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diff --git a/23127.txt b/23127.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b1c88ed --- /dev/null +++ b/23127.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12078 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Julian Home, by Dean Frederic W. Farrar + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Julian Home + +Author: Dean Frederic W. Farrar + +Release Date: October 20, 2007 [EBook #23127] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JULIAN HOME *** + + + + +Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England + + + + +Julian Home, by Dean Frederick Farrar. + +________________________________________________________________________ +In this book Farrar, who for the first part of his career was a British +Public School master and headmaster, writes of the lives of a group of +clever young men during their three years studies at Camford University, +(transparently Cambridge). Some of them work hard and do well, gaining +College scholarships and fellowships, while others do little work and +become enmeshed in gambling, drinking, and other still worse vices. + +Some miserable tricks are played by the bad and idle men in attempts to +bring down the good and hard working ones, most of which nearly end in +disaster, but by various tricks of fortune a balance is in the end +restored, and the book comes to a satisfactory conclusion. + +You will enjoy this book if you do not let yourself be put off by +Farrar's habit of inserting Greek, Latin, French and German tags just to +show how very sap he is. + +________________________________________________________________________ +JULIAN HOME, BY DEAN FREDERICK FARRAR. + + + +CHAPTER ONE. + +SPEECH-DAY AT HARTON. + + "A little bench of heedless bishops there, + And here a chancellor in embryo." + _Shenstone_. + +It was Speech-day at Harton. From an early hour handsome equipages had +been dashing down the street, and depositing their occupants at the +masters' houses. The perpetual rolling of wheels distracted the +attention every moment, and curiosity was keenly on the alert to catch a +glimpse of the various magnates whose arrival was expected. At the +Queen's Head stood a large array of carriages, and the streets were +thronged with gay groups of pedestrians, and full of bustle and +liveliness. + +The visitors--chiefly parents and relatives of the Harton boys--occupied +the morning in seeing the school and village, and it was a pretty sight +to observe mothers and sisters as they wandered with delighted interest +through the scenes so proudly pointed out to them by their young escort. +Some of them were strolling over the cricket-field, or through the +pleasant path down to the bathing-place. Many lingered in the beautiful +chapel, on whose painted windows the sunlight streamed, making them +flame like jewellery, and flinging their fair shadows of blue, and +scarlet, and crimson, on the delicate carving of the pillars on either +side. But, on the whole, the boys were most proud of showing their +friends the old school-room, on whose rude panels many a name may be +deciphered, carved there by the boyish hand of poets, orators, and +statesmen, who in the zenith of their fame still looked back with fond +remembrance on the home of their earlier days, and some of whom were +then testifying by their presence the undying interest which they took +in their old school. + +The pleasant morning wore away, and the time for the Speeches drew on. +The room was thronged with a distinguished company, and presented a +brilliant and animated appearance. In the centre was a table loaded +with prize-books, and all round it sat the secular and episcopal +dignitaries for whom seats had been reserved, while the chair was +occupied by a young Prince of the royal house. On the other side was a +slightly elevated platform, on which were seated the monitors who were +to take part in the day's proceedings, and behind it, under the gallery +set apart for old Hartonians, crowded a number of gentlemen and boys who +could find no room elsewhere. + +"Now, papa," said a young lady sitting opposite the monitors, "I've been +asking Walter here which is the cleverest of those boys." + +"Ahem! _young men_ you mean," interrupted her elder sister. + +"No, no," said Walter positively, "call them boys; to call them young +men is all bosh; we shall have `young gentlemen' next, which is awful +twaddle." + +"Well, which of those boys on the platform is the cleverest--the +greatest swell _he_ calls it? Now you profess to be a physiognomist, +papa, so just see if you can guess." + +"I'm to look out for some future Byron or Peel among them; eh, Walter?" + +"Yes." + +The old gentleman put on his spectacles, and deliberately looked round +the row of monitors, who were awaiting the Headmaster's signal to begin +the speeches. + +"Well, haven't you done yet, papa? What an age you are. Walter says +you ought to tell at a glance." + +"Patience, my dear, patience. I'll tell you in a minute." + +"There," he said, after a moment's pause, "that boy seated last but one +on the bench nearest us has more genius than any of them, I should say." +He pointed to one of the youngest-looking of the monitors, who would +also have been the most striking in personal appearance had not the +almost hectic rose-colour of his cheeks, and the quiet shining of his +blue eyes, under the soft hair that hung over his forehead, given a look +of greater delicacy than was desirable in a boyish face. + +"Wrong, wrong, wrong," chuckled Walter and his sister. "Try again." + +"I'm very rarely wrong, you little rogue, in spite of you; but I'll look +again. No, there can be no doubt about it. Several of those faces show +talent, but one only has a look of genius, and that is the face of the +boy I pointed out before. What is his name?" + +"Oh, that's Home. He's clever enough in his way, but the fellow you +ought to have picked out is the monitor I fag for--Bruce, the head of +the school." + +"Well, show me your hero." + +"There he sits, right in the middle of them, opposite us. There, that's +he just going to speak now." + +He pointed to a tall, handsome fellow, with a look of infinite +self-confidence, who at that moment made a low bow to the assembly, and +then began to recite with much force a splendid burst of oratory from +one of Burke's great speeches; which he did with the air of one who had +no doubt that Burke himself might have studied with benefit the scorn +which he flung into his invective and the Olympian grace with which he +waved his arm. A burst of applause followed the conclusion of his +recitation, during which Bruce took his seat with a look of unconcealed +delight and triumph. + +"There, papa--what do you think of that? Wasn't I right now?" said the +young Hartonian, whose name was Walter Thornley. + +But the old gentleman's only answer was a quiet smile, and he had not +joined in the general clapping. "Is Home to take any part in the +speeches?" he inquired. + +"Oh, yes! He's got some part or other in one of the Shakespeare scenes; +but he won't do it half as well as Bruce." + +"I observe he's got several of the prizes." + +"Yes, that's true. He's a fellow that grinds, you know, and so he can't +help getting some. But Bruce, now, never opens a book, and yet he's +swept off no end of a lot, as you'll see." + +"Humph! Walter, I don't much believe in your boys that `never open a +book,' and, as far as I can observe, the phrase must be taken with very +considerable latitude; I still believe that the boy who `grinds,' as you +call it, is the abler boy of the two." + +"Yes, Walter," said his brother, an old Hartonian, "whenever a fellow, +who has got a prize, tells you he won it without opening a book, set him +down as a shallow puppy, and don't believe him." + +By this time four of the monitors were standing up to recite a scene +from the Merchant of Venice, and Home among them; his part was a very +slight one, and although there was nothing remarkable in his way of +acting, yet he had evidently studied with intelligence his author's +meaning, and his modest self-possession attracted favourable regards. +But, a few minutes after, he had to recite alone a passage of Tennyson's +Morte d'Arthur, and then he appeared to greater advantage. Standing in +a perfectly natural attitude, he began in low clear tones, enunciating +every line with a distinctness that instantly won attention, and at last +warming with his theme he modulated his voice with the requirements of +the verse, and used gestures so graceful, yet so unaffected, that when +with musical emphasis he spoke the last lines,-- + + "Long stood Sir Bedivere + Resolving many memories, till the hull + Looked one black dot against the verge of dawn, + And on the mere the wailing died away,--" + +he seemed entirely absorbed in the subject, and for half a minute stood +as if unconscious, until the deep murmur of applause startled his +meditations, and he sat down as naturally as he had risen. + +"Well done, old Home," said Walter; while Mr Thornley nodded rapidly +two or three times, and murmured after him,-- + + "And on the mere the wailing died away." + +"Really, I think Julian did that admirably, did he not?" said a young +and lovely girl to her mother, as Home sat down. + +"By jingo," whispered Walter, "I believe these people just by us are +Home's people." + +"People!" said his sister; "what do you mean by his people?" + +"Oh, _you_ know, Mary; you girls are always shamming you don't +understand plain English. I mean his _people_." + +Mary smiled, and looked at the strangers. "Yes, no doubt of it," she +said, "that young lady has just the same features as Mr Home, only +softened a little; more refined they could not be. And they've been +hearing all your rude remarks, Walter, no doubt." + +The boy was right, for when the speeches were over, they saw Home offer +his arm to the two ladies and lead them out into the courtyard, where +everybody was waiting, under the large awning, to hear the lions of the +day cheered as they came down the school steps. Bruce was leading the +cheers; he seemed to know everybody and everybody to know him, and as +group after group passed him, he was bowing and smiling repeatedly while +he listened to the congratulations which were lavished upon him from all +sides. Among the last his own family came out, and when he gave his arm +to his mother and descended the school steps, one of the other monitors +suddenly cried-- + +"Three cheers for the Head of the school." + +The boys cordially echoed the cheers, and taking off his hat, Bruce +stood still with a flush of exultation on his handsome face, in an +attitude peculiar to him whenever he was undergoing an ovation. + +"Pose plastique; King Bruce snuffing up the incense of flattery!" +muttered a school Thersites, standing by. + +"Green-minded scoundrel," was the reply; "that's because he beat you to +fits in the Latin verse." + +"How very popular he seems to be, Julian," said Miss Home to her +brother, as they stood rather apart from the fashionable crowd. + +"Very popular, and, on the whole, he deserves his popularity; how +capitally he recited to-day," and Julian looked at him and sighed. + +"And now, mother, will you come to lunch?" he said; "you're invited to +my tutor's, you know." + +They went and took a hasty lunch, heartily enjoying the simple and +general good-humour which was the order of the day; and finding that +there was still an hour before the train started which was to convey +them home, Julian took them up to the old churchyard, and while they +enjoyed the only breath of air which made the tall elms murmur in the +burning day, he showed them the beautiful scene spread out at their +feet, and the distant towers of Elton and Saint George. Field after +field, filled with yellowing harvests or grazing herds, stretched away +to the horizon, and nothing on earth could be fairer than that soft +sleep of the golden sunshine on the green and flowery meadowland, while +overhead only a few silvery cloudlets variegated with their fleecy +lustre the expanse of blue, rippling down to the horizon like curves of +white foam at the edges of a summer sea. + +"No wonder a poet loved this view," said Mrs Home. "By the bye, +Julian, which is the tomb he used to lie upon?" + +"There, just behind us; that one with the fragments broken off by stupid +picturesque tourists, with the name of Peachey on it." + +"And so Byron really used, as a boy, to rest under these elms, and look +at this lovely view!" said his sister. + +"Yes, Violet. I wonder how much he'd have given, in after-life, to be a +boy again," said Julian thoughtfully; "and have a fresh start--a +rejuvenescence, beginning after a summer hour spent on Peachey's tomb;" +and Julian sighed again. + +"My dear Julian," said Violet, gaily rallying him, "what a boy you are! +What business have you to sigh here of all places, and now of all times? +That's the second time in the course of an hour that I've heard you. +Imagine a Harton monitor sighing twice on Speech-day! You must be tired +of us." + +"Did I sigh? Abominably rude of me. I really didn't mean it," said +Julian; and shaking off the influences which had slightly depressed him +for the moment, he began to laugh and joke with the utmost mirth until +it became time to meet the train. He accompanied his mother and sister +to the station, bade them an affectionate farewell, and then walked +slowly back, for the beauty of the summer evening made him loiter on the +way. + +"Poor Julian!" said Violet to her mother when the train started; "he +lets the sense of responsibility weigh on him too much, I'm afraid." + +But Julian was thinking that the next time he came to the station would +probably be at the end of term, when his schoolboy days would be over. +He leaned against a gate, and looked long at the green quiet hill, with +its tall spire and embosoming trees, till he fell into a reverie. + +A slap on the back awoke him, and turning round, he saw the genial, +good-humoured face of one of his fellow-monitors, Hugh Lillyston. + +"Well, Julian, dreaming as usual--castle-building, and all that sort of +thing, eh?" + +"No; I was thinking how soon one will have to bid good-bye to dear old +Harton. How well the chapel looks from here, doesn't it?--and the +church towering above it." + +"The chapel being like a fair daughter seated at her mother's feet, as +your poetical tutor remarked the other day. Well, Julian, I'm glad we +shall leave together, anyhow. Come and have some tea." + +Julian went to his friend's room. The fag brought the tea and toast, +and they spent a merry evening, chatting over the speeches, and the way +in which the day had gone off. At lock-up, Julian went to write some +letters, and then feeling the melancholy thought of future days stealing +over him, he plunged into a book of poems till it was bed-time, being +disturbed a good deal, however, by the noisy mirth which resounded long +after forbidden hours from Bruce's study overhead. Bruce was also to +leave Harton in a month, and they were going up together to Saint +Werner's College, Camford. But the difference was, that Bruce went up +wealthy and popular; Julian, whose retiring disposition and refined +tastes won him far fewer though truer friends, was going up as a sizar, +with no prospect of remaining at the University unless he won himself +the means of doing so by his own success. It was this thought that had +made him sigh. + + + +CHAPTER TWO. + +JULIAN HOME. + + "O thou goddess, + Thou divine Nature, how thyself thou blazon'st + In these two princely boys; they are as gentle + As zephyrs blowing beneath the violet, + Not wagging his sweet head; and yet as fierce, + Their royal blood enchafed, as the rud'st wind + That by the top doth take the mountain pine, + And makes him bow to the vale." + _Cymbeline, Act 4, scene 2_. + +It was but recently, (as will be explained hereafter), that the +circumstances had arisen which had rendered it necessary for Julian Home +to enter Saint Werner's as a sizar and since that necessity had arisen, +he had been far from happy. A peculiar sensitiveness had been from +childhood the distinctive feature of his character. It rendered him +doubly amenable to every emotion of pleasure and pain, and gave birth to +a self-conscious spirit, which made his nature appear weaker, when +a boy, than it really was. While he was at Harton, this +self-consciousness made him keenly, almost tremblingly, alive to the +opinions of others about himself. His self-depreciation arose from real +humility, and there was in his heart so deep a fountain of love towards +all his fellows, and so sympathising an admiration of all their good or +brilliant qualities, that he was far too apt to suffer himself to be +tormented by the indifference or dislike of those who were far his +inferiors. + +It was strange that such a boy should have had enemies, but he was sadly +aware that in that light some regarded him. Had it been possible to +conciliate them without any compromise in his line of action, he would +have done so at any cost; but as their enmity arose from that vehement +moral indignation which Julian both felt and expressed against the +iniquities which he despised and disapproved, he knew that all union +with them was out of his power. As a general rule, the best boys are by +no means the most popular. + +It was the great delight of Julian's detractors to compare him +unfavourably with their hero, Bruce. Bruce, as a fair scholar and a +good cricketer, with no very marked line of his own--as a fine-looking +fellow, anxious to keep on good terms with everybody, and with an +apparently hearty "well met" for all the world--cut against the grain of +no one's predilections, and had the voice of popular favour always on +his side. While ambition made him work tolerably hard, as far as he +could do so without attracting observation, the line he took was to +disparage industry, and ally himself with the merely cricketing set, +with some of whom he might be seen strolling arm-in-arm, in loud +conversation, at every possible opportunity. Julian, on the other hand, +though a fair cricketer, soon grew weary of the "shop" about that game, +which for three months formed the main staple of conversation among the +boys; and while his countenance was too expressive to conceal this fact, +he in his turn found himself unable to enlist more than a few in any +interest for those intellectual pursuits which were the chief joy of his +own life. + +"Home, I've been watching you for the last half-hour," said Bruce, one +day at dinner, "and you haven't opened your lips." + +"I've had nothing to say." + +"Why not?" + +"Because, since we came in, not one word has been said about any human +subject but cricket, cricket, cricket; it's been the same for the last +two months; and as I haven't been playing this morning--" + +"Well, no one wants you to talk," interrupted Brogten, one of the +eleven, Julian's especial foe. "I say, Bruce, did you see--" + +"I was only going to add," said Julian, with perfect good-humour, +heedless of the interruption, "that I couldn't discuss a game I didn't +see." + +"Nobody asked you, sir, she said," retorted Brogten rudely; "if it had +been some sentimental humbug, I dare say you'd have mooned about it long +enough." + +"Better, at any rate, than some of your low stories, Brogten," said +Lillyston, firing up on his friend's behalf. + +"I don't know. I like something manly." + +"Vice and manliness being identical, then, according to your notions?" +said Lillyston. + +Brogten muttered an angry reply, in which the only audible words were +"confound" and "milksops." + + "Well spoken, advocate of sin and shame; + Known by thy _bleating_, Ignorance thy name," + +thought Julian; but he did not condescend to make any further answer. + +"I hate that kind of fellow," said Brogten, loud enough for the friends +to hear, as they rose from the table; "fellows who think themselves +everybody's superiors, and walk with their noses in the air." + +"I wonder that you will still be talking, Brogten; nobody marks you," +said Lillyston, treating with the profoundest indifference a stupid +calumny. But poisoned arrows like these quivered long and rankled +painfully in Julian's heart. + +Yet no sensible boy would have given Julian's reputation in exchange for +that of Bruce; for in all except the mean and coarse minority, Julian +excited either affection or esteem, and he had the rare inestimable +treasure of some real and noble-hearted friends; while Bruce was too +vain, too shallow, and too fickle to inspire any higher feeling than a +mere transient admiration. + +Latterly it had become known to the boys that Julian was going up to +Saint Werner's as a sizar, and being ignorant of the reasons which +decided him, they had been much surprised. But the little clique of his +enemies made this an additional subject of annoyance, and there were not +wanting those who had the amazing bad taste to repeat to him some of +their speeches. There are some who seem to think that a man must rather +enjoy hearing all the low tittle-tattle of envious backbiters. + +"I knew he must be some tailor's son or other," remarked Brogten. + +"I say, Bruce, we shall have to cut him at Saint Werner's," observed an +exquisite young exclusive. + +Such things--the mere lispings of malicious folly--Julian could not help +hearing; and they galled him so much that he determined to have a talk +on the subject with his tutor, who was a Saint Werner's man. It was his +tutor's custom to devote the hour before lock-up on every half-holiday +to seeing any of his pupils who cared to come and visit him; but as on +the rich summer evenings few were to be tempted from the joyous sounds +of the cricket-field, Julian found him sitting alone in his study, +reading. + +"Ha, Julian!" he exclaimed, rising at once, with a frank and cordial +greeting. "Here's a triumph! A boy actually enticed from bats and +balls to pay me a visit!" + +Julian smiled. "The fact is, sir," he said, "I've come to ask you about +something. But am I disturbing you? If so, I'll go and `pursue vagrant +pieces of leather again,' as Mr Stokes says when he wants to dismiss us +to cricket." + +"Not in the least. I rather enjoy being disturbed during this hour. +But what do you say to a turn in the open air? One can talk so much +better walking than sitting down on opposite sides of a fireplace with +no fire in it." + +Julian readily assented, and Mr Carden took his arm as they bent their +way down to the cricket-field. There they stopped involuntarily for a +time, to gaze at the house match which was going on, and the master +entered with the utmost vivacity into the keen yet harmless "chaff" +which was being interchanged between the partisans of the rival houses. + +"What a charming place this field is," he said, "on a summer evening, +while the sunset lets fall upon it the last innocuous arrows of its +golden sheaf. When I am wearied to death with work or vexation--which, +alas! is too often--I always run down here, and it gives me a fresh +lease of life." + +Julian smiled at his tutor's metaphorical style of speech, which he knew +was in him the natural expressions of a glowing and poetic heart, that +saw no reason to be ashamed of its own warm feelings and changeful +fancies; and Mr Carden, wrapped in the scene before him, and the +sensations it excited, murmured to himself some of his favourite lines-- + + "Alas that one + Should use the days of summer but to live, + And breathe but as the needful element + The strange superfluous glory of the air + Nor rather stand in awe apart, beside + The untouched time, and murmuring o'er and o'er + In awe and wonder, `These are summer days!'" + +"Shall we stroll across the fields, sir, before lock-up?" said Julian, +as a triumphant shout proclaimed that the game was over, and the +Parkites had defeated the Grovians. + +"Yes, do. By the bye, what was it that you had to ask me about?" + +"Oh, sir, I don't think I've told you before; but I'm going up to Saint +Werner's as a sub-sizar." + +Mr Carden looked surprised. "Indeed! Is that necessary?" + +"Yes, sir; it's a choice between that and not going at all. And what I +wanted to ask you was, whether it will subject me to much annoyance or +contempt; because, if so--" + +"_Contempt_, my dear fellow!" said Mr Carden quickly. "Yes," he added, +after a pause, "the contempt of the contemptible--certainly of no one +else." + +"But do you think that any Harton fellows will cut me?" + +"Unquestionably not; at least, if any of them do, it will be such a +proof of their own absolute worthlessness, that you will be well rid of +such acquaintances." + +Julian seemed but little reassured by this summary way of viewing the +matter. + +"But I hope," he said, "that no one, (even if they don't cut me), will +regard my society as a matter of mere tolerance, or try an air of +condescension." + +"Look here, Julian," said the master; "a sub-sizar means merely a poor +scholar, for whom the college has set apart certain means of assistance. +From this body have come some of the most distinguished men whom Saint +Werner's has ever produced; and many of the Fellows, (indeed quite a +disproportionate number), began their college career in this manner. +Now tell me--should you care the snap of a finger for the opinion or the +acquaintance of a man who could be such an ineffable fool as to drop +intercourse with you because you are merely less rich than he? Don't +you remember those grand old words, Julian-- + + "Lives there for honest poverty, + Who hangs his head and a' that? + The coward slave we pass him by, + And dare be poor for a' that." + +"And yet, sir, half the distinctions of modern society rest upon +accidents of this kind." + +"True, true! quite true; but what is the use of education if it does not +teach us to look on man as man, and judge by a nobler and more real +standard than the superficial distinctions of society? But answer my +question." + +"Well, sir, I confess that I should think very lightly of the man who +treated me in that way; still I should be _annoyed_ very much by his +conduct." + +"I really think, Julian," replied Mr Carden, "that the necessity which +compels you to go up as a sizar will be good for you in _many_ ways. +Poverty, self-denial, the bearing of the yoke in youth, are the highest +forms of discipline for a brave and godly manhood. The hero and the +prophet are rarely found in soft clothing or kingly houses; they are +never chosen from the palaces of Mammon or the gardens of Belial." + +They talked a little longer on the subject, and Mr Carden pointed out +how, at the universities more than anywhere, the aristocracy of +intellect and character are almost solely recognised, and those patents +of nobility honoured which come direct from God. "After a single term, +Julian, depend upon it you will smile at the sensitiveness which now +makes you shrink from entering on this position. At least, I assume +that even by that time your name will be honourably known, as it will be +if you work hard. You must never forget that `Virtus vera nobilitas' is +the noble motto of your own college." + +"Well, I _will_ work at any rate," said Julian; "indeed I _must_." + +"But may I ask why you have determined on going up as sizar?" + +"Oh yes, sir. I am far too grateful for all your many kindnesses to me, +not to tell you freely of my circumstances." + +And so, as they walked on that beautiful summer evening over the green +fields, Julian, happy in the quiet sympathising attention of one who was +not only a master, but a true, earnest, and affectionate friend, told +him some of the facts to which we shall allude in the retrospect of the +next chapter. + + + +CHAPTER THREE. + +A RETROSPECT. + + "Give me the man that is not Passion's slave, + And I will wear him in my own heart's core, + Yea, in my heart of hearts." + _Shakespeare_. + +Julian's father was Rector of Ildown, a beautiful village on the +Devonshire coast. As younger son, his private means were very small, +and the more so as his family had lost in various unfortunate +speculations a large portion of the wealth which had once been the +inheritance of his ancient and honourable house. Mr Home regretted +this but little; contentment of mind and simplicity of tastes were to +him a far deeper source of happiness than the advantages of fortune. +Immediately after his university career he had taken holy orders, and +devoted to the genial duties of his profession all the energies of a +vigorous intellect and a generous heart. + +During his first curacy he was happy enough to be placed in the diocese +of a bishop, whose least merit was the rare conscientiousness with which +he distributed the patronage at his disposal. Whenever a living was +vacant, the Bishop of Elford used deliberately to pass in mental review +all the clergy under his jurisdiction, and single out from amongst them +the ablest and the best. He was never influenced by the spirit of +nepotism; he was never deceived by shallow declaimers, or ignorant +bigots, who had thrust themselves into the notoriety of a noisy and +orthodox reputation. The ordinary Honourable and Reverend, whose only +distinction was his title or his wealth, had to look for preferment +elsewhere; but often would some curate, haply sighing at the thought +that obscurity and poverty were his lot for this life, and meekly +bearing both for the honour of his Master's work, be made deservedly +happy by at last attaining the rewards he had never sought. Few, +indeed, were the dioceses in which the clergy worked in a more hopeful +spirit, in the certainty that the good bishop never suffered merit to +pass unrecognised; and for talent and industry, no body of rectors could +be compared to those whom Bishop Morris had chosen from the most +deserving of the curates who were under his pastoral care. + +Mr Home, after five years' hard work, had been promoted by the bishop +to a small living, where he soon succeeded in winning the warmest +affection of all his parishioners, and among others, of his squire and +church-warden, the Earl of Raynes, who, from a feeling of sincere +gratitude, procured for him, on the first opportunity, the rectory of +Ildown. + +Here, at the age of thirty, he settled down, with every intention of +making it his home for life; and here he shortly after wooed and won the +daughter of a neighbouring clergyman, whose only dower was the beauty of +a countenance which but dimly reflected the inner beauty of her heart. + +Very tranquil was their wedded life; very perfect was the peacefulness +of their home. Under her hands the rectory garden became a +many-coloured Eden, and the eye could rest delightedly on its lawns and +flower-beds, even amid that glorious environment of woods and cliffs, +free moors and open sea, which gave to the vicinity of Ildown such a +nameless charm. But the beauty without was surpassed by the rarer +sunshine of the life within and when children were born to them--when +little steps began to patter along the hall, and young faces to shine +beside the fire, and little strains of silvery laughter to ring through +every room--there was a happiness in that bright family, for the sake of +which an emperor might have been content to abdicate his throne. Oh +that the river of human life could flow on for ever with such sparkling +waters, and its margin be embroidered for ever with flowers like these. + +Julian was their eldest son, and it added to the intensity of each +parent's love for him to find that he seemed to have inherited the best +qualities of them both. Their next child was Violet, and then, after +two years' interval, came Cyril and Frank. The four children were +educated at home, without even the assistance of tutor or governess, +until Julian was thirteen years old; and during all that time scarcely +one domestic sorrow occurred to chequer the unclouded serenity of their +peace. Even without the esteem and respect of all their neighbours, +rich and poor, the love of parents and children, brothers and sister, +was enough for each heart there. + +But the day of separation must come at last, however long we may delay +it, and after Julian's thirteenth birthday it was decided that he must +go to school. In making this determination, his father knew what he was +about. He knew that in sending his son among a multitude of boys he was +exposing him to a world of temptation, and placing him amid many +dangers. Yet he never hesitated about it, and when his wife spoke with +trembling anxiety of the things which she had heard and read about +school-life, he calmly replied that without danger there can be no +courage, and without temptation no real virtue or tried strength. + +"Poor Julian," said Mrs Home, "but won't he be bullied dreadfully?" + +"No, dear; the days of those atrocities about which you read in books +are gone by for ever. At no respectable school, except under very rare +and peculiar circumstances, are boys exposed to any worse difficulties +in the way of cruelty than they can very easily prevent or overcome." + +"But then those dreadful moral temptations," pleaded the mother. + +"They are very serious, love. But is it not better that our boy should +learn, by their means, (as thousands do), to substitute the manliness of +self-restraint for the innocence of ignorance--even on the very false +supposition that such an innocence can be preserved? And remember that +he does not escape these temptations by avoiding them; from the little I +have seen, it is my sincere conviction that for after-life, (even in +this aspect alone, without alluding to the innumerable other arguments +which _must_ be considered), the education of a public school is a far +sounder preparation than the shelter of home. I cannot persuade our +neighbour Mrs Hazlet of this, but I should tremble to bring up Julian +with no wider experience than she allows to her boy." + +So Julian went to Harton, and, after a time, thoroughly enjoyed his life +there, and was unharmed by the trials which must come to every +schoolboy; so that when he came back for his first holidays, the mother +saw with joy and pride that her jewel was not flawed, and remained +undimmed in lustre. Who knows how much had been contributed to that +glad result by the daily and nightly prayer which ever ascended for him +from his parents' lips, "Lead him not into temptation, but deliver him +from evil." + +For when he first went to school, Julian was all the more dangerously +circumstanced, from the fact that he was an attractive and engaging boy. +With his bright eyes, beaming with innocence and trustfulness, the +healthy glow of his clear and ingenuous countenance, and the noble look +and manners which were the fruit of a noble mind, he could never be one +of those who pass unknown and unnoticed in the common throng. And since +to these advantages of personal appearance he superadded a quick +intelligence, and no little activity and liveliness, he was sure to meet +with flattery and observation. But there was something in Julian's +nature which, by God's grace, seemed to secure him from evil, as though +he were surrounded by an atmosphere impermeable to base and wicked +hearts. He passed through school-life not only unscathed by, but almost +ignorant of, the sins into which others fell; and the account which his +contemporaries might have given of their schoolboy days was widely +different from his own. He was one of those of whom the grace of God +took early hold, and in whom "reason and religion ran together like warp +and woof," to form the web of a wise and holy life. Such happy +natures--such excellent hearts there are; though they are few and far +between. + +To Hugh Lillyston Julian owed no little of his happiness. They had been +in the same forms together since Julian came, and the friendship between +them was never broken. When Lillyston first saw the new boy, he longed +to speak to him at once, but respected him too much to thrust himself +rudely into his acquaintance. During the first day or two they +exchanged only a few shy words; for Julian, too, was pleased and taken +with Lillyston's manly, honest look. But both had wisely determined to +let their knowledge of each other grow up naturally and gradually, +without any first-sight vows of eternal friendship, generally destined +to be broken in the following week. + +Lillyston had observed, not without disgust, that two thoroughly bad +fellows were beginning to notice the newcomer, and determined at all +hazards to tell Julian his opinion of them. So one day as they left the +school-room together, he said-- + +"Do you know Brant and Jeffrey?" + +"Yes; a little," answered Julian. + +"Did you know them before you came, or anything?" + +"No; but they _will_ wait for me every now and then at the door of the +fourth-form room when I'm coming out and I'm sure I don't want them, but +one doesn't wish to seem uncivil, and I don't know how to get rid of +them." + +"H'm! well, I wouldn't see too much of them if I were you." + +"No? but why?" + +"Well, never mind--only I thought I'd tell you;" and Lillyston, +half-ashamed at having taken this step, and half-afraid that Julian +might misconstrue it, ran away. Julian, who was little pleased with the +coarse adulation of Brant and Jeffrey, took his friend's advice, and +from that time he and Lillyston became more and more closely united. +They were constantly together, and never tired of each other's society; +and at last, when their tutor, observing and thoroughly approving of the +friendship, put them both in the same room, the school began in fun to +call them Achilles and Patroclus, Damon and Pythias, Orestes and +Pylades, David and Jonathan, Theseus and Pirithous, and as many other +names of _paria amicorum_ as they could remember. + +Yet there was many a Harton boy who would have said, "Utinam in tali +amicitia tertius ascriberer!" for each friend communicated to the other +something at least of his own excellences. Lillyston instructed Julian +in the mysteries of fives, racquets, football, and cricket, until he +became an adept at them all; and Julian, in return, gave Lillyston very +efficient help in work, and inspired him with intellectual tastes for +which he felt no little gratitude in after days. The desire of getting +his remove with Julian worked so much with him that he began to rise +many places in the examinations; and while Julian was generally among +the first few, Lillyston managed to be placed, at any rate, far above +the ranks of the undistinguished herd. + +So, form by form, Lillyston and Julian Home mounted up the school side +by side, and illustrated the noblest and holiest uses of friendship by +adding to each other's happiness and advantage in every way. I am glad +to dwell on such a picture, knowing, O holy Friendship, how awfully a +schoolboy can sometimes _desecrate_ thy name! + +Three years had passed, and they were now no longer little boys, but in +the upper fifth form together, and Julian was in his sixteenth year. It +was one March morning, when, shortly after they entered the school-room, +the school "Custos" came in and handed to the master a letter-- + +"It's for Mister Home, sir, by telegraph." + +The master called Julian, (whose heart beat quick when he heard his +name), and said to him-- + +"Perhaps you had better take it out of the room, Home, before you read +it, as it may contain something important." + +With a grateful look for this considerate kindness, Julian took the +hint, and leaving the room, tore open the message, which was from his +mother-- + +"Dear Julian--Come home _instantly_; your father is most dangerously +ill. I cannot add more." + +The boys heard a cry, and the master made a sign to Lillyston, who had +already started to his feet. Springing out of the unclosed door, he +found Julian half-fainting; for his home affections were the very +mainsprings of his life. He read the message, helped Julian +down-stairs, flung a little cold water over his face, and then led him +to their own study, where he immediately began, without a word, to pack +up for him such things as he thought he would require. + +Lillyston made all the necessary arrangements, and did not leave his +friend until he had seen him into the railway carriage, and pressed his +hand with a silent farewell. He watched the train till it was out of +sight. + +Then first did Julian's anguish find vent in tears. Passionately he +longed at least to _know_ the worst, and would have given anything to +speed the progress of the train, far too slow for his impatient misery. +He was tormented by remembering the unusually solemn look and tone with +which his father had parted from him a month before, and by the +presentiment which at that moment had flashed across him with +uncontrollable vividness, that they should never meet again. At last, +at last they reached Ildown late in the evening, just as the flushed +glare of crimson told the death-struggle of an angry sunset with the +dull and heavy clouds. The station was a mile from the town, and it was +a raw, gusty, foggy evening. There was no conveyance at the station, +but leaving with the porter a hasty direction about his luggage, Julian +flew along the road heedless of observation, reached the cliff, and at +length stood before the rectory door. He was wet, hungry, and +exhausted, for since morning he had tasted nothing, and his run had +spattered him with mud from head to heel. It was too dark to judge what +had happened from the appearance of the house, and half-frantic as he +was with fear and eagerness, he had yet not dared to give a loud summons +at the door, lest he should disturb his father's slumber or excite his +nerves. + +Ah! Julian, you need not restrain your impetuous dread from that cause +now-- + +The door opened very quietly, and in reply to Julian's incoherent +question, the good old servant only shook her head, and turned away to +brush off with her apron the tears which she vainly struggled to +repress. But the boy burst into the study where he knew that the rest +would be, and in another moment his arm was round his mother's neck, +while Cyril and Violet and little Frank drew close and wept silently +beside them both. But still Julian knew not or would not know the full +truth, and at last he drew up courage to ask the question which had been +so long trembling on his lips-- + +"Is there no hope, mother, no hope?" + +"Don't you know then, my boy? Your father is--" + +"Not _dead_," said Julian, in a hollow voice. "Oh, mother, mother, +mother." + +His head drooped on her shoulder the news fell on him like a horrible +blow, and, stunned as he was with weariness and anxiety, all sense and +life flowed from him for a time. + +The necessity for action and the consolation of others are God's blessed +remedies to lull, during the first intolerable moments, the poignancy of +bereavement. Mrs Home had to soothe her children, and to see that they +took needful food and rest; and she watched by the bedside of her +younger boys till the silken swathe of a soft boyish sleep fell on their +eyes, red and swollen with many tears. Then she saw Violet to bed, and +at last sat down alone with her eldest son, who by a great prayerful +effort aroused himself at last to a sense of his position. + +He took her hand in his, and said in a low whisper, "Mother, let me see +him?" + +"Not now, dearest Julian; wait till to-morrow, for our sakes." + +"What was the cause of death, mother?" + +"Disease of the heart;" and once more the widow's strength seemed likely +to give way. But this time it was Julian's turn to whisper, "God's will +be done." + +Next morning Mrs Home, with Julian and Violet, entered the room of +death. Flowers were scattered on the bed, and on that face, calm as +marble yet soft as life, the happy wondering smile had not yet even died +away. And there Julian received from his mother a slip of paper, on +which his father's dying hand had traced the last messages of undying +love and when they had left him there alone, he opened and read these +words, written with weak and wavering pen-- + + "My own dearest boy, in this world we shall never meet again. But I + die happy, Julian, for my trust is in God, who cares for the widow and + the fatherless. And you, Julian, will take my place with Violet, + Cyril, and dear Frankie--I need say nothing of a mother to such a son. + God bless you, my own boy. Be brave, and honest, and pure, and God + will be with you. Your dying father, + + "Henry Home." + +The last part was almost illegible, but Julian bent reverently over his +father's corpse, and it seemed that the smile brightened on those dead +lips as he bowed his young head in prayer. + +Reader, for many reasons we must not linger there. But I had to tell +you of that death and of those dying words which Julian knew by heart +through life, and which he kept always with him as the amulet against +temptation. He never forgot them; and oh! how often in the hours of +trial did it seem as if that dying message was whispered in his ear, "Be +brave, and honest, and pure, and God will be with you." + +The concluding arrangements were soon made. The family left the +rectory, but continued to reside at Ildown, a spot which they loved, and +where they were known and loved. Mr Home had insured his life for a +sum, not large indeed, but sufficient to save them from absolute penury, +and had besides laid by sufficient to continue Julian's education. It +was determined that he should return to Harton, and there try for the +Newry scholarship in time. If he should be successful in getting this, +there would be no further difficulty in his going to college, for it was +expected that a wealthy aunt of his would assist him. His guardians, +however, were kind enough to determine that, even in case of his failing +to obtain the Newry, they would provide for his university expenses, +although they did not conceal from him the great importance of his +earnestly studying with a view to gain this pecuniary aid. Cyril was +sent to Marlby, and Frank, who was but ten years old, remained for the +present at Ildown grammar school. + +After the funeral Julian returned to Harton with a sadder and wiser +heart. Though never an idle boy, he had not as yet realised the +necessity of throwing himself fully into the studies of the place, but +had rather given the reins to his fancy, and luxuriated in the gorgeous +day-dreams of poetry and romance. Henceforward, he became a most +earnest and diligent student, and day by day felt that his intellectual +powers grew stronger and more developed by this healthier nourishment. +At the end of that quarter he gained his first head-remove, and Mr +Carden rejoiced heartily in the success of his favourite pupil. + +"Why, Julian, you will beat us all if you go on at this rate," said he, +after reading over the trial verses which Julian asked him to criticise +after the examination. "You always showed taste, but here we have +vigour too; and for a wonder, you haven't made any mistakes." + +"I'm afraid I shall be `stumped' in the Greek `Iambi,' sir, as Mr +Clarke calls them." + +"Ah! well, you must take pains. You've improved, though, since you had +to translate Milton's-- + + "Smoothing the raven down + Of darkness, till it smiled; + +"when, you remember, I gave you a literal version of your `Iambi,' which +meant `pounding a pea-green fog.' Eh?" + +"Oh, yes," said Julian, "I remember too that I rendered `the moon-beams' +by `the moon's rafters.'" + +"Never mind," said Mr Carden, laughing, "improve in them as much as you +have in Latin verse, and we shall see you Newry scholar yet." + +A thrill of joy went through the boy's heart as he heard these words. + + + +CHAPTER FOUR. + +HOW JULIAN LOST A FORTUNE. + + "Most like a step-dame or a dowager + Long withering out a young man's revenue." + _Shakespeare_. + +I must not chronicle Julian's school-life, much as I should have to tell +about him, and strong as the temptation is, but another event happened +during his stay at Harton which affected so materially his future years +that I must proceed to narrate it now. + +Julian's father had a sister much older than himself, who many years +before had married a baronet-farmer, Sir Thomas Vinsear of Lonstead +Abbey. It was certainly not a love match on the lady's side, for the +baronet was twenty years her senior, and his tastes in no respect +resembled hers. But she was already of "a certain age," and despairing +of a lover, accepted the good old country squire, and was located for +the rest of her life as mistress of Lonstead Abbey. + +As long as he lived all was well; Lady Vinsear, like a sensible wife, +conformed herself to all his wishes and peculiarities, and won in no +slight degree his gratitude and affection. But he did not long survive +his marriage, and after a few years the lady found herself alone and +childless in the solitary grandeur of her husband's home. + +Her brother Henry, the Rector of Ildown, had always been her special +favourite, and she looked to his frequent visits to enliven her +loneliness. But she was piqued by his having married without consulting +her, and behaved so uncourteously to Mrs Home, that for a long time the +intercourse between them was broken. + +One day, however, shortly before his death, she had written to announce +an intended visit, and in due time her carriage stood before the rectory +door. It so happened that it was Julian's holiday-time, and he was at +home. Changed as the old lady had become by years and disappointment, +and the ennui of an aimless widowhood, little relieved by the unceasing +attendance of a confidante, yet Lady Vinsear's childless and withered +heart seemed to be touched to life again when she gazed on her brother's +beautiful and modest boy. Courteous without subservience, and attentive +without servility, Julian, by his graceful and unselfish demeanour, won +her complete affection, and she dropped to the family no ambiguous +hints, that, for Julian's sake, she should renew her intercourse with +them, and make him her heir. Circumstanced as he was, Mr Home could +not but rejoice in this determination, and the more so from his proud +consciousness that not even the vilest detractor could charge him with +having courted his rich sister's favour by open or secret arts. From +Julian he would have concealed Lady Vinsear's intention, but she had +herself made him tolerably aware of it, after a fit of violent spleen +against Miss Sprong, her confidante, who, seeing how the wind lay, had +tried to drop little malicious hints against the favourite nephew, until +the old lady had cut them short, by a peremptory order that Miss Sprong +should leave the room. That little rebuff the lady never forgot and +never forgave, and, under the guise of admiration, she nursed her enmity +against the unconscious Julian until due opportunity should have +occurred to give it vent. + +Every now and then, Julian, when wearied with study, would be tempted to +think in his secret heart, "What does it matter my working so hard, when +I shall be master of Lonstead Abbey some day?" And then perhaps would +follow a rather inconsistent fit of idleness, till Mr Carden, or some +other master, applied the spur again. + +"I can't make you out, Julian," said Lillyston; "sometimes you grind +away for a month like--like beans, and then you're as idle again for a +week as the dog that laid his head against a wall to bark." + +"Well, shall I tell you, Hugh?" answered Julian, who had often felt that +it would be a relief to put his friend in possession of the secret. And +he told Lillyston that he was the acknowledged heir of his aunt's +property. + +"Oh, well then," said Lillyston, "I don't see why I should work either, +seeing as how Lillyston Court will probably come to me some day. I say, +Julian, I vote we both try for lag next trials. It'd save lots of +grind." + +All this was brought out very archly, and instantly recalled to Julian's +mind the many arguments which he had used to his friend, especially +since his father's death, to prove that, under any circumstances, +diligence was a duty which secured its own reward; indeed, he used to +maintain that, even on selfish grounds it was best, for in the long run +the idlest boys, with their punishments and extras, got far the most +work to do--to say nothing of the lassitude that usurps the realm of +neglected duty, and that disgraceful ignorance which is the nemesis of +wasted time. + +He burst out laughing. "You have me on the hip, Hugh, and I give in. +In proof whereof, here goes the novel I'm reading; and I'll at once set +to work on my next set of verses;" whereon Julian pitched his green +novel to the top of an inaccessible cupboard, got down his Elegiacs for +the next day, and had no immediate recurrence of what Lillyston +christened the "pudding theory of work." + +It was during his last year at Harton that Lady Vinsear, in consequence +of one of her sudden whims, wrote to invite him to Lonstead, with both +his brothers; for she never took any notice of either Violet or Mrs +Home. The time she mentioned was ten days before the Harton holidays +began. So that Frank and Cyril, (who came back from Marlby just in +time), had to go alone, rather to their disgust; Julian, however, +promising to join them directly after he returned from school. The +wilful old lady, urged on by the confidante, took considerable umbrage +at this, and wrote that "she was quite sure the Doctor would not have +put any obstacles in the way of Julian's coming had he been informed of +_her_ wishes. And as for trials, (the Harton word for examination), +which Julian had pleaded in excuse, he had better take care that, in +attending to the imaginary trials of Harton, he didn't increase his own +real trials." + +This sentence made Julian laugh immoderately, both from his aunt's +notion of the universal autocracy of _her_ will, and from her obvious +bewilderment at the technical word "Trials," which had betrayed her +unconsciously into a pun, which, of all things, she abhorred. However, +he wrote back politely--explained what he meant by "Trials"--begged to +be excused for a neglect of her wishes, which was inevitable--and +reiterated his promise of joining his brothers, as early as was +feasible, under her hospitable roof. + +It was not without inward misgiving that Cyril and Frank found +themselves deposited in the hall of their glum old aunt's large and +lonely house, the very size and emptiness of which had tended not a +little to increase the poor lady's vapours. However, they were +naturally graceful and well-bred, so that, in spite of the patronising +empire assumed over them by the vulgar and half-educated Miss Sprong-- +which Cyril especially was very much inclined to resent--the first day +or two passed by with tolerable equanimity. + +But this dull routine soon proved unendurable to the two lively boys. +They found it impossible to sit still the whole evening, looking over +sacred prints; and this was the only amusement which Miss Sprong +suggested to Lady Vinsear for them. Of late the dowager had taken what +she considered to be a religious turn; but unhappily the supposed +religion was as different from real piety as light from darkness, and +consisted mainly in making herself and all around her miserable by a +semi-ascetic puritanism of observances, and a style of conversation fit +to drive her little nephews into a lunatic asylum. + +Though they both felt a species of terror at their ungracious aunt, and +the ever-detonating Miss Sprong, the long-pent spirit of fun at times +grew too strong in them, and they would call down sharp rebukes by +romping in the drawing-room, so as to disturb the two ladies while they +read to each other, for hours together, the charming treatises of their +favourite moderate divine. + +The boys were seated on two stools, in the silence of despair, and at +last Cyril, who had been twirling his thumbs for half an hour, and +listening to a dissertation on Armageddon, gave a yawn so portentous and +prolonged that Frank suddenly exploded in a little burst of laughter, +which was at once checked, when Miss Sprong observed-- + +"I think it would be profitable if your ladyship,"--Miss Sprong never +omitted the title--"would set your nephews some of Watts' hymns to +learn." + +The nephews protested with one voice and much rebellion, but at last +their irate aunt quenched the unseemly levity, and they were fairly set +to work at Dr Watts--Frank getting for his share "The little busy bee." +But instead of learning it, they got together, and Cyril began drawing +pictures of cruet-stands and other impieties, whereby Frank was kept in +fits of laughter, and when called up to say his hymn, knew nothing at +all about it. Cyril sat by him, and when Frank had exhausted his stock +of acquirements by saying, in a tone of disgust-- + + "How doth the little busy bee--" + +Cyril suggested-- + + "Delight to bark and bite." + +"Oh, yes-- + + "How doth the little busy bee + Delight to bark and bite-- + +"How _does_ it go on, Cyril?" said Frank. + + "To gather honey all the day, + And eat it all the night," + +whispered the audacious brother, conjuring into memory the schoolboy +version of that celebrated poem. + +Frank, who was far too much engrossed in his own difficulties to think +of what he was saying, artlessly repeated the words, and opened his +large eyes in amazement, when he was greeted by a shout of laughter from +Cyril, and a little shriek of indignation from Miss Sprong, which +combined sounds started Lady Vinsear from the doze into which she had +fallen, and ended in the summary ejectment of the young offenders. + +The next day, to their own great relief and delight, they were sent home +in disgrace; and knowing that their mother would not be angry with them +for a piece of childish gaiety under such trying circumstances, they +were surprised and pained to see how grave she and Violet looked when +they told their story. But Mrs Home's thoughts had reverted to Julian, +and she knew Miss Sprong too well not to be aware that she had designs +on Lady Vinsear's property, and would excite against Julian any ill-will +she could. + +That her fears were not unfounded was proved by the fact that, in the +middle of trial-week, Julian received an altogether intolerable epistle +from Miss Sprong, written, she said, "at the express request and +dictation of his esteemed aunt," calling him to account for this little +incident in a way that, (to use Lillyston's expression), instantly "put +him on his hind legs." He read a part of this letter to Lillyston, and, +with his own comments, it ran thus:-- + + "Lady Vinsear desires me to say," (Hem! I doubt that very much), + "that the rudeness of those two little boys, to say nothing of their + great immorality and impiety," (I say, that's coming it too strong, or + rather too _Sprong_), "is such as to reflect great discredit on the + influences to which they have been _lately_--" + +"By Jove! this is too bad," said Julian, passionately; "when she adds +innuendoes against my mother to her other malice--I won't stand it," +and, without reading farther, he tossed the letter into the fire, +watching with vindictive eyes its complete consumption-- + + "There goes the squire--revered, illustrious spark! + And there--no less illustrious--goes the clerk!" + +he said, as he watched the little red streams flickering out of the +black paper ashes. "And now for the answer! Bother the woman for +plaguing me, (for I know it's none of my aunt's handiwork), in the +middle of trial-week." + +"I say, Julian, don't be too fiery in your answer, you know, for you +really ought to appease the poor old lady. Only think of that impudent +little brother of yours! I must make the young rogue's acquaintance +some day." + +But Julian had seized a sheet of note-paper, and wrote to his aunt, not +condescending to notice even by a message her obnoxious amanuensis:-- + + "My Dear Aunt--I cannot believe that the letter I received to-day + really emanated from you, at least not in the language in which it was + couched. + + "I have neither time nor inclination," (`Hoity, toity, how grand we + are!') "to attend to the foolish trifle to which your amanuensis," + (`Meaning me!' screamed the irrepressible Sprong), "alludes; but I am + quite sure that, on reflection, you will not be inclined to judge too + hardly a mere piece of fun and thoughtless liveliness; for that + Frankie meant to be rude, I don't for a moment believe. I shall only + add, that if I were not convinced that _you_ can never have sanctioned + the expressions which the lady," (Julian had first written `person,' + but altered it afterwards), "who wrote for you presumed to apply to my + brothers, and above all, to my mother, I should have good reason to be + offended; but feeling sure that they are not attributable to you, I + pass them over with indifference. I am obliged to write in great + haste, so here I must conclude. + + "Believe me, my dear Aunt, your affectionate nephew, + + "Julian Home." + +Lady Vinsear was secretly pleased with the spirit which this letter +showed, and was not sorry for the snubbing which it gave to her +lady-companion; but she determined to exercise a little tyranny, and +fancied that Julian would be too much frightened to resent it. +Accustomed to the legacy-hunting spirit of many parasites, the old lady +thought that Julian would be like the rest, and hoped to enjoy the sight +of him reduced to submission and obedience, in the hopes of future +advantage; not that she would exult in his humiliation, but she was glad +of any pretext to bring the noble boy before her as a suppliant for her +favour. Accordingly, setting aside her first and better impulses, she +wrote back a sharp reply, abusing Cyril and Frank in round and severe +terms, and adding some bitter innuendoes about the poverty of the +family, and their supposed expectations at her decease. Miss Sprong +lent all the venom of her malicious ingenuity to this precious +performance, which fortunately did not reach Julian until trials were +nearly over. Tired with excitement and hard work, the boy could ill +endure these galling allusions, and wrote back a short and fiery +reply:-- + + "My Dear Aunt--If any one has persuaded you that I am eager to + purchase your good-will at any sacrifice, and that in consideration of + `supposed advantages' hereafter to be derived from you--I shall be + willing to endure unkindly language or groundless insinuations about + my other relatives--then they have very seriously misled you as to my + real character. This is really the only reply of which your letter + admits. I shall always be ready, as in duty bound, to bestow on you + such respect and affection as our relationship demands and your own + kindness may elicit, but I would scorn to win your favour at the + expense of a subservience at once ungenerous and unjust. + + "Believe me to remain, your affectionate nephew, + + "Julian Home." + +This letter decided the matter. Lady Vinsear wrote back, that as he +obviously cared nothing about her, and did not even treat her with +ordinary deference, she had that day altered her will. Poor old lady! +Julian's angry letter cost her many a pang; and that night, as she sat +in her bedroom by her lonely hearth, and thought over her dead brother +and this gallant high-souled boy of his, the tears coursed each other +down her furrowed cheeks, and she could get no rest. At last she had +taken her desk, and, with trembling hands, written:-- + + "Dearest Julian--Forgive an old woman's whim, and come to me and + comfort my old age. All I have is yours, Julian; and I love you, + though I wrote to you so bitterly.--Your loving aunt, + + "Caroline Vinsear." + +But when morning came, Sprong resumed her ascendency, and by raking up +and blowing the cooled embers of her patroness' wrath, succeeded once +more in fanning them to the old red heat, after which she poured vinegar +upon them, and they exploded in the pungent fumes of the note which told +our hero that he was not to hope, for the future, to be one day owner of +a handsome fortune. + +Of course, at first he was a little downcast; and in talking to +Lillyston, compared himself to Gautier sans avoir, and "Wilfred the +disinherited." + +"Never mind, Julian; it matters very little to _you_," said Lillyston +proudly. + +"Anyhow I must have no more fits of idleness," answered Julian. + +And indeed the only pain it caused him arose from the now necessary +decision that he must go to Saint Werner's College _as a sizar_, or not +at all. But for all that he went home with a light heart, and had once +more gained the proud distinction of head-remove--one for which, at that +time, I very much doubt whether he would have exchanged the prospect of +a rich inheritance. + +And the misfortune proved an advantage to Cyril too, as we shall see. + +"So here's the little rogue who has lost me a thousand a year," said +Julian laughingly, when he got home, and took Cyril on his knee by the +fireside after dinner. The next moment he was very sorry he had said +it, for Cyril hung his head, and seemed quite disconcerted; but his +brother laughed away his sorrow, as he thought, and no further allusion +to the subject was made. + +But that night, as Julian looked into his brother's bedroom before he +went to bed, he found Cyril crying, and his pillow wet with tears. + +"Cyril, what's the matter, my boy?