diff options
| author | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-03-11 10:21:06 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-03-11 10:21:06 -0700 |
| commit | 1ad63b1f51d9a67486775e1b0199bc3f329460e3 (patch) | |
| tree | 31f2992b1c6e8f132a4eeb0d94a2583933f9b277 | |
| parent | 7790e42a77b6fb666acbd33ffdde1372e101a2d6 (diff) | |
| -rw-r--r-- | old/20566-h.zip | bin | 143365 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/20566-h/20566-h.htm | 1294 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/20566-h/images/rogers.jpg | bin | 99059 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/20566-h/images/rogers_th.jpg | bin | 19994 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/20566-h/images/title.png | bin | 3507 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/20566.txt | 1154 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/20566.zip | bin | 18091 -> 0 bytes |
7 files changed, 0 insertions, 2448 deletions
diff --git a/old/20566-h.zip b/old/20566-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index c802a75..0000000 --- a/old/20566-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/20566-h/20566-h.htm b/old/20566-h/20566-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 842e66f..0000000 --- a/old/20566-h/20566-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1294 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> - -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of Rogers-isms, by Will Rogers. - </title> - <style type="text/css"> -/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ -<!-- - p { margin-top: .75em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .75em; - } - h1,h3,h4,h5,h6 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; - } - h2 {text-align: center; - clear: both; - letter-spacing: 0.15ex; - } - hr {width: 30%; - margin-top: 0em; - margin-bottom: 0em; - margin-left: auto; - margin-right: auto; - clear: both; - height: 1px; - border: 0; - background-color: black; - color: black;} - - body{margin-left: 25%; - margin-right: 25%; - } - - p.body {margin-top: 1.5em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: 1.5em; - text-indent: 1em; - } - p.publisher { - margin-top: 2em; - text-align: center; - letter-spacing: 0.15ex; - margin-bottom: 4em; - } - p.copyright { - margin-top: 2em; - text-align: center; - font-size: small; - margin-bottom: 4em;} - - div.note { - margin: 4em 10% 0 10%; - padding: 1em; - border: 1px dashed black; - background-color: #F0F8FF; - font-size: smaller; - color: inherit; - } - - img - {border-style: none; - margin-bottom: 1em; - } - - .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ - /* visibility: hidden; */ - position: absolute; - right: 1%; - font-size: x-small; - text-align: right; - } /* page numbers */ - - a:link { - text-decoration: none; - color: #104E8B; - background-color: inherit; - } - a:visited { - text-decoration: none; - color: #8B0000; - background-color: inherit; - } - a:hover { - text-decoration: underline; - } - a:active { - text-decoration: underline; - } - .center {text-align: center;} - .right {position: absolute; right: 10%;} - .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} - .u {text-decoration: underline;} - - .caption {font-weight: bold; text-align: center;} - - .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center; padding-top: 4em;} - - // --> - /* XML end ]]>*/ - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Rogers-isms, the Cowboy Philosopher on the -Peace Conference, by Will Rogers - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Rogers-isms, the Cowboy Philosopher on the Peace Conference - -Author: Will Rogers - -Release Date: February 11, 2007 [EBook #20566] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROGERS-ISMS, THE COWBOY *** - - - - -Produced by Bryan Ness, Irma Špehar and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -book was produced from scanned images of public domain -material from the Google Print project.) - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<h1>ROGERS-ISMS</h1> - -<hr style="margin-top: 2em; width: 50%" /> - -<h2>The Cowboy Philosopher <br />on <i>The Peace Conference</i></h2> - -<hr style="margin-bottom: 2em; width: 50%" /> - -<h2>By WILL ROGERS</h2> - -<p class="figcenter"><a href="images/rogers.jpg"><img src="images/rogers_th.jpg" -alt="Roy Rogers" title="Roy Rogers" /></a></p> -<p class="caption">Frontispiece Portrait</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 100px;"> -<img src="images/title.png" width="100" height="111" alt="title" title="title" /> -</div> - -<hr /> -<p class="publisher"><i>NEW YORK</i>: HARPER &<br /> BROTHERS: <i>PUBLISHERS</i></p> - - - - -<p class="copyright"> -<span class="smcap">Rogers-isms:<br /> -The Cowboy Philosopher on the Peace Conference</span><br /> -<br /> -Copyright, 1919, by Harper & Brothers<br /> -Printed in the United States of America<br /> -Published May, 1919<br /> -</p> - - - -<hr /> -<h2><a name="The_Cowboy_Philosopher_on_The_Peace_Conference" id="The_Cowboy_Philosopher_on_The_Peace_Conference"></a>The Cowboy Philosopher<br /> on <i>The Peace Conference</i></h2> - - - -<p><i>In the Five times I have appeared before President Wilson I -have used dozens of these same jokes, about him, And he has -the best sense of humor and is the best audience I ever -played too, Which bears out the theory I work on, That you -can always joke about a big Man that is really big, But dont -ever kid about the little fellow that thinks he is -something, cause he will get sore Thats why hes little,</i></p> - -<p style="margin-left: 85%">W. R.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> - - - -<hr /> -<h2><a name="ALIBI" id="ALIBI"></a>ALIBI</h2> - - -<p class="body">There is no particular reason why I should horn in on you -Public with a Book, But thats just when they seem to write -them, When theres no need or reason for them,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>The shorter white Paper gets the more careless these Pen -Hounds get with it,</i></p> - -<p class="body">All my friends advise me to go ahead Will and write it cause -you wont annoy people with it like these other Writers do -with theirs, Nobody will read yours</p> - -<p class="body">When a Guy has never grazed educationally any further than -McGuffeys fourth Reader his ravings aint liable to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span> throw -any jealous scare into Literary Circles,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>Grammar and I get along like a Russian and a BathTub</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">In fact Americans are getting to dote too much on Grammar -and Good Manners, They say the most perfect English in this -country is spoken in Sing Sing, And at the Federal Prison in -Atlanta, They claim a Knife never touched a Lip, So you see -where that junk leads you too,</p> - -<p class="body">I was going to write a Book on the War, But I heard some -fellow had already done it,</p> - -<p class="body">In fact I figure that the fellow who dont write on the war -will be a novelty,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span> <b>There is so many Books on the War that -no two people will have to read the same Book.</b></p> - -<p class="body">Then the War was too serious a subject I could not write on -it, But the Peace Feast, That seemed to offer a better field -for Humor provided you stick to the <i>facts</i>,</p> - -<p class="body"><span class="u">I have some inside facts procured from the most reliable -source</span>, And as I dont want to see the World grow up in -ignorance on this historical subject I would really feel -selfish and mean too withold it,</p> - -<p class="body">Heres how I got it, There is a fellow I know, Who had a -friend, And this friends Sister had a sweetheart and he was -a Soldier in France and his cousins<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span> pal was a Bunkie of Col -Houses Chouffer, The Col told his Chouffer So you see my -information comes from the same place Pres Wilsons does,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>So Here Goes Under The Bottom With</i> THE FIRST PEACE BOOK,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p> - - - -<hr /> -<h2><a name="THE_PEACE_CONFERENCE" id="THE_PEACE_CONFERENCE"></a>THE PEACE CONFERENCE</h2> - - -<p class="body">Of course this whole Peace Conference talk started from the -time Pres Wilson said to Germany "We wont deal with you as -long as you occupy invaded Territory." Well the Kaiser come -right back at him and said, "If you can show us how we can -give it up any faster than we are I wish you would do it,"</p> - -<p class="body">Now the Armistace was signed, and Germany agreed to quit -running at eleven oclock on a certain day,</p> - -<p class="body">Of course we got the word a couple of days before it was -really signed, Mak<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span>ing everybody have TWO DRUNKS where one -would have done just as well,</p> - -<p class="body">It would have been signed on this first day But the German -Generals whom they sent out to sign up, had never been to -the front and dident know just where it was,</p> - -<p class="body">The Kaiser was on the verge at one time of visiting the -western front then he said, "No I will just wait a few days -till it comes to me,"</p> - -<p class="body">Our Show was playing in Philadelphia when the first -Armistace was signed, (<i>The one the saloon men framed up</i>) I -was a bit leary of it all the time as I had been there once -before when the Union League Club had paraded for a Mr -Hughes, Then later they had to put the Parade back,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body"><span class="smcap">I had always believed Phila to be slow and here it was 2 -days ahead of the Facts</span></p> - -<p class="body">At that time everybody wondered what to do with the Kaiser, -I thought he should have been brought to this Country and -made to clean the streets after that first Armistace day,</p> - -<p class="body">A funny thing the Armistace was signed about the time the -returns of the last election come in. The Germans and the -Democrats learned their fate on the same day,</p> - -<p class="body">When the war was over the Kaiser called his 6 sons to him -and said, "Now boys we better duck Cause