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+ <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" />
+ <title>
+ The Project Gutenberg eBook of Jubilation, U.S.A., by G. L. Vandenburg
+ </title>
+ <style type="text/css">
+/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */
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+ .cpoem {text-align: justify; width: 28em; margin: 2em auto; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;}
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Jubilation, U.S.A., by G. L. Vandenburg
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Jubilation, U.S.A.
+
+Author: G. L. Vandenburg
+
+Release Date: September 12, 2007 [EBook #22589]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JUBILATION, U.S.A. ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+<h1><big>JUBILATION, U.S.A.</big></h1>
+
+<h2>By G. L. VANDENBURG</h2>
+
+
+<div class="cpoem">You've heard, I'm sure, about the two Martians who went into
+a bar, saw a jukebox flashing and glittering, and said to it,
+"What's a nice girl like you doing in a joint like this?"
+Well, here's one about two Capellans and a slot-machine....</div>
+
+
+<p class="cap">TORYL pointed the small crypterpreter
+toward the wooden,
+horseshoe-shaped sign. The
+sign's legend was carved in
+bright yellow letters. Sartan,
+Toryl's companion, watched up
+and down the open highway for
+signs of life. In seconds the
+small cylindrical mechanism completed the
+translation.</p>
+
+<p>The sign said:</p>
+
+<div class="sign"><b>JUBILATION, U.S.A.!!</b><br />
+<br />
+The doggondest, cheeriest<br />
+little town in America!</div>
+
+<p>The two aliens smiled at each
+other. Unaccustomed to oral
+conversation, they exchanged
+thoughts.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>The crypterpreter worked incredibly
+fast. The language is
+quite simple. It would seem safe
+to proceed. The sign indicates
+friendliness</i>," thought Toryl, the
+older of the two Capellans.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Very well, Brother</i>," replied
+Sartan, "<i>though I still worry for
+the safety of the ship</i>."</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Sartan, our instruments tell
+us that anyone who discovers the
+ship</i>," Toryl explained, a trifle
+impatient, "<i>will show a remarkable
+degree of curiosity before
+they display any hostility</i>."</p>
+
+<p>Sartan agreed to dismiss his
+worries and the two aliens began
+to walk along the barren
+highway. Before them, at a
+great distance, they could see a
+cluster of small frame buildings.
+When they had walked a hundred
+feet or more they encountered
+another sign.</p>
+
+<div class="sign"><b>JUBILATION, U.S.A.!!</b><br />
+<br />
+<b>WELCOME, STRANGER!</b> See America<br />
+first and begin with<br />
+<b>JUBILATION!</b></div>
+
+<p>And several hundred feet further
+two more signs.</p>
+
+<div class="sign"><b>THE ROTARY CLUB</b> of Jubilation<br />
+welcomes and extends the warm<br />
+hand of friendship to you!!!!<br />
+You are now entering Paradise, brother!<br />
+<br /><br />
+<b>HOWDY, STRANGER! COME RIGHT<br />
+ON IN, STAY AWHILE AND MAKE<br />
+YOURSELF TO HOME!</b><br />
+<br />
+&mdash;Jubilation Chamber of<br />
+Commerce&mdash;</div>
+
+<p>As members of a peaceful race,
+Toryl and Sartan naturally found
+the signs encouraging. They
+walked at a sprightly pace.</p>
+
+<p>A whirring noise behind them
+brought the two to a halt. They
+turned to discover a pre-war
+Chevy choking its way along the
+road. The aliens edged their
+way to a gulley along the side of
+the road. They were confident of
+a friendly reception but, in the
+event their calculations had been
+wrong, they poised themselves to
+make a break in the direction of
+their ship.</p>
+
+<p>The ancient Chevy sputtered
+by. The driver was almost as ancient
+as the car, a bearded fellow
+with a stogy stuck between
+his teeth and a crushed hat on
+his head.</p>
+
+<p>The driver slowed down when
+he saw the aliens. "Howdy,
+strangers!" he yelled cheerily.
+"Say, ain't you fellers a mite
+warm in them coveralls?" He
+cackled merrily, put his foot to
+the floor and sped on by.</p>
+
+<p>Sartan looked at his companion.
+"<i>I am sorry, I should not
+have doubted you, Brother. You
+were right. These people will
+welcome our visit. They seem
+very cordial.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Good, Sartan. Let us continue.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>One hundred yards further
+they were confronted by still another
+brace of signs. They stopped
+once more.</p>
+
+<div class="sign"><b>CITY LIMITS</b><br />
+(Gambling allowed)<br />
+<br />
+<b>JUBILATION! Where troubles</b><br />
+never come due, 'cause the<br />
+Good Lord takes a likin' to <b>you</b>!<br />
+<br />
+Where gloom and doom are outlawed<br />
+and there's never any sadness.<br />
+<br />
+Where a smile lights up the midnight<br />
+sky and gives off only gladness!<br />
+<br />
+(Gambling allowed)</div>
+
+<p>The second sign was another
+in the shape of a horseshoe.</p>
+
+<div class="sign"><b>Beyond This Point You Have 4372<br />
+Friends You Never Had Before!!!</b><br />
+<br />
+(Gambling allowed)</div>
+
+<p>Suddenly Toryl stopped and
+played with several switches and
+dials on the crypterpreter.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>What is wrong, Brother?</i>"
+asked the puzzled Sartan.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>I receive no direct translation
+for the term 'gambling'.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>What is the closest term the
+machine gives?</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Fraternizing.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>Sartan laughed. "<i>Now it is you
+who fret, Toryl. According to
+the signpost legends 'fraternizing'
+would seem to be accurate.</i>"</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>A steady rolling sound of passionless
+one-armed bandits
+drowned out all other noise in
+Okie's Oasis Bar. As a result,
+Toryl and Sartan drew little attention
+when they entered. Except
+for their blue-metallic space
+suits they looked like and <i>were</i>
+ordinary humans.</p>
+
+<p>They proceeded rather timidly
+toward the bar. Okie, the proprietor,
+was on duty readying
+the place for the night shift.
