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diff --git a/old/22711-h.htm.2021-01-25 b/old/22711-h.htm.2021-01-25 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a316cfd --- /dev/null +++ b/old/22711-h.htm.2021-01-25 @@ -0,0 +1,1653 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + A Love Story Reversed, by Edward Bellamy + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Love Story Reversed, by Edward Bellamy + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Love Story Reversed + 1898 + +Author: Edward Bellamy + +Release Date: September 21, 2007 [EBook #22711] +Last Updated: March 8, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A LOVE STORY REVERSED *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h1> + A LOVE STORY REVERSED + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Edward Bellamy <br /> <br /> 1898 + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <table summary=""> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> II </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + I + </h2> + <p> + The golden hands of the parlor clock point glimmeringly to an hour after + midnight, and the house is still. The gas is turned almost out, but the + flickering of the dying sea-coal fire in the grate fitfully illumines the + forms and faces of two young women, who are seated before it, talking + earnestly in low tones. It is apparent from their costumes that they have + been spending the evening out. + </p> + <p> + The fair girl in the low chair, gazing pensively into the fire, is Maud + Elliott, the daughter of the house. Not generally called handsome, her + features are good and well balanced, and her face is altogether a sweet + and wholesome one. She is rather tall, and the most critical admit that + she has a fine figure. Her eyes are blue, and their clear, candid + expression indicates an unusually sincere and simple character. But, + unfortunately, it is only her friends who are fully conversant with the + expression of her eyes, for she is very shy. Shyness in little people is + frequently piquant, but its effect in girls of the Juno style is too often + that of awkwardness. Her friends call Maud Elliott stately; those who do + not like her call her stiff; while indifferent persons speak of her as + rather too reserved and dignified in manner to be pleasing. In fact, her + excess of dignity is merely the cloak of her shyness, and nobody knows + better than she that there is too much of it. Those who know her at all + well know that she is not dull, but with mere acquaintances she often + passes for that. Only her intimate friends are aware what wit and + intelligence, what warmth and strength of feeling, her coldness when in + company conceals. + </p> + <p> + No one better understands this, because no one knows her better or has + known her longer, than her present companion before the fire, Lucy + Mer-ritt. They were roommates and bosom friends at boarding-school; and + Lucy, who recently has been married, is now on her first visit to her + friend since that event. She is seated on a hassock, with her hands + clasped over her knees, looking up at Maud,—an attitude well suited + to her <i>petite</i> figure. She is going home on the morrow, or rather on + the day already begun; and this fact, together with the absorbing nature + of the present conversation, accounts for the lateness of the session. + </p> + <p> + “And so, Maud,” she is saying, while she regards her friend with an + expression at once sympathetic and amused,—“and so that is what has + been making your letters so dismal lately. I fancied that nothing less + could suggest such melancholy views of life. The truth is, I came on this + visit as much as anything to find out about him. He is a good-looking + fellow, certainly; and, from what little chance I had to form an opinion + to-night, seems sensible enough to make it quite incredible that he should + not be in love with such a girl in a thousand as you. Are you quite sure + he is n't?” + </p> + <p> + “You had a chance to judge to-night,” replied Maud, with a hard little + laugh. “You overheard our conversation. 'Good-evening, Miss Elliott; jolly + party, is n't it?' That was all he had to say to me, and quite as much as + usual. Of course we are old acquaintances, and he 's always pleasant and + civil: he couldn't be anything else; but he wastes mighty little time on + me. I don't blame him for preferring other girls' society. He would show + very little taste if he did not enjoy Ella Perry's company better than + that of a tongue-tied thing like me. She is a thousand times prettier and + wittier and more graceful than I am.” + </p> + <p> + “Nonsense,” exclaimed Lucy. “She is a flirt and a conceited little minx. + She is not to be mentioned the same day with you; and he would think so, + if he could only get to know you. But how in the world is he ever going + to? Why, you seem to be shyer than ever, poor dear. You were actually + distant, almost chilling, in your manner towards him to-night, although I + know you didn't mean to be.” + </p> + <p> + “I know it. Don't I know it!” groaned Maud. “I always am shyer and stiffer + with him than with any one else. O Lucy! you can't guess what a dreadful + thing it is to be shy. It is as if you were surrounded by a fog, which + benumbs you, and chills all who approach you. I dare say he thinks that I + actually dislike him. I could not blame him if he did. And I can't help + it. I could never make him understand anything else, unless I told him in + so many words.” + </p> + <p> + The tears filled her eyes as she spoke, and hung heavy on the lashes. Lucy + took one of her hands in both of hers, and pressed and stroked it + caressingly. + </p> + <p> + “I know you could n't, poor dear, I know you could n't,” she said; “and + you cannot tell him in so many words because, forsooth, you are a woman. I + often think, Maud, what a heap of trouble would be saved if women, when + they cannot make themselves understood in other ways, were allowed to + speak out as men do, without fear or reproach. Some day they will, when + the world gets wiser,—at least I think so. Why should a woman have + to hide her love, as if it were a disgraceful secret? Why is it any more a + disgrace to her than to a man?” + </p> + <p> + “I can't quite see what good it would do me,” said Maud, “even if women + could 'speak out,' as you say. If a man did n't care for one already, I + can't see how it would make him know that one cared for him. I should + think she would prefer to keep her secret.” + </p> + <p> + “That is n't what men do,” replied Lucy. “If they have such a secret, they + tell it right away, and that is why they succeed. The way half the women + are induced to fall in love is by being told the men are in love with + them; you know that.” + </p> + <p> + “But men are different,” suggested Maud. + </p> + <p> + “Not a bit of it: they 're more so, if anything,” was the oracular + response of the young wife. “Possibly there are men,” she continued,— + “the story-tellers say so, anyhow,—who are attracted by repulsion + and warmed by coldness, who like resistance for the pleasure of overcoming + it. There must be a spice of the tyrant in such men. I wouldn't want to + marry one of them. Fortunately, they're not common. I've noticed that + love, like lightning, generally takes the path of least resistance with + men as well as women. Just suppose now, in your case, that Mr. Burton had + followed us home, and had overheard this conversation from behind that + door.” + </p> + <p> + “No, no,” she added laughing, as Maud looked around apprehensively; “he is + n't there. But if he had been there and had overheard you own that you + were pining for him, what a lucky chance it would have been! If he, or any + other man, once knew that a magnificent girl like you had done him the + honor to fall in love with him, half the battle would be won, or I 'm no + judge of men. But such lucky eavesdropping only happens in stories and + plays; and for lack of it this youth is in a fair way to marry a chit of a + girl who does not think half so much of him as you do, and of whom he will + never think a quarter what he would of you. He is not, probably, entirely + stupid either. All he wants, very likely, is just a hint as