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diff --git a/23124.txt b/23124.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0b63581 --- /dev/null +++ b/23124.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9184 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Lady of the Basement Flat, by +Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Lady of the Basement Flat + +Author: Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey + +Illustrator: Elizabeth Earnshaw + +Release Date: October 20, 2007 [EBook #23124] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LADY OF THE BASEMENT FLAT *** + + + + +Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England + + + + +The Lady of the Basement Flat, by Mrs George de Horne Vaizey. + +________________________________________________________________________ +The scene opens with the marriage of one of a pair of sisters, and her +departure for North America. The other sister is left feeling very much +at a loss, but she hits on the idea of renting a small London flat in a +poor area, making herself look like a very elderly woman, and finding +acts of kindness to do for her neighbours. She takes the name of Miss +Harding. + +However the married sister's marriage founders, and she comes back to +England. Both the sisters rent a nice place in the country and spend a +lot of effort in decorating it. So Miss Harding has occasional spells +of living as her original young self with her sister, before returning +to her basement flat. As usual with this author, with her fascination +with illness, a child of one of the neighbours, Billie, becomes very ill +and needs roound-the-clock nursing. Miss Harding plays a big part in +this. But one day a chance remark by another of the tenants in the +block of flats makes it clear that the reason why the married sister's +marriage had foundered was no more than a misunderstanding. So Miss +Harding is able to fix her sister's problems, and Miss Harding herself +finds a husband, in her true and original identity, and so ends her +parallel existence as Miss Harding. + +________________________________________________________________________ + +THE LADY OF THE BASEMENT FLAT, BY MRS GEORGE DE HORNE VAIZEY. + + + +CHAPTER ONE. + +WHY NOT? + +At three o'clock this afternoon Evelyn Wastneys died. I am Evelyn +Wastneys, and I died, standing at the door of an old country home in +Ireland, with my hands full of ridiculous little silver shoes and +horseshoes, and a Paris hat on my head, and a trembling treble voice +whispering in my ear:-- + +"Good-bye, Evelyn darling--darling! Thank you--thank you for all you +have been to me! Oh, Evelyn, _promise_ you will not be unhappy!" + +Then some mysterious hidden muscle, whose existence I had never before +suspected, pulled two little strings at the corners of my mouth, and my +lips smiled--a marionette smile--and a marionette voice cried +jauntily:-- + +"Unhappy? Never! Why, I am free! I am going to begin to live." + +Then I watched a tall bridegroom in tweeds tenderly help a little bride +in mole-coloured taffeta and sable furs into the waiting car, the horn +blew, the engines whirled, a big hand and a little one flourished +handkerchiefs out of the window, a white satin shoe danced ridiculously +after the wheels, and Aunt Emmeline cried sensibly:-- + +"That's over, thank goodness! The wind _is_ sharp! Let's have tea!" + +She hurried into the house to give orders, and the old Evelyn Wastneys +stood staring after the car, as it sped down the drive, passed through +the lodge gates, and spun out into the high road. She had the +strangest, most curious feeling that it was only the ghost of herself +who stood there--a ghost in a Paris hat and gown, with long suede gloves +wrinkled up her arms, and a pendant of mingled initials sparkling on her +lace waistcoat. The real, true Evelyn--a little, naked, shivering +creature--was skurrying after that car, bleating piteously to be taken +in. + +But the car rolled on quicker and quicker, its occupants too much taken +up with themselves to have time to waste on dull other people. In +another minute it was out of sight, but the ghost did not come back. +The new Evelyn lingered upon the steps, waiting for it to return. There +was such a blank, empty ache in the place where her heart used to be. +It seemed impossible that that skurrying little ghost would not come +back, nestle again in its own place, and warm up the empty void. But it +never came back. The new Evelyn turned and walked into the house. + +"Well, it has all gone off very well! Kathleen looked quite nice, +though I always do say that a real lace veil is less becoming than +tulle. There was a rose and thistle pattern right across her nose, and +personally I think those sheaves of lilies are too large. I hope she'll +be happy, I am sure! Mr Anderson seems a nice man; but one never +knows. It's always a risk going abroad. A young Canadian proposed to +me as a girl. I said to him, `Do you think you could be nice enough to +make up to me for home, and country, and relations and friends, and +associations and customs, and everything I have valued all my life?' He +said it was a matter of opinion. What did _I_ think? I said it was +ridiculous nonsense. _No_ man was nice enough! So he married Rosa +Bates, and I hear their second boy is a hunchback. You are eating +nothing, my dear. Take a scone. Let's hope it's all for the best!" + +"Best or worst, it's done now," I said gloomily. Basil Anderson was +certainly "nice," and, unlike Aunt Emmeline, my sister Kathleen +entertained no doubt that he could fill every gap--home, country, +friends, a selection of elderly aunts, and even that only sister who had +so far acted as buffer between herself and the storms of life. At this +very moment the mole-coloured toque was probably reclining comfortably +on the tweed shoulder, and a smile was replacing tears as a big booming +voice cried comfortably:-- + +"Evelyn! Oh, _she'll_ be all right! Don't worry about Evelyn, honey. +Think of _me_!" + +Following the line of the least resistance, I took the scone and chewed +it vacantly. Figuratively speaking, it tasted of dust and ashes; +literally, it tasted of nothing at all, and the tea was just a hot fluid +which had to be swallowed at intervals, as medicine is swallowed of +necessity. + +Aunt Emmeline helped herself systematically from each of the plates in +turn, working steadily through courses of bread and butter, sandwiches, +scone, _petits fours_, and wedding cake. She was a scraggy woman, with +the appetite of a giant. Kathie and I used to wonder where the food +went! Probably to her tongue! + +"Of course," said Aunt Emmeline, continuing her thoughts aloud, as was +her disconcerting habit, "Kathleen has money, and that gives a wife a +whip hand. I begged her only yesterday to stand up for herself. Those +little fair women are so apt to be bullied. I knew a case. Well, mind, +we'll hope it mayn't come to _that_! If she is sensible and doesn't +expect too much, things may work out all right. Especially for the +first years. If anything _does_ go wrong, it will be your fault, +Evelyn, for spoiling her as you have done." + +"Thanks very much for the cheering thought," I said snappily. Aunt +Emmeline helped herself to a sandwich, and blinked with exasperating +forbearance. + +"Not cheerful, perhaps, but it may be _useful_! If you'd taken my +advice. It's never too late to mend, Evelyn." + +"Even at twenty-six?" + +Aunt Emmeline surveyed me critically. She was taking stock, and +considering just how young, how old, how fresh, how damaged those +lengthy years had left my physical charms. I looked in a long glass +opposite, and took stock at the same time. A smart young woman--oh, +very smart indeed, for as Kathie had argued, if you can't "blow" expense +for your only sister's wedding, when on earth are you going to do it? +Light brown hair, "still untouched by grey," hazel eyes with very long, +very finely marked eyebrows (secretly they are the joy of my life!) good +features, and a sulky expression. The old Evelyn used to be very +good-looking--(she's dead now, so I can say so, as much as I like)--this +new one is good-looking too, in a disagreeable, unattractive kind of +way. If you saw her dining at the next table in an hotel you would say, +"Rather a fine-looking girl!" And the man with you would reply, "Think +so! Too much of a temper for my fancy. Glad she don't belong to me." +I realised as much as I looked in the glass, and that made me crosser +than ever. If I had been alone, able to cry, or storm, or grizzle, or +go to bed just as I liked, I could have borne it better; but fancy +losing your home, and your occupation, and the only person in all the +world you really loved, all in one day, and coming straight from the +wreck to have tea with Aunt Emmeline! + +The sandwich was finished before the inspection. A piece of scone +followed. + +"Of course," said Aunt Emmeline, "you are _not_ in your first bloom. +_That_ we can't expect. Your colour is a little harder and more fixed" +(the figure in the glass gave a spasmodic jerk. The sulky expression +was pierced by a gleam of fear. "_Fixed_!" Good gracious! She might +be talking of those old people who have little red lines over their +cheek-bones in the place of "bloom". It's _ridiculous_ to say I am +"fixed". It is a matter of indifference to me how I look, but I do +insist on truth!) "and your air of pride and independence is unbecoming +in an unmarried girl. Men like to see a girl sweet, clinging, pliant." + +"What men?" + +"_All_ men!" + +"Oh! And in my case, for instance, to whom would you suggest I should +proceed to cling?" + +"That," said Aunt Emmeline briskly, "is precisely what I wish to +discuss." She lifted the last morsel of scone from the plate, stared at +it, and popped it into her mouth. "My dear, has it ever occurred to you +to think what you are going to _do_?" + +"Aunt Emmeline, for the last months it has rarely occurred to me to +think of anything else!" + +"Very well then, that's all to the good. As I said to Aunt Eliza, let +us leave her alone till Kathleen has gone. Evelyn is obstinate, and if +you interfere she will only grow more pig-headed. Let her find things +out for herself. Experience, Eliza, will do more than either you or I. +Sooner or later, even Evelyn must realise that you can't run a house, +and garden, and stable, in the same way on half the ordinary income. +Now that Kathleen is married, she naturally takes with her her own +fortune." + +She looked at me expectantly, and I smiled, another stiff, marionette +smile--and said:-- + +"How true! Curiously enough, that fact has already penetrated to my +dull brain!" + +"Now I do hope and pray, Evelyn, that you are not going to argue with +me," cried Aunt Emmeline, with a sudden access of energy which was +positively startling. "It's ridiculous saying that because there is +only one mistress instead of two, expense will therefore be halved. I +have kept house for thirty-three years, and have never once allowed an +order at the door, so I may be supposed to know. Nonsense! The rent is +the same, I suppose, and the rates, and the taxes. You must sit down to +a decent meal even if you are alone, and it takes the same fire to cook +four potatoes as eight. Your garden must be kept going, and if you do +away with one horse, you still require a groom, I suppose, to look after +the rest. Don't talk to me of economising; you'd be up to your neck in +debt before a year was over--if you weren't in a lunatic asylum with +nervous depression, living alone in that hole-in-a-corner old house, +with not a soul but servants to speak to from morning till night. You +have a nervous temperament, Evelyn. You may not realise it, but I +remember as a child how you used to fidget and dash about. Dear Kathie +sat still and sucked her thumb. I said at the time, `Evelyn is +better-looking, but mark my words, Kathie will be married first!' And +you see! It's because I love you, my dear, and you are my dear sister's +child that I warn you to beware of living alone in that house!" + +"Thank you so much," I said nastily. (When people presage a remark by +saying that they only say it because they love you, you may lay long +odds that it's going to be disagreeable!) "It certainly sounds a +gruesome prospect. Not even a choice between bankruptcy and mania, but +a certainty of _both_! And within a year, too! Such a short run for +one's money! Aunt Eliza had some suggestion to make, then? And you +evidently approved. Would you mind telling me exactly what it was?" + +"That is what I am trying to do, but you _will_ interrupt. Naturally, +your home is with us, your mother's sisters. You shall have the blue +room over the porch. If you wish it, we are willing that you should +bring your own pictures. The silver and valuables you can send to the +bank, and the furniture can be sold. You shall pay us five guineas a +week, and we will keep your horse, and house old Bridget if you don't +want to part from her. She can attend to your room, and sleep in the +third attic. There would be no extras except washing, and a fire in +your room. You know how we live; every comfort, but no excess. I +disapprove of excess. Eliza and I have often regretted that you and +Kathie have such extravagant ways. Early tea, as if you were old women, +and bare shoulders for dinner. You may laugh, my dear, but it's no +laughing matter. One thing leads to another. You can't wear an evening +dress and sit down to a chop. Soup and fish and an _entree_ before you +know where you are. We have high tea. You would save money on evening +gowns alone. A dressy blouse is all that is required." + +Aunt Emmeline paused to draw breath, twitched, jerked, and resolutely +braced herself to say a difficult thing. + +"And--and we shall welcome you, my dear! We shall be p-pleased to have +you!" + +Through all her protestation of welcome, through all her effort at +warmth, the plain, unflattering truth forced its way out. To entertain +a young independent niece beneath their roof might seem to the two aunts +a duty, but, most certainly, most obviously, it would _not_ be a +pleasure! I was quite convinced that for myself it would be a fiery +trial to accept the offer; but it was a shock to realise that the aunts +felt the same! + +I reviewed the situation from the two points of view, the while Aunt +Emmeline feverishly hacked at the hard sugar coating of the cake. For a +young, comparatively young woman, to go from the liberty of her own +home to share the stuffy, conventional, dull, proper, +do-nothing-but-fuss-and-talk-for-ever-about-nothing life of two old +ladies in a country town would obviously be a change for the worse; but +for the aforesaid old ladies to have their trivial life enriched by the +advent of a young, attractive, and (when she is in a good temper!) +lively and amusing niece, this should surely be a joy and a gain! But +it _wasn't_ a joy. The poor old dears were shuddering at the thought +that their peaceful routine might be spoiled. They didn't _want_ "a +bright young influence!" They wanted to be free to do as they liked-- +sup luxuriously on cocoa and an _egg_, turn up black cashmere skirts +over wadded petticoats, and doze before the fire, discuss the servants' +failings by the hour, drink glasses of hot water, and go to bed at ten +o'clock.--As she hacked at the sugar crust, the corners of Aunt +Emmeline's lips turned more and more downward. My silence had been +taken for consent, and in the recesses of her heart she was saying to +herself, "Farewell! a long farewell to all our frowstings!" I felt +sorry for the poor old soul, and hastened to put her out of her misery. + +"It's very good of you, Aunt Emmeline. And Aunt Eliza. Thank you +_very_ much, but I have quite decided to have a home of my own, even +though I can't afford to keep on The Clough. I am going to live in +London." + +Just for one second, uncontrollable relief and joy gleamed from the +watching eyes, then the mask fell, and she valiantly tried to look +distressed. + +"Ah, Evelyn! Obstinate again! Setting yourself up to know better than +your elders. There'll be a bitter awakening for you some day, my dear, +and when it comes you will be glad enough of your old aunties' help. +Well! the door will never be closed against you. However hard and +ungrateful you may be, we shall remember our duty to our sister's child. +Whenever you choose to return--" + +"I shall see the candle burning in the casement window!" + +She looked so pained, so shocked, that if I had had any heart left I +should have put my arms round her neck, and begged her pardon with a +kiss; but I had no heart, only something cold, and hard, and tight, +which made it impossible to be loving or kind, so I said hastily:-- + +"I shall certainly want to pay you a visit some day. It is very kind of +you to promise to have me. After living in London, Ferbay will seem +quite a haven of rest." + +Aunt Emmeline accepted the olive branch with a sniff. + +"But why London?" she inquired. + +"Why not?" I replied. It was the only answer it seemed possible to +make! + + + +CHAPTER TWO. + +AUNT ELIZA SPEAKS. + +It is two days after the wedding. Kathie has been Mrs Basil Anderson +for forty-eight hours, and no doubt looks back upon her spinster +existence as a vague, unsatisfactory dream. She is reclining on a +deck-chair on board the great ship which is bearing her to her new home, +and her devoted husband is hovering by her side. I can just imagine how +she looks, in her white blanket coat, and the blue hood--_just_ the +right shade to go with her eyes--an artful little curl, which has taken +her quite three minutes to arrange, falling over one temple, and her +spandy little shoes stretched out at full length. I know those shoes! +By special request I rubbed the soles on the gravel paths, so that they +might not look _too_ newly married. Quite certainly Kathie will be +throwing an occasional thought to the girl she left behind her, a "poor +old Evelyn!" with a dim, pitiful little ache at the thought of my barren +lot. Quite certainly, too, for one moment when she remembers, there +will be twenty when she forgets. Quite right, of course! Quite +natural, and wife-like, and just as it should be, and only a selfish, +ungenerous wretch could wish it to be otherwise. All the same-- + +I wrenched myself out of the aunts' clutches yesterday morning on the +plea of going home to tidy up. Though the wedding took place from their +house, all the preparatory muddle happened here, and it will take days +and days to go through Kathie's rooms alone, and decide what to keep, +what to give away, and what to burn outright. + +The drawers were littered with pretty rubbish--oddments of ribbon, old +gloves, crumpled flowers, and the like. It goes against the principles +of any right-minded female to give away tawdry fineries, and yet--and +yet--_Could_ I bear to destroy them? To see those little white gloves +shrivel up in the flames, the high heeled little slippers crumple and +split? It would seem like making a bonfire of Kathie herself. + +I tidied, and arranged, and packed into fresh parcels, working at fever +heat with my hands, while all the time the voice in my brain kept +repeating, "Now, Evelyn, what are you going to do? What are you going +to do, my dear, with your blank new life?" + +To leave the old home and start afresh--that is as far as I have got so +far--but I must make up my mind, and quickly too, for this house is too +full of memories to be a healthy shelter. Kathie and I have lived here +ever since we left school, first with father, then after his death with +an old governess-companion. Since her marriage a year ago we have been +alone, luxuriating in our freedom, and soothing the protestations of +aunts by constant promises to look out for a successor. Then Kathie met +Basil Anderson, and no one was cruel enough to grudge us our last months +together. + +Now I am alone, with no one in the world to consider beside myself, with +my own home to make, my own work to find, my own happiness to discover. +Does it make it better or worse, I wonder, that I am rich, and the +question of money does not enter in? Ninety-nine people out of a +hundred would answer at once that it is better, but I'm not so sure. If +I had a tiny income, just enough to ensure me from absolute want, hard +regular work would be necessary, and might be good for body and brain. +I _want_ work! I must have it if I am to keep going, but the mischief +is, I have never been taught to be useful, and I have no idea what I +could do! I can drive a car. I can ride anything that goes on four +legs. I can dance, and skate, and arrange flowers with taste. I can +re-trim a hat, and at a pinch make a whole blouse. I can order a nice +meal, and grumble when it is spoiled. I can strum on the piano and +paint Christmas cards. I can entertain a house-party of big-wigs. + +I have also (it seems a queer thing to say!) a kind of genius for +simply--being kind! The poor people in the village call me "the kind +one," to distinguish me from Kathie, who, poor lamb! never did an unkind +thing in her life. But she didn't always _understand_, that was the +difference. When they did wrong she was shocked and estranged, while I +felt dreadfully, dreadfully sorry, and more anxious than ever to help +them again. Kathie used to think me too mild, but I don't know! The +consequences of sin are so terrible in themselves, that I always long to +throw in a lot of help with the blame. The people about here seem to +know this by instinct, for they come to me in their troubles and +anxieties and--_shames_, poor souls! and open their hearts as they do to +nobody else. "Sure then, most people are kind in patches," an old woman +said to me one day; "'tis yourself that is kind _all round_!" + +I don't know that it's much credit to do what is no effort, and +certainly if I could choose a role in life it would be to play the part +of a good fairy, comforting people, cheering them up, helping them over +stiles, springing delightful little surprises upon them, just where the +road looked blocked! The trouble is that I've no gift for organised +charity. I have a pretty middling strong will of my own +("pigheadedness" Aunt Emmeline calls it!) and committees drive me daft. +They may be useful things in their way, but it's not my way. I want to +get to work on my own, and not to sit talk, talk, talking over every +miserable, piffling little detail. No! If I play fairy, I must at +least be free to wave my own wand, and to find my own niche where I can +wave it to the best advantage. The great, all-absorbing question +is--_where_ and _how_ to begin? + +Advertisements are the orthodox refuge of the perplexed. Suppose, for +the moment, that I advertised, stating my needs and qualifications in +the ordinary shilling-a-line fashion. It would run something like +this:-- + +"Lady. Young. Healthy. Good appearance. Seeks occupation for a +loving heart. Town or country. Travel if required." + +It sounds like an extract from a matrimonial paper. I wonder how many, +or, to speak more accurately, how _few_ bachelors would exhibit any +anxiety to occupy the vacancy. I might add "private means," and _then_ +the answers would arrive in sacks, I should have the offer of a hundred +husbands, and a dozen kind homes, with hot and cold water, cheerful +society, a post office within a mile, and a golf course in the +neighbourhood. A hundred mothers of families would welcome me to their +bosoms, and a hundred spinsters would propose the grand tour and +intellectual companionship; but I want to be loved for myself, and in +return to love, and to help-- + +I am not thinking of marriage. Some day I shall probably fall in love, +like everyone else, and be prepared to go off to the Ural Mountains or +Kamtschatka, or any other remote spot, for the privilege of accompanying +my Jock. I shall probably be just as mad, and deluded, and happy, and +ridiculous as any other girl, when my turn comes; but it hasn't come +_yet_, and I'm not going to sit still and twiddle my thumbs pending its +approach. I'm in no hurry! It is in my mind that I should prefer a few +preliminary independent years. + +Aunt Eliza drove over this afternoon to "cheer me up". She means well, +but her cheering capacities are not great. Her mode of attack is first +to enlarge on every possible ill, and reduce one to a state of collapse +from pure self-pity, and then to proceed to waft the same troubles aside +with a casual flick of the hand. She sat down beside me, stroked my +hand (I hate being pawed!) and set plaintively to work. + +"_Poor dear_! I know you are feeling desolate. It's so hard for you, +isn't it, dear, having no other brother or sister? Makes it all the +harder, doesn't it, dear! And Kathie _leant_ on you so! You must feel +that your work is gone. Stranded! That's the feeling, isn't it? I +_do_ understand. But"--(sudden change to major key)--"_she_ is happy! +You must forget yourself in her joy!" + +I said, "Oh! yes," and removed my hand under pretence of feeling for a +handkerchief. Her face lengthened again, and she drew a deep sigh. + +(Minor.) "I always feel it is the last straw for a woman when she has to +give up her home in a time of trouble. A home is a refuge, and you have +made The Clough so charming. It will be a wrench to move all the dear +old furniture, and to leave the garden where you and Kathie were so +happy together. Wherever you look, poor dear, you must feel a fresh +stab. Associations!--so precious, aren't they, to a woman's heart? +(Major.) But material things are of _small_ value, after all, dear. We +learn that as we grow _old_! A true woman can make a home wherever she +goes--" + +"I--I suppose she can." + +(Minor.) "But of course the loneliness _is_ a handicap. Having no one +who needs you, no one to welcome you home. So sad! Especially in the +evenings! Solitary people are apt to grow morose. You will miss +Kathie's bright happy ways. (Quick change!) Well! Well! No one +_need_ be lonely in this world. There are thousands of suffering souls +fainting by the wayside for lack of the very help which it is in your +power to give. If I could just tell you of some cases I know!" + +I pricked up my ears. + +"I wish you would. I like to hear about other people's troubles!" + +"My dear! Such a startling way of putting things! You don't mean it. +I know your tender heart! Of course the worst cases are in the big +cities. London, now! Every time I go to London, and travel as one is +obliged to do from one end of the city to the other, I look out upon +those endless rows and rows of streets of small houses, and at the great +towering blocks of flats at every turn, and feel _appalled_ at the +thought of the misery that goes on inside!" + +"And the joy!" + +"My dear, what kind of joy _can_ there be in such places?" + +"Not your kind perhaps, nor mine, but real enough all the same. People +love one another, and have their own pleasures and interests. Little +clerks come home to little wives and tell of little successes. Women in +ugly houses buy some new piece of ugliness, and find it beautiful, and +rejoice. Babies toddle about--fat, pretty things, with curly mops." + +She stared at me blankly. + +"Curly mops! What does it matter whether their hair curls or not? Ah, +my dear, in such circumstances children are not all joy. I had a letter +from a friend the other day--Lady Templar. We were at school together. +Her nephew, Wenham Thorold, has lost his wife. Married at twenty-three. +So silly! A clergyman's daughter, without a sou. Now, of course, she +dies, and leaves him with five small children." + +"Very inconsiderate!" + +"Very inconvenient for the poor man! Only thirty-five, and a baby in +arms. How will it help him if its hair curls? He puts the elder +children to bed himself after his day's work. Quite pathetic to hear +of! Wouldn't he have been happier with one?" + +"Possibly--for the present. Later on the five will help _him_, and he +will be glad and proud." + +"Children dragged up by strangers are not always a credit and pride. I +hope these may be, but--If you'd heard my friend's tales! They live in +a flat. Quite a cheap block in some unfashionable neighbourhood. _No_ +society. He has one small maid and a housekeeper to look after the +children. Most inefficient, Adela says. Holes in their stockings, and +shrieks the moment their father is out of the building!" + +"What was he like?" + +"He? Who? Oh, the poor father! Handsome, she said, but haggard. The +Templar nose. Poor, helpless man!" + +A horrible feeling surged over me. I felt it rise, swell, crash over my +head like a flood of water--a conviction that I was listening to no +tale, but to a _call_--that Providence had heard my cry for work, and +had answered it in the person of Wenham Thorold--handsome and haggard-- +in the person of little Thorold girls with holes in their stockings, of +little Thorold boys who shrieked, and a Thorold baby with problematic +hair that might, or might not, curl. + +I cowered at the prospect. All very well to talk of my own way, and my +own niche, all very well to dream of fairy wands, and of the soothing, +self-ingratiating role of transforming other people's grey into gold, +while the said people sat agape, transfixed with gratitude and +admiration, _but_--how extraordinarily prosaic and unromantic the +process became when worked out in sober black and white. To mend +stockings, to stifle shrieks, to be snubbed by a cross housekeeper; +probably, in addition, to be sent to Coventry by the handsome and +haggard one, under suspicion of manoeuvring for his affections. Yes, at +the slightest interference he would certainly put me down as a designing +female, with designs on his hand. At this last thought I sniggered, and +Aunt Eliza looked severe. + +"_No_ subject for mirth, Evelyn. I'm surprised! _You_ who are always +talking of wanting to help--" + +"But could I help him? I will, if I can. I have money and time, and am +longing for work. Could I banish the housekeeper, and introduce a +variation by paying to take her place?" + +Aunt Eliza looked at the ceiling, and informed it obviously, though +dumbly, that when nieces talked nonsense it was waste of breath to +reply. Outraged dignity spoke in her rigid back, in the thin contour of +her cheek. + +"A Wastneys to speak of being a housekeeper!" + +I realised that I had gone too far, for to jest at the expense of the +family pride was an unpardonable offence, so I added hastily:-- + +"Or I might take a flat hard by, and do good by stealth! Win the +housekeeper's heart, and then take charge of the five when she gads +forth. Some of the other tenants might need help too. In those great +big buildings, where scores of families live under one roof, there must +always be _somebody_ who needs a helping hand. It would be rather a +charming role to play good fairy to the mansions!" + +Even as I spoke a flash of inspiration seemed to light up my dark brain. +My own careless words had created a picture which charmed, which +intrigued. It was as though a veil had lifted, and I caught sight of +beckoning hands. I saw before me a great, grim building, storey after +storey rising in unbroken line, the dusty windows staring into the +windows of a twin building across the road, just as tall, just as +unlovely, just as desolate. I saw a bare entrance hall, in which +pale-faced men and women came and went. I passed with them into +so-called "homes" where electric light burned day and night, and little +children played in nurseries about the size of a comfortable bed. +Everybody, as it seemed, was worn down with the burden of the inevitable +daily task, so that there was no energy left for beauty, for gaiety, for +joy. Suppose--oh, suppose there lived in that building one tenant whose +mission it was to supply that need, to be a Happiness-Monger, a Fairy +Godmother, a--a--a living bran pie of unexpected and stimulating +_helps_. + +For the first moment since that motor car turned out of the gate, +bearing away the bride and bridegroom, a glow of warmth took the place +of the blank ache in the place where my heart used to be. It hurt a +little, just as it hurts when the circulation returns to frozen limbs, +but it was a wholesome hurt, a hundred times better than the calm that +had gone before. There glowed through my veins the exultation of the +martyr. Now farewell to ease and luxury, to personal desires and +ambitions. Henceforth I lived only to serve the race! + +"Oh, Auntie, it's a glorious idea. Why didn't I think of it before? My +vocation is ready and waiting for me, but I should never have found it +if it hadn't been for you! Why shouldn't I take a little flat in some +unfashionable block, and play good fairy to my neighbours? A free, +unmarried woman is _so_ useful! There ought to be one in every family, +a permanent `Aunt Mary,' to lend a hand in its joys and sorrows, its +spring cleanings, and its--jams! Nowadays Aunt Marys are so scarce. +They are absorbed in their own schemes. Why shouldn't I take up the +role, and be a universal fairy to the mansions--devoting my idle time to +other people who need me, ready to love and to scold, to bake and to +brew, to put my fingers in other people's pies, leaving behind sugar for +them, and pulling out plums for myself of soothing, and comfort, and +joy!" My voice broke suddenly. I was awfully lonely, and the thought +of those figurative plums cut to the heart. The tears trickled down my +cheeks; I forgot where I was, and to whom I was speaking, and just +sobbed out all that was in my heart. + +"Oh! Oh! To be needed again! To have some one to care for! That +would help--that would fill the gap--that would make life worth while." + +Instinctively I stretched out my hands, in appeal for sympathy and +understanding. + +"Oh, don't be silly!" said Aunt Eliza. + + + +CHAPTER THREE. + +CHARMION FANE INTERVENES. + +During the next days the idea of making my home in London, and playing +fairy godmother to the tenants in a block of flats, took an +ever-deepening root in my heart. I pondered on it incessantly and +worked out plans as to ways and means. + +Bridget should go with me as general factotum, for my method of living +must be as simple as possible, since the neighbours would be more likely +to confide their troubles to the ear of one who was, apparently, in the +same position of life as themselves. Smart clothing would be +unnecessary also, and a hundred and one luxuries of a leisured life. I +mentally drew up a list of things taboo, and regarded it with--let me be +honest--lingering regret. I was quite, quite willing to deny myself, +but it is folly to pretend that it didn't cost a pang. I _like_ good +clothes and dainty meals, and motor-cars, and space, and luxury, and +people to wait upon me when I'm tired, and unlimited supplies of +flowers, and fruit, and hot water, to say nothing of my own little share +of variety and fun. Down at the bottom of my heart, a lurking doubt of +myself stirred into life, and spoke with insistent voice:-- + +"All very well, Evelyn, but can you _keep it up_? Are you brave enough, +strong enough, unselfish enough to give up all that has hitherto made +your life, and to be satisfied with living through others? Won't the +time come when nature will rebel, and demand a turn for yourself? And +_then_, Evelyn, _then_ what are you going to do? Could you ever respect +yourself again if, having put your shoulder to the wheel, you drew back +and lapsed into selfish indifference?" + +As for Aunt Emmeline, she turned on the cold tap, and kept it on at a +continuous trickle. + +"Exaggerated nonsense! You always _were_ exaggerated, Evelyn, from a +child. Be kind, of course; that's only your duty, but I call it +officious and presumptuous to interfere in other people's lives. _You_ +of all people! At your age! With your looks--" + +"What have my looks to do with it?" + +"My dear, it is not your fault, but I've said it before, and I say it +again--you are _showy_! There is something about you which makes people +stare. Dear Kathie could pass along quietly, or sit in a corner of a +room and be conveniently overlooked, but you--I am not paying you a +compliment, my dear, I consider it is a misfortune!--you _take the_ +_eye_! Wherever you go, people will notice you and gossip about your +movements. At twenty-six, and with your appearance, I ask you candidly, +as aunt to niece--_do_ you consider yourself a suitable person to live +alone, and minister to widowers?" + +"Well, if you put it like that, I _don't_! But what of the children who +shriek, and have holes in their stockings? Mightn't they like me better +just because I _am_ young and look nice?" + +I laughed as I spoke, but Aunt Emmeline was so pleased that I showed +some glimmerings of reason, that she said suavely:-- + +"Wait ten years, dear! Till your hair is grey! You will age early with +those sharp features. In ten or twelve years you can do as you please." + +I thought, but did not say:-- + +"My dear aunt, but I shall do it _now_!" + +A week passed by, while I pondered and worried, and then at last came a +"lead" from without. A morning dawned when Bridget brought my letters +with my early tea, and set them down on the table by my bed. + +"Four letters this morning, and only one of the lot you'll be caring to +see." + +Bridget takes a deep interest in my correspondence, and always +introduces a letter with a note of warning or congratulation: "That +bothering creature is worrying at you again!" + +"There's a laugh you'll be having over Master George's fun!" + +"You paid that bill before. Don't be letting them come over you with +their tricks!" + +It is, of course, reprehensible behaviour on the part of a maid, +presumptuous, familiar, interfering; but Bridget is Bridget, and I might +as soon command her not to use her tongue, as to stop taking an interest +in anything that concerns "Herself". As a matter of fact, I don't try. +Servility, and decorum, and a machine-like respect are to be hired for +cash at any registry office; but Bridget's red-hot devotion, her +child-like, unshakable conviction that everything that Miss Evelyn does +and says, or doesn't say and doesn't do, is absolutely right--ah, that +is beyond price! No poor forms and ceremony shall stand between Bridget +and me! + +I lifted the letters, and had no difficulty in selecting the one which +would "give me joy". Strangely enough, it was written by one of the +newest of my friends, one whose very existence had been unknown to me +two years before. + +We had met at a summer hotel where Kathie and I chanced to be staying, +and never shall I forget my first sight of Charmion Fane as she trailed +into the dining-room and seated herself at a small table opposite our +own. She was so tall and pale and shadowy in the floating grey chiffon +cloak that covered her white dress, she lay back in her chair with such +languor, and drooped her heavy eyelids with an air of such superfine +indifference to her fellow-men, that Kathie and I decided then and there +that she was succumbing to the effects of a dangerous operation, and-- +with care--might be expected to last six or eight weeks. + +We held fast to this conclusion till the next morning, when we met our +invalid striding over the moors, clad in abbreviated tweeds, and the +manniest of hard felt hats. Kathie said that she was plain. I said, +"Well, not plain exactly, but _queer_!" At dinner the same night, we +amended the verdict, and voted her "rather nice". Twenty-four hours +later she represented our ideal of female charm, and we figuratively +wept and rent our garments because she exhibited no interest in our +charming selves. An inspection of the visitors' book proved that her +name was "Mrs Fane," but that was not particularly enlightening, +especially as no home address was given. + +But on the third day, just as we were beginning to concoct dark schemes +by means of which we could force acquaintanceship, the "grey lady" +entered the lounge, marched unhesitatingly across to our corner, stood +staring down at us as we sat on the sofa, and said shortly:-- + +"This is ridiculous! We are wasting time! We three are the only really +interesting people in the hotel; we are dying to know each other--and we +know it! Come for a walk!" And lo! in another minute we were on the +high road, Kathie on one side, I on the other, gazing at her with +adoring eyes, while she said briskly:-- + +"My name is Charmion Fane. I am quite alone. No children. Thirty-two. +I don't live anywhere in particular. Just prowl round from one place +to another. If there are any other dull, necessary details that you +want to know, ask!--and get them over. Then we can talk!" + +We laughed, and replied with similar biographical sketches on our own +account, and then we _did_ talk--about books, and travels, and hobbies, +and mankind in general, and gradually, growing more and more intimate +(or rather _conscious_ of our intimacy, for we were friends after the +first hour!) of our personal hopes, fears, difficulties, and mental +outlooks. + +When we came in, Kathie and I faced each other in our bedroom, almost +incoherent with pleasure and excitement. + +"_Well_! What an afternoon! My dear, isn't she--" Kathie waved her +hands to express a superlative beyond the power of words. + +"She is!" + +"The most fascinating, the most interesting, the most original--" + +"And she likes us, too! As much as we like her. Isn't it glorious?" + +"She hasn't spoken to another soul. How could we have called her plain! +Evelyn, did you notice that she never spoke of her husband? She wears +grey and violet, so he has probably been dead for some years, but she +never referred to him in the slightest possible way." + +"Would it be likely, Kathie, in our very first talk?" + +"Yes!" declared Kathie sturdily. "Not intentionally, perhaps, but with +ordinary people it would have slipped out. `_We_ went to Italy. My +husband liked this or that.' She never advanced even as far as the +`we'. She must have been dreadfully, dreadfully fond of him!" + +I wondered! The death of a beloved husband or wife is a devastating +blow; but when the memory is beautiful, time softens it into a hallowed +sweetness. It is the bitter sorrow which refuses to be healed, which +fills the heart with a ceaseless unrest. Not even to Kathie would I +express my doubts, but the conviction weighed upon me that the cloud +which hung over Charmion Fane was the remembrance of unhappiness rather +than joy! + +For the next fortnight the greater part of our time was spent in +Charmion's company; generally we were a party of three, but in every day +there came a precious hour or so when I had her alone, and hugged the +secret confidence that the _tete-a-tete_ was as welcome to her as to +myself. + +Everything that was to be told about my own uneventful life she knew +before many days were passed, but of her own past she never spoke. From +incidental remarks we found that she had been the godchild of a +well-known politician long since dead, and that at eighteen she had been +presented at Court, which two discoveries proved useful, as they were +enough to convince the aunts that Charmion was a safe and desirable +acquaintance. + +Before she was twenty the scene had apparently shifted to America, where +she had lived for several years, and presumably--though she never said +so--had met her husband and spent her brief married life. Widowed-- +childless--thirty-two. Those few words supplied all that I knew of +Charmion Fane, except the obvious facts which were patent to the eye. + +She was oddly undemonstrative, and for all her charm had a manner which +made it impossible to approach one step nearer than she herself decreed. +Even when it came to the moment of saying good-bye, I could not tell +whether she wished to continue our friendship, or would be content to +let it drop as a passing incident of travel; but to my joy she held on +to my hand with a grip which was almost an appeal, and her thin, +finely-cut lips twitched once and again. She looked full into my face +with her strange eyes, the pupil large, the iris a light grey, ringed +with an edge of black, and said simply, "I'll miss you! But--it will go +on. We will always be friends." That was all, and during the two years +which had passed since that day we had met only once, for another short +summer holiday, and repeated invitations to The Clough had received the +same refusal--"I am not ready for visit-making." + +Letters I had received in plenty, and she had sent Kathie a handsome-- +really an extraordinarily handsome gift on her marriage, and to me the +dearest of letters, understanding everything without being told, +entering into my varying moods with exquisite comprehension. In return, +I had poured out my heart, telling her of my loneliness, my difficulty +about the next step, and now, at last, here came the reply. + +I sent Bridget away, drank my tea at a gulp, and settled down to read in +luxurious enjoyment. It was a longer letter than I had yet received, +and I had a premonition that it would clear the way. But I did not +realise how epoch-making it was to prove. + +"Dear Evelyn Wastneys,--I've been through it, my dear, and I know! It +doesn't bear talking of, so we _won't_ talk, but just pass on. What +next? you ask. I have been trying to solve that problem for the last +four years, and am no nearer a solution, so I can't tell you, my dear, +but I have an idea which might possibly provide a half-way house for us +both till the clouds lift. + +"This summer I happened--literally happened!--upon a small country place +about two hours' rail from town. An agent would describe it as a +`desirable gentleman's residence, comprising four entertaining rooms and +eight bedrooms, glass, stabling, and grounds of four acres, artistically +laid out'. But never mind the agent; take it from me that that house is +ideal. Long, low, irregular rooms just waiting to be made beautiful; no +set garden, but a wilderness of flowers, and a belt of real woodland; +dry soil, all the sun that is to be had, and an open country-side +agreeably free from villadom. I was tempted--badly tempted, but could +not face settling down alone. Only last week the agent wrote to me +again. + +"Evelyn, we fit each other; we are friends by instinct. How would you +like to take that house with me for the next two or three years, and +furnish it between us with our best `bits'? + +"Understand, before we go any further--not for a moment do I suggest +that we settle down to a definite home, and a jog-trot country life. I +couldn't stand it for one, and I doubt whether you could either, but--we +suit each other, Evelyn; there's that mysterious psychological link +between us which makes it good to be together. I have a feeling that we +could put in some good times in that house! + +"Financially, it would be an economy--we should save storage of +furniture, and have a convenient refuge in case of illness. The place +is cheap, and could be run with quite a small staff, and would be a +pleasant means of returning hospitalities. We could settle down for as +long as it suited us--three months, two months, a few weeks, as the case +might be--and then, when the impulse to roam came upon us, we should +simply rise up and depart. I should never ask where you were going. If +you asked me, I should not reply. Probably I should not know. On +certain months of the year the house might become the exclusive property +of one owner, when she might invite her own friends, and disport herself +as she pleased. Again, we might devote a certain period to charity, and +entertain lame dogs. There's no end to the good and the pleasure that +might be got out of that house. `Pastimes' is its name; isn't it quaint +and suggestive? And on the enclosed sheet you will behold elaborate +calculations of the sum which it would cost to run. The figures are +_over_ the mark, for I never delude myself by under-calculating in money +matters. For my own part, I can pay up, and have enough over to wander +at will. Can you do the same? If not, say no at once, and the project +is buried for evermore. You must not be tied. I refuse to be a party +to shutting you up in the depths of the country for the whole year +round. You have had enough of that. What you need now is movement, and +the jostle of other lives; but if, in addition, you can afford a +rest-house, a summer lodgment, a sanatorium for mind and body, and a +meeting-place with a friend, then pack your box, Evelyn, come and look +at Pastimes with me! + +"Your friend, Charmion Fane." + +I threw down the letter and seized the sheet of calculations in an agony +of eagerness. A glance at the final addition brought relief. Yes! I +could do it--pay my full share, and still have a handsome margin left +over. Once satisfied on that point, there could not be a moment's +hesitation, for it would be glorious to share a house with Charmion, and +to have her companionship for some months of each year. My whole life +was transfixed by the prospect, and yet she was right! I could not have +accepted the offer if it had meant a permanent settling down to a +luxurious country life. I was too restless, too eager for experience, +too anxious to discover my very own work, and to do it in my very own +way. + +The picture of that old English house, with its panelled rooms, set in a +surrounding wealth of flowers and green, gripped hold of my imagination; +but here was an odd thing. It was powerless to banish another picture, +in which there was no rose and no blue, but only dull neutral tints--the +picture of a basement flat in a grey London road, with electric burners +instead of sun, and for view, a vista of passing feet belonging to +bodies cut off from sight. + +I could not, even for Charmion, give up the prospect of that flat, and +all that it had come to mean; but--let me acknowledge it honestly--it +was balm and relief to know that I could have a means of escape, and +that at culminating moments of weariness, when everything seemed wry and +disappointing, and the whole weight of seven storeys seemed to be +pressing down on my brains, I could bang my door, turn the key, and fly +off to peace and beauty, and a healing pandering to personal tastes! + +Woman is a complex character, and I am no better than my kind. I feel +it in me to be an angel of self-denial and patience for, say, the third +of the year! I know for a certain fact that I should have a bad lapse +if I tried to keep it up for the remaining thirds. Now, thanks to +Charmion, the way was made easy, and I could put my hand to the plough +without fear of drawing back. + +I leapt out of bed in a tingle of excitement. Impossible to lie still +when things were happening at such a rapid rate. The sun was shining, +and, looking at a belt of trees in the distance, I could catch a faint +shimmer of green. It is perhaps the most intoxicating moment of the +year, when that first gleam of spring greets the eye, and this special +year it held an added exhilaration, for it seemed to speak of the +budding of fresh personal life. + +I laughed; I sang; the depression of the last weeks fell from me like a +cloak, and I faced the future glad and undismayed. With the reading of +that letter had come an end to indecision. I now knew exactly what I +was about to do. Write to Charmion, and fix the earliest possible date +for a meeting in town. From town we would inspect Pastimes, the while I +instituted inquiries for a suitable flat. The two homes secured, I +would then return to The Clough, and divide my furniture into two +batches, send them off to their several destinations, and follow myself, +hot foot. It would take some time to put both dwellings in order, but +it would be interesting work. I love the making of interiors, and if +Pastimes must be fitted beautifully to do justice to itself, still more +would it be needful to turn the uninspiring "flat" into a haven of +comfort and cheer. + +At this precise moment my prancing brought me in front of the long +mirror, and what I beheld therein brought me up with a gasp. Twenty-six +is quite a venerable age, but at moments of happiness and exhilaration +it has a disconcerting trick of switching back to seventeen. That +smiling, bright-eyed, pink-and-white-cheeked girl in the glass, with two +long pigtails of hair hanging to her waist, looked really absurdly +juvenile! Given a small stretch of imagination, you might have believed +that she was a flapper preparing for her last term at school; by no +possible mental effort could you have placed her as a douce maiden lady, +living alone in London, devoting herself to good works in a manner as +adventurous as it was unusual. + +Mothers of children would insinuate that I was a child myself; troubled +matrons would purse their lips, and say, "I can't tell _you_, my dear. +You are too young." Certainly, oh, most certainly, men of all ages +would put me down as a designing minx! In vain industry, self-sacrifice +and generosity--that young face, that bright youthful colouring would +nullify all my efforts. + +It was true--it was true! I looked, as Aunt Eliza had pointed out, a +dozen years too young for the part. People would stare, people would +talk, people would advise me to go back and live with my aunts, and wait +ten years. + +In a frenzy of impatience I seized the two long plaits, and twisted them +now this way, now that. Astonishing the difference which hair-dressing +can make! I have read of a heroine who passed successfully as her own +twin sister by the simple device of plainly brushed hair and puritanical +garments, the sister, of course, sporting marcelle waves and Parisian +costumes. I dipped my brush in the water-jug and dragged back my own +hair in a plastered mass, clamping the plaits to my head. I looked like +a Dutch doll! Clean and chubby, and, alas! considerably younger than +before. I parted it in the middle, and glued it over my ears. I looked +like a naughty schoolgirl, who had had her hair dressed by a maiden +aunt. I piled the plaits in a coronet over my forehead; I looked like a +portrait of a Norwegian damsel dressed for her bridal. I threw down the +brush in disgust, and stamped with impatience. + +No use! Not a bit of use! All the hair-dressing in the world could not +make me look old, or even approximately middle-aged. The ugliest +flannel blouse that was ever made, while it would certainly be hideously +unbecoming, could not add one year, let alone ten, to my age. + +It was a bitter blow. All that morning I went about pondering the +desperate question of how to look old. Aunt Emmeline had prophesied +that I should know soon enough, "with those beaked features," but I +wanted to know _now_, not in any permanent, disagreeable fashion, but as +a kind of sleight-of-hand trick, by which I could be mature one day and +the next in blooming youth. Elderly in London, young at Pastimes. A +douce, unremarkable "body" in the basement flat, and in Surrey a lady of +leisure, rings on her fingers and bells on her toes! + +Aunt Eliza would have cried once more, "Oh, don't be silly!" if I had +confronted her with such a problem. I said, "Don't be silly!" to myself +many times over in the course of that day, but I persisted in being +silly all the same. At the back of my mind lingered the conviction that +if I went on thinking long enough a solution would come. + +_How could I manage to look old_? I asked the question of myself every +hour of the next few days. I asked it of everyone I met, and was +fatuously assured that I demanded the impossible; at long last I asked +it of old Bridget, whose sound common sense had come to my rescue times +and again. + +"Sure, my dear, your husband will manage that for you!" was Bridget's +instant solution. + +"Not the husband I shall choose!" I replied with easy assurance. + +A moment's pause was devoted to the problematical Prince Charming whose +mission it would be to keep _me young_, then I asked tentatively:-- + +"What shall I look like, Bridget, when I am old?" + +Bridget folded her arms and regarded me with a critical stare. + +"Your hair will turn grey, and them fine straight brows of yours will +grow thin, or maybe fall out altogether, and leave you with none. An' +you'll wear spectacles, and have lines round your eyes. But it's +neither the grey hairs nor the specs that spoils the looks. It's not +_them_ that's the worst!" + +I stared at her open-mouthed, trembling between shrinking and curiosity. + +"_It's the shape of the cheeks_!" said Bridget darkly. "Yourself now, +and the ladies of your age, it's pretty, slim bits of faces you have, +going to a peak at the chin. When you're old, it runs to squares and +doubles. Look to your cheeks, miss, if you wants to keep young!" She +unfolded her arms, stretched them at full length, and comfortably folded +them again. Her broad chest heaved in a cackle of amused reminiscence. + +"Sure, d'ye reminder Miss Kathleen when she play-acted the ould lady, +the last Christmas party?" + +Poor old Bridget! She got the surprise of her life in my reception of +that simple question. Jumping out of my chair, dancing round, whooping +and hurraying "like a daft thing," as she afterwards described my +movements. Then to find herself at one moment enthusiastically patted +on the back, and at the next to be pushed towards the door, and exhorted +to hurry!