+Toryl held up his hand. The crypterpreter
+had already informed
+him that oral conversation was
+the manner of communication on
+the strange planet. Such conversation
+had long ago been abandoned
+on the planet Capella, but
+learned men such as Toryl and
+Sartan were familiar with how
+it was done, though when they
+spoke they sometimes had to
+halt between syllables.</p>
+
+<p>"How-dy!" Toryl flashed a
+wide grin at the barkeep.</p>
+
+<p>"Just hold your horses there,
+mister!" was Okie's sharp reply.
+"You ain't the only snake in this
+desert. There's four customers
+ahead of you!"</p>
+
+<p>Sartan transmitted an admonishing
+thought to his companion.
+"<i>Toryl, you should have noticed
+that the man was busy. He
+has only two hands.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Forgive me, Brother, I was
+blinded by my own excitement.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>The two Capellans waited and
+were soon attracted by the silver-handled
+machines that seemed
+to have most of the customers
+fascinated.</p>
+
+<p>Sartan wandered over to
+where a small crowd of men was
+gathered around a single machine.
+A huge man, raw-boned
+and crimson-faced, wearing surplus
+army suntans, was operating
+the machine.</p>
+
+<p>The big man dropped a large
+coin into a slot. He gave the silver
+handle a vicious snap. It
+made a discordant, bone-crushing
+sound. Three little wheels, visible
+under glass, spun dizzily.
+Anxious, screwed-up faces looked
+on as the first little wheel
+stopped. <i>Bell Fruit.</i></p>
+
+<p>A collective gasp came from
+the small crowd. The second little
+wheel stopped. <i>Bell Fruit.</i></p>
+
+<p>Another gasp.</p>
+
+<p>Sartan touched the arm of the
+man operating the gambling device.
+"I beg your pardon, but
+could you please tell me&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>The big man wheeled around
+like a bear aroused from hibernation.
+"Hands off, mister! You
+trying to jinx me?"</p>
+
+<p>The third little wheel stopped.
+<i>Lemon.</i></p>
+
+<p>The crowd groaned. The big
+man turned on Sartan again, a
+wild and furious look in his eye.
+"You jinxed me! Damn you, I
+oughta' bust you one right in the
+snout!!"</p>
+
+<p>"My humble apol-o-gies, sir,"
+the bewildered Sartan began.</p>
+
+<p>"I'll give you your humble
+apologies right back with my
+fist," roared the gambler.</p>
+
+<p>Toryl quickly made his way
+through the small crowd which
+by now was itching to witness a
+fight. "Ex-cuse me, sir, but my
+friend did not real-ize&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"The hell he didn't!" The
+gambler fumed. "He was trying
+to jinx me, by God! And I'm
+gonna teach him to keep his
+paws&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Okay, okay, you guys, break
+it up!!" It was Okie, massive
+and mean looking, using his barrel
+belly to push his way through
+to the two aliens and the unlucky
+gambler. "What's goin' on here,
+Smokey?" he inquired of the
+gambler.</p>
+
+<p>"Okie, I had a jackpot workin'
+when this dumb jerk here ups
+and grabs my arm&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Toryl interrupted with, "My
+friend is sorry for what he did,
+sir."</p>
+
+<p>Okie stabbed a cigar into his
+mouth. "Who <i>are</i> you guys anyhow?
+Where'd you dig up them
+crazy coveralls?"</p>
+
+<p>"Sure a queer way to dress in
+this heat," spoke a voice from
+the crowd.</p>
+
+<p>This was the moment of pride
+that Toryl and Sartan had looked
+forward to. They both
+grinned confident grins. "We
+have come to you from Capella,"
+he said with some exultation.</p>
+
+<p>Okie's face went blank. "Capella!
+Where the hell is that?"</p>
+
+<p>"Sounds like one of them
+damn hick towns in California,"
+said Smokey, the gambler.</p>
+
+<p>Toryl, somewhat deflated, but
+by no means defeated, hastened
+to elucidate. "Capella is lo-cat-ed
+in the con-stell-a-tion which you
+call Auriga."</p>
+
+<p>"Anybody know what the hell
+he's talking about?" asked the
+annoyed saloonkeeper.</p>
+
+<p>Toryl and Sartan exchanged
+troubled glances. Sartan took up
+the cudgel. "Auriga is a constellation,
+a star cluster, sir. It is
+forty-two million light years
+away."</p>
+
+<p>"What in tarnation is a light
+year?" asked an old-timer in the
+group.</p>
+
+<p>Another replied, "They must
+be from Alaska. They got light
+years up there, sometimes stays
+light the whole confounded year
+'round."</p>
+
+<p>"That must be it," agreed
+Okie, "and that's why they're
+wearin' them crazy suits." The
+saloonkeeper unloosed a grim
+laugh. "You can take them arctic
+pajamas off now, boys.
+Weather's kinda warm in these
+parts!"</p>
+
+<p>"Hey, fellas!" a voice shot
+out, "didya bring any Eskimo
+babes down with you?"</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>The crowd roared approval at
+the witticism.</p>
+
+<p>Toryl transmitted a depressing
+thought to his companion. "<i>I
+fear they do not believe us, Sartan.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>Sartan did not get the opportunity
+to answer immediately.</p>
+
+<p>"Listen, you guys," Okie
+pounded his fat finger into Sartan's
+chest. "I want you to behave
+yourselves, understand?
+Now that means lay off the customers
+while they're at the
+games. You wanna gamble there
+is plenty of machines available.
+I got a respectable place, I
+wanna keep it that way!" He
+turned and addressed the other
+men. "All right, boys, fun's over!
+No fight today! Drink up and
+gamble your money away. Let's
+get back to the games."</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>It was necessary for Toryl to
+use the crypterpreter to translate
+the various signs along the
+bar. Okie saw the small cylindrical
+machine sitting on the bar.