to where his + true happiness lies: but, being a woman, you can't give it in words; and, + being Maud Elliott, you can't give it in any other way, if you died for + it. Really, Maud, the canon which makes it a woman's duty to be purely + passive in love is exasperating, especially as it does not represent what + anybody really believes, but only what they pretend to believe. Everybody + knows that unrequited love comes as often to women as to men. Why, then, + should n't they have an equal chance to seek requital? Why have not they + the same right to look out for the happiness of their lives by all + honorable means that men have? Surely it is far more to them to marry the + men they love than to a man to marry any particular woman. It seems to me + that making suitable matches is not such an easy matter that society can + afford to leave the chief part of it to the stupider sex, giving women + merely the right of veto. To be sure, even now women who are artful enough + manage to evade the prohibition laid on their lips and make their + preference known. I am proud to say that I have a royal husband, who would + never have looked my way if I had not set out to make him do so; and if I + do say it, who should n't, I flatter myself he has a better wife than he + could have picked out without my help. There are plenty of women who can + say the same thing; but, unluckily, it is the best sort of women, girls + like you,—simple, sincere, noble, without arts of any sort,—who + can't do this. On them the etiquette that forbids women to reveal their + hearts except by subterfuge operates as a total disability. They can only + sit with folded hands, looking on, pretending not to mind, while their + husbands are run away with by others.” + </p> + <p> + Maud took up the poker and carefully arranged the coals under the grate in + a heap. Then she said: “Suppose a girl did what you 've been speaking of. + I mean, suppose she really said such a thing to a man,—said that she + cared for him, or anything like that,—what do you suppose he would + think of her? Don't you fancy she would be in danger of making him think + very cheaply of her?” + </p> + <p> + “If she thought he were that kind of a man,” replied Lucy, “I can't + understand her ever falling in love with him. Of course, I 'm not saying + that he would necessarily respond by falling in love with her. She would + have to take her chance of that; but I 'm sure, if he were a gentleman, + she need have no fear of his thinking unworthily of her. If I had spoken + to Dick in that way, even if he had never wanted to marry me, I know he + would have had a soft spot for me in his heart all the rest of his life, + out of which even his wife would not have quite crowded me. Why, how do we + think of men whom we have refused? Do we despise them? Do we ridicule + them? Some girls may, but they are not ladies. A low fellow might laugh at + a woman who revealed a fondness for him which he did not return; but a + gentleman, never. Her secret would be safe with him.” + </p> + <p> + “Girls!” It was the voice of Mrs. Elliott speaking from the upper hall. + “Do you know how late it is? It is after one o'clock.” + </p> + <p> + “I suppose we might as well go to bed,” said Lucy. “There's no use sitting + up to wait for women to get their rights. They won't get them to-night, I + dare say; though, mark my word, some day they will.” + </p> + <p> + “This affair of yours may come out all right yet,” she said hopefully, as + they went upstairs together. “If it does not, you can console yourself + with thinking that people in general, and especially girls, never know + what is good for them till afterward. Do you remember that summer I was at + the beach, what a ninny I made of myself over that little Mr. Parker? How + providential it was for me that he did not reciprocate. It gives me the + cold shivers when I think what might have become of me if he' had + proposed.” + </p> + <p> + At the door of her room Lucy said again: “Remember, you are to come to me + in New York for a long visit soon. Perhaps you will find there are other + people in the world then.” + </p> + <p> + Maud smiled absently, and kissed her good-night. She seemed preoccupied, + and did not appear to have closely followed what her lively friend was + saying. + </p> + <p> + The following afternoon, as she was walking home after seeing Lucy on the + cars, she met a gentleman who lifted his hat to her. It was Arthur Burton. + His office was on the one main street of the small New England city which + is the scene of these events, and when out walking or shopping Maud often + met him. There was therefore nothing at all extraordinary in the fact of + their meeting. What was extraordinary was its discomposing effect upon her + on this particular afternoon. She had been absorbed a moment before in a + particularly brown study, taking no more notice of surrounding objects and + persons than was necessary to avoid accidents. On seeing him she started + perceptibly, and forthwith became a striking study in red. She continued + to blush so intensely after he had passed that, catching sight of her + crimson cheeks in a shop window, she turned down a side street and took a + quieter way home. + </p> + <p> + There was nothing particularly remarkable about Arthur Burton. Fortunately + there does not need to be anything remarkable about young men to induce + very charming girls to fall in love with them. He was just a good-looking + fellow, with agreeable manners and average opinions. He was regarded as a + very promising young man, and was quite a favorite among the young ladies. + If he noticed Maud's confusion on meeting him, he certainly did not think + of associating it in any way with himself. For although they had been + acquaintances these many years, and belonged to the same social set, he + had never entertained the first sentimental fancy concerning her. So far + as she had impressed him at all, it was as a thoroughly nice girl, of a + good family, not bad-looking, but rather dull in society, and with very + little facility in conversation; at least he had always found it hard to + talk with her. + </p> + <p> + Ten days or a fortnight after Lucy Merritt's departure there was a little + party at Ella Perry's, and both Arthur Burton and Maud were present. It + was the custom of the place for the young men to escort the girls home + after evening entertainments, and when the couples were rightly assorted, + the walk home was often the most agreeable part of the evening. Although + they were not engaged, Arthur imagined that he was in love with Ella + Perry, and she had grown into the habit of looking upon him as her + particular knight. Towards the end of the evening he jestingly asked her + whom he should go home with, since he could not that evening be her + escort. + </p> + <p> + “Maud Elliott,” promptly suggested Ella, selecting the girl of those + present in her opinion least likely to prove a diverting companion. So it + chanced that Arthur offered his company to Maud. + </p> + <p> + It struck him, as she came downstairs with her wraps on, that she was + looking remarkably pale. She had worn a becoming color during the evening, + but she seemed to have lost it in the dressing-room. As they walked away + from the house Arthur began, to the best of his ability, to make himself + agreeable, but with very poor success. Not only was Maud, as usual, a + feeble contributor of original matter, but her random answers showed that + she paid little attention to what he was saying. He was mentally + registering a vow never again to permit himself to be committed to a + tête-à-tête with her, when she abruptly broke the silence which had + succeeded his conversational efforts. Her voice was curiously unsteady, + and she seemed at first to have some difficulty in articulating, and had + to go back and repeat her first words. What she said was:— + </p> + <p> + “It was very good in you to come home with me to-night. It is a great + pleasure to me.” + </p> + <p> + “You 're ironical this evening, Miss Elliott,” he replied, laughing, and + the least bit nettled. + </p> + <p> + It was bore enough doing the polite to a girl who had nothing on her mind + without being gibed by her to boot. + </p> + <p> + “I 'm not ironical,” she answered. “I should make poor work at irony. I + meant just what I said.” + </p> + <p> + “The goodness was on your part in letting me come,” he said, mollified by + the unmistakable sincerity of her tone, but somewhat embarrassed withal at + the decidedly flat line of remark she had chosen. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no,” she replied; “the goodness was not on my side. I was only too + glad of your company, and might as well own it. Indeed, I will confess to + telling a fib to one young man who offered to see me home, merely because + I hoped the idea of doing so would occur to you.” + </p> + <p> + This plump admission of partiality for his society fairly staggered + Arthur. Again he thought, “She must be quizzing me;” and, to make sure, + stole a sidelong glance at her. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead, and + the pallor and the tense expression of her face indicated that she was + laboring under strong excitement. She certainly did not look like one in a + quizzing mood. + </p> + <p> + “I am very much flattered,” he managed to say. + </p> + <p> + “I don't know whether you feel so or not,” she replied. “I'm afraid you + don't feel flattered at all, but I—I wanted to—tell you.” + </p> + <p> + The pathetic tremor of her voice lent even greater significance to her + words than in themselves they would have conveyed. + </p> + <p> + She was making a dead set at him. There was not a shadow of doubt any + longer about that. As the full realization of his condition flashed upon + him, entirely alone with her and a long walk before them, the strength + suddenly oozed out of his legs, he felt distinctly cold about the spine, + and the perspiration started out on his forehead. His tongue clung to the + roof of his mouth, and he could only abjectly wonder what was coming next. + It appeared that nothing more was coming. A dead silence lasted for + several blocks. Every block seemed to Arthur a mile long, as if he were + walking in a hasheesh dream. He felt that she was expecting him to say + something, to make some sort of response to her advances; but what + response, in Heaven's name, could he make! He really could not make love. + He had none to make; and had never dreamed of making any to Maud Elliott, + of all girls. Yet the idea of letting her suppose him such an oaf as not + to understand her, or not to appreciate the honor a lady's preference did + him, was intolerable. He could not leave it so. + </p> + <p> + Finally, with a vague idea of a compromise between the impossible + alternative of making love to her, which he could n't, and seeming an + insensible boor, which he wouldn't, he laid his disengaged hand upon hers + as it rested on his arm. It was his intention to apply to it a gentle + pressure, which, while committing him to nothing, might tend to calm her + feelings and by its vaguely reassuring influence help to stave off a + crisis for the remainder of their walk. He did not, however, succeed in + carrying out the scheme; for at the moment of contact her hand eluded his, + as quicksilver glides from the grasp. There was no hint of coquettish + hesitation in its withdrawal. She snatched it away as if his touch had + burned her; and although she did not at the same time wholly relinquish + his arm, that was doubtless to avoid making the situation, on the street + as they were, too awkward. + </p> + <p> + A moment before only concerned to evade her apparent advances, Arthur + found himself in the position of one under rebuke for offering an + unwarranted familiarity to a lady. There was no question that he had + utterly misconstrued her previous conduct. It was very strange that he + could have been such a fool; but he was quite too dazed to disentangle the + evidence just then, and there was no doubt about the fact. + </p> + <p> + “Pardon me,” he stammered, too much overcome with confusion and chagrin to + be able to judge whether it would have been better to be silent. + </p> + <p> + The quickness with which the reply came showed that she had been on the + point of speaking herself. + </p> + <p> + “You need not ask my pardon,” she said. Her tones quivered with excitement + and her utterance was low and swift. “I don't blame you in the least, + after the way I have talked to you to-night. But I did not mean that you + should think lightly of me. I have said nothing right, nothing that I + meant to. What I wanted to have you understand was that I care for you + very much.” Her voice broke here, but she caught her breath and went right + on. “I wanted you to know it somehow, and since I could not make you know + it by ways clever girls might, I thought I would tell you plainly. It + really amounts to the same thing; don't you think so? and I know you 'll + keep my secret. You need n't say anything. I know you 've nothing to say + and may never have. That makes no difference. You owe me nothing merely + because I care for you. Don't pity me. I'm not so much ashamed as you 'd + suppose. It all seems so natural when it's once said. You need n't be + afraid of me. I shall never say this again or trouble you at all. Only be + a little good to me; that's all.” + </p> + <p> + She delivered this little speech almost in one breath, with headlong, + explosive utterance, as if it were something she had to go through with, + cost what it might, and only wanted somehow to get out the words, + regardless, for the time, of their manner or effect. She ended with an + hysterical sob, and Arthur felt her hand tremble on his arm as she + struggled with an emotion that threatened to overcome her. But it was over + almost instantly; and without giving him a chance to speak, she exclaimed, + with an entire alteration of tone and manner:— + </p> + <p> + “Did you see that article in the 'Gazette' this morning about the craze + for collecting pottery which has broken out in the big cities? Do you + suppose it will reach here? What do you think of it?” + </p> + <p> + Now it was perfectly true, as she had told him, that Arthur had nothing + whatever to say in response to the declaration she had made; but all the + same it is possible, if she had not just so abruptly diverted the + conversation, that he would then and there have placed himself and all his + worldly goods at her disposal. He would have done this, although five + minutes before he had had no more notion of marrying her than the Emperor + of China's daughter, merely because every manly instinct cried out against + permitting a nice girl to protest her partiality for him without meeting + her half-way. Afterward, when he realized how near he had come to going + over the verge of matrimony, it was with such reminiscent terror as chills + the blood of the awakened sleep-walker looking up at the dizzy ridge-pole + he has trodden with but a hair's breadth between him and eternity. + </p> + <p> + During the remainder of the way to Maud's door the conversation upon + pottery, the weather, and miscellaneous topics was incessant,—almost + breathless, in fact. Arthur did not know what he was talking about, and + Maud probably no better what she was saying, but there was not a moment's + silence. A stranger meeting them would have thought, “What a remarkably + jolly couple!” + </p> + <p> + “I 'm much obliged for your escort,” said Maud, as she stood upon her + doorstep. + </p> + <p> + “Not at all. Great pleasure, I 'm sure.” + </p> + <p> + “Good-evening.” + </p> + <p> + “Good-evening.” And she disappeared within the door. + </p> + <p> + Arthur walked away with a slow, mechanical step. His fallen jaw, open + mouth, and generally idiotic expression of countenance would have + justified his detention by any policeman who might have met him, on + suspicion of being a feeble-minded person escaped from custody. Turning + the first corner, he kept on with the same dragging step till he came to a + vacant lot. Then, as if he were too feeble to get any farther, he stopped + and leaned his back against the fence. Bracing his legs before him so as + to serve as props, he thrust his hands deep in his pockets, and raising + his eyes appealingly to the stars, ejaculated, “Proposed to, by Jove!” A + period of profound introspection followed, and then he broke forth: “Well, + I 'll be hanged!” emphasizing each word with a