--hurry!--to mount to the attic, and bring down the old tin +box--well, it was disconcerting, to say the least of it, and Bridget's +dignity was visibly upset. She had forgotten that all the "make ups" +which we had used for various Christmas festivals were stored away in +that old tin box, and consequently could not guess that I was fired with +an ambition to try on Kathie's disguise forthwith. + +Ten minutes later I was standing before the glass and enthusiastically +acclaiming the truth of Bridget's statement, as I stared at the +reflection of a spectacled dame with grizzled eyebrows, grey hair banded +smoothly over the ears, and a bulging fullness at the base of each +cheek! It _was_ the cheeks that made the disguise! Spectacles and hair +still left the personality of the face untouched; even the bushy +eyebrows were but a partial disguise, but with the insertion of those +small india-rubber pads came an utter and radical change. That chubby, +square-faced woman was not Evelyn Wastneys. Never by any possibility +could she see forty again. So far as propriety went, she might roam +alone from one end of the world to the other. If she lived in the +largest block of flats that was ever erected, her neighbours would +regard her comings and goings with serene indifference. Admirable +woman! She did _not_ "take the eye". I met her spectacled glance with +a beam of approval. + +"I have it!--I have it! I must _dress_ for the part! In London I'll be +a middle-aged aunt; in Surrey, a niece--my own niece and namesake, who, +of her charity, consents to receive some of her auntie's _protegees_ and +give them a good time!" The wildness, the audacity of the project made +to me its chief appeal. My life interest had been so sheltered, so +hedged round by convention, that at times it had seemed as though there +was a wall of division between me and every other human creature. It +was so difficult to show oneself in one's _real_ colours, to see and +know other people as they really were. But now!--oh, what a unique and +exhilarating experience it would be to taste at the same time the +romance of youth and the freedom of age, to witness the different sides +of other characters as exhibited in their treatment of aunt and niece. + +That one illuminating suggestion of Bridget's has cleared the way. From +the moment of hearing there had been no real hesitation; before night +fell my plans were made, and a telegram to Charmion was speeding on its +way. A new life lay before me--a dual life, teeming with interest and +possibility. On one hand, my fate must be to some extent bound up with +that of Charmion Fane, the most interesting and, in a sense, mysterious +woman I had ever met; on the other, I was plunging into the unknown, and +transforming myself into a new personality, to meet the new +circumstances. I stared at myself in the glass and solemnly shook my +grey head. + +"Evelyn, my dear, be prepared! You are going to have an adventurous +time!" + + + +CHAPTER FOUR. + +A TALK IN LONDON. + +The aunts expressed a mitigated approval of Charmion's proposal. Mrs +Fane came of a good family, and was "very well left". Her married +estate, moreover, gave her the privilege of chaperonage, so that the +dual establishment might be quite a good arrangement, all things +considered, "until--" + +"_Until_!" echoed Aunt Eliza eloquently, nodding coyly at me, while I +stared into space with basilisk calm. I object to references to my +problematical marriage--especially by aunts. The great "until" never +arrived for them, yet they feel quite annoyed because twenty-six has +found me still a spinster! + +I made my journey to London with a sense of great adventure, Bridget +going with me in the dual role of maid and mentor. She was the only +person who was to accompany me into the new life, and experience had +proved that her sound common sense might be trusted to act as a brake on +the wheels of my own impetuosity. We stayed the morning in town, when I +interviewed a house agent, and set him on the search for suitable flats, +and then we adjourned to the West End to buy a becoming new hat. It +always soothes me to buy hats. In times of doubt and depression it is +an admirable tonic to the feminine mind. At three o'clock we left +Waterloo for our two hours' journey, and arrived at the old-fashioned +inn, which was to act as rendezvous, before half-past five. + +Charmion was awaiting us in a private sitting-room, long, oak-beamed, +spotlessly clean, and a trifle musty, with that faint but unmistakable +mustiness which hangs about old rooms and old furniture. Tea was set +out on one half of the oak dining-table. The china was of the +old-fashioned white and gold order, the cups very wide at the brim and +cramped at the handle, and possessing a dear little surprise rose at the +base, which peeped out through a hoar frost of sugar as you drained the +last gulp. Charmion laughed at my delight over that rose, but I was in +the mood to be pleased, to see happy auguries in trivial happenings. I +hailed that rose as a type of unexpected joys. + +Charmion was dressed in business-like grey tweeds, with a soft grey felt +hat slouched over her head. She looked very pale, very frail, +intensely, vibratingly alive. This extraordinary contradiction between +body and mind made a charm and mystery which it is difficult to express +in words. One longed to protect and shield her, to tuck her up on a +sofa, and tend her like a fragile child, at the very same moment that +mentally one was sitting at her feet, domineered by the influence of a +master mind! + +I ate an enormous tea, and Charmion crumbled a piece of cake upon her +plate; then we had the things taken away, and drew up to the fire, and +toasted our toes, and looked into each other's eyes, and exclaimed +simultaneously--"_Well_?" + +Hitherto we had talked on general subjects, Kathleen's marriage, the +break-up of the old home, my own journey, etcetera, but now we were free +from interruption for an hour at least, and the great subject could be +safely tackled. + +"Evelyn! Do you realise that _nothing_ is settled, and that nothing +need be, unless you are absolutely, whole-heartedly _sure_?" + +"I am absolutely whole-hearted about several things already. What sort +of things were _you_ thinking about?" + +"Well, take the house first. It meets my ideal, but it mayn't be yours. +You must promise to give an unvarnished opinion." + +"Make your mind easy! If there is one thing that I may claim to be +above all others, it is `unvarnished'. I have a brutal frankness in +expressing my own opinion. If, through nice feeling, I try to disguise +it, my manner shrieks it aloud!" + +"That's all right then. I'm glad to hear it. Next comes the question +of time. We should have to take a lease of three years. I don't know +if you'd care to bind yourself for so long." + +That reminded me of the aunts' "until", and I said solemnly, "Charmion, +tell me the worst. _Is_ there an eligible bachelor who owns the next +`place' ready to discover me picking his roses, or trespassing on his +side of the stream, and to make love to me forthwith? They always _do_ +in books, you know, when girls go to live in country houses." + +Charmion smiled her slow, languorous smile. + +"I have amused myself with looking up the names of the people living in +all the big houses around: They seem uniformly made up of couples. To +the best of my belief, there is not a single man, bachelor or widower, +within many miles." + +I said, "Oh!" and felt the faint, natural dismay which any human girl +would feel in the circumstances. Charmion herself was enough romance +for the present, and a precipitate "lover next door" would for the +moment have been _de trop_, but still-- + +My expression (unvarnished!) evidently betrayed my feelings, for +Charmion smiled, sighed, and stretched out a caressing hand. + +"Let's be honest. It is foolish to set up a partnership in the dark. +Is there _anyone_, Evelyn, who may swoop down upon us at a moment's +notice, and carry you off to share _his_ house?" + +"To the best of my knowledge there is not a solitary one. I'm quite +sure of one thing, and that is, that however wildly he swooped, I +wouldn't go!" + +"But there must be--you are so pretty, Evelyn, and so attractive--there +must _have_ been." + +"Oh yes; two. But not real lovers, Charmion, only--_pretendus_. One +was young and needy and ambitious, and thought that I should look very +well sitting at the head of his table. Incidentally, that my money +would be useful to provide the table and the things upon it. The +other--he was rather a dear, and he cared enough to give me a pang. But +he was happily married last year to a girl who is as _un_-like me in +every respect as you can possibly imagine. They are both ancient +history now." + +"And you? You yourself? You have never been in love?" + +If any other woman had asked me such a question there would have been +short shrift with her. Charmion herself had never before attempted such +personalities; but now, when she deemed it necessary, she spoke without +a flicker of hesitation, her grey eyes staring full into mine. It would +have seemed ridiculous to take offence. + +"Once. At first sight. Quite bowled over. We met at an hotel." + +She knew what I meant, made a dainty little grimace, and bent her head +in a small bow of acknowledgment, which somehow managed to look quite +regal and stately. I longed to put one or two questions in return. +Widows _have_ been known to marry again! Why should I not wish to be +reassured on my own account? Why should it be wrong for me to force +confidences, when she herself had led the way? It would _not_ be wrong; +it would be right, and prudent, and praiseworthy. The only objection +was, _I could not do it_. After that little bow of acknowledgment, +Charmion threw back her head until it rested on the high cushioned back +of her chair. + +"That's settled then," she said quietly. + +Her heavy lids drooped over her eyes, her fine white hands were folded +in her lap. There was in voice and manner an air of finality, which was +as impervious as a barrier of barbed wire. Not for any bribe in the +world would I have attempted to scale it. + +The next morning, bright and early, we chartered a "fly," and lumbered +along two miles of country lanes, and then, suddenly turning a corner, +found ourselves at the gate of Pastimes. It was a dull, grey day, of +which I was glad, for _any_ place can look attractive in spring +sunshine. I have seen even a third-rate London square look quite frisky +and inviting with a shimmer of green over the black trees, and the +spring-cleaned windows sending out flashes of light; it's a very +different spectacle on a November afternoon. Five minutes' +acquaintanceship with Pastimes showed, however, that its predominating +quality was cheerfulness. There was a great deal of panelling on the +walls, but it was of white wood, not oak, and the old, small latticed +windows had been converted into deep bays, filled with great panes of +plate glass--a pagan proceeding from an artistic point of view, but +infinitely cheerful and healthy. There was a large central hall from +either side of which opened two rooms of medium size, facing +respectively east and west; a quaint descent of two steps led the way to +a really spacious drawing-room, through the great windows of which was a +lovely vista of velvet lawn, and a great cedar drooping its green +branches to the ground. + +Parallel with the drawing-room, and also facing south, was a long +glassed-in apartment which had evidently been used to harbour plants, +garden-chairs, and impedimenta, but which revealed itself to our eyes as +an ideal sun-parlour for chilly days. Sheltered from draughts by the +outstanding walls, yet with a glass roof and frontage to catch every ray +of sun, the parlour would be an ideal refuge for spring and autumn. So +far as public rooms went, we were well off with five apartments at the +disposal of two people. + +"Mine!--yours!--_ours_!" cried Charmion, waving her hands descriptively, +first towards the two smaller rooms, and then to the other three in +turn. + +"In the hall we will eat; the big room shall be no ordinary formal +drawing-room, but a living-room _a deux_. The sun-parlour also we shall +share, but the `sulkies' shall be private ground, hermetically sealed +against intruders! There is a spare room upstairs which can be spared +for muddles. I have a fastidiously tidy eye. It _offends_ me to see +things scattered about, but my hands _will_ go on scattering them, so it +is necessary for my peace of mind to have a muddle-room where I can +deposit bundles at a moment's notice, and feel sure that they will not +be tidied away. Well, shall we go upstairs and see the bedrooms?" + +"Where _are_ the stairs?" I asked curiously, for from no corner of the +hall was there a glimpse of staircase visible. I had not thought about +it before, but now I realised that it was just this absence which gave +that touch of comfort and privacy which is wanting in the ordinary +entrance "lounge". There was no draughty well, no galleried space +overhead, from which curious ears could overhear private confidences. I +stared round mystified, till Charmion opened yet another doorway, and +behold! there was the staircase, the oddest, curliest specimen of its +kind, mounting up and up within a narrow well, for all the world like +the steps in a church tower, except that these were wide and shallow, +and that a thick brass rod had been placed on the outer wall to act as a +banister in the case of need. Whoever had built Pastimes had plainly +believed that stairs were needed for the purpose of transit only, and +had refused to waste space on their adornment. + +On the first landing were several good bedrooms, two of which possessed +big sunny balconies, facing south. + +"That settles it!" I told Charmion. "If I had had any doubts before, +the balconies would have decided me, once for all. All my life I have +yearned to have a bedroom opening on to a really big balcony. I'm crazy +about balconies! Think of the happy hours one has spent on balconies in +Switzerland and Italy! To have been in a room without one would have +been to lose half the joy. And even in England--think of all the things +one can do on a balcony of one's very own. Sleep out when it is hot. +Air your mattress. Hang up your sponge. Grow your pet flowers. Dry +your hair. Cry it out quietly when you feel blue. Sentimentalise over +the railings when you feel _rose_." + +Charmion's fine brows arched, her lids drooped over her eyes. I +recognised the same expression which her face had worn the night before, +when for a moment I had seemed on the point of questioning her about her +own romance. Once more I felt myself up against an impenetrable wall of +reserve, and hastily switched the conversation to the more prosaic topic +of cupboards. The very sound of a balcony bristles with romance, but +cupboards may be discussed with safety under the most lacerating +circumstances. There is something comfortably safe and stodgy about +them. And Pastimes was so rich in this respect that we spent a happy +half-hour appointing their future uses, and jotting down notes for their +improvement. + +Later on we visited the gardens, beautiful even in their sleep, and +promising a very paradise for summer days. The lawns and flower beds +immediately around the house were exquisitely in order, but by far the +greater part of the grounds was uncultivated. There was a strip of +_real_ woodland, where the light filtered down through the branches of +tall old trees on to a carpet of dried leaves and bracken, through which +could be seen the close-growing green shoots which foretold a harvest of +bulbs. Later on no doubt there would be primroses and bluebells, and +when summer came, if I knew anything about it, there would be two +hammocks swinging between spreading branches, and two happy women +reposing therein. It was this _real_ country air which gave Pastimes +its chief charm. + +That evening Charmion came to my room, and we sat together by the fire +and talked for three solid hours. As a rule, I get fidgety in the +evening when talk is the only amusement, but I can sit and listen to +Charmion for as long as she chooses to go on. She is--interesting! She +says things in an interesting way, and has interesting things to say. I +have met extraordinarily clever and well-informed people who are +terrible bores. Charmion would be interesting if she told one how to +make an egg flip! As I watched the delicate play of expression on the +tired face, which was yet so thrillingly alive, as I listened to the +slow soft drawl of her voice, I felt a sudden rush of thankfulness and +exhilaration. + +"Charmion!" I cried suddenly, "aren't you _thankful_ to be rich?" + +She flinched as though I had struck her, and turned upon me a wild-eyed +look of affront. + +"Rich? Who says I am rich? Who has been talking about my affairs? +Have you--have you been making inquiries to find out what I am worth?" + +I stared, deeply offended. + +"I have not. Perhaps it would have been more business-like if I _had_, +but I accepted your word. I asked a simple question because at the +moment I happened to be feeling particularly thankful that I could +afford to share Pastimes with you, and I imagined that you might +possibly feel the same." + +I paused, waiting expectantly for words of apology and excuse, but none +came. Charmion stared at me below knitted brows, and said shortly:-- + +"Yes, it is true. You ought to have business references. You shall +_have_ them! My lawyer shall write to you at once. I was a wretch to +speak so sharply, Evelyn, but--you touched a sore point! Thankful? No, +indeed! Money is a curse. The greatest handicap a woman can have. If +I had my life to live again, I should choose to be a penniless working +girl!" + +She had taken off her rings and dropped them in a sparkling little heap +on her lap, the while she softly polished her long pink nails. Her +padded kimona was of pink silk, heavily embroidered with roses, her feet +were thrust into slippers of the same shade and material. A more +luxurious figure it would be difficult to imagine. I rolled an +expressive eye, and she shrugged her shoulders in response. + +"Oh, of course, I am an artificial product, and the chains hold fast. I +don't take any particular interest in my appearance, but it is an +ingrained habit to go through a certain routine. It would annoy me to +have dull nails, so I polish them as you see; also, though I am dead +tired, I shall have my hair brushed for half an hour before going to +bed, and then steam my foolish face. It bores me profoundly, but it +would bore me more to feel unkempt. So far as that goes, I should do +exactly the same on twopence a week!" + +"Minus a maid and appliances?" + +Charmion shrugged daintily. + +"Soap and water are cheap, fortunately." + +"I beg your pardon! Not _your_ kind of soap. You might find even hot +water a difficulty. I imagine that girls on twopence a week have to +consider the price of boiling a kettle. Their hot water is not `laid +on'. Moreover, the poor dears must be `dead tired,' in a way which you +and I cannot even imagine." + +"It is their life," Charmion said loftily. + +"Excuse me--I mean to _live_! That's why I am thankful to have money, +because it gives me more scope to live thoroughly." + +"Poor innocent! What a delusion. Money shuts the door of your cage. A +golden cage, excellently padded, but--_its bars shut out all the best +things of life_!" + +I laughed again, for the statement was so opposed to all accepted +theories. + +"_What_ best things, for example?" + +"Confidence," said Charmion solemnly. "Trust in one's +fellow-creatures." She lifted her heavy lids as she spoke, and her eyes +looked into mine. In their grey depths was a blank, empty expression, +which once seen is never forgotten, for it speaks of a hurt so deep and +keen that the memory of it breaks the heart. I leapt from my seat and +wrapped Charmion in my arms. + +"Oh, my dear, my dear, there is one person you can trust! Whatever +happens, Charmion, you can count on me! Darling! I know you have had +troubles. I don't ask to hear about them. I only want to be allowed to +love you, and to do all I can to help and to comfort. Never, never be +afraid to ask for anything I can do. I would put you before myself, +Charmion, if it ever came to a choice between our different interests--I +would indeed! Don't you believe it is true?" + +She laid her two hands on my shoulders and smiled. + +"You dear thing! I believe it is. You would sacrifice yourself for me, +and I should accept the sacrifice. It is the way we are made. You to +give, and I to demand. Let us pray, my dear, that the day may never +come when our interests do clash. Of a certainty, poor Evelyn, you +would come off worse!" + + + +CHAPTER FIVE. + +PASTIMES--AND MR MAPLESTONE. + +The next morning, bright and early, we called on the house-agent to sign +and seal the agreement which should make us the happy owners of Pastimes +for a term of years agreeably elastic. + +Mr Edwards was a small, dapper little man, typically house-agenty in +manner, even to the point of assuring us gravely that another tenant was +urgently in the field, and that we had secured our lease by the very +skin of our teeth. + +Charmion lifted incredulous eyebrows. + +"But, Mr Edwards, you wrote to me a second time, only a fortnight ago, +to say the house was still on your hands!" + +"Quite so, madam. And it was. But only on Monday Mr Maplestone +motored over from Wembly. Mr Maplestone is Squire there--a very +influential gentleman in these parts. He is looking out a house for a +relative, and had only just heard that Pastimes was vacant. He drove +over, as I say, and telegraphed to his friend that the house was too +good to lose. He expected a reply this evening." + +"When it will be too late!" Charmion said calmly. "You told him, of +course, that you were in treaty with another tenant?" + +"I did, madam. Quite so. But"--the little man hesitated, and fidgeted +uncomfortably--"Mr Maplestone is--er--accustomed to get his own way! I +explained that I must accept a definite offer, and that you had the +first option, but I am afraid that he hardly realises--" + +Charmion waved an imperial hand. + +"We are not concerned with Mr Maplestone, or what he expects. Pastimes +is ours, and that settles the question. To-morrow morning Miss Wastneys +and I will meet you at eleven o'clock, to go over the house together. +It is in good order, but we shall require a little decoration and +painting here and there. You will be able to advise us how to get it +done well and quickly. When I say quickly I _mean_ quickly! Plenty of +men must be put on to begin the work and finish it in a few days' time, +not one or two who will drag on for weeks. You can get us an estimate +for time, as well as for cost." + +Mr Edwards bowed, murmured, and waved his hands. He looked overcome, +poor man, as well he might, for if one would-be client demanded his own +way, the other was obviously determined to have hers. Between the two +his path was not easy! I smiled at him ingratiatingly, just to help +things along, but he took little notice of me. Obviously, in Charmion's +company I did _not_ "take the eye!" + +On the way home I expressed sympathy for the disappointed Mr +Maplestone, but Charmion refused to agree. + +"I don't know the man, so his pleasures and disappointments don't enter +into my sphere. Promiscuous universal sympathy is too great a tax on +the nervous system. Why should I distress myself about a man I have +never seen?" + +"Not distress yourself exactly, but you might cast a kindly thought. He +will be disappointed, and the poor little agent will have a bad +half-hour." + +"Now you are asking sympathy for the agent, too! Evelyn, aren't you the +least little bit in the world inclined to wear your heart on your +sleeve?" + +"Charmion, aren't you the least little bit inclined to be hard?" + +She agreed with unflinching candour. + +"I am. It's the safer plan if one doesn't want to be hurt!" + +"But--what about the other people? Mayn't they be hurt instead?" + +She looked at me gravely for a moment, then with a smile which grew +gradually broad and roguish. + +"We ought to strike a happy mean between us, eh, Evelyn? You are all +credulity and gush, and I refuse to disturb myself about other people, +or their affairs." + +"That's not true! You disturbed yourself about me!" + +"Because it affected myself. I had grown fond of you, and so you +entered into my life. Pure selfishness, my dear!" + +"I don't believe it! I won't believe it! It's no good trying to +disillusion me, Charmion. I've put you on a topmost pinnacle, and it +would take a mighty effort to tumble you down!" + +"Dear thing!" murmured Charmion fondly. "Well--suppose we talk of the +drawing-room walls? I'm a great believer in occupying oneself with the +next step. Revelations of character will follow in due course--I plump +for white!" + +"White certainly. A warm cream white, with not a touch of blue in it. +And the prevailing colour?" + +"Let's count three quickly, and then each say what we think!" + +We counted, and the two words leapt crisply forth. + +"Rose!" said I. + +"Purple!" said Charmion. Then we looked at one another beneath puckered +brows. + +"Rose lights up better!" + +"Purple is more uncommon." + +"Rose is more cheerful in winter!" + +"Purple is restful in summer!" + +It seemed for a moment as if we had reached an _impasse_, then came an +illuminating thought. + +"Why not--both? They harmonise well. Purple curtains and carpet--the +plain colour, very soft and subdued, and cushions and shades of the +right rose. With our united treasures we ought to have a lovely room. +Where _are_ your things, Charmion?" + +"Stored," she said shortly. "I tried a house for a few months, but it +was too lonely an experience. But I have a passion for beautiful +furniture. It has amused me to pick up good specimens here and there. +Now we shall enjoy them together! Wait till you see my Spanish leather +screen!" + +"Wait till you see my Chinese cabinet!" I retorted, and we talked +"things" industriously for the next hour. + +After luncheon Charmion settled herself to write business letters, +drawing a big screen round her writing-table, the better, as she +informed me, to protect herself against my chatter. + +"You promise to be quiet, but in five minutes' time you begin again! +Now please to remember that to all intents and purposes I am in another +room, and that until I choose to come forth, I am dead to you and +everyone else! Do you understand? These letters positively must get +off to-night!" + +"Dear me! I don't want to talk! I shall be thankful to sit by the fire +and enjoy a quiet read," I said loftily, and promptly drew up an old +arm-chair, and buried myself in the book which I had bought to while +away the hours of my journey, and then left unread, because my own +affairs were at the moment so much more absorbing than those of a +fictitious heroine. Now that my mind was more at ease, I found the +story interesting enough, and had read on for about an hour with +undisturbed enjoyment, when suddenly the door was flung open, and a +voice announced:-- + +"Mr Maplestone!" + +I leapt up, putting up a hasty hand to smooth my ruffled hair. That was +the worst of having only one sitting-room! Visitors were hurled in upon +one without a moment's warning. Happy Charmion behind the screen! I +stared across the room and beheld a tall--very tall--thin man, with +short reddish hair and light blue, angry-looking eyes. He was dressed +in riding costume, which, so far as his figure went, became him +exceedingly well. He was probably somewhere about thirty-five, and one +glance at his tightly-set lips and firm square chin was enough to +demonstrate the truth of Mr Edwards' assertion that he was "a gentleman +who likes his own way". He had probably heard by now that for once he +was to be thwarted, and had come to tell me what he thought about it. +At this moment I forgot to be sorry for his disappointment in my +exceeding sympathy for myself! I glanced helplessly at the screen. + +"Mrs Fane, I believe." + +"I am Miss Wastneys. Mrs Fane is engaged. Perhaps it is something +that I--" + +He laid his hat and stick on the table. + +"May I have a few minutes' conversation? You will allow me to sit +down?" + +"Certainly." + +I pushed aside the easy-chair and seated myself on one of the six +"uprights" which were ranged about the room. It felt so much more +business-like and supporting. Mr Maplestone seated himself opposite to +me, and rested his hands on his knees. + +"I am told that you have some idea of renting a house called Pastimes, +near here!" + +"We have taken Pastimes. Mrs Fane and myself have this morning signed +the lease." + +He waved an impatient hand. + +"This morning! So I am told. Edwards has behaved very badly. I warned +him that things should not be hurried through." + +"They have not been hurried. It is several months since Mrs Fane first +saw the house, and three weeks since negotiations were opened a second +time." + +"I only heard this week that the house was vacant." + +"And should Mr Edwards"--(the innocent inquiry of my voice was growing +more and more marked)--"was it his duty to have told you?" + +His eyes sent out a flash. I could see the muscles of his hand clench +against his knee. I had scored a point, and his anger was +correspondingly increased. + +"Perhaps I had better explain," he began in a tone of elaborate +forbearance. "I live at Wembly. Most of the land between here and +there belongs to me. Pastimes happens to be outside the limit, and so +it escaped my memory. I have not been over it before. I did not know +the last tenants. For the last few weeks I have been looking for a +house for my friend--a member of the family who is returning from +abroad. Invalided!" + +He pronounced the last word with emphasis, staring fixedly at me the +while. I adapted my features to express polite commiseration. + +"It is natural that he should wish to live within driving distance of +his friends." + +"Oh, quite!" + +"The moment that I saw Pastimes I knew for a sure thing that it would be +just his house--" + +"I am sorry, but as he has not seen it, he can't be disappointed. There +must be other houses--" + +"I have already said I have been searching round for--the--last--three-- +weeks," Mr Maplestone repeated, in the carefully deliberate tone which +disguises irritation. "Nothing else will suit anything like so well." + +I murmured indefinitely, and glanced at the screen. Mentally I could +see Charmion leaning back in her chair, smiling her slow fine smile, +inquisitively waiting to see just how firm or how weak I could be. I +was not inclined to be weak. There was something in the personality of +this big domineering man which roused an imp of contradiction. We sat +silent, eyeing one another across the room. + +"I believe you and--er--Mrs Fane are strangers to this neighbourhood?" + +"Yes! That is so." + +"You have no--er--special link or attraction?" + +I saw the trap, and protested blandly. + +"Oh, yes! We are delighted with Pastimes. It exactly suits our +requirements." + +Mr Maplestone frowned, and fidgeted to and fro, then suddenly leant +forward, straightening his face into what was obviously intended to be a +smile. + +"Miss Wastneys! Will you forgive me if I am perfectly frank and honest, +and tell you exactly what is in my mind?" + +"Of course I will. I am sure," I declared mendaciously, "there can be +nothing to forgive!" + +He had the grace to look a trifle ashamed, but his resolution did not +waver. Not a bit! He looked straight in my eyes, and said +deliberately:-- + +"I want Pastimes! For the moment it has slipped through my fingers, but +a couple of hours cannot seriously affect your arrangements. On my +cousin's behalf I am anxious to take over the lease. It would be an act +of grace on your part if you would agree to this arrangement, and deal +with me as his representative!" + +The audacity of it! For a moment I was silent for sheer want of breath, +but I could feel the blood rushing into my cheeks, and knew that my eyes +were sending out flashes to meet his own. My appearance must have +prepared him for my answer before it came, uttered in a very calm, very +haughty, aggravatingly deliberate tone. + +"We are not in the habit of changing our plans in a couple of hours. +Pastimes suits us. It is unnecessary to look for another house. The +matter was decided this morning." + +"You understand that my cousin is an invalid, and that he has a special +reason for wishing to live in this neighbourhood?" + +"There are other houses. Pastimes is not the only one that is vacant." + +"It is the only one that is suitable," he repeated doggedly, and there +followed a silence during which he sat back in his chair, staring at me +with the light blue eyes, which of all eyes in the world can look at +once the coldest and the most angry. If he could have done what he +wanted at that moment, he would have taken me by the shoulders and +shaken me well. To have made up his mind that a thing must be, and to +find himself thwarted by a bit of a girl--it was unsupportable!--so +unsupportable, that even now he refused to believe it could be true. +Giving himself a little shake, like a dog who rouses himself to fresh +efforts, he again made that industrious attempt at a smile, and began +slowly:-- + +"I am afraid I have made a bad beginning! Please forgive me if I have +seemed discourteous. When we have talked things over quietly, I have no +doubt that we shall be able to reach a satisfactory agreement." + +"I'm afraid I can't see how that can be! There is only one Pastimes, so +one of us is bound to be disappointed!" + +He pounced on that as if scenting a hopeful weakness. + +"Exactly. Yes; but the disappointment would vary in intensity. That is +what I am anxious to point out. When Edwards told me that the tenant +was a lady I felt reassured, for it is a matter in which a woman's +kindliness and good heart--" + +My eyes roved to the screen. Charmion's ears were assuredly open at +this moment, straining to hear my reply. I raised my eyebrows, and said +frostily:-- + +"We are speaking of a business arrangement. I am afraid that is the +only light in which we can consider the matter. We shall honourably +fulfil our part of the agreement which we have signed." + +"You refuse to show any consideration for an invalid returning home-- +after many years?" + +"Not at all. If it is ever in our power, as neighbours, to show him any +kindness, we shall be eager to do all that is possible--short of giving +up our own house for his benefit. Would you do it yourself, Mr +Maplestone--for the sake of a stranger you had never seen?" + +He stood staring at me, his cheeks bulging with the moving lumps which +show that people are swallowing down words which they dare not allow +themselves to say. With the same air of elaborate patience which he had +shown before, he explained slowly:-- + +"My cousin has been stationed in India. In a border regiment. He has +served his country for thirty years. Now he has had a paralytic stroke, +and is making his way home by slow stages. A man who has worked and +suffered as he has done deserves a home, and the gratitude of his +fellow-countrymen." + +"There are two sides to every question, Mr Maplestone. If I chose to +go into details, I might convince you that Mrs Fane and I have our own +claims, which seem to us equally strong." + +He leapt from his seat, and advanced until he stood directly facing my +chair. + +"That finishes it! It is no use appealing to your feelings. Let us +make it pure business then! I offer you a hundred pounds down for the +reversion of the lease!" + +So it had come to this. Bribery undisguised! I lowered my eyelids, and +sat silent, an image of outraged dignity. + +"You refuse! It is not enough? Two hundred then! Three!" + +Still silence. But my listening ears caught a threatening rustle behind +the screen. + +"Three hundred! It is a good offer. You are not bound to this +neighbourhood. You can find other houses to suit you. Still not +enough? Name your own terms then. How much will you take?" + +"A million pounds!" + +The words leapt out of my mouth as it seemed of their own volition. I +was tired of this farcical bargaining, and determined to put an end to +it, once for all. I stood up and faced his blank stare of amazement, +without at least any outward shrinking. + +"Surely it is useless to prolong this bargaining. It is very unpleasant +and humiliating." + +Mr Maplestone set his square jaw. + +"You are only one partner to this transaction. Mrs Fane is probably +your senior. If I were to see her, she might be induced to name a +more--er--shall I say reasonable (oh, the cutting sarcasm of that tone!) +figure." + +"_Two_ millions." + +The high clear tone struck across the room. Mr Maplestone wheeled +round and beheld Charmion standing just outside the opening of the +screen, one hand raised to rest lightly on the curved wood coping. She +might have posed as a picture of graceful, imperturbed ease, so calm, so +smiling, so absolutely unflurried and detached in both manner and +bearing did she appear. Mr Maplestone looked at her and--this was a +curious thing--at one glance realised his defeat. All my efforts at +dignity and firmness had failed to convince him, but behind Charmion's +frail, essentially feminine exterior, those keen eyes had at once +detected that strain of inflexibility which I was only slowly beginning +to realise. + +It was hopeless to bandy words. The Squire knew as much, and turned to +the table to lift his hat and whip. He gave a short scornful laugh. + +"The terms seem a trifle--high! I am afraid I must retire from the +bidding. Pastimes is yours. I hope"--he looked from me to Charmion, +and his expression was not pleasant to see--"I hope you may not have +cause to repent your bargain!" + +We bowed. He bowed. The door opened and shut. Charmion looked at me +and shrugged her shoulders. + +"A declaration of war! We have begun our campaign by quarrelling with +the most `influential gentleman in these parts!' Things are getting +exciting, Evelyn!" + +I did not speak. Reaction had set in, and I felt a pang of remorse. I +did not want to quarrel with anyone, influential or uninfluential. I +was sorry I had been ungracious. I felt a pang of sympathy for the +poor, big, bad-tempered man riding homeward after his defeat. + +I wondered when and how we should meet him again. + + + +CHAPTER SIX. + +HUNTING THE FLAT. + +Leaving the workmen to carry out the necessary decorations at Pastimes, +Charmion and I adjourned to London to buy carpets and curtains, and a +score of necessary oddments. We found it a fascinating occupation, and +grew more and more complimentary to each other as each day passed by. + +"Charmion, you have exquisite taste! That's just the shade I had chosen +myself." + +"You have a perfect eye for colouring, Evelyn. I always know that your +choice will be exactly my own." + +Sometimes we saw the humour of these self-satisfied compliments, +sometimes we were so busy and engrossed that we accepted them +open-mouthed. I suppose in every mind personal preference is magnified +into the standard of perfection, and all the arguing in the world will +fail to convince A that he is--artistically speaking--colour-blind, or B +that her drawing-room is a bazaar of trumpery odds and ends! All the +more reason to be thankful that we agreed. We were convinced that our +taste was unique; but supposing for one moment that it was bad, we +should at least share a comfortable delusion! + +The oak entrance hall was to be ornamented with old delft. The curtains +and chair coverings were to be of the same shade of blue. The parquet +floor was to be supplied with rugs of warm Eastern colours. Exactly the +right shade of violet-purple had been found for the drawing-room, and I +should be ashamed to say how many shops we ransacked for the chair +coverings, until at last we found the identical pattern to satisfy our +demands. Certainly I should be ashamed to confess what we paid for the +piece. Charmion was appallingly extravagant! That was another +discovery which I had made in the last days. It seemed as if she found +a positive satisfaction in paying abnormal prices, not with the +purse-proud bombast of the _nouveau riche_, but rather with the almost +savage relief of a slave who shakes off a few links of a hated chain. I +was a little alarmed at the total to which our purchases amounted; but I +comforted myself with the thought, nothing new would be required for a +long, long time, and that, if I found my income running short, I could +always retire to my flat, and live on a figurative twopence under +Bridget's clever management. + +Charmion had heard all about the flat by this time, and had hurt my +feelings by treating the whole proposal as a ridiculous joke. She made +no attempt to dissuade me--had we not agreed never to interfere in each +other's doings?--but she laughed, and said, "Dear goose," and arched her +fine brows expressively as she asked how long a lease I proposed to +take, "Or, rather, I should say, how _short_?" + +Now I had myself inclined to a short lease with the option of staying +on, but opposition stiffened my back, and I there and then decided to go +and look at several possibilities which I had hitherto put aside as +impracticable because they had to be taken for a term of three to five +years. Bridget would go with me--dear, lawless, laughter-loving +Bridget, who entered into the play with refreshing zest. Bridget had +the real characteristic Irish faculty of looking upon life as an amusing +game, and the more novel and unorthodox the game was, the better she was +pleased. "Sure it's your own face! It's for you to do what you please +with it!" was the easy comment with which she accepted my proposed +disguise. She undertook to do most of the work of the flat without a +qualm, and shed an easy tear of emotion over the sorrows and +difficulties which it was to be my mission to reduce. "Oh, the poor +creatures! Will they be starving around us, Miss Evelyn, and the little +children crying out for bread?" + +"N-not exactly that," I explained. "I want to work among gentlefolk, +Bridget--poor gentlefolk, who suffer most of all, because they are too +proud to ask for help. But they will probably be short of time, and +service, and probably of strength, too, and when I get to know them, +they will let me help them in these ways, though they would not accept +my money--" + +Bridget looked sceptical. + +"I wouldn't put it past them!" + +I laughed, and dropped the subject. + +"Oh, well, time will show. Meantime you understand, don't you, Bridget, +that they are not _cheerful_ places that we are going to see? Cheerful +positions in London mean big rents, and I mean to live among people who +have to count every penny several times over, and try hard to make it +into a sixpenny bit. You and I will have sunshine and light at +Pastimes--you won't mind putting up with dullness for part of the year?" + +"What would be the good of minding? You'd go, whether or not, now you'd +got your head set!" returned Bridget bluntly. She added after a pause, +"And besides, we'll be getting our own way. I'm thinking we shall be +glad of the change. It's not as much as a thought of your own will be +left to you, with Mrs Fane by your side." + +"You are entirely wrong, Bridget, and it is not your place to make +remarks about Mrs Fane. Please don't let me hear you do it again." + +"Yes, ma'am," murmured Bridget, turning instantly from a friend into an +automaton, as was her custom on the rare occasions when I hardened +myself to find fault. The words were submissive enough, but her manner +announced that she had said her say, and would stick to it, though +Herself, poor thing, must be humoured when she took the high horse. As +usual, I retired from the conflict with a consciousness of coming off +second best! + +The next day I told Charmion that I was "engaged," and true to our +delightful agreement, she asked no questions, but quietly disappeared +into space. Then, with a ponderous feeling of running the blockade, I +put on wig and spectacles and the venerable costume which had been +provided for the occasion. Appropriately enough, it had originally +belonged to an aunt--Aunt Eliza, to wit--who had handed it to me in its +mellowed age, to be bequeathed to one of my many _protegees_. It was +brown in colour--I detest brown, and it cordially detests me in return-- +and by way of further offence the material was roughened and displayed a +mottled check. The cut was that of a country tailor, the coat +accentuating the curve of Aunt Eliza's back, while the skirt showed a +persistent tendency to sag at the back. When I fastened the last button +of the horror and surveyed myself in the glass, I chuckled sardonically +at the remembrance of heroines of fiction whose exquisite grace of +outline refused to be concealed by the roughest of country garments. +Certainly my grace did not survive the ordeal. What good looks I +possessed suffered a serious eclipse even before wig and spectacles went +on, and as a crowning horror, a venerable "boat-shaped" hat (another +relic of Aunt Eliza) and a draggled chenille veil. + +Bridget was hysterical with enjoyment over the whole abject effect, but +I descended the stairs and passed through the great hall of the hotel +with a miserable feeling of running the blockade. Suppose I met anyone! +Suppose anyone _knew_ me! Suppose--I flushed miserably at the +thought--Charmion herself was discovered sitting in the hall, and raised +her lorgnon to quiz me as I passed by! + +I need not have troubled. Not a soul blinked an eye in my direction. +If by chance a wandering glance met mine, it stared past and through me +as though I were impalpable as a ghost. My disguise was a success in +one important respect at least--there was no longer anything conspicuous +about me; I was just a humble member of society, one of the throng of +dun-coloured, ordinary-looking females, who may be seen by the thousand +in every thoroughfare in the land, but who, as a matter of fact, are not +seen at all, because no one troubles to look. By Bridget's side I +passed through the streets of London as through a desert waste. + +Half an hour's journey by tube brought us to the first of the flats on +my list. It was also the first specimen of its kind which Irish Bridget +had ever seen, and the shock was severe. I found myself in the painful +position of expecting "a decent body" to live in a kitchen two yards +square, with a coal "shed" under the table on which she was supposed to +cook, and to sleep in a cupboard, screened in merciful darkness, since, +when the electric light was turned on, the vista seen through the grimy +panes was so inimitably depressing that one's only longing was to turn +it off forthwith! + +"Preserve us! Indeed, if it was to die in it we were trying, it would +be easy enough, but I'm thinking we'd make a poor show of living, Miss +Evelyn! And used to the best as we are, too," said poor Bridget +dolefully. + +I sprang a good ten pounds in rent at the sound of her pitiful voice, +and ran my pencil through every address below that figure. + +Ten separate flats did we visit in the course of that day, and it was a +proof of what Aunt Emmeline would call my stubbornness that I came +through the ordeal without wavering. Regardless of Bridget's appealing +eyes, I led the way forward, always affecting a buoyant hope that our +next visit would be successful, while mentally I was holding a Jekyll +and Hyde argument with my inner self, as follows:-- + +"Impossible to live in such warrens!" + +"_Other people_ manage to live in them all the year round!" + +"But, as Bridget says, I have been used to the best." + +"Quite time, then, that you take your share of the worst!" + +"My health might suffer--" + +"You have a good chance to recruit." + +"I might lose my looks--" + +"Disagreeable--but the world would go on, even if you did. +Incidentally, you might improve the looks of other women!" + +"It would be awfully dull!" + +"At first--yes! Not when you get into stride. Helping other people is +the most exhilarating of tonics." + +"I have never lived in a town. I should feel cramped, prisoned, stifled +for air." + +"But think how you would feel when the day came to return to Pastimes! +Wouldn't that first hour in the garden be glorious enough to repay you +for all the exile?" + +Bridget's wheedling voice broke in on my argument:-- + +"Miss Evelyn, dear, I've been thinking--wouldn't it be a duty-like, to +be having a bit of sun? Seems like we could wrestle along a bit better +if we faced the right way!" + +Poor dear! Above all the drawbacks, it was the darkness of the +interiors of those small flats which most perplexed the good +countrywoman: the passages lighted only through the ground glass panels +of bedroom doors; the windows shadowed by walls of other buildings, +which towered up at but a few yards' distance; the kitchens staring +blankly into a "well," ornamented with the suggestive spirals of a +fire-escape. + +"If we could maybe face somewhere where there was a bit of green!" +pleaded the eloquent Irish voice. "Sure the leddies and gentlemen you +are meaning to help--you'll be more likely to find them in the place +you'd choose yourself, if you were settling in earnest?" Bridget rolled +an eye at blocks E, F, and G of a colossal pile of buildings which +stretched their inky length over the two blocks of a narrow +thoroughfare. "Cast your eye over them window curtains!" said she +scathingly. "Ye can tell what's inside without troubling to look. A +dirty, idle set that will sponge on you, and laugh behind your back!" + +I looked, and shuddered, and was thankfully convinced. In my efforts +not to aim too high, my standard had fallen impossibly low, and +Bridget's keen common sense had been right in prophesying that I was +more likely to find a congenial type of people in a neighbourhood which +appealed to my own taste. + +No sooner said than done! I escorted Bridget to a restaurant, and fed +her and myself with lots of good hot food, and then straightway hired a +taxi, and drove back to the agents to demand addresses of flats a little +further afield, which should have at least a modicum of light and air. + +It appeared that I had demanded the thing above all others for which +tens of thousands of other women were already clamouring! + +"Everybody wants a cheap flat in an open and airy situation. For one +that is to let we have a hundred applicants. Of course, if you are +prepared to pay a long price--" + +"But I am not." + +"Quite so. Otherwise I have some fine sites in Campden Hill. Lift. +Central heating. Every convenience." + +"Seventy pounds is the utmost--" + +"Quite so. Then we must rule out Campden Hill, or Hampstead, or +Kensington." The agent switched over the leaves of his book, ran his +finger down a list, and hesitated, frowning. "There is _one_ vacancy +which might suit--a small block of flats on the borders of Hammersmith. +The postal address is Kensington. I don't know if you are particular as +to address?" + +"Not a bit." + +"Ah!" The agent evidently thought small beer of me for the admission. +"Most ladies are. In this case we can ask an extra five pounds a year +because of the Kensington address, and the class of tenants is much +better than in the adjoining blocks a few hundred yards off, where the +postal address is Hammersmith." + +Bridget coughed in an impressive fashion which was intended to say, +"Better class! Hark to that now! That's the place for us!" As for me, +I was torn between amusement at the rank snobbery of it all, and a +tender pity for the pathos that lay behind! Poor strugglers, clinging +on to the fringe of society, squeezing out the extra pounds so badly +needed for necessities, for--what? The satisfaction of seeing a certain +word written on an envelope, or of impressing a shop assistant with its +sound. In some cases no doubt there were deeper reasons than +snobbishness, and it was thought of them which supplied the pathos. +Some careworn men and women had weighed that extra rent in the balance, +and had considered that it was "worth while," since a good address might +prove an asset in the difficult fight for existence, or perchance some +loved one far away had vicariously suffered in past privations, and +might be deluded into believing in a false prosperity by the +high-sounding address. My ready imagination pictured the image of an +invalid mother contentedly informing her neighbours: "My daughter has +moved to Kensington. Yes! Such a charming neighbourhood. The gardens, +you know. _And_ the royal palace!" Five pounds a year might be +worthily expended on such a gain as this! + +Well, there seemed nothing for it but to prospect Weltham Mansions at +once, so we chartered yet another taxi, and hurried off without delay to +have daylight for our inspection. We drove for miles, through streets +at first wide and handsome, then growing ever dingier and more +"decayed". Is there anything in the world more depressing than a +third-rate English suburb? I can imagine being poor contentedly in +almost every other land--in India, for instance, I know of impecunious +couples who have lived in two tents beneath two mango trees with comfort +and enjoyment, but it takes a super Mark Tapley to enjoy poverty in +London! + +We had left the gardens a long way behind before at long last we reached +a block of dull red buildings, the various doorways of which were +decorated with