+His curiosity bested him. He
+gave it a more thorough examination
+than a dog gives a fireplug.</p>
+
+<p>Some of the signs read:
+"<b>DOUBLE BOURBON&mdash;$2.10</b>" "<b>COOL
+GIN RICKEY&mdash;$1.25</b>" "<b>IN GOD WE
+TRUST, BUT NOBODY ELSE!</b>" "<b>RUM
+COLLINS&mdash;$1</b>" "<b>A FRIEND IN NEED
+IS A FRIEND INDEED</b>" "<b>NO INDIANS
+SERVED HERE</b>" and "<b>SCOTCH&mdash;IMPORTED,
+$1.50&mdash;DOMESTIC,
+$1.30</b>."</p>
+
+<p>"Cool gin rick-ey," said Toryl.</p>
+
+<p>"Comin' right up," Okie mumbled,
+his attention still wrapped
+around the crypterpreter. "Say,
+what is this gadget anyway?"</p>
+
+<p>"It is a cryp-terp-reter," Toryl
+beamed with pride. "It en-ables
+us to un-der-stand and speak
+your lan-guage."</p>
+
+<p>"Aw, go on!" Okie managed a
+fainthearted grin, uncertain of
+whether his leg was being pulled.
+"Come on now, tell me what
+it is."</p>
+
+<p>"But I have just told you,
+sir."</p>
+
+<p>The barkeep cursed under his
+breath. "Two gin rickeys, did you
+say?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes."</p>
+
+<p>Okie brought the drinks.</p>
+
+<p>Sartan smiled broadly. "Thank
+you ex-ceed-ing-ly."</p>
+
+<p>"That'll be two-fifty."</p>
+
+<p>Toryl raised his glass as
+though making a toast. "Two-fif-ty!"
+he repeated.</p>
+
+<p>Okie caught his arm and
+brought the glass down.</p>
+
+<p>"Two-fifty!" the barkeep said
+with grim insistence.</p>
+
+<p>Sartan pursed his lips comprehendingly.
+He removed a large
+pentagonal piece of metal from
+his pocket and gave it to Okie.</p>
+
+<p>Okie took the piece between
+his fingers, examined it and
+frowned. "I give up. What is
+it?"</p>
+
+<p>Sartan had to glance at Toryl
+for an answer. Toryl threw a
+switch on the crypterpreter.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Money</i>," Toryl silently advised
+him.</p>
+
+<p>"Money," said Sartan to Okie.</p>
+
+<p>"You guys hold on and don't
+drink up yet," growled the barkeep.
+He then yelled in the direction
+of the blackjack table.
+"Hey, Nugget! Get on over here,
+I need you!!"</p>
+
+<p>A wiry little man with a full,
+unkempt beard, hustled over to
+the bar. "Nugget McDermott at
+yer service, Okie! What's yer
+pleasure?" he asked with a
+sunny smile.</p>
+
+<p>"Take a look at this." Okie
+handed him the piece of metal.</p>
+
+<p>The old prospector turned it
+over in his hands, bit it and then
+held it in his palm as though to
+judge its weight. His expert
+opinion was, "It's gold, Okie,"
+and was uttered without a shred
+of modesty.</p>
+
+<p>"Are you sure?"</p>
+
+<p>The old-timer was highly insulted.
+"Am I sure!! Why you
+lop-eared, sun-stroked jackass,
+of course I'm sure!!! Nugget
+McDermott is drawed to gold
+like nails to a magnet! Why
+when this here town was nothin'
+but a patch of cactus&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"All right, all right," Okie
+waved him off, "don't get your
+gander up! Go on back to the
+blackjack table and tell Sam to
+give you a drink on the house."</p>
+
+<p>"Much obliged, Okie, much
+obliged," said Nugget, doffing
+his hat and trotting back to the
+blackjack table.</p>
+
+<p>The barkeep's face was pure
+sunshine when he turned to the
+aliens again. "Gentlemen, with
+this kind of a substitute you
+don't need money in my place.
+Drink up!"</p>
+
+<p>"Thank you ex-ceed-ing-ly,"
+said Sartan.</p>
+
+<p>Okie arbitrarily judged the
+gold piece to be worth ten dollars.
+"The management invites
+you to try your luck, gentlemen.
+Go on give it a whirl."</p>
+
+<p>Toryl and Sartan wore blank
+expressions as Okie slapped seven
+dollars and fifty cents change
+on the bar&mdash;four silver dollars,
+four half-dollars and six quarters.</p>
+
+<p>"Don't be bashful, gentlemen.
+Okie's machines are friendly to
+one and all," said the barkeep.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>Toryl removed the change and
+gave his companion two silver
+dollars, two half-dollars and
+three quarters.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>What is the purpose of the
+machines?</i>" thought Sartan as
+they approached the one-armed
+bandits.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>I suppose that is what the
+one called Okie wishes us to
+learn.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Perhaps it is some type of
+registration machine.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>It is doubtful. The gentleman
+you disturbed has been at the
+same machine since we arrived.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>Sartan gripped the handle of
+a vacant machine. "<i>Do you think
+it might be a kind of intelligence
+test?</i>"</p>
+
+<p>In lieu of an answer Toryl focused
+his attention on a small
+card, above the machine, which
+gave the winning combinations.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>There is that term again.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>What term?</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Gambling.</i>" Toryl pointed to
+a line on the card warning minors
+not to gamble. A look of
+perplexity fell upon his face. "<i>I
+am no longer sure the term has
+anything to do with fraternizing</i>,"
+he observed mentally.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Let us find out.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>Sartan placed a quarter in the
+coin slot. The three little wheels
+went spinning. Cherry. Lemon.
+Lemon.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing.</p>
+
+<p>Toryl and Sartan looked at
+each other, their faces blanker
+than ever.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Try it again.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>Sartan disposed of another
+quarter. They waited. Lemon.
+Plum. Plum.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing.</p>
+
+<p>Toryl inspected the machine
+from every angle, like a man on
+the outside trying to figure a
+way in. "<i>Let me try it.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>He put a quarter in the slot.</p>
+
+<p>Three lemons.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>It isn't very interesting, is
+it?</i>" thought Sartan.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Why don't we try the larger
+pieces?</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>A splendid idea, Brother.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>The larger coins did not fit.
+Toryl proceeded to report this
+sad state of affairs to Okie and
+was amazed when, for the eight
+large coins, Okie rewarded him
+with twenty-four smaller ones.
