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diff --git a/23165-0.txt b/23165-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a86f105 --- /dev/null +++ b/23165-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1304 @@ +Project Gutenberg's The Man Who Stole A Meeting-House, by J. T. Trowbridge + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Man Who Stole A Meeting-House + 1878, From “Coupon Bonds” + +Author: J. T. Trowbridge + +Release Date: October 24, 2007 [EBook #23165] +Last Updated: March 16, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MAN WHO STOLE A MEETING-HOUSE *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + +THE MAN WHO STOLE A MEETING-HOUSE + +By J. T. Trowbridge + +From “Coupon Bonds.” + +Copyright 1878, by James R. Osgood & Co + + +On a recent journey to the Pennsylvania oil regions, I stopped one +evening with a fellow-traveler at a village which had just been thrown +into a turmoil of excitement by the exploits of a horse-thief. As we sat +around the tavern hearth, after supper, we heard the particulars of the +rogue's capture and escape fully discussed; then followed many another +tale of theft and robbery, told amid curling puffs of tobacco-smoke; +until, at the close of an exciting story, one of the natives turned to +my traveling acquaintance, and, with a broad laugh, said, “Kin ye beat +that, stranger?” + +“Well, I don't know--maybe I could if I should try. I never happened to +fall in with any such tall horse-stealing as you tell of, but I knew a +man who stole a meeting-house once.” + +“Stole a meetin'-house! That goes a little beyant anything yit,” + remarked another of the honest villagers. “Ye don't mean he stole it and +carried it away?” + +“Stole it and carried it away,” repeated my traveling companion, +seriously, crossing his legs, and resting his arm on the hack of his +chair. “And, more than all that, I helped him.” + +“How happened that?--for you don't look much like a thief yourself.” All +eyes were now turned upon my friend, a plain New England farmer, whose +honest homespun appearance and candid speech commanded respect. + +“I was his hired man, and I acted under orders. His name was +Jedwort--Old Jedwort, the boys called him, although he wasn't above +fifty when the crooked little circumstance happened which I'll make as +straight a story of as I can, if the company would like to hear it.” + +“Sartin, stranger! sartin! about stealin' the meetin'-house!” chimed in +two or three voices. + +My friend cleared his throat, put his hair behind his ears, and with +a grave, smooth face, but with a merry twinkle in his shrewd gray eye, +began as follows: + +“Jedwort I said his name was; and I shall never forget how he looked one +particular morning. He stood leaning on the front gate--or rather on the +post, for the gate itself was such a shackling concern a child couldn't +have leaned on't without breaking it down. And Jedwort was no child. +Think of a stoutish, stooping, duck-legged man, with a mountainous back, +strongly suggestive of a bag of grist under his shirt, and you have him. +That imaginary grist had been growing heavier and heavier, and he more +and more bent under it, for the last fifteen years and more, until his +head and neck just came forward out from between his shoulders like +a turtle's from its shell. His arms hung, as he walked, almost to the +ground. Being curved with the elbows outward, he looked for all the +world, in a front view, like a waddling interrogation-point inclosed +in a parenthesis. If man was ever a quadruped, as I've heard some folks +tell, and rose gradually from four legs to two, there must have been a +time, very early in his history, when he went about like Old Jedwort. + +“The gate had been a very good gate in its day. It had even been a +genteel gate when Jedwort came into possession of the place by marrying +his wife, who inherited it from her uncle. That was some twenty years +before, and everything had been going to rack and ruin ever since. + +“Jedwort himself had been going to rack and ruin, morally speaking. He +was a middling decent sort of man when I first knew him; and I judge +there must have been something about him more than common, or he +never could have got such a wife. But then women do marry, sometimes, +unaccountably. I've known downright ugly and disagreeable fellows to +work around, till by and by they would get a pretty girl fascinated by +something in them which nobody else could see, and then marry her in +spite of everything;--just as you may have seen a magnetizer on the +stage make his subjects do just what he pleased, or a black snake charm +a bird. Talk about women marrying with their eyes open, under such +circumstances! They don't marry with their eyes open: they are put to +sleep, in one sense, and a'n't more than half responsible for what they +do, if they are that. Then rises the question that has puzzled wiser +heads than any of ours here, and will puzzle more yet, till society is +different from what it is now--how much a refined and sensitive woman is +bound to suffer from a coarse and disgusting master, legally called her +husband, before she is entitled to break off a bad bargain she scarce +had a hand in making. I've sat here to-night and heard about men getting +goods under false pretences; you've told some astonishing big stories, +gentlemen, about rogues stealing horses and sleighs; and I'm going to +tell you about the man who stole a meeting-house; but, when all is said, +I guess it will be found that more extraordinary thieving than all that +often goes on