--you're not ill, are you?" + +Cyril sat up, his eyes still swimming, and threw his arms round his +brother's neck. "I've ruined you, Julian," he said. + +"My dear child, what nonsense! Nay, my foolish little fellow," answered +Julian, "this is really a mistake of yours. Aunt Vinsear was angry with +me for my letters,--not with you. Don't cry so, Cyril, for I really +don't care a rush about it; but I shall care if it vexes you. But shall +I tell you why you ought to know of it, Cyril?" + +"Why?" + +"Because, my boy, it affects you too. You know, Cyril, that we are very +poor now. Well, you see we shall have to support ourselves hereafter, +and mother and Violet depend on us so you must work hard, Cyril, will +you? and don't be idle at Marlby, as I'm afraid you have been. Eh, my +boy?" + +The boy promised faithfully, and performed the promise well in after +days; but that night Julian did not leave him until he was fast asleep. + +We shall tell only one more scene of Julian's Harton life, and that very +briefly. + +It is a glorious summer afternoon; four o'clock bell is just over, and +it is expected that in a few minutes the examiner, (an old Hartonian and +senior classic), will read out the list which shall give the result of +many weeks' hard work. The Newry scholarship is to be announced at the +same time: Bruce and Home are the favourite names. + +A crowd of boys throng round the steps, but Julian is not among them; he +is leaning over the rails of the churchyard, under the elm-trees by +Peachey's tomb, filled with a trembling and almost sickening anxiety. +Bruce, confident of victory, is playing racquets, just below the +schoolyard. + +The Examiner suddenly appears from the speech-room door. There is a +breathless silence while he reads the list, and then announces, in an +emphatic voice-- + +"The Newry scholarship is adjudged to Julian Home!" + +Off darts Lillyston, bounds up the hill into the churchyard, and has +informed the happy Julian of his good fortune long before the "three +cheers for Mr Burton," and "three cheers for Home," have died away. + + + +CHAPTER FIVE. + +SAINT WERNER'S. + + "So soon the boy a youth, the youth a man, + Eager to run the race his fathers ran." + Rogers' _Human Life_. + +The last day at Harton came; the last chapel-service in that fair school +fabric; the last sermon, "Arise, let us go hence;" the last look at the +churchyard and the fourth-form room; the last "Speecher," and delivering +up of the monitor's keys; the last farewells to Mr Carden and the other +masters, and the Doctor, and their schoolfellows and fags; and then with +swelling hearts Julian and Lillyston got into the special train, +thronged with its laughing and noisy passengers, and during the twenty +minutes which were occupied by their transit to London, were filled with +the melancholy thought that the days of boyhood were over for ever. + +"Good-bye, Frank," said Julian--"To-morrow, to fresh fields and pastures +new." + +"Good-bye, Julian. We must meet next at Saint Werner's." + +"Mind you write meanwhile." + +"All right. You shall hear in a week. Good-bye." And Lillyston nodded +from the cab window his last farewell to Julian Home, the Harton boy. + +But if there were partings, what glorious meetings there were too, +during those twenty-four hours. Ah! they must be felt, not written of: +but I am sure that no family felt a keener joy that day, than Julian's +mother, and sister, and brothers, when they saw him again, and learnt +with pride that he had won a scholarship of 100 pounds a year; even Will +and Mary, the faithful servants, seemed, when they heard it, to look up +to their young master with even more honour than before. + +Bruce spent the first part of his holidays in shooting, and the latter +weeks in all the gaieties of a wealthy London family. He was naturally +self-indulgent, and as no one urged him to make good use of his time, he +devoted it to every possible amusement which riches could procure. Both +he and his parents had a boundless belief in his natural abilities, and +these, he thought, would be quite sufficient to gain him such honours as +should be a graceful addition to the public reputation which he intended +to win. A week or two before the Camford term commenced, he engaged +some splendid lodgings, the most expensive which he heard of, and, +turning out the furniture which was usually let with them, gave an +almost unlimited order to a fashionable upholsterer to see them fitted +out with due luxury and taste. When he came up as a freshman, which he +deferred doing until the last possible moment, he was himself amazed to +see how literally his orders had been obeyed. The rooms were refulgent +with splendour: glossy tables, velvet-cushioned chairs, Turkey carpets, +rich curtains, and an abundance of mirrors, made them, as the tradesman +remarked "fit for a lord;" and Bruce took possession, with no little +pride and self-satisfaction at finding himself his own master in so +brilliant an abode. + +Meanwhile, the holidays had passed by with Julian very differently, but +very happily. Without tiring himself, or harassing his attention by +study, he made a rule of devoting to work some portion, at least, of +every day. Long strolls with his mother and sister in the bright summer +evenings, bathes and boating excursions with Cyril and Frank, and happy, +lonely rambles on the beach, kept him in health and spirits, and he +looked forward with eager ambition to the arena which he was so soon to +enter. + +"The Harton boys have gone back by this time, haven't they?" asked +Violet, as she sat with her mother and brother on the lawn one +afternoon. "Don't you wish you were there again with them, Julian?" + +"No," said Julian, "I wouldn't exchange Saint Werner's man even for +Harton boy." + +"How soon shall you have to go up to Saint Werner's?" said Mrs Home. + +"On October 15th; in about a fortnight's time. I mean to go up a day or +two beforehand to get settled. You and Violet must come with me, +mother." + +"But is that usual? Won't you get laughed at as though you were coming +up under female escort?" asked Violet. + +"Pooh! you don't suppose I care for that," said Julian, "even supposing +it were likely to be true; besides--" He said no more, but his proud +look at his sister's face seemed to imply that he expected rather to be +envied than laughed at. + +Accordingly, they went up together, and, as the train drew nearer and +nearer to Camford, all three grew silent and thoughtful. They were +rightly conscious that on the years to be spent in college life depended +no small part of Julian's future happiness and prosperity. Three years +at least would be spent there; years wealthy with all blessing, or +prolific of evil and regret. + +It was night when they arrived, and in the dimly-lighted streets there +was not enough visible to gratify Julian's eager curiosity. The omnibus +was crowded with undergraduates, who were chiefly freshmen, but +apparently anxious to seem very much at home. At the station, the piles +of luggage seemed interminable, and Mrs Home and Violet were not sorry +to escape from the unusual confusion to the quiet of their hotel. + +Next morning, directly after an impatient breakfast, Julian started to +call on his tutor. + +"Which is the way to Saint Werner's College?" he asked of the waiter. + +"Straight along, sir," was the reply, and off he started down King's +Parade. In his hurry to make the first acquaintance with his new +college, Julian hardly stopped to admire the smooth green quadrangle and +lofty turrets of King Henry's College, or Saint Mary's, or the Senate +House and Library, but strode on to the gate of Saint Werner's. +Entering, he gazed eagerly at the famous great court, with its chapel, +hall, fountain, and Master's lodge; and then made his way through the +cloisters of Warwick's Court to his tutor's rooms. + +On entering, he found himself in a room, luxuriously furnished, and full +of books. In a large armchair before the fire sat a clergyman, whom +Julian at once conjectured to be Mr Grayson, the tutor on whose "side" +he was entered. He was a tall, grave-looking man, of about forty, and +rose to greet his pupil with a formal bow. + +"How do you do, Mr --? I did not quite catch the name." + +"Home, sir," said Julian, advancing to shake hands in a cordial and +confiding manner; but the tutor contented himself with a very cold +shake, and seemed at a loss how to proceed. + +Julian was burning with curiosity and eagerness. He longed to ask a +hundred questions; at such a moment--a moment when he first felt how +completely he had passed over the boundary which divides boyhood from +manhood, he yearned for a word of advice, of encouragement, of sympathy. +He expected, at least, something which should resemble a welcome, or a +direction what to do. Nothing of the kind, however, came. While Julian +was awaiting some remark, the tutor shuffled, hemmed, and looked ill at +ease, as though at a loss how to begin the conversation. + +At last Julian, in despair, asked, "Whereabouts are my rooms, sir?" + +"Oh, the porter will show you; you'll find no difficulty about them," +said the tutor. + +"Have you anything further to ask me, Mr Home?" he inquired, after +another little pause. + +"Nothing whatever, sir," said Julian, a little indignantly, for he began +to feel much like what a volcano may be supposed to do when its crater +is filled with snow. "Have you anything to tell me, sir?" + +"No, Mr Home. I hope you'll--that is--I hope--good morning," he said, +as Julian, to relieve him from an unprofitable commonplace, backed +towards the door, and made a formal bow. + +"Humph," thought Julian. "What an icicle; not much good to be got out +of that quarter. An intolerably cold reception. It's odd, too, for the +man must have heard all about me from Mr Carden." + +As we shall have very little to do with Mr Grayson, we may here allow +him a cordial word of apology. What was to Julian the commencement of +an epoch, was, be it remembered, to the tutor a commonplace and almost +everyday event. The whole of that week he had been occupied in +receiving visits from "the early fathers," who came up in charge of +their sons, and all of whom seemed to expect that he would show the +liveliest and tenderest interest in their respective prodigies. Other +freshmen had visited him unaccompanied, and some of them seemed rather +inclined to patronise him than otherwise. He was a shy man, and always +had a painful suspicion at heart that people were laughing at him. +Having lived the life of a student, he had never acquired the polished +ease of a man of the world, and had a nervous dread of strangers. His +manners were but an icy shield of self-defence against ridicule, and +they suited his somewhat sensitive dignity. He persuaded himself, too, +that the "men" on his side were "men" in years and discretion as well as +name, and that they must stand or fall unaided, since the years of +boyish discipline and school constraint were gone by. It never occurred +to him that a word spoken in due season might be of incalculable benefit +to many of his charge. Being a man of slow sensibilities, he could not +sympathise with the enthusiastic temperament of youths like Julian, nor +did he ever single out one of his pupils either for partiality or +dislike. Yet he was thoroughly kind-hearted, and many remembered his +good deeds with generous gratitude. Nor was he wholly wrong in his +theory that a tutor often does as much harm by meddling interference as +he does by distance and neglect. + +When a boy goes to college, eager, quick, impetuous, rejoicing as a +giant to run his course, he is generally filled with noble resolutions +and elevating thoughts. There is a touch of flame and of romance in his +disposition; he feels himself to be the member of a brotherhood, and +longs to be a distinguished and worthy one; he is anxious for all that +is grand and right, and yearns for a little sympathy to support his +determination and enliven his hopes. Some there may be so dull and +sensual, so swallowed up in selfishness and conceit, so chill to every +generous sentiment, and callous to every stirring impulse, that they +experience none of this; their sole aim is, on the one hand to succeed, +or on the other, to amuse and gratify themselves, to cultivate all their +animal propensities, and drown in the mud-honey of premature +independence the last relics of their childish aspirations. With men +like this, to dress showily, to drive tandem and give champagne +breakfasts, comes as a matter of course; while their supremest delight +is to wander back to their old school, in fawn-coloured dittos, and with +a cigar in their mouths, to show their superiority to all sense of +decency and good taste. But these are the rare exceptions. However +much they may conceal their own emotions, however dead and cynical, and +contemptible they may grow in after days, there are few men of ordinary +uprightness who do not feel a thrill of genuine enthusiasm when they +first enter the walls of their college, and who will not own it without +a blush. + +Now Julian was an enthusiast by nature and temperament; all the +sentiments which we have been describing he felt with more than ordinary +intensity. It gave a grandeur to his hopes, and a distinct sense of +ennobling pleasure to remember that he was treading the courts which +generations of the good and wise had trodden before him, and holding in +his hand the torch which they had handed down to him. _Their_ memory +still lingered there, and he trusted that _his_ name too might in after +days be not wholly unremembered. At least he would strive, with a +godlike energy, to fail in no duty, and to leave no effort unfulfilled. +If he viewed his coming life too much in its poetical aspect, at least +his glowing aspirations and golden dreams were tempered with a deep +humility and a childlike faith. + +After fuming a little at the icy reception which his tutor had given +him, he walked up and down the court, thinking of his position, and his +intentions--of the past, the present, and the future--until proud tears +glistened in his eyes. It was clear to him that now he would have to +stand alone amid life's trials, and alone face life's temptations. And +he was ready for the struggle. With God's help he would not miss the +meaning of his life, but take the tide of opportunity while it was at +the flood. + +Before rejoining his mother, he determined to call on one of the junior +fellows, the only one with whom he had any acquaintance, the Reverend N +Admer. He only knew him from a casual introduction; but Mr Admer had +asked him to call, on his arrival at Saint Werner's, and Julian hoped +both to get some information from him to dissipate the painful feeling +of strangeness and novelty, and also partially to do away with the +effect of Mr Grayson's coldness. + +Although it was now past ten in the morning, he found Mr Admer only +just beginning breakfast, and looking tired and lazy. He was received +with a patronising and supercilious tone, and the Fellow not only went +on with his breakfast, but occasionally glanced at a newspaper while he +talked. Not that Mr Admer at all meant to be unkind or rude, but he +hated enthusiasm in every shape; he did not believe in it, and it +wearied him--hence freshmen during their first few days were his +profound abhorrence. + +After a few commonplace remarks, Julian ventured on a question or two as +to the purchases which he would immediately require, the hours of +lecture and hall, and the thousand-and-one trifles of which a newcomer +is necessarily ignorant. Mr Admer seemed to think this a great bore, +and answered languidly enough, advising Julian not to be "more fresh" +than he could help. It requires very small self-denial to make a person +at home by supplying him with a little information; but small as the +effort would have been, it was greater than the Reverend N Admer could +afford to make, and his answers were so little encouraging that Julian, +making ample allowance for the ennuye condition of the young Fellow, +relapsed into silence. + +"And what do you think of Saint Werner's?" asked Mr Admer, taking the +initiative, with a yawn. + +Julian's face lighted up. "Think of it! I feel uncommonly proud +already of being a Saint Werner's man." + +"Genius loci, and all that sort of thing, eh?" + +The sneering way in which this was said left room for no reply, so Mr +Admer continued. + +"Ah you'll soon find all that sort of twaddle wear off." + +"I hope not," said Julian. + +"Of course you intend to be senior classic, or senior wrangler, or +something of that sort?" + +"I expect simply nothing; but if I were inclined to soar, one might have +a still higher ambition than that." + +"Oh, I see; an embryo Newton,--all that sort of thing." + +"I didn't mean quite `all that sort of thing,' since you seem fond of +the phrase," said Julian, "but really I think my aspirations, whatever +they are, would only tire you. Good morning." + +"Good morning," said Mr Admer, nodding. "We don't shake hands up here. +I shall come and call on you soon." + +"The later the better," thought Julian, as he descended the narrow +stairs. "Good heavens! is that a fair specimen of a don, I wonder. If +so, I shall certainly confine my acquaintance to the undergraduates." + +No, Julian, not a fair specimen of a don altogether, but in some of his +aspects a fair specimen of a certain class of university men, who +profess to admire nothing, hope for nothing, love nothing; who think +warmth of heart a folly, and sentiment a crime; who would not display an +interest in any thing more important than a boat-race or a game of +bowls, to save their lives; who are very fond of the phrase, "all that +sort of nonsense," to express everything that rises above the dead level +of their own dead mediocrity in intelligence and life. If you would not +grovel in spirit; if you would not lose every tear that sparkles, and +every sigh that burns; if you would not ossify the very power of +passion; if you would not turn your soul into a mass of shapeless lead, +avoid those despicable cynics, who never leave their discussion of the +merits of beer, or the powers of stroke oars, unless it be to carp at +acknowledged eminence, and jeer at genuine emotion. How often in such +company have I seen men relapse into stupid silence, because, if they +ventured on any expression of lively interest, one of the throng, amid +the scornful indifference of the rest, would give the only +acknowledgment of his remark, by taking the pipe out of his mouth, to +give vent to a low guttural laugh. + +After this it was lucky for Julian that he had brought his mother and +sister with him, and that a moment after leaving Mr Admer he caught +sight of Hugh Lillyston. With a joyful expression of surprise, they +grasped each other's hands, and interchanged so friendly a greeting that +Julian in an instant had scattered to the winds the gloomy impression +which was beginning to creep over him. + +"How long have you been here, Hugh?" + +"I came yesterday." + +"Have you seen your rooms yet?" + +"No; I am just going to look for them." + +"Well, come along; I know where they are." + +"But stop," said Julian, "I must go to the Eagle first for my people. +They'll be expecting me." + +"Really. So Mrs Home's here?" asked Lillyston. + +"Yes, and my sister. If you've nothing to do, come and be introduced." + +"How immensely jolly. I wish _my_ mother and sister had taken the +trouble to come with me, I know." + +They went to the hotel, and Lillyston was able to gratify the curiosity +he had long felt to see his friend's relations. + +"Whom do you think I've brought back with me, mother? guess," said +Julian, as he entered the room beaming with pleasure. "Here, Hugh, come +along. My mother--my sister--Mr Lillyston." + +"What! is this the Mr Lillyston of whom we've heard so much?" asked +Mrs Home, with a cordial shake of the hand, while Violet looked up with +a quick glance of curiosity and pleasure. + +"No other," said Hugh, laughing; "and really I feel as if I were an old +friend already." + +"You are so, I assure you," said Mrs Home, "and I hope we shall often +meet now." Lillyston hoped the same, as he looked at Violet. + +It was arranged that they should all four go at once to Julian's rooms, +and help in the grand operation of unpacking. The rooms were very +pleasant attics in the great court, looking out on the Fellows' +bowling-green, and the Iscam flowing beyond it. The furniture, most of +which Julian was going to take from the previous possessor, was neat and +comfortable, and when the book shelves began to glitter with his Harton +prizes and gift-books, Julian was delighted beyond measure with the +appearance of his new home. + +For some hours the unpacking continued vigorously, only interrupted by +an excursion for lunch to the hotel, since Julian had as yet purchased +no plates and received no commons. + +On their return they found an old lady in the room-- + + "A charred and wrinkled piece of womanhood;" + +who, in a voice like the grating of a blunt saw, informed Julian that +she was to be his bedmaker, and asked him whether he intended "to tea" +in his rooms that evening. (The verb "to tea" is the property of +bedmakers, and, with beautiful elasticity, it even admits of a perfect +tense--as "have you tea'd?") + +"By all means," said Julian; "lay the table for four this evening at +eight o'clock, and get me some bread and butter. You'll stay, Hugh, +won't you?" + +"I should like to, very much. But won't it be your last evening with +your mother and Miss Home?" + +"Yes; but never mind that." + +Lillyston shook his head, and bidding the ladies a warm good-bye, left +them to enjoy with Julian his first quiet evening in Saint Werner's, +Camford. + +"I must hang my pictures before you go, Violet. I shall want your +advice." + +"Well, let me see," said Violet. "The water-colour likenesses of Cyril +and Frankie ought to go here, one on each side of Mr Vere; at least, I +suppose, you mean to put Mr Vere in the place of honour?" + +"Oh, certainly," said Julian; "every time I look on that noble face, so +full of strength and love, and so marked with those `divine +hieroglyphics of sorrow,' I shall learn fresh lessons of endurance and +wisdom." + +"People will certainly call you a heretic, if you do," laughed Violet. + +"People!" said Julian scornfully. + + "Of whom to be dispraised were no small praise. + +"Let them yelp." + +Mr Vere was an eminent clergyman, who had been an intimate friend of +Mr Home before his death. Julian had only heard him preach, and met +him occasionally; but he had read some of his works, and had received +from him so much sympathising kindness and intellectual aid, that he +regarded him with a love and reverence little short of devotion--as a +man distinguished above all others for his gentleness, his eloquence, +his honesty, his learning, and his love. This likeness had belonged to +Mr Home, and Julian had asked leave to carry it with him whenever he +should go to the University. + +"Yes, the place of honour for Mr Vere." + +"And where shall we hang this?" said Julian, taking up a photograph of +Van Dyck's great painting of Jacob's Dream: the Hebrew boy is sleeping +on the ground, and his long, dark curls, falling off his forehead, +mingle with the rich foliage of the surrounding plants, fanned by the +waving of mysterious wings; a cherub is lightly raising the embroidered +cap that partially shades his face, and at his feet, blessing him with +uplifted hand, stands a majestic angel, on whose flowing robes of white +gleams a celestial radiance from the vista, alight with heavenly faces, +that opens over his head. A happy and holy slumber seems to breathe +from the lad's countenance, and yet you can tell that the light of +dreams has dawned under his "closed eyelids," and that the inward eye +has caught full sight of that Beatific Epiphany. + +"We must hang this in your bedroom, Julian," said Mrs Home. "I shall +love to think of you lying under the outstretched hand of this heavenly +watcher." + +So they hung it there, and the task was over, and they spent a happy +happy evening together. Next morning Julian accompanied them to the +train, and walked back to the matriculation examination. + + + +CHAPTER SIX. + +RENCONTRES. + + "A boy--no better--with his rosy cheeks + Angelical, keen eye, courageous look, + And conscious step of purity and pride." + Wordsworth's _Prelude_. + +A public school man is by no means lonely when he first enters the +university. He finds many of his old school-fellows accompanying him, +and many who have gone up before him, and he feels united to them all by +a bond of fellowship, which at once creates for him a circle of friends. +Had Julian merely kept up his Harton acquaintances, he would have known +as many Camford men as were at all necessary for the purposes of +society. + +But although with most or all of the Hartonians Julian remained on +pleasant and friendly terms, there were others whom he saw quite as +much, and whose society he enjoyed all the more thoroughly because their +previous associations and experiences were different from his own. And +on looking back in aftertimes, what a delight it was to remember the +noble hearts which, during those years of college life, had always +beaten in unison with his own. Few enjoyments were more keen than that +social equality and unconventional intercourse common among all +undergraduates, which might at any time ripen into an earnest and +invaluable friendship, or merely stop at the stage of an agreeable +acquaintanceship. A great, and not the least useful portion of +University education consisted in the intimate knowledge of character +and the many-sided sympathies which were thus insensibly acquired. + +During the first few weeks of college life, of course, a good deal of +time was spent in receiving and returning the visits of acquaintances, +old and new. Of the latter, there was one with whom Julian and +Lillyston were equally charmed, and who soon became their constant +companion. His name was Kennedy, and Julian first got to know him by +sitting next him in lecture-room. His lively remarks, his keen and +vivid sense of the ludicrous, the quick yet kindly notice he took of +men's peculiarities, his ardent appreciation of the books which occupied +their time, and the pleasant, rapid way in which he would dash off a +caricature, soon attracted notice, and he rapidly became popular, both +among undergraduates and dons. He was known, too, by the warm eulogy of +his fellow-Marlbeians, who were never tired of singing his praises among +themselves. + +"Splendid!" whispered he to Julian warmly, after Julian had just +finished construing a difficult clause in the Agamemnon, which he had +done with a spirit and fire which even kindled a spark of admiration in +the cold breast of Mr Grayson. "Splendidly done, Home! I say, how +very reserved you are. Here have I been longing to know you for the +last ten days, and we have hardly got beyond a nod to each other yet. +Do come in to tea at my rooms to-night at eight. I want to introduce +you to a friend of mine--Owen of Roslyn school." + +"With pleasure," said Julian. "That dark-haired fellow is Owen, is it +not? I hear he's going to do great things!" + +"Oh yes! booked for a Fellow and a double-first; so you ought to know +him, you know." + +"Silence, gentlemen," said Mr Grayson, turning his stony gaze on +Kennedy, whose bright face instantly assumed a demure expression of deep +attention, while the light of laughter which still danced in his eyes +might have betrayed to a careful observer the fact that the notes on +which he appeared to be so assiduously occupied mainly consisted of +replications of Mr Grayson's placid physiognomy and Roman nose. + +"I've brought an umbra with me, Kennedy, in the person of Mr Lillyston, +who sits next to me at lectures, and wanted to be introduced to you," +said Owen, as he came in to Kennedy's room that evening. + +"I'm delighted," said Kennedy. "Mr Lillyston, let me introduce you to +Mr Home." + +"We hardly need an introduction, Hugh, at this time of day; do we?" said +Julian, laughing; and the four were soon as much at home as it was +possible for men to be. There was no lack of conversation. I think the +rooms of a Camford undergraduate are about the last place where +conversation ever flags; and when men like Kennedy, Owen, Julian, and +Lillyston meet, it is perhaps more genuinely earnest and interesting +than in any other time or place. + +The next day, as Kennedy was sitting in Julian's rooms, glancing over +the Aeschylus with him, in strutted Hazlet, whom we have incidentally +mentioned as having been the son of a widow lady living at Ildown. He +had come up to Camford straight from home, and as he had only received a +home-education everything was strangely bewildering to him, and Julian +was almost the only friend he knew. Nor was he likely to attract many +friends; his manner was strangely self-confident, and his language +dictatorial and dogmatic. In his mother's house he had long been the +centre of religious tea-parties, before which he was often called upon +to read and even to expound the Scriptures. "At the tip of his subduing +tongue" were a number of fantastic phrases, originally misapplied, and +long since worn bare of meaning, and the test of his orthodoxy was the +universality with which he could reiterate proofs of heresy against +every man of genius, honesty, and depth--who loved truth better than he +loved the oracles of the prevalent idols. Hazlet practised the duty of +Christian charity by dealing indiscriminate condemnation against all +except those who belonged to his own exclusive and somewhat ignorant +school of religious intolerance. His face was the reflex of his mind; +his lank black hair stuck down in stiff dry straightness over a +contracted forehead and an ill-shaped head; his spectacles gave +additional glassiness to a lack-lustre eye, and the manner in which he +carried his chin in the air seemed like an acted representation of "I am +holier than thou." + +Far be it from me to hold up to ridicule any body of earnest and honest +men, to whatever party they may belong. I am writing of Hazlet, not of +those who hold the same opinions as he did. That man must have been +unfortunate in life who has not many friends, and friends whom he holds +in deep affection, among the adherents of opinions most entirely +antagonistic to his own. Hazlet's repulsiveness was due to a very +mistaken education, developing a very foolish idiosyncrasy, and +especially to the pernicious system of encouraging sentiments and +expressions which in a boy's mind _could_ not be other than sickly +exotics. He had to be taught his own hypocrisy by the painful progress +of events, and, above all, he had to learn that religious shibboleths +may be no proof of sanctification, and that religious intolerance is +usually the hybrid offspring of ignorance and conceit. In many +essential matters he held the truth,--but he held it in unrighteousness. + +It may be imagined that Hazlet was no favourite companion of Julian +Home. But Julian loved and honoured to the utmost of his power the good +points of all; he had a deep and real veneration for humanity, and +rarely allowed himself an unkind expression, or a look which indicated +ennui, even to those associates by whose presence he was most +unspeakably bored. Hazlet mistook his courteous manner for a +deferential agreement, and was, too often, in Julian's presence more +than usually insufferable in his Pharisaical tendencies. + +"Good heavens!" said Kennedy, who saw Hazlet coming across the court. +"Who's this, Home? He looks as if he had been just presiding at three +conventicles and a meeting at Philadelphus Hall. Surely he can't be +coming here." + +"Oh, yes," said Julian, "that's a compatriot of mine named Hazlet; a +very good fellow, I believe, though rather obtrusive perhaps." + +"Good morning, Home," said Hazlet, in a measured and sanctified tone, as +he entered the room and sat down. + +Kennedy glanced impatiently at the Aeschylus. + +"Ah! I see you're engaged on that heathen poet. It often strikes me, +Home, that we may be wrong after all in spending so much time on these +works of men, who, as Saint Paul tells us, were `wholly given to +idolatry.' I have just come from a most refreshing meeting at--" + +"I say, Home," cut in Kennedy hastily, "shall I go? I suppose you won't +do over any more of the Agamemnon this morning." + +"I don't know," said Julian; "perhaps Hazlet will join us in our +construe." + +"No, I think not," said Hazlet, with a compassionate sigh. "I have +looked at it; but some of it appeared to me so pagan in its sentiments +that I contented myself with praying that I might not be put on. But +you haven't told me what you think about what I was saying." + +"Botheration," said Kennedy; "so your theory is that Christianity was +intended to put an extinguisher over the light of heaven-born genius, +and that the power and passion and wisdom of Aeschylus came from himself +or the devil, and not from God? Surely, without any further argument on +such an absurd proposition, it ought to be sufficient for you that this +kind of learning forms a part of your immediate duty." + +"I find other duties more paramount--now prayer, for instance, and talk +with sound friends." + +"Phew!!!" whistled Kennedy, thoroughly disgusted at language which was +as new to him as it was distasteful; and, to relieve his feelings, he +abandoned the conversation to Julian, and began to turn over the books +on the table. Julian, however, seemed quite disinclined to enter into +the question, and after a pause, Hazlet, gracefully waiving his little +triumph, asked him with a peculiar unction-- + +"And how goes it, my dear Home, with your immortal soul?" + +"My soul!" said Julian carelessly. "Oh! it's all right." + +Hazlet then began to look at Julian's pictures. + +"Ah," he observed with a deep sigh, "I'm sorry to see that you have the +portrait of so unsound, so dangerous a man as Mr Vere." + +"We'll drop that topic, please, Hazlet," said Julian, "as we're not +likely to agree upon it." + +"Have you ever read one word that Mr Vere ever wrote?" asked Kennedy. + +"Well, yes; at least no, not exactly: but still one may judge, you know; +besides, I've seen extracts of his works." + +"Extracts!" answered Kennedy scornfully; "extracts which often attribute +to him the very sentiments which he is opposing. But it isn't worth +arguing with one of your school, who have the dishonesty to condemn +writers whom you are incapable of understanding, on the faith of +extracts which they haven't even read." + +The wrathful purpling of Hazlet's sallow countenance portended an +explosion of orthodox spleen, but Julian gently interposed in time to +save the devoted Kennedy from a few unmeasured anathemas. + +"Hush!" he said, "none of the odium theologicum, please, lest the mighty +shade of Aeschylus smile at you in scorn. Do drop the subject, Hazlet." + +"Very well, if you like, Home; but I must deliver my conscience, you +know. But really, Julian, you are not very Christian in your other +pictures." + +This was too much even for Julian's politeness, and he joined in the +shout of laughter with which Kennedy greeted this appeal. + +"Fools make a mock at sin," said Hazlet austerely. "I trust that you +will both be brought to a better state of mind. Good morning!" + +Kennedy flung himself into an armchair, and after finishing his laugh, +exclaimed, "My dear Home, where did you pick up that intolerable +hypocrite?" + +"Hush, Kennedy, hush! Don't call him a hypocrite. His mode of religion +may be very offensive to us, and yet it may be sincere." + +"Faugh! the idea of asking you, `How's your soul?' It reminds me of a +friend of mine who was suddenly asked by a minister in a train `if he +didn't feel an aching void?' `An aching void? Where?' said Jones, in a +tone of alarm, for he was an unimaginative person. `Within, sir, +within!' said the stranger. Jones felt anxiously to find whether one of +his ribs was accidentally protruding, but finding them all safe, set +down the minister for a lunatic, and moved to the further end of the +carriage." + +Julian smiled; he was more accustomed to this kind of phraseology than +his friend, and knew that outrageous as it was to good taste under the +circumstances, it yet might spring from a sincere and honourable motive, +or at best must be regarded as the natural result of innate vulgarity +and mistaken training. + +"Surely at best," continued Kennedy, "it's a most unwarrantable +impertinence for a fellow like that to want to dabble his ignorant and +coarse hand in the hallowed secrets of the microcosm. Not to one's +nearest and dearest friend, not to one's mother or brother would one +babble promiscuously on such awful themes; and to have the soul's +sublime and eternal emotions, its sacred and unspoken communings, lugged +out into farcical prominence by such conversational cant as that, is to +dry up the very fountain of true religion, and put a premium on the +successful grin of an offensive hypocrisy." + +Kennedy seemed quite agitated, and as usual found relief in striding up +and down the room. His religious feelings were deep and real--none the +less so for being hidden--and Hazlet's language and manner had given him +a rude shock. + +"Another hour in that fellow's company would make me an infidel," he +exclaimed with quivering lip. "Pray for me, indeed, with some of his +`sound and congenial friends.' Faugh! `sound!' how does he dare to +judge whether his superiors are `sound' or not? and why must he borrow a +metaphor from Stilton cheeses when he's talking of religious +convictions." + +"Why really, Kennedy," said Julian, "to see the contempt written in your +face, one would think you were an archangel looking at a black beetle, +as a learned judge once observed. If you won't regard Hazlet as a man +and a brother, at least remember that he's a vertebrate animal." + +But Kennedy was not to be joked out of his indignation, so Julian +continued. "I wish you knew more of Lillyston. At one time, I should +have been nearly as much bothered by Hazlet as you, but Lillyston's +kind, genial good-humour with every one, and the genuine respectful +sympathy which he shows even for things he can least understand, have +made me much happier than I should have been. Now, _he_ might have done +Hazlet some good, whereas your opposition, my dear fellow, will only +make him more rampant than ever. Ah, here Lillyston comes." + +"What an honest open face," said Kennedy. + +"Like the soul which looks through it, _sans peur et sans reproche_," +said Julian warmly. + +"Rather a contrast to the last comer," murmured Kennedy, as he picked up +his cap and gown to walk to the lecture-room. + +"There, don't think of Hazlet any more," said Julian. + + "`He prayeth best who loveth best + All things both great and small, + For the dear God who loveth us, + He made and loveth all.' + +"A capital good motto that; isn't it, Hugh?" + +"I must love Hazlet as one of the very small things, then," said the +incorrigible Kennedy as he left the room with the other two. + +Hazlet was put on to construe during the lecture, and if anything could +have shaken the brazen tower of his self-confidence, it would have been +the egregious display of incapacity which followed; but Hazlet rather +piqued himself on his indifference to the poor blind heathen poets, on +whose names he usually dealt reprobation broadcast. "Like lions that +die of an ass's kick," those wronged great souls lay prostrate before +Hazlet's wrathful heels. + + + +CHAPTER SEVEN. + +THE SCORN OF SCORN. + + "And not a man, for being simply man, + Hath any honour, but honour for those honours + That are without him--as place, riches, favour, + Prizes of accident as oft as merit." + _Shakespeare_. + +Very different in all respects were Julian's rencontres with others of +his old schoolfellows. There were some, indeed, among them who had left +Harton while they were still in low forms, and some whose tastes and +pursuits were so entirely different from his own, that it was hardly +likely that he should maintain any other intercourse with them than such +as was demanded by a slight acquaintance. But of Bruce, at any rate, it +might have been expected that he would see rather more than proved to be +the case. Bruce, as having been head of the school during the period +when Julian was a monitor, had been thrown daily into his company, and, +as inmates of the same house, they had acted together in the thousand +little scenes which diversify the bright and free monotony of a +schoolboy's life. + +But the first fortnight passed by, and Bruce had not called on Julian, +and as they were on different "sides," they had not chanced to meet, +either in lecture-room or elsewhere. Julian, not knowing whether his +position as sizar would make any difference in Bruce's estimation of +him, had naturally left him to take the initiative in calling; while +Bruce, on the other hand, always a little jealous of his brilliant +contemporary, and not too anxious to be familiar with a sizar, pretended +to himself that it was as much Julian's place as his to be first in +calling. Hence it was that, for the first fortnight, the two did not +happen to come across each other. + +Meanwhile Bruce also had made many fresh acquaintances. His reputation +for immense wealth and considerable talent--his dashing easy manner--his +handsome person and elaborate style of dress, attracted notice, and very +soon threw him into the circle of all the young fashionables of Saint +Werner's. His style of life cannot be better described than by saying +that he affected the fine gentleman. Hardly a day had passed during +which he had not been at some large breakfast or wine-party, or formed +one of a select little body of supping aristocrats. He did very little +work, and pretended to do none, (for Bruce was a first-rate specimen of +the never-open-a-book genus), although at unexpected hours he took care +to get up the lecture-room subjects sufficiently well to make a display +when he was put on. Even in this he was unsuccessful, for scholarship +cannot be acquired _per saltum_, and Mr Serjeant, the lecturer on his +side, looked on him with profound contempt as a puppy who was all the +more offensive from pretending to some knowledge. He told him that he +might distinguish himself by hard steady work, but would never do so +without infinitely more pains than he took the trouble to apply. His +quiet and caustic strictures, and the easy sarcasm with which he would +allow Bruce to flourish his way through a passage, and then go through +it himself, pointing out how utterly Bruce had "hopped with airy and +fastidious levity" above all the nicer shades of meaning, and slurred +over his ignorance of a difficulty by some piece of sonorous nonsense, +made him peculiarly the object of the young man's disgust. But though +Mr Serjeant wounded his vanity, the irony of "a musty old don," as +Bruce contemptuously called him, was amply atoned for by the compliments +of the fast young admirers whom Bruce soon gathered round him, and some +of whom were always to be found after hall-time sipping his claret or +lounging in his gorgeous rooms. To them Bruce's genius was +incontestably proved by the faultless evenness with which he parted his +hair behind, the dapperness of his boots, and the merit of his spotless +shirts. + +Sir Rollo Bruce, Vyvyan's father, was a man of no particular family, who +had been knighted on a deputation, and contrived to glitter in the most +splendid circles of London society. His magnificent entertainments, his +exquisite appointments, his apparently fabulous resources, were a +sufficient passport into the saloons of dukes; and, although ostensibly +Sir Rollo had nothing to live on but his salary as the chairman of a +bank, nobody who had the entree of his house cared particularly to +inquire into the sources of his wealth. Vyvyan imitated his father in +his expensive tastes, and cultivated, with vulgar assiduity, the society +of the noblemen at his college. In a short time he knew them all, and +all of them had been at his rooms except a young Lord De Vayne, of whom +we shall hear more hereafter, and whose retiring manners made him shrink +with dislike from Bruce's fawning familiarity. + +The sizars at Saint Werner's do not dine at the same hour as the rest of +the undergraduates, but the hour after, and their dinner consists of the +dishes which have previously figured on the Fellows' table. It seems to +me that the time may come when the authorities of that royal foundation +will see reason to regret so unnecessary an arrangement, the relic of a +long, obsolete, and always undesirable system. Many of Saint Werner's +most distinguished alumni have themselves sat at the sizars' table, and +if any of them were blessed or cursed with sensitive dispositions, they +will not be dead to the justice of these remarks. The sizars are, by +birth and education, invariably, so far as I know, the sons of +gentlemen, and perhaps most often of clergymen whose means prevent them +from bearing unassisted the heavy burden of University expenses. After +a short time many of these sizars become scholars, and eventually a +large number of them win for themselves the honours of a fellowship. +Why put on these young students a gratuitous indignity? Why subject +them to the unpleasant remarks which some are quite coarse enough to +make on the subject? The authorities of Saint Werner's are full of real +courtesy and kindness, and that the arrangement is not intended as an +indignity I am well aware; it is, as I have said, the accidental +fragment of an obsolete period--a period when scholars dined on "a penny +piece of beef," and slept two or three in a room at the foot of the +Fellows' beds. All honour to Saint Werner's; all honour to the great, +and the wise, and the learned, and the noble whom she has sent forth +into all lands; all honour to the bravery and the truthfulness of her +sons; all honour to the profound scholars, and able teachers, and +eloquent orators who preside at her councils; she is a Queen of +colleges, and may wield her sceptre with a strong hand and a proud. But +are there not some among her subjects who are deaf to the sounds of calm +advice?--some who are so blind as to love her faults and prop up her +abuses?--some who daub her walls with the untempered mortar of their +blind prejudice, and treat every one as an enemy who would aid in +removing here and there a bent pillar, and here and there a crumbling +stone? (These words were written some time ago. I trust that since +then all causes of offence, if they ever existed, have long been +forgiven and forgotten.) + +And now let all defenders of present institutions, however bad they may +be--let all violent supporters of their old mumpsimus against any new +sumpsimus whatever, listen to a conversation among some undergraduates. +It may convince them, or it may not--I cannot tell; but I know that it +had a powerful influence on me. + +Bruce was standing in the Butteries, where he had just been joined by +Lord Fitzurse and Sir John D'Acres, who by virtue of their titles-- +certainly not by any other virtue--sat among reverend Professors and +learned Doctors at the high table, far removed from the herd of common +undergraduates. With the three were _Mr_. Boodle and _Mr_. Tulk, (the +"Mister" is given them in the college-lists out of respect for the long +purses which have purchased them, the privilege of fellow-commoners or +ballantiogennaioi), who enjoyed the same enviable distinction and happy +privilege. By the screens were four or five sizars; a few more were +scattered about in the passage waiting, whilst the servants hurriedly +placed the dishes on the table set apart for them; and Julian was +chatting to Lillyston, who chanced at the moment to have been passing +by. + +"Who is that table for?" asked D'Acres, pointing through the open door +of the hall. + +"Oh, that's for the sizars," tittered the feeble-minded Boodle, who +tittered at everything. + +"S-s-sizars!" stammered Lord Fitzurse. "What's that mean? Are they +v-v-very big f-f-fellows?" + +"Ha! ha! ha!" said Bruce. "No; they're sons of gyps and that kind of +thing, who feed on the semese fragments of the high table." + +"They must be g-g-ghouls!" said his lordship, shudderingly. + +"Hush," said D'Acres, who was a thorough gentleman, "some of the sizars +may be here;" and he dropped Bruce's arm. + +"Pooh! they'll feel flattered," said Bruce carelessly, as D'Acres walked +off. + +"Indeed!" said Julian, striding indignantly forward, for the +conversation was so loud that he had heard every word of it. "Flattered +to be the butt for the insolence of puppyism and every fool who is +coarse enough to insult them publicly." + +"Who the d-d-d-deuce are you?" said Lord Fitzurse, "for you're coming it +r-r-rather strong." + +"Who is he?" said Lillyston, breaking in, "your equal, sir, in birth, as +he is your superior in intellect, and in every moral quality. +Gentlemen," he continued, "let me warn you not to have the impertinence +to talk in this way again." + +"Warn us!" said Bruce, trying to hide under bravado his crestfallen +temper; "why, what'll you do if we choose to continue?" + +"Make a few counter-remarks to begin with, Bruce, on parasites and +parvenus, tuft-hunting freshmen, and the tenth transmitters of a foolish +face," retorted Lillyston, glowing with honest indignation. + +"And turn you out of the butteries by the shoulders," said a strong +undergraduate, who had chanced to be a witness of the scene. "A +somewhat boyish proceeding, perhaps, but exactly suited to some +capacities." + +Bruce and his friends, seeing that they were beginning to have the worst +of it, thought it about time to swagger off, and for the future learnt +to confine their remarks to a more exclusive circle. + +There had been another silent spectator of the scene in the person of +Lord De Vayne. He was a young viscount whose estate bordered on the +grounds of Lonstead Abbey, and he had known Julian since both of them +were little boys. He had been entirely educated at home with an +excellent tutor, who had filled his mind with all wise and generous +sentiments; but his widowed mother lived in such complete seclusion that +he had rarely entered the society of any of his own age, and was +consequently timid and bashful. Meeting sometimes with Julian, he had +conceived a warm admiration for his genius and character, and at one +time had earnestly wished to join him at Harton. But his mother was so +distressed at the proposition that he at once abandoned it, while he +eagerly looked forward to the time when he should meet his friend at +Saint Werner's, on the books of which college he had entered his name +partly for this very reason. He had not been an undergraduate many days +before he called on Julian, who had received him indeed very kindly, but +who seemed rather shy of being much in his company for fear of the +remarks which he had not yet learnt entirely to disregard. This was a +great source of vexation to De Vayne, though the reason of it was partly +explained after the remarks which he had just overheard. + +"Home," he whispered, "I wish you'd come into my rooms after hall, I +should so much like to have a talk. Do," he said, as he saw that Julian +hesitated, "I assure you I have felt quite lonely here." + +Accordingly, after hall, Julian strolled into Warwick's Court, and found +his way to Lord De Vayne's rooms. + +"I am so glad to see you, Julian, at last. As I have told you," he +said, with a glistening eye, "I have been very lonely. I have never +left home before, and have made no friend here as yet;" and he heaved a +deep sigh. + +Julian felt his heart full of friendliness for the gentle boy whose +total inexperience made him seem younger than he really was. He glanced +round the rooms; they were richly furnished, but full of memorials of +home, that gave them a melancholy aspect. Over the fireplace was a +water-colour likeness of his lady-mother in her widow's weeds, and on +the opposite side of the room another picture of a beautiful young +child--De Vayne's only brother, who had died in infancy. The +handsomely-bound books on the shelves had been transferred from their +well-known places in the library of Uther Hall, and the regal antlers +which were fastened over the door had once graced the dining-room. +Thousands would have envied Lord De Vayne's position; but he had caught +the shadow of his mother's sadness, his relations were few, at Saint +Werner's as yet he had found none to lean upon, and he felt unhappy and +alone. + +"I was so ashamed, Julian," he said, "so utterly and unspeakably ashamed +to hear the rudeness of these men as we came out of hall. I'm afraid +you must have felt deeply hurt." + +"Yes, for the moment; but I'm sorry that I took even a moment's notice +of it. Why should one be ruffled because others are unfeeling and +impertinent; it is their misfortune, not ours." + +"But why did you come up as a sizar, Julian? Surely with Lonstead Abbey +as your inheritance--" + +"No," said Julian with a smile; "I am lord of my leisure, and no land +beside." + +"Really! I had always looked on you as a future neighbour and helper." + +He was too delicate to make any inquiries on the subject, but while a +bright airy vision rose for an instant before Julian's fancy, and then +died away, his friend said, with ingenuous embarrassment: + +"You know, Home, I am very rich. In truth, I have far more money than I +know what to do with. It only troubles me. I wish--" + +"Oh, dear no!" said Julian hastily; "I got the Newry scholarship, you +know, at Harton, and I really need no assistance whatever." + +"I hope I haven't offended you; how unlucky I am," said De Vayne +blushing. + +"Not a whit, De Vayne; I know your kind heart." + +"Well, do let me see something of you. Won't you come a walk sometimes, +or let me come in of an evening when you're taking tea, and not at +work?" + +"Do," said Julian, and they agreed to meet at his rooms on the following +Sunday evening. + +Sunday at Camford was a happy day for Julian Home. It was a day of +perfect leisure and rest; the time not spent at church or in the society +of others, he generally occupied in taking a longer walk than usual, or +in the luxuries of solemn and quiet thought. But the greatest enjoyment +was to revel freely in books, and devote himself unrestrained to the +gorgeous scenes of poetry, or the passionate pages of eloquent men; on +that day he drank deeply of pure streams that refreshed him for his +weekly work; nor did he forget some hour of commune, in the secrecy of +his chamber and the silence of his heart, with that God and Father in +whom alone he trusted, and to whom alone he looked for deliverance from +difficulty, and guidance under temptation. Of all hours his happiest +and strongest were those in which he was alone--alone except for a +heavenly presence, sitting at the feet of a Friend, and looking face to +face upon himself. + +He had been reading Wordsworth since hall-time, when the ringing of the +chapel-bell summoned him to put on his surplice, and walk quietly down +to chapel. As there was plenty of time, he took a stroll or two across +the court before going in. While doing so, he met De Vayne, and in his +company suddenly found himself vis-a-vis with his old enemy Brogten. + +"Hm!" whispered Brogten to his companion; "the sizars are getting on. A +sizar and a viscount arm-in-arm!" + +Julian only heard enough of this sentence to be aware that it was highly +insolent; and the flush on De Vayne's cheek showed that he too had +caught something of its meaning. + +"Never mind that boor's rudeness," he said. "I feel more than honoured +to be in the sizar's company. How admirably quiet you are, Julian, +under such conduct!" + +"I try to be; not always with success, though," he answered, as his +breast swelled, and his lip quivered with indignation + + "Scorn!--to be scorned by one that I scorn: + Is that a matter to make me fret? + Is that a matter to cause regret? + Stop! let's come into chapel." + +They went into chapel together. De Vayne walked into the noblemen's +seats, and Julian, hot and angry, and with the words, "Scorn!--to be +scorned by one that I scorn," still ringing in his ears, strode up the +whole length of the chapel to the obscure corner set apart--is it not +very needlessly set apart?--for the sizars' use. + +Saint Werner's chapel on a Sunday evening is a moving sight. Five +hundred men in surplices thronging the chapel from end to end--the very +flower of English youth, in manly beauty, in strength, in race, in +courage, in mind--all kneeling side by side, bound together in a common +bond of union by the grand historic associations of that noble place-- +all mingling their voices together with the trebles of the choir and the +thunder-music of the organ. This is a spectacle not often equalled; and +to take a share in it, as one for whose sake in part it has been +established, is a privilege not to be forgotten. The music, the +devotion, the spirit of the place, smoothed the swelling thoughts of +Julian's troubled heart. "Are we not all brethren? Hath not one Father +begotten us?" Such began to be the burden of his thoughts, rather than +the old "Scorn!--to be scorned by one that I scorn." And when the +glorious tones of the anthem ceased, and the calm steady voice of the +chaplain was heard alone, uttering in the sudden hush the grand overture +to the noble prayer-- + +"_O Lord, our heavenly Father, high and mighty, King of Kings, Lord of +Lords, the only Ruler of princes, who dost from thy throne behold all +the dwellers upon earth_." + +Then the last demon of wrath was exorcised, and Julian thought to +himself-- + +"No; from henceforth I scorn no one, and am indifferent alike to the +proud man's scorn and the base man's sneer." + +The two incidents that we have narrated made Julian fear that his +position as a sizar would be one of continual annoyance. He afterwards +gratefully acknowledged that in such a supposition he was quite +mistaken. Never again while he remained a sizar did he hear the +slightest unkind allusions to the circumstance, and but for the external +regulations imposed by the college, he might even have forgotten the +fact. Those regulations, especially the hall arrangements, were indeed +sufficiently disagreeable at times. It could not be pleasant to dine in +a hall which had just been left by hundreds of men, and to make the meal +amid the prospect of slovenly servants employed in the emptying of +wine-glasses and the ligurrition of dishes, sometimes even in passages +of coquetry or noisy civilities, on the interchange of which the +presence of these undergraduates seemed to impose but little check. +These things may be better now, and in spite of them Julian felt hearty +reason to be grateful for the real kindness of the Saint Werner's +authorities. In other respects he found that the fact of his being a +sizar made no sort of difference in his position; he found that the +majority of men either knew or cared nothing about it, and sought his +society on terms of the most unquestioned equality, for the sake of the +pleasure which his company afforded them, and the thoughts which it +enabled them to ventilate or interchange. + + + +CHAPTER EIGHT. + +STUDY AND IDLENESS. + + "Then what golden hours were for us, + While we sate together there! + How the white vests of the chorus + Seemed to wave up a live air. + How the cothurns trod majestic, + Down the deep iambic lines, + And the rolling anapaestic + Curled like vapour over shrines!" + _E Barrett Browning_. + +The incentives which lead young men to work are as various as the +influences which tend to make them idle. One toils on, however +hopelessly, from a sense of duty, from a desire to please his parents, +and satisfy the requirements of the place; another because he has been +well trained into habits of work, and has a notion of educating the +mind; a third because he has set his heart on a fellowship; a fourth, +because he is intensely ambitious, and looks on a good degree as the +stepping-stone to literary or political honours. The fewest perhaps +pursue learning for her own sake, and study out of a simple eagerness to +know what _may_ be known, as the best means of cultivating their +intellectual powers for the attainment of at least a personal solution +of those great problems, the existence of which they have already begun +to realise. But of this rare class was Julian Home. He studied with an +ardour and a passion, before which difficulties vanished, and in +consequence of which, he seemed to progress not the less surely, because +it was with great strides. For the first time in his life, Julian found +himself entirely alone in the great wide realm of literature--alone, to +wander at his own will, almost without a guide. And joyously did that +brave young spirit pursue its way--now resting in some fragrant glen, +and by some fountain mirror, where the boughs which bent over him were +bright with blossom, and rich with fruit--now plunging into some deep +thicket, where at every step he had to push aside the heavy branches and +tangled weeds--and now climbing with toilful progress some steep and +rocky hill, on whose summit, hardly attained, he could rest at last, and +gaze back over perils surmounted, and precipices passed, and mark the +thunder rolling over the valleys, or gaze on kingdoms full of peace and +beauty, slumbering in the broad sunshine beneath his feet. + +Julian read for the sake of knowledge, and because he intensely enjoyed +the great authors, whose thoughts he studied. He had read parts of +Homer, parts of Thucydides, parts of Tacitus, parts of the tragedians, +at school, but now he had it in his power to study a great author +entire, and as a whole. Never before did he fully appreciate the +"thunderous lilt" of Greek epic, the touching and voluptuous tenderness +of Latin elegy, the regal pomp of history, the gorgeous and philosophic +mystery of the old dramatic fables. Never before had he learnt to gaze +on "the bright countenance of truth, in the mild and dewy air of +delightful studies." Those who decry classical education, do so from +inexperience of its real character and value, and can hardly conceive +the sense of strength and freedom which a young and ingenuous intellect +acquires in all literature, and in all thought, by the laborious and +successful endeavour to enter into that noble heritage which has been +left us by the wisdom of bygone generations. Those hours were the +happiest of Julian's life; often would he be beguiled by his studies +into the "wee small" hours of night; and in the grand old company of +eloquent men, and profound philosophers, he would forget everything in +the sense of intellectual advance. Then first he began to understand +Milton's noble exclamation-- + + "How charming is divine philosophy! + Not harsh and rugged as dull fools suppose, + But musical as is Apollo's lute, + And a perpetual feast of nectared sweets, + Where no crude surfeit reigns." + +He studied accurately, yet with appreciation; sometimes the two ways of +study are not combined, and while one man will be content with a cold +and barren estimate of _ge_'s and _pon_'s derived from wading through +the unutterable tedium of interminable German notes, of which the last +always contradicted all the rest; another will content himself with +eviscerating the general meaning of a passage, without any attempt to +feel the finer pulses of emotion, or discriminate the nicer shades of +thought. Eschewing commentators as much as he could, Julian would first +carefully go over a long passage, solely with a view to the clear +comprehension of the author's language, and would then re-read the whole +for the purpose of enjoying and appreciating the thoughts which the +words enshrined; and finally, when he had finished a book or a poem, +would run through it again as a whole, with all the glow and enthusiasm +of a perfect comprehension. + +Sometimes Kennedy, or Owen, or Lord De Vayne, would read with him. This +was always in lighter and easier authors, read chiefly for practice, and +for the sake of the poetry or the story, which lent them their +attraction. It was necessary to pursue in solitude all the severer +paths of study; but he found these evenings, spent at once in society +and yet over books, full both of profit and enjoyment. Lillyston, +although not a first-rate classic, often formed one of the party; Owen +and Julian contributed the requisite scholarship and the accurate +knowledge, while Lillyston and De Vayne would often throw out some +literary illustration or historical parallel, and Kennedy gave life and +brightness to them all, by the flow and sparkle of his gaiety and wit. +But it must be admitted that Kennedy was the least studious element in +the party, and was too often the cause of digressions, and conversations +which led them to abandon altogether the immediate object of their +evening's work. + +Kennedy had a tendency to idleness, which was developed by the freedom +with which he plunged into society of all kinds. His company was so +agreeable, and his bright young face was so happy an addition to all +parties, that he was in a round of constant engagements--breakfast +parties, wines, supper parties, and dinners--that encroached _far_ too +much on the hours of work. At school the perpetual examinations kept +alive an emulous spirit, which counteracted his fondness for mental +vagrancy; but at college the examinations--at least those of any +importance--are few and far between; and he always flattered himself +that he meant soon to make up for lost time, for three years looks an +immense period to a young man at the entrance of his university career. +It was nearly as necessary, (even in a pecuniary point of view), for him +as for Julian to make the best use of his time; for although he was an +only son, he was not destined to inherit a fortune sufficient for his +support. + +"Just look at these cards," he said to Julian one day; "there is not one +of them which hasn't an invitation scribbled on it. These engagements +really leave one no time for work. What a bore it is! How do you +manage to escape them?" + +"Well--first, I haven't such a large acquaintance as you; that makes a +great deal of difference. But, besides, I make a point of leaving +breakfast parties at ten, and wines at chapel-time--so that I really +don't find them any serious hindrance. No hindrance, I mean, in +comparison with the delight and profit of the society itself." + +"I wish I could make the same resolution," said Kennedy; "but the fact +is, I find company so thoroughly amusing, that I'm always tempted to +stay." + +"But why not decline sometimes?" + +"I don't know--it looks uncivil. Here, which of these shall I cut?" he +said, tossing three or four notes and cards to Julian. + +"This for one," said Julian, as he read the first:-- + + "Dear Kennedy--Come to supper and cards at ten. Bruce wants to be + introduced to you. Yours, + + "`C Brogten.'" + +"Yes, I think I shall. I don't like that fellow Brogten, who is always +thrusting himself in my way," said Kennedy. "Heigh ho!" and Kennedy +leant his head on his arm, and fell into a reverie, thinking that after +all his three years at college might be over almost before he was aware +of how much time he lost. + +"I hope you don't play cards much," said Julian. + +"Why? I hear Hazlet has been denouncing them in hall with unctuous +fervour, and I do think it was that which led me to join in a game which +was instantly proposed by some of the men who sat near." + +"I don't say that there's anything diabolical," said Julian, smiling, +"in paint and pasteboard, or that I should have the least objection to +play them myself if I wanted amusement, but I think them--except very +occasionally, and in moderation--a waste of time; and if you play for +money I don't think it does you any good." + +"Well, I've never played for money yet. By the bye, do you know Bruce? +He has the character and manner of a very gentlemanly fellow." + +"Yes, I know him," said Julian, who made a point of holding his tongue +about a man when he had nothing favourable to say. + +"Oh, ay, I forgot; of course; he's a Hartonian. But didn't you think +him gentlemanly?" + +"He has an easy manner, and is accustomed to good society, which is +usually all that is intended by the word," said Julian. + +"I think I must go just this one evening. I like to see a variety of +men; one learns something from it." + +Kennedy went. The supper took place in Brogten's rooms, and the party +then adjourned to Bruce's, where they immediately began a game at whist +for half-a-crown points, and then "unlimited loo." Kennedy was induced +to play "just to see what it was like." As the game proceeded he became +more and more excited; the others were accustomed to the thing, and +concealed their eagerness; but Kennedy, who was younger and more +inexperienced than any of them, threw himself into the game, and drank +heedlessly of the wine that freely circulated. Surely if guardian +spirits attend the footsteps of youth, one angel must have wept that +evening "tears such as angels weep" to see him with his flushed face and +sparkling eyes, eagerly seizing the sums he won, or, with clenched hand +and contracted brow, anxiously awaiting the result of some adverse turn +in the chances of the game. I remember once to have accidentally +entered a scene like this in going to borrow something from a +neighbour's room; and I shall never forget the almost tiger-like +eagerness and haggard anxiety depicted on the countenances of the men +who were playing for sums far too extravagant for an undergraduate's +purse. + +How Kennedy got home he never knew, but next morning he awoke headachy +and feverish, and the first thing he saw on his table was a slip of +paper on which was written, "Kennedy _admonished_ by the senior Dean for +being out after twelve o'clock." The notice annoyed and ashamed him. +He lay in bed till late, was absent from lecture, and got up to an +unrelished breakfast, at which he was disturbed by the entrance of +Bruce, to congratulate him on his winnings of the evening before. + +While Bruce was talking to him, Lillyston also strolled in on his way +from lecture to ask what had kept Kennedy away. He was surprised to see +the pale and weary look on his face, and catching sight of Bruce seated +in the armchair by the fire, he merely made some commonplace remarks and +left the room. But he met Julian in the court, and told him that +Kennedy didn't seem to be well. + +"I'm not surprised," said Julian; "he supped with Brogten, and then went +to play cards with Bruce, and I hear that Bruce's card parties are not +very steady proceedings." + +"Can't we manage to keep him out of that set, Julian? It will be the +ruin of his reading." + +"Ay, and worse, Hugh. But what can one say? It will hardly do to read +homilies to one's fellow undergraduates." + +"You might at least give him a hint." + +"I will. I suppose he'll come and do some Euripides to-night." + +He did come, and when they had read some three hundred lines, and the +rest were separating, he proposed to Julian a turn in the great court. + +The stars were crowding in their bright myriads, and the clear silvery +moonlight bathed the court, except where the hall and chapel flung +fantastic and mysterious shadows across the green smooth-mown lawns of +the quadrangle. The soft light, the cool exhilarating night air were +provocative of thought, and they walked up and down for a time in +silence. + +Many thoughts were evidently working in Kennedy's mind, and they did not +all seem to be bright or beautiful as the thoughts of youth should be. +Julian's brain was busy, too; and as they paced up and down, arm in arm, +the many-coloured images of hope and fancy were flitting thick and fast +across his vision. He was thinking of his own future and of Kennedy's, +whom he was beginning to love as a brother, and for whose moral weakness +he sometimes feared. + +"Julian," said Kennedy, suddenly breaking the silence; "were you ever +seized by an uncontrollable, unaccountable, irresistible presentiment of +coming evil,--a feeling as if a sudden gulf of blackness and horror +yawned before you--a dreadful _something_ haunting you, you knew not +what, but only knew that it was there?" + +"I have had presentiments, certainly; though hardly of the kind you +describe." + +"Well, Julian, I have such a presentiment now, overshadowing me with the +sense of guilt, of which I was never guilty; as though it were the +shadow of some crime committed in a previous state of existence, +forgotten yet unforgotten, incurred yet unavenged." + +"Probably the mere result of a headache this morning, and the night air +now," said Julian, smiling at the energetic description, yet pained by +the intensity of Kennedy's tone of voice. + +"Hush, Julian! I hate all that stupid materialism. Depend upon it, +some evil thing is over me. I wonder whether crimes of the future can +throw their crimson shadow back over the past. My life, thank God, has +been an innocent one, yet now I feel like the guiltiest thing alive." + +"One oughtn't to yield to such feelings, or to be the victim of a heated +imagination, Kennedy. In my own case at least, half the feelings I have +fancied to be presentiments have turned out false in the end-- +presentiments, I mean, which have been suggested, as perhaps this has, +by passing circumstances." + +"God grant this may be false," said Kennedy, "but something makes me +feel uneasy." + +"It will be a lying prophet, if you so determine, Kennedy. The only +enemy who has real power to hurt us is ourselves. Why should you be +agitated by an idle forecast of uncertain calamity? Be brave, and +honest, and pure, and God will be with you." + +"Don't be surprised," continued Julian, "if you've heard me say the same +words before; they were my father's dying bequest to his eldest son." + +"Be brave, and honest, and pure--" repeated Kennedy; "yes, you _must_ be +right, Julian. Look what a glorious sky, and what numberless `patines +of bright gold.'" + +Julian looked up, and at that moment a meteor shot across the heaven, +plunging as though from the galaxy into the darkness, and after the +white and dazzling lustre of the trail had disappeared, seeming to leave +behind the glory of it a deeper gloom. It gave too true a type of many +a young man's destiny. + +Kennedy said nothing, but although it is not the Camford custom to shake +hands, he shook Julian's hand that night with one of those warm and +loving grasps, which are not soon forgotten. And each walked slowly +back to his own room. + + + +CHAPTER NINE. + +THE BOAT-RACE. + + "And caught once more the distant shout, + The measured pulse of racing oars + Between the willows." + _In Memoriam_. + +The banks of "silvery-winding Iscam" were thronged with men; between the +hours of two and four the sculls were to be tried for, and some 800 of +the thousand undergraduates poured out of their colleges by twos and +threes to watch the result from the banks on each side. + +The first and second guns had been fired, and the scullers in their +boats, each some ten yards apart from the other, are anxiously waiting +the firing of the third, which is the signal for starting. That strong +splendid-looking young man, whose arms are bared to the shoulder, and +"the muscles all a-ripple on his back," is almost quivering with anxious +expectation. The very instant the sound of the gun reaches his ear, +those oar-blades will flash like lightning into the water, and "smite +the sounding furrows" with marvellous regularity and speed. He is the +favourite, and there are some heavy bets on his success; Bruce and +Brogten and Lord Fitzurse will be richer or poorer by some twenty pounds +each from the result of this quarter of an hour. + +The three are standing together on the towing-path opposite that little +inn where the river suddenly makes a wide bend, and where, if the rush +of men were not certain to sweep them forward, they might see a very +considerable piece of the race. But directly the signal is given, and +the boats start, everybody will run impetuously at full speed along the +banks to keep up with the boats, and cheer on their own men, and it will +be necessary for our trio to make the best possible use of their legs, +before the living cataract pours down upon them. Indeed, they would not +have been on the towing-path at all, but among the rather questionable +occupants of the grass plot before the inn on the other side of the +river, were it not for their desire to run along with the boats, and +inspirit the rowers on whom they have betted. + +But what is this? A great odious slow-trailing barge looms into sight, +nearly as broad as the river itself, black as the ferrugineous ferryboat +of Charon, and slowly dragged down the stream by two stout cart horses, +beside which a young bargee is plodding along in stolid independence. + +"Hi! hi! you clodhopper there, stop that infernal barge," shouted Bruce +at the top of his voice, knowing that if the barge once passed the +winning posts, the race would be utterly spoilt. + +"St-t-t-topp there, you cl-l-lown, w-w-will you," stuttered Fitzurse +more incoherent than usual, with indignation. + +The young bargee either didn't hear these apostrophes, or didn't choose +to attend to them, when they were urged in that kind of way; and besides +this, as the men were entirely concealed from his view by the curve of +the river, he wasn't aware of the coming race, and therefore saw no +reason to obey such imperious mandates. + +"Confound the grimy idiot; doesn't he hear?" said Bruce, turning red and +pale with excitement as he thought of the money he had at stake, and +remembered that the skiff on which all his hopes lay was first in order, +and would therefore be most likely to suffer by any momentary confusion. +"Come, Brogten, let's stop him somehow before it's too late." + +"Let's cut the scoundrel's ropes," said Brogten between his teeth; and +at once the three darted forward at full speed, at the very instant that +the sharp crack of the final signal-gun was heard. + +It so happened that Julian and Lillyston had started rather late for the +races, and had come up with the barge just as it had first neglected the +summons of Bruce and Fitzurse. + +"Come, bargee," said Lillyston good-humouredly, "out of the way with the +barge as quick as ever you can; there's a boat-race, and you'll spoil +the fun." + +"Oh, it's a race, be it?" said the man, as he instantly helped Lillyston +to back the horses. "If them young jackanapes had only toald me, 'stead +of blusterin' that way--" + +His speech was interrupted by Bruce, who, with his friends, had +instantly sprung at the ropes, and cut them in half a dozen places, +while the great heavy horses, frightened out of their propriety, turned +tail and bolted away at a terrifically heavy trot. + +"You big hulking blackguard," roared Brogten, who had been the first to +use his knife, "why the devil didn't you move when we told you? What +business have louts like you to come blundering up the river, and spoil +our races?" And Fitzurse, confident in superior numbers, gave emphasis +to the question by knocking off the man's cap. + +The bargee was a strongly-built, stupid, healthy-looking young man, of +some twenty-three years old, who, from being slow of passion was all the +more terrible when aroused. Not finding any vent for his anger in +words, he suddenly seized Bruce, (who of the three stood nearest him), +by the collar of his boating jersey, shook him as he might have done a +baby, and almost before he was aware, pitched him into the river. +Instantly swinging round, he gave Lord Fitzurse a butt with his elbow, +which sent his lordship tottering into the ditch on the other side, and +while his wrath was still blazing, received in one eye a blow from +Brogten's strong fist, which for an instant made him reel. + +But it was only for an instant, and then he repaid Brogten with a cuff +which felled him to the ground. Brogten was mad with fury. At that +moment the men were running round the corner, at the bend of the Iscam, +in full career, and hundreds on both sides of the river must have seen +him sprawl before the man's blow. He sprang to his feet, and, blind +with rage, lifted the clasp-knife with which he had cut the ropes. A +second more, and it would have been buried to the handle in the right +arm which, quick as lightning, the bargee raised to shield his face, +when Brogten's arm was seized from behind by Lillyston, who wrested the +knife from him, and pitched it into the river. + +Brogten turned round, still unconscious what he was about. Julian stood +nearest him, and he thought it was Julian who had disarmed him. Old +hatred was suddenly joined to outrageous passion, and clenching his +fist, he struck Julian in the face. Julian started back just in time to +evade the full force of the blow, and fearing a second attack, suddenly +tripped his aggressor as he once more rushed towards him. + +But now the full tide of men had reached the spot; the barge had drifted +helplessly lengthwise across the stream, and an angry circle closed +round the chief actors in the scene we have described, while a hundred +hasty voices demanded what was the row, and what the bargee meant by +"stopping the race in that stupid way?" Meanwhile Bruce, wet and muddy, +was declaiming on one side, and Fitzurse, bruised and dirty, on the +other, was stammering his uncomprehended oaths; while a dozen men were +holding Brogten, who, foiled a second time, and now in a dreadfully +ungovernable passion, was struggling with the men who held him, and +vowing murder against Julian and the bargee. + +It was no time for deliberation, nor are excited, hasty, and +disappointed boys the most impartial of jurors. Julian and Lillyston +were rapidly explaining the true state of the case to the few who were +calm enough to listen; but all that appeared to most of the bystanders +was, that a bargee had spoiled the event of the day, and assaulted two +or three undergraduates. A cry arose to duck the fellow in the muddiest +angle of the Iscam, and twenty hands were laid on his shoulder, to drag +him off to his fate. But a sense of injustice, joined to strength and +passion, are all but irresistible when their opponents are but half in +earnest; and violently exerting his formidable muscles, the man shook +himself free with a determination, agility, and pluck which, by a +visible logic, showed the men how cruel and cowardly it was to punish +him before they knew anything of the rights of the case. Lillyston's +voice, too, began to be loudly heard, and several dons among the crowd +exerted themselves to restore order out of the hubbub. + +There is nothing like a touch of manliness. A feeble, and fussy, and +finicking little proctor, who happened to be on the bank, was pompously +endeavouring to assert his dignity, and make himself attended to. He +was just beginning to get indignant at the laughing contempt with which +his impotent efforts were received, and was asking men for their names +and colleges, in a futile sort of way, when a tall and stately tutor in +the crowd raised his voice above the uproar, and said, "Silence, +gentlemen, if you please, for a moment." He was recognised and +respected, and the men made room for him into the centre of the throng. + +"Now, my man, just tell us what's the matter." The man was beginning to +tell them how wantonly his ropes had been cut, and he himself insulted, +when Bruce broke in, "That's a lie, you beggar; we asked you to move, +and you wouldn't. I'll have you in prison yet, my fine fellow, you'll +see." + +"And if I don't make you pay for they ropes, you young pink-and-white +monkey, my name ain't Jem--that's all." + +"Did anybody see what really took place?" asked the don, cutting short +the altercation. + +"Yes, I did," said Lillyston instantly; "the fellow was civil enough, +and began to back his horses the moment I told him there was a race, +when these gentlemen ran up, abused him, struck him, and cut the ropes." + +"Ay, it's all very fine for you gentlefolk," said the man with bitter +scorn, "to take away a poor man's living for your pleasure. How do you +think I'm to pay for them ropes? Am I to take the bread out of the +children's mouths, let alone being kicked and speered at? Hang you all, +I ain't afeard o' none o' you; come on, the whole lot o' you to one. I +ain't afeard--not I," he said again, glaring round