this war is over -and you boys can get hurt <i>Now</i>,"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">The thing that hurt the Kaiser worse than losing the war, -Was that in all the Armistace terms they dident even mention -his name,</p> - -<p class="body">Everybody commence talking about the Peace Conference and -who was to go, Some Republican Senators went so far as to -engage a lower birth,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>There was so much argument about who was to go, That Pres -Wilson says I tell you what, "We will split 50-50 I will go -and you fellows can stay,"</i></p> - -<p class="body">At last we were going to get even with them for all their -commissions coming over here,</p> - -<p class="body">You know for a while COMMISSIONS were coming so fast, That -we<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> were lucky to find a fellow who knew what Flag to put -out each day,</p> - -<p class="body" style="font-size: small; font-weight: bold">We were meeting Servian Commissions with Romanian Flags,</p> - -<p class="body">Of course there were nations coming at that time who had not -enough to support a flag, Thats why the commission were here -to place a Flag Contract,</p> - -<p class="body">Now to get to my Peace trip, About three months are supposed -to have elapsed between the last Paragraph and this one, All -of which time was taken up by Congress talking, (<i>see -congressional Record</i>) Finally Pres Wilson got tired -listening to them and walked out on them,</p> - -<p class="body">If it had not been to get away from Congress, I have my -doubts if he would have gone to Europe,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body"><i>Now for the Number 2 Peace trip,</i></p> - -<p class="body">This Peace trip is not an original Idea, (It was originated -by some obscure <span class="smcap">Manafacturer of Knick Nacks</span>,) <i>Name -furnished at advertising rates</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">Its always the same, the fellow who originates anything or -starts something new is generally called a nut, The next -fellow comes along takes his Idea improves on it and of -course is a smart man,</p> - -<p class="body">Of Course this No 2 Company used better Judgement than the -first one. This one waited till the war was over to Go,</p> - -<p class="body">This is the only case in Theatrical History where the No 2 -Company was better than the original,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Of corse I claim this Manafacturer in some middle west town -(I cant seem to recall that fellows name) made one mistake, -There were people on his Boat that should never have had a -return trip ticket,</p> - -<p class="body">Through Holland receiving them is where the Kaiser got his -idea of going there,</p> - -<p class="body">Of course there was a lot of dissatisfaction against the -Pres going, Mostly by people whom he did not take along,</p> - -<p class="body">I was in favor of his going because I thought it would give -us a chance to find out who was Vice President, But it -Dident,</p> - -<p class="body">I also felt confident that he was the only man that could -explain the 14 points<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">We were especially lucky in having him represent us in -England as he is the only one we could have sent that spoke -good enough english that they could understand,</p> - -<p class="body">He would have taken a Senator but couldent find one that had -a dress Suit</p> - -<p class="body">A congressman of course was out of the question He couldent -have eaten off a 15 million dollar plate He would have -starved to death looking at it,</p> - -<p class="body">For awhile it looked like Mr Hughes would get to go, While -the others were signing up he could have been investigating, -his report would have been ready the day before the next -election,</p> - -<p class="body">Also asked a manafacturer from some lake town (I cant think -of that Birds<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> name) But he said "No thank you one trip -cured me"</p> - -<p class="body">The Sectry of Agriculture was named to go for a while, It -was thought that if we were fortunate enough to be assigned -any loose Islands at the meeting He could immediately advise -what to plant thereby getting in a crop next year,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>MR ROOT</i> was named then some one happened to think of -RUSSIA and that was off,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>Wanted</i> BRYAN <i>to go but nobody knew where he was,</i></p> - -<p class="body">I wanted to go along as <i>JESTER</i> Pres Wilson will miss his -comedy when he gets away from Congress,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">I wanted to represent the United Press (the one that sent in -that prematur peace report) I could have had them there -before they started,</p> - -<p class="body">See they took one Republican with them, But I have never -read any thing in the papers about him landing, Just about -chucked that guy overboard,</p> - -<p class="body"><b>Took a republican along to argue with on the way over,</b></p> - -<p class="body"><b>They will about make him Wait on the Peace Table,</b></p> - -<p class="body">See where Admiral Dr Grayson stood his Maiden voyage well,</p> - -<p class="body">Mr Creel went along to suppress any SCANDAL that may crop -up<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">On arriving they found they had forgotten something after -searching they found it was the <i>Industrial Committee</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">Now Mr Barney Baruch is going in case we land a few Shekels, -why Barney will count up for us,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>Also Mr Garfield "said he wasent going to stay in this -Country and FREEZE another winter,"</i></p> - -<p class="body">If they keep on sending for them, Talk about getting the -boys back, it will take a couple of years to get all these -Peace Guys back,</p> - -<p class="body">We may not have had as many Nations in the war as these -other Nations but we are going to Swamp them at the Peace -Table,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Col House was there to meet the Boat in a <span style="font-size: small; font-style: italic">listening -Capacity</span>,</p> - -<p class="body">Lot of men have <i>fought</i> their way into fame and <i>talked</i> -their way into fame but Col House is the only man that ever -just <span class="smcap">listened himself in</span>,</p> - -<p class="body">After looking over Paris the troop went to London, Can you -imagine how sore these Republicans got when they read about -a Democrat sleeping in Buckingham Palace,</p> - -<p class="body">Kaiser and Czar used to kid King George and tell him he -dident have any power He can get back at them now and say -"No I havent got much power but I am still <i>Kinging</i> aint -I,"</p> - -<p class="body">Pres left London passed through Paris got an earfull from -Col House<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> and played a week of one Night stands through -Italy,</p> - -<p class="body">He had a letter of recomendation from Caruso so he met some -of the best people in Italy,</p> - -<p class="body">Every time the Pres wanted applause in his speeches in Italy -he would mention GARIBALDI which sounds same in English as -Italian,</p> - -<p class="body">Belgium wanted to book him there but the Pres got wise that -they were holding so many Banquets they were trying to wear -him out before the Peace Feast started,</p> - -<p class="body">King of Italy also the King of England have agreed with him -up to now But unfortunately they neither one will be at the -Peace signing,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">England is orally in accord but there has been nothing -signed,</p> - -<p class="body">They are a little late starting as they were waiting to find -someone who knew what freedom of the Seas mean,</p> - -<p class="body"><span class="smcap">now if he can only handle that meeting as he does congress -we need have no fear of the result</span>,</p> - -<p class="body">You know a lot of people think he is liable to be too easy -with them dont you believe it he can be pretty stern when he -wants to remember last fall when he sent Germany their -Questionaire, Said GIVE ME YOUR REAL NAME AND PERMANENT -ADDRESS,</p> - -<p class="body">Lets hope the Turkish Deligation dont bring all their WIVES -or we never will get <i>PEACE</i>,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">And lets make those Russians shave before they sign up we -want to know who we are dealing with,</p> - -<p class="body">If Ireland sends a deligation I can hear France say bring us -back war,</p> - -<p class="body">Now the Pres says we are going to recognize the <span class="smcap">czecho -slovaks</span> we may recognize them but we will never pronounce -them,</p> - -<p class="body">That Nation has caused Readers more trouble than any other -one in war,</p> - -<p class="body">They cant make the Peace terms much worse than those -Armistace terms for they read like a 2nd mortgage, Party of -the second part has no more chance than a Democrat in the -next Congress,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">We are handicapped at this meeting, England and France both -have their Prime Ministers there while <i>BILLY SUNDAY</i> dident -go for us,</p> - -<p class="body">Each Nation is supposed to share in the Peace terms -according to what they have done in the war, Holland gets -the KAISER, Mexico the <span style="font-size: x-small">CROWN PRINCE</span>,</p> - -<p class="body">Now the Pres has to get back here before Mar 1st when the -Country goes in into the hands of the Republicans or they -are liable to want to charge him a tarriff to get in again,</p> - -<p class="body">OF COURSE WE DONT RECEIVE MUCH NEWS OF THE PEACE CONFERENCE. -FIRST FEW WEEKS THEY ARE ALL JUST COMPLIMENTING EACH OTHER. -WAIT TILL THEY GO TO DIVIDE UP<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> SOMETHING. (What a truth -that turned out to be)</p> - -<p class="body">Well by this time Congress was getting pretty rough so Pres -W grabbed his boat and commuted back home,</p> - -<p class="body">Said I think I will land in BOSTON the old