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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/21858-8.txt b/21858-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..be14f83 --- /dev/null +++ b/21858-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19150 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Daughters of Danaus, by Mona Caird + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Daughters of Danaus + +Author: Mona Caird + +Release Date: June 18, 2007 [EBook #21858] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DAUGHTERS OF DANAUS *** + + + + +Produced by Anne Storer, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + +[Transcriber's Note: This e-book was produced from a reprint of the +edition first published in 1894 in London by Bliss, Sands, and Foster. +Inconsistent spellings and hyphenations have been standardized. There +is one instance each of Cruachmore and Croachmore, so they have been +left as printed.] + + + + +_The Daughters of Danaus_ + +_Mona Caird_ + +1894 + + + * * * * * + +CONTENTS + + +_The Daughters of Danaus_ 1 + +Appendix: "Does Marriage Hinder a Woman's Self-development?" +by Mona Caird 535 + + * * * * * + + + + +THE DAUGHTERS OF DANAUS + +CHAPTER I. + + +It was only just light enough to discern the five human forms in the +dimness of the garret; the rays of the moon having to find their way +through the deep window-embrasures of the keep. Less illumination would +have sufficed to disclose the ancient character of the garret, with its +low ceiling, and the graduated mouldings of the cornice, giving the +effect of a shallow dome. The house stood obviously very high, for one +could see from the windows for miles over a bleak country, coldly lit by +the rays of the moon, which was almost at the full. Into the half light +stole presently the sound of some lively instrument: a reel tune played, +as it were, beneath one's breath, but with all the revel and rollicking +emphasis of that intoxicating primitive music. And then in correspondingly +low relief, but with no less emphasis, the occupants of this singular +ball-room began to dance. One might have fancied them some midnight +company of the dead, risen from their graves for this secret revelry, +so strange was the appearance of the moving figures, with the moonlight +catching, as they passed, the faces or the hands. They danced excellently +well, as to the manner born, tripping in and out among the shadows, with +occasional stamping, in time to the music, and now and again that wild +Celtic shout or cry that sets the nerves athrill. In spite of the whole +scene's being enacted in a low key, it seemed only to gain in intensity +from that circumstance, and in fantastic effect. + +Among the dancers was one who danced with peculiar spirit and brilliancy, +and her little cry had a ring and a wildness that never failed to set the +others going with new inspiration. + +She was a slight, dark-haired girl, with a pale, rather mysterious face, +and large eyes. Not a word was spoken, and the reel went on for nearly +ten minutes. At length the girl with the dark hair gave a final shout, +and broke away from the circle. + +With her desertion the dance flagged, and presently came to an end. The +first breaking of the silence gave a slight shock, in spite of the +subdued tones of the speaker. + +"It is no use trying to dance a reel without Hadria," said a tall youth, +evidently her brother, if one might judge from his almost southern +colouring and melancholy eyes. In build and feature he resembled the +elder sister, Algitha, who had all the characteristics of a fine +northern race. + +"Old Maggie said the other day, that Hadria's dancing of the reel was no +'right canny,'" Algitha observed, in the same low tone that all the +occupants of the garret instinctively adopted. + +"Ah!" cried Fred, "old Maggie has always looked upon Hadria as half +bewitched since that night when she found her here 'a wee bit bairn,' as +she says, at this very window, in her nightshirt, standing on tiptoe to +see the moonlight." + +"It frightened the poor old thing out of her wits, of course," said +Algitha, who was leaning with crossed arms, in a corner of the deep-set +window. The fine outlines of face and form were shewn in the strange +light, as in a boldly-executed sketch, without detail. Pride and +determination were the dominant qualities so indicated. Her sister +stood opposite, the moonshine making the smooth pallor of her face +more striking, and emphasizing its mysterious quality. + +The whole group of young faces, crowded together by the window, and lit +up by the unsympathetic light, had something characteristic and unusual +in its aspect, that might have excited curiosity. + +"Tell us the story of the garret, Hadria," said Austin, the youngest +brother, a handsome boy of twelve, with curling brown hair and blue +eyes. + +"Hadria has told it hundreds of times, and you know it as well as she +does." + +"But I want to hear it again--about the attack upon the keep, and the +shouting of the men, while the lady was up here starving to death." + +But Algitha shook her head. + +"We don't come up here to tell stories, we must get to business." + +"Will you have the candle, or can you see?" asked Fred, the second +brother, a couple of years younger than Hadria, whom he addressed. His +features were irregular; his short nose and twinkling grey eyes +suggesting a joyous and whimsical temperament. + +"I think I had better have the candle; my notes are very illegible." + +Fred drew forth a candle-end from his pocket, stuck it into a +quaint-looking stand of antique steel, much eaten with rust, and set the +candle-end alight. + +Algitha went into the next room and brought in a couple of chairs. Fred +followed her example till there were enough for the party. They all took +their places, and Hadria, who had been provided with a seat facing them, +and with a rickety wooden table that trembled responsively to her +slightest movement, laid down her notes and surveyed her audience. The +faces stood out strangely, in the lights and shadows of the garret. + +"Ladies and gentlemen," she began; "on the last occasion on which the +Preposterous Society held its meeting, we had the pleasure of listening +to an able lecture on 'Character' by our respected member Demogorgon" +(the speaker bowed to Ernest, and the audience applauded). "My address +to-night on 'Fate' is designed to contribute further ideas to this +fascinating subject, and to pursue the enquiry more curiously." + +The audience murmured approval. + +"We were left at loggerheads, at the end of the last debate. I doubted +Demogorgon's conclusion, while admiring his eloquence. To-night, I will +put before you the view exactly contrary to his. I do not assert that I +hold this contrary view, but I state it as well as I am able, because I +think that it has not been given due consideration." + +"This will be warm," Fred was heard to murmur with a chuckle, to an +adjacent sister. The speaker looked at her notes. + +"I will read," she said, "a passage from Emerson, which states very +strikingly the doctrine that I am going to oppose." + +Hadria held her paper aslant towards the candle-end, which threw a murky +yellow light upon the background of the garret, contrasting oddly with +the thin, clear moonbeams. + +"'But the soul contains the event that shall befall it, for the event is +only the actualization of its thoughts; and what we pray to ourselves +for is always granted. The event is the print of your form. It fits you +like your skin. What each does is proper to him. Events are the children +of his mind and body.'" + +Algitha leant forward. The members of the Preposterous Society settled +into attitudes of attention. + +Hadria said that this was a question that could not fail to be of +peculiar interest to them all, who had their lives before them, to make +or mar. It was an extremely difficult question, for it admitted of no +experiment. One could never go back in life and try another plan. One +could never make sure, by such a test, how much circumstance and how +much innate ideas had to do with one's disposition. Emerson insisted +that man makes his circumstance, and history seemed to support that +theory. How untoward had been, in appearance, the surroundings of those +who had made all the great movements and done all the great deeds of the +world. Let one consider the poverty, persecution, the incessant +discouragement, and often the tragic end of our greatest benefactors. +Christ was but one of the host of the crucified. In spite of the theory +which the lecturer had undertaken to champion, she believed that it was +generally those people who had difficult lives who did the beneficent +deeds, and generally those people who were encouraged and comfortable +who went to sleep, or actively dragged down what the thinkers and actors +had piled up. In great things and in small, such was the order of life. + +"Hear, hear," cried Ernest, "my particular thunder!" + +"Wait a minute," said the lecturer. "I am going to annihilate you with +your particular thunder." She paused for a moment, and her eyes rested +on the strange white landscape beyond the little group of faces upturned +towards her. + +"Roughly, we may say that people are divided into two orders: first, the +organizers, the able, those who build, who create cohesion, symmetry, +reason, economy; and, secondly, the destroyers, those who come wandering +idly by, and unfasten, undo, relax, disintegrate all that has been +effected by the force and vigilance of their betters. This distinction +is carried into even the most trivial things of life. Yet without that +organization and coherence, the existence of the destroyers themselves +would become a chaos and a misery." + +The oak table over which Hadria bent forward towards her audience, +appeared to be applauding this sentiment vigorously. It rocked to and +fro on the uneven floor with great clamour. + +"Thus," the speaker went on, "these relaxed and derivative people are +living on the strength of the strong. He who is strong must carry with +him, as a perpetual burden, a mass of such pensioners, who are scared +and shocked at his rude individuality; and if he should trip or stumble, +if he should lose his way in the untrodden paths, in seeking new truth +and a broader foundation for the lives of men, then a chorus of censure +goes up from millions of little throats." + +"Hear, hear!" cried Algitha and Fred, and the table rocked +enthusiastically. + +"But when the good things are gained for which the upholders have +striven and perhaps given their lives, then there are no more greedy +absorbers of the bounty than these same innumerable little throats." + +The table led the chorus of assent. + +"And now," said the lecturer slowly, "consider this in relation to the +point at issue. Emerson asserts that circumstance can always be conquered. +But is not circumstance, to a large extent, created by these destroyers, +as I have called them? Has not the strongest soul to count with these, +who weave the web of adverse conditions, whose dead weight has to be +carried, whose work of destruction has to be incessantly repaired? Who +can dare to say 'I am master of my fate,' when he does not know how large +may be the share of the general burden that will fall to him to drag +through life, how great may be the number of these parasites who are +living on the moral capital of their generation? Surely circumstance +consists largely in the inertia, the impenetrability of the destroyers." + +Ernest shewed signs of restiveness. He shuffled on his chair, made +muttered exclamations. + +"Presently," said the lecturer reassuringly. + +"Or put it in another way," she went on. "A man may make a +thing--circumstance included--but he is not a sort of moral spider; he +can't spin it out of his own inside. _He wants something to make it of._ +The formative force comes from within, but he must have material, just +as much as a sculptor must have his marble before he can shape his +statue. There is a subtle relation between character and conditions, and +it is this _relation_ that determines Fate. Fate is as the statue of +the sculptor." + +"That's where Hadria mainly differs from you," said Fred, "you make the +thing absolute; Hadria makes it a matter of relation." + +"Exactly," assented the lecturer, catching the remark. "Difficulties +need not be really obstructive to the best development of a character or +a power, nor a smooth path always favourable. Obstacles may be of a kind +to stimulate one person and to annihilate another. It is _not_ a +question of relative strength between character and circumstance, as +people are so fond of asserting. That is mere gibberish. It means nothing. +The two things cannot be compared, for they are not of the same nature. +They can't be reduced to a common denominator." + +Austin appreciated this illustration, being head of his class for +arithmetic. + +"We shall never be able to take a reasonable view of this question till +we get rid of that ridiculous phrase, '_If the soul is strong enough, it +can overcome circumstance._' In a room filled with carbonic acid instead +of ordinary air, a giant would succumb as quickly as a dwarf, and his +strength would avail him nothing. Indeed, if there is a difference, it +is in favour of the dwarf." + +Ernest frowned. This was all high treason against his favourite author. +He had given his sister a copy of Emerson's works last Christmas, in the +hope that her views might be enlightened, and _this_ was the disgraceful +use she made of it! + +"Finally," said Hadria, smiling defiantly at her brother, "let us put +the question shortly thus: Given (say) great artistic power, given also +a conscience and a strong will, is there any combination of circumstances +which might prevent the artistic power (assuming it to be of the highest +order and strength) from developing and displaying itself, so as to meet +with general recognition?" + +"No," asserted Ernest, and there was a hesitating chorus on his side. + +"There seem to me to be a thousand chances against it," Hadria +continued. "Artistic power, to begin with, is a sort of weakness in +relation to the everyday world, and so, in some respects, is a nice +conscience. I think Emerson is shockingly unjust. His beaming optimism +is a worship of success disguised under lofty terms. There is nothing +to prove that thousands have not been swamped by maladjustment of +character to circumstance, and I would even go so far as to suggest that +perhaps the very greatest of all are those whom the world has never +known, because the present conditions are inharmonious with the very +noblest and the very highest qualities." + +No sooner was the last word uttered than the garret became the scene of +the stormiest debate that had ever been recorded in the annals of the +Preposterous Society, an institution that had lately celebrated its +fifth anniversary. Hadria, fired by opposition, declared that the +success of great people was due not simply to their greatness, but to +some smaller and commoner quality which brought them in touch with the +majority, and so gave their greatness a chance. + +At this, there was such a howl of indignation that Algitha remonstrated. + +"We shall be heard, if you don't take care," she warned. + +"My dear Algitha, there are a dozen empty rooms between us and the +inhabited part of the house, not to mention the fact that we are a +storey above everyone except the ghosts, so I think you may compose +yourself." + +However, the excited voices were hushed a little as the discussion +continued. One of the chief charms of the institution, in the eyes of +the members of the Society, was its secrecy. The family, though united +by ties of warm affection to their parents, did not look for +encouragement from them in this direction. Mr. Fullerton was too +exclusively scientific in his bent of thought, to sympathize with the +kind of speculation in which his children delighted, while their mother +looked with mingled pride and alarm at these outbreaks of individuality +on the part of her daughters, for whom she craved the honours of the +social world. In this out-of-the-way district, society smiled upon +conformity, and glared vindictively at the faintest sign of spontaneous +thinking. Cleverness of execution, as in music, tennis, drawing, was +forgiven, even commended; but originality, though of the mildest sort, +created the same agonizing disturbance in the select circle, as the +sight of a crucifix is wont to produce upon the father of Evil. Yet by +some freak of fortune, the whole family at Dunaghee had shewn obstinate +symptoms of individuality from their childhood, and, what was more +distressing, the worst cases occurred in the girls. + +In the debate just recorded, that took place on Algitha's twenty-second +birthday, Ernest had been Hadria's principal opponent, but the others +had also taken the field against her. + +"You have the easier cause to champion," she said, when there was a +momentary lull, "for all your evidences can be pointed to and counted; +whereas mine, poor things--pale hypotheses, nameless peradventures--lie +in forgotten churchyards--unthought of, unthanked, untrumpeted, and all +their tragedy is lost in the everlasting silence." + +"You will never make people believe in what _might_ have been," said +Algitha. + +"I don't expect to." Hadria was standing by the window looking out over +the glimmering fields and the shrouded white hills. "Life is as white and +as unsympathetic as this," she said dreamily. "We just dance our reel in +our garret, and then it is all over; and whether we do the steps as our +fancy would have them, or a little otherwise, because of the uneven floor, +or tired feet, or for lack of chance to learn the steps--heavens and earth, +what does it matter?" + +"Hadria!" exclaimed an astonished chorus. + +The sentiment was so entirely unlike any that the ardent President of +the Society had ever been known to express before, that brothers and +sisters crowded up to enquire into the cause of the unusual mood. + +"Oh, it is only the moonlight that has got into my head," she said, +flinging back the cloudy black hair from her brow. + +Algitha's firm, clear voice vibrated through the room. + +"But I think it matters very much whether one's task is done well or +ill," she said, "and nobody has taught me to wish to make solid use of +my life so much as you have, Hadria. What possesses you to-night?" + +"I tell you, the moonlight." + +"And something else." + +"Well, it struck me, as I stood there with my head full of what we have +been discussing, that the conditions of a girl's life of our own class +are pleasant enough, but they are stifling, absolutely _stifling_; +and not all the Emersons in the world will convince me to the contrary. +Emerson never was a girl!" + +There was a laugh. + +"No; but he was a great man," said Ernest. + +"Then he must have had something of the girl in him!" cried Hadria. + +"I didn't mean that, but perhaps it is true." + +"If he had been a girl, he would have known that conditions _do_ count +hideously in one's life. I think that there are more 'destroyers' to be +carried about and pampered in this department of existence than in any +other (material conditions being equal)." + +"Do you mean that a girl would have more difficulty in bringing her +power to maturity and getting it recognized than a man would have?" +asked Fred. + +"Yes; the odds are too heavy." + +"A second-rate talent perhaps," Ernest admitted, "but not a really big +one." + +"I should exactly reverse that statement," said Hadria. "The greater the +power and the finer its quality, the greater the inharmony between the +nature and the conditions; therefore the more powerful the leverage +against it. A small comfortable talent might hold its own, where a +larger one would succumb. That is where I think you make your big +mistake, in forgetting that the greatness of the power may serve to +make the greatness of the obstacles." + +"So much the better for me then," said Algitha, with a touch of satire; +"for I have no idea of being beaten." She folded her arms in a serene +attitude of determination. + +"Surely it only wants a little force of will to enable you to occupy +your life in the manner you think best," said Ernest. + +"That is often impossible for a girl, because prejudice and custom are +against her." + +"But she ought to despise prejudice and custom," cried the brother, +nobly. + +"So she often would; but then she has to tear through so many living +ties that restrain her freedom." + +Algitha drew herself up. "If one is unjustly restrained," she said, "it +is perfectly right to brave the infliction of the sort of pain that +people feel only because they unfairly object to one's liberty of +action." + +"But what a frightful piece of circumstance _that_ is to encounter," +cried Hadria, "to have to buy the mere right to one's liberty by cutting +through prejudices that are twined in with the very heart-strings of +those one loves! Ah! _that_ particular obstacle has held many a +woman helpless and suffering, like some wretched insect pinned alive to +a board throughout a miserable lifetime! What would Emerson say to these +cases? That 'Nature magically suits the man to his fortunes by making +these the fruit of his character'? Pooh! I think Nature more often makes +a man's fortunes a veritable shirt of Nessus which burns and clings, and +finally kills him with anguish!" + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +Once more the old stronghold of Dunaghee, inured for centuries to the +changes of the elements, received the day's greeting. The hues of dawn +tinged the broad hill pastures, or "airds," as they were called, round +about the Tower of the Winds. No one was abroad yet in the silent lands, +except perhaps a shepherd, tending his flock. The little farmstead of +Craw Gill, that lay at a distance of about a couple of miles down the +valley, on the side of a ravine, was apparently dead asleep. Cruachmore, +the nearest upland farm, could scarcely be seen from the stronghold. The +old tower had been added to, perhaps two hundred years ago; a +rectangular block projecting from the corner of the original building, +and then a second erection at right angles to the first, so as to form +three sides of an irregular courtyard. This arrangement afforded some +shelter from the winds which seldom ceased to blow in these high +regions. The spot had borne the same reputation for centuries, as the +name of the old tower implied. + +The Tower of the Winds stood desolately, in the midst of a wide-eyed +agricultural country, and was approached only by a sort of farm track +that ran up hill and down dale, in a most erratic course, to the distant +main road. + +The country was not mountainous, though it lay in a northern district of +Scotland; it was bleak and solitary, with vast bare fields of grass or +corn; and below in the valley, a river that rushed sweeping over its +rough bed, silent where it ran deep, but chattering busily in the +shallows. Here was verdure to one's heart's content; the whole country +being a singular mixture of bleakness on the heights, and woodland +richness in the valleys; bitterly cold in the winter months, when the +light deserted the uplands ridiculously early in the afternoon, leaving +long mysterious hours that held the great silent stretches of field and +hill-side in shadow; a circumstance, which had, perhaps, not been +without its influence in the forming of Hadria's character. She, more +than the others, seemed to have absorbed the spirit of the northern +twilights. It was her custom to wander alone over the broad spaces of +the hills, watching the sun set behind them, the homeward flight of the +birds, the approach of darkness and the rising of the stars. Every +instinct that was born in her with her Celtic blood--which lurked still +in the family to the confounding of its fortunes--was fostered by the +mystery and wildness of her surroundings. + +Dawn and sunset had peculiar attractions for her. + +Although the Preposterous Society had not separated until unusually late +on the previous night, the President was up and abroad on this exquisite +morning, summoned by some "message of range and of sweep----" to the +flushing stretches of pasture and the windy hill-side. + +In spite of the view that Hadria had expounded in her capacity of +lecturer, she had an inner sense that somehow, after all, the will _can_ +perform astonishing feats in Fate's despite. Her intellect, rather than +her heart, had opposed the philosophy of Emerson. Her sentiment recoiled +from admitting the possibility of such tragedy as her expressed belief +implied. This morning, the wonder and the grandeur of the dawn supplied +arguments to faith. If the best in human nature were always to be hunted +down and extinguished, if the efforts to rise in the scale of being, to +bring gifts instead of merely absorbing benefits, were only by a rare +combination of chances to escape the doom of annihilation, where was one +to turn to for hope, or for a motive for effort? How could one reconcile +the marvellous beauty of the universe, the miracles of colour, form, +and, above all, of music, with such a chaotic moral condition, and such +unlovely laws in favour of dulness, cowardice, callousness, cruelty? One +aspired to be an upholder and not a destroyer, but if it were a useless +pain and a bootless venture----? + +Hadria tried to find some proof of the happier philosophy that would +satisfy her intellect, but it refused to be comforted. Yet as she +wandered in the rosy light over the awakening fields, her heart sang +within her. The world was exquisite, life was a rapture! + +She could take existence in her hands and form and fashion it at her +will, obviously, easily; her strength yearned for the task. + +Yet all the time, the importunate intellect kept insisting that feeling +was deceptive, that health and youth and the freshness of the morning +spoke in her, and not reason or experience. Feeling was left untouched +nevertheless. It was impossible to stifle the voices that prophesied +golden things. Life was all before her; she was full of vigour and +longing and good will; the world stretched forth as a fair territory, +with magical pathways leading up to dizzy mountain tops. With visions +such as these, the members of the Preposterous Society had fired their +imaginations, and gained impetus for their various efforts and their +various ambitions. + +Hadria had been among the most hopeful of the party, and had pointed to +the loftier visions, and the more impersonal aims. Circumstance must +give way, compromise was wrong; we had but a short time in this world, +and mere details and prejudices must not be allowed to interfere with +one's right to live to the utmost of one's scope. But it was easier to +state a law than to obey it; easier to inspire others with faith than to +hold fast to it oneself. + +The time for taking matters in one's own hands had scarcely come. A girl +was so helpless, so tied by custom. One could engage, so far, only in +guerilla warfare with the enemy, who lurked everywhere in ambush, ready +to harass the wayfarers with incessant petty attack. But life _must_ +have something more to offer than this--life with its myriad interests, +dramas, mysteries, arts, poetries, delights! + +By the river, where it had worn for itself a narrow ravine, with steep +rocky sides or "clints," as they were called, several short tunnels or +passages had been cut in places where the rock projected as far as the +bank of the river, which was followed in its windings by a narrow +footway, leading to the farmstead of Craw Gill. + +In one part, a series of such tunnels, with intervals of open pathway, +occurred in picturesque fashion, causing a singular effect of light and +shade. + +As Hadria stood admiring the glow of the now fully-risen sun, upon the +wall of rock that rose beyond the opening of the tunnel which she had +just passed through, she heard footsteps advancing along the riverside +path, and guessed that Algitha and Ernest had come to fetch her, or to +join in any absurd project that she might have in view. Although Algitha +was two-and-twenty, and Hadria only a year younger, they were still +guilty at times of wild escapades, with the connivance of their +brothers. Walks or rides at sunrise were ordinary occurrences in the +family, and in summer, bathing in the river was a favourite amusement. + +"I thought I recognised your footsteps," said Hadria, as the two figures +appeared at the mouth of the tunnel, the low rays of the sun lighting +them up, for a moment, as they turned the sharp bend of the narrow path, +before entering the shadow. + +A quantity of brown dead leaves were strewn upon the floor of the +rock-passage, blown in by the wind from the pathway at each end, or +perhaps through the opening in the middle of the tunnel that looked out +upon the rushing river. + +A willow-tree had found footing in the crevice of the rock just outside, +and its branches, thinly decked with pale yellow leaves, dipped into the +water just in front of the opening. When the wind blew off the river it +would sweep the leaves of the willow into the tunnel. + +"Let's make a bonfire," suggested Ernest. + +They collected the withered harvest of the winds upon the cavern floor, +in a big brown heap, and then Ernest struck a match and set light to it. +Algitha, in a large black cloak, stood over it with a hazel stick--like +a wand--stirring and heaping on the fuel, as the mass began to smoulder +and to send forth a thick white smoke that gradually filled the cavern, +curling up into the rocky roof and swirling round and out by the +square-cut mouth, to be caught there by the slight wind and illumined +by the sun, which poured down upon the soft coils of the smoke, in so +strange a fashion, as to call forth a cry of wonder from the onlookers. +Standing in the interval of open pathway between the two rock-passages, +and looking back at the fire lit cavern, with its black shadows and +flickering flame-colours, Hadria was bewildered by what appeared to her +a veritable magic vision, beautiful beyond anything that she had ever +met in dream. She stood still to watch, with a real momentary doubt as +to whether she were awake. + +The figures, stooping over the burning heap, moved occasionally across +the darkness, looking like a witch and her familiar spirit, who were +conjuring, by uncanny arts, a vision of life, on the strange, white, +clean-cut patch of smoke that was defined by the sunlit entrance to the +tunnel. The witch stirred, and her familiar added fuel, while behind +them the smoke, rising and curdling, formed the mysterious background +of light: opaque, and yet in a state of incessant movement, as of some +white raging fire, thinner and more deadly than any ordinary earthly +element, that seemed to sicken and flicker in the blast of a furnace, +and then rushed upwards, and coiled and rolled across the tunnel's +mouth. Presently, as a puff of wind swept away part of the smoke, a +miraculous tinge of rosy colour appeared, changing, as one caught it, +into gold, and presently to a milky blue, then liquid green, and a +thousand intermediate tints corresponding to the altering density of +the smoke--and then! Hadria caught her breath--the blue and the red +and the gold melted and moved and formed, under the incantation, into +a marvellous vision of distant lands, purple mountains, fair white +cities, and wide kingdoms, so many, so great, that the imagination +staggered at the vastness revealed, and offered, as it seemed, to him +who could grasp and perceive it. Among those blue deeps and faint +innumerable mountain-tops, caught through a soft mist that continually +moved and lifted, thinned and thickened, with changing tints, all the +secrets, all the hopes, all the powers and splendours, of life lay +hidden; and the beauty of the vision was as the essence of poetry and +of music--of all that is lovely in the world of art, and in the world of +the emotions. The question that had been debated so hotly and so often, +as to the relation of the good and the beautiful, art and ethics, seemed +to be answered by this bewildering revelation of sunlit smoke, playing +across the face of a purple-tinted rock, and a few feet of grass-edged +pathway. + +"Come and see what visions you have conjured up, O witch!" cried Hadria. + +Algitha gave a startled exclamation, as the smoke thinned and revealed +that bewildering glimpse of distant lands, half seen, as through the +atmosphere of a dream. An exquisite city, with slender towers and +temples, flashed, for a moment, through the mist curtain. + +"If life is like that," she said at length, drawing a long breath, +"nothing on this earth ought to persuade us to forego it; no one has the +right to hold one back from its possession." + +"No one," said Hadria; "but everyone will try!" + +"Let them try," returned Algitha defiantly. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Ernest and his two sisters walked homeward along the banks of the river, +and thence up by a winding path to the top of the cliffs. It was mild +weather, and they decided to pause in the little temple of classic +design, which some ancient owner of the Drumgarran estate, touched with +a desire for the exquisiteness of Greek outline, had built on a +promontory of the rocks, among rounded masses of wild foliage; a spot +that commanded one of the most beautiful reaches of the river. The scene +had something of classic perfection and serenity. + +"I admit," said Ernest in response to some remark of one of his sisters, +"I admit that I should not like to stay here during all the best years +of my life, without prospect of widening my experience; only as a matter +of fact, the world is somewhat different from anything that you imagine, +and by no means would you find it all beer and skittles. Your smoke and +sun-vision is not to be trusted." + +"But think of the pride and joy of being able to speak in that tone of +experience!" exclaimed Hadria mockingly. + +"One has to pay for experience," said Ernest, shaking his head and +ignoring her taunt. + +"I think one has to pay more heavily for _in_experience," she said. + +"Not if one never comes in contact with the world. Girls are protected +from the realities of life so long as they remain at home, and that is +worth something after all." + +Algitha snorted. "I don't know what you are pleased to call realities, +my dear Ernest, but I can assure you there are plenty of unpleasant +facts, in this protected life of ours." + +"Nobody can expect to escape unpleasant facts," said Ernest. + +"Then for heaven's sake, let us purchase with them something worth +having!" Hadria cried. + +"Hear, hear!" assented Algitha. + +"Unpleasant facts being a foregone conclusion," Hadria added, "the point +to aim at obviously is _interesting_ facts--and plenty of them." + +Ernest flicked a pebble off the parapet of the balustrade of the little +temple, and watched it fall, with a silent splash, into the river. + +"I never met girls before, who wanted to come out of their cotton-wool," +he observed. "I thought girls loved cotton-wool. They always seem to." + +"Girls _seem_ an astonishing number of things that they are not," +said Hadria, "especially to men. A poor benighted man might as well try +to get on to confidential terms with the Sphinx, as to learn the real +thoughts and wishes of a girl." + +"You two are exceptional, you see," said Ernest. + +"Oh, _everybody's_ exceptional, if you only knew it!" exclaimed his +sister. "Girls;" she went on to assert, "are stuffed with certain +stereotyped sentiments from their infancy, and when that painful process +is completed, intelligent philosophers come and smile upon the victims, +and point to them as proofs of the intentions of Nature regarding our +sex, admirable examples of the unvarying instincts of the feminine +creature. In fact," Hadria added with a laugh, "it's as if the trainer +of that troop of performing poodles that we saw, the other day, at +Ballochcoil, were to assure the spectators that the amiable animals were +inspired, from birth, by a heaven-implanted yearning to jump through +hoops, and walk about on their hind legs----" + +"But there _are_ such things as natural instincts," said Ernest. + +"There _are_ such things as acquired tricks," returned Hadria. + +A loud shout, accompanied by the barking of several dogs, announced the +approach of the two younger boys. Boys and dogs had been taking their +morning bath in the river. + +"You have broken in upon a most interesting discourse," said Ernest. +"Hadria was really coming out." + +This led to a general uproar. + +When peace was restored, the conversation went on in desultory fashion. +Ernest and Hadria fell apart into a more serious talk. These two had +always been "chums," from the time when they used to play at building +houses of bricks on the nursery floor. There was deep and true affection +between them. + +The day broke into splendour, and the warm rays, rounding the edge of +the eastward rock, poured straight into the little temple. Below and +around on the cliff-sides, the rich foliage of holly and dwarf oak, ivy, +and rowan with its burning berries, was transformed into a mass of warm +colour and shining surfaces. + +"What always bewilders me," Hadria said, bending over the balustrade +among the ivy, "is the enormous gulf between what _might be_ and what +_is_ in human life. Look at the world--life's most sumptuous stage--and +look at life! The one, splendid, exquisite, varied, generous, rich +beyond description; the other, poor, thin, dull, monotonous, niggard, +distressful--is that necessary?" + +"But all lives are not like that," objected Fred. + +"I speak only from my own narrow experience," said Hadria. + +"Oh, she is thinking, as usual, of that unfortunate Mrs. Gordon!" cried +Ernest. + +"Of her, and the rest of the average, typical sort of people that I +know," Hadria admitted. "I wish to heaven I had a wider knowledge to +speak from." + +"If one is to believe what one hears and reads," said Algitha, "life +must be full of sorrow indeed." + +"But putting aside the big sorrows," said her sister, "the ordinary +every day existence that would be called prosperous, seems to me to be +dull and stupid to a tragic extent." + +"The Gordons of Drumgarran once more! I confess I can't see anything +particularly tragic there," observed Fred, whose memory recalled troops +of stalwart young persons in flannels, engaged for hours, in sending a +ball from one side of a net to the other. + +"It is more than tragic; it is disgusting!" cried Hadria with a shiver. +Algitha drew herself together. She turned to her eldest brother. + +"Look here, Ernest; you said just now that girls were shielded from the +realities of life. Yet Mrs. Gordon was handed over by her protectors, +when she was little more than a school-girl, without knowledge, without +any sort of resource or power of facing destiny, to--well, to the +hateful realities of the life that she has led now for over twenty +years. There is nothing to win general sympathy in this case, for Mr. +Gordon is good and kind; but oh, think of the existence that a +'protected,' carefully brought-up girl may be launched into, before she +knows what she is pledged to, or what her ideas of life may be! If +_that_ is what you call protection, for heaven's sake let us remain +defenceless." + +Fred and Ernest accused their elder sister of having been converted by +Hadria. Algitha, honest and courageous in big things and in small, at +once acknowledged the source of her ideas. Not so long ago, Algitha had +differed from the daughters of the neighbouring houses, rather in force +of character than in sentiment. + +She had followed the usual aims with unusual success, giving unalloyed +satisfaction to her proud mother. Algitha had taken it as a matter of +course that she would some day marry, and have a house of her own to +reign in. A home, not a husband, was the important matter, and Algitha +had trusted to her attractions to make a good marriage; that is, to +obtain extensive regions for her activities. She craved a roomy stage +for her drama, and obviously there was only one method of obtaining it, +and even that method was but dubious. But Hadria had undermined this +matter of fact, take-things-as-you-find-them view, and set her sister's +pride on the track. That master-passion once aroused in the new +direction, Algitha was ready to defend her dignity as a woman, and as a +human being, to the death. Hadria felt as a magician might feel, who has +conjured up spirits henceforth beyond his control; for obviously, her +sister's whole life would be altered by this change of sentiment, and, +alas, her mother's hopes must be disappointed. The laird of Clarenoc--a +fine property, of which Algitha might have been mistress--had received +polite discouragement, much to his surprise and that of the +neighbourhood. Even Ernest, who was by no means worldly, questioned the +wisdom of his sister's decision; for the laird of Clarenoc was a good +fellow, and after all, let them talk as they liked, what was to become +of a girl unless she married? This morning's conversation therefore +touched closely on burning topics. + +"Mrs. Gordon's people meant it for the best, I suppose," Ernest +observed, "when they married her to a good man with a fine property." + +"That is just the ghastly part of it!" cried Hadria; "from ferocious +enemies a girl might defend herself, but what is she to do against the +united efforts of devoted friends?" + +"I don't suppose Mrs. Gordon is aware that she is so ill-used!" + +"Another gruesome circumstance!" cried Hadria, with a half laugh; "for +that only proves that her life has dulled her self-respect, and +destroyed her pride." + +"But, my dear, every woman is in the same predicament, if predicament it +be!" + +"What a consolation!" Hadria exclaimed, "_all_ the foxes have lost +their tails!" + +"It may be illogical, but people generally are immensely comforted by +that circumstance." + +The conversation waxed warmer and more personal. Fred took a +conservative view of the question. He thought that there were instincts +implanted by Nature, which inspired Mrs. Gordon with a yearning for +exactly the sort of existence that fate had assigned to her. Algitha, +who had been the recipient of that lady's tragic confidences, broke into +a shout of laughter. + +"Well, Harold Wilkins says----" + +This name was also greeted with a yell of derision. + +"I don't see why you girls always scoff so at Harold Wilkins," said +Fred, slightly aggrieved, "he is generally thought a lot of by girls. +All Mrs. Gordon's sisters adore him." + +"He needs no further worshippers," said Hadria. + +Fred was asked to repeat the words of Harold Wilkins, but to soften them +down if too severe. + +"He laughs at your pet ideas," said Fred ruthlessly. + +"Break it gently, Fred, gently." + +"He thinks that a true woman esteems it her highest privilege to--well, +to be like Mrs. Gordon." + +"Wise and learned youth!" cried Hadria, resting her chin on her hand, +and peering up into the blue sky, above the temple. + +"_Fool!_" exclaimed Algitha. + +"He says," continued Fred, determined not to spare those who were so +overbearing in their scorn, "he says that girls who have ideas like +yours will never get any fellow to marry them." + +Laughter loud and long greeted this announcement. + +"Laughter," observed Fred, when he could make himself heard, "is among +the simplest forms of argument. Does this merry outburst imply that you +don't care a button whether you are able to get some one to marry you or +not?" + +"It does," said Algitha. + +"Well, so I said to Wilkins, as a matter of fact, with my nose in the air, +on your behalf, and Wilkins replied, 'Oh, it's all very well while girls +are young and good-looking to be so high and mighty, but some day, when +they are left out in the cold, and all their friends married, they may +sing a different tune.' Feeling there was something in this remark," +Fred continued, "I raised my nose two inches higher, and adopted the +argument that _I_ also resort to _in extremis_. I laughed. +'Well, my dear fellow,' Wilkins observed calmly, 'I mean no offence, but +what on earth is a girl to do with herself if she _doesn't_ marry?'" + +"What did you reply?" asked Ernest with curiosity. + +"Oh, I said that was an unimportant detail, and changed the subject." + +Algitha was still scornful, but Hadria looked meditative. + +"Harold Wilkins has a practical mind," she observed. "After all, he is +right, when you come to consider it." + +"_Hadria!_" remonstrated her sister, in dismay. + +"We may as well be candid," said Hadria. "There _is_ uncommonly little +that a girl can do (or rather that people will let her do) unless she +marries, and that is why she so often does marry as a mere matter of +business. But I wish Harold Wilkins would remember that fact, instead of +insisting that it is our inherent and particular nature that urges us, +one and all, to the career of Mrs. Gordon." + +Algitha was obviously growing more and more ruffled. Fred tried in vain +to soothe her feelings. He joked, but she refused to see the point. She +would not admit that Harold Wilkins had facts on his side. + +"If one simply made up one's mind to walk through all the hampering +circumstances, who or what could stop one?" she asked. + +"Algitha has evidently got some desperate plan in her head for making +mincemeat of circumstances," cried Fred, little guessing that he had +stated the exact truth. + +"Do you remember that Mrs. Gordon herself waged a losing battle in early +days, incredible as it may appear?" asked Hadria. + +Algitha nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on the ground. + +"She did not originally set out with the idea of being a sort of amiable +cow. She once aspired to be quite human; she really did, poor thing!" + +"Then why didn't she do it?" asked Algitha contemptuously. + +"Instead of _doing_ a thing, she had to be perpetually struggling for +the chance to do it, which she never achieved, and so she was submerged. +That seems to be the fatality in a woman's life." + +"Well, there is one thing I am very sure of," announced Algitha, leaning +majestically against a column of the temple, and looking like a +beautiful Greek maiden, in her simple gown, "I do not intend to be a +cow. I do not mean to fight a losing battle. I will not wait at home +meekly, till some fool holds out his sceptre to me." + +All eyes turned to her, in astonishment. + +"But what are you going to do?" asked a chorus of voices. Hadria's was +not among them, for she knew what was coming. The debate of last night, +and this morning's discussion, had evidently brought to a climax a +project that Algitha had long had in her mind, but had hesitated to +carry out, on account of the distress that it would cause to her mother. +Algitha's eyes glittered, and her colour rose. + +"I am not going to be hawked about the county till I am disposed of. It +does not console me in the least, that _all_ the foxes are without +tails," she went on, taking short cuts to her meaning, in her +excitement. "I am going to London with Mrs. Trevelyan, to help her in +her work." + +"By _Jove_!" exclaimed Fred. Ernest whistled. Austin stared, with +open mouth. + +Having recovered from the first shock of surprise, the family plied +their sister with questions. She said that she had long been thinking of +accepting the post offered her by Mrs. Trevelyan last year, and now she +was resolved. The work was really wise, useful work among the poor, +which Algitha felt she could do well. At home, there was nothing that +she did that the housekeeper could not do better. She felt herself +fretting and growing irritable, for mere want of some active employment. +This was utterly absurd, in an overworked world. Hadria had her music +and her study, at any rate, but Algitha had nothing that seemed worth +doing; she did not care to paint indifferently on china; she was a mere +encumbrance--a destroyer, as Hadria put it--while there was so much, so +very much, that waited to be done. The younger sister made no comment. + +"Next time I meet Harold Wilkins," said Fred, drawing a long breath, "I +will tell him that if a girl does not marry, she can devote herself to +the poor." + +"Or that she can remain to be the family consolation, eh, Hadria? By +Jove, what a row there will be!" + +The notion of Hadria in the capacity of the family consolation, created +a shout of laughter. It had always been her function to upset foregone +conclusions, overturn orthodox views, and generally disturb the +conformity of the family attitude. Now the sedate and established +qualities would be expected of her. Hadria must be the stay and hope +of the house! + +Fred continued to chuckle, at intervals, over the idea. + +"It _does_ seem to indicate rather a broken-down family!" said Ernest. + +"I wish one of you boys would undertake the position instead of laughing +at _me_," exclaimed Hadria in mock resentment. "I wish _you_ would go to +eternal tennis-parties, and pay calls, and bills, and write notes, and +do little useless necessary things, more or less all day. I wish _you_ +had before you the choice between that existence and the career of Mrs. +Gordon, with the sole chance of escape from either fate, in ruthlessly +trampling upon the bleeding hearts of two beloved parents!" + +"Thank you kindly," said Fred, "but we infinitely prefer to laugh at you." + +"Man's eternal reply to woman, admirably paraphrased!" commented Hadria. + +Everyone was anxious to know when Algitha intended to go to London. +Nobody doubted for a moment that she would hold to her purpose; as Fred +said, she was so "beastly obstinate." + +Algitha had not fixed any time. It would depend on her mother. She +wished to make things as little painful as possible. That it was her +duty to spare her pain altogether by remaining at home, Algitha refused +to admit. She and Hadria had thought out the question from all sides. +The work she was going to do was useful, but she did not justify herself +on that ground. She claimed the right to her life and her liberty, apart +from what she intended to do with either. She owed it to her own +conscience alone to make good use of her liberty. "I don't want to pose +as a philanthropist," she added, "though I honestly do desire to be of +service. I want to spread my wings. And why should I not? Nobody turns +pale when Ernest wants to spread _his_. How do I know what life is like, +or how best to use it, if I remain satisfied with my present ignorance? +How can I even appreciate what I possess, if I have nothing to compare +it with? Of course, the truly nice and womanly thing to do, is to remain +at home, waiting to be married. I have elected to be _un_womanly." + +"I wonder how all this will turn out," said Ernest, "whether you won't +regret it some day when it is too late." + +"Don't people _always_ regret what they do--some day?" asked Hadria. + +"Perhaps so, especially if they do it sooner than other people." + +"When are you going to make the announcement at head quarters?" asked +Fred. + +There was a pause. The colour had left Algitha's cheeks. She answered at +length with an effort-- + +"I shall speak to mother to-day." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +Mrs. Fullerton had gone to the study, to consult with her husband on +some matter of domestic importance. It was a long, low-pitched room, +situated in the part of the house that stood at right angles to the +central block, with long, narrow windows looking on to a rough orchard. +A few old portraits, very yellow and somewhat grotesque, hung on the +walls; a wood fire burnt on the hob-grate, and beside it stood a vast +arm chair, considerably worn, with depressions shewing where its owner +had been leaning his head, day after day, when he smoked his pipe, or +took his after-dinner nap. The bookshelves were stocked with scientific +works, and some volumes on philosophy of a materialistic character. With +the exception of Robert Burns, not one poet was represented. + +The owner of the house sat before a big writing-table, which was covered +with papers. His face was that of a hard thinker; the head was fine in +form, the forehead broad and high; the features regular, almost severe. +The severity was softened by a genial expression. Mrs. Fullerton, though +also obviously above the average of humanity, shewed signs of incomplete +development. The shape of the head and brow promised many faculties that +the expression of the face did not encourage one to expect. She was +finely built; and carried herself with dignity. When her daughters +accompanied her on a round of calls in the neighbourhood, they expressed +a certain quality in her appearance, in rough and ready terms: "Other +married women always look such fools beside mother!" + +And they did. + +Mrs. Fullerton wore her fine black hair brushed neatly over her +forehead; her eyes were large, and keen in expression. The mouth shewed +determination. It was easy to see that this lady had unbounded belief in +her husband's wisdom, except in social matters, for which he cared +nothing. On that point she had to keep her ambitions to herself. In +questions of philosophy, she had imbibed his tenets unmodified, and +though she went regularly every Sunday to the close little Scottish +church at Ballochcoil, she had no more respect than her husband had, +for the doctrines that were preached there. + +"No doubt it is all superstition and nonsense," she used to say, "but in +this country, one can't afford to fly in the face of prejudice. It would +seriously tell against the girls." + +"Well, have your own way," Mr. Fullerton would reply, "but I can't see +the use of always bothering about what people will think. What more do +the girls want than a good home and plenty of lawn-tennis? They'll get +husbands fast enough, without your asphyxiating yourself every Sunday +in their interests." + +In her youth, Mrs. Fullerton had shewn signs of qualities which had +since been submerged. Her husband had influenced her development +profoundly, to the apparent stifling of every native tendency. A few +volumes of poetry, and other works of imagination, bore testimony to +the lost sides of her nature. + +Mr. Fullerton thought imagination "all nonsense," and his wife had no +doubt he was right, though there was something to be said for one or two +of the poets. The buried impulses had broken out, like a half-smothered +flame, in her children, especially in her younger daughter. Singularly +enough, the mother regarded these qualities, partly inherited from +herself, as erratic and annoying. The memory of her own youth taught her +no sympathy. + +It was a benumbed sort of life that she led, in her picturesque old +home, whose charm she perceived but dimly with the remnants of her lost +aptitudes. + +"Picturesque!" Mr. Fullerton used to cry with a snort; "why not say +'unhealthy' and be done with it?" + +From these native elements of character, modified in so singular a +fashion in the mother's life, the children of this pair had drawn +certain of their peculiarities. The inborn strength and authenticity +of the parents had transmuted itself, in the younger generation, to a +spirit of free enquiry, and an audacity of thought which boded ill for +Mrs. Fullerton's ambitions. The talent in her daughters, from which she +had hoped so much, seemed likely to prove a most dangerous obstacle to +their success. Why was it that clever people were never sensible? + +The gong sounded for luncheon. Austin put his head in at the door of the +study, to ask if his father would shew him a drop of ditch-water through +the microscope, in the afternoon. + +"If you will provide the ditch-water, I will provide the microscope," +promised Mr. Fullerton genially. + +Luncheon, usually a merry meal at Dunaghee, passed off silently. There +was a sense of oppression in the air. Algitha and her sister made +spasmodic remarks, and there were long pauses. The conversation was +chiefly sustained by the parents and the ever-talkative Fred. + +The latter had some anecdotes to tell of the ravages made by wasps. + +"If Buchanan would only adopt my plan of destroying them," said Mr. +Fullerton, "we should soon get rid of the pest." + +"It's some chemical, isn't it?" asked Mrs. Fullerton. + +"Oh, no; that's no use at all! Wasps positively enjoy chemicals. What +you do is this----." And then followed a long and minute explanation of +his plan, which had the merit of extreme originality. + +Mr. Fullerton had his own particular way of doing everything, a piece +of presumption which was naturally resented, with proper spirit, by his +neighbours. He found it an expensive luxury. In the management of the +estate, he had outraged the feelings of every landlord and land-agent +within a radius of many miles, but he gained the affection of his +tenants, and this he seemed to value more than the approval of his +fellow-proprietors. In theory, he stuck out for his privileges; in +practice, he was the friend and brother of the poorest on the estate. In +his mode of farming he was as eccentric as in his method of management. +He had taken Croachmore into his own hands, and this devoted farm had +become the subject of a series of drastic scientific experiments, to the +great grief and indignation of his bailiff. + +Mrs. Fullerton believed implicitly in the value of these experiments, +and so long as her husband tried science only on the farm she had no +misgivings; but, alas, he had lately taken shares in some company, that +was to revolutionize agriculture through an ingenious contrivance for +collecting nitrogen from the atmosphere. Mr. Fullerton was confident +that the new method was to be a gigantic success. But on this point, +his wife uneasily shook her head. She had even tried to persuade Mr. +Fullerton to rid himself of his liability. It was so great, she argued, +and why should one be made anxious? But her husband assured her that she +didn't understand anything about it; women ought not to meddle in +business matters; it was a stupendous discovery, sure to make the +fortunes of the original shareholders. + +"When once the prejudice against a new thing has been got over," said +the man of science, "you will see----the thing will go like wild-fire." + +Many years afterwards, these words were remembered by Mrs. Fullerton, +and she bitterly regretted that she had not urged the matter more +strenuously. + +"Well, Algitha," said her father, wondering at her silence, "how are the +roses getting on? And I hope you have not forgotten the sweet-brier that +you promised to grow for me." + +"Oh, no, father, the sweet-brier has been ordered," returned Algitha, +without her usual brightness of manner. + +"Have you a headache?" enquired Mrs. Fullerton. "I hope you have not all +been sitting up talking in Hadria's room, as you are too fond of doing. +You have the whole day in which to express your ideas, and I think you +might let the remainder wait over till morning." + +"We _were_ rather late last night," Algitha confessed. + +"Pressure of ideas overpowering," added Fred. + +"When _I_ was young, ideas would never have been tolerated in young +people for a moment," said Mrs. Fullerton, "it would have been considered +a mark of ill-breeding. You may think yourselves lucky to be born at this +end of the century, instead of the other." + +"Indeed we do!" exclaimed Ernest. "It's getting jolly interesting!" + +"In some respects, no doubt we have advanced," observed his mother, "but +I confess I don't understand all your modern notions. Everybody seems to +be getting discontented. The poor want to be rich, and the rich want to +be millionaires; men want to do their master's work, and women want to +do men's; everything is topsy-turvy!" + +"The question is: What constitutes being right side up?" said Ernest. +"One can't exactly say what is topsy-turvy till one knows _that_." + +"When I was young we thought we _did_ know," said Mrs. Fullerton, +"but no doubt we are old-fashioned." + +When luncheon was over, Mr. Fullerton went to the garden with his +family, according to a time-honoured custom. His love of flowers +sometimes made Hadria wonder whether her father also had been born with +certain instincts, which the accidents of life had stifled or failed to +develop. Terrible was the tyranny of circumstance! What had Emerson been +dreaming of? + +Mr. Fullerton, with a rose-bud in his button-hole, went off with the +boys for a farming walk. Mrs. Fullerton returned to the house, and the +sisters were left pacing together in the sheltered old garden, between +two rows of gorgeous autumn flowers. + +Hadria felt sick with dread of the coming interview. + +Algitha was buoyed up, for the moment, by a strong conviction that she +was in the right. + +"It can't be fair even for parents to order one's whole life according +to their pleasure," she said. "Other girls submit, I know----" + +"And so the world is full of abortive, ambiguous beings, fit for +nothing. The average woman always seem to me to be _muffled_----or +morbid." + +"That's what _I_ should become if I pottered about here much longer," +said Algitha--"morbid; and if there is one thing on the face of the +earth that I loathe, it is morbidness." + +Both sisters were instinctively trying to buttress up Algitha's courage, +by strengthening her position with additional arguments. + +"Is it fair," Hadria asked, "to summon children into the world, and then +run up bills against them for future payment? Why should one not see the +bearings of the matter?" + +"In theory one can see them clearly enough; but it is poor comfort when +it comes to practice." + +"Oh, seeing the bearings of things is _always_ poor comfort!" exclaimed +the younger sister, with sudden vehemence. "Upon my word, I think it is +better, after all, to absorb indiscriminately whatever idiotcy may +happen to be around one, and go with the crowd." + +"Nonsense!" cried Algitha, who had no sympathy with these passionate +discouragements that alternated, in Hadria, with equally passionate +exaltations. + +"When you have gone, I will ask Mrs. Gordon to teach me the spirit of +acquiescence, and one of those distracting games--bésique or halma, or +some of the other infernal pastimes that heaven decrees for recalcitrant +spirits in need of crushing discipline." + +"I think I see you!" Algitha exclaimed with a dispirited laugh. + +"It will be a trial," Hadria admitted; "but it is said that suffering +strengthens the character. You may look forward before long, to claiming +as sister a creature of iron purpose." + +"I wonder, I wonder," cried Algitha, bending her fine head; "we owe +everything to her." + +"I know we do. It's of no use disguising the unpleasant side of the +matter. A mother disappointed in her children must be a desperately +unhappy woman. She has nothing left; for has she not resigned everything +for them? But is sacrifice for ever to follow on sacrifice? Is life to +go rolling after life, like the cheeses that the idiot in the fable sent +running downhill, the one to fetch the other back?" + +"Yes, for ever," said Algitha, "until a few dare to break through the +tradition, and then everyone will wonder at its folly. If only I could +talk the matter over, in a friendly spirit, with mother, but she won't +let me. Ah! if it were not that one is born with feelings and energies +and ambitions of one's own, parents might treat one as a showman treats +his marionettes, and we should all be charmed to lie prone on our backs, +or to dance as may be convenient to our creators. But, as it is, the +life of a marionette--however affectionate the wire-pullers--does become +monotonous after a time." + +"As to that," said the younger sister, with a little raising of the +brows, as if half shrinking from what she meant to say, "I think most +parents regard their children with such favourable eyes, not so much +because they are _they_ as because they are _theirs_." + +The sisters paced the length of the garden without speaking. Then Hadria +came to a standstill at the sun-dial, at the crossing of the paths, and +began absently to trace the figures of the hours, with the stalk of a +rose. + +"After all," she said, "parents are presumably not actuated by +humanitarian motives in bringing one into this wild world. They don't +even profess to have felt an unselfish desire to see one enjoying +oneself at their expense (though, as a matter of fact, what enjoyment +one has generally _is_ at their expense). People are always +enthusiastically congratulated on the arrival of a new child, though it +be the fourteenth, and the income two hundred a year! This seems to +point to a pronounced taste for new children, regardless of the +consequences!" + +"Oh, of course," said Algitha, "it's one of the canons! Women, above +all, are expected to jubilate at all costs. And I think most of them do, +more or less sincerely." + +"Very well then," cried Hadria, "it is universally admitted that +children are summoned into the world to gratify parental instincts. Yet +the parents throw all the onus of existence, after all, upon the children, +and make _them_ pay for it, and apologise for it, and justify it by +a thousand sacrifices and an ever-flowing gratitude." + +"I am quite ready to give gratitude and sacrifice too," said Algitha, +"but I don't feel that I ought to sacrifice _everything_ to an idea +that seems to me wrong. Surely a human being has a right to his own life. +If he has not that, what, in heaven's name, _has_ he?" + +"Anything but that!" cried Hadria. + + * * * * * + +While the momentous interview was going on, Hadria walked restlessly up +and down the garden, feverishly waiting. The borders were brilliant with +vast sunflowers, white lilies, and blazing "red-hot pokers" tangled +together in splendid profusion, a very type of richness and glory of +life. Such was the sort of existence that Hadria claimed from Fate. Her +eyes turned to the bare, forlorn hills that even the August sunshine +could not conjure into sumptuousness, and there she saw the threatened +reality. + +When at last Algitha's fine figure appeared at the further end of the +path, Hadria hastened forward and took her sister's arm. + +"It was worse than I had feared," Algitha said, with a quiver in her +voice. "I _know_ I am right, and yet it seems almost more than I am +equal for. When I told mother, she turned deadly white, and I thought, +for a moment, that she was going to faint. Let's sit down on this +seat." + +"Oh, it was horrible, Hadria! Mother must have been cherishing hopes +about us, in a way that I don't think she quite knew herself. After that +first moment of wretchedness, she flew into a passion of rage--that +dreadful, tearing anger that people only feel when something of +themselves is being wrenched away from them. She said that her children +were all bad and unnatural; that she had spent her whole life in their +interests; that if it had not been for her, we should all of us have +grown up without education or accomplishments, or looks, or anything +else; that she watched over us incessantly when we were little children, +denying herself, spending her youth in devotion to us, when she might +have gone into the world, and had some brightness and pleasure. If we +imagined that she had never felt the dulness of her life, and never +longed to go about and see people and things, we were much mistaken. But +she had renounced everything she cared for, from her girlhood--she was +scarcely older than I when her sacrifices began--and now her children +gave no consideration to her; they were ready to scatter themselves +hither and thither without a thought of her, or her wishes. They even +talked scoffingly of the kind of life that she had led for _them_--for +_them_, she repeated bitterly." + +Hadria's face had clouded. + +"Truly parents must have a bad time of it!" she exclaimed, "but does it +really console them that their children should have a bad time of it +too?" + +Algitha was trembling and very pale. + +"Mother says I shall ruin my life by this fad. What real good am I going +to do? She says it is absurd the way we talk of things we know nothing +about." + +"But she won't let us know about things; one must talk about +_some_thing!" cried Hadria with a dispirited laugh. + +"She says she has experience of life, and we are ignorant of it. I +reminded her that our ignorance was not exactly our fault." + +"Ah! precisely. Parents throw their children's ignorance in their teeth, +having taken precious good care to prevent their knowing anything. I can't +understand parents; they must have been young themselves once. Yet they +seem to have forgotten all about it. They keep us hoodwinked and infantile, +and then launch us headlong into life, with all its problems to meet, and +all momentous decisions made for us, past hope of undoing." Hadria rose +restlessly in her excitement. "Surely no creature was ever dealt with so +insanely as the well-brought-up girl! Surely no well-wisher so sincere as +the average parent ever ill-treated his charge so preposterously." + +Again there was a long silence, filled with painful thought. "One begins +to understand a little, why women do things that one despises, and why +the proudest of them so often submit to absolute indignity. You remember +when Mrs. Arbuthnot and----" + +"Ah, don't!" cried Algitha, flushing. "_Nothing_ ought to induce a +woman to endure that." + +"H'm----I suspect the world that we know nothing about, Algitha, has +ways and means of applying the pressure such as you and I scarcely dream +of." Hadria spoke with half-closed eyes that seemed to see deep and far. +"I have read and heard things that have almost taken my breath away! I +feel as if I could _kill_ every man who acquiesces in the present +order of things. It is an insult to every woman alive!" + +In Hadria's room that night, Algitha finally decided to delay her going +for another six months, hoping by that time that her mother would have +grown used to the idea, and less opposed to it. Mr. Fullerton dismissed +it, as obviously absurd. But this high-handed treatment roused all the +determination that Algitha had inherited from her father. The six months +had to be extended, in order to procure funds. Algitha had a small +income of her own, left her by her godmother, Miss Fortescue. She put +aside this, for her purpose. Further delay, through Mrs. Trevelyan, +brought the season round again to autumn, before Algitha was able to +make her final preparations for departure. + +"Do try and reconcile them to the idea," she said to her sister, as they +stood on the platform of Ballochcoil station, very white and +wretched-looking. + +"It breaks my heart to see father look so fixed and angry, and mother so +miserable. I am not going away for ever. Dear me, a day's journey will +bring me back, at any time." + +"I'll do my best," said Hadria, "here's your train; what a clumsy +instrument of fate it does look!" + +There was not much time for farewells. In a few minutes the train was +steaming out of the station. A solitary figure stood on the platform, +watching the monster curving and diminishing along the line, with its +white smoke soaring merrily into the air, in great rolling masses, that +melted, as if by some incantation, from thick, snow-like whiteness to +rapid annihilation. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +As Hadria drove over the winding upland road back to her home, her +thoughts followed her sister into her new existence, and then turned +wistfully backwards to the days that had been marked off into the past +by Algitha's departure. How bright and eager and hopeful they had all +been, how full of enthusiasm and generous ambitions! Even as they talked +of battle, they stretched forth their hands for the crown of victory. + +At the last meeting of the Preposterous Society, Ernest had repeated a +poem of his favourite Emerson, called _Days_, and the poem, which +was familiar to Hadria, sounded in her memory, as the pony trotted merrily +along the well-known homeward way. + + "Daughters of Time, the hypocritic Days, + Muffled and dumb, like barefoot Dervishes, + And marching single in an endless file, + Bring diadems and faggots in their hands. + To each they offer gifts after his will, + Bread, kingdoms, stars, and sky that holds them all. + I, in my pleached garden, watched the pomp, + Forgot my morning wishes, hastily + Took a few herbs and apples, and the Day + Turned and departed silent. I, too late, + Under her solemn fillet saw the scorn." + +In spite of Hadria's memorable lecture of a year ago, it was still the +orthodox creed of the Society, that Circumstance is the handmaid of the +Will; that one can demand of one's days "bread, kingdoms, stars, or +sky," and that the Days will obediently produce the objects desired. If +one has but the spirit that can soar high enough to really be resolved +upon stars, or the ambition sufficiently vaulting to be determined on +kingdoms, then--so ran the dogma--stars and kingdoms would be +forthcoming, though obstacles were never so determined. No member except +Hadria had ever dreamt of insinuating that one might have a very +pronounced taste for stars and kingdoms--nay, a taste so dominant that +life would be worthless unless they were achieved--yet might be forced, +by the might of events, to forego them. Hadria's own heresy had been of +the head rather than of the heart. But to-day, feeling began to share +the scepticism of the intellect. + +What if one's stars and kingdoms lay on the further side of a crime or a +cruelty? + +What then was left but to gather up one's herbs and apples, and bear, as +best one might, the scorn of the unjust Days? + +Hadria cast about in her mind for a method of utilizing to the best +advantage possible, the means at her disposal: to force circumstance to +yield a harvest to her will. To be the family consolation meant no light +task, for Mrs. Fullerton was exacting by nature: she had given much, and +she expected much in return. Her logic was somewhat faulty, but that +could not be gracefully pointed out to her by her daughter. Having +allowed her own abilities to decay, Mrs. Fullerton had developed an +extraordinary power of interfering with the employment of the abilities +of others. Hadria had rather underrated than exaggerated this +difficulty. Her mother would keep her for hours, discussing a trivial +point of domestic business, giving elaborate directions about it, only +to do it herself in the end. She spent her whole life in trifles of this +kind, or over social matters. Everything was done cumbrously, with an +incredible amount of toil and consideration, and without any noticeable +results. Hadria, fighting against a multitude of harassing little +difficulties, struggled to turn the long winter months to some use. But +Mrs. Fullerton broke the good serviceable time into jagged fragments. + +"I really can't see," said the mother, when the daughter proposed to set +apart certain hours for household duties, and to have other portions of +the day to herself, "I really can't see why a girl's little occupations +should be treated with so much consideration. However, I have no wish +for grudging assistance." + +Hadria's temper was far indeed from perfect, and painful scenes often +occurred. But as a rule, she would afterwards be seized with a fit of +remorse, knowing that her mother was suffering bitterly from her keen +disappointment about Algitha. The failure of a life-long hope must try +the endurance of the bravest. Mrs. Fullerton, seeing that Hadria was +more patient, quickly took advantage of the favourable moment, with a +rapid instinct that had often done her good service in the management +of a niggard destiny. The valuable mood must not be allowed to die +fruitless. The elder girl's defection thus became, to the mother, a sort +of investment, bearing interest of docility in the younger. Because the +heartless Algitha had left home, it seemed to Mrs. Fullerton that the +very least that Hadria could do, was to carry out her mother's lightest +wish. + +And so the weeks went by, in dreary, troublous fashion, cut into a +hundred little barren segments. The mind had no space, or stretch, or +solitude. It was incessantly harassed, and its impetus was perpetually +checked. But Hadria hoped on. This could not last for ever. Some day, +doubtless, if she sank not in spirit, the stars and the kingdoms would +come. + +Meanwhile, the position of affairs was decidedly ridiculous. She was +here as the family consolation, and nobody seemed to be consoled! Her +efforts had been sincere and even enthusiastic, but the boys only +laughed at her, in this rôle, and nobody was apparently in the least +gratified (except those imps of boys!). + +For a long time, Mrs. Fullerton seemed to be oblivious of her daughter's +efforts, but one day, when they had been talking about Algitha, the +mother said: "Your father and I now look to you, Hadria. I do think that +you are beginning to feel a little what your duty is. If _you_ also +were to turn deserter in our old age, I think it would kill us." + +Hadria felt a thrill of horror. The network of Fate seemed to be fast +closing round her. The temporary was to become fixed. She must act all +her days according to the conviction of others, or her parents would die +of grief! + +When she went to the hills that afternoon, she felt as if she must walk +on and on into the dreamy distance, away from all these toils and +claims, away into the unknown world and never return. But, alas! the +night descended and return she must. These wild impulses could never be +followed. + +The day had been peculiarly harassing and cut up; some neighbours had +been to afternoon tea and tennis, and the sight of their faces and the +sound of their talk had caused, in Hadria, an unutterable depression. +The light, conventional phrases rang in her ears still, the expression +of the faces haunted her, and into her heart crept a chill that benumbed +every wish and hope and faith that she had ever cherished. + +She sat up late into the night. Since freedom and solitude could not be +had by day, the nights were often her sole opportunity. At such times +she would work out her musical ideas, which in the dead silence of the +house were brought forth plentifully. These, from her point of view, +were the fruitful hours of the twenty-four. Thoughts would throng the +darkness like swarms of living things. + +Hadria's mood found expression to-night in a singular and most +melancholy composition. She called it _Futility_. + +It was unlike anything that she had ever done before, and she felt that +it shewed an access of musical power. + +She dreamt an absurd dream: That she was herself one of those girls with +the high pattering accents, playing tennis without ceasing and with +apparent cheerfulness; talking just as they had talked, and about just +the same things; and all the time, a vast circle of shadowy forms stood +watching, beckoning, and exhorting and warning, and turning away, at +last, in sorrowful contempt, because she preferred to spend her youth +eternally in futilities. And then they all slowly drifted by with sad +eyes fixed on her, and she was still left playing, playing. And it +seemed as if whole weeks passed in that way, and she grew mortally +tired, but some power prevented her from resting. The evil spell held +her enthralled. Always cheerful, always polite and agreeable, she +continued her task, finding herself growing accustomed to it at last, +and duly resigned to the necessity, wearisome though it was. Then all +hope that the game would ever cease went away, and she played on, +mechanically, but always with that same polite cheerfulness, as of +afternoon calls. She would not for the world admit that she was tired. +But she was so tired that existence became a torture to her, and her +heart seemed about to break with the intolerable strain--when she woke +up with a start, and found herself lying in a constrained attitude, +half-choked by the bed-clothes. + +She did not see the comic side of the dream till next morning, when she +told it at breakfast for the benefit of the family. + +As Hadria was an ardent tennis-player, it struck her brethren as a +particularly inappropriate form of nightmare. + +Hadria, at this time, went frequently with her father on his farming +walks, as he liked to have one or more of the family with him. She +enjoyed these walks, for Mr. Fullerton would talk about philosophy and +science, often of the most abstruse and entrancing kind. His children +were devoted to him. During these expeditions, they always vied with one +another to ferret out the most absurd story to tell him, he being held +as conqueror who made their father laugh most heartily. Sometimes they +all went in a body, armed with wild stories; and occasionally, across +the open fields, a row of eccentric-looking figures might be seen, +struggling in the grip of hilarious paroxysms; Mr. Fullerton doubled up +in the middle of a turnip-field, perhaps, with his family in contortions +round him. The air of the hills seemed to run to their heads, like wine. +Roulades of laughter, hearty guffaws, might have been heard for +surprising distances, much to the astonishment of the sober labourers +bending over their toil. + +Ernest had to go back to college; Fred and Austin to school. The house +seemed very quiet and sad after the boys left, and Hadria missed her +sister more and more, as time went on. + +Algitha wrote most happily. + +"With all its drawbacks, this existence of hard work (yet not too hard) +suits me exactly. It uses up my energies; yet, in spite of the really +busy life I lead, I literally have more leisure than I used to have at +home, where all through the day, there was some little detail to be +attended to, some call to make, some convention to offer incense to, +some prejudice to respect. Here, once my day's work is over, it _is_ +over, and I have good solid hours of leisure. I feel that I have earned +those hours when they come; also that I have earned a right to my keep, +as Wilfrid Burton, the socialist, puts it somewhat crudely. When I go to +bed at night, I can say: 'Because of me, this day, heavy hearts have +been made a little lighter.' I hear all sorts of opinions, and see all +sorts of people. I never was so happy in my life." + +It was Hadria's habit still to take solitary rambles over the country. +A passionate lover of Nature, she found endless pleasure in its +ever-changing aspects. Yet of late, a new feeling had begun to mutter +angrily within her: a resentment against these familiar sights and +sounds, because they were the boundaries of her horizon. She hated the +line of the round breezy hills where the row of fir-trees stood against +the sky, because that was the edge of her world, and she wanted to see +what was beyond. She must and would see what was beyond, some day. Her +hope was always vague; for if she dared to wonder how the curtain of +life was to be lifted, she had to face the fact that there was no +reasonable prospect of such a lifting. Still, the utter horror of living +on always, in this fashion, seemed to prove it impossible. + +On one dim afternoon, when the sun was descending, Hadria's solitary +figure was noticed by a white-haired lady, presumably a tourist, who had +stopped to ask a question of some farm labourers, working in a field. +She ceased to listen to the information, on the subject of Dunaghee, +that was given to her in a broad Scottish dialect. The whole scene, +which an instant before had impressed her as one of beauty and peace, +suddenly focussed itself round the dark figure, and grew sinister in its +aspect. At that moment, nothing would have persuaded the onlooker that +the hastening figure was not hastening towards misfortune. + +A woman of impulse, she set off in purposeless pursuit. Hadria's pace +was very rapid; she was trying to outrun thought. It was impossible to +live without hope, yet hope, in this forlorn land, was growing faint +and tired. + +Her pursuer was a remarkable-looking woman, no longer young, with her +prematurely white hair drawn up from her brow with a proud sweep that +suited well her sharply defined features and her air of defiance. She +was carelessly dressed after the prevailing fashion, and gave the +impression of not having her life successfully in hand, but rather of +being driven by it, as by a blustering wind, against her inclination. + +The impression which had seized her, a moment ago, deepened as she went. +Something in the scene and the hastening figure roused a sense of dread. +With her, an impression was like a spark to gunpowder. Her imagination +blazed up. Life, in its most tragic aspect, seemed before her in the +lonely scene, with the lonely figure, moving, as if in pursuit of a lost +hope, towards the setting sun. + +If Hadria had not paused on the brow of the hill, it is unlikely that +she would have been overtaken, but that pause decided the matter. The +stranger seemed suddenly to hesitate, wondering, apparently, what she +had done this eccentric thing for. + +Hadria, feeling a presence behind her, turned nervously round and gave +a slight start. + +It was so rare to meet anybody on these lonely hills, that the +apparition of a striking-looking woman with white hair, dark eyes, and +a strange exalted sort of expression, gave a shock of surprise. + +As the lady had stopped short, Hadria supposed that she had lost her +way, and wished to make some enquiries. + +"Can I direct you, or give you any assistance?" she asked, after a +second's pause. + +"Oh, thank you, you are very kind. I have come over from Ballochcoil to +explore the country. I have been trying to find out the history of the +old houses of the district. Could you tell me, by the way, anything +about that house with the square tower at the end; I have been loitering +round it half the afternoon. And I would have given anything to know its +history, and what it is like inside." + +"Well, I can help you there, for that old house is my home. If you have +time to come with me now, I will show you all over it," said Hadria, +impulsively. + +"That is too tempting an offer. And yet I really don't like to intrude +in this way. I am a perfect stranger to you and--your parents I +suppose?" + +"They will be delighted," Hadria assured her new acquaintance, somewhat +imprudently. + +"Well, I can't resist the temptation," said the latter, and they walked +on together. + +Hadria related what she knew about the history of the house. Very scanty +records had survived. It had obviously been one of the old Scottish +strongholds, built in the lawless days when the country was plunged in +feuds and chieftains lived on plunder. A few traditions lingered about +it: among them that of a chief who had carried off, by force, the +daughter of his bitterest enemy, in revenge for some deed of treachery. +He had tortured her with insolent courtship, and then starved her to +death in a garret in the tower, while her father and his followers +assaulted its thick walls in vain. + +"The tradition is, that on stormy nights one can still hear the sound of +the attack, the shouts of the men and the father's imprecations." + +"A horrible story!" + +"When people say the world has not progressed, I always think of that +story, and remember that such crimes were common in those days," Hadria +remarked. + +"I doubt if we are really less ferocious to-day," the other said; "our +ferocity is directed against the weakest, now as then, but there are +happily not so many weak, so we get the credit of being juster, without +expense. As a matter of fact, our opportunities are less, and so we make +a virtue of necessity--with a vengeance!" + +Hadria looked at her companion with startled interest. "Will you tell me +to whom I have the pleasure of speaking?" the lady asked. + +"My name is Fullerton--Hadria Fullerton." + +"Thank you. And here is my card, at least I think it is. Oh, no, that is +a friend's card! How very tiresome! I am reduced to pronouncing my own +name--Miss Du Prel, Valeria Du Prel; you may know it." + +Hadria came to a sudden standstill. She might know it! she might indeed. +Valeria Du Prel had long been to her a name to swear by. + +"Miss Du Prel! Is that--are you--may I ask, are you the writer of those +wonderful books?" + +Miss Du Prel gave a gratified smile. "I am glad they please you." + +"Ah! if you could guess how I have longed to know you. I simply can't +believe it." + +"And so my work has really given you pleasure?" + +"Pleasure! It has given me hope, it has given me courage, it has given +me faith in all that is worth living for. It was an epoch in my life +when I first read your _Parthenia_." + +Miss Du Prel seemed so genuinely pleased by this enthusiasm that Hadria +was surprised. + +"I have plenty of compliments, but very seldom a word that makes me +feel that I have spoken to the heart. I feel as if I had called in the +darkness and had no response, or like one who has cried from the +house-tops to a city of the dead." + +"And I so often thought of writing to you, but did not like to intrude," +cried Hadria. + +"Ah! if you only _had_ written to me!" Miss Du Prel exclaimed. + +Hadria gazed incredulously at the familiar scene, as they approached the +back of the house, with its round tower and its confusion of picturesque, +lichen-covered roofs. An irregular circle of stately trees stood as +sentinels round the stronghold. + +After all, something did happen, once in a while, in this remote corner +of the universe, whose name, Hadria used to think, had been erased from +the book of Destiny. She was perhaps vaguely disappointed to find that +the author of _Parthenia_ wore ordinary human serge, and a cape cut +after the fashion of any other person's cape. Still, she had no idea +what supersensuous material she could reasonably have demanded of her +heroine (unless it were the mythic "bombazine" that Ernest used to talk +about, in his ignorant efforts to describe female apparel), or what +transcendental form of cape would have satisfied her imagination. + +"You have a lovely home," said Valeria Du Prel, "you must be very happy +here." + +"Would you be happy here?" + +"Well, of course that would depend. I am, I fear, too roving by nature +to care to stay long in one place. Still I envy girls their home-life in +the country; it is so healthy and free." + +Hadria, without answering, led her companion round the flank of the +tower, and up to the front door. It was situated in the angle of the +wings, a sheltered nook, hospitably careful of the guest, whom the winds +of the uplands were disposed to treat but roughly. + +Hadria and her companion entered a little panelled hall, whence a flight +of broad stairs with stout wooden balusters, of quaint design, led to +the first floor. + +The visitor was charmed with the quiet old rooms, especially with +Hadria's bedroom in the tower, whose windows were so deep-set that they +had to be approached through a little tunnel cut out of the thickness of +the wall. The windows looked on to the orchard at the back, and in +front over the hills. Miss Du Prel was taken to see the scene of the +tragedy, and the meeting-room of the Preposterous Society. + +"You must see the drawing-room," said Hadria. + +She opened a door as she spoke, and ushered her visitor into a large, +finely-proportioned room with three tall windows of stately form, +divided into oblong panes, against which vagrant sprays of ivy were +gently tapping. + +This room was also panelled with painted wood; its character was quiet +and stately and reposeful. Yet one felt that many human lives had been +lived in it. It was full of the sentiment of the past, from the old +prints and portraits on the walls, to the delicate outlines of the +wooden mantel-piece, with its finely wrought urns and garlands. + +Before this mantel-piece, with the firelight flickering in her face, sat +Mrs. Fullerton, working at a large piece of embroidery. + +For the first time, Hadria hesitated. "Mother," she said, "this is Miss +Du Prel. We met out on the hills this afternoon, and I have brought her +home to see the house, which she admires very much." + +Mrs. Fullerton had looked up in astonishment, at this incursion into her +very sanctuary, of a stranger met at haphazard on the hills. Hadria +wheeled up an easy-chair for the visitor. + +"I fear Miss Du Prel will not find much to see in the old house," said +Mrs. Fullerton, whose manner had grown rigid, partly because she was +shy, partly because she was annoyed with Hadria for her impulsive +conduct, and largely because she disliked the idea of a literary +acquaintance for her daughter, who was quite extraordinary enough as it +was. + +"We have been all over the house," said Hadria hastily, with an anxious +glance at Miss Du Prel, whom she half expected to rise and walk out of +the room. It must surely be the first time in her life that her presence +had not been received as an honour! + +"It is all very old and shabby," said Mrs. Fullerton. "I hope you will +take some tea; if you have walked far to-day, you must be cold and in +need of something to eat." + +"Oh no, no, thank you," returned the visitor; "I ought to be getting +back to Ballochcoil to-night." + +"To Ballochcoil!" exclaimed mother and daughter in simultaneous dismay. +"But it is nearly seven miles off, and the sun is down. You can't get +back to-night on foot." + +"Dear me, can I not? I suppose I forgot all about getting back, in the +interest of the scenery." + +"What an extraordinary person!" thought Mrs. Fullerton. + +Miss Du Prel glanced helplessly at Hadria; rising then and looking out +of the window at the dusk, which had come on so rapidly. "Dear me, how +dark it has grown! Still I think I can walk it, or perhaps I can get a +fly at some inn on the way." + +"Can we offer you a carriage?" asked Mrs. Fullerton. + +"Oh no, thank you; that is quite unnecessary. I have already intruded +far too long; I shall wend my way back, or what might perhaps be better, +I could get a lodging at the farmhouse down the road. I am told that +they put travellers up sometimes." + +Miss Du Prel hurried off, evidently chilled by Mrs. Fullerton's freezing +courtesy. Hadria, disregarding her mother's glance of admonition, +accompanied the visitor to the farm of Craw Gill, having first given +directions to old Maggie to put together a few things that Miss Du Prel +would require for the night. Hadria's popularity at the farm, secured +her new friend a welcome. Mrs. McEwen was a fine example of the best +type of Scottish character; warm of heart, honest of purpose, and full +of a certain unconscious poetry, and a dignity that lingers still in +districts where the railway whistle is not too often heard. Miss Du Prel +seemed to nestle up to the good woman, as a child to its mother after +some scaring adventure. Mrs. McEwen was recommending a hot water-bottle +and gruel in case of a chill, when Hadria wended her way homeward to +brave her mother's wrath. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +"I cannot make you realize that you are an ignorant girl who knows +nothing of the world, and that it is necessary you should accept my +experience, and condescend to be guided by my wishes. You put me in a +most unpleasant position this afternoon, forcing me to receive a person +whom I have never been introduced to, or heard of----" + +"Valeria Du Prel has been heard of throughout the English-speaking +world," said Hadria rhetorically. + +"So much the worse," retorted Mrs. Fullerton. "No nicely brought up +woman is ever heard of outside her own circle." + +Hadria recalled a similar sentiment among the ancient Greeks, and +thought how hard an old idea dies. + +"She might have been some awful person, some unprincipled adventuress, +and that I believe is what she is. What was she prowling about the back +of our house for, I should like to know?" + +"I suspect she wanted to steal chickens or something," Hadria was goaded +into suggesting, and the interview ended painfully. + +When Hadria went to Craw Gill, next morning, to enquire for Miss Du +Prel, Mrs. McEwen said that the visitor had breakfasted in bed. The +farmer's wife also informed Miss Fullerton that the lady had decided to +stay on at Craw Gill, for some time. She had been looking out for a +retreat of the kind. + +"She seems a nice-like body," said Mrs. McEwen, "and I see no objection +to the arrangement." + +Hadria's heart beat faster. Could it be possible that Valeria du Prel +was to be a near neighbour? It seemed too good to be true! + +When Miss Du Prel came down in her walking garments, she greeted Hadria +with a certain absence of mind, which smote chill upon the girl's +eagerness. + +"I wanted to know if you were comfortable, if I could do anything for +you." Miss Du Prel woke up. + +"Oh no, thank you; you are very kind. I am most comfortable--at +least--it is very strange, but I have lost my keys and my umbrella and +my handbag--I can't think what I can have done with them. Oh, and my +purse is gone too!" + +Whereupon Mrs. McEwen in dismay, Mr. McEwen (who then appeared), the +maid, and Hadria, hunted high and low for the missing properties, which +were brought to light, one by one, in places where their owner had +already "thoroughly searched," and about which she had long since +abandoned hope. + +She received them with mingled joy and amazement, and having responded +to Mrs. McEwen's questions as to what she would like for dinner, she +proposed to Hadria that they should take a walk together. + +Hadria beamed. Miss Du Prel seemed both amused and gratified by her +companion's worship, and the talk ran on, in a light and pleasant vein, +differing from the talk of the ordinary mortal, Hadria considered, as +champagne differs from ditch-water. + +In recording it for Algitha's benefit that evening, Hadria found that +she could not reproduce the exhilarating quality, or describe the +influence of Miss Du Prel's personality. It was as if, literally, a +private and particular atmosphere had encompassed her. She was "alive +all round," as her disciple asserted. + +Her love of Nature was intense. Hadria had never before realized that +she had been without full sympathy in this direction. She awoke to a +strange retrospective sense of solitude, feeling a new pity for the +eager little child of years ago, who had wandered up to the garret, late +at night, to watch the moonlight spread its white shroud over the hills. + +With every moment spent in the society of Valeria Du Prel, new and +clearer light seemed to Hadria, to be thrown upon all the problems of +existence; not by any means only through what Miss Du Prel directly +said, but by what she implied, by what she took for granted, by what she +omitted to say. + +"It seems like a home-coming from long exile," Hadria wrote to her +sister. "I have been looking through a sort of mist, or as one looks at +one's surroundings before quite waking. Now everything stands out sharp +and cut, as objects do in the clear air of the South. Ah me, the South! +Miss Du Prel has spent much of her life there, and my inborn smouldering +passion for it, is set flaming by her descriptions! You remember that +brief little fortnight that we spent with mother and father in Italy? I +seem now to be again under the spell of the languorous airs, the +cloudless blue, the white palaces, the grey olive groves, and the art, +the art! Oh, Algitha, I must go to the South soon, soon, or I shall die +of home sickness! Miss Du Prel says that this is only one side of me +breaking out: that I am northern at heart. I think it is true, but +meanwhile the thought of the South possesses me. I confess I think +mother had some cause to be alarmed when she saw Miss Du Prel, if she +wants to keep us in a chastened mood, at home. It seems as if all of me +were in high carnival. Life is raised to a higher power. I feel nearly +omnipotent. Epics and operas are child's play to me! It is true I have +produced comparatively few; but, oh, those that are to come! I feel fit +for anything, from pitch-and-toss to manslaughter. I think of the two, I +rather lean to the manslaughter. Oh, I don't mean it in the facetious +sense! that would be a terrible downfall from my present altitudes. To +such devices the usual wretched girl, who has never drawn rebellious +breath, or listened to the discourses of Valeria Du Prel, has to turn +for a living, or to keep _ennui_ at bay. But _I_, no, the inimical +sex may possess their souls in peace, as far as I am concerned. They might +retort that they never _had_ felt nervous, but a letter has the same +advantage as the pulpit: the adversary can never get up and contradict. + +"That ridiculous adversary, Harold Wilkins, is staying again at +Drumgarren, and I hear from Mrs. Gordon that he thinks it very strange +that I should see so much of so extraordinary a person as Miss Du Prel! +Opinions differ of course; _I_ think it very strange that the Gordons +should see so much of so ordinary a person as Mr. Wilkins. Everybody +makes much of him here, and, alas! all the girls run after him, and even +fall in love with him; why, I can't conceive. For if driven by dire +compulsion of fate, to bend one's thoughts upon _some_ prosaic example +of that prosaic sex, why not choose one of the many far more attractive +candidates available--the Gordons, the McKenzies, and so forth? When I +go to tennis parties with mother--they are still playing upon the +asphalte courts--and see the little dramas that go on, the jealousies +and excitements, and general much-ado-about-nothing, I can scarcely +believe that Miss Du Prel really belongs to the same planet as ours. But +I don't feel so contemptuous as I did; it is so pitiful. Out of my great +wealth I can afford to be more generous. + +"And when I see those wretched girls fluttering round Mr. Wilkins, I no +longer turn up my 'aughty nose' (as old Mrs. Brooks used to say). I only +think to myself, 'Heavens and earth! what an aching, empty life those +young women must lead, if they are actually reduced for interest and +amusement to the utterances of Mr. Wilkins!' They would have the pull of +one though, if the utterances of Mr. Wilkins were the only utterances to +be heard! Perish the thought of such beggary!" + +The talks with Valeria Du Prel grew more intimate, and more deeply +interesting to Hadria, every day. + +Miss Du Prel used often to look at her companion in amazement. "Where +_did_ you come from?" she exclaimed on one occasion. "One would suppose +you had lived several lives; you seem to _know_ things in such a subtle, +intimate fashion!" + +She used to ponder over the problem, wondering what Professor Fortescue +would say to it. There appeared to be more here than mere heredity could +account for. But science had never solved this problem; originality +seemed always to enter upon its career, uncaused and unaccountable. It +was ever a miraculous phenomenon. The Professor had always said so. +Still the heritage was rich enough, in this case. Heredity might have +some discoverable part in the apparent marvel. Each member of the +Fullerton family had unusual ability of some kind. Their knowledge of +science, and their familiarity with the problems of philosophy, had +often astonished Miss Du Prel. Hadria's accounts of the Preposterous +Society made her laugh and exclaim at the same moment. She gave an +envious sigh at the picture of the eager little group, with their warmth +of affection for one another, and their vivid interests. Miss Du Prel, +with all her sadness, was youthful in spirit. Hadria found her far +younger than many girls of her own age. This set her thinking. She +observed how rigid most people become in a few years, and how the +personality grows wooden, in the daily repetition of the same actions +and the same ideas. This stiffening process had been attributed to the +malice of Time; but now Hadria began to believe that narrow and +ungenerous thought lay at the root of the calamity. The entire life of +the little world in which she had grown up, on all its sides, in all its +ideals and sentiments, stood before her, as if some great painter had +made a picture of it. She had never before been able to stand so +completely apart from the surroundings of her childhood. And she was +able to do so now, not because Miss Du Prel discoursed about it, but +because Hadria's point of view had shifted sympathetically to the point +of view of her companion, through the instinctive desire to see how +these familiar things would look to alien eyes. That which had seemed +merely prosaic and dreary, became characteristic; the very things which +she had taken most for granted were exactly those which turned out to be +the significant and idiomatic facts. + +These had made permanent inroads into the mind and character. It was +with these that Hadria would have to reckon all her days, under whatever +conditions she might hereafter be placed. Daily surroundings were not +merely pleasant or unpleasant facts, otherwise of no importance; they +were the very material and substance of character; the push and impetus, +or the let and hindrance; the guardians or the assassins of the soul. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +Miss Du Prel had promised to allow Hadria to drive her to Darachanarvan, +a little town on the banks of the river, about seven miles across +country. + +Hadria was in high spirits, as they trundled along the white roads with +the wind in their faces, the hills and the blue sky spread out before +them, the pleasant sound of the wheels and the trotting of the pony +setting their thoughts to rhythm. + +The trees were all shedding their last yellow leaves, and the air was +full of those faded memories of better days, whirling in wild companies +across the road, rushing upward on the breast of some vagabond gust, +drifting, spinning, shuddering along the roadside, to lie there at last, +quiet, among a host of brothers, with little passing tremors, as if +(said Valeria) they were silently sobbing because of their banishment +from their kingdom of the air. + +Miss Du Prel, though she enjoyed the beauty of the day and the scenery, +seemed sad of mood. "This weather recalls so many autumns," she said. +"It reminds me too vividly of wonderful days, whose like I shall never +see again, and friends, many of whom are dead, and many lost sight of in +this inexorable coming and going of people and things, this inexorable +change that goes on for ever. I feel as if I should go mad at times, +because it will not stop, either in myself or others." + +"Ah, that is a dreadful thought!" + +"It comes to me so insistently, perhaps, because of my roving life," she +said. + +She paused for a moment, and then she fell into one of her exalted +moods, when she seemed to lose consciousness of the ordinary conditions +around her, or rather to pierce deeper into their significance and +beauty. Her speech would, at such times, become rhythmic and +picturesque; she evidently saw vivid images before her, in which her +ideas embodied themselves. + +"Most people who live always in one place see the changes creeping on so +gradually that they scarcely feel them, but with me this universal flux +displays itself pitilessly, I cannot escape. Go where I will, there is +something to measure the changes by. A shoal of yellow leaves whispers +to me of seasons long ago, and the old past days, with their own +intimate character that nothing ever repeats, flash before me again with +the vividness of yesterday; and a flight of birds--ah! if I could +express what they recall! The dead years pass again in a great +procession, a motley company--some like emperors, crowned and richly +dowered, with the sound of trumpets and the tramping of many obsequious +feet; and others like beggars, despoiled and hungry, trudging along a +dusty high road, or like grey pilgrims bound, with bleeding feet, for a +far-off shrine." + +They entered a little beech-wood, whose leaves made a light of their +own, strange and mystical. + +"Yours must have been a wonderful life!" said Hadria. + +"Yes, I have seen and felt many things," answered Miss Du Prel, stirred +by the intoxication of the motion and the wind and the sunlight, "life +has been to me a series of intense emotions, as it will be to you, I +fear----" + +"You fear?" said Hadria. + +"Yes; for that means suffering. If you feel, you are at the mercy of all +things. Every wind that blows uses you as an Æolian harp." + +"That must be charming, at least for those who live in your +neighbourhood," said Hadria. + +"No; for often the harp rings false. Its strings get loosened; one hangs +slack and jars, and where then is your harmony?" + +"One would run the risk of many things rather than let one's strings lie +dumb," said Hadria. + +"What a dangerous temperament you have!" cried Valeria, looking round at +the glowing face beside her. + +"I must take my risks," said Hadria. + +"I doubt if you know what risks there are." + +"Then I must find out," she answered. + +"One plays with fire so recklessly before one has been burnt." + +Hadria was silent. The words sounded ominous. + +"Will can do so much," she said at length. "Do you believe in the power +of the human will to break the back of circumstance?" + +"Oh, yes; but the effort expended in breaking its back sometimes leaves +one prone, with a victory that arrives ironically too late. However I +don't wish to discourage you. There is no doubt that human will has +triumphed over everything--but death." + +Again the sound of the pony's hoofs sounded through the silence, in a +cheerful trot upon the white roads. They were traversing an open, breezy +country, chequered with wooded hollows, where generally a village sought +shelter from the winds. And these patches of foliage were golden and red +in the meditative autumn sunshine, which seemed as if it were a little +sad at the thought of parting with the old earth for the coming winter. + +"I think the impossible lesson to learn would be renouncement," said +Hadria. "I cannot conceive how anyone could say to himself, while he had +longings and life still in him, 'I will give up this that I might have +learnt; I will stop short here where I might press forward; I will allow +this or that to curtail me and rob me of my possible experience.'" + +"Well, I confess that has been my feeling too, though I admire the +spirit that can renounce." + +"Admire? Oh, yes, perhaps; though I am not so sure that the submissive +nature has not been too much glorified--in theory. Nobody pays much +attention to it in practice, by the way." + +Miss Du Prel laughed. "What an observant young woman you are." + +"Renunciation is always preached to girls, you know," said +Hadria--"preached to them when as yet they have nothing more than a +rattle and a rag-doll to renounce. And later, when they set about the +business of their life, and resign their liberty, their talents, their +health, their opportunity, their beauty (if they have it), then people +gradually fall away from the despoiled and obedient being, and flock +round the still unchastened creature who retains what the gods have +given her, and asks for more." + +"I fear you are indeed a still unchastened creature!" + +"Certainly; there is no encouragement to chasten oneself. People don't +stand by the docile members of Society. They commend their saints, but +they drink to their sinners." + +Miss Du Prel smiled. + +"It is true," she admitted. "A woman must not renounce too much if she +desires to retain her influence." + +"_Pas trop de zèle_," Hadria quoted. + +"There is something truly unmanageable about you, my dear!" cried +Valeria, much amused. "Well, I too have had just that sort of instinct, +just that imperious demand, just that impatience of restraint. I too +regarded myself and my powers as mine to use as I would, responsible +only to my own conscience. I decided to have freedom though the heavens +should fall. I was unfitted by temperament to face the world, but I was +equally unfitted to pay the price for protection--the blackmail that +society levies on a woman: surrender of body and of soul. What could one +expect, in such a case, but disaster? I often envy now the simple-minded +woman who pays her price and has her reward--such as it is." + +"Ah! such as it is!" echoed Hadria. + +"Who was it said, the other day, that she thought a wise woman always +took things as they were, and made the best of them?" + +"Some dull spirit." + +"And yet a practical spirit." + +"I am quite sure," said Hadria, "that the stokers of hell are practical +spirits." + +"Your mother must have had her work cut out for her when she undertook +to bring you up," exclaimed Miss Du Prel. + +"So she always insinuates," replied Hadria demurely. + +They were spinning down hill now, into a warm bit of country watered by +the river, and Hadria drew rein. The spot was so pleasant that they +alighted, tied the pony to a tree, and wandered over the grass to the +river's edge. Hadria picked her way from stone to slippery stone, into +the middle of the river, where there was comparatively safe standing +room. Here she was suddenly inspired to execute the steps of a reel, +while Valeria stood dismayed on the bank, expecting every moment, to see +the dance end in the realms of the trout. + +But Hadria kept her footing, and continued to step it with much +solemnity. Meanwhile, two young men on horseback were coming down the +road; but as a group of trees hid it from the river at this point, they +were not noticed. The horsemen stopped suddenly when they cleared the +group of trees. The figure of a young woman in mid-stream, dancing a +reel with extreme energy and correctness, and without a smile, was +sufficiently surprising to arrest them. + +"As I thought," exclaimed Hadria, "it is Harold Wilkins!" + +"I shall be glad to see this conquering hero," said Valeria. + +Hadria, who had known the young man since her childhood, waited calmly +as he turned his horse's head towards the river, and advanced across the +grass, raising his hat. "Good morning, Miss Fullerton." + +"Good morning," Hadria returned, from her rock. + +"You seem to be having rather an agreeable time of it." + +"Very. Are you fond of dancing?" + +Mr. Wilkins was noted, far and wide, for his dancing, and the question +was wounding. + +He was tall and loosely built, with brown expressionless eyes, dark +hair, a pink complexion, shelving forehead, and a weak yet obstinate +mouth. His companion also was tall and dark, but his face was pale, his +forehead broad and high, and a black moustache covered his upper lip. He +had raised his hat gracefully on finding that the dancer in mid-stream +was an acquaintance of his companion, and he shewed great +self-possession in appearing to regard the dancing of reels in these +circumstances, as an incident that might naturally be expected. Not a +sign of surprise betrayed itself in the face, not even a glimmer of +curiosity. Hadria was so tickled by this finished behaviour under +difficulties, that she took her cue from it, and decided to treat the +matter in the same polished spirit. She too would take it all decorously +for granted. + +Mr. Wilkins introduced his friend: Mr. Hubert Temperley. Hadria bowed +gracefully in reply to Mr. Temperley's salute. + +"Don't you feel a little cramped out there?" asked Mr. Wilkins. + +"Dear me, no," cried Hadria in mock surprise. "What could induce you to +suppose I would come out here if I felt cramped?" + +"Are you--are you thinking of coming on shore? Can I help you?" + +"Thank you," replied Hadria. "This is a merely temporary resting-place. +We ought to be getting on; we have some miles yet to drive," and she +hurried her friend away. They were conducted to the pony-cart by the +cavaliers, who raised their hats, as the ladies drove off at a merry +pace, bowing their farewells. + +"The eternal riddle!" Temperley exclaimed, as they turned the corner of +the road. + +"What is the eternal riddle?" Harold Wilkins enquired. + +"Woman, woman!" Temperley replied, a little impatiently. He had not +found young Wilkins quick to catch his meaning during the two hours' +ride, and it occurred to him that Miss Fullerton would have been a more +interesting companion. + +He made a good many enquiries about her and her family, on the way back +to Drumgarren. + +"We are invited to tennis at their house, for next Tuesday," said Harold, +"so you will have a chance of pursuing the acquaintance. For my part, I +don't admire that sort of girl." + +"Don't you? I am attracted by originality. I like a woman to have +something in her." + +"Depends on what it is. I hate a girl to have a lot of silly ideas." + +"Perhaps you prefer her to have but one," said Temperley, "that one +being that Mr. Harold Wilkins is a charming fellow." + +"Nothing of the kind," cried Harold. "I can't help it if girls run after +me; it's a great bore." + +Temperley laughed. "You, like Achilles, are pursued by ten thousand +girls. I deeply sympathize, though it is not an inconvenience that has +troubled me, even in my palmiest days." + +"Why, how old are you? Surely you are not going to talk as if those days +were over?" + +"Oh, I am moderately palmy still!" Temperley admitted. "Still, the hour +approaches when the assaults of time will become more disastrous." + +"You and Hadria Fullerton ought to get on well together, for she is very +musical," said Harold Wilkins. + +"Ah!" cried Temperley with new interest. "I could have almost told that +from her face. Does she play well?" + +"Well, I suppose so. She plays things without any tune that bore one to +death, but I daresay you would admire it. She composes too, I am told." + +"Really? Dear me, I must make a point of having a talk with her, on the +earliest opportunity." + +Meanwhile, the occupants of the pony-cart had arrived at Darachanarvan, +where they were to put up the pony and have luncheon. It was a prosaic +little Scottish town, with only a beautiful survival, here and there, +from the past. + +After luncheon, they wandered down to the banks of the river, and +watched the trout and the running water. Hadria had long been wishing +to find out what her oracle thought about certain burning questions on +which the sisters held such strong, and such unpopular sentiments, but +just because the feeling was so keen, it was difficult to broach the +subject. + +An opportunity came when Miss Du Prel spoke of her past. Hadria was able +to read between the lines. When a mere girl, Miss Du Prel had been +thrown on the world--brilliant, handsome, impulsive, generous--to pass +through a fiery ordeal, and to emerge with aspirations as high as ever, +but with her radiant hopes burnt out. But she did not dwell on this side +of the picture; she emphasized rather, the possibility of holding on +through storm and stress to the truth that is born in one; to belief in +"the noblest and wildest hopes (if you like to call them so) that ever +thrilled generous hearts." + +But she gave no encouragement to certain of her companion's most +vehement sentiments. She seemed to yearn for exactly that side of life +from which the younger shrank with so much horror. She saw it under an +entirely different aspect. Hadria felt thrown back on herself, lonely +once more. + +"You have seen Mrs. Gordon," she said at length, "what do you think of +her?" + +"Nothing; she does not inspire thought." + +"Yet once she was a person, not a thing." + +"If a woman can't keep her head above water in Mrs. Gordon's position, +she must be a feeble sort of person." + +"I should not dare to say that, until I had been put through the mill +myself, and come out unpulverised." + +Miss Du Prel failed to see what there was so very dreadful in Mrs. +Gordon's lot. She had, perhaps, rather more children than was necessary, +but otherwise---- + +"Oh, Miss Du Prel," cried Hadria, "you might be a mere man! That is just +what my brothers say." + +"I don't understand what you mean," said Miss Du Prel. "Do explain." + +"Do you actually--_you_ of all people--not recognize and hate the idea +that lies so obviously at the root of all the life that is swarming +round us----?" + +Valeria studied her companion's excited face. + +"Are you in revolt against the very basis of existence?" she asked +curiously. + +"No: at least ... but this is not what I am driving at exactly," replied +Hadria, turning uneasily away from the close scrutiny. "Don't you +know--oh, don't you see--how many women secretly hate, and shrink from +this brutal domestic idea that fashions their fate for them?" + +Miss Du Prel's interest quickened. + +"Nothing strikes me so much as the tamely acquiescent spirit of the +average woman, and I doubt if you would find another woman in England +to describe the domestic existence as you do." + +"Perhaps not; tradition prevents them from using bad language, but they +_feel_, they _feel_." + +"Young girls perhaps, brought up very ignorantly, find life a little +scaring at first, but they soon settle down into happy wives and +mothers." + +"As the fibre grows coarser," assented Hadria. + +"No; as the affections awaken, and the instincts that hold society +together, come into play. I have revolted myself from the conditions of +life, but it is a hopeless business--beating one's wings against the +bars." + +"The bars are, half of them, of human construction," said Hadria, "and +against _those_ one may surely be allowed to beat." + +"Of human construction?" + +"I mean that prejudice, rather than instinct, has built up the system +that Mrs. Gordon so amiably represents." + +"Prejudice has perhaps taken advantage of instinct to establish a +somewhat tyrannical tradition," Miss Du Prel admitted, "but instinct is +at the bottom of it. There is, of course, in our society, no latitude +for variety of type; that is the fault of so many institutions." + +"The ordinary domestic idea may have been suitable when women were +emerging from the condition of simple animals," said Hadria, "but now it +seems to me to be out of date." + +"It can never be entirely out of date, dear Hadria. Nature has asked of +women a great and hard service, but she has given them the maternal +instinct and its joys, in compensation for the burden of this task, +which would otherwise be intolerable and impossible. It can only be +undertaken at the instigation of some stupendous impetus, that blinds +the victim to the nature of her mission. It must be a sort of obsession; +an intense personal instinct, amounting to madness. Nature, being +determined to be well served in this direction, has supplied the +necessary monomania, and the domestic idea, as you call it, grows up +round this central fact." + +Hadria moved restlessly to and fro by the river bank. "One presumes to +look upon oneself, at first--in one's earliest youth," she said, "as +undoubtedly human, with human needs and rights and dignities. But this +turns out to be an illusion. It is as an _animal_ that one has to play +the really important part in life; it is by submitting to the demands of +society, in this respect, that one wins rewards and commendation. Of +course, if one likes to throw in a few ornamental extras, so much the +better; it keeps up appearances and the aspect of refined sentiment--but +the main point----" + +"You _are_ extravagant!" cried Miss Du Prel. "That is not the right way +to look at it." + +"It is certainly not the convenient way to look at it. It is doubtless +wise to weave as many garlands as you can, to deck yourself for the +sacrifice. By that means, you don't quite see which way you are going, +because of the masses of elegant vegetation." + +"Ah! Hadria, you exaggerate, you distort; you forget so many +things--the sentiments, the affections, the thousand details that hallow +that crude foundation which you see only bare and unsoftened." + +"A repulsive object tastefully decorated, is to me only the more +repulsive," returned Hadria, with suppressed passion. + +"There will come a day when you will feel very differently," prophesied +Miss Du Prel. + +"Perhaps. Why should I, more than the others, remain uninfluenced by the +usual processes of blunting, and grinding down, and stupefying, till one +grows accustomed to one's function, one's _intolerable_ function?" + +"My dear, my dear!" + +"I am sorry if I shock you, but that is how I feel. I have seen this +sort of traditional existence and nothing else, all my life, and I have +been brought up to it, with the rest--prepared and decked out like some +animal for market--all in the most refined and graceful manner possible; +but how can one help seeing through the disguise; how can one be blind +to the real nature of the transaction, and to the fate that awaits +one--awaits one as inexorably as death, unless by some force of one's +own, with all the world--friends and enemies--in opposition, one can +avert it?" + +Miss Du Prel remained silent. + +"You _can_ avert it," she said at last; "but at what cost?" + +"Miss Du Prel, I would rather sweep a crossing, I would rather beg in +the streets, than submit to the indignity of such a life!" + +"Then what do you intend to do instead?" + +"Ah! there's the difficulty. What _can_ one do instead, without breaking +somebody's heart? Nothing, except breaking one's own. And even putting +that difficulty aside, it seems as if everyone's hand were against a +woman who refuses the path that has been marked out for her." + +"No, no, it is not so bad as that. There are many openings now for +women." + +"But," said Hadria, "as far as I can gather, ordinary ability is not +sufficient to enable them to make a scanty living. The talent that would +take a man to the top of the tree is required to keep a woman in a +meagre supply of bread and butter." + +"Allowing for exaggeration, that is more or less the case," Miss Du Prel +admitted. + +"I have revolted against the common lot," she went on after a pause, +"and you see what comes of it; I am alone in the world. One does not +think of that when one is quite young." + +"Would you rather be in Mrs. Gordon's position than in your own?" + +"I doubt not that she is happier." + +"But would you change with her, surrendering all that she has +surrendered?" + +"Yes, if I were of her temperament." + +"Ah! you always evade the question. Remaining yourself, would you change +with her?" + +"I would never have allowed my life to grow like hers." + +"No," said Hadria, laughing, "you would probably have run away or killed +yourself or somebody, long before this." + +Miss Du Prel could not honestly deny this possibility. After a pause she +said: + +"A woman cannot afford to despise the dictates of Nature. She may escape +certain troubles in that way; but Nature is not to be cheated, she makes +her victim pay her debt in another fashion. There is no escape. The +centuries are behind one, with all their weight of heredity and habit; +the order of society adds its pressure--one's own emotional needs. Ah, +no! it does not answer to pit oneself against one's race, to bid +defiance to the fundamental laws of life." + +"Such then are the alternatives," said Hadria, moving close to the +river's brink, and casting two big stones into the current. "There stand +the devil and the deep sea." + +"You are too young to have come to that sad conclusion," said Miss Du +Prel. + +"But I haven't," cried Hadria. "I still believe in revolt." + +The other shook her head. + +"And what about love? Are you going through life without the one thing +that makes it bearable?" + +"I would not purchase it at such a cost. If I can't have it without +despoiling myself of everything that is worth possessing, I prefer to go +without." + +"You don't know what you say!" exclaimed Miss Du Prel. + +"But why? Love would be ruined and desecrated. I understand by it a +sympathy so perfect, and a reverence so complete, that the conditions of +ordinary domestic existence would be impossible, unthinkable, in +connection with it." + +"So do I understand love. But it comes, perhaps, once in a century, and +if one is too fastidious, it passes by and leaves one forlorn; at best, +it comes only to open the gates of Paradise, for a moment, and to close +them again, and leave one in outer darkness." + +"Always?" + +"I believe always," answered Miss Du Prel. + +The running of the river sounded peacefully in the pause that followed. + +"Well," cried Hadria at length, raising her head with a long sigh, "one +cannot do better than follow one's own instinct and thought of the +moment. Regret may come, do what one may. One cannot escape from one's +own temperament." + +"One can modify it." + +"I cannot even wish to modify mine, so that I should become amenable to +these social demands. I stand in hopeless opposition to the scheme of +life that I have grown up amongst, to the universal scheme of life +indeed, as understood by the world up to this day. Audacious, is it +not?" + +"I like audacity," returned Miss Du Prel. "As I understand you, you +require an altogether new dispensation!" + +Hadria gave a half smile, conscious of her stupendous demand. Then she +said, with a peculiar movement of the head, as if throwing off a heavy +weight, and looking before her steadily: "Yes, I require a new +dispensation." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +Hubert Temperley made a point of going to the tennis-party, on Tuesday, +at Dunaghee, in order to talk to Miss Fullerton. He had not expected to +find original musical talent in this out-of-the-way place. + +Hadria was in a happy mood, for her mother had so far overcome her +prejudice against Miss Du Prel, as to ask her to join the party. + +The festivity had, therefore, lost its usual quality of melancholy. + +It was a warm afternoon, and every one seemed cheerful "and almost +intelligent," Hadria commented. The first words that Mr. Temperley +uttered, made her turn to him, in surprise. She was so unaccustomed to +be interested in what the people about here had to say. Even intelligent +visitors usually adopted the tone of the inhabitants. Hubert Temperley's +manner was very polished. His accent denoted mental cultivation. He +spoke with eloquence of literature, and praised enthusiastically most +great names dating securely from the hallowed past. Of modern literature +he was a stern critic; of music he spoke with ardour. + +"I hear that you not only perform but compose, Miss Fullerton," he said. +"As soon as I heard that, I felt that I must make your acquaintance. My +friends, the Gordons, are very charming, but they don't understand a +note of music, and I am badly off for a kindred spirit." + +"My composing is a very mild affair," Hadria answered. "I suppose you +are more fortunate." + +"Not much. I am pretty busy you see. I have my profession. I play a +good deal--the piano and the _'cello_ are my instruments. But my +difficulty is to find someone to accompany me. My sister does when she +can, but of course with a house and family to look after----I am +sometimes selfish enough to wish she had not married. We used to be such +good friends." + +"Is that all over?" + +"It is different. She always manages to be busy now," said Temperley in +a slightly ironical tone. + +He plunged once more, into a musical discussion. + +Hadria had reluctantly to cut it short, in order to arrange +tennis-matches. This task was performed as usual, somewhat recklessly. +Polite and amiable in indiscriminate fashion, Hadria ignored the secret +jealousies and heart-burnings of the neighbourhood, only to recognise +and repent her mistakes when too late. To-day she was even more +unchastened than usual in her dealings with inflammable social material. + +"Hadria!" cried Mrs. Fullerton, taking her aside, "How _could_ you ask +Cecilia Gordon to play with young McKenzie? You _know_ their families +are not on speaking terms!" + +Everyone, except the culprit, had remarked the haughty manner in which +Cecilia wielded her racket, and the gloomy silence in which the set was +played. + +Hadria, though not impenitent, laughed. "How does Miss Gordon manage to +be energetic and chilling at the same time!" she exclaimed. + +The Gordons and the McKenzies, like hostile armies, looked on grimly. +Everyone felt awkward, and to feel awkward was nothing less than tragic, +in the eyes of the assembly. + +"Oh, Hadria, how _could_ you?" cried Mrs. Gordon, coming up in her +elaborate toilette, which expressed almost as much of the character of +its wearer as was indicated by her thin, chattering tones, and +unreposeful manner. Her mode of dress was rich and florid--very obvious +in its effects, very _naïf_. She was built on a large scale, and might +have been graceful, had not her mental constitution refused to permit, +or to inspire, that which physical construction seemed to intend. She +distributed smiles on all hands, of no particular meaning. Though still +a young woman, she looked worn and wearied. However, her _rôle_ was +cheerfulness, and she smiled on industriously. + +"I am so sorry," said Hadria, "the quarrel went clean out of my head. +They are so well matched. But your sister-in-law will never forgive me." + +"Oh, well, never mind, my dear; it is your way, I know. Only of course +it is awkward." + +"What can be done? Shall I run in and separate them?" + +"Oh, Hadria, you _are_ ridiculous!" + +"I was not meant for society," she said, in a depressed tone. + +"Oh, you will soon get into the way of it," cried Mrs. Gordon +encouragingly. + +"I am afraid I shall." + +Mrs. Gordon stared. "Mr. Temperley, I can never make out what Miss +Fullerton really means. Do see if you can." + +"How could I expect to succeed where you have failed?" + +"Oh, you men are so much cleverer than we poor women," cried the lady +archly. Temperley was obviously of the same opinion. But he found some +appropriate Chesterfieldian reply, while Hadria, to his annoyance, +hurried off to her duties, full of good resolutions. + +Having introduced a couple of sisters to their brother, she grew +desperate. A set had just ended, and the sisters were asked to play. +This time, no mistake had been made in the selection of partners, so far +as the question of sentiment was concerned, but they were fatally +ill-assorted as to strength. However, Hadria said with a sigh, if their +emotions were satisfied, it was really all they could expect. +Considering the number of family feuds, she did not see her way to +arranging both points, to everyone's satisfaction. + +Hadria was surrounded by a small group, among whom were Temperley, +Harold Wilkins, and Mr. Hawkesley, the brother who had been introduced +to his sisters. + +"How very handsome Hadria is looking this afternoon," said Mrs. Gordon, +"and how becoming that dark green gown is." + +Mrs. Fullerton smiled. "Yes, she does look her best to-day. I think she +has been improving, of late, in her looks." + +"That's just what we have all noticed. There is so much animation in her +face; she is such a sweet girl." + +Miss Du Prel, who was not of the stuff that martyrs are made of, +muttered something incoherent and deserted her neighbour. She came up to +the group that had gathered round Hadria. + +"Ah, Miss Du Prel," cried the latter, "I am so glad to see you at large +again. I was afraid you were getting bored." + +"I was," said Miss Du Prel frankly, "so I came away." + +The young men laughed. "If only everybody could go away when he was +bored," cried Hadria, "how peaceful it would be, and what small +tennis-parties one would have!" + +"Always excepting tennis-parties at _this_ house," said Hubert +Temperley. + +"I don't think any house would survive," said Miss Du Prel. "If people +do not meet to exchange ideas, I can't see the object of their meeting +at all." + +"What a revolutionary sentiment!" cried Temperley, laughing. "Where +would society be, on that principle?" + +Hadria was called away, at that moment, and the group politely wavered +between duty and inclination. Temperley and Miss Du Prel strolled off +together, his vast height bent deferentially towards her. This air of +deference proved somewhat superficial. Miss Du Prel found that his +opinions were of an immovable order, with very defined edges. In some +indescribable fashion, those opinions partook of the general elegance of +his being. Not for worlds would he have harboured an exaggerated or +immoderate idea. In politics he was conservative, but he did not abuse +his opponents. He smiled at them; he saw no reason for supposing that +they did not mean quite as well as he did, possibly better. What he +_did_ see reason to doubt, was their judgment. His tolerance was urbane +and superior. On all questions, however, whether he knew much about them +or little, his judgment was final and absolute. He swept away whole +systems of thought that had shaken the world, with a confident phrase. +Miss Du Prel looked at him with increasing amazement. He seemed +unaccustomed to opposition. + +"A vast deal of nonsense is talked in the name of philosophy," he +observed, in a tone of gay self-confidence peculiar to him, and more +indicative of character than even what he said. "People seem to think +that they have only to quote Spencer or Huxley, or take an interest in +heredity, to justify themselves in throwing off all the trammels, as +they would regard them, of duty and common sense." + +"I have not observed that tendency," said Miss Du Prel. + +"Really. I regret to say that I notice everywhere a disposition to evade +responsibilities which, in former days, would have been honestly and +contentedly accepted." + +"Our standards are all changing," said Miss Du Prel. "It does not follow +that they are changing for the worse." + +"It seems to me that they are not so much changing, as disappearing +altogether," said Temperley cheerfully, "especially among women. We hear +a great deal about rights, but we hear nothing about duties." + +"We are perhaps, a little tired of hearing about duties," said Miss Du +Prel. + +"You admit then what I say," he returned placidly. "Every woman wants to +be Mary, and no one will be Martha." + +"I make just the opposite complaint," cried Miss Du Prel. + +"Dear me, quite a different way of looking at it. I confess I have scant +patience with these interfering women, who want to turn everything +upside down, instead of quietly minding their duties at home." + +"I know it is difficult to make people understand," said Miss Du Prel, +with malice. + +"I should esteem it a favour to be enlightened," returned Temperley. + +"You were just now condemning socialism, Mr. Temperley, because you say +that it attempts to ignore the principle of the division of labour. Now, +when you lose patience with the few women who are refusing to be +Marthas, you ignore that principle yourself. You want all women to do +exactly the same sort of work, irrespective of their ability or their +bent of mind. May I ask why?" + +"Because I consider that is the kind of work for which they are best +fitted," replied Temperley serenely. + +"Then _you_ are to be judge and jury in the case; _your_ opinion, +not theirs, is to decide the matter. Supposing _I_ were to take upon +myself to judge what _you_ were best fitted for, and were to claim, +therefore, to decide for you what sort of life you should live, and what +sort of work you should undertake----?" + +"I should feel every confidence in resigning myself to your able judgment," +said Temperley, with a low bow. Miss Du Prel laughed. + +"Ah," she said, "you are at present, on the conquering side, and can afford +to jest on the subject." + +"It is no joke to jest with an able woman," he returned. "Seriously, I +have considerable sympathy with your view, and no wish to treat it +flippantly. But if I am to treat it seriously, I must admit frankly that +I think you forget that, after all, _Nature_ has something to say in +this matter." + +Engrossed in their conversation, they had, without thinking what they +were doing, passed through the open gate at the end of the avenue, and +walked on along the high road. + +Swarms of small birds flew out of the hedges, with a whirring sound, to +settle further on, while an incessant chatter was kept up on each side. + +"I often think that modern women might take example from these little +creatures," said Temperley, who, in common with many self-sufficient +persons, was fond of recommending humility to others. "_They_ never +attempt to shirk their lowly tasks on the plea of higher vocations. Not +one turns from the path marked out by our great Mother, who also teaches +her human children the same lesson of patient duty; but, alas! by them +is less faithfully obeyed." + +"If our great Mother wanted instinct she should not have bestowed +reason," said Miss Du Prel impatiently. + +Temperley had fallen into the dulcet strains of one who feels, not only +that he stands as the champion of true wisdom and virtue, but that he is +sure of support from the vast majority of his fellows. Miss Du Prel's +brusqueness seemed to suit her less admirable _rôle_. + +Temperley was tolerant and regretful. If Miss Du Prel would think for a +moment, she could not fail to see that Nature ... and so forth, in the +same strain of "pious devotion to other people's duties" as his +companion afterwards described it. She chafed at the exhortation to +"think for a moment." + +At that instant, the solitude was broken by the apparition of a dusty +wayfarer in knickerbockers and soft felt hat, coming towards them up the +road. He was a man of middle height and rather slim. He appeared about +five-and-thirty years of age. He had fair hair, and a strange, whimsical +face, irregular of feature, with a small moustache covering the upper +lip. + +Miss Du Prel looked startled, as she caught sight of the travel-stained +figure. She flushed deeply, and her expression changed to one of +bewilderment and uncertainty, then to one of incredulous joy. She +hastened forward, at length, and arrested the wayfarer. + +"Professor Fortescue, don't you remember me?" she cried excitedly. + +He gazed at her for a second, and then a look of amazement came into his +kind eyes, as he held out his hand. + +"Miss Du Prel! This is incredible!" + +They stood, with hand locked in hand, staring at one another. "By what +happy misunderstanding am I thus favoured by the gods?" exclaimed the +Professor. + +Miss Du Prel explained her presence. + +"Prodigious!" cried Professor Fortescue. "Fate must have some strange +plots in the making, unless indeed we fall to the discouraging +supposition that she deigns to jest." + +He said that he was on a walking tour, studying the geology of the +district, and that he had written to announce his coming to his old +friends, Mr. and Mrs. Fullerton, and to ask them to put him up. He +supposed that they were expecting him. + +Miss Du Prel was greatly excited. It was so long since they had met, and +it was so delightful to meet again. She had a hundred enquiries to make +about common friends, and about the Professor's own doings. + +She forgot Temperley's name, and her introduction was vague. The +Professor held out his hand cordially. Temperley was not allowed to feel +an intrusive third. This was in consequence of the new-comer's +kindliness of manner, and not at all because of Miss Du Prel, who had +forgotten Temperley's elegant existence. She had a look of surprise when +he joined in the conversation. + +"I can scarcely believe that it is ten years since I was here," cried +the Professor, pausing to look over a gate at the stretch of country. + +"I used to visit my friends at Dunaghee every autumn, and now if some +one were to assure me that I had been to sleep and dreamt a ten years' +dream, I should be disposed to credit it. Every detail the same; the +very cattle, the very birds--surely just those identical sparrows used +to fly before me along the hedgerows, in the good old times, ten years +ago! Ah! yes, it is only the human element that changes." + +"One is often so thankful for a change in that," Temperley remarked, +with an urbane sort of cynicism. + +"True," said Miss Du Prel; "but what is so discouraging is that so often +the charm goes, like the bloom of a peach, and only the qualities that +one regrets remain and prosper." + +"I think people improve with time, as often as they fall off," said the +Professor. + +The others shook their heads. + +"To him that hath shall be given, but to him that hath not----" The +Professor smiled a little sadly, in quoting the significant words. +"Well, well," he said, turning to Miss Du Prel, "I can't say how happy I +am to see you again. I have not yet got over my surprise. And so you +have made the acquaintance of the family at Dunaghee. I have the warmest +respect and affection for those dear folks. Mrs. Fullerton has the +qualities of a heroine, kind hostess as she is! And of what fine +Scottish stuff the old man is made--and a mind like crystal! What +arguments we used to have in that old study of his! I can see him now. +And how genial! A man could never forget it, who had once received his +welcome." + +Such was Miss Du Prel's impression, when ten minutes later the meeting +took place between the Professor and his old friend. + +It would indeed have been hard to be anything but genial to the +Professor. Hadria remembered him and his kindness to her and the rest of +the children, in the old days; the stories he used to tell when he took +them for walks, stories full of natural lore more marvellous than any +fairy tale, though he could tell fairy tales too, by the dozen. He had +seemed to them like some wonderful and benevolent magician, and they +adored him, one and all. And what friends he used to be with Ruffian, +the brown retriever, and with every living creature on the place! + +The tennis-party began to break up, shortly after the Professor's +arrival. Temperley lingered to the last. + +"Is that a son of the celebrated Judge Temperley?" asked one of the +bystanders. + +"His eldest son," answered Mr. Gordon; "a man who ought to make his +mark, for he has splendid chances and good ability." + +"I have scarcely had a word with you, the whole afternoon," Temperley +said to Hadria, who had sunk upon a seat, tired with making herself +agreeable, as she observed. + +"That is very sad; but when one has social gatherings, one never does +have a word with anybody. I think that must be the object of them--to +accustom people to do without human sympathy." + +Temperley tried to start a conversation, taking a place beside her, on +the seat, and setting himself to draw her out. It was obvious that he +found her interesting, either as a study or in a less impersonal sense. +Hadria, feeling that her character was being analysed, did what many +people do without realizing it: she instinctively arranged its lights +and shades with a view to artistic effect. It was not till late that +night, when the events of the day passed before her in procession, that +she recognized what she had done, and laughed at herself. She had not +attempted to appear in a better light than she deserved; quite as often +as not, she submitted to appear in a worse light; her effort had been to +satisfy some innate sense of proportion or form. The instinct puzzled +her. + +Also she became aware that she was interested in Hubert Temperley. Or +was it that she was interested in his interest in her? She could not be +certain. She thought it was direct interest. She felt eager to know more +of him; above all, to hear him play. + +On returning to the house, after Temperley had, at last, felt compelled +to depart, Hadria found her father and mother and their guest, gathered +together before the cheery fire in the study. Hearing his daughter's +step, her father opened the door and called her in. Till now, the +Professor had not seen her, having been hurried into the house, to +change his clothes and have something to eat. + +As she entered, rather shyly, he rose and gave a gasp of astonishment. + +"You mean to tell me that this is the little girl who used to take me +for walks, and who had such an inordinate appetite for stories! Good +heavens, it is incredible!" + +He held out a thin, finely-formed hand, with a kind smile. + +"They change so much at that age, in a short time," said Mrs. Fullerton, +with a glance of pride; for her daughter was looking brilliantly +handsome, as she stood before them, with flushed cheeks and a soft +expression, which the mere tones of the Professor's voice had power to +summon in most human faces. He looked at her thoughtfully, and then +rousing himself, he brought up a chair for her, and the group settled +again before the fire. + +"Do you know," said the Professor, "I was turning into a French +sweet-shop the other day, to buy my usual tribute for the children, when +I suddenly remembered that they would no longer be children, and had to +march out again, crestfallen, musing on the march of time and the +mutability of things human--especially children." + +"It's ridiculous," cried Mr. Fullerton. "I am always lecturing them +about it, but they go on growing just the same." + +"And how they make you feel an old fogey before you know where you are! +And I thought I was quite a gay young fellow, upon my word!" + +"You, my dear Chantrey! why you'd be a gay young fellow at ninety!" said +Mr. Fullerton. + +The Professor laughed and shook his head. + +"And so this is really my little playfellow!" he exclaimed, nodding +meditatively. "I remember her so well; a queer, fantastic little being +in those days, with hair like a black cloud, and eyes that seemed to +peer out of the cloud, with a perfect passion of enquiry. She used to +bewilder me, I remember, with her strange, wise little sayings! I always +prophesied great things from her! Ernest, too, I remember: a fine little +chap with curly, dark hair--rather like a young Italian, but with +features less broadly cast; drawn together and calmed by his northern +blood. Yes, yes; it seems but yesterday," he said, with a smile and a +sigh; "and now my little Italian is at college, with a bored manner and +a high collar." + +"Oh, no; Ernest's a dear boy still," cried Hadria. "Oxford hasn't spoilt +him a bit. I do wish he was at home for you to see him." + +"Ah! you mustn't hint at anything against Ernest in Hadria's presence!" +cried Mr. Fullerton, with an approving laugh. + +"Not for the world!" rejoined the Professor. "I was only recalling one +or two of my young Oxford acquaintances. I might have known that a +Fullerton had too much stuff in him to make an idiot of himself in that +way." + +"The boy has distinguished himself too," said Mr. Fullerton. + +"Everyone says he will do splendidly," added the mother; "and you can't +think how modest he is about himself, and how anxious to do well, and to +please us by his success." + +"Ah! that's good." + +The Professor was full of sympathy. Hadria was astonished to see how +animated her mother had become under his influence. + +They fell again to recalling old times; little trivial incidents which +had seemed so unimportant at the moment, but now carried a whole epoch +with them, bringing back, with a rush, the genial memories. Hadria +remembered that soon after his last visit, the Professor had married a +beautiful wife, and that about a year or so later, the wife had died. It +was said that she had killed herself. This set Hadria speculating. + +The visitor reminded his companions of various absurd incidents of the +past, sending Mr. Fullerton into paroxysms of laughter that made the +whole party laugh in sympathy. Mrs. Fullerton too was already wiping her +streaming eyes as the Professor talked on in his old vein, with just +that particular little humourous manner of his that won its way so +surely to the hearts of his listeners. For a moment, in the midst of the +bright talk and the mirth that he had created, the Professor lost the +thread, and his face, as he stared into the glowing centre of the fire, +had a desolate look; but it was so quick to pass away that one might +have thought oneself the victim of a fancy. His was the next chuckle, +and "Do you remember that day when----?" and so forth, Mr. Fullerton's +healthy roar following, avalanche-like, upon the reminiscence. + +"We thought him a good and kind magician when we were children," was +Hadria's thought, "and now one is grown up, there is no disillusion. He +is a good and kind magician still." + +He seemed indeed to have the power to conjure forth from their +hiding-places, the finer qualities of mind and temperament, which had +lain dormant, perhaps for years, buried beneath daily accumulations of +little cares and little habits. The creature that had once looked forth +on the world, fresh and vital, was summoned again, to his own surprise, +with all his ancient laughter and his tears. + +"This man," Hadria said to herself, drawing a long, relieved breath, "is +the best and the most generous human being I have ever met." + +She went to sleep, that night, with a sweet sense of rest and security, +and an undefined new hope. If such natures were in existence, then there +must be a great source of goodness and tenderness somewhere in heaven or +earth, and the battle of life must be worth the fighting. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +The Professor's presence in the house had a profound influence on the +inmates, one and all. The effect upon his hostess was startling. He drew +forth her intellect, her sense of humour, her starved poetic sense; he +probed down among the dust and rust of years, and rescued triumphantly +the real woman, who was being stifled to death, with her own connivance. + +Hadria was amazed to see how the new-comer might express any idea he +pleased, however heterodox, and her mother only applauded. + +His manner to her was exquisitely courteous. He seemed to understand all +that she had lost in her life, all its disappointments and sacrifices. + +On hearing that Miss Du Prel was among the Professor's oldest friends, +Mrs. Fullerton became suddenly cordial to that lady, and could not show +her enough attention. The evenings were often spent in music, Temperley +being sometimes of the party. He was the only person not obviously among +the Professor's admirers. + +"However cultivated or charming a person may be," Temperley said to +Hadria, "I never feel that I have found a kindred spirit, unless the +musical instinct is strong." + +"Nor I." + +"Professor Fortescue has just that one weak point." + +"Oh, but he is musical, though his technical knowledge is small." + +But Temperley smiled dubiously. + +The Professor, freed from his customary hard work, was like a schoolboy. +His delight in the open air, in the freshness of the hills, in the +peace of the mellow autumn, was never-ending. + +He loved to take a walk before breakfast, so as to enjoy the first +sweetness of the morning; to bathe in some clear pool of the river; to +come into healthy contact with Nature. Never was there a brighter or a +wholesomer spirit. Yet the more Hadria studied this clear, and vigorous, +and tender nature, the more she felt, in him, the absence of that +particular personal hold on life which so few human beings are without, +a grip usually so hard to loosen, that only the severest experience, and +the deepest sorrow have power to destroy it. + +Hadria's letters to her sister, at this time, were full of enthusiasm. +"You cannot imagine what it is, or perhaps you _can_ imagine what it +is to have the society of three such people as I now see almost every day. + +"You say I represent them as impossible angels, such as earth never +beheld, but you are wrong. I represent them as they are. I suppose the +Professor has faults--though he does not show them to us--they must be +of the generous kind, at any rate. Father says that he never could keep +a farthing; he would always give it away to undeserving people. Miss Du +Prel, I find on closer acquaintance, is not without certain jealousies +and weaknesses, but these things just seem to float about as gossamer on +a mountain-side, and one counts them in relation to herself, in about +the same proportion. Mr. Temperley--I don't know quite what to say about +him. He is a tiny bit too precise and finished perhaps--a little wanting +in _élan_--but he seems very enlightened and full of polite information; +and ah, his music! When he is playing I am completely carried away. If +he said then, 'Miss Fullerton, may I have the pleasure of your society +in the infernal regions?' I should arise and take his arm and reply, +'Delighted,' and off we would march. But what am I saying? Mr. Temperley +would never ask anything so absurd. + +"You would have thought that when Miss Du Prel and Professor Fortescue +arrived on the scene, I had about enough privileges; but no, Destiny, +waking up at last to her duties, remembers that I have a maniacal +passion for music, and that this has been starved. So she hastens to +provide for me a fellow maniac, a brother in Beethoven, who comes and +fills my world with music and my soul with----But I must not rave. The +music is still in my veins; I am not in a fit state to write reasonable +letters. Here comes Mr. Temperley for our practice. No more for the +present." + +Temperley would often talk to Hadria of his early life, and about his +mother and sister. Of his mother he spoke with great respect and +affection, the respect perhaps somewhat conventional, and allowing one +to see, through its meshes, the simple fact that she was looked up to as +a good and dutiful parent, who had worshipped her son from his birth, +and perfectly fulfilled his ideas of feminine excellency. From her he +had learnt the lesser Catechism and the Lord's Prayer, since discarded, +but useful in their proper season. Although he had ceased to be an +orthodox Christian, he felt that he was the better for having been +trained in that creed. He had a perfect faith in the system which had +produced himself. + +"I think you would like my mother," said Temperley. + +Hadria could scarcely dispute this. + +"And I am sure she would like you." + +"On that point I cannot offer an opinion." + +"Don't you ever come to town?" he asked. + +"We go to Edinburgh occasionally," she replied with malice, knowing that +he meant London. + +He set her right. + +"No; my father hates London, and mother never goes away without him." + +"What a pity! But do you never visit friends in town?" + +"Yes; my sister and I have spent one or two seasons in Park Lane, with +some cousins." + +"Why don't you come this next season? You ought to hear some good +music." + +The _tête-a-tête_ was interrupted by the Professor. Temperley looked +annoyed. It struck Hadria that Professor Fortescue had a very sad +expression when he was not speaking. He seemed to her lonely, and in +need of the sort of comfort that he brought so liberally to others. + +Although he had talked to Hadria about a thousand topics in which they +were both interested, there had been nothing personal in their +conversation. He was disposed, at times, to treat her in a spirit of +affectionate banter. + +"To think that I should ever have dared to offer this young lady +acidulated drops!" he exclaimed on one occasion, when Hadria was looking +flushed and perturbed. + +"Ah! shall I ever forget those acidulated drops!" she cried, +brightening. + +"You don't mean to say that you would stoop to them now?" + +"It is not one's oldest friends who always know one best," she replied +demurely. + +"I shall test you," he said. + +And on that same day, he walked into Ballochcoil, and when he returned, +he offered her, with a solemn twinkle in his eye, a good-sized paper bag +of the seductive sweetmeat; taking up his position on the top of a low +dyke, and watching her, while she proceeded to make of that plump white +bag, a lank and emaciated bag, surprising to behold. He sat and looked +on, enjoying his idleness with the zest of a hard worker. The twinkle of +amusement faded gradually from his face, and the sadness that Hadria had +noticed the day before, returned to his eyes. She was leaning against +the dyke, pensively enjoying her festive meal. The dark fresh blue of +her gown, and the unwonted tinge of colour in her cheeks, gave a +vigorous and healthful impression, in harmony with the weather-beaten +stones and the windy breadth of the northern landscape. + +The Professor studied the face with a puzzled frown. He flattered +himself that he was a subtle physiognomist, but in this case, he would +not have dared to pronounce judgment. Danger and difficulty might have +been predicted, for it was a moving face, one that could not be looked +upon quite coldly. And the Professor had come to the conclusion, from +his experience of life, that the instinct of the average human being +whom another has stirred to strong emotion, is to fasten upon and +overwhelm that luckless person, to burden him with responsibilities, to +claim as much of time, and energy, and existence, as can in any way be +wrung from him, careless of the cost to the giver. + +Professor Fortescue noticed, as Hadria looked down, a peculiar +dreaminess of expression, and something indefinable, which suggested a +profoundly emotional nature. At present, the expression was softened. +That this softness was not altogether trustworthy, however, the +Professor felt sure, for he had seen, at moments, when something had +deeply stirred her, expressions anything but soft come into her face. +He thought her capable of many things of which the well-brought-up young +Englishwoman is not supposed to dream. It seemed to him, that she had at +least two distinct natures that were at war with one another: the one +greedy and pleasure-loving, careless and even reckless; the other +deep-seeing and aspiring. But which of these two tendencies would +experience probably foster? + +"I wonder what you like best, next to acidulated drops," he said at +length, with one of his half-bantering smiles. + +"There are few things in this wide world that can be mentioned in the +same breath with them, but toffy also has its potency upon the spirit." + +"I like not this mocking tone." + +"Then I will not mock," she said. + +"Yes, Hadria," he went on meditatively, "you have grown up, if an old +friend may make such remarks, very much as I expected, from the promise +of your childhood. You used to puzzle me even then." + +"Do I puzzle you now?" she asked. + +"Inexpressibly!" + +"How amusing! But how?" + +"One can generally see at a glance, or pretty soon, the general trend of +a character. But not with you. Nothing that I might hear of you in the +future, would very much surprise me. I should say to myself, 'Yes, the +germ was there.'" + +Hadria paled a little. "Either good or bad you mean?" + +"Well----" + +"Yes, I understand." She drew herself together, crossing her arms, and +looking over the hills, with eyes that burned with a sort of fear and +defiance mingled. It was a singular expression, which the Professor +noted with a sense of discomfort. + +Hadria slowly withdrew her eyes from the horizon, and bent them on the +ground. + +"You must have read some of my thoughts," she said. "I often wonder how +it is, that the world can drill women into goodness at all." She raised +her head, and went on in a low, bitter tone: "I often wonder why it is, +that they don't, one and all, fling up their _rôles_ and revenge +themselves to the best of their ability--intentionally, I mean--upon the +world that makes them live under a permanent insult. I think, at times, +that I should thoroughly enjoy spending my life in sheer, unmitigated +vengeance, and if I did"--she clenched her hands, and her eyes +blazed--"if I did, I would not do my work by halves!" + +"I am sure you would not," said the Professor dryly. + +"But I shall not do anything of the kind," she added in a different +tone; "women don't. They always try to be good, always, _always_--the +more fools they! And the more they are good, the worse things get." + +"Ah! I thought there was some heterodox sentiment lurking here at high +pressure!" exclaimed the Professor. + +Hadria sighed. "I have just been receiving good advice from Mrs. +Gordon," she said, flushing at the remembrance, "and I think if you knew +the sort of counsel it was, that you would understand one's feeling a +little fierce and bitter. Oh, not with her, poor woman! She meant it in +kindness. But the most cutting thing of all is, that what she said is +_true!_" + +"That _is_ exactly the worst thing," said the Professor, who seemed to +have divined the nature of Mrs. Gordon's advice. + +Hadria coloured. It hurt as well as astonished her, that he should guess +what had been said. + +"Ah! a woman ought to be born without pride, or not at all! I wish to +heaven that our fatal sex could be utterly stamped out!" + +The Professor smiled, a little sadly, at her vehemence. + +"We are accused of being at the bottom of every evil under heaven," she +added, "and I think it is true. _That_ is some consolation, at any +rate!" + +In spite of her immense reverence for the Professor, she seemed to have +grown reckless as to his opinion. + +The next few days went strangely, and not altogether comprehensibly. +There was a silent warfare between Professor Fortescue and Hubert +Temperley. + +"I have never in my life before ventured to interfere in such matters," +the Professor said to Miss Du Prel; "but if that fellow marries Hadria, +one or both will live to rue it." + +"I think it's the best thing that could happen to her," Miss Du Prel +declared. + +"But they are not suited to one another," said the Professor. + +"Men and women seldom are!" + +"Then why----?" the Professor began. + +"He is about as near as she will get," Valeria interrupted. "I will +never stand in the way of a girl's marrying a good, honest man. There is +not one chance in ten thousand that Hadria will happen to meet exactly +the right person. I have made a mistake in my life. I shall do all in my +power to urge her to avoid following in my footsteps." + +It was useless for the Professor to remonstrate. + +"I pity Mr. Temperley, though I am so fond of Hadria," said Miss Du +Prel. "If he shatters _her_ illusions, she will certainly shatter +_his_." + +The event that they had been expecting, took place. During one of the +afternoon practices, when, for a few minutes, Mrs. Fullerton had left +the room, Temperley startled Hadria by an extremely elegant proposal of +marriage. He did not seem surprised at her refusal, though he pleaded +his cause with no little eloquence. Hadria found it a painful ordeal. +She shrank from the ungracious necessity to disappoint what appeared to +be a very ardent hope. Happily, the interview was cut short by the +entrance of Mr. Fullerton. The old man was not remarkable for _finesse_. +He gave a dismayed "Oh!" He coughed, suppressed a smile, and murmuring +some lame enquiry as to the progress of the music, turned and marched +out of the room. The sound of laughter was presently heard from the +dining-room below. + +"Father is really too absurd!" cried Hadria, "there is _no_ tragedy that +he is incapable of roaring at!" + +"I fear his daughter takes after him," said Temperley with a tragi-comic +smile. + +When Hadria next met her father, he asked, with perfect but suspicious +gravity, about the music that they had been practising that afternoon. +He could not speak too highly of music as a pastime. He regretted having +rushed in as he did--it must have been so disturbing to the music. Why +not have a notice put up outside the door on these occasions: "Engaged"? +Then the meanest intelligence would understand, and the meanest +intelligence was really a thing one had to count with, in this +blundering world! + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +Hubert Temperley left Drumgarren suddenly. He said that he had business +to attend to in town. + +"That foolish girl has refused him!" exclaimed Valeria, when she heard +of it. + +"Thank heaven!" ejaculated Professor Fortescue. + +Valeria's brow clouded. "Why are you so anxious about the matter?" + +"Because I know that a marriage between those two would end in misery." + +Valeria spoke very seriously to Hadria on the subject of marriage, +urging the importance of it, and the wretchedness of growing old in +solitude. + +"Better even that, than to grow old in uncongenial company," said +Hadria. + +Valeria shrugged her shoulders. "One could go away when it became +oppressive," she suggested, at which Hadria laughed. + +"What an ideal existence!" + +"Are you still dreaming of an ideal existence?" + +"Why not?" + +"Well, dream while you may," said Miss Du Prel. "My time of dreaming was +the happiest of all." + +On one occasion, when Hadria and the Professor went to call at Craw +Gill, they found Miss Du Prel in the gloomiest of moods. Affection, +love?--the very blood and bones of tragedy. Solitude, indifference?--its +heart. And if for men the world was a delusion, for women it was a +torture-chamber. Nature was dead against them. + +"Why do you say that?" asked Hadria. + +"Because of the blundering, merciless way she has made us; because of +the needs that she has put into our hearts, and the preposterous payment +that she demands for their fulfilment; because of the equally +preposterous payment she exacts, if we elect to do without that which +she teaches us to yearn for." + +Professor Fortescue, admitting the dilemma, laid the blame on the +stupidity of mankind. + +The discussion was excited, for Valeria would not allow the guilt to be +thus shifted. In vain the Professor urged that Nature offers a large +choice to humanity, for the developing, balancing, annulling of its +various forces of good and evil, and that it is only when the choice is +made that heredity steps in and fixes it. This process simulates +Necessity, or what we call Nature. "Heredity may be a powerful friend, +or a bitter enemy, according as we treat her," he said. + +"Then our sex must have treated her very badly!" cried Miss Du Prel. + +"Or _our_ sex must have obliged yours to treat her badly, which comes +to the same thing," said the Professor. + +They had agreed to take a walk by the river, towards Ballochcoil. It was +hoped that the fresh air and sunshine would cheer Miss Du Prel. The +Professor led the conversation to her favourite topic: ancient Greek +literature, but this only inspired her to quote the discouraging opinion +of the _Medea_ of Euripedes. + +The Professor laughed. "I see it is a really bad attack," he said. "I +sympathize. I have these inconsolable moods myself, sometimes." + +They came upon the Greek temple on the cliff-side, and paused there to +rest, for a few minutes. It was too cold to linger long under the +slender columns. They walked on, till they came in sight of the bare +little church of Ballochcoil. + +The Professor instinctively turned to compare the two buildings. "The +contrast between them is so extraordinary!" he exclaimed. + +Nothing could have been more eloquent of the difference in the modes of +thought which they respectively represented. + +"If only they had not made such fools of their women, I should like to +have lived at Athens in the time of Pericles!" exclaimed Hadria. + +"I," said Valeria, "would choose rather the Middle Ages, with their +mysticism and their romance." + +The discussion on this point continued till the church was reached. A +psalm was being sung, in a harsh but devout fashion, by the +congregation. The sound managed to find its way to the sweet outer air, +though the ugly rectangular windows were all jealously closed against +its beneficence. + +The sky had become overcast, and a few drops of rain having given +warning of a shower, it was thought advisable to take shelter in the +porch, till it was over. The psalm was ground out slowly, and with +apparent fervour, to the end. + +Then the voice of the minister was heard wrestling in prayer. + +The Professor looked grave and sad, as he stood listening. It was +possible to hear almost all the prayer through the red baize door, and +the words, hackneyed though they were, and almost absurd in their pious +sing-song, had a naïf impressiveness and, to the listener, an intense +pathos. + +The minister prayed for help and comfort for his congregation. There had +been much sickness in the village during the summer, and many were in +trouble. The good man put forth his petition to the merciful and mighty +Father, that strength might be given to the sufferers to bear all that +was sent in chastisement, for they knew that nothing would be given +beyond their ability to endure. He assured the great and mighty Lord +that He had power to succour, and that His love was without end; he +prayed that as His might and His glory were limitless, so might His +mercy be to the miserable sinners who had offended Him. + +Age after age, this same prayer, in different forms, had besieged the +throne of heaven. Age after age, the spirit of man had sought for help, +and mercy, and inspiration, in the Power that was felt, or imagined, +behind the veil of mystery. + +From the village at the foot of the hill, vague sounds floated up, and +presently, among them and above them, could be heard the yelping and +howling of a dog. + +The minister, at the moment, was glorifying his Creator and his race at +the same time, by addressing Him as "Thou who hast given unto us, Thy +servants, dominion over the beasts of the field and over every living +thing, that they may serve us and minister unto us----" + +Again, and more loudly, came the cry of distress. + +"I must go and see what is the matter," exclaimed the Professor. At the +moment, the howling suddenly ceased, and he paused. The minister was +still appealing to his God for mercy. "Out of the deep have I cried unto +Thee, O Lord----," and then there was a general prayer, in which the +voices of the congregation joined. Some more singing and praying took +place, before the sound of a sudden rush and movement announced the +conclusion of the service. + +"We had better go," said Miss Du Prel. + +They had no more than time to leave the porch, before the doors burst +open, and the people streamed forth. A whiff of evil-smelling air issued +from the building, at the same time. The dog was howling more piteously +than ever. Someone complained of the disturbance that had been caused by +the creature's cries, during worship. The congregation continued to pour +out, dividing into little groups to discuss the sermon or something of +more mundane interest. An appearance of superhuman respectability +pervaded the whole body. The important people, some of whom had their +carriages waiting to drive them home, lingered a few moments, to +exchange greetings, and to discuss sporting prospects or achievements. +Meanwhile, one of the creatures over whom God had given them dominion, +was wailing in vain appeal. + +"I can't stand this," cried the Professor, and he started off. + +"I will come too," Hadria announced. Miss Du Prel said that she could +not endure the sight of suffering, and would await their return. + +And then occurred the incident that made this afternoon memorable to +Hadria. In her last letter to her sister, she had said that she could +not imagine the Professor contemptuous or angry. She had reason now to +change her mind. His face was at once scornful and sad. For a moment, +Hadria thought that he was displeased with her. + +"I sometimes feel," he said, with a scornful bitterness that she had not +suspected in him, "I sometimes feel that this precious humanity of ours +that we are eternally worshipping and exalting, is but a mean, miserable +thing, after all, not worth a moment's care or effort. One's sympathy is +wasted. Look at these good people whining to their heavenly Father about +their own hurts, craving for a pity of which they have not a spark +themselves!--puffed up with their little lordship over the poor beasts +that they do not hesitate to tear, and hurt, and torture, for their own +pleasure, or their own benefit,--to whom they, in their turn, love to +play the God. Cowards! And having used their Godhead for purposes of +cruelty, they fling themselves howling on their knees before their +Almighty Deity and beg for mercy, which He too knows how to refuse!" + +"Thank heaven!" exclaimed Hadria. She drew a deep sigh of relief. +Without precisely realizing the fact, she had been gradually sinking +into an unformulated conviction that human beings are, at heart, +ruthless and hard, as soon as they are brought beyond the range of +familiar moral claims, which have to be respected on pain of popular +censure. Self-initiated pity was nowhere to be found. The merciless +coldness of many excellent people (kind and tender, perhaps, within +these accepted limits) had often chilled her to the heart, and prompted +a miserable doubt of the eventual victory of good over evil in the +world, which her father always insisted was ruled by mere brute force, +and would be so ruled to the end of time. She had tried to find a wider, +more generous, and less conventional standard in her oracle, Miss Du +Prel, but to her bitter disappointment, that lady had shrugged her +shoulders a little callously, as soon as she was asked to extend her +sympathy outside the circle of chartered candidates for her merciful +consideration. Hadria's hero-worship had suffered a severe rebuff. Now, +as the Professor spoke, it was as if a voice from heaven had bidden her +believe and hope fearlessly in her race, and in its destiny. + +"I had almost come to shrink a little from people," she said, "as from +something cruel and savage, at heart, without a grain of real, untaught +pity." + +"There is only just enough to swear by," said the Professor sadly. "We +are a lot of half-tamed savages, after all, but we may be thankful that +a capacity for almost infinite development is within us." + +"I wish to heaven we could get on a little faster," exclaimed Hadria. + +The incident proved, in the end, a fortunate one for the homeless, and +almost starving terrier, of plebeian lineage, whose wail of distress had +summoned two friends to the rescue. The creature had been ill-treated by +some boys, who found Sunday afternoon hang heavy on their hands. The +Professor carried the injured animal across the fields and through the +woods, to Dunaghee. + +Here the wounds were dressed, and here the grateful creature found a new +and blissful home. His devotion to the Professor was unbounded; he +followed him everywhere. + +Hadria's reverence and admiration rose to the highest pitch of +enthusiasm. Her father laughed at her. "Just as if any decent fellow +would not have done as much for a wounded brute!" + +"There must have been a strange dearth of decent fellows in church that +morning then." + +It was not merely the action, but the feeling revealed by the +Professor's words on that occasion, that had turned Hadria's sentiment +towards him, into one of worship. + +Algitha warned her that even the Professor was human. + +Hadria said she did not believe it, or rather she believed that he was +inordinately, tenderly, superlatively human, and that he had gone many +steps farther in that direction than the rest of his generation. He was +dowered with instincts and perceptions belonging to some kinder, nobler +race than ours. + +Miss Du Prel looked grave. She took occasion to mention that the +Professor had never ceased to grieve for his wife, to whom he had been +passionately attached, and that he, almost alone among men, would never +love any other woman. + +"I admire him only the more for that," said Hadria. + +"Don't let yourself care too much for him." + +"Too much!" + +"Don't fall in love with him, if I must be frank." + +Hadria was silent. "If one _were_ to fall in love at all, I don't see +how it would be possible to avoid his being the man," she pronounced at +last. "I defy any creature with the least vestige of a heart to remain +indifferent to him." (Valeria coloured.) "Why there isn't a man, woman, +child, or animal about the place who doesn't adore him; and what can _I_ +do?" + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +The autumn was now on the wane; the robins sang clear, wild little songs +in the shrubberies, the sunshine fell slanting across the grass. And at +night, the stars twinkled with a frosty brilliancy, and the flowers were +cut down by cruel invisible hands. The long dark evenings and the +shrieking winds of winter were before them. + +With the shortening of the days, and the sweeping away of great shoals +of leaves, in the frequent gales, Miss Du Prel's mood grew more and more +sombre. At last she announced that she could stand the gloom of this +wild North no longer. She had made arrangements to return to London, on +the morrow. As suddenly as she had appeared on the scene, she vanished, +leaving but one day to grieve at the prospect of parting. + +It was through an accidental turn in the conversation, on this last day, +that the difference between her creed and the Professor's was brought to +light, accounting to Hadria for many things, and increasing, if +possible, her admiration for the unconscious Professor. + +As for her own private and personal justification for hope, Valeria +asserted that she had none. Not even the thought of her work--usually a +talisman against depression--had any power to comfort. Who cared for her +work, unless she perjured herself, and told the lies that the public +loved to hear? + +"What should we all do," asked Hadria, "if there were not a few people +like you and Professor Fortescue, in the world, to keep us true to our +best selves, and to point to something infinitely better than that +best?" + +Miss Du Prel brightened for a moment. + +"What does it matter if you do not provide mental food for the crowd, +seeking nourishment for their vulgarity? Let them go starve." + +"But they don't; they go and gorge elsewhere. Besides, the question of +starvation faces _me_ rather than them." + +Miss Du Prel was still disposed to find fault with the general scheme of +things, which she regarded as responsible for her own woes, great and +little. Survival of the fittest! What was that but another name for the +torture and massacre of the unfit? Nature's favourite instruments were +war, slaughter, famine, misery (mental and physical), sacrifice and +brutality in every form, with a special malignity in her treatment of +the most highly developed and the noblest of the race. + +The Professor in vain pointed out that Valeria's own revolt against the +brutality of Nature, was proof of some higher law in Nature, now in +course of development. + +"The horror that is inspired in human beings by that brutality is just +as much a part of Nature as the brutality itself," he said, and he +insisted that the supreme business of man, was to evolve a scheme of +life on a higher plane, wherein the weak shall not be forced to agonize +for the strong, so far as mankind can intervene to prevent it. Let man +follow the dictates of pity and generosity in his own soul. They would +never lead him astray. While Miss Du Prel laid the whole blame upon +natural law, the Professor impeached humanity. Men, he declared, cry out +against the order of things, which they, in a large measure, have +themselves created. + +"But, good heavens! the whole plan of life is one of rapine. _We_ did +not fashion the spider to prey upon the fly, or the cat to play with the +wounded mouse. _We_ did not ordain that the strong should fall upon the +weak, and tear and torture them for their own benefit. Surely we are not +responsible for the brutalities of the animal creation." + +"No, but we are responsible when we _imitate them_," said the Professor. + +Miss Du Prel somewhat inconsequently attempted to defend such imitation, +on the ground that sacrifice is a law of life, a law of which she had +just been bitterly complaining. But at this, the Professor would only +laugh. His opponent indignantly cited scientific authority of the most +solemn and weighty kind; the Professor shook his head. Familiarity with +weighty scientific authorities had bred contempt. + +"Vicarious sacrifice!" he exclaimed, with a sudden outbreak of the scorn +and impatience that Hadria had seen in him on one other occasion, "I +never heard a doctrine more insane, more immoral, or more suicidal!" + +Miss Du Prel hugged herself in the thought of her long list of scouted +authorities. They had assured her that our care of the weak, by +interfering with the survival of the fittest, is injuring the race. + +"Go down into the slums of our great cities, or to the pestilential +East, and there observe the survival of the fittest, undisturbed by +human knowledge or human pity," recommended the Professor. + +Miss Du Prel failed to see how this proved anything more than bad +general conditions. + +"It proves that however bad general conditions may be, _some_ wretches +will always survive; the 'fittest,' of course, to endure filth and +misery. Selection goes on without ceasing; but if the conditions are +bad, the surviving type will be miserable. Mere unaided natural +selection obviously cannot be trusted to produce a fine race." + +Nothing would convince Miss Du Prel that the preservation of weakly +persons was not injurious to the community. To this the Professor +replied, that what is lost by their salvation is more than paid back by +the better conditions that secured it. The strong, he said, were +strengthened and enabled to retain their strength by that which saves +the lives of the weak. + +"Besides, do you suppose a race could gain, in the long run, by defiance +of its best instincts? Never! If the laws of health in body and in mind +were at variance, leaving us a hard choice between physical and moral +disease, then indeed no despair could be too black. But all experience +and all insight testify to the exact opposite. Heavens, how +short-sighted people are! It is not the protection of the weak, but the +evil and stupid deeds that have made them so, that we have to thank for +the miseries of disease. And for our redemption--powers of the universe! +it is not to the cowardly sacrifice of the unfortunate that we must +trust, but to a more brotherly spirit of loyalty, a more generous +treatment of all who are defenceless, a more faithful holding together +among ourselves--weak and strong, favoured and luckless." + +Miss Du Prel was silent for a moment. Her sympathy but not her hope had +been roused. + +"I wish I could believe in your scheme of redemption," she said; "but, +alas! sacrifice has been the means of progress from the beginning of all +things, and so I fear it will be to the end." + +"I don't know what it will be at the end," said the Professor, dryly; +"for the present, I oppose with the whole strength of my belief and my +conscience, the cowardly idea of surrendering individuals to the +ferocity of a jealous and angry power, in the hope of currying favour +for the rest. We might just as well set up national altars and sacrifice +victims, after the franker fashion of the ancients. Morally, the +principles are precisely the same." + +"Scarcely; for _our_ object is to benefit humanity." + +"And theirs. Poor humanity!" cried the Professor. "What crimes are we +not ready to commit in thy name!" + +"That cannot be a crime which benefits mankind," argued Miss Du Prel. + +"It is very certain that it cannot eventually benefit mankind, if it +_be_ a crime," he retorted. + +"This sequence of ideas makes one dizzy!" exclaimed Hadria. + +The Professor smiled. "Moreover," he added, "we know that society has +formed the conditions of existence for each of her members; the whole +material of his misfortune, if he be ill-born and ill-conditioned. Is +society then to turn and rend her unlucky child whose misery was her +own birthday gift? Shall we, who are only too ready, as it is, to +trample upon others, in our haste and greed--shall we be encouraged in +this savage selfishness by what dares to call itself science, to play +one another false, instead of standing, with united front, to the powers +of darkness, and scorning to betray our fellows, human or animal, in the +contemptible hope of gaining by the treachery? Ah! you may quote +authorities, wise and good, till you are hoarse!" cried the Professor, +with a burst of energy; "but they will not convince me that black is +white. I care not who may uphold the doctrine of vicarious sacrifice; it +is monstrous, it is dastardly, it is _damnable!_" + +There are some sentences and some incidents that fix themselves, once +for all, in the memory, often without apparent reason, to remain as an +influence throughout life. In this fashion, the afternoon's discussion +registered itself in the memory of the silent member of the trio. + +In her dreams that night, those three concluding and energetic +adjectives played strange pranks, as, in dreams, words and phrases often +will. Her deep regret at Miss Du Prel's departure, her dread of her own +future, her growing sense of the torment, and horror, and sacrifice that +form so large a part of the order of the world, all appeared to be +united fantastically in malignant and threatening form, in the final +words of the Professor: "It is monstrous, it is dastardly, it is +damnable!" The agony of the whole earth seemed to hang over the sleeper, +hovering and black and intolerable, crushing her with a sense of +hopeless pity and fatigue. + +And on waking, though the absurd masquerading of words and thoughts had +ceased, she was still weighed down with the horror of the dream, which +she knew had a corresponding reality still more awful. And there was no +adversary to all this anguish; everybody acquiesced, nay, everybody +threw on yet another log to the martyr's pile, and coolly watched the +hungry flames at their work, for "Nature," they all agreed, demanded +sacrifice. + +It was in vain to turn for relief to the wise and good; the "wise" +insisted on keeping up the altar fires that they might appease the +blood-thirsty goddess by a continuous supply of victims (for the noble +purpose of saving the others); the "good" trusted to the decision of the +wise; they were humbly content to allow others to judge for them; for by +this means would they not secure some of the spoils? + +No, no; there was no help anywhere on earth, no help, no help. So ran +Hadria's thoughts, in the moments of vivid sensation, between sleeping +and waking. "Suffering, sacrifice, oppression: there is nothing else +under the sun, under the sun." + +Perhaps a brilliant beam that had found its way, like a message of +mercy, through the blind, and shone straight on to the pillow, had +suggested the form of the last thought. + +Hadria moved her hand into the ray, that she might feel the warmth and +"the illusion of kindness." + +There was one person, and at the moment, only one, whose existence was +comforting to remember. The hundreds of kind and good people, who were +merely kind and good where popular sentiment expected or commended such +conduct, gave no re-assurance; on the contrary, they proved the +desperation of our plight, since wisdom and goodness themselves were +busy at the savage work. + +When the party met at breakfast, an hour later, the Professor caused +universal consternation, by announcing that he would be obliged to +return to London on that very day, having received a letter, by the +morning's post, which left him no choice. The very butler paused, for a +perceptible period, while handing ham and eggs to the guest. Forks and +knives were laid down; letters remained unopened. + +"It's no use your attempting to go, my dear Chantrey," said Mr. +Fullerton, "we have grown accustomed to the luxury of your society, and +we can't get on without it." + +But the Professor explained that his departure was inevitable, and that +he must go by the morning train. + +He and Hadria had time for a short walk to the river, by the pathway of +the tunnels. + +"What are your plans for the winter?" the Professor asked. "I hope that +you will find time to develop your musical gift. It ought to be used and +not wasted, or worse than wasted, as all forces are, unless they find +their legitimate outlet. Don't be persuaded to do fancy embroidery, as a +better mode of employing energy. You have peculiar advantages of a +hereditary kind, if only you can get a reasonable chance to use them. I +have unbounded faith in the Fullerton stock. It has all the elements +that ought to produce powers of the highest order. You know I have +always cherished a warm affection for your parents, but ten years more +of experience have taught me better how to value that sterling sincerity +and honour in your father, united with so much kindliness, not to +mention his qualities of brain; and then your mother's strong sense of +duty, her ability, her native love of art, and her wonderful devotion. +These are qualities that one does not meet with every day, and the +children of such parents start in life with splendid material to fashion +into character and power." + +"Algitha will be worthy of our parents, I think," said Hadria, "though +she has commenced her career by disobeying them." + +"And you too must turn your power to account." + +"You can't conceive how difficult it is." + +"I can very easily. I see that the sacrifice of her own development, +which your mother has made for your sakes, is taking its inevitable +revenge upon her, and upon you all. One can't doom one's best powers to +decay, however excellent the motive, without bringing punishment upon +oneself and one's children, in some form or other. You will have to +fight against that penalty. I know you will not have a smooth time of +it; but who has, except cowards and weaklings? Your safeguard will be in +your work." + +"And my difficulty," said Hadria. "In the world that I was born into +(for my sins), when one tries to do something that other people don't +do, it is like trying to get up early in a house where the +breakfast-hour is late. Nothing fits in with one's eccentric custom; +everything conspires to discourage it." + +"I wish I could give you a helping hand," said the Professor wistfully; +"but one is so powerless. Each of us has to fight the real battle of +life alone. Nobody can see with our eyes, or feel with our nerves. The +crux of the difficulty each bears for himself. But friendship can help +us to believe the struggle worth while; it can sustain our courage and +it can offer sympathy in victory,--but still more faithfully in +defeat." + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +Hadria had determined upon making a strong and patient effort to pursue +her work during the winter, while doing her best, at the same time, to +please her mother, and to make up to her, as well as she could, for +Algitha's departure. She would not be dismayed by difficulties: as the +Professor said, only cowards and weaklings escaped these. She treated +herself austerely, and found her power of concentration increasing, and +her hold on herself greater. But, as usual, her greatest effort had to +be given, not to the work itself, but to win opportunity to pursue it. +Mrs. Fullerton opposed her daughter's endeavours as firmly as ever. It +was not good for a girl to be selfishly pre-occupied. She ought to think +of others. + +If Hadria yielded the point on any particular occasion, her mood and +her work were destroyed: if she resisted, they were equally destroyed, +through the nervous disturbance and the intense depression which +followed the winning of a liberty too dearly bought. The incessant +rising and quelling of her impulse and her courage--like the ebb and +flow of tides--represented a vast amount of force not merely wasted, but +expended in producing a dangerous wear and tear upon the system. The +process told upon her health, and was the beginning of the weakening and +unbalancing of the splendid constitution which Hadria, in common with +every member of the family, enjoyed as a birthright. The injury was +insidious but serious. Hadria, unable to command any certain part of the +day, began to sit up at night. This led to a direct clash of wills. Mr. +Fullerton said that the girl was doing her best to ruin her health for +life; Mrs. Fullerton wished to know why Hadria, who had all the day at +her disposal, could not spend the night rationally. + +"But I haven't all the day, or any part of it, for certain," said +Hadria. + +"If you grudge the little services you do for me, pray abandon them," +said the mother, genuinely hurt. + +Hadria entered her room, one evening, tired out and profoundly +depressed. A table, covered with books, stood beside the fire. She gave +the top-heavy pile an impatient thrust and the mass fell, with a great +crash, to the floor. A heap of manuscript--her musical achievement for +the past year--was involved in the fall. She contemplated the wreck +gravely. + +"Yes, it is I who am weak, not circumstance that is strong. If I could +keep my mind unmoved by the irritations; if I could quarrel with mother, +and displease father, and offend all the world without a qualm, or +without losing the delicate balance of thought and mood necessary for +composition, then I should, to some extent, triumph over my circumstances; +I should not lose so much time in this wretched unstringing. Only were I +so immovably constituted, is it probable that I should be able to compose +at all?" + +She drew the score towards her. "People are surprised that women have +never done anything noteworthy in music. People are so intelligent!" She +turned over the pages critically. If only this instinct were not so +overwhelmingly strong! Hadria wondered how many other women, from the +beginning of history, had cursed the impulse to create! Fortunately, it +was sometimes extinguished altogether, as to-night, for instance, when +every impression, every desire was swept clean out of her, and her mind +presented a creditable blank, such as really ought to satisfy the most +exacting social mentor. In such a state, a woman might be induced to +accept anything! + +Hadria brought out two letters from her pocket; one from the Professor, +the other from Miss Du Prel. The latter had been writing frequently of +late, pointing out the danger of Hadria's exaggerated ideas, and the +probability of their ruining her happiness in life. Valeria had suffered +herself from "ideas," and knew how fatal they were. Life _could_ not +be exactly as one would have it, and it was absolutely necessary, in order +to avoid misery for oneself and others, to consent to take things more +or less as they were; to make up one's mind to bend a little, rather +than have to break, in the end. Things were never quite so shocking as +they seemed to one's youthful imagination. The world was made up of +compromises. Good was mixed with evil everywhere. The domestic idea, as +Hadria called it, might be, in its present phase, somewhat offensive, +but it could be redeemed in its application, in the details and +"extenuating circumstances." Valeria could not warn Hadria too earnestly +against falling into the mistake that Valeria herself had made. She had +repudiated the notion of anything short of an ideal union; a perfect +comradeship, without the shadow of restraint or bondage in the +relationship; and not having found it, she had refused the tie +altogether. She could not bring herself to accept the lesser thing, +having conceived the possibility of the greater. She now saw her error, +and repented it. She was reaping the penalty in a lonely and unsatisfied +life. For a long time her work had seemed to suffice, but she felt now +that she had been trusting to a broken reed. She was terrified at her +solitude. She could not face the thought of old age, without a single +close tie, without a home, without a hold upon her race. + +She ended by entreating Hadria not to refuse marriage merely because she +could not find a man to agree with her in everything, or capable of +entering into the spirit of the relationship that perhaps would unite +the men and women of the future. It was a pity that Hadria had not been +born a generation later, but since she had come into the world at this +time of transition, she must try to avoid the tragedy that threatens all +spirits who are pointing towards the new order, while the old is still +working out its unexhausted impetus. + +This reiterated advice had begun to trouble Hadria. It did not convince +her, but Valeria's words were incessantly repeating themselves in her +mind; working as a ferment among her thoughts. + +The letters from Miss Du Prel and the Professor were to her, a source of +great pleasure and of great pain. In her depressed moods, they would +often rather increase her despondency, because the writers used to take +for granted so many achievements that she had not been able to accomplish. + +"They think I am living and progressing as they are; they do not know +that the riot and stir of intellectual life has ceased. I am like a +creature struggling in a quicksand." + +On the Professor's letter, the comments were of a different character. + +He had recommended her to read certain books, and reminded her that no +possessor of good books could lack the privilege of spiritual sanctuary. + +"Ah! yes, I know few pleasures so great as that of finding one's own +idea, or hope, or longing, finely expressed, half-born thoughts alive +and of stately stature; and then the exquisite touches of art upon quick +nerves, the enlarging of the realms of imagination, knowledge, the +heightening of perceptions, intuitions; finally the blessed power of +escaping from oneself, with the paradoxical reward of greater +self-realization! But, ah, Professor, to me there is a 'but' even here. +I am oppressed by a sense of the discrepancy between the world that +books disclose to me, and the world that I myself inhabit. In books, the +_impossibilities_ are all left out. They give you no sense of the sordid +Inevitable that looms so large on the grey horizon. Another more +personal quarrel that I have with books is on account of their attacking +all my pet prejudices, and sneering at the type of woman that I have the +misfortune to belong to. I am always exhorted to cure myself of being +myself. Nothing less would suffice. Now this is wounding. All my +particular feelings, my strongest beliefs, are condemned, directly or by +inference. I could almost believe that there is a literary conspiracy to +reform me. The "true women" of literature infallibly think and feel +precisely as I do _not_ think and feel, while the sentiments that I +detest--woe is me--are lauded to the skies. Truly, if we women don't +know exactly what we ought to think and feel, it is not for want of +telling. Yet you say, Professor, in this very letter, that the sense of +having a peculiar experience is always an illusion, that every feeling +of ours has been felt before, if not in our own day, then in the crowded +past, with its throngs of forgotten lives and unrecorded experiences. I +wish to heaven I could meet those who have had exactly mine!" + +Hadria did not keep up an active correspondence with Miss Du Prel or +with the Professor. She had no idea of adding to the burden of their +busy lives, by wails for sympathy. It seemed to her feeble, and +contemptible, to ask to be dragged up by their strength, instead of +exerting her own. If that were insufficient, why then let her go down, +as thousands had gone down before her. As a miser telling his gold, she +would read and re-read those occasional letters, written amidst the +stress of life at high pressure, and bearing evidence of that life of +thought and work, in their tense, full-packed phrases. With what a throb +of longing and envy Hadria used to feel the vibration through her own +nerves! It was only when completely exhausted and harassed that the +response was lacking. To-night everything seemed to be obliterated. Her +hope, her interest were, for the moment, tired out. Her friends would be +disappointed in her, but there was no help for it. + +She picked up the score of her music, and stood, with a handful of the +once precious offspring of her brain held out towards the flames. Then +she drew it back, and half closed her eyes in self-scrutinizing thought. +"Come now," she said to herself, "are you sincere in your intention of +giving up? Are you not doing this in a fit of spite against destiny? as +if destiny cared two straws. Heavens! what a poor little piece of +melodrama. And to think that you should have actually taken yourself in +it by it. One acts so badly with only oneself for audience. You know +perfectly well that you are _not_ going to give in, you are _not_ going +to attempt to stifle that which is the centre of your life; you have not +courage for such slow suicide. Don't add insincerity to the other faults +that are laid to your account----" She mused over the little +self-administered lecture. And probing down into her consciousness, she +realized that she could not face the thought of surrender. She meant to +fight on. The notion of giving in had been seized instinctively, for a +moment of rest. Nothing should really make her cease the struggle, until +the power itself had been destroyed. She was sure of it, in her heart, +in spite of failures and miserably inadequate expressions of it. +Suddenly, as a shaft of light through parting clouds, came bursting +forth, radiant, rejoicing, that sense of power, large, resistless, +genial as morning sunshine. Yes, yes, let them say what they might, +discourage, smile, or frown as they would, the faculty was given to her, +and she would fight for opportunity to use it while she had breath. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +As if it had all been ingeniously planned, the minutest incidents and +conditions of Hadria's life conspired towards the event that was to +decide its drift for ever. + +Often, in the dim afternoon, she would sit by the window and watch the +rain sweeping across the country, longing then for Temperley's music, +which used to make the wild scene so unspeakably beautiful. Now there +was no music, no music anywhere, only this fierce and mournful rush of +the wind, which seemed as if it were trying to utter some universal +grief. At sunset, braving the cold, she would mount the creaking +staircase, pass along the silent upper corridors, and on through the +empty rooms to the garret in the tower. The solitude was a relief; the +strangeness of the scene appealed to some wild instinct, and to the +intense melancholy that lurks in the Celtic nature. + +Even at night, she did not shrink from braving the glooms and silences +of the deserted upper floor, nor the solitude of the garret, which +appeared the deeper, from the many memories of happy evenings that it +evoked. She wished Ernest would come home. It was so long since she had +seen her favourite brother. She could not bear the thought of his +drifting away from her. What talks they had had in this old garret! + +These nights in the tower, among the winds, soothed the trouble of her +spirit as nothing else had power to do. The mystery of life, the thrill +of existence, touched her with a strange joy that ran perilously near to +pain. What vast dim possibilities lurked out there, in the hollows of +the hills! What inspiration thundered in the voice of the prophet wind! + +Once, she had gone downstairs and out, alone, in a tearing storm, to +wander across the bleak pastures, wrapt round by the wind as by a flame; +at one with the desperate elemental thing. + +The wanderer felt herself caught into the heart of some vast unknown +power, of which the wind was but a thrall, until she became, for a +moment, consciously part of that which was universal. Her personality +grew dim; she stood, as it seemed, face to face with Nature, divided +from the ultimate truth by only a thin veil, to temper the splendour and +the terror. Then the tension of personal feeling was loosened. She saw +how entirely vain and futile were the things of life that we grieve and +struggle over. + +It was not a side, an aspect of existence, but the whole of it that +seemed to storm round her, in the darkness. No wonder, when the wind was +let loose among the mountains, that the old Highland people thought that +their dead were about them. All night long, after Hadria returned to her +room in the keep, the wind kept up its cannonade against the walls, +hooting in the chimneys with derisive voices, and flinging itself, in +mad revolt, against the old-established hills and the stable earth, +which changed its forms only in slow obedience to the persuadings of the +elements, in the passing of centuries. It cared nothing for the passion +of a single storm. + +And then came reaction, doubt. After all, humanity was a puny production +of the Ages. Men and women were like the struggling animalculæ that her +father had so often shewn the boys, in a drop of magnified ditch-water; +yet not quite like those microscopic insects, for the stupendous +processes of life had at last created a widening consciousness, a mind +which could perceive the bewildering vastness of Nature and its own +smallness, which could, in some measure, get outside its own particular +ditch, and the strife and struggle of it, groping upwards for larger +realities-- + + "Over us stars and under us graves." + +To go down next morning to breakfast; to meet the usual homely events, +was bewildering after such a night. Which was dream: this or that? So +solid and convincing seemed, at times, the interests and objects of +every day, that Hadria would veer round to a sudden conviction that +these things, or what they symbolized, were indeed the solid facts of +human life, and that all other impressions arose from the disorderly +working of overcharged brain-cells. It was a little ailment of youth +and would pass off. Had it been possible to describe to her father the +impressions made upon her by the world and Nature, as they had presented +themselves to her imagination from her childhood, he would have +prescribed change of air and gymnastics. Perhaps that was the really +rational view of the matter. But what if these hygienic measures cured +her of the haunting consciousness of mystery and vastness; what if she +became convinced of the essential importance of the Gordon pedigree, or +of the amount of social consideration due to the family who had taken +Clarenoc? Would that alter the bewildering truths of which she would +have ceased to think? + +No; it would only mean that the animalcule had returned to the +occupations of its ditch, while the worlds and the peoples went spinning +to their destiny. + +"Do the duty that lies nearest thee," counselled everybody: people of +all kinds, books of all kinds. "Cheap, well-sounding advice," thought +Hadria, "sure of popularity! Continue to wriggle industriously, O +animalcule, in that particular ditch wherein it has pleased heaven to +place thee; seek not the flowing stream and the salt ocean; and if, some +clear night, a star finds room to mirror itself in thy little stagnant +world, shining through the fat weeds and slime that almost shut out the +heavens, pray be careful not to pay too much heed to the high-born +luminary. Look to your wriggling; that is your proper business. An +animalcule that does not wriggle must be morbid or peculiar. All will +tender, in different forms of varying elegance, the safe and simple +admonition: 'Wriggle and be damned to you!'" + + * * * * * + +It was at this somewhat fevered moment, that Hubert Temperley appeared, +once more, upon the scene. Hadria was with her mother, taking tea at +Drumgarren, when Mrs. Gordon, catching the sounds of carriage wheels, +announced that she was expecting Hubert and his sister for a visit. In +another second, the travellers were in the drawing-room. + +Hubert's self-possession was equal to the occasion. He introduced his +sister to Mrs. Fullerton and Hadria. Miss Temperley was his junior by a +year; a slight, neatly-built young woman, with a sort of tact that went +on brilliantly up to a certain point, and then suddenly collapsed +altogether. She had her brother's self-complacency, and an air of +encouragement which Mrs. Gordon seemed to find most gratifying. + +She dressed perfectly, in quiet Parisian fashion. Hadria saw that her +brother had taken her into his confidence, or she concluded so from +something in Miss Temperley's manner. The latter treated Hadria with a +certain familiarity, as if she had known her for some time, and she had +a way of seeming to take her apart, when addressing her, as if there +were a sort of understanding between them. It was here that her instinct +failed her; for she seemed unaware that this assumption of an intimacy +that did not exist was liable to be resented, and that it might be +unpleasant to be expected to catch special remarks sent over the heads +of the others, although ostensibly for the common weal. + +Hadria thought that she had never seen so strange a contrast as this +young woman's behaviour, within and without the circle of her +perceptions. It was the more remarkable, since her mind was bent upon +the details and niceties of conduct, and the _nuances_ of existence. + +"I shall come and see you as soon as I can," she promised, when Mrs. +Fullerton rose to leave. + +Miss Temperley kept her word. She was charmed with the old house, +praising authoritatively. + +"This is an excellent piece of carving; far superior to the one in the +dining-room. Ah, yes, that is charming; so well arranged. You ought to +have a touch of blue there to make it perfect." + +Hubert shewed good taste in keeping away from Dunaghee, except to pay +his call on Mr. and Mrs. Fullerton. + +"Hadria," said his sister, "I am going to call you by your pretty +Christian name, and I want you to call me Henriette. I feel I have known +you much longer than ten days, because Hubert has told me so much about +you, and your music. You play charmingly. So much native talent. You +want good training, of course; but you really might become a brilliant +performer. Hubert is quite distressed that you should not enjoy more +advantages. I should like so much if you could come and stay with us in +town, and have some good lessons. Do think of it." + +Hadria flushed. "Oh, thank you, I could not do that--I----" + +"I understand you, dear Hadria," said Henriette, drawing her chair +closer to the fire. "You know, Hubert can never keep anything of great +importance from me." She looked arch. + +Hadria muttered something that might have discouraged a less persistent +spirit, but Miss Temperley paid no attention. + +"Poor Hubert! I have had to be a ministering angel to him during these +last months." + +"Why do you open up this subject, Miss Temperley?" + +"_Henriette_, if you please," cried that young woman, with the air of +a playful potentate who has requested a favoured courtier to drop the +ceremonious "Your Majesty" in private conversation. + +"It was I who made him accept Mrs. Gordon's invitation. He very nearly +refused it. He feared that it would be unpleasant for you. But I +insisted on his coming. Why should he not? He would like so much to come +here more often, but again he fears to displease you. He is not a +Temperley for nothing. They are not of the race of fools who rush in +where angels fear to tread." + +"Are they not?" asked Hadria absently. + +"We both see your difficulty," Miss Temperley went on. "Hubert would not +so misunderstand you--the dear fellow is full of delicacy--and I should +dearly love to hear him play to your accompaniment; he used to enjoy +those practices so much. Would you think him intrusive if he brought his +_'cello_ some afternoon?" + +Hadria, not without an uneasy qualm, agreed to the suggestion, though by +no means cordially. + +Accordingly brother and sister arrived, one afternoon, for the practice. +Henriette took the leadership, visibly employed tact and judgment, +talked a great deal, and was surprisingly delicate, as beseemed a +Temperley. Hadria found the occasion somewhat trying nevertheless, and +Hubert stumbled, at first, in his playing. In a few minutes, however, +both musicians became possessed by the music, and then all went well. +Henriette sat in an easy chair and listened critically. Now and then she +would call out "bravo," or "admirable," and when the performance was +over, she was warm in her congratulations. + +Hadria was flushed with the effort and pleasure of the performance. + +"I never heard Hubert's playing to such advantage," said his sister. "I +seem to hear it for the first time. You really ought to practise +together often." Another afternoon was appointed; Henriette left Hadria +almost no choice. + +After the next meeting, the constraint had a little worn off, and the +temptation to continue the practising was very strong. Henriette's +presence was reassuring. And then Hubert seemed so reasonable, and had +apparently put the past out of his mind altogether. + +After the practice, brother and sister would linger a little in the +drawing-room, chatting. Hubert appeared to advantage in his sister's +society. She had a way of striking his best vein. Her own talent ran +with his, appealed to it, and created the conditions for its display. +Her presence and inspiration seemed to produce, on his ability, a sort +of cumulative effect. Henriette set all the familiar machinery in +motion; pressed the right button, and her brother became brilliant. + +A slight touch of diffidence in his manner softened the effect of his +usual complacency. Hadria liked him better than she had liked him on his +previous visit. His innate refinement appealed to her powerfully. +Moreover, he was cultivated and well-read, and his society was +agreeable. Oh, why did this everlasting matrimonial idea come in and +spoil everything? Why could not men and women have interests in common, +without wishing instantly to plunge into a condition of things which +hampered and crippled them so miserably? + +Hadria was disposed to underrate all defects, and to make the most of +all virtues in Hubert, at the present moment. He had come at just the +right time to make a favourable impression upon her; for the loneliness +of her life had begun to leave its mark, and to render her extremely +sensitive to influence. + +She was an alien among the people of her circle; and she felt vaguely +guilty in failing to share their ideas and ambitions. Their glances, +their silences, conveyed a world of cold surprise and condemnation. + +Hubert was tolerance itself compared with the majority of her +associates. She felt almost as if he had done her a personal kindness +when he omitted to look astonished at her remarks, or to ignore them as +"awkward." + +Yet she felt uneasy about this renewal of the practices, and tried to +avoid them as often as possible, though sorely against her inclination. +They were so great a relief and enjoyment. Her inexperience, and her +carelessness of conventional standards, put her somewhat off her guard. +Hubert showed no signs of even remembering the interview of last year, +that had been cut short by her father's entrance. Why should _she_ +insist on keeping it in mind? It was foolish. Moreover she had been +expressly given to understand, in a most pointed manner, that her +conduct would not be misinterpreted if she allowed him to come +occasionally. + +From several remarks that Temperley made, she saw that he too regarded +the ordinary domestic existence with distaste. It offended his +fastidiousness. He was fastidious to his finger-tips. It amused Hadria +to note the contrast between him and Mr. Gordon, who was a typical +father of a family; limited in his interests to that circle; an amiable +ruler of a tiny, somewhat absurd little world, pompous and important and +inconceivably dull. + +The _bourgeois_ side of this life was evidently displeasing to Hubert. +Good taste was his fetish. From his remarks about women, Hadria was led +to observe how subtly critical he was with regard to feminine qualities, +and wondered if his preference for herself ought to be regarded as a +great compliment. + +Henriette congratulated her on having been admired by the fastidious +Hubert. + +"Let us hope it speaks well for me," Hadria replied with a cynical +smile, "but I have so often noticed that men who are very difficult to +please, choose for the domestic hearth the most dreary and unattractive +woman of their acquaintance! I sometimes doubt if men ever do marry the +women they most admire." + +"They do, when they can win them," said Henriette. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +During Henriette's visit, one of the meetings of the Preposterous +Society fell due, and she expressed a strong wish to be present. She +also craved the privilege of choosing the subject of discussion. +Finally, she received a formal request from the members to give the +lecture herself. She was full of enthusiasm about the Society (such an +educating influence!), and prepared her paper with great care. There had +been a tendency among the circle, to politely disagree with Henriette. +Her ideas respecting various burning topics were at variance with the +trend of opinion at Dunaghee, and Miss Temperley was expected to take +this opportunity of enlightening the family. The family was equally +resolved not to be enlightened. + +"I have chosen for my subject to-night," said the lecturer, "one that is +beginning to occupy public attention very largely: I mean the sphere of +woman in society." + +The audience, among whom Hubert had been admitted at his sister's +earnest request, drew themselves together, and a little murmur of battle +ran along the line. Henriette's figure, in her well-fitting Parisian +gown, looked singularly out of place in the garret, with the crazy old +candle-holder beside her, the yellow flame of the candle flinging +fantastic shadows on the vaulted roof, preposterously distorting her +neat form, as if in wicked mockery. The moonlight streamed in, as usual +on the nights chosen by the Society for their meetings. + +Henriette's paper was neatly expressed, and its sentiments were +admirable. She maintained a perfect balance between the bigotry of the +past and the violence of the present. Her phrases seemed to rock, like +a pair of scales, from excess to excess, on either side. She came to +rest in the exact middle. This led to the Johnsonian structure, or, as +Hadria afterwards said, to the style of a _Times_ leading article: +"While we remember on the one hand, we must not forget on the other----" + +At the end of the lecture, the audience found themselves invited to +sympathize cautiously and circumspectly with the advancement of women, +but led, at the same time, to conclude that good taste and good feeling +forbade any really nice woman from moving a little finger to attain, or +to help others to attain, the smallest fraction more of freedom, or an +inch more of spiritual territory, than was now enjoyed by her sex. When, +at some future time, wider privileges should have been conquered by the +exertions of someone else, then the really nice woman could saunter in +and enjoy the booty. But till then, let her leave boisterous agitation +to others, and endear herself to all around her by her patience and her +loving self-sacrifice. + +"That pays better for the present," Hadria was heard to mutter to an +adjacent member. + +The lecturer, in her concluding remarks, gave a smile of ineffable +sweetness, sadly marred, however, by the grotesque effect of the +flickering shadows that were cast on her face by the candle. After all, +_duty_ not _right_ was the really important matter, and the lecturer +thought that it would be better if one heard the former word rather +oftener in connection with the woman's question, and the latter word +rather more seldom. Then, with new sweetness, and in a tone not to be +described, she went on to speak of the natural responsibilities and joys +of her sex, drawing a moving, if somewhat familiar picture of those +avocations, than which she was sure there could be nothing higher or +holier. + +For some not easily explained cause, the construction of this sentence +gave it a peculiar unctuous force: "than which," as Fred afterwards +remarked, "would have bowled over any but the most hardened sinner." + +For weeks after this memorable lecture, if any very lofty altitude had +to be ascended in conversational excursions, the aspirant invariably +smiled with ineffable tenderness and lightly scaled the height, +murmuring "than which" to a vanquished audience. + +The lecture was followed by a discussion that rather took the stiffness +out of Miss Temperley's phrases. The whole party was roused. Algitha had +to whisper a remonstrance to the boys, for their solemn questions were +becoming too preposterous. The lecture was discussed with much warmth. +There was a tendency to adopt the form "than which" with some frequency. +Bursts of laughter startled a company of rats in the wainscoting, and +there was a lively scamper behind the walls. No obvious opposition was +offered. Miss Temperley's views were examined with gravity, and indeed +in a manner almost pompous. But by the end of that trying process, they +had a sadly bedraggled and plucked appearance, much to their parent's +bewilderment. She endeavoured to explain further, and was met by +guilelessly intelligent questions, which had the effect of depriving the +luckless objects of their solitary remaining feather. The members of the +society continued to pine for information, and Miss Temperley +endeavoured to provide it, till late into the night. The discussion +finally drifted on to dangerous ground. Algitha declared that she +considered that no man had any just right to ask a woman to pledge +herself to love him and live with him for the rest of her life. How +_could_ she? Hubert suggested that the woman made the same claim on the +man. + +"Which is equally absurd," said Algitha. "Just as if any two people, +when they are beginning to form their characters, could possibly be sure +of their sentiments for the rest of their days. They have no business to +marry at such an age. They are bound to alter." + +"But they must regard it as their duty not to alter with regard to one +another," said Henriette. + +"Quite so; just as they ought to regard it as their duty among other +things, not to grow old," suggested Fred. + +"Then, Algitha, do you mean that they may fall in love elsewhere?" +Ernest inquired. + +"They very likely _will_ do so, if they make such an absurd start," +Algitha declared. + +"And if they do?" + +"Then, if the sentiment stands test and trial, and proves genuine, and +not a silly freak, the fact ought to be frankly faced. Husband and wife +have no business to go on keeping up a bond that has become false and +irksome." + +Miss Temperley broke into protest. "But surely you don't mean to defend +such faithlessness." + +Algitha would not admit that it _was_ faithlessness. She said it was +mere honesty. She could see nothing inherently wrong in falling in love +genuinely after one arrived at years of discretion. She thought it +inherently idiotic, and worse, to make a choice that ought to be for +life, at years of _in_discretion. Still, people _were_ idiotic, and +that must be considered, as well as all the other facts, such as the +difficulty of really knowing each other before marriage, owing to social +arrangements, and also owing to the training, which made men and women +always pose so ridiculously towards one another, pretending to be +something that they were not. + +"Well done, Algitha," cried Ernest, laughing; "I like to hear you speak +out. Now tell me frankly: supposing you married quite young, before you +had had much experience; supposing you afterwards found that you and +your husband had both been deceiving yourselves and each other, +unconsciously perhaps; and suppose, when more fully awakened and +developed, you met another fellow and fell in love with him genuinely, +what would you do?" + +"Oh, she would just mention it to her husband casually," Fred interposed +with a chuckle, "and disappear." + +"I should certainly not go through terrific emotions and +self-accusations, and think the end of the world had come," said Algitha +serenely. "I should calmly face the situation." + +"Calmly! She by supposition being madly in love!" ejaculated Fred, with +a chuckle. + +"Calmly," repeated Algitha. "And I should consider carefully what would +be best for all concerned. If I decided, after mature consideration and +self-testing, that I ought to leave my husband, I should leave him, as I +should hope he would leave me, in similar circumstances. That is my idea +of right." + +"And is this also your idea of right, Miss Fullerton?" asked Temperley, +turning, in some trepidation, to Hadria. + +"That seems to me right in the abstract. One can't pronounce for +particular cases where circumstances are entangled." + +Hubert sank back in his chair, and ran his hand over his brow. He seemed +about to speak, but he checked himself. + +"Where did you get such extraordinary ideas from?" cried Miss Temperley. + +"They were like Topsy; they growed," said Fred. + +"We have been in the habit of speculating freely on all subjects," said +Ernest, "ever since we could talk. This is the blessed result!" + +"I am not quite so sure now, that the Preposterous Society meets with my +approval," observed Miss Temperley. + +"If you had been brought up in the bosom of this Society, Miss +Temperley, you too, perhaps, would have come to this. Think of it!" + +"Does your mother know what sort of subjects you discuss?" + +There was a shout of laughter. "Mother used often to come into the +nursery and surprise us in hot discussion on the origin of evil," said +Hadria. + +"Don't you believe what she says, Miss Temperley," cried Fred; "mother +never could teach Hadria the most rudimentary notions of accuracy." + +"Her failure with my brothers, was in the department of manners," Hadria +observed. + +"Then she does _not_ know what you talk about?" persisted Henriette. + +"You ask her," prompted Fred, with undisguised glee. + +"She never attends our meetings," said Algitha. + +"Well, well, I cannot understand it!" cried Miss Temperley. "However, +you don't quite know what you are talking about, and one mustn't blame +you." + +"No, don't," urged Fred; "we are a sensitive family." + +"Shut up!" cried Ernest with a warning frown. + +"Oh, you are a coarse-grained exception; I speak of the family average," +Fred answered with serenity. + +Henriette felt that nothing more could be done with this strange +audience. Her business was really with the President of the Society. The +girl was bent on ruining her life with these wild notions. Miss Temperley +decided that it would be better to talk to Hadria quietly in her own room, +away from the influence of these eccentric brothers and that extraordinary +sister. After all, it was Algitha who had originated the shocking view, +not Hadria, who had merely agreed, doubtless out of a desire to support +her sister. + +"I have not known you for seven years, but I am going to poke your +fire," said Henriette, when they were established in Hadria's room. + +"I never thought you would wait so long as that," was Hadria's ambiguous +reply. + +Then Henriette opened her batteries. She talked without interruption, +her companion listening, agreeing occasionally with her adversary, in a +disconcerting manner; then falling into silence. + +"It seems to me that you are making a very terrible mistake in your +life, Hadria. You have taken up a fixed idea about domestic duties and +all that, and are going to throw away your chances of forming a happy +home of your own, out of a mere prejudice. You may not admire Mrs. +Gordon's existence; for my part I think she leads a very good, useful +life, but there is no reason why all married lives should be like hers." + +"Why are they, then?" + +"I don't see that they are." + +"It is the prevailing type. It shows the way the domestic wind blows. +Fancy having to be always resisting such a wind. What an oblique, +shorn-looking object one would be after a few years!" + +Henriette grew eloquent. She recalled instances of women who had +fulfilled all their home duties, and been successful in other walks as +well; she drew pictures in attractive colours of Hadria in a home of her +own, with far more liberty than was possible under her parents' roof; +and then she drew another picture of Hadria fifteen years hence at +Dunaghee. + +Hadria covered her face with her hands. "You who uphold all these social +arrangements, how do you feel when you find yourself obliged to urge me +to marry, not for the sake of the positive joys of domestic existence, +but for the merely negative advantage of avoiding a hapless and forlorn +state? You propose it as a _pis-aller_. Does _that_ argue that all is +sound in the state of Denmark?" + +"If you had not this unreasonable objection to what is really a woman's +natural destiny, the difficulty would not exist." + +"Have women no pride?" + +Henriette did not answer. + +"Have they no sense of dignity? If one marries (accepting things on the +usual basis, of course) one gives to another person rights and powers +over one's life that are practically boundless. To retain one's +self-direction in case of dispute would be possible only on pain of +social ruin. I have little enough freedom now, heaven knows; but if I +married, why my very thoughts would become the property of another. +Thought, emotion, love itself, must pass under the yoke! There would be +no nook or corner entirely and indisputably my own." + +"I should not regard that as a hardship," said Henriette, "if I loved my +husband." + +"I should consider it not only a hardship, but beyond endurance." + +"But, my dear, you are impracticable." + +"That is what I think domestic life is!" Hadria's quiet tone was +suddenly changed to one of scorn. "You talk of love; what has love +worthy of the name to do with this preposterous interference with the +freedom of another person? If _that_ is what love means--the craving +to possess and restrain and demand and hamper and absorb, and generally +make mincemeat of the beloved object, then preserve me from the +master-passion." + +Henriette was baffled. "I don't know how to make you see this in a truer +light," she said. "There is something to my mind so beautiful in the +close union of two human beings, who pledge themselves to love and +honour one another, to face life hand in hand, to share every thought, +every hope, to renounce each his own wishes for the sake of the other." + +"That sounds very elevating; in practice it breeds Mr. and Mrs. Gordon." + +"Do you mean to tell me you will never marry on this account?" + +"I would never marry anyone who would exact the usual submissions and +renunciations, or even desire them, which I suppose amounts almost to +saying that I shall never marry at all. What man would endure a wife who +demanded to retain her absolute freedom, as in the case of a close +friendship? The man is not born!" + +"You seem to forget, dear Hadria, in objecting to place yourself under +the yoke, as you call it, that your husband would also be obliged to +resign part of _his_ independence to you. The prospect of loss of +liberty in marriage often prevents a man from marrying ("Wise man!" +ejaculated Hadria), so you see the disadvantage is not all on one side, +if so you choose to consider it." + +"Good heavens! do you think that the opportunity to interfere with +another person would console me for being interfered with myself? I +don't want my share of the constraining power. I would as soon accept +the lash of a slave-driver. This moral lash is almost more odious than +the other, for its thongs are made of the affections and the domestic +'virtues,' than which there can be nothing sneakier or more detestable!" + +Henriette heaved a discouraged sigh. "You are wrong, my dear Hadria," +she said emphatically; "you are wrong, wrong, wrong." + +"How? why?" + +"One can't have everything in this life. You must be willing to resign +part of your privileges for the sake of the far greater privileges that +you acquire." + +"I can imagine nothing that would compensate for the loss of freedom, +the right to oneself." + +"What about love?" murmured Henriette. + +"Love!" echoed Hadria scornfully. "Do you suppose I could ever love a +man who had the paltry, ungenerous instinct to enchain me?" + +"Why use such extreme terms? Love does not enchain." + +"Exactly what I contend," interrupted Hadria. + +"But naturally husband and wife have claims." + +"Naturally. I have just been objecting to them in what you describe as +extreme terms." + +"But I mean, when people care for one another, it is a joy to them to +acknowledge ties and obligations of affection." + +"Ah! one knows what _that_ euphemism means!" + +"Pray what does it mean?" + +"That the one serious endeavour in the life of married people is to be +able to call each other's souls their own." + +Henriette stared. + +"My language may not be limpid." + +"Oh, I see what you mean. I was only wondering who can have taught you +all these strange ideas." + +Hadria at length gave way to a laugh that had been threatening for some +time. + +"My mother," she observed simply. + +Henriette gave it up. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +The family had reassembled for the New Year's festivities. The change in +Algitha since her departure from home was striking. She was gentler, +more affectionate to her parents, than of yore. The tendency to grow +hard and fretful had entirely disappeared. The sense of self was +obviously lessened with the need for self-defence. Hadria discovered +that an attachment was springing up between her sister and Wilfrid +Burton, about whom she wrote so frequently, and that this development of +her emotional nature, united with her work, had given a glowing centre +to her life which showed itself in a thousand little changes of manner +and thought. Hadria told her sister that she felt herself unreal and +fanciful in her presence. "I go twirling things round and round in my +head till I grow dizzy. But you compare ideas with fact; you even turn +ideas into fact; while I can get no hold on fact at all. Thoughts rise +as mists rise from the river, but nothing happens. I feel them begin to +prey upon me, working inwards." + +Algitha shook her head. "It is a mad world," she said. "Week after week +goes by, and there seems no lifting of the awful darkness in which the +lives of these millions are passed. We want workers by the thousand. +Yet, as if in mockery, the Devil keeps these well-fed thousands eating +their hearts out in idleness or artificial occupations till they become +diseased merely for want of something to do. Then," added Algitha, "His +Majesty marries them, and sets them to work to create another houseful +of idle creatures, who have to be supported by the deathly toil of those +who labour too much." + +"The devil is full of resources!" said Hadria. + +Miss Temperley had been asked to stay at Dunaghee for the New Year. +Algitha conceived for her a sentiment almost vindictive. Hadria and the +boys enjoyed nothing better than to watch Miss Temperley giving forth +her opinions, while Algitha's figure gradually stiffened and her neck +drew out, as Fred said, in truly telescopic fashion, like that of Alice +in Wonderland. The boys constructed a figure of cushions, stuffed into +one of Algitha's old gowns, the neck being a padded broom-handle, made +to work up and down at pleasure; and with this counterfeit presentment +of their sister, they used to act the scene amidst shouts of applause, +Miss Temperley entering, on one occasion, when the improvised cocoa-nut +head had reached its culminating point of high disdain, somewhere about +the level of the curtain-poles. + +On New-Year's-eve, Dunaghee was full of guests. There was to be a +children's party, to which however most of the grown-up neighbours were +also invited. + +"What a charming sight!" cried Henriette, standing with her neat foot on +the fender in the hall, where the children were playing blind man's +buff. + +Mrs. Fullerton sat watching them with a dreamy smile. The scene recalled +many an old memory. Mr. Fullerton was playing with the children. + +Everyone remarked how well the two girls looked in their new evening +gowns. They had made them themselves, in consequence of a wager with +Fred, who had challenged them to combine pink and green satisfactorily. + +"The gowns are perfect!" Temperley ventured to remark. "So much +distinction!" + +"All my doing," cried Fred. "I chose the colours." + +"Distinction comes from within," said Temperley. "I should like to see +what sort of gown in pink and green Mrs. ----." He stopped short +abruptly. + +Fred gave a chuckle. Indiscreet eyes wandered towards Mrs. Gordon's +brocade and silver. + +Later in the evening, that lady played dance music in a florid manner, +resembling her taste in dress. The younger children had gone home, and +the hall was filled with spinning couples. + +"I hope we are to have some national dances," said Miss Temperley. "My +brother and I are both looking forward to seeing a true reel danced by +natives of the country." + +"Oh, certainly!" said Mr. Fullerton. "My daughters are rather celebrated +for their reels, especially Hadria." Mr. Fullerton executed a step or +two with great agility. + +"The girl gets quite out of herself when she is dancing," said Mrs. +Fullerton. "She won't be scolded about it, for she says she takes after +her father!" + +"That's the time to get round her," observed Fred. "If we want to set +her up to some real fun, we always play a reel and wait till she's well +into the spirit of the thing, and then, I'll wager, she would stick at +nothing." + +"It's a fact," added Ernest. "It really seems to half mesmerise her." + +"How very curious!" cried Miss Temperley. + +She and her brother found themselves watching the dancing a little apart +from the others. + +"I would try again to-night, Hubert," she said in a low voice. + +He was silent for a moment, twirling the tassel of the curtain. + +"There is nothing to be really alarmed at in her ideas, regrettable as +they are. She is young. That sort of thing will soon wear off after she +is married." + +Temperley flung away the tassel. + +"She doesn't know what she is talking about. These high-flown lectures +and discussions have filled all their heads with nonsense. It will have +to be rooted out when they come to face the world. No use to oppose her +now. Nothing but experience will teach her. She must just be humoured +for the present. They have all run a little wild in their notions. Time +will cure that." + +"I am sure of it," said Hubert tolerantly. "They don't know the real +import of what they say." He hugged this sentence with satisfaction. + +"They are like the young Russians one reads about in Turgenieff's +novels," said Henriette--"all ideas, no common-sense." + +"And you really believe----?" + +Henriette's hand was laid comfortingly on her brother's arm. + +"Dear Hubert, I know something of my sex. After a year of married life, +a woman has too many cares and responsibilities to trouble about ideas +of this kind, or of any other." + +"She strikes me as being somewhat persistent by nature," said Hubert, +choosing a gentler word than _obstinate_ to describe the quality in the +lady of his affections. + +"Let her be as persistent as she may, it is not possible for any woman +to resist the laws and beliefs of Society. What can she do against all +the world? She can't escape from the conditions of her epoch. Oh! she +may talk boldly now, for she does not understand; she is a mere infant +as regards knowledge of the world, but once a wife----" + +Henriette smiled and shook her head, by way of finish to her sentence. +Hubert mused silently for some minutes. + +"I could not endure that there should be any disturbance--any +eccentricity--in our life----" + +"My dear boy, if you don't trust to the teaching of experience to cure +Hadria of these fantastic notions, rely upon the resistless persuasions +of our social facts and laws. Nothing can stand against them--certainly +not the fretful heresies of an inexperienced girl, who, remember, is +really good and kind at heart." + +"Ah! yes," cried Hubert; "a fine nature, full of good instincts, and +womanly to her finger-tips." + +"Oh! if she were not that, _I_ would never encourage you to think of +her," cried Henriette with a shudder. "It is on this essential goodness +of heart that I rely. She would never be able, try as she might, to act +in a manner that would really distress those who were dear to her. You +may count upon that securely." + +"Yes; I am sure of it," said Hubert, "but unluckily" (he shook his head +and sighed) "I am not among those who are dear to her." + +He rose abruptly, and Henriette followed him. + +"Try to win her to-night," she murmured, "and be sure to express no +opposition to her ideas, however wild they may be. Ignore them, humour +her, plead your cause once more on this auspicious day--the last of the +old year. Something tells me that the new year will begin joyously for +you. Go now, and good luck to you." + +"Ah! here you are," cried Mr. Fullerton, "we were wondering what had +become of you. You said you wished to see a reel. Mrs. McPherson is so +good as to play for us." + +The kindly old Scottish dame had come, with two nieces, from a distance +of ten miles. + +A thrill ran through the company when the strange old tune began. +Everyone rushed for a partner, and two long rows of figures stood facing +one another, eager to start. Temperley asked Hadria to dance with him. +Algitha had Harold Wilkins for a partner. The two long rows were soon +stepping and twirling with zest and agility. A new and wilder spirit +began to possess the whole party. The northern blood took fire and +transfigured the dancers. The Temperleys seemed to be fashioned of +different clay; they were able to keep their heads. Several elderly +people had joined in the dance, performing their steps with a +conscientious dexterity that put some of their juniors to shame. Mr. +Fullerton stood by, looking on and applauding. + +"How your father seems to enjoy the sight!" said Temperley, as he met +his partner for a moment. + +"He likes nothing so well, and his daughters take after him." + +Hadria's reels were celebrated, not without reason. Some mad spirit +seemed to possess her. It would appear almost as if she had passed into +a different phase of character. She lost caution and care and the sense +of external events. + +When the dance was ended, Hubert led her from the hall. She went as if +in a dream. She would not allow herself to be taken beyond the sound of +the grotesque old dance music that was still going on, but otherwise she +was unresisting. + +He sat down beside her in a corner of the dining-room. Now and then he +glanced at his companion, and seemed about to speak. "You seem fond of +your national music," he at last remarked. + +"It fills me with bewildering memories," she said in a dreamy tone. "It +seems to recall--it eludes description--some wild, primitive +experiences--mountains, mists--I can't express what northern mysteries. +It seems almost as if I had lived before, among some ancient Celtic +people, and now, when I hear their music--or sometimes when I hear the +sound of wind among the pines--whiffs and gusts of something intensely +familiar return to me, and I cannot grasp it. It is very bewildering." + +"The only thing that happens to me of the kind is that curious sense of +having done a thing before. Strange to say, I feel it now. This moment +is not new to me." + +Hadria gave a startled glance at her companion, and shuddered. + +"I suppose it is all pre-ordained," she said. He was puzzled, but more +hopeful than usual. Hadria might almost have accepted him in sheer +absence of mind. He put the thought in different terms. He began to +speak more boldly. He gave his view of life and happiness, his +philosophy and religion. Hadria lazily agreed. She lay under a singular +spell. The bizarre old music smote still upon the ear. She felt as if +she were in the thrall of some dream whose events followed one another, +as the scenes of a moving panorama unfold themselves before the +spectators. Temperley began to plead his cause. Hadria, with a startled +look in her eyes, tried to check him. But her will refused to issue a +vigorous command. Even had he been hateful to her, which he certainly +was not, she felt that she would have been unable to wake out of the +nightmare, and resume the conduct of affairs. The sense of the +importance of personal events had entirely disappeared. What did it all +matter? "Over us stars and under us graves." The graves would put it all +right some day. As for attempting to direct one's fate, and struggle out +of the highways of the world--midsummer madness! It was not only the +Mrs. Gordons, but the Valeria Du Prels who told one so. Everybody said +(but in discreeter terms), "Disguise from yourself the solitude by +setting up little screens of affections, and little pompous affairs +about which you must go busily, and with all the solemnity that you can +muster." + +The savage builds his mud hut to shelter him from the wind and the rain +and the terror of the beyond. Outside is the wilderness ready to engulf +him. Rather than be left alone at the mercy of elemental things, with no +little hut, warm and dark and stuffy, to shelter one, a woman will +sacrifice everything--liberty, ambition, health, power, her very +dignity. There was a letter in Hadria's pocket at this moment, +eloquently protesting in favour of the mud hut. + +Hadria must have been appearing to listen favourably to Temperley's +pleading, for he said eagerly, "Then I have not spoken this time quite +in vain. I may hope that perhaps some day----" + +"Some day," repeated Hadria, passing her hand across her eyes. "It +doesn't really matter. I mean we make too much fuss about these trifles; +don't you think so?" She spoke dreamily. The music was jigging on with +strange merriment. + +"To me it matters very much indeed. I don't consider it a trifle," said +Temperley, in some bewilderment. + +"Oh, not to ourselves. But of what importance are we?" + +"None at all, in a certain sense," Temperley admitted; "but in another +sense we are all important. I cannot help being intensely personal at +this moment. I can't help grasping at the hope of happiness. Hadria, it +lies in your hand. Won't you be generous?" + +She gave a distressed gesture, and seemed to make some vain effort, as +when the victim of a nightmare struggles to overcome the paralysis that +holds him. + +"Then I may hope a little, Hadria--I _must_ hope." + +Still the trance seemed to hold her enthralled. The music was +diabolically merry. She could fancy evil spirits tripping to it in +swarms around her. They seemed to point at her, and wave their arms +around her, and from them came an influence, magnetic in its quality, +that forbade her to resist. All had been pre-arranged. Nothing could +avert it. She seemed to be waiting rather than acting. Against her inner +judgment, she had allowed those accursed practices to go on. Against her +instinct, she had permitted Henriette to become intimate at Dunaghee; +indeed it would have been hard to avoid it, for Miss Temperley was not +easy to discourage. Why had she assured Hadria so pointedly that Hubert +would not misinterpret her consent to renew the practices? Was it not a +sort of treachery? Had not Henriette, with her larger knowledge of the +world, been perfectly well aware that whatever might be said, the +renewal of the meetings would be regarded as encouragement? Did she not +know that Hadria herself would feel implicated by the concession? + +Temperley's long silence had been misleading. The danger had crept up +insidiously. And had she not been treacherous to herself? She had longed +for companionship, for music, for something to break the strain of her +wild, lonely life. Knowing, or rather half-divining the risk, she had +allowed herself to accept the chance of relief when it came. Lack of +experience had played a large part in the making of to-night's dilemma. +Hadria's own strange mood was another ally to her lover, and for that, +old Mrs. McPherson and her reels were chiefly responsible. Of such +flimsy trifles is the human fate often woven. + +"Tell me, did you ask your sister to----?" + +"No, no," Hubert interposed. "My sister knows of my hopes, and is +anxious that I should succeed." + +"I thought that she was helping you." + +"She would take any legitimate means to help me," said Hubert. "You +cannot resent that. Ah, Hadria, why will you not listen to me?" He bent +forward, covering his face with his hands in deep dejection. His hope +had begun to wane. + +"You know what I think," said Hadria. "You know how I should act if I +married. Surely that ought to cure you of all----." + +He seized her hand. + +"No, no, nothing that you may think could cure me of the hope of making +you my wife. I care for what you _are_, not for what you _think_. You +know how little I cling to the popular version of the domestic story. I +have told you over and over again that it offends me in a thousand ways. +I hate the _bourgeois_ element in it. What have we really to disagree +about?" + +He managed to be very convincing. He shewed that for a woman, life in +her father's house is far less free than in her own home; that existence +could be moulded to any shape she pleased. If Hadria hesitated only on +this account her last reason was gone. It was not fair to him. He had +been patient. He had kept silence for many months. But he could endure +the suspense no longer. He took her hand. Then suddenly she rose. + +"No, no. I can't, I can't," she cried desperately. + +"I will not listen to denial," he said following her. "I cannot stand a +second disappointment. You have allowed me to hope." + +"How? When? Never!" she exclaimed. + +"Ah, yes, Hadria. I am older than you and I have more experience. Do you +think a man will cease to hope while he continues to see the woman he +loves?" + +Hadria turned very pale. + +"You seemed to have forgotten--your sister assured me--Ah, it was +treacherous, it was cruel. She took advantage of my ignorance, my +craving for companionship." + +"No, it is you who are cruel, Hadria, to make such accusations. I do not +claim the slightest consideration because you permitted those practices. +But you cannot suppose that my feeling has not been confirmed and +strengthened since I have seen you again. Why should you turn from me? +Why may I not hope to win you? If you have no repugnance to me, why +should not I have a chance? Hadria, Hadria, answer me, for heaven's +sake. Oh, if I could only understand what is in your mind!" + +She would have found it a hard task to enlighten him. He had succeeded, +to some extent, in lulling her fears, not in banishing them, for a +sinister dread still muttered its warning beneath the surface thoughts. + +The strength of Temperley's emotion had stirred her. The magic of +personal influence had begun to tell upon her. It was so hard not to +believe when someone insisted with such certainty, with such obvious +sincerity, that everything would be right. He seemed so confident that +she could make him happy, strange as it appeared. Perhaps after all----? +And what a release from the present difficulties. But could one trust? A +confused mass of feeling struggled together. A temptation to give the +answer that would cause pleasure was very strong, and beneath all lurked +a trembling hope that perhaps this was the way of escape. In apparent +contradiction to this, or to any other hope, lay a sense of fatality, a +sad indifference, interrupted at moments by flashes of very desperate +caring, when suddenly the love of life, the desire for happiness and +experience, for the exercise of her power, for its use in the service of +her generation, became intense, and then faded away again, as obstacles +presented their formidable array before the mind. In the midst of the +confusion the thought of the Professor hovered vaguely, with a dim +distressing sense of something wrong, of something within her lost and +wretched and forlorn. + +Mrs. Fullerton passed through the room on the arm of Mr. Gordon. How +delighted her mother would be if she were to give up this desperate +attempt to hold out against her appointed fate. What if her mother and +Mrs. Gordon and all the world were perfectly right and far-seeing and +wise? Did it not seem more likely, on the face of it, that they _should_ +be right, considering the enormous majority of those who would agree +with them, than that she, Hadria, a solitary girl, unsupported by +knowledge of life or by fellow-believers, should have chanced upon the +truth? Had only Valeria been on her side, she would have felt secure, +but Valeria was dead against her. + +"We are not really at variance, believe me," Temperley pleaded. "You +state things rather more strongly than I do--a man used to knocking +about the world--but I don't believe there is any radical difference +between us." He worked himself up into the belief that there never were +two human beings so essentially at one, on all points, as he and Hadria. + +"Do you remember the debate that evening in the garret? Do you remember +the sentiments that scared your sister so much?" she asked. + +Temperley remembered. + +"Well, I don't hold those sentiments merely for amusement and +recreation. I mean them. I should not hesitate a moment to act upon +them. If things grew intolerable, according to my view of things, I +should simply go away, though twenty marriage-services had been read +over my head. Neither Algitha nor I have any of the notions that +restrain women in these matters. We would brook no such bonds. The usual +claims and demands we would neither make nor submit to. You heard +Algitha speak very plainly on the matter. So you see, we are entirely +unsuitable as wives, except to the impossible men who might share our +rebellion. Please let us go back to the hall. They are just beginning to +dance another reel." + +"I cannot let you go back. Oh, Hadria, you can't be so unjust as to +force me to break off in this state of uncertainty. Just give me a word +of hope, however slight, and I will be satisfied." + +Hadria looked astonished. "Have you really taken in what I have just +said?" + +"Every word of it." + +"And you realise that I mean it, _mean_ it, with every fibre of me." + +"I understand; and I repeat that I shall not be happy until you are my +wife. Have what ideas you please, only be my wife." + +She gazed at him in puzzled scrutiny. "You don't think I am really in +earnest. Let us go." + +"I know you are in earnest," he cried, eagerly following her, "and still +I----" + +At that moment Harold Wilkins came up to claim Hadria for a promised +dance. Temperley gave a gesture of impatience. But Harold insisted, and +Hadria walked with her partner into the hall where Mrs. Gordon was now +playing a sentimental waltz, with considerable poetic license as to +time. As everyone said: Mrs. Gordon played with so much expression. + +Temperley stood about in corners watching Hadria. She was flushed and +silent, dancing with a still gliding movement under the skilful guidance +of her partner. + +Temperley tried to win a glance as she passed round, but her eyes were +resolutely fixed on the floor. + +Algitha followed her sister's movements uneasily. She had noticed her +absence during the last reel, and observed that Temperley also was not +to be seen. She felt anxious. She knew Hadria's emotional +susceptibility. She knew Temperley's convincing faculty, and also +Hadria's uneasy feeling that she had done wrong in allowing the +practices to be resumed. + +Henriette had not failed to notice the signs of the times, and she +annoyed Algitha beyond endurance by her obviously sisterly manner of +addressing the family. She had taken to calling the boys by their first +names. + +Fred shared his sister's dislike to Henriette. "Tact!" he cried with a +snort, "why a Temperley rushes in where a bull in a china-shop would +fear to tread!" + +Algitha saw that Hubert was again by Hadria's side before the evening +was out. The latter looked white, and she avoided her sister's glance. +This last symptom seemed to Algitha the worst. + +"What's the matter with Hadria?" asked Fred, "she will scarcely speak to +me. I was just telling her the best joke I've heard this year, and, will +you believe me, she didn't see the point! Yes, you may well stare! I +tried again and she gave a nervous giggle; I am relating to you the +exact truth. Do any of the epidemics come on like that?" + +"Yes, one of the worst," said Algitha gloomily. Fred glared enquiry. + +"I am afraid she has been led into accepting Hubert Temperley." + +Fred opened his mouth and breathed deep. "Stuff! Hadria would as soon +think of selling her soul to the devil." + +"Oh, she is quite capable of that too," said Algitha, shaking her head. + +"Well, I'm blowed," cried Fred. + +Not long after this, the guests began to disperse. Mrs. Gordon and her +party were among the last to leave, having a shorter distance to go. + +Hubert Temperley was quiet and self-possessed, but Algitha felt sure +that she detected a look of suppressed exultation in his demeanour, and +something odiously brotherly in his mode of bidding them all good-night. + +When everyone had left, and the family were alone, they gathered round +the hall fire for a final chat, before dispersing for the night. + +"What a delightful evening we have had, Mrs. Fullerton," said Miss +Temperley. "It was most picturesque and characteristic. I shall always +remember the charm and kindliness of Scottish hospitality." + +"And I," said Ernest, _sotto voce_ to Algitha, "shall always remember +the calm and thoroughness of English cheek!" + +"Why, we had almost forgotten that the New Year is just upon us," +exclaimed Mr. Fullerton. The first stroke of twelve began to sound +almost as he spoke. He threw up the window and disclosed a night +brilliant with stars. ("And under us graves," said Hadria to herself.) + +They all crowded up, keeping silence as the slow strokes of the clock +told the hour. + +"A Happy New Year to all!" cried Mr. Fullerton heartily. + + + + +Part II. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + "... when the steam + Floats up from those dim fields about the homes + Of happy men that have the power to die." + _Tithonius_, TENNYSON. + + +A countryman with stooping gait touched his cap and bid good-day to a +young woman who walked rapidly along the crisp high road, smiling a +response as she passed. + +The road led gradually upward through a country blazing with red and +orange for rolling miles, till the horizon closed in with the far-off +blue of English hills. + +The old man slowly turned to watch the wayfarer, whose quick step and +the look in her eyes of being fixed on objects beyond their owner's +immediate ken, might have suggested to the observant, inward +perturbation. The lissom, swiftly moving figure was almost out of sight +before the old man slowly wheeled round and continued on his way towards +the hamlet of Craddock Dene, that lay in the valley about a mile further +on. Meanwhile the young woman was speeding towards the village of +Craddock on the summit of the gentle slope before her. A row of +broad-tiled cottages came in sight, and on the hill-side the Vicarage +among trees, and a grey stone church which had seen many changes since +its tower first looked out from the hill-top over the southern counties. + +The little village seemed as if it had forgotten to change with the rest +of the country, for at least a hundred years. The spirit of the last +century lingered in its quiet cottages, in the little ale-house with +half-obliterated sign, in its air of absolute repose and leisure. There +was no evidence of contest anywhere--except perhaps in a few mouldy +advertisements of a circus and of a remarkable kind of soap, that were +half peeling off a moss-covered wall. There were not even many +indications of life in the place. The sunshine seemed to have the +village street to itself. A couple of women stood gossiping over the +gate of one of the cottages. They paused in their talk as a quick step +sounded on the road. + +"There be Mrs. Temperley again!" one matron exclaimed. "Why this is the +second time this week, as she's come and sat in the churchyard along o' +the dead. Don't seem nat'ral to my thinking." + +Mrs. Dodge and Mrs. Gullick continued to discuss this gloomy habit with +exhaustive minuteness, involving themselves in side issues regarding the +general conduct of life on the part of Mrs. Temperley, that promised +solid material for conversation for the next week. It appeared from the +observations of Mrs. Gullick, whose husband worked on Lord Engleton's +model farm, that about five years ago Mr. Temperley had rented the Red +House at Craddock Dene, and had brought his new wife to live there. The +Red House belonged to Professor Fortescue, who also owned the Priory, +which had stood empty, said Mrs. Gullick, since that poor Mrs. Fortescue +killed herself in the old drawing-room. Mr. Temperley went every day to +town to attend to his legal business, and returned by the evening train +to the bosom of his family. That family now consisted in his wife and +two small boys; pretty little fellows, added Mrs. Dodge, the pride of +their parents' hearts; at least, so she had heard Mr. Joseph Fleming +say, and he was intimate at the Red House. Mrs. Gullick did not exactly +approve of Mrs. Temperley. The Red House was not, it would seem, an +ever-flowing fount of sustaining port wine and spiritually nourishing +literature. The moral evolution of the village had proceeded on those +lines. The prevailing feeling was vaguely hostile; neither Mrs. Gullick +nor Mrs. Dodge exactly knew why. Mrs. Dodge said that her husband (who +was the sexton and gravedigger) had found Mrs. Temperley always ready +for a chat. He spoke well of her. But Dodge was not one of many. Mrs. +Temperley was perhaps too sensitively respectful of the feelings of her +poorer neighbours to be very popular among them. At any rate, her habits +of seclusion did not seem to village philosophy to be justifiable in the +eyes of God or man. Her apparent fondness for the society of the dead +also caused displeasure. Why she went to the churchyard could not be +imagined: one would think she had a family buried there, she who was, +"as one might say, a stranger to the place," and could not be supposed +to have any interest in the graves, which held for her nor kith nor kin! + +Mrs. Temperley, however, appeared to be able to dispense with this +element of attraction in the "grassy barrows." She and a company of +youthful Cochin-China fowls remained for hours among them, on this +cheerful morning, and no observer could have determined whether it was +the graves or the fowls that riveted her attention. She had perched +herself on the stile that led from the churchyard to the fields: a +slender figure in serviceable russet and irresponsible-looking hat, +autumn-tinted too, in sympathy with the splendid season. In her ungloved +left hand, which was at once sensitive and firm, she carried a book, +keeping a forefinger between the pages to mark a passage. + +Her face bore signs of suffering, and at this moment, a look of baffled +and restless longing, as if life had been for her a festival whose +sounds came from a hopeless distance. Yet there was something in the +expression of the mouth, that suggested a consistent standing aloof from +herself and her desires. The lines of the face could never have been +drawn by mere diffusive, emotional habits. Thought had left as many +traces as feeling in the firm drawing. The quality of the face was of +that indefinable kind that gives to all characteristic things their +peculiar power over the imagination. The more powerful the quality, the +less can it be rendered into terms. It is the one marvellous, remaining, +musical fact not to be defined that makes the Parthenon, or some other +masterpiece of art, translate us to a new plane of existence, and +inspire, for the time being, the pessimist with hope and the sceptic +with religion. + +The Cochin-Chinas pecked about with a contented mien among the long +grass, finding odds and ends of nourishment, and here and there eking +out their livelihood with a dart at a passing fly. Their long, comic, +tufted legs, which seemed to form a sort of monumental pedestal whereon +the bird itself was elevated, stalked and scratched about with an air of +industrious serenity. + +There were few mornings in the year which left unstirred the grass which +grew long over the graves, but this was one of the few. Each blade stood +up still and straight, bearing its string of dewdrops. There were one or +two village sounds that came subdued through the sunshine. The winds +that usually haunted the high spot had fallen asleep, or were lying +somewhere in ambush among the woodlands beyond. + +The look of strain had faded from the face of Mrs. Temperley, leaving +only an expression of sadness. The removal of all necessity for +concealing thought allowed her story to write itself on her face. The +speculative would have felt some curiosity as to the cause of a sadness +in one seemingly so well treated by destiny. Neither poverty nor the +cares of great wealth could have weighed upon her spirit; she had +beauty, and a quality more attractive than beauty, which must have +placed many things at her command; she had evident talent--her very +attitude proclaimed it--and the power over Fortune that talent ought to +give. Possibly, the observer might reflect, the gift was of that kind +which lays the possessor peculiarly open to her outrageous slings and +arrows. Had Mrs. Temperley shown any morbid signs of self-indulgent +emotionalism the problem would have been simple enough; but this was +not the case. + +The solitude was presently broken by the approach of an old man laden +with pickaxe and shovel. He remarked upon the fineness of the day, and +took up his position at a short distance from the stile, where the turf +had been cleared away in a long-shaped patch. Here, with great +deliberation he began his task. The sound of his steady strokes fell on +the stillness. Presently, the clock from the grey tower gave forth its +announcement--eleven. One by one, the slow hammer sent the waves of air +rolling away, almost visibly, through the sunshine, their sound +alternating with the thud of the pickaxe, so as to produce an effect of +intentional rhythm. One might have fancied that clock and pickaxe +iterated in turn, "Time, Death! Time, Death! Time, Death!" till the +clock had come to the end of its tale, and then the pickaxe went on +alone in the stillness--"Death! Death! Death! Death!" + +A smile, not easy to be accounted for, flitted across the face of Mrs. +Temperley. + +The old gravedigger paused at last in his toil, leaning on his pickaxe, +and bringing a red cotton handkerchief out of his hat to wipe his brow. + +"That seems rather hard work, Dodge," remarked the onlooker, leaning her +book upright on her knee and her chin on her hand. + +"Ay, that it be, mum; this clay's that stiff! Lord! folks is almost as +much trouble to them as buries as to them as bears 'em; it's all trouble +together, to my thinkin'." + +She assented with a musing nod. + +"And when a man's not a troublin' o' some other body, he's a troublin' +of hisself," added the philosopher. + +"You are cursed with a clear-sightedness that must make life a burden to +you," said Mrs. Temperley. + +"Well, mum, I do sort o' see the bearin's o' things better nor most," +Dodge modestly admitted. The lady knew, and liked to gratify, the +gravedigger's love of long-worded discourse. + +"Some people," she said, "are born contemplative, while others never +reflect at all, whatever the provocation." + +"Yes'm, that's just it; folks goes on as if they was to live for ever, +without no thought o' dyin'. As you was a sayin' jus' now, mum, there's +them as contemflecs natural like, and there's them as is born without +provocation----" + +"Everlastingly!" assented Mrs. Temperley with a sudden laugh. "You +evidently, Dodge, are one of those who strive to read the riddle of this +painful earth. Tell me what you think it is all about." + +Gratified by this appeal to his judgment, Dodge scratched his head, and +leant both brawny arms upon his pickaxe. + +"Well, mum," he said, "I s'pose it's the will o' th' Almighty as we is +brought into the world, and I don't say nothin' agin it--'tisn't my +place--but it do come over me powerful at times, wen I sees all the +vexin' as folks has to go through, as God A'mighty might 'a found +somethin' better to do with His time; not as I wants to find no fault +with His ways, which is past finding out," added the gravedigger, +falling to work again. + +A silence of some minutes was broken by Mrs. Temperley's enquiry as to +how long Dodge had followed this profession. + +"Nigh on twenty year, mum, come Michaelmas," replied Dodge. "I've lain +my couple o' hundred under the sod, easy; and a fine lot o' corpses they +was too, take 'em one with another." Dodge was evidently prepared to +stand up for the average corpse of the Craddock district against all +competitors. + +"This is a very healthy neighbourhood, I suppose," observed Mrs. +Temperley, seemingly by way of supplying an explanation of the proud +fact. + +"Lord bless you, as healthy as any place in the kingdom. There wasn't +one in ten as was ill when he died, as one may say." + +"But that scarcely seems an unmixed blessing," commented the lady +musingly, "to go off suddenly in the full flush of health and spirits; +it would be so discouraging." + +"Most was chills, took sudden," Dodge explained; "chills is wot chokes +up yer churchyards for yer. If we has another hard winter this year, we +shall have a job to find room in here. There's one or two in the village +already, as I has my eye on, wot----" + +"Was this one a chill?" interrupted Mrs. Temperley, with a nod towards +the new grave. + +"Wot, this here? Lord bless you, no, mum. This here's our schoolmarm. +Didn't you never hear tell about _her_?" This damning proof of his +companion's aloofness from village gossip seemed to paralyse the +gravedigger. + +"Why everybody's been a talkin' about it. Over varty, she war, and ought +to 'a knowed better." + +"But, with advancing years, it is rare that people _do_ get to know +better--about dying," Mrs. Temperley suggested, in defence of the +deceased schoolmistress. + +"I means about her conduc'," Dodge explained; "scand'lous thing. Why, +she's been in Craddock school since she war a little chit o' sixteen." + +"That seems to me a trifle dull, but scarcely scandalous," Mrs. +Temperley murmured. + +"... And as steady and respectable a young woman as you'd wish to see +... pupil teacher she was, and she rose to be schoolmarm," Dodge went +on. + +"It strikes me as a most blameless career," said his companion. +"Perhaps, as you say, considering her years, she ought to have known +better, but----" + +"She sort o' belongs to the place, as one may say," Dodge proceeded, +evidently quite unaware that he had omitted to give the clue to the +situation. "She's lived here all her life." + +"Then much may be forgiven her," muttered Mrs. Temperley. + +"And everybody respected of her, and the parson he thought a deal o' +her, he did, and used to hold her up as a sample to the other young +women, and nobody dreamt as she'd go and bring this here scandal on the +place; nobody knows who the man was, but it _is_ said as there's someone +_not_ twenty miles from here as knows more about it nor he didn't ought +to," Dodge added with sinister meaning. This dark hint conveyed +absolutely no enlightenment to the mind of Mrs. Temperley, from sheer +lack of familiarity, on her part, with the rumours of the district. +Dodge applied himself with a spurt to his work. + +"When she had her baby, she was like one out of her mind," he continued; +"she couldn't stand the disgrace and the neighbours talkin', and that. +Mrs. Walker she went and saw her, and brought her nourishin' things, and +kep' on a-telling her how she must try and make up for what she had +done, and repent and all that; but she never got up her heart again +like, and the poor soul took fever from grievin', the doctor says, and +raved on dreadful, accusin' of somebody, and sayin' he'd sent her to +hell; and then Wensday morning, ten o'clock, she died. Didn't you hear +the passing bell a-tolling, mum?" + +"Yes, the wind brought it down the valley; but I did not know whom it +was tolling for." + +"That's who it was," said Dodge. + +"This is an awfully sad story," cried Mrs. Temperley. + +Dodge ran his fingers through his hair judicially. "I don't hold with +them sort o' goings on for young women," he observed. + +"Do you hold with them for young men?" + +Dodge puckered up his face into an odd expression of mingled reflection +and worldly wisdom. "You can't prevent young fellers bein' young +fellers," he at length observed. + +"It seems almost a pity that being young fellows should also mean being +blackguards," observed Mrs. Temperley calmly. + +"Well, there's somethin' to be said for that way o' lookin' at it," +Dodge was startled into agreeing. + +"I suppose _she_ gets all the blame of the thing," the lady went on, +with quiet exasperation. Dodge seemed thrown off his bearings. + +"Everybody in Craddock was a-talking about it, as was only to be +expected," said the gravedigger. "Well, well, we're all sinners. Don't +do to be too hard on folks. 'Pears sad like after keepin' 'spectable for +all them years too--sort o' waste." + +Mrs. Temperley gave a little laugh, which seemed to Dodge rather +eccentric. + +"Who is looking after the baby?" she asked. + +"One of the neighbours, name o' Gullick, as her husband works for Lord +Engleton, which she takes in washing," Dodge comprehensively explained. + +"Had its mother no relatives?" + +"Well, she had an aunt down at Southampton, I've heard tell, but she +didn't take much notice of her, not _she_ didn't. Her mother only died +last year, took off sudden before her daughter could get to her." + +"Your schoolmistress has known trouble," observed Mrs. Temperley. "Had +she no one, no sister, no friend, during all this time that she could +turn to for help or counsel?" + +"Not as I knows of," Dodge replied. + +There was a long pause, during which the stillness seemed to weigh upon +the air, as if the pressure of Fate were hanging there with ruthless +immobility. + +"She ain't got no more to suffer now," Dodge remarked, nodding with an +aspect of half apology towards the grave. "They sleeps soft as sleeps +here." + +"Good heavens, I hope so!" Mrs. Temperley exclaimed. + +The grave had made considerable progress before she descended from the +stile and prepared to take her homeward way. On leaving, she made Dodge +come with her to the gate, and point out the red-roofed cottage covered +with monthly roses and flaming creeper, where the schoolmistress had +passed so many years, and where she now lay with her work and her days +all over, in the tiny upper room, at whose latticed window the sun used +to wake her on summer mornings, or the winter rain pattered dreary +prophecies of the tears that she would one day shed. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + +"If you please, ma'am, the cook says as the meat hasn't come for lunch, +and what is she to do?" + +"Without," replied Mrs. Temperley automatically. + +The maid waited for more discreet directions. She had given a month's +notice that very morning, because she found Craddock Dene too dull. + +"Thank goodness, that barbarian is going!" Hubert had exclaimed. + +"We shall but exchange a Goth for a Vandal," his wife replied. + +Mrs. Temperley gazed intently at her maid, the light of intelligence +gradually dawning in her countenance. "Is there anything else in the +house, Sapph--Sophia?" + +"No, ma'am," replied Sophia. + +"Oh, tell the cook to make it into a fricassee, and be sure it is well +flavoured." The maid hesitated, but seeing from the wandering expression +of her employer's eye that her intellect was again clouded over, she +retired to give the message to the cook--with comments. + +The library at the Red House was the only room that had been radically +altered since the days of the former tenants, whose taste had leant +towards the florid rather than the classic. The general effect had been +toned down, but it was impossible to disguise the leading motive; or +what Mrs. Temperley passionately described as its brutal vulgarity. The +library alone had been subjected to _peine forte et dure_. Mrs. +Temperley said that it had been purified by suffering. By dint of +tearing down and dragging out offending objects ("such a pity!" cried +the neighbours) its prosperous and complacent absurdity had been +humbled. Mrs. Temperley retired to this refuge after her encounter with +Sophia. That perennially aggrieved young person entered almost +immediately afterwards and announced a visitor, with an air that +implied--"She'll stay to lunch; see if she don't, and what'll you do +then? Yah!" + +The pronunciation of the visitor's name was such, that, for the moment, +Mrs. Temperley did not recognize it as that of Miss Valeria Du Prel. + +She jumped up joyfully. "Ah, Valeria, this _is_ delightful!" + +The visit was explained after a characteristic fashion. Miss Du Prel +realized that over two years had passed since she had seen Hadria, and +moreover she had been seized with an overwhelming longing for a sight of +country fields and a whiff of country air, so she had put a few things +together in a handbag, which she had left at Craddock station by +accident, and come down. Was there anyone who could go and fetch her +handbag? It was such a nuisance; she laid it down for a moment to get at +her ticket--she never could find her pocket, dressmakers always hid them +in such an absurd way; could Hadria recommend any dressmaker who did not +hide pockets? Wasn't it tiresome? She had no time-table, and so she had +gone to the station that morning and waited till a Craddock train +started, and by this arrangement it had come to pass that she had spent +an hour and a half on the platform: she did not think she ever had such +an unpleasant time; why didn't they have trains oftener? They did to +Putney. + +Mrs. Temperley sat down and laughed. Whereupon the other's face +lightened and she joined in the laugh at her own expense, settling into +the easy chair that her hostess had prepared for her, with a gesture of +helplessness and comfort. + +"Well, in spite of that time at the station, I'm glad I came. It seems +so long since I have seen you, dear Hadria, and the last time you know +you were very unhappy, almost mad----" + +"Yes, yes; never mind about that," interposed Mrs. Temperley hastily, +setting her teeth together. + +"You take things too hard, too hard," said Miss Du Prel. "I used to +think _I_ was bad in that way, but I am phlegmatic compared with you. +One would suppose that----" + +"Valeria, don't, don't, don't," cried Mrs. Temperley. "I can't stand +it." Her teeth were still set tight and hard, her hands were clenched. + +"Very well, very well. Tell me what you have been making of this +ridiculous old world, where everything goes wrong and everybody is +stupid or wicked, or both." + +Mrs. Temperley's face relaxed a little, though the signs of some strong +emotion were still visible. + +"Well, to answer the general by the particular, I have spent the +morning, accompanied by a nice young brood of Cochin-China fowls, in +Craddock churchyard." + +"Oh, I hate a churchyard," exclaimed Miss Du Prel, with a shudder. "It +makes one think of the hideous mockery of life, and the more one would +like to die, the worse seems the brutality of death and his hideous +accompaniments. It is such a savage denial of all human aspirations and +affections and hopes. Ah, it is horrible!" The sharply-outlined face +grew haggard and white, as its owner crouched over the fire. + +"Heaven knows! but it was very serene and very lovely up there this +morning." + +"Ah!" exclaimed Valeria with a burst of strange enthusiasm and sadness, +that revealed all the fire and yearning and power that had raised her +above her fellows in the scale of consciousness, with the penalty of a +life of solitude and of sorrow. + +"Surely it is not without meaning that the places of the dead are the +serenest spots on earth," said Mrs. Temperley. "If I could keep myself +in the mood that the place induces, I think I should not mind anything +very much any more. The sunshine seems to rest more tenderly there than +elsewhere, and the winds have a reverence for the graves, as if they +felt it time that the dead were left in peace--the 'happier dead,' as +poor immortal Tithonius calls them, who has not the gift of death. And +the grey old tower and the weather stains on the stones; there is a +conspiracy of beauty in the place, that holds one as one is held by +music." + +"Ah! I know the magic of these things; it tempts one to believe at times +that Nature is _not_ all blind and unpitying. But that is a delusion: if +there were any pity in Nature, the human spirit would not be dowered +with such infinite and terrible longings and such capacities and dreams +and prayers and then--then insulted with the mockery of death and +annihilation." + +"If there should be no Beyond," muttered Mrs. Temperley. + +"That to me is inconceivable. When we die we fall into an eternal sleep. +Moreover, I can see no creed that does not add the fear of future +torments to the certainties of these." + +Mrs. Temperley was seized with a bitter mood. "You should cultivate +faith," she said; "it acts the part of the heading 'Sundries omitted' in +one's weekly accounts; one can put down under it everything that can't +be understood--but you don't keep weekly accounts, so it's no use +pointing out to you the peace that comes of that device." + +The entrance of Sophia with firewood turned the current of conversation. +"Good heavens! I don't think we have anything for lunch!" Mrs. Temperley +exclaimed. "Are you very hungry? What is to be done? It was the +faithlessness of our butcher that disturbed the serenity of my mood this +morning. Perhaps the poor beast whose carcase we were intending to +devour will feel serene instead of me: but, alas! I fear he has been +slaughtered _quand même_. That is one of the unsatisfactory things about +life: that all its worst miseries bring good to no one. One may deny +oneself, but not a living thing is necessarily the better for +it--generally many are the worse. The wheels of pain go turning day by +day, and the gods stand aloof--they will not help us, nor will they stay +the 'wild world' in its course. No, no," added Mrs. Temperley with a +laugh, "I am not tired of life, but I am tired _with_ it; it won't give +me what I want. That is perhaps because I want so much." + +The sound of male footsteps in the hall broke up the colloquy. + +"Good heavens! Hubert has brought home a crowd of people to lunch," +exclaimed Hadria, "a thing he scarcely ever does. What fatality can have +induced him to choose to-day of all others for this orgy of +hospitality?" + +"Does the day matter?" enquired Valeria, astonished at so much emotion. + +"_Does the day matter!_ Oh irresponsible question of the unwedded! When +I tell you the butcher has not sent the meat." + +"Oh ... can't one eat fish?" suggested Miss Du Prel. + +Hadria laughed and opened the door. + +"My dear, I have brought Fleming home to lunch." + +"Thank heaven, _only one!_" + +Temperley stared. + +"I could not conveniently have brought home several," he said. + +"I thought you would be at least seven," cried the mistress of the +house, "and with all the pertinacity of Wordsworth's little girl." + +"What _do_ you mean, if one may ask for simple English?" + +"Merely that that intolerable Sanders has broken his word--_hinc illæ +lacrimæ_." + +Hubert Temperley turned away in annoyance. He used to be amused by his +wife's flippancy before her marriage, but he had long since grown to +dislike it. He retired to get out some wine, while Hadria went forward +to welcome the guest, who now came in from the garden, where he had +lingered to talk to the children. + +"I am delighted to see you, Mr. Fleming; but I am grieved to say that we +have unluckily only a wretched luncheon to give you, and after your long +walk over the fields too! I am _so_ sorry. The fact is we are left, this +morning, with a gaping larder, at the mercy of a haughty and inconstant +butcher, who grinds down his helpless dependents without mercy, +overbearing creature that he is! We must ask you to be very tolerant." + +"Oh! please don't trouble about that; it doesn't matter in the least," +cried Mr. Fleming, pulling at his yellowish whiskers. He was a man of +about five-and-thirty, of medium height, dressed in knickerbockers and +Norfolk jacket that had seen some service. + +"What is the difficulty?" asked Hubert. + +"I was explaining to Mr. Fleming how inhospitably we are forced to treat +him, on account of that traitor Sanders." + +Hubert gave a gesture of annoyance. + +"I suppose there is something cold in the house." + +"Pudding, perhaps," said his wife hopelessly. "It is most unlucky." + +"My dear, surely there must be something cold that isn't pudding." + +"I fear, very little; but I will go and see the cook, though, alas! she +is not easy to inspire as regards her particular business. She is +extremely entertaining as a conversationalist, but I think she was meant +for society rather than the kitchen. I am sure society would be more +diverting if she were in it." + +Hadria was just turning to seek this misplaced genius, when she paused +in the doorway. + +"By the way, I suppose Sapphira has----" + +"Do try and cure yourself of the habit of calling the girl by that +absurd name, Hadria." + +"Oh, yes; but the name is so descriptive. She has told you of Miss Du +Prel's arrival?" + +"She has told me nothing of the sort." + +Temperley did not look overjoyed. There had never been much cordiality +between him and Valeria since the afternoon when they had met at +Dunaghee, and found their sentiments in hopeless opposition. + +Miss Du Prel took no interest in Hubert, though she admired his +character. She had every wish to make herself agreeable to him, but her +efforts in that direction were somewhat neutralized by an incurable +absence of mind. If she was not interested, as Hadria said, she was +seldom affable. + +Possibly Hubert's request to her, years ago at Dunaghee, to "think for a +moment" had not been forgiven. + +"Where is she? Oh!----" + +The exclamation was in consequence of Miss Du Prel's appearing at the +door of the library, whence she surveyed the group with absent-minded +intentness. + +Valeria woke up with a start, and responded to Hubert's greeting in an +erratic fashion, replying tragically, to a casual enquiry as to her +health, that she had been _frightfully_ ill. + +"I thought I was dying. But one never dies," she added in a disgusted +tone, whereat Hadria heartlessly laughed, and hurried the visitor +upstairs to help her to unpack. + +"Valeria," said Mrs. Temperley, while that lady was confusedly trying to +disentangle hat and hair, hat-pin and head, without involving the entire +system in a common ruin--"Valeria, we are not a remarkable people at +Craddock Dene. We may be worthy, we may have our good points, but we are +not brilliant (except the cook). Should Mr. Fleming fail to impress you +as a person of striking personality, I ask you, as a favour, _not_ to +emblazon that impression on every feature: should he address to you a +remark that you do not find interesting, and it is quite conceivable +that he may--do not glare at him scornfully for a moment, and----" + +Hadria was not allowed to finish the sentence. + +"As if I ever did any such thing--and people are so dull," said Miss Du +Prel. + +A few "curried details," as the hostess dejectedly described the fare, +had been supplemented with vegetables, fruit, and impromptu preparations +of eggs, and the luncheon was pronounced excellent and ample. + +Miss Du Prel said that she hoped the butcher would always forget to send +the meat. She liked these imaginative meals. + +Temperley purposely misunderstood her to say "imaginary meals," and +hoped that next time she came, Hadria would not have an oratorio in +course of composition. Miss Du Prel expressed a fiery interest in the +oratorio. + +"I judge the presence of oratorio by the absence of food," Temperley +explained suavely. + +Hadria watched the encounter with a mingled sense of amusement and +discomfort. + +Valeria was in no danger. To be morally crushed by an adversary, it is +necessary that one should be at least aware that the adversary is +engaged in crushing one: a consciousness that was plainly denied to Miss +Du Prel. Many a man far less able than Hubert had power to interest her, +while he could not even hold her attention. She used to complain to +Professor Fortescue that Temperley's ideas never seemed to have +originated in his own brain: they had been imported ready-made. Hubert +was among the many who shrink and harden into mental furrows as time +passes. What he had thought at twenty, at thirty-five had acquired +sanctity and certainty, from having been the opinion of Hubert Temperley +for all those favoured years. He had no suspicion that the views which +he cherished in so dainty and scholarly a fashion were simply an +_edition de luxe_ of the views of everybody else. But his wife had made +that discovery long ago. He smiled at the views of everybody else: his +own were put forth as something choice and superior. He had the happy +knack of being _bourgeois_ with the air of an artist. If one could +picture one's grocer weighing out sugar in a Spanish cloak and brigand's +hat, it would afford an excellent symbol of his spiritual estate. To be +perfectly commonplace in a brilliantly original way, is to be notable +after all. + +Mr. Fleming seemed puzzled by Miss Du Prel, at whom he glanced uneasily +from time to time, wondering what she would say next. At Craddock Dene, +ladies usually listened with a more or less breathless deference when +Temperley spoke. This new-comer seemed recklessly independent. + +Mrs. Temperley endeavoured to lead the conversation in ways of peace, +but Valeria was evidently on the war-path. Temperley was polite and +ironical, with under-meanings for Hadria's benefit. + +"If one asks impossible things of life, one is apt to be disappointed, I +fear," he said serenely. "Ask for the possible and natural harvest of a +woman's career, and see if you don't get it." + +"Let a canary plead for its cage, in short, and its commendable prayer +will be answered!" + +"If you like to put it thus ungraciously. I should say that one who +makes the most of his opportunities, as they stand, fares better than he +who sighs for other worlds to conquer." + +"I suppose that is what his relatives said to Columbus," observed Miss +Du Prel. + +"And how do you know they were not right?" he retorted. + +Mrs. Temperley gave the signal to rise. "Let's go for a walk," she +suggested, "the afternoon invites us. Look at it." + +The brilliant sunshine and the exercise brought about a more genial +mood. Only once was there anything approaching friction, and then it was +Hadria herself who caused it. + +"Yes, we all flatter ourselves that we are observing life, when we are +merely noting the occasions when some musty old notion of ours happens, +by chance, to get fulfilled." + +Hubert Temperley at once roused Miss Du Prel's interest by the large +stores of information that he had to pour forth on the history of the +district, from its earliest times to the present. He recalled the days +when these lands that looked so smooth and tended had been mere wastes +of marsh and forest. + +How quickly these great changes were accomplished! Valeria stood on the +brow of a wide corn-field, looking out over the sleeping country. A +century, after all, was not much more than one person's lifetime, yet in +scarcely nine of these--nine little troubled lifetimes--what incredible +things had occurred in this island of ours! How did it all come about? +"Not assuredly," Valeria remarked with sudden malice, "by taking things +as they stood, and making the best of them with imbecile impatience. If +everyone had done that, what sort of an England should I have had +stretching before my eyes at this moment?" + +"You would not have been here to see," said Hadria, lazily rolling +stones down the hill with her foot. "We should all of us have been +dancing round some huge log-fire on the borders of a primeval forest, +and instead of browsing on salads, as we did to-day, we should be +sustaining ourselves on the unholy nourishment of boiled parent or +grilled aunt." + +Mr. Temperley's refined appearance and manner seemed to raise an +incarnate protest against this revolting picture. For some occult +reason, the imagination of all was at work especially and exclusively on +the figure of that polished gentleman in war-paint and feathers, +sporting round the cauldron that contained the boiled earthly remains of +his relations. + +Mr. Fleming betrayed the common thought by remarking that it would be +very becoming to him. + +"Ah! I wish we _were_ all savages in feathers and war-paint, dancing on +the edge of some wild forest, with nothing but the sea and the sky for +limits!" + +Miss Du Prel surprised her audience by this earnest aspiration. + +"Do you feel inclined to revert?" Hadria enquired. "Because if so, I +shall be glad to join you." + +"I think there _is_ a slight touch of the savage about Mrs. Temperley," +observed Fleming pensively. "I mean, don't you know--of course----." + +"You are quite right!" cried Valeria. "I have often noticed a sort of +wildness that crops up now and then through a very smooth surface. +Hadria may sigh for the woodlands, yet----!" + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + +The first break in the unity of the Fullerton family had occurred on the +occasion of Hadria's marriage. The short period that elapsed between +that memorable New-Year's-Eve and the wedding had been a painful +experience for Dunaghee. Hadria's conduct had shaken her brothers' faith +in her and in all womankind. Ernest especially had suffered disillusion. +He had supposed her above the ordinary, pettier weaknesses of humanity. +Other fellows' sisters had seemed to him miserable travesties of their +sex compared with her. (There was one exception only, to this rule.) But +now, what was he to think? She had shattered his faith. If she hadn't +been "so cocksure of herself," he wouldn't have minded so much; but +after all she had professed, to go and marry, and marry a starched +specimen like that! + +Fred was equally emphatic. For a long time he had regarded it all as a +joke. He shook his head knowingly, and said that sort of thing wouldn't +go down. When he was at length convinced, he danced with rage. He became +cynical. He had no patience with girls. They talked for talking's sake. +It meant nothing. + +Algitha understood, better than her brothers could understand, how +Hadria's emotional nature had been caught in some strange mood, how the +eloquent assurances of her lover might have half convinced her. +Algitha's own experience of proposals set her on the track of the +mystery. + +"It is most misleading," she pointed out, to her scoffing brothers. "One +would suppose that marrying was the simplest thing in the world--nothing +perilous, nothing to object to about it. A man proposes to you as if he +were asking you for the sixth waltz, only his manner is perfervid. And +my belief is that half the girls who accept don't realize that they are +agreeing to anything much more serious." + +"The more fools they!" + +"True; but it really is most bewildering. Claims, obligations, all the +ugly sides of the affair are hidden away; the man is at his best, full +of refinement and courtesy and unselfishness. And if he persuades the +girl that he really does care for her, how can she suppose that she +cannot trust her future to him--if he loves her? And yet she can't!" + +"How can a man suppose that one girl is going to be different from every +other girl?" asked Fred. + +"Different, you mean, from what he _supposes_ every other girl to be," +Algitha corrected. "It's his own look-out if he's such a fool." + +"I believe Hadria married because she was sick of being the family +consolation," said Ernest. + +"Well, of course, the hope of escape was very tempting. You boys don't +know what she went through. We all regret her marriage to Hubert +Temperley--though between ourselves, not more than _he_ regrets it, if I +am not much mistaken--but it is very certain that she could not have +gone on living at home much longer, as things were." + +Fred said that she ought to have broken out after Algitha's fashion, if +it was so bad as all that. + +"I think mother would have died if she had," said the sister. + +"Hadria _was_ awkwardly placed," Fred admitted. + +"Do you remember that evening in the garret when we all told her what we +thought?" asked Ernest. + +Nobody had forgotten that painful occasion. + +"She said then that if the worst came to the worst, she would simply run +away. What could prevent her?" + +"That wretched sister of his!" cried Algitha. "If it hadn't been for +her, the marriage would never have taken place. She got the ear of +mother after the engagement, and I am certain it was through her +influence that mother hurried the wedding on so. If only there had been +a little more time, it could have been prevented. And Henriette knew +that. She is as _knowing_----!" + +"I wish we had strangled her." + +"I shall never forget," Algitha went on, "that night when Hadria was +taken with a fit of terror--it was nothing less--and wrote to break off +the engagement, and that woman undertook to deliver the letter and lost +it, _on purpose_ I am always convinced, and then the favourable moment +was over." + +"What made her so anxious for the marriage beats me," cried Ernest. "It +was not a particularly good match from a mercenary point of view." + +"She thought us an interesting family to marry into," suggested Fred, +"which is undeniable." + +"Then she must be greatly disappointed at seeing so little of us!" cried +Ernest. + +In the early days, Miss Temperley had stayed frequently at the Red +House, and Hadria had been cut off from her own family, who detested +Henriette. + +For a year or more, there had been a fair promise of a successful +adjustment of the two incongruous natures in the new conditions. They +both tried to keep off dangerous ground and to avoid collisions of will. +They made the most of their one common interest, although even here they +soon found themselves out of sympathy. Hubert's instincts were +scholastic and lawful, Hadria was disposed to daring innovation. Her +bizarre compositions shocked him painfully. The two jarred on one +another, in great things and in small. The halcyon period was +short-lived. The dream, such as it was, came to an end. Hubert turned +to his sister, in his bewilderment and disappointment. They had both +counted so securely on the effect of experience and the pressure of +events to teach Hadria the desirable lesson, and they were dismayed to +find that, unlike other women, she had failed to learn it. Henriette was +in despair. It was she who had brought about the ill-starred union. How +could she ever forgive herself? How repair the error she had made? Only +by devoting herself to her brother, and trying patiently to bring his +wife to a wiser frame of mind. + +A considerable time had elapsed, during which Hadria saw her brothers +and sister only at long intervals. Ernest had become estranged from her, +to her great grief. He was as courteous and tender in his manner to her +as of yore, but there was a change, not to be mistaken. She had lost the +brother of her girlhood for ever. While it bitterly grieved, it did not +surprise her. She acknowledged in dismay the inconsistency of her +conduct. She must have been mad! The universal similarity in the +behaviour of girls, herself included, alarmed her. Was there some +external will that drove them all, in hordes, to their fate? Were all +the intricacies of event and circumstance, of their very emotion, merely +the workings of that ruthless cosmic will by which the individual was +hypnotised and ruled? + +As usual at critical moments, Hadria had been solitary in her encounter +with the elements of Fate. There were conflicts that even her sister +knew nothing about, the bewilderments and temptations of a nature +hampered in its action by its own voluminous qualities and its caprice. + +Her brothers supposed that in a short time Hadria would be "wearing +bonnets and a card-case, and going the rounds with an elegant expression +like the rest of them." + +How different were the little local facts of life--the little chopped-up +life that accumulates in odds and ends from moment to moment--from the +sun-and-smoke vision of early irresponsible days! + +Mrs. Fullerton was pleased with the marriage, not merely because +Hubert's father, Judge Temperley, could secure for his son a prosperous +career, but because she was so thankful to see a strange, unaccountable +girl like Hadria settling quietly down, with a couple of children to +keep her out of mischief. + +That was what it had come to! Perhaps they calculated a little too +surely. Possibly even two children might not keep her entirely out of +mischief. Out of what impulse of malice had Fate pitched upon the most +essentially mutinous and erratic of the whole brood, for the sedatest +_rôle_? But perhaps Fate, too, had calculated unscientifically. Mischief +was always possible, if one gave one's mind to it. Or was she growing +too old to have the spirit for thorough-going devilry? Youth seemed +rather an affair of mental outlook than of years. She felt twenty years +older since her marriage. She wondered why it was that marriage did not +make all women wicked,--openly and actively so. If ever there was an +arrangement by which every evil instinct and every spark of the devil +was likely to be aroused and infuriated, surely the customs and +traditions that clustered round this estate constituted that dangerous +combination! Hardship, difficulty, tragedy could be faced, but not the +humiliating, the degrading, the contemptible. Hadria had her own +particular ideas as to what ought to be set down under these headings. +Most women, she found, ranked certain elements very differently, with +lavish use of halos and gilding in their honour, feeling perhaps, she +hinted, the dire need of such external decoration. + +Good heavens! Did no other woman realize the insult of it all? Hadria +knew so few women intimately; none intimately enough to be convinced +that no such revolt lay smouldering beneath their smiles. She had a +lonely assurance that she had never met the sister-soul (for such there +must be by the score, as silent as she), who shared her rage and her +detestations. Valeria, with all her native pride, regarded these as +proof of a big flaw in an otherwise sound nature. Yet how deep, how +passionately strong, these feelings were, how gigantic the flaw! + +What possessed people that they did not see what was so brutally clear? +As young girls led forth unconscious into the battle, with a bandage +over their eyes, and cotton-wool in their ears--yes, then it was +inevitable that they should see and hear nothing. Had they been newly +imported from the moon they could scarcely have less acquaintance with +terrestrial conditions; but afterwards, when ruthlessly, with the +grinning assistance of the onlookers, the facts of the social scheme +were cynically revealed, and the _rôle_ imperiously allotted--with much +admonition and moving appeals to conscience and religion, and all the +other aides-de-camp at command--after all that, how in the name of +heaven could they continue to "babble of green fields"? Was it +conceivable that among the thousands of women to whom year after year +the facts were disclosed, not one understood and not one--_hated_? + +A flame sprang up in Hadria's eyes. There _must_ be other women +somewhere at this very moment, whose whole being was burning up with +this bitter, this sickening and futile hatred! But how few, how few! How +vast was the meek majority, fattening on indignity, proud of their +humiliation! Yet how wise they were after all. It hurt so to hate--to +hate like this. Submission was an affair of temperament, a gift of +birth. Nature endowed with a serviceable meekness those whom she +designed for insult. Yet it might not be meekness so much as mere brutal +necessity that held them all in thrall--the inexorable logic of +conditions. Fate knew better than to assail the victim point blank, and +so put her on her guard. No; she lured her on gently, cunningly, closing +behind her, one by one, the doors of escape, persuading her, forcing her +to fasten on her own tethers, appealing to a thousand qualities, good +and bad; now to a moment's weakness or pity, now to her eternal fear of +grieving others (_that_ was a well-worked vein!), now to her instinct of +self-sacrifice, now to grim necessity itself, profiting too by the +increasing discouragements, the vain efforts, the physical pain and +horrible weariness, the crowding of little difficulties, harassments, +the troubles of others--ah! how infinite were these! so that there was +no interval for breathing, and scarcely time or space to cope with the +legions of the moment; the horizon was black with their advancing hosts! + +And this assuredly was no unique experience. Hadria remembered how she +had once said that if the worst came to the worst, it would be easy to +run away. To her inexperience desperate remedies had seemed so simple, +so feasible--the factors of life so few and unentwined. She had not +understood how prolific are our deeds, how an act brings with it a large +and unexpected progeny, which surround us with new influences and force +upon us unforeseen conditions. Yet frequent had been the impulse to +adopt that girlish solution of the difficulty. She had no picturesque +grievances of the kind that would excite sympathy. On the contrary, +popular feeling would set dead against her; she would be acting on an +idea that nobody shared, not even her most intimate friend. + +Miss Du Prel had arrived at the conclusion that she did not understand +Hadria. She had attributed many of her peculiarities to her unique +education and her inexperience. Hadria had indeed changed greatly since +her marriage, but not in the manner that might have been expected. On +the contrary, a closer intimacy with popular social ideals had fired her +with a more angry spirit of rebellion. Miss Du Prel had met examples of +every kind of eccentricity, but she had never before come upon so marked +an instance of this particular type. Hadria's attitude towards life had +suggested to Miss Du Prel the idea of her heroine, _Caterina_. She +remonstrated with Hadria, assuring her that no insult towards women was +intended in the general scheme of society, and that it was a mistake to +regard it in so resentful a spirit. + +"But that is just the most insulting thing about it," Hadria exclaimed. +"Insult is so much a matter of course that people are surprised if one +takes umbrage at it. Read this passage from Aristotle that I came upon +the other day. He is perfectly calm and amiable, entirely unconscious of +offence, when he says that 'a wife ought to shew herself even more +obedient to the rein than if she entered the house as a purchased slave. +For she has been bought at a high price, for the sake of sharing life +and bearing children, than which no higher or holier tie can possibly +exist.' (Henriette to the very life!)" + +Miss Du Prel laughed, and re-read the passage from the _Politics_, in +some surprise. + +"Do you suppose insult is deliberately intended in that graceful +sentiment?" asked Hadria. "Obviously not. If any woman of that time had +blazed up in anger at the well-meant speech, she would have astonished +and grieved her contemporaries. Aristotle doubtless professed a high +respect for women who followed his precepts--as men do now when we are +obedient." + +"Of course, our society in this particular has not wandered far from the +Greek idea," Miss Du Prel observed pensively. + +Hadria pronounced the paradox, "The sharpness of the insult lies in its +not being intended." + +Miss Du Prel could not prevail upon her to modify the assertion. Hadria +pointed out that the Greeks also meant no offence in regarding their +respectable women as simple reproductive agents of inferior human +quality. + +"And though our well-brought-up girls shrink from the frank speech, they +do not appear to shrink from the ideas of the old Greeks. They don't +mind playing the part of cows so long as one doesn't mention it." + +About eighteen months ago, the village had been full of talk and +excitement in consequence of the birth of an heir to the house of +Engleton, Lady Engleton's mission in life being frankly regarded as +unfulfilled during the previous three or four years, when she had +disappointed the hopes of the family. Hadria listened scornfully. In her +eyes, the crowning indignity of the whole affair was Lady Engleton's own +smiling acceptance of the position, and her complacent eagerness to +produce the tardy inheritor of the property and honours. This expression +of sentiment had, by some means, reached the Vicarage and created much +consternation. + +Mrs. Walker asserted that it was right and Christian of the lady to +desire that which gave every one so much pleasure. "A climax of feminine +abjectness!" Hadria had exclaimed in Henriette's presence. + +Miss Temperley, after endeavouring to goad her sister-in-law into the +expression of jubilant congratulations, was met by the passionate +declaration that she felt more disposed to weep than to rejoice, and +more disposed to curse than to weep. + +Obviously, Miss Temperley had reason to be uneasy about her part in +bringing about her brother's marriage. + +These sudden overflows of exasperated feeling had become less frequent +as time went on, but the neighbours looked askance at Mrs. Temperley. +Though a powder-magazine may not always blow up, one passes it with a +grave consciousness of vast stores of inflammable material lying +somewhere within, and who knows what spark might set the thing spouting +to the skies? + +When the occasional visitors had left, life in the village settled down +to its normal level, or more accurately, to its normal flatness as +regarded general contours, and its petty inequalities in respect to +local detail. It reminded Hadria of the landscape which stretched in +quiet long lines to the low horizon, while close at hand, the ground +fussed and fretted itself into minor ups and downs of no character, but +with all the trouble of a mountain district in its complexities of slope +and hollow. Hadria suffered from a gnawing home-sickness; a longing for +the rougher, bleaker scenery of the North. + +The tired spirit translated the homely English country, so deeply +reposeful in its spirit, into an image of dull unrest. If only those +broken, stupid lines could have been smoothed out into the grandeur of a +plain, Hadria thought that it would have comforted her, as if a song had +moved across it with the long-stretching winds. As it was, to look from +her window only meant to find repeated the trivialities of life, more +picturesque indeed, but still trivialities. It was the estimable and +domestic qualities of Nature that presented themselves: Nature in her +most maternal and uninspired mood--Mother earth submissive to the +dictatorship of man, permitting herself to be torn, and wounded, and +furrowed, and harrowed at his pleasure, yielding her substance and her +life to sustain the produce of his choosing, her body and her soul +abandoned supine to his caprice. The sight had an exasperating effect +upon Hadria. Its symbolism haunted her. The calm, sweet English +landscape affected her at times with a sort of disgust. It was, perhaps, +the same in kind as the far stronger sensation of disgust that she felt +when she first saw Lady Engleton with her new-born child, full of pride +and exultation. It was as much as she could do to shake hands with the +happy mother. + +When Valeria expressed dismay at so strange a feeling Hadria had refused +to be treated as a solitary sinner. There were plenty of +fellow-culprits, she said, only they did not dare to speak out. Let +Valeria study girls and judge for herself. + +Hadria was challenged to name a girl. + +Well, Algitha for one. Hadria also suspected Marion Jordan, well-drilled +though she was by her dragoon of a mother. + +Valeria would not hear of it. Marion Jordan! the gentlest, timidest, +most typical of young English girls! Impossible! + +"I am almost sure of it, nevertheless," said Hadria. "Oh, believe me, it +is common enough! Few grasp it intellectually perhaps, but thousands +feel the insult; of that I am morally certain." + +"What leads you to think so in Marion's case?" + +"Some look, or tone, or word; something slight, but to my mind +conclusive. Fellow-sinners detect one another, you know." + +"Well, I don't understand what the world is coming to!" exclaimed Miss +Du Prel. "Where are the natural instincts?" + +"Sprouting up for the first time perhaps," Hadria suggested. + +"They seem to be disappearing, if what you say has the slightest +foundation." + +"Oh, you are speaking of only _one_ kind of instinct. The others have +all been suppressed. Perhaps women are not altogether animals after all. +The thought is startling, I know. Try to face it." + +"I never supposed they were," cried Valeria, a little annoyed. + +"But you never made allowance for the suppressed instincts," said +Hadria. + +"I don't believe they _can_ be suppressed." + +"I believe they can be not merely suppressed, but killed past hope of +recovery. And I also believe that there may be, that there _must_ be, +ideas and emotions fermenting in people's brains, quite different from +those that they are supposed and ordered to cherish, and that these +heresies go on working in secret for years before they become even +suspected, and then suddenly the population exchange confessions." + +"After that the Deluge!" exclaimed Miss Du Prel. "You describe the +features of a great revolution." + +"So much the better," said Hadria; "and when the waters sink again, a +nice fresh clean world!" + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + +On the lawn of the Red House, a little group was collected under the big +walnut tree. The sunlight fell through the leaves on the singing +tea-kettle and the cups and saucers, and made bright patches on the +figures and the faces assembled round the tea-table. + +Hubert Temperley had again brought his friend Joseph Fleming, in the +forlorn hope, he said, of being able to give him something to eat and +drink. Ernest and Algitha and Fred were of the party. They had come down +from Saturday till Monday. Ernest was studying for the Bar. Fred had +entered a merchant's office in the city, and hated his work cordially. +Miss Du Prel was still at the Red House. + +Lady Engleton had called by chance this afternoon, and Mrs. Walker, the +vicar's wife, with two of her countless daughters, had come by +invitation. Mrs. Walker was a middle-aged, careworn, rather prim-looking +woman. Lady Engleton was handsome. Bright auburn hair waved back in +picturesque fashion from a piquant face, and constituted more than half +her claim to beauty. The brown eyes were bright and vivacious. The mouth +was seldom quite shut. It scarcely seemed worth while, the loquacious +lady had confessed. She showed a delicate taste in dress. Shades of +brown and russet made a fine harmony with her auburn hair, and the ivory +white and fresh red of her skin. + +She and Temperley always enjoyed a sprightly interchange of epigrams. +Lady Engleton had the qualities that Hubert had admired in Hadria before +their marriage, and she was entirely free from the other +characteristics that had exasperated him so desperately since that +hideous mistake that he had made. Lady Engleton had originality and +brilliancy, but she knew how to combine these qualities with perfect +obedience to the necessary conventions of life. She had the sparkle of +champagne, without the troublesome tendency of that delicate beverage to +break bounds, and brim over in iridescent, swelling, joyous foam, the +discreet edges of such goblets as custom might decree for the sunny +vintage. Lady Engleton sparkled, glowed, nipped even at times, was of +excellent dry quality, but she never frothed over. She always knew where +to stop; she had the genius of moderation. She stood to Hadria as a +correct rendering of a cherished idea stands to a faulty one. She made +Hubert acutely feel his misfortune, and shewed him his lost hope, his +shattered ideal. + +"Is the picture finished?" he enquired, as he handed Lady Engleton her +tea. + +"What, the view from your field? Not quite. I was working at it when +Claude Moreton and Mrs. Jordan and Marion arrived, and I have been +rather interrupted. That's the worst of visitors. One's little immortal +works do get put aside, poor things." + +Lady Engleton broke into the light laugh that had become almost +mechanical with her. + +"Your friends grudge the hours you spend in your studio," said +Temperley. + +"Oh, they don't mind, so long as I give them as much time as they want," +she said. "I have to apologise and compromise, don't you know, but, with +a little management, one can get on. Of course, society does ask a good +deal of attention, doesn't it? and one has to be so careful." + +"Just a little tact and thought," said Temperley with a sigh. + +Lady Engleton admired Algitha, who was standing with Ernest a little +apart from the group. + +"She is like your wife, and yet there is a singular difference in the +expression." + +Lady Engleton was too discreet to say that Mrs. Temperley lacked the +look of contentment and serenity that was so marked in her sister's +face. + +"Algitha is a thoroughly sensible girl," said the brother-in-law. + +"I hear you have not long returned from a visit to Mr. Fullerton's place +in Scotland, Mr. Temperley," observed the vicar's wife when her host +turned to address her. + +"Yes," he said, "we have been there half the summer. The boys thoroughly +enjoyed the freedom and the novelty. The river, of course, was a source +of great joy to them, and of hideous anxiety to the rest of us." + +"Of course, of course," assented Mrs. Walker. "Ah, there are the dear +little boys. Won't you come and give me a kiss, darling?" + +"Darling" did what was required in a business-like manner, and stood by, +while the lady discovered in him a speaking likeness to his parents, to +his Aunt Algitha and his Uncle Fred, not to mention the portrait of his +great-grandfather, the Solicitor-General, that hung in the dining-room. +The child seemed thoroughly accustomed to be thought the living image of +various relations, and he waited indifferently till the list was ended. + +"Do you know, we are half hoping that Professor Fortescue may be able to +come to us for a week or ten days?" said Lady Engleton. "We are so +looking forward to it." + +"Professor Fortescue is always a favourite," remarked Mrs. Walker. "It +is such a pity he does not return to the Priory, is it not?--a great +house like that standing empty. Of course it is very natural after the +dreadful event that happened there"--Mrs. Walker lowered her voice +discreetly--"but it seems a sin to leave the place untenanted." + +Lady Engleton explained that there was some prospect of the house being +let at last to a friend and colleague of the Professor. Mrs. Walker +doubtless would remember Professor Theobald, who used to come and stay +at Craddock Place rather frequently some years ago, a big man with beard +and moustache, very learned and very amusing. + +Mrs. Walker remembered him perfectly. Her husband had been so much +interested in his descriptions of a tour in Palestine, all through the +scenes of the New Testament. He was a great archæologist. Was he really +coming to the Priory? How very delightful. John would be so glad to hear +it. + +"Oh, it is not settled yet, but the two Professors are coming to us some +time soon, I believe, and Professor Theobald will look over the house +and see if he thinks it would be too unmanageably big for himself and +his old mother and sister. I hope he will take the place. He would bring +a new and interesting element into the village. What do you think of it, +Mrs. Temperley?" + +"Oh, I hope the learned and amusing Professor will come," she said. "The +worst of it is, from my point of view, that I shall have to give up my +practices there. Professor Fortescue allows me to wake the old piano +from its long slumbers in the drawing-room." + +"Oh, of course. Marion Jordan was telling me that she was quite startled +the other day, in crossing the Priory garden, to hear music stealing out +of the apparently deserted house. She had heard the country people say +that the ghost of poor Mrs. Fortescue walks along the terrace in the +twilight, and Marion looked quite scared when she came in, for the music +seemed to come from the drawing-room, where its mistress used to play so +much after she was first married. I almost wonder you can sit alone +there in the dusk, considering the dreadful associations of the place." + +"I am used to it now," Mrs. Temperley replied, "and it is so nice and +quiet in the empty house. One knows one can't be interrupted--unless by +ghosts." + +"Well, that is certainly a blessing," cried Lady Engleton. "I think I +shall ask Professor Fortescue to allow me also to go to the Priory to +pursue my art in peace and quietness; a truly hyperborean state, beyond +the region of visitors!" + +"There would be plenty of room for a dozen unsociable monomaniacs like +ourselves," said Mrs. Temperley. + +"I imagine you are a God-send to poor Mrs. Williams, the caretaker," +said Joseph Fleming. "She is my gamekeeper's sister, and I hear that she +finds the solitude in that vast house almost more than she can stand." + +"Poor woman!" said Lady Engleton. "Well, Mr. Fleming, what are the +sporting prospects this autumn?" + +He pulled himself together, and his face lighted up. On that subject he +could speak for hours. + +Of Joseph Fleming his friends all said: The best fellow in the world. A +kinder heart had no man. He lived on his little property from year's end +to year's end, for the sole and single end of depriving the pheasants +and partridges which he bred upon the estate, of their existence. He was +a confirmed bachelor, living quietly, and taking the world as he found +it (seeing that there was a sufficiency of partridges in good seasons); +trusting that there was a God above who would not let the supply run +short, if one honestly tried to do one's duty and lived an upright life, +harming no man, and women only so much as was strictly honourable and +necessary. He spoke ill of no one. He was diffident of his own powers, +except about sport, wherein he knew himself princely, and cherished that +sort of respect for woman, thoroughly sincere, which assigns to her a +pedestal in a sheltered niche, and offers her homage on condition of her +staying where she is put, even though she starve there, solitary and +esteemed. + +"Do tell me, Mr. Fleming, if you know, who is that very handsome woman +with the white hair?" said Lady Engleton. "She is talking to Mrs. +Walker. I seem to know the face." + +"Oh, that is Miss Valeria Du Prel, the authoress of those books that +Mrs. Walker is so shocked at." + +"Oh, of course; how stupid of me. I should like to have some +conversation with her." + +"That's easily managed. I don't think she and Mrs. Walker quite +appreciate each other." + +Lady Engleton laughed. + +Mrs. Walker was anxiously watching her daughters, and endeavouring to +keep them at a distance from Miss Du Prel, who looked tragically bored. + +Joseph Fleming found means to release her, and Lady Engleton's desire +was gratified. "I admire your books so much, Miss Du Prel, and I have so +often wished to see more of you; but you have been abroad for the last +two years, I hear." + +Lady Engleton, after asking the authoress to explain exactly what she +meant by her last book, enquired if she had the latest news of Professor +Fortescue. Lady Engleton had heard, with regret, that he had been +greatly worried about that troublesome nephew whom he had educated and +sent to Oxford. + +"The young fellow had been behaving very badly," Miss Du Prel said. + +"Ungrateful creature," cried Lady Engleton. "Running into debt I +suppose." + +Miss Du Prel feared that the Professor was suffering in health. He had +been working very hard. + +"Oh, yes; what was that about some method of killing animals +instantaneously to avoid the horrors of the slaughter-house? Professor +Theobald has been saying what a pity it is that a man so able should +waste his time over these fads. It would never bring him fame or profit, +only ridicule. Every man had his little weakness, but this idea of +saving pain to animals, Professor Theobald said, was becoming a sort of +mania with poor Fortescue, and one feared that it might injure his +career. He was greatly looked up to in the scientific world, but this +sort of thing of course---- + +"Though it is nice of him in a way," added Lady Engleton. + +"His weaknesses are nobler than most people's virtues," said Miss Du +Prel. + +"Then you number this among his weaknesses?" + +Algitha, who had joined the group, put this question. + +"I would rather see him working in the cause of humanity," Miss Du Prel +answered. + +Ernest surprised everyone by suggesting that possibly humanity was well +served, in the long run, by reminding it of the responsibility that goes +with power, and by giving it an object lesson in the decent treatment of +those who can't defend themselves. + +"You must have sat at the Professor's feet," cried Miss Du Prel, raising +her eyebrows. + +"I have," said Ernest, with a little gesture of pride. + +Lady Engleton shook her head. "I fear he flies too high for ordinary +mortals," she said; "and I doubt if even he can be quite consistent at +that altitude." + +"Better perhaps fly fairly high, and come down now and again to rest, if +one must, than grovel consistently and always," observed Ernest. + +Lady Engleton gave a little scream. "Mrs. Temperley, come to the rescue. +Your brother is calling us names. He says we grovel consistently and +always." + +Ernest laughed, and protested. Lady Engleton pretended to be mortally +offended. Mrs. Temperley was sorry she could give no redress. She had +suffered from Ernest's painful frankness from her youth upwards. + +The conversation grew discursive. Lady Engleton enjoyed the pastime of +lightly touching the edges of what she called "advanced" thought. She +sought the society of people like the two Professors and Miss Du Prel in +order to hear what dreadful and delightful things they really would say. +She read all the new books, and went to the courageous plays that Mrs. +Walker wouldn't mention. + +"Your last book, _Caterina_, is a mine of suggestion, Miss Du Prel," she +said. "It raises one most interesting point that has puzzled me +greatly. I don't know if you have all read the book? The heroine finds +herself differing in her view of life from everyone round her. She is +married, but she has made no secret of her scorn for the old ideals, and +has announced that she has no intention of being bound by them." + +Mrs. Temperley glanced uneasily at Miss Du Prel. + +"Accordingly she does even as she had said," continued Lady Engleton. +"She will not brook that interference with her liberty which marriage +among us old-fashioned people generally implies. She refuses to submit +to the attempt that is of course made (in spite of a pre-nuptial +understanding) to bring her under the yoke, and so off she goes and +lives independently, leaving husband and relatives lamenting." + +The vicar's wife said she thought she must be going home. Her husband +would be expecting her. + +"Oh, won't you wait a little, Mrs. Walker? Your daughters would perhaps +like a game of tennis with my brothers presently." + +Mrs. Walker yielded uneasily. + +"But before _Caterina_ takes the law into her own hands, in this way," +Lady Engleton continued, "she is troubled with doubts. She sometimes +wonders whether she ought not, after all, to respect the popular +standards (notwithstanding the compact), instead of disturbing everybody +by clinging to her own. Now was it strength of character or obstinate +egotism that induced her to stick to her original colours, come what +might? That is the question which the book has stated but left +unanswered." + +Miss Du Prel said that the book showed, if it showed anything, that one +must be true to one's own standard, and not attempt to respect an ideal +in practice that one despises in theory. We are bound, she asserted, to +produce that which is most individual within us; to be ourselves, and +not a poor imitation of someone else; to dare even apparent wrong-doing, +rather than submit to live a life of devotion to that which we cannot +believe. + +Mrs. Walker suggested to her daughters that they might go and have a +look at the rose-garden, but the daughters preferred to listen to the +conversation. + +"In real life," said the practical Algitha, "_Caterina_ would not have +been able to follow her idea so simply. Supposing she had had children +and complicated circumstances, what could she have done?" + +Miss Du Prel thought that a compromise might have been made. + +"A compromise by which she could act according to two opposite +standards?" + +Valeria was impatient of difficulties. It was not necessary that a woman +should leave her home in order to be true to her conscience. It was the +best method in _Caterina's_ case, but not in all. + +Miss Du Prel did not explain very clearly what she meant. Women made too +much of difficulties, she thought. Somehow people _had_ managed to +overcome obstacles. Look at--and then followed a list of shining +examples. + +"I believe you would blame a modern woman who imitated them," said Mrs. +Temperley. "These women have the inestimable advantage of being dead." + +"Ah, yes," Lady Engleton agreed, with a laugh, "we women may be anything +we like--in the last century." + +"The tides of a hundred years or so sweeping over one's audacious deed, +soften the raw edges. Then it is tolerated in the landscape; indeed, it +grows mossy and picturesque." Mrs. Temperley made this comparison. + +"And then think how useful it becomes to prove that a daring deed _can_ +be done, given only the necessary stuff in brain and heart." + +Mrs. Walker looked at Algitha in dismay. + +"One can throw it in the teeth of one's contemporaries," added Algitha, +"if they fail to produce a dramatic climax of the same kind." + +"Only," said Mrs. Temperley, "if they _do_ venture upon their own +dreadful deed--the deed demanded by their particular modern +predicament--then we all shriek vigorously." + +"Oh, we shriek less than we used to," said Lady Engleton. "It is quite a +relief to be able to retain one's respectability on easier terms." + +"In such a case as Miss Du Prel depicts? I doubt it. _Caterina_, in real +life, would have a lively story to tell. How selfish we should think +her! How we should point to the festoons of bleeding hearts that she had +wounded--a dripping cordon round the deserted home! No; I believe Miss +Du Prel herself would be horrified at her own _Caterina_ if she came +upon her unexpectedly in somebody's drawing-room." + +There was a laugh. + +"Of course, a great deal is to be said for the popular way of looking at +the matter," Lady Engleton observed. "This fascinating heroine must have +caused a great deal of real sorrow, or at least she _would_ have caused +it, were it not that her creator had considerably removed all relatives, +except a devoted couple of unorthodox parents, who are charmed at her +decision to scandalize society, and wonder why she doesn't do it sooner. +Parents like that don't grow on every bush." + +Mrs. Walker glanced nervously at her astonished girls. + +Lady Engleton pointed out that had _Caterina_ been situated in a more +ordinary manner, she would have certainly broken her parents' hearts and +embittered their last years, to say nothing of the husband and perhaps +the children, who would have suffered for want of a mother's care. + +"But why should the husband suffer?" asked Algitha. "_Caterina's_ +husband cordially detested her." + +"It is customary to regard the occasion as one proper for suffering," +said Mrs. Temperley, "and every well-regulated husband would suffer +accordingly." + +"Clearly," assented Lady Engleton. "When the world congratulates us we +rejoice, when it condoles with us we weep." + +"That at least, would not affect the children," said Algitha. "I don't +see why of necessity _they_ should suffer." + +"Their share of the woe would be least of all, I think," Mrs. Temperley +observed. "What ogre is going to ill-treat them? And since few of us +know how to bring up so much as an earth-worm reasonably, I can't see +that it matters so very much which particular woman looks after the +children. Any average fool would do." + +Mrs. Walker was stiffening in every limb. + +"The children would have the usual chances of their class; neither more +nor less, as it seems to me, for lack of a maternal burnt-offering." + +Mrs. Walker rose, gathered her daughters about her, and came forward to +say good-bye. She was sure her husband would be annoyed if she did not +return. She retired with nervous precipitation. + +"Really you will depopulate this village, Mrs. Temperley," cried Lady +Engleton with a laugh; "it is quite dangerous to bring up a family +within your reach. There will be a general exodus. I must be going +myself, or I shan't have an orthodox sentiment left." + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + +Henriette had secured Mrs. Fullerton for an ally, from the beginning. +When Hadria's parents visited the Red House, Miss Temperley was asked to +meet them, by special request. Henriette employed tact on a grand scale, +and achieved results in proportion. She was sorry that dear Hadria did +not more quickly recover her strength. Her health was not what it ought +to be. Mrs. Fullerton sighed. She was ready to play into Miss +Temperley's hands on every occasion. + +The latter had less success in her dealings with Miss Du Prel. She tried +to discover Hadria's more intimate feelings by talking her over with +Valeria, ignoring the snubs that were copiously administered by that +indignant lady. Valeria spoke with sublime scorn of this attempt. + +"To try and pump information out of a friend! Why not listen at the +key-hole, and be done with it!" + +Henriette's neat hair would have stood on end, had she heard Miss Du +Prel fit adjectives to her conduct. + +"I have learnt not to expect a nice sense of honour from superior +persons with unimpeachable sentiments," said Hadria. + +"You are certainly a good hater!" cried Valeria, with a laugh. + +"Oh, I don't hate Henriette; I only hate unimpeachable sentiments." + +The sentiments that Henriette represented had become, to Hadria, as the +walls of a prison from which she could see no means of escape. + +She had found that life took no heed either of her ambitions or of her +revolts. "And so I growl," she said. She might hate and chafe in secret +to her heart's content; external conformity was the one thing needful. + +"Hadria will be so different when she has children," everyone had said. +And so she was; but the difference was alarmingly in the wrong +direction. Throughout history, she reflected, children had been the +unfailing means of bringing women into line with tradition. Who could +stand against them? They had been able to force the most rebellious to +their knees. An appeal to the maternal instinct had quenched the +hardiest spirit of revolt. No wonder the instinct had been so trumpeted +and exalted! Women might harbour dreams and plan insurrections; but +their children--little ambassadors of the established and expected--were +argument enough to convince the most hardened sceptics. Their +helplessness was more powerful to suppress revolt than regiments of +armed soldiers. + +Such were the thoughts that wandered through Hadria's mind as she bent +her steps towards the cottage near Craddock Church, where, according to +the gravedigger's account, the baby of the unhappy schoolmistress was +being looked after by Mrs. Gullick. + +It would have puzzled the keenest observer to detect the unorthodox +nature of Mrs. Temperley's reflections, as she leant over the child, and +made enquiries as to its health and temperament. + +Mrs. Gullick seemed more disposed to indulge in remarks on its mother's +conduct than to give the desired information; but she finally admitted +that Ellen Jervis had an aunt at Southampton who was sending a little +money for the support of the child. Ellen Jervis had stayed with the +aunt during the summer holidays. Mrs. Gullick did not know what was to +be done. She had a large family of her own, and the cottage was small. + +Mrs. Temperley asked for the address of the aunt. + +"I suppose no one knows who the father is? He has not acknowledged the +child!" + +No; that was a mystery still. + +About a week later, Craddock Dene was amazed by the news that Mrs. +Temperley had taken the child of Ellen Jervis under her protection. A +cottage had been secured on the road to Craddock, a trustworthy nurse +engaged, and here the babe was established, with the consent and +blessing of the aunt. + +"You are the most inconsistent woman I ever met!" exclaimed Miss Du +Prel. + +"Why inconsistent?" + +"You say that children have been the means, from time immemorial, of +enslaving women, and here you go and adopt one of your enslavers!" + +"But this child is not legitimate." + +Valeria stared. + +"Whatever the wrongs of Ellen Jervis, at least there were no laws +written, and unwritten, which demanded of her as a duty that she should +become the mother of this child. In that respect she escapes the +ignominy reserved for the married mother who produces children that are +not even hers." + +"You do manage to ferret out the unpleasant aspects of our position!" +Miss Du Prel exclaimed. "But I want to know why you do this, Hadria. It +is good of you, but totally unlike you." + +"You are very polite!" cried Hadria. "Why should I not lay up store for +myself in heaven, as well as Mrs. Walker and the rest?" + +"You were not thinking of heaven when you did this deed, Hadria." + +"No; I was thinking of the other place." + +"And do you hope to get any satisfaction out of your _protégée_?" + +Hadria shrugged her shoulders. + +"I don't know. The child is the result of great sorrow and suffering; it +is the price of a woman's life; a woman who offended the world, having +lived for nearly forty weary obedient years, in circumstances dreary +enough to have turned twenty saints into as many sinners. No; I am no +Lady Bountiful. I feel in defending this child--a sorry defence I +know--that I am, in so far, opposing the world and the system of things +that I hate----. Ah! _how_ I hate it!" + +"Is it then hatred that prompts the deed?" + +Hadria looked thoughtfully towards the church tower, in whose shadow the +mother of the babe lay sleeping. + +"Can you ever quite unravel your own motives, Valeria? Hatred? Yes; +there is a large ingredient of hatred. Without it, probably this poor +infant would have been left to struggle through life alone, with a +mill-stone round its neck, and a miserable constitution into the +bargain. I hope to rescue its constitution. But that poor woman's story +touched me closely. It is so hard, so outrageous! The emptiness of her +existence; the lack of outlet for her affections; the endless monotony; +and then the sudden new interest and food for the starved emotions; the +hero-worship that is latent in us all; and then--good heavens!