under our own eyes, and nobody takes any notice of +it. There's such a thing, gentlemen, as getting hearts under false +pretences. There's such a thing as a man's stealing a wife. + +“I speak with feeling on this subject, for I had an opportunity of +seeing what Mrs. Jedwort had to put up with from a man no woman of her +stamp could do anything but detest. She was the patientest creature you +ever saw. She was even too patient. If I had been tied to such a cub, I +think I should have cultivated the beautiful and benignant qualities +of a wildcat; there would have been one good fight, and one of us would +have been living, and the other would have been dead, and that would +have been the end of it. But Mrs. Jedwort bore and bore untold miseries +and a large number of children. She had had nine of these, and three +were under the sod and six above it when Jedwort ran off with the +meeting-house in the way I am going on to tell you. There was Maria, the +oldest girl, a perfect picture of what her mother had been at nineteen. +Then there were the two boys, Dave and Dan, fine young fellows, spite +of their father. Then came Lottie, and Susie, and then Willie, a little +four-year-old. + +“It was amazing to see what the mother would do to keep her family +looking decent with the little means she had. For Jedwort was the +tightest screw ever you saw. It was avarice that had spoiled him, and +came so near turning him into a beast. The boys used to say he grew so +bent looking in the dirt for pennies. That was true of his mind, if not +of his body. He was a poor man, and a pretty respectable man, when he +married his wife; but he had no sooner come into possession of a little +property than he grew crazy for more. + +“There are a good many men in the world, that nobody looks upon as +monomaniacs, who are crazy in just that sort of way. They are all for +laying up money, depriving themselves of comforts, and their families +of the advantages of society and education, just to add a few dollars to +their hoard every year; and so they keep on till they die and leave it +to their children, who would be much better off if a little more had +been invested in the cultivation of their minds and manners, and less in +stocks and bonds. + +“Jedwort was just one of that class of men, although perhaps he carried +the fault I speak of a little to excess. A dollar looked so big to him, +and he held it so close, that at last he couldn't see much of anything +else. By degrees he lost all regard for decency and his neighbor's +opinions. His children went barefoot, even after they got to be great +boys and girls, because he was too mean to buy them shoes. It was +pitiful to see a nice, interesting girl, like Maria, go about looking as +she did, while her father was piling his money into the bank. She wanted +to go to school and learn music, and be somebody; but he wouldn't keep a +hired girl, and so she was obliged to stay at home and do housework; and +she could no more have got a dollar out of him to pay for clothes and +tuition than you could squeeze sap out of a hoe-handle. + +“The only way his wife could ever get anything new for the family was by +stealing butter from her own dairy, and selling it behind his back. +'You needn't say anything to Mr. Jedwort about this batch of butter,' +she would hint to the storekeeper; 'but you may hand the money to me, +or I will take my pay in goods.' In this way a new gown, or a piece of +cloth for the boys' coats, or something else the family needed, would be +smuggled into the house, with fear and trembling lest old Jedwort should +make a row and find where the money came from. + +“The house inside was kept neat as a pin; but everything around it +looked terribly shiftless. It was built originally in an ambitious +style, and painted white. It had four tall front pillars, supporting the +portion of the roof that came over the porch--lifting up the eyebrows of +the house, if I may so express myself, and making it look as if it was +going to sneeze. Half the blinds were off their hinges, and the rest +flapped in the wind. The front doorstep had rotted away. The porch had +once a good floor, but for years Jedwort had been in the habit of going +to it whenever he wanted a board for the pig-pen, until not a bit of +floor was left. + +“But I began to tell about Jedwort leaning on the gate that morning. We +had all noticed him; and as Dave and I brought in the milk, his mother +asked, 'What is your father planning now? Half the time he stands there, +looking up the road; or else he's walking up that way in a brown study.' + +“'He's got his eye on the old meeting-house,' says Dave, setting down +his pail. 'He has been watching it and walking round it, off and on, for +a week.' + +“That was the first intimation I had of what the old fellow was up +to. But after breakfast he followed me out of the house, as if he had +something on his mind to say to me. + +“'Stark,' says he, at last, 'you've always insisted on't that I wasn't +an enterprisin' man.' + +“'I insist on't still,' says I; for I was in the habit of talking mighty +plain to him, and joking him pretty hard sometimes. 