slow nod. Then he began to + laugh,—not noisily; scarcely audibly, indeed; but with the deep, + unctuous chuckle of one who gloats over some exquisitely absurd situation, + some jest of many facets, each contributing its ray of humor. + </p> + <p> + Yet, if this young man had tremblingly confessed his love to a lady, he + would have expected her to take it seriously. + </p> + <p> + Nevertheless, let us not be too severe with him for laughing. It was what + the average young man probably would have done under similar + circumstances, and it was particularly stated at the outset that there was + nothing at all extraordinary about Arthur Burton. For the rest, it was not + a wholly bad symptom. Had he been a conceited fellow, he very likely would + not have laughed. He would have stroked his mustache and thought it quite + natural that a woman should fall in love with him, and even would have + felt a pity for the poor thing. It was, in fact, because he was not vain + that he found the idea so greatly amusing. + </p> + <p> + On parting with Arthur, Maud rushed upstairs and locked herself in her + room. She threw herself into the first chair she stumbled over in the + dimly lighted apartment, and sat there motionless, her eyes fixed on the + empty air with an expression of desperation, her hands clinched so tightly + that the nails bit the palms. She breathed only at considerable intervals, + with short, quick inhalations. + </p> + <p> + Yet the act which caused this extraordinary revulsion of feeling had not + been the result of any sudden impulse. It was the execution of a + deliberate resolve which had originated in her mind on the night of Lucy + Merritt's departure, as she sat with her before the fire, listening to her + fanciful talk about the advantages which might be expected to attend + franker relations in love affairs between men and women. Deeply in love, + and at the same time feeling that in the ordinary course of events she had + nothing but disappointment to look forward to, she was in a state of mind + just desperate enough to catch at the idea that if Arthur Burton knew of + her love, there would be some chance of his returning it. It seemed to her + that if he did not, she could be no worse off than she was already. She + had brooded over the subject day and night ever since, considering from + every point of view of abstract right or true feminine propriety the + question whether a woman might, without real prejudice to her maidenly + modesty, tell a man that she cared for him, without waiting for him to ask + her to marry him. Her conclusion had been that there was no reason, apart + from her own feelings, why any woman, who dared do it, should not; and if + she thought her life's happiness dependent on her doing it, that she would + be a weak creature who did not dare. + </p> + <p> + Her resolve once taken, she had only waited an opportunity to carry it + out; and that evening, when Arthur offered to walk home with her, she felt + that the opportunity had come. Little wonder that she came downstairs from + the dressing-room looking remarkably pale, and that after they had + started, and she was trying to screw up her courage to the speaking point, + her responses to his conversational efforts should have been at random. It + was terribly hard work, this screwing up her courage. All the fine + arguments which had convinced her that her intended course was justifiable + and right had utterly collapsed. She could not recall one of them. What + she had undertaken to do seemed shocking, hateful, immodest, scandalous, + impossible. But there was a bed-rock of determination to her character; + and a fixed, dogged resolve to do the thing she had once made up her mind + to, come what might, had not permitted her to draw back. Hardly knowing + what she was about, or the words she was saying, she had plunged blindly + ahead. Somehow she had got through with it, and now she seemed to herself + to be sitting amidst the ruins of her womanhood. + </p> + <p> + It was particularly remarked that Arthur Burton's laughter, as he leaned + against the fence a square away in convulsions of merriment, was + noiseless, but it was perfectly audible to Maud, as she sat in the + darkness of her chamber. Nay, more: although his thoughts were not uttered + at all, she overheard them, and among them some which the young man, to do + him justice, had the grace not to think. + </p> + <p> + The final touch to her humiliation was imparted by the reflection that she + had done the thing so stupidly,—so blunderingly. If she must needs + tell a man she loved him, could she not have told him in language which at + least would have been forcible and dignified? Instead of that, she had + begun with mawkish compliments, unable in her excitement to think of + anything else, and ended with an incoherent jumble that barely escaped + being hysterical He would think that she was as lacking in sense as in + womanly self-respect. At last she turned up the gas, for very shame + avoiding a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she did so, and bathed her + burning cheeks. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + II + </h2> + <p> + Meanwhile Arthur had reached home and was likewise sitting in his room, + thinking the matter over from his point of view, with the assistance of a + long-stemmed pipe. But instead of turning the gas down, as Maud had done, + he had turned it up, and, having lighted all the jets in the room, had + planted his chair directly in front of the big looking-glass, so that he + might enjoy the reflection of his own amusement and be doubly entertained. + </p> + <p> + By this time, however, amazement and amusement had passed their acute + stages. He was considering somewhat more seriously, but still with + frequent attacks of mirth, the practical aspects of the predicament in + which Maud's declaration had placed him; and the more he considered it, + the more awkward as well as absurd that predicament appeared. They had the + same acquaintances, went to the same parties, and were very likely to meet + whenever they went out of an evening. What if she should continue to + pursue him? If she did, he either would have to cut society, which had + promised to be unusually lively that winter, or provide himself with a + chaperon for protection. For the first time in his life he was in a + position to appreciate the courage of American girls, who, without a + tremor, venture themselves, year in and year out, in the company of + gentlemen from whom they are exposed at any time to proposals of a tender + nature. It was a pity if he could not be as brave as girls who are afraid + of a mouse. Doubtless it was all in getting used to it. + </p> + <p> + On reflection, he should not need a chaperon. Had she not assured him that + he need not be afraid of her, that she would never repeat what she had + said, nor trouble him again? How her arm trembled on his as she was saying + that, and how near she came to breaking down! And this was Maud Elliott, + the girl with whom he had never ventured to flirt with as with some of the + others, because she was so reserved and distant. The very last girl + anybody would expect such a thing from! If it had been embarrassing for + him to hear it, what must it have cost such a girl as Maud Elliott to say + it! How did she ever muster the courage? + </p> + <p> + He took the pipe from his mouth, and the expression of his eyes became + fixed, while his cheeks reddened slowly and deeply. In putting himself in + Maud's place, he was realizing for the first time how strong must have + been the feeling which had nerved her to such a step. His heart began to + beat rather thickly. There was something decidedly intoxicating in knowing + that one was regarded in such a way by a nice girl, even if it were + impossible, as it certainly was in this case, to reciprocate the feeling. + He continued to put himself mentally in Maud's place. No doubt she was + also at that moment sitting alone in her chamber, thinking the matter over + as he was. She was not laughing, however, that was pretty certain; and it + required no clairvoyant's gift for him to be sensible that her chief + concern must be as to what he might be at that moment thinking about her. + And how had he