like a bull at bay, +and stripping an arm of iron strength. + +"I never cut your ropes, you brute," said Bruce, between his teeth, +"though you wouldn't move when we asked you civilly." + +"What's _that_, then?" said the man, pointing to a bit of rope two +inches long which Bruce still held dangling in his hand. + +"I'm afraid you forget the facts, Bruce, in your excitement," said +Lillyston, very sternly. + +"Facts or not, I'll have you up for assault," said Bruce affectedly, +wringing the mud out of his wet sleeve. + +"Have me up for assault," mimicked the man, trying to mince his broad +rough accents into Bruce's delicate tones; and he condescended to add no +more, but turned round to catch his horses, which had trotted through +the open gate of a neighbouring field, and were now quietly grazing. + +"I hope, gentleman," said Brogten, bluntly, "that you're not going to +believe that blackguard's word against ours." + +"You forget, sir," said Mr Norton, the tall don, "that what the +blackguard, (as you are pleased to call him), said is confirmed by a +gentleman here." + +"And impugned by three gentlemen," said Bruce, who felt how thoroughly +he was in disgrace. + +"Do you mean to deny, Bruce, that you swore at the man first, and then +cut his ropes, when he was already stopping his barge?" asked Lillyston. + +"I mean to say he wouldn't move when we told him." + +"I appeal to Home," said Lillyston; "didn't the man instantly stop when +he understood why we wanted him to do so?" + +"Yes," said Julian, who, still dizzy with Brogten's blow, was standing a +little apart, "I am bound to say that the man was entirely in the +right." + +"I am inclined to think so," said Mr Norton, with scorn in his eye; and +so saying, he took the little proctor's arm, and strode away, while the +crowd of undergraduates also broke up, and streamed off in twos and +threes. + +"Do you mean to pay that fellow for his rope, Bruce?" asked Lillyston; +"if not, _I do_." + +"Pay!" said Brogten, with an explosion of oaths; "I'll _pay_ you and +your sizar friend there for this, depend upon it." + +"We're not afraid," said Lillyston, quietly. Julian only answered the +threat by a bow, and the two walked off to the bargee, who, in despair +and anger, was knotting together the cut pieces of his rope. + +Lillyston slipped a sovereign into his hand, and told him how sorry he +was for what had happened. + +"Thank you, sir," said the man, humbly; "it's a hard thing for a poor +chap to be treated as I've been; but _you're_ a rale gentleman." + +"Well, do me one favour, then. Promise not to say a word to, or take +any notice of, those three fellows as they pass you." + +The man promised; but there was no need to have done so, for furious as +Brogten was, he and his companions were too crestfallen to take any +notice of the bargee in passing, except by contemptuous looks, which he +returned with interest. On the whole, it struck them that they would +not make a particularly creditable display in hall that evening, and +therefore they partook instead of a sumptuous repast in the rooms of +Lord Fitzurse, who made up for the dirt which they had been eating by +the splendour of his entertainment. + +"I'll be even yet with that fellow Home," muttered Brogten, as they were +parting. + +"He's not w-w-worth it," said the host. "He's one of the g-g-ghouls; +eh, Bruce--ha! ha! ha!" + + + +CHAPTER TEN. + +CONTRASTS. + + "And here was Labour his own bond slave; Hope + That never set the pains against the prize; + Idleness halting with his weary clog, + And poor misguided Shame and witless Fear + And simple Pleasure foraging for Death." + Wordsworth. _The Prelude_. + +Although Julian did not immediately feel, and had not particular reason +to dread, the results of Brogten's displeasure, yet it was very annoying +to be on the same stair-case with him. It was a constant reminder that +there was one person, and he near at hand, who regarded him as an enemy. +For a time, indeed, Brogten tried a few practical jokes on his +neighbour and quondam school-fellow, which gratified for the moment his +desire for revenge. Thus he would empty the little jug of milk which +stood every day before Julian's door into the great earthenware pitcher +of water which was usually to be found in the same position or he would +make a surreptitious entry into his rooms, and amuse himself by +upturning chairs and tables, turning pictures with their faces to the +wall, and doing sometimes considerable damage and mischief. Once +Julian, on preparing to get into bed, found a neat little garden laid +out for his reception, between the sheets--flower-beds and gravel walks, +all complete. This course of petty annoyance he bore, though not +without a great struggle, in dignified and contemptuous silence. He +looked Brogten firmly in the face, whenever they chanced to meet, and +never gave him the triumph of perceiving that his small arts of vexation +had taken the slightest effect. He merely smiled when the hot-headed +Kennedy suggested retaliation, and would not allow Lillyston to try the +effect of remonstrance. It was not long before Brogten became +thoroughly ashamed that his malice should be tried and despised, and he +would have proceeded to more overt acts of hatred had he not been one +day informed by Lillyston that the Hartonians generally had heard of his +proceedings, and that if he continued them he would be universally cut. +For, indeed, such practical jokes as Brogten attempted are now almost +unknown at Camford, and every man's room is considered sacred in his +absence. But although he desisted from this kind of malice, it was not +long before Brogten was generally shunned by his former schoolfellows. +He developed into such a thorough blackguard that, had it not been for +his merits as an oarsman and a cricketer, even the countenance of Bruce +and Lord Fitzurse would have been insufficient to prevent him from being +deserted by all the undergraduates of Saint Werner's, except that small +and wretched class who take refuge from vacuity in the society of cads, +dog-fanciers, and grooms. + +Yet Brogten's Harton education, idle as he had been, sufficed to make +him see that he was sinking lower and lower, not only in the world's +estimation, but in his own. Unable to make the mental effort which the +least approach to study would have required, he suffered his few +intellectual faculties to grow more and more gross and stolid, and spent +his mornings in smoking, drinking beer, or lounging in the rooms of some +one as idle and discontented as himself. It was sad to see the change +which even in his first term came over his face; it was not the change +from boyhood to youth which gave a manlier beauty to the almost feminine +delicacy of Julian's features, but it was a look in which effrontery +supplied the place of self-dependence, and coarseness was the substitute +for strength. Beer in the morning, and brandy in the evening, cards, +and low company, and vice, made him sink into a degradation from which +he was only redeemed by the still lingering ambition to excel in +athletic sports, and by the manly exercises which rescued him for a time +from such dissipation as would have incapacitated him from shining in +the boat or in the field. + +Lillyston was a singular contrast with Brogten; originally they were +about equal in ability, position, and strength. They had entered school +in the same form, and, until Julian came, they had generally been placed +near each other in the quarterly examinations. Both of them were strong +and active, and without being clever or brilliant they were both +possessed of respectable powers of mind. Both of them had been in the +Harton eleven, and now each of them was already in the second boat of +their respective clubs; but with all these similarities Lillyston was +beginning to be one of the men most liked and respected among all the +best sets of his own year, and was reading for honours with a fair +chance of ultimate success, while Brogten was looked on as a low and +stupid fellow, whose company was discreditable, and whose doings were a +disgrace to his old school. + +The two presented much the same contrast as was also visible between +Julian and Bruce. While Julian and Lillyston had mutually influenced +each other for good, while they had been growing up together in warm and +honourable friendship, thinking whatsoever things are pure and true and +of good report, the other two had only fostered each other's vanity, and +rather encouraged than checked each other's failings. At school they +were always exchanging the grossest flattery, and the lessons and +tendencies which each had derived from the other's society were lessons +of weakness and sin alone. And now Bruce was looked on at Saint +Werner's as a vain, empty fellow, living on a reputation for cleverness +which he had never justified,--low, dressy, and extravagant, despised by +the reading men, (whose society he affected to avoid), for his weakness +and want of resolution; by the real athletes for his deficiency in +strength and pluck, and by the aristocrats, (whose rooms he most +frequented), for the ill-concealed obscurity of his father's origin, and +the ill-understood source of his wealth. Since he first astonished the +men of his year by the brilliancy of his entertainments and the +gorgeousness of his rooms, he had steadily declined in general +estimation among all whose regard was most really valuable, and he would +have found few among his immense acquaintance who cared as much for +_him_ as they did for his good dinners and recherche wines. Julian, on +the other hand, who knew far fewer men, could count among his new and +old companions some real friends--friends who would cling to him in +adversity as well as in prosperity, and who loved him for his own sake, +whether his fortunes were in sunshine or in cloud. First among these +newly-acquired friends he counted the names of Owen and Kennedy, among +the old ones of Lillyston and De Vayne. But, besides these, he had been +sought out by all the most distinguished men among the Saint Werner's +undergraduates, while Mr Admer, who improved immensely on acquaintance, +had introduced him to some of the most genial and least exclusive dons. +Even Mr Grayson used to address him with something approaching to +warmth, and so high was his general reputation, that he had no +difficulty in making the acquaintance of every man of his college, whom +he in the least cared to see or know. + +Brogten was one of those who perceived these contrasts, and the bitter +intense malice with which they filled him was one of the evil feelings +which helped to drag him down from following out his occasional +resolutions for better things. + +Strange that a few weeks could produce such differences but so it was. +At the end of those few weeks Bruce went back to take part in his +mother's splendid theatricals and routs, with a consciousness of +neglected opportunities and wasted times even if his conscience laid no +worse sins to his charge. Brogten went back, cursing himself and all +around him, with the violent self-accusations of a reprobate obstinacy, +a man in vice, though hardly more than a boy in years. Kennedy went +back happy on the whole, happy above all in the certainty that he had +made in Julian one noble friend. Lillyston went back happy, +well-pleased with the sense of duty done, and the prime of life well and +innocently enjoyed. And Julian went back in the same train with De +Vayne, happy too, with a mind strengthened and expanded, with knowledge +deepened and widened, with an honourable ambition opening before him, +and friends and a fair position already won. All these results had +sprung from those few and swiftly-gliding weeks. + +The Christmas time passed very pleasantly for the Homes. They had few +relations, and Lady Vinsear had dropped all intercourse with them, but +they were happy in themselves. Violet, too, had the pleasure of forming +an acquaintance with Kennedy's sister Eva, who, with her aunt, happened +to be paying a short visit to a family in the neighbourhood. Frank and +Cyril were at home for their holidays, and the house and garden at +Ildown rang all day long with their merry voices and incessant games. +Old Christmas observances were not yet obsolete in Ildown, and Yule logs +and royal feasts were the order of the day. The bright, clear, frosty +air--the sparkling sea and freshening wind--a lovely country, a united +and cheerful family, and the delights of moderate study, made the weeks +speed by in pure enjoyment. With his mother, his brothers, and Violet, +Julian felt the need of no other society, but he corresponded with +Kennedy and other college friends, and saw a great deal of Lord De +Vayne, who continually rode over to pass the Sunday with them at Ildown, +and sometimes persuaded all the Homes to come and spend the day with him +and his mother in the beautiful but lonely grounds of Other Hall. + +Whenever they accepted the invitation, the young and pensive viscount +seemed another man. He would join in the boys' mirth with the most +joyous alacrity, and talked to Violet with such vivacity that none who +saw him would believe what a shade of melancholy usually hung over his +mind. His life had been spent in seclusion, and he had never yet seen +any to whom his heart turned with such affection as he felt for Julian +and Violet. His mother observed it, and often thought that if she saw +in Violet Home the future Lady De Vayne, a source of happiness was laid +up for her only son, which would fulfil, and more than fulfil, her +fondest prayers. It never occurred to her to think that he would do +better to choose a bride among the noblest and wealthiest houses of +England, rather than in the orphan family of a poor and unknown +clergyman. What she sought for him was goodness and usefulness, not +grandeur or riches; a lonely and sorrowful life had taught her at how +slight a value rank and wealth are to be reckoned in any high or true +estimate of the meaning of human life; nor did it add greatly to her +desire for such a match that Violet, with her bright hair, and soft +eyes, and graceful figure--with her sweet musical voice, and the +rippling silver of her laugh, and the rich imagery which filled her +fancy--might well have fulfilled the ideal of a poet's dream. But +Violet was still very young, and none of Lady De Vayne's hopes had ever +for an instant crossed her mind. + +Julian was at this time, and had been for some months, intensely +occupied with the thought and desire of winning the Clerkland +scholarship, a university scholarship of 60 pounds a year, open to +general competition among all the undergraduates of less than one year's +standing. This scholarship was the favourite success of Camford life. +It stamped at once a man's position as one of the most prominent +scholars of his year, and as the names of many remarkable men were found +in the list of those who had already obtained it, it gave a strong +prestige of future distinction and success. Julian had a peculiar +reason for longing to gain it, because, with his Harton scholarship, it +would not only enable him at once to enter his name as a pensioner, +instead of a sizar, at Saint Werner's, but even make him independent of +all help from his family and guardians. There would have been reasons +sufficient to account for his passionate desire for this particular +distinction, even independently of his natural wish to justify the +general opinion of his abilities, and the eager ambition caused by the +formidable numbers of the other competitors. In short, at this time, to +obtain the Clerkland scholarship was the most prominent personal desire +in Julian's heart, and could some genius have suddenly offered him the +fulfilment of any one wish, this would undoubtedly have been the first +to spring to his lips. He looked with emulation, almost with envy, on +those who had won it before him; he almost knew by heart the list of +Clerkland scholars; and when he returned to Camford, constantly +discussed the chances of success in favour of the different candidates. +Do not blame him; his motives were all high and blameless, although he +at length turned over this thought so often in his mind as to recur to +it with almost selfish iteration, and to regard success in this +particular struggle as the one thing wanting to complete, or even to +create his happiness. + +He could not refrain from mentioning it at home, although, for the sake +of preventing disappointment, he generally avoided dwelling on any of +his school or college struggles. Deprecating his own abilities, it made +him doubly anxious to find that not only did his Saint Werner's +contemporaries regard him as the favourite candidate, and bet upon him +in the sporting circles, (although Brogten furiously took the largest +odds against him), but, what was worse, his own family, always proud of +him, seemed to regard his triumph as certain. Thus circumstanced, and +most fondly avoiding every possibility of causing pain or disappointment +to that thrice-loved circle, of which he regarded himself as the natural +protector and head, he was more than ever determined to do his very +utmost to prevent failure, and give them the lasting pride and pleasure +which they would all receive by seeing his name in the public papers as +Clerkland scholar. + +"Come, Julian, and let's have a row or a sail," said Cyril one morning +to him, as he sat at work. "Frank and I have nothing to do to-day." + +"Not to-day, Cyril, my boy. I really must do some work; you know De +Vayne made me ride with him yesterday, and I've done very little the +last day or two." + +"I wish I liked work as you do, Julian." + +"It isn't only that I like work, (though I do)," said Julian; "but you +know a good deal depends on it." + +"Oh! I know!" said Cyril; "you mean the Clerkland scholarship; but +never mind, Julian, Lord De Vayne told me you were sure of that." + +"Did he?" said Julian, a little anxiously; "then for goodness' sake, +don't believe him. It's very kind of him to say so--but he's quite +mistaken." + +"Ah, you always say so beforehand, you know. You used to say that about +the Harton scholarship, Julian, and yet you see? Do come." + +"Well, I'll come," said Julian, smiling a little sadly. "But, Cyril, +don't, pray, say anything of that kind to mother or to Violet, for if I +should fail it would make me doubly sad." + +Cyril, thanking Julian, and still laughingly prophesying success, ran +out to tell Frank; and, when he had gone, Julian stamped his foot +passionately on the ground, and said half-aloud, "I _will_ get this +Clerkland, I _will_ get it, I _must_ get it." + +He paused a moment, and then, raising his eyes and hands to heaven, +prayed that "God would do for him that which was best for his highest +welfare;" but even as he prayed, he secretly determined that obtaining +the Clerkland scholarship was, and must necessarily be, the best piece +of worldly prosperity that could possibly happen to him. + + + +CHAPTER ELEVEN. + +SCREWED IN. + +Reader, if the latter part of the preceding chapter has been dull to +you, it is because you have never entered into the devouring ambition +which, in a matter of this kind, actuates a young man's heart when he is +aiming at his first grand distinction--an ambition which, if selfishly +encouraged, becomes dangerous both to health and peace, and works +powerfully, perhaps by a merciful provision, to the defeat of its own +darling hope. + +As long as Julian had been at home, a thousand objects helped to divert +his thoughts from their one cherished desire; but when he returned to +Camford, finding the Clerkland a frequent subject of discussion among +the men, even in hall, and constantly meeting others who were as +absorbed in the thought of the approaching examination as himself, he +once more fell into the vortex, and thought comparatively of little +else. + +As yet he had had no means of measuring himself with others, except so +far as the lecture-room enabled him to judge of the abilities of some +few in his own college. Under these circumstances all conjecture must +have seemed to be idle; but somehow or other at Camford, by a sort of +intuition, the exact place a man will ultimately take is often +prophesied from the first with wonderful accuracy. Saint Werner's, +being by far the largest college at Camford, supplied the majority of +the candidates, and Julian, Owen, and Kennedy were all three mentioned +as likely to be first; but the rival ranks of Saint Margaret's boasted +their champions also, and almost every small college nursed some prodigy +of its own, for which it vehemently predicted an easy and indisputable +success. + +Owen was the competitor whom Julian most really feared; educated at +Roslyn, a comparatively small school, his scholarship was not so ready +and polished as that acquired by the training of Marlby and Harton, but, +on the other hand, he had improved greatly in the short time he had been +at Saint Werner's, and besides his sound knowledge he had a +strong-headed common sense, and a clearness and steadiness of purpose, +more valuable than a quick fancy and refined taste. In composition, and +in all the lighter and more graceful requirements of a classical +examination, Julian had an undoubted superiority, but Owen was his +equal, if not his master, in the power of unravelling intricacies and +understanding logic; and, besides this, Owen was a better mathematician, +and, although classics had considerable preponderance, yet one +mathematical paper always formed part of the Clerkland examination. +Kennedy who, if he had properly employed his time, would have been no +mean rival to either of them, had unfortunately been so idle, and +continued to be so gay and idle even for the weeks immediately preceding +the examination, that they all felt his chance to be gone. He +acknowledged the fact himself, with something between a laugh and sigh, +and only threatening to catch them both up in the classical tripos, he +resigned all hope for himself, and threw all his wishes into the scale +of Julian's endeavours. And although Owen was liked and respected, +there was no doubt that Julian was regarded throughout the University as +the popular candidate; the Hartonians especially, who had carried off +the prize for several years, were confident that he would win them +another victory. + +As the time drew near, Julian became more and more feverish with +eagerness, and his friends feared that he would hinder, by over reading, +his real probability of success. Kennedy felt this most strongly, but +being himself engaged in the competition, was afraid that any attempt to +divert Julian's thoughts would not have a disinterested look. Lillyston +and De Vayne, unrestrained by such motives, did all they could to take +him from his books, and amuse him by turning his attention to other +subjects; but with such strong reasons for exertion, and so much +depending on success or failure, the Clerkland scholarship continued +ever the prominent subject of Julian's thoughts. + +At last the long looked for week arrived. After chapel, on the Sunday +morning, De Vayne invited himself to breakfast with Julian, and +continued in his company the greater part of the day, going with him to +the University sermon. He entirely forbade Julian even to allude more +than once to the coming examination, and managed in the evening to get +him to come to his rooms, where, with some other Hartonians and Kennedy, +they spent a very pleasant evening. + +"Good-night," he said to Julian, as he strolled with him to his +stair-case across the starlight court; "don't stay up to-night. In +quietness and confidence shall be your strength." + +The examination was to last a week, and Julian rose for it refreshed and +cheerful on Monday morning. The papers suited him excellently, and his +hopes rose higher and higher as he felt that in each paper he had done +to the utmost of his knowledge and ability. He had not been able to +afford a private tutor during the term, with whom he might have +discussed the papers, but he sent his Iambics and Latin verse to Mr +Carden at Harton, who wrote back a most favourable and encouraging +judgment of them, and seemed to regard Julian's success as certain. +Julian had implicit confidence in his opinion, for Mr Carden entered +very warmly into all his hopes and wishes, and kept up with him an +affectionate correspondence, which had helped him out of many +intellectual difficulties, and lessened the force of many a temptation. + +The papers usually lasted from nine till twelve in the morning, and from +two to four in the afternoon. It was on the Friday morning, when only +three more papers remained, that Julian found Mr Carden's kind and +hopeful letter lying on his breakfast-table at eight o'clock; he read it +with a glow of pleasure, because he knew that he could rely thoroughly +on the accuracy and truth of his old tutor's judgment, and as he read +and re-read it, his hopes rose higher and higher. Finishing breakfast, +he began to build castles in the air, and to imagine to himself the +delight it would be to write and tell the Doctor and Mr Carden of this +new leaf to the Harton laurels. Never before had he a more reasonable +ground for favourable expectation, and he began almost to run over in +his mind the sort of letter he would write, and the kind of things he +would say. Leaning over his window-sill, he enjoyed the cool feeling of +the early spring breeze on his brow and hair, and then, finding by his +watch that it was time to start, he took his cap and gown, and prepared +to sally out to the senate-house. + +It was the custom of the gyp, when he had laid breakfast, and put the +kettle on the fire, to go away and "sport the oak," (_i e_, shut the +outer door), so as to prevent any one from coming into the rooms until +their owner was awake and dressed. Julian therefore was not surprised +to see his door "sported," but was surprised to find that, when he +lifted the latch, the door did not open to his touch. He pushed it with +some force, and then kicked it with his foot to see if some stone or +coal had not caught against it, but the door still remained obstinately +closed; he put his shoulder against it, fancying that some heavy weight +like the coal-box or water-pitcher might have been placed outside,--but +all in vain; the thick door did not even stir, and then there flashed +upon Julian the bitter truth that he had been screwed in. He understood +now the stifled titter which he fancied he had heard after one of his +most violent efforts to get out. + +In one instant, before he had time to think, a fit of blind, passionate, +uncontrollable fury had clouded and overpowered Julian's whole mind. +Almost unconscious of what he was doing, he kicked the door with all his +might, and beat on it savagely with his clenched fists until his +knuckles streamed with blood; he forgot everything but the one burning +determination to get out at all hazards, and to wreak on Brogten, whom +he felt to be the author of his calamity, some desperate and terrible +revenge. But the thick oak door, screwed evidently with much care; and +in many places, resisted all his efforts, and no one came to help him +from outside. The gyp, who was usually about, happened to have gone on +an errand; the stair-case was one of the most secluded in the college; +the Fellow who was Julian's nearest neighbour had "gone down" for a few +days, and it was improbable that any one ever heard him except Brogten, +to whom, he thought, every sound of his angry violence would be perfect +music. + +All was useless, and Julian, as he strode up and down the room, clenched +his hands, and bit his lips in passionate excitement. Suddenly it +struck him that he would escape by the window; but looking out for the +purpose, he found that, when he had jumped on the sloping roof below +him, he was still thirty feet above the ground, which, in that place, +was not the turf of the bowling-green, but a hard gravel road. Giving +up the attempt in despair he sat down, and covered his face with his +hands; but instantly the picture of the senate-house, with the sixty +candidates who were trying for the scholarship, all writing at some new +paper--while he was thus cut off, (as he thought), from the long-desired +accomplishment of all his hopes--rose before his eyes, and springing up +once more he seized the poker, and raising it over his shoulder like a +hammer, brought down the heavy iron knob with a crash on the oaken +panels. He struck again and again, but, by a shower of fierce blows, +could only succeed in covering the door with deep round dents. Finally +he seized the heaviest chair in the room, and dashed it savagely with +one heavy drive against the unyielding oak; a second blow shivered the +chair to splinters, and Julian, a compulsory prisoner at that excited +moment, flung himself on the sofa, furious and weary, with something +that sounded like a fierce imprecation. + +Full twenty minutes had been occupied by his futile and frantic efforts, +and for a few moments longer he sat still in a stupor of grief and rage. +Meanwhile, several of the other competitors for the Clerkland had +noticed his absence in the senate-house, and Owen and Kennedy kept +directing anxious glances to the door, and dreading that he was ill. At +last half an hour had elapsed, and Kennedy, unable any longer to endure +the suspense, went up to the examiner and said-- + +"One of the candidates is absent, sir. Would you allow me to go and +inquire the reason?" + +"Who is it?" asked the examiner. + +"Home, sir." + +"Indeed. But I am afraid I cannot allow you to leave the senate-house; +the rules, you know, on this subject are necessarily very strict." + +"Then, sir, I will merely show up what I have written, for I am sure +there must be some unusual reason for Home's absence." + +"Oh, no, Mr Kennedy, pray don't do so," said the examiner, who knew how +well Kennedy had been doing; "I will send the University marshal to +inquire for Mr Home; it is a very unusual compliment to pay him, but I +think it may be as well to do so." + +It so happened that, as the marshal crossed the court to Julian's rooms, +Lillyston and De Vayne, who were strolling towards the grounds, caught +sight of him, and went with much curiosity to inquire the object of his +errand. + +"Home not in the senate-house," said Lillyston, on hearing the marshal's +answer. "Good heavens, what can be the matter?" and without waiting to +hear more, he darted to Julian's door, and called his name. + +"What do you want?" said Julian in a fretful and angry voice. + +"Why are you sported? And why aren't you in for the Clerkland?" + +"Can't you see, then?" + +"What! So you are screwed in," said Lillyston in deep surprise; "wait +three minutes, Julian, three minutes, and I will let you out." + +He sprang down-stairs, four steps at a time, borrowed a screwdriver at +the porter's lodge, was back in a moment, and then with quick and +skilful hand he drew out, one after another, the screws which had been +driven deep into the door. + +Julian lifted the latch inside, and Lillyston saw with surprise and pain +his scared and wild glance. Julian said not a word, but rushed past his +friend, and burst furiously into Brogten's room. Fortunately Brogten +was not in, for the moment he heard steps approaching, he had purposely +gone out; but Lillyston followed Julian, and said-- + +"Come, this is folly, Julian; you have not a moment to lose. You will +be already nearly an hour late, and remember that the Clerkland may +depend upon it." + +He suffered himself to be led, but as he walked he was still silent, and +seemed as though he were trying to gulp down some hard knot that rose in +his throat. His expression was something totally different from +anything that Lillyston had ever observed in him, even from a boy, and +his feet seemed to waver under him as he walked. + +De Vayne joined them in the court, and was quite startled to see Julian +looking so ill. He saw that it was no time to trouble him with idle +inquiries, and merely pressed him to come into his rooms and take some +wine before going to do the paper. Julian silently complied. The +kind-hearted young viscount took out a bottle of wine, of which Julian +swallowed off a tumblerful, and then, without speaking a word, strode +off to the senate-house, which he reached pale and agitated, attracting, +as he entered, the notice and commiseration of all present. + +The examiner, with a kind word of encouragement, and an inquiry as to +the cause of his delay, which Julian left unanswered, promised to allow +him in the evening as much additional time for doing the paper as he had +already lost. Julian bowed, and walked to his place. + +And now that he was seated, with the paper before him, he found himself +in a condition to do nothing. His mind was in a tumult of wrath and +sorrow. Bitter sorrow that his hopes should be shattered; fiery wrath +that any one should have treated him with such malignant cruelty. His +brain swam giddily, and his head throbbed with violent pain. His hands +were still raw and bleeding with his efforts to burst open the door; and +the consciousness that his whole appearance was wild, and that several +eyes were upon him, unnerved him so completely, that he was quite unable +to collect or control his scattered senses. He made but little +progress. The clock of Saint Mary's told the passing hours, and at +twelve Julian found himself with nothing written except a few +half-finished and incoherent sentences which he was ashamed to show up. +Dashing the nib of his pen on the desk, he split it to pieces; and then, +tearing up his papers, was hurrying out, when the voice of the examiner +suddenly recalled him. + +"You have not shown me up any papers, Mr Home." + +"No, sir," he answered sullenly. + +"Indeed! But why?" + +"I have not done any, sir." + +"Really. I am sorry for that. It is a serious matter, for you have +been doing remarkably well, and--Are you not feeling well?" + +"No, sir, not exactly." + +"Hum! Well, it is a great pity; a _great_ pity; a _very_ great pity. +However--" + +There seemed to be no more to say, and as Julian's mind was in too +turbulent a state to allow of his being communicative, he did not trust +himself to make any remark, and left the room. + +Kennedy, who came up with him as he went out, asked what was the matter; +but as he only answered with an impatient gesture, and evidently seemed +to wish to be alone, Kennedy left him and went to inquire of Lillyston +what had happened, while Julian hastened to the solitude of his own +room, and breaking with his poker one of the outer hinges of his door, +to secure himself from a second imprisonment, flung himself on a chair, +and pressed his hands to his burning forehead. In his bitterness of +soul he half determined to abandon all further attempt to gain the +Clerkland, and dwelt, with galling recurrence, on the anguish of +defeated aims. But the sound of the clock striking the hour of +examination started him into sudden effort, and almost mechanically he +seized his cap and gown, and went out without food and unrefreshed. + +Although he endeavoured, with all his might, to shake off all thought of +the morning's insult and misfortune, he only partially succeeded, and +when he folded up his papers, he felt that the fire and energy which had +shone so conspicuously during the earlier days of the examination, and +had imparted such strength and brilliancy to his efforts, were utterly +extinguished, and had left him wandering and weak. When the time was +over, he went to De Vayne's rooms, and said abruptly-- + +"De Vayne, will you lend me your riding-whip?" + +"Certainly," said De Vayne, starting up to meet him. + +"Are you going to have a ride? I wish you would ride my horse; I'll +hire another, and come with you." + +"No; I don't want a ride." + +"What do you want the whip for, then?" said De Vayne uneasily. + +"Nothing. Let me go; it must be time for you to go to hall." + +"I'm not going to dine in hall to-day," said De Vayne. "Dining at the +high table, with none but dons to talk to, is dull work for an +undergraduate. Stop! you shall dine with me here, Julian. I know you +won't care to go to hall to-day. Nay, you shall," he said, putting his +back against the door; "I shall be as dull as night without you." + +He made Julian stay, for it happened that at that moment his gyp brought +up dinner, and Julian, hungry and weary, was tempted to sit down. De +Vayne, who only too well divined his reason for borrowing the whip, was +delighted at having succeeded in detaining him, for he knew that the +only time when Julian would be likely to meet Brogten was immediately +after hall. + +Wiling away the time with exquisite tact--talking to him without +pressing him to talk much in reply--turning his thoughts to indifferent +subjects, until he had succeeded in arousing his interest--the young +viscount detained his guest till evening, and then persuaded him to have +tea. Lord De Vayne played well on the piano, and knowing Julian's +passion for music, was rewarded for his unselfish efforts by complete +success in rousing his attention. He played some of the finest passages +of a recent and beautiful oratorio, until Julian almost forgot his +troubles, and was ready to talk with more freedom and in a kindlier +mood. + +"You surely won't want the whip now," said De Vayne in some dismay, as +Julian picked it up on saying good-night. + +"Yes, I shall," answered Julian. "Good-night!" + + + +CHAPTER TWELVE. + +A GUST OF THE SOUL. + + "Once more will the wronger, at this last of all. + Dare to say `I did wrong,' rising in his fall?" + Browning. + +The story of Brogten's practical joke, and the circumstances which made +it so unusually disgraceful, spread with lightning-like rapidity through +Saint Werner's College; and when he swaggered into hall with his usual +self-confident air, he was surprised to find himself met with cold and +even with frowning looks. Snatches of conversation which went on around +him soon showed him the reason of the general disapprobation; and when +he learnt how violently the current of popular opinion was beginning to +set against him, and how unfavourable a view was taken of his conduct, +he began seriously to regret that he had given the reins to his malice. + +"I shouldn't wonder now if Home were to lose the Clerkland; he was +_sure_ of it before this morning," said one. + +"What a cursed shame!" echoed another. "I never in my life heard a more +blackguard trick. That fellow Brogten has lost the Hartonians the +scholarship; lucky if he hasn't lost it to Saint Werner's too. Perhaps +that Benedict man will get it." + +"I say, Kennedy," said a third, "if I were you or Lillyston, or any +other of Home's particular friends, I'd duck Brogten." + +"Let's wait till we see whether Home _does_ lose the scholarship first," +said Lillyston. "_If_ he does, Brogten deserves anything; but I have +strong hopes yet." + +"I know Home," said Kennedy, "and he would never forgive such an +interference, or I declare I should be inclined to do it." + +"I should like to see you do it," thundered Brogten, from a farther end +of the table. + +"I have just given my reasons for not seeing fit to do it," said +Kennedy, with a curl of the lip. "By the bye, Mr Brogten," he +continued sarcastically, "I hope that you don't, after this, expect to +be paid any of the _bets_ you have made against Home's getting the +Clerkland?" + +"There's my betting-book," replied Brogten, flinging it at Kennedy, whom +it struck in the face, and who took no further notice of the insult than +to pick up the book, and throw it into the great brazier, full of +glowing charcoal, which stands in the centre of Saint Werner's hall. + +"Don't do that, confound you!" cried Brogten, springing up. "Do you +think there are no bets in it but those about the Clerkland?" + +"Keep your missiles to yourself, then," said Kennedy, while Brogten +burnt his fingers in the vain attempt to rescue his book. + +"I hope you've at least hedged, or behaved as judiciously in the case of +your other bets as in those about the Clerkland," suggested one of his +sporting friends. + +This last sneer and insinuation was too much, and it galled the proud +man to the quick to hear the laugh of scorn which followed it. He +turned round, seized his cap, and flinging at Kennedy a look of intense +and concentrated hatred, left the hall, and rushed up to his rooms. + +To do Brogten justice, he had never intended for a moment to affect +Julian's chance of ultimate success, when he enjoyed the mean +satisfaction of screwing up his door. He had regarded him with indeed +dislike, which received a tinge of deeper intensity from the envy, and +even admiration, with which it was largely mingled. But although he had +calculated that his trick might be more telling and offensive if done at +this particular opportunity, and although he had quite sufficient grudge +against his former school-fellow to wish him a deep annoyance, yet he +would never have dreamed of wilfully thwarting his most cherished aims, +or materially affecting his prospects and position. So vile a malice +would have been intolerable to any one, and the thought of it was +thoroughly intolerable to Brogten, in whom all gleams of honourable +feeling were by no means extinguished, however dormant they might seem. +It had never entered into his thoughts to anticipate the violent +consequences which his act had produced; and when told of Julian's +passion and suffering, he had felt such real remorse that he had even +half intended to wait for him as he went to hall, and there, (in a +quasi-public manner, since some men were sure to be standing about on +the hall steps), to endure the mortification of expressing his regret to +the man whom he had chosen to treat as his enemy. But when he found +himself cut and jeered at--when he was even met by the suggestion that +he had intended basely to serve his own pecuniary interests at Julian's +expense--a method of swindling which he had never for one instant +contemplated--all his softer and better feelings vanished at once, and +created a brutal hardness in his heart, which now once more he was +striving in solitude to mollify or remove. + +And he succeeded so far that, while brooding savagely over the venomous +shafts of sarcasm and ridicule with which Kennedy had wounded him, he +gradually softened his feelings towards Julian, by transferring them in +tenfold virulence against Julian's nearest friend. Home and he had been +school-fellows after all, and Julian had never done him any wrong; on +the contrary, he liked the boy; he remembered distinctly how the first +seeds of ill-will against him had been sown, by the reserve with which +Julian, as a school-fellow, had received his advances. Without being +rude and uncivil, he had yet managed to hold aloof from him, and as +Brogten was in some repute at Harton, when Home came, and was moreover +an Hartonian of much longer standing, his sensitive pride had been stung +by the fact that the "new fellow," whose pleasant face and manners had +attracted his notice, did not at once and gratefully embrace his +proffered friendship. Circumstances had tended to widen the breach +between them, but secretly he liked Home still, and would have gladly +been his friend. "And, after all," he thought, "Home has never once +retaliated any injury which I have undoubtedly done him; he has never +done me any harm. Even in the affair at the boats, he only did what was +quite justifiable, and I was far more in the wrong than he was when I +struck him. And now they all say I shall have prevented him from +getting this confounded Clerkland. And I know how he longed for it, and +how much all his hopes and wishes were fixed upon it. Upon my word, +when I come to think of it, it was a very blackguard thing of me to do, +and I wish I had been at the bottom of the sea before I did it. I +think--yes--I think I'll go and see Home, and ask his pardon; yes, upon +my word I need his forgiveness, and would give a good deal to get it. +He's a grand fellow after all. I wish he'd take me as a friend. I +should be infinitely better for it; and I _will_ be better, too." And +as he thus reasoned with himself, Brogten began to yearn for better +things, and for Julian's friendship as a means of helping him to higher +aims; and he remembered the lines-- + + "I would we were boys as of old, + In the field, by the fold; + His outrage. God's patience, man's scorn, + Were so easily borne." + +So his thoughts ran on, but when it occurred to him that no such +humiliation on his part would perhaps go very far to mend the general +disgust with which he had been greeted, he began to waver again. "What +business had they to assume that I meant the worst? I may be a bad +fellow, but," (and a mental oath followed), "I'm not a black-leg after +all. That fellow Kennedy--curse him!--I'll be even with him yet. I +swear that he shall rue it. I'll be a very fiend in the vengeance I +take--curse him, curse him!" And stamping his heel furiously on the +floor, he swallowed some raw brandy, and began to pace up and down his +room. + +The conflict of his thoughts lasted, almost without intermission, till +evening. Finally, however, his heart softened towards Julian, as he ran +over in his mind all the circumstances of the day. Cheating his +conscience with the fancy that he was conquering his feelings of revenge +and hate, while he was only displacing them with others of a deeper dye, +he at last determined to go up at once to Julian's room, ask his pardon +openly, honestly, and unreservedly, confess his past unworthy malice, +and obtain, if possible, at least, Julian's forgiveness, perhaps even +his friendship, in return for so great a victory over himself. + +It _was_ a victory over himself, and no slight one. For at least five +years he had been nursing into dislike an inward feeling of respect for +his enemy, and now to humble himself so completely before him, required +a struggle of which he had hardly supposed himself capable, and of which +he was secretly a little proud. It inspired him with better hopes for +the future, and gave him a pledge of combating successfully other +vicious propensities which had gained an ascendency over him. + +Hesitatingly he went up to Julian's rooms; he saw the broken door, and +it made him waver. All was silence inside, but still he hoped that +Julian was in, because he felt sure that he should never persuade his +natural pride to consent to such a sacrifice again. But yet, _what +should he say_? He had been thinking of a thousand set forms of +apology, but they all vanished, as, with beating heart, he knocked, a +little loudly, at the door. + +Julian, too, had been brooding on the events of the day, and fanning +every now and then into fierce bursts of flame the dying embers of his +morning's indignation. He took the worst view, and had every reason to +take the worst view, of Brogten's intentions. He had received at his +hands many wrongs, and an incivility as unvarying as it was undeserved. +Of course he could not tell that this rudeness was but the cover of a +real desire for cordiality between them, and now he fully believed that +Brogten had intentionally, deliberately, and with malice prepense, +formed a deep laid scheme to dash from his lips the cup of happiness as +he was in the very act of tasting it. The success which had seemed in +his very grasp would have removed the poverty, which had been one of the +severest trials, not to himself only, but to those whom he most dearly +loved; it was the thing--the _one_ thing--of which he had thought, and +for which he had prayed. "And now it was wrenched from him," so he +thought, "by this mean and dastardly villain." + +He had determined to horse-whip Brogten, at all hazards, though he knew +that Brogten was far stronger than himself. De Vayne's manoeuvre had +disconcerted his intention, for he could not carry it out in cold blood; +but even now he felt by no means sure that he was right to take +passively an insult which, if unresented, might, he thought, be +repeated, some other time, and which, if frequently repeated would +render college life wholly intolerable. All this was floating through +his mind, when there came a loud--he took it for an insolent--knock at +the door, and his enemy stood before him. + +His enemy stood before him, humbled and remorseful, with the words of +apology on his lips, and his heart full of such emotions as might have +enabled Julian to convert him from an enemy into a lasting and grateful +friend. But when he saw him, in one instant furious, unreasoning, +headlong anger had again seized Julian's mind--the more easily because +he had already yielded to it once. Without stopping to hear a word-- +without catching the gentler tone of Brogten's rough voice--without +noticing his downcast expression of countenance--Julian sprang up, +assumed that Brogten had come to ridicule or even insult him, glared at +him, clenched his teeth, and then seizing De Vayne's riding-whip, laid +it without mercy about Brogten's shoulders. + +During the first few blows, Brogten was disarmed by intense surprise. +Of all receptions, this was the only one which it had never occurred to +him to contemplate. He had imagined Julian bitter, sarcastic, cold; he +had prepared himself for a torrent of passionate and overwhelming +invective; he had thought how to behave if Julian remained silent, or +rejected with simple contempt his stammered apology; but to be +horse-whipped by one so much weaker than himself--by one whom he +remembered to have pitied and patronised when he came to Harton, a +delicate rosy-cheeked boy--this he had certainly never thought of. +Julian had almost expended his rage in half a dozen wild blows before +Brogten was startled from his surprise into a consciousness of his +position. + +But when he did realise it all the demon took possession of his heart. +He seized Julian by the collar, wrenched the whip out of his hand, and +raised the silver knob at the end of the handle. What fearful hurt +Julian might have received from so heavy a weapon in so powerful a hand, +or how far Brogten's fury might have transported him, none can tell; but +at that very moment he heard a step on the stairs, which arrested his +violence, and the moment after Lillyston entered. + +"What!" said Lillyston indignantly, as he caught the almost diabolical +expression of Brogten's face. "Not content with doing your best to ruin +Home, you are using personal violence to one not so strong as yourself. +Come, sir, you have felt what I can do before. Drop that whip, or take +the consequences." + +"Stop, Hugh," said Julian sullenly; "I horse-whipped him first." + +"You!" said Lillyston. + +"Yes," answered Brogten slowly, while his voice shook with passion; +"yes, he did horse-whip me, and I took it. Note that, you Lillyston, +and don't think I'm afraid of _you_. And as for you, Home, listen to +me. I came here solely to tell you that though I screwed you in, I +never dreamt that such results would follow. I never dreamt--so help +me, God!--of doing more than causing you ten minutes' annoyance; and +now, when I was told how it had hindered you in the examination, I was +heartily sorry and ashamed of what I had done, and,"--he began to speak +lower and faster, as the remembrance of a better mood came over +him--"and I came here, Home, to ask your forgiveness. _Yes; I to beg +pardon of you, and humbly and honestly too_. And now you see how you +have received me. Yes," he continued fiercely; "no word between us from +henceforth. You have horse-whipped me, sir, and I, who never took a +blow from man yet without returning it, have taken your horse-whipping. +Take your whip," he said, flinging it to the end of the room; "and after +that never dare to say that all accounts are not squared between us." + +Lillyston made room for him to pass. With a lowering countenance he +turned from them, and they continued silent till they had heard his last +heavy footfall as he went down the echoing stairs. + +Lillyston sat on the sofa, and Julian kept his eyes fixed on the floor. +There seemed nothing to talk about, so Lillyston merely said, +"Good-night, Julian. I came to advise you to go to bed early, and so +get a good night's rest, that you may be _yourself_ to-morrow. You have +not been yourself to-day. Good-night." + +But a worse evil had happened to Julian that day than hindrance in his +career of ambition and hope. He had lost a golden opportunity for an +act of Christian forgiveness which might have had the noblest influence +on the life of an erring human soul. He had lost a golden opportunity +of doing lasting good, and that, too, to one who hated him. Alas, it is +too seldom that we have power in life to raise up them that fall! +Julian felt bitterly, he felt even with poignancy, Brogten's closing +words; but it was too late now to offer the forgiveness which would have +been invaluable to his persecutor, and would have had a healing effect +on his own troubled thoughts so short a time before. All this gave +deeper vexation to Julian's heart as he went moodily to bed. + +And Brogten? He sat sullenly over his fire till the last spark died +from its ashes, and his lamp flickered out, and he shivered with cold. +"It is of no use to conquer myself," he thought; "it is of no use to do +better or be better if this comes of it. Horse-whipped, and by him!" +But, as he had said, he no longer grieved over Julian's injury. _That_ +was wiped off by the horse-whipping, and he had now made himself +understand that his inward respect for Home was deeper than the long +superficial quarrel that had existed between them. It was against +Kennedy that the current of his anger now swept this ever-growing +temptation for revenge. His craving, often yielded to, became terrible +in its virulence, and from this day forward there was in Brogten's +character a marked change for the worse. He ever watched for his +opportunity, certain that it would come in time; and this encouragement +of one bad passion opened the floodgates for a hundred more. And so on +this evening he went on selling himself more and more completely to the +devil, till the anger within him burned with a red heat, and as he went +to bed the last words he muttered to himself were, "That fellow Kennedy +shall rue it; curse him, he shall rue it to his dying day." + + + +CHAPTER THIRTEEN. + +THE CLERKLAND SCHOLARSHIP. + +How different our smaller trials look, when they are seen from the +distance of a quiet and refreshful rest. Utterly wearied, Julian slept +deeply, and when the servant awoke him next morning, he determined that +as the errors of yesterday were irreparable, he would at least save the +chances of to-day. + +He rose at once, and read during breakfast the letter from home, which +came to him from one of his family nearly every day. This morning it +was from Violet, and he could see well how anxiously they were awaiting +the result of his present examination, and yet how sure they were that +he would succeed. Unwilling to trouble them by the painful +circumstances of the day before, he determined not to write home again +until the decision was made known. + +This morning's paper was to be the last, and Julian applied to it the +utmost vigour of his powers. After the first few moments, he had +utterly banished every sorrowful reflection, and when the clock struck +twelve, he felt that once more he had done himself justice. He answered +with a smiling assent, the examiner's expressed hope, that his health +was better than it had been the day before, and joining Owen as he left +the senate-house, found, on comparing notes, that he had done the paper +at least as well as his dreaded but friendly rival. + +His spirits rose, and his hopes revived in full. Shaking off +examination reminiscences, he proposed to De Vayne, Kennedy, and +Lillyston a bathe in the Iscam, and then a long run across the country. +They started at once, laughing and talking incessantly on every subject, +except the Clerkland, which was tabooed. Ten minutes' run brought them +to a green bend of the Iscam, where a bathing-shed had been built, and +after enjoying the bathe as only the first bathe in a season can be +enjoyed, they struck off over the fields towards some neighbouring +villages, which De Vayne had often wanted to visit, because their old +churches contained some quaint specimens of early architecture. On the +way they passed through Barton Wood, and there found some fine specimens +of herb Paris, with large bright purple berries resting on its topmost +trifoliations, one of which Julian eagerly seized, saying that his +sister had long wanted one for her collection of dried plants. + +"I suppose you want the one you have gathered, De Vayne, for some +botanist," said Lillyston. + +"No--yes--at least I meant it for a lady, too; but it's of no use now," +he said stammering. + +"For a lady--of no use _now_," said Kennedy laughing; "what do you +mean?" + +"Oh, never mind," said Julian, as he noticed De Vayne's blush, and +divined that he had meant the plant for Violet, but without knowing how +much he was vexed by losing the opportunity of doing something for her. + +They had a beautiful walk; De Vayne made little sketches of the windows +and gargoyles of the village churches, and they all returned in the +evening to a dinner which Lillyston had ordered in his own rooms, and +which gave the rest an agreeable surprise when they got in. + +"Julian," whispered De Vayne as they went away, "would you mind my +sending that herb Paris to Vi--I beg pardon, to Miss Home, to your +sister." + +"Oh dear, yes, if you like," said Julian carelessly, surprised at the +earnestness of his manner about such a trifle. + +"It's only, you know, because Miss Home had heard that they were to be +found near Camford, and asked me to get her one for her herbarium." + +"Oh, very well, send it by all means. I shouldn't like you to break a +promise." + +"Thank you," said De Vayne; "and I suppose that Miss Home wouldn't mind +my sending it in a letter." + +"Certainly not," said Julian, laughing; "I've no doubt she'll be highly +flattered. Here's the plant. Good-night." + +"What could he have meant," thought he, "by making such a fuss about the +trifolium, and by blushing so when Kennedy chaffed him? He surely can't +have fallen in love with my dear little Vi." Now he thought of it, many +indications seemed to show that such was really the case, and Julian +contemplated the thought with singular pleasure. It did him good by +diverting his attention from all harassing topics, and knowing that +Violet was well worthy of Lord De Vayne, and could make him truly happy, +while his high character and cultivated intellect rendered him well +suited for her, he hoped in his secret heart that some day might see +them united. + +But Lord De Vayne, full of delight, took the plant, dressed it +carefully, cut it to the size of an envelope, and then with a thrill of +exquisite emotion sat down to write his letter to Violet Home. + +"Dear Violet," he wrote, after having chosen a good sheet of note-paper +and a first-rate pen, "you remember that I promised to find you a--" + +"Dear Violet--no, that won't quite do," he said, as he read over what he +had written, "at least not yet. How pretty it looks! What a charming +name it is! I wish I might leave it, it does look so happy. I wonder +whether it would do to call her Violet? No, I suppose not; at least not +yet--not yet!" and the young viscount let his fancy wander away to Other +Hall, and there by the grand old fireplace in the drawing-room he placed +in imagination a slight graceful figure with soft fair hair, and a smile +that lighted up an angel face,--and by her side he sat down, and let his +thoughts wander through a vista of golden years. + +Waking from his reverie, he found that his letter would be too late for +the post, so he deferred it till Monday, and then wrote-- + + "Dear Miss Home--I enclose you a specimen of the herb Paris, which I + promised to procure for you, if I could find one in Barton Wood. + Julian was the actual discoverer, but has kindly allowed me to send it + in fulfilment of my promise; he is quite well, and we are all hoping + that you may hear in a day or two that he has got the Clerkland + scholarship. With kindest remembrances to Mrs Home and your + brothers, I remain, dear Miss Home, very truly yours, De Vayne." + +Little did Violet dream that this commonplace note had given its author +such deep pleasure, and that before he despatched it he had kissed it a +thousand times for her sake, and because it was destined for her hand. + +De Vayne would not have added the allusion to the Clerkland, but that +rumours were already gaining ground in Julian's favour. The universal +brilliancy of his earlier papers had already attracted considerable +attention, and from mysterious hints at the high table, De Vayne began +to gather almost with certainty that Julian was the successful +candidate. Similar reports from various quarters were rife among the +undergraduates, and were supposed to be traceable to competent +authorities. + +Wednesday evening came, and next morning the result was to be made +known. As certainty approached, and suspense was nearly terminated, +Julian awaited his fate with sickening, almost with trembling anxiety. +At nine o'clock he knew that the paper on which was written the name of +the Clerkland scholar would be affixed to the senate-house door, but he +did not venture to go and read it. He knew that, if he were successful, +a hundred men would be eager to rush up to his rooms with the joyful +intelligence; if unsuccessful, he still trusted that he had one or two +friends sufficiently sincere to put an end to his painful anxiety by +telling him the news. + +Nine o'clock struck. Oh, for the sound of some footstep on the stairs! +Many must know the result by this time. Julian's hopes were still high, +and he could not fail to hear of the numerous and seemingly +authoritative reports which had ascribed success to him. He pressed his +hands hard together, as he prayed that what was most for his welfare +might be granted to him, and thought what boundless delight success +would bring with it. What a joy it would be, above all, to write home, +and gladden their hearts by the news of his triumph. + +Every moment his suspense made him more feverish, and now the clock +struck a quarter past nine, and he feared that in this case no news must +be bad news. He leaned out of the window, and at this moment Mr +Grayson strolled across the bowling-green. Then he heard another don, +who was following him, call out-- + +"I say, do you know that the Clerkland is out?" + +"Is it?" said Mr Grayson, with unusual show of interest. + +"Yes. Who do you think has got it?" + +"A Saint Werner's man, I hope." + +"Yes." + +"Well, who is it?" + +What was the answer--Owen or Home?--at that distance the names sounded +_exactly alike_. + +"Oh, then, I am very sorry for--" Again Julian _could_ not, with his +utmost effort, catch the name with certainty; and, unable any longer to +endure this state of doubt, he seized his cap and gown, when the sound +of a slow footstep stopped him. + +But it was Brogten's step, and Julian heard him pass into his own room. + +A moment of breathless silence, and then another step, or rather the +steps of two men; he detected by the sound that they were Lillyston and +De Vayne. In one moment he would know the--Was it the best or the +worst? He stood with his hand on the handle of the door; but it seemed +as if they would never get to the top of the stairs. Why on earth were +they so slow? + +"Well," said Julian, as they came in sight, "is the Clerkland out?" He +knew it was, but would not ask them the result. + +"Yes," they both said; and Lillyston added, in a sorrowful tone of +voice, "I am sorry for you, Julian, but Owen has got it." + +Julian grew very pale, and for one second reeled as if he would faint. +Lord De Vayne caught him as he staggered, and added eagerly, "But you +are most honourably mentioned, Julian, `proxime accessit,' and an +allusion to your illness during one paper." + +"Nothing, nothing," muttered Julian; "please leave me by myself." They +were unwilling to leave him, and both lingered, but he entreated them to +go, and respecting his desire for solitude they left him alone. + +Julian found relief in a burst of passionate tears. He flung himself on +the ground and cursed his birth, and his hard fate, and above all he +cursed Brogten, who, as was clear, had been the cause, the sole cause, +as Julian obstinately said, of his heavy misfortune. "Here I am," he +murmured, "a sizar, an orphan, poor, without relations, with others +depending on me, with my own way to make in the world, and now he has +lost me the one thing I longed for, the one thing which would have made +me happy," and as Julian kept brooding on this, on the loss of +reputation, of help, of hope, his eyes grew red and swollen, and his +temples throbbed with pain. He was far from strong, and the shock of +news that shattered all his hopes, and dashed rudely to the ground his +long, long cherished desires, came more heavily upon him, because his +constitution, naturally delicate, had suffered much during the last week +from study and over anxiety. The necessity of writing home haunted +him,--to his mother and sister, whose pride in him was so great, and who +hoped so much for the honours which they thought him so sure to win,--to +his brothers who had seen his diligence, and who would be deeply sorry +to know that it had been in vain; to them at least he would be forced to +announce the humiliating intelligence of defeat. He might leave his +other friends to learn it from accidental sources, but oh, the +bitterness of being obliged to announce it for himself, to those to +whose disappointment he was most painfully alive, and oh, the +intolerable plague of receiving letters of commiseration. + +He could not do anything, he could not read, or write, or even think, +except of the one blow which had thus laid him prostrate. He leaned +over his window-sill, and stared stupidly at the great stone bears +carved on the portals of Saint Margaret's; his eyes wandered listlessly +over the smooth turf of the Fellows' bowling-green, and the trim +parterres full of crocus and anemone and violet which fringed it; he +watched the boats skim past him on the winding gleams of the Iscam, and +shoot among the water-lilies by the bridge and then he stared upwards at +the sun, trying to think of nothing until his eyes watered, and then the +sight of a don in the garden below made him shrink back, to avoid +observation, into his own room. + +Some of the Saint Werner's men would be coming soon to condole with him. +What a nuisance it would be! He got up and sported the door. This +action recalled in all their intensity his bitterest and angriest +feelings, and he flung the door open again, and threw himself full +length on the sofa, until a sort of painful stupor came over him, and he +became unconscious of how the time went by. + +At length a slight sound awoke him, and he saw De Vayne standing by him. +De Vayne was so gentle in heart and manner, so full of sympathy and +kindness, that of all others he was the one whom at that moment Julian +could best endure to see. + +"I am afraid," he said, "that you will think me very foolish, De Vayne. +But to me everything almost depended on this scholarship, and you can +hardly tell how absolutely it had engrossed my hopes." + +"It is very natural that you should feel it, Julian. But I came to ask +if you would like me to save you the trouble of writing home to-day. I +could say more, you know, than you could," he added with a pleasant +smile, "of the splendid manner in which you acquitted yourself, of which +I have heard a great deal that I will tell you some day." + +"Thanks, De Vayne. I should be really and truly grateful if you would. +They will expect to hear by to-morrow, and I know that if I write now, I +shall be saying something bitter and hasty." + +"Very well, I will. Are you inclined for a stroll now?" + +"No, thank you," said Julian, unwilling to encounter the many eyes which +he knew would look on him with curiosity to see how he bore his loss. + +"Good morning then; I shall come again soon." + +"Do, I shall like to see _you_," said Julian; and De Vayne went away, +thinking with some happiness, that if he had won Julian's affection, +that would be something towards helping him to win Violet's too. + +Julian had no intention that any strange eye should see how much he had +felt his disappointment, so when Mr Admer came to see him, he gave no +sign of vexation, and they talked indifferently for a few minutes, till +Mr Admer said-- + +"Well, Home, I'm sorry you haven't got this scholarship. Not that it +makes the least difference, you know, really. No sensible man would +have thought one atom the better of you for getting it, and even your +reputation stands just as high as before. + +"Ah, I see you take it to heart rather; all very natural, but when +you're my age you'll think less of these things. There are higher +successes in the world than these small University affairs." + +"But they aren't small to me," said Julian. "Not to men up here," said +Mr Admer. + + "`They think the rustic cackle of their body + The murmur of the world.'" + +"Perhaps, after all, if you had got it, it would only have helped to +make you as fussy, as foolish, and as self-important as Jones, and +Brown, and Robinson, who, because they are dons, think themselves the +most important people in England, when really they are only conspicuous +for empty-headedness and conceit; or as the senior Wrangler, who +entering the theatre at the same moment as the queen, bowed graciously +on all sides in acknowledgment of the acclamations. As it is, Home, you +are a man who ought to do something in the world." + +Julian could not help smiling at Mr Admer's usual style, and would have +found some relief in arguing with him, had not Hazlet entered, whose +very appearance put Mr Admer to a precipitate flight. There could not +have been any human being less likely to give Julian any effectual +consolation at such a moment, and he could not help sighing as Mr Admer +left him to his persecutor. + +"Fugit improbus ac me sub cultro linquit," he said appealingly, secure +in Hazlet's ignorance of the Latin tongue; but Mr Admer only shook his +head significantly, and disappeared. + +With his black shining hair brushed down in unusual lankiness over his +receding forehead, and with an expression of sleek resignation unusually +sanctimonious, Hazlet sat down, and gave a half groan. + +"I am sorry," he said, "dear Julian--" + +"Home, if you please, Hazlet," interrupted Julian. + +Hazlet was a little taken aback, but he said-- + +"Well, dear Home--" + +"Home _only_, if you please," said Julian still more abruptly. + +"Ah! I see you are in a rebellious--excuse me, dear--I mean Home,--a +rebellious spirit. I feared it would be so when I saw that godless +young clergyman with you." + +Julian relieved his disgust by an expression of impatience. + +"I have no doubt, dear Ju--, I mean Home--I have no doubt," he +continued, with a gusto infinitely annoying, "that you needed this rod. +I am afraid that you are as yet unconverted; that you have as yet no +saving, no vital sense of Christianity. Some sin, perhaps, needs +correction; some--" + +"Confound your intolerable impudence and cant!" said Julian, starting +from his seat, aroused by his hypocritical prate into unwonted +intolerance; and he suddenly observed, by the cowering attitude which +Hazlet assumed, that the worthy youth was afraid of receiving at his +head the water-bottle, on which Julian's hand was resting. Julian +thought it best to avoid the temptation, and hoping Hazlet would take +the hint, he said, "Forgive my rudeness, Hazlet, but I am very tired and +annoyed just now; in fact, I am hardly in a condition to talk with, as +you see, and you are really _quite_ incapable of saying anything to help +me." + +But Hazlet had come prepared to say his say, and did not attempt to +move. + +"Ah," he said, with a sigh which seemed to express satisfaction--(some +people always sigh when they thank God)--"I am afraid you are unprepared +for the consolations of religion." + +"Of such a religion as yours, most certainly," interrupted Julian, with +haughty vehemence. + +"The natural man, you see--" He stopped as he saw Julian's hand +fidgeting towards the water-bottle. "Ah! well, you will have still to +sit at the sizars' table, and dine on the Fellows' leavings; perhaps it +might inscrutably be good for you to bear the yoke--" + +Had the fellow come to insult him? Was he there on purpose to gratify +his malice at another's misfortune, under the pretext of pious +reflections? Half-a-dozen times Julian had thought so, and thought so +correctly. Hazlet's very little and very ignorant mind had been fed +into self-complacency by the cheering belief that he and his friends +formed a select party whose future welfare was secure, while "the world" +was very wicked, and destined to everlasting burning; and in proportion +to his gross conceit, was he nettled with the evident manner in which +Julian, though without any rudeness, avoided his company even at Ildown, +where he reigned with undisputed sway among his own admiring circle of +_gynaikazia_. (Excuse the word, gentle reader; it is Saint Paul's--not +mine.) Hazlet had come there, though in the depth of his hypocrisy he +hardly knew it himself, to enjoy a little triumph over Julian's pride, +and to pour a little vinegar, in the guise of a good Samaritan, on +wounds which he knew to be bleeding still. + +In saying the last sentence, in which he cut Julian to the very quick, +Hazlet had seemed to his victim's excited imagination to be actually +smacking his lips with undisguised delight. "Ah, you will have still to +dine at the sizars' table on the Fellows' leavings." Julian knew that +the form of the sentence made it most maliciously and odiously false;-- +and that this hypocritical son of Belial should address him at such a +moment in such a way was so revolting to his own generous spirit, that +he could endure it no longer. + +"What did you say?" he asked sharply. + +"Of course, my dear Ju--, Home, I mean--poverty is no disgrace to you, +you know. Some of the sizars are pious men, I have no doubt, and I dare +say the Fellows leave--" + +"I swear this is too much," said Julian, using the only oath that ever +in all his life-time crossed his lips. "You canting and mean--Pshaw! +you are beneath my abuse. _Sizar_ indeed! there, take that, and +begone." He had meant to empty the tumbler in his face, but his hand +shook with passion, and the glass flew out of it, and after cutting the +top of Hazlet's head, fell broken on the floor. + +With a howl of dismay Hazlet fled to his own rooms, where, having +satisfied himself that the cut had done little other harm than leaving +some red streaks upon his damp and lanky hair, he put over it some +strips of plaster as large as he conveniently could, and then with a +lugubrious expression went to hall, and gratified his malice by buzzing +and babbling among his fellows all sorts of lies and exaggerations about +Julian's conduct and state of mind. When Kennedy came in, however, he +put an abrupt end to Hazlet's calumnies by handling his own tumbler with +so significant a glance, that Hazlet assumed a look of terror, and, amid +shouts of laughter, retired with all speed out of reach of the danger. + +Lillyston, always a firm and faithful friend, was grieved to the soul to +hear of Julian's condition; for, without believing half that Hazlet +said, it was at least clear that Julian had shown some violence, and, if +Hazlet was to be trusted, "had sworn at him in a manner perfectly +awful." What had come over Julian of late? Since that fit of +uncontrollable and lasting passion which had overpowered him when he was +screwed in, he did not seem to have recovered that noble moral strength +and equilibrium which was usually conspicuous in his character. The +restlessness which had prevented him from doing the paper, the half +sullen silence through the day, the horse-whipping of Brogten, the +second outburst of unchecked feeling at the loss of the scholarship, and +finally, this treatment of Hazlet, caused Lillyston a deep regret that +his friend should have strayed so widely from his usual calm and manly +course. It was as if one staggering blow had loosened all the joints of +his moral armour, and left room for successive wounds. He determined to +go and see him before chapel, and, if possible, get him to come and +spend the evening quietly with him; he was only prevented from going at +once by supposing that Julian would be dining by himself to avoid +meeting any one in hall, and he did not wish to disturb him at his +lonely meal. + +Julian's head was aching with mortification, passion, and fatigue; it +seemed as if he had but one thought to which he could turn, and that +this was a thought of weariness and pain. He dwelt much less on his own +defeat than on the disappointment which he knew it would cause to Violet +and his young brothers. He knew well that Mrs Home would bear it with +equanimity, because she regarded all the events of life, however +painful, with the same quiet resignation, and trusted ever in the gentle +dealing and loving purposes of His hand who guides them all. Poor +Julian longed to be able to regard it in this light too, but he had +suffered the angry part of his nature to gain the victory, and his human +reason was now being torn by his lion heart. + +Unable to endure the notion of going to hall, which would be a painful +reminder that the opportunity to which he had long looked for +emancipation from his sizarship had passed by, he determined to take +some wine, in the hope that it would support him till the evening. He +could not of course afford to give wine parties, but he always kept a +few bottles in his rooms for medicinal purposes, or to offer to any +stranger who might come to visit him. Taking out a decanter, he sat +down in his armchair, and drank a glass or two. The wine exhilarated +him; as he had scarcely tasted anything all day, it got rapidly into his +head, and in a few minutes his thoughts seemed in a tumult of delirious +emotion. Pride and passion triumphed over every other feeling; after +all, what was the scholarship to him? Tush! he looked for better things +in life than scholarships. He would discard the petty successes of +pedantry, and would seek a loftier greatness. He had been a fool to +trouble himself about such trifles. And as these arrogant mists clouded +his fancy, he broke out into irregular snatches of unmeaning song. + +It was a saint's-day evening, and consequently chapel was at a quarter +past six instead of six, and the undergraduates wore surplices in chapel +instead of their ordinary gowns. On saints'-days there is always a +choral service at Saint Werner's College, and the excellence of the +choir generally attracted a large congregation. To Julian, who was fond +of music, these saint's-day services had a peculiar interest; and now +while his brain was swimming with the fumes of wine, he determined to go +to chapel, and imagined to himself the pleasure he should feel in +striding haughtily through the throng of men up the long aisle to the +sizar's seat, to show by his look and manner that his courage was +undaunted, and that his self-confidence rose superior to defeat. +Although the chapel-bell had not yet begun to ring, he put out his cap +and surplice, and sat down to drink more wine. + +Just as the clock struck six, Lillyston knocked at Julian's door. + +"Aha! old fellow," said Julian, "you are just in time to have a glass of +wine before chapel." + +"No, thank you," said Lillyston coldly, sick at heart to see a fresh +proof of his friend's unworthy excitement, but without realising as yet +his true condition. + +"Tush! you think I care about that trumpery Clerkland? Not I! Won't +you have some wine?