'If I had this farm, +I'd show you enterprise. You wouldn't see the hogs in the garden half +the time, just for want of a good fence to keep 'em out. You wouldn't +see the very best strip of land lying waste, just for want of a ditch. +You wouldn't see that stone wall by the road tumbling down year after +year, till by and by you won't be able to see it for the weeds and +thistles.' + +“'Yes,' says he, sarcastically, 'ye'd lay-out ten times as much money +on the place as ye'd ever git back agin, I've no doubt. But I believe in +economy.' + +“That provoked me a little, and I said, 'Economy! You're one of the kind +of men that'll skin a flint for sixpence and spoil a jack-knife worth a +shilling. You waste fodder and grain enough every three years to pay for +a bigger barn--to say nothing of the inconvenience.' + +“'Wal, Stark,' says he, grinning and scratching his head, 'I've made up +my mind to have a bigger barn, if I have to steal one.' + +“'That won't be the first thing you've stole, neither,' says I. + +“He flared up at that. 'Stole?' says he. 'What did I ever steal?' + +“'Well, for one thing, the rails the freshet last spring drifted off +from Talcott's land onto yours, and you grabbed: what was that but +stealing?' + +“'That was luck. He couldn't swear to his rails. By the way, they'll +jest come in play now.' + +“'They've come in play already,' says I. 'They've gone on to the old +fences all over the farm, and I could use a thousand more without making +much show.' + +“'That's 'cause you're so dumbed extravagant with rails, as you are +with everything else. A few loads can be spared from the fences here +and there, as well as not. Harness up the team, boys, and git together +enough to make about ten rods o' zigzag, two rails high.' + +“'Two rails?' says Dave, who had a healthy contempt for the old man's +narrow, contracted way of doing things. 'What's the good of such a fence +as that?' + +“'It'll be,' says I, 'like the single bar in music. When our old singing +master asked his class once what a single bar was, Bill Wilkins spoke +up and said, “It's a bar that horses and cattle jump over, and pigs and +sheep run under.”' + +“'What do you expect to keep out with two rails?' + +“'The _law_, boys, the _law_,' says Jedwort. 'I know what I'm about. +I'll make a fence the _law_ can't run under nor jump over; and I don't +care a cuss for the cattle and pigs. You git the rails, and I'll rip +some boards off'n the pig-pen to make stakes.' + +“'Boards a'n't good for nothin' for stakes,' says Dave. 'Besides, none +can't be spared from the pig-pen.' + +“'I'll have boards enough in a day or two for forty pig-pens,' says +Jedwort. 'Bring along the rails and dump 'em out in the road for the +present, and say nothin' to nobody.' + +“We got the rails, and he made his stakes; and right away after dinner +he called us out. 'Come, boys,' says he, 'now we'll astonish the +natives.' + +“The wagon stood in the road, with the last jag of rails still on it. +Jedwort piled on his stakes, and threw on the crowbar and axe, while we +were hitching up the team. + +“'Now, drive on, Stark,' says he. + +“'Yes; but where shall I drive to?' + +“'To the old meetin'-house,' says Jedwort, trudging on ahead. + +“The old meeting-house stood on an open common, at the northeast corner +of his farm. A couple of cross-roads bounded it on two sides; and it +was bounded on the other two by Jedwort's overgrown stone wall. It was +a square, old-fashioned building, with a low steeple, that had a +belfry, but no bell in it, and with a high, square pulpit and high, +straight-backed pews inside. It was now some time since meetings +had been held there; the old society that used to meet there having +separated, one division of it building a fashionable chapel in the North +Village, and the other a fine new church at the Centre. + +“Now, the peculiarity about the old church property was, that nobody had +any legal title to it. A log meeting-house had been built there when the +country was first settled and the land was of no account. In the course +of time that was torn down, and a good frame house put up in its place. +As it belonged to the whole community, no title, either to the house or +land, was ever recorded; and it wasn't until after the society dissolved +that the question came up as to how the property was to be disposed of. +While the old deacons were carefully thinking it over, Jed-wort was on +hand, to settle it by putting in his claim. + +“'Now, boys,' says he, 'ye see what I'm up to.' + +“'Yes,' says I, provoked as I could be at the mean trick, 'and I knew it +was some such mischief all along. You never show any enterprise, as you +call it, unless it is to get the start of a neighbor. Then you are wide +awake; then you are busy as the Devil in a gale of wind.' + +“'But what _are_ you up to, pa?' says Dan, who didn't see the trick yet. + +“The old man says, 'I'm goin' to fence in the rest part of my farm.' + +“'What rest part?' + +“'This part that never was fenced; the old meetin'-house common.' + +“'But, pa,' says Dave, disgusted as I was, 'you've no claim on that.' + +“'Wal, if I ha'n't, I'll make a claim. Give me the crowbar. Now, here's +the corner, nigh as I can squint'; and he stuck the bar into the ground. +'Make a fence to here from the wall, both sides.' + +“'Sho, pa!' says Dan, looking bewildered; 'ye a'n't goin' to fence in +the old meetin'-house, be ye?' + +“'That's jest what I'm goin' to do. Go and git some big stuns from the +wall--the biggest ye can find, to rest the corners of the fence on. +String the rails along by the road, Stark, and go for another load. +Don't stand gawpin' there!' + +“'_Gawpin'?_' says I; 'it's enough to make anybody _gawp_. You do beat +all the critters I ever had to deal with. Haven't ye disgraced your +family enough already, without stealing a meeting-house?' + +“'How have I disgraced my family?' says he. + +“Then I put it to him. 