been thinking about her? + </p> + <p> + As this question came up to his mind, he saw himself for a moment through + Maud's eyes, sitting there smoking, chuckling, mowing like an idiot before + the glass because, forsooth, a girl had put herself at his mercy on the + mistaken supposition that he was a gentleman. As he saw his conduct in + this new light, he had such an access of self-contempt that, had it been + physically convenient, it would have been a relief to kick himself. What + touching faith she had shown in his ability to take a generous, + high-minded view of what she had done, and here he had been guffawing over + it like a corner loafer. He would not, for anything in the world, have her + know how he had behaved. And she should not. She should never know that he + was less a gentleman than she believed him. + </p> + <p> + She had told him, to be sure, that he owed her nothing because she loved + him; but it had just struck him that he owed her at least, on that + account, a more solicitous respect and consideration than any one else had + the right to expect from him. + </p> + <p> + There were no precedents to guide him, no rules of etiquette prescribing + the proper thing for a young man to do under such circumstances as these. + It was a new problem he had to work out, directed only by such generous + and manly instincts as he might have. Plainly the first thing, and in fact + the only thing that he could do for her, seeing that he really could not + return her affection, was to show her that she had not forfeited his + esteem. + </p> + <p> + At first he thought of writing her a note and assuring her, in a few + gracefully turned sentences, of his high respect in spite of what she had + done. But somehow the gracefully turned sentences did not occur to his + mind when he took up his pen, and it did occur to him that to write + persons that you still respect them is equivalent to intimating that their + conduct justly might have forfeited your respect. Nor would it be at all + easier to give such an assurance by word of mouth. In fact, quite the + reverse. The meaning to be conveyed was too delicate for words. Only the + unspoken language of his manner and bearing could express it without + offense. It might, however, be some time before chance brought them + together in society, even if she did not, for a while at least, purposely + avoid him. Meantime, uncertain how her extraordinary action had impressed + him, how was she likely to enjoy her thoughts? + </p> + <p> + In the generous spirit bred of his new contrition, it seemed to him a + brutal thing to leave her weeks or even days in such a condition of mind + as must be hers. Inaction on his part was all that was required to make + her position intolerable. Inaction was not therefore permissible to him. + It was a matter in which he must take the initiative, and there seemed to + be just one thing he could do which would at all answer the purpose. A + brief formal call, with the conversation strictly limited to the weather + and similarly safe subjects, would make it possible for them to meet + thereafter in society without too acute embarrassment. Had he the pluck + for this, the nerve to carry it through? That was the only question. There + was no doubt as to what he ought to do. It would be an awkward call, to + put it mildly. It would be skating on terribly thin ice —a little + thinner, perhaps, than a man ever skated on before. + </p> + <p> + If he could but hit on some pretext, it scarcely mattered how thin,— + for of course it would not be intended to deceive her,—the interview + possibly could be managed. As he reflected, his eyes fell on a large + volume, purchased in a fit of extravagance, which lay on his table. It was + a profusely illustrated work on pottery, intended for the victims of the + fashionable craze on that subject, which at the date of these events had + but recently reached the United States. His face lighted up with a sudden + inspiration, and taking a pen he wrote the following note to Maud, dating + it the next day:— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Miss Elliott: + + Our conversation last evening on the subject of old china + has suggested to me that you might be interested in looking + over the illustrations in the volume which I take the + liberty of sending with this. If you will be at home this + evening, I shall be pleased to call and learn your + impression. + + Arthur Burton. +</pre> + <p> + The next morning he sent this note and the book to Maud, and that evening + called upon her. To say that he did not twist his mustache rather + nervously as he stood upon the doorstep, waiting for the servant to answer + the bell, would be to give him credit for altogether more nerve than he + deserved. He was supported by the consciousness that he was doing + something rather heroic, but he very much wished it were done. As he was + shown into the parlor, Maud came forward to meet him. She wore a costume + which set off her fine figure to striking advantage, and he was surprised + to perceive that he had never before appreciated what a handsome girl she + was. It was strange that he should never have particularly observed before + what beautiful hands she had, and what a dazzling fairness of complexion + was the complement of her red-brown hair. Could it be this stately maiden + who had uttered those wild words the night before? Could those breathless + tones, that piteous shame-facedness, have been hers? Surely he must be the + victim of some strange self-delusion. Only the deep blush that mantled her + face as she spoke his name, the quickness with which, after one swift + glance, her eyes avoided his, and the tremor of her hand as he touched it, + fully assured him that he had not dreamed the whole thing. + </p> + <p> + A shaded lamp was on the centre-table, where also Arthur's book on pottery + lay open. After thanking him for sending it and expressing the pleasure + she had taken in looking it over, Maud plunged at once into a discussion + of Sèvres, and Cloisonné, and Palissy, and tiles, and all that sort of + thing, and Arthur bravely kept his end up. Any one who had looked casually + into the parlor would have thought that old crockery was the most + absorbing subject on earth to these young people, with such eagerness did + they compare opinions and debate doubtful points. At length, however, even + pottery gave out as a resource, especially as Arthur ceased, after a + while, to do his part, and silences began to ensue, during which Maud + rapidly turned the pages of the book or pretended to be deeply impressed + with the illustrations, while her cheeks grew hotter and hotter under + Arthur's gaze. He knew that he was a detestable coward thus to revel in + her confusion, when he ought to be trying to cover it, but it was such a + novel sensation to occupy this masterful attitude towards a young lady + that he yielded basely to the temptation. After all, it was but fair. Had + she not caused him a very embarrassing quarter of an hour the night + before? + </p> + <p> + “I suppose I shall see you at Miss Oswald's next Thursday,” he said, as he + rose to take his leave. + </p> + <p> + She replied that she hoped to be there. She accompanied him to the door of + the parlor. There was less light there than immediately about the table + where they had been sitting. “Good-evening,” he said. “Good-evening,” she + replied; and then, in a lowered voice, hardly above a whisper, she added, + “I appreciate all that was noble and generous in your coming to-night.” He + made no reply, but took her hand and, bending low, pressed his lips to it + as reverently as if she had been a queen. + </p> + <p> + Now Arthur's motive in making this call upon Maud, which has been + described, had been entirely unselfish. Furthest from his mind, of all + ideas, had been any notion of pursuing the conquest of her heart which he + had inadvertently made. Nevertheless, the effect of his call, and that, + too, even before it was made,—if this bull may be pardoned,— + had been to complete that conquest as no other device, however studied, + could have done. + </p> + <p> + The previous night Maud had been unable to sleep for shame. Her cheeks + scorched the pillows faster than her tears could cool them; and