--no? well, I shall, and then I'm going to chapel." + +His flushed countenance, and excited manner, joined to the harsh tones +of his generally pleasant and musical voice, produced on Lillyston's +mind a feeling of deep pain and shame, and when with unsteady hand, +Julian endeavoured to pour out for himself a fresh glass, and in doing +so spilt the wine in great streams over the table, Lillyston saw that he +was in an utterly unfit state to go to chapel, and that the attempt to +do so would certainly draw upon him exposure and disgrace. + +"Julian," he said gently; "you are not in a condition to go to chapel; +you must not think of it." + +"What do you mean?" said Julian with a stupid stare. + +"I mean," he replied slowly, "that the wine has got into your head." + +A laugh, half hysterical, half defiant, was the only answer, and Julian +began to put on his surplice, wrong side out. + +"Julian, I beg of you to stay here as you would avoid ruin." + +"Pooh! I am not a child, as you seem to think. You are--Yes, you are a +fool, Lillyston." + +Pained to the very heart, Lillyston wavered for a moment, but a glance +at Julian decided him. Five years of happy uninterrupted friendship, +five years during which he had regarded his friend's stainless character +with ever-growing pride and affection, determined him at all hazards to +save him from the effects of this temporary possession. Firmly, but +quietly, he planted his back against the door, and said-- + +"Dear Julian, I beseech you not to go." + +The tone of voice, the mention of his own name recalled Julian for a +moment, but the sound of the chapel-bell renewed his determination, and +he answered, "Nonsense. Come, make room." + +"You _shall not go_, Julian." + +"But I will," shouted he angrily; "how dare you prevent me; stand +aside." + +Lillyston did not stir, and rendered furious by opposition, Julian +grappled with him. It required all Lillyston's strength to retain his +position against this wild assault, but he managed to do so without +inflicting any hurt; and when Julian paused, Lillyston noticed with a +sense of relief that the chapel-bell had ceased to ring. + +"I WILL go," said Julian, madly renewing the struggle. But with all his +efforts he could not stir Lillyston from the door, and only succeeded in +tearing his surplice from the neck downwards. He paused, and, baffled +of his intention, glared at his opponent. + +"The clock has now struck," said Lillyston calmly, "and the doors will +be shut. You are too late to get in." Julian stamped impatiently on +the floor, and prepared to close with Lillyston again, but now Lillyston +stepped from the door, and as he slowly went out, turned round and +said-- + +"Julian, do you call this being brave or strong? Can you let one +disappointment unman you so utterly?" + +"Be brave, and honest, and pure, and God will be with you." The words +flashed into light from the folded pages of Julian's memory, and with +them the dim image of a dead face, and the dying echo of a father's +voice. + + + +CHAPTER FOURTEEN. + +MR CARDEN. + + "Pol pudere quam pigere proestat totidem literis." + Plautus _Trinum_, Two, 2. + +Who has not felt, who does not know, that one sin yielded to, that one +passion uncontrolled, too often brings with it a train of other sins, +and betrays the drawbridge of the citadel to a thousand enemies beside? + +It had been so with Julian Home, and in proportion to the true strength +and beauty of his character, was the poignancy of his bitterness when he +awoke the next morning, and calmly reviewed the few last excited, +prayerless, and unworthy days. Surely after so many proofs of weakness, +surely after emotions and acts so violently inadequate to the +circumstances which had caused them, his best friends must despise him +as utterly as he despised himself. + +He arose that morning strong out of weakness. He determined that he +would be checked no longer by unavailing regrets, and that his +repentance should be open and manly, as his prostration had been +conspicuous. Fortified by the humiliating experience of his own want of +strength he sought for help in resolute determination and earnest +prayer. After breakfast, his first step was to call on Owen, and +congratulate him with hearty and unaffected simplicity on his success--a +success which Owen generously acknowledged to be due solely to Julian's +misfortune. It was much more difficult to call on Hazlet, but this, +too, Julian felt to be his duty; and distasteful as it was, he would not +shrink from performing it. Hazlet received him with a ludicrous air of +offended dignity, and was barely overcome into a tone of magnanimous +forgiveness by Julian's frank apology. On the whole, Julian decided +that it would be best not to call on Brogten, lest, by so doing, he +should seem to be reminding him of the consequences of his enmity under +the appearance of expressing a regret. It only remained therefore to +see Lillyston, and to this visit Julian looked with unmitigated joy. + +"Forgive me, Hugh," he said, as he entered the room; "from this time +forward I shall owe you a new debt of gratitude; you have saved me from +I know not what disgrace." + +Lillyston was delighted to see him look like his old self once more. +The thunder-cloud which had been hanging on his brow was dissipated, and +the sullen expression had wholly passed. + +"Don't talk of debt, Julian," he said; "between friends, you know, there +are no obligations--they are merged in the friendship itself." + +"I am amazed at my own intolerable folly, Hugh. I hope this is the last +time that I shall yield to such storms of passion. I have much to be +ashamed of." + +"Well, Julian," said Lillyston, changing the subject, "you mustn't think +any more of this Clerkland, for potentially you got it, as everybody +acknowledges; _dynamei_ you were successful, if not _ezgo_." + +"I don't _mean_ to let it discourage me," said Julian, "though the +potential is mightily different from the actual." Nor _did_ he suffer +it to discourage him, or weaken his endeavours. His life soon began to +flow once more in its usual, even, and quiet course. It did not take +him long to discover that it was possible to live happily without the +Clerkland, and he wondered in himself at the intensity of the desire to +obtain it, which he had suffered to overpower him. He felt no touch of +envy towards Owen, whose friendship he began to value more and more, and +who voluntarily told him, from information that he had derived from the +examiners themselves, that the decision had long hung in a doubtful +scale. In fact, the scholarship would have been divided between both of +them but for one of the examiners, who hardly appreciated Julian's +merits. It was so well understood that Julian must have been the +successful candidate but for the one fatal paper on Monday morning, that +he rather gained than lost in reputation from the result of the +competition. + +It was a few days after these events that Julian received from Mr +Carden a pressing invitation to spend a Sunday with him at Harton. Glad +of a change, he easily obtained an exeat, and went down on the Saturday +morning. Even the half-year since he had left had made a perceptible +change in the old place. There were many new faces, and many old ones +had disappeared, so that, already, he began to feel himself half a +stranger among the familiar scenes. But alike from boys and masters he +received a kindly greeting, and Mr Carden entertained him with a +pleasant and genial hospitality. The only thing which pained him was +the obvious change for the worse in Mr Carden's health. He wore a +sadder expression than of old, and though he made no remark about his +health, yet every now and then his face seemed to be suddenly contracted +by a throb of pain. + +On the Monday morning, when it was necessary for Julian to return to +Camford, Mr Carden called him into his study after breakfast, and asked +him to choose any book he liked, as a farewell present, from the +shelves. + +"But why a _farewell_ present, Mr Carden?" asked Julian, laughing. +"Aren't you ever going to ask me to Harton again?" + +"No," said Mr Carden with a sad smile, "never again. + +"I resign my mastership at the end of this term," he continued, in +answer to Julian's inquiring look; "my health is so uncertain that I +feel unequal any longer to these most arduous, most responsible duties. +Perhaps, too," he added, "I may be a little disappointed in the result +of my labours; but, at any rate, though as yet few are aware of it, this +is my last month at Harton--so choose one of my books, Julian, as a +farewell present." + +Julian expressed his real sorrow at Mr Carden's failing health. "If +you go away," he said, "it will seem as if the chief tie which bound me +to dear old Harton was suddenly snapped." He chose as his memento a +small volume of sermons which Mr Carden had published in former days, +and asked him to write his name on the title-page. + +"Yes," said the master, "you shall have that book if you like; but I +mean you to have also a more substantial memorial of my library. Here, +Julian, this book I always destined to be yours some day; you may as +well have it now." + +He took down from the shelves a richly bound copy of Coleridge's works, +in ten volumes, which Julian knew to be the one book of his library +which he most deeply prized. His marginal comments enriched almost +every page, and Julian was ashamed to take what he knew that the owner +so highly valued. + +"But I thought you told me once that you were thinking of publishing a +biography of Coleridge, and an edition of his writings," said Julian. +"Surely, sir, you will want these manuscript notes, won't you?" + +"Ah, Julian! that is one of the many plans which have floated through my +mind unfulfilled. My life, I fear, will have been an incomplete one. +Thank God that there is no such thing as a necessary man--_il n'y a +point d'hommes necessaires_; others will be found to do a thousandfold +better the work which I had purposed to do." And then he murmured half +to himself-- + + "Till, in due time, one by one, + Some with lives that came to nothing, some with deeds as well undone, + Death came suddenly, and took them where men never see the sun." + +His eyes filled with tears. "No," he said, "take the book, Julian. If +it does you all the good it has done me, it will have been more useful +than I could ever have made it. And when you hang on the eloquent and +earnest words of the great poet philosopher, mingle his teachings with +some few memories of me; it will be like a drop of myrrh, perhaps, in +the cup, but I should like," he added, with faltering voice, "to leave +at least _one_ to think of me with affection." + +He turned away as his old pupil grasped his hand; and Julian, as he went +back in the train to Camford, could not help a feeling of real pity that +one so generous and upright in heart and life should be destined to so +lonely and sorrowful a lot. + +As he had said, he resigned his Harton mastership at the end of the +term, and sailed to Madeira for his health. He begged Julian to +continue his correspondence with him, and to tell him all about his old +Harton and Camford friends. + +During Easter week, while Julian was at Ildown, he received from him a +letter to the following effect:-- + + "Dear Julian--I was not mistaken in hinting, while you were at Harton, + that we should never meet again. I am on my death-bed; and, in all + probability, the rapid decline which is now wasting my powers, and + which, while I write, shakes me with painful fits of coughing, will + have terminated my life before this letter reaches your hands. + + "I leave life, I hope, with simple resignation; and although I have + left undone much which I hoped to have accomplished, yet I die + trusting in God. My friends in this world have been few, and my + fortune have not been bright, yet happiness has largely preponderated + even in _my_ destiny, and I look on the death which is approaching as + the commencement, not as the end, of true existence. + + "But I did not write to you, dear Julian, to tell you of the frame of + mind in which death finds me. I wrote to bid you farewell, and to + tell you of something which concerns you--I mean my intention, + recently adopted, of leaving you my small private fortune, and the + added earnings which my labours have procured. Together, they amount + only to ten thousand pounds, but I hope that they may be of real + service to you. Had you still been the heir to your aunt's property, + perhaps even if you had got the Clerkland, I should have disposed of + this money in some other way; but as these events have been ordered + otherwise, and as I have no relations of my own who need the legacy, + nor any friend in whose welfare I take deeper interest than in yours, + it gives me a gleam of real satisfaction to be able to place at your + disposal this little sum. + + "Good-bye, my dear Julian. When these words meet your eye, I expect + to be in that state where even your prayers can benefit me no more. + But I know your affectionate and grateful heart, and I know that you + will sometimes recur with a thought of kindness to the memory of your + affectionate friend, Henry Carden." + +The next mail brought the news of Mr Carden's death. It caused many a +sorrowing heart both at Harton and at Camford. Mr Carden was a man +whose impetuous and enthusiastic disposition had caused him to commit +many serious errors in life, and these had been a barrier to the success +which must otherwise have rewarded his energy and talent. But even +among those who were envious of his ability, and offended by his +eccentricities, they were few who did not do justice to the rectitude of +his motives, and none who did not admit the warmth of his affections. +There were more to mourn over his untimely death than there had been to +forgive the mistakes he made, and by wise and friendly counsel to raise +him to that height which he might easily have obtained. And among the +crowd who had known him, and the many who honoured him, there were some +who loved him with no ordinary love, and who were not too proud to admit +the obligation of a permanent gratitude. It was one of the great +happinesses of Mr Carden's life that of this number was Julian Home. + +With a clear 300 pounds a year of his own, it was of course unnecessary +for Julian to return to Saint Werner's as a sizar, and he at once wrote +to his tutor to beg that his name might be removed from the list. There +was one respect in which he found this a very material addition to his +comfort and happiness. As the sizars dined an hour later than the other +men, and at a separate table, he had been by this means cut off from the +society of many of his friends in hall, where men have more +opportunities of meeting and becoming intimate than anywhere else. It +was no slight addition to his happiness to sit perpetually with the +group of friends he valued most. + +"I've got a magnificent plan for the Long, Julian," said Kennedy to him +one day, as they left the hall. "My father is going to Switzerland for +three months, with my sister Eva and me. Eva goes under the wing of an +aunt of mine, Mrs Dudley, whom I think you met at Ildown once. Won't, +you come with us?" + +The proposal was very tempting, the more so as Julian had never been +abroad. He mentioned it in his next letter home, and asked if it would +be possible for any of them to accompany him, without which he gave up +all intention of making the tour. In reply, Mrs Home proposed that +Violet should go, (if Mrs Dudley would kindly chaperon her), because +the trip would be of great advantage to her in many ways; and that Cyril +should go, as a reward for his industry and success at Marlby. "As for +Frankie and me," she continued, "we will stay at home to take care of +Ildown in your absence. Frank is too young to enjoy travelling, and I +have but little desire for it; we two will stay behind, and I daresay we +shall be very happy, especially if you write us long accounts of all +your proceedings." + +So this most delightful plan was definitely adopted, and all concerned +were full of the happiest anticipations. Kennedy and Julian looked +forward to it with the utmost eagerness; Violet, who had already grown +fond of Mrs Dudley and Eva, was charmed at the prospect, and Cyril, +with all a boy's eagerness for novelty, was well-nigh wild with joy. + +But as yet six weeks were to elapse before the Long commenced. + + + +CHAPTER FIFTEEN. + +KENNEDY'S DISHONOUR. + + "I fancied Cuthbert's reddening face + Beneath its garniture of curly gold, + Dear fellow, till I almost felt him fold + An arm in mine, to fix me to the place. + That way he used, ... Alas! one hour's disgrace!" + Robert Browning. _Childe Roland_. + +"I am very doubtful, after all, Julian, whether I shall be one of the +Switzerland party," said Kennedy, with a sigh, as he and Julian were +walking round the Saint Werner's gardens one bright evening of the May +term. The limes and chestnuts were unfolding their tender sprays of +spring-tide emerald, the willows shivered as their green buds made +ripples in the water, and the soft light of sunset streamed over towers +and colleges, giving a rich glow to the broad windows of the library, +and bathing in its rosy tinge the white plumage of the swans upon the +river. The friends were returning from a walk, during which they had +thoroughly enjoyed the blue and golden weather. Up to this time Kennedy +had seemed to be in the highest spirits, and Julian was astonished at +the melancholy tone in which the words were spoken. + +"Doubtful? Why?" said Julian, quickly. + +"Because my father has made it conditional on my getting a first class +in the May examination." + +"But, my dear fellow, there is not the ghost of a doubt of your doing +that." + +"I don't feel so sure." + +"Why, there are often thirty in the first class in the freshman's year; +and just as if _you_ wouldn't be among them!" + +"All very well; I know that anybody can do it who works, but I am +ashamed to say that I haven't read one of the books yet." + +"Haven't you, really? Well then, for goodness' sake, lose no more +time." + +"But there's only a fortnight to the examination." + +"My dear Kennedy, what _have_ you been doing to be so idle?" + +"Somehow or other the time manages to slip away. Heigh ho!" said +Kennedy, "my first year at college nearly over, and nothing done-- +nothing done! How quickly the time has gone!" + +"Yes," said Julian; + + "_ptezugas gaz epoomaduas phezai + Kampes bzadutezoi ta poteemena syllabein_, + +"as Theocritus prettily observes." + +Seized with the strong determination not only to pass the examination, +but even to excel in it, Kennedy devoted the next fortnight to +unremitted study for the first time since he had been an undergraduate. +But the more he read the more painfully he became aware of his own +deficiencies, and the more bitterly he deplored the waste of time. He +seemed to be toiling in vain after the opportunities he had lost. He +knew that the examination, though limited in subjects, was searching in +character, and he found it impossible to acquire, by a sudden impulse, +what he should have learned by continuous diligence. As the time drew +nearer, he grew more and more nervous. He had set his heart on the +Swiss tour, and it now seemed to him painfully probable that he would +fail in fulfilling the condition which his father had exacted, and +without which he well knew that Mr Kennedy would insist on his spending +the vacation either at Camford or at home. + +Of the three main subjects for examination he had succeeded by desperate +effort, aided by natural ability, in very quickly mastering two +sufficiently well to secure a creditable result; but the third subject, +the Agamemnon of Aeschylus, remained nearly untouched, and Kennedy was +too good and accurate a scholar not to be aware that the most careful +and elaborate study was indispensable to an even tolerable understanding +of that masterpiece of Grecian tragedy. Besides this, he had a hatred +of slovenly and superficial work, and he therefore determined to leave +the Aeschylus untouched, while, at the same time, he was quite conscious +that if he did so, all chance of distinction, and even all chance of a +first class were out of the question. With some shame he reflected over +this proof, that, for all purposes of study, a third of his academical +life had been utterly and wholly lost. + +As he had decided on giving up the Aeschylus, it became more imperative +to make sure of the Tacitus and Demosthenes, and he therefore went to +Mr Grayson's rooms to get a library order which should entitle him to +take from the Saint Werner's library any books that would be most likely +to give him effectual help. + +At the moment of his arrival, Mr Grayson was engaged, and he was shown +into another room until he should be ready. This room was the tutor's +library, and like many of the rooms in Camford, it opened into an inner +and smaller study, the door of which was partly open. + +Kennedy sat down, and after a few minutes, as there seemed to be no +signs that he would be summoned immediately, he began to grow very +restless. He tried some of the books on the table, but they were all +unspeakably dull; he looked at the pictures on the wall, but they were +most of them the likenesses of Camford celebrities which he already knew +by heart; he looked out of the window, but the court was empty, and +there was nothing to see. Reflecting that the only thing which can +really induce ennui in a sensible man, is to be kept waiting when he is +very busy for an _indefinite_ period, which may terminate at any moment, +and may last for almost any length of time, Kennedy, vexed at the +interruption of his work, chose the most comfortable armchair in the +room, and settled himself in it with a yawn. + +At this moment, as ill fate would have it, his eye caught sight of a +book lying on Mr Grayson's reading-desk. Lazily rising to see what it +was, he found it to be an Aeschylus, and turned over the leaves with a +feeling of listless indifference. Between two of the leaves lay a +written paper, and suddenly, after reading two or three lines, he +observed it to be a manuscript copy of the much-dreaded Agamemnon paper +for the May examination. + +Temptation had surprised him with sudden and unexpected violence. He +little knew that on this idle weary moment rested the destiny of many +years. + +As when in a hostile country one has laid aside his armour, and from +unregarded ambush the enemy leaps on him, and, though he be strong and +noble, stabs him with a festering wound, so this temptation to a base +act sprang on poor Kennedy when he was unarmed and unprepared. In the +gaieties of life, and the brightnesses of hope, and the securities of +unbroken enjoyment, he had long been trusting in himself only, in his +own high principle, his own generous impulses, his own unstained honour. +But these were never sufficient for any human being yet, and they +snapped in an instant under this unhappy boy. + +The only honourable thing to do, the thing which at another moment +Kennedy might have done, and which any man would have done, whose right +instincts and high character had the reliable support of higher +principles than mere personal self-confidence and pride, would have been +to shut the book instantly, inform Mr Grayson that he had accidentally +read one of the questions, and beg him to change it before the +examination. This Kennedy knew well; it flashed before him in an +instant as the only proper course but at the same instant he +passionately obliterated the suggestion from his mind, fiercely stifled +the impulse to do right, choked the rebukes of honour and principle, and +blindly willed to save his reputation as a scholar, and his chance of +enjoyment for the vacation by reading through the entire number of the +questions. This mental struggle did not last an instant, for the +emotions of the spirit belong only to eternity, and the guilt of human +actions is not commensurate with the length of time they occupy. But in +the intense wish to see what the examination would be like, and to +secure his first class, Kennedy repressed altogether by one blow the +moral element of his being, and concentrated his whole intellect on the +paper before him. To read it through was the work of a minute; when it +was read through, it was too late to wish the act undone, and without +suffering himself to dwell, or even to recur in thought to the nature of +his proceedings, Kennedy deliberately read through the whole paper a +second time. + +But this imperious effort of the will was not exercised without visible +effects. Absorbed as he was in seizing every prominent subject in the +questions, his forehead contracted, his hand shook, his knees trembled, +and his heart palpitated with violence. He observed nothing; he did not +notice the shadow that chequered the sunlight streaming from the door of +the inner room; he did not hear the light step which passed over the +carpet; he did not feel the breath of a man who stood behind him, looked +over his shoulder, watched his eager determination to secure the unfair +advantage, smiled at his agitation, and then slipped back again into the +inner room, unnoticed as before. + +It was done. Not a question but was printed indelibly on Kennedy's +memory. Quickly, fearfully, he shut the book, and glided back to the +armchair, in the vain attempt to look and feel at ease. + +At ease! No, now the tumult broke. Now Kennedy hated himself; called +himself mean, vile, contemptible, a reptile, a cheat. Now his insulted +honour began to vindicate its rights, and his trampled sense of truth to +spring up with a menacing bound, and his conscience to speak out calmly +and clearly the language of self-condemnation and contempt. Good +heavens! how could he have sunk so low; fancy if Julian had seen him, or +could know his meanness. Fancy if _anybody_ had seen him. Hazlet, or +Fitzurse, or Brogten himself, could hardly have been guilty of a more +dishonourable act. + +You miserable souls, that do not know what honour is, or what torments +rend a truly noble heart, if ever it be led to commit an act which to +your seared consciences and muddy intelligence appears a trivial sin, or +even no sin at all; you, the mean men to whom an offence like this is so +common, that, unless it were discovered, it would not trouble your +recollections with a feather's weight of remorse,--for you, I scorn to +write, and I scorn from my inmost being the sneer with which you will +regard the agony that Kennedy suffered from his fall. But to the high +and the generous, who have erred and have bewailed their error in +secret,--to them I appeal to imagine the anguish of self-reproach, the +bitterness of humiliation, which stung him in those few moments after +his first dishonour. It is the lofty tower that falls with the heaviest +crash; it is the stately soul that suffers the deepest abasement; it is +the white scutcheon on which the dark stain seems to wear its darkest +hue. + +He had not sat there for many minutes--though to him they seemed like +hours--when a step on the stairs told him that his tutor's visitor had +departed, and the gyp blandly entering, observed-- + +"Now, sir, Mr Grayson can see you." + +"Oh! very well," said Kennedy, rising and assuming, with a painful +effort, his most indifferent look and tone. + +"Pardon me, Mr Kennedy, my turn first; I have been waiting longest," +said a harsh voice behind him, that sounded mockingly to his excited +ear. He turned sharply round, and with a low bow and a curl on the +protruding lip, and a little guttural laugh, Brogten came from the inner +room, and passed before him into Mr Grayson's presence. + +If a thunderbolt had suddenly fallen before Kennedy's feet and cloven +its sulphurous passage into the abyss, he could hardly have been more +startled or more alarmed. Without a word he sat down half stupefied. +Was any one else in the inner room? For very shame he dare not look. +Had Brogten seen him? If so, would he at once tell Mr Grayson? What +would be done in that case? Dare he deny the fact? Passionately he +spurned the hateful suggestion. Would Brogten tell all the Saint +Werner's men? Brogten of all others, whom he had publicly insulted and +branded with dishonour! Ah me, there is no anguish so keen, so +_deadly_, as the anguish of awakened shame! + +With unspeakable anxiety Kennedy awaited Brogten's departure. Why +should he be so long? Surely he must be telling Mr Grayson. + +At last the heavy step was heard, the door opened, and the gyp once more +announced that Mr Grayson was disengaged. + +Pale and almost breathless, Kennedy went into the room. + +"Good morning, Mr Kennedy." + +"Good morning, sir." + +He quite expected that Mr Grayson was about at once to address him on +the subject of the paper, and, expecting this, totally forgot the +purpose for which he had come. The tutor's cold eye was upon him, and +after a pause he said-- + +"Well, Mr Kennedy?" + +"Well, sir?" he replied, with a start. + +"Do you want anything?" + +"Oh, I came for--Really, sir, I must beg your pardon, but I have +forgotten what it was." + +"To look at an examination-paper," were the words which, in his +embarrassment, sprang to his lips, but he checked them just in time. + +"Really, Mr Kennedy, you appear to be strangely absent this morning," +said Mr Grayson, in a tone the reverse of encouraging. + +"Oh, I remember now," he replied, desperately; "it was a library order I +wanted." + +Mr Grayson wrote him the order. Kennedy took it, and, without even +shaking the cold hand which the tutor proffered, hurried out of the +room, relieved at least by the conviction that Brogten, if he had seen +him look at the paper, had not, as yet at any rate, revealed it to the +examiner. + +"After all," he reflected, "he was hardly likely to do that. But had he +told the men?" + +Kennedy did not go to the library; he could not bear to meet anybody, +and hastened to bury himself in his own rooms. His walk, usually so +erect and gay as he went across the court--the tune he used to hum so +merrily in the sunshine--and the bright open glance of recognition with +which he passed his acquaintances and friends, were gone to-day. He +shuffled silently along the cloisters with downcast eyes. + +Hall-time would be the time to know whether Brogten had seen him and +betrayed him. And if he had seen him, surely there could be no doubt he +would tell of him. What a sweet revenge it would be for that malicious +heart! How completely it would turn the tables on Kennedy for the day +when he had sarcastically alluded to Brogten's bets! How amply it would +fulfil the promise of which that parting scowl of hatred had been full. + +He went to hall rather late on purpose; and instead of sitting in his +usual place near Julian, he chose a vacant place at another table. Half +a minute sufficed to show him that there was no difference in his +reception; the same frequent nods and smiles from all sides still gave +him the frank greeting of which, as a popular man, he was always sure. +He looked round for Brogten, but could make nothing of his face; it +simply wore a somewhat slight smile when their eyes met, and Kennedy's +fell. Kennedy began to convince himself that Brogten could _not_ have +seen what he had done in Mr Grayson's room. + +The thought rolled away a great load--a heavy, intolerable load from his +heart. It was not that with him, as with so many thousands, the fear of +discovery constituted the sense of sin, but young as he was, and high as +his character had stood hitherto in man's estimation, he prayed for any +chastisement rather than that of detection, any stroke in preference to +open shame. This was the one thing which he felt he could not bear. + +Even now, as conscience strongly suggested, he might make, by private +confession to his tutor, or at any rate by not using the knowledge he +had thus acquired, the only reparation which was still in his power. +But it was a hard thing for conscience to ask--too hard for poor +Kennedy's weakness. Much of the paper, as he saw at once, he could very +easily have answered from his previous general knowledge and +scholarship; so easily, that he now felt convinced that he might have +done quite enough of it to secure his first class. His sin then had +been useless, quite useless, worse than useless to him. Was he obliged +also to make it positively injurious? was he to put himself in a _worse_ +position than if he had never committed it? After all the punishment +which the sin had brought with it, was he also to lose, in consequence +of it, the very advantage, the very enjoyment, for the sake of which he +had harboured the temptation? It was too much--too much to expect. + +The night before the Aeschylus examination he began to read up the +general information on the subject, and he intended to do it quite as if +he were unaware of what the actual questions were to be. But it was the +merest self-deception. Each question was branded in fiery letters on +his recollection, and he found that, as he read, he was skipping +involuntarily every topic which he knew had not been touched on in Mr +Grayson's paper. + +Oh, the sense of hypocrisy with which he eagerly seized the paper next +morning, and read it over as though unaware of its contents. + +Julian could not help observing that, during the last few days, +Kennedy's spirits had suffered a change. His old mirth came only in +fitful bursts, and he was often moody and silent; but Julian attributed +it to anxiety for the result of the examination, and doubt whether he +should be allowed by his father to make one of the long-anticipated +party in the foreign tour. + +Kennedy dared not admit any one into his confidence, but the last +evening, before they went down, he turned the conversation, as he sat at +tea in Owen's room, to the topic of character, and the faults of great +men, and the aberrations of the good. + +"Tell me, Owen," he said, "as you're a philosopher--tell me what +difference the faults of good men make in our estimate of them?" + +"In our real estimate," said Owen, "I fancy we often adopt, half +unconsciously, the maxim, that `the king can do no wrong'--that the true +hero is all heroic." + +"Yes," said Kennedy; "but when some one calls your attention to the fact +of their failings, and _makes_ you look at them--what then?" + +"Why, in nine cases out of ten the faults are grossly exaggerated and +misrepresented, and I should try to prove that such is the fact; and for +the rest,--why, no man is perfect." + +"You shirk the question, though," said Lillyston; "for you have to make +very tremendous allowance indeed for some of the very best of men." + +As, for instance? + +"As, for instance, king David." + +"Oh, don't take Scripture instances," said Suton, an excellent fellow +whom they all liked, though he took very different views of things from +their own. + +"Why not, in heaven's name?" said Kennedy; "if they suit, they are good +because so thoroughly familiar." + +"Yes, but somehow one judges them differently." + +"I daresay you do,--in fact I know you do; but you've no business to. I +maintain that even according to Moses, king David deserved a felon's +death. Murder and adultery were crimes every bit as heinous then as +they are now. Yet David, this most _human_ of heroes, was the man after +God's own heart. Solve me the problem." + +"Practically," said Lillyston; "I believe one follows a genuine instinct +in _determining not_ to look at the spots, however wide or dark they +are, upon the sun." + +"And in accepting theoretically old Strabo's grand dictum, _ouch oion +agathon genesthai poieeteen mee pzotezon geneethenta anoza agathon_. +Eh?" + +"As Coleridge was so fond of doing," said Julian. + +"Ay, he needed the theory," said Suton. + +"Hush!" said Julian, "I can't stand any such Philadelphus hints about +Coleridge. By the bye, Owen, you might have quoted a still more apt +illustration from Seneca, who criticises Livy for saying `Vir ingenii +magni magis quam boni' with the remark, `Non potest illud separari; aut +_et_ bonum erit aut _nec_ magnum.'" + +Mr Admer, who was one of the circle, chuckled inwardly at the +discussion. "I was once," he said, "at a party where a lady sang one of +Byron's Hebrew melodies. At the close of it a young clergyman sighed +deeply, and with an air of intense self-satisfaction, observed, `Ah! I +was wondering where poor Byron is now!' What should you have all said +to that?" + +"Detesting Byron's personal character, I should have said that the very +wonder was a piece of idle and meddling presumption," said Owen. + +"And I should have answered that the Judge will do right," said Suton +reverently. + +"Or if he wanted a text, `Who art thou that judgest another?'" said +Lillyston contemptuously. + +"And I," said Julian, should have said,-- + + "Let feeble hands iniquitously just, + Rake up the relics of the sinful dust, + Let Ignorance mock the pang it cannot heal, + And Malice brand what Mercy would conceal;-- + It matters not!" + +"And I," said Kennedy, "should have been vehemently inclined to tweak +the man's nose." + +"But what did _you_ say, Mr Admer?" asked Lillyston. + +"I answered a fool according to his folly. I threw up my eyes and said, +`Ah, where, indeed! What a good thing it is that you and I, sir, are +not as that publican.'" + +"I should think he skewered you with a glance, didn't he?" said Kennedy. + +"No, he was going to _bore_ me with an argument, which I declined." + +"But you've all cut the question: tell me now, supposing you had known +king David, should you have thought worse of him, should you have been +cool to him--in a word, should you have _cut_ him after his fall?" + +"I think not--I mean, I shouldn't have _cut_ him," said Owen. + +"And yet you would have treated so any ordinary friend." + +"Not necessarily. But remember that the two best things happened to +David which could possibly happen to a man who has committed a crime." + +"Namely?" + +"Speedy detection," said Lillyston. + +"And prompt punishment," added Julian; "but for these there's no knowing +what would have become of him." + +Unsatisfactory as the discussion had been, yet those words rang +hauntingly in Kennedy's ears; he could not forget them. During all +those first days of happy travel they were with him; with him as they +strolled down the gay and lighted Boulevards of Paris; with him beside +the quaint fountains of Berne; and the green rushing of the Rhine at +Basle; with him amid the scent of pine-cones, and under the dark green +umbrage of forest boughs; with him when he caught his first glimpse of +the everlasting mountains, and plunged into the clear brightness of the +sapphire lake--the thought of speedy detection and prompt punishment. +It was no small pleasure to partake in Violet's happiness, and mark the +ever fresh delight that lent such a bright look to Cyril's face; but +before Kennedy in the midst of enjoyment, the memory of a dishonourable +act started like a spectre, and threw a sudden shadow on his brow. He +felt its presence when he saw the sun rise from Rigi; it stood by him +amid the wreathing mists of Pilatus; it even checked his enthusiasm as +they gazed together on the unequalled glories spread beneath the green +summit of Monterone, and as their graceful boat made ripples on the +moonlit waves of Orta and Lugans. In a word, the conviction of weakness +was the only alloying influence to the pleasure of his tour, the one +absinthe-drop that lent bitterness to the honeyed wine. It was not only +the consciousness of the wrong act and its possible results, but horror +at the instability of moral principle which it showed, and a deep fear +lest the same weakness should prove a snare and a ruin to him in the +course of future life. + + + +CHAPTER SIXTEEN. + +A DAY OF WONDER. + + "Flowers are lovely. Love is flowerlike, + Friendship is a sheltering tree; + O the joys that came down showerlike + With virtue, truth, and liberty, + When I was young."--Coleridge. + +"To-morrow, then, we are all to ascend the Schilthorn," said Mr +Kennedy, as he bade good-night to the merry party assembled in the salle +a manger of the chalet inn at Murrem. + +"Or as high as we ladies can get," said Mrs Dudley. + +"Oh, we'll get you up, aunt," said Kennedy; "if Julian and my father and +I can't get you and Miss Home and Eva up, we're not worth much." + +"To say nothing of _me_" said Cyril, putting his arms akimbo, with a +look of immense importance. + +"Breakfast, then, at five to-morrow morning, young people," said Mr +Kennedy, retiring; and full of happy anticipations they went off to bed. + +Punctually at five they were all seated round the breakfast-table, +eagerly discussing the prospects of the day. + +"I say, _did_ any of you see the first sunbeam tip the Jungfrau this +morning?" said Kennedy. "It looked like--like--what did it look like, +Miss Home?" + +"Like the golden rim of a crown of pearls," said Violet, smiling. "And +did you see the morning star, shining above the orange-coloured line of +morning light, over the hills behind us, Eva? What did that remind you +of?" + +"Oh, I can't _invent_ poetic similes," answered Eva. "I must take +refuge in Wordsworth's-- + + "`Sweet as a star when only one + Is shining in the sky.'" + +"Yes," said Julian; "or Browning's-- + + "`One star--the chrysolite!'" + +"Hum!" said Cyril, who had been standing impatiently at the door during +the colloquy; "when you young ladies and people have done poetising, +etcetera, the guide's quite ready." + +"Come along, then; we're soon equipped," said Violet, adjusting at the +looking-glass her pretty straw hat, with its drooping feather, and the +blue veil tied round it. + +"I say, Miss Kennedy--bother take it though, I can't always be saying +Miss Kennedy--it's too long. I shall call you Eva--may I?" said Cyril. + +"By all means, if you like." + +"Well, then, Eva, the guide _is_ such a rum fellow; he looks like a +revived mummy out of--out of Palmyra," said he, blundering a little in +his geography. + +"Mummy or no," said Julian, "he'll carry all our provisions and plaids +to-day up to the top, which is more than most of your A Cs would do." + +"A C--what does that mean?" asked Violet. "One sees it constantly in +the visitors' books." + +"Don't you know, Vi?" said Cyril. "It stands for athletic climber." + +"Alpine Club, you little monkey," said Kennedy, throwing a fir-cone at +him. "_You'll_ be qualified for the Alpine Club, Miss Home, before the +day's over, I've no doubt." + +"No," said Julian, "they want 13,000 feet, I believe, and the Schilthorn +is only 9,000." + +"Nearly three times higher than Snowdon; only fancy!" said Cyril. + +Meanwhile the party had started with fair weather, and in high spirits. +The guide, with the gentlemen's plaids strapped together, led the way +cheerily, occasionally talking his vile patois with Julian and Mr +Kennedy, or laughing heartily at Cyril's "bad language"--for Cyril, not +being strong in German, exercised a delightful ingenuity in making a +very few words go a very long way. Kennedy walked generally with Eva +and Violet, while Julian often joined them, and Cyril, always with some +new scheme in hand, or some new fancy darting through his brain, ran +chattering, from one group to another, plucking bilberries and wild +strawberries in handfuls, and trying the merits of his alpenstock as a +leaping-pole. + +The light of morning flowed down in an ever-broadening river, and peak +after peak flashed first into rose, then into crimson, and then into +golden light, as the sun fell on their fields of snow; high overhead +rose Alp after Alp of snow-white and luminous cloud, but the flowing +curves of the hills themselves stood unveiled, with their crests cut +clearly on the pale, divine, lustrous blue of heaven, and our happy band +of travellers gazed untired on that glorious panorama of glistering +heights from the towering cones of the Eiger and the Moench to the +crowding precipices of the Ebenen-fluen and the Silberhorn. Deep below +them, in the valley, "like handfuls of pearl in a goblet of emerald," +the quiet chalets clustered over their pastures of vivid grass, and gave +that touch of human interest which alone was wanting to complete the +loveliness of the scene. + +Every step brought them some new object to gaze upon with loving +admiration; now the gaunt spurs of some noble pine that had thrust his +gnarled roots into the crevices of rock to look down in safety on the +torrent roaring far below him, and now the track of a chamois, or the +bright black eyes of some little marmot peering from his burrow on the +side of a sunny bank, and whistling a quick alarm to his comrades at +their play. + +"What an extraordinary howl," said Cyril, laughing, as the guide whooped +back a sort of jodel in answer to a salute from the other side of the +valley. + +"It's very harmonious--is it not?" said Violet. + +"Yes, that's one of the varieties of the Ranz des Vaches," said Kennedy. + +"And why do they shout at each other in that way?" + +"Because the mountains are lonely, Cyril, and the shepherds don't see +human faces too often; so men begin to feel like brothers, and are glad +to greet each other in these silent hills." + +"Did you hear how the mountain echoed back his cry?" said Eva; "it +sounded like a band of elves mocking at him." + +"Yes, you'll hear something finer directly; the guide told me he was +going to borrow an alpen-horn at one of these chalets, and then you'll +discover for the first time what echo can do." + +In a few minutes the guide appeared with the horn, and blew. Heavens! +what a melody of replications! How in the hollows of the hills every +harsh tone died away, and all the softer notes flowed to and fro in +tenderest music, and fainted in distant reverberations more and more +exquisite, more and more exquisitely low. Can it be a mere echo of +those rude blasts? It seemed as though some choir of spirits had caught +each tone as it came from the peasant's horn, and had deified it there +among the clouds, and had repeated it over and over with divinest +variations, to show man how crabbed were the sounds which he produced, +and yet how ravishing they might one day become, when to the symphony of +silver strings they rang out amid the seraph harps and choral harmonies +of heaven. All the party stood still in rapturous attention, and even +Cyril forgot for ten minutes his frolicsome and noisy mirth. + +Reader, have you ever seen an Alpine pasture in warm July at early +morning? If not, you can hardly conceive the glorious carpet over which +the feet of the wanderer in Switzerland press during summer tours. +Around them as they passed the soft mosses glowed with gold and crimson, +and the edges of the lady's-mantle shimmered with such diamonds and +pearls as never adorned a lady's mantle yet. Everywhere the grass was +vivid with a many-coloured tissue of dew-dropped flowers: pale crocuses, +and the bright crimson-lake carnation, and monk's-hood, and +crane's-bill, and aster alpinus, and the lovely myosotis, and thousands +of yellow and purple flowers, nameless or lovelier than their names, +were the tapestry on which they trod; and it was interwoven through warp +and woof with the blue gleam of a myriad harebells. At last they came +to the cold region of those delicate nurslings of the hills, the +gentianellas and gentians. Kennedy, who had been keenly on the look +out, was the first of the party to find the true Alpine gentian, and +instantly recognising it, ran with it to Violet and his sister. + +"There," he said, "the first Alpine gentian you ever saw. Did you ever +know real blue in a flower before? Doesn't it actually seem to shed a +blue radiation round it?" + +"How perfectly beautiful!" said Violet; "see, Eva, how intense blue and +green seem to be shot into each other, or to play together like the +waters of a shoaling sea." + +"Shall I take a root or two?" said Kennedy. + +"Not the slightest use," said Julian; "they only grow at certain +elevations, and would be dead before you got down." + +"Isn't it strange, Violet, that Nature should fling such a tender and +exquisite gem so high up among these awful hills, where so few eyes see +them?" + +"Just look," said Julian, "how the moss and the grass seem to be +illuminated with them, as though the heavens were golden, and stars in +it were of blue." + +While they talked, Cyril dashed past them with all the ardour of a young +entomologist in full chase of a little mountain-ringlet, which he soon +caught and pinned on the top of his straw hat. In a few minutes more he +had added a great fritillery to his collection, and it gave him no +trouble to pick out the finest of the superb lazy-flying Apollos, which +quickly shared the same fate. + +"Here's another for you, Cyril," said Eva, pointing to a gorgeous +peacock-butterfly which had settled amicably by a bee on the +pink-and-downy coronet of a great thistle. + +"Oh, I don't want that; one can get it any day in England; here though, +look at this lovely burnet-moth," he cried, as the blue-and-red-winged +little creature settled on the same thistle-head. + +"What a shame to disturb that beautiful Psyche," said Julian, as Cyril +dashed his cap over the prey, and the peacock fluttered off; "it was +enjoying itself so intensely in the sunshine, opening and shutting its +wings in unmitigated contentment." But Cyril had secured his moth +without heeding the remark, and was now twenty yards ahead. + +A sudden roar of sound stopped him, and he waited to ask the rest, "if +they had heard the thunder?" + +"It wasn't thunder, but the rush of an avalanche," said Kennedy; "there, +you may see it still on the side of the Jungfrau." + +"What, those little white streaks, which look like a mountain torrent?" + +"Yes." + +"And can those threads of snow make all that row?" + +"You must remember that the threads of snow are five miles off, and are +perhaps thousands of tons in weight." + +By this time they had reached the part of the mountain where the climb +became really toilsome, and they settled down into the steady pace, +which the Swiss guides always adopt because they know that it is the +quickest in the long run. And at this point Mr Kennedy and Mrs Dudley +left them, preferring, like sensible old people, to stroll back in +quiet, and avoid an exertion which they found too fatiguing. They knew +that they could safely entrust the party to the care of Julian and the +guide. The ladies often needed help, and there seemed to be something +very pleasant to Kennedy in the light touch of Violet's hand, for he +lent her his arm or his alpenstock oftener than was absolutely required. +They only stopped once more to quench their thirst at a streamlet which +was rushing impetuously down the rocks, and a little below them foamed +over the precipice into a white and noisy cataract. + +"I never noticed water before falling from such a height," said Julian; +"it looks exactly like a succession of white comets plunging through the +sky in a crowd." + +"Or a throng of white-sheeted ghosts hurrying deliriously through the +one too-narrow entrance of the lower world," said Kennedy. "Doesn't it +remind one of Schiller's line-- + +"`Und es wallet und liedet und brauset und Pikcht?'" + +"I admire the rainbow most, which over-arches the fall, and plays into +light, or dies away as the sunbeams touch the foam," said Violet. + +"Doesn't it remind you of Al-Sirat's arch, Miss Home?" asked Kennedy. + +"Haven't the pleasure of that gentleman's acquaintance," observed Cyril. + +"Nor I," said Kennedy; "but Al-Sirat's arch is the bridge--narrow as the +edge of a razor, or the thread of an attenuated spider--which is +supposed to span the fiery abyss, over which the good _skate_ into +Paradise, while the bad topple over it. Don't you remember Byron's +lines about it in the Giaour? + + "`Yea, _Soul_, and should our prophet say + That form was nought but breathing clay, + By Alla! I would answer nay; + Though on Al-Sirat's arch I stood, + That topples o'er the fiery flood, + With Paradise within my view, + And all its Houris beckoning through.' + +"Pretty nearly the only lines of Byron I know." Somehow Kennedy was +looking at Violet while he repeated the lines. + +A few minutes more brought them on to the great field of snow, through +which they toiled along laboriously, treading as much as possible in the +footsteps of the guide. + +"This isn't a glacier, is it?" asked Cyril. + +"Oh dear, no! If it were, you wouldn't find it such easy walking, for +it would be full of hidden crevasses, and we should have to march much +more carefully, occasionally poking our feet through the snow that +lightly covers a fathomless depth." + +"Yes, you must have read in Murray that eerie story of the guide that +actually tumbled, though not very deep, into the centre of the glacier, +and found his way back to light down the bed of a sub-glacial torrent, +with no worse result than a broken arm." + +"There is a still eerier story, though, of two brothers," said Kennedy, +"of whom one fell into a crevasse, and was caught on a ledge some fifty +feet down, where he could be actually seen and heard." + +"Did he ever get out?" asked Violet. + +"Yes; the guide went back four hours' walk, and brought ropes and +assistance just before dark, and meanwhile the other brother waited +anxiously by the side of the crevasse, talking, and letting down brandy +and other things to keep the poor fellow alive. He did escape, but not +without considerable risk of being frozen to death." + +Beguiling the way with talk, they at last got over the tedious climb, +and reached the summit. Eva and Violet were very tired, but the +difficult and eager air of the icy mountain-top was exhilarating as new +wine, and the provisions they had brought with them reinvigorated them +completely. To hungry and thirsty climbers black bread and _vin +ordinaire_ taste like nectar and ambrosia. The day was cloudless, the +view unspeakably magnificent, and Cyril's high spirits were contagious. +They lingered long before they began the descent, and laughingly +pooh-poohed the guide's repeated suggestion that it was getting late. + +"I bet you Kennedy has been writing poetry," said Cyril; "do make him +read it, Julian." + +"Hear, hear!" said all in chorus, and Julian with playful force +possessed himself of the pocket-book, while Kennedy, only asseverating +that the verses were addressed to nobody in particular, fled from the +sound of his own lyrics, which Julian proceeded to read. + + "Rose-opals of the sunlit hills + Are flashing round my lonely way, + And cataracts dash the rushing rills + To plumes of glimmering spray. + But mountain-streams and sunny gleams + Are not so dear to me, + As dawning of the golden love + My spirit feels for thee! + + "Their diamond crowns and giant forms, + The lordly hills upraise; + Nor rushing winds nor shattering storms + Can shake their solid base: + Though Europe rests beneath their crests, + And empires sleep secure, + Less firm their bases than my love, + Their snow less brightly pure." + +"There, rubbish enough," said Kennedy, returning and snatching away the +pocket-book before Julian could read another verse. "`Like coffee made +without trouble, drunk without regret,' as the Monday Oracle, with its +usual exquisite urbanity, observed of a recent poet." + +"Of course addressed quite to an imaginary object, Eddy," said Eva, +while Violet looked towards the hills, and hoped that the glow which +covered her fair face might be taken for a reflection of the faint tinge +that already began to fall over the distant ridges of pale snow. + +"We really must come away," said Julian; "it'll be sunset very soon, and +then we shall have to climb down nearly in the dark." + +So they left the ridge, and while Kennedy and Cyril, amid shouts of +laughter, glissaded gallantly over the slopes of snow, Julian and the +guide conducted the girls by a method less rapid, but more secure. +Arrived at the rocks, Cyril went forward with the guide, Julian followed +with Eva, and Kennedy with Violet led up the rear. + +Why did they linger so long? Violet was tired, no doubt, but could she +not have walked as fast as Eva, or was Kennedy's arm less stout than +Julian's? She lingered, it seemed, with something of a conscious +pleasure, now to pluck a flower or a fern, now to look at some yellow +lichens on the purple crags; and once, when Julian looked back, the two +were some way behind the rest of the party. They were standing on a +rock gazing on the fading splendour of the mountains in front of them, +while the light wind that had risen during the sunset, flung back his +hair from his forehead, and played with one golden tress which had +strayed down Violet's neck. He shouted to them to make haste, and they +waved their hands to him with a gay salute. Thinking that they would +soon overtake him, he pressed forward with Eva, and did not look back +again. + +While Kennedy walked on with Violet in silence more sweet than speech, +they fell into a dreamy mood, and wandered on half-oblivious of things +around them, while deeper and deeper the shades of twilight began to +cast their gloom over the hills. + +"Look, Violet, I mean Miss Home; the moon is in crescent, and we shall +have a pleasant night to walk in; won't it be delightful?" + +"Yes," she murmured; but neither of them observed that the clouds were +gathering thick and fast, and obscured all except a few struggling +glimpses of scattered stars. + +They came to a sort of stile formed by two logs of wood laid across the +gap in a stone wall, and Kennedy vaulting over it, gave her his hand. + +"Surely," she said, stopping timidly for a moment, "we did not pass over +this in coming, did we?" + +Kennedy looked back. "No," he said, "I don't remember it; but no doubt +it has been put up merely for the night to prevent the cattle from going +astray." + +They went forward, but a deeper and deeper misgiving filled Violet's +mind that they had chosen a wrong road. + +"I think," she said with a fluttered voice, "that the path looks much +narrower than it did this morning. Do you see the others?" + +They both strained their eyes through the gloom, now rendered more thick +than ever by the dark driving clouds, but they could see no trace of +their companions, and though they listened intently, not the faintest +sound of voices reached their eager ears. + +They spoke no word, but a few steps farther brought them to a towering +rock around the base of which the path turned, and then seemed to cease +abruptly in a mass of loose shale. It was too clear now. They had lost +their road and turned, whilst they were indulging those golden fancies, +into a mere cattle-path worn by the numerous herds of goats and oxen, +the music of whose jangling bells still came to them now and then in low +sweet snatches from the pastures of the valley and hill. + +What was to be done? They were alone amid the all but unbroken silence, +and the eternal solitudes of the now terrible mountain. The darkness +began to brood heavily above them; no one was in sight, and when Kennedy +shouted there was no answer, but only an idle echo of his voice. Sheets +of mist were sweeping round them, and at length the gusts of wind drove +into their faces cold swirls of plashing rain. + +"Oh, Mr Kennedy, what can we do? Do shout again." + +Once more Kennedy sent his voice ringing through the mist and darkness, +and once more there was no answer, except that to their now excited +senses it seemed as if a scream of mocking laughter was carried back to +them upon the wind. And clinging tightly to his arm, as he wrapped her +in his plaid to shelter her from the wet, she again cried, "Oh, Edward, +what must we do?" + +Even in that fearful situation--alone on the mountain, in the storm,--he +felt within him a thrill of strength and pleasure that she called him +Edward, and that she clung so confidingly upon his arm. + +"Dare you stay here, Violet," he asked, "while I run forward and try to +catch some glimpse of a light?" + +"Oh, I dare not, I dare not," she cried; "you might miss your way in +coming back to me, and I should be alone." + +He saw that she loved him; he had read the secret of her heart, and he +was happy. Passionately he drew her towards him, and on her soft +fragrant cheek--on which the pallor of dread had not yet extinguished +the glow which had been kindled by the mountain wind--he printed a +lover's kiss; but in maidenly reserve she drew back, and was afraid to +have revealed her secret, and once more she said, "Oh, Mr Kennedy, we +shall die if we stay here unsheltered in this storm." + +As though to confirm her words, the thunder began to growl, and while +the sounds of it were beaten back with long loud hollow buffetings from +the rocks on every side, the blue and winged flash of lightning +glittered before their eyes, cleaving a rift with dazzling and vivid +intensity amid the purple gloom. + +"Stay here but one instant, Violet--Miss Home,"--he said; "I will climb +this rock to see if any light is near, and will be with you again in a +moment." + +He bounded actively up the rock, reckless of danger, and gazed from the +summit into the night. For a second, another flash of lightning half +blinded him with its lurid glare, but when he was again accustomed to +the darkness, he saw a dull glimmer in the distance, and supposing it to +come from the hotel, sprang down the rock again to Violet's side. + +"This way," he said, "dear Violet; I see a light, and from the direction +of it I think it must be from our hotel. Keep up courage, and we shall +soon reach it." + +Dangerous as it was to hurry over the wet and slippery shale, and down +the steep sides of the rugged hill, Kennedy half drew, half-carried her +along with swift steps towards the place from which the dim light still +seemed to allure them by its wavering and uncertain flicker. + + + +CHAPTER SEVENTEEN. + +A NIGHT OF TERROR. + + "For the strength of the hills we bless Thee, + Our God, our Father's God; + Thou hast made our spirits mighty, + By the touch of the mountain sod!" + Hemans. + +"Here you all are, then," said the cheerful voice of Mr Kennedy, as +Julian, Eva, and Cyril, followed by the guide, entered the little Murrem +Inn. + +"Here are three of us," answered Julian; "haven't Edward and Violet +arrived? Not having seen them for the last half-hour, I fancied they +must have got before us by some short cut." + +"No, they've not come yet. Fortunately for you, Eva, Aunt Dudley is +very tired and has gone to bed," he said laughing, "otherwise you would +have got a scolding for not taking better care of Violet." + +"Oh, then, they must be close behind somewhere for certain," said +Julian; "they could not have missed the path--it lay straight before us +the whole way." + +"Well, I hope they'll be in soon, for it begins to look lowering. I've +ordered tea for you; make haste and come down to it. You're ready for +tea, Cyril, I have no doubt." + +"_Rather_!" said Cyril, reviving; for fatigue had made him very quiet +during the last half-hour. And, indeed, the tempting-looking display on +the table, the bright teapot, and substantial meal, and amber-coloured +honey, would have allured a more fastidious appetite. + +They ran up-stairs to make themselves comfortable before having tea and +retiring to bed, and on re-entering the warm and glowing room, their +first question was, "Have they come?" + +"No," said Mr Kennedy, anxiously, and even the boy's face grew grave +and thoughtful as Julian rose from the tea-table and said, "I must go +and search for them." + +He seized his straw hat, put on his boots again, and ran out, calling on +the guide to accompany him. They took out with them a lighted torch, +but it was instantly extinguished by the streaming rain. Julian and the +guide shouted at the top of their voices, but heard no sound in reply; +and the darkness was now so intense, that it was madness to proceed +farther amid that howling storm. + +They ran back to the inn, where the rest sat round the table, pale and +trembling with excessive fear. In reply to their hasty questions, +Julian could only shake his head sorrowfully. + +"The guide says that in all probability they must have been overtaken by +the storm, and have run to some chalet for refuge. If so, they will be +safe and well-treated till the morning." + +"You children had better go to bed," said Mr Kennedy to Eva and Cyril, +who reluctantly obeyed. "You cannot be of any help, and directly the +storm begins to abate, Julian and I will go and find the others." + +"Oh, papa," sobbed Eva; "poor Eddy and Violet! What will become of +them? Perhaps they have been struck by the lightning." + +"They are in God's hand, dearest," he said, tenderly kissing her tearful +face, "as we all are. In His hand they are as safe as we." + +"In God's hand, dear Eva," said Julian, as he bade her good-night. "Go +to sleep, and no doubt they will be here safe before you awake." + +"I shall not sleep, Julian," she whispered; "I shall go and pray for +their safety. Dear, dear Eddy and Violet." + +Cyril lingered in the room. + +"Do let me stay up with you, Julian. I couldn't sleep--indeed, I +couldn't; and I might be of some use when morning comes, and when you go +to look for them. Do let me stay, Julian." + +Julian could not resist his brother's wish, though Mr Kennedy thought +it best that the boy should go to bed. + +So they compromised matters by getting him to lie down on the sofa, +while they sat up, and stared out of the windows silently into the rain. +How wearily the time goes by when you dread a danger which no action +can avert. + +Meanwhile the objects of their anxiety had hurried up to the light, and +found that it came from the ragged windows of an old tumble-down +tenement, built of pine-boards which the sun had dried and charred, +until they looked black and stained and forbidding. Going up the rotten +wooden steps to the door, and looking through the broken windows, +Kennedy saw two men seated, smoking, with a flaring tallow candle +between them. + +"Must we go in there?" asked Violet; and Kennedy observed how her arm +and the tones of her voice were trembling with agitation. + +"Isn't it better than staying out in this dreadful storm?" said Kennedy. +"The Swiss are an honest people, and I daresay these are herdsmen who +will gladly give us food and shelter." + +Their voices had roused the inmates of the chalet, and both the men +jumped up from their seats, while a large and fierce mastiff also shook +himself from sleep, and gave a low deep growl. + +Kennedy knocked at the door. A gruff voice bade him enter; and as he +stepped over the threshold, the dog flew at him with an angry bark. +Violet uttered a cry of fear, and Kennedy struck the dog a furious blow +with the knobbed end of his alpenstock, which for the moment stunned the +animal, while it drew down on the heads of the tired and fainting +travellers a volley of brutal German oaths. + +"Can you give us shelter?" said Kennedy, who spoke German with tolerable +fluency. "We have lost our way, and cannot stay out in this storm." + +The man snarled an affirmative, and Violet observed with a shudder that +he was an ill-looking, one-eyed fellow, with villainy stamped legibly on +every feature. The other peasant looked merely stolid and dirty, and +seemed to be little better than a cretin, as he sat heavily in his place +without offering to stir. + +"Can't you give us some food, or at any rate some milk?