'Look at your children; it's all your wife can do +to prevent 'em from growing up in rags and dirt and ignorance, because +you are too close-fisted to clothe 'em decently or send 'em to school. +Look at your house and yard. To see an Irishman's shanty in such a +condition seems appropriate enough, but a genteel place, a house with +pillars, run down and gone to seed like that, is an eyesore to the +community. Then look at your wife. You never would have had any property +to mismanage if it hadn't been for her; and see the way you show your +gratitude for it. You won't let her go into company, nor have company at +home; you won't allow a hired girl in the house, but she and Maria have +to do all the drudgery. You make perfect slaves of 'em. I swear, if it +wa'n't for your wife, I wouldn't work for you an hour longer; but she's +the best woman in the world, after all you've done to break her spirit, +and I hate to leave her.' + +“The old fellow squirmed, and wrenched the crowbar in the ground, then +snarled back: 'Yes! you're waitin' for me to die; then you mean to step +into my shoes.' + +“'I hope you'll have a decenter pair than them you've got on, if I'm to +step into 'em,' says I. + +“'One thing about it,' says he, 'she won't have ye.' + +“'I should think,' says I, 'a woman that would marry you would have +'most anybody.' + +“So we had it back and forth, till by and by he left me to throw off the +rails, and went to show the boys how to build the fence. + +“'Look here,' says he; 'jest put a thunderin' big stun to each corner; +then lay your rail on; then drive your pair of stakes over it like a +letter X.' He drove a pair. 'Now put on your rider. There's your letter +X, ridin' one length of rails and carryin' another. That's what I call +puttin' yer alphabet to a practical use; and I say there a'n't no sense +in havin' any more education than ye _can_ put to a practical use. I've +larnin' enough to git along in the world; and if my boys have as much +as I've got, they'll git along. Now work spry, for there comes Deacon +Talcott.' + +“'Wal, wall' says the Deacon, coming up, puffing with excitement; 'what +ye doin' to the old meetin'-house?' + +“'Wal,' says Jedwort, driving away at his stakes, and never looking +up, 'I've been considerin' some time what I should do with't, and I've +concluded to make a barn on't.' + +“'Make a barn! make a barn!' cries the Deacon. 'Who give ye liberty to +make a barn of the house of God?' + +“'Nobody; I take the liberty. Why shouldn't I do what I please with my +own prop'ty?' + +“'Your own property--what do you mean? 'Ta'n't your meetin'-house.' + +“'Whose is't, if 'ta'n't mine?' says Jedwort, lifting his turtle's head +from between his horizontal shoulders, and grinning in the Deacon's +face. + +“'It belongs to the society,' says the Deacon.' + +“'But the s'ciety's pulled up stakes and gone off.' + +“'It belongs to individooals of the society--to individooals.' + +“'Wal, I'm an individooal,' says Jedwort. + +“'You! you never went to meetin' here a dozen times in your life!' + +“'I never did have my share of the old meet-in'-house, that's a fact,' +says Jedwort; 'but I'll make it up now.' + +“'But what are ye fencin' up the common for?' says the Deacon. + +“'It'll make a good calf-pastur'. I've never had my share o' the vally +o' that, either. I've let my neighbors' pigs and critters run on't long +enough; and now I'm jest goin' to take possession o' my own.' + +“'Your own!' says the Deacon, in perfect consternation. 'You've no deed +on't.' + +“'Wal, have you?' + +“'No--but--the society--' + +“'The s'ciety, I tell ye,' says Jedwort, holding his head up longer than +I ever knew him to hold it up at a time and grinning all the while in +Tal-cott's face--'the s'ciety is split to pieces. There a'n't no s'ciety +now--any more'n a pig's a pig arter you've butchered and e't it. You've +e't the pig amongst ye, and left me the pen. The s'ciety never had a +deed o' this 'ere prop'ty; and no man never had a deed o' this e're +prop'ty. My wife's gran'daddy, when he took up the land here, was a +good-natered sort of man, and he allowed a corner on't for his neighbors +to put up a temp'rary meetin'-house. That was finally used up--the kind +o' preachin' they had them days was enough to use up in a little time +any house that wa'n't fire-proof; and when that was preached to pieces, +they put up another shelter in its place. This is it. And now't the +land a'n't used no more for the puppose 'twas lent for, it goes back +nat'rally to the estate 'twas took from, and the buildin's along with +it.' + +“'That's all a sheer fabrication,' says the Deacon. 'This land was never +a part of what's now your farm, any more than it was a part of mine.' + +“'Wal,' says Jedwort, 'I look at it in my way, and you've a perfect +right to look at it in your way. But I'm goin' to make sure o' my way, +by puttin' a fence round the hull concern.' + +“'And you're usin' some of my rails for to do it with!' says the Deacon. + +“'Can you swear they're your rails?' + +“'Yes, I can; they're the rails the freshet carried off from my farm +last spring, and landed on to yourn.' + +“'So I've heard ye say. But can you swear to the partic'lar rails? Can +you swear, for instance, 't this 'ere is your rail? or this 'ere one?' + +“'No; I can't swear to precisely them two--but--' + +“'Can you swear to these two? or to any one or two?' says Jedwort. 