+He went back to his companion
+at the one-armed bandit.</p>
+
+<p>They then dropped twenty consecutive
+quarters into the appropriately
+named machine without
+getting so much as a single
+quarter in return.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>It is puzzling, is it not,
+Brother?</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Yes, Sartan. From all indications
+it would seem to be a machine
+totally without purpose.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>It does consume money.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>But why would one build a
+machine whose sole purpose is to
+consume money?</i>"</p>
+
+<p>Sartan gave it some hard
+thought. "<i>I don't know!</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Remarkable!</i>" Toryl concluded.
+"<i>But nothing is done without
+a purpose.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Obviously we've found something
+that is.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>No, I do not believe that. Let
+me have the electro-analyzer.</i>"</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>The aliens were so engrossed
+in their problem as to be unaware
+that Okie and two men at
+the bar were casting suspicious
+eyes on them.</p>
+
+<p>Sartan fished around in his
+pocket and produced a small object
+in the shape of an irregular
+triangle. Toryl took the electro-analyzer
+from him, removed the
+cover and moved his finger
+around inside. He replaced the
+cover and slapped the electro-analyzer
+against the side of the
+one-armed bandit. When he took
+his hand away the small object
+stuck to the machine like a leech.</p>
+
+<p>Okie scratched his head and
+addressed one of the two men at
+the bar. "What the hell you suppose
+they're doin', Sam? What's
+that gadget for?"</p>
+
+<p>"Search me," replied Sam, a
+well dressed, stoop-shouldered
+gent, "but if you want my opinion
+it doesn't look legal."</p>
+
+<p>"Hey, Nugget!" yelled the
+barkeep.</p>
+
+<p>Again the little old prospector
+hustled himself over to the bar.</p>
+
+<p>"Nugget McDermott at your
+service! What'll it be, Okie?"</p>
+
+<p>"Go on over and get the sheriff.
+Tell him there's two queer
+characters here trying to jimmy
+one of my machines in broad
+daylight."</p>
+
+<p>The old man's feet kicked up
+sawdust as he scampered out the
+door. Okie kept his attention
+riveted to the two aliens.</p>
+
+<p>Toryl was busy adjusting the
+electro-analyzer to the best possible
+position.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>What if it does not respond
+to this machine?</i>" Sartan wanted
+to know.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>I do not think the machine
+contains any type of metal with
+which we are unfamiliar. We
+will have a reading in one minute.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>The aliens took a step backward
+and waited.</p>
+
+<p>A sudden noise, like that of a
+television tube exploding, jolted
+everyone in the room, including
+Toryl and Sartan. The blackjack
+table emptied. Gamblers left
+their machines. A semi-circle of
+the curious formed around the
+two aliens. Okie lit out from behind
+the bar and elbowed his
+way through the crowd.</p>
+
+<p>The aliens' concentration was
+unbroken by the attention they
+had aroused. With all the single
+mindedness of religious fanatics
+they continued to observe the
+strange mechanical device.</p>
+
+<p>Okie was dumbfounded to find
+the machine still in one piece
+and doubly dumbfounded to discover
+it was behaving in a most
+unconventional manner. It was
+emitting a low steady gurgling
+sound and an occasional sputter
+or burp. The legs of the machine
+seemed unsteady. Its body shifted
+back and forth in herky-jerky
+motions like an old-fashioned
+washing machine. The three
+little Bell Fruit wheels were
+spinning at the speed of an airplane
+propellor. Okie thought
+they might never stop again.</p>
+
+<p>"What the hell are you crazy
+galoots doing to my machine!"
+he bellowed.</p>
+
+<p>Before the aliens could answer
+there was another explosive
+sound, causing the crowd to
+jump back several steps. Quarters
+fell from the mouth of the
+machine, slowly at first, then at
+an alarming rate. The coins fell,
+bounced and rolled all over the
+floor. The crowd gulped with
+fascination.</p>
+
+<p>"Holy catfish!" said one of the
+men, "how long since that blasted
+thing's paid off?"</p>
+
+<p>"Looks like this is the first
+time," said one of the others.</p>
+
+<p>"You guys keep quiet!" yelled
+Okie.</p>
+
+<p>The coins continued to fall for
+what seemed like a record time.
+The crowd was spellbound. Okie
+watched in silent fury.</p>
+
+<p>And the aliens were more confused
+than they had been when
+the machine <i>wasn't</i> paying off.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>The one-armed bandit finally
+coughed out its last quarter. The
+three Bell Fruit wheels came to
+an abrupt halt, as though an inner
+spring had snapped. The
+machine broke down. Certain observers
+later reported that the
+poor thing actually <i>looked</i> exhausted.</p>
+
+<p>The sheriff burst in the door
+with Nugget McDermott close
+behind.</p>
+
+<p>"Sheriff, I want you to arrest
+these two tinhorns!" cried Okie.</p>
+
+<p>"Tinhorns??" Sartan's face
+was creased with bewilderment.</p>
+
+<p>"What's wrong, Okie?" asked
+the sheriff.</p>
+
+<p>"Take a look for yourself!
+These two bugged my machine
+and then broke it down! Look at
+that money all over the floor!"</p>
+
+<p>Toryl smiled. "We meant no
+harm, sir&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"The hell you didn't mean no
+harm! You were out to rob
+me!"</p>
+
+<p>"We were only ex-per-i-ment-ing&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"There's their crooked experimenting
+right there!" said Okie,
+pointing a finger at the deactivated
+one-armed bandit. "I want
+them locked up until that machine's
+paid for!"</p>
+
+<p>"All right," said the sheriff,
+"you two better come with me."</p>
+
+<p>"But, sir," Sartan protested,
+"we merely wanted to know how
+the machine functioned. You see,
+we are from Capella and&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Capella!" exclaimed the sheriff.