--we have been to +the top of the Schilthorn, and are very tired." + +The man brought out a huge coarse wooden bowl of goat's milk, and some +sour bread; and feeling in real need of food, they tried to eat and +drink. While doing so, Kennedy noticed that Violet gave a perceptible +start and looking up, observed the one eye of their grim entertainer +intently fixed on the gold watch-chain which hung over his silk jersey. +He stared the man full in the face, finished his meal, and then asked +for a candle to show the lady to her room. + +"No light but this," said the Cyclops, as Kennedy mentally named him. + +"Then you must lend me this." + +And taking it without more ado, he went first to the cupboard from which +the milk had been produced, where seeing another dip, he coolly took it, +lighted it, and pushed open the creaking door which opened on the close, +damp closet which the man had indicated as the only place where Violet +could sleep. + +This room opened on another rather larger; and here, putting the candle +on the floor, for the room, (if room it could be called), was destitute +of all furniture, he spread his plaid on the ground over some straw, and +said-- + +"Try to sleep here, Miss Home, till morning. I will keep watch in the +outer room." + +He shut the door, went back to the two men, looked full at them both, +and leaving them their candle, returned to the closet, where, fastening +the door with his invaluable alpenstock, he sat on the ground by the +entrance of Violet's room. He heard her murmuring words of prayer, and +knew well that she could not sleep in such a situation; but he himself +determined to sit in perfect silence, to keep watch, and to commend +himself and her, whom he now knew that he loved more than himself, in +inward supplication to the merciful protection of their God and Father. + +He felt a conviction that they had fallen into bad hands. The man's +anger had first been stirred by the severe wound which Kennedy had in +self-defence inflicted on the dog, and now there was too much reason to +dread that his cupidity had been excited by the sight of the gold chain, +and by Violet's ornaments, which gave promise that he might by this +accident gain a wealthy prize. + +After an interval of silence, during which he perceived that they +listened at his door, and were deceived by his measured breathing into a +notion that he was asleep, he noticed that they put out the candle, and +continued to whisper in low thick voices. He was very very weary, his +head nodded many times, and more than once he was afraid that sleep +would overcome him, especially as he dared not stir or change his +position; but the thought of Violet's danger, and the blaze of the +lightning mingled with the yell of the wind kept him watchful, and he +spent the interminable moments in thinking how to act when the attack +came. + +At last, about an hour and a half after he had retired, he heard the men +stir, and with a thrill of horror he detected the sound of guns being +loaded. Violet's candle was yet burning, as he perceived by the faint +light under her door, so he wrote on a leaf of his pocket-book in the +dark, "Don't be afraid, Violet, whatever you may hear; trust in God," +and noiselessly pushed it under the crevice of the door into her room. + +The muffled footsteps approached, but he never varied the sound of his +regular breathing. At last came a push at the door, followed by +silence, and then the whisper, "he has fastened it." Still he did not +stir, till he observed that they were both close against the door, and +were preparing to force it open. Then guided by a swift instinctive +resolution, he determined to trust to the effects of an unexpected +alarm. Noiselessly moving his alpenstock, he suddenly and with all his +force, dashed the door open, shouted aloud, and with his utmost violence +swung round the heavy iron spike. A flash, the report of a gun, and a +yell of anguish instantly followed; and as Violet in terror and +excitement threw open her door, the light which streamed from it showed +Kennedy in a moment that the foremost villain, startled by the sudden +opposition, had accidentally fired off his gun, of which the whole +contents had lodged themselves in the shoulder of his comrade. + +This second man had also armed himself with a chamois-gun, which slipped +out of his hands as he fell wounded to the ground. Springing forward +Kennedy wrenched it out of his relaxing grasp, and presented it full at +the head of the other, who, half-stunned with the blow he had received +from the heavy iron-shod point of the ashen alpenstock, was crouching +for concealment in the corner of the chalet. + +"Violet," he said, "all is now safe. These wretches are disarmed; if +you like to take shelter here till the morning, I can secure you from +any further attack. If you stir but an inch," he continued, addressing +the unwounded man, "I will shoot you dead. Lay down your gun." + +The man's one eye glared with rage and hatred, but Kennedy still held +the loaded gun at his head, and he was forced sullenly to obey. Kennedy +put his foot upon the gun, and was in perplexity what to do next, +fearing that the wounded murderer, who was moaning heavily, might +nevertheless spring at him from behind, and also momentarily dreading an +attack from the mastiff, who kept up a sullen growl. + +"Let us leave this dreadful place," said Violet, who, pale but undaunted +at the horrors of the scene, had taken refuge by Kennedy's side. + +"Dare you pick up and carry the gun?" he asked. "It would be dangerous +to leave it in their hands." + +Violet picked it up, where it lay under his feet, and then glided +rapidly out of the chalet, while Kennedy slowly followed, never once +taking his eye from his crouching antagonist. Before he stepped into +the open air, he said to the men, "If I hear but one footstep in pursuit +of us, I will shoot one of you dead." + +"Oh, what a relief to be on the mountain-turf once more!" said Violet in +a low and broken whisper, as she grasped Kennedy's arm, and he +cautiously led her down a rude path, which was faintly marked a few +hundred yards from the lonely cottage where they had been. "Are we safe +now, do you think?" + +"Yes, quite safe, Violet, I trust. They will not dare pursue me, now +that their guns are gone, and I have this loaded one in my hand." + +"Dear brave Mr Kennedy. How shall I ever thank you enough for having +saved my life so nobly? If you had not been so strong and watchful, we +should both have now been killed." + +"I would die a thousand deaths," he whispered, "to save you from the +least harm, Violet. But you are tired, you must rest here till the +dawn. Sit under this rock, dearest, and cover yourself with my plaid. +I will keep watch still." + +She sat down wearily, and her head sank upon the rock. The storm was +over: the thunder was still muttering like a baffled enemy in the +distance, but the wind after its late fury was sobbing gently and +fitfully like a repentant child. The rock gave her shelter, and after +her fatigue and agitation she was sleeping peacefully, while Kennedy +bowed down his head, and thanked God for the merciful protection which +He had extended to them. + +He had not been seated long when his eye caught the light of torches, +being waved at a distance in the direction of the hotel. In an instant, +he felt sure that Julian was come out to search for them, and gently +awakening Violet, he told her with a thrill of joy that help was at +hand. The torches drew nearer the place where they were seated, and he +raised a joyous shout. As yet they were too far off to hear him, but +suddenly it occurred to him to fire his gun. The flash and echoing +report attracted their notice; the torches grew rapidly nearer; he could +almost see the dark figures of those who carried them; and now in answer +to his second shout came the hurried sound of familiar voices, and in +five minutes more Julian and his father had grasped him by the hands, +and Cyril had flung his arms round Violet's neck. + +And now at last Kennedy gave way to his emotion, and his highly-wrought +feelings found relief in a burst of passionate tears. It was no time +for questionings. Julian passed his arm round his sister's waist, and, +aided by Mr Kennedy, half-carried her to their hotel. Kennedy leaned +heavily on the guide's arm; the honest landlord, who accompanied the +searching party, carried the plaid, the alpenstock, and one of the guns, +and Cyril, impressed by the strange scene, carried the other gun, full +of wondering conjecture what Kennedy could have been doing with it, and +from whence it could have come. + +And when Violet reached Eva's room, in which she slept, she could only +say, as they sat locked in a long embrace:-- + +"Dearest Eva, it is only through Edward that my life has been saved." + +Eva had never before heard Violet call her brother by his name, and she +was glad at heart. + + + +CHAPTER EIGHTEEN. + +THE ALPEN-GLUHEN. + + "And, last of all, + Love, like an Alpine harebell, hung with tears, + By some cold morning glacier." + The Princess. + +Violet's fluttered nerves and wearied frame rendered it necessary for +the party of English travellers to stay for a few days at Murrem, and +afterwards it was decided that they should all go down to Grindelwald, +and spend there the remainder of the time which they had set apart for +the Swiss tour. The landlord of the Jungfrau treated them with the +utmost consideration, and amused Kennedy by paying him as much deference +as if he had been Tell or Arnold himself. Leaving in his hands all +endeavours to discover the two scoundrels, who had entirely decamped, +Kennedy gave him one of the guns, while he carried with him the other to +keep as a trophy in his rooms at Camford. + +There are few sights more pleasant than that of two families bound +together by the ties of friendship and affection, and living together as +though they were all brothers and sisters of a common home. For long +years afterwards the Homes and the Kennedys looked back on those days at +Grindelwald as among the happiest of their lives, and, indeed, they +glided by like a dream of unbroken pleasure. How is it that there can +be such a thing as ennui, or that people ever can be at a loss what to +do? In the morning they took short excursions to the glaciers or the +roots of the great mountains, and Cyril made adventurous expeditions +with his fishing-rod to the mountain-streams. And at evening they sat +in the long twilight in the balcony of their room, while Eva and Violet +sang them sweet, simple English songs, which rang so softly through the +air, that the crowd of guides and porters which always hang about a +Swiss hotel used to gather in the streets to listen, and the English +visitors collected in the garden to catch the familiar tones. Julian +and Kennedy always gave some hours every day to their books, and Cyril, +though he could be persuaded to do little else, spent some of his +unemployed time on his much-abused holiday task for the ensuing quarter +at Marlby. + +And when the candles were lit, the girls would sketch or work, and +Julian or Kennedy would read or translate to them aloud. Sometimes they +spent what Mr Kennedy used to call "an evening with the immortals," and +taking some volume of the poets, would each choose a favourite passage +to read aloud in turn. This was Mr Kennedy's great delight, and he got +quite enthusiastic when the well-remembered lines came back to him with +fresh beauty, borne on the pleasant voices of Eva, Julian, or Cyril, +like an old jewel when new facets are cut on its lustrous surface. + +"Stop there; that's an immortal, lad--an immortal," he would say to +Cyril, when the boy seemed to be passing over some flower of poetic +thought without sufficient admiration; and then he would repeat the +passage from memory with such just emphasis, that on these evenings all +felt that they were laying up precious thoughts for happy future hours. + +"Now, Mrs Dudley, and you young ladies, we're going to translate you +part of a Greek novel to-night," said Julian. + +"A Greek novel!" said Cyril, with a touch of incredulous suspicion. +"Those old creatures didn't write novels, did they?" + +"Only the best novel that ever was written, Cyril." + +"What's it called?" + +"The Odyssey." + +"Oh, what a chouse! You don't mean to call that a novel, do you?" + +"Well, let the ladies decide." + +So he read to them how Ulysses returned in the guise of a beggar, after +twenty years of war and wandering to his own palace-door, and saw the +haughty suitors revelling in his halls; and how, as he reached the door, +Argus, the hunting-dog, now old and neglected, and full of fleas, +recollected him, when all had forgotten him, and fawned upon him, and +licked his hand and died; and how the suitors insulted him, and one of +them threw a foot-stool at him, which by one quick move he avoided, and +said nothing, and another flung a shin-bone at his head, which he caught +in his hand, and said nothing, but only smiled grimly in his heart--ever +so little, a grim, sardonic smile and how the old nurse recognised him +by the scar of the boar's tusk on his leg, but he quickly repressed the +exclamation of wonderment which sprang to her lips; and how he sat, +ragged but princely, by the fire in his hall, and the red light +flickered over him, and he spake to the suitors words of solemn warning; +and how, when Agelaus warned them, a strange foreboding seized their +souls, and they looked at each other with great eyes, and smiled with +alien lips, and burst into quenchless laughter, though their eyes were +filled with tears; and how Ulysses drew his own mighty bow, which not +one of them could use, and how he handled it, and twanged the string +till it sang like a swallow in his ear, and sent the arrow flying with a +whiz through the twelve iron rings of the line of axes; and then, +lastly, how, like to a god, he leapt on his own threshold with a shout, +and gathered his rags about him, and aided by the young Telemachus and +the divine Swineherd, sent hurtling into the band of wine-stained +rioters the swift arrows of inevitable death. + +Pleased with the tale, which the girls decided, in spite of Cyril's +veto, to be a genuine novel, they asked for a new Greek romance, and +Julian read to them from Herodotus about the rise and fall of empires, +and "Strange stories of the deaths of kings." One of his stories was +the famous one of Croesus, and the irony of his fate, and the warning +words of Solon, all of which, rendered into quaint rich English, struck +Cyril so much, that, mingling up the tale with reminiscences of +Longfellow's "Blind Bartimeus," he produced, with much modesty at the +breakfast-table next morning, the following very creditable boyish +imitation:-- + + "Speak Grecia's wisest, thou, 'tis said, + Full deeply in Life's page hast read, + And many a clime hath known my tread; + Tis pantoon olbiotatos? + + "The monarch raised his eager eye, + Gazed on the sage exultingly, + And slow came forth the calm reply + Tellos ho Atheenaios. + + "Upon his funeral pyre he lay + Crownless, his sceptre passed away, + The shade of Solon seem to say, + oudeis toon zoontoon holbios. + + "How little thought that Grecian sage + Those words should live from aye to aye, + Tis pantoon olbiotatos? + Tellos ho Atheenaios, + oudeis toon zoontoon holbios." + +[Note. These verses were really written by a boy of fourteen.] + +In a manner such as this the summer hours glided happily away. But all +things, happy or mournful, must come to an end, lest we should forget +God in our prosperity, or curse Him in our despair. Too quickly for all +their wishes their last Sunday in Switzerland had come. Most of them +had spent the day in thoughtful retirement or quiet occupations, and +both morning and evening they assembled together in their pleasant +sitting-room for matins and evensong. Their thoughts were full of the +coming separation, and it gave a deep interest to these last services; +for the Homes, unwilling to leave their mother and Frank so long alone +at Ildown, were to start for England on the following day, and the +Kennedys intended to visit Chamounix for two weeks more. + +On the Sunday evening they strolled down to the glacier to look once +again, for the last time, into its crevices, and wonder at its fairy +caverns, fringed with icicles, like rows of silver daggers, and ceiled +with translucent sapphire, beneath whose blue fretwork the stray +sunbeams lost their way amid ice-blocks of luminous green, and pillars +of lapis-lazuli and crystal. They sat on a huge boulder of granite, +which some avalanche had torn down, and tumbled from the mountain's +side, and there enjoyed the icy wind which tempered the warm evening +air, as it swept over the leaping waves of the glacier stream. + +"What a mixture of terror and beauty these monstrous glaciers are," said +Julian; "crawling down the valleys, and shearing away the solid rocks +before them like gigantic ploughshares." + +"Yes," said Eva. "When you look up at the tumbled pinnacles of those +seracs, does it not seem as if Summer had rent in anger with some great +ice-axe the huge enemy whom she could not quite destroy?" + +"And see," said Mr Kennedy, "how Nature gets out of these terrible +heaps of shattered ice both use and beauty; and since she must leave +them as the eternal fountains of her rivers, see how she tinges them +with her loveliest blue." + +They talked on until it was time to return, but Violet and Kennedy still +lingered, sitting on the vast boulder, under pretence of seeing the +sunset. + +"Well, don't get lost again, that's all," said Cyril sagely. + +"Oh no, we shall be back very soon," answered Violet, but she felt +instinctively that the "very soon" in time might measure an eternity of +emotion. + +Need we say that Kennedy and Violet had, since that night of wild +adventure, loved each other, hour by hour, with deeper affection? He +was young, and brave, and light-hearted, and of a pleasant countenance; +and she was a young, and confiding, and graceful, and lovely girl, and +they were drawn to one another with a love which absorbed all other +thoughts, and overpowered all other considerations; and it was +unspeakable happiness for each to know how lovely were all their acts, +and how dear were all their words in the other's eyes. And now that the +time was come to declare the love in words, and ratify it by a plighted +troth, there was something in the act so solemn as almost to disturb +their dream of a lover's paradise. + +They sat silent on the rock until the sun had set behind the peaks of +snow, and their eyes were filled with idle yet delicious tears. Ripples +of luminous sunshine, and banks of primrose-coloured cloud still +lingered on the path which the sun had traversed, and, when even these +began to fade, there stole along the hill crests above them a film of +tender colour, flinging a veil of the softest carnation over their cold +grey rocks, and untrodden fields of perpetual snow. + +"Look, Violet, at that rose-colour on the hills; does it not seem as it +rests on those chill ledges, as though Nature had said that her last act +to-day should be a triumph of glory, and her last thought a thought of +love?" + +Violet murmured an assent. + +"Oh, Violet," he continued, "you know that I love you, and I know that +you love me;--is it not so, Violet?" + +He hardly heard the "Yes," which came half like a sigh from her lips. + +"Violet, dear Violet, we part to-morrow; let me hear you say `Yes' more +clearly still." + +"You know I love you, Edward--did you not save my life?" + +"I know you love me," he repeated slowly, "but, oh Violet, I am not +worthy of you--I am not all you think me." There passed over his fair +forehead the expression of humiliation and pain which she had seen there +with wonder once or twice before. + +"You are good and noble, Edward," she answered; "I see you to be good +and noble, or I could not love you as I do." + +"No," he said, "alas! not good, not noble, Violet--in no wise worthy of +one so pure, and bright, and beautiful as you are." He bent his face +over her hand, and his warm tears fell fast upon it. "But," he +continued, "I will strive to be so hereafter, Violet, for your sweet +sake. Oh, can you take me as I am? Will you make me good and noble, +Violet, as Julian is? Can you let the sunshine of your life fall on the +shadow of mine?" + +She did not understand his passion as he raised to her his face, not +bright and laughing as it generally was, but stained with the traces of +many tears; she only knew that he had won her whole heart, and for one +moment she let her hand rest in the curls of the head which he had bent +once more. + +"Oh, Violet," he said, looking up again, "I can be anything if you love +me." In an instant the cloud had passed away from his face, and the old +sunshine brightened his blue eyes. For one instant their eyes met with +that lustrous and dewy love-gleam that only lovers know, but during that +instant it seemed as if their souls had flowed together into a common +fount. With a happy look she suffered him to take her hand, and draw +off from her finger a sapphire ring; this he put on his own finger, +while on hers he replaced it by the gold-set ruby, his mother's gift, +which he usually wore. + +The crescent moon had risen as they walked home, and they found the rest +of the party seated in the hotel garden, under her soft silver light; +but nobody seemed to be much in a mood for talking, until that little +monkey Cyril, who observed everything, exclaimed-- + +"Why, Julian, do look; Violet has got Kennedy's ring on, and--well, I +declare if he hasn't got hers." + +"Let us all come up-stairs," said Kennedy hastily and then, before them +all, he drew Violet to his side, and said-- + +"Julian, Violet and I are betrothed to each other." + +"As I thought," said Julian with a smile, as a rush of sudden emotion +made his eyes glisten, and he warmly grasped Kennedy's hand. + +"And as I hoped, Julian," said Mr Kennedy, as he turned away to wipe +his spectacles, which somehow had grown dim. + +The moonlight streamed over them as the two stood there together, young, +happy, hopeful, beautiful, and while Cyril held Kennedy's hand, Eva and +Violet exchanged a sister's kiss. + +And Julian looked on with a glow of happiness--happiness that had one +drawback only--a passing shadow of sorrow for the possible feelings of +De Vayne. + + + +CHAPTER NINETEEN. + +ONLY A BLUSH. + +"Erubuit! salva res est!"--Plautus. + +Back from the glistening snow-fields, where every separate crystal +flashes with a separate gleam of light--back from the Alpine pastures, +embroidered with their tissue of innumerable flowers, over which, like +winged flowers, the butterflies flutter continually--back from the +sunlit silver mantle of the everlasting hills, and the thunder of the +avalanche, and the wild leap of the hissing cataract--back to the cold +grey flats and ancient towers of Camford, and the lazy windings of the +muddy Iscam, and the strife and struggle of a university career. + +Kennedy arrived at Camford at mid-day, and as but few men had yet come +up, he beguiled the time by going out to make the usual formal call on +his tutor. As he passed the door of the room where temptation had +brought on him so many heavy hours, he could hardly repress an +involuntary shudder; but on the whole, he was in high spirits, and Mr +Grayson received him with something almost approaching to cordiality. + +"You did very well in the examination, Mr Kennedy; very well indeed. +With diligence you might have been head of your year--as it was, you +were in the first ten." + +"Was Owen head of the year, sir?" + +"No, Home was head; his brilliant composition, and thorough knowledge of +the books, brought him to the top. Either he or Owen were first in all +the papers except one." + +"Which was that, sir?" + +"The Aeschylus paper, in which you were first, Mr Kennedy; you did it +remarkably accurately. If you had seen the paper, you could hardly have +done it better." + +"Indeed! Would you give me a library order, sir?" said Kennedy, rising +abruptly, to change the subject. Mr Grayson was offended at this +sudden change of subject, and, silently writing the order, bade Kennedy +a cold "good morning." All that Kennedy hoped was that he would not +tell others as well as himself, the odious fact of his success. + +The thought damped his spirits, but he shook it off. The novelty of +returning as a junior soph, the pleasure of meeting the familiar faces +once more, the consciousness of that bright change of existence, which, +during the past vacation, had bound the golden thread of Violet's +destiny with his, filled him with inward exultation. And then there was +real delight in the warmth with which he was greeted by all alike. + +He found himself, very unexpectedly, a hero in the general estimation. +The romantic adventure on the Schilthorn had been rumoured about among +the numerous English visitors to the Valley of Lauterbrunnen, until it +had reached the editor of a local paper, and so had flowed through +_Galignani_ into the general stream of the English journals. True, the +names had been suppressed, but all the Saint Werner's men knew who was +intended by "Mr K dash y," and as he entered the hall there was a +murmur of applause. + +He was greeted on all sides with eager questions. + +"I say, Mr K dash y," said one, "did the fellow whom you shot die of +his wound?" + +"It was rather a chouse to shoot a cretin, though," said another, in +chaff. + +"I _didn't_ shoot him," said Kennedy. + +"No, you very leerily managed to make the other fellow shoot him. +Preserve me from my friends, must have been his secret reflections." + +"Have you kept the guns, Kennedy? You must let me have a look after +hall." + +While this kind of talk was going on, Brogten, who was nearly opposite +to Kennedy, sat silent, and watched him. + +He did not join in the remarks about the night adventure in Switzerland, +but when there was a slight pause in the fire of questions, he turned +the conversation to the subject of the May examination. + +"Those are not your only triumphs, Kennedy, it appears. You seem to +have been doing uncommonly well in the examination, too." + +"Oh aye, you were in the first ten," said Suton; "Mr Grayson told me +so." + +"Who was first?" asked Lillyston. + +"Oh, Home of course; except in one paper, and Kennedy was first in +that." + +"I believe that was the Aeschylus paper," said Brogten, throwing the +slightest unusual emphasis into his tone; "you were first in that, +weren't you, Kennedy?" + +The men were surprised to hear Brogten address him with such careless +familiarity, knowing the old quarrel that existed between them; and they +were still more surprised to hear Brogten interest himself about a topic +usually so indifferent to him as the result of an examination. It +seemed particularly strange that he should give himself any trouble to +inquire about the present list, because he himself had been _posted_, in +company with Hazlet and Lord Fitzurse, _i e_, their names had been +written up below the eighth class, as "_unworthy to be classed_." + +"Was I?" said Kennedy in the most careless tone he could assume. + +"Yes--really, didn't you know it? You did it so well that Grayson said, +you _couldn't have done the paper better if you had seen it +beforehand_." + +"I say, Kennedy, you _must_ have come out swell, then," said D'Acres, +"for Grayson said just the same thing to me." + +"How very odd," said Brogten, affectedly. "You _didn't_ see the papers +beforehand, Kennedy--did you?" + +The last few moments had been torture to Kennedy; he had moved uneasily; +the bright look of gratified triumph, which the allusions to his courage +had called forth, had gone out the moment the examination was mentioned, +and it was only by a painful and violent exercise of the will that he +was able to keep back the blood which had begun to rush towards his +cheeks. In the endeavour to check or suppress the blush, he had grown +ashy pale; but now that Brogten's dark and cruel eye was upon him--now +that the protruding underlip curled with a sneer that left no more room +to doubt that he _was_ master of Kennedy's guilty secret--the effort was +useless, and spite of will, the burning crimson of an uncontrollable +shame burst and flashed over Kennedy's usually clear and open face. It +was no ordinary blush--no common passage of colour over the cheeks. +Over face, and neck, and brow the guilty blood seemed to be crowding +tumultuously, and when it had filled every vein and fibre till it +swelled, then the rich scarlet seemed to linger there as though it would +never die away again, and if for an instant it began to fade, then the +hidden thought sent new waves of hot agony in fresh pulses to supply its +place. And all the while the conscious victim made matters worse by his +attempts to seem unconcerned, until his forehead was wet with heavy +perspiration. By that time the men had turned to other topics, and were +talking about Bruce's laziness, and the utter manner in which he must +have fallen off for his name to appear, as it had done, in the second +class; and, in course of time, Kennedy's face was as pale and cold as it +before had burned and glowed. + +And all this while, though he would not look--though he looked at his +plate, and at the busts over his head, and the long portraits of Saint +Werner's worthies on the walls, and on this side and on that--Kennedy +knew full well that Brogten's eye had been on him from beginning to end, +and that Brogten was enjoying, with devilish malignity, the sense of +power which he had gained from the knowledge of another's sin. The +thought was intolerable to him, and, finishing his dinner with hasty +gulps, he left the hall. + +"Brogten, how rude you were to Kennedy," said Lillyston. + +"Was I?" said Brogten, in a tone of sarcasm and defiance. + +"No wonder he blushed at your coarse insinuations." + +"No wonder," said Brogten, in the same tone; "am I the only person who +makes coarse insinuations, as you call them?" + +"It is just like you to do so." + +"Is it? Oh well, I shall have to make some more, perhaps, before I have +done." + +"Well, you'd better look out what you say to Kennedy, at any rate. He +is a fiery subject." + +"Thank you, I will." + +This wrangling was very unprofitable, and Lillyston gladly dropped it, +not however without feeling somewhat puzzled at the air which Brogten +assumed. + +That night Kennedy was sitting miserably in his room alone; he had +refused all invitations, and had asked nobody to take tea with him. He +was just making tea for himself, when Brogten came to see him. + +"May I stay to tea?" he asked, in mock humility. + +"If you like," said Kennedy. + +He stayed to tea, and talked about all kinds of subjects rather than the +one which was prominent in the thoughts of both. He told Kennedy old +Harton stories, and asked him about Marlby; he turned the subject to +Home, and really interested Kennedy by telling him what kind of a boy +Julian had been, and what inseparable friends he had always been with +Lillyston, and how admirably he had recited on speech-day, and how +stainless his whole life had been, and how vice and temptation seemed to +skulk away at his very look. + +"You are reconciled to him, then," said Kennedy in surprise. + +"Oh, yes. At heart, I always respected him. He wasn't a fellow to take +the worst view of one's character, you know, or to make nasty +innuendoes--" He stopped, and eyed Kennedy as a parrot eyes a finger put +into his cage, which he _could_ peck if he would. "He wasn't, you know, +a kind of fellow who would force you to leave the table by sneering at +you in hall--" He still continued to eye Kennedy, but in vain, for +Kennedy kept his moody glance on the table and was silent, and would not +look at him or speak to him. Brogten could not help being struck with +his appearance as he sat there motionless,--the noble and perfectly +formed head, the well-cut features, the cheek a little pale now, so +boyishly smooth and round, the latent powers of fire and sarcasm and +strength in the bright eye and beautiful lip. It was a base source of +triumph that made Brogten exult in the knowledge that this youth was in +his power; that he held for a time at least the strings of his happiness +or misery; that at any time by a word in any public place he could bring +on his fine features that hue of shame; that for his own purposes he +could at any time ruin his reputation, and put an end to his popularity. + +Not that he intended to do so. He had the power, but unless provoked, +he did not wish or mean to use it. It was far more luxurious to keep it +to himself, and use it as occasion might serve. Everybody's secret is +nobody's secret, and it was enough for Brogten to enjoy privately the +triumph he had longed for, and which accident had put into his hands. + +"Come, come, Kennedy," he said, "this is nonsense; we understand each +other. I saw you coolly read over the whole examination-paper, you +know, which wasn't the most honourable thing in the world to do--" + +He paused and half relented as he saw a solitary tear on Kennedy's +cheek, which was indignantly brushed away almost as soon as it had +started. + +"Come," he said, "cheer up, man. I'm not going to tell of you; neither +Grayson nor any of the men shall know it, and at present not a soul has +a suspicion of such a thing except ourselves. Come--I've had my triumph +over you, for your sharp words in hall last term, before all the men, +and that's all I wanted. Don't let's be enemies any longer. +Good-night." + +But Kennedy sat there passively, and when Brogten had gone away +whistling "The Rat-catcher's Daughter," he leant his head upon his hand, +and his thoughts wandered away to Violet Home. + +O holy, ennobling, purifying love! He felt that if he had known Violet +before, he should not now have been in Brogten's power. He fancied that +the secret had oozed out; he fancied that men eyed him sometimes with +strange glances; he pictured to himself the degradation he should feel +if Julian, or De Vayne, or Lillyston ever knew of what weakness he was +capable. This one error rode like a night-mare on his breast. + +But none of his gloomy presentiments on the score of detection were +fulfilled. Except to Bruce, and that under pledge of secrecy, Brogten +never betrayed what he knew, and the only immediate way in which he +exercised the influence which his knowledge gave him, was by claiming +with Kennedy a tone of familiarity, and asking him to card parties, +suppers, and idle riots of all kinds, in which Bruce and Fitzurse were +frequent visitors. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY. + +BRUCE THE TEMPTER. + +"Oui autrefois; mais nous avons change tout cela."--Moliere. + +Bruce was disgusted with his second class in the Saint Werner's May +examination. He had quite flattered himself that he could not fail to +be among the somewhat large number who annually obtained the pleasant +and easy distinction of a first. He had not been nearly so idle as men +supposed, although he had managed to waste a large amount of time; and +if he could have foreseen that his name would only appear in the Second +class, he would have endeavoured to be lower still, so as to make it +appear that he had not condescended to give a thought to the subject. +As it was, he hoped that if he got a first, men would remark, "Clever +fellow that Bruce! Never opened a book, and yet got a first class;" +whereas now he knew that the general judgment would be, "Bruce can't be +half such a swell as one fancied. He's only taken a second." + +His vanity was wounded, and he determined to throw up reading +altogether. "What good would it do him to grind? His father was +rolling in money, and of course he should cut a very good figure in +London when he had left Camford, which was a mere place for crammers and +crammed, etcetera." + +So Bruce became more and more confirmed as a trifler and an idler, and +he suffered that terrible ennui, which dogs the shadow of wasted time. +Associating habitually with men who were his inferiors in ability, and +whose tastes were lower than his own, the vacuity of mind and lassitude +of body, which at times crept over him, were the natural assistants of +every temptation to extravagance, frivolity, and sin. + +An accidental conversation gave a mischievous turn to his idle +propensities. Coming into hall one evening, he found himself seated +next to Suton, and observing from the goose on the table, and the audit +ale which was circling in the loving cup that it was a feast, he turned +to his neighbour, and asked:-- + +"Is it a saint's-day to-day?" + +"Yes," said Suton, "and the most memorable of them all--All Saints' +Day." + +"Oh, really," said Bruce with an expression of half contemptuous +interest, "then I suppose chapel's at a quarter past six, and we shall +have one of those long winded choral services." + +"Don't you like them?" + +"Like them? I should think not! Since one's forced to do a certain +amount of chapels, the shorter they are the better." + +"Of course, if you regard it in the light of `doing' so many chapels, +you won't find it pleasant." + +"Do you mean to tell me now," said Bruce, turning round and looking full +at Suton, "that you regard chapels as anything but an unmitigated +nuisance?" + +"Most certainly I do mean to tell you so, if you ask me." + +"Ah! I see--a Sim!" said Bruce, with the slightest possible shrug of +the shoulders. + +"I don't know what you mean by a `Sim,' Mr Bruce," said Suton, slightly +colouring; "but whether a Sim or not, I at least expect to be treated as +a gentleman." + +"Oh, I beg pardon," said Bruce; "but I couldn't help recognising the +usual style of--" + +"Of cant, I suppose you would say. Thank you. You must find it a cold +faith to disbelieve in all sincerity." + +"Well, I don't know. At any rate, I don't believe that all your saints +put together were really a bit better than their neighbours; so I can't +get up an annual enthusiasm in their honour. All men are really alike +at the bottom." + +"Nero's belief," said Owen, who had overheard the conversation. + +"It doesn't matter whether it was Nero's or Neri's or Neander's," +answered Bruce; "experience proves it to be true." + +Suton had finished dinner, and as he did not relish Bruce's off-hand and +patronising manner, he left the discussion in Owen's hand. But between +Owen and Bruce there was an implacable dissimilarity, and neither of +them cared to pursue the subject. + +Bruce, who went to wine with D'Acres, repeated there the subject of the +conversation, and found that most of his audience affected to agree with +him. In fact, he had himself set the fashion of a semi-professed +infidelity; and amid his most intimate associates there were many to +adopt with readiness a theory which saved them from the trouble and +expense of a scrupulous conscience. With Bruce this infidelity was +rather the decay of faith than the growth of positive disbelief. He had +dipped with a kind of wilful curiosity into Strauss's Life of Jesus, and +other books of a similar description, together with such portions of +current literature as were most clever in sneering at Christianity, or +most undisguised in rejecting it. + +Such reading--harmless, or even desirable, as it might have been to a +strong mind sincere in its search for truth, and furnished with that +calm capacity for impartial thought which is the best antidote against +error--was fatal to one whose superficial knowledge and irregular life +gave him already a powerful bias towards getting rid of everything which +stood in the way of his tendencies and pursuits. Bruce was not in +earnest in the desire for knowledge and wisdom: he grasped with avidity +at a popular objection, or a sceptical argument, without desiring to +understand or master the principles which rendered them nugatory; and he +was ignorant and untaught enough to fancy that the very foundations of +religion were shaken if he could attack the authenticity of some Jewish +miracle, or impugn the genuineness of some Old Testament book. + +When all belief was shaken down in his shallow and somewhat feeble +understanding, the structure of his moral convictions was but a baseless +fabric. Error in itself is not fatal to the inner sense of right; but +Bruce's error was not honest doubt, it was wilful self-deception, +blindness of heart, first deliberately induced, then penally permitted. + +In Bruce's character there was not only the _error in intellectu_, but +also the _pertinacia in voluntate_. All sense of honour, all delicacy +of principle, all perception of sin and righteousness, all the landmarks +of right and wrong, were obliterated in the muddy inundation of flippant +irreverence and ignorant disbelief. + + "For when we in our viciousness grow hard, + O, misery on't! the wise gods seal our eyes: + In our own filth drop our clear judgments, make us + Adore our errors, laugh at us while we strut + To our confusion." + +"I'm sometimes half inclined to agree with what you were saying about +would-be saints," said Brogten, as they left D'Acres' wine-party. + +"What fun it would be to try the experiment of a saint's peccability on +some living subject," said Bruce. + +"Rather! Suppose you try on that fellow Hazlet?" + +"Oh, you mean the lank party who snuffles the responses with such +oleaginous sanctimony. Well, I bet you 2 to 1 in ponies that I have him +roaring drunk before a month's over." + +"I won't take the bet," said Brogten, "because I believe you'll +succeed." + +"I'll t-t-take it for the fun," said Fitzurse. + +"Done, then!" said Bruce. + +So Bruce, _pour passer le temps_, deliberately undertook the corruption +of a human soul. That soul might have been low enough already; for +Hazlet was, as we have seen, mean-hearted and malicious, and in him, +although unknown to himself, the garb of the Pharisee but concealed the +breast of the hypocrite. But yet Hazlet _was_ free, and if Bruce had +not undertaken the devil's work, might have been free to his life's end, +from all gross forms of transgression--from all the more flagrant and +open delinquencies that lay waste the inner sanctities of a fallen human +soul. + +He was an easy subject for Bruce's machinations, and those machinations +were conceived and carried on with consummate and characteristic +cleverness. Bruce did not spread his net in the sight of the bird, but +set to work with wariness and caution. He determined to try the arts of +fascination, not of force. The thought of the desperate wickedness +involved in his attempt either never crossed his mind, or, if it did, +was rejected as the feeble suggestion of an over-scrupulous conscience. +Bruce pretended at least to fancy that the basis of all men's characters +was identical, and that, as they only differed in external +manifestations, it made very little difference whether Hazlet became +"fast" or continued "slow." "Fast" and "slow" were the mild euphemisms +with which Bruce expressed the slight distinction between a vicious and +a virtuous life. + +At hall--the grand place for rencontres--he managed to get a seat next +to his victim, and began at once to treat him with that appearance of +easy and well-bred familiarity which he had learnt in London circles. +He threw a gentle expression of interest into his face and voice, he +listened with deference to Hazlet's remarks, he addressed several +questions to him, thanked him politely for all his information, and then +adroitly introduced some delicate compliments on the agreeableness of +Hazlet's society. His bait took completely; Hazlet, whom most men +snubbed, was quite flustered with gratified vanity at the condescending +notice of so unexceptionable a man of fashion as the handsome and noted +Vyvyan Bruce. "At last," thought Hazlet, "men are beginning to +appreciate my intellectual powers." + +After continuing this process for some days, until Hazlet was +unalterably convinced that he must be a vastly agreeable and attractive +person, Bruce asked him to come to breakfast, and invited Brogten and +Fitzurse to meet him. He calculated justly that Hazlet, accustomed only +to the very quiet neighbourhood of a country village, would be duly +impressed with the presence and acquaintance of a live lord; and he +instructed both his guests in the manner in which they should treat the +subject of their experiment. Hazlet thought he had never enjoyed a +breakfast party so much. There was a delicious spice of worldliness in +the topics of conversation which was quite refreshing to him, accustomed +as he was to the somewhat droning moralisms of his "congenial friends." +Nothing which could deeply shock his prejudices was ever alluded to, but +the discussions which were introduced came to him with all the charm of +novelty and awakened curiosity. + +Hazlet never could endure being a silent or inactive listener while a +conversation was going forward. No matter how complete his ignorance of +the subject, he generally managed to hazard some remarks. Bruce talked +a good deal about actors and theatres, and Hazlet had never seen a +theatre in his life. He did not like, however, to confess this fact, +and, after a little hesitation, began to talk as if he were an habitue. +The dramatic criticisms, which he occasionally saw in the papers, +furnished him with just materials enough to amuse Bruce and the others +at his assumption of "savoir vivre," and to furnish a laugh at his +expense the moment he was gone; but of this he was blissfully +unconscious, and he rather plumed himself on his knowledge of the world. +He had yet to learn the lesson that consistency alone can secure +respect. He had indeed ventured at first to remark, "Don't you think +the stage a little--just a little--objectionable?" + +"Objectionable," said Bruce, with a bland smile; "oh, my dear fellow, +what can you mean? Why, the stage is a mirror of the world, and to show +virtue her own image is one of its main objects." + +"Yes," said Hazlet, "I am inclined to think so. I should like to see a +theatre, I confess." + +He had let slip unintentionally the implied admission that he had never +been to a theatre; but when Fitzurse asked in astonishment, "What, have +you never been to a theatre?" he merely replied, "Well, I can hardly say +I have; at least not for a long time." + +"Oh, then we must all run down to London some night very soon," said +Bruce, "and we'll go together to the Regent." + +"But I've no friend in London, except--except a clergyman or two, who +perhaps might object, you know." + +"Oh, never mind the clergymen," said Bruce; "you shall all come and stay +with me at Vyvyan House." + +Here was a triumph!--to go to the celebrated Vyvyan House, and that in +company with a lord, and to be a partaker of Bruce's hospitality! Of +course it would be very rude and wrong to refuse so eligible an +invitation. How pleasant it would be to remark casually at hall-time, +"I'm just going to run down for the Sunday to Vyvyan House with Bruce +and Lord Fitzurse!" + +"Let me see," said Bruce, "to-day's Monday; supposing you come to wine +with me on Thursday, and then we'll see if we can't manage to get to +London from Saturday to Monday." + +"Thursday--I'm afraid I've an engagement on Thursday to--" + +"To what?" asked Bruce. + +The more Hazlet coloured and hung back, the more Bruce, in his agreeable +way, pressed to know, till at last Hazlet, unable to escape such genial +importunity, reluctantly confessed that it was to a prayer-meeting in a +friend's rooms. + +"Oh," said Bruce, with the least little laugh, "tea and hassocks, eh?" +He said no more, but the little, scornful laugh, and the few scornful +words had done their work more effectually than a volume of ridicule. +It need not be added that Hazlet came, not to the prayer-meeting, but to +the wine-party. Cards were introduced in the evening, and one of the +players was Kennedy. Kennedy played often now, but he certainly did +feel a qualm of intense and irrepressible disgust as, with great +surprise, he found himself _vis a vis_ with the spectacled visage of +Jedediah Hazlet. + +"But how shall I get my exeat to go to London?" said Hazlet. + +"Oh, say a particular friend has invited you to spend the Sunday with +him. Say you want to hear Starfish preach." + +Mr Norton, Hazlet's tutor, who did not expect him to fall into +mischief, and thought that very likely Mr Starfish's eloquence might be +the operating attraction, granted him the exeat without any difficulty, +and on Saturday Hazlet was reclining in a first-class carriage, with +Bruce, Brogten, and Fitzurse, on his way to Vyvyan House. A change was +observable in his dress. Bruce had hinted to him that his usual garb +might look a little formal and odd at a theatre, and had persuaded him +to come to his own egregious Camford tailor, Mr Fitfop, who, as a +particular favour to his customer Bruce, produced with suspicious +celerity the cut-away coat and mauve-coloured pegtops, in which unwonted +splendour Hazlet was now arrayed. It was a pity that his ears were so +obturated with vanity as not to have heard the shrieks of half-stifled +laughter created by his first public appearance in this fashionable +guise, which only required to be completed by the death's-head pin with +which Bruce presented him, (and which therefore he was obliged to wear), +to make it perfect. + +The sumptuous and voluptuous richness of all the appointments in Vyvyan +House introduced Hazlet to a new world. Sir Rollo and Lady Bruce were +not in town, so that the four young men had the house entirely to +themselves, and Bruce ordered about the servants with royal energy. +Soon after their arrival they sat down to a choice dinner, and Bruce +took care, although the champagne had been abundant at dinner, to pass +pretty freely, at dessert, the best claret and amontillado of his +father's cellars. Hazlet was not slow to follow the example which the +others set him; he helped himself plentifully to everything, and after +dinner, lolling in an easy attitude, copied from Fitzurse, he even +ventured to exhibit his very recently acquired accomplishment of smoking +a weed. Very soon he imagined that he had quite made an impression on +the most fashionable members of the Saint Werner's world. + +They went to the Regent, and between the acts, Bruce, who knew +everything, introduced them behind the scenes. Hazlet, rather amazed at +his own boldness, but in reality entirely ignorant which way to turn, +necessarily followed his guides, and, exultant with the influence of +mellow wine, imitated the others, and tried to look and feel at home. +Within a month of Bruce's manipulation this excellent and gifted young +man, this truly gracious light in the youthful band of confessors, was +seated, talking to a fascinating young _danseuse_ who wore a gossamer +dress, behind the scenes of a petty London theatre. Bruce looked on +with a smile, and hummed to himself-- + + "Jene Tanzerinn + Fliegt, mit leichtem Sinn + Und noch leichtern Kleide + Durch den Saal der Freude + Wie ein Zephyr bin, _etcetera_." + +The head of Jedediah Hazlet was somewhat confused, when, after the play +and an oyster supper in the cider cellars, it sank deep into the +reposeful down of a spare chamber in the gay Sir Rollo Bruce's London +house. + +The next morning was Sunday. They none of them got up till twelve to a +languid breakfast, and then read novels. Hazlet, who was rather shocked +at this, did indeed faintly suggest going to church. "Oh yes," said +Bruce, looking up with a smile from his Balzac, "we'll do that, or some +other equally harmless amusement." The dinner hour, however, coincided +with the time of evening service, so that it was impossible to go then, +and finally they spent the evening in what they all agreed to call "a +perfectly quiet game at cards." + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY ONE. + +ONE OF THE SIMPLE ONES. + + "I tempted his blood and his flesh, + Hid in roses my mesh, + Choicest cates, and the flagon's best spilth." + Robert Browning. + +"Faugh," said Bruce, on his return to Camford, "that fellow Hazlet isn't +worth making an experiment upon--_in corpore vili_ truly; but the +creature is so wicked at heart, that even his cherished traditions +crumble at a touch. He's no game; he doesn't even run cunning." + +"Then I hope you'll p-p-pay me my p-p-p-ponies," said Fitzurse. + +"By no means; only I shall cut things short; he isn't worth playing; I +shall haul him in at once." + +Accordingly, Hazlet was invited once more to one of Bruce's parties-- +this time to a supper. It was one of the regular, reckless, uproarious +affairs--D'Acres, Boodle, Tulk, Brogten, Fitzurse, were all there, and +the elite of the fast fellow-commoners, and sporting men besides. Bruce +had privately entreated them all not to snub Hazlet, as he wanted to +have some fun. The supper was soon despatched, and the wine circled +plentifully. It was followed by a game of cards, during which the +punch-bowl stood in the centre of the table, rich, smoking, and crowned +with a concoction of unprecedented strength. Hazlet was quite in his +glory. When they had plied him sufficiently--which Bruce took care to +do by repeatedly replenishing his cup on the sly, so that he might fancy +himself to have taken much less than was really the case--they all drank +his health with the usual honours: + + "For he's a jolly good fe-el-low. + For he's a jolly good fe-el-low, + For he's a jolly good fe-el-l-ow-- + Which nobody can deny, + Which nobody can deny; + For he's a jolly good fe-el-low," etcetera. + +And so on, _ad infinitum_, followed by "Hip! hip! hip! hurrah! hurrah!! +hurrah!!!" and then the general rattling of plates on the table, and +breaking of wine-glass stems with knives of "boys who crashed the glass +and beat the floor." + +Hazlet was quite in the seventh heaven of exaltation, and made a feeble +attempt at replying to the honour in a speech; but he was in so very +oblivious and generally foolish a condition, that, being chiefly +accustomed to Philadelphus oratory, he began to address them as "My +Christian Friends;" and this produced such shouts of boisterous +laughter, that he sat down with his purpose unaccomplished. + +Before the evening was over, Bruce, in the opinion of all present, +including Fitzurse himself, had fairly won his bet. + +"I shan't mind p-p-paying a bit," said the excellent young nobleman; +"it's been such r-r-rare f-f-fun." + +Rare fun indeed! The miserable Hazlet, swilled with unwonted draughts, +lay brutally comatose in a chair. His head rolled from side to side, +his body and arms hung helpless and disjointed, his eyelids dropped--he +was completely unconscious, and more than fulfilled the conditions of +being "roaring drunk!" + +Now for some jolly amusement--the opportunity's too good to be lost! +What exhilaration there is on seeing a human soul imbruted and +grovelling hopelessly in the dirt or rather to have a body before you, +_without_ a soul for the time being--a coarse animal mass, swinish as +those whom the wand of Circe smote, but with the human intelligence +quenched besides, and the charactery of reason wiped away. Here, some +ochre and lamp-black, quick! There--plaster it well about the whiskers +and eyelids, and put a few patches on the hair! Magnificent!--he looks +like a Choctaw in his war-paint, after drinking fire-water. + +Screams of irrepressible laughter--almost as ghastly, (if the cause of +them be considered), as those that might have sounded round a witch's +cauldron over diabolical orgies--accompanied the whole proceeding. So +loud were they that all the men on the stair-case heard them, and fully +expected the immediate apparition of some bulldog, dean, or proctor. It +was nobody's affair, however, but Bruce's, and he must do as he liked. +Suton, who "kept" near Bruce, was one of those whom the uproar puzzled +and disturbed, as he sat down with sober pleasure to his evening's work. +His window was opposite Bruce's, and across the narrow road he heard +distinctly most of what was said. The perpetual and noisy repetition of +Hazlet's name perplexed him extremely, and at last he could have no +doubt that they were making Hazlet drunk, and then painting him; nor was +it less clear that many of them were themselves half intoxicated. + +It had of course been impossible for Suton and others of similar +character to avoid noticing the eccentricities of dress, and manner +which had been the outward indications of Hazlet's recent course. When +a man who has been accustomed to dress in black, and wear tail coats in +the morning, suddenly comes out in gorgeous apparel, and begins to talk +about cards, betting and theatres, his associates must be very blind, if +they do not observe that his theories are undergoing a tolerably +complete revolution. Suton saw with regret mingled with pity, Hazlet's +contemptible weakness, and he had once or twice endeavoured to give him +a hint of the ridicule which his metamorphosis occasioned; but Hazlet +had met his remarks with such silly arrogance, nay, with such a +patronising assumption of superiority, that he determined to leave him +to his own experiences. This did not prevent Suton from feeling a +strong and righteous indignation against the iniquity of those who were +inveigling another to his ruin, and he felt convinced that, as at this +moment Hazlet was being unfairly treated, it was his duty in some way to +interfere. + +He got up quietly, and walked over to Bruce's rooms. His knock produced +instant silence, followed by a general scuffle as the men endeavoured to +conceal the worst signs of their recent outrage. When Suton opened the +door, he was greeted with a groan of derision. + +"Confound you," said Bruce, "I thought it must be the senior proctor at +the very least." + +Without noticing his remark, Suton quietly said, "I see, Bruce, that you +have been treating Hazlet in a very unwarrantable way; he is clearly not +in a fit condition to be trifled with any more; you must help me to take +him home." + +"Ha! ha! rather a good joke. I shall merely shove him into the street, +if I do anything. What business has he to make a beast of himself in my +rooms?" + +"What business have you to do the devil's work, and tempt others to sin? +You will have a terrible reckoning for it, even if no dangerous +consequences ensue," said Suton sternly. + +"C-c-c-cant!" said Fitzurse. + +"Yes--what you call cant, Fitzurse. You shall hear some more, and +tremble, sir, while you hear it," replied Suton, turning towards him, +and raising his hand with a powerful but natural gesture; "it is this +`Woe unto him that giveth his neighbour drink, that putteth thy bottle +to him, and makest him drunken also--_thou art filled with shame for +glory_.'" + +"Bruce," said D'Acres, the least flushed of the party, "I really think +we ought to take the fellow home. Just look at him." + +Bruce looked, and was really alarmed at the grotesque yet ghastly +expression of that striped and sodden face, with the straight black +hair, and the head lolling and rolling on the shoulder. Without a word, +he took Hazlet by one arm, while Suton held the other, and D'Acres +carried the legs, and as quickly as they could they hurried along with +their lifeless burden to the gates of Saint Werner's. It was long past +the usual hour for locking up, and the porter took down the names of all +four as they entered. A large bribe which D'Acres offered was firmly, +yet respectfully refused, and they knew that next day they would be +called to account. + +Having put Hazlet to bed they separated; Suton bade the others a stiff +"Good-night;" and D'Acres as he left Bruce, said, "Bruce, we have been +doing a very blackguard thing." + +"Speak for yourself," said Bruce. + +"Good," said D'Acres, "and allow me to add that I have entered your +rooms for the last time." + +Next morning Suton spoke privately to the porter, and told him that it +would be best for many reasons not to report what had taken place the +night before, beyond the bare fact of their having come into college +late at night. The man knew Suton thoroughly and respected him; he knew +him to be a man of genuine piety, and the most regular habits, and +consented, though not without difficulty, to omit all mention of +Hazlet's state. All four had of course to pay the usual gate fine, and +D'Acres and Bruce were besides "admonished" by the senior Dean, but +Suton and Hazlet were not even sent for. The Dean knew Suton well, and +felt that his character was a sufficient guarantee that he had not been +in any mischief; Hazlet had been irregular lately, but the Dean +considered him a very steady man, and overlooked for the present this +breach of rules. + +Of course all Saint Werner's laughed over the story of Hazlet's +escapade. He did not know how to avoid the storm of ridicule which his +folly had stirred up. He had already begun to drop his "congenial +friends" for the more brilliant society to which Bruce had introduced +him, and so far from admitting that he felt any compunction, he +professed to regard the whole matter merely as "an amusing lark." Bruce +and the others hardly condescended to apologise, and at first Hazlet, +who found it impossible at once to remove all traces of the paint, and +who for a day or two felt thoroughly unwell, made a half-resolve to +resent their coolness. But now, deserted by his former associates, and +laughed at by the majority of men, he found the society of his tempters +indispensable for his comfort, and even cringed to them for the notice +which at first they felt inclined to withdraw. + +"Wasn't that trick on Hazlet a disgraceful affair, Kennedy?" said +Julian, a few days after. "Some one told me you were at the supper +party; surely it can't be true." + +"I was for about an hour," said Kennedy, blushing, "but I had left +before this took place." + +"May I say it, Kennedy?--a friend's, a _brother's_ privilege, you know-- +but it surprises me that you care to tolerate such company as that." + +"Believe me, Julian, I don't enjoy it." + +"Then why do you frequent it?" + +Kennedy sighed deeply and was silent for a time; then he said-- + + "Not e'en the dearest heart, and next our own, + Knows half the reasons why we smile or sigh." + +"True," said Julian; for he had long observed that some heavy weight lay +on Kennedy's mind, and with deep sorrow noticed that their intercourse +was less cordial, less frequent, less intimate than before. Not that he +loved Kennedy, or that Kennedy loved him less than of old, for, on the +contrary, Kennedy yearned more than ever for the full cherished +unreserve of their old friendship; but, alas there was not, there could +not be complete confidence between them, and where there is not +confidence, the pleasure of friendship grows dim and pale. And, besides +this, new tastes were growing up in Edward Kennedy, and, by slow and +fatal degrees, were developing into passions. + +Hazlet had come to Camford not so much innocent as ignorant. He had +never learnt to restrain and control the strong tendencies which, in the +quiet shades of Ildown, had been sheltered from temptation. A few +months before he would have heard with unmitigated horror the +delinquencies which he now committed without a scruple, and defended +without a blush. None are so precipitate in the career of sin and folly +as backsliders; none so unchecked in the downward course as those to +whom the mystery of iniquity is suddenly displayed when they have had +none of the gradual training whereby men are armed to resist its +seductions. + +Who does not know from personal observation that the cycle of sins is +bound together by a thousand invisible filaments, and that myriads of +unknown connections unite them to one another? Hazlet, when he had once +"forsaken the guide of his youth, and forgotten the covenant of his +God," did not stop short at one or two temptations, and yield only to +some favourite vice. With a rapidity as amazing as it was disastrous, +he developed in the course of two or three months into one of the most +shameless and dissipated of the worst Saint Werner's set. There was +something characteristic in the way in which he frothed out his own +shame, boasting of his infamous liberty with an arrogance which +resembled his former conceit in spiritual superiority. + +Julian, who now saw less of him than ever, had no opportunity of +speaking to him as to his course of life; but at last an incident +happened which persuaded him that further silence would be a culpable +neglect of his duty to his neighbour. + +Montagu, of Roslyn School, came up to Camford to spend a Sunday with +Owen, and Owen asked Julian and Lillyston to meet him. They liked each +other very much, and Julian rapidly began to regard Montagu as a real +friend. In order to see as much of each other as possible, they all +agreed to take a four-oar on the Saturday morning, and row to Elnham; at +Elnham they dined, and spent two pleasant hours in visiting the +beautiful cathedral, so that they did not get back to Camford till +eleven at night. + +Their way from the boats to Saint Werner's lay through a bad part of the +town, and they walked quickly, Owen and Montagu being a little way in +front. + +A few gas-lights were burning at long intervals in the narrow lane +through which they had to pass, and as they walked under one of them +they observed a group of four standing half in shadow. One of them +Julian instantly recognised as the very vilest of the Saint Werner "fast +men;" another was Hazlet; there could be no doubt as to the company in +which he was. + +For one second, Julian turned back to look in sheer astonishment,--he +could hardly believe the testimony of his own eyes. The figure which he +took to be Hazlet hastily retreated, and Julian half-persuaded himself +that he was mistaken. + +"Did you see who that was?" asked Lillyston sadly. + +"Yes," said Julian; "one of the simple ones; `but he knoweth not that +the dead are there, and that her guests are in the depths of hell.'" + +"You must speak to him, Julian." + +"I will." + +As Hazlet was out when he called, Julian wrote on his card, "Dear H, +will you come to tea at 8? Yours ever, J Home." + +At 8 o'clock accordingly Hazlet was seated, as he had not been for a +very long time, by Julian's fireside. Julian's conversation interested +him, and he could not help feeling a little humbled at the unworthiness +which prevented him from more frequently enjoying it. It was not till +after tea, when they had pulled their chairs to the fire, that Julian +said, "Hazlet, I was sorry to see you in bad company last night." + +"Me!" said Hazlet, feigning surprise. + +"You!" + +Hazlet saw that all attempt at concealment was useless. "For God's +sake, don't tell my mother, or any of the Ildown people," he said, +turning pale. + +"Is it likely I should? Yet my doing so would be the very least harm +that could happen to you, Hazlet, if you adopt these courses. I had +rather see you afraid of the sin than of the detection." + +Hazlet stammered out in self-defence one of those commonplaces which he +had heard but too often in the society of those who "put evil for good +and good for evil." + +Julian very quietly tore the miserable sophism to shreds, and said, +"There is but one way to describe these vices, Hazlet,--they are deadly, +bitter, ruinous." + +"Oh, they are very common. Lots of men--" + +"Tush!" said Julian; "their commonness, if indeed it be so, does not +diminish their deadliness. Not to put the question on the religious +ground at all, I fully agree with Carlyle that, on the mere +consideration of expedience and physical fact, nothing can be more +fatal, more calamitous than `to burn away in mad waste the divine aromas +and celestial elements from our existence; to change our holy of holies +into a place of riot; to make the soul itself hard, impious, barren.'" + +Hazlet, ashamed and bewildered, confused his present position with old +reminiscences, and muttered some balderdash about Carlyle "not being +sound." + +"Carlyle not sound?" said Julian; "good heavens! You can still retain +the wretched babblements of your sectarianism while your courses are +what they are!" + +He was inclined to drop the conversation in sheer disgust, but Hazlet's +pride was now aroused, and he began to bluster about the impertinence of +interference on Julian's part, and his right to do what he chose. + +"Certainly," said Julian, sternly, "the choice lies with yourself. Run, +if you will, as a bird to the snare of the fowler, till a dart strike +you through. But if you are dead and indifferent to your own miserable +soul, think that in this sin you cannot sin alone; think that you are +dragging down to the nethermost abyss others besides yourself. Remember +the wretched victims of your infamous passions, and tremble while you +desecrate and deface for ever God's image stamped on a fair human soul. +Think of those whom your vileness dooms to a life of loathliness, a +death of shame and anguish, perhaps an eternity of horrible despair. +Learn something of the days they are forced to spend, that they may +pander to the worst instincts of your degraded nature; days of squalor +and drunkenness, disease and dirt; gin at morning, noon, and night; +eating infection, horrible madness, and sudden death at the end. Can +you ever hope for salvation and the light of God's presence, while the +cry of the souls of which you have been _the murderer_--yes, do not +disguise it, the _murderer_, the cruel, willing, pitiless murderer--is +ringing upwards from the depths of hell?" + +"What do you mean by the murderer?" said Hazlet, with an attempt at +misconception. + +"I mean this, Hazlet; setting aside all considerations which affect your +mere personal ruin--not mentioning the atrophy of spiritual life and the +clinging sense of degradation which is involved in such a course as +yours--I want you to see if you will be honest, that the fault is yet +more deadly, because you involve _other_ souls and _other_ lives in your +own destruction. Is it not a reminiscence sufficient to kill any man's +hope, that but for his own brutality some who are now perhaps raving in +the asylum might have been clasping their own children to their happy +breasts, and wearing in unpolluted innocence the rose of matronly +honour? Oh, Hazlet, I have heard you talk about missionary societies, +and seen your name in subscription lists, but believe me you could not, +by myriads of such conventional charities, cancel the direct and awful +quota which you are now contributing to the aggregate of the world's +misery and shame." + +It took a great deal to abash a mind like Hazlet's. He said that he was +going to be a clergyman, and that it was necessary for him to see +something of life, or he would never acquire the requisite experience. + +"Loathly experience!" said Julian with crushing scorn. "And do you ever +hope, Hazlet, by centuries of preaching such as yours, to repair one +millionth part of the damage done by your bad passions to a single +fellow-creature? Such a hateful excuse is verily to carry the Urim with +its oracular gems into the very sty of sensuality, and to debase your +religion into `a procuress to the lords of hell.' I have done; but let +me say, Hazlet, that your self-justification is, if possible, more +repulsive than your sin." + +He pushed back his chair from the fire, and turned away, as Hazlet, with +some incoherent sentences about "no business of his," left the room, and +slammed the door behind him. + +What are words but weak motions of vibrating air? Julian's words passed +by the warped nature of Hazlet like the idle wind, and left no more +trace upon him than the snow-flake when it has melted into the purpling +sea. As the weeks went on, his ill-regulated passions grew more and +more free from the control of reason or manliness, and he sank +downwards, downwards, downwards, into the most shameful abysses of an +idle, and evil, and dissipated life. + +And the germ of that ruin was planted by the hand of the clever, and +gay, and handsome Vyvyan Bruce. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY TWO. + +DE VAYNE'S TEMPTATION. + + "And felt how awful goodness is, and virtue + In her own shape how lovely." + Milton's _Paradise Lost_. + +Shall I confess it? Pitiable and melancholy as was Hazlet's course, I +liked him so little as to feel for him far less than I otherwise should +have done. His worst error never caused me half the pain of Kennedy's +most venial fault. Must I then tell a sad tale of Kennedy too--my +brave, bright, beautiful, light-hearted Kennedy, whom I always loved so +well? May I not throw over the story of his college days the rosy +colourings of romance and fancy, the warm sunshine of prosperity and +hope? I wish I might. But I am writing of Camford--not of a divine +Utopia or a sunken Atalantis. + +Bruce, so far from being troubled by his own evil deeds, was proud of a +success which supported a pet theory of his infidel opinions. He made +no sort of secret of it, and laughed openly at the fool whom he had +selected for his victim. + +"But after all," said Brogten, who had plenty of common sense, "your +triumph was very slight." + +"How do you mean? I chose the most obtrusively religious man in Saint +Werner's, and, in the course of a very short time, I had him, of his own +will, roaring drunk." + +"And what's the inference?" + +"That what men call religion is half cant, half the accident of +circumstances." + +"Pardon me, you're out in your conclusion; it only shows that Hazlet was +a hypocrite, or at the best a weak, vain, ignorant fellow. The very +obtrusiveness and uncharitableness of his religion proved its unreality. +Now I could name dozens of men who would see you dead on the floor +rather than do as you have taught Hazlet to do--men, in fact, with whom +you simply _daren't_ try the experiment." + +"_Daren't_! why not?" + +"Why, simply because they breathe such a higher and better atmosphere +than either you or I, that you would be abashed by their mere presence." + +"Pooh! I don't believe it," said Bruce, with an uneasy laugh; "mention +any such man." + +"Well, Suton for instance, or Lord De Vayne." + +"Suton is an unpleasant fellow, and I shouldn't choose to try him, +because he's a bore. But I bet you what you like that I make De Vayne +drunk before a month's over." + +"Done! I bet you twenty pounds you don't." + +Disgusting that the young, and pure-hearted, and amiable De Vayne should +be made the butt of the machinations of such men as Bruce and Brogten! +But so it was. So it was; I could not invent facts like these. They +never could float across my imagination, or if they did, I should reject +them as the monstrous chimeras of a heated brain. I can conceive a +man's private wickedness,--the wickedness which he confines within his +own heart, and only brings to bear upon others so far as is demanded by +his own fancied interests; I can imagine, too, an open and willing +partnership in villainy, where hand joins in hand, and face answereth to +face. But that any knowing the plague of their own hearts, should +deliberately endeavour to lead others into sin, coolly and deliberately, +without even the blinding mist of passion to hide the path which they +are treading,--this, if I had not known that it was so, I could not have +conceived. The murderer who, atom by atom, continues the slow poisoning +of a perishing body for many months, and dies amid the yell of a +people's execration,--in sober earnest, before God, I believe he is less +guilty than he who, drop by drop, pours into the soul of another the +curdling venom of moral pollution, than he who feeds into full-sized +fury the dormant monsters of another's evil heart. Surely the devil +must welcome a human tempter with open arms. + +Of course Bruce had to proceed with Lord De Vayne in a manner totally +different from that which he had applied to Jedediah Hazlet. He felt +himself that the task was far more difficult and delicate, especially as +it was by no means easy to get access to De Vayne's company at all. +Julian, Lillyston, Kennedy, and a few others, formed the circle of his +only friends, and although he was constantly with _them_, he was rarely +to be found in other society. But this was a difficulty which a man +with so large an acquaintance as Bruce could easily surmount, and for +the rest he trusted to the conviction which he had adopted, that there +was no such thing as sincere godliness, and that men only differed in +proportion to the weakness or intensity of the temptations which +happened to assail them. + +So Bruce managed, without any apparent manoeuvring, to see more of De +Vayne at various men's rooms, and he generally made a point of sitting +next to him when he could. He had naturally a most insinuating address +and a suppleness of manner which enabled him to adapt himself with +facility to the tastes and temperaments of the men among whom he was +thrown. There were few who could make themselves more pleasant and +plausible when it suited them than Vyvyan Bruce. + +De Vayne soon got over the shrinking with which he had at first regarded +him, and no longer shunned the acquaintance of which he seemed desirous. +It was not until this stage that Bruce made any serious attempt to take +some steps towards winning his wager. He asked De Vayne to a dessert, +and took care that the wines should be of an insidious strength. But +the young nobleman's abstemiousness wholly defeated and baffled him, as +he rarely took more than a single glass. + +"You pass the wine, De Vayne; don't do that." + +"Thank you, I've had enough." + +"Come, come; allow me," said Bruce, filling his glass for him. + +De Vayne drank it out of politeness, and Bruce repeated the same process +soon after. + +"Come, De Vayne, no heel-taps," he said playfully, as he filled his +glass for him. + +"Thank you, I'd really rather not have any more." + +"Why, you must have been lending your ears to-- + + "`Those budge doctors of the Stoic fur, + Praising the lean and sallow abstinence;' + +"You take nothing. I shall abuse my wine-merchant." + +"You certainly seem as anxious as Comus that I should drink, Bruce," +said De Vayne, smiling; "but really I _mean_ that I wish for no more." + +Bruce saw that he had overstepped the bounds of politeness, and also +made a mistake by going a little too far. He pressed De Vayne no +longer, and the conversation passed to other subjects. + +"Anything in the papers to-day?" asked Brogten. + +"Yes, another case of wife-beating and wife-murder. What a dreadful +increase of those crimes there has been lately," said De Vayne. + +"Another proof," said Bruce, "of the gross absurdity of the +marriage-theory." + +De Vayne opened his eyes wide in astonishment. Knowing very little of +Bruce, he was not aware that this was a very favourite style of remark +with him,--indeed, a not uncommon style with other clever young +undergraduates. He delighted to startle men by something new, and +dazzle them with a semblance of insight and reasoning. "The gross +absurdity of the marriage-theory," thought De Vayne to himself; "I +wonder what on earth he can mean?" Fancying he must have misheard, he +said nothing; but Bruce, disappointed that his remark had fallen flat, +(for the others were too much used to the kind of thing to take any +notice of it), continued-- + +"How curious it is that the _whole_ of the arguments should be against +marriage, and yet that it should continue to be an institution. You +never find a person to defend it." + +"`_At quis vituperavit_?' as the man remarked, on hearing of a defence +of Hercules," said De Vayne. "I should have thought that marriage, like +the Bible, `needed no apology.'" + +"My dear fellow, it surely is an absurdity on the face of it? See how +badly it succeeds." + +Without choosing to enter on that question, De Vayne quietly remarked, +"You ask why marriage exists. Don't you believe that it was originally +appointed by divine providence, and afterwards sanctioned by divine +lips?" + +"Oh, if you come to that kind of ground, you know, and abandon the +aspect of the question from the side of pure reason, you've so many +preliminaries to prove; _e g_, the genuineness and authenticity of the +Pentateuch and the Gospels; the credibility of the narrators; the +possibility of their being deceived; the--" + +"In fact," said De Vayne, "the evidences of Christianity. Well, I trust +that I have studied them, and that they satisfy alike my reason and my +conscience." + +"Ah, yes! Well, it's no good entering on those questions, you know. I +shouldn't like to shock your convictions, as I should have to do if I +discussed with you. It's just as well after all--even in the nineteenth +century--not to expose the exotic flower of men's belief to the rude +winds of fair criticism. Picciola! it might be blighted, poor thing, +which would be a pity. Perhaps one does more harm than good by exposing +antiquated errors." And with a complacent shrug of the shoulders, and a +slight smile of self-admiration, Bruce leant back in his armchair. + +This was Bruce's usual way, and he found it the most successful. There +were a great many minds on whom it created the impression of immense +cleverness. "That kind of thing, you know, it's all exploded now," he +would say among the circle of his admirers, and he would give a little +wave of the hand, which was vastly effective--as if he "could an if he +would" puff away the whole system of Christianity with quite a little +breath of objection, but refrained from such tyrannous use of a giant's +strength. "It's all very well, you know, for parsons--though, by the +way, not half of the cleverest believe what they preach--but really for +men of the world, and thinkers, and acute reasoners"--(oh, how agreeable +it was to the Tulks and Boodles to be included in such a +category)--"why, after such books as Frederic of Suabia `De Tribus +Impostoribus,' and Strauss' `Leben Jesu,' and De Wette, and Feuerbach, +and Van Bohlen, and Nork, one can't be expected, you know, to believe +such a mass of traditionary rubbish." (Bruce always professed +acquaintance with German writers, and generally quoted the titles of +their books in the original; it sounded so much better; not that he had +read one of them, of course.) And they _did_ think him _so_ clever when +he talked in this way. Only think how wise he must be to know such +profound truths! + +But so far from Bruce's hardly-concealed contempt for the things which +Christians hold sacred producing any effect on Lord De Vayne, he +regarded it with a silent pity. "I hate," thought he, "when Vice can +bolt her arguments, and Virtue has no tongue to check her pride." The +annoying impertinence, so frequent in argument, which leads a man to +speak as though, from the vantage-ground of great intellectual +superiority to his opponent, the graceful affectation of dropping an +argument out of respect for prejudices which the arguer despises, or an +incapacity which the arguer implies--this merely personal consideration +did not ruffle for a moment the gentle spirit of De Vayne. But that a +young man--conceited, shallow, and ignorant--should profess to settle +with a word the controversies which had agitated the profoundest +reasons, and to settle with a sneer, the mysteries before which the +mightiest thinkers had veiled their eyes in reverence and awe; that he +should profess to set aside Christianity as a childish fable not worthy +a wise man's acceptance, and triumph over it as a defeated and deserted +cause; this indeed filled De Vayne's mind with sorrow and disgust. So +far from being impressed or dazzled by Bruce's would-be cleverness, he +sincerely grieved over his impudence and folly. + +"Thank you, Bruce," he said, after a slight pause, and with some +dignity, "thank you for your kind consideration of my mental +inferiority, and for the pitying regard which you throw, from beside +your nectar, on my delicate and trembling superstitions. But don't +think, Bruce, that I admit your--may I call it?--impertinent assumption +that all thinking men have thrown Christianity aside as an exploded +error. Some shadow of proof, some fragment of reason, would be more +satisfactory treatment of a truth which has regenerated the world, than +foolish assertion or insolent contempt. Good-night." + +There was something in the manner of De Vayne's reproof which +effectually quelled Bruce, while it galled him; yet, at the same time, +it was delivered with such quiet good taste, that to resent it was +impossible. He saw, too, not without vexation, that it had told +powerfully on the little knot of auditors. The wine-party soon broke +up, for Bruce could neither give new life to the conversation, nor +recover his chagrin. + +"So-ho!" said Brogten, when they were left alone, "I shall win my bet." + +"Hanged if you shall," said Bruce, with an oath of vexation. In fact, +not only was he determined not to be foiled in proving his wisdom and +power of reading men's characters, but he was wholly unable to afford +any payment of the bet. Bruce could get unlimited credit for goods, on +the reputation of his father's wealth, but money-dealers were very +sharp-eyed people, and he found it much less easy to get his +promissory-notes cashed. It was a matter of etiquette to pay at once +"debts of honour," and his impetuous disposition led him to take bets so +freely that his ready money was generally drained away very soon after +his return. Not long before he had written to his father for a fresh +supply, but, to his great surprise, the letter had only produced an +angry and even indignant reproof. "Vyvyan," (his father had written-- +not even `dear Vyvyan'), "I allow you 500 pounds a year, a sum totally +out of proportion with your wants, and yet you are so shamefully +extravagant as to write without a blush to ask me for more. Don't +presume to do it again on pain of my heavy displeasure." This letter +had so amazed him that he did not even answer it, nor, in spite of his +mother's earnest, urgent, and almost heart-rending entreaties, post by +post, would he even condescend to write home for many weeks. It was the +natural result of the way in which at home they had pampered his vanity, +and never checked his faults. + +But, for these reasons, it was wholly out of Bruce's power to pay +Brogten the bet, if he failed in trying to shake the temperance of De +Vayne. He saw at once that he had mistaken his subject; he took De +Vayne for a man whose goodness and humility would make him pliant to all +designs. + +A dark thought entered Bruce's mind. + +He went alone into a druggist's shop, and said, with a languid air, "I +have been suffering very much from sleeplessness lately, Mr Brent; I +want you to give me a little laudanum." + +"Very well, sir. You must be careful how you use it." + +"Oh, of course. How many drops would make one drowsy, now?" + +"Four or five, sir, I should think." + +"Well, you must give me one of those little bottles full. I want to +have some by me, to save trouble." + +The chemist filled the bottle, and then said, "I'm afraid I'm out of my +poison labels, sir. I'll just write a little ticket and tie it on." + +"All right;" and putting it in his pocket, Bruce strolled away. + +But how to see De Vayne again? He thought over their common +acquaintances, and at last fixed on Kennedy as the likeliest man on whom +he could depend to secure another meeting. Yet he hardly liked to +suggest that Kennedy should give a wine-party, and ask De Vayne and +himself; so that he was rather puzzled. + +"I say, Brogten, how is it that we are always asking Kennedy to our +rooms, and he so very seldom asks us?" + +"I suppose because he isn't over-partial to our company." + +"Why not?" said Bruce, who considered himself very fascinating, and +quite a person whose society was to be courted; "and if so, why does he +come to our rooms?" + +Brogten might, perhaps, have thrown light on the subject had he chosen. + +"Well," he said, "I'll give him a hint." + +"Do; and get him to ask De Vayne." + +Brogten did so; Kennedy assented to asking Bruce, though he listened to +Brogten's hints, (which he instantly understood), with a sullenness +which but a short time before had no existence, not even a prototype, in +his bright and genial character. But when it came to asking De Vayne, +he simply replied to Brogten's suggestion flatly: + +"I will not." + +"Won't you? but why?" + +"Why? because I suspect you and that fellow Bruce of wishing to treat +him as you treated Hazlet." + +"I've no designs against him whatever." + +"Well, I won't ask him,--that's flat." + +"Whew-ew-ew-ew-ew!" Brogten began to whistle, and Kennedy relieved his +feelings by digging the poker into the fire. And then there was a +pause. + +"I want you to ask De Vayne." + +"And I tell you I won't ask him." + +"Whew-w-w-w!" Another long whistle, during which Kennedy mashed and +battered the black lumps that smouldered in the grate. + +"Whew-ew-ew-ew! Oh, very well." Brogten left the room. At hall that +day, Brogten took care to sit near Kennedy again, and the old scene was +nearly re-enacted. He turned the conversation to the Christmas +examination. "I suppose you'll be very high again, Kennedy." + +"No," said he, curtly. "I've not read, and you know that as well as I +do." + +"Oh, but you hadn't read much last time, and you may do some particular +paper very well, you know. I wish there was an Aeschylus paper; you +might be first, you know, again." + +Kennedy flung down his knife and fork with a curse, and left the hall. +Men began to see clearly that there must have been some mystery attached +to the Aeschylus paper, known to Brogten and Kennedy, and very +discomfiting to the latter. But as _Kennedy_ was concerned, they did +not suspect the truth. + +Brogten went straight from hall to Kennedy's rooms. He found the door +sported, but knew as well as possible that Kennedy was in. He hammered +and thumped at the door a long time with sundry imprecations, but +Kennedy, moodily resolute, heard all the noise inside, and would not +stir. Then Brogten took out a card and wrote on the back, "I think +you'll ask De Vayne," and dropped it into the letter-box. + +That evening he found in his own letter-box a slip of paper. "De Vayne +is coming to wine with me to-morrow. Come, and the foul fiend take you. +_I have filled my decanters half-full of water_, and won't bring out +more than one bottle. E K." + +Brogten read the note and chuckled,--partly with the thought of Kennedy, +partly of Bruce, partly of De Vayne. Yet the chuckle ended in a very +heavy sigh. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY THREE. + +KENNEDY'S WINE-PARTY, AND WHAT CAME OF IT. + + "Et je n'ai moi + Par la sang Dieu! + Ni foi, ni loi, + Ni jeu, ni lieu, + Ni roi, ni Dieu." + Victor Hugo, _Notre Dame de Paris_. + + "Nay, that's certain but yet the pity of it, + Iago!--O Iago, the pity of it, Iago!" + Othello, Act 4, Scene 1. + +"Are you going to Kennedy's, Julian?" asked De Vayne. + +"No." + +"I wish he'd asked you." + +Julian a little wondered why he had not, but remembered, with a sigh, +that there was _something_, he knew not what, between him and Kennedy. +Yet Kennedy was engaged to Violet! The thought carried him back to the +beautiful memories of Grindelwald and Murrem,--perhaps of Eva Kennedy: I +will not say. + +As De Vayne glanced round at the men assembled at Kennedy's rooms, he +felt a little vexation, and half wished he had not come. Why on earth +did Kennedy see so much of these Bruces and Brogtens when he was so +thoroughly unlike them? But De Vayne consoled himself with the +reflection that the evening could not fail to be pleasant, as Kennedy +was there; for he liked Kennedy both for Julian's sake and for his own. +Happily for him he did not know as yet that Kennedy was affianced to +Violet Home. + +Kennedy sat at the end of the table with a gloomy cloud on his brow. +"Here, De Vayne," he said; "I'm so really glad to see you at last. Sit +by me--here's a chair." + +De Vayne took the proffered seat, and Bruce immediately seated himself +at his left hand. At first, as the wine was passed round, there seemed +likely to be but little conversation, but suddenly some one started the +subject of a "_cause celebre_" which was then filling the papers, and +Kennedy began at once to discuss it with some interest with De Vayne, +who sat nearly facing him, almost with his back turned to Bruce, who did +not seem particularly anxious to attract De Vayne's attention. + +"What execrable wash," said Brogten, emptying his glass. + +De Vayne, surprised and disgusted at the rudeness of the remark, turned +hastily round, and, while Bruce as hastily withdrew his hand, raised the +wine-glass to his lips. + +"Stop, stop, De Vayne," said Bruce eagerly; "there's a fly in your +glass." + +"I see no fly," said De Vayne, glancing at it, and immediately draining +it, with the intention of saying something to smooth Kennedy's feelings, +which he supposed would have been hurt by Brogten's want of common +politeness. + +"I think it very--" Why did his words fail, and what was the reason of +that scared look with which he regarded the blank faces of the other +undergraduates? And what is the meaning of that gasp, and the rapid +dropping of the head upon the breast, and the deadly pallor that +suddenly put out the fair colour in his cheeks? There was no fly--but, +good heavens! was there death in the glass? + +The whole party leapt up from their places, and gathered round him. + +"What is the matter, De Vayne?" said Kennedy tenderly, as he knelt down +and supported the young man in his arms. But there was no answer. +"Here D'Acres, or somebody, for heaven's sake fetch a doctor; he must +have been seized with a fit." + +"_What have you been doing, Bruce_?" thundered Brogten. + +"Bruce doing!" said Kennedy wildly, as he sprang to his feet. "By the +God above us, if I thought this was any of your devilish machinations, I +would strike you to the earth!" + +"Doing? I?" stammered Bruce. "What do you mean?" He trembled in every +limb, and his face was as pale as that of his victim; yet, though +perhaps De Vayne's life depended on it, the young wretch would not say +what he had done. He had meant but to put four or five drops into his +glass, but De Vayne had turned round suddenly and startled him in the +very act, and in the hurried agitation of the moment, his hand had +slipped, and he had poured in all the contents of the bottle, with +barely time to hurry it empty into his pocket, or to prevent the +consequences of what he had done, when De Vayne lifted the glass to his +lips. + +The men all stood round De Vayne and Kennedy in a helpless crowd, and +Kennedy said, "Here, fetch a doctor, somebody, and let all go except +D'Acres; so many are only in the way." + +The little group dispersed, and two of them ran off to find a doctor; +but Bruce stood there still with open mouth, and a countenance as pale +in its horror as that of the fainting viscount. He was anxious to tell +the truth about the matter in order to avert worse consequences, and yet +he dared not--the words died away upon his lips. + +"Don't stand like that, Bruce," said Brogten indignantly, "the least you +can do is to make yourself useful. Go and get the key of De Vayne's +rooms from the porter's lodge. Stop, though! it will probably be in his +pocket. Yes, here it is. Run and unlock his door, while we carry him +to bed." + +Bruce took the key with trembling hand, and shook so violently with +nervous agitation that he could hardly make his way across the court. +The others carried De Vayne to his bedroom as quickly as they could, and +anxiously awaited the doctor's arrival. The livid face, with the dry +foam upon the lips, filled them with alarm, but they had not any +conception what to do, and fancied that De Vayne was in a fit. + +It took Dr Masham a very short time to see that his patient was +suffering from the influence of some poison, and when he discovered +this, he cleared the room, and at once applied the proper remedies. But +time had been lost already, and he was the less able to set to work at +first from his complete ignorance of what had happened. He sat up all +night with his patient, but was more than doubtful whether it was not +too late to save his life. + +The news that De Vayne had been seized with a fit at Kennedy's rooms +soon changed into a darker rumour. Men had not forgotten the affair of +Hazlet, and they suspected that some foul play had been practised on one +whom all who knew him loved, and whom all, though personally +unacquainted with him, heartily respected. That this was really the +fact soon ceased to be a secret; but who was guilty, and what had been +the manner or motives of the crime remained unknown, and this +uncertainty left room for the wildest surmises. + +The dons were not slow to hear of what had happened, and they regarded +the matter in so serious a light, that they summoned a Seniority for its +immediate investigation. Kennedy was obviously the first person of whom +to make inquiries, and he told them exactly what had occurred, viz, that +De Vayne after drinking a single glass of wine, fell back in his chair +in the condition wherein he still continued. "Was anything the matter +with the wine, Mr Kennedy?" asked Mr Norton, who, as one of the +tutors, had a seat on the board. + +"Nothing, sir; it was the same which we were all drinking." + +"And without any bad effects?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"But, Mr Kennedy, there seems strong reason to believe that some one +drugged Lord De Vayne's wine. Were you privy to any such plan?" + +"No, sir--not exactly," said Kennedy slowly, and with hesitation. + +"Really, sir," said the Master of Saint Werner's, "such an answer is +grossly to your discredit. Favour us by being more explicit; what do +you mean by `not exactly'?" + +Kennedy's passionate and fiery pride, which had recently increased with +the troubles and self-reprobation of his life, could ill brook such +questioning as this, and he answered haughtily: + +"I was not aware that anything of _this_ kind was intended." + +"Anything of _this_ kind; you _did_ then expect something to take +place?" + +"I thought I had taken sufficient precautions against it." + +"Against _it_; against _what_?" asked Mr Norton. + +Kennedy looked up at his questioner, as though he read in his face the +decision as to whether he should speak or not. He would hardly have +answered the Master or any of the others, but Mr Norton was his friend, +and there was something so manly and noble about his look and character, +that Kennedy was encouraged to proceed, and he said slowly: + +"I suspected, sir, that there was some intention of attempting to make +De Vayne drunk." + +"You suspected that," said Mr Norton with astonishment and scorn, "and +yet you lent _your_ rooms for such a purpose. I am ashamed of you, +Kennedy; heartily, and utterly ashamed." + +Kennedy's spirit was roused by this bitter and public apostrophe. "I +lent my rooms for no such purpose; on the contrary, if it existed, I did +my best to defeat it." + +"What made you suspect it?" asked Dr Rhodes, the Master. + +"Because a similar attempt was practised on another." + +"At which it seems that you were present?" + +"I was not." Kennedy was too fiercely angry to answer in more words +than were absolutely required. + +"I am sorry to say, Mr Kennedy, you have not cleared yourself from the +great disgrace of giving an invitation, though you supposed that it +would be made the opportunity for perpetrating an infamous piece of +mischief. Can you throw no more light on the subject?" + +"None." + +"Will you bring the decanter out of which Lord De Vayne drank?" said one +of the seniors after a pause, and with an intense belief in the +acuteness of the suggestion. + +"I don't see what good it will do, but I will order my gyp to carry it +here if you wish." + +"Do so, sir. And let me add," said the Master, "that a little more +respectfulness of manner would be becoming in your present position." + +Kennedy's lip curled, and without answer he left the room to fetch the +wine, grimly chuckling at the effect which the mixture would produce on +Mr Norton's fastidious taste. When he reached his rooms, he stumbled +against the table in his hurry, and upset a little glass dish which held +his pencils, one of which rolled away under the fender. In lifting the +fender to pick it up, a piece of paper caught his eye, which the +bedmaker in cleaning the room had swept out of sight in the morning. He +looked at it, and saw in legible characters, "Laudanum, Poison." It was +the label which had been loosely tied on Bruce's phial, and which had +slipped off as he hurried it into his pocket. + +He read it, and as the horrid truth flashed across his mind, stood for a +moment stupefied and dumb. His plan was instantly formed. Instead of +returning to the conclave of Seniors he ran straight off to the +chemist's, which was close by Saint Werner's. + +"Do you know anything of this label?" he said, thrusting it into the +chemist's hands. + +"Yes," said the man, after looking at it for a moment; "it is the label +of a bottle of laudanum which I sold yesterday morning to Mr Bruce of +Saint Werner's." + +Without a word, Kennedy snatched it from him, and rushed back to the +Seniority, who were already beginning to wonder at his long absence. He +threw down the piece of paper before. Mr Norton, who handed it to the +Master. + +"I found that, sir, on the floor of my room." + +"And you know nothing of it?" + +"Yes. It belongs to a bottle purchased yesterday by Bruce." + +Amazement and horror seemed to struggle in the minds of the old +clergymen and lecturers as they sat at the table. + +"We must send instantly for this young man," said Mr Norton; and in ten +minutes Bruce entered, pale indeed, but in a faultless costume, with a +bow of easy grace, and a smile of polite recognition towards such of the +board as he personally knew. He was totally unaware of what had been +going on during Kennedy's cross-examination. + +"Mr Bruce," said Mr Norton, to whom they all seemed gladly to resign +the task of discovering the truth, "do you know anything of the cause of +Lord De Vayne's sudden attack of illness last night?" + +"I, sir? Certainly not." + +"He sat next to you, did he not?" + +"He did, I believe. Yes. I can't be quite sure--but I think he did." + +"You know he did as well as I do," said Kennedy. + +"Mr Kennedy, let me request you to be silent. Mr Bruce, had you any +designs against Lord De Vayne?" + +"Designs, sir? Excuse me, but I am at a loss to understand your +meaning." + +"You had no intention then of making him drunk?" + +"Really, sir, you astonish me by such coarse imputations. Is it you," +he said, turning angrily to Kennedy, "who have been saying such things +of me?" + +Kennedy deigned no reply. + +"I should think the testimony of a man who doesn't scruple secretly to +read examination-papers before they are set, ought not to stand for +much." Brogten, as we have already mentioned, had revealed to him the +secret of Kennedy's dishonour. This remark fell quite dead: Kennedy sat +unmoved, and Mr Norton replied-- + +"Pray don't introduce your personal altercations here, Mr Bruce, on +irrelevant topics. Mr Bruce," he continued, suddenly giving him the +label, "have you ever seen that before?" + +With a cry of agony, Bruce saw the paper, and struck his forehead with +his hand. The sudden blow of shameful detection with all its train of +consequences utterly unmanned him, and falling on his knees, he cried +incoherently-- + +"Oh! I did it, I did it. I didn't mean to; my hand slipped: indeed, +indeed it did. For God's sake forgive me, and let this not be known. I +will give you thousands to hush it up--" + +A general exclamation of indignation and disgust stopped his prayers, +and the Master gave orders that he should be removed and watched. He +was dragged away, tearing his hair and sobbing like a child. Kennedy, +too, was ordered to retire. + +It took the Seniors but a short time to deliberate, and then Bruce was +summoned. He would have spoken, but the Master sternly ordered him to +be silent, and said to him: + +"Vyvyan Bruce, you are convicted by your own confession, extorted after +deliberate falsehood, of having wished to drug the wine of a +fellow-student for the purpose of entrapping him into a sin, to which +you would otherwise have failed to tempt him. What fearful results may +follow from your wickedness we cannot yet know, and you may have to +answer for this crime before another tribunal. Be that as it may, it is +hardly necessary to tell you that your time as a student at Saint +Werner's has ended. You are expelled, and I now proceed to erase your +name from the books." (Here the Master ran his pen two or three times +through Bruce's signature in the college register). "Your rooms must be +finally vacated to-morrow. You need say nothing in self-defence, and +may go." As Bruce seemed determined to plead his own cause, they +ordered the attendant to remove him immediately. + +Kennedy was then sent for, and they could not help pitying him, for he +was a favourite with them all. + +"Mr Kennedy," said the senior Dean, "the Master desires me to admonish +you for your very culpable connivance--for I have no other name for it-- +in the great folly and wickedness of which Bruce has been convicted--" + +"I did _not_ connive," said Kennedy. + +"Silence, sir!" + +"But I will _not_ keep silence; you accuse me falsely." + +"We shall be obliged to take further measures, Mr Kennedy, if you +behave in this refractory way." + +"I don't care what measures you take. I cannot listen in silence to an +accusation which I loathe--of a crime of which I am wholly innocent." + +"Why, sir, you confessed that you suspected some unfair design." + +"But not this design. Proceed, sir; I will not interrupt you again; but +let me say that I am totally indifferent to any blame which you throw on +me for a brutality of which the whole responsibility rests on others." + +The thread of the Dean's oration was quite broken by Kennedy's impetuous +interruption, and he merely added--"Well, Mr Kennedy, I am sorry to see +you so little penitent for the position in which you have placed +yourself. You have disappointed the expectation of all your friends, +and however you may brazen it out, your character has contracted a +stain." + +"You can say so, sir, if you choose," said Kennedy; and he left the room +with a formal bow. + +A few days after, Mr Grayson asked him to what Bruce had alluded in his +insinuation about an examination-paper. + +"He alludes, sir, to an event which happened some time ago." + +Further questions were useless; nevertheless Kennedy saw that his +tutor's suspicions were not only aroused, but that they had taken the +true direction. Mr Grayson despised him, and in Saint Werner's he had +lost caste. + +That evening Bruce vanished from Camford, with the regrets of few except +his tailors and his duns. To this day he has not paid his college debts +or discharged the bill for the gorgeous furniture of his rooms. But we +shall hear of him again. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR. + +DE VAYNE'S CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS. + + "He that for love hath undergone + The worst that can befall, + Is happier thousandfold than one + Who never loved at all. + + "A grace within his soul hath reigned, + Which nothing else can bring; + Thank God for all that I have gained + By that high suffering." + Moncton Manes. + +For many days Lord De Vayne seemed to be hovering between life and +death. The depression of his spirits weighed upon his frame, and +greatly retarded his recovery. That he, unconscious as he was of ever +having made an enemy--good and gentle to all--with no desire but to love +his neighbour as himself, and to devote such talents and such +opportunities as had been vouchsafed him to God's glory and man's +benefit;--that _he_ should have been made the subject of a disgraceful +wager, and the butt of an infamous experiment; that in endeavouring to +carry out this nefarious plan, any one should have been so wickedly +reckless, so criminally thoughtless;--this knowledge lay on his +imagination with a depression as of coming death. De Vayne had been but +little in Saint Werner's society, and had rarely seen any but his few +chosen friends; and that such a calamity should have happened in the +rooms and at the table of one of those friends,--that Kennedy, whom he +so much loved and admired, should be suspected of being privy to it;-- +this fact was one which made De Vayne's heart sink within him with +anguish and horror, and a weariness of life. + +And in those troubled waters of painful thought floated the broken +gleams of a golden phantasy, the rainbow-coloured memories of a secret +love. They came like a light upon the darkened waves, yet a light too +feeble to dissipate the under gloom. Like the phosphorescent flashes in +the sea at midnight, which the lonely voyager, watching with interest as +they glow in the white wake of the keel, guesses that they may be the +heralds of a storm,--so these bright reminiscences of happier days only +gave a weird beauty to the tumult of the sick boy's mind; and the +mother, as she sat by him night and day during the crisis of his +suffering, listened with a deeper anxiety for future trouble to the +delirious revelations of his love. + +For Lady De Vayne had come from Other Hall to nurse her sick son. She +slept on a sofa in his sitting-room, and nursed him with such tenderness +as only a mother can. There was no immediate possibility of removing +him; deep, unbroken quiet was his only chance of life. The silence of +his sick-room was undisturbed save by the softest whispers and the +lightest footfalls, and the very undergraduates hushed their voices, and +checked their hasty steps as they passed in the echoing cloisters +underneath, and remembered that the flame of life was flickering low in +the golden vase. + +De Vayne was much beloved, and nothing could exceed the delicacy of the +attention shown him. Choice conservatory flowers were left almost daily +at his door, and men procured rare and rich fruits from home or from +London, not because De Vayne needed any such luxuries, which were easily +at his command, but that they might show him their sympathy and +distress. Several ladies more or less connected with Saint Werner's +offered their services to Lady De Vayne, but she would not leave her +son, in whose welfare and recovery her whole thoughts were absorbed. + +And so, gloomily for the son and mother, the Christmas holidays came on, +and Saint Werner's was deserted. Scarcely even a stray undergraduate +lingered in the courts, and the chapel was closed; no sound of choir or +organ came sweetly across the lawns at morning or evening; the ceaseless +melancholy plash of the great fountain was almost the only sound that +broke the stillness. Julian, Lillyston, and Owen had all gone down for +the holidays, full of grief at the thought of leaving their friend in +such a precarious state, but as yet not permitted to see or serve him. +Lady De Vayne promised to write to Julian regular accounts of Arthur's +health, and told him how often her son spoke of him, both in his +wanderings, and in his clearer moments. + +It was touching to see the stately and beautiful lady walking alone at +evening about the deserted college, to gain a breath of the keen winter +air, while her son had sunk for a few moments to fitful rest. She was +pale with long watchings and deep anxiety, and in her whole countenance, +and in her deep and often uplifted eyes, was that look of prayerfulness +and holy communion with an unseen world which they acquire whose abode +has long been in the house of mourning, and removed from the follies and +frivolities of life. + +Well-loved grounds of Saint Werner's by the quiet waves of the sedgy +Iscam, with smooth green grass sloping down to the edge, and trim quaint +gardens, and long avenues of chestnut and ancient limes! Though winter +had long whirled away the last red and golden leaf, there was pleasure +in the air of quiet and repose, which is always to be found in those +memory-hallowed walks; and while Lady De Vayne could pace among them in +solitude, she needed no other change, nor any rest from thinking over +her sick son. + +She was surprised one evening, very soon after the men had gone down, to +see an undergraduate slowly approaching her down the long and silent +avenue. He was tall and well made, and his face would have been a +pleasant one, but for the deep look of sadness which clouded it. He +hesitated and took off his cap as she came near, and returning his +salute, she would have passed him, but he stopped her and said: + +"Lady De Vayne." + +Full of surprise she looked at him, and with his eyes fixed on the +ground he continued, "You do not know my name; if I tell you, I fear you +will hate me, because I fear you will have heard calumnies about me. +But may I speak to you?" + +"You are not Mr Bruce?" she said with a slight shudder. + +"No; my name is Edward Kennedy. Ah, madam! do not look at me so +reproachfully, I cannot endure it. Believe me, I would have died--I +would indeed--rather than that this should have happened to Lord De +Vayne." + +"Nay, Mr Kennedy, I cannot believe that you were more than thoughtless. +I have very often heard Julian Home speak of you, and I cannot believe +that his chosen friend could be so vile as some reports would make you." + +"They are false as calumny itself," he said passionately. "Oh, Lady De +Vayne, none could have honoured and loved your son more than I did; I +cannot explain to you the long story of my exculpation, but I implore +you to believe my innocence." + +"I forgive you, Mr Kennedy," she said, touched with pity, "if there be +anything to forgive; and so will Arthur. A more forgiving spirit than +his never filled any one I think. Excuse me, it is time for me to +return to him." + +"But will you not let me see him, and help you in nursing him? It was +for this purpose alone that I stayed here when all the others went. Let +me at least be near him, that I may feel myself to be making such poor +reparation as my heedlessness requires." + +She could hardly resist his earnest entreaty, and besides, she was won +by compassion for his evident distress. + +"You may come, Mr Kennedy, as often as you like; whenever Arthur is +capable of seeing you, you shall visit his sick-room." + +"Thank you," he said, and she perceived the tremble of deep emotion in +his voice. + +He came the next morning, and she allowed him to see De Vayne. He +entered noiselessly, and gazed for a moment as he stood at the door on +the pale wasted face, looking still paler in contrast with the long dark +hair that flowed over the pillow. He was awake, but there was no +consciousness in his dark dreamy eyes. + +As De Vayne murmured to himself in low sentences, Kennedy heard +repeatedly the name of Violet, and once of Violet Home. He sat still as +death, and soon gathered from the young lord's broken words, his love, +his deep love for Julian's sister. + +And when Kennedy first recognised this fact, which had hitherto been +quite unknown to him, for a moment a flood of jealousy and bitter envy +filled his heart. What if Violet should give up her troth in favour of +a wealthier, perhaps worthier lover? What if her family should think +his own poor claims no barrier to the hope that Violet should one day +wear a coronet? The image of Julian and Violet rose in his fancy, and +with one more pang of self-reproach, he grew ashamed of his unworthy +suspicions. + +Yet the thought that De Vayne, too, had fixed his affections on Violet +filled him with uneasiness and foreboding, and he determined, on some +future occasion, to save pain to all parties, by getting Julian to break +to De Vayne the secret of his sister's betrothal. + +For several days he came to the sick-room, and a woman could hardly have +been more thoughtful and tender than he was to his friend. It was on +about the fourth evening that De Vayne awoke to complete consciousness. +He became aware that some one besides his mother was seated in the room, +and without asking he seemed slowly to recognise that it was Kennedy. + +"Is that Kennedy?" he asked, in a weak voice. + +"It is I," said Kennedy, but the patient did not answer, and seemed +restless and uneasy and complained of cold. + +When Kennedy went, De Vayne whispered to his mother, "Mother, I am very +weak and foolish, but it troubles me somehow to see Kennedy sitting +there; it shocks my nerves, and fills me with images of something +dreadful happening. I had rather not see him, mother, till I am well." + +"Very well, Arthur. Don't talk so much, love; I alone will nurse you. +Soon I hope you will be able to return to Other." + +"And leave this dreadful place," he said, "for ever." + +"Hush, my boy; try to sleep again." + +He soon slept, and then Lady De Vayne wrote to Kennedy a short note, in +which she explained as kindly and considerately as she could, that +Arthur was not yet strong enough to allow of any more visits to his +sick-room. + +"He shuns me," thought Kennedy, with a sigh, and packing up some books +and clothes, he prepared to go home. + +Of course he was to spend part of the vacation at Ildown. Violet +wondered that he did not come at once; she was not exactly jealous of +him, but she thought that he might have been more eager for her company +than he seemed to be, and she would have liked it better had he come +earlier. Poor Kennedy! his very self-denials turned against him for the +sole reason why he kept away from Ildown was, that he feared to disturb +the freedom of Frank and Cyril by the presence of a stranger all the +time of their holidays, and he hesitated to intrude on the united +happiness which always characterised the Ildown circle. + +Eva, too, was invited, and the brother and sister arrived at Ildown by a +late train, and drove to the house. What a glowing welcome they +received! Julian introduced them to Mrs Home, and Kennedy kissed +affectionately the hand of his future mother. Frank and Cyril had gone +to bed, but Frank was so determined to see Violet's lover that night, +that he made Julian bring him into their bedroom, and he was more than +satisfied with the first glimpse. + +"And where is Violet?" asked Kennedy, in a matter-of-fact tone, for he +well knew that she would not choose to meet him in the presence of +others. + +"In her own little room," said Julian, smiling; "I will show you the +way." He led Kennedy up-stairs, and left him at the door; he well knew +that her heart would be fluttering as much as his. + +A light knock at the door, and a moment after they saw each other again. + +She sat on the sofa, and the firelight flickered on the amethyst--his +gift--which she wore on her white neck; and her bright eyes danced with +tears and laughter, and her bosom heaved and fell as he clasped her to +his breast and printed a long, long kiss upon her cheek. + +In silence, more exquisite than speech, they gazed on each other; and as +though her beauty were reflected on his own face, all trace of sorrow +and shame fled like a cloud from his forehead; and who would not have +said, looking upon the pair, that he was worthy of her, as she of him? + +"My own Violet," he said, "you are beautiful as a vision to-night." + +"Hush, flatterer!" and she placed her little hand upon his mouth:--no +wonder that he seized and kissed it. + +"And what a thrice-charming dress." + +"Ah, I _meant_ you to admire it," she said, laughing. + + "`And thinking, _this_ will please him best, + She takes a ribbon or a rose,'" + +he whispered to her. + +"Come," she replied, "no ill-omened words, Edward. You know the sad +context of those lines." + +"No! no sadness to-night, my own Violet, my beautiful, beautiful Violet; +you quite dazzle me, my child. I really can't sit by your side; come, +let me sit on your foot-stool here, and look up in your face." + +"Silly boy," she said, "come along, we shall keep them all waiting for +supper." + +While poor De Vayne languished on the bed of sickness, his sufferings +were almost the only shadow which chequered the brightness of those +weeks at Ildown. In the morning, Julian and Kennedy worked steadily; +the afternoon and evening they devoted to amusement and social life. +The Kennedys soon became great favourites among the Ildown people, and +went out to many cheery Christmas parties; but they enjoyed more the +quiet evenings at home when they all sat and talked after dinner round +the dining-room fire, and while the two boys played at chess, and Violet +and Eva worked or sketched, Julian and Kennedy would read aloud to them +in turns. How often those evenings recurred to all their memories in +future days. + +Soon after the Kennedys had come, Julian received from Camford the +Christmas college-list. He had again won a first class, but Kennedy's +name, much to his vexation, appeared only in the third. + +"How is it that Edward is only in the third class?" asked Violet of +Julian--for, of course, she had seen the list. "He is very clever--is +he not?" + +"Very; one of the cleverest fellows in Saint Werner's." + +"Then is he idle?" + +"I'm afraid so, Vi. You must get him to work more." + +So when he was seated by her on the sofa in her little boudoir, she +said, "You must work more, Edward, at Camford, to please me." + +"Ah, do not talk to me of Camford," he said, with a heavy sigh. "Let me +enjoy unbroken happiness for a time, and leave the bitter future to +itself." + +"Bitter, Edward? but why bitter? Julian always seems to me so happy at +Camford." + +"Yes, _Julian_ is, and so are all who deserve to be." + +"Then you must be happy too, Edward." + +His only answer was a sigh. "Ah, Violet, pray talk to me of anything +but Camford." + +The visit came to an end, as all things, whether happy or unhappy, must; +and Julian rejoiced that confidence seemed restored between him and +Kennedy once more. Of course, he told Violet none of the follies which +had cost poor Kennedy the loss both of popularity and self-respect. +Soon afterwards Lord De Vayne was brought back to Other Hall, and Violet +and Julian were invited, with their mother, to stay there till the +Camford term commenced. The boys had returned to school, so that they +all acceded to Lady De Vayne's earnest request that they would come. + +It was astonishing how rapidly the young viscount recovered when once +Violet had come to Other Hall. Her presence seemed to fill him with +fresh life, and he soon began to get down-stairs, and even to venture on +a short walk in the park. His constitution had suffered a serious and +permanent injury, but he was pronounced convalescent before the Homes +finished their visit. + +The last evening before their departure, he was seated with Violet on a +rustic seat on the terrace, looking at the sun as it set behind the +distant elms of the park, and at the deer as they grazed in lovely +groups on the rich undulating slopes that swept down from the slight +eminence on which his house was built. He felt that the time had come +to speak his love. + +"Violet," he said, as he looked earnestly at her, and took her hand, +"you have, doubtless, seen that I love you. Can you ever return my +love? I am ready to live and die for you, and to give you my whole +affection." His voice was still low and weak through illness, and he +could hardly speak the sentences which were to win for him a decision of +his fate. + +Violet was taken by surprise; she had known Lord De Vayne so long and so +intimately, and their stations were so different, that the thought of +his loving her had never entered her head. She regarded him familiarly +as her brother's friend. + +"Dear De Vayne," she said, "I shall always love you as a friend, as a +brother. But did you not know that I have been for some months +engaged?" + +"Engaged?" he said, turning very pale. + +"I am betrothed," she answered, "to Edward Kennedy. Nay, Arthur, dear +Arthur," she continued, as he nearly fainted at her feet, "you must not +suffer this disappointment to overcome you. Love me still as a sister; +regard me as though I were married already, and let us enjoy a happy +friendship for many years." + +He was too weak to bear up, too weak to talk; only the tears coursed +each other fast down his cheeks as he murmured, "Oh, forgive me, forgive +me, Violet." + +"Forgive you," she said kindly; "nay, you honour me too much. Marry one +of your own high rank, and not the orphan of a poor clergyman. I am +sure you will not yield to this sorrow, and suffer it to make you ill. +Bear up, Arthur, for your mother's sake--for _my_ sake; and let us be as +if these words had never passed between us." + +She lent him her arm as he walked faintly to his room, and as he turned +round and stooped to kiss her hand, she felt it wet with many tears. + +They went home next day, and soon after received a note from Lady De +Vayne, informing them that Arthur was worse, and that they intended +removing for some time to a seat of his in Scotland; after which they +meant to travel on the Continent for another year, if his health +permitted it. "But," she said, "I fear he has had a relapse, and his +state is very precarious. Dear friends, think of us sometimes, and let +us hope to meet again in happier days." + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE. + +MEMORY THE BOOK OF GOD. + + "At Trompyngtoun, nat fer fra Cantebrigg, + Ther goth a brook, and over that a brigge, + Upon the whiche brook then stant a melle; + _And this is verray sothe that I you telle_." + Chaucer, _The Reeve's Tale_. + +There is little which admits of external record in Julian's life at this +period of his university career. It was the usual uneventful, quiet +life of a studious Camford undergraduate. Happy it was beyond any other +time, except perhaps a few vernal days of boyhood, but it was unmarked +by any incidents. He read, and rowed, and went to lectures, and worked +at classics, mathematics, and philosophy, and dropped in sometimes to a +debate or a private-business squabble at the Union, and played racquets, +fives, and football, and talked eagerly in hall and men's rooms over the +exciting topics of the day, and occasionally went to wine or to +breakfast with a don, and, (absorbed in some grand old poet or +historian), lingered by his lamp over the lettered page from chapel-time +till the grey dawn, when he would retire to pure and refreshful sleep, +humming a tune out of very cheerfulness. + +Happy days, happy friendships, happy study, happy recreation, happy +exemption from the cares of life! The bright visions of a scholar, the +bright hilarity of a youth, the bright acquaintanceship with many united +by a brotherly bond within those grey walls, were so many mingled +influences that ran together "like warp and woof" in the web of a +singularly enviable life. And every day he felt that he was knowing +more, and acquiring a strength and power which should fit him hereafter +for the more toilsome business and sterner struggles of common life. +Well may old Cowley exclaim-- + + "O pulerae sine luxes aedes, vitaeque decore + Splendida paupertas ingenuusque pudor!" + +All the reading men of his year were now anxiously occupied in working +for the Saint Werner's scholarships. They were the blue ribbon of the +place. In value they were not much more than 50 pounds a year, but as +the scholars had an honourable distinctive seat both in hall and chapel, +and as from _their_ ranks alone the Fellows were selected, all the most +intelligent and earnest men used their best efforts to obtain them on +the earliest possible occasion. At the scholars' table were generally +to be found the most distinguished among the alumni of Saint Werner's. + +Julian still moved chiefly among his old friends, although he had a +large acquaintance, and by no means confined himself to the society of +particular classes. But De Vayne's illness made a sad gap in the circle +of his most intimate associates, and he was not yet sufficiently +recovered to attempt a correspondence. Among the dons, Julian began to +like Mr Admer more and more, and found that his cynicism of manner was +but the result of disappointed ambition and unsteady aims, while his +heart was sound and right. + +Kennedy, as well as Julian, had always hoped to gain a scholarship at +his first trial, but now, with only one term left him to read in, his +chance seemed to fade away to nothing. Poor fellow, he had returned +with the strongest possible intention of working, and of abandoning at +once and for ever all objectionable acquaintances and all dangerous +ways. Hourly the sweet face of Violet looked in upon his silent +thoughts, and filled him with shame as he thought of lost opportunities +and wasted hours. + +"Kennedy," said Mr Admer, "how can you be so intolerably idle? I saw +some of your Christmas papers, and they were wholly unworthy of your +abilities." + +"I know it well. But what could you expect? The Pindar I had read once +over with a crib; the morality I had not looked at; the mathematics I +did not touch." + +"But what excuse have you? I really feel quite angry with you. You are +wholly throwing away everything. What have you to show for your time +and money? Only think, my dear fellow, that an opportunity like this +comes only once in life, and soon your college days will be over with +nothing to remember." + +"True, too true." + +"Well, I am glad that you see and own it. I began to fear that you were +one of that contemptible would-be fine gentleman class that affects +forsooth to despise work as a thing unworthy of their eminence." + +"No, Mr Admer," said Kennedy, "my idleness springs from very different +causes." + +"And then these Brogtens and people, whom you are so often seen with; +which of them do you think understands you, or can teach you anything +worth knowing? and which of them do you think you will ever care to look +back to as acquaintances in after days?" + +"Not one of them. I hate the whole set." + +"And then, my dear Kennedy--for I speak to you out of real good-will--I +would say it with the utmost delicacy, but you must know that your name +has suffered from the company you frequent." + +"Can I not see it to be so?" he answered moodily; "no need to tell me +that, when I read it in the faces of nearly every man I see. The men +have not yet forgiven me De Vayne's absence, though really and truly +that sin does not lie at my door. Except Julian and Lillyston there is +hardly a man I respect, who does not look at me with averted eyes. Of +course Grayson and the dons detest me to a man; but I don't care for +them." + +"Then, you mysterious fellow, seeing all this so clearly, why do you +suffer it to be so?" + +Kennedy only shook his head; already there had begun to creep over him a +feeling of despair; already it seemed to him as though the gate of +heaven were a lion-haunted portal guarded by a fiery sword. + +For he had soon found that his intense resolutions to do right met with +formidable checks. There are two stern facts--facts which it does us +all good to remember--which generally lie in the path of repentance, and +look like crouching lions to the remorseful soul. First, the fact that +we become so entangled by habit and circumstance, so enslaved by +association and custom, that the very atmosphere around us seems to have +become impregnated with a poison which we cannot cease to breathe; +secondly, the fact that "_in the physical world there is no forgiveness +of sins_;" to abandon our evil courses is not to escape the punishment +of them, and although we may have relinquished them wholly in the +present, we cannot escape the consequences of the past. Remission of +sin is _not_ the remission of their results. The very monsters we +dread, and the dread of which terrifies us into the consideration of our +ways, glare upon us out of the future darkness, as large, as terrible, +as irresistible, whether we approach them on the road to ruin, or +whether we seem to fly from them through the hardly attained and narrow +wicket of genuine repentance. + +Both these difficulties acted with their full force on the mind of +Kennedy. His error was its own punishment, and its heaviest punishment. +The hours he had lost were lost so utterly, that he could never hope to +recover them; the undesirable acquaintances he had formed were so far +ripe as to render it no light task to abandon them; and above all, the +fleck on his character, the connection of his name with the outrage on +De Vayne, had injured his reputation in a manner which he never hoped, +by future endeavours, to obviate or remove. + +For instance, there was at once an objection to his dropping the society +of the set to which Bruce and Brogten had introduced him. He owed them +money, which at present he could not pay; his undischarged "debts of +honour" hung like a millstone round his neck. To pay these seemed a +necessary preliminary even to the possibility of commencing a new +career. + +But how to get the money? ah me! new temptations seemed springing up +around like the crop of armed men from the furrows sown with the +dragon's teeth. + +There was but one way which suggested itself to his mind, by which he +would be able at once to deliver himself in part by meeting the most +exigent demands. Let me hurry over the struggle which it cost him, but +finally he adopted it. It was this. + +Mr Kennedy was most liberal in allowing his son everything which could +possibly further his university studies, and the most important item in +his quarterly expenses was the charge for private tuition. This sum was +always paid by Kennedy himself, and it amounted at least to seven pounds +a term. Now, what if he should not only ask his father to allow him +this term a classical and a mathematical tutor, but also request +permission to read double with them both _i e_, to go for an hour _every +day_ instead of every other day? This would at once procure him from +his father the sum of twenty-eight pounds, and by means of this he +could, with great economy, clear off all the most pressing of those +pecuniary obligations which bound him to company, which he longed to +shun, and exposed him to dangers which he had learnt to fear. Of course +he would be obliged to forego all assistance from private tutors, and +simply to appropriate the money, without his father's knowledge, to +other ends. In a high point of view, it was simple embezzlement; it was +little better than a form of swindling. But in this gross and repulsive +shape, it never suggested itself to poor Kennedy's imagination. Somehow +one's own sins never look so bad in our eyes as the same sins when +committed by another. He argued that he would really be applying the +money as his father intended, viz, to such purposes as should most +advance the objects of his university career. He was committing a sin +to save himself from temptation. + +The near approach of the scholarship examination, and Kennedy's failure +at Christmas, made his father all the more ready to give him every +possible advantage that money could procure. Ignorant of the fact that +to "read double" with a tutor was almost a thing unprecedented at +Camford, and that to do so, _both_ in classics and mathematics, was a +thing wholly unknown, and indeed practically impossible, Mr Kennedy was +only delighted at Edward's letter, as conveying a proof of his extreme +and laudable eagerness to recover lost ground, and do his best. He very +readily wrote the cheque for the sum required, and praised his son +liberally for these indications of effort. How those praises cut +Kennedy to the heart. + +But he at once spent the money in the way which he had devised, and +added thereby a new load of mental bitterness to the heavy weight which +already oppressed him. The sum thus appropriated greatly lightened, +although it did not remove, the pecuniary obligations which he had +contracted at cards or in other ways to his set of "fast" companions; +but it was at the cost of his peace of mind. + +Externally he profited by the transaction. He was enabled in great +measure, without the charge of meanness, to drop the most undesirable of +his acquaintances, and awaking eagerly to the hope of at once redeeming +his reputation and lessening his difficulties by gaining a scholarship, +he began, for the first time since he had entered Saint Werner's, to +work steadily with all his might. + +He seemed to be living two lives in one, and often asked himself whether +there was in his character some deeply-rooted hypocrisy. With Julian +and Owen, and the men who resembled them, he could talk nobly of all +that was honourable, and he powerfully upheld a chivalrous ideal of duty +and virtue. And as his face lighted up, and the thoughts flowed in the +full stream of eloquent language in reprobation of some mean act, or in +glowing eulogium of some recorded heroism for the performance of what +was right, who would have fancied, who would have believed, that +Kennedy's own life had failed so egregiously in the commonest +requirements of steadfastness and honesty? + +None rejoiced more in the outward change of life than Julian Home; for +Violet's sake now, as well as for Kennedy's, he felt a keen and +brotherly interest in the progress and estimation of his friend. Once +more they were to be found together as often as they had been in their +freshman's year, and it was Julian's countenance and affection that +tended more than anything else to repair Kennedy's damaged popularity, +and remove the tarnish attaching to his name. + +One evening they were taking the usual two-hours' constitutional--which +is often the poor substitute for exercise in the case of reading men-- +and discussing together the chances of the coming scholarship +examination, when they found themselves near a place called Gower's +Mill, and heard a sudden cry for help. Pressing forwards they saw a +boat floating upside down, and whirling about tumultuously in the racing +and rain-swollen eddies of the mill-dam. A floating straw hat was +already being sucked in by the gurgling rush of water that roared under +the mighty circumference of the wheel, and for a moment they saw nothing +more. But as they ran up, a black spot emerged from the stream, only a +few yards from the mill, and they saw a man, evidently in the last stage +of exhaustion, struggling feebly in the white and boiling waves. + +The position was agonising. The man's utmost efforts only served to +keep him stationary, and it was clear, from the frantic violence of his +exertion, that he could not last an instant longer. Indeed, as they +reached the bank, he began to sink and disappear--disappear as it seemed +to the certainty of a most horrid death. + +In one instant--without considering the danger and apparent hopelessness +of the attempt, without looking at the wild force of the water, and the +grinding roll of the big wheel, without even waiting to fling off their +coats--Julian and Kennedy, actuated by the strong instinct to save a +fellow-creature's life, had both plunged into the mill-dam, and at the +same moment struck out for the sinking figure. It was not till then +that they felt their terrific danger; in the swirl of those spumy and +hissing waves it was all but impossible for them to make head against +the current, and they felt it carry them nearer and nearer to the black, +dripping mass, one blow of which would stun them, and one revolution of +it mangle them with horrible mutilation. They reached the drowning +wretch, and each seizing him by the arm, shouted for assistance, and +buffeted gallantly with the headstrong stream. The senseless burden +which they supported clogged their efforts, and as they felt themselves +gradually swept nearer, nearer, nearer to destruction, the passionate +desire of self-preservation woke in both of them in all its wild +agony;--yet they would not attempt to preserve themselves by letting go +the man to save whose life they had so terribly endangered their own. + +Meanwhile their repeated shouts and those of the swimmer, which had +first attracted their own attention, had aroused the miller, who +instantly, on hearing them, ran down with a rope to the water's side. +He threw it skilfully; with a wild clutch Kennedy caught it, and in +another moment, as from the very jaws of death, when they were almost +touching the fatal wheel, they were drawn to shore, still carrying, or +rather dragging, with them their insensible companion. + +After a word of hurried thanks to the miller for saving their lives, +they began to turn their whole attention to the half-drowned man, and to +apply the well-known remedies for restoring extinct animation. + +"Good heavens," said Julian, "it is Brogten!" + +"Brogten?" said Kennedy; he looked on the face, and whispered +half-aloud, "Thank God!" + +They carried him into the mill, put him between the blankets in a warm +bed, chafed his numb limbs, and sent off for the nearest doctor. Very +soon he began to revive, and recovered his consciousness; immediately +this was the case, Julian and Kennedy ran home as quickly as they could +to change their wet clothes. + +The next day the doctor ordered Brogten to lie in bed till after +mid-day, and then allowed him, now thoroughly well and rested, to walk +home to Saint Werner's. He had not yet learnt the names of his +deliverers. + +He reached the college in the evening, and after changing his boating +dress, his first care was to try and learn to whom he was indebted for +his life. Almost the first man he met told him that the men who had +risked their safety for his were Home and Kennedy. + +Home and Kennedy! Home, to whom he had caused the bitterest +disappointment and done the most malicious injury which had ever +happened to him in his life; Kennedy, whom he had tried but too +successfully to corrupt and ruin, tempt from duty, and push from his +good name! + +Deeply, very deeply, was Brogten humiliated; he felt that his enemies +had indeed heaped coals of fire upon his head. + +He determined, as his first duty, to go and thank them both--Kennedy +first, as the one against whom he had most wilfully sinned. + +He found Kennedy sitting down to tea, and Julian, Owen, and Suton were +with him. + +"Kennedy," he said, "I have come to thank you and Home for a very +gallant deed; I need not say how much I feel indebted to you for the +risk you ran in saving my life." + +Genuine tears rushed into his dark eyes as he spoke, and cordially +grasped the hands which, without a word, they proffered. Community of +danger, consciousness of obligation, blotted out all evil memories; and +to have stood side by side together on the very brink of the precipice +of death was a bond of union which could not be ignored or set aside. +That night, in spite of bygones, the feeling of those three young men +for each other was of the kindliest cast. + +"Won't you stay to tea, Brogten?" said Kennedy. + +He looked round, as though uncertain whether the others would like his +company, but as they all seconded Kennedy's request, he gladly stayed. +It was the first evening that he had regularly spent in the society of +reading men, and he was both delighted and surprised at the rare +pleasure he received from the vigour and liveliness of their +conversation. These were the men whom he had despised as slow, yet what +a contrast between their way of talking and the inanities of Fitzurse or +the shallow flippancy of Bruce. As he sat there and listened, his very +face became softer in its lines from the expression of a real and +intelligent interest, and they all thought that he was a better fellow, +on closer acquaintance, than they had been accustomed to suppose. Ah +me! how often one remains unaware of the good side of those whom we +dislike. + +Oh, those Camford conversations--how impetuous, how interesting, how +thoroughly hearty and unconventional they were! How utterly presumption +and ignorance were scouted in them, and how completely they were free +from the least shadow of insincerity or ennui. If I could but transfer +to my page a true and vivid picture of one such evening, spent in the +society of Saint Werner's friends--if I could write down but one such +conversation, and at all express its vivacity, its quick flashes of +thought and logic, its real desire for truth and knowledge, its friendly +fearlessness, its felicitous illustrations, its unpremeditated wit, such +a record, taken fresh from the life, would be worth all that I shall +ever write. But youth flies, and as she flies all the bright colours +fade from the wings of thought, and the bloom vanishes from the earnest +eloquence of speech. + +Yet, as I write, let me call to mind, if but for a moment, the +remembrance of those happy evenings, when we would meet to read +Shakespeare or the Poets in each other's rooms, and pleasant sympathies +and pleasant differences of opinion freely discussed, called into genial +life, friendships which we once hoped and believed would never have +grown cold. Let the image of that bright social circle, picturesquely +scattered in armchairs round the winter fire, rise up before my fancy +once more, and let me recall what can never be again. Of the honoured +and well-loved few who one night recorded their names and thoughts in +one precious little book, two are dead though it is but five years back; +C E B---is dead; and R H P---is dead; C E B---the chivalrous and +gallant-hearted, the champion of the past, the "Tory whom Liberals +loved;" and R H P---, the honest and noble, the eloquent speaker, and +the brave actor, and the fearless thinker--he, too, is dead, nobly +volunteering in works of danger and difficulty during the Indian Mutiny; +but L---, and B---, and M---, and others are living yet, and to them I +consecrate this page _they_ will forgive the digression, and for their +sakes I will venture to let it pass. We are scattered now, and our +friendship is a silent one, but yet I know that to them, at least, +changed or unchanged, my words will recall the fading memory of glorious +days. + +The conversation, (but do not suppose that I shall attempt, after what I +have said, to reproduce it), happened to turn that evening on the +phenomena of memory. It started thus:--They had been discussing some +subject of the day, when Owen observed to Julian-- + +"Why, how grave you look, Julian." + +"Do I? I was thinking of something odd. While you were talking-- +without the faintest apparent reason that I can discover, (and I was +trying to hit upon one when you spoke)--a fact started up in my mind, +which had no connection whatever with the subject, and yet which forced +itself quite strongly and obtrusively on my notice." + +"Just as one catches sight suddenly of some stray bit of seaweed +floating in a great world of waters, which seems to have no business +there," said Kennedy. + +"Yes. But there _must_ have been _some_ reason for my thinking of it +just then." + +"The law of association, depend upon it," said Owen, "even if the +connecting links were so subtle and swiftly moved that you failed to +detect their presence." + +"Are you of the Materialist school, Owen, about memory?" said Julian, +"_i e_, do you go with Hobbes and Condillac, and make it a decaying +sense or a transformed sensation?" + +"Not a bit; I believe it to be a spiritual faculty, entirely independent +of mere physical organisation." + +"Wo-ho!" said Kennedy; "the physiologists will join issue with you +there. How for instance do you account for such stories as that of the +groom, who, getting a kick on a particular part of the head from a +vicious horse, suffered no harm except in forgetting everything which +had happened _up to that time_?" + +"It isn't a bit conclusive. I don't say that the conscious exercise of +memory mayn't be temporarily dependent on organisation, but I do believe +that every fact ever imprinted on the memory, however long it may be +latent, is of its very nature imperishable." + +"Yes," said Suton. "Memory is the book of God. Did you see that story +of the shipwreck the other day? One of the survivors, while floating +alone on the dark midnight sea, suddenly heard a voice saying to him +distinctly, `Johnny, did you eat sister's grapes?' It was the revived +memory of a long-forgotten childish theft. What have the +Pineal-Gland-olaters to say to that?" + +"What a profound touch that was of Themistocles," said Kennedy, "who +rejected the offer of a Memoria Technicha, with the aspiration that some +one could _teach him to forget_. Lethe is the grandest of rivers after +all." + +"I can illustrate what you are saying," said Brogten, "and I believe it +to be true that _nothing can be utterly forgotten_. Yesterday when you +saw me I had sunk twice, and when you rescued me I was insensible. +Strange things happened to my memory then!" + +"Tell us," said all of them eagerly. + +"Well, I believe it's an old story, but I'll tell you. When the first +agony of fear, and the sort of gulp of asphyxia was over, I felt as if I +was sinking into a pleasant sleep, surrounded by the light of green +fields--" + +"Because the veins of the eye were bloodshot, and green is the +complementary colour," interpolated Kennedy, whereat Owen gave a little +incredulous guffaw; and Brogten continued-- + +"Well, _then_, it was that all my past life flashed before me, from the +least forgotten venial fault of infancy to the worst passion of youth,-- +only they came to me clear and vivid, in _retrograde_ order. The lies I +told when I was a little boy, the wicked words I spoke, the cruel things +I did, the first taint that polluted my mind, the faces of +school-fellows whom I had irreparably injured, the stolen waters of +manhood--all were dashed into my remorseful recollection; they started +up like buried, menacing ghosts, without, or even against my will. I +felt convinced that they were _indestructible_." + +"That strain I heard was of a higher mood!" thought the auditors, for it +was quite a new thing to hear Brogten talk like this, and in such a +solemn, manly, sober voice. + +"Fancy," said Kennedy, sighing, "_an everlasting memory_!" + +The others went away, but Brogten still lingered in Kennedy's rooms, +and, rising, took him by the hand. They both remembered another scene +in these rooms, when they two were together,--the torturer and the +tortured; but it was different now. + +"The worst thing that haunted me, Kennedy, when you were saving my life, +was the thought of my wickedness to you. I fear it can never be +repaired; yet believe me, that from this day forth I have vowed before +God to turn over a new leaf, and my whole effort will be to do all for +you that ever may be in my power! Do you forgive me?" + +"As I hope to be forgiven," he replied. + +Yet it was part of Brogten's punishment in after days to remember that +_his_ hand had set the stone moving on the steep hill-side, which +afterwards he had no power to stay. It would not come back to him for a +wish, but leapt, and rushed, and bounded forward, splintering and +splintered by the obstacles in its course, till at last--Could it be +saved from being dashed to shivers among the smooth rocks of the valley +and the brook? + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY SIX. + +HAZLET'S VISION. + + "And ride on his breast, and trouble his rest + In the shape of his deadliest sin." + Anon. + +Before the scholarship, came the Little-go, so called in the language of +men, but known to the gods as the Previous Examination. As it is an +examination which all must pass, the standard required is of course very +low, and the subjects are merely Paley's Evidences, a little Greek +Testament, some easy classic, Scripture History, and a sprinkling of +arithmetic and algebra. + +The reading men simply regard it as a nuisance, interrupting their +reading and wasting their time, _i e_, until the wisdom of maturer years +shows them its necessity and use. But to the idle and the stupid, the +name Little-go is fraught with terror. It begins to loom upon them from +the commencement of their second year, and all their efforts must be +concentrated to avoid the disgrace and hindrance of a pluck. There are +regular tutors to cram Poll men for this necessary ordeal, and the +processes applied to introduce the smallest possible modicum of +information into the heads of the victims, the surgical operations +necessary to inculcate into them the simplest facts, would, if narrated, +form a