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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/23146-h.zip b/23146-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..551f72c --- /dev/null +++ b/23146-h.zip diff --git a/23146-h/23146-h.htm b/23146-h/23146-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4de8dc1 --- /dev/null +++ b/23146-h/23146-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,813 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of And all the Earth a Grave, by C.C. MacApp. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + p { margin-top: .5em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .5em; + text-indent: 1em; + } + h1 { + text-align: center; font-family: garamond, serif; font-size: 300%; /* all headings centered */ + } + h5,h6 { + text-align: center; font-family: garamond, serif; /* all headings centered */ + } + h2 { + text-align: center; font-family: garamond, serif; font-size: 200%; /* centered and coloured */ + } + h3 { + text-align: center; font-family: garamond, serif; /* centered and coloured */ + } + h4 { + text-align: center; font-family: garamond, serif; font-size: 110%; /* all headings centered */ + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; + } + body{margin-left: 15%; + margin-right: 15%; + } + a {text-decoration: none} /* no lines under links */ + + .noin {text-indent: 0em;} /* no indenting */ + .block {margin-left: 30%; margin-right: 30%; font-weight: bold;} /* block indent */ + .right {text-align: right; padding-right: 2em;} /* right aligning paragraphs */ + .img {text-align: center; padding: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} /* centering images */ + .tr {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; margin-top: 5%; margin-bottom: 5%; padding: 1em; background-color: #f6f2f2; color: black; border: dotted black 1px;} /* transcriber's notes */ + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; right: 2%; + font-size: 75%; + color: silver; + background-color: inherit; + text-align: right; + text-indent: 0em; + font-style: normal; + font-weight: normal; + font-variant: normal;} /* page numbers */ + + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of And All the Earth a Grave, by +Carroll M. Capps (AKA C.C. MacApp) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: And All the Earth a Grave + +Author: Carroll M. Capps (AKA C.C. MacApp) + +Release Date: October 22, 2007 [EBook #23146] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AND ALL THE EARTH A GRAVE *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Jeannie Howse and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<br /> +<hr /> +<br /> + +<div class="tr"> +<p class="cen" style="font-weight: bold;">Transcriber's Note:</p> +<br /> +<p class="noin">Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. For a complete list, please see the <a href="#TN">end of this document</a>.</p> +<p class="noin">This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction, December 1963. +Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright +on this publication was renewed.</p> +</div> + +<br /> +<hr /> +<br /> +<br /> +<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span><br /> + +<h1>AND ALL THE EARTH A GRAVE</h1> + +<h2>BY C.C. MacAPP</h2> + +<h4>ILLUSTRATED BY GAUGHAN</h4> + +<div class="block"> +<p class="noin">There's nothing wrong with +dying—it just hasn't ever +had the proper sales pitch!</p> +</div> + +<br /> + +<p>It all began when the new bookkeeping machine of a large Midwestern +coffin manufacturer slipped a cog, or blew a transistor, or something. +It was fantastic that the error—one of two decimal places—should +enjoy a straight run of okays, human and mechanical, clear down the +line; but when the figures clacked out at the last clacking-out +station, there it was. The figures were now sacred; immutable; and it +is doubtful whether the President of the concern or the Chairman of +the Board would have dared question them—even if either of those two +gentlemen had been in town.</p> + +<p>As for the Advertising Manager, the last thing he wanted to do was +question them. He carried them (they were the budget for the coming +fiscal year) into his office, staggering a little on the way, and +dropped dazedly into his chair. They showed the budget for his own +department as exactly one hundred times what he'd been expecting. That +is to say, fifty times what he'd put in for.</p> + +<p>When the initial shock began to wear off, his face assumed an +expression of intense thought. In about five minutes he leaped from +his chair, dashed out of the office with a shouted syllable or two for +his secretary, and got his car out of the parking lot. At home, he +tossed clothes into a travelling bag and barged toward the door, +giving his wife a quick kiss and an equally quick explanation. He +didn't bother to call the airport. He meant to be on the next plane +east, and no nonsense about it....