different letters and numbers. A 1 to 40--C 41 to 80--D +81 to 120--etcetera, etcetera. The windows were flat, giving a +prison-like effect to the exterior, and I was just saying devoutly to +myself, "Thank goodness, _that's_ not--" when the taxi stopped, and my +eyes caught the fateful letters carved on a dull grey stone! + +It _was_ Weltham Mansions, and there were two flats to be let. The +porter produced the keys and led us up, up, endless flights of stairs to +a crow's nest near the roof, and then down, down again to what was +described as the "sub-basement," which, being interpreted, meant that +the level of the rooms was a few feet beneath that of the road. Now I +had always set my affections on a basement flat, chiefly--let me +confess--because the sound of it appealed to my ears as so suitable and +appropriate to my new role. Also, to be able to walk in and out, +without mounting the stairs, minimised the risk of discovery, which was +no light point under the circumstances, but it was a distinct surprise +to find that the flat itself appealed to me more than any which I had +yet seen. Why? Not because of the rooms themselves, for they were +ordinary and prosaic enough, but because the bank which sloped from the +floor of the area to the street railings was of _grass_, +closely-growing, well-conditioned grass, broken here and there by tiny, +sprouting leaves of--yes! extraordinary as it seems, there could be no +doubt about it, for both Bridget and I recognised them in one lightning +glance--_primroses_! Some former tenant who loved the country had +planted those roots in a hopeful mood, and they had taken hold, and +grown, and multiplied. When spring came the owner of that basement flat +would have a primrose bank between herself and the world outside those +high railings. She had also a strip of cement area in which she could +place tubs filled with soil which would provide blossom for later days. +The exposure was south, and the railings were high, so that the tiny +garden would be assured of sun and security. The soot would fall, and +the dust lie thick, but there would be colour and life, and on the air +faint wafts of perfume. + +We went back to the porter's room to hear the particulars of the lease, +and on my way I stopped to read the list of names printed on little +slides on a mahogany board. There were forty in all, and they were as +illuminating as such names usually are, when suddenly, three parts down +the list, I came upon one which made my heart leap into my mouth. I +stood reading the few words over and over, actually _spelling_ the +letters in my incredulous surprise, but there it was; there was no doubt +about it--the words plainly printed for every one to see-- + +"Number 32. Mr Wenham Thorold." + +Well, talk about fate! There are some circumstances under which one +realises at once that it is useless to struggle. This was one! I +turned to the porter with an air of resignation. + +"I will take the flat. Please prepare the necessary papers, and send +them to me to sign." Then I gave him my new name. After due +deliberation I had determined to be "Miss Mary Harding," as Wastneys is +unusual, and might draw undesirable attention. Miss Mary Harding, of a +basement flat! + + + +CHAPTER SEVEN. + +HOSTILITIES? + +Our removal into Pastimes--like every other removal since the time when +man began to live beneath a roof--took far longer than we expected. I +went back to Ireland to gather my possessions, and say good-bye, and +Charmion stayed in London to hurry up tradesmen, and make uninteresting +purchases of pots and pans, and dusters and door scrapers, and the other +needfuls which every house must have, but which are so dull to buy. + +When I joined her in the hotel, I found her in a state of haughty +displeasure over the extraordinary delay which was attending the work at +Pastimes itself. In another person this state of mind would have found +vent in "fuming," but Charmion never fumed. She folded her hands, and +drooped her white lids, and drawled in a tone of incredulous disgust:-- + +"I can't understand it. I _told_ them to be quick. I expressly +stipulated that they were not to potter." + +"Apparently they are not even `pottering'! They have not begun at all!" +I said grimly, as I ran my eye down the letter just received from the +"man in charge". It was the ordinary, ultra-polite, ultra-servile +production of the tradesman who has _not_ kept his word. + +"Dear Madam,--Owing to a press of other work, I regret that I have not +been able to commence--" + +"Commence! Odious word. It is adding insult to injury to use it. And +what can he mean? He seemed so keen about the order. Said he was so +slack that he would be able to put on all his hands!" + +"I shall write and tell him to do so at once," said Charmion +magnificently, and I held my peace and let her do it, knowing that it +would be no use to object, and hoping that at least her letter might +succeed in extracting some more definite information. + +It did! This was it:-- + +"Madam,--I beg to inform you that Mr Maplestone having rented the house +known as `Uplands,' on behalf of General Underwood, and placed urgent +orders with us for its re-decoration, we are regretfully compelled to +delay operations at Pastimes for some weeks. We are making all possible +speed with the present contract, and beg to assure you that your work +shall then be finished with all despatch. + +"We have the honour to remain, etcetera." + +Charmion and I looked at one another, and looked, and looked, and +looked. We were both thinking hard--thinking backward, thinking ahead. +Exactly what we thought neither of us put into words; we just sat +silently and stared, until presently Charmion rose, marched over to her +writing-table, and scribbled a few words on a telegram form. Then she +held it out for me to read:-- + +"Order for decorations at Pastimes cancelled herewith." + +"Do you approve?" + +"Er--oh, yes, of course--I suppose so. But how shall we--" + +"That's easily arranged. Any town firm will be glad of the order. It +will be more expensive, but will probably be better done. In any case +we have no choice." + +"It's such a tiny village. Where could the men sleep?" + +"I haven't the slightest idea. That is their business, not mine. We +shan't have any difficulty about that," Charmion declared, and she was +right, for the West End firm who received our instructions waved aside +the question with smiling assurance. They were accustomed to sending +workmen all over the country. To the loneliest places. All could be +easily arranged. We were left with the impression that if it had been +our pleasure to pitch our tent in the Sahara, the frock-coated manager +would have executed our wishes with equal ease. So far, so good; but as +we left the shop Charmion turned to me, and said darkly:-- + +"I think, under the circumstances, it might be wise to change our minds +about employing country maids, and to engage London ones instead." + +"You are afraid--" + +"I am afraid of nothing, but I think it probable that the local girls +who wrote to us about situations may now be `urgently' bespoken for +service at Uplands." + +"Well, he will need servants," I said feebly, and fell to thinking of +Uplands itself, and of how unfortunate it seemed that General Underwood +should be settling so near ourselves. We had noticed the house, indeed, +we could not fail to do so, as it lay a quarter of a mile along the high +road from Pastimes, on the direct route from Escott, which was Mr +Maplestone's village. It was a handsome-looking house, but painfully +prosaic, built of grey stone, unsoftened by creepers, and showing a row +of windows flat and narrow, and extraordinarily high. One could just +imagine the rooms, like so many boxes, and the hall flag-tiled, and the +house full of draughts, for the windows of the principal living-rooms +faced perversely towards the north. I hoped the poor General would +instal a heating system and a generous supply of rugs; but what chiefly +concerned me at the moment was the thought that every time--every single +time--that cross, red-headed man came over to visit his relative, he +must pass our door! + +My imagination immediately conjured up half a dozen irritating +encounters. Evelyn returning home on a wet day, bedraggled, _not_ at +her best, toiling along the wet lane, and being splashed with mud by the +wheels of a giant car, from the cushioned seat of which the Squire and +his wife regarded her with lofty disdain. There _was_ a Mrs +Maplestone, and I had drawn a mental picture of her, which I felt sure +was true to life. Small, meek, rather pretty, with big brown eyes which +held a chronic expression of being rather frightened by what had just +gone before, and exceedingly anxious as to what should come next. She +would probably wear handsome furs, and a hat three seasons old. + +Encounter number two represented Evelyn in her best hat and coat, +feeling rather spry and pleased with herself, until presently, clinketty +clank, round the bend of the road came the quick, staccato beat of +horses' hoofs. Mr and Mrs Maplestone cantering past in hunting kit, +which at one glimpse killed complacency and substituted disgust for the +poor fripperies of town. + +Encounter number three was most obnoxious of all. It represented Evelyn +_solus_ encountering Mr Maplestone _solus_ and on foot. Approaching +him on the unsheltered road, torn by the problem, "Will he bow? Shall +_I_ bow? Will he pretend? Shall I pretend?" moving nearer and nearer, +and in a final moment of discomfort meeting the stare of blank, angry +eyes. Poor man! It must be exhausting to have such a violent temper. +I wondered what he looked like when by chance he was happy and pleased! + +The West End firm got through their work in record time, and at the end +of three weeks Charmion and I took possession, and set to work at the +task of putting our house in order. Every woman delights in this work +in _prospect_; in reality, every one comes full tilt against a score of +irritating, aggravating _contretemps_ which baulk her carefully-laid +schemes. + +Our _contretemps_ appeared in a very usual form. The cook and gardener, +who had been definitely engaged to meet us on our arrival, and whom we +had, therefore, not replaced in town, sent missives instead, to "hope +they didn't inconvenience, but they had changed their minds". The two +town servants who _had_ arrived were immediately plunged into woe, and, +looking into their set, dour faces, one could _hear_ the inward thought, +"Don't believe anyone ever _was_ engaged! Just one of their tricks to +get us down here to do the work alone." We left them sitting like +monuments of woe in the kitchen, and shut ourselves up in the +drawing-room to consult. + +"Uplands, I conclude," said Charmion coldly. + +"Oh, no! I don't believe it. He wouldn't condescend to _that_!" + +"Why not? He stopped the work in the house." + +"That was different! After all, he _is_ the Squire, and when it was a +case of inconveniencing him, or a stranger--a local tradesman could +hardly be expected to put us first. At least, you can _understand_ his +position." + +"Does the same argument apply to local domestics?" + +"It might do; but I don't believe it was used. To give a tradesman an +order for now or never, and to--to stoop to bribe a servant to break an +engagement--surely they are two different things! I do _not_ believe +Mr Maplestone would do it!" + +"Well!--we shall see. In the meantime, what about dinner?" + +I went back to the kitchen and talked to the Londoners, smiling +radiantly the while. I said it was upsetting, but we must expect +upsets. No one ever settled into a new house without one. I said there +would be no difficulty in getting another cook--we would telegraph for +one to-morrow; in the meantime we would just picnic, and do the best we +could. I looked from one sulky face to another, and asked +confidently:-- + +"Now, which of you is the better cook?" + +The parlour-maid said she was a parlour-maid. She had never been +_asked_ to cook. She could make tea. + +I said, "Thank you!" and turned to the housemaid. + +The housemaid said she was a housemaid, and didn't understand stoves. +She had always lived where kitchen-maids were kept. + +I said calmly, "Oh, well, it's fortunate that I am a woman, and can cook +for the lot of you until help comes. Perhaps you will kindly bring tea +into the hall, and then get your own as quickly as possible. I shall +require the kitchen by six o'clock." + +They were horribly discomposed, and I left them murmuring vaguely in +protest, very pleased with myself and my fine womanly attitude, though +at the bottom of my heart I knew quite well that Bridget would come to +the rescue, and never a saucepan should I be allowed to touch. + +As a matter of fact the good soul descended on the slackers like a +whirlwind, and the while she drove them before her, treated them to an +eloquent lecture upon the future sufferings, privations, rebellions, and +retaliations of the prospective husbands of females who had grown to +woman's estate, and yet could not cook a meal. Through the green baize +door I could hear the continuous torrent of invective, broken at first +by protest, later on by soft exclamations of surprise, and finally--oh, +the relief of that moment!--by an uncontrollable explosion of laughter. +The Cockney mind is keenly alive to humour, and when a racy Irishwoman +gets fairly started on a favourite subject, the delicious contradictions +of her denunciations are hard to beat! That laughter saved the +situation, and the domestic wheels began to move. + +Charmion wrote to an emergency lady in town. I didn't see the letter, +but I diagnosed its tone. Peremptory and--lavish! Wages no object, but +speed essential, or words to that effect. Anyway, in two days' time a +married couple arrived, were pleased to approve of us, and settled down +with the air of coming to stay. She was an excellent cook, and he +seemed a rather indifferent gardener, which just suited our views. If +gardeners are experts they want their own way, insist on bedding-out, +carpet-beds, and similar atrocities. We meant to run our garden on +different lines! + +Hurrah! I am so relieved. The truants have _not_ gone to Uplands. I +met the cook in the village to-day, recognised her, and tackled her to +her face. She flushed and wriggled, looked uncomfortable, but not as +penitent as I should have liked to have seen. + +"Was it necessary to wait until we had actually arrived, before letting +us know that you had changed your mind?" + +She stood on one foot, and drew circles on the road with the other. + +"Didn't decide myself till just the last minute." + +"You hadn't taken another place then? I understood from your note--" + +"I'm staying on with my mother. I may go to a lady at Guildford." + +Silence. One department of my brain felt an immense relief, the other +an immense exasperation. + +"Then you were free all the time! Doesn't it strike you as wrong and +dishonourable to show such a want of concern for other people's +convenience?" + +She muttered. I caught the sound of a few words--"_I'm not the Only +One_!" and put on my most dignified air. + +"However, it is all for the best. You certainly would not have suited +us. I hope for your own sake you will learn to keep your word." + +I walked on, nose in the air, aggressively complacent in appearance, but +those words rankled! + +"_Not the only one_!" Now what did she mean by that? Obviously the +insinuation was meant to go home, but how and where had we been to +blame? Not in our treatment of the woman herself. We had offered good +wages, and to pay for the time she had been kept waiting; yet something +had happened which had made her willing to lose money and time, and that +something was not another place! I felt puzzled, and, at the bottom of +my heart, _worried_ about it all! + +Later on I paid my first visit to the little draper's shop, and ran the +fire of a universal scrutiny from the staff. The "young ladies" knew +who I was, and were devoured by curiosity, but it was not a friendly +curiosity! Instead of the eager smiles which usually greet a new +customer, there was a pursed-up gravity, a stolid attention to business, +which was decidedly blighting. At home in Ireland every tradesman was +more or less a friend, and what they did not know of Kathie's affairs +and mine was not worth hearing. + +"Pastimes, I believe!" said the sales-woman with the pasty face, when I +directed the parcel to be sent home. Was it fancy which read a note of +reproach in her intonation? + +Coming home, I met General Underwood in a bath-chair, being pushed along +by a man in livery. He has white hair and a yellow face. He looks +tired and ill, and lonely and sad. I'm sure he hates the bath-chair, +and fights horribly with his doctor, who insists on fresh air. He +rolled his tired eyes at me as I passed, and said something in a low +voice to his attendant. I was misguided enough to turn my head, and +behold! the Bath-chair was tilted round so that he might look after +_me_. The man knew me by sight, and was laying bare the whole horrible +truth. + +"That's her, sir! The lady from Pastimes!" I felt ruffled, and went +straight into my "sulky," where I stayed till lunch-time. We had a +delicious _souffle_, and Charmion asked no questions, and went out of +the way to be particularly sweet. I felt better every moment, and by +the time coffee arrived had quite recovered my spirits. + +If the General _had_ lived in Pastimes, he would have had to use the +bath-chair just the same, and his hair would have been quite as white! +Pastimes could not have made him young! Charmion is right. I wear my +heart on my sleeve. I must learn to be more callous and matter-of-fact! + + + +CHAPTER EIGHT. + +THE VICARAGE CALLS. + +On Sunday we went to the Parish Church. At breakfast, Charmion seemed +silent and depressed; but, true to our agreement, I asked no questions, +and she volunteered no explanation. She said she was not going to +church, but later on she changed her mind. I think she saw that I was +disappointed, and a trifle shy at going alone, so off we went together-- +Charmion a marvel of unobtrusive elegance in grey, and I "taking the +eye" in sapphire-blue--along the breezy lane, past the closed gates of +Uplands, through the shuttered High Street into the tiny square, in a +corner of which the church was nooked, with the vicarage garden +adjoining the churchyard. + +The congregation was assembling from different parts, and everybody who +passed stared at us, the men stolidly enough, the women with a curiosity +which, to my mind at least, had something antagonistic in its nature. +Their pursed lips, their sidelong glances, reminded me of the assistants +in the draper's shop; of the cook who muttered that she was not "the +only one". I looked at Charmion to see if she felt the atmosphere, but +her eyes held the blank, far-off expression which marked her dark hours. +She had no attention to spare for village worthies: nothing that they +could do or think was of sufficient importance to arouse her attention. +Inside, the church was bare and uninteresting, and the musical service +poor, but the Vicar himself attracted me greatly. A plain-looking man +nearing forty, but with a most expressive and eloquent voice. He read +the service exquisitely--so exquisitely, that words which one knew by +heart seemed suddenly filled with new meaning. When the time came for +the sermon I expected great things. It seemed to me that the man who +could so wonderfully interpret the words of others, must be endued with +the gift of eloquence for himself. I even braced myself for a mental +effort, in case his argument should soar above my head. And then--a +child could have followed him! It was absolutely the simplest, +plainest, and most intimate address which I had ever heard from a church +pulpit. Incidentally, it was also the shortest! + +It was ten minutes to twelve o'clock when he folded his arms on top of +the open Bible, and leant forward for a long, silent moment, looking +earnestly from side to side into the upturned faces of his hearers. +Then he began to talk--to _talk_, not to preach, speaking every word +with an inflection of the truest sincerity. The text was "Forgetting +the things that are behind, I press towards the mark," and the "talk" +ran pretty much like this:-- + +"How has this week gone with you, Brothers and Sisters? To some it has +brought success, to others failure. Bad weather, bad temper, lost +control, a host of tiny troubles have sprung upon us unprepared; have +worked their will, and left us discouraged and weak. Thank God for +beginnings! New years, new months, new weeks--after every twenty-four +hours, a new day, with the sun rising over a new world! Last week is +dead. All the grieving in the world cannot revive it into life. Bury +it! Remember only the lessons it has taught. Forget the things that +lie behind. _Press forward_! This week is alive. This week brings +opportunity. Live! Work! Pray! With God's grace make it the best, +the truest, the kindliest week you have ever lived." + +The clock struck twelve, and the sermon was over. A bare ten minutes, +but if he had preached for an hour on end he could not have added to its +effect. The congregation listened in tense silence, as though afraid of +losing a word. One _felt_ the electric thrill of hope and courage and +high resolve which, flooded their hearts; felt it oneself; went out from +the church braced in heart and soul. + +I want to know more of that man. He could help one along. + +I have got my wish. He called with his wife this afternoon--the first +callers since we arrived. They were shown into the drawing-room, where +Charmion and I were lolling over our tea. There was fruit on the table, +besides a selection of cakes from town, and as we had been gardening in +the earlier part of the afternoon, and got thoroughly grubby and untidy, +we had changed into the tea-gowns which we wear in the evening when we +are too lazy to put on more elaborate clothes. They are very nice +tea-gowns, and, though I say so who shouldn't, we look exceedingly nice +in them, but to the eye of a hard-working country clergyman the whole +interior may have looked _too_ luxurious to be approved! His face +looked very grave as he shook hands. + +Mrs Merrivale is a surprise. The Vicar figures on the church board as +the Reverend John C. Merrivale, but she has her cards printed, "Mrs J. +Courtney Merrivale," and she calls him "Jacky" in public. She is very +young--twenty-two or three at the most--and has a very long neck and a +pretty little face, with huge pale-blue eyes, and a minute mouth with +coral-pink lips. She is dressed in cheap clothes made in the latest +fashion, and she asks questions all the time, and doesn't wait for an +answer. When you tell her a definite fact, such as that you have been +planting tulips in the garden, she says, "Not really!" or as a change, +"Fancy!" or "Just think!" _He adores her_. Every time he meets her +eyes, his grave, strong face softens and glows in a way which makes one +feel inclined to cry. Lonely women feel so _very_ lonely at such +moments as these! She contradicts him over the most futile things, and +says, "No, Jacky, it was three o'clock, not four; I was just getting up +from my rest," and he smiles, and doesn't mind a bit. + +They had tea, but refused fruit, with an air of being rather outraged by +the offer. Mrs Merrivale surreptitiously studied the details of +Charmion's tea-gown, and the Vicar and I laboured assiduously at +conversation. I had liked him so much on Sunday, and had hoped he would +be a real friend; but--things didn't go! I had a miserable feeling that +he had paid the call as a matter of duty, that he disapproved of us, +that he dreaded our influence on his precious little goose of a wife. +There was certainly a restraint in his manner. _Everybody_ seemed +restrained in this funny little place. I wonder if it was something in +the air! + +Having made mental notes concerning the tea-gown, Mrs Merrivale next +turned her attention to the room, and stared around with frank curiosity +and a barely concealed envy. + +"Your room looks so pretty. Jacky, that's exactly the material I wanted +for our curtains. You have beautiful china. I'm collecting, too; +but"--she gave an expressive shrug. "Of course, this room lends itself; +it is so big, and get's _all_ the sun. You remember, Jacky"--she looked +at her husband with widened eyes--"Mr Maplestone called it a `Sun +Trap'." + +It seemed an innocent enough remark, but the Vicar's grave assent +implied a deeper meaning. Mrs Merrivale sighed, and elaborately +lengthened her chin. + +"Uplands is so _bleak_. General Underwood feels the cold so much. All +the windows of the entertaining rooms seem to look the wrong way." + +"He should have some more put in, facing the sun," Charmion suggested in +her regal way, and Mrs Merrivale looked as much aghast as if she had +suggested pulling down the whole house and building it afresh. I burst +hastily into the conversation. + +"I think I met General Underwood the other day. In a bath-chair. I was +glad that he was well enough to get out. I hope he will soon be quite +well." + +The Vicar said gravely:-- + +"He will never be well. The most that can be hoped is that he will not +grow worse rapidly. He is a fine man, and has done good service. We +are proud to have him back amongst us, but I am afraid, for his own +sake, it has been a bad move. He ought to have settled in a kindlier +climate." + +"Yes, but--" Mrs Merrivale began impulsively, and pulled herself up, +and bit her red lip. "Jacky," she said hurriedly, "I'm afraid we must +go." + +They went, and I felt a worm. It was plain to me now that the parish in +general, from the Vicar downward, had absorbed the idea that the strange +ladies at Pastimes had played a mean trick on their local hero, and were +not inclined to smile upon the ladies in consequence. The Vicar had +probably heard the Squire's prejudiced story direct, and from the Manor +House and the Vicarage reports had percolated, as such reports _will_ +percolate, to the draper's assistants, and the man in the street, down +and down to the truant cook herself. + +Now the feudal feeling still lingers in English villages, and no +self-respecting tenant chooses to range herself against the Squire. The +cook's mother, no doubt, lived in a cottage owned by the Squire, and +enjoyed perquisites of various sorts which she had no disposition to +throw away. Beside the kitchen fire there had, no doubt, been a lengthy +conference over that rumour, and the mother had said, "Don't you do it, +Mary Jane. If the ladies are across with the Squire, how'll he take it +if he hears my daughter's in their service? And half a dozen people +with their eyes on this cottage as it is. A nice thing it would be for +me if I got notice to quit!" The gardener's mother had probably +presented the same argument to him, and the good people who had eyed us +askance on Sunday morning were probably reflecting to themselves, "They +_look_ all right, but you never know! There was evidently something +_very_ unpleasant about that lease. Poor General Underwood, too. Well, +we won't be in a hurry to call. We will just wait and see!" + +I felt horribly depressed, and somehow Charmion's utter indifference +made me feel worse. I do love to be liked; it would poison me to live +in an atmosphere of prejudice and suspicion, but she doesn't appear to +care. I have a curious conviction that to be socially ostracised would +be just what she would prefer. Books, the garden, my companionship-- +these would supply her need. New claims would be rather a bore. + +I am not made like that. I need more. I feel horribly depressed. + +Charmion saw it, and spoke out before we went to bed. + +"You are worrying, Evelyn. That disagreeable autocrat has succeeded in +prejudicing our neighbours against us, and it hurts you. Well, nothing +is irrevocable. Say the word, and we will leave the house to-morrow, +and put up a bill--to let!" + +I jumped nearly out of my skin, with horror and amazement. + +"Never! Not for the world. My pride wouldn't let me even if I wanted +to do it, and I don't--I don't! I love the house and the life with you +even more than I expected, it's only that I'm sorry about. I _do_ like +to live at peace with all men. Doesn't it worry you, Charmion, to feel +yourself unjustly accused?" + +"It would have done once. At your age. Since then"--her eyes took the +blank, far-away look which always attended even the faintest allusion to +the past--"since then I have lost the power of caring. When one has +borne the one big hurt, the gnats have no power to sting." + +I looked up eagerly, but she rose from her seat, pressing one hand +gently over my eyes. + +"No! Don't ask me! You have been very sweet, very forbearing. One +great reason why my heart went out to you, Evelyn, was that you never +questioned, never tried to probe. Go on being patient! Some day you +shall know. I should like to tell you now, but I can't, I can't! You +must wait. Some day the impulse will come, then it may be a relief. +Till then, Evelyn, you must wait!" + + + +CHAPTER NINE. + +AN ENCOUNTER IN FORCE. + +It is three months since we came to Pastimes, and until last week the +days have slipped by happily and peacefully enough, but without any +happenings worthy of record. We returned the Vicar's call, and were +asked to tea to meet ourselves, when Mrs Merrivale took the opportunity +to ask me the address of my dressmaker! Two staid dames, who lived in +small villa residences, left cards at the door, an attention which we +duly returned in kind. The important people in the neighbourhood have +left us severely alone, whirling past our gates to pay assiduous calls +on General Underwood. He is the local hero, and we are the hard-hearted +strangers who did _Something_--nobody knows precisely _what_--but +_Something_ mean, and underhand, and altogether unwomanly about a lease, +and so forced the poor dear General to endure draughts and cold rooms, +and seriously retarded his progress towards health! It's no use +pretending that I am not sorry about it, for I _am_; but all the same, +they have been happy months. Charmion has seemed so much brighter and +more contented, and that itself means much to me, and we have been as +happy as bees in our beloved garden, bullying our one man into preparing +what he considers absolutely mad effects, and working with him to keep +him up to the mark. We have flagged one path, and turfed over another, +raised some beds, and sunk others, and contrived a really glorious +hot-weather arbour, a good six yards in diameter, and open on three +sides, to secure plenty of fresh air and an absence of flies. + +Charmion has hardly gone out of the gate, except to church on Sundays, +but I take a constitutional every day, and scour the country-side. + +My first encounter with the Squire came off about the third week we were +here, and my imaginings were wrong in all but two unimportant points. +Mrs Maplestone wears voluminous sables and clothes of antique cut; but +they look quite charming and appropriate, for--she is antique herself! + +She is the Squire's mother, not his wife. He hasn't got a wife; never +has had one, and never will. Hates all women and their ways. Avoids +feminine society, and has never been known to pay a girl five minutes' +attention in his life! Such is the village verdict as repeated to me +through Bridget, who has a _flair_ for gossip, and is one of those +wonderful people who cannot walk half a mile along a solitary country +lane, without hearing, or seeing, or mentally absorbing some interesting +item about the lives of her fellow-creatures! + +Every night when she brushes my hair she recounts these items to me, and +I pretend to be uninterested, and listen with all my ears. + +In any case, Mr Maplestone seems very kind and attentive to his mother. +I met them (as fancy painted!) when I was coming home from a trudge +along the damp lanes, and was looking considerably blown and +dishevelled. They were getting out of their car just outside the gates +of Uplands--a most malapropos position!--but without the least +hesitation he lifted his hat, and bowed, so that I was spared the +troubled uncertainty which I had imagined. + +I can't say he looked _amiable_, but at least he was polite, and I was +so relieved that I bowed back with quite a broad smile. Mrs Maplestone +looked at me more in sorrow than in anger. I suppose she was thinking, +"So young and so unkind!" An hour later, from an upstairs window, I saw +the car whizzing homewards along the road. It did not stop at our gate. +I rather wished it would. + +After that we were constantly meeting. There seemed a fate in it. If I +darted into the post office to buy a penny stamp, he was there buying +tobacco. (You _do_ buy tobacco in village post offices!) If I cut +across fields and sat on a stile to rest, he came whistling from the +opposite direction, and I had to get up to let him pass. If in leaving +the house I turned to the right, I met him advancing to the left. If I +turned to the left, behold he was striding manfully to the right! Each +meeting was the result of absolute chance, but Mistress Chance can play +curious pranks at times, and it really seemed as though she was taking a +mischievous delight in bringing about these unwished-for encounters. We +always bow ceremoniously to each other; he always frowns, and I always +smile. Theoretically I am annoyed and indignant; but at the critical +moment the comical side of the situation sweeps over me, and out flashes +the smile before I can force it back. It is so absurd to see a big +grown man sulking like a child! Quite a good thing he does not intend +to marry. His wife would have a nerve-racking time. + +Well, as I said before, three months have passed by. Spring has turned +into summer, and every day the garden brings fresh, delightful +surprises. Uninteresting green sprouts burst into unexpected bloom; the +rock garden is a blaze of purple and gold; blackened stems of creepers +have disappeared beneath festoons of leaves and flowers. + +Charmion and I wear muslin dresses, and eat our meals in the arbour, and +lie in hammocks in the little orchard, and rejoice in every moment of +the long sunshiny days. Down at the bottom of our hearts, I think we +both have a feeling that this is just a little rest by the way. It +won't last; we don't even wish it to last. Life is too strenuous to +pass in a summer garden; but we needed a rest and it is very, very good +for a change. We pack boxes of flowers and send them to the hospitals, +and every Saturday afternoon we invite parties of working girls from the +nearest towns. They arrive in weird garments, very loud as to colour, +and befeathered as to hats, and the village worthies look askance at +them, shrug their shoulders, and think small beer of us for entertaining +such odd guests. + +For three months our lives have been indeed the "annals of a quiet +neighbourhood," and then suddenly, last week, something happened! + +I said suddenly--I might have said instantaneously, without any +exaggeration. The position was this. Scene, a sloping roadway just +outside the village area. The stage set with the three principal +figures. Enter from left wing, General Underwood, reclining in his +bath-chair, being taken for a short ride by his affectionate kinsman, +Robert Maplestone. Enter from right wing, Evelyn Wastneys, bearing for +home. So far, so good. A similar encounter has happened many times +before, but this time the sight of my white-robed figure seemed to upset +the Squire's equanimity. He stopped the chair, and turned his head over +his shoulder, looking backward over the road along which he had come. +It afterwards transpired that the General's valet had been left behind +to finish some small duty, and was momentarily expected to follow. At +that moment he did appear, and involuntarily Mr Maplestone lifted his +hands to wave an imperious summons. + +I have said that the road is sloping; just at this point it is very +sloping indeed, therefore the bath-chair darted forward, and spun +downward with incredible speed. I have a kaleidoscopic picture in my +brain which seems to consist of a lot of waving arms--the poor General's +arms waving for help, the Squire's arms sawing the air as he raced in +pursuit, further back in the road the valet's arms thrown to the sky in +an agony of dismay, while down towards me, ever faster and faster, spun +that runaway chair. + +I had to stop it somehow! There was no one else to do it, so it was "up +to me" to do my best. There was no time to be nervous, no time even to +think. I stood braced in the middle of the road, and caught at the +steering handle as it flashed by. My weight was light, and the General +was heavy. I expected to have to hold hard, but what really happened +was startling and unexpected, for the steering handle whirled straight +round, struck me a severe blow on the arm, and--toppled me right over on +to the foot of the chair! I sat down heavily on the General's feet, and +the front wheel tore whirling streamers from the bottom of my skirt. +The chair swayed, jerked, slackened its speed; two strong hands +stretched out and checked it still further; a second pair of hands +gripped hold, and brought it to a stand. + +Now came the moment when I ought to have been acclaimed, and overwhelmed +with grateful acknowledgments as an heroic rescuer, who had risked her +own life to save a feeble and suffering old man; but not at all! Quite +the contrary! No sooner was his flight safely stopped than the General +turned and roared at me with furious voice:-- + +"You sat on _my feet_! You are sitting on my _feet_!--I, with the gout! +Get up! _Get up_!" + +Then he turned to Mr Maplestone, and roared at him:-- + +"What on earth did you _mean_ by letting go?" + +Then Mr Maplestone turned to the valet, and roared at him:-- + +"Why the dickens couldn't you _come_, instead of hanging about all day?" + +Then they all turned on me, and chorused, "Get up! _Get up_!" and I +tried to get up, and the caught streamers of my dress held me fast, and +I sat down heavily again--_plop_, right on top of the poor gouty feet. +The General roared more loudly than before, the two other men called +out, "Oh, oh!" and I felt as if I should go into hysterics myself. It +was a most lacerating scene. + +Mr Maplestone took out his penknife and hacked at the ends of my skirt; +the valet, who was the only calm and sensible one of the party, lifted +me up, and supported me in his arms till I was set free. Then he let go +suddenly, and I was so weak and giddy that I nearly fell down a third +time. The General closed his eyes and emitted heart-rending groans, and +the valet nipped hold of the handle of the chair and made for home as +fast as he could go. I stood in the midst of my rags and tatters, and +Mr Maplestone stood by my side. + +"I hope you are not hurt." + +"Oh, not at all!" I said bitterly. I was aching from head to foot. To +judge from my sensations, my right arm was paralysed for life. In some +mysterious way a wheel seemed to have passed over my feet, and my toes +burned like fire. Perhaps they were broken--I could not tell. I had +likewise several scrapes and a whole army of bruises, and the skirt of +one of my nicest afternoon frocks was torn into ribbons. And not one +word of thanks or appreciation. No wonder I was riled. "Oh, not at +all. I _like_ it! I am only sorry that I have contrived to hurt +General Underwood. Perhaps you will kindly convey my apologies." + +He looked at me critically. Aches don't show on the surface, and I +expect I looked rather red than pale. The only visible signs of damage +were the ends of muslin and lace which strewed the road. He looked at +them and said solemnly:-- + +"Your dress is spoiled! I'm afraid it was partly my fault. I had to +get you free, and it was not a moment for deliberation. I'm sorry!" + +He really _sounded_ sorry, and that smoothed me down. I murmured that +it didn't matter--only a muslin dress--not his fault, while he went on +staring fixedly. Then at last he spoke, and what he said gave me an +electric shock of surprise. + +"It's a good thing," he said, "it wasn't the one with the frills!" + +_The one with the frills_! For a moment my mind was a whirling void; I +was too stupefied to think. Then gradually it dawned upon me that he +must be alluding to a dress the skirt of which was composed entirely of +tiers of flounces. It was a new and favourite possession, and I also +was glad that it was spared. But--why should Mr Maplestone-- + +I gaped at him, and said:-- + +"_Why_?" + +And he said lucidly:-- + +"Well, there would have been more to catch, wouldn't there? Besides--" +He flushed, and lapsed into silence. Evidently it was inadvisable to +continue the subject. + +I gathered together my jagged ends, and turned to walk homeward, rather +wondering what was going to happen when I began to move. I found I +_could_ walk, however, which proved that no bones were broken; but it +was a halting performance, and hurt more than I chose to show. If I +limped _too_ much, in common politeness Mr Maplestone would be obliged +to offer help. I had a vision of Charmion's face if she looked out of +the window and beheld us walking arm in arm up the drive! + +"Why do you smile?" cried the voice by my side. There was positive +offence in the tone, and, as I looked my amazement, he continued +accusingly, "You always smile. Every time we meet. It must be an +annoyance to stumble against me wherever you go. Yet you smile! And +to-day you are hurt, and you still smile!" + +"I smile at my thoughts," I said grandiloquently. "And you are wrong, +Mr Maplestone. It doesn't annoy me at all. Why should it? You are as +free to walk about as I am. I have no right to complain. And my +conscience is clear! _I_ have done nothing of which I have reason to be +ashamed." + +"You mean," he cried, "you mean that?--" + +Then his voice broke off sharply, and his forehead wrinkled in dismay. +"_What's that_? That mark on your arm. _Blood_?" + +He pointed. I looked, and sure enough a dull red patch was spreading +over the muslin sleeve of my dress. The blow had evidently cut the +skin, and this was the result. I felt dreadfully sorry for myself, and +rather faint, and altogether considerably worse than I had done before, +as a result of beholding these visible signs of injury. So, I was +content to see, did Mr Maplestone himself. He really looked horribly +worried and distressed, and kept glancing at me with anxious eyes, as if +every moment he expected me to collapse. + +But he never offered his arm! He came with me as far as the gate, and +then held out his hand in farewell. It would have been churlish to +refuse, so I put my own hand in his just for a moment. + +"Don't shake it, please," I said. "It hurts." And then, because it +_did_ seem such an odd thing to say, I smiled again, a feeble watery +smile. + +He dropped my hand like a hot coal, and fled. + +I limped into the house and told Charmion all about it, and cried +quarts. I was mottled all over, black and blue. + + + +CHAPTER TEN. + +MRS MERRIVALE CONFESSES. + +Next morning a groom came over with kind inquiries from the Hall. Mr +and Mrs Maplestone were anxious to hear if Miss Wastneys had recovered +from the shock of yesterday. Miss Wastneys returned thanks for kind +inquiries. She was suffering a good deal of pain, but her injuries were +not serious. + +Recovered, indeed! When I was a mass of bruises and aches, to say +nothing of jumpy nerves. I was not inclined to make light of my +injuries to Mr Robert Maplestone. + +Later on the General's valet made his appearance. + +"General Underwood was anxious to hear how Miss Wastneys was this +morning. He was distressed to hear that she had been hurt." + +That was more tactful! Moreover, on receiving the bulletin, the man +informed our maid that the old gentleman was rarely upset because he had +been rude to the young lady. As soon as he was able he was coming in +person to apologise. + +Charmion listened quietly to the repetition of this announcement. When +the maid left the room, she turned to me as I lay on the sofa, being +very sorry for myself, and lifted inquiring brows. + +"Well, Evelyn. You know what this means?" + +I did, or thought I did, but prevaricated, feeling self-conscious. + +"What?" + +"You have cut the knot with your heroic rescue! The Squire will call; +the General will call; the neighbouring sheep will follow in their +train. We shall be graciously `forgiven' and admitted into the fold. +Our quiet, sent-to-Coventry existence is at an end." + +I looked at her anxiously. From voice and manner it was impossible to +tell what she was really feeling. Above all things I wanted to please +her. But still-- + +"Are you sorry, Charmion? Would you be sorry? I suppose they _will_ +come, but there is no necessity to receive them, if you would rather +not. After ignoring us so long, they could not complain. I will leave +it to you to decide." + +"Then they shall come," she said firmly. "You've been a brick about it, +dear, but I'm not blind. I know that it has been a trial for you to be +cut off from general society. You are a sociable creature, and need +friends around you. We have had a happy _tete-a-tete_, and I've enjoyed +it thoroughly, but it couldn't go on. I should not have _allowed_ it to +go on. I am a selfish woman in many ways, but not selfish enough to +make a hermit of you at twenty-six. So!--let them all come. In any +case, we shall probably be making a move before very long, so we can't +be drawn very deeply into the rustic maelstrom!" + +"_We shall be making a move_." + +The words gave me a jar. My "Kensington" flat is now in order, and +ready to receive my furniture whenever I care to send it in. I am still +in love with the Pixie scheme; but, while summer lasts, and the garden +grows more beautiful every day, I want to stay here! In my own mind I +had settled down till September at least. I had believed that Charmion +was as happy as myself, but now the old restlessness sounded in her +voice. I looked at her, and saw her eyes staring wearily into space. +Oh dear, oh dear, the narcotic of the new life is already losing its +power; the grim spectre of the past is casting its shadow between us! + +They have called! This afternoon, when we were having tea in the +garden, General Underwood's bath-chair appeared suddenly on the scene. +First came a crunching of gravel, and when we turned our heads to +discover the cause, the front wheel was already turning the corner of +the path, and the next moment there was the General smiling benevolently +upon us, the valet pushing the handle, and walking by his side the +Squire himself, very red in the face and puckered about the brow, +exactly like a naughty boy who is being dragged forward to say he is +"sorry." + +Fortunately there was no time to consider the situation. We shook +hands, and found a chair for Mr Maplestone, and ordered more tea, and +discussed the weather in its various branches, all with the utmost +propriety, until gradually the ice thawed. Charmion is a gracious +hostess, and the General is as genial and simple in manner as most men +who have spent their lives "east of the Suez". After five minutes in +his society one understands why he is the idol of the neighbourhood. He +looks ill, poor dear, but his blue eyes are still clear and alert, and +he twinkles them at you in such a shrewd, kindly fashion. + +Not a word did he say about the accident until tea was half over and I +handed him some cake, when he looked full at me, and asked slyly:-- + +"How is the poor arm?" + +"Progressing beautifully, thank you. _And_--the poor feet?" + +"Ah," he said eloquently, "that was a moment! I am ashamed of my +ingratitude; but, my dear young lady, if you could have felt--" + +"I know," I said humbly. "Eight stone six. But I had no choice; and at +the worst, it was not so bad as being spilt into the road." + +"Indeed, yes. I am under the impression that I owe you a great deal. +It is difficult to express--" + +"Please don't!" I said hastily. "I could hardly have done less, but I +could very easily have done it in a less clumsy way; and--it's so +embarrassing to be thanked! Let us talk of something else. Would you +care to see our garden? We have worked very hard at it all spring, and +are so proud of our effects. We love showing people round!" + +Then I suddenly remembered and blushed, and glanced guiltily at the +Squire, to discover that he was doing exactly the same at me, and we all +three got up in a hurry, and disputed who should push the bath-chair. +The Squire did it, of course, and Charmion and I walked one on each side +and played show-women, and the dear old man admired everything he saw, +and asked for seeds in the autumn, and offered _us_ seeds in return, and +did everything nice and polite that nice polite people do do on garden +visits. + +As for the Squire, he kept on saying nothing. + +Our tour ended at the gate, and when we said our final good-byes, +General Underwood explained he was not up to calling, as he was often +unable to go out, but that at any time, if we could spare half an hour +to visit _him_, it would be doing a kindness to a lonely old man. "And +will you allow me to wish you much happiness and prosperity in your +beautiful home?" + +Charmion thanked him with serene unconsciousness, and the Squire and I +stared elaborately into space, so elaborately that on parting we made +two separate dives before we succeeded in finding each other's hands. +Then the valet came forward, and the little procession turned out of the +gate. + +"Charmion," I said solemnly, "I feel a worm. That dear, heroic old man! +I wish we had let him have `Pastimes' ten times over." + +"Mistaken heroism, my dear. He can be still more heroic at `Uplands'." + +"Er--what do you think of--the other one?" + +"Er--honestly, Evelyn, I don't think of him at all!" + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +Mrs Maplestone has called, and the three or four other county magnates, +none of them particularly interesting from our point of view. We are +now formally and definitely "received," and the first result has been a +violent increase of intimacy on the part of the Vicar's wife. I think +she has always "hankered" to know us, but not having enough +individuality to act for herself, she has waited for a lead before +taking the plunge. + +Now it appears that she is organising a garden fete and wants us to +help. It is her own idea, and she says it is for the organ fund. I +don't want to be uncharitable, but I think it is equally designed for +the amusement and diversion of Delphine Merrivale! I am uneasy about +that girl. Nature never designed her for a clergyman's wife; she is +restless and bored, while that dear, good, fine man, who loves her so +much, is as blind as a bat, and believes that all is well. To-day she +sent for me to come to tea, and he came into the room while she was +volubly discussing various plans, which struck me as likely to cost more +money than they were ever likely to gain. When he appeared she gave a +little shrug of impatience, and for a few moments lapsed into silence, +but her self-control being soon exhausted, she took up her tale and +babbled on as enthusiastically as before. + +It appears that every summer a "Sale" is held in the vicarage garden to +dispose of the articles manufactured by the "Working Party" throughout +the winter session. They consist of serviceable garments for the poor, +which are eagerly purchased by the members of the Needlework Guild, and +also of a selection of "fancy" articles which nobody wants, such as +brush and comb bags of pink and white crochet, shaving paper cases with +embroidered backs (first catch the man who uses them!) and handkerchief +sachets of white satin, on which are painted (badly) sprays of wild +roses and maidenhair fern! + +The parish has always meekly assembled itself together for the fray, +paid threepence for a plain tea, and departed peacefully on its way; but +this year--_this_ year, there is to be a band, and a man to cut out +silhouettes, and ices, and strawberries and cream, and quite a variety +of excitements. + +"A treasure hunt for one, at an entrance fee of a shilling a head. The +treasures to be supplied as voluntary offerings by the ladies of the +neighbourhood." + +Mrs Merrivale paused and cocked an interrogative eye at me, and her +husband said gently:-- + +"Dear, aren't you too ambitious? Our ordinary quiet sale has done very +well until now. Why land yourself with a great deal of extra work and +fatigue, to say nothing of expense, for an altogether problematical +result!" + +"Oh, Jacky," she cried deeply. "It is not problematical. We shall make +pounds and pounds. I don't mind the work. I like it. Think how lovely +it would be if we could clear off the whole debt!" + +He smiled at her with the tenderest appreciation. Oh, if any man looked +at me like that, I would work my fingers to the bone to help him. +Honestly and truly, he believed that she was bracing herself to the fray +out of the purest, most disinterested motives. Never for one moment did +it occur to him that a grown woman could hanker after such ploys for her +own amusement. There is much in his unconsciousness which is beautiful, +but--there is danger, too! Surely, surely when two people live together +in such a terribly close relationship as husband and wife, before all +things it must be necessary to understand! + +"Then I leave it to you, dearest," he said. "Arrange as you think best. +And now, if Miss Wastneys will excuse me, I must say good-bye. Poor +Mrs Evans is worse this afternoon. They fear that an operation may be +necessary. She has had terrible pain." + +Mrs Merrivale threw out her hand impulsively. I was amazed to see that +she had grown quite white. + +"Don't, Jacky--don't! You know _I_ can't bear it. _Why_ will you speak +of such things when I have begged you not?" + +"I'm sorry, darling. I forgot. My mind was so engrossed." He laid his +hand on her shoulder as he passed, and said to me, in an apologetic +voice, "This poor child is so sensitive. The pain of the world wounds +her tender heart. I am inconsiderate in bringing my burdens to her." + +The door shut behind him, and we stared at one another for a long tense +moment. I _knew_, and she knew that I knew, and suddenly the long +strain of pretending to be what she was not reached the snapping point, +and she spoke out in a burst of impotent irritation:-- + +"It's not true! I'm _not_ tender-hearted. They don't wound me at all, +all these sordid miserable details; they just irritate and disgust and +asphyxiate. Oh, I'm so tired of it all--so _tired_--and he doesn't see, +doesn't understand! He puts me on a pedestal, and burns incense at my +feet, and believes that I am as interested as himself, and all the +time--all the time I am smothered with boredom and impatience. I don't +know why I am saying all this to you. Yes, I do. I saw in your eyes +that you saw through me, and knew what I really felt. Now I suppose you +are horribly shocked?" + +"Not a bit. I don't understand enough to judge you one way or another; +but I wish, as you have begun, you would tell me a little more. I'm +young myself, you see, so I should probably understand. Lots of people +tell me their secrets, and I'm always sorry, and very rarely shocked. +We all have