--for a +touch of poetry, of romance in her life, she would have been ready to +believe in the professions of the devil himself--and this man was a very +good understudy for the devil! Ah! If ever I should meet him!" + +"What would you do?" Valeria asked curiously. + +"Avenge her," said Hadria with set lips. + +"Easier said than done, my dear!" + +Gossip asserted that the father of the child was a man of some standing, +the bolder spirits even accusing Lord Engleton himself. But this was +conjecture run wild, and nobody seriously listened to it. + +Mrs. Walker was particularly scandalized with Mrs. Temperley's +ill-advised charity. Hadria had the habit of regarding the clergyman's +wife as another of society's victims. She placed side by side the +schoolmistress in her sorrow and disgrace, and the careworn woman at the +Vicarage, with her eleven children, and her shrivelled nature, poor and +dead as an autumn leaf that shivers before the wind. They had both +suffered--so Mrs. Temperley dared to assert--in the same cause. They +were both victims of the same creed. It was a terrible cultus, a savage +idol that had devoured them both, as cruel and insatiable as the brazen +god of old, with his internal fires, which the faithful fed devoutly, +with shrinking girls and screaming children. + +"I still fail to understand why you adopt this child," said Valeria. "My +_Caterina_ would never have done it." + +"The little creature interests me," said Hadria. "It is a tiny field for +the exercise of the creative forces. Every one has some form of active +amusement. Some like golf, others flirtation. I prefer this sort of +diversion." + +"But you have your own children to interest you, surely far more than +this one." + +Hadria's face grew set and defiant. + +"They represent to me the insult of society--my own private and +particular insult, the tribute exacted of my womanhood. It is through +them that I am to be subdued and humbled. Just once in a way, however, +the thing does not quite 'come off.'" + +"What has set you on edge so, I wonder." + +"People, traditions, unimpeachable sentiments." + +"_Yours_ are not unimpeachable at any rate!" Valeria cried laughing. +"_Caterina_ is an angel compared with you, and yet my publisher has his +doubts about her." + +"_Caterina_ would do as I do, I know," said Hadria. "Those who are +looked at askance by the world appeal to my instincts. I shall be able +to teach this child, perhaps, to strike a blow at the system which sent +her mother to a dishonoured grave, while it leaves the man for whose +sake she risked all this, in peace and the odour of sanctity." + +Time seemed to be marked, in the sleepy village, by the baby's growth. +Valeria, who thought she was fond of babies, used to accompany Hadria on +her visits to the cottage, but she treated the infant so much as if it +had been a guinea-pig or a rabbit that the nurse was indignant. + +The weeks passed in rapid monotony, filled with detail and leaving no +mark behind them, no sign of movement or progress. The cares of the +house, the children, left only limited time for walking, reading, +correspondence, and such music as could be wrung out of a crowded day. +An effort on Hadria's part, to make serious use of her musical talent +had been frustrated. But a pathetic, unquenchable hope always survived +that presently, when this or that corner had been turned, this or that +difficulty overcome, conditions would be conquered and opportunity +arrive. Not yet had she resigned her belief that the most harassing and +wearying and unceasing business that a human being can undertake, is +compatible with the stupendous labour and the unbounded claims of an +artist's career. The details of practical life and petty duties sprouted +up at every step. If they were put aside, even for a moment, the wheels +of daily existence became clogged and then all opportunity was over. +Hope had begun to alternate with a fear lest that evasive corner should +never be turned, that little crop of interruptions never cease to turn +up. And yet it was so foolish. Each obstacle in itself was paltry. It +was their number that overcame one, as the tiny arrows of the Lilliputs +overcame Gulliver. + +One of Hadria's best friends in Craddock Dene was Joseph Fleming, who +had become very intimate at the Red House during the last year or two. +Hadria used to tire of the necessity to be apparently rational (such was +her own version), and found it a relief to talk nonsense, just as she +pleased, to Joseph Fleming, who never objected or took offence, if he +occasionally looked surprised. Other men might have thought she was +laughing at them, but Joseph made no such mistake when Mrs. Temperley +broke out, as she did now and then, in fantastic fashion. + +She was standing, one morning, on the little bridge over the stream that +ran at a distance of a few hundred yards from the Red House. The two +boys were bespattering themselves in the meadow below, by the water's +verge. They called up at intervals to their mother the announcement of +some new discovery of flower or insect. + +Watching the stream sweeping through the bridge, she seemed the centre +of a charming domestic scene to Joseph Fleming, who chanced to pass by +with his dogs. He addressed himself to her maternal feelings by +remarking what handsome and clever boys they were. + +"Handsome and clever?" she repeated. "Is _that_ all you can say, Mr. +Fleming? When you set about it, I think you might provide a little +better food for one's parental sentiment. I suppose you will go and tell +Mrs. Walker that _her_ dozen and a half are all handsome and clever +too!" + +"Not so handsome and clever as yours," replied Mr. Fleming, a little +aghast at this ravenous maternal vanity. + +"What wretched poverty of expression!" Hadria complained. "I ask for +bread, and truly you give me a stone." + +Joseph Fleming eyed his companion askance. "I--I admire your boys +immensely, as you know," he said. + +"Not enough, not enough." + +"What can I say more?" + +"A mother has to find in her children all that she can hope to find in +life, and she naturally desires to make the most of them, don't you +see?" + +"Ah! yes, quite so," said Joseph dubiously. + +"Nobody, I suppose, likes to be commonplace all round; one must have +some poetry somewhere--so most women idealize their children, and if +other people won't help them in the effort, don't you see? it is most +discouraging." + +"Are you chaffing, or what?" Joseph enquired. + +"No, indeed; I am perilously serious." + +"I can well understand how a mother must get absorbed in her children," +said Joseph. "I suppose it's a sort of natural provision." + +"Think of Mrs. Allan with her outrageous eight--all making mud-pies!" +cried Hadria; "a magnificent 'natural provision!' A small income, a +small house, with those pervasive eight. You know the stampede when one +goes to call; the aroma of bread and butter (there are few things more +inspiring); the cook always about to leave; Mrs. Allan with a racking +headache. It is indeed not difficult to understand how a mother would +get absorbed in her children. Why, their pinafores alone would become +absorbing." + +"Quite so," said Mr. Fleming. Then a little anxious to change the +subject: "Oh, by the way, have you heard that the Priory is really to +be inhabited at last? Professor Theobald has almost decided to take it." + +"Really? that will be exciting for Craddock Dene. We shall have another +household to dissect and denounce. Providence watches over us all, I +verily believe." + +"I hope so," Joseph replied gravely. + +"Truly I hope so too," Hadria said, no less seriously, "for indeed we +need it." + +Joseph was too simple to be greatly surprised at anything that Mrs. +Temperley might say. He had decided that she was a little eccentric, and +that explained everything; just as he explained instances of +extraordinary reasoning power in a dog by calling it "instinct." +Whatever Mrs. Temperley might do was slightly eccentric, and had she +suddenly taken it into her head to dance a fandango on the public road, +it would have merely put a little extra strain on that word. + +By dint of not understanding her, Joseph Fleming had grown to feel +towards Mrs. Temperley a genuine liking, conscious, in his vague way, +that she was kind at heart, however bitter or strange she might +sometimes be in her speech. Moreover, she was not always eccentric or +unexpected. There would come periods when she would say and do very much +as her neighbours said and did; looking then pale and lifeless, but +absolutely beyond the reach of hostile criticism, as her champion would +suggest to carping neighbours. + +Not the most respected of the ladies who turned up their disapproving +noses, was more dull or more depressing than Hadria could be, on +occasion, as she had herself pointed out; and would not _this_ soften +stony hearts? + +When she discovered that her kindly neighbour had been fighting her +battles for her, she was touched; but she asked him not to expend his +strength on her behalf. She tried in vain to convince him that she did +not care to be invited too often to submit to the devitalizing processes +of social intercourse, to which the families of the district shrank not +from subjecting themselves. If Joseph Fleming chanced to call at the Red +House after her return from one of these entertainments, he was sure to +find Mrs. Temperley in one of her least comprehensible moods. But +whatever she might say, he stood up for her among the neighbours with +persistent loyalty. He decked her with virtues that she did not possess, +and represented her to the sceptical district, radiant in domestic +glory. Hadria thus found herself in an awkwardly uncertain position; +either she was looked at askance, as eccentric, or she found herself +called upon to make good expectations of saintliness, such as never were +on land or sea. + +Saintly? Hadria shook her head. She could imagine no one further from +such a condition than she was at present, and she felt it in her, to +swing down and down to the very opposite pole from that serene altitude. +She admitted that, from a utilitarian point of view, she was making a +vast mistake. As things were, Mrs. Walker and Mrs. Allan, laboriously +spinning their ponderous families on their own axes, in a reverent +spirit, had chosen the better part. But Hadria did not care. She would +_not_ settle down to make the best of things, as even Algitha now +recommended, "since there she was, and there was no helping it." + +"I will _never_ make the best of things," she said. "I know nothing that +gives such opportunities to the Devil." + +Hadria had characteristically left the paradox unjustified. + +"What do you mean?" asked Algitha. "Surely the enemy of good has most +hold over the discontented spirit." + +Hadria likened the contented to stagnant pools, wherein corruptions grow +apace. "It is only the discontented ocean that remains, for all its +storms, fresh and sane to the end." + +But though she said this, for opposition's sake perhaps, she had her +doubts about her own theory. Discontent was certainly the initiator of +all movement; but there was a kind of sullen discontent that stagnated +and ate inwards, like a disease. Better a cheerful sin or two than allow +_that_ to take hold! + +"But then there is this sickly feminine conscience to deal with!" she +exclaimed. "It clings to the worst of us still, and prevents the +wholesome big catastrophes that might bring salvation." + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + +Another year had blundered itself away, leaving little trace behind it, +in Craddock Dene. The schoolmistress's grave was greener and her child +rosier than of yore. Little Martha had now begun to talk, and promised +to be pretty and fair-haired like her mother. + +The boys and Algitha had come to spend Saturday and Sunday at the Red +House. Hadria hunted out a stupendous card-case (a wedding gift from +Mrs. Gordon), erected on her head a majestic bonnet, and announced to +the company that she was going for a round of visits. + +There was a yell of laughter. Hadria advanced across the lawn with quiet +dignity, bearing her card-case as one who takes part in a solemn +ceremony. + +"Where did you fall in with that casket?" enquired Fred. + +"And who was the architect of the cathedral?" asked Ernest. + +"This casket, as you call it, was presented to me by Mrs. Gordon. The +cathedral I designed myself." + +They all crowded round to examine the structure. There were many +derisive comments. + +"Gothic," said Ernest, "pure Gothic." + +"I should have described it as 'Early Perpendicular,'" objected Fred. + +"Don't display your neglected education; it's beyond all question +Gothic. Look at the steeple and the gargoyles and the handsome +vegetation. Ruskin would revel in it!" + +"Are you really going about in that thing?" asked Algitha. + +Hadria wished to know what was the use of designing a Gothic cathedral +if one couldn't go about in it. + +The bonnet was, in truth, a daring caricature of the prevailing fashion, +just sufficiently serious in expression to be wearable. + +"Well, I never before met a woman who would deliberately flout her +neighbours by wearing preposterous millinery!" Ernest exclaimed. + +Hadria went her round of calls, and all eyes fixed themselves on her +bonnet. Mrs. Allan, who had small opportunity of seeing the fashions, +seemed impressed if slightly puzzled by it. Mrs. Jordan evidently +thought it "loud." Mrs. Walker supposed it fashionable, but regretted +that this sort of thing was going to be worn this season. She hoped the +girls would modify the style in adopting it. + +Mrs. Walker had heard that the two Professors had arrived at Craddock +Place yesterday afternoon, and the Engletons expected them to make a +visit of some weeks. Hadria's face brightened. + +"And so at last we may hope that the Priory will be inhabited," said the +vicar's wife. + +"Of course you know," she added in the pained voice that she always +reserved for anecdotes of local ill-doing, "that Mrs. Fortescue +committed suicide there." + +Madame Bertaux, the English wife of a French official, had chanced to +call, and Mrs. Walker gave the details of the story for the benefit of +the new-comer. + +Madame Bertaux was a brisk, clever, good-looking woman, with a profound +knowledge of the world and a corresponding contempt for it. + +It appeared that the Professor's wife, whom Madame Bertaux had happened +to meet in Paris, was a young, beautiful, and self-willed girl, +passionately devoted to her husband. She was piqued at his lack of +jealousy, and doubted or pretended to doubt his love for her. In order +to put him to the test, she determined to rouse his jealousy by violent +and systematic flirtation. This led to an entanglement, and finally, in +a fit of reckless anger, to an elopement with a Captain Bolton who was +staying at the Priory at the time. Seized with remorse, she had returned +home to kill herself. This was the tragedy that had kept the old house +for so many years tenantless. Hadria's music was the only sound that had +disturbed its silence, since the day when the dead body of its mistress +was found in the drawing-room, which she was supposed to have entered +unknown to anyone, by the window that gave on to the terrace. + +Valeria Du Prel was able to throw more light on the strange story. She +had difficulty in speaking without rancour of the woman who had thrown +away the love of such a man. She admitted that the girl was extremely +fascinating, and had seemed to Valeria to have the faults of an +impetuous rather than of a bad nature. She cherished that singular +desire of many strong-willed women, to be ruled and mastered by the man +she loved, and she had entirely failed to understand her husband's +attitude towards her. She resented it as a sign of indifference. She was +like the Chinese wives, who complain bitterly of a husband's neglect +when he omits to beat them. She taunted the Professor for failing to +assert his "rights." + +"Morally, I have no rights, except such as you choose to give me of your +own free will," he replied. "I am not your gaoler." + +"And even that did not penetrate to her better nature till it was too +late," Valeria continued. "But after the mischief was done, that phrase +seems to have stung her to torment. Her training had blinded her, as one +is blinded in coming out of darkness into a bright light. She was used +to narrower hearts and smaller brains. Her last letter--a terrible +record of the miseries of remorse--shews that she recognized at last +what sort of a man he was whose heart she had broken. But even in her +repentance, she was unable to conquer her egotism. She could not face +the horrors of self-accusation; she preferred to kill herself." + +"What a shocking story!" cried Hadria. + +"And all the more so because the Professor clings to her memory so +faithfully. He blames himself for everything. He ought, he says, to have +realized better the influence of her training; he ought to have made her +understand that he could not assert what she called his 'rights' without +insulting her and himself." + +"Whenever one hears anything new about the Professor, it is always +something that makes one admire and love him more than ever!" cried +Hadria. + +Her first meeting with him was in the old Yew Avenue in the Priory +garden. He was on his way to call at the Red House. She stood on a patch +of grass by a rustic seat commanding the vista of yews, and above them, +a wilderness of lilacs and laburnums, in full flower. It looked to her +like a pathway that led to some exquisite fairy palace of one's +childhood. + +Almost with the first word that the Professor uttered, Hadria felt a +sense of relief and hope. The very air seemed to grow lighter, the scent +of the swaying flowers sweeter. She always afterwards associated this +moment of meeting with the image of that avenue of mourning yews, +crowned with the sunlit magnificence of an upper world of blossom. + +What had she been thinking of to run so close to despair during these +years? A word, a smile, and the dead weight swerved, swung into balance, +and life lifted up its head once more. She remembered now, not her +limitations, but the good things of her lot; the cruelties that Fate had +spared her, the miseries that the ruthless goddess had apportioned to +others. But the Professor's presence did not banish, but rather +emphasized, the craving to take part in the enriching of that general +life which was so poor and sad. He strengthened her disposition to +revolt against the further impoverishment of it, through the starving of +her own nature. He would not blame her simply on account of difference +from others. She felt sure of that. He would not be shocked if she had +not answered to the stimulus of surroundings as faithfully as most +women seemed to answer to them. Circumstance had done its usual utmost +to excite her instinct to beat down the claims of her other self, but +for once, circumstance had failed. It was a solitary failure among a +creditable multitude of victories. But if instinct had not responded to +the imperious summons, the other self had been suffering the terrors of +a siege, and the garrison had grown starved and weakly. What would be +the end of it? And the little cynical imp that peeped among her +thoughts, as a monkey among forest boughs, gibbered his customary "What +matters it? One woman's destiny is but a small affair. If I were you I +would make less fuss about it." The Professor would understand that she +did not wish to make a fuss. He would not be hard upon any human being. +He knew that existence was not such an easy affair to manage. She wished +that she could tell him everything in her life--its struggle, its +desperate longing and ambition, its hatred, its love: only _he_ would +understand all the contradictions and all the pain. She would not mind +his blame, because he would understand, and the blame would be just. + +They walked together down the avenue towards the beautiful old Tudor +house, which stood on the further side of a broad lawn. + +The Professor looked worn and thin. He owned to being very tired of the +hurry and struggle of town. He was sick of the conflict of jealousies +and ambitions. It seemed so little worth while, this din of voices that +would so soon be silenced. + +"I starve for the sight of a true and simple face, for the grasp of a +brotherly hand." + +"_You?_" exclaimed Hadria. + +"There are so few, so very few, where the throng is thick and the battle +fierce. It saddens me to see good fellows trampling one another down, +growing hard and ungenerous. And then the vulgarity, the irreverence: +they are almost identical, I think. One grows very sick and sorry at +times amidst the cruelty and the baseness that threaten to destroy +one's courage and one's hope. I know that human nature has in it a germ +of nobility that will save it, in the long run, but meanwhile things +seem sadly out of joint." + +"Is that the order of the universe?" asked Hadria. + +"No, I think it is rather the disorder of man's nature," he replied. + +Hadria asked if he would return to tea at the Red House. The Professor +said he would like to call and see Hubert, but proposed a rest on the +terrace, as it was still early in the afternoon. + +"I used to avoid the place," he said, "but I made a mistake. I have +resolved to face the memories: it is better." + +It was the first time that he had ever referred, in Hadria's presence, +to the tragedy of the Priory. + +"I have often wished to speak to you about my wife," he said slowly, as +they sat down on the old seat, on the terrace. "I have felt that you +would understand the whole sad story, and I hoped that some day you +would know it." He paused and then added, "It has often been a comfort +to me to remember that you were in the world, for it made me feel less +lonely. I felt in you some new--what can I call it? instinct, impulse, +inspiration, which ran you straight against all the hardest stone walls +that intersect the pathways of this ridiculous old world. And, strange +to say, it is the very element in you that sets you at loggerheads with +others, that enabled me to understand you." + +Hadria looked bewildered. + +"To tell you the truth, I have always wondered why women have never felt +as I am sure you feel towards life. You remember that day at Dunaghee +when you were so annoyed at my guessing your thoughts. They were +unmistakeable to one who shared them. Your sex has always been a riddle +to me; there seemed to be something abject in their nature, even among +the noblest of them. But you are no riddle. While I think you are the +least simple woman I ever met, you are to me the easiest to +understand." + +"And yet I remember your telling me the exact contrary," said Hadria. + +"That was before I had caught the connecting thread. Had I been a woman, +I believe that life and my place in it would have affected me exactly as +it affects you." + +Hadria coloured over cheek and brow. It was so strange, so startling, so +delicious to find, for the first time in her life, this intimate +sympathy. + +"I wish my wife had possessed your friendship," he said. "I believe you +would have saved us." He passed his hands over his brow, looking round +at the closed windows of the drawing-room. "I almost feel as if she were +near us now on this old terrace that she loved so. She planted these +roses herself--how they have grown!" They were white cluster roses and +yellow banksias, which had strayed far along the balustrade, clambering +among the stone pillars. + +"You doubtless know the bare facts of her life, but nothing is so +misleading as bare fact. My wife was one of the positive natures, +capable of great nobility, but liable to glaring error and sin! She held +ideas passionately. She had the old barbaric notion that a husband was a +sort of master, and must assert his authority and rights. It was the +result of her training. I saw that a great development was before her. I +pleased myself with the thought of watching and helping it. She was +built on a grand scale. To set her free from prejudice, from her +injustice to herself, from her dependence on me; to teach her to breathe +deep with those big lungs of hers and think bravely with that capacious +brain: that was my dream. I hoped to hear her say to me some day, what I +fear no woman has yet been able to say to her husband, 'The day of our +marriage was the birthday of my freedom.'" + +Hadria drew a long breath. It seemed to overwhelm her that a man, even +the Professor, could utter such a sentiment. All the old hereditary +instincts of conquest and ownership appeared to be utterly dead in him. + +No wonder he had found life a lonely pilgrimage! He lived before his +time. His wife had taunted him because he would not treat her as his +legal property, or rule her through the claims and opportunities that +popular sentiment assigned to him. + +When a woman as generous as himself, as just, as gentle-hearted, had +appeared on the horizon of the world, the advent of a nobler social +order might be hoped for. The two were necessary for the new era. + +Then, not only imagination, but cold reason herself grew eloquent with +promises. + +"It was in there, in the old drawing-room, where we had sat together +evening after evening, that they found her dead, the very type of all +that is brilliant and exquisite and living. To me she was everything. +All my personal happiness was centred in her. I cared for nothing so +long as she was in the same world as myself, and I might love her. In +the darkness that followed, I was brought face to face with the most +terrible problems of human fate. I had troubled myself but little about +the question of the survival of the personality after death; I had been +pre-occupied with life. Now I realized out of what human longings and +what human desperation our religions are built. For one gleam of hope +that we should meet again--what would I not have given? But it never +came. The trend of my thought made all such hopes impossible. I have +grown charier of the word 'impossible' now. We know so infinitesimally +little. I had to learn to live on comfortless. All that was strongly +personal in me died. All care about myself went out suddenly, as in +other cases I think it goes out slowly, beaten down by the continued +buffetings of life. I gave myself to my work, and then a curious +decentralizing process took place. I ceased to be the point round which +the world revolved, in my own consciousness. We all start our career as +pivots, if I am not mistaken. The world span, and I, in my capacity of +atomic part, span with it. I mean that this was a continuous, not an +occasional state of consciousness. After that came an unexpected +peace." + +"You have travelled a long and hard road to find it!" cried Hadria. + +"Not a unique fate," he said with a smile. + +"It must be a terrible process that quite kills the personal in one, it +is so strong. With me the element is clamorous." + +"It has its part to play." + +"Surely the gods must be jealous of human beings. Why did they destroy +the germ of such happiness as you might have had?" + +"The stern old law holds for ever; wrong and error have to be expiated." + +The Professor traced the history of his wife's family, shewing the +gradual gathering of Fate to its culmination in the tragedy of her short +life. Her father and grandfather had both been men of violent and +tyrannical temper, and tradition gave the same character to their +forefathers. Eleanor's mother was one of the meek and saintly women who +almost invariably fall to the lot of overbearing men. She had made a +virtue of submitting to tyranny, and even to downright cruelty, thus +almost repeating the story of her equally meek predecessor, of whose +ill-treatment stories were still current in the district. + +"When death put an end to their wretchedness, one would suppose that the +evil of their lives was worked out and over, but it was not so. The +Erinnys were still unsatisfied. My poor wife became the victim of their +fury. And every new light that science throws upon human life shews that +this _must_ be so. The old Greeks saw that unconscious evil-doing is +punished as well as that which is conscious. These poor unselfish women, +piling up their own supposed merit, at the expense of the character of +their tyrants, laid up a store of misery for their descendant, my +unhappy wife. Imagine the sort of training and tradition that she had to +contend with; her mother ignorant and supine, her father violent, +bigoted, almost brutal. Eleanor's nature was obscured and distorted by +it. Having inherited the finer and stronger qualities of her father's +race, with much of its violence, she was going through a struggle at the +time of our marriage: training, native vigour and nobility all embroiled +in a desperate civil war. It was too much. There is no doubt as to the +ultimate issue, but the struggle killed her. It is a common story: a +character militant which meets destruction in the struggle for life. The +past evil pursues and throttles the present good." + +"This takes away the last consolation from women who have been forced to +submit to evil conditions," said Hadria. + +"It is the truth," said the Professor. "The Erinnys are no mere fancy of +the Greek mind. They are symbols of an awful fact of life that no one +can afford to ignore." + +"What insensate fools we all are!" Hadria exclaimed. "I mean women." + +The Professor made no polite objection to the statement. + +As they were wending their way towards the Red House, the Professor +reminded his companion of the old friendship that had existed between +them, ever since Hadria was a little girl. He had always cherished +towards her that sentiment of affectionate good-fellowship. She must +check him if he seemed to presume upon it, in seeking sympathy or +offering it. He watched her career with the deepest interest and +anxiety. He always believed that she would give some good gift to the +world. And he still believed it. Like the rest of us, she needed +sympathy at the right moment. + +"We need to feel that there is someone who believes in us, in our good +faith, in our good will, one who will not judge according to outward +success or failure. Remember," he said, "that I have that unbounded +faith in you. Nothing can move it. Whatever happens and wherever you may +be led by the strange chances of life, don't forget the existence of one +old friend, or imagine that anything can shake his friendship or his +desire to be of service." + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + +"The worst thing about the life of you married people," said Valeria, +"is its ridiculous rigidity. It takes more energy to get the dinner +delayed for a quarter of an hour in most well-regulated houses, or some +slight change in routine, than to alter a frontier, or pass an Act of +Parliament." + +Hadria laughed. "Until you discovered this by personal inconvenience, +you always scolded me for my disposition to jeer at the domestic +scheme." + +"It _is_ a little geometrical," Valeria admitted. + +"Geometrical! It is like a gigantic ordnance map palmed off on one +instead of a real landscape." + +"Come now, to be just, say an Italian garden." + +"That flatters it, but the simile will do. The eye sees to the end of +every path, and knows that it leads to nothing." + +"Ah! dear Hadria, but all the pathways of the world have that very same +goal." + +"At least some of them have the good taste to wind a little, and thus +disguise the fact. And think of the wild flowers one may gather by the +wayside in some forest track, or among the mountain passes; but in these +prim alleys what natural thing can one know? Brain and heart grow tame +and clipped to match the hedges, or take on grotesque shapes----" + +"That one must guard against." + +"Oh, I am sick of guarding against things. To be always warding off +evil, is an evil in itself. Better let it come." + +Valeria looked at her companion anxiously. + +"One knows how twirling round in a circle makes one giddy, or following +the same path stupefies. How does the polar bear feel, I wonder, after +he has walked up and down in his cage for years and years?" + +"Used to it, I imagine," said Valeria. + +"But before he gets used to it, that is the bad time. And then it is all +so confusing----" + +Hadria sat on the low parapet of the terrace at the Priory. Valeria had +a place on the topmost step, where the sun had been beating all the +morning. Hadria had taken off her hat to enjoy the warmth. The long +sprays of the roses were blown across her now and then. Once, a thorn +had left a mark of blood upon her hand. + +Valeria gathered a spray, and nodded slowly. + +"I don't want to allow emotion to get the better of me, Valeria. I don't +want to run rank like some overgrown weed, and so I dread the +accumulation of emotion--emotion that has never had a good explosive +utterance. One has to be so discreet in these Italian gardens; no one +shouts or says 'damn.'" + +"Ah! you naturally feel out of your element." + +Hadria laughed. "It's all very well to take that superior tone. _You_ +don't reside on an ordnance map." + +There was a pause. Miss Du Prel seemed lost in thought. + +"It is this dead silence that oppresses one, this hushed endurance of +the travail of life. How do these women stand it?" + +Valeria presently woke up, and admitted that to live in an English +village would drive her out of her mind in a week. "And yet, Valeria, +you have often professed to envy me, because I had what you called a +place in life--as if a place in Craddock Dene were the same thing!" + +"It is well that you do not mean all you say." + +"Or say all I mean." + +Valeria laid her hand on Hadria's with wistful tenderness. + +"I don't think anyone will ever quite understand you, Hadria." + +"Including perhaps myself. I sometimes fancy that when it became +necessary to provide me with a disposition, the material had run out, +for the moment, nothing being left but a few remnants of other people's +characters; so a living handful of these was taken up, roughly welded +together, and then the mixture was sent whirling into space, to boil and +sputter itself out as best it might." + +Miss Du Prel turned to her companion. + +"I see that you are incongruously situated, but don't you think that you +may be wrong yourself? Don't you think you may be making a mistake?" + +Hadria was emphatic in assent. + +"Not only do I think I may be wrong, but I don't see how--unless by pure +chance--I can be anything else. For I can't discover what is right. I +see women all round me actuated by this frenzied sense of duty; I see +them toiling submissively at their eternal treadmill; occupying their +best years in the business of filling their nurseries; losing their +youth, narrowing their intelligence, ruining their husbands, and +clouding their very moral sense at last. Well, I know that such conduct +is supposed to be right and virtuous. But I can't see it. It impresses +me simply as stupid and degrading. And from my narrow little point of +observation, the more I see of life, the more hopelessly involved become +all questions of right and wrong where our confounded sex is concerned." + +"Why? Because the standards are changing," asserted Miss Du Prel. + +"Because--look, Valeria, our present relation to life is _in itself_ an +injury, an insult--you have never seriously denied that--and how can one +make for oneself a moral code that has to lay its foundation-stone in +that very injury? And if one lays one's foundation-stone in open ground +beyond, then one's code is out of touch with present fact, and one's +morality consists in sheer revolt all along the line. The whole matter +is in confusion. You have to accept Mrs. Walker's and Mrs. Gordon's view +of the case, plainly and simply, or you get off into a sort of morass +and blunder into quicksands." + +"Then what happens?" + +"That's just what I don't know. That's just why I say that I am probably +wrong, because, in this transition period, there seems to be no clear +right." + +"To cease to believe in right and wrong would be to founder morally, +altogether," Valeria warned. + +"I know, and yet I begin to realize how true it is that there is no such +thing as absolute right or wrong. It is related to the case and the +moment." + +"This leads up to some desperate deed or other, Hadria," cried her +friend, "I have feared it, or hoped it, I scarcely know which, for some +time. But you alarm me to-day." + +"If I believed in the efficacy of a desperate deed, Valeria, I should +not chafe as I do, against the conditions of the present scheme of +things. If individuals could find a remedy for themselves, with a little +courage and will, there would be less occasion to growl." + +"But can they not?" + +"Can they?" asked Hadria. "A woman without means of livelihood, breaks +away from her moorings--well, it is as if a child were to fall into the +midst of some gigantic machinery that is going at full speed. Let her +try the feat, and the cracking of her bones by the big wheels will +attest its hopelessness. And yet I long to try!" Hadria added beneath +her breath. + +Miss Du Prel admitted that success was rare in the present delirious +state of competition. Individuals here and there pulled through. + +"I told you years ago that Nature had chosen our sex for ill-usage. Try +what we may, defeat and suffering await us, in one form or another. You +are dissatisfied with your form of suffering, I with mine. A creature in +pain always thinks it would be more bearable if only it were on the +other side." + +"Ah, I know you won't admit it," said Hadria, "but some day we shall all +see that this is the result of human cruelty and ignorance, and that it +is no more 'intended' or inherently necessary than that children should +be born with curvature of the spine, or rickets. Some day it will be as +clear as noon, that heartless 'some day' which can never help you or me, +or any of us who live now. It is we, I suppose, who are required to help +the 'some day.' Only how, when we are ourselves _in extremis_?" + +"The poor are helpers of the poor," said Valeria. + +"But if they grow too poor, to starvation point, then they can help no +more; they can only perish slowly." + +"I hoped," said Valeria, "that Professor Fortescue would have poured oil +upon the troubled waters." + +"He does in one sense. But in another, he makes me feel more than ever +what I am missing." + +Miss Du Prel's impulsive instincts could be kept at bay no longer. + +"There is really nothing for it, but some deed of daring," she cried. "I +believe, if only your husband could get over his horror of the scandal +and talk, that a separation would be best for you both. It is not as if +he cared for you. One can see he does not. You are such a strange, +inconsequent being, Hadria, that I believe you would feel the parting +far more than he would (conventions apart)." + +"No question of it," said Hadria. "Our disharmony, radical and hopeless +as it is, does not prevent my having a strong regard for Hubert. I can't +help seeing the admirable sides of his character. He is too irritated +and aggrieved to feel anything but rancour against me. It is natural. I +understand." + +"Ah, it will only end in some disaster, if you try to reconcile the +irreconcilable. Of course I think it is a great pity that you have not +more of the instincts on which homes are founded, but since you have +not----" + +Hadria turned sharply round. "Do you really regret that just for once +the old, old game has been played unsuccessfully? Therein I can't agree +with you, though I am the loser by it." Hadria grasped a swaying spray +that the wind blew towards her, and clasped it hard in her hand, +regardless of the thorns. "It gives me a keen, fierce pleasure to know +that for all their training and constraining and incitement and +starvation, I have _not_ developed masses of treacly instinct in which +mind and will and every human faculty struggle, in vain, to move leg or +wing, like some poor fly doomed to a sweet and sticky death. At least +the powers of the world shall not prevail with me by _that_ old device. +Mind and will and every human faculty may die, but they shall not drown, +in the usual applauded fashion, in seas of tepid, bubbling, up-swelling +instinct. I will dare anything rather than endure that. They must take +the trouble to provide instruments of death from without; they must lay +siege and starve me; they must attack in soldierly fashion; I will not +save them the exertion by developing the means of destruction from +within. There I stand at bay. They shall knock down the citadel of my +mind and will, stone by stone." + +"That is a terrible challenge!" exclaimed Miss Du Prel. + +A light laugh sounded across the lawn. + +The afternoon sunshine threw four long shadows over the grass: of a +slightly-built woman, of a very tall man, and of two smaller men. + +The figures themselves were hidden by a group of shrubs, and only the +shadows were visible. They paused, for a moment, as if in consultation; +the lady standing, with her weight half leaning on her parasol. The tall +man seemed to be talking to her vivaciously. His long, shadow-arms shot +across the grass, his head wagged. + +"The shadows of Fate!" cried Valeria fantastically. + +Then they moved into sight, advancing towards the terrace. + +"Who are they I wonder? Oh, Professor Fortescue, for one!" + +"Lady Engleton and Joseph Fleming. The other I don't know." + +He was very broad and tall, having a slight stoop, and a curious way of +carrying his head, craned forward. The attitude suggested a keen +observer. He was attired in knickerbockers and rough tweed Norfolk +jacket, and he looked robust and powerful, almost to excess. The chin +and mouth were concealed by the thick growth of dark hair, but one +suspected unpleasant things of the latter. As far as one could judge his +age, he seemed a man of about five-and-thirty, with vigour enough to +last for another fifty years. + +"That," said Valeria, "must be Professor Theobald. He has probably come +to see the house." + +"I am sure I shall hate that man," exclaimed Hadria. "He is not to be +trusted; what nonsense he is talking to Lady Engleton!" + +"You can't hear, can you?" + +"No; I can see. And she laughs and smiles and bandies words with him. He +is amusing certainly; there is that excuse for her; but I wonder how she +can do it." + +"What an extraordinary creature you are! To take a prejudice against a +man before you have spoken to him." + +"He is cruel, he is cruel!" exclaimed Hadria in a low, excited voice. +"He is like some cunning wild animal. Look at Professor Fortescue! his +opposite pole--why it is all clearer, at this distance, than if we were +under the confusing influence of their speech. See the contrast between +that quiet, firm walk, and the insinuating, conceited tread of the other +man. Joseph Fleming comes out well too, honest soul!" + +"He is carrying a fishing-rod. They have been fishing," said Valeria. + +"Not Professor Fortescue, I am certain. _He_ does not find his pleasure +in causing pain." + +"This hero-worship blinds you. Depend upon it, he is not without the +primitive instinct to kill." + +"There are individual exceptions to all savage instincts, or the world +would never move." + +"Instinct rules the world," said Miss Du Prel. "At least it is obviously +neither reason nor the moral sense that rules it." + +"Then why does it produce a Professor Fortescue now and then?" + +"Possibly as a corrective." + +"Or perhaps for fun," said Hadria. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + +"Professor Theobald, if you are able to resist the fascinations of this +old house you are made of sterner stuff than I thought." + +"I can never resist fascinations, Lady Engleton." + +"Do you ever try?" + +"My life is spent in the endeavour." + +"How foolish!" Whether this applied to the endeavour or to the remark, +did not quite appear. Lady Engleton's graceful figure leant over the +parapet. + +"Do you know, Mrs. Temperley," she said in her incessantly vivacious +manner, "I have scarcely heard a serious word since our two Professors +came to us. Isn't it disgraceful? I naturally expected to be improved +and enlightened, but they are both so frivolous, I can't keep them for a +moment to any important subject. They refuse to be profound. It is _I_ +who have to be profound." + +"While _we_ endeavour to be charming," said Professor Theobald. + +"You may think that flattering, but I confess it seems to me a beggarly +compliment (as men's to women usually are)." + +"You expect too much of finite intelligence, Lady Engleton." + +"This is how I am always put off! If it were not that you are both such +old friends--you are a sort of cousin I think, Professor Fortescue--I +should really feel aggrieved. One has to endure so much more from +relations. No, but really; I appeal to Mrs. Temperley. When one is +hungering for erudition, to be offered compliments! Not that I can +accuse Professor Fortescue of compliments," she added with a laugh; +"wild horses would not drag one from him. I angle vainly. But he is so +ridiculously young. He enjoys things as if he were a schoolboy. Does one +look for that in one's Professors? He talks of the country as if it were +_Paradise Regained_." + +"So it is to me," he said with a smile. + +"But that is not your _rôle_. You have to think, not to enjoy." + +"Then you must not invite us to Craddock Place," Professor Theobald +stipulated. + +"As usual, a halting compliment." + +"To take you seriously, Lady Engleton," said Professor Fortescue, +"(though I know it is a dangerous practice) one of the great advantages +of an occasional think is to enable one to relish the joys of mental +vacuity, just as the pleasure of idleness is never fully known till one +has worked." + +"Ah," sighed Lady Engleton, "I know I don't extract the full flavour out +of _that_!" + +"It is a neglected art," said the Professor. "After worrying himself +with the problems of existence, as the human being is prone to do, as +soon as existence is more or less secure and peaceful, a man can +experience few things more enjoyable than to leave aside all problems +and go out into the fields, into the sun, to feel the life in his veins, +the world at the threshold of his five senses." + +"Ah, now you really are profound at last, Professor!" + +"I thought it was risky to take you seriously." + +"No, no, I am delighted. The world at the threshold of one's five +senses. One has but to look and to listen and the beauty of things +displays itself for our benefit. Yes, but that is what the artists say, +not the Professors." + +"Even a Professor is human," pleaded Theobald. + +Valeria quoted some lines that she said expressed Professor Fortescue's +idea. + + "Carry me out into the wind and the sunshine, + Into the beautiful world!" + +Lady Engleton's artistic instinct seemed to occupy itself less with the +interpretation of Nature than with the appreciation of the handiwork of +man. The lines did not stir her. Professor Theobald shared her +indifference for the poetic expression, but not for the reality +expressed. + +"I quarrel with you about art," said Lady Engleton. "Art is art, and +nature is nature, both charming in their way, though I prefer art." + +"Our old quarrel!" said the Professor. + +"Because a wild glade is beautiful in its quality of wild glade, you +can't see the beauty in a trim bit of garden, with its delightful +suggestion of human thought and care." + +"I object to stiffness," said Professor Theobald. + +His proposals to improve the stately old gardens at the Priory by adding +what Lady Engleton called "fatuous wriggles to all the walks, for mere +wrigglings' sake," had led to hot discussions on the principles of art +and the relation of symmetry to the sensibilities of mankind. Lady +Engleton thought the Professor crude in taste, and shallow in knowledge, +on this point. + +"And yet you appreciate so keenly my old enamels, and your eye seeks +out, in a minute, a picturesque roof or gable." + +"Perhaps Theobald leans to the picturesque and does not care for the +classic," suggested his colleague; "a fundamental distinction in mental +bias." + +"Then why does he enjoy so much of the _Renaissance_ work on caskets and +goblets? He was raving about them last night in the choicest English." + +Lady Engleton crossed over to speak to Miss Du Prel. Professor Theobald +approached Mrs. Temperley and Joseph Fleming. Hadria knew by some +instinct that the Professor had been waiting for an opportunity to speak +to her. As he drew near, a feeling of intense enmity arose within her, +which reached its highest pitch when he addressed her in a fine, +low-toned voice of peculiarly fascinating quality. Every instinct rose +up as if in warning. He sat down beside her, and began to talk about +the Priory and its history. His ability was obvious, even in his choice +of words and his selection of incidents. He had the power of making dry +archæological facts almost dramatic. His speech differed from that of +most men, in the indefinable manner wherein excellence differs from +mediocrity. Yet Hadria was glad to notice some equally indefinable lack, +corresponding perhaps to the gap in his consciousness that Lady Engleton +had come upon in their discussions on the general principles of art. +What was it? A certain stilted, unreal quality? Scarcely. Words refused +to fit themselves to the evasive form. Something that suggested the term +"second class," though whether it were the manner or the substance that +was responsible for the impression, was difficult to say. + +Sometimes his words allowed two possible interpretations to be put upon +a sentence. He was a master of the ambiguous. Obviously it was not lack +of skill that produced the double-faced phrases. + +He did not leave his listeners long in doubt as to his personal history. +He enjoyed talking about himself. He was a Professor of archæology, and +had written various learned books on the subject. But his studies had by +no means been confined to the one theme. History had also interested him +profoundly. He had published a work on the old houses of England. The +Priory figured among them. It was not difficult to discover from the +conversation of this singular man, whose subtle and secretive instincts +were contradicted, at times, by a strange inconsequent frankness, that +his genuine feeling for the picturesque was accompanied by an equally +strong predilection for the appurtenances of wealth and splendour; his +love of great names and estates being almost of the calibre of the +housemaid's passion for lofty personages in her penny periodical. He +seemed to be a man of keen and cunning ability, who studied and played +upon the passions and weaknesses of his fellows, possibly for their +good, but always as a magician might deal with the beings subject to his +power. By what strange lapse did he thus naïvely lay himself open to +their smiles? + +Hadria was amused at his occasional impulse of egotistic frankness (or +what appeared to be such), when he would solemnly analyse his own +character, admitting his instinct to deceive with an engaging and +scholarly candour. + +His penetrating eyes kept a watch upon his audience. His very simplicity +seemed to be guarded by his keenness. + +Hadria chafed under his persistent effort to attract and interest her. +She gave a little inward shiver on finding that there was a vague, +unaccountable, and unpleasant fascination in the personality of the man. + +It was not charm, it was nothing that inspired admiration; it rather +inspired curiosity and stirred the spirit of research, a spirit which +evidently animated himself. She felt that, in order to investigate the +workings of her mind and her heart, the Professor would have coolly +pursued the most ruthless psychical experiments, no matter at what cost +of anguish to herself. In the interests of science and humanity, the +learned Professor would certainly not hesitate to make one wretched +individual agonize. + +His appeal to the intellect was stimulatingly strong; it was like a +stinging wind, that made one walk at a reckless pace, and brought the +blood tingling through every vein. That intellectual force could alone +explain the fact of his being counted by Professor Fortescue as a +friend. Even then it was a puzzling friendship. Could it be that to +Professor Fortescue, he shewed only his best side? His manner was more +respectful towards his colleague than towards other men, but even with +him he was irreverent in his heart, as towards mankind in general. + +To Hadria he spoke of Professor Fortescue with enthusiasm--praising his +great power, his generosity, his genial qualities, and his uprightness; +then he laughed at him as a modern Don Quixote, and sneered at his +efforts to save animal suffering when he might have made a name that +would never be forgotten, if he pursued a more fruitful branch of +research. + +Hadria remarked that Professor Theobald's last sentence had added the +crowning dignity to his eulogium. + +He glanced at her, as if taking her measure. + +"Fortescue," he called out, "I envy you your champion. You point, Mrs. +Temperley, to lofty altitudes. I, as a mere man, cannot pretend to scale +them." + +Then he proceeded to bring down feminine loftiness with virile reason. + +"In this world, where there are so many other evils to combat, one feels +that it is more rational to attack the more important first." + +"Ah! there is nothing like an evil to bolster up an evil," cried +Professor Fortescue; "the argument never fails. Every abuse may find +shelter behind it. The slave trade, for instance; have we not white +slavery in our midst? How inconsistent to trouble about negroes till our +own people are truly free! Wife-beating? Sad; but then children are +often shamefully ill-used. Wait till _they_ are fully protected before +fussing about wives. Protect children? Foolish knight-errant, when you +ought to know that drunkenness is at the root of these crimes! Sweep +away _this_ curse, before thinking of the children. As for animals, how +can any rational person consider _their_ sufferings, when there are men, +women, and children with wrongs to be redressed?" + +Professor Theobald laughed. + +"My dear Fortescue, I knew you would have some ingenious excuse for your +amiable weaknesses." + +"It is easier to find epithets than answers, Theobald," said the +Professor with a smile. "I confess I wonder at a man of your logical +power being taken in with this cheap argument, if argument it can be +called." + +"It is my attachment to logic that makes me crave for consistency," said +Theobald, not over pleased at his friend's attack. + +Professor Fortescue stared in surprise. + +"But do you really mean to tell me that you think it logical to excuse +one abuse by pointing to another?" + +"I think that while there are ill-used women and children, it is +certainly inconsistent to consider animals," said Theobald. + +"It does not occur to you that the spirit in man that permits abuse of +power over animals is precisely the same devil-inspired spirit that +expresses itself in cruelty towards children. Ah," continued Professor +Fortescue, shaking his head, "then you really are one of the many who +help wrong to breed wrong, and suffering to foster suffering, all the +world over. It is you and those who reason as you reason, who give to +our miseries their terrible vitality. What arguments has evil ever given +to evil! What shelter and succour cruelty offers eternally to cruelty!" + +"I can't attempt to combat this hobby of yours, Fortescue." + +"Again a be-littling epithet in place of an argument! But I know of old +that on this subject your intellectual acumen deserts you, as it deserts +nearly all men. You sink suddenly to lower spiritual rank, and employ +reasoning that you would laugh to scorn in connection with every other +topic." + +"You seem bent on crushing me," exclaimed Theobald. "And Mrs. Temperley +enjoys seeing me mangled. Talk about cruelty to animals! I call this +cold-blooded devilry! Mrs. Temperley, come to my rescue!" + +"So long as other forms of cruelty can be instanced, Professor Theobald, +I don't see how, on your own shewing, you can expect any consistent +person to raise a finger to help you," Hadria returned. Theobald +laughed. + +"But I consider myself too important and valuable to be made the subject +of this harsh treatment." + +"That is for others to decide. If it affords us amusement to torment +you, and amusement benefits our nerves and digestion, how can you justly +object? We must consider the greatest good of the greatest number; and +we are twice as numerous as you." + +"You are delicious!" he exclaimed. Mrs. Temperley's manner stiffened. + +Acute as the Professor was in many directions, he did not appear to +notice the change. + +His own manner was not above criticism. + +"It is strange," said Lady Engleton, in speaking of him afterwards to +Hadria, "it is strange that his cleverness does not come to the rescue; +but so far from that, I think it leads him a wild dance over boggy +ground, like some will-o'-the-wisp, but for whose freakish allurements +the good man might have trodden a quiet and inoffensive way." + +The only means of procuring the indispensable afternoon tea was to go on +to the Red House, which Mrs. Temperley proposed that they should all do. + +"And is there no shaking your decision about the Priory, Professor +Theobald?" Lady Engleton asked as they descended the steps. + +The Professor's quick glance sought Mrs. Temperley's before he answered. +"I confess to feeling less heroic this afternoon." + +"Oh, good! We may perhaps have you for a neighbour after all." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + + +Hadria tried to avoid Professor Theobald, but he was not easily avoided. +She frequently met him in her walks. The return of spring had tempted +her to resume her old habit of rising with the sun. But she found, what +she had feared, that her strength had departed, and she was fatigued +instead of invigorated, as of yore. She did not regard this loss in a +resigned spirit. Resignation was certainly not her strong point. The +vicar's wife and the doctor's wife and the rest of the neighbours +compared their woes and weariness over five o'clock tea, and these +appeared so many and so severe that Hadria felt half ashamed to count +hers at all. Yet why lower the altars of the sane goddess because her +shrine was deserted? Health was health, though all the women of England +were confirmed invalids. And with nothing less ought reasonable +creatures to be satisfied. As for taking enfeeblement as a natural +dispensation, she would as soon regard delirium tremens in that light. + +She chafed fiercely against the loss of that blessed sense of well-being +and overflowing health, that she used to have, in the old days. She +resented the nerve-weariness, the fatigue that she was now more +conscious of than ever, with the coming of the spring. The impulse of +creative energy broke forth in her. The pearly mornings and the birds' +songs stirred every instinct of expression. The outburst did not receive +its usual check. The influences of disenchantment were counteracted by +Professor Fortescue's presence. His sympathy was marvellous in its +penetration, brimming the cold hollows of her spirit, as a flooded +river fills the tiniest chinks and corners about its arid banks. He +called forth all her natural buoyancy and her exulting sense of life, +which was precisely the element which charged her sadness with such a +fierce electric quality, when she became possessed by it, as a cloud by +storm. + +Valeria too was roused by the season. + +"What a parable it all is, as old as the earth, and as fresh, each new +year, as if a messenger-angel had come straight from heaven, in his +home-spun of young green, to tell us that all is well." + +If Hadria met Professor Theobald in her rambles, she always cut short +her intended walk. She and Valeria with Professor Fortescue wandered +together, far and wide. They watched the daily budding greenery, the +gleams of daffodils among their sword-blades of leaves, the pushing of +sheaths and heads through the teeming soil, the bursts of sunshine and +the absurd childish little gushes of rain, skimming the green country +like a frown. + +"Truly a time for joy and idleness." + +"If only," said Hadria, when Professor Theobald thus grew enthusiastic +on the subject, "if only my cook had not given a month's notice." + +She would not second his mood, be it what it might. Each day, as they +passed along the lanes, the pale green had spread, like fire, on the +hedges, caught the chestnuts, with their fat buds shining in the sun, +which already was releasing the close-packed leaflets. + +Hadria (apparently out of sheer devilry, said Professor Theobald) kept +up a running commentary on the season, and on her hapless position, +bound to be off on the chase for a cook at this moment of festival. Nor +was this all. Crockery, pots and pans, clothes for the children, clothes +for herself, were urgently needed, and no experienced person, she +declared, could afford to regard the matter as simple because it was +trivial. + +"One of the ghastliest mistakes in this trivial and laborious world." + +Valeria thought that cooks had simply to be advertised for, and they +came. + +"What _naïveté!_" exclaimed Hadria. "Helen was persuaded to cross the +seas from her Spartan home to set Troy ablaze, and tarnish her fair +fame, but it would take twenty sons of Priam to induce a damsel to come +over dry land to Craddock Dene, to cook our dinners and retain her +character." + +"You would almost imply that women don't so very much care about their +characters," said Valeria. + +"Oh, they do! but sometimes the dulness that an intelligent society has +ordained as the classic accompaniment to social smiles, gets the better +of a select few--Helen _par exemple_." + +It frequently happened that Hadria and Miss Du Prel came across Lady +Engleton and her guests, in the Priory garden. From being accidental, +the meetings had become intentional. + +"I like to fancy we are fugitives--like Boccaccio's merry company--from +the plague of our daily prose, to this garden of sweet poetry!" cried +Miss Du Prel. + +They all kindled at the idea. Valeria made some fanciful laws that she +said were to govern the little realm. Everyone might express himself +freely, and all that he said would be held as sacred, as if it were in +confidence. To speak ill or slightingly of anyone, was forbidden. All +local and practical topics were to be dropped, as soon as the moss-grown +griffins who guarded the Garden of Forgetfulness were passed. + +Hadria was incorrigibly flippant about the banishment of important local +subjects. She said that the kitchen-boiler was out of order, and yet she +had to take part in these highly-cultivated conversations and smile, as +she complained, with that kitchen-boiler gnawing at her vitals. She +claimed to be set on a level with the Spartan boy, if not above him. +Valeria might scoff, as those proverbially did who never felt a wound. +Hadria found a certain lack of tender feeling among the happy few who +had no such tragic burdens to sustain. + +Not only were these prosaic subjects banished from within the cincture +of the gentle griffins, but also the suspicions, spites, petty +jealousies, vulgar curiosities, and all the indefinable little darts and +daggers that fly in the social air, destroying human sympathy and +good-will. Each mind could expand freely, no longer on the defensive +against the rain of small stabs. There grew up a delicate, and +chivalrous code among the little group who met within the griffins' +territory. + +"It is not for us to say that, individually, we transcend the average of +educated mortals," said Professor Theobald, "but I do assert that +collectively we soar high above that depressing standard." + +Professor Fortescue observed that whatever might be said about their own +little band, it was a strange fact that bodies of human beings were able +to produce, by union, a condition far above or far below the average of +their separate values. "There is something chemical and explosive in +human relationships," he said. + +These meetings stood out as a unique experience in the memory of all who +took part in them. Chance had brought them to pass, and they refused to +answer to the call of a less learned magician. + +Lady Engleton and Mrs. Temperley alternately sent tea and fruit to the +terrace, on the days of meeting, and there the little company would +spend the afternoon serenely, surrounded by the beauties of the garden +with its enticing avenues, its chaunting birds, its flushes of bloom, +and its rich delicious scents. + +"Why do we, in the nineteenth century, starve ourselves of these +delicate joys?" cried Valeria. "Why do we so seldom leave our stupid +pre-occupations and open our souls to the sun, to the spring, to the +gentle invitations of gardens, to the charm of conversation? We seem to +know nothing of the serenities, the urbanities of life." + +"We live too fast; we are too much troubled about outward things--cooks +and dressmakers, Mrs. Temperley," said Professor Theobald. + +"Poor cooks and dressmakers!" murmured Professor Fortescue, "where are +_their_ serenities and urbanities?" + +"I would not deprive any person of the good things of life," cried +Valeria; "but at present, it is only a few who can appreciate and +contribute to the delicate essence that I speak of. I don't think one +could expect it of one's cook, after all." + +"One is mad to expect anything of those who have had no chance," said +Professor Fortescue. "That nevertheless we consistently do,--or what +amounts to the same thing: we plume ourselves on what chance has enabled +us to be and to achieve, as if between us and the less fortunate there +were some great difference of calibre and merit. Nine times in ten, +there is nothing between us but luck." + +"Oh, dear, you _are_ democratic, Professor!" cried Lady Engleton. + +"No; I am merely trying to be just." + +"To be just you must apply your theory to men and women, as well as to +class and class," Valeria suggested. + +"_Mon Dieu!_ but so I do; so I always have done, as soon as I was +intellectually short-coated." + +"And would you excuse all our weaknesses on that ground?" asked Lady +Engleton, with a somewhat ingratiating upward gaze of her blue eyes. + +"I would account for them as I would account for the weaknesses of my +own sex. As for excusing, the question of moral responsibility is too +involved to be decided off-hand." + +The atmosphere of Griffin-land, as Professor Theobald called it, while +becoming to his character, made him a little recklessly frank at times. + +He admitted that throughout his varied experience of life, he had found +flattery the most powerful weapon in a skilled hand, and that he had +never known it fail. He related instances of the signal success which +had followed its application with the trowel. He reminded his listeners +of Lord Beaconsfield's famous saying, and chuckled over the unfortunate +woman, "plain as a pike-staff," who had become his benefactress, in +consequence of a discreet allusion to the "power of beauty" and a +well-placed sigh. + +"The woman must have been a fool!" said Joseph Fleming. + +"By no means; she was of brilliant intellect. But praises of that were +tame to her; she knew her force, and was perhaps tired of the solitude +it induced." Professor Theobald laughed mightily at his own sarcasm. +"But when the whisper of 'beauty' came stealing to her ear (which was by +no means like a shell) it was surpassing sweet to her. I think there is +no yearning more intense than that of a clever woman for the triumphs of +mere beauty. She would give all her powers of intellect for the smallest +tribute to personal and feminine charm. What is your verdict, Mrs. +Temperley?" + +Mrs. Temperley supposed that clever women had something of human nature +in them, and valued overmuch what they did not possess. + +Professor Theobald had perhaps looked for an answer that would have +betrayed more of the speaker's secret feelings. + +"It is the fashion, I know," he said, "to regard woman as an enigma. +Now, without professing any unusual acuteness, I believe that this is a +mistake. Woman is an enigma certainly, because she is human, but that +ends it. Her conditions have tended to cultivate in her the power of +dissimulation, and the histrionic quality, just as the peaceful ilex +learns to put forth thorns if you expose it to the attacks of devouring +cattle. It is this instinct to develop thorns in self-defence, and yet +to live a little behind the prickly outposts, that leads to our notion +of mystery in woman's nature. Let a man's subsistence and career be +subject to the same powers and chances as the success of a woman's life +now hangs on, and see whether he too does not become a histrionic +enigma." + +Professor Fortescue observed that the clergy, at times, developed +qualities called feminine, because in some respects their conditions +resembled those of women. + +Theobald assented enthusiastically to this view. He had himself entered +the church as a young fellow (let not Mrs. Temperley look so +inconsiderately astonished), and had left it on account of being unable +to conscientiously subscribe to its tenets. + +"But not before I had acquired some severe training in that sort of +strategy which is incumbent upon women, in the conduct of their lives. +Whatever I might privately think or feel, my office required that I +should only express that which would be more or less grateful to my +hearers. (Is not this the woman's case, in almost every position in +life?) Even orthodoxy must trip it on tiptoe; there was always some +prejudice, some susceptibility to consider. What was frankness in others +was imprudence in me; other men's minds might roam at large; mine was +tethered, if not in its secret movements, at least in its utterance; and +it is a curious and somewhat sinister law of Nature, that perpetual +denial of utterance ends by killing the power or the feeling so held in +durance." + +Hadria coloured. + +"That experience and its effect upon my own nature, which has lasted to +this day," added Theobald, "served to increase my interest in the +fascinating study of character in its relation to environment." + +"Ah!" exclaimed Hadria, "then _you_ don't believe in the independent +power of the human will?" + +"Certainly not. To talk of character overcoming circumstance is to talk +of an effect without a cause. Yet this phrase is a mere commonplace in +our speech. A man no more overcomes his circumstance than oxygen +overcomes nitrogen when it combines with it to form the air we breathe. +If the nitrogen is present, the combination takes place; but if there is +no nitrogen to be had, all the oxygen in the world will not produce our +blessed atmosphere!" + +Joseph Fleming caused a sort of anti-climax by mentioning simply that he +didn't know that any nitrogen was required in the atmosphere. One always +heard about the oxygen. + +Professor Theobald remarked, with a chuckle, that this was one of the +uses of polite conversation; one picked up information by the wayside. +Joseph agreed that it was wonderfully instructive, if the speakers were +intelligent. + +"That helps," said the Professor, tapping Joseph familiarly on the +shoulder. + +"When shall we have our next meeting?" enquired Lady Engleton, when the +moment came for parting. + +"The sooner the better," said Valeria. "English skies have Puritan +moods, and we may as well profit by their present jocund temper. I never +saw a bluer sky in all Italy." + +"I certainly shall not be absent from the next meeting," announced +Theobald, with a glance at Hadria. + +"Nor I," said Lady Engleton. "Such opportunities come none too often." + +"I," Hadria observed, "shall be cook-hunting." + +Professor Theobald's jaw shut with a snap, and he turned and left the +group almost rudely. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + + +Hadria thought that Professor Theobald had not spoken at random, when he +said that the sweetest tribute a woman can receive is that paid to her +personal charm. This unwilling admission was dragged out of her by the +sight of Valeria Du Prel, as the central figure of an admiring group, in +the large drawing-room at Craddock Place. + +She was looking handsome and animated, her white hair drawn proudly off +her brow, and placed as if with intention beside the silken curtains, +whose tint of misty pale green was so becoming to her beauty. + +Valeria was holding her little court, and thoroughly enjoying the +admiration. + +"If we have had to live by our looks for all these centuries, surely the +instinct that Professor Theobald thinks himself so penetrating to have +discovered in clever women, is accounted for simply enough by heredity," +Hadria said to herself, resentfully. + +Professor Theobald was bending over Miss Du Prel with an air of +devotion. Hadria wished that she would not take his compliments so +smilingly. Valeria would not be proof against his flattery. She kindled +with a child's frankness at praise. It stung Hadria to think of her +friend being carelessly classed by the Professor among women whose +weakness he understood and could play upon. He would imagine that he had +discovered the mystery of the sun, because he had observed a spot upon +it, not understanding the nature of the very spot. Granted that a little +salve to one's battered and scarified self-love was soft and grateful, +what did that prove of the woman who welcomed it, beyond a human +craving to keep the inner picture of herself as bright and fine as might +be? The man who, out of contempt or irreverence, set a bait for the +universal appetite proved himself, rather than his intended victim, of +meagre quality. Valeria complimented him generously by supposing him +sincere. + +Occasional bursts of laughter came from her court. Professor Theobald +looked furtively round, as if seeking some one, or watching the effect +of his conduct on Mrs. Temperley. + +Could he be trying to make her jealous of Valeria? + +Hadria gave a sudden little laugh while Lord Engleton--a shy, rather +taciturn man--was shewing her his wife's last picture. Hadria had to +explain the apparent discourtesy as best she could. + +The picture was of English meadows at sunset. + +"They are the meadows you see from your windows," said Lord Engleton. +"That village is Masham, with the spire shewing through the trees. I +daresay you know the view pretty well." + +"I doubt," she answered, with the instinct of extravagance that annoyed +Hubert, "I doubt if I know anything else." + +Lord Engleton brought a portfolio full of sketches for her to see. + +"Lady Engleton has been busy." + +As Hadria laid down the last sketch, her eyes wandered round the +softly-lighted, dimly beautiful room, and suddenly she was seized with a +swift, reasonless, overpowering sense of happiness that she felt to be +atmospheric and parenthetical in character, but all the more keen for +that reason, while it lasted. The second black inexorable semicircle was +ready to enclose the little moment, but its contents had the condensed +character of that which stands within limits, and reminded her, with a +little sting, as of spur to horse, of her sharp, terrible aptitude for +delight and her hunger for it. Why not, why not? What pinched, +ungenerous philosophy was it that insisted on voluntary starvation? One +saw its offspring in the troops of thin white souls that hurry, like +ghosts, down the avenues of Life. + +Again Professor Theobald's stealthy glance was directed towards Mrs. +Temperley. + +"He is as determined to analyse me as if I were a chemical compound," +she said to herself. + +"Perhaps we may as well join the group," suggested Lord Engleton. + +It opened to admit the new comers, disclosing Miss Du Prel, in a gown of +pale amber brocade, enthroned upon a straight-backed antique sofa. The +exquisiteness of the surroundings which Lady Engleton had a peculiar +gift in arranging, the mellow candle-light, the flowers and colours, +seem to have satisfied in Valeria an inborn love of splendour that often +opened hungry and unsatisfied jaws. + +She had never looked so brilliant or so handsome. + +Professor Theobald's face cleared. He explained to Mrs. Temperley that +they had been discussing the complexity of human character, and had come +to the conclusion that it was impossible to really understand even the +simplest man or woman alive. Professor Theobald said that it was a +dispensation of Providence which intended the human race for social +life. Lady Engleton upbraided the author of the cynical utterance. + +"Which of us can dare to face his own basest self?" the culprit +demanded. "If any one is so bold, I fear I must accuse him (or even her) +of lack of self-knowledge rather than give praise for spotlessness." + +"Oh, I don't believe all these dreadful things about my fellows!" cried +Miss Du Prel, flinging up her fine head defiantly; "one is likely to +find in them more or less what one expects. It's the same everywhere. If +you go seeking mole-hills and worms, and put nose to ground on the scent +for carrion, you will find them all, with the range of snow-capped Alps +in full view, and the infinite of blue above your blind head!" + +Hadria, in justice, could not refuse to acknowledge that Professor +Theobald was open-minded. + +"True," he said, "it is dangerous to seek for evil, unless you naturally +love it, and then----" + +"You are past praying for," said Professor Fortescue. + +"Or at least you never pray," added Hadria. + +Both Professors looked at her, each with an expression of enquiry. It +was difficult to understand from exactly what sources of experience or +intuition the singular remark could have sprung. + +The conversation took a slight swerve. + +Professor Theobald contended that all our fond distinctions of vice and +virtue, right and wrong, were mere praise and blame of conditions and +events. + +"We like to fancy the qualities of character inherent, while really they +are laid on by slow degrees, like paint, and we name our acquaintance by +the colour of his last coat." + +This view offended Miss Du Prel. Joseph Fleming and Lord Engleton +rallied round her. Hubert Temperley joined them. Man, the sublime, the +summit of the creation, the end and object of the long and painful +processes of nature; sin-spotted perhaps, weak and stumbling, but still +the masterpiece of the centuries--was this great and mysterious creature +to be thought of irreverently as a mere plain surface for _paint_? Only +consider it! Professor Theobald's head went down between his shoulders +as he laughed. + +"The sublime creature would not look well _un_painted, believe me." + +"He dare not appear in that plight even to himself, if Theobald be right +in what he stated just now," said Professor Fortescue. + +"Life to a character is like varnish to wood," asserted Miss Du Prel; +"it brings out the grain." + +"Ah!" cried Professor Theobald, "Then _you_ insist on varnish, I on +paint." + +"There is a difference." + +"And it affects your respective views throughout," added Professor +Fortescue, "for if the paint theory be correct, then it is true that to +know one's fellows is impossible, you can only know the upper coat; +whereas if the truth lies in varnish, the substance of the nature is +revealed to you frankly, if you have eyes to trace the delicacies of the +markings, which tell the secrets of sap and fibre, of impetus and check: +all the inner marvels of life and growth that go forward in that most +botanic thing, the human soul." + +"Professor Fortescue is eloquent, but he makes one feel distressingly +vegetable," said Temperley. + +"Oh! not unless one has a human soul," Lady Engleton reassured him. + +"Am I to understand that you would deprive me of mine?" he asked, with a +courtly bow. + +"Not at all; souls are private property, or ought to be." + +"I wish one could persuade the majority of that!" cried Professor +Fortescue. + +"Impossible," said Theobald. "The chief interest of man is the condition +of his neighbour's soul." + +"Could he not be induced to look after his own?" Hadria demanded. + +"All fun would be over," said Professor Fortescue. + +"I wish one could have an Act of Parliament, obliging every man to leave +his neighbour's soul in peace." + +"You would sap the very source of human happiness and enterprise," +Professor Fortescue asserted, fantastically. + +"I should be glad if I could think the average human being had the +energy to look after _any_ business; even other people's!" cried Lady +Engleton. + +"I believe that, as a matter of fact, the soul is a hibernating +creature," said Theobald, with a chuckle. + +"It certainly has its drowsy winters," observed Hadria. + +"Ah! but its spring awakenings!" cried Miss Du Prel. + +The chime of a clock startled them with its accusation of lingering too +long. The hostess remonstrated at the breaking up the party. Why should +they hurry away? + +"The time when we could lay claim to have 'hurried' has long since +passed, Lady Engleton," said Hubert, "we can only plead forgiveness by +blaming you for making us too happy." + +Professor Theobald went to the window. "What splendid moonlight! Lady +Engleton, don't you feel tempted to walk with your guests to the end of +the avenue?" + +The idea was eagerly adopted, and the whole party sallied forth together +into the brilliant night. Long black shadows of their forms stalked on +before them, as if, said Valeria, they were messengers from Hades come +to conduct each his victim to the abode of the shades. + +Professor Theobald shuddered. + +"I hate that dreadful chill idea of the Greeks. I have much too strong a +hold on this pleasant earth to relish the notion of that gloomy +under-world yet a while. What do you say, Mrs. Temperley?" + +She made some intentionally trite answer. + +Professor Theobald's quick eyes discovered a glow-worm, and he shouted +to the ladies to come and see the little green lantern of the spring. +The mysterious light was bright enough to irradiate the blades of grass +around it, and even to cast a wizard-like gleam on the strange face of +the Professor as he bent down close to the ground. + +"Fancy being a lamp to oneself!" cried Lady Engleton. + +"It's as much as most of us can do to be a lamp to others," commented +Hadria. + +"Some one has compared the glow-worm's light to Hero's, when she waited, +with trimmed lamp, for her Leander," said Professor Theobald. "Look +here, Mr. Fleming, if you stoop down just here, you will be able to see +the little animal." The Professor resigned his place to him. When Joseph +rose from his somewhat indifferent survey of the insect, Professor +Theobald had established himself at Mrs. Temperley's right hand, and the +rest of the party were left behind. + +"Talking of Greek ideas," said the Professor, "that wonderful people +perceived more clearly than we Christians have ever done, with all our +science, the natural forces of Nature. What we call superstitions were +really great scientific intuitions or prophecies. Of course I should not +dare to speak in this frank fashion to the good people of Craddock Dene, +but to _you_ I need not be on my guard." + +"I appreciate your confidence." + +"Ah, now, Mrs. Temperley, you are unkind. It is of no use for you to try +to persuade me that you are _of_ as well as in the village of Craddock +Dene." + +"I have never set out upon that task." + +"Again I offend!" + +Hadria, dropping the subject, enquired whether the Professor was well +acquainted with this part of the country. + +He knew it by heart. A charming country; warm, luxuriant, picturesque, +the pick of England to his mind. What could beat its woodlands, its +hills, its relics of the old world, its barns and churches and smiling +villages? + +"Then it is not only Tudor mansions that attract you?" Hadria could not +resist asking. + +Tudor mansions? There was no cottage so humble, provided it were +picturesque, that did not charm him. + +"Really!" exclaimed Hadria, with a faintly emphasized surprise. + +"Have I put my luckless foot into it again?" + +"May I not be impressed by magnanimity?" + +The Professor's mouth shut sharply. + +"Mrs. Temperley is pleased to deride me. Craddock Dene must shrivel +under destroying blasts like these." + +"Not so much as one might think." + +The sound of their steps on the broad avenue smote sharply on their +ears. Their absurd-looking shadows stretched always in front of them. "A +splendid night," Hadria observed, to break the silence. + +"Glorious!" returned her companion, as if waking from thought. + +"Spring is our best season here, the time of blossoming." + +"I am horribly tempted to take root in the lovely district, in the hope +of also blossoming. Can you imagine me a sort of patriarchal apple-tree +laden with snowy blooms?" + +"You somewhat burden my imagination." + +"I have had to work hard all my life, until an unexpected legacy from an +admirable distant relation put me at the end of a longer tether. I still +have to work, but less hard. I have always tried not to ossify, keeping +in view a possible serene time to come, when I might put forth blossoms +in this vernal fashion that tempts my middle-aged fancy. And where could +I choose a sweeter spot for these late efforts to be young and green, +than here in this perfect south of England home?" + +"It seems large," said Hadria. + +Professor Theobald grinned. "You don't appear to take a keen interest in +my blossoming." + +Why in heaven's name _should_ she? + +"I cannot naturally expect it," Professor Theobald continued, reading +her silence aright, "but I should be really obliged by your counsel on +this matter. You know the village; you know from your own experience +whether it is a place to live in always. Advise me, I beg." + +"Really, Professor Theobald, it is impossible for me to advise you in a +matter so entirely depending on your own taste and your own affairs." + +"You can at least tell me how you like the district yourself; whether it +satisfies you as to society, easy access of town, influence on the mind +and the spirits, and so forth." + +"We are considered well off as to society. There are a good many +neighbours within a radius of five miles; the trains to town are not all +that could be wished. There are only two in the day worth calling such." + +"And as to its effect upon the general aspect of life; is it rousing, +cheering, inspiring, invigorating?" + +Hadria gave a little laugh. "I must refer you to other inhabitants on +this point. I think Lady Engleton finds it fairly inspiring." + +"Lady Engleton is not Mrs. Temperley." + +"I doubt not that same speech has already done duty as a compliment to +Lady Engleton." + +"You are incorrigible!" + +"I wish you would make it when she is present," said Hadria, "and see us +both bow!" The Professor laughed delightedly. + +"I don't know what social treasures may be buried within your radius of +five miles, but the mines need not be worked. An inhabitant of the +Priory would not need them. Mrs. Temperley is a society in herself." + +"An inhabitant of the Priory might risk disappointment, in supposing +that Mrs. Temperley had nothing else to do than to supply her neighbours +with society." + +The big jaw closed, with a snap. + +"I don't think, on the whole, that I will take the Priory," he said, +after a considerable pause; "it is, as you say, large." + +Mrs. Temperley made no comment. + +"I suppose I should be an unwelcome neighbour," he said, with a sigh. + +"I fear any polite assurance, after such a challenge, would be a poor +compliment. As for entreating you to take the Priory, I really do not +feel equal to the responsibility." + +"I accept in all humility," said the Professor, as he opened the gate of +the Red House, "a deserved reproof." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + + +"A singular character!" said Professor Theobald. + +"There is a lot of good in her," Lady Engleton asserted. + +Lord Engleton observed that people were always speaking ill of Mrs. +Temperley, but he never could see that she was worse than her +neighbours. She was cleverer; that might be her offence. + +Madame Bertaux observed in her short, decisive way that Craddock Dene +might have settled down with Mrs. Temperley peaceably enough, if it +hadn't been for her action about the schoolmistress's child. + +"Yes; that has offended everybody," said Lady Engleton. + +"What action was that?" asked Theobald, turning slowly towards his +hostess. + +"Oh, haven't you heard? That really speaks well for this house. You +can't accuse us of gossip." + +Lady Engleton related the incident. "By the way, you must remember that +poor woman, Professor. Don't you know you were here at the school-feast +that we gave one summer in the park, when all the children came and had +tea and games, and you helped us so amiably to look after them?" + +The Professor remembered the occasion perfectly. + +"And don't you recollect a very pretty, rather timid, fair-haired woman +who brought the children? We all used to admire her. She was a +particularly graceful, refined-looking creature. She had read a great +deal and was quite cultivated. I often used to think she must feel very +solitary at Craddock, with not a soul to sympathize with her tastes. +Mr. and Mrs. Walker used to preach to her, poor soul, reproving her love +of reading, which took her thoughts away from her duties and her +sphere." + +Madame Bertaux snorted significantly. Lady Engleton had remarked a +strange, sad look in Ellen Jervis's eyes, and owned to having done her +best to circumvent the respected pastor and his wife, by lending her +books occasionally, and encouraging her to think her own thoughts, and +get what happiness she could out of her communings with larger spirits +than she was likely to find in Craddock. Of course Mrs. Walker now gave +Lady Engleton to understand that she was partly responsible for the poor +woman's misfortune. She attributed it to Ellen's having had "all sorts +of ideas in her head!" + +"I admit that if _not_ having all sorts of ideas in one's head is a +safeguard, the unimpeachable virtue of a district is amply accounted +for." + +Professor Theobald chuckled. He enquired if Lady Engleton knew Mrs. +Temperley's motive in adopting the child. + +"Oh, partly real kindness; but I think, between ourselves, that Mrs. +Temperley likes to be a little eccentric. Most people have the instinct +to go with the crowd. Hadria Temperley has the opposite fault. She loves +to run counter to it, even when it is pursuing a harmless course." + +Some weeks had now passed since the arrival of the two Professors. The +meetings in the Priory garden had been frequent. They had affected for +the better Professor Theobald's manner. Valeria's laws had curbed the +worst side of him, or prevented it from shewing itself so freely. He +felt the atmosphere of the little society, and acknowledged that it was +"taming the savage beast." As for his intellect it took to blazing, as +if, he said, without false modesty, a torch had been placed in pure +oxygen. + +"My brain takes fire here and flames. I should make a very creditable +beacon if the burning of brains and the burning of faggots were only of +equal value." + +The little feud between him and Mrs. Temperley had been patched up. She +felt that she had been rude to him, on one occasion at any rate, and +desired to make amends. He had become more cautious in his conduct +towards her. + +During this period of the Renaissance, as Hadria afterwards called the +short-lived epoch, little Martha was visited frequently. Her protectress +had expected to have to do battle with hereditary weakness on account of +her mother's sufferings, but the child shewed no signs of this. Either +the common belief that mental trouble in the mother is reflected in the +child, was unfounded, or the evil could be overcome by the simple +beneficence of pure air, good food, and warm clothing. + +Hadria had begun to feel a more personal interest in her charge. She had +taken it under her care of her own choice, without the pressure of any +social law or sentiment, and in these circumstances of freedom, its +helplessness appealed to her protective instincts. She felt the +relationship to be a true one, in contradistinction to the more usual +form of protectorate of woman to child. + +"There is nothing in it that gives offence to one's dignity as a human +being," she asserted, "which is more than can be said of the ordinary +relation, especially if it be legal." + +She was issuing from little Martha's cottage on one splendid morning, +when she saw Professor Theobald coming up the road from Craddock Dene. +He caught sight of Hadria, hesitated, coloured, glanced furtively up the +road, and then, seeing he was observed, came forward, raising his cap. + +"You can't imagine what a charming picture you make; the English cottage +creeper-covered and smiling; the nurse and child at the threshold +equally smiling, yourself a very emblem of spring in your fresh gown, +and a domestic tabby to complete the scene." + +"I wish I could come and see it," said Hadria. She was waving a twig of +lavender, and little Martha was making grabs at it, and laughing her +gurgling laugh of babyish glee. Professor Theobald stood in the road +facing up hill towards Craddock, whose church tower was visible from +here, just peeping through the spring foliage of the vicarage garden. He +only now and again looked round at the picture that he professed to +admire. + +"Do you want to see a really pretty child, Professor Theobald? Because +if so, come here." + +He hesitated, and a wave of dark colour flooded his face up to the roots +of his close-clipped hair. + +He paused a moment, and then bent down to open the little gate. His +stalwart figure, in the diminutive enclosure, reduced it to the +appearance of a doll's garden. + +"Step carefully or you will crush the young _ménage_," Hadria advised. +The rosy-cheeked nurse looked with proud expectancy at the face of the +strange gentleman, to note the admiration that he could not but feel. + +His lips were set. + +The Professor evidently knew his duty and proceeded to admire with due +energy. Little Martha shrank away a little from the bearded face, and +her lower lip worked threateningly, but the perilous moment was staved +over by means of the Professor's watch, hastily claimed by Hannah, who +dispensed with ceremony in the emergency. + +Martha's eyes opened wide, and the little hands came out to grasp the +treasure. Hadria stood and laughed at the sight of the gigantic +Professor, helplessly tethered by his own chain to the imperious baby, +in whose fingers the watch was tightly clasped. The child was in high +delight at the loquacious new toy--so superior to foolish fluffy rabbits +that could not tick to save their skins. Martha had no notion of +relinquishing her hold, so they need not tug in that feeble way; if they +pulled too hard, she would yell! + +She evidently meant business, said her captive. So long as they left her +the watch, they might do as they pleased; she was perfectly indifferent +to the accidental human accompaniments of the new treasure, but on that +one point she was firm. She proceeded to stuff the watch into her mouth +as far as it would go. The Professor was dismayed. + +"It's all right," Hadria reassured him. "You have hold of the chain." + +"Did you entice me into this truly ridiculous position in order to laugh +at me?" enquired the prisoner. + +"I would not laugh at you for the world." + +"Really this young person has the most astonishing grip! How long does +her fancy generally remain faithful to a new toy?" + +"Well--I hope you are not pressed for time," said Hadria maliciously. + +The Professor groaned, and struggled in the toils. + +"Come, little one, open the fingers. Oh no, no, we mustn't cry." Martha +kept her features ready for that purpose at a moment's notice, should +any nonsense be attempted. + +The victim looked round miserably. + +"Is there nothing that will set me free from these tender moorings?" + +Hadria shook her head and laughed. "You are chained by the most +inflexible of all chains," she said: "your own compunction." + +"Oh, you little tyrant!" exclaimed the Professor, shaking his fist in +the baby's face, at which she laughed a taunting and triumphant laugh. +Then, once more, the object of dispute went into her mouth. Martha +gurgled with joy. + +"What _am_ I to do?" cried her victim helplessly. + +"Nothing. She has you securely because you fear to hurt her." + +"Little imp! Come now, let me go please. Oh, _please_, Miss Baby--your +Majesty: will nothing soften you? She is beginning early to take +advantage of the chivalry of the stronger sex, and I doubt not she will +know how to pursue her opportunity later on." + +"Oh! is _that_ your parable? Into my head came quite a different +one--_à propos_ of what we were talking of yesterday in Griffin-land." + +"Ah, the eternal feminine!" cried the Professor. "Yes, you were very +brilliant, Mrs. Temperley." + +"You now stand for an excellent type of woman, Professor: strong, but +chained." + +"Oh, thank you! (Infant, I implore!)" + +"The baby ably impersonates Society with all its sentiments and laws, +written and unwritten." + +"Ah!--and my impounded property?" + +"Woman's life and freedom." + +"Ingenious! And the chain? (Oh, inexorable babe, have mercy on the +sufferings of imprisoned vigour!)" + +"Her affections, her pity, her compunction, which forbid her to wrench +away her rightful property, because ignorant and tender hands are +grasping it. The analogy is a little mixed, but no matter." + +"I should enjoy the intellectual treat that is spread before me better, +in happier circumstances, Mrs. Temperley." + +"Apply your remark to your prototype--intelligently," she added. + +"My intelligence is rapidly waning; I am benumbed. I fail to follow the +intricacies of analogy, in this constrained position." + +"Ah, so does she!" + +"Oh, pitiless cherub, my muscles ache with this monotony." + +"And hers," said Hadria. + +"Come, come, life is passing; I have but one; relax these fetters, or I +die." + +Martha frowned and fretted. She even looked shocked, according to +Hadria, who stood by laughing. The baby, she pointed out, failed to +understand how her captive could so far forget himself as to desire to +regain his liberty. + +"She reminds you, sternly, that this is your proper sphere." + +"Perdition!" he exclaimed. + +"As a general rule," she assented. + +The Professor laughed, and said he was tired of being a Type. + +At length a little gentle force had to be used, in spite of furious +resentment on the part of the baby. A more injured and ill-treated +mortal could not have been imagined. She set up a heaven-piercing wail, +evidently overcome with indignation and surprise at the cruel treatment +that she had received. What horrid selfishness to take oneself and one's +property away, when an engaging innocent enjoys grasping it and stuffing +it into its mouth! + +"Don't you feel a guilty monster?" Hadria enquired, as the lament of the +offended infant followed them up the road. + +"I feel as if I were slinking off after a murder!" he exclaimed +ruefully. "I wonder if we oughtn't to go back and try again to soothe +the child." He paused irresolutely. + +Hadria laughed. "You _do_ make a lovely allegory!" she exclaimed. "This +sense of guilt, this disposition to go back--this attitude of +apology--it is speaking, inimitable!" + +"But meanwhile that wretched child is shrieking itself into a fit!" +cried the allegory, with the air of a repentant criminal. + +"Whenever you open your mouth, out falls a symbol," exclaimed Hadria. +"Be calm; Hannah will soon comfort her, and it is truer kindness not to +remind her again of her grievance, poor little soul. But we will go back +if you like (you are indeed a true woman!), and you can say you are +sorry you made so free with your own possessions, and you wish you had +done your duty better, and are eager to return and let Her Majesty hold +you captive. Your prototype always does, you know, and she is nearly +always pardoned, on condition that she never does anything of that kind +again." + +Professor Theobald seemed too much concerned about the child, who was +still wailing, to pay much attention to any other topic. He turned to +retrace his steps. + +"I think you make a mistake," said Hadria. "As soon as she sees you she +will want the watch, and then you will be placed between the awful +alternatives of voluntarily surrendering your freedom, and heartlessly +refusing to present yourself to her as a big plaything. In one respect +you have not yet achieved a thorough fidelity to your model; you don't +seem to enjoy sacrifice for its own sake. That will come with practice." + +"I wish that child would leave off crying." + +Hadria stopped in the road to laugh at the perturbed Professor. + +"She will presently. That is only a cry of anger, not of distress. I +would not leave her, if it were. Yes; your vocation is clearly +allegorical. Feminine to your finger-tips, in this truly feminine +predicament. We are all--_nous autres femmes_--like the hero of the +_White Ship_, who is described by some delightful boy in an examination +paper as being 'melted by the shrieks of a near relation.'" + +The Professor stumbled over a stone in the road, and looked back at it +vindictively. + +"The near relation does so want to hold one's watch and to stuff it into +his mouth, and he shrieks so movingly if one brutally removes one's +property and person!" + +"Alas! I am still a little bewildered by my late captivity. I can't see +the bearings of things." + +"As allegory, you are as perfect as ever." + +"I seem to be a sort of involuntary _Pilgrim's Progress_!" he exclaimed. + +"Ah, indeed!" cried Hadria, "and how the symbolism of that old allegory +would fit this subject!" + +"With me for wretched hero, I suppose!" + +"Your archetype;--with a little adaptation--yes, and wonderfully +little--the Slough of Despond, Doubting Castle, the Valley of the Shadow +of Death--they all fall into place. Ah! the modern _Pilgrim's Progress_ +would read strangely and significantly with woman as the pilgrim! But +the end--that would be a difficulty." + +"One for your sex to solve," said the Professor. + +When they arrived at the cottage the wails were dying away, and Hadria +advised that they should leave well alone. So the baby's victim somewhat +reluctantly retired. + +"After all, you see, if one has strength of purpose, one _can_ achieve +freedom," he observed. + +"At the expense of the affections, it would seem," said Hadria. + +The walk was pursued towards Craddock. Hadria said she had to ask Dodge, +the old gravedigger, if he could give a few days' work in the garden at +the Red House. + +The Professor was walking for walking's sake. + +"She is a pretty child, isn't she?" said Hadria. + +"Very; an attractive mite; but she has a will of her own." + +"Yes; I confess I have a moment of exultation when that child sets up +one of her passionate screams--the thrilling shriek of a near relation!" + +"Really, why?" + +"She has to make her way in the world. She must not be too meek. Her +mother was a victim to the general selfishness and stupidity. She was +too gentle and obedient; too apt to defer to others, to be able to +protect herself. I want her child to be strengthened for the battle by a +good long draught of happiness, and to be armed with that stoutest of +all weapons--perfect health." + +"You are very wise, Mrs. Temperley," murmured the Professor. + +"_Mon Dieu!_ if one had always to judge for others and never for +oneself, what Solons we should all be!" + +"I hear that you have taken the child under your protection. She may +think herself fortunate. It is an act of real charity." + +Hadria winced. "I fear not. I have grown very much attached to Martha +now, poor little soul; but when I decided to adopt her, I was in a state +of red-hot fury." + +"Against whom, may I ask?" + +"Against the child's father," Hadria replied shortly. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + + +"Yes, mum, I see un go up to the churchyard. He's tidyin' up the place a +bit for the weddin'." + +"The wedding?" repeated Hadria vaguely. Mrs. Gullick looked at her as at +one whose claims to complete possession of the faculties there seems sad +reason to doubt. + +"Oh, Miss Jordan's, yes. When is it?" + +"Why, it's this mornin', ma'am!" cried Mrs. Gullick. + +"Dear me, of course. I _thought_ the village looked rather excited." + +People were all standing at their doors, and the children had gathered +at the gate of the church, with hands full of flowers. The wedding party +was, it appeared, to arrive almost immediately. The children set up a +shout as the first carriage was heard coming up the hill. + +The bride appeared to be a popular character in Craddock. "Dear, dear, +she will be missed, she will, she was a real lady, she was; did her duty +too to rich _and_ poor." + +The Professor asked his companion if she remarked that the amiable lady +was spoken of universally in the past tense, as some one who had passed +from the light of day. + +Hadria laughed. "Whenever I am in a cynical mood I come to Craddock and +talk to the villagers." + +Dodge was found resting on a broom-handle, with a flower in his +button-hole. Marion Jordan had supplied him with port wine when he was +"took bad" in the winter. Dodge found it of excellent quality. He +approved of the institution of landed property, and had a genuine regard +for the fair-haired, sweet-voiced girl who used to come in her pony-cart +to distribute her bounty to the villagers. Her class in the +Sunday-school, as he remarked, was always the best behaved. + +The new schoolmistress, a sour and uncompromising looking person, had +issued from her cottage in her Sunday best to see the ceremony. + +"That's where little Martha's mother used to live," said Hadria, "and +that is where she died." + +"Indeed, yes. I think Mr. Walker pointed it out to me." + +"Ah! of course, and then you know the village of old." + +"'Ere they comes!" announced a chorus of children's voices, as the first +carriage drove up. The excitement was breathless. The occupants alighted +and made their way to the church. After that, the carriages came in +fairly quick succession. The bridegroom was criticised freely by the +crowd. They did not think him worthy of his bride. "They du say as it +was a made up thing," Dodge observed, "and that it wasn't _'im_ as she'd +like to go up to the altar with." + +"Well, _I_ don't sort o' take to 'im neither," Mrs. Gullick observed, +sympathizing with the bride's feeling. "I do hope he'll be kind to the +pore young thing; that I do." + +"She wouldn't never give it 'im back; she's that good," another woman +remarked. + +"Who's the gentleman as she had set her heart on?" a romantic young +woman enquired. + +"Oh, it's only wot they say," said Dodge judicially; "it's no use a +listening to all one hears--not by a long way." + +"You 'ad it from Lord Engleton's coachman, didn't you?" prompted Mrs. +Gullick. + +"Which he heard it said by the gardener at Mr. Jordan's, as Miss Marion +was always about with Mr. Fleming." + +The murmur of interest at this announcement was drowned by the sound of +carriage wheels. The bride had come. + +"See the ideal and ethereal being whom you have been so faithfully +impersonating all the afternoon!" exclaimed Hadria. + +A fair, faint, admirably gentle creature, floating in a mist of tulle, +was wafted out of the brougham, the spring sunshine burnishing the pale +hair, and flashing a dazzling sword-like glance on the string of +diamonds at her throat. + +It seemed too emphatic, too keen a greeting for the faint ambiguous +being, about to put the teaching of her girlhood, and her pretty hopes +and faiths, to the test. + +She gave a start and shiver as she stepped out into the brilliant day, +turning with a half-scared look to the crowd of faces. It seemed almost +as if she were seeking help in a blind, bewildered fashion. + +Hadria had an impulse. "What would she think if I were to run down those +steps and drag her away?" Professor Theobald shook his head. + +Within the church, the procession moved up the aisle, to the sound of +the organ. Hadria compared the whole ceremony to some savage rite of +sacrifice: priest and people with the victim, chosen for her fairness, +decked as is meet for victims. + +"But she may be happy," Lady Engleton suggested when the ceremony was +over, and the organ was pealing out the wedding march. + +"That does not prevent the analogy. What a magnificent hideous thing the +marriage-service is! and how exactly it expresses the extraordinary +mixture of the noble and the brutal that is characteristic of our +notions about these things!" + +"The bride is certainly allowed to remain under no misapprehension as to +her function," Lady Engleton admitted, with a laugh that grated on +Hadria. Professor Theobald had fallen behind with Joseph Fleming, who +had turned up among the crowd. + +"But, after all, why mince matters?" + +"Why indeed?" said Hadria. Lady Engleton seemed to have expected +dissent. + +"I think," she said, "that we are getting too squeamish nowadays as to +speech. Women are so frightened to call a spade a spade." + +"It is the _spade_ that is ugly, not the name." + +"But, my dear?" + +"Oh, it is not a question of squeamishness, it is the insult of the +thing. One insult after another, and everyone stands round, looking +respectable." + +Lady Engleton laughed and said something to lead her companion on. + +She liked to listen to Mrs. Temperley when she was thoroughly roused. + +"It is the hideous mixture of the delicately civilized with the brutally +savage that makes one sick. A frankly barbarous ceremony, where there +was no pretence of refinement and propriety and so forth, would be +infinitely less revolting." + +"Which your language is plain," observed Lady Engleton, much amused. + +"I hope so. Didn't you see how it all hurt that poor girl? One of her +training too--suspended in mid air--not an earthward glance. You know +Mrs. Jordan's views on the education of girls. Poor girls. They are +morally skinned, in such a way as to make contact with Fact a veritable +torture, and then suddenly they are sent forth defenceless into Life to +be literally curry-combed." + +"They adjust themselves," said Lady Engleton. + +"Adjust themselves!" Hadria vindictively flicked off the head of a +dandelion with her parasol. "They awake to find they have been living in +a Fool's Paradise--a little upholstered corner with stained glass +windows and rose-coloured light. They find that suddenly they are +expected to place in the centre of their life everything that up to that +moment they have scarcely been allowed even to know about; they find +that they must obediently veer round, with the amiable adaptability of a +well-oiled weather-cock. Every instinct, every prejudice must be thrown +over. All the effects of their training must be instantly overcome. And +all this with perfect subjection and cheerfulness, on pain of moral +avalanches and deluges, and heaven knows what convulsions of +conventional nature!" + +"There certainly is some curious incongruity in our training," Lady +Engleton admitted. + +"Incongruity! Think what it means for a girl to have been taught to +connect the idea of something low and evil with that which nevertheless +is to lie at the foundation of all her after life. That is what it +amounts to, and people complain that women are not logical." + +Lady Engleton laughed. "Fortunately things work better in practice than +might be expected, judging them in the abstract. How bashful Professor +Theobald seems suddenly to have become! Why doesn't he join us, I +wonder? However, so much the better; I do like to hear you talk heresy." + +"I do more than talk it, I _mean_ it," said Hadria. "I fail utterly to +get at the popular point of view." + +"But you misrepresent it--there _are_ modifying facts in the case." + +"I don't see them. Girls are told: 'So and so is not a nice thing for +you to talk about. Wait, however, until the proper signal is given, and +then woe betide you if you don't cheerfully accept it as your bounden +duty.' If _that_ does not enjoin abject slavishness and deliberate +immorality of the most cold-blooded kind, I simply don't know what +does." + +Lady Engleton seemed to ponder somewhat seriously, as she stood looking +down at the grave beside her. + +"How we ever came to have tied ourselves into such an extraordinary +mental knot is what bewilders me," Hadria continued, "and still more, +why it is that we all, by common consent, go on acting and talking as if +the tangled skein ran smooth and straight through one's fingers." + +"Chiefly, perhaps, because women won't speak out," suggested Lady +Engleton. + +"They have been so drilled," cried Hadria, "so gagged, so deafened, by +'the shrieks of near relations.'" + +Lady Engleton was asking for an explanation, when the wedding-bells +began to clang out from the belfry, merry and roughly rejoicing. +"Tom-boy bells," Hadria called them. They seemed to tumble over one +another and pick themselves up again, and give chase, and roll over in a +heap, and then peal firmly out once more, laughing at their romping +digression, joyous and thoughtless and simple-hearted. "Evidently +without the least notion what they are celebrating," said Hadria. + +The bride came out of church on her husband's arm. The children set up a +shout. Hadria and Lady Engleton, and, farther back, Professor Theobald +and Joseph Fleming, could see the two figures pass down to the carriage +and hear the carriage drive away. Hadria drew a long breath. + +"I am afraid she was in love with Joseph Fleming," remarked Lady +Engleton. "I hoped at one time that he cared for her, but that Irish +friend of Marion's, Katie O'Halloran, came on the scene and spoilt my +little romance." + +"I wonder why she married this man? I wonder why the wind blows?" was +added in self-derision at the question. + +The rest of the party were now departing. "O sleek wedding guests," +Hadria apostrophized them, "how solemnly they sat there, like +all-knowing sphinxes, watching, watching, and that child so +helpless--handcuffed, manacled! How many prayers will be offered at the +shrine of the goddess of Duty within the next twelve months!" + +Mrs. Jordan, a British matron of solid proportions, passed down the path +on the arm of a comparatively puny cavalier. The sight seemed to stir up +some demon in Hadria's bosom. Fantastic, derisive were her comments on +that excellent lady's most cherished principles, and on her well-known +and much-vaunted mode of training her large family of daughters. + +"Only the traditional ideas carried out by a woman of narrow mind and +strong will," said Lady Engleton. + +"Oh those traditional ideas! They might have issued fresh and hot from +an asylum for criminal lunatics." + +"You are deliciously absurd, Hadria." + +"It is the criminal lunatics who are absurd," she retorted. "Do you +remember how those poor girls used to bewail the restrictions to their +reading?" + +"Yes, it was really a _reductio ad absurdum_ of our system. The girls +seemed afraid to face anything. They would rather die than think. (I +wonder why Professor Theobald lingers so up there by the chancel? The +time must be getting on.)" + +Hadria glanced towards him and made no comment. She was thinking of Mrs. +Jordan's daughters. + +"What became of their personality all that time I cannot imagine: their +woman's nature that one hears so much about, and from which such +prodigious feats were to be looked for, in the future." + +"Yes, _that_ is where the inconsistency of a girl's education strikes me +most," said Lady Engleton. "If she were intended for the cloister one +could understand it. But since she is brought up for the express purpose +of being married, it does seem a little absurd not to prepare her a +little more for her future life." + +"Exactly," cried Hadria, "if the orthodox are really sincere in +declaring that life to be so sacred and desirable, why on earth don't +they treat it frankly and reverently and teach their girls to understand +and respect it, instead of allowing a furtive, sneaky, detestable spirit +to hover over it?" + +"Yes, I agree with you there," said Lady Engleton. + +"And if they _don't_ really in their hearts think it sacred and so on +(and how they _can_, under our present conditions, I fail to see), why +do they deliberately bring up their girls to be married, as they bring +up their sons to a profession? It is inconceivable, and yet good people +do it, without a suspicion of the real nature of their conduct, which it +wouldn't be polite to describe." + +Mrs. Jordan--her face irradiated with satisfaction--was acknowledging +the plaudits of the villagers, who shouted more or less in proportion +to the eye-filling properties of the departing guests. + +Hadria was seized with a fit of laughter. It was an awkward fact, that +she never could see Mrs. Jordan's majestic form and noble bonnet without +feeling the same overwhelming impulse to laugh. + +"This is disgraceful conduct!" cried Lady Engleton. + +Hadria was clearly in one of her most reckless moods to-day. + +"You have led me on, and must take the consequences!" she cried. +"Imagine," she continued with diabolical deliberation, "if Marion, on +any day _previous_ to this, had gone to her mother and expressed an +overpowering maternal instinct--a deep desire to have a child!" + +"Good heavens!" exclaimed Lady Engleton. + +"Why so shocked, since it is so holy?" + +"But that is different." + +"Ah! then it is holy only when the social edict goes forth, and +proclaims the previous evil good and the previous good evil." + +"Come, come; the inconsistency is not quite so bad as that. (How that +man does dawdle!)" + +Hadria shrugged her shoulders. "It seems to me so; for now suppose, on +the other hand, that this same Marion, on any day _subsequent_ to this, +should go to that same mother, and announce an exactly opposite +feeling--a profound objection to the maternal function--how would she be +received? Heavens, with what pained looks, with what platitudes and +proverbs, with what reproofs and axioms and sentiments! She would issue +forth from that interview like another St. Sebastian, stuck all over +with wounds and arrows. 'Sacred mission,' 'tenderest joy,' 'holiest +mission,' 'highest vocation'--one knows the mellifluous phrases." + +"But after all she would be wrong in her objection. The instinct is a +true one," said Lady Engleton. + +"Oh, then why should she be pelted for expressing it previously, if the +question is not indiscreet?" + +"Well, it would seem rather gruesome, if girls were to be overpowered +with that passion." + +"So we are all to be horribly shocked at the presence of an instinct +to-day, and then equally shocked and indignant at its absence to-morrow; +our sentiment being determined by the performance or otherwise of the +ceremony we have just witnessed. It really shows a touching confidence +in the swift adaptability of the woman's sentimental organization!" + +Lady Engleton gave an uneasy laugh, and seemed lost in uncomfortable +thought. She enjoyed playing with unorthodox speculations, but she +objected to have her customary feelings interfered with, by a reasoning +which she did not see her way to reduce to a condition of uncertainty. +She liked to leave a question delicately balanced, enjoying all the fun +of "advanced" thought without endangering her favourite sentiments. Like +many women of talent, she was intensely maternal, in the instinctive +sense; and for that reason had a vague desire to insist on all other +women being equally so; but the notion of the instinct becoming +importunate in a girl revolted her; a state of mind that struggled to +justify itself without conscious entrenchment behind mere tradition. +Lady Engleton sincerely tried to shake off prejudice. + +"You are in a mixed condition of feeling, I see," Hadria said. "I am not +surprised. Our whole scheme of things indeed is so mixed, that the +wonder only is we are not all in a state of chronic lunacy. I believe, +as a matter of fact, that we _are_; but as we are all lunatics together, +there is no one left to put us into asylums." + +Lady Engleton laughed. + +"The present age is truly a strange one," she exclaimed. + +"Do you think so? It always seems to me that the present age is finding +out for the first time how very strange all the _other_ ages have been." + +"However that may be, it seems to me, that a sort of shiver is going +through all Society, as if it had suddenly become very much aware of +things and couldn't make them out--nor itself." + +"Like a creature beginning to struggle through a bad illness. I do think +it is all extremely remarkable, especially the bad illness." + +"You are as strange as your epoch," cried Lady Engleton. + +"It is a sorry sign when one remarks health instead of disease." + +"Upon my word, you have a wholesome confidence in yourself!" + +"I do not, in that respect, differ from my kind," Hadria returned +calmly. + +"It is that which _was_ that seems to you astonishing, not that which is +to be," Lady Engleton commented, pensively. "For my part I confess I am +frightened, almost terrified at times, at that which is to be." + +"I am frightened, terrified, so that the thought becomes unbearable, at +that which _is_," said Hadria. + +There was a long silence. Lady Engleton appeared to be again plunged in +thought. + +"The maternal instinct--yes; it seems to be round that unacknowledged +centre that the whole storm is raging." + +"A desperate question that Society shrinks from in terror: whether women +shall be expected to conduct themselves as if the instinct had been +weighed out accurately, like weekly stores, and given to all alike, or +whether choice and individual feeling is to be held lawful in this +matter--_there_ is the red-hot heart of the battle." + +"Remember men of science are against freedom in this respect. (I do wish +_our_ man of science would make haste.)" + +"They rush to the rescue when they see the sentimental defences giving +way," said Hadria. "If the 'sacred privilege' and 'noblest vocation' +safeguards won't hold, science must throw up entrenchments." + +"I prefer the more romantic and sentimental presentment of the matter," +said Lady Engleton. + +"Naturally. Ah! it is pathetic, the way we have tried to make things +decorative; but it won't hold out much longer. Women are driving their +masters to plain speaking--the ornaments are being dragged down. And +what do we find? Bare and very ugly fact. And if we venture to hint that +this unsatisfactory skeleton may be modified in form, science becomes +stern. She wishes things, in this department, left as they are. Women +are made for purposes of reproduction; let them clearly understand that. +No picking and choosing." + +"Men pick and choose, it is true," observed Lady Engleton in a musing +tone, as if thinking aloud. + +"Ah, but that's different--a real scientific argument, though a +superficial observer might not credit it. At any rate, it is quite +sufficiently scientific for this particular subject. Our leaders of +thought don't bring out their Sunday-best logic on this question. They +lounge in dressing-gown and slippers. One gets to know the oriental +pattern of that dressing-gown and the worn-down heels of those old +slippers." + +"They may be right though, notwithstanding their logic," said Lady +Engleton. + +"By good luck, not good guidance. I wonder what her Serene Highness +Science would say if she heard us?" + +"That we two ignorant creatures are very presumptuous." + +"Yes, people always fall back on that, when they can't refute you." + +Lady Engleton smiled. + +"I should like to hear the question discussed by really competent +persons. (Well, if luncheon is dead cold it will be his own fault.)" + +"Oh, really competent persons will tell us all about the possibilities +of woman: her feelings, desires, capabilities, and limitations, now and +for all time to come. And the wildly funny thing is that women are +ready, with open mouths, to reverently swallow this male verdict on +their inherent nature, as if it were gospel divinely inspired. I may +appear a little inconsistent," Hadria added with a laugh, "but I do +think women are fools!" + +They had strolled on along the path till they came to the +schoolmistress's grave, which was green and daisy-covered, as if many +years had passed since her burial. Hadria stood, for a moment, looking +down at it. + +"Fools, fools, unutterable, irredeemable fools!" she burst out. + +"My dear, my dear, we are in a churchyard," remonstrated Lady Engleton, +half laughing. + +"We are at this grave," said Hadria. + +"The poor woman would have been among the first to approve of the whole +scheme, though it places her here beneath the daisies." + +"Exactly. Am I not justified then in crying 'fool'? Don't imagine that I +exclude myself," she added. + +"I think you might be less liable to error if you _were_ rather more of +a fool, if I may say so," observed Lady Engleton. + +"Oh error! I daresay. One can guard against that, after a fashion, by +never making a stretch after truth. And the reward comes, of its kind. +How green the grave is. The grass grows so fast on graves." + +Lady Engleton could not bear a churchyard. It made one think too +seriously. + +"Oh, you needn't unless you like!" said Hadria with a laugh. "Indeed a +churchyard might rather teach us what nonsense it is to take things +seriously--our little affairs. This poor woman, a short while ago, was +dying of grief and shame and agony, and the village was stirred with +excitement, as if the solar system had come to grief. It all seemed so +stupendous and important, yet now--look at that tall grass waving in the +wind!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + + +Professor Theobald had been engaged, for the last ten minutes, in +instructing Joseph Fleming and a few stragglers, among whom was Dodge, +in the characteristics of ancient architecture. He was pointing out the +fine Norman window of the south transept, Joseph nodding wearily, Dodge +leaning judicially on his broom and listening with attention. Joseph, as +Lady Engleton remarked, was evidently bearing the Normans a bitter +grudge for making interesting arches. The Professor seemed to have no +notion of tempering the wind of his instruction to the shorn lambs of +his audience. + +"I _can't_ understand why he does not join us," said Lady Engleton. "It +must be nearly luncheon time. However, it doesn't much matter, as +everyone seems to be up here. I wonder," she went on after a pause, +"what the bride would think if she had heard our conversation this +morning!" + +"Probably she would recognize many a half-thought of her own," said +Hadria. + +Lady Engleton shook her head. + +"They alarm me, all these ideas. For myself, I feel bound to accept the +decision of wise and good men, who have studied social questions +deeply." + +Personal feeling had finally overcome her desire to fight off the +influence of tradition. + +"I do not feel competent to judge in a matter so complex, and must be +content to abide by the opinions of those who have knowledge and +experience." + +Lady Engleton thus retreated hastily behind cover. That was a strategic +movement always available in difficulties, and it left one's companion +in speculation alone in the open, arrogantly sustaining an eagle-gaze in +the sun's face. The advantages of feminine humility were obvious. One +could come out for a skirmish and then run for shelter, in awkward +moments. No woman ought to venture out on the bare plain without a +provision of the kind. + +Hadria had a curious sensation of being so exposed, when Lady Engleton +retreated behind her "good and wise men," and she had the usual feminine +sense of discomfort in the feeling of presumption that it produced. +Heredity asserted itself, as it will do, in the midst of the fray, just +when its victim seems to have shaken himself free from the mysterious +obsession. But Hadria did not visibly flinch. Lady Engleton received the +impression that Mrs. Temperley was too sure of her own judgment to defer +even to the wisest. + +She experienced a pleasant little glow of humility, wrapping herself in +it, as in a protecting garment, and unconsciously comparing her more +moderate and modest attitude favourably with her companion's +self-confidence. Just at that moment, Hadria's self-confidence was +gasping for breath. But her sense of the comic in her companion's +tactics survived, and set her off in an apparently inconsequent laugh, +which goaded Lady Engleton into retreating further, to an encampment of +pure orthodoxy. + +"I fear there is an element of the morbid, in all this fretful revolt +against the old-established destiny of our sex," she said. + +The advance-guard of Professor Theobald's party was coming up. The +Professor himself still hung back, playing the Ancient Mariner to Joseph +Fleming's Wedding Guest. Most unwilling was that guest, most +pertinacious that mariner. + +Hadria had turned to speak to Dodge, who had approached, broom in hand. +"Seems only yesterday as we was a diggin' o' that there grave, don't it, +mum?" he remarked pleasantly, including Hadria in the credit of the +affair, with native generosity. + +"It does indeed, Dodge. I see you have been tidying it up and +clearing away the moss from the name. I can read it now. _Ellen +Jervis.--Requiescat in pace._" + +"We was a wonderin' wot that meant, me and my missus." + +Hadria explained. + +"Oh indeed, mum. She didn't die in peace, whatever she be a doin' now, +not _she_ didn't, pore thing. I was jest a tellin' the gentleman" (Dodge +indicated Professor Theobald with a backward movement of the thumb), +"about the schoolmarm. He was talkin' like a sermon--beautiful--about +the times wen the church was built; and about them as come over from +France and beat the English--shameful thing for our soldiers, 'pears to +me, not as I believes all them tales. Mr. Walker says as learnin' is a +pitfall, wich I don't swaller everything as Mr. Walker says neither. +Seems to me as it don't do to be always believin' wot's told yer, or +there's no sayin' wot sort o' things you wouldn't come to find inside o' +yer, before you'd done." + +Hadria admitted the danger of indiscriminate absorption, but pointed out +that if caution were carried too far, one might end by finding nothing +inside of one at all, which also threatened to be attended with +inconvenience. + +Dodge seemed to feel that the _désagréments_ in this last case were +trivial as compared with those of the former. + +"Dodge is a born sceptic," said Lady Engleton. "What would you say, +Dodge, if some tiresome, reasonable person were to come and point out +something to you that you couldn't honestly deny, and yet that seemed to +upset all the ideas that you had felt were truest and best?" + +Dodge scratched his head. "I should say as what he said wasn't true," +replied Dodge. + +"But if you couldn't help seeing that it was true?" + +"That ud be arkard," Dodge admitted. + +"Then what would you do?" + +Dodge leant upon the broom-handle, apparently in profound thought. His +words were waited for. + +"I think," he announced at last, "as I shouldn't do nothin' partic'lar." + +"Dodge, you really are an oracle!" Hadria exclaimed. "What could more +simply describe the action of our Great Majority?" + +"You are positively impish in your mood to-day!" exclaimed Lady +Engleton. "What should we do without our Great Majority, as you call +it? It is absolutely necessary to put some curb on the wild impulses of +pure reason"--a sentiment that Hadria greeted with chuckles of derision. + +Joseph Fleming was looking longingly towards the grave, but his face was +resigned, for the Ancient Mariner had him button-holed securely. + +"What _are_ they lingering for so long, I wonder?" cried Lady Engleton +impatiently. "Professor Theobald is really too instructive to-day. I +will go and hurry him." + +Joseph welcomed her as his deliverer. + +"I was merely waiting for you two ladies to move; I would have come on +with Mr. Fleming. I am extremely sorry," said the Professor. + +He followed Lady Engleton down the path between the graves, with +something of the same set expression that had been on his face when he +came up the path of the cottage garden to admire the baby. + +"It appears that we were all waiting for each other," said Lady +Engleton. + +"This 'ere's the young woman's grave, sir--Ellen Jervis--'er as I was a +tellin' you of," said Dodge, pointing an earth-stained finger at the +mound. + +"Oh, yes; very nice," said the Professor vaguely. Hadria's laugh +disconcerted him. "I mean--pretty spot--well chosen--well made." + +Hadria continued to laugh. "I never heard less skilled comment on a +grave!" she exclaimed. "It might be a pagoda!" + +"It's not so easy as you seem to imagine to find distinctive epithets. I +challenge you. Begin with the pagoda." + +"One of the first canons of criticism is never to attempt the feat +yourself; jeer rather at others." + +"The children don't like the new schoolmarm near so well as this 'un," +observed Dodge, touching the grave with his broom. "Lord, it was an +unfort'nate thing, for there wasn't a better girl nor she were in all +Craddock (as I was a tellin' of you, sir), not when she fust come as +pupil teacher. It was all along of her havin' no friends, and her mother +far away. She used to say to me at times of an afternoon wen she was a +passin' through the churchyard--'Dodge,' says she, 'do you know I have +no one to care for, or to care for me, in all the world?' I used to +comfort her like, and say as there was plenty in Craddock as cared for +her, but she always shook her head, sort o' sad." + +"Poor thing!" Lady Engleton exclaimed. + +"And one mornin' a good time after, I found her a cryin' bitter, just +there by her own grave, much about where the gentleman 'as his foot at +this moment" (the Professor quickly withdrew it). "It was in the dusk o' +the evenin', and she was a settin' on the rail of old Squire Jordan's +grave, jes' where you are now, sir. We were sort o' friendly, and wen I +heard 'er a taking on so bad, I jes' went and stood alongside, and I +sez, 'Wy Ellen Jervis,' I sez, 'wot be you a cryin' for?' But she kep' +on sobbin' and wouldn't answer nothin'. So I waited, and jes' went on +with my work a bit, and then I sez again, 'Ellen Jervis, wot be you a +cryin' for?' And then she took her hands from her face and she sez, +'Because I am that miserable,' sez she, and she broke out cryin' wuss +than ever. 'Dear, dear,' I sez, 'wot is it? Can't somebody do nothin' +for you?' + +"'No; nobody in the world can help me, and nobody wants to; it would be +better if I was under there.' And she points to the ground just where +she lies now--I give you my word she did--and sure enough, before +another six months had gone by, there she lay under the sod, 'xacly on +the spot as she had pointed to. She was a sinner, there's no denyin', +but she 'ad to suffer for it more nor most." + +"Very sad," observed Professor Theobald nervously, with a glance at +Hadria, as if expecting derision. + +"It is a hard case," said Lady Engleton, "but I suppose error _has_ to +be paid for." + +"Well, I don't know 'xacly," said Dodge, "it depends." + +"On the sex," said Hadria. + +"I have known them as spent all their lives a' injurin' of others, and +no harm seemed to come to 'em. And I've seed them as wouldn't touch a +fly and always doin' their neighbours a kind turn, wot never 'ad a day's +luck." + +"Let us hope it will be made up in the next world," said Lady Engleton. +Dodge hoped it would, but there was something in the turn of his head +that seemed to denote a disposition to base his calculations on this, +rather than on the other world. He was expected home by his wife, at +this hour, so wishing the company good day, and pocketing the +Professor's gratuity with a gleam of satisfaction in his shrewd and +honest face, he trudged off with his broom down the path, and out by the +wicket-gate into the village street. + +"I never heard that part of the story before," said Lady Engleton, when +the gravedigger had left. + +It was new to everybody. "It brings her nearer, makes one realize her +suffering more painfully." + +Hadria was silent. + +Professor Theobald cast a quick, scrutinizing glance at her. + +"I can understand better now how you were induced to take the poor +child, Mrs. Temperley," Lady Engleton remarked. + +They were strolling down the path, and Professor Theobald was holding +open the gate for his companions to pass through. His hand seemed to +shake slightly. + +"I don't enjoy probing my motives on that subject," said Hadria. + +"Why? I am sure they were good." + +"I can't help hoping that that child may live to avenge her mother; to +make some man know what it is to be horribly miserable--but, oh, I +suppose it's like trying to reach the feelings of a rhinoceros!" + +"There you are much mistaken, Mrs. Temperley," said the Professor. "Men +are as sensitive, in some respects, as women." + +"So much the better." + +"Then do you think it quite just to punish one man for the sin of +another?" + +"No; but there is a deadly feud between the sexes: it is a hereditary +vendetta: the duty of vengeance is passed on from generation to +generation." + +"Oh, Mrs. Temperley!" Lady Engleton's tone was one of reproach. + +"Yes, it is vindictive, I know; one does not grow tender towards the +enemy at the grave of Ellen Jervis." + +"At least, there were _two_ sinners, not only one." + +"Only one dies of a broken heart." + +"But why attempt revenge?" + +"Oh, a primitive instinct. And anything is better than this meek +endurance, this persistent heaping of penalties on the scapegoat." + +"No good ever came of mere revenge, however," said Professor Theobald. + +"Sometimes that is the only form of remonstrance that is listened to," +said Hadria. "When people have the law in their own hands and Society at +their back, they can afford to be deaf to mere verbal protest." + +"As for the child," said Lady Engleton, "she will be in no little danger +of a fate like her mother's." + +Hadria's face darkened. + +"At least then, she shall have some free and happy hours first; at least +she shall not be driven to it by the misery of moral starvation, +starvation of the affections. She shall be protected from the solemn +fools--with sawdust for brains and a mechanical squeaker for heart--who, +on principle, cut off from her mother all joy and all savour in life, +and then punished her for falling a victim to the starved emotional +condition to which they had reduced her." + +"The matter seems complex," said Lady Engleton, "and I don't see how +revenge comes in." + +"It is a passion that has never been eradicated. Oh, if I could but find +that man!" + +"A man is a hard thing to punish,--unless he is in love with one." + +"Well, let him be in love!" cried Hadria fiercely. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + + +The sound of music stole over the gardens of the Priory, at sunset. It +was the close of one of the most exquisite days of Spring. A calm had +settled over the country with the passing away of the sun-god. His +attendant winds and voices had been sacrificed on his funeral pyre. + +Two figures sat on the terrace by the open window of the drawing-room, +listening to the utterance, in music, of a tumultuous, insurgent spirit. +In Professor Fortescue, the musical passion was deeply rooted, as it is +in most profoundly sympathetic and tender natures. Algitha anxiously +watched the effect of her sister's playing on her companion. + +The wild power of the composer was not merely obvious, it was +overwhelming. It was like "a sudden storm among mountains," "the +wind-swept heavens at midnight," "the lonely sea": he struggled for the +exactly-fitting simile. There was none, because of its many-sidedness. +Loneliness remained as an ever-abiding quality. There were moon-glimpses +and sun-bursts over the scenery of the music; there was sweetness, and a +vernal touch that thrilled the listeners as with the breath of flowers +and the fragrance of earth after rain, but always, behind all fancy and +grace and tenderness, and even passion, lurked that spectral loneliness. +The performer would cease for some minutes, and presently begin again in +a new mood. The music was always characteristic, often wild and strange, +yet essentially sane. + +"There is a strong Celtic element in it," said the Professor. "This is a +very wonderful gift. I suppose one never does really know one's fellows: +her music to-night reveals to me new sides of Hadria's character." + +"I confess they alarm me," said Algitha. + +"Truly, this is not the sort of power that can be safely shut up and +stifled. It is the sort of power for which everything ought to be set +aside. That is my impression of it." + +"I am worried about Hadria," Algitha said. "I know her better than most +people, and I know how hard she takes things and what explosive force +that musical instinct of hers has. Yet, it is impossible, as things are, +for her to give it real utterance. She can only open the furnace door +now and then." + +The Professor shook his head gravely. "It won't do: it isn't safe. And +why should such a gift be lost?" + +"That's what I say! Yet what is to be done? There is no one really to +blame. As for Hubert, I am sorry for him. He had not the faintest idea +of Hadria's character, though she did her best to enlighten him. It is +hard for him (since he feels it so) and it is desperate for her. You are +such an old friend, that I feel I may speak to you about it. You see +what is going on, and I know it is troubling you as it does me." + +"It is indeed. If I am not very greatly mistaken, here is real musical +genius of the first order, going to waste: strong forces being turned in +upon the nature, to its own destruction; and, as you say, it seems as if +nothing could be done. It is the more ironically cruel, since Hubert is +himself musical." + +"Oh, yes, but in quite a different way. His fetish is good taste, or +what he thinks such. Hadria's compositions set his teeth on edge. His +nature is conventional through and through. He fears adverse comment +more than any earthly thing. And yet the individual opinions that +compose the general 'talk' that he so dreads, are nothing to him. He +despises them heartily. But he would give his soul (and particularly +Hadria's) rather than incur a whisper from people collectively." + +"That is a very common trait. If we feared only the opinions that we +respect, our fear would cover but a small area." + +The music stole out again through the window. The thoughts of the +listeners were busy. It was not until quite lately that Professor +Fortescue had fully realised the nature of Hadria's present +surroundings. It had taken all his acuteness and his sympathy to enable +him to perceive the number and strength of the little threads that +hampered her spontaneity. As she said, they were made of heart-strings. +A vast spider's web seemed to spread its tender cordage round each +household, for the crippling of every winged creature within its radius. +Fragments of torn wings attested the struggles that had taken place +among the treacherous gossamer. + +"And the maddening thing is," cried Algitha, "that there is nobody to +swear at. Swearing at systems and ideas, as Hadria says, is a Barmecide +feast to one's vindictiveness." + +"It is the tyranny of affection that has done so much to ruin the lives +of women," the Professor observed, in a musing tone. + +Then after a pause: "I fear your poor mother has never got over _your_ +little revolt, Algitha." + +"Never, I am sorry to say. If I had married and settled in Hongkong, she +would scarcely have minded, but as it is, she feels deserted. Of course +the boys are away from home more than I am, yet she is not grieved at +that. You see how vast these claims are. Nothing less than one's entire +life and personality will suffice." + +"Your mother feels that you are throwing your life away, remember. But +truly it seems, sometimes, as if people were determined to turn +affection into a curse instead of a blessing!" + +"I never think of it in any other light," Algitha announced serenely. + +The Professor laughed. "Oh, there are exceptions, I hope," he said. +"Love, like everything else that is great, is very, very rare. We call +the disposition to usurp and absorb another person by that name, but woe +betide him or her who is the object of such a sentiment. Yet happily, +the real thing _is_ to be found now and again. And from that arises +freedom." + +Hadria was playing some joyous impromptu, which seemed to express the +very spirit of Freedom herself. + +"I think Hadria has something of the gipsy in her," said Algitha. "She +is so utterly and hopelessly unfitted to be the wife of a prim, +measured, elegant creature like Hubert--good fellow though he is--and to +settle down for life at Craddock Dene." + +"Yes," returned the Professor, "it has occurred to me, more than once, +that there must be a drop of nomad blood somewhere among the ancestry." + +"Hadria always says herself, that she is a vagabond in disguise." + +He laughed. Then, as he drew out a tobacco-pouch from his pocket and +proceeded to light his pipe, he went on, in quiet meditative fashion, as +if thinking aloud: "The fact of the matter is, that in this world, the +dead weight of the mass bears heavily upon the exceptional natures. It +comes home to one vividly, in cases like this. The stupidity and +blindness of each individual goes to build up the dead wall, the +impassable obstacle, for some other spirit. The burden that we have cast +upon the world has to be borne by our fellow man or woman, and perhaps +is doomed to crush a human soul." + +"It seems to me that most people are engaged in that crushing industry," +said Algitha with a shrug. "Don't I know their bonnets, and their +frock-coats and their sneers!" + +The Professor smiled. He thought that most of us were apt to take that +attitude at times. The same spirit assumed different forms. "While we +are sneering at our fellow mortal, and assuring him loftily that he can +certainly prevail, if only he is strong enough, it may be _our_ +particular dulness or _our_ hardness that is dragging him down to a +tragic failure, before our eyes." + +The sun was low when the player came out to the terrace and took her +favourite seat on the parapet. The gardens were steeped in profound +peace. One could hear no sound for miles round. The broad country made +itself closely felt by its stirring silence. The stretches of fields +beyond fields, the woodlands in their tender green, the long, long sweep +of the quiet land, formed a benign circle round the garden, and led the +sense of peace out and out to the horizon, where the liquid light of the +sky touched the hills. + +The face of the Professor had a transparent look and a singular beauty +of expression, such as is seen on the faces of the dead, or on the faces +of those who are carried beyond themselves by some generous enthusiasm. + +They watched, in silence, the changes creeping over the heavens, the +subtle transmutations of tint; the fairylands of cloud, growing like +dreams, and melting in golden annihilation; the more delicate and +exquisite, the sooner the end. + +The first pale hints of splendour had spread, till the whole West was +throbbing with the radiance. But it was short-lived. The soul of the +light, with its vital vibrating quality, seemed to die, and then slowly +the glow faded, till every sparkle was gone, and the amphitheatre of the +sky lay cold, and dusk, and empty. It was not till the last gleam had +melted away that a word was spoken. + +"It is like a prophecy," said Hadria. + +"To-morrow the dawn, remember." + +Hadria's thoughts ran on in the silence. + +The dawn? Yes; but all that lost splendour, those winged islands, those +wild ranges of mountain where the dreams dwell; to-morrow's dawn brings +no resurrection for them. Other pageants there will be, other +cloud-castles, but never again just those. + +Had the Professor been following her thoughts? + +"Life," he said, "offers her gifts as the Sibyl her books; they grow +fewer as we refuse them." + +"Ah! that is the truth that clamours in my brain, warning and pointing +to an empty temple, like the deserted sky, a little while ahead." + +"Be warned then." + +"Ah! but what to do? I am out of myself now with the spring; there are +so many benign influences. I too have winged islands, and wild ranges +where the dreams dwell; life is a fairy-tale; but there is always that +terror of the departure of the sun." + +"_Carpe diem._" + +Hadria turned a startled and eager face towards the Professor, who was +leaning back in his chair, thoughtfully smoking. The smoke curled away +serenely through the calm air of the evening. + +"You have a great gift," he said. + +"One is afraid of taking a thing too seriously because it is one's own." + +The Professor turned almost angrily. + +"Good heavens, what does it matter whose it is? There may be a sort of +inverted vanity in refusing fair play to a power, on that ground. Alas! +here is one of the first morbid signs of the evil at work upon you. If +you had been wholesomely moving and striving in the right direction, do +you think you would have been guilty of that piece of egotism?" + +"Vanity pursues one into hidden corners of the mind. I am so used to +that sort of spirit among women. Apparently I have caught the +infection." + +"I would not let it go farther," advised the Professor. + +"To do myself justice, I think it is superficial," said Hadria with a +laugh. "I would dare anything, _any_thing for a chance of freedom, +for----," she broke off, hesitating. "I remember once--years ago, when I +was quite a girl--seeing a young ash-tree that had got jammed into a +chink so that it couldn't grow straight, or spread, as its inner soul, +poor stripling, evidently inspired it to grow. Outside, there were +hundreds of upright, vigorous, healthful young trees, fulfilling that +innate idea in apparent gladness, and with obvious general advantage, +since they were growing into sound, valuable trees, straight of trunk, +nobly developed. I felt like the poor sapling in the cranny, that had +just the same natural impetus of healthy growth as all the others, but +was forced to become twisted, and crooked, and stunted and wretched. I +think most women have to grow in a cranny. It is generally known as +their Sphere." Algitha gave an approving chuckle. "I noticed," Hadria +added, "that the desperate struggle to grow of that young tree had begun +to loosen the masonry of the edifice that cramped it. There was a great +dangerous-looking crack right across the building. The tree was not +saved from deformity, _but_ it had its revenge! Some day that noble +institution would come down by the run." + +"Yes. Well, the thing to do is to get out of it," said the Professor. + +"You really advise that?" + +"Advise? One dare not advise. It is too perilous. No general theories +will hold in all instances." + +"Tell me," said Hadria, "what are the qualities in a human being that +make him most serviceable, or least harmful?" + +"What qualities?" Professor Fortescue watched the smoke of his pipe +curling away, as if he expected to find the answer in its coils. He +answered slowly, and with an air of reflection. + +"Mental integrity, and mercy. A resolute following of reason (in which I +should include insight) to its conclusion, though the heavens fall, and +an unfailing fellow-feeling for the pain and struggle and heart-ache and +sin that life is so full of. But one must add the quality of +imagination. Without imagination and its fruits, the world would be a +howling wilderness." + +"I wish you would come down with me, some day, to the East End and hold +out the hand of fellowship to some of the sufferers there," cried +Algitha. "I am, at times, almost in despair at the mass of evil to be +fought against, but somehow you always make me feel, Professor, that the +race has all the qualities necessary for redemption enfolded within +itself." + +"But assuredly it has!" cried the Professor. "And assuredly those +redeeming qualities will germinate. Otherwise the race would extinguish +itself in cruelty and corruption. Let people talk as they please about +the struggle for existence, it is through the development of the human +mind and the widening of human mercy that better things will come." + +"One sees, now and then, in a flash, what the world may some day be," +said Hadria. "The vision comes, perhaps, with the splendour of a spring +morning, or opens, scroll-like, in a flood of noble music. It sounds +unreal, yet it brings a sense of conviction that is irresistible." + +"I think it was Pythagoras who declared that the woes of men are the +work of their own hands," said the Professor. "So are their joys. +Nothing ever shakes my belief that what the mind of man can imagine, +that it can achieve." + +"But there are so many pulling the wrong way," said Algitha sadly. + +"Ah, one man may be miserable through the deeds of others; the race can +only be miserable through its own." + +After a pause, Algitha put a question: How far was it justifiable to +give pain to others in following one's own idea of right and reasonable? +How far might one attempt to live a life of intellectual integrity and +of the widest mercy that one's nature would stretch to? + +Professor Fortescue saw no limits but those of one's own courage and +ability. Algitha pointed out that in most lives the limit occurred much +sooner. If "others"--those tyrannical and absorbent "others"--had +intricately bound up their notions of happiness with the prevention of +any such endeavour, and if those notions were of the usual negative, +home-comfort-and-affection order, narrowly personal, fruitful in nothing +except a sort of sentimental egotism that spread over a whole +family--what Hadria called an _egotism à douze_--how far ought these +ideas to be respected, and at what cost? + +Professor Fortescue was unqualified in his condemnation of the sentiment +which erected sacrificial altars in the family circle. He spoke +scornfully of the doctrine of renunciation, so applied, and held the +victims who brought their gifts of power and liberty more culpable than +those who demanded them, since the duty of resistance to recognised +wrong was obvious, while great enlightenment was needed to teach one to +forego an unfair privilege or power that all the world concurred in +pressing upon one. + +"Then you think a person--even a feminine person--justified in giving +pain by resisting unjust demands?" + +"I certainly think that all attempts to usurp another person's life on +the plea of affection should be stoutly resisted. But I recognise that +cases must often occur when resistance is practically impossible." + +"One ought not to be too easily melted by the 'shrieks of a near +relation,'" said Hadria. "Ah, I have a good mind to try. I don't fear +any risk for myself, nor any work; the stake is worth it. I don't want +to grow cramped and crooked, like my poor ash-tree. Perhaps this may be +a form of vanity too; I don't know, I was going to say I don't care." + +The scent of young leaves and of flowers came up, soft and rich from the +garden, and as Hadria leant over the parapet, a gust of passionate +conviction of power swept over her; not merely of her own personal +power, but of some vast, flooding, beneficent well-spring from which her +own was fed. And with the inrush, came a glimpse as of heaven itself. + +"I wonder," she said after a long silence, "why it is that when we +_know_ for dead certain, we call it faith." + +"Because, I suppose, our certainty is certainty only for ourselves. If +you have found some such conviction to guide you in this wild world, you +are very fortunate. We need all our courage and our strength----" + +"And just a little more," Hadria added. + +"Yes; sometimes just a little more, to save us from its worst pitfalls." + +It struck both Hadria and her sister that the Professor was looking very +ill and worn this evening. + +"You are always giving help and sympathy to others, and you never get +any yourself!" Hadria exclaimed. + +But the Professor laughed, and asserted that he was being spoilt at +Craddock Dene. They had risen, and were strolling down the yew avenue. A +little star had twinkled out. + +"I am very glad to have Professor Fortescue's opinion of your +composition, Hadria. I was talking to him about you, and he quite agrees +with me." + +"What? that I ought to----?" + +"That you ought not to go on as you are going on at present." + +"But that is so vague." + +"I suppose you have long ago tried all the devices of self-discipline?" +said the Professor. "There are ways, of course, of arming oneself +against minor difficulties, of living within a sort of citadel. +Naturally much force has to go in keeping up the defences, but it is +better than having none to keep up." + +Hadria gave a quiet smile. "There is not a method, mental or other, that +I have not tried, and tried hard. If it had not been for the sternest +self-discipline, my mind at this moment, would be so honeycombed with +small pre-occupations (pleasant and otherwise), that it would be +incapable of consecutive ideas of any kind. As it is, I feel a miserable +number of holes here"--she touched her brow--"a loss of absorbing power, +at times, and a mental slackness that is really alarming. What remains +of me has been dragged ashore as from a wreck, amidst a rush of wind and +wave. But just now, thanks greatly to your sympathy and Algitha's, I +seem restored to myself. I can never describe the rapture of that +sensation to one who has never felt himself sinking down and down into +darkness, to a dim hell, where the doom is a slow decay instead of the +fiery pains of burning." + +"This is all wrong, wrong!" cried the Professor anxiously. + +"Ah! but I feel now, such certainty, such courage. It seems as if Fate +were giving me one more chance. I have often run very close to making a +definite decision--to dare everything rather than await this fool's +disaster. But then comes that everlasting feminine humility, sneaking up +with its simper: 'Is not this presumptuous, selfish, mistaken, wrong? +What business have _you_, one out of so many, to break roughly through +the delicate web that has been spun for your kindly detention?' Of +course my retort is: 'What business have they to spin the web?' But one +can never get up a real sense of injured innocence. It is always the +spiders who seem injured and innocent. However, this time I am going to +try, though the heavens fall!" + +A figure appeared, in the dusk, at the further end of the avenue. It +proved to be Miss Du Prel, who had come to find Hadria. Henriette had +arrived unexpectedly by the late afternoon train, and Valeria had +volunteered to announce her arrival to her sister-in-law. + +"Ah!" exclaimed Hadria, "heaven helps him who helps himself! This will +fit in neatly with my plans." + + + + +CHAPTER XXX. + + +Valeria Du Prel, finding that Miss Temperley proposed a visit of some +length, returned to town by the early morning train. + +"Valeria, do you know anyone in Paris to whom you could give me a letter +of introduction?" Hadria asked, at the last moment, when there was just +time to write the letter, and no more. + +"Are you going to Paris?" Valeria asked, startled. + +"Please write the letter and I will tell you some day what I want it +for." + +"Nothing very mad, I hope?" + +"No, only a little--judiciously mad." + +"Well, there is Madame Bertaux, in the Avenue Kleber, but her you know +already. Let me see. Oh yes, Madame Vauchelet, a charming woman; very +kind and very fond of young people. She is about sixty; a widow; her +husband was in the diplomatic service." + +Valeria made these hurried comments while writing the letter. + +"She is musical too, and will introduce you, perhaps, to the great +Joubert, and others of that set. You will like her, I am sure. She is +one of the truly good people of this world. If you really are going to +Paris, I shall feel happier if I know that Madame Vauchelet is your +friend." + +Sophia's successor announced that the pony-cart was at the door. + +Miss Du Prel looked rather anxiously at Hadria and her sister-in-law, as +they stood on the steps to bid her good-bye. There was a look of elation +mixed with devilry, in Hadria's face. The two figures turned and +entered the house together, as the pony-cart passed through the gate. + +Hadria always gave Miss Temperley much opportunity for the employment of +tact, finding this tact more elucidating than otherwise to the designs +that it was intended to conceal; it affected them in the manner of a +magnifying-glass. About a couple of years ago, the death of her mother +had thrown Henriette on her own resources, and set free a large amount +of energy that craved a legitimate outlet. The family with whom she was +now living in London, not being related to her, offered but limited +opportunities. + +Henriette's eye was fixed, with increasing fondness, upon the Red House. +_There_ lay the callow brood marked out by Nature and man, for her +ministrations. With infinite adroitness, Miss Temperley questioned her +sister-in-law, by inference and suggestion, about the affairs of the +household. Hadria evaded the attempt, but rejoiced, for reasons of her +own, that it was made. She began to find the occupation diverting, and +characteristically did not hesitate to allow her critic to form most +alarming conclusions as to the state of matters at the Red House. She +was pensive, and mild, and a little surprised when Miss Temperley, with +a suppressed gasp, urged that the question was deeply serious. It amused +Hadria to reproduce, for Henriette's benefit, the theories regarding the +treatment and training of children that she had found current among the +mothers of the district. + +Madame Bertaux happened to call during the afternoon, and that outspoken +lady scoffed openly at these theories, declaring that women made idiots +of themselves on behalf of their children, whom they preposterously +ill-used with unflagging devotion. + +"The moral training of young minds is such a problem," said Henriette, +after the visitor had left, "it must cause you many an anxious thought." + +Hadria arranged herself comfortably among cushions, and let every muscle +relax. + +"The boys are so young yet," she said drowsily. "I have no doubt that +will all come, later on." + +"But, my dear Hadria, unless they are trained now----" + +"Oh, there is plenty of time!" + +"Do you mean to say----?" + +"Only what other people say. Nothing in the least original, I assure +you. I see the folly and the inconvenience of that now. I have consulted +hoary experience. I have sat reverently at the feet of old nurses. I +have talked with mothers in the spirit of a disciple, and I have learnt, +oh, so much!" + +"Mothers are most anxious about the moral training of their little +ones," said Henriette, in some bewilderment. + +"Of course, but they don't worry about it so early. One can't expect +accomplished morality from poor little dots of five and six. The charm +of infancy would be gone." + +Miss Temperley explained, remonstrated. Hadria was limp, docile, +unemphatic. Perhaps Henriette was right, she didn't know. A sense of +honour? (Hadria suppressed a smile.) Could one, after all, expect of six +what one did not always get at six and twenty? Morals altogether seemed +a good deal to ask of irresponsible youth. Henriette could not overrate +the importance of early familiarity with the difference between right +and wrong. Certainly it was important, but Hadria shrank from an extreme +view. One must not rush into it without careful thought. + +"But meanwhile the children are growing up!" cried Henriette, in +despair. + +Hadria had not found that experienced mothers laid much stress on that +fact. Besides, there was considerable difficulty in the matter. +Henriette did not see it. The difference between right and wrong could +easily be taught to a child. + +Perhaps so, but it seemed to be thought expedient to defer the lesson +till the distant future; at least, if one might judge from the +literature especially designed for growing minds, wherein clever +villainy was exalted, and deeds of ferocious cruelty and revenge +occurred as a daily commonplace among heroes. The same policy was +indicated by the practice of allowing children to become familiar with +the sight of slaughter, and of violence of every kind towards animals, +from earliest infancy. Hadria concluded from all this, that it was +thought wise to postpone the moral training of the young till a more +convenient season. + +Henriette looked at her sister-in-law, with a sad and baffled mien. +Hadria's expression was solemn, and as much like that of Mrs. Walker as +she could make it, without descending to obvious caricature. + +"Do you think it quite wise, Henriette, to run dead against the customs +of ages? Do you think it safe to ignore the opinion of countless +generations of those who were older and wiser than ourselves?" + +"Dear me, how you _have_ changed!" cried Miss Temperley. + +"Advancing years; the sobering effects of experience," Hadria explained. +She was grieved to find Henriette at variance with those who had +practical knowledge of education. As the child grew up, one could easily +explain to him that the ideas and impressions that he might have +acquired, in early years, were mostly wrong, and had to be reversed. +That was quite simple. Besides, unless he were a born idiot of criminal +tendencies, he was bound to find it out for himself. + +"But, my dear Hadria, it is just the early years that are the +impressionable years. Nothing can quite erase those first impressions." + +"Oh, do you think so?" said Hadria mildly. + +"Yes, indeed, I think so," cried Henriette, losing her temper. + +"Oh, well of course you may be right." + +Hadria had brought out a piece of embroidery (about ten years old), and +was working peacefully. + +On questions of hygiene, she was equally troublesome. She had taken +hints, she said, from mothers of large families. Henriette laid stress +upon fresh air, even in the house. Hadria believed in fresh air; but +was it not going a little far to have it in the house? + +Henriette shook her head. + +Fresh air was _always_ necessary. In moderation, perhaps, Hadria +admitted. But the utmost care was called for, to avoid taking cold. She +laid great stress upon that. Children were naturally so susceptible. In +all the nurseries that she had visited, where every possible precaution +was taken against draughts, the children were incessantly taking cold. + +"Perhaps the precautions made them delicate," Henriette suggested. But +this paradox Hadria could not entertain. "Take care of the colds, and +the fresh air will take care of itself," was her general maxim. + +"But, my dear Hadria, do you mean to tell me that the people about here +are so benighted as really not to understand the importance to the +system of a constant supply of pure air?" + +Hadria puckered up her brow, as if in thought. "Well," she said, +"several mothers _have_ mentioned it, but they take more interest in +fluid magnesia and tonics." + +Henriette looked dispirited. + +At any rate, there was no reason why Hadria should not be more +enlightened than her neighbours, on these points. Hadria shook her head +deprecatingly. She hoped Henriette would not mind if she quoted the +opinion of old Mr. Jordan, whose language was sometimes a little strong. +He said that he didn't believe all that "damned nonsense about fresh air +and drains!" Henriette coughed. + +"It is certainly not safe to trust entirely to nurses, however devoted +and experienced," she insisted. Hadria shrugged her shoulders. If the +nurse _did_ constitutionally enjoy a certain stuffiness in her +nurseries--well the children were out half the day, and it couldn't do +them much harm. (Hadria bent low over her embroidery.) + +The night? + +"Oh! then one must, of course, expect to be a little stuffy." + +"But," cried Miss Temperley, almost hopeless, "impure air breathed, +night after night, is an incessant drain on the strength, even if each +time it only does a little harm." + +Hadria smiled over her silken arabesques. "Oh, nobody ever objects to +things that only do a little harm." There was a moment of silence. + +Henriette thought that Hadria must indeed have changed very much during +the last years. Well, of course, when very young, Hadria said, one had +extravagant notions: one imagined all sorts of wild things about the +purposes of the human brain: not till later did one realize that the +average brain was merely an instrument of adjustment, a sort of +spirit-level which enabled its owner to keep accurately in line with +other people. Henriette ought to rejoice that Hadria had thus come to +bow to the superiority of the collective wisdom. + +But Henriette had her doubts. + +Hadria carefully selected a shade of silk, went to the light to reassure +herself of its correctness, and returned to her easy chair by the fire. +Henriette resumed her knitting. She was making stockings for her +nephews. + +"Henriette, don't you think it would be rather a good plan if you were +to come and live here and manage affairs--morals, manners, hygiene, and +everything?" + +Henriette's needles stopped abruptly, and a wave of colour came into her +face, and a gleam of sudden joy to her eyes. + +"My dear, what do you mean?" + +"Hubert, of course, would be only too delighted to have you here, and I +want to go away." + +"For heaven's sake----" + +"Not exactly for heaven's sake. For my own sake, I suppose: frankly +selfish. It is, perhaps, the particular form that my selfishness +takes--an unfortunately conspicuous form. So many of us can have a nice +cosy pocket edition that doesn't show. However, that's not the point. I +know you would be happier doing this than anything else, and that you +would do it perfectly. You have the kind of talent, if I may say so, +that makes an admirable ruler. When it has a large political field we +call it 'administrative ability'; when it has a small domestic one, we +speak of it as 'good housekeeping.' It is a precious quality, wherever +it appears. You have no scope for it at present." + +Henriette was bewildered, horrified, yet secretly thrilled with joy on +her own account. Was there a quarrel? Had any cloud come over the +happiness of the home? Hadria laughed and assured her to the contrary. +But where was she going, and for how long? What did she intend to do? +Did Hubert approve? And could she bear to be away from her children? +Hadria thought this was all beside the point, especially as the boys +were shortly going to school. The question was, whether Henriette would +take the charge. + +Certainly, if Hadria came to any such mad decision, but that, Henriette +hoped, might be averted. What _would_ people say? Further discussion was +checked by a call from Mrs. Walker, whom Hadria had the audacity to +consult on questions of education and hygiene, leading her, by dexterous +generalship, almost over the same ground that she had traversed herself, +inducing the unconscious lady to repeat, with amazing accuracy, Hadria's +own reproduction of local views. + +"Now _am_ I without authority in my ideas?" she asked, after Mrs. Walker +had departed. Henriette had to admit that she had at least one +supporter. + +"But I believe," she added, "that your practice is better than your +preaching." + +"It seems to be an ordinance of Nature," said Hadria, "that these things +shall never correspond." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI. + + +Hadria said nothing more about her project, and when Henriette alluded +to it, answered that it was still unfurnished with detail. She merely +wished to know, for certain, Henriette's views. She admitted that there +had been some conversation on the subject between Hubert and herself, +but would give no particulars. Henriette had to draw her own conclusions +from Hadria's haggard looks, and the suppressed excitement of her +manner. + +Henriette always made a point of being present when Professor Fortescue +called, as she did not approve of his frequent visits. She noticed that +he gave a slight start when Hadria entered. In a few days, she had grown +perceptibly thinner. Her manner was restless. A day or two of rain had +prevented the usual walks. When it cleared up again, the season had +taken a stride. Still more glorious was the array of tree and flower, +and their indescribable freshness suggested the idea that they were +bathed in the mysterious elixir of life, and that if one touched them, +eternal youth would be the reward. Professor Theobald gazed at Hadria +with startled and enquiring eyes, when they met again. + +"You look tired," he said. + +"I am, rather. The spring is always a little trying." + +"Especially _this_ spring, I find." + +The gardens of the Priory were now at the very perfection of their +beauty. The supreme moment had come of flowing wealth of foliage and +delicate splendour of blossom, yet the paleness of green and tenderness +of texture were still there. + +Professor Theobald said suddenly, that Hadria looked as if she were +turning over some project very anxiously in her mind--a project on which +much depended. + +"You are very penetrating," she replied, after a moment's hesitation, +"that is exactly what I _am_ doing. When I was a girl, my brothers and +sisters and I used to discuss the question of the sovereignty of the +will. Most of us believed in it devoutly. We regarded circumstance as an +annoying trifle, that no person who respected himself would allow to +stand in his way. I want to try that theory and see what comes of it." + +"You alarm me, Mrs. Temperley." + +"Yes, people always do seem to get alarmed when one attempts to put +their favourite theories in practice." + +"But really--for a woman----" + +"The sovereignty of the will is a dangerous doctrine?" + +"Well, as things are; a young woman, a beautiful woman." + +"You recall an interesting memory," she said. + +"Ah, that is unkind." + +Her smile checked him. + +"When you fall into a mocking humour, you are quite impracticable." + +"I merely smiled," she said, "sweetly, as I thought." + +"It is really cruel; I have not had a word with you for days, and the +universe has become a wilderness." + +"A pleasant wilderness," she observed, looking round. + +"Nature is a delightful background, but a poor subject." + +"Do you think so? I often fancy one's general outlook would be nicer, if +one had an indistinct human background and a clear foreground of +unspoiled Nature. But that may be a jaundiced view." + +Hadria went off to meet Lady Engleton, who was coming down the avenue +with Madame Bertaux. Professor Theobald instinctively began to follow +and then stopped, reddening, as he met the glance of Miss Temperley. He +flung himself into conversation with her, and became especially animated +when he was passing Hadria, who did not appear to notice him. As both +Professors were to leave Craddock Dene at the end of the week, this was +the last meeting in the Priory gardens. + +Miss Temperley found Professor Theobald entertaining, but at times a +little incoherent. + +"Why, there is Miss Du Prel!" exclaimed Henriette. "What an erratic +person she is. She went to London the day before yesterday, and now she +turns up suddenly without a word of warning." + +This confirmed Professor Theobald's suspicions that something serious +was going on at the Red House. + +Valeria explained her return to Hadria, by saying that she had felt so +nervous about what the latter might be going to attempt, that she had +come back to see if she could be of help, or able to ward off any rash +adventure. + +There was a pleasant open space among the shrubberies, where several +seats had been placed to command a dainty view of the garden and lawns, +with the house in the distance, and here the party gradually converged, +in desultory fashion, coming up and strolling off again, as the fancy +inspired them. + +Cigars were lighted, and a sense of sociability and enjoyment suffused +itself, like a perfume, among the group. + +Lady Engleton was delighted to see Miss Du Prel again. She did so want +to continue the hot discussion they were having at the Red House that +afternoon, when Mr. Temperley _would_ be so horridly logical. He smiled +and twisted his moustache. + +"We were interrupted by some caller, and had to leave the argument at a +most exciting moment." + +"An eternally interesting subject!" said Temperley; "what woman is, what +she is not." + +"My dread is that presently, the need for dissimulation being over, all +the delightful mystery will have vanished," said Professor Theobald. "I +should tire, in a day, of a woman I could understand." + +"You tempt one to enquire the length of the reign of a satisfactory +enigma," cried Lady Engleton. + +"Precisely the length of her ability to mystify me," he replied. + +"Your future wife ought to be given a hint." + +"Oh! a wife, in no case, could hold me: the mere fact that it was my +duty to adore her, would be chilling. And when added to that, I knew +that she had placed it among the list of her obligations to adore +_me_--well, that would be the climax of disenchantment." + +Hubert commended his wisdom in not marrying. + +"The only person I could conceivably marry would be my cook; in that +case there would be no romance to spoil, no vision to destroy." + +"I fear this is a cloak for a poor opinion of our sex, Professor." + +"On the contrary. I admire your sex too much to think of subjecting them +to such an ordeal. I could not endure to regard a woman I had once +admired, as a matter of course, a commonplace in my existence." + +Henriette plunged headlong into the fray, in opposition to the +Professor's heresy. The conversation became general. + +Professor Theobald fell out of it. He was furtively watching Hadria, +whose eyes were strangely bright. She was sitting on the arm of a seat, +listening to the talk, with a little smile on her lips. Her hand clasped +the back of the seat rigidly, as if she were holding something down. + +The qualities and defects of the female character were frankly +canvassed, each view being held with fervour, but expressed with +urbanity. Women were _always_ so and so; women were absolutely _never_ +so and so: women felt, without exception, thus and thus; on the +contrary, they were entirely devoid of such sentiments. A large +experience and wide observation always supported each opinion, and +eminent authorities swarmed to the standard. + +"I do think that women want breadth of view," said Lady Engleton. + +"They sometimes want accuracy of statement," observed Professor +Theobald, with a possible second meaning in his words. + +"It seems to me they lack concentration. They are too versatile," was +Hubert's comment. + +"They want a sense of honour," was asserted. + +"And a sense of humour," some one added. + +"They want a feeling of public duty." + +"They want a spice of the Devil!" exclaimed Hadria. + +There was a laugh. + +Hubert thought this was a lack not likely to be felt for very long. It +was under rapid process of cultivation. + +"Why, it is a commonplace, that if a woman _is_ bad, she is always +_very_ bad," cried Lady Engleton. + +"A new and intoxicating experience," said Professor Fortescue. "I +sympathize." + +"New?" his colleague murmured, with a faint chuckle. + +"You distress me," said Henriette. + +Professor Fortescue held that woman's "goodness" had done as much harm +in the world as men's badness. The one was merely the obverse of the +other. + +"This is strange teaching!" cried Lady Engleton. + +The Professor reminded her that truth was always stranger than fiction. + +"To the best men," observed Valeria, "women show all their meanest +qualities. It is the fatality of their training." + +Professor Theobald had noted the same trait in other subject races. + +"Pray, don't call us a subject race!" remonstrated Lady Engleton. + +"Ah, yes, the truth," cried Hadria, "we starve for the truth." + +"You are courageous, Mrs. Temperley." + +"Like the Lady of Shallott, I am sick of shadows." + +"The bare truth, on this subject, is hard for a woman to face." + +"It is harder, in the long run, to waltz eternally round it with averted +eyes." + +"But, dear me, why is the truth about ourselves hard to face?" demanded +Valeria. + +"I am placed between the horns of a dilemma: one lady clamours for the +bare truth: another forbids me to say anything unpleasing." + +"I withdraw my objection," Valeria offered. + +"The ungracious task shall not be forced upon unwilling chivalry," said +Hadria. "If our conditions have been evil, some scars must be left and +may as well be confessed. Among the faults of women, I should place a +tendency to trade upon and abuse real chivalry and generosity when they +meet them: a survival perhaps from the Stone Age, when the fittest to +bully were the surviving elect of society." + +Hadria's eyes sparkled with suppressed excitement. + +"Freedom alone teaches us to meet generosity, generously," said +Professor Fortescue; "you can't get the perpendicular virtues out of any +but the really free-born." + +"Then do you describe women's virtues as horizontal?" enquired Miss Du +Prel, half resentfully. + +"In so far as they follow the prevailing models. Women's love, +friendship, duty, the conduct of life as a whole, speaking very roughly, +has been lacking in the quality that I call perpendicular; a quality +implying something more than _upright_." + +"You seem to value but lightly the woman's acknowledged readiness for +self-sacrifice," said Lady Engleton. "That, I suppose, is only a +despised horizontal virtue." + +"Very frequently." + +"Because it is generally more or less abject," Hadria put in. "The +sacrifice is made because the woman is a woman. It is the obeisance of +sex; the acknowledgment of servility; not a simple desire of service." + +"The adorable creature is not always precisely obeisant," observed +Theobald. + +"No; as I say, she may be capricious and cruel enough to those who treat +her justly and generously" (Hadria's eyes instinctively turned towards +the distant Priory, and Valeria's followed them); "but ask her to +sacrifice herself for nothing; ask her to cherish the selfishness of +some bully or fool; assure her that it is her duty to waste her youth, +lose her health, and stultify her mind, for the sake of somebody's whim, +or somebody's fears, or somebody's absurdity, _then_ she needs no +persuasion. She goes to the stake smiling. She swears the flames are +comfortably warm, no more. Are they diminishing her in size? Oh no--not +at all--besides she _was_ rather large, for a woman. She smiles +encouragement to the other chained figures, at the other stakes. Her +reward? The sense of exalted worth, of humility; the belief that she has +been sublimely virtuous, while the others whom she serves have +been--well the less said about them the better. She has done her duty, +and sent half a dozen souls to hell!" + +Henriette uttered a little cry. + +"Where one expects to meet her!" Hadria added. + +Professor Theobald was chuckling gleefully. + +Lady Engleton laughed. "Then, Mrs. Temperley, you _do_ feel rather +wicked yourself, although you don't admire our nice, well-behaved, +average woman." + +"Oh, the mere opposite of an error isn't always truth," said Hadria. + +"The weather has run to your head!" cried Henriette. + +Hadria's eyes kindled. "Yes, it is like wine; clear, intoxicating +sparkling wine, and its fumes are mounting! Why does civilisation never +provide for these moments?" + +"What would you have? A modified feast of Dionysius?" + +"Why not? The whole earth joins in the festival and sings, except +mankind. Some frolic of music and a stirring dance!--But ah! I suppose, +in this tamed England of ours, we should feel it artificial; we should +fear to let ourselves go. But in Greece--if we could fancy ourselves +there, shorn of our little local personalities--in some classic grove, +on sunlit slopes, all bubbling with the re-birth of flowers and alive +with the light, the broad all-flooding light of Greece that her children +dreaded to leave more than any other earthly thing, when death +threatened--could one not imagine the loveliness of some garlanded +dance, and fancy the naïads, and the dryads, and all the hosts of Pan +gambolling at one's heels?" + +"Really, Mrs. Temperley, you were not born for an English village. I +should like Mrs. Walker to hear you!" + +"Mrs. Walker knows better than to listen to me. She too hides somewhere, +deep down, a poor fettered thing that would gladly join the revel, if it +dared. We all do." + +Lady Engleton dwelt joyously on the image of Mrs. Walker, cavorting, +garlanded, on a Greek slope, with the nymphs and water-sprites for +familiar company. + +Lady Engleton had risen laughing, and proposed a stroll to Hadria. + +Henriette, who did not like the tone the conversation was taking, +desired to join them. + +"I never quite know how far you are serious, and how far you are just +amusing yourself, Hadria," said Lady Engleton. "Our talking of Greece +reminds me of some remark you made the other day, about Helen. You +seemed to me almost to sympathize with her." + +Hadria's eyes seemed to be looking across miles of sea to the sunny +Grecian land. + +"If a slave breaks his chains and runs, I am always glad," she said. + +"I was talking about Helen." + +"So was I. If a Spartan wife throws off her bondage and defies the laws +that insult her, I am still more glad." + +"But not if she sins?" Henriette coughed, warningly. + +"Yes; if she sins." + +"Oh, Hadria," remonstrated Henriette, in despair. + +"I don't see that it follows that Helen _did_ sin, however; one does not +know much about her sentiments. She revolted against the tyranny that +held her shut in, enslaved, body and soul, in that wonderful Greek world +of hers. I am charmed to think that she gave her countrymen so much +trouble to assert her husband's right of ownership. It was at _his_ +door that the siege of Troy ought to be laid. I only wish elopements +always caused as much commotion!" Lady Engleton laughed, and Miss +Temperley tried to catch Hadria's eye. + +"Well, that _is_ a strange idea! And do you really think Helen did not +sin? Seriously now." + +"I don't know. There is no evidence on that point." Lady Engleton +laughed again. + +"You do amuse me. Assuming that Helen did not sin, I suppose you would +(if only for the sake of paradox) accuse the virtuous Greek matrons--who +sat at home, and wove, and span, and bore children--of sinning against +the State!" + +"Certainly," said Hadria, undismayed. "It was they who insidiously +prepared the doom for their country, as they wove and span and bore +children, with stupid docility. As surely as an enemy might undermine +the foundations of a city till it fell in with a crash, so surely they +brought ruin upon Greece." + +"Oh, Hadria, you are quite beside yourself to-day!" cried Henriette. + +"A love of paradox will lead you far!" said Lady Engleton. "We have +always been taught to think a nation sound and safe whose women were +docile and domestic." + +"What nation, under those conditions, has ever failed to fall in with a +mighty crash, like my undermined city? Greece herself could not hold +out. Ah, yes; we have our revenge! a sweet, sweet revenge!" + +Lady Engleton was looking much amused and a little dismayed, when she +and her companions rejoined the party. + +"I never heard anyone say so many dreadful things in so short a space of +time," she cried. "You are distinctly shocking." + +"I am frank," said Hadria. "I fancy we should all go about with our hair +permanently on end, if we spoke out in chorus." + +"I don't quite like to hear you say that, Hadria." + +"I mean no harm--merely that every one thinks thoughts and feels +impulses that would be startling if expressed in speech. Don't we all +know how terrifying a thing speech is, and thought? a chartered +libertine." + +"Why, you are saying almost exactly what Professor Theobald said the +other day, and we were so shocked." + +"And yet my meaning has scarcely any relation to his," Hadria hastened +to say. "He meant to drag down all belief in goodness by reminding us of +dark moments and hours; by placarding the whole soul with the name of +some shadow that moves across it, I sometimes think from another world, +some deep under-world that yawns beneath us and sends up blackness and +fumes and strange cries." Hadria's eyes had wandered far away. "Are you +never tormented by an idea, an impression that you know does not belong +to you?" + +Lady Engleton gave a startled negative. "Professor Fortescue, come and +tell me what you think of this strange doctrine?" + +"If we had to be judged by our freedom from rushes of evil impulse, +rather than by our general balance of good and evil wishing, I think +those would come out best, who had fewest thoughts and feelings of any +kind to record." The subject attracted a small group. + +"Unless goodness is only a negative quality," Valeria pointed out, "a +mere _absence_, it must imply a soul that lives and struggles, and if it +lives and struggles, it is open to the assaults of the devil." + +"Yes, and it is liable to go under too sometimes, one must not forget," +said Hadria, "although most people profess to believe so firmly in the +triumph of the best--how I can't conceive, since the common life of +every day is an incessant harping on the moral: the smallest, meanest, +poorest, thinnest, vulgarest qualities in man and woman are those +selected for survival, in the struggle for existence." + +There was a cry of remonstrance from idealists. + +"But what else do we mean when we talk by common consent of the world's +baseness, harshness, vulgarity, injustice? It means surely--and think of +it!--that it is composed of men and women with the best of them killed +out, as a nerve burnt away by acid; a heart won over to meaner things +than it set out beating for; a mind persuaded to nibble at edges of dry +crust that might have grown stout and serviceable on generous diet, and +mellow and inspired with noble vintage." + +"You really are shockingly Bacchanalian to-day," cried Lady Engleton. + +Hadria laughed. "Metaphorically, I am a toper. The wonderful clear +sparkle, the subtle flavour, the brilliancy of wine, has for me a +strange fascination; it seems to signify so much in life that women +lose." + +"True. What beverage should one take as a type of what they gain by the +surrender?" asked Lady Engleton, who was disposed to hang back towards +orthodoxy, in the presence of her uncompromising neighbour. + +"Oh, toast and water!" replied Hadria. + + + + +Part III. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII. + + +The speed was glorious. Back flashed field and hill and copse, and the +dear "companionable hedgeways." Back flew iterative telegraph posts with +Herculean swing, into the Past, looped together in rhythmic movement, +marking the pulses of old Time. On, with rack and roar, into the +mysterious Future. One could sit at the window and watch the machinery +of Time's foundry at work; the hammers of his forge beating, beating, +the wild sparks flying, the din and chaos whirling round one's +bewildered brain;--Past becoming Present, Present melting into Future, +before one's eyes. To sit and watch the whirring wheels; to think "Now +it is thus and thus; presently, another slice of earth and sky awaits +me"--ye Gods, it is not to be realized! + +The wonder of the flying land--England, England with her gentle +homesteads, her people of the gentle voices; and the unknown wonder of +that other land, soon to change its exquisite dream-features for the +still more thrilling, appealing marvel of reality--could it all be true? +Was this the response of the genius of the ring, the magic ring that we +call _will_? And would the complaisant genius always appear and obey +one's behests, in this strange fashion? + +Thoughts ran on rhythmically, in the steady, flashing movement through +verdant England. The Real! _that_ was the truly exquisite, the truly +great, the true realm of the imagination! What imagination was ever born +to conceive or compass it? + +A rattle under a bridge, a roar through a tunnel, and on again, through +Kentish orchards. A time of blossoming. Disjointed, delicious +impressions followed one another in swift succession, often +superficially incoherent, but threaded deep, in the stirred +consciousness, on a silver cord:--the unity of the creation was as +obvious as its multiplicity. + +Images of the Past joined hands with visions of the Future. In these +sweet green meadows, men had toiled, as thralls, but a few lifetimes +ago, and they had gathered together, as Englishmen do, first to protest +and reasonably demand, and then to buy their freedom with their lives. +Their countrywoman sent a message of thanksgiving, backward through the +centuries, to these stout champions of the land's best heritage, and +breathed an aspiration to be worthy of the kinship that she claimed. + +The rattle and roar grew into a symphony--full, rich, magnificent, and +then, with a rush, came a stirring musical conception: it seized the +imagination. + +Oh, why were they stopping? It was a little country station, but many +passengers were on the platform. A careworn looking woman and a little +girl entered the carriage, and the little girl fixed her eyes on her +fellow-traveller with singular persistence. Then the more practical +features of the occasion came into view, and all had an enthralling +quality of reality--poetry. The sound of the waiting engine breathing +out its white smoke into the brilliant air, the powerful creature +quiescent but ready, with the turn of a handle, to put forth its +slumbering might; the crunching of footsteps on the gravel, the +wallflowers and lilacs in the little station garden, the blue of the +sky, and ah! the sweetness of the air when one leant out to look along +the interminable straight line of rails, leading--whither? Even the very +details of one's travelling gear: the tweed gown meet for service, the +rug and friendly umbrella, added to the feeling of overflowing +satisfaction. The little girl stared more fixedly than ever. A smile and +the offer of a flower made her look down, for a minute, but the gaze was +resumed. Wherefore? Was the inward tumult too evident in the face? +Well, no matter. The world was beautiful and wide! + +The patient monster began to move again, with a gay whistle, as if he +enjoyed this chase across country, on the track of Time. He was soon at +full speed again, on his futile race: a hapless idealist in pursuit of +lost dreams. The little girl watched the dawn of a smile on the face of +the kind, pretty lady who had given her the flower. A locomotive +figuring as an idealist! Where would one's fancy lead one to next? + +Ah the sea! heaving busily, and flashing under the morning radiance. +Would they have a good crossing? The wind was fresh. How dreamy and +bright and windy the country looked, and how salt was the sea-breeze! +Very soon they would arrive at Folkestone. Rugs and umbrellas and +handbags must be collected. The simple, solid commonplace of it all, +touched some wholesome spring of delight. What a speed the train was +going at! One could scarcely stand in the jolting carriage. Old Time +must not make too sure of his victory. One felt a wistful partisanship +for his snorting rival, striving for ever to accomplish the impossible. +The labouring visionary was not without significance to aspiring +mortals. + +The outskirts of the town were coming in sight; grey houses bleakly +climbing chalky heights. It would be well to put on a thick overcoat at +once. It was certain to be cold in the Channel. + +Luckily Hannah had a head on her shoulders, and could be trusted to +follow the directions that had been given her. + +The last five minutes seemed interminable, but they did come to an end. +There was an impression of sweet salt air, of wind and voices, of a +hurrying crowd; occasionally a French sentence pronounced by one of the +officials, reminiscent of a thousand dreams and sights of foreign lands; +and then the breezy quay and waiting steamboat. + +The sound of that quiet, purposeful hiss of the steam sent a thrill +along the nerves. Hannah and her charge were safely on board; the small +luggage followed, and lastly Hadria traversed the narrow bridge, +wondering when the moment would arrive for waking up and finding herself +in her little bedroom at Craddock Dene? What was she thinking of? Dream? +_This_ was no dream, this bold, blue, dancing water, this living +sunshine, this salt and savour and movement and brilliancy! + +The _other_ was the dream; it seemed to be drifting away already. The +picture of the village and the house and the meadows, and the low line +of the hills was recalled as through a veil; it would not stand up and +face the emphatic present. At the end of a few months, would there be +anything left of her connexion with the place where she had passed +six--seven years of her life? and such years! They had put scars on her +soul, as deep and ghastly as ever red-hot irons had marked on tortured +flesh. Perhaps it was because of this rabid agony undergone, that now +she seemed to have scarcely any clinging to her home,--for the present +at any rate. And she knew that she left only sorrow for conventional +disasters behind her. The joy of freedom and its intoxication drowned +every other feeling. It was sheer relief to be away, to stretch oneself +in mental liberty and leisure, to look round at earth and sky and the +hurrying crowds, in quiet enjoyment; to possess one's days, one's +existence for the first time, in all these long years! It was as the +home-coming of a dispossessed heir. This freedom did not strike her as +strange, but as obvious, as familiar. It was the first condition of a +life that was worth living. And yet never before had she known it. +Ernest and Fred and even Austin had enjoyed it from boyhood, and in far +greater completeness than she could ever hope to possess it, even now. + +Yet even this limited, this comparative freedom, which a man could +afford to smile at, was intoxicating. Heavens! under what a leaden cloud +of little obligations and restraints, and loneliness and pain, she had +been living! And for what purpose? To make obeisance to a phantom +public, not because she cared one iota for the phantom or its opinions, +but because husband and parents and relations were terrified at the +prospect of a few critical and disapproving remarks, that they would not +even hear! How mad it all was! It was not true feeling, not affection, +that prompted Hubert's opposition; it was not care for his real +happiness that inspired Henriette with such ardour in this cause; they +would both be infinitely happier and more harmonious in Hadria's +absence. The whole source of their distress was the fear of what people +would say when the separation became known to the world. That was the +beginning and the end of the matter. Why could not the stupid old world +mind its own business, in heaven's name? Good people, especially good +women of the old type, would all counsel the imbecile sacrifice. They +would all condemn this step. Indeed, the sacrifice that Hadria had +refused to make, was so common, so much a matter of course, that her +refusal appeared startling and preposterous: scarcely less astonishing +than if a neighbour at dinner, requesting one to pass the salt, had been +met with a rude "I shan't." + +"A useful phrase at times, of the nature of a tonic, amidst our +enervating civilisation," she reflected. + +There was a tramping of passengers up and down the deck. People walked +obliquely, with head to windward. Draperies fluttered; complexions +verged towards blue. Only two ladies who had abandoned hope from the +beginning, suffered from the crossing. The kindly sailors occupied their +leisure in bringing tarpaulins to the distressed. + +"Well, Hannah, how are you getting on?" + +Hannah looked forward ardently to the end of the journey, but her charge +seemed delighted with the new scene. + +"Have you ever been to France before, ma'am?" Hannah asked, perhaps +noticing the sparkle of her employer's eye and the ring in her voice. + +"Yes, once; I spent a week in Paris with Mr. Temperley, and we went on +afterwards to the Pyrenees. That was just before we took the Red House." + +"It must have been beautiful," said Hannah. "And did you take the +babies, ma'am?" + +"They were neither of them in existence then," replied Mrs. Temperley. A +strange fierce light passed through her eyes for a second, but Hannah +did not notice it. Martha's shawl was blowing straight into her eyes, +and the nurse was engaged in arranging it more comfortably. + +The coast of France had become clear, some time ago; they were making +the passage very quickly to-day. Soon the red roofs of Boulogne were to +be distinguished, with the grey dome of the cathedral on the hill-top. +Presently, the boat had arrived in the bright old town, and every detail +of outline and colour was standing forth brilliantly, as if the whole +scene had been just washed over with clear water and all the tints were +wet. + +The first impression was keen. The innumerable differences from English +forms and English tones sprang to the eye. A whiff of foreign smell and +a sound of foreign speech reached the passengers at about the same +moment. The very houses looked unfamiliarly built, and even the letters +of printed names of hotels and shops had a frivolous, spindly +appearance--elegant but frail. The air was different from English air. +Some _bouillon_ and a slice of fowl were very acceptable at the +restaurant at the station, after the business of examining the luggage +was over. Hannah, evidently nourishing a sense of injury against the +natives for their eccentric jargon, and against the universe for the +rush and discomfort of the last quarter of an hour, was disposed to +express her feelings by a marked lack of relish for her food. She +regarded Hadria's hearty appetite with a disdainful expression. Martha +ate bread and butter and fruit. She was to have some milk that had been +brought for her, when they were _en route_ again. + +"_Tout le monde en voiture!_" Within five minutes, the train was +puffing across the wastes of blowing sand that ran along the coast, +beyond the town. The child, who had become accustomed to the noise and +movement, behaved better than had been expected. She seemed to take +pleasure in looking out of the window at the passing trees. Hannah was +much struck with this sign of awakening intelligence. It was more than +the good nurse showed herself. She scarcely condescended to glance at +the panorama of French fields, French hills and streams that were +rushing by. How pale and ethereal they were, these Gallic coppices and +woodlands! And with what a dainty lightness the foliage spread itself to +the sun, French to its graceful finger-tips! That grey old house, with +high lichen-stained roof and narrow windows--where but in sunny France +could one see its like?--and the little farmsteads and villages, full of +indescribable charm. One felt oneself in a land of artists. There was no +inharmonious, no unfitting thing anywhere. Man had wedded himself to +Nature, and his works seemed to receive her seal and benediction. +English landscape was beautiful, and it had a particular charm to be +found nowhere else in the world; but in revenge, there was something +here that England could not boast. Was it fanciful to see in the +characteristics of vegetation and scenery, the origin or expression of +the difference of the two races at their greatest? + +"Ah, if I were only a painter!" + +They were passing some fields where, in the slanting rays of the sun, +peasants in blue blouses and several women were bending over their toil. +It was a subject often chosen by French artists. Hadria understood why. +One of the labourers stood watching the train, and she let her eyes rest +on the patient figure till she was carried beyond his little world. If +she could have painted that scene just as she saw it, all the sadness +and mystery of the human lot would have stood forth eloquently in form +and colour; these a magic harmony, not without some inner kinship with +the spirit of man at its noblest. + +What was he thinking, that toil-bent peasant, as the train flashed by? +What tragedy or comedy was he playing on his rural stage? Hadria sat +down and shut her eyes, dazzled by the complex mystery and miracle of +life, and almost horrified at the overwhelming thought of the millions +of these obscure human lives burning themselves out, everywhere, at +every instant, like so many altar-candles to the unknown God! + +"And each one of them takes himself as seriously as I take myself: +perhaps more seriously. Ah, if one could but pause to smile at one's +tragic moments, or still better, at one's sublime ones. But it can't be +done. A remembrancer would have to be engaged, to prevent lapses into +the sublime,--and how furious one would be when he nudged one, with his +eternal: 'Beware!'" + +It was nearly eight o'clock when the train plunged among the myriad +lights of the great city. The brilliant beacon of the Eiffel Tower sat +high up in the sky, like an exile star. + +Gaunt and grim was the vast station, with its freezing purplish electric +light. Yet even here, to Hadria's stirred imagination, there was a +certain quality in the Titanic building, which removed it from the +vulgarity of English utilitarian efforts of the same order. + +In a fanciful mood, one might imagine a tenth circle of the Inferno, +wherein those stern grey arches should loftily rise, in blind and +endless sequence, limbing an abode of horror, a place of punishment for +those, empty-hearted, who had lived without colour and sunshine, in +voluntary abnegation, caring only for gain and success. + +The long delay in the examination of the luggage, the fatigue of the +journey, tended to increase the disposition to regard the echoing +edifice, with its cold hollow reverberations, as a Circle of the Doomed. +It was as if they passed from the realm of the Shades through the Gates +of Life, when at length the cab rattled out of the courtyard of the +station, and turned leftwards into the brilliant streets of Paris. It +was hard to realize that all this stir and light and life had been going +on night after night, for all these years, during which one had sat in +the quiet drawing-room at Craddock Dene, trying wistfully, hopelessly, +to grasp the solid fact of an unknown vast reality, through a record +here and there. The journey was a long one to the Rue Boissy d'Anglas, +but tired as she was, Hadria did not wish it shorter. Even Hannah was +interested in the brilliantly lighted shops and _cafés_ and the +splendour of the boulevards. Now and again, the dark deserted form of a +church loomed out, lonely, amidst the gaiety of Parisian street-life. +Some electric lamp threw a distant gleam upon calm classic pillars, +which seemed to hold aloof, with a quality of reserve rarely to be +noticed in things Parisian. Hadria greeted it with a feeling of +gratitude. + +The great Boulevard was ablaze and swarming with life. The _cafés_ were +full; the gilt and mirrors and the crowds of _consommateurs_ within, all +visible as one passed along the street, while, under the awning outside, +crowds were sitting smoking, drinking, reading the papers. + +Was it really possible that only this morning, those quiet English +fields had been dozing round one, those sleepy villagers spreading their +slow words out, in expressing an absence of idea, over the space of time +in which a Parisian conveyed a pocket philosophy? + +The cabman directed his vehicle down the Rue Royale, passing the stately +Madeleine, with its guardian sycamores, and out into the windy +spaciousness of the Place de la Concorde. + +A wondrous city! Hannah pointed out the electric light of the Eiffel +Tower to her charge, and Martha put out her small hands, demanding the +toy on the spot. + +The festooned lights of the Champs Elysées swung themselves up, in +narrowing line, till they reached the pompous arch at the summit, and +among the rich trees of those Elysian fields gleamed the festive lamps +of _cafés chantants_. + +"_Si Madame désire encore quelque chose?_" The neat maid, in picturesque +white cap and apron, stood with her hand on the door of the little +bedroom, on one of the highest storeys of the _pension_. Half of one of +the long windows had been set open, and the sounds of the rolling of +vehicles over the smooth asphalte, mingled with those of voices, were +coming up, straight and importunate, into the dainty bedroom. The very +sounds seemed nearer and clearer in this keen-edged land. The bed stood +in one corner, canopied with white and blue; a thick carpet gave a sense +of luxury and deadened the tramp of footsteps; a marble mantel-piece was +surmounted by a mirror, and supported a handsome bronze clock and two +bronze ornaments. The furniture was of solid mahogany. A nameless French +odour pervaded the atmosphere, delicate, subtle, but unmistakeable. And +out of the open window, one could see a series of other lighted windows, +all of exactly the same tall graceful design, opening in the middle by +the same device and the same metal handle that had to be turned in order +to open or close the window. Within, the rooms obviously modelled +themselves on the one unvarying ideal. A few figures could be seen +coming and going, busy at work or play. Above the steep roofs, a +blue-black sky was alive with brilliant stars. + +"_Merci;_" Madame required nothing more. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII. + + "... Rushes life on a race + As the clouds the clouds chase; + And we go, + And we drop like the fruits of the tree, + Even we, + Even so." + + +Just at first, it was a sheer impossibility to do anything but bask and +bathe in the sunny present, to spend the days in wandering incredulously +through vernal Paris, over whose bursting freshness and brilliancy the +white clouds seemed to be driven, with the same joy of life. The city +was crammed; the inhabitants poured forth in swarms to enjoy, in true +French fashion, the genial warmth and the universal awakening after the +long capricious winter. It was actually hot in the sun, and fresh light +clothing became a luxury, like a bath after a journey. The year had +raised its siege, and there was sudden amity between man and Nature. +Shrivelled man could relax the tension of resistance to cold and damp +and change, and go forth into the sun with cordial _insouciance_. In +many of the faces might be read this kindly amnesty, although there were +some so set and fixed with past cares that not even the soft hand of a +Parisian spring could smooth away the lines, or even touch the spirit. + +These Hadria passed with an aching pity. Circumstance had been to them a +relentless taskmaster. Perhaps they had not rubbed the magic ring of +will, and summoned the obedient genius. Perhaps circumstance had +forbidden them even the rag wherewith to rub--or the impulse. + +Sallying forth from the _pension_, Hadria would sometimes pause, for a +moment, at the corner of the street, where it opened into the Place de +la Concorde, irresolute, because of the endless variety of possible ways +to turn, and places to visit. She seldom made definite plans the day +before, unless it were for the pleasure of changing them. The letter of +introduction to Madame Vauchelet had remained unpresented. The sense of +solitude, combined for the first time with that of freedom, was too +delightful to forego. One must have time to realize and appreciate the +sudden calm and serenity; the sudden absence of claims and obstructions +and harassing criticisms. Heavens, what a price people consented to pay +for the privilege of human ties! what hard bargains were driven in the +kingdom of the affections! Thieves, extortionists, usurers--and in the +name of all the virtues! + +"Yes, solitude has charms!" Hadria inwardly exclaimed, as she stood +watching the coming and going of people, the spouting of fountains, the +fluttering of big sycamore leaves in the Champs Elysées. + +Unhappily, the solitude made difficulties. But meanwhile there was a +large field to be explored, where these difficulties did not arise, or +could be guarded against. Her sex was a troublesome obstruction. "One +does not come of centuries of chattel-women for nothing!" she wrote to +Algitha. Society bristled with insults, conscious and unconscious. Nor +had one lived the brightest, sweetest years of one's life tethered and +impounded, without feeling the consequences when the tether was cut. +There were dreads, shrinkings, bewilderments, confusions to encounter; +the difficulties of pilotage in unknown seas, of self-knowledge, and +guidance suddenly needed in new ranges of the soul; fresh temptations, +fresh possibilities to deal with; everything untested, the alphabet of +worldly experience yet to learn. + +But all this was felt with infinitely greater force a little later, when +the period of solitude was over, and Hadria found herself in the midst +of a little society whose real codes and ideas she had gropingly to +learn. Unfamiliar (in any practical sense) with life, even in her own +country, she had no landmarks or finger-posts, of any kind, in this new +land. Her sentiment had never been narrowly British, but now she +realized her nationality over-keenly; she felt herself almost +grotesquely English, and had a sense of insular clumsiness amidst a +uprightly, dexterous people. Conscious of a thousand illusive, but very +real differences in point of view, and in nature, between the two +nations, she had a baffled impression of walking among mysteries and +novelties that she could not grasp. She began to be painfully conscious +of the effects of the narrow life that she had led, and of the +limitations that had crippled her in a thousand ways hitherto scarcely +realized. + +"One begins to learn everything too late," she wrote to Algitha. "This +ought all to have been familiar long ago. I don't know anything about +the world in which I live. I have never before caught so much as a +distant glimpse of it. And even now there are strange thick wrappings +from the past that cling tight round and hold me aloof, strive as I may +to strip off that past-made personality, and to understand, by touch, +what things are made of. I feel as if I would risk anything in order to +really know that. Why should a woman treat herself as if she were +Dresden china? She is more or less insulted and degraded whatever +happens, especially if she obeys what our generation is pleased to call +the moral law. The more I see of life, the more hideous seems the +position that women hold in relation to the social structure, and the +more sickening the current nonsense that is talked about us and our +'missions' and 'spheres.' It is so feeble, so futile, to try to ornament +an essentially degrading fact. It is such insolence to talk to us--good +heavens, to _us!_--about holiness and sacredness, when men (to whom +surely a sense of humour has been denied) divide their women into two +great classes, both of whom they insult and enslave, insisting +peremptorily on the existence of each division, but treating one class +as private and the other as public property. One might as well talk to +driven cattle in the shambles about their 'sacred mission' as to women. +It is an added mockery, a gratuitous piece of insolence." + +Having been, from childhood, more or less at issue with her +surroundings, Hadria had never fully realized their power upon her +personality. But now daily a fresh recognition of her continued +imprisonment, baffled her attempt to look at things with clear eyes. She +struggled to get round and beyond that past-fashioned self, not merely +in order to see truly, but in order to see at all. And in doing so, she +ran the risk of letting go what she might have done better to hold. She +felt painfully different from these people among whom she found herself. +Her very trick of pondering over things sent her spinning to hopeless +distances. They seemed to ponder so wholesomely little. Their +intelligence was devoted to matters of the moment; they were keen and +well-finished and accomplished. Hadria used to look at them in +astonishment. How did these quick-witted people manage to escape the +importunate inquisitive demon, the familiar spirit, who pursued her +incessantly with his queries and suggestions? He would stare up from +river and street and merry gardens; his haunting eyes looked mockingly +out of green realms of stirring foliage, and his voice was like a +sardonic echo to the happy voices of the children, laughing at their +play under the flickering shadows, of mothers discussing their cares and +interests, of men in blouses, at work by the water-side, or solemn, in +frock-coats, with pre-occupations of business and bread-winning. The +demon had his own reflections on all these seemingly ordinary matters, +and so bizarre were they at times, so startling and often so terrible, +that one found oneself shivering in full noontide, or smiling, or +thrilled with passionate pity at "the sad, strange ways of men." + +It was sweet to stretch one's cramped wings to the sun, to ruffle and +spread them, as a released bird will, but it was startling to find +already little stiff habits arisen, little creaks and hindrances never +suspected, that made flight in the high air not quite effortless and +serene. + +The Past is never past; immortal as the Gods, it lives enthroned in the +Present, and sets its limits and lays its commands. + +Cases have been known of a man blind from birth being restored to sight, +at mature age. For a time, the appearance of objects was strange and +incomprehensible. Their full meaning was not conveyed to him; they +remained riddles. He could not judge the difference between near and +far, between solid and liquid; he had no experience, dating from +childhood, of the apparent smallness of distant things, of the connexion +between the impression given to the touch by solids and their effect on +the eye. He had all these things to learn. A thousand trifling +associations, of which those with normal senses are scarcely conscious, +had to be stumblingly acquired, as a child learns to connect sound and +sight, in learning to read. + +Such were the changes of consciousness that Hadria found herself going +through; only realising each phase of the process after it was over, and +the previous confusion of vision had been itself revealed, by the newly +and often painfully acquired co-ordinating skill. + +But, as generally happens, in the course of passing from ignorance to +knowledge, the intermediate stage was chaotic. Objects loomed up large +and indistinct, as through a mist; vague forms drifted by, half +revealed, to melt away again; here and there were clear outlines and +solid impressions, to be deemed trustworthy and given a place of honour; +thence a disproportion in the general conception; it being almost beyond +human power to allow sufficiently for that which is unknown. + +For some time, however, the dominant impression on Hadria's mind was of +her own gigantic ignorance. This ignorance was far more confusing and +even misleading than it had been when its proportions were less defined. +The faint twinkle of light revealed the dusky outline, bewildering and +discouraging the imagination. Intuitive knowledge was disturbed by the +incursion of scraps of disconnected experience. This condition of mind +made her an almost insoluble psychological problem. Since she was +evidently a woman of pronounced character, her bewilderment and +tentative attitude were not allowed for. Her actions were regarded as +deliberate and cool-headed, when often they would be the outcome of +sheer confusion, or chance, or perhaps of a groping experimental effort. + +The first three weeks in Paris had been given up to enjoying the new +conditions of existence. But now practical matters claimed consideration. +The _pension_ in the Rue Boissy d'Anglas was not suitable as a permanent +abode. Rooms must be looked for, combining cheapness with a good situation, +within easy distance of the scene of Hadria's future musical studies, and +also within reach of some park or gardens for Martha's benefit. + +This ideal place of abode was at last found. It cost rather more than +Hadria had wished to spend on mere lodging, but otherwise it seemed +perfect. It was in a quiet street between the Champs Elysées and the +river. Two great thoroughfares ran, at a respectful distance, on either +side, with omnibuses always passing. Hadria could be set down within a +few minutes' walk of the School of Music, or, if she liked to give the +time, could walk the whole way to her morning's work, through some of +the most charming parts of Paris. As for Martha, she was richly provided +with playgrounds. The Bois could be quickly reached, and there were +always the Champs Elysées or the walk beneath the chestnuts by the +river, along the Cours de la Reine and the length of the quays. Even +Hannah thought the situation might do. Hadria had begun her studies at +the School of Music, and found the steady work not only a profound, +though somewhat stern enjoyment, but a solid backbone to her new +existence, giving it cohesion and form. Recreation deserved its name, +after work of this kind. Any lurking danger of too great speculative +restlessness disappeared. There had been a moment when the luxurious joy +of mere wandering observation and absorption, threatened to become +overwhelming, and to loosen some of the rivets of the character. + +But work was to the sum-total of impulse what the central weight was to +one of Martha's toys: a leaden ballast that always brought the balance +right again, however wildly the little tyrant might swing the creature +off the perpendicular. When Hadria used to come in, pleasantly tired +with her morning's occupation, and the wholesome heat of the sun, to +take her simple _déjeuner_ in the little apartment with Martha, a +frivolous five minutes would often be spent by the two in endeavouring +to overcome the rigid principles of that well-balanced plaything. But +always the dead weight at its heart frustrated their attempts. Martha +played the most inconsiderate pranks with its centre of gravity, but +quite in vain. When a little French boy from the _étage_ above was +allowed to come and play with Martha, she proceeded to experiment upon +_his_ centre of gravity in the same way, and seemed much surprised when +Jean Paul Auguste not only howled indignantly, but didn't swing up again +after he was overturned. He remained supine, and had to be reinstated by +Hadria and Hannah, and comforted with sweetmeats. Martha's logic +received one of its first checks. She evidently made up her mind that +logic was a fallacious mode of inference, and determined to abandon it +for the future. These rebuffs in infancy, Hadria conjectured, might +account for much! + +About three weeks passed in almost pure enjoyment and peace; and then it +was discovered that the cost of living, in spite of an extremely simple +diet, was such as might have provided epicurean luxuries for a family of +ten. Hadria's enquiries among her acquaintances elicited cries of +consternation. Obviously the landlady, who did the marketing, must be +cheating on a royal scale, and there was nothing for it but to move. +Hadria suggested to Madame Vauchelet, whose advice she always sought in +practical matters, that perhaps the landlady might be induced to pursue +her lucrative art in moderation; could she not put it honestly down in +the bill "Peculation--so much per week?" + +Madame Vauchelet was horrified. "Impossible!" she cried; one must seek +another apartment. If only Hannah understood French and could do the +marketing herself. But Hannah scorned the outlandish lingo, and had a +poor opinion of the nation as a whole. + +It was fatiguing and somewhat discouraging work to begin, all over +again, the quest of rooms, especially with the difficulty about the +landlady always in view, and no means of ascertaining her scale of +absorption. It really seemed a pity that it could not be mentioned as +an extra, like coal and lights. Then one would know what one was about. +This uncertain liability, with an extremely limited income, which was +likely to prove insufficient unless some addition could be made to it, +was trying to the nerves. + +In order to avoid too great anxiety, Hadria had to make up her mind to a +less attractive suite of rooms, farther out of town, and she found it +desirable to order many of the comestibles herself. Madame Vauchelet was +untiring in her efforts to help and advise. She initiated Hadria into +the picturesque mysteries of Parisian housekeeping. It was amusing to go +to the shops and markets with this shrewd Frenchwoman, and very +enlightening as to the method of living cheaply and well. Hadria began +to think wistfully of a more permanent _ménage_ in this entrancing +capital, where there were still worlds within worlds to explore. She +questioned Madame Vauchelet as to the probable cost of a _femme de +ménage_. Madame quickly ran through some calculations and pronounced a +sum alluringly small. Since the landlady difficulty was so serious, and +made personal superintendence necessary, it seemed as if one might as +well have the greater comfort and independence of this more home-like +arrangement. + +Madame Vauchelet recommended an excellent woman who would cook and +market, and, with Hannah's help, easily do all that was necessary. After +many calculations and consultations with Madame Vauchelet, Hadria +finally decided to rent, for three months, a cheerful little suite of +rooms near the Arc de Triomphe. + +Madame Vauchelet drank a cup of tea in the little _salon_ with quiet +heroism, not liking to refuse Hadria's offer of the friendly beverage. +But she wondered at the powerful physique of the nation that could +submit to the trial daily. + +Hadria was brimming over with pleasure in her new home, which breathed +Paris from every pore. She had already surrounded herself with odds and +ends of her own, with books and a few flowers. If only this venture +turned out well, how delightful would be the next few months. Hadria did +not clearly look beyond that time. To her, it seemed like a century. Her +only idea as to the farther future was an abstract resolve to let +nothing short of absolute compulsion persuade her to renounce her +freedom, or subject herself to conditions that made the pursuit of her +art impossible. How to carry out the resolve, in fact and detail, was a +matter to consider when the time came. If one were to consider future +difficulties as well as deal with immediate ones, into what crannies and +interstices were the affairs of the moment to be crammed? + +There has probably never been a human experience of even a few months of +perfect happiness, of perfect satisfaction with conditions, even among +the few men and women who know how to appreciate the bounty of Fate, +when she is generous, and to take the sting out of minor annoyances by +treating them lightly. Hadria was ready to shrug her shoulders at +legions of these, so long as the main current of her purpose were not +diverted. But she could not steel herself against the letters that she +received from England. + +Everyone was deeply injured but bravely bearing up. Her family was a +stricken and sorrowing family. Being naturally heroic, it said little +but thought the more. Relations whose names Hadria scarcely remembered, +seemed to have waked up at the news of her departure and claimed their +share of the woe. Obscure Temperleys raised astounded heads and +mourned. Henriette wrote that she was really annoyed at the way in which +everybody was talking about Hadria's conduct. It was most uncomfortable. +She hoped Hadria was able to be happy. Hubert was ready to forgive her +and to receive her back, in spite of everything. Henriette entreated her +to return; for her own sake, for Hubert's sake, for the children's. They +were just going off to school, poor little boys. Henriette, although so +happy at the Red House, was terribly grieved at this sad misunderstanding. +It seemed so strange, so distressing. Henriette had thoroughly enjoyed +looking after dear Hubert and the sweet children. They were in splendid +health. She had been very particular about hygiene. Hubert and she had +seen a good deal of the Engletons lately. How charming Lady Engleton was! +So much tact. She was advanced in her ideas, only she never allowed them +to be intrusive. She seemed just like everybody else. She hated to make +herself conspicuous; the very ideal of a true lady, if one might use the +much-abused word. Professor Fortescue was reported to be still far from +well. Professor Theobald had not taken the Priory after all. It was too +large. It looked so deserted and melancholy now. + +Henriette always finished her letters with an entreaty to Hadria to +return. People were talking so. They suspected the truth; although, of +course, one had hoped that the separation would be supposed to be +temporary--as indeed Henriette trusted it would prove. + +Madame Bertaux, who had just returned from England to her beloved Paris, +reported to Hadria, when she called on the latter in her new abode, that +everyone was talking about the affair with as much eagerness as if the +fate of the empire had depended on it. Madame Bertaux recommended +indifference and silence. She observed, in her sharp, good-natured, +impatient way, that reforming confirmed drunkards, converting the +heathen, making saints out of sinners, or a silk purse out of a sow's +ear, would be mere child's play compared with the task of teaching the +average idiot to mind his own business. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV. + + +The new _ménage_ went well. Therése was a treasure, and Martha's willing +slave. Expenses were kept fairly reasonable by her care and knowledge. +Still it must not be forgotten that the little income needed supplementing. +Hadria had been aware of this risk from the first, but had faced it, +regarding it as the less perilous of the alternatives that she had to +choose between. The income was small, but it was her own absolutely, and +she must live on that, with such auxiliary sums as she could earn. She +hoped to be able to make a little money by her compositions. The future +was all vague and unknown, but one thing was at least certain: it cost +money to live, and in some way or other it had to be made. She told her +kind friend, Madame Vauchelet, of her plan. Madame Vauchelet consulted her +musical friends. People were sympathetic, but rather vague in their advice. +It was always difficult, this affair. The beginning was hard. M. Thillard, +a kindly, highly-cultivated man of about sixty, who had heard Hadria play, +took great interest in her talent, and busied himself on her behalf. + +He said he would like to interest the great Jouffroy in this work. It +had so distinct and remarkable an individuality that M. Thillard was +sure Jouffroy would be enchanted with it. For himself, he held that it +shewed a development of musical form and expression extremely +remarkable. He could not quite understand it. There was, he knew not +what, in it, of strange and powerful; a music of the North; something of +bizarre, something of mysterious, even of terrible, "_une emotion +épouvantable_," cried M. Thillard, working himself to a climax as the +theme inspired him, "There is genius in that work, but certainly +genius." Madame Vauchelet nodded gravely at this pronouncement. It ought +to be published, she said. But this supreme recompense of genius was +apparently hard to achieve. The score was sent from publisher to +publisher: "from pillar to post," said Hadria, "if one might venture on +a phrase liable to misconstruction on the lips of disappointed +ambition." + +But at the end of a long and wearisome delay, the little packet was +returned in a tattered condition to its discouraged author. M. Thillard +made light of this. It was always thus at first. One must have patience. + +"One must live," said Hadria, "or at least such is the prejudice under +which one has been brought up." + +"All will come," said M. Thillard. "You will see." + +On one sunny afternoon, when Hadria had returned, thrilled and inspired +by a magnificent orchestral performance at the Châtelet, she found +Madame Vauchelet, M. Thillard, and the great Jouffroy waiting in her +_salon_. Jouffroy was small, eccentric, fiery, with keen eager eyes, +thick black hair, and overhanging brows. M. Thillard reminded Madame +Temperley of her kind permission to present to her M. Jouffroy. Madame +Temperley was charmed and flattered by Monsieur's visit. + +It was an exciting afternoon. Madame Vauchelet was eager to hear the +opinion of the great man, and anxious for Hadria to make a good +impression. + +The warm-hearted Frenchwoman, who had lost a daughter, of whom Hadria +reminded her, had been untiring in her kindness, from the first. Madame +Vauchelet, in her young days, had cherished a similar musical ambition, +and Jouffroy always asserted that she might have done great things, as a +performer, had not the cares of a family put an end to all hope of +bringing her gifts to fruition. + +The piano was opened. Jouffroy played. Madame Vauchelet, with her large +veil thrown back, her black cashmere folds falling around her, sat in +the large arm-chair, a dignified and graceful figure, listening gravely. +The kindly, refined face of M. Thillard beamed with enjoyment; an +occasional cry of admiration escaping his lips, at some exquisite touch +from the master. + +The time slipped by, with bewildering rapidity. + +Monsieur Thillard asked if they might be allowed to hear some of +Madame's compositions--those which she had already been so amiable as to +play to him. + +Jouffroy settled himself to listen; his shaggy eyebrows lowering over +his eyes, not in severity but in fixity of attention. Hadria trembled +for a moment, as her hands touched the keys. Jouffroy gave a nod of +satisfaction. If there had been no such quiver of nerves he would have +doubted. So he said afterwards to M. Thillard and Madame Vauchelet. + +After listening, for a time, without moving a muscle, he suddenly sat +bolt upright and looked round at the player. The character of the music, +always individual, had grown more marked, and at this point an effect +was produced which appeared to startle the musician. He withdrew his +gaze, after a moment, muttering something to himself, and resumed his +former attitude, slowly and gravely nodding his head. There was a long +silence after the last of the lingering, questioning notes had died +away. + +"Is Madame prepared for work, for hard, faithful work?" + +The answer was affirmative. She was only too glad to have the chance to +work. + +"Has Madame inexhaustible patience?" + +"In this cause--yes." + +"And can she bear to be misunderstood; to be derided for departure from +old rules and conventions; to have her work despised and refused, and +again refused, till at last the dull ears shall be opened and all the +stupid world shall run shouting to her feet?" + +The colour rushed into Hadria's cheeks. "_Voila!_" exclaimed Madame +Vauchelet. M. Thillard beamed with satisfaction. "Did I not tell you?" + +Jouffroy clapped his friend on the back with enthusiasm. "_Il faut +travailler_," he said, "_mais travailler!_" He questioned Hadria +minutely as to her course of study, approved it on the whole, suggesting +alterations and additions. He asked to look through some more of her +work. + +"_Mon Dieu_," he ejaculated, as his quick eye ran over page after page. + +"If Madame has a character as strong as her genius, her name will one +day be on the lips of all the world." He looked at her searchingly. + +"I knew it!" exclaimed M. Thillard. "_Madame, je vous félicite._" + +"Ah!" cried Jouffroy, with a shake of his black shaggy head, "this is +not a fate to be envied. _C'est dur!_" + +"I am bewildered!" cried Hadria at last, in a voice that seemed to her +to come from somewhere a long way off. The whole scene had acquired the +character of a dream. The figures moved through miles of clear distance. +Her impressions were chaotic. While a strange, deep confirmation of the +musician's words, seemed to stir within her as if they had long been +familiar, her mind entirely refused credence. + +He had gone too far. Had he said a remarkable talent, but---- + +Yet was it not, after all, possible? Nature scattered her gifts wildly +and cruelly: cruelly, because she cared not into what cramped nooks and +crannies she poured her maddening explosive: cruelly, because she hurled +this fire from heaven with indiscriminate hand, to set alight one dared +not guess how many chained martyrs at their stakes. Nature did not pick +and choose the subjects of her wilful ministrations. She seemed to +scatter at random, out of sheer _gaieté de coeur_, as Jouffroy had said, +and if some golden grain chanced to be gleaming in this soul or that, +what cause for astonishment? The rest might be the worst of dross. As +well might the chance occur to one of Nature's children as to another. +She did not bestow even one golden grain for nothing, _bien sûr_; she +meant to be paid back with interest. Just one bright bead of the whole +vast circlet of the truth: perhaps it was hers, but more likely that +these kind friends had been misled by their sympathy. + +M. Jouffroy came next day to have a long talk with Hadria about her work +and her methods. He was absolutely confident of what he had said, but he +was emphatic regarding the necessity for work; steady, uninterrupted +work. Everything must be subservient to the one aim. If she contemplated +anything short of complete dedication to her art--well (he shrugged his +shoulders), it would be better to amuse herself. There could be no +half-measures with art. True, there were thousands of people who +practised a little of this and a little of that, but Art would endure no +such disrespect. It was the affair of a lifetime. He had known many +women with great talent, but, alas! they had not persistence. Only last +year a charming, beautiful young woman, with--_mon Dieu!_--a talent that +might have placed her on the topmost rank of singers, had married +against the fervent entreaties of Jouffroy, and now--he shrugged his +shoulders with a gesture of pitying contempt--"_elle est mère tout +simplement_." Her force had gone from herself into the plump infant, +whose "_cris dechirants_" were all that now remained to the world of his +mother's once magnificent voice. _Hélas!_ how many brilliant careers had +he not seen ruined by this fatal instinct! Jouffroy's passion for his +art had overcome the usual sentiment of the Frenchman, and even the +strain of Jewish blood. He did not think a woman of genius well lost for +a child. He grudged her to the fetish _la famille_. He went so far as to +say that, even without the claims of genius, a woman ought to be +permitted to please herself in the matter. When he heard that Madame had +two children, and yet had not abandoned her ambition, he nodded gravely +and significantly. + +"But Madame has courage," he commented. "She must have braved much +censure." + +It was the first case of the kind that had come under his notice. He +hoped much from it. His opinion of the sex would depend on Hadria's +power of persistence. In consequence of numberless pupils who had shewn +great promise, and then had satisfied themselves with "a stupid +maternity," Jouffroy was inclined to regard women with contempt, not as +regards their talent, which he declared was often astonishing, but as +regards their persistency of character and purpose. + +One could not rely on them. They had enthusiasm--Oh, but enthusiasm _à +faire peur_, but presently "_un monsieur avec des moustaches +seduisantes_" approaches, and then "_Phui, c'est tout fini!_" There was +something of fatality in the affair. The instinct was terrible; a +demoniacal possession. It was for women a veritable curse, a disease. M. +Jouffroy had pronounced views on the subject. He regarded the maternal +instinct as the scourge of genius. It was, for women, the devil's +truncheon, his rod of empire. This "reproductive rage" held them--in +spite of all their fine intuitions and astonishing ability--after all on +the animal plane; cut them off from the little band of those who could +break up new ground in human knowledge, and explore new heights of Art +and Nature. + +"I speak to you thus, Madame, not because I think little of your sex, +but because I grudge them to the monster who will not spare us even +one!" + +Hadria worked with sufficient energy to please even Jouffroy. Her heart +was in it, and her progress rapid. Everything was organized, in her +life, for the one object. At the School of Music, she was in an +atmosphere of work, everyone being bent on the same goal, each detail +arranged to further the students in their efforts. It was like walking +on a pavement after struggling uphill on loose sand; like breathing +sea-breezes after inhaling a polluted atmosphere. + +In old days, Hadria used to be haunted by a singular recurrent +nightmare: that she was toiling up a steep mountain made of hard +slippery rock, the summit always receding as she advanced. Behind her +was a vast precipice down which she must fall if she lost her footing; +and always, she saw hands without bodies attached to them placing stones +in the path, so that they rolled down and had to be evaded at the peril +of her life. And each time, after one set of stones was evaded, and she +thought there would be a time of respite, another batch was set rolling, +amid thin, scarcely audible laughter, which came on the storm-wind that +blew precipice-wards across the mountain; and invariably she awoke just +as a final avalanche of cruel stones had sent her reeling over the +hideous verge. + +One is disposed to make light of the sufferings gone through in a dream, +though it would trouble most of us to explain why, since the agony of +mind is often as extreme as possibly could be endured in actual life. +From the day of her arrival in Paris, Hadria was never again tormented +with this nightmare. + +Composition went on rapidly now. Soon there was a little pile of new +work for M. Jouffroy's inspection. He was delighted, criticizing +severely, but always encouraging to fresh efforts. As for the +publishing, that was a different matter. In spite of M. Jouffroy's +recommendation, publishers could not venture on anything of a character +so unpopular. The music had merit, but it was eccentric. M. Jouffroy was +angry. He declared that he would play something of Madame's at the next +Châtelet concert. There would be opposition, but he would carry his +point. And he did. But the audience received it very coldly. Although +Hadria had expected such a reception, she felt a chill run through her, +and a sinking of the heart. It was like a cold word that rebuffs an +offer of sympathy, or an appeal for it. It sent her back into depths of +loneliness, and reminded her how cut off she was from the great majority +of her fellows, after all. And then Guy de Maupassant's dreadful +"Solitude" came to her memory. There is no way (the hero of the sketch +asserts) by which a man can break the eternal loneliness to which he is +foredoomed. He cannot convey to others his real impressions or emotion, +try as he may. By a series of assertions, hard to deny, the hero arrives +at a terrible conclusion amounting to this: Art, affection, are in +vain; we know not what we say, nor whom we love. + +Jouffroy came out of the theatre, snorting and ruffled. + +"But they are imbeciles, all!" + +Hadria thought that perhaps _she_ was the "imbecile"; it was a +possibility to be counted with, but she dared not say so to the irate +Jouffroy. + +He was particularly angry, because the audience had confirmed his own +fear that only very slowly would the quality of the music be recognized +by even the more cultivated public. It had invaded fresh territory, he +said, added to the range of expression, and was meanwhile a new language +to casual listeners. It was rebel music, offensive to the orthodox. +Hubert had always said that "it was out of the question," and he +appeared to have been right. + +"_Bah, ce ne sont que des moutons!_" exclaimed Jouffroy. If the work had +been poorer, less original, there would not have been this trouble. Was +there not some other method by which Madame could earn what was +necessary, _en attendent_? + +In one of Professor Fortescue's letters, he had reminded Hadria of his +eagerness to help her. Yet, what could he do? He had influence in the +world of science, but Hadria could not produce anything scientific! She +bethought her of trying to write light descriptive articles, of a kind +depending not so much on literary skill as on subject and epistolary +freshness of touch. These she sent to the Professor, not without +reluctance, knowing how overburdened he already was with work and with +applications for help and advice. He approved of her idea, and advised +the articles being sent the round of the magazines and papers. + +Through his influence, one of the shorter articles was accepted, and +Hadria felt encouraged. Her day was now very full. The new art was +laborious, severely simple in character, though she studiously made her +articles. Her acquaintances had multiplied very rapidly of late, and +although this brought into her experience much that was pleasant and +interesting, the demands of an enlarging circle swallowed an +astonishing number of hours. An element of trouble had begun to come +into the life that had been so full of serenity, as well as of regular +and strenuous work. Hadria was already feeling the effects of anxiety +and hurry. She had not come with untried powers to the fray. The reserve +forces had long ago been sapped, in the early struggles, beginning in +her girlhood and continuing at increasing pressure ever since. There was +only enough nerve-force to enable one to live from hand to mouth. +Expenditure of this force having been so often in excess of income, +economy had become imperative. Yet, economy was difficult. M. Jouffroy +was always spurring her to work, to throw over everything for this +object; letters from England incessantly urged a very different course; +friends in Paris pressed her to visit them, to accompany them hither and +thither, to join musical parties, to compose little songs (some +bagatelle in celebration of a birthday or wedding), to drive to the +further end of the town to play to this person or that who had heard of +Madame's great talent. Hadria was glad to do anything she could to +express her gratitude for the kindness she had received on all hands, +but, alas! there were only a certain number of hours in the day, and +only a certain number of years in one's life, and art was long. +Moreover, nerves were awkward things to play with. + +Insidiously, treacherously, difficulties crept up. Even here, where she +seemed so free, the peculiar claims that are made, by common consent, on +a woman's time and strength began to weave their tiny cords around her. +She took warning, and put an end to any voluntary increase of her +circle, but the step had been taken a little too late. The mischief was +done. To give pain or offence for the sake of an hour or two, more or +less, seemed cruel and selfish, yet Hadria often longed for the +privilege that every man enjoys, of quietly pursuing his work without +giving either. + +A disastrous sense of hurry and fatigue began to oppress her. This was +becoming serious. She must make a stand. Yet her attempts at +explanation were generally taken as polite excuses for neglecting those +who had been kind and cordial. + +Jouffroy taxed her with looking tired. One must not be tired. One must +arrange the time so as to secure ample rest and recreation after the +real work was over. Women were so foolish in that way. They did +everything feverishly. They imagined themselves to have inexhaustible +nerves. + +Hadria hinted that it was perhaps others who demanded of them what was +possible only to inexhaustible nerves. + +True; towards women, people behaved as idiots. How was it possible to +produce one's best, if repose were lacking? Serenity was necessary for +all production. + +As well expect water perpetually agitated to freeze, as expect the +crystals of the mind to produce themselves under the influence of +incessant disturbance. + +Work? Yes. Work never harmed any man or woman. It was harassment that +killed. Work of the mind, of the artistic powers, that was a tonic to +the whole being. But little distractions, irregular duties, worries, +uncertainties--Jouffroy shook his head ominously. And not only to the +artist were they fatal. It was these that drew such deep lines on the +faces of women still young. It was these that destroyed ability and +hope, and killed God only knew how many of His good gifts! Poverty: that +could be endured with all its difficulties, if that were the one +anxiety. It was never the _one_ but the multitude of troubles that +destroyed. Serenity there must be. A man knew that, and insisted on +having it. Friends were no true friends if they robbed one of it. For +him, he had a poor opinion of that which people called affection, +regard. As for _l'amour_, that was the supreme egotism. The affections +were simply a means to "make oneself paid." Affection! Bah! One did not +offer it for nothing, _bien sûr_! It was through this insufferable +pretext that one arrived at governing others. "_Comment?_ Your presence +can give me happiness, and you will not remain always beside me? It is +nothing to you how I suffer? To me whom you love you refuse this small +demand?" Jouffroy opened his eyes, with a scornful glare. "It is in +_that_ fashion, I promise you, that one can rule!" + +"Ah, monsieur," said Hadria, "you are a keen observer. How I wish you +could live a woman's life for a short time. You are wise now, but after +_that_----" + +"Madame, I have sinned in my day, perhaps to merit purgatorial fires; +but, without false modesty, I do not think that I have justly incurred +the penalty you propose to me." + +Hadria laughed. "It would be a strange piece of poetic justice," she +said, "if all the men who have sinned beyond forgiveness in this +incarnation, should be doomed to appear in the next, as well-brought-up +women." + +Jouffroy smiled. + +"Fancy some conquering hero reappearing in ringlets and mittens, as +one's maiden aunt." + +Jouffroy grinned. "_Ce serait dur!_" + +"_Ah, mon Dieu!_" cried Madame Vauchelet, "if men had to endure in the +next world that which they have made women suffer in this--that would be +an atrocious justice!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV. + + +Stubbornly Hadria sent her packets to the publishers; the publishers as +firmly returned them. She had two sets flying now, like tennis balls, +she wrote to Miss Du Prel: one set across the Channel. The publishers, +she feared, played the best game, but she had the English quality of not +knowing when she was beaten. Valeria had succeeded in finding a place +for two of the articles. This was encouraging, but funds were running +alarmingly low. + +The _apartement_ would have either to be given up, or to be taken on for +another term, at the end of the week. A decision must be made. Hadria +was dismayed to find her strength beginning to fail. That made the +thought of the future alarming. With health and vigour nothing seemed +impossible, but without that---- + +It seemed absurd that there should be so much difficulty about earning a +living. Other women had done it. Valeria had always made light of the +matter--when she had the theory of the sovereignty of the will to +support. + +Another couple of articles which seemed to their creator to possess +popular qualities were sent off. + +But after a weary delay, they shared the fate of their predecessors. +Hadria now moved into a smaller suite of rooms, parting regretfully with +Therése, and flinging herself once more on the mercy of a landlady. This +time M. Thillard had discovered the lodging for her; a shabby, but sunny +little house, kept by a motherly woman with a reputation for perfect +honesty. Expenses were thus kept down, but unhappily very little was +coming in to meet them. It was impossible to pull through the year at +this rate. But, of course, there was daily hope of something turning up. +The arrival of the post was always an exciting moment. At last Hadria +wrote to ask Algitha to try and sell for her a spray of diamonds, worth +about eighty pounds. + +Time must be gained, at all hazards. Algitha tried everywhere, and +enquired in all directions, but could not get more than five-and-twenty +pounds for it. She felt anxious about her sister, and thought of coming +over to Paris to see her, in order to talk over some matters that could +no longer be kept out of sight. + +Algitha had wished to give Hadria an opportunity for work and rest, and +to avoid recurrence of worry; but it was no longer possible or fair to +conceal the fact that there were troubles looming ahead, at Dunaghee. +Their father had suffered several severe losses through some bank +failures; and now that wretched company in which he had always had such +faith appeared to be shaky, and if that were also to smash, the state of +affairs would be desperate. Their father, in his optimistic fashion, +still believed that the company would pull through. Of course all this +anxiety was telling seriously on their mother. And, alas! she had been +fretting very much about Hadria. After Algitha's misdeed, this second +blow struck hard. + +One must act on one's own convictions and not on those of somebody else, +however beloved that other person might be, but truly the penalty of +daring to take an independent line of action was almost unbearably +severe. It really seemed, at times, as if there were nothing for it but +to fold one's hands and do exactly as one was bid. Algitha was beginning +to wonder whether her own revolt was about to be expiated by a life-long +remorse! + +"Ah, if mother had only not sacrificed herself for us, how infinitely +grateful I should feel to her now! What sympathy there might have been +between us all! If she had but given herself a chance, how she might +have helped us, and what a friend she might have been to us, and we to +her! But she would not." + +Algitha said that her mother evidently felt Hadria's departure as a +disgrace to the family. It was pathetic to hear her trying to answer +people's casual questions about her, so as to conceal the facts without +telling an untruth. Hadria was overwhelmed by this letter. Her first +impulse was to pack up and go straight to Dunaghee. But as Algitha was +there now, this seemed useless, at any rate for the present. And ought +she after all to abandon her project, for which so much had been risked, +so much pain inflicted? The question that she and Algitha thought they +had decided long ago, began to beat again at the door of her conscience +and her pity. Her reason still asserted that the suffering which people +entail upon themselves, through a frustrated desire to force their own +law of conduct on others, must be borne by themselves, as the penalty of +their own tyrannous instinct and of their own narrow thought. It was +utterly unfair to thrust that natural penalty of prejudice and of +self-neglect on to the shoulders of others. Why should they be protected +from the appointed punishment, by the offering of another life on the +altar of their prejudice? Why should such a sacrifice be made in order +to gratify their tyrannical desire to dictate? It was not fair, it was +not reasonable. + +Yet this conclusion of the intellect did not prevent the pain of pity +and compunction, nor an inconsequent sense of guilt. + +Meanwhile it would be best, perhaps, to await Algitha's arrival, when +affairs might be in a less uncertain state. All decision must be +postponed till then. "Try and come soon," she wrote to her sister. + +To add to the anxieties of the moment, little Martha seemed to lose in +energy since coming to the new abode, and Hadria began to fear that the +house was not quite healthy. It was very cheap, and the landlady was +honest, but if it had this serious drawback, another move, with probably +another drawback, seemed to threaten. This was particularly troublesome, +for who could tell how long it would be possible to remain in Paris? +Hadria thought of the doctrine of the sovereignty of the will, and of +all the grand and noble things that the Preposterous Society had said +about it, not to mention Emerson and others--and she smiled. + +However, she worked on, putting aside her anxieties, as far as was +possible. She would not fail for lack of will, at any rate. But it was a +hard struggle. Martha had to be very carefully watched just now. + +Happily, after a few anxious days, she began to recover her fresh colour +and her high spirits. The move would not be necessary, after all. Hadria +had become more and more attached to the child, whose lovable qualities +developed with her growth. She was becoming singularly like her unhappy +mother, in feature and in colouring. Her eyes were large and blue and +sweet, with a little touch of pathos in them that Hadria could not bear +to see. It seemed almost like the after-glow of the mother's suffering. + +Although adding to Hadria's anxieties, the child gave a sense of +freshness and youth to the little _ménage_. She made the anxieties +easier to bear. + +Hadria came in, one morning, from her work, tired and full of +foreboding. Hat and cloak were laid aside, and she sank into an +arm-chair, lying back to lazily watch the efforts of the child to +overturn the obstinate blue man, who was still the favourite plaything, +perhaps because he was less amenable than the rest. + +Martha looked up for sympathy. She wished to be helped in her persistent +efforts to get the better of this upstart blue man with the red cap, who +serenely resumed his erect position just as often as he was forced to +the ground. He was a stout, healthy-looking person, inclining to +_embonpoint_; bound to succeed, if only from sheer solidity of person. +Hadria was drawn into the game, and the two spent a good half hour on +the rug together, playing with that and other toys which Martha toddled +off to the cupboard to collect. The child was in great delight. Hadria +was playing with her; she liked that better than having Jean Paul +Auguste to play with. He took her toys away and always wanted to play a +different game. + +The clock struck two. Hadria felt that she ought to go and see Madame +Vauchelet; it was more than a week since she had called, and the kind +old friend was always gently pained at an absence of that length. + +Then there was an article to finish, and she ought really to write to +Dunaghee and Henriette and--well the rest must wait. Several other calls +were also more than due, but it was useless even to consider those +to-day. In spite of an oppressive sense of having much to do--perhaps +_because_ of it--Hadria felt as if it were a sheer impossibility to rise +from that hearthrug. Besides, Martha would not hear of it. A desire to +rest, to idle, to float down the stream, instead of trying always to +swim against it, became overpowering. The minutes passed away. + +"The question is, Martha," Hadria said gravely, as she proceeded to pile +up a towering edifice of bricks, at the child's command, "the question +is: Are we going to stick to our plan, or are we going to be beaten? Oh, +take care, don't pull down the fairy palace! That is a bad trick that +little fingers have. No, no, I must have my fairy palace; I won't have +it pulled down. It is getting so fine, too; minarets and towers, and +domes and pinnacles, all mixed beautifully. Such an architecture as you +never saw! But some day perhaps you will see it. Those blue eyes look as +if they were made for seeing it, in the time to come." + +"Pretty eyes!" said Martha with frank vanity, and then: "Pretty house!" + +"It is indeed a pretty house; they all are. But they are so horribly +shaky. The minarets are top-heavy, I fear. That's the fault of the +makers of these bricks. They ought to make the solid ones in proper +proportion. But they can't be persuaded." + +"Knock it down," said Martha, thrusting forth a mischievous hand, which +was caught in time to prevent entire destruction of the precious +edifice. Half the minarets had fallen. + +"They must go up again," said Hadria. "How cruel to spoil all the work +and all the beauty." But Martha laughed with the delight of easy +conquest. + +She watched with great interest the reconstruction, and seemed anxious +that every detail should be finished and worthy her iconoclasm. Having +satisfied herself that her strength would not be wasted on an incomplete +object, she made a second attempt to lay the palace low. Again she was +frustrated. The building had soared, by this time, to an ambitious +height, and its splendour had reached the limits of the materials at +command. The final pinnacle which was required to cope the structure had +been mislaid. Hadria was searching for it, when Martha, seizing her +chance, struck the palace a blow in its very heart, and in an instant, +the whole was a wreck. + +"Oh, if that is to be the way of it, why should I build?" asked Hadria. + +Martha gave the command for another ornamental object which she might +destroy. + +"One would suppose you were a County-Council," Hadria exclaimed, "or the +practical man. No, you shall have no more beauty to annihilate, little +Vandal." + +Martha, however, was now engaged in dissecting a doll, and presently a +stream of sawdust from its chest announced that she had accomplished her +dearest desire. She had found out what was inside that human effigy. + +"I wish I could get at the sawdust that _I_ am stuffed with," Hadria +thought dreamily, as she watched the doll grow flabbier. "It is +wonderful how little one does know one's own sawdust. It would be +convenient to feel a little surer just now, for evidently I shall need +it all very soon. And I feel somewhat like that doll, with the stream +pouring out and the body getting limp." + +She rose at last, and went to the window. The radiance of sun and green +trees and the stir of human life; the rumble of omnibuses and the sound +of wheels; the suggestion to the imagination of the river just a little +way off, and the merry little _bateaux-mouches_--it was too much. Hadria +rang for Hannah; asked her to take the child for a walk in the Bois, +stooped down to kiss the little upturned face, and went off. + +In another ten minutes she was on board one of the steamboats, on her +way up the river. + +She had no idea whither she was going; she would leave that to chance. +She only desired to feel the air and the sun and have an opportunity to +think. She soothed her uneasiness at the thought of Madame Vauchelet's +disappointment by promising herself to call to-morrow. She sat watching +the boats and the water and the gay banks of the river with a sense of +relief, and a curious sort of fatalism, partly suggested perhaps, by the +persistent movement of the boat, and the interminable succession of new +scenes, all bubbling with human life, full of the traces of past events. +One layer of consciousness was busily engaged in thinking out the +practical considerations of the moment, another was equally busy with +the objective and picturesque world of the river side. If the two or +more threads of thought were not actually followed at the same instant, +the alternation was so rapid as not to be perceived. What was to be +done? How was the situation to be met, if the worst came to the worst? +Ah! what far harder contests had gone on in these dwellings that one +passed by the hundred. What lives of sordid toil had been struggled +through, in the effort to earn the privilege of continuing to toil! + +Hadria was inspired by keen curiosity concerning these homes and +gardens, and the whole panorama that opened before her, as the little +steamer puffed up the river. She longed to penetrate below the surface +and decipher the strange palimpsest of human life. What scenes, what +tragedies, what comedies, those bright houses and demure little villas +concealed. It was not exactly consoling to remember how small her own +immediate difficulties were in comparison to those of others, but it +seemed to help her to face them. She would not be discouraged. She had +her liberty, and that had to be paid for. Surely patience would prevail +in the end. She had learnt so much since she left home; among other +things, the habit of facing practical difficulties without that dismay +which carefully-nurtured women inevitably feel on their first movement +out of shelter. Yes, she had learnt much, surprisingly much, in the +short time. Her new knowledge contained perhaps rather dangerous +elements, for she had begun to realize her own power, not only as an +artist, but as a woman. In this direction, had she so chosen.... Her +thoughts were arrested at this point, with a wrench. She felt the +temptation assail her, as of late it had been assailing her faintly, to +explore this territory. + +But no, that was preposterous. + +It was certainly not that she regarded herself as accountable, in this +matter, to any one but herself; it was not that she acknowledged the +suzerainty of her husband. A mere legal claim meant nothing to her, and +he knew it. But there were moral perils of no light kind to be guarded +against; the danger such as a gambler runs, of being drawn away from the +real objects of life, of losing hold of one's main purpose, to say +nothing of the probable moral degeneration that would result from such +experiment. Yet there was no blinking the fact that the desire had been +growing in Hadria to test her powers of attraction to the utmost, so as +to discover exactly their range and calibre. She felt rather as a boy +might feel who had come upon a cask of gunpowder, and longed to set a +match to it, just to see exactly how high it would blow off the roof. +She had kept the growing instincts at bay, being determined that nothing +avoidable should come between her and her purpose. And then--well +considering in what light most men, in their hearts, regarded women--if +one might judge from their laws and their conduct and their literature, +and the society that they had organized--admiration from this sex was a +thing scarcely to be endured. Yet superficially, it was gratifying. + +Why it should be so, was difficult to say, since it scarcely imposed +upon one's very vanity. Yet it was easy enough to understand how women +who had no very dominant interest in life, might come to have a thirst +for masculine homage and for power over men till it became like the +gambler's passion for play; and surely it had something in it of the +same character. + +The steamer was stopping now at St. Cloud. Yielding to an impulse, +Hadria alighted at the landing-stage and walked on through the little +town towards the palace. + +The sun was deliciously hot; its rays struck through to the skin, and +seemed to pour in life and well-being. The wayfarer stood looking up the +steep green avenue, resting for a moment, before she began the ascent. +At the top of the hill she paused again to look out over Paris, which +lay spread far and wide beneath her, glittering and brilliant; the +Eiffel Tower rising above domes and spires, in solitary inconsequence. +It seemed to her as if she were looking upon the world and upon life, +for the last time. A few weeks hence, would she be able to stand there +and see the gay city at her feet? She plunged back along one of the +converging avenues, yielding to the fascination of green alleys leading +one knows not whither. Wandering on for some time, she finally drifted +down hill again, towards the stately little garden near the palace. She +was surprised by a hurrying step behind her, and Jouffroy's voice in her +ear. She was about to greet him in her usual fashion, when he stopped +her by plunging head foremost into a startling tirade--about her art, +and her country, and her genius, and his despair; and finally his +resolve that she should not belong to the accursed list of women who +gave up their art for "_la famille_." + +The more Hadria tried to discover what had happened and what he meant, +the faster he spoke and the more wildly he gesticulated. + +He had seen how she was drifting away from her work and becoming +entangled in little affairs of no importance, and he would not permit +it. He cared not what her circumstances might be; she had a great talent +that she had no right to sacrifice to any circumstances whatever. He +had come to save her. Not finding her at her _apartement_, he had +concluded that she had taken refuge at her beloved St. Cloud. _Mon +Dieu!_ was he to allow her to be taken away from her work, dragged back +to a narrow circle, crushed, broken, ruined--she who could give such a +sublime gift to her century--but it was impossible! It would tear his +heart. He would not permit it; she must promise him not to allow herself +to be persuaded to abandon her purpose, no matter on what pretext they +tried to lure her. Hadria, in vain, enquired the cause of this sudden +excitement. Jouffroy only repeated his exhortations. Why did she not cut +herself entirely adrift from her country, her ties? + +"They are to you, Madame, an oppression, a weariness, a----" + +"M. Jouffroy, I have never spoken to you about these things. I cannot +see how you are in a position to judge." + +"Ah, but I know. Have I not heard _cette chère Madame Bertaux_ describe +the life of an English village? And have I not seen----?" + +"Seen what?" + +"_Cette dame._ I have seen her at your apartment this afternoon. Do not +annihilate me, Madame; I mean not to offend you. The lady has come from +England on purpose to entrap you; she came last night, and she stays at +the Hotel du Louvre. She spoke to me of you." Jouffroy raised his hands +to heaven. "Ha! then I understood, and I fled hither to save you." + +"Tell me, tell me quickly, Monsieur, has she fair hair and large grey +eyes. Is she tall?" + +No, the lady was small, with dark hair, and brown, clever eyes. + +"A lady, elegant, well-dressed, but, ah! a woman to destroy the soul of +an artist merely by her presence. I told her that you had decided to +remain in France, to adopt it as your country, for it was the country of +your soul!" + +"Good heavens!" exclaimed Hadria, unable to repress a little burst of +laughter, in spite of her disappointment and foreboding. + +"I told her that your friends would not let you go back to England, to +the land of fogs, the land of the _bourgeois_. The lady seemed +astonished, even indignant," continued Jouffroy, waving his hands +excitedly, "and she endeavoured to make me silent, but she did not have +success, I promise you. I appealed to her. I pointed out to her your +unique power. I reminded her that such power is a gift supreme to the +world, which the world must not lose. For the making of little ones and +the care of the _ménage_, there were other women, but you--you were a +priestess in the temple of art, you were without prejudice, without the +_bourgeois_ conscience, _grâce au ciel!_ you had the religion of the +artist, and your worship was paid at the shrine of Apollo. _Enfin_, I +counselled this elegant lady to return to England and to leave you in +peace. Always with a perfect politeness," added Jouffroy, panting from +excess of emotion. Hadria tried in vain to gather the object of this +sudden visit on the part of Henriette (for Henriette the elegant lady +must certainly be). + +"I must return at once," she said. "I fear something must have gone +wrong at home." Jouffroy danced with fury. + +"But I tell you, Madame, that she will drag you back to your fogs; she +will tell you some foolish story, she will address herself to your pity. +Your family has doubtless become ill. Families have that habit when they +desire to achieve something. Bah, it is easy to become ill when one is +angry, and so to make oneself pitied and obeyed. It is a common usage. +Madame, beware; it is for you the critical moment. One must choose." + +"It is not always a matter of choice, M. Jouffroy." + +"Always," he insisted. He endeavoured to induce her to linger, to make a +decision on the spot. But Hadria hastened on towards the river. Jouffroy +followed in despair. He ceased not to urge upon her the peril of the +moment and the need for resolute action. He promised to help her by +every means in his power, to watch over her career, to assist her in +bringing her gift to maturity. Never before had he felt a faith so +profound, or an interest so fervid in the genius of any woman. One had, +after all, regarded them ("les femmes") as accomplished animals. + +"But of whom one demands the duties of human beings and the courage of +heroes," added Hadria. + +"_Justement_," cried Jouffroy. But Madame had taught him a superb truth. +For her, he felt a sentiment of admiration and reverence the most +profound. She had been to him a revelation. He entreated her to bestow +upon him the privilege of watching over her career. Let her only make +the wise decision now, everything would arrange itself. It needed only +courage. + +"This is the moment for decision. Remain now among us, and pursue your +studies with a calm mind, and I promise you--I, Jouffroy, who have the +right to speak on this matter--I promise you shall have a success beyond +the wildest dreams of your ambition. Madame, you do not guess your own +power. I know how your genius can be saved to the world; I know the +artist's nature. Have I not had the experience of twenty years? I know +what feeds and rouses it, and I know what kills it. And this I tell you, +Madame, that if you stay here, you have a stupendous future before you; +if you return to your fogs and your tea-parties--ah, then, Madame, your +genius will die and your heart will be broken." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI. + + +It was with great reluctance that Jouffroy acceded to Hadria's wish to +return home alone. She watched the river banks, and the boats coming and +passing, with a look of farewell in her eyes. She meant to hold out to +the utmost limits of the possible, but she knew that the possible _had_ +limits, and she awaited judgment at the bar of destiny. + +She hurried home on arriving at the quay, and found Henriette waiting +for her. + +"What is it? Tell me at once, if anything is wrong." + +"Then you knew I was here!" exclaimed Miss Temperley. + +"Yes; M. Jouffroy told me. He found me at St. Cloud. Quick, Henriette, +don't keep me in suspense." + +"There is nothing of immediate seriousness," Henriette replied, and her +sister-in-law drew a breath of relief. Tea was brought in by Hannah, and +a few questions were asked and answered. Miss Temperley having been +installed in an easy chair, and her cloak and hat removed, said that her +stay in Paris was uncertain as to length. It would depend on many +things. Hadria rang for the tray to be taken away, after tea was over, +and as Hannah closed the door, a sensation of sick apprehension overcame +her, for a moment. Henriette had obviously come to Paris in order to +recapture the fugitive, and meant to employ all her tact in the delicate +mission. She was devoted to Hubert and the children, heart and soul, and +would face anything on their behalf, including the present disagreeable +task. Hadria looked at her sister-in-law with admiration. She offered +homage to the prowess of the enemy. + +Miss Temperley held a commanding position, fortified by ideas and +customs centuries old, and supported by allies on every side. + +It ran through Hadria's mind that it was possible to refuse to allow the +subject to be broached, and thus escape the encounter altogether. It +would save many words on both sides. But Henriette had always been in +Hubert's confidence, and it occurred to Hadria that it might be well to +define her own position once more, since it was thus about to be +directly and frankly attacked. Moreover, Hadria began to be fired with +the spirit of battle. It was not merely for herself, but on behalf of +her sex, that she longed to repudiate the insult that seemed to her, to +be involved in Henriette's whole philosophy. + +However, if the enemy shewed no signs of hostility, Hadria resolved that +she also would keep the truce. + +Miss Temperley had already mentioned that Mrs. Fullerton was now staying +at the Red House, for change of air. She had been far from well, and of +course was worrying very much over these money troubles and perils +ahead, as well as about Hadria's present action. Mrs. Fullerton had +herself suggested that Henriette should go over to Paris to see what +could be done to patch up the quarrel. + +"Ah!" exclaimed Hadria, and a cloud settled on her brow. Henriette had +indeed come armed _cap à pie!_ + +There was a significant pause. "And your mission," said Hadria at +length, "is to recapture the lost bird." + +"We are considering your own good," murmured Miss Temperley. + +"If I have not always done what I ought to have done in my life, it is +not for want of guidance and advice from others," said Hadria with a +smile and a sigh. + +"You are giving everyone so much pain, Hadria. Do you never think of +that?" + +There was another long pause. The two women sat opposite one another. +Miss Temperley's eyes were bent on the carpet; Hadria's on a patch of +blue sky that could be seen through a side street, opposite. + +"If you would use your ability on behalf of your sex instead of against +it, Henriette, women would have cause to bless you, for all time!" + +"Ah! if you did but know it, I _am_ using what ability I have on their +behalf," Miss Temperley replied. "I am trying to keep them true to their +noble mission. But I did not come to discuss general questions. I came +to appeal to your best self, Hadria." + +"I am ready," said Hadria. "Only, before you start, I want you to +remember clearly what took place at Dunaghee before my marriage; for I +foresee that our disagreement will chiefly hang upon your lapse of +memory on that point, and upon my perhaps inconveniently distinct +recollection of those events." + +"I wish to lay before you certain facts and certain results of your +present conduct," said Henriette. + +"Very good. I wish to lay before you certain facts and certain results +of your past conduct." + +"Ah! do not let us wrangle, Hadria." + +"I don't wish to wrangle, but I must keep hold of these threads that you +seem always to drop. And then there is another point: when I talked of +leaving home, it was not _I_ who suggested that it should be for ever." + +"I know, I know," cried Henriette hastily. "I have again and again +pointed out to Hubert how wrong he was in that, and how he gave you a +pretext for what you have done. I admit it and regret it deeply. Hubert +lost his temper; that is the fact of the matter. He thought himself +bitterly wronged by you." + +"Quite so; he felt it a bitter wrong that I should claim that liberty of +action which I warned him before our marriage that I _should_ claim. He +made no objection _then_: on the contrary, he professed to agree with +me; and declared that he did not care what I might think; but now he +says that in acting as I have acted, I have forfeited my position, and +need not return to the Red House." + +"I know. But he spoke in great haste and anger. He has made me his +_confidante_." + +"And his ambassador?" + +Henriette shook her head. No; she had acted entirely on her own +responsibility. She could not bear to see her brother suffering. He had +felt the quarrel deeply. + +"On account of the stupid talk," said Hadria. "_That_ will soon blow +over." + +"On account of the talk partly. You know his sensitiveness about +anything that concerns his domestic life. He acutely feels your leaving +the children, Hadria. Try to put yourself in his place. Would _you_ not +feel it?" + +"If I were a man with two children of whom I was extremely fond, I have +no doubt that I should feel it very much indeed if I lost an intelligent +and trustworthy superintendent, whose services assured the children's +welfare, and relieved me of all anxiety on their account." + +"If you are going to take this hard tone, Hadria, I fear you will never +listen to reason." + +"Henriette, when people look popular sentiments squarely in the face, +they are always called hard, or worse. You have kept yourself thoroughly +informed of our affairs. Whose parental sentiments were gratified by the +advent of those children--Hubert's or mine?" + +"But you are a mother." + +Hadria laughed. "You play into my hands, Henriette. You tacitly +acknowledge that it was not for _my_ gratification that those children +were brought into the world (a common story, let me observe), and then +you remind me that I am a mother! Your mentor must indeed be slumbering. +You are simply scathing--on my behalf! Have you come all the way from +England for this?" + +"You _won't_ understand. I mean that motherhood has duties. You can't +deny that." + +"I can and I do." + +Miss Temperley stared. "You will find no human being to agree with you," +she said at length. + +"That does not alter my opinion." + +"Oh, Hadria, explain yourself! You utter paradoxes. I want to understand +your point of view." + +"It is simple enough. I deny that motherhood has duties except when it +is absolutely free, absolutely uninfluenced by the pressure of opinion, +or by any of the innumerable tyrannies that most children have now to +thank for their existence." + +Miss Temperley shook her head. "I don't see that any 'tyranny,' as you +call it, exonerates a mother from her duty to her child." + +"There we differ. Motherhood, in our present social state, is the sign +and seal as well as the means and method of a woman's bondage. It forges +chains of her own flesh and blood; it weaves cords of her own love and +instinct. She agonizes, and the fruit of her agony is not even legally +hers. Name me a position more abject! A woman with a child in her arms +is, to me, the symbol of an abasement, an indignity, more complete, more +disfiguring and terrible, than any form of humiliation that the world +has ever seen." + +"You must be mad!" exclaimed Miss Temperley. "That symbol has stood to +the world for all that is sweetest and holiest." + +"I know it has! So profound has been our humiliation!" + +"I don't know what to say to anyone so wrong-headed and so twisted in +sentiment." + +Hadria smiled thoughtfully. + +"While I am about it, I may as well finish this disclosure of feeling, +which, again I warn you, is _not_ peculiar to myself, however you may +lay that flattering unction to your soul. I have seen and heard of many +a saddening evidence of our sex's slavery since I came to this terrible +and wonderful city: the crude, obvious buying and selling that we all +shudder at; but hideous as it is, to me it is far less awful than this +other respectable form of degradation that everyone glows and smirks +over." + +Miss Temperley clasped her hands in despair. + +"I simply can't understand you. What you say is rank heresy against all +that is most beautiful in human nature." + +"Surely the rank heresy is to be laid at the door of those who degrade +and enslave that which they assert to be most beautiful in human nature. +But I am not speaking to convince; merely to shew where you cannot count +upon me for a point of attack. Try something else." + +"But it is so strange, so insane, as it seems to me. Do you mean to +throw contempt on motherhood _per se_?" + +"I am not discussing motherhood _per se_; no woman has yet been in a +position to know what it is _per se_, strange as it may appear. No woman +has yet experienced it apart from the enormous pressure of law and +opinion that has, always, formed part of its inevitable conditions. The +illegal mother is hounded by her fellows in one direction; the legal +mother is urged and incited in another: free motherhood is unknown +amongst us. I speak of it as it is. To speak of it _per se_, for the +present, is to discuss the transcendental." + +There was a moment's excited pause, and Hadria then went on more +rapidly. "You know well enough, Henriette, what thousands of women there +are to whom the birth of their children is an intolerable burden, and a +fierce misery from which many would gladly seek escape by death. And +indeed many _do_ seek escape by death. What is the use of this eternal +conspiracy of silence about that which every woman out of her teens +knows as well as she knows her own name?" + +But Henriette preferred to ignore that side of her experience. She +murmured something about the maternal instinct, and its potency. + +"I don't deny the potency of the instinct," said Hadria, "but I do say +that it is shamefully presumed upon. Strong it obviously must be, if +industrious cultivation and encouragements and threats and exhortations +can make it so! All the Past as well as all the weight of opinion and +training in the Present has been at work on it, thrusting and alluring +and coercing the woman to her man-allotted fate." + +"_Nature_-allotted, if you please," said Henriette. "There is no need +for alluring or coercing." + +"Why do it then? Now, be frank, Henriette, and try not to be offended. +Would _you_ feel no sense of indignity in performing a function of this +sort (however noble and so on you might think it _per se_), if you knew +that it would be demanded of you as a duty, if you did not welcome it as +a joy?" + +"I should acknowledge it as a duty, if I did not welcome it as a joy." + +"In other words, you would accept the position of a slave." + +"How so?" + +"By bartering your womanhood, by using these powers of body, in return +for food and shelter and social favour, or for the sake of so-called +'duty' irrespective of--perhaps in direct opposition to your feelings. +How then do you differ from the slave woman who produces a progeny of +young slaves, to be disposed of as shall seem good to her perhaps +indulgent master? I see no essential difference." + +"I see the difference between honour and ignominy," said Henriette. +Hadria shook her head, sadly. + +"The differences are all in detail and in circumstance. I am sorry if I +offend your taste. The facts are offensive. The bewildering thing is +that the facts themselves never seem to offend you; only the mention of +them." + +"It would take too long to go into this subject," said Henriette. "I can +only repeat that I fail to understand your extraordinary views of the +holiest of human instincts." + +"_That_ catch-word! And you use it rashly, Henriette, for do you not +know that the deepest of all degradation comes of misusing that which is +most holy?" + +"A woman who does her duty is not to be accused of misusing anything," +cried Miss Temperley hotly. + +"Is there then no sin, no misuse of power in sending into the world +swarms of fortuitous, poverty-stricken human souls, as those souls must +be who are born in bondage, with the blended instincts of the slave and +the master for a proud inheritance? It sounds awful I know, but truth is +apt to sound awful. Motherhood, as our wisdom has appointed it, among +civilized people, represents a prostitution of the reproductive powers, +which precisely corresponds to that other abuse, which seems to most of +us so infinitely more shocking." + +Miss Temperley preferred not to reply to such a remark, and the entrance +of little Martha relieved the tension of the moment. Henriette, though +she bore the child a grudge, could not resist her when she came forward +and put up her face to be kissed. + +"She is really growing very pretty," said Henriette, in a tone which +betrayed the agitation which she had been struggling to hide. + +Martha ran for her doll and her blue man, and was soon busy at play, in +a corner of the room, building Eiffel Towers out of stone bricks, and +knocking them down again. + +"I don't yet quite understand, Henriette, your object in coming to +Paris." Hadria's voice had grown calmer. + +"I came to make an appeal to your sense of duty and your generosity." + +"Ah!" + +"I came," Henriette went on, bracing herself as if for a great effort, +"to remind you that when you married, you entered into a contract which +you now repudiate." + +Hadria started up, reddening with anger. + +"I did no such thing, and you know it, Henriette. How do you _dare_ to +sit there and tell me that?" + +"I tell you nothing but the truth. Every woman who marries enters, by +that fact, into a contract." + +Miss Temperley had evidently regarded this as a strong card and played +it hopefully. + +Hadria was trembling with anger. She steadied her voice. "Then you +actually intended to _entrap_ me into this so-called contract, by +leading me to suppose that it would mean nothing more between Hubert and +myself than an unavoidable formality! You tell me this to my face, and +don't appear to see that you are confessing an act of deliberate +treachery." + +"Nonsense," cried Henriette. "There was nothing that any sane person +would have objected to, in our conduct." + +Hadria stood looking down scornfully on her sister-in-law. She shrugged +her shoulders, as if in bewilderment. + +"And yet you would have felt yourselves stained with dishonour for the +rest of your lives had you procured anything _else_ on false pretences! +But a woman--that is a different affair. The code of honour does not +here apply, it would seem. _Any_ fraud may be honourably practised on +_her_, and wild is the surprise and indignation if she objects when she +finds it out." + +"You are perfectly mad," cried Henriette, tapping angrily with her +fingers on the arm of her chair. + +"What I say is true, whether I be mad or sane. What you call the +'contract' is simply a cunning contrivance for making a woman and her +possible children the legal property of a man, and for enlisting her own +honour and conscience to safeguard the disgraceful transaction." + +"Ah," said Henriette, on the watch for her opportunity, "then you admit +that her honour and conscience _are_ enlisted?" + +"Certainly, in the case of most women. That enlistment is a masterpiece +of policy. To make a prisoner his own warder is surely no light stroke +of genius. But that is exactly what I refused to be from the first, and +no one could have spoken more plainly. And now you are shocked and +pained and aggrieved because I won't eat my words. Yet we have talked +over all this, in my room at Dunaghee, by the hour. Oh! Henriette, why +did you not listen to your conscience and be honest with me?" + +"Hadria, you insult me." + +"Why could not Hubert choose one among the hundreds and thousands of +women who would have passed under the yoke without a question, and have +gladly harnessed herself to his chariot by the reins of her own +conscience?" + +"I would to heaven he _had_!" Henriette was goaded into replying. + +Hadria laughed. Then her brow clouded with pain. "Ah, why did he not +meet my frankness with an equal frankness, at the time? All this trouble +would have been saved us both if _only_ he had been honest." + +"My dear, he was in love with you." + +"And so he thought himself justified in deceiving me. There is _indeed_ +war to the knife between the sexes!" Hadria stood with her elbows on +the back of a high arm-chair, her chin resting on her hands. + +"It is not fair to use that word. I tell you that we both confidently +expected that when you had more experience you would be like other women +and adjust yourself sensibly to your conditions." + +"I see," said Hadria, "and so it was decided that Hubert was to pretend +to have no objections to my wild ideas, so as to obtain my consent, +trusting to the ponderous bulk of circumstance to hold me flat and +subservient when I no longer had a remedy in my power. You neither of +you lack brains, at any rate." Henriette clenched her hands in the +effort of self-control. + +"In ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, our forecasts would have come +true," she said. "I mean----" + +"That is refreshingly frank," cried Hadria. + +"We thought we acted for the best." + +"Oh, if it comes to that, the Spanish Inquisitors doubtless thought that +they were acting for the best, when they made bonfires of heretics in +the market-places." Henriette bent her head and clasped the arms of the +chair, tightly. + +"Well, if there be any one at fault in the matter, _I_ am the culprit," +she said in a voice that trembled. "It was _I_ who assured Hubert that +experience would alter you. It was I who represented to him that though +you might be impulsive, even hard at times, you could not persist in a +course that would give pain, and that if you saw that any act of yours +caused him to suffer, you would give it up. I was convinced that your +character was good and noble _au fond_, Hadria, and I have believed it +up to this moment." + +Hadria drew herself together with a start, and her face darkened. "You +make me regret that I ever had a good or a pitiful impulse!" she cried +with passion. + +She went to the window and stood leaning against the casement, with +crossed arms. + +Henriette turned round in her chair. + +"Why do you always resist your better nature, Hadria?" + +"You use it against me. It is the same with all women. Let them beware +of their 'better natures,' poor hunted fools! for that 'better nature' +will be used as a dog-chain, by which they can be led, like +toy-terriers, from beginning to end of what they are pleased to call +their lives!" + +"Oh, Hadria, Hadria!" cried Miss Temperley with deep regret in her tone. + +But Hadria was only roused by the remonstrance. + +"It is cunning, shallow, heartless women, who really fare best in our +society; its conditions suit them. _They_ have no pity, no sympathy to +make a chain of; _they_ don't mind stooping to conquer; _they_ don't +mind playing upon the weaker, baser sides of men's natures; _they_ don't +mind appealing, for their own ends, to the pity and generosity of +others; _they_ don't mind swallowing indignity and smiling abjectly, +like any woman of the harem at her lord, so that they gain their object. +_That_ is the sort of 'woman's nature' that our conditions are busy +selecting. Let us cultivate it. We live in a scientific age; the fittest +survive. Let us be 'fit.'" + +"Let us be womanly, let us do our duty, let us hearken to our +conscience!" cried Henriette. + +"Thank you! If my conscience is going to be made into a helm by which +others may guide me according to their good pleasure, the sooner that +helm is destroyed the better. That is the conclusion to which you drive +me and the rest of us, Henriette." + +"Charity demands that I do not believe what you say," said Miss +Temperley. + +"Oh, don't trouble to be charitable!" + +Henriette heaved a deep sigh. "Hadria," she said, "are you going to +allow your petty rancour about this--well, I will call it error of ours, +if you like to be severe--are you going to bear malice and ruin your own +life and Hubert's and the children's? Are you so unforgiving, so lacking +in generosity?" + +"_You_ call it an error. _I_ call it a treachery," returned Hadria. "Why +should the results of that treachery be thrust on to _my_ shoulders to +bear? Why should _my_ generosity be summoned to your rescue? But I +suppose you calculated on that sub-consciously, at the time." + +"_Hadria!_" + +"This is a moment for plain speaking, if ever there was one. You must +have reckoned on an appeal to my generosity, and on the utter +helplessness of my position when once I was safely entrapped. It was +extremely clever and well thought out. Do you suppose that you would +have dared to act as you did, if there had been means of redress in my +hands, after marriage?" + +"If I _did_ rely on your generosity, I admit my mistake," said Henriette +bitterly. + +"And now when your deed brings its natural harvest of disaster, you and +Hubert come howling, like frightened children, to have the mischief set +straight again, the consequences of your treachery averted, by _me_, of +all people on this earth!" + +"You are his wife, the mother of his children." + +"In heaven's name, Henriette, why do you always run into my very jaws?" + +"I don't know what you mean." + +"Why do you catalogue my injuries when your point is to deny them?" + +Henriette rose with a vivid flush. + +"Hadria, Hubert is one of the best men in England. I----" + +"When have I disputed that?" + +Hadria advanced towards Miss Temperley, and stood looking her full in +the face. + +"I believe that Hubert has acted conscientiously, according to his +standard. But I detest his standard. He did not think it wrong or +treacherous to behave as he did towards me. But it is _that very fact_ +that I so bitterly resent. I could have forgiven him a sin against +myself alone, which he acknowledged to be a sin. But this is a sin +against my entire sex, which he does _not_ acknowledge to be a sin. It +is the insolence that is implied in supposing it allowable for a man to +trick a woman in that way, without the smallest damage to his +self-respect, that sticks so in my throat. What does it imply as regards +his attitude towards all women? Ah! it is _that_ which makes me feel so +rancorous. And I resent Hubert's calm assumption that he had a right to +judge what was best for me, and even to force me, by fraud, into +following his view, leaving me afterwards to adjust myself with +circumstance as best I might: to make my bitter choice between +unconditional surrender, and the infliction of pain and distress, on +him, on my parents, on everybody. Ah, you calculated cunningly, +Henriette! I _am_ a coward about giving pain, little as you may now be +disposed to credit it. You have tight hold of the end of my chain." + +Hadria was pacing restlessly up and down the room. Little Martha ran out +with her doll, and offered it, as if with a view to chase away the +perturbed look from Hadria's face. The latter stooped mechanically and +took the doll, smiling her thanks, and stroking the child's fair curls +tenderly. Then she recommenced her walk up and down the room, carrying +the doll carefully on her arm. + +"Take care of dolly," Martha recommended, and went back to her other +toys. + +"Yes, Henriette, you and Hubert have made your calculations cleverly. +You have advocates only too eloquent in my woman's temperament. You have +succeeded only too well by your fraud, through which I now stand here, +with a life in fragments, bound, chafe as I may, to choose between +alternative disasters for myself and for all of us. Had you two only +acted straightly with me, and kindly allowed me to judge for myself, +instead of treacherously insisting on judging for me, this knot of your +tying which you naïvely bring me to unravel, would never have wrung the +life out of me as it is doing now--nor would it have caused you and +Hubert so much virtuous distress." + +Hadria recommenced her restless pacing to and fro. + +"But, Hadria, _do_ be calm, _do_ look at the matter from our point of +view. I have owned my indiscretion." (Hadria gave a little scornful +cry.) "Surely you are not going to throw over all allegiance to your +husband on _that_ account, even granting he was to blame." Hadria +stopped abruptly. + +"I deny that I owe allegiance to a man who so treated me. I don't deny +that he had excuses. The common standards exonerate him; but, good +heavens, a sense of humour, if nothing else, ought to save him from +making this grotesque claim on his victim! To preach the duties of wife +and mother to _me!_" Hadria broke into a laugh. "It is inconceivably +comic." + +Henriette shrugged her shoulders. "I fear my sense of humour is +defective. I can't see the justice of repudiating the duty of one's +position, since there the position _is_, an accomplished fact not to be +denied. Why not make the best of it?" + +"Henriette, you are amazing! Supposing a wicked bigamist had persuaded a +woman to go through a false marriage ceremony, and when she became aware +of her real position, imagine him saying to her, with grave and virtuous +mien, 'My dear, why repudiate the duties of your position, since there +your position _is_, an accomplished fact not to be denied?'" + +"Oh, that's preposterous," cried Henriette. + +"It's preposterous and it's parallel." + +"Hubert did not try to entrap you into doing what was wrong." + +"We need not discuss that, for it is not the point. The point is that +the position (be that right or wrong) was forced on the woman in both +cases by fraud, and is then used as a pretext to exact from her the +desired conduct; what the author of the fraud euphoniously calls +'duty.'" + +"You are positively insulting!" cried Henriette, rising. + +By this time, Hadria had allowed the doll to slip back, and its limp +body was hanging down disconsolately from her elbow, although she was +clutching it, with absent-minded anxiety, to her side, in the hope of +arresting its threatened fall. + +"Oh, look at dolly, look, look!" cried Martha reproachfully. Hadria +seized its legs and pulled it back again, murmuring some consolatory +promise to its mistress. + +"It is strange how you succeed in putting me on the defensive, +Henriette--I who have been wronged. A horrible wrong it is too. It has +ruined my life. You will never know all that it implies, never, never, +though I talk till Doomsday. Nobody will--except Professor Fortescue." + +Henriette gave a horrified gesture. "I believe you are in love with that +man. _That_ is the cause of all this wild conduct." + +Miss Temperley had lost self-control for a moment. + +Hadria looked at her steadily. + +"I beg your pardon. I spoke in haste, Hadria. You have your faults, but +Hubert has nothing to fear from you in that respect, I am sure." + +"Really?" Hadria had come forward and was standing with her left elbow +on the mantel-piece, the doll still tucked under her right arm. "And you +think that I would, at all hazards, respect a legal tie which no feeling +consecrates?" + +"I do you that justice," murmured Henriette, turning very white. + +"You think that I should regard myself as so completely the property of +a man whom I do not love, and who actively dislikes me, as to hold my +very feelings in trust for him. Disabuse yourself of that idea, +Henriette. I claim rights over myself, and I will hold myself in pawn +for no man. This is no news either to you or to Hubert. Why pretend that +it is?" + +Henriette covered her face with her hands. + +"I can but hope," she said at length, "that even now you are saying +these horrible things out of mere opposition. I cannot, I simply +_cannot_ believe, that you would bring disgrace upon us all." + +"If you chose to regard it as a disgrace that I should make so bold as +to lay claim to myself, that, it seems to me, would be your own fault." +Henriette sprang forward white and trembling, and clutched Hadria's arm +excitedly. + +"Ah! you _could_ not! you _could_ not! Think of your mother and father, +if you will not think of your husband and children. You terrify me!" + +Hadria was moved with pity at Henriette's white quivering face. + +"Don't trouble," she said, more gently. "There is no thunderbolt about +to fall in our discreet circle." (A hideous crash from the overturning +of one of Martha's Eiffel Towers seemed to belie the words.) + +Miss Temperley's clutch relaxed, and she gave a gasp of relief. + +"Tell me, Hadria, that you did not mean what you said." + +"I can't do that, for I meant it, every syllable." + +"Promise me then at least, that before you do anything to bring misery +and disgrace on us all, you will tell us of your intention, and give us +a chance of putting our side of the matter before you." + +"Of protecting your vested interests," said Hadria; "your right of way +through my flesh and spirit." + +"Of course you put it unkindly." + +"I will not make promises for the future. The future is quite enough +hampered with the past, without setting anticipatory traps and springes +for unwary feet. But I refuse this promise merely on general principles. +I am not about to distress you in that particular way, though I think +you would only have yourselves to blame if I _were_." + +Miss Temperley drew another deep breath, and the colour began to return +to her face. + +"So far, so good," she said. "Now tell me--Is there nothing that would +make you accept your duties?" + +"Even if I were to accept what you call my duties, it would not be in +the spirit that you would desire to see. It would be in cold +acknowledgment of the force of existing facts--facts which I regard as +preposterous, but admit to be coercive." Henriette sank wearily into her +chair. + +"Do you then hold it justifiable for a woman to inflict pain on those +near to her, by a conduct that she may think justifiable in itself?" + +Hadria hesitated for a moment. + +"A woman is so desperately entangled, and restricted, and betrayed, by +common consent, in our society, that I hold her justified in using +desperate means, as one who fights for dear life. She may harden her +heart--if she can." + +"I am thankful to think that she very seldom _can_!" cried Henriette. + +"Ah! that is our weak point! For a long time to come, we shall be +overpowered by our own cage-born instincts, by our feminine conscience +that has been trained so cleverly to dog the woman's footsteps, in man's +interest--his detective in plain clothes!" + +"Of course, if you repudiate all moral claim----" began Henriette, +weakly. + +"I will not insult your intelligence by considering that remark." + +"Are you determined to harden yourself against every appeal?" Hadria +looked at her sister-in-law, in silence. + +"Why don't you answer me, Hadria?" + +"Because I have just been endeavouring, evidently in vain, to explain in +what light I regard appeals on this point." + +"Then Hubert and the children are to be punished for what you are +pleased to call his fraud--the fraud of a man in love with you, anxious +to please you, to agree with you, and believing you too good and noble +to allow his life to be spoilt by this girl's craze for freedom. It is +inconceivable!" + +"I fear that Hubert must be prepared to endure the consequences of his +actions, like the rest of us. It is the custom, I know, for the sex that +men call weaker, to saddle themselves with the consequences of men's +deeds, but I think we should have a saner, and a juster world if the +custom were discontinued." + +"You have missed one of the noblest lessons of life, Hadria," cried Miss +Temperley, rising to leave. "You do not understand the meaning of +self-sacrifice." + +"A principle that, in woman, has been desecrated by misuse," said +Hadria. "There is no power, no quality, no gift or virtue, physical or +moral, that we have _not_ been trained to misuse. Self-sacrifice stands +high on the list." + +Miss Temperley shrugged her shoulders, sadly and hopelessly. + +"You have fortified yourself on every side. My words only prompt you to +throw up another earthwork at the point attacked. I do harm instead of +good. I will leave you to think the matter over alone." Miss Temperley +moved towards the door. + +"Ah, you are clever, Henriette! You know well that I am far better +acquainted with the weak points of my own fortifications than you can +be, who did not build them, and that when I have done with the defence +against you, I shall commence the attack myself. You have all the +advantages on your side. Mine is a forlorn hope:--a handful of Greeks at +Thermopylae against all the host of the Great King. We are foredoomed; +the little band must fall, but some day, Henriette, when you and I shall +be no more troubled with these turbulent questions--some day, these +great blundering hosts of barbarians will be driven back, and the Greek +will conquer. Then the realm of liberty will grow wide!" + +"I begin to hate the very name!" exclaimed Henriette. + +Hadria's eyes flashed, and she stood drawn up, straight and defiant, +before the mantel-piece. + +"Ah! there is a fiercer Salamis and a crueller Marathon yet to be +fought, before the world will so much as guess what freedom means. I +have no illusions now, regarding my own chances, but I should hold it as +an honour to stand and fall at Thermopylae, with Leonidas and his +Spartans." + +"I believe that some day you will see things with different eyes," said +Henriette. + +The doll fell with a great crash, into the fender among the fire-irons, +and there was a little burst of laughter. Miss Temperley passed through +the door, at the same instant, with great dignity. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII. + + +As Hadria had foretold, she commenced the attack on herself as soon as +Henriette had departed, and all night long, the stormy inner debate was +kept up. Her mind never wavered, but her heart was rebellious. Hubert +deserved to pay for his conduct; but if we all had to pay for our +conduct to the uttermost farthing, that would be hard, if just. If +Hadria assumed the burden of Hubert's debt, it would mean what M. +Jouffroy had pointed out. Hubert's suffering would be only on account of +offended public opinion; hers--but then her parents would suffer as well +as Hubert. Round and round went the thoughts, like vast wheels, and when +towards morning, she dozed off a little, the wheels were still turning +in a vague, weary way, and as they turned, the life seemed to be crushed +gradually out of the sleeper. + +Jouffroy came to enquire whether the decision had been made. He was in a +state of great excitement. He gave fervent thanks that Hadria had stood +firm. + +"You do not forget my words, Madame?" + +"I shall never forget them, Monsieur." + +Henriette discreetly forbore to say anything further on the subject of +dispute. She waited, hopefully. + +"Hubert has been troubled about the money that your father set apart, on +your marriage, as a contribution to the household expenses," she said, +one morning. "Your father did not place it all in your name." + +"I know," said Hadria. "It is tied up, in some way, for the use of the +family. I have a small sum only in my own control." + +"Hubert is now leaving half of it to accumulate. The other half has +still to go towards the expenses at the Red House. I suppose you +approve?" + +"Certainly," said Hadria. "My father designed it for that purpose." + +"But Hubert feared you might be running short of money, and wished to +send you some; but the trustees say it is against the conditions of the +trust." + +"So I suppose." + +"I wanted you to know about it, that is all," said Henriette. "Also, I +should like to say that though Hubert does not feel that he can ask you +to return to the Red House, after what has happened--he cannot risk your +refusing--yet I take it on myself to tell you, that he would only be too +glad if you would go back." + +"Thank you, I understand." + +Next morning, Henriette came with a letter in her hand. + +"Bad news!" Hadria exclaimed. + +The letter announced the failure of the Company. It was the final blow. +Dunaghee would have to be given up. Mrs. Fullerton's settlement was all +that she and her husband would now have to live upon. + +Hadria sat gazing at the letter, with a dazed expression. Almost before +the full significance of the calamity had been realized, a telegram +arrived, announcing that Mrs. Fullerton had fallen dangerously ill. + +The rest of that day was spent in packing, writing notes, settling +accounts, and preparing for departure. + +"When--how are you going?" cried Madame Vauchelet, in dismay. + +"By the night boat, by the night boat," Hadria replied hurriedly, as if +the hurry of her speech would quicken her arrival in England. + +The great arches of the station which had appealed to her imagination, +at the moment of arrival, swept upward, hard and grey, in the callous +blue light. Hadria breathed deep. Was she the same person who had +arrived that night, with every nerve thrilled with hope and resolve? Ah! +there had been so much to learn, and the time had been so short. +Starting with her present additional experience, she could have managed +so much better. But of what use to think of that? How different the +homeward journey from the intoxicating outward flight, in the heyday of +the spring! + +What did that telegram mean? _Ill; dangerously, dangerously._ The words +seemed to be repeated cruelly, insistently, by the jogging of the train +and the rumble of the wheels. The anxiety gnawed on, rising at times +into terror, dulling again to a steady ache. And then remorse began to +fit a long-pointed fang into a sensitive spot in her heart. In vain to +resist. It was securely placed. Let reason hold her peace. + +A thousand fears, regrets, self-accusations, revolts, swarmed +insect-like in Hadria's brain, as the train thundered through the +darkness, every tumultuous sound and motion exaggerated to the +consciousness, by the fact that there was no distraction of the +attention by outside objects. Nothing offered itself to the sight except +the strange lights and shadows of the lamp thrown on the cushions of the +carriage; Henriette's figure in one corner, Hannah, with the child, in +another, and the various rugs and trappings of wandering Britons. +Everything was contracted, narrow. The sea-passage had the same sinister +character. Hadria compared it to the crossing of the Styx in Charon's +gloomy ferry-boat. + +She felt a patriotic thrill on hearing the first mellow English voice +pronouncing the first kindly English sentence. The simple, slow, honest +quality of the English nature gave one a sense of safety. What splendid +raw material to make a nation out of! But, ah, it was sometimes dull to +live with! These impressions, floating vaguely in the upper currents of +the mind, were simultaneous with a thousand thoughts and anxieties, and +gusts of bitter fear and grief. + +What would be the end of it all? This uprooting from the old home--it +wrung one's heart to think of it. Scarcely could the thought be faced. +Her father, an exile from his beloved fields and hills; her mother +banished from her domain of so many years, and after all these +disappointments and mortifications and sorrows! It was piteous. Where +would they live? What would they do? + +Hadria fought with her tears. Ah! it was hard for old people to have to +start life anew, bitterly hard. This was the moment for their children +to flock to their rescue, to surround them with care, with affection, +with devotion; to make them feel that at least _some_thing that could be +trusted, was left to them from the wreck. + +"Ah! poor mother, poor kind father, you were very good to us all, very, +very good!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII. + + +Mrs. Fullerton's illness proved even more serious than the doctor had +expected. She asked so incessantly for her daughters, especially Hadria, +that all question of difference between her and Hubert was laid aside, +by tacit consent, and the sisters took their place at their mother's +bedside. The doctor said that the patient must have been suffering, for +many years, from an exhausted state of the nerves and from some kind of +trouble. Had she had any great disappointment or anxiety? + +Hadria and Algitha glanced at one another. "Yes," said Algitha, "my +mother has had a lot of troublesome children to worry and disappoint +her." + +"Ah!" exclaimed the doctor, nodding his head. "Well, now has come a +crisis in Mrs. Fullerton's condition. This illness has been incubating +for years. She must have undergone mental misery of a very acute kind, +whether or not the cause may have been adequate. If her children desire +to keep her among them, it will be necessary to treat her with the +utmost care, and to oppose her in _nothing_. Further disappointment or +chagrin, she has no longer the power to stand. There are complications. +Her heart will give trouble, and all your vigilance and forbearance are +called for, to avoid serious consequences. I think it right to speak +frankly, for everything depends--and always hereafter will depend--on +the patient's being saved as much as possible from the repetition of any +former annoyance or sorrow. At best, there will be much for her to +endure; I dread an uprooting of long familiar habits for any one of her +age. Her life, if not her reason, are in her children's hands." + +A time of terrible anxiety followed, for the inmates of the Red House. +The doctor insisted on a trained nurse. Algitha and Hadria felt uneasy +when they were away, even for a moment, from the sick-room, but the +doctor reminded them of the necessity, for the patient's sake as well as +their own, of keeping up their strength. He warned them that there would +be a long strain upon them, and that any lack of common sense, as +regards their own health, would certainly diminish the patient's chances +of recovery. Nobody had his clearest judgment and his quickest +observation at command, when nervously exhausted. Everything might +depend on a moment's decision, a moment's swiftness of insight. The +warning was not thrown away, but both sisters found the incessant +precautions trying. + +Every thought, every emotion was swallowed up in the one awful anxiety. + +"Oh, Hadria, I feel as if this were my fault," cried Algitha, on one +still, ominous night, after she had resigned her post at the bedside to +the nurse, who was to fill it for a couple of hours, after which Hadria +took her turn of watching. + +"You? It was I," said Hadria, with trembling lips. + +"Mother has never been strong," Algitha went on. "And my leaving home +was the beginning of all this trouble." + +"And _my_ leaving home the end of it," her sister added. + +Algitha was walking restlessly to and fro. + +"And I went to Dunaghee so often, so often," she cried tearfully, "so +that mother should not feel deserted, and you too came, and the boys +when they could. But she never got over my leaving; she seemed to resent +my independence, my habit of judging for myself; she hated every detail +in which I differed from the girls she knew. If I had married and gone +to the Antipodes, she would have been quite satisfied, but----" + +"Ah, why do people need human souls for their daily food?" cried Hadria +mournfully. She flung open the window of the bedroom, and looked out +over the deadly stillness of the fields and the heavy darkness. "But +they do need them," she said, in the same quiet, hopeless tone, "and +the souls have got to be provided." + +"What is the time?" asked Algitha. A clock had struck, outside. "Could +it be the clock of Craddock church? The sound must have stolen down +hill, through the still air." + +"It struck three." + +"You ought to get some sleep," cried Algitha. "Remember what the doctor +said." + +"I feel so nervous, so anxious. I could not sleep." + +"Just for a few minutes," Algitha urged. Hadria consented at last, to go +into her room, which adjoined her sister's, and lie down on the bed. The +door was open between the rooms. "You must do the same," she stipulated. + +There was silence for some minutes, but the silence swarmed with the +ghosts of voices. The air seemed thick with shapes, and terrors, and +strange warnings. + +The doctor had not disguised the fact that the patient was fighting hard +for life, and that it was impossible to predict the result. Everything +depended on whether her strength would hold out. The weakness of the +heart was an unfortunate element in the case. To save strength and give +plentiful nourishment, without heightening the fever, must be the +constant effort. Algitha's experience stood her in good stead. Her +practical ability had been quickened and disciplined by her work. She +had trained herself in nursing, among other things. + +Hadria's experience was small. She had to summon her intelligence to the +rescue. The Fullerton stock had never been deficient in this particular. +In difficult moments, when rule and tradition had done their utmost, +Hadria had often some original device to suggest, to fit the individual +case, which tided them over a crisis, or avoided some threatening +predicament. + +"Are you sleeping?" asked Algitha, very softly. + +"No," said Hadria; "I feel very uneasy to-night. I think I will go +down." + +"Do try to get a little rest first, Hadria; your watch is next, and you +must not go to it fagged out." + +"I know, but I feel full of dread. I _must_ just go and see that all is +right." + +"Then I will come too," said Algitha. + +They stole down stairs together, in the dim light of the oil lamps that +were kept burning all night. The clock struck the half-hour as they +passed along the landing. A strange fancy came to Hadria, that a dusky +figure drifted away before her, as she advanced. It seemed as though +death had receded at her approach. The old childish love for her mother +had revived in all its force, during this long fight with the reaper of +souls. She felt all her energies strung with the tension of battle. She +fought against a dark horror that she could not face. Knowing, and +realising vividly, that if her mother lived, her own dreams were ended +for ever, she wrestled with desperate strength for the life that was at +stake. Her father's silent wretchedness was terrible to see. He would +not hear a word of doubt as to the patient's recovery. He grew angry if +anyone hinted at danger. He insisted that his wife was better each day. +She would soon be up and well again. + +"Never well again," the doctor had confided to Hubert, "though she may +possibly pull through." + +Mr. Fullerton's extravagant hopefulness sent a thrill along the nerves. +It was as if he had uttered the blackest forebodings. The present crisis +had stirred a thousand feelings and associations, in Hadria, which had +long been slumbering. She seemed to be sent back again, to the days of +her childhood. The intervening years were blotted out. She realized now, +with agonising vividness, the sadness of her mother's life, the long +stagnation, the slow decay of disused faculties, and the ache that +accompanies all processes of decay, physical or moral. Not only the +strong appeal of old affection, entwined with the earliest associations, +was at work, but the appeal of womanhood itself:--the grey sad story of +a woman's life, bare and dumb and pathetic in its irony and pain: the +injury from without, and then the self-injury, its direct offspring; +unnecessary, yet inevitable; the unconscious thirst for the sacrifice of +others, the hungry claims of a nature unfulfilled, the groping instinct +to bring the balance of renunciation to the level, and indemnify oneself +for the loss suffered and the spirit offered up. And that propitiation +had to be made. It was as inevitable as that the doom of Orestes should +follow the original crime of the house of Atreus. Hadria's whole thought +and strength were now centred on the effort to bring about that +propitiation, in her own person. She prepared the altar and sharpened +the knife. In that subtle and ironical fashion, her fate was steadily at +work. + +The sick-room was very still when the sisters entered. It was both warm +and fresh. A night-light burnt on the table, where cups and bottles were +ranged, a spirit-lamp and kettle, and other necessaries. The night-light +threw long, stealthy shadows over the room. The fire burnt with a red +glow. The bed lay against the long wall. As the two figures entered, +there was a faint sound of quick panting, and a moan. Hadria rushed to +the bedside. + +"Quick, quick, some brandy," she called. Algitha flew to the table for +the brandy, noticing with horror, as she passed, that the nurse had +fallen asleep at her post. Algitha shook her hastily. + +"Go and call Mr. Fullerton," she said sharply, "and quick, quick." The +patient was sinking. The nurse vanished. Algitha had handed the cup of +brandy to Hadria. The sisters stood by the bedside, scarcely daring to +breathe. Mr. Fullerton entered hurriedly, with face pallid and drawn. + +"What is it? Is she----?" + +"No, no; I hope not. Another moment it would have been too late, but I +think we were in time." + +Hadria had administered the brandy, and stood watching breathlessly, for +signs of revival. She gave one questioning glance at Algitha. Her trust +in the nurse was gone. Algitha signed hope. The patient's breathing was +easier. + +"I wonder if we ought to give a little more?" Hadria whispered. + +"Wait a minute. Ah! don't speak to her, father; she needs all her +strength." + +The ticking of the clock could be heard, in the dim light. + +Algitha was holding her mother's wrist. "Stronger," she said. Hadria +drew a deep sigh. "We must give food presently. No more brandy." + +"She's all right again, all right again!" cried Mr. Fullerton, eagerly. + +The nurse went to prepare the extract which the doctor had ordered for +the patient, when quickly-digested nourishment was required. It gave +immediate strength. The brandy had stimulated the sinking organs to a +saving effort; the food sustained the system at the level thus achieved. +The perilous moment was over. + +"Thank heaven!" cried Algitha, when the patient's safety was assured, +and she sank back on the pillow, with a look of relief on her worn face. + +"If it had not been for you, Hadria----. What's the matter? Are you +ill?" + +Algitha rushed forward, and the nurse dragged up a chair. + +Hadria had turned deadly white, and her hand groped for support. + +She drew herself together with a desperate effort, and sat down +breathing quickly. "I am not going to faint," she said, reassuringly. +"It was only for a moment." She gave a shudder. "What a fight it was! We +were only just in time----" + +A low voice came from the bed. The patient was talking in her sleep. +"Tell Hadria to come home if she does not want to kill me. Tell her to +come home; it is her duty. I want her." + +Then, after a pause, "I have always done _my_ duty,--I have sacrificed +myself for the children. Why do they desert me, why do they desert me?" +And then came a low moaning cry, terrible to hear. The sisters were by +the bedside, in a moment. Their father stood behind them. + +"We are here, mother dear; we are here watching by you," Hadria +murmured, with trembling voice. + +Algitha touched the thin hand, quietly. "We are with you, mother," she +repeated. "Don't you know that we have been with you for a long time?" + +The sick woman seemed to be soothed by the words. + +"Both here, both?" she muttered vaguely. And then a smile spread over +the sharpened features; she opened her eyes and looked wistfully at the +two faces bending over her. + +A look of happiness came into her dimmed eyes. + +"My girls," she said in a dreamy voice, "my girls have come back to +me--I knew they were good girls----" + +Then her eyes closed, and she fell into a profound and peaceful +slumber. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX. + + +"But, Doctor, is there no hope that with care and time, she will be able +to walk again?" + +"I am sorry to say, none whatever. I am only thankful that my patient +has survived at all. It was little short of a miracle, and you must be +thankful for that." + +Mrs. Fullerton had always been an active woman, in spite of not being +very robust, and a life passed on a couch had peculiar terrors for her. +The nervous system had been wrecked, not by any one shock or event, but +by the accumulated strains of a lifetime. The constitution was broken +up, once and for all. + +A cottage had been taken, as near as possible to the Red House, where +the old couple were to settle for the rest of their days, within reach +of their children and grandchildren. Every wish of the invalid must be +respected, just or unjust. Absolute repose of mind and body was +imperatively necessary, and this could only be attained for her by a +complete surrender, on the part of her children, of any course of action +that she seriously disapproved. The income was too limited to allow of +Algitha's returning to her parents; otherwise Mrs. Fullerton would have +wished it. Algitha had now to provide for herself, as the allowance that +her father had given her could not be continued. She had previously done +her work for nothing, but now Mrs. Trevelyan, under whose care she had +been living, offered her a paid post in a Convalescent Home in which she +was interested. + +"I am exceptionally fortunate," said Algitha, "for Mrs. Trevelyan has +arranged most kindly, so that I can get away to see mother and father at +the end of every week." + +Both Mr. and Mrs. Fullerton had taken it for granted that Hadria would +remain at the Red House, and that Hubert would "forgive" her, as they +put it. + +Circumstances seemed to take it equally for granted. Mrs. Fullerton +would now depend entirely on her children for every solace and pleasure. +She would require cheering, amusing, helping, in a thousand ways. +Algitha was to come down each week from Saturday till Monday, and the +brothers when they could. During the rest of the week, the invalid would +depend on her younger daughter. Hadria's leaving home, and the rumour of +a quarrel between her and Hubert, had conduced to her mother's illness, +perhaps had even caused it. Mrs. Fullerton had taken it bitterly to +heart. It had become obvious that Hadria would have now to remain at the +Red House, for her mother's sake, and that being so, she and Hubert +agreed that it was useless to discuss any other reasons for and against +it. Hubert was only too glad of her return, for appearance' sake. +Neither of them thought, for a moment, of what Henriette called a +"reconciliation." What had passed before Hadria's departure had revealed +finally, the hopelessness of such an attempt. Matters settled down +heavily and with an air of finality. + +If only her mother's declining years were happy and peaceful, that would +be something of importance gained, but, alas! Mrs. Fullerton seemed +anything but happy. Her helplessness was hard to bear, and she felt the +worldly downfall, severely. All this, and the shattered state of her +nerves tended to make her exacting and irritable; and as she had felt +seriously aggrieved for so many years of her life, she now regarded the +devotion of her children as a debt tardily paid, and the habit grew +insensibly upon her of increasing her demands, as she found everyone so +ready to submit to them. The possession of power had its usual effect. +She knew no mercy in its use. Her daughters were made to feel that if +they had been less headstrong and selfish in the past, she would have +been a vigorous and active woman to this day. Obviously, the very least +they could do, was to try by all means in their power, to lighten the +burden they had laid upon her. Yet Mrs. Fullerton was, by nature, +unselfish. She would have gladly sacrificed herself for her children's +good, as indeed she had persistently and doggedly sacrificed herself for +them, during their childhood, but naturally she had her own view of what +constituted their "good." It did not consist in wasting one's youth and +looks among the slums of the East End, or in deserting one's home to +study music and mix in a set of second-rate people, in an out-of-the-way +district of Paris. As for Hadria's conduct about little Martha, Mrs. +Fullerton could scarcely bring herself to speak about it. It terrified +her. She thought it indicated some taint of madness in her daughter's +mind. Two charming children of her own and--but Mrs. Fullerton, with a +painful flush, would turn her mind from the subject. She had to believe +her daughter either mad or bad, and that was terrible to her maternal +pride. She could indeed scarcely believe that it had not all been a +painful dream, for Hadria was now so good and dutiful, so tender and +watchful; how _could_ she have behaved so abominably, so crazily? Every +day Hadria came to the cottage, generally with a bunch of fresh flowers +to place by her mother's couch, and then all the affairs of the +household were talked over and arranged, the daughter doing what was +needed in the way of ordering provisions or writing notes, for the +invalid could now write only with the greatest difficulty. Then Mrs. +Fullerton liked to have a chat, to hear what was in the papers, what was +going on in the neighbourhood, and to discuss all sorts of dreary +details, over and over again. Books that Hadria would sometimes bring +were generally left unread, unless they were light novels of a rigidly +conventional character. Mrs. Fullerton grew so excited in her +condemnation of any other kind, that it was dangerous to put them before +her. In the evenings, the old couple liked to have a rubber, and often +Hubert and Hadria would make up the necessary quartett; four silent +human beings, who sat like solemn children at their portentous play, +while the clock on the mantel-piece recorded the moments of their lives +that they dedicated to the mimic battle. Hours and hours were spent in +this way. But Hadria found that she could not endure it every night, +much to the surprise of her parents. The monotony, the incessant +recurrence, had a disastrous effect on her nerves, suggesting wild and +desperate impulses. + +"I should go out of my mind, if I had no breaks," she said at last, +after trying it for some months. "In the interests of future rubbers, I +_must_ leave off, now and then. He that plays and runs away, will live +to play another day." + +Mrs. Fullerton thought it strange that Hadria could not do even this +little thing for her parents, without grumbling, but she did not wish to +make a martyr of her. They must try and find some one else to take her +place occasionally. + +Sometimes Joseph Fleming would accept the post, sometimes Lord Engleton, +and often Ernest or Fred, whose comparatively well-ordered minds were +not sent off their balance so easily as Hadria's. In this fashion, the +time went by, and the new state of affairs already seemed a hundred +years old. Paris was a clear, but far-off dream. An occasional letter +from Madame Vauchelet or Jouffroy, who mourned and wailed over Hadria's +surrender of her work, served to remind her that it had once been actual +and living. There still existed a Paris far away beyond the hills, +brilliant, vivid, exquisite, inspiring, and at this very moment the +people were coming and going, the river was flowing, the little steamers +plying,--but how hard it was to realise! + +The family was charmed with the position of affairs. + +"It is such a mercy things have happened as they have!" was the verdict, +delivered with much wise shaking of heads. "There can be no more mad or +disgraceful behaviour on the part of Hubert's wife, that is one comfort. +She can't murder her mother outright, though she has not been far off +it!" + +From the first, Hadria had understood what the future must be. These +circumstances could not be overcome by any deed that she could bring +herself to do. Even Valeria was baffled. Her theories would not quite +work. Hadria looked things straight in the face. That which was +strongest and most essential in her must starve; there was no help for +it, and no one was directly to blame, not even herself. Fate, chance, +Providence, the devil, or whatever it was, had determined against her +particular impulses and her particular view of things. After all, it +would have been rather strange if these powers had happened exactly to +agree with her. She was not so ridiculous (she told herself) as to feel +personally aggrieved, but so long as fate, chance, Providence, or the +devil, gave her emotions and desires and talent and will, it was +impossible not to suffer. She might fully recognise that the suffering +was of absolutely no importance in the great scheme of things, but that +did not make the suffering less. If it must be, it must be, and there +was an end to it. Should someone gain by it, that was highly +satisfactory, and more than could be said of most suffering, which +exists, it would seem, only to increase and multiply after the manner of +some dire disease. This was what Hadria dreaded in her own case: that +the loss would not end with her. The children, Martha, everyone who came +under her influence, must share in it. + +Henriette irritated her by an approving sweetness of demeanour, +carefully avoiding any look of triumph, or rather triumphing by that air +which said: "I wouldn't crow over you for the world!" + +She was evidently brimming over with satisfaction. A great peril, she +felt, had been averted. The family and its reputation were saved. + +"You appear to think that the eyes of Europe are riveted on the +Temperley family," said Hadria; "an august race, I know, but there _are_ +one or two other branches of the human stock in existence." + +"One _must_ consider what people say," said Henriette. + +Hadria's time now was filled more and more with detail, since there were +two households instead of one to manage. The new charge was +particularly difficult, because she had not a free hand. + +Without entirely abandoning her music, it had, perforce, to fall into +abeyance. Progress was scarcely possible. But as Henriette pointed +out--it gave so much pleasure to others--when Hadria avoided music that +was too severely classical. + +At Craddock Place, one evening, she was taken in to dinner by a callow +youth, who found a fertile subject for his wit, in the follies and +excesses of what he called the "new womanhood." It was so delightful, he +said, to come to the country, where women were still charming in the +good old way. He knew that this new womanhood business was only a phase, +don't you know, but upon his word, he was getting tired of it. Not that +he had any objection to women being well educated (Hadria was glad of +that), but he could _not_ stand it when they went out of their sphere, +and put themselves forward and tried to be emancipated, and all that +sort of nonsense. + +Hadria was not surprised that he could not stand it. + +There had been a scathing article, the youth said, in one of the evening +papers. He wondered how the "New Woman" felt after reading it! It simply +made mincemeat of her. + +"Wretched creature!" Hadria exclaimed. + +The youth wished that women would really _do_ something, instead of +making all this fuss. + +Hadria agreed that it _was_ a pity they were so inactive. Could not one +or two of the more favoured sex manage to inspire them with a little +initiative? + +The youth considered that women were, by nature, passive and reflective, +not original. + +Hadria thought the novelty of that idea not the least of its charms. + +The youth allowed that, in her own way, and in her own sphere, woman was +charming and singularly intelligent. He had no objection to her +developing as much as she pleased, in proper directions. (Hadria felt +really encouraged.) But it was so absurd to pretend that women could do +work that was peculiar to men. (Hadria agreed, with a chuckle.) When had +they written one of Shakespeare's dramas? (When indeed? History was +ominously silent on that point.) + +"Hadria, what is amusing you?" enquired her hostess, across the table. + +"Oh, well--only the discouraging fact that no woman, as Mr. St. George +convincingly points out, has ever written one of Shakespeare's dramas!" + +"Oh," said Lady Engleton with a broad smile, "but you know, Mr. St. +George, we really haven't had quite the same chances, have we?" + +Perhaps not quite, as far as literature went, the youth admitted +tolerantly, but there was failure in original work in every direction. +This was no blame to women; they were not made that way, but facts _had_ +to be recognised. Women's strength lay in a different domain--in the +home. It was of no use to try to fight against Nature. Look at music for +instance; one required no particular liberty to pursue _that_ art, yet +where were the women-composers? If there was so much buried talent among +women, why didn't they arise and bring out operas and oratorios? + +Hadria couldn't understand it; especially as the domestic life was +arranged, one might almost say, with a special view to promoting musical +talent in the mistress of the household. Yet where were those oratorios? +She shook her head. Mr. St. George, she thought, had clearly proved that +the inherent nature of women was passive and imitative, while that of +man, even in the least remarkable examples of the sex, was always +powerful and original to the verge of the perilous! + +"I think we had better go to the drawing-room," said Lady Engleton, +discreetly. The youth twirled his moustaches thoughtfully, as the ladies +filed out. + +Hadria's happiest hours were now those that she spent with little +Martha, who was growing rapidly in stature and intelligence. The +child's lovable nature blossomed sweetly under the influence of Hadria's +tenderness. When wearied, and sad at heart, an hour in the Priory +garden, or a saunter along the roadside with little Martha, was like the +touch of a fresh breeze after the oppression of a heated room. Hadria's +attachment to the child had grown and grown, until it had become almost +a passion. How was the child to be saved from the usual fate of +womanhood? Hadria often felt a thrill of terror, when the beautiful blue +eyes looked out, large and fearless, into the world that was just +unfolding before them, in its mysterious loveliness. + +The little girl gave promise of beauty. Even now there were elements +that suggested a moving, attracting nature. "At her peril," thought +Hadria, "a woman moves and attracts. If I can only save her!" + +Hadria had not seen Professor Fortescue since her return from Paris. She +felt that he, and he alone, could give her courage, that he and he alone +could save her from utter despondency. If only he would come! For the +first time in her life, she thought of writing to ask him for personal +help and advice. Before she had carried out this idea, the news came +that he was ill, that the doctor wished him to go abroad, but that he +was forced to remain in England, for another three months, to complete +some work, and to set some of his affairs in order. Hadria, in +desperation, was thinking of throwing minor considerations to the winds, +and going to see for herself the state of affairs (it could be managed +without her mother's knowledge, and so would not endanger her health or +life), when the two boys were sent back hastily from school, where +scarlet fever had broken out. They must have caught the infection before +leaving, for they were both taken ill. + +Valeria came down to Craddock Dene, for the day. She seemed almost +distraught. Hadria could see her only at intervals. The sick children +required all her attention. Valeria wished to visit them. She had +brought the poor boys each a little gift. + +"But you may take the fever," Hadria remonstrated. + +Valeria gave a scornful snort. + +"Are you tired of life?" + +"I? Yes. It is absurd. I have no place in it, no tie, nothing to bind me +to my fellows or my race. What do they care for a faded, fretful woman?" + +"You know how your friends care for you, Valeria. You know, for +instance, what you have been in my life." + +"Ah, my dear, I _don't_ know! I have a wretched longing for some strong, +absorbing affection, something paramount, satisfying. I envy you your +devotion to that poor little child; you can shew it, you can express it, +and you have the child's love in return. But I, who want much more than +that, shall never get even that. I threw away the chance when I had it, +and now I shall end my days, starving." + +Hadria was silent. She felt that these words covered something more than +their ostensible meaning. + +"I fear Professor Fortescue is very ill," said Valeria restlessly. + +Her face was flushed, and her eyes burnt. + +"I fear he is," said Hadria sadly. + +"If--if he were to die----" Hadria gave a low, horrified exclamation. + +"Surely there is no danger of that!" + +"Of course there is: he told me that he did not expect to recover." + +Valeria was crouching before the fire, with a look of blank despair. +Hadria, pale to the lips, took her hand gently and held it between her +own. Valeria's eyes suddenly filled with tears. "Ah, Hadria, you will +understand, you will not despise me--you will only be sorry for me--why +should I not tell you? It is eating my heart out--have you never +suspected, never guessed----?" + +Hadria, with a startled look, paused to consider, and then, stroking +back the beautiful white hair with light touch, she said, "I think I +have known without knowing that I knew. It wanted just these words of +yours to light up the knowledge. Oh, Valeria, have you carried this +burden for all these years?" + +"Ever since I first met him, which was just before he met his wife. I +knew, from the first, that it was hopeless. He introduced her to me +shortly after his engagement. He was wrapped up in her. With him, it was +once and for all. He is not the man to fall in love and out of it, over +and over again. We were alike in that. With me, too, it was once for +all. Oh, the irony of life!" Valeria went on with an outburst of energy, +"I was doomed to doom others to similar loss; others have felt for me, +in vain, what I, in vain, felt for him! I sent them all away, because I +could not bring myself to endure the thought of marrying any other man, +and so I pass my days alone--a waif and stray, without anything or +anyone to live for." + +"At least you have your work to live for, which is to live for many, +instead of for one or two." + +"Ah, that does not satisfy the heart." + +"What _does_?" Hadria exclaimed. + +Anxiety about Professor Fortescue now made a gloomy background to the +responsibilities of Hadria's present life. Valeria's occasional visits +were its bright spots. She looked forward to them, with pathetic +eagerness. The friendship became closer than it had ever been before, +since Valeria had confided her sad secret. + +"Yet, Valeria, I envy you." + +"Envy me?" she repeated blankly. + +"I have never known what a great passion like that means; I have never +felt what you feel, and surely to live one's life with all its pettiness +and pain, yet never to know its extreme experiences, is sadder than to +have those experiences and suffer through them." + +"Ah, yes, you are right," Valeria admitted. "I would not be without it +if I could." + +The thought of what she had missed was beginning to take a hold upon +Hadria. Her life was passing, passing, and the supreme gifts would never +be hers. She must for ever stand outside, and be satisfied with shadows +and echoes. + +"Are you very miserable, Hadria?" Valeria asked, one day. + +"I am benumbed a little now," Hadria replied. "That must be, if one is +to go on at all. It is a provision of nature, I suppose. All that was +threatening before I went to Paris, is now being fulfilled. I can +scarcely realize how I could ever have had the hopefulness to make that +attempt. I might have known I could not succeed, as things are. How +_could_ I? But I am glad of the memory. It pains me sometimes, when all +the acute delight and charm return, at the call of some sound or scent, +some vivid word; but I would not be without the memory and the dream--my +little illusion." + +"Supposing," said Valeria after a long pause, "that you could live your +life over again, what would you do?" + +"I don't know. It is my impression that in my life, as in the lives of +most women, all roads lead to Rome. Whether one does this or that, one +finds oneself in pretty much the same position at the end. It doesn't +answer to rebel against the recognized condition of things, and it +doesn't answer to submit. Only generally one _must_, as in my case. A +choice of calamities is not always permitted." + +"It is so difficult to know which is the least," said Valeria. + +"I don't believe there _is_ a 'least.' They are both unbearable. It is a +question which best fits one's temperament, which leads soonest to +resignation." + +"Oh, Hadria, you would never achieve resignation!" cried Valeria. + +"Oh, some day, perhaps!" + +Valeria shook her head. She had no belief in Hadria's powers in that +direction. Hopelessness was her nearest approach to that condition of +cheerful acquiescence which, Hadria had herself said, profound faith or +profound stupidity can perhaps equally inspire. + +"At least," said Valeria, "you know that you are useful and helpful to +those around you. You make your mother happy." + +"No, my mother is not happy. My work is negative. I just manage to +prevent her dying of grief. One must not be too ambitious in this stern +world. One can't make people happy merely by reducing oneself, morally, +to a jelly. Sometimes, by that means, one can dodge battle and murder +and sudden death." + +"It is terrible!" cried Valeria. + +"But meanwhile one lays the seed of future calamities, to avoid which +some other future woman will have to become jelly. The process always +reminds me of the old practice of the Anglo-Saxon kings, who used to buy +off the Danes when they threatened invasion, and so pampered the enemy +whom their successors would afterwards have to buy off at a still more +ruinous cost. I am buying off the Danes, Valeria." + + + + +CHAPTER XL. + + +"Do you know it is a year to-day, since we came to this cottage?" +exclaimed Mrs. Fullerton. "How the time flies!" + +The remark was made before the party settled to the evening's whist. + +"You are looking very much better than you did a month after your +illness, Mrs. Fullerton," said Joseph Fleming, who was to take a hand, +while Hadria played Grieg or Chopin, or Scottish melodies to please the +old people. The whist-players enjoyed music during the game. + +"Ah, I shall never be well," said Mrs. Fullerton. "One can't recover +from long worry, Mr. Fleming. Shall we cut for partners?" + +It was a quaint, low-pitched little room, filled with familiar furniture +from Dunaghee, which recalled the old place at every turn. The game went +on in silence. The cards were dealt, taken up, shuffled, sorted, played, +massed together, cut, dealt, sorted, and so on, round and round; four +grave faces deeply engrossed in the process, while the little room was +filled with music. + +Mrs. Fullerton had begun to feel slightly uneasy about her daughter. "So +much nursing has told upon her," said everyone. The illness of the two +boys had come at an unfortunate moment. She looked worn and white, and +dreadfully thin. She seemed cheerful, and at times her mood was even +merry, but she could not recover strength. At the end of the day, she +would be completely exhausted. This had not been surprising at first, +after the long strain of nursing, but Mrs. Fullerton thought it was +time that she began to mend. She feared that Hadria spent too many hours +over her composing; she sat up at night, perhaps. What good did all this +composing do? Nobody ever heard of it. Such a sad pity that she could +not see the folly of persevering in the fruitless effort. + +Lady Engleton was sure that Hadria saw too few people, lived too +monotonous a life. Craddock Place was filled with guests just now, and +Lady Engleton used her utmost persuasion to induce Hubert and Hadria to +come to dinner, or to join the party, in the evening, whenever they +could. + +Hadria shrank from the idea. It was adding another burden to her already +failing strength. To talk coherently, to be lively and make oneself +agreeable, to have to think about one's dress,--it all seemed +inexpressibly wearisome. But Lady Engleton was so genuinely eager to +administer her cure that Hadria yielded, half in gratitude, half in +order to save the effort of further resistance. + +She dragged herself upstairs to dress, wishing to heaven she had +refused, after all. The thought of the lights, the sound of voices, the +complexity of elements and of life that she had to encounter, made her +shrink into herself. She had only one evening gown suitable for the +occasion. It was of some white silken stuff, with dull rich surface. A +bunch of yellow roses and green leaves formed the decoration. Hubert +approved of her appearance. To her own surprise she felt some new +feeling creep into her, under the influence of the exquisite attire. It +put her a little more in tune. At least there were beautiful and dainty +things in the world. The fresh green of the rose leaves, and the full +yet delicate yellow of the fragrant roses on the creamy lace, evoked a +feeling akin to the emotion stirred by certain kinds of music; or, in +other words, the artistic sensibility had been appealed to through +colour and texture, instead of through harmony. + +The drawing-room at Craddock Place was glowing with subdued +candle-light. Lady Engleton's rooms carried one back to a past epoch, +among the dainty fancies and art of a more leisurely and less vulgar +century. Lady Engleton admitted nothing that had not the quality of +distinction, let it have what other quality it might. Hadria's mood, +initiated at home, received impetus at Craddock Place. It was a +luxurious mood. She desired to receive rather than to give: to be +delicately ministered to; to claim the services of generations of +artists, who had toiled with fervour to attain that grand ease and +simplicity, through faithful labour and the benison of heaven. + +Hadria had attracted many eyes as she entered the room. Unquestionably +she was looking her best to-night, in spite of her extreme pallor. She +was worthy to take her place among the beautiful objects of art that +Lady Engleton had collected round her. She had the same quality. Hubert +vaguely perceived this. He heard the idea expressed in so many words by +a voice that he knew. He looked round, and saw Professor Theobald +bending confidentially towards Joseph Fleming. + +"Oh, Professor, I did not know you were to be here to-night!" + +"What has your guardian spirit been about, not to forewarn you?" asked +the Professor. + +"I am thinking of giving my guardian spirit a month's warning," returned +Hubert; "he has been extremely neglectful of late. And how have you been +getting on all this time, Professor?" + +Theobald gave some fantastic answer, and crossed the room to Mrs. +Temperley, who was by this time surrounded by a group of acquaintances, +among them Madame Bertaux, who had just come from Paris, and had news of +all Hadria's friends there. + +"Mrs. Temperley, may I also ask for one passing glance of recognition?" + +Hadria turned round with a little start, and a sudden unaccountable +sense of disaster. + +"Professor Theobald!" + +She did not look pleased to see him, and as they shook hands, his mouth +shut sharply, as it always did when his self-love was wounded. Then, a +gleam of resolve or cunning came into his face, and the next instant he +was at his suavest. + +"Do you know, Mrs. Temperley, I scarcely recognized you when you first +came in. 