</p> + +<br /> +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> +<br /> + +<p>With one thing and another, the economy hadn't been exactly in +overdrive that year, and predictions for the Christmas season were +gloomy. Early <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span>retail figures bore them out. Gift buying dribbled +along feebly until Thanksgiving, despite brave speeches by the +Administration. The holiday passed more in self-pity than in +thankfulness among owners of gift-oriented businesses.</p> + +<p>Then, on Friday following Thanksgiving, the coffin ads struck.</p> + +<p>Struck may be too mild a word. People on the streets saw +feverishly-working crews (at holiday rates!) slapping up posters on +billboards. The first poster was a dilly. A toothy and toothsome young +woman leaned over a coffin she'd been unwrapping. She smiled as if +she'd just received overtures of matrimony from an eighty-year-old +billionaire. There was a Christmas tree in the background, and the +coffin was appropriately wrapped. So was she. She looked as if she had +just gotten out of bed, or were ready to get into it. For amorous +young men, and some not so young, the message was plain. The motto, +"<i>The Gift That Will Last More Than a Lifetime</i>", seemed hardly to the +point.</p> + +<p>Those at home were assailed on TV with a variety of bright and clever +skits of the same import. Some of them hinted that, if the young +lady's gratitude were really precipitous, and the bedroom too far +away, the coffin might be comfy.</p> + +<p>Of course the more settled elements of the population were not +neglected. For the older married man, there was a blow directly +between the eyes: "<i>Do You Want Your Widow to Be Half-Safe?</i>" And, for +the spinster without immediate hopes, "<i>I Dreamt I Was Caught Dead +Without My Virginform Casket!</i>"</p> + +<p>Newspapers, magazines and every other medium added to the assault, +never letting it cool. It was the most horrendous campaign, for sheer +concentration, that had ever battered at the public mind. The public +reeled, blinked, shook its head to clear it, gawked, and rushed out to +buy.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span>Christmas was not going to be a failure after all. Department store +managers who had, grudgingly and under strong sales pressure, made +space for a single coffin somewhere at the rear of the store, now +rushed to the telephones like touts with a direct pronouncement from a +horse. Everyone who possibly could got into the act. Grocery +supermarkets put in casket departments. The Association of +Pharmaceutical Retailers, who felt they had some claim to priority, +tried to get court injunctions to keep caskets out of service +stations, but were unsuccessful because the judges were all out buying +caskets. Beauty parlors showed real ingenuity in merchandising. Roads +and streets clogged with delivery trucks, rented trailers, and +whatever else could haul a coffin. The Stock Market went completely +mad. Strikes were declared and settled within hours. Congress was +called into session early. The President got authority to ration +lumber and other materials suddenly in starvation-short supply. State +laws were passed against cremation, under heavy lobby pressure. A new +racket, called boxjacking, blossomed overnight.</p> + +<p>The Advertising Manager who had put the thing over had been fighting +with all the formidable weapons of his breed to make his plant +managers build up a stockpile. They had, but it went like a toupee in +a wind tunnel. Competitive coffin manufacturers were caught napping, +but by Wednesday after Thanksgiving they, along with the original one, +were on a twenty-four hour, seven-day basis. Still only a fraction of +the demand could be met. Jet passenger planes were stripped of their +seats, supplied with Yankee gold, and sent to plunder the world of its +coffins.</p> + +<p>It might be supposed that Christmas goods other than caskets would +take a bad dumping. That was not so. Such was the upsurge of +prosperity, and such was the shortage of coffins, that nearly +everything—with a few exceptions—enjoyed the biggest season on +record.</p> + +<p>On Christmas Eve the frenzy slumped to a crawl, though on Christmas +morning there were still optimists out prowling the empty stores. The +nation sat down to breathe. Mostly it sat on coffins, because there +wasn't space in the living rooms for any other furniture.</p> + +<p>There was hardly an individual in the United States who didn't have, +in case of sudden sharp pains in the chest, several boxes to choose +from. As for the rest of the world, it had better not die just now or +it would be literally a case of dust to dust.</p> + +<div class="img"><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span> +<img border="0" src="images/illo.jpg" width="65%" alt="Coffin Advertisement" /> +</div> + + +<br /> +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> +<br /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span>Of course everyone expected a doozy of a slump after Christmas. But +our Advertising Manager, who by now was of course Sales Manager and +First Vice President also, wasn't settling for any boom-and-bust. He'd +been a frustrated victim of his choice of industries for so many years +that now, with his teeth in something, he was going to give it the old +bite. He gave people a short breathing spell to arrange their coffin +payments and move the presents out of the front rooms. Then, late in +January, his new campaign came down like a hundred-megatonner.