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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Droozle + +Author: Frank Banta + +Release Date: October 22, 2007 [EBook #23148] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DROOZLE *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Rebecca Hoath and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + +<h1>DROOZLE</h1> + +<p class="center"><i>Droozle was probably the greatest writer in the world—any +world!</i></p> + +<h2>By FRANK BANTA</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 606px;"> +<p class="figleft"> +<img src="images/gd62070i.png" width="307" height="395" alt="Left hand side of watermark" title="" /> +</p> +<p class="figright"> +<img src="images/gd62071i.png" width="299" height="395" alt="Right hand side of watermark" title="" /> +</p> +</div> + + +<p>Jean Lanni could see that his girl friend, Judy Stokes, thought it was +the lamest excuse she had ever heard. If your ballpoint pen won't write +as you want it to, your life doesn't stop, she probably was thinking. +You just get yourself another pen—You don't call off a marriage....</p> + +<p>Skeptically the girl with the long, golden red hair pointed at his +breast pocket. "This Droozle I must see. And who's that other member of +the partnership there beside him? An Eversharp pencil named Blackie?"</p> + +<p>"No, that is the other end of Droozle. Permit me to introduce you." +Blandly the tall, young artist slid Droozle from his breast pocket, +straightened him from his U-shape and handed his twelve-inch pen to her.</p> + +<p>"A snake!" she shrieked.</p> + +<p>"What else?"</p> + +<p>"Why, I thought those ruby eyes were jewels! I must have squeezed right +up against him when I kissed you," she cried indignantly.</p> + +<p>"You did. I felt him squirm a little."</p> + +<p>"Oh! And here I thought it was your heart beating wildly."</p> + +<p>"Well, maybe it was. It does that sometimes."</p> + +<p>"Let's try again. And this time hold your snake behind you." The +long-legged girl stood on tiptoe to reach him.</p> + +<p>"It <i>was</i> your heart beating wildly," she decided a moment later. "Which +makes me think you might not just be trying to get rid of me by a silly +excuse."</p> + +<p>"Believe me, I'm not," he urged. "Droozle is the key to all my +fortunes."</p> + +<p>"All right, tell me about it. But first tell me where in the universe +you got him."</p> + +<p>"Oh, that was just after I graduated from art school. I was on my grand +tour. We had an unexpected stopover at the Coffin planetary system. I +discovered ballpoint snakes are the chief export of Coffin Two. When we +lifted ship, I had acquired my little puppy snake, Droozle."</p> + +<p>"Is a puppy snake like a puppy dog?" she asked, fascinated. "I mean, do +they have their little domestic troubles, such as the calls of nature?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, he was thoroughly pocket-broken before I acquired him. But he did +like his little jokes, and I learned to leave him curled up in a +circular ashtray until maturity sobered him."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"Well, I should say! You drew sketches with him, didn't you tell me?"</p> + +<p>He nodded. "At first he only had one color of ink—red—and if I +sketched with him all day he would commence to look wretchedly anemic. +He took two days to refill, normally. But I could use him again in only +one day's time provided I didn't mind the top three-fourths of my pen +laying on my arm."</p> + +<p>"I hope his weight didn't get tiresome," she commiserated, holding in +her amusement.</p> + +<p>"I coped somehow," he answered sturdily. "Later he learned—after I +squeezed him on the liver a few times just to show him how—to switch to +a lovely shade of ochre, which was delightful on pale green or pink +paper. Why, what's the matter, Judy?"</p> + +<p>"Go on," she choked. "Go go go!"</p> + +<p>He beamed. "I write my letters with him too. Every day I wrote with him, +first in red, and then in ochre to give him a rest. He seemed to love to +write more than to sketch. He would jump into my hand with tail happily +pointed downward as I sat down to my writing desk. And when I later saw +his dark green stripes turning pastel and knew that anemia was imminent, +and started to lay him down for a earned rest, he would stiffen himself +as if to say, 'Oh, come, come! I'm good for half a page yet!'"</p> + +<p>"It sounds as though he was a willing worker, but I still can't see why +his malfunction makes our marriage impossible."