'Who can this beautiful, distinguished-looking woman be?' I +said to myself." + +Hadria smiled maliciously. + +"You think I am so much changed?" + +Professor Theobald began to chuckle. + +"The trowel, I see, is still your weapon," she added, "but I am +surprised that you have not learnt to wield the implement of sway with +more dexterity, Professor." + +"I am not accustomed to deal with such quick-witted ladies, Mrs. +Temperley." + +"You shew your hand most frankly," she answered; "it almost disarms +one." + +A few introductory chords sounded through the room. Hadria was sitting +in front of the window, across which the pale green curtains had been +drawn. Many eyes wandered towards her. + +"I should like to paint you just like that," murmured Lady Engleton; +"you can't imagine what a perfect bit of harmony you make, with my +brocade." A cousin of Lord Engleton was at the piano. He played an old +French gavotte. + +"That is the finishing touch," added Lady Engleton, below her breath. "I +should like to paint you and the curtains and Claude Moreton's gavotte +all together." + +The performance was received with enthusiasm. It deepened Hadria's mood, +set her pulses dancing. She assented readily to the request of her +hostess that she should play. She chose something fantastic and dainty. +It had a certain remoteness from life. + +"Like one of Watteau's pictures," said Claude Moreton, who was hanging +over the piano. He was tall and dark, with an expression that betrayed +his enthusiastic temperament. A group had collected, among them +Professor Theobald. Beside him stood Marion Fenwick, the bride whose +wedding had taken place at Craddock Church about eighteen months +before. + +It seemed as if Hadria were exercising some influence of a magnetic +quality. She was always the point of attraction, whether she created a +spell with her music, or her speech, or her mere personality. In her +present mood, this was peculiarly gratifying. The long divorce from +initiative work which events had compelled, the loss of nervous vigour, +the destruction of dream and hope, had all tended to throw her back on +more accessible forms of art and expression, and suggested passive +rather than active dealings with life. She was wearied with petty +responsibilities, and what she called semi-detached duties. It was a +relief to sit down in white silk and lace, and draw people to her simply +by the cheap spell of good looks and personal magnetism. That she +possessed these advantages, her life in Paris had made obvious. It was +the first time that she had been in contact with a large number of +widely differing types, and she had found that she could appeal to them +all, if she would. Since her return to England, anxieties and influences +extremely depressing had accustomed her to a somewhat gloomy atmosphere. +To-night the atmosphere was light and soft, brilliant and enervating. + +"This is my Capua," she said laughingly, to her hostess. + +It invited every luxurious instinct to come forth and sun itself. Marion +Fenwick's soft, sweet voice, singing Italian songs to the accompaniment +of the guitar, repeated the invitation. + +It was like a fairy gift. Energy would be required to refuse it. And +why, in heaven's name, if she might not have what she really wanted, was +she to be denied even the poor little triumphs of ornamental womanhood? +Was the social order which had frustrated her own ambitions to dominate +her conscience, and persuade her voluntarily to resign that _one_ +kingdom which cannot be taken from a woman, so long as her beauty lasts? + +Why should she abdicate? The human being was obviously susceptible to +personality beyond all other things. And beauty moved that absurd +creature preposterously. _There_, at least, the woman who chanced to be +born with these superficial attractions, had a royal territory, so long +as she could prevent her clamorous fellows from harassing and wearing +those attractions away. By no direct attack could the jealous powers +dethrone her. They could only do it indirectly, by appealing to the +conscience which they had trained; to the principles that they had +instilled; by convincing the woman that she owed herself, as a debt, to +her legal owner, to be paid in coined fragments of her being, till she +should end in inevitable bankruptcy, and the legal owner himself found +her a poor investment! + +It would have startled that roomful of people, who expressed everything +circuitously, pleasantly, without rough edges, had they read beneath +Mrs. Temperley's spoken words, these unspoken thoughts. + +Marion Fenwick's songs and the alluring softness of her guitar, seemed +the most fitting accompaniment to the warm summer night, whose breath +stirred gently the curtains by the open window, at the far end of the +room. + +Lady Engleton was delighted with the success of her efforts. Mrs. +Temperley had not looked so brilliant, so full of life, since her +mother's illness. Only yesterday, when she met her returning from the +Cottage, her eyes were like those of a dying woman, and now----! + +"People say ill-natured things about Mrs. Temperley," she confided to an +intimate friend, "but that is because they don't understand her." + +People might have been forgiven for not understanding her, as perhaps +her hostess felt, noticing Hadria's animation, and the extraordinary +power that she was wielding over everyone in the room, young and old. +That power seemed to burn in the deep eyes, whose expression changed +from moment to moment. Hadria's cheeks, for once, had a faint tinge of +colour. The mysterious character of her beauty became more marked. +Professor Theobald followed her, with admiring and studious gaze. +Whether she had felt remorseful for her somewhat unfriendly greeting at +the beginning of the evening, or from some other cause, her manner to +him had changed. It was softer, less mocking. He perceived it instantly, +and pursued his advantage. The party still centred eagerly round the +piano. Hadria was under the influence of music; therefore less careful +and guarded than usual, more ready to sway on the waves of emotion. And +beyond all these influences, tending in the same direction, was the +underlying spirit of rebellion against the everlasting "Thou shalt not" +that met a woman at every point, and turned her back from all paths save +one. And following that one (so ran Hadria's insurrectionary thoughts), +the obedient creature had to give up every weapon of her womanhood; +every grace, every power; tramping along that crowded highway, whereon +wayworn sisters toil forward, with bandaged eyes, and bleeding feet; and +as their charm fades, in the pursuing of their dusty pilgrimage, the +shouts, and taunts, and insults, and laughter of their taskmasters +follow them, while still they stumble on to the darkening land that +awaits them, at the journey's end: Old Age, the vestibule of Death. + +Hadria's eyes gleamed strangely. + +"They shall not have their way with me too easily. I can at least give +my pastors and masters a little trouble. I can at least fight for it, +losing battle though it be." + +The only person who seemed to resist Hadria's influence to-night, was +Mrs. Jordan, the mother of Marion Fenwick. + +"My dear madam," said Professor Theobald, bending over the portly form +of Mrs. Jordan, "a woman's first duty is to be charming." + +"Oh, that comes naturally, Professor," said Hadria, "though it is rather +for _you_ than for _me_ to say that. You are always missing +opportunities." + +"Believe me, I will miss them no more," he said emphatically. + +"Tell us _your_ idea of a woman's duty, Mrs. Jordan," prompted Madame +Bertaux maliciously. Mrs. Jordan delivered herself of various immemorial +sentiments which met the usual applause. But Madame Bertaux said +brusquely that she thought if that sort of thing were preached at women +much longer, they would end by throwing over duty altogether, in sheer +disgust at the whole one-sided business. Mrs. Jordan bristled, and +launched herself upon a long and virtuous sentence. Her daughter Marion +looked up sharply when Madame Bertaux spoke. Then a timid, cautious +glance fell on her mother. Marion had lost her freshness and her +exquisite ætherial quality; otherwise there was little change in her +appearance. Hadria was struck by the way in which she had looked at +Madame Bertaux, and it occurred to her that Marion Fenwick was probably +not quite so acquiescent and satisfied as her friends supposed. But she +would not speak out. Early training had been too strong for her. + +Professor Theobald was unusually serious to-night. He did not respond to +Hadria's flippancy. He looked at her with grave, sympathetic eyes. He +seemed to intimate that he understood all that was passing in her mind, +and was not balked by sprightly appearances. There was no sign of +cynicism now, no bandying of compliments. His voice had a new ring of +sincerity. It was a mood that Hadria had noticed in him once or twice +before, and when it occurred, her sympathy was aroused; she felt that +she had done him injustice. _This_ was evidently the real man; his +ordinary manner must be merely the cloak that the civilized being +acquires the habit of wrapping round him, as a protection against the +curiosity of his fellows. The Professor himself expressed it almost in +those words: "It is because of the infinite variety of type and the +complexity of modern life which the individual is called upon to +encounter, that a sort of fancy dress has to be worn by all of us, as a +necessary shield to our individuality and our privacy. We cannot go +through the complex process of adjustment to each new type that we come +across, so by common consent, we wear our domino, and respect the +unwritten laws of the great _bal masqué_ that we call society." + +The conversation took more and more intimate and serious turns. Mrs. +Jordan was the only check upon it. Madame Bertaux followed up her first +heresy by others even more bold. + +"Whenever one wants very particularly to have one's way about a matter," +she said, "one sneaks off and gets somebody else persuaded that it is +his duty to sacrifice himself for us--_c'est tout simple_--and the +chances are that he meekly does it. If he doesn't, at least one has the +satisfaction of making him feel a guilty wretch, and setting oneself up +with a profitable grievance for life." + +"To the true woman," said Mrs. Jordan, who had ruled her family with a +rod of iron for thirty stern years, "there is no joy to equal that of +self-sacrifice." + +"Except that of exacting it," added Hadria. + +"I advise everyone desirous of dominion to preach that duty, in and out +of season," said Madame Bertaux. "It is seldom that the victims even +howl, so well have we trained them." + +"Truly I hope so!" cried Professor Theobald. "It must be most galling +when their lamentations prevent one from committing one's justifiable +homicide in peace and quietness. Imagine the discomfort of having a +half-educated victim to deal with, who can't hold his tongue and let one +perform the operation quietly and comfortably. It is enough to embitter +any Christian!" + +The party broke up, with many cordial expressions of pleasure, and +several plans were made for immediately meeting again. Lady Engleton was +delighted to see that Mrs. Temperley entered with animation, into some +projects for picnics and excursions in the neighbourhood. + +"Did I not tell you that all you wanted was a little lively society?" +she said, with genuine warmth, as the two women stood in the hall, a +little apart from the others. + +Hadria's eye-lids suddenly fell and reddened slightly. + +"Oh, you are so kind!" she exclaimed, in a voice whose tones betrayed +the presence of suppressed tears. + +Lady Engleton, in astonishment, stretched out a sisterly hand, but +Hadria had vanished through the open hall door into the darkness +without. + + + + +CHAPTER XLI. + + +Mrs. Temperley was much discussed at Craddock Place. Professor Theobald +preserved the same grave mood whenever she was present. He only returned +to his usual manner, in her absence. "Theobald has on his Mrs. Temperley +manner," Claude Moreton used to say. The latter was himself among her +admirers. + +"I begin to be afraid that Claude is taking her too seriously," Lady +Engleton remarked to her husband. He had fired up on one occasion when +Professor Theobald said something flippant about Mrs. Temperley. Claude +Moreton's usual calmness had caused the sudden outburst to be noticed +with surprise. He hated Professor Theobald. + +"What possesses you both to let that fellow come here so much?" + +"The Professor? Oh, he is a very old friend, you know, and extremely +clever. One has to put up with his manner." + +Claude Moreton grunted. "These, at any rate, are no reasons why Mrs. +Temperley should put up with his manner!" + +"But, my dear Claude, as you are always pointing out, the Professor has +a special manner which he keeps exclusively for her." + +The special manner had already worked wonders. The Professor was to +Hadria by far the most entertaining person of the party. He had always +amused her, and even the first time she saw him, he had exercised a +strange, unpleasant fascination over her, which had put her on the +defensive, for she had disliked and distrusted him. The meetings in the +Priory gardens had softened her hostility, and now she began to feel +more and more that she had judged him unfairly. In those days she had a +strong pre-occupying interest. He had arrived on the scene at an +exciting moment, just when she was planning out her flight to Paris. +She had not considered the Professor's character very deeply. There were +far too many other things to think of. It was simpler to avoid him. But +now everything had changed. The present moment was not exciting; she had +no plans and projects in her head; she was not about to court the fate +of Icarus. That fate had already overtaken her. The waves were closing +over-head; her wings were wet and crippled, in the blue depths. Why not +take what the gods had sent and make the most of it? + +The Professor had all sorts of strange lore, which he used, in his +conversations with Hadria, almost as a fisherman uses his bait. If she +shewed an inclination to re-join the rest of the party, he always +brought out some fresh titbit of curious learning, and Hadria was seldom +able to resist the lure. + +They met often, almost of necessity. It was impossible to feel a +stranger to the Professor, in these circumstances of frequent and +informal meeting. Often when Hadria happened to be alone with him, she +would become suddenly silent, as if she no longer felt the necessity to +talk or to conceal her weariness. The Professor knew it too well; he saw +how heavily the burden of life weighed upon her, and how it was often +almost more than she could do, to drag through the day. She craved for +excitement, no matter of what kind, in order to help her to forget her +weariness. Her anxiety about Professor Fortescue preyed upon her. She +was restless, over-wrought, with every nerve on edge, unable now for +consecutive work, even had events permitted it. She followed the advice +and took the medicines of a London doctor, whom Mrs. Fullerton had +entreated her to consult, but she gained no ground. + +"I begin to understand how it is that people take to drinking," she said +to Algitha, who used to bemoan this vice, with its terrible results, of +which she had seen so much. + +"Ah! don't talk of it in that light way!" cried Algitha. "It is the +fashion to treat it airily, but if people only knew what an awful curse +it is, I think they would feel ashamed to be 'moderate' and indifferent +about it." + +"I don't mean to treat it or anything that brings harm and suffering +'moderately,'" returned Hadria. "I mean only that I can see why the vice +is so common. It causes forgetfulness, and I suppose most people crave +for that." + +"I think, Hadria, if I may be allowed to say so, that you are finding +your excitement in another direction." + +"You mean that I am trying to find a substitute for the pleasures of +drunkenness in those of flirtation." + +"I should not like to think that you had descended to _conscious_ +flirtation." + +Hadria looked steadily into the flames. They were in the morning-room, +where towards night-fall, even in summer, a small fire usually burnt in +the grate. + +"When I remember what you used to think and what you used to be to us +all, in the old days at Dunaghee, I feel bitterly pained at what you are +doing, Hadria. You don't know where it may lead to, and besides it seems +so beneath you in every way." + +"Appeals to the conscience!" cried Hadria, "I knew they would begin!" + +"You knew _what_ would begin?" + +"Appeals, exhortations to forego the sole remaining interest, +opportunity, or amusement that is left one! Ah, dear Algitha, I know you +mean it kindly and I admire you for speaking out, but I am not going to +be cajoled in that way! I am not going to be turned back and set +tramping along the stony old road, so long as I can find a pleasanter +by-way to loiter in. It sounds bad I know. Our drill affects us to the +last, through every fibre. My duty! By what authority do people choose +for me my duty? If I can be forced to abide by their decision in the +matter, let them be satisfied with their power to coerce me, but let +them leave my conscience alone. It does not dance to their piping." + +"But you cannot care for this sort of excitement, Hadria." + +"If I can get nothing else----?" + +"Even then, I can't see what you can find in it to make you willing to +sink from your old ideals." + +"Ideals! A woman with ideals is like a drowning creature with a +mill-stone round its neck! I have had enough of ideals!" + +"It is a sad day to me when I hear you say so, Hadria!" the sister +exclaimed. + +"Algitha, there is just one solitary weapon that _can't_ be taken from a +woman--and so it is considerately left to her. Ah, it is a dangerous toy +when brandished dexterously! Sometimes it sends a man or two away +howling. Our pastors and masters have a wholesome dread of the murderous +thing--and what wails, and satires, and lamentations it inspires! +Consult the literature of all lands and ages! Heaven-piercing! The only +way of dealing with the awkward dilemma is to get the woman persuaded to +be 'good,' and to lay down her weapon of her own accord, and let it +rust. How many women have been so persuaded! Not I!" + +"I know, and I understand how you feel; but oh, Hadria, _this_ is not +the way to fight, _this_ will bring no good to anyone. And as for +admiration, the admiration of men--why, you know it is not worth +having--of this sort." + +"Oh, do I not know it! It is less than worthless. But I am not seeking +anything of permanent value; I am seeking excitement, and the +superficial satisfaction of brandishing the weapon that everyone would +be charmed to see me lay in the dust. I _won't_ lay it down to please +anybody. Dear me, it will soon rust of its own accord. You might as well +ask some luckless warrior who stands at bay, facing overwhelming odds, +to yield up his sword and leave himself defenceless. It is an insult to +one's common sense." + +Algitha's remonstrance seemed only to inflame her sister's mood, so she +said no more. But she watched Hadria's increasingly reckless conduct, +with great uneasiness. + +"It really _is_ exciting!" exclaimed Hadria, with a strange smile. The +whole party had migrated for the day, to the hills at a distance of +about ten miles from Craddock Dene. A high spot had been chosen, on the +edge of woodland shade, looking out over a wide distance of plain and +far-off ranges. Here, as Claude Moreton remarked, they were to spoil the +landscape, by taking their luncheon. + +"Or what is worse, by giving ourselves rheumatism," added Lord +Engleton. + +"What grumbling creatures men are!" exclaimed his wife, "and what +pleasures they lose for themselves and make impossible for others, by +this stupid habit of dwelling upon the disadvantages of a situation, +instead of on its charms." + +"We ought to dwell upon the fowl and the magnificent prospect, and +ignore the avenging rheumatism," said Claude Moreton. + +"Oh no, guard against it," advised Algitha, with characteristic common +sense. "Sit on this waterproof, for instance." + +"Ah, there you have the true philosophy!" cried Professor Theobald. +"Contentment and forethought. Observe the symbol of forethought." He +spread the waterproof to the wind. + +"There is nothing like a contented spirit!" cried Lady Engleton. + +"Who is it that says you knock a man into a ditch, and then you tell him +to remain content in the position in which Providence has placed him?" +asked Hadria. + +"Even contentment has its dangers," said Claude Moreton, dreamily. + +At the end of the meal, Hadria rose from the rug where she had been +reclining, with the final assertion, that she thought the man who was +knocked into the ditch and told to do his duty there, would do the best +service to mankind, as well as to himself, by making a horrid clamour +and trying to get out again. A group collected round her, almost +immediately. + +"Mrs. Fenwick, won't you give us a song!" cried Madame Bertaux. "I see +you have been kind enough to bring your guitar." + +Marion was enthroned upon the picnic-basket, with much pomp, and her +guitar placed in her hand by Claude Moreton. Her figure, in her white +gown and large straw hat, had for background the shadows of thick woods. + +Professor Theobald sank down on the grass at Hadria's side. She felt +that his mood was agitated. She could not be in much doubt as to its +cause. The reckless _rôle_ that she had been playing was bringing its +result. Hadria was half alarmed, half exultant. She had a strange, vague +notion of selling her life dearly, to the enemy. Only, of late, this +feeling had been mixed with another, of which she was scarcely +conscious. The subtle fascination which the Professor exercised over her +had taken a stronger hold, far stronger than she knew. + +She was sitting on a little knoll, her arm resting on her knee, and her +cheek in her hand. In the exquisitely graceful attitude, was an element +of self-abandonment. It seemed as if she had grown tired of guiding and +directing herself, and were now commending herself to fate or fortune, +to do with her as they would, or must. + +Marion struck a quiet chord. Her voice was sweet and tender and full, +admirably suited to the song. Every nerve in Hadria answered to her +tones. + + "Oh, gather me the rose, the rose + While yet in flower we find it; + For summer smiles, but summer goes, + And winter waits behind it. + + "For with the dream foregone, foregone, + The deed foreborne for ever, + The worm regret will canker on, + And time will turn him never." + +Professor Theobald shifted his position slightly. + + "Ah, well it were to love, my love, + And cheat of any laughter + The fate beneath us and above, + The dark before and after. + + "The myrtle and the rose, the rose, + The sunlight and the swallow, + The dream that comes, the dream that goes, + The memories that follow." + +The song was greeted with a vague stir among the silent audience. A +little breeze gave a deep satisfied sigh, among the trees. + +Several other songs followed, and then the party broke up. They were to +amuse themselves as they pleased during the afternoon, and to meet on +the same spot for five o'clock tea. + +"I _wish_ Hadria would not be so reckless!" cried Algitha anxiously. +"Have you seen her lately?" + +"When last I saw her," said Valeria, "she had strolled off with the +Professor and Mr. Moreton. Mr. Fleming and Lord Engleton were following +with Mrs. Fenwick." + +"There is safety in numbers, at any rate, but I am distressed about her. +It is all very well what she says, about not allowing her woman's sole +weapon to be wrenched from her, but she can't use it in this way, +safely. One can't play with human emotions without coming to grief." + +"A man, at any rate, has no idea of being led an emotional dance," said +Miss Du Prel. + +"Hadria has, I believe, at the bottom of her heart, a lurking desire to +hurt men, because they have hurt women so terribly," said Algitha. + +"One can understand the impulse, but the worst of it is, that one is +certain to pay back the score on the good man, and let the other go +free." + +Algitha shook her head, regretfully. + +"Did Hadria never show this impulse before?" + +"Never in my life have I seen her exercise her power so ruthlessly." + +"I rather think she is wise after all," said Miss Du Prel reflectively. +"She might be sorry some day never to have tasted what she is tasting +now." + +"But it seems to me dreadful. There is not a man who is not influenced +by her in the strangest manner; even poor Joseph Fleming, who used to +look up to her so. In my opinion, she is acting very wrongly." + +"'He that has eaten his fill does not pity the hungry,' as the Eastern +proverb puts it. Come now, Algitha, imagine yourself to be cut off from +the work that supremely interests you, and thrown upon Craddock Dene +without hope of respite, for the rest of your days. Don't you think you +too might be tempted to try experiments with a power whose strength you +had found to be almost irresistible?" + +"Perhaps I should," Algitha admitted. + +"I don't say she is doing right, but you must remember that you have +not the temperament that prompts to these outbursts. I suppose that is +only to say that you are better than Hadria, by nature. I think perhaps +you are, but remember you have had the life and the work that you chose +above all others--she has not." + +"Heaven knows I don't set myself above Hadria," cried Algitha. "I have +always looked up to her. Don't you know how painful it is when people +you respect do things beneath them?" + +"Hadria will disappoint us all in some particular," said Miss Du Prel. +"She will not correspond exactly to anybody's theory or standard, not +even her own. It is a defect which gives her character a quality of the +unexpected, that has for me, infinite attraction." + +Miss Du Prel had never shewn so much disposition to support Hadria's +conduct as now, when disapproval was general. She had a strong +fellow-feeling for a woman who desired to use her power, and she was +half disposed to regard her conduct as legitimate. At any rate, it was a +temptation almost beyond one's powers of resistance. If a woman might +not do this, what, in heaven's name, _might_ she do? Was she not +eternally referred to her woman's influence, her woman's kingdom? Surely +a day's somewhat murderous sport was allowable in _that_ realm! After +all, energy, ambition, nervous force, _must_ have an outlet somewhere. +Men could look after themselves. They had no mercy on women when they +lay in their power. Why should a woman be so punctilious? + +"Only the man is sure to get the best of it," she added, bitterly. "He +loses so little. It is a game where the odds are all on one side, and +the conclusion foregone." + +Unexpectedly, the underwood behind the speakers was brushed aside and +Hadria appeared before them. She looked perturbed. + +"What is it? Why are you by yourself?" + +"Oh, our party split up, long ago, into cliques, and we all became so +select, that, at last, we reduced each clique to one member. Behold the +very acme of selectness!" Hadria stood before them, in an attitude of +hauteur. + +"This sounds like evasion," said Algitha. + +"And if it were, what right have you to try to force me to tell what I +do not volunteer?" + +"True," said her sister; "I beg your pardon." + +Miss Du Prel rose. "I will leave you to yourselves," she said, walking +away. + +Hadria sat down and rested one elbow on the grass, looking over the +sweep of the hill towards the distance. "That is almost like our old +vision in the caves, Algitha; mist and distant lands--it was a false +prophecy. You were talking about me when I came up, were you not?" + +"Did you hear?" + +"No, but I feel sure of it." + +"Well, I confess it," said Algitha. "We are both very uneasy about you." + +"If one never did anything all one's life to make one's friends uneasy, +I wonder if one would have any fun." + +Algitha shook her head anxiously. + +"'Choose what you want and pay for it,' is the advice of some accredited +sage," Hadria observed. + +"Women have to pay so high," said Algitha. + +"So much the worse, but there is such a thing as false economy." + +"But seriously, Hadria, if one may speak frankly, I can't see that the +game is worth the candle. You have tested your power sufficiently. What +more do you want? Claude Moreton is too nice and too good a man to +trifle with. And poor Joseph Fleming! That is to me beyond everything." + +Hadria flushed deeply. + +"I never dreamt that he--I--I never tried, never thought for a +moment----" + +"Ah! that is just the danger, Hadria. Your actions entail unintended +consequences. As Miss Du Prel says, 'It is always the good men whom one +wounds; the others wound us.'" Hadria was silent. "And Claude Moreton," +continued Algitha presently. "He is far too deeply interested in you, +far too absorbed in what you say and do. I have watched him. It is +cruel." + +Hadria grew fierce. "Has _he_ never cruelly injured a woman? Has _he_ +not at least given moral support to the hideous indignities that all +womanhood has to endure at men's hands? At best one can make a man +suffer. But men also humiliate us, degrade us, jeer at, ridicule the +miseries that they and their society entail upon us. Yet for sooth, they +must be spared the discomfort of becoming a little infatuated with a +woman for a time--a short time, at worst! Their feelings must be +considered so tenderly!" + +"But what good do you do by your present conduct?" asked Algitha, +sticking persistently to the practical side of the matter. + +"I am not trying to do good. I am merely refusing to obey these rules +for our guidance, which are obviously drawn up to safeguard man's +property and privilege. Whenever I can find a man-made precept, that +will I carefully disobey; whenever the ruling powers seek to guide me +through my conscience, there shall they fail!" + +"You forget that in playing with the feelings of others you are placing +yourself in danger, Hadria. How can you be sure that you won't yourself +fall desperately in love with one of your intended victims?" Hadria's +eyes sparkled. + +"I wish to heaven I only could!" she exclaimed. "I would give my right +hand to be in the sway of a complete undoubting, unquestioning passion +that would make all suffering and all life seem worth while; some +emotion to take the place of my lost art, some full and satisfying sense +of union with a human soul to rescue one from the ghastly solitude of +life. But I am raving like a girl. I am crying for the moon." + +"Ah, take care, take care, Hadria; that is a mood in which one may +mistake any twopenny-halfpenny little luminary for the impossible moon." + +"I think I should be almost ready to bless the beautiful illusion," +cried Hadria passionately. + + + + +CHAPTER XLII. + + +In the conversation with her sister, the name which Hadria had dreaded +to hear had not been mentioned. She felt as if she could not have met +her sister's eyes, at that moment, had she alluded to Professor +Theobald; for only five minutes before, in the wood, he had spoken to +her in a way that was scarcely possible to misunderstand, though his +wording was so cautious that she could not have taken offence, had she +been so minded, without drawing upon herself the possible retort. "My +dear lady, you have completely misunderstood me." The thought made her +flush painfully. But suppose he really _had_ meant what his words seemed +to imply? He could intend no insult, because he despised, and knew that +she despised, popular social creeds. Into what new realms was she +drifting? There was something attractive to Hadria, in the idea of +defying the world's laws. It was not as the dutiful property of another, +but as herself, a separate and responsible individual, that she would +act and feel, rightly or wrongly, as the case might be. That was a +matter between herself and her conscience, not between herself and the +world or her legal owner. + +The Professor's ambiguous and yet startling speech had forced her to +consider her position. She remembered how her instinct had always been +to hold him aloof from her life, just because, as she now began to +believe, there was something in him that powerfully attracted her. She +had feared an attraction that appeared unjustified by the man's +character. But now the fascination had begun to take a stronger grip, as +the pre-occupying ideas of her life had been chased from their places. +It had insensibly crept in to fill the empty throne. So long as she had +cherished hope, so long as she was still struggling, this insidious +half-magnetic influence had been easily resisted. Now, she was set +adrift; her anchor was raised; she lay at the wind's mercy, +half-conscious of the peril and not caring. + +Professor Theobald had an acute perception of the strange and confused +struggle that was going on in her mind. But he had no notion of the +peculiar reasons, in her case, for an effect that he knew to be far from +rare among women; he did not understand the angry, corroding action of a +strong artistic impulse that was incessantly baulked in full tide. The +sinister, menacing voices of that tide had no meaning for him, except as +expressing a _malaise_ which he had met with a hundred times before. He +put it down to an excess of emotional or nervous energy, in a nature +whose opportunities did not offer full scope to its powers. He had +grasped the general conditions, but he had not perceived the particular +fact that added tenfold to the evil which exists in the more usual, and +less complicated case. + +He thought but little of a musical gift, having no sympathy with music; +and since he had never known what it was to receive anything but help +and encouragement in the exercise of his own talents, the effect upon +the mind and character of such an experience as Hadria's, was beyond the +range of his conceptions. He understood subtly, and misunderstood +completely, at one and the same time. But to Hadria, every syllable +which revealed how much he did understand, seemed to prove, by +implication, that he understood the whole. It never occurred to her that +he was blinder than Henriette herself, to the real centre and heart of +the difficulty. + +It has been said that what the human being longs for above all things, +is to be understood: that he prefers it infinitely to being over-rated. +Professor Theobald gave Hadria this desired sensation. His attraction +for her was composed of many elements, and it was enhanced by the fact +that she had now grown so used to his presence, as to cease to notice +many little traits that had repelled her, at the beginning. Her critical +instincts were lulled. Thus had come to pass that which is by no means +an uncommon incident in human history: a toleration for and finally a +strong attraction towards a nature that began by creating distrust, and +even dislike. + +Hadria's instinct now was to hunt up reasons for desiring the society of +Professor Theobald, for the gladness that she felt at the prospect of +seeing him. She wished to explain to herself how it was that he had +become so prominent a figure in her life. It was surprising how rapidly +and how completely he had taken a central position. Her feeling towards +him, and her admiring affection for Professor Fortescue, were as +different as night from day. She shrank from comparing the two emotions, +because at the bottom of her heart, she felt how infinitely less fine +and sound was this latter attachment, how infinitely less to be +welcomed. If any one spoke disparagingly of Professor Theobald, Hadria's +instinct was to stand up for him, to find ingenious reasons for his +words or his conduct that threw upon him the most favourable light, and +her object was as much to persuade herself as to convince her +interlocutor. What the Professor had said this afternoon, had brought +her to a point whence she had to review all these changes and +developments of her feeling. She puzzled herself profoundly. In +remembering those few words, she was conscious of a little thrill +of--not joy (the word was too strong), but of something akin to it. She +thought--and then laughed at herself--that it had a resemblance to the +sensation that is caused to the mind by the suggestion of some new and +entrancingly interesting idea--say about astronomy! And if she consulted +her mere wishes in the matter, apart from all other considerations, she +would explore farther in this direction. Whether curiosity or sentiment +actuated her, she could not detect. It would certainly be deeply +exciting to find out what her own nature really was, and still more so +to gain greater insight into his. Was this heartless, cold-blooded? Or +was it that she felt a lurking capacity for a feeling stronger than--or +at any rate different from--any that she had hitherto felt? This was a +secret that she could not discover. Hadria gave a frightened start. Was +she finding herself to be bad in a way that she had never suspected? If +she could but fully and completely escape from tradition, so that her +judgment might be quite unhampered. Tradition seemed either to make +human beings blindly submissive, or to tempt them to act out of an +equally blind opposition to its canons. One could never be entirely +independent. In her confusion, she longed to turn to some clear mind and +sound conscience, not so much for advice, as in order to test the effect +upon such a mind and conscience of the whole situation. + +Professor Fortescue was the only person upon whose judgment and feeling +she could absolutely rely. What would he think of her? His impression +would be the best possible guide, for no one opposed more strongly than +he did the vulgar notion of proprietary rights between husband and wife, +no one asserted more absolutely the independence of the individual. Yet +Hadria could not imagine that he would be anything but profoundly sorry, +if he knew the recklessness of her feeling, and the nature of her +sentiment for Professor Theobald. But then he did not know how she +stood; he did not know that the blue hopeful distance of life had +disappeared; that even the middle-distance had been cut off, and that +the sticks and stones and details of a very speckly foreground now +confronted her immovably. She would like to learn how many women of her +temperament, placed in her position, would stop to enquire very closely +into the right and wrong of the matter, when for a moment, a little +avenue seemed on the point of opening, misty and blue, leading the eye +to hidden perilous distances. + +And then Professor Theobald had, after all, many fine qualities. He was +complex, and he had faults like the rest of us; but the more one knew +him, the more one felt his kindness of heart (how good he was to little +Martha), his readiness to help others, his breadth of view and his +sympathy. These were not common qualities. He was a man whom one could +admire, despite certain traits that made one shrink a little, at times. +These moreover had disappeared of late. They were accidental rather than +intrinsic. It was a matter of daily observation that people catch +superficial modes of thought and speech, just as they catch accent, or +as women who have given no thought to the art of dress, sometimes +misrepresent themselves, by adopting, unmodified, whatever happens to be +in the fashion. Hadria had a wistful desire to be able to respect +Professor Theobald without reserve, to believe in him thoroughly, to +think him noble in calibre and fine in fibre. She had a vague idea that +emphatic statement would conduce to making all this true. + +She had never met him alone since that day of the picnic, except for a +few chance minutes, when he had expressed over again, rather in tone +than in words, the sentiment before implied. + +Algitha and Miss Du Prel were relieved to see that Hadria had, after +all, taken their advice. Without making any violent or obvious change in +her conduct, she had ceased to cause her friends anxiety. Something in +her manner had changed. Claude Moreton felt it instantly. He spoke of +leaving Craddock Place, but he lingered on. The house had begun to +empty. Lady Engleton wished to have some time to herself. She was +painting a new picture. But Professor Theobald remained. Joseph Fleming +went away to stay with his married sister. About this time Hubert had to +go abroad to attend to some business matters of a serious and tedious +character, connected with a law-suit in which he was professionally +interested. + +From some instinct which Hadria found difficult to account for, she +avoided meeting the Professor alone. Yet the whole interest of the day +centred in the prospect of seeing him. If by chance, she missed him, she +felt flat and dull, and found herself going over in her mind every +detail of their last meeting. He had the art of making his most +trifling remark interesting. Even his comments on the weather had a +colour and quality of their own. Lady Engleton admired his lightness of +touch. + +"Did you know that our amiable Professor shews his devotion to you, by +devotion to your _protégée_?" she asked one day, when she met Hadria +returning from the Priory with the two boys, whose holidays were not yet +over. "I saw him coming out of the child's cottage this morning, and she +shewed me the toy he had given her." + +"He is very fond of her, I know," said Hadria. + +"He gives her lots of things!" cried Jack, opening round and envious +eyes. + +"How do _you_ know, sir?" enquired Lady Engleton. + +"Because Mary says so," Jack returned. + +Hadria was pleased at the kindness which the act seemed to indicate. + +The doctor had ordered her to be in the open air as much as possible, +and to take a walk every day. Sometimes she would walk with the boys, +sometimes alone. In either case, the thought of Professor Theobald +pursued her. She often grew wearied with it, but it could not be +banished. If she saw a distant figure on the road, a little sick, +excited stir of the heart, betrayed her suspicion that it might be he. +She could not sincerely wish herself free from the strange infatuation, +for the thought of life without it, troublesome and fatiguing though it +was, seemed inexpressibly dull. It had taken the colour out of +everything. It had altered the very face of nature, in her eyes. Her +hope had been to escape loneliness, but with this preposterous secret, +she was lonelier than she had ever been before. She could no longer make +a confidante of herself. She was afraid of her own ridicule, her own +blame, above all of finding herself confronted with some accusation +against the Professor, some overpowering reason for thinking poorly of +him. Whenever they met, she was in terror lest he should leave her no +alternative. She often opened conversational channels by which he could +escape his unknown peril, and she would hold her breath till it was +over. She dreaded the cool-headed, ruthless critic, lurking within her +own consciousness, who would hear of no ingenious explanations of words +or conduct. But she would not admit to this dread--that would have been +to admit everything. She had not the satisfaction of openly thinking the +matter out, for the suspicion that so profoundly saddened her, must be +kept scrupulously hidden. Hadria was filled with dismay when she dared +to glance at the future. No wonder Valeria had warned her against +playing with fire! Was it always like this when people fell in love? +What a ridiculous, uncomfortable, outrageous thing it was! How +destructive to common sense and sanity and everything that kept life +running on reasonable lines. A poor joke at best, and oh, how stale! + + * * * * * + +"Shall I tell you your ruling passion, Mrs. Temperley?" + +"If you can, Professor Theobald." + +Before them stretched a woodland glade. The broad fronds of the bracken +made bright patches of light where the sun caught them, and tall plants, +such as hemlock and wild parsley, stood out, almost white against the +shade; the flies and midges moving round them in the warmth. At some +distance behind, the sound of voices could be heard through the windings +of the wood. There were snatches of song and laughter. + +"Your ruling passion is power over others." + +"It has been sadly thwarted then," she answered, with a nervous laugh. + +"Thwarted? Surely not. What more can you want than to touch the emotions +of every one who comes across your path? It is a splendid power, and +ought to be more satisfying to the possessor than a gift of any other +kind." + +Professor Theobald waited for her reply, but she made none. + +He looked at her fixedly, eagerly. She could do nothing but walk on in +silence. + +"Even an actor does not impress himself so directly upon his fellows as +a woman of--well, a woman like yourself. A painter, a writer, a +musician, never comes in touch at all with his public. We hear his name, +we admire or we decry his works, but the man or the woman who has +toiled, and felt, and lived, is unknown to us. He is lost in his work." + +Hadria gave a murmur of assent. + +"But you, Mrs. Temperley, have a very different story to tell. It is +_you_, yourself, your personality, in all its many-sided charm that we +all bow to; it is _you_, not your achievements that--that we love." + +Hadria cleared her throat; the words would not come. A rebellious little +nerve was twitching at her eye-lid. After all, what in heaven's name was +she to say? It was too foolish to pretend to misunderstand; for tone, +look, manner all told the same story; yet even now there was nothing +absolutely definite to reply to, and her cleverness of retort had +deserted her. + +"Ah! Mrs. Temperley--Hadria----" Professor Theobald had stopped short in +the path, and then Hadria made some drowning effort to resist the force +that she still feared. But it was in vain. She stood before him, paler +even than usual, with her head held high, but eye-lids that drooped and +lips that trembled. The movement of the leaves made faint quivering +little shadows on her white gown, and stirred delicately over the lace +at her throat. The emotion that possessed her, the mixture of joy and +dismay and even terror, passed across her face, in the moment's silence. +The two figures stood opposite to one another; Hadria drawing a little +away, swayed slightly backward, the Professor eagerly bending forward. +He was on the point of speaking, when there came floating through the +wood, the sound of a woman's voice singing. The voice was swiftly +recognised by them both, and the song. + +Hadria's eye-lids lifted for a second, and her breathing quickened. + + "Oh, gather me the rose, the rose, + While yet in flower we find it; + For summer smiles, but summer goes, + And winter waits behind it. + + "For with the dream foregone, foregone, + The deed foreborne for ever, + The worm regret will canker on, + And time will turn him never." + +Professor Theobald advanced a step. Hadria drew back. + + "So well it were to love, my love, + And cheat of any laughter + The fate beneath us and above, + The dark before and after. + + "The myrtle and the rose, the rose, + The sunshine and the swallow, + The dream that comes, the dream that goes, + The memories that follow!" + +The sweet cadence died away. A bird's note took up the dropped thread of +music. The Professor broke into passionate speech. + +"My cause is pleaded in your own language, Hadria, Hadria; listen to it, +listen. You know what is in my heart; I can't apologize for feeling it, +for I have no choice; no man has where you are concerned, as you must +have discovered long ago. And I do not apologize for telling you the +truth, you know it does you no wrong. This is no news to you; you must +have guessed it from the first. Your coldness, your rebuffs, betrayed +that you did. But, ah! I have struggled long enough. I can keep silence +no longer. I have thought of late that your feeling for me had changed; +a thousand things have made me hope--good heavens, if you knew what that +means to a man who had lost it! Ah! speak--don't look like that, +Hadria,--what is there in me that you always turn from? Speak, speak!" + +"Ah! life is horribly difficult!" she exclaimed. "I wish to heaven I +had never budged from the traditions in which I was educated--either +that, or that everybody had discarded them. I feel one way and think +another." + +"Then you do love me, Hadria," he cried. + +Her instinct was to deny the truth, but there seemed to her something +mean in concealment, especially if she were to blame, especially if +those who respected tradition, and made it their guide and rule through +thick and thin, in the very teeth of reason, were right after all, as it +seemed to her, at this moment, that they were. If there were evil in +this strange passion, let her at least acknowledge her share in it. Let +her not "assume a virtue though she had it not." + +Professor Theobald was watching her face, as for a verdict of life and +death. + +"Oh, answer me, answer me--Yes or no, yes or no?" She had raised her +eyes for a moment, about to speak; the words were stifled at their +birth, for the next instant she was in his arms. Again came the voice of +the singer, nearer this time. The song was hummed softly. + + "Oh, gather me the rose, the rose, + While yet in flower we find it, + For summer smiles, but summer goes, + And winter waits behind it." + + + + +CHAPTER XLIII. + + +The need for vigilance over that hidden distrust was more peremptory now +than ever. The confession once made, the die once cast, anything but +complete faith and respect became intolerable. Outwardly, affairs seemed +to run on very much as before. But Hadria could scarcely believe that +she was living in the same world. The new fact walked before her, +everywhere. She did not dare to examine it closely. She told herself +that a great joy had come to her, or rather that she had taken the joy +in spite of everything and everybody. She would order her affections +exactly as she chose. If only she could leave Craddock Dene! Hubert and +her parents considered the opinion of the public as of more importance +than anything else in life; for her mother's sake she was forced to +acquiesce; otherwise there was absolutely no reason why she and Hubert +should live under the same roof. It was a mere ceremony kept up on +account of others. That had been acknowledged by him in so many words. +And a wretched, ridiculous, irksome ceremony it was for them both. + +Hadria refused now to meet Professor Theobald at the Cottage. His visits +there, which had been timed to meet her, must be paid at a different +hour. He remonstrated in vain. She shewed various other inconsistencies, +as he called them. He used to laugh affectionately at her "glimpses of +conscience," but said he cared nothing for these trifles, since he had +her assurance that she loved him. How he had waited and longed for that! +How hopeless, how impossible it had seemed. He professed to have fallen +in love at first sight. He even declared that Hadria had done the same, +though in a different way, without knowing it. Her mind had resisted +and, for the time, kept her feelings in abeyance. He had watched the +struggle. Her heart, he rejoiced to believe, had responded to him from +the beginning. By dint of repeating this very often, he had half +convinced Hadria that it was so. She preferred to think that her feeling +was of the long-standing and resistless kind. + +Sometimes she had intervals of reckless happiness, when all doubts were +kept at bay, and the condition of belief that she assiduously +cultivated, remained with her freely. She felt no secret tug at the +tether. Professor Theobald would then be at his best; grave, thoughtful, +gentle, considerate, responsive to every mood. + +When they met at Craddock Place and elsewhere, Hadria suffered miseries +of anxiety. She was terrified lest he should do or say something in bad +taste, and that she would see her own impression confirmed on the faces +of others. She put it to herself that she was afraid people would not +understand him as she did. The history of his past life, as he had +related it to her, appealed overpoweringly to all that was womanly and +protective in her nature. He was emotional by temperament, but +circumstance had doomed him to repression and solitude. This call on her +sympathy did more than anything to set Hadria's mind at rest. She gave a +vast sigh when that feeling of confidence became confirmed. Life, then, +need no longer be ridiculous! Hard and cruel it might be, full of lost +dreams, but at least there would be something in it that was perfect. +This new emotional centre offered the human _summum bonum_: release from +oneself. + +Hadria and the Professor met, one morning, in the gardens of the Priory. +Hadria had been strolling down the yew avenue, her thoughts full of him, +as usual. She reached the seat at the end where once Professor Fortescue +had found her--centuries ago, it seemed to her now. How different was +_this_ meeting! Professor Theobald came by the path through the thick +shrubberies, behind the seat. There was a small space of grass at the +back. Here he stood, bending over the seat, and though he was usually +prudent, he did not even assure himself that no one was in sight, before +drawing Hadria's head gently back, and stooping to kiss her on the +cheek, while he imprisoned a hand in each of his. She flushed, and +looked hastily down the avenue. + +"I wonder what our fate would be, if anyone had been there?" she said, +with a little shudder. + +"No one was there, darling." He stood leaning over the high back of the +seat, looking down at his companion, with a smile. + +"Do you know," he said, "I fear I shall have to go up to town to-morrow, +for the day." + +Hadria's face fell. She hated him to go away, even for a short time; she +could not endure her own thoughts when his influence was withdrawn. His +presence wrapped her in a state of dream, a false peace which she +courted. + +"Oh no, no," she cried, with a childish eagerness that was entirely +unlike her, "don't go." + +"Do you really care so very much?" he asked, with a deep flush of +pleasure. + +"Of course I do, of course." Her thoughts wandered off through strange +by-ways. At times, they would pass some black cavernous entrance to +unknown labyrinths, and the frightened thoughts would hurry by. +Sometimes they would be led decorously along a smooth highway, pacing +quietly; sometimes they would rise to the sunlight and spread their +wings, and then perhaps take sudden flight, like a flock of startled +birds. + +Yes, he needed sympathy, and faith, and love. He had never had anyone to +believe in him before. He had met with hardness and distrust all his +life. She would trust him. He had conquered, step by step, his inimical +conditions. He was lonely, unused to real affection. Let her try to make +up for what he had lost. Let her forget herself and her own little woes, +in the effort to fill his life with all that he had been forced to +forego. (An impish thought danced before her for a second--"Fine talk, +but you know you love to be loved.") If her love were worth anything, +that must be her impulse. Let her beware of considering her own +feelings, her own wishes and fears. If she loved, let it be fully and +freely, generously and without reserve. That or nothing. ("Probably it +will be nothing," jeered the imp.) "Then what, in heaven's name, _is_ it +that I feel?" the other self seemed to cry in desperation. + +"An idea has struck me," said the Professor, taking her hand and holding +it closely in his, "Why should you not come up to town, say on +Friday--don't start, dearest--it would be quite simple, and then for +once in our lives we should stand, as it were, alone in the world, you +and I, without this everlasting dread of curious eyes upon us. Alone +among strangers--what bliss! We could have a day on the river, or I +could take you to see--well, anything you liked--we should be free and +happy. Think of it, Hadria! to be rid of this incessant need for +caution, for hypocrisy. We have but one life to live; why not live it?" + +"Why not live it, why not live it?" The words danced in her head, like +circles of little sprites carrying alluring wreaths of roses. + +"Ah, we must be careful; there is much at stake," she said. + +He began to plead, eloquently and skilfully. He knew exactly what +arguments would tell best with her. The imps and the other selves +engaged in a free fight. + +"No; I must not listen; it is too dangerous. If it were not for my +mother, I should not care for anything, but as it is, I must risk +nothing. I have already risked too much." + +"There would be no danger," he argued. "Trust to me. I have something to +lose too. It is of no use to bring the whole dead stupid weight of the +world on our heads. There is no sense in lying down under a heap of +rubbish, to be crushed. Let us go our way and leave other people to go +theirs." + +"Easier said than done." + +"Oh no; the world must be treated as one would treat a maniac who +brandished a razor in one's face. Direct defiance argues folly worse +than his." + +"Of course, but all this subterfuge and deceit is hateful." + +"Not if one considers the facts of the case. The maniac-world insists +upon uniformity and obedience, especially in that department of life +where uniformity is impossible. You don't suppose that it is ever +_really_ attained by any human being who deserves the name? Never! We +all wear the livery of our master and live our own lives not the less." + +"Ah, I doubt that," said Hadria. "I think the livery affects us all, +right through to the bones and marrow. What young clergyman was it who +told me that as soon as he put on his canonicals, he felt a different +man, mind, heart, and personality?" + +"Well, _your_ livery has never made you, Hadria, and that is all I care +for." + +"Indeed, I am not so sure." + +"It has not turned you out a Mrs. Jordan or a Mrs. Walker, for +instance." + +"To the great regret of my well-wishers." + +"To the great regret of your inferiors. There is nothing that people +regret so bitterly as superiority to themselves." Hadria laughed. + +"I am always afraid of the gratifying argument based on the assumption +of superiority; one is apt to be brought down a peg, if ever one +indulges in it." + +"I can't see that much vanity is implied in claiming superiority to the +common idiot of commerce," said the Professor, with a shrug. + +"He is in the family," Hadria reminded him. + +"The human family; yes, confound him!" They laughed, and the Professor, +after a pause, continued his pleading. + +"It only needs a little courage, Hadria. My love, my dear one, don't +shake your head." + +He came forward and sat down on the seat beside her, bending towards her +persuasively. + +"Promise me to come to town on Friday, Hadria--promise me, dearest." + +"But if--oh, how I hate all the duplicity that this involves! It creates +wretched situations, whichever way one turns. I never realized into what +a labyrinth it would lead one. I should like to speak out and be honest +about it." + +"And your mother?" + +"Oh, I know of course----" Hadria set her teeth. "It drives me mad, all +this!" + +"Oh, Hadria! And you don't count _me_ then?" + +"Obviously I count you. But one's whole life becomes a lie." + +"That is surely schoolgirl's reasoning. Strange that you should be +guilty of it! Is one's life a lie because one makes so bold as to keep +one's own counsel? Must one take the world into one's confidence, or +stand condemned as a liar? Oh, Hadria, this is childish!" + +"Yes, I am getting weak-minded, I know," she said feverishly. "I resent +being forced to resort to this sort of thing when I am doing nothing +wrong, according to my own belief. Why should I be forced to behave as +if I _were_ sinning against my conscience?" + +"So you may say; that is your grievance, not your fault. But, after all, +compromise is necessary in _everything_, and the best way is to make the +compromise lightly and with a shrug of the shoulders, and then you find +that life becomes fairly manageable and often extremely pleasant." + +"Yes, I suppose you are right." Hadria was picking the petals off a +buttercup one by one, and when she had destroyed one golden corolla, she +attacked another. + +"Fate _is_ ironical!" she exclaimed. "Never in my life did I feel more +essentially frank and open-hearted than I feel now." + +The Professor laughed. + +"My impulse is to indulge in that sort of bluff, boisterous honesty +which forms so charming a feature of our national character. Is it not +disastrous?" + +"It _is_ a little inopportune," Theobald admitted with a chuckle. + +"Oh, it is no laughing matter! It amounts to a monomania. I long to take +Mrs. Walker aside and say 'Hi! look here, Mrs. Walker, I just want to +mention to you----' and so on; and Mrs. Jordan inspires me with a still +more fatal impulse of frankness. If only for the fun of the thing, I +long to do it." + +"You are quite mad, Hadria!" exclaimed the Professor, laughing. + +"Oh, no," she said, "only bewildered. I want desperately to be bluff and +outspoken, but I suppose I must dissemble. I long painfully to be like +'truthful James,' but I must follow in the footsteps of the sneaky +little boy who came to a bad end because he told a lie. The question is: +Shall my mother be sacrificed to this passionate love of truth?" + +"Or shall I?" asked the Professor. "You seem to forget me. You frighten +me, Hadria. To indulge in frankness just now, means to throw me over, +and if you did that, I don't know how I should be able to stand it. I +should cut my throat." + +Hadria buried her face in her hands, as if to shut out distracting +sights and sounds, so that she might think more clearly. + +It seemed, at that moment, as if cutting one's throat would be the only +way out of the growing difficulty. + +How _could_ it go on? And yet, how could she give him up? (The imp gave +a fiendish chuckle.) It would be so unfair, so cruel, and what would +life be without him? ("Moral development impossible!" cried the imp, +with a yell of laughter.) It would be so mean to go back +now--("Shocking!" exclaimed the imp.) Assuming that she ought never to +have allowed this thing to happen ("Oh, fie!") because she bore another +man's name (not being permitted to retain her own), ought she to throw +this man over, on second and (per assumption) better thoughts, or did +the false step oblige her to continue in the path she had entered? + +"I seem to have got myself into one of those situations where there is +_no_ right," she exclaimed. + +"You forget your own words: A woman in relation to society is in the +position of a captive; she may justly evade the prison rules, if she +can." + +"So she may; only I want so desperately to wrench away the bars instead +of evading the rules." + +"Try to remember that you----" The Professor stopped abruptly and stood +listening. They looked at one another. Hadria was deadly white. A step +was advancing along the winding path through the bushes behind them: a +half overgrown path, that led from a small door in the wall that ran +round the park. It was the nearest route from the station to the house, +and a short cut could be taken this way through the garden, to Craddock +Place. + +"It's all right," the Professor said in a low voice; "we were saying +nothing compromising." + +The step drew nearer. + +"Some visitor to Craddock Place probably, who has come down by the 4.20 +from town." + +"Professor Fortescue!" + +Hadria had sprung up, and was standing, with flushed cheeks, beside her +calmer companion. + +Professor Fortescue's voice broke the momentary silence. He gave a warm +smile of pleasure and came forward with out-stretched hand. + +"The hoped-for instant has come sooner than I thought," he cried +genially. + +Hadria was shocked to see him looking very ill. He said that his doctor +had bullied him, at last, into deciding to go south. His arrangements +for departure had been rather hastily made, and he had telegraphed this +morning, to Craddock Place, to announce his coming. His luggage was +following in a hand-cart, and he was taking the short cut through the +Priory gardens. He had come to say good-bye to them all. Miss Du Prel, +he added, had already made up her mind to go abroad, and he hoped to +come across her somewhere in Italy. She had given him all news. He +looked anxiously at Hadria. The flush had left her face now, and the +altered lines were but too obvious. + +"You ought to have change too," he said, "you are not looking well." + +She laughed nervously. "Oh, I am all right." + +"Let's sit down a moment, if you were not discussing anything very +important----" + +"Indeed, we were, my dear Fortescue," said Professor Theobald, drawing +his colleague on to the seat, "and your clear head would throw much +light on the philosophy of the question." + +"Oh, a question of abstract philosophy," said Professor Fortescue. "Are +you disagreeing?" + +"Not exactly. The question that turned up, in the course of discussion, +was this: If a man stands in a position which is itself the result of an +aggression upon his liberty and his human rights, is he in honour bound +to abide by the laws which are laid down to coerce him?" + +"Obviously not," replied Professor Fortescue. + +"Is he morally justified in using every means he can lay hold of to +overcome the peculiar difficulties under which he has been tyrannously +placed?" + +"Not merely justified, but I should say he was a poor fool if he +refrained from doing so." + +"That is exactly what _I_ say." + +"Surely Mrs. Temperley does not demur?" + +"No; I quite agree as to the _right_. I only say that the means which +the situation may make necessary are sometimes very hateful." + +"Ah, that is among the cruelest of the victim's wrongs," said Professor +Fortescue. "He is reduced to employ artifices that he would despise, +were he a free agent. Take a crude instance: a man is overpowered by a +band of brigands. Surely he is justified in deceiving those gentlemen of +the road, and in telling and acting lies without scruple." + +"The parallel is exact," said Theobald, with a triumphant glance at +Hadria. + +"Honour departs where force comes in. No man is bound in honour to his +captor, though his captor will naturally try to persuade his prisoner to +regard himself as so bound. And few would be our oppressions, if that +persuasion did not generally succeed!" + +"The relations of women to society for instance----" began Theobald. + +"Ah, exactly. The success of that device may be said to constitute the +history of womanhood. Take my brigand instance and write it large, and +you have the whole case in a nutshell." + +"Then you would recommend rank rebellion, either by force or artifice, +according as circumstances might require?" asked Hadria. + +Professor Fortescue looked round at her, half anxiously, half +enquiringly. + +"There are perils, remember," he warned. "The woman is, by our +assumption, the brigand's captive. If she offends her brigand, he has +hideous punishments to inflict. He can subject her to pain and indignity +at his good pleasure. Torture and mutilation, metaphorically speaking, +are possible to him. How could one deliberately counsel her to risk all +that?" + +There was a long silence. + +Hadria had been growing more and more restless since the arrival of the +new-comer. She took no further part in the conversation. She was +struggling to avoid making comparisons between her two companions. The +contrast was startling. Every cadence of their voices, every gesture, +proclaimed the radical difference of nature and calibre. + +Hadria rose abruptly. She looked pale and perturbed. + +"Don't you think we have sat here long enough?" she asked. + +They both looked a little surprised, but they acquiesced at once. The +three walked together down the yew avenue, and out across the lawn. +Professor Fortescue recalled their past meetings among these serene +retreats, and wished they could come over again. + +"Nothing ever does come over again," said Hadria. + +Theobald glanced at her, meaningfully. + +"Look here, my dear fellow," he said, grasping Professor Fortescue by +the arm, and bending confidentially towards him, "I should like those +meetings to repeat themselves _ad infinitum_. I have made up my mind at +last. I want to take the Priory." + +Hadria turned deadly pale, and stumbled slightly. + +"Well, take it by all means. I should be only too glad to let it to a +tenant who would look after the old place." + +"We must talk it over," said Theobald. + +"That won't take long, I fancy. We talked it over once before, you +remember, and then you suddenly changed your mind." + +"Yes; but my mind is steady now. The Priory is the place of all others +that I should like to pass my days in." + +"Well, I think you are wise, Theobald. The place has great charm, and +you have friends here." + +"Yes, indeed!" exclaimed Theobald. + +Professor Fortescue looked vaguely round, as if expecting Hadria to +express some neighbourly sentiment, but she said nothing. He noticed how +very ill she was looking. + +"Are you feeling the heat too severe?" he asked in concern. "Shall we +take a rest under these trees?" + +But Hadria preferred to go on and rest at home. She asked when Professor +Fortescue was coming to see them at the Red House, but her tone was less +open and warm than usual, in addressing him. He said that to-morrow he +would walk over in the afternoon, if he might. Hadria would not allow +her companions to come out of their way to accompany her home. At the +Priory gate--where the griffins were grinning as derisively as ever at +the ridiculous ways of men--they took their respective roads. + +Some domestic catastrophe had happened at the Red House. The cook had +called Mary "names," and Mary declared she must leave. Hadria shrugged +her shoulders. + +"Oh, well then, I suppose you must," she said wearily, and retired to +her room, in a mood to be cynically amused at the tragedies that the +human being manufactures for himself, lest he should not find the +tragedies of birth and death and parting, and the solitude of the +spirit, sufficient to occupy him during his little pilgrimage. She sat +by the open window that looked out over the familiar fields, and the +garden that was gay with summer flowers. The red roof of the Priory +could just be caught through the trees of the park. She wished the +little pilgrimage were over. A common enough wish, she commented, but +surely not unreasonable. + +The picture of those two men came back to her, in spite of every effort +to banish it. Professor Fortescue had affected her as if he had brought +with him a new atmosphere, and disastrous was the result. It seemed as +if Professor Theobald had suddenly become a stranger to her, whom she +criticised, whose commonness of fibre, ah me! whose coarseness, she saw +as she might have seen it in some casual acquaintance. And yet she had +loved this man, she had allowed him to passionately profess love for +her. His companionship, in the deepest sense, had been chosen by her for +life. To sit by and listen to that conversation, feeling every moment +how utterly he and she were, after all, strangers to one another, how +completely unbroken was the solitude that she had craved to dispel--that +had been horrible. What had lain at the root of her conduct? How had she +deceived herself? Was it not for the sake of mere excitement, +distraction? Was it not the sensuous side of her nature that had been +touched, while the rest had been posing in the foreground? But no, that +was only partly true. There had been more in it than that; very much +more, or she could not have deceived herself so completely. It was this +craving to fill the place of her lost art,--but oh, what morbid nonsense +it had all been! Why, for the first time in her life, did she feel +ashamed to meet Professor Fortescue? Obviously, it was not because she +thought he would disapprove of her breaking the social law. It was +because she had fallen below her own standard, because she had been +hypocritical with herself, played herself false, and acted contemptibly, +hatefully! Professor Fortescue's mere presence had hunted out the truth +from its hiding-place. He had made further self-sophistication +impossible. She buried her face in her hands, in an agony of shame. She +had known all along, that this had not been a profound and whole-hearted +sentiment. She had known all along, of what a poor feverish nature it +was; yet she had chosen to persuade herself that it was all, or nearly +all, that she had dreamed of a perfect human relationship. She had tried +to arrange facts in such a light as to simulate that idea. It was so +paltry, so contemptible. Why could she not at least have been honest +with herself, and owned to the nature of the infatuation? That, at any +rate, would have been straightforward. Her self-scorn made the colour +surge into her cheeks and burn painfully over neck and brow. "How little +one knows oneself. Here am I, who rebel against the beliefs of others, +sinning against my own. Here am I, who turn up my nose at the popular +gods, deriding my own private and particular gods in their very temples! +That I have done, and heaven alone knows where I should have stopped in +the wild work, if this had not happened. Professor Fortescue has no need +to speak. His gentleness, his charity, are as rods to scourge one!" + + + + +CHAPTER XLIV. + + +When Professor Fortescue called at the Red House, he found that the +blinds, in the drawing-room, were all half down. Hadria held the +conversation to the subject of his plans. He knew her well enough to +read the meaning of that quiet tone, with a subtle cadence in it, just +at the end of a phrase, that went to his heart. To him it testified to +an unspeakable regret. + +It was difficult to define the change in her manner, but it conveyed to +the visitor the impression that she had lost belief in herself, or in +some one; that she had received a severe shock, and knew no longer what +to trust or how to steer. She seemed to speak across some vast spiritual +distance, an effect not produced by reserve or coldness, but by a +wistful, acquiescent, subdued quality, expressive of uncertainty, of +disorder in her conceptions of things. + +"How tempting those two easy-chairs look, under the old tree on your +lawn," said the Professor. "Wouldn't it be pleasant to go out?" + +Hadria hesitated for a second, and then rose. "Certainly; we will have +tea there." + +When they were seated under the shade taking their tea, with the canopy +of walnut leaves above their heads, the Professor saw that Hadria shewed +signs of serious trouble. The haggard lines, the marks of suffering, +were not to be hidden in the clear light of the summer afternoon. He +insensibly shifted his chair so as not to have to gaze at her when he +spoke. That seemed to be a relief to her. + +"Valeria is here till the day after to-morrow," she said. "She has gone +for a walk, and has probably forgotten the tea-hour but I hope you will +see her." + +"I want to find out what her plans are. It would be pleasant to come +across one another abroad. I wish you were coming too." + +"Ah, so do I." + +"I suppose it's impossible." + +"Absolutely." + +"For the mind, there is no tonic like travel," he said. + +"It must be a sovereign cure for egoism." + +"If anything will cure that disease." Her face saddened. + +"You believe it is quite incurable?" + +"If it is constitutional." + +"Don't you think that sometimes people grow egoistic through having to +fight incessantly for existence--I mean for individual existence?" + +"It certainly is the instinct of moral self-preservation. It corresponds +to the raised arm when a blow threatens." + +"One has the choice between egoism and extinction." + +"It almost amounts to that. Perhaps, after long experience and much +suffering, the individuality may become secure, and the armour no longer +necessary, but this is a bitter process. Most people become extinct, and +then congratulate themselves on self-conquest." + +"Yes, I suppose so," said Hadria musingly. "How dangerous it is to +congratulate oneself on anything! One never is so near to folly as +then." + +The Professor threw some crumbs to a chaffinch, which had flown down +within a few yards of the tea-table. + +"I think you are disposed, at present, to criticise yourself too +mercilessly," he said in a tone that had drawn forth many a confidence. +It was not to be resisted. + +"No; that would be difficult." + +"Your conscience may accuse you severely, but who of us escapes such +accusations? Be a little charitable with yourself, as you would with +others. Life, you know, is not such an easy game to play. Beginners +must make wrong moves now and then." + +There was a long pause. + +"It sounds so mild when you put it like that. But I am not a beginner. I +am quite a veteran, yet I am not seasoned. My impulses are more +imperious, more blinding than I had the least idea of." (The words +hastened on.) "Life comes and pulls one by the sleeve; stirs, prompts, +bewilders, tempts in a thousand ways; emotion rises in whirlwinds--and +one is confused, and reels and gropes and stumbles, and then some cruel, +clear day one awakes to find the print of intoxicated footsteps in the +precincts of the sanctuary, and recognises oneself as desecrator." + +The Professor leant forward in his low chair. The chaffinch gave a light +chirp, as if to recall him to his duty. Hadria performed it for him. The +chaffinch flew off with the booty. + +"There is no suffering so horrible as that which involves remorse or +self-contempt," he said, and his voice trembled. "To have to settle down +to look upon some part of one's action, of one's moral self, with shame +or scorn, is almost intolerable." + +"Quite intolerable!" + +"We will not extend to ourselves the forbearance due to erring humanity. +This puts us too much on a level with the rest--is that not often the +reason of our harsh self-judgments?" + +"Oh, I have no doubt there is something mean and conceited at the bottom +of it!" exclaimed Hadria. + +There was a step on the lawn behind them. + +The Professor sprang up. He went to meet Valeria and they came to the +table together, talking. Valeria's eyes were bright and her manner +animated. Yes, she was going abroad. It would be delightful to meet +somewhere, if chance favoured them. She thought of Italy. And at that +magic name, they fell into reminiscences of former journeyings; they +talked of towns and temples and palaces, of art, of sunshine; and Hadria +listened silently. + +Once, in her girlhood, when she was scarcely sixteen, she had gone with +her parents and Algitha for a tour in Italy. It was a short but vivid +experience which had tinged her life, leaving a memory and a longing +that never died. The movement of travel, the sense of change and +richness offered to eye and mind, remained with her always; the vision +of a strange, tumultuous, beautiful world; of exquisite Italian cities, +of forests and seas; of classic plains and snow-capped mountains; of +treasures of art--the eternal evidence of man's aloofness, on one side +of him, from the savage element in nature--and glimpses of cathedral +domes and palace walls; and villages clinging like living things to the +hill-sides, or dreaming away their drowsy days in some sunny valley. And +then the mystery that every work of man enshrines; the life, the +thought, the need that it embodies, and the passionate histories that it +hides! It was as if the sum and circumstance of life had mirrored itself +in the memory, once and for all. The South lured her with its languor, +its colour, its hot sun, and its splendid memories. It was exquisite +pleasure and exquisite pain to listen to the anticipations of these two, +who were able to wander as they would. + +"Siena?" said Valeria with a sigh, "I used to know Siena when I was +young and happy. That was where I made the fatal mistake in my life. It +is all a thing of the past now. I might have married a good and +brilliantly intellectual man, whom I could respect and warmly admire; +for whom I had every feeling but the one that we romantic women think so +essential, and that people assure us is the first to depart." + +"You regret that you held fast to your own standard?" said Hadria. + +"I regret that I could not see the wisdom of taking the good that was +offered to me, since I could not have that which I wished. Now I have +neither." + +"How do you know you would have found the other good really +satisfactory!" + +"I believe in the normal," said Valeria, "having devoted my existence to +an experiment of the abnormal." + +"I don't think what we call the normal is, by any means, so safe as it +sounds, for civilized women at any rate," observed the Professor. + +Valeria shook her head, and remained silent. But her face expressed the +sad thoughts left unsaid. In youth, it was all very well. One had the +whole world before one, life to explore, one's powers to test. But later +on, when all that seemed to promise fades away, when the dreams drift +out of sight, and strenuous efforts repeated and repeated, are beaten +down by the eternal obstacles; when the heart is wearied by delay, +disappointment, infruition, vain toil, then this once intoxicating world +becomes a place of desolation to the woman who has rebelled against the +common lot. And all the old instincts awake, to haunt and torment; to +demand that which reason has learnt to deny or to scorn; to burden their +victims with the cruel heritage of the past; to whisper regrets and +longings, and sometimes to stir to a conflict and desperation that end +in madness. + +"I believe I should have been happier, if I had married some commonplace +worthy in early life, and been the mother of ten children," Valeria +observed, aloud. + +Hadria laughed. "By this time, you or the ten children would have come +to some tragic end. I don't know which I would pity most." + +"I don't see why I shouldn't be able to do what other women have done," +cried Valeria. + +"A good deal more. But think, Valeria, of ten particular constitutions +to grapple with, ten sets of garments to provide, ten series of ailments +to combat, ten--no, let me see, two hundred and forty teeth to take to +the dentist, not to mention characters and consciences in all their +developments and phases, rising, on this appalling decimal system of +yours, to regions of arithmetic far beyond my range." + +"You exaggerate preposterously!" cried Valeria, half annoyed, although +she laughed. She had the instinctive human desire to assert her ability +in the direction where of all others it was lacking. + +"And think of the uprush of impulse, good and evil; the stirring of the +thought, the movements of longing and wonder, and then all the greedy +selfishness of youth, with its untamed vigours and its superb hopes. +What help does a child get from its parents, in the midst of this +tumult, out of which silently, the future man or woman emerges--and +grows, remember, according to the manner in which the world meets these +generous or these baser movements of the soul?" + +"You would frighten anyone from parenthood!" cried Valeria, +discontentedly. + +"Admit at least, that eight, or even seven, would have satisfied you." + +"Well, I don't mind foregoing the last three or four," said Valeria. +"But seriously, I think that a home and so forth, is the best that life +has to offer to us women. It is, perhaps, not asking much, but I believe +if one goes further, one fares worse." + +"We all think the toothache would be so much more bearable, if it were +only in the other tooth," said the Professor. + +A silence fell upon the three. Their thoughts were evidently busy. + +"I feel sorry," the Professor said at last, "that this should be your +testimony. It has always seemed to me ridiculous that a woman could not +gratify her domestic sentiments, without being claimed by them, body and +soul. But I hoped that our more developed women would show us that they +could make a full and useful and interesting life for themselves, even +if that particular side of existence were denied them. I thought they +might forego it for the sake of other things." + +"Not without regretting it." + +"Yet I have met women who held different opinions." + +"Probably rather inexperienced women," said Valeria. + +"Young women, but----" + +"Ah, young women. What do _they_ know? The element of real horror in a +woman's life does not betray itself, until the moment when the sense of +age approaches. Then, and not till then, she knows how much mere +superficial and transitory attractions have had to do with making her +life liveable and interesting. Then, and not till then, she realizes +that she has unconsciously held the position of adventuress in society, +getting what she could out of it, by means of personal charm; never +resting on established right, for she has none. As a wife, she acquires +a sort of reflected right. One must respect her over whom Mr. So-and-So +has rights of property. Well, is it not wise to take what one can +get--the little glory of being the property of Mr. So-and-So? I have +scorned this opportunism all my life, and now I regret having scorned +it. And I think, if you could get women to be sincere, they would tell +you the same tale." + +"And what do you think of the scheme of life, which almost forces upon +our finest women, or tempts them to practise, this sort of opportunism?" + +"I think it is simply savage," answered Valeria. + +Again a silence fell on the little group. The spoken words seemed to +call up a host of words unspoken. There was to Hadria, a personal as +well as a general significance in each sentence, that made her listen +breathlessly for the next. + +"How would you define a good woman?" she asked. + +"Precisely as I would define a good man," replied the Professor. + +"Oh, I think we ask more of the woman," said Valeria. + +"We do indeed!" cried Hadria, with a laugh. + +"One may find people with a fussy conscience, a nervous fear of +wrong-doing, who are without intelligence and imagination, but you never +meet the noblest, and serenest, and largest examples of goodness without +these attributes," said the Professor. + +"This is not the current view of goodness in women," said Hadria. + +"Naturally. The less intelligence and imagination the better, if our +current morality is to hold its own. We want our women to accept its +dogmas without question. We tell them how to be good, and if they don't +choose to be good in that way, we call them bad. Nothing could be +simpler." + +"I believe," said Hadria, "that the women who are called good have much +to do with the making of those that are called bad. The two kinds are +substance and shadow. We shall never get out of the difficulty till they +frankly shake hands, and admit that they are all playing the same game." + +"Oh, they will never do that," exclaimed Valeria, laughing and shaking +her head. "What madness!" + +"Why not? The thing is so obvious. They are like the two sides of a +piece of embroidery: one all smooth and fair, the other rough and ugly, +showing the tag ends and the fastenings. But since the embroidery is +insisted on, I can't see that it is of any moral consequence on which +side of the canvas one happens to be." + +"It is chiefly a matter of luck," said the Professor. + +A long shadow fell across Hadria as she spoke, blotting out the little +flicker of the sunlight that shone through the stirring leaves. +Professor Theobald had crept up softly across the lawn, and as the +chairs were turned towards the flower-borders, he had approached +unobserved. + +Hadria gave so violent a start when she heard his voice, that Professor +Fortescue looked at her anxiously. He thought her nerves must be +seriously out of order. The feverish manner of her greeting to the +new-comer, confirmed his fear. Professor Theobald apologized for +intruding. He had given up his intention of going up to town to-day. He +meant to put it off till next week. He could not miss Fortescue's visit. +One could not tell when one might see him again. + +And Professor Theobald led the conversation airily on; talking fluently, +and at times brilliantly, but always with that indefinable touch of +something ignoble, something coarse, that now filled Hadria with +unspeakable dismay. She was terrified lest the other two should go, and +he should remain. And yet she ought to speak frankly to him. His +conversation was full of little under-meanings, intended for her only to +understand; his look, his manner to her made her actually hate him. Yet +she felt the utter inconsequence and injustice of her attitude. _He_ +had not changed. There was nothing new in him. The change was in +herself. Professor Fortescue had awakened her. But, of course, he was +one in ten thousand. It was not fair to make the comparison by which +Professor Theobald suffered so pitiably. At that moment, as if Fate had +intended to prove to her how badly Professor Theobald really stood +comparison with any thoroughly well-bred man, even if infinitely beneath +him intellectually, Joseph Fleming happened to call. He was his old self +again, simple, friendly, contented. Theobald was in one of his +self-satisfied moods. Perhaps he enjoyed the triumph of his position in +regard to Hadria. At any rate, he seemed to pounce on the new-comer as a +foil to his own brilliancy. Joseph had no talent to oppose to it, but he +had a simple dignity, the offspring of a kind and generous nature, which +made Professor Theobald's conduct towards him appear contemptible. +Professor Fortescue shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Hadria tried to +change the topic; the flush deepening in her cheeks. Professor Fortescue +attempted to come to her aid. Joseph Fleming laughed good-naturedly. + +They sat late into the evening. Theobald could not find an excuse to +outstay his colleague, since they were both guests at the same house. + +"I must see you alone some time to-morrow," he managed to whisper. There +was no time for a reply. + +"I shall go and rest before dinner," said Valeria. + +Hadria went into the house by the open window of the drawing-room. She +sank back on the sofa; a blackness came before her eyes. + +"No, no, I won't, I _won't_. Let me learn not to let things overpower +me, in future." + +When Valeria entered, dressed for dinner, she found Hadria, deadly pale, +standing against the sofa, whose arm she was grasping with both hands, +as if for dear life. Valeria rushed forward. + +"Good heavens, Hadria! are you going to faint?" + +"No," said Hadria, "I am not going to faint, if there is such a thing as +human will." + + + + +CHAPTER XLV. + + +The morning had passed as usual, but household arrangements at the +Cottage had required much adjustment, one of the maids being ill. She +had been sent away for a rest, and the difficulty was to find another. +Mary went from the Red House as substitute, in the mean time, and the +Red House became disorganised. + +"You look distracted with these little worries, Hadria. I should have +said that some desperate crisis was hanging over you, instead of merely +a domestic disturbance." Valeria was established on the lawn, with a +book. + +"I am going to seek serenity in the churchyard," explained Hadria. + +"But I thought Professor Theobald said something about calling." + +"I leave you to entertain him, if he comes," Hadria returned, and +hastened away. She stopped at Martha's cottage for the child. Ah! What +would become of her if it were not for Martha? The two sauntered +together along the Craddock road. + +All night long, Hadria had been trying to decide when and how to speak +to Professor Theobald. Should she send for him? Should she write to him? +Should she trust to chance for an opportunity of speaking? But, no, she +could not endure to see him again in the presence of others, before she +had spoken! Yesterday's experience had been too terrible. She had +brought pencil and paper with her, in order to be able to write to him, +if she decided on that course. There were plenty of retired nooks under +the shade of the yew-trees in the churchyard, where one could write. +The thick hedges made it perfectly secluded, and at this hour, it was +always solitary. Little Martha was gathering wild-flowers in the hedges. +She used to pluck them to lay on her mother's grave. She had but a vague +idea of that unknown mother, but Hadria had tried to make the dead woman +live again, in the child's mind, as a gentle and tender image. The +little offering was made each time that they took their walk in the +direction of Craddock. The grave looked fresh and sweet in the summer +sunshine, with the ivy creeping up the tomb-stone and half obliterating +the name. A rose-tree that Hadria and Martha had planted together, was +laden with rich red blooms. + +The two figures stood, hand in hand, by the grave. The child stooped to +place her little tribute of flowers at the head of the green mound. +Neither of them noticed a tall figure at the wicket gate. He stood +outside, looking up the path, absolutely motionless. Martha let go +Hadria's hand, and ran off after a gorgeous butterfly that had fluttered +over the headstone: a symbol of the soul; fragile, beautiful, helpless +thing that any rough hand may crush and ruin. Hadria turned to watch the +graceful, joyous movement of the child, and her delight in the beauty of +the rich brown wings, with their enamelled spots of sapphire. + +"Hadria!" + +She gave a little gasping cry, and turned sharply. Professor Theobald +looked at her with an intent, triumphant expression. She stood before +him, for the moment, as if paralysed. It was by no means the first time +that this look had crossed his face, but she had been blind, and had not +fully understood it. He interpreted her cry and her paleness, as signs +of the fullness of his power over her. This pleased him immeasurably. +His self-love basked and purred. He felt that his moment of triumph had +come. Contrasting this meeting with the last occasion when they had +stood together beside this grave, had he not ground for self-applause? +He remembered so well that unpleasant episode. It was Hadria who stood +_then_ in the more powerful position. He had actually feared to meet her +eye. He remembered how bitterly she had spoken, of her passion for +revenge, of the relentless feud between man and woman. They had +discussed the question of vengeance; he had pointed out its futility, +and Hadria had set her teeth and desired it none the less. Lady Engleton +had reminded her of a woman's helplessness if she places herself in +opposition to a man, for whom all things are ordered in the society that +he governs; her only chance of striking a telling blow being through his +passions. If he were in love with her, _then_ there might be some hope +of making him wince. And Hadria, with a fierce swiftness had accepted +the condition, with a mixture of confidence in her own power of rousing +emotion, if she willed, and of scorn for the creature who could be +appealed to through his passions, but not through his sense of justice. +That she might herself be in that vulnerable condition, had not appeared +to strike her as possible. It was a challenge that he could not but +accept. She attracted him irresistibly. From the first moment of +meeting, he had felt her power, and recognized, at the same time, the +strange spirit of enmity that she seemed to feel towards him, and to +arouse in him against her. He felt the savage in him awake, the desire +of mere conquest. Long had he waited and watched, and at last he had +seen her flush and tremble at his approach; and as if to make his +victory more complete and insolent, it was at _this_ grave that she was +to confess herself ready to lose the world for his sake! Yes; and she +should understand the position of affairs to the full, and consent +nevertheless! + +Her adoption of the child had added to his triumph. He could not think +of it without a sense of something humourous in the relation of events. +If ever Fate was ironical, this was the occasion! He felt so sure of +Hadria to-day, that he was swayed by an overpowering temptation to +reveal to her the almost comic situation. It appealed to his sense of +the absurd, and to the savagery that lurked, like a beast of prey, at +the foundation of his nature. Her evident emotion when he arrived +yesterday afternoon and all through his visit, her agitation to-day, at +the mere sound of his voice, assured him that his hold over her was +secure. He must be a fool indeed if he could not keep it, in spite of +revelations. To offer himself to her threatened vengeance of his own +accord, and to see her turned away disarmed, because she loved him; that +would be the climax of his victory! + +There was something of their old antagonism, in the attitude in which +they stood facing one another by the side of the grave, looking straight +into one another's eyes. The sound of the child's happy laughter floated +back to them across the spot where its mother lay at rest. Whether +Theobald's intense consciousness of the situation had, in some way, +affected Hadria, or whether his expression had given a clue, it would be +difficult to say, but suddenly, as a whiff of scent invades the senses, +she became aware of a new and horrible fact which had wandered into her +mind, she knew not how; and she took a step backwards, as if stunned, +breathing shortly and quickly. Again he interpreted this as a sign of +intense feeling. + +"Hadria," he said bending towards her, "you do love me?" He did not wait +for her answer, so confident did he feel. "You love me for myself, not +for my virtues or qualities, for I have but few of those, alas!" She +tried to speak, but he interrupted her. "I want to make a confession to +you. I can never forget what you said that day of Marion Fenwick's +wedding, at the side of this very grave; you said that you wanted to +take vengeance on the man who had brought such misery to this poor +woman. You threatened--at least, it amounted to a threat--to make him +fall in love with you, if ever you should meet him, and to render him +miserable through his passion. I loved you and I trembled, but I thought +to myself, 'What if I could make her return my love? Where would the +vengeance be _then_?'" + +Hadria had remained, for a second, perfectly still, and then turned +abruptly away. + +"I knew it would be a shock to you. I did not dare to tell you before. +Think what depended on it for me. Had I told you at that moment, I knew +all hope for me would be at an end. But now, it seems to me my duty to +tell you. If you wish for vengeance still, here I am at your mercy--take +it." He stretched out his arms and stood waiting before her. But she was +silent. He was not surprised. Such a revelation, at such a moment, must, +of necessity, stun her. + +"Hadria, pronounce my fate. Do you wish for vengeance still? You have +only to take it, if you do. Only for heaven's sake, don't keep me in +suspense. Tell me your decision." + +Still silence. + +"Do you want to take revenge on me now?" he repeated. + +"No;" she said abruptly, "of what use would it be? No, no, wait, wait a +moment. I want no vengeance. It is useless for women to try to fight +against men; they can only _hate_ them!" + +The Professor started, as if he had been struck. + +They stood looking at one another. + +"In heaven's name, what is the meaning of this? Am I to be hated for a +sin committed years ago, and long since repented? Have you no breadth of +sympathy, no tolerance for erring humanity? Am I never to be forgiven? +Oh, Hadria, Hadria, this is more than I can bear!" + +She was standing very still and very calm. Her tones were clear and +deliberate. + +"If vengeance is futile, so is forgiveness. It undoes no wrong. It is +not a question of forgiveness or of vengeance. I think, after all, if I +were to attempt the impossible by trying to avenge women whom men have +injured, I should begin with the wives. In this case" (she turned to the +grave), "the tragedy is more obvious, but I believe the everyday tragedy +of the docile wife and mother is even more profound." + +"You speak as coldly, as bitterly, as if you regarded me as your worst +enemy--I who love you." He came forward a step, and she drew back +hurriedly. + +"All that is over. I too have a confession to make." + +"Good heavens, what is it? Are you not what I thought you? Have you some +history, some stain--? Don't for pity's sake tell me that!" + +Hadria looked at him, with a cold miserable smile. "That is really +amusing!" she cried; "I should not hold myself responsible to you, for +my past, in any case. My confession relates to the present. I came up +here with this pencil and paper, half resolved to write to you--I wanted +to tell you that--that I find--I find my feelings towards you have +changed----" + +He gave a hoarse, inarticulate cry, and turned sharply round. His hands +went up to his head. Then he veered suddenly, and went fiercely up to +her. + +"Then you _are_ in earnest? You _do_ hate me! for a sin dead and buried? +Good God! could one have believed it? Because I was honest with you, +where another man would have kept the matter dark, I am to be thrown +over without a word, without a chance. Lord, and this is what a woman +calls love!" + +He broke into a laugh that sounded ghastly and cruel, in the serene calm +of the churchyard. The laugh seemed to get the better of him. He had +lost self-control. He put his hands on his hips and went on laughing +harshly, yet sometimes with a real mirth, as if by that means only could +he express the fierce emotions that had been roused in him. Mortified +and furious as he was, he derived genuine and cynical amusement from the +incident. + +"And the devotion that we have professed--think of it! and the union of +souls--ha, ha, ha! and the common interests and the deep sympathy--it is +screaming! Almost worth the price I pay, for the sake of the rattling +good joke! And by this grave! Great heavens, how humourous is destiny!" +He leant his arms on the tomb-stone and laughed on softly, his big form +shaking, his strange sinister face appearing over the stone, irradiated +with merriment. In the dusk, among the graves, the grinning face looked +like that of some mocking demon, some gargoyle come to life, to cast a +spell of evil over the place. + +"Ah, me, life has its comic moments!" His eyes were streaming. "I fear I +must seem to you flippant, but you will admit the ludicrous side of the +situation. I am none the less ready to cut my throat--ha, ha, ha! Admit, +my dear Hadria--Mrs. Temperley--that it appeals also to _your_ sense of +humour. A common sense of humour, you know, was one of our bonds of +union. What more appropriate than that we should part with shaking +sides? Oh, Lord! oh, Lord! what am I to do? One can't live on a good +joke for ever." + +He grasped his head in his hands; then suddenly, he broke out into +another paroxysm. "The feminine nature always the same, always, always; +infinitely charming and infinitely volatile. Delicious, and oh how +instructive!" + +He slowly recovered calmness, and remained leaning on the gravestone. + +"May I ask when this little change began to occur!" he asked presently. + +"If you will ask in a less insolent fashion." + +He drew himself up from his leaning attitude, and repeated the question, +in different words. + +Hadria answered it, briefly. + +"Oh, I see," he said, the savage gleam coming back to his eyes. "The +change in your feelings began when Fortescue appeared?" + +Hadria flushed. + +"It was when he appeared that I became definitely aware of that which I +had been struggling with all my might and main to hide from myself, for +a long time." + +"And that was----?" + +"That there was something in you that made me--well, why should I not +say it?--that made me shrink." + +He set his lips. + +"You have not mentioned the mysterious something." + +"An element that I have been conscious of from the first day I saw you." + +"Something that _I_ had, and Fortescue had _not_, it would seem." + +"Yes." + +"And so, on account of this diaphanous, indescribable, exquisite +something, I am to be calmly thrown over; calmly told to go about my +business!" He began to walk up and down the pathway, with feverish +steps, talking rapidly, and representing Hadria's conduct in different +lights, each one making it appear more absurd and more unjust than the +last. + +"I have no defence to make," she said, "I know I have behaved +contemptibly; self-deception is no excuse. I can explain but not justify +myself. I wanted to escape from my eternal self; I was tired of fighting +and always in vain. I wanted to throw myself into the life and hopes of +somebody else, somebody who _had_ some chance of a real and effective +existence. Then other elements of attraction and temptation came; your +own memory will tell how many there were. You knew so well how to +surround me with these. Everything conspired to tempt me. It seemed as +if, in you, I had found a refuge from myself. You have no little power +over the emotions, as you are aware. My feeling has been genuine, heaven +knows! but, always, always, through it all, I have been aware of this +element that repels me; and I have distrusted you." + +"I knew you distrusted me," he said gloomily. + +"It is useless to say I bitterly regret it all. Naturally, I regret it +far more bitterly than you can do. And if my conduct towards you rankles +in your heart, you can remember that I have to contend with what is far +worse than any sense of being badly treated: the sense of having treated +someone badly." + +He walked up and down, with bent head and furrowed brows. He looked like +some restless wild animal pacing its cage. Intense mortification gave +him a strange, malicious expression. He seemed to be casting about for a +means of returning the stunning blow that he had received, just at the +moment of expected triumph. + +"Damn!" he exclaimed with sudden vehemence, and stood still, looking +down into Hadria's face, with cruel, glittering eyes. + +He glanced furtively around. There was no one in sight. Even little +Martha was making mud-pies by the church door. The thick yew trees shut +in the churchyard from the village. There was not a sound, far or near, +to break the sense of seclusion. + +"And you mean to tell me we are to part? You mean to tell me that this +is your final decision?" + +She bowed her head. With a sudden strong movement, he flung his arms +round her and clasped her in an embrace, as fierce and revengeful as the +sweep of the wind which sends great trees crashing to the ground, and +ships to the bottom of the sea. + +"You don't love me?" he enquired. + +"Let me go, let me go--coward--madman!" + +"You don't love me?" he repeated. + +"I _hate_ you--let me go!" + +"If this is the last time----" + +"I wish I could _kill_ you!" + +"Ah, that is the sort of woman I like!" + +"You make me know what it is to feel like a murderess!" + +"And to look like one, by heaven!" + +She wrenched herself away, with a furious effort. + +"Coward!" she cried. "I did right to mistrust you!" + +Little Martha ran up and offered her a wild heartsease which she had +found on one of the graves. Hadria, trembling and white, stooped +instinctively to take the flower, and as she did so, the whole +significance of the afternoon's revelation broke over her, with fresh +intensity. His child! + +He stood watching her, with malice in his eyes. + +"Come, come, Martha, let us go, let us go," she cried, feverishly. + +He moved backwards along the path, as they advanced. + +"I have to thank you for bestowing a mother's care on my poor child. You +can suppose what a joy the thought has been to me all along." + +Hadria flushed. + +"You need not thank me," she answered. "As you know, I did it first for +her mother's sake, and out of hatred to you, unknown as you then were to +me. Now I will do it for her own sake, and out of hatred to you, +bitterer than ever." + +She stooped to take the child's hand. + +"You are most kind, but I could not think of troubling you any longer. I +think of taking the little one myself. She will be a comfort to me, and +will cheer my lonely home. And besides you see, duty, Mrs. Temperley, +duty----" + +Hadria caught her breath, and stopped short. + +"You are going to take her away from me? You are going to revenge +yourself like that?" + +"You have made me feel my responsibilities towards my child, as I fear I +did not feel them before. I am powerless, of course, to make up for the +evil I have done her, but I can make some reparation. I can take her to +live with me; I can give her care and attention, I can give her a good +education. I have made up my mind." + +Hadria stood before him, white as the gravestone. + +"You said that vengeance was futile. So it is. Leave the child to me. +She shall--she shall want for nothing. Only leave her to me." + +"Duty must be our first consideration," he answered suavely. + +"I can give her all she needs. Leave her to me." + +But the Professor shook his head. + +"How do I know you have told me the truth?" Hadria exclaimed, with a +flash of fury. + +"Do you mean to dispute it?" he asked. + +She was silent. + +"I think you would find that a mistaken policy," he said, watching her +face. + +"I don't believe you can take her away!" cried Hadria. "I am acting for +her mother, and her mother, not having made herself into your legal +property, _has_ some legal right to her own child. I don't believe you +can make me give her up." + +The Professor looked at her calmly. + +"I think you will find that the law has infinite respect for a father's +holiest feelings. Would you have it interfere with his awakening +aspirations to do his duty towards his child? What a dreadful thought! +And then, I think you have some special views on the education of the +little one which I cannot entirely approve. After all, a woman has +probably to be a wife and mother, on the good old terms that have served +the world for a fair number of centuries, when one comes to consider it: +it is a pity to allow her to grow up without those dogmas and sentiments +that may help to make the position tolerable, if not always +satisfactory, to her. Though, as a philosopher, one may see the +absurdity of popular prejudices, yet as a practical man, one feels the +inexpediency of disturbing the ideas upon which the system depends, and +thus adding to the number of malcontents. All very well for those who +think things out for themselves; but the education of a girl should be +on the old lines, believe me. You will not believe me, I know, so I +think it better, for this as well as for other reasons, to take my +daughter under my own care. I am extremely sorry that you should have +had all this trouble and responsibility for nothing. And I am grieved +that your educational idea should be so frustrated, but what am I to do? +My duty is obvious!" + +"I regret that you did not become a devotee to duty, either a little +sooner or a little later," Hadria returned. "For the present, I suppose +Martha will remain with Hannah, until your conscience decides what +course you will take, and until I see whether you can carry out your +threat." + +"Certainly, certainly! I don't wish to give you any unnecessary pain." + +"You are consideration itself." Hadria stooped to take the child's hand. +The little fingers nestled confidingly in her palm. + +"Will you say good-bye, Martha?" asked the Professor, stooping to kiss +her. Martha drew away, and struck her father a sturdy blow on the face. +She had apparently a vague idea that he had been unkind to her +protectress, and that he was an enemy. + +"Oh, cruel, cruel! What if I don't bring her any more toys?" Martha +threatened tears. + +"Will you allow us to pass?" said Hadria. The Professor stood aside, and +the two went, hand in hand, down the narrow path, and through the wicket +gate out of the churchyard. Hadria carried still the drooping yellow +heartsease that the little girl had given her. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVI. + + +Professor Theobald made his confession to Lady Engleton on that same +night, when he also announced that he found it suddenly necessary to +return to town. + +It was some time before she recovered from her astonishment and horror. +He told his story quietly, and without an effort to excuse himself. + +"Of course, though I can't exonerate you, Professor, I blame her more +than you," she said finally, "for her standard in the matter was so +different from your's--you being a man." + +The Professor suppressed a smile. It always seemed strange to him that a +woman should be harder on her own sex than on his, but he had no +intention of discouraging this lack of _esprit de corps_; it had its +obvious conveniences. + +"Did she confess everything to her aunt after her return from +Portsmouth?" asked Lady Engleton. + +"Yes; I have that letter now." + +"In which your name is mentioned?" + +"In which my name is mentioned. I sent money to the girl, but she +returned it. She said that she hated me, and would not touch it. So I +gave the money to the aunt, and told her to send it on, in her own name, +to Ellen, for the child's support. Of course I made secrecy a condition. +So as a matter of fact, I have acknowledged the child, though not +publicly, and I have contributed to its support from its birth." + +"But I thought Mrs. Temperley had been supporting it!" cried Lady +Engleton. + +"Nevertheless I have continued to send the money to the aunt. If Mrs. +Temperley chose to take charge of the child, I certainly had nothing to +complain of. And I could not openly contribute without declaring +myself." + +"Dear me, it is all very strange! What would Hadria say if she knew?" + +"She does know." + +"What, all along?" + +"No, since yesterday." + +"And how does she take it?" + +"She is bitter against me. It is only natural, especially as I told her +that I wanted to have the child under my own care." + +"Ah, that will be a blow to her. She was wrapped up in the little girl." + +Professor Theobald pointed out the difficulties that must begin to crop +up, as she grew older. The child could not have the same advantages, in +her present circumstances, as the Professor would be able to give her. +Lady Engleton admitted that this was true. + +"Then may I count on you to plead my cause with Mrs. Temperley?" + +"If Hadria believes that it is for the child's good, she will not stand +in the way." + +"Unless----. You remember that idea of vengeance that she used to have?" + +"Oh, she would not let vengeance interfere with the child's welfare!" + +"I hope not. You see I don't want to adopt strong measures. The law is +always odious." + +"The law!" Lady Engleton looked startled. "Are you sure that the law +would give you the custody of the child?" + +"Sure of the law? My dear lady, one might as well be sure of a +woman--pardon me; you know that I regard this quality of infinite +flexibility as one of the supreme charms of your sex. I can't say that I +feel it to be the supreme charm of the law. Mrs. Temperley claims to +have her authority through the mother, because she has the written +consent of the aunt to the adoption, but I think this is rather +stretching a point." + +"I fear it is, since the poor mother was dead at the time." + +"I can prove everything I have said to the satisfaction of anybody," +continued Theobald, "I think my claim to take charge of my child is well +established, and you will admit the wish is not unreasonable." + +"It does you great credit, but, oh dear, it will be hard for Mrs. +Temperley." + +"I fear it will. I am most grieved, but what am I to do? I must consider +the best interests of the child." + +"Doubtless, but you are a trifle late, Professor, in thinking of that." + +"Would you prefer it to be never than late?" + +"Heaven forbid!" + +"Then I may rely on you to explain the position of affairs to Mrs. +Temperley? You will understand that it is a painful subject between us." + +Lady Engleton readily promised. She called at the Red House immediately +after Professor Theobald's departure. The interview was long. + +"Then I have not spoken in vain, dear Hadria?" said Lady Engleton, in +her most sympathetic tone. Hadria was very pale. + +"On the contrary, you have spoken to convince." + +"I knew that you would do nothing to stand in the way of the child." + +Hadria was silent. + +"I am very sorry about it. You were so devoted to the little girl, and +it does seem terribly hard that she should be taken away from you." + +"It was my last chance," Hadria muttered, half audibly. + +"Then I suppose you will not attempt to resist?" + +"No," said Hadria. + +"He thinks of leaving Martha with you for another month." + +"Really? It has not struck him that perhaps I may not keep her for +another month. Now that it is once established that Martha is to be +regarded as under _his_ guardianship and authority, and that my +jurisdiction ceases, he must take her at once. I will certainly not act +for _him_ in that matter. Since you are in his confidence, would you +kindly tell him that?" + +Lady Engleton looked surprised. "Certainly; I suppose he and his sister +will look after the child." + +"I shall send Martha up with Hannah." + +"It will astonish him." + +"Does he really think I am going to act as his deputy?" + +"He thought you would be glad to have Martha as long as possible." + +"As the child of Ellen Jervis, yes--not as his child." + +"I don't see that it matters much, myself," said Lady Engleton, +"however, I will let him know." + +"By telegram, please, because Martha will be sent to-morrow." + +"What breathless haste!" + +"Why delay? Hannah will be there--she knows everything about her charge; +and if she is only allowed to stay----" + +"He told me he meant to keep her." + +"I am thankful for that!" + +By this time, the story had flown through the village; nothing else was +talked of. The excitement was intense. Gossip ran high in hall and +cottage. Professor Fortescue alone could not be drawn into the +discussion. Lady Engleton took him aside and asked what he really +thought about it. All he would say was that the whole affair was deeply +tragic. He had no knowledge of the circumstances and feelings involved, +and his judgment must therefore be useless. It seemed more practical to +try to help one's fellows to resist sin, than to shriek at convicted +sinners. + +His departure had been fixed for the following morning. + +"So you and poor little Martha will go up together by the afternoon +train, I suppose," said Lady Engleton. + +Hadria spent the rest of the day at Martha's cottage. There were many +preparations to make. Hannah was bustling about, her eyes red with +weeping. She was heart-broken. She declared that she could never live +with "that bad man." But Hadria persuaded her, for Martha's sake, to +remain. And Hannah, with another burst of tears, gave an assurance which +amounted to a pledge, that she would take a situation with the Father of +Evil himself, rather than desert the blessed child. + +"I wonder if Martha realizes at all what is going to happen," said +Hadria sadly, as she stood watching the little girl playing with her +toys. Martha was talking volubly to the blue man. He still clung to a +precarious existence (though he was seriously chipped and faded since +the Paris days), and had as determined a centre of gravity as ever. + +"I don't think she understands, ma'am," said Hannah. "I kep' on tellin' +her, and once she cried and said she did not want to go, but she soon +forgot it." + +Hadria remained till it was time to dress for dinner. Professor +Fortescue had promised to dine with her and Valeria on this last +evening. Little Martha had been put early to bed, in order that she +might have a long rest before the morrow's journey. The golden curls lay +like strands of silk on the pillow, the bright eyes were closed in +healthful slumber. The child lay, the very image of fresh and pure and +sweet human life, with no thought and no dread of the uncertain future +that loomed before her. Hannah had gone upstairs to pack her own +belongings. The little window was open, as usual, letting the caressing +air wander in, as sweet and fresh as the little body and soul to which +it had ministered from the beginning. + +The busy, loud-ticking clock was working on with cheerful unconcern, as +if this were just like every other day whose passing moments it had +registered. The hands were pointing towards seven, and the dinner hour +was half-past seven. Hadria stood looking down at the sleeping child, +her hands resting on the low rail of the cot. There was a desolate look +in her eyes, and something more terrible still, almost beyond +definition. It was like the last white glow of some vast fire that has +been extinguished. + +Suddenly--as something that gives way by the run, after a long +resistance--she dropped upon her knees beside the cot with a slight cry, +and broke into a silent storm of sobs, deep and suppressed. The +stillness of the room was unbroken, and one could hear the loud +tick-tack of the little clock telling off the seconds with business-like +exactness. + + + + +CHAPTER LVII. + + +The evening was sultry. Although the windows of the dining-room were +wide open, not a breath of air came in from the garden. A dull, muggy +atmosphere brooded sullenly among the masses of the evergreens, and in +the thick summer foliage of the old walnut tree on the lawn. + +"How oppressive it is!" Valeria exclaimed. + +She had been asked to allow a niece of Madame Bertaux, who was to join +some friends in Italy, to make the journey under her escort, and the +date of her departure was therefore fixed. She had decided to return to +town on the morrow, to make her preparations. + +Valeria declared impulsively that she would stay at home, after all. She +could not bear to leave Hadria for so many lonely months. + +"Oh, no, no," cried Hadria in dismay, "don't let me begin _already_ to +impoverish other lives!" + +Valeria remonstrated but Hadria persisted. + +"At least I have learnt _that_ lesson," she said. "I should have been a +fool if I hadn't, for my life has been a sermon on the text." + +Professor Fortescue gave a little frown, as he often did when some +painful idea passed through his mind. + +"It is happening everywhere," said Hadria, "the poor, sterile lives +exhaust the strong and full ones. I will not be one of those vampire +souls, at least not while I have my senses about me." + +Again, the little frown of pain contracted the Professor's brow. + +The dusk had invaded the dinner table, but they had not thought of +candles. They went straight out to the still garden. Valeria had a fan, +with which she vainly tried to overcome the expression of the +atmosphere. She was very low-spirited. Hadria looked ill and exhausted. +Little Martha's name was not mentioned. It was too sore a subject. + +"I can't bear the idea of leaving you, Hadria, especially when you talk +like that. I wish, _how_ I wish, that some way could be found out of +this labyrinth. Is this sort of thing to be the end of all the grand new +hopes and efforts of women? Is all our force to be killed and +overwhelmed in this absurd way?" + +"Ah, no, not all, in heaven's name!" + +"But if women won't repudiate, in practice, the claims that they hold to +be unjust, in theory, how can they hope to escape? We may talk to all +eternity, if we don't act." + +Hadria shrugged her shoulders. + +"Your reasoning is indisputable, but what can one do? There _are_ +cases----in short, some things are impossible!" + +Valeria was silent. "I have thought, at times, that you might make a +better stand," she said at last, clinging still to her theory of the +sovereignty of the will. + +Hadria did not reply. + +The Professor shook his head. + +"You know my present conditions," said Hadria, after a silence. "I can't +overcome them. But perhaps some one else in my place might overcome +them. I confess I don't see how. Do you?" + +Valeria hesitated. She made some vague statement about strength of +character, and holding on through storm and stress to one's purpose; had +not this been the history of all lives worth living? + +Hadria agreed, but pressed the practical question. And that Valeria +could not answer. She could not bring herself to say that the doctor's +warnings ought to be disregarded by Hadria, at the risk of her mother's +life. It was not merely a risk, but a practical certainty that any +further shock or trouble would be fatal. Valeria was tongue-tied. + +"Now do you see why I feel so terrified when anyone proposes to narrow +down his existence, even in the smallest particular, for my sake?" asked +Hadria. "It is because I see what awful power a human being may acquire +of ravaging and of ruling other lives, and I don't want to acquire that +power. I see that the tyranny may be perfectly well-intentioned, and +indeed scarcely to be called tyranny, for it is but half conscious, yet +only the more irresistible for that." + +"It is one's own fault if one submits to _conscious_ tyranny," the +Professor put in, "and I think tyrant and victim are then much on a +par." + +"A mere _demand_ can be resisted," Hadria added; "it is _grief_, real +grief, however unreasonable, that brings people to their knees. But, oh, +may the day hasten, when people shall cease to grieve when others claim +their freedom!" + +Valeria smiled. "I don't think you are in much danger of grudging +liberty to your neighbours, Hadria; so you need not be so frightened of +becoming a vampire, as I think you call it." + +"Not _now_, but how can one tell what the result of years and years of +monotonous existence may be, or the effect of example? How did it happen +that my mother came to feel aggrieved if her daughters claimed some +right of choice in the ordering of their lives? I suppose it is because +_her_ mother felt aggrieved if _she_ ventured to call her soul her own." + +Valeria laughed. + +"But it is true," said Hadria. "Very few of us, if any, are in the least +original as regards our sorrowing. We follow the fashion. We are not so +presumptuous as to decide for ourselves what shall afflict us." + +"Or what shall transport us with joy," added Valeria, with a shrug. + +"Still less perhaps. Tradition says 'Weep, this is the moment,' or +'Rejoice, the hour has come,' and we chant our dirge or kindle our +bonfires accordingly. Why, it means a little martyrdom to the occasional +sinner who selects his own occasion for sorrow or for joy." + +Valeria laughed at the notion of Hadria's being under the dictatorship +of tradition, or of anything else, as to her emotions. + +But Hadria held that everybody was more or less subject to the thraldom. +And the thraldom increased as the mind and the experience narrowed. And +as the narrowing process progressed, she said, the exhausting or vampire +quality grew and grew. + +"I have seen it, I have seen it! Those who have been starved in life, +levy a sort of tax on the plenty of others, in the instinctive effort to +replenish their own empty treasure-house. Only that is impossible. One +can gain no riches in that fashion. One can only reduce one's victim to +a beggary like one's own." + +Valeria was perturbed. + +"The more I see of life, the more bitter a thing it seems to be a woman! +And one of the discouraging features of it is, that women are so ready +to oppress each other!" + +"Because they have themselves suffered oppression," said the Professor. +"It is a law that we cannot evade; if we are injured, we pay back the +injury, whether we will or not, upon our neighbours. If we are blessed, +we bless, but if we are cursed, we curse." + +"These moral laws, or laws of nature, or whatever one likes to call +them, seem to be stern as death!" exclaimed Valeria. "I suppose we are +all inheriting the curse that has been laid upon our mothers through so +many ages." + +"We are not free from the shades of our grandmothers," said Hadria, +"only I hope a little (when I have not been to the Vicarage for some +time) that we may be less of a hindrance and an obsession to our +granddaughters than our grandmothers have been to us." + +"Ah! that way lies hope!" cried the Professor. + +"I wish, I _wish_ I could believe!" Valeria exclaimed. "But I was born +ten years too early for the faith of this generation." + +"It is you who have helped to give this generation its faith," said +Hadria. + +"But have you real hope and real faith, in your heart of hearts? Tell +me, Hadria." + +Hadria looked startled. + +"Ah! I knew it. Women _don't_ really believe that the cloud will lift. +If they really believed what they profess, they would prove it. They +would not submit and resign themselves. Oh, why don't you shew what a +woman can do, Hadria?" + +Hadria gave a faint smile. + +She did not speak for some time, and when she did, her words seemed to +have no direct reference to Valeria's question. + +"I believe that there are thousands and thousands of women whose lives +have run on parallel lines with mine." + +She recalled a strange and grotesque vision, or waking-dream, that she +had dreamt a few nights before: of a vast abyss, black and silent, which +had to be filled up to the top with the bodies of women, hurled down to +the depths of the pit of darkness, in order that the survivors might, at +last, walk over in safety. Human bodies take but little room, and the +abyss seemed to swallow them, as some greedy animal its prey. But Hadria +knew, in her dream, that some day it would have claimed its last victim, +and the surface would be level and solid, so that people would come and +go, scarcely remembering that beneath their feet was once a chasm into +which throbbing lives had to descend, to darkness and a living death. + +Valeria looked anxious and ill at ease. She watched Hadria's face. + +She was longing to urge her to leave Craddock Dene, but was deterred by +the knowledge of the uselessness of such advice. Hadria could not take +it. + +"I chafe against these situations!" cried Valeria. "I am so unused, in +my own life, to such tethers and limitations. They would drive me +crazy!" + +"Oh," Hadria exclaimed, with an amused smile, "this is a new cry!" + +"I don't care," said Valeria discontentedly. "I never supposed that one +_could_ be tied hand and foot, in this way. I should never stand it. It +is intolerable!" + +"These are what you have frequently commended to me as 'home ties,'" +said Hadria. + +"Oh, but it is impossible!" + +"You attack the family!" cried the Professor. + +"If the family makes itself ridiculous----?" + +The Professor and Hadria laughed. Valeria was growing excited. + +"The natural instinct of man to get his fun at his neighbour's expense +meets with wholesome rebuffs in the outer world," said the Professor, +"but in the family it has its chance. That's why the family is so +popular." + +Valeria, with her wonted capriciousness, veered round in defence of the +institution that she had been just jeering at. + +"Well, after all, it is the order of Nature to have one's fun at the +expense of someone, and I don't believe we shall ever be able to +practise any other principle, I mean on a national scale, however much +we may progress." + +"Oh, but we shan't progress unless we _do_," said the Professor. + +"You are always paradoxical." + +"There is no paradox here. I am just as certain as I am of my own +existence, that real, solid, permanent progress is impossible to any +people until they recognise, as a mere truism, that whatever is gained +by cruelty, be it towards the humblest thing alive, is not gain, but the +worst of loss." + +"Oh, you always go too far!" cried Valeria. + +"I don't admit that in a horror of cruelty, it is possible to go too +far," the Professor replied. "Cruelty is the one unpardonable sin." He +passed his hand across his brow, with a weary gesture, as if the +pressure of misery and tumult and anguish in the world, were more than +he could bear. + +"You won't give up your music, Hadria," Valeria said, at the end of a +long cogitation. + +"It is a forlorn sort of pursuit," Hadria answered, with a whimsical +smile, "but I will do all I can." Valeria seemed relieved. + +"And you will not give up hope?" + +"Hope? Of what?" + +"Oh, of--of----. What an absurd question!" + +Hadria smiled. "It is better to face facts, I think, than to shroud them +away. After all, it is only by the rarest chance that character and +conditions happen to suit each other so well that the powers can be +developed. They are generally crushed. One more or less----." Hadria +gave a shrug. + +The Professor broke in, abruptly. + +"It is exactly the one more or less that sends the balance up or down, +that decides the fate of men and nations. An individual often counts +more than a generation. If that were not so, nothing would be possible, +and hope would be insane." + +"Perhaps it is!" said Hadria beneath her breath. + +The Professor had risen. He heard the last words, but made no +remonstrance. Yet there was a something in his expression that gave +comfort. + +"I fear I shall have to be going back," he said, looking at his watch. +As he spoke, the first notes of a nightingale stole out of the +shrubbery. Voices were hushed, and the three stood listening spellbound, +to the wonderful impassioned song. Hadria marvelled at its strange +serenity, despite the passion, and speculated vaguely as to the +possibility of a paradox of the same kind in the soul of a human being. +Passion and serenity? Had not the Professor combined these apparent +contradictions? + +There was ecstasy so supreme in the bird's note that it had become calm +again, like great heat that affects the senses, as with frost, or a +flooded river that runs swift and smooth for very fulness. + +Presently, a second nightingale began to answer from a distant tree, and +the garden was filled with the wild music. One or two stars had already +twinkled out. + +"I ought really to be going," said the Professor. + +But he lingered still. His eyes wandered anxiously to Hadria's white +face. He said good-night to Valeria, and then he and Hadria walked to +the gate together. + +"You will come back and see us at Craddock Dene soon after you return, +won't you?" she said wistfully. + +"Of course I will. And I hope that meanwhile, you will set to work to +get strong and well. All your leisure ought to be devoted to that +object, for the present. I should be so delighted to hear from you now +and again, when you have a spare moment and the spirit moves you. I will +write and tell you how I fare, if I may. If, at any time, I can be of +service to you, don't forget how great a pleasure it would be to me to +render it. I hope if ever I come back to England----" + +"When you come back," Hadria corrected, hastily. + +----"that we may meet oftener." + +"Indeed, that will be something to look forward to!" + +They exchanged the hearty, lingering handshake of trusty friendship and +deep affection. The last words, the last good wishes, were spoken, the +last wistful effort was made of two human souls to bid each other be of +good cheer, and to bring to one another comfort and hope. Hadria leant +on the gate, a lonely figure in the dim star-light, watching the form +that had already become shadowy, retreating along the road and gradually +losing itself in the darkness. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVIII. + + +Autumn had come round again. Craddock Dene had calmed down after the +exciting event of the summer. Martha's little cottage was now standing +empty, the virginia creeper trailing wildly, in thick festoons and +dangling sprays over the porch and creeping up round the windows, even +threatening to cover them with a ruddy screen, since now the bright +little face no longer looked out of the latticed panes, and the cottage +was given over to dust and spiders. + +Mrs. Temperley was often seen by the villagers passing along the road +towards Craddock. She would sometimes pause at the cottage, to gather a +few of the flowers that still came up in the tiny garden. It was said +that she gathered them to lay on Ellen Jervis's grave. + +"Dear, dear, she do take on about that child!" Dodge used to say, as she +passed up the street of Craddock. And Mrs. Gullick, good soul, would +shake her head and express her sympathy, in spite of not "holding" with +Mrs. Temperley's "ways." + +Her poorer neighbours understood far more than the others could +understand, how sorely she was grieving about the child. Because she +said nothing on the subject, it was generally supposed that she had +ceased to care. After all, it was an act of charity that she had +undertaken, on an impulse, and it was quite as well that she should be +relieved of the responsibility. + +Hannah used to write regularly, to let her know how Martha was. +Professor Theobald had directed Hannah to do this. The nurse had to +admit that he was very good and very devoted to the child. She throve in +her new home, and seemed perfectly happy. + +Hadria was now delivered over to the tender mercies of her own thoughts. +Her memories burnt, as corrosive acids, in her brain. She could find no +shadow of protection from her own contempt. There was not one nook or +cranny into which that ruthless self-knowledge could not throw its cruel +glare. In the hours of darkness, in the haunted hours of the early +morning, she and her memories played horrible games with one another. +She was hunted, they the hunters. There was no thought on which she +could rest, no consoling remembrance. She often wished that she had +followed her frequent impulse to tell Miss Du Prel the whole wretched +story. But she could not force herself to touch the subject through the +painful medium of speech. Valeria knew that Hadria was capable of any +outward law-breaking, but she would never be prepared for the breaking +of her own inner law, the real canon on which she had always laid so +much stress. And then she had shrunk from the idea of betraying a secret +not solely her own. If she told the story, Valeria would certainly guess +the name. She felt a still greater longing that Professor Fortescue +should know the facts; he would be able to help her to face it all, and +to take the memory into her life and let its pain eat out what was base +and evil in her soul. He would give her hope; his experience, his +extraordinary sympathy, would enable him to understand it all, better +than she did herself. If he would look at this miserable episode +unflinchingly, and still hold out his hand to her, as she knew he would, +and still believe in her, then she might believe still in herself, in +her power of rising after this lost illusion, this shock of +self-detection, and of going on again, sadder, and perhaps stronger; but +if he thought that since she was capable of a real treason against her +gods, that she was radically unsound at heart, and a mass of +sophistication, then--Hadria buried her face in the pillow. She went +through so often now, these paroxysms of agony. Do what she would, look +where she might, she saw no relief. She was afraid to trust herself. She +was afraid to accept her own suggestions of comfort, if ever a ray of it +came to her, lest it should be but another form of self-deception, +another proof of moral instability. In her eternal tossing to and fro, +in mental anguish, the despairing idea often assailed her: that after +all, it did not matter what she did or thought. She was but an atom of +the vast whole, a drop in the ocean of human life. + +She had no end or motive in anything. She could go on doing what had to +be done to the last, glad if she might bring a little pleasure in so +acting, but beyond that, what was there to consider? The wounds to her +vanity and her pride ached a little, at times, but the infinitely deeper +hurt of disillusion overwhelmed the lesser feeling. She was too +profoundly sad to care for that trivial mortification. + +Sometimes, Professor Fortescue used to write to Hadria, and she looked +forward to these letters as to nothing else. She heard from Valeria +also, who had met the Professor at Siena. She said he did not look as +well as she had hoped to find him. She could not see that he had gained +at all, since leaving England. He was cheerful, and enjoying sunny Italy +as much as his strength would allow. Valeria was shocked to notice how +very weak he was. He had a look in his face that she could not bear to +see. If he did not improve soon, she thought of trying to persuade him +to return home to see his doctor again. When one was ill, home was the +best place after all. + +"You and Professor Fortescue," she said, in closing her letter, "are the +two people I love in the world. You are all that I have in life to cling +to. Write to me, dearest Hadria, for I am very anxious and wretched." + +The affairs of life and death mix themselves incongruously enough, in +this confused world. The next news that stirred the repose of Craddock +Dene, was that of Algitha's engagement to Wilfrid Burton. In spite of +his socialistic views, Mrs. Fullerton was satisfied with the marriage, +because Wilfrid Burton was well-connected and had good expectations. The +mother had feared that Algitha would never marry at all, and she not +only raised no objection, but seemed relieved. Wilfrid Burton had come +down to stay at the Red House, during one of Algitha's holidays, and it +was then that the betrothal had taken place. The marriage promised to be +happy, for the couple were deeply attached and had interests in common. +They intended to continue to work on the same lines after they were +married. Both parents were favourably impressed by the son-in-law elect, +and the Cottage became the scene of exciting arguments on the subject of +socialism. Mr. Fullerton insisted on holding Wilfrid Burton responsible +for every sort of theory that had ever been attributed not merely to +socialists, but to communists, anarchists, collectivists, nihilists, and +the rest; and nothing would persuade him that the young man was not +guilty of all these contradictory enormities of thought. Wilfrid's +personality, however, overcame every prejudice against him, on this +account, after the first meeting. + +Joseph Fleming, among others, congratulated Algitha heartily on her +engagement. + +"I can see you are very happy," he said naïvely. She laughed and +coloured. + +"Indeed I ought to be. Life is gloriously worth living, when it is lived +in the presence of good and generous souls." + +"I wish _I_ had married," said Joseph pensively. + +"It is not too late to mend," suggested Algitha. + +"How reckless you are!" exclaimed her sister. "How can you recommend +marriage in the abstract? You happen to have met just the right person, +but Mr. Fleming hasn't, it would seem." + +"If one person can be so fortunate, so can another," said Algitha. + +"Why tempt Providence? Rather bear the ills you have----" + +"I am surprised to hear you take a gloomy view of anything, Mrs. +Temperley," said Joseph; "I always thought you so cheerful. You say +funnier things than any lady I have ever met, except an Irish girl who +used to sing comic songs." + +Both sisters laughed. + +"How do you know that, in the intervals of her comic songs, that girl +has not a gloomy disposition?" asked Hadria. + +"Oh no, you can see that she is without a care in the world; she is like +Miss Fullerton, always full of good cheer and kindness." + +"Had she also slums to cheer her up?" asked Hadria. + +"No, not at all. She never does anything in particular." + +"I am surprised that she is cheerful then," said Algitha. "It won't +last." + +"It is her slums that keep my sister in such good spirits," said Hadria. + +"Really! Well, if you are fond of that sort of thing, Mrs. Temperley, +there are some nasty enough places at the lower end of Craddock----" + +"Oh, it isn't that one clings to slums for slums' sake," cried Hadria +laughing. + +"I am afraid they are already overrun with visitors," Joseph added. +"There are so many Miss Walkers." + +It was not long after this conversation, that Craddock Dene was thrilled +by another piece of matrimonial news. Joseph Fleming was announced to be +engaged to the Irish girl who sang comic songs. She was staying with +Mrs. Jordan at the time. And the Irish girl, whose name was Kathleen +O'Halloran, came and sang her comic songs to Craddock Dene, while Joseph +sat and beamed in pride and happiness, and the audience rippled with +laughter. + +Kathleen was very pretty and very fascinating, with her merry, +kind-hearted ways, and she became extremely popular with her future +neighbours. + +Little changes had taken place in the village, through death or marriage +or departure. Dodge had laid to rest many victims of influenza, which +visited the neighbourhood with great severity. Among the slain, poor +Dodge had to number his own wife. The old man was broken down with his +loss. He loved to talk over her illness and death with Hadria, whose +presence seemed to comfort him more than anything else, as he assured +her, in his quaint dialect. + +Sometimes, returning through the Craddock Woods, Hadria would pass +through the churchyard on her way home, after her walk, and there she +would come upon Dodge patiently at work upon some new grave, the sound +of his pickaxe breaking the autumn silence, ominously. His head was more +bent than of yore, and his hair was whiter. His old face would brighten +up when he heard Hadria's footstep, and he would pause, a moment or two, +for a gossip. The conversation generally turned upon his old "missus," +who was buried under a yew tree, near the wicket gate. Then he would ask +after Hadria's belongings; about her father and mother, about Hubert, +and the boys. Mr. Fullerton had made the gravedigger's acquaintance, and +won his hearty regard by many a chat and many a little kindness. Dodge +had never ceased to regret that Martha had been taken away from +Craddock. The place seemed as if it had gone to sleep, he said. Things +weren't as they used to be. + +Hadria would often go to see the old man, trying to cheer him and +minister to his growing ailments. His shrewdness was remarkable. Mr. +Fullerton quoted Dodge as an authority on matters of practical +philosophy, and the old gravedigger became a sort of oracle at the +Cottage. Wilfrid Burton complained that he was incessantly confronted +with some saying of Dodge, and from this there was no appeal. + +The news from Italy was still far from reassuring. Valeria was terribly +anxious. But she felt thankful, she said, to be with the invalid and +able to look after him. The doctors would not hear of his returning to +England at the approach of winter. It would be sheer suicide. He must go +further south. Valeria had met some old friends, among them Madame +Bertaux, and they had decided to go on together, perhaps to Naples or +Sorrento. Her friends had all fallen in love with the Professor, as +every one did. They were a great help and comfort to her. If it were not +for the terrible foreboding, Valeria said she would be perfectly happy. +The Professor's presence seemed to change the very atmosphere. He spoke +often about Hadria, and over and over again asked Valeria to watch over +her and help her. And he spoke often about his wife. Valeria confessed +that, at one time, she used to be horribly and shamefully jealous of +this wife, whom he worshipped so faithfully, but now that feeling had +left her. She was thankful for the great privilege of his friendship. A +new tone had come over Valeria's letters, of late; the desperate, almost +bitter element had passed away, and something approaching serenity had +taken its place. + +No one, she said, could be in the Professor's presence every day, and +remain exactly the same as before. She saw his potent, silent influence +upon every creature who crossed his path. He came and went among his +fellows, quietly, beneficently, and each was the better for having met +him, more or less, according to the fineness and sensitiveness of the +nature. + +"My love for him," said Valeria, "used at one time to be a great trouble +to me. It made me restless and unhappy. Now I am glad of it, and though +there must be an element of pain in a hopeless love, yet I hold myself +fortunate to have cherished it." + +Hadria received this letter from the postman when she was coming out of +Dodge's cottage. + +It threw her into a conflict of strong and painful feeling: foreboding, +heart-sickness, a longing so strong to see her friends that it seemed as +if she must pack up instantly and go to them, and through it all, a +sense of loneliness that was almost unbearable. How she envied Valeria! +To love with her whole heart, without a shadow of doubt; to have that +element of warmth in her life which could never fail her, like sunshine +to the earth. Among the cruelest elements of Hadria's experience had +been that emptying of her heart; the rebuff to the need for love, the +conviction that she was to go through life without its supreme emotion. +Professor Theobald had thrown away what might have been a +master-passion. The outlook was so blank and cold, so unutterably +lonely! She looked back to the days at Dunaghee, as if several lifetimes +had passed between her and them. What illusions they had all harboured +in those strange old days! + +"Do you remember our famous discussion on Emerson in the garret?" she +said to Algitha. + +"Do I? It is one of the episodes of our youth that stands out most +distinctly." + +"And how about Emerson's doctrine? _Are_ we the makers of our +circumstances? _Does_ our fate 'fit us like a glove?'" + +Algitha looked thoughtful. "I doubt it," she said. + +"Yet you have brilliantly done what you meant to do." + +"My own experience does not overshadow my judgment entirely, I hope," +said Algitha. "I have seen too much of a certain tragic side of life to +be able to lay down a law of that sort. I can't believe, for instance, +that among all those millions in the East End, not _one_ man or woman, +for all these ages, was born with great capacities, which better +conditions might have allowed to come to fruition. I think you were +right, after all. It is a matter of relation." + +The autumn was unusually fine, and the colours sumptuous beyond +description. The vast old trees that grew so tall and strong, in the +genial English soil, burnt away their summer life in a grand +conflagration. + +Hubert had successfully carried the day with regard to the important +case which had taken him abroad, and had now returned to Craddock Dene. +Henriette came to stay at the Red House. + +She followed her brother, one day, into the smoking-room, and there, +with much tact and circumlocution, gave him to understand that she +thought Hadria was becoming more sensible; that she was growing more +like other people, less opinionated, wiser, and better in every way. + +"Hadria was always very sweet, of course," said Henriette, "but she had +the faults of her qualities, as we all have. You have had your trials, +dear Hubert, but I rejoice to believe that Hadria will give you little +further cause for pain or regret." Hubert made no reply. He placed the +tips of his fingers together and looked into the fire. + +"I think that the companionship of Lady Engleton has been of great +service to Hadria," he observed, after a long pause. + +"Unquestionably," assented Henriette. "She has had an enormous influence +upon her. She has taught Hadria to see that one may hold one's own ideas +quietly, without flying in everybody's face. Lady Engleton is a +pronounced agnostic, yet she never misses a Sunday at Craddock Church, +and I am glad to see that Hadria is following her example. It must be a +great satisfaction to you, Hubert. People used to talk unpleasantly +about Hadria's extremely irregular attendance. It is such a mistake to +offend people's ideas, in a small place like this." + +"That is what I told Hadria," said Hubert, "and her mother has been +speaking seriously to her on the subject. Hadria made no opposition, +rather to my surprise. She said that she would go as regularly as our +dining-room clock, if it gave us all so much satisfaction." + +"How charming!" cried Henriette benevolently, "and how characteristic!" + +As Hadria sank in faith and hope, she rose in the opinion of her +neighbours. She was never nearer to universal unbelief than now, when +the orthodox began to smile upon her. + +Life presented itself to her as a mere welter of confused forces. If +goodness, or aspiration, or any godlike thing arose, for a moment--like +some shipwrecked soul with hands out-stretched above the waves--swiftly +it sank again submerged, leaving only a faint ripple on the surface, +soon overswept and obliterated. + +She could detect no light on the face of the troubled waters. Looking +around her at other lives, she saw the story written in different +characters, but always the same; hope, struggle, failure. The pathos of +old age wrung her heart; the sorrows of the poor, the lonely, the +illusions of the seeker after wealth, the utter vanity of the objects of +men's pursuit, and the end of it all! + +"I wonder what is the secret of success, Hadria?" + +"Speaking generally, I should say to have a petty aim." + +"Then if one succeeds after a long struggle," said Algitha pensively. + +"One finds it, I doubt not, the dismalest of failures." + +A great cloud of darkness seemed to have descended over the earth. +Hadria felt cut off even from Nature. The splendours of the autumn +appeared at a vast distance from her. They belonged to another world. +She could not get near them. Mother earth had deserted her child. + +A superficial apathy was creeping over her, below which burnt a slow +fire of pain. But the greater the apathy, which expressed itself +outwardly in a sort of cheerful readiness to take things as they came, +the more delighted everybody appeared to be with the repentant sinner. +Her associates seemed to desire earnestly that she should go to church, +as they did, in her best bonnet----and why not? She would get a best +bonnet, as ridiculous as they pleased, and let Mr. Walker do his worst. +What did it matter? Who was the better or the worse for what she thought +or how she acted? What mattered it, whether she were consistent or not? +What mattered it if she seemed, by her actions, to proclaim her belief +in dogmas that meant nothing to her, except as interesting products of +the human mind? She had not enough faith to make it worth while to stand +alone. + +Lord Engleton said he thought it right to go to church regularly, for +the sake of setting an example to the masses, a sentiment which always +used to afford Hadria more amusement than many intentional witticisms. + +She went often to the later service, when the autumn twilight lay heavy +and sad upon the churchyard, and the peace of evening stole in through +the windows of the church. Then, as the sublime poetry of psalmist or +prophet rolled through the Norman arches, or the notes of the organ +stole out of the shadowed chancel, a spirit of repose would creep into +the heart of the listener, and the tired thoughts would take a more +rhythmic march. She felt nearer to her fellows, at such moments, than at +any other. Her heart went out to them, in wistful sympathy. They seemed +to be standing together then, one and all, at the threshold of the great +Mystery, and though they might be parted ever so widely by circumstance, +temperament, mental endowment, manner of thought, yet after all, they +were brethren and fellow sufferers; they shared the weakness, the +longing, the struggle of life; they all had affections, ambitions, +heart-breakings, sins, and victories; the differences were slight and +transient, in the presence of the vast unknown, the Ultimate Reality for +which they were all groping in the darkness. This sense of brotherhood +was strongest with regard to the poorer members of the congregation: the +labourers with their toil-stained hands and bent heads, the wives, the +weary mothers, their faces seamed with the ceaseless strain of +child-bearing, and hard work, and care and worry. In their prematurely +ageing faces, in their furrowed brows, Hadria could trace the marks of +Life's bare and ruthless hand, which had pressed so heavily on those +whose task it had been to bestow the terrible gift. Here the burden had +crushed soul and flesh; here that insensate spirit of Life had worked +its will, gratified its rage to produce and reproduce, it mattered not +what in the semblance of the human, so long only as that wretched +semblance repeated itself, and repeated itself again, _ad nauseam_, +while it destroyed the creatures which it used for its wild purpose---- + +And the same savage story was written, once more, on the faces of the +better dressed women: worry, weariness, apathy, strain; these were +marked unmistakeably, after the first freshness of youth had been driven +away, and the features began to take the mould of the habitual thoughts +and the habitual impressions. + +And on these faces, there was a certain pettiness and coldness not +observable on those of the poorer women. + +Often, when one of the neighbours called and found Hadria alone, some +chance word of womanly sympathy would touch a spring, and then a sad, +narrow little story of trouble and difficulty would be poured out; a +revelation of the bewildered, toiling, futile existences that were being +passed beneath a smooth appearance; of the heart-ache and heroism and +misplaced sacrifice, of the ruined lives that a little common sense and +common kindness might have saved; the unending pain and trouble about +matters entirely trivial, entirely absurd; the ceaseless travail to +bring forth new elements of trouble for those who must inherit the deeds +of to-day; the burdened existences agonizing to give birth to new +existences, equally burdened, which in their turn, were to repeat the +ceaseless oblation to the gods of Life. + +"Futile?" said Lady Engleton. "I think women are generally fools, _entre +nous_; that is why they so often fill their lives with sound and fury, +accomplishing nothing." + +Hadria felt that this was a description of her own life, as well as that +of most of her neighbours. + +"I can understand so well how it is that women become conventional," she +said, apparently without direct reference to the last remark, "it is so +useless to take the trouble to act on one's own initiative. It annoys +everybody frightfully, and it accomplishes nothing, as you say." + +"My dear Hadria, you alarm me!" cried Lady Engleton, laughing. "You must +really be very ill indeed, if you have come to this conclusion!" + +In looking over some old papers and books, one afternoon, Hadria came +upon the little composition called _Futility_, which a mood had called +forth at Dunaghee, years ago. She had almost forgotten about it, and in +trying it over, she found that it was like trying over the work of some +other person. + +It expressed with great exactness the feelings that overwhelmed her now, +whenever she let her imagination dwell upon the lives of women, of +whatever class and whatever kind. Futility! The mournful composition, +with its strange modern character, its suggestion of striving and +confusion and pain, expressed as only music could express, the yearning +and the sadness that burden so many a woman's heart to-day. + +She knew that the music was good, and that now she could compose music +infinitely better. The sharpness of longing for her lost art cut through +her. She half turned from the piano and then went back, as a moth to the +flame. + +How was this eternal tumult to be stilled? Facts were definite and +clear, there was no room for doubt or for hope. These facts then had to +be dealt with. How did other women deal with them? Not so much better +than she did, after all, as it appeared when one was allowed to see +beneath the amiable surface of their lives. They were all spinning round +and round, in a dizzy little circle, all whirling and toiling and +troubling, to no purpose. + +Even Lady Engleton, who appeared so bright and satisfied, had her secret +misery which spoilt her life. She had beauty, talent, wealth, everything +to make existence pleasant and satisfactory, but she had allowed +externals and unessentials to encroach upon it, to govern her actions, +to usurp the place of her best powers, to creep into her motives, till +there was little germ and heart of reality left, and she was beginning +to feel starved and aimless in the midst of what might have been plenty. +Lady Engleton had turned to her neighbour at the Red House in an +instinctive search for sympathy, as the more genuine side of her nature +began to cry out against the emptiness of her graceful and ornate +existence. Hadria was startled by the revelation. Hubert had always held +up Lady Engleton as a model of virtue and wisdom, and perfect +contentment. Yet she too, it turned out, for all her smiles and her +cheerfulness, was busy and weary with futilities. She too, like the +fifty daughters of Danaus, was condemned to the idiot's labour of +eternally drawing water in sieves from fathomless wells. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIX. + + +Algitha's marriage took place almost immediately. There was no reason +for delay. She stayed at the Cottage, and was married at Craddock +Church, on one of the loveliest mornings of the year, as the villagers +noticed with satisfaction. Both sisters had become favourites in the +neighbourhood among the poorer people, and the inhabitants mustered to +see the wedding. + +It was only for her mother's sake that Algitha had consented to a +conventional ceremony. She said that she and Wilfrid both hated the +whole barbaric show. They submitted only because there was no help for +it. Algitha's mother would have broken her heart if they had been bound +merely by the legal tie, as she and Wilfrid desired. + +"Indeed, the only tie that we respect is that of our love and faith. If +that failed, we should scorn to hold one another in unwilling bondage. +We are not entirely without self-respect." + +The couple were to take a tour in Italy, where they hoped to meet +Valeria and Professor Fortescue. Joseph Fleming was married, almost at +the same time, to his merry Irish girl. + +The winter came suddenly. Some terrific gales had robbed the trees of +their lingering yellow leaves, and the bare branches already shewed +their exquisite tracery against the sky. Heavy rain followed, and the +river was swollen, and there were floods that made the whole country +damp, and rank, and terribly depressing. Mrs. Fullerton felt the +influence of the weather, and complained of neuralgia and other +ailments. She needed watching very carefully, and plenty of cheerful +companionship. This was hard to supply. In struggling to belie her +feelings, day after day, Hadria feared, at times, that she would break +down disastrously. She was frightened at the strange haunting ideas that +came to her, the dread and nameless horror that began to prey upon her, +try as she would to protect herself from these nerve-torments, which she +could trace so clearly to their causes. If only, instead of making one +half insane and stupid, the strain of grief would but kill one outright, +and be done with it! + +Old Dodge was a good friend to Hadria, at this time. He saw that +something was seriously wrong, and he managed to convey his affectionate +concern in a thousand little kindly ways that brought comfort to her +loneliness, and often filled her eyes with sudden tears. Nor was he the +only friend she had in the village, whose sympathy was given in generous +measure. Hadria had been able to be of use, at the time of the +disastrous epidemic which had carried off so many of the population, and +since then had been admitted to more intimate relationship with the +people; learning their troubles and their joys, their anxieties, and the +strange pathos of their lives. She learnt, at this time, the quality of +English kindness and English sympathy, which Valeria used to say was +equalled nowhere in the world. + +Before the end of the winter, Algitha and her husband returned. + +"I'm real glad, mum, that I be," said Dodge, "to think as you has your +sister with you again. There ain't nobody like one's kith and kin, wen +things isn't quite as they should be, as one may say. Miss +Fullerton--which I means Mrs. Burton--is sure to do you a sight o' good, +bless 'er." + +Dodge was right. Algitha's healthy nature, strengthened by happiness and +success, was of infinite help to Hadria, in her efforts to shake off the +symptoms that had made her frightened of herself. She did not know what +tricks exhausted nerves might play upon her, or what tortures they had +in store for her. + +Algitha's judgments were inclined to be definite and clear-cut to the +point of hardness. She did not know the meaning of over-wrought nerves, +nor the difficulties of a nature more imaginative than her own. She had +found her will-power sufficient to meet all the emergencies of her life, +and she was disposed to feel a little contemptuous, especially of late, +at a persistent condition of difficulty and confusion. Her impulse was +to attack such a condition and bring it to order, by force of will. The +active temperament is almost bound to misunderstand the imaginative or +artistic spirit and its difficulties. A real _cul de sac_ was to Algitha +almost unthinkable. There _must_ be some means of finding one's way out. + +Hadria's present attitude amazed and irritated her. She objected to her +regular church-going, as dishonest. Was she not, for the sake of peace +and quietness, professing that which she did not believe? And how was it +that she was growing more into favour with the Jordans and Walkers and +all the narrow, wooden-headed people? Surely an ominous sign. + +After the long self-suppression, the long playing of a fatiguing rôle, +Hadria felt an unspeakable relief in Algitha's presence. To her, at +least, she need not assume a false cheerfulness. + +Algitha noticed, with anxiety, the change that was coming over her +sister, the spirit of tired acquiescence, the insidious creeping in of a +slightly cynical view of things, in place of the brave, believing, +imaginative outlook that she had once held towards life. This cynicism +was more or less superficial however, as Algitha found when they had a +long and intimate conversation, one evening in Hadria's room, by her +fire; but it was painful to Algitha to hear the hopeless tones of her +sister's voice, now that she was speaking simply and sincerely, without +bitterness, but without what is usually called resignation. + +"No; I don't think it is all for the best," said Hadria. "I think, as +far as my influence goes, it is all for the worst. What fatal argument +my life will give to those who are seeking reasons to hold our sex in +the old bondage! My struggles, my failure, will add to the staggering +weight that we all stumble under. I have hindered more--that is the +bitter thing--by having tried and failed, than if I had never tried at +all. Mrs. Walker, Mrs. Gordon herself, has given less arguments to the +oppressors than I." + +"But why? But how?" cried Algitha incredulously. + +"Because no one can point to _them_, as they will to me, and say, 'See, +what a ghastly failure! See how feeble after all, are these pretentious +women of the new order, who begin by denying the sufficiency of the life +assigned them, by common consent, and end by failing in that and in the +other which they aspire to. What has become of all the talent and all +the theories and resolves?' And so the next girl who dares to have +ambitions, and dares to scorn the _rôle_ of adventuress that society +allots to her, will have the harder fate because of my attempt. Now +nothing in the whole world," cried Hadria, her voice losing the even +tones in which she had been speaking, "nothing in the whole world will +ever persuade me that _that_ is all for the best!" + +"I never said it was, but when a thing has to be, why not make the best +of it?" + +"And so persuade people that all is well, when all is not well! That's +exactly what women always do and always have done, and plume themselves +upon it. And so this ridiculous farce is kept up, because these wretched +women go smiling about the world, hugging their stupid resignation to +their hearts, and pampering up their sickly virtue, at the expense of +their sex. Hang their virtue!" + +Algitha laughed. + +"It _is_ somewhat self-regarding certainly, in spite of the incessant +renunciation and sacrifice." + +"Oh, self-sacrifice in a woman, is always her easiest course. It is the +nearest approach to luxury that society allows her," cried Hadria, +irascibly. + +"It is most refreshing to hear you exaggerate, once more, with the old +vigour," her sister cried. + +"If I have a foible, it is under-statement," returned Hadria, with a +half-smile. + +"Then I think you haven't a foible," said Algitha. + +"That I am ready to admit; but seriously, women seem bent on proving +that you may treat them as you like, but they will 'never desert Mr. +Micawber.'" + +Algitha smiled. + +"They are so mortally afraid of getting off the line and doing what +might not be quite right. They take such a morbid interest in their own +characters. They are so particular about their souls. The female soul is +such a delicate creation--like a bonnet. Look at a woman trimming and +poking at her bonnet--that's exactly how she goes on with her soul." + +Algitha laughed and shrugged her shoulders. + +"It has trained her in a sort of heroism, at any rate," she said. + +"Heroism! talk of Spartan boys, they are not in it! A woman will endure +martyrdom with the expression of a seraph,--an extremely aggravating +seraph. She looks after her soul as if it were the ultimate fact of the +universe. She will trim and preen that ridiculous soul, though the +heavens fall and the rest of her sex perish." + +"Come now, I think there are exceptions." + +"A few, but very few. It is a point of honour, a sacred canon. Women +will go on patiently drawing water in sieves, and pretend they are +usefully employed because it tires them!" + +"They believe it," said Algitha. + +"Perhaps so. But it's very silly." + +"It is really well meant. It is a submission to the supposed will of +heaven." + +"A poor compliment to Heaven!" Hadria exclaimed. + +"Well, it is not, of course, your conception nor mine of the will of +heaven, but it is their's." + +Hadria shrugged her shoulders. "I wish women would think a little less +of Heaven in the abstract, and a little more of one another, in the +concrete." + +"Nobody has ever taught them to think of one another; on the contrary, +they have always been trained to think of men, and of Heaven, and their +souls. That training accounts for their attitude towards their own sex." + +"I suppose so. A spirit of sisterhood among women would have sadly upset +the social scheme, as it has been hitherto conceived. Indeed the social +scheme has made such a spirit well-nigh impossible." + +"A conquering race, if it is wise, governs its subjects largely through +their internecine squabbles and jealousies. _But what if they +combine----?_" + +"Ah!" Hadria drew a deep sigh. "I wish the moment of sisterhood were a +little nearer." + +"Heaven hasten it!" cried Algitha. + +"Perhaps it is nearer than we imagine. Women are quick learners, when +they begin. But, oh, it is hard sometimes to make them begin. They are +so annoyingly abject; so painfully diffident. It is their pride to be +humble. The virtuous worm won't even turn!" + +"Poor worm! It sometimes permits itself the relief of verbal +expression!" observed Algitha. + +Hadria laughed. "There are smiling, villainous worms, who deny +themselves even _that!_" + +After a long silence, Algitha taking the poker in her hand and altering +the position of some of the coals, asked what Hadria meant to do in the +future; how she was going to "turn," if that was her intention. + +"Oh, I cannot even turn!" replied Hadria. "Necessity knows no law. The +one thing I won't do, is to be virtuously resigned. And I won't 'make +the best of it.'" + +Algitha laughed. "I am relieved to hear so wrong-headed a sentiment from +you. It sounds more like your old self." + +"I won't be called wrong-headed on this account," said Hadria. "If my +life is to bear testimony to the truth, its refrain ought to be, 'This +is wrong, this is futile, this is cruel, this is damnable.' I shall warn +every young woman I come across, to beware, as she grows older, and has +people in her clutches, not to express her affection by making +unlimited demands on the beloved objects, nor by turning the world into +a prison-house for those whom she honours with her devotion. The hope of +the future lies in the rising generation. You can't alter those who have +matured in the old ideas. It is for us to warn. I _won't_ pretend to +think that things are all right, when I know they are not all right. +That would be mean. What is called making the best of it, would testify +all the wrong way. My life, instead of being a warning, would be a sort +of a trap. Let me at least play the humble rôle of scarecrow. I am in +excellent condition for it," she added, grasping her thin wrist. + +Algitha shook her head anxiously. + +"I fear," she said, "that the moral that most people will draw will be: +'Follow in the path of Mrs. Gordon, however distasteful it may seem to +you, and whatever temptations you feel towards a more independent life. +If you don't, you will come to grief.'" + +"Then you think it would be better to be 'resigned,' and look after +one's own soul?" + +"Heaven knows what would be better!" Algitha exclaimed. "But one thing +is certain, you ought to look after your body, for the present at any +rate." + + + + +CHAPTER L. + + +Hadria had found the autumn saddening, and the winter tempt her to +morbid thoughts, but the coming of spring made her desperate. It would +not allow her to be passive, it would not permit her emotions to lie +prone and exhausted. Everything was waking, and she must wake too, to +the bitterest regret and the keenest longings of which she was capable. + +She had tried to avoid everything that would arouse these futile +emotions; she had attempted to organise her life on new lines, +persisting in her attitude of non-surrender, but winning, as far as she +was able, the rest that, at present, could only be achieved by means of +a sort of inward apathy. It was an instinctive effort of +self-preservation. She was like a fierce fire, over which ashes have +been heaped to keep down the flames, and check its ardour. She had to +eat her heart out in dullness, to avoid its flaming out in madness. But +the spring came and carried her away on its torrent. She might as well +have tried to resist an avalanche. She thought that she had given up all +serious thought of music; the surrender was necessary, and she had +judged it folly to tempt herself by further dallying with it. It was too +strong for her. And the despair that it awoke seemed to break up her +whole existence, and render her unfit for her daily task. But now she +found that, once more, she had underrated the strength of her own +impulses. For some time she resisted, but one day, the sun shone out +strong and genial, the budding trees spread their branches to the warm +air, a blackbird warbled ecstatically from among the Priory shrubberies, +and Hadria passed into the garden of the Griffins. + +The caretaker smiled, when she saw who stood on the doorstep. + +"Why ma'am, I thought you was never coming again to play on the piano; I +_have_ missed it, that I have. It makes the old place seem that +cheerful--I can almost fancy it's my poor young mistress come back +again. She used to sit and play on that piano, by the hour together." + +"I am glad you have enjoyed it," said Hadria gently. The blinds were +pulled up in the drawing-room, the piano was uncovered, the windows +thrown open to the terrace. + +"You haven't had much time for playing since your mamma has been ill," +the woman continued, dusting the keys and setting up the music-rest. + +"To-day my mother has a visitor; Mrs. Joseph Fleming is spending the +afternoon with her," said Hadria. + +"To be sure, ma'am, to be sure, a nice young lady, and so cheerful," +said the good woman, bustling off to wind up the tall old clock with the +wise-looking face, that had been allowed to run down since Hadria's last +visit. "Seems more cheerful like," observed the caretaker, as the steady +tick-tack began to sound through the quiet room. + +"And have you fed my birds regularly, Mrs. Williams?" asked Hadria, +taking off her hat and standing at the open window looking out to the +terrace. + +"Yes indeed, ma'am, every day, just as you used to do when you came +yourself. And they has got so tame; they almost eats out of my hand." + +"And my robin? I hope he has not deserted us." + +"Oh, no, he comes right into the room sometimes and hops about, just as +he did that afternoon, the last time you was here! I think it's the same +bird, for he likes to perch on that table and pick up the crumbs." + +"Poor little soul! If you will give me a scrap of bread, Mrs. +Williams----" + +The caretaker left the room, and returned with a thick slice, which +Hadria crumbled and scattered on the window-sill, as she stepped out to +the terrace. + +The calm old mansion with its delicate outlines, its dreamy exquisite +stateliness, spoke of rest and sweet serenity. The place had the +melancholy but also the repose of greatness. It was rich in all that +lies nearest to the heart of that mysterious, dual-faced divinity that +we call beauty, compounded of sorrow and delight. + +Ah! if only its owner could come and take up his abode here. If only he +would get well! Hadria's thoughts wandered backwards to that wonderful +evening, when she had played to him and Algitha, and they had all +watched the sunset afterwards, from the terrace. How long was it since +she had touched the piano in this old drawing-room? Never since she +returned from Paris. Even her own piano at home had been almost equally +silent. She believed that she had not only quite abandoned hope with +regard to music, but that she had prepared herself to face the +inevitable decay of power, the inevitable proofs of her loss, as time +went on. But so far, she had only had proofs that she could do +astonishingly much if she had the chance. + +To-day, for the first time, the final ordeal had to be gone through. And +her imagination had never conceived its horror. She was to be taken at +her word. The neglected gift was beginning to show signs of decay and +enfeeblement. It had given fair warning for many a year, by the +persistent appeal that it made, the persistent pain that it caused; but +the famine had told upon it at last. It was dying. As this fact +insinuated itself into the consciousness, in the teeth of a wild effort +to deny it, despair flamed up, fierce and violent. She regretted that +she had not thrown up everything long ago, rather than endure this +lingering death; she cursed her hesitation, she cursed her fate, her +training, her circumstances, she cursed herself. Whatever there was to +curse, she cursed. What hideous nonsense to imagine herself ready to +face this last insult of fate! She was like a martyr, who invites the +stake and the faggot, and knows what he has undertaken only when the +flames begin to curl about his feet. She had offered up her power, her +imperious creative instinct, to the Lares and Penates; those greedy +little godlets whom there was no appeasing while an inch of one remained +that they could tear to pieces. She clenched her hands, in agony. The +whole being recoiled now, at the eleventh hour, as a fierce wild +creature that one tries to bury alive. She looked back along the line of +the past and saw, with too clear eyes, the whole insidious process, so +stealthy that she had hardly detected it, at the time. She remembered +those afternoons at the Priory, when the restless, ill-trained power +would assert itself, free for the moment, from the fetters and the +dismemberment that awaited it in ordinary life. But like a creature +accustomed to the yoke, she had found it increasingly difficult to use +the moments of opportunity when they came. The force of daily usage, the +necessary bending of thoughts in certain habitual directions, had +assisted the crippling process, and though the power still lay there, +stiffer than of yore, yet the preliminary movements and readjustments +used up time and strength, and then gradually, with the perpetual +repetition of adverse habits, the whole process became slower, harder, +crueler. + +"Good heavens! are _all_ doors going to be shut against me?" + +It was more than she could bear! And yet it must be borne--unless--no, +there was no "unless." It was of no use to coquet with thoughts of +suicide. She had thought all that out long ago, and had sought, at more +than one crisis of desperate misery, for refuge from the horror and the +insults of life. But there were always others to be considered. She +could not strike them so terrible a blow. Retreat was ruthlessly cut +off. Nothing remained but the endurance of a conscious slow decay; +nothing but increasing loss and feebleness, as the surly years went by. +They were going, going, these years of life, slipping away with their +spoils. Youth was departing, everything was vanishing; her very self, +bit by bit, slowly but surely, till the House of Life would grow narrow +and shrunken to the sight, the roof descend. The gruesome old story of +the imprisoned prince flashed into her mind; the wretched captive, young +and life-loving, who used to wake up, each morning, to find that of the +original seven windows of his dungeon, one had disappeared, while the +walls had advanced a foot, and to-morrow yet another foot, till at +length the last window had closed up, and the walls shrank together and +crushed him to death. + +"I can't, I _can't_ endure it!" + +Hadria had leaned forward against the key-board, which gave forth a loud +crash of discordant notes, strangely expressive of the fall and failure +of her spirit. + +She remained thus motionless, while the airs wandered in from the +garden, and a broad ray of sunlight showed the strange incessant +gyrations of the dust atoms, that happened to lie within the revealing +brightness. The silence was perfect. + +Hadria raised her head at last, and her eyes wandered out to the sweet +old garden, decked in the miraculous hues of spring. The unutterable +loveliness brought, for a second, a strange, inconsequent sense of +peace; it seemed like a promise and a message from an unknown god. + +But after that momentary and inexplicable experience, the babble of +thought went on as before. The old dream mounted again heavenwards, like +a cloud at sunset; wild fancies fashioned themselves in the brain. And +then, in fantastic images, Hadria seemed to see a panorama of her own +life and the general life pass before her, in all their incongruity and +confusion. The great mass of that life showed itself as prose, because +the significance of things had not been grasped or suspected; but here +and there, the veil was pierced--by some suffering soul, by some poet's +vision--and the darkness of our daily, pompous, careworn, ridiculous +little existence made painfully visible. + +"It is all absurd, all futile!" (so moved the procession of the +thoughts); "and meanwhile the steady pulse of life beats on, not +pausing while we battle out our days, not waiting while we decide how we +shall live. We are possessed by a sentiment, an ideal, a religion; old +Time makes no comment, but moves quietly on; we fling the thing aside as +tawdry, insufficient; the ideal is tarnished, experience of the world +converts us--and still unmoved, he paces on. We are off on another +chase; another conception of things possesses us; and still the beat of +his footstep sounds in our ears, above the tumult. We think and aspire +and dream, and meanwhile the fires grow cold upon the hearth, the daily +cares and common needs plead eloquently for our undivided service; the +stupendous movement of Existence goes on unceasingly, at our doors; +thousands struggling for gold and fame and mere bread, and resorting to +infamous devices to obtain them; the great commercial currents flow and +flow, according to their mystic laws; the price of stocks goes up, goes +down, and with them, the life and fate of thousands; the inconsequent +bells ring out from Craddock Church, and the people congregate; the +grave of the schoolmistress sleeps in the sunshine, and the sound of the +bells streams over it--meaning no irony--to lose itself in the quiet of +the hills; rust and dust collect in one's house, in one's soul; and this +and that, and that and this,--like the pendulum of the old time-piece, +with its solemn tick--dock the moments of one's life, with each its dull +little claim and its tough little tether, and lead one decorously to the +gateway of Eternity." + +There was a flutter of wings, in the room. A robin hopped in at the +window and perched daintily on the table-ledge, its delicate claws +outlined against the whiteness of the dust-sheet, its head inquisitively +on one side, as if it were asking the reason of the musician's unusual +silence. Suddenly, the little creature fluffed out its feathers, drew +itself together, and warbled forth a rich ecstatic song, that seemed to +be deliberately addressed to its human companion. Hadria raised her +bowed head. Up welled the swift unaccustomed tears, while the robin, +with increasing enthusiasm, continued his song. His theme, doubtless, +was of the flicker of sunlit shrubberies, the warmth of summer, the +glory of spring, the sweetness of the revolving seasons. For cure of +heart-ache, he suggested the pleasantness of garden nooks, and the +repose that lingers about a dew-sprinkled lawn. All these things were +warmly commended to the human being whose song of life had ceased. + +"But they break my heart, little singer, they break my heart!" + +The robin lifted up its head and warbled more rapturously than ever. + +The tears were falling fast now, and silently. The thoughts ran on and +on. "I know it all, I know it all, and my heart is broken--and it is my +own fault--and it does not matter--the world is full of broken +hearts--and it does not matter, it does not matter. But, oh, if the pain +might stop, if the pain might stop! The robin sings now, because the +spring is here; but it is not always spring. And some day--perhaps not +this winter, but some day--the dear little brown body will agonize--it +will die alone, in the horrible great universe; one thinks little of a +robin, but it agonizes all the same when its time comes; it agonizes all +the same." + +The thoughts were drowned, for a moment, in a flood of terrible, +unbearable pity for all the sorrow of the world. + +The robin seemed to think that he had a mission to cheer his companion, +for he warbled merrily on. And beside him, the dust-motes danced the +wildest of dances, in the shaft of sunshine. + +"It is very lovely, it is very lovely--the world is a miracle, but it is +all like a taunt, it is like an insult, this glory of the world. I am +born a woman, and to be born a woman is to be exquisitely sensitive to +insult and to live under it always, always. I wish that I were as marble +to the magic of Life, I wish that I cared for nothing and felt nothing. +I pray only that the dream and the longing may be killed, and killed +quickly!" + +In the silence, the bird's note sounded clear and tender. The dance of +the dust-motes, like the great dance of Life itself, went on without +ceasing. + +The robin seemed to insist on a brighter view of things. He urged his +companion to take comfort. Had the spring not come? + +"But you do not understand, you do not understand, little soul that +sings--the spring is torturing me and taunting me. If only it would kill +me!" + +The robin fluffed out his feathers, and began again to impart his sweet +philosophy. Hadria was shedding the first unchecked tears that she had +shed since her earliest childhood. And then, for the second time to-day, +that strange unexplained peace stole into her heart. Reason came quickly +and drove it away with a sneer, and the horror and the darkness closed +round again. + +"If I might only die, if I might only die!" + +But the little bird sang on. + + + + +CHAPTER LI. + + +"Quite hopeless!" + +Joseph Fleming repeated the words incredulously. + +"Yes," said Lady Engleton, "it is the terrible truth." + +The Professor had been growing worse, and at length, his state became so +alarming that he decided to return to England. Miss Du Prel and an old +friend whom she had met abroad, accompanied him. + +"I understand they are all at the Priory," said Joseph. + +"Yes; Miss Du Prel telegraphed to Mrs. Temperley, and Mrs. Temperley and +I put our heads together and arranged matters as well as we could in the +emergency, so that the Professor's wish might be gratified. He desired +to return to the Priory, where his boyhood was spent." + +"And is there really no hope?" + +"None at all, the doctor says." + +"Dear me, dear me!" cried Joseph. "And is he not expected to live +through the summer?" + +"The summer! ah no, Mr. Fleming, he is not expected to live many days." + +"Dear me, dear me!" was all that Joseph could say. Then after a pause, +he added, "I fear Mrs. Temperley will feel it very much. They were such +old friends." + +"Oh! poor woman, she is heart-broken." + + * * * * * + +The Professor lingered longer than the doctor had expected. He was very +weak, and could not bear the fatigue of seeing many people. But he was +perfectly cheerful, and when feeling a little better at times, he would +laugh and joke in his old kindly way, and seemed to enjoy the fragment +of life that still remained to him. + +"I am so glad I have seen the spring again," he said, "and that I am +here, in the old home." + +He liked to have the window thrown wide open, when the day was warm. +Then his bed would be wheeled closer to it, so that the sunshine often +lay across it, and the scent of the flowering shrubs and the odour of +growth, as he called it, floated in upon him. He looked out into a world +of exquisite greenery and of serene sky. The room was above the +drawing-room, and if the drawing-room windows were open, he could hear +Hadria playing. He often used to ask for music. + +The request would come generally after an exhausting turn of pain, when +he could not bear the fatigue of seeing people. + +"I can't tell you what pleasure and comfort your music is to me," he +used to say, again and again. "It has been so ever since I knew you. +When I think of the thousands of poor devils who have to end their lives +in some wretched, lonely, sordid fashion, after hardships and struggles +and very little hope, I can't help feeling that I am fortunate indeed, +now and all through my life. I have grumbled at times, and there have +been sharp experiences--few escape those--but take it all round, I have +had my share of good things." + +He had one great satisfaction: that he had discovered, before the end of +his days, the means which he had so long been seeking, of saving the +death-agony of animals that are killed for food. Some day perhaps, he +said, men might cease to be numbered among the beasts of prey, but till +then, at least their victims might be spared as much pain as possible. +He had overcome the difficulty of expense, which had always been the +main obstacle to a practical solution of the problem. Henceforth there +was no need for any creature to suffer, in dying for man's use. If +people only knew and realized how much needless agony is inflicted on +these helpless creatures, in order to supply the daily demands of a vast +flesh-eating population, they would feel that, as a matter of fact, he +had been doing the human race a good turn as well as their more +friendless fellow-beings. It was impossible to imagine that men and +women would not suffer at the thought of causing suffering to the +helpless, if once they realized that suffering clearly. Men and women +were not devils! Theobald had always laughed at him for this part of his +work, but he felt now, at the close of his life, that he could dwell +upon that effort with more pleasure than on any other, although others +had won him far more applause, and this had often brought him contempt. +If only he could be sure that the discovery would not be wasted. + +"It shall be our business to see that it is not," said Valeria, in a +voice tremulous with unshed tears. + +The Professor heaved a sigh of relief, at this assurance. + +"My earlier work is safe; what I have done in other directions, is +already a part of human knowledge and resource, but this is just the +sort of thing that might be so easily lost and forgotten. These +sufferings are hidden, and when people do not see a wrong, they do not +think of it; make them think, make them think!" + +A week had gone by since the Professor's arrival at the Priory. He was +in great pain, but had intervals of respite. He liked, in those +intervals, to see his friends. They could scarcely believe that he was +dying, for he still seemed so full of interest in the affairs of life, +and spoke of the future as if he would be there to see it. One of the +most distressing interviews was with Mr. Fullerton, who could not be +persuaded that the invalid had but a short time to live. The old man +believed that death meant, beyond all question, annihilation of the +personality, and had absolutely no hope of meeting again. + +"Don't be too sure, old friend," said the Professor; "don't be too sure +of anything, in this mysterious universe." + +The weather kept warm and genial, and this was favourable to his +lingering among them a little longer. But his suffering, at times, was +so great that they could scarcely wish for this delay. Hadria used +always to play to him during some part of the afternoon. The robin had +become a constant visitor, and had found its way to the window of the +sick-room, where crumbs had been scattered on the sill. The Professor +took great pleasure in watching the little creature. Sometimes it would +come into the room and hop on to a chair or table, coquetting from perch +to perch, and looking at the invalid, with bright inquisitive eyes. The +crumbs were put out at a certain hour each morning, and the bird had +acquired the habit of arriving almost to the moment. If, by chance, the +crumbs had been forgotten, the robin would flutter ostentatiously before +the window, to remind his friends of their neglected duty. + +During the last few days, Hadria had fancied that the Professor had +divined Valeria's secret, or that she had betrayed it. + +There was a peculiar, reverent tenderness in his manner towards her, +that was even more marked than usual. + +"Can't we save him? can't we save him, Hadria?" she used to cry +piteously, when they were alone. "Surely, surely there is some hope. +Science makes such professions; why doesn't it do something?" + +"Ah, don't torture yourself with false hope, dear Valeria." + +"The world is monstrous, life is unbearable," exclaimed Valeria, with a +despairing break in her voice. + +But one afternoon, she came out of the sick-room with a less distraught +expression on her worn face, though her eyes shewed traces of tears. + +The dying man used to speak often about his wife to Hadria. This had +been her room, and he almost fancied her presence about him. + +"Do you know," he said, "I have found, of late, that many of my old +fixed ideas have been insidiously modifying. So many things that I used +to regard as preposterous have been borne in upon me, in a singular +fashion, as by no means so out of the question. I have had one or two +strange experiences and now a hope--I might say a faith--has settled +upon me of an undying element in our personality. I feel that we shall +meet again those we have loved here--some time or another." + +"What a sting that would take from the agony of parting," cried Hadria. + +"And, after all, is it less rational to suppose that there is some +survival of the Self, and that the wild, confused earthly experience is +an element of a spiritual evolutionary process, than to suppose that the +whole universe is chaotic and meaningless? For what we call mind exists, +and it must be contained in the sum-total of existence, or how could it +arise out of it? Therefore, some reasonable scheme appears more likely +than a reasonless one. And then there is that other big fact that stares +us in the face and puts one's fears to shame: human goodness." + +Hadria's rebellious memory recalled the fact of human cruelty and +wickedness to set against the goodness, but she was silent. + +"What earthly business has such a thing as goodness or pity to appear in +a fortuitous, mindless, soulless universe? Where does it come from? What +is its origin? Whence sprang the laws that gave it birth?" + +"It gives more argument to faith than any thing I know," she said, "even +if there had been but one good man or woman since the world began." + +"Ah, yes; the pity and tenderness that lie in the heart of man, even of +the worst, if only they can be appealed to before they die, may teach us +to hope all things." + +There was a long silence. Through the open window, they could hear the +soft cooing of the wood-pigeons. Among the big trees behind the house, +there was a populous rookery, noisy now with the squeaky voices of the +young birds, and the deeper cawing of the parent rooks. + +"I have been for many years without one gleam of hope," said the +Professor slowly. "It is only lately that some of my obstinate +preconceptions have begun to yield to other suggestions and other +thoughts, which have opened up a thousand possibilities and a thousand +hopes. And I have not been false to my reason in this change; I have but +followed it more fearlessly and more faithfully." + +"I have sometimes thought," said Hadria, "that when we seem to cling +most desperately to our reason, we are really refusing to accept its +guidance into unfamiliar regions. We confuse the familiar with the +reasonable." + +"Exactly. And I want you to be on your guard against that intellectual +foible, which I believe has held me back in a region of sadness and +solitude that I need not have lingered in, but for that." + +There was a great commotion in the rookery, and presently a flock of +rooks swept across the window, in loud controversy, and away over the +garden in a circle, and then up and up till they were a grey little +patch of changing shape, in the blue of the sky. + +The dying man followed them with his eyes. He had watched such streaming +companies start forth from the old rookery, ever since his boyhood. The +memories of that time, and of the importunate thoughts that had haunted +him then, at the opening of life, returned to him now. + +He had accomplished a fraction of what he had set out to attempt, with +such high hopes. His dream of personal happiness had failed; many an +illusion had been lost, many a bitterly-regretted deed had saddened him, +many an error had revenged itself upon him. He drew a deep sigh. + +"And if the scheme of the universe be a reasonable one," he said half +dreamily, "then one can account better for the lives that never fulfil +themselves; the apparent failure that saddens one, in such numberless +instances, especially among women. For in that case, the failure is only +apparent, however cruel and however great. If the effort has been +sincere, and the thought bent upon the best that could be conceived by +the particular soul, then that effort and that thought must play their +part in the upward movement of the race. I cannot believe otherwise." + +Hadria's head was bent. Her lips moved, as if in an effort to speak, but +no sound came. + +"To believe that all the better and more generous hopes of our kind are +to be lost and ineffectual, that genius is finally wasted, and goodness +an exotic to be trampled under foot in the blind movements of +Nature--that requires more power of faith than I can muster. Once +believe that thought is the main factor, the motive force of the +universe, then everything settles into its place, and we have room for +hope; indeed it insists upon admission; it falls into the shadow of our +life like that blessed ray of sunlight." + +It lay across the bed, in a bright streak. + +"The hope leads me far. My training has been all against it, but it +comes to me with greater and greater force. It makes me feel that +presently, when we have bid one another farewell, it will not be for +ever. We shall meet again, dear Hadria, believe me." She was struggling +with her tears, and could answer nothing. + +"I wish so much that I could leave this hope, as a legacy to you. I wish +I could leave it to Valeria. Take care of her, won't you? She is very +solitary and very sad." + +"I will, I will," Hadria murmured. + +"Do not turn away from the light of rational hope, if any path should +open up that leads that way. And help her to do the same. When you think +of me, let it be happily and with comfort." + +Hadria was silently weeping. + +"And hold fast to your own colours. Don't take sides, above all, with +the powers that have oppressed you. They are terrible powers, and yet +people won't admit their strength, and so they are left unopposed. It is +worse than folly to underrate the forces of the enemy. It is always +worse than folly to deny facts in order to support a theory. Exhort +people to face and conquer them. You can help more than you dream, even +as things stand. I cannot tell you what you have done for me, dear +Hadria." (He held out his hand to her.) "And the helpless, human and +animal--how they wring one's heart! Do not forget them; be to them a +knight-errant. You have suffered enough yourself, to know well how to +bind their wounds." The speaker paused, for a moment, to battle with a +paroxysm of pain. + +"There is so much anguish," he said presently, "so much intolerable +anguish, even when things seem smoothest. The human spirit craves for so +much, and generally it gets so little. The world is full of tragedy; and +sympathy, a little common sympathy, can do so much to soften the worst +of grief. It is for the lack of that, that people despair and go down. I +commend them to you." + + * * * * * + +The figure lay motionless, as if asleep. The expression was one of utter +peace. It seemed as if all the love and tenderness, all the breadth and +beauty of the soul that had passed away, were shining out of the quieted +face, from which all trace of suffering had vanished. The look of +desolation that used, at times, to come into it, had entirely gone. + +Hadria and Valeria stood together, by the bedside. At the foot of the +bed was a glass vase, holding a spray of wild cherry blossom; Hadria had +brought it, to the invalid's delight, the day before. There were other +offerings of fresh flowers; a mass of azaleas from Lady Engleton; +bunches of daffodils that Valeria had gathered in the meadows; and old +Dodge had sent a handful of brown and yellow wallflower, from his +garden. The blind had been raised a few inches, so as to let in the +sunlight and the sweet air. It was a glorious morning. The few last hot +days had brought everything out, with a rush. The boughs of the trees, +that the Professor had loved so to watch during his illness, were +swaying gently in the breeze, just as they had done when his eyes had +been open to see them. The wood-pigeons were cooing, the young rooks +cawing shrilly in the rookery. Valeria seemed to be stunned. She stood +gazing at the peaceful face, with a look of stony grief. + +"I _can't_ understand it!" she exclaimed at last, with a wild gesture, +"I _can't_ believe he will never speak to me again! It's a horrible +dream--oh, but too horrible--ah, why can't I die as well as he?" She +threw herself on her knees, shaken with sobs, silent and passionate. +Hadria did not attempt to remonstrate or soothe her. She turned away, as +a flood of bitter grief swept over her, so that she felt as one +drowning. + +Some minutes passed before Valeria rose from her knees, looking haggard +and desolate. Hadria went towards her hastily. + +"What's that?" cried Valeria with a nervous start and a scared glance +towards the window. + +"The robin!" said Hadria, and the tears started to her eyes. + +The bird had hopped in at his usual hour, in a friendly fashion. He +picked up a few stray crumbs that had been left on the sill from +yesterday, and then, in little capricious flights from stage to stage, +finally arrived at the rail of the bed, and stood looking from side to +side, with black, bright eyes, at the motionless figure. Hitherto it had +been accustomed to a welcome. Why this strange silence? The robin hopped +round on the rail, polished his beak meditatively, fluffed out his +feathers, and then, raising his head, sang a tender requiem. + + + + +THE END. + + + * * * * * + + +APPENDIX + +"Does Marriage Hinder a Woman's Self-development?" + +_In 1899,_ The Ladies' Realm _asked several well-known women to write on +the set topic, "Does Marriage Hinder a Woman's Self-development?" We +reprint Mona Caird's ingenious response._ + + +Perhaps it might throw some light on the question whether marriage +interferes with a woman's self-development and career, if we were to ask +ourselves honestly how a man would fare in the position, say, of his own +wife. + +We will take a mild case, so as to avoid all risk of exaggeration. + +Our hero's wife is very kind to him. Many of his friends have far sadder +tales to tell. Mrs. Brown is fond of her home and family. She pats the +children on the head when they come down to dessert, and plies them with +chocolate creams, much to the detriment of their health; but it amuses +Mrs. Brown. Mr. Brown superintends the bilious attacks, which the lady +attributes to other causes. As she never finds fault with the children, +and generally remonstrates with their father, in a good-natured way, +when _he_ does so, they are devoted to the indulgent parent, and are +inclined to regard the other as second-rate. + +Meal-times are often trying in this household, for Sophia is very +particular about her food; sometimes she sends it out with a rude +message to the cook. Not that John objects to this. He wishes she would +do it oftener, for the cook gets used to Mr. Brown's second-hand +version of his wife's language. He simply cannot bring himself to hint +at Mrs. Brown's robust objurgations. She _can_ express herself when it +comes to a question of her creature comforts! + +John's faded cheeks, the hollow lines under the eyes, and hair out of +curl, speak of the struggle for existence as it penetrates to the +fireside. If Sophia but knew what it meant to keep going the +multitudinous details and departments of a household! Her idea of adding +housemaids and pageboys whenever there is a jolt in the machinery has +landed them in expensive disasters, time out of mind. And then, it +hopelessly cuts off all margin of income for every other purpose. It is +all rather discouraging for the hero of this petty, yet gigantic tussle, +for he works, so to speak, in a hostile camp, with no sympathy from his +entirely unconscious spouse, whom popular sentiment nevertheless regards +as the gallant protector of his manly weakness. + +If incessant vigilance, tact, firmness, foresight, initiative, courage +and judgment--in short, all the qualities required for governing a +kingdom, and more--have made things go smoothly, the wife takes it as a +matter of course; if they go wrong, she naturally lays the blame on the +husband. In the same way, if the children are a credit to their parents, +that is only as it should be. But if they are naughty, and fretful, and +stupid, and untidy, is it not clear that there must be some serious flaw +in the system which could produce such results in the offspring of Mrs. +Brown? What word in the English language is too severe to describe the +man who neglects to watch with sufficient vigilance over his children's +health and moral training, who fails to see that his little boys' +sailor-suits and knickerbockers are in good repair, that their boot-lace +ends do not fly out from their ankles at every step, that their hair is +not like a hearth-brush, that they do not come down to dinner every day +with dirty hands? + +To every true man, the cares of fatherhood and home are sacred and +all-sufficing. He realises, as he looks around at his little ones, that +they are his crown and recompense. + +John often finds that _his_ crown-and-recompense gives him a racking +headache by war-whoops and stampedes of infinite variety, and there are +moments when he wonders in dismay if he is really a true man! He has had +the privilege of rearing and training five small crowns and recompenses, +and he feels that he could face the future if further privilege, of this +sort, were denied him. Not but that he is devoted to his family. Nobody +who understands the sacrifices he has made for them could doubt that. +Only, he feels that those parts of his nature which are said to +distinguish the human from the animal kingdom, are getting rather +effaced. + +He remembers the days before his marriage, when he was so bold, in his +ignorant youth, as to cherish a passion for scientific research. He even +went so far as to make a chemical laboratory of the family box-room, +till attention was drawn to the circumstance by a series of terrific +explosions, which shaved off his eyebrows, blackened his scientific +countenance, and caused him to be turned out, neck and crop, with his +crucibles, and a sermon on the duty that lay nearest him,--which +resolved itself into that of paying innumerable afternoon calls with his +father and brothers, on acquaintances selected--as he declared in his +haste--for their phenomenal stupidity. His father pointed out how +selfish it was for a young fellow to indulge his own little fads and +fancies, when he might make himself useful in a nice manly way, at home. + +When, a year later, the scapegrace Josephine, who had caused infinite +trouble and expense to all belonging to her, showed a languid interest +in chemistry, a spare room was at once fitted up for her, and an +extraordinary wealth of crucibles provided by her delighted parents; and +when explosions and smells pervaded the house, her father, with a proud +smile, would exclaim: "What genius and enthusiasm that dear girl does +display!" Josephine afterwards became a distinguished professor, with an +awestruck family, and a husband who made it his chief duty and privilege +to save her from all worry and interruption in her valuable work. + +John, who knows in his heart of hearts that he could have walked round +Josephine, in the old days, now speaks with manly pride of his sister, +the Professor. His own bent, however, has always been so painfully +strong that he even yet tries to snatch spare moments for his +researches; but the strain in so many directions has broken down his +health. People always told him that a man's constitution was not fitted +for severe brain-work. He supposes it is true. + +During those odd moments, he made a discovery that seemed to him of +value, and he told Sophia about it, in a mood of scientific enthusiasm. +But she burst out laughing, and said he would really be setting the +Thames on fire if he didn't take care. + +"Perhaps you will excuse my remarking, my dear, that I think you might +be more usefully, not to say becomingly employed, in attending to your +children and your household duties, than in dealing with explosive +substances in the back dining-room." + +And Sophia tossed off her glass of port in such an unanswerable manner, +that John felt as if a defensive reply would be almost of the nature of +a sacrilege. So he remained silent, feeling vaguely guilty. And as +Johnny took measles just then, and it ran through the house, there was +no chance of completing his work, or of making it of public value. + +Curiously enough, a little later, Josephine made the very same +discovery--only rather less perfect--and every one said, with +acclamation, that science had been revolutionised by a discovery before +which that of gravitation paled. + +John still hoped, after twenty years of experience, that presently, by +some different arrangement, some better management on his part, he would +achieve leisure and mental repose to do the work that his heart was in; +but that time never came. + +No doubt John was not infallible, and made mistakes in dealing with his +various problems: do the best of us achieve consummate wisdom? No doubt, +if he had followed the advice that we could all have supplied him with, +in such large quantities, he might have done rather more than he did. +But the question is: Did his marriage interfere with his +self-development and career, and would many other Johns, in his +circumstances, have succeeded much better? + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Daughters of Danaus, by Mona Caird + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DAUGHTERS OF DANAUS *** + +***** This file should be named 21858-8.txt or 21858-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/1/8/5/21858/ + +Produced by Anne Storer, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Daughters of Danaus + +Author: Mona Caird + +Release Date: June 18, 2007 [EBook #21858] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DAUGHTERS OF DANAUS *** + + + + +Produced by Anne Storer, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<p>Transcriber's Note: This e-book was produced from a reprint of the +edition first published in 1894 in London by Bliss, Sands, and Foster. +Inconsistent spellings and hyphenations have been standardized. There +is one instance each of Cruachmore and Croachmore, so they have been +left as printed. A complete table of contents has been added. +</p> + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> + + +<h1><strong><em>The Daughters of Danaus</em></strong></h1> + +<h2><em>Mona Caird</em></h2> + +<p class="figcenter"><strong>1894</strong></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<hr style="width: 95%;" /> + + + +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="3" summary=""> + <tr> + <td align='center'><strong>Part I.</strong></td> + <td></td><td></td> + <td align='center'><strong>Part II.</strong></td> + <td></td><td></td> + <td align='center'><strong>Part III.</strong></td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#Daughters">CHAPTER I.</a></td><td align='right'>5</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI">CHAPTER XVI.</a></td><td align='right'>145</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXXII">CHAPTER XXXII.</a></td><td align='right'>294</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_II">CHAPTER II.</a></td><td align='right'>16</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII">CHAPTER XVII.</a></td><td align='right'>154</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXXIII">CHAPTER XXXIII.</a></td><td align='right'>304</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_III">CHAPTER III.</a></td><td align='right'>22</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII">CHAPTER XVIII.</a></td><td align='right'>164</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXXIV">CHAPTER XXXIV.</a></td><td align='right'>314</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_IV">CHAPTER IV.</a></td><td align='right'>32</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XIX">CHAPTER XIX.</a></td><td align='right'>175</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXXV">CHAPTER XXXV.</a></td><td align='right'>325</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_V">CHAPTER V.</a></td><td align='right'>43</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XX">CHAPTER XX.</a></td><td align='right'>186</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXXVI">CHAPTER XXXVI.</a></td><td align='right'>337</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_VI">CHAPTER VI.</a></td><td align='right'>55</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXI">CHAPTER XXI.</a></td><td align='right'>195</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXXVII">CHAPTER XXXVII.</a></td><td align='right'>355</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_VII">CHAPTER VII.</a></td><td align='right'>60</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXII">CHAPTER XXII.</a></td><td align='right'>205</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXXVIII">CHAPTER XXXVIII.</a></td><td align='right'>359</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">CHAPTER VIII.</a></td><td align='right'>73</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIII">CHAPTER XXIII.</a></td><td align='right'>213</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXXIX">CHAPTER XXXIX.</a></td><td align='right'>366</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_IX">CHAPTER IX.</a></td><td align='right'>86</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIV">CHAPTER XXIV.</a></td><td align='right'>221</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XL">CHAPTER XL.</a></td><td align='right'>378</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_X">CHAPTER X.</a></td><td align='right'>94</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXV">CHAPTER XXV.</a></td><td align='right'>229</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XLI">CHAPTER XLI.</a></td><td align='right'>387</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XI">CHAPTER XI.</a></td><td align='right'>101</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXVI">CHAPTER XXVI.</a></td><td align='right'>238</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XLII">CHAPTER XLII.</a></td><td align='right'>397</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XII">CHAPTER XII.</a></td><td align='right'>109</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXVII">CHAPTER XXVII.</a></td><td align='right'>247</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XLIII">CHAPTER XLIII.</a></td><td align='right'>407</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">CHAPTER XIII.</a></td><td align='right'>115</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXVIII">CHAPTER XXVIII.</a></td><td align='right'>259</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XLIV">CHAPTER XLIV.</a></td><td align='right'>420</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV">CHAPTER XIV.</a></td><td align='right'>123</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIX">CHAPTER XXIX.</a></td><td align='right'>266</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XLV">CHAPTER XLV.</a></td><td align='right'>429</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XV">CHAPTER XV.</a></td><td align='right'>132</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXX">CHAPTER XXX.</a></td><td align='right'>276</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XLVI">CHAPTER XLVI.</a></td><td align='right'>441</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td></td><td></td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XXXI">CHAPTER XXXI.</a></td><td align='right'>283</td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_LVII">CHAPTER LVII.</a></td><td align='right'>447</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td></td><td></td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td></td><td></td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XLVIII">CHAPTER XLVIII.</a></td><td align='right'>455</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td></td><td></td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td></td><td></td> + <td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_XLIX">CHAPTER XLIX.</a></td><td align='right'>468</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td></td><td></td><td class="tdp"></td> + <td></td><td></td><td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_L">CHAPTER L.</a></td><td align='right'>475</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td></td><td></td><td class="tdp"></td> + <td></td><td></td><td class="tdp"></td> + <td align='left'><a href="#CHAPTER_LI">CHAPTER LI.</a></td><td align='right'>483</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align='left' colspan="7"><a href="#APPENDIX">Appendix:</a> “Does Marriage Hinder a Woman’s Self-development?” by Mona Caird</td><td align='right'>535</td> + </tr> +</table></div> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p class="heading"><a name="Daughters" id="Daughters"></a><span class="smcap">The Daughters of Danaus</span></p> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<h2>CHAPTER I.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">IT was only just light enough to discern the five human forms in the +dimness of the garret; the rays of the moon having to find their way +through the deep window-embrasures of the keep. Less illumination would +have sufficed to disclose the ancient character of the garret, with its +low ceiling, and the graduated mouldings of the cornice, giving the +effect of a shallow dome. The house stood obviously very high, for one +could see from the windows for miles over a bleak country, coldly lit by +the rays of the moon, which was almost at the full. Into the half light +stole presently the sound of some lively instrument: a reel tune played, +as it were, beneath one’s breath, but with all the revel and rollicking +emphasis of that intoxicating primitive music. And then in correspondingly +low relief, but with no less emphasis, the occupants of this singular +ball-room began to dance. One might have fancied them some midnight +company of the dead, risen from their graves for this secret revelry, +so strange was the appearance of the moving figures, with the moonlight +catching, as they passed, the faces or the hands. They danced excellently +well, as to the manner born, tripping in and out among the shadows, with +occasional stamping, in time to the music, and now and again that wild +Celtic shout or cry that sets the nerves athrill. In spite of the whole +scene’s being enacted in a low key, it seemed only to gain in intensity +from that circumstance, and in fantastic effect.</p> + +<p>Among the dancers was one who danced with peculiar spirit and brilliancy, +and her little cry had a ring and a wildness that never failed to set the +others going with new inspiration.</p> + +<p>She was a slight, dark-haired girl, with a pale, rather mysterious face, +and large eyes. Not a word was spoken, and the reel went on for nearly +ten minutes. At length the girl with the dark hair gave a final shout, +and broke away from the circle.</p> + +<p>With her desertion the dance flagged, and presently came to an end. The +first breaking of the silence gave a slight shock, in spite of the +subdued tones of the speaker.</p> + +<p>“It is no use trying to dance a reel without Hadria,” said a tall youth, +evidently her brother, if one might judge from his almost southern +colouring and melancholy eyes. In build and feature he resembled the +elder sister, Algitha, who had all the characteristics of a fine +northern race.</p> + +<p>“Old Maggie said the other day, that Hadria’s dancing of the reel was no +‘right canny,’” Algitha observed, in the same low tone that all the +occupants of the garret instinctively adopted.</p> + +<p>“Ah!” cried Fred, “old Maggie has always looked upon Hadria as half +bewitched since that night when she found her here ‘a wee bit bairn,’ as +she says, at this very window, in her nightshirt, standing on tiptoe to +see the moonlight.”</p> + +<p>“It frightened the poor old thing out of her wits, of course,” said +Algitha, who was leaning with crossed arms, in a corner of the deep-set +window. The fine outlines of face and form were shewn in the strange +light, as in a boldly-executed sketch, without detail. Pride and +determination were the dominant qualities so indicated. Her sister +stood opposite, the moonshine making the smooth pallor of her face +more striking, and emphasizing its mysterious quality.</p> + +<p>The whole group of young faces, crowded together by the window, and lit +up by the unsympathetic light, had something characteristic and unusual +in its aspect, that might have excited curiosity.</p> + +<p>“Tell us the story of the garret, Hadria,” said Austin, the youngest +brother, a handsome boy of twelve, with curling brown hair and blue +eyes.</p> + +<p>“Hadria has told it hundreds of times, and you know it as well as she +does.”</p> + +<p>“But I want to hear it again—about the attack upon the keep, and the +shouting of the men, while the lady was up here starving to death.”</p> + +<p>But Algitha shook her head.</p> + +<p>“We don’t come up here to tell stories, we must get to business.”</p> + +<p>“Will you have the candle, or can you see?” asked Fred, the second +brother, a couple of years younger than Hadria, whom he addressed. His +features were irregular; his short nose and twinkling grey eyes +suggesting a joyous and whimsical temperament.</p> + +<p>“I think I had better have the candle; my notes are very illegible.”</p> + +<p>Fred drew forth a candle-end from his pocket, stuck it into a +quaint-looking stand of antique steel, much eaten with rust, and set the +candle-end alight.</p> + +<p>Algitha went into the next room and brought in a couple of chairs. Fred +followed her example till there were enough for the party. They all took +their places, and Hadria, who had been provided with a seat facing them, +and with a rickety wooden table that trembled responsively to her +slightest movement, laid down her notes and surveyed her audience. The +faces stood out strangely, in the lights and shadows of the garret.</p> + +<p>“Ladies and gentlemen,” she began; “on the last occasion on which the +Preposterous Society held its meeting, we had the pleasure of listening +to an able lecture on ‘Character’ by our respected member Demogorgon” +(the speaker bowed to Ernest, and the audience applauded). “My address +to-night on ‘Fate’ is designed to contribute further ideas to this +fascinating subject, and to pursue the enquiry more curiously.”</p> + +<p>The audience murmured approval.</p> + +<p>“We were left at loggerheads, at the end of the last debate. I doubted +Demogorgon’s conclusion, while admiring his eloquence. To-night, I will +put before you the view exactly contrary to his. I do not assert that I +hold this contrary view, but I state it as well as I am able, because I +think that it has not been given due consideration.”</p> + +<p>“This will be warm,” Fred was heard to murmur with a chuckle, to an +adjacent sister. The speaker looked at her notes.</p> + +<p>“I will read,” she said, “a passage from Emerson, which states very +strikingly the doctrine that I am going to oppose.”</p> + +<p>Hadria held her paper aslant towards the candle-end, which threw a murky +yellow light upon the background of the garret, contrasting oddly with +the thin, clear moonbeams.</p> + +<p>“‘But the soul contains the event that shall befall it, for the event is +only the actualization of its thoughts; and what we pray to ourselves +for is always granted. The event is the print of your form. It fits you +like your skin. What each does is proper to him. Events are the children +of his mind and body.’”</p> + +<p>Algitha leant forward. The members of the Preposterous Society settled +into attitudes of attention.</p> + +<p>Hadria said that this was a question that could not fail to be of +peculiar interest to them all, who had their lives before them, to make +or mar. It was an extremely difficult question, for it admitted of no +experiment. One could never go back in life and try another plan. One +could never make sure, by such a test, how much circumstance and how +much innate ideas had to do with one’s disposition. Emerson insisted +that man makes his circumstance, and history seemed to support that +theory. How untoward had been, in appearance, the surroundings of those +who had made all the great movements and done all the great deeds of the +world. Let one consider the poverty, persecution, the incessant +discouragement, and often the tragic end of our greatest benefactors. +Christ was but one of the host of the crucified. In spite of the theory +which the lecturer had undertaken to champion, she believed that it was +generally those people who had difficult lives who did the beneficent +deeds, and generally those people who were encouraged and comfortable +who went to sleep, or actively dragged down what the thinkers and actors +had piled up. In great things and in small, such was the order of life.</p> + +<p>“Hear, hear,” cried Ernest, “my particular thunder!”</p> + +<p>“Wait a minute,” said the lecturer. “I am going to annihilate you with +your particular thunder.” She paused for a moment, and her eyes rested +on the strange white landscape beyond the little group of faces upturned +towards her.</p> + +<p>“Roughly, we may say that people are divided into two orders: first, the +organizers, the able, those who build, who create cohesion, symmetry, +reason, economy; and, secondly, the destroyers, those who come wandering +idly by, and unfasten, undo, relax, disintegrate all that has been +effected by the force and vigilance of their betters. This distinction +is carried into even the most trivial things of life. Yet without that +organization and coherence, the existence of the destroyers themselves +would become a chaos and a misery.”</p> + +<p>The oak table over which Hadria bent forward towards her audience, +appeared to be applauding this sentiment vigorously. It rocked to and +fro on the uneven floor with great clamour.</p> + +<p>“Thus,” the speaker went on, “these relaxed and derivative people are +living on the strength of the strong. He who is strong must carry with +him, as a perpetual burden, a mass of such pensioners, who are scared +and shocked at his rude individuality; and if he should trip or stumble, +if he should lose his way in the untrodden paths, in seeking new truth +and a broader foundation for the lives of men, then a chorus of censure +goes up from millions of little throats.”</p> + +<p>“Hear, hear!” cried Algitha and Fred, and the table rocked +enthusiastically.</p> + +<p>“But when the good things are gained for which the upholders have +striven and perhaps given their lives, then there are no more greedy +absorbers of the bounty than these same innumerable little throats.”</p> + +<p>The table led the chorus of assent.</p> + +<p>“And now,” said the lecturer slowly, “consider this in relation to the +point at issue. Emerson asserts that circumstance can always be conquered. +But is not circumstance, to a large extent, created by these destroyers, +as I have called them? Has not the strongest soul to count with these, +who weave the web of adverse conditions, whose dead weight has to be +carried, whose work of destruction has to be incessantly repaired? Who +can dare to say ‘I am master of my fate,’ when he does not know how large +may be the share of the general burden that will fall to him to drag +through life, how great may be the number of these parasites who are +living on the moral capital of their generation? Surely circumstance +consists largely in the inertia, the impenetrability of the destroyers.”</p> + +<p>Ernest shewed signs of restiveness. He shuffled on his chair, made +muttered exclamations.</p> + +<p>“Presently,” said the lecturer reassuringly.</p> + +<p>“Or put it in another way,” she went on. “A man may make a +thing—circumstance included—but he is not a sort of moral spider; he +can’t spin it out of his own inside. <em>He wants something to make it of.</em> +The formative force comes from within, but he must have material, just +as much as a sculptor must have his marble before he can shape his +statue. There is a subtle relation between character and conditions, and +it is this <em>relation</em> that determines Fate. Fate is as the statue of +the sculptor.”</p> + +<p>“That’s where Hadria mainly differs from you,” said Fred, “you make the +thing absolute; Hadria makes it a matter of relation.”</p> + +<p>“Exactly,” assented the lecturer, catching the remark. “Difficulties +need not be really obstructive to the best development of a character or +a power, nor a smooth path always favourable. Obstacles may be of a kind +to stimulate one person and to annihilate another. It is <em>not</em> a +question of relative strength between character and circumstance, as +people are so fond of asserting. That is mere gibberish. It means nothing. +The two things cannot be compared, for they are not of the same nature. +They can’t be reduced to a common denominator.”</p> + +<p>Austin appreciated this illustration, being head of his class for +arithmetic.</p> + +<p>“We shall never be able to take a reasonable view of this question till +we get rid of that ridiculous phrase, ‘<em>If the soul is strong enough, it +can overcome circumstance.</em>’ In a room filled with carbonic acid instead +of ordinary air, a giant would succumb as quickly as a dwarf, and his +strength would avail him nothing. Indeed, if there is a difference, it +is in favour of the dwarf.”</p> + +<p>Ernest frowned. This was all high treason against his favourite author. +He had given his sister a copy of Emerson’s works last Christmas, in the +hope that her views might be enlightened, and <em>this</em> was the disgraceful +use she made of it!</p> + +<p>“Finally,” said Hadria, smiling defiantly at her brother, “let us put +the question shortly thus: Given (say) great artistic power, given also +a conscience and a strong will, is there any combination of circumstances +which might prevent the artistic power (assuming it to be of the highest +order and strength) from developing and displaying itself, so as to meet +with general recognition?”</p> + +<p>“No,” asserted Ernest, and there was a hesitating chorus on his side.</p> + +<p>“There seem to me to be a thousand chances against it,” Hadria +continued. “Artistic power, to begin with, is a sort of weakness in +relation to the everyday world, and so, in some respects, is a nice +conscience. I think Emerson is shockingly unjust. His beaming optimism +is a worship of success disguised under lofty terms. There is nothing +to prove that thousands have not been swamped by maladjustment of +character to circumstance, and I would even go so far as to suggest that +perhaps the very greatest of all are those whom the world has never +known, because the present conditions are inharmonious with the very +noblest and the very highest qualities.”</p> + +<p>No sooner was the last word uttered than the garret became the scene of +the stormiest debate that had ever been recorded in the annals of the +Preposterous Society, an institution that had lately celebrated its +fifth anniversary. Hadria, fired by opposition, declared that the +success of great people was due not simply to their greatness, but to +some smaller and commoner quality which brought them in touch with the +majority, and so gave their greatness a chance.</p> + +<p>At this, there was such a howl of indignation that Algitha remonstrated.</p> + +<p>“We shall be heard, if you don’t take care,” she warned.</p> + +<p>“My dear Algitha, there are a dozen empty rooms between us and the +inhabited part of the house, not to mention the fact that we are a +storey above everyone except the ghosts, so I think you may compose +yourself.”</p> + +<p>However, the excited voices were hushed a little as the discussion +continued. One of the chief charms of the institution, in the eyes of +the members of the Society, was its secrecy. The family, though united +by ties of warm affection to their parents, did not look for +encouragement from them in this direction. Mr. Fullerton was too +exclusively scientific in his bent of thought, to sympathize with the +kind of speculation in which his children delighted, while their mother +looked with mingled pride and alarm at these outbreaks of individuality +on the part of her daughters, for whom she craved the honours of the +social world. In this out-of-the-way district, society smiled upon +conformity, and glared vindictively at the faintest sign of spontaneous +thinking. Cleverness of execution, as in music, tennis, drawing, was +forgiven, even commended; but originality, though of the mildest sort, +created the same agonizing disturbance in the select circle, as the +sight of a crucifix is wont to produce upon the father of Evil. Yet by +some freak of fortune, the whole family at Dunaghee had shewn obstinate +symptoms of individuality from their childhood, and, what was more +distressing, the worst cases occurred in the girls.</p> + +<p>In the debate just recorded, that took place on Algitha’s twenty-second +birthday, Ernest had been Hadria’s principal opponent, but the others +had also taken the field against her.</p> + +<p>“You have the easier cause to champion,” she said, when there was a +momentary lull, “for all your evidences can be pointed to and counted; +whereas mine, poor things—pale hypotheses, nameless peradventures—lie +in forgotten churchyards—unthought of, unthanked, untrumpeted, and all +their tragedy is lost in the everlasting silence.”</p> + +<p>“You will never make people believe in what <em>might</em> have been,” said +Algitha.</p> + +<p>“I don’t expect to.” Hadria was standing by the window looking out over +the glimmering fields and the shrouded white hills. “Life is as white and +as unsympathetic as this,” she said dreamily. “We just dance our reel in +our garret, and then it is all over; and whether we do the steps as our +fancy would have them, or a little otherwise, because of the uneven floor, +or tired feet, or for lack of chance to learn the steps—heavens and earth, +what does it matter?”</p> + +<p>“Hadria!” exclaimed an astonished chorus.</p> + +<p>The sentiment was so entirely unlike any that the ardent President of +the Society had ever been known to express before, that brothers and +sisters crowded up to enquire into the cause of the unusual mood.</p> + +<p>“Oh, it is only the moonlight that has got into my head,” she said, +flinging back the cloudy black hair from her brow.</p> + +<p>Algitha’s firm, clear voice vibrated through the room.</p> + +<p>“But I think it matters very much whether one’s task is done well or +ill,” she said, “and nobody has taught me to wish to make solid use of +my life so much as you have, Hadria. What possesses you to-night?”</p> + +<p>“I tell you, the moonlight.”</p> + +<p>“And something else.”</p> + +<p>“Well, it struck me, as I stood there with my head full of what we have +been discussing, that the conditions of a girl’s life of our own class +are pleasant enough, but they are stifling, absolutely <em>stifling</em>; +and not all the Emersons in the world will convince me to the contrary. +Emerson never was a girl!”</p> + +<p>There was a laugh.</p> + +<p>“No; but he was a great man,” said Ernest.</p> + +<p>“Then he must have had something of the girl in him!” cried Hadria.</p> + +<p>“I didn’t mean that, but perhaps it is true.”</p> + +<p>“If he had been a girl, he would have known that conditions <em>do</em> count +hideously in one’s life. I think that there are more ‘destroyers’ to be +carried about and pampered in this department of existence than in any +other (material conditions being equal).”</p> + +<p>“Do you mean that a girl would have more difficulty in bringing her +power to maturity and getting it recognized than a man would have?” +asked Fred.</p> + +<p>“Yes; the odds are too heavy.”</p> + +<p>“A second-rate talent perhaps,” Ernest admitted, “but not a really big +one.”</p> + +<p>“I should exactly reverse that statement,” said Hadria. “The greater the +power and the finer its quality, the greater the inharmony between the +nature and the conditions; therefore the more powerful the leverage +against it. A small comfortable talent might hold its own, where a +larger one would succumb. That is where I think you make your big +mistake, in forgetting that the greatness of the power may serve to +make the greatness of the obstacles.”</p> + +<p>“So much the better for me then,” said Algitha, with a touch of satire; +“for I have no idea of being beaten.” She folded her arms in a serene +attitude of determination.</p> + +<p>“Surely it only wants a little force of will to enable you to occupy +your life in the manner you think best,” said Ernest.</p> + +<p>“That is often impossible for a girl, because prejudice and custom are +against her.”</p> + +<p>“But she ought to despise prejudice and custom,” cried the brother, +nobly.</p> + +<p>“So she often would; but then she has to tear through so many living +ties that restrain her freedom.”</p> + +<p>Algitha drew herself up. “If one is unjustly restrained,” she said, “it +is perfectly right to brave the infliction of the sort of pain that +people feel only because they unfairly object to one’s liberty of +action.”</p> + +<p>“But what a frightful piece of circumstance <em>that</em> is to encounter,” +cried Hadria, “to have to buy the mere right to one’s liberty by cutting +through prejudices that are twined in with the very heart-strings of +those one loves! Ah! <em>that</em> particular obstacle has held many a +woman helpless and suffering, like some wretched insect pinned alive to +a board throughout a miserable lifetime! What would Emerson say to these +cases? That ‘Nature magically suits the man to his fortunes by making +these the fruit of his character’? Pooh! I think Nature more often makes +a man’s fortunes a veritable shirt of Nessus which burns and clings, and +finally kills him with anguish!”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + +<p class="cap">ONCE more the old stronghold of Dunaghee, inured for centuries to the +changes of the elements, received the day’s greeting. The hues of dawn +tinged the broad hill pastures, or “airds,” as they were called, round +about the Tower of the Winds. No one was abroad yet in the silent lands, +except perhaps a shepherd, tending his flock. The little farmstead of +Craw Gill, that lay at a distance of about a couple of miles down the +valley, on the side of a ravine, was apparently dead asleep. Cruachmore, +the nearest upland farm, could scarcely be seen from the stronghold. The +old tower had been added to, perhaps two hundred years ago; a +rectangular block projecting from the corner of the original building, +and then a second erection at right angles to the first, so as to form +three sides of an irregular courtyard. This arrangement afforded some +shelter from the winds which seldom ceased to blow in these high +regions. The spot had borne the same reputation for centuries, as the +name of the old tower implied.</p> + +<p>The Tower of the Winds stood desolately, in the midst of a wide-eyed +agricultural country, and was approached only by a sort of farm track +that ran up hill and down dale, in a most erratic course, to the distant +main road.</p> + +<p>The country was not mountainous, though it lay in a northern district of +Scotland; it was bleak and solitary, with vast bare fields of grass or +corn; and below in the valley, a river that rushed sweeping over its +rough bed, silent where it ran deep, but chattering busily in the +shallows. Here was verdure to one’s heart’s content; the whole country +being a singular mixture of bleakness on the heights, and woodland +richness in the valleys; bitterly cold in the winter months, when the +light deserted the uplands ridiculously early in the afternoon, leaving +long mysterious hours that held the great silent stretches of field and +hill-side in shadow; a circumstance, which had, perhaps, not been +without its influence in the forming of Hadria’s character. She, more +than the others, seemed to have absorbed the spirit of the northern +twilights. It was her custom to wander alone over the broad spaces of +the hills, watching the sun set behind them, the homeward flight of the +birds, the approach of darkness and the rising of the stars. Every +instinct that was born in her with her Celtic blood—which lurked still +in the family to the confounding of its fortunes—was fostered by the +mystery and wildness of her surroundings.</p> + +<p>Dawn and sunset had peculiar attractions for her.</p> + +<p>Although the Preposterous Society had not separated until unusually late +on the previous night, the President was up and abroad on this exquisite +morning, summoned by some “message of range and of sweep——” to the +flushing stretches of pasture and the windy hill-side.</p> + +<p>In spite of the view that Hadria had expounded in her capacity of +lecturer, she had an inner sense that somehow, after all, the will <em>can</em> +perform astonishing feats in Fate’s despite. Her intellect, rather than +her heart, had opposed the philosophy of Emerson. Her sentiment recoiled +from admitting the possibility of such tragedy as her expressed belief +implied. This morning, the wonder and the grandeur of the dawn supplied +arguments to faith. If the best in human nature were always to be hunted +down and extinguished, if the efforts to rise in the scale of being, to +bring gifts instead of merely absorbing benefits, were only by a rare +combination of chances to escape the doom of annihilation, where was one +to turn to for hope, or for a motive for effort? How could one reconcile +the marvellous beauty of the universe, the miracles of colour, form, +and, above all, of music, with such a chaotic moral condition, and such +unlovely laws in favour of dulness, cowardice, callousness, cruelty? One +aspired to be an upholder and not a destroyer, but if it were a useless +pain and a bootless venture——?</p> + +<p>Hadria tried to find some proof of the happier philosophy that would +satisfy her intellect, but it refused to be comforted. Yet as she +wandered in the rosy light over the awakening fields, her heart sang +within her. The world was exquisite, life was a rapture!</p> + +<p>She could take existence in her hands and form and fashion it at her +will, obviously, easily; her strength yearned for the task.</p> + +<p>Yet all the time, the importunate intellect kept insisting that feeling +was deceptive, that health and youth and the freshness of the morning +spoke in her, and not reason or experience. Feeling was left untouched +nevertheless. It was impossible to stifle the voices that prophesied +golden things. Life was all before her; she was full of vigour and +longing and good will; the world stretched forth as a fair territory, +with magical pathways leading up to dizzy mountain tops. With visions +such as these, the members of the Preposterous Society had fired their +imaginations, and gained impetus for their various efforts and their +various ambitions.</p> + +<p>Hadria had been among the most hopeful of the party, and had pointed to +the loftier visions, and the more impersonal aims. Circumstance must +give way, compromise was wrong; we had but a short time in this world, +and mere details and prejudices must not be allowed to interfere with +one’s right to live to the utmost of one’s scope. But it was easier to +state a law than to obey it; easier to inspire others with faith than to +hold fast to it oneself.</p> + +<p>The time for taking matters in one’s own hands had scarcely come. A girl +was so helpless, so tied by custom. One could engage, so far, only in +guerilla warfare with the enemy, who lurked everywhere in ambush, ready +to harass the wayfarers with incessant petty attack. But life <em>must</em> +have something more to offer than this—life with its myriad interests, +dramas, mysteries, arts, poetries, delights!</p> + +<p>By the river, where it had worn for itself a narrow ravine, with steep +rocky sides or “clints,” as they were called, several short tunnels or +passages had been cut in places where the rock projected as far as the +bank of the river, which was followed in its windings by a narrow +footway, leading to the farmstead of Craw Gill.</p> + +<p>In one part, a series of such tunnels, with intervals of open pathway, +occurred in picturesque fashion, causing a singular effect of light and +shade.</p> + +<p>As Hadria stood admiring the glow of the now fully-risen sun, upon the +wall of rock that rose beyond the opening of the tunnel which she had +just passed through, she heard footsteps advancing along the riverside +path, and guessed that Algitha and Ernest had come to fetch her, or to +join in any absurd project that she might have in view. Although Algitha +was two-and-twenty, and Hadria only a year younger, they were still +guilty at times of wild escapades, with the connivance of their +brothers. Walks or rides at sunrise were ordinary occurrences in the +family, and in summer, bathing in the river was a favourite amusement.</p> + +<p>“I thought I recognised your footsteps,” said Hadria, as the two figures +appeared at the mouth of the tunnel, the low rays of the sun lighting +them up, for a moment, as they turned the sharp bend of the narrow path, +before entering the shadow.</p> + +<p>A quantity of brown dead leaves were strewn upon the floor of the +rock-passage, blown in by the wind from the pathway at each end, or +perhaps through the opening in the middle of the tunnel that looked out +upon the rushing river.</p> + +<p>A willow-tree had found footing in the crevice of the rock just outside, +and its branches, thinly decked with pale yellow leaves, dipped into the +water just in front of the opening. When the wind blew off the river it +would sweep the leaves of the willow into the tunnel.</p> + +<p>“Let’s make a bonfire,” suggested Ernest.</p> + +<p>They collected the withered harvest of the winds upon the cavern floor, +in a big brown heap, and then Ernest struck a match and set light to it. +Algitha, in a large black cloak, stood over it with a hazel stick—like +a wand—stirring and heaping on the fuel, as the mass began to smoulder +and to send forth a thick white smoke that gradually filled the cavern, +curling up into the rocky roof and swirling round and out by the +square-cut mouth, to be caught there by the slight wind and illumined +by the sun, which poured down upon the soft coils of the smoke, in so +strange a fashion, as to call forth a cry of wonder from the onlookers. +Standing in the interval of open pathway between the two rock-passages, +and looking back at the fire lit cavern, with its black shadows and +flickering flame-colours, Hadria was bewildered by what appeared to her +a veritable magic vision, beautiful beyond anything that she had ever +met in dream. She stood still to watch, with a real momentary doubt as +to whether she were awake.</p> + +<p>The figures, stooping over the burning heap, moved occasionally across +the darkness, looking like a witch and her familiar spirit, who were +conjuring, by uncanny arts, a vision of life, on the strange, white, +clean-cut patch of smoke that was defined by the sunlit entrance to the +tunnel. The witch stirred, and her familiar added fuel, while behind +them the smoke, rising and curdling, formed the mysterious background +of light: opaque, and yet in a state of incessant movement, as of some +white raging fire, thinner and more deadly than any ordinary earthly +element, that seemed to sicken and flicker in the blast of a furnace, +and then rushed upwards, and coiled and rolled across the tunnel’s +mouth. Presently, as a puff of wind swept away part of the smoke, a +miraculous tinge of rosy colour appeared, changing, as one caught it, +into gold, and presently to a milky blue, then liquid green, and a +thousand intermediate tints corresponding to the altering density of +the smoke—and then! Hadria caught her breath—the blue and the red +and the gold melted and moved and formed, under the incantation, into +a marvellous vision of distant lands, purple mountains, fair white +cities, and wide kingdoms, so many, so great, that the imagination +staggered at the vastness revealed, and offered, as it seemed, to him +who could grasp and perceive it. Among those blue deeps and faint +innumerable mountain-tops, caught through a soft mist that continually +moved and lifted, thinned and thickened, with changing tints, all the +secrets, all the hopes, all the powers and splendours, of life lay +hidden; and the beauty of the vision was as the essence of poetry and +of music—of all that is lovely in the world of art, and in the world of +the emotions. The question that had been debated so hotly and so often, +as to the relation of the good and the beautiful, art and ethics, seemed +to be answered by this bewildering revelation of sunlit smoke, playing +across the face of a purple-tinted rock, and a few feet of grass-edged +pathway.</p> + +<p>“Come and see what visions you have conjured up, O witch!” cried Hadria.</p> + +<p>Algitha gave a startled exclamation, as the smoke thinned and revealed +that bewildering glimpse of distant lands, half seen, as through the +atmosphere of a dream. An exquisite city, with slender towers and +temples, flashed, for a moment, through the mist curtain.</p> + +<p>“If life is like that,” she said at length, drawing a long breath, +“nothing on this earth ought to persuade us to forego it; no one has the +right to hold one back from its possession.”</p> + +<p>“No one,” said Hadria; “but everyone will try!”</p> + +<p>“Let them try,” returned Algitha defiantly.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">ERNEST and his two sisters walked homeward along the banks of the river, +and thence up by a winding path to the top of the cliffs. It was mild +weather, and they decided to pause in the little temple of classic +design, which some ancient owner of the Drumgarran estate, touched with +a desire for the exquisiteness of Greek outline, had built on a +promontory of the rocks, among rounded masses of wild foliage; a spot +that commanded one of the most beautiful reaches of the river. The scene +had something of classic perfection and serenity.</p> + +<p>“I admit,” said Ernest in response to some remark of one of his sisters, +“I admit that I should not like to stay here during all the best years +of my life, without prospect of widening my experience; only as a matter +of fact, the world is somewhat different from anything that you imagine, +and by no means would you find it all beer and skittles. Your smoke and +sun-vision is not to be trusted.”</p> + +<p>“But think of the pride and joy of being able to speak in that tone of +experience!” exclaimed Hadria mockingly.</p> + +<p>“One has to pay for experience,” said Ernest, shaking his head and +ignoring her taunt.</p> + +<p>“I think one has to pay more heavily for <em>in</em>experience,” she said.</p> + +<p>“Not if one never comes in contact with the world. Girls are protected +from the realities of life so long as they remain at home, and that is +worth something after all.”</p> + +<p>Algitha snorted. “I don’t know what you are pleased to call realities, +my dear Ernest, but I can assure you there are plenty of unpleasant +facts, in this protected life of ours.”</p> + +<p>“Nobody can expect to escape unpleasant facts,” said Ernest.</p> + +<p>“Then for heaven’s sake, let us purchase with them something worth +having!” Hadria cried.</p> + +<p>“Hear, hear!” assented Algitha.</p> + +<p>“Unpleasant facts being a foregone conclusion,” Hadria added, “the point +to aim at obviously is <em>interesting</em> facts—and plenty of them.”</p> + +<p>Ernest flicked a pebble off the parapet of the balustrade of the little +temple, and watched it fall, with a silent splash, into the river.</p> + +<p>“I never met girls before, who wanted to come out of their cotton-wool,” +he observed. “I thought girls loved cotton-wool. They always seem to.”</p> + +<p>“Girls <em>seem</em> an astonishing number of things that they are not,” +said Hadria, “especially to men. A poor benighted man might as well try +to get on to confidential terms with the Sphinx, as to learn the real +thoughts and wishes of a girl.”</p> + +<p>“You two are exceptional, you see,” said Ernest.</p> + +<p>“Oh, <em>everybody’s</em> exceptional, if you only knew it!” exclaimed his +sister. “Girls;” she went on to assert, “are stuffed with certain +stereotyped sentiments from their infancy, and when that painful process +is completed, intelligent philosophers come and smile upon the victims, +and point to them as proofs of the intentions of Nature regarding our +sex, admirable examples of the unvarying instincts of the feminine +creature. In fact,” Hadria added with a laugh, “it’s as if the trainer +of that troop of performing poodles that we saw, the other day, at +Ballochcoil, were to assure the spectators that the amiable animals were +inspired, from birth, by a heaven-implanted yearning to jump through +hoops, and walk about on their hind legs——”</p> + +<p>“But there <em>are</em> such things as natural instincts,” said Ernest.</p> + +<p>“There <em>are</em> such things as acquired tricks,” returned Hadria.</p> + +<p>A loud shout, accompanied by the barking of several dogs, announced the +approach of the two younger boys. Boys and dogs had been taking their +morning bath in the river.</p> + +<p>“You have broken in upon a most interesting discourse,” said Ernest. +“Hadria was really coming out.”</p> + +<p>This led to a general uproar.</p> + +<p>When peace was restored, the conversation went on in desultory fashion. +Ernest and Hadria fell apart into a more serious talk. These two had +always been “chums,” from the time when they used to play at building +houses of bricks on the nursery floor. There was deep and true affection +between them.</p> + +<p>The day broke into splendour, and the warm rays, rounding the edge of +the eastward rock, poured straight into the little temple. Below and +around on the cliff-sides, the rich foliage of holly and dwarf oak, ivy, +and rowan with its burning berries, was transformed into a mass of warm +colour and shining surfaces.</p> + +<p>“What always bewilders me,” Hadria said, bending over the balustrade +among the ivy, “is the enormous gulf between what <em>might be</em> and what +<em>is</em> in human life. Look at the world—life’s most sumptuous stage—and +look at life! The one, splendid, exquisite, varied, generous, rich +beyond description; the other, poor, thin, dull, monotonous, niggard, +distressful—is that necessary?”</p> + +<p>“But all lives are not like that,” objected Fred.</p> + +<p>“I speak only from my own narrow experience,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Oh, she is thinking, as usual, of that unfortunate Mrs. Gordon!” cried +Ernest.</p> + +<p>“Of her, and the rest of the average, typical sort of people that I +know,” Hadria admitted. “I wish to heaven I had a wider knowledge to +speak from.”</p> + +<p>“If one is to believe what one hears and reads,” said Algitha, “life +must be full of sorrow indeed.”</p> + +<p>“But putting aside the big sorrows,” said her sister, “the ordinary +every day existence that would be called prosperous, seems to me to be +dull and stupid to a tragic extent.”</p> + +<p>“The Gordons of Drumgarran once more! I confess I can’t see anything +particularly tragic there,” observed Fred, whose memory recalled troops +of stalwart young persons in flannels, engaged for hours, in sending a +ball from one side of a net to the other.</p> + +<p>“It is more than tragic; it is disgusting!” cried Hadria with a shiver. +Algitha drew herself together. She turned to her eldest brother.</p> + +<p>“Look here, Ernest; you said just now that girls were shielded from the +realities of life. Yet Mrs. Gordon was handed over by her protectors, +when she was little more than a school-girl, without knowledge, without +any sort of resource or power of facing destiny, to—well, to the +hateful realities of the life that she has led now for over twenty +years. There is nothing to win general sympathy in this case, for Mr. +Gordon is good and kind; but oh, think of the existence that a +‘protected,’ carefully brought-up girl may be launched into, before she +knows what she is pledged to, or what her ideas of life may be! If +<em>that</em> is what you call protection, for heaven’s sake let us remain +defenceless.”</p> + +<p>Fred and Ernest accused their elder sister of having been converted by +Hadria. Algitha, honest and courageous in big things and in small, at +once acknowledged the source of her ideas. Not so long ago, Algitha had +differed from the daughters of the neighbouring houses, rather in force +of character than in sentiment.</p> + +<p>She had followed the usual aims with unusual success, giving unalloyed +satisfaction to her proud mother. Algitha had taken it as a matter of +course that she would some day marry, and have a house of her own to +reign in. A home, not a husband, was the important matter, and Algitha +had trusted to her attractions to make a good marriage; that is, to +obtain extensive regions for her activities. She craved a roomy stage +for her drama, and obviously there was only one method of obtaining it, +and even that method was but dubious. But Hadria had undermined this +matter of fact, take-things-as-you-find-them view, and set her sister’s +pride on the track. That master-passion once aroused in the new +direction, Algitha was ready to defend her dignity as a woman, and as a +human being, to the death. Hadria felt as a magician might feel, who has +conjured up spirits henceforth beyond his control; for obviously, her +sister’s whole life would be altered by this change of sentiment, and, +alas, her mother’s hopes must be disappointed. The laird of Clarenoc—a +fine property, of which Algitha might have been mistress—had received +polite discouragement, much to his surprise and that of the +neighbourhood. Even Ernest, who was by no means worldly, questioned the +wisdom of his sister’s decision; for the laird of Clarenoc was a good +fellow, and after all, let them talk as they liked, what was to become +of a girl unless she married? This morning’s conversation therefore +touched closely on burning topics.</p> + +<p>“Mrs. Gordon’s people meant it for the best, I suppose,” Ernest +observed, “when they married her to a good man with a fine property.”</p> + +<p>“That is just the ghastly part of it!” cried Hadria; “from ferocious +enemies a girl might defend herself, but what is she to do against the +united efforts of devoted friends?”</p> + +<p>“I don’t suppose Mrs. Gordon is aware that she is so ill-used!”</p> + +<p>“Another gruesome circumstance!” cried Hadria, with a half laugh; “for +that only proves that her life has dulled her self-respect, and +destroyed her pride.”</p> + +<p>“But, my dear, every woman is in the same predicament, if predicament it +be!”</p> + +<p>“What a consolation!” Hadria exclaimed, “<em>all</em> the foxes have lost +their tails!”</p> + +<p>“It may be illogical, but people generally are immensely comforted by +that circumstance.”</p> + +<p>The conversation waxed warmer and more personal. Fred took a +conservative view of the question. He thought that there were instincts +implanted by Nature, which inspired Mrs. Gordon with a yearning for +exactly the sort of existence that fate had assigned to her. Algitha, +who had been the recipient of that lady’s tragic confidences, broke into +a shout of laughter.</p> + +<p>“Well, Harold Wilkins says——”</p> + +<p>This name was also greeted with a yell of derision.</p> + +<p>“I don’t see why you girls always scoff so at Harold Wilkins,” said +Fred, slightly aggrieved, “he is generally thought a lot of by girls. +All Mrs. Gordon’s sisters adore him.”</p> + +<p>“He needs no further worshippers,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>Fred was asked to repeat the words of Harold Wilkins, but to soften them +down if too severe.</p> + +<p>“He laughs at your pet ideas,” said Fred ruthlessly.</p> + +<p>“Break it gently, Fred, gently.”</p> + +<p>“He thinks that a true woman esteems it her highest privilege to—well, +to be like Mrs. Gordon.”</p> + +<p>“Wise and learned youth!” cried Hadria, resting her chin on her hand, +and peering up into the blue sky, above the temple.</p> + +<p>“<em>Fool!</em>” exclaimed Algitha.</p> + +<p>“He says,” continued Fred, determined not to spare those who were so +overbearing in their scorn, “he says that girls who have ideas like +yours will never get any fellow to marry them.”</p> + +<p>Laughter loud and long greeted this announcement.</p> + +<p>“Laughter,” observed Fred, when he could make himself heard, “is among +the simplest forms of argument. Does this merry outburst imply that you +don’t care a button whether you are able to get some one to marry you or +not?”</p> + +<p>“It does,” said Algitha.</p> + +<p>“Well, so I said to Wilkins, as a matter of fact, with my nose in the air, +on your behalf, and Wilkins replied, ‘Oh, it’s all very well while girls +are young and good-looking to be so high and mighty, but some day, when +they are left out in the cold, and all their friends married, they may +sing a different tune.’ Feeling there was something in this remark,” +Fred continued, “I raised my nose two inches higher, and adopted the +argument that <em>I</em> also resort to <em>in extremis</em>. I laughed. +‘Well, my dear fellow,’ Wilkins observed calmly, ‘I mean no offence, but +what on earth is a girl to do with herself if she <em>doesn’t</em> marry?’”</p> + +<p>“What did you reply?” asked Ernest with curiosity.</p> + +<p>“Oh, I said that was an unimportant detail, and changed the subject.”</p> + +<p>Algitha was still scornful, but Hadria looked meditative.</p> + +<p>“Harold Wilkins has a practical mind,” she observed. “After all, he is +right, when you come to consider it.”</p> + +<p>“<em>Hadria!</em>” remonstrated her sister, in dismay.</p> + +<p>“We may as well be candid,” said Hadria. “There <em>is</em> uncommonly little +that a girl can do (or rather that people will let her do) unless she +marries, and that is why she so often does marry as a mere matter of +business. But I wish Harold Wilkins would remember that fact, instead of +insisting that it is our inherent and particular nature that urges us, +one and all, to the career of Mrs. Gordon.”</p> + +<p>Algitha was obviously growing more and more ruffled. Fred tried in vain +to soothe her feelings. He joked, but she refused to see the point. She +would not admit that Harold Wilkins had facts on his side.</p> + +<p>“If one simply made up one’s mind to walk through all the hampering +circumstances, who or what could stop one?” she asked.</p> + +<p>“Algitha has evidently got some desperate plan in her head for making +mincemeat of circumstances,” cried Fred, little guessing that he had +stated the exact truth.</p> + +<p>“Do you remember that Mrs. Gordon herself waged a losing battle in early +days, incredible as it may appear?” asked Hadria.</p> + +<p>Algitha nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on the ground.</p> + +<p>“She did not originally set out with the idea of being a sort of amiable +cow. She once aspired to be quite human; she really did, poor thing!”</p> + +<p>“Then why didn’t she do it?” asked Algitha contemptuously.</p> + +<p>“Instead of <em>doing</em> a thing, she had to be perpetually struggling for +the chance to do it, which she never achieved, and so she was submerged. +That seems to be the fatality in a woman’s life.”</p> + +<p>“Well, there is one thing I am very sure of,” announced Algitha, leaning +majestically against a column of the temple, and looking like a +beautiful Greek maiden, in her simple gown, “I do not intend to be a +cow. I do not mean to fight a losing battle. I will not wait at home +meekly, till some fool holds out his sceptre to me.”</p> + +<p>All eyes turned to her, in astonishment.</p> + +<p>“But what are you going to do?” asked a chorus of voices. Hadria’s was +not among them, for she knew what was coming. The debate of last night, +and this morning’s discussion, had evidently brought to a climax a +project that Algitha had long had in her mind, but had hesitated to +carry out, on account of the distress that it would cause to her mother. +Algitha’s eyes glittered, and her colour rose.</p> + +<p>“I am not going to be hawked about the county till I am disposed of. It +does not console me in the least, that <em>all</em> the foxes are without +tails,” she went on, taking short cuts to her meaning, in her +excitement. “I am going to London with Mrs. Trevelyan, to help her in +her work.”</p> + +<p>“By <em>Jove</em>!” exclaimed Fred. Ernest whistled. Austin stared, with +open mouth.</p> + +<p>Having recovered from the first shock of surprise, the family plied +their sister with questions. She said that she had long been thinking of +accepting the post offered her by Mrs. Trevelyan last year, and now she +was resolved. The work was really wise, useful work among the poor, +which Algitha felt she could do well. At home, there was nothing that +she did that the housekeeper could not do better. She felt herself +fretting and growing irritable, for mere want of some active employment. +This was utterly absurd, in an overworked world. Hadria had her music +and her study, at any rate, but Algitha had nothing that seemed worth +doing; she did not care to paint indifferently on china; she was a mere +encumbrance—a destroyer, as Hadria put it—while there was so much, so +very much, that waited to be done. The younger sister made no comment.</p> + +<p>“Next time I meet Harold Wilkins,” said Fred, drawing a long breath, “I +will tell him that if a girl does not marry, she can devote herself to +the poor.”</p> + +<p>“Or that she can remain to be the family consolation, eh, Hadria? By +Jove, what a row there will be!”</p> + +<p>The notion of Hadria in the capacity of the family consolation, created +a shout of laughter. It had always been her function to upset foregone +conclusions, overturn orthodox views, and generally disturb the +conformity of the family attitude. Now the sedate and established +qualities would be expected of her. Hadria must be the stay and hope +of the house!</p> + +<p>Fred continued to chuckle, at intervals, over the idea.</p> + +<p>“It <em>does</em> seem to indicate rather a broken-down family!” said Ernest.</p> + +<p>“I wish one of you boys would undertake the position instead of laughing +at <em>me</em>,” exclaimed Hadria in mock resentment. “I wish <em>you</em> would +go to eternal tennis-parties, and pay calls, and bills, and write notes, and +do little useless necessary things, more or less all day. I wish <em>you</em> +had before you the choice between that existence and the career of Mrs. +Gordon, with the sole chance of escape from either fate, in ruthlessly +trampling upon the bleeding hearts of two beloved parents!”</p> + +<p>“Thank you kindly,” said Fred, “but we infinitely prefer to laugh at you.”</p> + +<p>“Man’s eternal reply to woman, admirably paraphrased!” commented Hadria.</p> + +<p>Everyone was anxious to know when Algitha intended to go to London. +Nobody doubted for a moment that she would hold to her purpose; as Fred +said, she was so “beastly obstinate.”</p> + +<p>Algitha had not fixed any time. It would depend on her mother. She +wished to make things as little painful as possible. That it was her +duty to spare her pain altogether by remaining at home, Algitha refused +to admit. She and Hadria had thought out the question from all sides. +The work she was going to do was useful, but she did not justify herself +on that ground. She claimed the right to her life and her liberty, apart +from what she intended to do with either. She owed it to her own +conscience alone to make good use of her liberty. “I don’t want to pose +as a philanthropist,” she added, “though I honestly do desire to be of +service. I want to spread my wings. And why should I not? Nobody turns +pale when Ernest wants to spread <em>his</em>. How do I know what life is +like, or how best to use it, if I remain satisfied with my present ignorance? +How can I even appreciate what I possess, if I have nothing to compare +it with? Of course, the truly nice and womanly thing to do, is to remain +at home, waiting to be married. I have elected to be <em>un</em>womanly.”</p> + +<p>“I wonder how all this will turn out,” said Ernest, “whether you won’t +regret it some day when it is too late.”</p> + +<p>“Don’t people <em>always</em> regret what they do—some day?” asked Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Perhaps so, especially if they do it sooner than other people.”</p> + +<p>“When are you going to make the announcement at head quarters?” asked +Fred.</p> + +<p>There was a pause. The colour had left Algitha’s cheeks. She answered at +length with an effort—</p> + +<p>“I shall speak to mother to-day.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">MRS. FULLERTON had gone to the study, to consult with her husband on +some matter of domestic importance. It was a long, low-pitched room, +situated in the part of the house that stood at right angles to the +central block, with long, narrow windows looking on to a rough orchard. +A few old portraits, very yellow and somewhat grotesque, hung on the +walls; a wood fire burnt on the hob-grate, and beside it stood a vast +arm chair, considerably worn, with depressions shewing where its owner +had been leaning his head, day after day, when he smoked his pipe, or +took his after-dinner nap. The bookshelves were stocked with scientific +works, and some volumes on philosophy of a materialistic character. With +the exception of Robert Burns, not one poet was represented.</p> + +<p>The owner of the house sat before a big writing-table, which was covered +with papers. His face was that of a hard thinker; the head was fine in +form, the forehead broad and high; the features regular, almost severe. +The severity was softened by a genial expression. Mrs. Fullerton, though +also obviously above the average of humanity, shewed signs of incomplete +development. The shape of the head and brow promised many faculties that +the expression of the face did not encourage one to expect. She was +finely built; and carried herself with dignity. When her daughters +accompanied her on a round of calls in the neighbourhood, they expressed +a certain quality in her appearance, in rough and ready terms: “Other +married women always look such fools beside mother!”</p> + +<p>And they did.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Fullerton wore her fine black hair brushed neatly over her +forehead; her eyes were large, and keen in expression. The mouth shewed +determination. It was easy to see that this lady had unbounded belief in +her husband’s wisdom, except in social matters, for which he cared +nothing. On that point she had to keep her ambitions to herself. In +questions of philosophy, she had imbibed his tenets unmodified, and +though she went regularly every Sunday to the close little Scottish +church at Ballochcoil, she had no more respect than her husband had, +for the doctrines that were preached there.</p> + +<p>“No doubt it is all superstition and nonsense,” she used to say, “but in +this country, one can’t afford to fly in the face of prejudice. It would +seriously tell against the girls.”</p> + +<p>“Well, have your own way,” Mr. Fullerton would reply, “but I can’t see +the use of always bothering about what people will think. What more do +the girls want than a good home and plenty of lawn-tennis? They’ll get +husbands fast enough, without your asphyxiating yourself every Sunday +in their interests.”</p> + +<p>In her youth, Mrs. Fullerton had shewn signs of qualities which had +since been submerged. Her husband had influenced her development +profoundly, to the apparent stifling of every native tendency. A few +volumes of poetry, and other works of imagination, bore testimony to +the lost sides of her nature.</p> + +<p>Mr. Fullerton thought imagination “all nonsense,” and his wife had no +doubt he was right, though there was something to be said for one or two +of the poets. The buried impulses had broken out, like a half-smothered +flame, in her children, especially in her younger daughter. Singularly +enough, the mother regarded these qualities, partly inherited from +herself, as erratic and annoying. The memory of her own youth taught her +no sympathy.</p> + +<p>It was a benumbed sort of life that she led, in her picturesque old +home, whose charm she perceived but dimly with the remnants of her lost +aptitudes.</p> + +<p>“Picturesque!” Mr. Fullerton used to cry with a snort; “why not say +‘unhealthy’ and be done with it?”</p> + +<p>From these native elements of character, modified in so singular a +fashion in the mother’s life, the children of this pair had drawn +certain of their peculiarities. The inborn strength and authenticity +of the parents had transmuted itself, in the younger generation, to a +spirit of free enquiry, and an audacity of thought which boded ill for +Mrs. Fullerton’s ambitions. The talent in her daughters, from which she +had hoped so much, seemed likely to prove a most dangerous obstacle to +their success. Why was it that clever people were never sensible?</p> + +<p>The gong sounded for luncheon. Austin put his head in at the door of the +study, to ask if his father would shew him a drop of ditch-water through +the microscope, in the afternoon.</p> + +<p>“If you will provide the ditch-water, I will provide the microscope,” +promised Mr. Fullerton genially.</p> + +<p>Luncheon, usually a merry meal at Dunaghee, passed off silently. There +was a sense of oppression in the air. Algitha and her sister made +spasmodic remarks, and there were long pauses. The conversation was +chiefly sustained by the parents and the ever-talkative Fred.</p> + +<p>The latter had some anecdotes to tell of the ravages made by wasps.</p> + +<p>“If Buchanan would only adopt my plan of destroying them,” said Mr. +Fullerton, “we should soon get rid of the pest.”</p> + +<p>“It’s some chemical, isn’t it?” asked Mrs. Fullerton.</p> + +<p>“Oh, no; that’s no use at all! Wasps positively enjoy chemicals. What +you do is this——.” And then followed a long and minute explanation of +his plan, which had the merit of extreme originality.</p> + +<p>Mr. Fullerton had his own particular way of doing everything, a piece +of presumption which was naturally resented, with proper spirit, by his +neighbours. He found it an expensive luxury. In the management of the +estate, he had outraged the feelings of every landlord and land-agent +within a radius of many miles, but he gained the affection of his +tenants, and this he seemed to value more than the approval of his +fellow-proprietors. In theory, he stuck out for his privileges; in +practice, he was the friend and brother of the poorest on the estate. In +his mode of farming he was as eccentric as in his method of management. +He had taken Croachmore into his own hands, and this devoted farm had +become the subject of a series of drastic scientific experiments, to the +great grief and indignation of his bailiff.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Fullerton believed implicitly in the value of these experiments, +and so long as her husband tried science only on the farm she had no +misgivings; but, alas, he had lately taken shares in some company, that +was to revolutionize agriculture through an ingenious contrivance for +collecting nitrogen from the atmosphere. Mr. Fullerton was confident +that the new method was to be a gigantic success. But on this point, +his wife uneasily shook her head. She had even tried to persuade Mr. +Fullerton to rid himself of his liability. It was so great, she argued, +and why should one be made anxious? But her husband assured her that she +didn’t understand anything about it; women ought not to meddle in +business matters; it was a stupendous discovery, sure to make the +fortunes of the original shareholders.</p> + +<p>“When once the prejudice against a new thing has been got over,” said +the man of science, “you will see——the thing will go like wild-fire.”</p> + +<p>Many years afterwards, these words were remembered by Mrs. Fullerton, +and she bitterly regretted that she had not urged the matter more +strenuously.</p> + +<p>“Well, Algitha,” said her father, wondering at her silence, “how are the +roses getting on? And I hope you have not forgotten the sweet-brier that +you promised to grow for me.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, no, father, the sweet-brier has been ordered,” returned Algitha, +without her usual brightness of manner.</p> + +<p>“Have you a headache?” enquired Mrs. Fullerton. “I hope you have not all +been sitting up talking in Hadria’s room, as you are too fond of doing. +You have the whole day in which to express your ideas, and I think you +might let the remainder wait over till morning.”</p> + +<p>“We <em>were</em> rather late last night,” Algitha confessed.</p> + +<p>“Pressure of ideas overpowering,” added Fred.</p> + +<p>“When <em>I</em> was young, ideas would never have been tolerated in young +people for a moment,” said Mrs. Fullerton, “it would have been considered +a mark of ill-breeding. You may think yourselves lucky to be born at this +end of the century, instead of the other.”</p> + +<p>“Indeed we do!” exclaimed Ernest. “It’s getting jolly interesting!”</p> + +<p>“In some respects, no doubt we have advanced,” observed his mother, “but +I confess I don’t understand all your modern notions. Everybody seems to +be getting discontented. The poor want to be rich, and the rich want to +be millionaires; men want to do their master’s work, and women want to +do men’s; everything is topsy-turvy!”</p> + +<p>“The question is: What constitutes being right side up?” said Ernest. +“One can’t exactly say what is topsy-turvy till one knows <em>that</em>.”</p> + +<p>“When I was young we thought we <em>did</em> know,” said Mrs. Fullerton, +“but no doubt we are old-fashioned.”</p> + +<p>When luncheon was over, Mr. Fullerton went to the garden with his +family, according to a time-honoured custom. His love of flowers +sometimes made Hadria wonder whether her father also had been born with +certain instincts, which the accidents of life had stifled or failed to +develop. Terrible was the tyranny of circumstance! What had Emerson been +dreaming of?</p> + +<p>Mr. Fullerton, with a rose-bud in his button-hole, went off with the +boys for a farming walk. Mrs. Fullerton returned to the house, and the +sisters were left pacing together in the sheltered old garden, between +two rows of gorgeous autumn flowers.</p> + +<p>Hadria felt sick with dread of the coming interview.</p> + +<p>Algitha was buoyed up, for the moment, by a strong conviction that she +was in the right.</p> + +<p>“It can’t be fair even for parents to order one’s whole life according +to their pleasure,” she said. “Other girls submit, I know——”</p> + +<p>“And so the world is full of abortive, ambiguous beings, fit for +nothing. The average woman always seem to me to be <em>muffled</em>——or +morbid.”</p> + +<p>“That’s what <em>I</em> should become if I pottered about here much longer,” +said Algitha—“morbid; and if there is one thing on the face of the +earth that I loathe, it is morbidness.”</p> + +<p>Both sisters were instinctively trying to buttress up Algitha’s courage, +by strengthening her position with additional arguments.</p> + +<p>“Is it fair,” Hadria asked, “to summon children into the world, and then +run up bills against them for future payment? Why should one not see the +bearings of the matter?”</p> + +<p>“In theory one can see them clearly enough; but it is poor comfort when +it comes to practice.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, seeing the bearings of things is <em>always</em> poor comfort!” exclaimed +the younger sister, with sudden vehemence. “Upon my word, I think it is +better, after all, to absorb indiscriminately whatever idiotcy may +happen to be around one, and go with the crowd.”</p> + +<p>“Nonsense!” cried Algitha, who had no sympathy with these passionate +discouragements that alternated, in Hadria, with equally passionate +exaltations.</p> + +<p>“When you have gone, I will ask Mrs. Gordon to teach me the spirit of +acquiescence, and one of those distracting games—bésique or halma, or +some of the other infernal pastimes that heaven decrees for recalcitrant +spirits in need of crushing discipline.”</p> + +<p>“I think I see you!” Algitha exclaimed with a dispirited laugh.</p> + +<p>“It will be a trial,” Hadria admitted; “but it is said that suffering +strengthens the character. You may look forward before long, to claiming +as sister a creature of iron purpose.”</p> + +<p>“I wonder, I wonder,” cried Algitha, bending her fine head; “we owe +everything to her.”</p> + +<p>“I know we do. It’s of no use disguising the unpleasant side of the +matter. A mother disappointed in her children must be a desperately +unhappy woman. She has nothing left; for has she not resigned everything +for them? But is sacrifice for ever to follow on sacrifice? Is life to +go rolling after life, like the cheeses that the idiot in the fable sent +running downhill, the one to fetch the other back?”</p> + +<p>“Yes, for ever,” said Algitha, “until a few dare to break through the +tradition, and then everyone will wonder at its folly. If only I could +talk the matter over, in a friendly spirit, with mother, but she won’t +let me. Ah! if it were not that one is born with feelings and energies +and ambitions of one’s own, parents might treat one as a showman treats +his marionettes, and we should all be charmed to lie prone on our backs, +or to dance as may be convenient to our creators. But, as it is, the +life of a marionette—however affectionate the wire-pullers—does become +monotonous after a time.”</p> + +<p>“As to that,” said the younger sister, with a little raising of the +brows, as if half shrinking from what she meant to say, “I think most +parents regard their children with such favourable eyes, not so much +because they are <em>they</em> as because they are <em>theirs</em>.”</p> + +<p>The sisters paced the length of the garden without speaking. Then Hadria +came to a standstill at the sun-dial, at the crossing of the paths, and +began absently to trace the figures of the hours, with the stalk of a +rose.</p> + +<p>“After all,” she said, “parents are presumably not actuated by +humanitarian motives in bringing one into this wild world. They don’t +even profess to have felt an unselfish desire to see one enjoying +oneself at their expense (though, as a matter of fact, what enjoyment +one has generally <em>is</em> at their expense). People are always +enthusiastically congratulated on the arrival of a new child, though it +be the fourteenth, and the income two hundred a year! This seems to +point to a pronounced taste for new children, regardless of the +consequences!”</p> + +<p>“Oh, of course,” said Algitha, “it’s one of the canons! Women, above +all, are expected to jubilate at all costs. And I think most of them do, +more or less sincerely.”</p> + +<p>“Very well then,” cried Hadria, “it is universally admitted that +children are summoned into the world to gratify parental instincts. Yet +the parents throw all the onus of existence, after all, upon the children, +and make <em>them</em> pay for it, and apologise for it, and justify it by +a thousand sacrifices and an ever-flowing gratitude.”</p> + +<p>“I am quite ready to give gratitude and sacrifice too,” said Algitha, +“but I don’t feel that I ought to sacrifice <em>everything</em> to an idea +that seems to me wrong. Surely a human being has a right to his own life. +If he has not that, what, in heaven’s name, <em>has</em> he?”</p> + +<p>“Anything but that!” cried Hadria.</p> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<p>While the momentous interview was going on, Hadria walked restlessly up +and down the garden, feverishly waiting. The borders were brilliant with +vast sunflowers, white lilies, and blazing “red-hot pokers” tangled +together in splendid profusion, a very type of richness and glory of +life. Such was the sort of existence that Hadria claimed from Fate. Her +eyes turned to the bare, forlorn hills that even the August sunshine +could not conjure into sumptuousness, and there she saw the threatened +reality.</p> + +<p>When at last Algitha’s fine figure appeared at the further end of the +path, Hadria hastened forward and took her sister’s arm.</p> + +<p>“It was worse than I had feared,” Algitha said, with a quiver in her +voice. “I <em>know</em> I am right, and yet it seems almost more than I am +equal for. When I told mother, she turned deadly white, and I thought, +for a moment, that she was going to faint. Let’s sit down on this +seat.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, it was horrible, Hadria! Mother must have been cherishing hopes +about us, in a way that I don’t think she quite knew herself. After that +first moment of wretchedness, she flew into a passion of rage—that +dreadful, tearing anger that people only feel when something of +themselves is being wrenched away from them. She said that her children +were all bad and unnatural; that she had spent her whole life in their +interests; that if it had not been for her, we should all of us have +grown up without education or accomplishments, or looks, or anything +else; that she watched over us incessantly when we were little children, +denying herself, spending her youth in devotion to us, when she might +have gone into the world, and had some brightness and pleasure. If we +imagined that she had never felt the dulness of her life, and never +longed to go about and see people and things, we were much mistaken. But +she had renounced everything she cared for, from her girlhood—she was +scarcely older than I when her sacrifices began—and now her children +gave no consideration to her; they were ready to scatter themselves +hither and thither without a thought of her, or her wishes. They even +talked scoffingly of the kind of life that she had led for <em>them</em>—for +<em>them</em>, she repeated bitterly.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s face had clouded.</p> + +<p>“Truly parents must have a bad time of it!” she exclaimed, “but does it +really console them that their children should have a bad time of it +too?”</p> + +<p>Algitha was trembling and very pale.</p> + +<p>“Mother says I shall ruin my life by this fad. What real good am I going +to do? She says it is absurd the way we talk of things we know nothing +about.”</p> + +<p>“But she won’t let us know about things; one must talk about +<em>some</em>thing!” cried Hadria with a dispirited laugh.</p> + +<p>“She says she has experience of life, and we are ignorant of it. I +reminded her that our ignorance was not exactly our fault.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! precisely. Parents throw their children’s ignorance in their teeth, +having taken precious good care to prevent their knowing anything. I can’t +understand parents; they must have been young themselves once. Yet they +seem to have forgotten all about it. They keep us hoodwinked and infantile, +and then launch us headlong into life, with all its problems to meet, and +all momentous decisions made for us, past hope of undoing.” Hadria rose +restlessly in her excitement. “Surely no creature was ever dealt with so +insanely as the well-brought-up girl! Surely no well-wisher so sincere as +the average parent ever ill-treated his charge so preposterously.”</p> + +<p>Again there was a long silence, filled with painful thought. “One begins +to understand a little, why women do things that one despises, and why +the proudest of them so often submit to absolute indignity. You remember +when Mrs. Arbuthnot and——”</p> + +<p>“Ah, don’t!” cried Algitha, flushing. “<em>Nothing</em> ought to induce a +woman to endure that.”</p> + +<p>“H’m——I suspect the world that we know nothing about, Algitha, has +ways and means of applying the pressure such as you and I scarcely dream +of.” Hadria spoke with half-closed eyes that seemed to see deep and far. +“I have read and heard things that have almost taken my breath away! I +feel as if I could <em>kill</em> every man who acquiesces in the present +order of things. It is an insult to every woman alive!”</p> + +<p>In Hadria’s room that night, Algitha finally decided to delay her going +for another six months, hoping by that time that her mother would have +grown used to the idea, and less opposed to it. Mr. Fullerton dismissed +it, as obviously absurd. But this high-handed treatment roused all the +determination that Algitha had inherited from her father. The six months +had to be extended, in order to procure funds. Algitha had a small +income of her own, left her by her godmother, Miss Fortescue. She put +aside this, for her purpose. Further delay, through Mrs. Trevelyan, +brought the season round again to autumn, before Algitha was able to +make her final preparations for departure.</p> + +<p>“Do try and reconcile them to the idea,” she said to her sister, as they +stood on the platform of Ballochcoil station, very white and +wretched-looking.</p> + +<p>“It breaks my heart to see father look so fixed and angry, and mother so +miserable. I am not going away for ever. Dear me, a day’s journey will +bring me back, at any time.”</p> + +<p>“I’ll do my best,” said Hadria, “here’s your train; what a clumsy +instrument of fate it does look!”</p> + +<p>There was not much time for farewells. In a few minutes the train was +steaming out of the station. A solitary figure stood on the platform, +watching the monster curving and diminishing along the line, with its +white smoke soaring merrily into the air, in great rolling masses, that +melted, as if by some incantation, from thick, snow-like whiteness to +rapid annihilation.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">AS Hadria drove over the winding upland road back to her home, her +thoughts followed her sister into her new existence, and then turned +wistfully backwards to the days that had been marked off into the past +by Algitha’s departure. How bright and eager and hopeful they had all +been, how full of enthusiasm and generous ambitions! Even as they talked +of battle, they stretched forth their hands for the crown of victory.</p> + +<p>At the last meeting of the Preposterous Society, Ernest had repeated a +poem of his favourite Emerson, called <em>Days</em>, and the poem, which +was familiar to Hadria, sounded in her memory, as the pony trotted merrily +along the well-known homeward way.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0a">“Daughters of Time, the hypocritic Days,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Muffled and dumb, like barefoot Dervishes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And marching single in an endless file,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Bring diadems and faggots in their hands.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To each they offer gifts after his will,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Bread, kingdoms, stars, and sky that holds them all.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I, in my pleached garden, watched the pomp,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Forgot my morning wishes, hastily<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Took a few herbs and apples, and the Day<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Turned and departed silent. I, too late,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Under her solemn fillet saw the scorn.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>In spite of Hadria’s memorable lecture of a year ago, it was still the +orthodox creed of the Society, that Circumstance is the handmaid of the +Will; that one can demand of one’s days “bread, kingdoms, stars, or +sky,” and that the Days will obediently produce the objects desired. If +one has but the spirit that can soar high enough to really be resolved +upon stars, or the ambition sufficiently vaulting to be determined on +kingdoms, then—so ran the dogma—stars and kingdoms would be +forthcoming, though obstacles were never so determined. No member except +Hadria had ever dreamt of insinuating that one might have a very +pronounced taste for stars and kingdoms—nay, a taste so dominant that +life would be worthless unless they were achieved—yet might be forced, +by the might of events, to forego them. Hadria’s own heresy had been of +the head rather than of the heart. But to-day, feeling began to share +the scepticism of the intellect.</p> + +<p>What if one’s stars and kingdoms lay on the further side of a crime or a +cruelty?</p> + +<p>What then was left but to gather up one’s herbs and apples, and bear, as +best one might, the scorn of the unjust Days?</p> + +<p>Hadria cast about in her mind for a method of utilizing to the best +advantage possible, the means at her disposal: to force circumstance to +yield a harvest to her will. To be the family consolation meant no light +task, for Mrs. Fullerton was exacting by nature: she had given much, and +she expected much in return. Her logic was somewhat faulty, but that +could not be gracefully pointed out to her by her daughter. Having +allowed her own abilities to decay, Mrs. Fullerton had developed an +extraordinary power of interfering with the employment of the abilities +of others. Hadria had rather underrated than exaggerated this +difficulty. Her mother would keep her for hours, discussing a trivial +point of domestic business, giving elaborate directions about it, only +to do it herself in the end. She spent her whole life in trifles of this +kind, or over social matters. Everything was done cumbrously, with an +incredible amount of toil and consideration, and without any noticeable +results. Hadria, fighting against a multitude of harassing little +difficulties, struggled to turn the long winter months to some use. But +Mrs. Fullerton broke the good serviceable time into jagged fragments.</p> + +<p>“I really can’t see,” said the mother, when the daughter proposed to set +apart certain hours for household duties, and to have other portions of +the day to herself, “I really can’t see why a girl’s little occupations +should be treated with so much consideration. However, I have no wish +for grudging assistance.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s temper was far indeed from perfect, and painful scenes often +occurred. But as a rule, she would afterwards be seized with a fit of +remorse, knowing that her mother was suffering bitterly from her keen +disappointment about Algitha. The failure of a life-long hope must try +the endurance of the bravest. Mrs. Fullerton, seeing that Hadria was +more patient, quickly took advantage of the favourable moment, with a +rapid instinct that had often done her good service in the management +of a niggard destiny. The valuable mood must not be allowed to die +fruitless. The elder girl’s defection thus became, to the mother, a sort +of investment, bearing interest of docility in the younger. Because the +heartless Algitha had left home, it seemed to Mrs. Fullerton that the +very least that Hadria could do, was to carry out her mother’s lightest +wish.</p> + +<p>And so the weeks went by, in dreary, troublous fashion, cut into a +hundred little barren segments. The mind had no space, or stretch, or +solitude. It was incessantly harassed, and its impetus was perpetually +checked. But Hadria hoped on. This could not last for ever. Some day, +doubtless, if she sank not in spirit, the stars and the kingdoms would +come.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, the position of affairs was decidedly ridiculous. She was +here as the family consolation, and nobody seemed to be consoled! Her +efforts had been sincere and even enthusiastic, but the boys only +laughed at her, in this rôle, and nobody was apparently in the least +gratified (except those imps of boys!).</p> + +<p>For a long time, Mrs. Fullerton seemed to be oblivious of her daughter’s +efforts, but one day, when they had been talking about Algitha, the +mother said: “Your father and I now look to you, Hadria. I do think that +you are beginning to feel a little what your duty is. If <em>you</em> also +were to turn deserter in our old age, I think it would kill us.”</p> + +<p>Hadria felt a thrill of horror. The network of Fate seemed to be fast +closing round her. The temporary was to become fixed. She must act all +her days according to the conviction of others, or her parents would die +of grief!</p> + +<p>When she went to the hills that afternoon, she felt as if she must walk +on and on into the dreamy distance, away from all these toils and +claims, away into the unknown world and never return. But, alas! the +night descended and return she must. These wild impulses could never be +followed.</p> + +<p>The day had been peculiarly harassing and cut up; some neighbours had +been to afternoon tea and tennis, and the sight of their faces and the +sound of their talk had caused, in Hadria, an unutterable depression. +The light, conventional phrases rang in her ears still, the expression +of the faces haunted her, and into her heart crept a chill that benumbed +every wish and hope and faith that she had ever cherished.</p> + +<p>She sat up late into the night. Since freedom and solitude could not be +had by day, the nights were often her sole opportunity. At such times +she would work out her musical ideas, which in the dead silence of the +house were brought forth plentifully. These, from her point of view, +were the fruitful hours of the twenty-four. Thoughts would throng the +darkness like swarms of living things.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s mood found expression to-night in a singular and most +melancholy composition. She called it <em>Futility</em>.</p> + +<p>It was unlike anything that she had ever done before, and she felt that +it shewed an access of musical power.</p> + +<p>She dreamt an absurd dream: That she was herself one of those girls with +the high pattering accents, playing tennis without ceasing and with +apparent cheerfulness; talking just as they had talked, and about just +the same things; and all the time, a vast circle of shadowy forms stood +watching, beckoning, and exhorting and warning, and turning away, at +last, in sorrowful contempt, because she preferred to spend her youth +eternally in futilities. And then they all slowly drifted by with sad +eyes fixed on her, and she was still left playing, playing. And it +seemed as if whole weeks passed in that way, and she grew mortally +tired, but some power prevented her from resting. The evil spell held +her enthralled. Always cheerful, always polite and agreeable, she +continued her task, finding herself growing accustomed to it at last, +and duly resigned to the necessity, wearisome though it was. Then all +hope that the game would ever cease went away, and she played on, +mechanically, but always with that same polite cheerfulness, as of +afternoon calls. She would not for the world admit that she was tired. +But she was so tired that existence became a torture to her, and her +heart seemed about to break with the intolerable strain—when she woke +up with a start, and found herself lying in a constrained attitude, +half-choked by the bed-clothes.</p> + +<p>She did not see the comic side of the dream till next morning, when she +told it at breakfast for the benefit of the family.</p> + +<p>As Hadria was an ardent tennis-player, it struck her brethren as a +particularly inappropriate form of nightmare.</p> + +<p>Hadria, at this time, went frequently with her father on his farming +walks, as he liked to have one or more of the family with him. She +enjoyed these walks, for Mr. Fullerton would talk about philosophy and +science, often of the most abstruse and entrancing kind. His children +were devoted to him. During these expeditions, they always vied with one +another to ferret out the most absurd story to tell him, he being held +as conqueror who made their father laugh most heartily. Sometimes they +all went in a body, armed with wild stories; and occasionally, across +the open fields, a row of eccentric-looking figures might be seen, +struggling in the grip of hilarious paroxysms; Mr. Fullerton doubled up +in the middle of a turnip-field, perhaps, with his family in contortions +round him. The air of the hills seemed to run to their heads, like wine. +Roulades of laughter, hearty guffaws, might have been heard for +surprising distances, much to the astonishment of the sober labourers +bending over their toil.</p> + +<p>Ernest had to go back to college; Fred and Austin to school. The house +seemed very quiet and sad after the boys left, and Hadria missed her +sister more and more, as time went on.</p> + +<p>Algitha wrote most happily.</p> + +<p>“With all its drawbacks, this existence of hard work (yet not too hard) +suits me exactly. It uses up my energies; yet, in spite of the really +busy life I lead, I literally have more leisure than I used to have at +home, where all through the day, there was some little detail to be +attended to, some call to make, some convention to offer incense to, +some prejudice to respect. Here, once my day’s work is over, it <em>is</em> +over, and I have good solid hours of leisure. I feel that I have earned +those hours when they come; also that I have earned a right to my keep, +as Wilfrid Burton, the socialist, puts it somewhat crudely. When I go to +bed at night, I can say: ‘Because of me, this day, heavy hearts have +been made a little lighter.’ I hear all sorts of opinions, and see all +sorts of people. I never was so happy in my life.”</p> + +<p>It was Hadria’s habit still to take solitary rambles over the country. +A passionate lover of Nature, she found endless pleasure in its +ever-changing aspects. Yet of late, a new feeling had begun to mutter +angrily within her: a resentment against these familiar sights and +sounds, because they were the boundaries of her horizon. She hated the +line of the round breezy hills where the row of fir-trees stood against +the sky, because that was the edge of her world, and she wanted to see +what was beyond. She must and would see what was beyond, some day. Her +hope was always vague; for if she dared to wonder how the curtain of +life was to be lifted, she had to face the fact that there was no +reasonable prospect of such a lifting. Still, the utter horror of living +on always, in this fashion, seemed to prove it impossible.</p> + +<p>On one dim afternoon, when the sun was descending, Hadria’s solitary +figure was noticed by a white-haired lady, presumably a tourist, who had +stopped to ask a question of some farm labourers, working in a field. +She ceased to listen to the information, on the subject of Dunaghee, +that was given to her in a broad Scottish dialect. The whole scene, +which an instant before had impressed her as one of beauty and peace, +suddenly focussed itself round the dark figure, and grew sinister in its +aspect. At that moment, nothing would have persuaded the onlooker that +the hastening figure was not hastening towards misfortune.</p> + +<p>A woman of impulse, she set off in purposeless pursuit. Hadria’s pace +was very rapid; she was trying to outrun thought. It was impossible to +live without hope, yet hope, in this forlorn land, was growing faint +and tired.</p> + +<p>Her pursuer was a remarkable-looking woman, no longer young, with her +prematurely white hair drawn up from her brow with a proud sweep that +suited well her sharply defined features and her air of defiance. She +was carelessly dressed after the prevailing fashion, and gave the +impression of not having her life successfully in hand, but rather of +being driven by it, as by a blustering wind, against her inclination.</p> + +<p>The impression which had seized her, a moment ago, deepened as she went. +Something in the scene and the hastening figure roused a sense of dread. +With her, an impression was like a spark to gunpowder. Her imagination +blazed up. Life, in its most tragic aspect, seemed before her in the +lonely scene, with the lonely figure, moving, as if in pursuit of a lost +hope, towards the setting sun.</p> + +<p>If Hadria had not paused on the brow of the hill, it is unlikely that +she would have been overtaken, but that pause decided the matter. The +stranger seemed suddenly to hesitate, wondering, apparently, what she +had done this eccentric thing for.</p> + +<p>Hadria, feeling a presence behind her, turned nervously round and gave +a slight start.</p> + +<p>It was so rare to meet anybody on these lonely hills, that the +apparition of a striking-looking woman with white hair, dark eyes, and +a strange exalted sort of expression, gave a shock of surprise.</p> + +<p>As the lady had stopped short, Hadria supposed that she had lost her +way, and wished to make some enquiries.</p> + +<p>“Can I direct you, or give you any assistance?” she asked, after a +second’s pause.</p> + +<p>“Oh, thank you, you are very kind. I have come over from Ballochcoil to +explore the country. I have been trying to find out the history of the +old houses of the district. Could you tell me, by the way, anything +about that house with the square tower at the end; I have been loitering +round it half the afternoon. And I would have given anything to know its +history, and what it is like inside.”</p> + +<p>“Well, I can help you there, for that old house is my home. If you have +time to come with me now, I will show you all over it,” said Hadria, +impulsively.</p> + +<p>“That is too tempting an offer. And yet I really don’t like to intrude +in this way. I am a perfect stranger to you and—your parents I +suppose?”</p> + +<p>“They will be delighted,” Hadria assured her new acquaintance, somewhat +imprudently.</p> + +<p>“Well, I can’t resist the temptation,” said the latter, and they walked +on together.</p> + +<p>Hadria related what she knew about the history of the house. Very scanty +records had survived. It had obviously been one of the old Scottish +strongholds, built in the lawless days when the country was plunged in +feuds and chieftains lived on plunder. A few traditions lingered about +it: among them that of a chief who had carried off, by force, the +daughter of his bitterest enemy, in revenge for some deed of treachery. +He had tortured her with insolent courtship, and then starved her to +death in a garret in the tower, while her father and his followers +assaulted its thick walls in vain.</p> + +<p>“The tradition is, that on stormy nights one can still hear the sound of +the attack, the shouts of the men and the father’s imprecations.”</p> + +<p>“A horrible story!”</p> + +<p>“When people say the world has not progressed, I always think of that +story, and remember that such crimes were common in those days,” Hadria +remarked.</p> + +<p>“I doubt if we are really less ferocious to-day,” the other said; “our +ferocity is directed against the weakest, now as then, but there are +happily not so many weak, so we get the credit of being juster, without +expense. As a matter of fact, our opportunities are less, and so we make +a virtue of necessity—with a vengeance!”</p> + +<p>Hadria looked at her companion with startled interest. “Will you tell me +to whom I have the pleasure of speaking?” the lady asked.</p> + +<p>“My name is Fullerton—Hadria Fullerton.”</p> + +<p>“Thank you. And here is my card, at least I think it is. Oh, no, that is +a friend’s card! How very tiresome! I am reduced to pronouncing my own +name—Miss Du Prel, Valeria Du Prel; you may know it.”</p> + +<p>Hadria came to a sudden standstill. She might know it! she might indeed. +Valeria Du Prel had long been to her a name to swear by.</p> + +<p>“Miss Du Prel! Is that—are you—may I ask, are you the writer of those +wonderful books?”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel gave a gratified smile. “I am glad they please you.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! if you could guess how I have longed to know you. I simply can’t +believe it.”</p> + +<p>“And so my work has really given you pleasure?”</p> + +<p>“Pleasure! It has given me hope, it has given me courage, it has given +me faith in all that is worth living for. It was an epoch in my life +when I first read your <em>Parthenia</em>.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel seemed so genuinely pleased by this enthusiasm that Hadria +was surprised.</p> + +<p>“I have plenty of compliments, but very seldom a word that makes me +feel that I have spoken to the heart. I feel as if I had called in the +darkness and had no response, or like one who has cried from the +house-tops to a city of the dead.”</p> + +<p>“And I so often thought of writing to you, but did not like to intrude,” +cried Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Ah! if you only <em>had</em> written to me!” Miss Du Prel exclaimed.</p> + +<p>Hadria gazed incredulously at the familiar scene, as they approached the +back of the house, with its round tower and its confusion of picturesque, +lichen-covered roofs. An irregular circle of stately trees stood as +sentinels round the stronghold.</p> + +<p>After all, something did happen, once in a while, in this remote corner +of the universe, whose name, Hadria used to think, had been erased from +the book of Destiny. She was perhaps vaguely disappointed to find that +the author of <em>Parthenia</em> wore ordinary human serge, and a cape cut +after the fashion of any other person’s cape. Still, she had no idea +what supersensuous material she could reasonably have demanded of her +heroine (unless it were the mythic “bombazine” that Ernest used to talk +about, in his ignorant efforts to describe female apparel), or what +transcendental form of cape would have satisfied her imagination.</p> + +<p>“You have a lovely home,” said Valeria Du Prel, “you must be very happy +here.”</p> + +<p>“Would you be happy here?”</p> + +<p>“Well, of course that would depend. I am, I fear, too roving by nature +to care to stay long in one place. Still I envy girls their home-life in +the country; it is so healthy and free.”</p> + +<p>Hadria, without answering, led her companion round the flank of the +tower, and up to the front door. It was situated in the angle of the +wings, a sheltered nook, hospitably careful of the guest, whom the winds +of the uplands were disposed to treat but roughly.</p> + +<p>Hadria and her companion entered a little panelled hall, whence a flight +of broad stairs with stout wooden balusters, of quaint design, led to +the first floor.</p> + +<p>The visitor was charmed with the quiet old rooms, especially with +Hadria’s bedroom in the tower, whose windows were so deep-set that they +had to be approached through a little tunnel cut out of the thickness of +the wall. The windows looked on to the orchard at the back, and in +front over the hills. Miss Du Prel was taken to see the scene of the +tragedy, and the meeting-room of the Preposterous Society.</p> + +<p>“You must see the drawing-room,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>She opened a door as she spoke, and ushered her visitor into a large, +finely-proportioned room with three tall windows of stately form, +divided into oblong panes, against which vagrant sprays of ivy were +gently tapping.</p> + +<p>This room was also panelled with painted wood; its character was quiet +and stately and reposeful. Yet one felt that many human lives had been +lived in it. It was full of the sentiment of the past, from the old +prints and portraits on the walls, to the delicate outlines of the +wooden mantel-piece, with its finely wrought urns and garlands.</p> + +<p>Before this mantel-piece, with the firelight flickering in her face, sat +Mrs. Fullerton, working at a large piece of embroidery.</p> + +<p>For the first time, Hadria hesitated. “Mother,” she said, “this is Miss +Du Prel. We met out on the hills this afternoon, and I have brought her +home to see the house, which she admires very much.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Fullerton had looked up in astonishment, at this incursion into her +very sanctuary, of a stranger met at haphazard on the hills. Hadria +wheeled up an easy-chair for the visitor.</p> + +<p>“I fear Miss Du Prel will not find much to see in the old house,” said +Mrs. Fullerton, whose manner had grown rigid, partly because she was +shy, partly because she was annoyed with Hadria for her impulsive +conduct, and largely because she disliked the idea of a literary +acquaintance for her daughter, who was quite extraordinary enough as it +was.</p> + +<p>“We have been all over the house,” said Hadria hastily, with an anxious +glance at Miss Du Prel, whom she half expected to rise and walk out of +the room. It must surely be the first time in her life that her presence +had not been received as an honour!</p> + +<p>“It is all very old and shabby,” said Mrs. Fullerton. “I hope you will +take some tea; if you have walked far to-day, you must be cold and in +need of something to eat.”</p> + +<p>“Oh no, no, thank you,” returned the visitor; “I ought to be getting +back to Ballochcoil to-night.”</p> + +<p>“To Ballochcoil!” exclaimed mother and daughter in simultaneous dismay. +“But it is nearly seven miles off, and the sun is down. You can’t get +back to-night on foot.”</p> + +<p>“Dear me, can I not? I suppose I forgot all about getting back, in the +interest of the scenery.”</p> + +<p>“What an extraordinary person!” thought Mrs. Fullerton.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel glanced helplessly at Hadria; rising then and looking out +of the window at the dusk, which had come on so rapidly. “Dear me, how +dark it has grown! Still I think I can walk it, or perhaps I can get a +fly at some inn on the way.”</p> + +<p>“Can we offer you a carriage?” asked Mrs. Fullerton.</p> + +<p>“Oh no, thank you; that is quite unnecessary. I have already intruded +far too long; I shall wend my way back, or what might perhaps be better, +I could get a lodging at the farmhouse down the road. I am told that +they put travellers up sometimes.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel hurried off, evidently chilled by Mrs. Fullerton’s freezing +courtesy. Hadria, disregarding her mother’s glance of admonition, +accompanied the visitor to the farm of Craw Gill, having first given +directions to old Maggie to put together a few things that Miss Du Prel +would require for the night. Hadria’s popularity at the farm, secured +her new friend a welcome. Mrs. McEwen was a fine example of the best +type of Scottish character; warm of heart, honest of purpose, and full +of a certain unconscious poetry, and a dignity that lingers still in +districts where the railway whistle is not too often heard. Miss Du Prel +seemed to nestle up to the good woman, as a child to its mother after +some scaring adventure. Mrs. McEwen was recommending a hot water-bottle +and gruel in case of a chill, when Hadria wended her way homeward to +brave her mother’s wrath.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + +<p><span class="dropcap">“I</span> CANNOT make you realize that you are an ignorant girl who knows +nothing of the world, and that it is necessary you should accept my +experience, and condescend to be guided by my wishes. You put me in a +most unpleasant position this afternoon, forcing me to receive a person +whom I have never been introduced to, or heard of——”</p> + +<p>“Valeria Du Prel has been heard of throughout the English-speaking +world,” said Hadria rhetorically.</p> + +<p>“So much the worse,” retorted Mrs. Fullerton. “No nicely brought up +woman is ever heard of outside her own circle.”</p> + +<p>Hadria recalled a similar sentiment among the ancient Greeks, and +thought how hard an old idea dies.</p> + +<p>“She might have been some awful person, some unprincipled adventuress, +and that I believe is what she is. What was she prowling about the back +of our house for, I should like to know?”</p> + +<p>“I suspect she wanted to steal chickens or something,” Hadria was goaded +into suggesting, and the interview ended painfully.</p> + +<p>When Hadria went to Craw Gill, next morning, to enquire for Miss Du +Prel, Mrs. McEwen said that the visitor had breakfasted in bed. The +farmer’s wife also informed Miss Fullerton that the lady had decided to +stay on at Craw Gill, for some time. She had been looking out for a +retreat of the kind.</p> + +<p>“She seems a nice-like body,” said Mrs. McEwen, “and I see no objection +to the arrangement.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s heart beat faster. Could it be possible that Valeria du Prel +was to be a near neighbour? It seemed too good to be true!</p> + +<p>When Miss Du Prel came down in her walking garments, she greeted Hadria +with a certain absence of mind, which smote chill upon the girl’s +eagerness.</p> + +<p>“I wanted to know if you were comfortable, if I could do anything for +you.” Miss Du Prel woke up.</p> + +<p>“Oh no, thank you; you are very kind. I am most comfortable—at +least—it is very strange, but I have lost my keys and my umbrella and +my handbag—I can’t think what I can have done with them. Oh, and my +purse is gone too!”</p> + +<p>Whereupon Mrs. McEwen in dismay, Mr. McEwen (who then appeared), the +maid, and Hadria, hunted high and low for the missing properties, which +were brought to light, one by one, in places where their owner had +already “thoroughly searched,” and about which she had long since +abandoned hope.</p> + +<p>She received them with mingled joy and amazement, and having responded +to Mrs. McEwen’s questions as to what she would like for dinner, she +proposed to Hadria that they should take a walk together.</p> + +<p>Hadria beamed. Miss Du Prel seemed both amused and gratified by her +companion’s worship, and the talk ran on, in a light and pleasant vein, +differing from the talk of the ordinary mortal, Hadria considered, as +champagne differs from ditch-water.</p> + +<p>In recording it for Algitha’s benefit that evening, Hadria found that +she could not reproduce the exhilarating quality, or describe the +influence of Miss Du Prel’s personality. It was as if, literally, a +private and particular atmosphere had encompassed her. She was “alive +all round,” as her disciple asserted.</p> + +<p>Her love of Nature was intense. Hadria had never before realized that +she had been without full sympathy in this direction. She awoke to a +strange retrospective sense of solitude, feeling a new pity for the +eager little child of years ago, who had wandered up to the garret, late +at night, to watch the moonlight spread its white shroud over the hills.</p> + +<p>With every moment spent in the society of Valeria Du Prel, new and +clearer light seemed to Hadria, to be thrown upon all the problems of +existence; not by any means only through what Miss Du Prel directly +said, but by what she implied, by what she took for granted, by what she +omitted to say.</p> + +<p>“It seems like a home-coming from long exile,” Hadria wrote to her +sister. “I have been looking through a sort of mist, or as one looks at +one’s surroundings before quite waking. Now everything stands out sharp +and cut, as objects do in the clear air of the South. Ah me, the South! +Miss Du Prel has spent much of her life there, and my inborn smouldering +passion for it, is set flaming by her descriptions! You remember that +brief little fortnight that we spent with mother and father in Italy? I +seem now to be again under the spell of the languorous airs, the +cloudless blue, the white palaces, the grey olive groves, and the art, +the art! Oh, Algitha, I must go to the South soon, soon, or I shall die +of home sickness! Miss Du Prel says that this is only one side of me +breaking out: that I am northern at heart. I think it is true, but +meanwhile the thought of the South possesses me. I confess I think +mother had some cause to be alarmed when she saw Miss Du Prel, if she +wants to keep us in a chastened mood, at home. It seems as if all of me +were in high carnival. Life is raised to a higher power. I feel nearly +omnipotent. Epics and operas are child’s play to me! It is true I have +produced comparatively few; but, oh, those that are to come! I feel fit +for anything, from pitch-and-toss to manslaughter. I think of the two, I +rather lean to the manslaughter. Oh, I don’t mean it in the facetious +sense! that would be a terrible downfall from my present altitudes. To +such devices the usual wretched girl, who has never drawn rebellious +breath, or listened to the discourses of Valeria Du Prel, has to turn +for a living, or to keep <em>ennui</em> at bay. But <em>I</em>, no, the inimical +sex may possess their souls in peace, as far as I am concerned. They might +retort that they never <em>had</em> felt nervous, but a letter has the same +advantage as the pulpit: the adversary can never get up and contradict.</p> + +<p>“That ridiculous adversary, Harold Wilkins, is staying again at +Drumgarren, and I hear from Mrs. Gordon that he thinks it very strange +that I should see so much of so extraordinary a person as Miss Du Prel! +Opinions differ of course; <em>I</em> think it very strange that the Gordons +should see so much of so ordinary a person as Mr. Wilkins. Everybody +makes much of him here, and, alas! all the girls run after him, and even +fall in love with him; why, I can’t conceive. For if driven by dire +compulsion of fate, to bend one’s thoughts upon <em>some</em> prosaic example +of that prosaic sex, why not choose one of the many far more attractive +candidates available—the Gordons, the McKenzies, and so forth? When I +go to tennis parties with mother—they are still playing upon the +asphalte courts—and see the little dramas that go on, the jealousies +and excitements, and general much-ado-about-nothing, I can scarcely +believe that Miss Du Prel really belongs to the same planet as ours. But +I don’t feel so contemptuous as I did; it is so pitiful. Out of my great +wealth I can afford to be more generous.</p> + +<p>“And when I see those wretched girls fluttering round Mr. Wilkins, I no +longer turn up my ‘aughty nose’ (as old Mrs. Brooks used to say). I only +think to myself, ‘Heavens and earth! what an aching, empty life those +young women must lead, if they are actually reduced for interest and +amusement to the utterances of Mr. Wilkins!’ They would have the pull of +one though, if the utterances of Mr. Wilkins were the only utterances to +be heard! Perish the thought of such beggary!”</p> + +<p>The talks with Valeria Du Prel grew more intimate, and more deeply +interesting to Hadria, every day.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel used often to look at her companion in amazement. “Where +<em>did</em> you come from?” she exclaimed on one occasion. “One would suppose +you had lived several lives; you seem to <em>know</em> things in such a subtle, +intimate fashion!”</p> + +<p>She used to ponder over the problem, wondering what Professor Fortescue +would say to it. There appeared to be more here than mere heredity could +account for. But science had never solved this problem; originality +seemed always to enter upon its career, uncaused and unaccountable. It +was ever a miraculous phenomenon. The Professor had always said so. +Still the heritage was rich enough, in this case. Heredity might have +some discoverable part in the apparent marvel. Each member of the +Fullerton family had unusual ability of some kind. Their knowledge of +science, and their familiarity with the problems of philosophy, had +often astonished Miss Du Prel. Hadria’s accounts of the Preposterous +Society made her laugh and exclaim at the same moment. She gave an +envious sigh at the picture of the eager little group, with their warmth +of affection for one another, and their vivid interests. Miss Du Prel, +with all her sadness, was youthful in spirit. Hadria found her far +younger than many girls of her own age. This set her thinking. She +observed how rigid most people become in a few years, and how the +personality grows wooden, in the daily repetition of the same actions +and the same ideas. This stiffening process had been attributed to the +malice of Time; but now Hadria began to believe that narrow and +ungenerous thought lay at the root of the calamity. The entire life of +the little world in which she had grown up, on all its sides, in all its +ideals and sentiments, stood before her, as if some great painter had +made a picture of it. She had never before been able to stand so +completely apart from the surroundings of her childhood. And she was +able to do so now, not because Miss Du Prel discoursed about it, but +because Hadria’s point of view had shifted sympathetically to the point +of view of her companion, through the instinctive desire to see how +these familiar things would look to alien eyes. That which had seemed +merely prosaic and dreary, became characteristic; the very things which +she had taken most for granted were exactly those which turned out to be +the significant and idiomatic facts.</p> + +<p>These had made permanent inroads into the mind and character. It was +with these that Hadria would have to reckon all her days, under whatever +conditions she might hereafter be placed. Daily surroundings were not +merely pleasant or unpleasant facts, otherwise of no importance; they +were the very material and substance of character; the push and impetus, +or the let and hindrance; the guardians or the assassins of the soul.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">MISS DU PREL had promised to allow Hadria to drive her to Darachanarvan, +a little town on the banks of the river, about seven miles across +country.</p> + +<p>Hadria was in high spirits, as they trundled along the white roads with +the wind in their faces, the hills and the blue sky spread out before +them, the pleasant sound of the wheels and the trotting of the pony +setting their thoughts to rhythm.</p> + +<p>The trees were all shedding their last yellow leaves, and the air was +full of those faded memories of better days, whirling in wild companies +across the road, rushing upward on the breast of some vagabond gust, +drifting, spinning, shuddering along the roadside, to lie there at last, +quiet, among a host of brothers, with little passing tremors, as if +(said Valeria) they were silently sobbing because of their banishment +from their kingdom of the air.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel, though she enjoyed the beauty of the day and the scenery, +seemed sad of mood. “This weather recalls so many autumns,” she said. +“It reminds me too vividly of wonderful days, whose like I shall never +see again, and friends, many of whom are dead, and many lost sight of in +this inexorable coming and going of people and things, this inexorable +change that goes on for ever. I feel as if I should go mad at times, +because it will not stop, either in myself or others.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, that is a dreadful thought!”</p> + +<p>“It comes to me so insistently, perhaps, because of my roving life,” she +said.</p> + +<p>She paused for a moment, and then she fell into one of her exalted +moods, when she seemed to lose consciousness of the ordinary conditions +around her, or rather to pierce deeper into their significance and +beauty. Her speech would, at such times, become rhythmic and +picturesque; she evidently saw vivid images before her, in which her +ideas embodied themselves.</p> + +<p>“Most people who live always in one place see the changes creeping on so +gradually that they scarcely feel them, but with me this universal flux +displays itself pitilessly, I cannot escape. Go where I will, there is +something to measure the changes by. A shoal of yellow leaves whispers +to me of seasons long ago, and the old past days, with their own +intimate character that nothing ever repeats, flash before me again with +the vividness of yesterday; and a flight of birds—ah! if I could +express what they recall! The dead years pass again in a great +procession, a motley company—some like emperors, crowned and richly +dowered, with the sound of trumpets and the tramping of many obsequious +feet; and others like beggars, despoiled and hungry, trudging along a +dusty high road, or like grey pilgrims bound, with bleeding feet, for a +far-off shrine.”</p> + +<p>They entered a little beech-wood, whose leaves made a light of their +own, strange and mystical.</p> + +<p>“Yours must have been a wonderful life!” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Yes, I have seen and felt many things,” answered Miss Du Prel, stirred +by the intoxication of the motion and the wind and the sunlight, “life +has been to me a series of intense emotions, as it will be to you, I +fear——”</p> + +<p>“You fear?” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Yes; for that means suffering. If you feel, you are at the mercy of all +things. Every wind that blows uses you as an Æolian harp.”</p> + +<p>“That must be charming, at least for those who live in your +neighbourhood,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“No; for often the harp rings false. Its strings get loosened; one hangs +slack and jars, and where then is your harmony?”</p> + +<p>“One would run the risk of many things rather than let one’s strings lie +dumb,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“What a dangerous temperament you have!” cried Valeria, looking round at +the glowing face beside her.</p> + +<p>“I must take my risks,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“I doubt if you know what risks there are.”</p> + +<p>“Then I must find out,” she answered.</p> + +<p>“One plays with fire so recklessly before one has been burnt.”</p> + +<p>Hadria was silent. The words sounded ominous.</p> + +<p>“Will can do so much,” she said at length. “Do you believe in the power +of the human will to break the back of circumstance?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, yes; but the effort expended in breaking its back sometimes leaves +one prone, with a victory that arrives ironically too late. However I +don’t wish to discourage you. There is no doubt that human will has +triumphed over everything—but death.”</p> + +<p>Again the sound of the pony’s hoofs sounded through the silence, in a +cheerful trot upon the white roads. They were traversing an open, breezy +country, chequered with wooded hollows, where generally a village sought +shelter from the winds. And these patches of foliage were golden and red +in the meditative autumn sunshine, which seemed as if it were a little +sad at the thought of parting with the old earth for the coming winter.</p> + +<p>“I think the impossible lesson to learn would be renouncement,” said +Hadria. “I cannot conceive how anyone could say to himself, while he had +longings and life still in him, ‘I will give up this that I might have +learnt; I will stop short here where I might press forward; I will allow +this or that to curtail me and rob me of my possible experience.’”</p> + +<p>“Well, I confess that has been my feeling too, though I admire the +spirit that can renounce.”</p> + +<p>“Admire? Oh, yes, perhaps; though I am not so sure that the submissive +nature has not been too much glorified—in theory. Nobody pays much +attention to it in practice, by the way.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel laughed. “What an observant young woman you are.”</p> + +<p>“Renunciation is always preached to girls, you know,” said +Hadria—“preached to them when as yet they have nothing more than a +rattle and a rag-doll to renounce. And later, when they set about the +business of their life, and resign their liberty, their talents, their +health, their opportunity, their beauty (if they have it), then people +gradually fall away from the despoiled and obedient being, and flock +round the still unchastened creature who retains what the gods have +given her, and asks for more.”</p> + +<p>“I fear you are indeed a still unchastened creature!”</p> + +<p>“Certainly; there is no encouragement to chasten oneself. People don’t +stand by the docile members of Society. They commend their saints, but +they drink to their sinners.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel smiled.</p> + +<p>“It is true,” she admitted. “A woman must not renounce too much if she +desires to retain her influence.”</p> + +<p>“<em>Pas trop de zèle</em>,” Hadria quoted.</p> + +<p>“There is something truly unmanageable about you, my dear!” cried +Valeria, much amused. “Well, I too have had just that sort of instinct, +just that imperious demand, just that impatience of restraint. I too +regarded myself and my powers as mine to use as I would, responsible +only to my own conscience. I decided to have freedom though the heavens +should fall. I was unfitted by temperament to face the world, but I was +equally unfitted to pay the price for protection—the blackmail that +society levies on a woman: surrender of body and of soul. What could one +expect, in such a case, but disaster? I often envy now the simple-minded +woman who pays her price and has her reward—such as it is.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! such as it is!” echoed Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Who was it said, the other day, that she thought a wise woman always +took things as they were, and made the best of them?”</p> + +<p>“Some dull spirit.”</p> + +<p>“And yet a practical spirit.”</p> + +<p>“I am quite sure,” said Hadria, “that the stokers of hell are practical +spirits.”</p> + +<p>“Your mother must have had her work cut out for her when she undertook +to bring you up,” exclaimed Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“So she always insinuates,” replied Hadria demurely.</p> + +<p>They were spinning down hill now, into a warm bit of country watered by +the river, and Hadria drew rein. The spot was so pleasant that they +alighted, tied the pony to a tree, and wandered over the grass to the +river’s edge. Hadria picked her way from stone to slippery stone, into +the middle of the river, where there was comparatively safe standing +room. Here she was suddenly inspired to execute the steps of a reel, +while Valeria stood dismayed on the bank, expecting every moment, to see +the dance end in the realms of the trout.</p> + +<p>But Hadria kept her footing, and continued to step it with much +solemnity. Meanwhile, two young men on horseback were coming down the +road; but as a group of trees hid it from the river at this point, they +were not noticed. The horsemen stopped suddenly when they cleared the +group of trees. The figure of a young woman in mid-stream, dancing a +reel with extreme energy and correctness, and without a smile, was +sufficiently surprising to arrest them.</p> + +<p>“As I thought,” exclaimed Hadria, “it is Harold Wilkins!”</p> + +<p>“I shall be glad to see this conquering hero,” said Valeria.</p> + +<p>Hadria, who had known the young man since her childhood, waited calmly +as he turned his horse’s head towards the river, and advanced across the +grass, raising his hat. “Good morning, Miss Fullerton.”</p> + +<p>“Good morning,” Hadria returned, from her rock.</p> + +<p>“You seem to be having rather an agreeable time of it.”</p> + +<p>“Very. Are you fond of dancing?”</p> + +<p>Mr. Wilkins was noted, far and wide, for his dancing, and the question +was wounding.</p> + +<p>He was tall and loosely built, with brown expressionless eyes, dark hair, +a pink complexion, shelving forehead, and a weak yet obstinate mouth. His +companion also was tall and dark, but his face was pale, his forehead broad +and high, and a black moustache covered his upper lip. He had raised his +hat gracefully on finding that the dancer in mid-stream was an acquaintance +of his companion, and he shewed great self-possession in appearing to regard +the dancing of reels in these circumstances, as an incident that might +naturally be expected. Not a sign of surprise betrayed itself in the face, +not even a glimmer of curiosity. Hadria was so tickled by this finished +behaviour under difficulties, that she took her cue from it, and decided to +treat the matter in the same polished spirit. She too would take it all +decorously for granted.</p> + +<p>Mr. Wilkins introduced his friend: Mr. Hubert Temperley. Hadria bowed +gracefully in reply to Mr. Temperley’s salute.</p> + +<p>“Don’t you feel a little cramped out there?” asked Mr. Wilkins.</p> + +<p>“Dear me, no,” cried Hadria in mock surprise. “What could induce you to +suppose I would come out here if I felt cramped?”</p> + +<p>“Are you—are you thinking of coming on shore? Can I help you?”</p> + +<p>“Thank you,” replied Hadria. “This is a merely temporary resting-place. +We ought to be getting on; we have some miles yet to drive,” and she +hurried her friend away. They were conducted to the pony-cart by the +cavaliers, who raised their hats, as the ladies drove off at a merry +pace, bowing their farewells.</p> + +<p>“The eternal riddle!” Temperley exclaimed, as they turned the corner of +the road.</p> + +<p>“What is the eternal riddle?” Harold Wilkins enquired.</p> + +<p>“Woman, woman!” Temperley replied, a little impatiently. He had not +found young Wilkins quick to catch his meaning during the two hours’ +ride, and it occurred to him that Miss Fullerton would have been a more +interesting companion.</p> + +<p>He made a good many enquiries about her and her family, on the way back +to Drumgarren.</p> + +<p>“We are invited to tennis at their house, for next Tuesday,” said Harold, +“so you will have a chance of pursuing the acquaintance. For my part, I +don’t admire that sort of girl.”</p> + +<p>“Don’t you? I am attracted by originality. I like a woman to have +something in her.”</p> + +<p>“Depends on what it is. I hate a girl to have a lot of silly ideas.”</p> + +<p>“Perhaps you prefer her to have but one,” said Temperley, “that one +being that Mr. Harold Wilkins is a charming fellow.”</p> + +<p>“Nothing of the kind,” cried Harold. “I can’t help it if girls run after +me; it’s a great bore.”</p> + +<p>Temperley laughed. “You, like Achilles, are pursued by ten thousand +girls. I deeply sympathize, though it is not an inconvenience that has +troubled me, even in my palmiest days.”</p> + +<p>“Why, how old are you? Surely you are not going to talk as if those days +were over?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, I am moderately palmy still!” Temperley admitted. “Still, the hour +approaches when the assaults of time will become more disastrous.”</p> + +<p>“You and Hadria Fullerton ought to get on well together, for she is very +musical,” said Harold Wilkins.</p> + +<p>“Ah!” cried Temperley with new interest. “I could have almost told that +from her face. Does she play well?”</p> + +<p>“Well, I suppose so. She plays things without any tune that bore one to +death, but I daresay you would admire it. She composes too, I am told.”</p> + +<p>“Really? Dear me, I must make a point of having a talk with her, on the +earliest opportunity.”</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, the occupants of the pony-cart had arrived at Darachanarvan, +where they were to put up the pony and have luncheon. It was a prosaic +little Scottish town, with only a beautiful survival, here and there, +from the past.</p> + +<p>After luncheon, they wandered down to the banks of the river, and +watched the trout and the running water. Hadria had long been wishing +to find out what her oracle thought about certain burning questions on +which the sisters held such strong, and such unpopular sentiments, but +just because the feeling was so keen, it was difficult to broach the +subject.</p> + +<p>An opportunity came when Miss Du Prel spoke of her past. Hadria was able +to read between the lines. When a mere girl, Miss Du Prel had been +thrown on the world—brilliant, handsome, impulsive, generous—to pass +through a fiery ordeal, and to emerge with aspirations as high as ever, +but with her radiant hopes burnt out. But she did not dwell on this side +of the picture; she emphasized rather, the possibility of holding on +through storm and stress to the truth that is born in one; to belief in +“the noblest and wildest hopes (if you like to call them so) that ever +thrilled generous hearts.”</p> + +<p>But she gave no encouragement to certain of her companion’s most +vehement sentiments. She seemed to yearn for exactly that side of life +from which the younger shrank with so much horror. She saw it under an +entirely different aspect. Hadria felt thrown back on herself, lonely +once more.</p> + +<p>“You have seen Mrs. Gordon,” she said at length, “what do you think of +her?”</p> + +<p>“Nothing; she does not inspire thought.”</p> + +<p>“Yet once she was a person, not a thing.”</p> + +<p>“If a woman can’t keep her head above water in Mrs. Gordon’s position, +she must be a feeble sort of person.”</p> + +<p>“I should not dare to say that, until I had been put through the mill +myself, and come out unpulverised.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel failed to see what there was so very dreadful in Mrs. +Gordon’s lot. She had, perhaps, rather more children than was necessary, +but otherwise——</p> + +<p>“Oh, Miss Du Prel,” cried Hadria, “you might be a mere man! That is just +what my brothers say.”</p> + +<p>“I don’t understand what you mean,” said Miss Du Prel. “Do explain.”</p> + +<p>“Do you actually—<em>you</em> of all people—not recognize and hate the idea +that lies so obviously at the root of all the life that is swarming +round us——?”</p> + +<p>Valeria studied her companion’s excited face.</p> + +<p>“Are you in revolt against the very basis of existence?” she asked +curiously.</p> + +<p>“No: at least ... but this is not what I am driving at exactly,” replied +Hadria, turning uneasily away from the close scrutiny. “Don’t you +know—oh, don’t you see—how many women secretly hate, and shrink from +this brutal domestic idea that fashions their fate for them?”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel’s interest quickened.</p> + +<p>“Nothing strikes me so much as the tamely acquiescent spirit of the +average woman, and I doubt if you would find another woman in England +to describe the domestic existence as you do.”</p> + +<p>“Perhaps not; tradition prevents them from using bad language, but they +<em>feel</em>, they <em>feel</em>.”</p> + +<p>“Young girls perhaps, brought up very ignorantly, find life a little +scaring at first, but they soon settle down into happy wives and +mothers.”</p> + +<p>“As the fibre grows coarser,” assented Hadria.</p> + +<p>“No; as the affections awaken, and the instincts that hold society +together, come into play. I have revolted myself from the conditions of +life, but it is a hopeless business—beating one’s wings against the +bars.”</p> + +<p>“The bars are, half of them, of human construction,” said Hadria, “and +against <em>those</em> one may surely be allowed to beat.”</p> + +<p>“Of human construction?”</p> + +<p>“I mean that prejudice, rather than instinct, has built up the system +that Mrs. Gordon so amiably represents.”</p> + +<p>“Prejudice has perhaps taken advantage of instinct to establish a +somewhat tyrannical tradition,” Miss Du Prel admitted, “but instinct is +at the bottom of it. There is, of course, in our society, no latitude +for variety of type; that is the fault of so many institutions.”</p> + +<p>“The ordinary domestic idea may have been suitable when women were +emerging from the condition of simple animals,” said Hadria, “but now it +seems to me to be out of date.”</p> + +<p>“It can never be entirely out of date, dear Hadria. Nature has asked of +women a great and hard service, but she has given them the maternal +instinct and its joys, in compensation for the burden of this task, +which would otherwise be intolerable and impossible. It can only be +undertaken at the instigation of some stupendous impetus, that blinds +the victim to the nature of her mission. It must be a sort of obsession; +an intense personal instinct, amounting to madness. Nature, being +determined to be well served in this direction, has supplied the +necessary monomania, and the domestic idea, as you call it, grows up +round this central fact.”