'No, +ye can't. Ye can swear to the lot in general, but you can't swear to +any partic'lar rail, and that kind o' swearin' won't stand law, Deacon +Talcott. I don't boast of bein' an edicated man, but I know suthin' o' +what law is, and when I know it, I dror a line there, and I toe that +line, and I make my neighbors toe that line, Deacon Talcott. Nine p'ints +o' the law is possession, and I'll have possession o' this 'ere house +and land by fencin' on't in; and though every man't comes along should +say these 'ere rails belong to them, I'll fence it in with these 'ere +very rails.' + +“Jedwort said this, wagging his obstinate old head, and grinning with +his face turned up pugnaciously at the Deacon; then went to work again +as if he had settled the question, and didn't wish to discuss it any +further. + +“As for Talcott, he was too full of wrath and boiling indignation to +answer such a speech. He knew that Jedwort had managed to get the start +of him with regard to the rails, by mixing a few of his own with those +he had stolen, so that nobody could tell 'em apart; and he saw at once +that the meeting-house was in danger of going the same way, just for +want of an owner to swear out a clear title to the property. He did +just the wisest thing when he swallowed his vexation, and hurried off to +alarm the leading men of the two societies, and to consult a lawyer. + +“'He'll stir up the old town like a bumblebee's nest,' says Jedwort. +'Hurry up, boys, or there'll be a buzzin' round our ears 'fore we git +through!' + +“'I wish ye wouldn't, pa!' says Dave, 'Why don't we 'tend to our own +business, and be decent, like other folks? I'm sick of this kind of +life.' + +“'Quit it, then,' says Jedwort. + +“'Do you tell me to quit it?' says Dave, dropping the end of a rail he +was handling. + +“'Yes, I do; and do it dumbed quick, if ye can't show a proper respect +to your father!” + +“Dave turned white as a sheet, and he trembled as he answered back, 'I +should be glad to show you respect, if you was a man I could feel any +respect for.' + +“At that Jedwort caught hold of the iron bar that was sticking in the +ground, where he had been making a hole for a stake, and pulled away +at it. 'I'll make a stake-hole in you!' says he. 'It's enough to have a +sassy hired man round, without bein' jawed by one's own children!' + +“Dave was out of reach by the time the bar came out of the ground. + +“'Come here, you villain!' says the old man. + +“'I'd rather be excused,' says Dave, backing off. 'I don't want any +stake-holes made in me to-day. You told me to quit, and I'm going to, +You may steal your own meeting-houses in future; I won't help.' + +“There was a short race. Dave's young legs proved altogether too smart +for the old waddler's, and he got off. Then Jedwort, coming back, +wheezing and sweating, with his iron bar, turned savagely on me. + +“I've a good notion to tell you to go too!' + +“'Very well, why don't ye?' says I. 'Im ready.' + +“'There's no livin' with ye, ye're gettin' so dumbed sassy! What I keep +ye for is a mystery to me.' + +“'No, it a'n't; you keep me because you can't get another man to fill my +place. You put up with my sass for the money I bring ye in.' + +“'Hold your yawp,' says he, 'and go and git another load of rails. If ye +see Dave, tell him to come back to work.' + +“I did see Dave, but, instead of telling him to go back, I advised him +to put out from the old home and get his living somewhere else. His +mother and Maria agreed with me; and when the old man came home that +night Dave was gone. + +“When I got back with my second load, I found the neighbors assembling +to witness the stealing of the old meeting-house, and Jedwort was +answering their remonstrances. + +“'A meetin'-house is a respectable kind o' prop'ty to have round,' says +he. 'The steeple'll make a good show behind my house. When folks ride +by, they'll stop and look, and say, “There's a man keeps a private +meetin'-house of his own.” I can have preachin' in't, too, if I want. I'm +able to hire a preacher of my own, or I can preach myself and save the +expense.' + +“Of course, neither sarcasm nor argument could have any effect on such a +man. As the neighbors were going away, Jedwort shouted after 'em: 'Call +agin. Glad to see ye. There'll be more sport in a few days, when I take +the dumbed thing away.' (The dumbed thing was the meeting-house.) 'I +invite ye all to see the show. Free gratis. It'll be good as a circus, +and a 'tarnal sight cheaper. The women can bring their knittin', and the +gals their everlastin' tattin'. As it'll be a pious kind o' show, bein' +it's a meetin'-house, guess I'll have notices gi'n out from the pulpits +the Sunday afore.' + +“The common was fenced in by sundown; and the next day Jedwort had over +a house-mover from the North Village to look and see what could be done +with the building. 'Can ye snake it over, and drop it back of my house?' +says he. + +“It'll be a hard job,' says old Bob, 'without you tear down the steeple +fust.' + +“But Jedwort said, 'What's a meetin'-house 'thout a steeple? I've got my +heart kind o' set on that steeple, and I'm bound to go the hull hog on +this 'ere concern, now I've begun.' + +“'I vow,' says Bob, examining the timbers, 'I won't warrant but the old +thing'll all tumble down.' + +“'I'll resk it.' + +“'Yes; but who'll resk the lives of me and my men?' + +“'O, you'll see if it's re'ly goin' to tumble, and look out. I'll engage +'t me and my boys'll do the most dangerous part of the work. Dumbed if +I wouldn't agree to ride in the steeple and ring the bell if there was +one.' + +“I've never heard that the promised notices were read from the pulpits; +but it wasn't many days before Bob came over again, bringing with him +this time his screws and ropes and rollers, his men and timbers, horse +and capstan; and at last the old house