altogether + her estate was so wretched that Lucy Mer-ritt, could she have looked in + upon her, possibly might have been shaken in her opinion as to the + qualifications of women to play the part of men in love, even if permitted + by society. + </p> + <p> + It had been hard enough to nerve herself to the point of doing what she + had done in view of the embarrassments she had foreseen. An hour after she + uttered those fatal words, her whole thinking was summed up in the cry, + “If I only had not done it, then at least he would still respect me.” In + the morning she looked like one in a fever. Her eyes were red and swollen, + her face was pallid but for a hard red spot in each cheek, and her whole + appearance was expressive of bodily and mental prostration. She did not go + down to breakfast, pleading a very genuine headache, and Arthur's note and + the book on pottery were brought up to her. She guessed his motive in a + moment. Her need gave her the due to his meaning. + </p> + <p> + What was on Arthur's part merely a decent sort of thing to do, her + passionate gratitude instantly magnified into an act of chivalrous + generosity, proving him the noblest of men and the gentlest of gentlemen. + She exaggerated the abjectness of the position from which his action had + rescued her, in order to feel that she owed the more to his nobility. At + any time during the previous night she gladly would have given ten years + of her life to recall the confession that she had made to him; now she + told herself, with a burst of exultant tears, that she would not recall it + if she could. She had made no mistake. Her womanly dignity was safe in his + keeping. Whether he ever returned her love or not, she was not ashamed, + but was glad, and always should be glad, that he knew she loved him. + </p> + <p> + As for Arthur, the reverence with which he bent over her hand on leaving + her was as heartfelt as it was graceful. In her very disregard of + conventional decorum she had impressed him the more strikingly with the + native delicacy and refinement of her character. It had been reserved for + her to show him how genuine a thing is womanly modesty, and how far from + being dependent on those conventional affectations with which it is in the + vulgar mind so often identified, with the effect of seeming as artificial + as they. + </p> + <p> + When, a few evenings later, he went to Miss Oswald's party, the leading + idea in his mind was that he should meet Maud there. His eyes sought her + out the moment he entered the Oswald parlors, but it was some time before + he approached her. For years he had been constantly meeting her, but he + had never before taken special note of her appearance in company. He had a + curiosity about her now as lively as it was wholly new. He took a great + interest in observing how she walked and talked and laughed, how she sat + down and rose up and demeaned herself. It gave him an odd but marked + gratification to note how favorably she compared in style and appearance + with the girls present. Even while he was talking with Ella Perry, with + whom he believed himself in love, he was so busy making these observations + that Ella dismissed him with the sarcastic advice to follow his eyes, + which he presently proceeded to do. + </p> + <p> + Maud greeted him with a very fair degree of self-possession, though her + cheeks were delightfully rosy. At first it was evidently difficult for her + to talk, and her embarrassment betrayed uncertainty as to the stability of + the conventional footing which his call of the other evening had + established between them. Gradually, however, the easy, nonchalant tone + which he affected seemed to give her confidence, and she talked more + easily. Her color continued to be unusually though not unbecomingly high, + and it took a great deal of skirmishing for him to get a glance from her + eyes, but her embarrassment was no longer distressing. Arthur, indeed, was + scarcely in a mood to notice that she did not bear her full part in the + conversation. The fact of conversing on any terms with a young lady who + had confessed to him what Maud had was so piquant in itself that it would + have made talk in the deaf-and-dumb alphabet vivacious. All the while, as + they laughed and talked together quite as any other two young people might + do, those words of hers the other night: “I care for you very much,” “Be a + little good to me,” were ringing in his ears. The reflection that by + virtue of her confession of love she was his whenever he should wish to + claim her, even though he never should claim her, was constantly in his + mind, and gave him a sense of potential proprietorship which was decidedly + heady. + </p> + <p> + “Arthur Burton seems to be quite fascinated. I never supposed that he + fancied Maud Elliott before, did you?” said one of the young ladies, a + little maliciously, to Ella Perry. Ella tossed her head and replied that + really she had never troubled herself about Mr. Burton's fancies, which + was not true. The fact is, she was completely puzzled as well as vexed by + Arthur's attentions to Maud. There was not a girl in her set of whom she + would not sooner have thought as a rival. Arthur had never, to her + knowledge, talked for five minutes together with Maud before, and here he + was spending half the evening in an engrossing tête-à-tête with her, to + the neglect of his other acquaintances and of herself in particular. Maud + was looking very well, to be sure, but no better than often before, when + he had not glanced at her a second time. What might be the clue to this + mystery? She remembered, upon reflection, that he had escorted Maud home + from the party at her own house the week before, but that explained + nothing. Ella was aware of no weapon in the armory of her sex capable of + effecting the subjugation of a previously quite indifferent young man in + the course of a ten-minutes' walk. If, indeed, such weapons there had + been, Maud Elliott, the most reserved and diffident girl of her + acquaintance,—“stiff and pokerish,” Ella called her,—-was the + last person likely to employ them. It must be, Ella was forced to + conclude, that Arthur was trying to punish her for snubbing him by + devoting himself to Maud; and, having adopted this conclusion, the + misguided damsel proceeded to flirt vigorously with a young man whom she + detested. + </p> + <p> + In the latter part of the evening, when Arthur was looking again for Maud, + he learned that she had gone home, a servant having come to fetch her. The + result was that he went home alone, Ella Perry having informed him rather + crushingly that she had accorded the honor of escorting herself to + another. He was rather vexed at Ella's jilting him, though he admitted + that she might have fancied she had some excuse. + </p> + <p> + A few days later he called on her, expecting to patch up their little + misunderstanding, as on previous occasions. She was rather offish, but + really would have been glad to make up, had he shown the humility and + tractableness he usually manifested after their tiffs; but he was not in a + humble frame of mind, and, after a brief and unsatisfactory call, took his + leave. The poor girl was completely puzzled. What had come over Arthur? + She had snubbed him no more than usual that night, and generally he took + it very meekly. She would have opened her eyes very wide indeed if she had + guessed what there had been in his recent experience to spoil his appetite + for humble-pie. + </p> + <p> + It was not late when he left Ella, and as he passed Maud's house he could + not resist the temptation of going in. This time he did not pretend to + himself that he sought her from any but entirely selfish motives. He + wanted to remove the unpleasantly acid impression left by his call on Ella + by passing an hour with some one whom he knew would be glad to see him and + not be afraid to let him know it. In this aim he was quite successful. + Maud's face fairly glowed with glad surprise when he entered the room. + This was their second meeting since the evening Arthur had called to talk + pottery, and the tacit understanding that her tender avowal was to be + ignored between them had become so well established that they could + converse