Pilgrim Fathers -had pretty fair luck, and <i>nobody has ever landed there -since</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">Germany couldent figure out how America could get troops -over there and get them trained so quick they dident know -that in our manual there is nothing about <span class="smcap">retreating</span> and -when you only got to teach an Army to go one way you can do -it in half the time,</p> - -<p class="body">I feel pretty proud over that last little gag, As I used it -before Pres Wilson in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span> Washington and he repeated it in his -Boston speech, Saying "as one of our <span class="smcap">american humorists</span> -says," Up to then I had only been an ordinary Rope thrower,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>Pretty tough when the Pres cops your act,</i></p> - -<p class="body">Pres had pretty good luck on that 1st trip they saw his 14 -points and raised him -------- ---- more</p> - -<p class="body">Says in there, "There is to be no more wars" and then there -was a Paragraph a little further down told you where to get -your AMMUNITION in case there was one,</p> - -<p class="body">Now he come's back to Washington to explain the <span class="smcap"><i>league of -nations</i></span> to Congress You know those guys cant read anything -and understand it,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">But after eating out of 15 million dollar Gold Plates and -hobnobbing with Kings and Dukes can you imagine how Congress -looked to him when he come back,</p> - -<p class="body">Had All the Senators up to dinner at White House Took Ham -Lewis three days to dress for it,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>Not much news from the Dinner Burleson copped the Phones,</i></p> - -<p class="body">On last day went up to Capitol to sign all the bills -Congress had passed Well after he had signed the <i>bill</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">Then he went before Congress and balled out the <span class="smcap">wilful 37</span>, -he was busier than Mcadoo with a new train,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">HE and Taft both spoke on same stage first time Pres and -x-pres ever <i>agreed</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">I still wanted to go along but he said: "wait Will till some -other trip and I will take you,"</p> - -<p class="body">You know <i>13</i> is his lucky number if they dont sign this up -on this trip he knows they will on his 13th trip,</p> - -<p class="body">You see Congress got sore cause he did not call them in -extra session, You know the next Con, is <i>Republican</i>, Be a -good joke on them if he dident call them at all wouldent it,</p> - -<p class="body">Back to Paris to meet Col House the only man the Pres ever -listened too,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body"><span class="smcap">MR daniels</span> went over. First time they have ever taken -Josephus anywhere, He will be allright in a crowd,</p> - -<p class="body">Made Mr Hoover food DICTATOR for all the Allies That means -that <i>BELG FRANCE</i> and <i>ENG</i>, are not going to get any -<i>more</i> to eat than we do,</p> - -<p class="body">Conference at 1st gave America Japan Italy France 5 -deligates each and England including her Colonies fourteen, -Thats all right to allow England for each one of her -<i>Foreign Relations</i>, But they did not allow us a single one -for <i>Wisconsin</i>,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>How would you like to have been on a committee of</i> -Englishman <i>to inform Ireland they dident get any -Deligates</i>, OH BOY,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Finally got it down to the big TEN now theres only <span class="smcap">four</span>, -speaking to each other,</p> - -<p class="body">America dident know till they got over there that those -European Nations have had a disease for years called the -Gimmes.</p> - -<p class="body">England and Japan had a secret Treaty where England was to -get everything south of the equator and Japan everything -North, Guess they were going to leave the equator for -Ireland,</p> - -<p class="body">Japan wanted it put in the contract that she was as good as -anybody else If she <i>admitted</i> it why put it in, If a man is -a Gentleman he don't have a <i>sign</i> on him telling it,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Tell Japan we will recognize them as soon as they recognize -China,</p> - -<p class="body"><b>Peace Table is turning out like all Banquets the speeches -are too long,</b></p> - -<p class="body">Everybody at the Table wants a second helping, And Germany -the cook hasent got enough to go around,</p> - -<p class="body">They agreed on one of the 14 points that was that America -went in for <i>nothing</i> and <i>expects nothing</i> they are all -<span class="smcap">unanimous we get it</span>,</p> - -<p class="body">Wanted to put the LEAGUE of nations in with Peace Treaty, -thats like a fellow going into a store and the Merchant wont -sell him a Suit unless he uses a Gillette Razor,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Its been a great thing for these Senators if it had not been -for this to <i>knock</i> they would not have gotten all these -Lecture Dates,</p> - -<p class="body">The way a lot Of Senators talk you would think Pres W was -going to trade America off for a couple of Golf Clubs,</p> - -<p class="body">They seem to think the Pres took the <b>Monroe Doctrine</b> in his -pocket and is liable to lose it over there,</p> - -<p class="body">Pres Wilson threatened he would start the war over again, Be -terrible if they found out this war was fixed and they had -to fight it over again,</p> - -<p class="body">They cant let the Russians in this league or they would make -a Bush League out of it,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body"><i>Best time to have formed this League of Nations was during -the war when all these Nations needed each other,</i></p> - -<p class="body">Everybody is for something to prevent war, but they are -afraid it is like Prohibition it dont prohibit,</p> - -<p class="body">League of Nations just as clear as the Income Tax blanks,</p> - -<p class="body">One thing we got to be thankful for our Soldiers can win -wars faster than our Diplomats can talk us into them,</p> - -<p class="body">Pres Wilson finally got discouraged at the stalling and told -them that if they dident hurry up and do something the -Americans would pick up their Wives and come home,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Pres says "JAMES BRING MY BOAT"</p> - -<p class="body">They then got busy and decided that Belgium could try the -Kaiser, Belgium said "how do we get him," Allies said "thats -it if we could get him we would try him ourselves,"</p> - -<p class="body">Some Nations got so tired waiting for Peace they went back -to fighting again,</p> - -<p class="body">Been working on this League of Nations all winter, Finally -one of the deligates said "What about Peace with Germany" -The others all said "thats right we never thought of that,"</p> - -<p class="body">Went to call in Germany and they said "Why we had give you -all up<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span> thought you wasent coming, We got a better offer -from the Bolsheveki"</p> - -<p class="body"><b>They offer us no indemnities and no Baths,</b></p> - -<p class="body">If they ever have another war lets have it understood before -they start what each Nation wants at the finish,</p> - -<p class="body">All those Nations claim they were fighting for freedom, But -of course a little more land would make a little more -Freedom,</p> - -<p class="body">One thing about this League, The last war there were only 10 -or 15 nations in it now if they all sign this they can all -be in the next one, It wont be near so exclusive,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body"><i>Course its hard to please everybody Taft tried that,</i></p> - -<p class="body">If Pres Wilson had any doubts about this League of Nations -being put through he should have taken some of these -Prohibitionist. They would have shown him how to get it -through whether people wanted it or not,</p> - -<p class="body">France says they would have more confidence in this League -if they would slip a couple of Nations in between them and -Germany,</p> - -<p class="body"><span class="smcap">i wonder if we quit fighting too quick and dident sign peace -quick enough</span>,</p> - -<p class="body">Dont get impatient. It has been just this hard at the end of -every war to try and prevent another one,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Pres on his last voyage home said the Monroe Doctrine was -fully protected already And to show them that it was, He has -now put it in,</p> - -<p class="body">This Monroe thing the Republicans talk so much of and know -so little about, Protects us against everything but VILLA.