</p> + +<p>Hadria moved restlessly to and fro by the river bank. “One presumes to +look upon oneself, at first—in one’s earliest youth,” she said, “as +undoubtedly human, with human needs and rights and dignities. But this +turns out to be an illusion. It is as an <em>animal</em> that one has to play +the really important part in life; it is by submitting to the demands of +society, in this respect, that one wins rewards and commendation. Of +course, if one likes to throw in a few ornamental extras, so much the +better; it keeps up appearances and the aspect of refined sentiment—but +the main point——”</p> + +<p>“You <em>are</em> extravagant!” cried Miss Du Prel. “That is not the right way +to look at it.”</p> + +<p>“It is certainly not the convenient way to look at it. It is doubtless +wise to weave as many garlands as you can, to deck yourself for the +sacrifice. By that means, you don’t quite see which way you are going, +because of the masses of elegant vegetation.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! Hadria, you exaggerate, you distort; you forget so many +things—the sentiments, the affections, the thousand details that hallow +that crude foundation which you see only bare and unsoftened.”</p> + +<p>“A repulsive object tastefully decorated, is to me only the more +repulsive,” returned Hadria, with suppressed passion.</p> + +<p>“There will come a day when you will feel very differently,” prophesied +Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“Perhaps. Why should I, more than the others, remain uninfluenced by the +usual processes of blunting, and grinding down, and stupefying, till one +grows accustomed to one’s function, one’s <em>intolerable</em> function?”</p> + +<p>“My dear, my dear!”</p> + +<p>“I am sorry if I shock you, but that is how I feel. I have seen this +sort of traditional existence and nothing else, all my life, and I have +been brought up to it, with the rest—prepared and decked out like some +animal for market—all in the most refined and graceful manner possible; +but how can one help seeing through the disguise; how can one be blind +to the real nature of the transaction, and to the fate that awaits +one—awaits one as inexorably as death, unless by some force of one’s +own, with all the world—friends and enemies—in opposition, one can +avert it?”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel remained silent.</p> + +<p>“You <em>can</em> avert it,” she said at last; “but at what cost?”</p> + +<p>“Miss Du Prel, I would rather sweep a crossing, I would rather beg in +the streets, than submit to the indignity of such a life!”</p> + +<p>“Then what do you intend to do instead?”</p> + +<p>“Ah! there’s the difficulty. What <em>can</em> one do instead, without breaking +somebody’s heart? Nothing, except breaking one’s own. And even putting +that difficulty aside, it seems as if everyone’s hand were against a +woman who refuses the path that has been marked out for her.”</p> + +<p>“No, no, it is not so bad as that. There are many openings now for +women.”</p> + +<p>“But,” said Hadria, “as far as I can gather, ordinary ability is not +sufficient to enable them to make a scanty living. The talent that would +take a man to the top of the tree is required to keep a woman in a +meagre supply of bread and butter.”</p> + +<p>“Allowing for exaggeration, that is more or less the case,” Miss Du Prel +admitted.</p> + +<p>“I have revolted against the common lot,” she went on after a pause, +“and you see what comes of it; I am alone in the world. One does not +think of that when one is quite young.”</p> + +<p>“Would you rather be in Mrs. Gordon’s position than in your own?”</p> + +<p>“I doubt not that she is happier.”</p> + +<p>“But would you change with her, surrendering all that she has +surrendered?”</p> + +<p>“Yes, if I were of her temperament.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! you always evade the question. Remaining yourself, would you change +with her?”</p> + +<p>“I would never have allowed my life to grow like hers.”</p> + +<p>“No,” said Hadria, laughing, “you would probably have run away or killed +yourself or somebody, long before this.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel could not honestly deny this possibility. After a pause she +said:</p> + +<p>“A woman cannot afford to despise the dictates of Nature. She may escape +certain troubles in that way; but Nature is not to be cheated, she makes +her victim pay her debt in another fashion. There is no escape. The +centuries are behind one, with all their weight of heredity and habit; +the order of society adds its pressure—one’s own emotional needs. Ah, +no! it does not answer to pit oneself against one’s race, to bid +defiance to the fundamental laws of life.”</p> + +<p>“Such then are the alternatives,” said Hadria, moving close to the +river’s brink, and casting two big stones into the current. “There stand +the devil and the deep sea.”</p> + +<p>“You are too young to have come to that sad conclusion,” said Miss Du +Prel.</p> + +<p>“But I haven’t,” cried Hadria. “I still believe in revolt.”</p> + +<p>The other shook her head.</p> + +<p>“And what about love? Are you going through life without the one thing +that makes it bearable?”</p> + +<p>“I would not purchase it at such a cost. If I can’t have it without +despoiling myself of everything that is worth possessing, I prefer to go +without.”</p> + +<p>“You don’t know what you say!” exclaimed Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“But why? Love would be ruined and desecrated. I understand by it a +sympathy so perfect, and a reverence so complete, that the conditions of +ordinary domestic existence would be impossible, unthinkable, in +connection with it.”</p> + +<p>“So do I understand love. But it comes, perhaps, once in a century, and +if one is too fastidious, it passes by and leaves one forlorn; at best, +it comes only to open the gates of Paradise, for a moment, and to close +them again, and leave one in outer darkness.”</p> + +<p>“Always?”</p> + +<p>“I believe always,” answered Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>The running of the river sounded peacefully in the pause that followed.</p> + +<p>“Well,” cried Hadria at length, raising her head with a long sigh, “one +cannot do better than follow one’s own instinct and thought of the +moment. Regret may come, do what one may. One cannot escape from one’s +own temperament.”</p> + +<p>“One can modify it.”</p> + +<p>“I cannot even wish to modify mine, so that I should become amenable to +these social demands. I stand in hopeless opposition to the scheme of +life that I have grown up amongst, to the universal scheme of life +indeed, as understood by the world up to this day. Audacious, is it +not?”</p> + +<p>“I like audacity,” returned Miss Du Prel. “As I understand you, you +require an altogether new dispensation!”</p> + +<p>Hadria gave a half smile, conscious of her stupendous demand. Then she +said, with a peculiar movement of the head, as if throwing off a heavy +weight, and looking before her steadily: “Yes, I require a new +dispensation.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">HUBERT TEMPERLEY made a point of going to the tennis-party, on Tuesday, +at Dunaghee, in order to talk to Miss Fullerton. He had not expected to +find original musical talent in this out-of-the-way place.</p> + +<p>Hadria was in a happy mood, for her mother had so far overcome her +prejudice against Miss Du Prel, as to ask her to join the party.</p> + +<p>The festivity had, therefore, lost its usual quality of melancholy.</p> + +<p>It was a warm afternoon, and every one seemed cheerful “and almost +intelligent,” Hadria commented. The first words that Mr. Temperley +uttered, made her turn to him, in surprise. She was so unaccustomed to +be interested in what the people about here had to say. Even intelligent +visitors usually adopted the tone of the inhabitants. Hubert Temperley’s +manner was very polished. His accent denoted mental cultivation. He +spoke with eloquence of literature, and praised enthusiastically most +great names dating securely from the hallowed past. Of modern literature +he was a stern critic; of music he spoke with ardour.</p> + +<p>“I hear that you not only perform but compose, Miss Fullerton,” he said. +“As soon as I heard that, I felt that I must make your acquaintance. My +friends, the Gordons, are very charming, but they don’t understand a +note of music, and I am badly off for a kindred spirit.”</p> + +<p>“My composing is a very mild affair,” Hadria answered. “I suppose you +are more fortunate.”</p> + +<p>“Not much. I am pretty busy you see. I have my profession. I play a +good deal—the piano and the <em>’cello</em> are my instruments. But my +difficulty is to find someone to accompany me. My sister does when she +can, but of course with a house and family to look after——I am +sometimes selfish enough to wish she had not married. We used to be such +good friends.”</p> + +<p>“Is that all over?”</p> + +<p>“It is different. She always manages to be busy now,” said Temperley in +a slightly ironical tone.</p> + +<p>He plunged once more, into a musical discussion.</p> + +<p>Hadria had reluctantly to cut it short, in order to arrange +tennis-matches. This task was performed as usual, somewhat recklessly. +Polite and amiable in indiscriminate fashion, Hadria ignored the secret +jealousies and heart-burnings of the neighbourhood, only to recognise +and repent her mistakes when too late. To-day she was even more +unchastened than usual in her dealings with inflammable social material.</p> + +<p>“Hadria!” cried Mrs. Fullerton, taking her aside, “How <em>could</em> you ask +Cecilia Gordon to play with young McKenzie? You <em>know</em> their families +are not on speaking terms!”</p> + +<p>Everyone, except the culprit, had remarked the haughty manner in which +Cecilia wielded her racket, and the gloomy silence in which the set was +played.</p> + +<p>Hadria, though not impenitent, laughed. “How does Miss Gordon manage to +be energetic and chilling at the same time!” she exclaimed.</p> + +<p>The Gordons and the McKenzies, like hostile armies, looked on grimly. +Everyone felt awkward, and to feel awkward was nothing less than tragic, +in the eyes of the assembly.</p> + +<p>“Oh, Hadria, how <em>could</em> you?” cried Mrs. Gordon, coming up in her +elaborate toilette, which expressed almost as much of the character of +its wearer as was indicated by her thin, chattering tones, and +unreposeful manner. Her mode of dress was rich and florid—very obvious +in its effects, very <em>naïf</em>. She was built on a large scale, and might +have been graceful, had not her mental constitution refused to permit, +or to inspire, that which physical construction seemed to intend. She +distributed smiles on all hands, of no particular meaning. Though still +a young woman, she looked worn and wearied. However, her <em>rôle</em> was +cheerfulness, and she smiled on industriously.</p> + +<p>“I am so sorry,” said Hadria, “the quarrel went clean out of my head. +They are so well matched. But your sister-in-law will never forgive me.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, well, never mind, my dear; it is your way, I know. Only of course +it is awkward.”</p> + +<p>“What can be done? Shall I run in and separate them?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, Hadria, you <em>are</em> ridiculous!”</p> + +<p>“I was not meant for society,” she said, in a depressed tone.</p> + +<p>“Oh, you will soon get into the way of it,” cried Mrs. Gordon +encouragingly.</p> + +<p>“I am afraid I shall.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Gordon stared. “Mr. Temperley, I can never make out what Miss +Fullerton really means. Do see if you can.”</p> + +<p>“How could I expect to succeed where you have failed?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, you men are so much cleverer than we poor women,” cried the lady +archly. Temperley was obviously of the same opinion. But he found some +appropriate Chesterfieldian reply, while Hadria, to his annoyance, +hurried off to her duties, full of good resolutions.</p> + +<p>Having introduced a couple of sisters to their brother, she grew +desperate. A set had just ended, and the sisters were asked to play. +This time, no mistake had been made in the selection of partners, so far +as the question of sentiment was concerned, but they were fatally +ill-assorted as to strength. However, Hadria said with a sigh, if their +emotions were satisfied, it was really all they could expect. +Considering the number of family feuds, she did not see her way to +arranging both points, to everyone’s satisfaction.</p> + +<p>Hadria was surrounded by a small group, among whom were Temperley, +Harold Wilkins, and Mr. Hawkesley, the brother who had been introduced +to his sisters.</p> + +<p>“How very handsome Hadria is looking this afternoon,” said Mrs. Gordon, +“and how becoming that dark green gown is.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Fullerton smiled. “Yes, she does look her best to-day. I think she +has been improving, of late, in her looks.”</p> + +<p>“That’s just what we have all noticed. There is so much animation in her +face; she is such a sweet girl.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel, who was not of the stuff that martyrs are made of, +muttered something incoherent and deserted her neighbour. She came up to +the group that had gathered round Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Ah, Miss Du Prel,” cried the latter, “I am so glad to see you at large +again. I was afraid you were getting bored.”</p> + +<p>“I was,” said Miss Du Prel frankly, “so I came away.”</p> + +<p>The young men laughed. “If only everybody could go away when he was +bored,” cried Hadria, “how peaceful it would be, and what small +tennis-parties one would have!”</p> + +<p>“Always excepting tennis-parties at <em>this</em> house,” said Hubert +Temperley.</p> + +<p>“I don’t think any house would survive,” said Miss Du Prel. “If people +do not meet to exchange ideas, I can’t see the object of their meeting +at all.”</p> + +<p>“What a revolutionary sentiment!” cried Temperley, laughing. “Where +would society be, on that principle?”</p> + +<p>Hadria was called away, at that moment, and the group politely wavered +between duty and inclination. Temperley and Miss Du Prel strolled off +together, his vast height bent deferentially towards her. This air of +deference proved somewhat superficial. Miss Du Prel found that his +opinions were of an immovable order, with very defined edges. In some +indescribable fashion, those opinions partook of the general elegance of +his being. Not for worlds would he have harboured an exaggerated or +immoderate idea. In politics he was conservative, but he did not abuse +his opponents. He smiled at them; he saw no reason for supposing that +they did not mean quite as well as he did, possibly better. What he +<em>did</em> see reason to doubt, was their judgment. His tolerance was urbane +and superior. On all questions, however, whether he knew much about them +or little, his judgment was final and absolute. He swept away whole +systems of thought that had shaken the world, with a confident phrase. +Miss Du Prel looked at him with increasing amazement. He seemed +unaccustomed to opposition.</p> + +<p>“A vast deal of nonsense is talked in the name of philosophy,” he +observed, in a tone of gay self-confidence peculiar to him, and more +indicative of character than even what he said. “People seem to think +that they have only to quote Spencer or Huxley, or take an interest in +heredity, to justify themselves in throwing off all the trammels, as +they would regard them, of duty and common sense.”</p> + +<p>“I have not observed that tendency,” said Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“Really. I regret to say that I notice everywhere a disposition to evade +responsibilities which, in former days, would have been honestly and +contentedly accepted.”</p> + +<p>“Our standards are all changing,” said Miss Du Prel. “It does not follow +that they are changing for the worse.”</p> + +<p>“It seems to me that they are not so much changing, as disappearing +altogether,” said Temperley cheerfully, “especially among women. We hear +a great deal about rights, but we hear nothing about duties.”</p> + +<p>“We are perhaps, a little tired of hearing about duties,” said Miss Du +Prel.</p> + +<p>“You admit then what I say,” he returned placidly. “Every woman wants to +be Mary, and no one will be Martha.”</p> + +<p>“I make just the opposite complaint,” cried Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“Dear me, quite a different way of looking at it. I confess I have scant +patience with these interfering women, who want to turn everything +upside down, instead of quietly minding their duties at home.”</p> + +<p>“I know it is difficult to make people understand,” said Miss Du Prel, +with malice.</p> + +<p>“I should esteem it a favour to be enlightened,” returned Temperley.</p> + +<p>“You were just now condemning socialism, Mr. Temperley, because you say +that it attempts to ignore the principle of the division of labour. Now, +when you lose patience with the few women who are refusing to be +Marthas, you ignore that principle yourself. You want all women to do +exactly the same sort of work, irrespective of their ability or their +bent of mind. May I ask why?”</p> + +<p>“Because I consider that is the kind of work for which they are best +fitted,” replied Temperley serenely.</p> + +<p>“Then <em>you</em> are to be judge and jury in the case; <em>your</em> opinion, +not theirs, is to decide the matter. Supposing <em>I</em> were to take upon +myself to judge what <em>you</em> were best fitted for, and were to claim, +therefore, to decide for you what sort of life you should live, and what +sort of work you should undertake——?”</p> + +<p>“I should feel every confidence in resigning myself to your able judgment,” +said Temperley, with a low bow. Miss Du Prel laughed.</p> + +<p>“Ah,” she said, “you are at present, on the conquering side, and can afford +to jest on the subject.”</p> + +<p>“It is no joke to jest with an able woman,” he returned. “Seriously, I +have considerable sympathy with your view, and no wish to treat it +flippantly. But if I am to treat it seriously, I must admit frankly that +I think you forget that, after all, <em>Nature</em> has something to say in +this matter.”</p> + +<p>Engrossed in their conversation, they had, without thinking what they +were doing, passed through the open gate at the end of the avenue, and +walked on along the high road.</p> + +<p>Swarms of small birds flew out of the hedges, with a whirring sound, to +settle further on, while an incessant chatter was kept up on each side.</p> + +<p>“I often think that modern women might take example from these little +creatures,” said Temperley, who, in common with many self-sufficient +persons, was fond of recommending humility to others. “<em>They</em> never +attempt to shirk their lowly tasks on the plea of higher vocations. Not +one turns from the path marked out by our great Mother, who also teaches +her human children the same lesson of patient duty; but, alas! by them +is less faithfully obeyed.”</p> + +<p>“If our great Mother wanted instinct she should not have bestowed +reason,” said Miss Du Prel impatiently.</p> + +<p>Temperley had fallen into the dulcet strains of one who feels, not only +that he stands as the champion of true wisdom and virtue, but that he is +sure of support from the vast majority of his fellows. Miss Du Prel’s +brusqueness seemed to suit her less admirable <em>rôle</em>.</p> + +<p>Temperley was tolerant and regretful. If Miss Du Prel would think for a +moment, she could not fail to see that Nature ... and so forth, in the +same strain of “pious devotion to other people’s duties” as his +companion afterwards described it. She chafed at the exhortation to +“think for a moment.”</p> + +<p>At that instant, the solitude was broken by the apparition of a dusty +wayfarer in knickerbockers and soft felt hat, coming towards them up the +road. He was a man of middle height and rather slim. He appeared about +five-and-thirty years of age. He had fair hair, and a strange, whimsical +face, irregular of feature, with a small moustache covering the upper +lip.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel looked startled, as she caught sight of the travel-stained +figure. She flushed deeply, and her expression changed to one of +bewilderment and uncertainty, then to one of incredulous joy. She +hastened forward, at length, and arrested the wayfarer.</p> + +<p>“Professor Fortescue, don’t you remember me?” she cried excitedly.</p> + +<p>He gazed at her for a second, and then a look of amazement came into his +kind eyes, as he held out his hand.</p> + +<p>“Miss Du Prel! This is incredible!”</p> + +<p>They stood, with hand locked in hand, staring at one another. “By what +happy misunderstanding am I thus favoured by the gods?” exclaimed the +Professor.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel explained her presence.</p> + +<p>“Prodigious!” cried Professor Fortescue. “Fate must have some strange +plots in the making, unless indeed we fall to the discouraging +supposition that she deigns to jest.”</p> + +<p>He said that he was on a walking tour, studying the geology of the +district, and that he had written to announce his coming to his old +friends, Mr. and Mrs. Fullerton, and to ask them to put him up. He +supposed that they were expecting him.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel was greatly excited. It was so long since they had met, and +it was so delightful to meet again. She had a hundred enquiries to make +about common friends, and about the Professor’s own doings.</p> + +<p>She forgot Temperley’s name, and her introduction was vague. The +Professor held out his hand cordially. Temperley was not allowed to feel +an intrusive third. This was in consequence of the new-comer’s +kindliness of manner, and not at all because of Miss Du Prel, who had +forgotten Temperley’s elegant existence. She had a look of surprise when +he joined in the conversation.</p> + +<p>“I can scarcely believe that it is ten years since I was here,” cried +the Professor, pausing to look over a gate at the stretch of country.</p> + +<p>“I used to visit my friends at Dunaghee every autumn, and now if some +one were to assure me that I had been to sleep and dreamt a ten years’ +dream, I should be disposed to credit it. Every detail the same; the +very cattle, the very birds—surely just those identical sparrows used +to fly before me along the hedgerows, in the good old times, ten years +ago! Ah! yes, it is only the human element that changes.”</p> + +<p>“One is often so thankful for a change in that,” Temperley remarked, +with an urbane sort of cynicism.</p> + +<p>“True,” said Miss Du Prel; “but what is so discouraging is that so often +the charm goes, like the bloom of a peach, and only the qualities that +one regrets remain and prosper.”</p> + +<p>“I think people improve with time, as often as they fall off,” said the +Professor.</p> + +<p>The others shook their heads.</p> + +<p>“To him that hath shall be given, but to him that hath not——” The +Professor smiled a little sadly, in quoting the significant words. +“Well, well,” he said, turning to Miss Du Prel, “I can’t say how happy I +am to see you again. I have not yet got over my surprise. And so you +have made the acquaintance of the family at Dunaghee. I have the warmest +respect and affection for those dear folks. Mrs. Fullerton has the +qualities of a heroine, kind hostess as she is! And of what fine +Scottish stuff the old man is made—and a mind like crystal! What +arguments we used to have in that old study of his! I can see him now. +And how genial! A man could never forget it, who had once received his +welcome.”</p> + +<p>Such was Miss Du Prel’s impression, when ten minutes later the meeting +took place between the Professor and his old friend.</p> + +<p>It would indeed have been hard to be anything but genial to the +Professor. Hadria remembered him and his kindness to her and the rest of +the children, in the old days; the stories he used to tell when he took +them for walks, stories full of natural lore more marvellous than any +fairy tale, though he could tell fairy tales too, by the dozen. He had +seemed to them like some wonderful and benevolent magician, and they +adored him, one and all. And what friends he used to be with Ruffian, +the brown retriever, and with every living creature on the place!</p> + +<p>The tennis-party began to break up, shortly after the Professor’s +arrival. Temperley lingered to the last.</p> + +<p>“Is that a son of the celebrated Judge Temperley?” asked one of the +bystanders.</p> + +<p>“His eldest son,” answered Mr. Gordon; “a man who ought to make his +mark, for he has splendid chances and good ability.”</p> + +<p>“I have scarcely had a word with you, the whole afternoon,” Temperley +said to Hadria, who had sunk upon a seat, tired with making herself +agreeable, as she observed.</p> + +<p>“That is very sad; but when one has social gatherings, one never does +have a word with anybody. I think that must be the object of them—to +accustom people to do without human sympathy.”</p> + +<p>Temperley tried to start a conversation, taking a place beside her, on +the seat, and setting himself to draw her out. It was obvious that he +found her interesting, either as a study or in a less impersonal sense. +Hadria, feeling that her character was being analysed, did what many +people do without realizing it: she instinctively arranged its lights +and shades with a view to artistic effect. It was not till late that +night, when the events of the day passed before her in procession, that +she recognized what she had done, and laughed at herself. She had not +attempted to appear in a better light than she deserved; quite as often +as not, she submitted to appear in a worse light; her effort had been to +satisfy some innate sense of proportion or form. The instinct puzzled +her.</p> + +<p>Also she became aware that she was interested in Hubert Temperley. Or +was it that she was interested in his interest in her? She could not be +certain. She thought it was direct interest. She felt eager to know more +of him; above all, to hear him play.</p> + +<p>On returning to the house, after Temperley had, at last, felt compelled +to depart, Hadria found her father and mother and their guest, gathered +together before the cheery fire in the study. Hearing his daughter’s +step, her father opened the door and called her in. Till now, the +Professor had not seen her, having been hurried into the house, to +change his clothes and have something to eat.</p> + +<p>As she entered, rather shyly, he rose and gave a gasp of astonishment.</p> + +<p>“You mean to tell me that this is the little girl who used to take me +for walks, and who had such an inordinate appetite for stories! Good +heavens, it is incredible!”</p> + +<p>He held out a thin, finely-formed hand, with a kind smile.</p> + +<p>“They change so much at that age, in a short time,” said Mrs. Fullerton, +with a glance of pride; for her daughter was looking brilliantly +handsome, as she stood before them, with flushed cheeks and a soft +expression, which the mere tones of the Professor’s voice had power to +summon in most human faces. He looked at her thoughtfully, and then +rousing himself, he brought up a chair for her, and the group settled +again before the fire.</p> + +<p>“Do you know,” said the Professor, “I was turning into a French +sweet-shop the other day, to buy my usual tribute for the children, when +I suddenly remembered that they would no longer be children, and had to +march out again, crestfallen, musing on the march of time and the +mutability of things human—especially children.”</p> + +<p>“It’s ridiculous,” cried Mr. Fullerton. “I am always lecturing them +about it, but they go on growing just the same.”</p> + +<p>“And how they make you feel an old fogey before you know where you are! +And I thought I was quite a gay young fellow, upon my word!”</p> + +<p>“You, my dear Chantrey! why you’d be a gay young fellow at ninety!” said +Mr. Fullerton.</p> + +<p>The Professor laughed and shook his head.</p> + +<p>“And so this is really my little playfellow!” he exclaimed, nodding +meditatively. “I remember her so well; a queer, fantastic little being +in those days, with hair like a black cloud, and eyes that seemed to +peer out of the cloud, with a perfect passion of enquiry. She used to +bewilder me, I remember, with her strange, wise little sayings! I always +prophesied great things from her! Ernest, too, I remember: a fine little +chap with curly, dark hair—rather like a young Italian, but with +features less broadly cast; drawn together and calmed by his northern +blood. Yes, yes; it seems but yesterday,” he said, with a smile and a +sigh; “and now my little Italian is at college, with a bored manner and +a high collar.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, no; Ernest’s a dear boy still,” cried Hadria. “Oxford hasn’t spoilt +him a bit. I do wish he was at home for you to see him.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! you mustn’t hint at anything against Ernest in Hadria’s presence!” +cried Mr. Fullerton, with an approving laugh.</p> + +<p>“Not for the world!” rejoined the Professor. “I was only recalling one +or two of my young Oxford acquaintances. I might have known that a +Fullerton had too much stuff in him to make an idiot of himself in that +way.”</p> + +<p>“The boy has distinguished himself too,” said Mr. Fullerton.</p> + +<p>“Everyone says he will do splendidly,” added the mother; “and you can’t +think how modest he is about himself, and how anxious to do well, and to +please us by his success.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! that’s good.”</p> + +<p>The Professor was full of sympathy. Hadria was astonished to see how +animated her mother had become under his influence.</p> + +<p>They fell again to recalling old times; little trivial incidents which +had seemed so unimportant at the moment, but now carried a whole epoch +with them, bringing back, with a rush, the genial memories. Hadria +remembered that soon after his last visit, the Professor had married a +beautiful wife, and that about a year or so later, the wife had died. It +was said that she had killed herself. This set Hadria speculating.</p> + +<p>The visitor reminded his companions of various absurd incidents of the +past, sending Mr. Fullerton into paroxysms of laughter that made the +whole party laugh in sympathy. Mrs. Fullerton too was already wiping her +streaming eyes as the Professor talked on in his old vein, with just +that particular little humourous manner of his that won its way so +surely to the hearts of his listeners. For a moment, in the midst of the +bright talk and the mirth that he had created, the Professor lost the +thread, and his face, as he stared into the glowing centre of the fire, +had a desolate look; but it was so quick to pass away that one might +have thought oneself the victim of a fancy. His was the next chuckle, +and “Do you remember that day when——?” and so forth, Mr. Fullerton’s +healthy roar following, avalanche-like, upon the reminiscence.</p> + +<p>“We thought him a good and kind magician when we were children,” was +Hadria’s thought, “and now one is grown up, there is no disillusion. He +is a good and kind magician still.”</p> + +<p>He seemed indeed to have the power to conjure forth from their +hiding-places, the finer qualities of mind and temperament, which had +lain dormant, perhaps for years, buried beneath daily accumulations of +little cares and little habits. The creature that had once looked forth +on the world, fresh and vital, was summoned again, to his own surprise, +with all his ancient laughter and his tears.</p> + +<p>“This man,” Hadria said to herself, drawing a long, relieved breath, “is +the best and the most generous human being I have ever met.”</p> + +<p>She went to sleep, that night, with a sweet sense of rest and security, +and an undefined new hope. If such natures were in existence, then there +must be a great source of goodness and tenderness somewhere in heaven or +earth, and the battle of life must be worth the fighting.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">THE Professor’s presence in the house had a profound influence on the +inmates, one and all. The effect upon his hostess was startling. He drew +forth her intellect, her sense of humour, her starved poetic sense; he +probed down among the dust and rust of years, and rescued triumphantly +the real woman, who was being stifled to death, with her own connivance.</p> + +<p>Hadria was amazed to see how the new-comer might express any idea he +pleased, however heterodox, and her mother only applauded.</p> + +<p>His manner to her was exquisitely courteous. He seemed to understand all +that she had lost in her life, all its disappointments and sacrifices.</p> + +<p>On hearing that Miss Du Prel was among the Professor’s oldest friends, +Mrs. Fullerton became suddenly cordial to that lady, and could not show +her enough attention. The evenings were often spent in music, Temperley +being sometimes of the party. He was the only person not obviously among +the Professor’s admirers.</p> + +<p>“However cultivated or charming a person may be,” Temperley said to +Hadria, “I never feel that I have found a kindred spirit, unless the +musical instinct is strong.”</p> + +<p>“Nor I.”</p> + +<p>“Professor Fortescue has just that one weak point.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, but he is musical, though his technical knowledge is small.”</p> + +<p>But Temperley smiled dubiously.</p> + +<p>The Professor, freed from his customary hard work, was like a schoolboy. +His delight in the open air, in the freshness of the hills, in the +peace of the mellow autumn, was never-ending.</p> + +<p>He loved to take a walk before breakfast, so as to enjoy the first +sweetness of the morning; to bathe in some clear pool of the river; to +come into healthy contact with Nature. Never was there a brighter or a +wholesomer spirit. Yet the more Hadria studied this clear, and vigorous, +and tender nature, the more she felt, in him, the absence of that +particular personal hold on life which so few human beings are without, +a grip usually so hard to loosen, that only the severest experience, and +the deepest sorrow have power to destroy it.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s letters to her sister, at this time, were full of enthusiasm. +“You cannot imagine what it is, or perhaps you <em>can</em> imagine what it +is to have the society of three such people as I now see almost every day.</p> + +<p>“You say I represent them as impossible angels, such as earth never +beheld, but you are wrong. I represent them as they are. I suppose the +Professor has faults—though he does not show them to us—they must be +of the generous kind, at any rate. Father says that he never could keep +a farthing; he would always give it away to undeserving people. Miss Du +Prel, I find on closer acquaintance, is not without certain jealousies +and weaknesses, but these things just seem to float about as gossamer on +a mountain-side, and one counts them in relation to herself, in about +the same proportion. Mr. Temperley—I don’t know quite what to say about +him. He is a tiny bit too precise and finished perhaps—a little wanting +in <em>élan</em>—but he seems very enlightened and full of polite information; +and ah, his music! When he is playing I am completely carried away. If +he said then, ‘Miss Fullerton, may I have the pleasure of your society +in the infernal regions?’ I should arise and take his arm and reply, +‘Delighted,’ and off we would march. But what am I saying? Mr. Temperley +would never ask anything so absurd.</p> + +<p>“You would have thought that when Miss Du Prel and Professor Fortescue +arrived on the scene, I had about enough privileges; but no, Destiny, +waking up at last to her duties, remembers that I have a maniacal +passion for music, and that this has been starved. So she hastens to +provide for me a fellow maniac, a brother in Beethoven, who comes and +fills my world with music and my soul with——But I must not rave. The +music is still in my veins; I am not in a fit state to write reasonable +letters. Here comes Mr. Temperley for our practice. No more for the +present.”</p> + +<p>Temperley would often talk to Hadria of his early life, and about his +mother and sister. Of his mother he spoke with great respect and +affection, the respect perhaps somewhat conventional, and allowing one +to see, through its meshes, the simple fact that she was looked up to as +a good and dutiful parent, who had worshipped her son from his birth, +and perfectly fulfilled his ideas of feminine excellency. From her he +had learnt the lesser Catechism and the Lord’s Prayer, since discarded, +but useful in their proper season. Although he had ceased to be an +orthodox Christian, he felt that he was the better for having been +trained in that creed. He had a perfect faith in the system which had +produced himself.</p> + +<p>“I think you would like my mother,” said Temperley.</p> + +<p>Hadria could scarcely dispute this.</p> + +<p>“And I am sure she would like you.”</p> + +<p>“On that point I cannot offer an opinion.”</p> + +<p>“Don’t you ever come to town?” he asked.</p> + +<p>“We go to Edinburgh occasionally,” she replied with malice, knowing that +he meant London.</p> + +<p>He set her right.</p> + +<p>“No; my father hates London, and mother never goes away without him.”</p> + +<p>“What a pity! But do you never visit friends in town?”</p> + +<p>“Yes; my sister and I have spent one or two seasons in Park Lane, with +some cousins.”</p> + +<p>“Why don’t you come this next season? You ought to hear some good +music.”</p> + +<p>The <em>tête-a-tête</em> was interrupted by the Professor. Temperley looked +annoyed. It struck Hadria that Professor Fortescue had a very sad +expression when he was not speaking. He seemed to her lonely, and in +need of the sort of comfort that he brought so liberally to others.</p> + +<p>Although he had talked to Hadria about a thousand topics in which they +were both interested, there had been nothing personal in their +conversation. He was disposed, at times, to treat her in a spirit of +affectionate banter.</p> + +<p>“To think that I should ever have dared to offer this young lady +acidulated drops!” he exclaimed on one occasion, when Hadria was looking +flushed and perturbed.</p> + +<p>“Ah! shall I ever forget those acidulated drops!” she cried, +brightening.</p> + +<p>“You don’t mean to say that you would stoop to them now?”</p> + +<p>“It is not one’s oldest friends who always know one best,” she replied +demurely.</p> + +<p>“I shall test you,” he said.</p> + +<p>And on that same day, he walked into Ballochcoil, and when he returned, +he offered her, with a solemn twinkle in his eye, a good-sized paper bag +of the seductive sweetmeat; taking up his position on the top of a low +dyke, and watching her, while she proceeded to make of that plump white +bag, a lank and emaciated bag, surprising to behold. He sat and looked +on, enjoying his idleness with the zest of a hard worker. The twinkle of +amusement faded gradually from his face, and the sadness that Hadria had +noticed the day before, returned to his eyes. She was leaning against +the dyke, pensively enjoying her festive meal. The dark fresh blue of +her gown, and the unwonted tinge of colour in her cheeks, gave a +vigorous and healthful impression, in harmony with the weather-beaten +stones and the windy breadth of the northern landscape.</p> + +<p>The Professor studied the face with a puzzled frown. He flattered +himself that he was a subtle physiognomist, but in this case, he would +not have dared to pronounce judgment. Danger and difficulty might have +been predicted, for it was a moving face, one that could not be looked +upon quite coldly. And the Professor had come to the conclusion, from +his experience of life, that the instinct of the average human being +whom another has stirred to strong emotion, is to fasten upon and +overwhelm that luckless person, to burden him with responsibilities, to +claim as much of time, and energy, and existence, as can in any way be +wrung from him, careless of the cost to the giver.</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue noticed, as Hadria looked down, a peculiar +dreaminess of expression, and something indefinable, which suggested a +profoundly emotional nature. At present, the expression was softened. +That this softness was not altogether trustworthy, however, the +Professor felt sure, for he had seen, at moments, when something had +deeply stirred her, expressions anything but soft come into her face. He +thought her capable of many things of which the well-brought-up young +Englishwoman is not supposed to dream. It seemed to him, that she had at +least two distinct natures that were at war with one another: the one +greedy and pleasure-loving, careless and even reckless; the other +deep-seeing and aspiring. But which of these two tendencies would +experience probably foster?</p> + +<p>“I wonder what you like best, next to acidulated drops,” he said at +length, with one of his half-bantering smiles.</p> + +<p>“There are few things in this wide world that can be mentioned in the +same breath with them, but toffy also has its potency upon the spirit.”</p> + +<p>“I like not this mocking tone.”</p> + +<p>“Then I will not mock,” she said.</p> + +<p>“Yes, Hadria,” he went on meditatively, “you have grown up, if an old +friend may make such remarks, very much as I expected, from the promise +of your childhood. You used to puzzle me even then.”</p> + +<p>“Do I puzzle you now?” she asked.</p> + +<p>“Inexpressibly!”</p> + +<p>“How amusing! But how?”</p> + +<p>“One can generally see at a glance, or pretty soon, the general trend of +a character. But not with you. Nothing that I might hear of you in the +future, would very much surprise me. I should say to myself, ‘Yes, the +germ was there.’”</p> + +<p>Hadria paled a little. “Either good or bad you mean?”</p> + +<p>“Well——”</p> + +<p>“Yes, I understand.” She drew herself together, crossing her arms, and +looking over the hills, with eyes that burned with a sort of fear and +defiance mingled. It was a singular expression, which the Professor +noted with a sense of discomfort.</p> + +<p>Hadria slowly withdrew her eyes from the horizon, and bent them on the +ground.</p> + +<p>“You must have read some of my thoughts,” she said. “I often wonder how +it is, that the world can drill women into goodness at all.” She raised +her head, and went on in a low, bitter tone: “I often wonder why it is, +that they don’t, one and all, fling up their <em>rôles</em> and revenge +themselves to the best of their ability—intentionally, I mean—upon the +world that makes them live under a permanent insult. I think, at times, +that I should thoroughly enjoy spending my life in sheer, unmitigated +vengeance, and if I did”—she clenched her hands, and her eyes +blazed—“if I did, I would not do my work by halves!”</p> + +<p>“I am sure you would not,” said the Professor dryly.</p> + +<p>“But I shall not do anything of the kind,” she added in a different +tone; “women don’t. They always try to be good, always, <em>always</em>—the +more fools they! And the more they are good, the worse things get.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! I thought there was some heterodox sentiment lurking here at high +pressure!” exclaimed the Professor.</p> + +<p>Hadria sighed. “I have just been receiving good advice from Mrs. +Gordon,” she said, flushing at the remembrance, “and I think if you knew +the sort of counsel it was, that you would understand one’s feeling a +little fierce and bitter. Oh, not with her, poor woman! She meant it in +kindness. But the most cutting thing of all is, that what she said is +<em>true!</em>”</p> + +<p>“That <em>is</em> exactly the worst thing,” said the Professor, who seemed to +have divined the nature of Mrs. Gordon’s advice.</p> + +<p>Hadria coloured. It hurt as well as astonished her, that he should guess +what had been said.</p> + +<p>“Ah! a woman ought to be born without pride, or not at all! I wish to +heaven that our fatal sex could be utterly stamped out!”</p> + +<p>The Professor smiled, a little sadly, at her vehemence.</p> + +<p>“We are accused of being at the bottom of every evil under heaven,” she +added, “and I think it is true. <em>That</em> is some consolation, at any +rate!”</p> + +<p>In spite of her immense reverence for the Professor, she seemed to have +grown reckless as to his opinion.</p> + +<p>The next few days went strangely, and not altogether comprehensibly. +There was a silent warfare between Professor Fortescue and Hubert +Temperley.</p> + +<p>“I have never in my life before ventured to interfere in such matters,” +the Professor said to Miss Du Prel; “but if that fellow marries Hadria, +one or both will live to rue it.”</p> + +<p>“I think it’s the best thing that could happen to her,” Miss Du Prel +declared.</p> + +<p>“But they are not suited to one another,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>“Men and women seldom are!”</p> + +<p>“Then why——?” the Professor began.</p> + +<p>“He is about as near as she will get,” Valeria interrupted. “I will +never stand in the way of a girl’s marrying a good, honest man. There is +not one chance in ten thousand that Hadria will happen to meet exactly +the right person. I have made a mistake in my life. I shall do all in my +power to urge her to avoid following in my footsteps.”</p> + +<p>It was useless for the Professor to remonstrate.</p> + +<p>“I pity Mr. Temperley, though I am so fond of Hadria,” said Miss Du +Prel. “If he shatters <em>her</em> illusions, she will certainly shatter +<em>his</em>.”</p> + +<p>The event that they had been expecting, took place. During one of the +afternoon practices, when, for a few minutes, Mrs. Fullerton had left +the room, Temperley startled Hadria by an extremely elegant proposal of +marriage. He did not seem surprised at her refusal, though he pleaded +his cause with no little eloquence. Hadria found it a painful ordeal. +She shrank from the ungracious necessity to disappoint what appeared to +be a very ardent hope. Happily, the interview was cut short by the +entrance of Mr. Fullerton. The old man was not remarkable for <em>finesse</em>. +He gave a dismayed “Oh!” He coughed, suppressed a smile, and murmuring +some lame enquiry as to the progress of the music, turned and marched +out of the room. The sound of laughter was presently heard from the +dining-room below.</p> + +<p>“Father is really too absurd!” cried Hadria, “there is <em>no</em> tragedy that +he is incapable of roaring at!”</p> + +<p>“I fear his daughter takes after him,” said Temperley with a tragi-comic +smile.</p> + +<p>When Hadria next met her father, he asked, with perfect but suspicious +gravity, about the music that they had been practising that afternoon. +He could not speak too highly of music as a pastime. He regretted having +rushed in as he did—it must have been so disturbing to the music. Why +not have a notice put up outside the door on these occasions: “Engaged”? +Then the meanest intelligence would understand, and the meanest +intelligence was really a thing one had to count with, in this +blundering world!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">HUBERT TEMPERLEY left Drumgarren suddenly. He said that he had business +to attend to in town.</p> + +<p> “That foolish girl has refused him!” exclaimed Valeria, when she heard +of it.</p> + +<p>“Thank heaven!” ejaculated Professor Fortescue.</p> + +<p>Valeria’s brow clouded. “Why are you so anxious about the matter?”</p> + +<p>“Because I know that a marriage between those two would end in misery.”</p> + +<p>Valeria spoke very seriously to Hadria on the subject of marriage, +urging the importance of it, and the wretchedness of growing old in +solitude.</p> + +<p>“Better even that, than to grow old in uncongenial company,” said +Hadria.</p> + +<p>Valeria shrugged her shoulders. “One could go away when it became +oppressive,” she suggested, at which Hadria laughed.</p> + +<p>“What an ideal existence!”</p> + +<p>“Are you still dreaming of an ideal existence?”</p> + +<p>“Why not?”</p> + +<p>“Well, dream while you may,” said Miss Du Prel. “My time of dreaming was +the happiest of all.”</p> + +<p>On one occasion, when Hadria and the Professor went to call at Craw +Gill, they found Miss Du Prel in the gloomiest of moods. Affection, +love?—the very blood and bones of tragedy. Solitude, indifference?—its +heart. And if for men the world was a delusion, for women it was a +torture-chamber. Nature was dead against them.</p> + +<p>“Why do you say that?” asked Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Because of the blundering, merciless way she has made us; because of +the needs that she has put into our hearts, and the preposterous payment +that she demands for their fulfilment; because of the equally +preposterous payment she exacts, if we elect to do without that which +she teaches us to yearn for.”</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue, admitting the dilemma, laid the blame on the +stupidity of mankind.</p> + +<p>The discussion was excited, for Valeria would not allow the guilt to be +thus shifted. In vain the Professor urged that Nature offers a large +choice to humanity, for the developing, balancing, annulling of its +various forces of good and evil, and that it is only when the choice is +made that heredity steps in and fixes it. This process simulates +Necessity, or what we call Nature. “Heredity may be a powerful friend, +or a bitter enemy, according as we treat her,” he said.</p> + +<p>“Then our sex must have treated her very badly!” cried Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“Or <em>our</em> sex must have obliged yours to treat her badly, which comes +to the same thing,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>They had agreed to take a walk by the river, towards Ballochcoil. It was +hoped that the fresh air and sunshine would cheer Miss Du Prel. The +Professor led the conversation to her favourite topic: ancient Greek +literature, but this only inspired her to quote the discouraging opinion +of the <em>Medea</em> of Euripedes.</p> + +<p>The Professor laughed. “I see it is a really bad attack,” he said. “I +sympathize. I have these inconsolable moods myself, sometimes.”</p> + +<p>They came upon the Greek temple on the cliff-side, and paused there to +rest, for a few minutes. It was too cold to linger long under the +slender columns. They walked on, till they came in sight of the bare +little church of Ballochcoil.</p> + +<p>The Professor instinctively turned to compare the two buildings. “The +contrast between them is so extraordinary!” he exclaimed.</p> + +<p>Nothing could have been more eloquent of the difference in the modes of +thought which they respectively represented.</p> + +<p>“If only they had not made such fools of their women, I should like to +have lived at Athens in the time of Pericles!” exclaimed Hadria.</p> + +<p>“I,” said Valeria, “would choose rather the Middle Ages, with their +mysticism and their romance.”</p> + +<p>The discussion on this point continued till the church was reached. A +psalm was being sung, in a harsh but devout fashion, by the +congregation. The sound managed to find its way to the sweet outer air, +though the ugly rectangular windows were all jealously closed against +its beneficence.</p> + +<p>The sky had become overcast, and a few drops of rain having given +warning of a shower, it was thought advisable to take shelter in the +porch, till it was over. The psalm was ground out slowly, and with +apparent fervour, to the end.</p> + +<p>Then the voice of the minister was heard wrestling in prayer.</p> + +<p>The Professor looked grave and sad, as he stood listening. It was +possible to hear almost all the prayer through the red baize door, and +the words, hackneyed though they were, and almost absurd in their pious +sing-song, had a naïf impressiveness and, to the listener, an intense +pathos.</p> + +<p>The minister prayed for help and comfort for his congregation. There had +been much sickness in the village during the summer, and many were in +trouble. The good man put forth his petition to the merciful and mighty +Father, that strength might be given to the sufferers to bear all that +was sent in chastisement, for they knew that nothing would be given +beyond their ability to endure. He assured the great and mighty Lord +that He had power to succour, and that His love was without end; he +prayed that as His might and His glory were limitless, so might His +mercy be to the miserable sinners who had offended Him.</p> + +<p>Age after age, this same prayer, in different forms, had besieged the +throne of heaven. Age after age, the spirit of man had sought for help, +and mercy, and inspiration, in the Power that was felt, or imagined, +behind the veil of mystery.</p> + +<p>From the village at the foot of the hill, vague sounds floated up, and +presently, among them and above them, could be heard the yelping and +howling of a dog.</p> + +<p>The minister, at the moment, was glorifying his Creator and his race at +the same time, by addressing Him as “Thou who hast given unto us, Thy +servants, dominion over the beasts of the field and over every living +thing, that they may serve us and minister unto us——”</p> + +<p>Again, and more loudly, came the cry of distress.</p> + +<p>“I must go and see what is the matter,” exclaimed the Professor. At the +moment, the howling suddenly ceased, and he paused. The minister was +still appealing to his God for mercy. “Out of the deep have I cried unto +Thee, O Lord——,” and then there was a general prayer, in which the +voices of the congregation joined. Some more singing and praying took +place, before the sound of a sudden rush and movement announced the +conclusion of the service.</p> + +<p>“We had better go,” said Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>They had no more than time to leave the porch, before the doors burst +open, and the people streamed forth. A whiff of evil-smelling air issued +from the building, at the same time. The dog was howling more piteously +than ever. Someone complained of the disturbance that had been caused by +the creature’s cries, during worship. The congregation continued to pour +out, dividing into little groups to discuss the sermon or something of +more mundane interest. An appearance of superhuman respectability +pervaded the whole body. The important people, some of whom had their +carriages waiting to drive them home, lingered a few moments, to +exchange greetings, and to discuss sporting prospects or achievements. +Meanwhile, one of the creatures over whom God had given them dominion, +was wailing in vain appeal.</p> + +<p>“I can’t stand this,” cried the Professor, and he started off.</p> + +<p>“I will come too,” Hadria announced. Miss Du Prel said that she could +not endure the sight of suffering, and would await their return.</p> + +<p>And then occurred the incident that made this afternoon memorable to +Hadria. In her last letter to her sister, she had said that she could +not imagine the Professor contemptuous or angry. She had reason now to +change her mind. His face was at once scornful and sad. For a moment, +Hadria thought that he was displeased with her.</p> + +<p>“I sometimes feel,” he said, with a scornful bitterness that she had not +suspected in him, “I sometimes feel that this precious humanity of ours +that we are eternally worshipping and exalting, is but a mean, miserable +thing, after all, not worth a moment’s care or effort. One’s sympathy is +wasted. Look at these good people whining to their heavenly Father about +their own hurts, craving for a pity of which they have not a spark +themselves!—puffed up with their little lordship over the poor beasts +that they do not hesitate to tear, and hurt, and torture, for their own +pleasure, or their own benefit,—to whom they, in their turn, love to +play the God. Cowards! And having used their Godhead for purposes of +cruelty, they fling themselves howling on their knees before their +Almighty Deity and beg for mercy, which He too knows how to refuse!”</p> + +<p>“Thank heaven!” exclaimed Hadria. She drew a deep sigh of relief. +Without precisely realizing the fact, she had been gradually sinking +into an unformulated conviction that human beings are, at heart, +ruthless and hard, as soon as they are brought beyond the range of +familiar moral claims, which have to be respected on pain of popular +censure. Self-initiated pity was nowhere to be found. The merciless +coldness of many excellent people (kind and tender, perhaps, within +these accepted limits) had often chilled her to the heart, and prompted +a miserable doubt of the eventual victory of good over evil in the +world, which her father always insisted was ruled by mere brute force, +and would be so ruled to the end of time. She had tried to find a wider, +more generous, and less conventional standard in her oracle, Miss Du +Prel, but to her bitter disappointment, that lady had shrugged her +shoulders a little callously, as soon as she was asked to extend her +sympathy outside the circle of chartered candidates for her merciful +consideration. Hadria’s hero-worship had suffered a severe rebuff. Now, +as the Professor spoke, it was as if a voice from heaven had bidden her +believe and hope fearlessly in her race, and in its destiny.</p> + +<p>“I had almost come to shrink a little from people,” she said, “as from +something cruel and savage, at heart, without a grain of real, untaught +pity.”</p> + +<p>“There is only just enough to swear by,” said the Professor sadly. “We +are a lot of half-tamed savages, after all, but we may be thankful that +a capacity for almost infinite development is within us.”</p> + +<p>“I wish to heaven we could get on a little faster,” exclaimed Hadria.</p> + +<p>The incident proved, in the end, a fortunate one for the homeless, and +almost starving terrier, of plebeian lineage, whose wail of distress had +summoned two friends to the rescue. The creature had been ill-treated by +some boys, who found Sunday afternoon hang heavy on their hands. The +Professor carried the injured animal across the fields and through the +woods, to Dunaghee.</p> + +<p>Here the wounds were dressed, and here the grateful creature found a new +and blissful home. His devotion to the Professor was unbounded; he +followed him everywhere.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s reverence and admiration rose to the highest pitch of +enthusiasm. Her father laughed at her. “Just as if any decent fellow +would not have done as much for a wounded brute!”</p> + +<p>“There must have been a strange dearth of decent fellows in church that +morning then.”</p> + +<p>It was not merely the action, but the feeling revealed by the +Professor’s words on that occasion, that had turned Hadria’s sentiment +towards him, into one of worship.</p> + +<p>Algitha warned her that even the Professor was human.</p> + +<p>Hadria said she did not believe it, or rather she believed that he was +inordinately, tenderly, superlatively human, and that he had gone many +steps farther in that direction than the rest of his generation. He was +dowered with instincts and perceptions belonging to some kinder, nobler +race than ours.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel looked grave. She took occasion to mention that the +Professor had never ceased to grieve for his wife, to whom he had been +passionately attached, and that he, almost alone among men, would never +love any other woman.</p> + +<p>“I admire him only the more for that,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Don’t let yourself care too much for him.”</p> + +<p>“Too much!”</p> + +<p>“Don’t fall in love with him, if I must be frank.”</p> + +<p>Hadria was silent. “If one <em>were</em> to fall in love at all, I don’t see +how it would be possible to avoid his being the man,” she pronounced at +last. “I defy any creature with the least vestige of a heart to remain +indifferent to him.” (Valeria coloured.) “Why there isn’t a man, woman, +child, or animal about the place who doesn’t adore him; and what can <em>I</em> +do?”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">THE autumn was now on the wane; the robins sang clear, wild little songs +in the shrubberies, the sunshine fell slanting across the grass. And at +night, the stars twinkled with a frosty brilliancy, and the flowers were +cut down by cruel invisible hands. The long dark evenings and the +shrieking winds of winter were before them.</p> + +<p>With the shortening of the days, and the sweeping away of great shoals +of leaves, in the frequent gales, Miss Du Prel’s mood grew more and more +sombre. At last she announced that she could stand the gloom of this +wild North no longer. She had made arrangements to return to London, on +the morrow. As suddenly as she had appeared on the scene, she vanished, +leaving but one day to grieve at the prospect of parting.</p> + +<p>It was through an accidental turn in the conversation, on this last day, +that the difference between her creed and the Professor’s was brought to +light, accounting to Hadria for many things, and increasing, if +possible, her admiration for the unconscious Professor.</p> + +<p>As for her own private and personal justification for hope, Valeria +asserted that she had none. Not even the thought of her work—usually a +talisman against depression—had any power to comfort. Who cared for her +work, unless she perjured herself, and told the lies that the public +loved to hear?</p> + +<p>“What should we all do,” asked Hadria, “if there were not a few people +like you and Professor Fortescue, in the world, to keep us true to our +best selves, and to point to something infinitely better than that +best?”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel brightened for a moment.</p> + +<p>“What does it matter if you do not provide mental food for the crowd, +seeking nourishment for their vulgarity? Let them go starve.”</p> + +<p>“But they don’t; they go and gorge elsewhere. Besides, the question of +starvation faces <em>me</em> rather than them.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel was still disposed to find fault with the general scheme of +things, which she regarded as responsible for her own woes, great and +little. Survival of the fittest! What was that but another name for the +torture and massacre of the unfit? Nature’s favourite instruments were +war, slaughter, famine, misery (mental and physical), sacrifice and +brutality in every form, with a special malignity in her treatment of +the most highly developed and the noblest of the race.</p> + +<p>The Professor in vain pointed out that Valeria’s own revolt against the +brutality of Nature, was proof of some higher law in Nature, now in +course of development.</p> + +<p>“The horror that is inspired in human beings by that brutality is just +as much a part of Nature as the brutality itself,” he said, and he +insisted that the supreme business of man, was to evolve a scheme of +life on a higher plane, wherein the weak shall not be forced to agonize +for the strong, so far as mankind can intervene to prevent it. Let man +follow the dictates of pity and generosity in his own soul. They would +never lead him astray. While Miss Du Prel laid the whole blame upon +natural law, the Professor impeached humanity. Men, he declared, cry out +against the order of things, which they, in a large measure, have +themselves created.</p> + +<p>“But, good heavens! the whole plan of life is one of rapine. <em>We</em> did +not fashion the spider to prey upon the fly, or the cat to play with the +wounded mouse. <em>We</em> did not ordain that the strong should fall upon the +weak, and tear and torture them for their own benefit. Surely we are not +responsible for the brutalities of the animal creation.”</p> + +<p>“No, but we are responsible when we <em>imitate them</em>,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel somewhat inconsequently attempted to defend such imitation, +on the ground that sacrifice is a law of life, a law of which she had +just been bitterly complaining. But at this, the Professor would only +laugh. His opponent indignantly cited scientific authority of the most +solemn and weighty kind; the Professor shook his head. Familiarity with +weighty scientific authorities had bred contempt.</p> + +<p>“Vicarious sacrifice!” he exclaimed, with a sudden outbreak of the scorn +and impatience that Hadria had seen in him on one other occasion, “I +never heard a doctrine more insane, more immoral, or more suicidal!”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel hugged herself in the thought of her long list of scouted +authorities. They had assured her that our care of the weak, by +interfering with the survival of the fittest, is injuring the race.</p> + +<p>“Go down into the slums of our great cities, or to the pestilential +East, and there observe the survival of the fittest, undisturbed by +human knowledge or human pity,” recommended the Professor.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel failed to see how this proved anything more than bad +general conditions.</p> + +<p>“It proves that however bad general conditions may be, <em>some</em> wretches +will always survive; the ‘fittest,’ of course, to endure filth and +misery. Selection goes on without ceasing; but if the conditions are +bad, the surviving type will be miserable. Mere unaided natural +selection obviously cannot be trusted to produce a fine race.”</p> + +<p>Nothing would convince Miss Du Prel that the preservation of weakly +persons was not injurious to the community. To this the Professor +replied, that what is lost by their salvation is more than paid back by +the better conditions that secured it. The strong, he said, were +strengthened and enabled to retain their strength by that which saves +the lives of the weak.</p> + +<p>“Besides, do you suppose a race could gain, in the long run, by defiance +of its best instincts? Never! If the laws of health in body and in mind +were at variance, leaving us a hard choice between physical and moral +disease, then indeed no despair could be too black. But all experience +and all insight testify to the exact opposite. Heavens, how +short-sighted people are! It is not the protection of the weak, but the +evil and stupid deeds that have made them so, that we have to thank for +the miseries of disease. And for our redemption—powers of the universe! +it is not to the cowardly sacrifice of the unfortunate that we must +trust, but to a more brotherly spirit of loyalty, a more generous +treatment of all who are defenceless, a more faithful holding together +among ourselves—weak and strong, favoured and luckless.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel was silent for a moment. Her sympathy but not her hope had +been roused.</p> + +<p>“I wish I could believe in your scheme of redemption,” she said; “but, +alas! sacrifice has been the means of progress from the beginning of all +things, and so I fear it will be to the end.”</p> + +<p>“I don’t know what it will be at the end,” said the Professor, dryly; +“for the present, I oppose with the whole strength of my belief and my +conscience, the cowardly idea of surrendering individuals to the +ferocity of a jealous and angry power, in the hope of currying favour +for the rest. We might just as well set up national altars and sacrifice +victims, after the franker fashion of the ancients. Morally, the +principles are precisely the same.”</p> + +<p>“Scarcely; for <em>our</em> object is to benefit humanity.”</p> + +<p>“And theirs. Poor humanity!” cried the Professor. “What crimes are we +not ready to commit in thy name!”</p> + +<p>“That cannot be a crime which benefits mankind,” argued Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“It is very certain that it cannot eventually benefit mankind, if it +<em>be</em> a crime,” he retorted.</p> + +<p>“This sequence of ideas makes one dizzy!” exclaimed Hadria.</p> + +<p>The Professor smiled. “Moreover,” he added, “we know that society has +formed the conditions of existence for each of her members; the whole +material of his misfortune, if he be ill-born and ill-conditioned. Is +society then to turn and rend her unlucky child whose misery was her +own birthday gift? Shall we, who are only too ready, as it is, to +trample upon others, in our haste and greed—shall we be encouraged in +this savage selfishness by what dares to call itself science, to play +one another false, instead of standing, with united front, to the powers +of darkness, and scorning to betray our fellows, human or animal, in the +contemptible hope of gaining by the treachery? Ah! you may quote +authorities, wise and good, till you are hoarse!” cried the Professor, +with a burst of energy; “but they will not convince me that black is +white. I care not who may uphold the doctrine of vicarious sacrifice; it +is monstrous, it is dastardly, it is <em>damnable!</em>”</p> + +<p>There are some sentences and some incidents that fix themselves, once +for all, in the memory, often without apparent reason, to remain as an +influence throughout life. In this fashion, the afternoon’s discussion +registered itself in the memory of the silent member of the trio.</p> + +<p>In her dreams that night, those three concluding and energetic +adjectives played strange pranks, as, in dreams, words and phrases often +will. Her deep regret at Miss Du Prel’s departure, her dread of her own +future, her growing sense of the torment, and horror, and sacrifice that +form so large a part of the order of the world, all appeared to be +united fantastically in malignant and threatening form, in the final +words of the Professor: “It is monstrous, it is dastardly, it is +damnable!” The agony of the whole earth seemed to hang over the sleeper, +hovering and black and intolerable, crushing her with a sense of +hopeless pity and fatigue.</p> + +<p>And on waking, though the absurd masquerading of words and thoughts had +ceased, she was still weighed down with the horror of the dream, which +she knew had a corresponding reality still more awful. And there was no +adversary to all this anguish; everybody acquiesced, nay, everybody +threw on yet another log to the martyr’s pile, and coolly watched the +hungry flames at their work, for “Nature,” they all agreed, demanded +sacrifice.</p> + +<p>It was in vain to turn for relief to the wise and good; the “wise” +insisted on keeping up the altar fires that they might appease the +blood-thirsty goddess by a continuous supply of victims (for the noble +purpose of saving the others); the “good” trusted to the decision of the +wise; they were humbly content to allow others to judge for them; for by +this means would they not secure some of the spoils?</p> + +<p>No, no; there was no help anywhere on earth, no help, no help. So ran +Hadria’s thoughts, in the moments of vivid sensation, between sleeping +and waking. “Suffering, sacrifice, oppression: there is nothing else +under the sun, under the sun.”</p> + +<p>Perhaps a brilliant beam that had found its way, like a message of +mercy, through the blind, and shone straight on to the pillow, had +suggested the form of the last thought.</p> + +<p>Hadria moved her hand into the ray, that she might feel the warmth and +“the illusion of kindness.”</p> + +<p>There was one person, and at the moment, only one, whose existence was +comforting to remember. The hundreds of kind and good people, who were +merely kind and good where popular sentiment expected or commended such +conduct, gave no re-assurance; on the contrary, they proved the +desperation of our plight, since wisdom and goodness themselves were +busy at the savage work.</p> + +<p>When the party met at breakfast, an hour later, the Professor caused +universal consternation, by announcing that he would be obliged to +return to London on that very day, having received a letter, by the +morning’s post, which left him no choice. The very butler paused, for a +perceptible period, while handing ham and eggs to the guest. Forks and +knives were laid down; letters remained unopened.</p> + +<p>“It’s no use your attempting to go, my dear Chantrey,” said Mr. +Fullerton, “we have grown accustomed to the luxury of your society, and +we can’t get on without it.”</p> + +<p>But the Professor explained that his departure was inevitable, and that +he must go by the morning train.</p> + +<p>He and Hadria had time for a short walk to the river, by the pathway of +the tunnels.</p> + +<p>“What are your plans for the winter?” the Professor asked. “I hope that +you will find time to develop your musical gift. It ought to be used and +not wasted, or worse than wasted, as all forces are, unless they find +their legitimate outlet. Don’t be persuaded to do fancy embroidery, as a +better mode of employing energy. You have peculiar advantages of a +hereditary kind, if only you can get a reasonable chance to use them. I +have unbounded faith in the Fullerton stock. It has all the elements +that ought to produce powers of the highest order. You know I have +always cherished a warm affection for your parents, but ten years more +of experience have taught me better how to value that sterling sincerity +and honour in your father, united with so much kindliness, not to +mention his qualities of brain; and then your mother’s strong sense of +duty, her ability, her native love of art, and her wonderful devotion. +These are qualities that one does not meet with every day, and the +children of such parents start in life with splendid material to fashion +into character and power.”</p> + +<p>“Algitha will be worthy of our parents, I think,” said Hadria, “though +she has commenced her career by disobeying them.”</p> + +<p>“And you too must turn your power to account.”</p> + +<p>“You can’t conceive how difficult it is.”</p> + +<p>“I can very easily. I see that the sacrifice of her own development, +which your mother has made for your sakes, is taking its inevitable +revenge upon her, and upon you all. One can’t doom one’s best powers to +decay, however excellent the motive, without bringing punishment upon +oneself and one’s children, in some form or other. You will have to +fight against that penalty. I know you will not have a smooth time of +it; but who has, except cowards and weaklings? Your safeguard will be in +your work.”</p> + +<p>“And my difficulty,” said Hadria. “In the world that I was born into +(for my sins), when one tries to do something that other people don’t +do, it is like trying to get up early in a house where the +breakfast-hour is late. Nothing fits in with one’s eccentric custom; +everything conspires to discourage it.”</p> + +<p>“I wish I could give you a helping hand,” said the Professor wistfully; +“but one is so powerless. Each of us has to fight the real battle of +life alone. Nobody can see with our eyes, or feel with our nerves. The +crux of the difficulty each bears for himself. But friendship can help +us to believe the struggle worth while; it can sustain our courage and +it can offer sympathy in victory,—but still more faithfully in +defeat.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">HADRIA had determined upon making a strong and patient effort to pursue +her work during the winter, while doing her best, at the same time, to +please her mother, and to make up to her, as well as she could, for +Algitha’s departure. She would not be dismayed by difficulties: as the +Professor said, only cowards and weaklings escaped these. She treated +herself austerely, and found her power of concentration increasing, and +her hold on herself greater. But, as usual, her greatest effort had to +be given, not to the work itself, but to win opportunity to pursue it. +Mrs. Fullerton opposed her daughter’s endeavours as firmly as ever. It +was not good for a girl to be selfishly pre-occupied. She ought to think +of others.</p> + +<p>If Hadria yielded the point on any particular occasion, her mood and +her work were destroyed: if she resisted, they were equally destroyed, +through the nervous disturbance and the intense depression which +followed the winning of a liberty too dearly bought. The incessant +rising and quelling of her impulse and her courage—like the ebb and +flow of tides—represented a vast amount of force not merely wasted, but +expended in producing a dangerous wear and tear upon the system. The +process told upon her health, and was the beginning of the weakening and +unbalancing of the splendid constitution which Hadria, in common with +every member of the family, enjoyed as a birthright. The injury was +insidious but serious. Hadria, unable to command any certain part of the +day, began to sit up at night. This led to a direct clash of wills. Mr. +Fullerton said that the girl was doing her best to ruin her health for +life; Mrs. Fullerton wished to know why Hadria, who had all the day at +her disposal, could not spend the night rationally.</p> + +<p>“But I haven’t all the day, or any part of it, for certain,” said +Hadria.</p> + +<p>“If you grudge the little services you do for me, pray abandon them,” +said the mother, genuinely hurt.</p> + +<p>Hadria entered her room, one evening, tired out and profoundly +depressed. A table, covered with books, stood beside the fire. She gave +the top-heavy pile an impatient thrust and the mass fell, with a great +crash, to the floor. A heap of manuscript—her musical achievement for +the past year—was involved in the fall. She contemplated the wreck +gravely.</p> + +<p>“Yes, it is I who am weak, not circumstance that is strong. If I could +keep my mind unmoved by the irritations; if I could quarrel with mother, +and displease father, and offend all the world without a qualm, or +without losing the delicate balance of thought and mood necessary for +composition, then I should, to some extent, triumph over my circumstances; +I should not lose so much time in this wretched unstringing. Only were I +so immovably constituted, is it probable that I should be able to compose +at all?”</p> + +<p>She drew the score towards her. “People are surprised that women have +never done anything noteworthy in music. People are so intelligent!” She +turned over the pages critically. If only this instinct were not so +overwhelmingly strong! Hadria wondered how many other women, from the +beginning of history, had cursed the impulse to create! Fortunately, it +was sometimes extinguished altogether, as to-night, for instance, when +every impression, every desire was swept clean out of her, and her mind +presented a creditable blank, such as really ought to satisfy the most +exacting social mentor. In such a state, a woman might be induced to +accept anything!</p> + +<p>Hadria brought out two letters from her pocket; one from the Professor, +the other from Miss Du Prel. The latter had been writing frequently of +late, pointing out the danger of Hadria’s exaggerated ideas, and the +probability of their ruining her happiness in life. Valeria had suffered +herself from “ideas,” and knew how fatal they were. Life <em>could</em> not +be exactly as one would have it, and it was absolutely necessary, in order +to avoid misery for oneself and others, to consent to take things more +or less as they were; to make up one’s mind to bend a little, rather +than have to break, in the end. Things were never quite so shocking as +they seemed to one’s youthful imagination. The world was made up of +compromises. Good was mixed with evil everywhere. The domestic idea, as +Hadria called it, might be, in its present phase, somewhat offensive, +but it could be redeemed in its application, in the details and +“extenuating circumstances.” Valeria could not warn Hadria too earnestly +against falling into the mistake that Valeria herself had made. She had +repudiated the notion of anything short of an ideal union; a perfect +comradeship, without the shadow of restraint or bondage in the +relationship; and not having found it, she had refused the tie +altogether. She could not bring herself to accept the lesser thing, +having conceived the possibility of the greater. She now saw her error, +and repented it. She was reaping the penalty in a lonely and unsatisfied +life. For a long time her work had seemed to suffice, but she felt now +that she had been trusting to a broken reed. She was terrified at her +solitude. She could not face the thought of old age, without a single +close tie, without a home, without a hold upon her race.</p> + +<p>She ended by entreating Hadria not to refuse marriage merely because she +could not find a man to agree with her in everything, or capable of +entering into the spirit of the relationship that perhaps would unite +the men and women of the future. It was a pity that Hadria had not been +born a generation later, but since she had come into the world at this +time of transition, she must try to avoid the tragedy that threatens all +spirits who are pointing towards the new order, while the old is still +working out its unexhausted impetus.</p> + +<p>This reiterated advice had begun to trouble Hadria. It did not convince +her, but Valeria’s words were incessantly repeating themselves in her +mind; working as a ferment among her thoughts.</p> + +<p>The letters from Miss Du Prel and the Professor were to her, a source of +great pleasure and of great pain. In her depressed moods, they would +often rather increase her despondency, because the writers used to take +for granted so many achievements that she had not been able to accomplish.</p> + +<p>“They think I am living and progressing as they are; they do not know +that the riot and stir of intellectual life has ceased. I am like a +creature struggling in a quicksand.”</p> + +<p>On the Professor’s letter, the comments were of a different character.</p> + +<p>He had recommended her to read certain books, and reminded her that no +possessor of good books could lack the privilege of spiritual sanctuary.</p> + +<p>“Ah! yes, I know few pleasures so great as that of finding one’s own idea, +or hope, or longing, finely expressed, half-born thoughts alive and of +stately stature; and then the exquisite touches of art upon quick nerves, +the enlarging of the realms of imagination, knowledge, the heightening of +perceptions, intuitions; finally the blessed power of escaping from oneself, +with the paradoxical reward of greater self-realization! But, ah, Professor, +to me there is a ‘but’ even here. I am oppressed by a sense of the discrepancy +between the world that books disclose to me, and the world that I myself +inhabit. In books, the <em>impossibilities</em> are all left out. They give you +no sense of the sordid Inevitable that looms so large on the grey horizon. +Another more personal quarrel that I have with books is on account of their +attacking all my pet prejudices, and sneering at the type of woman that I have +the misfortune to belong to. I am always exhorted to cure myself of being +myself. Nothing less would suffice. Now this is wounding. All my particular +feelings, my strongest beliefs, are condemned, directly or by inference. I +could almost believe that there is a literary conspiracy to reform me. The +“true women” of literature infallibly think and feel precisely as I do <em>not</em> +think and feel, while the sentiments that I detest—woe is me—are lauded to +the skies. Truly, if we women don’t know exactly what we ought to think and +feel, it is not for want of telling. Yet you say, Professor, in this very +letter, that the sense of having a peculiar experience is always an illusion, +that every feeling of ours has been felt before, if not in our own day, then +in the crowded past, with its throngs of forgotten lives and unrecorded +experiences. I wish to heaven I could meet those who have had exactly mine!”</p> + +<p>Hadria did not keep up an active correspondence with Miss Du Prel or with +the Professor. She had no idea of adding to the burden of their busy lives, +by wails for sympathy. It seemed to her feeble, and contemptible, to ask to +be dragged up by their strength, instead of exerting her own. If that were +insufficient, why then let her go down, as thousands had gone down before +her. As a miser telling his gold, she would read and re-read those occasional +letters, written amidst the stress of life at high pressure, and bearing +evidence of that life of thought and work, in their tense, full-packed +phrases. With what a throb of longing and envy Hadria used to feel the +vibration through her own nerves! It was only when completely exhausted +and harassed that the response was lacking. To-night everything seemed to +be obliterated. Her hope, her interest were, for the moment, tired out. Her +friends would be disappointed in her, but there was no help for it.</p> + +<p>She picked up the score of her music, and stood, with a handful of the +once precious offspring of her brain held out towards the flames. Then +she drew it back, and half closed her eyes in self-scrutinizing thought. +“Come now,” she said to herself, “are you sincere in your intention of +giving up? Are you not doing this in a fit of spite against destiny? as +if destiny cared two straws. Heavens! what a poor little piece of +melodrama. And to think that you should have actually taken yourself in +it by it. One acts so badly with only oneself for audience. You know +perfectly well that you are <em>not</em> going to give in, you are <em>not</em> going +to attempt to stifle that which is the centre of your life; you have not +courage for such slow suicide. Don’t add insincerity to the other faults +that are laid to your account——” She mused over the little +self-administered lecture. And probing down into her consciousness, she +realized that she could not face the thought of surrender. She meant to +fight on. The notion of giving in had been seized instinctively, for a +moment of rest. Nothing should really make her cease the struggle, until +the power itself had been destroyed. She was sure of it, in her heart, +in spite of failures and miserably inadequate expressions of it. +Suddenly, as a shaft of light through parting clouds, came bursting +forth, radiant, rejoicing, that sense of power, large, resistless, +genial as morning sunshine. Yes, yes, let them say what they might, +discourage, smile, or frown as they would, the faculty was given to her, +and she would fight for opportunity to use it while she had breath.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">AS if it had all been ingeniously planned, the minutest incidents and +conditions of Hadria’s life conspired towards the event that was to +decide its drift for ever.</p> + +<p>Often, in the dim afternoon, she would sit by the window and watch the +rain sweeping across the country, longing then for Temperley’s music, +which used to make the wild scene so unspeakably beautiful. Now there +was no music, no music anywhere, only this fierce and mournful rush of +the wind, which seemed as if it were trying to utter some universal +grief. At sunset, braving the cold, she would mount the creaking +staircase, pass along the silent upper corridors, and on through the +empty rooms to the garret in the tower. The solitude was a relief; the +strangeness of the scene appealed to some wild instinct, and to the +intense melancholy that lurks in the Celtic nature.</p> + +<p>Even at night, she did not shrink from braving the glooms and silences +of the deserted upper floor, nor the solitude of the garret, which +appeared the deeper, from the many memories of happy evenings that it +evoked. She wished Ernest would come home. It was so long since she had +seen her favourite brother. She could not bear the thought of his +drifting away from her. What talks they had had in this old garret!</p> + +<p>These nights in the tower, among the winds, soothed the trouble of her +spirit as nothing else had power to do. The mystery of life, the thrill +of existence, touched her with a strange joy that ran perilously near to +pain. What vast dim possibilities lurked out there, in the hollows of +the hills! What inspiration thundered in the voice of the prophet wind!</p> + +<p>Once, she had gone downstairs and out, alone, in a tearing storm, to +wander across the bleak pastures, wrapt round by the wind as by a flame; +at one with the desperate elemental thing.</p> + +<p>The wanderer felt herself caught into the heart of some vast unknown +power, of which the wind was but a thrall, until she became, for a +moment, consciously part of that which was universal. Her personality +grew dim; she stood, as it seemed, face to face with Nature, divided +from the ultimate truth by only a thin veil, to temper the splendour and +the terror. Then the tension of personal feeling was loosened. She saw +how entirely vain and futile were the things of life that we grieve and +struggle over.</p> + +<p>It was not a side, an aspect of existence, but the whole of it that +seemed to storm round her, in the darkness. No wonder, when the wind was +let loose among the mountains, that the old Highland people thought that +their dead were about them. All night long, after Hadria returned to her +room in the keep, the wind kept up its cannonade against the walls, +hooting in the chimneys with derisive voices, and flinging itself, in +mad revolt, against the old-established hills and the stable earth, +which changed its forms only in slow obedience to the persuadings of the +elements, in the passing of centuries. It cared nothing for the passion +of a single storm.</p> + +<p>And then came reaction, doubt. After all, humanity was a puny production +of the Ages. Men and women were like the struggling animalculæ that her +father had so often shewn the boys, in a drop of magnified ditch-water; +yet not quite like those microscopic insects, for the stupendous +processes of life had at last created a widening consciousness, a mind +which could perceive the bewildering vastness of Nature and its own +smallness, which could, in some measure, get outside its own particular +ditch, and the strife and struggle of it, groping upwards for larger +realities—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“Over us stars and under us graves.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>To go down next morning to breakfast; to meet the usual homely events, +was bewildering after such a night. Which was dream: this or that? So +solid and convincing seemed, at times, the interests and objects of +every day, that Hadria would veer round to a sudden conviction that +these things, or what they symbolized, were indeed the solid facts of +human life, and that all other impressions arose from the disorderly +working of overcharged brain-cells. It was a little ailment of youth +and would pass off. Had it been possible to describe to her father the +impressions made upon her by the world and Nature, as they had presented +themselves to her imagination from her childhood, he would have +prescribed change of air and gymnastics. Perhaps that was the really +rational view of the matter. But what if these hygienic measures cured +her of the haunting consciousness of mystery and vastness; what if she +became convinced of the essential importance of the Gordon pedigree, or +of the amount of social consideration due to the family who had taken +Clarenoc? Would that alter the bewildering truths of which she would +have ceased to think?</p> + +<p>No; it would only mean that the animalcule had returned to the +occupations of its ditch, while the worlds and the peoples went spinning +to their destiny.</p> + +<p>“Do the duty that lies nearest thee,” counselled everybody: people of +all kinds, books of all kinds. “Cheap, well-sounding advice,” thought +Hadria, “sure of popularity! Continue to wriggle industriously, O +animalcule, in that particular ditch wherein it has pleased heaven to +place thee; seek not the flowing stream and the salt ocean; and if, some +clear night, a star finds room to mirror itself in thy little stagnant +world, shining through the fat weeds and slime that almost shut out the +heavens, pray be careful not to pay too much heed to the high-born +luminary. Look to your wriggling; that is your proper business. An +animalcule that does not wriggle must be morbid or peculiar. All will +tender, in different forms of varying elegance, the safe and simple +admonition: ‘Wriggle and be damned to you!’”</p> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<p>It was at this somewhat fevered moment, that Hubert Temperley appeared, +once more, upon the scene. Hadria was with her mother, taking tea at +Drumgarren, when Mrs. Gordon, catching the sounds of carriage wheels, +announced that she was expecting Hubert and his sister for a visit. In +another second, the travellers were in the drawing-room.</p> + +<p>Hubert’s self-possession was equal to the occasion. He introduced his +sister to Mrs. Fullerton and Hadria. Miss Temperley was his junior by a +year; a slight, neatly-built young woman, with a sort of tact that went +on brilliantly up to a certain point, and then suddenly collapsed +altogether. She had her brother’s self-complacency, and an air of +encouragement which Mrs. Gordon seemed to find most gratifying.</p> + +<p>She dressed perfectly, in quiet Parisian fashion. Hadria saw that her +brother had taken her into his confidence, or she concluded so from +something in Miss Temperley’s manner. The latter treated Hadria with a +certain familiarity, as if she had known her for some time, and she had +a way of seeming to take her apart, when addressing her, as if there +were a sort of understanding between them. It was here that her instinct +failed her; for she seemed unaware that this assumption of an intimacy +that did not exist was liable to be resented, and that it might be +unpleasant to be expected to catch special remarks sent over the heads +of the others, although ostensibly for the common weal.</p> + +<p>Hadria thought that she had never seen so strange a contrast as this +young woman’s behaviour, within and without the circle of her +perceptions. It was the more remarkable, since her mind was bent upon +the details and niceties of conduct, and the <em>nuances</em> of existence.</p> + +<p>“I shall come and see you as soon as I can,” she promised, when Mrs. +Fullerton rose to leave.</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley kept her word. She was charmed with the old house, +praising authoritatively.</p> + +<p>“This is an excellent piece of carving; far superior to the one in the +dining-room. Ah, yes, that is charming; so well arranged. You ought to +have a touch of blue there to make it perfect.”</p> + +<p>Hubert shewed good taste in keeping away from Dunaghee, except to pay +his call on Mr. and Mrs. Fullerton.</p> + +<p>“Hadria,” said his sister, “I am going to call you by your pretty +Christian name, and I want you to call me Henriette. I feel I have known +you much longer than ten days, because Hubert has told me so much about +you, and your music. You play charmingly. So much native talent. You +want good training, of course; but you really might become a brilliant +performer. Hubert is quite distressed that you should not enjoy more +advantages. I should like so much if you could come and stay with us in +town, and have some good lessons. Do think of it.”</p> + +<p>Hadria flushed. “Oh, thank you, I could not do that—I——”</p> + +<p>“I understand you, dear Hadria,” said Henriette, drawing her chair +closer to the fire. “You know, Hubert can never keep anything of great +importance from me.” She looked arch.</p> + +<p>Hadria muttered something that might have discouraged a less persistent +spirit, but Miss Temperley paid no attention.</p> + +<p>“Poor Hubert! I have had to be a ministering angel to him during these +last months.”</p> + +<p>“Why do you open up this subject, Miss Temperley?”</p> + +<p>“<em>Henriette</em>, if you please,” cried that young woman, with the air of +a playful potentate who has requested a favoured courtier to drop the +ceremonious “Your Majesty” in private conversation.</p> + +<p>“It was I who made him accept Mrs. Gordon’s invitation. He very nearly +refused it. He feared that it would be unpleasant for you. But I +insisted on his coming. Why should he not? He would like so much to come +here more often, but again he fears to displease you. He is not a +Temperley for nothing. They are not of the race of fools who rush in +where angels fear to tread.”</p> + +<p>“Are they not?” asked Hadria absently.</p> + +<p>“We both see your difficulty,” Miss Temperley went on. “Hubert would not +so misunderstand you—the dear fellow is full of delicacy—and I should +dearly love to hear him play to your accompaniment; he used to enjoy +those practices so much. Would you think him intrusive if he brought his +<em>’cello</em> some afternoon?”</p> + +<p>Hadria, not without an uneasy qualm, agreed to the suggestion, though by +no means cordially.</p> + +<p>Accordingly brother and sister arrived, one afternoon, for the practice. +Henriette took the leadership, visibly employed tact and judgment, +talked a great deal, and was surprisingly delicate, as beseemed a +Temperley. Hadria found the occasion somewhat trying nevertheless, and +Hubert stumbled, at first, in his playing. In a few minutes, however, +both musicians became possessed by the music, and then all went well. +Henriette sat in an easy chair and listened critically. Now and then she +would call out “bravo,” or “admirable,” and when the performance was +over, she was warm in her congratulations.</p> + +<p>Hadria was flushed with the effort and pleasure of the performance.</p> + +<p>“I never heard Hubert’s playing to such advantage,” said his sister. “I +seem to hear it for the first time. You really ought to practise +together often.” Another afternoon was appointed; Henriette left Hadria +almost no choice.</p> + +<p>After the next meeting, the constraint had a little worn off, and the +temptation to continue the practising was very strong. Henriette’s +presence was reassuring. And then Hubert seemed so reasonable, and had +apparently put the past out of his mind altogether.</p> + +<p>After the practice, brother and sister would linger a little in the +drawing-room, chatting. Hubert appeared to advantage in his sister’s +society. She had a way of striking his best vein. Her own talent ran +with his, appealed to it, and created the conditions for its display. +Her presence and inspiration seemed to produce, on his ability, a sort +of cumulative effect. Henriette set all the familiar machinery in +motion; pressed the right button, and her brother became brilliant.</p> + +<p>A slight touch of diffidence in his manner softened the effect of his +usual complacency. Hadria liked him better than she had liked him on his +previous visit. His innate refinement appealed to her powerfully. +Moreover, he was cultivated and well-read, and his society was +agreeable. Oh, why did this everlasting matrimonial idea come in and +spoil everything? Why could not men and women have interests in common, +without wishing instantly to plunge into a condition of things which +hampered and crippled them so miserably?</p> + +<p>Hadria was disposed to underrate all defects, and to make the most of +all virtues in Hubert, at the present moment. He had come at just the +right time to make a favourable impression upon her; for the loneliness +of her life had begun to leave its mark, and to render her extremely +sensitive to influence.</p> + +<p>She was an alien among the people of her circle; and she felt vaguely +guilty in failing to share their ideas and ambitions. Their glances, +their silences, conveyed a world of cold surprise and condemnation.</p> + +<p>Hubert was tolerance itself compared with the majority of her +associates. She felt almost as if he had done her a personal kindness +when he omitted to look astonished at her remarks, or to ignore them as +“awkward.”</p> + +<p>Yet she felt uneasy about this renewal of the practices, and tried to +avoid them as often as possible, though sorely against her inclination. +They were so great a relief and enjoyment. Her inexperience, and her +carelessness of conventional standards, put her somewhat off her guard. +Hubert showed no signs of even remembering the interview of last year, +that had been cut short by her father’s entrance. Why should <em>she</em> +insist on keeping it in mind? It was foolish. Moreover she had been +expressly given to understand, in a most pointed manner, that her +conduct would not be misinterpreted if she allowed him to come +occasionally.</p> + +<p>From several remarks that Temperley made, she saw that he too regarded +the ordinary domestic existence with distaste. It offended his +fastidiousness. He was fastidious to his finger-tips. It amused Hadria +to note the contrast between him and Mr. Gordon, who was a typical +father of a family; limited in his interests to that circle; an amiable +ruler of a tiny, somewhat absurd little world, pompous and important and +inconceivably dull.</p> + +<p>The <em>bourgeois</em> side of this life was evidently displeasing to Hubert. +Good taste was his fetish. From his remarks about women, Hadria was led +to observe how subtly critical he was with regard to feminine qualities, +and wondered if his preference for herself ought to be regarded as a +great compliment.</p> + +<p>Henriette congratulated her on having been admired by the fastidious +Hubert.</p> + +<p>“Let us hope it speaks well for me,” Hadria replied with a cynical +smile, “but I have so often noticed that men who are very difficult to +please, choose for the domestic hearth the most dreary and unattractive +woman of their acquaintance! I sometimes doubt if men ever do marry the +women they most admire.”</p> + +<p>“They do, when they can win them,” said Henriette.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">DURING Henriette’s visit, one of the meetings of the Preposterous +Society fell due, and she expressed a strong wish to be present. She +also craved the privilege of choosing the subject of discussion. +Finally, she received a formal request from the members to give the +lecture herself. She was full of enthusiasm about the Society (such an +educating influence!), and prepared her paper with great care. There had +been a tendency among the circle, to politely disagree with Henriette. +Her ideas respecting various burning topics were at variance with the +trend of opinion at Dunaghee, and Miss Temperley was expected to take +this opportunity of enlightening the family. The family was equally +resolved not to be enlightened.</p> + +<p>“I have chosen for my subject to-night,” said the lecturer, “one that is +beginning to occupy public attention very largely: I mean the sphere of +woman in society.”</p> + +<p>The audience, among whom Hubert had been admitted at his sister’s +earnest request, drew themselves together, and a little murmur of battle +ran along the line. Henriette’s figure, in her well-fitting Parisian +gown, looked singularly out of place in the garret, with the crazy old +candle-holder beside her, the yellow flame of the candle flinging +fantastic shadows on the vaulted roof, preposterously distorting her +neat form, as if in wicked mockery. The moonlight streamed in, as usual +on the nights chosen by the Society for their meetings.</p> + +<p>Henriette’s paper was neatly expressed, and its sentiments were +admirable. She maintained a perfect balance between the bigotry of the +past and the violence of the present. Her phrases seemed to rock, like +a pair of scales, from excess to excess, on either side. She came to +rest in the exact middle. This led to the Johnsonian structure, or, as +Hadria afterwards said, to the style of a <em>Times</em> leading article: +“While we remember on the one hand, we must not forget on the other——”</p> + +<p>At the end of the lecture, the audience found themselves invited to +sympathize cautiously and circumspectly with the advancement of women, +but led, at the same time, to conclude that good taste and good feeling +forbade any really nice woman from moving a little finger to attain, or +to help others to attain, the smallest fraction more of freedom, or an +inch more of spiritual territory, than was now enjoyed by her sex. When, +at some future time, wider privileges should have been conquered by the +exertions of someone else, then the really nice woman could saunter in +and enjoy the booty. But till then, let her leave boisterous agitation +to others, and endear herself to all around her by her patience and her +loving self-sacrifice.</p> + +<p>“That pays better for the present,” Hadria was heard to mutter to an +adjacent member.</p> + +<p>The lecturer, in her concluding remarks, gave a smile of ineffable +sweetness, sadly marred, however, by the grotesque effect of the +flickering shadows that were cast on her face by the candle. After all, +<em>duty</em> not <em>right</em> was the really important matter, and the lecturer +thought that it would be better if one heard the former word rather +oftener in connection with the woman’s question, and the latter word +rather more seldom. Then, with new sweetness, and in a tone not to be +described, she went on to speak of the natural responsibilities and joys +of her sex, drawing a moving, if somewhat familiar picture of those +avocations, than which she was sure there could be nothing higher or +holier.</p> + +<p>For some not easily explained cause, the construction of this sentence +gave it a peculiar unctuous force: “than which,” as Fred afterwards +remarked, “would have bowled over any but the most hardened sinner.”</p> + +<p>For weeks after this memorable lecture, if any very lofty altitude had +to be ascended in conversational excursions, the aspirant invariably +smiled with ineffable tenderness and lightly scaled the height, +murmuring “than which” to a vanquished audience.</p> + +<p>The lecture was followed by a discussion that rather took the stiffness +out of Miss Temperley’s phrases. The whole party was roused. Algitha had +to whisper a remonstrance to the boys, for their solemn questions were +becoming too preposterous. The lecture was discussed with much warmth. +There was a tendency to adopt the form “than which” with some frequency. +Bursts of laughter startled a company of rats in the wainscoting, and +there was a lively scamper behind the walls. No obvious opposition was +offered. Miss Temperley’s views were examined with gravity, and indeed +in a manner almost pompous. But by the end of that trying process, they +had a sadly bedraggled and plucked appearance, much to their parent’s +bewilderment. She endeavoured to explain further, and was met by +guilelessly intelligent questions, which had the effect of depriving the +luckless objects of their solitary remaining feather. The members of the +society continued to pine for information, and Miss Temperley +endeavoured to provide it, till late into the night. The discussion +finally drifted on to dangerous ground. Algitha declared that she +considered that no man had any just right to ask a woman to pledge +herself to love him and live with him for the rest of her life. How +<em>could</em> she? Hubert suggested that the woman made the same claim on the +man.</p> + +<p>“Which is equally absurd,” said Algitha. “Just as if any two people, +when they are beginning to form their characters, could possibly be sure +of their sentiments for the rest of their days. They have no business to +marry at such an age. They are bound to alter.”</p> + +<p>“But they must regard it as their duty not to alter with regard to one +another,” said Henriette.</p> + +<p>“Quite so; just as they ought to regard it as their duty among other +things, not to grow old,” suggested Fred.</p> + +<p>“Then, Algitha, do you mean that they may fall in love elsewhere?” +Ernest inquired.</p> + +<p>“They very likely <em>will</em> do so, if they make such an absurd start,” +Algitha declared.</p> + +<p>“And if they do?”</p> + +<p>“Then, if the sentiment stands test and trial, and proves genuine, and +not a silly freak, the fact ought to be frankly faced. Husband and wife +have no business to go on keeping up a bond that has become false and +irksome.”</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley broke into protest. “But surely you don’t mean to defend +such faithlessness.”</p> + +<p>Algitha would not admit that it <em>was</em> faithlessness. She said it was +mere honesty. She could see nothing inherently wrong in falling in love +genuinely after one arrived at years of discretion. She thought it +inherently idiotic, and worse, to make a choice that ought to be for +life, at years of <em>in</em>discretion. Still, people <em>were</em> idiotic, and +that must be considered, as well as all the other facts, such as the +difficulty of really knowing each other before marriage, owing to social +arrangements, and also owing to the training, which made men and women +always pose so ridiculously towards one another, pretending to be +something that they were not.</p> + +<p>“Well done, Algitha,” cried Ernest, laughing; “I like to hear you speak +out. Now tell me frankly: supposing you married quite young, before you +had had much experience; supposing you afterwards found that you and +your husband had both been deceiving yourselves and each other, +unconsciously perhaps; and suppose, when more fully awakened and +developed, you met another fellow and fell in love with him genuinely, +what would you do?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, she would just mention it to her husband casually,” Fred interposed +with a chuckle, “and disappear.”</p> + +<p>“I should certainly not go through terrific emotions and +self-accusations, and think the end of the world had come,” said Algitha +serenely. “I should calmly face the situation.”</p> + +<p>“Calmly! She by supposition being madly in love!” ejaculated Fred, with +a chuckle.</p> + +<p>“Calmly,” repeated Algitha. “And I should consider carefully what would +be best for all concerned. If I decided, after mature consideration and +self-testing, that I ought to leave my husband, I should leave him, as I +should hope he would leave me, in similar circumstances. That is my idea +of right.”</p> + +<p>“And is this also your idea of right, Miss Fullerton?” asked Temperley, +turning, in some trepidation, to Hadria.</p> + +<p>“That seems to me right in the abstract. One can’t pronounce for +particular cases where circumstances are entangled.”</p> + +<p>Hubert sank back in his chair, and ran his hand over his brow. He seemed +about to speak, but he checked himself.</p> + +<p>“Where did you get such extraordinary ideas from?” cried Miss Temperley.</p> + +<p>“They were like Topsy; they growed,” said Fred.</p> + +<p>“We have been in the habit of speculating freely on all subjects,” said +Ernest, “ever since we could talk. This is the blessed result!”</p> + +<p>“I am not quite so sure now, that the Preposterous Society meets with my +approval,” observed Miss Temperley.</p> + +<p>“If you had been brought up in the bosom of this Society, Miss +Temperley, you too, perhaps, would have come to this. Think of it!”</p> + +<p>“Does your mother know what sort of subjects you discuss?”</p> + +<p>There was a shout of laughter. “Mother used often to come into the +nursery and surprise us in hot discussion on the origin of evil,” said +Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Don’t you believe what she says, Miss Temperley,” cried Fred; “mother +never could teach Hadria the most rudimentary notions of accuracy.”</p> + +<p>“Her failure with my brothers, was in the department of manners,” Hadria +observed.</p> + +<p>“Then she does <em>not</em> know what you talk about?” persisted Henriette.</p> + +<p>“You ask her,” prompted Fred, with undisguised glee.</p> + +<p>“She never attends our meetings,” said Algitha.</p> + +<p>“Well, well, I cannot understand it!” cried Miss Temperley. “However, +you don’t quite know what you are talking about, and one mustn’t blame +you.”</p> + +<p>“No, don’t,” urged Fred; “we are a sensitive family.”</p> + +<p>“Shut up!” cried Ernest with a warning frown.</p> + +<p>“Oh, you are a coarse-grained exception; I speak of the family average,” +Fred answered with serenity.</p> + +<p>Henriette felt that nothing more could be done with this strange +audience. Her business was really with the President of the Society. The +girl was bent on ruining her life with these wild notions. Miss Temperley +decided that it would be better to talk to Hadria quietly in her own room, +away from the influence of these eccentric brothers and that extraordinary +sister. After all, it was Algitha who had originated the shocking view, +not Hadria, who had merely agreed, doubtless out of a desire to support +her sister.</p> + +<p>“I have not known you for seven years, but I am going to poke your +fire,” said Henriette, when they were established in Hadria’s room.</p> + +<p>“I never thought you would wait so long as that,” was Hadria’s ambiguous +reply.</p> + +<p>Then Henriette opened her batteries. She talked without interruption, +her companion listening, agreeing occasionally with her adversary, in a +disconcerting manner; then falling into silence.</p> + +<p>“It seems to me that you are making a very terrible mistake in your +life, Hadria. You have taken up a fixed idea about domestic duties and +all that, and are going to throw away your chances of forming a happy +home of your own, out of a mere prejudice. You may not admire Mrs. +Gordon’s existence; for my part I think she leads a very good, useful +life, but there is no reason why all married lives should be like hers.”</p> + +<p>“Why are they, then?”</p> + +<p>“I don’t see that they are.”</p> + +<p>“It is the prevailing type. It shows the way the domestic wind blows. +Fancy having to be always resisting such a wind. What an oblique, +shorn-looking object one would be after a few years!”</p> + +<p>Henriette grew eloquent. She recalled instances of women who had +fulfilled all their home duties, and been successful in other walks as +well; she drew pictures in attractive colours of Hadria in a home of her +own, with far more liberty than was possible under her parents’ roof; +and then she drew another picture of Hadria fifteen years hence at +Dunaghee.</p> + +<p>Hadria covered her face with her hands. “You who uphold all these social +arrangements, how do you feel when you find yourself obliged to urge me +to marry, not for the sake of the positive joys of domestic existence, +but for the merely negative advantage of avoiding a hapless and forlorn +state? You propose it as a <em>pis-aller</em>. Does <em>that</em> argue that all is +sound in the state of Denmark?”</p> + +<p>“If you had not this unreasonable objection to what is really a woman’s +natural destiny, the difficulty would not exist.”</p> + +<p>“Have women no pride?”</p> + +<p>Henriette did not answer.</p> + +<p>“Have they no sense of dignity? If one marries (accepting things on the +usual basis, of course) one gives to another person rights and powers +over one’s life that are practically boundless. To retain one’s +self-direction in case of dispute would be possible only on pain of +social ruin. I have little enough freedom now, heaven knows; but if I +married, why my very thoughts would become the property of another. +Thought, emotion, love itself, must pass under the yoke! There would be +no nook or corner entirely and indisputably my own.”</p> + +<p>“I should not regard that as a hardship,” said Henriette, “if I loved my +husband.”</p> + +<p>“I should consider it not only a hardship, but beyond endurance.”</p> + +<p>“But, my dear, you are impracticable.”</p> + +<p>“That is what I think domestic life is!” Hadria’s quiet tone was +suddenly changed to one of scorn. “You talk of love; what has love +worthy of the name to do with this preposterous interference with the +freedom of another person? If <em>that</em> is what love means—the craving +to possess and restrain and demand and hamper and absorb, and generally +make mincemeat of the beloved object, then preserve me from the +master-passion.”</p> + +<p>Henriette was baffled. “I don’t know how to make you see this in a truer +light,” she said. “There is something to my mind so beautiful in the +close union of two human beings, who pledge themselves to love and +honour one another, to face life hand in hand, to share every thought, +every hope, to renounce each his own wishes for the sake of the other.”</p> + +<p>“That sounds very elevating; in practice it breeds Mr. and Mrs. Gordon.”</p> + +<p>“Do you mean to tell me you will never marry on this account?”</p> + +<p>“I would never marry anyone who would exact the usual submissions and +renunciations, or even desire them, which I suppose amounts almost to +saying that I shall never marry at all. What man would endure a wife who +demanded to retain her absolute freedom, as in the case of a close +friendship? The man is not born!”</p> + +<p>“You seem to forget, dear Hadria, in objecting to place yourself under +the yoke, as you call it, that your husband would also be obliged to +resign part of <em>his</em> independence to you. The prospect of loss of +liberty in marriage often prevents a man from marrying (“Wise man!” +ejaculated Hadria), so you see the disadvantage is not all on one side, +if so you choose to consider it.”</p> + +<p>“Good heavens! do you think that the opportunity to interfere with +another person would console me for being interfered with myself? I +don’t want my share of the constraining power. I would as soon accept +the lash of a slave-driver. This moral lash is almost more odious than +the other, for its thongs are made of the affections and the domestic +‘virtues,’ than which there can be nothing sneakier or more detestable!”</p> + +<p>Henriette heaved a discouraged sigh. “You are wrong, my dear Hadria,” +she said emphatically; “you are wrong, wrong, wrong.”</p> + +<p>“How? why?”</p> + +<p>“One can’t have everything in this life. You must be willing to resign +part of your privileges for the sake of the far greater privileges that +you acquire.”</p> + +<p>“I can imagine nothing that would compensate for the loss of freedom, +the right to oneself.”</p> + +<p>“What about love?” murmured Henriette.</p> + +<p>“Love!” echoed Hadria scornfully. “Do you suppose I could ever love a +man who had the paltry, ungenerous instinct to enchain me?”</p> + +<p>“Why use such extreme terms? Love does not enchain.”</p> + +<p>“Exactly what I contend,” interrupted Hadria.</p> + +<p>“But naturally husband and wife have claims.”</p> + +<p>“Naturally. I have just been objecting to them in what you describe as +extreme terms.”</p> + +<p>“But I mean, when people care for one another, it is a joy to them to +acknowledge ties and obligations of affection.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! one knows what <em>that</em> euphemism means!”</p> + +<p>“Pray what does it mean?”</p> + +<p>“That the one serious endeavour in the life of married people is to be +able to call each other’s souls their own.”</p> + +<p>Henriette stared.</p> + +<p>“My language may not be limpid.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, I see what you mean. I was only wondering who can have taught you +all these strange ideas.”</p> + +<p>Hadria at length gave way to a laugh that had been threatening for some +time.</p> + +<p>“My mother,” she observed simply.</p> + +<p>Henriette gave it up.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">THE family had reassembled for the New Year’s festivities. The change in +Algitha since her departure from home was striking. She was gentler, +more affectionate to her parents, than of yore. The tendency to grow +hard and fretful had entirely disappeared. The sense of self was +obviously lessened with the need for self-defence. Hadria discovered +that an attachment was springing up between her sister and Wilfrid +Burton, about whom she wrote so frequently, and that this development of +her emotional nature, united with her work, had given a glowing centre +to her life which showed itself in a thousand little changes of manner +and thought. Hadria told her sister that she felt herself unreal and +fanciful in her presence. “I go twirling things round and round in my +head till I grow dizzy. But you compare ideas with fact; you even turn +ideas into fact; while I can get no hold on fact at all. Thoughts rise +as mists rise from the river, but nothing happens. I feel them begin to +prey upon me, working inwards.”</p> + +<p>Algitha shook her head. “It is a mad world,” she said. “Week after week +goes by, and there seems no lifting of the awful darkness in which the +lives of these millions are passed. We want workers by the thousand. +Yet, as if in mockery, the Devil keeps these well-fed thousands eating +their hearts out in idleness or artificial occupations till they become +diseased merely for want of something to do. Then,” added Algitha, “His +Majesty marries them, and sets them to work to create another houseful +of idle creatures, who have to be supported by the deathly toil of those +who labour too much.”</p> + +<p>“The devil is full of resources!” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley had been asked to stay at Dunaghee for the New Year. +Algitha conceived for her a sentiment almost vindictive. Hadria and the +boys enjoyed nothing better than to watch Miss Temperley giving forth +her opinions, while Algitha’s figure gradually stiffened and her neck +drew out, as Fred said, in truly telescopic fashion, like that of Alice +in Wonderland. The boys constructed a figure of cushions, stuffed into +one of Algitha’s old gowns, the neck being a padded broom-handle, made +to work up and down at pleasure; and with this counterfeit presentment +of their sister, they used to act the scene amidst shouts of applause, +Miss Temperley entering, on one occasion, when the improvised cocoa-nut +head had reached its culminating point of high disdain, somewhere about +the level of the curtain-poles.</p> + +<p>On New-Year’s-eve, Dunaghee was full of guests. There was to be a +children’s party, to which however most of the grown-up neighbours were +also invited.</p> + +<p>“What a charming sight!” cried Henriette, standing with her neat foot on +the fender in the hall, where the children were playing blind man’s +buff.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Fullerton sat watching them with a dreamy smile. The scene recalled +many an old memory. Mr. Fullerton was playing with the children.</p> + +<p>Everyone remarked how well the two girls looked in their new evening +gowns. They had made them themselves, in consequence of a wager with +Fred, who had challenged them to combine pink and green satisfactorily.</p> + +<p>“The gowns are perfect!” Temperley ventured to remark. “So much +distinction!”</p> + +<p>“All my doing,” cried Fred. “I chose the colours.”</p> + +<p>“Distinction comes from within,” said Temperley. “I should like to see +what sort of gown in pink and green Mrs. ——.” He stopped short +abruptly.</p> + +<p>Fred gave a chuckle. Indiscreet eyes wandered towards Mrs. Gordon’s +brocade and silver.</p> + +<p>Later in the evening, that lady played dance music in a florid manner, +resembling her taste in dress. The younger children had gone home, and +the hall was filled with spinning couples.</p> + +<p>“I hope we are to have some national dances,” said Miss Temperley. “My +brother and I are both looking forward to seeing a true reel danced by +natives of the country.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, certainly!” said Mr. Fullerton. “My daughters are rather celebrated +for their reels, especially Hadria.” Mr. Fullerton executed a step or +two with great agility.</p> + +<p>“The girl gets quite out of herself when she is dancing,” said Mrs. +Fullerton. “She won’t be scolded about it, for she says she takes after +her father!”</p> + +<p>“That’s the time to get round her,” observed Fred. “If we want to set +her up to some real fun, we always play a reel and wait till she’s well +into the spirit of the thing, and then, I’ll wager, she would stick at +nothing.”</p> + +<p>“It’s a fact,” added Ernest. “It really seems to half mesmerise her.”</p> + +<p>“How very curious!” cried Miss Temperley.</p> + +<p>She and her brother found themselves watching the dancing a little apart +from the others.</p> + +<p>“I would try again to-night, Hubert,” she said in a low voice.</p> + +<p>He was silent for a moment, twirling the tassel of the curtain.</p> + +<p>“There is nothing to be really alarmed at in her ideas, regrettable as +they are. She is young. That sort of thing will soon wear off after she +is married.”</p> + +<p>Temperley flung away the tassel.</p> + +<p>“She doesn’t know what she is talking about. These high-flown lectures +and discussions have filled all their heads with nonsense. It will have +to be rooted out when they come to face the world. No use to oppose her +now. Nothing but experience will teach her. She must just be humoured +for the present. They have all run a little wild in their notions. Time +will cure that.”</p> + +<p>“I am sure of it,” said Hubert tolerantly. “They don’t know the real +import of what they say.” He hugged this sentence with satisfaction.</p> + +<p>“They are like the young Russians one reads about in Turgenieff’s +novels,” said Henriette—“all ideas, no common-sense.”</p> + +<p>“And you really believe——?”</p> + +<p>Henriette’s hand was laid comfortingly on her brother’s arm.</p> + +<p>“Dear Hubert, I know something of my sex. After a year of married life, +a woman has too many cares and responsibilities to trouble about ideas +of this kind, or of any other.”</p> + +<p>“She strikes me as being somewhat persistent by nature,” said Hubert, +choosing a gentler word than <em>obstinate</em> to describe the quality in the +lady of his affections.</p> + +<p>“Let her be as persistent as she may, it is not possible for any woman +to resist the laws and beliefs of Society. What can she do against all +the world? She can’t escape from the conditions of her epoch. Oh! she +may talk boldly now, for she does not understand; she is a mere infant +as regards knowledge of the world, but once a wife——”</p> + +<p>Henriette smiled and shook her head, by way of finish to her sentence. +Hubert mused silently for some minutes.</p> + +<p>“I could not endure that there should be any disturbance—any +eccentricity—in our life——”</p> + +<p>“My dear boy, if you don’t trust to the teaching of experience to cure +Hadria of these fantastic notions, rely upon the resistless persuasions +of our social facts and laws. Nothing can stand against them—certainly +not the fretful heresies of an inexperienced girl, who, remember, is +really good and kind at heart.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! yes,” cried Hubert; “a fine nature, full of good instincts, and +womanly to her finger-tips.”</p> + +<p>“Oh! if she were not that, <em>I</em> would never encourage you to think of +her,” cried Henriette with a shudder. “It is on this essential goodness +of heart that I rely. She would never be able, try as she might, to act +in a manner that would really distress those who were dear to her. You +may count upon that securely.”</p> + +<p>“Yes; I am sure of it,” said Hubert, “but unluckily” (he shook his head +and sighed) “I am not among those who are dear to her.”</p> + +<p>He rose abruptly, and Henriette followed him.</p> + +<p>“Try to win her to-night,” she murmured, “and be sure to express no +opposition to her ideas, however wild they may be. Ignore them, humour +her, plead your cause once more on this auspicious day—the last of the +old year. Something tells me that the new year will begin joyously for +you. Go now, and good luck to you.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! here you are,” cried Mr. Fullerton, “we were wondering what had +become of you. You said you wished to see a reel. Mrs. McPherson is so +good as to play for us.”</p> + +<p>The kindly old Scottish dame had come, with two nieces, from a distance +of ten miles.</p> + +<p>A thrill ran through the company when the strange old tune began. +Everyone rushed for a partner, and two long rows of figures stood facing +one another, eager to start. Temperley asked Hadria to dance with him. +Algitha had Harold Wilkins for a partner. The two long rows were soon +stepping and twirling with zest and agility. A new and wilder spirit +began to possess the whole party. The northern blood took fire and +transfigured the dancers. The Temperleys seemed to be fashioned of +different clay; they were able to keep their heads. Several elderly +people had joined in the dance, performing their steps with a +conscientious dexterity that put some of their juniors to shame. Mr. +Fullerton stood by, looking on and applauding.</p> + +<p>“How your father seems to enjoy the sight!” said Temperley, as he met +his partner for a moment.</p> + +<p>“He likes nothing so well, and his daughters take after him.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s reels were celebrated, not without reason. Some mad spirit +seemed to possess her. It would appear almost as if she had passed into +a different phase of character. She lost caution and care and the sense +of external events.</p> + +<p>When the dance was ended, Hubert led her from the hall. She went as if +in a dream. She would not allow herself to be taken beyond the sound of +the grotesque old dance music that was still going on, but otherwise she +was unresisting.</p> + +<p>He sat down beside her in a corner of the dining-room. Now and then he +glanced at his companion, and seemed about to speak. “You seem fond of +your national music,” he at last remarked.</p> + +<p>“It fills me with bewildering memories,” she said in a dreamy tone. “It +seems to recall—it eludes description—some wild, primitive +experiences—mountains, mists—I can’t express what northern mysteries. +It seems almost as if I had lived before, among some ancient Celtic +people, and now, when I hear their music—or sometimes when I hear the +sound of wind among the pines—whiffs and gusts of something intensely +familiar return to me, and I cannot grasp it. It is very bewildering.”</p> + +<p>“The only thing that happens to me of the kind is that curious sense of +having done a thing before. Strange to say, I feel it now. This moment +is not new to me.”</p> + +<p>Hadria gave a startled glance at her companion, and shuddered.</p> + +<p>“I suppose it is all pre-ordained,” she said. He was puzzled, but more +hopeful than usual. Hadria might almost have accepted him in sheer +absence of mind. He put the thought in different terms. He began to +speak more boldly. He gave his view of life and happiness, his +philosophy and religion. Hadria lazily agreed. She lay under a singular +spell. The bizarre old music smote still upon the ear. She felt as if +she were in the thrall of some dream whose events followed one another, +as the scenes of a moving panorama unfold themselves before the +spectators. Temperley began to plead his cause. Hadria, with a startled +look in her eyes, tried to check him. But her will refused to issue a +vigorous command. Even had he been hateful to her, which he certainly +was not, she felt that she would have been unable to wake out of the +nightmare, and resume the conduct of affairs. The sense of the +importance of personal events had entirely disappeared. What did it all +matter? “Over us stars and under us graves.” The graves would put it all +right some day. As for attempting to direct one’s fate, and struggle out +of the highways of the world—midsummer madness! It was not only the +Mrs. Gordons, but the Valeria Du Prels who told one so. Everybody said +(but in discreeter terms), “Disguise from yourself the solitude by +setting up little screens of affections, and little pompous affairs +about which you must go busily, and with all the solemnity that you can +muster.”</p> + +<p>The savage builds his mud hut to shelter him from the wind and the rain +and the terror of the beyond. Outside is the wilderness ready to engulf +him. Rather than be left alone at the mercy of elemental things, with no +little hut, warm and dark and stuffy, to shelter one, a woman will +sacrifice everything—liberty, ambition, health, power, her very +dignity. There was a letter in Hadria’s pocket at this moment, +eloquently protesting in favour of the mud hut.</p> + +<p>Hadria must have been appearing to listen favourably to Temperley’s +pleading, for he said eagerly, “Then I have not spoken this time quite +in vain. I may hope that perhaps some day——”</p> + +<p>“Some day,” repeated Hadria, passing her hand across her eyes. “It +doesn’t really matter. I mean we make too much fuss about these trifles; +don’t you think so?” She spoke dreamily. The music was jigging on with +strange merriment.</p> + +<p>“To me it matters very much indeed. I don’t consider it a trifle,” said +Temperley, in some bewilderment.</p> + +<p>“Oh, not to ourselves. But of what importance are we?”</p> + +<p>“None at all, in a certain sense,” Temperley admitted; “but in another +sense we are all important. I cannot help being intensely personal at +this moment. I can’t help grasping at the hope of happiness. Hadria, it +lies in your hand. Won’t you be generous?”</p> + +<p>She gave a distressed gesture, and seemed to make some vain effort, as +when the victim of a nightmare struggles to overcome the paralysis that +holds him.</p> + +<p>“Then I may hope a little, Hadria—I <em>must</em> hope.”</p> + +<p>Still the trance seemed to hold her enthralled. The music was +diabolically merry. She could fancy evil spirits tripping to it in +swarms around her. They seemed to point at her, and wave their arms +around her, and from them came an influence, magnetic in its quality, +that forbade her to resist. All had been pre-arranged. Nothing could +avert it. She seemed to be waiting rather than acting. Against her inner +judgment, she had allowed those accursed practices to go on. Against her +instinct, she had permitted Henriette to become intimate at Dunaghee; +indeed it would have been hard to avoid it, for Miss Temperley was not +easy to discourage. Why had she assured Hadria so pointedly that Hubert +would not misinterpret her consent to renew the practices? Was it not a +sort of treachery? Had not Henriette, with her larger knowledge of the +world, been perfectly well aware that whatever might be said, the +renewal of the meetings would be regarded as encouragement? Did she not +know that Hadria herself would feel implicated by the concession?</p> + +<p>Temperley’s long silence had been misleading. The danger had crept up +insidiously. And had she not been treacherous to herself? She had longed +for companionship, for music, for something to break the strain of her +wild, lonely life. Knowing, or rather half-divining the risk, she had +allowed herself to accept the chance of relief when it came. Lack of +experience had played a large part in the making of to-night’s dilemma. +Hadria’s own strange mood was another ally to her lover, and for that, +old Mrs. McPherson and her reels were chiefly responsible. Of such +flimsy trifles is the human fate often woven.</p> + +<p>“Tell me, did you ask your sister to——?”</p> + +<p>“No, no,” Hubert interposed. “My sister knows of my hopes, and is +anxious that I should succeed.”</p> + +<p>“I thought that she was helping you.”</p> + +<p>“She would take any legitimate means to help me,” said Hubert. “You +cannot resent that. Ah, Hadria, why will you not listen to me?” He bent +forward, covering his face with his hands in deep dejection. His hope +had begun to wane.</p> + +<p>“You know what I think,” said Hadria. “You know how I should act if I +married. Surely that ought to cure you of all——.”</p> + +<p>He seized her hand.</p> + +<p>“No, no, nothing that you may think could cure me of the hope of making +you my wife. I care for what you <em>are</em>, not for what you <em>think</em>. You +know how little I cling to the popular version of the domestic story. I +have told you over and over again that it offends me in a thousand ways. +I hate the <em>bourgeois</em> element in it. What have we really to disagree +about?”</p> + +<p>He managed to be very convincing. He shewed that for a woman, life in +her father’s house is far less free than in her own home; that existence +could be moulded to any shape she pleased. If Hadria hesitated only on +this account her last reason was gone. It was not fair to him. He had +been patient. He had kept silence for many months. But he could endure +the suspense no longer. He took her hand. Then suddenly she rose.</p> + +<p>“No, no. I can’t, I can’t,” she cried desperately.</p> + +<p>“I will not listen to denial,” he said following her. “I cannot stand a +second disappointment. You have allowed me to hope.”</p> + +<p>“How? When? Never!” she exclaimed.</p> + +<p>“Ah, yes, Hadria. I am older than you and I have more experience. Do you +think a man will cease to hope while he continues to see the woman he +loves?”</p> + +<p>Hadria turned very pale.</p> + +<p>“You seemed to have forgotten—your sister assured me—Ah, it was +treacherous, it was cruel. She took advantage of my ignorance, my +craving for companionship.”</p> + +<p>“No, it is you who are cruel, Hadria, to make such accusations. I do not +claim the slightest consideration because you permitted those practices. +But you cannot suppose that my feeling has not been confirmed and +strengthened since I have seen you again. Why should you turn from me? +Why may I not hope to win you? If you have no repugnance to me, why +should not I have a chance? Hadria, Hadria, answer me, for heaven’s +sake. Oh, if I could only understand what is in your mind!”</p> + +<p>She would have found it a hard task to enlighten him. He had succeeded, +to some extent, in lulling her fears, not in banishing them, for a +sinister dread still muttered its warning beneath the surface thoughts.</p> + +<p>The strength of Temperley’s emotion had stirred her. The magic of +personal influence had begun to tell upon her. It was so hard not to +believe when someone insisted with such certainty, with such obvious +sincerity, that everything would be right. He seemed so confident that +she could make him happy, strange as it appeared. Perhaps after all——? +And what a release from the present difficulties. But could one trust? A +confused mass of feeling struggled together. A temptation to give the +answer that would cause pleasure was very strong, and beneath all lurked +a trembling hope that perhaps this was the way of escape. In apparent +contradiction to this, or to any other hope, lay a sense of fatality, a +sad indifference, interrupted at moments by flashes of very desperate +caring, when suddenly the love of life, the desire for happiness and +experience, for the exercise of her power, for its use in the service of +her generation, became intense, and then faded away again, as obstacles +presented their formidable array before the mind. In the midst of the +confusion the thought of the Professor hovered vaguely, with a dim +distressing sense of something wrong, of something within her lost and +wretched and forlorn.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Fullerton passed through the room on the arm of Mr. Gordon. How +delighted her mother would be if she were to give up this desperate +attempt to hold out against her appointed fate. What if her mother and +Mrs. Gordon and all the world were perfectly right and far-seeing and +wise? Did it not seem more likely, on the face of it, that they <em>should</em> +be right, considering the enormous majority of those who would agree +with them, than that she, Hadria, a solitary girl, unsupported by +knowledge of life or by fellow-believers, should have chanced upon the +truth? Had only Valeria been on her side, she would have felt secure, +but Valeria was dead against her.</p> + +<p>“We are not really at variance, believe me,” Temperley pleaded. “You +state things rather more strongly than I do—a man used to knocking +about the world—but I don’t believe there is any radical difference +between us.” He worked himself up into the belief that there never were +two human beings so essentially at one, on all points, as he and Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Do you remember the debate that evening in the garret? Do you remember +the sentiments that scared your sister so much?” she asked.</p> + +<p>Temperley remembered.</p> + +<p>“Well, I don’t hold those sentiments merely for amusement and +recreation. I mean them. I should not hesitate a moment to act upon +them. If things grew intolerable, according to my view of things, I +should simply go away, though twenty marriage-services had been read +over my head. Neither Algitha nor I have any of the notions that +restrain women in these matters. We would brook no such bonds. The usual +claims and demands we would neither make nor submit to. You heard +Algitha speak very plainly on the matter. So you see, we are entirely +unsuitable as wives, except to the impossible men who might share our +rebellion. Please let us go back to the hall. They are just beginning to +dance another reel.”</p> + +<p>“I cannot let you go back. Oh, Hadria, you can’t be so unjust as to +force me to break off in this state of uncertainty. Just give me a word +of hope, however slight, and I will be satisfied.”</p> + +<p>Hadria looked astonished. “Have you really taken in what I have just +said?”</p> + +<p>“Every word of it.”</p> + +<p>“And you realise that I mean it, <em>mean</em> it, with every fibre of me.”</p> + +<p>“I understand; and I repeat that I shall not be happy until you are my +wife. Have what ideas you please, only be my wife.”</p> + +<p>She gazed at him in puzzled scrutiny. “You don’t think I am really in +earnest. Let us go.”</p> + +<p>“I know you are in earnest,” he cried, eagerly following her, “and still +I——”</p> + +<p>At that moment Harold Wilkins came up to claim Hadria for a promised +dance. Temperley gave a gesture of impatience. But Harold insisted, and +Hadria walked with her partner into the hall where Mrs. Gordon was now +playing a sentimental waltz, with considerable poetic license as to +time. As everyone said: Mrs. Gordon played with so much expression.</p> + +<p>Temperley stood about in corners watching Hadria. She was flushed and +silent, dancing with a still gliding movement under the skilful guidance +of her partner.</p> + +<p>Temperley tried to win a glance as she passed round, but her eyes were +resolutely fixed on the floor.</p> + +<p>Algitha followed her sister’s movements uneasily. She had noticed her +absence during the last reel, and observed that Temperley also was not +to be seen. She felt anxious. She knew Hadria’s emotional +susceptibility. She knew Temperley’s convincing faculty, and also +Hadria’s uneasy feeling that she had done wrong in allowing the +practices to be resumed.</p> + +<p>Henriette had not failed to notice the signs of the times, and she +annoyed Algitha beyond endurance by her obviously sisterly manner of +addressing the family. She had taken to calling the boys by their first +names.</p> + +<p>Fred shared his sister’s dislike to Henriette. “Tact!” he cried with a +snort, “why a Temperley rushes in where a bull in a china-shop would +fear to tread!”</p> + +<p>Algitha saw that Hubert was again by Hadria’s side before the evening +was out. The latter looked white, and she avoided her sister’s glance. +This last symptom seemed to Algitha the worst.</p> + +<p>“What’s the matter with Hadria?” asked Fred, “she will scarcely speak to +me. I was just telling her the best joke I’ve heard this year, and, will +you believe me, she didn’t see the point! Yes, you may well stare! I +tried again and she gave a nervous giggle; I am relating to you the +exact truth. Do any of the epidemics come on like that?”</p> + +<p>“Yes, one of the worst,” said Algitha gloomily. Fred glared enquiry.</p> + +<p>“I am afraid she has been led into accepting Hubert Temperley.”</p> + +<p>Fred opened his mouth and breathed deep. “Stuff! Hadria would as soon +think of selling her soul to the devil.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, she is quite capable of that too,” said Algitha, shaking her head.</p> + +<p>“Well, I’m blowed,” cried Fred.</p> + +<p>Not long after this, the guests began to disperse. Mrs. Gordon and her +party were among the last to leave, having a shorter distance to go.</p> + +<p>Hubert Temperley was quiet and self-possessed, but Algitha felt sure +that she detected a look of suppressed exultation in his demeanour, and +something odiously brotherly in his mode of bidding them all good-night.</p> + +<p>When everyone had left, and the family were alone, they gathered round +the hall fire for a final chat, before dispersing for the night.</p> + +<p>“What a delightful evening we have had, Mrs. Fullerton,” said Miss +Temperley. “It was most picturesque and characteristic. I shall always +remember the charm and kindliness of Scottish hospitality.”</p> + +<p>“And I,” said Ernest, <em>sotto voce</em> to Algitha, “shall always remember +the calm and thoroughness of English cheek!”</p> + +<p>“Why, we had almost forgotten that the New Year is just upon us,” +exclaimed Mr. Fullerton. The first stroke of twelve began to sound +almost as he spoke. He threw up the window and disclosed a night +brilliant with stars. (“And under us graves,” said Hadria to herself.)</p> + +<p>They all crowded up, keeping silence as the slow strokes of the clock +told the hour.</p> + +<p>“A Happy New Year to all!” cried Mr. Fullerton heartily.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>Part II.</h2> + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> + +<h2>CHAPTER XVI.</h2> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i22">“... when the steam<br /></span> +<span class="i11">Floats up from those dim fields about the homes<br /></span> +<span class="i11">Of happy men that have the power to die.”<br /></span> +<span class="i21"><em>Tithonius</em>, <span class="smcap">Tennyson</span>.<br /></span> +</div></div> + + +<p class="cap">A COUNTRYMAN with stooping gait touched his cap and bid good-day to a +young woman who walked rapidly along the crisp high road, smiling a +response as she passed.</p> + +<p>The road led gradually upward through a country blazing with red and +orange for rolling miles, till the horizon closed in with the far-off +blue of English hills.</p> + +<p>The old man slowly turned to watch the wayfarer, whose quick step and +the look in her eyes of being fixed on objects beyond their owner’s +immediate ken, might have suggested to the observant, inward +perturbation. The lissom, swiftly moving figure was almost out of sight +before the old man slowly wheeled round and continued on his way towards +the hamlet of Craddock Dene, that lay in the valley about a mile further +on. Meanwhile the young woman was speeding towards the village of +Craddock on the summit of the gentle slope before her. A row of +broad-tiled cottages came in sight, and on the hill-side the Vicarage +among trees, and a grey stone church which had seen many changes since +its tower first looked out from the hill-top over the southern counties.</p> + +<p>The little village seemed as if it had forgotten to change with the rest +of the country, for at least a hundred years. The spirit of the last +century lingered in its quiet cottages, in the little ale-house with +half-obliterated sign, in its air of absolute repose and leisure. There +was no evidence of contest anywhere—except perhaps in a few mouldy +advertisements of a circus and of a remarkable kind of soap, that were +half peeling off a moss-covered wall. There were not even many +indications of life in the place. The sunshine seemed to have the +village street to itself. A couple of women stood gossiping over the +gate of one of the cottages. They paused in their talk as a quick step +sounded on the road.</p> + +<p>“There be Mrs. Temperley again!” one matron exclaimed. “Why this is the +second time this week, as she’s come and sat in the churchyard along o’ +the dead. Don’t seem nat’ral to my thinking.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Dodge and Mrs. Gullick continued to discuss this gloomy habit with +exhaustive minuteness, involving themselves in side issues regarding the +general conduct of life on the part of Mrs. Temperley, that promised +solid material for conversation for the next week. It appeared from the +observations of Mrs. Gullick, whose husband worked on Lord Engleton’s +model farm, that about five years ago Mr. Temperley had rented the Red +House at Craddock Dene, and had brought his new wife to live there. The +Red House belonged to Professor Fortescue, who also owned the Priory, +which had stood empty, said Mrs. Gullick, since that poor Mrs. Fortescue +killed herself in the old drawing-room. Mr. Temperley went every day to +town to attend to his legal business, and returned by the evening train +to the bosom of his family. That family now consisted in his wife and +two small boys; pretty little fellows, added Mrs. Dodge, the pride of +their parents’ hearts; at least, so she had heard Mr. Joseph Fleming +say, and he was intimate at the Red House. Mrs. Gullick did not exactly +approve of Mrs. Temperley. The Red House was not, it would seem, an +ever-flowing fount of sustaining port wine and spiritually nourishing +literature. The moral evolution of the village had proceeded on those +lines. The prevailing feeling was vaguely hostile; neither Mrs. Gullick +nor Mrs. Dodge exactly knew why. Mrs. Dodge said that her husband (who +was the sexton and gravedigger) had found Mrs. Temperley always ready +for a chat. He spoke well of her. But Dodge was not one of many. Mrs. +Temperley was perhaps too sensitively respectful of the feelings of her +poorer neighbours to be very popular among them. At any rate, her habits +of seclusion did not seem to village philosophy to be justifiable in the +eyes of God or man. Her apparent fondness for the society of the dead +also caused displeasure. Why she went to the churchyard could not be +imagined: one would think she had a family buried there, she who was, +“as one might say, a stranger to the place,” and could not be supposed +to have any interest in the graves, which held for her nor kith nor kin!</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley, however, appeared to be able to dispense with this +element of attraction in the “grassy barrows.” She and a company of +youthful Cochin-China fowls remained for hours among them, on this +cheerful morning, and no observer could have determined whether it was +the graves or the fowls that riveted her attention. She had perched +herself on the stile that led from the churchyard to the fields: a +slender figure in serviceable russet and irresponsible-looking hat, +autumn-tinted too, in sympathy with the splendid season. In her ungloved +left hand, which was at once sensitive and firm, she carried a book, +keeping a forefinger between the pages to mark a passage.</p> + +<p>Her face bore signs of suffering, and at this moment, a look of baffled +and restless longing, as if life had been for her a festival whose +sounds came from a hopeless distance. Yet there was something in the +expression of the mouth, that suggested a consistent standing aloof from +herself and her desires. The lines of the face could never have been +drawn by mere diffusive, emotional habits. Thought had left as many +traces as feeling in the firm drawing. The quality of the face was of +that indefinable kind that gives to all characteristic things their +peculiar power over the imagination. The more powerful the quality, the +less can it be rendered into terms. It is the one marvellous, remaining, +musical fact not to be defined that makes the Parthenon, or some other +masterpiece of art, translate us to a new plane of existence, and +inspire, for the time being, the pessimist with hope and the sceptic +with religion.</p> + +<p>The Cochin-Chinas pecked about with a contented mien among the long +grass, finding odds and ends of nourishment, and here and there eking +out their livelihood with a dart at a passing fly. Their long, comic, +tufted legs, which seemed to form a sort of monumental pedestal whereon +the bird itself was elevated, stalked and scratched about with an air of +industrious serenity.</p> + +<p>There were few mornings in the year which left unstirred the grass which +grew long over the graves, but this was one of the few. Each blade stood +up still and straight, bearing its string of dewdrops. There were one or +two village sounds that came subdued through the sunshine. The winds +that usually haunted the high spot had fallen asleep, or were lying +somewhere in ambush among the woodlands beyond.</p> + +<p>The look of strain had faded from the face of Mrs. Temperley, leaving +only an expression of sadness. The removal of all necessity for +concealing thought allowed her story to write itself on her face. The +speculative would have felt some curiosity as to the cause of a sadness +in one seemingly so well treated by destiny. Neither poverty nor the +cares of great wealth could have weighed upon her spirit; she had +beauty, and a quality more attractive than beauty, which must have +placed many things at her command; she had evident talent—her very +attitude proclaimed it—and the power over Fortune that talent ought to +give. Possibly, the observer might reflect, the gift was of that kind +which lays the possessor peculiarly open to her outrageous slings and +arrows. Had Mrs. Temperley shown any morbid signs of self-indulgent +emotionalism the problem would have been simple enough; but this was +not the case.</p> + +<p>The solitude was presently broken by the approach of an old man laden +with pickaxe and shovel. He remarked upon the fineness of the day, and +took up his position at a short distance from the stile, where the turf +had been cleared away in a long-shaped patch. Here, with great deliberation +he began his task. The sound of his steady strokes fell on the stillness. +Presently, the clock from the grey tower gave forth its announcement—eleven. +One by one, the slow hammer sent the waves of air rolling away, almost visibly, +through the sunshine, their sound alternating with the thud of the pickaxe, +so as to produce an effect of intentional rhythm. One might have fancied that +clock and pickaxe iterated in turn, “Time, Death! Time, Death! Time, Death!” +till the clock had come to the end of its tale, and then the pickaxe went on +alone in the stillness—“Death! Death! Death! Death!”</p> + +<p>A smile, not easy to be accounted for, flitted across the face of Mrs. +Temperley.</p> + +<p>The old gravedigger paused at last in his toil, leaning on his pickaxe, +and bringing a red cotton handkerchief out of his hat to wipe his brow.</p> + +<p>“That seems rather hard work, Dodge,” remarked the onlooker, leaning her +book upright on her knee and her chin on her hand.</p> + +<p>“Ay, that it be, mum; this clay’s that stiff! Lord! folks is almost as +much trouble to them as buries as to them as bears ’em; it’s all trouble +together, to my thinkin’.”</p> + +<p>She assented with a musing nod.</p> + +<p>“And when a man’s not a troublin’ o’ some other body, he’s a troublin’ +of hisself,” added the philosopher.</p> + +<p>“You are cursed with a clear-sightedness that must make life a burden to +you,” said Mrs. Temperley.</p> + +<p>“Well, mum, I do sort o’ see the bearin’s o’ things better nor most,” +Dodge modestly admitted. The lady knew, and liked to gratify, the +gravedigger’s love of long-worded discourse.</p> + +<p>“Some people,” she said, “are born contemplative, while others never +reflect at all, whatever the provocation.”</p> + +<p>“Yes’m, that’s just it; folks goes on as if they was to live for ever, +without no thought o’ dyin’. As you was a sayin’ jus’ now, mum, there’s +them as contemflecs natural like, and there’s them as is born without +provocation——”</p> + +<p>“Everlastingly!” assented Mrs. Temperley with a sudden laugh. “You +evidently, Dodge, are one of those who strive to read the riddle of this +painful earth. Tell me what you think it is all about.”</p> + +<p>Gratified by this appeal to his judgment, Dodge scratched his head, and +leant both brawny arms upon his pickaxe.</p> + +<p>“Well, mum,” he said, “I s’pose it’s the will o’ th’ Almighty as we is +brought into the world, and I don’t say nothin’ agin it—’tisn’t my +place—but it do come over me powerful at times, wen I sees all the +vexin’ as folks has to go through, as God A’mighty might ’a found +somethin’ better to do with His time; not as I wants to find no fault +with His ways, which is past finding out,” added the gravedigger, +falling to work again.</p> + +<p>A silence of some minutes was broken by Mrs. Temperley’s enquiry as to +how long Dodge had followed this profession.</p> + +<p>“Nigh on twenty year, mum, come Michaelmas,” replied Dodge. “I’ve lain +my couple o’ hundred under the sod, easy; and a fine lot o’ corpses they +was too, take ’em one with another.” Dodge was evidently prepared to +stand up for the average corpse of the Craddock district against all +competitors.</p> + +<p>“This is a very healthy neighbourhood, I suppose,” observed Mrs. +Temperley, seemingly by way of supplying an explanation of the proud +fact.</p> + +<p>“Lord bless you, as healthy as any place in the kingdom. There wasn’t +one in ten as was ill when he died, as one may say.”</p> + +<p>“But that scarcely seems an unmixed blessing,” commented the lady +musingly, “to go off suddenly in the full flush of health and spirits; +it would be so discouraging.”</p> + +<p>“Most was chills, took sudden,” Dodge explained; “chills is wot chokes +up yer churchyards for yer. If we has another hard winter this year, we +shall have a job to find room in here. There’s one or two in the village +already, as I has my eye on, wot——”</p> + +<p>“Was this one a chill?” interrupted Mrs. Temperley, with a nod towards +the new grave.</p> + +<p>“Wot, this here? Lord bless you, no, mum. This here’s our schoolmarm. +Didn’t you never hear tell about <em>her</em>?” This damning proof of his +companion’s aloofness from village gossip seemed to paralyse the +gravedigger.</p> + +<p>“Why everybody’s been a talkin’ about it. Over varty, she war, and ought +to ’a knowed better.”</p> + +<p>“But, with advancing years, it is rare that people <em>do</em> get to know +better—about dying,” Mrs. Temperley suggested, in defence of the +deceased schoolmistress.</p> + +<p>“I means about her conduc’,” Dodge explained; “scand’lous thing. Why, +she’s been in Craddock school since she war a little chit o’ sixteen.”</p> + +<p>“That seems to me a trifle dull, but scarcely scandalous,” Mrs. +Temperley murmured.</p> + +<p>“... And as steady and respectable a young woman as you’d wish to see +... pupil teacher she was, and she rose to be schoolmarm,” Dodge went +on.</p> + +<p>“It strikes me as a most blameless career,” said his companion. +“Perhaps, as you say, considering her years, she ought to have known +better, but——”</p> + +<p>“She sort o’ belongs to the place, as one may say,” Dodge proceeded, +evidently quite unaware that he had omitted to give the clue to the +situation. “She’s lived here all her life.”</p> + +<p>“Then much may be forgiven her,” muttered Mrs. Temperley.</p> + +<p>“And everybody respected of her, and the parson he thought a deal o’ her, +he did, and used to hold her up as a sample to the other young women, and +nobody dreamt as she’d go and bring this here scandal on the place; nobody +knows who the man was, but it <em>is</em> said as there’s someone <em>not</em> +twenty miles from here as knows more about it nor he didn’t ought to,” +Dodge added with sinister meaning. This dark hint conveyed absolutely no +enlightenment to the mind of Mrs. Temperley, from sheer lack of familiarity, +on her part, with the rumours of the district. Dodge applied himself with +a spurt to his work.</p> + +<p>“When she had her baby, she was like one out of her mind,” he continued; +“she couldn’t stand the disgrace and the neighbours talkin’, and that. +Mrs. Walker she went and saw her, and brought her nourishin’ things, and +kep’ on a-telling her how she must try and make up for what she had +done, and repent and all that; but she never got up her heart again +like, and the poor soul took fever from grievin’, the doctor says, and +raved on dreadful, accusin’ of somebody, and sayin’ he’d sent her to +hell; and then Wensday morning, ten o’clock, she died. Didn’t you hear +the passing bell a-tolling, mum?”</p> + +<p>“Yes, the wind brought it down the valley; but I did not know whom it +was tolling for.”</p> + +<p>“That’s who it was,” said Dodge.</p> + +<p>“This is an awfully sad story,” cried Mrs. Temperley.</p> + +<p>Dodge ran his fingers through his hair judicially. “I don’t hold with +them sort o’ goings on for young women,” he observed.</p> + +<p>“Do you hold with them for young men?”</p> + +<p>Dodge puckered up his face into an odd expression of mingled reflection +and worldly wisdom. “You can’t prevent young fellers bein’ young +fellers,” he at length observed.</p> + +<p>“It seems almost a pity that being young fellows should also mean being +blackguards,” observed Mrs. Temperley calmly.</p> + +<p>“Well, there’s somethin’ to be said for that way o’ lookin’ at it,” +Dodge was startled into agreeing.</p> + +<p>“I suppose <em>she</em> gets all the blame of the thing,” the lady went on, +with quiet exasperation. Dodge seemed thrown off his bearings.</p> + +<p>“Everybody in Craddock was a-talking about it, as was only to be +expected,” said the gravedigger. “Well, well, we’re all sinners. Don’t +do to be too hard on folks. ’Pears sad like after keepin’ ’spectable for +all them years too—sort o’ waste.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley gave a little laugh, which seemed to Dodge rather +eccentric.</p> + +<p>“Who is looking after the baby?” she asked.</p> + +<p>“One of the neighbours, name o’ Gullick, as her husband works for Lord +Engleton, which she takes in washing,” Dodge comprehensively explained.</p> + +<p>“Had its mother no relatives?”</p> + +<p>“Well, she had an aunt down at Southampton, I’ve heard tell, but she +didn’t take much notice of her, not <em>she</em> didn’t. Her mother only died +last year, took off sudden before her daughter could get to her.”</p> + +<p>“Your schoolmistress has known trouble,” observed Mrs. Temperley. “Had +she no one, no sister, no friend, during all this time that she could +turn to for help or counsel?”</p> + +<p>“Not as I knows of,” Dodge replied.</p> + +<p>There was a long pause, during which the stillness seemed to weigh upon +the air, as if the pressure of Fate were hanging there with ruthless +immobility.</p> + +<p>“She ain’t got no more to suffer now,” Dodge remarked, nodding with an +aspect of half apology towards the grave. “They sleeps soft as sleeps +here.”</p> + +<p>“Good heavens, I hope so!” Mrs. Temperley exclaimed.</p> + +<p>The grave had made considerable progress before she descended from the +stile and prepared to take her homeward way. On leaving, she made Dodge +come with her to the gate, and point out the red-roofed cottage covered +with monthly roses and flaming creeper, where the schoolmistress had +passed so many years, and where she now lay with her work and her days +all over, in the tiny upper room, at whose latticed window the sun used +to wake her on summer mornings, or the winter rain pattered dreary +prophecies of the tears that she would one day shed.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2> + + +<p><span class="dropcap">“I</span>F you please, ma’am, the cook says as the meat hasn’t come for lunch, +and what is she to do?”</p> + +<p>“Without,” replied Mrs. Temperley automatically.</p> + +<p>The maid waited for more discreet directions. She had given a month’s +notice that very morning, because she found Craddock Dene too dull.</p> + +<p>“Thank goodness, that barbarian is going!” Hubert had exclaimed.</p> + +<p>“We shall but exchange a Goth for a Vandal,” his wife replied.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley gazed intently at her maid, the light of intelligence +gradually dawning in her countenance. “Is there anything else in the +house, Sapph—Sophia?”</p> + +<p>“No, ma’am,” replied Sophia.</p> + +<p>“Oh, tell the cook to make it into a fricassee, and be sure it is well +flavoured.” The maid hesitated, but seeing from the wandering expression +of her employer’s eye that her intellect was again clouded over, she +retired to give the message to the cook—with comments.</p> + +<p>The library at the Red House was the only room that had been radically +altered since the days of the former tenants, whose taste had leant +towards the florid rather than the classic. The general effect had been +toned down, but it was impossible to disguise the leading motive; or +what Mrs. Temperley passionately described as its brutal vulgarity. The +library alone had been subjected to <em>peine forte et dure</em>. Mrs. +Temperley said that it had been purified by suffering. By dint of +tearing down and dragging out offending objects (“such a pity!” cried +the neighbours) its prosperous and complacent absurdity had been +humbled. Mrs. Temperley retired to this refuge after her encounter with +Sophia. That perennially aggrieved young person entered almost +immediately afterwards and announced a visitor, with an air that +implied—“She’ll stay to lunch; see if she don’t, and what’ll you do +then? Yah!”</p> + +<p>The pronunciation of the visitor’s name was such, that, for the moment, +Mrs. Temperley did not recognize it as that of Miss Valeria Du Prel.</p> + +<p>She jumped up joyfully. “Ah, Valeria, this <em>is</em> delightful!”</p> + +<p>The visit was explained after a characteristic fashion. Miss Du Prel +realized that over two years had passed since she had seen Hadria, and +moreover she had been seized with an overwhelming longing for a sight of +country fields and a whiff of country air, so she had put a few things +together in a handbag, which she had left at Craddock station by +accident, and come down. Was there anyone who could go and fetch her +handbag? It was such a nuisance; she laid it down for a moment to get at +her ticket—she never could find her pocket, dressmakers always hid them +in such an absurd way; could Hadria recommend any dressmaker who did not +hide pockets? Wasn’t it tiresome? She had no time-table, and so she had +gone to the station that morning and waited till a Craddock train +started, and by this arrangement it had come to pass that she had spent +an hour and a half on the platform: she did not think she ever had such +an unpleasant time; why didn’t they have trains oftener? They did to +Putney.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley sat down and laughed. Whereupon the other’s face +lightened and she joined in the laugh at her own expense, settling into +the easy chair that her hostess had prepared for her, with a gesture of +helplessness and comfort.</p> + +<p>“Well, in spite of that time at the station, I’m glad I came. It seems +so long since I have seen you, dear Hadria, and the last time you know +you were very unhappy, almost mad——”</p> + +<p>“Yes, yes; never mind about that,” interposed Mrs. Temperley hastily, +setting her teeth together.</p> + +<p>“You take things too hard, too hard,” said Miss Du Prel. “I used to +think <em>I</em> was bad in that way, but I am phlegmatic compared with you. +One would suppose that——”</p> + +<p>“Valeria, don’t, don’t, don’t,” cried Mrs. Temperley. “I can’t stand +it.” Her teeth were still set tight and hard, her hands were clenched.</p> + +<p>“Very well, very well. Tell me what you have been making of this +ridiculous old world, where everything goes wrong and everybody is +stupid or wicked, or both.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley’s face relaxed a little, though the signs of some strong +emotion were still visible.</p> + +<p>“Well, to answer the general by the particular, I have spent the +morning, accompanied by a nice young brood of Cochin-China fowls, in +Craddock churchyard.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, I hate a churchyard,” exclaimed Miss Du Prel, with a shudder. “It +makes one think of the hideous mockery of life, and the more one would +like to die, the worse seems the brutality of death and his hideous +accompaniments. It is such a savage denial of all human aspirations and +affections and hopes. Ah, it is horrible!” The sharply-outlined face +grew haggard and white, as its owner crouched over the fire.</p> + +<p>“Heaven knows! but it was very serene and very lovely up there this +morning.”</p> + +<p>“Ah!” exclaimed Valeria with a burst of strange enthusiasm and sadness, +that revealed all the fire and yearning and power that had raised her +above her fellows in the scale of consciousness, with the penalty of a +life of solitude and of sorrow.</p> + +<p>“Surely it is not without meaning that the places of the dead are the +serenest spots on earth,” said Mrs. Temperley. “If I could keep myself +in the mood that the place induces, I think I should not mind anything +very much any more. The sunshine seems to rest more tenderly there than +elsewhere, and the winds have a reverence for the graves, as if they +felt it time that the dead were left in peace—the ‘happier dead,’ as +poor immortal Tithonius calls them, who has not the gift of death. And +the grey old tower and the weather stains on the stones; there is a +conspiracy of beauty in the place, that holds one as one is held by +music.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! I know the magic of these things; it tempts one to believe at times +that Nature is <em>not</em> all blind and unpitying. But that is a delusion: if +there were any pity in Nature, the human spirit would not be dowered +with such infinite and terrible longings and such capacities and dreams +and prayers and then—then insulted with the mockery of death and +annihilation.”</p> + +<p>“If there should be no Beyond,” muttered Mrs. Temperley.</p> + +<p>“That to me is inconceivable. When we die we fall into an eternal sleep. +Moreover, I can see no creed that does not add the fear of future +torments to the certainties of these.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley was seized with a bitter mood. “You should cultivate +faith,” she said; “it acts the part of the heading ‘Sundries omitted’ in +one’s weekly accounts; one can put down under it everything that can’t +be understood—but you don’t keep weekly accounts, so it’s no use +pointing out to you the peace that comes of that device.”</p> + +<p>The entrance of Sophia with firewood turned the current of conversation. +“Good heavens! I don’t think we have anything for lunch!” Mrs. Temperley +exclaimed. “Are you very hungry? What is to be done? It was the +faithlessness of our butcher that disturbed the serenity of my mood this +morning. Perhaps the poor beast whose carcase we were intending to +devour will feel serene instead of me: but, alas! I fear he has been +slaughtered <em>quand même</em>. That is one of the unsatisfactory things about +life: that all its worst miseries bring good to no one. One may deny +oneself, but not a living thing is necessarily the better for +it—generally many are the worse. The wheels of pain go turning day by +day, and the gods stand aloof—they will not help us, nor will they stay +the ‘wild world’ in its course. No, no,” added Mrs. Temperley with a +laugh, “I am not tired of life, but I am tired <em>with</em> it; it won’t give +me what I want. That is perhaps because I want so much.”</p> + +<p>The sound of male footsteps in the hall broke up the colloquy.</p> + +<p>“Good heavens! Hubert has brought home a crowd of people to lunch,” +exclaimed Hadria, “a thing he scarcely ever does. What fatality can have +induced him to choose to-day of all others for this orgy of +hospitality?”</p> + +<p>“Does the day matter?” enquired Valeria, astonished at so much emotion.</p> + +<p>“<em>Does the day matter!</em> Oh irresponsible question of the unwedded! When +I tell you the butcher has not sent the meat.”</p> + +<p>“Oh ... can’t one eat fish?” suggested Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed and opened the door.</p> + +<p>“My dear, I have brought Fleming home to lunch.”</p> + +<p>“Thank heaven, <em>only one!</em>”</p> + +<p>Temperley stared.</p> + +<p>“I could not conveniently have brought home several,” he said.</p> + +<p>“I thought you would be at least seven,” cried the mistress of the +house, “and with all the pertinacity of Wordsworth’s little girl.”</p> + +<p>“What <em>do</em> you mean, if one may ask for simple English?”</p> + +<p>“Merely that that intolerable Sanders has broken his word—<em>hinc illæ +lacrimæ</em>.”</p> + +<p>Hubert Temperley turned away in annoyance. He used to be amused by his +wife’s flippancy before her marriage, but he had long since grown to +dislike it. He retired to get out some wine, while Hadria went forward +to welcome the guest, who now came in from the garden, where he had +lingered to talk to the children.</p> + +<p>“I am delighted to see you, Mr. Fleming; but I am grieved to say that we +have unluckily only a wretched luncheon to give you, and after your long +walk over the fields too! I am <em>so</em> sorry. The fact is we are left, this +morning, with a gaping larder, at the mercy of a haughty and inconstant +butcher, who grinds down his helpless dependents without mercy, +overbearing creature that he is! We must ask you to be very tolerant.”</p> + +<p>“Oh! please don’t trouble about that; it doesn’t matter in the least,” +cried Mr. Fleming, pulling at his yellowish whiskers. He was a man of +about five-and-thirty, of medium height, dressed in knickerbockers and +Norfolk jacket that had seen some service.</p> + +<p>“What is the difficulty?” asked Hubert.</p> + +<p>“I was explaining to Mr. Fleming how inhospitably we are forced to treat +him, on account of that traitor Sanders.”</p> + +<p>Hubert gave a gesture of annoyance.</p> + +<p>“I suppose there is something cold in the house.”</p> + +<p>“Pudding, perhaps,” said his wife hopelessly. “It is most unlucky.”</p> + +<p>“My dear, surely there must be something cold that isn’t pudding.”</p> + +<p>“I fear, very little; but I will go and see the cook, though, alas! she +is not easy to inspire as regards her particular business. She is +extremely entertaining as a conversationalist, but I think she was meant +for society rather than the kitchen. I am sure society would be more +diverting if she were in it.”</p> + +<p>Hadria was just turning to seek this misplaced genius, when she paused +in the doorway.</p> + +<p>“By the way, I suppose Sapphira has——”</p> + +<p>“Do try and cure yourself of the habit of calling the girl by that +absurd name, Hadria.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, yes; but the name is so descriptive. She has told you of Miss Du +Prel’s arrival?”</p> + +<p>“She has told me nothing of the sort.”</p> + +<p>Temperley did not look overjoyed. There had never been much cordiality +between him and Valeria since the afternoon when they had met at +Dunaghee, and found their sentiments in hopeless opposition.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel took no interest in Hubert, though she admired his +character. She had every wish to make herself agreeable to him, but her +efforts in that direction were somewhat neutralized by an incurable +absence of mind. If she was not interested, as Hadria said, she was +seldom affable.</p> + +<p>Possibly Hubert’s request to her, years ago at Dunaghee, to “think for a +moment” had not been forgiven.</p> + +<p>“Where is she? Oh!——”</p> + +<p>The exclamation was in consequence of Miss Du Prel’s appearing at the +door of the library, whence she surveyed the group with absent-minded +intentness.</p> + +<p>Valeria woke up with a start, and responded to Hubert’s greeting in an +erratic fashion, replying tragically, to a casual enquiry as to her +health, that she had been <em>frightfully</em> ill.</p> + +<p>“I thought I was dying. But one never dies,” she added in a disgusted +tone, whereat Hadria heartlessly laughed, and hurried the visitor +upstairs to help her to unpack.</p> + +<p>“Valeria,” said Mrs. Temperley, while that lady was confusedly trying to +disentangle hat and hair, hat-pin and head, without involving the entire +system in a common ruin—“Valeria, we are not a remarkable people at +Craddock Dene. We may be worthy, we may have our good points, but we are +not brilliant (except the cook). Should Mr. Fleming fail to impress you +as a person of striking personality, I ask you, as a favour, <em>not</em> to +emblazon that impression on every feature: should he address to you a +remark that you do not find interesting, and it is quite conceivable +that he may—do not glare at him scornfully for a moment, and——”</p> + +<p>Hadria was not allowed to finish the sentence.</p> + +<p>“As if I ever did any such thing—and people are so dull,” said Miss Du +Prel.</p> + +<p>A few “curried details,” as the hostess dejectedly described the fare, +had been supplemented with vegetables, fruit, and impromptu preparations +of eggs, and the luncheon was pronounced excellent and ample.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel said that she hoped the butcher would always forget to send +the meat. She liked these imaginative meals.</p> + +<p>Temperley purposely misunderstood her to say “imaginary meals,” and +hoped that next time she came, Hadria would not have an oratorio in +course of composition. Miss Du Prel expressed a fiery interest in the +oratorio.</p> + +<p>“I judge the presence of oratorio by the absence of food,” Temperley +explained suavely.</p> + +<p>Hadria watched the encounter with a mingled sense of amusement and +discomfort.</p> + +<p>Valeria was in no danger. To be morally crushed by an adversary, it is +necessary that one should be at least aware that the adversary is +engaged in crushing one: a consciousness that was plainly denied to Miss +Du Prel. Many a man far less able than Hubert had power to interest her, +while he could not even hold her attention. She used to complain to +Professor Fortescue that Temperley’s ideas never seemed to have +originated in his own brain: they had been imported ready-made. Hubert +was among the many who shrink and harden into mental furrows as time +passes. What he had thought at twenty, at thirty-five had acquired +sanctity and certainty, from having been the opinion of Hubert Temperley +for all those favoured years. He had no suspicion that the views which +he cherished in so dainty and scholarly a fashion were simply an +<em>edition de luxe</em> of the views of everybody else. But his wife had made +that discovery long ago. He smiled at the views of everybody else: his +own were put forth as something choice and superior. He had the happy +knack of being <em>bourgeois</em> with the air of an artist. If one could +picture one’s grocer weighing out sugar in a Spanish cloak and brigand’s +hat, it would afford an excellent symbol of his spiritual estate. To be +perfectly commonplace in a brilliantly original way, is to be notable +after all.</p> + +<p>Mr. Fleming seemed puzzled by Miss Du Prel, at whom he glanced uneasily +from time to time, wondering what she would say next. At Craddock Dene, +ladies usually listened with a more or less breathless deference when +Temperley spoke. This new-comer seemed recklessly independent.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley endeavoured to lead the conversation in ways of peace, +but Valeria was evidently on the war-path. Temperley was polite and +ironical, with under-meanings for Hadria’s benefit.</p> + +<p>“If one asks impossible things of life, one is apt to be disappointed, I +fear,” he said serenely. “Ask for the possible and natural harvest of a +woman’s career, and see if you don’t get it.”</p> + +<p>“Let a canary plead for its cage, in short, and its commendable prayer +will be answered!”</p> + +<p>“If you like to put it thus ungraciously. I should say that one who +makes the most of his opportunities, as they stand, fares better than he +who sighs for other worlds to conquer.”</p> + +<p>“I suppose that is what his relatives said to Columbus,” observed Miss +Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“And how do you know they were not right?” he retorted.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley gave the signal to rise. “Let’s go for a walk,” she +suggested, “the afternoon invites us. Look at it.”</p> + +<p>The brilliant sunshine and the exercise brought about a more genial +mood. Only once was there anything approaching friction, and then it was +Hadria herself who caused it.</p> + +<p>“Yes, we all flatter ourselves that we are observing life, when we are +merely noting the occasions when some musty old notion of ours happens, +by chance, to get fulfilled.”</p> + +<p>Hubert Temperley at once roused Miss Du Prel’s interest by the large +stores of information that he had to pour forth on the history of the +district, from its earliest times to the present. He recalled the days +when these lands that looked so smooth and tended had been mere wastes +of marsh and forest.</p> + +<p>How quickly these great changes were accomplished! Valeria stood on the +brow of a wide corn-field, looking out over the sleeping country. A +century, after all, was not much more than one person’s lifetime, yet in +scarcely nine of these—nine little troubled lifetimes—what incredible +things had occurred in this island of ours! How did it all come about? +“Not assuredly,” Valeria remarked with sudden malice, “by taking things +as they stood, and making the best of them with imbecile impatience. If +everyone had done that, what sort of an England should I have had +stretching before my eyes at this moment?”</p> + +<p>“You would not have been here to see,” said Hadria, lazily rolling +stones down the hill with her foot. “We should all of us have been +dancing round some huge log-fire on the borders of a primeval forest, +and instead of browsing on salads, as we did to-day, we should be +sustaining ourselves on the unholy nourishment of boiled parent or +grilled aunt.”</p> + +<p>Mr. Temperley’s refined appearance and manner seemed to raise an +incarnate protest against this revolting picture. For some occult +reason, the imagination of all was at work especially and exclusively on +the figure of that polished gentleman in war-paint and feathers, +sporting round the cauldron that contained the boiled earthly remains of +his relations.</p> + +<p>Mr. Fleming betrayed the common thought by remarking that it would be +very becoming to him.</p> + +<p>“Ah! I wish we <em>were</em> all savages in feathers and war-paint, dancing on +the edge of some wild forest, with nothing but the sea and the sky for +limits!”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel surprised her audience by this earnest aspiration.</p> + +<p>“Do you feel inclined to revert?” Hadria enquired. “Because if so, I +shall be glad to join you.”</p> + +<p>“I think there <em>is</em> a slight touch of the savage about Mrs. Temperley,” +observed Fleming pensively. “I mean, don’t you know—of course——.”</p> + +<p>“You are quite right!” cried Valeria. “I have often noticed a sort of +wildness that crops up now and then through a very smooth surface. +Hadria may sigh for the woodlands, yet——!”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">THE first break in the unity of the Fullerton family had occurred on the +occasion of Hadria’s marriage. The short period that elapsed between +that memorable New-Year’s-Eve and the wedding had been a painful +experience for Dunaghee. Hadria’s conduct had shaken her brothers’ faith +in her and in all womankind. Ernest especially had suffered disillusion. +He had supposed her above the ordinary, pettier weaknesses of humanity. +Other fellows’ sisters had seemed to him miserable travesties of their +sex compared with her. (There was one exception only, to this rule.) But +now, what was he to think? She had shattered his faith. If she hadn’t +been “so cocksure of herself,” he wouldn’t have minded so much; but +after all she had professed, to go and marry, and marry a starched +specimen like that!</p> + +<p>Fred was equally emphatic. For a long time he had regarded it all as a +joke. He shook his head knowingly, and said that sort of thing wouldn’t +go down. When he was at length convinced, he danced with rage. He became +cynical. He had no patience with girls. They talked for talking’s sake. +It meant nothing.</p> + +<p>Algitha understood, better than her brothers could understand, how +Hadria’s emotional nature had been caught in some strange mood, how the +eloquent assurances of her lover might have half convinced her. +Algitha’s own experience of proposals set her on the track of the +mystery.</p> + +<p>“It is most misleading,” she pointed out, to her scoffing brothers. “One +would suppose that marrying was the simplest thing in the world—nothing +perilous, nothing to object to about it. A man proposes to you as if he +were asking you for the sixth waltz, only his manner is perfervid. And +my belief is that half the girls who accept don’t realize that they are +agreeing to anything much more serious.”</p> + +<p>“The more fools they!”</p> + +<p>“True; but it really is most bewildering. Claims, obligations, all the +ugly sides of the affair are hidden away; the man is at his best, full +of refinement and courtesy and unselfishness. And if he persuades the +girl that he really does care for her, how can she suppose that she +cannot trust her future to him—if he loves her? And yet she can’t!”</p> + +<p>“How can a man suppose that one girl is going to be different from every +other girl?” asked Fred.</p> + +<p>“Different, you mean, from what he <em>supposes</em> every other girl to be,” +Algitha corrected. “It’s his own look-out if he’s such a fool.”</p> + +<p>“I believe Hadria married because she was sick of being the family +consolation,” said Ernest.</p> + +<p>“Well, of course, the hope of escape was very tempting. You boys don’t +know what she went through. We all regret her marriage to Hubert +Temperley—though between ourselves, not more than <em>he</em> regrets it, if I +am not much mistaken—but it is very certain that she could not have +gone on living at home much longer, as things were.”</p> + +<p>Fred said that she ought to have broken out after Algitha’s fashion, if +it was so bad as all that.</p> + +<p>“I think mother would have died if she had,” said the sister.</p> + +<p>“Hadria <em>was</em> awkwardly placed,” Fred admitted.</p> + +<p>“Do you remember that evening in the garret when we all told her what we +thought?” asked Ernest.</p> + +<p>Nobody had forgotten that painful occasion.</p> + +<p>“She said then that if the worst came to the worst, she would simply run +away. What could prevent her?”</p> + +<p>“That wretched sister of his!” cried Algitha. “If it hadn’t been for +her, the marriage would never have taken place. She got the ear of +mother after the engagement, and I am certain it was through her +influence that mother hurried the wedding on so. If only there had been +a little more time, it could have been prevented. And Henriette knew +that. She is as <em>knowing</em>——!”</p> + +<p>“I wish we had strangled her.”</p> + +<p>“I shall never forget,” Algitha went on, “that night when Hadria was +taken with a fit of terror—it was nothing less—and wrote to break off +the engagement, and that woman undertook to deliver the letter and lost +it, <em>on purpose</em> I am always convinced, and then the favourable moment +was over.”</p> + +<p>“What made her so anxious for the marriage beats me,” cried Ernest. “It +was not a particularly good match from a mercenary point of view.”</p> + +<p>“She thought us an interesting family to marry into,” suggested Fred, +“which is undeniable.”</p> + +<p>“Then she must be greatly disappointed at seeing so little of us!” cried +Ernest.</p> + +<p>In the early days, Miss Temperley had stayed frequently at the Red +House, and Hadria had been cut off from her own family, who detested +Henriette.</p> + +<p>For a year or more, there had been a fair promise of a successful +adjustment of the two incongruous natures in the new conditions. They +both tried to keep off dangerous ground and to avoid collisions of will. +They made the most of their one common interest, although even here they +soon found themselves out of sympathy. Hubert’s instincts were +scholastic and lawful, Hadria was disposed to daring innovation. Her +bizarre compositions shocked him painfully. The two jarred on one +another, in great things and in small. The halcyon period was +short-lived. The dream, such as it was, came to an end. Hubert turned +to his sister, in his bewilderment and disappointment. They had both +counted so securely on the effect of experience and the pressure of +events to teach Hadria the desirable lesson, and they were dismayed to +find that, unlike other women, she had failed to learn it. Henriette was +in despair. It was she who had brought about the ill-starred union. How +could she ever forgive herself? How repair the error she had made? Only +by devoting herself to her brother, and trying patiently to bring his +wife to a wiser frame of mind.</p> + +<p>A considerable time had elapsed, during which Hadria saw her brothers +and sister only at long intervals. Ernest had become estranged from her, +to her great grief. He was as courteous and tender in his manner to her +as of yore, but there was a change, not to be mistaken. She had lost the +brother of her girlhood for ever. While it bitterly grieved, it did not +surprise her. She acknowledged in dismay the inconsistency of her +conduct. She must have been mad! The universal similarity in the +behaviour of girls, herself included, alarmed her. Was there some +external will that drove them all, in hordes, to their fate? Were all +the intricacies of event and circumstance, of their very emotion, merely +the workings of that ruthless cosmic will by which the individual was +hypnotised and ruled?</p> + +<p>As usual at critical moments, Hadria had been solitary in her encounter +with the elements of Fate. There were conflicts that even her sister +knew nothing about, the bewilderments and temptations of a nature +hampered in its action by its own voluminous qualities and its caprice.</p> + +<p>Her brothers supposed that in a short time Hadria would be “wearing +bonnets and a card-case, and going the rounds with an elegant expression +like the rest of them.”</p> + +<p>How different were the little local facts of life—the little chopped-up +life that accumulates in odds and ends from moment to moment—from the +sun-and-smoke vision of early irresponsible days!</p> + +<p>Mrs. Fullerton was pleased with the marriage, not merely because +Hubert’s father, Judge Temperley, could secure for his son a prosperous +career, but because she was so thankful to see a strange, unaccountable +girl like Hadria settling quietly down, with a couple of children to +keep her out of mischief.</p> + +<p>That was what it had come to! Perhaps they calculated a little too +surely. Possibly even two children might not keep her entirely out of +mischief. Out of what impulse of malice had Fate pitched upon the most +essentially mutinous and erratic of the whole brood, for the sedatest +<em>rôle</em>? But perhaps Fate, too, had calculated unscientifically. Mischief +was always possible, if one gave one’s mind to it. Or was she growing +too old to have the spirit for thorough-going devilry? Youth seemed +rather an affair of mental outlook than of years. She felt twenty years +older since her marriage. She wondered why it was that marriage did not +make all women wicked,—openly and actively so. If ever there was an +arrangement by which every evil instinct and every spark of the devil +was likely to be aroused and infuriated, surely the customs and +traditions that clustered round this estate constituted that dangerous +combination! Hardship, difficulty, tragedy could be faced, but not the +humiliating, the degrading, the contemptible. Hadria had her own +particular ideas as to what ought to be set down under these headings. +Most women, she found, ranked certain elements very differently, with +lavish use of halos and gilding in their honour, feeling perhaps, she +hinted, the dire need of such external decoration.</p> + +<p>Good heavens! Did no other woman realize the insult of it all? Hadria +knew so few women intimately; none intimately enough to be convinced +that no such revolt lay smouldering beneath their smiles. She had a +lonely assurance that she had never met the sister-soul (for such there +must be by the score, as silent as she), who shared her rage and her +detestations. Valeria, with all her native pride, regarded these as +proof of a big flaw in an otherwise sound nature. Yet how deep, how +passionately strong, these feelings were, how gigantic the flaw!</p> + +<p>What possessed people that they did not see what was so brutally clear? +As young girls led forth unconscious into the battle, with a bandage +over their eyes, and cotton-wool in their ears—yes, then it was +inevitable that they should see and hear nothing. Had they been newly +imported from the moon they could scarcely have less acquaintance with +terrestrial conditions; but afterwards, when ruthlessly, with the +grinning assistance of the onlookers, the facts of the social scheme +were cynically revealed, and the <em>rôle</em> imperiously allotted—with much +admonition and moving appeals to conscience and religion, and all the +other aides-de-camp at command—after all that, how in the name of +heaven could they continue to “babble of green fields”? Was it +conceivable that among the thousands of women to whom year after year +the facts were disclosed, not one understood and not one—<em>hated</em>?</p> + +<p>A flame sprang up in Hadria’s eyes. There <em>must</em> be other women +somewhere at this very moment, whose whole being was burning up with +this bitter, this sickening and futile hatred! But how few, how few! How +vast was the meek majority, fattening on indignity, proud of their +humiliation! Yet how wise they were after all. It hurt so to hate—to +hate like this. Submission was an affair of temperament, a gift of +birth. Nature endowed with a serviceable meekness those whom she +designed for insult. Yet it might not be meekness so much as mere brutal +necessity that held them all in thrall—the inexorable logic of +conditions. Fate knew better than to assail the victim point blank, and +so put her on her guard. No; she lured her on gently, cunningly, closing +behind her, one by one, the doors of escape, persuading her, forcing her +to fasten on her own tethers, appealing to a thousand qualities, good +and bad; now to a moment’s weakness or pity, now to her eternal fear of +grieving others (<em>that</em> was a well-worked vein!), now to her instinct of +self-sacrifice, now to grim necessity itself, profiting too by the +increasing discouragements, the vain efforts, the physical pain and +horrible weariness, the crowding of little difficulties, harassments, +the troubles of others—ah! how infinite were these! so that there was +no interval for breathing, and scarcely time or space to cope with the +legions of the moment; the horizon was black with their advancing hosts!</p> + +<p>And this assuredly was no unique experience. Hadria remembered how she +had once said that if the worst came to the worst, it would be easy to +run away. To her inexperience desperate remedies had seemed so simple, +so feasible—the factors of life so few and unentwined. She had not +understood how prolific are our deeds, how an act brings with it a large +and unexpected progeny, which surround us with new influences and force +upon us unforeseen conditions. Yet frequent had been the impulse to +adopt that girlish solution of the difficulty. She had no picturesque +grievances of the kind that would excite sympathy. On the contrary, +popular feeling would set dead against her; she would be acting on an +idea that nobody shared, not even her most intimate friend.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel had arrived at the conclusion that she did not understand +Hadria. She had attributed many of her peculiarities to her unique +education and her inexperience. Hadria had indeed changed greatly since +her marriage, but not in the manner that might have been expected. On +the contrary, a closer intimacy with popular social ideals had fired her +with a more angry spirit of rebellion. Miss Du Prel had met examples of +every kind of eccentricity, but she had never before come upon so marked +an instance of this particular type. Hadria’s attitude towards life had +suggested to Miss Du Prel the idea of her heroine, <em>Caterina</em>. She +remonstrated with Hadria, assuring her that no insult towards women was +intended in the general scheme of society, and that it was a mistake to +regard it in so resentful a spirit.</p> + +<p>“But that is just the most insulting thing about it,” Hadria exclaimed. +“Insult is so much a matter of course that people are surprised if one +takes umbrage at it. Read this passage from Aristotle that I came upon +the other day. He is perfectly calm and amiable, entirely unconscious of +offence, when he says that ‘a wife ought to shew herself even more +obedient to the rein than if she entered the house as a purchased slave. +For she has been bought at a high price, for the sake of sharing life +and bearing children, than which no higher or holier tie can possibly +exist.’ (Henriette to the very life!)”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel laughed, and re-read the passage from the <em>Politics</em>, in +some surprise.</p> + +<p>“Do you suppose insult is deliberately intended in that graceful +sentiment?” asked Hadria. “Obviously not. If any woman of that time had +blazed up in anger at the well-meant speech, she would have astonished +and grieved her contemporaries. Aristotle doubtless professed a high +respect for women who followed his precepts—as men do now when we are +obedient.”</p> + +<p>“Of course, our society in this particular has not wandered far from the +Greek idea,” Miss Du Prel observed pensively.</p> + +<p>Hadria pronounced the paradox, “The sharpness of the insult lies in its +not being intended.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel could not prevail upon her to modify the assertion. Hadria +pointed out that the Greeks also meant no offence in regarding their +respectable women as simple reproductive agents of inferior human +quality.</p> + +<p>“And though our well-brought-up girls shrink from the frank speech, they +do not appear to shrink from the ideas of the old Greeks. They don’t +mind playing the part of cows so long as one doesn’t mention it.”</p> + +<p>About eighteen months ago, the village had been full of talk and +excitement in consequence of the birth of an heir to the house of +Engleton, Lady Engleton’s mission in life being frankly regarded as +unfulfilled during the previous three or four years, when she had +disappointed the hopes of the family. Hadria listened scornfully. In her +eyes, the crowning indignity of the whole affair was Lady Engleton’s own +smiling acceptance of the position, and her complacent eagerness to +produce the tardy inheritor of the property and honours. This expression +of sentiment had, by some means, reached the Vicarage and created much +consternation.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker asserted that it was right and Christian of the lady to +desire that which gave every one so much pleasure. “A climax of feminine +abjectness!” Hadria had exclaimed in Henriette’s presence.</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley, after endeavouring to goad her sister-in-law into the +expression of jubilant congratulations, was met by the passionate +declaration that she felt more disposed to weep than to rejoice, and +more disposed to curse than to weep.</p> + +<p>Obviously, Miss Temperley had reason to be uneasy about her part in +bringing about her brother’s marriage.</p> + +<p>These sudden overflows of exasperated feeling had become less frequent +as time went on, but the neighbours looked askance at Mrs. Temperley. +Though a powder-magazine may not always blow up, one passes it with a +grave consciousness of vast stores of inflammable material lying +somewhere within, and who knows what spark might set the thing spouting +to the skies?</p> + +<p>When the occasional visitors had left, life in the village settled down +to its normal level, or more accurately, to its normal flatness as +regarded general contours, and its petty inequalities in respect to +local detail. It reminded Hadria of the landscape which stretched in +quiet long lines to the low horizon, while close at hand, the ground +fussed and fretted itself into minor ups and downs of no character, but +with all the trouble of a mountain district in its complexities of slope +and hollow. Hadria suffered from a gnawing home-sickness; a longing for +the rougher, bleaker scenery of the North.</p> + +<p>The tired spirit translated the homely English country, so deeply +reposeful in its spirit, into an image of dull unrest. If only those +broken, stupid lines could have been smoothed out into the grandeur of a +plain, Hadria thought that it would have comforted her, as if a song had +moved across it with the long-stretching winds. As it was, to look from +her window only meant to find repeated the trivialities of life, more +picturesque indeed, but still trivialities. It was the estimable and +domestic qualities of Nature that presented themselves: Nature in her +most maternal and uninspired mood—Mother earth submissive to the +dictatorship of man, permitting herself to be torn, and wounded, and +furrowed, and harrowed at his pleasure, yielding her substance and her +life to sustain the produce of his choosing, her body and her soul +abandoned supine to his caprice. The sight had an exasperating effect +upon Hadria. Its symbolism haunted her. The calm, sweet English +landscape affected her at times with a sort of disgust. It was, perhaps, +the same in kind as the far stronger sensation of disgust that she felt +when she first saw Lady Engleton with her new-born child, full of pride +and exultation. It was as much as she could do to shake hands with the +happy mother.</p> + +<p>When Valeria expressed dismay at so strange a feeling Hadria had refused +to be treated as a solitary sinner. There were plenty of +fellow-culprits, she said, only they did not dare to speak out. Let +Valeria study girls and judge for herself.</p> + +<p>Hadria was challenged to name a girl.</p> + +<p>Well, Algitha for one. Hadria also suspected Marion Jordan, well-drilled +though she was by her dragoon of a mother.</p> + +<p>Valeria would not hear of it. Marion Jordan! the gentlest, timidest, +most typical of young English girls! Impossible!</p> + +<p>“I am almost sure of it, nevertheless,” said Hadria. “Oh, believe me, it +is common enough! Few grasp it intellectually perhaps, but thousands +feel the insult; of that I am morally certain.”</p> + +<p>“What leads you to think so in Marion’s case?”</p> + +<p>“Some look, or tone, or word; something slight, but to my mind +conclusive. Fellow-sinners detect one another, you know.”</p> + +<p>“Well, I don’t understand what the world is coming to!” exclaimed Miss +Du Prel. “Where are the natural instincts?”</p> + +<p>“Sprouting up for the first time perhaps,” Hadria suggested.</p> + +<p>“They seem to be disappearing, if what you say has the slightest +foundation.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, you are speaking of only <em>one</em> kind of instinct. The others have +all been suppressed. Perhaps women are not altogether animals after all. +The thought is startling, I know. Try to face it.”</p> + +<p>“I never supposed they were,” cried Valeria, a little annoyed.</p> + +<p>“But you never made allowance for the suppressed instincts,” said +Hadria.</p> + +<p>“I don’t believe they <em>can</em> be suppressed.”</p> + +<p>“I believe they can be not merely suppressed, but killed past hope of +recovery. And I also believe that there may be, that there <em>must</em> be, +ideas and emotions fermenting in people’s brains, quite different from +those that they are supposed and ordered to cherish, and that these +heresies go on working in secret for years before they become even +suspected, and then suddenly the population exchange confessions.”</p> + +<p>“After that the Deluge!” exclaimed Miss Du Prel. “You describe the +features of a great revolution.”</p> + +<p>“So much the better,” said Hadria; “and when the waters sink again, a +nice fresh clean world!”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">ON the lawn of the Red House, a little group was collected under the big +walnut tree. The sunlight fell through the leaves on the singing +tea-kettle and the cups and saucers, and made bright patches on the +figures and the faces assembled round the tea-table.</p> + +<p>Hubert Temperley had again brought his friend Joseph Fleming, in the +forlorn hope, he said, of being able to give him something to eat and +drink. Ernest and Algitha and Fred were of the party. They had come down +from Saturday till Monday. Ernest was studying for the Bar. Fred had +entered a merchant’s office in the city, and hated his work cordially. +Miss Du Prel was still at the Red House.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton had called by chance this afternoon, and Mrs. Walker, the +vicar’s wife, with two of her countless daughters, had come by +invitation. Mrs. Walker was a middle-aged, careworn, rather prim-looking +woman. Lady Engleton was handsome. Bright auburn hair waved back in +picturesque fashion from a piquant face, and constituted more than half +her claim to beauty. The brown eyes were bright and vivacious. The mouth +was seldom quite shut. It scarcely seemed worth while, the loquacious +lady had confessed. She showed a delicate taste in dress. Shades of +brown and russet made a fine harmony with her auburn hair, and the ivory +white and fresh red of her skin.</p> + +<p>She and Temperley always enjoyed a sprightly interchange of epigrams. +Lady Engleton had the qualities that Hubert had admired in Hadria before +their marriage, and she was entirely free from the other +characteristics that had exasperated him so desperately since that +hideous mistake that he had made. Lady Engleton had originality and +brilliancy, but she knew how to combine these qualities with perfect +obedience to the necessary conventions of life. She had the sparkle of +champagne, without the troublesome tendency of that delicate beverage to +break bounds, and brim over in iridescent, swelling, joyous foam, the +discreet edges of such goblets as custom might decree for the sunny +vintage. Lady Engleton sparkled, glowed, nipped even at times, was of +excellent dry quality, but she never frothed over. She always knew where +to stop; she had the genius of moderation. She stood to Hadria as a +correct rendering of a cherished idea stands to a faulty one. She made +Hubert acutely feel his misfortune, and shewed him his lost hope, his +shattered ideal.</p> + +<p>“Is the picture finished?” he enquired, as he handed Lady Engleton her +tea.</p> + +<p>“What, the view from your field? Not quite. I was working at it when +Claude Moreton and Mrs. Jordan and Marion arrived, and I have been +rather interrupted. That’s the worst of visitors. One’s little immortal +works do get put aside, poor things.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton broke into the light laugh that had become almost +mechanical with her.</p> + +<p>“Your friends grudge the hours you spend in your studio,” said +Temperley.</p> + +<p>“Oh, they don’t mind, so long as I give them as much time as they want,” +she said. “I have to apologise and compromise, don’t you know, but, with +a little management, one can get on. Of course, society does ask a good +deal of attention, doesn’t it? and one has to be so careful.”</p> + +<p>“Just a little tact and thought,” said Temperley with a sigh.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton admired Algitha, who was standing with Ernest a little +apart from the group.</p> + +<p>“She is like your wife, and yet there is a singular difference in the +expression.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton was too discreet to say that Mrs. Temperley lacked the +look of contentment and serenity that was so marked in her sister’s +face.</p> + +<p>“Algitha is a thoroughly sensible girl,” said the brother-in-law.</p> + +<p>“I hear you have not long returned from a visit to Mr. Fullerton’s place +in Scotland, Mr. Temperley,” observed the vicar’s wife when her host +turned to address her.</p> + +<p>“Yes,” he said, “we have been there half the summer. The boys thoroughly +enjoyed the freedom and the novelty. The river, of course, was a source +of great joy to them, and of hideous anxiety to the rest of us.”</p> + +<p>“Of course, of course,” assented Mrs. Walker. “Ah, there are the dear +little boys. Won’t you come and give me a kiss, darling?”</p> + +<p>“Darling” did what was required in a business-like manner, and stood by, +while the lady discovered in him a speaking likeness to his parents, to +his Aunt Algitha and his Uncle Fred, not to mention the portrait of his +great-grandfather, the Solicitor-General, that hung in the dining-room. +The child seemed thoroughly accustomed to be thought the living image of +various relations, and he waited indifferently till the list was ended.</p> + +<p>“Do you know, we are half hoping that Professor Fortescue may be able to +come to us for a week or ten days?” said Lady Engleton. “We are so +looking forward to it.”</p> + +<p>“Professor Fortescue is always a favourite,” remarked Mrs. Walker. “It +is such a pity he does not return to the Priory, is it not?—a great +house like that standing empty. Of course it is very natural after the +dreadful event that happened there”—Mrs. Walker lowered her voice +discreetly—“but it seems a sin to leave the place untenanted.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton explained that there was some prospect of the house being +let at last to a friend and colleague of the Professor. Mrs. Walker +doubtless would remember Professor Theobald, who used to come and stay +at Craddock Place rather frequently some years ago, a big man with beard +and moustache, very learned and very amusing.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker remembered him perfectly. Her husband had been so much +interested in his descriptions of a tour in Palestine, all through the +scenes of the New Testament. He was a great archæologist. Was he really +coming to the Priory? How very delightful. John would be so glad to hear +it.</p> + +<p>“Oh, it is not settled yet, but the two Professors are coming to us some +time soon, I believe, and Professor Theobald will look over the house +and see if he thinks it would be too unmanageably big for himself and +his old mother and sister. I hope he will take the place. He would bring +a new and interesting element into the village. What do you think of it, +Mrs. Temperley?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, I hope the learned and amusing Professor will come,” she said. “The +worst of it is, from my point of view, that I shall have to give up my +practices there. Professor Fortescue allows me to wake the old piano +from its long slumbers in the drawing-room.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, of course. Marion Jordan was telling me that she was quite startled +the other day, in crossing the Priory garden, to hear music stealing out +of the apparently deserted house. She had heard the country people say +that the ghost of poor Mrs. Fortescue walks along the terrace in the +twilight, and Marion looked quite scared when she came in, for the music +seemed to come from the drawing-room, where its mistress used to play so +much after she was first married. I almost wonder you can sit alone +there in the dusk, considering the dreadful associations of the place.”</p> + +<p>“I am used to it now,” Mrs. Temperley replied, “and it is so nice and +quiet in the empty house. One knows one can’t be interrupted—unless by +ghosts.”</p> + +<p>“Well, that is certainly a blessing,” cried Lady Engleton. “I think I +shall ask Professor Fortescue to allow me also to go to the Priory to +pursue my art in peace and quietness; a truly hyperborean state, beyond +the region of visitors!”</p> + +<p>“There would be plenty of room for a dozen unsociable monomaniacs like +ourselves,” said Mrs. Temperley.</p> + +<p>“I imagine you are a God-send to poor Mrs. Williams, the caretaker,” +said Joseph Fleming. “She is my gamekeeper’s sister, and I hear that she +finds the solitude in that vast house almost more than she can stand.”</p> + +<p>“Poor woman!” said Lady Engleton. “Well, Mr. Fleming, what are the +sporting prospects this autumn?”</p> + +<p>He pulled himself together, and his face lighted up. On that subject he +could speak for hours.</p> + +<p>Of Joseph Fleming his friends all said: The best fellow in the world. A +kinder heart had no man. He lived on his little property from year’s end +to year’s end, for the sole and single end of depriving the pheasants +and partridges which he bred upon the estate, of their existence. He was +a confirmed bachelor, living quietly, and taking the world as he found +it (seeing that there was a sufficiency of partridges in good seasons); +trusting that there was a God above who would not let the supply run +short, if one honestly tried to do one’s duty and lived an upright life, +harming no man, and women only so much as was strictly honourable and +necessary. He spoke ill of no one. He was diffident of his own powers, +except about sport, wherein he knew himself princely, and cherished that +sort of respect for woman, thoroughly sincere, which assigns to her a +pedestal in a sheltered niche, and offers her homage on condition of her +staying where she is put, even though she starve there, solitary and +esteemed.</p> + +<p>“Do tell me, Mr. Fleming, if you know, who is that very handsome woman +with the white hair?” said Lady Engleton. “She is talking to Mrs. +Walker. I seem to know the face.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, that is Miss Valeria Du Prel, the authoress of those books that +Mrs. Walker is so shocked at.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, of course; how stupid of me. I should like to have some +conversation with her.”</p> + +<p>“That’s easily managed. I don’t think she and Mrs. Walker quite +appreciate each other.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton laughed.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker was anxiously watching her daughters, and endeavouring to +keep them at a distance from Miss Du Prel, who looked tragically bored.</p> + +<p>Joseph Fleming found means to release her, and Lady Engleton’s desire +was gratified. “I admire your books so much, Miss Du Prel, and I have so +often wished to see more of you; but you have been abroad for the last +two years, I hear.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton, after asking the authoress to explain exactly what she +meant by her last book, enquired if she had the latest news of Professor +Fortescue. Lady Engleton had heard, with regret, that he had been +greatly worried about that troublesome nephew whom he had educated and +sent to Oxford.</p> + +<p>“The young fellow had been behaving very badly,” Miss Du Prel said.</p> + +<p>“Ungrateful creature,” cried Lady Engleton. “Running into debt I +suppose.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel feared that the Professor was suffering in health. He had +been working very hard.</p> + +<p>“Oh, yes; what was that about some method of killing animals +instantaneously to avoid the horrors of the slaughter-house? Professor +Theobald has been saying what a pity it is that a man so able should +waste his time over these fads. It would never bring him fame or profit, +only ridicule. Every man had his little weakness, but this idea of +saving pain to animals, Professor Theobald said, was becoming a sort of +mania with poor Fortescue, and one feared that it might injure his +career. He was greatly looked up to in the scientific world, but this +sort of thing of course——</p> + +<p>“Though it is nice of him in a way,” added Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“His weaknesses are nobler than most people’s virtues,” said Miss Du +Prel.</p> + +<p>“Then you number this among his weaknesses?”</p> + +<p>Algitha, who had joined the group, put this question.</p> + +<p>“I would rather see him working in the cause of humanity,” Miss Du Prel +answered.</p> + +<p>Ernest surprised everyone by suggesting that possibly humanity was well +served, in the long run, by reminding it of the responsibility that goes +with power, and by giving it an object lesson in the decent treatment of +those who can’t defend themselves.</p> + +<p>“You must have sat at the Professor’s feet,” cried Miss Du Prel, raising +her eyebrows.</p> + +<p>“I have,” said Ernest, with a little gesture of pride.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton shook her head. “I fear he flies too high for ordinary +mortals,” she said; “and I doubt if even he can be quite consistent at +that altitude.”</p> + +<p>“Better perhaps fly fairly high, and come down now and again to rest, if +one must, than grovel consistently and always,” observed Ernest.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton gave a little scream. “Mrs. Temperley, come to the rescue. +Your brother is calling us names. He says we grovel consistently and +always.”</p> + +<p>Ernest laughed, and protested. Lady Engleton pretended to be mortally +offended. Mrs. Temperley was sorry she could give no redress. She had +suffered from Ernest’s painful frankness from her youth upwards.</p> + +<p>The conversation grew discursive. Lady Engleton enjoyed the pastime of +lightly touching the edges of what she called “advanced” thought. She +sought the society of people like the two Professors and Miss Du Prel in +order to hear what dreadful and delightful things they really would say. +She read all the new books, and went to the courageous plays that Mrs. +Walker wouldn’t mention.</p> + +<p>“Your last book, <em>Caterina</em>, is a mine of suggestion, Miss Du Prel,” she +said. “It raises one most interesting point that has puzzled me +greatly. I don’t know if you have all read the book? The heroine finds +herself differing in her view of life from everyone round her. She is +married, but she has made no secret of her scorn for the old ideals, and +has announced that she has no intention of being bound by them.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley glanced uneasily at Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“Accordingly she does even as she had said,” continued Lady Engleton. +“She will not brook that interference with her liberty which marriage +among us old-fashioned people generally implies. She refuses to submit +to the attempt that is of course made (in spite of a pre-nuptial +understanding) to bring her under the yoke, and so off she goes and +lives independently, leaving husband and relatives lamenting.”</p> + +<p>The vicar’s wife said she thought she must be going home. Her husband +would be expecting her.</p> + +<p>“Oh, won’t you wait a little, Mrs. Walker? Your daughters would perhaps +like a game of tennis with my brothers presently.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker yielded uneasily.</p> + +<p>“But before <em>Caterina</em> takes the law into her own hands, in this way,” +Lady Engleton continued, “she is troubled with doubts. She sometimes +wonders whether she ought not, after all, to respect the popular +standards (notwithstanding the compact), instead of disturbing everybody +by clinging to her own. Now was it strength of character or obstinate +egotism that induced her to stick to her original colours, come what +might? That is the question which the book has stated but left +unanswered.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel said that the book showed, if it showed anything, that one +must be true to one’s own standard, and not attempt to respect an ideal +in practice that one despises in theory. We are bound, she asserted, to +produce that which is most individual within us; to be ourselves, and +not a poor imitation of someone else; to dare even apparent wrong-doing, +rather than submit to live a life of devotion to that which we cannot +believe.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker suggested to her daughters that they might go and have a +look at the rose-garden, but the daughters preferred to listen to the +conversation.</p> + +<p>“In real life,” said the practical Algitha, “<em>Caterina</em> would not have +been able to follow her idea so simply. Supposing she had had children +and complicated circumstances, what could she have done?”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel thought that a compromise might have been made.</p> + +<p>“A compromise by which she could act according to two opposite +standards?”</p> + +<p>Valeria was impatient of difficulties. It was not necessary that a woman +should leave her home in order to be true to her conscience. It was the +best method in <em>Caterina’s</em> case, but not in all.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel did not explain very clearly what she meant. Women made too +much of difficulties, she thought. Somehow people <em>had</em> managed to +overcome obstacles. Look at—and then followed a list of shining +examples.</p> + +<p>“I believe you would blame a modern woman who imitated them,” said Mrs. +Temperley. “These women have the inestimable advantage of being dead.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, yes,” Lady Engleton agreed, with a laugh, “we women may be anything +we like—in the last century.”</p> + +<p>“The tides of a hundred years or so sweeping over one’s audacious deed, +soften the raw edges. Then it is tolerated in the landscape; indeed, it +grows mossy and picturesque.” Mrs. Temperley made this comparison.</p> + +<p>“And then think how useful it becomes to prove that a daring deed <em>can</em> +be done, given only the necessary stuff in brain and heart.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker looked at Algitha in dismay.</p> + +<p>“One can throw it in the teeth of one’s contemporaries,” added Algitha, +“if they fail to produce a dramatic climax of the same kind.”</p> + +<p>“Only,” said Mrs. Temperley, “if they <em>do</em> venture upon their own +dreadful deed—the deed demanded by their particular modern +predicament—then we all shriek vigorously.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, we shriek less than we used to,” said Lady Engleton. “It is quite a +relief to be able to retain one’s respectability on easier terms.”</p> + +<p>“In such a case as Miss Du Prel depicts? I doubt it. <em>Caterina</em>, in real +life, would have a lively story to tell. How selfish we should think +her! How we should point to the festoons of bleeding hearts that she had +wounded—a dripping cordon round the deserted home! No; I believe Miss +Du Prel herself would be horrified at her own <em>Caterina</em> if she came +upon her unexpectedly in somebody’s drawing-room.”</p> + +<p>There was a laugh.</p> + +<p>“Of course, a great deal is to be said for the popular way of looking at +the matter,” Lady Engleton observed. “This fascinating heroine must have +caused a great deal of real sorrow, or at least she <em>would</em> have caused +it, were it not that her creator had considerably removed all relatives, +except a devoted couple of unorthodox parents, who are charmed at her +decision to scandalize society, and wonder why she doesn’t do it sooner. +Parents like that don’t grow on every bush.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker glanced nervously at her astonished girls.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton pointed out that had <em>Caterina</em> been situated in a more +ordinary manner, she would have certainly broken her parents’ hearts and +embittered their last years, to say nothing of the husband and perhaps +the children, who would have suffered for want of a mother’s care.</p> + +<p>“But why should the husband suffer?” asked Algitha. “<em>Caterina’s</em> +husband cordially detested her.”</p> + +<p>“It is customary to regard the occasion as one proper for suffering,” +said Mrs. Temperley, “and every well-regulated husband would suffer +accordingly.”</p> + +<p>“Clearly,” assented Lady Engleton. “When the world congratulates us we +rejoice, when it condoles with us we weep.”</p> + +<p>“That at least, would not affect the children,” said Algitha. “I don’t +see why of necessity <em>they</em> should suffer.”</p> + +<p>“Their share of the woe would be least of all, I think,” Mrs. Temperley +observed. “What ogre is going to ill-treat them? And since few of us +know how to bring up so much as an earth-worm reasonably, I can’t see +that it matters so very much which particular woman looks after the +children. Any average fool would do.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker was stiffening in every limb.</p> + +<p>“The children would have the usual chances of their class; neither more +nor less, as it seems to me, for lack of a maternal burnt-offering.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker rose, gathered her daughters about her, and came forward to +say good-bye. She was sure her husband would be annoyed if she did not +return. She retired with nervous precipitation.</p> + +<p>“Really you will depopulate this village, Mrs. Temperley,” cried Lady +Engleton with a laugh; “it is quite dangerous to bring up a family +within your reach. There will be a general exodus. I must be going +myself, or I shan’t have an orthodox sentiment left.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XX" id="CHAPTER_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">HENRIETTE had secured Mrs. Fullerton for an ally, from the beginning. +When Hadria’s parents visited the Red House, Miss Temperley was asked to +meet them, by special request. Henriette employed tact on a grand scale, +and achieved results in proportion. She was sorry that dear Hadria did +not more quickly recover her strength. Her health was not what it ought +to be. Mrs. Fullerton sighed. She was ready to play into Miss +Temperley’s hands on every occasion.</p> + +<p>The latter had less success in her dealings with Miss Du Prel. She tried +to discover Hadria’s more intimate feelings by talking her over with +Valeria, ignoring the snubs that were copiously administered by that +indignant lady. Valeria spoke with sublime scorn of this attempt.</p> + +<p>“To try and pump information out of a friend! Why not listen at the +key-hole, and be done with it!”</p> + +<p>Henriette’s neat hair would have stood on end, had she heard Miss Du +Prel fit adjectives to her conduct.</p> + +<p>“I have learnt not to expect a nice sense of honour from superior +persons with unimpeachable sentiments,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“You are certainly a good hater!” cried Valeria, with a laugh.</p> + +<p>“Oh, I don’t hate Henriette; I only hate unimpeachable sentiments.”</p> + +<p>The sentiments that Henriette represented had become, to Hadria, as the +walls of a prison from which she could see no means of escape.</p> + +<p>She had found that life took no heed either of her ambitions or of her +revolts. “And so I growl,” she said. She might hate and chafe in secret +to her heart’s content; external conformity was the one thing needful.</p> + +<p>“Hadria will be so different when she has children,” everyone had said. +And so she was; but the difference was alarmingly in the wrong +direction. Throughout history, she reflected, children had been the +unfailing means of bringing women into line with tradition. Who could +stand against them? They had been able to force the most rebellious to +their knees. An appeal to the maternal instinct had quenched the +hardiest spirit of revolt. No wonder the instinct had been so trumpeted +and exalted! Women might harbour dreams and plan insurrections; but +their children—little ambassadors of the established and expected—were +argument enough to convince the most hardened sceptics. Their +helplessness was more powerful to suppress revolt than regiments of +armed soldiers.</p> + +<p>Such were the thoughts that wandered through Hadria’s mind as she bent +her steps towards the cottage near Craddock Church, where, according to +the gravedigger’s account, the baby of the unhappy schoolmistress was +being looked after by Mrs. Gullick.</p> + +<p>It would have puzzled the keenest observer to detect the unorthodox +nature of Mrs. Temperley’s reflections, as she leant over the child, and +made enquiries as to its health and temperament.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Gullick seemed more disposed to indulge in remarks on its mother’s +conduct than to give the desired information; but she finally admitted +that Ellen Jervis had an aunt at Southampton who was sending a little +money for the support of the child. Ellen Jervis had stayed with the +aunt during the summer holidays. Mrs. Gullick did not know what was to +be done. She had a large family of her own, and the cottage was small.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley asked for the address of the aunt.</p> + +<p>“I suppose no one knows who the father is? He has not acknowledged the +child!”</p> + +<p>No; that was a mystery still.</p> + +<p>About a week later, Craddock Dene was amazed by the news that Mrs. +Temperley had taken the child of Ellen Jervis under her protection. A +cottage had been secured on the road to Craddock, a trustworthy nurse +engaged, and here the babe was established, with the consent and +blessing of the aunt.</p> + +<p>“You are the most inconsistent woman I ever met!” exclaimed Miss Du +Prel.</p> + +<p>“Why inconsistent?”</p> + +<p>“You say that children have been the means, from time immemorial, of +enslaving women, and here you go and adopt one of your enslavers!”</p> + +<p>“But this child is not legitimate.”</p> + +<p>Valeria stared.</p> + +<p>“Whatever the wrongs of Ellen Jervis, at least there were no laws +written, and unwritten, which demanded of her as a duty that she should +become the mother of this child. In that respect she escapes the +ignominy reserved for the married mother who produces children that are +not even hers.”</p> + +<p>“You do manage to ferret out the unpleasant aspects of our position!” +Miss Du Prel exclaimed. “But I want to know why you do this, Hadria. It +is good of you, but totally unlike you.”</p> + +<p>“You are very polite!” cried Hadria. “Why should I not lay up store for +myself in heaven, as well as Mrs. Walker and the rest?”</p> + +<p>“You were not thinking of heaven when you did this deed, Hadria.”</p> + +<p>“No; I was thinking of the other place.”</p> + +<p>“And do you hope to get any satisfaction out of your <em>protégée</em>?”</p> + +<p>Hadria shrugged her shoulders.</p> + +<p>“I don’t know. The child is the result of great sorrow and suffering; it +is the price of a woman’s life; a woman who offended the world, having +lived for nearly forty weary obedient years, in circumstances dreary +enough to have turned twenty saints into as many sinners. No; I am no +Lady Bountiful. I feel in defending this child—a sorry defence I +know—that I am, in so far, opposing the world and the system of things +that I hate——. Ah! <em>how</em> I hate it!”</p> + +<p>“Is it then hatred that prompts the deed?”</p> + +<p>Hadria looked thoughtfully towards the church tower, in whose shadow the +mother of the babe lay sleeping.</p> + +<p>“Can you ever quite unravel your own motives, Valeria? Hatred? Yes; +there is a large ingredient of hatred. Without it, probably this poor +infant would have been left to struggle through life alone, with a +mill-stone round its neck, and a miserable constitution into the +bargain. I hope to rescue its constitution. But that poor woman’s story +touched me closely. It is so hard, so outrageous! The emptiness of her +existence; the lack of outlet for her affections; the endless monotony; +and then the sudden new interest and food for the starved emotions; the +hero-worship that is latent in us all; and then—good heavens!—for a +touch of poetry, of romance in her life, she would have been ready to +believe in the professions of the devil himself—and this man was a very +good understudy for the devil! Ah! If ever I should meet him!”</p> + +<p>“What would you do?” Valeria asked curiously.</p> + +<p>“Avenge her,” said Hadria with set lips.</p> + +<p>“Easier said than done, my dear!”</p> + +<p>Gossip asserted that the father of the child was a man of some standing, +the bolder spirits even accusing Lord Engleton himself. But this was +conjecture run wild, and nobody seriously listened to it.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker was particularly scandalized with Mrs. Temperley’s +ill-advised charity. Hadria had the habit of regarding the clergyman’s +wife as another of society’s victims. She placed side by side the +schoolmistress in her sorrow and disgrace, and the careworn woman at the +Vicarage, with her eleven children, and her shrivelled nature, poor and +dead as an autumn leaf that shivers before the wind. They had both +suffered—so Mrs. Temperley dared to assert—in the same cause. They +were both victims of the same creed. It was a terrible cultus, a savage +idol that had devoured them both, as cruel and insatiable as the brazen +god of old, with his internal fires, which the faithful fed devoutly, +with shrinking girls and screaming children.</p> + +<p>“I still fail to understand why you adopt this child,” said Valeria. “My +<em>Caterina</em> would never have done it.”</p> + +<p>“The little creature interests me,” said Hadria. “It is a tiny field for +the exercise of the creative forces. Every one has some form of active +amusement. Some like golf, others flirtation. I prefer this sort of +diversion.”</p> + +<p>“But you have your own children to interest you, surely far more than +this one.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s face grew set and defiant.</p> + +<p>“They represent to me the insult of society—my own private and +particular insult, the tribute exacted of my womanhood. It is through +them that I am to be subdued and humbled. Just once in a way, however, +the thing does not quite ‘come off.’”</p> + +<p>“What has set you on edge so, I wonder.”</p> + +<p>“People, traditions, unimpeachable sentiments.”</p> + +<p>“<em>Yours</em> are not unimpeachable at any rate!” Valeria cried laughing. +“<em>Caterina</em> is an angel compared with you, and yet my publisher has his +doubts about her.”</p> + +<p>“<em>Caterina</em> would do as I do, I know,” said Hadria. “Those who are +looked at askance by the world appeal to my instincts. I shall be able +to teach this child, perhaps, to strike a blow at the system which sent +her mother to a dishonoured grave, while it leaves the man for whose +sake she risked all this, in peace and the odour of sanctity.”</p> + +<p>Time seemed to be marked, in the sleepy village, by the baby’s growth. +Valeria, who thought she was fond of babies, used to accompany Hadria on +her visits to the cottage, but she treated the infant so much as if it +had been a guinea-pig or a rabbit that the nurse was indignant.</p> + +<p>The weeks passed in rapid monotony, filled with detail and leaving no +mark behind them, no sign of movement or progress. The cares of the +house, the children, left only limited time for walking, reading, +correspondence, and such music as could be wrung out of a crowded day. +An effort on Hadria’s part, to make serious use of her musical talent +had been frustrated. But a pathetic, unquenchable hope always survived +that presently, when this or that corner had been turned, this or that +difficulty overcome, conditions would be conquered and opportunity +arrive. Not yet had she resigned her belief that the most harassing and +wearying and unceasing business that a human being can undertake, is +compatible with the stupendous labour and the unbounded claims of an +artist’s career. The details of practical life and petty duties sprouted +up at every step. If they were put aside, even for a moment, the wheels +of daily existence became clogged and then all opportunity was over. +Hope had begun to alternate with a fear lest that evasive corner should +never be turned, that little crop of interruptions never cease to turn +up. And yet it was so foolish. Each obstacle in itself was paltry. It +was their number that overcame one, as the tiny arrows of the Lilliputs +overcame Gulliver.</p> + +<p>One of Hadria’s best friends in Craddock Dene was Joseph Fleming, who +had become very intimate at the Red House during the last year or two. +Hadria used to tire of the necessity to be apparently rational (such was +her own version), and found it a relief to talk nonsense, just as she +pleased, to Joseph Fleming, who never objected or took offence, if he +occasionally looked surprised. Other men might have thought she was +laughing at them, but Joseph made no such mistake when Mrs. Temperley +broke out, as she did now and then, in fantastic fashion.</p> + +<p>She was standing, one morning, on the little bridge over the stream that +ran at a distance of a few hundred yards from the Red House. The two +boys were bespattering themselves in the meadow below, by the water’s +verge. They called up at intervals to their mother the announcement of +some new discovery of flower or insect.</p> + +<p>Watching the stream sweeping through the bridge, she seemed the centre +of a charming domestic scene to Joseph Fleming, who chanced to pass by +with his dogs. He addressed himself to her maternal feelings by +remarking what handsome and clever boys they were.</p> + +<p>“Handsome and clever?” she repeated. “Is <em>that</em> all you can say, Mr. +Fleming? When you set about it, I think you might provide a little +better food for one’s parental sentiment. I suppose you will go and tell +Mrs. Walker that <em>her</em> dozen and a half are all handsome and clever +too!”</p> + +<p>“Not so handsome and clever as yours,” replied Mr. Fleming, a little +aghast at this ravenous maternal vanity.</p> + +<p>“What wretched poverty of expression!” Hadria complained. “I ask for +bread, and truly you give me a stone.”</p> + +<p>Joseph Fleming eyed his companion askance. “I—I admire your boys +immensely, as you know,” he said.</p> + +<p>“Not enough, not enough.”</p> + +<p>“What can I say more?”</p> + +<p>“A mother has to find in her children all that she can hope to find in +life, and she naturally desires to make the most of them, don’t you +see?”</p> + +<p>“Ah! yes, quite so,” said Joseph dubiously.</p> + +<p>“Nobody, I suppose, likes to be commonplace all round; one must have +some poetry somewhere—so most women idealize their children, and if +other people won’t help them in the effort, don’t you see? it is most +discouraging.”</p> + +<p>“Are you chaffing, or what?” Joseph enquired.</p> + +<p>“No, indeed; I am perilously serious.”</p> + +<p>“I can well understand how a mother must get absorbed in her children,” +said Joseph. “I suppose it’s a sort of natural provision.”</p> + +<p>“Think of Mrs. Allan with her outrageous eight—all making mud-pies!” +cried Hadria; “a magnificent ‘natural provision!’ A small income, a +small house, with those pervasive eight. You know the stampede when one +goes to call; the aroma of bread and butter (there are few things more +inspiring); the cook always about to leave; Mrs. Allan with a racking +headache. It is indeed not difficult to understand how a mother would +get absorbed in her children. Why, their pinafores alone would become +absorbing.”</p> + +<p>“Quite so,” said Mr. Fleming. Then a little anxious to change the +subject: “Oh, by the way, have you heard that the Priory is really to +be inhabited at last? Professor Theobald has almost decided to take it.”</p> + +<p>“Really? that will be exciting for Craddock Dene. We shall have another +household to dissect and denounce. Providence watches over us all, I +verily believe.”</p> + +<p>“I hope so,” Joseph replied gravely.</p> + +<p>“Truly I hope so too,” Hadria said, no less seriously, “for indeed we +need it.”</p> + +<p>Joseph was too simple to be greatly surprised at anything that Mrs. +Temperley might say. He had decided that she was a little eccentric, and +that explained everything; just as he explained instances of +extraordinary reasoning power in a dog by calling it “instinct.” +Whatever Mrs. Temperley might do was slightly eccentric, and had she +suddenly taken it into her head to dance a fandango on the public road, +it would have merely put a little extra strain on that word.</p> + +<p>By dint of not understanding her, Joseph Fleming had grown to feel +towards Mrs. Temperley a genuine liking, conscious, in his vague way, +that she was kind at heart, however bitter or strange she might +sometimes be in her speech. Moreover, she was not always eccentric or +unexpected. There would come periods when she would say and do very much +as her neighbours said and did; looking then pale and lifeless, but +absolutely beyond the reach of hostile criticism, as her champion would +suggest to carping neighbours.</p> + +<p>Not the most respected of the ladies who turned up their disapproving +noses, was more dull or more depressing than Hadria could be, on +occasion, as she had herself pointed out; and would not <em>this</em> soften +stony hearts?</p> + +<p>When she discovered that her kindly neighbour had been fighting her +battles for her, she was touched; but she asked him not to expend his +strength on her behalf. She tried in vain to convince him that she did +not care to be invited too often to submit to the devitalizing processes +of social intercourse, to which the families of the district shrank not +from subjecting themselves. If Joseph Fleming chanced to call at the Red +House after her return from one of these entertainments, he was sure to +find Mrs. Temperley in one of her least comprehensible moods. But +whatever she might say, he stood up for her among the neighbours with +persistent loyalty. He decked her with virtues that she did not possess, +and represented her to the sceptical district, radiant in domestic +glory. Hadria thus found herself in an awkwardly uncertain position; +either she was looked at askance, as eccentric, or she found herself +called upon to make good expectations of saintliness, such as never were +on land or sea.</p> + +<p>Saintly? Hadria shook her head. She could imagine no one further from +such a condition than she was at present, and she felt it in her, to +swing down and down to the very opposite pole from that serene altitude. +She admitted that, from a utilitarian point of view, she was making a +vast mistake. As things were, Mrs. Walker and Mrs. Allan, laboriously +spinning their ponderous families on their own axes, in a reverent +spirit, had chosen the better part. But Hadria did not care. She would +<em>not</em> settle down to make the best of things, as even Algitha now +recommended, “since there she was, and there was no helping it.”</p> + +<p>“I will <em>never</em> make the best of things,” she said. “I know nothing that +gives such opportunities to the Devil.”</p> + +<p>Hadria had characteristically left the paradox unjustified.</p> + +<p>“What do you mean?” asked Algitha. “Surely the enemy of good has most +hold over the discontented spirit.”</p> + +<p>Hadria likened the contented to stagnant pools, wherein corruptions grow +apace. “It is only the discontented ocean that remains, for all its +storms, fresh and sane to the end.”</p> + +<p>But though she said this, for opposition’s sake perhaps, she had her +doubts about her own theory. Discontent was certainly the initiator of +all movement; but there was a kind of sullen discontent that stagnated +and ate inwards, like a disease. Better a cheerful sin or two than allow +<em>that</em> to take hold!</p> + +<p>“But then there is this sickly feminine conscience to deal with!” she +exclaimed. “It clings to the worst of us still, and prevents the +wholesome big catastrophes that might bring salvation.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXI" id="CHAPTER_XXI"></a>CHAPTER XXI.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">ANOTHER year had blundered itself away, leaving little trace behind it, +in Craddock Dene. The schoolmistress’s grave was greener and her child +rosier than of yore. Little Martha had now begun to talk, and promised +to be pretty and fair-haired like her mother.</p> + +<p>The boys and Algitha had come to spend Saturday and Sunday at the Red +House. Hadria hunted out a stupendous card-case (a wedding gift from +Mrs. Gordon), erected on her head a majestic bonnet, and announced to +the company that she was going for a round of visits.</p> + +<p>There was a yell of laughter. Hadria advanced across the lawn with quiet +dignity, bearing her card-case as one who takes part in a solemn +ceremony.</p> + +<p>“Where did you fall in with that casket?” enquired Fred.</p> + +<p>“And who was the architect of the cathedral?” asked Ernest.</p> + +<p>“This casket, as you call it, was presented to me by Mrs. Gordon. The +cathedral I designed myself.”</p> + +<p>They all crowded round to examine the structure. There were many +derisive comments.</p> + +<p>“Gothic,” said Ernest, “pure Gothic.”</p> + +<p>“I should have described it as ‘Early Perpendicular,’” objected Fred.</p> + +<p>“Don’t display your neglected education; it’s beyond all question +Gothic. Look at the steeple and the gargoyles and the handsome +vegetation. Ruskin would revel in it!”</p> + +<p>“Are you really going about in that thing?” asked Algitha.</p> + +<p>Hadria wished to know what was the use of designing a Gothic cathedral +if one couldn’t go about in it.</p> + +<p>The bonnet was, in truth, a daring caricature of the prevailing fashion, +just sufficiently serious in expression to be wearable.</p> + +<p>“Well, I never before met a woman who would deliberately flout her +neighbours by wearing preposterous millinery!” Ernest exclaimed.</p> + +<p>Hadria went her round of calls, and all eyes fixed themselves on her +bonnet. Mrs. Allan, who had small opportunity of seeing the fashions, +seemed impressed if slightly puzzled by it. Mrs. Jordan evidently +thought it “loud.” Mrs. Walker supposed it fashionable, but regretted +that this sort of thing was going to be worn this season. She hoped the +girls would modify the style in adopting it.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Walker had heard that the two Professors had arrived at Craddock +Place yesterday afternoon, and the Engletons expected them to make a +visit of some weeks. Hadria’s face brightened.</p> + +<p>“And so at last we may hope that the Priory will be inhabited,” said the +vicar’s wife.</p> + +<p>“Of course you know,” she added in the pained voice that she always +reserved for anecdotes of local ill-doing, “that Mrs. Fortescue +committed suicide there.”</p> + +<p>Madame Bertaux, the English wife of a French official, had chanced to +call, and Mrs. Walker gave the details of the story for the benefit of +the new-comer.</p> + +<p>Madame Bertaux was a brisk, clever, good-looking woman, with a profound +knowledge of the world and a corresponding contempt for it.</p> + +<p>It appeared that the Professor’s wife, whom Madame Bertaux had happened +to meet in Paris, was a young, beautiful, and self-willed girl, +passionately devoted to her husband. She was piqued at his lack of +jealousy, and doubted or pretended to doubt his love for her. In order +to put him to the test, she determined to rouse his jealousy by violent +and systematic flirtation. This led to an entanglement, and finally, in +a fit of reckless anger, to an elopement with a Captain Bolton who was +staying at the Priory at the time. Seized with remorse, she had returned +home to kill herself. This was the tragedy that had kept the old house +for so many years tenantless. Hadria’s music was the only sound that had +disturbed its silence, since the day when the dead body of its mistress +was found in the drawing-room, which she was supposed to have entered +unknown to anyone, by the window that gave on to the terrace.</p> + +<p>Valeria Du Prel was able to throw more light on the strange story. She +had difficulty in speaking without rancour of the woman who had thrown +away the love of such a man. She admitted that the girl was extremely +fascinating, and had seemed to Valeria to have the faults of an +impetuous rather than of a bad nature. She cherished that singular +desire of many strong-willed women, to be ruled and mastered by the man +she loved, and she had entirely failed to understand her husband’s +attitude towards her. She resented it as a sign of indifference. She was +like the Chinese wives, who complain bitterly of a husband’s neglect +when he omits to beat them. She taunted the Professor for failing to +assert his “rights.”</p> + +<p>“Morally, I have no rights, except such as you choose to give me of your +own free will,” he replied. “I am not your gaoler.”</p> + +<p>“And even that did not penetrate to her better nature till it was too +late,” Valeria continued. “But after the mischief was done, that phrase +seems to have stung her to torment. Her training had blinded her, as one +is blinded in coming out of darkness into a bright light. She was used +to narrower hearts and smaller brains. Her last letter—a terrible +record of the miseries of remorse—shews that she recognized at last +what sort of a man he was whose heart she had broken. But even in her +repentance, she was unable to conquer her egotism. She could not face +the horrors of self-accusation; she preferred to kill herself.”</p> + +<p>“What a shocking story!” cried Hadria.</p> + +<p>“And all the more so because the Professor clings to her memory so +faithfully. He blames himself for everything. He ought, he says, to have +realized better the influence of her training; he ought to have made her +understand that he could not assert what she called his ‘rights’ without +insulting her and himself.”</p> + +<p>“Whenever one hears anything new about the Professor, it is always +something that makes one admire and love him more than ever!” cried +Hadria.</p> + +<p>Her first meeting with him was in the old Yew Avenue in the Priory +garden. He was on his way to call at the Red House. She stood on a patch +of grass by a rustic seat commanding the vista of yews, and above them, +a wilderness of lilacs and laburnums, in full flower. It looked to her +like a pathway that led to some exquisite fairy palace of one’s +childhood.</p> + +<p>Almost with the first word that the Professor uttered, Hadria felt a +sense of relief and hope. The very air seemed to grow lighter, the scent +of the swaying flowers sweeter. She always afterwards associated this +moment of meeting with the image of that avenue of mourning yews, +crowned with the sunlit magnificence of an upper world of blossom.</p> + +<p>What had she been thinking of to run so close to despair during these +years? A word, a smile, and the dead weight swerved, swung into balance, +and life lifted up its head once more. She remembered now, not her +limitations, but the good things of her lot; the cruelties that Fate had +spared her, the miseries that the ruthless goddess had apportioned to +others. But the Professor’s presence did not banish, but rather +emphasized, the craving to take part in the enriching of that general +life which was so poor and sad. He strengthened her disposition to +revolt against the further impoverishment of it, through the starving of +her own nature. He would not blame her simply on account of difference +from others. She felt sure of that. He would not be shocked if she had +not answered to the stimulus of surroundings as faithfully as most +women seemed to answer to them. Circumstance had done its usual utmost +to excite her instinct to beat down the claims of her other self, but +for once, circumstance had failed. It was a solitary failure among a +creditable multitude of victories. But if instinct had not responded to +the imperious summons, the other self had been suffering the terrors of +a siege, and the garrison had grown starved and weakly. What would be +the end of it? And the little cynical imp that peeped among her +thoughts, as a monkey among forest boughs, gibbered his customary “What +matters it? One woman’s destiny is but a small affair. If I were you I +would make less fuss about it.” The Professor would understand that she +did not wish to make a fuss. He would not be hard upon any human being. +He knew that existence was not such an easy affair to manage. She wished +that she could tell him everything in her life—its struggle, its +desperate longing and ambition, its hatred, its love: only <em>he</em> would +understand all the contradictions and all the pain. She would not mind +his blame, because he would understand, and the blame would be just.</p> + +<p>They walked together down the avenue towards the beautiful old Tudor +house, which stood on the further side of a broad lawn.</p> + +<p>The Professor looked worn and thin. He owned to being very tired of the +hurry and struggle of town. He was sick of the conflict of jealousies +and ambitions. It seemed so little worth while, this din of voices that +would so soon be silenced.</p> + +<p>“I starve for the sight of a true and simple face, for the grasp of a +brotherly hand.”</p> + +<p>“<em>You?</em>” exclaimed Hadria.</p> + +<p>“There are so few, so very few, where the throng is thick and the battle +fierce. It saddens me to see good fellows trampling one another down, +growing hard and ungenerous. And then the vulgarity, the irreverence: +they are almost identical, I think. One grows very sick and sorry at +times amidst the cruelty and the baseness that threaten to destroy +one’s courage and one’s hope. I know that human nature has in it a germ +of nobility that will save it, in the long run, but meanwhile things +seem sadly out of joint.”</p> + +<p>“Is that the order of the universe?” asked Hadria.</p> + +<p>“No, I think it is rather the disorder of man’s nature,” he replied.</p> + +<p>Hadria asked if he would return to tea at the Red House. The Professor +said he would like to call and see Hubert, but proposed a rest on the +terrace, as it was still early in the afternoon.</p> + +<p>“I used to avoid the place,” he said, “but I made a mistake. I have +resolved to face the memories: it is better.”</p> + +<p>It was the first time that he had ever referred, in Hadria’s presence, +to the tragedy of the Priory.</p> + +<p>“I have often wished to speak to you about my wife,” he said slowly, as +they sat down on the old seat, on the terrace. “I have felt that you +would understand the whole sad story, and I hoped that some day you +would know it.” He paused and then added, “It has often been a comfort +to me to remember that you were in the world, for it made me feel less +lonely. I felt in you some new—what can I call it? instinct, impulse, +inspiration, which ran you straight against all the hardest stone walls +that intersect the pathways of this ridiculous old world. And, strange +to say, it is the very element in you that sets you at loggerheads with +others, that enabled me to understand you.”</p> + +<p>Hadria looked bewildered.</p> + +<p>“To tell you the truth, I have always wondered why women have never felt +as I am sure you feel towards life. You remember that day at Dunaghee +when you were so annoyed at my guessing your thoughts. They were +unmistakeable to one who shared them. Your sex has always been a riddle +to me; there seemed to be something abject in their nature, even among +the noblest of them. But you are no riddle. While I think you are the +least simple woman I ever met, you are to me the easiest to +understand.”</p> + +<p>“And yet I remember your telling me the exact contrary,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“That was before I had caught the connecting thread. Had I been a woman, +I believe that life and my place in it would have affected me exactly as +it affects you.”</p> + +<p>Hadria coloured over cheek and brow. It was so strange, so startling, so +delicious to find, for the first time in her life, this intimate +sympathy.</p> + +<p>“I wish my wife had possessed your friendship,” he said. “I believe you +would have saved us.” He passed his hands over his brow, looking round +at the closed windows of the drawing-room. “I almost feel as if she were +near us now on this old terrace that she loved so. She planted these +roses herself—how they have grown!” They were white cluster roses and +yellow banksias, which had strayed far along the balustrade, clambering +among the stone pillars.</p> + +<p>“You doubtless know the bare facts of her life, but nothing is so +misleading as bare fact. My wife was one of the positive natures, +capable of great nobility, but liable to glaring error and sin! She held +ideas passionately. She had the old barbaric notion that a husband was a +sort of master, and must assert his authority and rights. It was the +result of her training. I saw that a great development was before her. I +pleased myself with the thought of watching and helping it. She was +built on a grand scale. To set her free from prejudice, from her +injustice to herself, from her dependence on me; to teach her to breathe +deep with those big lungs of hers and think bravely with that capacious +brain: that was my dream. I hoped to hear her say to me some day, what I +fear no woman has yet been able to say to her husband, ‘The day of our +marriage was the birthday of my freedom.’”</p> + +<p>Hadria drew a long breath. It seemed to overwhelm her that a man, even +the Professor, could utter such a sentiment. All the old hereditary +instincts of conquest and ownership appeared to be utterly dead in him.</p> + +<p>No wonder he had found life a lonely pilgrimage! He lived before his +time. His wife had taunted him because he would not treat her as his +legal property, or rule her through the claims and opportunities that +popular sentiment assigned to him.</p> + +<p>When a woman as generous as himself, as just, as gentle-hearted, had +appeared on the horizon of the world, the advent of a nobler social +order might be hoped for. The two were necessary for the new era.</p> + +<p>Then, not only imagination, but cold reason herself grew eloquent with +promises.</p> + +<p>“It was in there, in the old drawing-room, where we had sat together +evening after evening, that they found her dead, the very type of all +that is brilliant and exquisite and living. To me she was everything. +All my personal happiness was centred in her. I cared for nothing so +long as she was in the same world as myself, and I might love her. In +the darkness that followed, I was brought face to face with the most +terrible problems of human fate. I had troubled myself but little about +the question of the survival of the personality after death; I had been +pre-occupied with life. Now I realized out of what human longings and +what human desperation our religions are built. For one gleam of hope +that we should meet again—what would I not have given? But it never +came. The trend of my thought made all such hopes impossible. I have +grown charier of the word ‘impossible’ now. We know so infinitesimally +little. I had to learn to live on comfortless. All that was strongly +personal in me died. All care about myself went out suddenly, as in +other cases I think it goes out slowly, beaten down by the continued +buffetings of life. I gave myself to my work, and then a curious +decentralizing process took place. I ceased to be the point round which +the world revolved, in my own consciousness. We all start our career as +pivots, if I am not mistaken. The world span, and I, in my capacity of +atomic part, span with it. I mean that this was a continuous, not an +occasional state of consciousness. After that came an unexpected +peace.”</p> + +<p>“You have travelled a long and hard road to find it!” cried Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Not a unique fate,” he said with a smile.</p> + +<p>“It must be a terrible process that quite kills the personal in one, it +is so strong. With me the element is clamorous.”</p> + +<p>“It has its part to play.”</p> + +<p>“Surely the gods must be jealous of human beings. Why did they destroy +the germ of such happiness as you might have had?”</p> + +<p>“The stern old law holds for ever; wrong and error have to be expiated.”</p> + +<p>The Professor traced the history of his wife’s family, shewing the +gradual gathering of Fate to its culmination in the tragedy of her short +life. Her father and grandfather had both been men of violent and +tyrannical temper, and tradition gave the same character to their +forefathers. Eleanor’s mother was one of the meek and saintly women who +almost invariably fall to the lot of overbearing men. She had made a +virtue of submitting to tyranny, and even to downright cruelty, thus +almost repeating the story of her equally meek predecessor, of whose +ill-treatment stories were still current in the district.</p> + +<p>“When death put an end to their wretchedness, one would suppose that the +evil of their lives was worked out and over, but it was not so. The +Erinnys were still unsatisfied. My poor wife became the victim of their +fury. And every new light that science throws upon human life shews that +this <em>must</em> be so. The old Greeks saw that unconscious evil-doing is +punished as well as that which is conscious. These poor unselfish women, +piling up their own supposed merit, at the expense of the character of +their tyrants, laid up a store of misery for their descendant, my +unhappy wife. Imagine the sort of training and tradition that she had to +contend with; her mother ignorant and supine, her father violent, +bigoted, almost brutal. Eleanor’s nature was obscured and distorted by +it. Having inherited the finer and stronger qualities of her father’s +race, with much of its violence, she was going through a struggle at the +time of our marriage: training, native vigour and nobility all embroiled +in a desperate civil war. It was too much. There is no doubt as to the +ultimate issue, but the struggle killed her. It is a common story: a +character militant which meets destruction in the struggle for life. The +past evil pursues and throttles the present good.”</p> + +<p>“This takes away the last consolation from women who have been forced to +submit to evil conditions,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“It is the truth,” said the Professor. “The Erinnys are no mere fancy of +the Greek mind. They are symbols of an awful fact of life that no one +can afford to ignore.”</p> + +<p>“What insensate fools we all are!” Hadria exclaimed. “I mean women.”</p> + +<p>The Professor made no polite objection to the statement.</p> + +<p>As they were wending their way towards the Red House, the Professor +reminded his companion of the old friendship that had existed between +them, ever since Hadria was a little girl. He had always cherished +towards her that sentiment of affectionate good-fellowship. She must +check him if he seemed to presume upon it, in seeking sympathy or +offering it. He watched her career with the deepest interest and +anxiety. He always believed that she would give some good gift to the +world. And he still believed it. Like the rest of us, she needed +sympathy at the right moment.</p> + +<p>“We need to feel that there is someone who believes in us, in our good +faith, in our good will, one who will not judge according to outward +success or failure. Remember,” he said, “that I have that unbounded +faith in you. Nothing can move it. Whatever happens and wherever you may +be led by the strange chances of life, don’t forget the existence of one +old friend, or imagine that anything can shake his friendship or his +desire to be of service.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXII" id="CHAPTER_XXII"></a>CHAPTER XXII.</h2> + + +<p><span class="dropcap">“T</span>HE worst thing about the life of you married people,” said Valeria, +“is its ridiculous rigidity. It takes more energy to get the dinner +delayed for a quarter of an hour in most well-regulated houses, or some +slight change in routine, than to alter a frontier, or pass an Act of +Parliament.”</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed. “Until you discovered this by personal inconvenience, +you always scolded me for my disposition to jeer at the domestic +scheme.”</p> + +<p>“It <em>is</em> a little geometrical,” Valeria admitted.</p> + +<p>“Geometrical! It is like a gigantic ordnance map palmed off on one +instead of a real landscape.”</p> + +<p>“Come now, to be just, say an Italian garden.”</p> + +<p>“That flatters it, but the simile will do. The eye sees to the end of +every path, and knows that it leads to nothing.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! dear Hadria, but all the pathways of the world have that very same +goal.”</p> + +<p>“At least some of them have the good taste to wind a little, and thus +disguise the fact. And think of the wild flowers one may gather by the +wayside in some forest track, or among the mountain passes; but in these +prim alleys what natural thing can one know? Brain and heart grow tame +and clipped to match the hedges, or take on grotesque shapes——”</p> + +<p>“That one must guard against.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, I am sick of guarding against things. To be always warding off +evil, is an evil in itself. Better let it come.”</p> + +<p>Valeria looked at her companion anxiously.</p> + +<p>“One knows how twirling round in a circle makes one giddy, or following +the same path stupefies. How does the polar bear feel, I wonder, after +he has walked up and down in his cage for years and years?”</p> + +<p>“Used to it, I imagine,” said Valeria.</p> + +<p>“But before he gets used to it, that is the bad time. And then it is all +so confusing——”</p> + +<p>Hadria sat on the low parapet of the terrace at the Priory. Valeria had +a place on the topmost step, where the sun had been beating all the +morning. Hadria had taken off her hat to enjoy the warmth. The long +sprays of the roses were blown across her now and then. Once, a thorn +had left a mark of blood upon her hand.</p> + +<p>Valeria gathered a spray, and nodded slowly.</p> + +<p>“I don’t want to allow emotion to get the better of me, Valeria. I don’t +want to run rank like some overgrown weed, and so I dread the +accumulation of emotion—emotion that has never had a good explosive +utterance. One has to be so discreet in these Italian gardens; no one +shouts or says ‘damn.’”</p> + +<p>“Ah! you naturally feel out of your element.”</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed. “It’s all very well to take that superior tone. <em>You</em> +don’t reside on an ordnance map.”</p> + +<p>There was a pause. Miss Du Prel seemed lost in thought.</p> + +<p>“It is this dead silence that oppresses one, this hushed endurance of +the travail of life. How do these women stand it?”</p> + +<p>Valeria presently woke up, and admitted that to live in an English +village would drive her out of her mind in a week. “And yet, Valeria, +you have often professed to envy me, because I had what you called a +place in life—as if a place in Craddock Dene were the same thing!”</p> + +<p>“It is well that you do not mean all you say.”</p> + +<p>“Or say all I mean.”</p> + +<p>Valeria laid her hand on Hadria’s with wistful tenderness.</p> + +<p>“I don’t think anyone will ever quite understand you, Hadria.”</p> + +<p>“Including perhaps myself. I sometimes fancy that when it became +necessary to provide me with a disposition, the material had run out, +for the moment, nothing being left but a few remnants of other people’s +characters; so a living handful of these was taken up, roughly welded +together, and then the mixture was sent whirling into space, to boil and +sputter itself out as best it might.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel turned to her companion.</p> + +<p>“I see that you are incongruously situated, but don’t you think that you +may be wrong yourself? Don’t you think you may be making a mistake?”</p> + +<p>Hadria was emphatic in assent.</p> + +<p>“Not only do I think I may be wrong, but I don’t see how—unless by pure +chance—I can be anything else. For I can’t discover what is right. I +see women all round me actuated by this frenzied sense of duty; I see +them toiling submissively at their eternal treadmill; occupying their +best years in the business of filling their nurseries; losing their +youth, narrowing their intelligence, ruining their husbands, and +clouding their very moral sense at last. Well, I know that such conduct +is supposed to be right and virtuous. But I can’t see it. It impresses +me simply as stupid and degrading. And from my narrow little point of +observation, the more I see of life, the more hopelessly involved become +all questions of right and wrong where our confounded sex is concerned.”</p> + +<p>“Why? Because the standards are changing,” asserted Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“Because—look, Valeria, our present relation to life is <em>in itself</em> an +injury, an insult—you have never seriously denied that—and how can one +make for oneself a moral code that has to lay its foundation-stone in +that very injury? And if one lays one’s foundation-stone in open ground +beyond, then one’s code is out of touch with present fact, and one’s +morality consists in sheer revolt all along the line. The whole matter +is in confusion. You have to accept Mrs. Walker’s and Mrs. Gordon’s view +of the case, plainly and simply, or you get off into a sort of morass +and blunder into quicksands.”</p> + +<p>“Then what happens?”</p> + +<p>“That’s just what I don’t know. That’s just why I say that I am probably +wrong, because, in this transition period, there seems to be no clear +right.”</p> + +<p>“To cease to believe in right and wrong would be to founder morally, +altogether,” Valeria warned.</p> + +<p>“I know, and yet I begin to realize how true it is that there is no such +thing as absolute right or wrong. It is related to the case and the +moment.”</p> + +<p>“This leads up to some desperate deed or other, Hadria,” cried her +friend, “I have feared it, or hoped it, I scarcely know which, for some +time. But you alarm me to-day.”</p> + +<p>“If I believed in the efficacy of a desperate deed, Valeria, I should +not chafe as I do, against the conditions of the present scheme of +things. If individuals could find a remedy for themselves, with a little +courage and will, there would be less occasion to growl.”</p> + +<p>“But can they not?”</p> + +<p>“Can they?” asked Hadria. “A woman without means of livelihood, breaks +away from her moorings—well, it is as if a child were to fall into the +midst of some gigantic machinery that is going at full speed. Let her +try the feat, and the cracking of her bones by the big wheels will +attest its hopelessness. And yet I long to try!” Hadria added beneath +her breath.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel admitted that success was rare in the present delirious +state of competition. Individuals here and there pulled through.</p> + +<p>“I told you years ago that Nature had chosen our sex for ill-usage. Try +what we may, defeat and suffering await us, in one form or another. You +are dissatisfied with your form of suffering, I with mine. A creature in +pain always thinks it would be more bearable if only it were on the +other side.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, I know you won’t admit it,” said Hadria, “but some day we shall all +see that this is the result of human cruelty and ignorance, and that it +is no more ‘intended’ or inherently necessary than that children should +be born with curvature of the spine, or rickets. Some day it will be as +clear as noon, that heartless ‘some day’ which can never help you or me, +or any of us who live now. It is we, I suppose, who are required to help +the ‘some day.’ Only how, when we are ourselves <em>in extremis</em>?”</p> + +<p>“The poor are helpers of the poor,” said Valeria.</p> + +<p>“But if they grow too poor, to starvation point, then they can help no +more; they can only perish slowly.”</p> + +<p>“I hoped,” said Valeria, “that Professor Fortescue would have poured oil +upon the troubled waters.”</p> + +<p>“He does in one sense. But in another, he makes me feel more than ever +what I am missing.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel’s impulsive instincts could be kept at bay no longer.</p> + +<p>“There is really nothing for it, but some deed of daring,” she cried. “I +believe, if only your husband could get over his horror of the scandal +and talk, that a separation would be best for you both. It is not as if +he cared for you. One can see he does not. You are such a strange, +inconsequent being, Hadria, that I believe you would feel the parting +far more than he would (conventions apart).”</p> + +<p>“No question of it,” said Hadria. “Our disharmony, radical and hopeless +as it is, does not prevent my having a strong regard for Hubert. I can’t +help seeing the admirable sides of his character. He is too irritated +and aggrieved to feel anything but rancour against me. It is natural. I +understand.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, it will only end in some disaster, if you try to reconcile the +irreconcilable. Of course I think it is a great pity that you have not +more of the instincts on which homes are founded, but since you have +not——”</p> + +<p>Hadria turned sharply round. “Do you really regret that just for once +the old, old game has been played unsuccessfully? Therein I can’t agree +with you, though I am the loser by it.” Hadria grasped a swaying spray +that the wind blew towards her, and clasped it hard in her hand, +regardless of the thorns. “It gives me a keen, fierce pleasure to know +that for all their training and constraining and incitement and +starvation, I have <em>not</em> developed masses of treacly instinct in which +mind and will and every human faculty struggle, in vain, to move leg or +wing, like some poor fly doomed to a sweet and sticky death. At least +the powers of the world shall not prevail with me by <em>that</em> old device. +Mind and will and every human faculty may die, but they shall not drown, +in the usual applauded fashion, in seas of tepid, bubbling, up-swelling +instinct. I will dare anything rather than endure that. They must take +the trouble to provide instruments of death from without; they must lay +siege and starve me; they must attack in soldierly fashion; I will not +save them the exertion by developing the means of destruction from +within. There I stand at bay. They shall knock down the citadel of my +mind and will, stone by stone.”</p> + +<p>“That is a terrible challenge!” exclaimed Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>A light laugh sounded across the lawn.</p> + +<p>The afternoon sunshine threw four long shadows over the grass: of a +slightly-built woman, of a very tall man, and of two smaller men.</p> + +<p>The figures themselves were hidden by a group of shrubs, and only the +shadows were visible. They paused, for a moment, as if in consultation; +the lady standing, with her weight half leaning on her parasol. The tall +man seemed to be talking to her vivaciously. His long, shadow-arms shot +across the grass, his head wagged.</p> + +<p>“The shadows of Fate!” cried Valeria fantastically.</p> + +<p>Then they moved into sight, advancing towards the terrace.</p> + +<p>“Who are they I wonder? Oh, Professor Fortescue, for one!”</p> + +<p>“Lady Engleton and Joseph Fleming. The other I don’t know.”</p> + +<p>He was very broad and tall, having a slight stoop, and a curious way of +carrying his head, craned forward. The attitude suggested a keen +observer. He was attired in knickerbockers and rough tweed Norfolk +jacket, and he looked robust and powerful, almost to excess. The chin +and mouth were concealed by the thick growth of dark hair, but one +suspected unpleasant things of the latter. As far as one could judge his +age, he seemed a man of about five-and-thirty, with vigour enough to +last for another fifty years.</p> + +<p>“That,” said Valeria, “must be Professor Theobald. He has probably come +to see the house.”</p> + +<p>“I am sure I shall hate that man,” exclaimed Hadria. “He is not to be +trusted; what nonsense he is talking to Lady Engleton!”</p> + +<p>“You can’t hear, can you?”</p> + +<p>“No; I can see. And she laughs and smiles and bandies words with him. He +is amusing certainly; there is that excuse for her; but I wonder how she +can do it.”</p> + +<p>“What an extraordinary creature you are! To take a prejudice against a +man before you have spoken to him.”</p> + +<p>“He is cruel, he is cruel!” exclaimed Hadria in a low, excited voice. +“He is like some cunning wild animal. Look at Professor Fortescue! his +opposite pole—why it is all clearer, at this distance, than if we were +under the confusing influence of their speech. See the contrast between +that quiet, firm walk, and the insinuating, conceited tread of the other +man. Joseph Fleming comes out well too, honest soul!”</p> + +<p>“He is carrying a fishing-rod. They have been fishing,” said Valeria.</p> + +<p>“Not Professor Fortescue, I am certain. <em>He</em> does not find his pleasure +in causing pain.”</p> + +<p>“This hero-worship blinds you. Depend upon it, he is not without the +primitive instinct to kill.”</p> + +<p>“There are individual exceptions to all savage instincts, or the world +would never move.”</p> + +<p>“Instinct rules the world,” said Miss Du Prel. “At least it is obviously +neither reason nor the moral sense that rules it.”</p> + +<p>“Then why does it produce a Professor Fortescue now and then?”</p> + +<p>“Possibly as a corrective.”</p> + +<p>“Or perhaps for fun,” said Hadria.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIII" id="CHAPTER_XXIII"></a>CHAPTER XXIII.</h2> + + +<p><span class="dropcap">“P</span>ROFESSOR THEOBALD, if you are able to resist the fascinations of this +old house you are made of sterner stuff than I thought.”</p> + +<p>“I can never resist fascinations, Lady Engleton.”</p> + +<p>“Do you ever try?”</p> + +<p>“My life is spent in the endeavour.”</p> + +<p>“How foolish!” Whether this applied to the endeavour or to the remark, +did not quite appear. Lady Engleton’s graceful figure leant over the +parapet.</p> + +<p>“Do you know, Mrs. Temperley,” she said in her incessantly vivacious +manner, “I have scarcely heard a serious word since our two Professors +came to us. Isn’t it disgraceful? I naturally expected to be improved +and enlightened, but they are both so frivolous, I can’t keep them for a +moment to any important subject. They refuse to be profound. It is <em>I</em> +who have to be profound.”</p> + +<p>“While <em>we</em> endeavour to be charming,” said Professor Theobald.</p> + +<p>“You may think that flattering, but I confess it seems to me a beggarly +compliment (as men’s to women usually are).”</p> + +<p>“You expect too much of finite intelligence, Lady Engleton.”</p> + +<p>“This is how I am always put off! If it were not that you are both such +old friends—you are a sort of cousin I think, Professor Fortescue—I +should really feel aggrieved. One has to endure so much more from +relations. No, but really; I appeal to Mrs. Temperley. When one is +hungering for erudition, to be offered compliments! Not that I can +accuse Professor Fortescue of compliments,” she added with a laugh; +“wild horses would not drag one from him. I angle vainly. But he is so +ridiculously young. He enjoys things as if he were a schoolboy. Does one +look for that in one’s Professors? He talks of the country as if it were +<em>Paradise Regained</em>.”</p> + +<p>“So it is to me,” he said with a smile.</p> + +<p>“But that is not your <em>rôle</em>. You have to think, not to enjoy.”</p> + +<p>“Then you must not invite us to Craddock Place,” Professor Theobald +stipulated.</p> + +<p>“As usual, a halting compliment.”</p> + +<p>“To take you seriously, Lady Engleton,” said Professor Fortescue, +“(though I know it is a dangerous practice) one of the great advantages +of an occasional think is to enable one to relish the joys of mental +vacuity, just as the pleasure of idleness is never fully known till one +has worked.”</p> + +<p>“Ah,” sighed Lady Engleton, “I know I don’t extract the full flavour out +of <em>that</em>!”</p> + +<p>“It is a neglected art,” said the Professor. “After worrying himself +with the problems of existence, as the human being is prone to do, as +soon as existence is more or less secure and peaceful, a man can +experience few things more enjoyable than to leave aside all problems +and go out into the fields, into the sun, to feel the life in his veins, +the world at the threshold of his five senses.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, now you really are profound at last, Professor!”</p> + +<p>“I thought it was risky to take you seriously.”</p> + +<p>“No, no, I am delighted. The world at the threshold of one’s five +senses. One has but to look and to listen and the beauty of things +displays itself for our benefit. Yes, but that is what the artists say, +not the Professors.”</p> + +<p>“Even a Professor is human,” pleaded Theobald.</p> + +<p>Valeria quoted some lines that she said expressed Professor Fortescue’s +idea.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“Carry me out into the wind and the sunshine,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Into the beautiful world!”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Lady Engleton’s artistic instinct seemed to occupy itself less with the +interpretation of Nature than with the appreciation of the handiwork of +man. The lines did not stir her. Professor Theobald shared her +indifference for the poetic expression, but not for the reality +expressed.</p> + +<p>“I quarrel with you about art,” said Lady Engleton. “Art is art, and +nature is nature, both charming in their way, though I prefer art.”</p> + +<p>“Our old quarrel!” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>“Because a wild glade is beautiful in its quality of wild glade, you +can’t see the beauty in a trim bit of garden, with its delightful +suggestion of human thought and care.”</p> + +<p>“I object to stiffness,” said Professor Theobald.</p> + +<p>His proposals to improve the stately old gardens at the Priory by adding +what Lady Engleton called “fatuous wriggles to all the walks, for mere +wrigglings’ sake,” had led to hot discussions on the principles of art +and the relation of symmetry to the sensibilities of mankind. Lady +Engleton thought the Professor crude in taste, and shallow in knowledge, +on this point.</p> + +<p>“And yet you appreciate so keenly my old enamels, and your eye seeks +out, in a minute, a picturesque roof or gable.”</p> + +<p>“Perhaps Theobald leans to the picturesque and does not care for the +classic,” suggested his colleague; “a fundamental distinction in mental +bias.”</p> + +<p>“Then why does he enjoy so much of the <em>Renaissance</em> work on caskets and +goblets? He was raving about them last night in the choicest English.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton crossed over to speak to Miss Du Prel. Professor Theobald +approached Mrs. Temperley and Joseph Fleming. Hadria knew by some +instinct that the Professor had been waiting for an opportunity to speak +to her. As he drew near, a feeling of intense enmity arose within her, +which reached its highest pitch when he addressed her in a fine, +low-toned voice of peculiarly fascinating quality. Every instinct rose +up as if in warning. He sat down beside her, and began to talk about +the Priory and its history. His ability was obvious, even in his choice +of words and his selection of incidents. He had the power of making dry +archæological facts almost dramatic. His speech differed from that of +most men, in the indefinable manner wherein excellence differs from +mediocrity. Yet Hadria was glad to notice some equally indefinable lack, +corresponding perhaps to the gap in his consciousness that Lady Engleton +had come upon in their discussions on the general principles of art. +What was it? A certain stilted, unreal quality? Scarcely. Words refused +to fit themselves to the evasive form. Something that suggested the term +“second class,” though whether it were the manner or the substance that +was responsible for the impression, was difficult to say.</p> + +<p>Sometimes his words allowed two possible interpretations to be put upon +a sentence. He was a master of the ambiguous. Obviously it was not lack +of skill that produced the double-faced phrases.</p> + +<p>He did not leave his listeners long in doubt as to his personal history. +He enjoyed talking about himself. He was a Professor of archæology, and +had written various learned books on the subject. But his studies had by +no means been confined to the one theme. History had also interested him +profoundly. He had published a work on the old houses of England. The +Priory figured among them. It was not difficult to discover from the +conversation of this singular man, whose subtle and secretive instincts +were contradicted, at times, by a strange inconsequent frankness, that +his genuine feeling for the picturesque was accompanied by an equally +strong predilection for the appurtenances of wealth and splendour; his +love of great names and estates being almost of the calibre of the +housemaid’s passion for lofty personages in her penny periodical. He +seemed to be a man of keen and cunning ability, who studied and played +upon the passions and weaknesses of his fellows, possibly for their +good, but always as a magician might deal with the beings subject to his +power. By what strange lapse did he thus naïvely lay himself open to +their smiles?</p> + +<p>Hadria was amused at his occasional impulse of egotistic frankness (or +what appeared to be such), when he would solemnly analyse his own +character, admitting his instinct to deceive with an engaging and +scholarly candour.</p> + +<p>His penetrating eyes kept a watch upon his audience. His very simplicity +seemed to be guarded by his keenness.</p> + +<p>Hadria chafed under his persistent effort to attract and interest her. +She gave a little inward shiver on finding that there was a vague, +unaccountable, and unpleasant fascination in the personality of the man.</p> + +<p>It was not charm, it was nothing that inspired admiration; it rather +inspired curiosity and stirred the spirit of research, a spirit which +evidently animated himself. She felt that, in order to investigate the +workings of her mind and her heart, the Professor would have coolly +pursued the most ruthless psychical experiments, no matter at what cost +of anguish to herself. In the interests of science and humanity, the +learned Professor would certainly not hesitate to make one wretched +individual agonize.</p> + +<p>His appeal to the intellect was stimulatingly strong; it was like a +stinging wind, that made one walk at a reckless pace, and brought the +blood tingling through every vein. That intellectual force could alone +explain the fact of his being counted by Professor Fortescue as a +friend. Even then it was a puzzling friendship. Could it be that to +Professor Fortescue, he shewed only his best side? His manner was more +respectful towards his colleague than towards other men, but even with +him he was irreverent in his heart, as towards mankind in general.</p> + +<p>To Hadria he spoke of Professor Fortescue with enthusiasm—praising his +great power, his generosity, his genial qualities, and his uprightness; +then he laughed at him as a modern Don Quixote, and sneered at his +efforts to save animal suffering when he might have made a name that +would never be forgotten, if he pursued a more fruitful branch of +research.</p> + +<p>Hadria remarked that Professor Theobald’s last sentence had added the +crowning dignity to his eulogium.</p> + +<p>He glanced at her, as if taking her measure.</p> + +<p>“Fortescue,” he called out, “I envy you your champion. You point, Mrs. +Temperley, to lofty altitudes. I, as a mere man, cannot pretend to scale +them.”</p> + +<p>Then he proceeded to bring down feminine loftiness with virile reason.</p> + +<p>“In this world, where there are so many other evils to combat, one feels +that it is more rational to attack the more important first.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! there is nothing like an evil to bolster up an evil,” cried +Professor Fortescue; “the argument never fails. Every abuse may find +shelter behind it. The slave trade, for instance; have we not white +slavery in our midst? How inconsistent to trouble about negroes till our +own people are truly free! Wife-beating? Sad; but then children are +often shamefully ill-used. Wait till <em>they</em> are fully protected before +fussing about wives. Protect children? Foolish knight-errant, when you +ought to know that drunkenness is at the root of these crimes! Sweep +away <em>this</em> curse, before thinking of the children. As for animals, how +can any rational person consider <em>their</em> sufferings, when there are men, +women, and children with wrongs to be redressed?”</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald laughed.</p> + +<p>“My dear Fortescue, I knew you would have some ingenious excuse for your +amiable weaknesses.”</p> + +<p>“It is easier to find epithets than answers, Theobald,” said the +Professor with a smile. “I confess I wonder at a man of your logical +power being taken in with this cheap argument, if argument it can be +called.”</p> + +<p>“It is my attachment to logic that makes me crave for consistency,” said +Theobald, not over pleased at his friend’s attack.</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue stared in surprise.</p> + +<p>“But do you really mean to tell me that you think it logical to excuse +one abuse by pointing to another?”</p> + +<p>“I think that while there are ill-used women and children, it is +certainly inconsistent to consider animals,” said Theobald.</p> + +<p>“It does not occur to you that the spirit in man that permits abuse of +power over animals is precisely the same devil-inspired spirit that +expresses itself in cruelty towards children. Ah,” continued Professor +Fortescue, shaking his head, “then you really are one of the many who +help wrong to breed wrong, and suffering to foster suffering, all the +world over. It is you and those who reason as you reason, who give to +our miseries their terrible vitality. What arguments has evil ever given +to evil! What shelter and succour cruelty offers eternally to cruelty!”</p> + +<p>“I can’t attempt to combat this hobby of yours, Fortescue.”</p> + +<p>“Again a be-littling epithet in place of an argument! But I know of old +that on this subject your intellectual acumen deserts you, as it deserts +nearly all men. You sink suddenly to lower spiritual rank, and employ +reasoning that you would laugh to scorn in connection with every other +topic.”</p> + +<p>“You seem bent on crushing me,” exclaimed Theobald. “And Mrs. Temperley +enjoys seeing me mangled. Talk about cruelty to animals! I call this +cold-blooded devilry! Mrs. Temperley, come to my rescue!”</p> + +<p>“So long as other forms of cruelty can be instanced, Professor Theobald, +I don’t see how, on your own shewing, you can expect any consistent +person to raise a finger to help you,” Hadria returned. Theobald +laughed.</p> + +<p>“But I consider myself too important and valuable to be made the subject +of this harsh treatment.”</p> + +<p>“That is for others to decide. If it affords us amusement to torment +you, and amusement benefits our nerves and digestion, how can you justly +object? We must consider the greatest good of the greatest number; and +we are twice as numerous as you.”</p> + +<p>“You are delicious!” he exclaimed. Mrs. Temperley’s manner stiffened.</p> + +<p>Acute as the Professor was in many directions, he did not appear to +notice the change.</p> + +<p>His own manner was not above criticism.</p> + +<p>“It is strange,” said Lady Engleton, in speaking of him afterwards to +Hadria, “it is strange that his cleverness does not come to the rescue; +but so far from that, I think it leads him a wild dance over boggy +ground, like some will-o’-the-wisp, but for whose freakish allurements +the good man might have trodden a quiet and inoffensive way.”</p> + +<p>The only means of procuring the indispensable afternoon tea was to go on +to the Red House, which Mrs. Temperley proposed that they should all do.</p> + +<p>“And is there no shaking your decision about the Priory, Professor +Theobald?” Lady Engleton asked as they descended the steps.</p> + +<p>The Professor’s quick glance sought Mrs. Temperley’s before he answered. +“I confess to feeling less heroic this afternoon.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, good! We may perhaps have you for a neighbour after all.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIV" id="CHAPTER_XXIV"></a>CHAPTER XXIV.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">HADRIA tried to avoid Professor Theobald, but he was not easily avoided. +She frequently met him in her walks. The return of spring had tempted +her to resume her old habit of rising with the sun. But she found, what +she had feared, that her strength had departed, and she was fatigued +instead of invigorated, as of yore. She did not regard this loss in a +resigned spirit. Resignation was certainly not her strong point. The +vicar’s wife and the doctor’s wife and the rest of the neighbours +compared their woes and weariness over five o’clock tea, and these +appeared so many and so severe that Hadria felt half ashamed to count +hers at all. Yet why lower the altars of the sane goddess because her +shrine was deserted? Health was health, though all the women of England +were confirmed invalids. And with nothing less ought reasonable +creatures to be satisfied. As for taking enfeeblement as a natural +dispensation, she would as soon regard delirium tremens in that light.</p> + +<p>She chafed fiercely against the loss of that blessed sense of well-being +and overflowing health, that she used to have, in the old days. She +resented the nerve-weariness, the fatigue that she was now more +conscious of than ever, with the coming of the spring. The impulse of +creative energy broke forth in her. The pearly mornings and the birds’ +songs stirred every instinct of expression. The outburst did not receive +its usual check. The influences of disenchantment were counteracted by +Professor Fortescue’s presence. His sympathy was marvellous in its +penetration, brimming the cold hollows of her spirit, as a flooded +river fills the tiniest chinks and corners about its arid banks. He +called forth all her natural buoyancy and her exulting sense of life, +which was precisely the element which charged her sadness with such a +fierce electric quality, when she became possessed by it, as a cloud by +storm.</p> + +<p>Valeria too was roused by the season.</p> + +<p>“What a parable it all is, as old as the earth, and as fresh, each new +year, as if a messenger-angel had come straight from heaven, in his +home-spun of young green, to tell us that all is well.”</p> + +<p>If Hadria met Professor Theobald in her rambles, she always cut short +her intended walk. She and Valeria with Professor Fortescue wandered +together, far and wide. They watched the daily budding greenery, the +gleams of daffodils among their sword-blades of leaves, the pushing of +sheaths and heads through the teeming soil, the bursts of sunshine and +the absurd childish little gushes of rain, skimming the green country +like a frown.</p> + +<p>“Truly a time for joy and idleness.”</p> + +<p>“If only,” said Hadria, when Professor Theobald thus grew enthusiastic +on the subject, “if only my cook had not given a month’s notice.”</p> + +<p>She would not second his mood, be it what it might. Each day, as they +passed along the lanes, the pale green had spread, like fire, on the +hedges, caught the chestnuts, with their fat buds shining in the sun, +which already was releasing the close-packed leaflets.</p> + +<p>Hadria (apparently out of sheer devilry, said Professor Theobald) kept +up a running commentary on the season, and on her hapless position, +bound to be off on the chase for a cook at this moment of festival. Nor +was this all. Crockery, pots and pans, clothes for the children, clothes +for herself, were urgently needed, and no experienced person, she +declared, could afford to regard the matter as simple because it was +trivial.</p> + +<p>“One of the ghastliest mistakes in this trivial and laborious world.”</p> + +<p>Valeria thought that cooks had simply to be advertised for, and they +came.</p> + +<p>“What <em>naïveté!</em>” exclaimed Hadria. “Helen was persuaded to cross the +seas from her Spartan home to set Troy ablaze, and tarnish her fair +fame, but it would take twenty sons of Priam to induce a damsel to come +over dry land to Craddock Dene, to cook our dinners and retain her +character.”</p> + +<p>“You would almost imply that women don’t so very much care about their +characters,” said Valeria.</p> + +<p>“Oh, they do! but sometimes the dulness that an intelligent society has +ordained as the classic accompaniment to social smiles, gets the better +of a select few—Helen <em>par exemple</em>.”</p> + +<p>It frequently happened that Hadria and Miss Du Prel came across Lady +Engleton and her guests, in the Priory garden. From being accidental, +the meetings had become intentional.</p> + +<p>“I like to fancy we are fugitives—like Boccaccio’s merry company—from +the plague of our daily prose, to this garden of sweet poetry!” cried +Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>They all kindled at the idea. Valeria made some fanciful laws that she +said were to govern the little realm. Everyone might express himself +freely, and all that he said would be held as sacred, as if it were in +confidence. To speak ill or slightingly of anyone, was forbidden. All +local and practical topics were to be dropped, as soon as the moss-grown +griffins who guarded the Garden of Forgetfulness were passed.</p> + +<p>Hadria was incorrigibly flippant about the banishment of important local +subjects. She said that the kitchen-boiler was out of order, and yet she +had to take part in these highly-cultivated conversations and smile, as +she complained, with that kitchen-boiler gnawing at her vitals. She +claimed to be set on a level with the Spartan boy, if not above him. +Valeria might scoff, as those proverbially did who never felt a wound. +Hadria found a certain lack of tender feeling among the happy few who +had no such tragic burdens to sustain.</p> + +<p>Not only were these prosaic subjects banished from within the cincture +of the gentle griffins, but also the suspicions, spites, petty +jealousies, vulgar curiosities, and all the indefinable little darts and +daggers that fly in the social air, destroying human sympathy and +good-will. Each mind could expand freely, no longer on the defensive +against the rain of small stabs. There grew up a delicate, and +chivalrous code among the little group who met within the griffins’ +territory.</p> + +<p>“It is not for us to say that, individually, we transcend the average of +educated mortals,” said Professor Theobald, “but I do assert that +collectively we soar high above that depressing standard.”</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue observed that whatever might be said about their own +little band, it was a strange fact that bodies of human beings were able +to produce, by union, a condition far above or far below the average of +their separate values. “There is something chemical and explosive in +human relationships,” he said.</p> + +<p>These meetings stood out as a unique experience in the memory of all who +took part in them. Chance had brought them to pass, and they refused to +answer to the call of a less learned magician.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton and Mrs. Temperley alternately sent tea and fruit to the +terrace, on the days of meeting, and there the little company would +spend the afternoon serenely, surrounded by the beauties of the garden +with its enticing avenues, its chaunting birds, its flushes of bloom, +and its rich delicious scents.</p> + +<p>“Why do we, in the nineteenth century, starve ourselves of these +delicate joys?” cried Valeria. “Why do we so seldom leave our stupid +pre-occupations and open our souls to the sun, to the spring, to the +gentle invitations of gardens, to the charm of conversation? We seem to +know nothing of the serenities, the urbanities of life.”</p> + +<p>“We live too fast; we are too much troubled about outward things—cooks +and dressmakers, Mrs. Temperley,” said Professor Theobald.</p> + +<p>“Poor cooks and dressmakers!” murmured Professor Fortescue, “where are +<em>their</em> serenities and urbanities?”</p> + +<p>“I would not deprive any person of the good things of life,” cried +Valeria; “but at present, it is only a few who can appreciate and +contribute to the delicate essence that I speak of. I don’t think one +could expect it of one’s cook, after all.”</p> + +<p>“One is mad to expect anything of those who have had no chance,” said +Professor Fortescue. “That nevertheless we consistently do,—or what +amounts to the same thing: we plume ourselves on what chance has enabled +us to be and to achieve, as if between us and the less fortunate there +were some great difference of calibre and merit. Nine times in ten, +there is nothing between us but luck.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, dear, you <em>are</em> democratic, Professor!” cried Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“No; I am merely trying to be just.”</p> + +<p>“To be just you must apply your theory to men and women, as well as to +class and class,” Valeria suggested.</p> + +<p>“<em>Mon Dieu!</em> but so I do; so I always have done, as soon as I was +intellectually short-coated.”</p> + +<p>“And would you excuse all our weaknesses on that ground?” asked Lady +Engleton, with a somewhat ingratiating upward gaze of her blue eyes.</p> + +<p>“I would account for them as I would account for the weaknesses of my +own sex. As for excusing, the question of moral responsibility is too +involved to be decided off-hand.”</p> + +<p>The atmosphere of Griffin-land, as Professor Theobald called it, while +becoming to his character, made him a little recklessly frank at times.</p> + +<p>He admitted that throughout his varied experience of life, he had found +flattery the most powerful weapon in a skilled hand, and that he had +never known it fail. He related instances of the signal success which +had followed its application with the trowel. He reminded his listeners +of Lord Beaconsfield’s famous saying, and chuckled over the unfortunate +woman, “plain as a pike-staff,” who had become his benefactress, in +consequence of a discreet allusion to the “power of beauty” and a +well-placed sigh.</p> + +<p>“The woman must have been a fool!” said Joseph Fleming.</p> + +<p>“By no means; she was of brilliant intellect. But praises of that were +tame to her; she knew her force, and was perhaps tired of the solitude +it induced.” Professor Theobald laughed mightily at his own sarcasm. +“But when the whisper of ‘beauty’ came stealing to her ear (which was by +no means like a shell) it was surpassing sweet to her. I think there is +no yearning more intense than that of a clever woman for the triumphs of +mere beauty. She would give all her powers of intellect for the smallest +tribute to personal and feminine charm. What is your verdict, Mrs. +Temperley?”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley supposed that clever women had something of human nature +in them, and valued overmuch what they did not possess.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald had perhaps looked for an answer that would have +betrayed more of the speaker’s secret feelings.</p> + +<p>“It is the fashion, I know,” he said, “to regard woman as an enigma. +Now, without professing any unusual acuteness, I believe that this is a +mistake. Woman is an enigma certainly, because she is human, but that +ends it. Her conditions have tended to cultivate in her the power of +dissimulation, and the histrionic quality, just as the peaceful ilex +learns to put forth thorns if you expose it to the attacks of devouring +cattle. It is this instinct to develop thorns in self-defence, and yet +to live a little behind the prickly outposts, that leads to our notion +of mystery in woman’s nature. Let a man’s subsistence and career be +subject to the same powers and chances as the success of a woman’s life +now hangs on, and see whether he too does not become a histrionic +enigma.”</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue observed that the clergy, at times, developed +qualities called feminine, because in some respects their conditions +resembled those of women.</p> + +<p>Theobald assented enthusiastically to this view. He had himself entered +the church as a young fellow (let not Mrs. Temperley look so +inconsiderately astonished), and had left it on account of being unable +to conscientiously subscribe to its tenets.</p> + +<p>“But not before I had acquired some severe training in that sort of +strategy which is incumbent upon women, in the conduct of their lives. +Whatever I might privately think or feel, my office required that I +should only express that which would be more or less grateful to my +hearers. (Is not this the woman’s case, in almost every position in +life?) Even orthodoxy must trip it on tiptoe; there was always some +prejudice, some susceptibility to consider. What was frankness in others +was imprudence in me; other men’s minds might roam at large; mine was +tethered, if not in its secret movements, at least in its utterance; and +it is a curious and somewhat sinister law of Nature, that perpetual +denial of utterance ends by killing the power or the feeling so held in +durance.”</p> + +<p>Hadria coloured.</p> + +<p>“That experience and its effect upon my own nature, which has lasted to +this day,” added Theobald, “served to increase my interest in the +fascinating study of character in its relation to environment.”</p> + +<p>“Ah!” exclaimed Hadria, “then <em>you</em> don’t believe in the independent +power of the human will?”</p> + +<p>“Certainly not. To talk of character overcoming circumstance is to talk +of an effect without a cause. Yet this phrase is a mere commonplace in +our speech. A man no more overcomes his circumstance than oxygen +overcomes nitrogen when it combines with it to form the air we breathe. +If the nitrogen is present, the combination takes place; but if there is +no nitrogen to be had, all the oxygen in the world will not produce our +blessed atmosphere!”</p> + +<p>Joseph Fleming caused a sort of anti-climax by mentioning simply that he +didn’t know that any nitrogen was required in the atmosphere. One always +heard about the oxygen.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald remarked, with a chuckle, that this was one of the +uses of polite conversation; one picked up information by the wayside. +Joseph agreed that it was wonderfully instructive, if the speakers were +intelligent.</p> + +<p>“That helps,” said the Professor, tapping Joseph familiarly on the +shoulder.</p> + +<p>“When shall we have our next meeting?” enquired Lady Engleton, when the +moment came for parting.</p> + +<p>“The sooner the better,” said Valeria. “English skies have Puritan +moods, and we may as well profit by their present jocund temper. I never +saw a bluer sky in all Italy.”</p> + +<p>“I certainly shall not be absent from the next meeting,” announced +Theobald, with a glance at Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Nor I,” said Lady Engleton. “Such opportunities come none too often.”</p> + +<p>“I,” Hadria observed, “shall be cook-hunting.”</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald’s jaw shut with a snap, and he turned and left the +group almost rudely.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXV" id="CHAPTER_XXV"></a>CHAPTER XXV.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">HADRIA thought that Professor Theobald had not spoken at random, when he +said that the sweetest tribute a woman can receive is that paid to her +personal charm. This unwilling admission was dragged out of her by the +sight of Valeria Du Prel, as the central figure of an admiring group, in +the large drawing-room at Craddock Place.</p> + +<p>She was looking handsome and animated, her white hair drawn proudly off +her brow, and placed as if with intention beside the silken curtains, +whose tint of misty pale green was so becoming to her beauty.</p> + +<p>Valeria was holding her little court, and thoroughly enjoying the +admiration.</p> + +<p>“If we have had to live by our looks for all these centuries, surely the +instinct that Professor Theobald thinks himself so penetrating to have +discovered in clever women, is accounted for simply enough by heredity,” +Hadria said to herself, resentfully.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald was bending over Miss Du Prel with an air of +devotion. Hadria wished that she would not take his compliments so +smilingly. Valeria would not be proof against his flattery. She kindled +with a child’s frankness at praise. It stung Hadria to think of her +friend being carelessly classed by the Professor among women whose +weakness he understood and could play upon. He would imagine that he had +discovered the mystery of the sun, because he had observed a spot upon +it, not understanding the nature of the very spot. Granted that a little +salve to one’s battered and scarified self-love was soft and grateful, +what did that prove of the woman who welcomed it, beyond a human +craving to keep the inner picture of herself as bright and fine as might +be? The man who, out of contempt or irreverence, set a bait for the +universal appetite proved himself, rather than his intended victim, of +meagre quality. Valeria complimented him generously by supposing him +sincere.</p> + +<p>Occasional bursts of laughter came from her court. Professor Theobald +looked furtively round, as if seeking some one, or watching the effect +of his conduct on Mrs. Temperley.</p> + +<p>Could he be trying to make her jealous of Valeria?</p> + +<p>Hadria gave a sudden little laugh while Lord Engleton—a shy, rather +taciturn man—was shewing her his wife’s last picture. Hadria had to +explain the apparent discourtesy as best she could.</p> + +<p>The picture was of English meadows at sunset.</p> + +<p>“They are the meadows you see from your windows,” said Lord Engleton. +“That village is Masham, with the spire shewing through the trees. I +daresay you know the view pretty well.”</p> + +<p>“I doubt,” she answered, with the instinct of extravagance that annoyed +Hubert, “I doubt if I know anything else.”</p> + +<p>Lord Engleton brought a portfolio full of sketches for her to see.</p> + +<p>“Lady Engleton has been busy.”</p> + +<p>As Hadria laid down the last sketch, her eyes wandered round the +softly-lighted, dimly beautiful room, and suddenly she was seized with a +swift, reasonless, overpowering sense of happiness that she felt to be +atmospheric and parenthetical in character, but all the more keen for +that reason, while it lasted. The second black inexorable semicircle was +ready to enclose the little moment, but its contents had the condensed +character of that which stands within limits, and reminded her, with a +little sting, as of spur to horse, of her sharp, terrible aptitude for +delight and her hunger for it. Why not, why not? What pinched, +ungenerous philosophy was it that insisted on voluntary starvation? One +saw its offspring in the troops of thin white souls that hurry, like +ghosts, down the avenues of Life.</p> + +<p>Again Professor Theobald’s stealthy glance was directed towards Mrs. +Temperley.</p> + +<p>“He is as determined to analyse me as if I were a chemical compound,” +she said to herself.</p> + +<p>“Perhaps we may as well join the group,” suggested Lord Engleton.</p> + +<p>It opened to admit the new comers, disclosing Miss Du Prel, in a gown of +pale amber brocade, enthroned upon a straight-backed antique sofa. The +exquisiteness of the surroundings which Lady Engleton had a peculiar +gift in arranging, the mellow candle-light, the flowers and colours, +seem to have satisfied in Valeria an inborn love of splendour that often +opened hungry and unsatisfied jaws.</p> + +<p>She had never looked so brilliant or so handsome.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald’s face cleared. He explained to Mrs. Temperley that +they had been discussing the complexity of human character, and had come +to the conclusion that it was impossible to really understand even the +simplest man or woman alive. Professor Theobald said that it was a +dispensation of Providence which intended the human race for social +life. Lady Engleton upbraided the author of the cynical utterance.</p> + +<p>“Which of us can dare to face his own basest self?” the culprit +demanded. “If any one is so bold, I fear I must accuse him (or even her) +of lack of self-knowledge rather than give praise for spotlessness.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, I don’t believe all these dreadful things about my fellows!” cried +Miss Du Prel, flinging up her fine head defiantly; “one is likely to +find in them more or less what one expects. It’s the same everywhere. If +you go seeking mole-hills and worms, and put nose to ground on the scent +for carrion, you will find them all, with the range of snow-capped Alps +in full view, and the infinite of blue above your blind head!”</p> + +<p>Hadria, in justice, could not refuse to acknowledge that Professor +Theobald was open-minded.</p> + +<p>“True,” he said, “it is dangerous to seek for evil, unless you naturally +love it, and then——”</p> + +<p>“You are past praying for,” said Professor Fortescue.</p> + +<p>“Or at least you never pray,” added Hadria.</p> + +<p>Both Professors looked at her, each with an expression of enquiry. It +was difficult to understand from exactly what sources of experience or +intuition the singular remark could have sprung.</p> + +<p>The conversation took a slight swerve.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald contended that all our fond distinctions of vice and +virtue, right and wrong, were mere praise and blame of conditions and +events.</p> + +<p>“We like to fancy the qualities of character inherent, while really they +are laid on by slow degrees, like paint, and we name our acquaintance by +the colour of his last coat.”</p> + +<p>This view offended Miss Du Prel. Joseph Fleming and Lord Engleton +rallied round her. Hubert Temperley joined them. Man, the sublime, the +summit of the creation, the end and object of the long and painful +processes of nature; sin-spotted perhaps, weak and stumbling, but still +the masterpiece of the centuries—was this great and mysterious creature +to be thought of irreverently as a mere plain surface for <em>paint</em>? Only +consider it! Professor Theobald’s head went down between his shoulders +as he laughed.</p> + +<p>“The sublime creature would not look well <em>un</em>painted, believe me.”</p> + +<p>“He dare not appear in that plight even to himself, if Theobald be right +in what he stated just now,” said Professor Fortescue.</p> + +<p>“Life to a character is like varnish to wood,” asserted Miss Du Prel; +“it brings out the grain.”</p> + +<p>“Ah!” cried Professor Theobald, “Then <em>you</em> insist on varnish, I on +paint.”</p> + +<p>“There is a difference.”</p> + +<p>“And it affects your respective views throughout,” added Professor +Fortescue, “for if the paint theory be correct, then it is true that to +know one’s fellows is impossible, you can only know the upper coat; +whereas if the truth lies in varnish, the substance of the nature is +revealed to you frankly, if you have eyes to trace the delicacies of the +markings, which tell the secrets of sap and fibre, of impetus and check: +all the inner marvels of life and growth that go forward in that most +botanic thing, the human soul.”</p> + +<p>“Professor Fortescue is eloquent, but he makes one feel distressingly +vegetable,” said Temperley.</p> + +<p>“Oh! not unless one has a human soul,” Lady Engleton reassured him.</p> + +<p>“Am I to understand that you would deprive me of mine?” he asked, with a +courtly bow.</p> + +<p>“Not at all; souls are private property, or ought to be.”</p> + +<p>“I wish one could persuade the majority of that!” cried Professor +Fortescue.</p> + +<p>“Impossible,” said Theobald. “The chief interest of man is the condition +of his neighbour’s soul.”</p> + +<p>“Could he not be induced to look after his own?” Hadria demanded.</p> + +<p>“All fun would be over,” said Professor Fortescue.</p> + +<p>“I wish one could have an Act of Parliament, obliging every man to leave +his neighbour’s soul in peace.”</p> + +<p>“You would sap the very source of human happiness and enterprise,” +Professor Fortescue asserted, fantastically.</p> + +<p>“I should be glad if I could think the average human being had the +energy to look after <em>any</em> business; even other people’s!” cried Lady +Engleton.</p> + +<p>“I believe that, as a matter of fact, the soul is a hibernating +creature,” said Theobald, with a chuckle.</p> + +<p>“It certainly has its drowsy winters,” observed Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Ah! but its spring awakenings!” cried Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>The chime of a clock startled them with its accusation of lingering too +long. The hostess remonstrated at the breaking up the party. Why should +they hurry away?</p> + +<p>“The time when we could lay claim to have ‘hurried’ has long since +passed, Lady Engleton,” said Hubert, “we can only plead forgiveness by +blaming you for making us too happy.”</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald went to the window. “What splendid moonlight! Lady +Engleton, don’t you feel tempted to walk with your guests to the end of +the avenue?”</p> + +<p>The idea was eagerly adopted, and the whole party sallied forth together +into the brilliant night. Long black shadows of their forms stalked on +before them, as if, said Valeria, they were messengers from Hades come +to conduct each his victim to the abode of the shades.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald shuddered.</p> + +<p>“I hate that dreadful chill idea of the Greeks. I have much too strong a +hold on this pleasant earth to relish the notion of that gloomy +under-world yet a while. What do you say, Mrs. Temperley?”</p> + +<p>She made some intentionally trite answer.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald’s quick eyes discovered a glow-worm, and he shouted +to the ladies to come and see the little green lantern of the spring. +The mysterious light was bright enough to irradiate the blades of grass +around it, and even to cast a wizard-like gleam on the strange face of +the Professor as he bent down close to the ground.</p> + +<p>“Fancy being a lamp to oneself!” cried Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“It’s as much as most of us can do to be a lamp to others,” commented +Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Some one has compared the glow-worm’s light to Hero’s, when she waited, +with trimmed lamp, for her Leander,” said Professor Theobald. “Look +here, Mr. Fleming, if you stoop down just here, you will be able to see +the little animal.” The Professor resigned his place to him. When Joseph +rose from his somewhat indifferent survey of the insect, Professor +Theobald had established himself at Mrs. Temperley’s right hand, and the +rest of the party were left behind.</p> + +<p>“Talking of Greek ideas,” said the Professor, “that wonderful people +perceived more clearly than we Christians have ever done, with all our +science, the natural forces of Nature. What we call superstitions were +really great scientific intuitions or prophecies. Of course I should not +dare to speak in this frank fashion to the good people of Craddock Dene, +but to <em>you</em> I need not be on my guard.”</p> + +<p>“I appreciate your confidence.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, now, Mrs. Temperley, you are unkind. It is of no use for you to try +to persuade me that you are <em>of</em> as well as in the village of Craddock +Dene.”</p> + +<p>“I have never set out upon that task.”</p> + +<p>“Again I offend!”</p> + +<p>Hadria, dropping the subject, enquired whether the Professor was well +acquainted with this part of the country.</p> + +<p>He knew it by heart. A charming country; warm, luxuriant, picturesque, +the pick of England to his mind. What could beat its woodlands, its +hills, its relics of the old world, its barns and churches and smiling +villages?</p> + +<p>“Then it is not only Tudor mansions that attract you?” Hadria could not +resist asking.</p> + +<p>Tudor mansions? There was no cottage so humble, provided it were +picturesque, that did not charm him.</p> + +<p>“Really!” exclaimed Hadria, with a faintly emphasized surprise.</p> + +<p>“Have I put my luckless foot into it again?”</p> + +<p>“May I not be impressed by magnanimity?”</p> + +<p>The Professor’s mouth shut sharply.</p> + +<p>“Mrs. Temperley is pleased to deride me. Craddock Dene must shrivel +under destroying blasts like these.”</p> + +<p>“Not so much as one might think.”</p> + +<p>The sound of their steps on the broad avenue smote sharply on their +ears. Their absurd-looking shadows stretched always in front of them. “A +splendid night,” Hadria observed, to break the silence.</p> + +<p>“Glorious!” returned her companion, as if waking from thought.</p> + +<p>“Spring is our best season here, the time of blossoming.”</p> + +<p>“I am horribly tempted to take root in the lovely district, in the hope +of also blossoming. Can you imagine me a sort of patriarchal apple-tree +laden with snowy blooms?”</p> + +<p>“You somewhat burden my imagination.”</p> + +<p>“I have had to work hard all my life, until an unexpected legacy from an +admirable distant relation put me at the end of a longer tether. I still +have to work, but less hard. I have always tried not to ossify, keeping +in view a possible serene time to come, when I might put forth blossoms +in this vernal fashion that tempts my middle-aged fancy. And where could +I choose a sweeter spot for these late efforts to be young and green, +than here in this perfect south of England home?”</p> + +<p>“It seems large,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald grinned. “You don’t appear to take a keen interest in +my blossoming.”</p> + +<p>Why in heaven’s name <em>should</em> she?</p> + +<p>“I cannot naturally expect it,” Professor Theobald continued, reading +her silence aright, “but I should be really obliged by your counsel on +this matter. You know the village; you know from your own experience +whether it is a place to live in always. Advise me, I beg.”</p> + +<p>“Really, Professor Theobald, it is impossible for me to advise you in a +matter so entirely depending on your own taste and your own affairs.”</p> + +<p>“You can at least tell me how you like the district yourself; whether it +satisfies you as to society, easy access of town, influence on the mind +and the spirits, and so forth.”</p> + +<p>“We are considered well off as to society. There are a good many +neighbours within a radius of five miles; the trains to town are not all +that could be wished. There are only two in the day worth calling such.”</p> + +<p>“And as to its effect upon the general aspect of life; is it rousing, +cheering, inspiring, invigorating?”</p> + +<p>Hadria gave a little laugh. “I must refer you to other inhabitants on +this point. I think Lady Engleton finds it fairly inspiring.”</p> + +<p>“Lady Engleton is not Mrs. Temperley.”</p> + +<p>“I doubt not that same speech has already done duty as a compliment to +Lady Engleton.”</p> + +<p>“You are incorrigible!”</p> + +<p>“I wish you would make it when she is present,” said Hadria, “and see us +both bow!” The Professor laughed delightedly.</p> + +<p>“I don’t know what social treasures may be buried within your radius of +five miles, but the mines need not be worked. An inhabitant of the +Priory would not need them. Mrs. Temperley is a society in herself.”</p> + +<p>“An inhabitant of the Priory might risk disappointment, in supposing +that Mrs. Temperley had nothing else to do than to supply her neighbours +with society.”</p> + +<p>The big jaw closed, with a snap.</p> + +<p>“I don’t think, on the whole, that I will take the Priory,” he said, +after a considerable pause; “it is, as you say, large.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley made no comment.</p> + +<p>“I suppose I should be an unwelcome neighbour,” he said, with a sigh.</p> + +<p>“I fear any polite assurance, after such a challenge, would be a poor +compliment. As for entreating you to take the Priory, I really do not +feel equal to the responsibility.”</p> + +<p>“I accept in all humility,” said the Professor, as he opened the gate of +the Red House, “a deserved reproof.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVI" id="CHAPTER_XXVI"></a>CHAPTER XXVI.</h2> + + +<p><span class="dropcap">“A</span> SINGULAR character!” said Professor Theobald.</p> + +<p>“There is a lot of good in her,” Lady Engleton asserted.</p> + +<p>Lord Engleton observed that people were always speaking ill of Mrs. +Temperley, but he never could see that she was worse than her +neighbours. She was cleverer; that might be her offence.</p> + +<p>Madame Bertaux observed in her short, decisive way that Craddock Dene +might have settled down with Mrs. Temperley peaceably enough, if it +hadn’t been for her action about the schoolmistress’s child.</p> + +<p>“Yes; that has offended everybody,” said Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“What action was that?” asked Theobald, turning slowly towards his +hostess.</p> + +<p>“Oh, haven’t you heard? That really speaks well for this house. You +can’t accuse us of gossip.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton related the incident. “By the way, you must remember that +poor woman, Professor. Don’t you know you were here at the school-feast +that we gave one summer in the park, when all the children came and had +tea and games, and you helped us so amiably to look after them?”</p> + +<p>The Professor remembered the occasion perfectly.</p> + +<p>“And don’t you recollect a very pretty, rather timid, fair-haired woman +who brought the children? We all used to admire her. She was a +particularly graceful, refined-looking creature. She had read a great +deal and was quite cultivated. I often used to think she must feel very +solitary at Craddock, with not a soul to sympathize with her tastes. +Mr. and Mrs. Walker used to preach to her, poor soul, reproving her love +of reading, which took her thoughts away from her duties and her +sphere.”</p> + +<p>Madame Bertaux snorted significantly. Lady Engleton had remarked a +strange, sad look in Ellen Jervis’s eyes, and owned to having done her +best to circumvent the respected pastor and his wife, by lending her +books occasionally, and encouraging her to think her own thoughts, and +get what happiness she could out of her communings with larger spirits +than she was likely to find in Craddock. Of course Mrs. Walker now gave +Lady Engleton to understand that she was partly responsible for the poor +woman’s misfortune. She attributed it to Ellen’s having had “all sorts +of ideas in her head!”</p> + +<p>“I admit that if <em>not</em> having all sorts of ideas in one’s head is a +safeguard, the unimpeachable virtue of a district is amply accounted +for.”</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald chuckled. He enquired if Lady Engleton knew Mrs. +Temperley’s motive in adopting the child.</p> + +<p>“Oh, partly real kindness; but I think, between ourselves, that Mrs. +Temperley likes to be a little eccentric. Most people have the instinct +to go with the crowd. Hadria Temperley has the opposite fault. She loves +to run counter to it, even when it is pursuing a harmless course.”</p> + +<p>Some weeks had now passed since the arrival of the two Professors. The +meetings in the Priory garden had been frequent. They had affected for +the better Professor Theobald’s manner. Valeria’s laws had curbed the +worst side of him, or prevented it from shewing itself so freely. He +felt the atmosphere of the little society, and acknowledged that it was +“taming the savage beast.” As for his intellect it took to blazing, as +if, he said, without false modesty, a torch had been placed in pure +oxygen.</p> + +<p>“My brain takes fire here and flames. I should make a very creditable +beacon if the burning of brains and the burning of faggots were only of +equal value.”</p> + +<p>The little feud between him and Mrs. Temperley had been patched up. She +felt that she had been rude to him, on one occasion at any rate, and +desired to make amends. He had become more cautious in his conduct +towards her.</p> + +<p>During this period of the Renaissance, as Hadria afterwards called the +short-lived epoch, little Martha was visited frequently. Her protectress +had expected to have to do battle with hereditary weakness on account of +her mother’s sufferings, but the child shewed no signs of this. Either +the common belief that mental trouble in the mother is reflected in the +child, was unfounded, or the evil could be overcome by the simple +beneficence of pure air, good food, and warm clothing.</p> + +<p>Hadria had begun to feel a more personal interest in her charge. She had +taken it under her care of her own choice, without the pressure of any +social law or sentiment, and in these circumstances of freedom, its +helplessness appealed to her protective instincts. She felt the +relationship to be a true one, in contradistinction to the more usual +form of protectorate of woman to child.</p> + +<p>“There is nothing in it that gives offence to one’s dignity as a human +being,” she asserted, “which is more than can be said of the ordinary +relation, especially if it be legal.”</p> + +<p>She was issuing from little Martha’s cottage on one splendid morning, +when she saw Professor Theobald coming up the road from Craddock Dene. +He caught sight of Hadria, hesitated, coloured, glanced furtively up the +road, and then, seeing he was observed, came forward, raising his cap.</p> + +<p>“You can’t imagine what a charming picture you make; the English cottage +creeper-covered and smiling; the nurse and child at the threshold +equally smiling, yourself a very emblem of spring in your fresh gown, +and a domestic tabby to complete the scene.”</p> + +<p>“I wish I could come and see it,” said Hadria. She was waving a twig of +lavender, and little Martha was making grabs at it, and laughing her +gurgling laugh of babyish glee. Professor Theobald stood in the road +facing up hill towards Craddock, whose church tower was visible from +here, just peeping through the spring foliage of the vicarage garden. He +only now and again looked round at the picture that he professed to +admire.</p> + +<p>“Do you want to see a really pretty child, Professor Theobald? Because +if so, come here.”</p> + +<p>He hesitated, and a wave of dark colour flooded his face up to the roots +of his close-clipped hair.</p> + +<p>He paused a moment, and then bent down to open the little gate. His +stalwart figure, in the diminutive enclosure, reduced it to the +appearance of a doll’s garden.</p> + +<p>“Step carefully or you will crush the young <em>ménage</em>,” Hadria advised. +The rosy-cheeked nurse looked with proud expectancy at the face of the +strange gentleman, to note the admiration that he could not but feel.</p> + +<p>His lips were set.</p> + +<p>The Professor evidently knew his duty and proceeded to admire with due +energy. Little Martha shrank away a little from the bearded face, and +her lower lip worked threateningly, but the perilous moment was staved +over by means of the Professor’s watch, hastily claimed by Hannah, who +dispensed with ceremony in the emergency.</p> + +<p>Martha’s eyes opened wide, and the little hands came out to grasp the +treasure. Hadria stood and laughed at the sight of the gigantic +Professor, helplessly tethered by his own chain to the imperious baby, +in whose fingers the watch was tightly clasped. The child was in high +delight at the loquacious new toy—so superior to foolish fluffy rabbits +that could not tick to save their skins. Martha had no notion of +relinquishing her hold, so they need not tug in that feeble way; if they +pulled too hard, she would yell!</p> + +<p>She evidently meant business, said her captive. So long as they left her +the watch, they might do as they pleased; she was perfectly indifferent +to the accidental human accompaniments of the new treasure, but on that +one point she was firm. She proceeded to stuff the watch into her mouth +as far as it would go. The Professor was dismayed.</p> + +<p>“It’s all right,” Hadria reassured him. “You have hold of the chain.”</p> + +<p>“Did you entice me into this truly ridiculous position in order to laugh +at me?” enquired the prisoner.</p> + +<p>“I would not laugh at you for the world.”</p> + +<p>“Really this young person has the most astonishing grip! How long does +her fancy generally remain faithful to a new toy?”</p> + +<p>“Well—I hope you are not pressed for time,” said Hadria maliciously.</p> + +<p>The Professor groaned, and struggled in the toils.</p> + +<p>“Come, little one, open the fingers. Oh no, no, we mustn’t cry.” Martha +kept her features ready for that purpose at a moment’s notice, should +any nonsense be attempted.</p> + +<p>The victim looked round miserably.</p> + +<p>“Is there nothing that will set me free from these tender moorings?”</p> + +<p>Hadria shook her head and laughed. “You are chained by the most +inflexible of all chains,” she said: “your own compunction.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, you little tyrant!” exclaimed the Professor, shaking his fist in +the baby’s face, at which she laughed a taunting and triumphant laugh. +Then, once more, the object of dispute went into her mouth. Martha +gurgled with joy.</p> + +<p>“What <em>am</em> I to do?” cried her victim helplessly.</p> + +<p>“Nothing. She has you securely because you fear to hurt her.”</p> + +<p>“Little imp! Come now, let me go please. Oh, <em>please</em>, Miss Baby—your +Majesty: will nothing soften you? She is beginning early to take +advantage of the chivalry of the stronger sex, and I doubt not she will +know how to pursue her opportunity later on.”</p> + +<p>“Oh! is <em>that</em> your parable? Into my head came quite a different +one—<em>à propos</em> of what we were talking of yesterday in Griffin-land.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, the eternal feminine!” cried the Professor. “Yes, you were very +brilliant, Mrs. Temperley.”</p> + +<p>“You now stand for an excellent type of woman, Professor: strong, but +chained.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, thank you! (Infant, I implore!)”</p> + +<p>“The baby ably impersonates Society with all its sentiments and laws, +written and unwritten.”</p> + +<p>“Ah!—and my impounded property?”</p> + +<p>“Woman’s life and freedom.”</p> + +<p>“Ingenious! And the chain? (Oh, inexorable babe, have mercy on the +sufferings of imprisoned vigour!)”</p> + +<p>“Her affections, her pity, her compunction, which forbid her to wrench +away her rightful property, because ignorant and tender hands are +grasping it. The analogy is a little mixed, but no matter.”</p> + +<p>“I should enjoy the intellectual treat that is spread before me better, +in happier circumstances, Mrs. Temperley.”</p> + +<p>“Apply your remark to your prototype—intelligently,” she added.</p> + +<p>“My intelligence is rapidly waning; I am benumbed. I fail to follow the +intricacies of analogy, in this constrained position.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, so does she!”</p> + +<p>“Oh, pitiless cherub, my muscles ache with this monotony.”</p> + +<p>“And hers,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Come, come, life is passing; I have but one; relax these fetters, or I +die.”</p> + +<p>Martha frowned and fretted. She even looked shocked, according to +Hadria, who stood by laughing. The baby, she pointed out, failed to +understand how her captive could so far forget himself as to desire to +regain his liberty.</p> + +<p>“She reminds you, sternly, that this is your proper sphere.”</p> + +<p>“Perdition!” he exclaimed.</p> + +<p>“As a general rule,” she assented.</p> + +<p>The Professor laughed, and said he was tired of being a Type.</p> + +<p>At length a little gentle force had to be used, in spite of furious +resentment on the part of the baby. A more injured and ill-treated +mortal could not have been imagined. She set up a heaven-piercing wail, +evidently overcome with indignation and surprise at the cruel treatment +that she had received. What horrid selfishness to take oneself and one’s +property away, when an engaging innocent enjoys grasping it and stuffing +it into its mouth!</p> + +<p>“Don’t you feel a guilty monster?” Hadria enquired, as the lament of the +offended infant followed them up the road.</p> + +<p>“I feel as if I were slinking off after a murder!” he exclaimed +ruefully. “I wonder if we oughtn’t to go back and try again to soothe +the child.” He paused irresolutely.</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed. “You <em>do</em> make a lovely allegory!” she exclaimed. “This +sense of guilt, this disposition to go back—this attitude of +apology—it is speaking, inimitable!”</p> + +<p>“But meanwhile that wretched child is shrieking itself into a fit!” +cried the allegory, with the air of a repentant criminal.</p> + +<p>“Whenever you open your mouth, out falls a symbol,” exclaimed Hadria. +“Be calm; Hannah will soon comfort her, and it is truer kindness not to +remind her again of her grievance, poor little soul. But we will go back +if you like (you are indeed a true woman!), and you can say you are +sorry you made so free with your own possessions, and you wish you had +done your duty better, and are eager to return and let Her Majesty hold +you captive. Your prototype always does, you know, and she is nearly +always pardoned, on condition that she never does anything of that kind +again.”</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald seemed too much concerned about the child, who was +still wailing, to pay much attention to any other topic. He turned to +retrace his steps.</p> + +<p>“I think you make a mistake,” said Hadria. “As soon as she sees you she +will want the watch, and then you will be placed between the awful +alternatives of voluntarily surrendering your freedom, and heartlessly +refusing to present yourself to her as a big plaything. In one respect +you have not yet achieved a thorough fidelity to your model; you don’t +seem to enjoy sacrifice for its own sake. That will come with practice.”</p> + +<p>“I wish that child would leave off crying.”</p> + +<p>Hadria stopped in the road to laugh at the perturbed Professor.</p> + +<p>“She will presently. That is only a cry of anger, not of distress. I +would not leave her, if it were. Yes; your vocation is clearly +allegorical. Feminine to your finger-tips, in this truly feminine +predicament. We are all—<em>nous autres femmes</em>—like the hero of the +<em>White Ship</em>, who is described by some delightful boy in an examination +paper as being ‘melted by the shrieks of a near relation.’”</p> + +<p>The Professor stumbled over a stone in the road, and looked back at it +vindictively.</p> + +<p>“The near relation does so want to hold one’s watch and to stuff it into +his mouth, and he shrieks so movingly if one brutally removes one’s +property and person!”</p> + +<p>“Alas! I am still a little bewildered by my late captivity. I can’t see +the bearings of things.”</p> + +<p>“As allegory, you are as perfect as ever.”</p> + +<p>“I seem to be a sort of involuntary <em>Pilgrim’s Progress</em>!” he exclaimed.</p> + +<p>“Ah, indeed!” cried Hadria, “and how the symbolism of that old allegory +would fit this subject!”</p> + +<p>“With me for wretched hero, I suppose!”</p> + +<p>“Your archetype;—with a little adaptation—yes, and wonderfully +little—the Slough of Despond, Doubting Castle, the Valley of the Shadow +of Death—they all fall into place. Ah! the modern <em>Pilgrim’s Progress</em> +would read strangely and significantly with woman as the pilgrim! But +the end—that would be a difficulty.”</p> + +<p>“One for your sex to solve,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>When they arrived at the cottage the wails were dying away, and Hadria +advised that they should leave well alone. So the baby’s victim somewhat +reluctantly retired.</p> + +<p>“After all, you see, if one has strength of purpose, one <em>can</em> achieve +freedom,” he observed.</p> + +<p>“At the expense of the affections, it would seem,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>The walk was pursued towards Craddock. Hadria said she had to ask Dodge, +the old gravedigger, if he could give a few days’ work in the garden at +the Red House.</p> + +<p>The Professor was walking for walking’s sake.</p> + +<p>“She is a pretty child, isn’t she?” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Very; an attractive mite; but she has a will of her own.”</p> + +<p>“Yes; I confess I have a moment of exultation when that child sets up +one of her passionate screams—the thrilling shriek of a near relation!”</p> + +<p>“Really, why?”</p> + +<p>“She has to make her way in the world. She must not be too meek. Her +mother was a victim to the general selfishness and stupidity. She was +too gentle and obedient; too apt to defer to others, to be able to +protect herself. I want her child to be strengthened for the battle by a +good long draught of happiness, and to be armed with that stoutest of +all weapons—perfect health.”</p> + +<p>“You are very wise, Mrs. Temperley,” murmured the Professor.</p> + +<p>“<em>Mon Dieu!</em> if one had always to judge for others and never for +oneself, what Solons we should all be!”</p> + +<p>“I hear that you have taken the child under your protection. She may +think herself fortunate. It is an act of real charity.”</p> + +<p>Hadria winced. “I fear not. I have grown very much attached to Martha +now, poor little soul; but when I decided to adopt her, I was in a state +of red-hot fury.”</p> + +<p>“Against whom, may I ask?”</p> + +<p>“Against the child’s father,” Hadria replied shortly.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVII" id="CHAPTER_XXVII"></a>CHAPTER XXVII.</h2> + + +<p><span class="dropcap">“Y</span>ES, mum, I see un go up to the churchyard. He’s tidyin’ up the place a +bit for the weddin’.”</p> + +<p>“The wedding?” repeated Hadria vaguely. Mrs. Gullick looked at her as at +one whose claims to complete possession of the faculties there seems sad +reason to doubt.</p> + +<p>“Oh, Miss Jordan’s, yes. When is it?”</p> + +<p>“Why, it’s this mornin’, ma’am!” cried Mrs. Gullick.</p> + +<p>“Dear me, of course. I <em>thought</em> the village looked rather excited.”</p> + +<p>People were all standing at their doors, and the children had gathered +at the gate of the church, with hands full of flowers. The wedding party +was, it appeared, to arrive almost immediately. The children set up a +shout as the first carriage was heard coming up the hill.</p> + +<p>The bride appeared to be a popular character in Craddock. “Dear, dear, +she will be missed, she will, she was a real lady, she was; did her duty +too to rich <em>and</em> poor.”</p> + +<p>The Professor asked his companion if she remarked that the amiable lady +was spoken of universally in the past tense, as some one who had passed +from the light of day.</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed. “Whenever I am in a cynical mood I come to Craddock and +talk to the villagers.”</p> + +<p>Dodge was found resting on a broom-handle, with a flower in his +button-hole. Marion Jordan had supplied him with port wine when he was +“took bad” in the winter. Dodge found it of excellent quality. He +approved of the institution of landed property, and had a genuine regard +for the fair-haired, sweet-voiced girl who used to come in her pony-cart +to distribute her bounty to the villagers. Her class in the +Sunday-school, as he remarked, was always the best behaved.</p> + +<p>The new schoolmistress, a sour and uncompromising looking person, had +issued from her cottage in her Sunday best to see the ceremony.</p> + +<p>“That’s where little Martha’s mother used to live,” said Hadria, “and +that is where she died.”</p> + +<p>“Indeed, yes. I think Mr. Walker pointed it out to me.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! of course, and then you know the village of old.”</p> + +<p>“’Ere they comes!” announced a chorus of children’s voices, as the first +carriage drove up. The excitement was breathless. The occupants alighted +and made their way to the church. After that, the carriages came in +fairly quick succession. The bridegroom was criticised freely by the +crowd. They did not think him worthy of his bride. “They du say as it +was a made up thing,” Dodge observed, “and that it wasn’t <em>’im</em> as she’d +like to go up to the altar with.”</p> + +<p>“Well, <em>I</em> don’t sort o’ take to ’im neither,” Mrs. Gullick observed, +sympathizing with the bride’s feeling. “I do hope he’ll be kind to the +pore young thing; that I do.”</p> + +<p>“She wouldn’t never give it ’im back; she’s that good,” another woman +remarked.</p> + +<p>“Who’s the gentleman as she had set her heart on?” a romantic young +woman enquired.</p> + +<p>“Oh, it’s only wot they say,” said Dodge judicially; “it’s no use a +listening to all one hears—not by a long way.”</p> + +<p>“You ’ad it from Lord Engleton’s coachman, didn’t you?” prompted Mrs. +Gullick.</p> + +<p>“Which he heard it said by the gardener at Mr. Jordan’s, as Miss Marion +was always about with Mr. Fleming.”</p> + +<p>The murmur of interest at this announcement was drowned by the sound of +carriage wheels. The bride had come.</p> + +<p>“See the ideal and ethereal being whom you have been so faithfully +impersonating all the afternoon!” exclaimed Hadria.</p> + +<p>A fair, faint, admirably gentle creature, floating in a mist of tulle, +was wafted out of the brougham, the spring sunshine burnishing the pale +hair, and flashing a dazzling sword-like glance on the string of +diamonds at her throat.</p> + +<p>It seemed too emphatic, too keen a greeting for the faint ambiguous +being, about to put the teaching of her girlhood, and her pretty hopes +and faiths, to the test.</p> + +<p>She gave a start and shiver as she stepped out into the brilliant day, +turning with a half-scared look to the crowd of faces. It seemed almost +as if she were seeking help in a blind, bewildered fashion.</p> + +<p>Hadria had an impulse. “What would she think if I were to run down those +steps and drag her away?” Professor Theobald shook his head.</p> + +<p>Within the church, the procession moved up the aisle, to the sound of +the organ. Hadria compared the whole ceremony to some savage rite of +sacrifice: priest and people with the victim, chosen for her fairness, +decked as is meet for victims.</p> + +<p>“But she may be happy,” Lady Engleton suggested when the ceremony was +over, and the organ was pealing out the wedding march.</p> + +<p>“That does not prevent the analogy. What a magnificent hideous thing the +marriage-service is! and how exactly it expresses the extraordinary +mixture of the noble and the brutal that is characteristic of our +notions about these things!”</p> + +<p>“The bride is certainly allowed to remain under no misapprehension as to +her function,” Lady Engleton admitted, with a laugh that grated on +Hadria. Professor Theobald had fallen behind with Joseph Fleming, who +had turned up among the crowd.</p> + +<p>“But, after all, why mince matters?”</p> + +<p>“Why indeed?” said Hadria. Lady Engleton seemed to have expected +dissent.