</p> + +<p>"I haven't gotten to his career as a novelist yet. There lies the heart +of the tragedy."</p> + +<p>"Please proceed to the heart of the tragedy."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"It all began when I found him arched up one morning, writing by +himself—with difficulty, it is true. His first message to the world +was, '<i>I hold that the supine viewpoint is seldom downward!</i>'"</p> + +<p>"I don't see how he could stand up on end to write for very long, even +with such a magnificent philosophy to bolster him."</p> + +<p>"What a terrible pun," Jean groaned. "He couldn't stand up very long at +first. But I saw he had talent. I gladly learned the skill of holding +him upright in a relaxed manner so that he could express himself on +paper. In no time at all, he had written what was to be his first, +sensational, best-selling shocker, <i>Naked Bellies in the Grass</i>."</p> + +<p>"That does sound sensational."</p> + +<p>"Not for snakes. He neglected to mention his characters were snakes. <i>I +Fang You Very Much</i> followed swiftly afterward and was just as +successful. Mothers were amused with its lispy title and got it for the +children."</p> + +<p>"Sounds like a story with some meat in it."</p> + +<p>"Yes! Something you can get your teeth into. However, his next offering, +<i>A Snake Pit Full of Love</i>, was by far the topper. It was banned in +Boston."</p> + +<p>"You haven't mentioned anything tragic so far," she observed. "In fact, +you have made a pot of money."</p> + +<p>"Right. After my snake had filed his income tax returns, we still had +enough money to purchase this house and to support us for a couple of +years. The only trouble is, his royalties have stopped coming in and +that money is all used up. I still haven't been able to sell any of my +landscape paintings. So we haven't any income, and that's why you and I +can't marry for a long time yet—if ever!"</p> + +<p>Her exquisite brows wrinkled with concentration. "I don't understand. +Has Droozle written himself out?"</p> + +<p>"Far from it," answered Jean, seating himself and parking Droozle on his +knee. "He's writing more than ever."</p> + +<p>"The quality is gone, then?"</p> + +<p>Jean shook his head. "No, he's writing superlatively."</p> + +<p>"Then what <i>is</i> the problem?" she asked, now thoroughly mystified.</p> + +<p>"He's writing classics!" burst out Jean in baffled irritation. "He won't +write anything else! Easily seeing the approaching catastrophe, I wrote +long persuading essays to him. It was pathetically useless. Proudly he +continued to write his <i>Rise and Fall of the Western Plainsman</i> in a +lucid, passionate prose which would evoke an imperishable picture—but +in three thousand pages."</p> + +<p>"I think classics are <i>nice</i>," protested Judy, "and one of these days +I'm going to read another one."</p> + +<p>Huskily Jean told her the worst. "Writing classics consumes paper by the +ton. And if you ever get your 750,000 word story finished, you must then +start shrinking it back to an acceptable 75,000 words. This is a nearly +hopeless task. Of course if you can get it back to 75,000 words the +digest magazines will have no trouble shrinking it to 15,000 words or +fifteen pictures, and you then get your fingers in the till." He paused +and all hope fled from his face. "Droozle won't live nearly long enough +to get all of that shrinking done. And in the meantime that scribbling +snake is writing me out of house and home!"</p> + +<p>"Are you going to let him get away with it?" the girl challenged.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"I don't know whether I am or not," replied the young artist, looking +worried. "I thought I had the problem solved at first. He got so sassy +when we were arguing about him writing classics that I had no hesitation +about applying a pinch of glue to his glittering little extremity. That +put him out of the writing business until he came to terms."</p> + +<p>"Well, now. You <i>were</i> enterprising!" she approved.</p> + +<p>"It didn't do any good though," Jean grumbled despondently, bowing his +head.</p> + +<p>"He wouldn't bargain?" she asked incredulously.</p> + +<p>"He didn't have to. He knew right where the cheese grater was."</p> + +<p>"Ooh!"</p> + +<p>"My sentiments exactly. But I don't know what to do with him now."</p> + +<p>"You're all out of ideas?"</p> + +<p>"Oh we could sell this house and move down to skid row where the rents +are cheap," he flung out airily, but quite plainly worried sick.