</p> - -<p class="body">And in the whole History of America he is the only <i>Nation</i> -that ever attacked us,</p> - -<p class="body">Italy says they will pick up their Marbles and go home</p> - -<p class="body">Pres Wilson says you may Fiume, But you will never get it,</p> - -<p class="body">Today is Japans day to threaten to pack their kimonas and -leave,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Italy bases her claim on an old treaty, She cant afford to -trace her Treatys back too far, <i>If I remember she -originally was signed up with Germany</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">Pres Wilson certainly used good judgement in visiting Italy -when he first went over,</p> - -<p class="body">Sectry BAKER has gone back over to France again think old -Newt, kinder likes PARIS,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>They wanted Mcadoo to go but the salary wasent right,</i></p> - -<p class="body">Can you imagine a guy that couldent make a living out of all -the jobs he held, I would love to have just half what one -Republican would have made out of all that,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Lot of Reps dont want this League Gag to pass they are -jealous cause the Democrats ran the last war, And they want -to have another one to show how much better they could run -one than the Democrats,</p> - -<p class="body">Even the Big 4 seem to be losing confidence, They have -removed the words High Contracting Parties, which appeared -418 times in the original and now speak of it meekly as -members of the League,</p> - -<p class="body">We know Pres Wilson had a lot to do with drafting it, Cause -it has so many WORDS</p> - -<p class="body">Now it will take longer to explain it than it did to write -it,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">If Mr Lodge and Mr Lowell debate on these new amendments -Boston has applied for a change of Venue,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>Only debate ever held where both men agreed,</i></p> - -<p class="body">Pres is up to his old tricks has sent a NOTE to Italy,</p> - -<p class="body">His appeal to the Italian People caused as much of a furore -as the one to the voters last fall,</p> - -<p class="body">Italy says they know Fiume was not in their secret treaty -with other Allies But its a nice town and they hate to see -it fall into bad hands,</p> - -<p class="body">Get all those Nations sore enough to start telling the truth -about each other, We will hear something,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Italy claims Fiume because there is more Italians there than -anybody else, according to that Look whod get <span class="smcap">new york</span></p> - -<p class="body">Japans claims are sorter novel "They want pay for capturing -part of China one of our own Allies"</p> - -<p class="body">They have offered to protect Siberia if they have to stay -there forever to do it,</p> - -<p class="body">If Japan gets all her claims China will pay more indemnities -than Germany who lost the war,</p> - -<p class="body">Imagine Japan, Pres Wilson, and Italy, All talking at once, -Good thing they cant understand each other or this -Conference would never have lasted this long,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">AND THEY CALL THAT A <span class="u">PEACE CONFERENCE</span>,</p> - -<p class="body">Guess those CZECHO POLOKS have gotten their freedom, I see -where they are at <i>war</i>.</p> - -<p class="body">Wish I could find a man who had read this <span class="smcap">League of Nations</span>, -And could tell which was the <i>Assembly</i> and which was the -<i>Council</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">Thats a good clause in there "where any Allied Nation must -give three months notice before it jumps onto any other -Allied Nation,"</p> - -<p class="body"><i>Now the Women want to send Deligates, They forget this is -a</i> Peace Conference,</p> - -<p class="body">See where the German Deligates to the Peace Table brought -their Golf<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span> Clubs We can see now how Admiral Graysons Pupil -stacks up against opposition,</p> - -<p class="body">See where Pres Wilson and Italy have compromised on that -town down there <i>Italy got it</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">Its kinder new wrinkle in Diplomacy, The Slovaks can play -with it four years till they begin to like it, And then they -take it away from them,</p> - -<p class="body"><span class="smcap">As I understand it Italy is to have it Tuesdays and -Saturdays</span>,</p> - -<p class="body">But they are going to build those other People (<i>with that -terrible name</i>) A little young town just as much like this -one as they can, down the river aways<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Guess the reason they put a four year limit on it, Was that -they figured that would about cover the existence of any of -those new Nations,</p> - -<p class="body">The Idea over there now seems to be lets get something ready -to sign up, Whether its any good or not,</p> - -<p class="body">See where Pres Wilson and Japan <i>compromised</i> on that <span class="smcap">Chow -Chow Place Japan gets it</span>,</p> - -<p class="body">I dont know how much money Indemnity Japan will demand from -China,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>You know</i> CHINA <i>has one of the best</i> JAPANESE <i>Armies in -the World</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">See where Pres Wilson and England compromised on Freedom of -the Seas England got it,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">Italy left the Conference and got what she wanted, Japan -threatened to leave and got what she wanted, If Pres Wilson -had left some Republican Senators would have gotten what -they wanted,</p> - -<p class="body"><i>Seems several Nations were like</i> Jesse Willard <i>they wanted -to know what they were to get before they entered the -Arena</i>,</p> - -<p class="body">Well they finally handed Germany the Peace terms 80 thousand -words only thing ever written longer than a Lafollette -Speech,</p> - -<p class="body"><span class="smcap">Had to be that long to tell the Germans what they thought of -them</span></p> - -<p class="body">Imagine what a document for Lawers to pick flaws in,</p> - -<p class="body">Could have settled the whole thing in one sentence, "IF YOU -BIRDS<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span> START ANYTHING AGAIN WE WILL GIVE YOU THE OTHER -BARREL,"</p> - -<p class="body">RUSSIA cant get in on this Peace There is not enough Paper -in the World to print 80 thousand Russian words on,</p> - -<p class="body">If they want to get even with Germany they ought to let them -keep their Cables And appoint Burleson to run them</p> - -<p class="body"><i>I thought the Armistace terms read like a second Mortgage, -But this reads like a</i> <span class="smcap">foreclosure</span>,</p> - -<p class="body">If Germany ever wants to go to war again she will have to -fight with <i>BEER STEINS</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span></p> - -<p class="body">If Germany stops to read those 80 thousand words before they -sign them, We needent expect Peace to be signed for years -yet,</p> - -<p class="body">Now Folks with all this kidding and foolishness aside, for I -just say in here whatever I think anybody might laugh at, -But of course my real sentiments are the same as everybody -else, anything to prevent war If He puts this thing through -and there is no more wars, His address will be WHITE HOUSE -WASHINGTON D C till his whiskers are as long as the Peace -Treaty If it should be a Fliv, (which it wont) Why then a -letter would reach him at ALABI NEW JERSEY. So all Credit to -Pres Wilson it took some game Guy to go through with it,</p> - -<p class="center">THE END</p> - -<div class="note"> - -<h3>Transcriber's Note</h3> - -<p>The spelling, punctuation and formatting in this project greatly -varies. Everything has been kept as it appears in the original images.</p> -</div> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Rogers-isms, the Cowboy Philosopher on -the Peace Conference, by Will Rogers - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROGERS-ISMS, THE COWBOY *** - -***** This file should be named 20566-h.htm or 20566-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/5/6/20566/ - -Produced by Bryan Ness, Irma Špehar and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -book was produced from scanned images of public domain -material from the Google Print project.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project -Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you -charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you -do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the -rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose -such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and -research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do -practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is -subject to the trademark license, especially commercial -redistribution. - - - -*** START: FULL LICENSE *** - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project -Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at -http://gutenberg.org/license). - - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy -all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. -If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the -terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or -entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement -and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" -or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the -collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an -individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are -located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from -copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative -works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg -are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project -Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by -freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of -this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with -the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by -keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project -Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in -a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check -the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement -before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or -creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project -Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning -the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United -States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate -access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently -whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, -copied or distributed: - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived -from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is -posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied -and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees -or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work -with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the -work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 -through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the -Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or -1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional -terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked -to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the -permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any -word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or -distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than -"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version -posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), -you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a -copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon -request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other -form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided -that - -- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is - owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he - has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the - Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments - must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you - prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax - returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and - sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the - address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to - the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." - -- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or - destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium - and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of - Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any - money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days - of receipt of the work. - -- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set -forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from -both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael -Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the -Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm -collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain -"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or -corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual -property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a -computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by -your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with -your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with -the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a -refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity -providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to -receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy -is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further -opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER -WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO -WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. -If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the -law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be -interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by -the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any -provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance -with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, -promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, -harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, -that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do -or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm -work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any -Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. - - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers -including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists -because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from -people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. -To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 -and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org. - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive -Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at -http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent -permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. -Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered -throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at -809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email -business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact -information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official -page at http://pglaf.org - -For additional contact information: - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To -SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any -particular state visit http://pglaf.org - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. -To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate - - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm -concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared -with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project -Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. - - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. -unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - http://www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - - -</pre> - -</body> -</html> - diff --git a/old/20566-h/images/rogers.jpg b/old/20566-h/images/rogers.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 50d5bb3..0000000 --- a/old/20566-h/images/rogers.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/20566-h/images/rogers_th.jpg b/old/20566-h/images/rogers_th.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index e0cb450..0000000 --- a/old/20566-h/images/rogers_th.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/20566-h/images/title.png b/old/20566-h/images/title.png Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 67f9124..0000000 --- a/old/20566-h/images/title.png +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/20566.txt b/old/20566.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 772dba0..0000000 --- a/old/20566.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1154 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Rogers-isms, the Cowboy Philosopher on the -Peace Conference, by Will Rogers - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Rogers-isms, the Cowboy Philosopher on the Peace Conference - -Author: Will Rogers - -Release Date: February 11, 2007 [EBook #20566] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROGERS-ISMS, THE COWBOY *** - - - - -Produced by Bryan Ness, Irma Špehar and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -book was produced from scanned images of public domain -material from the Google Print project.) - - - - - -ROGERS-ISMS - -The Cowboy Philosopher on _The Peace Conference_ - -By WILL ROGERS - -[Illustration] - -Frontispiece Portrait - -[Illustration] - -_NEW YORK_: HARPER & BROTHERS: _PUBLISHERS_ - - - - -ROGERS-ISMS: -THE COWBOY PHILOSOPHER ON THE PEACE CONFERENCE - -Copyright, 1919, by Harper & Brothers -Printed in the United States of America -Published May, 1919 - - - - -The Cowboy Philosopher on _The Peace Conference_ - - - -_In the Five times I have appeared before President Wilson I -have used dozens of these same jokes, about him, And he has -the best sense of humor and is the best audience I ever -played too, Which bears out the theory I work on, That you -can always joke about a big Man that is really big, But dont -ever kid about the little fellow that thinks he is -something, cause he will get sore Thats why hes little,_ - -W. R. - - - - -ALIBI - - -There is no particular reason why I should horn in on you -Public with a Book, But thats just when they seem to write -them, When theres no need or reason for them, - -_The shorter white Paper gets the more careless these Pen -Hounds get with it,_ - -All my friends advise me to go ahead Will and write it cause -you wont annoy people with it like these other Writers do -with theirs, Nobody will read yours - -When a Guy has never grazed educationally any further than -McGuffeys fourth Reader his ravings aint liable to throw -any jealous scare into Literary Circles, - -_Grammar and I get along like a Russian and a BathTub,_ - -In fact Americans are getting to dote too much on Grammar -and Good Manners, They say the most perfect English in this -country is spoken in Sing Sing, And at the Federal Prison in -Atlanta, They claim a Knife never touched a Lip, So you see -where that junk leads you too, - -I was going to write a Book on the War, But I heard some -fellow had already done it, - -In fact I figure that the fellow who dont write on the war -will be a novelty, There is so many Books on the War that -no two people will have to read the same Book. - -Then the War was too serious a subject I could not write on -it, But the Peace Feast, That seemed to offer a better field -for Humor provided you stick to the _facts_, - -_I have some inside facts procured from the most reliable -source_, And as I dont want to see the World grow up in -ignorance on this historical subject I would really feel -selfish and mean too withold it, - -Heres how I got it, There is a fellow I know, Who had a -friend, And this friends Sister had a sweetheart and he was -a Soldier in France and his cousins pal was a Bunkie of Col -Houses Chouffer, The Col told his Chouffer So you see my -information comes from the same place Pres Wilsons does, - -_So Here Goes Under The Bottom With_ THE FIRST PEACE BOOK, - - - - -THE PEACE CONFERENCE - - -Of course this whole Peace Conference talk started from the -time Pres Wilson said to Germany "We wont deal with you as -long as you occupy invaded Territory." Well the Kaiser come -right back at him and said, "If you can show us how we can -give it up any faster than we are I wish you would do it," - -Now the Armistace was signed, and Germany agreed to quit -running at eleven oclock on a certain day, - -Of course we got the word a couple of days before it was -really signed, Making everybody have TWO DRUNKS where one -would have done just as well, - -It would have been signed on this first day But the German -Generals whom they sent out to sign up, had never been to -the front and dident know just where it was, - -The Kaiser was on the verge at one time of visiting the -western front then he said, "No