curious chapter in morbid psychology. I suggest this merely as a +pregnant hint for the future historian of Camford; personally I am only +acquainted by report with the system resorted to. + +Hazlet began to be in a fright about the Little-go from the very +commencement of his second October. His mother well knew that the +examination was approaching, and thought it quite impossible that her +ingenuous and right-minded son could fall a victim to the malice of +examiners. Hazlet was not so sure of this himself, and as the days had +passed by when he could speak of the classics with a holy indignation +against their vices and idolatry, he was wrought up by dread of the +coming papers into a high state of nervous excitement. + +I will not betray the mistakes he made, or dish up in this place the +"crambe repetita" of those Little-go anecdotes, which at this period of +the year awaken the laughter of combination-rooms, and dissipate the +dulness of Camford life. Suffice it to say that Hazlet displayed an +ignorance at once egregious and astounding; the ingenious perversity of +his mistakes, the fatuous absurdity of his confusions, would be +inconceivable to any who do not know by experience the extraordinary +combinations of ignorance and conceit. The examiners were very lenient +and forbearing, but Hazlet was plucked; plucked too in Scripture +History, which astonished everybody, until it became known that he had +attributed John the Baptist's death to his having "danced with +Herodias's daughter"--traced a connection between the Old and New +Testaments in the fact of Saint Peter's having cut off the ear of +Malachi the last of the prophets--and stated that the substance of Saint +Paul's sermon at Athens, was "crying vehemently about the space of two +hours, Great is Diana of the Ephesians!" + +It is a sad pity that such ludicrous associations should centre round +the word "pluck." It is anything but a laughing matter to those who +undergo the process; they have tried hard and worked diligently perhaps +to pass the examination, and if they fail they see before them another +long period of weary and dissatisfied effort, with the same probability +of failure again and again repeated: for until the barrier of the +Little-go is passed they can advance no further, and must simply stay at +Camford until in some way or other they can succeed in getting up the +requisite minimum of information. I have seen a strong man in the +senate-house turn as white as a sheet, when a paper which he was unable +to answer was placed before him. I fancy I see him now, and distinctly +remember my strong feeling of compassion for his distress, and my +earnest hope that he would not be "floored." + +There was a general laugh in Saint Werner's when it was announced that +Hazlet was plucked; and in Scripture History too! His follies and +inconsistencies had unhappily made him a butt, but men little knew how +heavily the misfortune would weigh upon him. + +He happened at this time to be living on the same stair-case with +Lillyston, and Lillyston, who was in the rooms below him, was quite +amazed at the sounds which he heard proceeding from his rooms. For a +long time there was a series of boo-hoos, long, loud, and wailing as of +some animal in distress, and then there was an uproar as of some one +running violently about, and throwing the furniture out of his way. +Lillyston was just on the point of going to see what was the matter when +the breathless bedmaker appeared at the door, and said--"Oh, Mr +Lillyston, sir, do go and look at Mr Hazlet, sir; he's took very bad, +he is." + +"Took very bad--how do you mean?" + +"Why, sir, it's the Little-go, sir, as done it. He's plucked, sir, and +it's upset him like. So, when I asked him if he'd a-tea'd, and if I +should take away the things, he begins a banging his chairs about, you +see, sir, quite uncomfortable." + +Lillyston immediately ran up-stairs. The violent fit seemed to have +subsided, for Hazlet, peering out of a corner, with wandering, +spectacled eyes, quite cowered when he saw him. Lillyston was shocked +at the spectacle he presented. Hazlet was but half dressed, his hands +kept up an uneasy and vague motion, his face was blank, and his whole +appearance resembled that of an idiot. + +"Why, Hazlet, my man, what's the matter with you?" said Lillyston, +cheerily. + +Hazlet trembled, and muttered something about a dog. It happened that +just before coming back from the senate-house, a large Newfoundland had +run against him, and his excited imagination had mingled this most +recent impression with the vagaries of a temporary madness. + +"The dog, my dear fellow; why, there's no dog here." + +Hazlet only cowered farther into the corner. + +"Here, won't you have some tea?" said Lillyston; "I'll make it for you. +Come and help me." + +He began to busy himself about setting the tea-things, and cutting the +bread, while he occupied Hazlet in pouring out the water and attending +to the kettle. Hazlet started violently every now and then, and looked +with a terrified side-glance at Lillyston, as though apprehensive of +some wrong. + +At last Lillyston got him to sit down quietly, and gave him a cup of tea +and some bread. He ate it in silence, except that every now and then he +uttered a sort of wail, and looked up at Lillyston. The look didn't +seem to satisfy him, for, after a few minutes, he seized his knife, and +said, "I shall cut off your whiskers." + +What put the grotesque fancy into his head, Lillyston did not know; +probably some faint reminiscence of having been forced to shave after +the trick which Bruce had played on him by painting his face with +lamp-black and ochre. + +Lillyston decidedly declined the proposition, and they both started up +from their seats--Hazlet brandishing his knife with determined purpose, +and looking at his companion with a strange savage glare under his +spectacles. + +After darting round the room once or twice to escape his attack, +Lillyston managed with wonderful skill to clutch the wrist of Hazlet's +right hand, and, being very strong, he held him with the grasp of a +vice, while with his left hand he forced the knife out of his clutch, +and dropped it on the floor. He held him tight for a minute or two, +although Hazlet struggled so fiercely that it was no easy task, and then +quietly forced him into a chair, and spoke to him in a firm +authoritative voice-- + +"No mischief, Hazlet; we shan't allow it. Now listen to me: you must go +to bed." + +The tone of voice and the strength of will which characterised +Lillyston's proceedings, awed Hazlet into submission. He cried a +little, and then suffered Lillyston to see him into his rooms, and to +put him into a fair way towards going to bed. Taking the precaution to +remove his razor, Lillyston locked the door upon him, and determined at +once to get medical advice. The doctor, however, could give very little +help; it was, he said, a short fit of temporary madness, for which quiet +and change of air were the only effectual remedies. He did not +anticipate that there would be any other outbreak of violence, or +anything more than a partial imbecility. + +"Do come and help me to manage Hazlet," said Lillyston to Julian next +morning; "his head has been turned by being plucked for the Little-go, +and he's as mad as Hercules Furens." + +Julian went, and they stayed in Hazlet's room till he had quietly +breakfasted. He then appeared to be so calm that Lillyston agreed to +leave Julian there for the morning, and to take the charge of Hazlet for +the afternoon and evening. It seemed absolutely necessary that someone +should take charge of him, and they thought it best to divide the +labour. + +Julian sorely felt the loss of time. He had a great deal to get through +before the all-important scholarship examination, and the loss of every +available hour fretted him, for since he had failed in the Clerkland, he +was doubly anxious to gain a Saint Werner's scholarship at his first +time of trial. Still he never wavered for a moment in the determination +to fulfil the duty of taking care of his Ildown acquaintance, and he +spent the whole tedious morning in trying to amuse him. + +Hazlet's ceaseless allusions to "the dog," and the feeble terror which +it seemed to cause him, made it necessary to talk to him incessantly, +and to turn his attention, as far as possible, to other things. He had +to be managed like a very wilful and stupid child, and when one of the +five hours which Julian had to spend with him was finished, he was worn +out with anxiety and fatigue. It is a dreadful thing to be alone in +charge of a human being--a being in human shape, who is, either by +accident or constitution, incapable alike of responsibility and thought. +Hazlet had been able to play draughts pretty well, so Julian got out a +board and challenged him to a game, but instead of playing, Hazlet only +scrabbled on the board, and pushed the pieces about in a meaningless +confusion, while every now and then the sullen glare came into his eye +which showed Julian the necessity of being on his guard if self-defence +should be needed. Then Julian tried to get him to draw, and showing him +a picture, sketched a few strokes of outline, and said-- + +"Now, Hazlet, finish copying this picture for me." + +Hazlet took the pencil between his unsteady fingers, and let it make +futile scratches on the paper, and, when Julian repeated his words, +wrote down in a slow painful hand-- + +"Finish copying pict-ure pict-." + +What was to be done in such a case as this? Julian suggested a turn in +the grounds, but Hazlet betrayed such dread at the thought of leaving +his rooms, and encountering "the dog," that Julian was afraid, if he +persisted, of driving him into a fit. + +Just as the dilemma was becoming seriously unpleasant, Brogten came up +to the rooms, and begged Julian to intrust Hazlet to his charge. + +"_Your_ time is valuable, Home--particularly just now. Mine is all but +worthless. At any rate I have no _special_ work as you have, and I can +take care of poor Hazlet very well." + +"Oh, no," said Julian; "I mustn't shrink from the duty I have +undertaken, and besides you'll find it very dull and unpleasant work." + +"Never mind that. I once had an idiot brother--dead now--and I +understand well how to manage any one in a case like this. Besides, +Hazlet is one of the many I have injured. Let me stay." + +"I really am afraid you won't like it." + +"Nonsense, Home; I won't give in, depend upon it. I am quite in +earnest, and am besides most anxious that you should get a scholarship +this time. Don't refuse me the privilege of helping you." + +Julian could refuse no longer, and went back to his rooms with perfect +confidence that Brogten would do his work willingly and well. He looked +in about mid-day to see how things were going on, and found that, after +thoroughly succeeding in amusing his patient, Brogten had persuaded him +to go to sleep, in the conviction that by the time he awoke he would be +nearly well. Nor was he mistaken. The next day Hazlet was sufficiently +recovered to go home for the Easter vacation. + +It was a very bitter and humiliating trial to him; but misfortune, +however frequently it causes reformation, is not invariably successful +in changing a man's heart and life. Hazlet came back after the Easter +vacation with recovered health, but damaged constitution, and in no +respect either better or wiser for the misfortune he had undergone. + +One peculiarity of his recent attack was a strong nervous excitability, +which was induced by very slight causes, and Hazlet had not long +returned to Saint Werner's when the dissipation of his life began once +more to tell perniciously upon his state of health. It must not be +imagined that because he was the easiest possible victim of temptation, +he suffered no upbraidings of a terrified and remorseful conscience. +Many a time they overwhelmed him with agony and a dread of the future, +mingling with his slavish terrors of a material Gehenna, and stirring up +his turbid thoughts until they drove him to the verge of madness. But +the inward chimera of riotous passions was too fierce for the weak human +reason, and while he hated himself he continued still to sin. + +Late one night he was returning to his rooms from the foul haunts of +squalid dissipation and living death, when the thought of his own +intolerable condition pressed on him with a heavier than usual weight. +It was a very cloudy night, and he had long exceeded the usual college +hours. The wind tossed about his clothes, and dashed in his face a keen +impalpable sleet, while nothing dispelled the darkness except the +occasional gleam of a lamp struggling fitfully with the driving mist. +Hazlet reached Saint Werner's wet and miserable; in returning he had +lost his way, and wandered into the most disreputable and +poverty-stricken streets, the very homes of thievery and dirt, where he +seriously feared for his personal safety. By the time he got to the +college gates he was drenched through and through, and while his body +shivered with the cold air, the condition of his mind was agitated and +terrified, and the sudden blaze of light that fell on him from the large +college lamp, as the gates opened, dazzled his unaccustomed eyes. + +Hastily running across the court to his own rooms, he groped his way-- +giddy and crapulous--giddy and crapulous--up the dark and narrow +stair-case, and after some fumbling with his key opened the door. + +Lillyston, who was just going to bed after a long evening of hard work, +heard his footstep on the stairs, and thought with sorrow that he had +not mended his old bad ways. He heard him open the door, and then a +long wild shriek, followed by the sound of some one falling, rang +through the buildings. + +In an instant, Lillyston had darted up-stairs, and the other men who +"kept" on the stair-case, jumped out of bed hastily, thrust on their +slippers, and also ran out to see what was the matter. As Lillyston +reached the threshold of Hazlet's rooms, he stumbled against something, +and stooping down found that it was the senseless body of Hazlet himself +stretched at full length upon the floor. + +He looked up, but saw nothing to explain the mystery; the rooms were in +darkness, except that a dull, blue flame, flickering over the black and +red relics of the fire, threw fantastic gleams across the furniture and +ceiling, and gave an odd, wild appearance to the cap and gown that hung +beside the door. + +Lillyston was filled with surprise, and lit the candle on the table. +Lifting Hazlet on the sofa, he carefully looked at him to see if he was +correct in his first surmise, that the unhappy man had swallowed poison, +or committed suicide in some other way. But there was no trace of +anything of the kind, and Hazlet merely appeared to have fainted and +fallen suddenly. + +Aided by Noel, one of those who had been alarmed by that piercing +shriek, Lillyston took the proper means to revive Hazlet from his +fainting fit, and put him to bed. He rapidly recovered his +consciousness, but earnestly begged them not to press him on the subject +of his alarm, respecting which he was unable or unwilling to give them +any information. + +The next morning he was very ill; excitement and anxiety brought on a +brain fever, which kept him for many weary weeks in his sick-room, and +from which he had not fully recovered until after a long stay at Ildown. +As he lost, in consequence of this attack, the whole of the ensuing +term, he was obliged to degrade, as it is called, _i e_ to place his +name on the list of the year below; and he did not return to Camford +till the following October, where his somewhat insignificant +individuality had been almost forgotten. + +Let us anticipate a little to throw light on what we have narrated. + +When Hazlet _did_ come back to undergraduate life, he at once sought the +alienated friends from whom he had been separated ever since the +disastrous period of his acquaintanceship with Bruce. He came back to +them penitent and humble, with those convictions now existing in his +mind in their reality and genuineness, which before he had only +simulated so successfully as to deceive himself. I will not say that he +did not continue ignorant and bigoted, but he was no longer conceited +and malicious. I will not say that he never showed himself dogmatic and +ill-informed, but he was no longer obtrusive and uncharitable. His life +was better than his dogmas, and the sincerity of his good intentions +counteracted and nullified the ill effects of a narrow and unwholesome +creed. There were no farther inconsistencies in his conduct, and he +showed firmly, yet modestly, the line he meant to follow, and the side +he meant to take. As his conscience had become scrupulous, and his life +irreproachable, it mattered comparatively little that his intellectual +character was tainted with fanaticism and gloom. + +I would not be mistaken to mean that he found his penitence easy, or +that he was, like Saint Paul, transformed as it were by a lightning +flash--"a fusile Christian." I say, there were--after his two +sicknesses and long suffering, and experiences bitter as wormwood--there +were, I say, no more _outward_ inconsistencies in his life; but I do not +say that _within_ there were no fierce, fearful struggles, so wearisome +at times that it almost seemed better to yield than to feel the +continued anguish of such mighty temptations. All this the man must +always go through who has warmed in his bosom the viper whose poisoned +fang has sent infection into his blood. But through God's grace Hazlet +was victorious: and as, when the civilisation of some infant colony is +advancing on the confines of a desert, the wild beasts retire before it, +until they become rare, and their howling is only heard in the lonely +night, and then even that sign of their fury is but a strange +occurrence, until it is heard no more; so in Hazlet, the many-headed +monsters, which breed in the slime of a fallen human heart, were one by +one slain or driven backwards by watchfulness, and shame, and prayer. + +Julian and Lillyston had never shunned his society, either when he +breathed the odour of sanctity, or when he sank into the slough of +wretchlessness. Both of them were sufficiently conscious of the heart's +weakness to prevent them from the cold and melancholy presumption which +leads weak and sinful men to desert and denounce those whom the good +spirits have not yet deserted, and whom the good God has not finally +condemned. As long as he sought their society, they were always open to +his company, however distasteful; and the advice they gave him was +tendered in simple good-will--not as though from the haughty +vantage-ground of a superior excellence. Even when Hazlet was at the +worst--when to be seen with him, after the publicity of his vices, +involved something like a slur on a man's fair name--even in these his +worst days neither Julian nor Lillyston would have refused, had he so +desired it, to walk with him under the lime-tree avenue, or up and down +the cloisters of Warwick's Court. + +But they naturally met him more often when his manner of life was +changed for the better, and were both glad to see that he had found the +jewel which adversity possessed. It happened that he was with them one +evening when the conversation turned on supernatural appearances, the +possibility of which was maintained by Julian and Owen, while Lillyston +in his genial way was pooh-poohing them altogether. Hazlet alone sat +silent, but at last he said-- + +"I have never yet mentioned to any living soul what once happened to me, +but I will do so now. Lillyston, you remember the night when I aroused +you with a scream?" + +"Well!" said Lillyston. + +"That night I was returning in all the bitterness of remorse from places +where, but for God's blessing, I might have perished utterly"--and +Hazlet shuddered--"when from out of the storm and darkness I reached my +room door. You know that a beam ran right across my ceiling. When I +threw open the door to enter, I saw on that beam as clearly as I now see +you--no, _more clearly, far_ more clearly than I now see you, for your +presence makes no special impression on me, and this was burnt into my +very brain--I saw there written in letters of fire-- + +"`AND THIS IS HELL.' + +"Struck dumb with horror, I stared at it; there could be no doubt about +it, the letters burned and glared and reddened before my very eyes, and +seemed to wave like the northern lights, and bicker into angrier flame +as I looked at them. They fascinated me as I stood there dumb and +stupefied, when suddenly I saw the dark and massive form of a hand, over +which hung the skirt of a black robe, moving slowly away from the last +letter. What more I _might_ have seen I cannot tell;--it was then that +I fell and fainted, and my shriek startled all the men on the +stair-case." + +Hazlet told his story with such deep solemnity, and such hollow pauses +of emotion, that the listeners sat silent for a while. + +"But yet," said Lillyston, "if you come to analyse this, it resolves +itself into nothing. You were confessedly agitated, and almost +hysterical that night; your body was unstrung; you were wet through, and +it was doubtless the sudden passage from the darkness outside to the dim +and uncertain glimmer of your own room, which acted so powerfully on +your excited imagination, as to project your inward thoughts into a +shape which you mistook for an external appearance. I remember noticing +the aspect of your rooms myself that evening; the mysterious shadows, +and the mingled effects of dull red firelight with black objects, +together with the rustle of the red curtain in front of your window +which you had left open, and the weird waving of your black gown in the +draught, made such an impression even on me merely in consequence of the +alarm your shriek had excited, that I could have fancied _anything_ +myself, if I wasn't pretty strong-headed, and rather prosaic. As it +was, I did half fancy an unknown Presence in the room." + +"Yes, but you say _inward_ thoughts," replied Hazlet eagerly. "Now +these _weren't_ my inward thoughts; on the contrary they flashed on me +like a revelation, and the strange word, `And,' (for I read distinctly, +`_And_ this is--') was to me like an awful copula connecting time and +eternity for ever. I had always thought of quite another, quite a +different hell; but this showed me for the first time that the state of +sinfulness is _the_ hell of sin. It was only the other day that I came +across those lines of Milton--oh, how true they are-- + + "Which way I fly is hell, _myself am hell_, + And in the lowest deep a lower deep + Still gaping to devour me opens wide, + To which the hell I suffer seems a heaven." + +"It was the truth conveyed in those lines which I then first discovered, +and discovered, it seems to me, from without. I know very very little-- +I am shamefully ignorant, but I do think that the vision of that night +taught me more than a thousand volumes of scholastic theology. And let +me say too," he continued humbly, "that by it I was plucked like a brand +from the burning; by it my conversion was brought about." + +None of the others were in a mood to criticise the phraseology of +Hazlet's religious convictions, and he clearly desired that the subject +of his own immediate experiences, as being one full of awfulness for +him, might be dropped. + +"Apropos of your argument, I care very little, Hugh," said Julian, +"whether you make supernatural appearances objective or subjective. I +mean I don't care whether you regard the appearance as a mere deception +of the eye, wrought by the disordered workings of the brain, or as the +actual presence of a supernatural phenomenon. The result, the effect, +the _reality_ of the appearance is just the same in either case. +Whether the end is produced by an illusion of the senses, or an appeal +to them, the end _is_ produced, and the senses _are_ impressed by +something which is not in the ordinary course of human events, just as +powerfully as if the ghost had flesh and blood, or the voice were a +veritable pulsation of articulated air. The only thing that annoys me +is a contemptuous and supercilious denial of the _facts_." + +"I hold with you, Julian," said Owen. "Take for instance the +innumerable recorded instances where intimation has been given of a +friend's or relative's death by the simultaneous appearance of his image +to some one far absent, and unconscious even of his illness. There are +four ways of treating such stories--the first is to deny their truth, +which is, to say the least, not only grossly uncharitable, but an absurd +and impertinent caprice adopted in order to reject unpleasant evidence; +the second is to account for them by an optical delusion, accidentally +synchronising with the event, which seems to me a most monstrous +ignoring of the law of chances; a third is to account for them by the +existence of some exquisite faculty, (existing in different degrees of +intensity, and in some people not existing at all), whereby physical +impressions are invisibly conveyed by some mysterious sympathy of +organisation a faculty of which it seems to me there are the most +abundant traces, however much it may be sneered and jeered at by those +shallow philosophers who believe nothing but what they can grasp with +both hands: and a fourth is to suppose that spirits can, of their own +will, or by superior permission, make themselves sometimes visible to +human eyes." + +"Or," said Julian, "so affect the senses _as to produce the impression_ +that they are present to human eyes." + +"And to show you, Lillyston," said Owen, "how little I fear any natural +explanations, and how much I think them beside the point, I'll tell you +what happened to me only the other night, and which yet does not make me +at all inclined to rationalise Hazlet's story. I had just put out the +candle in my bedroom, when over my head I saw a handwriting on the wall +in characters of light. I started out of bed, and for a moment fancied +that I could read the words, and that somebody had been playing me a +trick with phosphorus. But the next minute, I saw how it was; the +moonlight was shining in through the little muslin folds of the lower +blind, and as the folds were very symmetrical, the chequered reflection +on the wall looked exactly like a series of words." + +"Well, now, that would have made a capital ghost story," said Lillyston, +"if you had been a little more imaginative and nervous. And still more +if the illusion had only been partially optical, and partly the result +of excited feelings." + +"It matters nothing to me," said Hazlet, rising, "whether the characters +I saw were written by the finger of a man's hand, or limned by spirits +on the sensorium of the brain. All I know is that--thank God--_they +were there_." + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN. + +JULIAN AND KENNEDY. + + "But there where I have garnered up my heart, + Where either I must live, or bear no life; + The fountain from the which my current runs + Or else dries up; to be discarded thence! + Patience, thou young and rose-lipped cherubim! + Aye there, look grim as hell!" + Othello, Act 4, scene 2. + +Saint Werner's clock, with "its male and female voice," has just told +the university that it is nine o'clock. + +A little crowd of Saint Wernerians is standing before the chapel door, +and even the grass of the lawn in front of it is hardly sacred to-day +from common feet. The throng composed of undergraduates, dons, +bedmakers, and gyps, is broken into knots of people, who are chatting +together according to their several kinds; but they are so quiet and +expectant that the very pigeons hardly notice them, but flutter about +and coo and peck up the scattered bread-crumbs, just as if nobody was +there. If you look attentively round the court, you will see, too, that +many of the windows are open, and you may detect faces half concealed +among the window curtains. Clearly everybody is on the look out for +something, though it is yet vacation time, and only a small section of +the men are up. + +The door opens, and out sail the Seniors, more than ever conscious of +pride and power; they stream away in silk gowns, carrying on their faces +the smile of knowledge even into their isolation, where no one can see +it. For some reason or other they always meet in chapel, or, for all I +know, it may be in the ante-chapel, to elect the Saint Werner's +scholars. + +And now the much talked of, much thought of, anxiously expected list, +which is to make so many happy or miserable, is to be announced. On +that little bit of paper, which the chapel-clerk holds in his hands as +he stands on the chapel steps, are the names which everybody has been +longing to conjecture. He comes out and reads. There are nine +scholarships vacant, of which five will be given to the Third-year men, +and four to Julian's year. + +The five Third-year men are read first, and as each name is announced, +off darts some messenger from the crowd to carry the happy intelligence +to some expectant senior soph. The heads of listeners lean farther and +farther out of the window, for the clerk speaks so loud as to make his +voice heard right across the court; and the wires of the telegraph are +instantly put into requisition to flash the news to many homes, which it +will fill either with rejoicing or with sorrow. + +And now for the four Second-year scholars, who have gained the honour of +a scholarship their first time of trial, and whose success excites a +still keener interest. They are read out in the accidental order of the +first entering of their names in the college books. + +Silence! the Second-year scholars are--DUDLEY CHARLES OWEN, (for the +names are always read out at full length, Christian names and all); +JULIAN HOME; ALBERT HENRY SUTON; and it is a very astonishing fact, but +the fourth is Hugh James Lillyston. + +Who would have believed it? Everybody expected Owen and Home to get +scholarships their first time, and Suton was considered fairly safe of +one; but that Kennedy should _not_ have got one, and that Lillyston +should, were facts perfectly amazing to all who heard them. Saint +Werner's was full of surprise. But after all they might have expected +it; Kennedy had been grossly idle, and Lillyston, who had been +exceedingly industrious, was not only well-grounded at Harton in +classics, but had recently developed a real and promising proficiency in +mathematics; and it was this knowledge, joined to great good fortune in +the examination, which had won for him the much-envied success. + +But not Kennedy? + +No. This result was enough most seriously to damp the intense delight +which Julian otherwise felt in his own success, and that of his three +friends. + +Julian, half-expecting that he would be successful, had come up with +Owen early in the day, and received the news from the porter as he +entered the college. Kennedy and Lillyston were not yet arrived, and +Julian went to meet the coach from Roysley, hoping to see one of them at +least for he was almost as anxious to break the disappointment gently to +Kennedy, as he was to be the first to bear to his oldest school friend +the surprising and delightful news of his success. + +They were _both_ in the coach, and Julian was quite puzzled how to meet +them. His vexation and delight alternated so rapidly as he looked from +one to the other, that he felt exceedingly awkward, and would very much +have preferred seeing either of them alone. Lillyston was incredulous; +he insisted that there must be some mistake, until he actually saw the +list with his own eyes. It was quite by accident, and not with any view +of being sworn in as a scholar the next morning, that he had returned to +Saint Werner's on that day at all. Kennedy bore the bitter, but not +unexpected disappointment with silent stoicism, and showed an unaffected +joy at the happy result which had crowned the honest exertions of his +best-loved friends. + +He bore it in stoical silence, until he reached his own rooms; and then, +do not blame him--my poor Kennedy--if he bowed his head upon his hands, +and cried like a little child. There are times when the bravest man +feels quite like a boy--feels as if he were unchanged since the day when +he sorrowed for boyish trespasses, and was chidden for boyish faults. +Kennedy was very young, and he was eating the fruits of folly and +idleness in painful failure and hope deferred. In public he never +showed the faintest signs of vexation, but in the loneliness of his +closet do not blame him if he wept--for Violet's sake as well as for his +own. + +So once more he was separated from Julian and Lillyston in hall and +chapel, for they now sat at the scholars' table and in the scholars' +seats. + +He was beginning to get over his feeling of sorrow when he received a +letter, which did not need the coronet on the seal to show him that his +correspondent was De Vayne. He opened it with eagerness and curiosity, +and read-- + + "_Eaglestower, April_ 30, 18--, _Argyllshire_. + + "My Dear Kennedy--How long it is since we saw or heard of each other! + I am getting well now, slowly but surely, and as I am amusing my + leisure by reviving my old correspondence with my friends, let me + write to you whom I reckon and shall ever reckon among that honoured + number. + + "I am afraid that you consider me to have been slightly alienated from + you by the sad scene which your rooms witnessed when last we met in + health, and by the connection into which your name was dragged, by + popular rumour, with that unhappy affair. If such a thought has ever + troubled you, let me pray that you will banish it. I have long since + been sure that you would have been ready to suffer any calamity rather + than expose me to the foreseen possibility of such an outrage. + + "No, believe me, dear Kennedy, I am as much now as I always have been + since I knew you, your sincere and affectionate friend. Nor will I + conceal how deep an interest another circumstance has given me in your + welfare. You perhaps did not know that I too loved your affianced + Violet; how long, how deeply I can never utter to any living soul. I + did not know that you had won her affections, and the information that + such was the case, came on me like the death-knell of all my cherished + hopes. But I have schooled myself now to the calm contemplation of my + failure, and I can rejoice without envy in the knowledge, that in you + she has won a lover richly endowed with all the qualities on which + future happiness can depend. + + "I write to you partly to say good-bye. In a fortnight I am going + abroad, and shall not return until I feel that I have conquered a + hopeless passion, and regained a shattered health. Farewell to dear + Old Camford! I little thought that my career there would terminate as + it did, but I trust in the full persuasion that God worketh all things + for good to them who love Him. + + "Once more good-bye. When I return, I hope that I shall see leaning + on your arm, a fair, a divine young bride.--Ever affectionately yours, + De Vayne." + +Kennedy had written home to announce that his name was _not_ to be found +in the list of Saint Werner's scholars. The information had disgusted +his father exceedingly. Mr Kennedy, himself an old Wernerian, loved +that royal foundation with an unchanging regard, and ever since that day +Edward had been playing in his hall a pretty boy, he determined that he +should be a Saint Werner's scholar at his first trial. He knew his +son's abilities, and felt convinced that there must be some radical +fault in his Camford life to produce such a disastrous series of +failures and disgraces. Unable to gain any real information on the +subject from Edward's letters, he determined to write up at once, and +ask the classical and mathematical tutors the points in which his son +was most deficient, and the reason of his continued want of success. + +The classical tutor, Mr Dalton, wrote back that Kennedy's failure was +due solely to idleness; that his abilities were acknowledged to be +brilliant, but that at Camford as everywhere else, the notion of success +without industry, was a chimera invented by boastfulness and conceit. +"Le Genie c'est la Patience." + +"You seem, however," continued Mr Dalton, "to be under the mistaken +impression that your son read with me last term, and even `read double.' +This is not the case, as he has ceased to read with me since the end of +the Christmas term: I was sorry that he did so; for if economy was an +object, I would gladly, merely for the sake of the interest I take in +him, have afforded gratuitous assistance to so clever and promising a +pupil." + +The letter of Mr Baer, the mathematical tutor, was precisely to the +same effect. "I can only speak," he said, "from what I observed of your +son previous to last Christmas; since then I have not had the pleasure +of numbering him among my pupils." + +When Mr Dalton's letter came, Mr Kennedy was exceedingly perplexed to +understand what it meant, and assumed that there must be some +unaccountable mistake. He simply could not believe that his son could +have asked him for the money on false pretences. But when Mr Baer's +letter confirmed the fact that Kennedy had not been reading with a tutor +either in classics or mathematics during the previous quarter, it seemed +impossible for any one any longer to shut his eyes to the truth. + +When the real state of the case forced itself on Mr Kennedy's +conviction, his affliction was so deep that no language can adequately +describe what he suffered. In a few days his countenance became +sensibly older-looking, and his hair more grey. His favourite and only +surviving son had proved unworthy and base. Not only had he wasted time +in frivolous company, but clearly he must have sunk very low to be +guilty of a crime so heinous in itself, and so peculiarly wounding to a +father's heart, as the one which it was plain that he had committed. + +At first Mr Kennedy could not trust himself to write, lest the anger +and indignation which usurped the place of sorrow should lead him into a +violence which might produce irreparable harm. Meanwhile, he bore in +silence the blows which had fallen. Not even to his daughter Eva did he +reveal the overwhelming secret of her brother's shame, but brooded in +loneliness over the fair promise of the past, blighted utterly in the +disgrace of the present. Often when he had looked at his young son, and +seen how glorious and how happy his life might be, he had determined to +shelter him from all evil, and endow him with means and opportunities +for every success. He had looked to him as a pride and stay in +declining manhood, and a comfort in old age. Edward Kennedy had been "a +child whom every eye that looked on loved," and now he was--; Mr +Kennedy _could_ not apply to him the only name which at once sprang up +to his lips. He wrote-- + + "Dear Edward,--When I tell you that it costs me an _effort_, a + _strong_ effort to call you `dear,' you may judge of the depth of my + anger. I cannot trust myself, nor will I condescend to say much to + you. Suffice it for you to know that your shameful transactions are + detected, and that I am now aware of the means, the treacherous + dishonest means you have adopted to procure money, which, since I give + you an ample and liberal allowance, can only be wanted to pander to + vice, idleness, and I know not what other forms of sin. + + "I tell you that I do not know what to say; if you can act as you have + acted, you must be quite deaf to expostulation, and dead to shame. + You have done all you can to cover me and yourself with dishonour, and + to bring down my grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. + + "Oh Edward, Edward! if I could have foreseen this in the days when you + were yet a young and innocent and happy boy, I would have chosen + rather that you should die. + + "It must be a long time before you see my face again. I will not see + you in the coming holidays, and I at once reduce your allowance to + half of what it was. I cannot, and will not supply money to be wasted + in extravagance and folly, nor shall I again be deceived into granting + it to you on false pretences--Your indignant, deeply-sorrowing father, + T. KENNEDY." + +Kennedy read the letter, and re-read it, and laid it down on the table +beside his untouched breakfast. There was but one expression in his +face, and that was misery, and in his soul no other feeling than that of +hopeless shame. + +He did not, and could not write to his father. What was to be said? He +must bear his burden--the _burden of detection and of punishment_-- +alone. + +And the thought of Violet added keener poignancy to all his grief. For +Kennedy could not but observe that her letters were not so fondly, +passionately loving as they once had been, and he knew that the fault +was his, because his own letters reflected, like a broken mirror, the +troubled images of his wandering heart. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT. + +KENNEDY'S DESPAIR. + + "When all the blandishments from life are gone, + The coward slinks to death;--the brave live on!" + +Of all the sicknesses that can happen to the human soul, the deadliest +and the most incurable is the feeling of despair--and this was the +malady which now infected every vein of Kennedy's moral and intellectual +life. + +Could he but have conquered his pride so far as to take but one person +into his confidence, all might have been well. But Violet--could he +ever tell Violet of sins which her noble heart must render so +inconceivable as almost to make it impossible for her to sympathise with +one who committed them? And Eva; could he ever wound the tender +affection of his sweet sister, by revealing to her the disgrace of the +brother whom, from her childhood, she had idolised? He sometimes +thought that he would confess to Julian or Lillyston; but his courage +failed him when the time came, and he fed on his own heart in solitude, +avoiding the society of men. + +The sore burden of a self-reproaching spirit wore him down. He had +fallen so often now, and swerved so often from the path of temperance, +rectitude, and honour, that he began to regard himself as a hopeless +reprobate--as one who had been weighed and found wanting--tested of God, +and deliberately set aside. + +And so step by step the devil thrust him into desperation, and strove +thereby to clinch the hopelessness of his estate. With wild fierce +passion, Kennedy flung himself into sins he had never known before; +angrily he laid waste the beauty and glory of the vineyard whose hedge +had been broken down; a little entrance to the sanctuary had been opened +to evil thoughts, and they, when once admitted, soon flung back wider +and wider the golden gates, till the revelling band of worse +wickednesses rushed in and defiled the altar, and trampled on the virgin +floors, and defaced the cedarn walls with images of idolatry and +picturings of sin. Because he had sunk into the slough of despond, he +would be heedless of the mud that gathered on his garments. Was he not +ruined already? Could anything much worse befall him than had befallen +him already? No; he would sin on now and take his fill. + +It was a short period of his life; but in no other period did he suffer +so much, or shake more fatally the foundations of all future happiness. +It was emphatically a sin against his own soul, and as such it affected +his very look. Those blue laughing eyes were clouded over, and the +bloom died away from his cheeks, and the ingenuous beauty from his +countenance, as the light of the Shechinah grew pale and dim in the +inmost sanctuary. Kennedy was not mastered by impulse, but driven by +despair. + +Nor did he take any precaution to shield himself from punishment--the +punishment of outward circumstance and natural consequence--as his moral +abasement proceeded. His acquaintances shunned him, his friends dropped +away from him, and the guiltiness of the present received a tinge of +deeper horror from the gloom of the future. + +All that could be done, Julian did. He warned, he expostulated, he +reminded of purer and happier--of pure and happy days. But he did not +know the bitter fountain of despondency whence flowed those naphthaline +streams of passion. At last he said-- + +"Kennedy, I have not often spoken to you of my dear sister; it is time +to speak of her now. Your conduct proves to me that you do not and +cannot love her." + +Kennedy listened in silence; his face bowed down upon his hands. "You +_could_ not go on as you are doing if you loved her, for love allows no +meaner, no unhallowed fires to pollute her vestal flame. Your love must +be a pretence--a thing of the past. It was only possible, Kennedy, when +you were worthier than now you are." + +He groaned deeply, but still said nothing. + +"Kennedy," continued Julian, "I have loved you as a friend, as a +brother; I love you still most earnestly, and you must not be too much +pained at what I say; but I have come to a determination which I must +tell you, and by which I must abide. Your engagement with Violet must +cease." + +"Does SHE say so?" he asked in a hollow voice. + +"No, she does not know, Kennedy, what I know of you; but she will trust +my deep affection, and know that I act solely for her good. The blow +may almost kill her, but better that she should die than that her life +should be ever connected--oh, that you should have driven me to say it-- +with one so stained as yours!" + +"Aye!" said Kennedy bitterly, "stab hard, for the knife is in your hand. +Fling dust on those who are down already--it is the world's way. I see +through it all, Julian Home; you would gladly get rid of me, that Violet +may wear a coronet. No comparison between a penniless and ruined +undergraduate, and a handsome, rich young viscount." + +"Unjust! ungenerous!" answered Julian, with indignation; "you have +poisoned your own true heart, Kennedy, or you would not utter the lie +which you must disbelieve. Edward Kennedy, I will not attempt to rebut +your unworthy suspicions; you know neither my character nor Violet's, or +you would not have dared to utter them. No--it is clearer to me than +ever that you are no fit suitor for my sister. Passion and weakness +have dragged you very low. I trust and pray that you may recover +yourself again." + +A sudden rush of tears came to his eyes as he turned away to leave his +earliest and best-loved college friend. But Kennedy stopped him, and +said wildly-- + +"Stop, Julian Home, you shall hear me speak. I can hardly believe that +you do this of your own responsibility--without Violet's--nay, nay, I +must not call her so--without your sister's consent. And if this be so, +hear me. Tell her that I scorn the heart which would thus fling away +its plighted love: tell her that she has committed a great sin in thus +rejecting me: tell her that _she_ is now responsible for all my +future,--that whatever errors I may fall into, whatever sins I may +commit, whatever disgrace or ruin I may incur, _she_ is the author of +them. Tell her that if I ever live to do ungenerous acts, or ever yield +to bursts of foolish passion, the acts are hers, not mine; _she_ will +have caused them; my life lies at her feet. Tell her this before it is +too late. What? you still wish to hurry away? Go, then." He almost +pushed Julian out, and banged the door after him. + +Amazed at this paroxysm of wrath and madness, Julian went down-stairs +with a slow step and a heavy, heavy heart; above all, he dreaded the +necessity of breaking to Violet the heart-rending intelligence of his +decision, and the circumstances which caused it. He trembled to do it, +for he knew not how crushing the weight might prove. At last he +determined to write to his mother, and to beg her to bear for him the +pain of telling that which her womanly tact and maternal sympathy might +make less overwhelming to be borne. + +But Kennedy, after Julian's words, rushed out of his rooms, and it was +night. He left the college, and wandered into the fields--he knew not +whither, nor with what intent. + +His brain was on fire. The last gleam that lent brightness to his life +had been extinguished; the friend whom he loved best had cast him off; +his name was sullied; his love rejected. It was not _thought_ which +kept him in a tumult, but only a physical consciousness of dreadful, +irremediable calamity; and but for the wind which blew so coldly and +savagely in his face, and the rain that soaked his clothes and cooled +the fever of his forehead, he feared that he might go mad. + +He did not return to the college till long past midnight; and the old +porter, as he got out of bed to open the gate, could not help saying to +him in a tone of reproach-- + +"Oh, Mr Kennedy, sir--excuse me, sir--but these are bad ways." + +The words were lost upon him: he went up to his room, and threw himself, +without taking off his clothes, upon his bed. No sleep came to him, and +in the morning--damp, weary, and feverish as he had been--his look was +inexpressibly pitiable and haggard. + +The imperious demands of health forced him to take some notice of his +condition; and he was about to put on clean clothes, and take some warm +tea about ten in the morning, when the Master's servant came to tell him +that the Seniority desired his presence. + +He at once knew that it must be for his irregularity of the previous +night, which, in the agitation of other thoughts, had not occurred to +him before. He remembered, too, that the Senior Dean had only recently +threatened him that, in consequence of his late misdoings, the next +offence would be visited with summary and final punishment. + +Kennedy received rather hard treatment at the hand of the Senior Dean, +who was a very worthy and excellent man, but so firm and punctilious +that he could neither conceive nor tolerate the existence of beings less +precise in their nature than himself. Kind and well-intentioned, he was +utterly unfit for the guidance of young men, because he was totally +deficient in those invaluable qualities--sympathy and tact. He had +early taken a dislike to Kennedy, in consequence of some very harmless +frivolities of his freshman's year. Kennedy, in his frolicsome and +happy moods, had, in ways, childish, perhaps, but completely harmless, +offended the sensitive dignity of the college official, and these +trivial eccentricities the Dean regarded as heinous faults--the symptoms +of a reckless and irreverent character. There was one particular +transaction which gave him more than usual offence, in which Kennedy, +hearing a very absurd story at a don's party, while the Dean was +present, parodied it with such exquisite humour and such complete +command of countenance, that all the other men, in spite of the official +presence, had indecorously broken into fits of laughter. It is a great +pity when rulers and teachers take such terrible fright at little +outbreaks of mere animal and boyish spirits. + +The Dean was inclined therefore from the first to take the most serious +view of Kennedy's proceedings, even when they were not as questionable +as recently they had been. Instead of trying to enter into a young +man's feelings and temptations with consideration and forbearance, the +Dean regarded them from a moral watchtower of unapproachable altitude, +and hence to him the errors which he was sometimes obliged to punish +were not regarded as human failings, but as monstrous and inexplicable +phenomena. He could not in the least understand Kennedy; he only looked +at him as a wild, and objectionable, and irregular young man; while +Kennedy reciprocated his pity by a hardly-concealed contempt. + +So, as Kennedy took cap and gown, and walked across the court to the +combination-room, he became pretty well aware that a very heavy sentence +was hanging over his head. He cared little for it; nothing that Saint +Werner's or its authorities could do, would wound him half so deeply as +what he was already suffering, or cause the iron to rankle more +painfully in his soul. He felt as a man who is in a dream. + +He stood before them with a look of utter vacancy and listlessness, the +result partly of physical weariness, partly of complete indifference. +He was aware that the Dean, undisturbed this time, was haranguing him to +his heart's content, but he had very little notion of what he was +saying. At last his ear caught the question-- + +"Have you any explanation to offer of your conduct, Mr Kennedy?" + +He betrayed how little he had been attending by the reply-- + +"What conduct, sir?" + +The Dean ruffled his plumage, and said with asperity-- + +"Your conduct last night, sir." + +"I was wandering in the fields, sir." + +"Wandering in the fields!" In the Dean's formal and regular mind such a +proceeding was wholly unintelligible; fancy a sensible member of a +college wandering in the fields on a wet stormy night past twelve +o'clock! "Really, Mr Kennedy, you must excuse us, but we can hardy +accept so fantastic an explanation; we can hardly believe that you had +no ulterior designs." + +Kennedy was bothered and fretful; he was not thinking of Deans or +Seniors just then; his thoughts were reverting to his father's +implacable anger, and to Julian's forbidding him to hope for the love of +Violet Home. Weary of the talking, and careless of explaining anything +to them, and with a short return of his old contempt, he wished to cut +short the discussion, and merely said-- + +"I can't help what you accept or what you believe." + +The Seniors had a little discussion among themselves, in which the +opinion of Mr Norton appeared to be over-borne by the majority of +votes, and then the Senior Dean said shortly-- + +"Mr Kennedy, we have come to the decision that it is undesirable for +you to remain at Saint Werner's at present, until you have mended your +ways, and taken a different view of the duties and responsibilities of +college life. You are rusticated for a year. You must leave +to-morrow." + +Kennedy bowed and left the room. He, too, had been coming to a +decision, and one that rendered all minor ones a matter of no +consequence to him. During all the wet, and feverish, and sleepless +night he had been determining what to do, and the event of this morning +confirmed him still further. He was rusticated for a year; where could +he go? Not to his father and his home, where every eye would look on +him as a disgraced and characterless man; not to any of his relations or +friends, who would regard him perhaps as a shame and burden;--no, there +was but one home for him, and that was the long home, undisturbed +beneath the covering of the grave. + +The burden and mystery of life lay heavily on him--its lasting +calamities and vanishing joys, its trials and disappointments. He would +try whether, in a new state of life, the same distorted individuality +was a necessary possession. Would it be necessary there also to live +two lives in one, to have a soul, within whose precincts curse wrestled +with blessing, good with evil, and life with death? As life went with +him then, he would rather escape from it even into annihilation; he +groaned under it, and in spite of all he had heard or read, he had no +fear whatever of the after-death. If he had _any_ feeling about _that_, +it was a feeling of curiosity alone. He could not wholly condemn +himself: he felt that however much evil might have mastered him good was +the truest and most distinctive element of his being. He loved it even +when he abandoned it, and yielded himself to sin. He could not believe +that for these frailties, he would be driven into an existence of +unmitigated pain. + +He had no fear, no shadow of fear of the state of death, for he forgot +that he would carry himself, his unchanged being--Conscience, Habit and +Memory--into the other world. What he dreaded was the spasm of dying-- +the convulsion that was to snap the thousand silver strings in the harp +of life. This he shuddered at, but he consoled himself that it would be +over in a moment. + +He took no food that day, but wrote to his father, to Eva, to Julian, +Violet, and De Vayne. He told them his purpose, and prayed their +forgiveness for all the wrongs he had done them. And then there seemed +no more to do. With weak unsteady steps he paced his room, and looked +at the old Swiss chamois-gun above the door. He took it down and +handled it. It was a coarse clumsy weapon, and he could not trust it to +effect his purpose. Shunning observation, he walked by back streets and +passages until he came to a gunsmith's shop, where he bought a large +pistol, under pretence of wanting it for the purposes of travel. + +He carried it home himself, but instead of returning straight to his +rooms, he was tempted to stroll for a last time about the grounds. The +delightful softness of the darkening air on that spring evening, and the +cheerful gleam of lamps leaping up here and there between the trees, and +flickering on the quiet river, enticed him up the glorious old entwined +avenue into the shadow of the great oaks beyond, until he found himself +leaning between the weeping willows over the bridge of Merham Hall, +looking on the still grey poetic towers, and the three motionless +reposing swans, and the gloaming of the west. And so, still thinking, +thinking, thinking, he slowly wandered home. + +As he had determined to commit suicide that night, it mattered little to +him at what hour it was done, and opening the first book on the table, +he tried to kill time until it grew later and darker. The book happened +to be a Bible, and conscious how much it jarred with his present frame +of mind, and his guilty purpose, he threw it down again; _but not until +his eye had caught the words_:-- + +"AND HE SAW THE ANGEL OF THE LORD STANDING IN THE WAY." + +The verse haunted him against his will, till he half shuddered at the +dim light which the moon made, as it struggled through the curtains only +partially drawn, into the quaint old room. He would delay no longer, +and loaded the pistol with a dreadful charge, which should not fail of +carrying death. + +Some fancy seized him to put out the lights, and then with a violent +throbbing at the heart, and a wild prayer for God's mercy at that +terrible hour, he took the pistol in his hand. + +At that very instant,--when there was hardly the motion of a hair's +breadth between him and fate,--what was it that startled his attention, +and caused his hand to drop, and fixed him there with open mouth and +wild gaze, and caused him to shiver like the leaves of the acacia in a +summer wind? + +Right before him,--half hidden by the window curtains, and half drawing +them back,--clear and distinct he saw the spirit of his dead mother with +uplifted finger and sad reproachful eyes fixed upon her son. The +countenance so sorrowfully beautiful, the long bright gleaming of the +white robe, the tresses floating down over the shoulders like a golden +veil, for one instant he saw them, not dim and shadowy like the fading +outlines of a dream, but with all the marked full character of living +vision. + +"Oh mother, mother!" he whispered, as he stretched out his hands, and +sank trembling upon his knees, and bowed his head; but as he raised his +head again, there was nothing there; only the glimmer of lamps about the +court, and the pale moonlight streaming through the curtains, partly +drawn, into the quaint old room. + +Unable to trust himself with the murderous weapon in his hand even for a +moment, yet swept from his evil purpose by the violent reflux of new and +better thoughts, he fired the pistol into the air. The barrel, +enormously overloaded, burst in the discharge, and uttering a cry, he +fell fainting, with his right hand shattered, to the ground. + +His cry and the loud report of the explosion raised the alarm, and as +the men rushed up and forced open the door of his room, they found him +weltering in his blood upon the floor. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY NINE. + +EVA ENTERS THE CHAPEL. + + "I took it for a faery vision + Of some bright creatures of the element, + That in the colours of the rainbow live + And play i' the plighted clouds; I was awe-struck, + And, as I passed, I worshipped." + Comus. + +The long, long illness that followed, and the weary time which it took +to heal the mutilated hand, proved the greatest blessings that could +have befallen the weak and erring heart of Edward Kennedy. They spared +him the necessity of that heart-rending meeting with those whom he best +loved, the dread of which had been the most powerful incitement to urge +upon him the thought of suicide. They gave him time to look before and +after--they relieved the painful tension of his overwrought mind--they +calmed him with the necessity for quiet thought and deep rest after the +anguish and turmoil of the bygone months. + +When he awoke to consciousness, Eva was sitting by his bedside in the +sick-room. Slowly the well-remembered objects and the beloved face +broke upon his recollection, but at first he could remember nothing +more, nor connect the strange present with the excited past. Still more +slowly--as when one breaks the azure sleep of some unruffled mountain +mere by the skimming of a stone, and for a long time the clear images of +blue sky, and wreathing cloud, and green mountain-top, are shaken and +confused on the tremulous and twinkling wave, but unite together into +the old picture when the water has recovered its glassy smoothness--so +still more slowly did Kennedy's troubled memory reflect the incidents, +(alas! unbeautiful and threatening incidents), of the preceding days. +They came back to him as he lay there quite still; and then he groaned. + +"Hush! dearest Edward," said Eva, who had watched his face, and guessed +from its expressive workings the progress of his thoughts; "hush, we are +with you, and all is going on well. Your hand is healing." + +He found that his right hand was tightly and firmly bandaged, and kept +still by a splint. + +"Was it much hurt? Shall I recover the use of it?" + +"Yes, almost certainly, Dr Leesby says. I will tell papa that you are +awake." + +"Is he very, very angry?" asked poor Kennedy. + +"He has forgiven all, dear," she said, kissing his forehead. "It was +all very dreadful,"--and a cold shiver ran over her--"but none of us +will ever allude to it again. Banish it from your thoughts, Eddy; we +will leave Camford as soon as you can be moved." + +She went to fetch her father, and as he came in and leant fondly over +his son's sick-bed, and grasped warmly his unwounded hand, tears of +afflicting memory coursed each other fast down the old man's cheeks. He +had been hard, too hard upon Edward; perhaps his severity had driven him +of late into such bad courses, and to the brink of such an awful and +disgraceful end; perhaps if he had been kinder, gentler, more +sympathising for this first offence, he might have been saved the +anguish of driving his poor boy to lower and wilder depths of sin and +sorrow. It was all over now; and amid the apparent wreck of all his +hopes, even after the death-blows which recent events had dealt to his +old pride in his noble child, he yet regarded him as he lay there-- +wounded and in such a way--with all the pity of a Christian's +forgiveness, with all the fondness of a father's love. + +"Oh, father, I have suffered unspeakably. If God ever raises me to +health and strength again, I vow with all my heart to serve Him as I +have never done before." + +"Yes, Edward, I trust and believe it; think no more of the past; let the +dead bury their dead. The golden present is before you, and you will +have two friends who never desert the brave man--your Maker and +yourself." + +A silence followed, and then Eva said, "I have just seen Dr Leesby, +Eddy, and he says that if you are now quite yourself, and the +light-headedness has ceased, you may be moved on Monday." + +"And to-day is?--I have lost all count of time." + +"To-day is Saturday. Won't it be charming, dear, to find ourselves once +more at home; quietly at home, with no one but ourselves, and our own +love to make us happy." + +"And what am I to do, Eva?" + +"Hush, Eddy; sufficient for the day--" + +"Does she know, Eva? Do you ever hear from her now?" + +"Yes, often--but do not think too much of those things just yet." + +"And Julian?" + +"He has often come to ask after you," she said blushing, "but he is +afraid to see you, lest it should do you harm just now." + +"Perhaps he is right. We are not all enemies, then?" + +"Enemies with Julian and Violet? _Oh no_." + +Though the engagement of Kennedy with Violet had been broken off by the +common desire of Julian and Mr Kennedy, the two families still +continued their affectionate intercourse, and bewailed the sad necessity +which drove them to a step so painful, yet so unavoidably required by +the welfare of all concerned. And from the first they hoped that all +might yet be well, while some among them began to fancy that if Kennedy +and Violet should ever be united, it would not be the only close bond +between hearts already full of mutual affection. + +So Julian still came daily during Kennedy's illness to see Eva and Mr +Kennedy, and to inquire after the sufferer's health. And sometimes he +took them for a walk in the grounds or the immediate neighbourhood of +Camford, a place which they had never visited before, and which to them +was full of interest. + +Eva had often heard of the glories of Saint Werner's chapel, and on the +Sunday she asked Julian if it would be possible for her to go with her +father to the evening service there. + +"Oh yes," said Julian; "certainly. I will get one of the Fellows to +take you in. It is a remarkable sight, and I think you ought to go." + +The Sunday evening came, and Julian escorted them to the ante-chapel, +and showed them the various sculptures and memorials of mighty names. +They then waited by the door till some Fellow whom Julian knew should +pass into the chapel to escort them to a vacant place in the Fellows' +seats. + +Saint Werner's Chapel consists of a single aisle, along the floor of +which are placed rows of benches for the undergraduates; raised above +these to a height of three steps are the long seats appropriated to the +scholars and the Bachelors of Arts; and again, two steps above these are +the seats of the Fellows and Masters of Arts, together with room for +such casual strangers as may chance to be admitted. In the centre of +these long rows, on either side, are the places for the choristers, men +and boys, and the lofty thrones whence the Deans "look down with +sleepless eyes upon the world." By the door on either side are the +red-curtained and velvet-cushioned seats of the Master and Vice-master, +beyond whom sit the noblemen and fellow-commoners. By the lectern and +reading-desk is a step of black and white marble, which extends to the +altar, on which are two candlesticks of massive silver; and over them +some beautiful carved oaken work covers a great painting, flanked on +either side by old gilded pictures of the Saviour and the Madonna. +Imagine this space all lighted from wall to wall by wax candles, and at +the end by large lamps which shed a brighter and softer light, and +imagine it filled, if you can, by five hundred men in snowy surplices, +and you have a faint fancy of the scene which broke on the eyes of Mr +Kennedy and Eva, as they passed between the statues of the ante-chapel, +and under the pealing organ into the inner sanctuary of Saint Werner's +chapel. + + "Could they behold-- + Who, less insensible than sodden clay + In a sea river's bed at ebb of tide-- + Could have beheld with undelighted heart + So many happy youths, so wide and fair + A congregation in its budding-time + Of health, and hope, and beauty, all at once + So many divers samples from the growth + Of life's sweet season--could have seen unmoved + That miscellaneous garland of wild flowers, + Decking the matron temples of a place, + So famous through the world?" + +It was Mr Norton whom Julian caught hold of as an escort for his +friends into the chapel. I well remember, (who that saw it does not?) +that entrance. It was rather late; the organ was playing a grand +overture, the men were all in their seats, and the service just going to +begin, when Eva entered leaning on Mr Norton's arm, and followed by her +father and Julian. Many of the Saint Werner's men had seen her walking +in the grounds the last day or two, and as Kennedy's sister a peculiar +interest attached to her just then. But she needed no such accidental +source of interest to attract the liveliest attention of such keen and +warm enthusiasts for beauty as the Camford undergraduates. Ladies are +comparatively rare apparitions in that semi-monastic body of scholars; +and ladies both young and lovely are rare indeed. So as Eva entered, so +young and so fair, the bright and graceful and beautiful Eva--with that +exquisite rose-tinge which the air of Orton-on-the-Sea had given her, +and the folded softness of the tresses which flowed down beside her +perfect face, and the light of beaming eyes seen like jewels under her +long eyelashes as she bent her glance upon the ground--as Eva entered, I +say, leaning on Mr Norton's arm, and touched, with the floating of her +pale silk dress, the surplices of the Saint Werner's men as they sat on +either side down the narrow passage, it was no wonder that every single +eye from that of the Senior Dean [Pace Decani dixerim!] to that of the +little chorister boy was turned upon her for an instant, as she passed +up to the only vacant seats, and Mr Norton caused room to be made for +her beside the tutor's cushion by the chaplain's desk. She was happily +unconscious of the admiration, and the perfect simplicity of her sweet +girlish unconsciousness added a fresh charm to the whole grace of her +manner and appearance. Only by the slightest possible blush did she +show her sense of her unusual position as the cynosure for the admiring +gaze of five hundred English youths; and that too though the dark and +handsome countenance of Mr Norton glowed visibly with a brighter +colour, (as though he were conscious of the thought respecting him, +which darted across many an undergraduate's mind), and even the face of +Julian, as he walked to the scholars' seats among the familiar ranks of +his compeers, was flushed with the crimson of a sensitiveness which he +would fain have hidden. + +And I cannot help it, if even during the noble service--even amid the +sound "Of solemn psalms and silver litanies," the eyes of many men +wandered towards a sweet face, and gazed upon it as they might have +gazed upon a flower, and if the thoughts of many men were absorbed +unwontedly in other emotions than those of prayer; nor can I help it if +Julian was one of those whose eyes and thoughts were so employed. + +What an evening star she was! And how her very presence filled all +hearts with a livelier sense of happiness and hope, and sweet pure +yearnings for wedded calm and bridal love! But she--innocent young +Eva--little knew of the sensation she had caused by the rare beauty of +her blossoming womanhood. _Her_ whole heart was in the act of worship, +except when it wandered for a moment to her poor sick Eddy, whom they +had left alone, or for another moment to one whom she could not but see +before her in the scholars' seats. She did not know that men were +looking at her, as she raised her clear warbling voice amid the silvery +trebles of the choir, and uttered with all the expressiveness of genuine +emotion those strains of poetry and passion which thrilled from the +heart to the harp of the warrior-prophet and poet-king. And never did +truer prayers come from a woman's lips than those which her heart +offered as her head was bowed that night. + +The service was over, and the congregation streamed out. That evening +the ante-chapel was fuller than usual of men, who stayed nominally to +hear the organ; but besides those musical souls, who always linger to +hear the voluntary, or to talk in little groups, there were others who, +on that pretence, waited to catch another glimpse--a last glimpse of +eyes whose deep and lovely colour had flowed into their souls. They +were disappointed though, for Eva dropped her veil. With a graceful bow +to Mr Norton, which he returned with courteous dignity, she took +Julian's proffered arm, and walked out into the court, her father +following. A proud man was Julian that evening, and the subject of +kindly envy to not a few. + +But that little incident--the many eyes that had seen his treasure-- +determined Julian to take the step which he had long decided upon in his +secret heart. He was half-jealous of the open, unconcealed admiration +which Eva had excited, and it made him fear lest another should approach +the object of his love, and occupy a place in the heart which he had not +even demanded as his own. He was positively in a hurry. What if some +undergraduate should get an introduction to Eva--some gay and handsome +Adonis--and should suddenly carry away her heart? + +So when Mr Kennedy went into the sick-room to read to Edward the +lessons for the day, and Julian stayed with Eva in the sitting-room, he +drew his chair beside hers, and they began to talk about Saint Werner's. + +"Do you think you shall ever be a Fellow, Julian? I should so like you +to be?" + +"And if I am, I shall hope very soon to exchange it for a happier +fellowship, Eva." + +She wouldn't see what he meant, so he said, "Eva, shall I read to you?" + +"Yes," she said, "I should like it so much; I used to enjoy so much the +poetry we read at Grindelwald." + +He took down Coleridge's poems from the shelf, and read-- + + "All thoughts, all passions, all delights, + Whatever stirs this mortal frame, + Are all but ministers of love, + And feed his sacred flame." + +He went on, watching her colour change with the musical variations of +his voice, until he came to the verse-- + + "I told her how he pined,--and ah + The deep, the low, the pleading tone + In which I sang another's love + Interpreted my own." + +He saw her breast heaving with agitation, and throwing away the book, he +bent down beside her, and looked up into her deep eyes, and said, "Oh, +Eva, what need of concealment? You have read it long ago, have you not? +I love you, Eva, love you so passionately--you cannot tell the depth of +my love. Do you return it, Eva?" he said as he gained possession of her +hand. + +She had won him then--the dream of her latter life. This was the noble +Julian kneeling at her side. She trembled for very joy, and +whispered--"Oh, Julian, Julian, do you not see that I loved you from the +first day we met?" She regretted the speech the next moment, as though +it had been wanting in maidenly reserve, but it was the first warm +natural utterance of her heart; and Julian sprang up in an ecstasy of +joy, and as she rose he claimed as his due a lover's kiss. + +She blushed crimson, but suffered him to sit down beside her; and they +sat, hardly knowing anything but the great fact that they loved each +other, till Mr Kennedy's voice had ceased in the adjoining room, and he +came in. + +"Oh, there you are," he said. "Edward is sinking to sleep. How good of +you to be so quiet!" + +They rose up, and Julian led her to him with her hand in his, and his +arm supporting her. "Mr Kennedy," he said, "I am going to ask you for +the most priceless jewel you possess." + +"What? Is it indeed so? Ah, you wicked Julian, do not rob me of Eva +yet. She is too young; and now that Edward seems likely to be ill so +long--ah, me! I am bereaved of my children. Well, well, I suppose it +must be so. Come here, darling, to the old father you are going to +desert; I daresay Julian won't grudge me one kiss." + +He kissed her tenderly, and she clung about his neck as she whispered, +"But it will not be yet for a long long time, papa." + +"What youth calls long, my Eva; but not long for those who are walking +into the shadow down the hill." + +O happy, happy lovers! how gloriously that night did the stars shine out +for you in the deep, unfathomable galaxies of heaven, and the dew fall, +and the moon dawn into a sky yet flushed with the long-unfading purple +of the fading day! Yet there was sadness mixed with their happiness as +they heard, until they parted, the plaintive murmurs of Kennedy's fitful +sleep, and thought of all the sufferings of their brother, and how +nearly, how very nearly, he had been hurried from the midst of them by +self-inflicted death. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY. + +REPENTANCE. + + "This world will not believe a man repents, + And this wise world of ours is mainly right + For seldom does a man repent, and use + Both grace and will to pick the vicious quitch + Of blood and nature wholly out of him, + And make all clean, and plant himself afresh." + Tennyson's _Idylls_. + +Beautiful Orton-on-the-Sea! Who that has been there does not long to +return there again and again, and gaze on the green and purple of its +broad bay, and its one little islet, and the golden sands that stretch +along its winding shore, and its glens clothed with fir trees and +musical with the voice of many rills? + +It was there that Kennedy had lived from childhood, and it was there +that he now returned to spend at home the year of his rustication. They +arrived at home on the Monday evening, and from that time forward +Kennedy rapidly gained health and strength, and was able to move about +again, though his hand healed but slowly, and it took months to enable +him to use it without pain. + +On that little islet of the bay was Kennedy's favourite haunt. It was a +place where the top of a low cliff was sheltered by a clump of trees +which formed a natural bower, from whence he would gaze untired for +hours on the rising and falling of the tide. A little orphan cousin +whom Mr Kennedy had adopted, used to row him over to this retirement, +and while the boy stayed in their little boat, and fished, or hunted for +seabirds' nests in the undisturbed creeks and inlets, Kennedy with some +volume of the poets in his hand, would rest under the waving branches, +and gaze upon the glancing waves. + +And at times, when, like a great glowing globe, the sun sank, after the +fiery heat of some burning summer day, into the crimsoned waters, and +filled the earth, and the heavens, and the sea with silent splendours, a +deep feeling of solemnity, such as he had never before experienced, +would steal over Kennedy's mind. He could not but remember, that, but +for God's special grace thwarting the nearly-accomplished purpose of his +sin, the eyes which were filled with such indescribable visions of +glory, would have been closed in death, and the brow on which the +sea-wind was beating in such cool and refreshful perfume would have been +crumbling under the clammy sod. Surely it must be for some great thing +that his life had been saved: it was his own no longer; it must be +devoted to mighty purposes of love and toil. Kennedy began to long for +some work of danger and suffering as his portion upon earth: he longed +ambitiously for the wanderings of the apostle and the crown of the +martyr. The good deeds of a conventional piety, the quiet routine of a +commonplace benevolence seemed no meet or adequate employment for his +highly-wrought mind. No, he would sail to another world; there he would +join a new colony in clearing away the primeval depths of some virgin +forest, and tilling the glebes of a rich and untried soil; and, living +among them, he would make that place a centre for wide evangelisation-- +the home of religious enthusiasms and equal laws; or he would go as a +missionary to the savage and the cannibal, and, sailing from reef to +reef, where the coral-islands of the Pacific mirror in the deep waters +of their calm lagoon the reed-huts of the savage, and the feathery +coronal of tropic trees, he would devote his life to reclaiming from +ignorance and barbarism the waste places of a degraded humanity. + +Such were the visions and purposes that floated through his mind--partly +the fantastic fancies of dreamy hours, partly the unconscious desire to +fly from a land which reminded him too painfully of vanished hopes, and +from a scene which had been the witness of his error and disgrace. +Perhaps, most of all, he was influenced by the desire to escape from a +house which constantly recalled the image of a lost love--a lost love +that he never hoped to regain; for Kennedy thought--though but little +had been said about it--that Violet had deliberately and finally +rejected him in scorn for the courses he had followed. + +But he wished, before he quite made up his mind as to his future career, +to see Violet once more, and bid her a last farewell. Not daring to +write and announce his intention lest she should refuse to meet him +again, and unwilling to trust his secret to any of her family, he +determined to see her by surprise, and enjoy for one last hour the +unspeakable happiness of sitting by her side. + +"Father," he said, "I am well now, or nearly well will you let me go on +a little journey?" + +"A journey?--where? We will all go together, Edward, if you want any +change of air and scene." + +He shook his head. "You can guess," he said, "where I wish to go for +the last time." + +"But do you think you can travel alone, Eddy, with your poor wounded +hand?" asked Eva. + +"Oh yes; the splints keep it safe, and I shall only be two days or so +away." + +They suffered him to fulfil his whim, although they felt that if he saw +Violet, the meeting could hardly fail to be full of pain. + +It was deep in autumn when he started, and arriving at Ildown, took up +his abode in the little village inn. He kept himself as free from +observation as he could, and begged the landlady, who recognised him, +not to mention his arrival to any one. She had seen him on his former +visit, and remembered favourably his genial good-humour and affable +bearing. He told her frankly that he had come to say good-bye to Miss +Home, whom he might not see again; but he did not wish to go to the +house--could the landlady tell him anything about their movements? + +"Why, yes; I do happen to know," she said, "and I suppose there can't be +no harm in telling you, for I heard Master Cyril say as how they were +all a-going a-gipseying to-morrow in the wood near the King's Oak." + +"And when do you think they will start?" + +"Oh, they'll start at ten, sir, in the morning, for I'm a-going to lend +'em my little trap to carry the perwisions in, and that." + +This would suit Kennedy capitally, and musing on the meeting of the +morrow, he sank into a doze in the armchair. A whispering awoke him, +and he was far from reassured by overhearing the following colloquy:-- + +"Who be that in the parlour?" asked a rustic. + +"Oh, that's the young gentleman as wer' Miss Violet's sweetheart," said +the barmaid confidentially; "nobody don't know of it, but I heard the +Missus a-saying so." + +"Why bean't he at the house then?" + +"Oh, ye know, he ain't her sweetheart no longer; there's been a muddle +somehow, and they do say as how he shot hisself, but he don't seem to be +shot much now, to look at 'im. He's as likely and proper a young +gentleman as I've seen for a long time." + +Taking his candle wearily, Kennedy listened to no more of the +conversation, and went to bed. His bedroom window looked towards the +pleasant house and garden of Mrs Home, and he did not lie down till he +had seen the light extinguished in the embowered window of Violet's +room. Next morning he got up betimes, and after dressing himself with +the utmost pain and difficulty, for he did not like to ask for the +assistance which he always had at home since his illness, he went down +to breakfast. Hardly touching the dainties which the hospitable old +landlady had provided, he strolled off to the wood, almost before Ildown +was a-stir, and sat down in a place, not far from the King's Oak, in a +green hollow, where he was sheltered from sight by the broad tree +trunks, and the tall and graceful ferns. + +He had not long to wait, and the time so spent would have been happy if +agitation had not prevented him from enjoying the glories of the scene. +Nowhere was "the gorgeous and melancholy beauty of the sunlit autumnal +landscape more bounteously displayed." The grand old trees all round +him were burning themselves away in many-coloured flames, and the green +leaves that still lingered amid the rich hues of beautiful decay, +suggested, in their contrasting harmony with their withered brethren, +many a deep moral to the thoughtful mind: and everything that the +thoughts could shape received a deeper emphasis from the unbroken +silence of the wood. + +The occupation of his mind made the time pass quickly, and it seemed but +a few minutes when he saw the Homes approaching the King's Oak. The +boys laid on the greensward the materials for the picnic, and then, +while Violet and Mrs Home seated themselves on a fallen trunk and took +out their work, Julian read to them, and Cyril and Frank walked through +the wood in search of exercise and amusement. + +As they passed near the spot where Kennedy was seated, they caught sight +of a squirrel's nest, and Frank was instantly on the alert to reach the +spoil. While he was scrambling with difficulty up the tall fir, Cyril +stayed at the foot, and Kennedy determined to call him. Cyril had grown +into a tall handsome boy of seventeen, and Kennedy knew that he could be +trusted to help him, for he had won the boy's affection thoroughly when +they were together in Switzerland. + +"Cyril!" + +The sound of a voice in that quiet place, out of earshot of his friends, +startled Cyril, and he turned hastily round. + +"Who's there?" + +"Edward Kennedy. Come here, Cyril, and let me speak to you; Frank does +not notice us." + +"Edward--you here?" said Cyril. "Why don't you come and see mother?"-- +he was going to say Violet, but he checked himself. + +"I want to see, not Mrs Home, but Violet," said Kennedy; "you know our +engagement is broken off, Cyril; I have only come to say farewell, +before I leave England, perhaps for ever. Call Violet here alone." + +Cyril, who had heard of Kennedy's wild ways at college, and of the +dreadful story that had raised against him the suspicion of intended +suicide, hesitated a moment, as though he were half-afraid or unwilling +to fulfil the commission. But Kennedy said to him sorrowfully--"You +need not fear, Cyril, that you will be doing wrong. Tell Frank first, +and then you can stay near, while I speak for a few minutes to your +sister." + +Cyril called down his brother from the tree, and told him that Kennedy +was there. "Stay here, Frankie, while I fetch Violet; Edward wants to +bid her good-bye." + +He ran off, and said--"Come here, Vi; Frank and I have something to show +you." + +"Is it anything very particular?" said Violet, "for I shall disturb +Julian's reading if I go away." + +"Yes, something very particular." + +"Won't you tell me what?" + +"Why, a squirrel's nest for one thing, which Frank has found. Do come." + +"You imperious boys, at home for your holidays!" she said, smiling; +"Punch hasn't half cured you of your tyranny to us poor sisters." She +rose to follow him, and when they had gone a few steps, he said-- + +"Vi, Edward Kennedy is in that little dell there, behind the trees; he +has come, he says, to bid you good-bye." + +The sudden announcement startled her, but she only leaned on Cyril's +shoulder, and walked on, while he almost heard the beating of her heart. + +"We will stay here, Violet; you see him there." Cyril pointed to a +tree, against whose trunk Kennedy was leaning, with his eyes bent upon +the ground, looking at the red splashes on the withered leaves, and the +golden buds embroidered on "elf-needled mat of moss." Hearing the sound +of footsteps he raised his head, and a moment after he was by Violet's +side. + +Taking her hand without a word, while her bosom shook with deep sobs as +she saw his pale face and maimed hand, he led her to the gnarled and +serpentine roots of a great oak, and seated her there, while he sat +lowly at her feet upon the red ground, "With beddings of the pining +umbrage tinged." + +How was it that she did not shrink from him? How was it that she seemed +content to rest close beside him, and suffered her hand to rest upon his +shoulder as he stooped? Did she love him still after all? Had Julian +deceived him with the assertion of her acquiescence in the termination +of their engagement? A strange rush of new hope filled his heart. He +would test the true state of her affections. + +"I have come," he said, in that tone of voice which was so dear to her +remembrance--"I have come, Violet, to bid you farewell for ever. Since +you have rejected me, I have neither heart nor hope, and I shall leave +England as soon as I may go." + +The tears were falling fast from her blue eyes. "Oh, Edward," she said, +"why do you bid me farewell? Do you not think that I love you still?" + +"Still, Violet? You love _me_, the ruined, dishonourable, disgraced-- +the--" She would not hear the dreadful word, but laid her finger on his +lip. + +"Oh, hush, Edward! Those words are not for you. You may have sinned; +they tell me you _have_ sinned. But have you not repented too, Edward? +Have the lessons of sickness and anguish taught you nothing? I am sure +they have. I could not wed one who was living an evil life, but now I +see your true self once more." + +"Then you love me still?" The words were uttered in astonishment, and +the emotions of unexpected joy almost overpowered him. + +"I never ceased to love you, Edward. Do you think that I am one to +trifle with your heart, or to use it as a plaything for me to triumph +by? Never, never. Had you died, or worse still, had you continued in +sinful ways, I could not even then have ceased to love you, though we +might have been separated until death. But now I read other things in +your face, Edward, and I will be yours--your betrothed--again. Come, +let us join the rest. There is not one of us but will welcome you with +joy." + +"Nay, nay, let us stay here for a moment," he cried, as she rose up; +"let me realise the joyful sensation which your words have given me; let +me sit here, Violet, a few moments at your feet, and feel the touch of +your hand in mine, and look at your face, that I may recover strength +again." + +They sat there in silence, and the thoughts of both recurred to that +other scene where they had sat on the great boulder under the shadow of +the Alps, and watched the rose-film steal over their white summits on +the golden summer eve. It was the same love that still filled their +souls--the same love, but more sober, more quiet, more like the love of +maturer years, less like the passionate love of boy and girl. It was +more of an autumnal love than of old; and if the departing summer had +flung new hues over the forest and the glen, they were the duller hues +that recalled to mind the greater glory of the past. It was round a +dying year that Autumn was "folding his jewelled arms." Yet they were +happy--very happy, and they felt that, come what might, nothing on earth +could part them now. + +When Kennedy had grown more calm, Violet called for Cyril, and bade him +break the fact of Edward's presence to her mother and Julian. The boy +bounded off to do her bidding, and in a few moments Kennedy was seated +among the Homes as one of them. They received him with no simulated +affection; Frank and Cyril helped to take away all awkwardness from the +meeting by their high spirits, and when they all sat down on the velvet +mosses to their rural meal, every one of them had banished the painful +hauntings of the past. Of course Kennedy accompanied them home; they +drove back in the quiet evening, and Kennedy sat by Violet's side. + +He stayed at Ildown till Julian returned to Saint Werner's, and, as was +natural, he revolved in his mind continually his future course. At last +he determined to talk it over with Violet, and told her of all his +heroic longings for a life of toil and endeavour, if need were, even of +banishment and death--all the high thoughts that had filled his heart as +he sat alone in the island by Orton-on-the-Sea. + +"Let us wait," she said, "Edward. God will decide all this for us in +time, and if duty seems to call you to the hard life of missionary or +colonist, I am ready to go with you." + +"But don't you feel yourself, Violet, a kind of commonplace-ness about +English life; a silver-slippered religion, a pettiness that does not +satisfy, a sense of comfort incompatible with the strong desire to do +the work which others will not do in the neglected corners of the +vineyard?" + +"No," she answered, smiling, "I am content:-- + + "`The trivial round, the common task + Should furnish all we ought to ask; + Room to deny ourselves--a road + To bring us daily nearer God.'" + +"True," he said; "well, I must try not to carry ambition into my +religion." + +"Of course you return to Saint Werner's next autumn?" + +He mused long. "Ah, Violet, you cannot conceive how awful to my +imagination that place has grown. And to return after rustication, and +live among men who will regard me with galling curiosity, and dons who +will look at me sideways with suspicion--can I ever bear it?" + +"Why not, Edward? They cannot affect _you_ by their opinion. I heard +you say the other day that your heart was becoming an island, and the +waters round it broadening every day. If the island itself be beautiful +and happy, it need not reck of the outer world." + +"You are right, Violet. I will return if need be, and bear all meekly +which I have deserved to bear. The one sorrow will be gone," he said, +as he drew her nearer to his side, "that drove me into--Yes, you are +right. I will go away home to-morrow, when Julian starts, and begin +from the very first day to read with all my might. Hitherto I have had +only the bitter lessons of Camford; let us see if I cannot gain some of +her honours too." + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY ONE. + +BRUCE IN TROUBLE. + + "Nuda nec arva placent, umbrasque negantia molles, + Nec dudum vetiti me laris augit amor." + Milton. + +Bruce, when expelled from Saint Werner's, thought very little of his +disgrace. It hardly ruffled the calm stream of his self-complacency, +and, for some reasons, he was rather glad that it had happened. He did +not like Camford; he had never taken to reading, and being thus debarred +from all intellectual pleasures, he had grown thoroughly tired of late +breakfasts, boating on the muddy Iscam, noisy wines, and interminable +whist parties. Moreover, he had made far less sensation at Camford than +he had expected. Somehow or other he had a dim consciousness that men +saw through him; that his cleverness did not conceal his superficiality, +nor his easy manners blind men's eyes to his ungenerous and selfish +heart. Even his late phase of popular scepticism was less successful at +Camford than it would have been at places of less steady diligence and +less sound acquirements. In fact, Bruce imagined that he was by no mean +appreciated. The sphere was too narrow for him; he was quite sure that +in the arena of London society and political life he was qualified to +play a far more conspicuous part. + +Nor did he believe that Sir Rollo Bruce would care for his expulsion any +more than he did himself; he fancied that his father was quite above the +middle-class prejudices of respect and reverence for pedantry and +pedagogues, and was too much a man of the world to be disturbed by a +slight contretemps like this. He wrote home a careless note to mention +the fact that his Saint Werner's career was ended, and attributed this +result to a mere escapade at a wine-party, which had been distorted by +rumour, and exaggerated by malice into a serious offence. + +So when Vyvyan gaily entered his father's house, he felt rather +light-hearted than otherwise. He expected that very likely some party +would be going on, and quite looked forward to an agreeable dance. When +he arrived, however, Vyvyan House was quite silent; a dim light came +from a single window, but that was all. + +"Sir Rollo and my mother not at home, I suppose," he said to the plushed +and powdered footman. + +"Yes, sir, they're in the library." + +He entered; they were sitting on opposite sides of the fire, with a +single lamp between them. They were not doing anything, and Lady Bruce +appeared to have been crying; but neither of them took any notice of his +entrance beyond turning their heads. + +"How do you do?" he said, advancing gracefully; but not a little +surprised at so silent and moody a greeting. + +"How do you do?" was his father's cold reply. + +"Dear me--I quite expected to find a party going on, but you seem quite +gloomy. Is anything the matter?" + +"Matter, sir!" exclaimed Sir Rollo, starting up vehemently from his +chair, and angrily pacing the room. "Matter! Upon my word, Vyvyan, +your impudence is sublime." + +"You surprise me. What have I done?" + +"Done!" retorted his father, with intense scorn. "You have been +expelled from College; you have wasted your whole opportunities of +education; you have thrown away the boundless sums which I have spent in +your interest; you have lived the life of a puppy and a fool, and now +you come back in the uttermost disgrace, with your name involved in I +know not what infamy, and are as cool about it as if you returned to +announce a triumph." + +Not deigning a word more, Sir Rollo turned indignantly on his heel and +left Bruce as much astounded by so unexpected a reception as if he had +suddenly trodden on a snake. He relapsed into uncommon sheepishness, +and hardly knew how to address his mother, who sat sobbing in her +armchair. + +"My dear mother," he said at last, "what can be the matter that I am met +by such tornados as my welcome on returning?" + +"Don't ask me, Vyvyan. Your father is naturally angry at your +expulsion, and you have grieved us both. But, dear Vyvyan, do not put +on such an impertinent and indifferent manner; it annoys Sir Rollo +exceedingly. Do submit yourself, my dear boy, and he will soon recover +his usual suavity." + +"But I never saw him like this before." + +"No; these violent fits of temper have only come over him of late, and I +am afraid that there must be some cause for them of which I am unaware." + +Bruce sat silent and unhappy. Expelled from college, and insulted, (as +he called it), at home, he felt truly alone and miserable. He went up +to his own room, supped there, and coming down next morning to the +awkward meeting with his parents, spoke a few words of regret about his +position. Sir Rollo barely listened to them, breakfasted in silence, +and immediately afterwards set out for his office. He did not return +till late in the evening, and continued for some time to spend the days +in this manner, seeing next to nothing of his wife and son, but sternly +forbidding any festivities or balls. + +One morning he called Vyvyan into his study before starting. Bruce laid +aside his novel, yawned, and followed. + +"Pray, sir, do you intend to spend _all_ your time in reading novels?" +said Sir Rollo. + +"There's nothing else for me to do that I see." + +"Very well. If you suppose that you are going to spend your days in +idleness, you are mistaken. I give you a week to choose some occupation +that will not involve me in further outlay." + +Bruce took out his embroidered pocket-handkerchief, redolent with scent, +and blew his nose affectedly. On doing so, an unopened envelope dropped +on the floor, out of his pocket; picking it up, he glanced at it, tore +it across, and flung it into the fire. Sir Rollo immediately picked up +the pieces with the tongs and opened it. + +"I see that this is a bill, and I shall proceed to look at it." + +"Yes, if you like," said Bruce, in an indifferent tone--"it's from a +dun." + +It was a tailor's bill which had been sent after him, and it amounted to +150 pounds. + +"And you suppose," said his father, "that I am going to pay these debts +for you?" + +"I suppose so, certainly--some day. Let the dogs wait." + +Sir Rollo seemed on the point of a great burst of wrath; his lips +positively quivered and his eye flashed with passion. He seemed, +however, to control himself,--darted at his son a look of wrath and +scorn, and left the room. A note that evening informed Lady Bruce that +business detained him from home, and that he might not return for some +days. + +A week after Bruce received a letter with foreign post-marks, to the +following effect:-- + + DEAR VYVYAN--By the time you receive this, I shall be on the + Continent, far beyond the reach of the law. + + "I have been living for the last ten years on the money I embezzled + from the company whose affairs I managed. The fraud cannot fail of + being detected almost immediately. + + "I feel acutely the position in which I am forced to leave your + mother. I do _not_ pity _you_ in the least. I gave you the amplest + opportunity to save yourself from this ruin, if you had not been a + fool. You cared for nothing and for nobody but yourself. You never + worked hard, though you knew it to be my wish; you assumed an air of + spurious independence, and affected the fine gentleman. Your conceit + and idleness will be their own punishment. You have made your own + bed; now you will have to lie in it. + + "ROLLO BRUCE." + +The truth was soon known to the world. Numberless executions were put +into Vyvyan House. Every available fragment of property was seized by +Sir Rollo's creditors; and as Lady Bruce's private fortune had long been +spent, she and her son were left all but penniless. The gay and gilded +friends of their summer hours were the first to desert them, and Sir +Rollo's wickedness had created such a gust of indignation, that few came +forward to lend his family the slightest assistance. + +When Bruce found himself in this most distressing position--when he sat +with his mother in shame and retirement in obscure lodgings, which had +been taken for them by one of their former servants, and with no +immediate means of livelihood--then first the folly of his past career +revealed itself to his mind in its full proportions. Lady Bruce's +health was dreadfully affected by the mental anguish through which she +had passed, and it became a positive necessity that Bruce should work +with his head or hands to earn their daily bread. + +He found no difficulty in procuring a temporary post in a lawyer's +office as a clerk. The drudgery was terrible. Daily, from nine in the +morning to six in the evening, he found himself chained to the desk, and +obliged to go through the dullest and most mechanical routine, the only +respite being half an hour in the middle of the day, which he spent in +dining at an eating-house. Nursed on the lap of luxury, habituated to +the choicest viands, and accustomed to find every whim fulfilled, this +kind of life was intolerable to him. The steaming recesses of a squalid +eating-house gave him a sensation of loathing and sickness, and the want +of exercise made him look haggard and wan. In vain he appealed to men +who had called themselves his father's friends; he found to his cost +that the son of a detected swindler has no friends, and more especially +if his own life have been tainted with suspicion or dishonour. Poor +Bruce was driven to the very verge of despair. + +He applied for a situation in a bank, but he was informed that it could +not be granted him unless he could obtain a certificate of good +character from his college, which, of course, was out of the question. +He tried writing for the press, but his shallow intellectual resources +soon ran dry. The pittance he could thus earn did not remunerate him +for the toil and wasted health, and even this pittance was too often +cruelly held back. He made applications in answer to all sorts of +advertisements, but one after another the replies were unfavourable, +until his whole heart died within him. No intelligence could be +obtained of his father's hiding-place, and before a year had elapsed +since Sir Rollo's bankruptcy and felony had been made known, Lady Bruce +died at her son's lodgings, worn out with misery and shame. + +This climax of the young man's misfortunes awoke at last the long +dormant sympathy in his favour. An effort was made by his few remaining +and unalienated friends to provide for him the means of emigration, +which seemed the only course likely to give him once more a fair start +in life. But to pay his passage, and provide him with the means of +settling in New Zealand required a considerable sum, and Bruce had to +suffer for weeks the agonies of hope deferred. And when he glanced over +his past life, he found nothing to help him. He could not look back +with any comfort; the past was haunted by the phantoms of regret. His +violent and wilful infancy, his proud, passionate boyhood, his wandering +and wicked youth, afforded him few green spots whereon the eye of +retrospect could rest with calm. As the wayworn traveller who on some +bright day sat down by the fringed bank of clear fountain or silver +lake, and while he leant to look into its waters, was suddenly dazzled +into madness by the flashing upwards upon him, from the unknown depths, +of some startling image; so Bruce, as he rested by the dusty wayside of +life, and gazed into the dark abysses of recollection, was startled and +horrified, with a more fearful nympholepsy, by the crowding images and +sullen glare of unforgotten and half-forgotten sins. + +But in dwelling on his past life, Bruce bethought him that he might +still find friends at school; and not long after his mother's funeral, +he determined to call on his old masters, and get such pecuniary aid as +he could from them and his schoolboy friends. To come to such a +resolution was the very bitterness of humiliation; but Bruce was now all +eagerness to escape from England, and recommence a new life in other +lands. + +He took a third class ticket to Harton, and when he arrived there, was +so overcome with shame that he well-nigh determined to return by the +next train, and leave the town unvisited, at whatever cost; but on +inquiry he found that the next train would not start for some hours, and +meanwhile he fully expected to be seen and recognised by those whom he +had known before. And yet it was not easy, in that stooping figure, +with the pale cheek and dimmed eye, to recognise the bright and +audacious Vyvyan Bruce, who had been captain of Harton barely three +years before. Poverty, ruin, disappointment, confinement, guilt, and +sorrow had done their work with marvellous quickness. + +Nerving himself to the effort, he turned his face towards Harton, and +walked slowly up the hill. The reminiscences which the walk recalled +were not happy--rather, far from happy. It was not because formerly +when he was a flattered, and rich, and handsome, and popular Harton boy, +all the prospects of his life had looked as bright as now they seemed +full of gloom; it was not that then both his parents were living, and +now one was dead, the other disgraced; it was not that then he was full +of health and vigour, and now was feeble and wearied; it was not that +then he seemed to have many friends, and now he hardly knew of one; no, +it was none of these things that affected him most deeply as he caught +sight of the well-known chapel, and strolled up the familiar hill; but +it was the thought, the bitter thought, the cursed thought that there, +as at Camford, _the voice of his brother's blood was crying against htm +from the ground_. + +By the time he reached the school buildings, it happened to be just one +o'clock, and from the various school-rooms, the boys were pouring out in +gay and noisy throngs. The faces were new to him for the most part, and +at first he began to fancy that he should recognise no one. But at last +he observed a boy looking hard at him, who at length came up and shook +him warmly by the hand. + +"How do you do, Bruce? Ah, I see you don't remember me; true, I was +only in the Shell when you left, but you ought at least to remember your +old fags." + +The change of countenance between fifteen and eighteen is however very +great, and it was not without an effort that Bruce recalled in the tall +strong fellow who was talking to him his quondam fag, little Walter +Thornley, now in his turn captain of the eleven, and Head of the school, +whose admiration of Bruce we have already recorded in the first chapter +of this eventful history. + +"Where are you off to now?" said Thornley. + +"To the Doctor's." + +"Well, you'll come and see me afterwards?" + +Bruce promised and then walked to see the Doctor, and his old tutor. To +both he opened his piteous tale, and both of them gave him the most +generous and liberal assistance; they promised also to procure him such +other aid as might lie in their power. A little lighter in heart, he +went to pay his visit to Thornley, whom he found occupying his old +rooms. As Bruce recrossed the familiar threshold, the contrasts of past +and present were almost too much for him, and he found it difficult to +restrain his tears. He stayed but a short time, and then returned to +London to his poor and lonely lodgings. + +Walter Thornley heard his story from the tutor, and besides getting a +large subscription for him among his own friends, wrote to ask if Julian +could procure for the emigrant any assistance in Camford. Julian +received the letter about the middle of the October term in his third +year, and it ran thus:-- + + "DEAR HOME--Beyond knowing by rumour that I am head of the school, you + will, I suppose, hardly remember a boy who was so low in the school as + I was when you were monitor. But though you will perhaps have + forgotten me, I have not forgotten you, or the many kinds acts I + experienced from you and Lillyston when I was a little new fellow. + Remembering these, I am emboldened to write, and ask if you or any of + the old Hartonians are willing to assist poor Bruce to settle in New + Zealand, now that he has no chance of succeeding well in England? I + am sure that _you_ personally will be glad of any opportunity to help + an old school-fellow in his distress and difficulty, for report tells + me that Julian Home is as kind-hearted and generous as he was when he + won the Newry scholarship at Harton.--Believe me to be, my dear Home, + yours very truly,--WALTER THORNLEY." + +Julian had almost forgotten the very existence of Thornley when this +letter recalled him to his mind; but it was one of the pleasures of +Julian's life constantly to receive letters of this kind from former +school-fellows, thanking him for past kindnesses of which he was wholly +unconscious from the simple and natural manner in which they had been +done. It need hardly be said that he at once complied with the request +which the letter contained, and that, (next to De Vayne's), his own was +the largest contribution towards the handsome sum which the Hartonians +and other Saint Werner's men cheerfully subscribed to assist their +former comrade in his hour of need. + +To avoid all unnecessary wounding of Bruce's feelings, the money thus +collected was transmitted to the Doctor to be placed at Bruce's +disposal. It completed the sum requisite for his outfit, and there was +no longer any obstacle in the way of his immediate departure from +England. He at once booked his passage by an emigrant ship, and sailed +from England. The day after his departure, Julian received from him the +following letter:-- + + "Dear Julian--Although you are one of those who would `do good by + stealth, and blush to find it fame,' I am not ignorant of the debt of + gratitude which I owe to you for providing me with the means of + recovering my fortunes, and beginning life afresh in another + hemisphere. + + "Our lots in life, since at Harton we ran a neck and neck race, have + been widely different, and while the happy months have been rolling + for _you_ on silver wheels, and the happy hours speeding by you with + white feet, to me Time has been:-- + + "`A maniac scattering dust, + And Life a Fury slinging flame.' + + "How much I have gone through in the last year--the accumulated agony + of remorse, bereavement, and ruin--no human soul can tell. No wonder + my bark was wrecked after such mad and careless navigation; but, thank + God, the blow of the tempest that staggered and shattered it, and + drove it on the reefs, has not sunk it utterly, and now, like a waif + or stray, it is being carried to be refitted across a thousand leagues + of sea. + + "I am not the Bruce you knew, but a wiser, sadder, and better man. I + have not yet lost all hope. The old book of my life was so smutched + and begrimed--torn, dogs-eared, and scrawled over--that it was + scarcely worth while to turn over a new leaf. I have rather began a + new volume altogether, and trust, by God's blessing, that when `Finis' + comes to be written in it, some few of the pages will bear re-perusal. + + "`De Vayne!' how that name haunts me; how full it is of horror--De + Vayne and Hazlet; and yet I hear that both have contributed to my + help. It gives me new life to know that human hearts can be so full + of forgiveness and of love. + + "Starting almost for another world--without fortune, without friends, + with nothing but head and heart, the wreck of what I was--I sometimes + feel so sad that I could wish myself out of the world altogether. + Forgive me, then, for once more bringing before you a name which you + can only connect with the most unpleasant and sombre thoughts, and + pray for me that my efforts, (this time they are genuine and sincere), + to improve my life, my talents, and my fortune, may be crowned with + success. + + "We sail in an hour or sooner, for I hear them weighing anchor now. + Good-bye. Accept my warmest thanks for all your kindnesses, and my + wishes, (ah! that they were worthier!) for your happiness in life, and + believe me, my dear Julian, your sincere and grateful friend-- + + "Vyvyan Bruce. + + "_P S_--I am positively alone; not one soul is here even to bid me + good-bye. Eheu! jam serus vitam ingemo relictam!" + +Julian read the letter many times; he was touched by its delicate and +eloquent sorrow--its fine and chastened thoughtfulness. He was no +longer in a mood to work, but closed his books, and watched the faces in +the fire. One thought filled him with joy and thankfulness; it was the +thought that, though of his friends and acquaintances so many had gone +wrong, yet God was leading them back again, by rough and thorny roads it +might be, but still by sure roads to the right path once more. Hazlet, +Bruce, Brogten--above all, his friend and brother Kennedy--were +returning to the fold they had deserted, were learning that for him who +has sinned and suffered, REPENTANCE IS THE WORK OF LIFE. And as these +thoughts floated through Julian's mind, the words of an old prayer came +back upon his lips--"That it may please Thee to strengthen such as do +stand; and to _comfort and help the weak-hearted, and to raise up them +that fall_; and finally, to beat down Satan under our feet." + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY TWO. + +A QUIET PROSPECT. + + "Patet omnibus veritas; nondum est prorsus occupata." + Seneca, Epistolae 33. + +Julian's third year at Camford was by no means the happiest period of +his life there, because the sad absence of Kennedy and De Vayne made a +gap in his circle of friends which could not easily be filled up; but +this was the _annus mirabilis_ of his university career. He gained +prize after prize; he was always first class in the college +examinations; he won the chancellor's medals for Latin and English +verse, and, indeed, almost divided with Owen the honours of the place. +To crown all, he gained the Ireford University scholarship, which Owen +had won the year before. + +Of all the men of his year, he was the most honoured and respected; he +wore the weight both of his honours and his learning "lightly like a +flower," and there was a graceful humility, joined with his +self-dependence, which won every heart, and prevented that jealousy +which sometimes accompanies success. + +The most important event in his intellectual progress was the attention +which he began to turn at this time to biblical and theological studies. +He was thankful in later years that he had deferred such inquiries to a +time when he was capacitated for them by a calm and sound judgment, and +a solid basis of linguistic and historical knowledge. He had always +looked forward to holy orders, and regarding the life of a clergyman as +his appointed work, he considered that an honest, a critical, and an +impartial study of the Bible was his first duty. In setting about it, +he came to it as a little child; all he sought for was the simple truth, +uncrushed by human traditions, unmingled with human dogmas, untrammelled +by human interpretations, unadulterated by human systems. He found that +he had a vast amount to unlearn, and saw clearly that if he fearlessly +pursued his inquiries they would lead him so far from the belief of +popular ignorance, as very probably to bar all worldly success in the +sacred profession which he had chosen. But he knew that the profession +_was_ sacred, and, fearless by nature, he determined to seek for truth +and truth only, honestly following the prayerful conclusions of his +clearest and most deliberate judgment. Even in these early days the +freedom and honesty of his research drew on him slight sibilations of +those whose religion was shallow and sectarian; in after years they were +destined to bring on him open and positive persecution. + +Not that Julian was ever in the least degree obtrusive in stating his +beliefs when they widely and materially differed from the expressed +opinions of the majority; except, indeed, in the cases when such +opinions appeared to him dishonest or dangerous. He was scrupulously +careful not to wound the conscience of those who would have been unable +to understand the ground of his arguments, even when they could not +resist their logical statement; and in whom long custom was so +inveterate that the weed of system could not be torn out of their hearts +without endangering the flower of belief. With men like Hazlet--I mean +the reformed and now sincere Hazlet--he either confined himself wholly +to subjects on which differences were impossible, or, if questioned, +stated his views with caution and consideration. It was only with the +noisy and violent upholders of long-grounded error--error which they +were too feeble to maintain except by mean invective or ignorant +declamation--that Julian used the keen edge of his sarcasm, or the +weighty sword of his moral indignation. He was not the man to bow down +before the fool's-cap of tyrannous and blatant ignorance. If he could +have chosen one utterance from the holy Scriptures, which to him was +more precious in its full meaning than another, it was that promise, +rich with inexhaustible blessing, "And ye shall know the truth, and the +truth shall make you free." + +Perhaps there is no greater want in this age than a full, fair, +_fearless_ religio clerici; the men who _could_ write it, dare not; and +the men who dare write it, cannot. They say the age is not ripe for it; +and if they mean that it would cause violent offence to the potent +rulers of fashionable religious dogmatism, they are right. But I wander +from my theme, and meddle with the subjects which this is not the place +to touch upon. + +The close of Julian's undergraduate life was as honourable as its +promise had been. He obtained a brilliant first class, and was +bracketed with Owen as the best classic of his year. Lillyston also +distinguished himself, and all three determined to read for Fellowships, +which, before a year was over, they had the honour to obtain. + +Meanwhile a circumstance had happened which changed the course of +Kennedy's intentions. After his conversation with Violet, he had often +thought of his plans for the future, and written to her about them. +Reconciled to the plan, of returning to Camford after the year of his +rustication, he was now trying to settle his future profession. His way +seemed by no means clear; he had never thought of being a clergyman, and +now, more than ever, deemed himself unfitted for such a life. The long +tedious delay of the bar to a man without any special interest; the +sickness of hope deferred during the prime years of life the weariness +of a distasteful study, and the heavy trial of dusky chambers in a city +to a man who loved the sea and the country with a passionate love, +deterred him from choosing the law. He had no liking for the army, +except in time of war; the life of the officers whom he knew was not +altogether to his mind, and he was neither inclined to gaiety nor fond +of an occupation which offered so many temptations to listlessness and +indolence. There was no immediate necessity to decide finally, because +in any case he meant to take his degree, and looked forward with some +hope, after his year of unswerving diligence in the retirement of Orton, +to honours in the Tripos and the pleasant aid of a Saint Werner's +Fellowship as the crown of his career. But on the whole, he began to +think that he might be both useful and successful as a physician. He +had a deep reverence for this earthly tabernacle of the immortal soul, +and a hallowed and reverend curiosity about that "harp of a thousand +strings," which, if it be untuned by sickness, mars every other melody +of life. Violet entered into all his views, and they determined to +leave the matter thus until Kennedy should have donned his B A gown. + +But about this period that public step was taken of throwing open to +competition the Indian civil service appointments, which has been of +such enormous advantage to the "middle-classes" of England by offering +to them, as the reward of industry, the opportunity of a new and +honourable profession, and which seems likely to be prolific of good +results to the future of our Empire in the East. Directly Kennedy saw +the announcement of the examination, he grasped with avidity the chance +of a provision for life which it afforded, and easily obtained the +assent both of his own and of Julian's family to offer himself as a +candidate. Of course they contemplated with sorrow the prospect of so +long a separation as the plan involved, but they saw that he himself was +strongly desirous to win their approval of his proposition, and of +course his wishes were Violet's too. + +So Kennedy went in for the civil service examination, and acquitted +himself so admirably that his name headed the list of successful +competitors, and he was told that he must prepare himself to leave +England in a year for the post to which they appointed him. + +This happened about the time that Julian took his degree, and before the +year was over Julian had been elected a Fellow, and the living of Elstan +was offered to him. Being of small value--200 pounds a year--it had +been rejected by all the Fellows of older standing, and had "come down" +to Julian, who, to the surprise of his friends, left Camford and +accepted it without hesitation. + +"My dear fellow," said Mr Admer, "how in the world can you be so insane +as to bury yourself alive, at the age of twenty-two, in so obscure a +place as the vicarage of Elstan?" + +"Oh, Elstan is a charming place," said Julian; "I visited it before +accepting it, and found it to be one of those dear little English +villages in the greenest fields of Wiltshire. The house is a very +pretty one, and the parish is in perfect order. My predecessor was an +excellent man: his population, of one thousand souls, were perhaps as +well attended to as any in all England." + +"Yes, yes," said Mr Admer, impatiently, "I know all that; but who will +ever hear of you again if you go and become what Sydney Smith calls `a +kind of holy vegetable' in the cabbage-gardens of a Wiltshire hamlet?" + +"Why, what would you have me do, Mr Admer?" + +"Oh, I don't know; stay up here, edit a Greek play, or one of the +epistles; bestir yourself for some rising university member in a +contested election; set yourself to get a bishopric or a deanery; you +could easily do it if you tried. I'll give you a receipt for it any day +you like. Or go to some London church; with such sermons as you could +preach you might have London at your heels in no time, and as you would +superadd learning to effectiveness, your fortune would be made." + +Julian was sorry to hear him talk like this; it was the language of a +disappointed and half-believing man. + +"I don't care for such aims," he said. "A _mere_ popular preacher I +would not be, and as for preferment it doesn't depend much on me, but +for the most part on purely accidental causes. All I care for at +present is to be useful and happy. Obscurity is no trial to me; neither +success nor failure can make me different from what I am." + +"Well then, at least, write a book or something to keep yourself in +men's memory." + +"I don't feel inclined. There are too many books in the world, and I +have nothing particular to say. Besides, the annoyance and spite to +which an author subjects himself are endless--to hear ignorant and often +malicious criticisms, to see his views misrepresented, his motives +calumniated, and his name aspersed. No, for the present, I prefer the +peace and the dignity of silence." + +"What on earth will you find to do, then, if you have no ambition?" + +"Nay, I don't want you to think that I'm so virtuous or so phlegmatic as +to have no ambition. I _have_ a passionate ambition, whether known or +unknown, so to live as to lead on the coming golden age, and prepare the +next generation to be truer and wiser than ours. If it be my destiny +never to be called to a wider sphere of work than Elstan, I shall be +content to do it there." + +"And how will you occupy your time?" asked Mr Admer, who had long loved +Julian too well even to smile at what were to himself mere +unintelligible enthusiasms. + +"Oh, no fear on that score. My profession will give me plenty of work; +besides, what is the use of education, if it be not to render it +_impossible_ for a man to know the meaning of the word ennui? Put me +alone in the waiting-room of some little wayside station to wait three +hours for a train, and I should still be perfectly happy, even if there +were no such thing as a book to be got for miles." + +"Well, well, if you must vanish to Elstan, do. At any rate, remember +your old Camford friends, and let us hear of you sometimes? I suppose +you'll keep on your Fellowship at least for a year?" + +"Insidious questioner!" said Julian; "no, I hope to be married very +soon. You shall come down and see love in a cottage." + +"Aha, I see it all now," said Mr Admer, with a sigh. + +"Nay, you mustn't sigh. I expect to be congratulated, not pitied," said +Julian, gaily. "A wife will sweeten all the cares and sorrows of life, +and instead of withering away my prime in selfish isolation, and +spending these still half-youthful years in loneliness, and without a +real home, I shall feel myself complete in the materials of happiness. +After all, ambition such as yours is a loveless bride." + +So Julian accepted Elstan, and Lillyston went with him to London to help +him in selecting furniture for the vicarage which was so soon to receive +a bride. + +"Are you really going to venture on matrimony with only 200 pounds a +year?" asked Lillyston. + +"I have some more of my own, you know, Hugh; Mr Carden's legacy, you +remember; but even if I hadn't, I would still marry even on a hundred a +year if I wished and the lady consented." + +"And repent at leisure." + +"Not a bit of it. If I were a man to whom lavender-coloured kid gloves +and unlimited eau-de-cologne were necessaries of life, it might be folly +to think of it. But if a man be brave, and manly, and fearless of +convention, let him marry by all means, and not make his life bitter and +his love cold by long delay." + +"But how about his children?" + +"Well, it may be fanaticism, but I believe that God never sends a soul +into the world without providing ample means for its sustenance. Of +course, such an assertion will set the tongues of our would-be +philosophers waggling in scornful cachinnation; but, in spite of that, I +do believe that if a man have faith, and a strong heart, and common +sense, he may depend upon it his children will not starve. Some of the +very happiest people I know are to be found among the large families of +country clergymen. Besides, very often the children succeed in life, +and improve their father's position. I haven't the shadow of a doubt +that I am doing the right thing. I only wish, Hugh, that you would +follow my example." + +"Perhaps I shall, some day," said Lillyston. + +"And meanwhile you will be my bridegroom's man, will you not?" + +"Joyfully--if it be only to see Miss Kennedy's face again." + +"And do you know that Kennedy is to be married to Violet the same day?" + +"Is he? happy fellow! As for me, I am going to resign my fellowship, +and to make myself useful at Lillyston Court. When is the wedding to +be?" + +"_Both_ weddings, you mean, Hugh. On the tenth of next June at +Orton-on-the-Sea--the loveliest spot in the world, I think." + +So in due time Julian packed up all his books and prizes, and bade +farewell to his friends, and turned his back on Camford. It is as +impossible to leave one's college without emotion as it is to enter it, +and the tears often started to Julian's eyes as the train whirled him +off to Elstan. He had cause, if any man ever had, to look back to +Camford with regret and love. His course had been singularly +successful, singularly happy. He had entered Saint Werner's as a sizar, +he left it as a Fellow, and not "With academic laurels unbestowed." + +He had grown in calmness, in strength, in wisdom; he had learnt many +practical lessons of life; he had gained new friends, without losing the +old. He had learnt to honour all men, and to be fearless for the truth. +His mind had become a well-managed instrument, which he could apply to +all purposes of discovery, research, and thought; he was wiser, better, +braver, nearer the light. In a word, he had learnt the great purpose of +life--sympathy and love to further man's interest--faith and prayer to +live ever for God's glory. And not a few of these lessons he owed to +his college, to its directing influence, its ennobling associations, its +studies--all bent towards that which is permanent and eternal, not to +the transitory and superficial. To the latest day of his life, the name +of Saint Werner's remained to Julian Home an incentive to all that is +noble and manly in human effort. He felt the same duty with regard to +it as the generous scion of an illustrious house feels towards the +ancient name which he has inherited, and the noble lineage whence he has +sprung. + +The few months which were to elapse before his marriage, Julian spent in +preparing the vicarage for his young betrothed, and he stored it with +everything which could delight a simple yet refined and educated taste. +There was an indefinable charm about it--the charm of home. You felt on +entering it that its owner destined it as the place around which his +fondest affections were to centre, and his work in life was to be done. +Julian had not the restless mind which sighs for continual change; happy +in himself and his own resources, and the honest endeavour to do good, +the glory of the green fields, the changes of the varying year supplied +him with a wealth of beauty which was sufficient for all his needs, and +when--after some long day's work amid the cottages, reading to the sick +at their lonely bedsides, listening to the prattle of the children in +the infant schools, talking to the labourers as they rested at their +work--he refreshed himself by a gallop across the free fresh downs, or a +quiet stroll under the rosy apple-blossoms of his orchard or garden, +Julian might have said with more truth than most men can, that he was a +happy and a contented man. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY THREE. + +FAREWELL. + + "Hear the mellow wedding bells, + Golden bells! + What a world of happiness their harmony foretells! + Oh, from out the sounding cells, + What a gush of euphony voluminously swells!" + Edgar Poe. + +Merrily, merrily, rang out the sweet bells of Orton-on-the-Sea; more +merrily than they ever rang before; so merrily that it seemed as if they +would concentrate into every single clash and clang of their joyous peal +a tumult of inexpressible happiness greater than they would ever be able +to enjoy again. If you look up at the belfry, you will see them swing +and dance in a very delirium of ecstasy, such as made everybody laugh +while he listened, and chased away the possibility of sorrow, and +thrilled the very atmosphere with an impression of hilarity and triumph. + +All Orton is a-stir. Mr Kennedy is the squire of the parish, and the +villagers may well love him as they do. The son and daughter of the +squire are not often married on the same day; and besides the double +wedding with its promise of an evening banquet, and dance on the hall +lawn to all the people of Orton, Eva and Edward are known well to every +cottager, and loved as well as known. + +The hall is quite full, and the village inn is quite full, and all the +neighbouring gentry who are invited, are hospitably entertaining such +members of the two families as can find room nowhere else. Never had +Orton seen such grand doings; the very stables and coach-houses are +insufficient to receive the multitude of carriages. + +Several Saint Wernerians are invited; and, (as both Julian and Kennedy +prefer to be alone on that morning), Lillyston, who has visited the +place before, is lionising them in the neighbourhood, and with Willie, +Kennedy's orphan cousin, rows them over to the little islet in the bay. +As they come back, the hour for the wedding approaches, and Lillyston +says to Owen--"How I wish De Vayne were here!" + +"But he is in Florence, is he not?" says Owen. + +They have hardly spoken when a carriage with a coronet on the panels +dashes up to the Lion Inn; a young man alights, hands out a lady, and +enters the inn. + +"Surely that must be De Vayne himself," says Suton running forward. +Meanwhile the young man, after taking the lady into a private room, asks +if he may see Mr Home or Mr Kennedy, and is showed up to the parlour +in which they are sitting. + +"De Vayne!" they both exclaim in surprise. + +"Yes, Julian!" he answered cheerily; "I only returned from Florence two +days ago, heard of your marriage from the Ildown people, and determined +to come with my mother a self-invited guest." + +"Don't fear for my feelings," he continued, turning to Kennedy. +"Nothing is so useless or dangerous as to nurse a hopeless love, like +the flame burning in the hearts of the banqueters, at the feast of +Eblis. No, Kennedy, I love Violet, but only as a sister now, and you +must not be afraid if I claim one kiss after the marriage from the +bride. You shall have the same privilege some day soon." + +"Your coming is the completion of my happiness," said Kennedy, cordially +shaking his hand. "I will run and tell Violet at once, lest she should +be alarmed by seeing you." + +"Yes, and to show her why we may continue to have communion as friends, +tell her that there is a gentle Florentine girl, with dark eyes, and +dark hair, and a sweet voice, who, as my mother will bear witness, has +promised in a year's time to leave her Casa d'oro for Other Hall," he +said smiling. + +They took him down to see the others, who rejoiced to see him nearly as +much as they did, and the time sped on for the wedding to be performed. +The carriages had already started to convey the bridegrooms and their +friends to church, when another carriage drove rapidly along the street, +carrying another most unexpected guest. + +It had been arranged that Cyril and Frank should come down to Orton on +the morning of the ceremony, as there was a difficulty in finding room +for them. It was very late, and they were beginning to be afraid that +the boys had missed a train, and would not arrive till after the +ceremony, when they made their triumphant entry into Orton in a carriage +by the side of--Lady Vinsear! + +Only imagine! Being left almost alone at Ildown while the others had +gone to Orton to make arrangements for the marriage, Cyril had +audaciously proposed to his brother that, as it was through them that +Lady Vinsear's wrath had been kindled against Julian, they should go +over and see whether the old lady would admit them into her presence or +in any way suffer herself to be pacified. The proposal was quite a +sudden one, and the thought had only come into Cyril's head because he +had nothing else to do. But he had no sooner thought of it than he +determined to carry it out. He felt certain that Lady Vinsear could not +be so totally unlike his late father as to have become wholly +ill-natured and implacable, and he was sure that no harm could result +from his visit even if no good were done. + +So the boys drove over in a pony-chaise to Lonstead Abbey, and knocking +at the door, asked if Lady Vinsear was at home. + +"Yes," said the old servant, opening his eyes in astonishment at the +apparition of the two boys, whom he had only seen as children four years +before. + +"Then, ask if she will see Mr Cyril and Master Frank Home. Stop, +though; is Miss Sprong at home?" + +"Oh, no, Master Cyril; bless you, Miss Sprong, sir, has gone and married +Farmer Jones this year gone." + +"Has she indeed? Oh, then, take my message, please, James." + +They had come at the right moment. In the large drawing-room of +Lonstead Abbey, Lady Vinsear was sitting with no companion but the +orphan girl of a villager, to whom she gave a home, and who was amusing +herself with a picture-book on a low stool by the fire; for though it +was summer, the fire was lighted to give cheerfulness to the room. When +Miss Sprong married a neighbouring farmer, Lady Vinsear had given her a +handsome dowry, and refused ever to see her again, being in fact +heartily tired of her malice and sycophancy, and above all, resenting +the new breach which she had caused between herself and her brother's +family. Ever since her quarrel with Julian, Lady Vinsear had bitterly +regretted the violence which had cut off from her that natural affection +to which she had looked as the stay of her declining years. She had +grown sadder as she grew older, and the loneliness of her life weighed +heavily on her heart, yet in her obstinate pride she made an unutterable +resolve never to take the initiative in restoring Julian to her favour. + +And as she sat there by the fire, longing in her secret soul for the +society and love of some young hearts of her own kith and kin, she +glanced away from the uninteresting little girl whom she had taken as a +protegee to the likeness of Julian's bright and thoughtful boyish +features, (which still, in spite of Miss Sprong, had retained a place +over the mantel-piece), and remembered the foolish little incident which +had led to her rejection of him as her heir. The tears started to her +eyes as she thought of it, and wished with all her heart that the two +gay and merry boys whose frolic had caused the _fracas_ were with her +once more. How much she should now enjoy the pleasant sound of their +young voices, and how gladly she would join in their unrestrained and +innocent laughter. + +So when the bewildered James asked in his never-varying voice, "whether +Master Cyril and Frank Home might see her," Lady Vinsear fancied that +she was seeing in a dream the fulfilment of her unexpressed wishes, and +rubbed her eyes to see if she could really be wide awake. + +"What's all this, James?--are you James, or am I in a dream?" + +"James, your ladyship." + +"And do you really mean to tell me that my nephews are outside?" + +"Yes, please your ladyship." + +"Well, then, don't keep them there a minute longer, James. Run along, +Annie," she said to the little girl, "it is time for you to be in bed." + +Annie had hardly retired, when--a little shyly--the boys entered, +uncertain of their reception. But Lady Vinsear started from her seat, +and embraced them with the utmost affection. + +"My dear Cyril," she said, kissing him again; "how tall and handsome you +have grown; and Frankie, too, you are the image of Julian when he was +your age." + +The boys were amazed at the heartiness with which she welcomed them, as +though nothing had happened, and after she had given them a capital +supper, she said to them, "Now, boys, I see you are rather puzzled at +me. Never mind that; don't think of what has happened. We mean all to +be friends now. And now tell me all about Julian." + +They found, however, that Lady Vinsear knew a good deal about his +college career from her neighbour Lord De Vayne, who had kept her +acquainted with all his successes and honours up to the period when De +Vayne left Other Hall. Since then she had not been able to gain much +information about him, and had not heard the news either of his +fellowship, his approaching marriage, or his acceptance of a college +living. + +She listened eagerly to the intelligence, and finally asked if he knew +of their visit. + +"No," said Cyril, laughing; "neither he nor any of them. Now, Aunt +Vinsear, you really must do me a favour. You know Vi is to be married +at Orton on the same day as Julian; won't you come with us to the +wedding, and surprise them all? If you were to start by an early train, +and take the carriage with you, we should drive up in time for the +ceremony, and it would be such a happy joke for all concerned." + +The old lady was delighted with the plan. Meeting on such an occasion, +when the minds of all were so much occupied, would avert the necessity +of anything approaching to a scene, which of all things she most +dreaded. She felt a flood of new interests, occupations, and hopes; she +made the boys stay with her until the appointed day, and looked forward +to Cyril's triumph with a delight which made her happier than she had +been for many a long year. + +And thus it was that Cyril and Frank drove into the town in gallant +style, accompanied by Lady Vinsear! They stopped at the door of the +Lion, and hearing that Julian had started, got white favours placed at +the horses' heads, and dashed on to the church. The brides had not +arrived, but they were expected every moment; and Mr Vere, (who had +most kindly come to perform the ceremony), was putting on his surplice +in the vestry, while Julian and Kennedy, with Owen, Lillyston, and De +Vayne, were strolling up and down a pretty, retired laurel walk behind +the church. Hearing where they were, the boys, accompanied by their +aunt, boldly invaded their privacy, and reached the end of the walk just +as the gentlemen were approaching to enter the church. + +"Good gracious! Lady Vinsear!" said De Vayne. + +"Hush, hush!" she said. "Come here, Julian, and kiss your old aunt, and +welcome her on your wedding-day, and don't think of bygones. I am proud +to see you, my boy;" and he felt a tear on his cheek as the old lady +drew down his head to kiss him. + +"And now," she said, "don't tell any of the rest that I have come till +after the marriage. I hear the sound of wheels. Put me in some pew +near the altar, Julian, that I may have a good long look at your bride, +and Violet's bridegroom." + +They had just time to fulfil her wish when the carriages drove up, and +the bridal procession formed, and, followed by their bride's-maids, +Violet and Eva passed up the aisle, in all their loveliness, with +wreaths of myrtle and orange-flower round their fair foreheads, and +long, graceful veils, and simple ornaments of pearl. + +Beautiful to see! A bride always looks beautiful, but these two were +radiant and exquisite in their loveliness. Which was the fairest? I +cannot tell. Most men would have given the golden apple to Eva, with +the sweet, tender grace that played about her young features, almost +infantile in their delicacy, and with those bright, beaming, +laughter-loving eyes, of which the light could not be hid though she +bent her face downwards to hide the bridal blush that tinged it; but yet +they would have doubted about the decision when they turned from her to +the full flower of Violet's beauty, and gazed on her perfect face, so +enchanting in its meekness, and on that one tress of golden hair that +played upon her neck. + +De Vayne, as he looked on the perfect scene, took out a piece of paper, +and wrote on it Spenser's lines:-- + + "Behold, while she before the altar stands, + Hearing the holy priest that to her speaks + And blesses her with his two happy hands, + How the red roses flush up in her cheeks + And the pure snow with golden vermeil stain, + Like crimson dyed in grain." + +He handed the lines to Lillyston and Owen, and they saw from the happy +smile upon his face that no touch of regret or envy marred his present +meditations. + +Has life any pleasure--any deep, unspoken happiness--comparable to that +which fills a young's man whole soul when he stands beside the altar +with such a bride as Violet or Eva was?--when he thinks that the fair, +blushing girl, whose white hand trembles in his own, is to be the star +of his home, the mother of his children, the sunbeam shining steadily on +all his life? Verily he who hath experienced such a joy has found a +jewel richer: + + "Than twenty seas though all their sands were pearl, + Their waters crystal, and their rocks pure gold." + +The service was over, and in those few moments, four young souls had +passed over the marble threshold of married life. Violet felt that the +presence of De Vayne removed the only alloy to that deep happiness that +spoke in the eloquent lustre of her eye, and she told him so as he bent +to kiss her hand, and as Lady De Vayne clasped her to her heart with an +affectionate embrace. All the people of the village awaited them at the +porch, and as they passed along the path, the village children, lining +the way, and standing heedless on the green mounds that covered the +crumbling relics of mortality, scattered under their happy feet a +thousand flowers. One passing thought, perhaps, about the lesson which +those green mounds told, flitted through the minds of the bridal party +as they left the trodden blossoms to wither on the churchyard path, but +if so, it was but as the shadow of a summer cloud, and it vanished, as +with a sudden clash the bells rang out again, thrilling the tremulous +air with their enthusiasm of happy auguries, and the sailor boys of +Orton gave cheer on cheer while brides and bridegrooms entered their +carriages, and drove from under the umbrage of the churchyard yews to +the elms and oaks and lime-tree avenues of the hall. + +Oh that happy day! The wedding breakfast had been laid in a large tent +on the lawn, whence you could catch bright glimpses of the blue sea, and +the islet, and the passing ships, while on all sides around it the +garden glowed a paradise of blossom, and the fragrance of sweet flowers +floated to them through the golden air. Rich fruits and gorgeous +bouquets covered the table, and the whole tent was gay with wreaths and +anadems. And then, what ringing laughter, what merry jests, what +earnest happy talk! Let us not linger there too long, and from this +scene I bid avaunt to the coarse cynical reader; who is too +strong-minded to believe in love. + +Only let the _gentle_ reader fancy for himself how beautiful were the +few words with which Mr Vere proposed the health of the brides, and how +long they remembered his earnest wish, that though the truest love is +often that which has been sanctified by sorrow, yet that they might be +spared the sorrow, and enjoy the truest love. And he will fancy how +admirably Julian and Kennedy replied--Julian in words of poetic feeling +and thoughtful power, Kennedy with quick flashes of picturesque +expression, both with the eloquence of sincere and deep emotion; and how +gracefully De Vayne proposed the health of the bridesmaids, for whom +Cyril and Lillyston replied. Then, too quickly, came the hour of +separation; the old shoe was flung after the carriages, the bridal +couples departed for a tour among the lakes, and the villagers danced +and feasted till twilight on the lawn. + +Six weeks are over since the marriage day, and there, in Southampton +harbour, lies the _Valleyfield_, which is to convey Kennedy and Violet +to Calcutta. They have just spoken the last, long, lingering farewell +to Eva and Julian, who are standing in deep tearful silence on the pier, +and are watching the little boat which is conveying their only brother +and only sister to the ship. The boat is but a few moments in reaching +the _Valleyfield_, and, when they are on board, the vessel weighs +anchor, and ruffles her white plumage, and flings her pennons to the +breeze, and begins to dash the blue water into foam about her prow. +Violet and her husband are standing at the stern, and as long as the +vessel is in sight they wave their hands in token of farewell. It is +but a short time, and then the _Valleyfield_ grows into a mere dot on +the horizon, and Eva and Julian, heedless of the crowds around them, do +not check the tears as they flow, and speak to each other in voices +broken by sorrow as they slowly turn away. + +That evening Violet and Kennedy knelt side by side in their little cabin +to join in common prayer, and Julian led his Eva over the threshold of +their quiet and holy home. + +And their path thenceforth was "as the shining light, shining more and +more to the perfect day." + +THE END. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Julian Home, by Dean Frederic W. 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