+"Where is that? I never
+heard of the place."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, it is not a part of your
+Earth."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, well why didn't you say
+so before!" The sheriff winked
+at the crowd. "You mean you
+boys are from out of this
+world?"</p>
+
+<p>"That is correct," Sartan
+grinned proudly.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, well! That makes a big
+difference!" The sheriff turned
+to the crowd. "All right, boys,
+grab them and hustle them over
+to the jail house!"</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>A group of men slowly closed
+in on the two aliens.</p>
+
+<p>Toryl and Sartan backed away
+toward the wall.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>I believe they are angry,
+Brother</i>," thought Sartan.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>But why?</i>" inquired Toryl.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>I do not know. Do you suppose
+the machine represented
+some form of religious deity?</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Exceed-ing-ly possible</i>," Toryl
+answered.</p>
+
+<p>As the men came closer Okie
+yelled, "Just get them two
+crackpots! I'll plug the first man
+that touches that money!"</p>
+
+<p>The men were diverted by
+Okie's warning. They didn't notice,
+until it was almost too late,
+that the two strangers were halfway
+out the door.</p>
+
+<p>"Get after them!!" the sheriff
+bellowed.</p>
+
+<p>The aliens ran as though their
+lives were at stake, which was
+true, following the same route
+they had taken into town.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>The crowd followed them as
+far as the edge of town. From
+there they hurled rocks.</p>
+
+<p>Toryl and Sartan continued to
+run at breakneck speed, praying
+they would reach the safety of
+the ship. Once they looked behind
+them and saw that the
+crowd of angry men had given
+up the chase.</p>
+
+<p>Halfway back to their ship
+they passed a sign, though they
+didn't bother to stop and read it.</p>
+
+<div class="sign"><b>YOU ARE NOW LEAVING<br />
+JUBILATION, U.S.A.!!</b><br />
+<br />
+The doggondest, cheeriest little<br />
+town in America! Come back soon!!</div>
+
+
+<p class="theend">THE END</p>
+
+
+<div class="trans1"><b>Transcriber's Note:</b><br />
+
+This etext was produced from <i>Amazing Science Fiction Stories</i>
+March 1959. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
+the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling
+and typographical errors have been corrected without note.
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Jubilation, U.S.A., by G. L. Vandenburg
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Jubilation, U.S.A., by G. L. Vandenburg
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Jubilation, U.S.A.
+
+Author: G. L. Vandenburg
+
+Release Date: September 12, 2007 [EBook #22589]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JUBILATION, U.S.A. ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ JUBILATION, U.S.A.
+
+ By G. L. VANDENBURG
+
+
+ _You've heard, I'm sure, about the two Martians who went into
+ a bar, saw a jukebox flashing and glittering, and said to it,
+ "What's a nice girl like you doing in a joint like this?"
+ Well, here's one about two Capellans and a slot-machine...._
+
+
+Toryl pointed the small crypterpreter toward the wooden,
+horseshoe-shaped sign. The sign's legend was carved in bright yellow
+letters. Sartan, Toryl's companion, watched up and down the open highway
+for signs of life. In seconds the small cylindrical mechanism completed
+the translation.
+
+The sign said:
+
+ JUBILATION, U.S.A.!!
+
+ The doggondest, cheeriest
+ little town in America!
+
+The two aliens smiled at each other. Unaccustomed to oral conversation,
+they exchanged thoughts.
+
+"_The crypterpreter worked incredibly fast. The language is quite
+simple. It would seem safe to proceed. The sign indicates
+friendliness_," thought Toryl, the older of the two Capellans.
+
+"_Very well, Brother_," replied Sartan, "_though I still worry for the
+safety of the ship_."
+
+"_Sartan, our instruments tell us that anyone who discovers the ship_,"
+Toryl explained, a trifle impatient, "_will show a remarkable degree of
+curiosity before they display any hostility_."
+
+Sartan agreed to dismiss his worries and the two aliens began to walk
+along the barren highway. Before them, at a great distance, they could
+see a cluster of small frame buildings. When they had walked a hundred
+feet or more they encountered another sign.
+
+ JUBILATION, U.S.A.!!
+
+ WELCOME, STRANGER! See America
+ first and begin with
+ JUBILATION!
+
+And several hundred feet further two more signs.
+
+ THE ROTARY CLUB of Jubilation
+ welcomes and extends the warm
+ hand of friendship to you!!!!
+ You are now entering Paradise,
+ brother!
+
+ HOWDY, STRANGER! COME RIGHT
+ ON IN, STAY AWHILE AND MAKE
+ YOURSELF TO HOME!
+
+ --Jubilation Chamber of
+ Commerce--
+
+As members of a peaceful race, Toryl and Sartan naturally found the
+signs encouraging. They walked at a sprightly pace.
+
+A whirring noise behind them brought the two to a halt. They turned to
+discover a pre-war Chevy choking its way along the road. The aliens
+edged their way to a gulley along the side of the road. They were
+confident of a friendly reception but, in the event their calculations
+had been wrong, they poised themselves to make a break in the direction
+of their ship.
+
+The ancient Chevy sputtered by. The driver was almost as ancient as the
+car, a bearded fellow with a stogy stuck between his teeth and a crushed
+hat on his head.
+
+The driver slowed down when he saw the aliens. "Howdy, strangers!" he
+yelled cheerily. "Say, ain't you fellers a mite warm in them coveralls?"
+He cackled merrily, put his foot to the floor and sped on by.
+
+Sartan looked at his companion. "_I am sorry, I should not have doubted
+you, Brother. You were right. These people will welcome our visit. They
+seem very cordial._"
+
+"_Good, Sartan. Let us continue._"
+
+One hundred yards further they were confronted by still another brace of
+signs. They stopped once more.
+
+ CITY LIMITS
+ (Gambling allowed)
+
+ JUBILATION! WHERE TROUBLES
+ never come due, 'cause the
+ Good Lord takes a likin' to YOU!
+
+ Where gloom and doom are outlawed
+ and there's never any sadness.
+
+ Where a smile lights up the midnight
+ sky and gives off only gladness!
+
+ (Gambling allowed)
+
+The second sign was another in the shape of a horseshoe.
+
+ BEYOND THIS POINT YOU HAVE 4372
+ FRIENDS YOU NEVER HAD BEFORE!!!
+
+ (Gambling allowed)
+
+Suddenly Toryl stopped and played with several switches and dials on the
+crypterpreter.