quite at their ease. But ignoring is not forgetting. On the other + hand, it implies a constant remembering; and the mutual consciousness + between these young people could scarcely fail to give a peculiar piquancy + to their intercourse. + </p> + <p> + That evening was the first of many which the young man passed in Maud's + parlor, and the beginning of an intimacy which caused no end of wonder + among their acquaintances. Had its real nature been suspected, that wonder + would have been vastly increased. For whereas they supposed it to be an + entirely ordinary love affair, except in the abruptness of its + development, it was, in fact, a quite extraordinary variation on the usual + social relations of young men and women. + </p> + <p> + Maud's society had in fact not been long in acquiring an attraction for + Arthur quite independent of the peculiar circumstances under which he had + first become interested in her. As soon as she began to feel at ease with + him, her shyness rapidly disappeared, and he was astonished to discover + that the stiff, silent girl whom he had thought rather dull possessed + cultore and originality such as few girls of his acquaintance could lay + claim to. His assurance beyond possibility of doubt that she was as really + glad to see him whenever he called as she said she was, and that though + his speech might be dull or his jests poor they were sure of a friendly + critic, made the air of her parlor wonderfully genial. The result was that + he fell into a habit whenever he wanted a little social relaxation, but + felt too tired, dispirited, or lazy for the effort of a call on any of the + other girls, of going to Maud. One evening he said to her just as he was + leaving, “If I come here too much, you must send me home.” + </p> + <p> + “I will when you do,” she replied, with a bright smile. + </p> + <p> + “But really,” he persisted, “I am afraid I bore you by coming so often.” + </p> + <p> + “You know better than that,” was her only reply, but the vivid blush which + accompanied the words was a sufficient enforcement of them; and he was, at + the bottom of his heart, very glad to think he did know better. + </p> + <p> + Without making any pretense of being in love with her, he had come to + depend on her being in love with him. It had grown so pleasing to count on + her loyalty to him that a change in her feelings would have been a + disagreeable surprise. Getting something for nothing is a mode of + acquisition particularly pleasing to mankind, and he was enjoying in some + respects the position of an engaged man without any of the + responsibilities. + </p> + <p> + But if in some respects he was in the position of an engaged man, in + others he was farther from it than the average unengaged man. For while + Maud and he talked of almost everything else under heaven, the subject of + love was tabooed between them. Once for all Maud had said her say on that + point, and Arthur could say nothing unless he said as much as she had + said. For the same reason, there was never any approach to flirting + between them. Any trifling of that sort would have been meaningless in an + intimacy begun, as theirs had been, at a point beyond where most + flirtations end. + </p> + <p> + Not only in this respect, but also in the singular frankness which marked + their interchange of thought and opinion, was there something in their + relation savoring of that of brother and sister. It was as if her + confession of love had swept away by one breath the whole lattice of + conventional affectations through which young men and women usually talk + with each other. Once for all she had dropped her guard with him, and he + could not do less with her. He found himself before long talking more + freely to her than to any others of his acquaintance, and about more + serious matters. They talked of their deepest beliefs and convictions, and + he told her things that he had never told any one before. Why should he + not tell her his secrets? Had she not told him hers? It was a pleasure to + reciprocate her confidence if he could not her love. He had not supposed + it to be possible for a man to become so closely acquainted with a young + lady not a relative. It came to the point finally that when they met in + company, the few words that he might chance to exchange with her were + pitched in a different key from that used with the others, such as one + drops into when greeting a relative or familiar friend met in a throng of + strangers. + </p> + <p> + Of course, all this had not come at once. It was in winter that the events + took place with which this narrative opened. Winter had meantime glided + into spring, and spring had become summer. In the early part of June a + report that Arthur Burton and Maud Elliott were engaged obtained + circulation, and, owing to the fact that he had so long been apparently + devoted to her, was generally believed. Whenever Maud went out she met + congratulations on every side, and had to reply a dozen times a day that + there was no truth in the story, and smilingly declare that she could not + imagine how it started. After doing which, she would go home and cry all + night, for Arthur was not only not engaged to her, but she had come to + know in her heart that he never would be. + </p> + <p> + At first, and indeed for a long time, she was so proud of the frank and + loyal friendship between them, such as she was sure had never before + existed between unplighted man and maid, that she would have been content + to wait half her lifetime for him to learn to love her, if only she were + sure that he would at last. But, after all, it was the hope of his love, + not his friendship, that had been the motive of her desperate venture. As + month after month passed, and he showed no symptoms of any feeling warmer + than esteem, but always in the midst of his cordiality was so careful lest + he should do or say anything to arouse unfounded expectations in her mind, + she lost heart and felt that what she had hoped was not to be. She said to + herself that the very fact that he was so much her friend should have + warned her that he would never be her lover, for it is not often that + lovers are made out of friends. + </p> + <p> + It is always embarrassing for a young lady to have to deny a report of her + engagement, especially when it is a report she would willingly have true; + but what made it particularly distressing for Maud that this report should + have got about was her belief that it would be the means of bringing to an + end the relations between them. It would undoubtedly remind Arthur, by + showing how the public interpreted their friendship, that his own + prospects in other quarters, and he might even think justice to her + future, demanded the discontinuance of attentions which must necessarily + be misconstrued by the world. The public had been quite right in assuming + that it was time for them to be engaged. Such an intimacy as theirs + between a young man and a young woman, unless it were to end in an + engagement, had no precedent and belonged to no known social category. It + was vain, in the long run, to try to live differently from other people. + </p> + <p> + The pangs of an accusing conscience completed her wretchedness at this + time. The conventional proprieties are a law written on the hearts of + refined, delicately nurtured girls; and though, in the desperation of + unreciprocated and jealous love, she had dared to violate them, not the + less did they now thoroughly revenge themselves. If her revolt against + custom had resulted happily, it is not indeed likely that she would ever + have reproached herself very seriously; but now that it had issued in + failure, her self-confidence was gone and her conscience easily convicted + her of sin. The outraged Proprieties, with awful spectacles and minatory, + reproachful gestures, crowded nightly around her bed, the Titanic shade of + Mrs. Grundy looming above her satellite shams and freezing her blood with + a Gorgon gaze. The feeling that she had deserved all that was to come upon + her deprived her of moral support. + </p> + <p> + Arthur had never showed that he thought cheaply of her, but in his heart + of hearts how could he help doing so? Compared with the other girls, + serene