</p> + +<p>"I've got a much better idea than that," she said cheerily, getting a +pad and pencil from her red handbag. "How about giving Droozle this +ultimatum?" As she wrote, Jean read over her shoulder, "'Suggest you +begin writing fiction pleasing both to you and your master, or we shall +be forced to hand you over to the dog catcher!'"</p> + +<p>Jean drew back amazed. "Why, we would do no such thing!"</p> + +<p>"I know it, silly. I'm just negotiating."</p> + +<p>"No," he grumped, ready to be angry with her. He got up and strode +around the studio. "The dog catcher! We will not lie to that snake!"</p> + +<p>Judy dropped the idea. "I've just now thought of another one. Here's an +ultimatum we could give him and mean it, too. No more writing until we +reach an agreement, or we will take away all his writing paper and +reading matter for good!"</p> + +<p>"I'd thought of doing that," Jean conceded. "But isn't that a monstrous +way to treat a literary genius?"</p> + +<p>"Not at all!" she protested. "By taking on a work that will require more +time than his lifetime, he is defeating himself."</p> + +<p>"There's that way of looking at it," agreed the artist. "All right, +Droozle," he called. "You heard us talking and you know we mean it. No +more writing until we reach an agreement—or else!"</p> + +<p>Droozle quit writing at once. While the girl and the young artist +watched anxiously, Droozle first wandered about uncertainly for a few +minutes and then curled up on a newspaper and went to sleep.</p> + +<p>He slept all evening.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"He has beaten us again," Jean Lanni told Judy Stokes resignedly when +she arrived at his studio the following evening. He watched Droozle +fascinatedly as the snake moved his restless tail over the margins of +newspapers spread on the floor. "He doesn't know yet that I know. I +discovered the fraud only by the merest accident."</p> + +<p>"He isn't writing?" she asked, perusing the newspapers for signs of +Droozle's elegant script.</p> + +<p>"He most certainly is."</p> + +<p>"Where?"</p> + +<p>"Look at him!" Jean exclaimed, ignoring her question. "He's doing it +again!"</p> + +<p>Droozle had ceased wriggling for the moment and lay there shaking +violently, as though he had malaria. Then the paroxysm passed and he +took up his restless movements again.</p> + +<p>"The poor genius," mourned Judy. "He must be sick with frustration."</p> + +<p>"Sick, my eye! That snake has learned to centrifuge part of his blood +while it is in his body, so that the hemoglobin is separated out. The +result is—invisible ink!"</p> + +<p>"Why, I'll tell that Droozle off!" raved Judy. "Here I sat feeling sorry +for the little crumb!"</p> + +<p>Droozle did not mind. While she ranted, he brazenly began writing in +visible ink once more.</p> + +<p>"How did you catch him at it?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"I used a piece of his newspaper to pick up a hot saw blade. The heat +turned the invisible ink brown."</p> + +<p>"Droozle," said the girl passionately, looking down at the writer, "you +know your master is in great need of funds. <i>Where</i> is your sense of +loyalty and self-sacrifice for the one who has cared for you?"</p> + +<p>Droozle wrote poetically, "Is there Joy or any other good thing in +Abnegation? Is there Beauty in Sacrifice? What Handsome purpose do these +serve a being in his race with Time? His Days will soon be spent and +they will come no more; thus my Criterion: Is This the most Joy +gathering, Awareness touching, Beauty sensing act of which he is +capable? None other is worthy of his time!"</p> + +<p>"Men are not so selfish," objected Jean.</p> + +<p>"I am not a man," wrote Droozle simply.</p> + +<p>Jean turned staunchly to the girl. "Judy, he has convinced me. I have +been wrong about him. From now on <i>he can write whatever he likes</i>!"</p> + +<p>"Good-by to our hopes then?"</p> + +<p>"For the present, yes," assented Jean stoically, as he brought fresh +sheets of paper from his desk for Droozle. "My landscapes might begin to +sell after a while," he added without conviction.</p> + +<p>"Rotten little crumb," Judy fumed, glaring balefully at the snake. But +Droozle wrote serenely on, his ruby eyes glowing enigmatically.</p> + +<p>Jean interposed magnanimously, "I see now that I have been inexcusably +selfish with Droozle. I've kept him cooped up here, not wanting to +bother with him while I was out on my painting trips. True, he was busy +writing. But most of his knowledge of Earth has come from books; he +can't write classics about living things unless he sees living things."