I will just wait a few days -till it comes to me," - -Our Show was playing in Philadelphia when the first -Armistace was signed, (_The one the saloon men framed up_) I -was a bit leary of it all the time as I had been there once -before when the Union League Club had paraded for a Mr -Hughes, Then later they had to put the Parade back, - -I HAD ALWAYS BELIEVED PHILA TO BE SLOW AND HERE IT WAS 2 -DAYS AHEAD OF THE FACTS - -At that time everybody wondered what to do with the Kaiser, -I thought he should have been brought to this Country and -made to clean the streets after that first Armistace day, - -A funny thing the Armistace was signed about the time the -returns of the last election come in. The Germans and the -Democrats learned their fate on the same day, - -When the war was over the Kaiser called his 6 sons to him -and said, "Now boys we better duck Cause this war is over -and you boys can get hurt _Now_," - -The thing that hurt the Kaiser worse than losing the war, -Was that in all the Armistace terms they dident even mention -his name, - -Everybody commence talking about the Peace Conference and -who was to go, Some Republican Senators went so far as to -engage a lower birth, - -_There was so much argument about who was to go, That Pres -Wilson says I tell you what, "We will split 50-50 I will go -and you fellows can stay,"_ - -At last we were going to get even with them for all their -commissions coming over here, - -You know for a while COMMISSIONS were coming so fast, That -we were lucky to find a fellow who knew what Flag to put -out each day, - -We were meeting Servian Commissions with Romanian Flags, - -Of course there were nations coming at that time who had not -enough to support a flag, Thats why the commission were here -to place a Flag Contract, - -Now to get to my Peace trip, About three months are supposed -to have elapsed between the last Paragraph and this one, All -of which time was taken up by Congress talking, (_see -congressional Record_) Finally Pres Wilson got tired -listening to them and walked out on them, - -If it had not been to get away from Congress, I have my -doubts if he would have gone to Europe, - -_Now for the Number 2 Peace trip,_ - -This Peace trip is not an original Idea, (It was originated -by some obscure MANAFACTURER OF KNICK NACKS,) _Name -furnished at advertising rates_, - -Its always the same, the fellow who originates anything or -starts something new is generally called a nut, The next -fellow comes along takes his Idea improves on it and of -course is a smart man, - -Of Course this No 2 Company used better Judgement than the -first one. This one waited till the war was over to Go, - -This is the only case in Theatrical History where the No 2 -Company was better than the original, - -Of corse I claim this Manafacturer in some middle west town -(I cant seem to recall that fellows name) made one mistake, -There were people on his Boat that should never have had a -return trip ticket, - -Through Holland receiving them is where the Kaiser got his -idea of going there, - -Of course there was a lot of dissatisfaction against the -Pres going, Mostly by people whom he did not take along, - -I was in favor of his going because I thought it would give -us a chance to find out who was Vice President, But it -Dident, - -I also felt confident that he was the only man that could -explain the 14 points - -We were especially lucky in having him represent us in -England as he is the only one we could have sent that spoke -good enough english that they could understand, - -He would have taken a Senator but couldent find one that had -a dress Suit - -A congressman of course was out of the question He couldent -have eaten off a 15 million dollar plate He would have -starved to death looking at it, - -For awhile it looked like Mr Hughes would get to go, While -the others were signing up he could have been investigating, -his report would have been ready the day before the next -election, - -Also asked a manafacturer from some lake town (I cant think -of that Birds name) But he said "No thank you one trip -cured me" - -The Sectry of Agriculture was named to go for a while, It -was thought that if we were fortunate enough to be assigned -any loose Islands at the meeting He could immediately advise -what to plant thereby getting in a crop next year, - -_MR ROOT_ was named then some one happened to think of -RUSSIA and that was off, - -_Wanted_ BRYAN _to go but nobody knew where he was,_ - -I wanted to go along as _JESTER_ Pres Wilson will miss his -comedy when he gets away from Congress, - -I wanted to represent the United Press (the one that sent in -that prematur peace report) I could have had them there -before they started, - -See they took one Republican with them, But I have never -read any thing in the papers about him landing, Just about -chucked that guy overboard, - -=Took a republican along to argue with on the way over,= - -=They will about make him Wait on the Peace Table,= - -See where Admiral Dr Grayson stood his Maiden voyage well, - -Mr Creel went along to suppress any SCANDAL that may crop -up - -On arriving they found they had forgotten something after -searching they found it was the _Industrial Committee_, - -Now Mr Barney Baruch is going in case we land a few Shekels, -why Barney will count up for us, - -_Also Mr Garfield "said he wasent going to stay in this -Country and FREEZE another winter,"_ - -If they keep on sending for them, Talk about getting the -boys back, it will take a couple of years to get all these -Peace Guys back, - -We may not have had as many Nations in the war as these -other Nations but we are going to Swamp them at the Peace -Table, - -Col House was there to meet the Boat in a _listening -Capacity_, - -Lot of men have _fought_ their way into fame and _talked_ -their way into fame but Col House is the only man that ever -just LISTENED HIMSELF IN, - -After looking over Paris the troop went to London, Can you -imagine how sore these Republicans got when they read about -a Democrat sleeping in Buckingham Palace, - -Kaiser and Czar used to kid King George and tell him he -dident have any power He can get back at them now and say -"No I havent got much power but I am still _Kinging_ aint -I," - -Pres left London passed through Paris got an earfull from -Col House and played a week of one Night stands through -Italy, - -He had a letter of recomendation from Caruso so he met some -of the best people in Italy, - -Every time the Pres wanted applause in his speeches in Italy -he would mention GARIBALDI which sounds same in English as -Italian, - -Belgium wanted to book him there but the Pres got wise that -they were holding so many Banquets they were trying to wear -him out before the Peace Feast started, - -King of Italy also the King of England have agreed with him -up to now But unfortunately they neither one will be at the -Peace signing, - -England is orally in accord but there has been nothing -signed, - -They are a little late starting as they were waiting to find -someone who knew what freedom of the Seas mean, - -NOW IF HE CAN ONLY HANDLE THAT MEETING AS HE DOES CONGRESS -WE NEED HAVE NO FEAR OF THE RESULT, - -You know a lot of people think he is liable to be too easy -with them dont you believe it he can be pretty stern when he -wants to remember last fall when he sent Germany their -Questionaire, Said GIVE ME YOUR REAL NAME AND PERMANENT -ADDRESS, - -Lets hope the Turkish Deligation dont bring all their WIVES -or we never will get _PEACE_, - -And lets make those Russians shave before they sign up we -want to know who we are dealing with, - -If Ireland sends a deligation I can hear France say bring us -back war, - -Now the Pres says we are going to recognize the CZECHO -SLOVAKS we may recognize them but we will never pronounce -them, - -That Nation has caused Readers more trouble than any other -one in war, - -They cant make the Peace terms much worse than those -Armistace terms for they read like a 2nd mortgage, Party of -the second part has no more chance than a Democrat in the -next Congress, - -We are handicapped at this meeting, England and France both -have their Prime Ministers there while _BILLY SUNDAY_ dident -go for us, - -Each Nation is supposed to share in the Peace terms -according to what they have done in the war, Holland gets -the KAISER, Mexico the CROWN PRINCE, - -Now the Pres has to get back here before Mar 1st when the -Country goes in into the hands of the Republicans or they -are liable to want to charge him a tarriff to get in again, - -OF COURSE WE DONT RECEIVE MUCH NEWS OF THE PEACE CONFERENCE. -FIRST FEW WEEKS THEY ARE ALL JUST COMPLIMENTING EACH OTHER. -WAIT TILL THEY GO TO DIVIDE UP SOMETHING. (What a truth -that turned out to be) - -Well by this time Congress was getting pretty rough so Pres -W grabbed his boat and commuted back home, - -Said I think I will land in BOSTON the old Pilgrim Fathers -had pretty fair luck, and _nobody has ever landed there -since_, - -Germany couldent figure out how America could get troops -over there and get them trained so quick they dident know -that in our manual there is nothing about RETREATING and -when you only got to teach an Army to go one way you can do -it in half the time, - -I feel pretty proud over that last little gag, As I used it -before Pres Wilson in Washington and he repeated it in his -Boston speech, Saying "as one of our AMERICAN HUMORISTS -says," Up to then I had only been an ordinary Rope thrower, - -_Pretty tough when the Pres cops your act,_ - -Pres had pretty good luck on that 1st trip they saw his 14 -points and raised him -------- ---- more - -Says in there, "There is to be no more wars" and then there -was a Paragraph a little further down told you where to get -your AMMUNITION in case there was one, - -Now he come's back to Washington to explain the _LEAGUE OF -NATIONS_ to Congress You know those guys cant read anything -and understand it, - -But after eating out of 15 million dollar Gold Plates and -hobnobbing with Kings and Dukes can you imagine how Congress -looked to him when he come back, - -Had All the Senators up to dinner at White House Took Ham -Lewis three days to dress for it, - -_Not much news from the Dinner Burleson copped the Phones,_ - -On last day went up to Capitol to sign all the bills -Congress had passed