and unapproachable in their virgin pride, must she not necessarily + seem bold, coarse, and common? That he took care never to let her see it + only proved his kindness of heart. Her sense of this kindness was more and + more touched with abjectness. + </p> + <p> + The pity of it was that she had come to love him so much more since she + had known him so well. It scarcely seemed to her now that she could have + truly cared for him at all in the old days, and she wondered, as she + looked back, that the shallow emotion she then experienced had emboldened + her to do what she had done. Ah, why had she done it? Why had she not let + him go his way? She might have suffered then, but not such heart-breaking + misery as was now in store for her. + </p> + <p> + Some weeks passed with no marked change in their relations, except that a + new and marked constraint which had come over Arthur's manner towards her + was additional evidence that the end was at hand. Would he think it better + to say nothing, but merely come to see her less and less frequently and so + desert her, without an explanation, which, after all, was needless? Or + would he tell her how the matter stood and say good-by? She thought he + would take the latter course, seeing that they had always been so frank + with each other. She tried to prepare herself for what she knew was + coming, and to get ready to bear it. The only result was that she grew + sick with apprehension whenever he did not call, and was only at ease when + he was with her, in the moment that he was saying good-by without having + uttered the dreaded words. + </p> + <p> + The end came during a call which he made on her in the last part of June. + He appeared preoccupied and moody, and said scarcely anything. Several + times she caught him furtively regarding her with a very strange + expression. She tried to talk, but she could not alone keep up the + conversation, and in time there came a silence. A hideous silence it was + to Maud, an abyss yawning to swallow up all that was left of her + happiness. She had no more power to speak, and when he spoke she knew it + would be to utter the words she had so long expected. Evidently it was + very hard for him to bring himself to utter them,—almost as hard as + it would be for her to hear them. He was very tender-hearted she had + learned already. Even in that moment she was very sorry for him. It was + all her fault that he had to say this to her. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly, just as she must have cried out, unable to bear the tension of + suspense any longer, he rose abruptly to his feet, uttering something + about going and an engagement which he had almost forgotten. Hastily + wishing her good-evening, with hurried steps he half crossed the room, + hesitated, stopped, looked back at her, seemed to waver a moment, and + then, as if moved by a sudden decision, returned to her and took her + gently by the hand. Then she knew it was coming. + </p> + <p> + For a long moment he stood looking at her. She knew just the pitifulness + that was in his expression, but she could not raise her eyes to his. She + tried to summon her pride, her dignity, to her support. But she had no + pride, no dignity, left. She had surrendered them long ago. + </p> + <p> + “I have something to say to you,” he said, in a tone full of gentleness, + just as she had known he would speak. “It is something I have put off + saying as long as possible, and perhaps you have already guessed what it + is.” + </p> + <p> + Maud felt the blood leaving her face; the room spun around; she was afraid + she should faint. It only remained that she should break down now to + complete her humiliation before him, and apparently she was going to do + just that. + </p> + <p> + “We have had a most delightful time the past year,” he went on; “that is, + at least I have. I don't believe the friendship of a girl was ever so much + to a man as yours has been to me. I doubt if there ever was just such a + friendship as ours has been, anyway. I shall always look back on it as the + rarest and most charming passage in my life. But I have seen for some time + that we could not go on much longer on the present footing, and tonight it + has come over me that we can't go on even another day. Maud, I can't play + at being friends with you one hour more. I love you. Do you care for me + still? Will you be my wife?” + </p> + <p> + When it is remembered that up to his last words she had been desperately + bracing herself against an announcement of a most opposite nature, it will + not seem strange that for a moment Maud had difficulty in realizing just + what had happened. She looked at him as if dazed, and with an instinct of + bewilderment drew back a little as he would have clasped her. “I thought,” + she stammered—“I thought—I”— + </p> + <p> + He misconstrued her hesitation. His eyes darkened and his voice was + sharpened with a sudden fear as he exclaimed, “I know it was a long time + ago you told me that. Perhaps you don't feel the same way now. Don't tell + me, Maud, that you don't care for me any longer, now that I have learned I + can't do without you.” + </p> + <p> + A look of wondering happiness, scarcely able even yet to believe in its + own reality, had succeeded the bewildered incredulity in her face. + </p> + <p> + “O Arthur!” she cried. “Do you really mean it? Are you sure it is not out + of pity that you say this? Do you love me after all? Would you really like + me a little to be your wife?” + </p> + <p> + “If you are not my wife, I shall never have one,” he replied. “You have + spoiled all other women for me.” + </p> + <p> + Then she let him take her in his arms, and as his lips touched hers for + the first time he faintly wondered if it were possible he had ever dreamed + of any other woman but Maud Elliott as his wife. After she had laughed and + cried awhile, she said: + </p> + <p> + “How was it that you never let me see you cared for me? You never showed + it.” + </p> + <p> + “I tried not to,” he replied; “and I would not have shown it to-night, if + I could have helped it. I tried to get away without betraying my secret, + but I could not.” Then he told her that when he found he had fallen in + love with her, he was almost angry with himself. He was so proud of their + friendship that a mere love affair seemed cheap and common beside it. Any + girl would do to fall in love with; but there was not, he was sure, + another in America capable of bearing her part in such a rare and delicate + companionship as theirs. He was determined to keep up their noble game of + friendship as long as might be. + </p> + <p> + Afterward, during the evening, he boasted himself to her not a little of + the self-control he had shown in hiding his passion so long, a feat the + merit of which perhaps she did not adequately appreciate. + </p> + <p> + “Many a time in the last month or two when you have been saying good-by to + me of an evening, with your hand in mine, the temptation has been almost + more than I could withstand to seize you in my arms. It was all the + harder, you see, because I fancied you would not be very angry if I did. + In fact, you once gave me to understand as much in pretty plain language, + if I remember rightly. Possibly you may recall the conversation. You took + the leading part in it, I believe.” + </p> + <p> + Maud had bent her head so low that he could not see her face. It was very + cruel in him, but he deliberately took her chin in his hands, and gently + but firmly turned her face up to his. Then, as he kissed the shamed eyes + and furiously blushing cheeks, he dropped the tone of banter and said, + with moist eyes, in a voice of solemn tenderness:— + </p> + <p> + “My brave darling, with all my life I will thank you for the words you + spoke that night. But for them I might have missed the wife God meant for + me.” for me.” <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Love Story Reversed, by Edward Bellamy + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A LOVE STORY REVERSED *** + +***** This file should be named 22711-h.htm or 22711-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/2/7/1/22711/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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