</p> + +<p>Within a week, everyone saw quite clearly that his Christmas models +were now obsolete. The coffin became the new status symbol.</p> + +<p>The auto industry was of course demolished. Even people who had enough +money to buy a new car weren't going to trade in the old one and let +the new one stand out in the rain. The garages were full of coffins. +Petroleum went along with Autos. (Though there were those who +whispered knowingly that the same people merely moved over into the +new industry. It was noticeable that the center of it became Detroit.) +A few trucks and buses were still being built, but that was all.</p> + +<p>Some of the new caskets were true works of art. Others—well, there +was variety. Compact models appeared, in which the occupant's feet +were to be doubled up alongside his ears. One manufacturer pushed a +circular model, claiming that by all the laws of nature the foetal +position was the only right one. At the other extreme were virtual +houses, ornate and lavishly equipped. Possibly the largest of all was +the "<i>Togetherness</i>" model, triangular, with graduated recesses for +Father, Mother, eight children (plus two playmates), and, in the far +corner beyond the baby, the cat.</p> + +<p>The slump was over. Still, economists swore that the new boom couldn't +last either. They reckoned without the Advertising Manager, whose eyes +gleamed brighter all the time. People already had coffins, which they +polished and kept on display, sometimes in the new "Coffin-ports" +being added to houses. The Advertising Manager's reasoning was direct +and to the point. He must get people to use the coffins; and now he +had all the money to work with that he could use.</p> + +<p>The new note was woven in so gradually that it is not easy to put a +finger on any one ad and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span>say, "It began here." One of the first was +surely the widely-printed one showing a tattooed, smiling young man +with his chin thrust out manfully, lying in a coffin. He was +rugged-looking and likable (not too rugged for the spindly-limbed to +identify with) and he oozed, even though obviously dead, virility at +every pore. He was probably the finest-looking corpse since Richard +the Lion-Hearted.</p> + +<p>Neither must one overlook the singing commercials. Possibly the +catchiest of these, a really cute little thing, was achieved by +jazzing up the Funeral March.</p> + +<p>It started gradually, and it was all so un-violent that few saw it as +suicide. Teen-agers began having "Popping-off parties". Some of their +elders protested a little, but adults were taking it up too. The +tired, the unappreciated, the ill and the heavy-laden lay down in +growing numbers and expired. A black market in poisons operated for a +little while, but soon pinched out. Such was the pressure of +persuasion that few needed artificial aids. The boxes <i>were</i> very +comfortable. People just closed their eyes and exited smiling.</p> + +<p>The Beatniks, who had their own models of coffin—mouldy, scroungy, +and without lids, since the Beatniks insisted on being seen—placed +their boxes on the Grant Avenue in San Francisco. They died with +highly intellectual expressions, and eventually were washed by the +gentle rain.</p> + +<p>Of course there were voices shouting calamity. When aren't there? But +in the long run, and not a very long one at that, they availed naught.</p> + +<br /> +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> +<br /> + +<p>It isn't hard to imagine the reactions of the rest of the world. So +let us imagine a few.</p> + +<p>The Communist Block immediately gave its Stamp of Disapproval, +denouncing the movement as a filthy Capitalist Imperialist Pig plot. +Red China, which had been squabbling with Russia for some time about a +matter of method, screamed for immediate war. Russia exposed this as +patent stupidity, saying that if the Capitalists wanted to die, +warring upon them would only help them. China surreptitiously tried +out the thing as an answer to excess population, and found it good. It +also appealed to the well-known melancholy facet of Russian nature. +Besides, after pondering for several days, the Red Bloc decided it +could not afford to fall behind in anything, so it started its own +program, explaining with much logic how it differed.</p> + +<p>An elderly British philosopher endorsed the movement, on the grounds +that a temporary <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span>setback in Evolution was preferable to facing up to +anything.</p> + +<p>The Free Bloc, the Red Bloc, the Neutral Bloc and such scraps as had +been too obtuse to find themselves a Bloc were drawn into the +whirlpool in an amazingly short time, if in a variety of ways. In less +than two years the world was rid of most of what had been bedeviling +it.