lest, if they acknowledge it, they -will be fettered by mediaeval conditions. My contention is that -the restrictions of the mediaeval era should entirely be cast -into oblivion, but the soul recognised and employed. Instead of -slurring over the soul, I desire to see it at its highest -perfection. - -CHAPTER XII - -SUBTLE as the mind is, it can effect little without knowledge. -It cannot construct a bridge, or a building, or make a canal, or -work a problem in algebra, unless it is provided with -information. This is obvious, and yet some say, What can you -effect by the soul? I reply because it has had no employment. Mediaeval -conditions kept it in slumber: science refuses to accept it. We are taught -to employ our minds, and furnished with materials. The mind has its logic -and exercise of geometry, and thus assisted brings a great force to the -solution of problems. The soul remains untaught, and can effect little. - -I consider that the highest purpose of study is the education of the soul or -psyche. It is said that there is no proof of the existence of the soul, but, -arguing on the same grounds, there is no proof of the existence of the mind, -which is not a tangible thing. For myself, I feel convinced that there is a -soul, a mind of the mind--and that it really exists. Now, glancing at the -state of wild and uneducated men, it is evident that they work with their -hands and make various things almost instinctively. But when they arrive at -the idea of mind, and say to themselves, I possess a mind, then they think -and proceed -farther, forming designs and constructions both tangible and -mental. - -Next then, when we say, I have a soul, we can proceed to shape -things yet further, and to see deeper, and penetrate the -mystery. By denying the existence and the power of the soul-- -refusing to employ it--we should go back more than twelve -thousand written years of human history. But instead of this, -I contend, we should endeavour to go forward, and to discover a fourth Idea, -and after that a fifth, and onwards continually. - -I will not permit myself to be taken captive by observing -physical phenomena, as many evidently are. Some gases are -mingled and produce a liquid; certainly it is worth careful -investigation, but it is no more than the revolution of a -wheel, which is so often seen that it excites no surprise, -though, in truth, as wonderful. So is all motion, and so is a -grain of sand; there is nothing that is not wonderful; as, for -instance, the fact of the existence of things at all. But the -intense concentration of the mind on mechanical effects appears -often to render it incapable of perceiving anything that is not -mechanical. Some compounds are observed to precipitate crystals, all of -which contain known angles. Thence it is argued that all is mechanical, and -that action occurs in set ways only. There -is a tendency to lay it down as an infallible law that because -we see these things therefore everything else that exists in -space must be or move exactly in the same manner. But I do not -think that because crystals are precipitated with fixed angles -therefore the whole universe is necessarily mechanical. I think -there are things exempt from mechanical rules. The restriction -of thought to purely mechanical grooves blocks progress in the -same way as the restrictions of mediaeval superstition. Let the -mind think, dream, imagine: let it have perfect freedom. To -shut out the soul is to put us back more than twelve thousand -years. - -Just as outside light, and the knowledge gained from light, -there are, I think, other mediums from which, in times to come, -intelligence will be obtained, so outside the mental and the spiritual ideas -we now possess I believe there exists a whole circle of ideas. In the -conception of the idea that there are others, I lay claim to another idea. - -The mind is infinite and able to understand everything that is -brought before it; there is no limit to its understanding. The -limit is in the littleness of the things and the narrowness of -the ideas which have been put for it to consider. For the -philosophies of old time past and the discoveries of modern -research are as nothing to it. They do not fill it. When they -have been read, the mind passes on, and asks for more. The -utmost of them, the whole together, make a mere nothing. These -things have been gathered together by immense labour, labour -so great that it is a weariness to think of it; but yet, when -all is summed up and written, the mind receives it all as -easily as the hand picks flowers. It is like one sentence-- -read and gone. - -The mind requires more, and more, and more. It is so strong -that all that can be put before it is devoured in a moment. -Left to itself it will not be satisfied with an invisible -idol any more than with a wooden one. An idol whose attributes are -omnipresence, omnipotence, and so on, is no greater than light or -electricity, which are present everywhere and all-powerful, and from which -perhaps the thought arose. Prayer which receives no reply must be pronounced -in vain. The mind goes on and requires more than these, something higher -than prayer, something higher than a god. - -I have been obliged to write these things by an irresistible -impulse which has worked in me since early youth. They have not -been written for the sake of argument, still less for any thought of profit, -rather indeed the reverse. They have been forced from me by earnestness of -heart, and they express my most serious convictions. For seventeen years -they have been lying in my mind, continually thought of and pondered over. I -was not more than eighteen when an inner and esoteric meaning began to come -to me from all the visible universe, and indefinable aspirations filled me. -I found them in the grass fields, under the trees, on the hill-tops, at -sunrise, and in the night. There was a deeper meaning everywhere. The sun -burned with it, the broad front of morning beamed with it; a deep feeling -entered me while gazing at the sky in the azure noon, and in the star-lit -evening. - -I was sensitive to all things, to the earth under, and the -star-hollow round about; to the least blade of grass, to the -largest oak. They seemed like exterior nerves and veins -for the conveyance of feeling to me. Sometimes a very ecstasy -of exquisite enjoyment of the entire visible universe filled -me. I was aware that in reality the feeling and the thought were -in me, and not in the earth or sun; yet I was more conscious of -it when in company with these. A visit to the sea increased -the strength of the original impulse. I began to make efforts -to express these thoughts in writing, but could not succeed to -my own liking. Time went on, and harder experiences, and the -pressure of labour came, but in no degree abated the fire of -first thought. Again and again I made resolutions that I would -write it, in some way or other, and as often failed. I could -express any other idea with ease, but not this. Once especially I remember, -in a short interval of distasteful labour, walking away to a spot by a brook -which skirts an ancient Roman wall, and there trying to determine and really -commence to work. Again I failed. More time, more changes, and still the -same thought running beneath everything. At last, in 1880, in the old castle -of Pevensey, under happy circumstances, once more I resolved, and actually -did write down a few notes. Even then I could not go on, but I kept the -notes(I had destroyed all former begin- -nings), and in the end, two years afterwards, commenced this book. - -After all this time and thought it is only a fragment, and a fragment -scarcely hewn. Had I not made it personal I could scarcely have put it into -any shape at all. But I felt that I could no longer delay, and that it must -be done, however imperfectly. I am only too conscious of its imperfections, -for I have as it were seventeen years of consciousness of my own inability -to express this the idea of my life. I can only say that many of these short -sentences are the result of long-continued thought. One of the greatest -difficulties I have encountered is the lack of words to express ideas. By -the word soul, or psyche, I mean that inner consciousness which aspires. By -prayer I do not mean a request for anything preferred to a deity; I mean -intense soul-emotion, intense aspiration. The word immortal is very -inconvenient, and yet there is no other to convey the idea of soul-life. -Even these definitions are deficient, and I must leave my book as a whole to -give its own meaning to its words. - -Time has gone on, and still, after so much pondering, I feel -that I know nothing, that I have not yet begun; I have only just -commenced to realise the immensity of thought which lies outside the -knowledge of the senses. Still, on the hills and by the seashore, I seek and -pray deeper than ever. - -The sun burns southwards over the sea and before the wave runs -its shadow, constantly slipping on the advancing slope till it curls and -covers its dark image at the shore. Over the rim of the horizon waves are -flowing as high and wide as those that break upon the beach. These that come -to me and beat the trembling shore are like the thoughts that have been -known so long; like the ancient, iterated, and reiterated thoughts that have -broken on the strand of mind for thousands of years. Beyond and over the -horizon I feel that there are other waves of ideas unknown to me, flowing as -the stream of ocean flows. Knowledge of facts is limitless: they lie at my -feet innumerable like the countless pebbles; knowledge of thought so -circumscribed! Ever the same thoughts come that have been written down -centuries and centuries. - -Let me launch forth and sail over the rim of the sea yonder, -and when another rim arises over that, and again and onwards -into an ever-widening ocean of idea and life. For with all the -strength of the wave, and its succeeding wave, the depth and -race of the tide, the clear definition of the sky; with all the -subtle power of the great sea, there rises an equal desire. -Give me life strong and full as the brimming ocean; give me -thoughts wide as its plain; give me a soul beyond these. Sweet -is the bitter sea by the shore where the faint blue pebbles are -lapped by the green-grey wave, where the wind-quivering foam is -loth to leave the lashed stone. Sweet is the bitter sea, and -the clear green in which the gaze seeks the soul, looking through the glass -into itself. The sea thinks for me as I listen and ponder; the sea thinks, -and every boom of the wave repeats my prayer. - -Sometimes I stay on the wet sands as the tide rises, listening -to the rush of the lines of foam in layer upon layer; the wash -swells and circles about my feet, I have my hands in it, I lift -a little in my hollowed palm, I take the life of the sea to me. -My soul rising to the immensity utters its desire-prayer with all the -strength of the sea. Or, again, the full stream of ocean beats upon the -shore, and the rich wind feeds the heart, -the sun burns brightly; the sense of soul-life burns in me like -a torch. - -Leaving the shore I walk among the trees; a cloud passes, and -the sweet short rain comes mingled with sunbeams and flower- -scented air. The finches sing among the fresh green leaves of the beeches. -Beautiful it is, in summer days, to see the wheat -wave, and the long grass foam--flecked of flower yield and return to the -wind. My soul of itself always desires; these are to it as fresh food. I -have found in the hills another valley grooved in prehistoric times, where, -climbing to the top of the hollow, I can see the sea. Down in the hollow I -look up; the sky stretches over, the sun burns as it seems but just above -the hill, and the wind sweeps onward. As the sky extends beyond the valley, -so I know that there are ideas beyond the valley of my thought; I know that -there is something infinitely higher than deity. The great sun burning in -the sky, the sea, the firm earth, all the stars of night are feeble--all, -all the cosmos is feeble; it is not strong enough to utter my prayer-desire. -My soul cannot reach to its full desire of prayer. I need no earth, or sea, -or sun to think my thought. If my thought-part--the psyche--were entirely -separated from the body, and from the earth, I should of myself desire the -same. In itself my soul desires; my existence, my soul-existence is in -itself my prayer, and so long as it exists so long will it pray that I may -have the fullest soul-life. - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg Etext Story of My Heart, by Richard Jefferies - |