our own faults. Why should we be so very hard on other +people because theirs are a different brand from our own?" + +She stared at me with her big blue eyes. + +"What are your faults?" + +"Well," I laughed, "the list would take a long time! Shall we leave it +for another day? What I want to know now is, why, with your +temperament, did you come to marry a country parson?" + +"Because I loved him, of course," came the ready reply. "He came to +take duty in our church while our own clergyman was ill, and he stayed +in our house. He was so much older than I--fifteen years--that I never +thought of him--like that! I just thought he was a dear, and liked to +talk to him, and show him about the garden, and get him to help me in +little odd ways. He was so learned and serious and staid that all the +others were in awe of him, but I ordered him about, and made him wait on +me, and teased him because he did it so badly. It was such fun! I +enjoyed myself frightfully. Mother read me a long lecture one night, +and said Mr Merrivale would be pained to see father's daughter was such +a frivolous girl. But he wasn't. He fell in love with me instead. +Doesn't that seem queer?" + +I didn't think it was queer at all. Imagination conjured up scenes in +the summer garden where the gay pretty girl had held her little court, +and queened it over the grave, silent man. It was a thousand to one on +his falling under the spell. The mischief of it was that he had +expected the marriage ceremony to convert a butterfly into a staid, +parochial wife. John Courtney Merrivale had a thousand virtues, but +imagination was not his strong point. + +"I think it was extremely natural. Just what I should have expected to +happen. You are very pretty, you know, and I expect you made a charming +task-mistress. And, of course, any sane girl must have been interested +in him. But--what did you think about the life in this little place?" + +"Oh! I didn't think about it at all," she said calmly. "I was so +happy, and--excited. And so busy getting my clothes, and the presents, +and arranging for the wedding. I had a lovely wedding. Eight +bridesmaids carrying rose-staves. And Jacky took me to Switzerland for +the honeymoon, and was so young and gay himself. Like a boy. I had a +perfectly glorious three months, and then--" + +She paused, and the pink and white face puckered into a grimace as she +cast an expressive glance to right and left. + +"We came _home_! That was the first shock, seeing all this dingy, +hideous furniture, and realising that it had to stay. Jacky likes it +because it belonged to his mother, and he thinks it would be wicked +waste to sell it for nothing, and buy new. I tried to brighten things +up, but--if you look round this room you will realise that a few new +things made the effect _worse_! I gave it up in despair, and all my +pretty cushions and embroideries, and pictures and ornaments are hidden +away in boxes in the attic." + +"Oh, that's hard! You have my unbounded sympathy. I should hate to +live in uncongenial surroundings. Isn't there _any_ room in the house +you could have for your own, and furnish just exactly as you like?" + +"All the rooms are full. I've given up trying to change things _now_, +but they irritate me all the same. When I've been out all the day at +meetings and guilds, it would be a rest to come home to a pretty room. +I look at those maroon curtains, and this hideous patterny carpet, and +feel all nervy and on edge; then Jacky thinks I am tired, and brings me +hot milk." She opened her speedwell blue eyes to their fullest width, +and stared at me dolefully. "Oh, Miss Wastneys, it is so strenuous to +have to live up to an ideal!" + +"It would be still more strenuous to--_fall short_," I said curtly, and +she gave a start of dismay. + +"Oh, goodness, yes! Anything rather than that! I wouldn't for the +world have Jacky find me out." + +I felt like an aged grandam admonishing a silly child. Of course in the +long run he was bound to find out, for Delphine's discontent was +obviously increasing, and the hour was at hand when her self-control +would come to a sudden and violent end. Then there would be hasty words +and recriminations, the memory of which no after remorse could wipe +away. I was sure of it, and said so plainly, qualifying my prophecy +with a big "unless." + +"Unless you can make up your mind to be honest _now_, and tell your +husband the whole truth. There is nothing to be ashamed of in being +young and needing variety in life. Tell him frankly that too much +parish gets on your nerves, and that you could do your work better if +you went away for a few weeks every three or four months. There must be +friends whom you could visit, and who would be glad to have you. After +a change of scene and occupation you would come home braced and +refreshed, and ready to make a fresh start. And you might speak about +the room at the same time. You need not suggest selling any furniture, +but just storing some of it away in an attic or cellar, so that you +could have a little boudoir of your own. Do be sensible, and tell him +to-night. He loves you. He wants you to be happy. He would +understand." + +She shook her head. + +"No. He would be kind and patient. He would agree at once, and never +say a word of reproach, but--he wouldn't understand. That's just it. +His whole idea of me would be shocked out of existence. He would be +disappointed to the bottom of his soul. I--I can't do it, Miss +Wastneys; but it's been a relief to grumble to you. Thank you for +letting me do it. Things have been just a little better since you and +Mrs Fane came to `Pastimes'. I haven't seen much of you, of course, +but I have enjoyed watching you. You wear such lovely clothes, and you +are young and interesting. Most of the people are so dull and settled +down. I wish you would call me `Delphine,' and come to see me as often +as you can. Just run in any time you are passing, and let me come to +you in the same way. I've been so bored. Well, never mind," she +brightened suddenly; "the fete will be a little excitement. I _am_ +looking forward to that." + +An idea flashed into my head. I was sorry for the girl, and intensely, +forebodingly sorry for her husband. If one could help to avert the +threatened tragedy. + +"I am just wondering," I began tentatively. "Of course I can make no +definite offer without consulting Mrs Fane, but--would you like it if +we lent our grounds for the fete? The extra space might be an +advantage, and we could save you trouble by arranging for the tents and +refreshments, and perhaps organise some little stall on our own +account." + +I really thought that might save a good deal of expense, and so add to +the profit of the afternoon, and also that with our wider experience we +might run the fete on more advanced lines, and so give her, as well as +the rest of the parish, a more amusing time; but to my disappointment +she flushed, and looked far from pleased. + +"Oh, thanks, but--really, this is my affair! If I have all the duty and +responsibility of being the Vicar's wife, I don't see why I should give +up the fun of being hostess and arranging my own fete in my own way. +It's very sweet of you, of course, and I'm very grateful. I hope you +won't be offended." + +I began to laugh. + +"Offended! Why--Delphine, I was thinking entirely of you. I'm +immensely relieved, if you want the real truth. That's settled then, +and we'll give you some treasures for the Hunt. What would you like? +Make up an appropriate list and send it along. Anything you like, up +to--say five pounds!" + +"Oh, you angel! Will you really?" she cried ecstatically. I had risen +this time, and she slid her hand through my arm, and accompanied me to +the door. Seen close at hand, her face looked almost child-like in its +clear soft tints. I noticed also that her blouse was very fine and +delicate, a very different thing from the cheap lace fineries which she +had worn when I first saw her. She followed the direction of my eye, +stroked down an upstarting frill, and coloured furiously. "Ah, my +blouse! Do you admire it? I wrote to town for it, to your dressmaker, +and I've ordered a lovely frock. You'll see. For once in my life I +shall be really well dressed! Seeing you and Mrs Fane has made me +discontented with my dowdy old rags!" + + + +CHAPTER ELEVEN. + +THE GARDEN FETE. + +The garden fete came off yesterday, and on the surface was a roaring +success. The weather was ideal; the vicarage garden proved all that was +necessary in the way of a background, and the arrangements were so +extraordinarily complete that my practical mind was constantly +confronted with the question, "Won't this _cost_ far more than it +gains?" In a big city a charity entertainment may throw out expensive +baits with a fair chance of catching a shoal of fat and unwary fish; but +in a small village the catch can be calculated to a sou. The big fish +of the neighbourhood will heave a sigh of duteous resignation, put a +five-pound note in the purse, and start for the fray prepared to spend +it all, but not one penny more! The smaller fry carry out the same +policy with ten or fifteen shillings. The minnows take half-a-crown, +with which they pay for tea, and purchase soap at the provision stall, +reporting to their husbands at night that, after all, the money was not +wasted. The Vicar might just as well have it as the grocer. All the +attractions in the world cannot worm shillings out of a public which is +so prudent and canny that it has self-guarded itself by leaving its cash +at home! + +Many times over yesterday afternoon I saw the flicker of longing in +feminine eyes as they gazed upon the tempting novelties displayed upon +the stalls, but the next moment the lips would screw, the feet pass by. +Guild garments must be bought; tea paid for; tickets bought for the +novel Treasure Hunt, wherein--with luck!--one might actually _gain_ by +the outlay. The visitors lingered to gaze at the pretty china, and +glass, and embroideries with which Delphine had filled her stall; but +the afternoon wore on, and it looked as full as ever--horribly full! +There were none of those bare, blank spaces which stall-holders love to +see. At five o'clock we marked off the odd sixpences; at six o'clock we +dropped a whole shilling, but still--hardly a sale! + +Delphine looked--a vision! At the first glimpse of her in her cobweb +fineries, I was ill-bred enough to gape, whereat she blushed and said +hurriedly:-- + +"_Your_ dressmaker! Yes! Isn't it a duck?" + +And knowing the prices which Celeste charges for ducks with such +feathers, I wondered, and--feared! Did the Vicar know? Was it possible +that with his small stipend he could afford such extravagances? Had the +silly little thing ordered, and never _asked_? Was it my fault for +having given the address? Could I have helped doing so, when I was +asked? I _had_ said she was expensive. It was some small comfort to +remember that, and Charmion would say it was no concern of mine. A +dozen such disconcerting thoughts raced through my mind, but I shook +them off, and said heartily:-- + +"It is lovely! _You_ are lovely! I had no idea you were such a beauty. +What does your husband say?" + +Her face clouded. + +"Nothing. Doesn't notice. Likes me as much in an old print. But +I--_love_ it! Oh, you don't know what bliss it is to feel `finished +off'. Everything new, good, pretty, and to match!" She gave a rapid +swirling movement of the hand to call my attention to such details as +shoes and stockings, embroidered bag, and glorified garden hat. "It's +nothing to _you_. You have had them all your life, but I have only +longed and--_starved_!" + +She spoke with a passionate emphasis, which to many people would seem +out of all keeping with the subject; but I am young, and a girl, so I +understood. There are many empty-headed women in whom the craving for +pretty things is as strong as the masculine craving for drink and cards. +Circumstances have compelled these women to wear the plainest, most +useful of clothes, while every shop window shows a tantalising display +of colour and beauty, and other women not half so pretty as themselves +bloom with a borrowed radiance! + +No mere man can understand the inborn feminine joy in the feel of fine +smooth fabric, nor the blending of delicate colours, the dainty ruffling +of lace. To the rich these things come as a matter of course, and the +working classes are satisfied with garish imitations; it is the poor +gentlewoman with the cultivated taste, the cultivated longing for +beauty, to whom temptation comes in its keenest form. It had come to +Delphine, and she had succumbed. I devoutly hoped and prayed that the +shock of the coming bill would prevent further extravagances! + +Charmion and I took charge of the Treasure Hunt. We had given the +treasures, which were laboriously chosen with a view to suitability. +Umbrellas (lashed flat to the trunks of trees!) bags, photograph frames, +writing cases, boxes of handkerchiefs, chocolate, cigarettes, scent, +and--this was a cunning idea!--cash orders on a big London store. + +There was a great rush for tickets, and the Vicar--very flurried, and +out of his element, poor man!--dragged in the Squire to help us. The +Squire had arrived with his mother an hour before, and had sat under a +cedar, drinking tea with a selection of old ladies and gentlemen, +looking as though he liked it quite well. Whenever he met my eye, he +glowered, as if to say, "How dare you look at me!" and I smiled back, as +that seemed to annoy him most. Now, as the Vicar brought him up, I +could hear his muttered protests: "Rather not! Can't _you_--isn't there +something else?" Pleasing thing, I must say, to have a man forced to +help you against his will! + +Well, it was no use making a fuss before a score of curious eyes, so for +the next half-hour we stood side by side, selling tickets, explaining +the rules of the Hunt, marshalling the seekers in readiness for the +signal to start. He is capable enough, I will say that for him, and has +a patent knack of silencing garrulous questioners. It was the funniest +thing in the world to stand at the end of the lawn, and watch these +rustic backs--young, old, and fat middle-aged--all poised on one leg, +swaying to and fro, straining to be off! Excruciatingly funny to watch +the stampede, after the loud "One--two--three--and away!" The plunges, +the waddles, the skelter of flying heels! One might have thought the +gold of Klondyke was hidden in the kitchen garden. I laughed, and +laughed, in a good old Irish paroxysm of merriment, until the tears +rolled down my cheeks. Mr Maplestone stared, turned on his heel, and +stalked away. + +I strolled back to the upper lawn, and the first person I saw was old +General Underwood sitting in his bath-chair, which had been drawn under +the shade of a tree, so that he might see everything, and yet be well +out of the way. He was too much out of the way, poor old dear! to judge +by his looks, and agreeably pleased to see my approach. + +"Well, young lady, and how are you to-day? You look very fresh and +charming!" + +"That's very nice of you, General! I do like to be admired. Isn't this +rather a dull corner for you? Wouldn't you like to be moved?" + +He looked around with his old, blue eyes. + +"Everyone seems to have gone. There was quite a crowd here a few +minutes ago. I sent my man to the village to post some letters." + +"We can manage without him. There is a Treasure Hunt going on at the +other end of the garden. That is why this part is so empty. Mrs +Merrivale has hidden a lot of parcels among the trees and shrubs, and +everyone who pays a shilling can go and search for a treasure." + +"Ha!" His face lit up with the hunting instinct, which seems dormant in +us all. "Treasures--I see! A good idea. Worth more, I presume, than +the entrance shilling?" + +"Oh, much, much more." The pride of the donor sounded in my voice; then +I looked at the poor, old, tired, wistful face, and had a brilliant +idea. "General, shall _we_ go hunting--you and I? I'll push and you'll +steer, and we'll both look, and if it's a man's present, it's yours, and +if it's a woman's, it's mine, and if it's neutral, we'll toss! They've +only just started, so we're in time." + +He gripped the handle involuntarily, then loosened it to say:-- + +"My dear, I'm too heavy. Wait till my man--" + +"Nonsense! I'm as strong as a horse. Who waits is lost. To the right, +please, General. Straight down this path, and into the herbaceous +garden. _Quite_ slowly, and keep a sharp eye between the branches." + +He quite chuckled with delight. Viewed from the vantage ground of a +bath-chair, a Treasure Hunt was delirious excitement, but he _was_ +heavy! I remembered a sharp upward curve some way further on, and had a +vision of myself pushing, with arms extended to full length, and feet at +a considerable distance between the arms, as I have seen small +nursemaids push pram-loads of fat twins. How undignified it would be if +I slipped half-way, and the chair backed over my prone body! Then, of +course, the thing happened which I might have been sure and certain +_would_ happen under the circumstances. We came face to face with Mr +Maplestone, and the General called out:-- + +"Hi, Ralph! There you are. Just the man we want. Miss Wastneys and I +are hunting. Come and give a hand." + +"Oh, if you have the Squire, you won't need me. I'll go off on my own," +I cried quickly; but it was no use, the old man wanted both, and both he +would have. The Squire was to push behind; I was to take the handle and +pull in front; he himself must be free to hunt, since he was +handicapped by old eyes. He issued orders with the assurance of a +Commander-in-Chief, and we listened and obeyed. + +I started by feeling annoyed and impatient, but honestly, after the +first few minutes, it was great fun. The Squire was an abominable +pusher; first he pushed too little and left all the work to me; and +then, being upbraided, he pushed too hard and tilted me into a run; then +we changed places, and he took the wrong turnings, wheeled past plain +grass beds where nothing could possibly be hidden; then we _both_ took +the back, and the General peered from side to side, and saw nothing, and +grew discouraged, and sighed, and said his luck had gone. No treasures +for him any more! + +I will say for Ralph Maplestone that he is sweet to that old man! He +treats him just in the right way, as deferentially as though he were in +full health and strength, a martial figure riding gloriously to +conquest! We cheered him up between us (I did it rather nicely, too!) +and became quite friendly in the process. Two people can't join in +pushing a bath-chair and remain _de haut en bas_. The thing is +impossible. I was most nice to Ralph Maplestone, and he appeared to be +nice to me. + +Suddenly, in the middle of a bush, I saw a glint of brighter green, the +tissue-paper wrapping of a treasure, and instantly my fingers gripped +the chair. Mr Maplestone would have pushed on, but I frowned and +grimaced, and he looked and saw too, and we both puffed and panted, and +demanded a rest, during which I stood elaborately at one side of the +bush, and he stood at the other, so that the old dear could hardly miss +seeing the paper. + +Even then I had to give, it a surreptitious push before discovery came; +but he had no suspicions, not one, and was as pleased as a boy at the +thought that his old eyes had been sharper than our young ones. We all +took a turn at opening the parcel, and it turned out to be a vanity bag, +fitted with a mirror and other frivolities, so of course it was +presented to me, and I arranged my hair in the mirror, and powdered my +nose with the puff, just to shock them, which, by the way, it fully +succeeded in doing. + +"Girls didn't do that in my day!" croaked the General. + +"_All_ girls don't do it now!" grunted the Squire. + +"My dear, you look far nicer without it." This was the General's second +venture. I turned to the Squire and asked solemnly, "_Do_ I?" and he +gave one quick look, and then stared past me--through me--blankly into +space. + +"I am no judge," he said curtly. + +Well, let me be honest! It _was_ flirtatious of me, I knew it was, and +hurried to rub off the powder, and get back to my briskest, most +business-like manner. As we had paid three entrance fees, we were +entitled to a treasure apiece, if we could find them, and I insisted +upon keeping up the search to the very last moment. It amused the +General; it amused me; I honestly believe that it amused Mr Maplestone, +as far as he was capable of being amused. He was quite human; once or +twice, as we rushed after a "scent," he was even _lively_. I began to +think he might really be quite nice. + +We found one other parcel--a box of cigarettes--and then made our way +back to the lawn, where the General's valet was waiting, and took over +the chair. Delphine came up to me and slipped her hand through my arm. + +"Evelyn, you have managed beautifully, but you must be dead tired and +longing for tea. I'm going to stand over you and make you rest. Stupid +of Jacky to send the Squire to help you! You'd have been happier with +anyone else, but he's so dense, so in the clouds, that he doesn't notice +these things. Evelyn, isn't it strange how he dislikes you?" + +"Who? Your husband?" + +"Nonsense. No. You know quite well--Mr Maplestone. At first, of +course, one can understand he was prejudiced; but _now_! And when you +have been so nice!" + +"Thank you for that. I'm glad you appreciate me. Why are you so sure +the Squire does not?" + +"Because," she said imperturbably, "he tells me so!" + +Curiosity is a terrible thing. It's bad enough when it concerns itself +about other people, but when it comes to oneself, it's ten times worse. +I _ached_ to ask, "When?" and "Where?" and "How?" and exactly in what +words Mr Maplestone's dislike had been expressed, but pride closed my +lips, and I would not let myself go. Of course I had known before, but +I had imagined that after the chair episode--What stings is not the +dislike itself, but the putting it into words to such a confidante as +Delphine. No, let me be honest; the dislike itself _does_ sting. I +have my own petty feminine craving, and it is to be liked, to have +people appreciate and approve of me, if they do nothing more. Even +indifference is difficult to bear, but _dislike_--Well, thank goodness, +I have lived in a warm-hearted country among warm-hearted people who +have loved me for my name if for nothing else. Really and truly, I +believe this ugly, red-headed man is the first person who has ever dared +to speak openly of dislike for Evelyn Wastneys! + +I pity and despise him. I wouldn't have his approval if I could. +Henceforth I shall never think of him, nor mention his name. To me he +is dead. All is over between us before anything ever began! It is +finished. This is the end. The fete ended at nine o'clock, and +Charmion and I, with the other stall-holders, went into the vicarage to +enjoy a supper of scraps. As a rule I adore scrap suppers after +everyone has gone, and the servants have gone to bed, and the guests +make sorties into the pantry, and bring out plates of patties and fruit, +and derelict meringues, and wobbling halves of jellies and creams. They +taste so _good_, eaten in picnic fashion before the fire, with a +shortage of forks and spoons, and a plate as a lucky chance. But +somehow last night things didn't go! I think perhaps there were too +many "scraps" which should by rights have been sold and paid for in good +hard cash. The Vicar was full of hospitable zeal, and evidently enjoyed +pressing the good things upon his guests, but there was something in +Delphine's pale glance which checked merriment. She had had her fun, +the interest of planning, the excitement of playing hostess to the +country-side, the satisfaction of knowing herself to be the +best-dressed, most admired woman present, and of queening it over women +who had hitherto patronised herself. Poor little butterfly! she had +enjoyed her hour, but now the sun had gone down, and she was counting +the cost. The treasurer added up the coins handed in from the various +stalls and announced the total. There was a little pause. + +"Ah!" said the Vicar slowly. "More than last year, but not so much as +we hoped. How will it work out, dear, after paying expenses?" + +"Oh, Jacky, I'm _tired_! Can't we have supper in peace, before worrying +about money!" she cried pettishly. + +Not another word was said. + +When we were driving home, Charmion gave me a shock. + +"I rather like Mrs Maplestone," she said dreamily. "She is stiff and +conventional, and it has never even occurred to her that anyone can +disagree with her views, and still have a glimmering of right, but, at +least, she is sincere. If one could burrow deep enough beneath the +surface, she'd be worth knowing." + +"I don't like people who have to be burrowed. Life is too short. And I +am perfectly certain that I should shock her into fits. Personally, I +don't intend to take the trouble of excavating!" + +"That's unfortunate, for she wishes to know you. She has invited us to +dinner next Wednesday to meet some friends." + +"Charmion! You didn't accept?" + +"Certainly I did. Wasn't it your express desire to be sociable, and to +know your neighbours?" + +"Oh, not them--not there! It's pleasant knowing a few people, but one +is at liberty to choose. I think you might have consulted me!" + +In the soft dusk she laughed, and stretched out a caressing hand. + +"Tired, dear, and--cross? I thought you'd be pleased. Why and +wherefore? Tell me the truth?" + +"Oh, don't be so tiresome, Charmion. Of course I am tired. I've been +on my feet all day long. Cross! Why should I be cross? Only--I don't +choose to accept hospitality from that man. I tell you plainly I won't +go." + +She bowed her head, deliberately, once and again. + +"Oh, yes, Evelyn, you will! I gave you your choice, and having made it +you will play fair. I should have preferred to remain peacefully at +Coventry, but having taken the first step at your request, I don't +propose to allow you to force me into society _alone_." + +What could I say? What was it _possible_ to say? There is no way out +of it. I shall just have to go! + + + +CHAPTER TWELVE. + +A REVELATION. + +The Vicar has called to tell us that Delphine has made up her accounts, +and that the fete has cleared fifty pounds more than the smaller affair +last year. He seemed pleased and proud, and I was delighted, too, and +immensely relieved, because I had really been horribly afraid there +would be no profit at all! Curious to think where all the money came +from to pay heavy expenses, and still clear so much! It just shows how +small sums add up. I asked if Delphine were very pleased, and he +hesitated, and said:-- + +"She seems tired. Feeling the reaction, no doubt. She worked so hard." + +An imp of curiosity tempted me to see if he were really as blind as he +appeared. + +"She made a splendid hostess. And didn't she look charming, too? I am +sure you were proud of her in that lovely new frock!" + +His eyes softened with a deep _glowey_ look, which was reserved for +Delphine alone. + +"I am always proud of her. She always looks charming; but the dress--I +am afraid I must plead guilty. I know nothing about her dress." + +"Really? Truly? You couldn't tell what it was like?" + +"Not for a thousand pounds!" + +I stared at him, frowning. + +"If I had a husband I should _like_ him to know. I should be furious if +I made a special effort, and he didn't even notice that I had anything +new." + +He smiled with a forbearing air. + +"Surely not! I think better of you, Miss Wastneys. Dress is altogether +unimportant." + +"Not to me. Not to your wife. There are some women to whom it is the +greatest temptation in life." + +He looked outraged, disgusted, and changed the subject with a resolute +air, but I was glad that I had spoken. A husband can be too unworldly, +and lost in the clouds. It would be the best thing in the world for +Delphine if he _did_ notice, and that in more ways than one! + +In the afternoon Charmion and I called at the vicarage to congratulate +Delphine, and found her distinctly the worse for wear. Pale, +heavy-eyed, and inclined to snap, a very different creature from the +radiant butterfly of three days ago. She was glad to see me, however, I +was someone to snap at, which was what she wanted most at the moment, +and she worked off quite a lot of steam, hectoring me about things I +might have done better, or not done at all, and impressing on me _for_ +future occasions that I should be less independent, and take more +advice. She likewise informed us, quite incidentally and "by the way," +that Mrs Ross had disliked my hat and Mrs Bruce had asked if Charmion +were anaemic--such a colourless skin!--and Mrs Someone Else thought it +so "queer" that we should live together! Altogether she behaved like a +spoiled, ill-tempered child, but she looked so young and worried and +pretty through it all, that on the whole I felt more sorry for her than +myself. As for Charmion, she smiled, with an air of listening from an +illimitable distance, which I can quite understand has an exasperating +effect on people who do not understand and care. It exasperated +Delphine now. I saw the blue eyes flash, and the pink lips set, with a +peevish desire to "hit back!" + +"Mrs Bruce said her family know the Fane family quite well. They come +from the same county. She was telling them about you, but, of course, +not knowing your husband's Christian name made it difficult. She +thought it so queer to have your own Christian name printed on your +cards--" + +"Did she?" said Charmion blandly. + +"It is an American custom," I put in hastily. "I should do the same if +I had such a fascinating name." + +"I wouldn't!" Delphine said--"it's so queer. Unless, of course, one's +husband had a hideous name--Elisha, or Jonathan, or something like that. +Even then one might leave it out." + +"I shouldn't dream of marrying anyone called Elisha." + +"What was--is--your favourite man's name?" + +"Jacky," said Charmion naughtily. + +Delphine's eyes flashed. + +"Was that your husband's name?" + +"Oh no." + +The pink lips opened to ask a further, more definite question, but it +died unsaid. The steady gaze of Charmion's eyes prevented that. She +would be a bold woman who could defy that silent challenge! + +We made our escape, and walked home in silence. Charmion seemed very +depressed, and went to bed at nine o'clock. Next time I see Delphine +Merrivale, I shall tell her plainly that I will--not--have Mrs Fane +annoyed with questions about the past! + +Last night we dined at the Hall. Last night things happened. We +started feeling quite festive and excited, for, after a strictly +domestic life for nearly five months, it becomes quite thrilling to dine +in another house, and to eat food which one has not ordered oneself. As +we drove along the lanes, we amused ourselves like schoolgirls, guessing +what we "would have," and who would "take us in". Charmion, as the +married woman, would obviously fall to the Squire. I hoped I should be +at the other end of the table, with a partner who was sweet tempered and +appreciative. Bridget had come back from posting a letter, bearing the +thrilling news that the Squire's car had been to the station to meet a +party of guests. Two fine, upstanding ladies, and a gentleman with a +figure like a wooden Noah in the Ark. The shoulders of him!--that +square you might have cut them with a knife! It was refreshing to know +that we were to meet people who did _not_ live within a radius of five +miles. I rather hoped those shoulders would fall to my share! + +They did. He is an American. I might have guessed that by the +description, and one of the "fine upstanding ones" is his bride, and +they have been "doing" England for a few weeks, before starting on a +year's honeymoon in the East. The explanation of their appearance at +the Hall is that they "chanced" to have met the Squire years ago in +America, and wished to renew the acquaintance. So things came about! +Mr Elliott is an interesting man, and, like all Americans, loves to +talk about his own country. He was pained and shocked to hear I had +never crossed the Atlantic, until I told him that half myself, in the +person of an only sister, had gone in my place. I was just going to add +that Charmion also had spent a great part of her life in the States, +when--something stopped me--one of those mysterious impulses which, at +times, lay a finger on our lips, and check the coming words. + +Charmion sat on one side of the Squire, Mrs Elliott on the other. I +was half-way down the table, sandwiched in between a dozen comfortable, +middle-aged worthies, who were all intimate friends, if not actually +related to each other, and their conversation, though interesting to +themselves, was not thrilling to an outsider. I saw the American's +quick eye dart from one to the other, and hoped he was not classifying +the company as typical English wits! The dinner itself was long, heavy, +and unenterprising; a Victorian feast, even to the "specimen glass" +decorations. One rose and one spray of maidenhair, in a tall thin +glass, before each separate diner. Charmion and the Squire talked and +laughed together, and seemed quite happy. She is a lovely creature when +she is animated; there is a dainty charm about every movement which +makes her seem of a different clay from human creatures. Even to see +Charmion _eat_ is a beautiful thing! + +All the same, that dinner was a trial of patience, and I was thankful +when it was over. In the old-fashioned way, we left the men to their +smoke, and wandered through the drawing-room into a big domed +palm-house, which in its fragrant dimness, with the giant palms reaching +to the very roof, looked much more inviting than the drawing-room with +its glaring incandescent lights. + +The American bride attached herself to me and chatted amusingly enough. +Before her marriage she had lived "out west," so I plied her with +questions about ranch life. Kathie writes regularly enough, but she is +a wretch about answering questions, and is not half detailed enough to +satisfy my curiosity. We stood leaning against one of the tiered +flower-stands, enjoying the scent and the beauty, chatting together so +lightly and calmly, blankly unsuspicious, as we so often are in the big +moments of life, of what lies immediately ahead. Between the spreading +branches I caught sight of Charmion looking at me with raised, inquiring +brows. She had noted my eagerness, and was wondering what point of +interest had been discovered between the wordy American and myself. I +raised my voice, and cried happily:-- + +"Oh, Charmion! Mrs Elliott knows Kathie's home. She has stayed there +herself. I am asking her all about it." + +She smiled, and moved forward as if to join us. Mrs Elliott gave a +little start, and repeated curiously, "_Charmion_! Is Mrs Fane called +Charmion? That's a very unusual name. I have only heard it once +before. Very sweet, isn't it, but association goes for so much!" + +"It does. In this case it makes the name all the more charming." + +"Why, yes, that is so. Mrs Fane is a lovely woman. But I guess I was +less fortunate in my specimen. I never met her myself, but she married +a man I knew well, and--ran away from him on their honeymoon!" + +I laughed. I am so glad I laughed. So glad there was time to say +lightly, "She _was_ soon tired!" before, between the spreading leaves of +a palm, I caught Charmion's eyes--my Charmion!--staring into mine, and +knew that she had overheard--knew more--knew, in a blundering flash of +intuition, that the words which had just been spoken referred to no +stranger, but to herself! Fortunately for us both, Mrs Elliott was +facing me, so she did not see, as I did, the sudden pause, the blanching +face, the dumb appeal of the stricken eyes. + +I flashed back reassurement, and at once led the way forward--out of the +conservatory, back to the drawing-room, affecting to be tired, to want +to sit down. Mrs Elliott followed, unperturbed. It didn't matter to +her where she went, the one indispensable necessity was to talk, and to +have someone to listen. She continued her history with voluble +emphasis. + +"I should think it _was_ soon! Well, I guess she might have thought it +out before she went so far. Too hard on a man to be treated like that. +Kind of humiliates him before his friends, that a woman couldn't put up +with him one month--" + +"I shouldn't worry about _his_ pride," I said curtly. "What about hers? +It would be worse than humiliating for a woman to be _obliged_ to go! +He must have been a poor thing!" + +"Well, I don't know. He was a real popular man. He may have been a bit +careless and extravagant; quite a good many young men are that, but they +settle down into staid, steady-going husbands if the right woman comes +along to help. Doesn't seem to me, Miss Wastneys, that it's _possible_ +for any man to be so bad, that in three weeks the woman who had promised +to stick to him till death should throw up the sponge!" + +It did not seem so to me, either, so I made no comment. I should not +have been human if I had not burned to ask questions, but I would not +allow myself to do it. What Charmion wished me to hear, she would tell +me herself. The time had come when she _would_ tell me. I knew that. +This chance encounter had decided the moment when her silence should be +broken. + +Mrs Elliott smothered a yawn, and straightened a diamond bracelet on +her wrist. The diamonds were massed together so heavily that the weight +dragged them to the inside of her arm, leaving only the plain gold band +in sight, a hiding of treasures which did not please the owner. + +"Well," she said deliberately once more, "I guess it was a real cruel +trick. Whatever he'd done, she put herself in the wrong that time. The +poor fellow's not done a mite of good ever since." + +I had to hold myself tight to prevent a start. _Not done_! She talked +of the man in the present case, as though he were alive, as though-- +stupefying thought!--_Charmion was not a widow after all_! The thought +was stupefying, but even as it passed through my brain, I realised that +no word of her own had been responsible for my conviction that her +husband was dead. It was rather because she never _did_ mention him +that Kathie and I had made so sure that he did not exist. My thoughts +dived into the past, recalling faded impressions. I remembered how +Kathie had said, "She must have loved him dreadfully not to be able to +refer to him even now!" And how I had been silent, fighting the +impression that it was the ghost of sorrow, rather than of joy, which +sealed Charmion's lips. + +The door opened, and the men came into the room. The different groups +broke up and drifted here and there; into the palm-house to look at the +flowers, back into the drawing-room to talk, drink coffee, and glance +surreptitiously at the clock. In this old-fashioned household, no one +thought of providing any other amusement for a dinner party than the +dinner itself. Having been well fed, the guests were expected to amuse +themselves for the hour that remained. In an ordinary way I could have +taken my share in the amusing; I like talking, and am never troubled by +not knowing what to say. Given people to listen, and look appreciative, +I can monologue for an indefinite time. But--to-night! + +Inside the palm-house I could see Charmion's grey figure reclining in a +wicker chair, her face ivory-white against the cushions. She was waving +her fan to and fro, and listening with apparent attention to the +conversation of her companions. I guessed how little she would hear; +how bitter must be the dread at her heart; how endlessly, interminably +long the moments must seem. + +"Miss Wastneys, would you care to see the picture we were talking about +at dinner?" + +It was Mr Maplestone's voice. I looked up and saw him standing by my +side, and rose at once, thankful for any movement which would pass the +time. We left the room together, walked to the end of the long +corridor, and drew up before the picture of an uninteresting old man +with several chins, and the small, steel-blue eyes which seem a family +inheritance. This was a celebrated Romney, which had been the subject +of a protracted law-suit between different branches of the family, which +had cost the losing party over a thousand pounds. I thought, but did +not say, that I would have been obliged to anyone who would have taken +him away, free, gratis, for nothing, rather than that he should hang on +my walls. Spoken comment, under the circumstances, was a little +difficult and halting! + +"This is the Romney." + +"Oh yes." + +"My grandfather." + +"I see. Yes. How interesting." + +He laughed--a short, derisive bark. + +"That's the last thing you can call it! A more uninteresting production +I never beheld. What right had he to waste good canvas? That is one +point in which we do show more common sense than our ancestors. We do +not consider it necessary to inflict our portraits on posterity." + +"No. We don't. At least--" + +He swung round, facing me, with his back to the open drawing-room door, +his face suddenly keen and alert. + +"Miss Wastneys--never mind the picture! I brought you out as an excuse. +I wanted to ask--_Whats the matter_?" + +The question rapped out, short and sharp. I looked at him, made a big +effort to be bright, and natural, and defiant, and realised suddenly +that I was trembling; that, while my cheeks were hot, my hands were cold +as ice; that, in short, the shock and excitement of the last half-hour +was taking its physical revenge. For two straws I could have burst out +crying there and then. It is a ridiculous feminine weakness to be given +to tears at critical moments, but if you have it, you have it, and so +far I have not discovered a cure. I could have kept going if he had +taken no notice, and gone on talking naturally; but that question +knocked me over, so I just stared at him and gulped, and pressed my +hands together, with that awful, awful sensation which comes over one +when one knows it is madness to give way, and yet feels that the moment +after next you are just going to _do_ it, and nothing can stop you! + +I thought of Charmion, sitting calm and quiet in the palm-house; I +thought of that first horrible interview in the inn parlour; I thought +of my heroic ancestors. It was no use; every moment I drew, nearer and +nearer to the breaking-point. I still stared, but the Squire's face was +growing misty, growing into a big, red-brown blur. Then suddenly a hand +gripped my arm, and a voice said sharply:-- + +"Don't cry, please! No necessity to cry. You are tired. I will order +the car. It shall be round in five minutes. You can surely pull +yourself together for five minutes?" + +The voice was like a douche of cold water. I shivered under it, but +felt wonderfully braced. + +"Oh, thank you, but we ordered a fly." + +"That's all right. I'll see to that. No one shall know anything about +it. You will leave earlier than you expected--that's all. I'm sorry"-- +his lean face twitched--"the time has seemed so long!" + +"It's not"--I said feebly--"it's not that!" But he led the way back to +the drawing-room, taking no notice. Five minutes later "Mrs Fane's +carriage" was announced, and we bade a protesting hostess good-night. + +Charmion and I sat silent, hand in hand, all the way home. She felt +cold as ice, but she clung to me; her fingers closed over mine. Just as +we reached our own door she whispered a few words. + +"I'll come to your room, dear. Wait up for me." + +The time had come when I was to hear Charmion's story from her own lips! + + + +CHAPTER THIRTEEN. + +MORE BITTER THAN DEATH. + +Charmion came to my room in her white dressing-gown, with her long hair +hanging plaited down her back. Remembering the icy hands I had held in +mine, I had lit the gas fire, and she cowered gratefully over its +warmth. + +"Kind of you, dear! Warmth is comforting. Well, Evelyn, so the time +has come. I have waited, screwing up my courage; but the hour has been +decided for us." + +"Not unless you choose," I cried hastily. "I would far rather never +hear--" + +She checked me with a wan smile. + +"I _do_ choose. When it is over, it will be a relief. I want you to +know. You will understand better, and I shall not pain you so much, +dear, kind Evelyn, by my harsh ways. So all this time you have believed +that I was a happy widow?" + +The expression jarred. She saw the shrinking in my eyes, and smiled +again, in the same wan, hopeless fashion. + +"Oh, I _mean_ it. Death comes like a sword, but in the end it is +merciful, for it brings peace. The one who is left suffers many pangs, +but in time--in time, learns to be thankful for all that the beloved is +spared. It is the living troubles which sear the heart. I have envied +the widows who could look up and say, `It is well with him. We shall +meet again.' With me it has been all bitterness, all rebellion." + +I sat silent, not daring to interrupt, and after a moment's pause she +began again, speaking in a still, level tone, with hardly any variety of +expression. + +"I am an orphan like you, Evelyn. Both my parents died before I was +fourteen, and I was sent over to America to live with a grandmother +aunt. I was an heiress, unfortunately--you know my views about +riches!--and by my father's will I came into my money at eighteen. My +aunt was a wise woman, and even to her intimate friends she never gave a +hint of my fortune. She was a wealthy woman herself, and had no +daughter, only one son, so it seemed natural that she should give me a +good time, dress me prettily, and take me about. She had a horror of +fortune-hunters, and wanted me to be loved for myself, and be as happily +married as she had been before me. When I came out she brought me over +to London for a season, and I was presented; but that was my one and +only visit to England in fifteen years. I was glad to go back to New +York, for my real friends were there. We had grown up together, and had +the associations of years. In England I had only acquaintances. Well! +So it went on, the happiest of lives, till I was twenty-four. Several +men wanted to marry me, but I never met anyone whom it was possible to +think of as a husband until--" + +"Your husband?" + +"Yes. We were away for the summer--a whole party of us--camping in the +most delicious spot. I wish you could join an American camping party +some time, Evelyn. It's just the happiest, freest, most ideal of lives! +He came down as the guest of some other people. The daughter was one +of my own friends. I thought at first that she cared for him herself, +but he never paid her any attention--not the slightest; rather avoided +her indeed, even before--" + +"He cared for you. Did it begin--_soon_--Charmion?" + +"I cared for him the first moment we met. I was sitting at a long +tea-table set out in the open, and my friend brought him up to a seat +right opposite to mine. She said, `Charmion, this is Phil--Phil, this +is Charmion!' It was one of the rules of the camp that we called each +other by our Christian names. The life was so informal that `Mr' and +`Miss' seemed out of place. I looked up and met his eyes, and--it was +different from anything I had felt before. + +"He came for a week, but he stayed on and on until it was nearly a +month. I can't talk about it, Evelyn. Such times can never last. Even +at the best it is impossible that they can last. Perfect happiness is +not for this world. It was all beautiful. The place where we camped +was like another Garden of Eden; the weather was exquisite, such days, +such mornings! Oh, Evelyn, such nights! The sky a dome of deepest +blue, with the stars shining as you never saw them in this damp, misty +atmosphere. And he and I--" + +Her voice broke. Her hand went up to her face to hide the quivering of +her lips. It was a petrifying thing to see Charmion break down. I +turned away my eyes, unable to bear it. There was silence in the room +for several moments, then she began again. + +"Nothing was said in words. I didn't want him to speak. I was +perfectly happy, perfectly sure, and I dreaded the publicity of an +engagement. Every one talking, questioning, teasing. It would have +seemed profanation. Besides--if Marjorie had really cared as I +suspected, it would have been painful for her. I wouldn't _let_ him +speak until we got back to New York, and then, the very night I arrived, +Aunt Mary was taken dangerously ill. She lingered a few weeks, but +there was never any hope. Then she died and I was left alone, for her +son, my cousin, lived in India. + +"All that time he--my husband--had been coming to see me every day. The +doctor insisted that I should go out to be braced by the fresh air, so +he took me long drives, long walks, and then sat by me indoors, +comforting me, helping, advising. He was everything to me, Evelyn! +Aunt Mary was dying, and she had been like a mother, but when he was +with me I was satisfied; I was content. When she died, he urged an +immediate marriage, and I was quite ready. She had left no money to me, +but I told him I had some of my own. He kissed me, and"--again her hand +went up to hide that quivering lip--"he said that did not concern him. +He could keep his wife. What money I had I must keep for myself, to pay +for `little extravagancies'. + +"I was thankful that he did not know, thankful that he did not care. I +looked forward to telling him after we were married, and seeing his face +of surprise. We had planned to live in an apartment until we had time +to choose a house for ourselves. I laughed to think how much bigger and +finer it would be than the little house of his dreams. He was not at +all rich--did I tell you that? He had had a pretty hard struggle all +his life, and had only quite a moderate income. I went to my lawyer and +settled a fourth of my income on him for life. I knew if we lived in a +bigger way there would be calls upon him which he would not otherwise +have had. Calls for subscriptions, for charities, a dozen other claims. +I hated to think that he should have to come to me for money, or that +cheques should be drawn in my name. He asked me what I was going to +give him as a wedding present, and I laughed, and said, `Nothing +interesting. Only a little note!' The settlement was to be my gift." + +Silence again. I felt for her hand and held it tight? Tragedy was +coming; I knew it. I waited, tense with suspense. + +"We were married very quietly. Only two or three people in the church. +He called for me. It was unconventional, but I was nervous and weak, +and he knew he could give me strength. We went up the aisle together, +hand in hand. The man who was to give me away followed behind. Many +people in America are married in their own homes, but I preferred a +church. I've been sorry since. It has seemed a profanation. To stand +before the altar in God's house and take those solemn vows, while all +the time--all the time--" + +She shuddered, and paused to regain self-possession. + +"Well, Evelyn--well! I had two weeks' happiness, two weeks in my fool's +paradise, and then--the end came! He had gone over to New York for a +day. Some important business had arisen and he was obliged to go. He +said good-bye." She paused again, struggling for composure. "It _was_ +good-bye--good-bye for ever. He did not know that, but he parted from +me as--a husband might from the wife of his heart. It was impossible to +doubt. I was as sure of him, Evelyn--as sure as that the sun is in the +sky! + +"After he had gone a letter was handed to me. I did not know the +writing, but inside--I could not understand it--was a letter in his own +writing. Nothing else, just this one sheet, with one long passage +underscored. I did not stop to think; the words leapt at me, my own +name first of all; and after I had begun to read there was no stopping +short. It was the second sheet of a letter, so I could not tell to whom +it had been written; but evidently it was to a man to whom money was +owing, and who had been pressing for a settlement. It was full of +apologies for having failed to pay before; and then--then came the +passage that had been underlined. Perhaps, he said, in a few months' +time things would look up. _There was a girl_. In a roundabout way, +through an English acquaintance, he had heard that she had a pile of +money, though the fact had been kept dark in America. There was no +doubt about it, since his informant was a member of the legal firm who +had wound up her father's estate. By a stroke of good luck the girl was +staying at a summer camp with some of his own friends. He had +engineered an invitation, and was there at the moment of writing. + +"Think of it, Evelyn--at that very moment I was, perhaps, sitting +innocently by his side. We used to scribble our letters together, +sitting out in the woods, and break off every few minutes to laugh and +chatter. Probably, after it was finished, we walked together to the +nearest post, and as we went he looked at me--_he looked_. Oh!"