</p> + +<p>Oddly enough, the country where the movement began was the last to +succumb completely. Or perhaps it is not so odd. Coffin-maker to the +world, the American casket industry had by now almost completely +automated box-making and gravedigging, with some interesting assembly +lines and packaging arrangements; there still remained the jobs of +management and distribution. The President of General Mortuary, an +ebullient fellow affectionately called Sarcophagus Sam, put it well. +"As long as I have a single prospective customer, and a single +Stockholder," he said, mangling a stogie and beetling his brows at the +one reporter who'd showed up for the press conference, "I'll try to +put him in a coffin so I can pay him a dividend."</p> + +<br /> +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> +<br /> + +<p>Finally, though, a man who thought he must be the last living human, +wandered contentedly about the city of Denver looking for the coffin +he liked best. He settled at last upon a rich mahogany number with +platinum trimmings, an Automatic Self-Adjusting Cadaver-contour +Innerspring Wearever-Plastic-Covered Mattress with a built in bar. He +climbed in, drew himself a generous slug of fine Scotch, giggled as +the mattress prodded him exploringly, closed his eyes and sighed in +solid comfort. Soft music played as the lid closed itself.</p> + +<p>From a building nearby a turkey-buzzard swooped down, cawing in +raucous anger because it had let its attention wander for a moment. It +was too late. It clawed screaming at the solid cover, hissed in +frustration and finally gave up. It flapped into the air again, still +grumbling. It was tired of living on dead small rodents and coyotes. +It thought it would take a swing over to Los Angeles, where the +pickings were pretty good.</p> + +<p>As it moved westward over parched hills, it espied two black dots a +few miles to its left. It circled over for a closer look, then grunted +and went on its way. It had seen <i>them</i> before. The old prospector and +his burro had been in the mountains for so long the buzzard had +concluded they didn't know <i>how</i> to die.</p> + +<p>The prospector, whose name <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span>was Adams, trudged behind his burro toward +the buildings that shimmered in the heat, humming to himself now and +then or addressing some remark to the beast. When he reached the +outskirts of Denver he realized something was amiss. He stood and +gazed at the quiet scene. Nothing moved except some skinny packrats +and a few sparrows foraging for grain among the unburied coffins.</p> + +<p>"Tarnation!" he said to the burro. "Martians?"</p> + +<p>A half-buried piece of newspaper fluttered in the breeze. He walked +forward slowly and picked it up. It told him enough so that he +understood.</p> + +<p>"They're gone, Evie," he said to the burro, "all gone." He put his arm +affectionately around her neck. "I reckon it's up to me and you agin. +We got to start all over." He stood back and gazed at her with mild +reproach. "I shore hope they don't favor your side of the house so +much this time."—C.C. MacAPP</p> + +<br /> +<hr /> +<br /> + +<div class="tr"> +<p class="cen"><a name="TN" id="TN"></a>Typographical errors corrected in text:</p> +<br /> +Page 127: "She looked as if had just" replaced with "She looked as if she had just"<br /> +Page 131: immedately replaced with immediately<br /> +Page 131: affort replaced with afford<br /> +Page 132: "It flapped into the air begin, still grumbling." replaced with "It flapped into the air again, still grumbling."<br /> +Page 132: "the pickings yere pretty good." replaced with "the pickings were pretty good."<br /> +</div> + +<br /> +<hr /> +<br /> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of And All the Earth a Grave, by +Carroll M. Capps (AKA C.C. MacApp) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AND ALL THE EARTH A GRAVE *** + +***** This file should be named 23146-h.htm or 23146-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/1/4/23146/ + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Jeannie Howse and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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Capps (AKA C.C. MacApp) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: And All the Earth a Grave + +Author: Carroll M. Capps (AKA C.C. MacApp) + +Release Date: October 22, 2007 [EBook #23146] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AND ALL THE EARTH A GRAVE *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Jeannie Howse and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + * * * * * + + +-----------------------------------------------------------+ + | Transcriber's Note: | + | | + | Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. For | + | a complete list, please see the end of this document. | + | | + | This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction, | + | December 1963. Extensive research