</p> + +<p>“I think,” she said, “that we are getting too squeamish nowadays as to +speech. Women are so frightened to call a spade a spade.”</p> + +<p>“It is the <em>spade</em> that is ugly, not the name.”</p> + +<p>“But, my dear?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, it is not a question of squeamishness, it is the insult of the +thing. One insult after another, and everyone stands round, looking +respectable.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton laughed and said something to lead her companion on.</p> + +<p>She liked to listen to Mrs. Temperley when she was thoroughly roused.</p> + +<p>“It is the hideous mixture of the delicately civilized with the brutally +savage that makes one sick. A frankly barbarous ceremony, where there +was no pretence of refinement and propriety and so forth, would be +infinitely less revolting.”</p> + +<p>“Which your language is plain,” observed Lady Engleton, much amused.</p> + +<p>“I hope so. Didn’t you see how it all hurt that poor girl? One of her +training too—suspended in mid air—not an earthward glance. You know +Mrs. Jordan’s views on the education of girls. Poor girls. They are +morally skinned, in such a way as to make contact with Fact a veritable +torture, and then suddenly they are sent forth defenceless into Life to +be literally curry-combed.”</p> + +<p>“They adjust themselves,” said Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Adjust themselves!” Hadria vindictively flicked off the head of a +dandelion with her parasol. “They awake to find they have been living in +a Fool’s Paradise—a little upholstered corner with stained glass +windows and rose-coloured light. They find that suddenly they are +expected to place in the centre of their life everything that up to that +moment they have scarcely been allowed even to know about; they find +that they must obediently veer round, with the amiable adaptability of a +well-oiled weather-cock. Every instinct, every prejudice must be thrown +over. All the effects of their training must be instantly overcome. And +all this with perfect subjection and cheerfulness, on pain of moral +avalanches and deluges, and heaven knows what convulsions of +conventional nature!”</p> + +<p>“There certainly is some curious incongruity in our training,” Lady +Engleton admitted.</p> + +<p>“Incongruity! Think what it means for a girl to have been taught to +connect the idea of something low and evil with that which nevertheless +is to lie at the foundation of all her after life. That is what it +amounts to, and people complain that women are not logical.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton laughed. “Fortunately things work better in practice than +might be expected, judging them in the abstract. How bashful Professor +Theobald seems suddenly to have become! Why doesn’t he join us, I +wonder? However, so much the better; I do like to hear you talk heresy.”</p> + +<p>“I do more than talk it, I <em>mean</em> it,” said Hadria. “I fail utterly to +get at the popular point of view.”</p> + +<p>“But you misrepresent it—there <em>are</em> modifying facts in the case.”</p> + +<p>“I don’t see them. Girls are told: ‘So and so is not a nice thing for +you to talk about. Wait, however, until the proper signal is given, and +then woe betide you if you don’t cheerfully accept it as your bounden +duty.’ If <em>that</em> does not enjoin abject slavishness and deliberate +immorality of the most cold-blooded kind, I simply don’t know what +does.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton seemed to ponder somewhat seriously, as she stood looking +down at the grave beside her.</p> + +<p>“How we ever came to have tied ourselves into such an extraordinary +mental knot is what bewilders me,” Hadria continued, “and still more, +why it is that we all, by common consent, go on acting and talking as if +the tangled skein ran smooth and straight through one’s fingers.”</p> + +<p>“Chiefly, perhaps, because women won’t speak out,” suggested Lady +Engleton.</p> + +<p>“They have been so drilled,” cried Hadria, “so gagged, so deafened, by +‘the shrieks of near relations.’”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton was asking for an explanation, when the wedding-bells +began to clang out from the belfry, merry and roughly rejoicing. +“Tom-boy bells,” Hadria called them. They seemed to tumble over one +another and pick themselves up again, and give chase, and roll over in a +heap, and then peal firmly out once more, laughing at their romping +digression, joyous and thoughtless and simple-hearted. “Evidently +without the least notion what they are celebrating,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>The bride came out of church on her husband’s arm. The children set up a +shout. Hadria and Lady Engleton, and, farther back, Professor Theobald +and Joseph Fleming, could see the two figures pass down to the carriage +and hear the carriage drive away. Hadria drew a long breath.</p> + +<p>“I am afraid she was in love with Joseph Fleming,” remarked Lady +Engleton. “I hoped at one time that he cared for her, but that Irish +friend of Marion’s, Katie O’Halloran, came on the scene and spoilt my +little romance.”</p> + +<p>“I wonder why she married this man? I wonder why the wind blows?” was +added in self-derision at the question.</p> + +<p>The rest of the party were now departing. “O sleek wedding guests,” +Hadria apostrophized them, “how solemnly they sat there, like +all-knowing sphinxes, watching, watching, and that child so +helpless—handcuffed, manacled! How many prayers will be offered at the +shrine of the goddess of Duty within the next twelve months!”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Jordan, a British matron of solid proportions, passed down the path +on the arm of a comparatively puny cavalier. The sight seemed to stir up +some demon in Hadria’s bosom. Fantastic, derisive were her comments on +that excellent lady’s most cherished principles, and on her well-known +and much-vaunted mode of training her large family of daughters.</p> + +<p>“Only the traditional ideas carried out by a woman of narrow mind and +strong will,” said Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Oh those traditional ideas! They might have issued fresh and hot from +an asylum for criminal lunatics.”</p> + +<p>“You are deliciously absurd, Hadria.”</p> + +<p>“It is the criminal lunatics who are absurd,” she retorted. “Do you +remember how those poor girls used to bewail the restrictions to their +reading?”</p> + +<p>“Yes, it was really a <em>reductio ad absurdum</em> of our system. The girls +seemed afraid to face anything. They would rather die than think. (I +wonder why Professor Theobald lingers so up there by the chancel? The +time must be getting on.)”</p> + +<p>Hadria glanced towards him and made no comment. She was thinking of Mrs. +Jordan’s daughters.</p> + +<p>“What became of their personality all that time I cannot imagine: their +woman’s nature that one hears so much about, and from which such +prodigious feats were to be looked for, in the future.”</p> + +<p>“Yes, <em>that</em> is where the inconsistency of a girl’s education strikes me +most,” said Lady Engleton. “If she were intended for the cloister one +could understand it. But since she is brought up for the express purpose +of being married, it does seem a little absurd not to prepare her a +little more for her future life.”</p> + +<p>“Exactly,” cried Hadria, “if the orthodox are really sincere in +declaring that life to be so sacred and desirable, why on earth don’t +they treat it frankly and reverently and teach their girls to understand +and respect it, instead of allowing a furtive, sneaky, detestable spirit +to hover over it?”</p> + +<p>“Yes, I agree with you there,” said Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“And if they <em>don’t</em> really in their hearts think it sacred and so on +(and how they <em>can</em>, under our present conditions, I fail to see), why +do they deliberately bring up their girls to be married, as they bring +up their sons to a profession? It is inconceivable, and yet good people +do it, without a suspicion of the real nature of their conduct, which it +wouldn’t be polite to describe.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Jordan—her face irradiated with satisfaction—was acknowledging +the plaudits of the villagers, who shouted more or less in proportion +to the eye-filling properties of the departing guests.</p> + +<p>Hadria was seized with a fit of laughter. It was an awkward fact, that +she never could see Mrs. Jordan’s majestic form and noble bonnet without +feeling the same overwhelming impulse to laugh.</p> + +<p>“This is disgraceful conduct!” cried Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>Hadria was clearly in one of her most reckless moods to-day.</p> + +<p>“You have led me on, and must take the consequences!” she cried. +“Imagine,” she continued with diabolical deliberation, “if Marion, on +any day <em>previous</em> to this, had gone to her mother and expressed an +overpowering maternal instinct—a deep desire to have a child!”</p> + +<p>“Good heavens!” exclaimed Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Why so shocked, since it is so holy?”</p> + +<p>“But that is different.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! then it is holy only when the social edict goes forth, and +proclaims the previous evil good and the previous good evil.”</p> + +<p>“Come, come; the inconsistency is not quite so bad as that. (How that +man does dawdle!)”</p> + +<p>Hadria shrugged her shoulders. “It seems to me so; for now suppose, on +the other hand, that this same Marion, on any day <em>subsequent</em> to this, +should go to that same mother, and announce an exactly opposite +feeling—a profound objection to the maternal function—how would she be +received? Heavens, with what pained looks, with what platitudes and +proverbs, with what reproofs and axioms and sentiments! She would issue +forth from that interview like another St. Sebastian, stuck all over +with wounds and arrows. ‘Sacred mission,’ ‘tenderest joy,’ ‘holiest +mission,’ ‘highest vocation’—one knows the mellifluous phrases.”</p> + +<p>“But after all she would be wrong in her objection. The instinct is a +true one,” said Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Oh, then why should she be pelted for expressing it previously, if the +question is not indiscreet?”</p> + +<p>“Well, it would seem rather gruesome, if girls were to be overpowered +with that passion.”</p> + +<p>“So we are all to be horribly shocked at the presence of an instinct +to-day, and then equally shocked and indignant at its absence to-morrow; +our sentiment being determined by the performance or otherwise of the +ceremony we have just witnessed. It really shows a touching confidence +in the swift adaptability of the woman’s sentimental organization!”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton gave an uneasy laugh, and seemed lost in uncomfortable +thought. She enjoyed playing with unorthodox speculations, but she +objected to have her customary feelings interfered with, by a reasoning +which she did not see her way to reduce to a condition of uncertainty. +She liked to leave a question delicately balanced, enjoying all the fun +of “advanced” thought without endangering her favourite sentiments. Like +many women of talent, she was intensely maternal, in the instinctive +sense; and for that reason had a vague desire to insist on all other +women being equally so; but the notion of the instinct becoming +importunate in a girl revolted her; a state of mind that struggled to +justify itself without conscious entrenchment behind mere tradition. +Lady Engleton sincerely tried to shake off prejudice.</p> + +<p>“You are in a mixed condition of feeling, I see,” Hadria said. “I am not +surprised. Our whole scheme of things indeed is so mixed, that the +wonder only is we are not all in a state of chronic lunacy. I believe, +as a matter of fact, that we <em>are</em>; but as we are all lunatics together, +there is no one left to put us into asylums.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton laughed.</p> + +<p>“The present age is truly a strange one,” she exclaimed.</p> + +<p>“Do you think so? It always seems to me that the present age is finding +out for the first time how very strange all the <em>other</em> ages have been.”</p> + +<p>“However that may be, it seems to me, that a sort of shiver is going +through all Society, as if it had suddenly become very much aware of +things and couldn’t make them out—nor itself.”</p> + +<p>“Like a creature beginning to struggle through a bad illness. I do think +it is all extremely remarkable, especially the bad illness.”</p> + +<p>“You are as strange as your epoch,” cried Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“It is a sorry sign when one remarks health instead of disease.”</p> + +<p>“Upon my word, you have a wholesome confidence in yourself!”</p> + +<p>“I do not, in that respect, differ from my kind,” Hadria returned +calmly.</p> + +<p>“It is that which <em>was</em> that seems to you astonishing, not that which is +to be,” Lady Engleton commented, pensively. “For my part I confess I am +frightened, almost terrified at times, at that which is to be.”</p> + +<p>“I am frightened, terrified, so that the thought becomes unbearable, at +that which <em>is</em>,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>There was a long silence. Lady Engleton appeared to be again plunged in +thought.</p> + +<p>“The maternal instinct—yes; it seems to be round that unacknowledged +centre that the whole storm is raging.”</p> + +<p>“A desperate question that Society shrinks from in terror: whether women +shall be expected to conduct themselves as if the instinct had been +weighed out accurately, like weekly stores, and given to all alike, or +whether choice and individual feeling is to be held lawful in this +matter—<em>there</em> is the red-hot heart of the battle.”</p> + +<p>“Remember men of science are against freedom in this respect. (I do wish +<em>our</em> man of science would make haste.)”</p> + +<p>“They rush to the rescue when they see the sentimental defences giving +way,” said Hadria. “If the ‘sacred privilege’ and ‘noblest vocation’ +safeguards won’t hold, science must throw up entrenchments.”</p> + +<p>“I prefer the more romantic and sentimental presentment of the matter,” +said Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Naturally. Ah! it is pathetic, the way we have tried to make things +decorative; but it won’t hold out much longer. Women are driving their +masters to plain speaking—the ornaments are being dragged down. And +what do we find? Bare and very ugly fact. And if we venture to hint that +this unsatisfactory skeleton may be modified in form, science becomes +stern. She wishes things, in this department, left as they are. Women +are made for purposes of reproduction; let them clearly understand that. +No picking and choosing.”</p> + +<p>“Men pick and choose, it is true,” observed Lady Engleton in a musing +tone, as if thinking aloud.</p> + +<p>“Ah, but that’s different—a real scientific argument, though a +superficial observer might not credit it. At any rate, it is quite +sufficiently scientific for this particular subject. Our leaders of +thought don’t bring out their Sunday-best logic on this question. They +lounge in dressing-gown and slippers. One gets to know the oriental +pattern of that dressing-gown and the worn-down heels of those old +slippers.”</p> + +<p>“They may be right though, notwithstanding their logic,” said Lady +Engleton.</p> + +<p>“By good luck, not good guidance. I wonder what her Serene Highness +Science would say if she heard us?”</p> + +<p>“That we two ignorant creatures are very presumptuous.”</p> + +<p>“Yes, people always fall back on that, when they can’t refute you.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton smiled.</p> + +<p>“I should like to hear the question discussed by really competent +persons. (Well, if luncheon is dead cold it will be his own fault.)”</p> + +<p>“Oh, really competent persons will tell us all about the possibilities +of woman: her feelings, desires, capabilities, and limitations, now and +for all time to come. And the wildly funny thing is that women are +ready, with open mouths, to reverently swallow this male verdict on +their inherent nature, as if it were gospel divinely inspired. I may +appear a little inconsistent,” Hadria added with a laugh, “but I do +think women are fools!”</p> + +<p>They had strolled on along the path till they came to the +schoolmistress’s grave, which was green and daisy-covered, as if many +years had passed since her burial. Hadria stood, for a moment, looking +down at it.</p> + +<p>“Fools, fools, unutterable, irredeemable fools!” she burst out.</p> + +<p>“My dear, my dear, we are in a churchyard,” remonstrated Lady Engleton, +half laughing.</p> + +<p>“We are at this grave,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“The poor woman would have been among the first to approve of the whole +scheme, though it places her here beneath the daisies.”</p> + +<p>“Exactly. Am I not justified then in crying ‘fool’? Don’t imagine that I +exclude myself,” she added.</p> + +<p>“I think you might be less liable to error if you <em>were</em> rather more of +a fool, if I may say so,” observed Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Oh error! I daresay. One can guard against that, after a fashion, by +never making a stretch after truth. And the reward comes, of its kind. +How green the grave is. The grass grows so fast on graves.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton could not bear a churchyard. It made one think too +seriously.</p> + +<p>“Oh, you needn’t unless you like!” said Hadria with a laugh. “Indeed a +churchyard might rather teach us what nonsense it is to take things +seriously—our little affairs. This poor woman, a short while ago, was +dying of grief and shame and agony, and the village was stirred with +excitement, as if the solar system had come to grief. It all seemed so +stupendous and important, yet now—look at that tall grass waving in the +wind!”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVIII" id="CHAPTER_XXVIII"></a>CHAPTER XXVIII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">PROFESSOR THEOBALD had been engaged, for the last ten minutes, in +instructing Joseph Fleming and a few stragglers, among whom was Dodge, +in the characteristics of ancient architecture. He was pointing out the +fine Norman window of the south transept, Joseph nodding wearily, Dodge +leaning judicially on his broom and listening with attention. Joseph, as +Lady Engleton remarked, was evidently bearing the Normans a bitter +grudge for making interesting arches. The Professor seemed to have no +notion of tempering the wind of his instruction to the shorn lambs of +his audience.</p> + +<p>“I <em>can’t</em> understand why he does not join us,” said Lady Engleton. “It +must be nearly luncheon time. However, it doesn’t much matter, as +everyone seems to be up here. I wonder,” she went on after a pause, +“what the bride would think if she had heard our conversation this +morning!”</p> + +<p>“Probably she would recognize many a half-thought of her own,” said +Hadria.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton shook her head.</p> + +<p>“They alarm me, all these ideas. For myself, I feel bound to accept the +decision of wise and good men, who have studied social questions +deeply.”</p> + +<p>Personal feeling had finally overcome her desire to fight off the +influence of tradition.</p> + +<p>“I do not feel competent to judge in a matter so complex, and must be +content to abide by the opinions of those who have knowledge and +experience.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton thus retreated hastily behind cover. That was a strategic +movement always available in difficulties, and it left one’s companion +in speculation alone in the open, arrogantly sustaining an eagle-gaze in +the sun’s face. The advantages of feminine humility were obvious. One +could come out for a skirmish and then run for shelter, in awkward +moments. No woman ought to venture out on the bare plain without a +provision of the kind.</p> + +<p>Hadria had a curious sensation of being so exposed, when Lady Engleton +retreated behind her “good and wise men,” and she had the usual feminine +sense of discomfort in the feeling of presumption that it produced. +Heredity asserted itself, as it will do, in the midst of the fray, just +when its victim seems to have shaken himself free from the mysterious +obsession. But Hadria did not visibly flinch. Lady Engleton received the +impression that Mrs. Temperley was too sure of her own judgment to defer +even to the wisest.</p> + +<p>She experienced a pleasant little glow of humility, wrapping herself in +it, as in a protecting garment, and unconsciously comparing her more +moderate and modest attitude favourably with her companion’s +self-confidence. Just at that moment, Hadria’s self-confidence was +gasping for breath. But her sense of the comic in her companion’s +tactics survived, and set her off in an apparently inconsequent laugh, +which goaded Lady Engleton into retreating further, to an encampment of +pure orthodoxy.</p> + +<p>“I fear there is an element of the morbid, in all this fretful revolt +against the old-established destiny of our sex,” she said.</p> + +<p>The advance-guard of Professor Theobald’s party was coming up. The +Professor himself still hung back, playing the Ancient Mariner to Joseph +Fleming’s Wedding Guest. Most unwilling was that guest, most +pertinacious that mariner.</p> + +<p>Hadria had turned to speak to Dodge, who had approached, broom in hand. +“Seems only yesterday as we was a diggin’ o’ that there grave, don’t it, +mum?” he remarked pleasantly, including Hadria in the credit of the +affair, with native generosity.</p> + +<p>“It does indeed, Dodge. I see you have been tidying it up and clearing +away the moss from the name. I can read it now. <em>Ellen +Jervis.—Requiescat in pace.</em>”</p> + +<p>“We was a wonderin’ wot that meant, me and my missus.”</p> + +<p>Hadria explained.</p> + +<p>“Oh indeed, mum. She didn’t die in peace, whatever she be a doin’ now, +not <em>she</em> didn’t, pore thing. I was jest a tellin’ the gentleman” (Dodge +indicated Professor Theobald with a backward movement of the thumb), +“about the schoolmarm. He was talkin’ like a sermon—beautiful—about +the times wen the church was built; and about them as come over from +France and beat the English—shameful thing for our soldiers, ’pears to +me, not as I believes all them tales. Mr. Walker says as learnin’ is a +pitfall, wich I don’t swaller everything as Mr. Walker says neither. +Seems to me as it don’t do to be always believin’ wot’s told yer, or +there’s no sayin’ wot sort o’ things you wouldn’t come to find inside o’ +yer, before you’d done.”</p> + +<p>Hadria admitted the danger of indiscriminate absorption, but pointed out +that if caution were carried too far, one might end by finding nothing +inside of one at all, which also threatened to be attended with +inconvenience.</p> + +<p>Dodge seemed to feel that the <em>désagréments</em> in this last case were +trivial as compared with those of the former.</p> + +<p>“Dodge is a born sceptic,” said Lady Engleton. “What would you say, +Dodge, if some tiresome, reasonable person were to come and point out +something to you that you couldn’t honestly deny, and yet that seemed to +upset all the ideas that you had felt were truest and best?”</p> + +<p>Dodge scratched his head. “I should say as what he said wasn’t true,” +replied Dodge.</p> + +<p>“But if you couldn’t help seeing that it was true?”</p> + +<p>“That ud be arkard,” Dodge admitted.</p> + +<p>“Then what would you do?”</p> + +<p>Dodge leant upon the broom-handle, apparently in profound thought. His +words were waited for.</p> + +<p>“I think,” he announced at last, “as I shouldn’t do nothin’ partic’lar.”</p> + +<p>“Dodge, you really are an oracle!” Hadria exclaimed. “What could more +simply describe the action of our Great Majority?”</p> + +<p>“You are positively impish in your mood to-day!” exclaimed Lady +Engleton. “What should we do without our Great Majority, as you call +it? It is absolutely necessary to put some curb on the wild impulses of +pure reason”—a sentiment that Hadria greeted with chuckles of derision.</p> + +<p>Joseph Fleming was looking longingly towards the grave, but his face was +resigned, for the Ancient Mariner had him button-holed securely.</p> + +<p>“What <em>are</em> they lingering for so long, I wonder?” cried Lady Engleton +impatiently. “Professor Theobald is really too instructive to-day. I +will go and hurry him.”</p> + +<p>Joseph welcomed her as his deliverer.</p> + +<p>“I was merely waiting for you two ladies to move; I would have come on +with Mr. Fleming. I am extremely sorry,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>He followed Lady Engleton down the path between the graves, with +something of the same set expression that had been on his face when he +came up the path of the cottage garden to admire the baby.</p> + +<p>“It appears that we were all waiting for each other,” said Lady +Engleton.</p> + +<p>“This ’ere’s the young woman’s grave, sir—Ellen Jervis—’er as I was a +tellin’ you of,” said Dodge, pointing an earth-stained finger at the +mound.</p> + +<p>“Oh, yes; very nice,” said the Professor vaguely. Hadria’s laugh +disconcerted him. “I mean—pretty spot—well chosen—well made.”</p> + +<p>Hadria continued to laugh. “I never heard less skilled comment on a +grave!” she exclaimed. “It might be a pagoda!”</p> + +<p>“It’s not so easy as you seem to imagine to find distinctive epithets. I +challenge you. Begin with the pagoda.”</p> + +<p>“One of the first canons of criticism is never to attempt the feat +yourself; jeer rather at others.”</p> + +<p>“The children don’t like the new schoolmarm near so well as this ’un,” +observed Dodge, touching the grave with his broom. “Lord, it was an +unfort’nate thing, for there wasn’t a better girl nor she were in all +Craddock (as I was a tellin’ of you, sir), not when she fust come as +pupil teacher. It was all along of her havin’ no friends, and her mother +far away. She used to say to me at times of an afternoon wen she was a +passin’ through the churchyard—‘Dodge,’ says she, ‘do you know I have +no one to care for, or to care for me, in all the world?’ I used to +comfort her like, and say as there was plenty in Craddock as cared for +her, but she always shook her head, sort o’ sad.”</p> + +<p>“Poor thing!” Lady Engleton exclaimed.</p> + +<p>“And one mornin’ a good time after, I found her a cryin’ bitter, just +there by her own grave, much about where the gentleman ’as his foot at +this moment” (the Professor quickly withdrew it). “It was in the dusk o’ +the evenin’, and she was a settin’ on the rail of old Squire Jordan’s +grave, jes’ where you are now, sir. We were sort o’ friendly, and wen I +heard ’er a taking on so bad, I jes’ went and stood alongside, and I +sez, ‘Wy Ellen Jervis,’ I sez, ‘wot be you a cryin’ for?’ But she kep’ +on sobbin’ and wouldn’t answer nothin’. So I waited, and jes’ went on +with my work a bit, and then I sez again, ‘Ellen Jervis, wot be you a +cryin’ for?’ And then she took her hands from her face and she sez, +‘Because I am that miserable,’ sez she, and she broke out cryin’ wuss +than ever. ‘Dear, dear,’ I sez, ‘wot is it? Can’t somebody do nothin’ +for you?’</p> + +<p>“‘No; nobody in the world can help me, and nobody wants to; it would be +better if I was under there.’ And she points to the ground just where +she lies now—I give you my word she did—and sure enough, before +another six months had gone by, there she lay under the sod, ’xacly on +the spot as she had pointed to. She was a sinner, there’s no denyin’, +but she ’ad to suffer for it more nor most.”</p> + +<p>“Very sad,” observed Professor Theobald nervously, with a glance at +Hadria, as if expecting derision.</p> + +<p>“It is a hard case,” said Lady Engleton, “but I suppose error <em>has</em> to +be paid for.”</p> + +<p>“Well, I don’t know ’xacly,” said Dodge, “it depends.”</p> + +<p>“On the sex,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“I have known them as spent all their lives a’ injurin’ of others, and +no harm seemed to come to ’em. And I’ve seed them as wouldn’t touch a +fly and always doin’ their neighbours a kind turn, wot never ’ad a day’s +luck.”</p> + +<p>“Let us hope it will be made up in the next world,” said Lady Engleton. +Dodge hoped it would, but there was something in the turn of his head +that seemed to denote a disposition to base his calculations on this, +rather than on the other world. He was expected home by his wife, at +this hour, so wishing the company good day, and pocketing the +Professor’s gratuity with a gleam of satisfaction in his shrewd and +honest face, he trudged off with his broom down the path, and out by the +wicket-gate into the village street.</p> + +<p>“I never heard that part of the story before,” said Lady Engleton, when +the gravedigger had left.</p> + +<p>It was new to everybody. “It brings her nearer, makes one realize her +suffering more painfully.”</p> + +<p>Hadria was silent.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald cast a quick, scrutinizing glance at her.</p> + +<p>“I can understand better now how you were induced to take the poor +child, Mrs. Temperley,” Lady Engleton remarked.</p> + +<p>They were strolling down the path, and Professor Theobald was holding +open the gate for his companions to pass through. His hand seemed to +shake slightly.</p> + +<p>“I don’t enjoy probing my motives on that subject,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Why? I am sure they were good.”</p> + +<p>“I can’t help hoping that that child may live to avenge her mother; to +make some man know what it is to be horribly miserable—but, oh, I +suppose it’s like trying to reach the feelings of a rhinoceros!”</p> + +<p>“There you are much mistaken, Mrs. Temperley,” said the Professor. “Men +are as sensitive, in some respects, as women.”</p> + +<p>“So much the better.”</p> + +<p>“Then do you think it quite just to punish one man for the sin of +another?”</p> + +<p>“No; but there is a deadly feud between the sexes: it is a hereditary +vendetta: the duty of vengeance is passed on from generation to +generation.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, Mrs. Temperley!” Lady Engleton’s tone was one of reproach.</p> + +<p>“Yes, it is vindictive, I know; one does not grow tender towards the +enemy at the grave of Ellen Jervis.”</p> + +<p>“At least, there were <em>two</em> sinners, not only one.”</p> + +<p>“Only one dies of a broken heart.”</p> + +<p>“But why attempt revenge?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, a primitive instinct. And anything is better than this meek +endurance, this persistent heaping of penalties on the scapegoat.”</p> + +<p>“No good ever came of mere revenge, however,” said Professor Theobald.</p> + +<p>“Sometimes that is the only form of remonstrance that is listened to,” +said Hadria. “When people have the law in their own hands and Society at +their back, they can afford to be deaf to mere verbal protest.”</p> + +<p>“As for the child,” said Lady Engleton, “she will be in no little danger +of a fate like her mother’s.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s face darkened.</p> + +<p>“At least then, she shall have some free and happy hours first; at least +she shall not be driven to it by the misery of moral starvation, +starvation of the affections. She shall be protected from the solemn +fools—with sawdust for brains and a mechanical squeaker for heart—who, +on principle, cut off from her mother all joy and all savour in life, +and then punished her for falling a victim to the starved emotional +condition to which they had reduced her.”</p> + +<p>“The matter seems complex,” said Lady Engleton, “and I don’t see how +revenge comes in.”</p> + +<p>“It is a passion that has never been eradicated. Oh, if I could but find +that man!”</p> + +<p>“A man is a hard thing to punish,—unless he is in love with one.”</p> + +<p>“Well, let him be in love!” cried Hadria fiercely.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIX" id="CHAPTER_XXIX"></a>CHAPTER XXIX.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">THE sound of music stole over the gardens of the Priory, at sunset. It +was the close of one of the most exquisite days of Spring. A calm had +settled over the country with the passing away of the sun-god. His +attendant winds and voices had been sacrificed on his funeral pyre.</p> + +<p>Two figures sat on the terrace by the open window of the drawing-room, +listening to the utterance, in music, of a tumultuous, insurgent spirit. +In Professor Fortescue, the musical passion was deeply rooted, as it is +in most profoundly sympathetic and tender natures. Algitha anxiously +watched the effect of her sister’s playing on her companion.</p> + +<p>The wild power of the composer was not merely obvious, it was +overwhelming. It was like “a sudden storm among mountains,” “the +wind-swept heavens at midnight,” “the lonely sea”: he struggled for the +exactly-fitting simile. There was none, because of its many-sidedness. +Loneliness remained as an ever-abiding quality. There were moon-glimpses +and sun-bursts over the scenery of the music; there was sweetness, and a +vernal touch that thrilled the listeners as with the breath of flowers +and the fragrance of earth after rain, but always, behind all fancy and +grace and tenderness, and even passion, lurked that spectral loneliness. +The performer would cease for some minutes, and presently begin again in +a new mood. The music was always characteristic, often wild and strange, +yet essentially sane.</p> + +<p>“There is a strong Celtic element in it,” said the Professor. “This is a +very wonderful gift. I suppose one never does really know one’s fellows: +her music to-night reveals to me new sides of Hadria’s character.”</p> + +<p>“I confess they alarm me,” said Algitha.</p> + +<p>“Truly, this is not the sort of power that can be safely shut up and +stifled. It is the sort of power for which everything ought to be set +aside. That is my impression of it.”</p> + +<p>“I am worried about Hadria,” Algitha said. “I know her better than most +people, and I know how hard she takes things and what explosive force +that musical instinct of hers has. Yet, it is impossible, as things are, +for her to give it real utterance. She can only open the furnace door +now and then.”</p> + +<p>The Professor shook his head gravely. “It won’t do: it isn’t safe. And +why should such a gift be lost?”</p> + +<p>“That’s what I say! Yet what is to be done? There is no one really to +blame. As for Hubert, I am sorry for him. He had not the faintest idea +of Hadria’s character, though she did her best to enlighten him. It is +hard for him (since he feels it so) and it is desperate for her. You are +such an old friend, that I feel I may speak to you about it. You see +what is going on, and I know it is troubling you as it does me.”</p> + +<p>“It is indeed. If I am not very greatly mistaken, here is real musical +genius of the first order, going to waste: strong forces being turned in +upon the nature, to its own destruction; and, as you say, it seems as if +nothing could be done. It is the more ironically cruel, since Hubert is +himself musical.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, yes, but in quite a different way. His fetish is good taste, or +what he thinks such. Hadria’s compositions set his teeth on edge. His +nature is conventional through and through. He fears adverse comment +more than any earthly thing. And yet the individual opinions that +compose the general ‘talk’ that he so dreads, are nothing to him. He +despises them heartily. But he would give his soul (and particularly +Hadria’s) rather than incur a whisper from people collectively.”</p> + +<p>“That is a very common trait. If we feared only the opinions that we +respect, our fear would cover but a small area.”</p> + +<p>The music stole out again through the window. The thoughts of the +listeners were busy. It was not until quite lately that Professor +Fortescue had fully realised the nature of Hadria’s present +surroundings. It had taken all his acuteness and his sympathy to enable +him to perceive the number and strength of the little threads that +hampered her spontaneity. As she said, they were made of heart-strings. +A vast spider’s web seemed to spread its tender cordage round each +household, for the crippling of every winged creature within its radius. +Fragments of torn wings attested the struggles that had taken place +among the treacherous gossamer.</p> + +<p>“And the maddening thing is,” cried Algitha, “that there is nobody to +swear at. Swearing at systems and ideas, as Hadria says, is a Barmecide +feast to one’s vindictiveness.”</p> + +<p>“It is the tyranny of affection that has done so much to ruin the lives +of women,” the Professor observed, in a musing tone.</p> + +<p>Then after a pause: “I fear your poor mother has never got over <em>your</em> +little revolt, Algitha.”</p> + +<p>“Never, I am sorry to say. If I had married and settled in Hongkong, she +would scarcely have minded, but as it is, she feels deserted. Of course +the boys are away from home more than I am, yet she is not grieved at +that. You see how vast these claims are. Nothing less than one’s entire +life and personality will suffice.”</p> + +<p>“Your mother feels that you are throwing your life away, remember. But +truly it seems, sometimes, as if people were determined to turn +affection into a curse instead of a blessing!”</p> + +<p>“I never think of it in any other light,” Algitha announced serenely.</p> + +<p>The Professor laughed. “Oh, there are exceptions, I hope,” he said. +“Love, like everything else that is great, is very, very rare. We call +the disposition to usurp and absorb another person by that name, but woe +betide him or her who is the object of such a sentiment. Yet happily, +the real thing <em>is</em> to be found now and again. And from that arises +freedom.”</p> + +<p>Hadria was playing some joyous impromptu, which seemed to express the +very spirit of Freedom herself.</p> + +<p>“I think Hadria has something of the gipsy in her,” said Algitha. “She +is so utterly and hopelessly unfitted to be the wife of a prim, +measured, elegant creature like Hubert—good fellow though he is—and to +settle down for life at Craddock Dene.”</p> + +<p>“Yes,” returned the Professor, “it has occurred to me, more than once, +that there must be a drop of nomad blood somewhere among the ancestry.”</p> + +<p>“Hadria always says herself, that she is a vagabond in disguise.”</p> + +<p>He laughed. Then, as he drew out a tobacco-pouch from his pocket and +proceeded to light his pipe, he went on, in quiet meditative fashion, as +if thinking aloud: “The fact of the matter is, that in this world, the +dead weight of the mass bears heavily upon the exceptional natures. It +comes home to one vividly, in cases like this. The stupidity and +blindness of each individual goes to build up the dead wall, the +impassable obstacle, for some other spirit. The burden that we have cast +upon the world has to be borne by our fellow man or woman, and perhaps +is doomed to crush a human soul.”</p> + +<p>“It seems to me that most people are engaged in that crushing industry,” +said Algitha with a shrug. “Don’t I know their bonnets, and their +frock-coats and their sneers!”</p> + +<p>The Professor smiled. He thought that most of us were apt to take that +attitude at times. The same spirit assumed different forms. “While we +are sneering at our fellow mortal, and assuring him loftily that he can +certainly prevail, if only he is strong enough, it may be <em>our</em> +particular dulness or <em>our</em> hardness that is dragging him down to a +tragic failure, before our eyes.”</p> + +<p>The sun was low when the player came out to the terrace and took her +favourite seat on the parapet. The gardens were steeped in profound +peace. One could hear no sound for miles round. The broad country made +itself closely felt by its stirring silence. The stretches of fields +beyond fields, the woodlands in their tender green, the long, long sweep +of the quiet land, formed a benign circle round the garden, and led the +sense of peace out and out to the horizon, where the liquid light of the +sky touched the hills.</p> + +<p>The face of the Professor had a transparent look and a singular beauty +of expression, such as is seen on the faces of the dead, or on the faces +of those who are carried beyond themselves by some generous enthusiasm.</p> + +<p>They watched, in silence, the changes creeping over the heavens, the +subtle transmutations of tint; the fairylands of cloud, growing like +dreams, and melting in golden annihilation; the more delicate and +exquisite, the sooner the end.</p> + +<p>The first pale hints of splendour had spread, till the whole West was +throbbing with the radiance. But it was short-lived. The soul of the +light, with its vital vibrating quality, seemed to die, and then slowly +the glow faded, till every sparkle was gone, and the amphitheatre of the +sky lay cold, and dusk, and empty. It was not till the last gleam had +melted away that a word was spoken.</p> + +<p>“It is like a prophecy,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“To-morrow the dawn, remember.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s thoughts ran on in the silence.</p> + +<p>The dawn? Yes; but all that lost splendour, those winged islands, those +wild ranges of mountain where the dreams dwell; to-morrow’s dawn brings +no resurrection for them. Other pageants there will be, other +cloud-castles, but never again just those.</p> + +<p>Had the Professor been following her thoughts?</p> + +<p>“Life,” he said, “offers her gifts as the Sibyl her books; they grow +fewer as we refuse them.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! that is the truth that clamours in my brain, warning and pointing +to an empty temple, like the deserted sky, a little while ahead.”</p> + +<p>“Be warned then.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! but what to do? I am out of myself now with the spring; there are +so many benign influences. I too have winged islands, and wild ranges +where the dreams dwell; life is a fairy-tale; but there is always that +terror of the departure of the sun.”</p> + +<p>“<em>Carpe diem.</em>”</p> + +<p>Hadria turned a startled and eager face towards the Professor, who was +leaning back in his chair, thoughtfully smoking. The smoke curled away +serenely through the calm air of the evening.</p> + +<p>“You have a great gift,” he said.</p> + +<p>“One is afraid of taking a thing too seriously because it is one’s own.”</p> + +<p>The Professor turned almost angrily.</p> + +<p>“Good heavens, what does it matter whose it is? There may be a sort of +inverted vanity in refusing fair play to a power, on that ground. Alas! +here is one of the first morbid signs of the evil at work upon you. If +you had been wholesomely moving and striving in the right direction, do +you think you would have been guilty of that piece of egotism?”</p> + +<p>“Vanity pursues one into hidden corners of the mind. I am so used to +that sort of spirit among women. Apparently I have caught the +infection.”</p> + +<p>“I would not let it go farther,” advised the Professor.</p> + +<p>“To do myself justice, I think it is superficial,” said Hadria with a +laugh. “I would dare anything, <em>any</em>thing for a chance of freedom, +for——,” she broke off, hesitating. “I remember once—years ago, when I +was quite a girl—seeing a young ash-tree that had got jammed into a +chink so that it couldn’t grow straight, or spread, as its inner soul, +poor stripling, evidently inspired it to grow. Outside, there were +hundreds of upright, vigorous, healthful young trees, fulfilling that +innate idea in apparent gladness, and with obvious general advantage, +since they were growing into sound, valuable trees, straight of trunk, +nobly developed. I felt like the poor sapling in the cranny, that had +just the same natural impetus of healthy growth as all the others, but +was forced to become twisted, and crooked, and stunted and wretched. I +think most women have to grow in a cranny. It is generally known as +their Sphere.” Algitha gave an approving chuckle. “I noticed,” Hadria +added, “that the desperate struggle to grow of that young tree had begun +to loosen the masonry of the edifice that cramped it. There was a great +dangerous-looking crack right across the building. The tree was not +saved from deformity, <em>but</em> it had its revenge! Some day that noble +institution would come down by the run.”</p> + +<p>“Yes. Well, the thing to do is to get out of it,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>“You really advise that?”</p> + +<p>“Advise? One dare not advise. It is too perilous. No general theories +will hold in all instances.”</p> + +<p>“Tell me,” said Hadria, “what are the qualities in a human being that +make him most serviceable, or least harmful?”</p> + +<p>“What qualities?” Professor Fortescue watched the smoke of his pipe +curling away, as if he expected to find the answer in its coils. He +answered slowly, and with an air of reflection.</p> + +<p>“Mental integrity, and mercy. A resolute following of reason (in which I +should include insight) to its conclusion, though the heavens fall, and +an unfailing fellow-feeling for the pain and struggle and heart-ache and +sin that life is so full of. But one must add the quality of +imagination. Without imagination and its fruits, the world would be a +howling wilderness.”</p> + +<p>“I wish you would come down with me, some day, to the East End and hold +out the hand of fellowship to some of the sufferers there,” cried +Algitha. “I am, at times, almost in despair at the mass of evil to be +fought against, but somehow you always make me feel, Professor, that the +race has all the qualities necessary for redemption enfolded within +itself.”</p> + +<p>“But assuredly it has!” cried the Professor. “And assuredly those +redeeming qualities will germinate. Otherwise the race would extinguish +itself in cruelty and corruption. Let people talk as they please about +the struggle for existence, it is through the development of the human +mind and the widening of human mercy that better things will come.”</p> + +<p>“One sees, now and then, in a flash, what the world may some day be,” +said Hadria. “The vision comes, perhaps, with the splendour of a spring +morning, or opens, scroll-like, in a flood of noble music. It sounds +unreal, yet it brings a sense of conviction that is irresistible.”</p> + +<p>“I think it was Pythagoras who declared that the woes of men are the +work of their own hands,” said the Professor. “So are their joys. +Nothing ever shakes my belief that what the mind of man can imagine, +that it can achieve.”</p> + +<p>“But there are so many pulling the wrong way,” said Algitha sadly.</p> + +<p>“Ah, one man may be miserable through the deeds of others; the race can +only be miserable through its own.”</p> + +<p>After a pause, Algitha put a question: How far was it justifiable to +give pain to others in following one’s own idea of right and reasonable? +How far might one attempt to live a life of intellectual integrity and +of the widest mercy that one’s nature would stretch to?</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue saw no limits but those of one’s own courage and +ability. Algitha pointed out that in most lives the limit occurred much +sooner. If “others”—those tyrannical and absorbent “others”—had +intricately bound up their notions of happiness with the prevention of +any such endeavour, and if those notions were of the usual negative, +home-comfort-and-affection order, narrowly personal, fruitful in nothing +except a sort of sentimental egotism that spread over a whole +family—what Hadria called an <em>egotism à douze</em>—how far ought these +ideas to be respected, and at what cost?</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue was unqualified in his condemnation of the sentiment +which erected sacrificial altars in the family circle. He spoke +scornfully of the doctrine of renunciation, so applied, and held the +victims who brought their gifts of power and liberty more culpable than +those who demanded them, since the duty of resistance to recognised +wrong was obvious, while great enlightenment was needed to teach one to +forego an unfair privilege or power that all the world concurred in +pressing upon one.</p> + +<p>“Then you think a person—even a feminine person—justified in giving +pain by resisting unjust demands?”</p> + +<p>“I certainly think that all attempts to usurp another person’s life on +the plea of affection should be stoutly resisted. But I recognise that +cases must often occur when resistance is practically impossible.”</p> + +<p>“One ought not to be too easily melted by the ‘shrieks of a near +relation,’” said Hadria. “Ah, I have a good mind to try. I don’t fear +any risk for myself, nor any work; the stake is worth it. I don’t want +to grow cramped and crooked, like my poor ash-tree. Perhaps this may be +a form of vanity too; I don’t know, I was going to say I don’t care.”</p> + +<p>The scent of young leaves and of flowers came up, soft and rich from the +garden, and as Hadria leant over the parapet, a gust of passionate +conviction of power swept over her; not merely of her own personal +power, but of some vast, flooding, beneficent well-spring from which her +own was fed. And with the inrush, came a glimpse as of heaven itself.</p> + +<p>“I wonder,” she said after a long silence, “why it is that when we +<em>know</em> for dead certain, we call it faith.”</p> + +<p>“Because, I suppose, our certainty is certainty only for ourselves. If +you have found some such conviction to guide you in this wild world, you +are very fortunate. We need all our courage and our strength——”</p> + +<p>“And just a little more,” Hadria added.</p> + +<p>“Yes; sometimes just a little more, to save us from its worst pitfalls.”</p> + +<p>It struck both Hadria and her sister that the Professor was looking very +ill and worn this evening.</p> + +<p>“You are always giving help and sympathy to others, and you never get +any yourself!” Hadria exclaimed.</p> + +<p>But the Professor laughed, and asserted that he was being spoilt at +Craddock Dene. They had risen, and were strolling down the yew avenue. A +little star had twinkled out.</p> + +<p>“I am very glad to have Professor Fortescue’s opinion of your +composition, Hadria. I was talking to him about you, and he quite agrees +with me.”</p> + +<p>“What? that I ought to——?”</p> + +<p>“That you ought not to go on as you are going on at present.”</p> + +<p>“But that is so vague.”</p> + +<p>“I suppose you have long ago tried all the devices of self-discipline?” +said the Professor. “There are ways, of course, of arming oneself +against minor difficulties, of living within a sort of citadel. +Naturally much force has to go in keeping up the defences, but it is +better than having none to keep up.”</p> + +<p>Hadria gave a quiet smile. “There is not a method, mental or other, that +I have not tried, and tried hard. If it had not been for the sternest +self-discipline, my mind at this moment, would be so honeycombed with +small pre-occupations (pleasant and otherwise), that it would be +incapable of consecutive ideas of any kind. As it is, I feel a miserable +number of holes here”—she touched her brow—“a loss of absorbing power, +at times, and a mental slackness that is really alarming. What remains +of me has been dragged ashore as from a wreck, amidst a rush of wind and +wave. But just now, thanks greatly to your sympathy and Algitha’s, I +seem restored to myself. I can never describe the rapture of that +sensation to one who has never felt himself sinking down and down into +darkness, to a dim hell, where the doom is a slow decay instead of the +fiery pains of burning.”</p> + +<p>“This is all wrong, wrong!” cried the Professor anxiously.</p> + +<p>“Ah! but I feel now, such certainty, such courage. It seems as if Fate +were giving me one more chance. I have often run very close to making a +definite decision—to dare everything rather than await this fool’s +disaster. But then comes that everlasting feminine humility, sneaking up +with its simper: ‘Is not this presumptuous, selfish, mistaken, wrong? +What business have <em>you</em>, one out of so many, to break roughly through +the delicate web that has been spun for your kindly detention?’ Of +course my retort is: ‘What business have they to spin the web?’ But one +can never get up a real sense of injured innocence. It is always the +spiders who seem injured and innocent. However, this time I am going to +try, though the heavens fall!”</p> + +<p>A figure appeared, in the dusk, at the further end of the avenue. It +proved to be Miss Du Prel, who had come to find Hadria. Henriette had +arrived unexpectedly by the late afternoon train, and Valeria had +volunteered to announce her arrival to her sister-in-law.</p> + +<p>“Ah!” exclaimed Hadria, “heaven helps him who helps himself! This will +fit in neatly with my plans.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXX" id="CHAPTER_XXX"></a>CHAPTER XXX.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">VALERIA DU PREL, finding that Miss Temperley proposed a visit of some +length, returned to town by the early morning train.</p> + +<p>“Valeria, do you know anyone in Paris to whom you could give me a letter +of introduction?” Hadria asked, at the last moment, when there was just +time to write the letter, and no more.</p> + +<p>“Are you going to Paris?” Valeria asked, startled.</p> + +<p>“Please write the letter and I will tell you some day what I want it +for.”</p> + +<p>“Nothing very mad, I hope?”</p> + +<p>“No, only a little—judiciously mad.”</p> + +<p>“Well, there is Madame Bertaux, in the Avenue Kleber, but her you know +already. Let me see. Oh yes, Madame Vauchelet, a charming woman; very +kind and very fond of young people. She is about sixty; a widow; her +husband was in the diplomatic service.”</p> + +<p>Valeria made these hurried comments while writing the letter.</p> + +<p>“She is musical too, and will introduce you, perhaps, to the great +Joubert, and others of that set. You will like her, I am sure. She is +one of the truly good people of this world. If you really are going to +Paris, I shall feel happier if I know that Madame Vauchelet is your +friend.”</p> + +<p>Sophia’s successor announced that the pony-cart was at the door.</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel looked rather anxiously at Hadria and her sister-in-law, as +they stood on the steps to bid her good-bye. There was a look of elation +mixed with devilry, in Hadria’s face. The two figures turned and +entered the house together, as the pony-cart passed through the gate.</p> + +<p>Hadria always gave Miss Temperley much opportunity for the employment of +tact, finding this tact more elucidating than otherwise to the designs +that it was intended to conceal; it affected them in the manner of a +magnifying-glass. About a couple of years ago, the death of her mother +had thrown Henriette on her own resources, and set free a large amount +of energy that craved a legitimate outlet. The family with whom she was +now living in London, not being related to her, offered but limited +opportunities.</p> + +<p>Henriette’s eye was fixed, with increasing fondness, upon the Red House. +<em>There</em> lay the callow brood marked out by Nature and man, for her +ministrations. With infinite adroitness, Miss Temperley questioned her +sister-in-law, by inference and suggestion, about the affairs of the +household. Hadria evaded the attempt, but rejoiced, for reasons of her +own, that it was made. She began to find the occupation diverting, and +characteristically did not hesitate to allow her critic to form most +alarming conclusions as to the state of matters at the Red House. She +was pensive, and mild, and a little surprised when Miss Temperley, with +a suppressed gasp, urged that the question was deeply serious. It amused +Hadria to reproduce, for Henriette’s benefit, the theories regarding the +treatment and training of children that she had found current among the +mothers of the district.</p> + +<p>Madame Bertaux happened to call during the afternoon, and that outspoken +lady scoffed openly at these theories, declaring that women made idiots +of themselves on behalf of their children, whom they preposterously +ill-used with unflagging devotion.</p> + +<p>“The moral training of young minds is such a problem,” said Henriette, +after the visitor had left, “it must cause you many an anxious thought.”</p> + +<p>Hadria arranged herself comfortably among cushions, and let every muscle +relax.</p> + +<p>“The boys are so young yet,” she said drowsily. “I have no doubt that +will all come, later on.”</p> + +<p>“But, my dear Hadria, unless they are trained now——”</p> + +<p>“Oh, there is plenty of time!”</p> + +<p>“Do you mean to say——?”</p> + +<p>“Only what other people say. Nothing in the least original, I assure +you. I see the folly and the inconvenience of that now. I have consulted +hoary experience. I have sat reverently at the feet of old nurses. I +have talked with mothers in the spirit of a disciple, and I have learnt, +oh, so much!”</p> + +<p>“Mothers are most anxious about the moral training of their little +ones,” said Henriette, in some bewilderment.</p> + +<p>“Of course, but they don’t worry about it so early. One can’t expect +accomplished morality from poor little dots of five and six. The charm +of infancy would be gone.”</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley explained, remonstrated. Hadria was limp, docile, +unemphatic. Perhaps Henriette was right, she didn’t know. A sense of +honour? (Hadria suppressed a smile.) Could one, after all, expect of six +what one did not always get at six and twenty? Morals altogether seemed +a good deal to ask of irresponsible youth. Henriette could not overrate +the importance of early familiarity with the difference between right +and wrong. Certainly it was important, but Hadria shrank from an extreme +view. One must not rush into it without careful thought.</p> + +<p>“But meanwhile the children are growing up!” cried Henriette, in +despair.</p> + +<p>Hadria had not found that experienced mothers laid much stress on that +fact. Besides, there was considerable difficulty in the matter. +Henriette did not see it. The difference between right and wrong could +easily be taught to a child.</p> + +<p>Perhaps so, but it seemed to be thought expedient to defer the lesson +till the distant future; at least, if one might judge from the +literature especially designed for growing minds, wherein clever +villainy was exalted, and deeds of ferocious cruelty and revenge +occurred as a daily commonplace among heroes. The same policy was +indicated by the practice of allowing children to become familiar with +the sight of slaughter, and of violence of every kind towards animals, +from earliest infancy. Hadria concluded from all this, that it was +thought wise to postpone the moral training of the young till a more +convenient season.</p> + +<p>Henriette looked at her sister-in-law, with a sad and baffled mien. +Hadria’s expression was solemn, and as much like that of Mrs. Walker as +she could make it, without descending to obvious caricature.</p> + +<p>“Do you think it quite wise, Henriette, to run dead against the customs +of ages? Do you think it safe to ignore the opinion of countless +generations of those who were older and wiser than ourselves?”</p> + +<p>“Dear me, how you <em>have</em> changed!” cried Miss Temperley.</p> + +<p>“Advancing years; the sobering effects of experience,” Hadria explained. +She was grieved to find Henriette at variance with those who had +practical knowledge of education. As the child grew up, one could easily +explain to him that the ideas and impressions that he might have +acquired, in early years, were mostly wrong, and had to be reversed. +That was quite simple. Besides, unless he were a born idiot of criminal +tendencies, he was bound to find it out for himself.</p> + +<p>“But, my dear Hadria, it is just the early years that are the +impressionable years. Nothing can quite erase those first impressions.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, do you think so?” said Hadria mildly.</p> + +<p>“Yes, indeed, I think so,” cried Henriette, losing her temper.</p> + +<p>“Oh, well of course you may be right.”</p> + +<p>Hadria had brought out a piece of embroidery (about ten years old), and +was working peacefully.</p> + +<p>On questions of hygiene, she was equally troublesome. She had taken +hints, she said, from mothers of large families. Henriette laid stress +upon fresh air, even in the house. Hadria believed in fresh air; but +was it not going a little far to have it in the house?</p> + +<p>Henriette shook her head.</p> + +<p>Fresh air was <em>always</em> necessary. In moderation, perhaps, Hadria +admitted. But the utmost care was called for, to avoid taking cold. She +laid great stress upon that. Children were naturally so susceptible. In +all the nurseries that she had visited, where every possible precaution +was taken against draughts, the children were incessantly taking cold.</p> + +<p>“Perhaps the precautions made them delicate,” Henriette suggested. But +this paradox Hadria could not entertain. “Take care of the colds, and +the fresh air will take care of itself,” was her general maxim.</p> + +<p>“But, my dear Hadria, do you mean to tell me that the people about here +are so benighted as really not to understand the importance to the +system of a constant supply of pure air?”</p> + +<p>Hadria puckered up her brow, as if in thought. “Well,” she said, +“several mothers <em>have</em> mentioned it, but they take more interest in +fluid magnesia and tonics.”</p> + +<p>Henriette looked dispirited.</p> + +<p>At any rate, there was no reason why Hadria should not be more +enlightened than her neighbours, on these points. Hadria shook her head +deprecatingly. She hoped Henriette would not mind if she quoted the +opinion of old Mr. Jordan, whose language was sometimes a little strong. +He said that he didn’t believe all that “damned nonsense about fresh air +and drains!” Henriette coughed.</p> + +<p>“It is certainly not safe to trust entirely to nurses, however devoted +and experienced,” she insisted. Hadria shrugged her shoulders. If the +nurse <em>did</em> constitutionally enjoy a certain stuffiness in her +nurseries—well the children were out half the day, and it couldn’t do +them much harm. (Hadria bent low over her embroidery.)</p> + +<p>The night?</p> + +<p>“Oh! then one must, of course, expect to be a little stuffy.”</p> + +<p>“But,” cried Miss Temperley, almost hopeless, “impure air breathed, +night after night, is an incessant drain on the strength, even if each +time it only does a little harm.”</p> + +<p>Hadria smiled over her silken arabesques. “Oh, nobody ever objects to +things that only do a little harm.” There was a moment of silence.</p> + +<p>Henriette thought that Hadria must indeed have changed very much during +the last years. Well, of course, when very young, Hadria said, one had +extravagant notions: one imagined all sorts of wild things about the +purposes of the human brain: not till later did one realize that the +average brain was merely an instrument of adjustment, a sort of +spirit-level which enabled its owner to keep accurately in line with +other people. Henriette ought to rejoice that Hadria had thus come to +bow to the superiority of the collective wisdom.</p> + +<p>But Henriette had her doubts.</p> + +<p>Hadria carefully selected a shade of silk, went to the light to reassure +herself of its correctness, and returned to her easy chair by the fire. +Henriette resumed her knitting. She was making stockings for her +nephews.</p> + +<p>“Henriette, don’t you think it would be rather a good plan if you were +to come and live here and manage affairs—morals, manners, hygiene, and +everything?”</p> + +<p>Henriette’s needles stopped abruptly, and a wave of colour came into her +face, and a gleam of sudden joy to her eyes.</p> + +<p>“My dear, what do you mean?”</p> + +<p>“Hubert, of course, would be only too delighted to have you here, and I +want to go away.”</p> + +<p>“For heaven’s sake——”</p> + +<p>“Not exactly for heaven’s sake. For my own sake, I suppose: frankly +selfish. It is, perhaps, the particular form that my selfishness +takes—an unfortunately conspicuous form. So many of us can have a nice +cosy pocket edition that doesn’t show. However, that’s not the point. I +know you would be happier doing this than anything else, and that you +would do it perfectly. You have the kind of talent, if I may say so, +that makes an admirable ruler. When it has a large political field we +call it ‘administrative ability’; when it has a small domestic one, we +speak of it as ‘good housekeeping.’ It is a precious quality, wherever +it appears. You have no scope for it at present.”</p> + +<p>Henriette was bewildered, horrified, yet secretly thrilled with joy on +her own account. Was there a quarrel? Had any cloud come over the +happiness of the home? Hadria laughed and assured her to the contrary. +But where was she going, and for how long? What did she intend to do? +Did Hubert approve? And could she bear to be away from her children? +Hadria thought this was all beside the point, especially as the boys +were shortly going to school. The question was, whether Henriette would +take the charge.</p> + +<p>Certainly, if Hadria came to any such mad decision, but that, Henriette +hoped, might be averted. What <em>would</em> people say? Further discussion was +checked by a call from Mrs. Walker, whom Hadria had the audacity to +consult on questions of education and hygiene, leading her, by dexterous +generalship, almost over the same ground that she had traversed herself, +inducing the unconscious lady to repeat, with amazing accuracy, Hadria’s +own reproduction of local views.</p> + +<p>“Now <em>am</em> I without authority in my ideas?” she asked, after Mrs. Walker +had departed. Henriette had to admit that she had at least one +supporter.</p> + +<p>“But I believe,” she added, “that your practice is better than your +preaching.”</p> + +<p>“It seems to be an ordinance of Nature,” said Hadria, “that these things +shall never correspond.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXI" id="CHAPTER_XXXI"></a>CHAPTER XXXI.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">HADRIA said nothing more about her project, and when Henriette alluded +to it, answered that it was still unfurnished with detail. She merely +wished to know, for certain, Henriette’s views. She admitted that there +had been some conversation on the subject between Hubert and herself, +but would give no particulars. Henriette had to draw her own conclusions +from Hadria’s haggard looks, and the suppressed excitement of her +manner.</p> + +<p>Henriette always made a point of being present when Professor Fortescue +called, as she did not approve of his frequent visits. She noticed that +he gave a slight start when Hadria entered. In a few days, she had grown +perceptibly thinner. Her manner was restless. A day or two of rain had +prevented the usual walks. When it cleared up again, the season had +taken a stride. Still more glorious was the array of tree and flower, +and their indescribable freshness suggested the idea that they were +bathed in the mysterious elixir of life, and that if one touched them, +eternal youth would be the reward. Professor Theobald gazed at Hadria +with startled and enquiring eyes, when they met again.</p> + +<p>“You look tired,” he said.</p> + +<p>“I am, rather. The spring is always a little trying.”</p> + +<p>“Especially <em>this</em> spring, I find.”</p> + +<p>The gardens of the Priory were now at the very perfection of their +beauty. The supreme moment had come of flowing wealth of foliage and +delicate splendour of blossom, yet the paleness of green and tenderness +of texture were still there.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald said suddenly, that Hadria looked as if she were +turning over some project very anxiously in her mind—a project on which +much depended.</p> + +<p>“You are very penetrating,” she replied, after a moment’s hesitation, +“that is exactly what I <em>am</em> doing. When I was a girl, my brothers and +sisters and I used to discuss the question of the sovereignty of the +will. Most of us believed in it devoutly. We regarded circumstance as an +annoying trifle, that no person who respected himself would allow to +stand in his way. I want to try that theory and see what comes of it.”</p> + +<p>“You alarm me, Mrs. Temperley.”</p> + +<p>“Yes, people always do seem to get alarmed when one attempts to put +their favourite theories in practice.”</p> + +<p>“But really—for a woman——”</p> + +<p>“The sovereignty of the will is a dangerous doctrine?”</p> + +<p>“Well, as things are; a young woman, a beautiful woman.”</p> + +<p>“You recall an interesting memory,” she said.</p> + +<p>“Ah, that is unkind.”</p> + +<p>Her smile checked him.</p> + +<p>“When you fall into a mocking humour, you are quite impracticable.”</p> + +<p>“I merely smiled,” she said, “sweetly, as I thought.”</p> + +<p>“It is really cruel; I have not had a word with you for days, and the +universe has become a wilderness.”</p> + +<p>“A pleasant wilderness,” she observed, looking round.</p> + +<p>“Nature is a delightful background, but a poor subject.”</p> + +<p>“Do you think so? I often fancy one’s general outlook would be nicer, if +one had an indistinct human background and a clear foreground of +unspoiled Nature. But that may be a jaundiced view.”</p> + +<p>Hadria went off to meet Lady Engleton, who was coming down the avenue +with Madame Bertaux. Professor Theobald instinctively began to follow +and then stopped, reddening, as he met the glance of Miss Temperley. He +flung himself into conversation with her, and became especially animated +when he was passing Hadria, who did not appear to notice him. As both +Professors were to leave Craddock Dene at the end of the week, this was +the last meeting in the Priory gardens.</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley found Professor Theobald entertaining, but at times a +little incoherent.</p> + +<p>“Why, there is Miss Du Prel!” exclaimed Henriette. “What an erratic +person she is. She went to London the day before yesterday, and now she +turns up suddenly without a word of warning.”</p> + +<p>This confirmed Professor Theobald’s suspicions that something serious +was going on at the Red House.</p> + +<p>Valeria explained her return to Hadria, by saying that she had felt so +nervous about what the latter might be going to attempt, that she had +come back to see if she could be of help, or able to ward off any rash +adventure.</p> + +<p>There was a pleasant open space among the shrubberies, where several +seats had been placed to command a dainty view of the garden and lawns, +with the house in the distance, and here the party gradually converged, +in desultory fashion, coming up and strolling off again, as the fancy +inspired them.</p> + +<p>Cigars were lighted, and a sense of sociability and enjoyment suffused +itself, like a perfume, among the group.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton was delighted to see Miss Du Prel again. She did so want +to continue the hot discussion they were having at the Red House that +afternoon, when Mr. Temperley <em>would</em> be so horridly logical. He smiled +and twisted his moustache.</p> + +<p>“We were interrupted by some caller, and had to leave the argument at a +most exciting moment.”</p> + +<p>“An eternally interesting subject!” said Temperley; “what woman is, what +she is not.”</p> + +<p>“My dread is that presently, the need for dissimulation being over, all +the delightful mystery will have vanished,” said Professor Theobald. “I +should tire, in a day, of a woman I could understand.”</p> + +<p>“You tempt one to enquire the length of the reign of a satisfactory +enigma,” cried Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Precisely the length of her ability to mystify me,” he replied.</p> + +<p>“Your future wife ought to be given a hint.”</p> + +<p>“Oh! a wife, in no case, could hold me: the mere fact that it was my +duty to adore her, would be chilling. And when added to that, I knew +that she had placed it among the list of her obligations to adore +<em>me</em>—well, that would be the climax of disenchantment.”</p> + +<p>Hubert commended his wisdom in not marrying.</p> + +<p>“The only person I could conceivably marry would be my cook; in that +case there would be no romance to spoil, no vision to destroy.”</p> + +<p>“I fear this is a cloak for a poor opinion of our sex, Professor.”</p> + +<p>“On the contrary. I admire your sex too much to think of subjecting them +to such an ordeal. I could not endure to regard a woman I had once +admired, as a matter of course, a commonplace in my existence.”</p> + +<p>Henriette plunged headlong into the fray, in opposition to the +Professor’s heresy. The conversation became general.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald fell out of it. He was furtively watching Hadria, +whose eyes were strangely bright. She was sitting on the arm of a seat, +listening to the talk, with a little smile on her lips. Her hand clasped +the back of the seat rigidly, as if she were holding something down.</p> + +<p>The qualities and defects of the female character were frankly +canvassed, each view being held with fervour, but expressed with +urbanity. Women were <em>always</em> so and so; women were absolutely <em>never</em> +so and so: women felt, without exception, thus and thus; on the +contrary, they were entirely devoid of such sentiments. A large +experience and wide observation always supported each opinion, and +eminent authorities swarmed to the standard.</p> + +<p>“I do think that women want breadth of view,” said Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“They sometimes want accuracy of statement,” observed Professor +Theobald, with a possible second meaning in his words.</p> + +<p>“It seems to me they lack concentration. They are too versatile,” was +Hubert’s comment.</p> + +<p>“They want a sense of honour,” was asserted.</p> + +<p>“And a sense of humour,” some one added.</p> + +<p>“They want a feeling of public duty.”</p> + +<p>“They want a spice of the Devil!” exclaimed Hadria.</p> + +<p>There was a laugh.</p> + +<p>Hubert thought this was a lack not likely to be felt for very long. It +was under rapid process of cultivation.</p> + +<p>“Why, it is a commonplace, that if a woman <em>is</em> bad, she is always +<em>very</em> bad,” cried Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“A new and intoxicating experience,” said Professor Fortescue. “I +sympathize.”</p> + +<p>“New?” his colleague murmured, with a faint chuckle.</p> + +<p>“You distress me,” said Henriette.</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue held that woman’s “goodness” had done as much harm +in the world as men’s badness. The one was merely the obverse of the +other.</p> + +<p>“This is strange teaching!” cried Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>The Professor reminded her that truth was always stranger than fiction.</p> + +<p>“To the best men,” observed Valeria, “women show all their meanest +qualities. It is the fatality of their training.”</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald had noted the same trait in other subject races.</p> + +<p>“Pray, don’t call us a subject race!” remonstrated Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Ah, yes, the truth,” cried Hadria, “we starve for the truth.”</p> + +<p>“You are courageous, Mrs. Temperley.”</p> + +<p>“Like the Lady of Shallott, I am sick of shadows.”</p> + +<p>“The bare truth, on this subject, is hard for a woman to face.”</p> + +<p>“It is harder, in the long run, to waltz eternally round it with averted +eyes.”</p> + +<p>“But, dear me, why is the truth about ourselves hard to face?” demanded +Valeria.</p> + +<p>“I am placed between the horns of a dilemma: one lady clamours for the +bare truth: another forbids me to say anything unpleasing.”</p> + +<p>“I withdraw my objection,” Valeria offered.</p> + +<p>“The ungracious task shall not be forced upon unwilling chivalry,” said +Hadria. “If our conditions have been evil, some scars must be left and +may as well be confessed. Among the faults of women, I should place a +tendency to trade upon and abuse real chivalry and generosity when they +meet them: a survival perhaps from the Stone Age, when the fittest to +bully were the surviving elect of society.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s eyes sparkled with suppressed excitement.</p> + +<p>“Freedom alone teaches us to meet generosity, generously,” said +Professor Fortescue; “you can’t get the perpendicular virtues out of any +but the really free-born.”</p> + +<p>“Then do you describe women’s virtues as horizontal?” enquired Miss Du +Prel, half resentfully.</p> + +<p>“In so far as they follow the prevailing models. Women’s love, +friendship, duty, the conduct of life as a whole, speaking very roughly, +has been lacking in the quality that I call perpendicular; a quality +implying something more than <em>upright</em>.”</p> + +<p>“You seem to value but lightly the woman’s acknowledged readiness for +self-sacrifice,” said Lady Engleton. “That, I suppose, is only a +despised horizontal virtue.”</p> + +<p>“Very frequently.”</p> + +<p>“Because it is generally more or less abject,” Hadria put in. “The +sacrifice is made because the woman is a woman. It is the obeisance of +sex; the acknowledgment of servility; not a simple desire of service.”</p> + +<p>“The adorable creature is not always precisely obeisant,” observed +Theobald.</p> + +<p>“No; as I say, she may be capricious and cruel enough to those who treat +her justly and generously” (Hadria’s eyes instinctively turned towards +the distant Priory, and Valeria’s followed them); “but ask her to +sacrifice herself for nothing; ask her to cherish the selfishness of +some bully or fool; assure her that it is her duty to waste her youth, +lose her health, and stultify her mind, for the sake of somebody’s whim, +or somebody’s fears, or somebody’s absurdity, <em>then</em> she needs no +persuasion. She goes to the stake smiling. She swears the flames are +comfortably warm, no more. Are they diminishing her in size? Oh no—not +at all—besides she <em>was</em> rather large, for a woman. She smiles +encouragement to the other chained figures, at the other stakes. Her +reward? The sense of exalted worth, of humility; the belief that she has +been sublimely virtuous, while the others whom she serves have +been—well the less said about them the better. She has done her duty, +and sent half a dozen souls to hell!”</p> + +<p>Henriette uttered a little cry.</p> + +<p>“Where one expects to meet her!” Hadria added.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald was chuckling gleefully.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton laughed. “Then, Mrs. Temperley, you <em>do</em> feel rather +wicked yourself, although you don’t admire our nice, well-behaved, +average woman.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, the mere opposite of an error isn’t always truth,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“The weather has run to your head!” cried Henriette.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s eyes kindled. “Yes, it is like wine; clear, intoxicating +sparkling wine, and its fumes are mounting! Why does civilisation never +provide for these moments?”</p> + +<p>“What would you have? A modified feast of Dionysius?”</p> + +<p>“Why not? The whole earth joins in the festival and sings, except +mankind. Some frolic of music and a stirring dance!—But ah! I suppose, +in this tamed England of ours, we should feel it artificial; we should +fear to let ourselves go. But in Greece—if we could fancy ourselves +there, shorn of our little local personalities—in some classic grove, +on sunlit slopes, all bubbling with the re-birth of flowers and alive +with the light, the broad all-flooding light of Greece that her children +dreaded to leave more than any other earthly thing, when death +threatened—could one not imagine the loveliness of some garlanded +dance, and fancy the naïads, and the dryads, and all the hosts of Pan +gambolling at one’s heels?”</p> + +<p>“Really, Mrs. Temperley, you were not born for an English village. I +should like Mrs. Walker to hear you!”</p> + +<p>“Mrs. Walker knows better than to listen to me. She too hides somewhere, +deep down, a poor fettered thing that would gladly join the revel, if it +dared. We all do.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton dwelt joyously on the image of Mrs. Walker, cavorting, +garlanded, on a Greek slope, with the nymphs and water-sprites for +familiar company.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton had risen laughing, and proposed a stroll to Hadria.</p> + +<p>Henriette, who did not like the tone the conversation was taking, +desired to join them.</p> + +<p>“I never quite know how far you are serious, and how far you are just +amusing yourself, Hadria,” said Lady Engleton. “Our talking of Greece +reminds me of some remark you made the other day, about Helen. You +seemed to me almost to sympathize with her.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s eyes seemed to be looking across miles of sea to the sunny +Grecian land.</p> + +<p>“If a slave breaks his chains and runs, I am always glad,” she said.</p> + +<p>“I was talking about Helen.”</p> + +<p>“So was I. If a Spartan wife throws off her bondage and defies the laws +that insult her, I am still more glad.”</p> + +<p>“But not if she sins?” Henriette coughed, warningly.</p> + +<p>“Yes; if she sins.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, Hadria,” remonstrated Henriette, in despair.</p> + +<p>“I don’t see that it follows that Helen <em>did</em> sin, however; one does not +know much about her sentiments. She revolted against the tyranny that +held her shut in, enslaved, body and soul, in that wonderful Greek world +of hers. I am charmed to think that she gave her countrymen so much +trouble to assert her husband’s right of ownership. It was at <em>his</em> +door that the siege of Troy ought to be laid. I only wish elopements +always caused as much commotion!” Lady Engleton laughed, and Miss +Temperley tried to catch Hadria’s eye.</p> + +<p>“Well, that <em>is</em> a strange idea! And do you really think Helen did not +sin? Seriously now.”</p> + +<p>“I don’t know. There is no evidence on that point.” Lady Engleton +laughed again.</p> + +<p>“You do amuse me. Assuming that Helen did not sin, I suppose you would +(if only for the sake of paradox) accuse the virtuous Greek matrons—who +sat at home, and wove, and span, and bore children—of sinning against +the State!”</p> + +<p>“Certainly,” said Hadria, undismayed. “It was they who insidiously +prepared the doom for their country, as they wove and span and bore +children, with stupid docility. As surely as an enemy might undermine +the foundations of a city till it fell in with a crash, so surely they +brought ruin upon Greece.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, Hadria, you are quite beside yourself to-day!” cried Henriette.</p> + +<p>“A love of paradox will lead you far!” said Lady Engleton. “We have +always been taught to think a nation sound and safe whose women were +docile and domestic.”</p> + +<p>“What nation, under those conditions, has ever failed to fall in with a +mighty crash, like my undermined city? Greece herself could not hold +out. Ah, yes; we have our revenge! a sweet, sweet revenge!”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton was looking much amused and a little dismayed, when she +and her companions rejoined the party.</p> + +<p>“I never heard anyone say so many dreadful things in so short a space of +time,” she cried. “You are distinctly shocking.”</p> + +<p>“I am frank,” said Hadria. “I fancy we should all go about with our hair +permanently on end, if we spoke out in chorus.”</p> + +<p>“I don’t quite like to hear you say that, Hadria.”</p> + +<p>“I mean no harm—merely that every one thinks thoughts and feels +impulses that would be startling if expressed in speech. Don’t we all +know how terrifying a thing speech is, and thought? a chartered +libertine.”</p> + +<p>“Why, you are saying almost exactly what Professor Theobald said the +other day, and we were so shocked.”</p> + +<p>“And yet my meaning has scarcely any relation to his,” Hadria hastened +to say. “He meant to drag down all belief in goodness by reminding us of +dark moments and hours; by placarding the whole soul with the name of +some shadow that moves across it, I sometimes think from another world, +some deep under-world that yawns beneath us and sends up blackness and +fumes and strange cries.” Hadria’s eyes had wandered far away. “Are you +never tormented by an idea, an impression that you know does not belong +to you?”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton gave a startled negative. “Professor Fortescue, come and +tell me what you think of this strange doctrine?”</p> + +<p>“If we had to be judged by our freedom from rushes of evil impulse, +rather than by our general balance of good and evil wishing, I think +those would come out best, who had fewest thoughts and feelings of any +kind to record.” The subject attracted a small group.</p> + +<p>“Unless goodness is only a negative quality,” Valeria pointed out, “a +mere <em>absence</em>, it must imply a soul that lives and struggles, and if it +lives and struggles, it is open to the assaults of the devil.”</p> + +<p>“Yes, and it is liable to go under too sometimes, one must not forget,” +said Hadria, “although most people profess to believe so firmly in the +triumph of the best—how I can’t conceive, since the common life of +every day is an incessant harping on the moral: the smallest, meanest, +poorest, thinnest, vulgarest qualities in man and woman are those +selected for survival, in the struggle for existence.”</p> + +<p>There was a cry of remonstrance from idealists.</p> + +<p>“But what else do we mean when we talk by common consent of the world’s +baseness, harshness, vulgarity, injustice? It means surely—and think of +it!—that it is composed of men and women with the best of them killed +out, as a nerve burnt away by acid; a heart won over to meaner things +than it set out beating for; a mind persuaded to nibble at edges of dry +crust that might have grown stout and serviceable on generous diet, and +mellow and inspired with noble vintage.”</p> + +<p>“You really are shockingly Bacchanalian to-day,” cried Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed. “Metaphorically, I am a toper. The wonderful clear +sparkle, the subtle flavour, the brilliancy of wine, has for me a +strange fascination; it seems to signify so much in life that women +lose.”</p> + +<p>“True. What beverage should one take as a type of what they gain by the +surrender?” asked Lady Engleton, who was disposed to hang back towards +orthodoxy, in the presence of her uncompromising neighbour.</p> + +<p>“Oh, toast and water!” replied Hadria.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXII" id="CHAPTER_XXXII"></a>Part III.</h2> + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXXII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">THE speed was glorious. Back flashed field and hill and copse, and the +dear “companionable hedgeways.” Back flew iterative telegraph posts with +Herculean swing, into the Past, looped together in rhythmic movement, +marking the pulses of old Time. On, with rack and roar, into the +mysterious Future. One could sit at the window and watch the machinery +of Time’s foundry at work; the hammers of his forge beating, beating, +the wild sparks flying, the din and chaos whirling round one’s +bewildered brain;—Past becoming Present, Present melting into Future, +before one’s eyes. To sit and watch the whirring wheels; to think “Now +it is thus and thus; presently, another slice of earth and sky awaits +me”—ye Gods, it is not to be realized!</p> + +<p>The wonder of the flying land—England, England with her gentle +homesteads, her people of the gentle voices; and the unknown wonder of +that other land, soon to change its exquisite dream-features for the +still more thrilling, appealing marvel of reality—could it all be true? +Was this the response of the genius of the ring, the magic ring that we +call <em>will</em>? And would the complaisant genius always appear and obey +one’s behests, in this strange fashion?</p> + +<p>Thoughts ran on rhythmically, in the steady, flashing movement through +verdant England. The Real! <em>that</em> was the truly exquisite, the truly +great, the true realm of the imagination! What imagination was ever born +to conceive or compass it?</p> + +<p>A rattle under a bridge, a roar through a tunnel, and on again, through +Kentish orchards. A time of blossoming. Disjointed, delicious +impressions followed one another in swift succession, often +superficially incoherent, but threaded deep, in the stirred +consciousness, on a silver cord:—the unity of the creation was as +obvious as its multiplicity.</p> + +<p>Images of the Past joined hands with visions of the Future. In these +sweet green meadows, men had toiled, as thralls, but a few lifetimes +ago, and they had gathered together, as Englishmen do, first to protest +and reasonably demand, and then to buy their freedom with their lives. +Their countrywoman sent a message of thanksgiving, backward through the +centuries, to these stout champions of the land’s best heritage, and +breathed an aspiration to be worthy of the kinship that she claimed.</p> + +<p>The rattle and roar grew into a symphony—full, rich, magnificent, and +then, with a rush, came a stirring musical conception: it seized the +imagination.</p> + +<p>Oh, why were they stopping? It was a little country station, but many +passengers were on the platform. A careworn looking woman and a little +girl entered the carriage, and the little girl fixed her eyes on her +fellow-traveller with singular persistence. Then the more practical +features of the occasion came into view, and all had an enthralling +quality of reality—poetry. The sound of the waiting engine breathing +out its white smoke into the brilliant air, the powerful creature +quiescent but ready, with the turn of a handle, to put forth its +slumbering might; the crunching of footsteps on the gravel, the +wallflowers and lilacs in the little station garden, the blue of the +sky, and ah! the sweetness of the air when one leant out to look along +the interminable straight line of rails, leading—whither? Even the very +details of one’s travelling gear: the tweed gown meet for service, the +rug and friendly umbrella, added to the feeling of overflowing +satisfaction. The little girl stared more fixedly than ever. A smile and +the offer of a flower made her look down, for a minute, but the gaze was +resumed. Wherefore? Was the inward tumult too evident in the face? +Well, no matter. The world was beautiful and wide!</p> + +<p>The patient monster began to move again, with a gay whistle, as if he +enjoyed this chase across country, on the track of Time. He was soon at +full speed again, on his futile race: a hapless idealist in pursuit of +lost dreams. The little girl watched the dawn of a smile on the face of +the kind, pretty lady who had given her the flower. A locomotive +figuring as an idealist! Where would one’s fancy lead one to next?</p> + +<p>Ah the sea! heaving busily, and flashing under the morning radiance. +Would they have a good crossing? The wind was fresh. How dreamy and +bright and windy the country looked, and how salt was the sea-breeze! +Very soon they would arrive at Folkestone. Rugs and umbrellas and +handbags must be collected. The simple, solid commonplace of it all, +touched some wholesome spring of delight. What a speed the train was +going at! One could scarcely stand in the jolting carriage. Old Time +must not make too sure of his victory. One felt a wistful partisanship +for his snorting rival, striving for ever to accomplish the impossible. +The labouring visionary was not without significance to aspiring +mortals.</p> + +<p>The outskirts of the town were coming in sight; grey houses bleakly +climbing chalky heights. It would be well to put on a thick overcoat at +once. It was certain to be cold in the Channel.</p> + +<p>Luckily Hannah had a head on her shoulders, and could be trusted to +follow the directions that had been given her.</p> + +<p>The last five minutes seemed interminable, but they did come to an end. +There was an impression of sweet salt air, of wind and voices, of a +hurrying crowd; occasionally a French sentence pronounced by one of the +officials, reminiscent of a thousand dreams and sights of foreign lands; +and then the breezy quay and waiting steamboat.</p> + +<p>The sound of that quiet, purposeful hiss of the steam sent a thrill +along the nerves. Hannah and her charge were safely on board; the small +luggage followed, and lastly Hadria traversed the narrow bridge, +wondering when the moment would arrive for waking up and finding herself +in her little bedroom at Craddock Dene? What was she thinking of? Dream? +<em>This</em> was no dream, this bold, blue, dancing water, this living +sunshine, this salt and savour and movement and brilliancy!</p> + +<p>The <em>other</em> was the dream; it seemed to be drifting away already. The +picture of the village and the house and the meadows, and the low line +of the hills was recalled as through a veil; it would not stand up and +face the emphatic present. At the end of a few months, would there be +anything left of her connexion with the place where she had passed +six—seven years of her life? and such years! They had put scars on her +soul, as deep and ghastly as ever red-hot irons had marked on tortured +flesh. Perhaps it was because of this rabid agony undergone, that now +she seemed to have scarcely any clinging to her home,—for the present +at any rate. And she knew that she left only sorrow for conventional +disasters behind her. The joy of freedom and its intoxication drowned +every other feeling. It was sheer relief to be away, to stretch oneself +in mental liberty and leisure, to look round at earth and sky and the +hurrying crowds, in quiet enjoyment; to possess one’s days, one’s +existence for the first time, in all these long years! It was as the +home-coming of a dispossessed heir. This freedom did not strike her as +strange, but as obvious, as familiar. It was the first condition of a +life that was worth living. And yet never before had she known it. +Ernest and Fred and even Austin had enjoyed it from boyhood, and in far +greater completeness than she could ever hope to possess it, even now.</p> + +<p>Yet even this limited, this comparative freedom, which a man could +afford to smile at, was intoxicating. Heavens! under what a leaden cloud +of little obligations and restraints, and loneliness and pain, she had +been living! And for what purpose? To make obeisance to a phantom +public, not because she cared one iota for the phantom or its opinions, +but because husband and parents and relations were terrified at the +prospect of a few critical and disapproving remarks, that they would not +even hear! How mad it all was! It was not true feeling, not affection, +that prompted Hubert’s opposition; it was not care for his real +happiness that inspired Henriette with such ardour in this cause; they +would both be infinitely happier and more harmonious in Hadria’s +absence. The whole source of their distress was the fear of what people +would say when the separation became known to the world. That was the +beginning and the end of the matter. Why could not the stupid old world +mind its own business, in heaven’s name? Good people, especially good +women of the old type, would all counsel the imbecile sacrifice. They +would all condemn this step. Indeed, the sacrifice that Hadria had +refused to make, was so common, so much a matter of course, that her +refusal appeared startling and preposterous: scarcely less astonishing +than if a neighbour at dinner, requesting one to pass the salt, had been +met with a rude “I shan’t.”</p> + +<p>“A useful phrase at times, of the nature of a tonic, amidst our +enervating civilisation,” she reflected.</p> + +<p>There was a tramping of passengers up and down the deck. People walked +obliquely, with head to windward. Draperies fluttered; complexions +verged towards blue. Only two ladies who had abandoned hope from the +beginning, suffered from the crossing. The kindly sailors occupied their +leisure in bringing tarpaulins to the distressed.</p> + +<p>“Well, Hannah, how are you getting on?”</p> + +<p>Hannah looked forward ardently to the end of the journey, but her charge +seemed delighted with the new scene.</p> + +<p>“Have you ever been to France before, ma’am?” Hannah asked, perhaps +noticing the sparkle of her employer’s eye and the ring in her voice.</p> + +<p>“Yes, once; I spent a week in Paris with Mr. Temperley, and we went on +afterwards to the Pyrenees. That was just before we took the Red House.”</p> + +<p>“It must have been beautiful,” said Hannah. “And did you take the +babies, ma’am?”</p> + +<p>“They were neither of them in existence then,” replied Mrs. Temperley. A +strange fierce light passed through her eyes for a second, but Hannah +did not notice it. Martha’s shawl was blowing straight into her eyes, +and the nurse was engaged in arranging it more comfortably.</p> + +<p>The coast of France had become clear, some time ago; they were making +the passage very quickly to-day. Soon the red roofs of Boulogne were to +be distinguished, with the grey dome of the cathedral on the hill-top. +Presently, the boat had arrived in the bright old town, and every detail +of outline and colour was standing forth brilliantly, as if the whole +scene had been just washed over with clear water and all the tints were +wet.</p> + +<p>The first impression was keen. The innumerable differences from English +forms and English tones sprang to the eye. A whiff of foreign smell and +a sound of foreign speech reached the passengers at about the same +moment. The very houses looked unfamiliarly built, and even the letters +of printed names of hotels and shops had a frivolous, spindly +appearance—elegant but frail. The air was different from English air. +Some <em>bouillon</em> and a slice of fowl were very acceptable at the +restaurant at the station, after the business of examining the luggage +was over. Hannah, evidently nourishing a sense of injury against the +natives for their eccentric jargon, and against the universe for the +rush and discomfort of the last quarter of an hour, was disposed to +express her feelings by a marked lack of relish for her food. She +regarded Hadria’s hearty appetite with a disdainful expression. Martha +ate bread and butter and fruit. She was to have some milk that had been +brought for her, when they were <em>en route</em> again.</p> + +<p>“<em>Tout le monde en voiture!</em>” Within five minutes, the train was +puffing across the wastes of blowing sand that ran along the coast, +beyond the town. The child, who had become accustomed to the noise and +movement, behaved better than had been expected. She seemed to take +pleasure in looking out of the window at the passing trees. Hannah was +much struck with this sign of awakening intelligence. It was more than +the good nurse showed herself. She scarcely condescended to glance at +the panorama of French fields, French hills and streams that were +rushing by. How pale and ethereal they were, these Gallic coppices and +woodlands! And with what a dainty lightness the foliage spread itself to +the sun, French to its graceful finger-tips! That grey old house, with +high lichen-stained roof and narrow windows—where but in sunny France +could one see its like?—and the little farmsteads and villages, full of +indescribable charm. One felt oneself in a land of artists. There was no +inharmonious, no unfitting thing anywhere. Man had wedded himself to +Nature, and his works seemed to receive her seal and benediction. +English landscape was beautiful, and it had a particular charm to be +found nowhere else in the world; but in revenge, there was something +here that England could not boast. Was it fanciful to see in the +characteristics of vegetation and scenery, the origin or expression of +the difference of the two races at their greatest?</p> + +<p>“Ah, if I were only a painter!”</p> + +<p>They were passing some fields where, in the slanting rays of the sun, +peasants in blue blouses and several women were bending over their toil. +It was a subject often chosen by French artists. Hadria understood why. +One of the labourers stood watching the train, and she let her eyes rest +on the patient figure till she was carried beyond his little world. If +she could have painted that scene just as she saw it, all the sadness +and mystery of the human lot would have stood forth eloquently in form +and colour; these a magic harmony, not without some inner kinship with +the spirit of man at its noblest.</p> + +<p>What was he thinking, that toil-bent peasant, as the train flashed by? +What tragedy or comedy was he playing on his rural stage? Hadria sat +down and shut her eyes, dazzled by the complex mystery and miracle of +life, and almost horrified at the overwhelming thought of the millions +of these obscure human lives burning themselves out, everywhere, at +every instant, like so many altar-candles to the unknown God!</p> + +<p>“And each one of them takes himself as seriously as I take myself: +perhaps more seriously. Ah, if one could but pause to smile at one’s +tragic moments, or still better, at one’s sublime ones. But it can’t be +done. A remembrancer would have to be engaged, to prevent lapses into +the sublime,—and how furious one would be when he nudged one, with his +eternal: ‘Beware!’”</p> + +<p>It was nearly eight o’clock when the train plunged among the myriad +lights of the great city. The brilliant beacon of the Eiffel Tower sat +high up in the sky, like an exile star.</p> + +<p>Gaunt and grim was the vast station, with its freezing purplish electric +light. Yet even here, to Hadria’s stirred imagination, there was a +certain quality in the Titanic building, which removed it from the +vulgarity of English utilitarian efforts of the same order.</p> + +<p>In a fanciful mood, one might imagine a tenth circle of the Inferno, +wherein those stern grey arches should loftily rise, in blind and +endless sequence, limbing an abode of horror, a place of punishment for +those, empty-hearted, who had lived without colour and sunshine, in +voluntary abnegation, caring only for gain and success.</p> + +<p>The long delay in the examination of the luggage, the fatigue of the +journey, tended to increase the disposition to regard the echoing +edifice, with its cold hollow reverberations, as a Circle of the Doomed. +It was as if they passed from the realm of the Shades through the Gates +of Life, when at length the cab rattled out of the courtyard of the +station, and turned leftwards into the brilliant streets of Paris. It +was hard to realize that all this stir and light and life had been going +on night after night, for all these years, during which one had sat in +the quiet drawing-room at Craddock Dene, trying wistfully, hopelessly, +to grasp the solid fact of an unknown vast reality, through a record +here and there. The journey was a long one to the Rue Boissy d’Anglas, +but tired as she was, Hadria did not wish it shorter. Even Hannah was +interested in the brilliantly lighted shops and <em>cafés</em> and the +splendour of the boulevards. Now and again, the dark deserted form of a +church loomed out, lonely, amidst the gaiety of Parisian street-life. +Some electric lamp threw a distant gleam upon calm classic pillars, +which seemed to hold aloof, with a quality of reserve rarely to be +noticed in things Parisian. Hadria greeted it with a feeling of +gratitude.</p> + +<p>The great Boulevard was ablaze and swarming with life. The <em>cafés</em> were +full; the gilt and mirrors and the crowds of <em>consommateurs</em> within, all +visible as one passed along the street, while, under the awning outside, +crowds were sitting smoking, drinking, reading the papers.</p> + +<p>Was it really possible that only this morning, those quiet English +fields had been dozing round one, those sleepy villagers spreading their +slow words out, in expressing an absence of idea, over the space of time +in which a Parisian conveyed a pocket philosophy?</p> + +<p>The cabman directed his vehicle down the Rue Royale, passing the stately +Madeleine, with its guardian sycamores, and out into the windy +spaciousness of the Place de la Concorde.</p> + +<p>A wondrous city! Hannah pointed out the electric light of the Eiffel +Tower to her charge, and Martha put out her small hands, demanding the +toy on the spot.</p> + +<p>The festooned lights of the Champs Elysées swung themselves up, in +narrowing line, till they reached the pompous arch at the summit, and +among the rich trees of those Elysian fields gleamed the festive lamps +of <em>cafés chantants</em>.</p> + +<p>“<em>Si Madame désire encore quelque chose?</em>” The neat maid, in picturesque +white cap and apron, stood with her hand on the door of the little +bedroom, on one of the highest storeys of the <em>pension</em>. Half of one of +the long windows had been set open, and the sounds of the rolling of +vehicles over the smooth asphalte, mingled with those of voices, were +coming up, straight and importunate, into the dainty bedroom. The very +sounds seemed nearer and clearer in this keen-edged land. The bed stood +in one corner, canopied with white and blue; a thick carpet gave a sense +of luxury and deadened the tramp of footsteps; a marble mantel-piece was +surmounted by a mirror, and supported a handsome bronze clock and two +bronze ornaments. The furniture was of solid mahogany. A nameless French +odour pervaded the atmosphere, delicate, subtle, but unmistakeable. And +out of the open window, one could see a series of other lighted windows, +all of exactly the same tall graceful design, opening in the middle by +the same device and the same metal handle that had to be turned in order +to open or close the window. Within, the rooms obviously modelled +themselves on the one unvarying ideal. A few figures could be seen +coming and going, busy at work or play. Above the steep roofs, a +blue-black sky was alive with brilliant stars.</p> + +<p>“<em>Merci;</em>” Madame required nothing more.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXIII" id="CHAPTER_XXXIII"></a>CHAPTER XXXIII.</h2> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i14">“... Rushes life on a race<br /></span> +<span class="i15">As the clouds the clouds chase;<br /></span> +<span class="i18">And we go,<br /></span> +<span class="i13">And we drop like the fruits of the tree,<br /></span> +<span class="i18">Even we,<br /></span> +<span class="i18">Even so.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + + +<p class="cap">JUST at first, it was a sheer impossibility to do anything but bask and +bathe in the sunny present, to spend the days in wandering incredulously +through vernal Paris, over whose bursting freshness and brilliancy the +white clouds seemed to be driven, with the same joy of life. The city +was crammed; the inhabitants poured forth in swarms to enjoy, in true +French fashion, the genial warmth and the universal awakening after the +long capricious winter. It was actually hot in the sun, and fresh light +clothing became a luxury, like a bath after a journey. The year had +raised its siege, and there was sudden amity between man and Nature. +Shrivelled man could relax the tension of resistance to cold and damp +and change, and go forth into the sun with cordial <em>insouciance</em>. In +many of the faces might be read this kindly amnesty, although there were +some so set and fixed with past cares that not even the soft hand of a +Parisian spring could smooth away the lines, or even touch the spirit.</p> + +<p>These Hadria passed with an aching pity. Circumstance had been to them a +relentless taskmaster. Perhaps they had not rubbed the magic ring of +will, and summoned the obedient genius. Perhaps circumstance had +forbidden them even the rag wherewith to rub—or the impulse.</p> + +<p>Sallying forth from the <em>pension</em>, Hadria would sometimes pause, for a +moment, at the corner of the street, where it opened into the Place de +la Concorde, irresolute, because of the endless variety of possible ways +to turn, and places to visit. She seldom made definite plans the day +before, unless it were for the pleasure of changing them. The letter of +introduction to Madame Vauchelet had remained unpresented. The sense of +solitude, combined for the first time with that of freedom, was too +delightful to forego. One must have time to realize and appreciate the +sudden calm and serenity; the sudden absence of claims and obstructions +and harassing criticisms. Heavens, what a price people consented to pay +for the privilege of human ties! what hard bargains were driven in the +kingdom of the affections! Thieves, extortionists, usurers—and in the +name of all the virtues!</p> + +<p>“Yes, solitude has charms!” Hadria inwardly exclaimed, as she stood +watching the coming and going of people, the spouting of fountains, the +fluttering of big sycamore leaves in the Champs Elysées.</p> + +<p>Unhappily, the solitude made difficulties. But meanwhile there was a +large field to be explored, where these difficulties did not arise, or +could be guarded against. Her sex was a troublesome obstruction. “One +does not come of centuries of chattel-women for nothing!” she wrote to +Algitha. Society bristled with insults, conscious and unconscious. Nor +had one lived the brightest, sweetest years of one’s life tethered and +impounded, without feeling the consequences when the tether was cut. +There were dreads, shrinkings, bewilderments, confusions to encounter; +the difficulties of pilotage in unknown seas, of self-knowledge, and +guidance suddenly needed in new ranges of the soul; fresh temptations, +fresh possibilities to deal with; everything untested, the alphabet of +worldly experience yet to learn.</p> + +<p>But all this was felt with infinitely greater force a little later, when +the period of solitude was over, and Hadria found herself in the midst +of a little society whose real codes and ideas she had gropingly to +learn. Unfamiliar (in any practical sense) with life, even in her own +country, she had no landmarks or finger-posts, of any kind, in this new +land. Her sentiment had never been narrowly British, but now she +realized her nationality over-keenly; she felt herself almost +grotesquely English, and had a sense of insular clumsiness amidst a +uprightly, dexterous people. Conscious of a thousand illusive, but very +real differences in point of view, and in nature, between the two +nations, she had a baffled impression of walking among mysteries and +novelties that she could not grasp. She began to be painfully conscious +of the effects of the narrow life that she had led, and of the +limitations that had crippled her in a thousand ways hitherto scarcely +realized.</p> + +<p>“One begins to learn everything too late,” she wrote to Algitha. “This +ought all to have been familiar long ago. I don’t know anything about +the world in which I live. I have never before caught so much as a +distant glimpse of it. And even now there are strange thick wrappings +from the past that cling tight round and hold me aloof, strive as I may +to strip off that past-made personality, and to understand, by touch, +what things are made of. I feel as if I would risk anything in order to +really know that. Why should a woman treat herself as if she were +Dresden china? She is more or less insulted and degraded whatever +happens, especially if she obeys what our generation is pleased to call +the moral law. The more I see of life, the more hideous seems the +position that women hold in relation to the social structure, and the +more sickening the current nonsense that is talked about us and our +‘missions’ and ‘spheres.’ It is so feeble, so futile, to try to ornament +an essentially degrading fact. It is such insolence to talk to us—good +heavens, to <em>us!</em>—about holiness and sacredness, when men (to whom +surely a sense of humour has been denied) divide their women into two +great classes, both of whom they insult and enslave, insisting +peremptorily on the existence of each division, but treating one class +as private and the other as public property. One might as well talk to +driven cattle in the shambles about their ‘sacred mission’ as to women. +It is an added mockery, a gratuitous piece of insolence.”</p> + +<p>Having been, from childhood, more or less at issue with her +surroundings, Hadria had never fully realized their power upon her +personality. But now daily a fresh recognition of her continued +imprisonment, baffled her attempt to look at things with clear eyes. She +struggled to get round and beyond that past-fashioned self, not merely +in order to see truly, but in order to see at all. And in doing so, she +ran the risk of letting go what she might have done better to hold. She +felt painfully different from these people among whom she found herself. +Her very trick of pondering over things sent her spinning to hopeless +distances. They seemed to ponder so wholesomely little. Their +intelligence was devoted to matters of the moment; they were keen and +well-finished and accomplished. Hadria used to look at them in +astonishment. How did these quick-witted people manage to escape the +importunate inquisitive demon, the familiar spirit, who pursued her +incessantly with his queries and suggestions? He would stare up from +river and street and merry gardens; his haunting eyes looked mockingly +out of green realms of stirring foliage, and his voice was like a +sardonic echo to the happy voices of the children, laughing at their +play under the flickering shadows, of mothers discussing their cares and +interests, of men in blouses, at work by the water-side, or solemn, in +frock-coats, with pre-occupations of business and bread-winning. The +demon had his own reflections on all these seemingly ordinary matters, +and so bizarre were they at times, so startling and often so terrible, +that one found oneself shivering in full noontide, or smiling, or +thrilled with passionate pity at “the sad, strange ways of men.”</p> + +<p>It was sweet to stretch one’s cramped wings to the sun, to ruffle and +spread them, as a released bird will, but it was startling to find +already little stiff habits arisen, little creaks and hindrances never +suspected, that made flight in the high air not quite effortless and +serene.</p> + +<p>The Past is never past; immortal as the Gods, it lives enthroned in the +Present, and sets its limits and lays its commands.</p> + +<p>Cases have been known of a man blind from birth being restored to sight, +at mature age. For a time, the appearance of objects was strange and +incomprehensible. Their full meaning was not conveyed to him; they +remained riddles. He could not judge the difference between near and +far, between solid and liquid; he had no experience, dating from +childhood, of the apparent smallness of distant things, of the connexion +between the impression given to the touch by solids and their effect on +the eye. He had all these things to learn. A thousand trifling +associations, of which those with normal senses are scarcely conscious, +had to be stumblingly acquired, as a child learns to connect sound and +sight, in learning to read.</p> + +<p>Such were the changes of consciousness that Hadria found herself going +through; only realising each phase of the process after it was over, and +the previous confusion of vision had been itself revealed, by the newly +and often painfully acquired co-ordinating skill.</p> + +<p>But, as generally happens, in the course of passing from ignorance to +knowledge, the intermediate stage was chaotic. Objects loomed up large +and indistinct, as through a mist; vague forms drifted by, half +revealed, to melt away again; here and there were clear outlines and +solid impressions, to be deemed trustworthy and given a place of honour; +thence a disproportion in the general conception; it being almost beyond +human power to allow sufficiently for that which is unknown.</p> + +<p>For some time, however, the dominant impression on Hadria’s mind was of +her own gigantic ignorance. This ignorance was far more confusing and +even misleading than it had been when its proportions were less defined. +The faint twinkle of light revealed the dusky outline, bewildering and +discouraging the imagination. Intuitive knowledge was disturbed by the +incursion of scraps of disconnected experience. This condition of mind +made her an almost insoluble psychological problem. Since she was +evidently a woman of pronounced character, her bewilderment and +tentative attitude were not allowed for. Her actions were regarded as +deliberate and cool-headed, when often they would be the outcome of +sheer confusion, or chance, or perhaps of a groping experimental effort.</p> + +<p>The first three weeks in Paris had been given up to enjoying the new +conditions of existence. But now practical matters claimed consideration. +The <em>pension</em> in the Rue Boissy d’Anglas was not suitable as a permanent +abode. Rooms must be looked for, combining cheapness with a good situation, +within easy distance of the scene of Hadria’s future musical studies, and +also within reach of some park or gardens for Martha’s benefit.</p> + +<p>This ideal place of abode was at last found. It cost rather more than +Hadria had wished to spend on mere lodging, but otherwise it seemed +perfect. It was in a quiet street between the Champs Elysées and the +river. Two great thoroughfares ran, at a respectful distance, on either +side, with omnibuses always passing. Hadria could be set down within a +few minutes’ walk of the School of Music, or, if she liked to give the +time, could walk the whole way to her morning’s work, through some of +the most charming parts of Paris. As for Martha, she was richly provided +with playgrounds. The Bois could be quickly reached, and there were +always the Champs Elysées or the walk beneath the chestnuts by the +river, along the Cours de la Reine and the length of the quays. Even +Hannah thought the situation might do. Hadria had begun her studies at +the School of Music, and found the steady work not only a profound, +though somewhat stern enjoyment, but a solid backbone to her new +existence, giving it cohesion and form. Recreation deserved its name, +after work of this kind. Any lurking danger of too great speculative +restlessness disappeared. There had been a moment when the luxurious joy +of mere wandering observation and absorption, threatened to become +overwhelming, and to loosen some of the rivets of the character.</p> + +<p>But work was to the sum-total of impulse what the central weight was to +one of Martha’s toys: a leaden ballast that always brought the balance +right again, however wildly the little tyrant might swing the creature +off the perpendicular. When Hadria used to come in, pleasantly tired +with her morning’s occupation, and the wholesome heat of the sun, to +take her simple <em>déjeuner</em> in the little apartment with Martha, a +frivolous five minutes would often be spent by the two in endeavouring +to overcome the rigid principles of that well-balanced plaything. But +always the dead weight at its heart frustrated their attempts. Martha +played the most inconsiderate pranks with its centre of gravity, but +quite in vain. When a little French boy from the <em>étage</em> above was +allowed to come and play with Martha, she proceeded to experiment upon +<em>his</em> centre of gravity in the same way, and seemed much surprised when +Jean Paul Auguste not only howled indignantly, but didn’t swing up again +after he was overturned. He remained supine, and had to be reinstated by +Hadria and Hannah, and comforted with sweetmeats. Martha’s logic +received one of its first checks. She evidently made up her mind that +logic was a fallacious mode of inference, and determined to abandon it +for the future. These rebuffs in infancy, Hadria conjectured, might +account for much!</p> + +<p>About three weeks passed in almost pure enjoyment and peace; and then it +was discovered that the cost of living, in spite of an extremely simple +diet, was such as might have provided epicurean luxuries for a family of +ten. Hadria’s enquiries among her acquaintances elicited cries of +consternation. Obviously the landlady, who did the marketing, must be +cheating on a royal scale, and there was nothing for it but to move. +Hadria suggested to Madame Vauchelet, whose advice she always sought in +practical matters, that perhaps the landlady might be induced to pursue +her lucrative art in moderation; could she not put it honestly down in +the bill “Peculation—so much per week?”</p> + +<p>Madame Vauchelet was horrified. “Impossible!” she cried; one must seek +another apartment. If only Hannah understood French and could do the +marketing herself. But Hannah scorned the outlandish lingo, and had a +poor opinion of the nation as a whole.</p> + +<p>It was fatiguing and somewhat discouraging work to begin, all over +again, the quest of rooms, especially with the difficulty about the +landlady always in view, and no means of ascertaining her scale of +absorption. It really seemed a pity that it could not be mentioned as +an extra, like coal and lights. Then one would know what one was about. +This uncertain liability, with an extremely limited income, which was +likely to prove insufficient unless some addition could be made to it, +was trying to the nerves.</p> + +<p>In order to avoid too great anxiety, Hadria had to make up her mind to a +less attractive suite of rooms, farther out of town, and she found it +desirable to order many of the comestibles herself. Madame Vauchelet was +untiring in her efforts to help and advise. She initiated Hadria into +the picturesque mysteries of Parisian housekeeping. It was amusing to go +to the shops and markets with this shrewd Frenchwoman, and very +enlightening as to the method of living cheaply and well. Hadria began +to think wistfully of a more permanent <em>ménage</em> in this entrancing +capital, where there were still worlds within worlds to explore. She +questioned Madame Vauchelet as to the probable cost of a <em>femme de +ménage</em>. Madame quickly ran through some calculations and pronounced a +sum alluringly small. Since the landlady difficulty was so serious, and +made personal superintendence necessary, it seemed as if one might as +well have the greater comfort and independence of this more home-like +arrangement.</p> + +<p>Madame Vauchelet recommended an excellent woman who would cook and +market, and, with Hannah’s help, easily do all that was necessary. After +many calculations and consultations with Madame Vauchelet, Hadria +finally decided to rent, for three months, a cheerful little suite of +rooms near the Arc de Triomphe.</p> + +<p>Madame Vauchelet drank a cup of tea in the little <em>salon</em> with quiet +heroism, not liking to refuse Hadria’s offer of the friendly beverage. +But she wondered at the powerful physique of the nation that could +submit to the trial daily.</p> + +<p>Hadria was brimming over with pleasure in her new home, which breathed +Paris from every pore. She had already surrounded herself with odds and +ends of her own, with books and a few flowers. If only this venture +turned out well, how delightful would be the next few months. Hadria did +not clearly look beyond that time. To her, it seemed like a century. Her +only idea as to the farther future was an abstract resolve to let +nothing short of absolute compulsion persuade her to renounce her +freedom, or subject herself to conditions that made the pursuit of her +art impossible. How to carry out the resolve, in fact and detail, was a +matter to consider when the time came. If one were to consider future +difficulties as well as deal with immediate ones, into what crannies and +interstices were the affairs of the moment to be crammed?</p> + +<p>There has probably never been a human experience of even a few months of +perfect happiness, of perfect satisfaction with conditions, even among +the few men and women who know how to appreciate the bounty of Fate, +when she is generous, and to take the sting out of minor annoyances by +treating them lightly. Hadria was ready to shrug her shoulders at +legions of these, so long as the main current of her purpose were not +diverted. But she could not steel herself against the letters that she +received from England.</p> + +<p>Everyone was deeply injured but bravely bearing up. Her family was a +stricken and sorrowing family. Being naturally heroic, it said little +but thought the more. Relations whose names Hadria scarcely remembered, +seemed to have waked up at the news of her departure and claimed their +share of the woe. Obscure Temperleys raised astounded heads and +mourned. Henriette wrote that she was really annoyed at the way in which +everybody was talking about Hadria’s conduct. It was most uncomfortable. +She hoped Hadria was able to be happy. Hubert was ready to forgive her +and to receive her back, in spite of everything. Henriette entreated her +to return; for her own sake, for Hubert’s sake, for the children’s. They +were just going off to school, poor little boys. Henriette, although so +happy at the Red House, was terribly grieved at this sad misunderstanding. +It seemed so strange, so distressing. Henriette had thoroughly enjoyed +looking after dear Hubert and the sweet children. They were in splendid +health. She had been very particular about hygiene. Hubert and she had +seen a good deal of the Engletons lately. How charming Lady Engleton was! +So much tact. She was advanced in her ideas, only she never allowed them +to be intrusive. She seemed just like everybody else. She hated to make +herself conspicuous; the very ideal of a true lady, if one might use the +much-abused word. Professor Fortescue was reported to be still far from +well. Professor Theobald had not taken the Priory after all. It was too +large. It looked so deserted and melancholy now.</p> + +<p>Henriette always finished her letters with an entreaty to Hadria to +return. People were talking so. They suspected the truth; although, of +course, one had hoped that the separation would be supposed to be +temporary—as indeed Henriette trusted it would prove.</p> + +<p>Madame Bertaux, who had just returned from England to her beloved Paris, +reported to Hadria, when she called on the latter in her new abode, that +everyone was talking about the affair with as much eagerness as if the +fate of the empire had depended on it. Madame Bertaux recommended +indifference and silence. She observed, in her sharp, good-natured, +impatient way, that reforming confirmed drunkards, converting the +heathen, making saints out of sinners, or a silk purse out of a sow’s +ear, would be mere child’s play compared with the task of teaching the +average idiot to mind his own business.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXIV" id="CHAPTER_XXXIV"></a>CHAPTER XXXIV.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">THE new <em>ménage</em> went well. Therése was a treasure, and Martha’s willing +slave. Expenses were kept fairly reasonable by her care and knowledge. +Still it must not be forgotten that the little income needed supplementing. +Hadria had been aware of this risk from the first, but had faced it, +regarding it as the less perilous of the alternatives that she had to +choose between. The income was small, but it was her own absolutely, and +she must live on that, with such auxiliary sums as she could earn. She +hoped to be able to make a little money by her compositions. The future +was all vague and unknown, but one thing was at least certain: it cost +money to live, and in some way or other it had to be made. She told her +kind friend, Madame Vauchelet, of her plan. Madame Vauchelet consulted her +musical friends. People were sympathetic, but rather vague in their advice. +It was always difficult, this affair. The beginning was hard. M. Thillard, +a kindly, highly-cultivated man of about sixty, who had heard Hadria play, +took great interest in her talent, and busied himself on her behalf.</p> + +<p>He said he would like to interest the great Jouffroy in this work. It +had so distinct and remarkable an individuality that M. Thillard was +sure Jouffroy would be enchanted with it. For himself, he held that it +shewed a development of musical form and expression extremely +remarkable. He could not quite understand it. There was, he knew not +what, in it, of strange and powerful; a music of the North; something of +bizarre, something of mysterious, even of terrible, “<em>une emotion +épouvantable</em>,” cried M. Thillard, working himself to a climax as the +theme inspired him, “There is genius in that work, but certainly +genius.” Madame Vauchelet nodded gravely at this pronouncement. It ought +to be published, she said. But this supreme recompense of genius was +apparently hard to achieve. The score was sent from publisher to +publisher: “from pillar to post,” said Hadria, “if one might venture on +a phrase liable to misconstruction on the lips of disappointed +ambition.”</p> + +<p>But at the end of a long and wearisome delay, the little packet was +returned in a tattered condition to its discouraged author. M. Thillard +made light of this. It was always thus at first. One must have patience.</p> + +<p>“One must live,” said Hadria, “or at least such is the prejudice under +which one has been brought up.”</p> + +<p>“All will come,” said M. Thillard. “You will see.”</p> + +<p>On one sunny afternoon, when Hadria had returned, thrilled and inspired +by a magnificent orchestral performance at the Châtelet, she found +Madame Vauchelet, M. Thillard, and the great Jouffroy waiting in her +<em>salon</em>. Jouffroy was small, eccentric, fiery, with keen eager eyes, +thick black hair, and overhanging brows. M. Thillard reminded Madame +Temperley of her kind permission to present to her M. Jouffroy. Madame +Temperley was charmed and flattered by Monsieur’s visit.</p> + +<p>It was an exciting afternoon. Madame Vauchelet was eager to hear the +opinion of the great man, and anxious for Hadria to make a good +impression.</p> + +<p>The warm-hearted Frenchwoman, who had lost a daughter, of whom Hadria +reminded her, had been untiring in her kindness, from the first. Madame +Vauchelet, in her young days, had cherished a similar musical ambition, +and Jouffroy always asserted that she might have done great things, as a +performer, had not the cares of a family put an end to all hope of +bringing her gifts to fruition.</p> + +<p>The piano was opened. Jouffroy played. Madame Vauchelet, with her large +veil thrown back, her black cashmere folds falling around her, sat in +the large arm-chair, a dignified and graceful figure, listening gravely. +The kindly, refined face of M. Thillard beamed with enjoyment; an +occasional cry of admiration escaping his lips, at some exquisite touch +from the master.</p> + +<p>The time slipped by, with bewildering rapidity.</p> + +<p>Monsieur Thillard asked if they might be allowed to hear some of Madame’s +compositions—those which she had already been so amiable as to play to him.</p> + +<p>Jouffroy settled himself to listen; his shaggy eyebrows lowering over +his eyes, not in severity but in fixity of attention. Hadria trembled +for a moment, as her hands touched the keys. Jouffroy gave a nod of +satisfaction. If there had been no such quiver of nerves he would have +doubted. So he said afterwards to M. Thillard and Madame Vauchelet.</p> + +<p>After listening, for a time, without moving a muscle, he suddenly sat +bolt upright and looked round at the player. The character of the music, +always individual, had grown more marked, and at this point an effect +was produced which appeared to startle the musician. He withdrew his +gaze, after a moment, muttering something to himself, and resumed his +former attitude, slowly and gravely nodding his head. There was a long +silence after the last of the lingering, questioning notes had died +away.</p> + +<p>“Is Madame prepared for work, for hard, faithful work?”</p> + +<p>The answer was affirmative. She was only too glad to have the chance to +work.</p> + +<p>“Has Madame inexhaustible patience?”</p> + +<p>“In this cause—yes.”</p> + +<p>“And can she bear to be misunderstood; to be derided for departure from +old rules and conventions; to have her work despised and refused, and +again refused, till at last the dull ears shall be opened and all the +stupid world shall run shouting to her feet?”</p> + +<p>The colour rushed into Hadria’s cheeks. “<em>Voila!</em>” exclaimed Madame +Vauchelet. M. Thillard beamed with satisfaction. “Did I not tell you?”</p> + +<p>Jouffroy clapped his friend on the back with enthusiasm. “<em>Il faut +travailler</em>,” he said, “<em>mais travailler!</em>” He questioned Hadria +minutely as to her course of study, approved it on the whole, suggesting +alterations and additions. He asked to look through some more of her +work.</p> + +<p>“<em>Mon Dieu</em>,” he ejaculated, as his quick eye ran over page after page.</p> + +<p>“If Madame has a character as strong as her genius, her name will one +day be on the lips of all the world.” He looked at her searchingly.</p> + +<p>“I knew it!” exclaimed M. Thillard. “<em>Madame, je vous félicite.</em>”</p> + +<p>“Ah!” cried Jouffroy, with a shake of his black shaggy head, “this is +not a fate to be envied. <em>C’est dur!</em>”</p> + +<p>“I am bewildered!” cried Hadria at last, in a voice that seemed to her +to come from somewhere a long way off. The whole scene had acquired the +character of a dream. The figures moved through miles of clear distance. +Her impressions were chaotic. While a strange, deep confirmation of the +musician’s words, seemed to stir within her as if they had long been +familiar, her mind entirely refused credence.</p> + +<p>He had gone too far. Had he said a remarkable talent, but——</p> + +<p>Yet was it not, after all, possible? Nature scattered her gifts wildly +and cruelly: cruelly, because she cared not into what cramped nooks and +crannies she poured her maddening explosive: cruelly, because she hurled +this fire from heaven with indiscriminate hand, to set alight one dared +not guess how many chained martyrs at their stakes. Nature did not pick +and choose the subjects of her wilful ministrations. She seemed to +scatter at random, out of sheer <em>gaieté de coeur</em>, as Jouffroy had said, +and if some golden grain chanced to be gleaming in this soul or that, +what cause for astonishment? The rest might be the worst of dross. As +well might the chance occur to one of Nature’s children as to another. +She did not bestow even one golden grain for nothing, <em>bien sûr</em>; she +meant to be paid back with interest. Just one bright bead of the whole +vast circlet of the truth: perhaps it was hers, but more likely that +these kind friends had been misled by their sympathy.</p> + +<p>M. Jouffroy came next day to have a long talk with Hadria about her work +and her methods. He was absolutely confident of what he had said, but he +was emphatic regarding the necessity for work; steady, uninterrupted +work. Everything must be subservient to the one aim. If she contemplated +anything short of complete dedication to her art—well (he shrugged his +shoulders), it would be better to amuse herself. There could be no +half-measures with art. True, there were thousands of people who +practised a little of this and a little of that, but Art would endure no +such disrespect. It was the affair of a lifetime. He had known many +women with great talent, but, alas! they had not persistence. Only last +year a charming, beautiful young woman, with—<em>mon Dieu!</em>—a talent that +might have placed her on the topmost rank of singers, had married +against the fervent entreaties of Jouffroy, and now—he shrugged his +shoulders with a gesture of pitying contempt—“<em>elle est mère tout +simplement</em>.” Her force had gone from herself into the plump infant, +whose “<em>cris dechirants</em>” were all that now remained to the world of his +mother’s once magnificent voice. <em>Hélas!</em> how many brilliant careers had +he not seen ruined by this fatal instinct! Jouffroy’s passion for his +art had overcome the usual sentiment of the Frenchman, and even the +strain of Jewish blood. He did not think a woman of genius well lost for +a child. He grudged her to the fetish <em>la famille</em>. He went so far as to +say that, even without the claims of genius, a woman ought to be +permitted to please herself in the matter. When he heard that Madame had +two children, and yet had not abandoned her ambition, he nodded gravely +and significantly.</p> + +<p>“But Madame has courage,” he commented. “She must have braved much +censure.”</p> + +<p>It was the first case of the kind that had come under his notice. He +hoped much from it. His opinion of the sex would depend on Hadria’s +power of persistence. In consequence of numberless pupils who had shewn +great promise, and then had satisfied themselves with “a stupid +maternity,” Jouffroy was inclined to regard women with contempt, not as +regards their talent, which he declared was often astonishing, but as +regards their persistency of character and purpose.</p> + +<p>One could not rely on them. They had enthusiasm—Oh, but enthusiasm <em>à +faire peur</em>, but presently “<em>un monsieur avec des moustaches +seduisantes</em>” approaches, and then “<em>Phui, c’est tout fini!</em>” There was +something of fatality in the affair. The instinct was terrible; a +demoniacal possession. It was for women a veritable curse, a disease. M. +Jouffroy had pronounced views on the subject. He regarded the maternal +instinct as the scourge of genius. It was, for women, the devil’s +truncheon, his rod of empire. This “reproductive rage” held them—in +spite of all their fine intuitions and astonishing ability—after all on +the animal plane; cut them off from the little band of those who could +break up new ground in human knowledge, and explore new heights of Art +and Nature.</p> + +<p>“I speak to you thus, Madame, not because I think little of your sex, +but because I grudge them to the monster who will not spare us even +one!”</p> + +<p>Hadria worked with sufficient energy to please even Jouffroy. Her heart +was in it, and her progress rapid. Everything was organized, in her +life, for the one object. At the School of Music, she was in an +atmosphere of work, everyone being bent on the same goal, each detail +arranged to further the students in their efforts. It was like walking +on a pavement after struggling uphill on loose sand; like breathing +sea-breezes after inhaling a polluted atmosphere.</p> + +<p>In old days, Hadria used to be haunted by a singular recurrent +nightmare: that she was toiling up a steep mountain made of hard +slippery rock, the summit always receding as she advanced. Behind her +was a vast precipice down which she must fall if she lost her footing; +and always, she saw hands without bodies attached to them placing stones +in the path, so that they rolled down and had to be evaded at the peril +of her life. And each time, after one set of stones was evaded, and she +thought there would be a time of respite, another batch was set rolling, +amid thin, scarcely audible laughter, which came on the storm-wind that +blew precipice-wards across the mountain; and invariably she awoke just +as a final avalanche of cruel stones had sent her reeling over the +hideous verge.</p> + +<p>One is disposed to make light of the sufferings gone through in a dream, +though it would trouble most of us to explain why, since the agony of +mind is often as extreme as possibly could be endured in actual life. +From the day of her arrival in Paris, Hadria was never again tormented +with this nightmare.</p> + +<p>Composition went on rapidly now. Soon there was a little pile of new +work for M. Jouffroy’s inspection. He was delighted, criticizing +severely, but always encouraging to fresh efforts. As for the +publishing, that was a different matter. In spite of M. Jouffroy’s +recommendation, publishers could not venture on anything of a character +so unpopular. The music had merit, but it was eccentric. M. Jouffroy was +angry. He declared that he would play something of Madame’s at the next +Châtelet concert. There would be opposition, but he would carry his +point. And he did. But the audience received it very coldly. Although +Hadria had expected such a reception, she felt a chill run through her, +and a sinking of the heart. It was like a cold word that rebuffs an +offer of sympathy, or an appeal for it. It sent her back into depths of +loneliness, and reminded her how cut off she was from the great majority +of her fellows, after all. And then Guy de Maupassant’s dreadful +“Solitude” came to her memory. There is no way (the hero of the sketch +asserts) by which a man can break the eternal loneliness to which he is +foredoomed. He cannot convey to others his real impressions or emotion, +try as he may. By a series of assertions, hard to deny, the hero arrives +at a terrible conclusion amounting to this: Art, affection, are in +vain; we know not what we say, nor whom we love.</p> + +<p>Jouffroy came out of the theatre, snorting and ruffled.</p> + +<p>“But they are imbeciles, all!”</p> + +<p>Hadria thought that perhaps <em>she</em> was the “imbecile”; it was a +possibility to be counted with, but she dared not say so to the irate +Jouffroy.</p> + +<p>He was particularly angry, because the audience had confirmed his own +fear that only very slowly would the quality of the music be recognized +by even the more cultivated public. It had invaded fresh territory, he +said, added to the range of expression, and was meanwhile a new language +to casual listeners. It was rebel music, offensive to the orthodox. +Hubert had always said that “it was out of the question,” and he +appeared to have been right.</p> + +<p>“<em>Bah, ce ne sont que des moutons!</em>” exclaimed Jouffroy. If the work had +been poorer, less original, there would not have been this trouble. Was +there not some other method by which Madame could earn what was +necessary, <em>en attendent</em>?</p> + +<p>In one of Professor Fortescue’s letters, he had reminded Hadria of his +eagerness to help her. Yet, what could he do? He had influence in the +world of science, but Hadria could not produce anything scientific! She +bethought her of trying to write light descriptive articles, of a kind +depending not so much on literary skill as on subject and epistolary +freshness of touch. These she sent to the Professor, not without +reluctance, knowing how overburdened he already was with work and with +applications for help and advice. He approved of her idea, and advised +the articles being sent the round of the magazines and papers.</p> + +<p>Through his influence, one of the shorter articles was accepted, and +Hadria felt encouraged. Her day was now very full. The new art was +laborious, severely simple in character, though she studiously made her +articles. Her acquaintances had multiplied very rapidly of late, and +although this brought into her experience much that was pleasant and +interesting, the demands of an enlarging circle swallowed an +astonishing number of hours. An element of trouble had begun to come +into the life that had been so full of serenity, as well as of regular +and strenuous work. Hadria was already feeling the effects of anxiety +and hurry. She had not come with untried powers to the fray. The reserve +forces had long ago been sapped, in the early struggles, beginning in +her girlhood and continuing at increasing pressure ever since. There was +only enough nerve-force to enable one to live from hand to mouth. +Expenditure of this force having been so often in excess of income, +economy had become imperative. Yet, economy was difficult. M. Jouffroy +was always spurring her to work, to throw over everything for this +object; letters from England incessantly urged a very different course; +friends in Paris pressed her to visit them, to accompany them hither and +thither, to join musical parties, to compose little songs (some +bagatelle in celebration of a birthday or wedding), to drive to the +further end of the town to play to this person or that who had heard of +Madame’s great talent. Hadria was glad to do anything she could to +express her gratitude for the kindness she had received on all hands, +but, alas! there were only a certain number of hours in the day, and +only a certain number of years in one’s life, and art was long. +Moreover, nerves were awkward things to play with.</p> + +<p>Insidiously, treacherously, difficulties crept up. Even here, where she +seemed so free, the peculiar claims that are made, by common consent, on +a woman’s time and strength began to weave their tiny cords around her. +She took warning, and put an end to any voluntary increase of her +circle, but the step had been taken a little too late. The mischief was +done. To give pain or offence for the sake of an hour or two, more or +less, seemed cruel and selfish, yet Hadria often longed for the +privilege that every man enjoys, of quietly pursuing his work without +giving either.</p> + +<p>A disastrous sense of hurry and fatigue began to oppress her. This was +becoming serious. She must make a stand. Yet her attempts at +explanation were generally taken as polite excuses for neglecting those +who had been kind and cordial.</p> + +<p>Jouffroy taxed her with looking tired. One must not be tired. One must +arrange the time so as to secure ample rest and recreation after the +real work was over. Women were so foolish in that way. They did +everything feverishly. They imagined themselves to have inexhaustible +nerves.</p> + +<p>Hadria hinted that it was perhaps others who demanded of them what was +possible only to inexhaustible nerves.</p> + +<p>True; towards women, people behaved as idiots. How was it possible to +produce one’s best, if repose were lacking? Serenity was necessary for +all production.</p> + +<p>As well expect water perpetually agitated to freeze, as expect the +crystals of the mind to produce themselves under the influence of +incessant disturbance.</p> + +<p>Work? Yes. Work never harmed any man or woman. It was harassment that +killed. Work of the mind, of the artistic powers, that was a tonic to +the whole being. But little distractions, irregular duties, worries, +uncertainties—Jouffroy shook his head ominously. And not only to the +artist were they fatal. It was these that drew such deep lines on the +faces of women still young. It was these that destroyed ability and +hope, and killed God only knew how many of His good gifts! Poverty: that +could be endured with all its difficulties, if that were the one +anxiety. It was never the <em>one</em> but the multitude of troubles that +destroyed. Serenity there must be. A man knew that, and insisted on +having it. Friends were no true friends if they robbed one of it. For +him, he had a poor opinion of that which people called affection, +regard. As for <em>l’amour</em>, that was the supreme egotism. The affections +were simply a means to “make oneself paid.” Affection! Bah! One did not +offer it for nothing, <em>bien sûr</em>! It was through this insufferable +pretext that one arrived at governing others. “<em>Comment?</em> Your presence +can give me happiness, and you will not remain always beside me? It is +nothing to you how I suffer? To me whom you love you refuse this small +demand?” Jouffroy opened his eyes, with a scornful glare. “It is in +<em>that</em> fashion, I promise you, that one can rule!”</p> + +<p>“Ah, monsieur,” said Hadria, “you are a keen observer. How I wish you +could live a woman’s life for a short time. You are wise now, but after +<em>that</em>——”</p> + +<p>“Madame, I have sinned in my day, perhaps to merit purgatorial fires; +but, without false modesty, I do not think that I have justly incurred +the penalty you propose to me.”</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed. “It would be a strange piece of poetic justice,” she +said, “if all the men who have sinned beyond forgiveness in this +incarnation, should be doomed to appear in the next, as well-brought-up +women.”</p> + +<p>Jouffroy smiled.</p> + +<p>“Fancy some conquering hero reappearing in ringlets and mittens, as +one’s maiden aunt.”</p> + +<p>Jouffroy grinned. “<em>Ce serait dur!</em>”</p> + +<p>“<em>Ah, mon Dieu!</em>” cried Madame Vauchelet, “if men had to endure in the +next world that which they have made women suffer in this—that would be +an atrocious justice!”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXV" id="CHAPTER_XXXV"></a>CHAPTER XXXV.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">STUBBORNLY Hadria sent her packets to the publishers; the publishers as +firmly returned them. She had two sets flying now, like tennis balls, +she wrote to Miss Du Prel: one set across the Channel. The publishers, +she feared, played the best game, but she had the English quality of not +knowing when she was beaten. Valeria had succeeded in finding a place +for two of the articles. This was encouraging, but funds were running +alarmingly low.</p> + +<p>The <em>apartement</em> would have either to be given up, or to be taken on for +another term, at the end of the week. A decision must be made. Hadria +was dismayed to find her strength beginning to fail. That made the +thought of the future alarming. With health and vigour nothing seemed +impossible, but without that——</p> + +<p>It seemed absurd that there should be so much difficulty about earning a +living. Other women had done it. Valeria had always made light of the +matter—when she had the theory of the sovereignty of the will to +support.</p> + +<p>Another couple of articles which seemed to their creator to possess +popular qualities were sent off.</p> + +<p>But after a weary delay, they shared the fate of their predecessors. +Hadria now moved into a smaller suite of rooms, parting regretfully with +Therése, and flinging herself once more on the mercy of a landlady. This +time M. Thillard had discovered the lodging for her; a shabby, but sunny +little house, kept by a motherly woman with a reputation for perfect +honesty. Expenses were thus kept down, but unhappily very little was +coming in to meet them. It was impossible to pull through the year at +this rate. But, of course, there was daily hope of something turning up. +The arrival of the post was always an exciting moment. At last Hadria +wrote to ask Algitha to try and sell for her a spray of diamonds, worth +about eighty pounds.</p> + +<p>Time must be gained, at all hazards. Algitha tried everywhere, and +enquired in all directions, but could not get more than five-and-twenty +pounds for it. She felt anxious about her sister, and thought of coming +over to Paris to see her, in order to talk over some matters that could +no longer be kept out of sight.</p> + +<p>Algitha had wished to give Hadria an opportunity for work and rest, and +to avoid recurrence of worry; but it was no longer possible or fair to +conceal the fact that there were troubles looming ahead, at Dunaghee. +Their father had suffered several severe losses through some bank +failures; and now that wretched company in which he had always had such +faith appeared to be shaky, and if that were also to smash, the state of +affairs would be desperate. Their father, in his optimistic fashion, +still believed that the company would pull through. Of course all this +anxiety was telling seriously on their mother. And, alas! she had been +fretting very much about Hadria. After Algitha’s misdeed, this second +blow struck hard.</p> + +<p>One must act on one’s own convictions and not on those of somebody else, +however beloved that other person might be, but truly the penalty of +daring to take an independent line of action was almost unbearably +severe. It really seemed, at times, as if there were nothing for it but +to fold one’s hands and do exactly as one was bid. Algitha was beginning +to wonder whether her own revolt was about to be expiated by a life-long +remorse!</p> + +<p>“Ah, if mother had only not sacrificed herself for us, how infinitely +grateful I should feel to her now! What sympathy there might have been +between us all! If she had but given herself a chance, how she might +have helped us, and what a friend she might have been to us, and we to +her! But she would not.”</p> + +<p>Algitha said that her mother evidently felt Hadria’s departure as a +disgrace to the family. It was pathetic to hear her trying to answer +people’s casual questions about her, so as to conceal the facts without +telling an untruth. Hadria was overwhelmed by this letter. Her first +impulse was to pack up and go straight to Dunaghee. But as Algitha was +there now, this seemed useless, at any rate for the present. And ought +she after all to abandon her project, for which so much had been risked, +so much pain inflicted? The question that she and Algitha thought they +had decided long ago, began to beat again at the door of her conscience +and her pity. Her reason still asserted that the suffering which people +entail upon themselves, through a frustrated desire to force their own +law of conduct on others, must be borne by themselves, as the penalty of +their own tyrannous instinct and of their own narrow thought. It was +utterly unfair to thrust that natural penalty of prejudice and of +self-neglect on to the shoulders of others. Why should they be protected +from the appointed punishment, by the offering of another life on the +altar of their prejudice? Why should such a sacrifice be made in order +to gratify their tyrannical desire to dictate? It was not fair, it was +not reasonable.</p> + +<p>Yet this conclusion of the intellect did not prevent the pain of pity +and compunction, nor an inconsequent sense of guilt.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile it would be best, perhaps, to await Algitha’s arrival, when +affairs might be in a less uncertain state. All decision must be +postponed till then. “Try and come soon,” she wrote to her sister.</p> + +<p>To add to the anxieties of the moment, little Martha seemed to lose in +energy since coming to the new abode, and Hadria began to fear that the +house was not quite healthy. It was very cheap, and the landlady was +honest, but if it had this serious drawback, another move, with probably +another drawback, seemed to threaten. This was particularly troublesome, +for who could tell how long it would be possible to remain in Paris? +Hadria thought of the doctrine of the sovereignty of the will, and of +all the grand and noble things that the Preposterous Society had said +about it, not to mention Emerson and others—and she smiled.</p> + +<p>However, she worked on, putting aside her anxieties, as far as was +possible. She would not fail for lack of will, at any rate. But it was a +hard struggle. Martha had to be very carefully watched just now.</p> + +<p>Happily, after a few anxious days, she began to recover her fresh colour +and her high spirits. The move would not be necessary, after all. Hadria +had become more and more attached to the child, whose lovable qualities +developed with her growth. She was becoming singularly like her unhappy +mother, in feature and in colouring. Her eyes were large and blue and +sweet, with a little touch of pathos in them that Hadria could not bear +to see. It seemed almost like the after-glow of the mother’s suffering.</p> + +<p>Although adding to Hadria’s anxieties, the child gave a sense of +freshness and youth to the little <em>ménage</em>. She made the anxieties +easier to bear.</p> + +<p>Hadria came in, one morning, from her work, tired and full of +foreboding. Hat and cloak were laid aside, and she sank into an +arm-chair, lying back to lazily watch the efforts of the child to +overturn the obstinate blue man, who was still the favourite plaything, +perhaps because he was less amenable than the rest.</p> + +<p>Martha looked up for sympathy. She wished to be helped in her persistent +efforts to get the better of this upstart blue man with the red cap, who +serenely resumed his erect position just as often as he was forced to +the ground. He was a stout, healthy-looking person, inclining to +<em>embonpoint</em>; bound to succeed, if only from sheer solidity of person. +Hadria was drawn into the game, and the two spent a good half hour on +the rug together, playing with that and other toys which Martha toddled +off to the cupboard to collect. The child was in great delight. Hadria +was playing with her; she liked that better than having Jean Paul +Auguste to play with. He took her toys away and always wanted to play a +different game.</p> + +<p>The clock struck two. Hadria felt that she ought to go and see Madame +Vauchelet; it was more than a week since she had called, and the kind +old friend was always gently pained at an absence of that length.</p> + +<p>Then there was an article to finish, and she ought really to write to +Dunaghee and Henriette and—well the rest must wait. Several other calls +were also more than due, but it was useless even to consider those +to-day. In spite of an oppressive sense of having much to do—perhaps +<em>because</em> of it—Hadria felt as if it were a sheer impossibility to rise +from that hearthrug. Besides, Martha would not hear of it. A desire to +rest, to idle, to float down the stream, instead of trying always to +swim against it, became overpowering. The minutes passed away.</p> + +<p>“The question is, Martha,” Hadria said gravely, as she proceeded to pile +up a towering edifice of bricks, at the child’s command, “the question +is: Are we going to stick to our plan, or are we going to be beaten? Oh, +take care, don’t pull down the fairy palace! That is a bad trick that +little fingers have. No, no, I must have my fairy palace; I won’t have +it pulled down. It is getting so fine, too; minarets and towers, and +domes and pinnacles, all mixed beautifully. Such an architecture as you +never saw! But some day perhaps you will see it. Those blue eyes look as +if they were made for seeing it, in the time to come.”</p> + +<p>“Pretty eyes!” said Martha with frank vanity, and then: “Pretty house!”</p> + +<p>“It is indeed a pretty house; they all are. But they are so horribly +shaky. The minarets are top-heavy, I fear. That’s the fault of the +makers of these bricks. They ought to make the solid ones in proper +proportion. But they can’t be persuaded.”</p> + +<p>“Knock it down,” said Martha, thrusting forth a mischievous hand, which +was caught in time to prevent entire destruction of the precious +edifice. Half the minarets had fallen.</p> + +<p>“They must go up again,” said Hadria. “How cruel to spoil all the work +and all the beauty.” But Martha laughed with the delight of easy +conquest.</p> + +<p>She watched with great interest the reconstruction, and seemed anxious +that every detail should be finished and worthy her iconoclasm. Having +satisfied herself that her strength would not be wasted on an incomplete +object, she made a second attempt to lay the palace low. Again she was +frustrated. The building had soared, by this time, to an ambitious +height, and its splendour had reached the limits of the materials at +command. The final pinnacle which was required to cope the structure had +been mislaid. Hadria was searching for it, when Martha, seizing her +chance, struck the palace a blow in its very heart, and in an instant, +the whole was a wreck.</p> + +<p>“Oh, if that is to be the way of it, why should I build?” asked Hadria.</p> + +<p>Martha gave the command for another ornamental object which she might +destroy.</p> + +<p>“One would suppose you were a County-Council,” Hadria exclaimed, “or the +practical man. No, you shall have no more beauty to annihilate, little +Vandal.”</p> + +<p>Martha, however, was now engaged in dissecting a doll, and presently a +stream of sawdust from its chest announced that she had accomplished her +dearest desire. She had found out what was inside that human effigy.</p> + +<p>“I wish I could get at the sawdust that <em>I</em> am stuffed with,” Hadria +thought dreamily, as she watched the doll grow flabbier. “It is +wonderful how little one does know one’s own sawdust. It would be +convenient to feel a little surer just now, for evidently I shall need +it all very soon. And I feel somewhat like that doll, with the stream +pouring out and the body getting limp.”</p> + +<p>She rose at last, and went to the window. The radiance of sun and green +trees and the stir of human life; the rumble of omnibuses and the sound +of wheels; the suggestion to the imagination of the river just a little +way off, and the merry little <em>bateaux-mouches</em>—it was too much. Hadria +rang for Hannah; asked her to take the child for a walk in the Bois, +stooped down to kiss the little upturned face, and went off.</p> + +<p>In another ten minutes she was on board one of the steamboats, on her +way up the river.</p> + +<p>She had no idea whither she was going; she would leave that to chance. +She only desired to feel the air and the sun and have an opportunity to +think. She soothed her uneasiness at the thought of Madame Vauchelet’s +disappointment by promising herself to call to-morrow. She sat watching +the boats and the water and the gay banks of the river with a sense of +relief, and a curious sort of fatalism, partly suggested perhaps, by the +persistent movement of the boat, and the interminable succession of new +scenes, all bubbling with human life, full of the traces of past events. +One layer of consciousness was busily engaged in thinking out the +practical considerations of the moment, another was equally busy with +the objective and picturesque world of the river side. If the two or +more threads of thought were not actually followed at the same instant, +the alternation was so rapid as not to be perceived. What was to be +done? How was the situation to be met, if the worst came to the worst? +Ah! what far harder contests had gone on in these dwellings that one +passed by the hundred. What lives of sordid toil had been struggled +through, in the effort to earn the privilege of continuing to toil!</p> + +<p>Hadria was inspired by keen curiosity concerning these homes and +gardens, and the whole panorama that opened before her, as the little +steamer puffed up the river. She longed to penetrate below the surface +and decipher the strange palimpsest of human life. What scenes, what +tragedies, what comedies, those bright houses and demure little villas +concealed. It was not exactly consoling to remember how small her own +immediate difficulties were in comparison to those of others, but it +seemed to help her to face them. She would not be discouraged. She had +her liberty, and that had to be paid for. Surely patience would prevail +in the end. She had learnt so much since she left home; among other +things, the habit of facing practical difficulties without that dismay +which carefully-nurtured women inevitably feel on their first movement +out of shelter. Yes, she had learnt much, surprisingly much, in the +short time. Her new knowledge contained perhaps rather dangerous +elements, for she had begun to realize her own power, not only as an +artist, but as a woman. In this direction, had she so chosen.... Her +thoughts were arrested at this point, with a wrench. She felt the +temptation assail her, as of late it had been assailing her faintly, to +explore this territory.</p> + +<p>But no, that was preposterous.</p> + +<p>It was certainly not that she regarded herself as accountable, in this +matter, to any one but herself; it was not that she acknowledged the +suzerainty of her husband. A mere legal claim meant nothing to her, and +he knew it. But there were moral perils of no light kind to be guarded +against; the danger such as a gambler runs, of being drawn away from the +real objects of life, of losing hold of one’s main purpose, to say +nothing of the probable moral degeneration that would result from such +experiment. Yet there was no blinking the fact that the desire had been +growing in Hadria to test her powers of attraction to the utmost, so as +to discover exactly their range and calibre. She felt rather as a boy +might feel who had come upon a cask of gunpowder, and longed to set a +match to it, just to see exactly how high it would blow off the roof. +She had kept the growing instincts at bay, being determined that nothing +avoidable should come between her and her purpose. And then—well +considering in what light most men, in their hearts, regarded women—if +one might judge from their laws and their conduct and their literature, +and the society that they had organized—admiration from this sex was a +thing scarcely to be endured. Yet superficially, it was gratifying.</p> + +<p>Why it should be so, was difficult to say, since it scarcely imposed +upon one’s very vanity. Yet it was easy enough to understand how women +who had no very dominant interest in life, might come to have a thirst +for masculine homage and for power over men till it became like the +gambler’s passion for play; and surely it had something in it of the +same character.</p> + +<p>The steamer was stopping now at St. Cloud. Yielding to an impulse, +Hadria alighted at the landing-stage and walked on through the little +town towards the palace.</p> + +<p>The sun was deliciously hot; its rays struck through to the skin, and +seemed to pour in life and well-being. The wayfarer stood looking up the +steep green avenue, resting for a moment, before she began the ascent. +At the top of the hill she paused again to look out over Paris, which +lay spread far and wide beneath her, glittering and brilliant; the +Eiffel Tower rising above domes and spires, in solitary inconsequence. +It seemed to her as if she were looking upon the world and upon life, +for the last time. A few weeks hence, would she be able to stand there +and see the gay city at her feet? She plunged back along one of the +converging avenues, yielding to the fascination of green alleys leading +one knows not whither. Wandering on for some time, she finally drifted +down hill again, towards the stately little garden near the palace. She +was surprised by a hurrying step behind her, and Jouffroy’s voice in her +ear. She was about to greet him in her usual fashion, when he stopped +her by plunging head foremost into a startling tirade—about her art, +and her country, and her genius, and his despair; and finally his +resolve that she should not belong to the accursed list of women who +gave up their art for “<em>la famille</em>.”</p> + +<p>The more Hadria tried to discover what had happened and what he meant, +the faster he spoke and the more wildly he gesticulated.</p> + +<p>He had seen how she was drifting away from her work and becoming +entangled in little affairs of no importance, and he would not permit +it. He cared not what her circumstances might be; she had a great talent +that she had no right to sacrifice to any circumstances whatever. He +had come to save her. Not finding her at her <em>apartement</em>, he had +concluded that she had taken refuge at her beloved St. Cloud. <em>Mon +Dieu!</em> was he to allow her to be taken away from her work, dragged back +to a narrow circle, crushed, broken, ruined—she who could give such a +sublime gift to her century—but it was impossible! It would tear his +heart. He would not permit it; she must promise him not to allow herself +to be persuaded to abandon her purpose, no matter on what pretext they +tried to lure her. Hadria, in vain, enquired the cause of this sudden +excitement. Jouffroy only repeated his exhortations. Why did she not cut +herself entirely adrift from her country, her ties?</p> + +<p>“They are to you, Madame, an oppression, a weariness, a——”</p> + +<p>“M. Jouffroy, I have never spoken to you about these things. I cannot +see how you are in a position to judge.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, but I know. Have I not heard <em>cette chère Madame Bertaux</em> describe +the life of an English village? And have I not seen——?”</p> + +<p>“Seen what?”</p> + +<p>“<em>Cette dame.</em> I have seen her at your apartment this afternoon. Do not +annihilate me, Madame; I mean not to offend you. The lady has come from +England on purpose to entrap you; she came last night, and she stays at +the Hotel du Louvre. She spoke to me of you.” Jouffroy raised his hands +to heaven. “Ha! then I understood, and I fled hither to save you.”</p> + +<p>“Tell me, tell me quickly, Monsieur, has she fair hair and large grey +eyes. Is she tall?”</p> + +<p>No, the lady was small, with dark hair, and brown, clever eyes.</p> + +<p>“A lady, elegant, well-dressed, but, ah! a woman to destroy the soul of +an artist merely by her presence. I told her that you had decided to +remain in France, to adopt it as your country, for it was the country of +your soul!”</p> + +<p>“Good heavens!” exclaimed Hadria, unable to repress a little burst of +laughter, in spite of her disappointment and foreboding.</p> + +<p>“I told her that your friends would not let you go back to England, to +the land of fogs, the land of the <em>bourgeois</em>. The lady seemed +astonished, even indignant,” continued Jouffroy, waving his hands +excitedly, “and she endeavoured to make me silent, but she did not have +success, I promise you. I appealed to her. I pointed out to her your +unique power. I reminded her that such power is a gift supreme to the +world, which the world must not lose. For the making of little ones and +the care of the <em>ménage</em>, there were other women, but you—you were a +priestess in the temple of art, you were without prejudice, without the +<em>bourgeois</em> conscience, <em>grâce au ciel!</em> you had the religion of the +artist, and your worship was paid at the shrine of Apollo. <em>Enfin</em>, I +counselled this elegant lady to return to England and to leave you in +peace. Always with a perfect politeness,” added Jouffroy, panting from +excess of emotion. Hadria tried in vain to gather the object of this +sudden visit on the part of Henriette (for Henriette the elegant lady +must certainly be).</p> + +<p>“I must return at once,” she said. “I fear something must have gone +wrong at home.” Jouffroy danced with fury.</p> + +<p>“But I tell you, Madame, that she will drag you back to your fogs; she +will tell you some foolish story, she will address herself to your pity. +Your family has doubtless become ill. Families have that habit when they +desire to achieve something. Bah, it is easy to become ill when one is +angry, and so to make oneself pitied and obeyed. It is a common usage. +Madame, beware; it is for you the critical moment. One must choose.”</p> + +<p>“It is not always a matter of choice, M. Jouffroy.”</p> + +<p>“Always,” he insisted. He endeavoured to induce her to linger, to make a +decision on the spot. But Hadria hastened on towards the river. Jouffroy +followed in despair. He ceased not to urge upon her the peril of the +moment and the need for resolute action. He promised to help her by +every means in his power, to watch over her career, to assist her in +bringing her gift to maturity. Never before had he felt a faith so +profound, or an interest so fervid in the genius of any woman. One had, +after all, regarded them (“les femmes”) as accomplished animals.</p> + +<p>“But of whom one demands the duties of human beings and the courage of +heroes,” added Hadria.</p> + +<p>“<em>Justement</em>,” cried Jouffroy. But Madame had taught him a superb truth. +For her, he felt a sentiment of admiration and reverence the most +profound. She had been to him a revelation. He entreated her to bestow +upon him the privilege of watching over her career. Let her only make +the wise decision now, everything would arrange itself. It needed only +courage.</p> + +<p>“This is the moment for decision. Remain now among us, and pursue your +studies with a calm mind, and I promise you—I, Jouffroy, who have the +right to speak on this matter—I promise you shall have a success beyond +the wildest dreams of your ambition. Madame, you do not guess your own +power. I know how your genius can be saved to the world; I know the +artist’s nature. Have I not had the experience of twenty years? I know +what feeds and rouses it, and I know what kills it. And this I tell you, +Madame, that if you stay here, you have a stupendous future before you; +if you return to your fogs and your tea-parties—ah, then, Madame, your +genius will die and your heart will be broken.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXVI" id="CHAPTER_XXXVI"></a>CHAPTER XXXVI.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">IT was with great reluctance that Jouffroy acceded to Hadria’s wish to +return home alone. She watched the river banks, and the boats coming and +passing, with a look of farewell in her eyes. She meant to hold out to +the utmost limits of the possible, but she knew that the possible <em>had</em> +limits, and she awaited judgment at the bar of destiny.</p> + +<p>She hurried home on arriving at the quay, and found Henriette waiting +for her.</p> + +<p>“What is it? Tell me at once, if anything is wrong.”</p> + +<p>“Then you knew I was here!” exclaimed Miss Temperley.</p> + +<p>“Yes; M. Jouffroy told me. He found me at St. Cloud. Quick, Henriette, +don’t keep me in suspense.”</p> + +<p>“There is nothing of immediate seriousness,” Henriette replied, and her +sister-in-law drew a breath of relief. Tea was brought in by Hannah, and +a few questions were asked and answered. Miss Temperley having been +installed in an easy chair, and her cloak and hat removed, said that her +stay in Paris was uncertain as to length. It would depend on many +things. Hadria rang for the tray to be taken away, after tea was over, +and as Hannah closed the door, a sensation of sick apprehension overcame +her, for a moment. Henriette had obviously come to Paris in order to +recapture the fugitive, and meant to employ all her tact in the delicate +mission. She was devoted to Hubert and the children, heart and soul, and +would face anything on their behalf, including the present disagreeable +task. Hadria looked at her sister-in-law with admiration. She offered +homage to the prowess of the enemy.</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley held a commanding position, fortified by ideas and +customs centuries old, and supported by allies on every side.</p> + +<p>It ran through Hadria’s mind that it was possible to refuse to allow the +subject to be broached, and thus escape the encounter altogether. It +would save many words on both sides. But Henriette had always been in +Hubert’s confidence, and it occurred to Hadria that it might be well to +define her own position once more, since it was thus about to be +directly and frankly attacked. Moreover, Hadria began to be fired with +the spirit of battle. It was not merely for herself, but on behalf of +her sex, that she longed to repudiate the insult that seemed to her, to +be involved in Henriette’s whole philosophy.</p> + +<p>However, if the enemy shewed no signs of hostility, Hadria resolved that +she also would keep the truce.</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley had already mentioned that Mrs. Fullerton was now staying +at the Red House, for change of air. She had been far from well, and of +course was worrying very much over these money troubles and perils +ahead, as well as about Hadria’s present action. Mrs. Fullerton had +herself suggested that Henriette should go over to Paris to see what +could be done to patch up the quarrel.</p> + +<p>“Ah!” exclaimed Hadria, and a cloud settled on her brow. Henriette had +indeed come armed <em>cap à pie!</em></p> + +<p>There was a significant pause. “And your mission,” said Hadria at +length, “is to recapture the lost bird.”</p> + +<p>“We are considering your own good,” murmured Miss Temperley.</p> + +<p>“If I have not always done what I ought to have done in my life, it is +not for want of guidance and advice from others,” said Hadria with a +smile and a sigh.</p> + +<p>“You are giving everyone so much pain, Hadria. Do you never think of +that?”</p> + +<p>There was another long pause. The two women sat opposite one another. +Miss Temperley’s eyes were bent on the carpet; Hadria’s on a patch of +blue sky that could be seen through a side street, opposite.</p> + +<p>“If you would use your ability on behalf of your sex instead of against +it, Henriette, women would have cause to bless you, for all time!”</p> + +<p>“Ah! if you did but know it, I <em>am</em> using what ability I have on their +behalf,” Miss Temperley replied. “I am trying to keep them true to their +noble mission. But I did not come to discuss general questions. I came +to appeal to your best self, Hadria.”</p> + +<p>“I am ready,” said Hadria. “Only, before you start, I want you to +remember clearly what took place at Dunaghee before my marriage; for I +foresee that our disagreement will chiefly hang upon your lapse of +memory on that point, and upon my perhaps inconveniently distinct +recollection of those events.”</p> + +<p>“I wish to lay before you certain facts and certain results of your +present conduct,” said Henriette.</p> + +<p>“Very good. I wish to lay before you certain facts and certain results +of your past conduct.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! do not let us wrangle, Hadria.”</p> + +<p>“I don’t wish to wrangle, but I must keep hold of these threads that you +seem always to drop. And then there is another point: when I talked of +leaving home, it was not <em>I</em> who suggested that it should be for ever.”</p> + +<p>“I know, I know,” cried Henriette hastily. “I have again and again +pointed out to Hubert how wrong he was in that, and how he gave you a +pretext for what you have done. I admit it and regret it deeply. Hubert +lost his temper; that is the fact of the matter. He thought himself +bitterly wronged by you.”</p> + +<p>“Quite so; he felt it a bitter wrong that I should claim that liberty of +action which I warned him before our marriage that I <em>should</em> claim. He +made no objection <em>then</em>: on the contrary, he professed to agree with +me; and declared that he did not care what I might think; but now he +says that in acting as I have acted, I have forfeited my position, and +need not return to the Red House.”</p> + +<p>“I know. But he spoke in great haste and anger. He has made me his +<em>confidante</em>.”</p> + +<p>“And his ambassador?”</p> + +<p>Henriette shook her head. No; she had acted entirely on her own +responsibility. She could not bear to see her brother suffering. He had +felt the quarrel deeply.</p> + +<p>“On account of the stupid talk,” said Hadria. “<em>That</em> will soon blow +over.”</p> + +<p>“On account of the talk partly. You know his sensitiveness about +anything that concerns his domestic life. He acutely feels your leaving +the children, Hadria. Try to put yourself in his place. Would <em>you</em> not +feel it?”</p> + +<p>“If I were a man with two children of whom I was extremely fond, I have +no doubt that I should feel it very much indeed if I lost an intelligent +and trustworthy superintendent, whose services assured the children’s +welfare, and relieved me of all anxiety on their account.”</p> + +<p>“If you are going to take this hard tone, Hadria, I fear you will never +listen to reason.”</p> + +<p>“Henriette, when people look popular sentiments squarely in the face, +they are always called hard, or worse. You have kept yourself thoroughly +informed of our affairs. Whose parental sentiments were gratified by the +advent of those children—Hubert’s or mine?”</p> + +<p>“But you are a mother.”</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed. “You play into my hands, Henriette. You tacitly +acknowledge that it was not for <em>my</em> gratification that those children +were brought into the world (a common story, let me observe), and then +you remind me that I am a mother! Your mentor must indeed be slumbering. +You are simply scathing—on my behalf! Have you come all the way from +England for this?”</p> + +<p>“You <em>won’t</em> understand. I mean that motherhood has duties. You can’t +deny that.”</p> + +<p>“I can and I do.”</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley stared. “You will find no human being to agree with you,” +she said at length.</p> + +<p>“That does not alter my opinion.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, Hadria, explain yourself! You utter paradoxes. I want to understand +your point of view.”</p> + +<p>“It is simple enough. I deny that motherhood has duties except when it +is absolutely free, absolutely uninfluenced by the pressure of opinion, +or by any of the innumerable tyrannies that most children have now to +thank for their existence.”</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley shook her head. “I don’t see that any ‘tyranny,’ as you +call it, exonerates a mother from her duty to her child.”</p> + +<p>“There we differ. Motherhood, in our present social state, is the sign +and seal as well as the means and method of a woman’s bondage. It forges +chains of her own flesh and blood; it weaves cords of her own love and +instinct. She agonizes, and the fruit of her agony is not even legally +hers. Name me a position more abject! A woman with a child in her arms +is, to me, the symbol of an abasement, an indignity, more complete, more +disfiguring and terrible, than any form of humiliation that the world +has ever seen.”</p> + +<p>“You must be mad!” exclaimed Miss Temperley. “That symbol has stood to +the world for all that is sweetest and holiest.”</p> + +<p>“I know it has! So profound has been our humiliation!”</p> + +<p>“I don’t know what to say to anyone so wrong-headed and so twisted in +sentiment.”</p> + +<p>Hadria smiled thoughtfully.</p> + +<p>“While I am about it, I may as well finish this disclosure of feeling, +which, again I warn you, is <em>not</em> peculiar to myself, however you may +lay that flattering unction to your soul. I have seen and heard of many +a saddening evidence of our sex’s slavery since I came to this terrible +and wonderful city: the crude, obvious buying and selling that we all +shudder at; but hideous as it is, to me it is far less awful than this +other respectable form of degradation that everyone glows and smirks +over.”</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley clasped her hands in despair.</p> + +<p>“I simply can’t understand you. What you say is rank heresy against all +that is most beautiful in human nature.”</p> + +<p>“Surely the rank heresy is to be laid at the door of those who degrade +and enslave that which they assert to be most beautiful in human nature. +But I am not speaking to convince; merely to shew where you cannot count +upon me for a point of attack. Try something else.”</p> + +<p>“But it is so strange, so insane, as it seems to me. Do you mean to +throw contempt on motherhood <em>per se</em>?”</p> + +<p>“I am not discussing motherhood <em>per se</em>; no woman has yet been in a +position to know what it is <em>per se</em>, strange as it may appear. No woman +has yet experienced it apart from the enormous pressure of law and +opinion that has, always, formed part of its inevitable conditions. The +illegal mother is hounded by her fellows in one direction; the legal +mother is urged and incited in another: free motherhood is unknown +amongst us. I speak of it as it is. To speak of it <em>per se</em>, for the +present, is to discuss the transcendental.”</p> + +<p>There was a moment’s excited pause, and Hadria then went on more +rapidly. “You know well enough, Henriette, what thousands of women there +are to whom the birth of their children is an intolerable burden, and a +fierce misery from which many would gladly seek escape by death. And +indeed many <em>do</em> seek escape by death. What is the use of this eternal +conspiracy of silence about that which every woman out of her teens +knows as well as she knows her own name?”</p> + +<p>But Henriette preferred to ignore that side of her experience. She +murmured something about the maternal instinct, and its potency.</p> + +<p>“I don’t deny the potency of the instinct,” said Hadria, “but I do say +that it is shamefully presumed upon. Strong it obviously must be, if +industrious cultivation and encouragements and threats and exhortations +can make it so! All the Past as well as all the weight of opinion and +training in the Present has been at work on it, thrusting and alluring +and coercing the woman to her man-allotted fate.”</p> + +<p>“<em>Nature</em>-allotted, if you please,” said Henriette. “There is no need +for alluring or coercing.”</p> + +<p>“Why do it then? Now, be frank, Henriette, and try not to be offended. +Would <em>you</em> feel no sense of indignity in performing a function of this +sort (however noble and so on you might think it <em>per se</em>), if you knew +that it would be demanded of you as a duty, if you did not welcome it as +a joy?”</p> + +<p>“I should acknowledge it as a duty, if I did not welcome it as a joy.”</p> + +<p>“In other words, you would accept the position of a slave.”</p> + +<p>“How so?”</p> + +<p>“By bartering your womanhood, by using these powers of body, in return +for food and shelter and social favour, or for the sake of so-called +‘duty’ irrespective of—perhaps in direct opposition to your feelings. +How then do you differ from the slave woman who produces a progeny of +young slaves, to be disposed of as shall seem good to her perhaps +indulgent master? I see no essential difference.”</p> + +<p>“I see the difference between honour and ignominy,” said Henriette. +Hadria shook her head, sadly.</p> + +<p>“The differences are all in detail and in circumstance. I am sorry if I +offend your taste. The facts are offensive. The bewildering thing is +that the facts themselves never seem to offend you; only the mention of +them.”</p> + +<p>“It would take too long to go into this subject,” said Henriette. “I can +only repeat that I fail to understand your extraordinary views of the +holiest of human instincts.”</p> + +<p>“<em>That</em> catch-word! And you use it rashly, Henriette, for do you not +know that the deepest of all degradation comes of misusing that which is +most holy?”</p> + +<p>“A woman who does her duty is not to be accused of misusing anything,” +cried Miss Temperley hotly.</p> + +<p>“Is there then no sin, no misuse of power in sending into the world +swarms of fortuitous, poverty-stricken human souls, as those souls must +be who are born in bondage, with the blended instincts of the slave and +the master for a proud inheritance? It sounds awful I know, but truth is +apt to sound awful. Motherhood, as our wisdom has appointed it, among +civilized people, represents a prostitution of the reproductive powers, +which precisely corresponds to that other abuse, which seems to most of +us so infinitely more shocking.”</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley preferred not to reply to such a remark, and the entrance +of little Martha relieved the tension of the moment. Henriette, though +she bore the child a grudge, could not resist her when she came forward +and put up her face to be kissed.</p> + +<p>“She is really growing very pretty,” said Henriette, in a tone which +betrayed the agitation which she had been struggling to hide.</p> + +<p>Martha ran for her doll and her blue man, and was soon busy at play, in +a corner of the room, building Eiffel Towers out of stone bricks, and +knocking them down again.</p> + +<p>“I don’t yet quite understand, Henriette, your object in coming to +Paris.” Hadria’s voice had grown calmer.</p> + +<p>“I came to make an appeal to your sense of duty and your generosity.”</p> + +<p>“Ah!”</p> + +<p>“I came,” Henriette went on, bracing herself as if for a great effort, +“to remind you that when you married, you entered into a contract which +you now repudiate.”</p> + +<p>Hadria started up, reddening with anger.</p> + +<p>“I did no such thing, and you know it, Henriette. How do you <em>dare</em> to +sit there and tell me that?”</p> + +<p>“I tell you nothing but the truth. Every woman who marries enters, by +that fact, into a contract.”</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley had evidently regarded this as a strong card and played +it hopefully.</p> + +<p>Hadria was trembling with anger. She steadied her voice. “Then you +actually intended to <em>entrap</em> me into this so-called contract, by +leading me to suppose that it would mean nothing more between Hubert and +myself than an unavoidable formality! You tell me this to my face, and +don’t appear to see that you are confessing an act of deliberate +treachery.”</p> + +<p>“Nonsense,” cried Henriette. “There was nothing that any sane person +would have objected to, in our conduct.”</p> + +<p>Hadria stood looking down scornfully on her sister-in-law. She shrugged +her shoulders, as if in bewilderment.</p> + +<p>“And yet you would have felt yourselves stained with dishonour for the +rest of your lives had you procured anything <em>else</em> on false pretences! +But a woman—that is a different affair. The code of honour does not +here apply, it would seem. <em>Any</em> fraud may be honourably practised on +<em>her</em>, and wild is the surprise and indignation if she objects when she +finds it out.”</p> + +<p>“You are perfectly mad,” cried Henriette, tapping angrily with her +fingers on the arm of her chair.</p> + +<p>“What I say is true, whether I be mad or sane. What you call the +‘contract’ is simply a cunning contrivance for making a woman and her +possible children the legal property of a man, and for enlisting her own +honour and conscience to safeguard the disgraceful transaction.”</p> + +<p>“Ah,” said Henriette, on the watch for her opportunity, “then you admit +that her honour and conscience <em>are</em> enlisted?”</p> + +<p>“Certainly, in the case of most women. That enlistment is a masterpiece +of policy. To make a prisoner his own warder is surely no light stroke +of genius. But that is exactly what I refused to be from the first, and +no one could have spoken more plainly. And now you are shocked and +pained and aggrieved because I won’t eat my words. Yet we have talked +over all this, in my room at Dunaghee, by the hour. Oh! Henriette, why +did you not listen to your conscience and be honest with me?”</p> + +<p>“Hadria, you insult me.”</p> + +<p>“Why could not Hubert choose one among the hundreds and thousands of +women who would have passed under the yoke without a question, and have +gladly harnessed herself to his chariot by the reins of her own +conscience?”</p> + +<p>“I would to heaven he <em>had</em>!” Henriette was goaded into replying.</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed. Then her brow clouded with pain. “Ah, why did he not +meet my frankness with an equal frankness, at the time? All this trouble +would have been saved us both if <em>only</em> he had been honest.”</p> + +<p>“My dear, he was in love with you.”</p> + +<p>“And so he thought himself justified in deceiving me. There is <em>indeed</em> +war to the knife between the sexes!” Hadria stood with her elbows on +the back of a high arm-chair, her chin resting on her hands.</p> + +<p>“It is not fair to use that word. I tell you that we both confidently +expected that when you had more experience you would be like other women +and adjust yourself sensibly to your conditions.”</p> + +<p>“I see,” said Hadria, “and so it was decided that Hubert was to pretend +to have no objections to my wild ideas, so as to obtain my consent, +trusting to the ponderous bulk of circumstance to hold me flat and +subservient when I no longer had a remedy in my power. You neither of +you lack brains, at any rate.” Henriette clenched her hands in the +effort of self-control.</p> + +<p>“In ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, our forecasts would have come +true,” she said. “I mean——”</p> + +<p>“That is refreshingly frank,” cried Hadria.</p> + +<p>“We thought we acted for the best.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, if it comes to that, the Spanish Inquisitors doubtless thought that +they were acting for the best, when they made bonfires of heretics in +the market-places.” Henriette bent her head and clasped the arms of the +chair, tightly.</p> + +<p>“Well, if there be any one at fault in the matter, <em>I</em> am the culprit,” +she said in a voice that trembled. “It was <em>I</em> who assured Hubert that +experience would alter you. It was I who represented to him that though +you might be impulsive, even hard at times, you could not persist in a +course that would give pain, and that if you saw that any act of yours +caused him to suffer, you would give it up. I was convinced that your +character was good and noble <em>au fond</em>, Hadria, and I have believed it +up to this moment.”</p> + +<p>Hadria drew herself together with a start, and her face darkened. “You +make me regret that I ever had a good or a pitiful impulse!” she cried +with passion.</p> + +<p>She went to the window and stood leaning against the casement, with +crossed arms.</p> + +<p>Henriette turned round in her chair.</p> + +<p>“Why do you always resist your better nature, Hadria?”</p> + +<p>“You use it against me. It is the same with all women. Let them beware +of their ‘better natures,’ poor hunted fools! for that ‘better nature’ +will be used as a dog-chain, by which they can be led, like +toy-terriers, from beginning to end of what they are pleased to call +their lives!”</p> + +<p>“Oh, Hadria, Hadria!” cried Miss Temperley with deep regret in her tone.</p> + +<p>But Hadria was only roused by the remonstrance.</p> + +<p>“It is cunning, shallow, heartless women, who really fare best in our +society; its conditions suit them. <em>They</em> have no pity, no sympathy to +make a chain of; <em>they</em> don’t mind stooping to conquer; <em>they</em> don’t +mind playing upon the weaker, baser sides of men’s natures; <em>they</em> don’t +mind appealing, for their own ends, to the pity and generosity of +others; <em>they</em> don’t mind swallowing indignity and smiling abjectly, +like any woman of the harem at her lord, so that they gain their object. +<em>That</em> is the sort of ‘woman’s nature’ that our conditions are busy +selecting. Let us cultivate it. We live in a scientific age; the fittest +survive. Let us be ‘fit.’”</p> + +<p>“Let us be womanly, let us do our duty, let us hearken to our +conscience!” cried Henriette.</p> + +<p>“Thank you! If my conscience is going to be made into a helm by which +others may guide me according to their good pleasure, the sooner that +helm is destroyed the better. That is the conclusion to which you drive +me and the rest of us, Henriette.”</p> + +<p>“Charity demands that I do not believe what you say,” said Miss +Temperley.</p> + +<p>“Oh, don’t trouble to be charitable!”</p> + +<p>Henriette heaved a deep sigh. “Hadria,” she said, “are you going to +allow your petty rancour about this—well, I will call it error of ours, +if you like to be severe—are you going to bear malice and ruin your own +life and Hubert’s and the children’s? Are you so unforgiving, so lacking +in generosity?”</p> + +<p>“<em>You</em> call it an error. <em>I</em> call it a treachery,” returned Hadria. “Why +should the results of that treachery be thrust on to <em>my</em> shoulders to +bear? Why should <em>my</em> generosity be summoned to your rescue? But I +suppose you calculated on that sub-consciously, at the time.”</p> + +<p>“<em>Hadria!</em>”</p> + +<p>“This is a moment for plain speaking, if ever there was one. You must +have reckoned on an appeal to my generosity, and on the utter +helplessness of my position when once I was safely entrapped. It was +extremely clever and well thought out. Do you suppose that you would +have dared to act as you did, if there had been means of redress in my +hands, after marriage?”</p> + +<p>“If I <em>did</em> rely on your generosity, I admit my mistake,” said Henriette +bitterly.</p> + +<p>“And now when your deed brings its natural harvest of disaster, you and +Hubert come howling, like frightened children, to have the mischief set +straight again, the consequences of your treachery averted, by <em>me</em>, of +all people on this earth!”</p> + +<p>“You are his wife, the mother of his children.”</p> + +<p>“In heaven’s name, Henriette, why do you always run into my very jaws?”</p> + +<p>“I don’t know what you mean.”</p> + +<p>“Why do you catalogue my injuries when your point is to deny them?”</p> + +<p>Henriette rose with a vivid flush.</p> + +<p>“Hadria, Hubert is one of the best men in England. I——”</p> + +<p>“When have I disputed that?”</p> + +<p>Hadria advanced towards Miss Temperley, and stood looking her full in +the face.</p> + +<p>“I believe that Hubert has acted conscientiously, according to his +standard. But I detest his standard. He did not think it wrong or +treacherous to behave as he did towards me. But it is <em>that very fact</em> +that I so bitterly resent. I could have forgiven him a sin against +myself alone, which he acknowledged to be a sin. But this is a sin +against my entire sex, which he does <em>not</em> acknowledge to be a sin. It +is the insolence that is implied in supposing it allowable for a man to +trick a woman in that way, without the smallest damage to his +self-respect, that sticks so in my throat. What does it imply as regards +his attitude towards all women? Ah! it is <em>that</em> which makes me feel so +rancorous. And I resent Hubert’s calm assumption that he had a right to +judge what was best for me, and even to force me, by fraud, into +following his view, leaving me afterwards to adjust myself with +circumstance as best I might: to make my bitter choice between +unconditional surrender, and the infliction of pain and distress, on +him, on my parents, on everybody. Ah, you calculated cunningly, +Henriette! I <em>am</em> a coward about giving pain, little as you may now be +disposed to credit it. You have tight hold of the end of my chain.”</p> + +<p>Hadria was pacing restlessly up and down the room. Little Martha ran out +with her doll, and offered it, as if with a view to chase away the +perturbed look from Hadria’s face. The latter stooped mechanically and +took the doll, smiling her thanks, and stroking the child’s fair curls +tenderly. Then she recommenced her walk up and down the room, carrying +the doll carefully on her arm.</p> + +<p>“Take care of dolly,” Martha recommended, and went back to her other +toys.</p> + +<p>“Yes, Henriette, you and Hubert have made your calculations cleverly. +You have advocates only too eloquent in my woman’s temperament. You have +succeeded only too well by your fraud, through which I now stand here, +with a life in fragments, bound, chafe as I may, to choose between +alternative disasters for myself and for all of us. Had you two only +acted straightly with me, and kindly allowed me to judge for myself, +instead of treacherously insisting on judging for me, this knot of your +tying which you naïvely bring me to unravel, would never have wrung the +life out of me as it is doing now—nor would it have caused you and +Hubert so much virtuous distress.”</p> + +<p>Hadria recommenced her restless pacing to and fro.</p> + +<p>“But, Hadria, <em>do</em> be calm, <em>do</em> look at the matter from our point of +view. I have owned my indiscretion.” (Hadria gave a little scornful +cry.) “Surely you are not going to throw over all allegiance to your +husband on <em>that</em> account, even granting he was to blame.” Hadria +stopped abruptly.</p> + +<p>“I deny that I owe allegiance to a man who so treated me. I don’t deny +that he had excuses. The common standards exonerate him; but, good +heavens, a sense of humour, if nothing else, ought to save him from +making this grotesque claim on his victim! To preach the duties of wife +and mother to <em>me!</em>” Hadria broke into a laugh. “It is inconceivably +comic.”</p> + +<p>Henriette shrugged her shoulders. “I fear my sense of humour is +defective. I can’t see the justice of repudiating the duty of one’s +position, since there the position <em>is</em>, an accomplished fact not to be +denied. Why not make the best of it?”</p> + +<p>“Henriette, you are amazing! Supposing a wicked bigamist had persuaded a +woman to go through a false marriage ceremony, and when she became aware +of her real position, imagine him saying to her, with grave and virtuous +mien, ‘My dear, why repudiate the duties of your position, since there +your position <em>is</em>, an accomplished fact not to be denied?’”</p> + +<p>“Oh, that’s preposterous,” cried Henriette.</p> + +<p>“It’s preposterous and it’s parallel.”</p> + +<p>“Hubert did not try to entrap you into doing what was wrong.”</p> + +<p>“We need not discuss that, for it is not the point. The point is that +the position (be that right or wrong) was forced on the woman in both +cases by fraud, and is then used as a pretext to exact from her the +desired conduct; what the author of the fraud euphoniously calls +‘duty.’”</p> + +<p>“You are positively insulting!” cried Henriette, rising.</p> + +<p>By this time, Hadria had allowed the doll to slip back, and its limp +body was hanging down disconsolately from her elbow, although she was +clutching it, with absent-minded anxiety, to her side, in the hope of +arresting its threatened fall.</p> + +<p>“Oh, look at dolly, look, look!” cried Martha reproachfully. Hadria +seized its legs and pulled it back again, murmuring some consolatory +promise to its mistress.</p> + +<p>“It is strange how you succeed in putting me on the defensive, +Henriette—I who have been wronged. A horrible wrong it is too. It has +ruined my life. You will never know all that it implies, never, never, +though I talk till Doomsday. Nobody will—except Professor Fortescue.”</p> + +<p>Henriette gave a horrified gesture. “I believe you are in love with that +man. <em>That</em> is the cause of all this wild conduct.”</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley had lost self-control for a moment.</p> + +<p>Hadria looked at her steadily.</p> + +<p>“I beg your pardon. I spoke in haste, Hadria. You have your faults, but +Hubert has nothing to fear from you in that respect, I am sure.”</p> + +<p>“Really?” Hadria had come forward and was standing with her left elbow +on the mantel-piece, the doll still tucked under her right arm. “And you +think that I would, at all hazards, respect a legal tie which no feeling +consecrates?”</p> + +<p>“I do you that justice,” murmured Henriette, turning very white.</p> + +<p>“You think that I should regard myself as so completely the property of +a man whom I do not love, and who actively dislikes me, as to hold my +very feelings in trust for him. Disabuse yourself of that idea, +Henriette. I claim rights over myself, and I will hold myself in pawn +for no man. This is no news either to you or to Hubert. Why pretend that +it is?”</p> + +<p>Henriette covered her face with her hands.</p> + +<p>“I can but hope,” she said at length, “that even now you are saying +these horrible things out of mere opposition. I cannot, I simply +<em>cannot</em> believe, that you would bring disgrace upon us all.”</p> + +<p>“If you chose to regard it as a disgrace that I should make so bold as +to lay claim to myself, that, it seems to me, would be your own fault.” +Henriette sprang forward white and trembling, and clutched Hadria’s arm +excitedly.</p> + +<p>“Ah! you <em>could</em> not! you <em>could</em> not! Think of your mother and father, +if you will not think of your husband and children. You terrify me!”</p> + +<p>Hadria was moved with pity at Henriette’s white quivering face.</p> + +<p>“Don’t trouble,” she said, more gently. “There is no thunderbolt about +to fall in our discreet circle.” (A hideous crash from the overturning +of one of Martha’s Eiffel Towers seemed to belie the words.)</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley’s clutch relaxed, and she gave a gasp of relief.</p> + +<p>“Tell me, Hadria, that you did not mean what you said.”</p> + +<p>“I can’t do that, for I meant it, every syllable.”</p> + +<p>“Promise me then at least, that before you do anything to bring misery +and disgrace on us all, you will tell us of your intention, and give us +a chance of putting our side of the matter before you.”</p> + +<p>“Of protecting your vested interests,” said Hadria; “your right of way +through my flesh and spirit.”</p> + +<p>“Of course you put it unkindly.”</p> + +<p>“I will not make promises for the future. The future is quite enough +hampered with the past, without setting anticipatory traps and springes +for unwary feet. But I refuse this promise merely on general principles. +I am not about to distress you in that particular way, though I think +you would only have yourselves to blame if I <em>were</em>.”</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley drew another deep breath, and the colour began to return +to her face.</p> + +<p>“So far, so good,” she said. “Now tell me—Is there nothing that would +make you accept your duties?”</p> + +<p>“Even if I were to accept what you call my duties, it would not be in +the spirit that you would desire to see. It would be in cold +acknowledgment of the force of existing facts—facts which I regard as +preposterous, but admit to be coercive.” Henriette sank wearily into her +chair.</p> + +<p>“Do you then hold it justifiable for a woman to inflict pain on those +near to her, by a conduct that she may think justifiable in itself?”</p> + +<p>Hadria hesitated for a moment.</p> + +<p>“A woman is so desperately entangled, and restricted, and betrayed, by +common consent, in our society, that I hold her justified in using +desperate means, as one who fights for dear life. She may harden her +heart—if she can.”</p> + +<p>“I am thankful to think that she very seldom <em>can</em>!” cried Henriette.</p> + +<p>“Ah! that is our weak point! For a long time to come, we shall be +overpowered by our own cage-born instincts, by our feminine conscience +that has been trained so cleverly to dog the woman’s footsteps, in man’s +interest—his detective in plain clothes!”</p> + +<p>“Of course, if you repudiate all moral claim——” began Henriette, +weakly.</p> + +<p>“I will not insult your intelligence by considering that remark.”</p> + +<p>“Are you determined to harden yourself against every appeal?” Hadria +looked at her sister-in-law, in silence.</p> + +<p>“Why don’t you answer me, Hadria?”</p> + +<p>“Because I have just been endeavouring, evidently in vain, to explain in +what light I regard appeals on this point.”</p> + +<p>“Then Hubert and the children are to be punished for what you are +pleased to call his fraud—the fraud of a man in love with you, anxious +to please you, to agree with you, and believing you too good and noble +to allow his life to be spoilt by this girl’s craze for freedom. It is +inconceivable!”</p> + +<p>“I fear that Hubert must be prepared to endure the consequences of his +actions, like the rest of us. It is the custom, I know, for the sex that +men call weaker, to saddle themselves with the consequences of men’s +deeds, but I think we should have a saner, and a juster world if the +custom were discontinued.”</p> + +<p>“You have missed one of the noblest lessons of life, Hadria,” cried Miss +Temperley, rising to leave. “You do not understand the meaning of +self-sacrifice.”</p> + +<p>“A principle that, in woman, has been desecrated by misuse,” said +Hadria. “There is no power, no quality, no gift or virtue, physical or +moral, that we have <em>not</em> been trained to misuse. Self-sacrifice stands +high on the list.”</p> + +<p>Miss Temperley shrugged her shoulders, sadly and hopelessly.</p> + +<p>“You have fortified yourself on every side. My words only prompt you to +throw up another earthwork at the point attacked. I do harm instead of +good. I will leave you to think the matter over alone.” Miss Temperley +moved towards the door.</p> + +<p>“Ah, you are clever, Henriette! You know well that I am far better +acquainted with the weak points of my own fortifications than you can +be, who did not build them, and that when I have done with the defence +against you, I shall commence the attack myself. You have all the +advantages on your side. Mine is a forlorn hope:—a handful of Greeks at +Thermopylae against all the host of the Great King. We are foredoomed; +the little band must fall, but some day, Henriette, when you and I shall +be no more troubled with these turbulent questions—some day, these +great blundering hosts of barbarians will be driven back, and the Greek +will conquer. Then the realm of liberty will grow wide!”</p> + +<p>“I begin to hate the very name!” exclaimed Henriette.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s eyes flashed, and she stood drawn up, straight and defiant, +before the mantel-piece.</p> + +<p>“Ah! there is a fiercer Salamis and a crueller Marathon yet to be +fought, before the world will so much as guess what freedom means. I +have no illusions now, regarding my own chances, but I should hold it as +an honour to stand and fall at Thermopylae, with Leonidas and his +Spartans.”</p> + +<p>“I believe that some day you will see things with different eyes,” said +Henriette.</p> + +<p>The doll fell with a great crash, into the fender among the fire-irons, +and there was a little burst of laughter. Miss Temperley passed through +the door, at the same instant, with great dignity.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXVII" id="CHAPTER_XXXVII"></a>CHAPTER XXXVII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">AS Hadria had foretold, she commenced the attack on herself as soon as +Henriette had departed, and all night long, the stormy inner debate was +kept up. Her mind never wavered, but her heart was rebellious. Hubert +deserved to pay for his conduct; but if we all had to pay for our +conduct to the uttermost farthing, that would be hard, if just. If +Hadria assumed the burden of Hubert’s debt, it would mean what M. +Jouffroy had pointed out. Hubert’s suffering would be only on account of +offended public opinion; hers—but then her parents would suffer as well +as Hubert. Round and round went the thoughts, like vast wheels, and when +towards morning, she dozed off a little, the wheels were still turning +in a vague, weary way, and as they turned, the life seemed to be crushed +gradually out of the sleeper.</p> + +<p>Jouffroy came to enquire whether the decision had been made. He was in a +state of great excitement. He gave fervent thanks that Hadria had stood +firm.</p> + +<p>“You do not forget my words, Madame?”</p> + +<p>“I shall never forget them, Monsieur.”</p> + +<p>Henriette discreetly forbore to say anything further on the subject of +dispute. She waited, hopefully.</p> + +<p>“Hubert has been troubled about the money that your father set apart, on +your marriage, as a contribution to the household expenses,” she said, +one morning. “Your father did not place it all in your name.”</p> + +<p>“I know,” said Hadria. “It is tied up, in some way, for the use of the +family. I have a small sum only in my own control.”</p> + +<p>“Hubert is now leaving half of it to accumulate. The other half has +still to go towards the expenses at the Red House. I suppose you +approve?”</p> + +<p>“Certainly,” said Hadria. “My father designed it for that purpose.”</p> + +<p>“But Hubert feared you might be running short of money, and wished to +send you some; but the trustees say it is against the conditions of the +trust.”</p> + +<p>“So I suppose.”</p> + +<p>“I wanted you to know about it, that is all,” said Henriette. “Also, I +should like to say that though Hubert does not feel that he can ask you +to return to the Red House, after what has happened—he cannot risk your +refusing—yet I take it on myself to tell you, that he would only be too +glad if you would go back.”</p> + +<p>“Thank you, I understand.”</p> + +<p>Next morning, Henriette came with a letter in her hand.</p> + +<p>“Bad news!” Hadria exclaimed.</p> + +<p>The letter announced the failure of the Company. It was the final blow. +Dunaghee would have to be given up. Mrs. Fullerton’s settlement was all +that she and her husband would now have to live upon.</p> + +<p>Hadria sat gazing at the letter, with a dazed expression. Almost before +the full significance of the calamity had been realized, a telegram +arrived, announcing that Mrs. Fullerton had fallen dangerously ill.</p> + +<p>The rest of that day was spent in packing, writing notes, settling +accounts, and preparing for departure.</p> + +<p>“When—how are you going?” cried Madame Vauchelet, in dismay.</p> + +<p>“By the night boat, by the night boat,” Hadria replied hurriedly, as if +the hurry of her speech would quicken her arrival in England.</p> + +<p>The great arches of the station which had appealed to her imagination, +at the moment of arrival, swept upward, hard and grey, in the callous +blue light. Hadria breathed deep. Was she the same person who had +arrived that night, with every nerve thrilled with hope and resolve? Ah! +there had been so much to learn, and the time had been so short. +Starting with her present additional experience, she could have managed +so much better. But of what use to think of that? How different the +homeward journey from the intoxicating outward flight, in the heyday of +the spring!</p> + +<p>What did that telegram mean? <em>Ill; dangerously, dangerously.</em> The words +seemed to be repeated cruelly, insistently, by the jogging of the train +and the rumble of the wheels. The anxiety gnawed on, rising at times +into terror, dulling again to a steady ache. And then remorse began to +fit a long-pointed fang into a sensitive spot in her heart. In vain to +resist. It was securely placed. Let reason hold her peace.</p> + +<p>A thousand fears, regrets, self-accusations, revolts, swarmed +insect-like in Hadria’s brain, as the train thundered through the +darkness, every tumultuous sound and motion exaggerated to the +consciousness, by the fact that there was no distraction of the +attention by outside objects. Nothing offered itself to the sight except +the strange lights and shadows of the lamp thrown on the cushions of the +carriage; Henriette’s figure in one corner, Hannah, with the child, in +another, and the various rugs and trappings of wandering Britons. +Everything was contracted, narrow. The sea-passage had the same sinister +character. Hadria compared it to the crossing of the Styx in Charon’s +gloomy ferry-boat.</p> + +<p>She felt a patriotic thrill on hearing the first mellow English voice +pronouncing the first kindly English sentence. The simple, slow, honest +quality of the English nature gave one a sense of safety. What splendid +raw material to make a nation out of! But, ah, it was sometimes dull to +live with! These impressions, floating vaguely in the upper currents of +the mind, were simultaneous with a thousand thoughts and anxieties, and +gusts of bitter fear and grief.</p> + +<p>What would be the end of it all? This uprooting from the old home—it +wrung one’s heart to think of it. Scarcely could the thought be faced. +Her father, an exile from his beloved fields and hills; her mother +banished from her domain of so many years, and after all these +disappointments and mortifications and sorrows! It was piteous. Where +would they live? What would they do?</p> + +<p>Hadria fought with her tears. Ah! it was hard for old people to have to +start life anew, bitterly hard. This was the moment for their children +to flock to their rescue, to surround them with care, with affection, +with devotion; to make them feel that at least <em>some</em>thing that could be +trusted, was left to them from the wreck.</p> + +<p>“Ah! poor mother, poor kind father, you were very good to us all, very, +very good!”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXVIII" id="CHAPTER_XXXVIII"></a>CHAPTER XXXVIII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">MRS. FULLERTON’S illness proved even more serious than the doctor had +expected. She asked so incessantly for her daughters, especially Hadria, +that all question of difference between her and Hubert was laid aside, +by tacit consent, and the sisters took their place at their mother’s +bedside. The doctor said that the patient must have been suffering, for +many years, from an exhausted state of the nerves and from some kind of +trouble. Had she had any great disappointment or anxiety?</p> + +<p>Hadria and Algitha glanced at one another. “Yes,” said Algitha, “my +mother has had a lot of troublesome children to worry and disappoint +her.”</p> + +<p>“Ah!” exclaimed the doctor, nodding his head. “Well, now has come a +crisis in Mrs. Fullerton’s condition. This illness has been incubating +for years. She must have undergone mental misery of a very acute kind, +whether or not the cause may have been adequate. If her children desire +to keep her among them, it will be necessary to treat her with the +utmost care, and to oppose her in <em>nothing</em>. Further disappointment or +chagrin, she has no longer the power to stand. There are complications. +Her heart will give trouble, and all your vigilance and forbearance are +called for, to avoid serious consequences. I think it right to speak +frankly, for everything depends—and always hereafter will depend—on +the patient’s being saved as much as possible from the repetition of any +former annoyance or sorrow. At best, there will be much for her to +endure; I dread an uprooting of long familiar habits for any one of her +age. Her life, if not her reason, are in her children’s hands.”</p> + +<p>A time of terrible anxiety followed, for the inmates of the Red House. +The doctor insisted on a trained nurse. Algitha and Hadria felt uneasy +when they were away, even for a moment, from the sick-room, but the +doctor reminded them of the necessity, for the patient’s sake as well as +their own, of keeping up their strength. He warned them that there would +be a long strain upon them, and that any lack of common sense, as +regards their own health, would certainly diminish the patient’s chances +of recovery. Nobody had his clearest judgment and his quickest +observation at command, when nervously exhausted. Everything might +depend on a moment’s decision, a moment’s swiftness of insight. The +warning was not thrown away, but both sisters found the incessant +precautions trying.</p> + +<p>Every thought, every emotion was swallowed up in the one awful anxiety.</p> + +<p>“Oh, Hadria, I feel as if this were my fault,” cried Algitha, on one +still, ominous night, after she had resigned her post at the bedside to +the nurse, who was to fill it for a couple of hours, after which Hadria +took her turn of watching.</p> + +<p>“You? It was I,” said Hadria, with trembling lips.</p> + +<p>“Mother has never been strong,” Algitha went on. “And my leaving home +was the beginning of all this trouble.”</p> + +<p>“And <em>my</em> leaving home the end of it,” her sister added.</p> + +<p>Algitha was walking restlessly to and fro.</p> + +<p>“And I went to Dunaghee so often, so often,” she cried tearfully, “so +that mother should not feel deserted, and you too came, and the boys +when they could. But she never got over my leaving; she seemed to resent +my independence, my habit of judging for myself; she hated every detail +in which I differed from the girls she knew. If I had married and gone +to the Antipodes, she would have been quite satisfied, but——”</p> + +<p>“Ah, why do people need human souls for their daily food?” cried Hadria +mournfully. She flung open the window of the bedroom, and looked out +over the deadly stillness of the fields and the heavy darkness. “But +they do need them,” she said, in the same quiet, hopeless tone, “and +the souls have got to be provided.”</p> + +<p>“What is the time?” asked Algitha. A clock had struck, outside. “Could +it be the clock of Craddock church? The sound must have stolen down +hill, through the still air.”</p> + +<p>“It struck three.”</p> + +<p>“You ought to get some sleep,” cried Algitha. “Remember what the doctor +said.”</p> + +<p>“I feel so nervous, so anxious. I could not sleep.”</p> + +<p>“Just for a few minutes,” Algitha urged. Hadria consented at last, to go +into her room, which adjoined her sister’s, and lie down on the bed. The +door was open between the rooms. “You must do the same,” she stipulated.</p> + +<p>There was silence for some minutes, but the silence swarmed with the +ghosts of voices. The air seemed thick with shapes, and terrors, and +strange warnings.</p> + +<p>The doctor had not disguised the fact that the patient was fighting hard +for life, and that it was impossible to predict the result. Everything +depended on whether her strength would hold out. The weakness of the +heart was an unfortunate element in the case. To save strength and give +plentiful nourishment, without heightening the fever, must be the +constant effort. Algitha’s experience stood her in good stead. Her +practical ability had been quickened and disciplined by her work. She +had trained herself in nursing, among other things.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s experience was small. She had to summon her intelligence to the +rescue. The Fullerton stock had never been deficient in this particular. +In difficult moments, when rule and tradition had done their utmost, +Hadria had often some original device to suggest, to fit the individual +case, which tided them over a crisis, or avoided some threatening +predicament.</p> + +<p>“Are you sleeping?” asked Algitha, very softly.</p> + +<p>“No,” said Hadria; “I feel very uneasy to-night. I think I will go +down.”</p> + +<p>“Do try to get a little rest first, Hadria; your watch is next, and you +must not go to it fagged out.”</p> + +<p>“I know, but I feel full of dread. I <em>must</em> just go and see that all is +right.”</p> + +<p>“Then I will come too,” said Algitha.</p> + +<p>They stole down stairs together, in the dim light of the oil lamps that +were kept burning all night. The clock struck the half-hour as they +passed along the landing. A strange fancy came to Hadria, that a dusky +figure drifted away before her, as she advanced. It seemed as though +death had receded at her approach. The old childish love for her mother +had revived in all its force, during this long fight with the reaper of +souls. She felt all her energies strung with the tension of battle. She +fought against a dark horror that she could not face. Knowing, and +realising vividly, that if her mother lived, her own dreams were ended +for ever, she wrestled with desperate strength for the life that was at +stake. Her father’s silent wretchedness was terrible to see. He would +not hear a word of doubt as to the patient’s recovery. He grew angry if +anyone hinted at danger. He insisted that his wife was better each day. +She would soon be up and well again.</p> + +<p>“Never well again,” the doctor had confided to Hubert, “though she may +possibly pull through.”</p> + +<p>Mr. Fullerton’s extravagant hopefulness sent a thrill along the nerves. +It was as if he had uttered the blackest forebodings. The present crisis +had stirred a thousand feelings and associations, in Hadria, which had +long been slumbering. She seemed to be sent back again, to the days of +her childhood. The intervening years were blotted out. She realized now, +with agonising vividness, the sadness of her mother’s life, the long +stagnation, the slow decay of disused faculties, and the ache that +accompanies all processes of decay, physical or moral. Not only the +strong appeal of old affection, entwined with the earliest associations, +was at work, but the appeal of womanhood itself:—the grey sad story of +a woman’s life, bare and dumb and pathetic in its irony and pain: the +injury from without, and then the self-injury, its direct offspring; +unnecessary, yet inevitable; the unconscious thirst for the sacrifice of +others, the hungry claims of a nature unfulfilled, the groping instinct +to bring the balance of renunciation to the level, and indemnify oneself +for the loss suffered and the spirit offered up. And that propitiation +had to be made. It was as inevitable as that the doom of Orestes should +follow the original crime of the house of Atreus. Hadria’s whole thought +and strength were now centred on the effort to bring about that +propitiation, in her own person. She prepared the altar and sharpened +the knife. In that subtle and ironical fashion, her fate was steadily at +work.</p> + +<p>The sick-room was very still when the sisters entered. It was both warm +and fresh. A night-light burnt on the table, where cups and bottles were +ranged, a spirit-lamp and kettle, and other necessaries. The night-light +threw long, stealthy shadows over the room. The fire burnt with a red +glow. The bed lay against the long wall. As the two figures entered, +there was a faint sound of quick panting, and a moan. Hadria rushed to +the bedside.</p> + +<p>“Quick, quick, some brandy,” she called. Algitha flew to the table for +the brandy, noticing with horror, as she passed, that the nurse had +fallen asleep at her post. Algitha shook her hastily.</p> + +<p>“Go and call Mr. Fullerton,” she said sharply, “and quick, quick.” The +patient was sinking. The nurse vanished. Algitha had handed the cup of +brandy to Hadria. The sisters stood by the bedside, scarcely daring to +breathe. Mr. Fullerton entered hurriedly, with face pallid and drawn.</p> + +<p>“What is it? Is she——?”</p> + +<p>“No, no; I hope not. Another moment it would have been too late, but I +think we were in time.”</p> + +<p>Hadria had administered the brandy, and stood watching breathlessly, for +signs of revival. She gave one questioning glance at Algitha. Her trust +in the nurse was gone. Algitha signed hope. The patient’s breathing was +easier.</p> + +<p>“I wonder if we ought to give a little more?” Hadria whispered.</p> + +<p>“Wait a minute. Ah! don’t speak to her, father; she needs all her +strength.”</p> + +<p>The ticking of the clock could be heard, in the dim light.</p> + +<p>Algitha was holding her mother’s wrist. “Stronger,” she said. Hadria +drew a deep sigh. “We must give food presently. No more brandy.”</p> + +<p>“She’s all right again, all right again!” cried Mr. Fullerton, eagerly.</p> + +<p>The nurse went to prepare the extract which the doctor had ordered for +the patient, when quickly-digested nourishment was required. It gave +immediate strength. The brandy had stimulated the sinking organs to a +saving effort; the food sustained the system at the level thus achieved. +The perilous moment was over.</p> + +<p>“Thank heaven!” cried Algitha, when the patient’s safety was assured, +and she sank back on the pillow, with a look of relief on her worn face.</p> + +<p>“If it had not been for you, Hadria——. What’s the matter? Are you +ill?”</p> + +<p>Algitha rushed forward, and the nurse dragged up a chair.</p> + +<p>Hadria had turned deadly white, and her hand groped for support.</p> + +<p>She drew herself together with a desperate effort, and sat down +breathing quickly. “I am not going to faint,” she said, reassuringly. +“It was only for a moment.” She gave a shudder. “What a fight it was! We +were only just in time——”</p> + +<p>A low voice came from the bed. The patient was talking in her sleep. +“Tell Hadria to come home if she does not want to kill me. Tell her to +come home; it is her duty. I want her.”</p> + +<p>Then, after a pause, “I have always done <em>my</em> duty,—I have sacrificed +myself for the children. Why do they desert me, why do they desert me?” +And then came a low moaning cry, terrible to hear. The sisters were by +the bedside, in a moment. Their father stood behind them.</p> + +<p>“We are here, mother dear; we are here watching by you,” Hadria +murmured, with trembling voice.</p> + +<p>Algitha touched the thin hand, quietly. “We are with you, mother,” she +repeated. “Don’t you know that we have been with you for a long time?”</p> + +<p>The sick woman seemed to be soothed by the words.</p> + +<p>“Both here, both?” she muttered vaguely. And then a smile spread over +the sharpened features; she opened her eyes and looked wistfully at the +two faces bending over her.</p> + +<p>A look of happiness came into her dimmed eyes.</p> + +<p>“My girls,” she said in a dreamy voice, “my girls have come back to +me—I knew they were good girls——”</p> + +<p>Then her eyes closed, and she fell into a profound and peaceful +slumber.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXXIX" id="CHAPTER_XXXIX"></a>CHAPTER XXXIX.</h2> + + +<p><span class="dropcap">“B</span>UT, Doctor, is there no hope that with care and time, she will be able +to walk again?”</p> + +<p>“I am sorry to say, none whatever. I am only thankful that my patient +has survived at all. It was little short of a miracle, and you must be +thankful for that.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Fullerton had always been an active woman, in spite of not being +very robust, and a life passed on a couch had peculiar terrors for her. +The nervous system had been wrecked, not by any one shock or event, but +by the accumulated strains of a lifetime. The constitution was broken +up, once and for all.</p> + +<p>A cottage had been taken, as near as possible to the Red House, where +the old couple were to settle for the rest of their days, within reach +of their children and grandchildren. Every wish of the invalid must be +respected, just or unjust. Absolute repose of mind and body was +imperatively necessary, and this could only be attained for her by a +complete surrender, on the part of her children, of any course of action +that she seriously disapproved. The income was too limited to allow of +Algitha’s returning to her parents; otherwise Mrs. Fullerton would have +wished it. Algitha had now to provide for herself, as the allowance that +her father had given her could not be continued. She had previously done +her work for nothing, but now Mrs. Trevelyan, under whose care she had +been living, offered her a paid post in a Convalescent Home in which she +was interested.</p> + +<p>“I am exceptionally fortunate,” said Algitha, “for Mrs. Trevelyan has +arranged most kindly, so that I can get away to see mother and father at +the end of every week.”</p> + +<p>Both Mr. and Mrs. Fullerton had taken it for granted that Hadria would +remain at the Red House, and that Hubert would “forgive” her, as they +put it.</p> + +<p>Circumstances seemed to take it equally for granted. Mrs. Fullerton +would now depend entirely on her children for every solace and pleasure. +She would require cheering, amusing, helping, in a thousand ways. +Algitha was to come down each week from Saturday till Monday, and the +brothers when they could. During the rest of the week, the invalid would +depend on her younger daughter. Hadria’s leaving home, and the rumour of +a quarrel between her and Hubert, had conduced to her mother’s illness, +perhaps had even caused it. Mrs. Fullerton had taken it bitterly to +heart. It had become obvious that Hadria would have now to remain at the +Red House, for her mother’s sake, and that being so, she and Hubert +agreed that it was useless to discuss any other reasons for and against +it. Hubert was only too glad of her return, for appearance’ sake. +Neither of them thought, for a moment, of what Henriette called a +“reconciliation.” What had passed before Hadria’s departure had revealed +finally, the hopelessness of such an attempt. Matters settled down +heavily and with an air of finality.</p> + +<p>If only her mother’s declining years were happy and peaceful, that would +be something of importance gained, but, alas! Mrs. Fullerton seemed +anything but happy. Her helplessness was hard to bear, and she felt the +worldly downfall, severely. All this, and the shattered state of her +nerves tended to make her exacting and irritable; and as she had felt +seriously aggrieved for so many years of her life, she now regarded the +devotion of her children as a debt tardily paid, and the habit grew +insensibly upon her of increasing her demands, as she found everyone so +ready to submit to them. The possession of power had its usual effect. +She knew no mercy in its use. Her daughters were made to feel that if +they had been less headstrong and selfish in the past, she would have +been a vigorous and active woman to this day. Obviously, the very least +they could do, was to try by all means in their power, to lighten the +burden they had laid upon her. Yet Mrs. Fullerton was, by nature, +unselfish. She would have gladly sacrificed herself for her children’s +good, as indeed she had persistently and doggedly sacrificed herself for +them, during their childhood, but naturally she had her own view of what +constituted their “good.” It did not consist in wasting one’s youth and +looks among the slums of the East End, or in deserting one’s home to +study music and mix in a set of second-rate people, in an out-of-the-way +district of Paris. As for Hadria’s conduct about little Martha, Mrs. +Fullerton could scarcely bring herself to speak about it. It terrified +her. She thought it indicated some taint of madness in her daughter’s +mind. Two charming children of her own and—but Mrs. Fullerton, with a +painful flush, would turn her mind from the subject. She had to believe +her daughter either mad or bad, and that was terrible to her maternal +pride. She could indeed scarcely believe that it had not all been a +painful dream, for Hadria was now so good and dutiful, so tender and +watchful; how <em>could</em> she have behaved so abominably, so crazily? Every +day Hadria came to the cottage, generally with a bunch of fresh flowers +to place by her mother’s couch, and then all the affairs of the +household were talked over and arranged, the daughter doing what was +needed in the way of ordering provisions or writing notes, for the +invalid could now write only with the greatest difficulty. Then Mrs. +Fullerton liked to have a chat, to hear what was in the papers, what was +going on in the neighbourhood, and to discuss all sorts of dreary +details, over and over again. Books that Hadria would sometimes bring +were generally left unread, unless they were light novels of a rigidly +conventional character. Mrs. Fullerton grew so excited in her +condemnation of any other kind, that it was dangerous to put them before +her. In the evenings, the old couple liked to have a rubber, and often +Hubert and Hadria would make up the necessary quartett; four silent +human beings, who sat like solemn children at their portentous play, +while the clock on the mantel-piece recorded the moments of their lives +that they dedicated to the mimic battle. Hours and hours were spent in +this way. But Hadria found that she could not endure it every night, +much to the surprise of her parents. The monotony, the incessant +recurrence, had a disastrous effect on her nerves, suggesting wild and +desperate impulses.</p> + +<p>“I should go out of my mind, if I had no breaks,” she said at last, +after trying it for some months. “In the interests of future rubbers, I +<em>must</em> leave off, now and then. He that plays and runs away, will live +to play another day.”</p> + +<p>Mrs. Fullerton thought it strange that Hadria could not do even this +little thing for her parents, without grumbling, but she did not wish to +make a martyr of her. They must try and find some one else to take her +place occasionally.</p> + +<p>Sometimes Joseph Fleming would accept the post, sometimes Lord Engleton, +and often Ernest or Fred, whose comparatively well-ordered minds were +not sent off their balance so easily as Hadria’s. In this fashion, the +time went by, and the new state of affairs already seemed a hundred +years old. Paris was a clear, but far-off dream. An occasional letter +from Madame Vauchelet or Jouffroy, who mourned and wailed over Hadria’s +surrender of her work, served to remind her that it had once been actual +and living. There still existed a Paris far away beyond the hills, +brilliant, vivid, exquisite, inspiring, and at this very moment the +people were coming and going, the river was flowing, the little steamers +plying,—but how hard it was to realise!</p> + +<p>The family was charmed with the position of affairs.</p> + +<p>“It is such a mercy things have happened as they have!” was the verdict, +delivered with much wise shaking of heads. “There can be no more mad or +disgraceful behaviour on the part of Hubert’s wife, that is one comfort. +She can’t murder her mother outright, though she has not been far off +it!”</p> + +<p>From the first, Hadria had understood what the future must be. These +circumstances could not be overcome by any deed that she could bring +herself to do. Even Valeria was baffled. Her theories would not quite +work. Hadria looked things straight in the face. That which was +strongest and most essential in her must starve; there was no help for +it, and no one was directly to blame, not even herself. Fate, chance, +Providence, the devil, or whatever it was, had determined against her +particular impulses and her particular view of things. After all, it +would have been rather strange if these powers had happened exactly to +agree with her. She was not so ridiculous (she told herself) as to feel +personally aggrieved, but so long as fate, chance, Providence, or the +devil, gave her emotions and desires and talent and will, it was +impossible not to suffer. She might fully recognise that the suffering +was of absolutely no importance in the great scheme of things, but that +did not make the suffering less. If it must be, it must be, and there +was an end to it. Should someone gain by it, that was highly +satisfactory, and more than could be said of most suffering, which +exists, it would seem, only to increase and multiply after the manner of +some dire disease. This was what Hadria dreaded in her own case: that +the loss would not end with her. The children, Martha, everyone who came +under her influence, must share in it.</p> + +<p>Henriette irritated her by an approving sweetness of demeanour, +carefully avoiding any look of triumph, or rather triumphing by that air +which said: “I wouldn’t crow over you for the world!”</p> + +<p>She was evidently brimming over with satisfaction. A great peril, she +felt, had been averted. The family and its reputation were saved.</p> + +<p>“You appear to think that the eyes of Europe are riveted on the +Temperley family,” said Hadria; “an august race, I know, but there <em>are</em> +one or two other branches of the human stock in existence.”</p> + +<p>“One <em>must</em> consider what people say,” said Henriette.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s time now was filled more and more with detail, since there were +two households instead of one to manage. The new charge was +particularly difficult, because she had not a free hand.</p> + +<p>Without entirely abandoning her music, it had, perforce, to fall into +abeyance. Progress was scarcely possible. But as Henriette pointed +out—it gave so much pleasure to others—when Hadria avoided music that +was too severely classical.</p> + +<p>At Craddock Place, one evening, she was taken in to dinner by a callow +youth, who found a fertile subject for his wit, in the follies and +excesses of what he called the “new womanhood.” It was so delightful, he +said, to come to the country, where women were still charming in the +good old way. He knew that this new womanhood business was only a phase, +don’t you know, but upon his word, he was getting tired of it. Not that +he had any objection to women being well educated (Hadria was glad of +that), but he could <em>not</em> stand it when they went out of their sphere, +and put themselves forward and tried to be emancipated, and all that +sort of nonsense.</p> + +<p>Hadria was not surprised that he could not stand it.</p> + +<p>There had been a scathing article, the youth said, in one of the evening +papers. He wondered how the “New Woman” felt after reading it! It simply +made mincemeat of her.</p> + +<p>“Wretched creature!” Hadria exclaimed.</p> + +<p>The youth wished that women would really <em>do</em> something, instead of +making all this fuss.</p> + +<p>Hadria agreed that it <em>was</em> a pity they were so inactive. Could not one +or two of the more favoured sex manage to inspire them with a little +initiative?</p> + +<p>The youth considered that women were, by nature, passive and reflective, +not original.</p> + +<p>Hadria thought the novelty of that idea not the least of its charms.</p> + +<p>The youth allowed that, in her own way, and in her own sphere, woman was +charming and singularly intelligent. He had no objection to her +developing as much as she pleased, in proper directions. (Hadria felt +really encouraged.) But it was so absurd to pretend that women could do +work that was peculiar to men. (Hadria agreed, with a chuckle.) When had +they written one of Shakespeare’s dramas? (When indeed? History was +ominously silent on that point.)</p> + +<p>“Hadria, what is amusing you?” enquired her hostess, across the table.</p> + +<p>“Oh, well—only the discouraging fact that no woman, as Mr. St. George +convincingly points out, has ever written one of Shakespeare’s dramas!”</p> + +<p>“Oh,” said Lady Engleton with a broad smile, “but you know, Mr. St. +George, we really haven’t had quite the same chances, have we?”</p> + +<p>Perhaps not quite, as far as literature went, the youth admitted +tolerantly, but there was failure in original work in every direction. +This was no blame to women; they were not made that way, but facts <em>had</em> +to be recognised. Women’s strength lay in a different domain—in the +home. It was of no use to try to fight against Nature. Look at music for +instance; one required no particular liberty to pursue <em>that</em> art, yet +where were the women-composers? If there was so much buried talent among +women, why didn’t they arise and bring out operas and oratorios?</p> + +<p>Hadria couldn’t understand it; especially as the domestic life was +arranged, one might almost say, with a special view to promoting musical +talent in the mistress of the household. Yet where were those oratorios? +She shook her head. Mr. St. George, she thought, had clearly proved that +the inherent nature of women was passive and imitative, while that of +man, even in the least remarkable examples of the sex, was always +powerful and original to the verge of the perilous!</p> + +<p>“I think we had better go to the drawing-room,” said Lady Engleton, +discreetly. The youth twirled his moustaches thoughtfully, as the ladies +filed out.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s happiest hours were now those that she spent with little +Martha, who was growing rapidly in stature and intelligence. The +child’s lovable nature blossomed sweetly under the influence of Hadria’s +tenderness. When wearied, and sad at heart, an hour in the Priory +garden, or a saunter along the roadside with little Martha, was like the +touch of a fresh breeze after the oppression of a heated room. Hadria’s +attachment to the child had grown and grown, until it had become almost +a passion. How was the child to be saved from the usual fate of +womanhood? Hadria often felt a thrill of terror, when the beautiful blue +eyes looked out, large and fearless, into the world that was just +unfolding before them, in its mysterious loveliness.</p> + +<p>The little girl gave promise of beauty. Even now there were elements +that suggested a moving, attracting nature. “At her peril,” thought +Hadria, “a woman moves and attracts. If I can only save her!”</p> + +<p>Hadria had not seen Professor Fortescue since her return from Paris. She +felt that he, and he alone, could give her courage, that he and he alone +could save her from utter despondency. If only he would come! For the +first time in her life, she thought of writing to ask him for personal +help and advice. Before she had carried out this idea, the news came +that he was ill, that the doctor wished him to go abroad, but that he +was forced to remain in England, for another three months, to complete +some work, and to set some of his affairs in order. Hadria, in +desperation, was thinking of throwing minor considerations to the winds, +and going to see for herself the state of affairs (it could be managed +without her mother’s knowledge, and so would not endanger her health or +life), when the two boys were sent back hastily from school, where +scarlet fever had broken out. They must have caught the infection before +leaving, for they were both taken ill.</p> + +<p>Valeria came down to Craddock Dene, for the day. She seemed almost +distraught. Hadria could see her only at intervals. The sick children +required all her attention. Valeria wished to visit them. She had +brought the poor boys each a little gift.</p> + +<p>“But you may take the fever,” Hadria remonstrated.</p> + +<p>Valeria gave a scornful snort.</p> + +<p>“Are you tired of life?”</p> + +<p>“I? Yes. It is absurd. I have no place in it, no tie, nothing to bind me +to my fellows or my race. What do they care for a faded, fretful woman?”</p> + +<p>“You know how your friends care for you, Valeria. You know, for +instance, what you have been in my life.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, my dear, I <em>don’t</em> know! I have a wretched longing for some strong, +absorbing affection, something paramount, satisfying. I envy you your +devotion to that poor little child; you can shew it, you can express it, +and you have the child’s love in return. But I, who want much more than +that, shall never get even that. I threw away the chance when I had it, +and now I shall end my days, starving.”</p> + +<p>Hadria was silent. She felt that these words covered something more than +their ostensible meaning.</p> + +<p>“I fear Professor Fortescue is very ill,” said Valeria restlessly.</p> + +<p>Her face was flushed, and her eyes burnt.</p> + +<p>“I fear he is,” said Hadria sadly.</p> + +<p>“If—if he were to die——” Hadria gave a low, horrified exclamation.</p> + +<p>“Surely there is no danger of that!”</p> + +<p>“Of course there is: he told me that he did not expect to recover.”</p> + +<p>Valeria was crouching before the fire, with a look of blank despair. +Hadria, pale to the lips, took her hand gently and held it between her +own. Valeria’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. “Ah, Hadria, you will +understand, you will not despise me—you will only be sorry for me—why +should I not tell you? It is eating my heart out—have you never +suspected, never guessed——?”</p> + +<p>Hadria, with a startled look, paused to consider, and then, stroking +back the beautiful white hair with light touch, she said, “I think I +have known without knowing that I knew. It wanted just these words of +yours to light up the knowledge. Oh, Valeria, have you carried this +burden for all these years?”</p> + +<p>“Ever since I first met him, which was just before he met his wife. I +knew, from the first, that it was hopeless. He introduced her to me +shortly after his engagement. He was wrapped up in her. With him, it was +once and for all. He is not the man to fall in love and out of it, over +and over again. We were alike in that. With me, too, it was once for +all. Oh, the irony of life!” Valeria went on with an outburst of energy, +“I was doomed to doom others to similar loss; others have felt for me, +in vain, what I, in vain, felt for him! I sent them all away, because I +could not bring myself to endure the thought of marrying any other man, +and so I pass my days alone—a waif and stray, without anything or +anyone to live for.”</p> + +<p>“At least you have your work to live for, which is to live for many, +instead of for one or two.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, that does not satisfy the heart.”</p> + +<p>“What <em>does</em>?” Hadria exclaimed.</p> + +<p>Anxiety about Professor Fortescue now made a gloomy background to the +responsibilities of Hadria’s present life. Valeria’s occasional visits +were its bright spots. She looked forward to them, with pathetic +eagerness. The friendship became closer than it had ever been before, +since Valeria had confided her sad secret.</p> + +<p>“Yet, Valeria, I envy you.”</p> + +<p>“Envy me?” she repeated blankly.</p> + +<p>“I have never known what a great passion like that means; I have never +felt what you feel, and surely to live one’s life with all its pettiness +and pain, yet never to know its extreme experiences, is sadder than to +have those experiences and suffer through them.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, yes, you are right,” Valeria admitted. “I would not be without it +if I could.”</p> + +<p>The thought of what she had missed was beginning to take a hold upon +Hadria. Her life was passing, passing, and the supreme gifts would never +be hers. She must for ever stand outside, and be satisfied with shadows +and echoes.</p> + +<p>“Are you very miserable, Hadria?” Valeria asked, one day.</p> + +<p>“I am benumbed a little now,” Hadria replied. “That must be, if one is +to go on at all. It is a provision of nature, I suppose. All that was +threatening before I went to Paris, is now being fulfilled. I can +scarcely realize how I could ever have had the hopefulness to make that +attempt. I might have known I could not succeed, as things are. How +<em>could</em> I? But I am glad of the memory. It pains me sometimes, when all +the acute delight and charm return, at the call of some sound or scent, +some vivid word; but I would not be without the memory and the dream—my +little illusion.”</p> + +<p>“Supposing,” said Valeria after a long pause, “that you could live your +life over again, what would you do?”</p> + +<p>“I don’t know. It is my impression that in my life, as in the lives of +most women, all roads lead to Rome. Whether one does this or that, one +finds oneself in pretty much the same position at the end. It doesn’t +answer to rebel against the recognized condition of things, and it +doesn’t answer to submit. Only generally one <em>must</em>, as in my case. A +choice of calamities is not always permitted.”</p> + +<p>“It is so difficult to know which is the least,” said Valeria.</p> + +<p>“I don’t believe there <em>is</em> a ‘least.’ They are both unbearable. It is a +question which best fits one’s temperament, which leads soonest to +resignation.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, Hadria, you would never achieve resignation!” cried Valeria.</p> + +<p>“Oh, some day, perhaps!”</p> + +<p>Valeria shook her head. She had no belief in Hadria’s powers in that +direction. Hopelessness was her nearest approach to that condition of +cheerful acquiescence which, Hadria had herself said, profound faith or +profound stupidity can perhaps equally inspire.</p> + +<p>“At least,” said Valeria, “you know that you are useful and helpful to +those around you. You make your mother happy.”</p> + +<p>“No, my mother is not happy. My work is negative. I just manage to +prevent her dying of grief. One must not be too ambitious in this stern +world. One can’t make people happy merely by reducing oneself, morally, +to a jelly. Sometimes, by that means, one can dodge battle and murder +and sudden death.”</p> + +<p>“It is terrible!” cried Valeria.</p> + +<p>“But meanwhile one lays the seed of future calamities, to avoid which +some other future woman will have to become jelly. The process always +reminds me of the old practice of the Anglo-Saxon kings, who used to buy +off the Danes when they threatened invasion, and so pampered the enemy +whom their successors would afterwards have to buy off at a still more +ruinous cost. I am buying off the Danes, Valeria.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XL" id="CHAPTER_XL"></a>CHAPTER XL.</h2> + + +<p><span class="dropcap">“D</span>O you know it is a year to-day, since we came to this cottage?” +exclaimed Mrs. Fullerton. “How the time flies!”</p> + +<p>The remark was made before the party settled to the evening’s whist.</p> + +<p>“You are looking very much better than you did a month after your +illness, Mrs. Fullerton,” said Joseph Fleming, who was to take a hand, +while Hadria played Grieg or Chopin, or Scottish melodies to please the +old people. The whist-players enjoyed music during the game.</p> + +<p>“Ah, I shall never be well,” said Mrs. Fullerton. “One can’t recover +from long worry, Mr. Fleming. Shall we cut for partners?”</p> + +<p>It was a quaint, low-pitched little room, filled with familiar furniture +from Dunaghee, which recalled the old place at every turn. The game went +on in silence. The cards were dealt, taken up, shuffled, sorted, played, +massed together, cut, dealt, sorted, and so on, round and round; four +grave faces deeply engrossed in the process, while the little room was +filled with music.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Fullerton had begun to feel slightly uneasy about her daughter. “So +much nursing has told upon her,” said everyone. The illness of the two +boys had come at an unfortunate moment. She looked worn and white, and +dreadfully thin. She seemed cheerful, and at times her mood was even +merry, but she could not recover strength. At the end of the day, she +would be completely exhausted. This had not been surprising at first, +after the long strain of nursing, but Mrs. Fullerton thought it was +time that she began to mend. She feared that Hadria spent too many hours +over her composing; she sat up at night, perhaps. What good did all this +composing do? Nobody ever heard of it. Such a sad pity that she could +not see the folly of persevering in the fruitless effort.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton was sure that Hadria saw too few people, lived too +monotonous a life. Craddock Place was filled with guests just now, and +Lady Engleton used her utmost persuasion to induce Hubert and Hadria to +come to dinner, or to join the party, in the evening, whenever they +could.</p> + +<p>Hadria shrank from the idea. It was adding another burden to her already +failing strength. To talk coherently, to be lively and make oneself +agreeable, to have to think about one’s dress,—it all seemed +inexpressibly wearisome. But Lady Engleton was so genuinely eager to +administer her cure that Hadria yielded, half in gratitude, half in +order to save the effort of further resistance.</p> + +<p>She dragged herself upstairs to dress, wishing to heaven she had +refused, after all. The thought of the lights, the sound of voices, the +complexity of elements and of life that she had to encounter, made her +shrink into herself. She had only one evening gown suitable for the +occasion. It was of some white silken stuff, with dull rich surface. A +bunch of yellow roses and green leaves formed the decoration. Hubert +approved of her appearance. To her own surprise she felt some new +feeling creep into her, under the influence of the exquisite attire. It +put her a little more in tune. At least there were beautiful and dainty +things in the world. The fresh green of the rose leaves, and the full +yet delicate yellow of the fragrant roses on the creamy lace, evoked a +feeling akin to the emotion stirred by certain kinds of music; or, in +other words, the artistic sensibility had been appealed to through +colour and texture, instead of through harmony.</p> + +<p>The drawing-room at Craddock Place was glowing with subdued +candle-light. Lady Engleton’s rooms carried one back to a past epoch, +among the dainty fancies and art of a more leisurely and less vulgar +century. Lady Engleton admitted nothing that had not the quality of +distinction, let it have what other quality it might. Hadria’s mood, +initiated at home, received impetus at Craddock Place. It was a +luxurious mood. She desired to receive rather than to give: to be +delicately ministered to; to claim the services of generations of +artists, who had toiled with fervour to attain that grand ease and +simplicity, through faithful labour and the benison of heaven.</p> + +<p>Hadria had attracted many eyes as she entered the room. Unquestionably +she was looking her best to-night, in spite of her extreme pallor. She +was worthy to take her place among the beautiful objects of art that +Lady Engleton had collected round her. She had the same quality. Hubert +vaguely perceived this. He heard the idea expressed in so many words by +a voice that he knew. He looked round, and saw Professor Theobald +bending confidentially towards Joseph Fleming.</p> + +<p>“Oh, Professor, I did not know you were to be here to-night!”</p> + +<p>“What has your guardian spirit been about, not to forewarn you?” asked +the Professor.</p> + +<p>“I am thinking of giving my guardian spirit a month’s warning,” returned +Hubert; “he has been extremely neglectful of late. And how have you been +getting on all this time, Professor?”</p> + +<p>Theobald gave some fantastic answer, and crossed the room to Mrs. +Temperley, who was by this time surrounded by a group of acquaintances, +among them Madame Bertaux, who had just come from Paris, and had news of +all Hadria’s friends there.</p> + +<p>“Mrs. Temperley, may I also ask for one passing glance of recognition?”</p> + +<p>Hadria turned round with a little start, and a sudden unaccountable +sense of disaster.</p> + +<p>“Professor Theobald!”</p> + +<p>She did not look pleased to see him, and as they shook hands, his mouth +shut sharply, as it always did when his self-love was wounded. Then, a +gleam of resolve or cunning came into his face, and the next instant he +was at his suavest.</p> + +<p>“Do you know, Mrs. Temperley, I scarcely recognized you when you first +came in. ‘Who can this beautiful, distinguished-looking woman be?’ I +said to myself.”</p> + +<p>Hadria smiled maliciously.</p> + +<p>“You think I am so much changed?”</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald began to chuckle.</p> + +<p>“The trowel, I see, is still your weapon,” she added, “but I am +surprised that you have not learnt to wield the implement of sway with +more dexterity, Professor.”</p> + +<p>“I am not accustomed to deal with such quick-witted ladies, Mrs. +Temperley.”</p> + +<p>“You shew your hand most frankly,” she answered; “it almost disarms +one.”</p> + +<p>A few introductory chords sounded through the room. Hadria was sitting +in front of the window, across which the pale green curtains had been +drawn. Many eyes wandered towards her.</p> + +<p>“I should like to paint you just like that,” murmured Lady Engleton; +“you can’t imagine what a perfect bit of harmony you make, with my +brocade.” A cousin of Lord Engleton was at the piano. He played an old +French gavotte.</p> + +<p>“That is the finishing touch,” added Lady Engleton, below her breath. “I +should like to paint you and the curtains and Claude Moreton’s gavotte +all together.”</p> + +<p>The performance was received with enthusiasm. It deepened Hadria’s mood, +set her pulses dancing. She assented readily to the request of her +hostess that she should play. She chose something fantastic and dainty. +It had a certain remoteness from life.</p> + +<p>“Like one of Watteau’s pictures,” said Claude Moreton, who was hanging +over the piano. He was tall and dark, with an expression that betrayed +his enthusiastic temperament. A group had collected, among them +Professor Theobald. Beside him stood Marion Fenwick, the bride whose +wedding had taken place at Craddock Church about eighteen months +before.</p> + +<p>It seemed as if Hadria were exercising some influence of a magnetic +quality. She was always the point of attraction, whether she created a +spell with her music, or her speech, or her mere personality. In her +present mood, this was peculiarly gratifying. The long divorce from +initiative work which events had compelled, the loss of nervous vigour, +the destruction of dream and hope, had all tended to throw her back on +more accessible forms of art and expression, and suggested passive +rather than active dealings with life. She was wearied with petty +responsibilities, and what she called semi-detached duties. It was a +relief to sit down in white silk and lace, and draw people to her simply +by the cheap spell of good looks and personal magnetism. That she +possessed these advantages, her life in Paris had made obvious. It was +the first time that she had been in contact with a large number of +widely differing types, and she had found that she could appeal to them +all, if she would. Since her return to England, anxieties and influences +extremely depressing had accustomed her to a somewhat gloomy atmosphere. +To-night the atmosphere was light and soft, brilliant and enervating.</p> + +<p>“This is my Capua,” she said laughingly, to her hostess.</p> + +<p>It invited every luxurious instinct to come forth and sun itself. Marion +Fenwick’s soft, sweet voice, singing Italian songs to the accompaniment +of the guitar, repeated the invitation.</p> + +<p>It was like a fairy gift. Energy would be required to refuse it. And +why, in heaven’s name, if she might not have what she really wanted, was +she to be denied even the poor little triumphs of ornamental womanhood? +Was the social order which had frustrated her own ambitions to dominate +her conscience, and persuade her voluntarily to resign that <em>one</em> +kingdom which cannot be taken from a woman, so long as her beauty lasts?</p> + +<p>Why should she abdicate? The human being was obviously susceptible to +personality beyond all other things. And beauty moved that absurd +creature preposterously. <em>There</em>, at least, the woman who chanced to be +born with these superficial attractions, had a royal territory, so long +as she could prevent her clamorous fellows from harassing and wearing +those attractions away. By no direct attack could the jealous powers +dethrone her. They could only do it indirectly, by appealing to the +conscience which they had trained; to the principles that they had +instilled; by convincing the woman that she owed herself, as a debt, to +her legal owner, to be paid in coined fragments of her being, till she +should end in inevitable bankruptcy, and the legal owner himself found +her a poor investment!</p> + +<p>It would have startled that roomful of people, who expressed everything +circuitously, pleasantly, without rough edges, had they read beneath +Mrs. Temperley’s spoken words, these unspoken thoughts.</p> + +<p>Marion Fenwick’s songs and the alluring softness of her guitar, seemed +the most fitting accompaniment to the warm summer night, whose breath +stirred gently the curtains by the open window, at the far end of the +room.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton was delighted with the success of her efforts. Mrs. +Temperley had not looked so brilliant, so full of life, since her +mother’s illness. Only yesterday, when she met her returning from the +Cottage, her eyes were like those of a dying woman, and now——!</p> + +<p>“People say ill-natured things about Mrs. Temperley,” she confided to an +intimate friend, “but that is because they don’t understand her.”</p> + +<p>People might have been forgiven for not understanding her, as perhaps +her hostess felt, noticing Hadria’s animation, and the extraordinary +power that she was wielding over everyone in the room, young and old. +That power seemed to burn in the deep eyes, whose expression changed +from moment to moment. Hadria’s cheeks, for once, had a faint tinge of +colour. The mysterious character of her beauty became more marked. +Professor Theobald followed her, with admiring and studious gaze. +Whether she had felt remorseful for her somewhat unfriendly greeting at +the beginning of the evening, or from some other cause, her manner to +him had changed. It was softer, less mocking. He perceived it instantly, +and pursued his advantage. The party still centred eagerly round the +piano. Hadria was under the influence of music; therefore less careful +and guarded than usual, more ready to sway on the waves of emotion. And +beyond all these influences, tending in the same direction, was the +underlying spirit of rebellion against the everlasting “Thou shalt not” +that met a woman at every point, and turned her back from all paths save +one. And following that one (so ran Hadria’s insurrectionary thoughts), +the obedient creature had to give up every weapon of her womanhood; +every grace, every power; tramping along that crowded highway, whereon +wayworn sisters toil forward, with bandaged eyes, and bleeding feet; and +as their charm fades, in the pursuing of their dusty pilgrimage, the +shouts, and taunts, and insults, and laughter of their taskmasters +follow them, while still they stumble on to the darkening land that +awaits them, at the journey’s end: Old Age, the vestibule of Death.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s eyes gleamed strangely.</p> + +<p>“They shall not have their way with me too easily. I can at least give +my pastors and masters a little trouble. I can at least fight for it, +losing battle though it be.”</p> + +<p>The only person who seemed to resist Hadria’s influence to-night, was +Mrs. Jordan, the mother of Marion Fenwick.</p> + +<p>“My dear madam,” said Professor Theobald, bending over the portly form +of Mrs. Jordan, “a woman’s first duty is to be charming.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, that comes naturally, Professor,” said Hadria, “though it is rather +for <em>you</em> than for <em>me</em> to say that. You are always missing +opportunities.”</p> + +<p>“Believe me, I will miss them no more,” he said emphatically.</p> + +<p>“Tell us <em>your</em> idea of a woman’s duty, Mrs. Jordan,” prompted Madame +Bertaux maliciously. Mrs. Jordan delivered herself of various immemorial +sentiments which met the usual applause. But Madame Bertaux said +brusquely that she thought if that sort of thing were preached at women +much longer, they would end by throwing over duty altogether, in sheer +disgust at the whole one-sided business. Mrs. Jordan bristled, and +launched herself upon a long and virtuous sentence. Her daughter Marion +looked up sharply when Madame Bertaux spoke. Then a timid, cautious +glance fell on her mother. Marion had lost her freshness and her +exquisite ætherial quality; otherwise there was little change in her +appearance. Hadria was struck by the way in which she had looked at +Madame Bertaux, and it occurred to her that Marion Fenwick was probably +not quite so acquiescent and satisfied as her friends supposed. But she +would not speak out. Early training had been too strong for her.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald was unusually serious to-night. He did not respond to +Hadria’s flippancy. He looked at her with grave, sympathetic eyes. He +seemed to intimate that he understood all that was passing in her mind, +and was not balked by sprightly appearances. There was no sign of +cynicism now, no bandying of compliments. His voice had a new ring of +sincerity. It was a mood that Hadria had noticed in him once or twice +before, and when it occurred, her sympathy was aroused; she felt that +she had done him injustice. <em>This</em> was evidently the real man; his +ordinary manner must be merely the cloak that the civilized being +acquires the habit of wrapping round him, as a protection against the +curiosity of his fellows. The Professor himself expressed it almost in +those words: “It is because of the infinite variety of type and the +complexity of modern life which the individual is called upon to +encounter, that a sort of fancy dress has to be worn by all of us, as a +necessary shield to our individuality and our privacy. We cannot go +through the complex process of adjustment to each new type that we come +across, so by common consent, we wear our domino, and respect the +unwritten laws of the great <em>bal masqué</em> that we call society.”</p> + +<p>The conversation took more and more intimate and serious turns. Mrs. +Jordan was the only check upon it. Madame Bertaux followed up her first +heresy by others even more bold.</p> + +<p>“Whenever one wants very particularly to have one’s way about a matter,” +she said, “one sneaks off and gets somebody else persuaded that it is +his duty to sacrifice himself for us—<em>c’est tout simple</em>—and the +chances are that he meekly does it. If he doesn’t, at least one has the +satisfaction of making him feel a guilty wretch, and setting oneself up +with a profitable grievance for life.”</p> + +<p>“To the true woman,” said Mrs. Jordan, who had ruled her family with a +rod of iron for thirty stern years, “there is no joy to equal that of +self-sacrifice.”</p> + +<p>“Except that of exacting it,” added Hadria.</p> + +<p>“I advise everyone desirous of dominion to preach that duty, in and out +of season,” said Madame Bertaux. “It is seldom that the victims even +howl, so well have we trained them.”</p> + +<p>“Truly I hope so!” cried Professor Theobald. “It must be most galling +when their lamentations prevent one from committing one’s justifiable +homicide in peace and quietness. Imagine the discomfort of having a +half-educated victim to deal with, who can’t hold his tongue and let one +perform the operation quietly and comfortably. It is enough to embitter +any Christian!”</p> + +<p>The party broke up, with many cordial expressions of pleasure, and +several plans were made for immediately meeting again. Lady Engleton was +delighted to see that Mrs. Temperley entered with animation, into some +projects for picnics and excursions in the neighbourhood.</p> + +<p>“Did I not tell you that all you wanted was a little lively society?” +she said, with genuine warmth, as the two women stood in the hall, a +little apart from the others.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s eye-lids suddenly fell and reddened slightly.</p> + +<p>“Oh, you are so kind!” she exclaimed, in a voice whose tones betrayed +the presence of suppressed tears.</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton, in astonishment, stretched out a sisterly hand, but +Hadria had vanished through the open hall door into the darkness +without.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLI" id="CHAPTER_XLI"></a>CHAPTER XLI.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">MRS. TEMPERLEY was much discussed at Craddock Place. Professor Theobald +preserved the same grave mood whenever she was present. He only returned +to his usual manner, in her absence. “Theobald has on his Mrs. Temperley +manner,” Claude Moreton used to say. The latter was himself among her +admirers.</p> + +<p>“I begin to be afraid that Claude is taking her too seriously,” Lady +Engleton remarked to her husband. He had fired up on one occasion when +Professor Theobald said something flippant about Mrs. Temperley. Claude +Moreton’s usual calmness had caused the sudden outburst to be noticed +with surprise. He hated Professor Theobald.</p> + +<p>“What possesses you both to let that fellow come here so much?”</p> + +<p>“The Professor? Oh, he is a very old friend, you know, and extremely +clever. One has to put up with his manner.”</p> + +<p>Claude Moreton grunted. “These, at any rate, are no reasons why Mrs. +Temperley should put up with his manner!”</p> + +<p>“But, my dear Claude, as you are always pointing out, the Professor has +a special manner which he keeps exclusively for her.”</p> + +<p>The special manner had already worked wonders. The Professor was to +Hadria by far the most entertaining person of the party. He had always +amused her, and even the first time she saw him, he had exercised a +strange, unpleasant fascination over her, which had put her on the +defensive, for she had disliked and distrusted him. The meetings in the +Priory gardens had softened her hostility, and now she began to feel +more and more that she had judged him unfairly. In those days she had a +strong pre-occupying interest. He had arrived on the scene at an +exciting moment, just when she was planning out her flight to Paris. +She had not considered the Professor’s character very deeply. There were +far too many other things to think of. It was simpler to avoid him. But +now everything had changed. The present moment was not exciting; she had +no plans and projects in her head; she was not about to court the fate +of Icarus. That fate had already overtaken her. The waves were closing +over-head; her wings were wet and crippled, in the blue depths. Why not +take what the gods had sent and make the most of it?</p> + +<p>The Professor had all sorts of strange lore, which he used, in his +conversations with Hadria, almost as a fisherman uses his bait. If she +shewed an inclination to re-join the rest of the party, he always +brought out some fresh titbit of curious learning, and Hadria was seldom +able to resist the lure.</p> + +<p>They met often, almost of necessity. It was impossible to feel a +stranger to the Professor, in these circumstances of frequent and +informal meeting. Often when Hadria happened to be alone with him, she +would become suddenly silent, as if she no longer felt the necessity to +talk or to conceal her weariness. The Professor knew it too well; he saw +how heavily the burden of life weighed upon her, and how it was often +almost more than she could do, to drag through the day. She craved for +excitement, no matter of what kind, in order to help her to forget her +weariness. Her anxiety about Professor Fortescue preyed upon her. She +was restless, over-wrought, with every nerve on edge, unable now for +consecutive work, even had events permitted it. She followed the advice +and took the medicines of a London doctor, whom Mrs. Fullerton had +entreated her to consult, but she gained no ground.</p> + +<p>“I begin to understand how it is that people take to drinking,” she said +to Algitha, who used to bemoan this vice, with its terrible results, of +which she had seen so much.</p> + +<p>“Ah! don’t talk of it in that light way!” cried Algitha. “It is the +fashion to treat it airily, but if people only knew what an awful curse +it is, I think they would feel ashamed to be ‘moderate’ and indifferent +about it.”</p> + +<p>“I don’t mean to treat it or anything that brings harm and suffering +‘moderately,’” returned Hadria. “I mean only that I can see why the vice +is so common. It causes forgetfulness, and I suppose most people crave +for that.”</p> + +<p>“I think, Hadria, if I may be allowed to say so, that you are finding +your excitement in another direction.”</p> + +<p>“You mean that I am trying to find a substitute for the pleasures of +drunkenness in those of flirtation.”</p> + +<p>“I should not like to think that you had descended to <em>conscious</em> +flirtation.”</p> + +<p>Hadria looked steadily into the flames. They were in the morning-room, +where towards night-fall, even in summer, a small fire usually burnt in +the grate.</p> + +<p>“When I remember what you used to think and what you used to be to us +all, in the old days at Dunaghee, I feel bitterly pained at what you are +doing, Hadria. You don’t know where it may lead to, and besides it seems +so beneath you in every way.”</p> + +<p>“Appeals to the conscience!” cried Hadria, “I knew they would begin!”</p> + +<p>“You knew <em>what</em> would begin?”</p> + +<p>“Appeals, exhortations to forego the sole remaining interest, +opportunity, or amusement that is left one! Ah, dear Algitha, I know you +mean it kindly and I admire you for speaking out, but I am not going to +be cajoled in that way! I am not going to be turned back and set +tramping along the stony old road, so long as I can find a pleasanter +by-way to loiter in. It sounds bad I know. Our drill affects us to the +last, through every fibre. My duty! By what authority do people choose +for me my duty? If I can be forced to abide by their decision in the +matter, let them be satisfied with their power to coerce me, but let +them leave my conscience alone. It does not dance to their piping.”</p> + +<p>“But you cannot care for this sort of excitement, Hadria.”</p> + +<p>“If I can get nothing else——?”</p> + +<p>“Even then, I can’t see what you can find in it to make you willing to +sink from your old ideals.”</p> + +<p>“Ideals! A woman with ideals is like a drowning creature with a +mill-stone round its neck! I have had enough of ideals!”</p> + +<p>“It is a sad day to me when I hear you say so, Hadria!” the sister +exclaimed.</p> + +<p>“Algitha, there is just one solitary weapon that <em>can’t</em> be taken from a +woman—and so it is considerately left to her. Ah, it is a dangerous toy +when brandished dexterously! Sometimes it sends a man or two away +howling. Our pastors and masters have a wholesome dread of the murderous +thing—and what wails, and satires, and lamentations it inspires! +Consult the literature of all lands and ages! Heaven-piercing! The only +way of dealing with the awkward dilemma is to get the woman persuaded to +be ‘good,’ and to lay down her weapon of her own accord, and let it +rust. How many women have been so persuaded! Not I!”</p> + +<p>“I know, and I understand how you feel; but oh, Hadria, <em>this</em> is not +the way to fight, <em>this</em> will bring no good to anyone. And as for +admiration, the admiration of men—why, you know it is not worth +having—of this sort.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, do I not know it! It is less than worthless. But I am not seeking +anything of permanent value; I am seeking excitement, and the +superficial satisfaction of brandishing the weapon that everyone would +be charmed to see me lay in the dust. I <em>won’t</em> lay it down to please +anybody. Dear me, it will soon rust of its own accord. You might as well +ask some luckless warrior who stands at bay, facing overwhelming odds, +to yield up his sword and leave himself defenceless. It is an insult to +one’s common sense.”</p> + +<p>Algitha’s remonstrance seemed only to inflame her sister’s mood, so she +said no more. But she watched Hadria’s increasingly reckless conduct, +with great uneasiness.</p> + +<p>“It really <em>is</em> exciting!” exclaimed Hadria, with a strange smile. The +whole party had migrated for the day, to the hills at a distance of +about ten miles from Craddock Dene. A high spot had been chosen, on the +edge of woodland shade, looking out over a wide distance of plain and +far-off ranges. Here, as Claude Moreton remarked, they were to spoil the +landscape, by taking their luncheon.</p> + +<p>“Or what is worse, by giving ourselves rheumatism,” added Lord +Engleton.</p> + +<p>“What grumbling creatures men are!” exclaimed his wife, “and what +pleasures they lose for themselves and make impossible for others, by +this stupid habit of dwelling upon the disadvantages of a situation, +instead of on its charms.”</p> + +<p>“We ought to dwell upon the fowl and the magnificent prospect, and +ignore the avenging rheumatism,” said Claude Moreton.</p> + +<p>“Oh no, guard against it,” advised Algitha, with characteristic common +sense. “Sit on this waterproof, for instance.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, there you have the true philosophy!” cried Professor Theobald. +“Contentment and forethought. Observe the symbol of forethought.” He +spread the waterproof to the wind.</p> + +<p>“There is nothing like a contented spirit!” cried Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Who is it that says you knock a man into a ditch, and then you tell him +to remain content in the position in which Providence has placed him?” +asked Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Even contentment has its dangers,” said Claude Moreton, dreamily.</p> + +<p>At the end of the meal, Hadria rose from the rug where she had been +reclining, with the final assertion, that she thought the man who was +knocked into the ditch and told to do his duty there, would do the best +service to mankind, as well as to himself, by making a horrid clamour +and trying to get out again. A group collected round her, almost +immediately.</p> + +<p>“Mrs. Fenwick, won’t you give us a song!” cried Madame Bertaux. “I see +you have been kind enough to bring your guitar.”</p> + +<p>Marion was enthroned upon the picnic-basket, with much pomp, and her +guitar placed in her hand by Claude Moreton. Her figure, in her white +gown and large straw hat, had for background the shadows of thick woods.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald sank down on the grass at Hadria’s side. She felt +that his mood was agitated. She could not be in much doubt as to its +cause. The reckless <em>rôle</em> that she had been playing was bringing its +result. Hadria was half alarmed, half exultant. She had a strange, vague +notion of selling her life dearly, to the enemy. Only, of late, this +feeling had been mixed with another, of which she was scarcely +conscious. The subtle fascination which the Professor exercised over her +had taken a stronger hold, far stronger than she knew.</p> + +<p>She was sitting on a little knoll, her arm resting on her knee, and her +cheek in her hand. In the exquisitely graceful attitude, was an element +of self-abandonment. It seemed as if she had grown tired of guiding and +directing herself, and were now commending herself to fate or fortune, +to do with her as they would, or must.</p> + +<p>Marion struck a quiet chord. Her voice was sweet and tender and full, +admirably suited to the song. Every nerve in Hadria answered to her +tones.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0a">“Oh, gather me the rose, the rose<br /></span> +<span class="i0">While yet in flower we find it;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For summer smiles, but summer goes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And winter waits behind it.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0a">“For with the dream foregone, foregone,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The deed foreborne for ever,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The worm regret will canker on,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And time will turn him never.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Professor Theobald shifted his position slightly.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0a">“Ah, well it were to love, my love,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And cheat of any laughter<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The fate beneath us and above,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The dark before and after.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0a">“The myrtle and the rose, the rose,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The sunlight and the swallow,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The dream that comes, the dream that goes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The memories that follow.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>The song was greeted with a vague stir among the silent audience. A +little breeze gave a deep satisfied sigh, among the trees.</p> + +<p>Several other songs followed, and then the party broke up. They were to +amuse themselves as they pleased during the afternoon, and to meet on +the same spot for five o’clock tea.</p> + +<p>“I <em>wish</em> Hadria would not be so reckless!” cried Algitha anxiously. +“Have you seen her lately?”</p> + +<p>“When last I saw her,” said Valeria, “she had strolled off with the +Professor and Mr. Moreton. Mr. Fleming and Lord Engleton were following +with Mrs. Fenwick.”</p> + +<p>“There is safety in numbers, at any rate, but I am distressed about her. +It is all very well what she says, about not allowing her woman’s sole +weapon to be wrenched from her, but she can’t use it in this way, +safely. One can’t play with human emotions without coming to grief.”</p> + +<p>“A man, at any rate, has no idea of being led an emotional dance,” said +Miss Du Prel.</p> + +<p>“Hadria has, I believe, at the bottom of her heart, a lurking desire to +hurt men, because they have hurt women so terribly,” said Algitha.</p> + +<p>“One can understand the impulse, but the worst of it is, that one is +certain to pay back the score on the good man, and let the other go +free.”</p> + +<p>Algitha shook her head, regretfully.</p> + +<p>“Did Hadria never show this impulse before?”</p> + +<p>“Never in my life have I seen her exercise her power so ruthlessly.”</p> + +<p>“I rather think she is wise after all,” said Miss Du Prel reflectively. +“She might be sorry some day never to have tasted what she is tasting +now.”</p> + +<p>“But it seems to me dreadful. There is not a man who is not influenced +by her in the strangest manner; even poor Joseph Fleming, who used to +look up to her so. In my opinion, she is acting very wrongly.”</p> + +<p>“‘He that has eaten his fill does not pity the hungry,’ as the Eastern +proverb puts it. Come now, Algitha, imagine yourself to be cut off from +the work that supremely interests you, and thrown upon Craddock Dene +without hope of respite, for the rest of your days. Don’t you think you +too might be tempted to try experiments with a power whose strength you +had found to be almost irresistible?”</p> + +<p>“Perhaps I should,” Algitha admitted.</p> + +<p>“I don’t say she is doing right, but you must remember that you have +not the temperament that prompts to these outbursts. I suppose that is +only to say that you are better than Hadria, by nature. I think perhaps +you are, but remember you have had the life and the work that you chose +above all others—she has not.”</p> + +<p>“Heaven knows I don’t set myself above Hadria,” cried Algitha. “I have +always looked up to her. Don’t you know how painful it is when people +you respect do things beneath them?”</p> + +<p>“Hadria will disappoint us all in some particular,” said Miss Du Prel. +“She will not correspond exactly to anybody’s theory or standard, not +even her own. It is a defect which gives her character a quality of the +unexpected, that has for me, infinite attraction.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel had never shewn so much disposition to support Hadria’s +conduct as now, when disapproval was general. She had a strong +fellow-feeling for a woman who desired to use her power, and she was +half disposed to regard her conduct as legitimate. At any rate, it was a +temptation almost beyond one’s powers of resistance. If a woman might +not do this, what, in heaven’s name, <em>might</em> she do? Was she not +eternally referred to her woman’s influence, her woman’s kingdom? Surely +a day’s somewhat murderous sport was allowable in <em>that</em> realm! After +all, energy, ambition, nervous force, <em>must</em> have an outlet somewhere. +Men could look after themselves. They had no mercy on women when they +lay in their power. Why should a woman be so punctilious?</p> + +<p>“Only the man is sure to get the best of it,” she added, bitterly. “He +loses so little. It is a game where the odds are all on one side, and +the conclusion foregone.”</p> + +<p>Unexpectedly, the underwood behind the speakers was brushed aside and +Hadria appeared before them. She looked perturbed.</p> + +<p>“What is it? Why are you by yourself?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, our party split up, long ago, into cliques, and we all became so +select, that, at last, we reduced each clique to one member. Behold the +very acme of selectness!” Hadria stood before them, in an attitude of +hauteur.</p> + +<p>“This sounds like evasion,” said Algitha.</p> + +<p>“And if it were, what right have you to try to force me to tell what I +do not volunteer?”</p> + +<p>“True,” said her sister; “I beg your pardon.”</p> + +<p>Miss Du Prel rose. “I will leave you to yourselves,” she said, walking +away.</p> + +<p>Hadria sat down and rested one elbow on the grass, looking over the +sweep of the hill towards the distance. “That is almost like our old +vision in the caves, Algitha; mist and distant lands—it was a false +prophecy. You were talking about me when I came up, were you not?”</p> + +<p>“Did you hear?”</p> + +<p>“No, but I feel sure of it.”</p> + +<p>“Well, I confess it,” said Algitha. “We are both very uneasy about you.”</p> + +<p>“If one never did anything all one’s life to make one’s friends uneasy, +I wonder if one would have any fun.”</p> + +<p>Algitha shook her head anxiously.</p> + +<p>“‘Choose what you want and pay for it,’ is the advice of some accredited +sage,” Hadria observed.</p> + +<p>“Women have to pay so high,” said Algitha.</p> + +<p>“So much the worse, but there is such a thing as false economy.”</p> + +<p>“But seriously, Hadria, if one may speak frankly, I can’t see that the +game is worth the candle. You have tested your power sufficiently. What +more do you want? Claude Moreton is too nice and too good a man to +trifle with. And poor Joseph Fleming! That is to me beyond everything.”</p> + +<p>Hadria flushed deeply.</p> + +<p>“I never dreamt that he—I—I never tried, never thought for a +moment——”</p> + +<p>“Ah! that is just the danger, Hadria. Your actions entail unintended +consequences. As Miss Du Prel says, ‘It is always the good men whom one +wounds; the others wound us.’” Hadria was silent. “And Claude Moreton,” +continued Algitha presently. “He is far too deeply interested in you, +far too absorbed in what you say and do. I have watched him. It is +cruel.”</p> + +<p>Hadria grew fierce. “Has <em>he</em> never cruelly injured a woman? Has <em>he</em> +not at least given moral support to the hideous indignities that all +womanhood has to endure at men’s hands? At best one can make a man +suffer. But men also humiliate us, degrade us, jeer at, ridicule the +miseries that they and their society entail upon us. Yet for sooth, they +must be spared the discomfort of becoming a little infatuated with a +woman for a time—a short time, at worst! Their feelings must be +considered so tenderly!”</p> + +<p>“But what good do you do by your present conduct?” asked Algitha, +sticking persistently to the practical side of the matter.</p> + +<p>“I am not trying to do good. I am merely refusing to obey these rules +for our guidance, which are obviously drawn up to safeguard man’s +property and privilege. Whenever I can find a man-made precept, that +will I carefully disobey; whenever the ruling powers seek to guide me +through my conscience, there shall they fail!”</p> + +<p>“You forget that in playing with the feelings of others you are placing +yourself in danger, Hadria. How can you be sure that you won’t yourself +fall desperately in love with one of your intended victims?” Hadria’s +eyes sparkled.</p> + +<p>“I wish to heaven I only could!” she exclaimed. “I would give my right +hand to be in the sway of a complete undoubting, unquestioning passion +that would make all suffering and all life seem worth while; some +emotion to take the place of my lost art, some full and satisfying sense +of union with a human soul to rescue one from the ghastly solitude of +life. But I am raving like a girl. I am crying for the moon.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, take care, take care, Hadria; that is a mood in which one may +mistake any twopenny-halfpenny little luminary for the impossible moon.”</p> + +<p>“I think I should be almost ready to bless the beautiful illusion,” +cried Hadria passionately.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLII" id="CHAPTER_XLII"></a>CHAPTER XLII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">IN the conversation with her sister, the name which Hadria had dreaded +to hear had not been mentioned. She felt as if she could not have met +her sister’s eyes, at that moment, had she alluded to Professor +Theobald; for only five minutes before, in the wood, he had spoken to +her in a way that was scarcely possible to misunderstand, though his +wording was so cautious that she could not have taken offence, had she +been so minded, without drawing upon herself the possible retort. “My +dear lady, you have completely misunderstood me.” The thought made her +flush painfully. But suppose he really <em>had</em> meant what his words seemed +to imply? He could intend no insult, because he despised, and knew that +she despised, popular social creeds. Into what new realms was she +drifting? There was something attractive to Hadria, in the idea of +defying the world’s laws. It was not as the dutiful property of another, +but as herself, a separate and responsible individual, that she would +act and feel, rightly or wrongly, as the case might be. That was a +matter between herself and her conscience, not between herself and the +world or her legal owner.</p> + +<p>The Professor’s ambiguous and yet startling speech had forced her to +consider her position. She remembered how her instinct had always been +to hold him aloof from her life, just because, as she now began to +believe, there was something in him that powerfully attracted her. She +had feared an attraction that appeared unjustified by the man’s +character. But now the fascination had begun to take a stronger grip, as +the pre-occupying ideas of her life had been chased from their places. +It had insensibly crept in to fill the empty throne. So long as she had +cherished hope, so long as she was still struggling, this insidious +half-magnetic influence had been easily resisted. Now, she was set +adrift; her anchor was raised; she lay at the wind’s mercy, +half-conscious of the peril and not caring.</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald had an acute perception of the strange and confused +struggle that was going on in her mind. But he had no notion of the +peculiar reasons, in her case, for an effect that he knew to be far from +rare among women; he did not understand the angry, corroding action of a +strong artistic impulse that was incessantly baulked in full tide. The +sinister, menacing voices of that tide had no meaning for him, except as +expressing a <em>malaise</em> which he had met with a hundred times before. He +put it down to an excess of emotional or nervous energy, in a nature +whose opportunities did not offer full scope to its powers. He had +grasped the general conditions, but he had not perceived the particular +fact that added tenfold to the evil which exists in the more usual, and +less complicated case.</p> + +<p>He thought but little of a musical gift, having no sympathy with music; +and since he had never known what it was to receive anything but help +and encouragement in the exercise of his own talents, the effect upon +the mind and character of such an experience as Hadria’s, was beyond the +range of his conceptions. He understood subtly, and misunderstood +completely, at one and the same time. But to Hadria, every syllable +which revealed how much he did understand, seemed to prove, by +implication, that he understood the whole. It never occurred to her that +he was blinder than Henriette herself, to the real centre and heart of +the difficulty.</p> + +<p>It has been said that what the human being longs for above all things, +is to be understood: that he prefers it infinitely to being over-rated. +Professor Theobald gave Hadria this desired sensation. His attraction +for her was composed of many elements, and it was enhanced by the fact +that she had now grown so used to his presence, as to cease to notice +many little traits that had repelled her, at the beginning. Her critical +instincts were lulled. Thus had come to pass that which is by no means +an uncommon incident in human history: a toleration for and finally a +strong attraction towards a nature that began by creating distrust, and +even dislike.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s instinct now was to hunt up reasons for desiring the society of +Professor Theobald, for the gladness that she felt at the prospect of +seeing him. She wished to explain to herself how it was that he had +become so prominent a figure in her life. It was surprising how rapidly +and how completely he had taken a central position. Her feeling towards +him, and her admiring affection for Professor Fortescue, were as +different as night from day. She shrank from comparing the two emotions, +because at the bottom of her heart, she felt how infinitely less fine +and sound was this latter attachment, how infinitely less to be +welcomed. If any one spoke disparagingly of Professor Theobald, Hadria’s +instinct was to stand up for him, to find ingenious reasons for his +words or his conduct that threw upon him the most favourable light, and +her object was as much to persuade herself as to convince her +interlocutor. What the Professor had said this afternoon, had brought +her to a point whence she had to review all these changes and +developments of her feeling. She puzzled herself profoundly. In +remembering those few words, she was conscious of a little thrill +of—not joy (the word was too strong), but of something akin to it. She +thought—and then laughed at herself—that it had a resemblance to the +sensation that is caused to the mind by the suggestion of some new and +entrancingly interesting idea—say about astronomy! And if she consulted +her mere wishes in the matter, apart from all other considerations, she +would explore farther in this direction. Whether curiosity or sentiment +actuated her, she could not detect. It would certainly be deeply +exciting to find out what her own nature really was, and still more so +to gain greater insight into his. Was this heartless, cold-blooded? Or +was it that she felt a lurking capacity for a feeling stronger than—or +at any rate different from—any that she had hitherto felt? This was a +secret that she could not discover. Hadria gave a frightened start. Was +she finding herself to be bad in a way that she had never suspected? If +she could but fully and completely escape from tradition, so that her +judgment might be quite unhampered. Tradition seemed either to make +human beings blindly submissive, or to tempt them to act out of an +equally blind opposition to its canons. One could never be entirely +independent. In her confusion, she longed to turn to some clear mind and +sound conscience, not so much for advice, as in order to test the effect +upon such a mind and conscience of the whole situation.</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue was the only person upon whose judgment and feeling +she could absolutely rely. What would he think of her? His impression +would be the best possible guide, for no one opposed more strongly than +he did the vulgar notion of proprietary rights between husband and wife, +no one asserted more absolutely the independence of the individual. Yet +Hadria could not imagine that he would be anything but profoundly sorry, +if he knew the recklessness of her feeling, and the nature of her +sentiment for Professor Theobald. But then he did not know how she +stood; he did not know that the blue hopeful distance of life had +disappeared; that even the middle-distance had been cut off, and that +the sticks and stones and details of a very speckly foreground now +confronted her immovably. She would like to learn how many women of her +temperament, placed in her position, would stop to enquire very closely +into the right and wrong of the matter, when for a moment, a little +avenue seemed on the point of opening, misty and blue, leading the eye +to hidden perilous distances.</p> + +<p>And then Professor Theobald had, after all, many fine qualities. He was +complex, and he had faults like the rest of us; but the more one knew +him, the more one felt his kindness of heart (how good he was to little +Martha), his readiness to help others, his breadth of view and his +sympathy. These were not common qualities. He was a man whom one could +admire, despite certain traits that made one shrink a little, at times. +These moreover had disappeared of late. They were accidental rather than +intrinsic. It was a matter of daily observation that people catch +superficial modes of thought and speech, just as they catch accent, or +as women who have given no thought to the art of dress, sometimes +misrepresent themselves, by adopting, unmodified, whatever happens to be +in the fashion. Hadria had a wistful desire to be able to respect +Professor Theobald without reserve, to believe in him thoroughly, to +think him noble in calibre and fine in fibre. She had a vague idea that +emphatic statement would conduce to making all this true.</p> + +<p>She had never met him alone since that day of the picnic, except for a +few chance minutes, when he had expressed over again, rather in tone +than in words, the sentiment before implied.</p> + +<p>Algitha and Miss Du Prel were relieved to see that Hadria had, after +all, taken their advice. Without making any violent or obvious change in +her conduct, she had ceased to cause her friends anxiety. Something in +her manner had changed. Claude Moreton felt it instantly. He spoke of +leaving Craddock Place, but he lingered on. The house had begun to +empty. Lady Engleton wished to have some time to herself. She was +painting a new picture. But Professor Theobald remained. Joseph Fleming +went away to stay with his married sister. About this time Hubert had to +go abroad to attend to some business matters of a serious and tedious +character, connected with a law-suit in which he was professionally +interested.</p> + +<p>From some instinct which Hadria found difficult to account for, she +avoided meeting the Professor alone. Yet the whole interest of the day +centred in the prospect of seeing him. If by chance, she missed him, she +felt flat and dull, and found herself going over in her mind every +detail of their last meeting. He had the art of making his most +trifling remark interesting. Even his comments on the weather had a +colour and quality of their own. Lady Engleton admired his lightness of +touch.</p> + +<p>“Did you know that our amiable Professor shews his devotion to you, by +devotion to your <em>protégée</em>?” she asked one day, when she met Hadria +returning from the Priory with the two boys, whose holidays were not yet +over. “I saw him coming out of the child’s cottage this morning, and she +shewed me the toy he had given her.”</p> + +<p>“He is very fond of her, I know,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“He gives her lots of things!” cried Jack, opening round and envious +eyes.</p> + +<p>“How do <em>you</em> know, sir?” enquired Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Because Mary says so,” Jack returned.</p> + +<p>Hadria was pleased at the kindness which the act seemed to indicate.</p> + +<p>The doctor had ordered her to be in the open air as much as possible, +and to take a walk every day. Sometimes she would walk with the boys, +sometimes alone. In either case, the thought of Professor Theobald +pursued her. She often grew wearied with it, but it could not be +banished. If she saw a distant figure on the road, a little sick, +excited stir of the heart, betrayed her suspicion that it might be he. +She could not sincerely wish herself free from the strange infatuation, +for the thought of life without it, troublesome and fatiguing though it +was, seemed inexpressibly dull. It had taken the colour out of +everything. It had altered the very face of nature, in her eyes. Her +hope had been to escape loneliness, but with this preposterous secret, +she was lonelier than she had ever been before. She could no longer make +a confidante of herself. She was afraid of her own ridicule, her own +blame, above all of finding herself confronted with some accusation +against the Professor, some overpowering reason for thinking poorly of +him. Whenever they met, she was in terror lest he should leave her no +alternative. She often opened conversational channels by which he could +escape his unknown peril, and she would hold her breath till it was +over. She dreaded the cool-headed, ruthless critic, lurking within her +own consciousness, who would hear of no ingenious explanations of words +or conduct. But she would not admit to this dread—that would have been +to admit everything. She had not the satisfaction of openly thinking the +matter out, for the suspicion that so profoundly saddened her, must be +kept scrupulously hidden. Hadria was filled with dismay when she dared +to glance at the future. No wonder Valeria had warned her against +playing with fire! Was it always like this when people fell in love? +What a ridiculous, uncomfortable, outrageous thing it was! How +destructive to common sense and sanity and everything that kept life +running on reasonable lines. A poor joke at best, and oh, how stale!</p> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<p>“Shall I tell you your ruling passion, Mrs. Temperley?”</p> + +<p>“If you can, Professor Theobald.”</p> + +<p>Before them stretched a woodland glade. The broad fronds of the bracken +made bright patches of light where the sun caught them, and tall plants, +such as hemlock and wild parsley, stood out, almost white against the +shade; the flies and midges moving round them in the warmth. At some +distance behind, the sound of voices could be heard through the windings +of the wood. There were snatches of song and laughter.</p> + +<p>“Your ruling passion is power over others.”</p> + +<p>“It has been sadly thwarted then,” she answered, with a nervous laugh.</p> + +<p>“Thwarted? Surely not. What more can you want than to touch the emotions +of every one who comes across your path? It is a splendid power, and +ought to be more satisfying to the possessor than a gift of any other +kind.”</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald waited for her reply, but she made none.</p> + +<p>He looked at her fixedly, eagerly. She could do nothing but walk on in +silence.</p> + +<p>“Even an actor does not impress himself so directly upon his fellows as +a woman of—well, a woman like yourself. A painter, a writer, a +musician, never comes in touch at all with his public. We hear his name, +we admire or we decry his works, but the man or the woman who has +toiled, and felt, and lived, is unknown to us. He is lost in his work.”</p> + +<p>Hadria gave a murmur of assent.</p> + +<p>“But you, Mrs. Temperley, have a very different story to tell. It is +<em>you</em>, yourself, your personality, in all its many-sided charm that we +all bow to; it is <em>you</em>, not your achievements that—that we love.”</p> + +<p>Hadria cleared her throat; the words would not come. A rebellious little +nerve was twitching at her eye-lid. After all, what in heaven’s name was +she to say? It was too foolish to pretend to misunderstand; for tone, +look, manner all told the same story; yet even now there was nothing +absolutely definite to reply to, and her cleverness of retort had +deserted her.</p> + +<p>“Ah! Mrs. Temperley—Hadria——” Professor Theobald had stopped short in +the path, and then Hadria made some drowning effort to resist the force +that she still feared. But it was in vain. She stood before him, paler +even than usual, with her head held high, but eye-lids that drooped and +lips that trembled. The movement of the leaves made faint quivering +little shadows on her white gown, and stirred delicately over the lace +at her throat. The emotion that possessed her, the mixture of joy and +dismay and even terror, passed across her face, in the moment’s silence. +The two figures stood opposite to one another; Hadria drawing a little +away, swayed slightly backward, the Professor eagerly bending forward. +He was on the point of speaking, when there came floating through the +wood, the sound of a woman’s voice singing. The voice was swiftly +recognised by them both, and the song.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s eye-lids lifted for a second, and her breathing quickened.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0a">“Oh, gather me the rose, the rose,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">While yet in flower we find it;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For summer smiles, but summer goes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And winter waits behind it.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0a">“For with the dream foregone, foregone,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The deed foreborne for ever,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The worm regret will canker on,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And time will turn him never.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Professor Theobald advanced a step. Hadria drew back.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0a">“So well it were to love, my love,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And cheat of any laughter<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The fate beneath us and above,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The dark before and after.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0a">“The myrtle and the rose, the rose,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The sunshine and the swallow,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The dream that comes, the dream that goes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The memories that follow!”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>The sweet cadence died away. A bird’s note took up the dropped thread of +music. The Professor broke into passionate speech.</p> + +<p>“My cause is pleaded in your own language, Hadria, Hadria; listen to it, +listen. You know what is in my heart; I can’t apologize for feeling it, +for I have no choice; no man has where you are concerned, as you must +have discovered long ago. And I do not apologize for telling you the +truth, you know it does you no wrong. This is no news to you; you must +have guessed it from the first. Your coldness, your rebuffs, betrayed +that you did. But, ah! I have struggled long enough. I can keep silence +no longer. I have thought of late that your feeling for me had changed; +a thousand things have made me hope—good heavens, if you knew what that +means to a man who had lost it! Ah! speak—don’t look like that, +Hadria,—what is there in me that you always turn from? Speak, speak!”</p> + +<p>“Ah! life is horribly difficult!” she exclaimed. “I wish to heaven I +had never budged from the traditions in which I was educated—either +that, or that everybody had discarded them. I feel one way and think +another.”</p> + +<p>“Then you do love me, Hadria,” he cried.</p> + +<p>Her instinct was to deny the truth, but there seemed to her something +mean in concealment, especially if she were to blame, especially if +those who respected tradition, and made it their guide and rule through +thick and thin, in the very teeth of reason, were right after all, as it +seemed to her, at this moment, that they were. If there were evil in +this strange passion, let her at least acknowledge her share in it. Let +her not “assume a virtue though she had it not.”</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald was watching her face, as for a verdict of life and +death.</p> + +<p>“Oh, answer me, answer me—Yes or no, yes or no?” She had raised her +eyes for a moment, about to speak; the words were stifled at their +birth, for the next instant she was in his arms. Again came the voice of +the singer, nearer this time. The song was hummed softly.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0a">“Oh, gather me the rose, the rose,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">While yet in flower we find it,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For summer smiles, but summer goes,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And winter waits behind it.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLIII" id="CHAPTER_XLIII"></a>CHAPTER XLIII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">THE need for vigilance over that hidden distrust was more peremptory now +than ever. The confession once made, the die once cast, anything but +complete faith and respect became intolerable. Outwardly, affairs seemed +to run on very much as before. But Hadria could scarcely believe that +she was living in the same world. The new fact walked before her, +everywhere. She did not dare to examine it closely. She told herself +that a great joy had come to her, or rather that she had taken the joy +in spite of everything and everybody. She would order her affections +exactly as she chose. If only she could leave Craddock Dene! Hubert and +her parents considered the opinion of the public as of more importance +than anything else in life; for her mother’s sake she was forced to +acquiesce; otherwise there was absolutely no reason why she and Hubert +should live under the same roof. It was a mere ceremony kept up on +account of others. That had been acknowledged by him in so many words. +And a wretched, ridiculous, irksome ceremony it was for them both.</p> + +<p>Hadria refused now to meet Professor Theobald at the Cottage. His visits +there, which had been timed to meet her, must be paid at a different +hour. He remonstrated in vain. She shewed various other inconsistencies, +as he called them. He used to laugh affectionately at her “glimpses of +conscience,” but said he cared nothing for these trifles, since he had +her assurance that she loved him. How he had waited and longed for that! +How hopeless, how impossible it had seemed. He professed to have fallen +in love at first sight. He even declared that Hadria had done the same, +though in a different way, without knowing it. Her mind had resisted +and, for the time, kept her feelings in abeyance. He had watched the +struggle. Her heart, he rejoiced to believe, had responded to him from +the beginning. By dint of repeating this very often, he had half +convinced Hadria that it was so. She preferred to think that her feeling +was of the long-standing and resistless kind.</p> + +<p>Sometimes she had intervals of reckless happiness, when all doubts were +kept at bay, and the condition of belief that she assiduously +cultivated, remained with her freely. She felt no secret tug at the +tether. Professor Theobald would then be at his best; grave, thoughtful, +gentle, considerate, responsive to every mood.</p> + +<p>When they met at Craddock Place and elsewhere, Hadria suffered miseries +of anxiety. She was terrified lest he should do or say something in bad +taste, and that she would see her own impression confirmed on the faces +of others. She put it to herself that she was afraid people would not +understand him as she did. The history of his past life, as he had +related it to her, appealed overpoweringly to all that was womanly and +protective in her nature. He was emotional by temperament, but +circumstance had doomed him to repression and solitude. This call on her +sympathy did more than anything to set Hadria’s mind at rest. She gave a +vast sigh when that feeling of confidence became confirmed. Life, then, +need no longer be ridiculous! Hard and cruel it might be, full of lost +dreams, but at least there would be something in it that was perfect. +This new emotional centre offered the human <em>summum bonum</em>: release from +oneself.</p> + +<p>Hadria and the Professor met, one morning, in the gardens of the Priory. +Hadria had been strolling down the yew avenue, her thoughts full of him, +as usual. She reached the seat at the end where once Professor Fortescue +had found her—centuries ago, it seemed to her now. How different was +<em>this</em> meeting! Professor Theobald came by the path through the thick +shrubberies, behind the seat. There was a small space of grass at the +back. Here he stood, bending over the seat, and though he was usually +prudent, he did not even assure himself that no one was in sight, before +drawing Hadria’s head gently back, and stooping to kiss her on the +cheek, while he imprisoned a hand in each of his. She flushed, and +looked hastily down the avenue.</p> + +<p>“I wonder what our fate would be, if anyone had been there?” she said, +with a little shudder.</p> + +<p>“No one was there, darling.” He stood leaning over the high back of the +seat, looking down at his companion, with a smile.</p> + +<p>“Do you know,” he said, “I fear I shall have to go up to town to-morrow, +for the day.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s face fell. She hated him to go away, even for a short time; she +could not endure her own thoughts when his influence was withdrawn. His +presence wrapped her in a state of dream, a false peace which she +courted.</p> + +<p>“Oh no, no,” she cried, with a childish eagerness that was entirely +unlike her, “don’t go.”</p> + +<p>“Do you really care so very much?” he asked, with a deep flush of +pleasure.</p> + +<p>“Of course I do, of course.” Her thoughts wandered off through strange +by-ways. At times, they would pass some black cavernous entrance to +unknown labyrinths, and the frightened thoughts would hurry by. +Sometimes they would be led decorously along a smooth highway, pacing +quietly; sometimes they would rise to the sunlight and spread their +wings, and then perhaps take sudden flight, like a flock of startled +birds.</p> + +<p>Yes, he needed sympathy, and faith, and love. He had never had anyone to +believe in him before. He had met with hardness and distrust all his +life. She would trust him. He had conquered, step by step, his inimical +conditions. He was lonely, unused to real affection. Let her try to make +up for what he had lost. Let her forget herself and her own little woes, +in the effort to fill his life with all that he had been forced to +forego. (An impish thought danced before her for a second—“Fine talk, +but you know you love to be loved.”) If her love were worth anything, +that must be her impulse. Let her beware of considering her own +feelings, her own wishes and fears. If she loved, let it be fully and +freely, generously and without reserve. That or nothing. (“Probably it +will be nothing,” jeered the imp.) “Then what, in heaven’s name, <em>is</em> it +that I feel?” the other self seemed to cry in desperation.</p> + +<p>“An idea has struck me,” said the Professor, taking her hand and holding +it closely in his, “Why should you not come up to town, say on +Friday—don’t start, dearest—it would be quite simple, and then for +once in our lives we should stand, as it were, alone in the world, you +and I, without this everlasting dread of curious eyes upon us. Alone +among strangers—what bliss! We could have a day on the river, or I +could take you to see—well, anything you liked—we should be free and +happy. Think of it, Hadria! to be rid of this incessant need for +caution, for hypocrisy. We have but one life to live; why not live it?”</p> + +<p>“Why not live it, why not live it?” The words danced in her head, like +circles of little sprites carrying alluring wreaths of roses.</p> + +<p>“Ah, we must be careful; there is much at stake,” she said.</p> + +<p>He began to plead, eloquently and skilfully. He knew exactly what +arguments would tell best with her. The imps and the other selves +engaged in a free fight.</p> + +<p>“No; I must not listen; it is too dangerous. If it were not for my +mother, I should not care for anything, but as it is, I must risk +nothing. I have already risked too much.”</p> + +<p>“There would be no danger,” he argued. “Trust to me. I have something to +lose too. It is of no use to bring the whole dead stupid weight of the +world on our heads. There is no sense in lying down under a heap of +rubbish, to be crushed. Let us go our way and leave other people to go +theirs.”</p> + +<p>“Easier said than done.”</p> + +<p>“Oh no; the world must be treated as one would treat a maniac who +brandished a razor in one’s face. Direct defiance argues folly worse +than his.”</p> + +<p>“Of course, but all this subterfuge and deceit is hateful.”</p> + +<p>“Not if one considers the facts of the case. The maniac-world insists +upon uniformity and obedience, especially in that department of life +where uniformity is impossible. You don’t suppose that it is ever +<em>really</em> attained by any human being who deserves the name? Never! We +all wear the livery of our master and live our own lives not the less.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, I doubt that,” said Hadria. “I think the livery affects us all, +right through to the bones and marrow. What young clergyman was it who +told me that as soon as he put on his canonicals, he felt a different +man, mind, heart, and personality?”</p> + +<p>“Well, <em>your</em> livery has never made you, Hadria, and that is all I care +for.”</p> + +<p>“Indeed, I am not so sure.”</p> + +<p>“It has not turned you out a Mrs. Jordan or a Mrs. Walker, for +instance.”</p> + +<p>“To the great regret of my well-wishers.”</p> + +<p>“To the great regret of your inferiors. There is nothing that people +regret so bitterly as superiority to themselves.” Hadria laughed.</p> + +<p>“I am always afraid of the gratifying argument based on the assumption +of superiority; one is apt to be brought down a peg, if ever one +indulges in it.”</p> + +<p>“I can’t see that much vanity is implied in claiming superiority to the +common idiot of commerce,” said the Professor, with a shrug.</p> + +<p>“He is in the family,” Hadria reminded him.</p> + +<p>“The human family; yes, confound him!” They laughed, and the Professor, +after a pause, continued his pleading.</p> + +<p>“It only needs a little courage, Hadria. My love, my dear one, don’t +shake your head.”</p> + +<p>He came forward and sat down on the seat beside her, bending towards her +persuasively.</p> + +<p>“Promise me to come to town on Friday, Hadria—promise me, dearest.”</p> + +<p>“But if—oh, how I hate all the duplicity that this involves! It creates +wretched situations, whichever way one turns. I never realized into what +a labyrinth it would lead one. I should like to speak out and be honest +about it.”</p> + +<p>“And your mother?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, I know of course——” Hadria set her teeth. “It drives me mad, all +this!”</p> + +<p>“Oh, Hadria! And you don’t count <em>me</em> then?”</p> + +<p>“Obviously I count you. But one’s whole life becomes a lie.”</p> + +<p>“That is surely schoolgirl’s reasoning. Strange that you should be +guilty of it! Is one’s life a lie because one makes so bold as to keep +one’s own counsel? Must one take the world into one’s confidence, or +stand condemned as a liar? Oh, Hadria, this is childish!”</p> + +<p>“Yes, I am getting weak-minded, I know,” she said feverishly. “I resent +being forced to resort to this sort of thing when I am doing nothing +wrong, according to my own belief. Why should I be forced to behave as +if I <em>were</em> sinning against my conscience?”</p> + +<p>“So you may say; that is your grievance, not your fault. But, after all, +compromise is necessary in <em>everything</em>, and the best way is to make the +compromise lightly and with a shrug of the shoulders, and then you find +that life becomes fairly manageable and often extremely pleasant.”</p> + +<p>“Yes, I suppose you are right.” Hadria was picking the petals off a +buttercup one by one, and when she had destroyed one golden corolla, she +attacked another.</p> + +<p>“Fate <em>is</em> ironical!” she exclaimed. “Never in my life did I feel more +essentially frank and open-hearted than I feel now.”</p> + +<p>The Professor laughed.</p> + +<p>“My impulse is to indulge in that sort of bluff, boisterous honesty +which forms so charming a feature of our national character. Is it not +disastrous?”</p> + +<p>“It <em>is</em> a little inopportune,” Theobald admitted with a chuckle.</p> + +<p>“Oh, it is no laughing matter! It amounts to a monomania. I long to take +Mrs. Walker aside and say ‘Hi! look here, Mrs. Walker, I just want to +mention to you——’ and so on; and Mrs. Jordan inspires me with a still +more fatal impulse of frankness. If only for the fun of the thing, I +long to do it.”</p> + +<p>“You are quite mad, Hadria!” exclaimed the Professor, laughing.</p> + +<p>“Oh, no,” she said, “only bewildered. I want desperately to be bluff and +outspoken, but I suppose I must dissemble. I long painfully to be like +‘truthful James,’ but I must follow in the footsteps of the sneaky +little boy who came to a bad end because he told a lie. The question is: +Shall my mother be sacrificed to this passionate love of truth?”</p> + +<p>“Or shall I?” asked the Professor. “You seem to forget me. You frighten +me, Hadria. To indulge in frankness just now, means to throw me over, +and if you did that, I don’t know how I should be able to stand it. I +should cut my throat.”</p> + +<p>Hadria buried her face in her hands, as if to shut out distracting +sights and sounds, so that she might think more clearly.</p> + +<p>It seemed, at that moment, as if cutting one’s throat would be the only +way out of the growing difficulty.</p> + +<p>How <em>could</em> it go on? And yet, how could she give him up? (The imp gave +a fiendish chuckle.) It would be so unfair, so cruel, and what would +life be without him? (“Moral development impossible!” cried the imp, +with a yell of laughter.) It would be so mean to go back +now—(“Shocking!” exclaimed the imp.) Assuming that she ought never to +have allowed this thing to happen (“Oh, fie!”) because she bore another +man’s name (not being permitted to retain her own), ought she to throw +this man over, on second and (per assumption) better thoughts, or did +the false step oblige her to continue in the path she had entered?</p> + +<p>“I seem to have got myself into one of those situations where there is +<em>no</em> right,” she exclaimed.</p> + +<p>“You forget your own words: A woman in relation to society is in the +position of a captive; she may justly evade the prison rules, if she +can.”</p> + +<p>“So she may; only I want so desperately to wrench away the bars instead +of evading the rules.”</p> + +<p>“Try to remember that you——” The Professor stopped abruptly and stood +listening. They looked at one another. Hadria was deadly white. A step +was advancing along the winding path through the bushes behind them: a +half overgrown path, that led from a small door in the wall that ran +round the park. It was the nearest route from the station to the house, +and a short cut could be taken this way through the garden, to Craddock +Place.</p> + +<p>“It’s all right,” the Professor said in a low voice; “we were saying +nothing compromising.”</p> + +<p>The step drew nearer.</p> + +<p>“Some visitor to Craddock Place probably, who has come down by the 4.20 +from town.”</p> + +<p>“Professor Fortescue!”</p> + +<p>Hadria had sprung up, and was standing, with flushed cheeks, beside her +calmer companion.</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue’s voice broke the momentary silence. He gave a warm +smile of pleasure and came forward with out-stretched hand.</p> + +<p>“The hoped-for instant has come sooner than I thought,” he cried +genially.</p> + +<p>Hadria was shocked to see him looking very ill. He said that his doctor +had bullied him, at last, into deciding to go south. His arrangements +for departure had been rather hastily made, and he had telegraphed this +morning, to Craddock Place, to announce his coming. His luggage was +following in a hand-cart, and he was taking the short cut through the +Priory gardens. He had come to say good-bye to them all. Miss Du Prel, +he added, had already made up her mind to go abroad, and he hoped to +come across her somewhere in Italy. She had given him all news. He +looked anxiously at Hadria. The flush had left her face now, and the +altered lines were but too obvious.</p> + +<p>“You ought to have change too,” he said, “you are not looking well.”</p> + +<p>She laughed nervously. “Oh, I am all right.”</p> + +<p>“Let’s sit down a moment, if you were not discussing anything very +important——”</p> + +<p>“Indeed, we were, my dear Fortescue,” said Professor Theobald, drawing +his colleague on to the seat, “and your clear head would throw much +light on the philosophy of the question.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, a question of abstract philosophy,” said Professor Fortescue. “Are +you disagreeing?”</p> + +<p>“Not exactly. The question that turned up, in the course of discussion, +was this: If a man stands in a position which is itself the result of an +aggression upon his liberty and his human rights, is he in honour bound +to abide by the laws which are laid down to coerce him?”</p> + +<p>“Obviously not,” replied Professor Fortescue.</p> + +<p>“Is he morally justified in using every means he can lay hold of to +overcome the peculiar difficulties under which he has been tyrannously +placed?”</p> + +<p>“Not merely justified, but I should say he was a poor fool if he +refrained from doing so.”</p> + +<p>“That is exactly what <em>I</em> say.”</p> + +<p>“Surely Mrs. Temperley does not demur?”</p> + +<p>“No; I quite agree as to the <em>right</em>. I only say that the means which +the situation may make necessary are sometimes very hateful.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, that is among the cruelest of the victim’s wrongs,” said Professor +Fortescue. “He is reduced to employ artifices that he would despise, +were he a free agent. Take a crude instance: a man is overpowered by a +band of brigands. Surely he is justified in deceiving those gentlemen of +the road, and in telling and acting lies without scruple.”</p> + +<p>“The parallel is exact,” said Theobald, with a triumphant glance at +Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Honour departs where force comes in. No man is bound in honour to his +captor, though his captor will naturally try to persuade his prisoner to +regard himself as so bound. And few would be our oppressions, if that +persuasion did not generally succeed!”</p> + +<p>“The relations of women to society for instance——” began Theobald.</p> + +<p>“Ah, exactly. The success of that device may be said to constitute the +history of womanhood. Take my brigand instance and write it large, and +you have the whole case in a nutshell.”</p> + +<p>“Then you would recommend rank rebellion, either by force or artifice, +according as circumstances might require?” asked Hadria.</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue looked round at her, half anxiously, half +enquiringly.</p> + +<p>“There are perils, remember,” he warned. “The woman is, by our +assumption, the brigand’s captive. If she offends her brigand, he has +hideous punishments to inflict. He can subject her to pain and indignity +at his good pleasure. Torture and mutilation, metaphorically speaking, +are possible to him. How could one deliberately counsel her to risk all +that?”</p> + +<p>There was a long silence.</p> + +<p>Hadria had been growing more and more restless since the arrival of the +new-comer. She took no further part in the conversation. She was +struggling to avoid making comparisons between her two companions. The +contrast was startling. Every cadence of their voices, every gesture, +proclaimed the radical difference of nature and calibre.</p> + +<p>Hadria rose abruptly. She looked pale and perturbed.</p> + +<p>“Don’t you think we have sat here long enough?” she asked.</p> + +<p>They both looked a little surprised, but they acquiesced at once. The +three walked together down the yew avenue, and out across the lawn. +Professor Fortescue recalled their past meetings among these serene +retreats, and wished they could come over again.</p> + +<p>“Nothing ever does come over again,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>Theobald glanced at her, meaningfully.</p> + +<p>“Look here, my dear fellow,” he said, grasping Professor Fortescue by +the arm, and bending confidentially towards him, “I should like those +meetings to repeat themselves <em>ad infinitum</em>. I have made up my mind at +last. I want to take the Priory.”</p> + +<p>Hadria turned deadly pale, and stumbled slightly.</p> + +<p>“Well, take it by all means. I should be only too glad to let it to a +tenant who would look after the old place.”</p> + +<p>“We must talk it over,” said Theobald.</p> + +<p>“That won’t take long, I fancy. We talked it over once before, you +remember, and then you suddenly changed your mind.”</p> + +<p>“Yes; but my mind is steady now. The Priory is the place of all others +that I should like to pass my days in.”</p> + +<p>“Well, I think you are wise, Theobald. The place has great charm, and +you have friends here.”</p> + +<p>“Yes, indeed!” exclaimed Theobald.</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue looked vaguely round, as if expecting Hadria to +express some neighbourly sentiment, but she said nothing. He noticed how +very ill she was looking.</p> + +<p>“Are you feeling the heat too severe?” he asked in concern. “Shall we +take a rest under these trees?”</p> + +<p>But Hadria preferred to go on and rest at home. She asked when Professor +Fortescue was coming to see them at the Red House, but her tone was less +open and warm than usual, in addressing him. He said that to-morrow he +would walk over in the afternoon, if he might. Hadria would not allow +her companions to come out of their way to accompany her home. At the +Priory gate—where the griffins were grinning as derisively as ever at +the ridiculous ways of men—they took their respective roads.</p> + +<p>Some domestic catastrophe had happened at the Red House. The cook had +called Mary “names,” and Mary declared she must leave. Hadria shrugged +her shoulders.</p> + +<p>“Oh, well then, I suppose you must,” she said wearily, and retired to +her room, in a mood to be cynically amused at the tragedies that the +human being manufactures for himself, lest he should not find the +tragedies of birth and death and parting, and the solitude of the +spirit, sufficient to occupy him during his little pilgrimage. She sat +by the open window that looked out over the familiar fields, and the +garden that was gay with summer flowers. The red roof of the Priory +could just be caught through the trees of the park. She wished the +little pilgrimage were over. A common enough wish, she commented, but +surely not unreasonable.</p> + +<p>The picture of those two men came back to her, in spite of every effort +to banish it. Professor Fortescue had affected her as if he had brought +with him a new atmosphere, and disastrous was the result. It seemed as +if Professor Theobald had suddenly become a stranger to her, whom she +criticised, whose commonness of fibre, ah me! whose coarseness, she saw +as she might have seen it in some casual acquaintance. And yet she had +loved this man, she had allowed him to passionately profess love for +her. His companionship, in the deepest sense, had been chosen by her for +life. To sit by and listen to that conversation, feeling every moment +how utterly he and she were, after all, strangers to one another, how +completely unbroken was the solitude that she had craved to dispel—that +had been horrible. What had lain at the root of her conduct? How had she +deceived herself? Was it not for the sake of mere excitement, +distraction? Was it not the sensuous side of her nature that had been +touched, while the rest had been posing in the foreground? But no, that +was only partly true. There had been more in it than that; very much +more, or she could not have deceived herself so completely. It was this +craving to fill the place of her lost art,—but oh, what morbid nonsense +it had all been! Why, for the first time in her life, did she feel +ashamed to meet Professor Fortescue? Obviously, it was not because she +thought he would disapprove of her breaking the social law. It was +because she had fallen below her own standard, because she had been +hypocritical with herself, played herself false, and acted contemptibly, +hatefully! Professor Fortescue’s mere presence had hunted out the truth +from its hiding-place. He had made further self-sophistication +impossible. She buried her face in her hands, in an agony of shame. She +had known all along, that this had not been a profound and whole-hearted +sentiment. She had known all along, of what a poor feverish nature it +was; yet she had chosen to persuade herself that it was all, or nearly +all, that she had dreamed of a perfect human relationship. She had tried +to arrange facts in such a light as to simulate that idea. It was so +paltry, so contemptible. Why could she not at least have been honest +with herself, and owned to the nature of the infatuation? That, at any +rate, would have been straightforward. Her self-scorn made the colour +surge into her cheeks and burn painfully over neck and brow. “How little +one knows oneself. Here am I, who rebel against the beliefs of others, +sinning against my own. Here am I, who turn up my nose at the popular +gods, deriding my own private and particular gods in their very temples! +That I have done, and heaven alone knows where I should have stopped in +the wild work, if this had not happened. Professor Fortescue has no need +to speak. His gentleness, his charity, are as rods to scourge one!”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLIV" id="CHAPTER_XLIV"></a>CHAPTER XLIV.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">WHEN Professor Fortescue called at the Red House, he found that the +blinds, in the drawing-room, were all half down. Hadria held the +conversation to the subject of his plans. He knew her well enough to +read the meaning of that quiet tone, with a subtle cadence in it, just +at the end of a phrase, that went to his heart. To him it testified to +an unspeakable regret.</p> + +<p>It was difficult to define the change in her manner, but it conveyed to +the visitor the impression that she had lost belief in herself, or in +some one; that she had received a severe shock, and knew no longer what +to trust or how to steer. She seemed to speak across some vast spiritual +distance, an effect not produced by reserve or coldness, but by a +wistful, acquiescent, subdued quality, expressive of uncertainty, of +disorder in her conceptions of things.</p> + +<p>“How tempting those two easy-chairs look, under the old tree on your +lawn,” said the Professor. “Wouldn’t it be pleasant to go out?”</p> + +<p>Hadria hesitated for a second, and then rose. “Certainly; we will have +tea there.”</p> + +<p>When they were seated under the shade taking their tea, with the canopy +of walnut leaves above their heads, the Professor saw that Hadria shewed +signs of serious trouble. The haggard lines, the marks of suffering, +were not to be hidden in the clear light of the summer afternoon. He +insensibly shifted his chair so as not to have to gaze at her when he +spoke. That seemed to be a relief to her.</p> + +<p>“Valeria is here till the day after to-morrow,” she said. “She has gone +for a walk, and has probably forgotten the tea-hour but I hope you will +see her.”</p> + +<p>“I want to find out what her plans are. It would be pleasant to come +across one another abroad. I wish you were coming too.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, so do I.”</p> + +<p>“I suppose it’s impossible.”</p> + +<p>“Absolutely.”</p> + +<p>“For the mind, there is no tonic like travel,” he said.</p> + +<p>“It must be a sovereign cure for egoism.”</p> + +<p>“If anything will cure that disease.” Her face saddened.</p> + +<p>“You believe it is quite incurable?”</p> + +<p>“If it is constitutional.”</p> + +<p>“Don’t you think that sometimes people grow egoistic through having to +fight incessantly for existence—I mean for individual existence?”</p> + +<p>“It certainly is the instinct of moral self-preservation. It corresponds +to the raised arm when a blow threatens.”</p> + +<p>“One has the choice between egoism and extinction.”</p> + +<p>“It almost amounts to that. Perhaps, after long experience and much +suffering, the individuality may become secure, and the armour no longer +necessary, but this is a bitter process. Most people become extinct, and +then congratulate themselves on self-conquest.”</p> + +<p>“Yes, I suppose so,” said Hadria musingly. “How dangerous it is to +congratulate oneself on anything! One never is so near to folly as +then.”</p> + +<p>The Professor threw some crumbs to a chaffinch, which had flown down +within a few yards of the tea-table.</p> + +<p>“I think you are disposed, at present, to criticise yourself too +mercilessly,” he said in a tone that had drawn forth many a confidence. +It was not to be resisted.</p> + +<p>“No; that would be difficult.”</p> + +<p>“Your conscience may accuse you severely, but who of us escapes such +accusations? Be a little charitable with yourself, as you would with +others. Life, you know, is not such an easy game to play. Beginners +must make wrong moves now and then.”</p> + +<p>There was a long pause.</p> + +<p>“It sounds so mild when you put it like that. But I am not a beginner. I +am quite a veteran, yet I am not seasoned. My impulses are more +imperious, more blinding than I had the least idea of.” (The words +hastened on.) “Life comes and pulls one by the sleeve; stirs, prompts, +bewilders, tempts in a thousand ways; emotion rises in whirlwinds—and +one is confused, and reels and gropes and stumbles, and then some cruel, +clear day one awakes to find the print of intoxicated footsteps in the +precincts of the sanctuary, and recognises oneself as desecrator.”</p> + +<p>The Professor leant forward in his low chair. The chaffinch gave a light +chirp, as if to recall him to his duty. Hadria performed it for him. The +chaffinch flew off with the booty.</p> + +<p>“There is no suffering so horrible as that which involves remorse or +self-contempt,” he said, and his voice trembled. “To have to settle down +to look upon some part of one’s action, of one’s moral self, with shame +or scorn, is almost intolerable.”</p> + +<p>“Quite intolerable!”</p> + +<p>“We will not extend to ourselves the forbearance due to erring humanity. +This puts us too much on a level with the rest—is that not often the +reason of our harsh self-judgments?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, I have no doubt there is something mean and conceited at the bottom +of it!” exclaimed Hadria.</p> + +<p>There was a step on the lawn behind them.</p> + +<p>The Professor sprang up. He went to meet Valeria and they came to the +table together, talking. Valeria’s eyes were bright and her manner +animated. Yes, she was going abroad. It would be delightful to meet +somewhere, if chance favoured them. She thought of Italy. And at that +magic name, they fell into reminiscences of former journeyings; they +talked of towns and temples and palaces, of art, of sunshine; and Hadria +listened silently.</p> + +<p>Once, in her girlhood, when she was scarcely sixteen, she had gone with +her parents and Algitha for a tour in Italy. It was a short but vivid +experience which had tinged her life, leaving a memory and a longing +that never died. The movement of travel, the sense of change and +richness offered to eye and mind, remained with her always; the vision +of a strange, tumultuous, beautiful world; of exquisite Italian cities, +of forests and seas; of classic plains and snow-capped mountains; of +treasures of art—the eternal evidence of man’s aloofness, on one side +of him, from the savage element in nature—and glimpses of cathedral +domes and palace walls; and villages clinging like living things to the +hill-sides, or dreaming away their drowsy days in some sunny valley. And +then the mystery that every work of man enshrines; the life, the +thought, the need that it embodies, and the passionate histories that it +hides! It was as if the sum and circumstance of life had mirrored itself +in the memory, once and for all. The South lured her with its languor, +its colour, its hot sun, and its splendid memories. It was exquisite +pleasure and exquisite pain to listen to the anticipations of these two, +who were able to wander as they would.</p> + +<p>“Siena?” said Valeria with a sigh, “I used to know Siena when I was +young and happy. That was where I made the fatal mistake in my life. It +is all a thing of the past now. I might have married a good and +brilliantly intellectual man, whom I could respect and warmly admire; +for whom I had every feeling but the one that we romantic women think so +essential, and that people assure us is the first to depart.”</p> + +<p>“You regret that you held fast to your own standard?” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“I regret that I could not see the wisdom of taking the good that was +offered to me, since I could not have that which I wished. Now I have +neither.”</p> + +<p>“How do you know you would have found the other good really +satisfactory!”</p> + +<p>“I believe in the normal,” said Valeria, “having devoted my existence to +an experiment of the abnormal.”</p> + +<p>“I don’t think what we call the normal is, by any means, so safe as it +sounds, for civilized women at any rate,” observed the Professor.</p> + +<p>Valeria shook her head, and remained silent. But her face expressed the +sad thoughts left unsaid. In youth, it was all very well. One had the +whole world before one, life to explore, one’s powers to test. But later +on, when all that seemed to promise fades away, when the dreams drift +out of sight, and strenuous efforts repeated and repeated, are beaten +down by the eternal obstacles; when the heart is wearied by delay, +disappointment, infruition, vain toil, then this once intoxicating world +becomes a place of desolation to the woman who has rebelled against the +common lot. And all the old instincts awake, to haunt and torment; to +demand that which reason has learnt to deny or to scorn; to burden their +victims with the cruel heritage of the past; to whisper regrets and +longings, and sometimes to stir to a conflict and desperation that end +in madness.</p> + +<p>“I believe I should have been happier, if I had married some commonplace +worthy in early life, and been the mother of ten children,” Valeria +observed, aloud.</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed. “By this time, you or the ten children would have come +to some tragic end. I don’t know which I would pity most.”</p> + +<p>“I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to do what other women have done,” +cried Valeria.</p> + +<p>“A good deal more. But think, Valeria, of ten particular constitutions +to grapple with, ten sets of garments to provide, ten series of ailments +to combat, ten—no, let me see, two hundred and forty teeth to take to +the dentist, not to mention characters and consciences in all their +developments and phases, rising, on this appalling decimal system of +yours, to regions of arithmetic far beyond my range.”</p> + +<p>“You exaggerate preposterously!” cried Valeria, half annoyed, although +she laughed. She had the instinctive human desire to assert her ability +in the direction where of all others it was lacking.</p> + +<p>“And think of the uprush of impulse, good and evil; the stirring of the +thought, the movements of longing and wonder, and then all the greedy +selfishness of youth, with its untamed vigours and its superb hopes. +What help does a child get from its parents, in the midst of this +tumult, out of which silently, the future man or woman emerges—and +grows, remember, according to the manner in which the world meets these +generous or these baser movements of the soul?”</p> + +<p>“You would frighten anyone from parenthood!” cried Valeria, +discontentedly.</p> + +<p>“Admit at least, that eight, or even seven, would have satisfied you.”</p> + +<p>“Well, I don’t mind foregoing the last three or four,” said Valeria. +“But seriously, I think that a home and so forth, is the best that life +has to offer to us women. It is, perhaps, not asking much, but I believe +if one goes further, one fares worse.”</p> + +<p>“We all think the toothache would be so much more bearable, if it were +only in the other tooth,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>A silence fell upon the three. Their thoughts were evidently busy.</p> + +<p>“I feel sorry,” the Professor said at last, “that this should be your +testimony. It has always seemed to me ridiculous that a woman could not +gratify her domestic sentiments, without being claimed by them, body and +soul. But I hoped that our more developed women would show us that they +could make a full and useful and interesting life for themselves, even +if that particular side of existence were denied them. I thought they +might forego it for the sake of other things.”