might have been seen on its +travels. + +“It was an exciting time all around. The societies found that Jedwort's +fence gave him the first claim to house and land unless a regular siege +of the law was gone through to beat him off--and then it might turn out +that he would beat them. Some said fight him; some said let him be--the +thing a'n't worth going to law for; and so, as the leading men couldn't +agree as to what should be done, nothing was done. That was just what +Jedwort had expected, and he laughed in his sleeve while Bob and his +boys screwed up the old meeting-house, and got their beams under it, and +set it on rollers, and slued it around, and slid it on the timbers laid +for it across into Jedwort's field, steeple foremost, like a locomotive +on a track. + +“It was a trying time for the women folks at home. Maria had declared +that, if her father did persist in stealing the meeting-house, she would +not stay a single day after it, but would follow Dave. + +“That touched me pretty close, for, to tell the truth, it was rather +more Maria than her mother that kept me at work for the old man. 'If you +go,' says I, 'then there is no object for me to stay; I shall go too.' + +“'That's what I supposed,' says she; 'for there's no reason in the world +why you should stay. But then Dan will go; and who'll be left to take +sides with mother? That's what troubles me. Oh, if she could only +go too! But she won't; and she couldn't if she would, with the other +children depending on her. Dear, dear! what shall we do?' + +“The poor girl put her head on my shoulder, and cried; and if I should +own up to the truth, I suppose I cried a little too. For where's the man +that can hold a sweet woman's head on his shoulder, while she sobs out +her trouble, and he hasn't any power to help her--who, I say, can do any +less, under such circumstances, than drop a tear or two for company? + +“'Never mind; don't hurry,' says Mrs. Jed-wort. 'Be patient, and wait a +while, and it'll all turn out right, I'm sure.' + +“'Yes, you always say, “Be patient, and wait!”' says Maria, brushing +back her hair. 'But, for my part, I'm tired of waiting, and my patience +has given out long ago. We can't always live in this way, and we may as +well make a change now as ever. But I can't bear the thought of going +and leaving you.' + +“Here the two younger girls came in; and, seeing that crying was the +order of the day, they began to cry; and when they heard Maria talk +of going, they declared they would go; and even little Willie, the +four-year-old, began to howl. + +“'There, there! Maria! Lottie! Susie! said Mrs. Jedwort, in her calm +way; 'Willie, hush up! I don't know what we are to do; but I feel that +something is going to happen that will show us the right way, and we are +to wait. Now go and wash the dishes, and set the cheese.' + +“That was just after breakfast, the second day of the moving; and sure +enough, something like what she prophesied did happen before another +sun. + +“The old frame held together pretty well till along toward night, when +the steeple showed signs of seceding. 'There she goes! She's falling +now!' sung out the boys, who had been hanging around all day in hopes of +seeing the thing tumble. + +“The house was then within a few rods of where Jedwort wanted it; but +Bob stopped right there, and said it wasn't safe to haul it another +inch. 'That steeple's bound to come down, if we do,' says he. + +“'Not by a dumbed sight, it a'n't,' says Jedwort, 'Them cracks a'n't +nothin'; the j'ints is all firm yit.' He wanted Bob to go up and +examine; but Bob shook his head--the concern looked too shaky. Then he +told me to go up; but I said I hadn't lived quite long enough, and had +a little rather be smoking my pipe on _terra firma_. Then the boys began +to hoot. 'Dumbed if ye a'n't all a set of cowards,' says he. 'I'll go up +myself.' + +“We waited outside while he climbed up inside. The boys jumped on the +ground to jar the steeple, and make it fall. One of them blew a horn--as +he said, to bring down the old Jericho--and another thought he'd help +things along by starting up the horse, and giving the building a little +wrench. But Bob put a stop to that; and finally out came a head from the +belfry window; It was Jedwort, who shouted down to us: 'There ain't a +j'int or brace gi'n out. Start the hoss, and I'll ride. Pass me up that +'ere horn, and--' + +“Just then there came a cracking and loosening of timbers; and we that +stood nearest had only time to jump out of the way, when down came the +steeple crashing to the ground, with Jedwort in it.” + +“I hope it killed the cuss,” said one of the village story-tellers. + +“Worse than that,” replied my friend; “it just cracked his skull--not +enough to put an end to his miserable life, but only to take away what +little sense he had. We got the doctors to him, and they patched up his +broken head; and, by George, it made me mad to see the fuss the women +folks made over him. It would have been my way to let him die; but +they were as anxious and attentive to him as if he had been the kindest +husband and most indulgent father that ever lived; for that's women's +style: they're unreasoning creatures. + +“Along toward morning, we persuaded Mrs. Jedwort, who had been up all +night, to lie down a spell and catch a little rest, while Maria and I +sat up and watched with the old man. All was still except our whispers +and his heavy breathing; there was a lamp burning in the next room; when +all of a sudden a light shone into the windows, and about the same time +we heard a roaring and crackling sound. We looked out, and saw the night +all lighted up, as if by some great fire. As it appeared to be on the +other side of the house, we ran to the door, and there what did we see +but the old meeting-house all in flames! Some fellows had set fire to it +to spite Jedwort. It must have been burning some time inside; for when +we looked out the flames had burst through the roof. + +“As the night was perfectly still, except a light wind blowing away from +the other buildings on the place, we raised no alarm, but just stood +in the door and saw it burn. And a glad sight it was to us, you may +be sure. I just held Maria close to my side, and told her that all was +well--it was the best thing that could happen. 