--she +winced in irrepressible misery--"is it _possible_--is it _possible_ that +any man could act so well? Can you wonder that I am hard and cold--that +I have so little sympathy for outside troubles? I was once as loving +and impetuous as you are yourself, but that shock turned me to stone. +It killed my faith in human nature!" + +She was silent, struggling for composure, and I laid my hand on her +knee, and sat silent, not daring to speak. What was there to say? I +realised now how infinitely more bitter than death was the loss which +Charmion had to bear. + +"Well,"--she roused herself to go on with her story--"you can imagine +the rest. `The heiress was,' he wrote, `_quite a possible girl_,' and +seemed `_agreeably disposed_'. There was evidently no previous +entanglement, and the circumstances were propitious. It was his +intention to go in and win. If it came off he would be in a position to +pay up old scores and to start life afresh. It would be worth giving up +his liberty, to end the everlasting worry of the last ten years. The +letter ended with more promises and his signature. No loophole of doubt +was left, you see. There could be no mistaking that signature. I had +been married exactly two weeks, and had believed myself the happiest +woman in the world. I now discovered that I had been tracked down by an +adventurer, who had married me only because, unfortunately, it was +impossible to get hold of my fortune without putting up with me at the +same time." + +"What did he say, how did he look, when you told him about your money +and the settlement? Of course, you _had_ told him by that time." + +"Not much. Very little indeed. I thought at the time that he was +overwhelmed, and a little sorry that the wealth was on my side. Looking +back, I do him the justice to believe that he was ashamed! Even such a +deliberate schemer might well feel a pang under the circumstances. I +remember that he put his elbows on the table, and hid his face in his +hands. He never alluded to the subject again, neither did I. There +seemed plenty of time. I loved him all the more because he was not +wildly elated. All my life I had been trained to dread fortune-hunters, +to value sincerity above every other virtue." + +"But during those two weeks _after_ you were married, he still seemed +to--_care_? You believed in him still?" + +"Absolutely! Utterly! I must be easily duped, Evelyn, for with all my +heart I believed that that man loved me as deeply as I loved him. Every +word--every look! Oh, he was a finished actor! It all seemed so real-- +so real--" + +"Charmion, after you had read that letter and understood all that it +meant, what did you do?" + +"I went to my room, packed a bag with a few changes of clothing, +collected all the money I had with me, quite a large sum in notes, and +caught the afternoon train for New York. I had no idea where I was +going. My one longing was to escape before he came back, but things +were decided for me. The shock made me faint, and in the heat of the +train I felt worse every hour. When we stopped at a half-way station I +stepped out on to the platform in the same dull, dazed way, hardly +realising what I was doing, and carried my bag out into the street. +Half a mile away I saw a notice of rooms to let in the window of a small +house, and I knocked and went in. + +"I stayed in that house for over six months, Evelyn. The woman was a +saint--the kindliest, gentlest creature I have ever met. I told her +that I was ill and in trouble, and wanted to rest, and she put me to bed +and nursed me like a child. I was a long time in getting well. The +very strings of my being seemed to have snapped. I lay torpid week +after week, and the good soul took care of me and asked no questions. +She was one of those rare spirits who pray to God to guide them day by +day, and mean literally what they ask. God had sent me to her in my +need--that was her firm belief--and what she did for me she did for Him. +I had left no message behind--only that terrible letter sealed up, to +be given to my husband on his return. I heard afterwards that he had +searched for me far and wide, had even crossed over to England, thinking +I must be here. When I was well enough I sent for my aunt's lawyer and +took him into my confidence. He let me know when my husband returned to +America, and as soon as possible after that I came to England myself, +under another name. I was no longer his wife in heart. Why should I +keep a name which was given to me under false pretences? Five years +have passed since then. It seems like a century, and--here I am!" + +"And all this time you have heard nothing? Nothing has happened?" + +"Yes. I have heard. He seems to have--felt it a good deal! It is +always painful to be discovered, and for a man's wife to leave him +before the honeymoon is over is hurtful to his pride. He makes periodic +efforts to find me, but my lawyers are loyal, and will give no clue." + +"And the settlement? The money you made over to him? Does he draw that +still?" + +She flushed and frowned. + +"No. It appears not. He tells the lawyers that he will never touch it. +I suppose if he changed his manner of living it would be remarked, and +people might guess something of the truth. His object is, of course, to +throw all the blame on me." + +The bitterness of her voice hurt me so that I ventured a timid protest. + +"Charmion, I am not taking his part. I think he was contemptible beyond +words; but--_isn't_ it possible that he has regretted, that he has not +taken the money because he was _ashamed_?" + +"Possible, of course; but I should say extremely improbable. However, I +am no longer concerned in his motives. He gave up his liberty for a +certain price, and the price is his. The money accumulates at the bank. +Some day, no doubt, he will find it convenient to draw it." + +I felt a movement of revolt, and cried quickly:-- + +"There is one person I despise even more than the man himself, and that +is the creature who kept that letter, and sent it to you too late to +prevent the marriage! If it were to be done at all, why could it not +have been done before?" + +Her lips curved. + +"Yes. It was very cruel. That was another disillusion, Evelyn. I have +always been convinced that Marjorie was the sender. Probably the letter +had been written to her brother, or to some near relation, and in some +way had come into her possession. She behaved very strangely about our +engagement. But I had been her friend--how she could find it in her +heart! If there had been any possibility of doubt I would have gone +straight to her, and demanded the truth, but--what was the use? The +letter was _there_. I should only have brought more suffering upon +myself. She wanted him for herself, and could not forgive me for taking +him away; but if she had come to me at the beginning, when she saw how +things might go, I should have gone away myself and left the coast +clear. Even if it hurt myself, I should have been loyal to another +woman who had _cared first_! Even now I have done my best for her. I +offered, through my lawyers, to make no objection if he chose to free +himself legally. It _could_ be done in America, you know. I explained +that it would make no difference to the settlement. That was made, and +should remain unchanged!" + +I looked at her sharply, for the sneer in her voice hurt me more than +the pain. + +"Charmion! Forgive me, dearest. You have been cruelly treated, but-- +don't be vexed--aren't you in the wrong, too, in feeling so bitter after +all these years?" + +To my surprise she assented instantly. + +"Oh, yes; very wrong. More wrong than they, perhaps, for I have had so +long to think; and what they did was done on an impulse. Don't think I +excuse myself, Evelyn. I don't! I see quite well how hard and bitter I +am, but--" + +"You can't forgive?" + +She hesitated, her grey eyes gazing into space. + +"What exactly _is_ forgiveness? If by lifting a little finger I could +make him suffer as he has made me, nothing would induce me to do it. If +by lifting a little finger I could bring him happiness and success, I +think--no, I am _sure_ that I would not hesitate. But to purge my heart +of bitterness, that is beyond me! It's always there, deep down, a hard, +hard wall, hiding the light, shutting me out from man--and from God!" + +The last words came in a whisper. I knew the effort with which they +were spoken, and sat silent, clinging to her hand. What could I say? +I, with my easy, sunshiny life; how dared I dictate to her great grief. +And yet I knew--I knew only in one way could peace come back. + +The remembrance of the Vicar's first sermon came back to my heart like a +breath of fresh air. + +"Forgetting the things that are behind!" I said softly. "Couldn't you +try that, Charmion? Forgetting, and--pressing forward! If forgiving +seems beyond you for the moment, couldn't you take the first step?" + +For the first time since she entered the room her face lightened into +something like her own natural smile. + +"Ah, Evelyn, that's like you! Thank you, dear, for the reminder. That +was the text on our first Sunday here. There is one thing I would like +you to know. _You_ have helped me more than anything else. You +attracted me because you possess to excess the very qualities which I +have lost--trust, faith, overflowing kindliness and love. It has been a +tonic to be with you. There have been times--working in the garden by +your side, seeing all the live green things springing out of darkness-- +when I've been happy again, better than happy--_at peace_! But now-- +this upheaval--it has renewed it all. Evelyn, do you think she +suspected? Do you think she will talk?" + +"I am sure she won't. Absolutely sure. She had not a flickering doubt. +The name is different, you see, and she is too much absorbed in herself +and her own affairs to waste any thought upon us. In a few days they +sail for India." + +"Yes." She drew a sigh of relief. "That's good. I'm thankful. It +would have been so hard to be uprooted again. But you can understand, +Evelyn, that for a time--" She rose, stretched herself to her full +height, and threw out her arms restlessly. "The roving fit is on me. I +must be off into the wilds and fight it out by myself." + +I had known it was coming--subconsciously had known it for weeks, but it +was hard all the same. We had been so happy, and in six short months my +roots seemed to have gone down surprisingly deep. I hated the idea of +leaving "Pastimes," but I reminded myself that it was only for a time-- +only for a time. + +"_Of course_" Charmion assured me heartily. "It is August now. We will +make a rendezvous for Christmas. Perhaps I may turn up before that, +like a bad penny, but you may depend on me for Christmas. You--you will +go to your flat, Evelyn?" + +I nodded silently. The Pixie scheme had for the moment lost its charm, +but I would not give in. + +"Silly one!" murmured Charmion fondly. "You dear goose! Well, good +luck to you. May you make other people as happy as you have made me." + + + +CHAPTER FOURTEEN. + +A YOUNG WIFE'S DILEMMA. + +Not another word about herself did Charmion say, but she began at once +to make preparations for going abroad, and before a week is over she +will be off. She has friends in Italy, it appears, and will probably +spend some time near them, but even I am only to have an official +address, from which letters are to be forwarded. She warns me that I +may hear very seldom, since when a "dark mood" is on, the very essence +of a cure seems to be to hide herself in utter solitude. + +Well, I also am going to hide, and to shelter myself behind an official +address, so I ought not to complain; but all the same I do feel lorn and +lone. First Kathie torn away to another continent, and now Charmion, +who is so wonderfully dear! The next thing will be that Bridget will +announce, some fine morning, that she is going to marry the gardener! I +told her so, in a moment of dejection, and she petrified me by replying +calmly:-- + +"Indeed, and he's been after pestering me to do it since the moment we +set foot. There's a deal worse things I might do!" + +"_Bridget_!" I gasped; and I lay back in my chair. I had spoken in the +most absolute unbelief. There were no illusions between Bridget and me, +each knew the other's age to an hour, and Queen Anne herself had not +seemed to me more dead to romance than my staid maid. I stared at her +broad, worn face, her broad, elderly figure in a petrified surprise. + +"Bridget, do you really mean--do you honestly mean that you like him, +too?" + +She simpered like any bit of a girl. + +"And why wouldn't I be liking him, Miss Evelyn? Isn't he the fine +figure of a man, and as pleasant a way with him as if he'd been Irish +himself?" + +"But, Bridget, you're forty-five! Do women--can women--is it possible +to--to _care_ at forty-five?" + +Bridget chuckled; not a bit offended, but simply amused and superior. + +"What's forty-foive, but the proime of life? _Care_--are you asking? +'Deed, it's not forty-five that's going to see a heart frozen stiff. Ye +mind me of the old dame of eighty, who was asked what was the age when a +woman stopped caring about a man. `'Deed,' says she, `I can't tell ye +that. You'll have to be asking someone older than me!'" + +She laughed again, and I took my turn at looking superior. + +"Then, of course, under the circumstances, you will not be inclined to +come with me to town?" + +"'Deed, and I will then. I'd rather be with you than any man that +walks. And besides," added Bridget shrewdly, "won't he be all the +keener for doing without me a bit?" + +I jumped up and marched out of the room, feeling jarred and irritated, +and utterly out of sympathy. That's the worst of being a spinster, you +can never count on your companions as a continuance! Kathie left me at +the invitation of a man she had known a few months; Charmion regards me +as a narcotic to distract her thoughts from another man, and flies off +the moment his memory becomes troublesome; and now even Bridget! Men +are a nuisance. They upset everything. + +I've come to the vicarage. When Delphine heard of our departure from +"Pastimes" she developed a sudden and violent desire to have me for a +visitor for a short time before I left. She is nervy and depressed +("tired out after her hard work!" the dear Vicar translates it), and has +got it into her head that my society is the one and only thing that can +set her right. It is flattering, and convenient into the bargain, for +we are lending "Pastimes" to the widow of a poor clergyman, and it will +be a help to her to have me at hand until she has settled down. It +seemed a waste of good things to leave the house empty through all the +lovely autumn months. This poor soul is delighted to come; we are +delighted to have her; the cook and housemaid are--_resigned_ to the +change of mistress; more one cannot expect. + +I've been here a week, and am already endorsing the theory that you can +never really know a person until you have lived together beneath the +same roof. Before I came, I thought the Vicar as nearly perfect a +husband as a man could be, and Delphine about as unsatisfactory a wife. +Now, after studying them for one short week, I have modified both +opinions. She is a lovable, warm-hearted, well-meaning, weak, vain, +dissatisfied child! He is a very fine, a very noble, a very blind, and +irritatingly inconsiderate man! On Wednesday he ordered dinner an hour +earlier for his own convenience, and he never came home at all. On +Friday he said he would be out all day, and walked in at one o'clock, +bringing three visitors in his train, demanding a hot lunch. He also, +it appears, is difficult about money, which is not in any sense meant to +imply that he is mean, but simply that he wishes to give away as much as +possible to other people, and to deny his own household in order to be +able to do it. I was in the room one day when Delphine presented the +monthly bills, and his face was a network of worry and depression. The +grocer's book was not included; he asked for it, and said it had been +missing some time. Delphine prevaricated. I knew as well as if I'd +been told that she was afraid to show it! + +After he had gone out her mood changed. She lifted the little red books +from the table, flung them one after the other to the ceiling, caught +them with an agile hand, and sent them spinning into the corner of the +room. This done, she danced round the table, came to a standstill in +front of my chair, and defiantly snapped her fingers. + +"I--don't--care! I don't care a snap! I've done my best, and now I +shan't worry any more. It isn't as if it were necessary. He could +allow me more if he chose. Why should a man stint his wife to give the +money away to outsiders? Charity begins at home. He expects me to +manage on a pittance, yet there must always be plenty of everything-- +soup to send at a moment's notice to anyone who is ill, puddings and +jellies. And all the stupid old bores coming to meals. Could _you_ +keep house for this household on--" + +I was startled at the smallness of the sum she mentioned; horrified when +I contrasted it with our own bills at "Pastimes." + +"My dear--no! My opinion of you has gone up by leaps and bounds if you +can keep anywhere near that. You manage wonderfully. I had no idea you +were so clever!" + +"Oh, well!" she said uncomfortably. "Oh, well, perhaps not so clever as +you think. One gets tired of struggling after the impossible. In for a +penny, in for a pound! Life is too short to worry oneself over +halfpennies. I shall tell the men to send in the books quarterly after +this. I'm tired of being hectored every month. Better get it over in +one big dose." + +I thought of the Vicar's pensive "Darling, isn't this very high?" and +laughed at the idea of "hectoring"; but the quarterly bills seemed a +dangerous remedy. + +"Won't your husband object? Men hate bills to run on." + +"Oh!" she waved a complacent hand, "I'll put him off. He'll remember +every now and then, and then it will float out of his mind. It's always +an effort to Jacky to come down to mundane things. Evelyn, be warned by +me, and never, never marry an unworldly man. It's impossible to live +with them with any peace or comfort." + +"Well, if I do, I'll see to it that he is worldly enough to understand +household bills. I'll keep house for a month within his own limits, and +let him see how he likes the fare." + +Delphine stared. + +"Jacky wouldn't mind. So long as there was enough to give away, he'd +eat cold meat, and mashed potatoes, and contentment withal, every day of +the week, and never complain. I should punish myself, not him, Evelyn." +She subsided on the floor at my feet, laid her hands on my knee, and +lifted her flushed, childish face to mine. Such a delicate rose-leaf of +a face, more like a child's than that of a grown-up woman. "Now that +you've stayed here, and seen for yourself what it's like, truthfully, +aren't you just a little sorry for me? Week after week, month after +month, always the same routine of meeting and parish work, and keeping +house. It is Jacky's work--his vocation; but for me, a girl of +twenty-two, do you think it is quite _fair_?" + +"I don't think you ought to ask me such questions. I would rather not +interfere," I said feebly. I knew it was feeble, but it is a very, very +delicate business to interfere between husband and wife, and moreover +the blame seemed fairly evenly divided. The Vicar had undoubtedly made +a mistake in marrying a young girl for her beauty and charm, without +considering if she were a true helpmeet for his life's work. Delphine +had undoubtedly made a mistake in "never thinking" of her future as a +clergyman's wife; and now he was blindly expecting a miraculous +transformation of the butterfly into a drone, while the butterfly was +poising her wings, impatient for flight. I sat silent, and Delphine +said pettishly:-- + +"I don't ask you to interfere. Only to sympathise. Is this a life for +a girl of my age?" + +"It depends entirely upon the girl and her ideas of `life'. Some girls +would--" + +"What?" + +"Love what you call `parish'. Find in it her greatest interest." + +She stared at me, the colour slowly mounting to her face. Her voice +dropped to a whisper. + +"Yes, I know. If I were good, and really cared! Evelyn, I am going to +confess something dreadful. At home, when I had no responsibility, I +cared far more than I do now. I thought it would be the other way +about, but the feeling that I _must_ do things, _must_ go to meetings +and committees, _must_ go to church for all the services, makes me feel +that I'd rather not! I daren't say so to Jacky. He'd be so grieved. +I'm grieved myself. I daren't tell anyone but you. Do you think any +clergyman's wife ever felt the same before?" + +I laughed. + +"I'm sure of it! Thousands of them. It's not right to expect a +clergyman's wife to be an unpaid curate--plus a housekeeper, and it +needs special grace to stand a succession of committees. How would it +be to drop some of the most boring duties and concentrate upon the +things that you could do with all your heart? You'd be happier, and +would do more good!" + +"Do you think I should?" She clutched eagerly at the suggestion. +"Really, I believe you are right. As you say, I have not the strength +to play the part of an unpaid curate." + +But that misquotation roused me, and I contradicted her sharply. + +"Excuse me! I said nothing of the sort. You are strong enough to do +anything you chose. It is not strength that is wanting, but--" + +"Go on! You might as well finish, now you've begun. But what?" + +"_Love_!" + +She gave a little gasp of astonishment. + +"Love! For whom?" + +"Your neighbours. Your husband. God!" + +"Oh, _it you_ are going to preach next!" she cried impatiently. She +jumped up from her seat, whirled round, and flounced from the room. + +Mr Maplestone came in to tea. He is quite a frequent visitor here I +find. Besides the fact that he is a vicar's churchwarden, it appears +that he has known Delphine since she was a child, so that he is +absolutely at home with her, and evidently very fond of her, too, in a +cousinly, elder-brotherly, absolutely matter-of-fact way. The first +time I saw him was quite early one morning when, hearing unusual sounds +of merriment from the dining-room, I opened the door, and beheld the +Vicar seated in an arm-chair, looking on with much amusement, while the +Squire held a box of chocolates in one upraised hand, and Delphine +capered round him, snatching, and leaping into the air like an excited +little dog. It was a festive little scene until my head came peeping +round the corner of the door, and then the fun collapsed like the +pricking of a bubble. The Squire's face fell, likewise his hand; he +jerked stiffly to attention, stiffly handed over the chocolates, stiffly +bowed to me, stared at my uncovered head. + +"Oh, I didn't tell you! Evelyn is staying here for a fortnight before +going away." + +He mumbled. I mumbled. The Vicar rose from his seat and made for the +door. + +"Well, we shall see you to lunch to-morrow, Ralph. I have several +points to discuss. Delphine, we shall meet at the Parish Room at +twelve?" + +"Oh! That committee? I suppose so," Delphine said ungraciously. She +tore open her box, helped herself to the largest chocolate in the centre +row, and offered me the next choice. Ralph Maplestone took up his hat. + +"Oh, for goodness sake, don't you run away, too! _You_ haven't a +committee. There are heaps of things I want to say still. Ralph"--she +went to his side and stared eagerly in his face--"did you mean what you +said the other day, about teaching me to ride?" + +"Why not?" he said easily. "If you'd care about it, I'd be only too +glad. Bess would carry you well, and she's as safe as a house. You +could come up and practise in the park. If I were busy, Jevons could +take you round. He'd teach you quite as well, or better, than I should +myself." + +"Oh!"--she beamed at him, a picture of happiness--"it will be fine! +I've always longed to ride. And afterwards, when I'm quite good--I feel +it in my bones that I _shall_ be good--will you still--" + +He laughed good-naturedly. He is extraordinarily good-natured to +Delphine. + +"Lend you Bess? Certainly. As often as you like. Do her good to have +the exercise." + +"And when I'm _very_ good--very good indeed--will you--" + +He shook his head. + +"Ah, hunting is a different matter. Rather a responsibility. What? We +must see what John says. In the meantime, you'll get a habit?" + +"Yes." She glanced at me quickly, and glanced away. "Where shall I go? +Would Matthews--" + +Matthews was the local tailor. The Squire waved aside the suggestion +with masculine scorn. + +"Certainly not. Do the thing properly when you are about it. Nothing +worse than a badly-cut habit. Better go up to town!" + +Again Delphine glanced at me. The obvious thing was for me to return +her invitation and invite her to stay with me for the transaction, but +obviously I couldn't do it. Moreover I did not _want_ to, so I stared +blankly before me, and resigned myself to being thought a mean thing. + +"Oh, well--I'll manage somehow," Delphine said in a tone of finality, +which was obviously intended to stop the discussion. + +Mr Maplestone looked at me and said:-- + +"Mrs Fane has already left, I believe. I suppose you will join her +later." + +"I think not. She has gone abroad. I shall remain in England." + +Delphine gave a short, irritable laugh. I had annoyed her, and +child-like, she wished to hit back. + +"Abroad, and England! That's all the address we are vouchsafed. Mrs +Fane and Miss Wastneys evidently wish to shake off the dust of this +village as soon as they drive away from `Pastimes'. Even if we wish to +communicate with them, we shall not be able to do it." + +"Oh, yes, Delphine, you will," I contradicted. "I have told you that +letters will always reach us through our lawyers." + +"Lawyers!" she repeated eloquently. "As if one could send ordinary +letters in a roundabout way like that! I wouldn't dare to write through +a lawyer, unless it were a matter of life and death. I must say, +Evelyn, you are queer! When we have got to know each other so well, +too!" + +"You thought it `queer' that Charmion and I should live here together; +and now you think it `queer' when we go away. Isn't that a little +unreasonable?" + +"It is `queer' to be so mysterious about where you are going. People +ordinarily--" + +"Very well, then! We are _not_ ordinary. Let us leave it at that. It +is much more interesting to be mysterious. Perhaps we are really two +authors of world-wide fame, who but ourselves in the country for a short +rest now and then between our dazzling spells of industry." + +Delphine gaped, hesitated, then laughed complacently. + +"Oh, well, Mrs Fane is the sort of person who might be _anything_. But +not you, Evelyn; certainly not you! You are not--" + +"What?" + +"Clever enough!" she cried bluntly. The next minute, with one of the +swift, child-like impulses which made her so lovable, she threw her arms +round my neck and kissed me vehemently. "But you are good--good and +kind. That's better than all the cleverness. Forgive me, Evelyn; I'm a +rude, bad-tempered thing. Kiss and be friends!" + +Ralph Maplestone seized his hat and marched out of the room. + + + +CHAPTER FIFTEEN. + +A STARTLING PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE. + +His afternoon the Squire, in his capacity of churchwarden, spent an hour +with the Vicar in his study, and then joined us for tea on the lawn. It +was a hot, airless, summer afternoon, and we were all rather silent and +disinclined to eat, and I felt my eyes wandering to the big grey car +which stood waiting outside the gate and wishing--many things! + +I wished that I had a car of my own. I wished I had my dear old Dinah, +on whose back I had been wont to roam the country-side. So long as +Charmion and the garden had absorbed my attention I had been contented +enough, but now an overwhelming restlessness seized me. I was tired of +the slow movement of my own feet. I longed to move quickly, to feel the +refreshing rush of air on my cheeks once more. I wished the +woman-hating, unappreciative Ralph Maplestone, had been a kind, +considerate, understanding, put-your-self-in-her-place sort of man, who +would have offered his time, and his car, and his services as chauffeur. + +"Delphine, would you like to have a run in the car for a couple of hours +or so before dinner?" + +We jumped on our chairs, Delphine and I, automatically, like +marionettes, the one from pleasure, the other from surprise. Had he +seen? Had he noticed? The light blue eyes stared coolly ahead. For +pure callous indifference their expression could not have been beaten. +Coincidence! Nothing more. + +"Oh, Ralph, you dear! How angelic of you! I should love it of all +things. It's so close and stuffy in this garden. It will be perfectly +delicious to have a blow. Which way shall we go?" + +"If you are not in a hurry we might get as far as the ponds." He +paused, frowned, glanced hesitatingly towards me. "Perhaps Miss +Wastneys--Is there any special place you would like to see?" + +"Dearest!" the Vicar's voice broke gently into the conversation, "I'm +sorry, but was not it this afternoon you arranged to meet Mrs Rawlins +at the `Hall,' to discuss the new coverings for the library books? I +think you said half-past five. It is nearly five now. You would not +have time." + +"I can send down word that I can't come. I'll meet her to-morrow at the +same time." + +"I think not." The Vicar's face set; his voice did not lose its gentle +tone, but it was full of decision. "I think not. Mrs Rawlins is a +busy woman, and she has a long distance to come. You would not wish to +inconvenience her for the sake of a trifling pleasure!" + +Delphine gave him a look, the look of a thwarted child, flushed to the +roots of her hair, and turned hastily aside. Open rebellion was +useless, but it spoke in every line of her body, every movement of the +small, graceful head. I was sorry for her, for being young and feminine +myself, I could understand how dull was the claim of linen covers for +injured bindings, compared with that swift, exhilarating rush. I looked +at the Vicar, and began pleadingly, "Couldn't I--"; then the Squire +looked at me, pulled out his watch, and said sharply:-- + +"Ten minutes to five. Hurry up, Delphine! If you put on your hat at +once you can have half an hour. It will freshen you up for your duties. +I'll land you at the `Hall,' and"--he switched his eyes on me with a +keen, gimlet-like glance--"take Miss Wastneys a little further while you +are engaged." + +I blinked, but did not speak; Delphine frowned; the Vicar said happily, +"That will do well. That will do very well! Now, darling, we shall all +be pleased!" + +Deluded man! Two less-pleased-looking females it would have been +difficult to find, as we made our way to the house, and up the narrow, +twisting staircase. Delphine was injured at the prospective shortness +of her drive; I was appalled at the length of mine. Why had he asked +me? Why hadn't I refused, and what--oh! what should we ever find to +say? + +"It's always the same thing; if a bit of pleasure comes along, there's +bound to be a committee meeting in the way! Half an hour! Pleased, +indeed! I've always been longing for Ralph to take me drives, and now +that he has been disappointed like this, the very first time, is he +likely to try again? Of course, Evelyn" (tardy sense of hospitality!) +"I am glad for you to have the change. It's awfully good of him." + +"Quite heroic, isn't it?" I said tartly, as I turned into my room. No +doubt the poor man was disappointed, but she need not have rubbed it in! +I leave it to psychologists to decide whether or no there was any +connection between my natural annoyance at the slight, and the fact that +I went to the trouble of opening a special box in order to put on my +best and newest motor bonnet and coat; but there it is, I did do it, and +they were all the more becoming for the accompaniment of flushed cheeks +and extra bright eyes. The colour was a soft dove grey, the bonnet a +delicious concoction of drawn silk, which looked as if it had begun life +meaning to adorn a Quaker's head, and had then suddenly succumbed to the +fascinations of a pink lining and a wreath of tiny pink roses. When +Delphine came into the room a moment later, she stopped short on the +threshold, and gasped with astonishment. + +"Goodness!" Her face flushed, she stared with wide, bright eyes; +admiring, critical, disapproving, all at once. "Evelyn, what a get up! +I never saw anything like it. You look--you look--" + +"Well! How do I look?" + +There was an edge in my voice. She felt it, and softened at once, in +her quick lovable fashion. + +"You look a duck! Simply a duck. But, my dear, it's too good! Why +waste it here? Any old thing will do for these lanes. There's time to +change!" + +"I don't intend to change," I said obstinately, and at that very moment +there sounded an imperious whistle from below. Without another word we +marched downstairs and out to the front gate, where the two men stood +waiting beside the car. Automatically their eyes rolled towards my +bonnet; the Vicar smiled, and bent his head in a courtly little bow, +which said much without the banality of words. The Squire had no +expression! Whether he approved, disapproved, or furiously disliked, he +remained insoluble as the Sphinx. Oh, some day--somehow--some one--I +hope, will wake him into life, and whoever she is, may she shake him +well up, and ride rough-shod over him for a long, long time before she +gives in! He _needs_ taking down! + +After a faint--very faint--protest, Delphine took her seat in front, +while I sat in solitary state inside, leaning back against the cushions +with an outward appearance of ease, but inwardly uncomfortably conscious +of a heart which beat more quickly than necessary. This was all very +well, but what next? What was to happen when the half-hour was up, and +Delphine went off to her library books and left us alone? + +Could I sit still where I was? It would seem absurd, not to say +discourteous. Would he ask me to change seats? Would he expect me to +suggest it? Suppose he did? Suppose he didn't? And when we were +settled, what should I find to say? My mind mentally rehearsed possible +openings. "How beautiful the country is looking." + +"English villages are so charming." + +"How was the General when you saw him last?" On and on like a whirligig +went the silly, futile thoughts, while before me the two heads wagged, +and nodded, and tossed, and a laughing conversation was kept up with +apparently equal enjoyment on both sides. Delphine had a child's +capacity for enjoying the present; even when the car pulled up and she +alighted before the door of the "Parish Hall," the smile was still on +her face. The little treat had blown away the cobwebs; she was +refreshed and ready, if not precisely anxious, for work. + +"Thanks awfully, Ralph. That was as good as a hundred tonics! I do +think a car is a glorious possession." Then she looked at me and nodded +encouragingly. "Now it is your turn! It's ever so much more fun in +front. Ralph will be quite proud of sitting beside your bonnet!" + +So after all neither of us said it, and I should never have the +satisfaction of knowing if he had meant-- + +He opened the door, and I meekly got out and took the other seat. What +was the use of making a fuss? Delphine disappeared behind the oak door, +the engines whirled, and we were off again, steaming out of the village, +and down the sloping road which led to the lovely sweep of the heath, +the speed steadily increasing, until we were travelling at a good forty +miles an hour. Four milestones flashed past before either of us spoke a +word; then in desperation I made a beginning. + +"She needs change, doesn't she? It's quite touching to see how it +cheers her up." + +"She?" he repeated. "Who?" He turned his eyes on me as he spoke, and +they were absolutely, genuinely blank. Astounding as it appeared, he +really did not know. + +"Delphine, of course! Who else could I mean?" + +"Oh-oh. Yes, I had forgotten all about her." + +He might have been talking of a fly that for a moment had buzzed by his +side. The cruel indifference of his manner stung me into quick retort. + +"Yet you seemed very kind--you _were_ very kind to her a few minutes +ago. Do you always forget so quickly?" + +A movement of his hand reduced the speed of the engine. We had left the +village far behind, and the wide high road stretched before us like a +brown ribbon, sloping gently up and down the grassy slopes. For miles +ahead there was not a soul in view. Ralph Maplestone stared at me and I +stared back at him. Seen close at hand, his plain face had an +attraction of its own. It looked strong and honest; its tints were all +fresh and clean, speaking of a healthy, out-of-door life. No little +child had ever clearer eyes. They didn't look so stern as I had +believed. + +"What have I to remember? Delphine came for a drive; I'm glad she +enjoyed it, but it is over. Why should I think of her any more?" + +"Oh, no reason at all!" I said testily. I felt testy, as if from a +personal injury. "Only when one has a friend, it is agreeable to +believe that out of sight is not immediately out of mind. But, of +course, I am a woman. Women's memories are proverbially longer than +men's." + +The speed slackened still further. Now we were rumbling along at a +speed which made conversation easy. The blue eyes gave me another keen +glance. + +"Women burden their memories with a thousand trivialities. Men brush +them aside, and keep to the few that count. In the big things of life +they are less forgetful than women!" + +I smiled, a slow, superior smile, and spoke in a forbearing voice:-- + +"Do you think you--er--_really_ understand very much about women?" + +"No--I don't. How can I? I don't know any," he replied bluntly, and +the answer was so surprisingly, illogically different from what I +expected, that involuntarily I laughed, and went on laughing while he +stammered and tried to explain. + +"Of course I have my opinion--every fellow has. One has eyes. One +can't go through life without _seeing_. But, personally, it's quite +true. I _don't_ know any. Never have done!" + +"Your mother?" + +"You would think so, but we are too much alike--tongue-tied--can't say +what we feel. She is more at home with my sister, who chatters from +morning till night, and has no reticences, no susceptibilities. We care +for each other; to a point we are good friends, but beyond that-- +strangers." + +I didn't laugh any more. + +"Your sister, then. Don't you two--?" + +"No. She was educated abroad. She married the year she came out. She +lives in Scotland. Nominally we are brother and sister; actually the +merest acquaintances. She's a nice girl--generous, affectionate. But +we don't touch." + +"Delphine?" + +"That child!" His shoulders moved with a gesture of dismissal, as if +the suggestion was too absurd for discussion. Poor Delphine, how her +vanity would have suffered if she had been there at the moment! I +suppose my face was expressive, for he added in quick explanation: +"She's a nice child. I'm fond of her, but she is still waiting to grow +up. It's perfectly true, Miss Wastneys, I know no women. They have +been a sealed book to me." + +I was sorry for the big lonely thing. It must be hard to be born with a +temperament which keeps one closed, as it were, within iron doors, while +all the time the poor hungry soul longs to get out. I felt glad that I +was made the other way round. At the same time it seemed a good +opportunity to put in a word for my own sex. I straightened my back, +and tried to look solemn and elderly. I spoke in deep, impressive +tones:-- + +"Mr Maplestone, I'm sorry, but you are illogical. You acknowledge that +this is a subject about which you know nothing, yet almost in the same +breath you criticise and condemn. Men blame women for having no sense +of justice, but they are just as bad. They are worse, and with less +excuse. Women's perceptions are so keen that they see every side of a +situation, so it happens sometimes that they get confused, and appear +contradictory. Men are so blind that they only see _one_ side--their +own side--and in utter ignorance of all the others they proceed to lay +down the law. For my part, I prefer the woman's standpoint." + +Such a blankly amazed face stared into mine! The blue eyes widened, a +glimpse of strong white teeth showed between the parted lips. He gaped +like a child, and said vaguely:-- + +"Yes, but--I don't understand! That may all be quite true, but what on +earth has it got to do with what we were talking of last?" + +I bridled. Nothing on earth is more exasperating than to enlarge on +one's own pet theories, and then to find that they have fallen flat. I +made my voice as chilling as possible. + +"To me the connection seems obvious." + +"Sorry. My stupidity, I suppose. I fail to grasp it. Will you +explain?" + +"You said that Delphine was not a woman. If that is so, it's her +husband's fault--and yours! And every other man's with whom she comes +in contact. You all treat her like a child, and expect her to behave as +a child, and then turn round and abuse her because she dances to your +tune." + +"Excuse me. Who abuses her?" + +"You did. You said--" + +"I said she was a charming child of whom I was very fond. Is that +abuse?" + +"In the--er--the connection in which you used it--in the way in which +you said it, and meant it, and avoided saying something else--yes, it +is." + +For a moment he looked as if he were going to laugh, then met my eyes, +thought better of it, and grunted instead. + +"Sorry. Again I don't quite follow. But no doubt it is my illogical +mind. I should be interested to know in what way you hold me +responsible for Delphine's shortcomings?" + +"I have just told you. You treat her as a child who must be fed on +sweetmeats, and bribed with treats and diversions; conversationally you +talk down to her level. It never occurs to you to expect her to be in +earnest about any one thing." + +"Well?" + +"Well! Isn't that enough? Can't you see how such an attitude must +affect her character and development?" + +"No, I can't. To my mind it wouldn't matter what the whole world +thought. For good or ill, I stand for myself. What other people +happened to think about me wouldn't affect me one jot." + +I said loftily:-- + +"You are a man. Women are different. We _do_ care. We _are_ affected. +That's why it is so dreadfully important that we should be understood. +I know it by experience. In different surroundings, with different +people, I myself am two or three totally different women--" + +He asked no questions, but looked at me, silent, expectant, and lured by +that fatal love of talking about oneself which exists in so many +feminine hearts, I fell into the trap, and prattled thoughtlessly on:-- + +"At home with my younger sister, I was the one who had all the +responsibility and management. She depended on me. I was the Autocrat +of the Household, and everything I said was law." + +"You would like that?" + +I gave him a withering glance. + +"Pray what makes you think so?" + +"You like your own way, don't you? I--er--I have received that +impression." + +"I was about to add," I said coldly, "that, since I have lived at +`Pastimes,' I have not had my own way at all. I have not wanted it. +Mrs Fane's character is stronger than mine. I have been content to +abdicate in her favour. If you asked her opinion of me, she would +probably tell you that I was too pliable--too easily influenced." + +Silence. The blunt, roughly-hewn profile stared stolidly ahead. A +granite wall would have shown as much expression. I was seized with an +immense, a devastating curiosity to discover what he was thinking. I +fixed my eyes steadily upon him, mentally willing him to turn round. + +He knew I was doing it. I could see the red rise above his collar rim, +and mount steadily to his ears. + +He was determined that he would not speak. I was equally determined +that he should. + +"Mr Maplestone! I am waiting for a remark." + +"Miss Wastneys, I--er--I have no remark to make." + +"You don't recognise me in the latter _role_?" + +"I--er--I can't say that I do! On the few occasions on which we have +met, you have appeared to me to be abundantly--er--to be, in short, the +ruling spirit." + +I thought of that first interview in the inn when the brunt of the +bargaining had fallen on me; I thought of the tragic evening at the +"Hall," when I had arranged a hurried departure, without apparently +consulting Charmion's wishes. Appearances were against me, and it was +impossible to explain them away. I said, in a cross, hurt voice:-- + +"Oh, of course, you think me everything that is disagreeable and +domineering. It is just as I said--men see only one thing, and it +colours their whole view. If I lived a lifetime of meekness and +self-abnegation, you would never forget that affair of the lease. And +it was your own fault, too! You were the unreasonable one, not I; but +all the same, you have never forgiven. Delphine told me how much you +disliked me." + +His eyes met mine, frankly, without a flicker of shame. + +"Did she? That was wrong of her. She had no business to repeat--" + +"You acknowledge it, then! You _did_ say so?" + +"I did. Oh, yes. It's quite true." + +It was a shock. At that moment I realised that, in my vanity, I had +never really believed Delphine's statement. The Squire had made some +casual remark which she had misunderstood, misquoted--such had been the +subconscious explanation with which I had assuaged my complacency; but +now out of his own lips, openly, unhesitatingly, the verdict was +confirmed! I felt as if a pail of water had been emptied over my head. + +"And you--you really meant--" + +"If I had not meant it, I should hardly have said--" + +"I can't think why! What had I done? If it was that affair of the +lease--" + +"It was not. I was amazed at the time, but I got over that. It was +just--" + +"What?" + +"It is difficult to say. It's not an easy subject to discuss. Need we +go on?" + +"I think so. I think it is my right. In justice to myself, I think you +ought to tell me how I have made myself so disagreeable. It might be +useful to me in the future!" + +For all answer he steered the car to the side of the road, brought it to +a standstill, and descended from his seat. There was an air of +deliberation about the proceeding which sent a shiver down my spine. +The inference was that the enumeration of my faults was so lengthy a +business that it could not be undertaken by a man who had other work in +hand. I sat in nervous fascination, watching him slowly cross to my +side of the car, lean forward, and place both hands on the screen. His +face was quite close to mine. It looked suddenly white and tense. He +opened his lips and spoke:-- + +"Evelyn, will you be my wife?" + +If I live to be a hundred, never--no, never shall I forget the electric +shock of that moment! To be prepared to listen to a lecture on one's +faults and failings, and to hear in its place a proposal of marriage-- +could anything be more paralysing? And to have it hurled at one with no +warning, no preliminary "leading up," and from Ralph Maplestone of all +people--the most reserved, the most unsusceptible, the most woman-hating +of mankind! I sat petrified, unable to move or to speak, unable to do +anything but stare, and stare, and stare, and listen with incredulous +ears to a string of passionate protestations. Half of what he said was +lost in the dazed bewilderment of the moment, but what I _did_ hear, +went something like this:-- + +"You are the first woman--the only woman. Before you came I was +content. Since we met, I have been in torment. You woke me up. When a +man is roused from a trance it gives him pain. You brought pain to me-- +sleeplessness, discontent, a craving that grew and grew. I wished we +had never met--you had upset my life; I believed that I hated you for +it. Delphine questioned me. It was then I told her that I disliked +you. I meant it--I _thought_ I meant it! I longed for you to disappear +and leave me in peace, yet all the time I thought of you more and more. +Your smile! Whenever we met, you smiled, and the remembrance of it +followed me home. Wherever I went your face haunted me. I planned to +go away, to travel, to break myself loose; but it was no use, I could +not go. I dreaded to see you, but I dreaded more to go away. I hung +about the places you might pass. That dress with the flounces! I could +see the blue of it coming toward me through the branches. That night +you were ill! All the colour went out of your cheeks. I would have +given my life--my life! I have never loved before. I did not know what +love meant, but you have taught me. You have waked me from sleep. I'm +not good enough--a surly brute! Couldn't expect any girl to care; but +for seven years--twice seven years--I'd serve, I'd wait. Oh, my +beautiful, my beautiful--if you could see yourself! How can I stay +here, and let you go? Marry me! Marry me! This week, to-morrow--what +are conventions to us? I'll be good to you. All the love of my life is +waiting--I've never squandered it away. It has been stored up in my +heart for you." + +I held up my hand, imploring him to stop. + +"Oh, Mr Maplestone, don't! It's all a mistake. It must be! How can +you care? You know so little of me; we have met so seldom. How can you +possibly know that you would like me as a wife?" + +He gave a quick, excited laugh. + +"It's all true what those poet fellows write about love! I used to +laugh and call it nonsense; but when it comes to one's own turn, it's +the truest thing in the whole world! How do I know? I can't tell you, +Evelyn; but I _do_ know. It's just the one certain fact in life. I +want you! I'm going to have you!" + +He stretched out his arms as if to seize me then and there, and I shrank +back, looking, I suppose, as I felt, frightened to death, for instantly +his manner changed, his arms dropped to his side, and he cried in the +gentlest, softest of tones:-- + +"Don't be frightened of me! Don't be frightened! Forgive me if I seem +rough. Rough to _you_! Oh, my sweet, give me a chance to show what I +could be! You have done enough caring for other people; now let me take +care of you! Be my wife, _Evelyn_!" + +It was all too painful and miserable, and--yes, too beautiful to put +into words. I cried, and said, No! no! I was sorry, but I didn't love +him; I had never thought. There was no one else--oh, no; but it was +hopeless all the same. I could never--never--Oh, indeed, I was not +worth being miserable about. He must forget me. On Wednesday I was +going away. He would find when I was not there that he would soon +forget. + +He looked at me with sad, stern eyes. + +"That's not true! You know it's not true. I am not the sort to forget. +And if there is no one else, why should I try? Evelyn, you don't know +me, if you think one `no' will put me off. I said I would wait seven +years, and I meant what I said. If you go away, I shall follow. What's +this nonsense of leaving no address? Do you imagine, if I choose to +look for you, you can hide yourself from ME?" + +He looked so big and masterful that for a moment I felt a qualm of +doubt; then I comforted myself with the reflection that it would be +impossible to discover what did not exist. For a period of time Evelyn +Wastneys was about to disappear from the face of the earth. The +spinster of the basement flat was about to take her place. + +"I don't love you! I don't love you!" I repeated helplessly. "I have +never once thought of you except as a--a rather cross, overbearing man +who had taken a dislike to me at first sight. How can I turn round all +in a moment and look upon you as a--a lover? And I have my friend and +my work--and we have just taken our house. I don't want to be married! +I couldn't be married even if I cared!" + +"You are going to be married. You are going to marry me! What is this +`work' of which you talk? A woman's work is to make a home, and to help +a man to find his soul. Evelyn, do you imagine for one moment that I am +going to let you go?" + +He was himself again: self-confident, resolute, overbearing. I took +refuge in silence, and argued no more. + +"Have you enjoyed your drive?" Delphine asked. "Was Ralph civil? It +was unfortunate that I had to leave you alone. Where did you buy your +bonnet, Evelyn? I must get one like it for myself. Does your head +ache, dear? You look quite pale." + +I said it did. _Something_ ached! It kept me awake all night with a +dreary, heavy pain. I lay and thought, and thought, until my brain was +in a whirl. Had I been to blame in the past? Honestly I could not see +that I had. What was I to do in the future? Must I tell Charmion? How +could I ever return to "Pastimes"? Round and round the questions +whirled in a never-ending circle, but no solutions came. Then I said my +prayers, with a special plea for guidance for a very lonely, very +worried girl, and gradually, surely, I grew calmer. I reminded myself +that there was no need to worry over the future; and that all I had to +do for the moment was to decide on my duty for to-morrow. For +everybody's sake it appeared best that I should excuse myself to +Delphine and escape to town, since nothing could be gained by another +interview with Ralph Maplestone. I would send him a letter, repeating +my protestations that I could never be his wife, and begging him to +forget me with all possible speed. When he called at the Vicarage to +answer it, he would find that the bird had fled. + +The early morning sunlight was stealing in at the window. I closed my +tired eyes and fell asleep. + + + +CHAPTER SIXTEEN. + +A GLORIOUS THING. + +The first day after taking possession of my flat, I paid a visit to a +celebrated expert in theatrical "make up," and paid for his help and +advice. It is not an easy thing for a young woman to transform herself +into an old one, and I have a weakness for doing a thing well, when I +set about it. He was a delightful man! I remember him with the +liveliest appreciation. I was nervous and embarrassed, but in two +minutes he put me at my ease. From his manner you would have supposed +that my errand was as ordinary and conventional as buying a postage +stamp, while his keenness, his cleverness, his professional zest were +refreshing to behold. He stared at, and criticised my face, with as +much impersonality as if it had been a picture on the wall. + +"Always look for the predominant factor--the feature, or features, which +give personality to the face. In your case they are undoubtedly the +eyebrows and the curve of the upper lip. A few judicious touches to +these will alter the whole expression to a surprising extent. A few +more lines will give age. The wig and spectacles are the refuges of the +amateur. In themselves they can do little, but with the touches I +suggest, and a deep-toned powder to darken the skin, your disguise will +be complete. You shall see--you shall see!" + +He motioned to a chair before a mirror, and set to work, explaining each +detail as he went along. It was marvellous to see how beneath the sweep +of a tiny brush my youth and good looks faded and disappeared! Then he +made me wash it all off, and do the same thing for myself. Three times +over the process was repeated before I "passed" to his satisfaction. To +my relief he laughed at the idea of the india-rubber pads, and indeed +they were no longer required, but he gave me a small appliance which +could be used when I especially desired to alter my voice. Then he sent +me to a woman expert, who designed a nice little pad to round my +shoulders. I can't say that it was exactly a hilarious afternoon! And +now a month has passed by. For a whole month Mary Harding has +resolutely ignored Evelyn Wastneys, and devoted her time to the service +of others. I was just going to say "her whole thought" also, but +stopped short just in time. The plain truth is that the ignoring of +Evelyn engrosses many thoughts. She is a regular Jack-in-the-box, who +is no sooner shut in, than up bobs her head again, wailing miserably:-- + +"I'm lonely! I'm lonely! I want to go home!" Then Mary, the aunt, +snaps the lid more tightly than ever, but through the chink a persistent +whisper makes itself heard: "I'm lonely! I'm lonely! I want some one +to think of me." + +The flat is comfortable enough, and I am well served with Bridget as +housekeeper, and a clean young orphan of seventeen to work under her and +open the door. The orphan was procured as much as a safety-guard for +myself, as an assistant to Bridget. In case anyone who knows me in my +true _role_ should by any possibility discover my hiding-place, and +appear suddenly at the door, it is better to keep Bridget in the +background, and as Emily knows me only in the character of aunt, I am +necessarily kept up to the mark in the matter of disguise. + +I wear elderly clothes, tinted spectacles, and a dowdy wig, and with a +few touches alter the shape of my upper lip. That is all that is +necessary for ordinary life. The cheek pads are reserved for occasions +of special need! Emily considers me a "nice old lady, and young in my +ways". She likewise confides to Bridget that she shouldn't wonder if +I'd been quite good-looking in my day. Why did I never marry? Was it a +disappointment like? + +In outdoor dress especially I look genuinely middle-aged. Young women +get up in the Tubes and offer me their seats! Volumes could say no +more. + +As regards my work, I have discovered that in London it is as difficult +to get to know one's neighbours as it is to avoid knowing them