+
+"_What is wrong, Brother?_" asked the puzzled Sartan.
+
+"_I receive no direct translation for the term 'gambling'._"
+
+"_What is the closest term the machine gives?_"
+
+"_Fraternizing._"
+
+Sartan laughed. "_Now it is you who fret, Toryl. According to the
+signpost legends 'fraternizing' would seem to be accurate._"
+
+ * * * * *
+
+A steady rolling sound of passionless one-armed bandits drowned out all
+other noise in Okie's Oasis Bar. As a result, Toryl and Sartan drew
+little attention when they entered. Except for their blue-metallic space
+suits they looked like and _were_ ordinary humans.
+
+They proceeded rather timidly toward the bar. Okie, the proprietor, was
+on duty readying the place for the night shift. Toryl held up his hand.
+The crypterpreter had already informed him that oral conversation was
+the manner of communication on the strange planet. Such conversation had
+long ago been abandoned on the planet Capella, but learned men such as
+Toryl and Sartan were familiar with how it was done, though when they
+spoke they sometimes had to halt between syllables.
+
+"How-dy!" Toryl flashed a wide grin at the barkeep.
+
+"Just hold your horses there, mister!" was Okie's sharp reply. "You
+ain't the only snake in this desert. There's four customers ahead of
+you!"
+
+Sartan transmitted an admonishing thought to his companion. "_Toryl, you
+should have noticed that the man was busy. He has only two hands._"
+
+"_Forgive me, Brother, I was blinded by my own excitement._"
+
+The two Capellans waited and were soon attracted by the silver-handled
+machines that seemed to have most of the customers fascinated.
+
+Sartan wandered over to where a small crowd of men was gathered around a
+single machine. A huge man, raw-boned and crimson-faced, wearing surplus
+army suntans, was operating the machine.
+
+The big man dropped a large coin into a slot. He gave the silver handle
+a vicious snap. It made a discordant, bone-crushing sound. Three little
+wheels, visible under glass, spun dizzily. Anxious, screwed-up faces
+looked on as the first little wheel stopped. _Bell Fruit._
+
+A collective gasp came from the small crowd. The second little wheel
+stopped. _Bell Fruit._
+
+Another gasp.
+
+Sartan touched the arm of the man operating the gambling device. "I beg
+your pardon, but could you please tell me--"
+
+The big man wheeled around like a bear aroused from hibernation. "Hands
+off, mister! You trying to jinx me?"
+
+The third little wheel stopped. _Lemon._
+
+The crowd groaned. The big man turned on Sartan again, a wild and
+furious look in his eye. "You jinxed me! Damn you, I oughta' bust you
+one right in the snout!!"
+
+"My humble apol-o-gies, sir," the bewildered Sartan began.
+
+"I'll give you your humble apologies right back with my fist," roared
+the gambler.
+
+Toryl quickly made his way through the small crowd which by now was
+itching to witness a fight. "Ex-cuse me, sir, but my friend did not
+real-ize--"
+
+"The hell he didn't!" The gambler fumed. "He was trying to jinx me, by
+God! And I'm gonna teach him to keep his paws--"
+
+"Okay, okay, you guys, break it up!!" It was Okie, massive and mean
+looking, using his barrel belly to push his way through to the two
+aliens and the unlucky gambler. "What's goin' on here, Smokey?" he
+inquired of the gambler.
+
+"Okie, I had a jackpot workin' when this dumb jerk here ups and grabs my
+arm--"
+
+Toryl interrupted with, "My friend is sorry for what he did, sir."
+
+Okie stabbed a cigar into his mouth. "Who _are_ you guys anyhow? Where'd
+you dig up them crazy coveralls?"
+
+"Sure a queer way to dress in this heat," spoke a voice from the crowd.
+
+This was the moment of pride that Toryl and Sartan had looked forward
+to. They both grinned confident grins. "We have come to you from
+Capella," he said with some exultation.
+
+Okie's face went blank. "Capella! Where the hell is that?"
+
+"Sounds like one of them damn hick towns in California," said Smokey,
+the gambler.
+
+Toryl, somewhat deflated, but by no means defeated, hastened to
+elucidate. "Capella is lo-cat-ed in the con-stell-a-tion which you call
+Auriga."
+
+"Anybody know what the hell he's talking about?" asked the annoyed
+saloonkeeper.
+
+Toryl and Sartan exchanged troubled glances. Sartan took up the cudgel.
+"Auriga is a constellation, a star cluster, sir. It is forty-two million
+light years away."
+
+"What in tarnation is a light year?" asked an old-timer in the group.
+
+Another replied, "They must be from Alaska. They got light years up
+there, sometimes stays light the whole confounded year 'round."
+
+"That must be it," agreed Okie, "and that's why they're wearin' them
+crazy suits." The saloonkeeper unloosed a grim laugh. "You can take them
+arctic pajamas off now, boys. Weather's kinda warm in these parts!"
+
+"Hey, fellas!" a voice shot out, "didya bring any Eskimo babes down with
+you?"
+
+ * * * * *
+
+The crowd roared approval at the witticism.
+
+Toryl transmitted a depressing thought to his companion. "_I fear they
+do not believe us, Sartan._"
+
+Sartan did not get the opportunity to answer immediately.
+
+"Listen, you guys," Okie pounded his fat finger into Sartan's chest. "I
+want you to behave yourselves, understand? Now that means lay off the
+customers while they're at the games. You wanna gamble there is plenty
+of machines available. I got a respectable place, I wanna keep it that
+way!" He turned and addressed the other men. "All right, boys, fun's
+over! No fight today! Drink up and gamble your money away. Let's get
+back to the games."
+
+ * * * * *
+
+It was necessary for Toryl to use the crypterpreter to translate the
+various signs along the bar. Okie saw the small cylindrical machine
+sitting on the bar. His curiosity bested him. He gave it a more thorough
+examination than a dog gives a fireplug.