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>As she picked up his trend of thought, Judy's face lost its resentful +expression, and something like seraphic righteousness spread over it. "I +see what you mean. Just how did you plan to make up for this shut-in +feeling that poor Droozle must have been suffering so much from for all +these years?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, Judy, I'm so glad you asked me!" He threw wide his arms to the +world. "<i>Out</i> into the wind and the rain we shall go, and there I will +draw my pictures while he observes; then <i>into</i> the roaring, brawling +taverns we shall go, where life thrives in all its abundance. I've been +robbing him by shutting him up here."</p> + +<p>"Jean, look at Droozle," the girl exclaimed, pointing. "He has stopped +in the middle of a page and is starting on a fresh one."</p> + +<p>Droozle wrote, "Please not out into the wind and the rain. Please not +into the roaring, brawling taverns where life thrives in all its +abundance. I <i>loathe</i> shudder and tilt."</p> + +<p>"Loathing is no reason to turn away from reality, Droozle," admonished +the artist. "Things are not nearly so bad as they used to be anyway. In +all justice, shudder and tilt requires far less body-English than its +ancestor, rock and roll."</p> + +<p>Droozle argued carefully, "You will recall I heard some of it once when +you took me into a particularly dirty bar over in the west end of town. +I feel, as a result, that I have observed this type of data to the +extent that I can write of it competently without further study."</p> + +<p>"Oh, but that was months ago," enthused Jean. "The tunes have all +changed by now. New pows appear on the tapes every week. You have missed +countless sockeroos already, being cooped up here. You will bless me, +once you get accustomed to the realities of life—see if you don't. +Heigh-ho the wind and the rain!"</p> + +<p>The snake shuddered.</p> + +<p>"Careful, you'll centrifuge," Judy warned.</p> + +<p>Jean added reflectively, studying the ceiling, "Day by day, month by +month, year by year, the reality of everyday existence etches deeply +into our consciousness, if we will but have the fortitude to expose +ourselves to it."</p> + +<p>Droozle unavoidably centrifuged this time, but did manage, with +laborious lateral movements, to mix the hemoglobin back with the plasma +again.</p> + +<p>He complained, "It is cruel of you to condemn me to this ugliness. I +want only to read my books and hear a few simple fugues by Bach."</p> + +<p>"It is not cruel. You will have exactly the same existence I have chosen +for myself as an artist. It is fundamental that if you are to write +serious literature, you must rub your nose against the realities of +life."</p> + +<p>Droozle wriggled unhappily for a moment. Finally he wrote, "Actually my +writing may not be as serious as the title implies. Misunderstandings +conceivably arise over titles. Instead of <i>The Rise and Fall of the +Western Plainsman</i>, how about changing it to <i>Those Lowdown Scaly +Rustlers</i>?"</p> + +<p>"That's really getting down to earth," cried Jean, concealing his +elation. "But if you aren't going to write serious literature, who will +I get to go on my painting trips with me?"</p> + +<p>"Take that female of yours," suggested Droozle. "If she refuses to go, +inform her that we shall be forced to hand her over to the dog catcher."</p> + +<p>"Do you suppose he means that?" wondered Jean.</p> + +<p>"Of course not, silly," said Judy, bright-eyed. "He's only negotiating."</p> + +<p><br /></p> +<dl> +<dd>—FRANK BANTA<br /><br /></dd></dl> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 150px;"> +<img src="images/gd62001.png" width="150" height="198" alt="Magazine cover" title="Cover of Galaxy" /> +</div> + +<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Galaxy December 1962. +Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright +on this publication was renewed.]</p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Droozle, by Frank Banta + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DROOZLE *** + +***** This file should be named 23148-h.htm or 23148-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/1/4/23148/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Rebecca Hoath and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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