did not uncover any | + | evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication | + | was renewed. | + | | + +-----------------------------------------------------------+ + + * * * * * + + + + +AND ALL THE EARTH A GRAVE + +BY C.C. MacAPP + +ILLUSTRATED BY GAUGHAN + + There's nothing wrong with + dying--it just hasn't ever + had the proper sales pitch! + + +It all began when the new bookkeeping machine of a large Midwestern +coffin manufacturer slipped a cog, or blew a transistor, or something. +It was fantastic that the error--one of two decimal places--should +enjoy a straight run of okays, human and mechanical, clear down the +line; but when the figures clacked out at the last clacking-out +station, there it was. The figures were now sacred; immutable; and it +is doubtful whether the President of the concern or the Chairman of +the Board would have dared question them--even if either of those two +gentlemen had been in town. + +As for the Advertising Manager, the last thing he wanted to do was +question them. He carried them (they were the budget for the coming +fiscal year) into his office, staggering a little on the way, and +dropped dazedly into his chair. They showed the budget for his own +department as exactly one hundred times what he'd been expecting. That +is to say, fifty times what he'd put in for. + +When the initial shock began to wear off, his face assumed an +expression of intense thought. In about five minutes he leaped from +his chair, dashed out of the office with a shouted syllable or two for +his secretary, and got his car out of the parking lot. At home, he +tossed clothes into a travelling bag and barged toward the door, +giving his wife a quick kiss and an equally quick explanation. He +didn't bother to call the airport. He meant to be on the next plane +east, and no nonsense about it.... + + * * * * * + +With one thing and another, the economy hadn't been exactly in +overdrive that year, and predictions for the Christmas season were +gloomy. Early retail figures bore them out. Gift buying dribbled +along feebly until Thanksgiving, despite brave speeches by the +Administration. The holiday passed more in self-pity than in +thankfulness among owners of gift-oriented businesses. + +Then, on Friday following Thanksgiving, the coffin ads struck. + +Struck may be too mild a word. People on the streets saw +feverishly-working crews (at holiday rates!) slapping up posters on +billboards. The first poster was a dilly. A toothy and toothsome young +woman leaned over a coffin she'd been unwrapping. She smiled as if +she'd just received overtures of matrimony from an eighty-year-old +billionaire. There was a Christmas tree in the background, and the +coffin was appropriately wrapped. So was she. She looked as if she had +just gotten out of bed, or were ready to get into it. For amorous +young men, and some not so young, the message was plain. The motto, +"_The Gift That Will Last More Than a Lifetime_", seemed hardly to the +point. + +Those at home were assailed on TV with a variety of bright and clever +skits of the same import. Some of them hinted that, if the young +lady's gratitude were really precipitous, and the bedroom too far +away, the coffin might be comfy. + +Of course the more settled elements of the population were not +neglected. For the older married man, there was a blow directly +between the eyes: "_Do You Want Your Widow to Be Half-Safe?_" And, for +the spinster without immediate hopes, "_I Dreamt I Was Caught Dead +Without My Virginform Casket!_" + +Newspapers, magazines and every other medium added to the assault, +never letting it cool. It was the most horrendous campaign, for sheer +concentration, that had ever battered at the public mind. The public +reeled, blinked, shook its head to clear it, gawked, and rushed out to +buy. + +Christmas was not going to be a failure after all. Department store +managers who had, grudgingly and under strong sales pressure, made +space for a single coffin somewhere at the rear of the store, now +rushed to the telephones like touts with a direct pronouncement from a +horse. Everyone who possibly could got into the act. Grocery +supermarkets put in casket departments. The Association of +Pharmaceutical Retailers, who felt they had some claim to priority, +tried to get court injunctions to keep caskets out of service +stations, but were unsuccessful because the judges were all out buying +caskets. Beauty parlors showed real ingenuity in merchandising. Roads +and streets clogged with delivery trucks, rented trailers, and +whatever else could haul a coffin. The Stock Market went completely +mad. Strikes were declared and settled within hours. Congress was +called into session early. The President got authority to ration +lumber and other materials suddenly in starvation-short supply. State +laws were passed against cremation, under heavy lobby pressure. A new +racket, called boxjacking, blossomed overnight. + +The Advertising Manager who had put the thing over had been fighting +with all the formidable weapons of his breed to make his plant +managers build up a stockpile. They had, but it went like a toupee in +a wind tunnel. Competitive coffin manufacturers were caught napping, +but by Wednesday after Thanksgiving they, along with the original one, +were on a twenty-four hour, seven-day basis. Still only a fraction of +the demand could be met. Jet passenger planes were stripped of their +seats, supplied with Yankee gold, and sent to plunder the world of its +coffins. + +It might be supposed that Christmas goods other than caskets would +take a bad dumping. That was not so. Such was the upsurge of +prosperity, and such was the shortage of coffins, that nearly +everything--with a few exceptions--enjoyed the biggest season on +record. + +On Christmas Eve the frenzy slumped to a crawl, though on Christmas +morning there were still optimists out prowling the empty stores. The +nation sat down to breathe. Mostly it sat on coffins, because there +wasn't space in the living rooms for any other furniture. + +There was hardly an individual in the United States who didn't have, +in case of sudden sharp pains in the chest, several boxes to choose +from. As for the rest of the world, it had better not die just now or +it would be literally a case of dust to dust. + +[Illustration] + + * * * * * + +Of course everyone expected a doozy of a slump after Christmas. But +our Advertising Manager, who by now was of course Sales Manager and +First Vice President also, wasn't settling for any boom-and-bust. He'd +been a frustrated victim of his choice of industries for so many years +that now, with his teeth in something, he was going to give it the old +bite. He gave people a short breathing spell to arrange their coffin +payments and move the presents out of the front rooms. Then, late in +January, his new campaign came down like a hundred-megatonner. + +Within a week, everyone saw quite clearly that his Christmas models +were now obsolete. The coffin became the new status symbol. + +The auto industry was of course demolished. Even people who had enough +money to buy a new car weren't going to trade in the old one and let +the new one stand out in the rain. The garages were full of coffins. +Petroleum went along with Autos. (Though there were those who +whispered knowingly that the same people merely moved over into the +new industry. It was noticeable that the center of it became Detroit.) +A few trucks and buses were still being built, but that was all. + +Some of the new caskets were true works of art. Others--well, there +was variety. Compact models appeared, in which the occupant's feet +were to be doubled up alongside his ears. One manufacturer pushed a +circular model, claiming that by all the laws of nature the foetal +position was the only right one. At the other extreme were virtual +houses, ornate and lavishly equipped. Possibly the largest of all was +the "_Togetherness_" model, triangular, with graduated recesses for +Father, Mother, eight children (plus two playmates), and, in the far +corner beyond the baby, the cat. + +The slump was over. Still, economists swore that the new boom couldn't +last either. They reckoned without the Advertising Manager, whose eyes +gleamed brighter all the time. People already had coffins, which they +polished and kept on display, sometimes in the new "Coffin-ports" +being added to houses. The Advertising Manager's reasoning was direct +and to the point. He must get people to use the coffins; and now he +had all the money to work with that he could use. + +The new note was woven in so gradually that it is not easy to put a +finger on any one ad and say, "It began here." One of the first was +surely the widely-printed one showing a tattooed, smiling young man +with his chin thrust out manfully, lying in a coffin. He was +rugged-looking and likable (not too rugged for the spindly-limbed to +identify with) and he oozed, even though obviously dead, virility at +every pore. He was probably the finest-looking corpse since Richard +the Lion-Hearted. + +Neither must one overlook the singing commercials. Possibly the +catchiest of these, a really cute little thing, was achieved by +jazzing up the Funeral March. + +It started gradually, and it was all so un-violent that few saw it as +suicide. Teen-agers began having "Popping-off parties". Some of their +elders protested a little, but adults were taking it up too. The +tired, the unappreciated, the ill and the heavy-laden lay down in +growing numbers and expired. A black market in poisons operated for a +little while, but soon pinched out. Such was the pressure of +persuasion that few needed artificial aids. The boxes _were_ very +comfortable. People just closed their eyes and exited smiling. + +The Beatniks, who had their own models of coffin--mouldy, scroungy, +and without lids, since the Beatniks insisted on being seen--placed +their boxes on the Grant Avenue in San Francisco. They died with +highly intellectual expressions, and eventually were washed by the +gentle rain. + +Of course there were voices shouting calamity. When aren't there? But +in the long run, and not a very long one at