+
+Some of the signs read: "DOUBLE BOURBON--$2.10" "COOL GIN RICKEY--$1.25"
+"IN GOD WE TRUST, BUT NOBODY ELSE!" "RUM COLLINS--$1" "A FRIEND IN NEED
+IS A FRIEND INDEED" "NO INDIANS SERVED HERE" and "SCOTCH--IMPORTED,
+$1.50--DOMESTIC, $1.30."
+
+"Cool gin rick-ey," said Toryl.
+
+"Comin' right up," Okie mumbled, his attention still wrapped around the
+crypterpreter. "Say, what is this gadget anyway?"
+
+"It is a cryp-terp-reter," Toryl beamed with pride. "It en-ables us to
+un-der-stand and speak your lan-guage."
+
+"Aw, go on!" Okie managed a fainthearted grin, uncertain of whether his
+leg was being pulled. "Come on now, tell me what it is."
+
+"But I have just told you, sir."
+
+The barkeep cursed under his breath. "Two gin rickeys, did you say?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+Okie brought the drinks.
+
+Sartan smiled broadly. "Thank you ex-ceed-ing-ly."
+
+"That'll be two-fifty."
+
+Toryl raised his glass as though making a toast. "Two-fif-ty!" he
+repeated.
+
+Okie caught his arm and brought the glass down.
+
+"Two-fifty!" the barkeep said with grim insistence.
+
+Sartan pursed his lips comprehendingly. He removed a large pentagonal
+piece of metal from his pocket and gave it to Okie.
+
+Okie took the piece between his fingers, examined it and frowned. "I
+give up. What is it?"
+
+Sartan had to glance at Toryl for an answer. Toryl threw a switch on the
+crypterpreter.
+
+"_Money_," Toryl silently advised him.
+
+"Money," said Sartan to Okie.
+
+"You guys hold on and don't drink up yet," growled the barkeep. He then
+yelled in the direction of the blackjack table. "Hey, Nugget! Get on
+over here, I need you!!"
+
+A wiry little man with a full, unkempt beard, hustled over to the bar.
+"Nugget McDermott at yer service, Okie! What's yer pleasure?" he asked
+with a sunny smile.
+
+"Take a look at this." Okie handed him the piece of metal.
+
+The old prospector turned it over in his hands, bit it and then held it
+in his palm as though to judge its weight. His expert opinion was, "It's
+gold, Okie," and was uttered without a shred of modesty.
+
+"Are you sure?"
+
+The old-timer was highly insulted. "Am I sure!! Why you lop-eared,
+sun-stroked jackass, of course I'm sure!!! Nugget McDermott is drawed to
+gold like nails to a magnet! Why when this here town was nothin' but a
+patch of cactus--"
+
+"All right, all right," Okie waved him off, "don't get your gander up!
+Go on back to the blackjack table and tell Sam to give you a drink on
+the house."
+
+"Much obliged, Okie, much obliged," said Nugget, doffing his hat and
+trotting back to the blackjack table.
+
+The barkeep's face was pure sunshine when he turned to the aliens again.
+"Gentlemen, with this kind of a substitute you don't need money in my
+place. Drink up!"
+
+"Thank you ex-ceed-ing-ly," said Sartan.
+
+Okie arbitrarily judged the gold piece to be worth ten dollars. "The
+management invites you to try your luck, gentlemen. Go on give it a
+whirl."
+
+Toryl and Sartan wore blank expressions as Okie slapped seven dollars
+and fifty cents change on the bar--four silver dollars, four
+half-dollars and six quarters.
+
+"Don't be bashful, gentlemen. Okie's machines are friendly to one and
+all," said the barkeep.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Toryl removed the change and gave his companion two silver dollars, two
+half-dollars and three quarters.
+
+"_What is the purpose of the machines?_" thought Sartan as they
+approached the one-armed bandits.
+
+"_I suppose that is what the one called Okie wishes us to learn._"
+
+"_Perhaps it is some type of registration machine._"
+
+"_It is doubtful. The gentleman you disturbed has been at the same
+machine since we arrived._"
+
+Sartan gripped the handle of a vacant machine. "_Do you think it might
+be a kind of intelligence test?_"
+
+In lieu of an answer Toryl focused his attention on a small card, above
+the machine, which gave the winning combinations.
+
+"_There is that term again._"
+
+"_What term?_"
+
+"_Gambling._" Toryl pointed to a line on the card warning minors not to
+gamble. A look of perplexity fell upon his face. "_I am no longer sure
+the term has anything to do with fraternizing_," he observed mentally.
+
+"_Let us find out._"
+
+Sartan placed a quarter in the coin slot. The three little wheels went
+spinning. Cherry. Lemon. Lemon.
+
+Nothing.
+
+Toryl and Sartan looked at each other, their faces blanker than ever.
+
+"_Try it again._"
+
+Sartan disposed of another quarter. They waited. Lemon. Plum. Plum.
+
+Nothing.
+
+Toryl inspected the machine from every angle, like a man on the outside
+trying to figure a way in. "_Let me try it._"
+
+He put a quarter in the slot.
+
+Three lemons.
+
+"_It isn't very interesting, is it?_" thought Sartan.
+
+"_Why don't we try the larger pieces?_"
+
+"_A splendid idea, Brother._"
+
+The larger coins did not fit. Toryl proceeded to report this sad state
+of affairs to Okie and was amazed when, for the eight large coins, Okie
+rewarded him with twenty-four smaller ones. He went back to his
+companion at the one-armed bandit.
+
+They then dropped twenty consecutive quarters into the appropriately
+named machine without getting so much as a single quarter in return.
+
+"_It is puzzling, is it not, Brother?_"
+
+"_Yes, Sartan. From all indications it would seem to be a machine
+totally without purpose._"
+
+"_It does consume money._"
+
+"_But why would one build a machine whose sole purpose is to consume
+money?_"
+
+Sartan gave it some hard thought. "_I don't know!_"
+
+"_Remarkable!_" Toryl concluded. "_But nothing is done without a
+purpose._"
+
+"_Obviously we've found something that is._"
+
+"_No, I do not believe that. Let me have the electro-analyzer._"
+
+ * * * * *
+
+The aliens were so engrossed in their problem as to be unaware that Okie
+and two men at the bar were casting suspicious eyes on them.