Well after he had signed the _bill_, - -Then he went before Congress and balled out the WILFUL 37, -he was busier than Mcadoo with a new train, - -HE and Taft both spoke on same stage first time Pres and -x-pres ever _agreed_, - -I still wanted to go along but he said: "wait Will till some -other trip and I will take you," - -You know _13_ is his lucky number if they dont sign this up -on this trip he knows they will on his 13th trip, - -You see Congress got sore cause he did not call them in -extra session, You know the next Con, is _Republican_, Be a -good joke on them if he dident call them at all wouldent it, - -Back to Paris to meet Col House the only man the Pres ever -listened too, - -MR DANIELS went over. First time they have ever taken -Josephus anywhere, He will be allright in a crowd, - -Made Mr Hoover food DICTATOR for all the Allies That means -that _BELG FRANCE_ and _ENG_, are not going to get any -_more_ to eat than we do, - -Conference at 1st gave America Japan Italy France 5 -deligates each and England including her Colonies fourteen, -Thats all right to allow England for each one of her -_Foreign Relations_, But they did not allow us a single one -for _Wisconsin_, - -_How would you like to have been on a committee of_ -Englishman _to inform Ireland they dident get any -Deligates_, OH BOY, - -Finally got it down to the big TEN now theres only FOUR, -speaking to each other, - -America dident know till they got over there that those -European Nations have had a disease for years called the -Gimmes. - -England and Japan had a secret Treaty where England was to -get everything south of the equator and Japan everything -North, Guess they were going to leave the equator for -Ireland, - -Japan wanted it put in the contract that she was as good as -anybody else If she _admitted_ it why put it in, If a man is -a Gentleman he don't have a _sign_ on him telling it, - -Tell Japan we will recognize them as soon as they recognize -China, - -=Peace Table is turning out like all Banquets the speeches -are too long,= - -Everybody at the Table wants a second helping, And Germany -the cook hasent got enough to go around, - -They agreed on one of the 14 points that was that America -went in for _nothing_ and _expects nothing_ they are all -UNANIMOUS WE GET IT, - -Wanted to put the LEAGUE of nations in with Peace Treaty, -thats like a fellow going into a store and the Merchant wont -sell him a Suit unless he uses a Gillette Razor, - -Its been a great thing for these Senators if it had not been -for this to _knock_ they would not have gotten all these -Lecture Dates, - -The way a lot Of Senators talk you would think Pres W was -going to trade America off for a couple of Golf Clubs, - -They seem to think the Pres took the =Monroe Doctrine= in his -pocket and is liable to lose it over there, - -Pres Wilson threatened he would start the war over again, Be -terrible if they found out this war was fixed and they had -to fight it over again, - -They cant let the Russians in this league or they would make -a Bush League out of it, - -_Best time to have formed this League of Nations was during -the war when all these Nations needed each other,_ - -Everybody is for something to prevent war, but they are -afraid it is like Prohibition it dont prohibit, - -League of Nations just as clear as the Income Tax blanks, - -One thing we got to be thankful for our Soldiers can win -wars faster than our Diplomats can talk us into them, - -Pres Wilson finally got discouraged at the stalling and told -them that if they dident hurry up and do something the -Americans would pick up their Wives and come home, - -Pres says "JAMES BRING MY BOAT" - -They then got busy and decided that Belgium could try the -Kaiser, Belgium said "how do we get him," Allies said "thats -it if we could get him we would try him ourselves," - -Some Nations got so tired waiting for Peace they went back -to fighting again, - -Been working on this League of Nations all winter, Finally -one of the deligates said "What about Peace with Germany" -The others all said "thats right we never thought of that," - -Went to call in Germany and they said "Why we had give you -all up thought you wasent coming, We got a better offer -from the Bolsheveki" - -=They offer us no indemnities and no Baths,= - -If they ever have another war lets have it understood before -they start what each Nation wants at the finish, - -All those Nations claim they were fighting for freedom, But -of course a little more land would make a little more -Freedom, - -One thing about this League, The last war there were only 10 -or 15 nations in it now if they all sign this they can all -be in the next one, It wont be near so exclusive, - -_Course its hard to please everybody Taft tried that,_ - -If Pres Wilson had any doubts about this League of Nations -being put through he should have taken some of these -Prohibitionist. They would have shown him how to get it -through whether people wanted it or not, - -France says they would have more confidence in this League -if they would slip a couple of Nations in between them and -Germany, - -I WONDER IF WE QUIT FIGHTING TOO QUICK AND DIDENT SIGN PEACE -QUICK ENOUGH, - -Dont get impatient. It has been just this hard at the end of -every war to try and prevent another one, - -Pres on his last voyage home said the Monroe Doctrine was -fully protected already And to show them that it was, He has -now put it in, - -This Monroe thing the Republicans talk so much of and know -so little about, Protects us against everything but VILLA. - -And in the whole History of America he is the only _Nation_ -that ever attacked us, - -Italy says they will pick up their Marbles and go home - -Pres Wilson says you may Fiume, But you will never get it, - -Today is Japans day to threaten to pack their kimonas and -leave, - -Italy bases her claim on an old treaty, She cant afford to -trace her Treatys back too far, _If I remember she -originally was signed up with Germany_, - -Pres Wilson certainly used good judgement in visiting Italy -when he first went over, - -Sectry BAKER has gone back over to France again think old -Newt, kinder likes PARIS, - -_They wanted Mcadoo to go but the salary wasent right,_ - -Can you imagine a guy that couldent make a living out of all -the jobs he held, I would love to have just half what one -Republican would have made out of all that, - -Lot of Reps dont want this League Gag to pass they are -jealous cause the Democrats ran the last war, And they want -to have another one to show how much better they could run -one than the Democrats, - -Even the Big 4 seem to be losing confidence, They have -removed the words High Contracting Parties, which appeared -418 times in the original and now speak of it meekly as -members of the League, - -We know Pres Wilson had a lot to do with drafting it, Cause -it has so many WORDS - -Now it will take longer to explain it than it did to write -it, - -If Mr Lodge and Mr Lowell debate on these new amendments -Boston has applied for a change of Venue, - -_Only debate ever held where both men agreed,_ - -Pres is up to his old tricks has sent a NOTE to Italy, - -His appeal to the Italian People caused as much of a furore -as the one to the voters last fall, - -Italy says they know Fiume was not in their secret treaty -with other Allies But its a nice town and they hate to see -it fall into bad hands, - -Get all those Nations sore enough to start telling the truth -about each other, We will hear something, - -Italy claims Fiume because there is more Italians there than -anybody else, according to that Look whod get NEW YORK - -Japans claims are sorter novel "They want pay for capturing -part of China one of our own Allies" - -They have offered to protect Siberia if they have to stay -there forever to do it, - -If Japan gets all her claims China will pay more indemnities -than Germany who lost the war, - -Imagine Japan, Pres Wilson, and Italy, All talking at once, -Good thing they cant understand each other or this -Conference would never have lasted this long, - -AND THEY CALL THAT A PEACE CONFERENCE, - -Guess those CZECHO POLOKS have gotten their freedom, I see -where they are at _war_. - -Wish I could find a man who had read this LEAGUE OF NATIONS, -And could tell which was the _Assembly_ and which was the -_Council_, - -Thats a good clause in there "where any Allied Nation must -give three months notice before it jumps onto any other -Allied Nation," - -_Now the Women want to send Deligates, They forget this is -a_ Peace Conference, - -See where the German Deligates to the Peace Table brought -their Golf Clubs We can see now how Admiral Graysons Pupil -stacks up against opposition, - -See where Pres Wilson and Italy have compromised on that -town down there _Italy got it_, - -Its kinder new wrinkle in Diplomacy, The Slovaks can play -with it four years till they begin to like it, And then they -take it away from them, - -AS I UNDERSTAND IT ITALY IS TO HAVE IT TUESDAYS AND -SATURDAYS, - -But they are going to build those other People (_with that -terrible name_) A little young town just as much like this -one as they can, down the river aways - -Guess the reason they put a four year limit on it, Was that -they figured that would about cover the existence of any of -those new Nations, - -The Idea over there now seems to be lets get something ready -to sign up, Whether its any good or not, - -See where Pres Wilson and Japan _compromised_ on that CHOW -CHOW PLACE JAPAN GETS IT, - -I dont know how much money Indemnity Japan will demand from -China, - -_You know_ CHINA _has one of the best_ JAPANESE _Armies in -the World_, - -See where Pres Wilson and England compromised on Freedom of -the Seas England got it, - -Italy left the Conference and got what she wanted, Japan -threatened to leave and got what she wanted, If Pres Wilson -had left some Republican Senators would have gotten what -they wanted, - -_Seems several Nations were like_ Jesse Willard _they wanted -to know what they were to get before they entered the -Arena_, - -Well they finally handed Germany the Peace terms 80 thousand -words only thing ever written longer than a Lafollette -Speech, - -HAD TO BE THAT LONG TO TELL THE GERMANS WHAT THEY THOUGHT OF -THEM - -Imagine what a document for Lawers to pick flaws in, - -Could have settled the whole thing in one sentence, "IF YOU -BIRDS START ANYTHING AGAIN WE WILL GIVE YOU THE OTHER -BARREL," - -RUSSIA cant get in on this Peace There is not enough Paper -in the World to print 80 thousand Russian words on, - -If they want to get even with Germany they ought to let them -keep their Cables And appoint Burleson to run them - -_I thought the Armistace terms read like a second Mortgage, -But this reads like a_ FORECLOSURE, - -If Germany ever wants to go to war again she will have to -fight with _BEER STEINS_ - -If Germany stops to read those 80 thousand words before they -sign them, We needent expect Peace to be signed for years -yet, - -Now Folks with all this kidding and foolishness aside, for I -just say in here whatever I think anybody might laugh at, -But of course my real sentiments are the same as everybody -else, anything to prevent war If He puts this thing through -and there is no more wars, His address will be WHITE HOUSE -WASHINGTON D C till his whiskers are as long as the Peace -Treaty If it should be a Fliv, (which it wont) Why then a -letter would reach him at ALABI NEW JERSEY. So all Credit to -Pres Wilson it took some game Guy to go through with it, - -THE END - - - - -Transcriber's Note - -The spelling, punctuation and formatting in this project -greatly varies. Everything has been kept as it appears in -the original images. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Rogers-isms, the Cowboy Philosopher on -the Peace Conference, by Will Rogers - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROGERS-ISMS, THE COWBOY *** - -***** This file should be named 20566.txt or 20566.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/5/6/20566/ - -Produced by Bryan Ness, Irma Špehar and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -book was produced from scanned images of public domain -material from the Google Print project.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project -Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you -charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you -do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the -rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose -such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and -research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do -practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is -subject to the trademark license, especially commercial -redistribution. - - - -*** START: FULL LICENSE *** - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project -Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at -http://gutenberg.org/license). - - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy -all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. -If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the -terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or -entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement -and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" -or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the -collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an -individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are -located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from -copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative -works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg -are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project -Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by -freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of -this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with -the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by -keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project -Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in -a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check -the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement -before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or -creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project -Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning -the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United -States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate -access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently -whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, -copied or distributed: - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived -from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is -posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied -and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees -or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work -with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the -work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 -through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the -Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or -1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional -terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked -to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the -permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any -word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or -distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than -"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version -posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), -you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a -copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon -request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other -form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided -that - -- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is - owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he - has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the - Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments - must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you - prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax - returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and - sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the - address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to - the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." - -- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or - destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium - and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of - Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any - money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days - of receipt of the work. - -- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set -forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from -both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael -Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the -Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm -collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain -"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or -corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual -property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a -computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by -your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with -your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with -the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a -refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity -providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to -receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy -is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further -opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER -WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO -WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. -If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the -law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be -interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by -the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any -provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance -with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, -promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, -harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, -that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do -or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm -work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any -Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. - - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers -including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists -because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from -people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. -To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 -and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org. - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive -Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at -http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent -permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. -Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered -throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at -809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email -business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact -information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official -page at http://pglaf.org - -For additional contact information: - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To -SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any -particular state visit http://pglaf.org - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. -To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate - - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm -concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared -with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project -Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. - - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. -unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - http://www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/old/20566.zip b/old/20566.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index ea2c6b4..0000000 --- a/old/20566.zip +++ /dev/null |