'O yes,' says she, 'it +seems to me as though a kind Providence was burning up his sin and home +out of our sight. + +“I had never yet said anything to her about marriage--for the time to +come at that had never seemed to arrive; but there's nothing like a +little excitement to bring things to a focus. You've seen water in a +tumbler just at the freezing-point, but not exactly able to make up its +mind to freeze, when a little jar will set the crystals forming, and in +a minute what was liquid is ice. It was the shock of events that night +that touched my life into crystals--not of ice, gentlemen, by any manner +of means. + +“After the fire had got along so far that the meeting-house was a gone +case, an alarm was given probably by the very fellows that set it, and a +hundred people were on the spot before the thing had done burning. + +“Of course these circumstances put an end to the breaking up of the +family. Dave was sent for, and came home. Then, as soon as we saw that +the old man's brain was injured so that he wasn't likely to recover his +mind, the boys and I went to work and put that farm through a course of +improvement it would have done your eyes good to see. The children were +sent to school, and Mrs. Jedwort had all the money she wanted now to +clothe them, and to provide the house with comforts, without stealing +her own butter. Jedwort was a burden; but, in spite of him, that was +just about the happiest family, for the next four years, that ever lived +on this planet. + +“Jedwort soon got his bodily health, but I don't think he knew one of +us again after his hurt. As near as I could get at his state of mind, he +thought he had been changed into some sort of animal. He seemed inclined +to take me for a master, and for four years he followed me around like a +dog. During that time he never spoke, but only whined and growled. When +I said, 'Lie down,' he'd lie down; and when I whistled he'd come. + +“I used sometimes to make him work; and certain simple things he would +do very well, as long as I was by. One day I had a jag of hay to get in; +and, as the boys were away, I thought I'd have him load it. I pitched it +on to the wagon about where it ought to lie, and looked to him only to +pack it down. There turned out to be a bigger load than I had expected, +and the higher it got, the worse the shape of it, till finally, as I +was starting it toward the barn, off it rolled, and the old man with it, +head foremost. + +“He struck a stone heap, and for a moment I thought he was killed. But +he jumped up and spoke for the first time. '_I'll blow it_,' says he, +finishing the sentence he had begun four years before, when he called +for the horn to be passed up to him. + +“I couldn't have been much more astonished if one of the horses had +spoken. But I saw at once that there was an expression in Jedwort's face +that hadn't been there since his tumble in the belfry; and I knew that, +as his wits had been knocked out of him by one blow on the head, so +another blow had knocked 'em in again. + +“'Where's Bob?' says he, looking all round. + +“'Bob?' says I, not thinking at first who he meant. Oh, Bob is dead--he +has been dead these three years.' + +“Without noticing my reply, he exclaimed: 'Where did all that hay come +from? Where's the old meetin'-house?' + +“'Don't you know?' says I. 'Some rogues set fire to it the night after +you got hurt, and burnt it up.' + +“He seemed then just beginning to realize that something extraordinary +had happened. + +“'Stark,' says he, 'what's the matter with ye? You're changed.' + +“'Yes,' say I, 'I wear my beard now, and I've grown older!' + +“'Dumbed if 'ta'n't odd!' says he. 'Stark, what in thunder's the matter +with _me?_ + +“'You've had meeting-house on the brain for the past four years,' says +I; 'that's what's the matter.' + +“It was some time before I could make him understand that he had been +out of his head, and that so long a time had been a blank to him. + +“Then he said, 'Is this my farm?' + +“'Don't you know it?' says I. + +“'It looks more slicked up than ever it used to,' says he. + +“'Yes,' says I; 'and you'll find everything else on the place slicked up +in about the same way.' + +“'Where's Dave?' says he. + +“'Dave has gone to town to see about selling the wool.' + +“'Where's Dan?' + +“'Dan's in college. He takes a great notion to medicine; and we're going +to make a doctor of him.' + +“'Whose house is that?' says he, as I was taking him home. + +“'No wonder you don't know it,' says I. 'It has been painted, and +shingled, and had new blinds put on; the gates and fences are all in +prime condition; and that's a new barn we put up a couple of years ago.' + +“'Where does the money come from, to make all these improvements?' + +“'It comes off the place,' says I. 