in the +country. In my rustic ignorance I had imagined that all the inhabitants +of the "Mansions" would be keenly interested in the advent of a new +tenant, and curious about her personality. I imagined them talking +together about me, and saying, "Have you seen the new lady in the +basement? What does she look like? When shall you call?" but in +reality no one cared a jot. There has been another removal since I +came, and I overheard one or two comments in the hall. "Bother these +removals. They make such a mess!" + +"Those tiresome vans block the way for my pram!" Not one word of +interest in the removal itself! Not one word of inquiry as to the +newcomers. So far as interest or sympathy went, each little +shut-in-dwelling is as isolated as a lighthouse. For the past few weeks +I have been haunted by a vision of myself beating an ignominious +retreat, after having altogether failed in my mission. To console +myself I began a second course of Red Cross training, to revive what I +had learnt two years before. Perhaps some day one of the tenants will +be ill, or have an accident, which will give me a chance. Watching the +stream of children coming in and out of the "Mansions," I almost found +it in my heart to wish that one of them would tumble down and break, not +his crown, but just some minor, innocent, little bone, so that his +mother could behold how promptly and efficiently I could render first +aid! + +A month passed by--four long, lonely weeks. Not a line from Charmion. +Not a line from Delphine. Not a line from the big, blustering lover who +had vowed never, no, never, to give up the pursuit. With one and all, +out of sight was apparently out of mind, and I am the sort of woman who +needs to be remembered and appreciated, and who feels reduced to the +lowest ebb when nobody takes any notice. I wondered what Charmion was +doing, I wondered how Delphine was faring, I wondered--did he really +care so much? Would he go on caring? Suppose I had cared, too? Then +another long, lonely day came to an end, and I crawled into bed and +cried. Whatever my virtues may be, I am afraid I am not strong-minded! + +But at the end of a month--hurrah! I started full tilt into a new and +engrossing profession, a profession which I may really claim to have +invented, and which offers a wide field for idle women. It is healthy, +moreover, and in its pursuit its followers can be of immense service to +their overtaxed sisters. The vocation is called "Pram-Pushing for +Penurious Parents," and it consists simply of taking charge of Tommy, or +Bobby, or Baby for his morning or afternoon promenade, and thereby +setting his mother free to take a much-needed rest! + +The way it began was natural enough. I smiled at a pretty baby in the +hall, and the baby smiled back at me, and threw a ball at my feet. I +picked it up, and gave it back to a worried-looking little mother who +was endeavouring to arrange the wrapping in the perambulator with one +hand, while with the other she clutched firmly at the arm of an +obstreperous person of three. She smiled at me in wan acknowledgment, +and I said, "May I help?" and tucked in one side of the shawl. Two +mornings later I met the same trio returning from their morning's walk, +a third time I picked the small boy out of a puddle, and helped to wipe +off the mud. That broke the ice, and the mother began to bow to me, and +to exchange a passing word. She is a delicate creature, and has the +exhausted air of one whose life is all work and no play. One day we +walked the length of the block together, and she told me that she had +been married for four years, had had three children and lost one; that +she kept only one maid, and so had to take the children out herself. It +was tiring work, pram-pushing for four or five hours a day, but they +must have fresh air. Nowadays doctors insisted that children should +never stay in, even on wet days. She smiled mirthlessly. + +"They are covered up and protected from damp. It's different for the +poor mothers!" + +She coughed as she spoke, and then and there the great idea leapt into +my head. I did not disclose it; she would probably have put me down for +a baby-snatcher at once; but I made a point of meeting her on her daily +outings, and of ingratiating myself with the children, and waited +eagerly for an opportunity, which came in the shape of an increasing +cough and cold. Then I pounced. + +"Why shouldn't _I_ take the children out this afternoon, and let you go +home and rest? You are not fit to push this heavy pram." + +She gaped at me, amazed and embarrassed. + +"You? Oh, I couldn't possibly! Why should _you_--" + +"Because I should love it. I have nothing to do, and the days seem so +long. I'd be very careful." + +"Oh, it's not that! I am sure you would! And the children would love +it. They are so fond of you already; but--" + +"Well?" + +"I couldn't! It is too much. But I do thank you all the same. It's +sweet of you to have thought of it!" + +For the moment it was plainly tactless to urge her further, so I just +repeated:-- + +"Well, I _mean_ it! Please send for me if you change your mind," and +retreated forthwith. + +Behold the reward of diplomacy. That very evening Mr Manners, the +papa, knocked at my door and requested to see Miss Harding. I was +reading comfortably, _sans_ wig and _sans_ spectacles, behind the locked +door of my bedroom. The little maid, having been repeatedly instructed +that all callers were to be shown into the drawing-room, was no doubt +elated to have an opportunity of turning precept into practice. I +arose, hastily made myself look as elderly and discreet as possible, and +sallied forth to greet him. + +It was the funniest interview! He had brought down a copy of _Punch_ (a +week old), with his wife's compliments "in case I should like to see +it". That was the excuse; the real reason was obviously to survey the +extraordinary spinster of the basement flat, and discover if she were +quite mad or just innocently eccentric. I could see him peering at me +out of his tired, worried eyes, and if ever I worked hard to worm myself +into a man's good graces, I did it during the next half-hour. + +I pricked my ears, listening for "clues," and when one came, I played up +to it with all my skill, agreeing with him, soothing him, hanging on his +words. He looked almost as tired as his wife; there were shiny patches +on his coat; his hair was turning white above the ears; he had the look +of a man driven beyond his strength. I made him a cup of coffee, good +coffee! over which he sighed appreciatively. I told him I liked the +smell of smoke. I offered him the _Spectator_ in exchange for _Punch_. +At the end of half an hour he was looking at me wistfully, and saying in +quite a natural, boyish voice:-- + +"I say, it was nailing good of you to offer to take out the kiddies to +save my wife. She was quite touched. She does need a rest, poor girl, +but, of course--" + +"Don't say `of course' you cannot accept! The only `of course' is to +take me at my word. Mr Manners, may I say exactly what I think?" + +He looked startled and said, "Please do!" (Mem. I must try to remember +that an impulsive manner is not suitable to grey hairs!) + +"Well, it's just this; if you won't allow me to help your wife to have a +little rest now, she will be obliged to take a longer one later on! +That cough needs care. I know something about nursing, and I'm sure +that if she goes on as she is doing now, she'll break down altogether." + +"I know it," he said miserably. "I've been feeling the same myself. +That was why--to-night--when she told me, I--" + +"Came down to see for yourself if I could be trusted!" I said laughing. +"And what is your verdict, Mr Manners? Do I look as if I would kidnap +babies? Do I look as if I had strength enough to push a pram?" + +He glanced at my grey locks, and said tactfully:-- + +"Bobby could walk part of the time. Kensington is fortunately flat. +Miss Harding, I--I am very grateful. It's most awfully good of you to +worry about such perfect strangers. If you _will_ relieve my wife for a +few days, I shall be most awfully grateful!" + +So it was arranged. I danced a jig of joy when I went back to my room, +and caught sight of my elderly reflection doing it in the glass, and +laughed till I cried. My work had begun. The thin end of the wedge had +wormed its way in. Now to push forward. + +Mrs Manners has another malady besides her cough. It's an obscure +disease, but I have diagnosed it as "chronic inflammation of the +conscience". For four long years she has been kept incessantly at work, +looking after house and children, and has been unable to have one +undisturbed hour, either by day or by night. Now, when she gets the +chance, her conscience is horrified at the prospect. The first time I +took the children for their afternoon walk I found, on my return, that +she had used the time to turn out a cupboard, and looked more tired than +ever. The next day I sent the maid downstairs to settle the children in +the perambulator, when I produced a hot-water bottle from under my coat, +and had a heart to heart talk with her there and then. + +"Mrs Manners, I am going to take you into your bedroom, tuck you up +under the quilt, give you this hot-water bottle to cuddle, pull down the +blinds, and leave you to rest there till we come in." + +She positively shook with horror. + +"Oh, Miss Harding, I _can't_. It is quite impossible! All that time? +If you knew all I have to do. There is another cupboard--" + +"Mrs Manners, if you think I am taking charge of the children out of +consideration for your cupboards, you are mistaken. I am doing it so +that you may rest. A bargain is a bargain, and you are not playing +fair. Now, are you coming, or are you not?" + +She came, not daring to refuse, but protesting all the way. + +"Well, if I must--For a little time. For half an hour. I couldn't +_possibly_ rest more than half an hour." + +"You've got to try. If I'm on duty for two hours, so are you. Don't +dare to move from this bed till I give you leave." + +It was pathetic to see her thin little face peering at me over the edge +of the eider-down, quite dazed, if you please, at the idea of a two +hours' rest! I felt as happy as a grig as I ran downstairs; happier +still when we re-entered the flat two hours later, and not a sound came +from behind that closed door. I undressed the children, and the maid +tiptoed in with their tea with the air of a conspirator in a dark and +stealthy plot. + +"Not a sound out of her since you left! Poor thing! First chance of a +bit of peace and quietness she's had for many a long day." + +"Well, Mary, you and I are going to give her plenty more!" I said +graciously, and Mary made me a slice of buttered toast on the spot to +seal the partnership. + +Tea was over when the door opened, and a sleepy, flushed face peeped +round the door to look at the clock. When she saw the hands pointing to +five, she looked as guilty as if she had robbed the bank. + +Oh, it's a glorious thing to be able to help other people! It gives one +a warm, glowey feeling about the heart which comes in no other way. +These last days I have just lived for the moment when I could tuck that +poor little woman in her cosy bed, and the other moment when I saw her +rested, freshened face on rising. Even at the end of one week she +looked a different creature, and felt it too. + +"Actually, dear Miss Harding, I begin to feel as if I--I should like a +new hat!" she said to me one day over tea. "Do you know the feeling? I +think it is the best sign of convalescence a woman could have. For +months, almost for years, I have not cared what I wore. Something to +cover my head--that was all that was needed. To be always tired-- +deadly, hopelessly tired--takes the spirit out of one." + +"No one should go on being too tired. It's very wrong to allow it." + +She looked at me; a long look, affectionate, grateful, reproachfully +amused. + +"My dear, you live alone, and you have two maids. Evidently--excuse +me--you have a comfortable income. My husband's business has been +steadily falling off for the last two years. It is not his fault; he +works like a horse; no man could have done more, but circumstances have +been against him. We keep one maid, who washes, bakes, and cooks, while +I tend the babies, make their clothes and my own, knit, and mend, and +patch, and darn, take the children out, bathe them, put them to bed, +attend to them through the night, do the housekeeping by day, and +struggle over the bills when they are in bed. Bobby is three years and +a half old, and has had bronchitis and measles. Baby is eleven months, +and cuts her teeth with croup. Between them came the little one who +died. And then you sit there and tell me I ought not to be tired!" + +"I beg your pardon. I'm sorry. I spoke without thinking. You are +quite right--I know nothing about it. People who preach to others very +often don't. Forgive me!" + +"Don't be so penitent! It is really almost a relief to meet a woman who +_doesn't_ understand. All my friends are in pretty much the same case +as myself, and they haven't got"--she stretched out her hand and timidly +patted my arm--"my kind neighbour to help. Miss Harding, I think you +must have been a fascinating girl!" + +"Oh, I was!" I said warmly, and then made haste to change the +conversation. "What about that hat? I'm quite a good amateur milliner. +Look out your oddments and let me see what I can do." + + + +CHAPTER SEVENTEEN. + +NEIGHBOURS--AND REAL WORK. + +The fame of me has gone abroad. I have been observed taking the +Manners' infants in and out, and the result has been a simultaneous +increase of interest, and--loss of prestige. Number 22, like Mrs +Manners, pushes her own "pram," but there the resemblance ends. She is +a healthy, full-blown young woman, smartly--and unsuitably--attired in +the very latest fashion of Kensington High Street. She wears large +artificial pearls round her neck, and wafts a strong odour of lily of +the valley perfume. Never for the fraction of a second did it occur to +me to offer to relieve _her_ of any of her duties; but she cast a +pale-blue eye at me, and wove her own little schemes. One afternoon, as +I was tucking the coverings round Baby Margaret's feet, she came up to +my side, and said in an exceedingly casual manner:-- + +"Oh, good afternoon. You are Miss Harding? I was just wondering--have +you any engagement for the mornings?" + +I looked at her calmly, and said I had. Several! Most householders +had. She jerked her head, and said impatiently:-- + +"I didn't mean that. You take Mrs Manners' children out, I see. I +might be glad of a little help myself. It's such a bore pram-pushing +every day. How much do you charge?" + +It is difficult to look haughty through blue spectacles, and while I was +trying, it occurred to me that it was a waste of time. It was a plain +business question. She did not mean to be insulting, so I smiled +instead--rather feebly, I confess--and said:-- + +"I don't charge. Mrs Manners is not well. It is a pleasure to me to +take charge of the children, so that she may have a little rest." + +She "begged pardon" hastily, and with repetition, staring the while with +incredulous eyes. Quite evidently she considered me a benevolent +lunatic, and marked me down as a useful prey. I might not be willing to +push her pram, but--The very next evening a small servant knocked at the +door with Mrs Lorrimer's compliments, and could Miss Harding lend her a +fresh egg? (Her name is Lorrimer, and the children are called Claudia, +Moreen, and Eric, and look it.) A fortnight has passed since that +encounter, and the tale of her indebtedness to me is now as follows:-- + +One egg. + +A cup of sugar. + +Two lemons. + +"A bit of butter, as we're run out." + +A box of matches and a candle. + +"One scuttle of nice cobbles, please. We have only slack left." + +Three stamps. + +"Just a pinch or two of tea, as we forgot to order over Sunday." + +Bridget opines that it will go from bad to worse, and recommends putting +a foot down. Gossip from the "Well" has it that if you "give in to +them, they'll take the very dinner off the table". When it comes to +that point, I shall certainly stamp hard; but in the meantime I let +things slide. I suspect Mrs Lorrimer of being too much engrossed in +herself to trouble about such a detail as providing meals for her +spouse. Without my aid he would probably have eaten his pancakes +without any lemons, and feasted on dry bread by a smouldering fire. I +like myself in the _role_ of an unknown benefactor! + +Number 19, who lives directly overhead, does not borrow my food or hire +my services, but she does something far worse. Whenever I dare to poke +a fire, or play on the piano, or shut a window, or let a door bang, as +any ordinary domestic door is bound to bang in the course of a windy +day, rap, rap, rap comes a premonitory knocking on the floor, as if to +say, "Inconsiderate and selfish worm! How dare you attend to your own +comfort at the expense of your neighbours overhead? Have the goodness +to be quiet at once!" It's awfully unfair, because when they stoke +their anthracite stoves, or throw their boots on the floor at 1 a.m. +over my sleeping head, I could only retaliate by climbing to the top of +my wardrobe, and knocking the whitewash off my own ceiling. Such are +the ironies of life for the tenants of basement flats. + +Besides the shoe-dropping, I am often kept awake at night by the sound +of angry voices. I sadly fear that Mr and Mrs 19 do not live together +in the peace and harmony which could be desired. Subjects of dissension +seem generally to arise about 10 p.m., and thereafter deep masculine +growls and shrill feminine yaps alternate until the small hours. On +these occasions I make up my mind never, never to marry. Especially a +bad-tempered man. Especially _one_ bad-tempered man! But, of course, +that question was settled long ago. + +Hurrah! I am getting on. A most exciting thing has happened. The +Manners know Mr Thorold, and last night, when I was sitting with then +after dinner (by request!) he came in to call, and we were introduced. +He is a delicate, wearied-to-death, and wish-I-were-out-of-it-looking +man, but when he smiles or gets interested his face lights up, and he is +handsome and interesting. He looked profoundly bored at finding me +installed by the fire, but thawed later on, and asked my advice on +various domestic problems which lie heavily on his soul. + +"My housekeeper has such sensitive feelings. If I find fault, or even +mildly suggest an improvement, she collapses into tears, and the +children have a poor time of it for the rest of the day. Sometimes I +think I must send her away, but I might get some one worse; and I am +busy in the city, and have no time to look round." + +I did not feel capable of giving advice on this subject, but said +soothingly:-- + +"I wish you would allow the little girls to come to tea with me +sometimes. I have seen them coming in and out, and have longed to know +them. I'm fond of children, and Mrs Manners will tell you that I can +be trusted." + +His face lit up; he actually beamed. + +"It is good of you! They get so few changes. It would be the greatest +treat! If I may I'll bring them myself next Saturday." + +Shades of Aunt Eliza! For a moment I felt quite guilty; then I raised +my eyes to the Chippendale mirror hanging on the opposite wall, and +beheld the douce figure of Miss Harding with a Paisley shawl draped over +her black silk shoulders, and I breathed again, and said primly that I +should be very pleased, and were the dear little ones allowed currants, +or were they limited to plain sponge cake? He said impatiently:-- + +"Oh, poor kiddies! Anything you like. If they're ill afterwards, it's +worth it. I'm afraid I am not much of a disciplinarian, Miss Harding. +Life takes that _role_ out of one's hands. Let them be happy--that's +what I ask." + +His face puckered; he looked so sad, so helpless, so baffled, poor, big, +helpless thing, that my heart just ached for him. Aunt Eliza was +right--Evelyn Wastneys is _not_ a suitable person to play good fairy to +good-looking widowers! If this one looked particularly helpless and +harassed for an hour at a stretch, and then asked her to marry him on +Tuesday week, she would not have the strength of mind to say no, however +much she dreaded the prospect. As he is a susceptible, appealing type +of a man, and tired to death of that housekeeper, and Evelyn has--she +really has!--a "way with her," it would probably have come to that in +the end. But Evelyn Harding may serenely do her best. She will never +be put to the test. + +The little girls are called Winifred and Marion. They have long pale +faces, long fair hair, and charming dark-lashed eyes. Winifred looks +delicate, and has an insinuating little lisp; Marion, when amused, has a +deep, fat chuckle, which makes one long to hug her on the spot. They +are badly dressed, badly shod, their stockings lie in wrinkles all the +way up, but they look thorough little ladies despite of all, and "behave +as sich". They came to tea on Saturday, and we had hot scones, and jam +sandwiches, and cake, and biscuits, and a box of crackers containing +gorgeous rings and brooches and tie-pins and bracelets, and of the whole +party I honestly believe "Father" enjoyed himself the most. He had four +cups of tea, and ate steadily from every plate; and we all played games +together afterwards, in the most happy, domestic fashion. Quite +evidently he is a home lover, a man whose deepest interests will always +centre round his own fireside. + +Poor little dead wife! It seems sad that she should be taken away, +while unhappy women like Mrs 19 live on and on. If the issues of life +and death were in mortal hands, how differently we should arrange +things! I know at this moment half a dozen weary old creatures whose +lives are no pleasure to themselves or to anyone else, but they live on, +while the young and the happy fall by the way. Oh, how many mysteries +there are around us! How wonderful, how absorbingly interesting it will +be, when the time comes, to hear the explanation of all that seems so +tangled to our present understanding! When I realise how uncertain life +is, I am all in a tingle to be up and doing, to make myself of real, +real use while I am still here. A married woman has her work cut out to +make a home; a real happy home is as big an achievement as any one can +wish, but when one is single and lonely-- + +Pause to shed a few self-pitying tears. Pause to wonder if it might not +be better to make a man happy rather than to live alone, even if one +were not really in love? + +Pause to decide. Certainly not! Don't be weak-minded. A grave +injustice to him, as well as to yourself. + +Pause to dream of Charmion and Kathie, and feel lone and lorn because +they don't write. + +Grand decision. Always to be kind and considerate. To write regularly +to lonely friends. Never to wax cross or impatient, neglect a duty, nor +fail to render a service. To devote special attention and lavish +special sympathy on spinsters in basement flats. + +The orphan came into the room just as I was in the full flush of my +resolutions. I snapped her head off, and found fault for five minutes +on end. She departed--in tears. + +Three weeks have passed by. I have written to Charmion, a letter full +of love, and without one complaining word. I have written to Kathie, +taking an interest in all the details of her new life; I have written to +Delphine, dropping words in season. I have worked hard for the Red +Cross classes. I have wheeled out the small Manners, and dispensed +various teas to Winifred and Marion Thorold. I have met their father +several times at the Manners' flat, and have likewise--low be it +spoken--received two evening calls from him in my own domain. He says +it is such a comfort to find a kind, motherly woman with whom to talk +over his difficulties! He hesitates to trouble Mrs Manners, who is +already overworked. Winifred holds one shoulder a little higher than +the other. Does that mean anything wrong with the spine? Ought she to +lie down flat? Billie, the curly two-year-old, is always catching cold. +Do I think his perambulator gets damp in the basement store-room? The +grocer's bill was nineteen shillings last week. In "my girl's time" (I +love to hear him say "My girl!") it was never above thirteen. Miss +Brown, the housekeeper, is hinting that she needs a holiday. It would +be a relief to be rid of her, but--who would take charge while she was +away? + +"Why not make it a general holiday? Lend me the little girls, farm out +the babies to relations, throw off responsibilities, and have a real +laze yourself. You know you would love it!" I said. "Haven't you a +man friend who would take you away?" + +"Oh, rather. The best of fellows. We were boys together. He's had a +stiff time, too, so he understands. Miss Harding, what a brick you are! +Will you really take the girls? I say"--his face lit up with the +boyish smile--"it would be a chance to buy them some clothes. Would you +do it? Miss Brown has no taste. It's been one of my trials. My girl +was so dainty. A pretty hat apiece, and a frock, and stockings to +match--that wouldn't break the bank, would it? Do you think five +pounds--" + +I waved a protesting hand. + +"Heaps! Heaps! Leave it to me. I'll make them as pretty as pictures. +When--er--when I was young, I was fond of dress. I was considered to +have good taste." + +He smiled at me in the kind, forbearing manner in which people do smile +at elderly women who exploit their own youth, and said vaguely:-- + +"Yes, I am sure--I am quite sure. Well, I must be off. Thank you for +all your kindness." + +He departed, but the very next night the maid brought a message to ask +if Miss Harding had a thermometer. If so, would she be so very kind as +to take Billie's temperature, as he seemed restless and feverish? I +draped myself in the Paisley shawl in which I flatter myself I look my +plainest and most ancient, ran upstairs, and was shown into Billie's +bedroom. He was sitting up in his cot, looking so pretty with his +dishevelled golden curls, his big bright eyes, and the fever flush on +his cheeks. I guessed 102 at sight; but it was worse than that--close +on 103. I gave the thermometer the professional shake, looking, as I +felt, pretty serious and troubled, whereupon Miss Brown took alarm at +once, being evidently the useful kind of woman who loses her head in +illness. + +"Is he going to be ill? I don't understand poultices and fomentations; +couldn't take the responsibility! As things are, there is more work +than I can get through. I hope you will tell Mr Thorold that if Billie +is going to be ill, it is absolutely necessary to have help." + +I calmed her, and went into the dining-room to report. The air was full +of smoke, and Mr Thorold was sitting at one side of the fireplace, +talking to another man who was facing him from another big leather +chair. They both sprang up at my entrance, and Mr Thorold said:-- + +"This is my friend, Mr Hallett, of whom I spoke to you lately. We are +discussing the possibility of a short trip. Edgar, this is Miss +Harding, a very kind neighbour. She has come up on an errand of mercy +to see one of the babies, who is a bit off colour. How do you find the +small man, Miss Harding?" + +He was not a bit anxious. In the interest of the talk with an old +friend, the baby ailment had faded from his mind. I hated to bring the +shadow to his face, but it had to be done. + +"Billie has a high temperature, Mr Thorold. I think a doctor ought to +see him." + +He looked shocked--incredulous. + +"To-night! Wouldn't to-morrow morning--?" + +"I should advise you to see him to-night. It may be nothing but a +feverish cold, but it is half the battle to start treatment in time. He +is nearly 103." + +"I will telephone at once," he said shortly, and marched out of the +room. + +The tenants of Heath Mansions do not, as a rule, run to the extravagance +of possessing a private telephone, but down in the basement there is a +species of ice cupboard, where, in surroundings of abject dreariness, we +deposit our pence and shout messages, to the entertainment and +enlightenment of the maids at "Well" windows. Mr Thorold was bound for +this haunt, and the nice Mr Hallett and I sat down to entertain one +another during his absence. + +He is nice! I liked him the moment I saw him, and I went on liking him +more and more. He is a big, powerfully-built man, but his face is thin, +the fine moulding of the bones showing distinctly beneath their slight +covering. The clean line of his jaw is a joy to behold; his eyes are +dark and unusually deep-set--I would say "cavernous," if I had not a +particular dislike to the word. He has large, expressive hands, and a +low-pitched, unusually deliberate way of talking. + +"I hope the youngster is not going to develop anything serious!" + +"I hope not. He is a dear little fellow. It is so sad to see a child +ill." + +"It is; but--frankly!" he said, with a slow, grave glance, "I was +thinking more of my friend. He has had more than his share of trouble, +and another spell of anxiety would be hard luck. It's a big strain on a +man to play father _and_ mother to a growing family." + +"There is one thing which would be harder! To have no growing family to +look after, and to take his mind off himself." + +He looked at me sharply, and as sharply looked away. I had a lightning +impression that I had touched a tender spot, but it passed the next +moment at sound of the perfectly calm, perfectly controlled voice:-- + +"You think that is so? I should be glad to agree, but Frank has lost an +ideal companion. I did not imagine that such young children could fill +the gap--" + +"In a sense they never can, but they fill so many smaller gaps that it +is impossible to think of the big one all the time. If you had any idea +what it is to live in a flat this size, with five small children +tumbling over each other all day long, laughing and quarrelling and +getting into mischief on every conceivable occasion, behaving like +perfect little fiends one hour and angels straight from heaven the +next--well, you would realise that there isn't much time left over to +sit down and nurse a private woe!" + +He smiled. He smiles, as the Scotch say, "with deefficulty". The lines +of his face are all set for gravity and reserve. + +"That is so. But at night? After such a tornado the solitary evenings +must seem lonelier than ever." + +"I don't imagine there is much time for reflection. There is generally +some work to keep him going. Rupert has a weakness for dropping things +down the sinks. Last week, for a change, he drove a nail into a +gas-pipe. And there are the bills to pay, and new things to order, and +endless notes of inquiry and arrangements to be written. His evenings +are well filled up." + +"I see you are a believer in counter-irritants." The deep-set eyes +rested on me with a speculative glance. A practical, unimaginative +woman, who has neither understanding nor sympathy for romance--that was +obviously the verdict. If he only knew! If he only knew! + +Presently Mr Thorold came back and said the doctor would come round +almost at once. Would I be so very good as to stay to hear his verdict? +Miss Brown was not much use in cases of illness. She lost her head. +The trouble to me seems to be that she has lost her heart--if she ever +had one to lose! + +The doctor said that Billie had bronchitis, and that his lungs were not +quite clear. Someone must sit up with him, keep a bronchitis kettle +going, and see that he did not kick off the clothes. His temperature +must be taken at certain hours. A great deal might depend upon the next +few hours. He was afraid it might be difficult to get in a nurse before +morning. Was there anyone who could-- + +Miss Brown promptly put herself out of the running, so what was there +left for me to do but modestly to confess that I had passed two Red +Cross examinations, could flick a thermometer with the best, and baffle +the tricks of the most obstinate bronchitis kettle that ever +overbalanced itself, or spat hot water instead of steam. + +The three men stood round looking at me with big, grateful eyes, and +though I was honestly sorry about Billie, deep down at the bottom of my +heart I _glowed_. This was in very deed being of use! Here was real +work lying ready at my hand! + + + +CHAPTER EIGHTEEN. + +A STRUGGLE FOR A LIFE. + +Billie has been desperately ill. For three weeks he has lain at the +point of death, his little life hanging by a thread. Two trained nurses +have been in attendance, and a third unofficial one, in the person of +old Miss Harding! Winifred and Marion are living in my flat; Bridget +looks after them, and does our own housekeeping, and also supplements +Miss Brown's efforts, which are, to put it mildly, inadequate for the +occasion. She does not seem to realise that when people are torn with +anxiety they don't appreciate boiled mutton; and that when they sit up +half the night, waiting in sickening suspense to hear the next +temperature, a hot cup of chocolate can be more precious than rubies. + +Therefore Bridget and I manufacture dainties, and carry them upstairs to +supplement the supplies. + +For the first few days the illness took a normal course, and anxiety, +though real, was not acute; but on the fourth day strength failed +noticeably, and oxygen was ordered to help the clogged lungs to work. +At first it was given every two hours, then hourly, then every +half-hour, and every woman who knows anything about nursing understands +what _that_ means, plus doses of brandy, struggles to pour as much milk +as possible down an unwilling throat, and a constant taking of pulse and +temperature, to say nothing of hypodermic injections at those awful +moments when there seems no pulse to feel. It means that no one woman, +be she ever so competent, can keep up the fight single-handed for twelve +hours at a stretch, and that an understudy to work under her may mean +the very turning of the scale. I have been understudy by night, and +proud I am to record that Nurse proclaims me unusually "handy" for a +member of the "laity". Hour after hour we have fought together for the +little darling's life, while he lay unconscious against the piled +cushions, a waxen image, unrecognisable as the bonnie curly-headed +Billie we had loved. We racked our brains to think of new means and new +contrivances to fight the ever-increasing danger. With the aid of +screens and a sheet we contrived a tent over his cot, through a hole in +which the elongated cardboard funnel of the steam-kettle could enter and +give increased relief to the breathing. We made mustard poultices with +white of egg instead of water, to save needless irritation of the skin; +we used the French expedient of putting quinine pads under the armpits +to reduce the terrible temperature. Nurse was indefatigable--a miracle +of energy and resource--but through all her anxiety and tenderness for +the little patient, it was impossible not to recognise the keen +professional zest in a "good case." + +"Give me a bad pneumonia, and I'm happy!" said she, frankly, and she +meant what she said. + +At those rare intervals when Billie fell into a fitful sleep, I used to +steal out of the room and pay a visit to the dining-room, where, on two +arm-chairs on opposite sides of the fire, the poor father and his friend +sat drearily smoking, and waiting until the small hours of the morning. +It was useless to tell Mr Thorold to go to bed. His wife had breathed +her last at two o'clock in the morning, and he was possessed by a dread +that Billie would do the same. At three or thereabouts he might be +persuaded to move, but until then it was but a waste of breath to ask +it. Poor fellow! To have his old friend by his side was the best +comfort that was left, but how he must have missed his wife, and how +endlessly, breathlessly long the hours must have seemed, sitting with +folded hands, with nothing to do but to wait! Even I--an outsider--was +oppressed by the difference in the atmosphere of the two rooms. In the +sick-room there was suffering indeed, but there was also a constant, +earnest fight; here, the heavy, smoke-filled air seemed to breathe of +despair! + +On those midnight visits, the first thing I did after giving my report, +was to open the window, and the second to make a jug of chocolate, +beating the powder in the milk till it foamed, in tempting continental +fashion. The men shivered and protested. They were in a draught; they +were not hungry; they wanted neither chocolate nor sandwiches; but I +went on with my preparations in an elderly, persistent fashion, and said +if they didn't--well, I did, and I hoped they would not grudge me a +little refreshment in the midst of my labours. By the time that the +little meal was prepared, the smoke had cleared away and left a little +air to breathe, so then I made a favour of shutting the window and +poking the fire, and we would sit down together, and--it was wonderful +how much we could eat! If Aunt Eliza could have seen me then, what--oh, +what would she have said! How I blessed the grey wig and the +spectacles, and the few deft, disfiguring touches which made my presence +so easy and comfortable, not only for myself but for those two poor, +sad, helpless young men. However much one may rail against convention, +it remains an unalterable fact that youth and good looks are _not_ the +best qualification for indiscriminate work among one's fellow-creatures. +I must remember this fact when I grow really old, and apply it as balm +to my wounded vanity. + +Over the chocolate and sandwiches we would talk--not about Billie, if +possible; and I learnt that the two men had first met at Harrow, had +then been separated for many years, and had renewed the old friendship +during the last two years. + +There is evidently a strong sympathy between them--a sympathy of +suffering, I think, for with all his charm, it is evident that Mr +Hallett is not a happy man. He says little about himself, but I gather +that he travels a great deal, that he writes for various reviews, and +that--to say the least of it--he is not overburdened with wealth. He +never mentions any "belongings," and is evidently unmarried. I wonder +why, for he is certainly unusually attractive. Sometimes when we have +been sitting talking together, I have been so conscious of this +attraction that I have had quite a violent longing to be Evelyn Wastneys +once more, and to meet him, so to speak, on his own ground! + +He is most nice to me--oh, most nice! He thinks me a kind, sensible, +generous old dear; says I deserve a Victoria Cross, and that no block of +mansions is complete without me. One night he asked me smilingly if I +would come and nurse him if he were ill; another time he said he could +almost find it in his heart to wish that my money would disappear, so +that he could engage me as a permanent housekeeper. Then Mr Thorold +interrupted, and said that the first claim was his, and that if my +services were to be bought, no other man should have them unless over +his own dead body. They argued jestingly, while I blushed--a hot, +overwhelming blush, and seeing it, they paused, looking mystified and +distressed, and abruptly changed the conversation. Did they think me +ridiculous and a prude, or did that blush for the moment obliterate the +sham signs of age, and show them for the moment the face of a girl? I +should like to know, but probably I never shall. + +For four long weeks Billie's life hung in the balance, for after the +pneumonia crisis was passed, unconsciousness continued, and the terrible +word "meningitis" was whispered from lip to lip. There were +heart-breaking days to be lived through, when the terror was no longer +that he might die, but that he might live--deprived of speech, of +hearing, possibly of reason itself. Never while I live shall I forget +those days; but looking back, I can realise that they have taught me one +great lesson, branded it on heart and brain so that I can never, never +forget. The lesson is that death is not the last and worst enemy which +we are so apt to think it when our dear ones are in its grasp. Oh, +there were hours of darkness in which death seemed to us a lovely and +beautiful thing, when we blamed ourselves for shrinking from the wrench +of giving back a little child into God's tender care. Who could compare +a darkened life on earth with the perfected powers, the unimaginable +glories of eternity? There were times when our prayers were reversed, +and we asked God to take Billie home! + +But he lived; he spoke; he opened his dark eyes and smiled upon us; he +demanded a battered "boy stout" doll, and hugged it to his pneumonia +jacket; he drank his milk, and said "More!" he grew cross and +fractious--oh, welcome, gladdening sign!--and said, "Doe away! No more +daddies! No more nursies! Don't want nobodies! Boo-hoo-hoo!" and we +went and wept for gladness. + +Illness, the really critical touch-and-go illness which nurses call "a +good case," turns a home into an isolation camp. The outer world +retreats to an immeasurable distance, and the watchers stare out of the +windows, and behold with stupefaction hard-hearted men and women walking +abroad on two legs, with hats on their heads, and umbrellas in their +hands, talking and laughing and pursuing their petty avocations, not in +the least affected by the fact that the temperature had again soared up +to 104, and the doctor spoke gravely about heart strain. It seems +inconceivable that human creatures, living a few yards away, are +actually going to parties, and attending theatres, trying on new +clothes, and worrying about cracked cups. + +It was with much the same shock of incredulity that, on descending to my +flat one afternoon, I was met with the news that a gentleman was in the +drawing-room waiting to see me. Bridget was out walking with the little +girls, and the orphan, as usual, had opened the door. I demanded to be +told "all about it," upon which she inhaled a deep breath, and set forth +her tale after the manner of a witness in the police court. + +"He says to me, `Is Miss Harding at home?' I says, `Yes, sir, she's at +home, but she's out at the moment nursing a little boy upstairs'. He +says to me, `Is Miss Evelyn Wastneys at home?' I says, `She don't live +here, sir. There has some letters come--' He says, `When will Miss +Harding be in?' I says, `She generally gives us a look, as it might be, +about six, before the young ladies settles to bed'. `Then I'll wait!' +he says, takes off his hat, and walked in. I said, `What name shall I +say, please?' He said, `It doesn't matter about my name. She doesn't +know it.'" + +I stood silent, digesting the news. + +"What sort of a gentleman is he? What does he look like?" + +The orphan considered, silently chewing the cud. + +"He looks," she opined deliberately, "as if he could give you _what +for_!" + +At that, without one second's pause, I scuttled into my own room and +locked the door behind me. (I would have "locked and double locked" it, +as heroines of fiction do on such occasions, but it has always remained +a mystery to me how they manage to do it!) That being done I fell into +a chair, and breathlessly confronted--the worst! + +It was the Squire! I knew it without a doubt. If the orphan had +devoted an hour to her description, she could not have been more apt. +In some mysterious way he had tracked me to my lair. I might have known +he would do it! He was not the sort of man to be daunted by a closed +door. He would put out the whole of his big, indomitable force, till by +hook or by crook it flew open, and the secret was revealed. Mercifully, +however, it was so far only Miss Harding whom he had discovered; Evelyn +Wastneys still eluded his grasp, and if I could summon enough nerve and +courage to carry through one final interview, all might yet be well. It +was useless to say I would not see him. He would simply wait until I +did. The only result would be to arouse his suspicions. I rose slowly +and confronted myself in the glass. + +The disguise was good, but was it good enough? I hastily opened my +"make up" case, and accentuated the lines which the expert had shown +were most telling--the curve of the upper lip, the kink in the eyebrow, +the long wrinkle from nose to chin. I wrapped my Paisley scarf round my +shoulders, took my courage in both hands, and opened the door. I +decided to go into the dining-room, draw the casement curtains, seat +myself with my back to the light, and--send the orphan to summon him to +my presence! I was nervous and scared, but--let me confess it--the +moment was not without a fearful joy! My heart was beating with quick, +excited throbs. It was the oddest, most inexplicable thing, but I--I +really wanted to see him. If a wish could have spirited him away, I +could not have brought myself to breathe it. It seemed suddenly as if, +unknown to myself, I had missed him, been missing him for a long, long +time-- + +The door opened and he came in. + + + +CHAPTER NINETEEN. + +A DOUBLE EXCITEMENT. + +He wore a dark suit, and carried a silk hat in his hand. The +conventional dress made a great difference in his appearance; it always +does when one is accustomed to see a man in the easy, becoming garb of +the country. He looked older, more imposing; in the dim light it seemed +to me that he was thinner too, had lost some of his deep tan. + +I rose from my chair and bowed. He bowed too, and said:-- + +"Miss Harding, I believe?" + +Long might he believe it! I waved him to a chair, and said suavely, +"Pray sit down." + +"I--er--I called to ask if you would be kind enough to give me Miss +Wastneys' address. I believe her letters are sent to this address." + +"May I ask who gave you that information?" + +"I'm sorry; but I'm not at liberty to say. It was a discovery which has +given me considerable difficulty to make." + +"Excuse me, Mr--er--" I stopped short with an admirable air of inquiry. + +"My name is Maplestone." + +"Thank you! I presume, Mr Maplestone, that you are aware of Miss +Wastneys' wish to keep her address private for the moment. Do you +consider yourself justified in acting in direct opposition to her +wishes?" + +"I do," he said sturdily. "I warned her that I would do everything in +my power to find her. I am only sorry that I have been so long in doing +it." + +"I am afraid she would not share your regret. In any case, I cannot +take the responsibility of helping you any further." + +"You refuse to tell me where to find her?" + +"I am sorry to appear discourteous, Mr Maplestone, but I have no +choice." + +He looked at me, a cool, casual glance, and impatiently frowned. There +was no flicker of recognition in his look. To him I was obviously a +mere figure-head, an obstinate, elderly woman who stood as an obstacle +in his path. He hesitated for a moment, and then said emphatically:-- + +"My business is imperative. It is absolutely necessary to see Miss +Wastneys." + +"I think she must decide this point." + +"Madam!"--he glared at me reproachfully--"you are probably not aware +that I have asked Miss Wastneys to be my wife?" + +"I was not aware, Mr Maplestone, that Miss Wastneys had accepted that +offer." + +"She has not. That is just the point. If she had, I should not need +help. But she is going to! That is why I am so anxious to find her--to +prevent further waste of time." + +Braced against my cushions, I gasped in mingled exasperation and dismay. +That tone of certainty impressed me against my will. It required an +effort to preserve an unruffled appearance. + +"I cannot give you any help, Mr Maplestone. To the best of my belief, +you are wrong in your expectations." + +"Evelyn--Miss Wastneys is your niece, I believe?" + +I bowed, mentally quoting the orphan's qualification:-- + +"Sort of!" + +"May I ask if she has confided in you--told you the history of our +acquaintance?" + +For one moment I hesitated, then:-- + +"I think I may say that I know practically all that there is to tell." + +He leant forward suddenly, rested an arm on the table, and fixed me with +eager eyes. + +"Miss Harding, I want a friend! I want an ally. I came here to-day, +hoping to find one in you. Will you be on my side?" + +I drew back; but, before I had time to protest, he hurled another crisp, +sharp question at my head:-- + +"Do you love your niece?" + +The question appealed to me. I answered promptly, as it were mentally +licking my lips:-- + +"I _do_! I may say I am much attached to Evelyn. She has faults +(judicially), but she is a pleasant, well-meaning girl. She has been +(unctuously) very kind to me." + +"She is kind to everyone," he said shortly, "except myself! Of course +she has faults! Plenty of them. You could not know her without seeing +that." + +I glared, outraged. Oh, indeed! If my faults are so many and so +obvious, why on earth does he--? + +"You are very keen-sighted for a lover, Mr Maplestone," I said coldly. +"If I were Evelyn, I should prefer the idealism which is usual under the +circumstances. But perhaps you do not pose as an ordinary lover." + +"I don't know," he said shortly--"I don't know. This is a new +experience to me. I can only say one thing"--his voice softened, +swelled into deep, low notes--"she is my life. She means everything-- +the beginning and the end. I shall fight on and on until she is mine." + +Miss Harding coughed, and twitched at her shawl, and blinked at the +ceiling, and feebly shook her grey head. + +"It is a pity," she said weakly, "to make too sure! In these matters +force is--er--is out of place. Evelyn must decide. She should not be +coerced. If I know her nature, coercion will do no good. She is +inclined to obstinacy." + +"Coercion would fail, but _love_--Your niece is very feminine. She +would be unhappy alone. She needs to be loved. I have love to give +her--enough to satisfy any girl--more than enough! At the bottom of her +heart she knows it. She ran away because she was afraid. Left no +address." + +"Mr Maplestone, I am sorry to appear unkind, but Miss Wastneys' plans +were made before she guessed your wishes." + +That was true, and hit him hard. His face fell, and he looked so +quelled, so dejected, that my heart ached with remorse. What foolish +thing I might have said I don't know, but at that moment the door burst +open, and Winifred and Marion precipitated themselves into my arms. +Taking no notice of the strange man, they proceeded to confide the +adventures of their walk. It was "Miss Harding, this; darling Miss +Harding, that; Miss Harding, dear, the other," while I undid their +mufflers, and smoothed their hair, and smiled in benevolent interest. +What could be a finer testimony to Miss Harding's verisimilitude than +the blandishments of these sweet innocents? + +For some minutes Mr Maplestone's presence was ignored, but when I +looked at him again it was to realise with surprised curiosity that his +bearing had undergone a startling change. His cheeks had flushed, the +weary lines had disappeared, he looked young, brisk, assured. Nothing +had happened to account for it; nothing had been said, bearing in the +remotest sense on his affairs. I had made no slip of any kind, but had +been laboriously elderly and restrained, and yet, there it was--an +unmistakable air of satisfaction and relief. + +He rose, held out his hand. + +"I see you are busy. I won't detain you longer. If you will allow me I +will call again." + +"Mr Maplestone, excuse my want of hospitality, but it is quite +useless." + +He retained my hand in his; he spoke in a pleading voice. + +"I am a very lonely man. I have no one else to whom I can speak. It +would be a pleasure just to see anyone who belonged--I will promise not +to be a nuisance. Please let me come!" + +"Well!" I said helplessly. "Well!" + +Short of being absolutely brutal, what else could I say? Besides--it +may be a pleasure to me, too! + +That same evening a letter arrived from Charmion. Nothing like having +all one's excitements at the same time. It was good to see the dear +writing again, and I was in the mood when I badly needed some words of +comfort. I tore open the envelope, hoping to find them inside. + +This is the letter:-- + +"Evelyn, Dear,--How is it faring with you, I wonder, in your grey London +world, while I laze beneath Italian skies? It is a rest to know that +you understand my silence, and don't need to be reminded that it does +not mean forgetfulness. That big heart of yours can be very patient and +forbearing. I have good cause to know that, but I also know that no one +in the world more keenly enjoys a word of love and appreciation, so +here's a confession for you, dear. Read it, lock it up in your heart, +and never, never refer to it in words! This is it, then. During these +last weeks, when I have been fighting the old battle of the last six +years, I have discovered to my surprise, and--let me confess it--dismay, +that my point of view has strangely altered. I still consider that I +have been the victim of one of the cruellest deceptions which a woman +could endure; I still believe that in that first ghastly hour of +discovery, flight was justified and natural, but--Well, Evelyn, dear! I +have been living for months in very close intimacy with a little girl +who thinks no evil, and is always ready to find a good explanation for +what may on the surface appear to be unkind, and it has had its effect. + +"I keep asking myself, `In my place, what would Evelyn have done?' and +the answer disturbs my sleep. You are impulsive, my dear, and your +temper is not beyond reproach. If you loved deeply you would be +exacting, and would fiercely resent deceit. You would have run away +even more impetuously than I did myself, but--but--you would not have +kept up your resentment for six long years, or refused the offender a +right to speak! If I know my Evelyn, before a month had passed her +heart would have softened, and she would be turning special pleader in +his defence, racking her brain for extenuating explanations. And if +there had been none--I can imagine you, Evelyn, shouldering your burden +with a set, gallant little face, going back to your husband, and saying +to yourself, `Am I a coward to be daunted by the failure of one little +month? He married me for my money--very well, he shall have his price! +I will give it to him, freely and willingly, but I will give him other +things too--companionship, interest, sympathy, so that in time to come +he shall love me for myself! I am young and pretty and intelligent--I +can do it if I care enough to be patient and unselfish. I married him +for better or worse. With God's help, I will turn this "worse" into +"better" before our lives are done!' + +"Oh, I assure you, my dear, I cut a poor figure in my own eyes, when I +contrast my conduct with what yours would have been in my place. If we +had met years ago things might have gone differently, but now it is too +late. Too late for apologies and recantations, that is to say, for they +would not be acceptable, even if I could bring myself to the point of +offering them. This sounds as if your example had had no real effect +after all, but it is not so. Outward circumstances may remain the same, +but some of the inward bitterness has gone! Do you remember the old +fairy story about the unfortunate king who had three iron bands clamped +tightly round his heart? It was the result of a spell, of course, and +the only thing which could break their hold was when some mortal did +some really fine and noble deed, then with a great bang one of the bands +broke loose and conveniently disappeared. + +"Well, dear little girl, if your present crack-brained mission is not +working out to your satisfaction, if your neighbours in the `Mansions' +(?) are unappreciative or appreciative in objectionable ways--comfort +yourself with the reflection that your sweet example has burst one of +Charmion's iron bands. I think on reflection one might almost say +_two_, and that she daily blesses you for the relief! + +"I can't send you an address. I have no idea where I am going next, but +before very long you will see me again. I'll burst in upon you some +day, with a Paris hat on my head (and another in my box for a pretty +friend!) and snatch you away from your fads and fancies, and carry you +off to `Pastimes,' to gloat over, all to myself! Don't have anything to +say to any presumptuous man who may try to lure you away. For the +period of our lease you belong to me, and I am not going to give you up. + +"Charmion." + +I smiled, wiped a furtive tear, and carefully folded up the sheet. It +_did_ comfort me to know that I had helped Charmion. I thought happily +of seeing her again, of all the long interesting talks we would have +together. + +Incidentally I thought of our lease. If we paid a penalty, we could +break it at three years. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY. + +STRANGE CONVERSATIONS. + +Billie is slowly recovering. He is sitting up in his cot, languidly +permitting himself to be adored, waited upon by obsequious attendants, +and fed upon the fat of the land. This is the period when outsiders cry +gushingly to an invalid's relations, "How happy you must be!" But as a +cold matter of fact they usually feel very depressed and snappy and +bored. This sounds thankless, but it is nothing of the sort; the +thankfulness is all there, stored up for later realisation, but for the +moment tired nerves are in the ascendant, and pay one out for the +long-drawn strain. + +Relieved from acute anxiety, Mr Thorold began to think of the cost, +count up doctors' visits, and sigh like a furnace; Miss Brown gave +notice. "She wasn't blind and she wasn't deaf. She was aware that she +was not giving satisfaction, and it would be better for both parties--" +The general servant, who had been quite heroic during the time when work +went on the twenty-four hours round, now took to banging dishes and +muttering as she left the room. Old Miss Harding, having lost much +sleep, and spent her few leisure hours in reading aloud to her small +guests, exhibited a tendency to tears and self-pity. Mr Hallett, +disappointed of a hoped-for holiday with his friend as companion, +shrugged his shoulders, and inquired dismally: "What can you expect? +Things always go wrong in this miserable world!" + +Each man in turns paid visits to my flat, and discussed his troubles at +length. Mr Thorold's were mostly financial. What could he do to cut +down expenses? Would I recommend sending the children to live in the +country? Ridiculously cheap houses could be had, if one did not mind +living miles from a station. He himself must, of course, remain in +town; but in a cheap boarding-house he could manage to live on very +little--say a hundred a year--and when he took a holiday he could "run +down to the country". It would be good for the children. + +"While it lasted," I said drily. "Their father might live--with luck-- +for a year or eighteen months. It seems hardly worth while having the +expense of a removal for such a short time." + +He sighed, looked for a moment as if he were going to declare that he +would be glad to be out of it, then pulled himself together and said:-- + +"Well, but I must pull in somehow to pay for all these extra expenses! +Have you anything to suggest?" + +"You might let this flat furnished for a few months in spring. The +porters tell me there are tenants to be found at that time. Odd, isn't +it, that the season should affect `Weltham Mansions'? It's the lap of +the waves, I suppose, but it seems a long way to flow. I could help you +to find cheap country quarters, and you could fit in your own holiday at +the same time, and so save travelling expenses. Lazing about in a +garden may not be exciting, but it's the rest you need. I knew a very +tired man who went off for a golfing week with a friend. His wife told +me he took a fortnight to recover. She said so to the doctor, and he +said, `Of course! What did you expect? It would have been better if he +had gone to bed.'" + +He shrugged impatiently. + +"Maybe it is quite true. I suppose it is. But when a man has only one +fortnight in the year, he might be allowed to enjoy it in his own way! +It's an idea, though--letting the flat. Thanks for the suggestion. +I'll speak to an agent." + +Mr Hallett rested his big shoulders against my cushions, and said in +his low, grave tones:-- + +"You are a woman--you understand these things. Is there any way in +which I can help? It's pretty tough to see an old friend worried to +death, and just sit and look on--but Thorold's proud, and it's difficult +to interfere. It seems a cruel thing that illness should fall so +heavily upon the middle classes. The rich are independent, the poor +have hospitals; but a man in Thorold's position is no sooner through +with the mental torture than he is up against an army of bills. It +seems that Billie is bound to keep his nurses for several weeks longer. +That's a big item in itself." + +It was! Often during these last weeks I had thought to myself what a +grand occupation it would be for an independent woman to train as a +nurse, and then give one or two doctors leave to call her in to serve-- +without payment--in cases like the present, where need was great and +means were small. I went off into a day-dream in which I saw myself, in +cap and apron, acting as ministering angel to the suffering middle +class, to be roused by Mr Hallett's voice saying tentatively:-- + +"I'm a poor man, but I am alone in the world, so there's no object in +saving. Why shouldn't I settle a few of the bills for Billie's illness +and say nothing about it?" + +I shook my head. + +"Mr Thorold would find out and be furious. You must help openly, or +not at all. You have helped by keeping him company all these weeks." + +He hitched his shoulders, and made a grimace of disparagement. + +"It's a long time since my company could be called cheering, I'm afraid. +Thorold is `down and out' himself, and he ought to have happy people +about him." He turned his dark eyes upon me with sudden interest. +"Like _you_!" he said emphatically, "like _you_! Excuse a personal +remark, Miss Harding, but you seem to have an eternal flow of vitality. +Thorold and I were talking about you last night, comparing you with +other women of your--er--your generation. We agreed that you left an +extraordinary impression of youth!" He looked at me with wistful eyes. +He was a lonely man, and I was a woman, conveniently at hand, and +possessed of a "feeling heart". An impulse towards confidence struggled +to birth. In his eyes I could see it grow. + +"I suppose," he began tentatively, "you have had an easy life?" + +"In a material sense--yes! But I have had my trials." A wave of +self-pity engulfed me and quivered in my voice. "I have been separated, +by death or distance, from all my relatives. My best friend is abroad." + +"Death--or distance!" he repeated the words in his deep, slow tones, as +though they had struck a note in his own heart. "But distance _is_ +death, Miss Harding! The worst kind of death. Desolation without +peace! Thorold thinks himself brokenhearted, but there are men who +would envy him his clean, sweet grief. His sorrow is for himself alone. +She is at peace!" + +"Ah," I said quickly, "I know what you mean. When we are quite young, +death seems the crowning loss, but there are worse things--I've +discovered that! I realised it in those terrible days when we feared +for Billie's brain. When you love people very much, it would be a daily +death to know that they were suffering." + +He gazed gloomily into the fire. + +"It is extraordinary--the capacity for suffering of the human heart! +Physically we are so easily destroyed. An invisible germ will do it, +the prick of a finger, a draught of cold air; but a man can live on, +suffering mental torture, month after month, year after year, and his +weight will hardly decrease by a pound. You read of broken hearts, but +there are no such things! Hearts are invulnerable, torture-proof, +guaranteed to endure all shocks!" + +It occurred to me that it was time that Miss Harding exerted her +vitality and stopped this flow of repining. The poor man had evidently +had some tragedy in his life which had warped his outlook. He needed +cheering--we all needed cheering; proverbially the surest way of +cheering yourself is to cheer other people; therefore the sane and +obvious way of spending his money was in providing cheer for the +company. I said as much, and he said, "Certainly; but how? It was +winter time. A winter's day in London holds an insuperable barrier +against any possibility of enjoyment." I said, "Not at all! There were +heaps of things--heaps of ways." He said, "Would I kindly specify one +or two of the `heaps'?" I said, "Certainly not! The essence of a treat +lay in its quality of surprise. It was for him to think." He smiled at +me with whimsical amusement, and cried, "You said that just like a girl. +You are a girl at heart, Miss Harding, in spite of your grey hairs. +What a pity you did not marry, you would have given some man and some +kiddies such a thundering good time. I know, of course, that it was +your own doing. There must have been--" + +"Oh, there were!" I cried glibly. "Several!" + +"But you couldn't--You were never tempted?" + +"No, never. At least--" Suddenly I found that it was necessary to +qualify that denial. "There are two things which are always tempting to +a woman, Mr Hallett--love and strength! Every woman would be glad to +have a strong, loving man to take care of her--if he were the right +man!" + +"Well!" he sighed, and rose heavily from his seat. "No doubt you knew +best, but--I hope you gave him his chance! We men have many sides, but +the best side is apt to remain hidden until some woman brings it out. +If he loved you, you owed him something. I hope you played fair and +gave him his chance!" + +He turned towards the door; we shook hands, and he left without another +word. I turned back to the fire, sat me down, and thought. + +Ralph Maplestone had demanded his chance, and I had thought myself noble +and brave in refusing to give it. He was strong and he was loving; he +had asked nothing better than to take care of me. Would the time ever +come, when I was really old, when I should sit by a lonely hearth and +look back and regret? I thought of Mr Hallett's voice as he spoke +those last words, and saw a vision of his face. It is a beautiful face, +and I dearly love beauty. What a satisfaction it would be to go through +life looking at the curve of that nose and the modelling of that chin +and jaw! I thought of the Squire's stern voice, and his blunt, +plain-featured face. Always, always, so long as I lived, I should long +to take a pair of pincers and tweak that nose into shape, and nip little +pieces of flesh from the neck, and pad them on the hollows beneath the +cheek-bones. Suddenly I began to laugh. I imagined myself doing it-- +saw the expression in the blue, startled eyes. + +Strange how plain faces can fascinate more than beautiful ones! My +laughter died away. It is difficult to keep on laughing by oneself. I +was tired, and had been giving out sympathy all day; depression clutched +me, and a restless irritability. At this auspicious moment the orphan +knocked at the door and announced that Number 19 would be glad to speak +a few words. + +"Show her in!" I said, and in she came--a pretty, thin, little woman, +with a tempery eye. + +"I am sorry to intrude, but you must really understand that this is too +much! When people live in flats, it is essential that they show some +consideration for their neighbours. Will you kindly listen to that?" + +I listened. Winifred and Marion were playing at "bears," and chasing +Bridget to her death. Engrossed in my own thoughts, I had paid no +attention, beyond a subconscious satisfaction that they were enjoying +themselves. The roars did not annoy me, but they were certainly fairly +loud. I tendered a civil explanation. + +"It's Mr Thorold's little girls. Their brother has been dangerously +ill. They are staying with me." + +"Is there any necessity for them to shriek at the pitch of their +voices?" + +"They are out for hours every day. This is their play-time before they +go to bed. They go at seven." + +"And wake at six! For the last fortnight we have been disturbed every +morning. My husband wishes me to say that if it goes on he will +complain to the landlord. I have complained before, as you know, but +without effect. Ever since you came we have been annoyed." + +I was furious. Whatever had happened during the last fortnight, no one +could have been quieter before. "And what about themselves?" I said +coldly. "Do you imagine that the landlord will be able to make children +sleep beyond their usual hour?" + +"Certainly not, but they can be kept quiet. When people go to bed +late"--she stopped short, arrested by my expression, stared for a +moment, and then concluded--"they naturally object to being disturbed in +the morning. We breakfast at nine. This morning we were kept awake by +quarrelling voices for over an hour." + +I bowed politely. + +"I am sorry. It is most disagreeable. I have had the same experience +myself, but at the beginning of the night." + +The words jumped out. The moment I had said them I was sorry, and when +I saw her poor startled face I could have cried. The slow red rose in +her cheeks; we stared into each other's eyes, and both spoke at the same +time. She said:-- + +"Oh-oh! Can you _hear_?" + +I said:-- + +"Oh, I'm sorry! I should not have said it. Forgive me! I'm tired and +cross after nursing upstairs. I want to quarrel myself. I'm sorry! +I'll keep the children quiet. They will soon be going home. Please +always let me know if I'm a bother. I'll do everything I can!" + +She looked at me--a puzzled look--and mumbled cold thanks. This was a +case when my apparent years were against me. If I had been Evelyn--a +girl like herself--we would have clasped hands and made friends. As it +was, she distrusted the elderly woman who showed an impulsiveness +foreign to her years. She departed hurriedly, leaving me plunged in +fresh woe. + +A nice person _I_ am, to blame a man for having a bad temper! I have +hurt a sister woman, who has the hardest lot which any woman can have in +life--a loveless home! + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY ONE. + +MR MAPLESTONE IS PLEASED. + +As a result of my suggestion, Mr Hallett has taken Mr Thorold to +several concerts, and as a crowning effort actually lured him to a +week-end at Brighton. That was last week; and as the day was mild and-- +almost!--sunny, I suggested to the little girls that we should go +holiday-making on our own account, and pay a visit to the Zoo. + +The proposal excited great enthusiasm, and an early lunch was ordered so +that we could set forth in good time, so as to have a couple of hours +with the animals before adjourning to a confectioner's for tea. I +remembered my own childhood too well to suggest returning home for the +meal. To drink tea out of strange cups, in a strange room, to have a +practically unlimited choice of strange cakes--this is a very orgie of +bliss to anything "in one figure," and when the tea is followed by a +drive home in a taxi, satisfaction approaches delirium. I remembered +Mr Thorold's pathetic "Make them happy!" and determined that, if it +were in my power, this should be a day to be remembered. + +Lunch was finished, I dressed the little girls in their new hats and +coats, wriggled their fingers into new gloves, saw to it that there was +not a crease in their stockings nor a chink in the lacing of their +boots, and had just settled them on the sofa in the drawing-room to wait +quietly until I rushed through my own hasty toilette, when--the door +opened, and who should walk in but Ralph Maplestone himself! + +For different reasons his appearance struck consternation into the +breasts of all three beholders. I was naturally overcome with +embarrassment as to what he had come for now; the little girls were +seized with a devastating fear lest his arrival should interfere with +their treat. They leapt to their feet, and rent the air with +protestations. + +"Oh, oh! It's the Same Man!" + +"We're going out! We're going out! We've got on our hats." + +"To the Zoo! So's Miss Harding. She's just going to put on her hat." + +"It's our treat. Father's away. He's having a treat, and she +promised--she promised we could go!" + +Tears sounded in the voices, showed in suspicious redness round the +eyes. Mr Maplestone smiled--like many grave people he has a beautiful +smile--he laid one big hand on the top of each little hat, and swayed +them gently to and fro. + +"Well, and why not? Of course you are going! All good little girls go +to the Zoo, and ride on the elephants, and throw buns to the bears. You +are extra good little girls, and so you can see something else--a little +bird, not much bigger than a canary, who can talk and say words almost +as well as you can yourselves. And think of the monkeys!" + +He withdrew one hand and held it out to me across the children's heads, +smiling and apologetic. + +"I'm afraid I am looked upon as an obstacle. Please don't let me detain +you. I would not disappoint them for the world. I can call another +day." + +But by this time fear had given place to gratitude and the quick +affection which children show to grown-ups who understand! Winifred and +Marion leapt at his arms, clung, wheedled, and implored. + +"You come too! You come too! Show us the bird that talks. We want +you. We want you to come with us. Miss Harding wants you. You _do_ +want him, don't you, Miss Harding?" + +The leap of my heart showed that I did! The very suggestion had been +enough to give an altogether different aspect to the expedition; to +invest it with a spice of adventure, not to say romance, which was most +refreshing to a spinster living in a basement flat! I fought down an +inclination to laugh, _hoped_ that I conquered an inclination to blush, +and said primly:-- + +"My dears, you must not be exacting. Mr Milestone has no doubt +engagements--" + +"Not one!" he contradicted eagerly. "Not one! Please let me come, Miss +Harding. It would be a charity, for if you turn me away I shall be at a +loose end all the afternoon. I am like a fish out of water in town!" + +"You should return to the country," I said sternly. "It is wasting time +to remain here." + +The children caught at the last sentence, naturally applied it to their +own plans, and pranced with renewed impatience. + +"Yes! Yes! You said directly after lunch. Put on your hat, Miss +Harding--do put it on! We want to see the bird." + +He looked at me, lifted his eyebrows, and smiled as if to say that +further protest was useless, and indeed it seemed that it was. There +was nothing for it but to retire to my room, and put on the boat-shaped +hat, the thick, unbecoming veil, and the badly-cut coat, which aided my +outdoor disguise. + +I looked plain to a degree. Nothing in the world can disfigure a woman +more successfully than an unbecoming hat and a cheap black veil, which +imparts a dingy, leaden tint to the complexion. I had every reason to +be satisfied with my disguise that afternoon, but I wasn't. Not a bit! +I felt cross, and irritated, and balked! + +We took a taxi and drove straight to the Albert Road entrance, made our +way down the steep incline, under the bridge, and up again towards the +lion houses. Marion and Winifred hung, one on each of Ralph's arms, +chattering in a continuous stream. Child-like, they ignored me in the +fascinations of a new friend; also--and this interested me very much!-- +he was charming with them, hitting just the right combination of sense +and nonsense, entering into their ideas, and adapting himself with an +enjoyment which was obviously real, not feigned. I reminded myself that +this was the first time I had seen him in the company of children. + +_Mem_. Every woman ought to see a man in several circumstances before +she accepts him as a husband. + +1. In his own home. + +2. With his dependents. With children and old people. With his best +friend. + +3. When he is angry. + +4. Tried by the money test. + +5. Flirted with by a woman prettier than herself. + +We visited the larger animals in turns, and whenever there was a seat +the Squire thoughtfully pressed me to sit down, while the children +pranced about to let off the steam of their enjoyment. After a few +minutes he invariably joined me, and led the conversation to the same +topic. Above the roar of the lions, above the jabber of the monkeys, he +shouted in my ears to know if I were still obdurate. Wouldn't I help +him? Why wouldn't I help him? If I really loved Evelyn, and cared for +her welfare, how could I stand aside? I must see--surely I must see +that she belonged to the essentially feminine type of women who needed a +home! + +"I believe there are many women nowadays who are honestly satisfied with +an independent career, but she is not one. She is made to love and be +loved. She needs a man to look after her." + +"The right kind of man!" I said primly. "I agree with your diagnosis, +Mr Maplestone, but Evelyn's nature makes it peculiarly essential that +she should make a wise choice. If her marriage was a failure, she would +suffer greatly. No one but herself can decide who is the Right Man." + +Feeding hour was approaching; a furious outburst of roars proclaimed the +lions' knowledge of the fact. Mr Maplestone leant his arm on the back +of the seat and shouted into my ear:-- + +"But you know her so well; she has spoken to you. There could be no +harm in giving me some hints. Some things might be altered, though +others could not. Does she think me an ugly brute?" + +His face was close to mine. I looked at the blunt features, the clear, +healthful tints, and found nothing that offended my eye. + +As I had realised in Mr Hallett's presence, expression counts for more +than mere correctness of outline. I turned aside and shook my head. + +"The question of appearance does not count. In that respect you have +the one qualification which a woman demands." + +"Which is?" + +"Manliness--strength. Evelyn would care little for handsome features." + +He sighed relief. + +"Disposition then! I made a bad impression at our first meeting. My +temper is hasty. I dislike opposition, but if we loved one another we +should agree. There would be no opposition." + +I smiled at his innocence. It is astonishing how guileless these big, +strong men can be. I was about to undeceive him, but before I had time +to speak the children were back with a rush, dragging at our arms, and +demanding to move on. For the next half-hour we had no private +conversation, but at the first chance he began once more. + +"Evelyn has been accustomed to the country. I could give her the life +she likes. If she wished it I would take a house in town for the +season. To a certain extent I believe in women's rights. I should not +interfere with her pursuits. I should want her to be happy in her own +way." + +"Always providing that her husband was the chief consideration, and came +before everything else?" + +"Of course!" he cried loudly. "Why, of course! What else could you +expect?" + +I waved my thick dogskin gloves. + +"Oh, Mr Maplestone, what is the use of arguing? It all comes back to +the one thing. If she loved you the other things would adjust +themselves. Without love, without sympathy, all would go wrong." + +"There is sympathy. She may not realise it, perhaps, but if she thinks, +if you ask her to think, she must acknowledge that, in spite of small +surface disagreements, our real selves have drawn together, closer and +closer. Ask her if she feels to me as she does towards other men? If +there seems no difference between us? I know she does not love +me--_yet_; but if she gave me my chance, I could make her. No, she +would not need to be made. You can at least tell her that." + +Mr Hallett's words sounded warningly in my ears. I hesitated, weakly +compromised. + +"Yes--I might go so far. She shall hear what you say, and judge for +herself. And now we have really talked enough. Suppose we hear your +bird for a change?" + +An hour later we drove to Fuller's and indulged in tea. It was +curiously enough the sight of one of the well-known angel cakes which +recalled Delphine Merrivale to my memory, for she had shown a child-like +appreciation of these dainties when they had appeared on our tea-table +at "Pastimes". Poor little Delphine! I felt a pang of compunction when +I remembered what store she had set on my friendship, and how little, +how very little, I had concerned myself about her during the last +months! With due caution I proceeded to seek information. + +"I hope the tenants at `Pastimes' are well, and the Vicar and his wife-- +that pretty little `Delphine' of whom Evelyn is so fond?" + +"The Vicar is not well; been ailing all autumn, but Delphine is going +strong. Quite launched out this autumn. Become quite a leader of +fashion in our small world." + +I felt another pang--of foreboding this time, and said sharply:-- + +"How very unsuitable! Are you speaking figuratively, Mr Maplestone? +Surely a clergyman's wife--" + +"Clergymen's wives differ, Miss Harding, as greatly as the wives of +other members of society. They are not turned out by a machine, and +this particular one is very young, and not particularly wise." + +"Apparently not. In what way has she `launched out'?" + +"Oh-oh--" he vaguely waved his hands. + +"Smart clothes, you know. Lots of 'em. Dinner parties. Luncheons. +Less parish work, and more amusement. Always trotting over to the +`Moat'." + +The present owners of the "Moat" were rich City people who gave lavish +entertainments, and obviously chose their friends with a consideration +of how much amusement could be counted upon in return. Pretty, gay +Delphine was a valuable addition to a house-party, and would no doubt +receive as many invitations as she cared to accept; but the influence +could not be good. Continual association with smart, worldly people +would of a certainty heighten her discontent, and lure her into +extravagance. + +I munched my cake in gloomy silence, which was not lightened by the next +remark. + +"I'm sorry for Delphine's sake that--she--is away! If you worry it out, +this development is her doing. She ought to be there to put on the +brake!" + +"What do you mean? In what possible way is Evelyn to blame?" + +"Who spoke of blame? I didn't! It is natural to her to be dainty and +beautiful. She has the money, and she has the taste. What is wrong for +the wife of a poor man is a virtue in a rich woman. Even I--a man--who +never noticed such things before, found pleasure in her clothes. She +had one blue muslin--" + +He looked at me with dumb, awed eyes. Surely never did a muslin gown at +somewhere about a shilling a yard, reap such a harvest of appreciation. +I shall preserve that dress in lavender and rose leaves for evermore. + +"Until She came, Delphine had the field to herself in our little +village. Any comparisons must have been in her favour. Then suddenly +she found herself up against a new standard. Being young and-- +er--_vain_, she evidently felt it necessary to her peace of mind to +follow the leader. From a spectacular point of view the effect is +good." + +Spectacular indeed! I was too perturbed, too anxious to speak. +Evidently Delphine had been going in for an orgie of extravagance; a +pretty serious one too, since it had attracted the attention of a mere +man; and some of the responsibility seemed to fall on my own shoulders! +I determined to write her a letter that very night, and in absent-minded +fashion began to compose its sentences as I poured out second cups of +tea. "Although I have not written, you must not think that I have +forgotten you. I am leading a busy life, and have little time to spare, +but if you should ever need me; if there ever comes a time when you feel +I can be of real help, write to me through my lawyers, and I could meet +you in town, or even run down for the day." + +Yes, that would do! That would open the way for confidences, if she +were in a mood to make them. In any case, I should feel more satisfied +in my own mind when I had sent off the message, and shown that I was to +be found if needed. + +Looking up suddenly from the tea tray I beheld Ralph Maplestone smiling +to himself across the table, with precisely the same mysterious +accession of complaisance that I had noticed on his first visit to the +flat. Our eyes met, and he turned aside, drawing in his lips to hide +the smile, but the light danced in his eyes, and refused to be quenched. + +Most mysterious and perplexing! His moods are evidently very variable. +I am glad he was pleased, but I should very much like to know why! + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY TWO. + +MRS MERRIVALE'S APPEAL. + +Every one has noticed that the thought of a friend after a spell of +forgetfulness is frequently the harbinger of a sudden meeting, or of the +receipt of a letter or message. Such happenings are called "curious +coincidences"; but personally I don't consider them curious at all, or +at least no more curious than it is to send a message by telephone, and +to hear in reply a familiar voice speaking across the space. When the +heart sends forth a wireless message of love and goodwill, surely, if we +have in any sense grasped the wonderful power of thought, we must +believe that the message reaches its destination, and calls forth a +response! Right thoughts--thoughts of love and pity and helpfulness-- +are prayers winged to heaven and earth; bad thoughts--mean and grudging +and censorious--well, they injure the person who thinks them so much, +that there can't be much poison left for the recipient. In any case, +such leaden things can't rise. + +This moralising leads up to the fact that while my own letter to +Delphine lay unfinished on my desk, a note arrived from Ralph +Maplestone, to give me grave news of her husband. + +"I am summoned home," he wrote, "in my capacity of vicar's warden. +While I have been in town, poor Merrivale has had an attack of +influenza, which has been pretty serious, and has left him rather +alarmingly weak. I insisted upon calling in a consultant from B--, +whose verdict is that the lungs are seriously threatened. I have feared +it for some time, and am glad that he is now forced to take care. He is +ordered complete rest, and is to get out of England for the spring +months. I shall be kept busy here for some weeks, but expect to run up +to town for a day's business now and then, when I will give myself the +pleasure of calling on you. Meanwhile, will you kindly pass on the news +to Miss Wastneys. I know she will be interested. I rely on you to +fulfil your kind promise." By the same post came a letter from +Charmion, tentatively breaking the news that she would not return for +Christmas. Several minor reasons had contributed to this decision, but +the big one was that she was still "working out her cure" and could do +it better in solitude. What about me? Would I go to Ireland? Could I +work in a visit to friends? Rather than think of me sitting alone in my +dreary little flat, she would put everything on one side, and come +rushing home. + +"Dreary little flat, indeed!" I looked round the dainty, rose-lit room, +and laughed a derisive laugh. It was strange. I did not feel a bit +depressed. Life in the basement flat was very full, very interesting, +of late days thrillingly exciting into the bargain. I was not at all +sure that I wanted to go back to "Pastimes" so soon. Christmas in the +flat offered endless possibilities. I would have a tree! Mrs Manners +should help me. Her children would come, and all the Thorolds, and +their father, and Mr Hallett. There should be lots of toys, and lots +of baubles, but useful things too! Things which should truthfully be +"just what I wanted!" Perhaps I would be noble and forgiving and ask +Eric and Claudia and Moreen. Poor mites, it wasn't their fault that +their mother wore false pearls! The tree should be on Christmas Eve, +and on Christmas night I would invite the grown-ups to dinner, and give +them a light, dainty feast, with never a shadow of roast beef or plum +pudding! They could do their duty by convention at the midday meal. + +In two minutes' time I had thought out the whole menu, even the +decorations on the table. What fun it would be! How they would all +enjoy it! How little Mrs Manners would revel in the shopping +expeditions! Her present should be a pretty blouse--something pretty, +bought with a view to what is becoming, and not to what will be useful, +and wear for several seasons, and then cut up into dusters. An +occasional extravagance _is_ such a tonic to a feminine mind! As for +the men, Mr Thorold should have a box of cigars. Mr Hallett should +have the same. And in the deadliest secrecy I would commission each to +buy for the other. Then they would be sure to get the right brand. + +As for "Pastimes"--our guest tenant would be delighted to have her stay +extended. I wondered if the gardener would pine for Bridget! I +wondered if--_anyone_--would pine for me! Personally the prospect of +occasional "calls" pleased me better than the thought of meetings in the +country, under the Argus eye of village gossips. In the latter case one +would be self-conscious and restrained; in the former, safe from +observation, doubly sheltered behind wig and spectacles, there could be +no doubt as to which position afforded the better opportunity of getting +to know a man's character. + +I wrote a letter to Charmion, reassuring her as to Christmas in my +"dreary flat"; I tore up the unfinished note to Delphine, and sent +another, assuring her of my sympathy, repeating my offers of help. Poor +little girl! Her real love for "Jacky" would be in the ascendant now, +and all the pleasure and vanities for which she had pined would seem +trivial things, compared with his dear life. + +I did not write to Mr Maplestone. The difficulty of handwriting came +in, and there was no real necessity to answer his note. If I knew +Delphine, she would find it a relief to pour forth her woes on paper. I +waited confidently for a letter to appear. + +Two days passed by, three; I was growing anxious, and debating if I +should write again, when there came a loud rat-tat at the door, and a +reply-paid telegram was handed in, addressed to Miss Wastneys:-- + +"Letter received. Need urgent. Unable to leave. Can you come +to-morrow. Beg you not to refuse. Delphine." + +I seized a pencil, scribbled a hasty "Expect me by train arriving +twelve," and having despatched the promise, sat down to consider how I +was to keep it. What an excitement to think of feeling young again, and +being able to devote my attention to looking as nice as I could, instead +of laboriously contriving disfigurements! Under my bed lived a box +wardrobe on wheels, in which, carefully stretched and padded to avoid +creases, reposed a selection of garments which were certainly not suited +to old Miss Harding's requirement. Mentally I reviewed them, selected +the prettiest and most becoming, saw a vision of myself putting the last +touches before the glass, with Bridget's beaming face watching every +stage. Oh, it would be an exhilarating variety, and easy, too-- +perfectly easy. I would give the orphan leave of absence for two days, +and send her rejoicing to stay with "me aunt". Then in leisurely +enjoyment I would make my toilette and march complacently into the +street. We possess no porter in our modest mansions; ten to one I +should pass through the hall unseen, and even if I had the ill-luck to +encounter a neighbour--well, if my disguise is good enough to deceive +Ralph Maplestone, it can surely defy less interested eyes! + +Bridget was as excited as I was. She hustled the orphan out of the +flat, and superintended my toilette as eagerly as though I were dressing +for a wedding, instead of a country visit. + +"Praise the fates, we'll see you looking yourself again! I never was in +favour of this dressing up, and playing tricks with a face which anyone +else would be proud to have, and to take care of. Not that you hadn't +more sense than I gave you credit for! We've been a godsend to this +place, and if anyone doubts it, let 'em look at the kitchen book, and +see the pounds of good meat I've made into beef tea with me own hands. +And you running about by day and by night, waiting on 'em all in turns. +There's no doubt but we've done good, but what I say is--why not do it +with your own face?" + +"Don't be foolish, Bridget! I couldn't do it! Look at me now!"--I +swirled round to face her, with a rustle of silk and a flare of skirts. +"_Do_ I look the sort of person to wheel out prams, and give tea parties +to widowers, and be looked upon as a prop and support by my neighbours?" + +Bridget chuckled. + +"Go away wid you then!" said she, and that was the end of the +discussion. + +I met no one in the hall. I met no one in the street. I jumped into a +taxi at the corner and drove off to the station without running the +remotest chance of detection. It was so easy that I determined to do it +again! Every now and then just for a change--just to remember what it +was like to look nice! I arrived at the station and took my ticket. +There was no one I knew upon the platform. I walked to the further end, +and took a seat in an empty first-class carriage. The collector came +round and looked at the tickets; there was a banging all down the length +of the train, a sharp call, "Take your seats, please; take your seats!" +The door of my compartment opened and shut. Ralph Maplestone seated +himself in the corner opposite mine! + +"How do you do, Miss Wastneys," said he, as cool as a cucumber. + +"How do you do, Mr Maplestone," said I, as red as a beetroot. + +Was it chance? Was it coincidence? Was it a deep and laborious plan? +Had he heard from Delphine of my coming and rushed to town for the +express purpose of returning in my company? It looked very like it. My +wire could not have arrived at the Vicarage until after five in the +afternoon, and the next train to town left at nine p.m. There was also +an early morning one at eight-thirty. My brain seethed with curious +questions, but there seemed only a moment's pause before I spoke +again:-- + +"Have you been staying in town?" + +"Er--" his eyes showed a faint flicker of amusement--"not long. You are +going down to see Delphine, I suppose. That's good of you. She needs +bucking up. The Vicar's pretty bad, but with rest and change there's no +reason why he shouldn't pick up. We are arranging to make things easy +for them. It will do him no good if she makes herself miserable." + +"That's the sort of futile remark that outsiders generally make on these +occasions. They make me furious!" I cried, glad of an excuse to work +off my self-consciousness in a show of indignation. "Perhaps it won't; +but as he belongs to her, and she loves him, she can hardly be expected +to be happy! In illness all the sympathy is lavished on the invalid. +In reality, the relations are more to be pitied. It's far easier to lie +still and bear physical pain than it is to be wracked with anxiety, and +fatigue, and responsibility all at the same time." + +He said, looking at me with an air of the most profound attention:-- + +"You are thinner than you were. Your face is thinner--" + +"We were not talking about my face. How long has Mr Merrivale really +been ill?" + +"It's difficult to say. He is the sort of fellow who never thinks about +himself, and Delphine is not--not exactly noticing! I fancy she blames +herself now; but he never complained, and always went on working at full +pressure, till this attack came on, and he went down with a crash." + +"And now? How does he seem now?" + +His forehead wrinkled into lines. + +"Depressed. Nervous. Inclined to be jumpy. He has lived for his work, +and hates the idea of giving up, even for a time. He has overtaxed his +strength for years, and his nerves are bound to play up. However, once +we get them off to the sun, he'll soon pull round." + +"And when do they--" + +"As soon as possible. It is Delphine who is putting things off. So far +as Merrivale himself is concerned, the sooner he starts the better. +He'll not grow any stronger where he is. When are you coming back to +`Pastimes'?" + +"It's uncertain. Not before Christmas. Is your mother quite well?" + +"Quite, thanks. You know that I have made Miss Harding's acquaintance. +She is a charming old lady." + +"I'm so glad you like her. I knew you had called. Nice little flat, +isn't it?" + +He growled, his face eloquent with disapproval. + +"If you call it `nice' to live burrowed underground! How sane people +can consent to live in town, herded together in a building more like a +prison than a home--" + +"`The goodness and the grace' did not make us _all_ country squires!" I +said shortly, whereat he laughed--quite an easy, genial laugh, and +twinkled at me with his blue eyes. It was extraordinary how natural and +at his ease he appeared; so different from the stiff, silent man I had +known at Escott! + +The journey takes exactly sixty minutes, and we talked the whole way. +For the first twenty minutes I was on my guard, nerving myself to say +"No" for the second time, with due firmness and finality. For the next +twenty I was friendly and natural. He was behaving so well that he +deserved encouragement. During the third twenty I said less, stared out +of the carriage window, and felt a disagreeable feeling of irritation +and depression. He went on talking about books and gardens and parish +difficulties, and I wasn't interested one bit. One may not wish a man +to propose to one for the second time; but, with the echo of vows of +undying devotion ringing in one's ears, it _is_ rather daunting to go +through an hour's _tete-a-tete_ without one personal remark! He had +said that I was thin. Perhaps he found me changed in other ways. +Perhaps on meeting me again he found he did not like me as much as he +had believed. Perhaps he was glad that I had said "No". We parted at +the Vicarage gate; he apparently quite comfortable and composed, I in +the lowest depths. What a change from last time! + +The door opened, and before I had time to blink Delphine's arms were +round me, and a hot, wet cheek pressed against mine. She was sobbing in +a hard, breathless way which made my heart leap; but even on the way to +her sitting-room I gathered that my first fear was unfounded. + +"Jacky was--the same! In bed. So tired--always so tired! Seems to +care for nothing. Hardly even"--the blue eyes opened in incredulous +misery--"for _me_!" + +"When people are very weak, they can't care. It takes strength even to +love--at least, to realise that one loves. I never knew a man who +adored his wife more than Mr Merrivale does you; but I expect it suits +him better just now to lie quietly and snooze rather than to hold your +hand and watch you cry." + +She looked guilty at that, and tossed her head with a spice of her old +spirit. But the next moment her breath caught in a sob, and she cried +desperately:-- + +"Oh, Evelyn, it's all awful! Other things--everything--far worse than +you know. I'm the most miserable creature in the world. I think I +shall go mad. I sent for you because--" + +"Hold hard for one moment! I'm hungry! I need my lunch! So do you, by +the look of you. Shall we have it first, and tackle the serious +business afterwards in your room, where we shan't be interrupted. There +will be plenty of time; I needn't leave till five." + +"I ordered cutlets, and an omelette, and coffee afterwards. All the +things you liked best when you were here. But I can't eat a bite. It +would choke me. I hate the sight of food." + +"Very well then--you can watch me eat mine," I said, with the +callousness of one who had heard dozens of people declare the same +thing, and then watched them tuck into a square meal. Delphine proved +another protester to add to the list. She ate her share of the meal +with no sign of choking, and brightened into acutest interest at hearing +of my escort from town. The fork stopped half-way to her mouth; her +eyes widened to saucer size. In the sheer surprise of the moment she +forgot her grief and anxieties. + +"But--but--how _could_ he be there? He was here last night. Quite +late. Ten o'clock. Walked down after dinner to hear how Jacky was!" + +I made a vague sweeping gesture, which was designed to express a lack of +all responsibility concerning the Squire's eccentricities, but +Delphine's suspicions were aroused, and she was not to be easily put +off. + +"He must have gone up by the workman's train. And yours left at eleven. +How very peculiar! And he said nothing last night. ... Did I tell him +you were coming?" She wrinkled her brows in the effort to remember. +"Yes, I did. He said something about taking me for a drive to freshen +me up, and I said you would be here before lunch. Evelyn, he couldn't +possibly have gone to meet you!" + +Evidently she suspected nothing. I tried to look composed and natural, +and said lightly:-- + +"It seems preposterous, doesn't it. He certainly did not say so." + +She stared at me curiously. + +"What did you talk about? About us? Did he say anything about me?" + +"Of course. What do you suppose? We had quite an argument, because he +seemed to think it a pity that you should injure yourself by fretting, +and I said I didn't see how you could do anything else." + +She smiled, and tilted her head, her complacency restored. + +"That was it, I suppose! He wanted to talk to you before you saw me. +He is good. And you argued with him, you say? Disagreed, I suppose. +Oh, well--men are always more tender-hearted than women." + +I felt annoyed, and munched in silence, staring fixedly at my plate. If +this particular man was so much more understanding, why had she summoned +me from town? + +After lurch Delphine ran upstairs to see her husband for a few minutes, +and then returned to me in her little sitting-room. He was tired, she +said, and hoped to sleep until tea. She had not told him of my visit; +he was so listless and apathetic that it worried him to talk, or to have +people talk to him. "I don't believe he will ever be the same again!" + +"People always say that in the middle of an illness, but they find their +mistake later on. After a long rest the Vicar will be better than he +has been for years, and it will be your business to see that he never +works so hard again. You were always longing for a change, Delphine. +Think how you will enjoy Switzerland, sitting out in the crisp clear +air, looking at those glorious mountains, with no house or parish to +worry over--nothing to do but wait on your dear man, and watch him +growing stronger every day!" + +She looked at me dumbly, while the colour faded out of her cheeks, and +the pretty curved lips twitched and trembled. I saw her clasp her +hands, and brace herself against her chair, and knew that the moment for +confession had come, and that it was difficult to find words. + +"No worry!" she repeated slowly. "No worry! But that's just what is +killing me. I'm so worried, so worried that I feel sometimes, Evelyn, +as if I were going out of my mind!" + +"You mean--about your husband?" I asked, but the question was really +put as a lead; I knew she was not referring to illness. + +Delphine shook her head. + +"That is bad enough, but it is not the worst. The worst is that through +me--through my wretched, selfish, vain, discontented folly, I--I have +made it difficult for him even to get well. I--I have got into a +horrible mess, Evelyn, and when he hears of it--when he has to hear, he +will be so worried, so miserable, so disappointed, that it will bring on +a relapse, and he will probably be worse than before. We can neither of +us be happy again--never, never, any more!" + +"Sounds pretty bad!" I said, startled. "But there must be some way +out, or you would not have sent for me to help you. You are going to +tell me the whole truth, Delphine! Half confidences are no use. You +will speak honestly, and--let me speak honestly to you?" + +"Oh, yes! You _will_ do, whether I allow you or not. I know you!" + +"Well, then"--I bent forward, staring full in her face--"let's get to +the point. Is it another man?" + +Her face answered, without the need of words. Amazed resentment blazed +out of her blue eyes. + +"Another man! I should think not! How hateful of you, Evelyn! I'm +despicable enough, but I love Jacky. There's no other man in the world +for me. Of course," she paused, and faintly smiled, as at a soothing +recollection, "people admire me. I can't help that, and there's no harm +so long as I don't flirt. There's the Squire. I think if I were not +married, he might want--but I _am_ married, and it's the honest truth +that I've never said a word to a man since our marriage that I shouldn't +be willing for Jacky to hear. No! it's not that--" + +"It's money, then," I said quickly. (So the Squire would "want," would +he? Oh, indeed!) "Delphine! you have been getting into debt?" + +"Oh, how did you guess?" She turned her head over her shoulder, as +though afraid some one might overhear. "Oh, Evelyn, nobody knows but +you. I think I have been mad. Goodness knows what I expected to happen +in the end. I was in a crazy, rebellious mood, tired to death of being +dull and careful, and I had a wild spell of extravagance, ordered +whatever I wanted, ran up bills in town. I went to your dressmaker. I +was sick of making my own clothes, and looking a frump. I'm young, and +I'm pretty, I wanted to look nice while I could. Every one said I _did_ +look nice; but she is a terror, that woman of yours! I had no idea of +the bill!" + +"You did not ask for estimates in advance?" + +"How could I? I didn't even know what to order. I just said, `A pretty +dress for the afternoon.' `A hat with roses.' `An evening cloak.' +Descriptions like that. And there was the habit, too, and little +things--oddments. They grow into mountains! And I bought furniture to +make my room look pretty and homelike. You remember you said I deserved +to have one nice room!" + +Apparently this extravagance also could be traced to my influence! It +was useless to waste any more words. I went straight to the point. + +"How much?" + +"Oh!" she started and shivered. "I'm ashamed to say. And now--we are +going away, and the bills have to be paid. I'm a new customer, and they +keep sending them in. And the house books! They have run on. Jacky +gave me some money. I _meant_ to pay them, honestly I did, Evelyn, but +somehow the money frittered away till there wasn't enough left. I paid +some--but there are others left. Jacky would hate it, if we left the +parish in debt." + +"How much?" I repeated, and she flushed to the roots of her hair. + +"Over--a hundred! Nearer--_two_, I'm afraid, Evelyn!" + +It was more than I had expected. I had to make fresh calculations, and +revise several plans. Subconsciously, I had known that the trouble was +monetary, and had made a special study of my pass book before leaving +the flat. + +"I can let you have a hundred at once, and settle the rest of the bills +for you next month, if that will do." + +She looked at me with tear-filled eyes. + +"Do you think I deserve it?" + +"I'm not sure that you do, but Mr Merrivale _does_! He shan't have any +new worry just now, if I can prevent it. You are sure you have told me +everything, Delphine? That is _all_!" + +"I'll show you the bills. I knew you would help. You were the only +person I could bear to ask; but you did not wait to be asked. I do love +you, Evelyn, and I shall never forget! You understand, don't you, that +it is only a loan? I shall pay you back!" + +"I know you will, when you can. It's a comfort that you need not hurry. +I can wait for years." + +"You will have to, I'm afraid. Three years! I hadn't a penny of my own +when I married, but an old aunt left us all two hundred and fifty +pounds, to be paid when we were twenty-five. That's my fortune! Jacky +teases me about it, for I was always planning what I will do when it +comes. I had decided to buy a tiny two-seater, and learn to drive. I +told him that it would be useful in the parish, but really I was +thinking of the fun for myself. Are you shocked?" + +"Not a bit!" + +"Well, it would be a waste of energy if you were, for I shall never have +it now. The money will go to repay you--and to pay interest on the +loan. I shall pay five per cent." + +"I only get four." + +"I insist upon five! I should like to feel that you had made a good +investment." She waved her hand with a lordly air which made me laugh. +And she laughed, too, with obvious enjoyment. "Oh, my dear, what a +relief! I shall sleep happily to-night for the first time for weeks. I +can never tell you how wretched I've felt; so worried, and guilty, and +trapped! Honestly it will be a lesson for life. You have helped me for +the moment, but my worst punishment is to come. When he is well again, +quite strong and fit, I must tell Jacky!" Her face clouded. "He won't +say much, but his face! It will be an awful ordeal, but I suppose it +will be good for me!" + +I thought--but did not say--that it would be good for him too. The +shock might teach him to be more understanding in his treatment of his +girl wife. + +Soon after that I suggested paying a flying call on the General, and +Delphine assented eagerly, no doubt feeling, as I did myself, that it +would be a relief to be spared a further _tete-a-tete_. The dear old +man was delighted to see me, and was eager to hear when Charmion and I +were coming back to "Pastimes". Something in his manner, in the way his +old eyes searched my face, made me suspect that he knows. + +I travelled to town alone, and arrived at the flat feeling tired and +dispirited. Bridget wanted to know if I had seen anything of her man. +She also seemed a trifle out of temper. + +"Some people," she said darkly, "don't know when they are well off!" + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY THREE. + +A BRUTE--AND A REVELATION. + +Christmas has come and gone. The little girls left us a fortnight +before, and the flat felt very quiet without them, but I busied myself +arranging for the fray. The tree was a huge success; so was the dinner +next day. Nevertheless, I shed tears on my pillow when I went to bed, +for if a solitary woman is ever justified in feeling "lone and lorn," it +is certainly at the season when everybody who possesses a family rushes +to it as a matter of course. + +It was very gratifying to have made other people happy, but I had a +hungry longing to be made happy myself. By an unfortunate coincidence, +neither Kathie's greeting, nor Charmion's, nor Delphine's, arrived until +the twenty-seventh, and Aunt Eliza's turkey never arrived at all, having +presumably lost its label, and been eaten by the postman as treasure +trove. The one and only parcel from a distance came from--Mr +Maplestone! He had called the week before, and asked permission to send +evergreens from the "Hall". He said it was so difficult to get holly +with berries on it in town, and all children loved red berries. +Presumably his trees grew crackers as well as berries, for about a dozen +boxes of the most gorgeous varieties were enclosed in the crate. There +was no letter, but just a card with "For the children," written in a +corner. + +On Boxing Day I made Winifred and Marion write letters of thanks--a +weary process from which they emerged splattered with tears and ink. + +"Why are you laughing, Miss Harding?" they inquired resentfully. I did +not tell them that I was chuckling at my own cleverness in avoiding a +personal acknowledgment. I did not know that the Squire had ever seen +my writing, but he might have done. No risks should be run. + +Delphine and her husband are settled at Davos, and he is beginning to +improve. She writes sweet little letters, and I'm sure this illness has +arrived at a providential moment. The shock of realising that her +Jacky's life was in danger was like a lightning flash lighting up a dark +landscape. In its blaze she saw revealed the true value of things, and +the sloping path on which her feet were set. I don't expect her to grow +up all at once, settle down to all work and no play, and behave as +though she were forty instead of twenty-two; I don't expect the Vicar to +give up being absent-minded and exacting; but I do honestly believe that +it will do him good to have his shock, and that he is just enough to +realise his own share of the blame. Then they will kiss and begin +again, and things will go better, because there will be understanding to +leaven love. + +Talking of understandings, there was a marvellous calm in the flat +overhead for some nights in early January, and Bridget informed me that +Mr Nineteen had been taken to a nursing home to have an operation. +Since our tragic encounter, Mrs Nineteen (her real name is Travers) and +I have exchanged furtive bows when we have met in the hall. I always +felt guilty, and anxious to "make it up," and had an instinct that she +felt the same, though neither had the courage to speak; but, of course, +after the operation I had to stop and inquire. She flushed, and said, +"Pretty well, thank you. The doctors are satisfied, but it will be a +long cure." A week later I met her coming in with a book under her arm. +She had been "reading aloud. Her husband felt the time so long. For +an active man, it was a great trial to lie in bed." To judge by her +face, it was an exhausting experience to his wife to sit by his side. I +said impetuously: "If Mr Travers would allow me, I should be so glad to +read aloud to him sometimes, when you are not able to go. I am fond of +reading aloud; I believe I do it pretty well." + +"I don't," she said dejectedly. "It makes me yawn. John says I +mumble." She looked at me sharply, distrustfully. "You are very kind, +but--it's too much! Why should you--" + +"I'd like to, if you will let me. I--I was rude to you--that day! I've +been remorseful ever since. If you'd allow me to do this, I should feel +that I was forgiven." + +"You spoke the truth," she said shortly. "And I brought it on myself. +I had no business to complain about those poor children, knowing why +they were here; but there are some moods in which one is bound to have a +vent. You hurt my pride, of course, but--it's not the first time!" She +bit her lip, turned aside for a moment, then added quickly, "I didn't +tell John!" + +"Thank you. I'm glad of that. He'll be more willing to let me come. +Please tell him that I'm so sorry to have disturbed him, and want to +`make up' by helping him while he is ill. My time is my own. I can go +any day--at any time--to read any book." + +She made no promise, and for several days seemed to avoid meeting me +face to face, then one morning she came to the door and asked to see me. +Some business had arisen which necessitated a day out of town. Her +husband dreaded being left alone. Did I really mean my kind offer, and +if so would to-morrow afternoon-- + +I went. He is a dark, sharp-featured man, with thick eyebrows and a +chronic scowl. He also looks shockingly ill, and is growing a beard. +The combination is enough to strike terror into the feminine soul. The +very maid who opened the door looked pityingly at me when I pronounced +his name; as for his nurse, she fairly bounced with relief when I was +announced. Her expression said as plainly as words, "I've had my turn-- +now you can have yours!" + +"Harding?" he said graciously. "Oh, yes! You are the woman who bangs +the doors." He let me read for two hours on end, and then said, "Stupid +book. I can't think how they ever get published!" but when I left, he +asked, "When will you come again?" which was as far in the way of thanks +as it is possible for him to get. + +For the next three weeks I went constantly to the Home, and never once +did that man say a gracious word. If I arrived late, he growled and +said, "Thought you were never coming! Hardly worth beginning at all." +If I was early, his greeting was, "I was just having a nap! Haven't +closed my eyes since two this morning, and now you have roused me up!" +If I read a book, he preferred a newspaper. If I read a newspaper, it +crackled, and worried his head. If I made a remark, he disagreed; if I +was silent, "Was there _no_ news?