that, they availed naught. + + * * * * * + +It isn't hard to imagine the reactions of the rest of the world. So +let us imagine a few. + +The Communist Block immediately gave its Stamp of Disapproval, +denouncing the movement as a filthy Capitalist Imperialist Pig plot. +Red China, which had been squabbling with Russia for some time about a +matter of method, screamed for immediate war. Russia exposed this as +patent stupidity, saying that if the Capitalists wanted to die, +warring upon them would only help them. China surreptitiously tried +out the thing as an answer to excess population, and found it good. It +also appealed to the well-known melancholy facet of Russian nature. +Besides, after pondering for several days, the Red Bloc decided it +could not afford to fall behind in anything, so it started its own +program, explaining with much logic how it differed. + +An elderly British philosopher endorsed the movement, on the grounds +that a temporary setback in Evolution was preferable to facing up to +anything. + +The Free Bloc, the Red Bloc, the Neutral Bloc and such scraps as had +been too obtuse to find themselves a Bloc were drawn into the +whirlpool in an amazingly short time, if in a variety of ways. In less +than two years the world was rid of most of what had been bedeviling +it. + +Oddly enough, the country where the movement began was the last to +succumb completely. Or perhaps it is not so odd. Coffin-maker to the +world, the American casket industry had by now almost completely +automated box-making and gravedigging, with some interesting assembly +lines and packaging arrangements; there still remained the jobs of +management and distribution. The President of General Mortuary, an +ebullient fellow affectionately called Sarcophagus Sam, put it well. +"As long as I have a single prospective customer, and a single +Stockholder," he said, mangling a stogie and beetling his brows at the +one reporter who'd showed up for the press conference, "I'll try to +put him in a coffin so I can pay him a dividend." + + * * * * * + +Finally, though, a man who thought he must be the last living human, +wandered contentedly about the city of Denver looking for the coffin +he liked best. He settled at last upon a rich mahogany number with +platinum trimmings, an Automatic Self-Adjusting Cadaver-contour +Innerspring Wearever-Plastic-Covered Mattress with a built in bar. He +climbed in, drew himself a generous slug of fine Scotch, giggled as +the mattress prodded him exploringly, closed his eyes and sighed in +solid comfort. Soft music played as the lid closed itself. + +From a building nearby a turkey-buzzard swooped down, cawing in +raucous anger because it had let its attention wander for a moment. It +was too late. It clawed screaming at the solid cover, hissed in +frustration and finally gave up. It flapped into the air again, still +grumbling. It was tired of living on dead small rodents and coyotes. +It thought it would take a swing over to Los Angeles, where the +pickings were pretty good. + +As it moved westward over parched hills, it espied two black dots a +few miles to its left. It circled over for a closer look, then grunted +and went on its way. It had seen _them_ before. The old prospector and +his burro had been in the mountains for so long the buzzard had +concluded they didn't know _how_ to die. + +The prospector, whose name was Adams, trudged behind his burro toward +the buildings that shimmered in the heat, humming to himself now and +then or addressing some remark to the beast. When he reached the +outskirts of Denver he realized something was amiss. He stood and +gazed at the quiet scene. Nothing moved except some skinny packrats +and a few sparrows foraging for grain among the unburied coffins. + +"Tarnation!" he said to the burro. "Martians?" + +A half-buried piece of newspaper fluttered in the breeze. He walked +forward slowly and picked it up. It told him enough so that he +understood. + +"They're gone, Evie," he said to the burro, "all gone." He put his arm +affectionately around her neck. "I reckon it's up to me and you agin. +We got to start all over." He stood back and gazed at her with mild +reproach. "I shore hope they don't favor your side of the house so +much this time."--C.C. MacAPP + + + * * * * * + + +-------------------------------------------------------------+ + | Typographical errors corrected in text: | + | | + | Page 127: "She looked as if had just" replaced with | + | "She looked as if she had just" | + | Page 131: immedately replaced with immediately | + | Page 131: affort replaced with afford | + | Page 132: "It flapped into the air begin, still grumbling." | + | replaced with "It flapped into the air again, | + | still grumbling." | + | Page 132: "the pickings yere pretty good." replaced with | + | "the pickings were pretty good." | + | | + +-------------------------------------------------------------+ + + * * * * * + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of And All the Earth a Grave, by +Carroll M. Capps (AKA C.C. 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