+
+Sartan fished around in his pocket and produced a small object in the
+shape of an irregular triangle. Toryl took the electro-analyzer from
+him, removed the cover and moved his finger around inside. He replaced
+the cover and slapped the electro-analyzer against the side of the
+one-armed bandit. When he took his hand away the small object stuck to
+the machine like a leech.
+
+Okie scratched his head and addressed one of the two men at the bar.
+"What the hell you suppose they're doin', Sam? What's that gadget for?"
+
+"Search me," replied Sam, a well dressed, stoop-shouldered gent, "but if
+you want my opinion it doesn't look legal."
+
+"Hey, Nugget!" yelled the barkeep.
+
+Again the little old prospector hustled himself over to the bar.
+
+"Nugget McDermott at your service! What'll it be, Okie?"
+
+"Go on over and get the sheriff. Tell him there's two queer characters
+here trying to jimmy one of my machines in broad daylight."
+
+The old man's feet kicked up sawdust as he scampered out the door. Okie
+kept his attention riveted to the two aliens.
+
+Toryl was busy adjusting the electro-analyzer to the best possible
+position.
+
+"_What if it does not respond to this machine?_" Sartan wanted to know.
+
+"_I do not think the machine contains any type of metal with which we
+are unfamiliar. We will have a reading in one minute._"
+
+The aliens took a step backward and waited.
+
+A sudden noise, like that of a television tube exploding, jolted
+everyone in the room, including Toryl and Sartan. The blackjack table
+emptied. Gamblers left their machines. A semi-circle of the curious
+formed around the two aliens. Okie lit out from behind the bar and
+elbowed his way through the crowd.
+
+The aliens' concentration was unbroken by the attention they had
+aroused. With all the single mindedness of religious fanatics they
+continued to observe the strange mechanical device.
+
+Okie was dumbfounded to find the machine still in one piece and doubly
+dumbfounded to discover it was behaving in a most unconventional manner.
+It was emitting a low steady gurgling sound and an occasional sputter or
+burp. The legs of the machine seemed unsteady. Its body shifted back and
+forth in herky-jerky motions like an old-fashioned washing machine. The
+three little Bell Fruit wheels were spinning at the speed of an airplane
+propellor. Okie thought they might never stop again.
+
+"What the hell are you crazy galoots doing to my machine!" he bellowed.
+
+Before the aliens could answer there was another explosive sound,
+causing the crowd to jump back several steps. Quarters fell from the
+mouth of the machine, slowly at first, then at an alarming rate. The
+coins fell, bounced and rolled all over the floor. The crowd gulped with
+fascination.
+
+"Holy catfish!" said one of the men, "how long since that blasted
+thing's paid off?"
+
+"Looks like this is the first time," said one of the others.
+
+"You guys keep quiet!" yelled Okie.
+
+The coins continued to fall for what seemed like a record time. The
+crowd was spellbound. Okie watched in silent fury.
+
+And the aliens were more confused than they had been when the machine
+_wasn't_ paying off.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+The one-armed bandit finally coughed out its last quarter. The three
+Bell Fruit wheels came to an abrupt halt, as though an inner spring had
+snapped. The machine broke down. Certain observers later reported that
+the poor thing actually _looked_ exhausted.
+
+The sheriff burst in the door with Nugget McDermott close behind.
+
+"Sheriff, I want you to arrest these two tinhorns!" cried Okie.
+
+"Tinhorns??" Sartan's face was creased with bewilderment.
+
+"What's wrong, Okie?" asked the sheriff.
+
+"Take a look for yourself! These two bugged my machine and then broke it
+down! Look at that money all over the floor!"
+
+Toryl smiled. "We meant no harm, sir--"
+
+"The hell you didn't mean no harm! You were out to rob me!"
+
+"We were only ex-per-i-ment-ing--"
+
+"There's their crooked experimenting right there!" said Okie, pointing a
+finger at the deactivated one-armed bandit. "I want them locked up until
+that machine's paid for!"
+
+"All right," said the sheriff, "you two better come with me."
+
+"But, sir," Sartan protested, "we merely wanted to know how the machine
+functioned. You see, we are from Capella and--"
+
+"Capella!" exclaimed the sheriff. "Where is that? I never heard of the
+place."
+
+"Well, it is not a part of your Earth."
+
+"Oh, well why didn't you say so before!" The sheriff winked at the
+crowd. "You mean you boys are from out of this world?"
+
+"That is correct," Sartan grinned proudly.
+
+"Well, well! That makes a big difference!" The sheriff turned to the
+crowd. "All right, boys, grab them and hustle them over to the jail
+house!"
+
+ * * * * *
+
+A group of men slowly closed in on the two aliens.
+
+Toryl and Sartan backed away toward the wall.
+
+"_I believe they are angry, Brother_," thought Sartan.
+
+"_But why?_" inquired Toryl.
+
+"_I do not know. Do you suppose the machine represented some form of
+religious deity?_"
+
+"_Exceed-ing-ly possible_," Toryl answered.
+
+As the men came closer Okie yelled, "Just get them two crackpots! I'll
+plug the first man that touches that money!"
+
+The men were diverted by Okie's warning. They didn't notice, until it
+was almost too late, that the two strangers were halfway out the door.
+
+"Get after them!!" the sheriff bellowed.
+
+The aliens ran as though their lives were at stake, which was true,
+following the same route they had taken into town.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+The crowd followed them as far as the edge of town. From there they
+hurled rocks.
+
+Toryl and Sartan continued to run at breakneck speed, praying they would
+reach the safety of the ship. Once they looked behind them and saw that
+the crowd of angry men had given up the chase.
+
+Halfway back to their ship they passed a sign, though they didn't bother
+to stop and read it.
+
+ YOU ARE NOW LEAVING
+ JUBILATION, U.S.A.!!
+
+ The doggondest, cheeriest little
+ town in America! Come back soon!!
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note
+
+This etext was produced from _Amazing Science Fiction Stories_ March
+1959. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.
+copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and
+typographical errors have been corrected without note.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Jubilation, U.S.A., by G. L. Vandenburg
+
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