--_nothing_ going on to tell a poor +wretch tied to his bed?" If I said he looked better, he would have me +to know that nurses and doctors alike were deluding him with lies. He +knew for a fact that he was dying fast. If I said he looked tired, he +felt better than he had done all the week. It was impossible to please +him--impossible to win a smile or a gracious word. Never have I met a +human being so twisted and warped in mind. To go into his room is like +entering a black tunnel--one leaves it with the feeling of breaking +bonds. The matron of the Home is a brisk, capable woman, with a face +full of kindly strength; we generally met and exchanged a few words on +stairs or landing, and it was easy to see that her patience was wearing +thin. There came a day when she met me with a red face, beckoned me +into her private room, and poured forth a stream of angry confidences. + +"I really must speak to some one about Mr Travers. His poor wife has +enough to bear. I can't trouble her. The man is insufferable; he +upsets the whole house. His nurse has just been to me in tears. +Nothing will please him. He rings his bell all day, and half the night, +and for nothing--literally nothing! Just an excuse to give trouble. We +have honestly done our best--more than our best. With such a patient it +is easier to give in than to protest, but I'm beginning to think we've +been wrong. He is not getting on as quickly as he should. I believe +his temper is keeping him back." + +"I'm sure of it! You are an expert at healing, and I'm a beginner, but +I'm a great believer in the power of the mind. He is poisoning +himself." + +"He is poisoning every one else! I can't submit to have my whole house +upset. If he were fit to be moved, he should be out of it to-day. It's +all I can do to be civil, and not blaze out, and tell him what I think!" + +"I shouldn't try!" + +"What?" She looked at me sharply. "Ah! You agree? You feel the same? +You think I dare?" + +"I do. I go a step further, and say it's your duty. He is a bully, and +probably no one has ever dared to show him how he appears to other +people, but for the time being you are in command; while he is here, he +is supposed to obey. Give it to him hot and strong! Tell him that he +is injuring himself, and is a misery to every one else--that you are +only keeping him, because it would do him harm to be removed." + +"It's true!" she cried. "It's every word true. The man is a miasma." +She stared at me in sudden amaze. "Why do you laugh?" + +"Oh, I was just thinking! Thinking of a man whom I used to denounce as +bad-tempered! A dear, kind, thoughtful, unselfish Englishman with a--a +bluster! I can never call it temper again, after knowing Mr Travers! +He has taught me a lesson." + +She laughed, too, and shrugged her shoulders. + +"Oh, that! I like a man with a will of his own, and the pluck to speak +out. A `bluster,' as you call it, clears the air, and is quite a +healthful influence; but this other!--Well, Miss Harding, you have given +the casting vote. When are you coming again?" + +"Thursday afternoon, I think. Mrs Travers is busy then. Has to go out +of town." + +"That's all right! Then I'll have it out with him before lunch, and +leave you to calm him down in the afternoon." + +"Oh--_mean_!" I cried, but she only laughed, opened the door, and +hustled me into the hall. Evidently her mind was made up. + +When Thursday afternoon arrived, it found Miss Harding entering the +ogre's bedroom with a smile tightly glued on her lips, and a heart +beating uncomfortably fast beneath her ugly flannel blouse. From the +bed a pair of gimlet-like eyes surveyed her sharply, pale lips twisted, +and showed a snarl of teeth. He volunteered no remark, however, and I +wasted not a second in opening my book, and beginning to read as a +refuge against conversation. I could feel the scrutiny of his eyes on +my face, but I read on steadily, never looking up for nearly an hour, +when the story came to an end. + +"Have you had enough reading for to-day, or would you care to hear one +of the articles in this review?" + +He glared at me, and said coldly:-- + +"So you are in the conspiracy, too! Women are all alike! Sitting here, +all smiles and flummery to my face, and then going away to abuse me +behind my back!" + +"That's not true!" + +I cried hotly. "At least, it's a very unfair representation. There was +no necessity for me to come here at all. I have done it because you +were a neighbour, and ill, and I wanted to help you--and even more to +help your wife. As for `smiles and flummery,' as you express it, there +has been no chance of anything so friendly. You have allowed no +chance!" + +"You don't deny, I suppose, that you joined with matron in abusing me as +a monster of wickedness?" + +"I said you had the worst temper I had ever met. So you have. I said I +believed that you poisoned yourself, as well as every one near you. So +I do. All the more credit to me for giving you so much of my time." + +He lay silent, staring into my face. It was plain that the man had +received a shock. For once in his life he had been shown a picture of +himself as others saw him, and in the seeing _something_ had been hurt-- +conscience, vanity, _amour-propre_--it was impossible to say which, and +now his brain was at work, trying to assimilate the new thought. All +the time I had been reading, he had been pondering and raging. Probably +he had not heard a single word. + +"You women," he began again. "You women! Talk of ministering angels-- +all very fine for a few days, while the novelty lasts--after that a poor +beggar can suffer tortures, and get nothing but revilings for bad +temper. Would you be an angel of meekness if you had to go through what +I am bearing now?" + +"I should probably be exceedingly difficult and fretful. At times! +There would be other times--especially when I was getting better--when I +should feel overflowing with gratitude, and should say so, to the people +who had been patient with me through the bad times!" + +"Words! Words!" he snarled scornfully. "Men judge by deeds. If you +want my character, you can hear it from the men with whom I have had to +do. I am a Churchman. I go to church every Sunday of my life. I was +once Vicar's churchwarden for three years." + +Poor Vicar! What those three years must have been! I have known whole +parishes "set by the ears" by just one warped, self-opinionated man, who +put his own pet theories before anything else, and went about sowing +dissension--splitting up a hitherto united people into two opposing +camps. I said, with an air of polite inquiry:-- + +"And--did you part good friends?" + +He did not answer, but the expression on his face was eloquent enough. +I _knew_, without being told. Suddenly he broke out at a fresh tangent. + +"I suppose my wife--" + +I held up my hand authoritatively. + +"No, please! Don't blame your wife. She has never _mentioned_ you, +except to pity and sympathise. Her one thought has been for you--how to +help, how to please. Of course, Mr Travers, the people here and myself +have only known you lately, and this illness must have been coming on +for some time. Probably it has--well, it has made you bad-tempered, +hasn't it? But your wife knew you before, when you were loving and +gentle, so her judgment must be more true." + +With my usual "softness" I was beginning to pity the poor wretch, and to +try to let him down gently; but once again his face was eloquent. At +the words "loving and gentle," an involuntary grimace twisted the grim +features. Memory refused to reproduce the picture. He said abruptly:-- + +"My wife is a good woman. That virago of a matron told me this morning +that if she'd been in her place, she'd have run away years ago. Well, +Mary has stuck to me. She doesn't want to go! It's not always the +softest-spoken men who make the best husbands. That Hallett fellow, +whom Thorold is so thick with--he belongs to my club; I knew something +about him when I lived in America long ago. How do you suppose _he_ +treated his wife?" + +"His wife? He hasn't got a wife!" + +"Oh, hasn't he? Not now, perhaps. But he had! A little of him went a +long way. She ran away from him on her honeymoon. What do you think of +that? What kind of a man can he have been to make a woman leave him in +a month?" + +Something happened inside my head. There was a shock, a whirl, a +blinding darkness, followed by a flash of light. Mr Travers had said +"America," and the word had a terrible significance. I sat stunned into +silence, and Mr Travers obviously gloated over my discomfiture. + +"Pretty condemning, eh? She was an heiress--pots of money. +Fine-looking girl, too. I saw her once. Too pale and washed out for my +taste, but with an air. Forget her name--something high-flown and +romantic, like herself. Well, she left him, and that was the end of it. +Never heard a word of her since." + +Romantic name--an heiress--fine-looking--pale. One by one the clues +accumulated--step by step the evidence mounted up. I said faintly:-- + +"Has he tried?" + +"Tried to find her? Searched the world! Almost went off his head, I +believe. He'd made a mess of it, of course, but he was crazy about +her--broken his heart ever since. You can see it in his face. My wife +has no patience with her. She'd married for better or worse. Whatever +happened, she was a poor thing to throw up the sponge in a month. +What's the matter? You look faint." + +"I--I am! I must go. Some other day," I gasped vaguely. I went out +into the passage, and sat down on an oak chest. The world seemed +rocking around me. I was so stunned that I could _not feel_! + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR. + +IT'S A QUEER WORLD. + +Edward Hallett and--Charmion! Charmion and--Edward Hallett! The +combination of those two names struck me dumb. Oh, it was madness--the +most inconceivable, the most preposterous madness. And yet, and yet-- +the more I thought, the more the links seemed to "fit in". He was of +the right age, the right nationality: the few words of description which +had fallen from her lips applied accurately to his appearance. + +I went home, and sat in stunned silence, staring into space. I went to +bed and lay awake for hours, still pondering, still puzzling. I rose in +the morning, and wandered about the flat like a lost dog, unable to +work, unable to rest, unable to eat. By evening I was in such a state +of nerves that it seemed impossible to endure the suspense a moment +longer. The prospect of another wakeful night gave the final touch to +my impatience. I scribbled a note to Mr Thorold, begging him to come +down at once, and sent the orphan upstairs to deliver it. + +He came at once; quite anxious and perturbed. Was I ill? Had I had bad +news? Was there anything he could do? I motioned him to a chair, and +began vaguely:-- + +"Not bad news--at least--a shock! I've had a shock! It has distressed +me terribly! I couldn't sleep. It was Mr Travers. I was reading to +him again yesterday, and he said something about Mr Hallett. It +appears that he knew him years ago." + +Mr Thorold's face hardened. I had seen him in almost every phase of +sadness and anxiety, but never with that flash in the eye, that +sternness of the lips. His voice was cold and sharp. + +"Travers? Indeed! And what had Travers to say? Nothing good, if I +know the man." + +"He--he spoke of Mr Hallett's wife--" + +"And you were not aware that he had a wife? It is an old story, Miss +Harding; an old sore. Is it necessary to tell one's whole life history +to--er--an--" + +"An acquaintance? No, no--of course not. Don't think me presumptuous +and inquisitive. I should never have mentioned it, if I had not a +reason--a good reason. Have I ever seemed to pry into your affairs?" + +He softened at that. + +"Never! Never! You have been all that is tactful--all that is kind. I +do trust you, Miss Harding, but this affair of Hallett's gets me on the +raw. He has suffered tortures. I have seen his suffering, and I can't +help feeling bitter against that woman. She--left him! That's what you +heard, I suppose?" + +"Yes. And so soon! It was a tragedy indeed. Mr Thorold, will you +answer just one question? It can do no harm; it can give away no +secrets. What was her Christian name?" + +He looked at me keenly for a moment, and then said quietly:-- + +"Charmion." + +I lay back in my chair, and shut my eyes. Never in my life have I +fainted, but I think I must have come very near it then. Everything +turned black; for a moment my very heart seemed to stop. Mr Thorold's +voice sounded far away, as he cried anxiously:-- + +"You are ill--faint! I'll open the window--give you more air." Then +with an eagerness which could not be suppressed, "You know her? +Hallett's wife? Is it possible? You have met her; or--have you only +heard--" + +His anxiety made his voice shake. He was as much overcome as I was +myself. + +"For six years," he added tragically--"six years he has searched the +world--." + +"I--I know a Charmion. She left her husband. It may be a coincidence, +but it seems strange. She had good cause--" + +"Oh, I don't deny it. Enough to alienate any woman. I don't wonder at +her going--at first--but, it was cruel to give him no chance to +explain." + +"It was about money. He pretended to love her for herself, to know +nothing about her fortune, and afterwards--a letter came. That is my +Charmion's story. Is it his?" + +"Yes! yes! this is a wonderful thing! That the discovery should have +come through you, and that you should have appealed to me of all +people--the only man on this side who can tell you the truth! Is it +coincidence, Miss Harding?" + +I clasped my hands to still their trembling. + +"Better than coincidence! It is Providence. We have prayed for them, +you and I, for the friends we love most, and now--now it seems as if +through us--Oh, Mr Thorold, explain! Explain! You believe in him +still, yet you confess that he was wrong. What `explanation' can he +give!" + +"I love Hallett," he said solemnly, "like a brother--more than a +brother! I believe him to be, at this moment, the best man I know. We +were at school together. He was the only son of a wealthy man. Until +he was twenty-one he was brought up in an atmosphere of such luxury as +we in England can hardly imagine. Americans are fond of going `one +better' than the rest of the world. In some cases the extravagance of +their moneyed classes amounts to profligacy. Hallett's father was a +notorious example for many years, then--just as Edward came of age, +there was a colossal smash; he lost everything, practically fretted +himself to death, left the lad to fight his own way. + +"To expect the boy to understand economy after such an upbringing was +preposterous. He literally did not understand the value of money. He +got into debt, more and more deeply into debt, as the years went on. I +am not defending him as blameless; of course, he should have pulled up, +faced the worst, and started afresh; but I do say that it was a hard +test, and that he had many excuses." + +I nodded. Ideas of economy, like most other ideas, are comparative. I +have never known fabulous riches, but I should manage badly as a poor +woman. Up to this point I could sympathise with Edward Hallett. Mr +Thorold continued eagerly:-- + +"Well! just when matters were at their worst, a casual acquaintance +happened to speak of a young English heiress, and it occurred to Edward +for the first time that marriage might cut the knot. He arranged to +meet the girl--it was a deliberate plan. Ah! I see you have heard her +story; but what she evidently _did_ not, would not, understand, was, +that when they did meet, he fell in love with her for herself! She was +his mate, his ideal, the one woman in the world who had power to awake +his best self; to make him selfless, and in earnest about life. He was +overcome with shame at the remembrance of his own scheming. At one time +he believed it to be his duty to punish himself by leaving her without +saying a word, but his passion was too strong, and circumstances hurried +on the marriage. Her aunt died--" + +"Yes. She told me. Oh, but _why_ did he pretend? _Why_ didn't he tell +her that he knew about the money?" + +His face fretted into lines. He looked terribly distressed. + +"Ah! that hits me hard. He wrote to me, Miss Harding--we had kept up a +correspondence at intervals since our school days--and he had an +exaggerated faith in my advice. His conscience was torturing him. He +put the whole case to me. Should he tell her--should he confess? He +hated the idea of marrying under false pretences. On the other hand he +hated, as any lover would hate, to lower her opinion, perhaps to plant +the seeds of future suspicions. Her silence as to her own wealth seemed +to show that she had dreaded a mercenary love, that it was sweet to her +to feel that he was in ignorance. He guessed that she was storing up +the news as a sweet secret to be revealed to her husband. Well, as I +say, he put the whole case before me, and I--I advised him to keep +silent. He had wronged her in intent, but not in deed, for no man could +love more deeply, more disinterestedly than he then loved her. Every +word proved that. It was a wonderful letter, written straight from the +heart--" + +I interrupted in breathless haste:-- + +"Have you got it? Did you keep it? Can you find it now?" + +To my unspeakable relief he nodded his head. + +"I can. It's not often that I keep letters, but this was an exception. +I was naturally anxious about giving the right advice. I put the letter +in my pocket-book, to read and re-read. Then, just the day before the +wedding, I caught a chill, was in bed for a month with pleurisy. The +first news I heard on getting up was--that she had gone! At once I +thought of the letter, and was thankful I had kept it; I locked it away +in my safe. I felt that some day, when she was found--Later on I wrote +to her lawyers, and tried to bully them into giving me her address. I +meant to send it to her myself, and force her to believe. But they +swore that they knew no more than I did myself. Liars!" + +"No! It was true. She was ill for months; in bed! absolutely cut +off--" + +"Ah, well!" He shrugged helplessly. "We were all at cross purposes, it +seems. I believed that they were lying, and would continue to lie. I +never tried them again. But the letter is there in my safe, and it is +his best witness, Miss Harding. Where is she? How do you come to know +her?" + +"She's in Italy. She's coming home. To me. She's my friend. We--we +live together. Not here, but in the country. We share a house--" + +He stared. I realised how incongruous the arrangement must appear. I +realised something else, too, and that was that the time had come when +to this man, at least, Miss Harding must show herself in her true +colours. Charmion must hurry home. I must wire to demand her presence. +Happiness was waiting for her, and not one day, one hour, should the +darling wait in ignorance. The dreary little flat was about to become +the scene of blissful reconciliation; of a new radiance of life and +hope. It was not conceivable that I could mar the sacredness of such a +time by masquerading in an assumed character. As Mr Thorold was bound +to know, it would simplify arrangements if he knew at once! + +I jumped up; tingling with excitement, almost too impatient to speak. + +"Mr Thorold--this is a most adventurous afternoon! I have something to +tell you about myself. It will explain how it comes about that Charmion +and I--Wait for me here for a quarter of an hour. I'll come back,--but +there is something I must do first. You'll understand when I come back. +Please wait!" + +I hurried out, rang for Bridget, ordered her to get rid of the orphan, +and come back to help. The wardrobe was pulled from beneath the bed, +off came spectacles and wig, my face was washed free from the +disfiguring marks, my hair was coiled, a dainty blue gown slipped over +my head. The quarter of an hour grew into a half, the sound of pacing +footsteps sounded through the wall. I laughed, slipped my feet into +satin slippers, and threw open the drawing-room door. + +He had his back towards me at that moment; he wheeled round, started, +stared, made a curious jerking bow. His face showed no sign of +recognition, only surprise and a veiled impatience. + +"Mr Thorold, I believe?" I said smiling. + +His forehead knitted into lines; he stared more closely. + +"Billy's father, I believe?" I said, smiling more broadly. "The man +who ate up my sandwiches!" + +"Oh! you--you--you minx!" he gasped loudly. + +Oh! it was gloriously amusing! Edward Hallett and Charmion were nowhere +for the moment; he could do nothing but gasp and stare, walk round me, +examine me from one point of view and then another, gasp and exclaim +again. + +"You--; _you_ are Miss Harding! Miss Harding was you! Am I dreaming, +or is this real life? How did you do it? _Why_ did you do it? But +your mouth is a different shape! This beats anything I ever knew! You +used to look round-shouldered. Why? Why? _Why_? How could you be so +mad?" + +Then I made him sit down, and told him the whole story from the +beginning; and, like every one else, he disapproved violently at first, +and then, by slow degrees, came round to my own point of view. Like +Bridget, he wanted to know why I couldn't play fairy godmother to the +"Mansions" with my own face; but when I asked him if I could have done +so much for _him_, he acknowledged hastily that I could not. His +expression, half horrified, half shy, spoke more eloquently than his +words. + +"No! you see it would not have worked. Old Miss Harding had a pull over +Evelyn Wastneys. My name is Evelyn Wastneys, by the way, but that is a +secret between us for the moment. And I am Charmion Fane's friend, just +as you are Edward Hallett's, and the good, good God is going to give us +the joy of seeing them happy together again. Mr Thorold! they have +both been to blame, they have both had a share in spoiling their own +lives--we won't give them another chance! You and I, as staid, +level-headed outsiders, are going to stage-manage their reconciliation." + +"How are we going to manage it?" + +"Listen!" I said. "Listen!" + +It's a queer world. It's a very queer world! People have said so +before, but I wish to say it again, to shout it aloud at the pitch of my +voice. + +Hardly had I changed back into Miss Harding, and finished my evening +meal, when a knock came to the door, and there entered Mrs Travers. +Furious! She had returned from her day in the country; had seen her +husband that afternoon; had heard from his lips what I had dared to +think and to _say_! If she had been defending a homing dove, she could +not have been more outraged, more aflame. She wished me to understand, +once and for all, that for the future _no_ communication, no +acquaintance of any kind was possible between us. She would pass me by +in the street without a glance. + +Oh, very well! + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE. + +TWO GLORIFIED BEINGS. + +I wired to Charmion, "Return at once. Urgently needed," and her reply +came back with all possible speed, "Meet me Euston--Thursday". I knew +she would come! She would imagine that the need was mine, and, bless +her! would speed night and day to my aid. And what would she find? My +reeling brain refused to realise the dramatic scenes which lay ahead! + +After much cogitation I determined to close the flat, and take a small +suite of rooms at an hotel for the next week. Under the circumstances, +it would be a relief to be among strangers, and away from interested +neighbours who might take it into their heads to pay a call at the most +crucial moment, to say nothing of the orphan and her friends in +adjoining flats, who would be exercised about the strange doings in the +basement flat! + +So it was as Evelyn Wastneys that I sallied to Euston on that eventful +Thursday, and a somewhat tired and sleepy Charmion was obviously a +trifle disappointed to find that she was not to be taken "home." + +"I have had such a dose of hotels!" + +"Darling, you talked of my `dreary little flat!'" + +"And you wrote back that it was a bower! It has suited you--it is easy +to see that, and your mad scheme has been a success. You were very +vague in your reports; gave me no particulars." + +"You didn't want letters. For a long time you didn't write at all." + +"Oh, well! Now we can talk. You must tell me all your adventures. You +look well--very well! What's the trouble, Evelyn?" + +"I never said it was trouble." + +She looked at me sharply, fearfully. Instead of being reassured, my +answer seemed to have excited her fears. + +"Not trouble! Then--Evelyn! what is it? Tell me quickly. Don't +quibble! Are you in love--engaged?" + +"Don't be absurd. I've been Miss Harding, remember! Wait till you see +me! I had lessons in making up, and I really look the part. In love, +indeed!" + +But I knew that my colour was mounting, I could feel the burn of it in +my cheeks. Charmion's lips twitched, and her dear eyes grew misty and +sad. + +"It's hateful of me, but--I don't want to lose you! I'd be a lonely +soul!" + +I put my hand over hers, but said nothing. Her words had saddened me, +for they accurately described my own feelings. + +"You are well--there is no trouble--you are not in love. Then what was +the urgent need?" + +"Are you sorry to be here?" + +"Yes! if you are going to prevaricate and hedge. I've thrown every plan +to the winds to come tearing back. The least you can do--" + +"I know!--I know! And I _will_--after dinner. Give me till eight +o'clock, to enjoy you, and to calm my nerves. It's good news, but--it +upsets our plans. I needed you here to talk over and to arrange. Can't +you leave business, and just be `homey' with me for an hour or two, +after all this time?" + +She laughed. How good it was to hear that soft, low laugh, and to feast +my eyes on her exquisite self! Even after a two days' journey Charmion +looked elegant. I believe she would look well groomed on a desert +island. Some women seem born with this gift. It wasn't given to me. I +can be untidy on the slightest provocation! + +"Indeed I can. There's any amount of chit-chat to get through, apart +from serious problems. You have done me out of my Paris shopping, +Evelyn, but I've a box full of trophies for you all the same. Wherever +I went, I picked up some token to prove that I remembered you all the +time." + +"Oh! cheers! cheers!" I cried fervently. "That's a good hearing! It +_is_ more blessed to give than to receive, but now and then, as a +variety, it is refreshing to have an innings one's self!" + +She laughed at that, gripped my arm, and said:--"Oh, Evelyn, you are a +dear! It's good to be with you. It's good to be back." And we chatted +in great contentment for the rest of the drive. + +There were several hours to spare before dinner. I made Charmion take a +bath, and then go really and truly to bed, until seven o'clock, when I +woke her and issued orders for her prettiest, most becoming frock, grey, +of course, a mist of silver and cloudy gauze. When she came into the +little sitting-room she looked fresh and radiant--younger than I had +ever beheld her. Looking at her, I was suddenly reminded of a line in +one of dear Robert Louis Stevenson's beautiful prayers--"Cleanse from +our hearts the lurking grudge!" How can any immortal being, made in +God's own image, expect to be happy and healthful while he or she is +cherishing bitter grudging feelings against a fellow-man? Charmion's +battle had been a long, up-hill fight, but it was won at last. The sign +of victory was in her face. Now for the victor's crown! + +Dinner was cleared away. The waiter placed coffee on a small table and +disappeared. Charmion piled up the cushions at one end of the sofa, +nestled against them, and said smilingly:-- + +"_Now_! I've been very patient, but not another moment can I wait. +There's an air of mystery about you, Evelyn, a muffled excitement which +intrigues me vastly. Oh! you've tried very hard! you kept up the +chatter, but it's been hard work. Your thoughts have strayed; half the +time you have not heard my replies. Your eyes are dark and big-- +dilated, like an excited child's! If you had not denied it so stoutly, +I should feel convinced that there was a man--" + +"My dear, this concerns you, not me. Charmion, can't you guess? It is +wonderful, wonderful news. Can't you imagine whom it is about? You +told me your story, but not his name--your name! When I heard it, it +conveyed nothing to me. When I met him--" + +She held out her hands, as if to ward off a blow. After all my fencing, +the great news had come blurting out, without preface or preparation. +White as a sheet, she stared at me with anguished eyes. + +"Met! You? Edward? You have met, and--spoken?" + +"I know him well. He is a close friend, almost a brother of the man +whose child was ill, and whom I helped to nurse--another tenant in the +flats. I think I mentioned him--a darling child. We thought he would +die. We grew intimate, comforting one another, waiting day after day--" + +"You mentioned me? He recognised the name?" + +"No! I was Miss Harding. Evelyn and her life were things apart. I +have never spoken of them to my neighbours. It was pure chance--pure +Providence!" + +"But he knows? You have told him. He knows I am here?" + +"Not yet. You had to know first, and to hear--to _read_ his defence; +but he is to know to-night. His friend will tell him. It will break +your heart, Charmion, for you have done him a wrong, and have wasted all +these years; but it will fill you with joy as well, for at last you can +believe--you _must_ believe in his loyalty. It is there for you to see, +in a letter to his friend, received just before you were married. Mr +Thorold has kept it--he gave it to me, so that you might see it with +your own eyes." + +But still she sat motionless, half paralysed, it would appear, by the +suddenness, the unexpectedness of the revelation, making no effort to +take the letters which I held out. I put them into her hand, speaking +in slow, gentle tones:-- + +"Read, darling--read! There are two letters, for Mr Thorold has +drafted out the substance of his own reply. He feels that much of the +responsibility lies on his shoulder. It is such a joy to him--such a +joy!--to feel that he has this chance to `make good'. It's not a dream, +darling--it's true! The long, long nightmare is over; read your letters +and--wake up!" + +I pressed the envelope into her slack hands, kissed her cold cheek, and +hurried from the room. She must be alone when she read those healing +words; even the dearest friend would be an intruder at that moment! + +My own heart was beating at express speed as I descended the stairs, and +walked along the corridors which led to the drawing-room. I did not +hurry, but rather intentionally lingered by the way. The great mirrors +on the walls reflected a bright-eyed, eager girl, whom even at this +engrossed moment it was a pleasure to recognise as myself. I am so +tired of the reflection of old Miss Harding! + +In a far corner of the room the two men were waiting. Mr Thorold came +quickly forward. I nodded, and he took his friend by the arm, and led +him towards the door. Edward Hallett's face was fixed--tense with +emotion. He glanced neither to right nor to left--was oblivious of the +outer world. Mr Thorold was to lead him to the room where Charmion +sat, close the door, and leave them face to face. Hardly would she have +finished reading the letters than her husband would stand before her. +Oh, what a meeting--what a meeting! What a rolling away of the stone! +Thank God for giving me my share in bringing it about! + +Wenham Thorold came back, and sat by my side. We were both shaking with +excitement, but we talked resolutely to pass the time. I asked him if +Mr Hallett had been told of my dual personality, and he smiled, and +said:-- + +"Oh, yes, he was interested--as much interested as he could be in +anything outside! But not surprised! He and I were constantly puzzled +by your extraordinary youth! The get-up was excellent, but your manner, +your movements--they did not belong to an elderly woman. Circumstances +favoured you, of course! You were naturally quiet and reserved on our +first meeting, and then Billy's illness cast a gloom over us all. Every +one seems older in a period of anxiety; but as soon as the cloud lifted +your vitality asserted itself." He looked at me anxiously. "This--this +reunion will make a difference to your life? It will take away your +friend." + +"Yes, it will. My friends all go," I said a little bitterly. "I am +trying not to think of myself, but only to rejoice for her; but it is +hard!" + +"That house in the country! You shared it together? Couldn't you make +it your home instead of the flat? It would be more--suitable. This +fairy godmother scheme is possible for a few months, with a home in the +background, to which you can return at any moment, but now that you will +be alone, you are too young. It does not seem right. Couldn't you"--he +looked at me apologetically--"carry on the same work in the country in +your own name? Make the house a country resort for lame dogs who need a +rest, for example? There would be plenty of applicants." + +"It's impossible! I can't explain. I can never return to `Pastimes' +alone." I spoke shortly. The subject was difficult. So far, I had not +thrashed it out even in thought. Mr Thorold shot a quick, keen glance. +Instinctively, I knew where his thoughts were wandering. He was +thinking of the bluff country Squire who had been so kind to his own +little girls, remembering that he came from the same neighbourhood; that +Evelyn Wastneys and he had been friends. + +The stupid colour flamed in my cheeks. I made haste to turn the +conversation from myself. + +"It will make a difference to you, too. You will miss your friend!" + +"Yes, but--I have borne the great loss, Miss Wastneys; I can spare him +gladly, to _his joy_. When one has known the completeness of a real +marriage, and then been left alone, it would be impossible to grudge--My +friends urge me to marry again; my girl herself said she wished it. If +I had been less completely happy, I might have done it for the +children's sake. As it is, I can never put another in her place. But I +need a woman in my life. I feel that--but I want a mother, a sister, +not a wife. Can't you evolve a _real_ Miss Harding, who will look after +me and my poor bairns?" + +It was an hour later when the message came summoning us to return to the +sitting-room. The two were standing to receive us--glorified beings, +exalted above the earth. Oh, I can't write about it! We clung +together. They spoke glowing words of love and thanks and appreciation; +they looked past us into each other's eyes. It was wonderful, +wonderful; but, oh, it made me feel desperately, desperately lonely! + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY SIX. + +LOVE'S A NEW LIFE. + +Late that night, after the two men had left, Charmion and I sat together +over the bedroom fire, and talked and talked. Her lips were opened now, +and she could talk without the old restraint. It seemed a relief to her +to talk. I asked if "Edward" had ever discovered who was the sender of +the fatal letter. "No," she said, "not actually. He is practically +certain, but he did not trouble to bring it home. The mischief was +done. Anyone who had a heart must have been sufficiently punished by +the knowledge of the misery she had caused. He left her to that, but, +oh! Evelyn, what a conception of _love_! to try to poison a man's home +because he had chosen another woman as his wife! Not that I am much +better! I have no right to speak." + +Her lips quivered. She confessed to me that, on reading the two +letters, she had been overcome with sorrow and remorse, but that Edward +had refused to listen to her laments. They had both been wrong; each +had an equal need of forgiveness, the suffering in either case had been +intense--not another moment must be wasted! Away with bitterness, away +with remorse, the future lay ahead, it should not be wasted in vain +regrets. Then, blushing and aglow, she told me her plans. "To-morrow-- +to-day," she raised her eyes to the clock, and glowed anew, "we are +going by train to a sunny bay in Cornwall, to spend a second honeymoon. +Edward's writing engagement could be fulfilled better in the country +than in town. He had lingered in London for Thorold's sake, not his +own. One month, two months to themselves, they must have, and then"-- +she straightened herself as in eager anticipation--"America! I must +take him back, Evelyn! Back to his old home, and his old friends--to +let them all see! Oh! all my life must be spent in making good the +shame I have brought upon him, the misery and blame!" + +I laid a restraining touch on her arm. + +"Remember you are not to grieve! You have promised. That is forbidden +ground!" + +"Yes--yes, I know, but my heart, Evelyn! My heart will always +remember." She turned to me tenderly. "Darling girl! we talked about +you--it is through you that this happiness has come. We cannot be +parted. When we are settled in our new home we want you to come over, +to pay us a long, long visit. You could see your sister, too. You +would enjoy that?" + +I felt a momentary rising of bitterness, a momentary impulse to say +caustically that it would indeed be soothing for a lonely woman to visit +two devoted married couples, but there was a wistful tone in her voice +which showed that she understood. I made a big effort to laugh +naturally, and made a vague promise. This was Charmion's night. I +should be a poor thing if I damped her joy! + +"And about `Pastimes,'" she said slowly. "The agreement stands, of +course. I pay half expenses for the next three years. Live in it, lend +it, rent it as you think best. I should love best to think of you +living there, until you come to us. You could find some friend--" + +"Oh, yes! I have made enough friends at the `Mansions' to keep me +supplied with visitors for months to come. _If_ I go back. But I'm not +sure. This has come upon me with a rush, Charmion. I shall have to sit +down, and think quietly. I shall see you again before you sail?" + +"Of course." She looked at me with reproach. "You are the dearest +person in the world to me, Evelyn--except _one_. Do you suppose I could +leave England without seeing you again? We'll arrange a meeting +somewhere, and have a week together. You and I, and Mr Thorold, and +Edward." She turned a sudden scrutinising glance upon me. "Evelyn, I +have a haunting conviction that you are changed; that some man has come +into your life. You aren't by any possibility going to marry Wenham +Thorold?" + +"Indeed I am not. He hasn't the faintest desire to marry me, or I to +marry him. We are excellent friends, but nothing more. I honestly +believe he regrets Miss Harding. You are growing too personal, my dear. +I shall go to bed." + +She laughed, kissed me, but refused to move. + +"I'm not tired. I don't want to sleep. Sleep means forgetfulness," she +said. "It will rest me more to remember!" + +I left her leaning forward, with hands clasped round her knees, gazing +into the fire. + +Charmion left the next morning, and I prepared, with the strangest +reluctance, to turn back into Miss Harding, and return to the basement +flat. For the last week I had been living in an atmosphere of romance, +which had put me out of tune with ordinary life. Bridget showed her +usual understanding. "'Deed, I always _did_ say a wedding was the most +upsetting thing in life!" she declared. "A funeral's not in it for +upsetting your nerves, and setting you on to grizzle, the same as a +wedding. Not that Mrs Fane's--Hallett, I suppose--was a wedding +exactly, but it sort of churned you up more than if it was. To see her +all a-smiling and a-flushing, and looking so young! Her as always held +herself so cold. And now to have to go back to live underground, with +you mumping about in a shawl!" + +"Cheer up, Bridget dear," I said soothingly. "It won't be for long. I +feel myself that I need a change. Perhaps we'll go to Ireland. The +Aunts are grumbling because I don't go. Just a few weeks more, while I +think things over and make my plans. Make the best of it, there's a +good soul!" + +She looked at me, more in sorrow than in anger. + +"I'll make the best of it, _with_ the best, when there's a call to do +it," she said firmly; "but you'll only be young once, my dear. You may +throw away things now as you'll pine to get back all the days of your +life. When you're thinking things over just remember that!" She +stumped from the room, leaving me to digest her words. + +The next week passed heavily. I saw little of Mr Thorold, and +suspected that the revelation of Evelyn would work against further +intimacy. It was impossible that he could feel the same freedom and +ease; impossible that he should commandeer my help as he had done in +days past. There was no blame attached to the position, it was natural +and inevitable; but the loss of the easy, pleasant intercourse left a +gap in my life. + +Mrs Manners had gone with her children to visit her mother; Mrs +Travers cut me in the hall. Poor Miss Harding was having a bad time! +Nobody needed her; her absence had passed unnoticed; her return awoke no +welcome. Bridget besought me to go out and amuse myself, but I +obstinately refused to go, and stayed glued in the flat. Not for worlds +would I have acknowledged it to a living creature, but--I was afraid +that while I was out some one might call. Ralph Maplestone had said +that business would bring him to town. Now that the Merrivales were in +Switzerland, and that anxiety was off his hands, he could come when he +liked. If he did not come it must be because he did _not_ like! + +The reflection did not help to raise my spirits, nor to pass the +long-houred days; but it did give me an insight into my own heart. For +the first time I was honest with myself, and acknowledged that I +_wanted_ him to come! I faced the possibility that I might wait in +vain, and felt suddenly faint and weak. It had come to this, that I +_needed_ his strength, that I felt it impossible to face life without +him by my side. I determined, if he _did_ come, to show signs of +weakness in my resolution; possibly to go so far as to arrange a meeting +with my niece. + +He came one afternoon when I was darning stockings by the dining-room +table, and the disobedient orphan showed him straight in on the domestic +scene. I hurriedly hitched round my chair and drew the casement +curtains, making an excuse of "too much sun," then folded the shawl +round my shoulders, and sat at attention. He said he was pleased to see +me. Was I quite well? The weather was very bright. Good news from +Switzerland, wasn't it? General Underwood was suffering from gout. +What were Miss Wastneys' plans for the summer? + +"She--she doesn't know herself!" I sighed vaguely. "Circumstances +have--er--altered. Her friend Mrs Fane"--(I realised that Escott would +have to hear some explanation of Charmion's departure, but was loth to +set tongues wagging)--"has decided to return to America. She has spent +most of her life there, and has many ties." + +He looked supremely uninterested. Mrs Fane might go to Kamtschatka for +all he cared! + +"And will Miss Wastneys keep on the house alone?" + +"Nothing is yet decided; but I think--not!" + +He looked unperturbed. Showed none of the agitation I had hoped to see. + +"Does she intend to join Mrs Fane in America?" + +Now I felt hurt! Obviously, oh, quite obviously, he did not like me so +much as he did! It was nothing to him where I lived--nothing to him +where I went! A terrible feeling of loneliness overwhelmed me. Nobody +cared! I pressed my lips together to prevent their trembling; behind my +spectacles I blinked smarting eyes. A big brown hand stretched out and +was laid over mine; a big soft voice asked tenderly:-- + +"_Evelyn! How long is this tomfoolery to go on_?" + +We were standing facing one another across the table. I had darted +behind its shelter in that first moment of shock and dismay. His face +was lit with a mischievous smile; his hands were thrust into his trouser +pockets; his eyes surveyed me with a horrible, twinkling triumph. + +"Oh! Oh! Oh! You know!" + +"Of course I know!" + +"You have known all the time? From the very beginning?" + +"Not just at first! I'll give you credit for taking me in for a short +time--a very short time! Then you gave yourself away." + +"How? How?" + +"When you do a thing at all, you ought to do it thoroughly. Your +disguise was incomplete." + +"Incomplete? But I had lessons. I paid to be taught." + +"Then your instructor, whoever he may be, omitted one important item. +The moment I noticed it, the whole thing became plain. I knew I was +talking to Evelyn Wastneys, and not to her aunt." + +I remembered the sudden flashes of complacency which had mystified me so +completely. This was the explanation! I was devoured with curiosity. + +"What was it? You must tell me!" + +"Your hands!" He smiled, showing his strong, white teeth. "Your pretty +hands, with the dimples, and the pink nails, and--the sapphire ring!" + +"Ah!" I looked down at the big square stone in its setting of diamonds, +and felt inclined to stamp with rage at my own forgetfulness. It was my +mother's engagement ring, and for years I had worn it every day. To my +new friends, of course, it had no associations; but for this man who had +noticed it on Evelyn's finger, who had gazed with a lover's admiration +at Evelyn's hand, the clue was unmistakable! So far as Ralph Maplestone +was concerned, all my care, all my pains, had been rendered useless by +that one stupid little omission! + +I stood dumb and discomfited, and the Chippendale mirror on the opposite +wall reflected a round-shouldered figure, a spectacled, disfigured face. +I felt a sudden, overwhelming impatience with my disguise. + +"For pity's sake, Evelyn, run away and turn into yourself!" came the +command from the big voice. (It is extraordinary how he follows my +thoughts!) "I can't make love to you in those things." + +"I don't want you to make love to me!" I said--and lied! + +"But I do, you see, and it's my turn! I've waited long enough." + +He crossed the room, opened the door, and stood with the knob in his +hand, waiting for me to pass through. I stiffened my back and stood +still. I told myself that to give in--_after that_--meant that I +agreed--practically gave my consent. I would _not_ do it! I would +_not_! I would stand all day rather than move an inch. Nothing should +induce me. He rattled the knob, and stared steadily in my face. I +turned and--_went_! + +"Evelyn Wastneys, will you take this man to be your wedded husband?" + +I had come back again--in my blue dress!--and he met me on the +threshold, where I verily believe he had been standing waiting, all the +time I changed. He took both my hands in his, and asked the question so +deeply and seriously that it brought the tears to my eyes. + +"I think I--will!" I said shakily. "But you must not be too sudden +with me, please, because I was so certain that I never would. You must +give me time to get used to the idea." + +"You can really love me? You can really manage to care?" + +"I can! The difficulty lately has been--the other way! When you didn't +come I was afraid. I had a horrible conviction that you'd changed your +mind." + +He laughed, and drew me closer, wrapping me close in his strong arms. I +lay still, and felt as if all my burdens were rolling away, and a big +strong barrier hedged me in and protected me from the buffets and +responsibilities of life. It was a blissful feeling--full of joy, full +of rest. Now it seemed worth while having been a lonely woman. No +sheltered, home-living girl could possibly have rejoiced as I rejoiced. + +"You are mine! I'll take care of you. No more rushing about, and +living in disguise." + +"I don't want to ramble. Never did! I want a home, and my own man. Do +you remember when you said you would give me my own way--in reason?" + +"And you objected that I would wish to come first? I do." + +"Bless your lonely heart! So do I. I'm afraid I shall spoil you, +Ralph!" + +"Oh, do!" he cried, and there was a hunger in his voice that sank deep +in my heart. He needed me! How good it was to know that, to realise +that in all the teeming millions in the world no woman could be to him +that I was! + +Later on--after a blissful interlude--I began to ask questions:-- + +"What will your mother say? Will she be surprised?" + +"She'll be delighted, for my sake, and her own! At the bottom of her +heart she has always longed to be with her girl. And she's prepared. +She recognised the signs." + +"As Charmion did in me. Why? Do we show it in our faces?" + +"Of course we do. Why not? Love's a new sense, a new life. If one has +any expression at all it _must_ show. I've gone about feeling as if I +were labelled `Evelyn Wastneys. By express route,' for a year past! +Now I've got you! You're coming back to take care of me at the `Hall'!" + +I rather liked the idea of myself as mistress of that old house! With +my head on his shoulder I devoted several moments to the consideration +of how I should arrange the drawing-room. It was amazing that I could +not conjure up one pang of regret for dear "Pastimes!" + +"There's a lot to be done first," I told him. "Two homes to break up. +I shall have to find new tenants." + +"What about General Underwood for `Pastimes'?" he asked. + +I raised my head and looked at him. He was manfully trying to smile. + +"Wretch!" I exclaimed. "So you've got your way after all!" + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Lady of the Basement Flat, by +Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LADY OF THE BASEMENT FLAT *** + +***** This file should be named 23124.txt or 23124.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/1/2/23124/ + +Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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