'We haven't run in debt the first +cent for anything, but we've made the farm more profitable than it ever +was before.' + +“'That _my_ house?' he repeated wonderingly, as we approached it. 'What +sound is that?' + +“'That's Lottie practicing her lesson on the piano.' + +“'A pianer in my house?' he muttered. 'I can't stand that!' He listened. +'It sounds pooty, though!' + +“'Yes, it does sound pretty, and I guess you'll like it How does the +place suit you?' + +“'It _looks_ pooty.' He started. 'What young lady is that?' + +“It was Lottie, who had left her music and stood by the window. + +“'My dahter! ye don't say! Dumbed if she a'n't a mighty nice gal.' + +“'Yes,' says I; 'she takes after her mother.' + +“Just then Susie, who heard talking, ran to the door. + +“'Who's that agin?' says Jedwort. + +“I told him. + +“'Wal, _she's_ a mighty nice-lookin' gal!' + +“'Yes,' says I, she takes after her mother.' + +“Little Willie, now eight years old, came out of the woodshed with a +bow-and-arrow in his hand, and stared like an owl, hearing his father +talk. + +“'What boy is that?' says Jedwort. And when I told him, he muttered, +'He's an ugly-looking brat!' + +“'He's more like his father,' says I. + +“The truth is, Willie was such a fine boy the old man was afraid to +praise him, for fear I'd say of him, as I'd said of the girls, that he +favored his mother. + +“Susie ran back and gave the alarm; and then out came mother, and Maria +with her baby in her arms, for I forgot to tell you that we had been +married now nigh on to two years. + +“Well, the women folks were as much astonished as I had been when +Jedwort first spoke, and a good deal more delighted. They drew him into +the house; and I am bound to say he behaved remarkably well. He kept +looking at his wife, and his children, and his grandchild, and the new +paper on the walls, and the new furniture, and now and then asking a +question or making a remark. + +“'It all comes back to me now,' says he at last. 'I thought I was living +in the moon, with a superior race of human bein's; and this is the +place, and you are the people.' + +“It wasn't more than a couple of days before he began to pry around, and +find fault, and grumble at the expense; and I saw there was danger of +things relapsing into something like their former condition. So I took +him one side, and talked to him. + +“'Jedwort,' says I, 'you're like a man raised from the grave. You was +the same as buried to your neighbors, and now they come and look at you +as they would at a dead man come to life. To you, it's like coming into +a new world, and I'll leave it to you now, if you don't rather like the +change from the old state of things to what you see around you to-day. +You've seen how the family affairs go on--how pleasant everything is, +and how we all enjoy ourselves. You hear the piano, and like it; you see +your children sought after and respected, your wife in finer health and +spirits than you've ever known her since the day she was married; you +see industry and neatness everywhere on the premises; and you're a beast +if you don't like all that. In short, you see that our management is a +great deal better than yours; and that we beat you even in the matter of +economy. Now, what I want to know is this: whether you think you'd like +to fall into our way of living, or return like a hog to your wallow.' + +“'I don't say but what I like your way of livin' very well,' he +grumbled. + +“'Then,' says I, 'you must just let us go ahead, as we have been going +ahead. Now's the time for you to turn about and be a respectable man, +like your neighbors. Just own up, and say you've not only been out of +your head the past four years, but that you've been more or less out of +your head the last four-and-twenty years. But say you're in your right +mind now, and prove it by acting like a man in his right mind. Do that, +and I'm with you; we're all with you. But go back to your old dirty +ways, and you go alone. Now I sha'n't let you off till you tell me what +you mean to do.' + +“He hesitated some time, then said, 'Maybe you're about right, Stark; +you and Dave and the old woman seem to be doin' pooty well, and I guess +I'll let you go on.'” + +Here my friend paused, as if his story was done; when one of the +villagers asked, “About the land where the old meetin'-house stood--what +ever was done with that?” + +“That was appropriated for a new school-house; and there my little +shavers go to school.” + +“And old Jedwort, is he alive yet?” + +“Both Jedwort and his wife have gone to that country where meanness and +dishonesty have a mighty poor chance--where the only investments worth +much are those recorded in the Book of Life. Mrs. Jedwort was rich +in that kind of stock; and Jedwort's account, I guess, will compare +favorably with that of some respectable people, such as we all know. I +tell ye, my friends,” continued my fellow-traveler, “there's many a man, +both in the higher and lower ranks of life, that 't would do a deal of +good, say nothing of the mercy 'twould be to their families, just to +knock 'em on the head, and make Nebu-chadnezzars of 'em--then, after +they'd been turned out to grass a few years, let 'em come back again, +and see how happy folks have been, and how well they have got along +without 'em. + +“I carry on the old place now,” he added. “The younger girls are married +off; Dan's a doctor in the North Village; and as for Dave, he and I have +struck ile. I'm going out to look at our property now.” + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Man Who Stole A Meeting-House, by +J. T. 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