</p> + +<p>“Not without regretting it.”</p> + +<p>“Yet I have met women who held different opinions.”</p> + +<p>“Probably rather inexperienced women,” said Valeria.</p> + +<p>“Young women, but——”</p> + +<p>“Ah, young women. What do <em>they</em> know? The element of real horror in a +woman’s life does not betray itself, until the moment when the sense of +age approaches. Then, and not till then, she knows how much mere +superficial and transitory attractions have had to do with making her +life liveable and interesting. Then, and not till then, she realizes +that she has unconsciously held the position of adventuress in society, +getting what she could out of it, by means of personal charm; never +resting on established right, for she has none. As a wife, she acquires +a sort of reflected right. One must respect her over whom Mr. So-and-So +has rights of property. Well, is it not wise to take what one can +get—the little glory of being the property of Mr. So-and-So? I have +scorned this opportunism all my life, and now I regret having scorned +it. And I think, if you could get women to be sincere, they would tell +you the same tale.”</p> + +<p>“And what do you think of the scheme of life, which almost forces upon +our finest women, or tempts them to practise, this sort of opportunism?”</p> + +<p>“I think it is simply savage,” answered Valeria.</p> + +<p>Again a silence fell on the little group. The spoken words seemed to +call up a host of words unspoken. There was to Hadria, a personal as +well as a general significance in each sentence, that made her listen +breathlessly for the next.</p> + +<p>“How would you define a good woman?” she asked.</p> + +<p>“Precisely as I would define a good man,” replied the Professor.</p> + +<p>“Oh, I think we ask more of the woman,” said Valeria.</p> + +<p>“We do indeed!” cried Hadria, with a laugh.</p> + +<p>“One may find people with a fussy conscience, a nervous fear of +wrong-doing, who are without intelligence and imagination, but you never +meet the noblest, and serenest, and largest examples of goodness without +these attributes,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>“This is not the current view of goodness in women,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Naturally. The less intelligence and imagination the better, if our +current morality is to hold its own. We want our women to accept its +dogmas without question. We tell them how to be good, and if they don’t +choose to be good in that way, we call them bad. Nothing could be +simpler.”</p> + +<p>“I believe,” said Hadria, “that the women who are called good have much +to do with the making of those that are called bad. The two kinds are +substance and shadow. We shall never get out of the difficulty till they +frankly shake hands, and admit that they are all playing the same game.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, they will never do that,” exclaimed Valeria, laughing and shaking +her head. “What madness!”</p> + +<p>“Why not? The thing is so obvious. They are like the two sides of a +piece of embroidery: one all smooth and fair, the other rough and ugly, +showing the tag ends and the fastenings. But since the embroidery is +insisted on, I can’t see that it is of any moral consequence on which +side of the canvas one happens to be.”</p> + +<p>“It is chiefly a matter of luck,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>A long shadow fell across Hadria as she spoke, blotting out the little +flicker of the sunlight that shone through the stirring leaves. +Professor Theobald had crept up softly across the lawn, and as the +chairs were turned towards the flower-borders, he had approached +unobserved.</p> + +<p>Hadria gave so violent a start when she heard his voice, that Professor +Fortescue looked at her anxiously. He thought her nerves must be +seriously out of order. The feverish manner of her greeting to the +new-comer, confirmed his fear. Professor Theobald apologized for +intruding. He had given up his intention of going up to town to-day. He +meant to put it off till next week. He could not miss Fortescue’s visit. +One could not tell when one might see him again.</p> + +<p>And Professor Theobald led the conversation airily on; talking fluently, +and at times brilliantly, but always with that indefinable touch of +something ignoble, something coarse, that now filled Hadria with +unspeakable dismay. She was terrified lest the other two should go, and +he should remain. And yet she ought to speak frankly to him. His +conversation was full of little under-meanings, intended for her only to +understand; his look, his manner to her made her actually hate him. Yet +she felt the utter inconsequence and injustice of her attitude. <em>He</em> +had not changed. There was nothing new in him. The change was in +herself. Professor Fortescue had awakened her. But, of course, he was +one in ten thousand. It was not fair to make the comparison by which +Professor Theobald suffered so pitiably. At that moment, as if Fate had +intended to prove to her how badly Professor Theobald really stood +comparison with any thoroughly well-bred man, even if infinitely beneath +him intellectually, Joseph Fleming happened to call. He was his old self +again, simple, friendly, contented. Theobald was in one of his +self-satisfied moods. Perhaps he enjoyed the triumph of his position in +regard to Hadria. At any rate, he seemed to pounce on the new-comer as a +foil to his own brilliancy. Joseph had no talent to oppose to it, but he +had a simple dignity, the offspring of a kind and generous nature, which +made Professor Theobald’s conduct towards him appear contemptible. +Professor Fortescue shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Hadria tried to +change the topic; the flush deepening in her cheeks. Professor Fortescue +attempted to come to her aid. Joseph Fleming laughed good-naturedly.</p> + +<p>They sat late into the evening. Theobald could not find an excuse to +outstay his colleague, since they were both guests at the same house.</p> + +<p>“I must see you alone some time to-morrow,” he managed to whisper. There +was no time for a reply.</p> + +<p>“I shall go and rest before dinner,” said Valeria.</p> + +<p>Hadria went into the house by the open window of the drawing-room. She +sank back on the sofa; a blackness came before her eyes.</p> + +<p>“No, no, I won’t, I <em>won’t</em>. Let me learn not to let things overpower +me, in future.”</p> + +<p>When Valeria entered, dressed for dinner, she found Hadria, deadly pale, +standing against the sofa, whose arm she was grasping with both hands, +as if for dear life. Valeria rushed forward.</p> + +<p>“Good heavens, Hadria! are you going to faint?”</p> + +<p>“No,” said Hadria, “I am not going to faint, if there is such a thing as +human will.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLV" id="CHAPTER_XLV"></a>CHAPTER XLV.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">THE morning had passed as usual, but household arrangements at the +Cottage had required much adjustment, one of the maids being ill. She +had been sent away for a rest, and the difficulty was to find another. +Mary went from the Red House as substitute, in the mean time, and the +Red House became disorganised.</p> + +<p>“You look distracted with these little worries, Hadria. I should have +said that some desperate crisis was hanging over you, instead of merely +a domestic disturbance.” Valeria was established on the lawn, with a +book.</p> + +<p>“I am going to seek serenity in the churchyard,” explained Hadria.</p> + +<p>“But I thought Professor Theobald said something about calling.”</p> + +<p>“I leave you to entertain him, if he comes,” Hadria returned, and +hastened away. She stopped at Martha’s cottage for the child. Ah! What +would become of her if it were not for Martha? The two sauntered +together along the Craddock road.</p> + +<p>All night long, Hadria had been trying to decide when and how to speak +to Professor Theobald. Should she send for him? Should she write to him? +Should she trust to chance for an opportunity of speaking? But, no, she +could not endure to see him again in the presence of others, before she +had spoken! Yesterday’s experience had been too terrible. She had +brought pencil and paper with her, in order to be able to write to him, +if she decided on that course. There were plenty of retired nooks under +the shade of the yew-trees in the churchyard, where one could write. +The thick hedges made it perfectly secluded, and at this hour, it was +always solitary. Little Martha was gathering wild-flowers in the hedges. +She used to pluck them to lay on her mother’s grave. She had but a vague +idea of that unknown mother, but Hadria had tried to make the dead woman +live again, in the child’s mind, as a gentle and tender image. The +little offering was made each time that they took their walk in the +direction of Craddock. The grave looked fresh and sweet in the summer +sunshine, with the ivy creeping up the tomb-stone and half obliterating +the name. A rose-tree that Hadria and Martha had planted together, was +laden with rich red blooms.</p> + +<p>The two figures stood, hand in hand, by the grave. The child stooped to +place her little tribute of flowers at the head of the green mound. +Neither of them noticed a tall figure at the wicket gate. He stood +outside, looking up the path, absolutely motionless. Martha let go +Hadria’s hand, and ran off after a gorgeous butterfly that had fluttered +over the headstone: a symbol of the soul; fragile, beautiful, helpless +thing that any rough hand may crush and ruin. Hadria turned to watch the +graceful, joyous movement of the child, and her delight in the beauty of +the rich brown wings, with their enamelled spots of sapphire.</p> + +<p>“Hadria!”</p> + +<p>She gave a little gasping cry, and turned sharply. Professor Theobald +looked at her with an intent, triumphant expression. She stood before +him, for the moment, as if paralysed. It was by no means the first time +that this look had crossed his face, but she had been blind, and had not +fully understood it. He interpreted her cry and her paleness, as signs +of the fullness of his power over her. This pleased him immeasurably. +His self-love basked and purred. He felt that his moment of triumph had +come. Contrasting this meeting with the last occasion when they had +stood together beside this grave, had he not ground for self-applause? +He remembered so well that unpleasant episode. It was Hadria who stood +<em>then</em> in the more powerful position. He had actually feared to meet her +eye. He remembered how bitterly she had spoken, of her passion for +revenge, of the relentless feud between man and woman. They had +discussed the question of vengeance; he had pointed out its futility, +and Hadria had set her teeth and desired it none the less. Lady Engleton +had reminded her of a woman’s helplessness if she places herself in +opposition to a man, for whom all things are ordered in the society that +he governs; her only chance of striking a telling blow being through his +passions. If he were in love with her, <em>then</em> there might be some hope +of making him wince. And Hadria, with a fierce swiftness had accepted +the condition, with a mixture of confidence in her own power of rousing +emotion, if she willed, and of scorn for the creature who could be +appealed to through his passions, but not through his sense of justice. +That she might herself be in that vulnerable condition, had not appeared +to strike her as possible. It was a challenge that he could not but +accept. She attracted him irresistibly. From the first moment of +meeting, he had felt her power, and recognized, at the same time, the +strange spirit of enmity that she seemed to feel towards him, and to +arouse in him against her. He felt the savage in him awake, the desire +of mere conquest. Long had he waited and watched, and at last he had +seen her flush and tremble at his approach; and as if to make his +victory more complete and insolent, it was at <em>this</em> grave that she was +to confess herself ready to lose the world for his sake! Yes; and she +should understand the position of affairs to the full, and consent +nevertheless!</p> + +<p>Her adoption of the child had added to his triumph. He could not think +of it without a sense of something humourous in the relation of events. +If ever Fate was ironical, this was the occasion! He felt so sure of +Hadria to-day, that he was swayed by an overpowering temptation to +reveal to her the almost comic situation. It appealed to his sense of +the absurd, and to the savagery that lurked, like a beast of prey, at +the foundation of his nature. Her evident emotion when he arrived +yesterday afternoon and all through his visit, her agitation to-day, at +the mere sound of his voice, assured him that his hold over her was +secure. He must be a fool indeed if he could not keep it, in spite of +revelations. To offer himself to her threatened vengeance of his own +accord, and to see her turned away disarmed, because she loved him; that +would be the climax of his victory!</p> + +<p>There was something of their old antagonism, in the attitude in which +they stood facing one another by the side of the grave, looking straight +into one another’s eyes. The sound of the child’s happy laughter floated +back to them across the spot where its mother lay at rest. Whether +Theobald’s intense consciousness of the situation had, in some way, +affected Hadria, or whether his expression had given a clue, it would be +difficult to say, but suddenly, as a whiff of scent invades the senses, +she became aware of a new and horrible fact which had wandered into her +mind, she knew not how; and she took a step backwards, as if stunned, +breathing shortly and quickly. Again he interpreted this as a sign of +intense feeling.</p> + +<p>“Hadria,” he said bending towards her, “you do love me?” He did not wait +for her answer, so confident did he feel. “You love me for myself, not +for my virtues or qualities, for I have but few of those, alas!” She +tried to speak, but he interrupted her. “I want to make a confession to +you. I can never forget what you said that day of Marion Fenwick’s +wedding, at the side of this very grave; you said that you wanted to +take vengeance on the man who had brought such misery to this poor +woman. You threatened—at least, it amounted to a threat—to make him +fall in love with you, if ever you should meet him, and to render him +miserable through his passion. I loved you and I trembled, but I thought +to myself, ‘What if I could make her return my love? Where would the +vengeance be <em>then</em>?’”</p> + +<p>Hadria had remained, for a second, perfectly still, and then turned +abruptly away.</p> + +<p>“I knew it would be a shock to you. I did not dare to tell you before. +Think what depended on it for me. Had I told you at that moment, I knew +all hope for me would be at an end. But now, it seems to me my duty to +tell you. If you wish for vengeance still, here I am at your mercy—take +it.” He stretched out his arms and stood waiting before her. But she was +silent. He was not surprised. Such a revelation, at such a moment, must, +of necessity, stun her.</p> + +<p>“Hadria, pronounce my fate. Do you wish for vengeance still? You have +only to take it, if you do. Only for heaven’s sake, don’t keep me in +suspense. Tell me your decision.”</p> + +<p>Still silence.</p> + +<p>“Do you want to take revenge on me now?” he repeated.</p> + +<p>“No;” she said abruptly, “of what use would it be? No, no, wait, wait a +moment. I want no vengeance. It is useless for women to try to fight +against men; they can only <em>hate</em> them!”</p> + +<p>The Professor started, as if he had been struck.</p> + +<p>They stood looking at one another.</p> + +<p>“In heaven’s name, what is the meaning of this? Am I to be hated for a +sin committed years ago, and long since repented? Have you no breadth of +sympathy, no tolerance for erring humanity? Am I never to be forgiven? +Oh, Hadria, Hadria, this is more than I can bear!”</p> + +<p>She was standing very still and very calm. Her tones were clear and +deliberate.</p> + +<p>“If vengeance is futile, so is forgiveness. It undoes no wrong. It is +not a question of forgiveness or of vengeance. I think, after all, if I +were to attempt the impossible by trying to avenge women whom men have +injured, I should begin with the wives. In this case” (she turned to the +grave), “the tragedy is more obvious, but I believe the everyday tragedy +of the docile wife and mother is even more profound.”</p> + +<p>“You speak as coldly, as bitterly, as if you regarded me as your worst +enemy—I who love you.” He came forward a step, and she drew back +hurriedly.</p> + +<p>“All that is over. I too have a confession to make.”</p> + +<p>“Good heavens, what is it? Are you not what I thought you? Have you some +history, some stain—? Don’t for pity’s sake tell me that!”</p> + +<p>Hadria looked at him, with a cold miserable smile. “That is really +amusing!” she cried; “I should not hold myself responsible to you, for +my past, in any case. My confession relates to the present. I came up +here with this pencil and paper, half resolved to write to you—I wanted +to tell you that—that I find—I find my feelings towards you have +changed——”</p> + +<p>He gave a hoarse, inarticulate cry, and turned sharply round. His hands +went up to his head. Then he veered suddenly, and went fiercely up to +her.</p> + +<p>“Then you <em>are</em> in earnest? You <em>do</em> hate me! for a sin dead and buried? +Good God! could one have believed it? Because I was honest with you, +where another man would have kept the matter dark, I am to be thrown +over without a word, without a chance. Lord, and this is what a woman +calls love!”</p> + +<p>He broke into a laugh that sounded ghastly and cruel, in the serene calm +of the churchyard. The laugh seemed to get the better of him. He had +lost self-control. He put his hands on his hips and went on laughing +harshly, yet sometimes with a real mirth, as if by that means only could +he express the fierce emotions that had been roused in him. Mortified +and furious as he was, he derived genuine and cynical amusement from the +incident.</p> + +<p>“And the devotion that we have professed—think of it! and the union of +souls—ha, ha, ha! and the common interests and the deep sympathy—it is +screaming! Almost worth the price I pay, for the sake of the rattling +good joke! And by this grave! Great heavens, how humourous is destiny!” +He leant his arms on the tomb-stone and laughed on softly, his big form +shaking, his strange sinister face appearing over the stone, irradiated +with merriment. In the dusk, among the graves, the grinning face looked +like that of some mocking demon, some gargoyle come to life, to cast a +spell of evil over the place.</p> + +<p>“Ah, me, life has its comic moments!” His eyes were streaming. “I fear I +must seem to you flippant, but you will admit the ludicrous side of the +situation. I am none the less ready to cut my throat—ha, ha, ha! Admit, +my dear Hadria—Mrs. Temperley—that it appeals also to <em>your</em> sense of +humour. A common sense of humour, you know, was one of our bonds of +union. What more appropriate than that we should part with shaking +sides? Oh, Lord! oh, Lord! what am I to do? One can’t live on a good +joke for ever.”</p> + +<p>He grasped his head in his hands; then suddenly, he broke out into +another paroxysm. “The feminine nature always the same, always, always; +infinitely charming and infinitely volatile. Delicious, and oh how +instructive!”</p> + +<p>He slowly recovered calmness, and remained leaning on the gravestone.</p> + +<p>“May I ask when this little change began to occur!” he asked presently.</p> + +<p>“If you will ask in a less insolent fashion.”</p> + +<p>He drew himself up from his leaning attitude, and repeated the question, +in different words.</p> + +<p>Hadria answered it, briefly.</p> + +<p>“Oh, I see,” he said, the savage gleam coming back to his eyes. “The +change in your feelings began when Fortescue appeared?”</p> + +<p>Hadria flushed.</p> + +<p>“It was when he appeared that I became definitely aware of that which I +had been struggling with all my might and main to hide from myself, for +a long time.”</p> + +<p>“And that was——?”</p> + +<p>“That there was something in you that made me—well, why should I not +say it?—that made me shrink.”</p> + +<p>He set his lips.</p> + +<p>“You have not mentioned the mysterious something.”</p> + +<p>“An element that I have been conscious of from the first day I saw you.”</p> + +<p>“Something that <em>I</em> had, and Fortescue had <em>not</em>, it would seem.”</p> + +<p>“Yes.”</p> + +<p>“And so, on account of this diaphanous, indescribable, exquisite +something, I am to be calmly thrown over; calmly told to go about my +business!” He began to walk up and down the pathway, with feverish +steps, talking rapidly, and representing Hadria’s conduct in different +lights, each one making it appear more absurd and more unjust than the +last.</p> + +<p>“I have no defence to make,” she said, “I know I have behaved +contemptibly; self-deception is no excuse. I can explain but not justify +myself. I wanted to escape from my eternal self; I was tired of fighting +and always in vain. I wanted to throw myself into the life and hopes of +somebody else, somebody who <em>had</em> some chance of a real and effective +existence. Then other elements of attraction and temptation came; your +own memory will tell how many there were. You knew so well how to +surround me with these. Everything conspired to tempt me. It seemed as +if, in you, I had found a refuge from myself. You have no little power +over the emotions, as you are aware. My feeling has been genuine, heaven +knows! but, always, always, through it all, I have been aware of this +element that repels me; and I have distrusted you.”</p> + +<p>“I knew you distrusted me,” he said gloomily.</p> + +<p>“It is useless to say I bitterly regret it all. Naturally, I regret it +far more bitterly than you can do. And if my conduct towards you rankles +in your heart, you can remember that I have to contend with what is far +worse than any sense of being badly treated: the sense of having treated +someone badly.”</p> + +<p>He walked up and down, with bent head and furrowed brows. He looked like +some restless wild animal pacing its cage. Intense mortification gave +him a strange, malicious expression. He seemed to be casting about for a +means of returning the stunning blow that he had received, just at the +moment of expected triumph.</p> + +<p>“Damn!” he exclaimed with sudden vehemence, and stood still, looking +down into Hadria’s face, with cruel, glittering eyes.</p> + +<p>He glanced furtively around. There was no one in sight. Even little +Martha was making mud-pies by the church door. The thick yew trees shut +in the churchyard from the village. There was not a sound, far or near, +to break the sense of seclusion.</p> + +<p>“And you mean to tell me we are to part? You mean to tell me that this +is your final decision?”</p> + +<p>She bowed her head. With a sudden strong movement, he flung his arms +round her and clasped her in an embrace, as fierce and revengeful as the +sweep of the wind which sends great trees crashing to the ground, and +ships to the bottom of the sea.</p> + +<p>“You don’t love me?” he enquired.</p> + +<p>“Let me go, let me go—coward—madman!”</p> + +<p>“You don’t love me?” he repeated.</p> + +<p>“I <em>hate</em> you—let me go!”</p> + +<p>“If this is the last time——”</p> + +<p>“I wish I could <em>kill</em> you!”</p> + +<p>“Ah, that is the sort of woman I like!”</p> + +<p>“You make me know what it is to feel like a murderess!”</p> + +<p>“And to look like one, by heaven!”</p> + +<p>She wrenched herself away, with a furious effort.</p> + +<p>“Coward!” she cried. “I did right to mistrust you!”</p> + +<p>Little Martha ran up and offered her a wild heartsease which she had +found on one of the graves. Hadria, trembling and white, stooped +instinctively to take the flower, and as she did so, the whole +significance of the afternoon’s revelation broke over her, with fresh +intensity. His child!</p> + +<p>He stood watching her, with malice in his eyes.</p> + +<p>“Come, come, Martha, let us go, let us go,” she cried, feverishly.</p> + +<p>He moved backwards along the path, as they advanced.</p> + +<p>“I have to thank you for bestowing a mother’s care on my poor child. You +can suppose what a joy the thought has been to me all along.”</p> + +<p>Hadria flushed.</p> + +<p>“You need not thank me,” she answered. “As you know, I did it first for +her mother’s sake, and out of hatred to you, unknown as you then were to +me. Now I will do it for her own sake, and out of hatred to you, +bitterer than ever.”</p> + +<p>She stooped to take the child’s hand.</p> + +<p>“You are most kind, but I could not think of troubling you any longer. I +think of taking the little one myself. She will be a comfort to me, and +will cheer my lonely home. And besides you see, duty, Mrs. Temperley, +duty——”</p> + +<p>Hadria caught her breath, and stopped short.</p> + +<p>“You are going to take her away from me? You are going to revenge +yourself like that?”</p> + +<p>“You have made me feel my responsibilities towards my child, as I fear I +did not feel them before. I am powerless, of course, to make up for the +evil I have done her, but I can make some reparation. I can take her to +live with me; I can give her care and attention, I can give her a good +education. I have made up my mind.”</p> + +<p>Hadria stood before him, white as the gravestone.</p> + +<p>“You said that vengeance was futile. So it is. Leave the child to me. +She shall—she shall want for nothing. Only leave her to me.”</p> + +<p>“Duty must be our first consideration,” he answered suavely.</p> + +<p>“I can give her all she needs. Leave her to me.”</p> + +<p>But the Professor shook his head.</p> + +<p>“How do I know you have told me the truth?” Hadria exclaimed, with a +flash of fury.</p> + +<p>“Do you mean to dispute it?” he asked.</p> + +<p>She was silent.</p> + +<p>“I think you would find that a mistaken policy,” he said, watching her +face.</p> + +<p>“I don’t believe you can take her away!” cried Hadria. “I am acting for +her mother, and her mother, not having made herself into your legal +property, <em>has</em> some legal right to her own child. I don’t believe you +can make me give her up.”</p> + +<p>The Professor looked at her calmly.</p> + +<p>“I think you will find that the law has infinite respect for a father’s +holiest feelings. Would you have it interfere with his awakening +aspirations to do his duty towards his child? What a dreadful thought! +And then, I think you have some special views on the education of the +little one which I cannot entirely approve. After all, a woman has +probably to be a wife and mother, on the good old terms that have served +the world for a fair number of centuries, when one comes to consider it: +it is a pity to allow her to grow up without those dogmas and sentiments +that may help to make the position tolerable, if not always +satisfactory, to her. Though, as a philosopher, one may see the +absurdity of popular prejudices, yet as a practical man, one feels the +inexpediency of disturbing the ideas upon which the system depends, and +thus adding to the number of malcontents. All very well for those who +think things out for themselves; but the education of a girl should be +on the old lines, believe me. You will not believe me, I know, so I +think it better, for this as well as for other reasons, to take my +daughter under my own care. I am extremely sorry that you should have +had all this trouble and responsibility for nothing. And I am grieved +that your educational idea should be so frustrated, but what am I to do? +My duty is obvious!”</p> + +<p>“I regret that you did not become a devotee to duty, either a little +sooner or a little later,” Hadria returned. “For the present, I suppose +Martha will remain with Hannah, until your conscience decides what +course you will take, and until I see whether you can carry out your +threat.”</p> + +<p>“Certainly, certainly! I don’t wish to give you any unnecessary pain.”</p> + +<p>“You are consideration itself.” Hadria stooped to take the child’s hand. +The little fingers nestled confidingly in her palm.</p> + +<p>“Will you say good-bye, Martha?” asked the Professor, stooping to kiss +her. Martha drew away, and struck her father a sturdy blow on the face. +She had apparently a vague idea that he had been unkind to her +protectress, and that he was an enemy.</p> + +<p>“Oh, cruel, cruel! What if I don’t bring her any more toys?” Martha +threatened tears.</p> + +<p>“Will you allow us to pass?” said Hadria. The Professor stood aside, and +the two went, hand in hand, down the narrow path, and through the wicket +gate out of the churchyard. Hadria carried still the drooping yellow +heartsease that the little girl had given her.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLVI" id="CHAPTER_XLVI"></a>CHAPTER XLVI.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">PROFESSOR THEOBALD made his confession to Lady Engleton on that same +night, when he also announced that he found it suddenly necessary to +return to town.</p> + +<p>It was some time before she recovered from her astonishment and horror. +He told his story quietly, and without an effort to excuse himself.</p> + +<p>“Of course, though I can’t exonerate you, Professor, I blame her more +than you,” she said finally, “for her standard in the matter was so +different from your’s—you being a man.”</p> + +<p>The Professor suppressed a smile. It always seemed strange to him that a +woman should be harder on her own sex than on his, but he had no +intention of discouraging this lack of <em>esprit de corps</em>; it had its +obvious conveniences.</p> + +<p>“Did she confess everything to her aunt after her return from +Portsmouth?” asked Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Yes; I have that letter now.”</p> + +<p>“In which your name is mentioned?”</p> + +<p>“In which my name is mentioned. I sent money to the girl, but she +returned it. She said that she hated me, and would not touch it. So I +gave the money to the aunt, and told her to send it on, in her own name, +to Ellen, for the child’s support. Of course I made secrecy a condition. +So as a matter of fact, I have acknowledged the child, though not +publicly, and I have contributed to its support from its birth.”</p> + +<p>“But I thought Mrs. Temperley had been supporting it!” cried Lady +Engleton.</p> + +<p>“Nevertheless I have continued to send the money to the aunt. If Mrs. +Temperley chose to take charge of the child, I certainly had nothing to +complain of. And I could not openly contribute without declaring +myself.”</p> + +<p>“Dear me, it is all very strange! What would Hadria say if she knew?”</p> + +<p>“She does know.”</p> + +<p>“What, all along?”</p> + +<p>“No, since yesterday.”</p> + +<p>“And how does she take it?”</p> + +<p>“She is bitter against me. It is only natural, especially as I told her +that I wanted to have the child under my own care.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, that will be a blow to her. She was wrapped up in the little girl.”</p> + +<p>Professor Theobald pointed out the difficulties that must begin to crop +up, as she grew older. The child could not have the same advantages, in +her present circumstances, as the Professor would be able to give her. +Lady Engleton admitted that this was true.</p> + +<p>“Then may I count on you to plead my cause with Mrs. Temperley?”</p> + +<p>“If Hadria believes that it is for the child’s good, she will not stand +in the way.”</p> + +<p>“Unless——. You remember that idea of vengeance that she used to have?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, she would not let vengeance interfere with the child’s welfare!”</p> + +<p>“I hope not. You see I don’t want to adopt strong measures. The law is +always odious.”</p> + +<p>“The law!” Lady Engleton looked startled. “Are you sure that the law +would give you the custody of the child?”</p> + +<p>“Sure of the law? My dear lady, one might as well be sure of a +woman—pardon me; you know that I regard this quality of infinite +flexibility as one of the supreme charms of your sex. I can’t say that I +feel it to be the supreme charm of the law. Mrs. Temperley claims to +have her authority through the mother, because she has the written +consent of the aunt to the adoption, but I think this is rather +stretching a point.”</p> + +<p>“I fear it is, since the poor mother was dead at the time.”</p> + +<p>“I can prove everything I have said to the satisfaction of anybody,” +continued Theobald, “I think my claim to take charge of my child is well +established, and you will admit the wish is not unreasonable.”</p> + +<p>“It does you great credit, but, oh dear, it will be hard for Mrs. +Temperley.”</p> + +<p>“I fear it will. I am most grieved, but what am I to do? I must consider +the best interests of the child.”</p> + +<p>“Doubtless, but you are a trifle late, Professor, in thinking of that.”</p> + +<p>“Would you prefer it to be never than late?”</p> + +<p>“Heaven forbid!”</p> + +<p>“Then I may rely on you to explain the position of affairs to Mrs. +Temperley? You will understand that it is a painful subject between us.”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton readily promised. She called at the Red House immediately +after Professor Theobald’s departure. The interview was long.</p> + +<p>“Then I have not spoken in vain, dear Hadria?” said Lady Engleton, in +her most sympathetic tone. Hadria was very pale.</p> + +<p>“On the contrary, you have spoken to convince.”</p> + +<p>“I knew that you would do nothing to stand in the way of the child.”</p> + +<p>Hadria was silent.</p> + +<p>“I am very sorry about it. You were so devoted to the little girl, and +it does seem terribly hard that she should be taken away from you.”</p> + +<p>“It was my last chance,” Hadria muttered, half audibly.</p> + +<p>“Then I suppose you will not attempt to resist?”</p> + +<p>“No,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“He thinks of leaving Martha with you for another month.”</p> + +<p>“Really? It has not struck him that perhaps I may not keep her for +another month. Now that it is once established that Martha is to be +regarded as under <em>his</em> guardianship and authority, and that my +jurisdiction ceases, he must take her at once. I will certainly not act +for <em>him</em> in that matter. Since you are in his confidence, would you +kindly tell him that?”</p> + +<p>Lady Engleton looked surprised. “Certainly; I suppose he and his sister +will look after the child.”</p> + +<p>“I shall send Martha up with Hannah.”</p> + +<p>“It will astonish him.”</p> + +<p>“Does he really think I am going to act as his deputy?”</p> + +<p>“He thought you would be glad to have Martha as long as possible.”</p> + +<p>“As the child of Ellen Jervis, yes—not as his child.”</p> + +<p>“I don’t see that it matters much, myself,” said Lady Engleton, +“however, I will let him know.”</p> + +<p>“By telegram, please, because Martha will be sent to-morrow.”</p> + +<p>“What breathless haste!”</p> + +<p>“Why delay? Hannah will be there—she knows everything about her charge; +and if she is only allowed to stay——”</p> + +<p>“He told me he meant to keep her.”</p> + +<p>“I am thankful for that!”</p> + +<p>By this time, the story had flown through the village; nothing else was +talked of. The excitement was intense. Gossip ran high in hall and +cottage. Professor Fortescue alone could not be drawn into the +discussion. Lady Engleton took him aside and asked what he really +thought about it. All he would say was that the whole affair was deeply +tragic. He had no knowledge of the circumstances and feelings involved, +and his judgment must therefore be useless. It seemed more practical to +try to help one’s fellows to resist sin, than to shriek at convicted +sinners.</p> + +<p>His departure had been fixed for the following morning.</p> + +<p>“So you and poor little Martha will go up together by the afternoon +train, I suppose,” said Lady Engleton.</p> + +<p>Hadria spent the rest of the day at Martha’s cottage. There were many +preparations to make. Hannah was bustling about, her eyes red with +weeping. She was heart-broken. She declared that she could never live +with “that bad man.” But Hadria persuaded her, for Martha’s sake, to +remain. And Hannah, with another burst of tears, gave an assurance which +amounted to a pledge, that she would take a situation with the Father of +Evil himself, rather than desert the blessed child.</p> + +<p>“I wonder if Martha realizes at all what is going to happen,” said +Hadria sadly, as she stood watching the little girl playing with her +toys. Martha was talking volubly to the blue man. He still clung to a +precarious existence (though he was seriously chipped and faded since +the Paris days), and had as determined a centre of gravity as ever.</p> + +<p>“I don’t think she understands, ma’am,” said Hannah. “I kep’ on tellin’ +her, and once she cried and said she did not want to go, but she soon +forgot it.”</p> + +<p>Hadria remained till it was time to dress for dinner. Professor +Fortescue had promised to dine with her and Valeria on this last +evening. Little Martha had been put early to bed, in order that she +might have a long rest before the morrow’s journey. The golden curls lay +like strands of silk on the pillow, the bright eyes were closed in +healthful slumber. The child lay, the very image of fresh and pure and +sweet human life, with no thought and no dread of the uncertain future +that loomed before her. Hannah had gone upstairs to pack her own +belongings. The little window was open, as usual, letting the caressing +air wander in, as sweet and fresh as the little body and soul to which +it had ministered from the beginning.</p> + +<p>The busy, loud-ticking clock was working on with cheerful unconcern, as +if this were just like every other day whose passing moments it had +registered. The hands were pointing towards seven, and the dinner hour +was half-past seven. Hadria stood looking down at the sleeping child, +her hands resting on the low rail of the cot. There was a desolate look +in her eyes, and something more terrible still, almost beyond +definition. It was like the last white glow of some vast fire that has +been extinguished.</p> + +<p>Suddenly—as something that gives way by the run, after a long +resistance—she dropped upon her knees beside the cot with a slight cry, +and broke into a silent storm of sobs, deep and suppressed. The +stillness of the room was unbroken, and one could hear the loud +tick-tack of the little clock telling off the seconds with business-like +exactness.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_LVII" id="CHAPTER_LVII"></a>CHAPTER LVII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">THE evening was sultry. Although the windows of the dining-room were +wide open, not a breath of air came in from the garden. A dull, muggy +atmosphere brooded sullenly among the masses of the evergreens, and in +the thick summer foliage of the old walnut tree on the lawn.</p> + +<p>“How oppressive it is!” Valeria exclaimed.</p> + +<p>She had been asked to allow a niece of Madame Bertaux, who was to join +some friends in Italy, to make the journey under her escort, and the +date of her departure was therefore fixed. She had decided to return to +town on the morrow, to make her preparations.</p> + +<p>Valeria declared impulsively that she would stay at home, after all. She +could not bear to leave Hadria for so many lonely months.</p> + +<p>“Oh, no, no,” cried Hadria in dismay, “don’t let me begin <em>already</em> to +impoverish other lives!”</p> + +<p>Valeria remonstrated but Hadria persisted.</p> + +<p>“At least I have learnt <em>that</em> lesson,” she said. “I should have been a +fool if I hadn’t, for my life has been a sermon on the text.”</p> + +<p>Professor Fortescue gave a little frown, as he often did when some +painful idea passed through his mind.</p> + +<p>“It is happening everywhere,” said Hadria, “the poor, sterile lives +exhaust the strong and full ones. I will not be one of those vampire +souls, at least not while I have my senses about me.”</p> + +<p>Again, the little frown of pain contracted the Professor’s brow.</p> + +<p>The dusk had invaded the dinner table, but they had not thought of +candles. They went straight out to the still garden. Valeria had a fan, +with which she vainly tried to overcome the expression of the +atmosphere. She was very low-spirited. Hadria looked ill and exhausted. +Little Martha’s name was not mentioned. It was too sore a subject.</p> + +<p>“I can’t bear the idea of leaving you, Hadria, especially when you talk +like that. I wish, <em>how</em> I wish, that some way could be found out of +this labyrinth. Is this sort of thing to be the end of all the grand new +hopes and efforts of women? Is all our force to be killed and +overwhelmed in this absurd way?”</p> + +<p>“Ah, no, not all, in heaven’s name!”</p> + +<p>“But if women won’t repudiate, in practice, the claims that they hold to +be unjust, in theory, how can they hope to escape? We may talk to all +eternity, if we don’t act.”</p> + +<p>Hadria shrugged her shoulders.</p> + +<p>“Your reasoning is indisputable, but what can one do? There <em>are</em> +cases——in short, some things are impossible!”</p> + +<p>Valeria was silent. “I have thought, at times, that you might make a +better stand,” she said at last, clinging still to her theory of the +sovereignty of the will.</p> + +<p>Hadria did not reply.</p> + +<p>The Professor shook his head.</p> + +<p>“You know my present conditions,” said Hadria, after a silence. “I can’t +overcome them. But perhaps some one else in my place might overcome +them. I confess I don’t see how. Do you?”</p> + +<p>Valeria hesitated. She made some vague statement about strength of +character, and holding on through storm and stress to one’s purpose; had +not this been the history of all lives worth living?</p> + +<p>Hadria agreed, but pressed the practical question. And that Valeria +could not answer. She could not bring herself to say that the doctor’s +warnings ought to be disregarded by Hadria, at the risk of her mother’s +life. It was not merely a risk, but a practical certainty that any +further shock or trouble would be fatal. Valeria was tongue-tied.</p> + +<p>“Now do you see why I feel so terrified when anyone proposes to narrow +down his existence, even in the smallest particular, for my sake?” asked +Hadria. “It is because I see what awful power a human being may acquire +of ravaging and of ruling other lives, and I don’t want to acquire that +power. I see that the tyranny may be perfectly well-intentioned, and +indeed scarcely to be called tyranny, for it is but half conscious, yet +only the more irresistible for that.”</p> + +<p>“It is one’s own fault if one submits to <em>conscious</em> tyranny,” the +Professor put in, “and I think tyrant and victim are then much on a +par.”</p> + +<p>“A mere <em>demand</em> can be resisted,” Hadria added; “it is <em>grief</em>, real +grief, however unreasonable, that brings people to their knees. But, oh, +may the day hasten, when people shall cease to grieve when others claim +their freedom!”</p> + +<p>Valeria smiled. “I don’t think you are in much danger of grudging +liberty to your neighbours, Hadria; so you need not be so frightened of +becoming a vampire, as I think you call it.”</p> + +<p>“Not <em>now</em>, but how can one tell what the result of years and years of +monotonous existence may be, or the effect of example? How did it happen +that my mother came to feel aggrieved if her daughters claimed some +right of choice in the ordering of their lives? I suppose it is because +<em>her</em> mother felt aggrieved if <em>she</em> ventured to call her soul her own.”</p> + +<p>Valeria laughed.</p> + +<p>“But it is true,” said Hadria. “Very few of us, if any, are in the least +original as regards our sorrowing. We follow the fashion. We are not so +presumptuous as to decide for ourselves what shall afflict us.”</p> + +<p>“Or what shall transport us with joy,” added Valeria, with a shrug.</p> + +<p>“Still less perhaps. Tradition says ‘Weep, this is the moment,’ or +‘Rejoice, the hour has come,’ and we chant our dirge or kindle our +bonfires accordingly. Why, it means a little martyrdom to the occasional +sinner who selects his own occasion for sorrow or for joy.”</p> + +<p>Valeria laughed at the notion of Hadria’s being under the dictatorship +of tradition, or of anything else, as to her emotions.</p> + +<p>But Hadria held that everybody was more or less subject to the thraldom. +And the thraldom increased as the mind and the experience narrowed. And +as the narrowing process progressed, she said, the exhausting or vampire +quality grew and grew.</p> + +<p>“I have seen it, I have seen it! Those who have been starved in life, +levy a sort of tax on the plenty of others, in the instinctive effort to +replenish their own empty treasure-house. Only that is impossible. One +can gain no riches in that fashion. One can only reduce one’s victim to +a beggary like one’s own.”</p> + +<p>Valeria was perturbed.</p> + +<p>“The more I see of life, the more bitter a thing it seems to be a woman! +And one of the discouraging features of it is, that women are so ready +to oppress each other!”</p> + +<p>“Because they have themselves suffered oppression,” said the Professor. +“It is a law that we cannot evade; if we are injured, we pay back the +injury, whether we will or not, upon our neighbours. If we are blessed, +we bless, but if we are cursed, we curse.”</p> + +<p>“These moral laws, or laws of nature, or whatever one likes to call +them, seem to be stern as death!” exclaimed Valeria. “I suppose we are +all inheriting the curse that has been laid upon our mothers through so +many ages.”</p> + +<p>“We are not free from the shades of our grandmothers,” said Hadria, +“only I hope a little (when I have not been to the Vicarage for some +time) that we may be less of a hindrance and an obsession to our +granddaughters than our grandmothers have been to us.”</p> + +<p>“Ah! that way lies hope!” cried the Professor.</p> + +<p>“I wish, I <em>wish</em> I could believe!” Valeria exclaimed. “But I was born +ten years too early for the faith of this generation.”</p> + +<p>“It is you who have helped to give this generation its faith,” said +Hadria.</p> + +<p>“But have you real hope and real faith, in your heart of hearts? Tell +me, Hadria.”</p> + +<p>Hadria looked startled.</p> + +<p>“Ah! I knew it. Women <em>don’t</em> really believe that the cloud will lift. +If they really believed what they profess, they would prove it. They +would not submit and resign themselves. Oh, why don’t you shew what a +woman can do, Hadria?”</p> + +<p>Hadria gave a faint smile.</p> + +<p>She did not speak for some time, and when she did, her words seemed to +have no direct reference to Valeria’s question.</p> + +<p>“I believe that there are thousands and thousands of women whose lives +have run on parallel lines with mine.”</p> + +<p>She recalled a strange and grotesque vision, or waking-dream, that she +had dreamt a few nights before: of a vast abyss, black and silent, which +had to be filled up to the top with the bodies of women, hurled down to +the depths of the pit of darkness, in order that the survivors might, at +last, walk over in safety. Human bodies take but little room, and the +abyss seemed to swallow them, as some greedy animal its prey. But Hadria +knew, in her dream, that some day it would have claimed its last victim, +and the surface would be level and solid, so that people would come and +go, scarcely remembering that beneath their feet was once a chasm into +which throbbing lives had to descend, to darkness and a living death.</p> + +<p>Valeria looked anxious and ill at ease. She watched Hadria’s face.</p> + +<p>She was longing to urge her to leave Craddock Dene, but was deterred by +the knowledge of the uselessness of such advice. Hadria could not take +it.</p> + +<p>“I chafe against these situations!” cried Valeria. “I am so unused, in +my own life, to such tethers and limitations. They would drive me +crazy!”</p> + +<p>“Oh,” Hadria exclaimed, with an amused smile, “this is a new cry!”</p> + +<p>“I don’t care,” said Valeria discontentedly. “I never supposed that one +<em>could</em> be tied hand and foot, in this way. I should never stand it. It +is intolerable!”</p> + +<p>“These are what you have frequently commended to me as ‘home ties,’” +said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Oh, but it is impossible!”</p> + +<p>“You attack the family!” cried the Professor.</p> + +<p>“If the family makes itself ridiculous——?”</p> + +<p>The Professor and Hadria laughed. Valeria was growing excited.</p> + +<p>“The natural instinct of man to get his fun at his neighbour’s expense +meets with wholesome rebuffs in the outer world,” said the Professor, +“but in the family it has its chance. That’s why the family is so +popular.”</p> + +<p>Valeria, with her wonted capriciousness, veered round in defence of the +institution that she had been just jeering at.</p> + +<p>“Well, after all, it is the order of Nature to have one’s fun at the +expense of someone, and I don’t believe we shall ever be able to +practise any other principle, I mean on a national scale, however much +we may progress.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, but we shan’t progress unless we <em>do</em>,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>“You are always paradoxical.”</p> + +<p>“There is no paradox here. I am just as certain as I am of my own +existence, that real, solid, permanent progress is impossible to any +people until they recognise, as a mere truism, that whatever is gained +by cruelty, be it towards the humblest thing alive, is not gain, but the +worst of loss.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, you always go too far!” cried Valeria.</p> + +<p>“I don’t admit that in a horror of cruelty, it is possible to go too +far,” the Professor replied. “Cruelty is the one unpardonable sin.” He +passed his hand across his brow, with a weary gesture, as if the +pressure of misery and tumult and anguish in the world, were more than +he could bear.</p> + +<p>“You won’t give up your music, Hadria,” Valeria said, at the end of a +long cogitation.</p> + +<p>“It is a forlorn sort of pursuit,” Hadria answered, with a whimsical +smile, “but I will do all I can.” Valeria seemed relieved.</p> + +<p>“And you will not give up hope?”</p> + +<p>“Hope? Of what?”</p> + +<p>“Oh, of—of——. What an absurd question!”</p> + +<p>Hadria smiled. “It is better to face facts, I think, than to shroud them +away. After all, it is only by the rarest chance that character and +conditions happen to suit each other so well that the powers can be +developed. They are generally crushed. One more or less——.” Hadria +gave a shrug.</p> + +<p>The Professor broke in, abruptly.</p> + +<p>“It is exactly the one more or less that sends the balance up or down, +that decides the fate of men and nations. An individual often counts +more than a generation. If that were not so, nothing would be possible, +and hope would be insane.”</p> + +<p>“Perhaps it is!” said Hadria beneath her breath.</p> + +<p>The Professor had risen. He heard the last words, but made no +remonstrance. Yet there was a something in his expression that gave +comfort.</p> + +<p>“I fear I shall have to be going back,” he said, looking at his watch. +As he spoke, the first notes of a nightingale stole out of the +shrubbery. Voices were hushed, and the three stood listening spellbound, +to the wonderful impassioned song. Hadria marvelled at its strange +serenity, despite the passion, and speculated vaguely as to the +possibility of a paradox of the same kind in the soul of a human being. +Passion and serenity? Had not the Professor combined these apparent +contradictions?</p> + +<p>There was ecstasy so supreme in the bird’s note that it had become calm +again, like great heat that affects the senses, as with frost, or a +flooded river that runs swift and smooth for very fulness.</p> + +<p>Presently, a second nightingale began to answer from a distant tree, and +the garden was filled with the wild music. One or two stars had already +twinkled out.</p> + +<p>“I ought really to be going,” said the Professor.</p> + +<p>But he lingered still. His eyes wandered anxiously to Hadria’s white +face. He said good-night to Valeria, and then he and Hadria walked to +the gate together.</p> + +<p>“You will come back and see us at Craddock Dene soon after you return, +won’t you?” she said wistfully.</p> + +<p>“Of course I will. And I hope that meanwhile, you will set to work to +get strong and well. All your leisure ought to be devoted to that +object, for the present. I should be so delighted to hear from you now +and again, when you have a spare moment and the spirit moves you. I will +write and tell you how I fare, if I may. If, at any time, I can be of +service to you, don’t forget how great a pleasure it would be to me to +render it. I hope if ever I come back to England——”</p> + +<p>“When you come back,” Hadria corrected, hastily.</p> + +<p>——“that we may meet oftener.”</p> + +<p>“Indeed, that will be something to look forward to!”</p> + +<p>They exchanged the hearty, lingering handshake of trusty friendship and +deep affection. The last words, the last good wishes, were spoken, the +last wistful effort was made of two human souls to bid each other be of +good cheer, and to bring to one another comfort and hope. Hadria leant +on the gate, a lonely figure in the dim star-light, watching the form +that had already become shadowy, retreating along the road and gradually +losing itself in the darkness.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLVIII" id="CHAPTER_XLVIII"></a>CHAPTER XLVIII.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">AUTUMN had come round again. Craddock Dene had calmed down after the +exciting event of the summer. Martha’s little cottage was now standing +empty, the virginia creeper trailing wildly, in thick festoons and +dangling sprays over the porch and creeping up round the windows, even +threatening to cover them with a ruddy screen, since now the bright +little face no longer looked out of the latticed panes, and the cottage +was given over to dust and spiders.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Temperley was often seen by the villagers passing along the road +towards Craddock. She would sometimes pause at the cottage, to gather a +few of the flowers that still came up in the tiny garden. It was said +that she gathered them to lay on Ellen Jervis’s grave.</p> + +<p>“Dear, dear, she do take on about that child!” Dodge used to say, as she +passed up the street of Craddock. And Mrs. Gullick, good soul, would +shake her head and express her sympathy, in spite of not “holding” with +Mrs. Temperley’s “ways.”</p> + +<p>Her poorer neighbours understood far more than the others could +understand, how sorely she was grieving about the child. Because she +said nothing on the subject, it was generally supposed that she had +ceased to care. After all, it was an act of charity that she had +undertaken, on an impulse, and it was quite as well that she should be +relieved of the responsibility.</p> + +<p>Hannah used to write regularly, to let her know how Martha was. +Professor Theobald had directed Hannah to do this. The nurse had to +admit that he was very good and very devoted to the child. She throve in +her new home, and seemed perfectly happy.</p> + +<p>Hadria was now delivered over to the tender mercies of her own thoughts. +Her memories burnt, as corrosive acids, in her brain. She could find no +shadow of protection from her own contempt. There was not one nook or +cranny into which that ruthless self-knowledge could not throw its cruel +glare. In the hours of darkness, in the haunted hours of the early +morning, she and her memories played horrible games with one another. +She was hunted, they the hunters. There was no thought on which she +could rest, no consoling remembrance. She often wished that she had +followed her frequent impulse to tell Miss Du Prel the whole wretched +story. But she could not force herself to touch the subject through the +painful medium of speech. Valeria knew that Hadria was capable of any +outward law-breaking, but she would never be prepared for the breaking +of her own inner law, the real canon on which she had always laid so +much stress. And then she had shrunk from the idea of betraying a secret +not solely her own. If she told the story, Valeria would certainly guess +the name. She felt a still greater longing that Professor Fortescue +should know the facts; he would be able to help her to face it all, and +to take the memory into her life and let its pain eat out what was base +and evil in her soul. He would give her hope; his experience, his +extraordinary sympathy, would enable him to understand it all, better +than she did herself. If he would look at this miserable episode +unflinchingly, and still hold out his hand to her, as she knew he would, +and still believe in her, then she might believe still in herself, in +her power of rising after this lost illusion, this shock of +self-detection, and of going on again, sadder, and perhaps stronger; but +if he thought that since she was capable of a real treason against her +gods, that she was radically unsound at heart, and a mass of +sophistication, then—Hadria buried her face in the pillow. She went +through so often now, these paroxysms of agony. Do what she would, look +where she might, she saw no relief. She was afraid to trust herself. She +was afraid to accept her own suggestions of comfort, if ever a ray of it +came to her, lest it should be but another form of self-deception, +another proof of moral instability. In her eternal tossing to and fro, +in mental anguish, the despairing idea often assailed her: that after +all, it did not matter what she did or thought. She was but an atom of +the vast whole, a drop in the ocean of human life.</p> + +<p>She had no end or motive in anything. She could go on doing what had to +be done to the last, glad if she might bring a little pleasure in so +acting, but beyond that, what was there to consider? The wounds to her +vanity and her pride ached a little, at times, but the infinitely deeper +hurt of disillusion overwhelmed the lesser feeling. She was too +profoundly sad to care for that trivial mortification.</p> + +<p>Sometimes, Professor Fortescue used to write to Hadria, and she looked +forward to these letters as to nothing else. She heard from Valeria +also, who had met the Professor at Siena. She said he did not look as +well as she had hoped to find him. She could not see that he had gained +at all, since leaving England. He was cheerful, and enjoying sunny Italy +as much as his strength would allow. Valeria was shocked to notice how +very weak he was. He had a look in his face that she could not bear to +see. If he did not improve soon, she thought of trying to persuade him +to return home to see his doctor again. When one was ill, home was the +best place after all.</p> + +<p>“You and Professor Fortescue,” she said, in closing her letter, “are the +two people I love in the world. You are all that I have in life to cling +to. Write to me, dearest Hadria, for I am very anxious and wretched.”</p> + +<p>The affairs of life and death mix themselves incongruously enough, in +this confused world. The next news that stirred the repose of Craddock +Dene, was that of Algitha’s engagement to Wilfrid Burton. In spite of +his socialistic views, Mrs. Fullerton was satisfied with the marriage, +because Wilfrid Burton was well-connected and had good expectations. The +mother had feared that Algitha would never marry at all, and she not +only raised no objection, but seemed relieved. Wilfrid Burton had come +down to stay at the Red House, during one of Algitha’s holidays, and it +was then that the betrothal had taken place. The marriage promised to be +happy, for the couple were deeply attached and had interests in common. +They intended to continue to work on the same lines after they were +married. Both parents were favourably impressed by the son-in-law elect, +and the Cottage became the scene of exciting arguments on the subject of +socialism. Mr. Fullerton insisted on holding Wilfrid Burton responsible +for every sort of theory that had ever been attributed not merely to +socialists, but to communists, anarchists, collectivists, nihilists, and +the rest; and nothing would persuade him that the young man was not +guilty of all these contradictory enormities of thought. Wilfrid’s +personality, however, overcame every prejudice against him, on this +account, after the first meeting.</p> + +<p>Joseph Fleming, among others, congratulated Algitha heartily on her +engagement.</p> + +<p>“I can see you are very happy,” he said naïvely. She laughed and +coloured.</p> + +<p>“Indeed I ought to be. Life is gloriously worth living, when it is lived +in the presence of good and generous souls.”</p> + +<p>“I wish <em>I</em> had married,” said Joseph pensively.</p> + +<p>“It is not too late to mend,” suggested Algitha.</p> + +<p>“How reckless you are!” exclaimed her sister. “How can you recommend +marriage in the abstract? You happen to have met just the right person, +but Mr. Fleming hasn’t, it would seem.”</p> + +<p>“If one person can be so fortunate, so can another,” said Algitha.</p> + +<p>“Why tempt Providence? Rather bear the ills you have——”</p> + +<p>“I am surprised to hear you take a gloomy view of anything, Mrs. +Temperley,” said Joseph; “I always thought you so cheerful. You say +funnier things than any lady I have ever met, except an Irish girl who +used to sing comic songs.”</p> + +<p>Both sisters laughed.</p> + +<p>“How do you know that, in the intervals of her comic songs, that girl +has not a gloomy disposition?” asked Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Oh no, you can see that she is without a care in the world; she is like +Miss Fullerton, always full of good cheer and kindness.”</p> + +<p>“Had she also slums to cheer her up?” asked Hadria.</p> + +<p>“No, not at all. She never does anything in particular.”</p> + +<p>“I am surprised that she is cheerful then,” said Algitha. “It won’t +last.”</p> + +<p>“It is her slums that keep my sister in such good spirits,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“Really! Well, if you are fond of that sort of thing, Mrs. Temperley, +there are some nasty enough places at the lower end of Craddock——”</p> + +<p>“Oh, it isn’t that one clings to slums for slums’ sake,” cried Hadria +laughing.</p> + +<p>“I am afraid they are already overrun with visitors,” Joseph added. +“There are so many Miss Walkers.”</p> + +<p>It was not long after this conversation, that Craddock Dene was thrilled +by another piece of matrimonial news. Joseph Fleming was announced to be +engaged to the Irish girl who sang comic songs. She was staying with +Mrs. Jordan at the time. And the Irish girl, whose name was Kathleen +O’Halloran, came and sang her comic songs to Craddock Dene, while Joseph +sat and beamed in pride and happiness, and the audience rippled with +laughter.</p> + +<p>Kathleen was very pretty and very fascinating, with her merry, +kind-hearted ways, and she became extremely popular with her future +neighbours.</p> + +<p>Little changes had taken place in the village, through death or marriage +or departure. Dodge had laid to rest many victims of influenza, which +visited the neighbourhood with great severity. Among the slain, poor +Dodge had to number his own wife. The old man was broken down with his +loss. He loved to talk over her illness and death with Hadria, whose +presence seemed to comfort him more than anything else, as he assured +her, in his quaint dialect.</p> + +<p>Sometimes, returning through the Craddock Woods, Hadria would pass +through the churchyard on her way home, after her walk, and there she +would come upon Dodge patiently at work upon some new grave, the sound +of his pickaxe breaking the autumn silence, ominously. His head was more +bent than of yore, and his hair was whiter. His old face would brighten +up when he heard Hadria’s footstep, and he would pause, a moment or two, +for a gossip. The conversation generally turned upon his old “missus,” +who was buried under a yew tree, near the wicket gate. Then he would ask +after Hadria’s belongings; about her father and mother, about Hubert, +and the boys. Mr. Fullerton had made the gravedigger’s acquaintance, and +won his hearty regard by many a chat and many a little kindness. Dodge +had never ceased to regret that Martha had been taken away from +Craddock. The place seemed as if it had gone to sleep, he said. Things +weren’t as they used to be.</p> + +<p>Hadria would often go to see the old man, trying to cheer him and +minister to his growing ailments. His shrewdness was remarkable. Mr. +Fullerton quoted Dodge as an authority on matters of practical +philosophy, and the old gravedigger became a sort of oracle at the +Cottage. Wilfrid Burton complained that he was incessantly confronted +with some saying of Dodge, and from this there was no appeal.</p> + +<p>The news from Italy was still far from reassuring. Valeria was terribly +anxious. But she felt thankful, she said, to be with the invalid and +able to look after him. The doctors would not hear of his returning to +England at the approach of winter. It would be sheer suicide. He must go +further south. Valeria had met some old friends, among them Madame +Bertaux, and they had decided to go on together, perhaps to Naples or +Sorrento. Her friends had all fallen in love with the Professor, as +every one did. They were a great help and comfort to her. If it were not +for the terrible foreboding, Valeria said she would be perfectly happy. +The Professor’s presence seemed to change the very atmosphere. He spoke +often about Hadria, and over and over again asked Valeria to watch over +her and help her. And he spoke often about his wife. Valeria confessed +that, at one time, she used to be horribly and shamefully jealous of +this wife, whom he worshipped so faithfully, but now that feeling had +left her. She was thankful for the great privilege of his friendship. A +new tone had come over Valeria’s letters, of late; the desperate, almost +bitter element had passed away, and something approaching serenity had +taken its place.</p> + +<p>No one, she said, could be in the Professor’s presence every day, and +remain exactly the same as before. She saw his potent, silent influence +upon every creature who crossed his path. He came and went among his +fellows, quietly, beneficently, and each was the better for having met +him, more or less, according to the fineness and sensitiveness of the +nature.</p> + +<p>“My love for him,” said Valeria, “used at one time to be a great trouble +to me. It made me restless and unhappy. Now I am glad of it, and though +there must be an element of pain in a hopeless love, yet I hold myself +fortunate to have cherished it.”</p> + +<p>Hadria received this letter from the postman when she was coming out of +Dodge’s cottage.</p> + +<p>It threw her into a conflict of strong and painful feeling: foreboding, +heart-sickness, a longing so strong to see her friends that it seemed as +if she must pack up instantly and go to them, and through it all, a +sense of loneliness that was almost unbearable. How she envied Valeria! +To love with her whole heart, without a shadow of doubt; to have that +element of warmth in her life which could never fail her, like sunshine +to the earth. Among the cruelest elements of Hadria’s experience had +been that emptying of her heart; the rebuff to the need for love, the +conviction that she was to go through life without its supreme emotion. +Professor Theobald had thrown away what might have been a +master-passion. The outlook was so blank and cold, so unutterably +lonely! She looked back to the days at Dunaghee, as if several lifetimes +had passed between her and them. What illusions they had all harboured +in those strange old days!</p> + +<p>“Do you remember our famous discussion on Emerson in the garret?” she +said to Algitha.</p> + +<p>“Do I? It is one of the episodes of our youth that stands out most +distinctly.”</p> + +<p>“And how about Emerson’s doctrine? <em>Are</em> we the makers of our +circumstances? <em>Does</em> our fate ‘fit us like a glove?’”</p> + +<p>Algitha looked thoughtful. “I doubt it,” she said.</p> + +<p>“Yet you have brilliantly done what you meant to do.”</p> + +<p>“My own experience does not overshadow my judgment entirely, I hope,” +said Algitha. “I have seen too much of a certain tragic side of life to +be able to lay down a law of that sort. I can’t believe, for instance, +that among all those millions in the East End, not <em>one</em> man or woman, +for all these ages, was born with great capacities, which better +conditions might have allowed to come to fruition. I think you were +right, after all. It is a matter of relation.”</p> + +<p>The autumn was unusually fine, and the colours sumptuous beyond +description. The vast old trees that grew so tall and strong, in the +genial English soil, burnt away their summer life in a grand +conflagration.</p> + +<p>Hubert had successfully carried the day with regard to the important +case which had taken him abroad, and had now returned to Craddock Dene. +Henriette came to stay at the Red House.</p> + +<p>She followed her brother, one day, into the smoking-room, and there, +with much tact and circumlocution, gave him to understand that she +thought Hadria was becoming more sensible; that she was growing more +like other people, less opinionated, wiser, and better in every way.</p> + +<p>“Hadria was always very sweet, of course,” said Henriette, “but she had +the faults of her qualities, as we all have. You have had your trials, +dear Hubert, but I rejoice to believe that Hadria will give you little +further cause for pain or regret.” Hubert made no reply. He placed the +tips of his fingers together and looked into the fire.</p> + +<p>“I think that the companionship of Lady Engleton has been of great +service to Hadria,” he observed, after a long pause.</p> + +<p>“Unquestionably,” assented Henriette. “She has had an enormous influence +upon her. She has taught Hadria to see that one may hold one’s own ideas +quietly, without flying in everybody’s face. Lady Engleton is a +pronounced agnostic, yet she never misses a Sunday at Craddock Church, +and I am glad to see that Hadria is following her example. It must be a +great satisfaction to you, Hubert. People used to talk unpleasantly +about Hadria’s extremely irregular attendance. It is such a mistake to +offend people’s ideas, in a small place like this.”</p> + +<p>“That is what I told Hadria,” said Hubert, “and her mother has been +speaking seriously to her on the subject. Hadria made no opposition, +rather to my surprise. She said that she would go as regularly as our +dining-room clock, if it gave us all so much satisfaction.”</p> + +<p>“How charming!” cried Henriette benevolently, “and how characteristic!”</p> + +<p>As Hadria sank in faith and hope, she rose in the opinion of her +neighbours. She was never nearer to universal unbelief than now, when +the orthodox began to smile upon her.</p> + +<p>Life presented itself to her as a mere welter of confused forces. If +goodness, or aspiration, or any godlike thing arose, for a moment—like +some shipwrecked soul with hands out-stretched above the waves—swiftly +it sank again submerged, leaving only a faint ripple on the surface, +soon overswept and obliterated.</p> + +<p>She could detect no light on the face of the troubled waters. Looking +around her at other lives, she saw the story written in different +characters, but always the same; hope, struggle, failure. The pathos of +old age wrung her heart; the sorrows of the poor, the lonely, the +illusions of the seeker after wealth, the utter vanity of the objects of +men’s pursuit, and the end of it all!</p> + +<p>“I wonder what is the secret of success, Hadria?”</p> + +<p>“Speaking generally, I should say to have a petty aim.”</p> + +<p>“Then if one succeeds after a long struggle,” said Algitha pensively.</p> + +<p>“One finds it, I doubt not, the dismalest of failures.”</p> + +<p>A great cloud of darkness seemed to have descended over the earth. +Hadria felt cut off even from Nature. The splendours of the autumn +appeared at a vast distance from her. They belonged to another world. +She could not get near them. Mother earth had deserted her child.</p> + +<p>A superficial apathy was creeping over her, below which burnt a slow +fire of pain. But the greater the apathy, which expressed itself +outwardly in a sort of cheerful readiness to take things as they came, +the more delighted everybody appeared to be with the repentant sinner. +Her associates seemed to desire earnestly that she should go to church, +as they did, in her best bonnet——and why not? She would get a best +bonnet, as ridiculous as they pleased, and let Mr. Walker do his worst. +What did it matter? Who was the better or the worse for what she thought +or how she acted? What mattered it, whether she were consistent or not? +What mattered it if she seemed, by her actions, to proclaim her belief +in dogmas that meant nothing to her, except as interesting products of +the human mind? She had not enough faith to make it worth while to stand +alone.</p> + +<p>Lord Engleton said he thought it right to go to church regularly, for +the sake of setting an example to the masses, a sentiment which always +used to afford Hadria more amusement than many intentional witticisms.</p> + +<p>She went often to the later service, when the autumn twilight lay heavy +and sad upon the churchyard, and the peace of evening stole in through +the windows of the church. Then, as the sublime poetry of psalmist or +prophet rolled through the Norman arches, or the notes of the organ +stole out of the shadowed chancel, a spirit of repose would creep into +the heart of the listener, and the tired thoughts would take a more +rhythmic march. She felt nearer to her fellows, at such moments, than at +any other. Her heart went out to them, in wistful sympathy. They seemed +to be standing together then, one and all, at the threshold of the great +Mystery, and though they might be parted ever so widely by circumstance, +temperament, mental endowment, manner of thought, yet after all, they +were brethren and fellow sufferers; they shared the weakness, the +longing, the struggle of life; they all had affections, ambitions, +heart-breakings, sins, and victories; the differences were slight and +transient, in the presence of the vast unknown, the Ultimate Reality for +which they were all groping in the darkness. This sense of brotherhood +was strongest with regard to the poorer members of the congregation: the +labourers with their toil-stained hands and bent heads, the wives, the +weary mothers, their faces seamed with the ceaseless strain of +child-bearing, and hard work, and care and worry. In their prematurely +ageing faces, in their furrowed brows, Hadria could trace the marks of +Life’s bare and ruthless hand, which had pressed so heavily on those +whose task it had been to bestow the terrible gift. Here the burden had +crushed soul and flesh; here that insensate spirit of Life had worked +its will, gratified its rage to produce and reproduce, it mattered not +what in the semblance of the human, so long only as that wretched +semblance repeated itself, and repeated itself again, <em>ad nauseam</em>, +while it destroyed the creatures which it used for its wild purpose——</p> + +<p>And the same savage story was written, once more, on the faces of the +better dressed women: worry, weariness, apathy, strain; these were +marked unmistakeably, after the first freshness of youth had been driven +away, and the features began to take the mould of the habitual thoughts +and the habitual impressions.</p> + +<p>And on these faces, there was a certain pettiness and coldness not +observable on those of the poorer women.</p> + +<p>Often, when one of the neighbours called and found Hadria alone, some +chance word of womanly sympathy would touch a spring, and then a sad, +narrow little story of trouble and difficulty would be poured out; a +revelation of the bewildered, toiling, futile existences that were being +passed beneath a smooth appearance; of the heart-ache and heroism and +misplaced sacrifice, of the ruined lives that a little common sense and +common kindness might have saved; the unending pain and trouble about +matters entirely trivial, entirely absurd; the ceaseless travail to +bring forth new elements of trouble for those who must inherit the deeds +of to-day; the burdened existences agonizing to give birth to new +existences, equally burdened, which in their turn, were to repeat the +ceaseless oblation to the gods of Life.</p> + +<p>“Futile?” said Lady Engleton. “I think women are generally fools, <em>entre +nous</em>; that is why they so often fill their lives with sound and fury, +accomplishing nothing.”</p> + +<p>Hadria felt that this was a description of her own life, as well as that +of most of her neighbours.</p> + +<p>“I can understand so well how it is that women become conventional,” she +said, apparently without direct reference to the last remark, “it is so +useless to take the trouble to act on one’s own initiative. It annoys +everybody frightfully, and it accomplishes nothing, as you say.”</p> + +<p>“My dear Hadria, you alarm me!” cried Lady Engleton, laughing. “You must +really be very ill indeed, if you have come to this conclusion!”</p> + +<p>In looking over some old papers and books, one afternoon, Hadria came +upon the little composition called <em>Futility</em>, which a mood had called +forth at Dunaghee, years ago. She had almost forgotten about it, and in +trying it over, she found that it was like trying over the work of some +other person.</p> + +<p>It expressed with great exactness the feelings that overwhelmed her now, +whenever she let her imagination dwell upon the lives of women, of +whatever class and whatever kind. Futility! The mournful composition, +with its strange modern character, its suggestion of striving and +confusion and pain, expressed as only music could express, the yearning +and the sadness that burden so many a woman’s heart to-day.</p> + +<p>She knew that the music was good, and that now she could compose music +infinitely better. The sharpness of longing for her lost art cut through +her. She half turned from the piano and then went back, as a moth to the +flame.</p> + +<p>How was this eternal tumult to be stilled? Facts were definite and +clear, there was no room for doubt or for hope. These facts then had to +be dealt with. How did other women deal with them? Not so much better +than she did, after all, as it appeared when one was allowed to see +beneath the amiable surface of their lives. They were all spinning round +and round, in a dizzy little circle, all whirling and toiling and +troubling, to no purpose.</p> + +<p>Even Lady Engleton, who appeared so bright and satisfied, had her secret +misery which spoilt her life. She had beauty, talent, wealth, everything +to make existence pleasant and satisfactory, but she had allowed +externals and unessentials to encroach upon it, to govern her actions, +to usurp the place of her best powers, to creep into her motives, till +there was little germ and heart of reality left, and she was beginning +to feel starved and aimless in the midst of what might have been plenty. +Lady Engleton had turned to her neighbour at the Red House in an +instinctive search for sympathy, as the more genuine side of her nature +began to cry out against the emptiness of her graceful and ornate +existence. Hadria was startled by the revelation. Hubert had always held +up Lady Engleton as a model of virtue and wisdom, and perfect +contentment. Yet she too, it turned out, for all her smiles and her +cheerfulness, was busy and weary with futilities. She too, like the +fifty daughters of Danaus, was condemned to the idiot’s labour of +eternally drawing water in sieves from fathomless wells.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XLIX" id="CHAPTER_XLIX"></a>CHAPTER XLIX.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">ALGITHA’S marriage took place almost immediately. There was no reason +for delay. She stayed at the Cottage, and was married at Craddock +Church, on one of the loveliest mornings of the year, as the villagers +noticed with satisfaction. Both sisters had become favourites in the +neighbourhood among the poorer people, and the inhabitants mustered to +see the wedding.</p> + +<p>It was only for her mother’s sake that Algitha had consented to a +conventional ceremony. She said that she and Wilfrid both hated the +whole barbaric show. They submitted only because there was no help for +it. Algitha’s mother would have broken her heart if they had been bound +merely by the legal tie, as she and Wilfrid desired.</p> + +<p>“Indeed, the only tie that we respect is that of our love and faith. If +that failed, we should scorn to hold one another in unwilling bondage. +We are not entirely without self-respect.”</p> + +<p>The couple were to take a tour in Italy, where they hoped to meet +Valeria and Professor Fortescue. Joseph Fleming was married, almost at +the same time, to his merry Irish girl.</p> + +<p>The winter came suddenly. Some terrific gales had robbed the trees of +their lingering yellow leaves, and the bare branches already shewed +their exquisite tracery against the sky. Heavy rain followed, and the +river was swollen, and there were floods that made the whole country +damp, and rank, and terribly depressing. Mrs. Fullerton felt the +influence of the weather, and complained of neuralgia and other +ailments. She needed watching very carefully, and plenty of cheerful +companionship. This was hard to supply. In struggling to belie her +feelings, day after day, Hadria feared, at times, that she would break +down disastrously. She was frightened at the strange haunting ideas that +came to her, the dread and nameless horror that began to prey upon her, +try as she would to protect herself from these nerve-torments, which she +could trace so clearly to their causes. If only, instead of making one +half insane and stupid, the strain of grief would but kill one outright, +and be done with it!</p> + +<p>Old Dodge was a good friend to Hadria, at this time. He saw that +something was seriously wrong, and he managed to convey his affectionate +concern in a thousand little kindly ways that brought comfort to her +loneliness, and often filled her eyes with sudden tears. Nor was he the +only friend she had in the village, whose sympathy was given in generous +measure. Hadria had been able to be of use, at the time of the +disastrous epidemic which had carried off so many of the population, and +since then had been admitted to more intimate relationship with the +people; learning their troubles and their joys, their anxieties, and the +strange pathos of their lives. She learnt, at this time, the quality of +English kindness and English sympathy, which Valeria used to say was +equalled nowhere in the world.</p> + +<p>Before the end of the winter, Algitha and her husband returned.</p> + +<p>“I’m real glad, mum, that I be,” said Dodge, “to think as you has your +sister with you again. There ain’t nobody like one’s kith and kin, wen +things isn’t quite as they should be, as one may say. Miss +Fullerton—which I means Mrs. Burton—is sure to do you a sight o’ good, +bless ’er.”</p> + +<p>Dodge was right. Algitha’s healthy nature, strengthened by happiness and +success, was of infinite help to Hadria, in her efforts to shake off the +symptoms that had made her frightened of herself. She did not know what +tricks exhausted nerves might play upon her, or what tortures they had +in store for her.</p> + +<p>Algitha’s judgments were inclined to be definite and clear-cut to the +point of hardness. She did not know the meaning of over-wrought nerves, +nor the difficulties of a nature more imaginative than her own. She had +found her will-power sufficient to meet all the emergencies of her life, +and she was disposed to feel a little contemptuous, especially of late, +at a persistent condition of difficulty and confusion. Her impulse was +to attack such a condition and bring it to order, by force of will. The +active temperament is almost bound to misunderstand the imaginative or +artistic spirit and its difficulties. A real <em>cul de sac</em> was to Algitha +almost unthinkable. There <em>must</em> be some means of finding one’s way out.</p> + +<p>Hadria’s present attitude amazed and irritated her. She objected to her +regular church-going, as dishonest. Was she not, for the sake of peace +and quietness, professing that which she did not believe? And how was it +that she was growing more into favour with the Jordans and Walkers and +all the narrow, wooden-headed people? Surely an ominous sign.</p> + +<p>After the long self-suppression, the long playing of a fatiguing rôle, +Hadria felt an unspeakable relief in Algitha’s presence. To her, at +least, she need not assume a false cheerfulness.</p> + +<p>Algitha noticed, with anxiety, the change that was coming over her +sister, the spirit of tired acquiescence, the insidious creeping in of a +slightly cynical view of things, in place of the brave, believing, +imaginative outlook that she had once held towards life. This cynicism +was more or less superficial however, as Algitha found when they had a +long and intimate conversation, one evening in Hadria’s room, by her +fire; but it was painful to Algitha to hear the hopeless tones of her +sister’s voice, now that she was speaking simply and sincerely, without +bitterness, but without what is usually called resignation.</p> + +<p>“No; I don’t think it is all for the best,” said Hadria. “I think, as +far as my influence goes, it is all for the worst. What fatal argument +my life will give to those who are seeking reasons to hold our sex in +the old bondage! My struggles, my failure, will add to the staggering +weight that we all stumble under. I have hindered more—that is the +bitter thing—by having tried and failed, than if I had never tried at +all. Mrs. Walker, Mrs. Gordon herself, has given less arguments to the +oppressors than I.”</p> + +<p>“But why? But how?” cried Algitha incredulously.</p> + +<p>“Because no one can point to <em>them</em>, as they will to me, and say, ‘See, +what a ghastly failure! See how feeble after all, are these pretentious +women of the new order, who begin by denying the sufficiency of the life +assigned them, by common consent, and end by failing in that and in the +other which they aspire to. What has become of all the talent and all +the theories and resolves?’ And so the next girl who dares to have +ambitions, and dares to scorn the <em>rôle</em> of adventuress that society +allots to her, will have the harder fate because of my attempt. Now +nothing in the whole world,” cried Hadria, her voice losing the even +tones in which she had been speaking, “nothing in the whole world will +ever persuade me that <em>that</em> is all for the best!”</p> + +<p>“I never said it was, but when a thing has to be, why not make the best +of it?”</p> + +<p>“And so persuade people that all is well, when all is not well! That’s +exactly what women always do and always have done, and plume themselves +upon it. And so this ridiculous farce is kept up, because these wretched +women go smiling about the world, hugging their stupid resignation to +their hearts, and pampering up their sickly virtue, at the expense of +their sex. Hang their virtue!”</p> + +<p>Algitha laughed.</p> + +<p>“It <em>is</em> somewhat self-regarding certainly, in spite of the incessant +renunciation and sacrifice.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, self-sacrifice in a woman, is always her easiest course. It is the +nearest approach to luxury that society allows her,” cried Hadria, +irascibly.</p> + +<p>“It is most refreshing to hear you exaggerate, once more, with the old +vigour,” her sister cried.</p> + +<p>“If I have a foible, it is under-statement,” returned Hadria, with a +half-smile.</p> + +<p>“Then I think you haven’t a foible,” said Algitha.</p> + +<p>“That I am ready to admit; but seriously, women seem bent on proving +that you may treat them as you like, but they will ‘never desert Mr. +Micawber.’”</p> + +<p>Algitha smiled.</p> + +<p>“They are so mortally afraid of getting off the line and doing what +might not be quite right. They take such a morbid interest in their own +characters. They are so particular about their souls. The female soul is +such a delicate creation—like a bonnet. Look at a woman trimming and +poking at her bonnet—that’s exactly how she goes on with her soul.”</p> + +<p>Algitha laughed and shrugged her shoulders.</p> + +<p>“It has trained her in a sort of heroism, at any rate,” she said.</p> + +<p>“Heroism! talk of Spartan boys, they are not in it! A woman will endure +martyrdom with the expression of a seraph,—an extremely aggravating +seraph. She looks after her soul as if it were the ultimate fact of the +universe. She will trim and preen that ridiculous soul, though the +heavens fall and the rest of her sex perish.”</p> + +<p>“Come now, I think there are exceptions.”</p> + +<p>“A few, but very few. It is a point of honour, a sacred canon. Women +will go on patiently drawing water in sieves, and pretend they are +usefully employed because it tires them!”</p> + +<p>“They believe it,” said Algitha.</p> + +<p>“Perhaps so. But it’s very silly.”</p> + +<p>“It is really well meant. It is a submission to the supposed will of +heaven.”</p> + +<p>“A poor compliment to Heaven!” Hadria exclaimed.</p> + +<p>“Well, it is not, of course, your conception nor mine of the will of +heaven, but it is their’s.”</p> + +<p>Hadria shrugged her shoulders. “I wish women would think a little less +of Heaven in the abstract, and a little more of one another, in the +concrete.”</p> + +<p>“Nobody has ever taught them to think of one another; on the contrary, +they have always been trained to think of men, and of Heaven, and their +souls. That training accounts for their attitude towards their own sex.”</p> + +<p>“I suppose so. A spirit of sisterhood among women would have sadly upset +the social scheme, as it has been hitherto conceived. Indeed the social +scheme has made such a spirit well-nigh impossible.”</p> + +<p>“A conquering race, if it is wise, governs its subjects largely through +their internecine squabbles and jealousies. <em>But what if they +combine——?</em>”</p> + +<p>“Ah!” Hadria drew a deep sigh. “I wish the moment of sisterhood were a +little nearer.”</p> + +<p>“Heaven hasten it!” cried Algitha.</p> + +<p>“Perhaps it is nearer than we imagine. Women are quick learners, when +they begin. But, oh, it is hard sometimes to make them begin. They are +so annoyingly abject; so painfully diffident. It is their pride to be +humble. The virtuous worm won’t even turn!”</p> + +<p>“Poor worm! It sometimes permits itself the relief of verbal +expression!” observed Algitha.</p> + +<p>Hadria laughed. “There are smiling, villainous worms, who deny +themselves even <em>that!</em>”</p> + +<p>After a long silence, Algitha taking the poker in her hand and altering +the position of some of the coals, asked what Hadria meant to do in the +future; how she was going to “turn,” if that was her intention.</p> + +<p>“Oh, I cannot even turn!” replied Hadria. “Necessity knows no law. The +one thing I won’t do, is to be virtuously resigned. And I won’t ‘make +the best of it.’”</p> + +<p>Algitha laughed. “I am relieved to hear so wrong-headed a sentiment from +you. It sounds more like your old self.”</p> + +<p>“I won’t be called wrong-headed on this account,” said Hadria. “If my +life is to bear testimony to the truth, its refrain ought to be, ‘This +is wrong, this is futile, this is cruel, this is damnable.’ I shall warn +every young woman I come across, to beware, as she grows older, and has +people in her clutches, not to express her affection by making +unlimited demands on the beloved objects, nor by turning the world into +a prison-house for those whom she honours with her devotion. The hope of +the future lies in the rising generation. You can’t alter those who have +matured in the old ideas. It is for us to warn. I <em>won’t</em> pretend to +think that things are all right, when I know they are not all right. +That would be mean. What is called making the best of it, would testify +all the wrong way. My life, instead of being a warning, would be a sort +of a trap. Let me at least play the humble rôle of scarecrow. I am in +excellent condition for it,” she added, grasping her thin wrist.</p> + +<p>Algitha shook her head anxiously.</p> + +<p>“I fear,” she said, “that the moral that most people will draw will be: +‘Follow in the path of Mrs. Gordon, however distasteful it may seem to +you, and whatever temptations you feel towards a more independent life. +If you don’t, you will come to grief.’”</p> + +<p>“Then you think it would be better to be ‘resigned,’ and look after +one’s own soul?”</p> + +<p>“Heaven knows what would be better!” Algitha exclaimed. “But one thing +is certain, you ought to look after your body, for the present at any +rate.”</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_L" id="CHAPTER_L"></a>CHAPTER L.</h2> + + +<p class="cap">HADRIA had found the autumn saddening, and the winter tempt her to +morbid thoughts, but the coming of spring made her desperate. It would +not allow her to be passive, it would not permit her emotions to lie +prone and exhausted. Everything was waking, and she must wake too, to +the bitterest regret and the keenest longings of which she was capable.</p> + +<p>She had tried to avoid everything that would arouse these futile +emotions; she had attempted to organise her life on new lines, +persisting in her attitude of non-surrender, but winning, as far as she +was able, the rest that, at present, could only be achieved by means of +a sort of inward apathy. It was an instinctive effort of +self-preservation. She was like a fierce fire, over which ashes have +been heaped to keep down the flames, and check its ardour. She had to +eat her heart out in dullness, to avoid its flaming out in madness. But +the spring came and carried her away on its torrent. She might as well +have tried to resist an avalanche. She thought that she had given up all +serious thought of music; the surrender was necessary, and she had +judged it folly to tempt herself by further dallying with it. It was too +strong for her. And the despair that it awoke seemed to break up her +whole existence, and render her unfit for her daily task. But now she +found that, once more, she had underrated the strength of her own +impulses. For some time she resisted, but one day, the sun shone out +strong and genial, the budding trees spread their branches to the warm +air, a blackbird warbled ecstatically from among the Priory shrubberies, +and Hadria passed into the garden of the Griffins.</p> + +<p>The caretaker smiled, when she saw who stood on the doorstep.</p> + +<p>“Why ma’am, I thought you was never coming again to play on the piano; I +<em>have</em> missed it, that I have. It makes the old place seem that +cheerful—I can almost fancy it’s my poor young mistress come back +again. She used to sit and play on that piano, by the hour together.”</p> + +<p>“I am glad you have enjoyed it,” said Hadria gently. The blinds were +pulled up in the drawing-room, the piano was uncovered, the windows +thrown open to the terrace.</p> + +<p>“You haven’t had much time for playing since your mamma has been ill,” +the woman continued, dusting the keys and setting up the music-rest.</p> + +<p>“To-day my mother has a visitor; Mrs. Joseph Fleming is spending the +afternoon with her,” said Hadria.</p> + +<p>“To be sure, ma’am, to be sure, a nice young lady, and so cheerful,” +said the good woman, bustling off to wind up the tall old clock with the +wise-looking face, that had been allowed to run down since Hadria’s last +visit. “Seems more cheerful like,” observed the caretaker, as the steady +tick-tack began to sound through the quiet room.</p> + +<p>“And have you fed my birds regularly, Mrs. Williams?” asked Hadria, +taking off her hat and standing at the open window looking out to the +terrace.</p> + +<p>“Yes indeed, ma’am, every day, just as you used to do when you came +yourself. And they has got so tame; they almost eats out of my hand.”</p> + +<p>“And my robin? I hope he has not deserted us.”</p> + +<p>“Oh, no, he comes right into the room sometimes and hops about, just as +he did that afternoon, the last time you was here! I think it’s the same +bird, for he likes to perch on that table and pick up the crumbs.”</p> + +<p>“Poor little soul! If you will give me a scrap of bread, Mrs. +Williams——”</p> + +<p>The caretaker left the room, and returned with a thick slice, which +Hadria crumbled and scattered on the window-sill, as she stepped out to +the terrace.</p> + +<p>The calm old mansion with its delicate outlines, its dreamy exquisite +stateliness, spoke of rest and sweet serenity. The place had the +melancholy but also the repose of greatness. It was rich in all that +lies nearest to the heart of that mysterious, dual-faced divinity that +we call beauty, compounded of sorrow and delight.</p> + +<p>Ah! if only its owner could come and take up his abode here. If only he +would get well! Hadria’s thoughts wandered backwards to that wonderful +evening, when she had played to him and Algitha, and they had all +watched the sunset afterwards, from the terrace. How long was it since +she had touched the piano in this old drawing-room? Never since she +returned from Paris. Even her own piano at home had been almost equally +silent. She believed that she had not only quite abandoned hope with +regard to music, but that she had prepared herself to face the +inevitable decay of power, the inevitable proofs of her loss, as time +went on. But so far, she had only had proofs that she could do +astonishingly much if she had the chance.</p> + +<p>To-day, for the first time, the final ordeal had to be gone through. And +her imagination had never conceived its horror. She was to be taken at +her word. The neglected gift was beginning to show signs of decay and +enfeeblement. It had given fair warning for many a year, by the +persistent appeal that it made, the persistent pain that it caused; but +the famine had told upon it at last. It was dying. As this fact +insinuated itself into the consciousness, in the teeth of a wild effort +to deny it, despair flamed up, fierce and violent. She regretted that +she had not thrown up everything long ago, rather than endure this +lingering death; she cursed her hesitation, she cursed her fate, her +training, her circumstances, she cursed herself. Whatever there was to +curse, she cursed. What hideous nonsense to imagine herself ready to +face this last insult of fate! She was like a martyr, who invites the +stake and the faggot, and knows what he has undertaken only when the +flames begin to curl about his feet. She had offered up her power, her +imperious creative instinct, to the Lares and Penates; those greedy +little godlets whom there was no appeasing while an inch of one remained +that they could tear to pieces. She clenched her hands, in agony. The +whole being recoiled now, at the eleventh hour, as a fierce wild +creature that one tries to bury alive. She looked back along the line of +the past and saw, with too clear eyes, the whole insidious process, so +stealthy that she had hardly detected it, at the time. She remembered +those afternoons at the Priory, when the restless, ill-trained power +would assert itself, free for the moment, from the fetters and the +dismemberment that awaited it in ordinary life. But like a creature +accustomed to the yoke, she had found it increasingly difficult to use +the moments of opportunity when they came. The force of daily usage, the +necessary bending of thoughts in certain habitual directions, had +assisted the crippling process, and though the power still lay there, +stiffer than of yore, yet the preliminary movements and readjustments +used up time and strength, and then gradually, with the perpetual +repetition of adverse habits, the whole process became slower, harder, +crueler.</p> + +<p>“Good heavens! are <em>all</em> doors going to be shut against me?”</p> + +<p>It was more than she could bear! And yet it must be borne—unless—no, +there was no “unless.” It was of no use to coquet with thoughts of +suicide. She had thought all that out long ago, and had sought, at more +than one crisis of desperate misery, for refuge from the horror and the +insults of life. But there were always others to be considered. She +could not strike them so terrible a blow. Retreat was ruthlessly cut +off. Nothing remained but the endurance of a conscious slow decay; +nothing but increasing loss and feebleness, as the surly years went by. +They were going, going, these years of life, slipping away with their +spoils. Youth was departing, everything was vanishing; her very self, +bit by bit, slowly but surely, till the House of Life would grow narrow +and shrunken to the sight, the roof descend. The gruesome old story of +the imprisoned prince flashed into her mind; the wretched captive, young +and life-loving, who used to wake up, each morning, to find that of the +original seven windows of his dungeon, one had disappeared, while the +walls had advanced a foot, and to-morrow yet another foot, till at +length the last window had closed up, and the walls shrank together and +crushed him to death.</p> + +<p>“I can’t, I <em>can’t</em> endure it!”</p> + +<p>Hadria had leaned forward against the key-board, which gave forth a loud +crash of discordant notes, strangely expressive of the fall and failure +of her spirit.</p> + +<p>She remained thus motionless, while the airs wandered in from the +garden, and a broad ray of sunlight showed the strange incessant +gyrations of the dust atoms, that happened to lie within the revealing +brightness. The silence was perfect.</p> + +<p>Hadria raised her head at last, and her eyes wandered out to the sweet +old garden, decked in the miraculous hues of spring. The unutterable +loveliness brought, for a second, a strange, inconsequent sense of +peace; it seemed like a promise and a message from an unknown god.</p> + +<p>But after that momentary and inexplicable experience, the babble of +thought went on as before. The old dream mounted again heavenwards, like +a cloud at sunset; wild fancies fashioned themselves in the brain. And +then, in fantastic images, Hadria seemed to see a panorama of her own +life and the general life pass before her, in all their incongruity and +confusion. The great mass of that life showed itself as prose, because +the significance of things had not been grasped or suspected; but here +and there, the veil was pierced—by some suffering soul, by some poet’s +vision—and the darkness of our daily, pompous, careworn, ridiculous +little existence made painfully visible.</p> + +<p>“It is all absurd, all futile!” (so moved the procession of the +thoughts); “and meanwhile the steady pulse of life beats on, not +pausing while we battle out our days, not waiting while we decide how we +shall live. We are possessed by a sentiment, an ideal, a religion; old +Time makes no comment, but moves quietly on; we fling the thing aside as +tawdry, insufficient; the ideal is tarnished, experience of the world +converts us—and still unmoved, he paces on. We are off on another +chase; another conception of things possesses us; and still the beat of +his footstep sounds in our ears, above the tumult. We think and aspire +and dream, and meanwhile the fires grow cold upon the hearth, the daily +cares and common needs plead eloquently for our undivided service; the +stupendous movement of Existence goes on unceasingly, at our doors; +thousands struggling for gold and fame and mere bread, and resorting to +infamous devices to obtain them; the great commercial currents flow and +flow, according to their mystic laws; the price of stocks goes up, goes +down, and with them, the life and fate of thousands; the inconsequent +bells ring out from Craddock Church, and the people congregate; the +grave of the schoolmistress sleeps in the sunshine, and the sound of the +bells streams over it—meaning no irony—to lose itself in the quiet of +the hills; rust and dust collect in one’s house, in one’s soul; and this +and that, and that and this,—like the pendulum of the old time-piece, +with its solemn tick—dock the moments of one’s life, with each its dull +little claim and its tough little tether, and lead one decorously to the +gateway of Eternity.”</p> + +<p>There was a flutter of wings, in the room. A robin hopped in at the +window and perched daintily on the table-ledge, its delicate claws +outlined against the whiteness of the dust-sheet, its head inquisitively +on one side, as if it were asking the reason of the musician’s unusual +silence. Suddenly, the little creature fluffed out its feathers, drew +itself together, and warbled forth a rich ecstatic song, that seemed to +be deliberately addressed to its human companion. Hadria raised her +bowed head. Up welled the swift unaccustomed tears, while the robin, +with increasing enthusiasm, continued his song. His theme, doubtless, +was of the flicker of sunlit shrubberies, the warmth of summer, the +glory of spring, the sweetness of the revolving seasons. For cure of +heart-ache, he suggested the pleasantness of garden nooks, and the +repose that lingers about a dew-sprinkled lawn. All these things were +warmly commended to the human being whose song of life had ceased.</p> + +<p>“But they break my heart, little singer, they break my heart!”</p> + +<p>The robin lifted up its head and warbled more rapturously than ever.</p> + +<p>The tears were falling fast now, and silently. The thoughts ran on and +on. “I know it all, I know it all, and my heart is broken—and it is my +own fault—and it does not matter—the world is full of broken +hearts—and it does not matter, it does not matter. But, oh, if the pain +might stop, if the pain might stop! The robin sings now, because the +spring is here; but it is not always spring. And some day—perhaps not +this winter, but some day—the dear little brown body will agonize—it +will die alone, in the horrible great universe; one thinks little of a +robin, but it agonizes all the same when its time comes; it agonizes all +the same.”</p> + +<p>The thoughts were drowned, for a moment, in a flood of terrible, +unbearable pity for all the sorrow of the world.</p> + +<p>The robin seemed to think that he had a mission to cheer his companion, +for he warbled merrily on. And beside him, the dust-motes danced the +wildest of dances, in the shaft of sunshine.</p> + +<p>“It is very lovely, it is very lovely—the world is a miracle, but it is +all like a taunt, it is like an insult, this glory of the world. I am +born a woman, and to be born a woman is to be exquisitely sensitive to +insult and to live under it always, always. I wish that I were as marble +to the magic of Life, I wish that I cared for nothing and felt nothing. +I pray only that the dream and the longing may be killed, and killed +quickly!”</p> + +<p>In the silence, the bird’s note sounded clear and tender. The dance of +the dust-motes, like the great dance of Life itself, went on without +ceasing.</p> + +<p>The robin seemed to insist on a brighter view of things. He urged his +companion to take comfort. Had the spring not come?</p> + +<p>“But you do not understand, you do not understand, little soul that +sings—the spring is torturing me and taunting me. If only it would kill +me!”</p> + +<p>The robin fluffed out his feathers, and began again to impart his sweet +philosophy. Hadria was shedding the first unchecked tears that she had +shed since her earliest childhood. And then, for the second time to-day, +that strange unexplained peace stole into her heart. Reason came quickly +and drove it away with a sneer, and the horror and the darkness closed +round again.</p> + +<p>“If I might only die, if I might only die!”</p> + +<p>But the little bird sang on.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_LI" id="CHAPTER_LI"></a>CHAPTER LI.</h2> + + +<p><span class="dropcap">“Q</span>UITE hopeless!”</p> + +<p>Joseph Fleming repeated the words incredulously.</p> + +<p>“Yes,” said Lady Engleton, “it is the terrible truth.”</p> + +<p>The Professor had been growing worse, and at length, his state became so +alarming that he decided to return to England. Miss Du Prel and an old +friend whom she had met abroad, accompanied him.</p> + +<p>“I understand they are all at the Priory,” said Joseph.</p> + +<p>“Yes; Miss Du Prel telegraphed to Mrs. Temperley, and Mrs. Temperley and +I put our heads together and arranged matters as well as we could in the +emergency, so that the Professor’s wish might be gratified. He desired +to return to the Priory, where his boyhood was spent.”</p> + +<p>“And is there really no hope?”</p> + +<p>“None at all, the doctor says.”</p> + +<p>“Dear me, dear me!” cried Joseph. “And is he not expected to live +through the summer?”</p> + +<p>“The summer! ah no, Mr. Fleming, he is not expected to live many days.”</p> + +<p>“Dear me, dear me!” was all that Joseph could say. Then after a pause, +he added, “I fear Mrs. Temperley will feel it very much. They were such +old friends.”</p> + +<p>“Oh! poor woman, she is heart-broken.”</p> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<p>The Professor lingered longer than the doctor had expected. He was very +weak, and could not bear the fatigue of seeing many people. But he was +perfectly cheerful, and when feeling a little better at times, he would +laugh and joke in his old kindly way, and seemed to enjoy the fragment +of life that still remained to him.</p> + +<p>“I am so glad I have seen the spring again,” he said, “and that I am +here, in the old home.”</p> + +<p>He liked to have the window thrown wide open, when the day was warm. +Then his bed would be wheeled closer to it, so that the sunshine often +lay across it, and the scent of the flowering shrubs and the odour of +growth, as he called it, floated in upon him. He looked out into a world +of exquisite greenery and of serene sky. The room was above the +drawing-room, and if the drawing-room windows were open, he could hear +Hadria playing. He often used to ask for music.</p> + +<p>The request would come generally after an exhausting turn of pain, when +he could not bear the fatigue of seeing people.</p> + +<p>“I can’t tell you what pleasure and comfort your music is to me,” he +used to say, again and again. “It has been so ever since I knew you. +When I think of the thousands of poor devils who have to end their lives +in some wretched, lonely, sordid fashion, after hardships and struggles +and very little hope, I can’t help feeling that I am fortunate indeed, +now and all through my life. I have grumbled at times, and there have +been sharp experiences—few escape those—but take it all round, I have +had my share of good things.”</p> + +<p>He had one great satisfaction: that he had discovered, before the end of +his days, the means which he had so long been seeking, of saving the +death-agony of animals that are killed for food. Some day perhaps, he +said, men might cease to be numbered among the beasts of prey, but till +then, at least their victims might be spared as much pain as possible. +He had overcome the difficulty of expense, which had always been the +main obstacle to a practical solution of the problem. Henceforth there +was no need for any creature to suffer, in dying for man’s use. If +people only knew and realized how much needless agony is inflicted on +these helpless creatures, in order to supply the daily demands of a vast +flesh-eating population, they would feel that, as a matter of fact, he +had been doing the human race a good turn as well as their more +friendless fellow-beings. It was impossible to imagine that men and +women would not suffer at the thought of causing suffering to the +helpless, if once they realized that suffering clearly. Men and women +were not devils! Theobald had always laughed at him for this part of his +work, but he felt now, at the close of his life, that he could dwell +upon that effort with more pleasure than on any other, although others +had won him far more applause, and this had often brought him contempt. +If only he could be sure that the discovery would not be wasted.</p> + +<p>“It shall be our business to see that it is not,” said Valeria, in a +voice tremulous with unshed tears.</p> + +<p>The Professor heaved a sigh of relief, at this assurance.</p> + +<p>“My earlier work is safe; what I have done in other directions, is +already a part of human knowledge and resource, but this is just the +sort of thing that might be so easily lost and forgotten. These +sufferings are hidden, and when people do not see a wrong, they do not +think of it; make them think, make them think!”</p> + +<p>A week had gone by since the Professor’s arrival at the Priory. He was +in great pain, but had intervals of respite. He liked, in those +intervals, to see his friends. They could scarcely believe that he was +dying, for he still seemed so full of interest in the affairs of life, +and spoke of the future as if he would be there to see it. One of the +most distressing interviews was with Mr. Fullerton, who could not be +persuaded that the invalid had but a short time to live. The old man +believed that death meant, beyond all question, annihilation of the +personality, and had absolutely no hope of meeting again.</p> + +<p>“Don’t be too sure, old friend,” said the Professor; “don’t be too sure +of anything, in this mysterious universe.”</p> + +<p>The weather kept warm and genial, and this was favourable to his +lingering among them a little longer. But his suffering, at times, was +so great that they could scarcely wish for this delay. Hadria used +always to play to him during some part of the afternoon. The robin had +become a constant visitor, and had found its way to the window of the +sick-room, where crumbs had been scattered on the sill. The Professor +took great pleasure in watching the little creature. Sometimes it would +come into the room and hop on to a chair or table, coquetting from perch +to perch, and looking at the invalid, with bright inquisitive eyes. The +crumbs were put out at a certain hour each morning, and the bird had +acquired the habit of arriving almost to the moment. If, by chance, the +crumbs had been forgotten, the robin would flutter ostentatiously before +the window, to remind his friends of their neglected duty.</p> + +<p>During the last few days, Hadria had fancied that the Professor had +divined Valeria’s secret, or that she had betrayed it.</p> + +<p>There was a peculiar, reverent tenderness in his manner towards her, +that was even more marked than usual.</p> + +<p>“Can’t we save him? can’t we save him, Hadria?” she used to cry +piteously, when they were alone. “Surely, surely there is some hope. +Science makes such professions; why doesn’t it do something?”</p> + +<p>“Ah, don’t torture yourself with false hope, dear Valeria.”</p> + +<p>“The world is monstrous, life is unbearable,” exclaimed Valeria, with a +despairing break in her voice.</p> + +<p>But one afternoon, she came out of the sick-room with a less distraught +expression on her worn face, though her eyes shewed traces of tears.</p> + +<p>The dying man used to speak often about his wife to Hadria. This had +been her room, and he almost fancied her presence about him.</p> + +<p>“Do you know,” he said, “I have found, of late, that many of my old +fixed ideas have been insidiously modifying. So many things that I used +to regard as preposterous have been borne in upon me, in a singular +fashion, as by no means so out of the question. I have had one or two +strange experiences and now a hope—I might say a faith—has settled +upon me of an undying element in our personality. I feel that we shall +meet again those we have loved here—some time or another.”</p> + +<p>“What a sting that would take from the agony of parting,” cried Hadria.</p> + +<p>“And, after all, is it less rational to suppose that there is some +survival of the Self, and that the wild, confused earthly experience is +an element of a spiritual evolutionary process, than to suppose that the +whole universe is chaotic and meaningless? For what we call mind exists, +and it must be contained in the sum-total of existence, or how could it +arise out of it? Therefore, some reasonable scheme appears more likely +than a reasonless one. And then there is that other big fact that stares +us in the face and puts one’s fears to shame: human goodness.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s rebellious memory recalled the fact of human cruelty and +wickedness to set against the goodness, but she was silent.</p> + +<p>“What earthly business has such a thing as goodness or pity to appear in +a fortuitous, mindless, soulless universe? Where does it come from? What +is its origin? Whence sprang the laws that gave it birth?”</p> + +<p>“It gives more argument to faith than any thing I know,” she said, “even +if there had been but one good man or woman since the world began.”</p> + +<p>“Ah, yes; the pity and tenderness that lie in the heart of man, even of +the worst, if only they can be appealed to before they die, may teach us +to hope all things.”</p> + +<p>There was a long silence. Through the open window, they could hear the +soft cooing of the wood-pigeons. Among the big trees behind the house, +there was a populous rookery, noisy now with the squeaky voices of the +young birds, and the deeper cawing of the parent rooks.</p> + +<p>“I have been for many years without one gleam of hope,” said the +Professor slowly. “It is only lately that some of my obstinate +preconceptions have begun to yield to other suggestions and other +thoughts, which have opened up a thousand possibilities and a thousand +hopes. And I have not been false to my reason in this change; I have but +followed it more fearlessly and more faithfully.”</p> + +<p>“I have sometimes thought,” said Hadria, “that when we seem to cling +most desperately to our reason, we are really refusing to accept its +guidance into unfamiliar regions. We confuse the familiar with the +reasonable.”</p> + +<p>“Exactly. And I want you to be on your guard against that intellectual +foible, which I believe has held me back in a region of sadness and +solitude that I need not have lingered in, but for that.”</p> + +<p>There was a great commotion in the rookery, and presently a flock of +rooks swept across the window, in loud controversy, and away over the +garden in a circle, and then up and up till they were a grey little +patch of changing shape, in the blue of the sky.</p> + +<p>The dying man followed them with his eyes. He had watched such streaming +companies start forth from the old rookery, ever since his boyhood. The +memories of that time, and of the importunate thoughts that had haunted +him then, at the opening of life, returned to him now.</p> + +<p>He had accomplished a fraction of what he had set out to attempt, with +such high hopes. His dream of personal happiness had failed; many an +illusion had been lost, many a bitterly-regretted deed had saddened him, +many an error had revenged itself upon him. He drew a deep sigh.</p> + +<p>“And if the scheme of the universe be a reasonable one,” he said half +dreamily, “then one can account better for the lives that never fulfil +themselves; the apparent failure that saddens one, in such numberless +instances, especially among women. For in that case, the failure is only +apparent, however cruel and however great. If the effort has been +sincere, and the thought bent upon the best that could be conceived by +the particular soul, then that effort and that thought must play their +part in the upward movement of the race. I cannot believe otherwise.”</p> + +<p>Hadria’s head was bent. Her lips moved, as if in an effort to speak, but +no sound came.</p> + +<p>“To believe that all the better and more generous hopes of our kind are +to be lost and ineffectual, that genius is finally wasted, and goodness +an exotic to be trampled under foot in the blind movements of +Nature—that requires more power of faith than I can muster. Once +believe that thought is the main factor, the motive force of the +universe, then everything settles into its place, and we have room for +hope; indeed it insists upon admission; it falls into the shadow of our +life like that blessed ray of sunlight.”</p> + +<p>It lay across the bed, in a bright streak.</p> + +<p>“The hope leads me far. My training has been all against it, but it +comes to me with greater and greater force. It makes me feel that +presently, when we have bid one another farewell, it will not be for +ever. We shall meet again, dear Hadria, believe me.” She was struggling +with her tears, and could answer nothing.</p> + +<p>“I wish so much that I could leave this hope, as a legacy to you. I wish +I could leave it to Valeria. Take care of her, won’t you? She is very +solitary and very sad.”</p> + +<p>“I will, I will,” Hadria murmured.</p> + +<p>“Do not turn away from the light of rational hope, if any path should +open up that leads that way. And help her to do the same. When you think +of me, let it be happily and with comfort.”</p> + +<p>Hadria was silently weeping.</p> + +<p>“And hold fast to your own colours. Don’t take sides, above all, with +the powers that have oppressed you. They are terrible powers, and yet +people won’t admit their strength, and so they are left unopposed. It is +worse than folly to underrate the forces of the enemy. It is always +worse than folly to deny facts in order to support a theory. Exhort +people to face and conquer them. You can help more than you dream, even +as things stand. I cannot tell you what you have done for me, dear +Hadria.” (He held out his hand to her.) “And the helpless, human and +animal—how they wring one’s heart! Do not forget them; be to them a +knight-errant. You have suffered enough yourself, to know well how to +bind their wounds.” The speaker paused, for a moment, to battle with a +paroxysm of pain.</p> + +<p>“There is so much anguish,” he said presently, “so much intolerable +anguish, even when things seem smoothest. The human spirit craves for so +much, and generally it gets so little. The world is full of tragedy; and +sympathy, a little common sympathy, can do so much to soften the worst +of grief. It is for the lack of that, that people despair and go down. I +commend them to you.”</p> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<p>The figure lay motionless, as if asleep. The expression was one of utter +peace. It seemed as if all the love and tenderness, all the breadth and +beauty of the soul that had passed away, were shining out of the quieted +face, from which all trace of suffering had vanished. The look of +desolation that used, at times, to come into it, had entirely gone.</p> + +<p>Hadria and Valeria stood together, by the bedside. At the foot of the +bed was a glass vase, holding a spray of wild cherry blossom; Hadria had +brought it, to the invalid’s delight, the day before. There were other +offerings of fresh flowers; a mass of azaleas from Lady Engleton; +bunches of daffodils that Valeria had gathered in the meadows; and old +Dodge had sent a handful of brown and yellow wallflower, from his +garden. The blind had been raised a few inches, so as to let in the +sunlight and the sweet air. It was a glorious morning. The few last hot +days had brought everything out, with a rush. The boughs of the trees, +that the Professor had loved so to watch during his illness, were +swaying gently in the breeze, just as they had done when his eyes had +been open to see them. The wood-pigeons were cooing, the young rooks +cawing shrilly in the rookery. Valeria seemed to be stunned. She stood +gazing at the peaceful face, with a look of stony grief.</p> + +<p>“I <em>can’t</em> understand it!” she exclaimed at last, with a wild gesture, +“I <em>can’t</em> believe he will never speak to me again! It’s a horrible +dream—oh, but too horrible—ah, why can’t I die as well as he?” She +threw herself on her knees, shaken with sobs, silent and passionate. +Hadria did not attempt to remonstrate or soothe her. She turned away, as +a flood of bitter grief swept over her, so that she felt as one +drowning.</p> + +<p>Some minutes passed before Valeria rose from her knees, looking haggard +and desolate. Hadria went towards her hastily.</p> + +<p>“What’s that?” cried Valeria with a nervous start and a scared glance +towards the window.</p> + +<p>“The robin!” said Hadria, and the tears started to her eyes.</p> + +<p>The bird had hopped in at his usual hour, in a friendly fashion. He +picked up a few stray crumbs that had been left on the sill from +yesterday, and then, in little capricious flights from stage to stage, +finally arrived at the rail of the bed, and stood looking from side to +side, with black, bright eyes, at the motionless figure. Hitherto it had +been accustomed to a welcome. Why this strange silence? The robin hopped +round on the rail, polished his beak meditatively, fluffed out his +feathers, and then, raising his head, sang a tender requiem.</p> + + +<p class="figcenter">THE END.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 95%;" /> +<h2><a name="APPENDIX" id="APPENDIX"></a>APPENDIX</h2> + +<p class="figcenter">“Does Marriage Hinder a Woman’s Self-development?”</p> + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> + +<p><em>In 1899,</em> The Ladies’ Realm <em>asked several well-known women to write on +the set topic, “Does Marriage Hinder a Woman’s Self-development?” We +reprint Mona Caird’s ingenious response.</em></p> + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> + +<p class="cap">PERHAPS it might throw some light on the question whether marriage +interferes with a woman’s self-development and career, if we were to ask +ourselves honestly how a man would fare in the position, say, of his own +wife.</p> + +<p>We will take a mild case, so as to avoid all risk of exaggeration.</p> + +<p>Our hero’s wife is very kind to him. Many of his friends have far sadder +tales to tell. Mrs. Brown is fond of her home and family. She pats the +children on the head when they come down to dessert, and plies them with +chocolate creams, much to the detriment of their health; but it amuses +Mrs. Brown. Mr. Brown superintends the bilious attacks, which the lady +attributes to other causes. As she never finds fault with the children, +and generally remonstrates with their father, in a good-natured way, +when <em>he</em> does so, they are devoted to the indulgent parent, and are +inclined to regard the other as second-rate.</p> + +<p>Meal-times are often trying in this household, for Sophia is very +particular about her food; sometimes she sends it out with a rude +message to the cook. Not that John objects to this. He wishes she would +do it oftener, for the cook gets used to Mr. Brown’s second-hand +version of his wife’s language. He simply cannot bring himself to hint +at Mrs. Brown’s robust objurgations. She <em>can</em> express herself when it +comes to a question of her creature comforts!</p> + +<p>John’s faded cheeks, the hollow lines under the eyes, and hair out of +curl, speak of the struggle for existence as it penetrates to the +fireside. If Sophia but knew what it meant to keep going the +multitudinous details and departments of a household! Her idea of adding +housemaids and pageboys whenever there is a jolt in the machinery has +landed them in expensive disasters, time out of mind. And then, it +hopelessly cuts off all margin of income for every other purpose. It is +all rather discouraging for the hero of this petty, yet gigantic tussle, +for he works, so to speak, in a hostile camp, with no sympathy from his +entirely unconscious spouse, whom popular sentiment nevertheless regards +as the gallant protector of his manly weakness.</p> + +<p>If incessant vigilance, tact, firmness, foresight, initiative, courage +and judgment—in short, all the qualities required for governing a +kingdom, and more—have made things go smoothly, the wife takes it as a +matter of course; if they go wrong, she naturally lays the blame on the +husband. In the same way, if the children are a credit to their parents, +that is only as it should be. But if they are naughty, and fretful, and +stupid, and untidy, is it not clear that there must be some serious flaw +in the system which could produce such results in the offspring of Mrs. +Brown? What word in the English language is too severe to describe the +man who neglects to watch with sufficient vigilance over his children’s +health and moral training, who fails to see that his little boys’ +sailor-suits and knickerbockers are in good repair, that their boot-lace +ends do not fly out from their ankles at every step, that their hair is +not like a hearth-brush, that they do not come down to dinner every day +with dirty hands?</p> + +<p>To every true man, the cares of fatherhood and home are sacred and +all-sufficing. He realises, as he looks around at his little ones, that +they are his crown and recompense.</p> + +<p>John often finds that <em>his</em> crown-and-recompense gives him a racking +headache by war-whoops and stampedes of infinite variety, and there are +moments when he wonders in dismay if he is really a true man! He has had +the privilege of rearing and training five small crowns and recompenses, +and he feels that he could face the future if further privilege, of this +sort, were denied him. Not but that he is devoted to his family. Nobody +who understands the sacrifices he has made for them could doubt that. +Only, he feels that those parts of his nature which are said to +distinguish the human from the animal kingdom, are getting rather +effaced.</p> + +<p>He remembers the days before his marriage, when he was so bold, in his +ignorant youth, as to cherish a passion for scientific research. He even +went so far as to make a chemical laboratory of the family box-room, +till attention was drawn to the circumstance by a series of terrific +explosions, which shaved off his eyebrows, blackened his scientific +countenance, and caused him to be turned out, neck and crop, with his +crucibles, and a sermon on the duty that lay nearest him,—which +resolved itself into that of paying innumerable afternoon calls with his +father and brothers, on acquaintances selected—as he declared in his +haste—for their phenomenal stupidity. His father pointed out how +selfish it was for a young fellow to indulge his own little fads and +fancies, when he might make himself useful in a nice manly way, at home.</p> + +<p>When, a year later, the scapegrace Josephine, who had caused infinite +trouble and expense to all belonging to her, showed a languid interest +in chemistry, a spare room was at once fitted up for her, and an +extraordinary wealth of crucibles provided by her delighted parents; and +when explosions and smells pervaded the house, her father, with a proud +smile, would exclaim: “What genius and enthusiasm that dear girl does +display!” Josephine afterwards became a distinguished professor, with an +awestruck family, and a husband who made it his chief duty and privilege +to save her from all worry and interruption in her valuable work.</p> + +<p>John, who knows in his heart of hearts that he could have walked round +Josephine, in the old days, now speaks with manly pride of his sister, +the Professor. His own bent, however, has always been so painfully +strong that he even yet tries to snatch spare moments for his +researches; but the strain in so many directions has broken down his +health. People always told him that a man’s constitution was not fitted +for severe brain-work. He supposes it is true.</p> + +<p>During those odd moments, he made a discovery that seemed to him of +value, and he told Sophia about it, in a mood of scientific enthusiasm. +But she burst out laughing, and said he would really be setting the +Thames on fire if he didn’t take care.</p> + +<p>“Perhaps you will excuse my remarking, my dear, that I think you might +be more usefully, not to say becomingly employed, in attending to your +children and your household duties, than in dealing with explosive +substances in the back dining-room.”</p> + +<p>And Sophia tossed off her glass of port in such an unanswerable manner, +that John felt as if a defensive reply would be almost of the nature of +a sacrilege. So he remained silent, feeling vaguely guilty. And as +Johnny took measles just then, and it ran through the house, there was +no chance of completing his work, or of making it of public value.</p> + +<p>Curiously enough, a little later, Josephine made the very same +discovery—only rather less perfect—and every one said, with +acclamation, that science had been revolutionised by a discovery before +which that of gravitation paled.</p> + +<p>John still hoped, after twenty years of experience, that presently, by +some different arrangement, some better management on his part, he would +achieve leisure and mental repose to do the work that his heart was in; +but that time never came.</p> + +<p>No doubt John was not infallible, and made mistakes in dealing with his +various problems: do the best of us achieve consummate wisdom? No doubt, +if he had followed the advice that we could all have supplied him with, +in such large quantities, he might have done rather more than he did. +But the question is: Did his marriage interfere with his +self-development and career, and would many other Johns, in his +circumstances, have succeeded much better?</p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Daughters of Danaus, by Mona Caird + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DAUGHTERS OF DANAUS *** + +***** This file should be named 21858-h.htm or 21858-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/1/8/5/21858/ + +Produced by Anne Storer, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Daughters of Danaus + +Author: Mona Caird + +Release Date: June 18, 2007 [EBook #21858] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DAUGHTERS OF DANAUS *** + + + + +Produced by Anne Storer, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + +[Transcriber's Note: This e-book was produced from a reprint of the +edition first published in 1894 in London by Bliss, Sands, and Foster. +Inconsistent spellings and hyphenations have been standardized. There +is one instance each of Cruachmore and Croachmore, so they have been +left as printed.] + + + + +_The Daughters of Danaus_ + +_Mona Caird_ + +1894 + + + * * * * * + +CONTENTS + + +_The Daughters of Danaus_ 1 + +Appendix: "Does Marriage Hinder a Woman's Self-development?" +by Mona Caird 535 + + * * * * * + + + + +THE DAUGHTERS OF DANAUS + +CHAPTER I. + + +It was only just light enough to discern the five human forms in the +dimness of the garret; the rays of the moon having to find their way +through the deep window-embrasures of the keep. Less illumination would +have sufficed to disclose the ancient character of the garret, with its +low ceiling, and the graduated mouldings of the cornice, giving the +effect of a shallow dome. The house stood obviously very high, for one +could see from the windows for miles over a bleak country, coldly lit by +the rays of the moon, which was almost at the full. Into the half light +stole presently the sound of some lively instrument: a reel tune played, +as it were, beneath one's breath, but with all the revel and rollicking +emphasis of that intoxicating primitive music. And then in correspondingly +low relief, but with no less emphasis, the occupants of this singular +ball-room began to dance. One might have fancied them some midnight +company of the dead, risen from their graves for this secret revelry, +so strange was the appearance of the moving figures, with the moonlight +catching, as they passed, the faces or the hands. They danced excellently +well, as to the manner born, tripping in and out among the shadows, with +occasional stamping, in time to the music, and now and again that wild +Celtic shout or cry that sets the nerves athrill. In spite of the whole +scene's being enacted in a low key, it seemed only to gain in intensity +from that circumstance, and in fantastic effect. + +Among the dancers was one who danced with peculiar spirit and brilliancy, +and her little cry had a ring and a wildness that never failed to set the +others going with new inspiration. + +She was a slight, dark-haired girl, with a pale, rather mysterious face, +and large eyes. Not a word was spoken, and the reel went on for nearly +ten minutes. At length the girl with the dark hair gave a final shout, +and broke away from the circle. + +With her desertion the dance flagged, and presently came to an end. The +first breaking of the silence gave a slight shock, in spite of the +subdued tones of the speaker. + +"It is no use trying to dance a reel without Hadria," said a tall youth, +evidently her brother, if one might judge from his almost southern +colouring and melancholy eyes. In build and feature he resembled the +elder sister, Algitha, who had all the characteristics of a fine +northern race. + +"Old Maggie said the other day, that Hadria's dancing of the reel was no +'right canny,'" Algitha observed, in the same low tone that all the +occupants of the garret instinctively adopted. + +"Ah!" cried Fred, "old Maggie has always looked upon Hadria as half +bewitched since that night when she found her here 'a wee bit bairn,' as +she says, at this very window, in her nightshirt, standing on tiptoe to +see the moonlight." + +"It frightened the poor old thing out of her wits, of course," said +Algitha, who was leaning with crossed arms, in a corner of the deep-set +window. The fine outlines of face and form were shewn in the strange +light, as in a boldly-executed sketch, without detail. Pride and +determination were the dominant qualities so indicated. Her sister +stood opposite, the moonshine making the smooth pallor of her face +more striking, and emphasizing its mysterious quality. + +The whole group of young faces, crowded together by the window, and lit +up by the unsympathetic light, had something characteristic and unusual +in its aspect, that might have excited curiosity. + +"Tell us the story of the garret, Hadria," said Austin, the youngest +brother, a handsome boy of twelve, with curling brown hair and blue +eyes. + +"Hadria has told it hundreds of times, and you know it as well as she +does." + +"But I want to hear it again--about the attack upon the keep, and the +shouting of the men, while the lady was up here starving to death." + +But Algitha shook her head. + +"We don't come up here to tell stories, we must get to business." + +"Will you have the candle, or can you see?" asked Fred, the second +brother, a couple of years younger than Hadria, whom he addressed. His +features were irregular; his short nose and twinkling grey eyes +suggesting a joyous and whimsical temperament. + +"I think I had better have the candle; my notes are very illegible." + +Fred drew forth a candle-end from his pocket, stuck it into a +quaint-looking stand of antique steel, much eaten with rust, and set the +candle-end alight. + +Algitha went into the next room and brought in a couple of chairs. Fred +followed her example till there were enough for the party. They all took +their places, and Hadria, who had been provided with a seat facing them, +and with a rickety wooden table that trembled responsively to her +slightest movement, laid down her notes and surveyed her audience. The +faces stood out strangely, in the lights and shadows of the garret. + +"Ladies and gentlemen," she began; "on the last occasion on which the +Preposterous Society held its meeting, we had the pleasure of listening +to an able lecture on 'Character' by our respected member Demogorgon" +(the speaker bowed to Ernest, and the audience applauded). "My address +to-night on 'Fate' is designed to contribute further ideas to this +fascinating subject, and to pursue the enquiry more curiously." + +The audience murmured approval. + +"We were left at loggerheads, at the end of the last debate. I doubted +Demogorgon's conclusion, while admiring his eloquence. To-night, I will +put before you the view exactly contrary to his. I do not assert that I +hold this contrary view, but I state it as well as I am able, because I +think that it has not been given due consideration." + +"This will be warm," Fred was heard to murmur with a chuckle, to an +adjacent sister. The speaker looked at her notes. + +"I will read," she said, "a passage from Emerson, which states very +strikingly the doctrine that I am going to oppose." + +Hadria held her paper aslant towards the candle-end, which threw a murky +yellow light upon the background of the garret, contrasting oddly with +the thin, clear moonbeams. + +"'But the soul contains the event that shall befall it, for the event is +only the actualization of its thoughts; and what we pray to ourselves +for is always granted. The event is the print of your form. It fits you +like your skin. What each does is proper to him. Events are the children +of his mind and body.'" + +Algitha leant forward. The members of the Preposterous Society settled +into attitudes of attention. + +Hadria said that this was a question that could not fail to be of +peculiar interest to them all, who had their lives before them, to make +or mar. It was an extremely difficult question, for it admitted of no +experiment. One could never go back in life and try another plan. One +could never make sure, by such a test, how much circumstance and how +much innate ideas had to do with one's disposition. Emerson insisted +that man makes his circumstance, and history seemed to support that +theory. How untoward had been, in appearance, the surroundings of those +who had made all the great movements and done all the great deeds of the +world. Let one consider the poverty, persecution, the incessant +discouragement, and often the tragic end of our greatest benefactors. +Christ was but one of the host of the crucified. In spite of the theory +which the lecturer had undertaken to champion, she believed that it was +generally those people who had difficult lives who did the beneficent +deeds, and generally those people who were encouraged and comfortable +who went to sleep, or actively dragged down what the thinkers and actors +had piled up. In great things and in small, such was the order of life. + +"Hear, hear," cried Ernest, "my particular thunder!" + +"Wait a minute," said the lecturer. "I am going to annihilate you with +your particular thunder." She paused for a moment, and her eyes rested +on the strange white landscape beyond the little group of faces upturned +towards her. + +"Roughly, we may say that people are divided into two orders: first, the +organizers, the able, those who build, who create cohesion, symmetry, +reason, economy; and, secondly, the destroyers, those who come wandering +idly by, and unfasten, undo, relax, disintegrate all that has been +effected by the force and vigilance of their betters. This distinction +is carried into even the most trivial things of life. Yet without that +organization and coherence, the existence of the destroyers themselves +would become a chaos and a misery." + +The oak table over which Hadria bent forward towards her audience, +appeared to be applauding this sentiment vigorously. It rocked to and +fro on the uneven floor with great clamour. + +"Thus," the speaker went on, "these relaxed and derivative people are +living on the strength of the strong. He who is strong must carry with +him, as a perpetual burden, a mass of such pensioners, who are scared +and shocked at his rude individuality; and if he should trip or stumble, +if he should lose his way in the untrodden paths, in seeking new truth +and a broader foundation for the lives of men, then a chorus of censure +goes up from millions of little throats." + +"Hear, hear!" cried Algitha and Fred, and the table rocked +enthusiastically. + +"But when the good things are gained for which the upholders have +striven and perhaps given their lives, then there are no more greedy +absorbers of the bounty than these same innumerable little throats." + +The table led the chorus of assent. + +"And now," said the lecturer slowly, "consider this in relation to the +point at issue. Emerson asserts that circumstance can always be conquered. +But is not circumstance, to a large extent, created by these destroyers, +as I have called them? Has not the strongest soul to count with these, +who weave the web of adverse conditions, whose dead weight has to be +carried, whose work of destruction has to be incessantly repaired? Who +can dare to say 'I am master of my fate,' when he does not know how large +may be the share of the general burden that will fall to him to drag +through life, how great may be the number of these parasites who are +living on the moral capital of their generation? Surely circumstance +consists largely in the inertia, the impenetrability of the destroyers." + +Ernest shewed signs of restiveness. He shuffled on his chair, made +muttered exclamations. + +"Presently," said the lecturer reassuringly. + +"Or put it in another way," she went on. "A man may make a +thing--circumstance included--but he is not a sort of moral spider; he +can't spin it out of his own inside. _He wants something to make it of._ +The formative force comes from within, but he must have material, just +as much as a sculptor must have his marble before he can shape his +statue. There is a subtle relation between character and conditions, and +it is this _relation_ that determines Fate. Fate is as the statue of +the sculptor." + +"That's where Hadria mainly differs from you," said Fred, "you make the +thing absolute; Hadria makes it a matter of relation." + +"Exactly," assented the lecturer, catching the remark. "Difficulties +need not be really obstructive to the best development of a character or +a power, nor a smooth path always favourable. Obstacles may be of a kind +to stimulate one person and to annihilate another. It is _not_ a +question of relative strength between character and circumstance, as +people are so fond of asserting. That is mere gibberish. It means nothing. +The two things cannot be compared, for they are not of the same nature. +They can't be reduced to a common denominator." + +Austin appreciated this illustration, being head of his class for +arithmetic. + +"We shall never be able to take a reasonable view of this question till +we get rid of that ridiculous phrase, '_If the soul is strong enough, it +can overcome circumstance._' In a room filled with carbonic acid instead +of ordinary air, a giant would succumb as quickly as a dwarf, and his +strength would avail him nothing. Indeed, if there is a difference, it +is in favour of the dwarf." + +Ernest frowned. This was all high treason against his favourite author. +He had given his sister a copy of Emerson's works last Christmas, in the +hope that her views might be enlightened, and _this_ was the disgraceful +use she made of it! + +"Finally," said Hadria, smiling defiantly at her brother, "let us put +the question shortly thus: Given (say) great artistic power, given also +a conscience and a strong will, is there any combination of circumstances +which might prevent the artistic power (assuming it to be of the highest +order and strength) from developing and displaying itself, so as to meet +with general recognition?" + +"No," asserted Ernest, and there was a hesitating chorus on his side. + +"There seem to me to be a thousand chances against it," Hadria +continued. "Artistic power, to begin with, is a sort of weakness in +relation to the everyday world, and so, in some respects, is a nice +conscience. I think Emerson is shockingly unjust. His beaming optimism +is a worship of success disguised under lofty terms. There is nothing +to prove that thousands have not been swamped by maladjustment of +character to circumstance, and I would even go so far as to suggest that +perhaps the very greatest of all are those whom the world has never +known, because the present conditions are inharmonious with the very +noblest and the very highest qualities." + +No sooner was the last word uttered than the garret became the scene of +the stormiest debate that had ever been recorded in the annals of the +Preposterous Society, an institution that had lately celebrated its +fifth anniversary. Hadria, fired by opposition, declared that the +success of great people was due not simply to their greatness, but to +some smaller and commoner quality which brought them in touch with the +majority, and so gave their greatness a chance. + +At this, there was such a howl of indignation that Algitha remonstrated. + +"We shall be heard, if you don't take care," she warned. + +"My dear Algitha, there are a dozen empty rooms between us and the +inhabited part of the house, not to mention the fact that we are a +storey above everyone except the ghosts, so I think you may compose +yourself." + +However, the excited voices were hushed a little as the discussion +continued. One of the chief charms of the institution, in the eyes of +the members of the Society, was its secrecy. The family, though united +by ties of warm affection to their parents, did not look for +encouragement from them in this direction. Mr. Fullerton was too +exclusively scientific in his bent of thought, to sympathize with the +kind of speculation in which his children delighted, while their mother +looked with mingled pride and alarm at these outbreaks of individuality +on the part of her daughters, for whom she craved the honours of the +social world. In this out-of-the-way district, society smiled upon +conformity, and glared vindictively at the faintest sign of spontaneous +thinking. Cleverness of execution, as in music, tennis, drawing, was +forgiven, even commended; but originality, though of the mildest sort, +created the same agonizing disturbance in the select circle, as the +sight of a crucifix is wont to produce upon the father of Evil. Yet by +some freak of fortune, the whole family at Dunaghee had shewn obstinate +symptoms of individuality from their childhood, and, what was more +distressing, the worst cases occurred in the girls. + +In the debate just recorded, that took place on Algitha's twenty-second +birthday, Ernest had been Hadria's principal opponent, but the others +had also taken the field against her. + +"You have the easier cause to champion," she said, when there was a +momentary lull, "for all your evidences can be pointed to and counted; +whereas mine, poor things--pale hypotheses, nameless peradventures--lie +in forgotten churchyards--unthought of, unthanked, untrumpeted, and all +their tragedy is lost in the everlasting silence." + +"You will never make people believe in what _might_ have been," said +Algitha. + +"I don't expect to." Hadria was standing by the window looking out over +the glimmering fields and the shrouded white hills. "Life is as white and +as unsympathetic as this," she said dreamily. "We just dance our reel in +our garret, and then it is all over; and whether we do the steps as our +fancy would have them, or a little otherwise, because of the uneven floor, +or tired feet, or for lack of chance to learn the steps--heavens and earth, +what does it matter?" + +"Hadria!" exclaimed an astonished chorus. + +The sentiment was so entirely unlike any that the ardent President of +the Society had ever been known to express before, that brothers and +sisters crowded up to enquire into the cause of the unusual mood. + +"Oh, it is only the moonlight that has got into my head," she said, +flinging back the cloudy black hair from her brow. + +Algitha's firm, clear voice vibrated through the room. + +"But I think it matters very much whether one's task is done well or +ill," she said, "and nobody has taught me to wish to make solid use of +my life so much as you have, Hadria. What possesses you to-night?" + +"I tell you, the moonlight." + +"And something else." + +"Well, it struck me, as I stood there with my head full of what we have +been discussing, that the conditions of a girl's life of our own class +are pleasant enough, but they are stifling, absolutely _stifling_; +and not all the Emersons in the world will convince me to the contrary. +Emerson never was a girl!" + +There was a laugh. + +"No; but he was a great man," said Ernest. + +"Then he must have had something of the girl in him!" cried Hadria. + +"I didn't mean that, but perhaps it is true." + +"If he had been a girl, he would have known that conditions _do_ count +hideously in one's life. I think that there are more 'destroyers' to be +carried about and pampered in this department of existence than in any +other (material conditions being equal)." + +"Do you mean that a girl would have more difficulty in bringing her +power to maturity and getting it recognized than a man would have?" +asked Fred. + +"Yes; the odds are too heavy." + +"A second-rate talent perhaps," Ernest admitted, "but not a really big +one." + +"I should exactly reverse that statement," said Hadria. "The greater the +power and the finer its quality, the greater the inharmony between the +nature and the conditions; therefore the more powerful the leverage +against it. A small comfortable talent might hold its own, where a +larger one would succumb. That is where I think you make your big +mistake, in forgetting that the greatness of the power may serve to +make the greatness of the obstacles." + +"So much the better for me then," said Algitha, with a touch of satire; +"for I have no idea of being beaten." She folded her arms in a serene +attitude of determination. + +"Surely it only wants a little force of will to enable you to occupy +your life in the manner you think best," said Ernest. + +"That is often impossible for a girl, because prejudice and custom are +against her." + +"But she ought to despise prejudice and custom," cried the brother, +nobly. + +"So she often would; but then she has to tear through so many living +ties that restrain her freedom." + +Algitha drew herself up. "If one is unjustly restrained," she said, "it +is perfectly right to brave the infliction of the sort of pain that +people feel only because they unfairly object to one's liberty of +action." + +"But what a frightful piece of circumstance _that_ is to encounter," +cried Hadria, "to have to buy the mere right to one's liberty by cutting +through prejudices that are twined in with the very heart-strings of +those one loves! Ah! _that_ particular obstacle has held many a +woman helpless and suffering, like some wretched insect pinned alive to +a board throughout a miserable lifetime! What would Emerson say to these +cases? That 'Nature magically suits the man to his fortunes by making +these the fruit of his character'? Pooh! I think Nature more often makes +a man's fortunes a veritable shirt of Nessus which burns and clings, and +finally kills him with anguish!" + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +Once more the old stronghold of Dunaghee, inured for centuries to the +changes of the elements, received the day's greeting. The hues of dawn +tinged the broad hill pastures, or "airds," as they were called, round +about the Tower of the Winds. No one was abroad yet in the silent lands, +except perhaps a shepherd, tending his flock. The little farmstead of +Craw Gill, that lay at a distance of about a couple of miles down the +valley, on the side of a ravine, was apparently dead asleep. Cruachmore, +the nearest upland farm, could scarcely be seen from the stronghold. The +old tower had been added to, perhaps two hundred years ago; a +rectangular block projecting from the corner of the original building, +and then a second erection at right angles to the first, so as to form +three sides of an irregular courtyard. This arrangement afforded some +shelter from the winds which seldom ceased to blow in these high +regions. The spot had borne the same reputation for centuries, as the +name of the old tower implied. + +The Tower of the Winds stood desolately, in the midst of a wide-eyed +agricultural country, and was approached only by a sort of farm track +that ran up hill and down dale, in a most erratic course, to the distant +main road. + +The country was not mountainous, though it lay in a northern district of +Scotland; it was bleak and solitary, with vast bare fields of grass or +corn; and below in the valley, a river that rushed sweeping over its +rough bed, silent where it ran deep, but chattering busily in the +shallows. Here was verdure to one's heart's content; the whole country +being a singular mixture of bleakness on the heights, and woodland +richness in the valleys; bitterly cold in the winter months, when the +light deserted the uplands ridiculously early in the afternoon, leaving +long mysterious hours that held the great silent stretches of field and +hill-side in shadow; a circumstance, which had, perhaps, not been +without its influence in the forming of Hadria's character. She, more +than the others, seemed to have absorbed the spirit of the northern +twilights. It was her custom to wander alone over the broad spaces of +the hills, watching the sun set behind them, the homeward flight of the +birds, the approach of darkness and the rising of the stars. Every +instinct that was born in her with her Celtic blood--which lurked still +in the family to the confounding of its fortunes--was fostered by the +mystery and wildness of her surroundings. + +Dawn and sunset had peculiar attractions for her. + +Although the Preposterous Society had not separated until unusually late +on the previous night, the President was up and abroad on this exquisite +morning, summoned by some "message of range and of sweep----" to the +flushing stretches of pasture and the windy hill-side. + +In spite of the view that Hadria had expounded in her capacity of +lecturer, she had an inner sense that somehow, after all, the will _can_ +perform astonishing feats in Fate's despite. Her intellect, rather than +her heart, had opposed the philosophy of Emerson. Her sentiment recoiled +from admitting the possibility of such tragedy as her expressed belief +implied. This morning, the wonder and the grandeur of the dawn supplied +arguments to faith. If the best in human nature were always to be hunted +down and extinguished, if the efforts to rise in the scale of being, to +bring gifts instead of merely absorbing benefits, were only by a rare +combination of chances to escape the doom of annihilation, where was one +to turn to for hope, or for a motive for effort? How could one reconcile +the marvellous beauty of the universe, the miracles of colour, form, +and, above all, of music, with such a chaotic moral condition, and such +unlovely laws in favour of dulness, cowardice, callousness, cruelty? One +aspired to be an upholder and not a destroyer, but if it were a useless +pain and a bootless venture----? + +Hadria tried to find some proof of the happier philosophy that would +satisfy her intellect, but it refused to be comforted. Yet as she +wandered in the rosy light over the awakening fields, her heart sang +within her. The world was exquisite, life was a rapture! + +She could take existence in her hands and form and fashion it at her +will, obviously, easily; her strength yearned for the task. + +Yet all the time, the importunate intellect kept insisting that feeling +was deceptive, that health and youth and the freshness of the morning +spoke in her, and not reason or experience. Feeling was left untouched +nevertheless. It was impossible to stifle the voices that prophesied +golden things. Life was all before her; she was full of vigour and +longing and good will; the world stretched forth as a fair territory, +with magical pathways leading up to dizzy mountain tops. With visions +such as these, the members of the Preposterous Society had fired their +imaginations, and gained impetus for their various efforts and their +various ambitions. + +Hadria had been among the most hopeful of the party, and had pointed to +the loftier visions, and the more impersonal aims. Circumstance must +give way, compromise was wrong; we had but a short time in this world, +and mere details and prejudices must not be allowed to interfere with +one's right to live to the utmost of one's scope. But it was easier to +state a law than to obey it; easier to inspire others with faith than to +hold fast to it oneself. + +The time for taking matters in one's own hands had scarcely come. A girl +was so helpless, so tied by custom. One could engage, so far, only in +guerilla warfare with the enemy, who lurked everywhere in ambush, ready +to harass the wayfarers with incessant petty attack. But life _must_ +have something more to offer than this--life with its myriad interests, +dramas, mysteries, arts, poetries, delights! + +By the river, where it had worn for itself a narrow ravine, with steep +rocky sides or "clints," as they were called, several short tunnels or +passages had been cut in places where the rock projected as far as the +bank of the river, which was followed in its windings by a narrow +footway, leading to the farmstead of Craw Gill. + +In one part, a series of such tunnels, with intervals of open pathway, +occurred in picturesque fashion, causing a singular effect of light and +shade. + +As Hadria stood admiring the glow of the now fully-risen sun, upon the +wall of rock that rose beyond the opening of the tunnel which she had +just passed through, she heard footsteps advancing along the riverside +path, and guessed that Algitha and Ernest had come to fetch her, or to +join in any absurd project that she might have in view. Although Algitha +was two-and-twenty, and Hadria only a year younger, they were still +guilty at times of wild escapades, with the connivance of their +brothers. Walks or rides at sunrise were ordinary occurrences in the +family, and in summer, bathing in the river was a favourite amusement. + +"I thought I recognised your footsteps," said Hadria, as the two figures +appeared at the mouth of the tunnel, the low rays of the sun lighting +them up, for a moment, as they turned the sharp bend of the narrow path, +before entering the shadow. + +A quantity of brown dead leaves were strewn upon the floor of the +rock-passage, blown in by the wind from the pathway at each end, or +perhaps through the opening in the middle of the tunnel that looked out +upon the rushing river. + +A willow-tree had found footing in the crevice of the rock just outside, +and its branches, thinly decked with pale yellow leaves, dipped into the +water just in front of the opening. When the wind blew off the river it +would sweep the leaves of the willow into the tunnel. + +"Let's make a bonfire," suggested Ernest. + +They collected the withered harvest of the winds upon the cavern floor, +in a big brown heap, and then Ernest struck a match and set light to it. +Algitha, in a large black cloak, stood over it with a hazel stick--like +a wand--stirring and heaping on the fuel, as the mass began to smoulder +and to send forth a thick white smoke that gradually filled the cavern, +curling up into the rocky roof and swirling round and out by the +square-cut mouth, to be caught there by the slight wind and illumined +by the sun, which poured down upon the soft coils of the smoke, in so +strange a fashion, as to call forth a cry of wonder from the onlookers. +Standing in the interval of open pathway between the two rock-passages, +and looking back at the fire lit cavern, with its black shadows and +flickering flame-colours, Hadria was bewildered by what appeared to her +a veritable magic vision, beautiful beyond anything that she had ever +met in dream. She stood still to watch, with a real momentary doubt as +to whether she were awake. + +The figures, stooping over the burning heap, moved occasionally across +the darkness, looking like a witch and her familiar spirit, who were +conjuring, by uncanny arts, a vision of life, on the strange, white, +clean-cut patch of smoke that was defined by the sunlit entrance to the +tunnel. The witch stirred, and her familiar added fuel, while behind +them the smoke, rising and curdling, formed the mysterious background +of light: opaque, and yet in a state of incessant movement, as of some +white raging fire, thinner and more deadly than any ordinary earthly +element, that seemed to sicken and flicker in the blast of a furnace, +and then rushed upwards, and coiled and rolled across the tunnel's +mouth. Presently, as a puff of wind swept away part of the smoke, a +miraculous tinge of rosy colour appeared, changing, as one caught it, +into gold, and presently to a milky blue, then liquid green, and a +thousand intermediate tints corresponding to the altering density of +the smoke--and then! Hadria caught her breath--the blue and the red +and the gold melted and moved and formed, under the incantation, into +a marvellous vision of distant lands, purple mountains, fair white +cities, and wide kingdoms, so many, so great, that the imagination +staggered at the vastness revealed, and offered, as it seemed, to him +who could grasp and perceive it. Among those blue deeps and faint +innumerable mountain-tops, caught through a soft mist that continually +moved and lifted, thinned and thickened, with changing tints, all the +secrets, all the hopes, all the powers and splendours, of life lay +hidden; and the beauty of the vision was as the essence of poetry and +of music--of all that is lovely in the world of art, and in the world of +the emotions. The question that had been debated so hotly and so often, +as to the relation of the good and the beautiful, art and ethics, seemed +to be answered by this bewildering revelation of sunlit smoke, playing +across the face of a purple-tinted rock, and a few feet of grass-edged +pathway. + +"Come and see what visions you have conjured up, O witch!" cried Hadria. + +Algitha gave a startled exclamation, as the smoke thinned and revealed +that bewildering glimpse of distant lands, half seen, as through the +atmosphere of a dream. An exquisite city, with slender towers and +temples, flashed, for a moment, through the mist curtain. + +"If life is like that," she said at length, drawing a long breath, +"nothing on this earth ought to persuade us to forego it; no one has the +right to hold one back from its possession." + +"No one," said Hadria; "but everyone will try!" + +"Let them try," returned Algitha defiantly. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Ernest and his two sisters walked homeward along the banks of the river, +and thence up by a winding path to the top of the cliffs. It was mild +weather, and they decided to pause in the little temple of classic +design, which some ancient owner of the Drumgarran estate, touched with +a desire for the exquisiteness of Greek outline, had built on a +promontory of the rocks, among rounded masses of wild foliage; a spot +that commanded one of the most beautiful reaches of the river. The scene +had something of classic perfection and serenity. + +"I admit," said Ernest in response to some remark of one of his sisters, +"I admit that I should not like to stay here during all the best years +of my life, without prospect of widening my experience; only as a matter +of fact, the world is somewhat different from anything that you imagine, +and by no means would you find it all beer and skittles. Your smoke and +sun-vision is not to be trusted." + +"But think of the pride and joy of being able to speak in that tone of +experience!" exclaimed Hadria mockingly. + +"One has to pay for experience," said Ernest, shaking his head and +ignoring her taunt. + +"I think one has to pay more heavily for _in_experience," she said. + +"Not if one never comes in contact with the world. Girls are protected +from the realities of life so long as they remain at home, and that is +worth something after all." + +Algitha snorted. "I don't know what you are pleased to call realities, +my dear Ernest, but I can assure you there are plenty of unpleasant +facts, in this protected life of ours." + +"Nobody can expect to escape unpleasant facts," said Ernest. + +"Then for heaven's sake, let us purchase with them something worth +having!" Hadria cried. + +"Hear, hear!" assented Algitha. + +"Unpleasant facts being a foregone conclusion," Hadria added, "the point +to aim at obviously is _interesting_ facts--and plenty of them." + +Ernest flicked a pebble off the parapet of the balustrade of the little +temple, and watched it fall, with a silent splash, into the river. + +"I never met girls before, who wanted to come out of their cotton-wool," +he observed. "I thought girls loved cotton-wool. They always seem to." + +"Girls _seem_ an astonishing number of things that they are not," +said Hadria, "especially to men. A poor benighted man might as well try +to get on to confidential terms with the Sphinx, as to learn the real +thoughts and wishes of a girl." + +"You two are exceptional, you see," said Ernest. + +"Oh, _everybody's_ exceptional, if you only knew it!" exclaimed his +sister. "Girls;" she went on to assert, "are stuffed with certain +stereotyped sentiments from their infancy, and when that painful process +is completed, intelligent philosophers come and smile upon the victims, +and point to them as proofs of the intentions of Nature regarding our +sex, admirable examples of the unvarying instincts of the feminine +creature. In fact," Hadria added with a laugh, "it's as if the trainer +of that troop of performing poodles that we saw, the other day, at +Ballochcoil, were to assure the spectators that the amiable animals were +inspired, from birth, by a heaven-implanted yearning to jump through +hoops, and walk about on their hind legs----" + +"But there _are_ such things as natural instincts," said Ernest. + +"There _are_ such things as acquired tricks," returned Hadria. + +A loud shout, accompanied by the barking of several dogs, announced the +approach of the two younger boys. Boys and dogs had been taking their +morning bath in the river. + +"You have broken in upon a most interesting discourse," said Ernest. +"Hadria was really coming out." + +This led to a general uproar. + +When peace was restored, the conversation went on in desultory fashion. +Ernest and Hadria fell apart into a more serious talk. These two had +always been "chums," from the time when they used to play at building +houses of bricks on the nursery floor. There was deep and true affection +between them. + +The day broke into splendour, and the warm rays, rounding the edge of +the eastward rock, poured straight into the little temple. Below and +around on the cliff-sides, the rich foliage of holly and dwarf oak, ivy, +and rowan with its burning berries, was transformed into a mass of warm +colour and shining surfaces. + +"What always bewilders me," Hadria said, bending over the balustrade +among the ivy, "is the enormous gulf between what _might be_ and what +_is_ in human life. Look at the world--life's most sumptuous stage--and +look at life! The one, splendid, exquisite, varied, generous, rich +beyond description; the other, poor, thin, dull, monotonous, niggard, +distressful--is that necessary?" + +"But all lives are not like that," objected Fred. + +"I speak only from my own narrow experience," said Hadria. + +"Oh, she is thinking, as usual, of that unfortunate Mrs. Gordon!" cried +Ernest. + +"Of her, and the rest of the average, typical sort of people that I +know," Hadria admitted. "I wish to heaven I had a wider knowledge to +speak from." + +"If one is to believe what one hears and reads," said Algitha, "life +must be full of sorrow indeed." + +"But putting aside the big sorrows," said her sister, "the ordinary +every day existence that would be called prosperous, seems to me to be +dull and stupid to a tragic extent." + +"The Gordons of Drumgarran once more! I confess I can't see anything +particularly tragic there," observed Fred, whose memory recalled troops +of stalwart young persons in flannels, engaged for hours, in sending a +ball from one side of a net to the other. + +"It is more than tragic; it is disgusting!" cried Hadria with a shiver. +Algitha drew herself together. She turned to her eldest brother. + +"Look here, Ernest; you said just now that girls were shielded from the +realities of life. Yet Mrs. Gordon was handed over by her protectors, +when she was little more than a school-girl, without knowledge, without +any sort of resource or power of facing destiny, to--well, to the +hateful realities of the life that she has led now for over twenty +years. There is nothing to win general sympathy in this case, for Mr. +Gordon is good and kind; but oh, think of the existence that a +'protected,' carefully brought-up girl may be launched into, before she +knows what she is pledged to, or what her ideas of life may be! If +_that_ is what you call protection, for heaven's sake let us remain +defenceless." + +Fred and Ernest accused their elder sister of having been converted by +Hadria. Algitha, honest and courageous in big things and in small, at +once acknowledged the source of her ideas. Not so long ago, Algitha had +differed from the daughters of the neighbouring houses, rather in force +of character than in sentiment. + +She had followed the usual aims with unusual success, giving unalloyed +satisfaction to her proud mother. Algitha had taken it as a matter of +course that she would some day marry, and have a house of her own to +reign in. A home, not a husband, was the important matter, and Algitha +had trusted to her attractions to make a good marriage; that is, to +obtain extensive regions for her activities. She craved a roomy stage +for her drama, and obviously there was only one method of obtaining it, +and even that method was but dubious. But Hadria had undermined this +matter of fact, take-things-as-you-find-them view, and set her sister's +pride on the track. That master-passion once aroused in the new +direction, Algitha was ready to defend her dignity as a woman, and as a +human being, to the death. Hadria felt as a magician might feel, who has +conjured up spirits henceforth beyond his control; for obviously, her +sister's whole life would be altered by this change of sentiment, and, +alas, her mother's hopes must be disappointed. The laird of Clarenoc--a +fine property, of which Algitha might have been mistress--had received +polite discouragement, much to his surprise and that of the +neighbourhood. Even Ernest, who was by no means worldly, questioned the +wisdom of his sister's decision; for the laird of Clarenoc was a good +fellow, and after all, let them talk as they liked, what was to become +of a girl unless she married? This morning's conversation therefore +touched closely on burning topics. + +"Mrs. Gordon's people meant it for the best, I suppose," Ernest +observed, "when they married her to a good man with a fine property." + +"That is just the ghastly part of it!" cried Hadria; "from ferocious +enemies a girl might defend herself, but what is she to do against the +united efforts of devoted friends?" + +"I don't suppose Mrs. Gordon is aware that she is so ill-used!" + +"Another gruesome circumstance!" cried Hadria, with a half laugh; "for +that only proves that her life has dulled her self-respect, and +destroyed her pride." + +"But, my dear, every woman is in the same predicament, if predicament it +be!" + +"What a consolation!" Hadria exclaimed, "_all_ the foxes have lost +their tails!" + +"It may be illogical, but people generally are immensely comforted by +that circumstance." + +The conversation waxed warmer and more personal. Fred took a +conservative view of the question. He thought that there were instincts +implanted by Nature, which inspired Mrs. Gordon with a yearning for +exactly the sort of existence that fate had assigned to her. Algitha, +who had been the recipient of that lady's tragic confidences, broke into +a shout of laughter. + +"Well, Harold Wilkins says----" + +This name was also greeted with a yell of derision. + +"I don't see why you girls always scoff so at Harold Wilkins," said +Fred, slightly aggrieved, "he is generally thought a lot of by girls. +All Mrs. Gordon's sisters adore him." + +"He needs no further worshippers," said Hadria. + +Fred was asked to repeat the words of Harold Wilkins, but to soften them +down if too severe. + +"He laughs at your pet ideas," said Fred ruthlessly. + +"Break it gently, Fred, gently." + +"He thinks that a true woman esteems it her highest privilege to--well, +to be like Mrs. Gordon." + +"Wise and learned youth!" cried Hadria, resting her chin on her hand, +and peering up into the blue sky, above the temple. + +"_Fool!_" exclaimed Algitha. + +"He says," continued Fred, determined not to spare those who were so +overbearing in their scorn, "he says that girls who have ideas like +yours will never get any fellow to marry them." + +Laughter loud and long greeted this announcement. + +"Laughter," observed Fred, when he could make himself heard, "is among +the simplest forms of argument. Does this merry outburst imply that you +don't care a button whether you are able to get some one to marry you or +not?" + +"It does," said Algitha. + +"Well, so I said to Wilkins, as a matter of fact, with my nose in the air, +on your behalf, and Wilkins replied, 'Oh, it's all very well while girls +are young and good-looking to be so high and mighty, but some day, when +they are left out in the cold, and all their friends married, they may +sing a different tune.' Feeling there was something in this remark," +Fred continued, "I raised my nose two inches higher, and adopted the +argument that _I_ also resort to _in extremis_. I laughed. +'Well, my dear fellow,' Wilkins observed calmly, 'I mean no offence, but +what on earth is a girl to do with herself if she _doesn't_ marry?'" + +"What did you reply?" asked Ernest with curiosity. + +"Oh, I said that was an unimportant detail, and changed the subject." + +Algitha was still scornful, but Hadria looked meditative. + +"Harold Wilkins has a practical mind," she observed. "After all, he is +right, when you come to consider it." + +"_Hadria!_" remonstrated her sister, in dismay. + +"We may as well be candid," said Hadria. "There _is_ uncommonly little +that a girl can do (or rather that people will let her do) unless she +marries, and that is why she so often does marry as a mere matter of +business. But I wish Harold Wilkins would remember that fact, instead of +insisting that it is our inherent and particular nature that urges us, +one and all, to the career of Mrs. Gordon." + +Algitha was obviously growing more and more ruffled. Fred tried in vain +to soothe her feelings. He joked, but she refused to see the point. She +would not admit that Harold Wilkins had facts on his side. + +"If one simply made up one's mind to walk through all the hampering +circumstances, who or what could stop one?" she asked. + +"Algitha has evidently got some desperate plan in her head for making +mincemeat of circumstances," cried Fred, little guessing that he had +stated the exact truth. + +"Do you remember that Mrs. Gordon herself waged a losing battle in early +days, incredible as it may appear?" asked Hadria. + +Algitha nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on the ground. + +"She did not originally set out with the idea of being a sort of amiable +cow. She once aspired to be quite human; she really did, poor thing!" + +"Then why didn't she do it?" asked Algitha contemptuously. + +"Instead of _doing_ a thing, she had to be perpetually struggling for +the chance to do it, which she never achieved, and so she was submerged. +That seems to be the fatality in a woman's life." + +"Well, there is one thing I am very sure of," announced Algitha, leaning +majestically against a column of the temple, and looking like a +beautiful Greek maiden, in her simple gown, "I do not intend to be a +cow. I do not mean to fight a losing battle. I will not wait at home +meekly, till some fool holds out his sceptre to me." + +All eyes turned to her, in astonishment. + +"But what are you going to do?" asked a chorus of voices. Hadria's was +not among them, for she knew what was coming. The debate of last night, +and this morning's discussion, had evidently brought to a climax a +project that Algitha had long had in her mind, but had hesitated to +carry out, on account of the distress that it would cause to her mother. +Algitha's eyes glittered, and her colour rose. + +"I am not going to be hawked about the county till I am disposed of. It +does not console me in the least, that _all_ the foxes are without +tails," she went on, taking short cuts to her meaning, in her +excitement. "I am going to London with Mrs. Trevelyan, to help her in +her work." + +"By _Jove_!" exclaimed Fred. Ernest whistled. Austin stared, with +open mouth. + +Having recovered from the first shock of surprise, the family plied +their sister with questions. She said that she had long been thinking of +accepting the post offered her by Mrs. Trevelyan last year, and now she +was resolved. The work was really wise, useful work among the poor, +which Algitha felt she could do well. At home, there was nothing that +she did that the housekeeper could not do better. She felt herself +fretting and growing irritable, for mere want of some active employment. +This was utterly absurd, in an overworked world. Hadria had her music +and her study, at any rate, but Algitha had nothing that seemed worth +doing; she did not care to paint indifferently on china; she was a mere +encumbrance--a destroyer, as Hadria put it--while there was so much, so +very much, that waited to be done. The younger sister made no comment. + +"Next time I meet Harold Wilkins," said Fred, drawing a long breath, "I +will tell him that if a girl does not marry, she can devote herself to +the poor." + +"Or that she can remain to be the family consolation, eh, Hadria? By +Jove, what a row there will be!" + +The notion of Hadria in the capacity of the family consolation, created +a shout of laughter. It had always been her function to upset foregone +conclusions, overturn orthodox views, and generally disturb the +conformity of the family attitude. Now the sedate and established +qualities would be expected of her. Hadria must be the stay and hope +of the house! + +Fred continued to chuckle, at intervals, over the idea. + +"It _does_ seem to indicate rather a broken-down family!" said Ernest. + +"I wish one of you boys would undertake the position instead of laughing +at _me_," exclaimed Hadria in mock resentment. "I wish _you_ would go to +eternal tennis-parties, and pay calls, and bills, and write notes, and +do little useless necessary things, more or less all day. I wish _you_ +had before you the choice between that existence and the career of Mrs. +Gordon, with the sole chance of escape from either fate, in ruthlessly +trampling upon the bleeding hearts of two beloved parents!" + +"Thank you kindly," said Fred, "but we infinitely prefer to laugh at you." + +"Man's eternal reply to woman, admirably paraphrased!" commented Hadria. + +Everyone was anxious to know when Algitha intended to go to London. +Nobody doubted for a moment that she would hold to her purpose; as Fred +said, she was so "beastly obstinate." + +Algitha had not fixed any time. It would depend on her mother. She +wished to make things as little painful as possible. That it was her +duty to spare her pain altogether by remaining at home, Algitha refused +to admit. She and Hadria had thought out the question from all sides. +The work she was going to do was useful, but she did not justify herself +on that ground. She claimed the right to her life and her liberty, apart +from what she intended to do with either. She owed it to her own +conscience alone to make good use of her liberty. "I don't want to pose +as a philanthropist," she added, "though I honestly do desire to be of +service. I want to spread my wings. And why should I not? Nobody turns +pale when Ernest wants to spread _his_. How do I know what life is like, +or how best to use it, if I remain satisfied with my present ignorance? +How can I even appreciate what I possess, if I have nothing to compare +it with? Of course, the truly nice and womanly thing to do, is to remain +at home, waiting to be married. I have elected to be _un_womanly." + +"I wonder how all this will turn out," said Ernest, "whether you won't +regret it some day when it is too late." + +"Don't people _always_ regret what they do--some day?" asked Hadria. + +"Perhaps so, especially if they do it sooner than other people." + +"When are you going to make the announcement at head quarters?" asked +Fred. + +There was a pause. The colour had left Algitha's cheeks. She answered at +length with an effort-- + +"I shall speak to mother to-day." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +Mrs. Fullerton had gone to the study, to consult with her husband on +some matter of domestic importance. It was a long, low-pitched room, +situated in the part of the house that stood at right angles to the +central block, with long, narrow windows looking on to a rough orchard. +A few old portraits, very yellow and somewhat grotesque, hung on the +walls; a wood fire burnt on the hob-grate, and beside it stood a vast +arm chair, considerably worn, with depressions shewing where its owner +had been leaning his head, day after day, when he smoked his pipe, or +took his after-dinner nap. The bookshelves were stocked with scientific +works, and some volumes on philosophy of a materialistic character. With +the exception of Robert Burns, not one poet was represented. + +The owner of the house sat before a big writing-table, which was covered +with papers. His face was that of a hard thinker; the head was fine in +form, the forehead broad and high; the features regular, almost severe. +The severity was softened by a genial expression. Mrs. Fullerton, though +also obviously above the average of humanity, shewed signs of incomplete +development. The shape of the head and brow promised many faculties that +the expression of the face did not encourage one to expect. She was +finely built; and carried herself with dignity. When her daughters +accompanied her on a round of calls in the neighbourhood, they expressed +a certain quality in her appearance, in rough and ready terms: "Other +married women always look such fools beside mother!" + +And they did. + +Mrs. Fullerton wore her fine black hair brushed neatly over her +forehead; her eyes were large, and keen in expression. The mouth shewed +determination. It was easy to see that this lady had unbounded belief in +her husband's wisdom, except in social matters, for which he cared +nothing. On that point she had to keep her ambitions to herself. In +questions of philosophy, she had imbibed his tenets unmodified, and +though she went regularly every Sunday to the close little Scottish +church at Ballochcoil, she had no more respect than her husband had, +for the doctrines that were preached there. + +"No doubt it is all superstition and nonsense," she used to say, "but in +this country, one can't afford to fly in the face of prejudice. It would +seriously tell against the girls." + +"Well, have your own way," Mr. Fullerton would reply, "but I can't see +the use of always bothering about what people will think. What more do +the girls want than a good home and plenty of lawn-tennis? They'll get +husbands fast enough, without your asphyxiating yourself every Sunday +in their interests." + +In her youth, Mrs. Fullerton had shewn signs of qualities which had +since been submerged. Her husband had influenced her development +profoundly, to the apparent stifling of every native tendency. A few +volumes of poetry, and other works of imagination, bore testimony to +the lost sides of her nature. + +Mr. Fullerton thought imagination "all nonsense," and his wife had no +doubt he was right, though there was something to be said for one or two +of the poets. The buried impulses had broken out, like a half-smothered +flame, in her children, especially in her younger daughter. Singularly +enough, the mother regarded these qualities, partly inherited from +herself, as erratic and annoying. The memory of her own youth taught her +no sympathy. + +It was a benumbed sort of life that she led, in her picturesque old +home, whose charm she perceived but dimly with the remnants of her lost +aptitudes. + +"Picturesque!" Mr. Fullerton used to cry with a snort; "why not say +'unhealthy' and be done with it?" + +From these native elements of character, modified in so singular a +fashion in the mother's life, the children of this pair had drawn +certain of their peculiarities. The inborn strength and authenticity +of the parents had transmuted itself, in the younger generation, to a +spirit of free enquiry, and an audacity of thought which boded ill for +Mrs. Fullerton's ambitions. The talent in her daughters, from which she +had hoped so much, seemed likely to prove a most dangerous obstacle to +their success. Why was it that clever people were never sensible? + +The gong sounded for luncheon. Austin put his head in at the door of the +study, to ask if his father would shew him a drop of ditch-water through +the microscope, in the afternoon. + +"If you will provide the ditch-water, I will provide the microscope," +promised Mr. Fullerton genially. + +Luncheon, usually a merry meal at Dunaghee, passed off silently. There +was a sense of oppression in the air. Algitha and her sister made +spasmodic remarks, and there were long pauses. The conversation was +chiefly sustained by the parents and the ever-talkative Fred. + +The latter had some anecdotes to tell of the ravages made by wasps. + +"If Buchanan would only adopt my plan of destroying them," said Mr. +Fullerton, "we should soon get rid of the pest." + +"It's some chemical, isn't it?" asked Mrs. Fullerton. + +"Oh, no; that's no use at all! Wasps positively enjoy chemicals. What +you do is this----." And then followed a long and minute explanation of +his plan, which had the merit of extreme originality. + +Mr. Fullerton had his own particular way of doing everything, a piece +of presumption which was naturally resented, with proper spirit, by his +neighbours. He found it an expensive luxury. In the management of the +estate, he had outraged the feelings of every landlord and land-agent +within a radius of many miles, but he gained the affection of his +tenants, and this he seemed to value more than the approval of his +fellow-proprietors. In theory, he stuck out for his privileges; in +practice, he was the friend and brother of the poorest on the estate. In +his mode of farming he was as eccentric as in his method of management. +He had taken Croachmore into his own hands, and this devoted farm had +become the subject of a series of drastic scientific experiments, to the +great grief and indignation of his bailiff. + +Mrs. Fullerton believed implicitly in the value of these experiments, +and so long as her husband tried science only on the farm she had no +misgivings; but, alas, he had lately taken shares in some company, that +was to revolutionize agriculture through an ingenious contrivance for +collecting nitrogen from the atmosphere. Mr. Fullerton was confident +that the new method was to be a gigantic success. But on this point, +his wife uneasily shook her head. She had even tried to persuade Mr. +Fullerton to rid himself of his liability. It was so great, she argued, +and why should one be made anxious? But her husband assured her that she +didn't understand anything about it; women ought not to meddle in +business matters; it was a stupendous discovery, sure to make the +fortunes of the original shareholders. + +"When once the prejudice against a new thing has been got over," said +the man of science, "you will see----the thing will go like wild-fire." + +Many years afterwards, these words were remembered by Mrs. Fullerton, +and she bitterly regretted that she had not urged the matter more +strenuously. + +"Well, Algitha," said her father, wondering at her silence, "how are the +roses getting on? And I hope you have not forgotten the sweet-brier that +you promised to grow for me." + +"Oh, no, father, the sweet-brier has been ordered," returned Algitha, +without her usual brightness of manner. + +"Have you a headache?" enquired Mrs. Fullerton. "I hope you have not all +been sitting up talking in Hadria's room, as you are too fond of doing. +You have the whole day in which to express your ideas, and I think you +might let the remainder wait over till morning." + +"We _were_ rather late last night," Algitha confessed. + +"Pressure of ideas overpowering," added Fred. + +"When _I_ was young, ideas would never have been tolerated in young +people for a moment," said Mrs. Fullerton, "it would have been considered +a mark of ill-breeding. You may think yourselves lucky to be born at this +end of the century, instead of the other." + +"Indeed we do!" exclaimed Ernest. "It's getting jolly interesting!" + +"In some respects, no doubt we have advanced," observed his mother, "but +I confess I don't understand all your modern notions. Everybody seems to +be getting discontented. The poor want to be rich, and the rich want to +be millionaires; men want to do their master's work, and women want to +do men's; everything is topsy-turvy!" + +"The question is: What constitutes being right side up?" said Ernest. +"One can't exactly say what is topsy-turvy till one knows _that_." + +"When I was young we thought we _did_ know," said Mrs. Fullerton, +"but no doubt we are old-fashioned." + +When luncheon was over, Mr. Fullerton went to the garden with his +family, according to a time-honoured custom. His love of flowers +sometimes made Hadria wonder whether her father also had been born with +certain instincts, which the accidents of life had stifled or failed to +develop. Terrible was the tyranny of circumstance! What had Emerson been +dreaming of? + +Mr. Fullerton, with a rose-bud in his button-hole, went off with the +boys for a farming walk. Mrs. Fullerton returned to the house, and the +sisters were left pacing together in the sheltered old garden, between +two rows of gorgeous autumn flowers. + +Hadria felt sick with dread of the coming interview. + +Algitha was buoyed up, for the moment, by a strong conviction that she +was in the right. + +"It can't be fair even for parents to order one's whole life according +to their pleasure," she said. "Other girls submit, I know----" + +"And so the world is full of abortive, ambiguous beings, fit for +nothing. The average woman always seem to me to be _muffled_----or +morbid." + +"That's what _I_ should become if I pottered about here much longer," +said Algitha--"morbid; and if there is one thing on the face of the +earth that I loathe, it is morbidness." + +Both sisters were instinctively trying to buttress up Algitha's courage, +by strengthening her position with additional arguments. + +"Is it fair," Hadria asked, "to summon children into the world, and then +run up bills against them for future payment? Why should one not see the +bearings of the matter?" + +"In theory one can see them clearly enough; but it is poor comfort when +it comes to practice." + +"Oh, seeing the bearings of things is _always_ poor comfort!" exclaimed +the younger sister, with sudden vehemence. "Upon my word, I think it is +better, after all, to absorb indiscriminately whatever idiotcy may +happen to be around one, and go with the crowd." + +"Nonsense!" cried Algitha, who had no sympathy with these passionate +discouragements that alternated, in Hadria, with equally passionate +exaltations. + +"When you have gone, I will ask Mrs. Gordon to teach me the spirit of +acquiescence, and one of those distracting games--besique or halma, or +some of the other infernal pastimes that heaven decrees for recalcitrant +spirits in need of crushing discipline." + +"I think I see you!" Algitha exclaimed with a dispirited laugh. + +"It will be a trial," Hadria admitted; "but it is said that suffering +strengthens the character. You may look forward before long, to claiming +as sister a creature of iron purpose." + +"I wonder, I wonder," cried Algitha, bending her fine head; "we owe +everything to her." + +"I know we do. It's of no use disguising the unpleasant side of the +matter. A mother disappointed in her children must be a desperately +unhappy woman. She has nothing left; for has she not resigned everything +for them? But is sacrifice for ever to follow on sacrifice? Is life to +go rolling after life, like the cheeses that the idiot in the fable sent +running downhill, the one to fetch the other back?" + +"Yes, for ever," said Algitha, "until a few dare to break through the +tradition, and then everyone will wonder at its folly. If only I could +talk the matter over, in a friendly spirit, with mother, but she won't +let me. Ah! if it were not that one is born with feelings and energies +and ambitions of one's own, parents might treat one as a showman treats +his marionettes, and we should all be charmed to lie prone on our backs, +or to dance as may be convenient to our creators. But, as it is, the +life of a marionette--however affectionate the wire-pullers--does become +monotonous after a time." + +"As to that," said the younger sister, with a little raising of the +brows, as if half shrinking from what she meant to say, "I think most +parents regard their children with such favourable eyes, not so much +because they are _they_ as because they are _theirs_." + +The sisters paced the length of the garden without speaking. Then Hadria +came to a standstill at the sun-dial, at the crossing of the paths, and +began absently to trace the figures of the hours, with the stalk of a +rose. + +"After all," she said, "parents are presumably not actuated by +humanitarian motives in bringing one into this wild world. They don't +even profess to have felt an unselfish desire to see one enjoying +oneself at their expense (though, as a matter of fact, what enjoyment +one has generally _is_ at their expense). People are always +enthusiastically congratulated on the arrival of a new child, though it +be the fourteenth, and the income two hundred a year! This seems to +point to a pronounced taste for new children, regardless of the +consequences!" + +"Oh, of course," said Algitha, "it's one of the canons! Women, above +all, are expected to jubilate at all costs. And I think most of them do, +more or less sincerely." + +"Very well then," cried Hadria, "it is universally admitted that +children are summoned into the world to gratify parental instincts. Yet +the parents throw all the onus of existence, after all, upon the children, +and make _them_ pay for it, and apologise for it, and justify it by +a thousand sacrifices and an ever-flowing gratitude." + +"I am quite ready to give gratitude and sacrifice too," said Algitha, +"but I don't feel that I ought to sacrifice _everything_ to an idea +that seems to me wrong. Surely a human being has a right to his own life. +If he has not that, what, in heaven's name, _has_ he?" + +"Anything but that!" cried Hadria. + + * * * * * + +While the momentous interview was going on, Hadria walked restlessly up +and down the garden, feverishly waiting. The borders were brilliant with +vast sunflowers, white lilies, and blazing "red-hot pokers" tangled +together in splendid profusion, a very type of richness and glory of +life. Such was the sort of existence that Hadria claimed from Fate. Her +eyes turned to the bare, forlorn hills that even the August sunshine +could not conjure into sumptuousness, and there she saw the threatened +reality. + +When at last Algitha's fine figure appeared at the further end of the +path, Hadria hastened forward and took her sister's arm. + +"It was worse than I had feared," Algitha said, with a quiver in her +voice. "I _know_ I am right, and yet it seems almost more than I am +equal for. When I told mother, she turned deadly white, and I thought, +for a moment, that she was going to faint. Let's sit down on this +seat." + +"Oh, it was horrible, Hadria! Mother must have been cherishing hopes +about us, in a way that I don't think she quite knew herself. After that +first moment of wretchedness, she flew into a passion of rage--that +dreadful, tearing anger that people only feel when something of +themselves is being wrenched away from them. She said that her children +were all bad and unnatural; that she had spent her whole life in their +interests; that if it had not been for her, we should all of us have +grown up without education or accomplishments, or looks, or anything +else; that she watched over us incessantly when we were little children, +denying herself, spending her youth in devotion to us, when she might +have gone into the world, and had some brightness and pleasure. If we +imagined that she had never felt the dulness of her life, and never +longed to go about and see people and things, we were much mistaken. But +she had renounced everything she cared for, from her girlhood--she was +scarcely older than I when her sacrifices began--and now her children +gave no consideration to her; they were ready to scatter themselves +hither and thither without a thought of her, or her wishes. They even +talked scoffingly of the kind of life that she had led for _them_--for +_them_, she repeated bitterly." + +Hadria's face had clouded. + +"Truly parents must have a bad time of it!" she exclaimed, "but does it +really console them that their children should have a bad time of it +too?" + +Algitha was trembling and very pale. + +"Mother says I shall ruin my life by this fad. What real good am I going +to do? She says it is absurd the way we talk of things we know nothing +about." + +"But she won't let us know about things; one must talk about +_some_thing!" cried Hadria with a dispirited laugh. + +"She says she has experience of life, and we are ignorant of it. I +reminded her that our ignorance was not exactly our fault." + +"Ah! precisely. Parents throw their children's ignorance in their teeth, +having taken precious good care to prevent their knowing anything. I can't +understand parents; they must have been young themselves once. Yet they +seem to have forgotten all about it. They keep us hoodwinked and infantile, +and then launch us headlong into life, with all its problems to meet, and +all momentous decisions made for us, past hope of undoing." Hadria rose +restlessly in her excitement. "Surely no creature was ever dealt with so +insanely as the well-brought-up girl! Surely no well-wisher so sincere as +the average parent ever ill-treated his charge so preposterously." + +Again there was a long silence, filled with painful thought. "One begins +to understand a little, why women do things that one despises, and why +the proudest of them so often submit to absolute indignity. You remember +when Mrs. Arbuthnot and----" + +"Ah, don't!" cried Algitha, flushing. "_Nothing_ ought to induce a +woman to endure that." + +"H'm----I suspect the world that we know nothing about, Algitha, has +ways and means of applying the pressure such as you and I scarcely dream +of." Hadria spoke with half-closed eyes that seemed to see deep and far. +"I have read and heard things that have almost taken my breath away! I +feel as if I could _kill_ every man who acquiesces in the present +order of things. It is an insult to every woman alive!" + +In Hadria's room that night, Algitha finally decided to delay her going +for another six months, hoping by that time that her mother would have +grown used to the idea, and less opposed to it. Mr. Fullerton dismissed +it, as obviously absurd. But this high-handed treatment roused all the +determination that Algitha had inherited from her father. The six months +had to be extended, in order to procure funds. Algitha had a small +income of her own, left her by her godmother, Miss Fortescue. She put +aside this, for her purpose. Further delay, through Mrs. Trevelyan, +brought the season round again to autumn, before Algitha was able to +make her final preparations for departure. + +"Do try and reconcile them to the idea," she said to her sister, as they +stood on the platform of Ballochcoil station, very white and +wretched-looking. + +"It breaks my heart to see father look so fixed and angry, and mother so +miserable. I am not going away for ever. Dear me, a day's journey will +bring me back, at any time." + +"I'll do my best," said Hadria, "here's your train; what a clumsy +instrument of fate it does look!" + +There was not much time for farewells. In a few minutes the train was +steaming out of the station. A solitary figure stood on the platform, +watching the monster curving and diminishing along the line, with its +white smoke soaring merrily into the air, in great rolling masses, that +melted, as if by some incantation, from thick, snow-like whiteness to +rapid annihilation. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +As Hadria drove over the winding upland road back to her home, her +thoughts followed her sister into her new existence, and then turned +wistfully backwards to the days that had been marked off into the past +by Algitha's departure. How bright and eager and hopeful they had all +been, how full of enthusiasm and generous ambitions! Even as they talked +of battle, they stretched forth their hands for the crown of victory. + +At the last meeting of the Preposterous Society, Ernest had repeated a +poem of his favourite Emerson, called _Days_, and the poem, which +was familiar to Hadria, sounded in her memory, as the pony trotted merrily +along the well-known homeward way. + + "Daughters of Time, the hypocritic Days, + Muffled and dumb, like barefoot Dervishes, + And marching single in an endless file, + Bring diadems and faggots in their hands. + To each they offer gifts after his will, + Bread, kingdoms, stars, and sky that holds them all. + I, in my pleached garden, watched the pomp, + Forgot my morning wishes, hastily + Took a few herbs and apples, and the Day + Turned and departed silent. I, too late, + Under her solemn fillet saw the scorn." + +In spite of Hadria's memorable lecture of a year ago, it was still the +orthodox creed of the Society, that Circumstance is the handmaid of the +Will; that one can demand of one's days "bread, kingdoms, stars, or +sky," and that the Days will obediently produce the objects desired. If +one has but the spirit that can soar high enough to really be resolved +upon stars, or the ambition sufficiently vaulting to be determined on +kingdoms, then--so ran the dogma--stars and kingdoms would be +forthcoming, though obstacles were never so determined. No member except +Hadria had ever dreamt of insinuating that one might have a very +pronounced taste for stars and kingdoms--nay, a taste so dominant that +life would be worthless unless they were achieved--yet might be forced, +by the might of events, to forego them. Hadria's own heresy had been of +the head rather than of the heart. But to-day, feeling began to share +the scepticism of the intellect. + +What if one's stars and kingdoms lay on the further side of a crime or a +cruelty? + +What then was left but to gather up one's herbs and apples, and bear, as +best one might, the scorn of the unjust Days? + +Hadria cast about in her mind for a method of utilizing to the best +advantage possible, the means at her disposal: to force circumstance to +yield a harvest to her will. To be the family consolation meant no light +task, for Mrs. Fullerton was exacting by nature: she had given much, and +she expected much in return. Her logic was somewhat faulty, but that +could not be gracefully pointed out to her by her daughter. Having +allowed her own abilities to decay, Mrs. Fullerton had developed an +extraordinary power of interfering with the employment of the abilities +of others. Hadria had rather underrated than exaggerated this +difficulty. Her mother would keep her for hours, discussing a trivial +point of domestic business, giving elaborate directions about it, only +to do it herself in the end. She spent her whole life in trifles of this +kind, or over social matters. Everything was done cumbrously, with an +incredible amount of toil and consideration, and without any noticeable +results. Hadria, fighting against a multitude of harassing little +difficulties, struggled to turn the long winter months to some use. But +Mrs. Fullerton broke the good serviceable time into jagged fragments. + +"I really can't see," said the mother, when the daughter proposed to set +apart certain hours for household duties, and to have other portions of +the day to herself, "I really can't see why a girl's little occupations +should be treated with so much consideration. However, I have no wish +for grudging assistance." + +Hadria's temper was far indeed from perfect, and painful scenes often +occurred. But as a rule, she would afterwards be seized with a fit of +remorse, knowing that her mother was suffering bitterly from her keen +disappointment about Algitha. The failure of a life-long hope must try +the endurance of the bravest. Mrs. Fullerton, seeing that Hadria was +more patient, quickly took advantage of the favourable moment, with a +rapid instinct that had often done her good service in the management +of a niggard destiny. The valuable mood must not be allowed to die +fruitless. The elder girl's defection thus became, to the mother, a sort +of investment, bearing interest of docility in the younger. Because the +heartless Algitha had left home, it seemed to Mrs. Fullerton that the +very least that Hadria could do, was to carry out her mother's lightest +wish. + +And so the weeks went by, in dreary, troublous fashion, cut into a +hundred little barren segments. The mind had no space, or stretch, or +solitude. It was incessantly harassed, and its impetus was perpetually +checked. But Hadria hoped on. This could not last for ever. Some day, +doubtless, if she sank not in spirit, the stars and the kingdoms would +come. + +Meanwhile, the position of affairs was decidedly ridiculous. She was +here as the family consolation, and nobody seemed to be consoled! Her +efforts had been sincere and even enthusiastic, but the boys only +laughed at her, in this role, and nobody was apparently in the least +gratified (except those imps of boys!). + +For a long time, Mrs. Fullerton seemed to be oblivious of her daughter's +efforts, but one day, when they had been talking about Algitha, the +mother said: "Your father and I now look to you, Hadria. I do think that +you are beginning to feel a little what your duty is. If _you_ also +were to turn deserter in our old age, I think it would kill us." + +Hadria felt a thrill of horror. The network of Fate seemed to be fast +closing round her. The temporary was to become fixed. She must act all +her days according to the conviction of others, or her parents would die +of grief! + +When she went to the hills that afternoon, she felt as if she must walk +on and on into the dreamy distance, away from all these toils and +claims, away into the unknown world and never return. But, alas! the +night descended and return she must. These wild impulses could never be +followed. + +The day had been peculiarly harassing and cut up; some neighbours had +been to afternoon tea and tennis, and the sight of their faces and the +sound of their talk had caused, in Hadria, an unutterable depression. +The light, conventional phrases rang in her ears still, the expression +of the faces haunted her, and into her heart crept a chill that benumbed +every wish and hope and faith that she had ever cherished. + +She sat up late into the night. Since freedom and solitude could not be +had by day, the nights were often her sole opportunity. At such times +she would work out her musical ideas, which in the dead silence of the +house were brought forth plentifully. These, from her point of view, +were the fruitful hours of the twenty-four. Thoughts would throng the +darkness like swarms of living things. + +Hadria's mood found expression to-night in a singular and most +melancholy composition. She called it _Futility_. + +It was unlike anything that she had ever done before, and she felt that +it shewed an access of musical power. + +She dreamt an absurd dream: That she was herself one of those girls with +the high pattering accents, playing tennis without ceasing and with +apparent cheerfulness; talking just as they had talked, and about just +the same things; and all the time, a vast circle of shadowy forms stood +watching, beckoning, and exhorting and warning, and turning away, at +last, in sorrowful contempt, because she preferred to spend her youth +eternally in futilities. And then they all slowly drifted by with sad +eyes fixed on her, and she was still left playing, playing. And it +seemed as if whole weeks passed in that way, and she grew mortally +tired, but some power prevented her from resting. The evil spell held +her enthralled. Always cheerful, always polite and agreeable, she +continued her task, finding herself growing accustomed to it at last, +and duly resigned to the necessity, wearisome though it was. Then all +hope that the game would ever cease went away, and she played on, +mechanically, but always with that same polite cheerfulness, as of +afternoon calls. She would not for the world admit that she was tired. +But she was so tired that existence became a torture to her, and her +heart seemed about to break with the intolerable strain--when she woke +up with a start, and found herself lying in a constrained attitude, +half-choked by the bed-clothes. + +She did not see the comic side of the dream till next morning, when she +told it at breakfast for the benefit of the family. + +As Hadria was an ardent tennis-player, it struck her brethren as a +particularly inappropriate form of nightmare. + +Hadria, at this time, went frequently with her father on his farming +walks, as he liked to have one or more of the family with him. She +enjoyed these walks, for Mr. Fullerton would talk about philosophy and +science, often of the most abstruse and entrancing kind. His children +were devoted to him. During these expeditions, they always vied with one +another to ferret out the most absurd story to tell him, he being held +as conqueror who made their father laugh most heartily. Sometimes they +all went in a body, armed with wild stories; and occasionally, across +the open fields, a row of eccentric-looking figures might be seen, +struggling in the grip of hilarious paroxysms; Mr. Fullerton doubled up +in the middle of a turnip-field, perhaps, with his family in contortions +round him. The air of the hills seemed to run to their heads, like wine. +Roulades of laughter, hearty guffaws, might have been heard for +surprising distances, much to the astonishment of the sober labourers +bending over their toil. + +Ernest had to go back to college; Fred and Austin to school. The house +seemed very quiet and sad after the boys left, and Hadria missed her +sister more and more, as time went on. + +Algitha wrote most happily. + +"With all its drawbacks, this existence of hard work (yet not too hard) +suits me exactly. It uses up my energies; yet, in spite of the really +busy life I lead, I literally have more leisure than I used to have at +home, where all through the day, there was some little detail to be +attended to, some call to make, some convention to offer incense to, +some prejudice to respect. Here, once my day's work is over, it _is_ +over, and I have good solid hours of leisure. I feel that I have earned +those hours when they come; also that I have earned a right to my keep, +as Wilfrid Burton, the socialist, puts it somewhat crudely. When I go to +bed at night, I can say: 'Because of me, this day, heavy hearts have +been made a little lighter.' I hear all sorts of opinions, and see all +sorts of people. I never was so happy in my life." + +It was Hadria's habit still to take solitary rambles over the country. +A passionate lover of Nature, she found endless pleasure in its +ever-changing aspects. Yet of late, a new feeling had begun to mutter +angrily within her: a resentment against these familiar sights and +sounds, because they were the boundaries of her horizon. She hated the +line of the round breezy hills where the row of fir-trees stood against +the sky, because that was the edge of her world, and she wanted to see +what was beyond. She must and would see what was beyond, some day. Her +hope was always vague; for if she dared to wonder how the curtain of +life was to be lifted, she had to face the fact that there was no +reasonable prospect of such a lifting. Still, the utter horror of living +on always, in this fashion, seemed to prove it impossible. + +On one dim afternoon, when the sun was descending, Hadria's solitary +figure was noticed by a white-haired lady, presumably a tourist, who had +stopped to ask a question of some farm labourers, working in a field. +She ceased to listen to the information, on the subject of Dunaghee, +that was given to her in a broad Scottish dialect. The whole scene, +which an instant before had impressed her as one of beauty and peace, +suddenly focussed itself round the dark figure, and grew sinister in its +aspect. At that moment, nothing would have persuaded the onlooker that +the hastening figure was not hastening towards misfortune. + +A woman of impulse, she set off in purposeless pursuit. Hadria's pace +was very rapid; she was trying to outrun thought. It was impossible to +live without hope, yet hope, in this forlorn land, was growing faint +and tired. + +Her pursuer was a remarkable-looking woman, no longer young, with her +prematurely white hair drawn up from her brow with a proud sweep that +suited well her sharply defined features and her air of defiance. She +was carelessly dressed after the prevailing fashion, and gave the +impression of not having her life successfully in hand, but rather of +being driven by it, as by a blustering wind, against her inclination. + +The impression which had seized her, a moment ago, deepened as she went. +Something in the scene and the hastening figure roused a sense of dread. +With her, an impression was like a spark to gunpowder. Her imagination +blazed up. Life, in its most tragic aspect, seemed before her in the +lonely scene, with the lonely figure, moving, as if in pursuit of a lost +hope, towards the setting sun. + +If Hadria had not paused on the brow of the hill, it is unlikely that +she would have been overtaken, but that pause decided the matter. The +stranger seemed suddenly to hesitate, wondering, apparently, what she +had done this eccentric thing for. + +Hadria, feeling a presence behind her, turned nervously round and gave +a slight start. + +It was so rare to meet anybody on these lonely hills, that the +apparition of a striking-looking woman with white hair, dark eyes, and +a strange exalted sort of expression, gave a shock of surprise. + +As the lady had stopped short, Hadria supposed that she had lost her +way, and wished to make some enquiries. + +"Can I direct you, or give you any assistance?" she asked, after a +second's pause. + +"Oh, thank you, you are very kind. I have come over from Ballochcoil to +explore the country. I have been trying to find out the history of the +old houses of the district. Could you tell me, by the way, anything +about that house with the square tower at the end; I have been loitering +round it half the afternoon. And I would have given anything to know its +history, and what it is like inside." + +"Well, I can help you there, for that old house is my home. If you have +time to come with me now, I will show you all over it," said Hadria, +impulsively. + +"That is too tempting an offer. And yet I really don't like to intrude +in this way. I am a perfect stranger to you and--your parents I +suppose?" + +"They will be delighted," Hadria assured her new acquaintance, somewhat +imprudently. + +"Well, I can't resist the temptation," said the latter, and they walked +on together. + +Hadria related what she knew about the history of the house. Very scanty +records had survived. It had obviously been one of the old Scottish +strongholds, built in the lawless days when the country was plunged in +feuds and chieftains lived on plunder. A few traditions lingered about +it: among them that of a chief who had carried off, by force, the +daughter of his bitterest enemy, in revenge for some deed of treachery. +He had tortured her with insolent courtship, and then starved her to +death in a garret in the tower, while her father and his followers +assaulted its thick walls in vain. + +"The tradition is, that on stormy nights one can still hear the sound of +the attack, the shouts of the men and the father's imprecations." + +"A horrible story!" + +"When people say the world has not progressed, I always think of that +story, and remember that such crimes were common in those days," Hadria +remarked. + +"I doubt if we are really less ferocious to-day," the other said; "our +ferocity is directed against the weakest, now as then, but there are +happily not so many weak, so we get the credit of being juster, without +expense. As a matter of fact, our opportunities are less, and so we make +a virtue of necessity--with a vengeance!" + +Hadria looked at her companion with startled interest. "Will you tell me +to whom I have the pleasure of speaking?" the lady asked. + +"My name is Fullerton--Hadria Fullerton." + +"Thank you. And here is my card, at least I think it is. Oh, no, that is +a friend's card! How very tiresome! I am reduced to pronouncing my own +name--Miss Du Prel, Valeria Du Prel; you may know it." + +Hadria came to a sudden standstill. She might know it! she might indeed. +Valeria Du Prel had long been to her a name to swear by. + +"Miss Du Prel! Is that--are you--may I ask, are you the writer of those +wonderful books?" + +Miss Du Prel gave a gratified smile. "I am glad they please you." + +"Ah! if you could guess how I have longed to know you. I simply can't +believe it." + +"And so my work has really given you pleasure?" + +"Pleasure! It has given me hope, it has given me courage, it has given +me faith in all that is worth living for. It was an epoch in my life +when I first read your _Parthenia_." + +Miss Du Prel seemed so genuinely pleased by this enthusiasm that Hadria +was surprised. + +"I have plenty of compliments, but very seldom a word that makes me +feel that I have spoken to the heart. I feel as if I had called in the +darkness and had no response, or like one who has cried from the +house-tops to a city of the dead." + +"And I so often thought of writing to you, but did not like to intrude," +cried Hadria. + +"Ah! if you only _had_ written to me!" Miss Du Prel exclaimed. + +Hadria gazed incredulously at the familiar scene, as they approached the +back of the house, with its round tower and its confusion of picturesque, +lichen-covered roofs. An irregular circle of stately trees stood as +sentinels round the stronghold. + +After all, something did happen, once in a while, in this remote corner +of the universe, whose name, Hadria used to think, had been erased from +the book of Destiny. She was perhaps vaguely disappointed to find that +the author of _Parthenia_ wore ordinary human serge, and a cape cut +after the fashion of any other person's cape. Still, she had no idea +what supersensuous material she could reasonably have demanded of her +heroine (unless it were the mythic "bombazine" that Ernest used to talk +about, in his ignorant efforts to describe female apparel), or what +transcendental form of cape would have satisfied her imagination. + +"You have a lovely home," said Valeria Du Prel, "you must be very happy +here." + +"Would you be happy here?" + +"Well, of course that would depend. I am, I fear, too roving by nature +to care to stay long in one place. Still I envy girls their home-life in +the country; it is so healthy and free." + +Hadria, without answering, led her companion round the flank of the +tower, and up to the front door. It was situated in the angle of the +wings, a sheltered nook, hospitably careful of the guest, whom the winds +of the uplands were disposed to treat but roughly. + +Hadria and her companion entered a little panelled hall, whence a flight +of broad stairs with stout wooden balusters, of quaint design, led to +the first floor. + +The visitor was charmed with the quiet old rooms, especially with +Hadria's bedroom in the tower, whose windows were so deep-set that they +had to be approached through a little tunnel cut out of the thickness of +the wall. The windows looked on to the orchard at the back, and in +front over the hills. Miss Du Prel was taken to see the scene of the +tragedy, and the meeting-room of the Preposterous Society. + +"You must see the drawing-room," said Hadria. + +She opened a door as she spoke, and ushered her visitor into a large, +finely-proportioned room with three tall windows of stately form, +divided into oblong panes, against which vagrant sprays of ivy were +gently tapping. + +This room was also panelled with painted wood; its character was quiet +and stately and reposeful. Yet one felt that many human lives had been +lived in it. It was full of the sentiment of the past, from the old +prints and portraits on the walls, to the delicate outlines of the +wooden mantel-piece, with its finely wrought urns and garlands. + +Before this mantel-piece, with the firelight flickering in her face, sat +Mrs. Fullerton, working at a large piece of embroidery. + +For the first time, Hadria hesitated. "Mother," she said, "this is Miss +Du Prel. We met out on the hills this afternoon, and I have brought her +home to see the house, which she admires very much." + +Mrs. Fullerton had looked up in astonishment, at this incursion into her +very sanctuary, of a stranger met at haphazard on the hills. Hadria +wheeled up an easy-chair for the visitor. + +"I fear Miss Du Prel will not find much to see in the old house," said +Mrs. Fullerton, whose manner had grown rigid, partly because she was +shy, partly because she was annoyed with Hadria for her impulsive +conduct, and largely because she disliked the idea of a literary +acquaintance for her daughter, who was quite extraordinary enough as it +was. + +"We have been all over the house," said Hadria hastily, with an anxious +glance at Miss Du Prel, whom she half expected to rise and walk out of +the room. It must surely be the first time in her life that her presence +had not been received as an honour! + +"It is all very old and shabby," said Mrs. Fullerton. "I hope you will +take some tea; if you have walked far to-day, you must be cold and in +need of something to eat." + +"Oh no, no, thank you," returned the visitor; "I ought to be getting +back to Ballochcoil to-night." + +"To Ballochcoil!" exclaimed mother and daughter in simultaneous dismay. +"But it is nearly seven miles off, and the sun is down. You can't get +back to-night on foot." + +"Dear me, can I not? I suppose I forgot all about getting back, in the +interest of the scenery." + +"What an extraordinary person!" thought Mrs. Fullerton. + +Miss Du Prel glanced helplessly at Hadria; rising then and looking out +of the window at the dusk, which had come on so rapidly. "Dear me, how +dark it has grown! Still I think I can walk it, or perhaps I can get a +fly at some inn on the way." + +"Can we offer you a carriage?" asked Mrs. Fullerton. + +"Oh no, thank you; that is quite unnecessary. I have already intruded +far too long; I shall wend my way back, or what might perhaps be better, +I could get a lodging at the farmhouse down the road. I am told that +they put travellers up sometimes." + +Miss Du Prel hurried off, evidently chilled by Mrs. Fullerton's freezing +courtesy. Hadria, disregarding her mother's glance of admonition, +accompanied the visitor to the farm of Craw Gill, having first given +directions to old Maggie to put together a few things that Miss Du Prel +would require for the night. Hadria's popularity at the farm, secured +her new friend a welcome. Mrs. McEwen was a fine example of the best +type of Scottish character; warm of heart, honest of purpose, and full +of a certain unconscious poetry, and a dignity that lingers still in +districts where the railway whistle is not too often heard. Miss Du Prel +seemed to nestle up to the good woman, as a child to its mother after +some scaring adventure. Mrs. McEwen was recommending a hot water-bottle +and gruel in case of a chill, when Hadria wended her way homeward to +brave her mother's wrath. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +"I cannot make you realize that you are an ignorant girl who knows +nothing of the world, and that it is necessary you should accept my +experience, and condescend to be guided by my wishes. You put me in a +most unpleasant position this afternoon, forcing me to receive a person +whom I have never been introduced to, or heard of----" + +"Valeria Du Prel has been heard of throughout the English-speaking +world," said Hadria rhetorically. + +"So much the worse," retorted Mrs. Fullerton. "No nicely brought up +woman is ever heard of outside her own circle." + +Hadria recalled a similar sentiment among the ancient Greeks, and +thought how hard an old idea dies. + +"She might have been some awful person, some unprincipled adventuress, +and that I believe is what she is. What was she prowling about the back +of our house for, I should like to know?" + +"I suspect she wanted to steal chickens or something," Hadria was goaded +into suggesting, and the interview ended painfully. + +When Hadria went to Craw Gill, next morning, to enquire for Miss Du +Prel, Mrs. McEwen said that the visitor had breakfasted in bed. The +farmer's wife also informed Miss Fullerton that the lady had decided to +stay on at Craw Gill, for some time. She had been looking out for a +retreat of the kind. + +"She seems a nice-like body," said Mrs. McEwen, "and I see no objection +to the arrangement." + +Hadria's heart beat faster. Could it be possible that Valeria du Prel +was to be a near neighbour? It seemed too good to be true! + +When Miss Du Prel came down in her walking garments, she greeted Hadria +with a certain absence of mind, which smote chill upon the girl's +eagerness. + +"I wanted to know if you were comfortable, if I could do anything for +you." Miss Du Prel woke up. + +"Oh no, thank you; you are very kind. I am most comfortable--at +least--it is very strange, but I have lost my keys and my umbrella and +my handbag--I can't think what I can have done with them. Oh, and my +purse is gone too!" + +Whereupon Mrs. McEwen in dismay, Mr. McEwen (who then appeared), the +maid, and Hadria, hunted high and low for the missing properties, which +were brought to light, one by one, in places where their owner had +already "thoroughly searched," and about which she had long since +abandoned hope. + +She received them with mingled joy and amazement, and having responded +to Mrs. McEwen's questions as to what she would like for dinner, she +proposed to Hadria that they should take a walk together. + +Hadria beamed. Miss Du Prel seemed both amused and gratified by her +companion's worship, and the talk ran on, in a light and pleasant vein, +differing from the talk of the ordinary mortal, Hadria considered, as +champagne differs from ditch-water. + +In recording it for Algitha's benefit that evening, Hadria found that +she could not reproduce the exhilarating quality, or describe the +influence of Miss Du Prel's personality. It was as if, literally, a +private and particular atmosphere had encompassed her. She was "alive +all round," as her disciple asserted. + +Her love of Nature was intense. Hadria had never before realized that +she had been without full sympathy in this direction. She awoke to a +strange retrospective sense of solitude, feeling a new pity for the +eager little child of years ago, who had wandered up to the garret, late +at night, to watch the moonlight spread its white shroud over the hills. + +With every moment spent in the society of Valeria Du Prel, new and +clearer light seemed to Hadria, to be thrown upon all the problems of +existence; not by any means only through what Miss Du Prel directly +said, but by what she implied, by what she took for granted, by what she +omitted to say. + +"It seems like a home-coming from long exile," Hadria wrote to her +sister. "I have been looking through a sort of mist, or as one looks at +one's surroundings before quite waking. Now everything stands out sharp +and cut, as objects do in the clear air of the South. Ah me, the South! +Miss Du Prel has spent much of her life there, and my inborn smouldering +passion for it, is set flaming by her descriptions! You remember that +brief little fortnight that we spent with mother and father in Italy? I +seem now to be again under the spell of the languorous airs, the +cloudless blue, the white palaces, the grey olive groves, and the art, +the art! Oh, Algitha, I must go to the South soon, soon, or I shall die +of home sickness! Miss Du Prel says that this is only one side of me +breaking out: that I am northern at heart. I think it is true, but +meanwhile the thought of the South possesses me. I confess I think +mother had some cause to be alarmed when she saw Miss Du Prel, if she +wants to keep us in a chastened mood, at home. It seems as if all of me +were in high carnival. Life is raised to a higher power. I feel nearly +omnipotent. Epics and operas are child's play to me! It is true I have +produced comparatively few; but, oh, those that are to come! I feel fit +for anything, from pitch-and-toss to manslaughter. I think of the two, I +rather lean to the manslaughter. Oh, I don't mean it in the facetious +sense! that would be a terrible downfall from my present altitudes. To +such devices the usual wretched girl, who has never drawn rebellious +breath, or listened to the discourses of Valeria Du Prel, has to turn +for a living, or to keep _ennui_ at bay. But _I_, no, the inimical +sex may possess their souls in peace, as far as I am concerned. They might +retort that they never _had_ felt nervous, but a letter has the same +advantage as the pulpit: the adversary can never get up and contradict. + +"That ridiculous adversary, Harold Wilkins, is staying again at +Drumgarren, and I hear from Mrs. Gordon that he thinks it very strange +that I should see so much of so extraordinary a person as Miss Du Prel! +Opinions differ of course; _I_ think it very strange that the Gordons +should see so much of so ordinary a person as Mr. Wilkins. Everybody +makes much of him here, and, alas! all the girls run after him, and even +fall in love with him; why, I can't conceive. For if driven by dire +compulsion of fate, to bend one's thoughts upon _some_ prosaic example +of that prosaic sex, why not choose one of the many far more attractive +candidates available--the Gordons, the McKenzies, and so forth? When I +go to tennis parties with mother--they are still playing upon the +asphalte courts--and see the little dramas that go on, the jealousies +and excitements, and general much-ado-about-nothing, I can scarcely +believe that Miss Du Prel really belongs to the same planet as ours. But +I don't feel so contemptuous as I did; it is so pitiful. Out of my great +wealth I can afford to be more generous. + +"And when I see those wretched girls fluttering round Mr. Wilkins, I no +longer turn up my 'aughty nose' (as old Mrs. Brooks used to say). I only +think to myself, 'Heavens and earth! what an aching, empty life those +young women must lead, if they are actually reduced for interest and +amusement to the utterances of Mr. Wilkins!' They would have the pull of +one though, if the utterances of Mr. Wilkins were the only utterances to +be heard! Perish the thought of such beggary!" + +The talks with Valeria Du Prel grew more intimate, and more deeply +interesting to Hadria, every day. + +Miss Du Prel used often to look at her companion in amazement. "Where +_did_ you come from?" she exclaimed on one occasion. "One would suppose +you had lived several lives; you seem to _know_ things in such a subtle, +intimate fashion!" + +She used to ponder over the problem, wondering what Professor Fortescue +would say to it. There appeared to be more here than mere heredity could +account for. But science had never solved this problem; originality +seemed always to enter upon its career, uncaused and unaccountable. It +was ever a miraculous phenomenon. The Professor had always said so. +Still the heritage was rich enough, in this case. Heredity might have +some discoverable part in the apparent marvel. Each member of the +Fullerton family had unusual ability of some kind. Their knowledge of +science, and their familiarity with the problems of philosophy, had +often astonished Miss Du Prel. Hadria's accounts of the Preposterous +Society made her laugh and exclaim at the same moment. She gave an +envious sigh at the picture of the eager little group, with their warmth +of affection for one another, and their vivid interests. Miss Du Prel, +with all her sadness, was youthful in spirit. Hadria found her far +younger than many girls of her own age. This set her thinking. She +observed how rigid most people become in a few years, and how the +personality grows wooden, in the daily repetition of the same actions +and the same ideas. This stiffening process had been attributed to the +malice of Time; but now Hadria began to believe that narrow and +ungenerous thought lay at the root of the calamity. The entire life of +the little world in which she had grown up, on all its sides, in all its +ideals and sentiments, stood before her, as if some great painter had +made a picture of it. She had never before been able to stand so +completely apart from the surroundings of her childhood. And she was +able to do so now, not because Miss Du Prel discoursed about it, but +because Hadria's point of view had shifted sympathetically to the point +of view of her companion, through the instinctive desire to see how +these familiar things would look to alien eyes. That which had seemed +merely prosaic and dreary, became characteristic; the very things which +she had taken most for granted were exactly those which turned out to be +the significant and idiomatic facts. + +These had made permanent inroads into the mind and character. It was +with these that Hadria would have to reckon all her days, under whatever +conditions she might hereafter be placed. Daily surroundings were not +merely pleasant or unpleasant facts, otherwise of no importance; they +were the very material and substance of character; the push and impetus, +or the let and hindrance; the guardians or the assassins of the soul. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +Miss Du Prel had promised to allow Hadria to drive her to Darachanarvan, +a little town on the banks of the river, about seven miles across +country. + +Hadria was in high spirits, as they trundled along the white roads with +the wind in their faces, the hills and the blue sky spread out before +them, the pleasant sound of the wheels and the trotting of the pony +setting their thoughts to rhythm. + +The trees were all shedding their last yellow leaves, and the air was +full of those faded memories of better days, whirling in wild companies +across the road, rushing upward on the breast of some vagabond gust, +drifting, spinning, shuddering along the roadside, to lie there at last, +quiet, among a host of brothers, with little passing tremors, as if +(said Valeria) they were silently sobbing because of their banishment +from their kingdom of the air. + +Miss Du Prel, though she enjoyed the beauty of the day and the scenery, +seemed sad of mood. "This weather recalls so many autumns," she said. +"It reminds me too vividly of wonderful days, whose like I shall never +see again, and friends, many of whom are dead, and many lost sight of in +this inexorable coming and going of people and things, this inexorable +change that goes on for ever. I feel as if I should go mad at times, +because it will not stop, either in myself or others." + +"Ah, that is a dreadful thought!" + +"It comes to me so insistently, perhaps, because of my roving life," she +said. + +She paused for a moment, and then she fell into one of her exalted +moods, when she seemed to lose consciousness of the ordinary conditions +around her, or rather to pierce deeper into their significance and +beauty. Her speech would, at such times, become rhythmic and +picturesque; she evidently saw vivid images before her, in which her +ideas embodied themselves. + +"Most people who live always in one place see the changes creeping on so +gradually that they scarcely feel them, but with me this universal flux +displays itself pitilessly, I cannot escape. Go where I will, there is +something to measure the changes by. A shoal of yellow leaves whispers +to me of seasons long ago, and the old past days, with their own +intimate character that nothing ever repeats, flash before me again with +the vividness of yesterday; and a flight of birds--ah! if I could +express what they recall! The dead years pass again in a great +procession, a motley company--some like emperors, crowned and richly +dowered, with the sound of trumpets and the tramping of many obsequious +feet; and others like beggars, despoiled and hungry, trudging along a +dusty high road, or like grey pilgrims bound, with bleeding feet, for a +far-off shrine." + +They entered a little beech-wood, whose leaves made a light of their +own, strange and mystical. + +"Yours must have been a wonderful life!" said Hadria. + +"Yes, I have seen and felt many things," answered Miss Du Prel, stirred +by the intoxication of the motion and the wind and the sunlight, "life +has been to me a series of intense emotions, as it will be to you, I +fear----" + +"You fear?" said Hadria. + +"Yes; for that means suffering. If you feel, you are at the mercy of all +things. Every wind that blows uses you as an AEolian harp." + +"That must be charming, at least for those who live in your +neighbourhood," said Hadria. + +"No; for often the harp rings false. Its strings get loosened; one hangs +slack and jars, and where then is your harmony?" + +"One would run the risk of many things rather than let one's strings lie +dumb," said Hadria. + +"What a dangerous temperament you have!" cried Valeria, looking round at +the glowing face beside her. + +"I must take my risks," said Hadria. + +"I doubt if you know what risks there are." + +"Then I must find out," she answered. + +"One plays with fire so recklessly before one has been burnt." + +Hadria was silent. The words sounded ominous. + +"Will can do so much," she said at length. "Do you believe in the power +of the human will to break the back of circumstance?" + +"Oh, yes; but the effort expended in breaking its back sometimes leaves +one prone, with a victory that arrives ironically too late. However I +don't wish to discourage you. There is no doubt that human will has +triumphed over everything--but death." + +Again the sound of the pony's hoofs sounded through the silence, in a +cheerful trot upon the white roads. They were traversing an open, breezy +country, chequered with wooded hollows, where generally a village sought +shelter from the winds. And these patches of foliage were golden and red +in the meditative autumn sunshine, which seemed as if it were a little +sad at the thought of parting with the old earth for the coming winter. + +"I think the impossible lesson to learn would be renouncement," said +Hadria. "I cannot conceive how anyone could say to himself, while he had +longings and life still in him, 'I will give up this that I might have +learnt; I will stop short here where I might press forward; I will allow +this or that to curtail me and rob me of my possible experience.'" + +"Well, I confess that has been my feeling too, though I admire the +spirit that can renounce." + +"Admire? Oh, yes, perhaps; though I am not so sure that the submissive +nature has not been too much glorified--in theory. Nobody pays much +attention to it in practice, by the way." + +Miss Du Prel laughed. "What an observant young woman you are." + +"Renunciation is always preached to girls, you know," said +Hadria--"preached to them when as yet they have nothing more than a +rattle and a rag-doll to renounce. And later, when they set about the +business of their life, and resign their liberty, their talents, their +health, their opportunity, their beauty (if they have it), then people +gradually fall away from the despoiled and obedient being, and flock +round the still unchastened creature who retains what the gods have +given her, and asks for more." + +"I fear you are indeed a still unchastened creature!" + +"Certainly; there is no encouragement to chasten oneself. People don't +stand by the docile members of Society. They commend their saints, but +they drink to their sinners." + +Miss Du Prel smiled. + +"It is true," she admitted. "A woman must not renounce too much if she +desires to retain her influence." + +"_Pas trop de zele_," Hadria quoted. + +"There is something truly unmanageable about you, my dear!" cried +Valeria, much amused. "Well, I too have had just that sort of instinct, +just that imperious demand, just that impatience of restraint. I too +regarded myself and my powers as mine to use as I would, responsible +only to my own conscience. I decided to have freedom though the heavens +should fall. I was unfitted by temperament to face the world, but I was +equally unfitted to pay the price for protection--the blackmail that +society levies on a woman: surrender of body and of soul. What could one +expect, in such a case, but disaster? I often envy now the simple-minded +woman who pays her price and has her reward--such as it is." + +"Ah! such as it is!" echoed Hadria. + +"Who was it said, the other day, that she thought a wise woman always +took things as they were, and made the best of them?" + +"Some dull spirit." + +"And yet a practical spirit." + +"I am quite sure," said Hadria, "that the stokers of hell are practical +spirits." + +"Your mother must have had her work cut out for her when she undertook +to bring you up," exclaimed Miss Du Prel. + +"So she always insinuates," replied Hadria demurely. + +They were spinning down hill now, into a warm bit of country watered by +the river, and Hadria drew rein. The spot was so pleasant that they +alighted, tied the pony to a tree, and wandered over the grass to the +river's edge. Hadria picked her way from stone to slippery stone, into +the middle of the river, where there was comparatively safe standing +room. Here she was suddenly inspired to execute the steps of a reel, +while Valeria stood dismayed on the bank, expecting every moment, to see +the dance end in the realms of the trout. + +But Hadria kept her footing, and continued to step it with much +solemnity. Meanwhile, two young men on horseback were coming down the +road; but as a group of trees hid it from the river at this point, they +were not noticed. The horsemen stopped suddenly when they cleared the +group of trees. The figure of a young woman in mid-stream, dancing a +reel with extreme energy and correctness, and without a smile, was +sufficiently surprising to arrest them. + +"As I thought," exclaimed Hadria, "it is Harold Wilkins!" + +"I shall be glad to see this conquering hero," said Valeria. + +Hadria, who had known the young man since her childhood, waited calmly +as he turned his horse's head towards the river, and advanced across the +grass, raising his hat. "Good morning, Miss Fullerton." + +"Good morning," Hadria returned, from her rock. + +"You seem to be having rather an agreeable time of it." + +"Very. Are you fond of dancing?" + +Mr. Wilkins was noted, far and wide, for his dancing, and the question +was wounding. + +He was tall and loosely built, with brown expressionless eyes, dark +hair, a pink complexion, shelving forehead, and a weak yet obstinate +mouth. His companion also was tall and dark, but his face was pale, his +forehead broad and high, and a black moustache covered his upper lip. He +had raised his hat gracefully on finding that the dancer in mid-stream +was an acquaintance of his companion, and he shewed great +self-possession in appearing to regard the dancing of reels in these +circumstances, as an incident that might naturally be expected. Not a +sign of surprise betrayed itself in the face, not even a glimmer of +curiosity. Hadria was so tickled by this finished behaviour under +difficulties, that she took her cue from it, and decided to treat the +matter in the same polished spirit. She too would take it all decorously +for granted. + +Mr. Wilkins introduced his friend: Mr. Hubert Temperley. Hadria bowed +gracefully in reply to Mr. Temperley's salute. + +"Don't you feel a little cramped out there?" asked Mr. Wilkins. + +"Dear me, no," cried Hadria in mock surprise. "What could induce you to +suppose I would come out here if I felt cramped?" + +"Are you--are you thinking of coming on shore? Can I help you?" + +"Thank you," replied Hadria. "This is a merely temporary resting-place. +We ought to be getting on; we have some miles yet to drive," and she +hurried her friend away. They were conducted to the pony-cart by the +cavaliers, who raised their hats, as the ladies drove off at a merry +pace, bowing their farewells. + +"The eternal riddle!" Temperley exclaimed, as they turned the corner of +the road. + +"What is the eternal riddle?" Harold Wilkins enquired. + +"Woman, woman!" Temperley replied, a little impatiently. He had not +found young Wilkins quick to catch his meaning during the two hours' +ride, and it occurred to him that Miss Fullerton would have been a more +interesting companion. + +He made a good many enquiries about her and her family, on the way back +to Drumgarren. + +"We are invited to tennis at their house, for next Tuesday," said Harold, +"so you will have a chance of pursuing the acquaintance. For my part, I +don't admire that sort of girl." + +"Don't you? I am attracted by originality. I like a woman to have +something in her." + +"Depends on what it is. I hate a girl to have a lot of silly ideas." + +"Perhaps you prefer her to have but one," said Temperley, "that one +being that Mr. Harold Wilkins is a charming fellow." + +"Nothing of the kind," cried Harold. "I can't help it if girls run after +me; it's a great bore." + +Temperley laughed. "You, like Achilles, are pursued by ten thousand +girls. I deeply sympathize, though it is not an inconvenience that has +troubled me, even in my palmiest days." + +"Why, how old are you? Surely you are not going to talk as if those days +were over?" + +"Oh, I am moderately palmy still!" Temperley admitted. "Still, the hour +approaches when the assaults of time will become more disastrous." + +"You and Hadria Fullerton ought to get on well together, for she is very +musical," said Harold Wilkins. + +"Ah!" cried Temperley with new interest. "I could have almost told that +from her face. Does she play well?" + +"Well, I suppose so. She plays things without any tune that bore one to +death, but I daresay you would admire it. She composes too, I am told." + +"Really? Dear me, I must make a point of having a talk with her, on the +earliest opportunity." + +Meanwhile, the occupants of the pony-cart had arrived at Darachanarvan, +where they were to put up the pony and have luncheon. It was a prosaic +little Scottish town, with only a beautiful survival, here and there, +from the past. + +After luncheon, they wandered down to the banks of the river, and +watched the trout and the running water. Hadria had long been wishing +to find out what her oracle thought about certain burning questions on +which the sisters held such strong, and such unpopular sentiments, but +just because the feeling was so keen, it was difficult to broach the +subject. + +An opportunity came when Miss Du Prel spoke of her past. Hadria was able +to read between the lines. When a mere girl, Miss Du Prel had been +thrown on the world--brilliant, handsome, impulsive, generous--to pass +through a fiery ordeal, and to emerge with aspirations as high as ever, +but with her radiant hopes burnt out. But she did not dwell on this side +of the picture; she emphasized rather, the possibility of holding on +through storm and stress to the truth that is born in one; to belief in +"the noblest and wildest hopes (if you like to call them so) that ever +thrilled generous hearts." + +But she gave no encouragement to certain of her companion's most +vehement sentiments. She seemed to yearn for exactly that side of life +from which the younger shrank with so much horror. She saw it under an +entirely different aspect. Hadria felt thrown back on herself, lonely +once more. + +"You have seen Mrs. Gordon," she said at length, "what do you think of +her?" + +"Nothing; she does not inspire thought." + +"Yet once she was a person, not a thing." + +"If a woman can't keep her head above water in Mrs. Gordon's position, +she must be a feeble sort of person." + +"I should not dare to say that, until I had been put through the mill +myself, and come out unpulverised." + +Miss Du Prel failed to see what there was so very dreadful in Mrs. +Gordon's lot. She had, perhaps, rather more children than was necessary, +but otherwise---- + +"Oh, Miss Du Prel," cried Hadria, "you might be a mere man! That is just +what my brothers say." + +"I don't understand what you mean," said Miss Du Prel. "Do explain." + +"Do you actually--_you_ of all people--not recognize and hate the idea +that lies so obviously at the root of all the life that is swarming +round us----?" + +Valeria studied her companion's excited face. + +"Are you in revolt against the very basis of existence?" she asked +curiously. + +"No: at least ... but this is not what I am driving at exactly," replied +Hadria, turning uneasily away from the close scrutiny. "Don't you +know--oh, don't you see--how many women secretly hate, and shrink from +this brutal domestic idea that fashions their fate for them?" + +Miss Du Prel's interest quickened. + +"Nothing strikes me so much as the tamely acquiescent spirit of the +average woman, and I doubt if you would find another woman in England +to describe the domestic existence as you do." + +"Perhaps not; tradition prevents them from using bad language, but they +_feel_, they _feel_." + +"Young girls perhaps, brought up very ignorantly, find life a little +scaring at first, but they soon settle down into happy wives and +mothers." + +"As the fibre grows coarser," assented Hadria. + +"No; as the affections awaken, and the instincts that hold society +together, come into play. I have revolted myself from the conditions of +life, but it is a hopeless business--beating one's wings against the +bars." + +"The bars are, half of them, of human construction," said Hadria, "and +against _those_ one may surely be allowed to beat." + +"Of human construction?" + +"I mean that prejudice, rather than instinct, has built up the system +that Mrs. Gordon so amiably represents." + +"Prejudice has perhaps taken advantage of instinct to establish a +somewhat tyrannical tradition," Miss Du Prel admitted, "but instinct is +at the bottom of it. There is, of course, in our society, no latitude +for variety of type; that is the fault of so many institutions." + +"The ordinary domestic idea may have been suitable when women were +emerging from the condition of simple animals," said Hadria, "but now it +seems to me to be out of date." + +"It can never be entirely out of date, dear Hadria. Nature has asked of +women a great and hard service, but she has given them the maternal +instinct and its joys, in compensation for the burden of this task, +which would otherwise be intolerable and impossible. It can only be +undertaken at the instigation of some stupendous impetus, that blinds +the victim to the nature of her mission. It must be a sort of obsession; +an intense personal instinct, amounting to madness. Nature, being +determined to be well served in this direction, has supplied the +necessary monomania, and the domestic idea, as you call it, grows up +round this central fact." + +Hadria moved restlessly to and fro by the river bank. "One presumes to +look upon oneself, at first--in one's earliest youth," she said, "as +undoubtedly human, with human needs and rights and dignities. But this +turns out to be an illusion. It is as an _animal_ that one has to play +the really important part in life; it is by submitting to the demands of +society, in this respect, that one wins rewards and commendation. Of +course, if one likes to throw in a few ornamental extras, so much the +better; it keeps up appearances and the aspect of refined sentiment--but +the main point----" + +"You _are_ extravagant!" cried Miss Du Prel. "That is not the right way +to look at it." + +"It is certainly not the convenient way to look at it. It is doubtless +wise to weave as many garlands as you can, to deck yourself for the +sacrifice. By that means, you don't quite see which way you are going, +because of the masses of elegant vegetation." + +"Ah! Hadria, you exaggerate, you distort; you forget so many +things--the sentiments, the affections, the thousand details that hallow +that crude foundation which you see only bare and unsoftened." + +"A repulsive object tastefully decorated, is to me only the more +repulsive," returned Hadria, with suppressed passion. + +"There will come a day when you will feel very differently," prophesied +Miss Du Prel. + +"Perhaps. Why should I, more than the others, remain uninfluenced by the +usual processes of blunting, and grinding down, and stupefying, till one +grows accustomed to one's function, one's _intolerable_ function?" + +"My dear, my dear!" + +"I am sorry if I shock you, but that is how I feel. I have seen this +sort of traditional existence and nothing else, all my life, and I have +been brought up to it, with the rest--prepared and decked out like some +animal for market--all in the most refined and graceful manner possible; +but how can one help seeing through the disguise; how can one be blind +to the real nature of the transaction, and to the fate that awaits +one--awaits one as inexorably as death, unless by some force of one's +own, with all the world--friends and enemies--in opposition, one can +avert it?" + +Miss Du Prel remained silent. + +"You _can_ avert it," she said at last; "but at what cost?" + +"Miss Du Prel, I would rather sweep a crossing, I would rather beg in +the streets, than submit to the indignity of such a life!" + +"Then what do you intend to do instead?" + +"Ah! there's the difficulty. What _can_ one do instead, without breaking +somebody's heart? Nothing, except breaking one's own. And even putting +that difficulty aside, it seems as if everyone's hand were against a +woman who refuses the path that has been marked out for her." + +"No, no, it is not so bad as that. There are many openings now for +women." + +"But," said Hadria, "as far as I can gather, ordinary ability is not +sufficient to enable them to make a scanty living. The talent that would +take a man to the top of the tree is required to keep a woman in a +meagre supply of bread and butter." + +"Allowing for exaggeration, that is more or less the case," Miss Du Prel +admitted. + +"I have revolted against the common lot," she went on after a pause, +"and you see what comes of it; I am alone in the world. One does not +think of that when one is quite young." + +"Would you rather be in Mrs. Gordon's position than in your own?" + +"I doubt not that she is happier." + +"But would you change with her, surrendering all that she has +surrendered?" + +"Yes, if I were of her temperament." + +"Ah! you always evade the question. Remaining yourself, would you change +with her?" + +"I would never have allowed my life to grow like hers." + +"No," said Hadria, laughing, "you would probably have run away or killed +yourself or somebody, long before this." + +Miss Du Prel could not honestly deny this possibility. After a pause she +said: + +"A woman cannot afford to despise the dictates of Nature. She may escape +certain troubles in that way; but Nature is not to be cheated, she makes +her victim pay her debt in another fashion. There is no escape. The +centuries are behind one, with all their weight of heredity and habit; +the order of society adds its pressure--one's own emotional needs. Ah, +no! it does not answer to pit oneself against one's race, to bid +defiance to the fundamental laws of life." + +"Such then are the alternatives," said Hadria, moving close to the +river's brink, and casting two big stones into the current. "There stand +the devil and the deep sea." + +"You are too young to have come to that sad conclusion," said Miss Du +Prel. + +"But I haven't," cried Hadria. "I still believe in revolt." + +The other shook her head. + +"And what about love? Are you going through life without the one thing +that makes it bearable?" + +"I would not purchase it at such a cost. If I can't have it without +despoiling myself of everything that is worth possessing, I prefer to go +without." + +"You don't know what you say!" exclaimed Miss Du Prel. + +"But why? Love would be ruined and desecrated. I understand by it a +sympathy so perfect, and a reverence so complete, that the conditions of +ordinary domestic existence would be impossible, unthinkable, in +connection with it." + +"So do I understand love. But it comes, perhaps, once in a century, and +if one is too fastidious, it passes by and leaves one forlorn; at best, +it comes only to open the gates of Paradise, for a moment, and to close +them again, and leave one in outer darkness." + +"Always?" + +"I believe always," answered Miss Du Prel. + +The running of the river sounded peacefully in the pause that followed. + +"Well," cried Hadria at length, raising her head with a long sigh, "one +cannot do better than follow one's own instinct and thought of the +moment. Regret may come, do what one may. One cannot escape from one's +own temperament." + +"One can modify it." + +"I cannot even wish to modify mine, so that I should become amenable to +these social demands. I stand in hopeless opposition to the scheme of +life that I have grown up amongst, to the universal scheme of life +indeed, as understood by the world up to this day. Audacious, is it +not?" + +"I like audacity," returned Miss Du Prel. "As I understand you, you +require an altogether new dispensation!" + +Hadria gave a half smile, conscious of her stupendous demand. Then she +said, with a peculiar movement of the head, as if throwing off a heavy +weight, and looking before her steadily: "Yes, I require a new +dispensation." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +Hubert Temperley made a point of going to the tennis-party, on Tuesday, +at Dunaghee, in order to talk to Miss Fullerton. He had not expected to +find original musical talent in this out-of-the-way place. + +Hadria was in a happy mood, for her mother had so far overcome her +prejudice against Miss Du Prel, as to ask her to join the party. + +The festivity had, therefore, lost its usual quality of melancholy. + +It was a warm afternoon, and every one seemed cheerful "and almost +intelligent," Hadria commented. The first words that Mr. Temperley +uttered, made her turn to him, in surprise. She was so unaccustomed to +be interested in what the people about here had to say. Even intelligent +visitors usually adopted the tone of the inhabitants. Hubert Temperley's +manner was very polished. His accent denoted mental cultivation. He +spoke with eloquence of literature, and praised enthusiastically most +great names dating securely from the hallowed past. Of modern literature +he was a stern critic; of music he spoke with ardour. + +"I hear that you not only perform but compose, Miss Fullerton," he said. +"As soon as I heard that, I felt that I must make your acquaintance. My +friends, the Gordons, are very charming, but they don't understand a +note of music, and I am badly off for a kindred spirit." + +"My composing is a very mild affair," Hadria answered. "I suppose you +are more fortunate." + +"Not much. I am pretty busy you see. I have my profession. I play a +good deal--the piano and the _'cello_ are my instruments. But my +difficulty is to find someone to accompany me. My sister does when she +can, but of course with a house and family to look after----I am +sometimes selfish enough to wish she had not married. We used to be such +good friends." + +"Is that all over?" + +"It is different. She always manages to be busy now," said Temperley in +a slightly ironical tone. + +He plunged once more, into a musical discussion. + +Hadria had reluctantly to cut it short, in order to arrange +tennis-matches. This task was performed as usual, somewhat recklessly. +Polite and amiable in indiscriminate fashion, Hadria ignored the secret +jealousies and heart-burnings of the neighbourhood, only to recognise +and repent her mistakes when too late. To-day she was even more +unchastened than usual in her dealings with inflammable social material. + +"Hadria!" cried Mrs. Fullerton, taking her aside, "How _could_ you ask +Cecilia Gordon to play with young McKenzie? You _know_ their families +are not on speaking terms!" + +Everyone, except the culprit, had remarked the haughty manner in which +Cecilia wielded her racket, and the gloomy silence in which the set was +played. + +Hadria, though not impenitent, laughed. "How does Miss Gordon manage to +be energetic and chilling at the same time!" she exclaimed. + +The Gordons and the McKenzies, like hostile armies, looked on grimly. +Everyone felt awkward, and to feel awkward was nothing less than tragic, +in the eyes of the assembly. + +"Oh, Hadria, how _could_ you?" cried Mrs. Gordon, coming up in her +elaborate toilette, which expressed almost as much of the character of +its wearer as was indicated by her thin, chattering tones, and +unreposeful manner. Her mode of dress was rich and florid--very obvious +in its effects, very _naif_. She was built on a large scale, and might +have been graceful, had not her mental constitution refused to permit, +or to inspire, that which physical construction seemed to intend. She +distributed smiles on all hands, of no particular meaning. Though still +a young woman, she looked worn and wearied. However, her _role_ was +cheerfulness, and she smiled on industriously. + +"I am so sorry," said Hadria, "the quarrel went clean out of my head. +They are so well matched. But your sister-in-law will never forgive me." + +"Oh, well, never mind, my dear; it is your way, I know. Only of course +it is awkward." + +"What can be done? Shall I run in and separate them?" + +"Oh, Hadria, you _are_ ridiculous!" + +"I was not meant for society," she said, in a depressed tone. + +"Oh, you will soon get into the way of it," cried Mrs. Gordon +encouragingly. + +"I am afraid I shall." + +Mrs. Gordon stared. "Mr. Temperley, I can never make out what Miss +Fullerton really means. Do see if you can." + +"How could I expect to succeed where you have failed?" + +"Oh, you men are so much cleverer than we poor women," cried the lady +archly. Temperley was obviously of the same opinion. But he found some +appropriate Chesterfieldian reply, while Hadria, to his annoyance, +hurried off to her duties, full of good resolutions. + +Having introduced a couple of sisters to their brother, she grew +desperate. A set had just ended, and the sisters were asked to play. +This time, no mistake had been made in the selection of partners, so far +as the question of sentiment was concerned, but they were fatally +ill-assorted as to strength. However, Hadria said with a sigh, if their +emotions were satisfied, it was really all they could expect. +Considering the number of family feuds, she did not see her way to +arranging both points, to everyone's satisfaction. + +Hadria was surrounded by a small group, among whom were Temperley, +Harold Wilkins, and Mr. Hawkesley, the brother who had been introduced +to his sisters. + +"How very handsome Hadria is looking this afternoon," said Mrs. Gordon, +"and how becoming that dark green gown is." + +Mrs. Fullerton smiled. "Yes, she does look her best to-day. I think she +has been improving, of late, in her looks." + +"That's just what we have all noticed. There is so much animation in her +face; she is such a sweet girl." + +Miss Du Prel, who was not of the stuff that martyrs are made of, +muttered something incoherent and deserted her neighbour. She came up to +the group that had gathered round Hadria. + +"Ah, Miss Du Prel," cried the latter, "I am so glad to see you at large +again. I was afraid you were getting bored." + +"I was," said Miss Du Prel frankly, "so I came away." + +The young men laughed. "If only everybody could go away when he was +bored," cried Hadria, "how peaceful it would be, and what small +tennis-parties one would have!" + +"Always excepting tennis-parties at _this_ house," said Hubert +Temperley. + +"I don't think any house would survive," said Miss Du Prel. "If people +do not meet to exchange ideas, I can't see the object of their meeting +at all." + +"What a revolutionary sentiment!" cried Temperley, laughing. "Where +would society be, on that principle?" + +Hadria was called away, at that moment, and the group politely wavered +between duty and inclination. Temperley and Miss Du Prel strolled off +together, his vast height bent deferentially towards her. This air of +deference proved somewhat superficial. Miss Du Prel found that his +opinions were of an immovable order, with very defined edges. In some +indescribable fashion, those opinions partook of the general elegance of +his being. Not for worlds would he have harboured an exaggerated or +immoderate idea. In politics he was conservative, but he did not abuse +his opponents. He smiled at them; he saw no reason for supposing that +they did not mean quite as well as he did, possibly better. What he +_did_ see reason to doubt, was their judgment. His tolerance was urbane +and superior. On all questions, however, whether he knew much about them +or little, his judgment was final and absolute. He swept away whole +systems of thought that had shaken the world, with a confident phrase. +Miss Du Prel looked at him with increasing amazement. He seemed +unaccustomed to opposition. + +"A vast deal of nonsense is talked in the name of philosophy," he +observed, in a tone of gay self-confidence peculiar to him, and more +indicative of character than even what he said. "People seem to think +that they have only to quote Spencer or Huxley, or take an interest in +heredity, to justify themselves in throwing off all the trammels, as +they would regard them, of duty and common sense." + +"I have not observed that tendency," said Miss Du Prel. + +"Really. I regret to say that I notice everywhere a disposition to evade +responsibilities which, in former days, would have been honestly and +contentedly accepted." + +"Our standards are all changing," said Miss Du Prel. "It does not follow +that they are changing for the worse." + +"It seems to me that they are not so much changing, as disappearing +altogether," said Temperley cheerfully, "especially among women. We hear +a great deal about rights, but we hear nothing about duties." + +"We are perhaps, a little tired of hearing about duties," said Miss Du +Prel. + +"You admit then what I say," he returned placidly. "Every woman wants to +be Mary, and no one will be Martha." + +"I make just the opposite complaint," cried Miss Du Prel. + +"Dear me, quite a different way of looking at it. I confess I have scant +patience with these interfering women, who want to turn everything +upside down, instead of quietly minding their duties at home." + +"I know it is difficult to make people understand," said Miss Du Prel, +with malice. + +"I should esteem it a favour to be enlightened," returned Temperley. + +"You were just now condemning socialism, Mr. Temperley, because you say +that it attempts to ignore the principle of the division of labour. Now, +when you lose patience with the few women who are refusing to be +Marthas, you ignore that principle yourself. You want all women to do +exactly the same sort of work, irrespective of their ability or their +bent of mind. May I ask why?" + +"Because I consider that is the kind of work for which they are best +fitted," replied Temperley serenely. + +"Then _you_ are to be judge and jury in the case; _your_ opinion, +not theirs, is to decide the matter. Supposing _I_ were to take upon +myself to judge what _you_ were best fitted for, and were to claim, +therefore, to decide for you what sort of life you should live, and what +sort of work you should undertake----?" + +"I should feel every confidence in resigning myself to your able judgment," +said Temperley, with a low bow. Miss Du Prel laughed. + +"Ah," she said, "you are at present, on the conquering side, and can afford +to jest on the subject." + +"It is no joke to jest with an able woman," he returned. "Seriously, I +have considerable sympathy with your view, and no wish to treat it +flippantly. But if I am to treat it seriously, I must admit frankly that +I think you forget that, after all, _Nature_ has something to say in +this matter." + +Engrossed in their conversation, they had, without thinking what they +were doing, passed through the open gate at the end of the avenue, and +walked on along the high road. + +Swarms of small birds flew out of the hedges, with a whirring sound, to +settle further on, while an incessant chatter was kept up on each side. + +"I often think that modern women might take example from these little +creatures," said Temperley, who, in common with many self-sufficient +persons, was fond of recommending humility to others. "_They_ never +attempt to shirk their lowly tasks on the plea of higher vocations. Not +one turns from the path marked out by our great Mother, who also teaches +her human children the same lesson of patient duty; but, alas! by them +is less faithfully obeyed." + +"If our great Mother wanted instinct she should not have bestowed +reason," said Miss Du Prel impatiently. + +Temperley had fallen into the dulcet strains of one who feels, not only +that he stands as the champion of true wisdom and virtue, but that he is +sure of support from the vast majority of his fellows. Miss Du Prel's +brusqueness seemed to suit her less admirable _role_. + +Temperley was tolerant and regretful. If Miss Du Prel would think for a +moment, she could not fail to see that Nature ... and so forth, in the +same strain of "pious devotion to other people's duties" as his +companion afterwards described it. She chafed at the exhortation to +"think for a moment." + +At that instant, the solitude was broken by the apparition of a dusty +wayfarer in knickerbockers and soft felt hat, coming towards them up the +road. He was a man of middle height and rather slim. He appeared about +five-and-thirty years of age. He had fair hair, and a strange, whimsical +face, irregular of feature, with a small moustache covering the upper +lip. + +Miss Du Prel looked startled, as she caught sight of the travel-stained +figure. She flushed deeply, and her expression changed to one of +bewilderment and uncertainty, then to one of incredulous joy. She +hastened forward, at length, and arrested the wayfarer. + +"Professor Fortescue, don't you remember me?" she cried excitedly. + +He gazed at her for a second, and then a look of amazement came into his +kind eyes, as he held out his hand. + +"Miss Du Prel! This is incredible!" + +They stood, with hand locked in hand, staring at one another. "By what +happy misunderstanding am I thus favoured by the gods?" exclaimed the +Professor. + +Miss Du Prel explained her presence. + +"Prodigious!" cried Professor Fortescue. "Fate must have some strange +plots in the making, unless indeed we fall to the discouraging +supposition that she deigns to jest." + +He said that he was on a walking tour, studying the geology of the +district, and that he had written to announce his coming to his old +friends, Mr. and Mrs. Fullerton, and to ask them to put him up. He +supposed that they were expecting him. + +Miss Du Prel was greatly excited. It was so long since they had met, and +it was so delightful to meet again. She had a hundred enquiries to make +about common friends, and about the Professor's own doings. + +She forgot Temperley's name, and her introduction was vague. The +Professor held out his hand cordially. Temperley was not allowed to feel +an intrusive third. This was in consequence of the new-comer's +kindliness of manner, and not at all because of Miss Du Prel, who had +forgotten Temperley's elegant existence. She had a look of surprise when +he joined in the conversation. + +"I can scarcely believe that it is ten years since I was here," cried +the Professor, pausing to look over a gate at the stretch of country. + +"I used to visit my friends at Dunaghee every autumn, and now if some +one were to assure me that I had been to sleep and dreamt a ten years' +dream, I should be disposed to credit it. Every detail the same; the +very cattle, the very birds--surely just those identical sparrows used +to fly before me along the hedgerows, in the good old times, ten years +ago! Ah! yes, it is only the human element that changes." + +"One is often so thankful for a change in that," Temperley remarked, +with an urbane sort of cynicism. + +"True," said Miss Du Prel; "but what is so discouraging is that so often +the charm goes, like the bloom of a peach, and only the qualities that +one regrets remain and prosper." + +"I think people improve with time, as often as they fall off," said the +Professor. + +The others shook their heads. + +"To him that hath shall be given, but to him that hath not----" The +Professor smiled a little sadly, in quoting the significant words. +"Well, well," he said, turning to Miss Du Prel, "I can't say how happy I +am to see you again. I have not yet got over my surprise. And so you +have made the acquaintance of the family at Dunaghee. I have the warmest +respect and affection for those dear folks. Mrs. Fullerton has the +qualities of a heroine, kind hostess as she is! And of what fine +Scottish stuff the old man is made--and a mind like crystal! What +arguments we used to have in that old study of his! I can see him now. +And how genial! A man could never forget it, who had once received his +welcome." + +Such was Miss Du Prel's impression, when ten minutes later the meeting +took place between the Professor and his old friend. + +It would indeed have been hard to be anything but genial to the +Professor. Hadria remembered him and his kindness to her and the rest of +the children, in the old days; the stories he used to tell when he took +them for walks, stories full of natural lore more marvellous than any +fairy tale, though he could tell fairy tales too, by the dozen. He had +seemed to them like some wonderful and benevolent magician, and they +adored him, one and all. And what friends he used to be with Ruffian, +the brown retriever, and with every living creature on the place! + +The tennis-party began to break up, shortly after the Professor's +arrival. Temperley lingered to the last. + +"Is that a son of the celebrated Judge Temperley?" asked one of the +bystanders. + +"His eldest son," answered Mr. Gordon; "a man who ought to make his +mark, for he has splendid chances and good ability." + +"I have scarcely had a word with you, the whole afternoon," Temperley +said to Hadria, who had sunk upon a seat, tired with making herself +agreeable, as she observed. + +"That is very sad; but when one has social gatherings, one never does +have a word with anybody. I think that must be the object of them--to +accustom people to do without human sympathy." + +Temperley tried to start a conversation, taking a place beside her, on +the seat, and setting himself to draw her out. It was obvious that he +found her interesting, either as a study or in a less impersonal sense. +Hadria, feeling that her character was being analysed, did what many +people do without realizing it: she instinctively arranged its lights +and shades with a view to artistic effect. It was not till late that +night, when the events of the day passed before her in procession, that +she recognized what she had done, and laughed at herself. She had not +attempted to appear in a better light than she deserved; quite as often +as not, she submitted to appear in a worse light; her effort had been to +satisfy some innate sense of proportion or form. The instinct puzzled +her. + +Also she became aware that she was interested in Hubert Temperley. Or +was it that she was interested in his interest in her? She could not be +certain. She thought it was direct interest. She felt eager to know more +of him; above all, to hear him play. + +On returning to the house, after Temperley had, at last, felt compelled +to depart, Hadria found her father and mother and their guest, gathered +together before the cheery fire in the study. Hearing his daughter's +step, her father opened the door and called her in. Till now, the +Professor had not seen her, having been hurried into the house, to +change his clothes and have something to eat. + +As she entered, rather shyly, he rose and gave a gasp of astonishment. + +"You mean to tell me that this is the little girl who used to take me +for walks, and who had such an inordinate appetite for stories! Good +heavens, it is incredible!" + +He held out a thin, finely-formed hand, with a kind smile. + +"They change so much at that age, in a short time," said Mrs. Fullerton, +with a glance of pride; for her daughter was looking brilliantly +handsome, as she stood before them, with flushed cheeks and a soft +expression, which the mere tones of the Professor's voice had power to +summon in most human faces. He looked at her thoughtfully, and then +rousing himself, he brought up a chair for her, and the group settled +again before the fire. + +"Do you know," said the Professor, "I was turning into a French +sweet-shop the other day, to buy my usual tribute for the children, when +I suddenly remembered that they would no longer be children, and had to +march out again, crestfallen, musing on the march of time and the +mutability of things human--especially children." + +"It's ridiculous," cried Mr. Fullerton. "I am always lecturing them +about it, but they go on growing just the same." + +"And how they make you feel an old fogey before you know where you are! +And I thought I was quite a gay young fellow, upon my word!" + +"You, my dear Chantrey! why you'd be a gay young fellow at ninety!" said +Mr. Fullerton. + +The Professor laughed and shook his head. + +"And so this is really my little playfellow!" he exclaimed, nodding +meditatively. "I remember her so well; a queer, fantastic little being +in those days, with hair like a black cloud, and eyes that seemed to +peer out of the cloud, with a perfect passion of enquiry. She used to +bewilder me, I remember, with her strange, wise little sayings! I always +prophesied great things from her! Ernest, too, I remember: a fine little +chap with curly, dark hair--rather like a young Italian, but with +features less broadly cast; drawn together and calmed by his northern +blood. Yes, yes; it seems but yesterday," he said, with a smile and a +sigh; "and now my little Italian is at college, with a bored manner and +a high collar." + +"Oh, no; Ernest's a dear boy still," cried Hadria. "Oxford hasn't spoilt +him a bit. I do wish he was at home for you to see him." + +"Ah! you mustn't hint at anything against Ernest in Hadria's presence!" +cried Mr. Fullerton, with an approving laugh. + +"Not for the world!" rejoined the Professor. "I was only recalling one +or two of my young Oxford acquaintances. I might have known that a +Fullerton had too much stuff in him to make an idiot of himself in that +way." + +"The boy has distinguished himself too," said Mr. Fullerton. + +"Everyone says he will do splendidly," added the mother; "and you can't +think how modest he is about himself, and how anxious to do well, and to +please us by his success." + +"Ah! that's good." + +The Professor was full of sympathy. Hadria was astonished to see how +animated her mother had become under his influence. + +They fell again to recalling old times; little trivial incidents which +had seemed so unimportant at the moment, but now carried a whole epoch +with them, bringing back, with a rush, the genial memories. Hadria +remembered that soon after his last visit, the Professor had married a +beautiful wife, and that about a year or so later, the wife had died. It +was said that she had killed herself. This set Hadria speculating. + +The visitor reminded his companions of various absurd incidents of the +past, sending Mr. Fullerton into paroxysms of laughter that made the +whole party laugh in sympathy. Mrs. Fullerton too was already wiping her +streaming eyes as the Professor talked on in his old vein, with just +that particular little humourous manner of his that won its way so +surely to the hearts of his listeners. For a moment, in the midst of the +bright talk and the mirth that he had created, the Professor lost the +thread, and his face, as he stared into the glowing centre of the fire, +had a desolate look; but it was so quick to pass away that one might +have thought oneself the victim of a fancy. His was the next chuckle, +and "Do you remember that day when----?" and so forth, Mr. Fullerton's +healthy roar following, avalanche-like, upon the reminiscence. + +"We thought him a good and kind magician when we were children," was +Hadria's thought, "and now one is grown up, there is no disillusion. He +is a good and kind magician still." + +He seemed indeed to have the power to conjure forth from their +hiding-places, the finer qualities of mind and temperament, which had +lain dormant, perhaps for years, buried beneath daily accumulations of +little cares and little habits. The creature that had once looked forth +on the world, fresh and vital, was summoned again, to his own surprise, +with all his ancient laughter and his tears. + +"This man," Hadria said to herself, drawing a long, relieved breath, "is +the best and the most generous human being I have ever met." + +She went to sleep, that night, with a sweet sense of rest and security, +and an undefined new hope. If such natures were in existence, then there +must be a great source of goodness and tenderness somewhere in heaven or +earth, and the battle of life must be worth the fighting. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +The Professor's presence in the house had a profound influence on the +inmates, one and all. The effect upon his hostess was startling. He drew +forth her intellect, her sense of humour, her starved poetic sense; he +probed down among the dust and rust of years, and rescued triumphantly +the real woman, who was being stifled to death, with her own connivance. + +Hadria was amazed to see how the new-comer might express any idea he +pleased, however heterodox, and her mother only applauded. + +His manner to her was exquisitely courteous. He seemed to understand all +that she had lost in her life, all its disappointments and sacrifices. + +On hearing that Miss Du Prel was among the Professor's oldest friends, +Mrs. Fullerton became suddenly cordial to that lady, and could not show +her enough attention. The evenings were often spent in music, Temperley +being sometimes of the party. He was the only person not obviously among +the Professor's admirers. + +"However cultivated or charming a person may be," Temperley said to +Hadria, "I never feel that I have found a kindred spirit, unless the +musical instinct is strong." + +"Nor I." + +"Professor Fortescue has just that one weak point." + +"Oh, but he is musical, though his technical knowledge is small." + +But Temperley smiled dubiously. + +The Professor, freed from his customary hard work, was like a schoolboy. +His delight in the open air, in the freshness of the hills, in the +peace of the mellow autumn, was never-ending. + +He loved to take a walk before breakfast, so as to enjoy the first +sweetness of the morning; to bathe in some clear pool of the river; to +come into healthy contact with Nature. Never was there a brighter or a +wholesomer spirit. Yet the more Hadria studied this clear, and vigorous, +and tender nature, the more she felt, in him, the absence of that +particular personal hold on life which so few human beings are without, +a grip usually so hard to loosen, that only the severest experience, and +the deepest sorrow have power to destroy it. + +Hadria's letters to her sister, at this time, were full of enthusiasm. +"You cannot imagine what it is, or perhaps you _can_ imagine what it +is to have the society of three such people as I now see almost every day. + +"You say I represent them as impossible angels, such as earth never +beheld, but you are wrong. I represent them as they are. I suppose the +Professor has faults--though he does not show them to us--they must be +of the generous kind, at any rate. Father says that he never could keep +a farthing; he would always give it away to undeserving people. Miss Du +Prel, I find on closer acquaintance, is not without certain jealousies +and weaknesses, but these things just seem to float about as gossamer on +a mountain-side, and one counts them in relation to herself, in about +the same proportion. Mr. Temperley--I don't know quite what to say about +him. He is a tiny bit too precise and finished perhaps--a little wanting +in _elan_--but he seems very enlightened and full of polite information; +and ah, his music! When he is playing I am completely carried away. If +he said then, 'Miss Fullerton, may I have the pleasure of your society +in the infernal regions?' I should arise and take his arm and reply, +'Delighted,' and off we would march. But what am I saying? Mr. Temperley +would never ask anything so absurd. + +"You would have thought that when Miss Du Prel and Professor Fortescue +arrived on the scene, I had about enough privileges; but no, Destiny, +waking up at last to her duties, remembers that I have a maniacal +passion for music, and that this has been starved. So she hastens to +provide for me a fellow maniac, a brother in Beethoven, who comes and +fills my world with music and my soul with----But I must not rave. The +music is still in my veins; I am not in a fit state to write reasonable +letters. Here comes Mr. Temperley for our practice. No more for the +present." + +Temperley would often talk to Hadria of his early life, and about his +mother and sister. Of his mother he spoke with great respect and +affection, the respect perhaps somewhat conventional, and allowing one +to see, through its meshes, the simple fact that she was looked up to as +a good and dutiful parent, who had worshipped her son from his birth, +and perfectly fulfilled his ideas of feminine excellency. From her he +had learnt the lesser Catechism and the Lord's Prayer, since discarded, +but useful in their proper season. Although he had ceased to be an +orthodox Christian, he felt that he was the better for having been +trained in that creed. He had a perfect faith in the system which had +produced himself. + +"I think you would like my mother," said Temperley. + +Hadria could scarcely dispute this. + +"And I am sure she would like you." + +"On that point I cannot offer an opinion." + +"Don't you ever come to town?" he asked. + +"We go to Edinburgh occasionally," she replied with malice, knowing that +he meant London. + +He set her right. + +"No; my father hates London, and mother never goes away without him." + +"What a pity! But do you never visit friends in town?" + +"Yes; my sister and I have spent one or two seasons in Park Lane, with +some cousins." + +"Why don't you come this next season? You ought to hear some good +music." + +The _tete-a-tete_ was interrupted by the Professor. Temperley looked +annoyed. It struck Hadria that Professor Fortescue had a very sad +expression when he was not speaking. He seemed to her lonely, and in +need of the sort of comfort that he brought so liberally to others. + +Although he had talked to Hadria about a thousand topics in which they +were both interested, there had been nothing personal in their +conversation. He was disposed, at times, to treat her in a spirit of +affectionate banter. + +"To think that I should ever have dared to offer this young lady +acidulated drops!" he exclaimed on one occasion, when Hadria was looking +flushed and perturbed. + +"Ah! shall I ever forget those acidulated drops!" she cried, +brightening. + +"You don't mean to say that you would stoop to them now?" + +"It is not one's oldest friends who always know one best," she replied +demurely. + +"I shall test you," he said. + +And on that same day, he walked into Ballochcoil, and when he returned, +he offered her, with a solemn twinkle in his eye, a good-sized paper bag +of the seductive sweetmeat; taking up his position on the top of a low +dyke, and watching her, while she proceeded to make of that plump white +bag, a lank and emaciated bag, surprising to behold. He sat and looked +on, enjoying his idleness with the zest of a hard worker. The twinkle of +amusement faded gradually from his face, and the sadness that Hadria had +noticed the day before, returned to his eyes. She was leaning against +the dyke, pensively enjoying her festive meal. The dark fresh blue of +her gown, and the unwonted tinge of colour in her cheeks, gave a +vigorous and healthful impression, in harmony with the weather-beaten +stones and the windy breadth of the northern landscape. + +The Professor studied the face with a puzzled frown. He flattered +himself that he was a subtle physiognomist, but in this case, he would +not have dared to pronounce judgment. Danger and difficulty might have +been predicted, for it was a moving face, one that could not be looked +upon quite coldly. And the Professor had come to the conclusion, from +his experience of life, that the instinct of the average human being +whom another has stirred to strong emotion, is to fasten upon and +overwhelm that luckless person, to burden him with responsibilities, to +claim as much of time, and energy, and existence, as can in any way be +wrung from him, careless of the cost to the giver. + +Professor Fortescue noticed, as Hadria looked down, a peculiar +dreaminess of expression, and something indefinable, which suggested a +profoundly emotional nature. At present, the expression was softened. +That this softness was not altogether trustworthy, however, the +Professor felt sure, for he had seen, at moments, when something had +deeply stirred her, expressions anything but soft come into her face. +He thought her capable of many things of which the well-brought-up young +Englishwoman is not supposed to dream. It seemed to him, that she had at +least two distinct natures that were at war with one another: the one +greedy and pleasure-loving, careless and even reckless; the other +deep-seeing and aspiring. But which of these two tendencies would +experience probably foster? + +"I wonder what you like best, next to acidulated drops," he said at +length, with one of his half-bantering smiles. + +"There are few things in this wide world that can be mentioned in the +same breath with them, but toffy also has its potency upon the spirit." + +"I like not this mocking tone." + +"Then I will not mock," she said. + +"Yes, Hadria," he went on meditatively, "you have grown up, if an old +friend may make such remarks, very much as I expected, from the promise +of your childhood. You used to puzzle me even then." + +"Do I puzzle you now?" she asked. + +"Inexpressibly!" + +"How amusing! But how?" + +"One can generally see at a glance, or pretty soon, the general trend of +a character. But not with you. Nothing that I might hear of you in the +future, would very much surprise me. I should say to myself, 'Yes, the +germ was there.'" + +Hadria paled a little. "Either good or bad you mean?" + +"Well----" + +"Yes, I understand." She drew herself together, crossing her arms, and +looking over the hills, with eyes that burned with a sort of fear and +defiance mingled. It was a singular expression, which the Professor +noted with a sense of discomfort. + +Hadria slowly withdrew her eyes from the horizon, and bent them on the +ground. + +"You must have read some of my thoughts," she said. "I often wonder how +it is, that the world can drill women into goodness at all." She raised +her head, and went on in a low, bitter tone: "I often wonder why it is, +that they don't, one and all, fling up their _roles_ and revenge +themselves to the best of their ability--intentionally, I mean--upon the +world that makes them live under a permanent insult. I think, at times, +that I should thoroughly enjoy spending my life in sheer, unmitigated +vengeance, and if I did"--she clenched her hands, and her eyes +blazed--"if I did, I would not do my work by halves!" + +"I am sure you would not," said the Professor dryly. + +"But I shall not do anything of the kind," she added in a different +tone; "women don't. They always try to be good, always, _always_--the +more fools they! And the more they are good, the worse things get." + +"Ah! I thought there was some heterodox sentiment lurking here at high +pressure!" exclaimed the Professor. + +Hadria sighed. "I have just been receiving good advice from Mrs. +Gordon," she said, flushing at the remembrance, "and I think if you knew +the sort of counsel it was, that you would understand one's feeling a +little fierce and bitter. Oh, not with her, poor woman! She meant it in +kindness. But the most cutting thing of all is, that what she said is +_true!_" + +"That _is_ exactly the worst thing," said the Professor, who seemed to +have divined the nature of Mrs. Gordon's advice. + +Hadria coloured. It hurt as well as astonished her, that he should guess +what had been said. + +"Ah! a woman ought to be born without pride, or not at all! I wish to +heaven that our fatal sex could be utterly stamped out!" + +The Professor smiled, a little sadly, at her vehemence. + +"We are accused of being at the bottom of every evil under heaven," she +added, "and I think it is true. _That_ is some consolation, at any +rate!" + +In spite of her immense reverence for the Professor, she seemed to have +grown reckless as to his opinion. + +The next few days went strangely, and not altogether comprehensibly. +There was a silent warfare between Professor Fortescue and Hubert +Temperley. + +"I have never in my life before ventured to interfere in such matters," +the Professor said to Miss Du Prel; "but if that fellow marries Hadria, +one or both will live to rue it." + +"I think it's the best thing that could happen to her," Miss Du Prel +declared. + +"But they are not suited to one another," said the Professor. + +"Men and women seldom are!" + +"Then why----?" the Professor began. + +"He is about as near as she will get," Valeria interrupted. "I will +never stand in the way of a girl's marrying a good, honest man. There is +not one chance in ten thousand that Hadria will happen to meet exactly +the right person. I have made a mistake in my life. I shall do all in my +power to urge her to avoid following in my footsteps." + +It was useless for the Professor to remonstrate. + +"I pity Mr. Temperley, though I am so fond of Hadria," said Miss Du +Prel. "If he shatters _her_ illusions, she will certainly shatter +_his_." + +The event that they had been expecting, took place. During one of the +afternoon practices, when, for a few minutes, Mrs. Fullerton had left +the room, Temperley startled Hadria by an extremely elegant proposal of +marriage. He did not seem surprised at her refusal, though he pleaded +his cause with no little eloquence. Hadria found it a painful ordeal. +She shrank from the ungracious necessity to disappoint what appeared to +be a very ardent hope. Happily, the interview was cut short by the +entrance of Mr. Fullerton. The old man was not remarkable for _finesse_. +He gave a dismayed "Oh!" He coughed, suppressed a smile, and murmuring +some lame enquiry as to the progress of the music, turned and marched +out of the room. The sound of laughter was presently heard from the +dining-room below. + +"Father is really too absurd!" cried Hadria, "there is _no_ tragedy that +he is incapable of roaring at!" + +"I fear his daughter takes after him," said Temperley with a tragi-comic +smile. + +When Hadria next met her father, he asked, with perfect but suspicious +gravity, about the music that they had been practising that afternoon. +He could not speak too highly of music as a pastime. He regretted having +rushed in as he did--it must have been so disturbing to the music. Why +not have a notice put up outside the door on these occasions: "Engaged"? +Then the meanest intelligence would understand, and the meanest +intelligence was really a thing one had to count with, in this +blundering world! + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +Hubert Temperley left Drumgarren suddenly. He said that he had business +to attend to in town. + +"That foolish girl has refused him!" exclaimed Valeria, when she heard +of it. + +"Thank heaven!" ejaculated Professor Fortescue. + +Valeria's brow clouded. "Why are you so anxious about the matter?" + +"Because I know that a marriage between those two would end in misery." + +Valeria spoke very seriously to Hadria on the subject of marriage, +urging the importance of it, and the wretchedness of growing old in +solitude. + +"Better even that, than to grow old in uncongenial company," said +Hadria. + +Valeria shrugged her shoulders. "One could go away when it became +oppressive," she suggested, at which Hadria laughed. + +"What an ideal existence!" + +"Are you still dreaming of an ideal existence?" + +"Why not?" + +"Well, dream while you may," said Miss Du Prel. "My time of dreaming was +the happiest of all." + +On one occasion, when Hadria and the Professor went to call at Craw +Gill, they found Miss Du Prel in the gloomiest of moods. Affection, +love?--the very blood and bones of tragedy. Solitude, indifference?--its +heart. And if for men the world was a delusion, for women it was a +torture-chamber. Nature was dead against them. + +"Why do you say that?" asked Hadria. + +"Because of the blundering, merciless way she has made us; because of +the needs that she has put into our hearts, and the preposterous payment +that she demands for their fulfilment; because of the equally +preposterous payment she exacts, if we elect to do without that which +she teaches us to yearn for." + +Professor Fortescue, admitting the dilemma, laid the blame on the +stupidity of mankind. + +The discussion was excited, for Valeria would not allow the guilt to be +thus shifted. In vain the Professor urged that Nature offers a large +choice to humanity, for the developing, balancing, annulling of its +various forces of good and evil, and that it is only when the choice is +made that heredity steps in and fixes it. This process simulates +Necessity, or what we call Nature. "Heredity may be a powerful friend, +or a bitter enemy, according as we treat her," he said. + +"Then our sex must have treated her very badly!" cried Miss Du Prel. + +"Or _our_ sex must have obliged yours to treat her badly, which comes +to the same thing," said the Professor. + +They had agreed to take a walk by the river, towards Ballochcoil. It was +hoped that the fresh air and sunshine would cheer Miss Du Prel. The +Professor led the conversation to her favourite topic: ancient Greek +literature, but this only inspired her to quote the discouraging opinion +of the _Medea_ of Euripedes. + +The Professor laughed. "I see it is a really bad attack," he said. "I +sympathize. I have these inconsolable moods myself, sometimes." + +They came upon the Greek temple on the cliff-side, and paused there to +rest, for a few minutes. It was too cold to linger long under the +slender columns. They walked on, till they came in sight of the bare +little church of Ballochcoil. + +The Professor instinctively turned to compare the two buildings. "The +contrast between them is so extraordinary!" he exclaimed. + +Nothing could have been more eloquent of the difference in the modes of +thought which they respectively represented. + +"If only they had not made such fools of their women, I should like to +have lived at Athens in the time of Pericles!" exclaimed Hadria. + +"I," said Valeria, "would choose rather the Middle Ages, with their +mysticism and their romance." + +The discussion on this point continued till the church was reached. A +psalm was being sung, in a harsh but devout fashion, by the +congregation. The sound managed to find its way to the sweet outer air, +though the ugly rectangular windows were all jealously closed against +its beneficence. + +The sky had become overcast, and a few drops of rain having given +warning of a shower, it was thought advisable to take shelter in the +porch, till it was over. The psalm was ground out slowly, and with +apparent fervour, to the end. + +Then the voice of the minister was heard wrestling in prayer. + +The Professor looked grave and sad, as he stood listening. It was +possible to hear almost all the prayer through the red baize door, and +the words, hackneyed though they were, and almost absurd in their pious +sing-song, had a naif impressiveness and, to the listener, an intense +pathos. + +The minister prayed for help and comfort for his congregation. There had +been much sickness in the village during the summer, and many were in +trouble. The good man put forth his petition to the merciful and mighty +Father, that strength might be given to the sufferers to bear all that +was sent in chastisement, for they knew that nothing would be given +beyond their ability to endure. He assured the great and mighty Lord +that He had power to succour, and that His love was without end; he +prayed that as His might and His glory were limitless, so might His +mercy be to the miserable sinners who had offended Him. + +Age after age, this same prayer, in different forms, had besieged the +throne of heaven. Age after age, the spirit of man had sought for help, +and mercy, and inspiration, in the Power that was felt, or imagined, +behind the veil of mystery. + +From the village at the foot of the hill, vague sounds floated up, and +presently, among them and above them, could be heard the yelping and +howling of a dog. + +The minister, at the moment, was glorifying his Creator and his race at +the same time, by addressing Him as "Thou who hast given unto us, Thy +servants, dominion over the beasts of the field and over every living +thing, that they may serve us and minister unto us----" + +Again, and more loudly, came the cry of distress. + +"I must go and see what is the matter," exclaimed the Professor. At the +moment, the howling suddenly ceased, and he paused. The minister was +still appealing to his God for mercy. "Out of the deep have I cried unto +Thee, O Lord----," and then there was a general prayer, in which the +voices of the congregation joined. Some more singing and praying took +place, before the sound of a sudden rush and movement announced the +conclusion of the service. + +"We had better go," said Miss Du Prel. + +They had no more than time to leave the porch, before the doors burst +open, and the people streamed forth. A whiff of evil-smelling air issued +from the building, at the same time. The dog was howling more piteously +than ever. Someone complained of the disturbance that had been caused by +the creature's cries, during worship. The congregation continued to pour +out, dividing into little groups to discuss the sermon or something of +more mundane interest. An appearance of superhuman respectability +pervaded the whole body. The important people, some of whom had their +carriages waiting to drive them home, lingered a few moments, to +exchange greetings, and to discuss sporting prospects or achievements. +Meanwhile, one of the creatures over whom God had given them dominion, +was wailing in vain appeal. + +"I can't stand this," cried the Professor, and he started off. + +"I will come too," Hadria announced. Miss Du Prel said that she could +not endure the sight of suffering, and would await their return. + +And then occurred the incident that made this afternoon memorable to +Hadria. In her last letter to her sister, she had said that she could +not imagine the Professor contemptuous or angry. She had reason now to +change her mind. His face was at once scornful and sad. For a moment, +Hadria thought that he was displeased with her. + +"I sometimes feel," he said, with a scornful bitterness that she had not +suspected in him, "I sometimes feel that this precious humanity of ours +that we are eternally worshipping and exalting, is but a mean, miserable +thing, after all, not worth a moment's care or effort. One's sympathy is +wasted. Look at these good people whining to their heavenly Father about +their own hurts, craving for a pity of which they have not a spark +themselves!--puffed up with their little lordship over the poor beasts +that they do not hesitate to tear, and hurt, and torture, for their own +pleasure, or their own benefit,--to whom they, in their turn, love to +play the God. Cowards! And having used their Godhead for purposes of +cruelty, they fling themselves howling on their knees before their +Almighty Deity and beg for mercy, which He too knows how to refuse!" + +"Thank heaven!" exclaimed Hadria. She drew a deep sigh of relief. +Without precisely realizing the fact, she had been gradually sinking +into an unformulated conviction that human beings are, at heart, +ruthless and hard, as soon as they are brought beyond the range of +familiar moral claims, which have to be respected on pain of popular +censure. Self-initiated pity was nowhere to be found. The merciless +coldness of many excellent people (kind and tender, perhaps, within +these accepted limits) had often chilled her to the heart, and prompted +a miserable doubt of the eventual victory of good over evil in the +world, which her father always insisted was ruled by mere brute force, +and would be so ruled to the end of time. She had tried to find a wider, +more generous, and less conventional standard in her oracle, Miss Du +Prel, but to her bitter disappointment, that lady had shrugged her +shoulders a little callously, as soon as she was asked to extend her +sympathy outside the circle of chartered candidates for her merciful +consideration. Hadria's hero-worship had suffered a severe rebuff. Now, +as the Professor spoke, it was as if a voice from heaven had bidden her +believe and hope fearlessly in her race, and in its destiny. + +"I had almost come to shrink a little from people," she said, "as from +something cruel and savage, at heart, without a grain of real, untaught +pity." + +"There is only just enough to swear by," said the Professor sadly. "We +are a lot of half-tamed savages, after all, but we may be thankful that +a capacity for almost infinite development is within us." + +"I wish to heaven we could get on a little faster," exclaimed Hadria. + +The incident proved, in the end, a fortunate one for the homeless, and +almost starving terrier, of plebeian lineage, whose wail of distress had +summoned two friends to the rescue. The creature had been ill-treated by +some boys, who found Sunday afternoon hang heavy on their hands. The +Professor carried the injured animal across the fields and through the +woods, to Dunaghee. + +Here the wounds were dressed, and here the grateful creature found a new +and blissful home. His devotion to the Professor was unbounded; he +followed him everywhere. + +Hadria's reverence and admiration rose to the highest pitch of +enthusiasm. Her father laughed at her. "Just as if any decent fellow +would not have done as much for a wounded brute!" + +"There must have been a strange dearth of decent fellows in church that +morning then." + +It was not merely the action, but the feeling revealed by the +Professor's words on that occasion, that had turned Hadria's sentiment +towards him, into one of worship. + +Algitha warned her that even the Professor was human. + +Hadria said she did not believe it, or rather she believed that he was +inordinately, tenderly, superlatively human, and that he had gone many +steps farther in that direction than the rest of his generation. He was +dowered with instincts and perceptions belonging to some kinder, nobler +race than ours. + +Miss Du Prel looked grave. She took occasion to mention that the +Professor had never ceased to grieve for his wife, to whom he had been +passionately attached, and that he, almost alone among men, would never +love any other woman. + +"I admire him only the more for that," said Hadria. + +"Don't let yourself care too much for him." + +"Too much!" + +"Don't fall in love with him, if I must be frank." + +Hadria was silent. "If one _were_ to fall in love at all, I don't see +how it would be possible to avoid his being the man," she pronounced at +last. "I defy any creature with the least vestige of a heart to remain +indifferent to him." (Valeria coloured.) "Why there isn't a man, woman, +child, or animal about the place who doesn't adore him; and what can _I_ +do?" + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +The autumn was now on the wane; the robins sang clear, wild little songs +in the shrubberies, the sunshine fell slanting across the grass. And at +night, the stars twinkled with a frosty brilliancy, and the flowers were +cut down by cruel invisible hands. The long dark evenings and the +shrieking winds of winter were before them. + +With the shortening of the days, and the sweeping away of great shoals +of leaves, in the frequent gales, Miss Du Prel's mood grew more and more +sombre. At last she announced that she could stand the gloom of this +wild North no longer. She had made arrangements to return to London, on +the morrow. As suddenly as she had appeared on the scene, she vanished, +leaving but one day to grieve at the prospect of parting. + +It was through an accidental turn in the conversation, on this last day, +that the difference between her creed and the Professor's was brought to +light, accounting to Hadria for many things, and increasing, if +possible, her admiration for the unconscious Professor. + +As for her own private and personal justification for hope, Valeria +asserted that she had none. Not even the thought of her work--usually a +talisman against depression--had any power to comfort. Who cared for her +work, unless she perjured herself, and told the lies that the public +loved to hear? + +"What should we all do," asked Hadria, "if there were not a few people +like you and Professor Fortescue, in the world, to keep us true to our +best selves, and to point to something infinitely better than that +best?" + +Miss Du Prel brightened for a moment. + +"What does it matter if you do not provide mental food for the crowd, +seeking nourishment for their vulgarity? Let them go starve." + +"But they don't; they go and gorge elsewhere. Besides, the question of +starvation faces _me_ rather than them." + +Miss Du Prel was still disposed to find fault with the general scheme of +things, which she regarded as responsible for her own woes, great and +little. Survival of the fittest! What was that but another name for the +torture and massacre of the unfit? Nature's favourite instruments were +war, slaughter, famine, misery (mental and physical), sacrifice and +brutality in every form, with a special malignity in her treatment of +the most highly developed and the noblest of the race. + +The Professor in vain pointed out that Valeria's own revolt against the +brutality of Nature, was proof of some higher law in Nature, now in +course of development. + +"The horror that is inspired in human beings by that brutality is just +as much a part of Nature as the brutality itself," he said, and he +insisted that the supreme business of man, was to evolve a scheme of +life on a higher plane, wherein the weak shall not be forced to agonize +for the strong, so far as mankind can intervene to prevent it. Let man +follow the dictates of pity and generosity in his own soul. They would +never lead him astray. While Miss Du Prel laid the whole blame upon +natural law, the Professor impeached humanity. Men, he declared, cry out +against the order of things, which they, in a large measure, have +themselves created. + +"But, good heavens! the whole plan of life is one of rapine. _We_ did +not fashion the spider to prey upon the fly, or the cat to play with the +wounded mouse. _We_ did not ordain that the strong should fall upon the +weak, and tear and torture them for their own benefit. Surely we are not +responsible for the brutalities of the animal creation." + +"No, but we are responsible when we _imitate them_," said the Professor. + +Miss Du Prel somewhat inconsequently attempted to defend such imitation, +on the ground that sacrifice is a law of life, a law of which she had +just been bitterly complaining. But at this, the Professor would only +laugh. His opponent indignantly cited scientific authority of the most +solemn and weighty kind; the Professor shook his head. Familiarity with +weighty scientific authorities had bred contempt. + +"Vicarious sacrifice!" he exclaimed, with a sudden outbreak of the scorn +and impatience that Hadria had seen in him on one other occasion, "I +never heard a doctrine more insane, more immoral, or more suicidal!" + +Miss Du Prel hugged herself in the thought of her long list of scouted +authorities. They had assured her that our care of the weak, by +interfering with the survival of the fittest, is injuring the race. + +"Go down into the slums of our great cities, or to the pestilential +East, and there observe the survival of the fittest, undisturbed by +human knowledge or human pity," recommended the Professor. + +Miss Du Prel failed to see how this proved anything more than bad +general conditions. + +"It proves that however bad general conditions may be, _some_ wretches +will always survive; the 'fittest,' of course, to endure filth and +misery. Selection goes on without ceasing; but if the conditions are +bad, the surviving type will be miserable. Mere unaided natural +selection obviously cannot be trusted to produce a fine race." + +Nothing would convince Miss Du Prel that the preservation of weakly +persons was not injurious to the community. To this the Professor +replied, that what is lost by their salvation is more than paid back by +the better conditions that secured it. The strong, he said, were +strengthened and enabled to retain their strength by that which saves +the lives of the weak. + +"Besides, do you suppose a race could gain, in the long run, by defiance +of its best instincts? Never! If the laws of health in body and in mind +were at variance, leaving us a hard choice between physical and moral +disease, then indeed no despair could be too black. But all experience +and all insight testify to the exact opposite. Heavens, how +short-sighted people are! It is not the protection of the weak, but the +evil and stupid deeds that have made them so, that we have to thank for +the miseries of disease. And for our redemption--powers of the universe! +it is not to the cowardly sacrifice of the unfortunate that we must +trust, but to a more brotherly spirit of loyalty, a more generous +treatment of all who are defenceless, a more faithful holding together +among ourselves--weak and strong, favoured and luckless." + +Miss Du Prel was silent for a moment. Her sympathy but not her hope had +been roused. + +"I wish I could believe in your scheme of redemption," she said; "but, +alas! sacrifice has been the means of progress from the beginning of all +things, and so I fear it will be to the end." + +"I don't know what it will be at the end," said the Professor, dryly; +"for the present, I oppose with the whole strength of my belief and my +conscience, the cowardly idea of surrendering individuals to the +ferocity of a jealous and angry power, in the hope of currying favour +for the rest. We might just as well set up national altars and sacrifice +victims, after the franker fashion of the ancients. Morally, the +principles are precisely the same." + +"Scarcely; for _our_ object is to benefit humanity." + +"And theirs. Poor humanity!" cried the Professor. "What crimes are we +not ready to commit in thy name!" + +"That cannot be a crime which benefits mankind," argued Miss Du Prel. + +"It is very certain that it cannot eventually benefit mankind, if it +_be_ a crime," he retorted. + +"This sequence of ideas makes one dizzy!" exclaimed Hadria. + +The Professor smiled. "Moreover," he added, "we know that society has +formed the conditions of existence for each of her members; the whole +material of his misfortune, if he be ill-born and ill-conditioned. Is +society then to turn and rend her unlucky child whose misery was her +own birthday gift? Shall we, who are only too ready, as it is, to +trample upon others, in our haste and greed--shall we be encouraged in +this savage selfishness by what dares to call itself science, to play +one another false, instead of standing, with united front, to the powers +of darkness, and scorning to betray our fellows, human or animal, in the +contemptible hope of gaining by the treachery? Ah! you may quote +authorities, wise and good, till you are hoarse!" cried the Professor, +with a burst of energy; "but they will not convince me that black is +white. I care not who may uphold the doctrine of vicarious sacrifice; it +is monstrous, it is dastardly, it is _damnable!_" + +There are some sentences and some incidents that fix themselves, once +for all, in the memory, often without apparent reason, to remain as an +influence throughout life. In this fashion, the afternoon's discussion +registered itself in the memory of the silent member of the trio. + +In her dreams that night, those three concluding and energetic +adjectives played strange pranks, as, in dreams, words and phrases often +will. Her deep regret at Miss Du Prel's departure, her dread of her own +future, her growing sense of the torment, and horror, and sacrifice that +form so large a part of the order of the world, all appeared to be +united fantastically in malignant and threatening form, in the final +words of the Professor: "It is monstrous, it is dastardly, it is +damnable!" The agony of the whole earth seemed to hang over the sleeper, +hovering and black and intolerable, crushing her with a sense of +hopeless pity and fatigue. + +And on waking, though the absurd masquerading of words and thoughts had +ceased, she was still weighed down with the horror of the dream, which +she knew had a corresponding reality still more awful. And there was no +adversary to all this anguish; everybody acquiesced, nay, everybody +threw on yet another log to the martyr's pile, and coolly watched the +hungry flames at their work, for "Nature," they all agreed, demanded +sacrifice. + +It was in vain to turn for relief to the wise and good; the "wise" +insisted on keeping up the altar fires that they might appease the +blood-thirsty goddess by a continuous supply of victims (for the noble +purpose of saving the others); the "good" trusted to the decision of the +wise; they were humbly content to allow others to judge for them; for by +this means would they not secure some of the spoils? + +No, no; there was no help anywhere on earth, no help, no help. So ran +Hadria's thoughts, in the moments of vivid sensation, between sleeping +and waking. "Suffering, sacrifice, oppression: there is nothing else +under the sun, under the sun." + +Perhaps a brilliant beam that had found its way, like a message of +mercy, through the blind, and shone straight on to the pillow, had +suggested the form of the last thought. + +Hadria moved her hand into the ray, that she might feel the warmth and +"the illusion of kindness." + +There was one person, and at the moment, only one, whose existence was +comforting to remember. The hundreds of kind and good people, who were +merely kind and good where popular sentiment expected or commended such +conduct, gave no re-assurance; on the contrary, they proved the +desperation of our plight, since wisdom and goodness themselves were +busy at the savage work. + +When the party met at breakfast, an hour later, the Professor caused +universal consternation, by announcing that he would be obliged to +return to London on that very day, having received a letter, by the +morning's post, which left him no choice. The very butler paused, for a +perceptible period, while handing ham and eggs to the guest. Forks and +knives were laid down; letters remained unopened. + +"It's no use your attempting to go, my dear Chantrey," said Mr. +Fullerton, "we have grown accustomed to the luxury of your society, and +we can't get on without it." + +But the Professor explained that his departure was inevitable, and that +he must go by the morning train. + +He and Hadria had time for a short walk to the river, by the pathway of +the tunnels. + +"What are your plans for the winter?" the Professor asked. "I hope that +you will find time to develop your musical gift. It ought to be used and +not wasted, or worse than wasted, as all forces are, unless they find +their legitimate outlet. Don't be persuaded to do fancy embroidery, as a +better mode of employing energy. You have peculiar advantages of a +hereditary kind, if only you can get a reasonable chance to use them. I +have unbounded faith in the Fullerton stock. It has all the elements +that ought to produce powers of the highest order. You know I have +always cherished a warm affection for your parents, but ten years more +of experience have taught me better how to value that sterling sincerity +and honour in your father, united with so much kindliness, not to +mention his qualities of brain; and then your mother's strong sense of +duty, her ability, her native love of art, and her wonderful devotion. +These are qualities that one does not meet with every day, and the +children of such parents start in life with splendid material to fashion +into character and power." + +"Algitha will be worthy of our parents, I think," said Hadria, "though +she has commenced her career by disobeying them." + +"And you too must turn your power to account." + +"You can't conceive how difficult it is." + +"I can very easily. I see that the sacrifice of her own development, +which your mother has made for your sakes, is taking its inevitable +revenge upon her, and upon you all. One can't doom one's best powers to +decay, however excellent the motive, without bringing punishment upon +oneself and one's children, in some form or other. You will have to +fight against that penalty. I know you will not have a smooth time of +it; but who has, except cowards and weaklings? Your safeguard will be in +your work." + +"And my difficulty," said Hadria. "In the world that I was born into +(for my sins), when one tries to do something that other people don't +do, it is like trying to get up early in a house where the +breakfast-hour is late. Nothing fits in with one's eccentric custom; +everything conspires to discourage it." + +"I wish I could give you a helping hand," said the Professor wistfully; +"but one is so powerless. Each of us has to fight the real battle of +life alone. Nobody can see with our eyes, or feel with our nerves. The +crux of the difficulty each bears for himself. But friendship can help +us to believe the struggle worth while; it can sustain our courage and +it can offer sympathy in victory,--but still more faithfully in +defeat." + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +Hadria had determined upon making a strong and patient effort to pursue +her work during the winter, while doing her best, at the same time, to +please her mother, and to make up to her, as well as she could, for +Algitha's departure. She would not be dismayed by difficulties: as the +Professor said, only cowards and weaklings escaped these. She treated +herself austerely, and found her power of concentration increasing, and +her hold on herself greater. But, as usual, her greatest effort had to +be given, not to the work itself, but to win opportunity to pursue it. +Mrs. Fullerton opposed her daughter's endeavours as firmly as ever. It +was not good for a girl to be selfishly pre-occupied. She ought to think +of others. + +If Hadria yielded the point on any particular occasion, her mood and +her work were destroyed: if she resisted, they were equally destroyed, +through the nervous disturbance and the intense depression which +followed the winning of a liberty too dearly bought. The incessant +rising and quelling of her impulse and her courage--like the ebb and +flow of tides--represented a vast amount of force not merely wasted, but +expended in producing a dangerous wear and tear upon the system. The +process told upon her health, and was the beginning of the weakening and +unbalancing of the splendid constitution which Hadria, in common with +every member of the family, enjoyed as a birthright. The injury was +insidious but serious. Hadria, unable to command any certain part of the +day, began to sit up at night. This led to a direct clash of wills. Mr. +Fullerton said that the girl was doing her best to ruin her health for +life; Mrs. Fullerton wished to know why Hadria, who had all the day at +her disposal, could not spend the night rationally. + +"But I haven't all the day, or any part of it, for certain," said +Hadria. + +"If you grudge the little services you do for me, pray abandon them," +said the mother, genuinely hurt. + +Hadria entered her room, one evening, tired out and profoundly +depressed. A table, covered with books, stood beside the fire. She gave +the top-heavy pile an impatient thrust and the mass fell, with a great +crash, to the floor. A heap of manuscript--her musical achievement for +the past year--was involved in the fall. She contemplated the wreck +gravely. + +"Yes, it is I who am weak, not circumstance that is strong. If I could +keep my mind unmoved by the irritations; if I could quarrel with mother, +and displease father, and offend all the world without a qualm, or +without losing the delicate balance of thought and mood necessary for +composition, then I should, to some extent, triumph over my circumstances; +I should not lose so much time in this wretched unstringing. Only were I +so immovably constituted, is it probable that I should be able to compose +at all?" + +She drew the score towards her. "People are surprised that women have +never done anything noteworthy in music. People are so intelligent!" She +turned over the pages critically. If only this instinct were not so +overwhelmingly strong! Hadria wondered how many other women, from the +beginning of history, had cursed the impulse to create! Fortunately, it +was sometimes extinguished altogether, as to-night, for instance, when +every impression, every desire was swept clean out of her, and her mind +presented a creditable blank, such as really ought to satisfy the most +exacting social mentor. In such a state, a woman might be induced to +accept anything! + +Hadria brought out two letters from her pocket; one from the Professor, +the other from Miss Du Prel. The latter had been writing frequently of +late, pointing out the danger of Hadria's exaggerated ideas, and the +probability of their ruining her happiness in life. Valeria had suffered +herself from "ideas," and knew how fatal they were. Life _could_ not +be exactly as one would have it, and it was absolutely necessary, in order +to avoid misery for oneself and others, to consent to take things more +or less as they were; to make up one's mind to bend a little, rather +than have to break, in the end. Things were never quite so shocking as +they seemed to one's youthful imagination. The world was made up of +compromises. Good was mixed with evil everywhere. The domestic idea, as +Hadria called it, might be, in its present phase, somewhat offensive, +but it could be redeemed in its application, in the details and +"extenuating circumstances." Valeria could not warn Hadria too earnestly +against falling into the mistake that Valeria herself had made. She had +repudiated the notion of anything short of an ideal union; a perfect +comradeship, without the shadow of restraint or bondage in the +relationship; and not having found it, she had refused the tie +altogether. She could not bring herself to accept the lesser thing, +having conceived the possibility of the greater. She now saw her error, +and repented it. She was reaping the penalty in a lonely and unsatisfied +life. For a long time her work had seemed to suffice, but she felt now +that she had been trusting to a broken reed. She was terrified at her +solitude. She could not face the thought of old age, without a single +close tie, without a home, without a hold upon her race. + +She ended by entreating Hadria not to refuse marriage merely because she +could not find a man to agree with her in everything, or capable of +entering into the spirit of the relationship that perhaps would unite +the men and women of the future. It was a pity that Hadria had not been +born a generation later, but since she had come into the world at this +time of transition, she must try to avoid the tragedy that threatens all +spirits who are pointing towards the new order, while the old is still +working out its unexhausted impetus. + +This reiterated advice had begun to trouble Hadria. It did not convince +her, but Valeria's words were incessantly repeating themselves in her +mind; working as a ferment among her thoughts. + +The letters from Miss Du Prel and the Professor were to her, a source of +great pleasure and of great pain. In her depressed moods, they would +often rather increase her despondency, because the writers used to take +for granted so many achievements that she had not been able to accomplish. + +"They think I am living and progressing as they are; they do not know +that the riot and stir of intellectual life has ceased. I am like a +creature struggling in a quicksand." + +On the Professor's letter, the comments were of a different character. + +He had recommended her to read certain books, and reminded her that no +possessor of good books could lack the privilege of spiritual sanctuary. + +"Ah! yes, I know few pleasures so great as that of finding one's own +idea, or hope, or longing, finely expressed, half-born thoughts alive +and of stately stature; and then the exquisite touches of art upon quick +nerves, the enlarging of the realms of imagination, knowledge, the +heightening of perceptions, intuitions; finally the blessed power of +escaping from oneself, with the paradoxical reward of greater +self-realization! But, ah, Professor, to me there is a 'but' even here. +I am oppressed by a sense of the discrepancy between the world that +books disclose to me, and the world that I myself inhabit. In books, the +_impossibilities_ are all left out. They give you no sense of the sordid +Inevitable that looms so large on the grey horizon. Another more +personal quarrel that I have with books is on account of their attacking +all my pet prejudices, and sneering at the type of woman that I have the +misfortune to belong to. I am always exhorted to cure myself of being +myself. Nothing less would suffice. Now this is wounding. All my +particular feelings, my strongest beliefs, are condemned, directly or by +inference. I could almost believe that there is a literary conspiracy to +reform me. The "true women" of literature infallibly think and feel +precisely as I do _not_ think and feel, while the sentiments that I +detest--woe is me--are lauded to the skies. Truly, if we women don't +know exactly what we ought to think and feel, it is not for want of +telling. Yet you say, Professor, in this very letter, that the sense of +having a peculiar experience is always an illusion, that every feeling +of ours has been felt before, if not in our own day, then in the crowded +past, with its throngs of forgotten lives and unrecorded experiences. I +wish to heaven I could meet those who have had exactly mine!" + +Hadria did not keep up an active correspondence with Miss Du Prel or +with the Professor. She had no idea of adding to the burden of their +busy lives, by wails for sympathy. It seemed to her feeble, and +contemptible, to ask to be dragged up by their strength, instead of +exerting her own. If that were insufficient, why then let her go down, +as thousands had gone down before her. As a miser telling his gold, she +would read and re-read those occasional letters, written amidst the +stress of life at high pressure, and bearing evidence of that life of +thought and work, in their tense, full-packed phrases. With what a throb +of longing and envy Hadria used to feel the vibration through her own +nerves! It was only when completely exhausted and harassed that the +response was lacking. To-night everything seemed to be obliterated. Her +hope, her interest were, for the moment, tired out. Her friends would be +disappointed in her, but there was no help for it. + +She picked up the score of her music, and stood, with a handful of the +once precious offspring of her brain held out towards the flames. Then +she drew it back, and half closed her eyes in self-scrutinizing thought. +"Come now," she said to herself, "are you sincere in your intention of +giving up? Are you not doing this in a fit of spite against destiny? as +if destiny cared two straws. Heavens! what a poor little piece of +melodrama. And to think that you should have actually taken yourself in +it by it. One acts so badly with only oneself for audience. You know +perfectly well that you are _not_ going to give in, you are _not_ going +to attempt to stifle that which is the centre of your life; you have not +courage for such slow suicide. Don't add insincerity to the other faults +that are laid to your account----" She mused over the little +self-administered lecture. And probing down into her consciousness, she +realized that she could not face the thought of surrender. She meant to +fight on. The notion of giving in had been seized instinctively, for a +moment of rest. Nothing should really make her cease the struggle, until +the power itself had been destroyed. She was sure of it, in her heart, +in spite of failures and miserably inadequate expressions of it. +Suddenly, as a shaft of light through parting clouds, came bursting +forth, radiant, rejoicing, that sense of power, large, resistless, +genial as morning sunshine. Yes, yes, let them say what they might, +discourage, smile, or frown as they would, the faculty was given to her, +and she would fight for opportunity to use it while she had breath. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +As if it had all been ingeniously planned, the minutest incidents and +conditions of Hadria's life conspired towards the event that was to +decide its drift for ever. + +Often, in the dim afternoon, she would sit by the window and watch the +rain sweeping across the country, longing then for Temperley's music, +which used to make the wild scene so unspeakably beautiful. Now there +was no music, no music anywhere, only this fierce and mournful rush of +the wind, which seemed as if it were trying to utter some universal +grief. At sunset, braving the cold, she would mount the creaking +staircase, pass along the silent upper corridors, and on through the +empty rooms to the garret in the tower. The solitude was a relief; the +strangeness of the scene appealed to some wild instinct, and to the +intense melancholy that lurks in the Celtic nature. + +Even at night, she did not shrink from braving the glooms and silences +of the deserted upper floor, nor the solitude of the garret, which +appeared the deeper, from the many memories of happy evenings that it +evoked. She wished Ernest would come home. It was so long since she had +seen her favourite brother. She could not bear the thought of his +drifting away from her. What talks they had had in this old garret! + +These nights in the tower, among the winds, soothed the trouble of her +spirit as nothing else had power to do. The mystery of life, the thrill +of existence, touched her with a strange joy that ran perilously near to +pain. What vast dim possibilities lurked out there, in the hollows of +the hills! What inspiration thundered in the voice of the prophet wind! + +Once, she had gone downstairs and out, alone, in a tearing storm, to +wander across the bleak pastures, wrapt round by the wind as by a flame; +at one with the desperate elemental thing. + +The wanderer felt herself caught into the heart of some vast unknown +power, of which the wind was but a thrall, until she became, for a +moment, consciously part of that which was universal. Her personality +grew dim; she stood, as it seemed, face to face with Nature, divided +from the ultimate truth by only a thin veil, to temper the splendour and +the terror. Then the tension of personal feeling was loosened. She saw +how entirely vain and futile were the things of life that we grieve and +struggle over. + +It was not a side, an aspect of existence, but the whole of it that +seemed to storm round her, in the darkness. No wonder, when the wind was +let loose among the mountains, that the old Highland people thought that +their dead were about them. All night long, after Hadria returned to her +room in the keep, the wind kept up its cannonade against the walls, +hooting in the chimneys with derisive voices, and flinging itself, in +mad revolt, against the old-established hills and the stable earth, +which changed its forms only in slow obedience to the persuadings of the +elements, in the passing of centuries. It cared nothing for the passion +of a single storm. + +And then came reaction, doubt. After all, humanity was a puny production +of the Ages. Men and women were like the struggling animalculae that her +father had so often shewn the boys, in a drop of magnified ditch-water; +yet not quite like those microscopic insects, for the stupendous +processes of life had at last created a widening consciousness, a mind +which could perceive the bewildering vastness of Nature and its own +smallness, which could, in some measure, get outside its own particular +ditch, and the strife and struggle of it, groping upwards for larger +realities-- + + "Over us stars and under us graves." + +To go down next morning to breakfast; to meet the usual homely events, +was bewildering after such a night. Which was dream: this or that? So +solid and convincing seemed, at times, the interests and objects of +every day, that Hadria would veer round to a sudden conviction that +these things, or what they symbolized, were indeed the solid facts of +human life, and that all other impressions arose from the disorderly +working of overcharged brain-cells. It was a little ailment of youth +and would pass off. Had it been possible to describe to her father the +impressions made upon her by the world and Nature, as they had presented +themselves to her imagination from her childhood, he would have +prescribed change of air and gymnastics. Perhaps that was the really +rational view of the matter. But what if these hygienic measures cured +her of the haunting consciousness of mystery and vastness; what if she +became convinced of the essential importance of the Gordon pedigree, or +of the amount of social consideration due to the family who had taken +Clarenoc? Would that alter the bewildering truths of which she would +have ceased to think? + +No; it would only mean that the animalcule had returned to the +occupations of its ditch, while the worlds and the peoples went spinning +to their destiny. + +"Do the duty that lies nearest thee," counselled everybody: people of +all kinds, books of all kinds. "Cheap, well-sounding advice," thought +Hadria, "sure of popularity! Continue to wriggle industriously, O +animalcule, in that particular ditch wherein it has pleased heaven to +place thee; seek not the flowing stream and the salt ocean; and if, some +clear night, a star finds room to mirror itself in thy little stagnant +world, shining through the fat weeds and slime that almost shut out the +heavens, pray be careful not to pay too much heed to the high-born +luminary. Look to your wriggling; that is your proper business. An +animalcule that does not wriggle must be morbid or peculiar. All will +tender, in different forms of varying elegance, the safe and simple +admonition: 'Wriggle and be damned to you!'" + + * * * * * + +It was at this somewhat fevered moment, that Hubert Temperley appeared, +once more, upon the scene. Hadria was with her mother, taking tea at +Drumgarren, when Mrs. Gordon, catching the sounds of carriage wheels, +announced that she was expecting Hubert and his sister for a visit. In +another second, the travellers were in the drawing-room. + +Hubert's self-possession was equal to the occasion. He introduced his +sister to Mrs. Fullerton and Hadria. Miss Temperley was his junior by a +year; a slight, neatly-built young woman, with a sort of tact that went +on brilliantly up to a certain point, and then suddenly collapsed +altogether. She had her brother's self-complacency, and an air of +encouragement which Mrs. Gordon seemed to find most gratifying. + +She dressed perfectly, in quiet Parisian fashion. Hadria saw that her +brother had taken her into his confidence, or she concluded so from +something in Miss Temperley's manner. The latter treated Hadria with a +certain familiarity, as if she had known her for some time, and she had +a way of seeming to take her apart, when addressing her, as if there +were a sort of understanding between them. It was here that her instinct +failed her; for she seemed unaware that this assumption of an intimacy +that did not exist was liable to be resented, and that it might be +unpleasant to be expected to catch special remarks sent over the heads +of the others, although ostensibly for the common weal. + +Hadria thought that she had never seen so strange a contrast as this +young woman's behaviour, within and without the circle of her +perceptions. It was the more remarkable, since her mind was bent upon +the details and niceties of conduct, and the _nuances_ of existence. + +"I shall come and see you as soon as I can," she promised, when Mrs. +Fullerton rose to leave. + +Miss Temperley kept her word. She was charmed with the old house, +praising authoritatively. + +"This is an excellent piece of carving; far superior to the one in the +dining-room. Ah, yes, that is charming; so well arranged. You ought to +have a touch of blue there to make it perfect." + +Hubert shewed good taste in keeping away from Dunaghee, except to pay +his call on Mr. and Mrs. Fullerton. + +"Hadria," said his sister, "I am going to call you by your pretty +Christian name, and I want you to call me Henriette. I feel I have known +you much longer than ten days, because Hubert has told me so much about +you, and your music. You play charmingly. So much native talent. You +want good training, of course; but you really might become a brilliant +performer. Hubert is quite distressed that you should not enjoy more +advantages. I should like so much if you could come and stay with us in +town, and have some good lessons. Do think of it." + +Hadria flushed. "Oh, thank you, I could not do that--I----" + +"I understand you, dear Hadria," said Henriette, drawing her chair +closer to the fire. "You know, Hubert can never keep anything of great +importance from me." She looked arch. + +Hadria muttered something that might have discouraged a less persistent +spirit, but Miss Temperley paid no attention. + +"Poor Hubert! I have had to be a ministering angel to him during these +last months." + +"Why do you open up this subject, Miss Temperley?" + +"_Henriette_, if you please," cried that young woman, with the air of +a playful potentate who has requested a favoured courtier to drop the +ceremonious "Your Majesty" in private conversation. + +"It was I who made him accept Mrs. Gordon's invitation. He very nearly +refused it. He feared that it would be unpleasant for you. But I +insisted on his coming. Why should he not? He would like so much to come +here more often, but again he fears to displease you. He is not a +Temperley for nothing. They are not of the race of fools who rush in +where angels fear to tread." + +"Are they not?" asked Hadria absently. + +"We both see your difficulty," Miss Temperley went on. "Hubert would not +so misunderstand you--the dear fellow is full of delicacy--and I should +dearly love to hear him play to your accompaniment; he used to enjoy +those practices so much. Would you think him intrusive if he brought his +_'cello_ some afternoon?" + +Hadria, not without an uneasy qualm, agreed to the suggestion, though by +no means cordially. + +Accordingly brother and sister arrived, one afternoon, for the practice. +Henriette took the leadership, visibly employed tact and judgment, +talked a great deal, and was surprisingly delicate, as beseemed a +Temperley. Hadria found the occasion somewhat trying nevertheless, and +Hubert stumbled, at first, in his playing. In a few minutes, however, +both musicians became possessed by the music, and then all went well. +Henriette sat in an easy chair and listened critically. Now and then she +would call out "bravo," or "admirable," and when the performance was +over, she was warm in her congratulations. + +Hadria was flushed with the effort and pleasure of the performance. + +"I never heard Hubert's playing to such advantage," said his sister. "I +seem to hear it for the first time. You really ought to practise +together often." Another afternoon was appointed; Henriette left Hadria +almost no choice. + +After the next meeting, the constraint had a little worn off, and the +temptation to continue the practising was very strong. Henriette's +presence was reassuring. And then Hubert seemed so reasonable, and had +apparently put the past out of his mind altogether. + +After the practice, brother and sister would linger a little in the +drawing-room, chatting. Hubert appeared to advantage in his sister's +society. She had a way of striking his best vein. Her own talent ran +with his, appealed to it, and created the conditions for its display. +Her presence and inspiration seemed to produce, on his ability, a sort +of cumulative effect. Henriette set all the familiar machinery in +motion; pressed the right button, and her brother became brilliant. + +A slight touch of diffidence in his manner softened the effect of his +usual complacency. Hadria liked him better than she had liked him on his +previous visit. His innate refinement appealed to her powerfully. +Moreover, he was cultivated and well-read, and his society was +agreeable. Oh, why did this everlasting matrimonial idea come in and +spoil everything? Why could not men and women have interests in common, +without wishing instantly to plunge into a condition of things which +hampered and crippled them so miserably? + +Hadria was disposed to underrate all defects, and to make the most of +all virtues in Hubert, at the present moment. He had come at just the +right time to make a favourable impression upon her; for the loneliness +of her life had begun to leave its mark, and to render her extremely +sensitive to influence. + +She was an alien among the people of her circle; and she felt vaguely +guilty in failing to share their ideas and ambitions. Their glances, +their silences, conveyed a world of cold surprise and condemnation. + +Hubert was tolerance itself compared with the majority of her +associates. She felt almost as if he had done her a personal kindness +when he omitted to look astonished at her remarks, or to ignore them as +"awkward." + +Yet she felt uneasy about this renewal of the practices, and tried to +avoid them as often as possible, though sorely against her inclination. +They were so great a relief and enjoyment. Her inexperience, and her +carelessness of conventional standards, put her somewhat off her guard. +Hubert showed no signs of even remembering the interview of last year, +that had been cut short by her father's entrance. Why should _she_ +insist on keeping it in mind? It was foolish. Moreover she had been +expressly given to understand, in a most pointed manner, that her +conduct would not be misinterpreted if she allowed him to come +occasionally. + +From several remarks that Temperley made, she saw that he too regarded +the ordinary domestic existence with distaste. It offended his +fastidiousness. He was fastidious to his finger-tips. It amused Hadria +to note the contrast between him and Mr. Gordon, who was a typical +father of a family; limited in his interests to that circle; an amiable +ruler of a tiny, somewhat absurd little world, pompous and important and +inconceivably dull. + +The _bourgeois_ side of this life was evidently displeasing to Hubert. +Good taste was his fetish. From his remarks about women, Hadria was led +to observe how subtly critical he was with regard to feminine qualities, +and wondered if his preference for herself ought to be regarded as a +great compliment. + +Henriette congratulated her on having been admired by the fastidious +Hubert. + +"Let us hope it speaks well for me," Hadria replied with a cynical +smile, "but I have so often noticed that men who are very difficult to +please, choose for the domestic hearth the most dreary and unattractive +woman of their acquaintance! I sometimes doubt if men ever do marry the +women they most admire." + +"They do, when they can win them," said Henriette. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +During Henriette's visit, one of the meetings of the Preposterous +Society fell due, and she expressed a strong wish to be present. She +also craved the privilege of choosing the subject of discussion. +Finally, she received a formal request from the members to give the +lecture herself. She was full of enthusiasm about the Society (such an +educating influence!), and prepared her paper with great care. There had +been a tendency among the circle, to politely disagree with Henriette. +Her ideas respecting various burning topics were at variance with the +trend of opinion at Dunaghee, and Miss Temperley was expected to take +this opportunity of enlightening the family. The family was equally +resolved not to be enlightened. + +"I have chosen for my subject to-night," said the lecturer, "one that is +beginning to occupy public attention very largely: I mean the sphere of +woman in society." + +The audience, among whom Hubert had been admitted at his sister's +earnest request, drew themselves together, and a little murmur of battle +ran along the line. Henriette's figure, in her well-fitting Parisian +gown, looked singularly out of place in the garret, with the crazy old +candle-holder beside her, the yellow flame of the candle flinging +fantastic shadows on the vaulted roof, preposterously distorting her +neat form, as if in wicked mockery. The moonlight streamed in, as usual +on the nights chosen by the Society for their meetings. + +Henriette's paper was neatly expressed, and its sentiments were +admirable. She maintained a perfect balance between the bigotry of the +past and the violence of the present. Her phrases seemed to rock, like +a pair of scales, from excess to excess, on either side. She came to +rest in the exact middle. This led to the Johnsonian structure, or, as +Hadria afterwards said, to the style of a _Times_ leading article: +"While we remember on the one hand, we must not forget on the other----" + +At the end of the lecture, the audience found themselves invited to +sympathize cautiously and circumspectly with the advancement of women, +but led, at the same time, to conclude that good taste and good feeling +forbade any really nice woman from moving a little finger to attain, or +to help others to attain, the smallest fraction more of freedom, or an +inch more of spiritual territory, than was now enjoyed by her sex. When, +at some future time, wider privileges should have been conquered by the +exertions of someone else, then the really nice woman could saunter in +and enjoy the booty. But till then, let her leave boisterous agitation +to others, and endear herself to all around her by her patience and her +loving self-sacrifice. + +"That pays better for the present," Hadria was heard to mutter to an +adjacent member. + +The lecturer, in her concluding remarks, gave a smile of ineffable +sweetness, sadly marred, however, by the grotesque effect of the +flickering shadows that were cast on her face by the candle. After all, +_duty_ not _right_ was the really important matter, and the lecturer +thought that it would be better if one heard the former word rather +oftener in connection with the woman's question, and the latter word +rather more seldom. Then, with new sweetness, and in a tone not to be +described, she went on to speak of the natural responsibilities and joys +of her sex, drawing a moving, if somewhat familiar picture of those +avocations, than which she was sure there could be nothing higher or +holier. + +For some not easily explained cause, the construction of this sentence +gave it a peculiar unctuous force: "than which," as Fred afterwards +remarked, "would have bowled over any but the most hardened sinner." + +For weeks after this memorable lecture, if any very lofty altitude had +to be ascended in conversational excursions, the aspirant invariably +smiled with ineffable tenderness and lightly scaled the height, +murmuring "than which" to a vanquished audience. + +The lecture was followed by a discussion that rather took the stiffness +out of Miss Temperley's phrases. The whole party was roused. Algitha had +to whisper a remonstrance to the boys, for their solemn questions were +becoming too preposterous. The lecture was discussed with much warmth. +There was a tendency to adopt the form "than which" with some frequency. +Bursts of laughter startled a company of rats in the wainscoting, and +there was a lively scamper behind the walls. No obvious opposition was +offered. Miss Temperley's views were examined with gravity, and indeed +in a manner almost pompous. But by the end of that trying process, they +had a sadly bedraggled and plucked appearance, much to their parent's +bewilderment. She endeavoured to explain further, and was met by +guilelessly intelligent questions, which had the effect of depriving the +luckless objects of their solitary remaining feather. The members of the +society continued to pine for information, and Miss Temperley +endeavoured to provide it, till late into the night. The discussion +finally drifted on to dangerous ground. Algitha declared that she +considered that no man had any just right to ask a woman to pledge +herself to love him and live with him for the rest of her life. How +_could_ she? Hubert suggested that the woman made the same claim on the +man. + +"Which is equally absurd," said Algitha. "Just as if any two people, +when they are beginning to form their characters, could possibly be sure +of their sentiments for the rest of their days. They have no business to +marry at such an age. They are bound to alter." + +"But they must regard it as their duty not to alter with regard to one +another," said Henriette. + +"Quite so; just as they ought to regard it as their duty among other +things, not to grow old," suggested Fred. + +"Then, Algitha, do you mean that they may fall in love elsewhere?" +Ernest inquired. + +"They very likely _will_ do so, if they make such an absurd start," +Algitha declared. + +"And if they do?" + +"Then, if the sentiment stands test and trial, and proves genuine, and +not a silly freak, the fact ought to be frankly faced. Husband and wife +have no business to go on keeping up a bond that has become false and +irksome." + +Miss Temperley broke into protest. "But surely you don't mean to defend +such faithlessness." + +Algitha would not admit that it _was_ faithlessness. She said it was +mere honesty. She could see nothing inherently wrong in falling in love +genuinely after one arrived at years of discretion. She thought it +inherently idiotic, and worse, to make a choice that ought to be for +life, at years of _in_discretion. Still, people _were_ idiotic, and +that must be considered, as well as all the other facts, such as the +difficulty of really knowing each other before marriage, owing to social +arrangements, and also owing to the training, which made men and women +always pose so ridiculously towards one another, pretending to be +something that they were not. + +"Well done, Algitha," cried Ernest, laughing; "I like to hear you speak +out. Now tell me frankly: supposing you married quite young, before you +had had much experience; supposing you afterwards found that you and +your husband had both been deceiving yourselves and each other, +unconsciously perhaps; and suppose, when more fully awakened and +developed, you met another fellow and fell in love with him genuinely, +what would you do?" + +"Oh, she would just mention it to her husband casually," Fred interposed +with a chuckle, "and disappear." + +"I should certainly not go through terrific emotions and +self-accusations, and think the end of the world had come," said Algitha +serenely. "I should calmly face the situation." + +"Calmly! She by supposition being madly in love!" ejaculated Fred, with +a chuckle. + +"Calmly," repeated Algitha. "And I should consider carefully what would +be best for all concerned. If I decided, after mature consideration and +self-testing, that I ought to leave my husband, I should leave him, as I +should hope he would leave me, in similar circumstances. That is my idea +of right." + +"And is this also your idea of right, Miss Fullerton?" asked Temperley, +turning, in some trepidation, to Hadria. + +"That seems to me right in the abstract. One can't pronounce for +particular cases where circumstances are entangled." + +Hubert sank back in his chair, and ran his hand over his brow. He seemed +about to speak, but he checked himself. + +"Where did you get such extraordinary ideas from?" cried Miss Temperley. + +"They were like Topsy; they growed," said Fred. + +"We have been in the habit of speculating freely on all subjects," said +Ernest, "ever since we could talk. This is the blessed result!" + +"I am not quite so sure now, that the Preposterous Society meets with my +approval," observed Miss Temperley. + +"If you had been brought up in the bosom of this Society, Miss +Temperley, you too, perhaps, would have come to this. Think of it!" + +"Does your mother know what sort of subjects you discuss?" + +There was a shout of laughter. "Mother used often to come into the +nursery and surprise us in hot discussion on the origin of evil," said +Hadria. + +"Don't you believe what she says, Miss Temperley," cried Fred; "mother +never could teach Hadria the most rudimentary notions of accuracy." + +"Her failure with my brothers, was in the department of manners," Hadria +observed. + +"Then she does _not_ know what you talk about?" persisted Henriette. + +"You ask her," prompted Fred, with undisguised glee. + +"She never attends our meetings," said Algitha. + +"Well, well, I cannot understand it!" cried Miss Temperley. "However, +you don't quite know what you are talking about, and one mustn't blame +you." + +"No, don't," urged Fred; "we are a sensitive family." + +"Shut up!" cried Ernest with a warning frown. + +"Oh, you are a coarse-grained exception; I speak of the family average," +Fred answered with serenity. + +Henriette felt that nothing more could be done with this strange +audience. Her business was really with the President of the Society. The +girl was bent on ruining her life with these wild notions. Miss Temperley +decided that it would be better to talk to Hadria quietly in her own room, +away from the influence of these eccentric brothers and that extraordinary +sister. After all, it was Algitha who had originated the shocking view, +not Hadria, who had merely agreed, doubtless out of a desire to support +her sister. + +"I have not known you for seven years, but I am going to poke your +fire," said Henriette, when they were established in Hadria's room. + +"I never thought you would wait so long as that," was Hadria's ambiguous +reply. + +Then Henriette opened her batteries. She talked without interruption, +her companion listening, agreeing occasionally with her adversary, in a +disconcerting manner; then falling into silence. + +"It seems to me that you are making a very terrible mistake in your +life, Hadria. You have taken up a fixed idea about domestic duties and +all that, and are going to throw away your chances of forming a happy +home of your own, out of a mere prejudice. You may not admire Mrs. +Gordon's existence; for my part I think she leads a very good, useful +life, but there is no reason why all married lives should be like hers." + +"Why are they, then?" + +"I don't see that they are." + +"It is the prevailing type. It shows the way the domestic wind blows. +Fancy having to be always resisting such a wind. What an oblique, +shorn-looking object one would be after a few years!" + +Henriette grew eloquent. She recalled instances of women who had +fulfilled all their home duties, and been successful in other walks as +well; she drew pictures in attractive colours of Hadria in a home of her +own, with far more liberty than was possible under her parents' roof; +and then she drew another picture of Hadria fifteen years hence at +Dunaghee. + +Hadria covered her face with her hands. "You who uphold all these social +arrangements, how do you feel when you find yourself obliged to urge me +to marry, not for the sake of the positive joys of domestic existence, +but for the merely negative advantage of avoiding a hapless and forlorn +state? You propose it as a _pis-aller_. Does _that_ argue that all is +sound in the state of Denmark?" + +"If you had not this unreasonable objection to what is really a woman's +natural destiny, the difficulty would not exist." + +"Have women no pride?" + +Henriette did not answer. + +"Have they no sense of dignity? If one marries (accepting things on the +usual basis, of course) one gives to another person rights and powers +over one's life that are practically boundless. To retain one's +self-direction in case of dispute would be possible only on pain of +social ruin. I have little enough freedom now, heaven knows; but if I +married, why my very thoughts would become the property of another. +Thought, emotion, love itself, must pass under the yoke! There would be +no nook or corner entirely and indisputably my own." + +"I should not regard that as a hardship," said Henriette, "if I loved my +husband." + +"I should consider it not only a hardship, but beyond endurance." + +"But, my dear, you are impracticable." + +"That is what I think domestic life is!" Hadria's quiet tone was +suddenly changed to one of scorn. "You talk of love; what has love +worthy of the name to do with this preposterous interference with the +freedom of another person? If _that_ is what love means--the craving +to possess and restrain and demand and hamper and absorb, and generally +make mincemeat of the beloved object, then preserve me from the +master-passion." + +Henriette was baffled. "I don't know how to make you see this in a truer +light," she said. "There is something to my mind so beautiful in the +close union of two human beings, who pledge themselves to love and +honour one another, to face life hand in hand, to share every thought, +every hope, to renounce each his own wishes for the sake of the other." + +"That sounds very elevating; in practice it breeds Mr. and Mrs. Gordon." + +"Do you mean to tell me you will never marry on this account?" + +"I would never marry anyone who would exact the usual submissions and +renunciations, or even desire them, which I suppose amounts almost to +saying that I shall never marry at all. What man would endure a wife who +demanded to retain her absolute freedom, as in the case of a close +friendship? The man is not born!" + +"You seem to forget, dear Hadria, in objecting to place yourself under +the yoke, as you call it, that your husband would also be obliged to +resign part of _his_ independence to you. The prospect of loss of +liberty in marriage often prevents a man from marrying ("Wise man!" +ejaculated Hadria), so you see the disadvantage is not all on one side, +if so you choose to consider it." + +"Good heavens! do you think that the opportunity to interfere with +another person would console me for being interfered with myself? I +don't want my share of the constraining power. I would as soon accept +the lash of a slave-driver. This moral lash is almost more odious than +the other, for its thongs are made of the affections and the domestic +'virtues,' than which there can be nothing sneakier or more detestable!" + +Henriette heaved a discouraged sigh. "You are wrong, my dear Hadria," +she said emphatically; "you are wrong, wrong, wrong." + +"How? why?" + +"One can't have everything in this life. You must be willing to resign +part of your privileges for the sake of the far greater privileges that +you acquire." + +"I can imagine nothing that would compensate for the loss of freedom, +the right to oneself." + +"What about love?" murmured Henriette. + +"Love!" echoed Hadria scornfully. "Do you suppose I could ever love a +man who had the paltry, ungenerous instinct to enchain me?" + +"Why use such extreme terms? Love does not enchain." + +"Exactly what I contend," interrupted Hadria. + +"But naturally husband and wife have claims." + +"Naturally. I have just been objecting to them in what you describe as +extreme terms." + +"But I mean, when people care for one another, it is a joy to them to +acknowledge ties and obligations of affection." + +"Ah! one knows what _that_ euphemism means!" + +"Pray what does it mean?" + +"That the one serious endeavour in the life of married people is to be +able to call each other's souls their own." + +Henriette stared. + +"My language may not be limpid." + +"Oh, I see what you mean. I was only wondering who can have taught you +all these strange ideas." + +Hadria at length gave way to a laugh that had been threatening for some +time. + +"My mother," she observed simply. + +Henriette gave it up. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +The family had reassembled for the New Year's festivities. The change in +Algitha since her departure from home was striking. She was gentler, +more affectionate to her parents, than of yore. The tendency to grow +hard and fretful had entirely disappeared. The sense of self was +obviously lessened with the need for self-defence. Hadria discovered +that an attachment was springing up between her sister and Wilfrid +Burton, about whom she wrote so frequently, and that this development of +her emotional nature, united with her work, had given a glowing centre +to her life which showed itself in a thousand little changes of manner +and thought. Hadria told her sister that she felt herself unreal and +fanciful in her presence. "I go twirling things round and round in my +head till I grow dizzy. But you compare ideas with fact; you even turn +ideas into fact; while I can get no hold on fact at all. Thoughts rise +as mists rise from the river, but nothing happens. I feel them begin to +prey upon me, working inwards." + +Algitha shook her head. "It is a mad world," she said. "Week after week +goes by, and there seems no lifting of the awful darkness in which the +lives of these millions are passed. We want workers by the thousand. +Yet, as if in mockery, the Devil keeps these well-fed thousands eating +their hearts out in idleness or artificial occupations till they become +diseased merely for want of something to do. Then," added Algitha, "His +Majesty marries them, and sets them to work to create another houseful +of idle creatures, who have to be supported by the deathly toil of those +who labour too much." + +"The devil is full of resources!" said Hadria. + +Miss Temperley had been asked to stay at Dunaghee for the New Year. +Algitha conceived for her a sentiment almost vindictive. Hadria and the +boys enjoyed nothing better than to watch Miss Temperley giving forth +her opinions, while Algitha's figure gradually stiffened and her neck +drew out, as Fred said, in truly telescopic fashion, like that of Alice +in Wonderland. The boys constructed a figure of cushions, stuffed into +one of Algitha's old gowns, the neck being a padded broom-handle, made +to work up and down at pleasure; and with this counterfeit presentment +of their sister, they used to act the scene amidst shouts of applause, +Miss Temperley entering, on one occasion, when the improvised cocoa-nut +head had reached its culminating point of high disdain, somewhere about +the level of the curtain-poles. + +On New-Year's-eve, Dunaghee was full of guests. There was to be a +children's party, to which however most of the grown-up neighbours were +also invited. + +"What a charming sight!" cried Henriette, standing with her neat foot on +the fender in the hall, where the children were playing blind man's +buff. + +Mrs. Fullerton sat watching them with a dreamy smile. The scene recalled +many an old memory. Mr. Fullerton was playing with the children. + +Everyone remarked how well the two girls looked in their new evening +gowns. They had made them themselves, in consequence of a wager with +Fred, who had challenged them to combine pink and green satisfactorily. + +"The gowns are perfect!" Temperley ventured to remark. "So much +distinction!" + +"All my doing," cried Fred. "I chose the colours." + +"Distinction comes from within," said Temperley. "I should like to see +what sort of gown in pink and green Mrs. ----." He stopped short +abruptly. + +Fred gave a chuckle. Indiscreet eyes wandered towards Mrs. Gordon's +brocade and silver. + +Later in the evening, that lady played dance music in a florid manner, +resembling her taste in dress. The younger children had gone home, and +the hall was filled with spinning couples. + +"I hope we are to have some national dances," said Miss Temperley. "My +brother and I are both looking forward to seeing a true reel danced by +natives of the country." + +"Oh, certainly!" said Mr. Fullerton. "My daughters are rather celebrated +for their reels, especially Hadria." Mr. Fullerton executed a step or +two with great agility. + +"The girl gets quite out of herself when she is dancing," said Mrs. +Fullerton. "She won't be scolded about it, for she says she takes after +her father!" + +"That's the time to get round her," observed Fred. "If we want to set +her up to some real fun, we always play a reel and wait till she's well +into the spirit of the thing, and then, I'll wager, she would stick at +nothing." + +"It's a fact," added Ernest. "It really seems to half mesmerise her." + +"How very curious!" cried Miss Temperley. + +She and her brother found themselves watching the dancing a little apart +from the others. + +"I would try again to-night, Hubert," she said in a low voice. + +He was silent for a moment, twirling the tassel of the curtain. + +"There is nothing to be really alarmed at in her ideas, regrettable as +they are. She is young. That sort of thing will soon wear off after she +is married." + +Temperley flung away the tassel. + +"She doesn't know what she is talking about. These high-flown lectures +and discussions have filled all their heads with nonsense. It will have +to be rooted out when they come to face the world. No use to oppose her +now. Nothing but experience will teach her. She must just be humoured +for the present. They have all run a little wild in their notions. Time +will cure that." + +"I am sure of it," said Hubert tolerantly. "They don't know the real +import of what they say." He hugged this sentence with satisfaction. + +"They are like the young Russians one reads about in Turgenieff's +novels," said Henriette--"all ideas, no common-sense." + +"And you really believe----?" + +Henriette's hand was laid comfortingly on her brother's arm. + +"Dear Hubert, I know something of my sex. After a year of married life, +a woman has too many cares and responsibilities to trouble about ideas +of this kind, or of any other." + +"She strikes me as being somewhat persistent by nature," said Hubert, +choosing a gentler word than _obstinate_ to describe the quality in the +lady of his affections. + +"Let her be as persistent as she may, it is not possible for any woman +to resist the laws and beliefs of Society. What can she do against all +the world? She can't escape from the conditions of her epoch. Oh! she +may talk boldly now, for she does not understand; she is a mere infant +as regards knowledge of the world, but once a wife----" + +Henriette smiled and shook her head, by way of finish to her sentence. +Hubert mused silently for some minutes. + +"I could not endure that there should be any disturbance--any +eccentricity--in our life----" + +"My dear boy, if you don't trust to the teaching of experience to cure +Hadria of these fantastic notions, rely upon the resistless persuasions +of our social facts and laws. Nothing can stand against them--certainly +not the fretful heresies of an inexperienced girl, who, remember, is +really good and kind at heart." + +"Ah! yes," cried Hubert; "a fine nature, full of good instincts, and +womanly to her finger-tips." + +"Oh! if she were not that, _I_ would never encourage you to think of +her," cried Henriette with a shudder. "It is on this essential goodness +of heart that I rely. She would never be able, try as she might, to act +in a manner that would really distress those who were dear to her. You +may count upon that securely." + +"Yes; I am sure of it," said Hubert, "but unluckily" (he shook his head +and sighed) "I am not among those who are dear to her." + +He rose abruptly, and Henriette followed him. + +"Try to win her to-night," she murmured, "and be sure to express no +opposition to her ideas, however wild they may be. Ignore them, humour +her, plead your cause once more on this auspicious day--the last of the +old year. Something tells me that the new year will begin joyously for +you. Go now, and good luck to you." + +"Ah! here you are," cried Mr. Fullerton, "we were wondering what had +become of you. You said you wished to see a reel. Mrs. McPherson is so +good as to play for us." + +The kindly old Scottish dame had come, with two nieces, from a distance +of ten miles. + +A thrill ran through the company when the strange old tune began. +Everyone rushed for a partner, and two long rows of figures stood facing +one another, eager to start. Temperley asked Hadria to dance with him. +Algitha had Harold Wilkins for a partner. The two long rows were soon +stepping and twirling with zest and agility. A new and wilder spirit +began to possess the whole party. The northern blood took fire and +transfigured the dancers. The Temperleys seemed to be fashioned of +different clay; they were able to keep their heads. Several elderly +people had joined in the dance, performing their steps with a +conscientious dexterity that put some of their juniors to shame. Mr. +Fullerton stood by, looking on and applauding. + +"How your father seems to enjoy the sight!" said Temperley, as he met +his partner for a moment. + +"He likes nothing so well, and his daughters take after him." + +Hadria's reels were celebrated, not without reason. Some mad spirit +seemed to possess her. It would appear almost as if she had passed into +a different phase of character. She lost caution and care and the sense +of external events. + +When the dance was ended, Hubert led her from the hall. She went as if +in a dream. She would not allow herself to be taken beyond the sound of +the grotesque old dance music that was still going on, but otherwise she +was unresisting. + +He sat down beside her in a corner of the dining-room. Now and then he +glanced at his companion, and seemed about to speak. "You seem fond of +your national music," he at last remarked. + +"It fills me with bewildering memories," she said in a dreamy tone. "It +seems to recall--it eludes description--some wild, primitive +experiences--mountains, mists--I can't express what northern mysteries. +It seems almost as if I had lived before, among some ancient Celtic +people, and now, when I hear their music--or sometimes when I hear the +sound of wind among the pines--whiffs and gusts of something intensely +familiar return to me, and I cannot grasp it. It is very bewildering." + +"The only thing that happens to me of the kind is that curious sense of +having done a thing before. Strange to say, I feel it now. This moment +is not new to me." + +Hadria gave a startled glance at her companion, and shuddered. + +"I suppose it is all pre-ordained," she said. He was puzzled, but more +hopeful than usual. Hadria might almost have accepted him in sheer +absence of mind. He put the thought in different terms. He began to +speak more boldly. He gave his view of life and happiness, his +philosophy and religion. Hadria lazily agreed. She lay under a singular +spell. The bizarre old music smote still upon the ear. She felt as if +she were in the thrall of some dream whose events followed one another, +as the scenes of a moving panorama unfold themselves before the +spectators. Temperley began to plead his cause. Hadria, with a startled +look in her eyes, tried to check him. But her will refused to issue a +vigorous command. Even had he been hateful to her, which he certainly +was not, she felt that she would have been unable to wake out of the +nightmare, and resume the conduct of affairs. The sense of the +importance of personal events had entirely disappeared. What did it all +matter? "Over us stars and under us graves." The graves would put it all +right some day. As for attempting to direct one's fate, and struggle out +of the highways of the world--midsummer madness! It was not only the +Mrs. Gordons, but the Valeria Du Prels who told one so. Everybody said +(but in discreeter terms), "Disguise from yourself the solitude by +setting up little screens of affections, and little pompous affairs +about which you must go busily, and with all the solemnity that you can +muster." + +The savage builds his mud hut to shelter him from the wind and the rain +and the terror of the beyond. Outside is the wilderness ready to engulf +him. Rather than be left alone at the mercy of elemental things, with no +little hut, warm and dark and stuffy, to shelter one, a woman will +sacrifice everything--liberty, ambition, health, power, her very +dignity. There was a letter in Hadria's pocket at this moment, +eloquently protesting in favour of the mud hut. + +Hadria must have been appearing to listen favourably to Temperley's +pleading, for he said eagerly, "Then I have not spoken this time quite +in vain. I may hope that perhaps some day----" + +"Some day," repeated Hadria, passing her hand across her eyes. "It +doesn't really matter. I mean we make too much fuss about these trifles; +don't you think so?" She spoke dreamily. The music was jigging on with +strange merriment. + +"To me it matters very much indeed. I don't consider it a trifle," said +Temperley, in some bewilderment. + +"Oh, not to ourselves. But of what importance are we?" + +"None at all, in a certain sense," Temperley admitted; "but in another +sense we are all important. I cannot help being intensely personal at +this moment. I can't help grasping at the hope of happiness. Hadria, it +lies in your hand. Won't you be generous?" + +She gave a distressed gesture, and seemed to make some vain effort, as +when the victim of a nightmare struggles to overcome the paralysis that +holds him. + +"Then I may hope a little, Hadria--I _must_ hope." + +Still the trance seemed to hold her enthralled. The music was +diabolically merry. She could fancy evil spirits tripping to it in +swarms around her. They seemed to point at her, and wave their arms +around her, and from them came an influence, magnetic in its quality, +that forbade her to resist. All had been pre-arranged. Nothing could +avert it. She seemed to be waiting rather than acting. Against her inner +judgment, she had allowed those accursed practices to go on. Against her +instinct, she had permitted Henriette to become intimate at Dunaghee; +indeed it would have been hard to avoid it, for Miss Temperley was not +easy to discourage. Why had she assured Hadria so pointedly that Hubert +would not misinterpret her consent to renew the practices? Was it not a +sort of treachery? Had not Henriette, with her larger knowledge of the +world, been perfectly well aware that whatever might be said, the +renewal of the meetings would be regarded as encouragement? Did she not +know that Hadria herself would feel implicated by the concession? + +Temperley's long silence had been misleading. The danger had crept up +insidiously. And had she not been treacherous to herself? She had longed +for companionship, for music, for something to break the strain of her +wild, lonely life. Knowing, or rather half-divining the risk, she had +allowed herself to accept the chance of relief when it came. Lack of +experience had played a large part in the making of to-night's dilemma. +Hadria's own strange mood was another ally to her lover, and for that, +old Mrs. McPherson and her reels were chiefly responsible. Of such +flimsy trifles is the human fate often woven. + +"Tell me, did you ask your sister to----?" + +"No, no," Hubert interposed. "My sister knows of my hopes, and is +anxious that I should succeed." + +"I thought that she was helping you." + +"She would take any legitimate means to help me," said Hubert. "You +cannot resent that. Ah, Hadria, why will you not listen to me?" He bent +forward, covering his face with his hands in deep dejection. His hope +had begun to wane. + +"You know what I think," said Hadria. "You know how I should act if I +married. Surely that ought to cure you of all----." + +He seized her hand. + +"No, no, nothing that you may think could cure me of the hope of making +you my wife. I care for what you _are_, not for what you _think_. You +know how little I cling to the popular version of the domestic story. I +have told you over and over again that it offends me in a thousand ways. +I hate the _bourgeois_ element in it. What have we really to disagree +about?" + +He managed to be very convincing. He shewed that for a woman, life in +her father's house is far less free than in her own home; that existence +could be moulded to any shape she pleased. If Hadria hesitated only on +this account her last reason was gone. It was not fair to him. He had +been patient. He had kept silence for many months. But he could endure +the suspense no longer. He took her hand. Then suddenly she rose. + +"No, no. I can't, I can't," she cried desperately. + +"I will not listen to denial," he said following her. "I cannot stand a +second disappointment. You have allowed me to hope." + +"How? When? Never!" she exclaimed. + +"Ah, yes, Hadria. I am older than you and I have more experience. Do you +think a man will cease to hope while he continues to see the woman he +loves?" + +Hadria turned very pale. + +"You seemed to have forgotten--your sister assured me--Ah, it was +treacherous, it was cruel. She took advantage of my ignorance, my +craving for companionship." + +"No, it is you who are cruel, Hadria, to make such accusations. I do not +claim the slightest consideration because you permitted those practices. +But you cannot suppose that my feeling has not been confirmed and +strengthened since I have seen you again. Why should you turn from me? +Why may I not hope to win you? If you have no repugnance to me, why +should not I have a chance? Hadria, Hadria, answer me, for heaven's +sake. Oh, if I could only understand what is in your mind!" + +She would have found it a hard task to enlighten him. He had succeeded, +to some extent, in lulling her fears, not in banishing them, for a +sinister dread still muttered its warning beneath the surface thoughts. + +The strength of Temperley's emotion had stirred her. The magic of +personal influence had begun to tell upon her. It was so hard not to +believe when someone insisted with such certainty, with such obvious +sincerity, that everything would be right. He seemed so confident that +she could make him happy, strange as it appeared. Perhaps after all----? +And what a release from the present difficulties. But could one trust? A +confused mass of feeling struggled together. A temptation to give the +answer that would cause pleasure was very strong, and beneath all lurked +a trembling hope that perhaps this was the way of escape. In apparent +contradiction to this, or to any other hope, lay a sense of fatality, a +sad indifference, interrupted at moments by flashes of very desperate +caring, when suddenly the love of life, the desire for happiness and +experience, for the exercise of her power, for its use in the service of +her generation, became intense, and then faded away again, as obstacles +presented their formidable array before the mind. In the midst of the +confusion the thought of the Professor hovered vaguely, with a dim +distressing sense of something wrong, of something within her lost and +wretched and forlorn. + +Mrs. Fullerton passed through the room on the arm of Mr. Gordon. How +delighted her mother would be if she were to give up this desperate +attempt to hold out against her appointed fate. What if her mother and +Mrs. Gordon and all the world were perfectly right and far-seeing and +wise? Did it not seem more likely, on the face of it, that they _should_ +be right, considering the enormous majority of those who would agree +with them, than that she, Hadria, a solitary girl, unsupported by +knowledge of life or by fellow-believers, should have chanced upon the +truth? Had only Valeria been on her side, she would have felt secure, +but Valeria was dead against her. + +"We are not really at variance, believe me," Temperley pleaded. "You +state things rather more strongly than I do--a man used to knocking +about the world--but I don't believe there is any radical difference +between us." He worked himself up into the belief that there never were +two human beings so essentially at one, on all points, as he and Hadria. + +"Do you remember the debate that evening in the garret? Do you remember +the sentiments that scared your sister so much?" she asked. + +Temperley remembered. + +"Well, I don't hold those sentiments merely for amusement and +recreation. I mean them. I should not hesitate a moment to act upon +them. If things grew intolerable, according to my view of things, I +should simply go away, though twenty marriage-services had been read +over my head. Neither Algitha nor I have any of the notions that +restrain women in these matters. We would brook no such bonds. The usual +claims and demands we would neither make nor submit to. You heard +Algitha speak very plainly on the matter. So you see, we are entirely +unsuitable as wives, except to the impossible men who might share our +rebellion. Please let us go back to the hall. They are just beginning to +dance another reel." + +"I cannot let you go back. Oh, Hadria, you can't be so unjust as to +force me to break off in this state of uncertainty. Just give me a word +of hope, however slight, and I will be satisfied." + +Hadria looked astonished. "Have you really taken in what I have just +said?" + +"Every word of it." + +"And you realise that I mean it, _mean_ it, with every fibre of me." + +"I understand; and I repeat that I shall not be happy until you are my +wife. Have what ideas you please, only be my wife." + +She gazed at him in puzzled scrutiny. "You don't think I am really in +earnest. Let us go." + +"I know you are in earnest," he cried, eagerly following her, "and still +I----" + +At that moment Harold Wilkins came up to claim Hadria for a promised +dance. Temperley gave a gesture of impatience. But Harold insisted, and +Hadria walked with her partner into the hall where Mrs. Gordon was now +playing a sentimental waltz, with considerable poetic license as to +time. As everyone said: Mrs. Gordon played with so much expression. + +Temperley stood about in corners watching Hadria. She was flushed and +silent, dancing with a still gliding movement under the skilful guidance +of her partner. + +Temperley tried to win a glance as she passed round, but her eyes were +resolutely fixed on the floor. + +Algitha followed her sister's movements uneasily. She had noticed her +absence during the last reel, and observed that Temperley also was not +to be seen. She felt anxious. She knew Hadria's emotional +susceptibility. She knew Temperley's convincing faculty, and also +Hadria's uneasy feeling that she had done wrong in allowing the +practices to be resumed. + +Henriette had not failed to notice the signs of the times, and she +annoyed Algitha beyond endurance by her obviously sisterly manner of +addressing the family. She had taken to calling the boys by their first +names. + +Fred shared his sister's dislike to Henriette. "Tact!" he cried with a +snort, "why a Temperley rushes in where a bull in a china-shop would +fear to tread!" + +Algitha saw that Hubert was again by Hadria's side before the evening +was out. The latter looked white, and she avoided her sister's glance. +This last symptom seemed to Algitha the worst. + +"What's the matter with Hadria?" asked Fred, "she will scarcely speak to +me. I was just telling her the best joke I've heard this year, and, will +you believe me, she didn't see the point! Yes, you may well stare! I +tried again and she gave a nervous giggle; I am relating to you the +exact truth. Do any of the epidemics come on like that?" + +"Yes, one of the worst," said Algitha gloomily. Fred glared enquiry. + +"I am afraid she has been led into accepting Hubert Temperley." + +Fred opened his mouth and breathed deep. "Stuff! Hadria would as soon +think of selling her soul to the devil." + +"Oh, she is quite capable of that too," said Algitha, shaking her head. + +"Well, I'm blowed," cried Fred. + +Not long after this, the guests began to disperse. Mrs. Gordon and her +party were among the last to leave, having a shorter distance to go. + +Hubert Temperley was quiet and self-possessed, but Algitha felt sure +that she detected a look of suppressed exultation in his demeanour, and +something odiously brotherly in his mode of bidding them all good-night. + +When everyone had left, and the family were alone, they gathered round +the hall fire for a final chat, before dispersing for the night. + +"What a delightful evening we have had, Mrs. Fullerton," said Miss +Temperley. "It was most picturesque and characteristic. I shall always +remember the charm and kindliness of Scottish hospitality." + +"And I," said Ernest, _sotto voce_ to Algitha, "shall always remember +the calm and thoroughness of English cheek!" + +"Why, we had almost forgotten that the New Year is just upon us," +exclaimed Mr. Fullerton. The first stroke of twelve began to sound +almost as he spoke. He threw up the window and disclosed a night +brilliant with stars. ("And under us graves," said Hadria to herself.) + +They all crowded up, keeping silence as the slow strokes of the clock +told the hour. + +"A Happy New Year to all!" cried Mr. Fullerton heartily. + + + + +Part II. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + "... when the steam + Floats up from those dim fields about the homes + Of happy men that have the power to die." + _Tithonius_, TENNYSON. + + +A countryman with stooping gait touched his cap and bid good-day to a +young woman who walked rapidly along the crisp high road, smiling a +response as she passed. + +The road led gradually upward through a country blazing with red and +orange for rolling miles, till the horizon closed in with the far-off +blue of English hills. + +The old man slowly turned to watch the wayfarer, whose quick step and +the look in her eyes of being fixed on objects beyond their owner's +immediate ken, might have suggested to the observant, inward +perturbation. The lissom, swiftly moving figure was almost out of sight +before the old man slowly wheeled round and continued on his way towards +the hamlet of Craddock Dene, that lay in the valley about a mile further +on. Meanwhile the young woman was speeding towards the village of +Craddock on the summit of the gentle slope before her. A row of +broad-tiled cottages came in sight, and on the hill-side the Vicarage +among trees, and a grey stone church which had seen many changes since +its tower first looked out from the hill-top over the southern counties. + +The little village seemed as if it had forgotten to change with the rest +of the country, for at least a hundred years. The spirit of the last +century lingered in its quiet cottages, in the little ale-house with +half-obliterated sign, in its air of absolute repose and leisure. There +was no evidence of contest anywhere--except perhaps in a few mouldy +advertisements of a circus and of a remarkable kind of soap, that were +half peeling off a moss-covered wall. There were not even many +indications of life in the place. The sunshine seemed to have the +village street to itself. A couple of women stood gossiping over the +gate of one of the cottages. They paused in their talk as a quick step +sounded on the road. + +"There be Mrs. Temperley again!" one matron exclaimed. "Why this is the +second time this week, as she's come and sat in the churchyard along o' +the dead. Don't seem nat'ral to my thinking." + +Mrs. Dodge and Mrs. Gullick continued to discuss this gloomy habit with +exhaustive minuteness, involving themselves in side issues regarding the +general conduct of life on the part of Mrs. Temperley, that promised +solid material for conversation for the next week. It appeared from the +observations of Mrs. Gullick, whose husband worked on Lord Engleton's +model farm, that about five years ago Mr. Temperley had rented the Red +House at Craddock Dene, and had brought his new wife to live there. The +Red House belonged to Professor Fortescue, who also owned the Priory, +which had stood empty, said Mrs. Gullick, since that poor Mrs. Fortescue +killed herself in the old drawing-room. Mr. Temperley went every day to +town to attend to his legal business, and returned by the evening train +to the bosom of his family. That family now consisted in his wife and +two small boys; pretty little fellows, added Mrs. Dodge, the pride of +their parents' hearts; at least, so she had heard Mr. Joseph Fleming +say, and he was intimate at the Red House. Mrs. Gullick did not exactly +approve of Mrs. Temperley. The Red House was not, it would seem, an +ever-flowing fount of sustaining port wine and spiritually nourishing +literature. The moral evolution of the village had proceeded on those +lines. The prevailing feeling was vaguely hostile; neither Mrs. Gullick +nor Mrs. Dodge exactly knew why. Mrs. Dodge said that her husband (who +was the sexton and gravedigger) had found Mrs. Temperley always ready +for a chat. He spoke well of her. But Dodge was not one of many. Mrs. +Temperley was perhaps too sensitively respectful of the feelings of her +poorer neighbours to be very popular among them. At any rate, her habits +of seclusion did not seem to village philosophy to be justifiable in the +eyes of God or man. Her apparent fondness for the society of the dead +also caused displeasure. Why she went to the churchyard could not be +imagined: one would think she had a family buried there, she who was, +"as one might say, a stranger to the place," and could not be supposed +to have any interest in the graves, which held for her nor kith nor kin! + +Mrs. Temperley, however, appeared to be able to dispense with this +element of attraction in the "grassy barrows." She and a company of +youthful Cochin-China fowls remained for hours among them, on this +cheerful morning, and no observer could have determined whether it was +the graves or the fowls that riveted her attention. She had perched +herself on the stile that led from the churchyard to the fields: a +slender figure in serviceable russet and irresponsible-looking hat, +autumn-tinted too, in sympathy with the splendid season. In her ungloved +left hand, which was at once sensitive and firm, she carried a book, +keeping a forefinger between the pages to mark a passage. + +Her face bore signs of suffering, and at this moment, a look of baffled +and restless longing, as if life had been for her a festival whose +sounds came from a hopeless distance. Yet there was something in the +expression of the mouth, that suggested a consistent standing aloof from +herself and her desires. The lines of the face could never have been +drawn by mere diffusive, emotional habits. Thought had left as many +traces as feeling in the firm drawing. The quality of the face was of +that indefinable kind that gives to all characteristic things their +peculiar power over the imagination. The more powerful the quality, the +less can it be rendered into terms. It is the one marvellous, remaining, +musical fact not to be defined that makes the Parthenon, or some other +masterpiece of art, translate us to a new plane of existence, and +inspire, for the time being, the pessimist with hope and the sceptic +with religion. + +The Cochin-Chinas pecked about with a contented mien among the long +grass, finding odds and ends of nourishment, and here and there eking +out their livelihood with a dart at a passing fly. Their long, comic, +tufted legs, which seemed to form a sort of monumental pedestal whereon +the bird itself was elevated, stalked and scratched about with an air of +industrious serenity. + +There were few mornings in the year which left unstirred the grass which +grew long over the graves, but this was one of the few. Each blade stood +up still and straight, bearing its string of dewdrops. There were one or +two village sounds that came subdued through the sunshine. The winds +that usually haunted the high spot had fallen asleep, or were lying +somewhere in ambush among the woodlands beyond. + +The look of strain had faded from the face of Mrs. Temperley, leaving +only an expression of sadness. The removal of all necessity for +concealing thought allowed her story to write itself on her face. The +speculative would have felt some curiosity as to the cause of a sadness +in one seemingly so well treated by destiny. Neither poverty nor the +cares of great wealth could have weighed upon her spirit; she had +beauty, and a quality more attractive than beauty, which must have +placed many things at her command; she had evident talent--her very +attitude proclaimed it--and the power over Fortune that talent ought to +give. Possibly, the observer might reflect, the gift was of that kind +which lays the possessor peculiarly open to her outrageous slings and +arrows. Had Mrs. Temperley shown any morbid signs of self-indulgent +emotionalism the problem would have been simple enough; but this was +not the case. + +The solitude was presently broken by the approach of an old man laden +with pickaxe and shovel. He remarked upon the fineness of the day, and +took up his position at a short distance from the stile, where the turf +had been cleared away in a long-shaped patch. Here, with great +deliberation he began his task. The sound of his steady strokes fell on +the stillness. Presently, the clock from the grey tower gave forth its +announcement--eleven. One by one, the slow hammer sent the waves of air +rolling away, almost visibly, through the sunshine, their sound +alternating with the thud of the pickaxe, so as to produce an effect of +intentional rhythm. One might have fancied that clock and pickaxe +iterated in turn, "Time, Death! Time, Death! Time, Death!" till the +clock had come to the end of its tale, and then the pickaxe went on +alone in the stillness--"Death! Death! Death! Death!" + +A smile, not easy to be accounted for, flitted across the face of Mrs. +Temperley. + +The old gravedigger paused at last in his toil, leaning on his pickaxe, +and bringing a red cotton handkerchief out of his hat to wipe his brow. + +"That seems rather hard work, Dodge," remarked the onlooker, leaning her +book upright on her knee and her chin on her hand. + +"Ay, that it be, mum; this clay's that stiff! Lord! folks is almost as +much trouble to them as buries as to them as bears 'em; it's all trouble +together, to my thinkin'." + +She assented with a musing nod. + +"And when a man's not a troublin' o' some other body, he's a troublin' +of hisself," added the philosopher. + +"You are cursed with a clear-sightedness that must make life a burden to +you," said Mrs. Temperley. + +"Well, mum, I do sort o' see the bearin's o' things better nor most," +Dodge modestly admitted. The lady knew, and liked to gratify, the +gravedigger's love of long-worded discourse. + +"Some people," she said, "are born contemplative, while others never +reflect at all, whatever the provocation." + +"Yes'm, that's just it; folks goes on as if they was to live for ever, +without no thought o' dyin'. As you was a sayin' jus' now, mum, there's +them as contemflecs natural like, and there's them as is born without +provocation----" + +"Everlastingly!" assented Mrs. Temperley with a sudden laugh. "You +evidently, Dodge, are one of those who strive to read the riddle of this +painful earth. Tell me what you think it is all about." + +Gratified by this appeal to his judgment, Dodge scratched his head, and +leant both brawny arms upon his pickaxe. + +"Well, mum," he said, "I s'pose it's the will o' th' Almighty as we is +brought into the world, and I don't say nothin' agin it--'tisn't my +place--but it do come over me powerful at times, wen I sees all the +vexin' as folks has to go through, as God A'mighty might 'a found +somethin' better to do with His time; not as I wants to find no fault +with His ways, which is past finding out," added the gravedigger, +falling to work again. + +A silence of some minutes was broken by Mrs. Temperley's enquiry as to +how long Dodge had followed this profession. + +"Nigh on twenty year, mum, come Michaelmas," replied Dodge. "I've lain +my couple o' hundred under the sod, easy; and a fine lot o' corpses they +was too, take 'em one with another." Dodge was evidently prepared to +stand up for the average corpse of the Craddock district against all +competitors. + +"This is a very healthy neighbourhood, I suppose," observed Mrs. +Temperley, seemingly by way of supplying an explanation of the proud +fact. + +"Lord bless you, as healthy as any place in the kingdom. There wasn't +one in ten as was ill when he died, as one may say." + +"But that scarcely seems an unmixed blessing," commented the lady +musingly, "to go off suddenly in the full flush of health and spirits; +it would be so discouraging." + +"Most was chills, took sudden," Dodge explained; "chills is wot chokes +up yer churchyards for yer. If we has another hard winter this year, we +shall have a job to find room in here. There's one or two in the village +already, as I has my eye on, wot----" + +"Was this one a chill?" interrupted Mrs. Temperley, with a nod towards +the new grave. + +"Wot, this here? Lord bless you, no, mum. This here's our schoolmarm. +Didn't you never hear tell about _her_?" This damning proof of his +companion's aloofness from village gossip seemed to paralyse the +gravedigger. + +"Why everybody's been a talkin' about it. Over varty, she war, and ought +to 'a knowed better." + +"But, with advancing years, it is rare that people _do_ get to know +better--about dying," Mrs. Temperley suggested, in defence of the +deceased schoolmistress. + +"I means about her conduc'," Dodge explained; "scand'lous thing. Why, +she's been in Craddock school since she war a little chit o' sixteen." + +"That seems to me a trifle dull, but scarcely scandalous," Mrs. +Temperley murmured. + +"... And as steady and respectable a young woman as you'd wish to see +... pupil teacher she was, and she rose to be schoolmarm," Dodge went +on. + +"It strikes me as a most blameless career," said his companion. +"Perhaps, as you say, considering her years, she ought to have known +better, but----" + +"She sort o' belongs to the place, as one may say," Dodge proceeded, +evidently quite unaware that he had omitted to give the clue to the +situation. "She's lived here all her life." + +"Then much may be forgiven her," muttered Mrs. Temperley. + +"And everybody respected of her, and the parson he thought a deal o' +her, he did, and used to hold her up as a sample to the other young +women, and nobody dreamt as she'd go and bring this here scandal on the +place; nobody knows who the man was, but it _is_ said as there's someone +_not_ twenty miles from here as knows more about it nor he didn't ought +to," Dodge added with sinister meaning. This dark hint conveyed +absolutely no enlightenment to the mind of Mrs. Temperley, from sheer +lack of familiarity, on her part, with the rumours of the district. +Dodge applied himself with a spurt to his work. + +"When she had her baby, she was like one out of her mind," he continued; +"she couldn't stand the disgrace and the neighbours talkin', and that. +Mrs. Walker she went and saw her, and brought her nourishin' things, and +kep' on a-telling her how she must try and make up for what she had +done, and repent and all that; but she never got up her heart again +like, and the poor soul took fever from grievin', the doctor says, and +raved on dreadful, accusin' of somebody, and sayin' he'd sent her to +hell; and then Wensday morning, ten o'clock, she died. Didn't you hear +the passing bell a-tolling, mum?" + +"Yes, the wind brought it down the valley; but I did not know whom it +was tolling for." + +"That's who it was," said Dodge. + +"This is an awfully sad story," cried Mrs. Temperley. + +Dodge ran his fingers through his hair judicially. "I don't hold with +them sort o' goings on for young women," he observed. + +"Do you hold with them for young men?" + +Dodge puckered up his face into an odd expression of mingled reflection +and worldly wisdom. "You can't prevent young fellers bein' young +fellers," he at length observed. + +"It seems almost a pity that being young fellows should also mean being +blackguards," observed Mrs. Temperley calmly. + +"Well, there's somethin' to be said for that way o' lookin' at it," +Dodge was startled into agreeing. + +"I suppose _she_ gets all the blame of the thing," the lady went on, +with quiet exasperation. Dodge seemed thrown off his bearings. + +"Everybody in Craddock was a-talking about it, as was only to be +expected," said the gravedigger. "Well, well, we're all sinners. Don't +do to be too hard on folks. 'Pears sad like after keepin' 'spectable for +all them years too--sort o' waste." + +Mrs. Temperley gave a little laugh, which seemed to Dodge rather +eccentric. + +"Who is looking after the baby?" she asked. + +"One of the neighbours, name o' Gullick, as her husband works for Lord +Engleton, which she takes in washing," Dodge comprehensively explained. + +"Had its mother no relatives?" + +"Well, she had an aunt down at Southampton, I've heard tell, but she +didn't take much notice of her, not _she_ didn't. Her mother only died +last year, took off sudden before her daughter could get to her." + +"Your schoolmistress has known trouble," observed Mrs. Temperley. "Had +she no one, no sister, no friend, during all this time that she could +turn to for help or counsel?" + +"Not as I knows of," Dodge replied. + +There was a long pause, during which the stillness seemed to weigh upon +the air, as if the pressure of Fate were hanging there with ruthless +immobility. + +"She ain't got no more to suffer now," Dodge remarked, nodding with an +aspect of half apology towards the grave. "They sleeps soft as sleeps +here." + +"Good heavens, I hope so!" Mrs. Temperley exclaimed. + +The grave had made considerable progress before she descended from the +stile and prepared to take her homeward way. On leaving, she made Dodge +come with her to the gate, and point out the red-roofed cottage covered +with monthly roses and flaming creeper, where the schoolmistress had +passed so many years, and where she now lay with her work and her days +all over, in the tiny upper room, at whose latticed window the sun used +to wake her on summer mornings, or the winter rain pattered dreary +prophecies of the tears that she would one day shed. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + +"If you please, ma'am, the cook says as the meat hasn't come for lunch, +and what is she to do?" + +"Without," replied Mrs. Temperley automatically. + +The maid waited for more discreet directions. She had given a month's +notice that very morning, because she found Craddock Dene too dull. + +"Thank goodness, that barbarian is going!" Hubert had exclaimed. + +"We shall but exchange a Goth for a Vandal," his wife replied. + +Mrs. Temperley gazed intently at her maid, the light of intelligence +gradually dawning in her countenance. "Is there anything else in the +house, Sapph--Sophia?" + +"No, ma'am," replied Sophia. + +"Oh, tell the cook to make it into a fricassee, and be sure it is well +flavoured." The maid hesitated, but seeing from the wandering expression +of her employer's eye that her intellect was again clouded over, she +retired to give the message to the cook--with comments. + +The library at the Red House was the only room that had been radically +altered since the days of the former tenants, whose taste had leant +towards the florid rather than the classic. The general effect had been +toned down, but it was impossible to disguise the leading motive; or +what Mrs. Temperley passionately described as its brutal vulgarity. The +library alone had been subjected to _peine forte et dure_. Mrs. +Temperley said that it had been purified by suffering. By dint of +tearing down and dragging out offending objects ("such a pity!" cried +the neighbours) its prosperous and complacent absurdity had been +humbled. Mrs. Temperley retired to this refuge after her encounter with +Sophia. That perennially aggrieved young person entered almost +immediately afterwards and announced a visitor, with an air that +implied--"She'll stay to lunch; see if she don't, and what'll you do +then? Yah!" + +The pronunciation of the visitor's name was such, that, for the moment, +Mrs. Temperley did not recognize it as that of Miss Valeria Du Prel. + +She jumped up joyfully. "Ah, Valeria, this _is_ delightful!" + +The visit was explained after a characteristic fashion. Miss Du Prel +realized that over two years had passed since she had seen Hadria, and +moreover she had been seized with an overwhelming longing for a sight of +country fields and a whiff of country air, so she had put a few things +together in a handbag, which she had left at Craddock station by +accident, and come down. Was there anyone who could go and fetch her +handbag? It was such a nuisance; she laid it down for a moment to get at +her ticket--she never could find her pocket, dressmakers always hid them +in such an absurd way; could Hadria recommend any dressmaker who did not +hide pockets? Wasn't it tiresome? She had no time-table, and so she had +gone to the station that morning and waited till a Craddock train +started, and by this arrangement it had come to pass that she had spent +an hour and a half on the platform: she did not think she ever had such +an unpleasant time; why didn't they have trains oftener? They did to +Putney. + +Mrs. Temperley sat down and laughed. Whereupon the other's face +lightened and she joined in the laugh at her own expense, settling into +the easy chair that her hostess had prepared for her, with a gesture of +helplessness and comfort. + +"Well, in spite of that time at the station, I'm glad I came. It seems +so long since I have seen you, dear Hadria, and the last time you know +you were very unhappy, almost mad----" + +"Yes, yes; never mind about that," interposed Mrs. Temperley hastily, +setting her teeth together. + +"You take things too hard, too hard," said Miss Du Prel. "I used to +think _I_ was bad in that way, but I am phlegmatic compared with you. +One would suppose that----" + +"Valeria, don't, don't, don't," cried Mrs. Temperley. "I can't stand +it." Her teeth were still set tight and hard, her hands were clenched. + +"Very well, very well. Tell me what you have been making of this +ridiculous old world, where everything goes wrong and everybody is +stupid or wicked, or both." + +Mrs. Temperley's face relaxed a little, though the signs of some strong +emotion were still visible. + +"Well, to answer the general by the particular, I have spent the +morning, accompanied by a nice young brood of Cochin-China fowls, in +Craddock churchyard." + +"Oh, I hate a churchyard," exclaimed Miss Du Prel, with a shudder. "It +makes one think of the hideous mockery of life, and the more one would +like to die, the worse seems the brutality of death and his hideous +accompaniments. It is such a savage denial of all human aspirations and +affections and hopes. Ah, it is horrible!" The sharply-outlined face +grew haggard and white, as its owner crouched over the fire. + +"Heaven knows! but it was very serene and very lovely up there this +morning." + +"Ah!" exclaimed Valeria with a burst of strange enthusiasm and sadness, +that revealed all the fire and yearning and power that had raised her +above her fellows in the scale of consciousness, with the penalty of a +life of solitude and of sorrow. + +"Surely it is not without meaning that the places of the dead are the +serenest spots on earth," said Mrs. Temperley. "If I could keep myself +in the mood that the place induces, I think I should not mind anything +very much any more. The sunshine seems to rest more tenderly there than +elsewhere, and the winds have a reverence for the graves, as if they +felt it time that the dead were left in peace--the 'happier dead,' as +poor immortal Tithonius calls them, who has not the gift of death. And +the grey old tower and the weather stains on the stones; there is a +conspiracy of beauty in the place, that holds one as one is held by +music." + +"Ah! I know the magic of these things; it tempts one to believe at times +that Nature is _not_ all blind and unpitying. But that is a delusion: if +there were any pity in Nature, the human spirit would not be dowered +with such infinite and terrible longings and such capacities and dreams +and prayers and then--then insulted with the mockery of death and +annihilation." + +"If there should be no Beyond," muttered Mrs. Temperley. + +"That to me is inconceivable. When we die we fall into an eternal sleep. +Moreover, I can see no creed that does not add the fear of future +torments to the certainties of these." + +Mrs. Temperley was seized with a bitter mood. "You should cultivate +faith," she said; "it acts the part of the heading 'Sundries omitted' in +one's weekly accounts; one can put down under it everything that can't +be understood--but you don't keep weekly accounts, so it's no use +pointing out to you the peace that comes of that device." + +The entrance of Sophia with firewood turned the current of conversation. +"Good heavens! I don't think we have anything for lunch!" Mrs. Temperley +exclaimed. "Are you very hungry? What is to be done? It was the +faithlessness of our butcher that disturbed the serenity of my mood this +morning. Perhaps the poor beast whose carcase we were intending to +devour will feel serene instead of me: but, alas! I fear he has been +slaughtered _quand meme_. That is one of the unsatisfactory things about +life: that all its worst miseries bring good to no one. One may deny +oneself, but not a living thing is necessarily the better for +it--generally many are the worse. The wheels of pain go turning day by +day, and the gods stand aloof--they will not help us, nor will they stay +the 'wild world' in its course. No, no," added Mrs. Temperley with a +laugh, "I am not tired of life, but I am tired _with_ it; it won't give +me what I want. That is perhaps because I want so much." + +The sound of male footsteps in the hall broke up the colloquy. + +"Good heavens! Hubert has brought home a crowd of people to lunch," +exclaimed Hadria, "a thing he scarcely ever does. What fatality can have +induced him to choose to-day of all others for this orgy of +hospitality?" + +"Does the day matter?" enquired Valeria, astonished at so much emotion. + +"_Does the day matter!_ Oh irresponsible question of the unwedded! When +I tell you the butcher has not sent the meat." + +"Oh ... can't one eat fish?" suggested Miss Du Prel. + +Hadria laughed and opened the door. + +"My dear, I have brought Fleming home to lunch." + +"Thank heaven, _only one!_" + +Temperley stared. + +"I could not conveniently have brought home several," he said. + +"I thought you would be at least seven," cried the mistress of the +house, "and with all the pertinacity of Wordsworth's little girl." + +"What _do_ you mean, if one may ask for simple English?" + +"Merely that that intolerable Sanders has broken his word--_hinc illae +lacrimae_." + +Hubert Temperley turned away in annoyance. He used to be amused by his +wife's flippancy before her marriage, but he had long since grown to +dislike it. He retired to get out some wine, while Hadria went forward +to welcome the guest, who now came in from the garden, where he had +lingered to talk to the children. + +"I am delighted to see you, Mr. Fleming; but I am grieved to say that we +have unluckily only a wretched luncheon to give you, and after your long +walk over the fields too! I am _so_ sorry. The fact is we are left, this +morning, with a gaping larder, at the mercy of a haughty and inconstant +butcher, who grinds down his helpless dependents without mercy, +overbearing creature that he is! We must ask you to be very tolerant." + +"Oh! please don't trouble about that; it doesn't matter in the least," +cried Mr. Fleming, pulling at his yellowish whiskers. He was a man of +about five-and-thirty, of medium height, dressed in knickerbockers and +Norfolk jacket that had seen some service. + +"What is the difficulty?" asked Hubert. + +"I was explaining to Mr. Fleming how inhospitably we are forced to treat +him, on account of that traitor Sanders." + +Hubert gave a gesture of annoyance. + +"I suppose there is something cold in the house." + +"Pudding, perhaps," said his wife hopelessly. "It is most unlucky." + +"My dear, surely there must be something cold that isn't pudding." + +"I fear, very little; but I will go and see the cook, though, alas! she +is not easy to inspire as regards her particular business. She is +extremely entertaining as a conversationalist, but I think she was meant +for society rather than the kitchen. I am sure society would be more +diverting if she were in it." + +Hadria was just turning to seek this misplaced genius, when she paused +in the doorway. + +"By the way, I suppose Sapphira has----" + +"Do try and cure yourself of the habit of calling the girl by that +absurd name, Hadria." + +"Oh, yes; but the name is so descriptive. She has told you of Miss Du +Prel's arrival?" + +"She has told me nothing of the sort." + +Temperley did not look overjoyed. There had never been much cordiality +between him and Valeria since the afternoon when they had met at +Dunaghee, and found their sentiments in hopeless opposition. + +Miss Du Prel took no interest in Hubert, though she admired his +character. She had every wish to make herself agreeable to him, but her +efforts in that direction were somewhat neutralized by an incurable +absence of mind. If she was not interested, as Hadria said, she was +seldom affable. + +Possibly Hubert's request to her, years ago at Dunaghee, to "think for a +moment" had not been forgiven. + +"Where is she? Oh!----" + +The exclamation was in consequence of Miss Du Prel's appearing at the +door of the library, whence she surveyed the group with absent-minded +intentness. + +Valeria woke up with a start, and responded to Hubert's greeting in an +erratic fashion, replying tragically, to a casual enquiry as to her +health, that she had been _frightfully_ ill. + +"I thought I was dying. But one never dies," she added in a disgusted +tone, whereat Hadria heartlessly laughed, and hurried the visitor +upstairs to help her to unpack. + +"Valeria," said Mrs. Temperley, while that lady was confusedly trying to +disentangle hat and hair, hat-pin and head, without involving the entire +system in a common ruin--"Valeria, we are not a remarkable people at +Craddock Dene. We may be worthy, we may have our good points, but we are +not brilliant (except the cook). Should Mr. Fleming fail to impress you +as a person of striking personality, I ask you, as a favour, _not_ to +emblazon that impression on every feature: should he address to you a +remark that you do not find interesting, and it is quite conceivable +that he may--do not glare at him scornfully for a moment, and----" + +Hadria was not allowed to finish the sentence. + +"As if I ever did any such thing--and people are so dull," said Miss Du +Prel. + +A few "curried details," as the hostess dejectedly described the fare, +had been supplemented with vegetables, fruit, and impromptu preparations +of eggs, and the luncheon was pronounced excellent and ample. + +Miss Du Prel said that she hoped the butcher would always forget to send +the meat. She liked these imaginative meals. + +Temperley purposely misunderstood her to say "imaginary meals," and +hoped that next time she came, Hadria would not have an oratorio in +course of composition. Miss Du Prel expressed a fiery interest in the +oratorio. + +"I judge the presence of oratorio by the absence of food," Temperley +explained suavely. + +Hadria watched the encounter with a mingled sense of amusement and +discomfort. + +Valeria was in no danger. To be morally crushed by an adversary, it is +necessary that one should be at least aware that the adversary is +engaged in crushing one: a consciousness that was plainly denied to Miss +Du Prel. Many a man far less able than Hubert had power to interest her, +while he could not even hold her attention. She used to complain to +Professor Fortescue that Temperley's ideas never seemed to have +originated in his own brain: they had been imported ready-made. Hubert +was among the many who shrink and harden into mental furrows as time +passes. What he had thought at twenty, at thirty-five had acquired +sanctity and certainty, from having been the opinion of Hubert Temperley +for all those favoured years. He had no suspicion that the views which +he cherished in so dainty and scholarly a fashion were simply an +_edition de luxe_ of the views of everybody else. But his wife had made +that discovery long ago. He smiled at the views of everybody else: his +own were put forth as something choice and superior. He had the happy +knack of being _bourgeois_ with the air of an artist. If one could +picture one's grocer weighing out sugar in a Spanish cloak and brigand's +hat, it would afford an excellent symbol of his spiritual estate. To be +perfectly commonplace in a brilliantly original way, is to be notable +after all. + +Mr. Fleming seemed puzzled by Miss Du Prel, at whom he glanced uneasily +from time to time, wondering what she would say next. At Craddock Dene, +ladies usually listened with a more or less breathless deference when +Temperley spoke. This new-comer seemed recklessly independent. + +Mrs. Temperley endeavoured to lead the conversation in ways of peace, +but Valeria was evidently on the war-path. Temperley was polite and +ironical, with under-meanings for Hadria's benefit. + +"If one asks impossible things of life, one is apt to be disappointed, I +fear," he said serenely. "Ask for the possible and natural harvest of a +woman's career, and see if you don't get it." + +"Let a canary plead for its cage, in short, and its commendable prayer +will be answered!" + +"If you like to put it thus ungraciously. I should say that one who +makes the most of his opportunities, as they stand, fares better than he +who sighs for other worlds to conquer." + +"I suppose that is what his relatives said to Columbus," observed Miss +Du Prel. + +"And how do you know they were not right?" he retorted. + +Mrs. Temperley gave the signal to rise. "Let's go for a walk," she +suggested, "the afternoon invites us. Look at it." + +The brilliant sunshine and the exercise brought about a more genial +mood. Only once was there anything approaching friction, and then it was +Hadria herself who caused it. + +"Yes, we all flatter ourselves that we are observing life, when we are +merely noting the occasions when some musty old notion of ours happens, +by chance, to get fulfilled." + +Hubert Temperley at once roused Miss Du Prel's interest by the large +stores of information that he had to pour forth on the history of the +district, from its earliest times to the present. He recalled the days +when these lands that looked so smooth and tended had been mere wastes +of marsh and forest. + +How quickly these great changes were accomplished! Valeria stood on the +brow of a wide corn-field, looking out over the sleeping country. A +century, after all, was not much more than one person's lifetime, yet in +scarcely nine of these--nine little troubled lifetimes--what incredible +things had occurred in this island of ours! How did it all come about? +"Not assuredly," Valeria remarked with sudden malice, "by taking things +as they stood, and making the best of them with imbecile impatience. If +everyone had done that, what sort of an England should I have had +stretching before my eyes at this moment?" + +"You would not have been here to see," said Hadria, lazily rolling +stones down the hill with her foot. "We should all of us have been +dancing round some huge log-fire on the borders of a primeval forest, +and instead of browsing on salads, as we did to-day, we should be +sustaining ourselves on the unholy nourishment of boiled parent or +grilled aunt." + +Mr. Temperley's refined appearance and manner seemed to raise an +incarnate protest against this revolting picture. For some occult +reason, the imagination of all was at work especially and exclusively on +the figure of that polished gentleman in war-paint and feathers, +sporting round the cauldron that contained the boiled earthly remains of +his relations. + +Mr. Fleming betrayed the common thought by remarking that it would be +very becoming to him. + +"Ah! I wish we _were_ all savages in feathers and war-paint, dancing on +the edge of some wild forest, with nothing but the sea and the sky for +limits!" + +Miss Du Prel surprised her audience by this earnest aspiration. + +"Do you feel inclined to revert?" Hadria enquired. "Because if so, I +shall be glad to join you." + +"I think there _is_ a slight touch of the savage about Mrs. Temperley," +observed Fleming pensively. "I mean, don't you know--of course----." + +"You are quite right!" cried Valeria. "I have often noticed a sort of +wildness that crops up now and then through a very smooth surface. +Hadria may sigh for the woodlands, yet----!" + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + +The first break in the unity of the Fullerton family had occurred on the +occasion of Hadria's marriage. The short period that elapsed between +that memorable New-Year's-Eve and the wedding had been a painful +experience for Dunaghee. Hadria's conduct had shaken her brothers' faith +in her and in all womankind. Ernest especially had suffered disillusion. +He had supposed her above the ordinary, pettier weaknesses of humanity. +Other fellows' sisters had seemed to him miserable travesties of their +sex compared with her. (There was one exception only, to this rule.) But +now, what was he to think? She had shattered his faith. If she hadn't +been "so cocksure of herself," he wouldn't have minded so much; but +after all she had professed, to go and marry, and marry a starched +specimen like that! + +Fred was equally emphatic. For a long time he had regarded it all as a +joke. He shook his head knowingly, and said that sort of thing wouldn't +go down. When he was at length convinced, he danced with rage. He became +cynical. He had no patience with girls. They talked for talking's sake. +It meant nothing. + +Algitha understood, better than her brothers could understand, how +Hadria's emotional nature had been caught in some strange mood, how the +eloquent assurances of her lover might have half convinced her. +Algitha's own experience of proposals set her on the track of the +mystery. + +"It is most misleading," she pointed out, to her scoffing brothers. "One +would suppose that marrying was the simplest thing in the world--nothing +perilous, nothing to object to about it. A man proposes to you as if he +were asking you for the sixth waltz, only his manner is perfervid. And +my belief is that half the girls who accept don't realize that they are +agreeing to anything much more serious." + +"The more fools they!" + +"True; but it really is most bewildering. Claims, obligations, all the +ugly sides of the affair are hidden away; the man is at his best, full +of refinement and courtesy and unselfishness. And if he persuades the +girl that he really does care for her, how can she suppose that she +cannot trust her future to him--if he loves her? And yet she can't!" + +"How can a man suppose that one girl is going to be different from every +other girl?" asked Fred. + +"Different, you mean, from what he _supposes_ every other girl to be," +Algitha corrected. "It's his own look-out if he's such a fool." + +"I believe Hadria married because she was sick of being the family +consolation," said Ernest. + +"Well, of course, the hope of escape was very tempting. You boys don't +know what she went through. We all regret her marriage to Hubert +Temperley--though between ourselves, not more than _he_ regrets it, if I +am not much mistaken--but it is very certain that she could not have +gone on living at home much longer, as things were." + +Fred said that she ought to have broken out after Algitha's fashion, if +it was so bad as all that. + +"I think mother would have died if she had," said the sister. + +"Hadria _was_ awkwardly placed," Fred admitted. + +"Do you remember that evening in the garret when we all told her what we +thought?" asked Ernest. + +Nobody had forgotten that painful occasion. + +"She said then that if the worst came to the worst, she would simply run +away. What could prevent her?" + +"That wretched sister of his!" cried Algitha. "If it hadn't been for +her, the marriage would never have taken place. She got the ear of +mother after the engagement, and I am certain it was through her +influence that mother hurried the wedding on so. If only there had been +a little more time, it could have been prevented. And Henriette knew +that. She is as _knowing_----!" + +"I wish we had strangled her." + +"I shall never forget," Algitha went on, "that night when Hadria was +taken with a fit of terror--it was nothing less--and wrote to break off +the engagement, and that woman undertook to deliver the letter and lost +it, _on purpose_ I am always convinced, and then the favourable moment +was over." + +"What made her so anxious for the marriage beats me," cried Ernest. "It +was not a particularly good match from a mercenary point of view." + +"She thought us an interesting family to marry into," suggested Fred, +"which is undeniable." + +"Then she must be greatly disappointed at seeing so little of us!" cried +Ernest. + +In the early days, Miss Temperley had stayed frequently at the Red +House, and Hadria had been cut off from her own family, who detested +Henriette. + +For a year or more, there had been a fair promise of a successful +adjustment of the two incongruous natures in the new conditions. They +both tried to keep off dangerous ground and to avoid collisions of will. +They made the most of their one common interest, although even here they +soon found themselves out of sympathy. Hubert's instincts were +scholastic and lawful, Hadria was disposed to daring innovation. Her +bizarre compositions shocked him painfully. The two jarred on one +another, in great things and in small. The halcyon period was +short-lived. The dream, such as it was, came to an end. Hubert turned +to his sister, in his bewilderment and disappointment. They had both +counted so securely on the effect of experience and the pressure of +events to teach Hadria the desirable lesson, and they were dismayed to +find that, unlike other women, she had failed to learn it. Henriette was +in despair. It was she who had brought about the ill-starred union. How +could she ever forgive herself? How repair the error she had made? Only +by devoting herself to her brother, and trying patiently to bring his +wife to a wiser frame of mind. + +A considerable time had elapsed, during which Hadria saw her brothers +and sister only at long intervals. Ernest had become estranged from her, +to her great grief. He was as courteous and tender in his manner to her +as of yore, but there was a change, not to be mistaken. She had lost the +brother of her girlhood for ever. While it bitterly grieved, it did not +surprise her. She acknowledged in dismay the inconsistency of her +conduct. She must have been mad! The universal similarity in the +behaviour of girls, herself included, alarmed her. Was there some +external will that drove them all, in hordes, to their fate? Were all +the intricacies of event and circumstance, of their very emotion, merely +the workings of that ruthless cosmic will by which the individual was +hypnotised and ruled? + +As usual at critical moments, Hadria had been solitary in her encounter +with the elements of Fate. There were conflicts that even her sister +knew nothing about, the bewilderments and temptations of a nature +hampered in its action by its own voluminous qualities and its caprice. + +Her brothers supposed that in a short time Hadria would be "wearing +bonnets and a card-case, and going the rounds with an elegant expression +like the rest of them." + +How different were the little local facts of life--the little chopped-up +life that accumulates in odds and ends from moment to moment--from the +sun-and-smoke vision of early irresponsible days! + +Mrs. Fullerton was pleased with the marriage, not merely because +Hubert's father, Judge Temperley, could secure for his son a prosperous +career, but because she was so thankful to see a strange, unaccountable +girl like Hadria settling quietly down, with a couple of children to +keep her out of mischief. + +That was what it had come to! Perhaps they calculated a little too +surely. Possibly even two children might not keep her entirely out of +mischief. Out of what impulse of malice had Fate pitched upon the most +essentially mutinous and erratic of the whole brood, for the sedatest +_role_? But perhaps Fate, too, had calculated unscientifically. Mischief +was always possible, if one gave one's mind to it. Or was she growing +too old to have the spirit for thorough-going devilry? Youth seemed +rather an affair of mental outlook than of years. She felt twenty years +older since her marriage. She wondered why it was that marriage did not +make all women wicked,--openly and actively so. If ever there was an +arrangement by which every evil instinct and every spark of the devil +was likely to be aroused and infuriated, surely the customs and +traditions that clustered round this estate constituted that dangerous +combination! Hardship, difficulty, tragedy could be faced, but not the +humiliating, the degrading, the contemptible. Hadria had her own +particular ideas as to what ought to be set down under these headings. +Most women, she found, ranked certain elements very differently, with +lavish use of halos and gilding in their honour, feeling perhaps, she +hinted, the dire need of such external decoration. + +Good heavens! Did no other woman realize the insult of it all? Hadria +knew so few women intimately; none intimately enough to be convinced +that no such revolt lay smouldering beneath their smiles. She had a +lonely assurance that she had never met the sister-soul (for such there +must be by the score, as silent as she), who shared her rage and her +detestations. Valeria, with all her native pride, regarded these as +proof of a big flaw in an otherwise sound nature. Yet how deep, how +passionately strong, these feelings were, how gigantic the flaw! + +What possessed people that they did not see what was so brutally clear? +As young girls led forth unconscious into the battle, with a bandage +over their eyes, and cotton-wool in their ears--yes, then it was +inevitable that they should see and hear nothing. Had they been newly +imported from the moon they could scarcely have less acquaintance with +terrestrial conditions; but afterwards, when ruthlessly, with the +grinning assistance of the onlookers, the facts of the social scheme +were cynically revealed, and the _role_ imperiously allotted--with much +admonition and moving appeals to conscience and religion, and all the +other aides-de-camp at command--after all that, how in the name of +heaven could they continue to "babble of green fields"? Was it +conceivable that among the thousands of women to whom year after year +the facts were disclosed, not one understood and not one--_hated_? + +A flame sprang up in Hadria's eyes. There _must_ be other women +somewhere at this very moment, whose whole being was burning up with +this bitter, this sickening and futile hatred! But how few, how few! How +vast was the meek majority, fattening on indignity, proud of their +humiliation! Yet how wise they were after all. It hurt so to hate--to +hate like this. Submission was an affair of temperament, a gift of +birth. Nature endowed with a serviceable meekness those whom she +designed for insult. Yet it might not be meekness so much as mere brutal +necessity that held them all in thrall--the inexorable logic of +conditions. Fate knew better than to assail the victim point blank, and +so put her on her guard. No; she lured her on gently, cunningly, closing +behind her, one by one, the doors of escape, persuading her, forcing her +to fasten on her own tethers, appealing to a thousand qualities, good +and bad; now to a moment's weakness or pity, now to her eternal fear of +grieving others (_that_ was a well-worked vein!), now to her instinct of +self-sacrifice, now to grim necessity itself, profiting too by the +increasing discouragements, the vain efforts, the physical pain and +horrible weariness, the crowding of little difficulties, harassments, +the troubles of others--ah! how infinite were these! so that there was +no interval for breathing, and scarcely time or space to cope with the +legions of the moment; the horizon was black with their advancing hosts! + +And this assuredly was no unique experience. Hadria remembered how she +had once said that if the worst came to the worst, it would be easy to +run away. To her inexperience desperate remedies had seemed so simple, +so feasible--the factors of life so few and unentwined. She had not +understood how prolific are our deeds, how an act brings with it a large +and unexpected progeny, which surround us with new influences and force +upon us unforeseen conditions. Yet frequent had been the impulse to +adopt that girlish solution of the difficulty. She had no picturesque +grievances of the kind that would excite sympathy. On the contrary, +popular feeling would set dead against her; she would be acting on an +idea that nobody shared, not even her most intimate friend. + +Miss Du Prel had arrived at the conclusion that she did not understand +Hadria. She had attributed many of her peculiarities to her unique +education and her inexperience. Hadria had indeed changed greatly since +her marriage, but not in the manner that might have been expected. On +the contrary, a closer intimacy with popular social ideals had fired her +with a more angry spirit of rebellion. Miss Du Prel had met examples of +every kind of eccentricity, but she had never before come upon so marked +an instance of this particular type. Hadria's attitude towards life had +suggested to Miss Du Prel the idea of her heroine, _Caterina_. She +remonstrated with Hadria, assuring her that no insult towards women was +intended in the general scheme of society, and that it was a mistake to +regard it in so resentful a spirit. + +"But that is just the most insulting thing about it," Hadria exclaimed. +"Insult is so much a matter of course that people are surprised if one +takes umbrage at it. Read this passage from Aristotle that I came upon +the other day. He is perfectly calm and amiable, entirely unconscious of +offence, when he says that 'a wife ought to shew herself even more +obedient to the rein than if she entered the house as a purchased slave. +For she has been bought at a high price, for the sake of sharing life +and bearing children, than which no higher or holier tie can possibly +exist.' (Henriette to the very life!)" + +Miss Du Prel laughed, and re-read the passage from the _Politics_, in +some surprise. + +"Do you suppose insult is deliberately intended in that graceful +sentiment?" asked Hadria. "Obviously not. If any woman of that time had +blazed up in anger at the well-meant speech, she would have astonished +and grieved her contemporaries. Aristotle doubtless professed a high +respect for women who followed his precepts--as men do now when we are +obedient." + +"Of course, our society in this particular has not wandered far from the +Greek idea," Miss Du Prel observed pensively. + +Hadria pronounced the paradox, "The sharpness of the insult lies in its +not being intended." + +Miss Du Prel could not prevail upon her to modify the assertion. Hadria +pointed out that the Greeks also meant no offence in regarding their +respectable women as simple reproductive agents of inferior human +quality. + +"And though our well-brought-up girls shrink from the frank speech, they +do not appear to shrink from the ideas of the old Greeks. They don't +mind playing the part of cows so long as one doesn't mention it." + +About eighteen months ago, the village had been full of talk and +excitement in consequence of the birth of an heir to the house of +Engleton, Lady Engleton's mission in life being frankly regarded as +unfulfilled during the previous three or four years, when she had +disappointed the hopes of the family. Hadria listened scornfully. In her +eyes, the crowning indignity of the whole affair was Lady Engleton's own +smiling acceptance of the position, and her complacent eagerness to +produce the tardy inheritor of the property and honours. This expression +of sentiment had, by some means, reached the Vicarage and created much +consternation. + +Mrs. Walker asserted that it was right and Christian of the lady to +desire that which gave every one so much pleasure. "A climax of feminine +abjectness!" Hadria had exclaimed in Henriette's presence. + +Miss Temperley, after endeavouring to goad her sister-in-law into the +expression of jubilant congratulations, was met by the passionate +declaration that she felt more disposed to weep than to rejoice, and +more disposed to curse than to weep. + +Obviously, Miss Temperley had reason to be uneasy about her part in +bringing about her brother's marriage. + +These sudden overflows of exasperated feeling had become less frequent +as time went on, but the neighbours looked askance at Mrs. Temperley. +Though a powder-magazine may not always blow up, one passes it with a +grave consciousness of vast stores of inflammable material lying +somewhere within, and who knows what spark might set the thing spouting +to the skies? + +When the occasional visitors had left, life in the village settled down +to its normal level, or more accurately, to its normal flatness as +regarded general contours, and its petty inequalities in respect to +local detail. It reminded Hadria of the landscape which stretched in +quiet long lines to the low horizon, while close at hand, the ground +fussed and fretted itself into minor ups and downs of no character, but +with all the trouble of a mountain district in its complexities of slope +and hollow. Hadria suffered from a gnawing home-sickness; a longing for +the rougher, bleaker scenery of the North. + +The tired spirit translated the homely English country, so deeply +reposeful in its spirit, into an image of dull unrest. If only those +broken, stupid lines could have been smoothed out into the grandeur of a +plain, Hadria thought that it would have comforted her, as if a song had +moved across it with the long-stretching winds. As it was, to look from +her window only meant to find repeated the trivialities of life, more +picturesque indeed, but still trivialities. It was the estimable and +domestic qualities of Nature that presented themselves: Nature in her +most maternal and uninspired mood--Mother earth submissive to the +dictatorship of man, permitting herself to be torn, and wounded, and +furrowed, and harrowed at his pleasure, yielding her substance and her +life to sustain the produce of his choosing, her body and her soul +abandoned supine to his caprice. The sight had an exasperating effect +upon Hadria. Its symbolism haunted her. The calm, sweet English +landscape affected her at times with a sort of disgust. It was, perhaps, +the same in kind as the far stronger sensation of disgust that she felt +when she first saw Lady Engleton with her new-born child, full of pride +and exultation. It was as much as she could do to shake hands with the +happy mother. + +When Valeria expressed dismay at so strange a feeling Hadria had refused +to be treated as a solitary sinner. There were plenty of +fellow-culprits, she said, only they did not dare to speak out. Let +Valeria study girls and judge for herself. + +Hadria was challenged to name a girl. + +Well, Algitha for one. Hadria also suspected Marion Jordan, well-drilled +though she was by her dragoon of a mother. + +Valeria would not hear of it. Marion Jordan! the gentlest, timidest, +most typical of young English girls! Impossible! + +"I am almost sure of it, nevertheless," said Hadria. "Oh, believe me, it +is common enough! Few grasp it intellectually perhaps, but thousands +feel the insult; of that I am morally certain." + +"What leads you to think so in Marion's case?" + +"Some look, or tone, or word; something slight, but to my mind +conclusive. Fellow-sinners detect one another, you know." + +"Well, I don't understand what the world is coming to!" exclaimed Miss +Du Prel. "Where are the natural instincts?" + +"Sprouting up for the first time perhaps," Hadria suggested. + +"They seem to be disappearing, if what you say has the slightest +foundation." + +"Oh, you are speaking of only _one_ kind of instinct. The others have +all been suppressed. Perhaps women are not altogether animals after all. +The thought is startling, I know. Try to face it." + +"I never supposed they were," cried Valeria, a little annoyed. + +"But you never made allowance for the suppressed instincts," said +Hadria. + +"I don't believe they _can_ be suppressed." + +"I believe they can be not merely suppressed, but killed past hope of +recovery. And I also believe that there may be, that there _must_ be, +ideas and emotions fermenting in people's brains, quite different from +those that they are supposed and ordered to cherish, and that these +heresies go on working in secret for years before they become even +suspected, and then suddenly the population exchange confessions." + +"After that the Deluge!" exclaimed Miss Du Prel. "You describe the +features of a great revolution." + +"So much the better," said Hadria; "and when the waters sink again, a +nice fresh clean world!" + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + +On the lawn of the Red House, a little group was collected under the big +walnut tree. The sunlight fell through the leaves on the singing +tea-kettle and the cups and saucers, and made bright patches on the +figures and the faces assembled round the tea-table. + +Hubert Temperley had again brought his friend Joseph Fleming, in the +forlorn hope, he said, of being able to give him something to eat and +drink. Ernest and Algitha and Fred were of the party. They had come down +from Saturday till Monday. Ernest was studying for the Bar. Fred had +entered a merchant's office in the city, and hated his work cordially. +Miss Du Prel was still at the Red House. + +Lady Engleton had called by chance this afternoon, and Mrs. Walker, the +vicar's wife, with two of her countless daughters, had come by +invitation. Mrs. Walker was a middle-aged, careworn, rather prim-looking +woman. Lady Engleton was handsome. Bright auburn hair waved back in +picturesque fashion from a piquant face, and constituted more than half +her claim to beauty. The brown eyes were bright and vivacious. The mouth +was seldom quite shut. It scarcely seemed worth while, the loquacious +lady had confessed. She showed a delicate taste in dress. Shades of +brown and russet made a fine harmony with her auburn hair, and the ivory +white and fresh red of her skin. + +She and Temperley always enjoyed a sprightly interchange of epigrams. +Lady Engleton had the qualities that Hubert had admired in Hadria before +their marriage, and she was entirely free from the other +characteristics that had exasperated him so desperately since that +hideous mistake that he had made. Lady Engleton had originality and +brilliancy, but she knew how to combine these qualities with perfect +obedience to the necessary conventions of life. She had the sparkle of +champagne, without the troublesome tendency of that delicate beverage to +break bounds, and brim over in iridescent, swelling, joyous foam, the +discreet edges of such goblets as custom might decree for the sunny +vintage. Lady Engleton sparkled, glowed, nipped even at times, was of +excellent dry quality, but she never frothed over. She always knew where +to stop; she had the genius of moderation. She stood to Hadria as a +correct rendering of a cherished idea stands to a faulty one. She made +Hubert acutely feel his misfortune, and shewed him his lost hope, his +shattered ideal. + +"Is the picture finished?" he enquired, as he handed Lady Engleton her +tea. + +"What, the view from your field? Not quite. I was working at it when +Claude Moreton and Mrs. Jordan and Marion arrived, and I have been +rather interrupted. That's the worst of visitors. One's little immortal +works do get put aside, poor things." + +Lady Engleton broke into the light laugh that had become almost +mechanical with her. + +"Your friends grudge the hours you spend in your studio," said +Temperley. + +"Oh, they don't mind, so long as I give them as much time as they want," +she said. "I have to apologise and compromise, don't you know, but, with +a little management, one can get on. Of course, society does ask a good +deal of attention, doesn't it? and one has to be so careful." + +"Just a little tact and thought," said Temperley with a sigh. + +Lady Engleton admired Algitha, who was standing with Ernest a little +apart from the group. + +"She is like your wife, and yet there is a singular difference in the +expression." + +Lady Engleton was too discreet to say that Mrs. Temperley lacked the +look of contentment and serenity that was so marked in her sister's +face. + +"Algitha is a thoroughly sensible girl," said the brother-in-law. + +"I hear you have not long returned from a visit to Mr. Fullerton's place +in Scotland, Mr. Temperley," observed the vicar's wife when her host +turned to address her. + +"Yes," he said, "we have been there half the summer. The boys thoroughly +enjoyed the freedom and the novelty. The river, of course, was a source +of great joy to them, and of hideous anxiety to the rest of us." + +"Of course, of course," assented Mrs. Walker. "Ah, there are the dear +little boys. Won't you come and give me a kiss, darling?" + +"Darling" did what was required in a business-like manner, and stood by, +while the lady discovered in him a speaking likeness to his parents, to +his Aunt Algitha and his Uncle Fred, not to mention the portrait of his +great-grandfather, the Solicitor-General, that hung in the dining-room. +The child seemed thoroughly accustomed to be thought the living image of +various relations, and he waited indifferently till the list was ended. + +"Do you know, we are half hoping that Professor Fortescue may be able to +come to us for a week or ten days?" said Lady Engleton. "We are so +looking forward to it." + +"Professor Fortescue is always a favourite," remarked Mrs. Walker. "It +is such a pity he does not return to the Priory, is it not?--a great +house like that standing empty. Of course it is very natural after the +dreadful event that happened there"--Mrs. Walker lowered her voice +discreetly--"but it seems a sin to leave the place untenanted." + +Lady Engleton explained that there was some prospect of the house being +let at last to a friend and colleague of the Professor. Mrs. Walker +doubtless would remember Professor Theobald, who used to come and stay +at Craddock Place rather frequently some years ago, a big man with beard +and moustache, very learned and very amusing. + +Mrs. Walker remembered him perfectly. Her husband had been so much +interested in his descriptions of a tour in Palestine, all through the +scenes of the New Testament. He was a great archaeologist. Was he really +coming to the Priory? How very delightful. John would be so glad to hear +it. + +"Oh, it is not settled yet, but the two Professors are coming to us some +time soon, I believe, and Professor Theobald will look over the house +and see if he thinks it would be too unmanageably big for himself and +his old mother and sister. I hope he will take the place. He would bring +a new and interesting element into the village. What do you think of it, +Mrs. Temperley?" + +"Oh, I hope the learned and amusing Professor will come," she said. "The +worst of it is, from my point of view, that I shall have to give up my +practices there. Professor Fortescue allows me to wake the old piano +from its long slumbers in the drawing-room." + +"Oh, of course. Marion Jordan was telling me that she was quite startled +the other day, in crossing the Priory garden, to hear music stealing out +of the apparently deserted house. She had heard the country people say +that the ghost of poor Mrs. Fortescue walks along the terrace in the +twilight, and Marion looked quite scared when she came in, for the music +seemed to come from the drawing-room, where its mistress used to play so +much after she was first married. I almost wonder you can sit alone +there in the dusk, considering the dreadful associations of the place." + +"I am used to it now," Mrs. Temperley replied, "and it is so nice and +quiet in the empty house. One knows one can't be interrupted--unless by +ghosts." + +"Well, that is certainly a blessing," cried Lady Engleton. "I think I +shall ask Professor Fortescue to allow me also to go to the Priory to +pursue my art in peace and quietness; a truly hyperborean state, beyond +the region of visitors!" + +"There would be plenty of room for a dozen unsociable monomaniacs like +ourselves," said Mrs. Temperley. + +"I imagine you are a God-send to poor Mrs. Williams, the caretaker," +said Joseph Fleming. "She is my gamekeeper's sister, and I hear that she +finds the solitude in that vast house almost more than she can stand." + +"Poor woman!" said Lady Engleton. "Well, Mr. Fleming, what are the +sporting prospects this autumn?" + +He pulled himself together, and his face lighted up. On that subject he +could speak for hours. + +Of Joseph Fleming his friends all said: The best fellow in the world. A +kinder heart had no man. He lived on his little property from year's end +to year's end, for the sole and single end of depriving the pheasants +and partridges which he bred upon the estate, of their existence. He was +a confirmed bachelor, living quietly, and taking the world as he found +it (seeing that there was a sufficiency of partridges in good seasons); +trusting that there was a God above who would not let the supply run +short, if one honestly tried to do one's duty and lived an upright life, +harming no man, and women only so much as was strictly honourable and +necessary. He spoke ill of no one. He was diffident of his own powers, +except about sport, wherein he knew himself princely, and cherished that +sort of respect for woman, thoroughly sincere, which assigns to her a +pedestal in a sheltered niche, and offers her homage on condition of her +staying where she is put, even though she starve there, solitary and +esteemed. + +"Do tell me, Mr. Fleming, if you know, who is that very handsome woman +with the white hair?" said Lady Engleton. "She is talking to Mrs. +Walker. I seem to know the face." + +"Oh, that is Miss Valeria Du Prel, the authoress of those books that +Mrs. Walker is so shocked at." + +"Oh, of course; how stupid of me. I should like to have some +conversation with her." + +"That's easily managed. I don't think she and Mrs. Walker quite +appreciate each other." + +Lady Engleton laughed. + +Mrs. Walker was anxiously watching her daughters, and endeavouring to +keep them at a distance from Miss Du Prel, who looked tragically bored. + +Joseph Fleming found means to release her, and Lady Engleton's desire +was gratified. "I admire your books so much, Miss Du Prel, and I have so +often wished to see more of you; but you have been abroad for the last +two years, I hear." + +Lady Engleton, after asking the authoress to explain exactly what she +meant by her last book, enquired if she had the latest news of Professor +Fortescue. Lady Engleton had heard, with regret, that he had been +greatly worried about that troublesome nephew whom he had educated and +sent to Oxford. + +"The young fellow had been behaving very badly," Miss Du Prel said. + +"Ungrateful creature," cried Lady Engleton. "Running into debt I +suppose." + +Miss Du Prel feared that the Professor was suffering in health. He had +been working very hard. + +"Oh, yes; what was that about some method of killing animals +instantaneously to avoid the horrors of the slaughter-house? Professor +Theobald has been saying what a pity it is that a man so able should +waste his time over these fads. It would never bring him fame or profit, +only ridicule. Every man had his little weakness, but this idea of +saving pain to animals, Professor Theobald said, was becoming a sort of +mania with poor Fortescue, and one feared that it might injure his +career. He was greatly looked up to in the scientific world, but this +sort of thing of course---- + +"Though it is nice of him in a way," added Lady Engleton. + +"His weaknesses are nobler than most people's virtues," said Miss Du +Prel. + +"Then you number this among his weaknesses?" + +Algitha, who had joined the group, put this question. + +"I would rather see him working in the cause of humanity," Miss Du Prel +answered. + +Ernest surprised everyone by suggesting that possibly humanity was well +served, in the long run, by reminding it of the responsibility that goes +with power, and by giving it an object lesson in the decent treatment of +those who can't defend themselves. + +"You must have sat at the Professor's feet," cried Miss Du Prel, raising +her eyebrows. + +"I have," said Ernest, with a little gesture of pride. + +Lady Engleton shook her head. "I fear he flies too high for ordinary +mortals," she said; "and I doubt if even he can be quite consistent at +that altitude." + +"Better perhaps fly fairly high, and come down now and again to rest, if +one must, than grovel consistently and always," observed Ernest. + +Lady Engleton gave a little scream. "Mrs. Temperley, come to the rescue. +Your brother is calling us names. He says we grovel consistently and +always." + +Ernest laughed, and protested. Lady Engleton pretended to be mortally +offended. Mrs. Temperley was sorry she could give no redress. She had +suffered from Ernest's painful frankness from her youth upwards. + +The conversation grew discursive. Lady Engleton enjoyed the pastime of +lightly touching the edges of what she called "advanced" thought. She +sought the society of people like the two Professors and Miss Du Prel in +order to hear what dreadful and delightful things they really would say. +She read all the new books, and went to the courageous plays that Mrs. +Walker wouldn't mention. + +"Your last book, _Caterina_, is a mine of suggestion, Miss Du Prel," she +said. "It raises one most interesting point that has puzzled me +greatly. I don't know if you have all read the book? The heroine finds +herself differing in her view of life from everyone round her. She is +married, but she has made no secret of her scorn for the old ideals, and +has announced that she has no intention of being bound by them." + +Mrs. Temperley glanced uneasily at Miss Du Prel. + +"Accordingly she does even as she had said," continued Lady Engleton. +"She will not brook that interference with her liberty which marriage +among us old-fashioned people generally implies. She refuses to submit +to the attempt that is of course made (in spite of a pre-nuptial +understanding) to bring her under the yoke, and so off she goes and +lives independently, leaving husband and relatives lamenting." + +The vicar's wife said she thought she must be going home. Her husband +would be expecting her. + +"Oh, won't you wait a little, Mrs. Walker? Your daughters would perhaps +like a game of tennis with my brothers presently." + +Mrs. Walker yielded uneasily. + +"But before _Caterina_ takes the law into her own hands, in this way," +Lady Engleton continued, "she is troubled with doubts. She sometimes +wonders whether she ought not, after all, to respect the popular +standards (notwithstanding the compact), instead of disturbing everybody +by clinging to her own. Now was it strength of character or obstinate +egotism that induced her to stick to her original colours, come what +might? That is the question which the book has stated but left +unanswered." + +Miss Du Prel said that the book showed, if it showed anything, that one +must be true to one's own standard, and not attempt to respect an ideal +in practice that one despises in theory. We are bound, she asserted, to +produce that which is most individual within us; to be ourselves, and +not a poor imitation of someone else; to dare even apparent wrong-doing, +rather than submit to live a life of devotion to that which we cannot +believe. + +Mrs. Walker suggested to her daughters that they might go and have a +look at the rose-garden, but the daughters preferred to listen to the +conversation. + +"In real life," said the practical Algitha, "_Caterina_ would not have +been able to follow her idea so simply. Supposing she had had children +and complicated circumstances, what could she have done?" + +Miss Du Prel thought that a compromise might have been made. + +"A compromise by which she could act according to two opposite +standards?" + +Valeria was impatient of difficulties. It was not necessary that a woman +should leave her home in order to be true to her conscience. It was the +best method in _Caterina's_ case, but not in all. + +Miss Du Prel did not explain very clearly what she meant. Women made too +much of difficulties, she thought. Somehow people _had_ managed to +overcome obstacles. Look at--and then followed a list of shining +examples. + +"I believe you would blame a modern woman who imitated them," said Mrs. +Temperley. "These women have the inestimable advantage of being dead." + +"Ah, yes," Lady Engleton agreed, with a laugh, "we women may be anything +we like--in the last century." + +"The tides of a hundred years or so sweeping over one's audacious deed, +soften the raw edges. Then it is tolerated in the landscape; indeed, it +grows mossy and picturesque." Mrs. Temperley made this comparison. + +"And then think how useful it becomes to prove that a daring deed _can_ +be done, given only the necessary stuff in brain and heart." + +Mrs. Walker looked at Algitha in dismay. + +"One can throw it in the teeth of one's contemporaries," added Algitha, +"if they fail to produce a dramatic climax of the same kind." + +"Only," said Mrs. Temperley, "if they _do_ venture upon their own +dreadful deed--the deed demanded by their particular modern +predicament--then we all shriek vigorously." + +"Oh, we shriek less than we used to," said Lady Engleton. "It is quite a +relief to be able to retain one's respectability on easier terms." + +"In such a case as Miss Du Prel depicts? I doubt it. _Caterina_, in real +life, would have a lively story to tell. How selfish we should think +her! How we should point to the festoons of bleeding hearts that she had +wounded--a dripping cordon round the deserted home! No; I believe Miss +Du Prel herself would be horrified at her own _Caterina_ if she came +upon her unexpectedly in somebody's drawing-room." + +There was a laugh. + +"Of course, a great deal is to be said for the popular way of looking at +the matter," Lady Engleton observed. "This fascinating heroine must have +caused a great deal of real sorrow, or at least she _would_ have caused +it, were it not that her creator had considerably removed all relatives, +except a devoted couple of unorthodox parents, who are charmed at her +decision to scandalize society, and wonder why she doesn't do it sooner. +Parents like that don't grow on every bush." + +Mrs. Walker glanced nervously at her astonished girls. + +Lady Engleton pointed out that had _Caterina_ been situated in a more +ordinary manner, she would have certainly broken her parents' hearts and +embittered their last years, to say nothing of the husband and perhaps +the children, who would have suffered for want of a mother's care. + +"But why should the husband suffer?" asked Algitha. "_Caterina's_ +husband cordially detested her." + +"It is customary to regard the occasion as one proper for suffering," +said Mrs. Temperley, "and every well-regulated husband would suffer +accordingly." + +"Clearly," assented Lady Engleton. "When the world congratulates us we +rejoice, when it condoles with us we weep." + +"That at least, would not affect the children," said Algitha. "I don't +see why of necessity _they_ should suffer." + +"Their share of the woe would be least of all, I think," Mrs. Temperley +observed. "What ogre is going to ill-treat them? And since few of us +know how to bring up so much as an earth-worm reasonably, I can't see +that it matters so very much which particular woman looks after the +children. Any average fool would do." + +Mrs. Walker was stiffening in every limb. + +"The children would have the usual chances of their class; neither more +nor less, as it seems to me, for lack of a maternal burnt-offering." + +Mrs. Walker rose, gathered her daughters about her, and came forward to +say good-bye. She was sure her husband would be annoyed if she did not +return. She retired with nervous precipitation. + +"Really you will depopulate this village, Mrs. Temperley," cried Lady +Engleton with a laugh; "it is quite dangerous to bring up a family +within your reach. There will be a general exodus. I must be going +myself, or I shan't have an orthodox sentiment left." + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + +Henriette had secured Mrs. Fullerton for an ally, from the beginning. +When Hadria's parents visited the Red House, Miss Temperley was asked to +meet them, by special request. Henriette employed tact on a grand scale, +and achieved results in proportion. She was sorry that dear Hadria did +not more quickly recover her strength. Her health was not what it ought +to be. Mrs. Fullerton sighed. She was ready to play into Miss +Temperley's hands on every occasion. + +The latter had less success in her dealings with Miss Du Prel. She tried +to discover Hadria's more intimate feelings by talking her over with +Valeria, ignoring the snubs that were copiously administered by that +indignant lady. Valeria spoke with sublime scorn of this attempt. + +"To try and pump information out of a friend! Why not listen at the +key-hole, and be done with it!" + +Henriette's neat hair would have stood on end, had she heard Miss Du +Prel fit adjectives to her conduct. + +"I have learnt not to expect a nice sense of honour from superior +persons with unimpeachable sentiments," said Hadria. + +"You are certainly a good hater!" cried Valeria, with a laugh. + +"Oh, I don't hate Henriette; I only hate unimpeachable sentiments." + +The sentiments that Henriette represented had become, to Hadria, as the +walls of a prison from which she could see no means of escape. + +She had found that life took no heed either of her ambitions or of her +revolts. "And so I growl," she said. She might hate and chafe in secret +to her heart's content; external conformity was the one thing needful. + +"Hadria will be so different when she has children," everyone had said. +And so she was; but the difference was alarmingly in the wrong +direction. Throughout history, she reflected, children had been the +unfailing means of bringing women into line with tradition. Who could +stand against them? They had been able to force the most rebellious to +their knees. An appeal to the maternal instinct had quenched the +hardiest spirit of revolt. No wonder the instinct had been so trumpeted +and exalted! Women might harbour dreams and plan insurrections; but +their children--little ambassadors of the established and expected--were +argument enough to convince the most hardened sceptics. Their +helplessness was more powerful to suppress revolt than regiments of +armed soldiers. + +Such were the thoughts that wandered through Hadria's mind as she bent +her steps towards the cottage near Craddock Church, where, according to +the gravedigger's account, the baby of the unhappy schoolmistress was +being looked after by Mrs. Gullick. + +It would have puzzled the keenest observer to detect the unorthodox +nature of Mrs. Temperley's reflections, as she leant over the child, and +made enquiries as to its health and temperament. + +Mrs. Gullick seemed more disposed to indulge in remarks on its mother's +conduct than to give the desired information; but she finally admitted +that Ellen Jervis had an aunt at Southampton who was sending a little +money for the support of the child. Ellen Jervis had stayed with the +aunt during the summer holidays. Mrs. Gullick did not know what was to +be done. She had a large family of her own, and the cottage was small. + +Mrs. Temperley asked for the address of the aunt. + +"I suppose no one knows who the father is? He has not acknowledged the +child!" + +No; that was a mystery still. + +About a week later, Craddock Dene was amazed by the news that Mrs. +Temperley had taken the child of Ellen Jervis under her protection. A +cottage had been secured on the road to Craddock, a trustworthy nurse +engaged, and here the babe was established, with the consent and +blessing of the aunt. + +"You are the most inconsistent woman I ever met!" exclaimed Miss Du +Prel. + +"Why inconsistent?" + +"You say that children have been the means, from time immemorial, of +enslaving women, and here you go and adopt one of your enslavers!" + +"But this child is not legitimate." + +Valeria stared. + +"Whatever the wrongs of Ellen Jervis, at least there were no laws +written, and unwritten, which demanded of her as a duty that she should +become the mother of this child. In that respect she escapes the +ignominy reserved for the married mother who produces children that are +not even hers." + +"You do manage to ferret out the unpleasant aspects of our position!" +Miss Du Prel exclaimed. "But I want to know why you do this, Hadria. It +is good of you, but totally unlike you." + +"You are very polite!" cried Hadria. "Why should I not lay up store for +myself in heaven, as well as Mrs. Walker and the rest?" + +"You were not thinking of heaven when you did this deed, Hadria." + +"No; I was thinking of the other place." + +"And do you hope to get any satisfaction out of your _protegee_?" + +Hadria shrugged her shoulders. + +"I don't know. The child is the result of great sorrow and suffering; it +is the price of a woman's life; a woman who offended the world, having +lived for nearly forty weary obedient years, in circumstances dreary +enough to have turned twenty saints into as many sinners. No; I am no +Lady Bountiful. I feel in defending this child--a sorry defence I +know--that I am, in so far, opposing the world and the system of things +that I hate----. Ah! _how_ I hate it!" + +"Is it then hatred that prompts the deed?" + +Hadria looked thoughtfully towards the church tower, in whose shadow the +mother of the babe lay sleeping. + +"Can you ever quite unravel your own motives, Valeria? Hatred? Yes; +there is a large ingredient of hatred. Without it, probably this poor +infant would have been left to struggle through life alone, with a +mill-stone round its neck, and a miserable constitution into the +bargain. I hope to rescue its constitution. But that poor woman's story +touched me closely. It is so hard, so outrageous! The emptiness of her +existence; the lack of outlet for her affections; the endless monotony; +and then the sudden new interest and food for the starved emotions; the +hero-worship that is latent in us all; and then--good heavens!--for a +touch of poetry, of romance in her life, she would have been ready to +believe in the professions of the devil himself--and this man was a very +good understudy for the devil! Ah! If ever I should meet him!" + +"What would you do?" Valeria asked curiously. + +"Avenge her," said Hadria with set lips. + +"Easier said than done, my dear!" + +Gossip asserted that the father of the child was a man of some standing, +the bolder spirits even accusing Lord Engleton himself. But this was +conjecture run wild, and nobody seriously listened to it. + +Mrs. Walker was particularly scandalized with Mrs. Temperley's +ill-advised charity. Hadria had the habit of regarding the clergyman's +wife as another of society's victims. She placed side by side the +schoolmistress in her sorrow and disgrace, and the careworn woman at the +Vicarage, with her eleven children, and her shrivelled nature, poor and +dead as an autumn leaf that shivers before the wind. They had both +suffered--so Mrs. Temperley dared to assert--in the same cause. They +were both victims of the same creed. It was a terrible cultus, a savage +idol that had devoured them both, as cruel and insatiable as the brazen +god of old, with his internal fires, which the faithful fed devoutly, +with shrinking girls and screaming children. + +"I still fail to understand why you adopt this child," said Valeria. "My +_Caterina_ would never have done it." + +"The little creature interests me," said Hadria. "It is a tiny field for +the exercise of the creative forces. Every one has some form of active +amusement. Some like golf, others flirtation. I prefer this sort of +diversion." + +"But you have your own children to interest you, surely far more than +this one." + +Hadria's face grew set and defiant. + +"They represent to me the insult of society--my own private and +particular insult, the tribute exacted of my womanhood. It is through +them that I am to be subdued and humbled. Just once in a way, however, +the thing does not quite 'come off.'" + +"What has set you on edge so, I wonder." + +"People, traditions, unimpeachable sentiments." + +"_Yours_ are not unimpeachable at any rate!" Valeria cried laughing. +"_Caterina_ is an angel compared with you, and yet my publisher has his +doubts about her." + +"_Caterina_ would do as I do, I know," said Hadria. "Those who are +looked at askance by the world appeal to my instincts. I shall be able +to teach this child, perhaps, to strike a blow at the system which sent +her mother to a dishonoured grave, while it leaves the man for whose +sake she risked all this, in peace and the odour of sanctity." + +Time seemed to be marked, in the sleepy village, by the baby's growth. +Valeria, who thought she was fond of babies, used to accompany Hadria on +her visits to the cottage, but she treated the infant so much as if it +had been a guinea-pig or a rabbit that the nurse was indignant. + +The weeks passed in rapid monotony, filled with detail and leaving no +mark behind them, no sign of movement or progress. The cares of the +house, the children, left only limited time for walking, reading, +correspondence, and such music as could be wrung out of a crowded day. +An effort on Hadria's part, to make serious use of her musical talent +had been frustrated. But a pathetic, unquenchable hope always survived +that presently, when this or that corner had been turned, this or that +difficulty overcome, conditions would be conquered and opportunity +arrive. Not yet had she resigned her belief that the most harassing and +wearying and unceasing business that a human being can undertake, is +compatible with the stupendous labour and the unbounded claims of an +artist's career. The details of practical life and petty duties sprouted +up at every step. If they were put aside, even for a moment, the wheels +of daily existence became clogged and then all opportunity was over. +Hope had begun to alternate with a fear lest that evasive corner should +never be turned, that little crop of interruptions never cease to turn +up. And yet it was so foolish. Each obstacle in itself was paltry. It +was their number that overcame one, as the tiny arrows of the Lilliputs +overcame Gulliver. + +One of Hadria's best friends in Craddock Dene was Joseph Fleming, who +had become very intimate at the Red House during the last year or two. +Hadria used to tire of the necessity to be apparently rational (such was +her own version), and found it a relief to talk nonsense, just as she +pleased, to Joseph Fleming, who never objected or took offence, if he +occasionally looked surprised. Other men might have thought she was +laughing at them, but Joseph made no such mistake when Mrs. Temperley +broke out, as she did now and then, in fantastic fashion. + +She was standing, one morning, on the little bridge over the stream that +ran at a distance of a few hundred yards from the Red House. The two +boys were bespattering themselves in the meadow below, by the water's +verge. They called up at intervals to their mother the announcement of +some new discovery of flower or insect. + +Watching the stream sweeping through the bridge, she seemed the centre +of a charming domestic scene to Joseph Fleming, who chanced to pass by +with his dogs. He addressed himself to her maternal feelings by +remarking what handsome and clever boys they were. + +"Handsome and clever?" she repeated. "Is _that_ all you can say, Mr. +Fleming? When you set about it, I think you might provide a little +better food for one's parental sentiment. I suppose you will go and tell +Mrs. Walker that _her_ dozen and a half are all handsome and clever +too!" + +"Not so handsome and clever as yours," replied Mr. Fleming, a little +aghast at this ravenous maternal vanity. + +"What wretched poverty of expression!" Hadria complained. "I ask for +bread, and truly you give me a stone." + +Joseph Fleming eyed his companion askance. "I--I admire your boys +immensely, as you know," he said. + +"Not enough, not enough." + +"What can I say more?" + +"A mother has to find in her children all that she can hope to find in +life, and she naturally desires to make the most of them, don't you +see?" + +"Ah! yes, quite so," said Joseph dubiously. + +"Nobody, I suppose, likes to be commonplace all round; one must have +some poetry somewhere--so most women idealize their children, and if +other people won't help them in the effort, don't you see? it is most +discouraging." + +"Are you chaffing, or what?" Joseph enquired. + +"No, indeed; I am perilously serious." + +"I can well understand how a mother must get absorbed in her children," +said Joseph. "I suppose it's a sort of natural provision." + +"Think of Mrs. Allan with her outrageous eight--all making mud-pies!" +cried Hadria; "a magnificent 'natural provision!' A small income, a +small house, with those pervasive eight. You know the stampede when one +goes to call; the aroma of bread and butter (there are few things more +inspiring); the cook always about to leave; Mrs. Allan with a racking +headache. It is indeed not difficult to understand how a mother would +get absorbed in her children. Why, their pinafores alone would become +absorbing." + +"Quite so," said Mr. Fleming. Then a little anxious to change the +subject: "Oh, by the way, have you heard that the Priory is really to +be inhabited at last? Professor Theobald has almost decided to take it." + +"Really? that will be exciting for Craddock Dene. We shall have another +household to dissect and denounce. Providence watches over us all, I +verily believe." + +"I hope so," Joseph replied gravely. + +"Truly I hope so too," Hadria said, no less seriously, "for indeed we +need it." + +Joseph was too simple to be greatly surprised at anything that Mrs. +Temperley might say. He had decided that she was a little eccentric, and +that explained everything; just as he explained instances of +extraordinary reasoning power in a dog by calling it "instinct." +Whatever Mrs. Temperley might do was slightly eccentric, and had she +suddenly taken it into her head to dance a fandango on the public road, +it would have merely put a little extra strain on that word. + +By dint of not understanding her, Joseph Fleming had grown to feel +towards Mrs. Temperley a genuine liking, conscious, in his vague way, +that she was kind at heart, however bitter or strange she might +sometimes be in her speech. Moreover, she was not always eccentric or +unexpected. There would come periods when she would say and do very much +as her neighbours said and did; looking then pale and lifeless, but +absolutely beyond the reach of hostile criticism, as her champion would +suggest to carping neighbours. + +Not the most respected of the ladies who turned up their disapproving +noses, was more dull or more depressing than Hadria could be, on +occasion, as she had herself pointed out; and would not _this_ soften +stony hearts? + +When she discovered that her kindly neighbour had been fighting her +battles for her, she was touched; but she asked him not to expend his +strength on her behalf. She tried in vain to convince him that she did +not care to be invited too often to submit to the devitalizing processes +of social intercourse, to which the families of the district shrank not +from subjecting themselves. If Joseph Fleming chanced to call at the Red +House after her return from one of these entertainments, he was sure to +find Mrs. Temperley in one of her least comprehensible moods. But +whatever she might say, he stood up for her among the neighbours with +persistent loyalty. He decked her with virtues that she did not possess, +and represented her to the sceptical district, radiant in domestic +glory. Hadria thus found herself in an awkwardly uncertain position; +either she was looked at askance, as eccentric, or she found herself +called upon to make good expectations of saintliness, such as never were +on land or sea. + +Saintly? Hadria shook her head. She could imagine no one further from +such a condition than she was at present, and she felt it in her, to +swing down and down to the very opposite pole from that serene altitude. +She admitted that, from a utilitarian point of view, she was making a +vast mistake. As things were, Mrs. Walker and Mrs. Allan, laboriously +spinning their ponderous families on their own axes, in a reverent +spirit, had chosen the better part. But Hadria did not care. She would +_not_ settle down to make the best of things, as even Algitha now +recommended, "since there she was, and there was no helping it." + +"I will _never_ make the best of things," she said. "I know nothing that +gives such opportunities to the Devil." + +Hadria had characteristically left the paradox unjustified. + +"What do you mean?" asked Algitha. "Surely the enemy of good has most +hold over the discontented spirit." + +Hadria likened the contented to stagnant pools, wherein corruptions grow +apace. "It is only the discontented ocean that remains, for all its +storms, fresh and sane to the end." + +But though she said this, for opposition's sake perhaps, she had her +doubts about her own theory. Discontent was certainly the initiator of +all movement; but there was a kind of sullen discontent that stagnated +and ate inwards, like a disease. Better a cheerful sin or two than allow +_that_ to take hold! + +"But then there is this sickly feminine conscience to deal with!" she +exclaimed. "It clings to the worst of us still, and prevents the +wholesome big catastrophes that might bring salvation." + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + +Another year had blundered itself away, leaving little trace behind it, +in Craddock Dene. The schoolmistress's grave was greener and her child +rosier than of yore. Little Martha had now begun to talk, and promised +to be pretty and fair-haired like her mother. + +The boys and Algitha had come to spend Saturday and Sunday at the Red +House. Hadria hunted out a stupendous card-case (a wedding gift from +Mrs. Gordon), erected on her head a majestic bonnet, and announced to +the company that she was going for a round of visits. + +There was a yell of laughter. Hadria advanced across the lawn with quiet +dignity, bearing her card-case as one who takes part in a solemn +ceremony. + +"Where did you fall in with that casket?" enquired Fred. + +"And who was the architect of the cathedral?" asked Ernest. + +"This casket, as you call it, was presented to me by Mrs. Gordon. The +cathedral I designed myself." + +They all crowded round to examine the structure. There were many +derisive comments. + +"Gothic," said Ernest, "pure Gothic." + +"I should have described it as 'Early Perpendicular,'" objected Fred. + +"Don't display your neglected education; it's beyond all question +Gothic. Look at the steeple and the gargoyles and the handsome +vegetation. Ruskin would revel in it!" + +"Are you really going about in that thing?" asked Algitha. + +Hadria wished to know what was the use of designing a Gothic cathedral +if one couldn't go about in it. + +The bonnet was, in truth, a daring caricature of the prevailing fashion, +just sufficiently serious in expression to be wearable. + +"Well, I never before met a woman who would deliberately flout her +neighbours by wearing preposterous millinery!" Ernest exclaimed. + +Hadria went her round of calls, and all eyes fixed themselves on her +bonnet. Mrs. Allan, who had small opportunity of seeing the fashions, +seemed impressed if slightly puzzled by it. Mrs. Jordan evidently +thought it "loud." Mrs. Walker supposed it fashionable, but regretted +that this sort of thing was going to be worn this season. She hoped the +girls would modify the style in adopting it. + +Mrs. Walker had heard that the two Professors had arrived at Craddock +Place yesterday afternoon, and the Engletons expected them to make a +visit of some weeks. Hadria's face brightened. + +"And so at last we may hope that the Priory will be inhabited," said the +vicar's wife. + +"Of course you know," she added in the pained voice that she always +reserved for anecdotes of local ill-doing, "that Mrs. Fortescue +committed suicide there." + +Madame Bertaux, the English wife of a French official, had chanced to +call, and Mrs. Walker gave the details of the story for the benefit of +the new-comer. + +Madame Bertaux was a brisk, clever, good-looking woman, with a profound +knowledge of the world and a corresponding contempt for it. + +It appeared that the Professor's wife, whom Madame Bertaux had happened +to meet in Paris, was a young, beautiful, and self-willed girl, +passionately devoted to her husband. She was piqued at his lack of +jealousy, and doubted or pretended to doubt his love for her. In order +to put him to the test, she determined to rouse his jealousy by violent +and systematic flirtation. This led to an entanglement, and finally, in +a fit of reckless anger, to an elopement with a Captain Bolton who was +staying at the Priory at the time. Seized with remorse, she had returned +home to kill herself. This was the tragedy that had kept the old house +for so many years tenantless. Hadria's music was the only sound that had +disturbed its silence, since the day when the dead body of its mistress +was found in the drawing-room, which she was supposed to have entered +unknown to anyone, by the window that gave on to the terrace. + +Valeria Du Prel was able to throw more light on the strange story. She +had difficulty in speaking without rancour of the woman who had thrown +away the love of such a man. She admitted that the girl was extremely +fascinating, and had seemed to Valeria to have the faults of an +impetuous rather than of a bad nature. She cherished that singular +desire of many strong-willed women, to be ruled and mastered by the man +she loved, and she had entirely failed to understand her husband's +attitude towards her. She resented it as a sign of indifference. She was +like the Chinese wives, who complain bitterly of a husband's neglect +when he omits to beat them. She taunted the Professor for failing to +assert his "rights." + +"Morally, I have no rights, except such as you choose to give me of your +own free will," he replied. "I am not your gaoler." + +"And even that did not penetrate to her better nature till it was too +late," Valeria continued. "But after the mischief was done, that phrase +seems to have stung her to torment. Her training had blinded her, as one +is blinded in coming out of darkness into a bright light. She was used +to narrower hearts and smaller brains. Her last letter--a terrible +record of the miseries of remorse--shews that she recognized at last +what sort of a man he was whose heart she had broken. But even in her +repentance, she was unable to conquer her egotism. She could not face +the horrors of self-accusation; she preferred to kill herself." + +"What a shocking story!" cried Hadria. + +"And all the more so because the Professor clings to her memory so +faithfully. He blames himself for everything. He ought, he says, to have +realized better the influence of her training; he ought to have made her +understand that he could not assert what she called his 'rights' without +insulting her and himself." + +"Whenever one hears anything new about the Professor, it is always +something that makes one admire and love him more than ever!" cried +Hadria. + +Her first meeting with him was in the old Yew Avenue in the Priory +garden. He was on his way to call at the Red House. She stood on a patch +of grass by a rustic seat commanding the vista of yews, and above them, +a wilderness of lilacs and laburnums, in full flower. It looked to her +like a pathway that led to some exquisite fairy palace of one's +childhood. + +Almost with the first word that the Professor uttered, Hadria felt a +sense of relief and hope. The very air seemed to grow lighter, the scent +of the swaying flowers sweeter. She always afterwards associated this +moment of meeting with the image of that avenue of mourning yews, +crowned with the sunlit magnificence of an upper world of blossom. + +What had she been thinking of to run so close to despair during these +years? A word, a smile, and the dead weight swerved, swung into balance, +and life lifted up its head once more. She remembered now, not her +limitations, but the good things of her lot; the cruelties that Fate had +spared her, the miseries that the ruthless goddess had apportioned to +others. But the Professor's presence did not banish, but rather +emphasized, the craving to take part in the enriching of that general +life which was so poor and sad. He strengthened her disposition to +revolt against the further impoverishment of it, through the starving of +her own nature. He would not blame her simply on account of difference +from others. She felt sure of that. He would not be shocked if she had +not answered to the stimulus of surroundings as faithfully as most +women seemed to answer to them. Circumstance had done its usual utmost +to excite her instinct to beat down the claims of her other self, but +for once, circumstance had failed. It was a solitary failure among a +creditable multitude of victories. But if instinct had not responded to +the imperious summons, the other self had been suffering the terrors of +a siege, and the garrison had grown starved and weakly. What would be +the end of it? And the little cynical imp that peeped among her +thoughts, as a monkey among forest boughs, gibbered his customary "What +matters it? One woman's destiny is but a small affair. If I were you I +would make less fuss about it." The Professor would understand that she +did not wish to make a fuss. He would not be hard upon any human being. +He knew that existence was not such an easy affair to manage. She wished +that she could tell him everything in her life--its struggle, its +desperate longing and ambition, its hatred, its love: only _he_ would +understand all the contradictions and all the pain. She would not mind +his blame, because he would understand, and the blame would be just. + +They walked together down the avenue towards the beautiful old Tudor +house, which stood on the further side of a broad lawn. + +The Professor looked worn and thin. He owned to being very tired of the +hurry and struggle of town. He was sick of the conflict of jealousies +and ambitions. It seemed so little worth while, this din of voices that +would so soon be silenced. + +"I starve for the sight of a true and simple face, for the grasp of a +brotherly hand." + +"_You?_" exclaimed Hadria. + +"There are so few, so very few, where the throng is thick and the battle +fierce. It saddens me to see good fellows trampling one another down, +growing hard and ungenerous. And then the vulgarity, the irreverence: +they are almost identical, I think. One grows very sick and sorry at +times amidst the cruelty and the baseness that threaten to destroy +one's courage and one's hope. I know that human nature has in it a germ +of nobility that will save it, in the long run, but meanwhile things +seem sadly out of joint." + +"Is that the order of the universe?" asked Hadria. + +"No, I think it is rather the disorder of man's nature," he replied. + +Hadria asked if he would return to tea at the Red House. The Professor +said he would like to call and see Hubert, but proposed a rest on the +terrace, as it was still early in the afternoon. + +"I used to avoid the place," he said, "but I made a mistake. I have +resolved to face the memories: it is better." + +It was the first time that he had ever referred, in Hadria's presence, +to the tragedy of the Priory. + +"I have often wished to speak to you about my wife," he said slowly, as +they sat down on the old seat, on the terrace. "I have felt that you +would understand the whole sad story, and I hoped that some day you +would know it." He paused and then added, "It has often been a comfort +to me to remember that you were in the world, for it made me feel less +lonely. I felt in you some new--what can I call it? instinct, impulse, +inspiration, which ran you straight against all the hardest stone walls +that intersect the pathways of this ridiculous old world. And, strange +to say, it is the very element in you that sets you at loggerheads with +others, that enabled me to understand you." + +Hadria looked bewildered. + +"To tell you the truth, I have always wondered why women have never felt +as I am sure you feel towards life. You remember that day at Dunaghee +when you were so annoyed at my guessing your thoughts. They were +unmistakeable to one who shared them. Your sex has always been a riddle +to me; there seemed to be something abject in their nature, even among +the noblest of them. But you are no riddle. While I think you are the +least simple woman I ever met, you are to me the easiest to +understand." + +"And yet I remember your telling me the exact contrary," said Hadria. + +"That was before I had caught the connecting thread. Had I been a woman, +I believe that life and my place in it would have affected me exactly as +it affects you." + +Hadria coloured over cheek and brow. It was so strange, so startling, so +delicious to find, for the first time in her life, this intimate +sympathy. + +"I wish my wife had possessed your friendship," he said. "I believe you +would have saved us." He passed his hands over his brow, looking round +at the closed windows of the drawing-room. "I almost feel as if she were +near us now on this old terrace that she loved so. She planted these +roses herself--how they have grown!" They were white cluster roses and +yellow banksias, which had strayed far along the balustrade, clambering +among the stone pillars. + +"You doubtless know the bare facts of her life, but nothing is so +misleading as bare fact. My wife was one of the positive natures, +capable of great nobility, but liable to glaring error and sin! She held +ideas passionately. She had the old barbaric notion that a husband was a +sort of master, and must assert his authority and rights. It was the +result of her training. I saw that a great development was before her. I +pleased myself with the thought of watching and helping it. She was +built on a grand scale. To set her free from prejudice, from her +injustice to herself, from her dependence on me; to teach her to breathe +deep with those big lungs of hers and think bravely with that capacious +brain: that was my dream. I hoped to hear her say to me some day, what I +fear no woman has yet been able to say to her husband, 'The day of our +marriage was the birthday of my freedom.'" + +Hadria drew a long breath. It seemed to overwhelm her that a man, even +the Professor, could utter such a sentiment. All the old hereditary +instincts of conquest and ownership appeared to be utterly dead in him. + +No wonder he had found life a lonely pilgrimage! He lived before his +time. His wife had taunted him because he would not treat her as his +legal property, or rule her through the claims and opportunities that +popular sentiment assigned to him. + +When a woman as generous as himself, as just, as gentle-hearted, had +appeared on the horizon of the world, the advent of a nobler social +order might be hoped for. The two were necessary for the new era. + +Then, not only imagination, but cold reason herself grew eloquent with +promises. + +"It was in there, in the old drawing-room, where we had sat together +evening after evening, that they found her dead, the very type of all +that is brilliant and exquisite and living. To me she was everything. +All my personal happiness was centred in her. I cared for nothing so +long as she was in the same world as myself, and I might love her. In +the darkness that followed, I was brought face to face with the most +terrible problems of human fate. I had troubled myself but little about +the question of the survival of the personality after death; I had been +pre-occupied with life. Now I realized out of what human longings and +what human desperation our religions are built. For one gleam of hope +that we should meet again--what would I not have given? But it never +came. The trend of my thought made all such hopes impossible. I have +grown charier of the word 'impossible' now. We know so infinitesimally +little. I had to learn to live on comfortless. All that was strongly +personal in me died. All care about myself went out suddenly, as in +other cases I think it goes out slowly, beaten down by the continued +buffetings of life. I gave myself to my work, and then a curious +decentralizing process took place. I ceased to be the point round which +the world revolved, in my own consciousness. We all start our career as +pivots, if I am not mistaken. The world span, and I, in my capacity of +atomic part, span with it. I mean that this was a continuous, not an +occasional state of consciousness. After that came an unexpected +peace." + +"You have travelled a long and hard road to find it!" cried Hadria. + +"Not a unique fate," he said with a smile. + +"It must be a terrible process that quite kills the personal in one, it +is so strong. With me the element is clamorous." + +"It has its part to play." + +"Surely the gods must be jealous of human beings. Why did they destroy +the germ of such happiness as you might have had?" + +"The stern old law holds for ever; wrong and error have to be expiated." + +The Professor traced the history of his wife's family, shewing the +gradual gathering of Fate to its culmination in the tragedy of her short +life. Her father and grandfather had both been men of violent and +tyrannical temper, and tradition gave the same character to their +forefathers. Eleanor's mother was one of the meek and saintly women who +almost invariably fall to the lot of overbearing men. She had made a +virtue of submitting to tyranny, and even to downright cruelty, thus +almost repeating the story of her equally meek predecessor, of whose +ill-treatment stories were still current in the district. + +"When death put an end to their wretchedness, one would suppose that the +evil of their lives was worked out and over, but it was not so. The +Erinnys were still unsatisfied. My poor wife became the victim of their +fury. And every new light that science throws upon human life shews that +this _must_ be so. The old Greeks saw that unconscious evil-doing is +punished as well as that which is conscious. These poor unselfish women, +piling up their own supposed merit, at the expense of the character of +their tyrants, laid up a store of misery for their descendant, my +unhappy wife. Imagine the sort of training and tradition that she had to +contend with; her mother ignorant and supine, her father violent, +bigoted, almost brutal. Eleanor's nature was obscured and distorted by +it. Having inherited the finer and stronger qualities of her father's +race, with much of its violence, she was going through a struggle at the +time of our marriage: training, native vigour and nobility all embroiled +in a desperate civil war. It was too much. There is no doubt as to the +ultimate issue, but the struggle killed her. It is a common story: a +character militant which meets destruction in the struggle for life. The +past evil pursues and throttles the present good." + +"This takes away the last consolation from women who have been forced to +submit to evil conditions," said Hadria. + +"It is the truth," said the Professor. "The Erinnys are no mere fancy of +the Greek mind. They are symbols of an awful fact of life that no one +can afford to ignore." + +"What insensate fools we all are!" Hadria exclaimed. "I mean women." + +The Professor made no polite objection to the statement. + +As they were wending their way towards the Red House, the Professor +reminded his companion of the old friendship that had existed between +them, ever since Hadria was a little girl. He had always cherished +towards her that sentiment of affectionate good-fellowship. She must +check him if he seemed to presume upon it, in seeking sympathy or +offering it. He watched her career with the deepest interest and +anxiety. He always believed that she would give some good gift to the +world. And he still believed it. Like the rest of us, she needed +sympathy at the right moment. + +"We need to feel that there is someone who believes in us, in our good +faith, in our good will, one who will not judge according to outward +success or failure. Remember," he said, "that I have that unbounded +faith in you. Nothing can move it. Whatever happens and wherever you may +be led by the strange chances of life, don't forget the existence of one +old friend, or imagine that anything can shake his friendship or his +desire to be of service." + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + +"The worst thing about the life of you married people," said Valeria, +"is its ridiculous rigidity. It takes more energy to get the dinner +delayed for a quarter of an hour in most well-regulated houses, or some +slight change in routine, than to alter a frontier, or pass an Act of +Parliament." + +Hadria laughed. "Until you discovered this by personal inconvenience, +you always scolded me for my disposition to jeer at the domestic +scheme." + +"It _is_ a little geometrical," Valeria admitted. + +"Geometrical! It is like a gigantic ordnance map palmed off on one +instead of a real landscape." + +"Come now, to be just, say an Italian garden." + +"That flatters it, but the simile will do. The eye sees to the end of +every path, and knows that it leads to nothing." + +"Ah! dear Hadria, but all the pathways of the world have that very same +goal." + +"At least some of them have the good taste to wind a little, and thus +disguise the fact. And think of the wild flowers one may gather by the +wayside in some forest track, or among the mountain passes; but in these +prim alleys what natural thing can one know? Brain and heart grow tame +and clipped to match the hedges, or take on grotesque shapes----" + +"That one must guard against." + +"Oh, I am sick of guarding against things. To be always warding off +evil, is an evil in itself. Better let it come." + +Valeria looked at her companion anxiously. + +"One knows how twirling round in a circle makes one giddy, or following +the same path stupefies. How does the polar bear feel, I wonder, after +he has walked up and down in his cage for years and years?" + +"Used to it, I imagine," said Valeria. + +"But before he gets used to it, that is the bad time. And then it is all +so confusing----" + +Hadria sat on the low parapet of the terrace at the Priory. Valeria had +a place on the topmost step, where the sun had been beating all the +morning. Hadria had taken off her hat to enjoy the warmth. The long +sprays of the roses were blown across her now and then. Once, a thorn +had left a mark of blood upon her hand. + +Valeria gathered a spray, and nodded slowly. + +"I don't want to allow emotion to get the better of me, Valeria. I don't +want to run rank like some overgrown weed, and so I dread the +accumulation of emotion--emotion that has never had a good explosive +utterance. One has to be so discreet in these Italian gardens; no one +shouts or says 'damn.'" + +"Ah! you naturally feel out of your element." + +Hadria laughed. "It's all very well to take that superior tone. _You_ +don't reside on an ordnance map." + +There was a pause. Miss Du Prel seemed lost in thought. + +"It is this dead silence that oppresses one, this hushed endurance of +the travail of life. How do these women stand it?" + +Valeria presently woke up, and admitted that to live in an English +village would drive her out of her mind in a week. "And yet, Valeria, +you have often professed to envy me, because I had what you called a +place in life--as if a place in Craddock Dene were the same thing!" + +"It is well that you do not mean all you say." + +"Or say all I mean." + +Valeria laid her hand on Hadria's with wistful tenderness. + +"I don't think anyone will ever quite understand you, Hadria." + +"Including perhaps myself. I sometimes fancy that when it became +necessary to provide me with a disposition, the material had run out, +for the moment, nothing being left but a few remnants of other people's +characters; so a living handful of these was taken up, roughly welded +together, and then the mixture was sent whirling into space, to boil and +sputter itself out as best it might." + +Miss Du Prel turned to her companion. + +"I see that you are incongruously situated, but don't you think that you +may be wrong yourself? Don't you think you may be making a mistake?" + +Hadria was emphatic in assent. + +"Not only do I think I may be wrong, but I don't see how--unless by pure +chance--I can be anything else. For I can't discover what is right. I +see women all round me actuated by this frenzied sense of duty; I see +them toiling submissively at their eternal treadmill; occupying their +best years in the business of filling their nurseries; losing their +youth, narrowing their intelligence, ruining their husbands, and +clouding their very moral sense at last. Well, I know that such conduct +is supposed to be right and virtuous. But I can't see it. It impresses +me simply as stupid and degrading. And from my narrow little point of +observation, the more I see of life, the more hopelessly involved become +all questions of right and wrong where our confounded sex is concerned." + +"Why? Because the standards are changing," asserted Miss Du Prel. + +"Because--look, Valeria, our present relation to life is _in itself_ an +injury, an insult--you have never seriously denied that--and how can one +make for oneself a moral code that has to lay its foundation-stone in +that very injury? And if one lays one's foundation-stone in open ground +beyond, then one's code is out of touch with present fact, and one's +morality consists in sheer revolt all along the line. The whole matter +is in confusion. You have to accept Mrs. Walker's and Mrs. Gordon's view +of the case, plainly and simply, or you get off into a sort of morass +and blunder into quicksands." + +"Then what happens?" + +"That's just what I don't know. That's just why I say that I am probably +wrong, because, in this transition period, there seems to be no clear +right." + +"To cease to believe in right and wrong would be to founder morally, +altogether," Valeria warned. + +"I know, and yet I begin to realize how true it is that there is no such +thing as absolute right or wrong. It is related to the case and the +moment." + +"This leads up to some desperate deed or other, Hadria," cried her +friend, "I have feared it, or hoped it, I scarcely know which, for some +time. But you alarm me to-day." + +"If I believed in the efficacy of a desperate deed, Valeria, I should +not chafe as I do, against the conditions of the present scheme of +things. If individuals could find a remedy for themselves, with a little +courage and will, there would be less occasion to growl." + +"But can they not?" + +"Can they?" asked Hadria. "A woman without means of livelihood, breaks +away from her moorings--well, it is as if a child were to fall into the +midst of some gigantic machinery that is going at full speed. Let her +try the feat, and the cracking of her bones by the big wheels will +attest its hopelessness. And yet I long to try!" Hadria added beneath +her breath. + +Miss Du Prel admitted that success was rare in the present delirious +state of competition. Individuals here and there pulled through. + +"I told you years ago that Nature had chosen our sex for ill-usage. Try +what we may, defeat and suffering await us, in one form or another. You +are dissatisfied with your form of suffering, I with mine. A creature in +pain always thinks it would be more bearable if only it were on the +other side." + +"Ah, I know you won't admit it," said Hadria, "but some day we shall all +see that this is the result of human cruelty and ignorance, and that it +is no more 'intended' or inherently necessary than that children should +be born with curvature of the spine, or rickets. Some day it will be as +clear as noon, that heartless 'some day' which can never help you or me, +or any of us who live now. It is we, I suppose, who are required to help +the 'some day.' Only how, when we are ourselves _in extremis_?" + +"The poor are helpers of the poor," said Valeria. + +"But if they grow too poor, to starvation point, then they can help no +more; they can only perish slowly." + +"I hoped," said Valeria, "that Professor Fortescue would have poured oil +upon the troubled waters." + +"He does in one sense. But in another, he makes me feel more than ever +what I am missing." + +Miss Du Prel's impulsive instincts could be kept at bay no longer. + +"There is really nothing for it, but some deed of daring," she cried. "I +believe, if only your husband could get over his horror of the scandal +and talk, that a separation would be best for you both. It is not as if +he cared for you. One can see he does not. You are such a strange, +inconsequent being, Hadria, that I believe you would feel the parting +far more than he would (conventions apart)." + +"No question of it," said Hadria. "Our disharmony, radical and hopeless +as it is, does not prevent my having a strong regard for Hubert. I can't +help seeing the admirable sides of his character. He is too irritated +and aggrieved to feel anything but rancour against me. It is natural. I +understand." + +"Ah, it will only end in some disaster, if you try to reconcile the +irreconcilable. Of course I think it is a great pity that you have not +more of the instincts on which homes are founded, but since you have +not----" + +Hadria turned sharply round. "Do you really regret that just for once +the old, old game has been played unsuccessfully? Therein I can't agree +with you, though I am the loser by it." Hadria grasped a swaying spray +that the wind blew towards her, and clasped it hard in her hand, +regardless of the thorns. "It gives me a keen, fierce pleasure to know +that for all their training and constraining and incitement and +starvation, I have _not_ developed masses of treacly instinct in which +mind and will and every human faculty struggle, in vain, to move leg or +wing, like some poor fly doomed to a sweet and sticky death. At least +the powers of the world shall not prevail with me by _that_ old device. +Mind and will and every human faculty may die, but they shall not drown, +in the usual applauded fashion, in seas of tepid, bubbling, up-swelling +instinct. I will dare anything rather than endure that. They must take +the trouble to provide instruments of death from without; they must lay +siege and starve me; they must attack in soldierly fashion; I will not +save them the exertion by developing the means of destruction from +within. There I stand at bay. They shall knock down the citadel of my +mind and will, stone by stone." + +"That is a terrible challenge!" exclaimed Miss Du Prel. + +A light laugh sounded across the lawn. + +The afternoon sunshine threw four long shadows over the grass: of a +slightly-built woman, of a very tall man, and of two smaller men. + +The figures themselves were hidden by a group of shrubs, and only the +shadows were visible. They paused, for a moment, as if in consultation; +the lady standing, with her weight half leaning on her parasol. The tall +man seemed to be talking to her vivaciously. His long, shadow-arms shot +across the grass, his head wagged. + +"The shadows of Fate!" cried Valeria fantastically. + +Then they moved into sight, advancing towards the terrace. + +"Who are they I wonder? Oh, Professor Fortescue, for one!" + +"Lady Engleton and Joseph Fleming. The other I don't know." + +He was very broad and tall, having a slight stoop, and a curious way of +carrying his head, craned forward. The attitude suggested a keen +observer. He was attired in knickerbockers and rough tweed Norfolk +jacket, and he looked robust and powerful, almost to excess. The chin +and mouth were concealed by the thick growth of dark hair, but one +suspected unpleasant things of the latter. As far as one could judge his +age, he seemed a man of about five-and-thirty, with vigour enough to +last for another fifty years. + +"That," said Valeria, "must be Professor Theobald. He has probably come +to see the house." + +"I am sure I shall hate that man," exclaimed Hadria. "He is not to be +trusted; what nonsense he is talking to Lady Engleton!" + +"You can't hear, can you?" + +"No; I can see. And she laughs and smiles and bandies words with him. He +is amusing certainly; there is that excuse for her; but I wonder how she +can do it." + +"What an extraordinary creature you are! To take a prejudice against a +man before you have spoken to him." + +"He is cruel, he is cruel!" exclaimed Hadria in a low, excited voice. +"He is like some cunning wild animal. Look at Professor Fortescue! his +opposite pole--why it is all clearer, at this distance, than if we were +under the confusing influence of their speech. See the contrast between +that quiet, firm walk, and the insinuating, conceited tread of the other +man. Joseph Fleming comes out well too, honest soul!" + +"He is carrying a fishing-rod. They have been fishing," said Valeria. + +"Not Professor Fortescue, I am certain. _He_ does not find his pleasure +in causing pain." + +"This hero-worship blinds you. Depend upon it, he is not without the +primitive instinct to kill." + +"There are individual exceptions to all savage instincts, or the world +would never move." + +"Instinct rules the world," said Miss Du Prel. "At least it is obviously +neither reason nor the moral sense that rules it." + +"Then why does it produce a Professor Fortescue now and then?" + +"Possibly as a corrective." + +"Or perhaps for fun," said Hadria. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + +"Professor Theobald, if you are able to resist the fascinations of this +old house you are made of sterner stuff than I thought." + +"I can never resist fascinations, Lady Engleton." + +"Do you ever try?" + +"My life is spent in the endeavour." + +"How foolish!" Whether this applied to the endeavour or to the remark, +did not quite appear. Lady Engleton's graceful figure leant over the +parapet. + +"Do you know, Mrs. Temperley," she said in her incessantly vivacious +manner, "I have scarcely heard a serious word since our two Professors +came to us. Isn't it disgraceful? I naturally expected to be improved +and enlightened, but they are both so frivolous, I can't keep them for a +moment to any important subject. They refuse to be profound. It is _I_ +who have to be profound." + +"While _we_ endeavour to be charming," said Professor Theobald. + +"You may think that flattering, but I confess it seems to me a beggarly +compliment (as men's to women usually are)." + +"You expect too much of finite intelligence, Lady Engleton." + +"This is how I am always put off! If it were not that you are both such +old friends--you are a sort of cousin I think, Professor Fortescue--I +should really feel aggrieved. One has to endure so much more from +relations. No, but really; I appeal to Mrs. Temperley. When one is +hungering for erudition, to be offered compliments! Not that I can +accuse Professor Fortescue of compliments," she added with a laugh; +"wild horses would not drag one from him. I angle vainly. But he is so +ridiculously young. He enjoys things as if he were a schoolboy. Does one +look for that in one's Professors? He talks of the country as if it were +_Paradise Regained_." + +"So it is to me," he said with a smile. + +"But that is not your _role_. You have to think, not to enjoy." + +"Then you must not invite us to Craddock Place," Professor Theobald +stipulated. + +"As usual, a halting compliment." + +"To take you seriously, Lady Engleton," said Professor Fortescue, +"(though I know it is a dangerous practice) one of the great advantages +of an occasional think is to enable one to relish the joys of mental +vacuity, just as the pleasure of idleness is never fully known till one +has worked." + +"Ah," sighed Lady Engleton, "I know I don't extract the full flavour out +of _that_!" + +"It is a neglected art," said the Professor. "After worrying himself +with the problems of existence, as the human being is prone to do, as +soon as existence is more or less secure and peaceful, a man can +experience few things more enjoyable than to leave aside all problems +and go out into the fields, into the sun, to feel the life in his veins, +the world at the threshold of his five senses." + +"Ah, now you really are profound at last, Professor!" + +"I thought it was risky to take you seriously." + +"No, no, I am delighted. The world at the threshold of one's five +senses. One has but to look and to listen and the beauty of things +displays itself for our benefit. Yes, but that is what the artists say, +not the Professors." + +"Even a Professor is human," pleaded Theobald. + +Valeria quoted some lines that she said expressed Professor Fortescue's +idea. + + "Carry me out into the wind and the sunshine, + Into the beautiful world!" + +Lady Engleton's artistic instinct seemed to occupy itself less with the +interpretation of Nature than with the appreciation of the handiwork of +man. The lines did not stir her. Professor Theobald shared her +indifference for the poetic expression, but not for the reality +expressed. + +"I quarrel with you about art," said Lady Engleton. "Art is art, and +nature is nature, both charming in their way, though I prefer art." + +"Our old quarrel!" said the Professor. + +"Because a wild glade is beautiful in its quality of wild glade, you +can't see the beauty in a trim bit of garden, with its delightful +suggestion of human thought and care." + +"I object to stiffness," said Professor Theobald. + +His proposals to improve the stately old gardens at the Priory by adding +what Lady Engleton called "fatuous wriggles to all the walks, for mere +wrigglings' sake," had led to hot discussions on the principles of art +and the relation of symmetry to the sensibilities of mankind. Lady +Engleton thought the Professor crude in taste, and shallow in knowledge, +on this point. + +"And yet you appreciate so keenly my old enamels, and your eye seeks +out, in a minute, a picturesque roof or gable." + +"Perhaps Theobald leans to the picturesque and does not care for the +classic," suggested his colleague; "a fundamental distinction in mental +bias." + +"Then why does he enjoy so much of the _Renaissance_ work on caskets and +goblets? He was raving about them last night in the choicest English." + +Lady Engleton crossed over to speak to Miss Du Prel. Professor Theobald +approached Mrs. Temperley and Joseph Fleming. Hadria knew by some +instinct that the Professor had been waiting for an opportunity to speak +to her. As he drew near, a feeling of intense enmity arose within her, +which reached its highest pitch when he addressed her in a fine, +low-toned voice of peculiarly fascinating quality. Every instinct rose +up as if in warning. He sat down beside her, and began to talk about +the Priory and its history. His ability was obvious, even in his choice +of words and his selection of incidents. He had the power of making dry +archaeological facts almost dramatic. His speech differed from that of +most men, in the indefinable manner wherein excellence differs from +mediocrity. Yet Hadria was glad to notice some equally indefinable lack, +corresponding perhaps to the gap in his consciousness that Lady Engleton +had come upon in their discussions on the general principles of art. +What was it? A certain stilted, unreal quality? Scarcely. Words refused +to fit themselves to the evasive form. Something that suggested the term +"second class," though whether it were the manner or the substance that +was responsible for the impression, was difficult to say. + +Sometimes his words allowed two possible interpretations to be put upon +a sentence. He was a master of the ambiguous. Obviously it was not lack +of skill that produced the double-faced phrases. + +He did not leave his listeners long in doubt as to his personal history. +He enjoyed talking about himself. He was a Professor of archaeology, and +had written various learned books on the subject. But his studies had by +no means been confined to the one theme. History had also interested him +profoundly. He had published a work on the old houses of England. The +Priory figured among them. It was not difficult to discover from the +conversation of this singular man, whose subtle and secretive instincts +were contradicted, at times, by a strange inconsequent frankness, that +his genuine feeling for the picturesque was accompanied by an equally +strong predilection for the appurtenances of wealth and splendour; his +love of great names and estates being almost of the calibre of the +housemaid's passion for lofty personages in her penny periodical. He +seemed to be a man of keen and cunning ability, who studied and played +upon the passions and weaknesses of his fellows, possibly for their +good, but always as a magician might deal with the beings subject to his +power. By what strange lapse did he thus naively lay himself open to +their smiles? + +Hadria was amused at his occasional impulse of egotistic frankness (or +what appeared to be such), when he would solemnly analyse his own +character, admitting his instinct to deceive with an engaging and +scholarly candour. + +His penetrating eyes kept a watch upon his audience. His very simplicity +seemed to be guarded by his keenness. + +Hadria chafed under his persistent effort to attract and interest her. +She gave a little inward shiver on finding that there was a vague, +unaccountable, and unpleasant fascination in the personality of the man. + +It was not charm, it was nothing that inspired admiration; it rather +inspired curiosity and stirred the spirit of research, a spirit which +evidently animated himself. She felt that, in order to investigate the +workings of her mind and her heart, the Professor would have coolly +pursued the most ruthless psychical experiments, no matter at what cost +of anguish to herself. In the interests of science and humanity, the +learned Professor would certainly not hesitate to make one wretched +individual agonize. + +His appeal to the intellect was stimulatingly strong; it was like a +stinging wind, that made one walk at a reckless pace, and brought the +blood tingling through every vein. That intellectual force could alone +explain the fact of his being counted by Professor Fortescue as a +friend. Even then it was a puzzling friendship. Could it be that to +Professor Fortescue, he shewed only his best side? His manner was more +respectful towards his colleague than towards other men, but even with +him he was irreverent in his heart, as towards mankind in general. + +To Hadria he spoke of Professor Fortescue with enthusiasm--praising his +great power, his generosity, his genial qualities, and his uprightness; +then he laughed at him as a modern Don Quixote, and sneered at his +efforts to save animal suffering when he might have made a name that +would never be forgotten, if he pursued a more fruitful branch of +research. + +Hadria remarked that Professor Theobald's last sentence had added the +crowning dignity to his eulogium. + +He glanced at her, as if taking her measure. + +"Fortescue," he called out, "I envy you your champion. You point, Mrs. +Temperley, to lofty altitudes. I, as a mere man, cannot pretend to scale +them." + +Then he proceeded to bring down feminine loftiness with virile reason. + +"In this world, where there are so many other evils to combat, one feels +that it is more rational to attack the more important first." + +"Ah! there is nothing like an evil to bolster up an evil," cried +Professor Fortescue; "the argument never fails. Every abuse may find +shelter behind it. The slave trade, for instance; have we not white +slavery in our midst? How inconsistent to trouble about negroes till our +own people are truly free! Wife-beating? Sad; but then children are +often shamefully ill-used. Wait till _they_ are fully protected before +fussing about wives. Protect children? Foolish knight-errant, when you +ought to know that drunkenness is at the root of these crimes! Sweep +away _this_ curse, before thinking of the children. As for animals, how +can any rational person consider _their_ sufferings, when there are men, +women, and children with wrongs to be redressed?" + +Professor Theobald laughed. + +"My dear Fortescue, I knew you would have some ingenious excuse for your +amiable weaknesses." + +"It is easier to find epithets than answers, Theobald," said the +Professor with a smile. "I confess I wonder at a man of your logical +power being taken in with this cheap argument, if argument it can be +called." + +"It is my attachment to logic that makes me crave for consistency," said +Theobald, not over pleased at his friend's attack. + +Professor Fortescue stared in surprise. + +"But do you really mean to tell me that you think it logical to excuse +one abuse by pointing to another?" + +"I think that while there are ill-used women and children, it is +certainly inconsistent to consider animals," said Theobald. + +"It does not occur to you that the spirit in man that permits abuse of +power over animals is precisely the same devil-inspired spirit that +expresses itself in cruelty towards children. Ah," continued Professor +Fortescue, shaking his head, "then you really are one of the many who +help wrong to breed wrong, and suffering to foster suffering, all the +world over. It is you and those who reason as you reason, who give to +our miseries their terrible vitality. What arguments has evil ever given +to evil! What shelter and succour cruelty offers eternally to cruelty!" + +"I can't attempt to combat this hobby of yours, Fortescue." + +"Again a be-littling epithet in place of an argument! But I know of old +that on this subject your intellectual acumen deserts you, as it deserts +nearly all men. You sink suddenly to lower spiritual rank, and employ +reasoning that you would laugh to scorn in connection with every other +topic." + +"You seem bent on crushing me," exclaimed Theobald. "And Mrs. Temperley +enjoys seeing me mangled. Talk about cruelty to animals! I call this +cold-blooded devilry! Mrs. Temperley, come to my rescue!" + +"So long as other forms of cruelty can be instanced, Professor Theobald, +I don't see how, on your own shewing, you can expect any consistent +person to raise a finger to help you," Hadria returned. Theobald +laughed. + +"But I consider myself too important and valuable to be made the subject +of this harsh treatment." + +"That is for others to decide. If it affords us amusement to torment +you, and amusement benefits our nerves and digestion, how can you justly +object? We must consider the greatest good of the greatest number; and +we are twice as numerous as you." + +"You are delicious!" he exclaimed. Mrs. Temperley's manner stiffened. + +Acute as the Professor was in many directions, he did not appear to +notice the change. + +His own manner was not above criticism. + +"It is strange," said Lady Engleton, in speaking of him afterwards to +Hadria, "it is strange that his cleverness does not come to the rescue; +but so far from that, I think it leads him a wild dance over boggy +ground, like some will-o'-the-wisp, but for whose freakish allurements +the good man might have trodden a quiet and inoffensive way." + +The only means of procuring the indispensable afternoon tea was to go on +to the Red House, which Mrs. Temperley proposed that they should all do. + +"And is there no shaking your decision about the Priory, Professor +Theobald?" Lady Engleton asked as they descended the steps. + +The Professor's quick glance sought Mrs. Temperley's before he answered. +"I confess to feeling less heroic this afternoon." + +"Oh, good! We may perhaps have you for a neighbour after all." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + + +Hadria tried to avoid Professor Theobald, but he was not easily avoided. +She frequently met him in her walks. The return of spring had tempted +her to resume her old habit of rising with the sun. But she found, what +she had feared, that her strength had departed, and she was fatigued +instead of invigorated, as of yore. She did not regard this loss in a +resigned spirit. Resignation was certainly not her strong point. The +vicar's wife and the doctor's wife and the rest of the neighbours +compared their woes and weariness over five o'clock tea, and these +appeared so many and so severe that Hadria felt half ashamed to count +hers at all. Yet why lower the altars of the sane goddess because her +shrine was deserted? Health was health, though all the women of England +were confirmed invalids. And with nothing less ought reasonable +creatures to be satisfied. As for taking enfeeblement as a natural +dispensation, she would as soon regard delirium tremens in that light. + +She chafed fiercely against the loss of that blessed sense of well-being +and overflowing health, that she used to have, in the old days. She +resented the nerve-weariness, the fatigue that she was now more +conscious of than ever, with the coming of the spring. The impulse of +creative energy broke forth in her. The pearly mornings and the birds' +songs stirred every instinct of expression. The outburst did not receive +its usual check. The influences of disenchantment were counteracted by +Professor Fortescue's presence. His sympathy was marvellous in its +penetration, brimming the cold hollows of her spirit, as a flooded +river fills the tiniest chinks and corners about its arid banks. He +called forth all her natural buoyancy and her exulting sense of life, +which was precisely the element which charged her sadness with such a +fierce electric quality, when she became possessed by it, as a cloud by +storm. + +Valeria too was roused by the season. + +"What a parable it all is, as old as the earth, and as fresh, each new +year, as if a messenger-angel had come straight from heaven, in his +home-spun of young green, to tell us that all is well." + +If Hadria met Professor Theobald in her rambles, she always cut short +her intended walk. She and Valeria with Professor Fortescue wandered +together, far and wide. They watched the daily budding greenery, the +gleams of daffodils among their sword-blades of leaves, the pushing of +sheaths and heads through the teeming soil, the bursts of sunshine and +the absurd childish little gushes of rain, skimming the green country +like a frown. + +"Truly a time for joy and idleness." + +"If only," said Hadria, when Professor Theobald thus grew enthusiastic +on the subject, "if only my cook had not given a month's notice." + +She would not second his mood, be it what it might. Each day, as they +passed along the lanes, the pale green had spread, like fire, on the +hedges, caught the chestnuts, with their fat buds shining in the sun, +which already was releasing the close-packed leaflets. + +Hadria (apparently out of sheer devilry, said Professor Theobald) kept +up a running commentary on the season, and on her hapless position, +bound to be off on the chase for a cook at this moment of festival. Nor +was this all. Crockery, pots and pans, clothes for the children, clothes +for herself, were urgently needed, and no experienced person, she +declared, could afford to regard the matter as simple because it was +trivial. + +"One of the ghastliest mistakes in this trivial and laborious world." + +Valeria thought that cooks had simply to be advertised for, and they +came. + +"What _naivete!_" exclaimed Hadria. "Helen was persuaded to cross the +seas from her Spartan home to set Troy ablaze, and tarnish her fair +fame, but it would take twenty sons of Priam to induce a damsel to come +over dry land to Craddock Dene, to cook our dinners and retain her +character." + +"You would almost imply that women don't so very much care about their +characters," said Valeria. + +"Oh, they do! but sometimes the dulness that an intelligent society has +ordained as the classic accompaniment to social smiles, gets the better +of a select few--Helen _par exemple_." + +It frequently happened that Hadria and Miss Du Prel came across Lady +Engleton and her guests, in the Priory garden. From being accidental, +the meetings had become intentional. + +"I like to fancy we are fugitives--like Boccaccio's merry company--from +the plague of our daily prose, to this garden of sweet poetry!" cried +Miss Du Prel. + +They all kindled at the idea. Valeria made some fanciful laws that she +said were to govern the little realm. Everyone might express himself +freely, and all that he said would be held as sacred, as if it were in +confidence. To speak ill or slightingly of anyone, was forbidden. All +local and practical topics were to be dropped, as soon as the moss-grown +griffins who guarded the Garden of Forgetfulness were passed. + +Hadria was incorrigibly flippant about the banishment of important local +subjects. She said that the kitchen-boiler was out of order, and yet she +had to take part in these highly-cultivated conversations and smile, as +she complained, with that kitchen-boiler gnawing at her vitals. She +claimed to be set on a level with the Spartan boy, if not above him. +Valeria might scoff, as those proverbially did who never felt a wound. +Hadria found a certain lack of tender feeling among the happy few who +had no such tragic burdens to sustain. + +Not only were these prosaic subjects banished from within the cincture +of the gentle griffins, but also the suspicions, spites, petty +jealousies, vulgar curiosities, and all the indefinable little darts and +daggers that fly in the social air, destroying human sympathy and +good-will. Each mind could expand freely, no longer on the defensive +against the rain of small stabs. There grew up a delicate, and +chivalrous code among the little group who met within the griffins' +territory. + +"It is not for us to say that, individually, we transcend the average of +educated mortals," said Professor Theobald, "but I do assert that +collectively we soar high above that depressing standard." + +Professor Fortescue observed that whatever might be said about their own +little band, it was a strange fact that bodies of human beings were able +to produce, by union, a condition far above or far below the average of +their separate values. "There is something chemical and explosive in +human relationships," he said. + +These meetings stood out as a unique experience in the memory of all who +took part in them. Chance had brought them to pass, and they refused to +answer to the call of a less learned magician. + +Lady Engleton and Mrs. Temperley alternately sent tea and fruit to the +terrace, on the days of meeting, and there the little company would +spend the afternoon serenely, surrounded by the beauties of the garden +with its enticing avenues, its chaunting birds, its flushes of bloom, +and its rich delicious scents. + +"Why do we, in the nineteenth century, starve ourselves of these +delicate joys?" cried Valeria. "Why do we so seldom leave our stupid +pre-occupations and open our souls to the sun, to the spring, to the +gentle invitations of gardens, to the charm of conversation? We seem to +know nothing of the serenities, the urbanities of life." + +"We live too fast; we are too much troubled about outward things--cooks +and dressmakers, Mrs. Temperley," said Professor Theobald. + +"Poor cooks and dressmakers!" murmured Professor Fortescue, "where are +_their_ serenities and urbanities?" + +"I would not deprive any person of the good things of life," cried +Valeria; "but at present, it is only a few who can appreciate and +contribute to the delicate essence that I speak of. I don't think one +could expect it of one's cook, after all." + +"One is mad to expect anything of those who have had no chance," said +Professor Fortescue. "That nevertheless we consistently do,--or what +amounts to the same thing: we plume ourselves on what chance has enabled +us to be and to achieve, as if between us and the less fortunate there +were some great difference of calibre and merit. Nine times in ten, +there is nothing between us but luck." + +"Oh, dear, you _are_ democratic, Professor!" cried Lady Engleton. + +"No; I am merely trying to be just." + +"To be just you must apply your theory to men and women, as well as to +class and class," Valeria suggested. + +"_Mon Dieu!_ but so I do; so I always have done, as soon as I was +intellectually short-coated." + +"And would you excuse all our weaknesses on that ground?" asked Lady +Engleton, with a somewhat ingratiating upward gaze of her blue eyes. + +"I would account for them as I would account for the weaknesses of my +own sex. As for excusing, the question of moral responsibility is too +involved to be decided off-hand." + +The atmosphere of Griffin-land, as Professor Theobald called it, while +becoming to his character, made him a little recklessly frank at times. + +He admitted that throughout his varied experience of life, he had found +flattery the most powerful weapon in a skilled hand, and that he had +never known it fail. He related instances of the signal success which +had followed its application with the trowel. He reminded his listeners +of Lord Beaconsfield's famous saying, and chuckled over the unfortunate +woman, "plain as a pike-staff," who had become his benefactress, in +consequence of a discreet allusion to the "power of beauty" and a +well-placed sigh. + +"The woman must have been a fool!" said Joseph Fleming. + +"By no means; she was of brilliant intellect. But praises of that were +tame to her; she knew her force, and was perhaps tired of the solitude +it induced." Professor Theobald laughed mightily at his own sarcasm. +"But when the whisper of 'beauty' came stealing to her ear (which was by +no means like a shell) it was surpassing sweet to her. I think there is +no yearning more intense than that of a clever woman for the triumphs of +mere beauty. She would give all her powers of intellect for the smallest +tribute to personal and feminine charm. What is your verdict, Mrs. +Temperley?" + +Mrs. Temperley supposed that clever women had something of human nature +in them, and valued overmuch what they did not possess. + +Professor Theobald had perhaps looked for an answer that would have +betrayed more of the speaker's secret feelings. + +"It is the fashion, I know," he said, "to regard woman as an enigma. +Now, without professing any unusual acuteness, I believe that this is a +mistake. Woman is an enigma certainly, because she is human, but that +ends it. Her conditions have tended to cultivate in her the power of +dissimulation, and the histrionic quality, just as the peaceful ilex +learns to put forth thorns if you expose it to the attacks of devouring +cattle. It is this instinct to develop thorns in self-defence, and yet +to live a little behind the prickly outposts, that leads to our notion +of mystery in woman's nature. Let a man's subsistence and career be +subject to the same powers and chances as the success of a woman's life +now hangs on, and see whether he too does not become a histrionic +enigma." + +Professor Fortescue observed that the clergy, at times, developed +qualities called feminine, because in some respects their conditions +resembled those of women. + +Theobald assented enthusiastically to this view. He had himself entered +the church as a young fellow (let not Mrs. Temperley look so +inconsiderately astonished), and had left it on account of being unable +to conscientiously subscribe to its tenets. + +"But not before I had acquired some severe training in that sort of +strategy which is incumbent upon women, in the conduct of their lives. +Whatever I might privately think or feel, my office required that I +should only express that which would be more or less grateful to my +hearers. (Is not this the woman's case, in almost every position in +life?) Even orthodoxy must trip it on tiptoe; there was always some +prejudice, some susceptibility to consider. What was frankness in others +was imprudence in me; other men's minds might roam at large; mine was +tethered, if not in its secret movements, at least in its utterance; and +it is a curious and somewhat sinister law of Nature, that perpetual +denial of utterance ends by killing the power or the feeling so held in +durance." + +Hadria coloured. + +"That experience and its effect upon my own nature, which has lasted to +this day," added Theobald, "served to increase my interest in the +fascinating study of character in its relation to environment." + +"Ah!" exclaimed Hadria, "then _you_ don't believe in the independent +power of the human will?" + +"Certainly not. To talk of character overcoming circumstance is to talk +of an effect without a cause. Yet this phrase is a mere commonplace in +our speech. A man no more overcomes his circumstance than oxygen +overcomes nitrogen when it combines with it to form the air we breathe. +If the nitrogen is present, the combination takes place; but if there is +no nitrogen to be had, all the oxygen in the world will not produce our +blessed atmosphere!" + +Joseph Fleming caused a sort of anti-climax by mentioning simply that he +didn't know that any nitrogen was required in the atmosphere. One always +heard about the oxygen. + +Professor Theobald remarked, with a chuckle, that this was one of the +uses of polite conversation; one picked up information by the wayside. +Joseph agreed that it was wonderfully instructive, if the speakers were +intelligent. + +"That helps," said the Professor, tapping Joseph familiarly on the +shoulder. + +"When shall we have our next meeting?" enquired Lady Engleton, when the +moment came for parting. + +"The sooner the better," said Valeria. "English skies have Puritan +moods, and we may as well profit by their present jocund temper. I never +saw a bluer sky in all Italy." + +"I certainly shall not be absent from the next meeting," announced +Theobald, with a glance at Hadria. + +"Nor I," said Lady Engleton. "Such opportunities come none too often." + +"I," Hadria observed, "shall be cook-hunting." + +Professor Theobald's jaw shut with a snap, and he turned and left the +group almost rudely. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + + +Hadria thought that Professor Theobald had not spoken at random, when he +said that the sweetest tribute a woman can receive is that paid to her +personal charm. This unwilling admission was dragged out of her by the +sight of Valeria Du Prel, as the central figure of an admiring group, in +the large drawing-room at Craddock Place. + +She was looking handsome and animated, her white hair drawn proudly off +her brow, and placed as if with intention beside the silken curtains, +whose tint of misty pale green was so becoming to her beauty. + +Valeria was holding her little court, and thoroughly enjoying the +admiration. + +"If we have had to live by our looks for all these centuries, surely the +instinct that Professor Theobald thinks himself so penetrating to have +discovered in clever women, is accounted for simply enough by heredity," +Hadria said to herself, resentfully. + +Professor Theobald was bending over Miss Du Prel with an air of +devotion. Hadria wished that she would not take his compliments so +smilingly. Valeria would not be proof against his flattery. She kindled +with a child's frankness at praise. It stung Hadria to think of her +friend being carelessly classed by the Professor among women whose +weakness he understood and could play upon. He would imagine that he had +discovered the mystery of the sun, because he had observed a spot upon +it, not understanding the nature of the very spot. Granted that a little +salve to one's battered and scarified self-love was soft and grateful, +what did that prove of the woman who welcomed it, beyond a human +craving to keep the inner picture of herself as bright and fine as might +be? The man who, out of contempt or irreverence, set a bait for the +universal appetite proved himself, rather than his intended victim, of +meagre quality. Valeria complimented him generously by supposing him +sincere. + +Occasional bursts of laughter came from her court. Professor Theobald +looked furtively round, as if seeking some one, or watching the effect +of his conduct on Mrs. Temperley. + +Could he be trying to make her jealous of Valeria? + +Hadria gave a sudden little laugh while Lord Engleton--a shy, rather +taciturn man--was shewing her his wife's last picture. Hadria had to +explain the apparent discourtesy as best she could. + +The picture was of English meadows at sunset. + +"They are the meadows you see from your windows," said Lord Engleton. +"That village is Masham, with the spire shewing through the trees. I +daresay you know the view pretty well." + +"I doubt," she answered, with the instinct of extravagance that annoyed +Hubert, "I doubt if I know anything else." + +Lord Engleton brought a portfolio full of sketches for her to see. + +"Lady Engleton has been busy." + +As Hadria laid down the last sketch, her eyes wandered round the +softly-lighted, dimly beautiful room, and suddenly she was seized with a +swift, reasonless, overpowering sense of happiness that she felt to be +atmospheric and parenthetical in character, but all the more keen for +that reason, while it lasted. The second black inexorable semicircle was +ready to enclose the little moment, but its contents had the condensed +character of that which stands within limits, and reminded her, with a +little sting, as of spur to horse, of her sharp, terrible aptitude for +delight and her hunger for it. Why not, why not? What pinched, +ungenerous philosophy was it that insisted on voluntary starvation? One +saw its offspring in the troops of thin white souls that hurry, like +ghosts, down the avenues of Life. + +Again Professor Theobald's stealthy glance was directed towards Mrs. +Temperley. + +"He is as determined to analyse me as if I were a chemical compound," +she said to herself. + +"Perhaps we may as well join the group," suggested Lord Engleton. + +It opened to admit the new comers, disclosing Miss Du Prel, in a gown of +pale amber brocade, enthroned upon a straight-backed antique sofa. The +exquisiteness of the surroundings which Lady Engleton had a peculiar +gift in arranging, the mellow candle-light, the flowers and colours, +seem to have satisfied in Valeria an inborn love of splendour that often +opened hungry and unsatisfied jaws. + +She had never looked so brilliant or so handsome. + +Professor Theobald's face cleared. He explained to Mrs. Temperley that +they had been discussing the complexity of human character, and had come +to the conclusion that it was impossible to really understand even the +simplest man or woman alive. Professor Theobald said that it was a +dispensation of Providence which intended the human race for social +life. Lady Engleton upbraided the author of the cynical utterance. + +"Which of us can dare to face his own basest self?" the culprit +demanded. "If any one is so bold, I fear I must accuse him (or even her) +of lack of self-knowledge rather than give praise for spotlessness." + +"Oh, I don't believe all these dreadful things about my fellows!" cried +Miss Du Prel, flinging up her fine head defiantly; "one is likely to +find in them more or less what one expects. It's the same everywhere. If +you go seeking mole-hills and worms, and put nose to ground on the scent +for carrion, you will find them all, with the range of snow-capped Alps +in full view, and the infinite of blue above your blind head!" + +Hadria, in justice, could not refuse to acknowledge that Professor +Theobald was open-minded. + +"True," he said, "it is dangerous to seek for evil, unless you naturally +love it, and then----" + +"You are past praying for," said Professor Fortescue. + +"Or at least you never pray," added Hadria. + +Both Professors looked at her, each with an expression of enquiry. It +was difficult to understand from exactly what sources of experience or +intuition the singular remark could have sprung. + +The conversation took a slight swerve. + +Professor Theobald contended that all our fond distinctions of vice and +virtue, right and wrong, were mere praise and blame of conditions and +events. + +"We like to fancy the qualities of character inherent, while really they +are laid on by slow degrees, like paint, and we name our acquaintance by +the colour of his last coat." + +This view offended Miss Du Prel. Joseph Fleming and Lord Engleton +rallied round her. Hubert Temperley joined them. Man, the sublime, the +summit of the creation, the end and object of the long and painful +processes of nature; sin-spotted perhaps, weak and stumbling, but still +the masterpiece of the centuries--was this great and mysterious creature +to be thought of irreverently as a mere plain surface for _paint_? Only +consider it! Professor Theobald's head went down between his shoulders +as he laughed. + +"The sublime creature would not look well _un_painted, believe me." + +"He dare not appear in that plight even to himself, if Theobald be right +in what he stated just now," said Professor Fortescue. + +"Life to a character is like varnish to wood," asserted Miss Du Prel; +"it brings out the grain." + +"Ah!" cried Professor Theobald, "Then _you_ insist on varnish, I on +paint." + +"There is a difference." + +"And it affects your respective views throughout," added Professor +Fortescue, "for if the paint theory be correct, then it is true that to +know one's fellows is impossible, you can only know the upper coat; +whereas if the truth lies in varnish, the substance of the nature is +revealed to you frankly, if you have eyes to trace the delicacies of the +markings, which tell the secrets of sap and fibre, of impetus and check: +all the inner marvels of life and growth that go forward in that most +botanic thing, the human soul." + +"Professor Fortescue is eloquent, but he makes one feel distressingly +vegetable," said Temperley. + +"Oh! not unless one has a human soul," Lady Engleton reassured him. + +"Am I to understand that you would deprive me of mine?" he asked, with a +courtly bow. + +"Not at all; souls are private property, or ought to be." + +"I wish one could persuade the majority of that!" cried Professor +Fortescue. + +"Impossible," said Theobald. "The chief interest of man is the condition +of his neighbour's soul." + +"Could he not be induced to look after his own?" Hadria demanded. + +"All fun would be over," said Professor Fortescue. + +"I wish one could have an Act of Parliament, obliging every man to leave +his neighbour's soul in peace." + +"You would sap the very source of human happiness and enterprise," +Professor Fortescue asserted, fantastically. + +"I should be glad if I could think the average human being had the +energy to look after _any_ business; even other people's!" cried Lady +Engleton. + +"I believe that, as a matter of fact, the soul is a hibernating +creature," said Theobald, with a chuckle. + +"It certainly has its drowsy winters," observed Hadria. + +"Ah! but its spring awakenings!" cried Miss Du Prel. + +The chime of a clock startled them with its accusation of lingering too +long. The hostess remonstrated at the breaking up the party. Why should +they hurry away? + +"The time when we could lay claim to have 'hurried' has long since +passed, Lady Engleton," said Hubert, "we can only plead forgiveness by +blaming you for making us too happy." + +Professor Theobald went to the window. "What splendid moonlight! Lady +Engleton, don't you feel tempted to walk with your guests to the end of +the avenue?" + +The idea was eagerly adopted, and the whole party sallied forth together +into the brilliant night. Long black shadows of their forms stalked on +before them, as if, said Valeria, they were messengers from Hades come +to conduct each his victim to the abode of the shades. + +Professor Theobald shuddered. + +"I hate that dreadful chill idea of the Greeks. I have much too strong a +hold on this pleasant earth to relish the notion of that gloomy +under-world yet a while. What do you say, Mrs. Temperley?" + +She made some intentionally trite answer. + +Professor Theobald's quick eyes discovered a glow-worm, and he shouted +to the ladies to come and see the little green lantern of the spring. +The mysterious light was bright enough to irradiate the blades of grass +around it, and even to cast a wizard-like gleam on the strange face of +the Professor as he bent down close to the ground. + +"Fancy being a lamp to oneself!" cried Lady Engleton. + +"It's as much as most of us can do to be a lamp to others," commented +Hadria. + +"Some one has compared the glow-worm's light to Hero's, when she waited, +with trimmed lamp, for her Leander," said Professor Theobald. "Look +here, Mr. Fleming, if you stoop down just here, you will be able to see +the little animal." The Professor resigned his place to him. When Joseph +rose from his somewhat indifferent survey of the insect, Professor +Theobald had established himself at Mrs. Temperley's right hand, and the +rest of the party were left behind. + +"Talking of Greek ideas," said the Professor, "that wonderful people +perceived more clearly than we Christians have ever done, with all our +science, the natural forces of Nature. What we call superstitions were +really great scientific intuitions or prophecies. Of course I should not +dare to speak in this frank fashion to the good people of Craddock Dene, +but to _you_ I need not be on my guard." + +"I appreciate your confidence." + +"Ah, now, Mrs. Temperley, you are unkind. It is of no use for you to try +to persuade me that you are _of_ as well as in the village of Craddock +Dene." + +"I have never set out upon that task." + +"Again I offend!" + +Hadria, dropping the subject, enquired whether the Professor was well +acquainted with this part of the country. + +He knew it by heart. A charming country; warm, luxuriant, picturesque, +the pick of England to his mind. What could beat its woodlands, its +hills, its relics of the old world, its barns and churches and smiling +villages? + +"Then it is not only Tudor mansions that attract you?" Hadria could not +resist asking. + +Tudor mansions? There was no cottage so humble, provided it were +picturesque, that did not charm him. + +"Really!" exclaimed Hadria, with a faintly emphasized surprise. + +"Have I put my luckless foot into it again?" + +"May I not be impressed by magnanimity?" + +The Professor's mouth shut sharply. + +"Mrs. Temperley is pleased to deride me. Craddock Dene must shrivel +under destroying blasts like these." + +"Not so much as one might think." + +The sound of their steps on the broad avenue smote sharply on their +ears. Their absurd-looking shadows stretched always in front of them. "A +splendid night," Hadria observed, to break the silence. + +"Glorious!" returned her companion, as if waking from thought. + +"Spring is our best season here, the time of blossoming." + +"I am horribly tempted to take root in the lovely district, in the hope +of also blossoming. Can you imagine me a sort of patriarchal apple-tree +laden with snowy blooms?" + +"You somewhat burden my imagination." + +"I have had to work hard all my life, until an unexpected legacy from an +admirable distant relation put me at the end of a longer tether. I still +have to work, but less hard. I have always tried not to ossify, keeping +in view a possible serene time to come, when I might put forth blossoms +in this vernal fashion that tempts my middle-aged fancy. And where could +I choose a sweeter spot for these late efforts to be young and green, +than here in this perfect south of England home?" + +"It seems large," said Hadria. + +Professor Theobald grinned. "You don't appear to take a keen interest in +my blossoming." + +Why in heaven's name _should_ she? + +"I cannot naturally expect it," Professor Theobald continued, reading +her silence aright, "but I should be really obliged by your counsel on +this matter. You know the village; you know from your own experience +whether it is a place to live in always. Advise me, I beg." + +"Really, Professor Theobald, it is impossible for me to advise you in a +matter so entirely depending on your own taste and your own affairs." + +"You can at least tell me how you like the district yourself; whether it +satisfies you as to society, easy access of town, influence on the mind +and the spirits, and so forth." + +"We are considered well off as to society. There are a good many +neighbours within a radius of five miles; the trains to town are not all +that could be wished. There are only two in the day worth calling such." + +"And as to its effect upon the general aspect of life; is it rousing, +cheering, inspiring, invigorating?" + +Hadria gave a little laugh. "I must refer you to other inhabitants on +this point. I think Lady Engleton finds it fairly inspiring." + +"Lady Engleton is not Mrs. Temperley." + +"I doubt not that same speech has already done duty as a compliment to +Lady Engleton." + +"You are incorrigible!" + +"I wish you would make it when she is present," said Hadria, "and see us +both bow!" The Professor laughed delightedly. + +"I don't know what social treasures may be buried within your radius of +five miles, but the mines need not be worked. An inhabitant of the +Priory would not need them. Mrs. Temperley is a society in herself." + +"An inhabitant of the Priory might risk disappointment, in supposing +that Mrs. Temperley had nothing else to do than to supply her neighbours +with society." + +The big jaw closed, with a snap. + +"I don't think, on the whole, that I will take the Priory," he said, +after a considerable pause; "it is, as you say, large." + +Mrs. Temperley made no comment. + +"I suppose I should be an unwelcome neighbour," he said, with a sigh. + +"I fear any polite assurance, after such a challenge, would be a poor +compliment. As for entreating you to take the Priory, I really do not +feel equal to the responsibility." + +"I accept in all humility," said the Professor, as he opened the gate of +the Red House, "a deserved reproof." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + + +"A singular character!" said Professor Theobald. + +"There is a lot of good in her," Lady Engleton asserted. + +Lord Engleton observed that people were always speaking ill of Mrs. +Temperley, but he never could see that she was worse than her +neighbours. She was cleverer; that might be her offence. + +Madame Bertaux observed in her short, decisive way that Craddock Dene +might have settled down with Mrs. Temperley peaceably enough, if it +hadn't been for her action about the schoolmistress's child. + +"Yes; that has offended everybody," said Lady Engleton. + +"What action was that?" asked Theobald, turning slowly towards his +hostess. + +"Oh, haven't you heard? That really speaks well for this house. You +can't accuse us of gossip." + +Lady Engleton related the incident. "By the way, you must remember that +poor woman, Professor. Don't you know you were here at the school-feast +that we gave one summer in the park, when all the children came and had +tea and games, and you helped us so amiably to look after them?" + +The Professor remembered the occasion perfectly. + +"And don't you recollect a very pretty, rather timid, fair-haired woman +who brought the children? We all used to admire her. She was a +particularly graceful, refined-looking creature. She had read a great +deal and was quite cultivated. I often used to think she must feel very +solitary at Craddock, with not a soul to sympathize with her tastes. +Mr. and Mrs. Walker used to preach to her, poor soul, reproving her love +of reading, which took her thoughts away from her duties and her +sphere." + +Madame Bertaux snorted significantly. Lady Engleton had remarked a +strange, sad look in Ellen Jervis's eyes, and owned to having done her +best to circumvent the respected pastor and his wife, by lending her +books occasionally, and encouraging her to think her own thoughts, and +get what happiness she could out of her communings with larger spirits +than she was likely to find in Craddock. Of course Mrs. Walker now gave +Lady Engleton to understand that she was partly responsible for the poor +woman's misfortune. She attributed it to Ellen's having had "all sorts +of ideas in her head!" + +"I admit that if _not_ having all sorts of ideas in one's head is a +safeguard, the unimpeachable virtue of a district is amply accounted +for." + +Professor Theobald chuckled. He enquired if Lady Engleton knew Mrs. +Temperley's motive in adopting the child. + +"Oh, partly real kindness; but I think, between ourselves, that Mrs. +Temperley likes to be a little eccentric. Most people have the instinct +to go with the crowd. Hadria Temperley has the opposite fault. She loves +to run counter to it, even when it is pursuing a harmless course." + +Some weeks had now passed since the arrival of the two Professors. The +meetings in the Priory garden had been frequent. They had affected for +the better Professor Theobald's manner. Valeria's laws had curbed the +worst side of him, or prevented it from shewing itself so freely. He +felt the atmosphere of the little society, and acknowledged that it was +"taming the savage beast." As for his intellect it took to blazing, as +if, he said, without false modesty, a torch had been placed in pure +oxygen. + +"My brain takes fire here and flames. I should make a very creditable +beacon if the burning of brains and the burning of faggots were only of +equal value." + +The little feud between him and Mrs. Temperley had been patched up. She +felt that she had been rude to him, on one occasion at any rate, and +desired to make amends. He had become more cautious in his conduct +towards her. + +During this period of the Renaissance, as Hadria afterwards called the +short-lived epoch, little Martha was visited frequently. Her protectress +had expected to have to do battle with hereditary weakness on account of +her mother's sufferings, but the child shewed no signs of this. Either +the common belief that mental trouble in the mother is reflected in the +child, was unfounded, or the evil could be overcome by the simple +beneficence of pure air, good food, and warm clothing. + +Hadria had begun to feel a more personal interest in her charge. She had +taken it under her care of her own choice, without the pressure of any +social law or sentiment, and in these circumstances of freedom, its +helplessness appealed to her protective instincts. She felt the +relationship to be a true one, in contradistinction to the more usual +form of protectorate of woman to child. + +"There is nothing in it that gives offence to one's dignity as a human +being," she asserted, "which is more than can be said of the ordinary +relation, especially if it be legal." + +She was issuing from little Martha's cottage on one splendid morning, +when she saw Professor Theobald coming up the road from Craddock Dene. +He caught sight of Hadria, hesitated, coloured, glanced furtively up the +road, and then, seeing he was observed, came forward, raising his cap. + +"You can't imagine what a charming picture you make; the English cottage +creeper-covered and smiling; the nurse and child at the threshold +equally smiling, yourself a very emblem of spring in your fresh gown, +and a domestic tabby to complete the scene." + +"I wish I could come and see it," said Hadria. She was waving a twig of +lavender, and little Martha was making grabs at it, and laughing her +gurgling laugh of babyish glee. Professor Theobald stood in the road +facing up hill towards Craddock, whose church tower was visible from +here, just peeping through the spring foliage of the vicarage garden. He +only now and again looked round at the picture that he professed to +admire. + +"Do you want to see a really pretty child, Professor Theobald? Because +if so, come here." + +He hesitated, and a wave of dark colour flooded his face up to the roots +of his close-clipped hair. + +He paused a moment, and then bent down to open the little gate. His +stalwart figure, in the diminutive enclosure, reduced it to the +appearance of a doll's garden. + +"Step carefully or you will crush the young _menage_," Hadria advised. +The rosy-cheeked nurse looked with proud expectancy at the face of the +strange gentleman, to note the admiration that he could not but feel. + +His lips were set. + +The Professor evidently knew his duty and proceeded to admire with due +energy. Little Martha shrank away a little from the bearded face, and +her lower lip worked threateningly, but the perilous moment was staved +over by means of the Professor's watch, hastily claimed by Hannah, who +dispensed with ceremony in the emergency. + +Martha's eyes opened wide, and the little hands came out to grasp the +treasure. Hadria stood and laughed at the sight of the gigantic +Professor, helplessly tethered by his own chain to the imperious baby, +in whose fingers the watch was tightly clasped. The child was in high +delight at the loquacious new toy--so superior to foolish fluffy rabbits +that could not tick to save their skins. Martha had no notion of +relinquishing her hold, so they need not tug in that feeble way; if they +pulled too hard, she would yell! + +She evidently meant business, said her captive. So long as they left her +the watch, they might do as they pleased; she was perfectly indifferent +to the accidental human accompaniments of the new treasure, but on that +one point she was firm. She proceeded to stuff the watch into her mouth +as far as it would go. The Professor was dismayed. + +"It's all right," Hadria reassured him. "You have hold of the chain." + +"Did you entice me into this truly ridiculous position in order to laugh +at me?" enquired the prisoner. + +"I would not laugh at you for the world." + +"Really this young person has the most astonishing grip! How long does +her fancy generally remain faithful to a new toy?" + +"Well--I hope you are not pressed for time," said Hadria maliciously. + +The Professor groaned, and struggled in the toils. + +"Come, little one, open the fingers. Oh no, no, we mustn't cry." Martha +kept her features ready for that purpose at a moment's notice, should +any nonsense be attempted. + +The victim looked round miserably. + +"Is there nothing that will set me free from these tender moorings?" + +Hadria shook her head and laughed. "You are chained by the most +inflexible of all chains," she said: "your own compunction." + +"Oh, you little tyrant!" exclaimed the Professor, shaking his fist in +the baby's face, at which she laughed a taunting and triumphant laugh. +Then, once more, the object of dispute went into her mouth. Martha +gurgled with joy. + +"What _am_ I to do?" cried her victim helplessly. + +"Nothing. She has you securely because you fear to hurt her." + +"Little imp! Come now, let me go please. Oh, _please_, Miss Baby--your +Majesty: will nothing soften you? She is beginning early to take +advantage of the chivalry of the stronger sex, and I doubt not she will +know how to pursue her opportunity later on." + +"Oh! is _that_ your parable? Into my head came quite a different +one--_a propos_ of what we were talking of yesterday in Griffin-land." + +"Ah, the eternal feminine!" cried the Professor. "Yes, you were very +brilliant, Mrs. Temperley." + +"You now stand for an excellent type of woman, Professor: strong, but +chained." + +"Oh, thank you! (Infant, I implore!)" + +"The baby ably impersonates Society with all its sentiments and laws, +written and unwritten." + +"Ah!--and my impounded property?" + +"Woman's life and freedom." + +"Ingenious! And the chain? (Oh, inexorable babe, have mercy on the +sufferings of imprisoned vigour!)" + +"Her affections, her pity, her compunction, which forbid her to wrench +away her rightful property, because ignorant and tender hands are +grasping it. The analogy is a little mixed, but no matter." + +"I should enjoy the intellectual treat that is spread before me better, +in happier circumstances, Mrs. Temperley." + +"Apply your remark to your prototype--intelligently," she added. + +"My intelligence is rapidly waning; I am benumbed. I fail to follow the +intricacies of analogy, in this constrained position." + +"Ah, so does she!" + +"Oh, pitiless cherub, my muscles ache with this monotony." + +"And hers," said Hadria. + +"Come, come, life is passing; I have but one; relax these fetters, or I +die." + +Martha frowned and fretted. She even looked shocked, according to +Hadria, who stood by laughing. The baby, she pointed out, failed to +understand how her captive could so far forget himself as to desire to +regain his liberty. + +"She reminds you, sternly, that this is your proper sphere." + +"Perdition!" he exclaimed. + +"As a general rule," she assented. + +The Professor laughed, and said he was tired of being a Type. + +At length a little gentle force had to be used, in spite of furious +resentment on the part of the baby. A more injured and ill-treated +mortal could not have been imagined. She set up a heaven-piercing wail, +evidently overcome with indignation and surprise at the cruel treatment +that she had received. What horrid selfishness to take oneself and one's +property away, when an engaging innocent enjoys grasping it and stuffing +it into its mouth! + +"Don't you feel a guilty monster?" Hadria enquired, as the lament of the +offended infant followed them up the road. + +"I feel as if I were slinking off after a murder!" he exclaimed +ruefully. "I wonder if we oughtn't to go back and try again to soothe +the child." He paused irresolutely. + +Hadria laughed. "You _do_ make a lovely allegory!" she exclaimed. "This +sense of guilt, this disposition to go back--this attitude of +apology--it is speaking, inimitable!" + +"But meanwhile that wretched child is shrieking itself into a fit!" +cried the allegory, with the air of a repentant criminal. + +"Whenever you open your mouth, out falls a symbol," exclaimed Hadria. +"Be calm; Hannah will soon comfort her, and it is truer kindness not to +remind her again of her grievance, poor little soul. But we will go back +if you like (you are indeed a true woman!), and you can say you are +sorry you made so free with your own possessions, and you wish you had +done your duty better, and are eager to return and let Her Majesty hold +you captive. Your prototype always does, you know, and she is nearly +always pardoned, on condition that she never does anything of that kind +again." + +Professor Theobald seemed too much concerned about the child, who was +still wailing, to pay much attention to any other topic. He turned to +retrace his steps. + +"I think you make a mistake," said Hadria. "As soon as she sees you she +will want the watch, and then you will be placed between the awful +alternatives of voluntarily surrendering your freedom, and heartlessly +refusing to present yourself to her as a big plaything. In one respect +you have not yet achieved a thorough fidelity to your model; you don't +seem to enjoy sacrifice for its own sake. That will come with practice." + +"I wish that child would leave off crying." + +Hadria stopped in the road to laugh at the perturbed Professor. + +"She will presently. That is only a cry of anger, not of distress. I +would not leave her, if it were. Yes; your vocation is clearly +allegorical. Feminine to your finger-tips, in this truly feminine +predicament. We are all--_nous autres femmes_--like the hero of the +_White Ship_, who is described by some delightful boy in an examination +paper as being 'melted by the shrieks of a near relation.'" + +The Professor stumbled over a stone in the road, and looked back at it +vindictively. + +"The near relation does so want to hold one's watch and to stuff it into +his mouth, and he shrieks so movingly if one brutally removes one's +property and person!" + +"Alas! I am still a little bewildered by my late captivity. I can't see +the bearings of things." + +"As allegory, you are as perfect as ever." + +"I seem to be a sort of involuntary _Pilgrim's Progress_!" he exclaimed. + +"Ah, indeed!" cried Hadria, "and how the symbolism of that old allegory +would fit this subject!" + +"With me for wretched hero, I suppose!" + +"Your archetype;--with a little adaptation--yes, and wonderfully +little--the Slough of Despond, Doubting Castle, the Valley of the Shadow +of Death--they all fall into place. Ah! the modern _Pilgrim's Progress_ +would read strangely and significantly with woman as the pilgrim! But +the end--that would be a difficulty." + +"One for your sex to solve," said the Professor. + +When they arrived at the cottage the wails were dying away, and Hadria +advised that they should leave well alone. So the baby's victim somewhat +reluctantly retired. + +"After all, you see, if one has strength of purpose, one _can_ achieve +freedom," he observed. + +"At the expense of the affections, it would seem," said Hadria. + +The walk was pursued towards Craddock. Hadria said she had to ask Dodge, +the old gravedigger, if he could give a few days' work in the garden at +the Red House. + +The Professor was walking for walking's sake. + +"She is a pretty child, isn't she?" said Hadria. + +"Very; an attractive mite; but she has a will of her own." + +"Yes; I confess I have a moment of exultation when that child sets up +one of her passionate screams--the thrilling shriek of a near relation!" + +"Really, why?" + +"She has to make her way in the world. She must not be too meek. Her +mother was a victim to the general selfishness and stupidity. She was +too gentle and obedient; too apt to defer to others, to be able to +protect herself. I want her child to be strengthened for the battle by a +good long draught of happiness, and to be armed with that stoutest of +all weapons--perfect health." + +"You are very wise, Mrs. Temperley," murmured the Professor. + +"_Mon Dieu!_ if one had always to judge for others and never for +oneself, what Solons we should all be!" + +"I hear that you have taken the child under your protection. She may +think herself fortunate. It is an act of real charity." + +Hadria winced. "I fear not. I have grown very much attached to Martha +now, poor little soul; but when I decided to adopt her, I was in a state +of red-hot fury." + +"Against whom, may I ask?" + +"Against the child's father," Hadria replied shortly. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + + +"Yes, mum, I see un go up to the churchyard. He's tidyin' up the place a +bit for the weddin'." + +"The wedding?" repeated Hadria vaguely. Mrs. Gullick looked at her as at +one whose claims to complete possession of the faculties there seems sad +reason to doubt. + +"Oh, Miss Jordan's, yes. When is it?" + +"Why, it's this mornin', ma'am!" cried Mrs. Gullick. + +"Dear me, of course. I _thought_ the village looked rather excited." + +People were all standing at their doors, and the children had gathered +at the gate of the church, with hands full of flowers. The wedding party +was, it appeared, to arrive almost immediately. The children set up a +shout as the first carriage was heard coming up the hill. + +The bride appeared to be a popular character in Craddock. "Dear, dear, +she will be missed, she will, she was a real lady, she was; did her duty +too to rich _and_ poor." + +The Professor asked his companion if she remarked that the amiable lady +was spoken of universally in the past tense, as some one who had passed +from the light of day. + +Hadria laughed. "Whenever I am in a cynical mood I come to Craddock and +talk to the villagers." + +Dodge was found resting on a broom-handle, with a flower in his +button-hole. Marion Jordan had supplied him with port wine when he was +"took bad" in the winter. Dodge found it of excellent quality. He +approved of the institution of landed property, and had a genuine regard +for the fair-haired, sweet-voiced girl who used to come in her pony-cart +to distribute her bounty to the villagers. Her class in the +Sunday-school, as he remarked, was always the best behaved. + +The new schoolmistress, a sour and uncompromising looking person, had +issued from her cottage in her Sunday best to see the ceremony. + +"That's where little Martha's mother used to live," said Hadria, "and +that is where she died." + +"Indeed, yes. I think Mr. Walker pointed it out to me." + +"Ah! of course, and then you know the village of old." + +"'Ere they comes!" announced a chorus of children's voices, as the first +carriage drove up. The excitement was breathless. The occupants alighted +and made their way to the church. After that, the carriages came in +fairly quick succession. The bridegroom was criticised freely by the +crowd. They did not think him worthy of his bride. "They du say as it +was a made up thing," Dodge observed, "and that it wasn't _'im_ as she'd +like to go up to the altar with." + +"Well, _I_ don't sort o' take to 'im neither," Mrs. Gullick observed, +sympathizing with the bride's feeling. "I do hope he'll be kind to the +pore young thing; that I do." + +"She wouldn't never give it 'im back; she's that good," another woman +remarked. + +"Who's the gentleman as she had set her heart on?" a romantic young +woman enquired. + +"Oh, it's only wot they say," said Dodge judicially; "it's no use a +listening to all one hears--not by a long way." + +"You 'ad it from Lord Engleton's coachman, didn't you?" prompted Mrs. +Gullick. + +"Which he heard it said by the gardener at Mr. Jordan's, as Miss Marion +was always about with Mr. Fleming." + +The murmur of interest at this announcement was drowned by the sound of +carriage wheels. The bride had come. + +"See the ideal and ethereal being whom you have been so faithfully +impersonating all the afternoon!" exclaimed Hadria. + +A fair, faint, admirably gentle creature, floating in a mist of tulle, +was wafted out of the brougham, the spring sunshine burnishing the pale +hair, and flashing a dazzling sword-like glance on the string of +diamonds at her throat. + +It seemed too emphatic, too keen a greeting for the faint ambiguous +being, about to put the teaching of her girlhood, and her pretty hopes +and faiths, to the test. + +She gave a start and shiver as she stepped out into the brilliant day, +turning with a half-scared look to the crowd of faces. It seemed almost +as if she were seeking help in a blind, bewildered fashion. + +Hadria had an impulse. "What would she think if I were to run down those +steps and drag her away?" Professor Theobald shook his head. + +Within the church, the procession moved up the aisle, to the sound of +the organ. Hadria compared the whole ceremony to some savage rite of +sacrifice: priest and people with the victim, chosen for her fairness, +decked as is meet for victims. + +"But she may be happy," Lady Engleton suggested when the ceremony was +over, and the organ was pealing out the wedding march. + +"That does not prevent the analogy. What a magnificent hideous thing the +marriage-service is! and how exactly it expresses the extraordinary +mixture of the noble and the brutal that is characteristic of our +notions about these things!" + +"The bride is certainly allowed to remain under no misapprehension as to +her function," Lady Engleton admitted, with a laugh that grated on +Hadria. Professor Theobald had fallen behind with Joseph Fleming, who +had turned up among the crowd. + +"But, after all, why mince matters?" + +"Why indeed?" said Hadria. Lady Engleton seemed to have expected +dissent. + +"I think," she said, "that we are getting too squeamish nowadays as to +speech. Women are so frightened to call a spade a spade." + +"It is the _spade_ that is ugly, not the name." + +"But, my dear?" + +"Oh, it is not a question of squeamishness, it is the insult of the +thing. One insult after another, and everyone stands round, looking +respectable." + +Lady Engleton laughed and said something to lead her companion on. + +She liked to listen to Mrs. Temperley when she was thoroughly roused. + +"It is the hideous mixture of the delicately civilized with the brutally +savage that makes one sick. A frankly barbarous ceremony, where there +was no pretence of refinement and propriety and so forth, would be +infinitely less revolting." + +"Which your language is plain," observed Lady Engleton, much amused. + +"I hope so. Didn't you see how it all hurt that poor girl? One of her +training too--suspended in mid air--not an earthward glance. You know +Mrs. Jordan's views on the education of girls. Poor girls. They are +morally skinned, in such a way as to make contact with Fact a veritable +torture, and then suddenly they are sent forth defenceless into Life to +be literally curry-combed." + +"They adjust themselves," said Lady Engleton. + +"Adjust themselves!" Hadria vindictively flicked off the head of a +dandelion with her parasol. "They awake to find they have been living in +a Fool's Paradise--a little upholstered corner with stained glass +windows and rose-coloured light. They find that suddenly they are +expected to place in the centre of their life everything that up to that +moment they have scarcely been allowed even to know about; they find +that they must obediently veer round, with the amiable adaptability of a +well-oiled weather-cock. Every instinct, every prejudice must be thrown +over. All the effects of their training must be instantly overcome. And +all this with perfect subjection and cheerfulness, on pain of moral +avalanches and deluges, and heaven knows what convulsions of +conventional nature!" + +"There certainly is some curious incongruity in our training," Lady +Engleton admitted. + +"Incongruity! Think what it means for a girl to have been taught to +connect the idea of something low and evil with that which nevertheless +is to lie at the foundation of all her after life. That is what it +amounts to, and people complain that women are not logical." + +Lady Engleton laughed. "Fortunately things work better in practice than +might be expected, judging them in the abstract. How bashful Professor +Theobald seems suddenly to have become! Why doesn't he join us, I +wonder? However, so much the better; I do like to hear you talk heresy." + +"I do more than talk it, I _mean_ it," said Hadria. "I fail utterly to +get at the popular point of view." + +"But you misrepresent it--there _are_ modifying facts in the case." + +"I don't see them. Girls are told: 'So and so is not a nice thing for +you to talk about. Wait, however, until the proper signal is given, and +then woe betide you if you don't cheerfully accept it as your bounden +duty.' If _that_ does not enjoin abject slavishness and deliberate +immorality of the most cold-blooded kind, I simply don't know what +does." + +Lady Engleton seemed to ponder somewhat seriously, as she stood looking +down at the grave beside her. + +"How we ever came to have tied ourselves into such an extraordinary +mental knot is what bewilders me," Hadria continued, "and still more, +why it is that we all, by common consent, go on acting and talking as if +the tangled skein ran smooth and straight through one's fingers." + +"Chiefly, perhaps, because women won't speak out," suggested Lady +Engleton. + +"They have been so drilled," cried Hadria, "so gagged, so deafened, by +'the shrieks of near relations.'" + +Lady Engleton was asking for an explanation, when the wedding-bells +began to clang out from the belfry, merry and roughly rejoicing. +"Tom-boy bells," Hadria called them. They seemed to tumble over one +another and pick themselves up again, and give chase, and roll over in a +heap, and then peal firmly out once more, laughing at their romping +digression, joyous and thoughtless and simple-hearted. "Evidently +without the least notion what they are celebrating," said Hadria. + +The bride came out of church on her husband's arm. The children set up a +shout. Hadria and Lady Engleton, and, farther back, Professor Theobald +and Joseph Fleming, could see the two figures pass down to the carriage +and hear the carriage drive away. Hadria drew a long breath. + +"I am afraid she was in love with Joseph Fleming," remarked Lady +Engleton. "I hoped at one time that he cared for her, but that Irish +friend of Marion's, Katie O'Halloran, came on the scene and spoilt my +little romance." + +"I wonder why she married this man? I wonder why the wind blows?" was +added in self-derision at the question. + +The rest of the party were now departing. "O sleek wedding guests," +Hadria apostrophized them, "how solemnly they sat there, like +all-knowing sphinxes, watching, watching, and that child so +helpless--handcuffed, manacled! How many prayers will be offered at the +shrine of the goddess of Duty within the next twelve months!" + +Mrs. Jordan, a British matron of solid proportions, passed down the path +on the arm of a comparatively puny cavalier. The sight seemed to stir up +some demon in Hadria's bosom. Fantastic, derisive were her comments on +that excellent lady's most cherished principles, and on her well-known +and much-vaunted mode of training her large family of daughters. + +"Only the traditional ideas carried out by a woman of narrow mind and +strong will," said Lady Engleton. + +"Oh those traditional ideas! They might have issued fresh and hot from +an asylum for criminal lunatics." + +"You are deliciously absurd, Hadria." + +"It is the criminal lunatics who are absurd," she retorted. "Do you +remember how those poor girls used to bewail the restrictions to their +reading?" + +"Yes, it was really a _reductio ad absurdum_ of our system. The girls +seemed afraid to face anything. They would rather die than think. (I +wonder why Professor Theobald lingers so up there by the chancel? The +time must be getting on.)" + +Hadria glanced towards him and made no comment. She was thinking of Mrs. +Jordan's daughters. + +"What became of their personality all that time I cannot imagine: their +woman's nature that one hears so much about, and from which such +prodigious feats were to be looked for, in the future." + +"Yes, _that_ is where the inconsistency of a girl's education strikes me +most," said Lady Engleton. "If she were intended for the cloister one +could understand it. But since she is brought up for the express purpose +of being married, it does seem a little absurd not to prepare her a +little more for her future life." + +"Exactly," cried Hadria, "if the orthodox are really sincere in +declaring that life to be so sacred and desirable, why on earth don't +they treat it frankly and reverently and teach their girls to understand +and respect it, instead of allowing a furtive, sneaky, detestable spirit +to hover over it?" + +"Yes, I agree with you there," said Lady Engleton. + +"And if they _don't_ really in their hearts think it sacred and so on +(and how they _can_, under our present conditions, I fail to see), why +do they deliberately bring up their girls to be married, as they bring +up their sons to a profession? It is inconceivable, and yet good people +do it, without a suspicion of the real nature of their conduct, which it +wouldn't be polite to describe." + +Mrs. Jordan--her face irradiated with satisfaction--was acknowledging +the plaudits of the villagers, who shouted more or less in proportion +to the eye-filling properties of the departing guests. + +Hadria was seized with a fit of laughter. It was an awkward fact, that +she never could see Mrs. Jordan's majestic form and noble bonnet without +feeling the same overwhelming impulse to laugh. + +"This is disgraceful conduct!" cried Lady Engleton. + +Hadria was clearly in one of her most reckless moods to-day. + +"You have led me on, and must take the consequences!" she cried. +"Imagine," she continued with diabolical deliberation, "if Marion, on +any day _previous_ to this, had gone to her mother and expressed an +overpowering maternal instinct--a deep desire to have a child!" + +"Good heavens!" exclaimed Lady Engleton. + +"Why so shocked, since it is so holy?" + +"But that is different." + +"Ah! then it is holy only when the social edict goes forth, and +proclaims the previous evil good and the previous good evil." + +"Come, come; the inconsistency is not quite so bad as that. (How that +man does dawdle!)" + +Hadria shrugged her shoulders. "It seems to me so; for now suppose, on +the other hand, that this same Marion, on any day _subsequent_ to this, +should go to that same mother, and announce an exactly opposite +feeling--a profound objection to the maternal function--how would she be +received? Heavens, with what pained looks, with what platitudes and +proverbs, with what reproofs and axioms and sentiments! She would issue +forth from that interview like another St. Sebastian, stuck all over +with wounds and arrows. 'Sacred mission,' 'tenderest joy,' 'holiest +mission,' 'highest vocation'--one knows the mellifluous phrases." + +"But after all she would be wrong in her objection. The instinct is a +true one," said Lady Engleton. + +"Oh, then why should she be pelted for expressing it previously, if the +question is not indiscreet?" + +"Well, it would seem rather gruesome, if girls were to be overpowered +with that passion." + +"So we are all to be horribly shocked at the presence of an instinct +to-day, and then equally shocked and indignant at its absence to-morrow; +our sentiment being determined by the performance or otherwise of the +ceremony we have just witnessed. It really shows a touching confidence +in the swift adaptability of the woman's sentimental organization!" + +Lady Engleton gave an uneasy laugh, and seemed lost in uncomfortable +thought. She enjoyed playing with unorthodox speculations, but she +objected to have her customary feelings interfered with, by a reasoning +which she did not see her way to reduce to a condition of uncertainty. +She liked to leave a question delicately balanced, enjoying all the fun +of "advanced" thought without endangering her favourite sentiments. Like +many women of talent, she was intensely maternal, in the instinctive +sense; and for that reason had a vague desire to insist on all other +women being equally so; but the notion of the instinct becoming +importunate in a girl revolted her; a state of mind that struggled to +justify itself without conscious entrenchment behind mere tradition. +Lady Engleton sincerely tried to shake off prejudice. + +"You are in a mixed condition of feeling, I see," Hadria said. "I am not +surprised. Our whole scheme of things indeed is so mixed, that the +wonder only is we are not all in a state of chronic lunacy. I believe, +as a matter of fact, that we _are_; but as we are all lunatics together, +there is no one left to put us into asylums." + +Lady Engleton laughed. + +"The present age is truly a strange one," she exclaimed. + +"Do you think so? It always seems to me that the present age is finding +out for the first time how very strange all the _other_ ages have been." + +"However that may be, it seems to me, that a sort of shiver is going +through all Society, as if it had suddenly become very much aware of +things and couldn't make them out--nor itself." + +"Like a creature beginning to struggle through a bad illness. I do think +it is all extremely remarkable, especially the bad illness." + +"You are as strange as your epoch," cried Lady Engleton. + +"It is a sorry sign when one remarks health instead of disease." + +"Upon my word, you have a wholesome confidence in yourself!" + +"I do not, in that respect, differ from my kind," Hadria returned +calmly. + +"It is that which _was_ that seems to you astonishing, not that which is +to be," Lady Engleton commented, pensively. "For my part I confess I am +frightened, almost terrified at times, at that which is to be." + +"I am frightened, terrified, so that the thought becomes unbearable, at +that which _is_," said Hadria. + +There was a long silence. Lady Engleton appeared to be again plunged in +thought. + +"The maternal instinct--yes; it seems to be round that unacknowledged +centre that the whole storm is raging." + +"A desperate question that Society shrinks from in terror: whether women +shall be expected to conduct themselves as if the instinct had been +weighed out accurately, like weekly stores, and given to all alike, or +whether choice and individual feeling is to be held lawful in this +matter--_there_ is the red-hot heart of the battle." + +"Remember men of science are against freedom in this respect. (I do wish +_our_ man of science would make haste.)" + +"They rush to the rescue when they see the sentimental defences giving +way," said Hadria. "If the 'sacred privilege' and 'noblest vocation' +safeguards won't hold, science must throw up entrenchments." + +"I prefer the more romantic and sentimental presentment of the matter," +said Lady Engleton. + +"Naturally. Ah! it is pathetic, the way we have tried to make things +decorative; but it won't hold out much longer. Women are driving their +masters to plain speaking--the ornaments are being dragged down. And +what do we find? Bare and very ugly fact. And if we venture to hint that +this unsatisfactory skeleton may be modified in form, science becomes +stern. She wishes things, in this department, left as they are. Women +are made for purposes of reproduction; let them clearly understand that. +No picking and choosing." + +"Men pick and choose, it is true," observed Lady Engleton in a musing +tone, as if thinking aloud. + +"Ah, but that's different--a real scientific argument, though a +superficial observer might not credit it. At any rate, it is quite +sufficiently scientific for this particular subject. Our leaders of +thought don't bring out their Sunday-best logic on this question. They +lounge in dressing-gown and slippers. One gets to know the oriental +pattern of that dressing-gown and the worn-down heels of those old +slippers." + +"They may be right though, notwithstanding their logic," said Lady +Engleton. + +"By good luck, not good guidance. I wonder what her Serene Highness +Science would say if she heard us?" + +"That we two ignorant creatures are very presumptuous." + +"Yes, people always fall back on that, when they can't refute you." + +Lady Engleton smiled. + +"I should like to hear the question discussed by really competent +persons. (Well, if luncheon is dead cold it will be his own fault.)" + +"Oh, really competent persons will tell us all about the possibilities +of woman: her feelings, desires, capabilities, and limitations, now and +for all time to come. And the wildly funny thing is that women are +ready, with open mouths, to reverently swallow this male verdict on +their inherent nature, as if it were gospel divinely inspired. I may +appear a little inconsistent," Hadria added with a laugh, "but I do +think women are fools!" + +They had strolled on along the path till they came to the +schoolmistress's grave, which was green and daisy-covered, as if many +years had passed since her burial. Hadria stood, for a moment, looking +down at it. + +"Fools, fools, unutterable, irredeemable fools!" she burst out. + +"My dear, my dear, we are in a churchyard," remonstrated Lady Engleton, +half laughing. + +"We are at this grave," said Hadria. + +"The poor woman would have been among the first to approve of the whole +scheme, though it places her here beneath the daisies." + +"Exactly. Am I not justified then in crying 'fool'? Don't imagine that I +exclude myself," she added. + +"I think you might be less liable to error if you _were_ rather more of +a fool, if I may say so," observed Lady Engleton. + +"Oh error! I daresay. One can guard against that, after a fashion, by +never making a stretch after truth. And the reward comes, of its kind. +How green the grave is. The grass grows so fast on graves." + +Lady Engleton could not bear a churchyard. It made one think too +seriously. + +"Oh, you needn't unless you like!" said Hadria with a laugh. "Indeed a +churchyard might rather teach us what nonsense it is to take things +seriously--our little affairs. This poor woman, a short while ago, was +dying of grief and shame and agony, and the village was stirred with +excitement, as if the solar system had come to grief. It all seemed so +stupendous and important, yet now--look at that tall grass waving in the +wind!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + + +Professor Theobald had been engaged, for the last ten minutes, in +instructing Joseph Fleming and a few stragglers, among whom was Dodge, +in the characteristics of ancient architecture. He was pointing out the +fine Norman window of the south transept, Joseph nodding wearily, Dodge +leaning judicially on his broom and listening with attention. Joseph, as +Lady Engleton remarked, was evidently bearing the Normans a bitter +grudge for making interesting arches. The Professor seemed to have no +notion of tempering the wind of his instruction to the shorn lambs of +his audience. + +"I _can't_ understand why he does not join us," said Lady Engleton. "It +must be nearly luncheon time. However, it doesn't much matter, as +everyone seems to be up here. I wonder," she went on after a pause, +"what the bride would think if she had heard our conversation this +morning!" + +"Probably she would recognize many a half-thought of her own," said +Hadria. + +Lady Engleton shook her head. + +"They alarm me, all these ideas. For myself, I feel bound to accept the +decision of wise and good men, who have studied social questions +deeply." + +Personal feeling had finally overcome her desire to fight off the +influence of tradition. + +"I do not feel competent to judge in a matter so complex, and must be +content to abide by the opinions of those who have knowledge and +experience." + +Lady Engleton thus retreated hastily behind cover. That was a strategic +movement always available in difficulties, and it left one's companion +in speculation alone in the open, arrogantly sustaining an eagle-gaze in +the sun's face. The advantages of feminine humility were obvious. One +could come out for a skirmish and then run for shelter, in awkward +moments. No woman ought to venture out on the bare plain without a +provision of the kind. + +Hadria had a curious sensation of being so exposed, when Lady Engleton +retreated behind her "good and wise men," and she had the usual feminine +sense of discomfort in the feeling of presumption that it produced. +Heredity asserted itself, as it will do, in the midst of the fray, just +when its victim seems to have shaken himself free from the mysterious +obsession. But Hadria did not visibly flinch. Lady Engleton received the +impression that Mrs. Temperley was too sure of her own judgment to defer +even to the wisest. + +She experienced a pleasant little glow of humility, wrapping herself in +it, as in a protecting garment, and unconsciously comparing her more +moderate and modest attitude favourably with her companion's +self-confidence. Just at that moment, Hadria's self-confidence was +gasping for breath. But her sense of the comic in her companion's +tactics survived, and set her off in an apparently inconsequent laugh, +which goaded Lady Engleton into retreating further, to an encampment of +pure orthodoxy. + +"I fear there is an element of the morbid, in all this fretful revolt +against the old-established destiny of our sex," she said. + +The advance-guard of Professor Theobald's party was coming up. The +Professor himself still hung back, playing the Ancient Mariner to Joseph +Fleming's Wedding Guest. Most unwilling was that guest, most +pertinacious that mariner. + +Hadria had turned to speak to Dodge, who had approached, broom in hand. +"Seems only yesterday as we was a diggin' o' that there grave, don't it, +mum?" he remarked pleasantly, including Hadria in the credit of the +affair, with native generosity. + +"It does indeed, Dodge. I see you have been tidying it up and +clearing away the moss from the name. I can read it now. _Ellen +Jervis.--Requiescat in pace._" + +"We was a wonderin' wot that meant, me and my missus." + +Hadria explained. + +"Oh indeed, mum. She didn't die in peace, whatever she be a doin' now, +not _she_ didn't, pore thing. I was jest a tellin' the gentleman" (Dodge +indicated Professor Theobald with a backward movement of the thumb), +"about the schoolmarm. He was talkin' like a sermon--beautiful--about +the times wen the church was built; and about them as come over from +France and beat the English--shameful thing for our soldiers, 'pears to +me, not as I believes all them tales. Mr. Walker says as learnin' is a +pitfall, wich I don't swaller everything as Mr. Walker says neither. +Seems to me as it don't do to be always believin' wot's told yer, or +there's no sayin' wot sort o' things you wouldn't come to find inside o' +yer, before you'd done." + +Hadria admitted the danger of indiscriminate absorption, but pointed out +that if caution were carried too far, one might end by finding nothing +inside of one at all, which also threatened to be attended with +inconvenience. + +Dodge seemed to feel that the _desagrements_ in this last case were +trivial as compared with those of the former. + +"Dodge is a born sceptic," said Lady Engleton. "What would you say, +Dodge, if some tiresome, reasonable person were to come and point out +something to you that you couldn't honestly deny, and yet that seemed to +upset all the ideas that you had felt were truest and best?" + +Dodge scratched his head. "I should say as what he said wasn't true," +replied Dodge. + +"But if you couldn't help seeing that it was true?" + +"That ud be arkard," Dodge admitted. + +"Then what would you do?" + +Dodge leant upon the broom-handle, apparently in profound thought. His +words were waited for. + +"I think," he announced at last, "as I shouldn't do nothin' partic'lar." + +"Dodge, you really are an oracle!" Hadria exclaimed. "What could more +simply describe the action of our Great Majority?" + +"You are positively impish in your mood to-day!" exclaimed Lady +Engleton. "What should we do without our Great Majority, as you call +it? It is absolutely necessary to put some curb on the wild impulses of +pure reason"--a sentiment that Hadria greeted with chuckles of derision. + +Joseph Fleming was looking longingly towards the grave, but his face was +resigned, for the Ancient Mariner had him button-holed securely. + +"What _are_ they lingering for so long, I wonder?" cried Lady Engleton +impatiently. "Professor Theobald is really too instructive to-day. I +will go and hurry him." + +Joseph welcomed her as his deliverer. + +"I was merely waiting for you two ladies to move; I would have come on +with Mr. Fleming. I am extremely sorry," said the Professor. + +He followed Lady Engleton down the path between the graves, with +something of the same set expression that had been on his face when he +came up the path of the cottage garden to admire the baby. + +"It appears that we were all waiting for each other," said Lady +Engleton. + +"This 'ere's the young woman's grave, sir--Ellen Jervis--'er as I was a +tellin' you of," said Dodge, pointing an earth-stained finger at the +mound. + +"Oh, yes; very nice," said the Professor vaguely. Hadria's laugh +disconcerted him. "I mean--pretty spot--well chosen--well made." + +Hadria continued to laugh. "I never heard less skilled comment on a +grave!" she exclaimed. "It might be a pagoda!" + +"It's not so easy as you seem to imagine to find distinctive epithets. I +challenge you. Begin with the pagoda." + +"One of the first canons of criticism is never to attempt the feat +yourself; jeer rather at others." + +"The children don't like the new schoolmarm near so well as this 'un," +observed Dodge, touching the grave with his broom. "Lord, it was an +unfort'nate thing, for there wasn't a better girl nor she were in all +Craddock (as I was a tellin' of you, sir), not when she fust come as +pupil teacher. It was all along of her havin' no friends, and her mother +far away. She used to say to me at times of an afternoon wen she was a +passin' through the churchyard--'Dodge,' says she, 'do you know I have +no one to care for, or to care for me, in all the world?' I used to +comfort her like, and say as there was plenty in Craddock as cared for +her, but she always shook her head, sort o' sad." + +"Poor thing!" Lady Engleton exclaimed. + +"And one mornin' a good time after, I found her a cryin' bitter, just +there by her own grave, much about where the gentleman 'as his foot at +this moment" (the Professor quickly withdrew it). "It was in the dusk o' +the evenin', and she was a settin' on the rail of old Squire Jordan's +grave, jes' where you are now, sir. We were sort o' friendly, and wen I +heard 'er a taking on so bad, I jes' went and stood alongside, and I +sez, 'Wy Ellen Jervis,' I sez, 'wot be you a cryin' for?' But she kep' +on sobbin' and wouldn't answer nothin'. So I waited, and jes' went on +with my work a bit, and then I sez again, 'Ellen Jervis, wot be you a +cryin' for?' And then she took her hands from her face and she sez, +'Because I am that miserable,' sez she, and she broke out cryin' wuss +than ever. 'Dear, dear,' I sez, 'wot is it? Can't somebody do nothin' +for you?' + +"'No; nobody in the world can help me, and nobody wants to; it would be +better if I was under there.' And she points to the ground just where +she lies now--I give you my word she did--and sure enough, before +another six months had gone by, there she lay under the sod, 'xacly on +the spot as she had pointed to. She was a sinner, there's no denyin', +but she 'ad to suffer for it more nor most." + +"Very sad," observed Professor Theobald nervously, with a glance at +Hadria, as if expecting derision. + +"It is a hard case," said Lady Engleton, "but I suppose error _has_ to +be paid for." + +"Well, I don't know 'xacly," said Dodge, "it depends." + +"On the sex," said Hadria. + +"I have known them as spent all their lives a' injurin' of others, and +no harm seemed to come to 'em. And I've seed them as wouldn't touch a +fly and always doin' their neighbours a kind turn, wot never 'ad a day's +luck." + +"Let us hope it will be made up in the next world," said Lady Engleton. +Dodge hoped it would, but there was something in the turn of his head +that seemed to denote a disposition to base his calculations on this, +rather than on the other world. He was expected home by his wife, at +this hour, so wishing the company good day, and pocketing the +Professor's gratuity with a gleam of satisfaction in his shrewd and +honest face, he trudged off with his broom down the path, and out by the +wicket-gate into the village street. + +"I never heard that part of the story before," said Lady Engleton, when +the gravedigger had left. + +It was new to everybody. "It brings her nearer, makes one realize her +suffering more painfully." + +Hadria was silent. + +Professor Theobald cast a quick, scrutinizing glance at her. + +"I can understand better now how you were induced to take the poor +child, Mrs. Temperley," Lady Engleton remarked. + +They were strolling down the path, and Professor Theobald was holding +open the gate for his companions to pass through. His hand seemed to +shake slightly. + +"I don't enjoy probing my motives on that subject," said Hadria. + +"Why? I am sure they were good." + +"I can't help hoping that that child may live to avenge her mother; to +make some man know what it is to be horribly miserable--but, oh, I +suppose it's like trying to reach the feelings of a rhinoceros!" + +"There you are much mistaken, Mrs. Temperley," said the Professor. "Men +are as sensitive, in some respects, as women." + +"So much the better." + +"Then do you think it quite just to punish one man for the sin of +another?" + +"No; but there is a deadly feud between the sexes: it is a hereditary +vendetta: the duty of vengeance is passed on from generation to +generation." + +"Oh, Mrs. Temperley!" Lady Engleton's tone was one of reproach. + +"Yes, it is vindictive, I know; one does not grow tender towards the +enemy at the grave of Ellen Jervis." + +"At least, there were _two_ sinners, not only one." + +"Only one dies of a broken heart." + +"But why attempt revenge?" + +"Oh, a primitive instinct. And anything is better than this meek +endurance, this persistent heaping of penalties on the scapegoat." + +"No good ever came of mere revenge, however," said Professor Theobald. + +"Sometimes that is the only form of remonstrance that is listened to," +said Hadria. "When people have the law in their own hands and Society at +their back, they can afford to be deaf to mere verbal protest." + +"As for the child," said Lady Engleton, "she will be in no little danger +of a fate like her mother's." + +Hadria's face darkened. + +"At least then, she shall have some free and happy hours first; at least +she shall not be driven to it by the misery of moral starvation, +starvation of the affections. She shall be protected from the solemn +fools--with sawdust for brains and a mechanical squeaker for heart--who, +on principle, cut off from her mother all joy and all savour in life, +and then punished her for falling a victim to the starved emotional +condition to which they had reduced her." + +"The matter seems complex," said Lady Engleton, "and I don't see how +revenge comes in." + +"It is a passion that has never been eradicated. Oh, if I could but find +that man!" + +"A man is a hard thing to punish,--unless he is in love with one." + +"Well, let him be in love!" cried Hadria fiercely. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + + +The sound of music stole over the gardens of the Priory, at sunset. It +was the close of one of the most exquisite days of Spring. A calm had +settled over the country with the passing away of the sun-god. His +attendant winds and voices had been sacrificed on his funeral pyre. + +Two figures sat on the terrace by the open window of the drawing-room, +listening to the utterance, in music, of a tumultuous, insurgent spirit. +In Professor Fortescue, the musical passion was deeply rooted, as it is +in most profoundly sympathetic and tender natures. Algitha anxiously +watched the effect of her sister's playing on her companion. + +The wild power of the composer was not merely obvious, it was +overwhelming. It was like "a sudden storm among mountains," "the +wind-swept heavens at midnight," "the lonely sea": he struggled for the +exactly-fitting simile. There was none, because of its many-sidedness. +Loneliness remained as an ever-abiding quality. There were moon-glimpses +and sun-bursts over the scenery of the music; there was sweetness, and a +vernal touch that thrilled the listeners as with the breath of flowers +and the fragrance of earth after rain, but always, behind all fancy and +grace and tenderness, and even passion, lurked that spectral loneliness. +The performer would cease for some minutes, and presently begin again in +a new mood. The music was always characteristic, often wild and strange, +yet essentially sane. + +"There is a strong Celtic element in it," said the Professor. "This is a +very wonderful gift. I suppose one never does really know one's fellows: +her music to-night reveals to me new sides of Hadria's character." + +"I confess they alarm me," said Algitha. + +"Truly, this is not the sort of power that can be safely shut up and +stifled. It is the sort of power for which everything ought to be set +aside. That is my impression of it." + +"I am worried about Hadria," Algitha said. "I know her better than most +people, and I know how hard she takes things and what explosive force +that musical instinct of hers has. Yet, it is impossible, as things are, +for her to give it real utterance. She can only open the furnace door +now and then." + +The Professor shook his head gravely. "It won't do: it isn't safe. And +why should such a gift be lost?" + +"That's what I say! Yet what is to be done? There is no one really to +blame. As for Hubert, I am sorry for him. He had not the faintest idea +of Hadria's character, though she did her best to enlighten him. It is +hard for him (since he feels it so) and it is desperate for her. You are +such an old friend, that I feel I may speak to you about it. You see +what is going on, and I know it is troubling you as it does me." + +"It is indeed. If I am not very greatly mistaken, here is real musical +genius of the first order, going to waste: strong forces being turned in +upon the nature, to its own destruction; and, as you say, it seems as if +nothing could be done. It is the more ironically cruel, since Hubert is +himself musical." + +"Oh, yes, but in quite a different way. His fetish is good taste, or +what he thinks such. Hadria's compositions set his teeth on edge. His +nature is conventional through and through. He fears adverse comment +more than any earthly thing. And yet the individual opinions that +compose the general 'talk' that he so dreads, are nothing to him. He +despises them heartily. But he would give his soul (and particularly +Hadria's) rather than incur a whisper from people collectively." + +"That is a very common trait. If we feared only the opinions that we +respect, our fear would cover but a small area." + +The music stole out again through the window. The thoughts of the +listeners were busy. It was not until quite lately that Professor +Fortescue had fully realised the nature of Hadria's present +surroundings. It had taken all his acuteness and his sympathy to enable +him to perceive the number and strength of the little threads that +hampered her spontaneity. As she said, they were made of heart-strings. +A vast spider's web seemed to spread its tender cordage round each +household, for the crippling of every winged creature within its radius. +Fragments of torn wings attested the struggles that had taken place +among the treacherous gossamer. + +"And the maddening thing is," cried Algitha, "that there is nobody to +swear at. Swearing at systems and ideas, as Hadria says, is a Barmecide +feast to one's vindictiveness." + +"It is the tyranny of affection that has done so much to ruin the lives +of women," the Professor observed, in a musing tone. + +Then after a pause: "I fear your poor mother has never got over _your_ +little revolt, Algitha." + +"Never, I am sorry to say. If I had married and settled in Hongkong, she +would scarcely have minded, but as it is, she feels deserted. Of course +the boys are away from home more than I am, yet she is not grieved at +that. You see how vast these claims are. Nothing less than one's entire +life and personality will suffice." + +"Your mother feels that you are throwing your life away, remember. But +truly it seems, sometimes, as if people were determined to turn +affection into a curse instead of a blessing!" + +"I never think of it in any other light," Algitha announced serenely. + +The Professor laughed. "Oh, there are exceptions, I hope," he said. +"Love, like everything else that is great, is very, very rare. We call +the disposition to usurp and absorb another person by that name, but woe +betide him or her who is the object of such a sentiment. Yet happily, +the real thing _is_ to be found now and again. And from that arises +freedom." + +Hadria was playing some joyous impromptu, which seemed to express the +very spirit of Freedom herself. + +"I think Hadria has something of the gipsy in her," said Algitha. "She +is so utterly and hopelessly unfitted to be the wife of a prim, +measured, elegant creature like Hubert--good fellow though he is--and to +settle down for life at Craddock Dene." + +"Yes," returned the Professor, "it has occurred to me, more than once, +that there must be a drop of nomad blood somewhere among the ancestry." + +"Hadria always says herself, that she is a vagabond in disguise." + +He laughed. Then, as he drew out a tobacco-pouch from his pocket and +proceeded to light his pipe, he went on, in quiet meditative fashion, as +if thinking aloud: "The fact of the matter is, that in this world, the +dead weight of the mass bears heavily upon the exceptional natures. It +comes home to one vividly, in cases like this. The stupidity and +blindness of each individual goes to build up the dead wall, the +impassable obstacle, for some other spirit. The burden that we have cast +upon the world has to be borne by our fellow man or woman, and perhaps +is doomed to crush a human soul." + +"It seems to me that most people are engaged in that crushing industry," +said Algitha with a shrug. "Don't I know their bonnets, and their +frock-coats and their sneers!" + +The Professor smiled. He thought that most of us were apt to take that +attitude at times. The same spirit assumed different forms. "While we +are sneering at our fellow mortal, and assuring him loftily that he can +certainly prevail, if only he is strong enough, it may be _our_ +particular dulness or _our_ hardness that is dragging him down to a +tragic failure, before our eyes." + +The sun was low when the player came out to the terrace and took her +favourite seat on the parapet. The gardens were steeped in profound +peace. One could hear no sound for miles round. The broad country made +itself closely felt by its stirring silence. The stretches of fields +beyond fields, the woodlands in their tender green, the long, long sweep +of the quiet land, formed a benign circle round the garden, and led the +sense of peace out and out to the horizon, where the liquid light of the +sky touched the hills. + +The face of the Professor had a transparent look and a singular beauty +of expression, such as is seen on the faces of the dead, or on the faces +of those who are carried beyond themselves by some generous enthusiasm. + +They watched, in silence, the changes creeping over the heavens, the +subtle transmutations of tint; the fairylands of cloud, growing like +dreams, and melting in golden annihilation; the more delicate and +exquisite, the sooner the end. + +The first pale hints of splendour had spread, till the whole West was +throbbing with the radiance. But it was short-lived. The soul of the +light, with its vital vibrating quality, seemed to die, and then slowly +the glow faded, till every sparkle was gone, and the amphitheatre of the +sky lay cold, and dusk, and empty. It was not till the last gleam had +melted away that a word was spoken. + +"It is like a prophecy," said Hadria. + +"To-morrow the dawn, remember." + +Hadria's thoughts ran on in the silence. + +The dawn? Yes; but all that lost splendour, those winged islands, those +wild ranges of mountain where the dreams dwell; to-morrow's dawn brings +no resurrection for them. Other pageants there will be, other +cloud-castles, but never again just those. + +Had the Professor been following her thoughts? + +"Life," he said, "offers her gifts as the Sibyl her books; they grow +fewer as we refuse them." + +"Ah! that is the truth that clamours in my brain, warning and pointing +to an empty temple, like the deserted sky, a little while ahead." + +"Be warned then." + +"Ah! but what to do? I am out of myself now with the spring; there are +so many benign influences. I too have winged islands, and wild ranges +where the dreams dwell; life is a fairy-tale; but there is always that +terror of the departure of the sun." + +"_Carpe diem._" + +Hadria turned a startled and eager face towards the Professor, who was +leaning back in his chair, thoughtfully smoking. The smoke curled away +serenely through the calm air of the evening. + +"You have a great gift," he said. + +"One is afraid of taking a thing too seriously because it is one's own." + +The Professor turned almost angrily. + +"Good heavens, what does it matter whose it is? There may be a sort of +inverted vanity in refusing fair play to a power, on that ground. Alas! +here is one of the first morbid signs of the evil at work upon you. If +you had been wholesomely moving and striving in the right direction, do +you think you would have been guilty of that piece of egotism?" + +"Vanity pursues one into hidden corners of the mind. I am so used to +that sort of spirit among women. Apparently I have caught the +infection." + +"I would not let it go farther," advised the Professor. + +"To do myself justice, I think it is superficial," said Hadria with a +laugh. "I would dare anything, _any_thing for a chance of freedom, +for----," she broke off, hesitating. "I remember once--years ago, when I +was quite a girl--seeing a young ash-tree that had got jammed into a +chink so that it couldn't grow straight, or spread, as its inner soul, +poor stripling, evidently inspired it to grow. Outside, there were +hundreds of upright, vigorous, healthful young trees, fulfilling that +innate idea in apparent gladness, and with obvious general advantage, +since they were growing into sound, valuable trees, straight of trunk, +nobly developed. I felt like the poor sapling in the cranny, that had +just the same natural impetus of healthy growth as all the others, but +was forced to become twisted, and crooked, and stunted and wretched. I +think most women have to grow in a cranny. It is generally known as +their Sphere." Algitha gave an approving chuckle. "I noticed," Hadria +added, "that the desperate struggle to grow of that young tree had begun +to loosen the masonry of the edifice that cramped it. There was a great +dangerous-looking crack right across the building. The tree was not +saved from deformity, _but_ it had its revenge! Some day that noble +institution would come down by the run." + +"Yes. Well, the thing to do is to get out of it," said the Professor. + +"You really advise that?" + +"Advise? One dare not advise. It is too perilous. No general theories +will hold in all instances." + +"Tell me," said Hadria, "what are the qualities in a human being that +make him most serviceable, or least harmful?" + +"What qualities?" Professor Fortescue watched the smoke of his pipe +curling away, as if he expected to find the answer in its coils. He +answered slowly, and with an air of reflection. + +"Mental integrity, and mercy. A resolute following of reason (in which I +should include insight) to its conclusion, though the heavens fall, and +an unfailing fellow-feeling for the pain and struggle and heart-ache and +sin that life is so full of. But one must add the quality of +imagination. Without imagination and its fruits, the world would be a +howling wilderness." + +"I wish you would come down with me, some day, to the East End and hold +out the hand of fellowship to some of the sufferers there," cried +Algitha. "I am, at times, almost in despair at the mass of evil to be +fought against, but somehow you always make me feel, Professor, that the +race has all the qualities necessary for redemption enfolded within +itself." + +"But assuredly it has!" cried the Professor. "And assuredly those +redeeming qualities will germinate. Otherwise the race would extinguish +itself in cruelty and corruption. Let people talk as they please about +the struggle for existence, it is through the development of the human +mind and the widening of human mercy that better things will come." + +"One sees, now and then, in a flash, what the world may some day be," +said Hadria. "The vision comes, perhaps, with the splendour of a spring +morning, or opens, scroll-like, in a flood of noble music. It sounds +unreal, yet it brings a sense of conviction that is irresistible." + +"I think it was Pythagoras who declared that the woes of men are the +work of their own hands," said the Professor. "So are their joys. +Nothing ever shakes my belief that what the mind of man can imagine, +that it can achieve." + +"But there are so many pulling the wrong way," said Algitha sadly. + +"Ah, one man may be miserable through the deeds of others; the race can +only be miserable through its own." + +After a pause, Algitha put a question: How far was it justifiable to +give pain to others in following one's own idea of right and reasonable? +How far might one attempt to live a life of intellectual integrity and +of the widest mercy that one's nature would stretch to? + +Professor Fortescue saw no limits but those of one's own courage and +ability. Algitha pointed out that in most lives the limit occurred much +sooner. If "others"--those tyrannical and absorbent "others"--had +intricately bound up their notions of happiness with the prevention of +any such endeavour, and if those notions were of the usual negative, +home-comfort-and-affection order, narrowly personal, fruitful in nothing +except a sort of sentimental egotism that spread over a whole +family--what Hadria called an _egotism a douze_--how far ought these +ideas to be respected, and at what cost? + +Professor Fortescue was unqualified in his condemnation of the sentiment +which erected sacrificial altars in the family circle. He spoke +scornfully of the doctrine of renunciation, so applied, and held the +victims who brought their gifts of power and liberty more culpable than +those who demanded them, since the duty of resistance to recognised +wrong was obvious, while great enlightenment was needed to teach one to +forego an unfair privilege or power that all the world concurred in +pressing upon one. + +"Then you think a person--even a feminine person--justified in giving +pain by resisting unjust demands?" + +"I certainly think that all attempts to usurp another person's life on +the plea of affection should be stoutly resisted. But I recognise that +cases must often occur when resistance is practically impossible." + +"One ought not to be too easily melted by the 'shrieks of a near +relation,'" said Hadria. "Ah, I have a good mind to try. I don't fear +any risk for myself, nor any work; the stake is worth it. I don't want +to grow cramped and crooked, like my poor ash-tree. Perhaps this may be +a form of vanity too; I don't know, I was going to say I don't care." + +The scent of young leaves and of flowers came up, soft and rich from the +garden, and as Hadria leant over the parapet, a gust of passionate +conviction of power swept over her; not merely of her own personal +power, but of some vast, flooding, beneficent well-spring from which her +own was fed. And with the inrush, came a glimpse as of heaven itself. + +"I wonder," she said after a long silence, "why it is that when we +_know_ for dead certain, we call it faith." + +"Because, I suppose, our certainty is certainty only for ourselves. If +you have found some such conviction to guide you in this wild world, you +are very fortunate. We need all our courage and our strength----" + +"And just a little more," Hadria added. + +"Yes; sometimes just a little more, to save us from its worst pitfalls." + +It struck both Hadria and her sister that the Professor was looking very +ill and worn this evening. + +"You are always giving help and sympathy to others, and you never get +any yourself!" Hadria exclaimed. + +But the Professor laughed, and asserted that he was being spoilt at +Craddock Dene. They had risen, and were strolling down the yew avenue. A +little star had twinkled out. + +"I am very glad to have Professor Fortescue's opinion of your +composition, Hadria. I was talking to him about you, and he quite agrees +with me." + +"What? that I ought to----?" + +"That you ought not to go on as you are going on at present." + +"But that is so vague." + +"I suppose you have long ago tried all the devices of self-discipline?" +said the Professor. "There are ways, of course, of arming oneself +against minor difficulties, of living within a sort of citadel. +Naturally much force has to go in keeping up the defences, but it is +better than having none to keep up." + +Hadria gave a quiet smile. "There is not a method, mental or other, that +I have not tried, and tried hard. If it had not been for the sternest +self-discipline, my mind at this moment, would be so honeycombed with +small pre-occupations (pleasant and otherwise), that it would be +incapable of consecutive ideas of any kind. As it is, I feel a miserable +number of holes here"--she touched her brow--"a loss of absorbing power, +at times, and a mental slackness that is really alarming. What remains +of me has been dragged ashore as from a wreck, amidst a rush of wind and +wave. But just now, thanks greatly to your sympathy and Algitha's, I +seem restored to myself. I can never describe the rapture of that +sensation to one who has never felt himself sinking down and down into +darkness, to a dim hell, where the doom is a slow decay instead of the +fiery pains of burning." + +"This is all wrong, wrong!" cried the Professor anxiously. + +"Ah! but I feel now, such certainty, such courage. It seems as if Fate +were giving me one more chance. I have often run very close to making a +definite decision--to dare everything rather than await this fool's +disaster. But then comes that everlasting feminine humility, sneaking up +with its simper: 'Is not this presumptuous, selfish, mistaken, wrong? +What business have _you_, one out of so many, to break roughly through +the delicate web that has been spun for your kindly detention?' Of +course my retort is: 'What business have they to spin the web?' But one +can never get up a real sense of injured innocence. It is always the +spiders who seem injured and innocent. However, this time I am going to +try, though the heavens fall!" + +A figure appeared, in the dusk, at the further end of the avenue. It +proved to be Miss Du Prel, who had come to find Hadria. Henriette had +arrived unexpectedly by the late afternoon train, and Valeria had +volunteered to announce her arrival to her sister-in-law. + +"Ah!" exclaimed Hadria, "heaven helps him who helps himself! This will +fit in neatly with my plans." + + + + +CHAPTER XXX. + + +Valeria Du Prel, finding that Miss Temperley proposed a visit of some +length, returned to town by the early morning train. + +"Valeria, do you know anyone in Paris to whom you could give me a letter +of introduction?" Hadria asked, at the last moment, when there was just +time to write the letter, and no more. + +"Are you going to Paris?" Valeria asked, startled. + +"Please write the letter and I will tell you some day what I want it +for." + +"Nothing very mad, I hope?" + +"No, only a little--judiciously mad." + +"Well, there is Madame Bertaux, in the Avenue Kleber, but her you know +already. Let me see. Oh yes, Madame Vauchelet, a charming woman; very +kind and very fond of young people. She is about sixty; a widow; her +husband was in the diplomatic service." + +Valeria made these hurried comments while writing the letter. + +"She is musical too, and will introduce you, perhaps, to the great +Joubert, and others of that set. You will like her, I am sure. She is +one of the truly good people of this world. If you really are going to +Paris, I shall feel happier if I know that Madame Vauchelet is your +friend." + +Sophia's successor announced that the pony-cart was at the door. + +Miss Du Prel looked rather anxiously at Hadria and her sister-in-law, as +they stood on the steps to bid her good-bye. There was a look of elation +mixed with devilry, in Hadria's face. The two figures turned and +entered the house together, as the pony-cart passed through the gate. + +Hadria always gave Miss Temperley much opportunity for the employment of +tact, finding this tact more elucidating than otherwise to the designs +that it was intended to conceal; it affected them in the manner of a +magnifying-glass. About a couple of years ago, the death of her mother +had thrown Henriette on her own resources, and set free a large amount +of energy that craved a legitimate outlet. The family with whom she was +now living in London, not being related to her, offered but limited +opportunities. + +Henriette's eye was fixed, with increasing fondness, upon the Red House. +_There_ lay the callow brood marked out by Nature and man, for her +ministrations. With infinite adroitness, Miss Temperley questioned her +sister-in-law, by inference and suggestion, about the affairs of the +household. Hadria evaded the attempt, but rejoiced, for reasons of her +own, that it was made. She began to find the occupation diverting, and +characteristically did not hesitate to allow her critic to form most +alarming conclusions as to the state of matters at the Red House. She +was pensive, and mild, and a little surprised when Miss Temperley, with +a suppressed gasp, urged that the question was deeply serious. It amused +Hadria to reproduce, for Henriette's benefit, the theories regarding the +treatment and training of children that she had found current among the +mothers of the district. + +Madame Bertaux happened to call during the afternoon, and that outspoken +lady scoffed openly at these theories, declaring that women made idiots +of themselves on behalf of their children, whom they preposterously +ill-used with unflagging devotion. + +"The moral training of young minds is such a problem," said Henriette, +after the visitor had left, "it must cause you many an anxious thought." + +Hadria arranged herself comfortably among cushions, and let every muscle +relax. + +"The boys are so young yet," she said drowsily. "I have no doubt that +will all come, later on." + +"But, my dear Hadria, unless they are trained now----" + +"Oh, there is plenty of time!" + +"Do you mean to say----?" + +"Only what other people say. Nothing in the least original, I assure +you. I see the folly and the inconvenience of that now. I have consulted +hoary experience. I have sat reverently at the feet of old nurses. I +have talked with mothers in the spirit of a disciple, and I have learnt, +oh, so much!" + +"Mothers are most anxious about the moral training of their little +ones," said Henriette, in some bewilderment. + +"Of course, but they don't worry about it so early. One can't expect +accomplished morality from poor little dots of five and six. The charm +of infancy would be gone." + +Miss Temperley explained, remonstrated. Hadria was limp, docile, +unemphatic. Perhaps Henriette was right, she didn't know. A sense of +honour? (Hadria suppressed a smile.) Could one, after all, expect of six +what one did not always get at six and twenty? Morals altogether seemed +a good deal to ask of irresponsible youth. Henriette could not overrate +the importance of early familiarity with the difference between right +and wrong. Certainly it was important, but Hadria shrank from an extreme +view. One must not rush into it without careful thought. + +"But meanwhile the children are growing up!" cried Henriette, in +despair. + +Hadria had not found that experienced mothers laid much stress on that +fact. Besides, there was considerable difficulty in the matter. +Henriette did not see it. The difference between right and wrong could +easily be taught to a child. + +Perhaps so, but it seemed to be thought expedient to defer the lesson +till the distant future; at least, if one might judge from the +literature especially designed for growing minds, wherein clever +villainy was exalted, and deeds of ferocious cruelty and revenge +occurred as a daily commonplace among heroes. The same policy was +indicated by the practice of allowing children to become familiar with +the sight of slaughter, and of violence of every kind towards animals, +from earliest infancy. Hadria concluded from all this, that it was +thought wise to postpone the moral training of the young till a more +convenient season. + +Henriette looked at her sister-in-law, with a sad and baffled mien. +Hadria's expression was solemn, and as much like that of Mrs. Walker as +she could make it, without descending to obvious caricature. + +"Do you think it quite wise, Henriette, to run dead against the customs +of ages? Do you think it safe to ignore the opinion of countless +generations of those who were older and wiser than ourselves?" + +"Dear me, how you _have_ changed!" cried Miss Temperley. + +"Advancing years; the sobering effects of experience," Hadria explained. +She was grieved to find Henriette at variance with those who had +practical knowledge of education. As the child grew up, one could easily +explain to him that the ideas and impressions that he might have +acquired, in early years, were mostly wrong, and had to be reversed. +That was quite simple. Besides, unless he were a born idiot of criminal +tendencies, he was bound to find it out for himself. + +"But, my dear Hadria, it is just the early years that are the +impressionable years. Nothing can quite erase those first impressions." + +"Oh, do you think so?" said Hadria mildly. + +"Yes, indeed, I think so," cried Henriette, losing her temper. + +"Oh, well of course you may be right." + +Hadria had brought out a piece of embroidery (about ten years old), and +was working peacefully. + +On questions of hygiene, she was equally troublesome. She had taken +hints, she said, from mothers of large families. Henriette laid stress +upon fresh air, even in the house. Hadria believed in fresh air; but +was it not going a little far to have it in the house? + +Henriette shook her head. + +Fresh air was _always_ necessary. In moderation, perhaps, Hadria +admitted. But the utmost care was called for, to avoid taking cold. She +laid great stress upon that. Children were naturally so susceptible. In +all the nurseries that she had visited, where every possible precaution +was taken against draughts, the children were incessantly taking cold. + +"Perhaps the precautions made them delicate," Henriette suggested. But +this paradox Hadria could not entertain. "Take care of the colds, and +the fresh air will take care of itself," was her general maxim. + +"But, my dear Hadria, do you mean to tell me that the people about here +are so benighted as really not to understand the importance to the +system of a constant supply of pure air?" + +Hadria puckered up her brow, as if in thought. "Well," she said, +"several mothers _have_ mentioned it, but they take more interest in +fluid magnesia and tonics." + +Henriette looked dispirited. + +At any rate, there was no reason why Hadria should not be more +enlightened than her neighbours, on these points. Hadria shook her head +deprecatingly. She hoped Henriette would not mind if she quoted the +opinion of old Mr. Jordan, whose language was sometimes a little strong. +He said that he didn't believe all that "damned nonsense about fresh air +and drains!" Henriette coughed. + +"It is certainly not safe to trust entirely to nurses, however devoted +and experienced," she insisted. Hadria shrugged her shoulders. If the +nurse _did_ constitutionally enjoy a certain stuffiness in her +nurseries--well the children were out half the day, and it couldn't do +them much harm. (Hadria bent low over her embroidery.) + +The night? + +"Oh! then one must, of course, expect to be a little stuffy." + +"But," cried Miss Temperley, almost hopeless, "impure air breathed, +night after night, is an incessant drain on the strength, even if each +time it only does a little harm." + +Hadria smiled over her silken arabesques. "Oh, nobody ever objects to +things that only do a little harm." There was a moment of silence. + +Henriette thought that Hadria must indeed have changed very much during +the last years. Well, of course, when very young, Hadria said, one had +extravagant notions: one imagined all sorts of wild things about the +purposes of the human brain: not till later did one realize that the +average brain was merely an instrument of adjustment, a sort of +spirit-level which enabled its owner to keep accurately in line with +other people. Henriette ought to rejoice that Hadria had thus come to +bow to the superiority of the collective wisdom. + +But Henriette had her doubts. + +Hadria carefully selected a shade of silk, went to the light to reassure +herself of its correctness, and returned to her easy chair by the fire. +Henriette resumed her knitting. She was making stockings for her +nephews. + +"Henriette, don't you think it would be rather a good plan if you were +to come and live here and manage affairs--morals, manners, hygiene, and +everything?" + +Henriette's needles stopped abruptly, and a wave of colour came into her +face, and a gleam of sudden joy to her eyes. + +"My dear, what do you mean?" + +"Hubert, of course, would be only too delighted to have you here, and I +want to go away." + +"For heaven's sake----" + +"Not exactly for heaven's sake. For my own sake, I suppose: frankly +selfish. It is, perhaps, the particular form that my selfishness +takes--an unfortunately conspicuous form. So many of us can have a nice +cosy pocket edition that doesn't show. However, that's not the point. I +know you would be happier doing this than anything else, and that you +would do it perfectly. You have the kind of talent, if I may say so, +that makes an admirable ruler. When it has a large political field we +call it 'administrative ability'; when it has a small domestic one, we +speak of it as 'good housekeeping.' It is a precious quality, wherever +it appears. You have no scope for it at present." + +Henriette was bewildered, horrified, yet secretly thrilled with joy on +her own account. Was there a quarrel? Had any cloud come over the +happiness of the home? Hadria laughed and assured her to the contrary. +But where was she going, and for how long? What did she intend to do? +Did Hubert approve? And could she bear to be away from her children? +Hadria thought this was all beside the point, especially as the boys +were shortly going to school. The question was, whether Henriette would +take the charge. + +Certainly, if Hadria came to any such mad decision, but that, Henriette +hoped, might be averted. What _would_ people say? Further discussion was +checked by a call from Mrs. Walker, whom Hadria had the audacity to +consult on questions of education and hygiene, leading her, by dexterous +generalship, almost over the same ground that she had traversed herself, +inducing the unconscious lady to repeat, with amazing accuracy, Hadria's +own reproduction of local views. + +"Now _am_ I without authority in my ideas?" she asked, after Mrs. Walker +had departed. Henriette had to admit that she had at least one +supporter. + +"But I believe," she added, "that your practice is better than your +preaching." + +"It seems to be an ordinance of Nature," said Hadria, "that these things +shall never correspond." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI. + + +Hadria said nothing more about her project, and when Henriette alluded +to it, answered that it was still unfurnished with detail. She merely +wished to know, for certain, Henriette's views. She admitted that there +had been some conversation on the subject between Hubert and herself, +but would give no particulars. Henriette had to draw her own conclusions +from Hadria's haggard looks, and the suppressed excitement of her +manner. + +Henriette always made a point of being present when Professor Fortescue +called, as she did not approve of his frequent visits. She noticed that +he gave a slight start when Hadria entered. In a few days, she had grown +perceptibly thinner. Her manner was restless. A day or two of rain had +prevented the usual walks. When it cleared up again, the season had +taken a stride. Still more glorious was the array of tree and flower, +and their indescribable freshness suggested the idea that they were +bathed in the mysterious elixir of life, and that if one touched them, +eternal youth would be the reward. Professor Theobald gazed at Hadria +with startled and enquiring eyes, when they met again. + +"You look tired," he said. + +"I am, rather. The spring is always a little trying." + +"Especially _this_ spring, I find." + +The gardens of the Priory were now at the very perfection of their +beauty. The supreme moment had come of flowing wealth of foliage and +delicate splendour of blossom, yet the paleness of green and tenderness +of texture were still there. + +Professor Theobald said suddenly, that Hadria looked as if she were +turning over some project very anxiously in her mind--a project on which +much depended. + +"You are very penetrating," she replied, after a moment's hesitation, +"that is exactly what I _am_ doing. When I was a girl, my brothers and +sisters and I used to discuss the question of the sovereignty of the +will. Most of us believed in it devoutly. We regarded circumstance as an +annoying trifle, that no person who respected himself would allow to +stand in his way. I want to try that theory and see what comes of it." + +"You alarm me, Mrs. Temperley." + +"Yes, people always do seem to get alarmed when one attempts to put +their favourite theories in practice." + +"But really--for a woman----" + +"The sovereignty of the will is a dangerous doctrine?" + +"Well, as things are; a young woman, a beautiful woman." + +"You recall an interesting memory," she said. + +"Ah, that is unkind." + +Her smile checked him. + +"When you fall into a mocking humour, you are quite impracticable." + +"I merely smiled," she said, "sweetly, as I thought." + +"It is really cruel; I have not had a word with you for days, and the +universe has become a wilderness." + +"A pleasant wilderness," she observed, looking round. + +"Nature is a delightful background, but a poor subject." + +"Do you think so? I often fancy one's general outlook would be nicer, if +one had an indistinct human background and a clear foreground of +unspoiled Nature. But that may be a jaundiced view." + +Hadria went off to meet Lady Engleton, who was coming down the avenue +with Madame Bertaux. Professor Theobald instinctively began to follow +and then stopped, reddening, as he met the glance of Miss Temperley. He +flung himself into conversation with her, and became especially animated +when he was passing Hadria, who did not appear to notice him. As both +Professors were to leave Craddock Dene at the end of the week, this was +the last meeting in the Priory gardens. + +Miss Temperley found Professor Theobald entertaining, but at times a +little incoherent. + +"Why, there is Miss Du Prel!" exclaimed Henriette. "What an erratic +person she is. She went to London the day before yesterday, and now she +turns up suddenly without a word of warning." + +This confirmed Professor Theobald's suspicions that something serious +was going on at the Red House. + +Valeria explained her return to Hadria, by saying that she had felt so +nervous about what the latter might be going to attempt, that she had +come back to see if she could be of help, or able to ward off any rash +adventure. + +There was a pleasant open space among the shrubberies, where several +seats had been placed to command a dainty view of the garden and lawns, +with the house in the distance, and here the party gradually converged, +in desultory fashion, coming up and strolling off again, as the fancy +inspired them. + +Cigars were lighted, and a sense of sociability and enjoyment suffused +itself, like a perfume, among the group. + +Lady Engleton was delighted to see Miss Du Prel again. She did so want +to continue the hot discussion they were having at the Red House that +afternoon, when Mr. Temperley _would_ be so horridly logical. He smiled +and twisted his moustache. + +"We were interrupted by some caller, and had to leave the argument at a +most exciting moment." + +"An eternally interesting subject!" said Temperley; "what woman is, what +she is not." + +"My dread is that presently, the need for dissimulation being over, all +the delightful mystery will have vanished," said Professor Theobald. "I +should tire, in a day, of a woman I could understand." + +"You tempt one to enquire the length of the reign of a satisfactory +enigma," cried Lady Engleton. + +"Precisely the length of her ability to mystify me," he replied. + +"Your future wife ought to be given a hint." + +"Oh! a wife, in no case, could hold me: the mere fact that it was my +duty to adore her, would be chilling. And when added to that, I knew +that she had placed it among the list of her obligations to adore +_me_--well, that would be the climax of disenchantment." + +Hubert commended his wisdom in not marrying. + +"The only person I could conceivably marry would be my cook; in that +case there would be no romance to spoil, no vision to destroy." + +"I fear this is a cloak for a poor opinion of our sex, Professor." + +"On the contrary. I admire your sex too much to think of subjecting them +to such an ordeal. I could not endure to regard a woman I had once +admired, as a matter of course, a commonplace in my existence." + +Henriette plunged headlong into the fray, in opposition to the +Professor's heresy. The conversation became general. + +Professor Theobald fell out of it. He was furtively watching Hadria, +whose eyes were strangely bright. She was sitting on the arm of a seat, +listening to the talk, with a little smile on her lips. Her hand clasped +the back of the seat rigidly, as if she were holding something down. + +The qualities and defects of the female character were frankly +canvassed, each view being held with fervour, but expressed with +urbanity. Women were _always_ so and so; women were absolutely _never_ +so and so: women felt, without exception, thus and thus; on the +contrary, they were entirely devoid of such sentiments. A large +experience and wide observation always supported each opinion, and +eminent authorities swarmed to the standard. + +"I do think that women want breadth of view," said Lady Engleton. + +"They sometimes want accuracy of statement," observed Professor +Theobald, with a possible second meaning in his words. + +"It seems to me they lack concentration. They are too versatile," was +Hubert's comment. + +"They want a sense of honour," was asserted. + +"And a sense of humour," some one added. + +"They want a feeling of public duty." + +"They want a spice of the Devil!" exclaimed Hadria. + +There was a laugh. + +Hubert thought this was a lack not likely to be felt for very long. It +was under rapid process of cultivation. + +"Why, it is a commonplace, that if a woman _is_ bad, she is always +_very_ bad," cried Lady Engleton. + +"A new and intoxicating experience," said Professor Fortescue. "I +sympathize." + +"New?" his colleague murmured, with a faint chuckle. + +"You distress me," said Henriette. + +Professor Fortescue held that woman's "goodness" had done as much harm +in the world as men's badness. The one was merely the obverse of the +other. + +"This is strange teaching!" cried Lady Engleton. + +The Professor reminded her that truth was always stranger than fiction. + +"To the best men," observed Valeria, "women show all their meanest +qualities. It is the fatality of their training." + +Professor Theobald had noted the same trait in other subject races. + +"Pray, don't call us a subject race!" remonstrated Lady Engleton. + +"Ah, yes, the truth," cried Hadria, "we starve for the truth." + +"You are courageous, Mrs. Temperley." + +"Like the Lady of Shallott, I am sick of shadows." + +"The bare truth, on this subject, is hard for a woman to face." + +"It is harder, in the long run, to waltz eternally round it with averted +eyes." + +"But, dear me, why is the truth about ourselves hard to face?" demanded +Valeria. + +"I am placed between the horns of a dilemma: one lady clamours for the +bare truth: another forbids me to say anything unpleasing." + +"I withdraw my objection," Valeria offered. + +"The ungracious task shall not be forced upon unwilling chivalry," said +Hadria. "If our conditions have been evil, some scars must be left and +may as well be confessed. Among the faults of women, I should place a +tendency to trade upon and abuse real chivalry and generosity when they +meet them: a survival perhaps from the Stone Age, when the fittest to +bully were the surviving elect of society." + +Hadria's eyes sparkled with suppressed excitement. + +"Freedom alone teaches us to meet generosity, generously," said +Professor Fortescue; "you can't get the perpendicular virtues out of any +but the really free-born." + +"Then do you describe women's virtues as horizontal?" enquired Miss Du +Prel, half resentfully. + +"In so far as they follow the prevailing models. Women's love, +friendship, duty, the conduct of life as a whole, speaking very roughly, +has been lacking in the quality that I call perpendicular; a quality +implying something more than _upright_." + +"You seem to value but lightly the woman's acknowledged readiness for +self-sacrifice," said Lady Engleton. "That, I suppose, is only a +despised horizontal virtue." + +"Very frequently." + +"Because it is generally more or less abject," Hadria put in. "The +sacrifice is made because the woman is a woman. It is the obeisance of +sex; the acknowledgment of servility; not a simple desire of service." + +"The adorable creature is not always precisely obeisant," observed +Theobald. + +"No; as I say, she may be capricious and cruel enough to those who treat +her justly and generously" (Hadria's eyes instinctively turned towards +the distant Priory, and Valeria's followed them); "but ask her to +sacrifice herself for nothing; ask her to cherish the selfishness of +some bully or fool; assure her that it is her duty to waste her youth, +lose her health, and stultify her mind, for the sake of somebody's whim, +or somebody's fears, or somebody's absurdity, _then_ she needs no +persuasion. She goes to the stake smiling. She swears the flames are +comfortably warm, no more. Are they diminishing her in size? Oh no--not +at all--besides she _was_ rather large, for a woman. She smiles +encouragement to the other chained figures, at the other stakes. Her +reward? The sense of exalted worth, of humility; the belief that she has +been sublimely virtuous, while the others whom she serves have +been--well the less said about them the better. She has done her duty, +and sent half a dozen souls to hell!" + +Henriette uttered a little cry. + +"Where one expects to meet her!" Hadria added. + +Professor Theobald was chuckling gleefully. + +Lady Engleton laughed. "Then, Mrs. Temperley, you _do_ feel rather +wicked yourself, although you don't admire our nice, well-behaved, +average woman." + +"Oh, the mere opposite of an error isn't always truth," said Hadria. + +"The weather has run to your head!" cried Henriette. + +Hadria's eyes kindled. "Yes, it is like wine; clear, intoxicating +sparkling wine, and its fumes are mounting! Why does civilisation never +provide for these moments?" + +"What would you have? A modified feast of Dionysius?" + +"Why not? The whole earth joins in the festival and sings, except +mankind. Some frolic of music and a stirring dance!--But ah! I suppose, +in this tamed England of ours, we should feel it artificial; we should +fear to let ourselves go. But in Greece--if we could fancy ourselves +there, shorn of our little local personalities--in some classic grove, +on sunlit slopes, all bubbling with the re-birth of flowers and alive +with the light, the broad all-flooding light of Greece that her children +dreaded to leave more than any other earthly thing, when death +threatened--could one not imagine the loveliness of some garlanded +dance, and fancy the naiads, and the dryads, and all the hosts of Pan +gambolling at one's heels?" + +"Really, Mrs. Temperley, you were not born for an English village. I +should like Mrs. Walker to hear you!" + +"Mrs. Walker knows better than to listen to me. She too hides somewhere, +deep down, a poor fettered thing that would gladly join the revel, if it +dared. We all do." + +Lady Engleton dwelt joyously on the image of Mrs. Walker, cavorting, +garlanded, on a Greek slope, with the nymphs and water-sprites for +familiar company. + +Lady Engleton had risen laughing, and proposed a stroll to Hadria. + +Henriette, who did not like the tone the conversation was taking, +desired to join them. + +"I never quite know how far you are serious, and how far you are just +amusing yourself, Hadria," said Lady Engleton. "Our talking of Greece +reminds me of some remark you made the other day, about Helen. You +seemed to me almost to sympathize with her." + +Hadria's eyes seemed to be looking across miles of sea to the sunny +Grecian land. + +"If a slave breaks his chains and runs, I am always glad," she said. + +"I was talking about Helen." + +"So was I. If a Spartan wife throws off her bondage and defies the laws +that insult her, I am still more glad." + +"But not if she sins?" Henriette coughed, warningly. + +"Yes; if she sins." + +"Oh, Hadria," remonstrated Henriette, in despair. + +"I don't see that it follows that Helen _did_ sin, however; one does not +know much about her sentiments. She revolted against the tyranny that +held her shut in, enslaved, body and soul, in that wonderful Greek world +of hers. I am charmed to think that she gave her countrymen so much +trouble to assert her husband's right of ownership. It was at _his_ +door that the siege of Troy ought to be laid. I only wish elopements +always caused as much commotion!" Lady Engleton laughed, and Miss +Temperley tried to catch Hadria's eye. + +"Well, that _is_ a strange idea! And do you really think Helen did not +sin? Seriously now." + +"I don't know. There is no evidence on that point." Lady Engleton +laughed again. + +"You do amuse me. Assuming that Helen did not sin, I suppose you would +(if only for the sake of paradox) accuse the virtuous Greek matrons--who +sat at home, and wove, and span, and bore children--of sinning against +the State!" + +"Certainly," said Hadria, undismayed. "It was they who insidiously +prepared the doom for their country, as they wove and span and bore +children, with stupid docility. As surely as an enemy might undermine +the foundations of a city till it fell in with a crash, so surely they +brought ruin upon Greece." + +"Oh, Hadria, you are quite beside yourself to-day!" cried Henriette. + +"A love of paradox will lead you far!" said Lady Engleton. "We have +always been taught to think a nation sound and safe whose women were +docile and domestic." + +"What nation, under those conditions, has ever failed to fall in with a +mighty crash, like my undermined city? Greece herself could not hold +out. Ah, yes; we have our revenge! a sweet, sweet revenge!" + +Lady Engleton was looking much amused and a little dismayed, when she +and her companions rejoined the party. + +"I never heard anyone say so many dreadful things in so short a space of +time," she cried. "You are distinctly shocking." + +"I am frank," said Hadria. "I fancy we should all go about with our hair +permanently on end, if we spoke out in chorus." + +"I don't quite like to hear you say that, Hadria." + +"I mean no harm--merely that every one thinks thoughts and feels +impulses that would be startling if expressed in speech. Don't we all +know how terrifying a thing speech is, and thought? a chartered +libertine." + +"Why, you are saying almost exactly what Professor Theobald said the +other day, and we were so shocked." + +"And yet my meaning has scarcely any relation to his," Hadria hastened +to say. "He meant to drag down all belief in goodness by reminding us of +dark moments and hours; by placarding the whole soul with the name of +some shadow that moves across it, I sometimes think from another world, +some deep under-world that yawns beneath us and sends up blackness and +fumes and strange cries." Hadria's eyes had wandered far away. "Are you +never tormented by an idea, an impression that you know does not belong +to you?" + +Lady Engleton gave a startled negative. "Professor Fortescue, come and +tell me what you think of this strange doctrine?" + +"If we had to be judged by our freedom from rushes of evil impulse, +rather than by our general balance of good and evil wishing, I think +those would come out best, who had fewest thoughts and feelings of any +kind to record." The subject attracted a small group. + +"Unless goodness is only a negative quality," Valeria pointed out, "a +mere _absence_, it must imply a soul that lives and struggles, and if it +lives and struggles, it is open to the assaults of the devil." + +"Yes, and it is liable to go under too sometimes, one must not forget," +said Hadria, "although most people profess to believe so firmly in the +triumph of the best--how I can't conceive, since the common life of +every day is an incessant harping on the moral: the smallest, meanest, +poorest, thinnest, vulgarest qualities in man and woman are those +selected for survival, in the struggle for existence." + +There was a cry of remonstrance from idealists. + +"But what else do we mean when we talk by common consent of the world's +baseness, harshness, vulgarity, injustice? It means surely--and think of +it!--that it is composed of men and women with the best of them killed +out, as a nerve burnt away by acid; a heart won over to meaner things +than it set out beating for; a mind persuaded to nibble at edges of dry +crust that might have grown stout and serviceable on generous diet, and +mellow and inspired with noble vintage." + +"You really are shockingly Bacchanalian to-day," cried Lady Engleton. + +Hadria laughed. "Metaphorically, I am a toper. The wonderful clear +sparkle, the subtle flavour, the brilliancy of wine, has for me a +strange fascination; it seems to signify so much in life that women +lose." + +"True. What beverage should one take as a type of what they gain by the +surrender?" asked Lady Engleton, who was disposed to hang back towards +orthodoxy, in the presence of her uncompromising neighbour. + +"Oh, toast and water!" replied Hadria. + + + + +Part III. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII. + + +The speed was glorious. Back flashed field and hill and copse, and the +dear "companionable hedgeways." Back flew iterative telegraph posts with +Herculean swing, into the Past, looped together in rhythmic movement, +marking the pulses of old Time. On, with rack and roar, into the +mysterious Future. One could sit at the window and watch the machinery +of Time's foundry at work; the hammers of his forge beating, beating, +the wild sparks flying, the din and chaos whirling round one's +bewildered brain;--Past becoming Present, Present melting into Future, +before one's eyes. To sit and watch the whirring wheels; to think "Now +it is thus and thus; presently, another slice of earth and sky awaits +me"--ye Gods, it is not to be realized! + +The wonder of the flying land--England, England with her gentle +homesteads, her people of the gentle voices; and the unknown wonder of +that other land, soon to change its exquisite dream-features for the +still more thrilling, appealing marvel of reality--could it all be true? +Was this the response of the genius of the ring, the magic ring that we +call _will_? And would the complaisant genius always appear and obey +one's behests, in this strange fashion? + +Thoughts ran on rhythmically, in the steady, flashing movement through +verdant England. The Real! _that_ was the truly exquisite, the truly +great, the true realm of the imagination! What imagination was ever born +to conceive or compass it? + +A rattle under a bridge, a roar through a tunnel, and on again, through +Kentish orchards. A time of blossoming. Disjointed, delicious +impressions followed one another in swift succession, often +superficially incoherent, but threaded deep, in the stirred +consciousness, on a silver cord:--the unity of the creation was as +obvious as its multiplicity. + +Images of the Past joined hands with visions of the Future. In these +sweet green meadows, men had toiled, as thralls, but a few lifetimes +ago, and they had gathered together, as Englishmen do, first to protest +and reasonably demand, and then to buy their freedom with their lives. +Their countrywoman sent a message of thanksgiving, backward through the +centuries, to these stout champions of the land's best heritage, and +breathed an aspiration to be worthy of the kinship that she claimed. + +The rattle and roar grew into a symphony--full, rich, magnificent, and +then, with a rush, came a stirring musical conception: it seized the +imagination. + +Oh, why were they stopping? It was a little country station, but many +passengers were on the platform. A careworn looking woman and a little +girl entered the carriage, and the little girl fixed her eyes on her +fellow-traveller with singular persistence. Then the more practical +features of the occasion came into view, and all had an enthralling +quality of reality--poetry. The sound of the waiting engine breathing +out its white smoke into the brilliant air, the powerful creature +quiescent but ready, with the turn of a handle, to put forth its +slumbering might; the crunching of footsteps on the gravel, the +wallflowers and lilacs in the little station garden, the blue of the +sky, and ah! the sweetness of the air when one leant out to look along +the interminable straight line of rails, leading--whither? Even the very +details of one's travelling gear: the tweed gown meet for service, the +rug and friendly umbrella, added to the feeling of overflowing +satisfaction. The little girl stared more fixedly than ever. A smile and +the offer of a flower made her look down, for a minute, but the gaze was +resumed. Wherefore? Was the inward tumult too evident in the face? +Well, no matter. The world was beautiful and wide! + +The patient monster began to move again, with a gay whistle, as if he +enjoyed this chase across country, on the track of Time. He was soon at +full speed again, on his futile race: a hapless idealist in pursuit of +lost dreams. The little girl watched the dawn of a smile on the face of +the kind, pretty lady who had given her the flower. A locomotive +figuring as an idealist! Where would one's fancy lead one to next? + +Ah the sea! heaving busily, and flashing under the morning radiance. +Would they have a good crossing? The wind was fresh. How dreamy and +bright and windy the country looked, and how salt was the sea-breeze! +Very soon they would arrive at Folkestone. Rugs and umbrellas and +handbags must be collected. The simple, solid commonplace of it all, +touched some wholesome spring of delight. What a speed the train was +going at! One could scarcely stand in the jolting carriage. Old Time +must not make too sure of his victory. One felt a wistful partisanship +for his snorting rival, striving for ever to accomplish the impossible. +The labouring visionary was not without significance to aspiring +mortals. + +The outskirts of the town were coming in sight; grey houses bleakly +climbing chalky heights. It would be well to put on a thick overcoat at +once. It was certain to be cold in the Channel. + +Luckily Hannah had a head on her shoulders, and could be trusted to +follow the directions that had been given her. + +The last five minutes seemed interminable, but they did come to an end. +There was an impression of sweet salt air, of wind and voices, of a +hurrying crowd; occasionally a French sentence pronounced by one of the +officials, reminiscent of a thousand dreams and sights of foreign lands; +and then the breezy quay and waiting steamboat. + +The sound of that quiet, purposeful hiss of the steam sent a thrill +along the nerves. Hannah and her charge were safely on board; the small +luggage followed, and lastly Hadria traversed the narrow bridge, +wondering when the moment would arrive for waking up and finding herself +in her little bedroom at Craddock Dene? What was she thinking of? Dream? +_This_ was no dream, this bold, blue, dancing water, this living +sunshine, this salt and savour and movement and brilliancy! + +The _other_ was the dream; it seemed to be drifting away already. The +picture of the village and the house and the meadows, and the low line +of the hills was recalled as through a veil; it would not stand up and +face the emphatic present. At the end of a few months, would there be +anything left of her connexion with the place where she had passed +six--seven years of her life? and such years! They had put scars on her +soul, as deep and ghastly as ever red-hot irons had marked on tortured +flesh. Perhaps it was because of this rabid agony undergone, that now +she seemed to have scarcely any clinging to her home,--for the present +at any rate. And she knew that she left only sorrow for conventional +disasters behind her. The joy of freedom and its intoxication drowned +every other feeling. It was sheer relief to be away, to stretch oneself +in mental liberty and leisure, to look round at earth and sky and the +hurrying crowds, in quiet enjoyment; to possess one's days, one's +existence for the first time, in all these long years! It was as the +home-coming of a dispossessed heir. This freedom did not strike her as +strange, but as obvious, as familiar. It was the first condition of a +life that was worth living. And yet never before had she known it. +Ernest and Fred and even Austin had enjoyed it from boyhood, and in far +greater completeness than she could ever hope to possess it, even now. + +Yet even this limited, this comparative freedom, which a man could +afford to smile at, was intoxicating. Heavens! under what a leaden cloud +of little obligations and restraints, and loneliness and pain, she had +been living! And for what purpose? To make obeisance to a phantom +public, not because she cared one iota for the phantom or its opinions, +but because husband and parents and relations were terrified at the +prospect of a few critical and disapproving remarks, that they would not +even hear! How mad it all was! It was not true feeling, not affection, +that prompted Hubert's opposition; it was not care for his real +happiness that inspired Henriette with such ardour in this cause; they +would both be infinitely happier and more harmonious in Hadria's +absence. The whole source of their distress was the fear of what people +would say when the separation became known to the world. That was the +beginning and the end of the matter. Why could not the stupid old world +mind its own business, in heaven's name? Good people, especially good +women of the old type, would all counsel the imbecile sacrifice. They +would all condemn this step. Indeed, the sacrifice that Hadria had +refused to make, was so common, so much a matter of course, that her +refusal appeared startling and preposterous: scarcely less astonishing +than if a neighbour at dinner, requesting one to pass the salt, had been +met with a rude "I shan't." + +"A useful phrase at times, of the nature of a tonic, amidst our +enervating civilisation," she reflected. + +There was a tramping of passengers up and down the deck. People walked +obliquely, with head to windward. Draperies fluttered; complexions +verged towards blue. Only two ladies who had abandoned hope from the +beginning, suffered from the crossing. The kindly sailors occupied their +leisure in bringing tarpaulins to the distressed. + +"Well, Hannah, how are you getting on?" + +Hannah looked forward ardently to the end of the journey, but her charge +seemed delighted with the new scene. + +"Have you ever been to France before, ma'am?" Hannah asked, perhaps +noticing the sparkle of her employer's eye and the ring in her voice. + +"Yes, once; I spent a week in Paris with Mr. Temperley, and we went on +afterwards to the Pyrenees. That was just before we took the Red House." + +"It must have been beautiful," said Hannah. "And did you take the +babies, ma'am?" + +"They were neither of them in existence then," replied Mrs. Temperley. A +strange fierce light passed through her eyes for a second, but Hannah +did not notice it. Martha's shawl was blowing straight into her eyes, +and the nurse was engaged in arranging it more comfortably. + +The coast of France had become clear, some time ago; they were making +the passage very quickly to-day. Soon the red roofs of Boulogne were to +be distinguished, with the grey dome of the cathedral on the hill-top. +Presently, the boat had arrived in the bright old town, and every detail +of outline and colour was standing forth brilliantly, as if the whole +scene had been just washed over with clear water and all the tints were +wet. + +The first impression was keen. The innumerable differences from English +forms and English tones sprang to the eye. A whiff of foreign smell and +a sound of foreign speech reached the passengers at about the same +moment. The very houses looked unfamiliarly built, and even the letters +of printed names of hotels and shops had a frivolous, spindly +appearance--elegant but frail. The air was different from English air. +Some _bouillon_ and a slice of fowl were very acceptable at the +restaurant at the station, after the business of examining the luggage +was over. Hannah, evidently nourishing a sense of injury against the +natives for their eccentric jargon, and against the universe for the +rush and discomfort of the last quarter of an hour, was disposed to +express her feelings by a marked lack of relish for her food. She +regarded Hadria's hearty appetite with a disdainful expression. Martha +ate bread and butter and fruit. She was to have some milk that had been +brought for her, when they were _en route_ again. + +"_Tout le monde en voiture!_" Within five minutes, the train was +puffing across the wastes of blowing sand that ran along the coast, +beyond the town. The child, who had become accustomed to the noise and +movement, behaved better than had been expected. She seemed to take +pleasure in looking out of the window at the passing trees. Hannah was +much struck with this sign of awakening intelligence. It was more than +the good nurse showed herself. She scarcely condescended to glance at +the panorama of French fields, French hills and streams that were +rushing by. How pale and ethereal they were, these Gallic coppices and +woodlands! And with what a dainty lightness the foliage spread itself to +the sun, French to its graceful finger-tips! That grey old house, with +high lichen-stained roof and narrow windows--where but in sunny France +could one see its like?--and the little farmsteads and villages, full of +indescribable charm. One felt oneself in a land of artists. There was no +inharmonious, no unfitting thing anywhere. Man had wedded himself to +Nature, and his works seemed to receive her seal and benediction. +English landscape was beautiful, and it had a particular charm to be +found nowhere else in the world; but in revenge, there was something +here that England could not boast. Was it fanciful to see in the +characteristics of vegetation and scenery, the origin or expression of +the difference of the two races at their greatest? + +"Ah, if I were only a painter!" + +They were passing some fields where, in the slanting rays of the sun, +peasants in blue blouses and several women were bending over their toil. +It was a subject often chosen by French artists. Hadria understood why. +One of the labourers stood watching the train, and she let her eyes rest +on the patient figure till she was carried beyond his little world. If +she could have painted that scene just as she saw it, all the sadness +and mystery of the human lot would have stood forth eloquently in form +and colour; these a magic harmony, not without some inner kinship with +the spirit of man at its noblest. + +What was he thinking, that toil-bent peasant, as the train flashed by? +What tragedy or comedy was he playing on his rural stage? Hadria sat +down and shut her eyes, dazzled by the complex mystery and miracle of +life, and almost horrified at the overwhelming thought of the millions +of these obscure human lives burning themselves out, everywhere, at +every instant, like so many altar-candles to the unknown God! + +"And each one of them takes himself as seriously as I take myself: +perhaps more seriously. Ah, if one could but pause to smile at one's +tragic moments, or still better, at one's sublime ones. But it can't be +done. A remembrancer would have to be engaged, to prevent lapses into +the sublime,--and how furious one would be when he nudged one, with his +eternal: 'Beware!'" + +It was nearly eight o'clock when the train plunged among the myriad +lights of the great city. The brilliant beacon of the Eiffel Tower sat +high up in the sky, like an exile star. + +Gaunt and grim was the vast station, with its freezing purplish electric +light. Yet even here, to Hadria's stirred imagination, there was a +certain quality in the Titanic building, which removed it from the +vulgarity of English utilitarian efforts of the same order. + +In a fanciful mood, one might imagine a tenth circle of the Inferno, +wherein those stern grey arches should loftily rise, in blind and +endless sequence, limbing an abode of horror, a place of punishment for +those, empty-hearted, who had lived without colour and sunshine, in +voluntary abnegation, caring only for gain and success. + +The long delay in the examination of the luggage, the fatigue of the +journey, tended to increase the disposition to regard the echoing +edifice, with its cold hollow reverberations, as a Circle of the Doomed. +It was as if they passed from the realm of the Shades through the Gates +of Life, when at length the cab rattled out of the courtyard of the +station, and turned leftwards into the brilliant streets of Paris. It +was hard to realize that all this stir and light and life had been going +on night after night, for all these years, during which one had sat in +the quiet drawing-room at Craddock Dene, trying wistfully, hopelessly, +to grasp the solid fact of an unknown vast reality, through a record +here and there. The journey was a long one to the Rue Boissy d'Anglas, +but tired as she was, Hadria did not wish it shorter. Even Hannah was +interested in the brilliantly lighted shops and _cafes_ and the +splendour of the boulevards. Now and again, the dark deserted form of a +church loomed out, lonely, amidst the gaiety of Parisian street-life. +Some electric lamp threw a distant gleam upon calm classic pillars, +which seemed to hold aloof, with a quality of reserve rarely to be +noticed in things Parisian. Hadria greeted it with a feeling of +gratitude. + +The great Boulevard was ablaze and swarming with life. The _cafes_ were +full; the gilt and mirrors and the crowds of _consommateurs_ within, all +visible as one passed along the street, while, under the awning outside, +crowds were sitting smoking, drinking, reading the papers. + +Was it really possible that only this morning, those quiet English +fields had been dozing round one, those sleepy villagers spreading their +slow words out, in expressing an absence of idea, over the space of time +in which a Parisian conveyed a pocket philosophy? + +The cabman directed his vehicle down the Rue Royale, passing the stately +Madeleine, with its guardian sycamores, and out into the windy +spaciousness of the Place de la Concorde. + +A wondrous city! Hannah pointed out the electric light of the Eiffel +Tower to her charge, and Martha put out her small hands, demanding the +toy on the spot. + +The festooned lights of the Champs Elysees swung themselves up, in +narrowing line, till they reached the pompous arch at the summit, and +among the rich trees of those Elysian fields gleamed the festive lamps +of _cafes chantants_. + +"_Si Madame desire encore quelque chose?_" The neat maid, in picturesque +white cap and apron, stood with her hand on the door of the little +bedroom, on one of the highest storeys of the _pension_. Half of one of +the long windows had been set open, and the sounds of the rolling of +vehicles over the smooth asphalte, mingled with those of voices, were +coming up, straight and importunate, into the dainty bedroom. The very +sounds seemed nearer and clearer in this keen-edged land. The bed stood +in one corner, canopied with white and blue; a thick carpet gave a sense +of luxury and deadened the tramp of footsteps; a marble mantel-piece was +surmounted by a mirror, and supported a handsome bronze clock and two +bronze ornaments. The furniture was of solid mahogany. A nameless French +odour pervaded the atmosphere, delicate, subtle, but unmistakeable. And +out of the open window, one could see a series of other lighted windows, +all of exactly the same tall graceful design, opening in the middle by +the same device and the same metal handle that had to be turned in order +to open or close the window. Within, the rooms obviously modelled +themselves on the one unvarying ideal. A few figures could be seen +coming and going, busy at work or play. Above the steep roofs, a +blue-black sky was alive with brilliant stars. + +"_Merci;_" Madame required nothing more. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII. + + "... Rushes life on a race + As the clouds the clouds chase; + And we go, + And we drop like the fruits of the tree, + Even we, + Even so." + + +Just at first, it was a sheer impossibility to do anything but bask and +bathe in the sunny present, to spend the days in wandering incredulously +through vernal Paris, over whose bursting freshness and brilliancy the +white clouds seemed to be driven, with the same joy of life. The city +was crammed; the inhabitants poured forth in swarms to enjoy, in true +French fashion, the genial warmth and the universal awakening after the +long capricious winter. It was actually hot in the sun, and fresh light +clothing became a luxury, like a bath after a journey. The year had +raised its siege, and there was sudden amity between man and Nature. +Shrivelled man could relax the tension of resistance to cold and damp +and change, and go forth into the sun with cordial _insouciance_. In +many of the faces might be read this kindly amnesty, although there were +some so set and fixed with past cares that not even the soft hand of a +Parisian spring could smooth away the lines, or even touch the spirit. + +These Hadria passed with an aching pity. Circumstance had been to them a +relentless taskmaster. Perhaps they had not rubbed the magic ring of +will, and summoned the obedient genius. Perhaps circumstance had +forbidden them even the rag wherewith to rub--or the impulse. + +Sallying forth from the _pension_, Hadria would sometimes pause, for a +moment, at the corner of the street, where it opened into the Place de +la Concorde, irresolute, because of the endless variety of possible ways +to turn, and places to visit. She seldom made definite plans the day +before, unless it were for the pleasure of changing them. The letter of +introduction to Madame Vauchelet had remained unpresented. The sense of +solitude, combined for the first time with that of freedom, was too +delightful to forego. One must have time to realize and appreciate the +sudden calm and serenity; the sudden absence of claims and obstructions +and harassing criticisms. Heavens, what a price people consented to pay +for the privilege of human ties! what hard bargains were driven in the +kingdom of the affections! Thieves, extortionists, usurers--and in the +name of all the virtues! + +"Yes, solitude has charms!" Hadria inwardly exclaimed, as she stood +watching the coming and going of people, the spouting of fountains, the +fluttering of big sycamore leaves in the Champs Elysees. + +Unhappily, the solitude made difficulties. But meanwhile there was a +large field to be explored, where these difficulties did not arise, or +could be guarded against. Her sex was a troublesome obstruction. "One +does not come of centuries of chattel-women for nothing!" she wrote to +Algitha. Society bristled with insults, conscious and unconscious. Nor +had one lived the brightest, sweetest years of one's life tethered and +impounded, without feeling the consequences when the tether was cut. +There were dreads, shrinkings, bewilderments, confusions to encounter; +the difficulties of pilotage in unknown seas, of self-knowledge, and +guidance suddenly needed in new ranges of the soul; fresh temptations, +fresh possibilities to deal with; everything untested, the alphabet of +worldly experience yet to learn. + +But all this was felt with infinitely greater force a little later, when +the period of solitude was over, and Hadria found herself in the midst +of a little society whose real codes and ideas she had gropingly to +learn. Unfamiliar (in any practical sense) with life, even in her own +country, she had no landmarks or finger-posts, of any kind, in this new +land. Her sentiment had never been narrowly British, but now she +realized her nationality over-keenly; she felt herself almost +grotesquely English, and had a sense of insular clumsiness amidst a +uprightly, dexterous people. Conscious of a thousand illusive, but very +real differences in point of view, and in nature, between the two +nations, she had a baffled impression of walking among mysteries and +novelties that she could not grasp. She began to be painfully conscious +of the effects of the narrow life that she had led, and of the +limitations that had crippled her in a thousand ways hitherto scarcely +realized. + +"One begins to learn everything too late," she wrote to Algitha. "This +ought all to have been familiar long ago. I don't know anything about +the world in which I live. I have never before caught so much as a +distant glimpse of it. And even now there are strange thick wrappings +from the past that cling tight round and hold me aloof, strive as I may +to strip off that past-made personality, and to understand, by touch, +what things are made of. I feel as if I would risk anything in order to +really know that. Why should a woman treat herself as if she were +Dresden china? She is more or less insulted and degraded whatever +happens, especially if she obeys what our generation is pleased to call +the moral law. The more I see of life, the more hideous seems the +position that women hold in relation to the social structure, and the +more sickening the current nonsense that is talked about us and our +'missions' and 'spheres.' It is so feeble, so futile, to try to ornament +an essentially degrading fact. It is such insolence to talk to us--good +heavens, to _us!_--about holiness and sacredness, when men (to whom +surely a sense of humour has been denied) divide their women into two +great classes, both of whom they insult and enslave, insisting +peremptorily on the existence of each division, but treating one class +as private and the other as public property. One might as well talk to +driven cattle in the shambles about their 'sacred mission' as to women. +It is an added mockery, a gratuitous piece of insolence." + +Having been, from childhood, more or less at issue with her +surroundings, Hadria had never fully realized their power upon her +personality. But now daily a fresh recognition of her continued +imprisonment, baffled her attempt to look at things with clear eyes. She +struggled to get round and beyond that past-fashioned self, not merely +in order to see truly, but in order to see at all. And in doing so, she +ran the risk of letting go what she might have done better to hold. She +felt painfully different from these people among whom she found herself. +Her very trick of pondering over things sent her spinning to hopeless +distances. They seemed to ponder so wholesomely little. Their +intelligence was devoted to matters of the moment; they were keen and +well-finished and accomplished. Hadria used to look at them in +astonishment. How did these quick-witted people manage to escape the +importunate inquisitive demon, the familiar spirit, who pursued her +incessantly with his queries and suggestions? He would stare up from +river and street and merry gardens; his haunting eyes looked mockingly +out of green realms of stirring foliage, and his voice was like a +sardonic echo to the happy voices of the children, laughing at their +play under the flickering shadows, of mothers discussing their cares and +interests, of men in blouses, at work by the water-side, or solemn, in +frock-coats, with pre-occupations of business and bread-winning. The +demon had his own reflections on all these seemingly ordinary matters, +and so bizarre were they at times, so startling and often so terrible, +that one found oneself shivering in full noontide, or smiling, or +thrilled with passionate pity at "the sad, strange ways of men." + +It was sweet to stretch one's cramped wings to the sun, to ruffle and +spread them, as a released bird will, but it was startling to find +already little stiff habits arisen, little creaks and hindrances never +suspected, that made flight in the high air not quite effortless and +serene. + +The Past is never past; immortal as the Gods, it lives enthroned in the +Present, and sets its limits and lays its commands. + +Cases have been known of a man blind from birth being restored to sight, +at mature age. For a time, the appearance of objects was strange and +incomprehensible. Their full meaning was not conveyed to him; they +remained riddles. He could not judge the difference between near and +far, between solid and liquid; he had no experience, dating from +childhood, of the apparent smallness of distant things, of the connexion +between the impression given to the touch by solids and their effect on +the eye. He had all these things to learn. A thousand trifling +associations, of which those with normal senses are scarcely conscious, +had to be stumblingly acquired, as a child learns to connect sound and +sight, in learning to read. + +Such were the changes of consciousness that Hadria found herself going +through; only realising each phase of the process after it was over, and +the previous confusion of vision had been itself revealed, by the newly +and often painfully acquired co-ordinating skill. + +But, as generally happens, in the course of passing from ignorance to +knowledge, the intermediate stage was chaotic. Objects loomed up large +and indistinct, as through a mist; vague forms drifted by, half +revealed, to melt away again; here and there were clear outlines and +solid impressions, to be deemed trustworthy and given a place of honour; +thence a disproportion in the general conception; it being almost beyond +human power to allow sufficiently for that which is unknown. + +For some time, however, the dominant impression on Hadria's mind was of +her own gigantic ignorance. This ignorance was far more confusing and +even misleading than it had been when its proportions were less defined. +The faint twinkle of light revealed the dusky outline, bewildering and +discouraging the imagination. Intuitive knowledge was disturbed by the +incursion of scraps of disconnected experience. This condition of mind +made her an almost insoluble psychological problem. Since she was +evidently a woman of pronounced character, her bewilderment and +tentative attitude were not allowed for. Her actions were regarded as +deliberate and cool-headed, when often they would be the outcome of +sheer confusion, or chance, or perhaps of a groping experimental effort. + +The first three weeks in Paris had been given up to enjoying the new +conditions of existence. But now practical matters claimed consideration. +The _pension_ in the Rue Boissy d'Anglas was not suitable as a permanent +abode. Rooms must be looked for, combining cheapness with a good situation, +within easy distance of the scene of Hadria's future musical studies, and +also within reach of some park or gardens for Martha's benefit. + +This ideal place of abode was at last found. It cost rather more than +Hadria had wished to spend on mere lodging, but otherwise it seemed +perfect. It was in a quiet street between the Champs Elysees and the +river. Two great thoroughfares ran, at a respectful distance, on either +side, with omnibuses always passing. Hadria could be set down within a +few minutes' walk of the School of Music, or, if she liked to give the +time, could walk the whole way to her morning's work, through some of +the most charming parts of Paris. As for Martha, she was richly provided +with playgrounds. The Bois could be quickly reached, and there were +always the Champs Elysees or the walk beneath the chestnuts by the +river, along the Cours de la Reine and the length of the quays. Even +Hannah thought the situation might do. Hadria had begun her studies at +the School of Music, and found the steady work not only a profound, +though somewhat stern enjoyment, but a solid backbone to her new +existence, giving it cohesion and form. Recreation deserved its name, +after work of this kind. Any lurking danger of too great speculative +restlessness disappeared. There had been a moment when the luxurious joy +of mere wandering observation and absorption, threatened to become +overwhelming, and to loosen some of the rivets of the character. + +But work was to the sum-total of impulse what the central weight was to +one of Martha's toys: a leaden ballast that always brought the balance +right again, however wildly the little tyrant might swing the creature +off the perpendicular. When Hadria used to come in, pleasantly tired +with her morning's occupation, and the wholesome heat of the sun, to +take her simple _dejeuner_ in the little apartment with Martha, a +frivolous five minutes would often be spent by the two in endeavouring +to overcome the rigid principles of that well-balanced plaything. But +always the dead weight at its heart frustrated their attempts. Martha +played the most inconsiderate pranks with its centre of gravity, but +quite in vain. When a little French boy from the _etage_ above was +allowed to come and play with Martha, she proceeded to experiment upon +_his_ centre of gravity in the same way, and seemed much surprised when +Jean Paul Auguste not only howled indignantly, but didn't swing up again +after he was overturned. He remained supine, and had to be reinstated by +Hadria and Hannah, and comforted with sweetmeats. Martha's logic +received one of its first checks. She evidently made up her mind that +logic was a fallacious mode of inference, and determined to abandon it +for the future. These rebuffs in infancy, Hadria conjectured, might +account for much! + +About three weeks passed in almost pure enjoyment and peace; and then it +was discovered that the cost of living, in spite of an extremely simple +diet, was such as might have provided epicurean luxuries for a family of +ten. Hadria's enquiries among her acquaintances elicited cries of +consternation. Obviously the landlady, who did the marketing, must be +cheating on a royal scale, and there was nothing for it but to move. +Hadria suggested to Madame Vauchelet, whose advice she always sought in +practical matters, that perhaps the landlady might be induced to pursue +her lucrative art in moderation; could she not put it honestly down in +the bill "Peculation--so much per week?" + +Madame Vauchelet was horrified. "Impossible!" she cried; one must seek +another apartment. If only Hannah understood French and could do the +marketing herself. But Hannah scorned the outlandish lingo, and had a +poor opinion of the nation as a whole. + +It was fatiguing and somewhat discouraging work to begin, all over +again, the quest of rooms, especially with the difficulty about the +landlady always in view, and no means of ascertaining her scale of +absorption. It really seemed a pity that it could not be mentioned as +an extra, like coal and lights. Then one would know what one was about. +This uncertain liability, with an extremely limited income, which was +likely to prove insufficient unless some addition could be made to it, +was trying to the nerves. + +In order to avoid too great anxiety, Hadria had to make up her mind to a +less attractive suite of rooms, farther out of town, and she found it +desirable to order many of the comestibles herself. Madame Vauchelet was +untiring in her efforts to help and advise. She initiated Hadria into +the picturesque mysteries of Parisian housekeeping. It was amusing to go +to the shops and markets with this shrewd Frenchwoman, and very +enlightening as to the method of living cheaply and well. Hadria began +to think wistfully of a more permanent _menage_ in this entrancing +capital, where there were still worlds within worlds to explore. She +questioned Madame Vauchelet as to the probable cost of a _femme de +menage_. Madame quickly ran through some calculations and pronounced a +sum alluringly small. Since the landlady difficulty was so serious, and +made personal superintendence necessary, it seemed as if one might as +well have the greater comfort and independence of this more home-like +arrangement. + +Madame Vauchelet recommended an excellent woman who would cook and +market, and, with Hannah's help, easily do all that was necessary. After +many calculations and consultations with Madame Vauchelet, Hadria +finally decided to rent, for three months, a cheerful little suite of +rooms near the Arc de Triomphe. + +Madame Vauchelet drank a cup of tea in the little _salon_ with quiet +heroism, not liking to refuse Hadria's offer of the friendly beverage. +But she wondered at the powerful physique of the nation that could +submit to the trial daily. + +Hadria was brimming over with pleasure in her new home, which breathed +Paris from every pore. She had already surrounded herself with odds and +ends of her own, with books and a few flowers. If only this venture +turned out well, how delightful would be the next few months. Hadria did +not clearly look beyond that time. To her, it seemed like a century. Her +only idea as to the farther future was an abstract resolve to let +nothing short of absolute compulsion persuade her to renounce her +freedom, or subject herself to conditions that made the pursuit of her +art impossible. How to carry out the resolve, in fact and detail, was a +matter to consider when the time came. If one were to consider future +difficulties as well as deal with immediate ones, into what crannies and +interstices were the affairs of the moment to be crammed? + +There has probably never been a human experience of even a few months of +perfect happiness, of perfect satisfaction with conditions, even among +the few men and women who know how to appreciate the bounty of Fate, +when she is generous, and to take the sting out of minor annoyances by +treating them lightly. Hadria was ready to shrug her shoulders at +legions of these, so long as the main current of her purpose were not +diverted. But she could not steel herself against the letters that she +received from England. + +Everyone was deeply injured but bravely bearing up. Her family was a +stricken and sorrowing family. Being naturally heroic, it said little +but thought the more. Relations whose names Hadria scarcely remembered, +seemed to have waked up at the news of her departure and claimed their +share of the woe. Obscure Temperleys raised astounded heads and +mourned. Henriette wrote that she was really annoyed at the way in which +everybody was talking about Hadria's conduct. It was most uncomfortable. +She hoped Hadria was able to be happy. Hubert was ready to forgive her +and to receive her back, in spite of everything. Henriette entreated her +to return; for her own sake, for Hubert's sake, for the children's. They +were just going off to school, poor little boys. Henriette, although so +happy at the Red House, was terribly grieved at this sad misunderstanding. +It seemed so strange, so distressing. Henriette had thoroughly enjoyed +looking after dear Hubert and the sweet children. They were in splendid +health. She had been very particular about hygiene. Hubert and she had +seen a good deal of the Engletons lately. How charming Lady Engleton was! +So much tact. She was advanced in her ideas, only she never allowed them +to be intrusive. She seemed just like everybody else. She hated to make +herself conspicuous; the very ideal of a true lady, if one might use the +much-abused word. Professor Fortescue was reported to be still far from +well. Professor Theobald had not taken the Priory after all. It was too +large. It looked so deserted and melancholy now. + +Henriette always finished her letters with an entreaty to Hadria to +return. People were talking so. They suspected the truth; although, of +course, one had hoped that the separation would be supposed to be +temporary--as indeed Henriette trusted it would prove. + +Madame Bertaux, who had just returned from England to her beloved Paris, +reported to Hadria, when she called on the latter in her new abode, that +everyone was talking about the affair with as much eagerness as if the +fate of the empire had depended on it. Madame Bertaux recommended +indifference and silence. She observed, in her sharp, good-natured, +impatient way, that reforming confirmed drunkards, converting the +heathen, making saints out of sinners, or a silk purse out of a sow's +ear, would be mere child's play compared with the task of teaching the +average idiot to mind his own business. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV. + + +The new _menage_ went well. Therese was a treasure, and Martha's willing +slave. Expenses were kept fairly reasonable by her care and knowledge. +Still it must not be forgotten that the little income needed supplementing. +Hadria had been aware of this risk from the first, but had faced it, +regarding it as the less perilous of the alternatives that she had to +choose between. The income was small, but it was her own absolutely, and +she must live on that, with such auxiliary sums as she could earn. She +hoped to be able to make a little money by her compositions. The future +was all vague and unknown, but one thing was at least certain: it cost +money to live, and in some way or other it had to be made. She told her +kind friend, Madame Vauchelet, of her plan. Madame Vauchelet consulted her +musical friends. People were sympathetic, but rather vague in their advice. +It was always difficult, this affair. The beginning was hard. M. Thillard, +a kindly, highly-cultivated man of about sixty, who had heard Hadria play, +took great interest in her talent, and busied himself on her behalf. + +He said he would like to interest the great Jouffroy in this work. It +had so distinct and remarkable an individuality that M. Thillard was +sure Jouffroy would be enchanted with it. For himself, he held that it +shewed a development of musical form and expression extremely +remarkable. He could not quite understand it. There was, he knew not +what, in it, of strange and powerful; a music of the North; something of +bizarre, something of mysterious, even of terrible, "_une emotion +epouvantable_," cried M. Thillard, working himself to a climax as the +theme inspired him, "There is genius in that work, but certainly +genius." Madame Vauchelet nodded gravely at this pronouncement. It ought +to be published, she said. But this supreme recompense of genius was +apparently hard to achieve. The score was sent from publisher to +publisher: "from pillar to post," said Hadria, "if one might venture on +a phrase liable to misconstruction on the lips of disappointed +ambition." + +But at the end of a long and wearisome delay, the little packet was +returned in a tattered condition to its discouraged author. M. Thillard +made light of this. It was always thus at first. One must have patience. + +"One must live," said Hadria, "or at least such is the prejudice under +which one has been brought up." + +"All will come," said M. Thillard. "You will see." + +On one sunny afternoon, when Hadria had returned, thrilled and inspired +by a magnificent orchestral performance at the Chatelet, she found +Madame Vauchelet, M. Thillard, and the great Jouffroy waiting in her +_salon_. Jouffroy was small, eccentric, fiery, with keen eager eyes, +thick black hair, and overhanging brows. M. Thillard reminded Madame +Temperley of her kind permission to present to her M. Jouffroy. Madame +Temperley was charmed and flattered by Monsieur's visit. + +It was an exciting afternoon. Madame Vauchelet was eager to hear the +opinion of the great man, and anxious for Hadria to make a good +impression. + +The warm-hearted Frenchwoman, who had lost a daughter, of whom Hadria +reminded her, had been untiring in her kindness, from the first. Madame +Vauchelet, in her young days, had cherished a similar musical ambition, +and Jouffroy always asserted that she might have done great things, as a +performer, had not the cares of a family put an end to all hope of +bringing her gifts to fruition. + +The piano was opened. Jouffroy played. Madame Vauchelet, with her large +veil thrown back, her black cashmere folds falling around her, sat in +the large arm-chair, a dignified and graceful figure, listening gravely. +The kindly, refined face of M. Thillard beamed with enjoyment; an +occasional cry of admiration escaping his lips, at some exquisite touch +from the master. + +The time slipped by, with bewildering rapidity. + +Monsieur Thillard asked if they might be allowed to hear some of +Madame's compositions--those which she had already been so amiable as to +play to him. + +Jouffroy settled himself to listen; his shaggy eyebrows lowering over +his eyes, not in severity but in fixity of attention. Hadria trembled +for a moment, as her hands touched the keys. Jouffroy gave a nod of +satisfaction. If there had been no such quiver of nerves he would have +doubted. So he said afterwards to M. Thillard and Madame Vauchelet. + +After listening, for a time, without moving a muscle, he suddenly sat +bolt upright and looked round at the player. The character of the music, +always individual, had grown more marked, and at this point an effect +was produced which appeared to startle the musician. He withdrew his +gaze, after a moment, muttering something to himself, and resumed his +former attitude, slowly and gravely nodding his head. There was a long +silence after the last of the lingering, questioning notes had died +away. + +"Is Madame prepared for work, for hard, faithful work?" + +The answer was affirmative. She was only too glad to have the chance to +work. + +"Has Madame inexhaustible patience?" + +"In this cause--yes." + +"And can she bear to be misunderstood; to be derided for departure from +old rules and conventions; to have her work despised and refused, and +again refused, till at last the dull ears shall be opened and all the +stupid world shall run shouting to her feet?" + +The colour rushed into Hadria's cheeks. "_Voila!_" exclaimed Madame +Vauchelet. M. Thillard beamed with satisfaction. "Did I not tell you?" + +Jouffroy clapped his friend on the back with enthusiasm. "_Il faut +travailler_," he said, "_mais travailler!_" He questioned Hadria +minutely as to her course of study, approved it on the whole, suggesting +alterations and additions. He asked to look through some more of her +work. + +"_Mon Dieu_," he ejaculated, as his quick eye ran over page after page. + +"If Madame has a character as strong as her genius, her name will one +day be on the lips of all the world." He looked at her searchingly. + +"I knew it!" exclaimed M. Thillard. "_Madame, je vous felicite._" + +"Ah!" cried Jouffroy, with a shake of his black shaggy head, "this is +not a fate to be envied. _C'est dur!_" + +"I am bewildered!" cried Hadria at last, in a voice that seemed to her +to come from somewhere a long way off. The whole scene had acquired the +character of a dream. The figures moved through miles of clear distance. +Her impressions were chaotic. While a strange, deep confirmation of the +musician's words, seemed to stir within her as if they had long been +familiar, her mind entirely refused credence. + +He had gone too far. Had he said a remarkable talent, but---- + +Yet was it not, after all, possible? Nature scattered her gifts wildly +and cruelly: cruelly, because she cared not into what cramped nooks and +crannies she poured her maddening explosive: cruelly, because she hurled +this fire from heaven with indiscriminate hand, to set alight one dared +not guess how many chained martyrs at their stakes. Nature did not pick +and choose the subjects of her wilful ministrations. She seemed to +scatter at random, out of sheer _gaiete de coeur_, as Jouffroy had said, +and if some golden grain chanced to be gleaming in this soul or that, +what cause for astonishment? The rest might be the worst of dross. As +well might the chance occur to one of Nature's children as to another. +She did not bestow even one golden grain for nothing, _bien sur_; she +meant to be paid back with interest. Just one bright bead of the whole +vast circlet of the truth: perhaps it was hers, but more likely that +these kind friends had been misled by their sympathy. + +M. Jouffroy came next day to have a long talk with Hadria about her work +and her methods. He was absolutely confident of what he had said, but he +was emphatic regarding the necessity for work; steady, uninterrupted +work. Everything must be subservient to the one aim. If she contemplated +anything short of complete dedication to her art--well (he shrugged his +shoulders), it would be better to amuse herself. There could be no +half-measures with art. True, there were thousands of people who +practised a little of this and a little of that, but Art would endure no +such disrespect. It was the affair of a lifetime. He had known many +women with great talent, but, alas! they had not persistence. Only last +year a charming, beautiful young woman, with--_mon Dieu!_--a talent that +might have placed her on the topmost rank of singers, had married +against the fervent entreaties of Jouffroy, and now--he shrugged his +shoulders with a gesture of pitying contempt--"_elle est mere tout +simplement_." Her force had gone from herself into the plump infant, +whose "_cris dechirants_" were all that now remained to the world of his +mother's once magnificent voice. _Helas!_ how many brilliant careers had +he not seen ruined by this fatal instinct! Jouffroy's passion for his +art had overcome the usual sentiment of the Frenchman, and even the +strain of Jewish blood. He did not think a woman of genius well lost for +a child. He grudged her to the fetish _la famille_. He went so far as to +say that, even without the claims of genius, a woman ought to be +permitted to please herself in the matter. When he heard that Madame had +two children, and yet had not abandoned her ambition, he nodded gravely +and significantly. + +"But Madame has courage," he commented. "She must have braved much +censure." + +It was the first case of the kind that had come under his notice. He +hoped much from it. His opinion of the sex would depend on Hadria's +power of persistence. In consequence of numberless pupils who had shewn +great promise, and then had satisfied themselves with "a stupid +maternity," Jouffroy was inclined to regard women with contempt, not as +regards their talent, which he declared was often astonishing, but as +regards their persistency of character and purpose. + +One could not rely on them. They had enthusiasm--Oh, but enthusiasm _a +faire peur_, but presently "_un monsieur avec des moustaches +seduisantes_" approaches, and then "_Phui, c'est tout fini!_" There was +something of fatality in the affair. The instinct was terrible; a +demoniacal possession. It was for women a veritable curse, a disease. M. +Jouffroy had pronounced views on the subject. He regarded the maternal +instinct as the scourge of genius. It was, for women, the devil's +truncheon, his rod of empire. This "reproductive rage" held them--in +spite of all their fine intuitions and astonishing ability--after all on +the animal plane; cut them off from the little band of those who could +break up new ground in human knowledge, and explore new heights of Art +and Nature. + +"I speak to you thus, Madame, not because I think little of your sex, +but because I grudge them to the monster who will not spare us even +one!" + +Hadria worked with sufficient energy to please even Jouffroy. Her heart +was in it, and her progress rapid. Everything was organized, in her +life, for the one object. At the School of Music, she was in an +atmosphere of work, everyone being bent on the same goal, each detail +arranged to further the students in their efforts. It was like walking +on a pavement after struggling uphill on loose sand; like breathing +sea-breezes after inhaling a polluted atmosphere. + +In old days, Hadria used to be haunted by a singular recurrent +nightmare: that she was toiling up a steep mountain made of hard +slippery rock, the summit always receding as she advanced. Behind her +was a vast precipice down which she must fall if she lost her footing; +and always, she saw hands without bodies attached to them placing stones +in the path, so that they rolled down and had to be evaded at the peril +of her life. And each time, after one set of stones was evaded, and she +thought there would be a time of respite, another batch was set rolling, +amid thin, scarcely audible laughter, which came on the storm-wind that +blew precipice-wards across the mountain; and invariably she awoke just +as a final avalanche of cruel stones had sent her reeling over the +hideous verge. + +One is disposed to make light of the sufferings gone through in a dream, +though it would trouble most of us to explain why, since the agony of +mind is often as extreme as possibly could be endured in actual life. +From the day of her arrival in Paris, Hadria was never again tormented +with this nightmare. + +Composition went on rapidly now. Soon there was a little pile of new +work for M. Jouffroy's inspection. He was delighted, criticizing +severely, but always encouraging to fresh efforts. As for the +publishing, that was a different matter. In spite of M. Jouffroy's +recommendation, publishers could not venture on anything of a character +so unpopular. The music had merit, but it was eccentric. M. Jouffroy was +angry. He declared that he would play something of Madame's at the next +Chatelet concert. There would be opposition, but he would carry his +point. And he did. But the audience received it very coldly. Although +Hadria had expected such a reception, she felt a chill run through her, +and a sinking of the heart. It was like a cold word that rebuffs an +offer of sympathy, or an appeal for it. It sent her back into depths of +loneliness, and reminded her how cut off she was from the great majority +of her fellows, after all. And then Guy de Maupassant's dreadful +"Solitude" came to her memory. There is no way (the hero of the sketch +asserts) by which a man can break the eternal loneliness to which he is +foredoomed. He cannot convey to others his real impressions or emotion, +try as he may. By a series of assertions, hard to deny, the hero arrives +at a terrible conclusion amounting to this: Art, affection, are in +vain; we know not what we say, nor whom we love. + +Jouffroy came out of the theatre, snorting and ruffled. + +"But they are imbeciles, all!" + +Hadria thought that perhaps _she_ was the "imbecile"; it was a +possibility to be counted with, but she dared not say so to the irate +Jouffroy. + +He was particularly angry, because the audience had confirmed his own +fear that only very slowly would the quality of the music be recognized +by even the more cultivated public. It had invaded fresh territory, he +said, added to the range of expression, and was meanwhile a new language +to casual listeners. It was rebel music, offensive to the orthodox. +Hubert had always said that "it was out of the question," and he +appeared to have been right. + +"_Bah, ce ne sont que des moutons!_" exclaimed Jouffroy. If the work had +been poorer, less original, there would not have been this trouble. Was +there not some other method by which Madame could earn what was +necessary, _en attendent_? + +In one of Professor Fortescue's letters, he had reminded Hadria of his +eagerness to help her. Yet, what could he do? He had influence in the +world of science, but Hadria could not produce anything scientific! She +bethought her of trying to write light descriptive articles, of a kind +depending not so much on literary skill as on subject and epistolary +freshness of touch. These she sent to the Professor, not without +reluctance, knowing how overburdened he already was with work and with +applications for help and advice. He approved of her idea, and advised +the articles being sent the round of the magazines and papers. + +Through his influence, one of the shorter articles was accepted, and +Hadria felt encouraged. Her day was now very full. The new art was +laborious, severely simple in character, though she studiously made her +articles. Her acquaintances had multiplied very rapidly of late, and +although this brought into her experience much that was pleasant and +interesting, the demands of an enlarging circle swallowed an +astonishing number of hours. An element of trouble had begun to come +into the life that had been so full of serenity, as well as of regular +and strenuous work. Hadria was already feeling the effects of anxiety +and hurry. She had not come with untried powers to the fray. The reserve +forces had long ago been sapped, in the early struggles, beginning in +her girlhood and continuing at increasing pressure ever since. There was +only enough nerve-force to enable one to live from hand to mouth. +Expenditure of this force having been so often in excess of income, +economy had become imperative. Yet, economy was difficult. M. Jouffroy +was always spurring her to work, to throw over everything for this +object; letters from England incessantly urged a very different course; +friends in Paris pressed her to visit them, to accompany them hither and +thither, to join musical parties, to compose little songs (some +bagatelle in celebration of a birthday or wedding), to drive to the +further end of the town to play to this person or that who had heard of +Madame's great talent. Hadria was glad to do anything she could to +express her gratitude for the kindness she had received on all hands, +but, alas! there were only a certain number of hours in the day, and +only a certain number of years in one's life, and art was long. +Moreover, nerves were awkward things to play with. + +Insidiously, treacherously, difficulties crept up. Even here, where she +seemed so free, the peculiar claims that are made, by common consent, on +a woman's time and strength began to weave their tiny cords around her. +She took warning, and put an end to any voluntary increase of her +circle, but the step had been taken a little too late. The mischief was +done. To give pain or offence for the sake of an hour or two, more or +less, seemed cruel and selfish, yet Hadria often longed for the +privilege that every man enjoys, of quietly pursuing his work without +giving either. + +A disastrous sense of hurry and fatigue began to oppress her. This was +becoming serious. She must make a stand. Yet her attempts at +explanation were generally taken as polite excuses for neglecting those +who had been kind and cordial. + +Jouffroy taxed her with looking tired. One must not be tired. One must +arrange the time so as to secure ample rest and recreation after the +real work was over. Women were so foolish in that way. They did +everything feverishly. They imagined themselves to have inexhaustible +nerves. + +Hadria hinted that it was perhaps others who demanded of them what was +possible only to inexhaustible nerves. + +True; towards women, people behaved as idiots. How was it possible to +produce one's best, if repose were lacking? Serenity was necessary for +all production. + +As well expect water perpetually agitated to freeze, as expect the +crystals of the mind to produce themselves under the influence of +incessant disturbance. + +Work? Yes. Work never harmed any man or woman. It was harassment that +killed. Work of the mind, of the artistic powers, that was a tonic to +the whole being. But little distractions, irregular duties, worries, +uncertainties--Jouffroy shook his head ominously. And not only to the +artist were they fatal. It was these that drew such deep lines on the +faces of women still young. It was these that destroyed ability and +hope, and killed God only knew how many of His good gifts! Poverty: that +could be endured with all its difficulties, if that were the one +anxiety. It was never the _one_ but the multitude of troubles that +destroyed. Serenity there must be. A man knew that, and insisted on +having it. Friends were no true friends if they robbed one of it. For +him, he had a poor opinion of that which people called affection, +regard. As for _l'amour_, that was the supreme egotism. The affections +were simply a means to "make oneself paid." Affection! Bah! One did not +offer it for nothing, _bien sur_! It was through this insufferable +pretext that one arrived at governing others. "_Comment?_ Your presence +can give me happiness, and you will not remain always beside me? It is +nothing to you how I suffer? To me whom you love you refuse this small +demand?" Jouffroy opened his eyes, with a scornful glare. "It is in +_that_ fashion, I promise you, that one can rule!" + +"Ah, monsieur," said Hadria, "you are a keen observer. How I wish you +could live a woman's life for a short time. You are wise now, but after +_that_----" + +"Madame, I have sinned in my day, perhaps to merit purgatorial fires; +but, without false modesty, I do not think that I have justly incurred +the penalty you propose to me." + +Hadria laughed. "It would be a strange piece of poetic justice," she +said, "if all the men who have sinned beyond forgiveness in this +incarnation, should be doomed to appear in the next, as well-brought-up +women." + +Jouffroy smiled. + +"Fancy some conquering hero reappearing in ringlets and mittens, as +one's maiden aunt." + +Jouffroy grinned. "_Ce serait dur!_" + +"_Ah, mon Dieu!_" cried Madame Vauchelet, "if men had to endure in the +next world that which they have made women suffer in this--that would be +an atrocious justice!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV. + + +Stubbornly Hadria sent her packets to the publishers; the publishers as +firmly returned them. She had two sets flying now, like tennis balls, +she wrote to Miss Du Prel: one set across the Channel. The publishers, +she feared, played the best game, but she had the English quality of not +knowing when she was beaten. Valeria had succeeded in finding a place +for two of the articles. This was encouraging, but funds were running +alarmingly low. + +The _apartement_ would have either to be given up, or to be taken on for +another term, at the end of the week. A decision must be made. Hadria +was dismayed to find her strength beginning to fail. That made the +thought of the future alarming. With health and vigour nothing seemed +impossible, but without that---- + +It seemed absurd that there should be so much difficulty about earning a +living. Other women had done it. Valeria had always made light of the +matter--when she had the theory of the sovereignty of the will to +support. + +Another couple of articles which seemed to their creator to possess +popular qualities were sent off. + +But after a weary delay, they shared the fate of their predecessors. +Hadria now moved into a smaller suite of rooms, parting regretfully with +Therese, and flinging herself once more on the mercy of a landlady. This +time M. Thillard had discovered the lodging for her; a shabby, but sunny +little house, kept by a motherly woman with a reputation for perfect +honesty. Expenses were thus kept down, but unhappily very little was +coming in to meet them. It was impossible to pull through the year at +this rate. But, of course, there was daily hope of something turning up. +The arrival of the post was always an exciting moment. At last Hadria +wrote to ask Algitha to try and sell for her a spray of diamonds, worth +about eighty pounds. + +Time must be gained, at all hazards. Algitha tried everywhere, and +enquired in all directions, but could not get more than five-and-twenty +pounds for it. She felt anxious about her sister, and thought of coming +over to Paris to see her, in order to talk over some matters that could +no longer be kept out of sight. + +Algitha had wished to give Hadria an opportunity for work and rest, and +to avoid recurrence of worry; but it was no longer possible or fair to +conceal the fact that there were troubles looming ahead, at Dunaghee. +Their father had suffered several severe losses through some bank +failures; and now that wretched company in which he had always had such +faith appeared to be shaky, and if that were also to smash, the state of +affairs would be desperate. Their father, in his optimistic fashion, +still believed that the company would pull through. Of course all this +anxiety was telling seriously on their mother. And, alas! she had been +fretting very much about Hadria. After Algitha's misdeed, this second +blow struck hard. + +One must act on one's own convictions and not on those of somebody else, +however beloved that other person might be, but truly the penalty of +daring to take an independent line of action was almost unbearably +severe. It really seemed, at times, as if there were nothing for it but +to fold one's hands and do exactly as one was bid. Algitha was beginning +to wonder whether her own revolt was about to be expiated by a life-long +remorse! + +"Ah, if mother had only not sacrificed herself for us, how infinitely +grateful I should feel to her now! What sympathy there might have been +between us all! If she had but given herself a chance, how she might +have helped us, and what a friend she might have been to us, and we to +her! But she would not." + +Algitha said that her mother evidently felt Hadria's departure as a +disgrace to the family. It was pathetic to hear her trying to answer +people's casual questions about her, so as to conceal the facts without +telling an untruth. Hadria was overwhelmed by this letter. Her first +impulse was to pack up and go straight to Dunaghee. But as Algitha was +there now, this seemed useless, at any rate for the present. And ought +she after all to abandon her project, for which so much had been risked, +so much pain inflicted? The question that she and Algitha thought they +had decided long ago, began to beat again at the door of her conscience +and her pity. Her reason still asserted that the suffering which people +entail upon themselves, through a frustrated desire to force their own +law of conduct on others, must be borne by themselves, as the penalty of +their own tyrannous instinct and of their own narrow thought. It was +utterly unfair to thrust that natural penalty of prejudice and of +self-neglect on to the shoulders of others. Why should they be protected +from the appointed punishment, by the offering of another life on the +altar of their prejudice? Why should such a sacrifice be made in order +to gratify their tyrannical desire to dictate? It was not fair, it was +not reasonable. + +Yet this conclusion of the intellect did not prevent the pain of pity +and compunction, nor an inconsequent sense of guilt. + +Meanwhile it would be best, perhaps, to await Algitha's arrival, when +affairs might be in a less uncertain state. All decision must be +postponed till then. "Try and come soon," she wrote to her sister. + +To add to the anxieties of the moment, little Martha seemed to lose in +energy since coming to the new abode, and Hadria began to fear that the +house was not quite healthy. It was very cheap, and the landlady was +honest, but if it had this serious drawback, another move, with probably +another drawback, seemed to threaten. This was particularly troublesome, +for who could tell how long it would be possible to remain in Paris? +Hadria thought of the doctrine of the sovereignty of the will, and of +all the grand and noble things that the Preposterous Society had said +about it, not to mention Emerson and others--and she smiled. + +However, she worked on, putting aside her anxieties, as far as was +possible. She would not fail for lack of will, at any rate. But it was a +hard struggle. Martha had to be very carefully watched just now. + +Happily, after a few anxious days, she began to recover her fresh colour +and her high spirits. The move would not be necessary, after all. Hadria +had become more and more attached to the child, whose lovable qualities +developed with her growth. She was becoming singularly like her unhappy +mother, in feature and in colouring. Her eyes were large and blue and +sweet, with a little touch of pathos in them that Hadria could not bear +to see. It seemed almost like the after-glow of the mother's suffering. + +Although adding to Hadria's anxieties, the child gave a sense of +freshness and youth to the little _menage_. She made the anxieties +easier to bear. + +Hadria came in, one morning, from her work, tired and full of +foreboding. Hat and cloak were laid aside, and she sank into an +arm-chair, lying back to lazily watch the efforts of the child to +overturn the obstinate blue man, who was still the favourite plaything, +perhaps because he was less amenable than the rest. + +Martha looked up for sympathy. She wished to be helped in her persistent +efforts to get the better of this upstart blue man with the red cap, who +serenely resumed his erect position just as often as he was forced to +the ground. He was a stout, healthy-looking person, inclining to +_embonpoint_; bound to succeed, if only from sheer solidity of person. +Hadria was drawn into the game, and the two spent a good half hour on +the rug together, playing with that and other toys which Martha toddled +off to the cupboard to collect. The child was in great delight. Hadria +was playing with her; she liked that better than having Jean Paul +Auguste to play with. He took her toys away and always wanted to play a +different game. + +The clock struck two. Hadria felt that she ought to go and see Madame +Vauchelet; it was more than a week since she had called, and the kind +old friend was always gently pained at an absence of that length. + +Then there was an article to finish, and she ought really to write to +Dunaghee and Henriette and--well the rest must wait. Several other calls +were also more than due, but it was useless even to consider those +to-day. In spite of an oppressive sense of having much to do--perhaps +_because_ of it--Hadria felt as if it were a sheer impossibility to rise +from that hearthrug. Besides, Martha would not hear of it. A desire to +rest, to idle, to float down the stream, instead of trying always to +swim against it, became overpowering. The minutes passed away. + +"The question is, Martha," Hadria said gravely, as she proceeded to pile +up a towering edifice of bricks, at the child's command, "the question +is: Are we going to stick to our plan, or are we going to be beaten? Oh, +take care, don't pull down the fairy palace! That is a bad trick that +little fingers have. No, no, I must have my fairy palace; I won't have +it pulled down. It is getting so fine, too; minarets and towers, and +domes and pinnacles, all mixed beautifully. Such an architecture as you +never saw! But some day perhaps you will see it. Those blue eyes look as +if they were made for seeing it, in the time to come." + +"Pretty eyes!" said Martha with frank vanity, and then: "Pretty house!" + +"It is indeed a pretty house; they all are. But they are so horribly +shaky. The minarets are top-heavy, I fear. That's the fault of the +makers of these bricks. They ought to make the solid ones in proper +proportion. But they can't be persuaded." + +"Knock it down," said Martha, thrusting forth a mischievous hand, which +was caught in time to prevent entire destruction of the precious +edifice. Half the minarets had fallen. + +"They must go up again," said Hadria. "How cruel to spoil all the work +and all the beauty." But Martha laughed with the delight of easy +conquest. + +She watched with great interest the reconstruction, and seemed anxious +that every detail should be finished and worthy her iconoclasm. Having +satisfied herself that her strength would not be wasted on an incomplete +object, she made a second attempt to lay the palace low. Again she was +frustrated. The building had soared, by this time, to an ambitious +height, and its splendour had reached the limits of the materials at +command. The final pinnacle which was required to cope the structure had +been mislaid. Hadria was searching for it, when Martha, seizing her +chance, struck the palace a blow in its very heart, and in an instant, +the whole was a wreck. + +"Oh, if that is to be the way of it, why should I build?" asked Hadria. + +Martha gave the command for another ornamental object which she might +destroy. + +"One would suppose you were a County-Council," Hadria exclaimed, "or the +practical man. No, you shall have no more beauty to annihilate, little +Vandal." + +Martha, however, was now engaged in dissecting a doll, and presently a +stream of sawdust from its chest announced that she had accomplished her +dearest desire. She had found out what was inside that human effigy. + +"I wish I could get at the sawdust that _I_ am stuffed with," Hadria +thought dreamily, as she watched the doll grow flabbier. "It is +wonderful how little one does know one's own sawdust. It would be +convenient to feel a little surer just now, for evidently I shall need +it all very soon. And I feel somewhat like that doll, with the stream +pouring out and the body getting limp." + +She rose at last, and went to the window. The radiance of sun and green +trees and the stir of human life; the rumble of omnibuses and the sound +of wheels; the suggestion to the imagination of the river just a little +way off, and the merry little _bateaux-mouches_--it was too much. Hadria +rang for Hannah; asked her to take the child for a walk in the Bois, +stooped down to kiss the little upturned face, and went off. + +In another ten minutes she was on board one of the steamboats, on her +way up the river. + +She had no idea whither she was going; she would leave that to chance. +She only desired to feel the air and the sun and have an opportunity to +think. She soothed her uneasiness at the thought of Madame Vauchelet's +disappointment by promising herself to call to-morrow. She sat watching +the boats and the water and the gay banks of the river with a sense of +relief, and a curious sort of fatalism, partly suggested perhaps, by the +persistent movement of the boat, and the interminable succession of new +scenes, all bubbling with human life, full of the traces of past events. +One layer of consciousness was busily engaged in thinking out the +practical considerations of the moment, another was equally busy with +the objective and picturesque world of the river side. If the two or +more threads of thought were not actually followed at the same instant, +the alternation was so rapid as not to be perceived. What was to be +done? How was the situation to be met, if the worst came to the worst? +Ah! what far harder contests had gone on in these dwellings that one +passed by the hundred. What lives of sordid toil had been struggled +through, in the effort to earn the privilege of continuing to toil! + +Hadria was inspired by keen curiosity concerning these homes and +gardens, and the whole panorama that opened before her, as the little +steamer puffed up the river. She longed to penetrate below the surface +and decipher the strange palimpsest of human life. What scenes, what +tragedies, what comedies, those bright houses and demure little villas +concealed. It was not exactly consoling to remember how small her own +immediate difficulties were in comparison to those of others, but it +seemed to help her to face them. She would not be discouraged. She had +her liberty, and that had to be paid for. Surely patience would prevail +in the end. She had learnt so much since she left home; among other +things, the habit of facing practical difficulties without that dismay +which carefully-nurtured women inevitably feel on their first movement +out of shelter. Yes, she had learnt much, surprisingly much, in the +short time. Her new knowledge contained perhaps rather dangerous +elements, for she had begun to realize her own power, not only as an +artist, but as a woman. In this direction, had she so chosen.... Her +thoughts were arrested at this point, with a wrench. She felt the +temptation assail her, as of late it had been assailing her faintly, to +explore this territory. + +But no, that was preposterous. + +It was certainly not that she regarded herself as accountable, in this +matter, to any one but herself; it was not that she acknowledged the +suzerainty of her husband. A mere legal claim meant nothing to her, and +he knew it. But there were moral perils of no light kind to be guarded +against; the danger such as a gambler runs, of being drawn away from the +real objects of life, of losing hold of one's main purpose, to say +nothing of the probable moral degeneration that would result from such +experiment. Yet there was no blinking the fact that the desire had been +growing in Hadria to test her powers of attraction to the utmost, so as +to discover exactly their range and calibre. She felt rather as a boy +might feel who had come upon a cask of gunpowder, and longed to set a +match to it, just to see exactly how high it would blow off the roof. +She had kept the growing instincts at bay, being determined that nothing +avoidable should come between her and her purpose. And then--well +considering in what light most men, in their hearts, regarded women--if +one might judge from their laws and their conduct and their literature, +and the society that they had organized--admiration from this sex was a +thing scarcely to be endured. Yet superficially, it was gratifying. + +Why it should be so, was difficult to say, since it scarcely imposed +upon one's very vanity. Yet it was easy enough to understand how women +who had no very dominant interest in life, might come to have a thirst +for masculine homage and for power over men till it became like the +gambler's passion for play; and surely it had something in it of the +same character. + +The steamer was stopping now at St. Cloud. Yielding to an impulse, +Hadria alighted at the landing-stage and walked on through the little +town towards the palace. + +The sun was deliciously hot; its rays struck through to the skin, and +seemed to pour in life and well-being. The wayfarer stood looking up the +steep green avenue, resting for a moment, before she began the ascent. +At the top of the hill she paused again to look out over Paris, which +lay spread far and wide beneath her, glittering and brilliant; the +Eiffel Tower rising above domes and spires, in solitary inconsequence. +It seemed to her as if she were looking upon the world and upon life, +for the last time. A few weeks hence, would she be able to stand there +and see the gay city at her feet? She plunged back along one of the +converging avenues, yielding to the fascination of green alleys leading +one knows not whither. Wandering on for some time, she finally drifted +down hill again, towards the stately little garden near the palace. She +was surprised by a hurrying step behind her, and Jouffroy's voice in her +ear. She was about to greet him in her usual fashion, when he stopped +her by plunging head foremost into a startling tirade--about her art, +and her country, and her genius, and his despair; and finally his +resolve that she should not belong to the accursed list of women who +gave up their art for "_la famille_." + +The more Hadria tried to discover what had happened and what he meant, +the faster he spoke and the more wildly he gesticulated. + +He had seen how she was drifting away from her work and becoming +entangled in little affairs of no importance, and he would not permit +it. He cared not what her circumstances might be; she had a great talent +that she had no right to sacrifice to any circumstances whatever. He +had come to save her. Not finding her at her _apartement_, he had +concluded that she had taken refuge at her beloved St. Cloud. _Mon +Dieu!_ was he to allow her to be taken away from her work, dragged back +to a narrow circle, crushed, broken, ruined--she who could give such a +sublime gift to her century--but it was impossible! It would tear his +heart. He would not permit it; she must promise him not to allow herself +to be persuaded to abandon her purpose, no matter on what pretext they +tried to lure her. Hadria, in vain, enquired the cause of this sudden +excitement. Jouffroy only repeated his exhortations. Why did she not cut +herself entirely adrift from her country, her ties? + +"They are to you, Madame, an oppression, a weariness, a----" + +"M. Jouffroy, I have never spoken to you about these things. I cannot +see how you are in a position to judge." + +"Ah, but I know. Have I not heard _cette chere Madame Bertaux_ describe +the life of an English village? And have I not seen----?" + +"Seen what?" + +"_Cette dame._ I have seen her at your apartment this afternoon. Do not +annihilate me, Madame; I mean not to offend you. The lady has come from +England on purpose to entrap you; she came last night, and she stays at +the Hotel du Louvre. She spoke to me of you." Jouffroy raised his hands +to heaven. "Ha! then I understood, and I fled hither to save you." + +"Tell me, tell me quickly, Monsieur, has she fair hair and large grey +eyes. Is she tall?" + +No, the lady was small, with dark hair, and brown, clever eyes. + +"A lady, elegant, well-dressed, but, ah! a woman to destroy the soul of +an artist merely by her presence. I told her that you had decided to +remain in France, to adopt it as your country, for it was the country of +your soul!" + +"Good heavens!" exclaimed Hadria, unable to repress a little burst of +laughter, in spite of her disappointment and foreboding. + +"I told her that your friends would not let you go back to England, to +the land of fogs, the land of the _bourgeois_. The lady seemed +astonished, even indignant," continued Jouffroy, waving his hands +excitedly, "and she endeavoured to make me silent, but she did not have +success, I promise you. I appealed to her. I pointed out to her your +unique power. I reminded her that such power is a gift supreme to the +world, which the world must not lose. For the making of little ones and +the care of the _menage_, there were other women, but you--you were a +priestess in the temple of art, you were without prejudice, without the +_bourgeois_ conscience, _grace au ciel!_ you had the religion of the +artist, and your worship was paid at the shrine of Apollo. _Enfin_, I +counselled this elegant lady to return to England and to leave you in +peace. Always with a perfect politeness," added Jouffroy, panting from +excess of emotion. Hadria tried in vain to gather the object of this +sudden visit on the part of Henriette (for Henriette the elegant lady +must certainly be). + +"I must return at once," she said. "I fear something must have gone +wrong at home." Jouffroy danced with fury. + +"But I tell you, Madame, that she will drag you back to your fogs; she +will tell you some foolish story, she will address herself to your pity. +Your family has doubtless become ill. Families have that habit when they +desire to achieve something. Bah, it is easy to become ill when one is +angry, and so to make oneself pitied and obeyed. It is a common usage. +Madame, beware; it is for you the critical moment. One must choose." + +"It is not always a matter of choice, M. Jouffroy." + +"Always," he insisted. He endeavoured to induce her to linger, to make a +decision on the spot. But Hadria hastened on towards the river. Jouffroy +followed in despair. He ceased not to urge upon her the peril of the +moment and the need for resolute action. He promised to help her by +every means in his power, to watch over her career, to assist her in +bringing her gift to maturity. Never before had he felt a faith so +profound, or an interest so fervid in the genius of any woman. One had, +after all, regarded them ("les femmes") as accomplished animals. + +"But of whom one demands the duties of human beings and the courage of +heroes," added Hadria. + +"_Justement_," cried Jouffroy. But Madame had taught him a superb truth. +For her, he felt a sentiment of admiration and reverence the most +profound. She had been to him a revelation. He entreated her to bestow +upon him the privilege of watching over her career. Let her only make +the wise decision now, everything would arrange itself. It needed only +courage. + +"This is the moment for decision. Remain now among us, and pursue your +studies with a calm mind, and I promise you--I, Jouffroy, who have the +right to speak on this matter--I promise you shall have a success beyond +the wildest dreams of your ambition. Madame, you do not guess your own +power. I know how your genius can be saved to the world; I know the +artist's nature. Have I not had the experience of twenty years? I know +what feeds and rouses it, and I know what kills it. And this I tell you, +Madame, that if you stay here, you have a stupendous future before you; +if you return to your fogs and your tea-parties--ah, then, Madame, your +genius will die and your heart will be broken." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI. + + +It was with great reluctance that Jouffroy acceded to Hadria's wish to +return home alone. She watched the river banks, and the boats coming and +passing, with a look of farewell in her eyes. She meant to hold out to +the utmost limits of the possible, but she knew that the possible _had_ +limits, and she awaited judgment at the bar of destiny. + +She hurried home on arriving at the quay, and found Henriette waiting +for her. + +"What is it? Tell me at once, if anything is wrong." + +"Then you knew I was here!" exclaimed Miss Temperley. + +"Yes; M. Jouffroy told me. He found me at St. Cloud. Quick, Henriette, +don't keep me in suspense." + +"There is nothing of immediate seriousness," Henriette replied, and her +sister-in-law drew a breath of relief. Tea was brought in by Hannah, and +a few questions were asked and answered. Miss Temperley having been +installed in an easy chair, and her cloak and hat removed, said that her +stay in Paris was uncertain as to length. It would depend on many +things. Hadria rang for the tray to be taken away, after tea was over, +and as Hannah closed the door, a sensation of sick apprehension overcame +her, for a moment. Henriette had obviously come to Paris in order to +recapture the fugitive, and meant to employ all her tact in the delicate +mission. She was devoted to Hubert and the children, heart and soul, and +would face anything on their behalf, including the present disagreeable +task. Hadria looked at her sister-in-law with admiration. She offered +homage to the prowess of the enemy. + +Miss Temperley held a commanding position, fortified by ideas and +customs centuries old, and supported by allies on every side. + +It ran through Hadria's mind that it was possible to refuse to allow the +subject to be broached, and thus escape the encounter altogether. It +would save many words on both sides. But Henriette had always been in +Hubert's confidence, and it occurred to Hadria that it might be well to +define her own position once more, since it was thus about to be +directly and frankly attacked. Moreover, Hadria began to be fired with +the spirit of battle. It was not merely for herself, but on behalf of +her sex, that she longed to repudiate the insult that seemed to her, to +be involved in Henriette's whole philosophy. + +However, if the enemy shewed no signs of hostility, Hadria resolved that +she also would keep the truce. + +Miss Temperley had already mentioned that Mrs. Fullerton was now staying +at the Red House, for change of air. She had been far from well, and of +course was worrying very much over these money troubles and perils +ahead, as well as about Hadria's present action. Mrs. Fullerton had +herself suggested that Henriette should go over to Paris to see what +could be done to patch up the quarrel. + +"Ah!" exclaimed Hadria, and a cloud settled on her brow. Henriette had +indeed come armed _cap a pie!_ + +There was a significant pause. "And your mission," said Hadria at +length, "is to recapture the lost bird." + +"We are considering your own good," murmured Miss Temperley. + +"If I have not always done what I ought to have done in my life, it is +not for want of guidance and advice from others," said Hadria with a +smile and a sigh. + +"You are giving everyone so much pain, Hadria. Do you never think of +that?" + +There was another long pause. The two women sat opposite one another. +Miss Temperley's eyes were bent on the carpet; Hadria's on a patch of +blue sky that could be seen through a side street, opposite. + +"If you would use your ability on behalf of your sex instead of against +it, Henriette, women would have cause to bless you, for all time!" + +"Ah! if you did but know it, I _am_ using what ability I have on their +behalf," Miss Temperley replied. "I am trying to keep them true to their +noble mission. But I did not come to discuss general questions. I came +to appeal to your best self, Hadria." + +"I am ready," said Hadria. "Only, before you start, I want you to +remember clearly what took place at Dunaghee before my marriage; for I +foresee that our disagreement will chiefly hang upon your lapse of +memory on that point, and upon my perhaps inconveniently distinct +recollection of those events." + +"I wish to lay before you certain facts and certain results of your +present conduct," said Henriette. + +"Very good. I wish to lay before you certain facts and certain results +of your past conduct." + +"Ah! do not let us wrangle, Hadria." + +"I don't wish to wrangle, but I must keep hold of these threads that you +seem always to drop. And then there is another point: when I talked of +leaving home, it was not _I_ who suggested that it should be for ever." + +"I know, I know," cried Henriette hastily. "I have again and again +pointed out to Hubert how wrong he was in that, and how he gave you a +pretext for what you have done. I admit it and regret it deeply. Hubert +lost his temper; that is the fact of the matter. He thought himself +bitterly wronged by you." + +"Quite so; he felt it a bitter wrong that I should claim that liberty of +action which I warned him before our marriage that I _should_ claim. He +made no objection _then_: on the contrary, he professed to agree with +me; and declared that he did not care what I might think; but now he +says that in acting as I have acted, I have forfeited my position, and +need not return to the Red House." + +"I know. But he spoke in great haste and anger. He has made me his +_confidante_." + +"And his ambassador?" + +Henriette shook her head. No; she had acted entirely on her own +responsibility. She could not bear to see her brother suffering. He had +felt the quarrel deeply. + +"On account of the stupid talk," said Hadria. "_That_ will soon blow +over." + +"On account of the talk partly. You know his sensitiveness about +anything that concerns his domestic life. He acutely feels your leaving +the children, Hadria. Try to put yourself in his place. Would _you_ not +feel it?" + +"If I were a man with two children of whom I was extremely fond, I have +no doubt that I should feel it very much indeed if I lost an intelligent +and trustworthy superintendent, whose services assured the children's +welfare, and relieved me of all anxiety on their account." + +"If you are going to take this hard tone, Hadria, I fear you will never +listen to reason." + +"Henriette, when people look popular sentiments squarely in the face, +they are always called hard, or worse. You have kept yourself thoroughly +informed of our affairs. Whose parental sentiments were gratified by the +advent of those children--Hubert's or mine?" + +"But you are a mother." + +Hadria laughed. "You play into my hands, Henriette. You tacitly +acknowledge that it was not for _my_ gratification that those children +were brought into the world (a common story, let me observe), and then +you remind me that I am a mother! Your mentor must indeed be slumbering. +You are simply scathing--on my behalf! Have you come all the way from +England for this?" + +"You _won't_ understand. I mean that motherhood has duties. You can't +deny that." + +"I can and I do." + +Miss Temperley stared. "You will find no human being to agree with you," +she said at length. + +"That does not alter my opinion." + +"Oh, Hadria, explain yourself! You utter paradoxes. I want to understand +your point of view." + +"It is simple enough. I deny that motherhood has duties except when it +is absolutely free, absolutely uninfluenced by the pressure of opinion, +or by any of the innumerable tyrannies that most children have now to +thank for their existence." + +Miss Temperley shook her head. "I don't see that any 'tyranny,' as you +call it, exonerates a mother from her duty to her child." + +"There we differ. Motherhood, in our present social state, is the sign +and seal as well as the means and method of a woman's bondage. It forges +chains of her own flesh and blood; it weaves cords of her own love and +instinct. She agonizes, and the fruit of her agony is not even legally +hers. Name me a position more abject! A woman with a child in her arms +is, to me, the symbol of an abasement, an indignity, more complete, more +disfiguring and terrible, than any form of humiliation that the world +has ever seen." + +"You must be mad!" exclaimed Miss Temperley. "That symbol has stood to +the world for all that is sweetest and holiest." + +"I know it has! So profound has been our humiliation!" + +"I don't know what to say to anyone so wrong-headed and so twisted in +sentiment." + +Hadria smiled thoughtfully. + +"While I am about it, I may as well finish this disclosure of feeling, +which, again I warn you, is _not_ peculiar to myself, however you may +lay that flattering unction to your soul. I have seen and heard of many +a saddening evidence of our sex's slavery since I came to this terrible +and wonderful city: the crude, obvious buying and selling that we all +shudder at; but hideous as it is, to me it is far less awful than this +other respectable form of degradation that everyone glows and smirks +over." + +Miss Temperley clasped her hands in despair. + +"I simply can't understand you. What you say is rank heresy against all +that is most beautiful in human nature." + +"Surely the rank heresy is to be laid at the door of those who degrade +and enslave that which they assert to be most beautiful in human nature. +But I am not speaking to convince; merely to shew where you cannot count +upon me for a point of attack. Try something else." + +"But it is so strange, so insane, as it seems to me. Do you mean to +throw contempt on motherhood _per se_?" + +"I am not discussing motherhood _per se_; no woman has yet been in a +position to know what it is _per se_, strange as it may appear. No woman +has yet experienced it apart from the enormous pressure of law and +opinion that has, always, formed part of its inevitable conditions. The +illegal mother is hounded by her fellows in one direction; the legal +mother is urged and incited in another: free motherhood is unknown +amongst us. I speak of it as it is. To speak of it _per se_, for the +present, is to discuss the transcendental." + +There was a moment's excited pause, and Hadria then went on more +rapidly. "You know well enough, Henriette, what thousands of women there +are to whom the birth of their children is an intolerable burden, and a +fierce misery from which many would gladly seek escape by death. And +indeed many _do_ seek escape by death. What is the use of this eternal +conspiracy of silence about that which every woman out of her teens +knows as well as she knows her own name?" + +But Henriette preferred to ignore that side of her experience. She +murmured something about the maternal instinct, and its potency. + +"I don't deny the potency of the instinct," said Hadria, "but I do say +that it is shamefully presumed upon. Strong it obviously must be, if +industrious cultivation and encouragements and threats and exhortations +can make it so! All the Past as well as all the weight of opinion and +training in the Present has been at work on it, thrusting and alluring +and coercing the woman to her man-allotted fate." + +"_Nature_-allotted, if you please," said Henriette. "There is no need +for alluring or coercing." + +"Why do it then? Now, be frank, Henriette, and try not to be offended. +Would _you_ feel no sense of indignity in performing a function of this +sort (however noble and so on you might think it _per se_), if you knew +that it would be demanded of you as a duty, if you did not welcome it as +a joy?" + +"I should acknowledge it as a duty, if I did not welcome it as a joy." + +"In other words, you would accept the position of a slave." + +"How so?" + +"By bartering your womanhood, by using these powers of body, in return +for food and shelter and social favour, or for the sake of so-called +'duty' irrespective of--perhaps in direct opposition to your feelings. +How then do you differ from the slave woman who produces a progeny of +young slaves, to be disposed of as shall seem good to her perhaps +indulgent master? I see no essential difference." + +"I see the difference between honour and ignominy," said Henriette. +Hadria shook her head, sadly. + +"The differences are all in detail and in circumstance. I am sorry if I +offend your taste. The facts are offensive. The bewildering thing is +that the facts themselves never seem to offend you; only the mention of +them." + +"It would take too long to go into this subject," said Henriette. "I can +only repeat that I fail to understand your extraordinary views of the +holiest of human instincts." + +"_That_ catch-word! And you use it rashly, Henriette, for do you not +know that the deepest of all degradation comes of misusing that which is +most holy?" + +"A woman who does her duty is not to be accused of misusing anything," +cried Miss Temperley hotly. + +"Is there then no sin, no misuse of power in sending into the world +swarms of fortuitous, poverty-stricken human souls, as those souls must +be who are born in bondage, with the blended instincts of the slave and +the master for a proud inheritance? It sounds awful I know, but truth is +apt to sound awful. Motherhood, as our wisdom has appointed it, among +civilized people, represents a prostitution of the reproductive powers, +which precisely corresponds to that other abuse, which seems to most of +us so infinitely more shocking." + +Miss Temperley preferred not to reply to such a remark, and the entrance +of little Martha relieved the tension of the moment. Henriette, though +she bore the child a grudge, could not resist her when she came forward +and put up her face to be kissed. + +"She is really growing very pretty," said Henriette, in a tone which +betrayed the agitation which she had been struggling to hide. + +Martha ran for her doll and her blue man, and was soon busy at play, in +a corner of the room, building Eiffel Towers out of stone bricks, and +knocking them down again. + +"I don't yet quite understand, Henriette, your object in coming to +Paris." Hadria's voice had grown calmer. + +"I came to make an appeal to your sense of duty and your generosity." + +"Ah!" + +"I came," Henriette went on, bracing herself as if for a great effort, +"to remind you that when you married, you entered into a contract which +you now repudiate." + +Hadria started up, reddening with anger. + +"I did no such thing, and you know it, Henriette. How do you _dare_ to +sit there and tell me that?" + +"I tell you nothing but the truth. Every woman who marries enters, by +that fact, into a contract." + +Miss Temperley had evidently regarded this as a strong card and played +it hopefully. + +Hadria was trembling with anger. She steadied her voice. "Then you +actually intended to _entrap_ me into this so-called contract, by +leading me to suppose that it would mean nothing more between Hubert and +myself than an unavoidable formality! You tell me this to my face, and +don't appear to see that you are confessing an act of deliberate +treachery." + +"Nonsense," cried Henriette. "There was nothing that any sane person +would have objected to, in our conduct." + +Hadria stood looking down scornfully on her sister-in-law. She shrugged +her shoulders, as if in bewilderment. + +"And yet you would have felt yourselves stained with dishonour for the +rest of your lives had you procured anything _else_ on false pretences! +But a woman--that is a different affair. The code of honour does not +here apply, it would seem. _Any_ fraud may be honourably practised on +_her_, and wild is the surprise and indignation if she objects when she +finds it out." + +"You are perfectly mad," cried Henriette, tapping angrily with her +fingers on the arm of her chair. + +"What I say is true, whether I be mad or sane. What you call the +'contract' is simply a cunning contrivance for making a woman and her +possible children the legal property of a man, and for enlisting her own +honour and conscience to safeguard the disgraceful transaction." + +"Ah," said Henriette, on the watch for her opportunity, "then you admit +that her honour and conscience _are_ enlisted?" + +"Certainly, in the case of most women. That enlistment is a masterpiece +of policy. To make a prisoner his own warder is surely no light stroke +of genius. But that is exactly what I refused to be from the first, and +no one could have spoken more plainly. And now you are shocked and +pained and aggrieved because I won't eat my words. Yet we have talked +over all this, in my room at Dunaghee, by the hour. Oh! Henriette, why +did you not listen to your conscience and be honest with me?" + +"Hadria, you insult me." + +"Why could not Hubert choose one among the hundreds and thousands of +women who would have passed under the yoke without a question, and have +gladly harnessed herself to his chariot by the reins of her own +conscience?" + +"I would to heaven he _had_!" Henriette was goaded into replying. + +Hadria laughed. Then her brow clouded with pain. "Ah, why did he not +meet my frankness with an equal frankness, at the time? All this trouble +would have been saved us both if _only_ he had been honest." + +"My dear, he was in love with you." + +"And so he thought himself justified in deceiving me. There is _indeed_ +war to the knife between the sexes!" Hadria stood with her elbows on +the back of a high arm-chair, her chin resting on her hands. + +"It is not fair to use that word. I tell you that we both confidently +expected that when you had more experience you would be like other women +and adjust yourself sensibly to your conditions." + +"I see," said Hadria, "and so it was decided that Hubert was to pretend +to have no objections to my wild ideas, so as to obtain my consent, +trusting to the ponderous bulk of circumstance to hold me flat and +subservient when I no longer had a remedy in my power. You neither of +you lack brains, at any rate." Henriette clenched her hands in the +effort of self-control. + +"In ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, our forecasts would have come +true," she said. "I mean----" + +"That is refreshingly frank," cried Hadria. + +"We thought we acted for the best." + +"Oh, if it comes to that, the Spanish Inquisitors doubtless thought that +they were acting for the best, when they made bonfires of heretics in +the market-places." Henriette bent her head and clasped the arms of the +chair, tightly. + +"Well, if there be any one at fault in the matter, _I_ am the culprit," +she said in a voice that trembled. "It was _I_ who assured Hubert that +experience would alter you. It was I who represented to him that though +you might be impulsive, even hard at times, you could not persist in a +course that would give pain, and that if you saw that any act of yours +caused him to suffer, you would give it up. I was convinced that your +character was good and noble _au fond_, Hadria, and I have believed it +up to this moment." + +Hadria drew herself together with a start, and her face darkened. "You +make me regret that I ever had a good or a pitiful impulse!" she cried +with passion. + +She went to the window and stood leaning against the casement, with +crossed arms. + +Henriette turned round in her chair. + +"Why do you always resist your better nature, Hadria?" + +"You use it against me. It is the same with all women. Let them beware +of their 'better natures,' poor hunted fools! for that 'better nature' +will be used as a dog-chain, by which they can be led, like +toy-terriers, from beginning to end of what they are pleased to call +their lives!" + +"Oh, Hadria, Hadria!" cried Miss Temperley with deep regret in her tone. + +But Hadria was only roused by the remonstrance. + +"It is cunning, shallow, heartless women, who really fare best in our +society; its conditions suit them. _They_ have no pity, no sympathy to +make a chain of; _they_ don't mind stooping to conquer; _they_ don't +mind playing upon the weaker, baser sides of men's natures; _they_ don't +mind appealing, for their own ends, to the pity and generosity of +others; _they_ don't mind swallowing indignity and smiling abjectly, +like any woman of the harem at her lord, so that they gain their object. +_That_ is the sort of 'woman's nature' that our conditions are busy +selecting. Let us cultivate it. We live in a scientific age; the fittest +survive. Let us be 'fit.'" + +"Let us be womanly, let us do our duty, let us hearken to our +conscience!" cried Henriette. + +"Thank you! If my conscience is going to be made into a helm by which +others may guide me according to their good pleasure, the sooner that +helm is destroyed the better. That is the conclusion to which you drive +me and the rest of us, Henriette." + +"Charity demands that I do not believe what you say," said Miss +Temperley. + +"Oh, don't trouble to be charitable!" + +Henriette heaved a deep sigh. "Hadria," she said, "are you going to +allow your petty rancour about this--well, I will call it error of ours, +if you like to be severe--are you going to bear malice and ruin your own +life and Hubert's and the children's? Are you so unforgiving, so lacking +in generosity?" + +"_You_ call it an error. _I_ call it a treachery," returned Hadria. "Why +should the results of that treachery be thrust on to _my_ shoulders to +bear? Why should _my_ generosity be summoned to your rescue? But I +suppose you calculated on that sub-consciously, at the time." + +"_Hadria!_" + +"This is a moment for plain speaking, if ever there was one. You must +have reckoned on an appeal to my generosity, and on the utter +helplessness of my position when once I was safely entrapped. It was +extremely clever and well thought out. Do you suppose that you would +have dared to act as you did, if there had been means of redress in my +hands, after marriage?" + +"If I _did_ rely on your generosity, I admit my mistake," said Henriette +bitterly. + +"And now when your deed brings its natural harvest of disaster, you and +Hubert come howling, like frightened children, to have the mischief set +straight again, the consequences of your treachery averted, by _me_, of +all people on this earth!" + +"You are his wife, the mother of his children." + +"In heaven's name, Henriette, why do you always run into my very jaws?" + +"I don't know what you mean." + +"Why do you catalogue my injuries when your point is to deny them?" + +Henriette rose with a vivid flush. + +"Hadria, Hubert is one of the best men in England. I----" + +"When have I disputed that?" + +Hadria advanced towards Miss Temperley, and stood looking her full in +the face. + +"I believe that Hubert has acted conscientiously, according to his +standard. But I detest his standard. He did not think it wrong or +treacherous to behave as he did towards me. But it is _that very fact_ +that I so bitterly resent. I could have forgiven him a sin against +myself alone, which he acknowledged to be a sin. But this is a sin +against my entire sex, which he does _not_ acknowledge to be a sin. It +is the insolence that is implied in supposing it allowable for a man to +trick a woman in that way, without the smallest damage to his +self-respect, that sticks so in my throat. What does it imply as regards +his attitude towards all women? Ah! it is _that_ which makes me feel so +rancorous. And I resent Hubert's calm assumption that he had a right to +judge what was best for me, and even to force me, by fraud, into +following his view, leaving me afterwards to adjust myself with +circumstance as best I might: to make my bitter choice between +unconditional surrender, and the infliction of pain and distress, on +him, on my parents, on everybody. Ah, you calculated cunningly, +Henriette! I _am_ a coward about giving pain, little as you may now be +disposed to credit it. You have tight hold of the end of my chain." + +Hadria was pacing restlessly up and down the room. Little Martha ran out +with her doll, and offered it, as if with a view to chase away the +perturbed look from Hadria's face. The latter stooped mechanically and +took the doll, smiling her thanks, and stroking the child's fair curls +tenderly. Then she recommenced her walk up and down the room, carrying +the doll carefully on her arm. + +"Take care of dolly," Martha recommended, and went back to her other +toys. + +"Yes, Henriette, you and Hubert have made your calculations cleverly. +You have advocates only too eloquent in my woman's temperament. You have +succeeded only too well by your fraud, through which I now stand here, +with a life in fragments, bound, chafe as I may, to choose between +alternative disasters for myself and for all of us. Had you two only +acted straightly with me, and kindly allowed me to judge for myself, +instead of treacherously insisting on judging for me, this knot of your +tying which you naively bring me to unravel, would never have wrung the +life out of me as it is doing now--nor would it have caused you and +Hubert so much virtuous distress." + +Hadria recommenced her restless pacing to and fro. + +"But, Hadria, _do_ be calm, _do_ look at the matter from our point of +view. I have owned my indiscretion." (Hadria gave a little scornful +cry.) "Surely you are not going to throw over all allegiance to your +husband on _that_ account, even granting he was to blame." Hadria +stopped abruptly. + +"I deny that I owe allegiance to a man who so treated me. I don't deny +that he had excuses. The common standards exonerate him; but, good +heavens, a sense of humour, if nothing else, ought to save him from +making this grotesque claim on his victim! To preach the duties of wife +and mother to _me!_" Hadria broke into a laugh. "It is inconceivably +comic." + +Henriette shrugged her shoulders. "I fear my sense of humour is +defective. I can't see the justice of repudiating the duty of one's +position, since there the position _is_, an accomplished fact not to be +denied. Why not make the best of it?" + +"Henriette, you are amazing! Supposing a wicked bigamist had persuaded a +woman to go through a false marriage ceremony, and when she became aware +of her real position, imagine him saying to her, with grave and virtuous +mien, 'My dear, why repudiate the duties of your position, since there +your position _is_, an accomplished fact not to be denied?'" + +"Oh, that's preposterous," cried Henriette. + +"It's preposterous and it's parallel." + +"Hubert did not try to entrap you into doing what was wrong." + +"We need not discuss that, for it is not the point. The point is that +the position (be that right or wrong) was forced on the woman in both +cases by fraud, and is then used as a pretext to exact from her the +desired conduct; what the author of the fraud euphoniously calls +'duty.'" + +"You are positively insulting!" cried Henriette, rising. + +By this time, Hadria had allowed the doll to slip back, and its limp +body was hanging down disconsolately from her elbow, although she was +clutching it, with absent-minded anxiety, to her side, in the hope of +arresting its threatened fall. + +"Oh, look at dolly, look, look!" cried Martha reproachfully. Hadria +seized its legs and pulled it back again, murmuring some consolatory +promise to its mistress. + +"It is strange how you succeed in putting me on the defensive, +Henriette--I who have been wronged. A horrible wrong it is too. It has +ruined my life. You will never know all that it implies, never, never, +though I talk till Doomsday. Nobody will--except Professor Fortescue." + +Henriette gave a horrified gesture. "I believe you are in love with that +man. _That_ is the cause of all this wild conduct." + +Miss Temperley had lost self-control for a moment. + +Hadria looked at her steadily. + +"I beg your pardon. I spoke in haste, Hadria. You have your faults, but +Hubert has nothing to fear from you in that respect, I am sure." + +"Really?" Hadria had come forward and was standing with her left elbow +on the mantel-piece, the doll still tucked under her right arm. "And you +think that I would, at all hazards, respect a legal tie which no feeling +consecrates?" + +"I do you that justice," murmured Henriette, turning very white. + +"You think that I should regard myself as so completely the property of +a man whom I do not love, and who actively dislikes me, as to hold my +very feelings in trust for him. Disabuse yourself of that idea, +Henriette. I claim rights over myself, and I will hold myself in pawn +for no man. This is no news either to you or to Hubert. Why pretend that +it is?" + +Henriette covered her face with her hands. + +"I can but hope," she said at length, "that even now you are saying +these horrible things out of mere opposition. I cannot, I simply +_cannot_ believe, that you would bring disgrace upon us all." + +"If you chose to regard it as a disgrace that I should make so bold as +to lay claim to myself, that, it seems to me, would be your own fault." +Henriette sprang forward white and trembling, and clutched Hadria's arm +excitedly. + +"Ah! you _could_ not! you _could_ not! Think of your mother and father, +if you will not think of your husband and children. You terrify me!" + +Hadria was moved with pity at Henriette's white quivering face. + +"Don't trouble," she said, more gently. "There is no thunderbolt about +to fall in our discreet circle." (A hideous crash from the overturning +of one of Martha's Eiffel Towers seemed to belie the words.) + +Miss Temperley's clutch relaxed, and she gave a gasp of relief. + +"Tell me, Hadria, that you did not mean what you said." + +"I can't do that, for I meant it, every syllable." + +"Promise me then at least, that before you do anything to bring misery +and disgrace on us all, you will tell us of your intention, and give us +a chance of putting our side of the matter before you." + +"Of protecting your vested interests," said Hadria; "your right of way +through my flesh and spirit." + +"Of course you put it unkindly." + +"I will not make promises for the future. The future is quite enough +hampered with the past, without setting anticipatory traps and springes +for unwary feet. But I refuse this promise merely on general principles. +I am not about to distress you in that particular way, though I think +you would only have yourselves to blame if I _were_." + +Miss Temperley drew another deep breath, and the colour began to return +to her face. + +"So far, so good," she said. "Now tell me--Is there nothing that would +make you accept your duties?" + +"Even if I were to accept what you call my duties, it would not be in +the spirit that you would desire to see. It would be in cold +acknowledgment of the force of existing facts--facts which I regard as +preposterous, but admit to be coercive." Henriette sank wearily into her +chair. + +"Do you then hold it justifiable for a woman to inflict pain on those +near to her, by a conduct that she may think justifiable in itself?" + +Hadria hesitated for a moment. + +"A woman is so desperately entangled, and restricted, and betrayed, by +common consent, in our society, that I hold her justified in using +desperate means, as one who fights for dear life. She may harden her +heart--if she can." + +"I am thankful to think that she very seldom _can_!" cried Henriette. + +"Ah! that is our weak point! For a long time to come, we shall be +overpowered by our own cage-born instincts, by our feminine conscience +that has been trained so cleverly to dog the woman's footsteps, in man's +interest--his detective in plain clothes!" + +"Of course, if you repudiate all moral claim----" began Henriette, +weakly. + +"I will not insult your intelligence by considering that remark." + +"Are you determined to harden yourself against every appeal?" Hadria +looked at her sister-in-law, in silence. + +"Why don't you answer me, Hadria?" + +"Because I have just been endeavouring, evidently in vain, to explain in +what light I regard appeals on this point." + +"Then Hubert and the children are to be punished for what you are +pleased to call his fraud--the fraud of a man in love with you, anxious +to please you, to agree with you, and believing you too good and noble +to allow his life to be spoilt by this girl's craze for freedom. It is +inconceivable!" + +"I fear that Hubert must be prepared to endure the consequences of his +actions, like the rest of us. It is the custom, I know, for the sex that +men call weaker, to saddle themselves with the consequences of men's +deeds, but I think we should have a saner, and a juster world if the +custom were discontinued." + +"You have missed one of the noblest lessons of life, Hadria," cried Miss +Temperley, rising to leave. "You do not understand the meaning of +self-sacrifice." + +"A principle that, in woman, has been desecrated by misuse," said +Hadria. "There is no power, no quality, no gift or virtue, physical or +moral, that we have _not_ been trained to misuse. Self-sacrifice stands +high on the list." + +Miss Temperley shrugged her shoulders, sadly and hopelessly. + +"You have fortified yourself on every side. My words only prompt you to +throw up another earthwork at the point attacked. I do harm instead of +good. I will leave you to think the matter over alone." Miss Temperley +moved towards the door. + +"Ah, you are clever, Henriette! You know well that I am far better +acquainted with the weak points of my own fortifications than you can +be, who did not build them, and that when I have done with the defence +against you, I shall commence the attack myself. You have all the +advantages on your side. Mine is a forlorn hope:--a handful of Greeks at +Thermopylae against all the host of the Great King. We are foredoomed; +the little band must fall, but some day, Henriette, when you and I shall +be no more troubled with these turbulent questions--some day, these +great blundering hosts of barbarians will be driven back, and the Greek +will conquer. Then the realm of liberty will grow wide!" + +"I begin to hate the very name!" exclaimed Henriette. + +Hadria's eyes flashed, and she stood drawn up, straight and defiant, +before the mantel-piece. + +"Ah! there is a fiercer Salamis and a crueller Marathon yet to be +fought, before the world will so much as guess what freedom means. I +have no illusions now, regarding my own chances, but I should hold it as +an honour to stand and fall at Thermopylae, with Leonidas and his +Spartans." + +"I believe that some day you will see things with different eyes," said +Henriette. + +The doll fell with a great crash, into the fender among the fire-irons, +and there was a little burst of laughter. Miss Temperley passed through +the door, at the same instant, with great dignity. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII. + + +As Hadria had foretold, she commenced the attack on herself as soon as +Henriette had departed, and all night long, the stormy inner debate was +kept up. Her mind never wavered, but her heart was rebellious. Hubert +deserved to pay for his conduct; but if we all had to pay for our +conduct to the uttermost farthing, that would be hard, if just. If +Hadria assumed the burden of Hubert's debt, it would mean what M. +Jouffroy had pointed out. Hubert's suffering would be only on account of +offended public opinion; hers--but then her parents would suffer as well +as Hubert. Round and round went the thoughts, like vast wheels, and when +towards morning, she dozed off a little, the wheels were still turning +in a vague, weary way, and as they turned, the life seemed to be crushed +gradually out of the sleeper. + +Jouffroy came to enquire whether the decision had been made. He was in a +state of great excitement. He gave fervent thanks that Hadria had stood +firm. + +"You do not forget my words, Madame?" + +"I shall never forget them, Monsieur." + +Henriette discreetly forbore to say anything further on the subject of +dispute. She waited, hopefully. + +"Hubert has been troubled about the money that your father set apart, on +your marriage, as a contribution to the household expenses," she said, +one morning. "Your father did not place it all in your name." + +"I know," said Hadria. "It is tied up, in some way, for the use of the +family. I have a small sum only in my own control." + +"Hubert is now leaving half of it to accumulate. The other half has +still to go towards the expenses at the Red House. I suppose you +approve?" + +"Certainly," said Hadria. "My father designed it for that purpose." + +"But Hubert feared you might be running short of money, and wished to +send you some; but the trustees say it is against the conditions of the +trust." + +"So I suppose." + +"I wanted you to know about it, that is all," said Henriette. "Also, I +should like to say that though Hubert does not feel that he can ask you +to return to the Red House, after what has happened--he cannot risk your +refusing--yet I take it on myself to tell you, that he would only be too +glad if you would go back." + +"Thank you, I understand." + +Next morning, Henriette came with a letter in her hand. + +"Bad news!" Hadria exclaimed. + +The letter announced the failure of the Company. It was the final blow. +Dunaghee would have to be given up. Mrs. Fullerton's settlement was all +that she and her husband would now have to live upon. + +Hadria sat gazing at the letter, with a dazed expression. Almost before +the full significance of the calamity had been realized, a telegram +arrived, announcing that Mrs. Fullerton had fallen dangerously ill. + +The rest of that day was spent in packing, writing notes, settling +accounts, and preparing for departure. + +"When--how are you going?" cried Madame Vauchelet, in dismay. + +"By the night boat, by the night boat," Hadria replied hurriedly, as if +the hurry of her speech would quicken her arrival in England. + +The great arches of the station which had appealed to her imagination, +at the moment of arrival, swept upward, hard and grey, in the callous +blue light. Hadria breathed deep. Was she the same person who had +arrived that night, with every nerve thrilled with hope and resolve? Ah! +there had been so much to learn, and the time had been so short. +Starting with her present additional experience, she could have managed +so much better. But of what use to think of that? How different the +homeward journey from the intoxicating outward flight, in the heyday of +the spring! + +What did that telegram mean? _Ill; dangerously, dangerously._ The words +seemed to be repeated cruelly, insistently, by the jogging of the train +and the rumble of the wheels. The anxiety gnawed on, rising at times +into terror, dulling again to a steady ache. And then remorse began to +fit a long-pointed fang into a sensitive spot in her heart. In vain to +resist. It was securely placed. Let reason hold her peace. + +A thousand fears, regrets, self-accusations, revolts, swarmed +insect-like in Hadria's brain, as the train thundered through the +darkness, every tumultuous sound and motion exaggerated to the +consciousness, by the fact that there was no distraction of the +attention by outside objects. Nothing offered itself to the sight except +the strange lights and shadows of the lamp thrown on the cushions of the +carriage; Henriette's figure in one corner, Hannah, with the child, in +another, and the various rugs and trappings of wandering Britons. +Everything was contracted, narrow. The sea-passage had the same sinister +character. Hadria compared it to the crossing of the Styx in Charon's +gloomy ferry-boat. + +She felt a patriotic thrill on hearing the first mellow English voice +pronouncing the first kindly English sentence. The simple, slow, honest +quality of the English nature gave one a sense of safety. What splendid +raw material to make a nation out of! But, ah, it was sometimes dull to +live with! These impressions, floating vaguely in the upper currents of +the mind, were simultaneous with a thousand thoughts and anxieties, and +gusts of bitter fear and grief. + +What would be the end of it all? This uprooting from the old home--it +wrung one's heart to think of it. Scarcely could the thought be faced. +Her father, an exile from his beloved fields and hills; her mother +banished from her domain of so many years, and after all these +disappointments and mortifications and sorrows! It was piteous. Where +would they live? What would they do? + +Hadria fought with her tears. Ah! it was hard for old people to have to +start life anew, bitterly hard. This was the moment for their children +to flock to their rescue, to surround them with care, with affection, +with devotion; to make them feel that at least _some_thing that could be +trusted, was left to them from the wreck. + +"Ah! poor mother, poor kind father, you were very good to us all, very, +very good!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII. + + +Mrs. Fullerton's illness proved even more serious than the doctor had +expected. She asked so incessantly for her daughters, especially Hadria, +that all question of difference between her and Hubert was laid aside, +by tacit consent, and the sisters took their place at their mother's +bedside. The doctor said that the patient must have been suffering, for +many years, from an exhausted state of the nerves and from some kind of +trouble. Had she had any great disappointment or anxiety? + +Hadria and Algitha glanced at one another. "Yes," said Algitha, "my +mother has had a lot of troublesome children to worry and disappoint +her." + +"Ah!" exclaimed the doctor, nodding his head. "Well, now has come a +crisis in Mrs. Fullerton's condition. This illness has been incubating +for years. She must have undergone mental misery of a very acute kind, +whether or not the cause may have been adequate. If her children desire +to keep her among them, it will be necessary to treat her with the +utmost care, and to oppose her in _nothing_. Further disappointment or +chagrin, she has no longer the power to stand. There are complications. +Her heart will give trouble, and all your vigilance and forbearance are +called for, to avoid serious consequences. I think it right to speak +frankly, for everything depends--and always hereafter will depend--on +the patient's being saved as much as possible from the repetition of any +former annoyance or sorrow. At best, there will be much for her to +endure; I dread an uprooting of long familiar habits for any one of her +age. Her life, if not her reason, are in her children's hands." + +A time of terrible anxiety followed, for the inmates of the Red House. +The doctor insisted on a trained nurse. Algitha and Hadria felt uneasy +when they were away, even for a moment, from the sick-room, but the +doctor reminded them of the necessity, for the patient's sake as well as +their own, of keeping up their strength. He warned them that there would +be a long strain upon them, and that any lack of common sense, as +regards their own health, would certainly diminish the patient's chances +of recovery. Nobody had his clearest judgment and his quickest +observation at command, when nervously exhausted. Everything might +depend on a moment's decision, a moment's swiftness of insight. The +warning was not thrown away, but both sisters found the incessant +precautions trying. + +Every thought, every emotion was swallowed up in the one awful anxiety. + +"Oh, Hadria, I feel as if this were my fault," cried Algitha, on one +still, ominous night, after she had resigned her post at the bedside to +the nurse, who was to fill it for a couple of hours, after which Hadria +took her turn of watching. + +"You? It was I," said Hadria, with trembling lips. + +"Mother has never been strong," Algitha went on. "And my leaving home +was the beginning of all this trouble." + +"And _my_ leaving home the end of it," her sister added. + +Algitha was walking restlessly to and fro. + +"And I went to Dunaghee so often, so often," she cried tearfully, "so +that mother should not feel deserted, and you too came, and the boys +when they could. But she never got over my leaving; she seemed to resent +my independence, my habit of judging for myself; she hated every detail +in which I differed from the girls she knew. If I had married and gone +to the Antipodes, she would have been quite satisfied, but----" + +"Ah, why do people need human souls for their daily food?" cried Hadria +mournfully. She flung open the window of the bedroom, and looked out +over the deadly stillness of the fields and the heavy darkness. "But +they do need them," she said, in the same quiet, hopeless tone, "and +the souls have got to be provided." + +"What is the time?" asked Algitha. A clock had struck, outside. "Could +it be the clock of Craddock church? The sound must have stolen down +hill, through the still air." + +"It struck three." + +"You ought to get some sleep," cried Algitha. "Remember what the doctor +said." + +"I feel so nervous, so anxious. I could not sleep." + +"Just for a few minutes," Algitha urged. Hadria consented at last, to go +into her room, which adjoined her sister's, and lie down on the bed. The +door was open between the rooms. "You must do the same," she stipulated. + +There was silence for some minutes, but the silence swarmed with the +ghosts of voices. The air seemed thick with shapes, and terrors, and +strange warnings. + +The doctor had not disguised the fact that the patient was fighting hard +for life, and that it was impossible to predict the result. Everything +depended on whether her strength would hold out. The weakness of the +heart was an unfortunate element in the case. To save strength and give +plentiful nourishment, without heightening the fever, must be the +constant effort. Algitha's experience stood her in good stead. Her +practical ability had been quickened and disciplined by her work. She +had trained herself in nursing, among other things. + +Hadria's experience was small. She had to summon her intelligence to the +rescue. The Fullerton stock had never been deficient in this particular. +In difficult moments, when rule and tradition had done their utmost, +Hadria had often some original device to suggest, to fit the individual +case, which tided them over a crisis, or avoided some threatening +predicament. + +"Are you sleeping?" asked Algitha, very softly. + +"No," said Hadria; "I feel very uneasy to-night. I think I will go +down." + +"Do try to get a little rest first, Hadria; your watch is next, and you +must not go to it fagged out." + +"I know, but I feel full of dread. I _must_ just go and see that all is +right." + +"Then I will come too," said Algitha. + +They stole down stairs together, in the dim light of the oil lamps that +were kept burning all night. The clock struck the half-hour as they +passed along the landing. A strange fancy came to Hadria, that a dusky +figure drifted away before her, as she advanced. It seemed as though +death had receded at her approach. The old childish love for her mother +had revived in all its force, during this long fight with the reaper of +souls. She felt all her energies strung with the tension of battle. She +fought against a dark horror that she could not face. Knowing, and +realising vividly, that if her mother lived, her own dreams were ended +for ever, she wrestled with desperate strength for the life that was at +stake. Her father's silent wretchedness was terrible to see. He would +not hear a word of doubt as to the patient's recovery. He grew angry if +anyone hinted at danger. He insisted that his wife was better each day. +She would soon be up and well again. + +"Never well again," the doctor had confided to Hubert, "though she may +possibly pull through." + +Mr. Fullerton's extravagant hopefulness sent a thrill along the nerves. +It was as if he had uttered the blackest forebodings. The present crisis +had stirred a thousand feelings and associations, in Hadria, which had +long been slumbering. She seemed to be sent back again, to the days of +her childhood. The intervening years were blotted out. She realized now, +with agonising vividness, the sadness of her mother's life, the long +stagnation, the slow decay of disused faculties, and the ache that +accompanies all processes of decay, physical or moral. Not only the +strong appeal of old affection, entwined with the earliest associations, +was at work, but the appeal of womanhood itself:--the grey sad story of +a woman's life, bare and dumb and pathetic in its irony and pain: the +injury from without, and then the self-injury, its direct offspring; +unnecessary, yet inevitable; the unconscious thirst for the sacrifice of +others, the hungry claims of a nature unfulfilled, the groping instinct +to bring the balance of renunciation to the level, and indemnify oneself +for the loss suffered and the spirit offered up. And that propitiation +had to be made. It was as inevitable as that the doom of Orestes should +follow the original crime of the house of Atreus. Hadria's whole thought +and strength were now centred on the effort to bring about that +propitiation, in her own person. She prepared the altar and sharpened +the knife. In that subtle and ironical fashion, her fate was steadily at +work. + +The sick-room was very still when the sisters entered. It was both warm +and fresh. A night-light burnt on the table, where cups and bottles were +ranged, a spirit-lamp and kettle, and other necessaries. The night-light +threw long, stealthy shadows over the room. The fire burnt with a red +glow. The bed lay against the long wall. As the two figures entered, +there was a faint sound of quick panting, and a moan. Hadria rushed to +the bedside. + +"Quick, quick, some brandy," she called. Algitha flew to the table for +the brandy, noticing with horror, as she passed, that the nurse had +fallen asleep at her post. Algitha shook her hastily. + +"Go and call Mr. Fullerton," she said sharply, "and quick, quick." The +patient was sinking. The nurse vanished. Algitha had handed the cup of +brandy to Hadria. The sisters stood by the bedside, scarcely daring to +breathe. Mr. Fullerton entered hurriedly, with face pallid and drawn. + +"What is it? Is she----?" + +"No, no; I hope not. Another moment it would have been too late, but I +think we were in time." + +Hadria had administered the brandy, and stood watching breathlessly, for +signs of revival. She gave one questioning glance at Algitha. Her trust +in the nurse was gone. Algitha signed hope. The patient's breathing was +easier. + +"I wonder if we ought to give a little more?" Hadria whispered. + +"Wait a minute. Ah! don't speak to her, father; she needs all her +strength." + +The ticking of the clock could be heard, in the dim light. + +Algitha was holding her mother's wrist. "Stronger," she said. Hadria +drew a deep sigh. "We must give food presently. No more brandy." + +"She's all right again, all right again!" cried Mr. Fullerton, eagerly. + +The nurse went to prepare the extract which the doctor had ordered for +the patient, when quickly-digested nourishment was required. It gave +immediate strength. The brandy had stimulated the sinking organs to a +saving effort; the food sustained the system at the level thus achieved. +The perilous moment was over. + +"Thank heaven!" cried Algitha, when the patient's safety was assured, +and she sank back on the pillow, with a look of relief on her worn face. + +"If it had not been for you, Hadria----. What's the matter? Are you +ill?" + +Algitha rushed forward, and the nurse dragged up a chair. + +Hadria had turned deadly white, and her hand groped for support. + +She drew herself together with a desperate effort, and sat down +breathing quickly. "I am not going to faint," she said, reassuringly. +"It was only for a moment." She gave a shudder. "What a fight it was! We +were only just in time----" + +A low voice came from the bed. The patient was talking in her sleep. +"Tell Hadria to come home if she does not want to kill me. Tell her to +come home; it is her duty. I want her." + +Then, after a pause, "I have always done _my_ duty,--I have sacrificed +myself for the children. Why do they desert me, why do they desert me?" +And then came a low moaning cry, terrible to hear. The sisters were by +the bedside, in a moment. Their father stood behind them. + +"We are here, mother dear; we are here watching by you," Hadria +murmured, with trembling voice. + +Algitha touched the thin hand, quietly. "We are with you, mother," she +repeated. "Don't you know that we have been with you for a long time?" + +The sick woman seemed to be soothed by the words. + +"Both here, both?" she muttered vaguely. And then a smile spread over +the sharpened features; she opened her eyes and looked wistfully at the +two faces bending over her. + +A look of happiness came into her dimmed eyes. + +"My girls," she said in a dreamy voice, "my girls have come back to +me--I knew they were good girls----" + +Then her eyes closed, and she fell into a profound and peaceful +slumber. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX. + + +"But, Doctor, is there no hope that with care and time, she will be able +to walk again?" + +"I am sorry to say, none whatever. I am only thankful that my patient +has survived at all. It was little short of a miracle, and you must be +thankful for that." + +Mrs. Fullerton had always been an active woman, in spite of not being +very robust, and a life passed on a couch had peculiar terrors for her. +The nervous system had been wrecked, not by any one shock or event, but +by the accumulated strains of a lifetime. The constitution was broken +up, once and for all. + +A cottage had been taken, as near as possible to the Red House, where +the old couple were to settle for the rest of their days, within reach +of their children and grandchildren. Every wish of the invalid must be +respected, just or unjust. Absolute repose of mind and body was +imperatively necessary, and this could only be attained for her by a +complete surrender, on the part of her children, of any course of action +that she seriously disapproved. The income was too limited to allow of +Algitha's returning to her parents; otherwise Mrs. Fullerton would have +wished it. Algitha had now to provide for herself, as the allowance that +her father had given her could not be continued. She had previously done +her work for nothing, but now Mrs. Trevelyan, under whose care she had +been living, offered her a paid post in a Convalescent Home in which she +was interested. + +"I am exceptionally fortunate," said Algitha, "for Mrs. Trevelyan has +arranged most kindly, so that I can get away to see mother and father at +the end of every week." + +Both Mr. and Mrs. Fullerton had taken it for granted that Hadria would +remain at the Red House, and that Hubert would "forgive" her, as they +put it. + +Circumstances seemed to take it equally for granted. Mrs. Fullerton +would now depend entirely on her children for every solace and pleasure. +She would require cheering, amusing, helping, in a thousand ways. +Algitha was to come down each week from Saturday till Monday, and the +brothers when they could. During the rest of the week, the invalid would +depend on her younger daughter. Hadria's leaving home, and the rumour of +a quarrel between her and Hubert, had conduced to her mother's illness, +perhaps had even caused it. Mrs. Fullerton had taken it bitterly to +heart. It had become obvious that Hadria would have now to remain at the +Red House, for her mother's sake, and that being so, she and Hubert +agreed that it was useless to discuss any other reasons for and against +it. Hubert was only too glad of her return, for appearance' sake. +Neither of them thought, for a moment, of what Henriette called a +"reconciliation." What had passed before Hadria's departure had revealed +finally, the hopelessness of such an attempt. Matters settled down +heavily and with an air of finality. + +If only her mother's declining years were happy and peaceful, that would +be something of importance gained, but, alas! Mrs. Fullerton seemed +anything but happy. Her helplessness was hard to bear, and she felt the +worldly downfall, severely. All this, and the shattered state of her +nerves tended to make her exacting and irritable; and as she had felt +seriously aggrieved for so many years of her life, she now regarded the +devotion of her children as a debt tardily paid, and the habit grew +insensibly upon her of increasing her demands, as she found everyone so +ready to submit to them. The possession of power had its usual effect. +She knew no mercy in its use. Her daughters were made to feel that if +they had been less headstrong and selfish in the past, she would have +been a vigorous and active woman to this day. Obviously, the very least +they could do, was to try by all means in their power, to lighten the +burden they had laid upon her. Yet Mrs. Fullerton was, by nature, +unselfish. She would have gladly sacrificed herself for her children's +good, as indeed she had persistently and doggedly sacrificed herself for +them, during their childhood, but naturally she had her own view of what +constituted their "good." It did not consist in wasting one's youth and +looks among the slums of the East End, or in deserting one's home to +study music and mix in a set of second-rate people, in an out-of-the-way +district of Paris. As for Hadria's conduct about little Martha, Mrs. +Fullerton could scarcely bring herself to speak about it. It terrified +her. She thought it indicated some taint of madness in her daughter's +mind. Two charming children of her own and--but Mrs. Fullerton, with a +painful flush, would turn her mind from the subject. She had to believe +her daughter either mad or bad, and that was terrible to her maternal +pride. She could indeed scarcely believe that it had not all been a +painful dream, for Hadria was now so good and dutiful, so tender and +watchful; how _could_ she have behaved so abominably, so crazily? Every +day Hadria came to the cottage, generally with a bunch of fresh flowers +to place by her mother's couch, and then all the affairs of the +household were talked over and arranged, the daughter doing what was +needed in the way of ordering provisions or writing notes, for the +invalid could now write only with the greatest difficulty. Then Mrs. +Fullerton liked to have a chat, to hear what was in the papers, what was +going on in the neighbourhood, and to discuss all sorts of dreary +details, over and over again. Books that Hadria would sometimes bring +were generally left unread, unless they were light novels of a rigidly +conventional character. Mrs. Fullerton grew so excited in her +condemnation of any other kind, that it was dangerous to put them before +her. In the evenings, the old couple liked to have a rubber, and often +Hubert and Hadria would make up the necessary quartett; four silent +human beings, who sat like solemn children at their portentous play, +while the clock on the mantel-piece recorded the moments of their lives +that they dedicated to the mimic battle. Hours and hours were spent in +this way. But Hadria found that she could not endure it every night, +much to the surprise of her parents. The monotony, the incessant +recurrence, had a disastrous effect on her nerves, suggesting wild and +desperate impulses. + +"I should go out of my mind, if I had no breaks," she said at last, +after trying it for some months. "In the interests of future rubbers, I +_must_ leave off, now and then. He that plays and runs away, will live +to play another day." + +Mrs. Fullerton thought it strange that Hadria could not do even this +little thing for her parents, without grumbling, but she did not wish to +make a martyr of her. They must try and find some one else to take her +place occasionally. + +Sometimes Joseph Fleming would accept the post, sometimes Lord Engleton, +and often Ernest or Fred, whose comparatively well-ordered minds were +not sent off their balance so easily as Hadria's. In this fashion, the +time went by, and the new state of affairs already seemed a hundred +years old. Paris was a clear, but far-off dream. An occasional letter +from Madame Vauchelet or Jouffroy, who mourned and wailed over Hadria's +surrender of her work, served to remind her that it had once been actual +and living. There still existed a Paris far away beyond the hills, +brilliant, vivid, exquisite, inspiring, and at this very moment the +people were coming and going, the river was flowing, the little steamers +plying,--but how hard it was to realise! + +The family was charmed with the position of affairs. + +"It is such a mercy things have happened as they have!" was the verdict, +delivered with much wise shaking of heads. "There can be no more mad or +disgraceful behaviour on the part of Hubert's wife, that is one comfort. +She can't murder her mother outright, though she has not been far off +it!" + +From the first, Hadria had understood what the future must be. These +circumstances could not be overcome by any deed that she could bring +herself to do. Even Valeria was baffled. Her theories would not quite +work. Hadria looked things straight in the face. That which was +strongest and most essential in her must starve; there was no help for +it, and no one was directly to blame, not even herself. Fate, chance, +Providence, the devil, or whatever it was, had determined against her +particular impulses and her particular view of things. After all, it +would have been rather strange if these powers had happened exactly to +agree with her. She was not so ridiculous (she told herself) as to feel +personally aggrieved, but so long as fate, chance, Providence, or the +devil, gave her emotions and desires and talent and will, it was +impossible not to suffer. She might fully recognise that the suffering +was of absolutely no importance in the great scheme of things, but that +did not make the suffering less. If it must be, it must be, and there +was an end to it. Should someone gain by it, that was highly +satisfactory, and more than could be said of most suffering, which +exists, it would seem, only to increase and multiply after the manner of +some dire disease. This was what Hadria dreaded in her own case: that +the loss would not end with her. The children, Martha, everyone who came +under her influence, must share in it. + +Henriette irritated her by an approving sweetness of demeanour, +carefully avoiding any look of triumph, or rather triumphing by that air +which said: "I wouldn't crow over you for the world!" + +She was evidently brimming over with satisfaction. A great peril, she +felt, had been averted. The family and its reputation were saved. + +"You appear to think that the eyes of Europe are riveted on the +Temperley family," said Hadria; "an august race, I know, but there _are_ +one or two other branches of the human stock in existence." + +"One _must_ consider what people say," said Henriette. + +Hadria's time now was filled more and more with detail, since there were +two households instead of one to manage. The new charge was +particularly difficult, because she had not a free hand. + +Without entirely abandoning her music, it had, perforce, to fall into +abeyance. Progress was scarcely possible. But as Henriette pointed +out--it gave so much pleasure to others--when Hadria avoided music that +was too severely classical. + +At Craddock Place, one evening, she was taken in to dinner by a callow +youth, who found a fertile subject for his wit, in the follies and +excesses of what he called the "new womanhood." It was so delightful, he +said, to come to the country, where women were still charming in the +good old way. He knew that this new womanhood business was only a phase, +don't you know, but upon his word, he was getting tired of it. Not that +he had any objection to women being well educated (Hadria was glad of +that), but he could _not_ stand it when they went out of their sphere, +and put themselves forward and tried to be emancipated, and all that +sort of nonsense. + +Hadria was not surprised that he could not stand it. + +There had been a scathing article, the youth said, in one of the evening +papers. He wondered how the "New Woman" felt after reading it! It simply +made mincemeat of her. + +"Wretched creature!" Hadria exclaimed. + +The youth wished that women would really _do_ something, instead of +making all this fuss. + +Hadria agreed that it _was_ a pity they were so inactive. Could not one +or two of the more favoured sex manage to inspire them with a little +initiative? + +The youth considered that women were, by nature, passive and reflective, +not original. + +Hadria thought the novelty of that idea not the least of its charms. + +The youth allowed that, in her own way, and in her own sphere, woman was +charming and singularly intelligent. He had no objection to her +developing as much as she pleased, in proper directions. (Hadria felt +really encouraged.) But it was so absurd to pretend that women could do +work that was peculiar to men. (Hadria agreed, with a chuckle.) When had +they written one of Shakespeare's dramas? (When indeed? History was +ominously silent on that point.) + +"Hadria, what is amusing you?" enquired her hostess, across the table. + +"Oh, well--only the discouraging fact that no woman, as Mr. St. George +convincingly points out, has ever written one of Shakespeare's dramas!" + +"Oh," said Lady Engleton with a broad smile, "but you know, Mr. St. +George, we really haven't had quite the same chances, have we?" + +Perhaps not quite, as far as literature went, the youth admitted +tolerantly, but there was failure in original work in every direction. +This was no blame to women; they were not made that way, but facts _had_ +to be recognised. Women's strength lay in a different domain--in the +home. It was of no use to try to fight against Nature. Look at music for +instance; one required no particular liberty to pursue _that_ art, yet +where were the women-composers? If there was so much buried talent among +women, why didn't they arise and bring out operas and oratorios? + +Hadria couldn't understand it; especially as the domestic life was +arranged, one might almost say, with a special view to promoting musical +talent in the mistress of the household. Yet where were those oratorios? +She shook her head. Mr. St. George, she thought, had clearly proved that +the inherent nature of women was passive and imitative, while that of +man, even in the least remarkable examples of the sex, was always +powerful and original to the verge of the perilous! + +"I think we had better go to the drawing-room," said Lady Engleton, +discreetly. The youth twirled his moustaches thoughtfully, as the ladies +filed out. + +Hadria's happiest hours were now those that she spent with little +Martha, who was growing rapidly in stature and intelligence. The +child's lovable nature blossomed sweetly under the influence of Hadria's +tenderness. When wearied, and sad at heart, an hour in the Priory +garden, or a saunter along the roadside with little Martha, was like the +touch of a fresh breeze after the oppression of a heated room. Hadria's +attachment to the child had grown and grown, until it had become almost +a passion. How was the child to be saved from the usual fate of +womanhood? Hadria often felt a thrill of terror, when the beautiful blue +eyes looked out, large and fearless, into the world that was just +unfolding before them, in its mysterious loveliness. + +The little girl gave promise of beauty. Even now there were elements +that suggested a moving, attracting nature. "At her peril," thought +Hadria, "a woman moves and attracts. If I can only save her!" + +Hadria had not seen Professor Fortescue since her return from Paris. She +felt that he, and he alone, could give her courage, that he and he alone +could save her from utter despondency. If only he would come! For the +first time in her life, she thought of writing to ask him for personal +help and advice. Before she had carried out this idea, the news came +that he was ill, that the doctor wished him to go abroad, but that he +was forced to remain in England, for another three months, to complete +some work, and to set some of his affairs in order. Hadria, in +desperation, was thinking of throwing minor considerations to the winds, +and going to see for herself the state of affairs (it could be managed +without her mother's knowledge, and so would not endanger her health or +life), when the two boys were sent back hastily from school, where +scarlet fever had broken out. They must have caught the infection before +leaving, for they were both taken ill. + +Valeria came down to Craddock Dene, for the day. She seemed almost +distraught. Hadria could see her only at intervals. The sick children +required all her attention. Valeria wished to visit them. She had +brought the poor boys each a little gift. + +"But you may take the fever," Hadria remonstrated. + +Valeria gave a scornful snort. + +"Are you tired of life?" + +"I? Yes. It is absurd. I have no place in it, no tie, nothing to bind me +to my fellows or my race. What do they care for a faded, fretful woman?" + +"You know how your friends care for you, Valeria. You know, for +instance, what you have been in my life." + +"Ah, my dear, I _don't_ know! I have a wretched longing for some strong, +absorbing affection, something paramount, satisfying. I envy you your +devotion to that poor little child; you can shew it, you can express it, +and you have the child's love in return. But I, who want much more than +that, shall never get even that. I threw away the chance when I had it, +and now I shall end my days, starving." + +Hadria was silent. She felt that these words covered something more than +their ostensible meaning. + +"I fear Professor Fortescue is very ill," said Valeria restlessly. + +Her face was flushed, and her eyes burnt. + +"I fear he is," said Hadria sadly. + +"If--if he were to die----" Hadria gave a low, horrified exclamation. + +"Surely there is no danger of that!" + +"Of course there is: he told me that he did not expect to recover." + +Valeria was crouching before the fire, with a look of blank despair. +Hadria, pale to the lips, took her hand gently and held it between her +own. Valeria's eyes suddenly filled with tears. "Ah, Hadria, you will +understand, you will not despise me--you will only be sorry for me--why +should I not tell you? It is eating my heart out--have you never +suspected, never guessed----?" + +Hadria, with a startled look, paused to consider, and then, stroking +back the beautiful white hair with light touch, she said, "I think I +have known without knowing that I knew. It wanted just these words of +yours to light up the knowledge. Oh, Valeria, have you carried this +burden for all these years?" + +"Ever since I first met him, which was just before he met his wife. I +knew, from the first, that it was hopeless. He introduced her to me +shortly after his engagement. He was wrapped up in her. With him, it was +once and for all. He is not the man to fall in love and out of it, over +and over again. We were alike in that. With me, too, it was once for +all. Oh, the irony of life!" Valeria went on with an outburst of energy, +"I was doomed to doom others to similar loss; others have felt for me, +in vain, what I, in vain, felt for him! I sent them all away, because I +could not bring myself to endure the thought of marrying any other man, +and so I pass my days alone--a waif and stray, without anything or +anyone to live for." + +"At least you have your work to live for, which is to live for many, +instead of for one or two." + +"Ah, that does not satisfy the heart." + +"What _does_?" Hadria exclaimed. + +Anxiety about Professor Fortescue now made a gloomy background to the +responsibilities of Hadria's present life. Valeria's occasional visits +were its bright spots. She looked forward to them, with pathetic +eagerness. The friendship became closer than it had ever been before, +since Valeria had confided her sad secret. + +"Yet, Valeria, I envy you." + +"Envy me?" she repeated blankly. + +"I have never known what a great passion like that means; I have never +felt what you feel, and surely to live one's life with all its pettiness +and pain, yet never to know its extreme experiences, is sadder than to +have those experiences and suffer through them." + +"Ah, yes, you are right," Valeria admitted. "I would not be without it +if I could." + +The thought of what she had missed was beginning to take a hold upon +Hadria. Her life was passing, passing, and the supreme gifts would never +be hers. She must for ever stand outside, and be satisfied with shadows +and echoes. + +"Are you very miserable, Hadria?" Valeria asked, one day. + +"I am benumbed a little now," Hadria replied. "That must be, if one is +to go on at all. It is a provision of nature, I suppose. All that was +threatening before I went to Paris, is now being fulfilled. I can +scarcely realize how I could ever have had the hopefulness to make that +attempt. I might have known I could not succeed, as things are. How +_could_ I? But I am glad of the memory. It pains me sometimes, when all +the acute delight and charm return, at the call of some sound or scent, +some vivid word; but I would not be without the memory and the dream--my +little illusion." + +"Supposing," said Valeria after a long pause, "that you could live your +life over again, what would you do?" + +"I don't know. It is my impression that in my life, as in the lives of +most women, all roads lead to Rome. Whether one does this or that, one +finds oneself in pretty much the same position at the end. It doesn't +answer to rebel against the recognized condition of things, and it +doesn't answer to submit. Only generally one _must_, as in my case. A +choice of calamities is not always permitted." + +"It is so difficult to know which is the least," said Valeria. + +"I don't believe there _is_ a 'least.' They are both unbearable. It is a +question which best fits one's temperament, which leads soonest to +resignation." + +"Oh, Hadria, you would never achieve resignation!" cried Valeria. + +"Oh, some day, perhaps!" + +Valeria shook her head. She had no belief in Hadria's powers in that +direction. Hopelessness was her nearest approach to that condition of +cheerful acquiescence which, Hadria had herself said, profound faith or +profound stupidity can perhaps equally inspire. + +"At least," said Valeria, "you know that you are useful and helpful to +those around you. You make your mother happy." + +"No, my mother is not happy. My work is negative. I just manage to +prevent her dying of grief. One must not be too ambitious in this stern +world. One can't make people happy merely by reducing oneself, morally, +to a jelly. Sometimes, by that means, one can dodge battle and murder +and sudden death." + +"It is terrible!" cried Valeria. + +"But meanwhile one lays the seed of future calamities, to avoid which +some other future woman will have to become jelly. The process always +reminds me of the old practice of the Anglo-Saxon kings, who used to buy +off the Danes when they threatened invasion, and so pampered the enemy +whom their successors would afterwards have to buy off at a still more +ruinous cost. I am buying off the Danes, Valeria." + + + + +CHAPTER XL. + + +"Do you know it is a year to-day, since we came to this cottage?" +exclaimed Mrs. Fullerton. "How the time flies!" + +The remark was made before the party settled to the evening's whist. + +"You are looking very much better than you did a month after your +illness, Mrs. Fullerton," said Joseph Fleming, who was to take a hand, +while Hadria played Grieg or Chopin, or Scottish melodies to please the +old people. The whist-players enjoyed music during the game. + +"Ah, I shall never be well," said Mrs. Fullerton. "One can't recover +from long worry, Mr. Fleming. Shall we cut for partners?" + +It was a quaint, low-pitched little room, filled with familiar furniture +from Dunaghee, which recalled the old place at every turn. The game went +on in silence. The cards were dealt, taken up, shuffled, sorted, played, +massed together, cut, dealt, sorted, and so on, round and round; four +grave faces deeply engrossed in the process, while the little room was +filled with music. + +Mrs. Fullerton had begun to feel slightly uneasy about her daughter. "So +much nursing has told upon her," said everyone. The illness of the two +boys had come at an unfortunate moment. She looked worn and white, and +dreadfully thin. She seemed cheerful, and at times her mood was even +merry, but she could not recover strength. At the end of the day, she +would be completely exhausted. This had not been surprising at first, +after the long strain of nursing, but Mrs. Fullerton thought it was +time that she began to mend. She feared that Hadria spent too many hours +over her composing; she sat up at night, perhaps. What good did all this +composing do? Nobody ever heard of it. Such a sad pity that she could +not see the folly of persevering in the fruitless effort. + +Lady Engleton was sure that Hadria saw too few people, lived too +monotonous a life. Craddock Place was filled with guests just now, and +Lady Engleton used her utmost persuasion to induce Hubert and Hadria to +come to dinner, or to join the party, in the evening, whenever they +could. + +Hadria shrank from the idea. It was adding another burden to her already +failing strength. To talk coherently, to be lively and make oneself +agreeable, to have to think about one's dress,--it all seemed +inexpressibly wearisome. But Lady Engleton was so genuinely eager to +administer her cure that Hadria yielded, half in gratitude, half in +order to save the effort of further resistance. + +She dragged herself upstairs to dress, wishing to heaven she had +refused, after all. The thought of the lights, the sound of voices, the +complexity of elements and of life that she had to encounter, made her +shrink into herself. She had only one evening gown suitable for the +occasion. It was of some white silken stuff, with dull rich surface. A +bunch of yellow roses and green leaves formed the decoration. Hubert +approved of her appearance. To her own surprise she felt some new +feeling creep into her, under the influence of the exquisite attire. It +put her a little more in tune. At least there were beautiful and dainty +things in the world. The fresh green of the rose leaves, and the full +yet delicate yellow of the fragrant roses on the creamy lace, evoked a +feeling akin to the emotion stirred by certain kinds of music; or, in +other words, the artistic sensibility had been appealed to through +colour and texture, instead of through harmony. + +The drawing-room at Craddock Place was glowing with subdued +candle-light. Lady Engleton's rooms carried one back to a past epoch, +among the dainty fancies and art of a more leisurely and less vulgar +century. Lady Engleton admitted nothing that had not the quality of +distinction, let it have what other quality it might. Hadria's mood, +initiated at home, received impetus at Craddock Place. It was a +luxurious mood. She desired to receive rather than to give: to be +delicately ministered to; to claim the services of generations of +artists, who had toiled with fervour to attain that grand ease and +simplicity, through faithful labour and the benison of heaven. + +Hadria had attracted many eyes as she entered the room. Unquestionably +she was looking her best to-night, in spite of her extreme pallor. She +was worthy to take her place among the beautiful objects of art that +Lady Engleton had collected round her. She had the same quality. Hubert +vaguely perceived this. He heard the idea expressed in so many words by +a voice that he knew. He looked round, and saw Professor Theobald +bending confidentially towards Joseph Fleming. + +"Oh, Professor, I did not know you were to be here to-night!" + +"What has your guardian spirit been about, not to forewarn you?" asked +the Professor. + +"I am thinking of giving my guardian spirit a month's warning," returned +Hubert; "he has been extremely neglectful of late. And how have you been +getting on all this time, Professor?" + +Theobald gave some fantastic answer, and crossed the room to Mrs. +Temperley, who was by this time surrounded by a group of acquaintances, +among them Madame Bertaux, who had just come from Paris, and had news of +all Hadria's friends there. + +"Mrs. Temperley, may I also ask for one passing glance of recognition?" + +Hadria turned round with a little start, and a sudden unaccountable +sense of disaster. + +"Professor Theobald!" + +She did not look pleased to see him, and as they shook hands, his mouth +shut sharply, as it always did when his self-love was wounded. Then, a +gleam of resolve or cunning came into his face, and the next instant he +was at his suavest. + +"Do you know, Mrs. Temperley, I scarcely recognized you when you first +came in. 'Who can this beautiful, distinguished-looking woman be?' I +said to myself." + +Hadria smiled maliciously. + +"You think I am so much changed?" + +Professor Theobald began to chuckle. + +"The trowel, I see, is still your weapon," she added, "but I am +surprised that you have not learnt to wield the implement of sway with +more dexterity, Professor." + +"I am not accustomed to deal with such quick-witted ladies, Mrs. +Temperley." + +"You shew your hand most frankly," she answered; "it almost disarms +one." + +A few introductory chords sounded through the room. Hadria was sitting +in front of the window, across which the pale green curtains had been +drawn. Many eyes wandered towards her. + +"I should like to paint you just like that," murmured Lady Engleton; +"you can't imagine what a perfect bit of harmony you make, with my +brocade." A cousin of Lord Engleton was at the piano. He played an old +French gavotte. + +"That is the finishing touch," added Lady Engleton, below her breath. "I +should like to paint you and the curtains and Claude Moreton's gavotte +all together." + +The performance was received with enthusiasm. It deepened Hadria's mood, +set her pulses dancing. She assented readily to the request of her +hostess that she should play. She chose something fantastic and dainty. +It had a certain remoteness from life. + +"Like one of Watteau's pictures," said Claude Moreton, who was hanging +over the piano. He was tall and dark, with an expression that betrayed +his enthusiastic temperament. A group had collected, among them +Professor Theobald. Beside him stood Marion Fenwick, the bride whose +wedding had taken place at Craddock Church about eighteen months +before. + +It seemed as if Hadria were exercising some influence of a magnetic +quality. She was always the point of attraction, whether she created a +spell with her music, or her speech, or her mere personality. In her +present mood, this was peculiarly gratifying. The long divorce from +initiative work which events had compelled, the loss of nervous vigour, +the destruction of dream and hope, had all tended to throw her back on +more accessible forms of art and expression, and suggested passive +rather than active dealings with life. She was wearied with petty +responsibilities, and what she called semi-detached duties. It was a +relief to sit down in white silk and lace, and draw people to her simply +by the cheap spell of good looks and personal magnetism. That she +possessed these advantages, her life in Paris had made obvious. It was +the first time that she had been in contact with a large number of +widely differing types, and she had found that she could appeal to them +all, if she would. Since her return to England, anxieties and influences +extremely depressing had accustomed her to a somewhat gloomy atmosphere. +To-night the atmosphere was light and soft, brilliant and enervating. + +"This is my Capua," she said laughingly, to her hostess. + +It invited every luxurious instinct to come forth and sun itself. Marion +Fenwick's soft, sweet voice, singing Italian songs to the accompaniment +of the guitar, repeated the invitation. + +It was like a fairy gift. Energy would be required to refuse it. And +why, in heaven's name, if she might not have what she really wanted, was +she to be denied even the poor little triumphs of ornamental womanhood? +Was the social order which had frustrated her own ambitions to dominate +her conscience, and persuade her voluntarily to resign that _one_ +kingdom which cannot be taken from a woman, so long as her beauty lasts? + +Why should she abdicate? The human being was obviously susceptible to +personality beyond all other things. And beauty moved that absurd +creature preposterously. _There_, at least, the woman who chanced to be +born with these superficial attractions, had a royal territory, so long +as she could prevent her clamorous fellows from harassing and wearing +those attractions away. By no direct attack could the jealous powers +dethrone her. They could only do it indirectly, by appealing to the +conscience which they had trained; to the principles that they had +instilled; by convincing the woman that she owed herself, as a debt, to +her legal owner, to be paid in coined fragments of her being, till she +should end in inevitable bankruptcy, and the legal owner himself found +her a poor investment! + +It would have startled that roomful of people, who expressed everything +circuitously, pleasantly, without rough edges, had they read beneath +Mrs. Temperley's spoken words, these unspoken thoughts. + +Marion Fenwick's songs and the alluring softness of her guitar, seemed +the most fitting accompaniment to the warm summer night, whose breath +stirred gently the curtains by the open window, at the far end of the +room. + +Lady Engleton was delighted with the success of her efforts. Mrs. +Temperley had not looked so brilliant, so full of life, since her +mother's illness. Only yesterday, when she met her returning from the +Cottage, her eyes were like those of a dying woman, and now----! + +"People say ill-natured things about Mrs. Temperley," she confided to an +intimate friend, "but that is because they don't understand her." + +People might have been forgiven for not understanding her, as perhaps +her hostess felt, noticing Hadria's animation, and the extraordinary +power that she was wielding over everyone in the room, young and old. +That power seemed to burn in the deep eyes, whose expression changed +from moment to moment. Hadria's cheeks, for once, had a faint tinge of +colour. The mysterious character of her beauty became more marked. +Professor Theobald followed her, with admiring and studious gaze. +Whether she had felt remorseful for her somewhat unfriendly greeting at +the beginning of the evening, or from some other cause, her manner to +him had changed. It was softer, less mocking. He perceived it instantly, +and pursued his advantage. The party still centred eagerly round the +piano. Hadria was under the influence of music; therefore less careful +and guarded than usual, more ready to sway on the waves of emotion. And +beyond all these influences, tending in the same direction, was the +underlying spirit of rebellion against the everlasting "Thou shalt not" +that met a woman at every point, and turned her back from all paths save +one. And following that one (so ran Hadria's insurrectionary thoughts), +the obedient creature had to give up every weapon of her womanhood; +every grace, every power; tramping along that crowded highway, whereon +wayworn sisters toil forward, with bandaged eyes, and bleeding feet; and +as their charm fades, in the pursuing of their dusty pilgrimage, the +shouts, and taunts, and insults, and laughter of their taskmasters +follow them, while still they stumble on to the darkening land that +awaits them, at the journey's end: Old Age, the vestibule of Death. + +Hadria's eyes gleamed strangely. + +"They shall not have their way with me too easily. I can at least give +my pastors and masters a little trouble. I can at least fight for it, +losing battle though it be." + +The only person who seemed to resist Hadria's influence to-night, was +Mrs. Jordan, the mother of Marion Fenwick. + +"My dear madam," said Professor Theobald, bending over the portly form +of Mrs. Jordan, "a woman's first duty is to be charming." + +"Oh, that comes naturally, Professor," said Hadria, "though it is rather +for _you_ than for _me_ to say that. You are always missing +opportunities." + +"Believe me, I will miss them no more," he said emphatically. + +"Tell us _your_ idea of a woman's duty, Mrs. Jordan," prompted Madame +Bertaux maliciously. Mrs. Jordan delivered herself of various immemorial +sentiments which met the usual applause. But Madame Bertaux said +brusquely that she thought if that sort of thing were preached at women +much longer, they would end by throwing over duty altogether, in sheer +disgust at the whole one-sided business. Mrs. Jordan bristled, and +launched herself upon a long and virtuous sentence. Her daughter Marion +looked up sharply when Madame Bertaux spoke. Then a timid, cautious +glance fell on her mother. Marion had lost her freshness and her +exquisite aetherial quality; otherwise there was little change in her +appearance. Hadria was struck by the way in which she had looked at +Madame Bertaux, and it occurred to her that Marion Fenwick was probably +not quite so acquiescent and satisfied as her friends supposed. But she +would not speak out. Early training had been too strong for her. + +Professor Theobald was unusually serious to-night. He did not respond to +Hadria's flippancy. He looked at her with grave, sympathetic eyes. He +seemed to intimate that he understood all that was passing in her mind, +and was not balked by sprightly appearances. There was no sign of +cynicism now, no bandying of compliments. His voice had a new ring of +sincerity. It was a mood that Hadria had noticed in him once or twice +before, and when it occurred, her sympathy was aroused; she felt that +she had done him injustice. _This_ was evidently the real man; his +ordinary manner must be merely the cloak that the civilized being +acquires the habit of wrapping round him, as a protection against the +curiosity of his fellows. The Professor himself expressed it almost in +those words: "It is because of the infinite variety of type and the +complexity of modern life which the individual is called upon to +encounter, that a sort of fancy dress has to be worn by all of us, as a +necessary shield to our individuality and our privacy. We cannot go +through the complex process of adjustment to each new type that we come +across, so by common consent, we wear our domino, and respect the +unwritten laws of the great _bal masque_ that we call society." + +The conversation took more and more intimate and serious turns. Mrs. +Jordan was the only check upon it. Madame Bertaux followed up her first +heresy by others even more bold. + +"Whenever one wants very particularly to have one's way about a matter," +she said, "one sneaks off and gets somebody else persuaded that it is +his duty to sacrifice himself for us--_c'est tout simple_--and the +chances are that he meekly does it. If he doesn't, at least one has the +satisfaction of making him feel a guilty wretch, and setting oneself up +with a profitable grievance for life." + +"To the true woman," said Mrs. Jordan, who had ruled her family with a +rod of iron for thirty stern years, "there is no joy to equal that of +self-sacrifice." + +"Except that of exacting it," added Hadria. + +"I advise everyone desirous of dominion to preach that duty, in and out +of season," said Madame Bertaux. "It is seldom that the victims even +howl, so well have we trained them." + +"Truly I hope so!" cried Professor Theobald. "It must be most galling +when their lamentations prevent one from committing one's justifiable +homicide in peace and quietness. Imagine the discomfort of having a +half-educated victim to deal with, who can't hold his tongue and let one +perform the operation quietly and comfortably. It is enough to embitter +any Christian!" + +The party broke up, with many cordial expressions of pleasure, and +several plans were made for immediately meeting again. Lady Engleton was +delighted to see that Mrs. Temperley entered with animation, into some +projects for picnics and excursions in the neighbourhood. + +"Did I not tell you that all you wanted was a little lively society?" +she said, with genuine warmth, as the two women stood in the hall, a +little apart from the others. + +Hadria's eye-lids suddenly fell and reddened slightly. + +"Oh, you are so kind!" she exclaimed, in a voice whose tones betrayed +the presence of suppressed tears. + +Lady Engleton, in astonishment, stretched out a sisterly hand, but +Hadria had vanished through the open hall door into the darkness +without. + + + + +CHAPTER XLI. + + +Mrs. Temperley was much discussed at Craddock Place. Professor Theobald +preserved the same grave mood whenever she was present. He only returned +to his usual manner, in her absence. "Theobald has on his Mrs. Temperley +manner," Claude Moreton used to say. The latter was himself among her +admirers. + +"I begin to be afraid that Claude is taking her too seriously," Lady +Engleton remarked to her husband. He had fired up on one occasion when +Professor Theobald said something flippant about Mrs. Temperley. Claude +Moreton's usual calmness had caused the sudden outburst to be noticed +with surprise. He hated Professor Theobald. + +"What possesses you both to let that fellow come here so much?" + +"The Professor? Oh, he is a very old friend, you know, and extremely +clever. One has to put up with his manner." + +Claude Moreton grunted. "These, at any rate, are no reasons why Mrs. +Temperley should put up with his manner!" + +"But, my dear Claude, as you are always pointing out, the Professor has +a special manner which he keeps exclusively for her." + +The special manner had already worked wonders. The Professor was to +Hadria by far the most entertaining person of the party. He had always +amused her, and even the first time she saw him, he had exercised a +strange, unpleasant fascination over her, which had put her on the +defensive, for she had disliked and distrusted him. The meetings in the +Priory gardens had softened her hostility, and now she began to feel +more and more that she had judged him unfairly. In those days she had a +strong pre-occupying interest. He had arrived on the scene at an +exciting moment, just when she was planning out her flight to Paris. +She had not considered the Professor's character very deeply. There were +far too many other things to think of. It was simpler to avoid him. But +now everything had changed. The present moment was not exciting; she had +no plans and projects in her head; she was not about to court the fate +of Icarus. That fate had already overtaken her. The waves were closing +over-head; her wings were wet and crippled, in the blue depths. Why not +take what the gods had sent and make the most of it? + +The Professor had all sorts of strange lore, which he used, in his +conversations with Hadria, almost as a fisherman uses his bait. If she +shewed an inclination to re-join the rest of the party, he always +brought out some fresh titbit of curious learning, and Hadria was seldom +able to resist the lure. + +They met often, almost of necessity. It was impossible to feel a +stranger to the Professor, in these circumstances of frequent and +informal meeting. Often when Hadria happened to be alone with him, she +would become suddenly silent, as if she no longer felt the necessity to +talk or to conceal her weariness. The Professor knew it too well; he saw +how heavily the burden of life weighed upon her, and how it was often +almost more than she could do, to drag through the day. She craved for +excitement, no matter of what kind, in order to help her to forget her +weariness. Her anxiety about Professor Fortescue preyed upon her. She +was restless, over-wrought, with every nerve on edge, unable now for +consecutive work, even had events permitted it. She followed the advice +and took the medicines of a London doctor, whom Mrs. Fullerton had +entreated her to consult, but she gained no ground. + +"I begin to understand how it is that people take to drinking," she said +to Algitha, who used to bemoan this vice, with its terrible results, of +which she had seen so much. + +"Ah! don't talk of it in that light way!" cried Algitha. "It is the +fashion to treat it airily, but if people only knew what an awful curse +it is, I think they would feel ashamed to be 'moderate' and indifferent +about it." + +"I don't mean to treat it or anything that brings harm and suffering +'moderately,'" returned Hadria. "I mean only that I can see why the vice +is so common. It causes forgetfulness, and I suppose most people crave +for that." + +"I think, Hadria, if I may be allowed to say so, that you are finding +your excitement in another direction." + +"You mean that I am trying to find a substitute for the pleasures of +drunkenness in those of flirtation." + +"I should not like to think that you had descended to _conscious_ +flirtation." + +Hadria looked steadily into the flames. They were in the morning-room, +where towards night-fall, even in summer, a small fire usually burnt in +the grate. + +"When I remember what you used to think and what you used to be to us +all, in the old days at Dunaghee, I feel bitterly pained at what you are +doing, Hadria. You don't know where it may lead to, and besides it seems +so beneath you in every way." + +"Appeals to the conscience!" cried Hadria, "I knew they would begin!" + +"You knew _what_ would begin?" + +"Appeals, exhortations to forego the sole remaining interest, +opportunity, or amusement that is left one! Ah, dear Algitha, I know you +mean it kindly and I admire you for speaking out, but I am not going to +be cajoled in that way! I am not going to be turned back and set +tramping along the stony old road, so long as I can find a pleasanter +by-way to loiter in. It sounds bad I know. Our drill affects us to the +last, through every fibre. My duty! By what authority do people choose +for me my duty? If I can be forced to abide by their decision in the +matter, let them be satisfied with their power to coerce me, but let +them leave my conscience alone. It does not dance to their piping." + +"But you cannot care for this sort of excitement, Hadria." + +"If I can get nothing else----?" + +"Even then, I can't see what you can find in it to make you willing to +sink from your old ideals." + +"Ideals! A woman with ideals is like a drowning creature with a +mill-stone round its neck! I have had enough of ideals!" + +"It is a sad day to me when I hear you say so, Hadria!" the sister +exclaimed. + +"Algitha, there is just one solitary weapon that _can't_ be taken from a +woman--and so it is considerately left to her. Ah, it is a dangerous toy +when brandished dexterously! Sometimes it sends a man or two away +howling. Our pastors and masters have a wholesome dread of the murderous +thing--and what wails, and satires, and lamentations it inspires! +Consult the literature of all lands and ages! Heaven-piercing! The only +way of dealing with the awkward dilemma is to get the woman persuaded to +be 'good,' and to lay down her weapon of her own accord, and let it +rust. How many women have been so persuaded! Not I!" + +"I know, and I understand how you feel; but oh, Hadria, _this_ is not +the way to fight, _this_ will bring no good to anyone. And as for +admiration, the admiration of men--why, you know it is not worth +having--of this sort." + +"Oh, do I not know it! It is less than worthless. But I am not seeking +anything of permanent value; I am seeking excitement, and the +superficial satisfaction of brandishing the weapon that everyone would +be charmed to see me lay in the dust. I _won't_ lay it down to please +anybody. Dear me, it will soon rust of its own accord. You might as well +ask some luckless warrior who stands at bay, facing overwhelming odds, +to yield up his sword and leave himself defenceless. It is an insult to +one's common sense." + +Algitha's remonstrance seemed only to inflame her sister's mood, so she +said no more. But she watched Hadria's increasingly reckless conduct, +with great uneasiness. + +"It really _is_ exciting!" exclaimed Hadria, with a strange smile. The +whole party had migrated for the day, to the hills at a distance of +about ten miles from Craddock Dene. A high spot had been chosen, on the +edge of woodland shade, looking out over a wide distance of plain and +far-off ranges. Here, as Claude Moreton remarked, they were to spoil the +landscape, by taking their luncheon. + +"Or what is worse, by giving ourselves rheumatism," added Lord +Engleton. + +"What grumbling creatures men are!" exclaimed his wife, "and what +pleasures they lose for themselves and make impossible for others, by +this stupid habit of dwelling upon the disadvantages of a situation, +instead of on its charms." + +"We ought to dwell upon the fowl and the magnificent prospect, and +ignore the avenging rheumatism," said Claude Moreton. + +"Oh no, guard against it," advised Algitha, with characteristic common +sense. "Sit on this waterproof, for instance." + +"Ah, there you have the true philosophy!" cried Professor Theobald. +"Contentment and forethought. Observe the symbol of forethought." He +spread the waterproof to the wind. + +"There is nothing like a contented spirit!" cried Lady Engleton. + +"Who is it that says you knock a man into a ditch, and then you tell him +to remain content in the position in which Providence has placed him?" +asked Hadria. + +"Even contentment has its dangers," said Claude Moreton, dreamily. + +At the end of the meal, Hadria rose from the rug where she had been +reclining, with the final assertion, that she thought the man who was +knocked into the ditch and told to do his duty there, would do the best +service to mankind, as well as to himself, by making a horrid clamour +and trying to get out again. A group collected round her, almost +immediately. + +"Mrs. Fenwick, won't you give us a song!" cried Madame Bertaux. "I see +you have been kind enough to bring your guitar." + +Marion was enthroned upon the picnic-basket, with much pomp, and her +guitar placed in her hand by Claude Moreton. Her figure, in her white +gown and large straw hat, had for background the shadows of thick woods. + +Professor Theobald sank down on the grass at Hadria's side. She felt +that his mood was agitated. She could not be in much doubt as to its +cause. The reckless _role_ that she had been playing was bringing its +result. Hadria was half alarmed, half exultant. She had a strange, vague +notion of selling her life dearly, to the enemy. Only, of late, this +feeling had been mixed with another, of which she was scarcely +conscious. The subtle fascination which the Professor exercised over her +had taken a stronger hold, far stronger than she knew. + +She was sitting on a little knoll, her arm resting on her knee, and her +cheek in her hand. In the exquisitely graceful attitude, was an element +of self-abandonment. It seemed as if she had grown tired of guiding and +directing herself, and were now commending herself to fate or fortune, +to do with her as they would, or must. + +Marion struck a quiet chord. Her voice was sweet and tender and full, +admirably suited to the song. Every nerve in Hadria answered to her +tones. + + "Oh, gather me the rose, the rose + While yet in flower we find it; + For summer smiles, but summer goes, + And winter waits behind it. + + "For with the dream foregone, foregone, + The deed foreborne for ever, + The worm regret will canker on, + And time will turn him never." + +Professor Theobald shifted his position slightly. + + "Ah, well it were to love, my love, + And cheat of any laughter + The fate beneath us and above, + The dark before and after. + + "The myrtle and the rose, the rose, + The sunlight and the swallow, + The dream that comes, the dream that goes, + The memories that follow." + +The song was greeted with a vague stir among the silent audience. A +little breeze gave a deep satisfied sigh, among the trees. + +Several other songs followed, and then the party broke up. They were to +amuse themselves as they pleased during the afternoon, and to meet on +the same spot for five o'clock tea. + +"I _wish_ Hadria would not be so reckless!" cried Algitha anxiously. +"Have you seen her lately?" + +"When last I saw her," said Valeria, "she had strolled off with the +Professor and Mr. Moreton. Mr. Fleming and Lord Engleton were following +with Mrs. Fenwick." + +"There is safety in numbers, at any rate, but I am distressed about her. +It is all very well what she says, about not allowing her woman's sole +weapon to be wrenched from her, but she can't use it in this way, +safely. One can't play with human emotions without coming to grief." + +"A man, at any rate, has no idea of being led an emotional dance," said +Miss Du Prel. + +"Hadria has, I believe, at the bottom of her heart, a lurking desire to +hurt men, because they have hurt women so terribly," said Algitha. + +"One can understand the impulse, but the worst of it is, that one is +certain to pay back the score on the good man, and let the other go +free." + +Algitha shook her head, regretfully. + +"Did Hadria never show this impulse before?" + +"Never in my life have I seen her exercise her power so ruthlessly." + +"I rather think she is wise after all," said Miss Du Prel reflectively. +"She might be sorry some day never to have tasted what she is tasting +now." + +"But it seems to me dreadful. There is not a man who is not influenced +by her in the strangest manner; even poor Joseph Fleming, who used to +look up to her so. In my opinion, she is acting very wrongly." + +"'He that has eaten his fill does not pity the hungry,' as the Eastern +proverb puts it. Come now, Algitha, imagine yourself to be cut off from +the work that supremely interests you, and thrown upon Craddock Dene +without hope of respite, for the rest of your days. Don't you think you +too might be tempted to try experiments with a power whose strength you +had found to be almost irresistible?" + +"Perhaps I should," Algitha admitted. + +"I don't say she is doing right, but you must remember that you have +not the temperament that prompts to these outbursts. I suppose that is +only to say that you are better than Hadria, by nature. I think perhaps +you are, but remember you have had the life and the work that you chose +above all others--she has not." + +"Heaven knows I don't set myself above Hadria," cried Algitha. "I have +always looked up to her. Don't you know how painful it is when people +you respect do things beneath them?" + +"Hadria will disappoint us all in some particular," said Miss Du Prel. +"She will not correspond exactly to anybody's theory or standard, not +even her own. It is a defect which gives her character a quality of the +unexpected, that has for me, infinite attraction." + +Miss Du Prel had never shewn so much disposition to support Hadria's +conduct as now, when disapproval was general. She had a strong +fellow-feeling for a woman who desired to use her power, and she was +half disposed to regard her conduct as legitimate. At any rate, it was a +temptation almost beyond one's powers of resistance. If a woman might +not do this, what, in heaven's name, _might_ she do? Was she not +eternally referred to her woman's influence, her woman's kingdom? Surely +a day's somewhat murderous sport was allowable in _that_ realm! After +all, energy, ambition, nervous force, _must_ have an outlet somewhere. +Men could look after themselves. They had no mercy on women when they +lay in their power. Why should a woman be so punctilious? + +"Only the man is sure to get the best of it," she added, bitterly. "He +loses so little. It is a game where the odds are all on one side, and +the conclusion foregone." + +Unexpectedly, the underwood behind the speakers was brushed aside and +Hadria appeared before them. She looked perturbed. + +"What is it? Why are you by yourself?" + +"Oh, our party split up, long ago, into cliques, and we all became so +select, that, at last, we reduced each clique to one member. Behold the +very acme of selectness!" Hadria stood before them, in an attitude of +hauteur. + +"This sounds like evasion," said Algitha. + +"And if it were, what right have you to try to force me to tell what I +do not volunteer?" + +"True," said her sister; "I beg your pardon." + +Miss Du Prel rose. "I will leave you to yourselves," she said, walking +away. + +Hadria sat down and rested one elbow on the grass, looking over the +sweep of the hill towards the distance. "That is almost like our old +vision in the caves, Algitha; mist and distant lands--it was a false +prophecy. You were talking about me when I came up, were you not?" + +"Did you hear?" + +"No, but I feel sure of it." + +"Well, I confess it," said Algitha. "We are both very uneasy about you." + +"If one never did anything all one's life to make one's friends uneasy, +I wonder if one would have any fun." + +Algitha shook her head anxiously. + +"'Choose what you want and pay for it,' is the advice of some accredited +sage," Hadria observed. + +"Women have to pay so high," said Algitha. + +"So much the worse, but there is such a thing as false economy." + +"But seriously, Hadria, if one may speak frankly, I can't see that the +game is worth the candle. You have tested your power sufficiently. What +more do you want? Claude Moreton is too nice and too good a man to +trifle with. And poor Joseph Fleming! That is to me beyond everything." + +Hadria flushed deeply. + +"I never dreamt that he--I--I never tried, never thought for a +moment----" + +"Ah! that is just the danger, Hadria. Your actions entail unintended +consequences. As Miss Du Prel says, 'It is always the good men whom one +wounds; the others wound us.'" Hadria was silent. "And Claude Moreton," +continued Algitha presently. "He is far too deeply interested in you, +far too absorbed in what you say and do. I have watched him. It is +cruel." + +Hadria grew fierce. "Has _he_ never cruelly injured a woman? Has _he_ +not at least given moral support to the hideous indignities that all +womanhood has to endure at men's hands? At best one can make a man +suffer. But men also humiliate us, degrade us, jeer at, ridicule the +miseries that they and their society entail upon us. Yet for sooth, they +must be spared the discomfort of becoming a little infatuated with a +woman for a time--a short time, at worst! Their feelings must be +considered so tenderly!" + +"But what good do you do by your present conduct?" asked Algitha, +sticking persistently to the practical side of the matter. + +"I am not trying to do good. I am merely refusing to obey these rules +for our guidance, which are obviously drawn up to safeguard man's +property and privilege. Whenever I can find a man-made precept, that +will I carefully disobey; whenever the ruling powers seek to guide me +through my conscience, there shall they fail!" + +"You forget that in playing with the feelings of others you are placing +yourself in danger, Hadria. How can you be sure that you won't yourself +fall desperately in love with one of your intended victims?" Hadria's +eyes sparkled. + +"I wish to heaven I only could!" she exclaimed. "I would give my right +hand to be in the sway of a complete undoubting, unquestioning passion +that would make all suffering and all life seem worth while; some +emotion to take the place of my lost art, some full and satisfying sense +of union with a human soul to rescue one from the ghastly solitude of +life. But I am raving like a girl. I am crying for the moon." + +"Ah, take care, take care, Hadria; that is a mood in which one may +mistake any twopenny-halfpenny little luminary for the impossible moon." + +"I think I should be almost ready to bless the beautiful illusion," +cried Hadria passionately. + + + + +CHAPTER XLII. + + +In the conversation with her sister, the name which Hadria had dreaded +to hear had not been mentioned. She felt as if she could not have met +her sister's eyes, at that moment, had she alluded to Professor +Theobald; for only five minutes before, in the wood, he had spoken to +her in a way that was scarcely possible to misunderstand, though his +wording was so cautious that she could not have taken offence, had she +been so minded, without drawing upon herself the possible retort. "My +dear lady, you have completely misunderstood me." The thought made her +flush painfully. But suppose he really _had_ meant what his words seemed +to imply? He could intend no insult, because he despised, and knew that +she despised, popular social creeds. Into what new realms was she +drifting? There was something attractive to Hadria, in the idea of +defying the world's laws. It was not as the dutiful property of another, +but as herself, a separate and responsible individual, that she would +act and feel, rightly or wrongly, as the case might be. That was a +matter between herself and her conscience, not between herself and the +world or her legal owner. + +The Professor's ambiguous and yet startling speech had forced her to +consider her position. She remembered how her instinct had always been +to hold him aloof from her life, just because, as she now began to +believe, there was something in him that powerfully attracted her. She +had feared an attraction that appeared unjustified by the man's +character. But now the fascination had begun to take a stronger grip, as +the pre-occupying ideas of her life had been chased from their places. +It had insensibly crept in to fill the empty throne. So long as she had +cherished hope, so long as she was still struggling, this insidious +half-magnetic influence had been easily resisted. Now, she was set +adrift; her anchor was raised; she lay at the wind's mercy, +half-conscious of the peril and not caring. + +Professor Theobald had an acute perception of the strange and confused +struggle that was going on in her mind. But he had no notion of the +peculiar reasons, in her case, for an effect that he knew to be far from +rare among women; he did not understand the angry, corroding action of a +strong artistic impulse that was incessantly baulked in full tide. The +sinister, menacing voices of that tide had no meaning for him, except as +expressing a _malaise_ which he had met with a hundred times before. He +put it down to an excess of emotional or nervous energy, in a nature +whose opportunities did not offer full scope to its powers. He had +grasped the general conditions, but he had not perceived the particular +fact that added tenfold to the evil which exists in the more usual, and +less complicated case. + +He thought but little of a musical gift, having no sympathy with music; +and since he had never known what it was to receive anything but help +and encouragement in the exercise of his own talents, the effect upon +the mind and character of such an experience as Hadria's, was beyond the +range of his conceptions. He understood subtly, and misunderstood +completely, at one and the same time. But to Hadria, every syllable +which revealed how much he did understand, seemed to prove, by +implication, that he understood the whole. It never occurred to her that +he was blinder than Henriette herself, to the real centre and heart of +the difficulty. + +It has been said that what the human being longs for above all things, +is to be understood: that he prefers it infinitely to being over-rated. +Professor Theobald gave Hadria this desired sensation. His attraction +for her was composed of many elements, and it was enhanced by the fact +that she had now grown so used to his presence, as to cease to notice +many little traits that had repelled her, at the beginning. Her critical +instincts were lulled. Thus had come to pass that which is by no means +an uncommon incident in human history: a toleration for and finally a +strong attraction towards a nature that began by creating distrust, and +even dislike. + +Hadria's instinct now was to hunt up reasons for desiring the society of +Professor Theobald, for the gladness that she felt at the prospect of +seeing him. She wished to explain to herself how it was that he had +become so prominent a figure in her life. It was surprising how rapidly +and how completely he had taken a central position. Her feeling towards +him, and her admiring affection for Professor Fortescue, were as +different as night from day. She shrank from comparing the two emotions, +because at the bottom of her heart, she felt how infinitely less fine +and sound was this latter attachment, how infinitely less to be +welcomed. If any one spoke disparagingly of Professor Theobald, Hadria's +instinct was to stand up for him, to find ingenious reasons for his +words or his conduct that threw upon him the most favourable light, and +her object was as much to persuade herself as to convince her +interlocutor. What the Professor had said this afternoon, had brought +her to a point whence she had to review all these changes and +developments of her feeling. She puzzled herself profoundly. In +remembering those few words, she was conscious of a little thrill +of--not joy (the word was too strong), but of something akin to it. She +thought--and then laughed at herself--that it had a resemblance to the +sensation that is caused to the mind by the suggestion of some new and +entrancingly interesting idea--say about astronomy! And if she consulted +her mere wishes in the matter, apart from all other considerations, she +would explore farther in this direction. Whether curiosity or sentiment +actuated her, she could not detect. It would certainly be deeply +exciting to find out what her own nature really was, and still more so +to gain greater insight into his. Was this heartless, cold-blooded? Or +was it that she felt a lurking capacity for a feeling stronger than--or +at any rate different from--any that she had hitherto felt? This was a +secret that she could not discover. Hadria gave a frightened start. Was +she finding herself to be bad in a way that she had never suspected? If +she could but fully and completely escape from tradition, so that her +judgment might be quite unhampered. Tradition seemed either to make +human beings blindly submissive, or to tempt them to act out of an +equally blind opposition to its canons. One could never be entirely +independent. In her confusion, she longed to turn to some clear mind and +sound conscience, not so much for advice, as in order to test the effect +upon such a mind and conscience of the whole situation. + +Professor Fortescue was the only person upon whose judgment and feeling +she could absolutely rely. What would he think of her? His impression +would be the best possible guide, for no one opposed more strongly than +he did the vulgar notion of proprietary rights between husband and wife, +no one asserted more absolutely the independence of the individual. Yet +Hadria could not imagine that he would be anything but profoundly sorry, +if he knew the recklessness of her feeling, and the nature of her +sentiment for Professor Theobald. But then he did not know how she +stood; he did not know that the blue hopeful distance of life had +disappeared; that even the middle-distance had been cut off, and that +the sticks and stones and details of a very speckly foreground now +confronted her immovably. She would like to learn how many women of her +temperament, placed in her position, would stop to enquire very closely +into the right and wrong of the matter, when for a moment, a little +avenue seemed on the point of opening, misty and blue, leading the eye +to hidden perilous distances. + +And then Professor Theobald had, after all, many fine qualities. He was +complex, and he had faults like the rest of us; but the more one knew +him, the more one felt his kindness of heart (how good he was to little +Martha), his readiness to help others, his breadth of view and his +sympathy. These were not common qualities. He was a man whom one could +admire, despite certain traits that made one shrink a little, at times. +These moreover had disappeared of late. They were accidental rather than +intrinsic. It was a matter of daily observation that people catch +superficial modes of thought and speech, just as they catch accent, or +as women who have given no thought to the art of dress, sometimes +misrepresent themselves, by adopting, unmodified, whatever happens to be +in the fashion. Hadria had a wistful desire to be able to respect +Professor Theobald without reserve, to believe in him thoroughly, to +think him noble in calibre and fine in fibre. She had a vague idea that +emphatic statement would conduce to making all this true. + +She had never met him alone since that day of the picnic, except for a +few chance minutes, when he had expressed over again, rather in tone +than in words, the sentiment before implied. + +Algitha and Miss Du Prel were relieved to see that Hadria had, after +all, taken their advice. Without making any violent or obvious change in +her conduct, she had ceased to cause her friends anxiety. Something in +her manner had changed. Claude Moreton felt it instantly. He spoke of +leaving Craddock Place, but he lingered on. The house had begun to +empty. Lady Engleton wished to have some time to herself. She was +painting a new picture. But Professor Theobald remained. Joseph Fleming +went away to stay with his married sister. About this time Hubert had to +go abroad to attend to some business matters of a serious and tedious +character, connected with a law-suit in which he was professionally +interested. + +From some instinct which Hadria found difficult to account for, she +avoided meeting the Professor alone. Yet the whole interest of the day +centred in the prospect of seeing him. If by chance, she missed him, she +felt flat and dull, and found herself going over in her mind every +detail of their last meeting. He had the art of making his most +trifling remark interesting. Even his comments on the weather had a +colour and quality of their own. Lady Engleton admired his lightness of +touch. + +"Did you know that our amiable Professor shews his devotion to you, by +devotion to your _protegee_?" she asked one day, when she met Hadria +returning from the Priory with the two boys, whose holidays were not yet +over. "I saw him coming out of the child's cottage this morning, and she +shewed me the toy he had given her." + +"He is very fond of her, I know," said Hadria. + +"He gives her lots of things!" cried Jack, opening round and envious +eyes. + +"How do _you_ know, sir?" enquired Lady Engleton. + +"Because Mary says so," Jack returned. + +Hadria was pleased at the kindness which the act seemed to indicate. + +The doctor had ordered her to be in the open air as much as possible, +and to take a walk every day. Sometimes she would walk with the boys, +sometimes alone. In either case, the thought of Professor Theobald +pursued her. She often grew wearied with it, but it could not be +banished. If she saw a distant figure on the road, a little sick, +excited stir of the heart, betrayed her suspicion that it might be he. +She could not sincerely wish herself free from the strange infatuation, +for the thought of life without it, troublesome and fatiguing though it +was, seemed inexpressibly dull. It had taken the colour out of +everything. It had altered the very face of nature, in her eyes. Her +hope had been to escape loneliness, but with this preposterous secret, +she was lonelier than she had ever been before. She could no longer make +a confidante of herself. She was afraid of her own ridicule, her own +blame, above all of finding herself confronted with some accusation +against the Professor, some overpowering reason for thinking poorly of +him. Whenever they met, she was in terror lest he should leave her no +alternative. She often opened conversational channels by which he could +escape his unknown peril, and she would hold her breath till it was +over. She dreaded the cool-headed, ruthless critic, lurking within her +own consciousness, who would hear of no ingenious explanations of words +or conduct. But she would not admit to this dread--that would have been +to admit everything. She had not the satisfaction of openly thinking the +matter out, for the suspicion that so profoundly saddened her, must be +kept scrupulously hidden. Hadria was filled with dismay when she dared +to glance at the future. No wonder Valeria had warned her against +playing with fire! Was it always like this when people fell in love? +What a ridiculous, uncomfortable, outrageous thing it was! How +destructive to common sense and sanity and everything that kept life +running on reasonable lines. A poor joke at best, and oh, how stale! + + * * * * * + +"Shall I tell you your ruling passion, Mrs. Temperley?" + +"If you can, Professor Theobald." + +Before them stretched a woodland glade. The broad fronds of the bracken +made bright patches of light where the sun caught them, and tall plants, +such as hemlock and wild parsley, stood out, almost white against the +shade; the flies and midges moving round them in the warmth. At some +distance behind, the sound of voices could be heard through the windings +of the wood. There were snatches of song and laughter. + +"Your ruling passion is power over others." + +"It has been sadly thwarted then," she answered, with a nervous laugh. + +"Thwarted? Surely not. What more can you want than to touch the emotions +of every one who comes across your path? It is a splendid power, and +ought to be more satisfying to the possessor than a gift of any other +kind." + +Professor Theobald waited for her reply, but she made none. + +He looked at her fixedly, eagerly. She could do nothing but walk on in +silence. + +"Even an actor does not impress himself so directly upon his fellows as +a woman of--well, a woman like yourself. A painter, a writer, a +musician, never comes in touch at all with his public. We hear his name, +we admire or we decry his works, but the man or the woman who has +toiled, and felt, and lived, is unknown to us. He is lost in his work." + +Hadria gave a murmur of assent. + +"But you, Mrs. Temperley, have a very different story to tell. It is +_you_, yourself, your personality, in all its many-sided charm that we +all bow to; it is _you_, not your achievements that--that we love." + +Hadria cleared her throat; the words would not come. A rebellious little +nerve was twitching at her eye-lid. After all, what in heaven's name was +she to say? It was too foolish to pretend to misunderstand; for tone, +look, manner all told the same story; yet even now there was nothing +absolutely definite to reply to, and her cleverness of retort had +deserted her. + +"Ah! Mrs. Temperley--Hadria----" Professor Theobald had stopped short in +the path, and then Hadria made some drowning effort to resist the force +that she still feared. But it was in vain. She stood before him, paler +even than usual, with her head held high, but eye-lids that drooped and +lips that trembled. The movement of the leaves made faint quivering +little shadows on her white gown, and stirred delicately over the lace +at her throat. The emotion that possessed her, the mixture of joy and +dismay and even terror, passed across her face, in the moment's silence. +The two figures stood opposite to one another; Hadria drawing a little +away, swayed slightly backward, the Professor eagerly bending forward. +He was on the point of speaking, when there came floating through the +wood, the sound of a woman's voice singing. The voice was swiftly +recognised by them both, and the song. + +Hadria's eye-lids lifted for a second, and her breathing quickened. + + "Oh, gather me the rose, the rose, + While yet in flower we find it; + For summer smiles, but summer goes, + And winter waits behind it. + + "For with the dream foregone, foregone, + The deed foreborne for ever, + The worm regret will canker on, + And time will turn him never." + +Professor Theobald advanced a step. Hadria drew back. + + "So well it were to love, my love, + And cheat of any laughter + The fate beneath us and above, + The dark before and after. + + "The myrtle and the rose, the rose, + The sunshine and the swallow, + The dream that comes, the dream that goes, + The memories that follow!" + +The sweet cadence died away. A bird's note took up the dropped thread of +music. The Professor broke into passionate speech. + +"My cause is pleaded in your own language, Hadria, Hadria; listen to it, +listen. You know what is in my heart; I can't apologize for feeling it, +for I have no choice; no man has where you are concerned, as you must +have discovered long ago. And I do not apologize for telling you the +truth, you know it does you no wrong. This is no news to you; you must +have guessed it from the first. Your coldness, your rebuffs, betrayed +that you did. But, ah! I have struggled long enough. I can keep silence +no longer. I have thought of late that your feeling for me had changed; +a thousand things have made me hope--good heavens, if you knew what that +means to a man who had lost it! Ah! speak--don't look like that, +Hadria,--what is there in me that you always turn from? Speak, speak!" + +"Ah! life is horribly difficult!" she exclaimed. "I wish to heaven I +had never budged from the traditions in which I was educated--either +that, or that everybody had discarded them. I feel one way and think +another." + +"Then you do love me, Hadria," he cried. + +Her instinct was to deny the truth, but there seemed to her something +mean in concealment, especially if she were to blame, especially if +those who respected tradition, and made it their guide and rule through +thick and thin, in the very teeth of reason, were right after all, as it +seemed to her, at this moment, that they were. If there were evil in +this strange passion, let her at least acknowledge her share in it. Let +her not "assume a virtue though she had it not." + +Professor Theobald was watching her face, as for a verdict of life and +death. + +"Oh, answer me, answer me--Yes or no, yes or no?" She had raised her +eyes for a moment, about to speak; the words were stifled at their +birth, for the next instant she was in his arms. Again came the voice of +the singer, nearer this time. The song was hummed softly. + + "Oh, gather me the rose, the rose, + While yet in flower we find it, + For summer smiles, but summer goes, + And winter waits behind it." + + + + +CHAPTER XLIII. + + +The need for vigilance over that hidden distrust was more peremptory now +than ever. The confession once made, the die once cast, anything but +complete faith and respect became intolerable. Outwardly, affairs seemed +to run on very much as before. But Hadria could scarcely believe that +she was living in the same world. The new fact walked before her, +everywhere. She did not dare to examine it closely. She told herself +that a great joy had come to her, or rather that she had taken the joy +in spite of everything and everybody. She would order her affections +exactly as she chose. If only she could leave Craddock Dene! Hubert and +her parents considered the opinion of the public as of more importance +than anything else in life; for her mother's sake she was forced to +acquiesce; otherwise there was absolutely no reason why she and Hubert +should live under the same roof. It was a mere ceremony kept up on +account of others. That had been acknowledged by him in so many words. +And a wretched, ridiculous, irksome ceremony it was for them both. + +Hadria refused now to meet Professor Theobald at the Cottage. His visits +there, which had been timed to meet her, must be paid at a different +hour. He remonstrated in vain. She shewed various other inconsistencies, +as he called them. He used to laugh affectionately at her "glimpses of +conscience," but said he cared nothing for these trifles, since he had +her assurance that she loved him. How he had waited and longed for that! +How hopeless, how impossible it had seemed. He professed to have fallen +in love at first sight. He even declared that Hadria had done the same, +though in a different way, without knowing it. Her mind had resisted +and, for the time, kept her feelings in abeyance. He had watched the +struggle. Her heart, he rejoiced to believe, had responded to him from +the beginning. By dint of repeating this very often, he had half +convinced Hadria that it was so. She preferred to think that her feeling +was of the long-standing and resistless kind. + +Sometimes she had intervals of reckless happiness, when all doubts were +kept at bay, and the condition of belief that she assiduously +cultivated, remained with her freely. She felt no secret tug at the +tether. Professor Theobald would then be at his best; grave, thoughtful, +gentle, considerate, responsive to every mood. + +When they met at Craddock Place and elsewhere, Hadria suffered miseries +of anxiety. She was terrified lest he should do or say something in bad +taste, and that she would see her own impression confirmed on the faces +of others. She put it to herself that she was afraid people would not +understand him as she did. The history of his past life, as he had +related it to her, appealed overpoweringly to all that was womanly and +protective in her nature. He was emotional by temperament, but +circumstance had doomed him to repression and solitude. This call on her +sympathy did more than anything to set Hadria's mind at rest. She gave a +vast sigh when that feeling of confidence became confirmed. Life, then, +need no longer be ridiculous! Hard and cruel it might be, full of lost +dreams, but at least there would be something in it that was perfect. +This new emotional centre offered the human _summum bonum_: release from +oneself. + +Hadria and the Professor met, one morning, in the gardens of the Priory. +Hadria had been strolling down the yew avenue, her thoughts full of him, +as usual. She reached the seat at the end where once Professor Fortescue +had found her--centuries ago, it seemed to her now. How different was +_this_ meeting! Professor Theobald came by the path through the thick +shrubberies, behind the seat. There was a small space of grass at the +back. Here he stood, bending over the seat, and though he was usually +prudent, he did not even assure himself that no one was in sight, before +drawing Hadria's head gently back, and stooping to kiss her on the +cheek, while he imprisoned a hand in each of his. She flushed, and +looked hastily down the avenue. + +"I wonder what our fate would be, if anyone had been there?" she said, +with a little shudder. + +"No one was there, darling." He stood leaning over the high back of the +seat, looking down at his companion, with a smile. + +"Do you know," he said, "I fear I shall have to go up to town to-morrow, +for the day." + +Hadria's face fell. She hated him to go away, even for a short time; she +could not endure her own thoughts when his influence was withdrawn. His +presence wrapped her in a state of dream, a false peace which she +courted. + +"Oh no, no," she cried, with a childish eagerness that was entirely +unlike her, "don't go." + +"Do you really care so very much?" he asked, with a deep flush of +pleasure. + +"Of course I do, of course." Her thoughts wandered off through strange +by-ways. At times, they would pass some black cavernous entrance to +unknown labyrinths, and the frightened thoughts would hurry by. +Sometimes they would be led decorously along a smooth highway, pacing +quietly; sometimes they would rise to the sunlight and spread their +wings, and then perhaps take sudden flight, like a flock of startled +birds. + +Yes, he needed sympathy, and faith, and love. He had never had anyone to +believe in him before. He had met with hardness and distrust all his +life. She would trust him. He had conquered, step by step, his inimical +conditions. He was lonely, unused to real affection. Let her try to make +up for what he had lost. Let her forget herself and her own little woes, +in the effort to fill his life with all that he had been forced to +forego. (An impish thought danced before her for a second--"Fine talk, +but you know you love to be loved.") If her love were worth anything, +that must be her impulse. Let her beware of considering her own +feelings, her own wishes and fears. If she loved, let it be fully and +freely, generously and without reserve. That or nothing. ("Probably it +will be nothing," jeered the imp.) "Then what, in heaven's name, _is_ it +that I feel?" the other self seemed to cry in desperation. + +"An idea has struck me," said the Professor, taking her hand and holding +it closely in his, "Why should you not come up to town, say on +Friday--don't start, dearest--it would be quite simple, and then for +once in our lives we should stand, as it were, alone in the world, you +and I, without this everlasting dread of curious eyes upon us. Alone +among strangers--what bliss! We could have a day on the river, or I +could take you to see--well, anything you liked--we should be free and +happy. Think of it, Hadria! to be rid of this incessant need for +caution, for hypocrisy. We have but one life to live; why not live it?" + +"Why not live it, why not live it?" The words danced in her head, like +circles of little sprites carrying alluring wreaths of roses. + +"Ah, we must be careful; there is much at stake," she said. + +He began to plead, eloquently and skilfully. He knew exactly what +arguments would tell best with her. The imps and the other selves +engaged in a free fight. + +"No; I must not listen; it is too dangerous. If it were not for my +mother, I should not care for anything, but as it is, I must risk +nothing. I have already risked too much." + +"There would be no danger," he argued. "Trust to me. I have something to +lose too. It is of no use to bring the whole dead stupid weight of the +world on our heads. There is no sense in lying down under a heap of +rubbish, to be crushed. Let us go our way and leave other people to go +theirs." + +"Easier said than done." + +"Oh no; the world must be treated as one would treat a maniac who +brandished a razor in one's face. Direct defiance argues folly worse +than his." + +"Of course, but all this subterfuge and deceit is hateful." + +"Not if one considers the facts of the case. The maniac-world insists +upon uniformity and obedience, especially in that department of life +where uniformity is impossible. You don't suppose that it is ever +_really_ attained by any human being who deserves the name? Never! We +all wear the livery of our master and live our own lives not the less." + +"Ah, I doubt that," said Hadria. "I think the livery affects us all, +right through to the bones and marrow. What young clergyman was it who +told me that as soon as he put on his canonicals, he felt a different +man, mind, heart, and personality?" + +"Well, _your_ livery has never made you, Hadria, and that is all I care +for." + +"Indeed, I am not so sure." + +"It has not turned you out a Mrs. Jordan or a Mrs. Walker, for +instance." + +"To the great regret of my well-wishers." + +"To the great regret of your inferiors. There is nothing that people +regret so bitterly as superiority to themselves." Hadria laughed. + +"I am always afraid of the gratifying argument based on the assumption +of superiority; one is apt to be brought down a peg, if ever one +indulges in it." + +"I can't see that much vanity is implied in claiming superiority to the +common idiot of commerce," said the Professor, with a shrug. + +"He is in the family," Hadria reminded him. + +"The human family; yes, confound him!" They laughed, and the Professor, +after a pause, continued his pleading. + +"It only needs a little courage, Hadria. My love, my dear one, don't +shake your head." + +He came forward and sat down on the seat beside her, bending towards her +persuasively. + +"Promise me to come to town on Friday, Hadria--promise me, dearest." + +"But if--oh, how I hate all the duplicity that this involves! It creates +wretched situations, whichever way one turns. I never realized into what +a labyrinth it would lead one. I should like to speak out and be honest +about it." + +"And your mother?" + +"Oh, I know of course----" Hadria set her teeth. "It drives me mad, all +this!" + +"Oh, Hadria! And you don't count _me_ then?" + +"Obviously I count you. But one's whole life becomes a lie." + +"That is surely schoolgirl's reasoning. Strange that you should be +guilty of it! Is one's life a lie because one makes so bold as to keep +one's own counsel? Must one take the world into one's confidence, or +stand condemned as a liar? Oh, Hadria, this is childish!" + +"Yes, I am getting weak-minded, I know," she said feverishly. "I resent +being forced to resort to this sort of thing when I am doing nothing +wrong, according to my own belief. Why should I be forced to behave as +if I _were_ sinning against my conscience?" + +"So you may say; that is your grievance, not your fault. But, after all, +compromise is necessary in _everything_, and the best way is to make the +compromise lightly and with a shrug of the shoulders, and then you find +that life becomes fairly manageable and often extremely pleasant." + +"Yes, I suppose you are right." Hadria was picking the petals off a +buttercup one by one, and when she had destroyed one golden corolla, she +attacked another. + +"Fate _is_ ironical!" she exclaimed. "Never in my life did I feel more +essentially frank and open-hearted than I feel now." + +The Professor laughed. + +"My impulse is to indulge in that sort of bluff, boisterous honesty +which forms so charming a feature of our national character. Is it not +disastrous?" + +"It _is_ a little inopportune," Theobald admitted with a chuckle. + +"Oh, it is no laughing matter! It amounts to a monomania. I long to take +Mrs. Walker aside and say 'Hi! look here, Mrs. Walker, I just want to +mention to you----' and so on; and Mrs. Jordan inspires me with a still +more fatal impulse of frankness. If only for the fun of the thing, I +long to do it." + +"You are quite mad, Hadria!" exclaimed the Professor, laughing. + +"Oh, no," she said, "only bewildered. I want desperately to be bluff and +outspoken, but I suppose I must dissemble. I long painfully to be like +'truthful James,' but I must follow in the footsteps of the sneaky +little boy who came to a bad end because he told a lie. The question is: +Shall my mother be sacrificed to this passionate love of truth?" + +"Or shall I?" asked the Professor. "You seem to forget me. You frighten +me, Hadria. To indulge in frankness just now, means to throw me over, +and if you did that, I don't know how I should be able to stand it. I +should cut my throat." + +Hadria buried her face in her hands, as if to shut out distracting +sights and sounds, so that she might think more clearly. + +It seemed, at that moment, as if cutting one's throat would be the only +way out of the growing difficulty. + +How _could_ it go on? And yet, how could she give him up? (The imp gave +a fiendish chuckle.) It would be so unfair, so cruel, and what would +life be without him? ("Moral development impossible!" cried the imp, +with a yell of laughter.) It would be so mean to go back +now--("Shocking!" exclaimed the imp.) Assuming that she ought never to +have allowed this thing to happen ("Oh, fie!") because she bore another +man's name (not being permitted to retain her own), ought she to throw +this man over, on second and (per assumption) better thoughts, or did +the false step oblige her to continue in the path she had entered? + +"I seem to have got myself into one of those situations where there is +_no_ right," she exclaimed. + +"You forget your own words: A woman in relation to society is in the +position of a captive; she may justly evade the prison rules, if she +can." + +"So she may; only I want so desperately to wrench away the bars instead +of evading the rules." + +"Try to remember that you----" The Professor stopped abruptly and stood +listening. They looked at one another. Hadria was deadly white. A step +was advancing along the winding path through the bushes behind them: a +half overgrown path, that led from a small door in the wall that ran +round the park. It was the nearest route from the station to the house, +and a short cut could be taken this way through the garden, to Craddock +Place. + +"It's all right," the Professor said in a low voice; "we were saying +nothing compromising." + +The step drew nearer. + +"Some visitor to Craddock Place probably, who has come down by the 4.20 +from town." + +"Professor Fortescue!" + +Hadria had sprung up, and was standing, with flushed cheeks, beside her +calmer companion. + +Professor Fortescue's voice broke the momentary silence. He gave a warm +smile of pleasure and came forward with out-stretched hand. + +"The hoped-for instant has come sooner than I thought," he cried +genially. + +Hadria was shocked to see him looking very ill. He said that his doctor +had bullied him, at last, into deciding to go south. His arrangements +for departure had been rather hastily made, and he had telegraphed this +morning, to Craddock Place, to announce his coming. His luggage was +following in a hand-cart, and he was taking the short cut through the +Priory gardens. He had come to say good-bye to them all. Miss Du Prel, +he added, had already made up her mind to go abroad, and he hoped to +come across her somewhere in Italy. She had given him all news. He +looked anxiously at Hadria. The flush had left her face now, and the +altered lines were but too obvious. + +"You ought to have change too," he said, "you are not looking well." + +She laughed nervously. "Oh, I am all right." + +"Let's sit down a moment, if you were not discussing anything very +important----" + +"Indeed, we were, my dear Fortescue," said Professor Theobald, drawing +his colleague on to the seat, "and your clear head would throw much +light on the philosophy of the question." + +"Oh, a question of abstract philosophy," said Professor Fortescue. "Are +you disagreeing?" + +"Not exactly. The question that turned up, in the course of discussion, +was this: If a man stands in a position which is itself the result of an +aggression upon his liberty and his human rights, is he in honour bound +to abide by the laws which are laid down to coerce him?" + +"Obviously not," replied Professor Fortescue. + +"Is he morally justified in using every means he can lay hold of to +overcome the peculiar difficulties under which he has been tyrannously +placed?" + +"Not merely justified, but I should say he was a poor fool if he +refrained from doing so." + +"That is exactly what _I_ say." + +"Surely Mrs. Temperley does not demur?" + +"No; I quite agree as to the _right_. I only say that the means which +the situation may make necessary are sometimes very hateful." + +"Ah, that is among the cruelest of the victim's wrongs," said Professor +Fortescue. "He is reduced to employ artifices that he would despise, +were he a free agent. Take a crude instance: a man is overpowered by a +band of brigands. Surely he is justified in deceiving those gentlemen of +the road, and in telling and acting lies without scruple." + +"The parallel is exact," said Theobald, with a triumphant glance at +Hadria. + +"Honour departs where force comes in. No man is bound in honour to his +captor, though his captor will naturally try to persuade his prisoner to +regard himself as so bound. And few would be our oppressions, if that +persuasion did not generally succeed!" + +"The relations of women to society for instance----" began Theobald. + +"Ah, exactly. The success of that device may be said to constitute the +history of womanhood. Take my brigand instance and write it large, and +you have the whole case in a nutshell." + +"Then you would recommend rank rebellion, either by force or artifice, +according as circumstances might require?" asked Hadria. + +Professor Fortescue looked round at her, half anxiously, half +enquiringly. + +"There are perils, remember," he warned. "The woman is, by our +assumption, the brigand's captive. If she offends her brigand, he has +hideous punishments to inflict. He can subject her to pain and indignity +at his good pleasure. Torture and mutilation, metaphorically speaking, +are possible to him. How could one deliberately counsel her to risk all +that?" + +There was a long silence. + +Hadria had been growing more and more restless since the arrival of the +new-comer. She took no further part in the conversation. She was +struggling to avoid making comparisons between her two companions. The +contrast was startling. Every cadence of their voices, every gesture, +proclaimed the radical difference of nature and calibre. + +Hadria rose abruptly. She looked pale and perturbed. + +"Don't you think we have sat here long enough?" she asked. + +They both looked a little surprised, but they acquiesced at once. The +three walked together down the yew avenue, and out across the lawn. +Professor Fortescue recalled their past meetings among these serene +retreats, and wished they could come over again. + +"Nothing ever does come over again," said Hadria. + +Theobald glanced at her, meaningfully. + +"Look here, my dear fellow," he said, grasping Professor Fortescue by +the arm, and bending confidentially towards him, "I should like those +meetings to repeat themselves _ad infinitum_. I have made up my mind at +last. I want to take the Priory." + +Hadria turned deadly pale, and stumbled slightly. + +"Well, take it by all means. I should be only too glad to let it to a +tenant who would look after the old place." + +"We must talk it over," said Theobald. + +"That won't take long, I fancy. We talked it over once before, you +remember, and then you suddenly changed your mind." + +"Yes; but my mind is steady now. The Priory is the place of all others +that I should like to pass my days in." + +"Well, I think you are wise, Theobald. The place has great charm, and +you have friends here." + +"Yes, indeed!" exclaimed Theobald. + +Professor Fortescue looked vaguely round, as if expecting Hadria to +express some neighbourly sentiment, but she said nothing. He noticed how +very ill she was looking. + +"Are you feeling the heat too severe?" he asked in concern. "Shall we +take a rest under these trees?" + +But Hadria preferred to go on and rest at home. She asked when Professor +Fortescue was coming to see them at the Red House, but her tone was less +open and warm than usual, in addressing him. He said that to-morrow he +would walk over in the afternoon, if he might. Hadria would not allow +her companions to come out of their way to accompany her home. At the +Priory gate--where the griffins were grinning as derisively as ever at +the ridiculous ways of men--they took their respective roads. + +Some domestic catastrophe had happened at the Red House. The cook had +called Mary "names," and Mary declared she must leave. Hadria shrugged +her shoulders. + +"Oh, well then, I suppose you must," she said wearily, and retired to +her room, in a mood to be cynically amused at the tragedies that the +human being manufactures for himself, lest he should not find the +tragedies of birth and death and parting, and the solitude of the +spirit, sufficient to occupy him during his little pilgrimage. She sat +by the open window that looked out over the familiar fields, and the +garden that was gay with summer flowers. The red roof of the Priory +could just be caught through the trees of the park. She wished the +little pilgrimage were over. A common enough wish, she commented, but +surely not unreasonable. + +The picture of those two men came back to her, in spite of every effort +to banish it. Professor Fortescue had affected her as if he had brought +with him a new atmosphere, and disastrous was the result. It seemed as +if Professor Theobald had suddenly become a stranger to her, whom she +criticised, whose commonness of fibre, ah me! whose coarseness, she saw +as she might have seen it in some casual acquaintance. And yet she had +loved this man, she had allowed him to passionately profess love for +her. His companionship, in the deepest sense, had been chosen by her for +life. To sit by and listen to that conversation, feeling every moment +how utterly he and she were, after all, strangers to one another, how +completely unbroken was the solitude that she had craved to dispel--that +had been horrible. What had lain at the root of her conduct? How had she +deceived herself? Was it not for the sake of mere excitement, +distraction? Was it not the sensuous side of her nature that had been +touched, while the rest had been posing in the foreground? But no, that +was only partly true. There had been more in it than that; very much +more, or she could not have deceived herself so completely. It was this +craving to fill the place of her lost art,--but oh, what morbid nonsense +it had all been! Why, for the first time in her life, did she feel +ashamed to meet Professor Fortescue? Obviously, it was not because she +thought he would disapprove of her breaking the social law. It was +because she had fallen below her own standard, because she had been +hypocritical with herself, played herself false, and acted contemptibly, +hatefully! Professor Fortescue's mere presence had hunted out the truth +from its hiding-place. He had made further self-sophistication +impossible. She buried her face in her hands, in an agony of shame. She +had known all along, that this had not been a profound and whole-hearted +sentiment. She had known all along, of what a poor feverish nature it +was; yet she had chosen to persuade herself that it was all, or nearly +all, that she had dreamed of a perfect human relationship. She had tried +to arrange facts in such a light as to simulate that idea. It was so +paltry, so contemptible. Why could she not at least have been honest +with herself, and owned to the nature of the infatuation? That, at any +rate, would have been straightforward. Her self-scorn made the colour +surge into her cheeks and burn painfully over neck and brow. "How little +one knows oneself. Here am I, who rebel against the beliefs of others, +sinning against my own. Here am I, who turn up my nose at the popular +gods, deriding my own private and particular gods in their very temples! +That I have done, and heaven alone knows where I should have stopped in +the wild work, if this had not happened. Professor Fortescue has no need +to speak. His gentleness, his charity, are as rods to scourge one!" + + + + +CHAPTER XLIV. + + +When Professor Fortescue called at the Red House, he found that the +blinds, in the drawing-room, were all half down. Hadria held the +conversation to the subject of his plans. He knew her well enough to +read the meaning of that quiet tone, with a subtle cadence in it, just +at the end of a phrase, that went to his heart. To him it testified to +an unspeakable regret. + +It was difficult to define the change in her manner, but it conveyed to +the visitor the impression that she had lost belief in herself, or in +some one; that she had received a severe shock, and knew no longer what +to trust or how to steer. She seemed to speak across some vast spiritual +distance, an effect not produced by reserve or coldness, but by a +wistful, acquiescent, subdued quality, expressive of uncertainty, of +disorder in her conceptions of things. + +"How tempting those two easy-chairs look, under the old tree on your +lawn," said the Professor. "Wouldn't it be pleasant to go out?" + +Hadria hesitated for a second, and then rose. "Certainly; we will have +tea there." + +When they were seated under the shade taking their tea, with the canopy +of walnut leaves above their heads, the Professor saw that Hadria shewed +signs of serious trouble. The haggard lines, the marks of suffering, +were not to be hidden in the clear light of the summer afternoon. He +insensibly shifted his chair so as not to have to gaze at her when he +spoke. That seemed to be a relief to her. + +"Valeria is here till the day after to-morrow," she said. "She has gone +for a walk, and has probably forgotten the tea-hour but I hope you will +see her." + +"I want to find out what her plans are. It would be pleasant to come +across one another abroad. I wish you were coming too." + +"Ah, so do I." + +"I suppose it's impossible." + +"Absolutely." + +"For the mind, there is no tonic like travel," he said. + +"It must be a sovereign cure for egoism." + +"If anything will cure that disease." Her face saddened. + +"You believe it is quite incurable?" + +"If it is constitutional." + +"Don't you think that sometimes people grow egoistic through having to +fight incessantly for existence--I mean for individual existence?" + +"It certainly is the instinct of moral self-preservation. It corresponds +to the raised arm when a blow threatens." + +"One has the choice between egoism and extinction." + +"It almost amounts to that. Perhaps, after long experience and much +suffering, the individuality may become secure, and the armour no longer +necessary, but this is a bitter process. Most people become extinct, and +then congratulate themselves on self-conquest." + +"Yes, I suppose so," said Hadria musingly. "How dangerous it is to +congratulate oneself on anything! One never is so near to folly as +then." + +The Professor threw some crumbs to a chaffinch, which had flown down +within a few yards of the tea-table. + +"I think you are disposed, at present, to criticise yourself too +mercilessly," he said in a tone that had drawn forth many a confidence. +It was not to be resisted. + +"No; that would be difficult." + +"Your conscience may accuse you severely, but who of us escapes such +accusations? Be a little charitable with yourself, as you would with +others. Life, you know, is not such an easy game to play. Beginners +must make wrong moves now and then." + +There was a long pause. + +"It sounds so mild when you put it like that. But I am not a beginner. I +am quite a veteran, yet I am not seasoned. My impulses are more +imperious, more blinding than I had the least idea of." (The words +hastened on.) "Life comes and pulls one by the sleeve; stirs, prompts, +bewilders, tempts in a thousand ways; emotion rises in whirlwinds--and +one is confused, and reels and gropes and stumbles, and then some cruel, +clear day one awakes to find the print of intoxicated footsteps in the +precincts of the sanctuary, and recognises oneself as desecrator." + +The Professor leant forward in his low chair. The chaffinch gave a light +chirp, as if to recall him to his duty. Hadria performed it for him. The +chaffinch flew off with the booty. + +"There is no suffering so horrible as that which involves remorse or +self-contempt," he said, and his voice trembled. "To have to settle down +to look upon some part of one's action, of one's moral self, with shame +or scorn, is almost intolerable." + +"Quite intolerable!" + +"We will not extend to ourselves the forbearance due to erring humanity. +This puts us too much on a level with the rest--is that not often the +reason of our harsh self-judgments?" + +"Oh, I have no doubt there is something mean and conceited at the bottom +of it!" exclaimed Hadria. + +There was a step on the lawn behind them. + +The Professor sprang up. He went to meet Valeria and they came to the +table together, talking. Valeria's eyes were bright and her manner +animated. Yes, she was going abroad. It would be delightful to meet +somewhere, if chance favoured them. She thought of Italy. And at that +magic name, they fell into reminiscences of former journeyings; they +talked of towns and temples and palaces, of art, of sunshine; and Hadria +listened silently. + +Once, in her girlhood, when she was scarcely sixteen, she had gone with +her parents and Algitha for a tour in Italy. It was a short but vivid +experience which had tinged her life, leaving a memory and a longing +that never died. The movement of travel, the sense of change and +richness offered to eye and mind, remained with her always; the vision +of a strange, tumultuous, beautiful world; of exquisite Italian cities, +of forests and seas; of classic plains and snow-capped mountains; of +treasures of art--the eternal evidence of man's aloofness, on one side +of him, from the savage element in nature--and glimpses of cathedral +domes and palace walls; and villages clinging like living things to the +hill-sides, or dreaming away their drowsy days in some sunny valley. And +then the mystery that every work of man enshrines; the life, the +thought, the need that it embodies, and the passionate histories that it +hides! It was as if the sum and circumstance of life had mirrored itself +in the memory, once and for all. The South lured her with its languor, +its colour, its hot sun, and its splendid memories. It was exquisite +pleasure and exquisite pain to listen to the anticipations of these two, +who were able to wander as they would. + +"Siena?" said Valeria with a sigh, "I used to know Siena when I was +young and happy. That was where I made the fatal mistake in my life. It +is all a thing of the past now. I might have married a good and +brilliantly intellectual man, whom I could respect and warmly admire; +for whom I had every feeling but the one that we romantic women think so +essential, and that people assure us is the first to depart." + +"You regret that you held fast to your own standard?" said Hadria. + +"I regret that I could not see the wisdom of taking the good that was +offered to me, since I could not have that which I wished. Now I have +neither." + +"How do you know you would have found the other good really +satisfactory!" + +"I believe in the normal," said Valeria, "having devoted my existence to +an experiment of the abnormal." + +"I don't think what we call the normal is, by any means, so safe as it +sounds, for civilized women at any rate," observed the Professor. + +Valeria shook her head, and remained silent. But her face expressed the +sad thoughts left unsaid. In youth, it was all very well. One had the +whole world before one, life to explore, one's powers to test. But later +on, when all that seemed to promise fades away, when the dreams drift +out of sight, and strenuous efforts repeated and repeated, are beaten +down by the eternal obstacles; when the heart is wearied by delay, +disappointment, infruition, vain toil, then this once intoxicating world +becomes a place of desolation to the woman who has rebelled against the +common lot. And all the old instincts awake, to haunt and torment; to +demand that which reason has learnt to deny or to scorn; to burden their +victims with the cruel heritage of the past; to whisper regrets and +longings, and sometimes to stir to a conflict and desperation that end +in madness. + +"I believe I should have been happier, if I had married some commonplace +worthy in early life, and been the mother of ten children," Valeria +observed, aloud. + +Hadria laughed. "By this time, you or the ten children would have come +to some tragic end. I don't know which I would pity most." + +"I don't see why I shouldn't be able to do what other women have done," +cried Valeria. + +"A good deal more. But think, Valeria, of ten particular constitutions +to grapple with, ten sets of garments to provide, ten series of ailments +to combat, ten--no, let me see, two hundred and forty teeth to take to +the dentist, not to mention characters and consciences in all their +developments and phases, rising, on this appalling decimal system of +yours, to regions of arithmetic far beyond my range." + +"You exaggerate preposterously!" cried Valeria, half annoyed, although +she laughed. She had the instinctive human desire to assert her ability +in the direction where of all others it was lacking. + +"And think of the uprush of impulse, good and evil; the stirring of the +thought, the movements of longing and wonder, and then all the greedy +selfishness of youth, with its untamed vigours and its superb hopes. +What help does a child get from its parents, in the midst of this +tumult, out of which silently, the future man or woman emerges--and +grows, remember, according to the manner in which the world meets these +generous or these baser movements of the soul?" + +"You would frighten anyone from parenthood!" cried Valeria, +discontentedly. + +"Admit at least, that eight, or even seven, would have satisfied you." + +"Well, I don't mind foregoing the last three or four," said Valeria. +"But seriously, I think that a home and so forth, is the best that life +has to offer to us women. It is, perhaps, not asking much, but I believe +if one goes further, one fares worse." + +"We all think the toothache would be so much more bearable, if it were +only in the other tooth," said the Professor. + +A silence fell upon the three. Their thoughts were evidently busy. + +"I feel sorry," the Professor said at last, "that this should be your +testimony. It has always seemed to me ridiculous that a woman could not +gratify her domestic sentiments, without being claimed by them, body and +soul. But I hoped that our more developed women would show us that they +could make a full and useful and interesting life for themselves, even +if that particular side of existence were denied them. I thought they +might forego it for the sake of other things." + +"Not without regretting it." + +"Yet I have met women who held different opinions." + +"Probably rather inexperienced women," said Valeria. + +"Young women, but----" + +"Ah, young women. What do _they_ know? The element of real horror in a +woman's life does not betray itself, until the moment when the sense of +age approaches. Then, and not till then, she knows how much mere +superficial and transitory attractions have had to do with making her +life liveable and interesting. Then, and not till then, she realizes +that she has unconsciously held the position of adventuress in society, +getting what she could out of it, by means of personal charm; never +resting on established right, for she has none. As a wife, she acquires +a sort of reflected right. One must respect her over whom Mr. So-and-So +has rights of property. Well, is it not wise to take what one can +get--the little glory of being the property of Mr. So-and-So? I have +scorned this opportunism all my life, and now I regret having scorned +it. And I think, if you could get women to be sincere, they would tell +you the same tale." + +"And what do you think of the scheme of life, which almost forces upon +our finest women, or tempts them to practise, this sort of opportunism?" + +"I think it is simply savage," answered Valeria. + +Again a silence fell on the little group. The spoken words seemed to +call up a host of words unspoken. There was to Hadria, a personal as +well as a general significance in each sentence, that made her listen +breathlessly for the next. + +"How would you define a good woman?" she asked. + +"Precisely as I would define a good man," replied the Professor. + +"Oh, I think we ask more of the woman," said Valeria. + +"We do indeed!" cried Hadria, with a laugh. + +"One may find people with a fussy conscience, a nervous fear of +wrong-doing, who are without intelligence and imagination, but you never +meet the noblest, and serenest, and largest examples of goodness without +these attributes," said the Professor. + +"This is not the current view of goodness in women," said Hadria. + +"Naturally. The less intelligence and imagination the better, if our +current morality is to hold its own. We want our women to accept its +dogmas without question. We tell them how to be good, and if they don't +choose to be good in that way, we call them bad. Nothing could be +simpler." + +"I believe," said Hadria, "that the women who are called good have much +to do with the making of those that are called bad. The two kinds are +substance and shadow. We shall never get out of the difficulty till they +frankly shake hands, and admit that they are all playing the same game." + +"Oh, they will never do that," exclaimed Valeria, laughing and shaking +her head. "What madness!" + +"Why not? The thing is so obvious. They are like the two sides of a +piece of embroidery: one all smooth and fair, the other rough and ugly, +showing the tag ends and the fastenings. But since the embroidery is +insisted on, I can't see that it is of any moral consequence on which +side of the canvas one happens to be." + +"It is chiefly a matter of luck," said the Professor. + +A long shadow fell across Hadria as she spoke, blotting out the little +flicker of the sunlight that shone through the stirring leaves. +Professor Theobald had crept up softly across the lawn, and as the +chairs were turned towards the flower-borders, he had approached +unobserved. + +Hadria gave so violent a start when she heard his voice, that Professor +Fortescue looked at her anxiously. He thought her nerves must be +seriously out of order. The feverish manner of her greeting to the +new-comer, confirmed his fear. Professor Theobald apologized for +intruding. He had given up his intention of going up to town to-day. He +meant to put it off till next week. He could not miss Fortescue's visit. +One could not tell when one might see him again. + +And Professor Theobald led the conversation airily on; talking fluently, +and at times brilliantly, but always with that indefinable touch of +something ignoble, something coarse, that now filled Hadria with +unspeakable dismay. She was terrified lest the other two should go, and +he should remain. And yet she ought to speak frankly to him. His +conversation was full of little under-meanings, intended for her only to +understand; his look, his manner to her made her actually hate him. Yet +she felt the utter inconsequence and injustice of her attitude. _He_ +had not changed. There was nothing new in him. The change was in +herself. Professor Fortescue had awakened her. But, of course, he was +one in ten thousand. It was not fair to make the comparison by which +Professor Theobald suffered so pitiably. At that moment, as if Fate had +intended to prove to her how badly Professor Theobald really stood +comparison with any thoroughly well-bred man, even if infinitely beneath +him intellectually, Joseph Fleming happened to call. He was his old self +again, simple, friendly, contented. Theobald was in one of his +self-satisfied moods. Perhaps he enjoyed the triumph of his position in +regard to Hadria. At any rate, he seemed to pounce on the new-comer as a +foil to his own brilliancy. Joseph had no talent to oppose to it, but he +had a simple dignity, the offspring of a kind and generous nature, which +made Professor Theobald's conduct towards him appear contemptible. +Professor Fortescue shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Hadria tried to +change the topic; the flush deepening in her cheeks. Professor Fortescue +attempted to come to her aid. Joseph Fleming laughed good-naturedly. + +They sat late into the evening. Theobald could not find an excuse to +outstay his colleague, since they were both guests at the same house. + +"I must see you alone some time to-morrow," he managed to whisper. There +was no time for a reply. + +"I shall go and rest before dinner," said Valeria. + +Hadria went into the house by the open window of the drawing-room. She +sank back on the sofa; a blackness came before her eyes. + +"No, no, I won't, I _won't_. Let me learn not to let things overpower +me, in future." + +When Valeria entered, dressed for dinner, she found Hadria, deadly pale, +standing against the sofa, whose arm she was grasping with both hands, +as if for dear life. Valeria rushed forward. + +"Good heavens, Hadria! are you going to faint?" + +"No," said Hadria, "I am not going to faint, if there is such a thing as +human will." + + + + +CHAPTER XLV. + + +The morning had passed as usual, but household arrangements at the +Cottage had required much adjustment, one of the maids being ill. She +had been sent away for a rest, and the difficulty was to find another. +Mary went from the Red House as substitute, in the mean time, and the +Red House became disorganised. + +"You look distracted with these little worries, Hadria. I should have +said that some desperate crisis was hanging over you, instead of merely +a domestic disturbance." Valeria was established on the lawn, with a +book. + +"I am going to seek serenity in the churchyard," explained Hadria. + +"But I thought Professor Theobald said something about calling." + +"I leave you to entertain him, if he comes," Hadria returned, and +hastened away. She stopped at Martha's cottage for the child. Ah! What +would become of her if it were not for Martha? The two sauntered +together along the Craddock road. + +All night long, Hadria had been trying to decide when and how to speak +to Professor Theobald. Should she send for him? Should she write to him? +Should she trust to chance for an opportunity of speaking? But, no, she +could not endure to see him again in the presence of others, before she +had spoken! Yesterday's experience had been too terrible. She had +brought pencil and paper with her, in order to be able to write to him, +if she decided on that course. There were plenty of retired nooks under +the shade of the yew-trees in the churchyard, where one could write. +The thick hedges made it perfectly secluded, and at this hour, it was +always solitary. Little Martha was gathering wild-flowers in the hedges. +She used to pluck them to lay on her mother's grave. She had but a vague +idea of that unknown mother, but Hadria had tried to make the dead woman +live again, in the child's mind, as a gentle and tender image. The +little offering was made each time that they took their walk in the +direction of Craddock. The grave looked fresh and sweet in the summer +sunshine, with the ivy creeping up the tomb-stone and half obliterating +the name. A rose-tree that Hadria and Martha had planted together, was +laden with rich red blooms. + +The two figures stood, hand in hand, by the grave. The child stooped to +place her little tribute of flowers at the head of the green mound. +Neither of them noticed a tall figure at the wicket gate. He stood +outside, looking up the path, absolutely motionless. Martha let go +Hadria's hand, and ran off after a gorgeous butterfly that had fluttered +over the headstone: a symbol of the soul; fragile, beautiful, helpless +thing that any rough hand may crush and ruin. Hadria turned to watch the +graceful, joyous movement of the child, and her delight in the beauty of +the rich brown wings, with their enamelled spots of sapphire. + +"Hadria!" + +She gave a little gasping cry, and turned sharply. Professor Theobald +looked at her with an intent, triumphant expression. She stood before +him, for the moment, as if paralysed. It was by no means the first time +that this look had crossed his face, but she had been blind, and had not +fully understood it. He interpreted her cry and her paleness, as signs +of the fullness of his power over her. This pleased him immeasurably. +His self-love basked and purred. He felt that his moment of triumph had +come. Contrasting this meeting with the last occasion when they had +stood together beside this grave, had he not ground for self-applause? +He remembered so well that unpleasant episode. It was Hadria who stood +_then_ in the more powerful position. He had actually feared to meet her +eye. He remembered how bitterly she had spoken, of her passion for +revenge, of the relentless feud between man and woman. They had +discussed the question of vengeance; he had pointed out its futility, +and Hadria had set her teeth and desired it none the less. Lady Engleton +had reminded her of a woman's helplessness if she places herself in +opposition to a man, for whom all things are ordered in the society that +he governs; her only chance of striking a telling blow being through his +passions. If he were in love with her, _then_ there might be some hope +of making him wince. And Hadria, with a fierce swiftness had accepted +the condition, with a mixture of confidence in her own power of rousing +emotion, if she willed, and of scorn for the creature who could be +appealed to through his passions, but not through his sense of justice. +That she might herself be in that vulnerable condition, had not appeared +to strike her as possible. It was a challenge that he could not but +accept. She attracted him irresistibly. From the first moment of +meeting, he had felt her power, and recognized, at the same time, the +strange spirit of enmity that she seemed to feel towards him, and to +arouse in him against her. He felt the savage in him awake, the desire +of mere conquest. Long had he waited and watched, and at last he had +seen her flush and tremble at his approach; and as if to make his +victory more complete and insolent, it was at _this_ grave that she was +to confess herself ready to lose the world for his sake! Yes; and she +should understand the position of affairs to the full, and consent +nevertheless! + +Her adoption of the child had added to his triumph. He could not think +of it without a sense of something humourous in the relation of events. +If ever Fate was ironical, this was the occasion! He felt so sure of +Hadria to-day, that he was swayed by an overpowering temptation to +reveal to her the almost comic situation. It appealed to his sense of +the absurd, and to the savagery that lurked, like a beast of prey, at +the foundation of his nature. Her evident emotion when he arrived +yesterday afternoon and all through his visit, her agitation to-day, at +the mere sound of his voice, assured him that his hold over her was +secure. He must be a fool indeed if he could not keep it, in spite of +revelations. To offer himself to her threatened vengeance of his own +accord, and to see her turned away disarmed, because she loved him; that +would be the climax of his victory! + +There was something of their old antagonism, in the attitude in which +they stood facing one another by the side of the grave, looking straight +into one another's eyes. The sound of the child's happy laughter floated +back to them across the spot where its mother lay at rest. Whether +Theobald's intense consciousness of the situation had, in some way, +affected Hadria, or whether his expression had given a clue, it would be +difficult to say, but suddenly, as a whiff of scent invades the senses, +she became aware of a new and horrible fact which had wandered into her +mind, she knew not how; and she took a step backwards, as if stunned, +breathing shortly and quickly. Again he interpreted this as a sign of +intense feeling. + +"Hadria," he said bending towards her, "you do love me?" He did not wait +for her answer, so confident did he feel. "You love me for myself, not +for my virtues or qualities, for I have but few of those, alas!" She +tried to speak, but he interrupted her. "I want to make a confession to +you. I can never forget what you said that day of Marion Fenwick's +wedding, at the side of this very grave; you said that you wanted to +take vengeance on the man who had brought such misery to this poor +woman. You threatened--at least, it amounted to a threat--to make him +fall in love with you, if ever you should meet him, and to render him +miserable through his passion. I loved you and I trembled, but I thought +to myself, 'What if I could make her return my love? Where would the +vengeance be _then_?'" + +Hadria had remained, for a second, perfectly still, and then turned +abruptly away. + +"I knew it would be a shock to you. I did not dare to tell you before. +Think what depended on it for me. Had I told you at that moment, I knew +all hope for me would be at an end. But now, it seems to me my duty to +tell you. If you wish for vengeance still, here I am at your mercy--take +it." He stretched out his arms and stood waiting before her. But she was +silent. He was not surprised. Such a revelation, at such a moment, must, +of necessity, stun her. + +"Hadria, pronounce my fate. Do you wish for vengeance still? You have +only to take it, if you do. Only for heaven's sake, don't keep me in +suspense. Tell me your decision." + +Still silence. + +"Do you want to take revenge on me now?" he repeated. + +"No;" she said abruptly, "of what use would it be? No, no, wait, wait a +moment. I want no vengeance. It is useless for women to try to fight +against men; they can only _hate_ them!" + +The Professor started, as if he had been struck. + +They stood looking at one another. + +"In heaven's name, what is the meaning of this? Am I to be hated for a +sin committed years ago, and long since repented? Have you no breadth of +sympathy, no tolerance for erring humanity? Am I never to be forgiven? +Oh, Hadria, Hadria, this is more than I can bear!" + +She was standing very still and very calm. Her tones were clear and +deliberate. + +"If vengeance is futile, so is forgiveness. It undoes no wrong. It is +not a question of forgiveness or of vengeance. I think, after all, if I +were to attempt the impossible by trying to avenge women whom men have +injured, I should begin with the wives. In this case" (she turned to the +grave), "the tragedy is more obvious, but I believe the everyday tragedy +of the docile wife and mother is even more profound." + +"You speak as coldly, as bitterly, as if you regarded me as your worst +enemy--I who love you." He came forward a step, and she drew back +hurriedly. + +"All that is over. I too have a confession to make." + +"Good heavens, what is it? Are you not what I thought you? Have you some +history, some stain--? Don't for pity's sake tell me that!" + +Hadria looked at him, with a cold miserable smile. "That is really +amusing!" she cried; "I should not hold myself responsible to you, for +my past, in any case. My confession relates to the present. I came up +here with this pencil and paper, half resolved to write to you--I wanted +to tell you that--that I find--I find my feelings towards you have +changed----" + +He gave a hoarse, inarticulate cry, and turned sharply round. His hands +went up to his head. Then he veered suddenly, and went fiercely up to +her. + +"Then you _are_ in earnest? You _do_ hate me! for a sin dead and buried? +Good God! could one have believed it? Because I was honest with you, +where another man would have kept the matter dark, I am to be thrown +over without a word, without a chance. Lord, and this is what a woman +calls love!" + +He broke into a laugh that sounded ghastly and cruel, in the serene calm +of the churchyard. The laugh seemed to get the better of him. He had +lost self-control. He put his hands on his hips and went on laughing +harshly, yet sometimes with a real mirth, as if by that means only could +he express the fierce emotions that had been roused in him. Mortified +and furious as he was, he derived genuine and cynical amusement from the +incident. + +"And the devotion that we have professed--think of it! and the union of +souls--ha, ha, ha! and the common interests and the deep sympathy--it is +screaming! Almost worth the price I pay, for the sake of the rattling +good joke! And by this grave! Great heavens, how humourous is destiny!" +He leant his arms on the tomb-stone and laughed on softly, his big form +shaking, his strange sinister face appearing over the stone, irradiated +with merriment. In the dusk, among the graves, the grinning face looked +like that of some mocking demon, some gargoyle come to life, to cast a +spell of evil over the place. + +"Ah, me, life has its comic moments!" His eyes were streaming. "I fear I +must seem to you flippant, but you will admit the ludicrous side of the +situation. I am none the less ready to cut my throat--ha, ha, ha! Admit, +my dear Hadria--Mrs. Temperley--that it appeals also to _your_ sense of +humour. A common sense of humour, you know, was one of our bonds of +union. What more appropriate than that we should part with shaking +sides? Oh, Lord! oh, Lord! what am I to do? One can't live on a good +joke for ever." + +He grasped his head in his hands; then suddenly, he broke out into +another paroxysm. "The feminine nature always the same, always, always; +infinitely charming and infinitely volatile. Delicious, and oh how +instructive!" + +He slowly recovered calmness, and remained leaning on the gravestone. + +"May I ask when this little change began to occur!" he asked presently. + +"If you will ask in a less insolent fashion." + +He drew himself up from his leaning attitude, and repeated the question, +in different words. + +Hadria answered it, briefly. + +"Oh, I see," he said, the savage gleam coming back to his eyes. "The +change in your feelings began when Fortescue appeared?" + +Hadria flushed. + +"It was when he appeared that I became definitely aware of that which I +had been struggling with all my might and main to hide from myself, for +a long time." + +"And that was----?" + +"That there was something in you that made me--well, why should I not +say it?--that made me shrink." + +He set his lips. + +"You have not mentioned the mysterious something." + +"An element that I have been conscious of from the first day I saw you." + +"Something that _I_ had, and Fortescue had _not_, it would seem." + +"Yes." + +"And so, on account of this diaphanous, indescribable, exquisite +something, I am to be calmly thrown over; calmly told to go about my +business!" He began to walk up and down the pathway, with feverish +steps, talking rapidly, and representing Hadria's conduct in different +lights, each one making it appear more absurd and more unjust than the +last. + +"I have no defence to make," she said, "I know I have behaved +contemptibly; self-deception is no excuse. I can explain but not justify +myself. I wanted to escape from my eternal self; I was tired of fighting +and always in vain. I wanted to throw myself into the life and hopes of +somebody else, somebody who _had_ some chance of a real and effective +existence. Then other elements of attraction and temptation came; your +own memory will tell how many there were. You knew so well how to +surround me with these. Everything conspired to tempt me. It seemed as +if, in you, I had found a refuge from myself. You have no little power +over the emotions, as you are aware. My feeling has been genuine, heaven +knows! but, always, always, through it all, I have been aware of this +element that repels me; and I have distrusted you." + +"I knew you distrusted me," he said gloomily. + +"It is useless to say I bitterly regret it all. Naturally, I regret it +far more bitterly than you can do. And if my conduct towards you rankles +in your heart, you can remember that I have to contend with what is far +worse than any sense of being badly treated: the sense of having treated +someone badly." + +He walked up and down, with bent head and furrowed brows. He looked like +some restless wild animal pacing its cage. Intense mortification gave +him a strange, malicious expression. He seemed to be casting about for a +means of returning the stunning blow that he had received, just at the +moment of expected triumph. + +"Damn!" he exclaimed with sudden vehemence, and stood still, looking +down into Hadria's face, with cruel, glittering eyes. + +He glanced furtively around. There was no one in sight. Even little +Martha was making mud-pies by the church door. The thick yew trees shut +in the churchyard from the village. There was not a sound, far or near, +to break the sense of seclusion. + +"And you mean to tell me we are to part? You mean to tell me that this +is your final decision?" + +She bowed her head. With a sudden strong movement, he flung his arms +round her and clasped her in an embrace, as fierce and revengeful as the +sweep of the wind which sends great trees crashing to the ground, and +ships to the bottom of the sea. + +"You don't love me?" he enquired. + +"Let me go, let me go--coward--madman!" + +"You don't love me?" he repeated. + +"I _hate_ you--let me go!" + +"If this is the last time----" + +"I wish I could _kill_ you!" + +"Ah, that is the sort of woman I like!" + +"You make me know what it is to feel like a murderess!" + +"And to look like one, by heaven!" + +She wrenched herself away, with a furious effort. + +"Coward!" she cried. "I did right to mistrust you!" + +Little Martha ran up and offered her a wild heartsease which she had +found on one of the graves. Hadria, trembling and white, stooped +instinctively to take the flower, and as she did so, the whole +significance of the afternoon's revelation broke over her, with fresh +intensity. His child! + +He stood watching her, with malice in his eyes. + +"Come, come, Martha, let us go, let us go," she cried, feverishly. + +He moved backwards along the path, as they advanced. + +"I have to thank you for bestowing a mother's care on my poor child. You +can suppose what a joy the thought has been to me all along." + +Hadria flushed. + +"You need not thank me," she answered. "As you know, I did it first for +her mother's sake, and out of hatred to you, unknown as you then were to +me. Now I will do it for her own sake, and out of hatred to you, +bitterer than ever." + +She stooped to take the child's hand. + +"You are most kind, but I could not think of troubling you any longer. I +think of taking the little one myself. She will be a comfort to me, and +will cheer my lonely home. And besides you see, duty, Mrs. Temperley, +duty----" + +Hadria caught her breath, and stopped short. + +"You are going to take her away from me? You are going to revenge +yourself like that?" + +"You have made me feel my responsibilities towards my child, as I fear I +did not feel them before. I am powerless, of course, to make up for the +evil I have done her, but I can make some reparation. I can take her to +live with me; I can give her care and attention, I can give her a good +education. I have made up my mind." + +Hadria stood before him, white as the gravestone. + +"You said that vengeance was futile. So it is. Leave the child to me. +She shall--she shall want for nothing. Only leave her to me." + +"Duty must be our first consideration," he answered suavely. + +"I can give her all she needs. Leave her to me." + +But the Professor shook his head. + +"How do I know you have told me the truth?" Hadria exclaimed, with a +flash of fury. + +"Do you mean to dispute it?" he asked. + +She was silent. + +"I think you would find that a mistaken policy," he said, watching her +face. + +"I don't believe you can take her away!" cried Hadria. "I am acting for +her mother, and her mother, not having made herself into your legal +property, _has_ some legal right to her own child. I don't believe you +can make me give her up." + +The Professor looked at her calmly. + +"I think you will find that the law has infinite respect for a father's +holiest feelings. Would you have it interfere with his awakening +aspirations to do his duty towards his child? What a dreadful thought! +And then, I think you have some special views on the education of the +little one which I cannot entirely approve. After all, a woman has +probably to be a wife and mother, on the good old terms that have served +the world for a fair number of centuries, when one comes to consider it: +it is a pity to allow her to grow up without those dogmas and sentiments +that may help to make the position tolerable, if not always +satisfactory, to her. Though, as a philosopher, one may see the +absurdity of popular prejudices, yet as a practical man, one feels the +inexpediency of disturbing the ideas upon which the system depends, and +thus adding to the number of malcontents. All very well for those who +think things out for themselves; but the education of a girl should be +on the old lines, believe me. You will not believe me, I know, so I +think it better, for this as well as for other reasons, to take my +daughter under my own care. I am extremely sorry that you should have +had all this trouble and responsibility for nothing. And I am grieved +that your educational idea should be so frustrated, but what am I to do? +My duty is obvious!" + +"I regret that you did not become a devotee to duty, either a little +sooner or a little later," Hadria returned. "For the present, I suppose +Martha will remain with Hannah, until your conscience decides what +course you will take, and until I see whether you can carry out your +threat." + +"Certainly, certainly! I don't wish to give you any unnecessary pain." + +"You are consideration itself." Hadria stooped to take the child's hand. +The little fingers nestled confidingly in her palm. + +"Will you say good-bye, Martha?" asked the Professor, stooping to kiss +her. Martha drew away, and struck her father a sturdy blow on the face. +She had apparently a vague idea that he had been unkind to her +protectress, and that he was an enemy. + +"Oh, cruel, cruel! What if I don't bring her any more toys?" Martha +threatened tears. + +"Will you allow us to pass?" said Hadria. The Professor stood aside, and +the two went, hand in hand, down the narrow path, and through the wicket +gate out of the churchyard. Hadria carried still the drooping yellow +heartsease that the little girl had given her. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVI. + + +Professor Theobald made his confession to Lady Engleton on that same +night, when he also announced that he found it suddenly necessary to +return to town. + +It was some time before she recovered from her astonishment and horror. +He told his story quietly, and without an effort to excuse himself. + +"Of course, though I can't exonerate you, Professor, I blame her more +than you," she said finally, "for her standard in the matter was so +different from your's--you being a man." + +The Professor suppressed a smile. It always seemed strange to him that a +woman should be harder on her own sex than on his, but he had no +intention of discouraging this lack of _esprit de corps_; it had its +obvious conveniences. + +"Did she confess everything to her aunt after her return from +Portsmouth?" asked Lady Engleton. + +"Yes; I have that letter now." + +"In which your name is mentioned?" + +"In which my name is mentioned. I sent money to the girl, but she +returned it. She said that she hated me, and would not touch it. So I +gave the money to the aunt, and told her to send it on, in her own name, +to Ellen, for the child's support. Of course I made secrecy a condition. +So as a matter of fact, I have acknowledged the child, though not +publicly, and I have contributed to its support from its birth." + +"But I thought Mrs. Temperley had been supporting it!" cried Lady +Engleton. + +"Nevertheless I have continued to send the money to the aunt. If Mrs. +Temperley chose to take charge of the child, I certainly had nothing to +complain of. And I could not openly contribute without declaring +myself." + +"Dear me, it is all very strange! What would Hadria say if she knew?" + +"She does know." + +"What, all along?" + +"No, since yesterday." + +"And how does she take it?" + +"She is bitter against me. It is only natural, especially as I told her +that I wanted to have the child under my own care." + +"Ah, that will be a blow to her. She was wrapped up in the little girl." + +Professor Theobald pointed out the difficulties that must begin to crop +up, as she grew older. The child could not have the same advantages, in +her present circumstances, as the Professor would be able to give her. +Lady Engleton admitted that this was true. + +"Then may I count on you to plead my cause with Mrs. Temperley?" + +"If Hadria believes that it is for the child's good, she will not stand +in the way." + +"Unless----. You remember that idea of vengeance that she used to have?" + +"Oh, she would not let vengeance interfere with the child's welfare!" + +"I hope not. You see I don't want to adopt strong measures. The law is +always odious." + +"The law!" Lady Engleton looked startled. "Are you sure that the law +would give you the custody of the child?" + +"Sure of the law? My dear lady, one might as well be sure of a +woman--pardon me; you know that I regard this quality of infinite +flexibility as one of the supreme charms of your sex. I can't say that I +feel it to be the supreme charm of the law. Mrs. Temperley claims to +have her authority through the mother, because she has the written +consent of the aunt to the adoption, but I think this is rather +stretching a point." + +"I fear it is, since the poor mother was dead at the time." + +"I can prove everything I have said to the satisfaction of anybody," +continued Theobald, "I think my claim to take charge of my child is well +established, and you will admit the wish is not unreasonable." + +"It does you great credit, but, oh dear, it will be hard for Mrs. +Temperley." + +"I fear it will. I am most grieved, but what am I to do? I must consider +the best interests of the child." + +"Doubtless, but you are a trifle late, Professor, in thinking of that." + +"Would you prefer it to be never than late?" + +"Heaven forbid!" + +"Then I may rely on you to explain the position of affairs to Mrs. +Temperley? You will understand that it is a painful subject between us." + +Lady Engleton readily promised. She called at the Red House immediately +after Professor Theobald's departure. The interview was long. + +"Then I have not spoken in vain, dear Hadria?" said Lady Engleton, in +her most sympathetic tone. Hadria was very pale. + +"On the contrary, you have spoken to convince." + +"I knew that you would do nothing to stand in the way of the child." + +Hadria was silent. + +"I am very sorry about it. You were so devoted to the little girl, and +it does seem terribly hard that she should be taken away from you." + +"It was my last chance," Hadria muttered, half audibly. + +"Then I suppose you will not attempt to resist?" + +"No," said Hadria. + +"He thinks of leaving Martha with you for another month." + +"Really? It has not struck him that perhaps I may not keep her for +another month. Now that it is once established that Martha is to be +regarded as under _his_ guardianship and authority, and that my +jurisdiction ceases, he must take her at once. I will certainly not act +for _him_ in that matter. Since you are in his confidence, would you +kindly tell him that?" + +Lady Engleton looked surprised. "Certainly; I suppose he and his sister +will look after the child." + +"I shall send Martha up with Hannah." + +"It will astonish him." + +"Does he really think I am going to act as his deputy?" + +"He thought you would be glad to have Martha as long as possible." + +"As the child of Ellen Jervis, yes--not as his child." + +"I don't see that it matters much, myself," said Lady Engleton, +"however, I will let him know." + +"By telegram, please, because Martha will be sent to-morrow." + +"What breathless haste!" + +"Why delay? Hannah will be there--she knows everything about her charge; +and if she is only allowed to stay----" + +"He told me he meant to keep her." + +"I am thankful for that!" + +By this time, the story had flown through the village; nothing else was +talked of. The excitement was intense. Gossip ran high in hall and +cottage. Professor Fortescue alone could not be drawn into the +discussion. Lady Engleton took him aside and asked what he really +thought about it. All he would say was that the whole affair was deeply +tragic. He had no knowledge of the circumstances and feelings involved, +and his judgment must therefore be useless. It seemed more practical to +try to help one's fellows to resist sin, than to shriek at convicted +sinners. + +His departure had been fixed for the following morning. + +"So you and poor little Martha will go up together by the afternoon +train, I suppose," said Lady Engleton. + +Hadria spent the rest of the day at Martha's cottage. There were many +preparations to make. Hannah was bustling about, her eyes red with +weeping. She was heart-broken. She declared that she could never live +with "that bad man." But Hadria persuaded her, for Martha's sake, to +remain. And Hannah, with another burst of tears, gave an assurance which +amounted to a pledge, that she would take a situation with the Father of +Evil himself, rather than desert the blessed child. + +"I wonder if Martha realizes at all what is going to happen," said +Hadria sadly, as she stood watching the little girl playing with her +toys. Martha was talking volubly to the blue man. He still clung to a +precarious existence (though he was seriously chipped and faded since +the Paris days), and had as determined a centre of gravity as ever. + +"I don't think she understands, ma'am," said Hannah. "I kep' on tellin' +her, and once she cried and said she did not want to go, but she soon +forgot it." + +Hadria remained till it was time to dress for dinner. Professor +Fortescue had promised to dine with her and Valeria on this last +evening. Little Martha had been put early to bed, in order that she +might have a long rest before the morrow's journey. The golden curls lay +like strands of silk on the pillow, the bright eyes were closed in +healthful slumber. The child lay, the very image of fresh and pure and +sweet human life, with no thought and no dread of the uncertain future +that loomed before her. Hannah had gone upstairs to pack her own +belongings. The little window was open, as usual, letting the caressing +air wander in, as sweet and fresh as the little body and soul to which +it had ministered from the beginning. + +The busy, loud-ticking clock was working on with cheerful unconcern, as +if this were just like every other day whose passing moments it had +registered. The hands were pointing towards seven, and the dinner hour +was half-past seven. Hadria stood looking down at the sleeping child, +her hands resting on the low rail of the cot. There was a desolate look +in her eyes, and something more terrible still, almost beyond +definition. It was like the last white glow of some vast fire that has +been extinguished. + +Suddenly--as something that gives way by the run, after a long +resistance--she dropped upon her knees beside the cot with a slight cry, +and broke into a silent storm of sobs, deep and suppressed. The +stillness of the room was unbroken, and one could hear the loud +tick-tack of the little clock telling off the seconds with business-like +exactness. + + + + +CHAPTER LVII. + + +The evening was sultry. Although the windows of the dining-room were +wide open, not a breath of air came in from the garden. A dull, muggy +atmosphere brooded sullenly among the masses of the evergreens, and in +the thick summer foliage of the old walnut tree on the lawn. + +"How oppressive it is!" Valeria exclaimed. + +She had been asked to allow a niece of Madame Bertaux, who was to join +some friends in Italy, to make the journey under her escort, and the +date of her departure was therefore fixed. She had decided to return to +town on the morrow, to make her preparations. + +Valeria declared impulsively that she would stay at home, after all. She +could not bear to leave Hadria for so many lonely months. + +"Oh, no, no," cried Hadria in dismay, "don't let me begin _already_ to +impoverish other lives!" + +Valeria remonstrated but Hadria persisted. + +"At least I have learnt _that_ lesson," she said. "I should have been a +fool if I hadn't, for my life has been a sermon on the text." + +Professor Fortescue gave a little frown, as he often did when some +painful idea passed through his mind. + +"It is happening everywhere," said Hadria, "the poor, sterile lives +exhaust the strong and full ones. I will not be one of those vampire +souls, at least not while I have my senses about me." + +Again, the little frown of pain contracted the Professor's brow. + +The dusk had invaded the dinner table, but they had not thought of +candles. They went straight out to the still garden. Valeria had a fan, +with which she vainly tried to overcome the expression of the +atmosphere. She was very low-spirited. Hadria looked ill and exhausted. +Little Martha's name was not mentioned. It was too sore a subject. + +"I can't bear the idea of leaving you, Hadria, especially when you talk +like that. I wish, _how_ I wish, that some way could be found out of +this labyrinth. Is this sort of thing to be the end of all the grand new +hopes and efforts of women? Is all our force to be killed and +overwhelmed in this absurd way?" + +"Ah, no, not all, in heaven's name!" + +"But if women won't repudiate, in practice, the claims that they hold to +be unjust, in theory, how can they hope to escape? We may talk to all +eternity, if we don't act." + +Hadria shrugged her shoulders. + +"Your reasoning is indisputable, but what can one do? There _are_ +cases----in short, some things are impossible!" + +Valeria was silent. "I have thought, at times, that you might make a +better stand," she said at last, clinging still to her theory of the +sovereignty of the will. + +Hadria did not reply. + +The Professor shook his head. + +"You know my present conditions," said Hadria, after a silence. "I can't +overcome them. But perhaps some one else in my place might overcome +them. I confess I don't see how. Do you?" + +Valeria hesitated. She made some vague statement about strength of +character, and holding on through storm and stress to one's purpose; had +not this been the history of all lives worth living? + +Hadria agreed, but pressed the practical question. And that Valeria +could not answer. She could not bring herself to say that the doctor's +warnings ought to be disregarded by Hadria, at the risk of her mother's +life. It was not merely a risk, but a practical certainty that any +further shock or trouble would be fatal. Valeria was tongue-tied. + +"Now do you see why I feel so terrified when anyone proposes to narrow +down his existence, even in the smallest particular, for my sake?" asked +Hadria. "It is because I see what awful power a human being may acquire +of ravaging and of ruling other lives, and I don't want to acquire that +power. I see that the tyranny may be perfectly well-intentioned, and +indeed scarcely to be called tyranny, for it is but half conscious, yet +only the more irresistible for that." + +"It is one's own fault if one submits to _conscious_ tyranny," the +Professor put in, "and I think tyrant and victim are then much on a +par." + +"A mere _demand_ can be resisted," Hadria added; "it is _grief_, real +grief, however unreasonable, that brings people to their knees. But, oh, +may the day hasten, when people shall cease to grieve when others claim +their freedom!" + +Valeria smiled. "I don't think you are in much danger of grudging +liberty to your neighbours, Hadria; so you need not be so frightened of +becoming a vampire, as I think you call it." + +"Not _now_, but how can one tell what the result of years and years of +monotonous existence may be, or the effect of example? How did it happen +that my mother came to feel aggrieved if her daughters claimed some +right of choice in the ordering of their lives? I suppose it is because +_her_ mother felt aggrieved if _she_ ventured to call her soul her own." + +Valeria laughed. + +"But it is true," said Hadria. "Very few of us, if any, are in the least +original as regards our sorrowing. We follow the fashion. We are not so +presumptuous as to decide for ourselves what shall afflict us." + +"Or what shall transport us with joy," added Valeria, with a shrug. + +"Still less perhaps. Tradition says 'Weep, this is the moment,' or +'Rejoice, the hour has come,' and we chant our dirge or kindle our +bonfires accordingly. Why, it means a little martyrdom to the occasional +sinner who selects his own occasion for sorrow or for joy." + +Valeria laughed at the notion of Hadria's being under the dictatorship +of tradition, or of anything else, as to her emotions. + +But Hadria held that everybody was more or less subject to the thraldom. +And the thraldom increased as the mind and the experience narrowed. And +as the narrowing process progressed, she said, the exhausting or vampire +quality grew and grew. + +"I have seen it, I have seen it! Those who have been starved in life, +levy a sort of tax on the plenty of others, in the instinctive effort to +replenish their own empty treasure-house. Only that is impossible. One +can gain no riches in that fashion. One can only reduce one's victim to +a beggary like one's own." + +Valeria was perturbed. + +"The more I see of life, the more bitter a thing it seems to be a woman! +And one of the discouraging features of it is, that women are so ready +to oppress each other!" + +"Because they have themselves suffered oppression," said the Professor. +"It is a law that we cannot evade; if we are injured, we pay back the +injury, whether we will or not, upon our neighbours. If we are blessed, +we bless, but if we are cursed, we curse." + +"These moral laws, or laws of nature, or whatever one likes to call +them, seem to be stern as death!" exclaimed Valeria. "I suppose we are +all inheriting the curse that has been laid upon our mothers through so +many ages." + +"We are not free from the shades of our grandmothers," said Hadria, +"only I hope a little (when I have not been to the Vicarage for some +time) that we may be less of a hindrance and an obsession to our +granddaughters than our grandmothers have been to us." + +"Ah! that way lies hope!" cried the Professor. + +"I wish, I _wish_ I could believe!" Valeria exclaimed. "But I was born +ten years too early for the faith of this generation." + +"It is you who have helped to give this generation its faith," said +Hadria. + +"But have you real hope and real faith, in your heart of hearts? Tell +me, Hadria." + +Hadria looked startled. + +"Ah! I knew it. Women _don't_ really believe that the cloud will lift. +If they really believed what they profess, they would prove it. They +would not submit and resign themselves. Oh, why don't you shew what a +woman can do, Hadria?" + +Hadria gave a faint smile. + +She did not speak for some time, and when she did, her words seemed to +have no direct reference to Valeria's question. + +"I believe that there are thousands and thousands of women whose lives +have run on parallel lines with mine." + +She recalled a strange and grotesque vision, or waking-dream, that she +had dreamt a few nights before: of a vast abyss, black and silent, which +had to be filled up to the top with the bodies of women, hurled down to +the depths of the pit of darkness, in order that the survivors might, at +last, walk over in safety. Human bodies take but little room, and the +abyss seemed to swallow them, as some greedy animal its prey. But Hadria +knew, in her dream, that some day it would have claimed its last victim, +and the surface would be level and solid, so that people would come and +go, scarcely remembering that beneath their feet was once a chasm into +which throbbing lives had to descend, to darkness and a living death. + +Valeria looked anxious and ill at ease. She watched Hadria's face. + +She was longing to urge her to leave Craddock Dene, but was deterred by +the knowledge of the uselessness of such advice. Hadria could not take +it. + +"I chafe against these situations!" cried Valeria. "I am so unused, in +my own life, to such tethers and limitations. They would drive me +crazy!" + +"Oh," Hadria exclaimed, with an amused smile, "this is a new cry!" + +"I don't care," said Valeria discontentedly. "I never supposed that one +_could_ be tied hand and foot, in this way. I should never stand it. It +is intolerable!" + +"These are what you have frequently commended to me as 'home ties,'" +said Hadria. + +"Oh, but it is impossible!" + +"You attack the family!" cried the Professor. + +"If the family makes itself ridiculous----?" + +The Professor and Hadria laughed. Valeria was growing excited. + +"The natural instinct of man to get his fun at his neighbour's expense +meets with wholesome rebuffs in the outer world," said the Professor, +"but in the family it has its chance. That's why the family is so +popular." + +Valeria, with her wonted capriciousness, veered round in defence of the +institution that she had been just jeering at. + +"Well, after all, it is the order of Nature to have one's fun at the +expense of someone, and I don't believe we shall ever be able to +practise any other principle, I mean on a national scale, however much +we may progress." + +"Oh, but we shan't progress unless we _do_," said the Professor. + +"You are always paradoxical." + +"There is no paradox here. I am just as certain as I am of my own +existence, that real, solid, permanent progress is impossible to any +people until they recognise, as a mere truism, that whatever is gained +by cruelty, be it towards the humblest thing alive, is not gain, but the +worst of loss." + +"Oh, you always go too far!" cried Valeria. + +"I don't admit that in a horror of cruelty, it is possible to go too +far," the Professor replied. "Cruelty is the one unpardonable sin." He +passed his hand across his brow, with a weary gesture, as if the +pressure of misery and tumult and anguish in the world, were more than +he could bear. + +"You won't give up your music, Hadria," Valeria said, at the end of a +long cogitation. + +"It is a forlorn sort of pursuit," Hadria answered, with a whimsical +smile, "but I will do all I can." Valeria seemed relieved. + +"And you will not give up hope?" + +"Hope? Of what?" + +"Oh, of--of----. What an absurd question!" + +Hadria smiled. "It is better to face facts, I think, than to shroud them +away. After all, it is only by the rarest chance that character and +conditions happen to suit each other so well that the powers can be +developed. They are generally crushed. One more or less----." Hadria +gave a shrug. + +The Professor broke in, abruptly. + +"It is exactly the one more or less that sends the balance up or down, +that decides the fate of men and nations. An individual often counts +more than a generation. If that were not so, nothing would be possible, +and hope would be insane." + +"Perhaps it is!" said Hadria beneath her breath. + +The Professor had risen. He heard the last words, but made no +remonstrance. Yet there was a something in his expression that gave +comfort. + +"I fear I shall have to be going back," he said, looking at his watch. +As he spoke, the first notes of a nightingale stole out of the +shrubbery. Voices were hushed, and the three stood listening spellbound, +to the wonderful impassioned song. Hadria marvelled at its strange +serenity, despite the passion, and speculated vaguely as to the +possibility of a paradox of the same kind in the soul of a human being. +Passion and serenity? Had not the Professor combined these apparent +contradictions? + +There was ecstasy so supreme in the bird's note that it had become calm +again, like great heat that affects the senses, as with frost, or a +flooded river that runs swift and smooth for very fulness. + +Presently, a second nightingale began to answer from a distant tree, and +the garden was filled with the wild music. One or two stars had already +twinkled out. + +"I ought really to be going," said the Professor. + +But he lingered still. His eyes wandered anxiously to Hadria's white +face. He said good-night to Valeria, and then he and Hadria walked to +the gate together. + +"You will come back and see us at Craddock Dene soon after you return, +won't you?" she said wistfully. + +"Of course I will. And I hope that meanwhile, you will set to work to +get strong and well. All your leisure ought to be devoted to that +object, for the present. I should be so delighted to hear from you now +and again, when you have a spare moment and the spirit moves you. I will +write and tell you how I fare, if I may. If, at any time, I can be of +service to you, don't forget how great a pleasure it would be to me to +render it. I hope if ever I come back to England----" + +"When you come back," Hadria corrected, hastily. + +----"that we may meet oftener." + +"Indeed, that will be something to look forward to!" + +They exchanged the hearty, lingering handshake of trusty friendship and +deep affection. The last words, the last good wishes, were spoken, the +last wistful effort was made of two human souls to bid each other be of +good cheer, and to bring to one another comfort and hope. Hadria leant +on the gate, a lonely figure in the dim star-light, watching the form +that had already become shadowy, retreating along the road and gradually +losing itself in the darkness. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVIII. + + +Autumn had come round again. Craddock Dene had calmed down after the +exciting event of the summer. Martha's little cottage was now standing +empty, the virginia creeper trailing wildly, in thick festoons and +dangling sprays over the porch and creeping up round the windows, even +threatening to cover them with a ruddy screen, since now the bright +little face no longer looked out of the latticed panes, and the cottage +was given over to dust and spiders. + +Mrs. Temperley was often seen by the villagers passing along the road +towards Craddock. She would sometimes pause at the cottage, to gather a +few of the flowers that still came up in the tiny garden. It was said +that she gathered them to lay on Ellen Jervis's grave. + +"Dear, dear, she do take on about that child!" Dodge used to say, as she +passed up the street of Craddock. And Mrs. Gullick, good soul, would +shake her head and express her sympathy, in spite of not "holding" with +Mrs. Temperley's "ways." + +Her poorer neighbours understood far more than the others could +understand, how sorely she was grieving about the child. Because she +said nothing on the subject, it was generally supposed that she had +ceased to care. After all, it was an act of charity that she had +undertaken, on an impulse, and it was quite as well that she should be +relieved of the responsibility. + +Hannah used to write regularly, to let her know how Martha was. +Professor Theobald had directed Hannah to do this. The nurse had to +admit that he was very good and very devoted to the child. She throve in +her new home, and seemed perfectly happy. + +Hadria was now delivered over to the tender mercies of her own thoughts. +Her memories burnt, as corrosive acids, in her brain. She could find no +shadow of protection from her own contempt. There was not one nook or +cranny into which that ruthless self-knowledge could not throw its cruel +glare. In the hours of darkness, in the haunted hours of the early +morning, she and her memories played horrible games with one another. +She was hunted, they the hunters. There was no thought on which she +could rest, no consoling remembrance. She often wished that she had +followed her frequent impulse to tell Miss Du Prel the whole wretched +story. But she could not force herself to touch the subject through the +painful medium of speech. Valeria knew that Hadria was capable of any +outward law-breaking, but she would never be prepared for the breaking +of her own inner law, the real canon on which she had always laid so +much stress. And then she had shrunk from the idea of betraying a secret +not solely her own. If she told the story, Valeria would certainly guess +the name. She felt a still greater longing that Professor Fortescue +should know the facts; he would be able to help her to face it all, and +to take the memory into her life and let its pain eat out what was base +and evil in her soul. He would give her hope; his experience, his +extraordinary sympathy, would enable him to understand it all, better +than she did herself. If he would look at this miserable episode +unflinchingly, and still hold out his hand to her, as she knew he would, +and still believe in her, then she might believe still in herself, in +her power of rising after this lost illusion, this shock of +self-detection, and of going on again, sadder, and perhaps stronger; but +if he thought that since she was capable of a real treason against her +gods, that she was radically unsound at heart, and a mass of +sophistication, then--Hadria buried her face in the pillow. She went +through so often now, these paroxysms of agony. Do what she would, look +where she might, she saw no relief. She was afraid to trust herself. She +was afraid to accept her own suggestions of comfort, if ever a ray of it +came to her, lest it should be but another form of self-deception, +another proof of moral instability. In her eternal tossing to and fro, +in mental anguish, the despairing idea often assailed her: that after +all, it did not matter what she did or thought. She was but an atom of +the vast whole, a drop in the ocean of human life. + +She had no end or motive in anything. She could go on doing what had to +be done to the last, glad if she might bring a little pleasure in so +acting, but beyond that, what was there to consider? The wounds to her +vanity and her pride ached a little, at times, but the infinitely deeper +hurt of disillusion overwhelmed the lesser feeling. She was too +profoundly sad to care for that trivial mortification. + +Sometimes, Professor Fortescue used to write to Hadria, and she looked +forward to these letters as to nothing else. She heard from Valeria +also, who had met the Professor at Siena. She said he did not look as +well as she had hoped to find him. She could not see that he had gained +at all, since leaving England. He was cheerful, and enjoying sunny Italy +as much as his strength would allow. Valeria was shocked to notice how +very weak he was. He had a look in his face that she could not bear to +see. If he did not improve soon, she thought of trying to persuade him +to return home to see his doctor again. When one was ill, home was the +best place after all. + +"You and Professor Fortescue," she said, in closing her letter, "are the +two people I love in the world. You are all that I have in life to cling +to. Write to me, dearest Hadria, for I am very anxious and wretched." + +The affairs of life and death mix themselves incongruously enough, in +this confused world. The next news that stirred the repose of Craddock +Dene, was that of Algitha's engagement to Wilfrid Burton. In spite of +his socialistic views, Mrs. Fullerton was satisfied with the marriage, +because Wilfrid Burton was well-connected and had good expectations. The +mother had feared that Algitha would never marry at all, and she not +only raised no objection, but seemed relieved. Wilfrid Burton had come +down to stay at the Red House, during one of Algitha's holidays, and it +was then that the betrothal had taken place. The marriage promised to be +happy, for the couple were deeply attached and had interests in common. +They intended to continue to work on the same lines after they were +married. Both parents were favourably impressed by the son-in-law elect, +and the Cottage became the scene of exciting arguments on the subject of +socialism. Mr. Fullerton insisted on holding Wilfrid Burton responsible +for every sort of theory that had ever been attributed not merely to +socialists, but to communists, anarchists, collectivists, nihilists, and +the rest; and nothing would persuade him that the young man was not +guilty of all these contradictory enormities of thought. Wilfrid's +personality, however, overcame every prejudice against him, on this +account, after the first meeting. + +Joseph Fleming, among others, congratulated Algitha heartily on her +engagement. + +"I can see you are very happy," he said naively. She laughed and +coloured. + +"Indeed I ought to be. Life is gloriously worth living, when it is lived +in the presence of good and generous souls." + +"I wish _I_ had married," said Joseph pensively. + +"It is not too late to mend," suggested Algitha. + +"How reckless you are!" exclaimed her sister. "How can you recommend +marriage in the abstract? You happen to have met just the right person, +but Mr. Fleming hasn't, it would seem." + +"If one person can be so fortunate, so can another," said Algitha. + +"Why tempt Providence? Rather bear the ills you have----" + +"I am surprised to hear you take a gloomy view of anything, Mrs. +Temperley," said Joseph; "I always thought you so cheerful. You say +funnier things than any lady I have ever met, except an Irish girl who +used to sing comic songs." + +Both sisters laughed. + +"How do you know that, in the intervals of her comic songs, that girl +has not a gloomy disposition?" asked Hadria. + +"Oh no, you can see that she is without a care in the world; she is like +Miss Fullerton, always full of good cheer and kindness." + +"Had she also slums to cheer her up?" asked Hadria. + +"No, not at all. She never does anything in particular." + +"I am surprised that she is cheerful then," said Algitha. "It won't +last." + +"It is her slums that keep my sister in such good spirits," said Hadria. + +"Really! Well, if you are fond of that sort of thing, Mrs. Temperley, +there are some nasty enough places at the lower end of Craddock----" + +"Oh, it isn't that one clings to slums for slums' sake," cried Hadria +laughing. + +"I am afraid they are already overrun with visitors," Joseph added. +"There are so many Miss Walkers." + +It was not long after this conversation, that Craddock Dene was thrilled +by another piece of matrimonial news. Joseph Fleming was announced to be +engaged to the Irish girl who sang comic songs. She was staying with +Mrs. Jordan at the time. And the Irish girl, whose name was Kathleen +O'Halloran, came and sang her comic songs to Craddock Dene, while Joseph +sat and beamed in pride and happiness, and the audience rippled with +laughter. + +Kathleen was very pretty and very fascinating, with her merry, +kind-hearted ways, and she became extremely popular with her future +neighbours. + +Little changes had taken place in the village, through death or marriage +or departure. Dodge had laid to rest many victims of influenza, which +visited the neighbourhood with great severity. Among the slain, poor +Dodge had to number his own wife. The old man was broken down with his +loss. He loved to talk over her illness and death with Hadria, whose +presence seemed to comfort him more than anything else, as he assured +her, in his quaint dialect. + +Sometimes, returning through the Craddock Woods, Hadria would pass +through the churchyard on her way home, after her walk, and there she +would come upon Dodge patiently at work upon some new grave, the sound +of his pickaxe breaking the autumn silence, ominously. His head was more +bent than of yore, and his hair was whiter. His old face would brighten +up when he heard Hadria's footstep, and he would pause, a moment or two, +for a gossip. The conversation generally turned upon his old "missus," +who was buried under a yew tree, near the wicket gate. Then he would ask +after Hadria's belongings; about her father and mother, about Hubert, +and the boys. Mr. Fullerton had made the gravedigger's acquaintance, and +won his hearty regard by many a chat and many a little kindness. Dodge +had never ceased to regret that Martha had been taken away from +Craddock. The place seemed as if it had gone to sleep, he said. Things +weren't as they used to be. + +Hadria would often go to see the old man, trying to cheer him and +minister to his growing ailments. His shrewdness was remarkable. Mr. +Fullerton quoted Dodge as an authority on matters of practical +philosophy, and the old gravedigger became a sort of oracle at the +Cottage. Wilfrid Burton complained that he was incessantly confronted +with some saying of Dodge, and from this there was no appeal. + +The news from Italy was still far from reassuring. Valeria was terribly +anxious. But she felt thankful, she said, to be with the invalid and +able to look after him. The doctors would not hear of his returning to +England at the approach of winter. It would be sheer suicide. He must go +further south. Valeria had met some old friends, among them Madame +Bertaux, and they had decided to go on together, perhaps to Naples or +Sorrento. Her friends had all fallen in love with the Professor, as +every one did. They were a great help and comfort to her. If it were not +for the terrible foreboding, Valeria said she would be perfectly happy. +The Professor's presence seemed to change the very atmosphere. He spoke +often about Hadria, and over and over again asked Valeria to watch over +her and help her. And he spoke often about his wife. Valeria confessed +that, at one time, she used to be horribly and shamefully jealous of +this wife, whom he worshipped so faithfully, but now that feeling had +left her. She was thankful for the great privilege of his friendship. A +new tone had come over Valeria's letters, of late; the desperate, almost +bitter element had passed away, and something approaching serenity had +taken its place. + +No one, she said, could be in the Professor's presence every day, and +remain exactly the same as before. She saw his potent, silent influence +upon every creature who crossed his path. He came and went among his +fellows, quietly, beneficently, and each was the better for having met +him, more or less, according to the fineness and sensitiveness of the +nature. + +"My love for him," said Valeria, "used at one time to be a great trouble +to me. It made me restless and unhappy. Now I am glad of it, and though +there must be an element of pain in a hopeless love, yet I hold myself +fortunate to have cherished it." + +Hadria received this letter from the postman when she was coming out of +Dodge's cottage. + +It threw her into a conflict of strong and painful feeling: foreboding, +heart-sickness, a longing so strong to see her friends that it seemed as +if she must pack up instantly and go to them, and through it all, a +sense of loneliness that was almost unbearable. How she envied Valeria! +To love with her whole heart, without a shadow of doubt; to have that +element of warmth in her life which could never fail her, like sunshine +to the earth. Among the cruelest elements of Hadria's experience had +been that emptying of her heart; the rebuff to the need for love, the +conviction that she was to go through life without its supreme emotion. +Professor Theobald had thrown away what might have been a +master-passion. The outlook was so blank and cold, so unutterably +lonely! She looked back to the days at Dunaghee, as if several lifetimes +had passed between her and them. What illusions they had all harboured +in those strange old days! + +"Do you remember our famous discussion on Emerson in the garret?" she +said to Algitha. + +"Do I? It is one of the episodes of our youth that stands out most +distinctly." + +"And how about Emerson's doctrine? _Are_ we the makers of our +circumstances? _Does_ our fate 'fit us like a glove?'" + +Algitha looked thoughtful. "I doubt it," she said. + +"Yet you have brilliantly done what you meant to do." + +"My own experience does not overshadow my judgment entirely, I hope," +said Algitha. "I have seen too much of a certain tragic side of life to +be able to lay down a law of that sort. I can't believe, for instance, +that among all those millions in the East End, not _one_ man or woman, +for all these ages, was born with great capacities, which better +conditions might have allowed to come to fruition. I think you were +right, after all. It is a matter of relation." + +The autumn was unusually fine, and the colours sumptuous beyond +description. The vast old trees that grew so tall and strong, in the +genial English soil, burnt away their summer life in a grand +conflagration. + +Hubert had successfully carried the day with regard to the important +case which had taken him abroad, and had now returned to Craddock Dene. +Henriette came to stay at the Red House. + +She followed her brother, one day, into the smoking-room, and there, +with much tact and circumlocution, gave him to understand that she +thought Hadria was becoming more sensible; that she was growing more +like other people, less opinionated, wiser, and better in every way. + +"Hadria was always very sweet, of course," said Henriette, "but she had +the faults of her qualities, as we all have. You have had your trials, +dear Hubert, but I rejoice to believe that Hadria will give you little +further cause for pain or regret." Hubert made no reply. He placed the +tips of his fingers together and looked into the fire. + +"I think that the companionship of Lady Engleton has been of great +service to Hadria," he observed, after a long pause. + +"Unquestionably," assented Henriette. "She has had an enormous influence +upon her. She has taught Hadria to see that one may hold one's own ideas +quietly, without flying in everybody's face. Lady Engleton is a +pronounced agnostic, yet she never misses a Sunday at Craddock Church, +and I am glad to see that Hadria is following her example. It must be a +great satisfaction to you, Hubert. People used to talk unpleasantly +about Hadria's extremely irregular attendance. It is such a mistake to +offend people's ideas, in a small place like this." + +"That is what I told Hadria," said Hubert, "and her mother has been +speaking seriously to her on the subject. Hadria made no opposition, +rather to my surprise. She said that she would go as regularly as our +dining-room clock, if it gave us all so much satisfaction." + +"How charming!" cried Henriette benevolently, "and how characteristic!" + +As Hadria sank in faith and hope, she rose in the opinion of her +neighbours. She was never nearer to universal unbelief than now, when +the orthodox began to smile upon her. + +Life presented itself to her as a mere welter of confused forces. If +goodness, or aspiration, or any godlike thing arose, for a moment--like +some shipwrecked soul with hands out-stretched above the waves--swiftly +it sank again submerged, leaving only a faint ripple on the surface, +soon overswept and obliterated. + +She could detect no light on the face of the troubled waters. Looking +around her at other lives, she saw the story written in different +characters, but always the same; hope, struggle, failure. The pathos of +old age wrung her heart; the sorrows of the poor, the lonely, the +illusions of the seeker after wealth, the utter vanity of the objects of +men's pursuit, and the end of it all! + +"I wonder what is the secret of success, Hadria?" + +"Speaking generally, I should say to have a petty aim." + +"Then if one succeeds after a long struggle," said Algitha pensively. + +"One finds it, I doubt not, the dismalest of failures." + +A great cloud of darkness seemed to have descended over the earth. +Hadria felt cut off even from Nature. The splendours of the autumn +appeared at a vast distance from her. They belonged to another world. +She could not get near them. Mother earth had deserted her child. + +A superficial apathy was creeping over her, below which burnt a slow +fire of pain. But the greater the apathy, which expressed itself +outwardly in a sort of cheerful readiness to take things as they came, +the more delighted everybody appeared to be with the repentant sinner. +Her associates seemed to desire earnestly that she should go to church, +as they did, in her best bonnet----and why not? She would get a best +bonnet, as ridiculous as they pleased, and let Mr. Walker do his worst. +What did it matter? Who was the better or the worse for what she thought +or how she acted? What mattered it, whether she were consistent or not? +What mattered it if she seemed, by her actions, to proclaim her belief +in dogmas that meant nothing to her, except as interesting products of +the human mind? She had not enough faith to make it worth while to stand +alone. + +Lord Engleton said he thought it right to go to church regularly, for +the sake of setting an example to the masses, a sentiment which always +used to afford Hadria more amusement than many intentional witticisms. + +She went often to the later service, when the autumn twilight lay heavy +and sad upon the churchyard, and the peace of evening stole in through +the windows of the church. Then, as the sublime poetry of psalmist or +prophet rolled through the Norman arches, or the notes of the organ +stole out of the shadowed chancel, a spirit of repose would creep into +the heart of the listener, and the tired thoughts would take a more +rhythmic march. She felt nearer to her fellows, at such moments, than at +any other. Her heart went out to them, in wistful sympathy. They seemed +to be standing together then, one and all, at the threshold of the great +Mystery, and though they might be parted ever so widely by circumstance, +temperament, mental endowment, manner of thought, yet after all, they +were brethren and fellow sufferers; they shared the weakness, the +longing, the struggle of life; they all had affections, ambitions, +heart-breakings, sins, and victories; the differences were slight and +transient, in the presence of the vast unknown, the Ultimate Reality for +which they were all groping in the darkness. This sense of brotherhood +was strongest with regard to the poorer members of the congregation: the +labourers with their toil-stained hands and bent heads, the wives, the +weary mothers, their faces seamed with the ceaseless strain of +child-bearing, and hard work, and care and worry. In their prematurely +ageing faces, in their furrowed brows, Hadria could trace the marks of +Life's bare and ruthless hand, which had pressed so heavily on those +whose task it had been to bestow the terrible gift. Here the burden had +crushed soul and flesh; here that insensate spirit of Life had worked +its will, gratified its rage to produce and reproduce, it mattered not +what in the semblance of the human, so long only as that wretched +semblance repeated itself, and repeated itself again, _ad nauseam_, +while it destroyed the creatures which it used for its wild purpose---- + +And the same savage story was written, once more, on the faces of the +better dressed women: worry, weariness, apathy, strain; these were +marked unmistakeably, after the first freshness of youth had been driven +away, and the features began to take the mould of the habitual thoughts +and the habitual impressions. + +And on these faces, there was a certain pettiness and coldness not +observable on those of the poorer women. + +Often, when one of the neighbours called and found Hadria alone, some +chance word of womanly sympathy would touch a spring, and then a sad, +narrow little story of trouble and difficulty would be poured out; a +revelation of the bewildered, toiling, futile existences that were being +passed beneath a smooth appearance; of the heart-ache and heroism and +misplaced sacrifice, of the ruined lives that a little common sense and +common kindness might have saved; the unending pain and trouble about +matters entirely trivial, entirely absurd; the ceaseless travail to +bring forth new elements of trouble for those who must inherit the deeds +of to-day; the burdened existences agonizing to give birth to new +existences, equally burdened, which in their turn, were to repeat the +ceaseless oblation to the gods of Life. + +"Futile?" said Lady Engleton. "I think women are generally fools, _entre +nous_; that is why they so often fill their lives with sound and fury, +accomplishing nothing." + +Hadria felt that this was a description of her own life, as well as that +of most of her neighbours. + +"I can understand so well how it is that women become conventional," she +said, apparently without direct reference to the last remark, "it is so +useless to take the trouble to act on one's own initiative. It annoys +everybody frightfully, and it accomplishes nothing, as you say." + +"My dear Hadria, you alarm me!" cried Lady Engleton, laughing. "You must +really be very ill indeed, if you have come to this conclusion!" + +In looking over some old papers and books, one afternoon, Hadria came +upon the little composition called _Futility_, which a mood had called +forth at Dunaghee, years ago. She had almost forgotten about it, and in +trying it over, she found that it was like trying over the work of some +other person. + +It expressed with great exactness the feelings that overwhelmed her now, +whenever she let her imagination dwell upon the lives of women, of +whatever class and whatever kind. Futility! The mournful composition, +with its strange modern character, its suggestion of striving and +confusion and pain, expressed as only music could express, the yearning +and the sadness that burden so many a woman's heart to-day. + +She knew that the music was good, and that now she could compose music +infinitely better. The sharpness of longing for her lost art cut through +her. She half turned from the piano and then went back, as a moth to the +flame. + +How was this eternal tumult to be stilled? Facts were definite and +clear, there was no room for doubt or for hope. These facts then had to +be dealt with. How did other women deal with them? Not so much better +than she did, after all, as it appeared when one was allowed to see +beneath the amiable surface of their lives. They were all spinning round +and round, in a dizzy little circle, all whirling and toiling and +troubling, to no purpose. + +Even Lady Engleton, who appeared so bright and satisfied, had her secret +misery which spoilt her life. She had beauty, talent, wealth, everything +to make existence pleasant and satisfactory, but she had allowed +externals and unessentials to encroach upon it, to govern her actions, +to usurp the place of her best powers, to creep into her motives, till +there was little germ and heart of reality left, and she was beginning +to feel starved and aimless in the midst of what might have been plenty. +Lady Engleton had turned to her neighbour at the Red House in an +instinctive search for sympathy, as the more genuine side of her nature +began to cry out against the emptiness of her graceful and ornate +existence. Hadria was startled by the revelation. Hubert had always held +up Lady Engleton as a model of virtue and wisdom, and perfect +contentment. Yet she too, it turned out, for all her smiles and her +cheerfulness, was busy and weary with futilities. She too, like the +fifty daughters of Danaus, was condemned to the idiot's labour of +eternally drawing water in sieves from fathomless wells. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIX. + + +Algitha's marriage took place almost immediately. There was no reason +for delay. She stayed at the Cottage, and was married at Craddock +Church, on one of the loveliest mornings of the year, as the villagers +noticed with satisfaction. Both sisters had become favourites in the +neighbourhood among the poorer people, and the inhabitants mustered to +see the wedding. + +It was only for her mother's sake that Algitha had consented to a +conventional ceremony. She said that she and Wilfrid both hated the +whole barbaric show. They submitted only because there was no help for +it. Algitha's mother would have broken her heart if they had been bound +merely by the legal tie, as she and Wilfrid desired. + +"Indeed, the only tie that we respect is that of our love and faith. If +that failed, we should scorn to hold one another in unwilling bondage. +We are not entirely without self-respect." + +The couple were to take a tour in Italy, where they hoped to meet +Valeria and Professor Fortescue. Joseph Fleming was married, almost at +the same time, to his merry Irish girl. + +The winter came suddenly. Some terrific gales had robbed the trees of +their lingering yellow leaves, and the bare branches already shewed +their exquisite tracery against the sky. Heavy rain followed, and the +river was swollen, and there were floods that made the whole country +damp, and rank, and terribly depressing. Mrs. Fullerton felt the +influence of the weather, and complained of neuralgia and other +ailments. She needed watching very carefully, and plenty of cheerful +companionship. This was hard to supply. In struggling to belie her +feelings, day after day, Hadria feared, at times, that she would break +down disastrously. She was frightened at the strange haunting ideas that +came to her, the dread and nameless horror that began to prey upon her, +try as she would to protect herself from these nerve-torments, which she +could trace so clearly to their causes. If only, instead of making one +half insane and stupid, the strain of grief would but kill one outright, +and be done with it! + +Old Dodge was a good friend to Hadria, at this time. He saw that +something was seriously wrong, and he managed to convey his affectionate +concern in a thousand little kindly ways that brought comfort to her +loneliness, and often filled her eyes with sudden tears. Nor was he the +only friend she had in the village, whose sympathy was given in generous +measure. Hadria had been able to be of use, at the time of the +disastrous epidemic which had carried off so many of the population, and +since then had been admitted to more intimate relationship with the +people; learning their troubles and their joys, their anxieties, and the +strange pathos of their lives. She learnt, at this time, the quality of +English kindness and English sympathy, which Valeria used to say was +equalled nowhere in the world. + +Before the end of the winter, Algitha and her husband returned. + +"I'm real glad, mum, that I be," said Dodge, "to think as you has your +sister with you again. There ain't nobody like one's kith and kin, wen +things isn't quite as they should be, as one may say. Miss +Fullerton--which I means Mrs. Burton--is sure to do you a sight o' good, +bless 'er." + +Dodge was right. Algitha's healthy nature, strengthened by happiness and +success, was of infinite help to Hadria, in her efforts to shake off the +symptoms that had made her frightened of herself. She did not know what +tricks exhausted nerves might play upon her, or what tortures they had +in store for her. + +Algitha's judgments were inclined to be definite and clear-cut to the +point of hardness. She did not know the meaning of over-wrought nerves, +nor the difficulties of a nature more imaginative than her own. She had +found her will-power sufficient to meet all the emergencies of her life, +and she was disposed to feel a little contemptuous, especially of late, +at a persistent condition of difficulty and confusion. Her impulse was +to attack such a condition and bring it to order, by force of will. The +active temperament is almost bound to misunderstand the imaginative or +artistic spirit and its difficulties. A real _cul de sac_ was to Algitha +almost unthinkable. There _must_ be some means of finding one's way out. + +Hadria's present attitude amazed and irritated her. She objected to her +regular church-going, as dishonest. Was she not, for the sake of peace +and quietness, professing that which she did not believe? And how was it +that she was growing more into favour with the Jordans and Walkers and +all the narrow, wooden-headed people? Surely an ominous sign. + +After the long self-suppression, the long playing of a fatiguing role, +Hadria felt an unspeakable relief in Algitha's presence. To her, at +least, she need not assume a false cheerfulness. + +Algitha noticed, with anxiety, the change that was coming over her +sister, the spirit of tired acquiescence, the insidious creeping in of a +slightly cynical view of things, in place of the brave, believing, +imaginative outlook that she had once held towards life. This cynicism +was more or less superficial however, as Algitha found when they had a +long and intimate conversation, one evening in Hadria's room, by her +fire; but it was painful to Algitha to hear the hopeless tones of her +sister's voice, now that she was speaking simply and sincerely, without +bitterness, but without what is usually called resignation. + +"No; I don't think it is all for the best," said Hadria. "I think, as +far as my influence goes, it is all for the worst. What fatal argument +my life will give to those who are seeking reasons to hold our sex in +the old bondage! My struggles, my failure, will add to the staggering +weight that we all stumble under. I have hindered more--that is the +bitter thing--by having tried and failed, than if I had never tried at +all. Mrs. Walker, Mrs. Gordon herself, has given less arguments to the +oppressors than I." + +"But why? But how?" cried Algitha incredulously. + +"Because no one can point to _them_, as they will to me, and say, 'See, +what a ghastly failure! See how feeble after all, are these pretentious +women of the new order, who begin by denying the sufficiency of the life +assigned them, by common consent, and end by failing in that and in the +other which they aspire to. What has become of all the talent and all +the theories and resolves?' And so the next girl who dares to have +ambitions, and dares to scorn the _role_ of adventuress that society +allots to her, will have the harder fate because of my attempt. Now +nothing in the whole world," cried Hadria, her voice losing the even +tones in which she had been speaking, "nothing in the whole world will +ever persuade me that _that_ is all for the best!" + +"I never said it was, but when a thing has to be, why not make the best +of it?" + +"And so persuade people that all is well, when all is not well! That's +exactly what women always do and always have done, and plume themselves +upon it. And so this ridiculous farce is kept up, because these wretched +women go smiling about the world, hugging their stupid resignation to +their hearts, and pampering up their sickly virtue, at the expense of +their sex. Hang their virtue!" + +Algitha laughed. + +"It _is_ somewhat self-regarding certainly, in spite of the incessant +renunciation and sacrifice." + +"Oh, self-sacrifice in a woman, is always her easiest course. It is the +nearest approach to luxury that society allows her," cried Hadria, +irascibly. + +"It is most refreshing to hear you exaggerate, once more, with the old +vigour," her sister cried. + +"If I have a foible, it is under-statement," returned Hadria, with a +half-smile. + +"Then I think you haven't a foible," said Algitha. + +"That I am ready to admit; but seriously, women seem bent on proving +that you may treat them as you like, but they will 'never desert Mr. +Micawber.'" + +Algitha smiled. + +"They are so mortally afraid of getting off the line and doing what +might not be quite right. They take such a morbid interest in their own +characters. They are so particular about their souls. The female soul is +such a delicate creation--like a bonnet. Look at a woman trimming and +poking at her bonnet--that's exactly how she goes on with her soul." + +Algitha laughed and shrugged her shoulders. + +"It has trained her in a sort of heroism, at any rate," she said. + +"Heroism! talk of Spartan boys, they are not in it! A woman will endure +martyrdom with the expression of a seraph,--an extremely aggravating +seraph. She looks after her soul as if it were the ultimate fact of the +universe. She will trim and preen that ridiculous soul, though the +heavens fall and the rest of her sex perish." + +"Come now, I think there are exceptions." + +"A few, but very few. It is a point of honour, a sacred canon. Women +will go on patiently drawing water in sieves, and pretend they are +usefully employed because it tires them!" + +"They believe it," said Algitha. + +"Perhaps so. But it's very silly." + +"It is really well meant. It is a submission to the supposed will of +heaven." + +"A poor compliment to Heaven!" Hadria exclaimed. + +"Well, it is not, of course, your conception nor mine of the will of +heaven, but it is their's." + +Hadria shrugged her shoulders. "I wish women would think a little less +of Heaven in the abstract, and a little more of one another, in the +concrete." + +"Nobody has ever taught them to think of one another; on the contrary, +they have always been trained to think of men, and of Heaven, and their +souls. That training accounts for their attitude towards their own sex." + +"I suppose so. A spirit of sisterhood among women would have sadly upset +the social scheme, as it has been hitherto conceived. Indeed the social +scheme has made such a spirit well-nigh impossible." + +"A conquering race, if it is wise, governs its subjects largely through +their internecine squabbles and jealousies. _But what if they +combine----?_" + +"Ah!" Hadria drew a deep sigh. "I wish the moment of sisterhood were a +little nearer." + +"Heaven hasten it!" cried Algitha. + +"Perhaps it is nearer than we imagine. Women are quick learners, when +they begin. But, oh, it is hard sometimes to make them begin. They are +so annoyingly abject; so painfully diffident. It is their pride to be +humble. The virtuous worm won't even turn!" + +"Poor worm! It sometimes permits itself the relief of verbal +expression!" observed Algitha. + +Hadria laughed. "There are smiling, villainous worms, who deny +themselves even _that!_" + +After a long silence, Algitha taking the poker in her hand and altering +the position of some of the coals, asked what Hadria meant to do in the +future; how she was going to "turn," if that was her intention. + +"Oh, I cannot even turn!" replied Hadria. "Necessity knows no law. The +one thing I won't do, is to be virtuously resigned. And I won't 'make +the best of it.'" + +Algitha laughed. "I am relieved to hear so wrong-headed a sentiment from +you. It sounds more like your old self." + +"I won't be called wrong-headed on this account," said Hadria. "If my +life is to bear testimony to the truth, its refrain ought to be, 'This +is wrong, this is futile, this is cruel, this is damnable.' I shall warn +every young woman I come across, to beware, as she grows older, and has +people in her clutches, not to express her affection by making +unlimited demands on the beloved objects, nor by turning the world into +a prison-house for those whom she honours with her devotion. The hope of +the future lies in the rising generation. You can't alter those who have +matured in the old ideas. It is for us to warn. I _won't_ pretend to +think that things are all right, when I know they are not all right. +That would be mean. What is called making the best of it, would testify +all the wrong way. My life, instead of being a warning, would be a sort +of a trap. Let me at least play the humble role of scarecrow. I am in +excellent condition for it," she added, grasping her thin wrist. + +Algitha shook her head anxiously. + +"I fear," she said, "that the moral that most people will draw will be: +'Follow in the path of Mrs. Gordon, however distasteful it may seem to +you, and whatever temptations you feel towards a more independent life. +If you don't, you will come to grief.'" + +"Then you think it would be better to be 'resigned,' and look after +one's own soul?" + +"Heaven knows what would be better!" Algitha exclaimed. "But one thing +is certain, you ought to look after your body, for the present at any +rate." + + + + +CHAPTER L. + + +Hadria had found the autumn saddening, and the winter tempt her to +morbid thoughts, but the coming of spring made her desperate. It would +not allow her to be passive, it would not permit her emotions to lie +prone and exhausted. Everything was waking, and she must wake too, to +the bitterest regret and the keenest longings of which she was capable. + +She had tried to avoid everything that would arouse these futile +emotions; she had attempted to organise her life on new lines, +persisting in her attitude of non-surrender, but winning, as far as she +was able, the rest that, at present, could only be achieved by means of +a sort of inward apathy. It was an instinctive effort of +self-preservation. She was like a fierce fire, over which ashes have +been heaped to keep down the flames, and check its ardour. She had to +eat her heart out in dullness, to avoid its flaming out in madness. But +the spring came and carried her away on its torrent. She might as well +have tried to resist an avalanche. She thought that she had given up all +serious thought of music; the surrender was necessary, and she had +judged it folly to tempt herself by further dallying with it. It was too +strong for her. And the despair that it awoke seemed to break up her +whole existence, and render her unfit for her daily task. But now she +found that, once more, she had underrated the strength of her own +impulses. For some time she resisted, but one day, the sun shone out +strong and genial, the budding trees spread their branches to the warm +air, a blackbird warbled ecstatically from among the Priory shrubberies, +and Hadria passed into the garden of the Griffins. + +The caretaker smiled, when she saw who stood on the doorstep. + +"Why ma'am, I thought you was never coming again to play on the piano; I +_have_ missed it, that I have. It makes the old place seem that +cheerful--I can almost fancy it's my poor young mistress come back +again. She used to sit and play on that piano, by the hour together." + +"I am glad you have enjoyed it," said Hadria gently. The blinds were +pulled up in the drawing-room, the piano was uncovered, the windows +thrown open to the terrace. + +"You haven't had much time for playing since your mamma has been ill," +the woman continued, dusting the keys and setting up the music-rest. + +"To-day my mother has a visitor; Mrs. Joseph Fleming is spending the +afternoon with her," said Hadria. + +"To be sure, ma'am, to be sure, a nice young lady, and so cheerful," +said the good woman, bustling off to wind up the tall old clock with the +wise-looking face, that had been allowed to run down since Hadria's last +visit. "Seems more cheerful like," observed the caretaker, as the steady +tick-tack began to sound through the quiet room. + +"And have you fed my birds regularly, Mrs. Williams?" asked Hadria, +taking off her hat and standing at the open window looking out to the +terrace. + +"Yes indeed, ma'am, every day, just as you used to do when you came +yourself. And they has got so tame; they almost eats out of my hand." + +"And my robin? I hope he has not deserted us." + +"Oh, no, he comes right into the room sometimes and hops about, just as +he did that afternoon, the last time you was here! I think it's the same +bird, for he likes to perch on that table and pick up the crumbs." + +"Poor little soul! If you will give me a scrap of bread, Mrs. +Williams----" + +The caretaker left the room, and returned with a thick slice, which +Hadria crumbled and scattered on the window-sill, as she stepped out to +the terrace. + +The calm old mansion with its delicate outlines, its dreamy exquisite +stateliness, spoke of rest and sweet serenity. The place had the +melancholy but also the repose of greatness. It was rich in all that +lies nearest to the heart of that mysterious, dual-faced divinity that +we call beauty, compounded of sorrow and delight. + +Ah! if only its owner could come and take up his abode here. If only he +would get well! Hadria's thoughts wandered backwards to that wonderful +evening, when she had played to him and Algitha, and they had all +watched the sunset afterwards, from the terrace. How long was it since +she had touched the piano in this old drawing-room? Never since she +returned from Paris. Even her own piano at home had been almost equally +silent. She believed that she had not only quite abandoned hope with +regard to music, but that she had prepared herself to face the +inevitable decay of power, the inevitable proofs of her loss, as time +went on. But so far, she had only had proofs that she could do +astonishingly much if she had the chance. + +To-day, for the first time, the final ordeal had to be gone through. And +her imagination had never conceived its horror. She was to be taken at +her word. The neglected gift was beginning to show signs of decay and +enfeeblement. It had given fair warning for many a year, by the +persistent appeal that it made, the persistent pain that it caused; but +the famine had told upon it at last. It was dying. As this fact +insinuated itself into the consciousness, in the teeth of a wild effort +to deny it, despair flamed up, fierce and violent. She regretted that +she had not thrown up everything long ago, rather than endure this +lingering death; she cursed her hesitation, she cursed her fate, her +training, her circumstances, she cursed herself. Whatever there was to +curse, she cursed. What hideous nonsense to imagine herself ready to +face this last insult of fate! She was like a martyr, who invites the +stake and the faggot, and knows what he has undertaken only when the +flames begin to curl about his feet. She had offered up her power, her +imperious creative instinct, to the Lares and Penates; those greedy +little godlets whom there was no appeasing while an inch of one remained +that they could tear to pieces. She clenched her hands, in agony. The +whole being recoiled now, at the eleventh hour, as a fierce wild +creature that one tries to bury alive. She looked back along the line of +the past and saw, with too clear eyes, the whole insidious process, so +stealthy that she had hardly detected it, at the time. She remembered +those afternoons at the Priory, when the restless, ill-trained power +would assert itself, free for the moment, from the fetters and the +dismemberment that awaited it in ordinary life. But like a creature +accustomed to the yoke, she had found it increasingly difficult to use +the moments of opportunity when they came. The force of daily usage, the +necessary bending of thoughts in certain habitual directions, had +assisted the crippling process, and though the power still lay there, +stiffer than of yore, yet the preliminary movements and readjustments +used up time and strength, and then gradually, with the perpetual +repetition of adverse habits, the whole process became slower, harder, +crueler. + +"Good heavens! are _all_ doors going to be shut against me?" + +It was more than she could bear! And yet it must be borne--unless--no, +there was no "unless." It was of no use to coquet with thoughts of +suicide. She had thought all that out long ago, and had sought, at more +than one crisis of desperate misery, for refuge from the horror and the +insults of life. But there were always others to be considered. She +could not strike them so terrible a blow. Retreat was ruthlessly cut +off. Nothing remained but the endurance of a conscious slow decay; +nothing but increasing loss and feebleness, as the surly years went by. +They were going, going, these years of life, slipping away with their +spoils. Youth was departing, everything was vanishing; her very self, +bit by bit, slowly but surely, till the House of Life would grow narrow +and shrunken to the sight, the roof descend. The gruesome old story of +the imprisoned prince flashed into her mind; the wretched captive, young +and life-loving, who used to wake up, each morning, to find that of the +original seven windows of his dungeon, one had disappeared, while the +walls had advanced a foot, and to-morrow yet another foot, till at +length the last window had closed up, and the walls shrank together and +crushed him to death. + +"I can't, I _can't_ endure it!" + +Hadria had leaned forward against the key-board, which gave forth a loud +crash of discordant notes, strangely expressive of the fall and failure +of her spirit. + +She remained thus motionless, while the airs wandered in from the +garden, and a broad ray of sunlight showed the strange incessant +gyrations of the dust atoms, that happened to lie within the revealing +brightness. The silence was perfect. + +Hadria raised her head at last, and her eyes wandered out to the sweet +old garden, decked in the miraculous hues of spring. The unutterable +loveliness brought, for a second, a strange, inconsequent sense of +peace; it seemed like a promise and a message from an unknown god. + +But after that momentary and inexplicable experience, the babble of +thought went on as before. The old dream mounted again heavenwards, like +a cloud at sunset; wild fancies fashioned themselves in the brain. And +then, in fantastic images, Hadria seemed to see a panorama of her own +life and the general life pass before her, in all their incongruity and +confusion. The great mass of that life showed itself as prose, because +the significance of things had not been grasped or suspected; but here +and there, the veil was pierced--by some suffering soul, by some poet's +vision--and the darkness of our daily, pompous, careworn, ridiculous +little existence made painfully visible. + +"It is all absurd, all futile!" (so moved the procession of the +thoughts); "and meanwhile the steady pulse of life beats on, not +pausing while we battle out our days, not waiting while we decide how we +shall live. We are possessed by a sentiment, an ideal, a religion; old +Time makes no comment, but moves quietly on; we fling the thing aside as +tawdry, insufficient; the ideal is tarnished, experience of the world +converts us--and still unmoved, he paces on. We are off on another +chase; another conception of things possesses us; and still the beat of +his footstep sounds in our ears, above the tumult. We think and aspire +and dream, and meanwhile the fires grow cold upon the hearth, the daily +cares and common needs plead eloquently for our undivided service; the +stupendous movement of Existence goes on unceasingly, at our doors; +thousands struggling for gold and fame and mere bread, and resorting to +infamous devices to obtain them; the great commercial currents flow and +flow, according to their mystic laws; the price of stocks goes up, goes +down, and with them, the life and fate of thousands; the inconsequent +bells ring out from Craddock Church, and the people congregate; the +grave of the schoolmistress sleeps in the sunshine, and the sound of the +bells streams over it--meaning no irony--to lose itself in the quiet of +the hills; rust and dust collect in one's house, in one's soul; and this +and that, and that and this,--like the pendulum of the old time-piece, +with its solemn tick--dock the moments of one's life, with each its dull +little claim and its tough little tether, and lead one decorously to the +gateway of Eternity." + +There was a flutter of wings, in the room. A robin hopped in at the +window and perched daintily on the table-ledge, its delicate claws +outlined against the whiteness of the dust-sheet, its head inquisitively +on one side, as if it were asking the reason of the musician's unusual +silence. Suddenly, the little creature fluffed out its feathers, drew +itself together, and warbled forth a rich ecstatic song, that seemed to +be deliberately addressed to its human companion. Hadria raised her +bowed head. Up welled the swift unaccustomed tears, while the robin, +with increasing enthusiasm, continued his song. His theme, doubtless, +was of the flicker of sunlit shrubberies, the warmth of summer, the +glory of spring, the sweetness of the revolving seasons. For cure of +heart-ache, he suggested the pleasantness of garden nooks, and the +repose that lingers about a dew-sprinkled lawn. All these things were +warmly commended to the human being whose song of life had ceased. + +"But they break my heart, little singer, they break my heart!" + +The robin lifted up its head and warbled more rapturously than ever. + +The tears were falling fast now, and silently. The thoughts ran on and +on. "I know it all, I know it all, and my heart is broken--and it is my +own fault--and it does not matter--the world is full of broken +hearts--and it does not matter, it does not matter. But, oh, if the pain +might stop, if the pain might stop! The robin sings now, because the +spring is here; but it is not always spring. And some day--perhaps not +this winter, but some day--the dear little brown body will agonize--it +will die alone, in the horrible great universe; one thinks little of a +robin, but it agonizes all the same when its time comes; it agonizes all +the same." + +The thoughts were drowned, for a moment, in a flood of terrible, +unbearable pity for all the sorrow of the world. + +The robin seemed to think that he had a mission to cheer his companion, +for he warbled merrily on. And beside him, the dust-motes danced the +wildest of dances, in the shaft of sunshine. + +"It is very lovely, it is very lovely--the world is a miracle, but it is +all like a taunt, it is like an insult, this glory of the world. I am +born a woman, and to be born a woman is to be exquisitely sensitive to +insult and to live under it always, always. I wish that I were as marble +to the magic of Life, I wish that I cared for nothing and felt nothing. +I pray only that the dream and the longing may be killed, and killed +quickly!" + +In the silence, the bird's note sounded clear and tender. The dance of +the dust-motes, like the great dance of Life itself, went on without +ceasing. + +The robin seemed to insist on a brighter view of things. He urged his +companion to take comfort. Had the spring not come? + +"But you do not understand, you do not understand, little soul that +sings--the spring is torturing me and taunting me. If only it would kill +me!" + +The robin fluffed out his feathers, and began again to impart his sweet +philosophy. Hadria was shedding the first unchecked tears that she had +shed since her earliest childhood. And then, for the second time to-day, +that strange unexplained peace stole into her heart. Reason came quickly +and drove it away with a sneer, and the horror and the darkness closed +round again. + +"If I might only die, if I might only die!" + +But the little bird sang on. + + + + +CHAPTER LI. + + +"Quite hopeless!" + +Joseph Fleming repeated the words incredulously. + +"Yes," said Lady Engleton, "it is the terrible truth." + +The Professor had been growing worse, and at length, his state became so +alarming that he decided to return to England. Miss Du Prel and an old +friend whom she had met abroad, accompanied him. + +"I understand they are all at the Priory," said Joseph. + +"Yes; Miss Du Prel telegraphed to Mrs. Temperley, and Mrs. Temperley and +I put our heads together and arranged matters as well as we could in the +emergency, so that the Professor's wish might be gratified. He desired +to return to the Priory, where his boyhood was spent." + +"And is there really no hope?" + +"None at all, the doctor says." + +"Dear me, dear me!" cried Joseph. "And is he not expected to live +through the summer?" + +"The summer! ah no, Mr. Fleming, he is not expected to live many days." + +"Dear me, dear me!" was all that Joseph could say. Then after a pause, +he added, "I fear Mrs. Temperley will feel it very much. They were such +old friends." + +"Oh! poor woman, she is heart-broken." + + * * * * * + +The Professor lingered longer than the doctor had expected. He was very +weak, and could not bear the fatigue of seeing many people. But he was +perfectly cheerful, and when feeling a little better at times, he would +laugh and joke in his old kindly way, and seemed to enjoy the fragment +of life that still remained to him. + +"I am so glad I have seen the spring again," he said, "and that I am +here, in the old home." + +He liked to have the window thrown wide open, when the day was warm. +Then his bed would be wheeled closer to it, so that the sunshine often +lay across it, and the scent of the flowering shrubs and the odour of +growth, as he called it, floated in upon him. He looked out into a world +of exquisite greenery and of serene sky. The room was above the +drawing-room, and if the drawing-room windows were open, he could hear +Hadria playing. He often used to ask for music. + +The request would come generally after an exhausting turn of pain, when +he could not bear the fatigue of seeing people. + +"I can't tell you what pleasure and comfort your music is to me," he +used to say, again and again. "It has been so ever since I knew you. +When I think of the thousands of poor devils who have to end their lives +in some wretched, lonely, sordid fashion, after hardships and struggles +and very little hope, I can't help feeling that I am fortunate indeed, +now and all through my life. I have grumbled at times, and there have +been sharp experiences--few escape those--but take it all round, I have +had my share of good things." + +He had one great satisfaction: that he had discovered, before the end of +his days, the means which he had so long been seeking, of saving the +death-agony of animals that are killed for food. Some day perhaps, he +said, men might cease to be numbered among the beasts of prey, but till +then, at least their victims might be spared as much pain as possible. +He had overcome the difficulty of expense, which had always been the +main obstacle to a practical solution of the problem. Henceforth there +was no need for any creature to suffer, in dying for man's use. If +people only knew and realized how much needless agony is inflicted on +these helpless creatures, in order to supply the daily demands of a vast +flesh-eating population, they would feel that, as a matter of fact, he +had been doing the human race a good turn as well as their more +friendless fellow-beings. It was impossible to imagine that men and +women would not suffer at the thought of causing suffering to the +helpless, if once they realized that suffering clearly. Men and women +were not devils! Theobald had always laughed at him for this part of his +work, but he felt now, at the close of his life, that he could dwell +upon that effort with more pleasure than on any other, although others +had won him far more applause, and this had often brought him contempt. +If only he could be sure that the discovery would not be wasted. + +"It shall be our business to see that it is not," said Valeria, in a +voice tremulous with unshed tears. + +The Professor heaved a sigh of relief, at this assurance. + +"My earlier work is safe; what I have done in other directions, is +already a part of human knowledge and resource, but this is just the +sort of thing that might be so easily lost and forgotten. These +sufferings are hidden, and when people do not see a wrong, they do not +think of it; make them think, make them think!" + +A week had gone by since the Professor's arrival at the Priory. He was +in great pain, but had intervals of respite. He liked, in those +intervals, to see his friends. They could scarcely believe that he was +dying, for he still seemed so full of interest in the affairs of life, +and spoke of the future as if he would be there to see it. One of the +most distressing interviews was with Mr. Fullerton, who could not be +persuaded that the invalid had but a short time to live. The old man +believed that death meant, beyond all question, annihilation of the +personality, and had absolutely no hope of meeting again. + +"Don't be too sure, old friend," said the Professor; "don't be too sure +of anything, in this mysterious universe." + +The weather kept warm and genial, and this was favourable to his +lingering among them a little longer. But his suffering, at times, was +so great that they could scarcely wish for this delay. Hadria used +always to play to him during some part of the afternoon. The robin had +become a constant visitor, and had found its way to the window of the +sick-room, where crumbs had been scattered on the sill. The Professor +took great pleasure in watching the little creature. Sometimes it would +come into the room and hop on to a chair or table, coquetting from perch +to perch, and looking at the invalid, with bright inquisitive eyes. The +crumbs were put out at a certain hour each morning, and the bird had +acquired the habit of arriving almost to the moment. If, by chance, the +crumbs had been forgotten, the robin would flutter ostentatiously before +the window, to remind his friends of their neglected duty. + +During the last few days, Hadria had fancied that the Professor had +divined Valeria's secret, or that she had betrayed it. + +There was a peculiar, reverent tenderness in his manner towards her, +that was even more marked than usual. + +"Can't we save him? can't we save him, Hadria?" she used to cry +piteously, when they were alone. "Surely, surely there is some hope. +Science makes such professions; why doesn't it do something?" + +"Ah, don't torture yourself with false hope, dear Valeria." + +"The world is monstrous, life is unbearable," exclaimed Valeria, with a +despairing break in her voice. + +But one afternoon, she came out of the sick-room with a less distraught +expression on her worn face, though her eyes shewed traces of tears. + +The dying man used to speak often about his wife to Hadria. This had +been her room, and he almost fancied her presence about him. + +"Do you know," he said, "I have found, of late, that many of my old +fixed ideas have been insidiously modifying. So many things that I used +to regard as preposterous have been borne in upon me, in a singular +fashion, as by no means so out of the question. I have had one or two +strange experiences and now a hope--I might say a faith--has settled +upon me of an undying element in our personality. I feel that we shall +meet again those we have loved here--some time or another." + +"What a sting that would take from the agony of parting," cried Hadria. + +"And, after all, is it less rational to suppose that there is some +survival of the Self, and that the wild, confused earthly experience is +an element of a spiritual evolutionary process, than to suppose that the +whole universe is chaotic and meaningless? For what we call mind exists, +and it must be contained in the sum-total of existence, or how could it +arise out of it? Therefore, some reasonable scheme appears more likely +than a reasonless one. And then there is that other big fact that stares +us in the face and puts one's fears to shame: human goodness." + +Hadria's rebellious memory recalled the fact of human cruelty and +wickedness to set against the goodness, but she was silent. + +"What earthly business has such a thing as goodness or pity to appear in +a fortuitous, mindless, soulless universe? Where does it come from? What +is its origin? Whence sprang the laws that gave it birth?" + +"It gives more argument to faith than any thing I know," she said, "even +if there had been but one good man or woman since the world began." + +"Ah, yes; the pity and tenderness that lie in the heart of man, even of +the worst, if only they can be appealed to before they die, may teach us +to hope all things." + +There was a long silence. Through the open window, they could hear the +soft cooing of the wood-pigeons. Among the big trees behind the house, +there was a populous rookery, noisy now with the squeaky voices of the +young birds, and the deeper cawing of the parent rooks. + +"I have been for many years without one gleam of hope," said the +Professor slowly. "It is only lately that some of my obstinate +preconceptions have begun to yield to other suggestions and other +thoughts, which have opened up a thousand possibilities and a thousand +hopes. And I have not been false to my reason in this change; I have but +followed it more fearlessly and more faithfully." + +"I have sometimes thought," said Hadria, "that when we seem to cling +most desperately to our reason, we are really refusing to accept its +guidance into unfamiliar regions. We confuse the familiar with the +reasonable." + +"Exactly. And I want you to be on your guard against that intellectual +foible, which I believe has held me back in a region of sadness and +solitude that I need not have lingered in, but for that." + +There was a great commotion in the rookery, and presently a flock of +rooks swept across the window, in loud controversy, and away over the +garden in a circle, and then up and up till they were a grey little +patch of changing shape, in the blue of the sky. + +The dying man followed them with his eyes. He had watched such streaming +companies start forth from the old rookery, ever since his boyhood. The +memories of that time, and of the importunate thoughts that had haunted +him then, at the opening of life, returned to him now. + +He had accomplished a fraction of what he had set out to attempt, with +such high hopes. His dream of personal happiness had failed; many an +illusion had been lost, many a bitterly-regretted deed had saddened him, +many an error had revenged itself upon him. He drew a deep sigh. + +"And if the scheme of the universe be a reasonable one," he said half +dreamily, "then one can account better for the lives that never fulfil +themselves; the apparent failure that saddens one, in such numberless +instances, especially among women. For in that case, the failure is only +apparent, however cruel and however great. If the effort has been +sincere, and the thought bent upon the best that could be conceived by +the particular soul, then that effort and that thought must play their +part in the upward movement of the race. I cannot believe otherwise." + +Hadria's head was bent. Her lips moved, as if in an effort to speak, but +no sound came. + +"To believe that all the better and more generous hopes of our kind are +to be lost and ineffectual, that genius is finally wasted, and goodness +an exotic to be trampled under foot in the blind movements of +Nature--that requires more power of faith than I can muster. Once +believe that thought is the main factor, the motive force of the +universe, then everything settles into its place, and we have room for +hope; indeed it insists upon admission; it falls into the shadow of our +life like that blessed ray of sunlight." + +It lay across the bed, in a bright streak. + +"The hope leads me far. My training has been all against it, but it +comes to me with greater and greater force. It makes me feel that +presently, when we have bid one another farewell, it will not be for +ever. We shall meet again, dear Hadria, believe me." She was struggling +with her tears, and could answer nothing. + +"I wish so much that I could leave this hope, as a legacy to you. I wish +I could leave it to Valeria. Take care of her, won't you? She is very +solitary and very sad." + +"I will, I will," Hadria murmured. + +"Do not turn away from the light of rational hope, if any path should +open up that leads that way. And help her to do the same. When you think +of me, let it be happily and with comfort." + +Hadria was silently weeping. + +"And hold fast to your own colours. Don't take sides, above all, with +the powers that have oppressed you. They are terrible powers, and yet +people won't admit their strength, and so they are left unopposed. It is +worse than folly to underrate the forces of the enemy. It is always +worse than folly to deny facts in order to support a theory. Exhort +people to face and conquer them. You can help more than you dream, even +as things stand. I cannot tell you what you have done for me, dear +Hadria." (He held out his hand to her.) "And the helpless, human and +animal--how they wring one's heart! Do not forget them; be to them a +knight-errant. You have suffered enough yourself, to know well how to +bind their wounds." The speaker paused, for a moment, to battle with a +paroxysm of pain. + +"There is so much anguish," he said presently, "so much intolerable +anguish, even when things seem smoothest. The human spirit craves for so +much, and generally it gets so little. The world is full of tragedy; and +sympathy, a little common sympathy, can do so much to soften the worst +of grief. It is for the lack of that, that people despair and go down. I +commend them to you." + + * * * * * + +The figure lay motionless, as if asleep. The expression was one of utter +peace. It seemed as if all the love and tenderness, all the breadth and +beauty of the soul that had passed away, were shining out of the quieted +face, from which all trace of suffering had vanished. The look of +desolation that used, at times, to come into it, had entirely gone. + +Hadria and Valeria stood together, by the bedside. At the foot of the +bed was a glass vase, holding a spray of wild cherry blossom; Hadria had +brought it, to the invalid's delight, the day before. There were other +offerings of fresh flowers; a mass of azaleas from Lady Engleton; +bunches of daffodils that Valeria had gathered in the meadows; and old +Dodge had sent a handful of brown and yellow wallflower, from his +garden. The blind had been raised a few inches, so as to let in the +sunlight and the sweet air. It was a glorious morning. The few last hot +days had brought everything out, with a rush. The boughs of the trees, +that the Professor had loved so to watch during his illness, were +swaying gently in the breeze, just as they had done when his eyes had +been open to see them. The wood-pigeons were cooing, the young rooks +cawing shrilly in the rookery. Valeria seemed to be stunned. She stood +gazing at the peaceful face, with a look of stony grief. + +"I _can't_ understand it!" she exclaimed at last, with a wild gesture, +"I _can't_ believe he will never speak to me again! It's a horrible +dream--oh, but too horrible--ah, why can't I die as well as he?" She +threw herself on her knees, shaken with sobs, silent and passionate. +Hadria did not attempt to remonstrate or soothe her. She turned away, as +a flood of bitter grief swept over her, so that she felt as one +drowning. + +Some minutes passed before Valeria rose from her knees, looking haggard +and desolate. Hadria went towards her hastily. + +"What's that?" cried Valeria with a nervous start and a scared glance +towards the window. + +"The robin!" said Hadria, and the tears started to her eyes. + +The bird had hopped in at his usual hour, in a friendly fashion. He +picked up a few stray crumbs that had been left on the sill from +yesterday, and then, in little capricious flights from stage to stage, +finally arrived at the rail of the bed, and stood looking from side to +side, with black, bright eyes, at the motionless figure. Hitherto it had +been accustomed to a welcome. Why this strange silence? The robin hopped +round on the rail, polished his beak meditatively, fluffed out his +feathers, and then, raising his head, sang a tender requiem. + + + + +THE END. + + + * * * * * + + +APPENDIX + +"Does Marriage Hinder a Woman's Self-development?" + +_In 1899,_ The Ladies' Realm _asked several well-known women to write on +the set topic, "Does Marriage Hinder a Woman's Self-development?" We +reprint Mona Caird's ingenious response._ + + +Perhaps it might throw some light on the question whether marriage +interferes with a woman's self-development and career, if we were to ask +ourselves honestly how a man would fare in the position, say, of his own +wife. + +We will take a mild case, so as to avoid all risk of exaggeration. + +Our hero's wife is very kind to him. Many of his friends have far sadder +tales to tell. Mrs. Brown is fond of her home and family. She pats the +children on the head when they come down to dessert, and plies them with +chocolate creams, much to the detriment of their health; but it amuses +Mrs. Brown. Mr. Brown superintends the bilious attacks, which the lady +attributes to other causes. As she never finds fault with the children, +and generally remonstrates with their father, in a good-natured way, +when _he_ does so, they are devoted to the indulgent parent, and are +inclined to regard the other as second-rate. + +Meal-times are often trying in this household, for Sophia is very +particular about her food; sometimes she sends it out with a rude +message to the cook. Not that John objects to this. He wishes she would +do it oftener, for the cook gets used to Mr. Brown's second-hand +version of his wife's language. He simply cannot bring himself to hint +at Mrs. Brown's robust objurgations. She _can_ express herself when it +comes to a question of her creature comforts! + +John's faded cheeks, the hollow lines under the eyes, and hair out of +curl, speak of the struggle for existence as it penetrates to the +fireside. If Sophia but knew what it meant to keep going the +multitudinous details and departments of a household! Her idea of adding +housemaids and pageboys whenever there is a jolt in the machinery has +landed them in expensive disasters, time out of mind. And then, it +hopelessly cuts off all margin of income for every other purpose. It is +all rather discouraging for the hero of this petty, yet gigantic tussle, +for he works, so to speak, in a hostile camp, with no sympathy from his +entirely unconscious spouse, whom popular sentiment nevertheless regards +as the gallant protector of his manly weakness. + +If incessant vigilance, tact, firmness, foresight, initiative, courage +and judgment--in short, all the qualities required for governing a +kingdom, and more--have made things go smoothly, the wife takes it as a +matter of course; if they go wrong, she naturally lays the blame on the +husband. In the same way, if the children are a credit to their parents, +that is only as it should be. But if they are naughty, and fretful, and +stupid, and untidy, is it not clear that there must be some serious flaw +in the system which could produce such results in the offspring of Mrs. +Brown? What word in the English language is too severe to describe the +man who neglects to watch with sufficient vigilance over his children's +health and moral training, who fails to see that his little boys' +sailor-suits and knickerbockers are in good repair, that their boot-lace +ends do not fly out from their ankles at every step, that their hair is +not like a hearth-brush, that they do not come down to dinner every day +with dirty hands? + +To every true man, the cares of fatherhood and home are sacred and +all-sufficing. He realises, as he looks around at his little ones, that +they are his crown and recompense. + +John often finds that _his_ crown-and-recompense gives him a racking +headache by war-whoops and stampedes of infinite variety, and there are +moments when he wonders in dismay if he is really a true man! He has had +the privilege of rearing and training five small crowns and recompenses, +and he feels that he could face the future if further privilege, of this +sort, were denied him. Not but that he is devoted to his family. Nobody +who understands the sacrifices he has made for them could doubt that. +Only, he feels that those parts of his nature which are said to +distinguish the human from the animal kingdom, are getting rather +effaced. + +He remembers the days before his marriage, when he was so bold, in his +ignorant youth, as to cherish a passion for scientific research. He even +went so far as to make a chemical laboratory of the family box-room, +till attention was drawn to the circumstance by a series of terrific +explosions, which shaved off his eyebrows, blackened his scientific +countenance, and caused him to be turned out, neck and crop, with his +crucibles, and a sermon on the duty that lay nearest him,--which +resolved itself into that of paying innumerable afternoon calls with his +father and brothers, on acquaintances selected--as he declared in his +haste--for their phenomenal stupidity. His father pointed out how +selfish it was for a young fellow to indulge his own little fads and +fancies, when he might make himself useful in a nice manly way, at home. + +When, a year later, the scapegrace Josephine, who had caused infinite +trouble and expense to all belonging to her, showed a languid interest +in chemistry, a spare room was at once fitted up for her, and an +extraordinary wealth of crucibles provided by her delighted parents; and +when explosions and smells pervaded the house, her father, with a proud +smile, would exclaim: "What genius and enthusiasm that dear girl does +display!" Josephine afterwards became a distinguished professor, with an +awestruck family, and a husband who made it his chief duty and privilege +to save her from all worry and interruption in her valuable work. + +John, who knows in his heart of hearts that he could have walked round +Josephine, in the old days, now speaks with manly pride of his sister, +the Professor. His own bent, however, has always been so painfully +strong that he even yet tries to snatch spare moments for his +researches; but the strain in so many directions has broken down his +health. People always told him that a man's constitution was not fitted +for severe brain-work. He supposes it is true. + +During those odd moments, he made a discovery that seemed to him of +value, and he told Sophia about it, in a mood of scientific enthusiasm. +But she burst out laughing, and said he would really be setting the +Thames on fire if he didn't take care. + +"Perhaps you will excuse my remarking, my dear, that I think you might +be more usefully, not to say becomingly employed, in attending to your +children and your household duties, than in dealing with explosive +substances in the back dining-room." + +And Sophia tossed off her glass of port in such an unanswerable manner, +that John felt as if a defensive reply would be almost of the nature of +a sacrilege. So he remained silent, feeling vaguely guilty. And as +Johnny took measles just then, and it ran through the house, there was +no chance of completing his work, or of making it of public value. + +Curiously enough, a little later, Josephine made the very same +discovery--only rather less perfect--and every one said, with +acclamation, that science had been revolutionised by a discovery before +which that of gravitation paled. + +John still hoped, after twenty years of experience, that presently, by +some different arrangement, some better management on his part, he would +achieve leisure and mental repose to do the work that his heart was in; +but that time never came. + +No doubt John was not infallible, and made mistakes in dealing with his +various problems: do the best of us achieve consummate wisdom? No doubt, +if he had followed the advice that we could all have supplied him with, +in such large quantities, he might have done rather more than he did. +But the question is: Did his marriage interfere with his +self-development and career, and would many other Johns, in his +circumstances, have succeeded much better? + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Daughters of Danaus, by Mona Caird + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DAUGHTERS OF DANAUS *** + +***** This file should be named 21858.txt or 21858.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/1/8/5/21858/ + +Produced by Anne Storer, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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